ft THE PBOSE TALES EDGAR ALLAN POE, SECOND SERIES. NEW YORK: W. J. WIDDLETON, PUBLISHER. 1878. ENTERED, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1849, by J. S. REDFIELD, fn the Clerk's Office of the District Court, for the Southern District of New York. Copyright, 1876, by W. J. WIDDLETON. CONTENTS OF VOL. II. PAGE NARRATIVE OF A. GOXDON For 13 NOTE 186 MISCELLANIES. THE SYSTEM OF DR. TARR AND PROFESSOR PETHER 1'Jl THE LITERARY LIFE OF THINGUM BOB, ESQ 210 How TO WRITE A BLACKWOOD ARTICLE 230 A PREDICAMENT 241 MYSTIFICATION 251 X-ING A PARAGRAB 260 DIDDLING CONSIDERED AS ONE OF THE EXACT SCIENCES 267 THE ANGEL OF THE ODD 278 MELLONTA TAUTA. 288 Loss OF BREATH 302 THE MAN THAT WAS USED UP 315 THE BUSINESS MAN 3'.'6 THE LANDSCAPE GARDEN 336 MAELZEL'S CHESS PLAYER 34*5 POWER OF WORDS 371 THE COLLOQUY OF MONUS AND UNA 376 THE CONVERSATION OF EIROS AND CHARMION 386 SHADOW 392 SILENCE 395 PHILOSOPHY OF FURNITURE 399 A TALE OF JERUSALEM 406 vi CONTENTS. PAGE THE SPHINX 411 THE MAN OF THE CROWD 416 NEVER BET THE DEVIL YOUR HEAD 426 Tnou ABT THE MAN 436 HOP-FROG 451 FOUR BEASTS IN ONE ; THE HOMO-CAMELEOPARD 461 WHY THE LITTTE FRENCHMAN WEARS HIS HAND IN A SLING 46! BON BON 475 SOME WORDS WITH A MUMMY. 493 KEVIEW OF STEPHENS' s ARABIA PETR^EA 509 MAGAZINE WRITING. PETER SNOOK 528 THE QUACKS OF HELICON A SATIRE 540 ASTORIA.., . . 551 PREFACE. UPON my return to the United States a few months ago, after the extraordinary series of adventure in the South Seas and elsewhere, of which an account is given in the following pages, accident threw me into the society of several gentlemen in Rich- mond, Va., who felt deep interest in all matters relating to the regions I had visited, and who were constantly urging it upon me, as a duty, to give my narrative to the public. I had seve- ral reasons, however, for declining to do so, some of which were of a nature altogether private, and concern no person but my- self; others not so much so. One consideration which deterred me was, that, having kept no journal during a greater portion of the time in which I was absent, I feared I should not be able to write, from mere memory, a statement so minute and connected as to have the appearance of that truth it would really possess, barring only the natural and unavoidable exaggeration to which all of us are prone when detailing events which have had pow- erful influence in exciting the imaginative faculties. Another reason was, that the incidents to be narrated were of a nature so positively marvellous, that, unsupported as my assertions must necessarily be (except by the evidence of a single individual, and he a half-breed Indian), I could only hope for belief among my family, and those of my friends who have had reason, * PREFACE. through, life, to put faith in my veracity the probability being that the public at large would regard what I should put forth as merely an impudent and ingenious fiction. A distrust in my own abilities as a writer was, nevertheless, one of the principal causes which prevented me from complying with the suggestions of my advisers. Among those gentlemen in Virginia who expressed the great- est interest in my statement, more particularly in regard to that portion of it which related to the Antarctic Ocean, was Mr. Poe, lately editor of the Southern Literary Messenger, a monthly magazine, published by Mr. Thomas TV. White, in the city of Richmond. He strongly advised me, among others, to prepare at once a full account of what I had seen and undergone, and trust to the shrewdness and common sense of the public insist- ing, with great plausibility, that however roughly, as regards mere authorship, my book should be got up, its very uncouth- ness, if there were any, would give it all the better chance of being received as truth. Notwithstanding this representation, I did not make up my mind to do as he suggested. He afterward proposed (finding that I would not stir in the matter) that I should allow him to draw up, in his own words, a narrative of the earlier portion of my adventures, from facts afforded by myself, publishing it in the Southern Messenger under the garb of fiction. To this, perceiving no objection, I consented, stipulating only that my real name should be retained. Two numbers of the pretended fiction appeared, consequently, in the Messenger for January and February (1837), and, in order that it might certainly be regarded as fiction, the name of Mr. Poe was affixed to the arti- cles in the table of contents of the magazine. The manner in which this ruse was received has induced me at length to undertake a regular compilation and publication of the adventures in question ; foi I found that, in spite of the air PREFACE. ri of fable which had been so ingeniously thrown around that por- tion of my statement which appeared in the Messenger (without altering or distorting a single fact), the public were still not at all disposed to receive it as fable, and several letters were sent to Mr. P.'s address, distinctly expressing a conviction to the con- trary. I thence concluded that the fact." of my narrative would prove of such a nature as to carry with them sufficient evidence of their own authenticity, and that I had consequently little to fear on the score of popular incredulity. This expose being made, it will be seen at once how much of what follows I claim to be my own writing ; and it will also be understood that no fact is misrepresented in the first few pages which were written by Mr. Poe. Even to those readers who have not seen the Messenger, it will be unnecessary to point out where his portion ends and my own commences ; the difference in point of style will be readily perceived. A. G. PYM. NARRATIVE OF A. GORDON PYM CHAPTER I. MY name is Arthur Gordon Pym. My father was a respect- able trader in sea-stores at Nantucket, where I was born. My maternal grandfiither was an attorney in good practice. He was fortunate in everything, and had speculated very successfully in stocks of the Edgarton New Bank, as it was formerly called. By these and other means he had managed to lay by a tolerable sum of money. He was more attached to myself, I believe, than to any other person in the world, and I expected to inherit the most of his property at his death. He sent me, at six years of age, to the school of old Mr. Ricketts, a gentleman with only one arm, and of eccentric manners he is well known to almost every person who has visited New Bedford. I stayed at his school until I was sixteen, when I left him for Mr. E. Ronald's academy on the hill. Here I became intimate with the son of Mr. Barnard, a sea captain, who generally sailed in the employ f Lloyd and Vredenburgh rMr. Barnard is also very well known in New Bedford, and has many relations, I am certain, in Edgarton. His son was named Augustus, and he was nearly two years older than myself. He had been on a whaling voyage with his father in the John Donaldson, and was always talking to me of his adventures in the South Pacific Ocean. I used frequently to go home with him, and remain all day, and some- times all night. We occupied the same bed, and he would be sure to keep me awake until almost light, telling me stories of the natives of the Island of Tinian, and other places he had visited in his travels. At last I could not help being interested in what lie H NARRATIVE OF said, and by degrees I felt the greatest desire to go to sea. I owned a sail-boat called the Ariel, and worth about seventy-five dollars. She had a half deck or cuddy, and was rigged sloop- fashion I forget her tonnage, but she would hold ten persons without much crowding. In this boat we were in the habit of going on some of the maddest freaks in the world ; and, when I now think of them, it appears to me a thousand wonders that 1 am alive to-day. I will relate one of these adventures by way of introduction to a longer and more momentous narrative. One night there was a party at Mr. Barnard's, and both Augustus and myself were not a little intoxicated towards the close of it. As usual, in such cases, I took part of his bed in preference to going home. He went to sleep, as I thought, very quietly (it being near one when the party broke up), and without saying a word on his favorite topic. It might have been half an hour from the time of our getting in bed, and I was just about falling into a doze, when he suddenly started up, and swore with a terrible oath that he would not go to sleep for any Arthur Pym in Christendom, when there was so glorious a breeze from the south-west. I never was so astonished in my life, not knowing what he intended, and thinking that the wines and liquors he had drunk had set him entirely beside himself. He proceeded to talk very coolly, however, saying he knew that I supposed him intoxicated, but that he was never more sober in his life. He was only tired, he added, of lying in bed on such a fine night like a dog, and was determined to get up and dress, and go out on a frolic with the boat. I can hardly tell what possessed me, but the words were no sooner out of his mouth than I felt a thrill of the greatest excitement and pleasure, and thought his mad idea one of the most delightful and most reasonable things in the world. It was blowing almost a gale, and the weather was very cold it being late in October. I sprang out of bed, nevertheless, in a kind of ecstasy, and told him I was quite as brave as himself, and quite as tired as he was of lying in bed like a dog, and quite as ready for any fun or frolic as any Augustus Barnard in Nantucket. We lost no time ir getting: on our clothes and hurrying down A. GORDON PYM. 15 to the boat. She was lying at the old decayed wharf by the. lumber-yard of Pankey & Co., and almost thumping her sides out against the rough logs. Augustus got into her and bailed her, for she was nearly half full of water. This being done, we hoisted jib and mainsail, kept full, and started boldly out to sea. The wind, as I before said, blew freshly from the south-west The night was very clear and cold. Augustus had taken the helm, and I stationed myself by the mast, on the deck of the cuddy. We flew along at a great rate neither of us having yaid a word since casting loose from the wharf. I now asked my companion what course he intended to steer, and what time he thought it probable we should get back. He whistled for a few minutes, and then said crustily, " 1 am going to sea you may go home if you think proper." Turning my eyes upon him, I perceived at once that, in spite of his assumed nonchalance, he was greatly agitated. I could see him distinctly by the light of the moon his face was paler than any marble, and his hand shook so excessively that he could scarcely retain hold of the tiller. I found that something had gone wrong, and became seriously alarmed. At this period I knew little about the management of a boat, and was now depending entirely upon the nautical skill of my friend. The wind, too, had suddenly increased, and we were fast getting out of the lee of the land still I was ashamed to betray any trepidation, and for almost half an hour maintained a resolute silence. I could stand it no longer, however, and spoke to Augustus about the propriety of turning back. As before, it was nearly a minute before he made answer, or took any notice of my suggestion. " By-and-by," said he at length " time enough home by-and-by." I had expected such a reply, but there was something in the tone of these words which filled me with an indescribable feeling of dread. I again looked at the speaker attentively. His lips were perfectly livid, and his knees shook so violently together, that he seemed scarcely able to stand. " For God's sake, Augustus," I screamed, now heartily frightened, " what ails you ? what is the matter ? what are you going to do ?" " Matter !" he stammered, in the greatest apparent surprise, letting go the tiller at the same mo- IQ JSARRATIVE OF merit, and falling forward into the bottom of the boat " matter why, nothing is the matter going home d d don't you see ?" The whole truth now flashed upon me. I flew to him and raised him up. He was drunk beastly drunk he could no longer either stand, speak, or see. His eyes were perfectly glazed ; and as I let him go in the extremity of my despair, he rolled like a mere log into the bilge-water from which I had lifted him. It was evident that, during the evening, he had drunk far more than I suspected, and that his conduct in bed had been the result of a highly-concentrated state of intoxication a state which, like madness, frequently enables the victim to imi- tate the outward demeanor of one in perfect possession of his senses. The coolness of the night air, however, had had its usual effect the mental energy began to yield before its influence and the confused perception Avhich he no doubt then had of his perilous situation had assisted in hastening the catastrophe. He was now thoroughly insensible, and there was no probability that he would be otherwise for many hours. It is hardly possible to conceive the extremity of my terror. The fumes of the wine lately taken had evaporated, leaving me doubly timid and irresolute. I knew that I was altogether in- capable of managing the boat, and that a fierce wind and strong ebb tide were hurrying us to destruction. A storm was evi- dently gathering behind us ; we had neither compass nor pro- visions ; and it was clear that, if we held our present course, we should be out of sight of land before daybreak. These thoughts, with a crowd of others equally fearful, flashed through my mind with a bewildering rapidity, and for some moments paralyzed me beyond the possibility of making any exertion. The boat was going through the water at a terrible rate full before the wind no reef in either jib or mainsail running her bows com- pletely under the foam. It was a thousand wonders she did not broach to Augustus having let go the tiller, as I said be- fore, and I being too much agitated to think of taking it myself By good luck, however, she kept steady, and gradually I re- covered some degree of presence of mind. Still the wind was increasing fearfully ; and whenever we rose from a plunge for- ward, the sea behind fell combing over our counter, and deluged A. GORDOiN PY.M. 17 us with water. I \vas so utterly benumbed, toe, in every limb, as to be nearly unconscious of sensation. At length I sum- moned up the resolution of despair, and rushing to the mainsail, let it go by the run. As might have been expected, it flew over the bows, and, getting drenched with water, carried away the mast short off by the board. This latter accident alone saved me from instant destruction. Under the jib only, I now boomed along before the wind, shipping heavy seas occasionally, but relieved from the terror of immediate death. I took the helm, and breathed with greater freedom, as I found that there yet re- mained to us a chance of ultimate escape. Augustus still lay senseless in the bottom of the boat ; and as there was imminent danger of his drowning (the water being nearly a foot deep just where he fell), I contrived to raise him partially up, and keep him in a sitting position, by passing a rope round his waist, and lashing it to a ringbolt in the deck of the cuddy. Having thus arranged everything as well as I could in my chilled and agitated condition, I recommended myself to God, and made up my mind to bear whatever might happen with all the fortitude in my power. Hardly had I came to this resolution, when, suddenly, a loud and long scream or yell, as if from the throats of a thousand demons, seemed to pervade the whole atmosphere around and above the boat. Never while I live shall I "forget the in- tense agony of terror I experienced at that moment. My hair stood erect on my head I felt the blood congealing in my veins my heart ceased utterly to beat, and without having once raised my eyes to learn the source of my alarm, I tumbled headlong and insensible upon the body of my fallen com- panion. I found myself, upon reviving, in the cabin of a large whaling- ship (the Penguin) bound to Jsantucket. Several persons were standing over me, and Augustus, paler than death, was busily occupied in chafing my hands. Upon seeing me cpen my eyes, his exclamations of gratitude and joy excited alternate laughter and tears from the rough-looking personages who were present. The mystery of our being in existence was now soon explained. We had been run down by the whaling-ship, which was clcse 18 NARRATIVE OF hauled, beating up to Nantucket with every sail she could venture to set, and consequently running almost at right angles to our own course. Several men were on the look-out forward, but did not perceive our boat until it was an impossibility to avoid coming in contact their shouts of warning upon seeing us were what so terribly alarmed me. The huge ship, I was told, rode immediately over us with as much ease as our own little vessel would have passed over a feather, and without the least perceptible impediment to her progress. Not a scream arose from the deck of the victim there was a slight grating sound to be heard mingling with the roar of wind and water, as the frail bark which was swallowed up rubbed for a moment along the keel of her destroyer but this was all. Thinking our boat (which it will be remembered was dismasted) some mere shell cut adrift as useless, the captain (Captain E. T. V. Block of New London) was for proceeding on his course without troubling himself further about the matter. Luckily, there were two oi the look-out who swore positively to having seen some person at our helm, and represented the possibility of yet saving him. A discussion ensued, when Block grew angry, and, after a while, said that " it was no business of his to be eternally watching for egg-shells; that the ship should not put about for any such nonsense ; and if there was a man run down, it was nobody's fault but his "own he might drown and be d d," or some language to that effect. Henderson, the first mate, now took the matter up, being justly indignant, as well as the whole ship's crew, at a speech evincing such a degree of heartless atrocity. He spoke plainly, seeing himself upheld by the men, told the captain he considered him a fit subject for the gallows, and that he would disobey his orders if he were hanged for it the moment he set his" foot on shore. He strode aft, jostling Block (who turned very pale and made no answer) on one side, and seizing the helm, gave the word, in a firm voice, Hard-a-lee ! The men flew to their posts, and the ship went cleverly about. All this had occupied nearly five minutes, and it was supposed to be hardly within the bounds of possibility that any individual could be saved allowing any to have been on board the boat. Yet, as tne reader has seen, both Augustus and myself were rescued; A. GORDON PYM. 19 and our deliverance seemed to have been brought about by two of those almost inconceivable pieces of good fortune which are attributed by^he wise and pious to the special interference of Providence. While the ship was yet in stays, the mate lowered the jolly- boat and jumped into her with the very two men, I believe, who spoke up as having seen me at the helm. They had just left the lee of the vessel (the moon still shining brightly) when she made a long and heavy roll to windward, and Henderson, at the same moment, starting up in his seat, bawled out to his crew to back water. He would say nothing else repeating his cry impatiently, back water! back water! The men put back as speedily as pos- sible ; but by this time the ship had gone round, and gotten fully under headway, although all hands on board were making great exertions to take in sail. In despite of the danger of the attempt, the mate clung to the main-chains as soon as they came within his reach. Another huge lurch now brought the starboard side of the vessel out of water nearly as far as her keel, when the cause of his anxiety was rendered obvious enough. The body of a man was seen to be affixed in the most singular manner to the smooth and shining bottom (the Penguin was coppered and copper-fastened), and beating violently against it with every movement of the hull. After several ineffectual efforts, made during the lurches of the ship, and at the imminent risk of swamping the boat, I was finally disengaged from my perilous situation and taken on board for the body proved to be my own. It appeared that one of the timber-bolts having started and broken a passage through the copper, it had arrested my progress as I passed under the ship, and fastened me in so extraordinary a manner to her bottom. The head of the bolt had made its way through the collar of the green baize jacket I had on, and through the back part of my neck, forcing itself out between two sinews and just below the right ear. I was immediately put to bed although life seemed to be totally extinct. There was no sur- geon on board. The captain, however, treated me with every attention to make amends, I presume, in the eyes of his crew> for his atrocious behavior in the previous portion of the adventure. In the meantime, Henderson had again put off from the ship, 20 NARRATIVE OF although the wind was now blowing almost a hurricane. He had not been gone many minutes when he fell in with some frag- ments of our boat, and shortly afterwards one of the "men with him asserted that he could distinguish a cry for help at intervals amid the roaring of the tempest. This induced the hardy seamen to persevere in their search for more than half an hour, although repeated signals to return were made them by Captain Block, and although every moment on the water in so frail a boat was fraught to them with the most imminent and deadly peril.' In- deed, it is nearly impossible to conceive how the small jolly they were m could have escaped destruction for a single instant. She was built, however, for the whaling service, and was fitted, as I have since had reason to believe, with air-boxes, in the manner of some life-boats used on the coast of Wales. After searching in vain for about the period of time just men- tioned, it was determined to get back to the ship. They had scarcely made this resolve when a feeble cry arose from a dark object that floated rapidly by. They pursued and soon overtook it. It proved to be the entire deck of the Ariel's cuddy. Au- gustus was struggling near it, apparently in the last agonies. Upon getting hold of him it was found that he was attached by a rope to the floating timber. This rope, it will be remembered, I had myself tied round his waist, and made fast to a ringbolt, for the purpose of keeping him in an upright position, and my so doing, it appeared, had been ultimately the means of preserving his life. The Ariel was slightly put together, and in going down her frame naturally went to pieces ; the deck of the cuddy, as might have been expected, was lifted, by the force of the water rushing in, entirely from the main timbers, and floated (with other fragments, no doubt) to the surface Augustus was buoyed up with it, and thus escaped a terrible death. It was more than an hour after being taken on board the Pen- guin before he could give any account of himself, or be made to comprehend the nature of the accident which had befallen our boat. At length he became thoroughly aroused, and spoke much of his sensations while in the water. Upon his first attaining any degree of consciousness, he found himself beneath the sur- face, whirling round and round with inconceivable rapidity, and A. GORDON PYM. 21 with a rope wound in three or four folds tightly about his neck. In an instant afterwards he felt himself going rapidly upward, when, his head striking violently against a hard substance, he again relapsed into insensibility. Upon once more reviving he was in ft.ller possession of his reason this was still, however, in the greatest degree clouded and confused. He now knew that some accident had occurred, and that he was in the watei, although his mouth was above the surface, and he could breathe with some freedom. Possibly, at this period, the deck was drifting rapidly before the wind, and drawing him after it, as he floated upon his back. Of course, as long as he could have retained this position, it would have been nearly impossible that he should be drowned. Presently a surge threw him directly athwart the deck ; and this post he endeavored to maintain, screaming at intervals for help. Just before he was discovered by Mr. Henderson, he had been obliged to relax his hold through exhaustion, and, falling into the sea, had given himself up for lost. During the whole period of his struggles he had not the faintest recollection of the Ariel, nor of any matters in connection with the source of his disaster. A vague feeling of terror and despair had taken entire possession of his faculties. When he was finally picked up, every power of his mind had failed him ; and, as before said, it was nearly an hour after getting on board the Penguin before he became fully aware of his condition. In regard to myself I was resuscitated from a state bordering very nearly upon death (and after every other means had been tried in vain for three hours and a half) by vigorous friction with flannels bathed in hot oil a proceed ing suggested by Augustus. The wound in my neck, although of an ugly appearance, proved of little real consequence, and I soon recovered from its effects. The Penguin got into port about nine o'clock in the morning, after encountering one of the severest gales ever experienced off Nantucket. Both Augustus and myself managed to appear at Mr. Barnard's in time for breakfast which, luckily, was some- what late, .owing to the party over night. I suppose, all at the table were too much fatigued themselves to notice our jaded ap- pearance of course, it would not have borne a very rigid scru- tiny. Schoolboys, however, can accomplish wonders in the way 22 NARRATIVE UF of deception, and I verily believe not one of our friends in Nan- tucket had the slightest suspicion that the terrible story told by some sailors in town of their having run down a vessel at sea and drowned some thirty or forty poor devils, had reference either to the Ariel, my companion, or myself. We two have since very frequently talked the matter over but never without a shudder. In one of our conversations Augustus frankly con- fessed to me, that in his whole life he had at no time experienced so excruciating a sense of dismay, as when on board our little boat he first discovered the extent of his intoxication, and felt himself sinking beneath its influence. CHAPTER II. IN no affairs of mere prejudice, pro or con, do we deduce in- ferences with entire certainty, even from the most simple data. It might be supposed that a catastrophe such as I have just related would have effectually cooled my incipient passion for the sea On the contrary, I never experienced a more ardent long- ing for the wild adventures incident to the life of a navigator than within a week after our miraculous deliverance. This short period proved amply long enough to erase from my memory the shadows, and bring out in vivid light all the pleasurably ex' citing points of color, all the picturesqueness of the late perilous accident. My conversations with Augustus grew daily more frequent and more intensely full of interest. He fead a manner of relating his stories of the ocean (more than one-half of which I now suspect to have been sheer fabrications) well adapted to have weight with one of my enthusiastic temperament, and some- what gloomy, although glowing imagination. It is strange, too, that he most strongly enlisted my feelings in behalf of the life of a seaman, when he depicted his more terrible moments of suffer- ing and despair. For the bright side of the painting I had a limited sympathy. My visions were of shipwreck and famine ; of death or captivity among barbarian hordes ; of a lifetime dragged out m sorrow and tears, upon some gray and desolate . A. GORDON PYM. 23 rock, in an ocean unapproachable and unknown. Such visions 01 desires for they amounted to desires are common, I have since been assured, to the whole numerous race of the melancholy among men at the time of which I speak I regarded them only as prophetic glimpses of a destiny which I felt myself in a measure bound to fulfil. Augustus thoroughly entered into my state of mind. It is probable, indeed, that our intimate com- munion had resulted in a partial interchange of character. About eighteen months after the period of the Ariel's disaster, the firm of Lloyd and Vredenburgh (a house connected in some manner with the Messieurs. Enderby, I believe, of Liverpool) were engaged in repairing and fitting out the brig Grampus for a whaling voyage. She was an old hulk, and scarcely seaworthy when all was done to her that could be done. I hardly know why she was chosen hi preference to other and good vessels be- longing to the same owners but so it was. Mr. Barnard waa appointed to command her, and Augustus was going with him. While the brig was getting ready, he frequently urged upon me the excellency of the opportunity now offered for indulging my desire of travel. He found me by no means an unwilling listen- er yet the matter could not be so easily arranged. My father made no direct opposition ; but my mother went into hysterics at the bare mention of the design ; and, more than all, my grand- father, from whom I expected much, vowed to cut me off with a shilling if I should ever broach the subject to him again. These difficulties, however, so far from abating my desire, only added fuel to the flame. I determined to go at all hazards ; and, having made known my intention to Augustus, we set about arranging a plan by which it might be accomplished. In the meantime I forbore speaking to any of my relations in regard to the voyage, and. as I busied myself ostensibly with my usual studies, it was supposed that I had abandoned the design. I have since fre- quently examined my conduct on this occasion with sentiments of displeasure as well as of surprise. The intense hypocrisy I made use of for the furtherance of my project an hypocrisy pervading every word and action of my life for so long a period of time oould only have been rendered tolerable to myself by the wild 24 NARRATIVE OF and burning expectation with which I looked forward to the ful filment of my long-cherished visions of travel. In pursuance of my scheme of deception, I was necessarily obliged to leave much to the management of Augustus, who was employed for the greater part of every day on board the Gram- pus, attending to some arrangements for his father in the cabin and cabin hold. At night, however, we were sure to have a conference, and talk over our hopes. After nearly a month passed in this manner, without our hitting upon any plan we thought likely to succeed, he told me at last that he had deter- mined upon everything necessary. 1 had a relation living in New Bedford, a Mr. Ross, at whose house I was in the habit of spending occasionally two or three weeks at a time. The brig was to sail about the middle of June (June, 1827), and it was agreed that, a day or two before her putting to sea, my father was to receive a note, as usual, from Mr. Ross, asking me to come over and spend a fortnight with Robert and Emmet (his sons). Augustus charged himself with the inditing of this note and getting it delivered. Having set out, as supposed, for New Bedford, I was then to report myself to my companion, who would contrive a hiding-place for me in the Grampus. This hiding-place, he assured me, would be rendered sufficiently com- fortable for a residence of many days, during which I was not to make my appearance. When the brig had proceeded so far on her course as to make any turning back a matter out of question, I should then, he said, be formally installed in all the comforts of the cabin ; and as to his father, he would only laugh heartily at the joke. Vessels enough would be met with by which a letter might be sent home explaining the adventure to my parents. The middle of June at length arrived, and everything had been matured. The note was written and delivered, and on a Monday morning I left the house for the New Bedford packet, as sup- posed. I went, however, straight to Augustus, who was waiting for me at the corner of a street. It had been our original plan that I should keep out of the way until dark, and then slid on board the brig; but, as there was now a thick fog in our favor, it was agreed to lose no time in secreting me. Augustus led the Way to the wharf, and I followed nt a little distance, enveloped it? A. GORDON PYM. 25 a thick seaman's cloak, which he had brought with him, so that my person might not be easily recognized. Just as we turned the second corner, after passing Mr. Edmund's well, who should appear, standing right in front of me, and looking me full in the face, but old Mr. Peterson, my grandfather. " Why, bless my soul, Gordon," said he, after a long pause, " why, why, whose dirty cloak is that you have on ?" " Sir !" I replied, assuming, as well as I could, in the exigency of the moment, an air of of- fended surprise, and talking in the gruffest of all imaginable tones " sir ! you are a sum'mat mistaken my name, in the first place, bee'nt nothing at all like Goddin, and I'd want you for to know better, you blackguard, than to call my new obercoat a darty one." For my life I could hardly refrain from screaming with laughter at the odd manner in which the old gentleman re- ceived this handsome rebuke. He started back two or three steps, turned first pale and then excessively red, threw up his spectacles, then, putting them down, ran full tilt at me, with his umbrella uplifted. He stopped short, however, in his career, as if struck with a sudden recollection ; and presently, turning round, hobbled off down the street, shaking all the while with rage, and muttering between his teeth, " Won't do new glass- es thought it was Gordon d d good-for-nothing salt water Long Tom." After this narrow escape we proceeded with greater caution, and arrived at our point of destination in safety. There were only one or two of the hands on board, and these were busy for- ward, doing something to the forecastle combings. Captain Barnard, we knew very well, was engaged at Lloyd and Vreden- burgh's, and would remain there until late in the evening, so we had little to apprehend on his account. Augustus went first up the vessel's side, and in a short while I followed him, without being noticed by the men at work. We proceeded at once into the cabin, and found no person there. It was fitted up in the most comfortable style a thing somewhat unusual in a whaling- vessel. There were four very excellent state-rooms, with wide and convenient berths. There was also a large stove, I took notice, and a remarkably thick and valuable carpet covering the floor of both the cabin and state-rooms. The ceiling was full 26 NARRATIVE OF seven feet high, and, m short, everything appeared of a more roomy and agreeable nature than I had anticipated. Augustus, however, would allow me but little time for observation, insisting upon the necessity of my concealing myself as soon as possible. He led the way into his own state-room, which was on the star- board side of the brig, and next to the bulkheads. Upon enter ing, he closed the door and bolted it. I thought I had never seen a nicer little room than the one in Avhich I now found my self. It was about ten feet long, and had only one berth, which, as I said before, was wide and convenient. In that portion of the closet nearest the bulkheads there was a space of four feet square, containing a table, a chair, and a set of hanging shelves full of books, chiefly books of voyages and travels. There were many other little comforts in the room, among which I ought not to forget a kind of safe or refrigerator, in which Augustus pointed out to me a host of delicacies, both in the eating and drinking department. He now pressed with his knuckles upon a certain spot of the carpet in one corner of the space just mentioned, letting me know that a portion of the flooring, about sixteen inches square, had been neatly cut out and again adjusted. As he pressed, this portion rose up at one end sufficiently to allow the passage of his finger beneath. In this manner he raised the mouth of the trap (to which the carpet was still fastened by tacks), and I found that it led into the after hold. He next lit a small taper by means of a phosphorus match, and, placing the light in a dark lantern, descended with it through the opening, bidding me follow. I did so, and he then pulled the cover upon the hole, by means of a nail driven into the under side the carpet, of course, resuming its original position on the floor of the state- room, and all traces of the aperture being concealed. The taper gave out so feeble a ray that it was with the greatest difficulty I could grope my way through the confused mass of lumber among which I now found myself. By degrees, however, my eyes became accustomed to the gloom, and I pro- ceeded with less trouble, holding on to the skirts of my friend's coat. He brought me, at length, after creeping and winding through innumerable narrow passages, to an iron-boundbox, such A, GORDON PYM. 27 as is used sometimes for packing fine earthenware. It was nearly four feet high, and full six long, but very narrow, Two large empty oil-casks lay on the top of it, and above these, again, a vast quantity of straw matting, piled up as high as the floor of the cabin. In every other direction around was wedged as closely as possible, even up to the ceiling, a complete chaos of almost every species of ship-furniture, together with a hetero- geneous medley of crates, hampers, barrels, and bales, so that it seemed a matter no less than miraculous that we had discovered any passage at all to the box. I afterward found that Augustus had purposely arranged the stowage in this hold with a view to affording me a thorough concealment, having had only one assistant in the labor, a man not going out in the brig. My companion now showed me that one of the ends of the box could be removed 'at pleasure. He slipped it aside and displayed the interior, at which I was excessively amused. A mattress from one of the cabin berths covered the whole of its bottom, and it contained almost every article of mere comfort which could be crowded into so small a space, allowing me, at the same time, sufficient room for my accommodation, either in a sitting position or lying at full length. Among other things, there were some books, pen, ink, and paper, three blankets, a large jug full of water, a keg of sea-biscuit, three or four im- mense Bologna sausages, an enormous ham, a cold leg of roast mutton, and half a dozen bottles of cordials and liqueurs. I proceeded immediately to take possession of my little apartment, and this with feelings of higher satisfaction, I am sure, than any monarch ever experienced upon entering a new palace. Augus- tus now pointed out to me the method of fastening the open end of the box, and then, holding the taper close to the deck, showed me a piece of dark whipcord lying along it. This, he said, extended from my hiding-place throughout all the necessary windings among the lumber, to a nail which was driven into the deck of the hold, immediately beneath the trapdoor leading into his state-room. By means of this cord I should be enabled readily to trace my way out without his guidance, provided any unlooked-for accident should render such a step necessary, He now took his departure, leaving with me the lantern, together 28 NARRATIVE CXF with a copious supply of tapers and phosphorus, and promising to pay me a visit as often as he could contrive to do so without observation. This was on the seventeenth of June. I remained three days and nights (as nearly as I could guess) in my hiding-place without getting out of it at all, except twice for the purpose of stretching my limbs by standing erect between two crates just opposite the opening. During the whole period I saw nothing of Augustus ; but this occasioned me little uneasiness, as I knew the brig was expected to put to sea every hour, and in the bustle he would not easily find opportunities of coming down to me. At length I heard the trap open and shut, and presently he called in a low voice, asking if all was well, and if there was anything I wanted. " Nothing," I replied ; " I am as comfortable as can be ; when will the brig sail ?" " She will be under weigh in less than half an hour," he answered. " I came to let you know, and for fear you should be uneasy at my ab- sence. I shall not have a chance of coming down again for some time perhaps for three or four days more. All is going on right aboveboard. After I go up and close the trap, do you creep along by the whipcord to where the nail is driven in. You will find my watch there it may be useful to you, as you have no daylight to keep time by. I suppose you can't tell how long you have been buried only three days this is the twentieth, I would bring the watch to your box, but am afraid of being missed." With this he went up. In about an hour after he had gone I distinctly felt the brig in motion, and congratulated myself upon having at length fairly commenced a voyage. Satisfied with this idea, I deter- mined to make my mind as easy as possible, and await the course of events until I should be permitted to exchange the box for the more roomy, although hardly more comfortable, ac commodations of the cabin. My first care was to get the watch. Leaving the taper burning, I groped along in the dark, following the cord through windings innumerable, in some of which I discovered that, after toiling a long distance, I was brought back within a foot or two of a former position. At length I reached the nail, and securing the object of my journey, returned with it in safety. I now looked over the books which had been so A fiORDON PYM. 29 tljoughtfully provided, and selected the expedition of Lewis and Clarke to the mouth of the Columbia. With this I amused myself for some time, when growing sleepy, I extinguished the light \vith great care, and soon fell into a sound slumber. Upon awaking I felt strangely confused in mind, and some lime elapsed before I could bring to recollection all the various circumstances of my situation. By degrees, however, I re- membered all. Striking a light, I looked at the watch ; but it was run down, and there were, consequently, no means of de- termining how long I had slept. My limbs were greatly cramped, and I was forced to relieve them by standing between the crates Presently feeling an almost ravenous appetite, I bethought my- self of the cold mutton, some of which I had eaten just before going to sleep, and found excellent. What was my astonish- ment at discovering it to be in a state of absolute putrefaction ! This circumstance occasioned me great disquietude ; for, con- necting it with the disorder of mind I experienced upon awak- ing, I began to suppose that I must have slept for an inordinately long period of time. The close atmosphere of the hold might have had something to do with this, and might, in the end, be productive of the most serious results. .My head ached exces- sively ; I fancied that I drew every breath with difficulty ; and. in short, I was oppressed with a multitude of gloomy feelings. Still I could not venture to make any disturbance by opening the trap or otherwise, and, having wound up the watch, con- tci-ted myself as well as possible. Throughout the whole of the next tedious twenty-four hours no person came to my relief, and I could not help accusing Augustus of the grossest inattention. What alarmed me chiefly was, tint the water in my jug was reduced to about half a pint, and I was suffering nluch from thirst, having eaten freely of the Bologna sausages after the loss of my mutton. I becarmi very uneasy, and could no longer take any interest in my books. J was overpowered, too, with a desire to sleep, yet trembled at the thought of indulging it, lest there might exist some perni- cious influence, like that of burning charcoal,- in the confined air of the hold. In the meantime the roll of the brig told me that iv<> wen; fur in the main ocean, and a dull humming sound. 30 NARRATIVE OF which reached my ears as if from an immense distance, oon viriced me no ordinary gale was blowing. I could not imagine a reason for the absence of Augustus. We were surely far enough advanced on our voyage to allow of my going up. Some accident might have happened to him but I could think of none which would account for his suffering me to remain so long a prisoner, except, indeed, his having suddenly died or fallen overboard, and upon this idea I could not dwell with any degree of patience. It was possible that we had been baflled by head winds, and were still in the near vicinity of Nantucket. This notion, however, I was forced to abandon ; for such being the case, the brig must have frequently gone about ; and I was en- tirely satisfied, from her continual inclination to the larboard, that she had been sailing all along with a steady breeze on her starboard quarter. Besides, granting that we were still in the neighborhood of the island, why should not Augustus have vis- ited me and informed me of the circumstance ? Pondering in this manner upon the difficulties of my solitary and cheerless condition, I resolved to wait yet another twenty-four hours, when, if no relief were obtained, I would make my way to the trap, and endeavor either to hold a parley with my friend, or get at least a little fresh air through the opening, and a further supply of water from his stateroom. While occupied with this thought, however, I fell, in spite of every exertion to the contrary, into a state of profound sleep, or rather stupor. My dreams were of the most terrific description. Every species of calamity and horror befell me. Among other miseries, I was smothered to death between huge pillows, by demons of the most ghastly and ferocious aspect. Immense serpents held me in their embrace, and looked earnestly in my face with their fearfully shining eyes. Then, deserts, limitless, and of the most forlorn sfnd awe-inspiring char- acter. spread themselves out before me. Immensely tall trunks of trees, gray and leafless, rose up in endless succession as far as the eye could reach. Their roots were concealed in wide- spreading morasses, whose dreary water lay intensely black, still, and altogether terrible, beneath. And the strange trees seemed endowed with a human vitality, and waving to and fro their skel- eton arms, were crying to the silent waters for mercy, in the A. GORDON PYM. 31 shrill and piercing accents of the most acute agony and desp:iir The scene changed ; and I stood, naked and alone, amid the Durning sand-plains of Zahara. At my feet lay crouched a fierce lion of the tropics. Suddenly his wild eyes opened and fell upon me. With a convulsive bound he sprang to his feet, ami laid bare his horrible teeth. In another instant there burst from his red throat a roar like the thunder of the firmament, and I fell impetuously to the earth. Stifling in a paroxysm of terror, I at last found myself partially awake. My dream, then, was not all a dream. Now, at least, I was in possession of my senses. The paws of some huge and real monster were pressing heavily upon my bosom his hot breath was in my ear and his white and ghast^ fangs were gleaming upon me through the gloom. Had a thousand lives hung upon the movement of a limb or the utterance of a syllable, I could have neither stirred nor spoken. The beast, whatever it was, retained his position with- out attempting any immediate violence, while I lay in an utterly helpless, and, I fancied, a dying condition beneath him. I felt that my powers of body and mind were fast leaving me in a word, that I was perishing, and perishing of sheer fright. My brain swam I grew deadly sick my vision failed even the glaring eyeballs above me grew dim. Making a last strong effort, I at length breathed a faint ejaculation to God, and resigned myself to die. The sound of my voice seemed to arouse all the latent fury of the animal. He precipitated himself at full length upon my body ; but what was my astonishment, when, with a long and low whine, he commenced licking my face and hands with the greatest eagerness, and with the most extravagant demonstra- tions of affection and joy ! I was bewildered, utterly lost in amazement but I could not forget the peculiar whine of my Newfoundland dog Tiger, and the odd manner of his caresses I well knew. It was he. 1 experienced a sudden rush of blood to my temples a giddy and overpowering sense of deliverance and reanimation. I rose hurriedly from the mattress upon which I had been lying, and, throwing myself upon the neck of my faithful follower and friend, relieved the long oppression of my bosom in a flood of the most passionate tears. As upon a former occasion nv conceptions were in a state 32 NARRATIVE OF of the greatest indistinctness and confusion after leaving ihfl mattress. For a long time I found it nearly impossible tu con- nect any ideas ; but, by very slow degrees, my thinking faculties returned, and I again called to memory the several incidents of my condition. For the presence of Tiger I tried in vain to ac count; and after busying myself with a thousand different con- jectures respecting him, was forced to content myself with re- joicing that he was with me to share my dreary solitude, and render me comfort by his caresses. Most people love their dogs, but for Tiger I had an affection far more ardent than com- mon ; and never, certainly, did any creature more truly deserve it. For seven years he had been my inseparable companion, and in a multitude of instances had given evidence of all the noble qualities for which we value the animal. I had rescued him, when a puppy, from the clutches of a malignant little vil- lain in Nantucket, who was leading him, with a rope around his neck, to the water; and the grown dog repaid the obligation, about three years afterward, by saving me from the bludgeon of a street robber. Getting now hold of the watch, I found, upon applying it to my ear, that it had again run down ; but at this I was not at all surprised, being convinced, from the peculiar state of my feel- ings, that I had slept, as before, for a very long period of time ; how long, it was of course impossible to say. I was burning up with fever, and my thirst was almost intolerable. I felt about the box for my little remaining supply of water, for I had no light, the taper having burnt to the socket of the lantern, and the phosphorus-box not coming readily to hand. Upon finding the jug, however, I discovered it to be empty Tiger, no doubt, having been tempted to drink it, as well as to devour the rem- nant of mutton, the bone of which lay, well picked, by the open- ing of the box. The spoiled meat I could well spare, but my heart sank as I thought of the water. I was feeble in the ex- treme, so much so that I shook all over, as with an ague, at the slightest movement or exertion. To add to my troubles, the brig was pitching and rolling with great violence, and the oil-casks which lay upon my box were in momentary danger of falling down, so as to block up the only way of ingress u 1 egress. I A. GORDON PYM. 33 felt, also, terrible sufferings from sea-sickness. These considera- tions determined me to make my way, at all hazards, to the trap, and obtain immediate relief, before I should bo incapaci- tated from doing so altogether Having come to this resolve, I again felt about for the phosphorus-box and tapers. The former I found after some little trouble ; but, not discovering the tapers as soon as I had expected (for I remembered very nearly the spot in which I had placed them), I gave up the search for the present, and bidding Tiger lie quiet, began at once my journey towards the trap. In this attempt my great feebleness became more than ever apparent. It was with the utmost difficulty I could crawl along at all, and very frequently my limbs sank suddenly from be- neath me ; when, falling prostrate on my face, I would remain for some minutes in a state bordering on insensibility. Still I struggled forward by slow degrees, dreading every moment that I should swoon amid the narrow and intricate windings of the lumber, in which event I had nothing but death to expect as the result. At length, upon making a push forward with all the energy I could command. I struck my forehead violently against the sharp corner of an iron-bound crate. The accident only stunned me for a few moments ; but I found, to my inexpressible grief, that the quick and violent roll of the vessel had thrown the crate entirely across my path, so as effectually to block up the passage. With my utmost exertions I could not move it a single inch from its position, it being closely wedged in among the surrounding boxes and ship-furniture. It became necessary, therefore, enfeebled as I was, either to leave the guidance of the whipcord and seek out a new passage, or to climb over the obstacle, and resume the path on the other side. The former alternative presented too many difficulties and dangers to be thought of withput a shudder. In my present weak state of both mind and body, I should infallibly lose my way if I attempted it. and perish miserably amid the dismal and disgusting laby- rinths of the hold. I proceeded, therefore, without hesitation, to summon up all my remaining strength and fortitude, and en- deavor, as I best might, to clamber over the crate. Upon standing erect, with this end in view, I found the un- 34 NARRATIVE OF dertaking even a more serious task than my fears had led me to imagine. On each side of the narrow passage arose a com- plete wall of various heavy lumber, which the least blunder on my part might be the means of bringing down upon my head ; ur, if this accident did not occur, the path might be effectually blocked up against my return by the descending mass, as it was in front by the obstacle there.- The crate itself was a long and unwieldy box, upon which no foothold could be obtained. In vain I attempted, by every means in my power, to reach the top, with the hope of being thus enabled to draw myself up. Had I succeeded in reaching it, it is certain that my strength Avould have proved utterly inadequate to the task of getting over, and it was better in every respect that I failed. At length, in a desperate effort to force the crate from its ground, I felt a strong vibration in the side next me. I thrust my hand eagerly to the edge of the planks, and found that a very large one was loose. With my pocket-knife which, luckily, I had with me, I succeeded, after great labor, in prying it entirely off; and, get- ting through the aperture, discovered, to my exceeding joy, that there were no boards on the opposite side in other words, that the top was wanting, it being the bottom through which I had forced my way. I now met with no important difficulty in pro- ceeding along the line until I finally reached the nail. With a beating heart I stood erect, and with a gentle touch pressed against the cover of the trap. It did not rise as soon as I had expected, and I pressed it with somewhat more determination, Btill dreading lest some other person than Augustus might be in his state-room. The door, however, to my astonishment, re- mained steady, and I became somewhat uneasy, for I knew that it had formerly required little or no effort to remove it. I push- ed it strongly it was nevertheless firm : with all my strength it still did not give way : with rage, with fury, .with despair it set at defiance my utmost efforts ; and it was evident, from the unyielding nature of the resistance, that the hole had either been discovered and effectually nailed up, or that some immense weight had been placed upon it, which it was useless to think of removing. My sensations were those of extreme horror and dismay, In A. GORDON PVM. 35 rain I attempted to reason on the probable cause of my being thus entombed. I could summon up no connected chain of re- flection, and, sinking on the floor, gave way, unresistingly, to the most gloomy imaginings, in which the dreadful deaths of thirst, famine, suffocation, and premature interment, crowded upon me as the prominent disasters to be encountered. At length there returned to me some portion of presence of mind. I arose, and felt with my fingers for the seams or cracks of the aperture. Having found them, I examined them closely to ascertain if they emitted any light from the state-room ; but none was visi- ble. I then forced the pen-blade of my knife through them, until I met with some hard obstacle. Scraping against it, I discovered it to be a solid mass of iron, which, from its peculiar wavy feel as I passed the blade along it, I concluded to be a chain-cable. The only course now left me was to retrace my way to the box, and there either yield to my sad fate, or try so to tranquilize my mind as to admit of my arranging some plan of escape. 1 immediately set about the attempt, and succeeded, after innu- merable difficulties, in getting back. As I sank, utterly ex- hausted, upon the mattress, Tiger threw himself at full length by my side, and seemed as if desirous, by his caresses, of con- soling me in my troubles, and urging me to bear them with for- titude. The singularity of his behavior at length forcibly arrested my attention. After licking my face and hands for some mi- nutes, he would suddenly cease doing so, and utter a low whine. Upon reaching out my hand towards him, I then invarably found him lying on his back, with his paws uplifted. This conduct, so frequently repeated, appeared strange, and I could in no manner account for it. As the dog seemed distressed, I concluded that he had received some injury ; and, taking his paws in my hands, I examined them one by one, but found no sign of any hurt. I then supposed him hungry, and gave him a large piece of ham, which he devoured with avidity afterward, however, resuming his extraordinary manoeuvres. I now imagined that he was suffering, like myself, the torments of thirst, and was about adopting this conclusion as the true one, when the idea occurred to me that I had as yet only exi> ined his paws, and that then- 36 NARRATIVE OF might possibly be a wound upon some portion of hib body or head. The latter I felt carefully over, but found nothing. On passing my hand, however, along his back, I perceived a slight erection of the hair extending completely across it. Probing this with .u y finger, I discovered a string, and tracing it up, found that it encircled the whole body. Upon a closer scrutiny, I came across a small slip of what had the feeling of letter paper, through which the string had been fastened in such a manner as to bring it immediately beneath the left shoulder of the animal. CHAPTER III. THE thought instantly occurred to me that the paper was a note from Augustus, and that some unaccountable accident having happened to prevent his relieving me from my dungeon, he had devised this method of acquainting me with the true state of affairs. Trembling with eagerness, I now commenced another search for my phosphorus matches and tapers. I had a confused recollection of having put them carefully away just before falling asleep ; and, indeed, previously to my last journey to the trap, I had been able to remember the exact spot where I had deposited them. But now I endeavored in vain to call it to inind, and busied myself for a full hour in a fruitless and vexatious search for the missing articles ; never, surely, was there a more tanta- lizing state of anxiety and suspense. At length, while groping about, with my head close to the ballast, near the opening of the box, and outside of it, I perceived a faint glimmering of light in the direction of the steerage. Greatly surprised, I endeavored to make my way towards it, as it appeared to be but a few feet from my position. Scarcely had I moved with this intention, when I lost sight of the glimmer entirely, and, before I could bring it into view again, was obliged to feel along by the box until I had exactly resumed my original situation. Now, moving my head with caution to and fro, I found that, by pro- ceeding slowly, with great care, in an opposite direction to that in which I had at first started, I was enabled to draw near tho A. GORDON PYM. 37 light, still keeping it in view. Presently I came dhectly upon it (huving squeezed my way through innumerable narrow wind- ings), and found that it proceeded from some fragments of my matches lying in an empty barrel turned upon its side. I was wondering how they came in such a place, when my hand fell upon two or three pieces of taperwax, which had been evidently mumbled by the dog. - 1 concluded at once that he had devoured T he whole of my supply of candles, and I felt hopeless of being ever able to read the note of Augustus. The small remnants of the wax were so mashed up among other rubbish in the barrel, that I despaired of deriving any service from them, and left them as they were. The phosphorus, of which there was only a speck or two, I gathered up as well as I could, and returned with it, after much difficulty, to my box, where Tiger had all the while remained. What to do next I could not tell. The hold was so intensely dark that I could not see my hand, however close I would hold it to my face. The white slip of paper could barely be discerned, and not even that when I looked at it directly ; by turning the exterior portions of the retina towards it, that is to say, by sur- veying it slightly askance, I found that it became in some measure perceptible. Thus the gloom of my prison may be ima- gined, and the note of my friend, if indeed it were a note from him, seemed only likely to throw me into further trouble, by disquieting to no purpose my already enfeebled and agitated mind. In vain I revolved in my brain a multitude of absurd expedients for procuring light such expedients precisely as a man in the perturbed sleep occasioned by opium would be apt to fall upon for a similar purpose each and all of which appear by turns to the dreamer the most reasonable and the most preposterous of conceptions, just as the reasoning or imaginative faculties flicker, alternately, one above the other. At last an idea occurred to me which seemed rational, and which gave me cause to wonder, very justly, that I had not entertained it before. I placed the slip of paper on the back of a book, and, collecting the fragments of* the phosphorus matches which I had brought from the barrel, laid them together upon the paper. 1 then, with the palm of my hand, rubbed the whole over quickly ; 38 NARRATIVE OF yet steadily. A clear light diffused itself immediately throughout the whole surface ; and had there been any writing upon it. I should not have experienced the least difficulty, I am sure, in reading it. Not a syllable was there, however nothing but a dreary and unsatisfactory blank ; the illumination died away in a few seconds, and my heart died away within me as it went. I have before stated more than once that my intellect, for some period prior to this, had been in a condition nearly bordering on idiocy. There were, to be sure, momentary intervals of perfect sanity, and, now and then, even of energy ; but these were few. It must be remembered that I had been, for many days certain- ly, inhaling the almost pestilential atmosphere of a close hole in a whaling vessel, and a long portion of that time but scantily supplied with water. For the last fourteen or fifteen hours I had none nor had I slept during that time. Salt provisions of the most exciting kind had been my chief, and, indeed, since the loss of the mutton, my only supply of food, wi:h the exception of the sea-biscuit ; and these latter were utterly useless to me, as they were too dry and hard to be swallowed in the swollen and parched condition of my throat. I was now in a high state of fever, and in every respect exceedingly ill. This will account for the fact that many miserable hours of despondency elapsed after my last adventure with the phosphorus, before the thought suggested it- self that I had examined only one side of the paper. I shall not attempt to describe my feelings of rage (for I believe I was more angry than anything else) when the egregious oversight I had committed flashed suddenly upon my perception. The blunder itself would have been unimportant, had not my own folly and impetuosity rendered it otherwise in my disappoint- ment at not finding some words upon the slip, I had childishly torn it in pieces and thrown it away, it was impossible to say where. From the worst part of this dilemma I was relieved by the sagacity of Tiger. Having got, after a long search, a small piece oi the note, I put it to the dog's nose, and endeavored to make him understand that he must bring me the rest of it. To my astonishment, (for I had taught him none of the usual tricks for which his breed are famous), he seemed to enter at once into my meaning, and, rummaging about for a few moments, soon A. GORDON PYM. 39 found another considerable portion. Bringing me this, he paused a while, and, rubbing his nose against my hand, appeared to be waiting for my approval of what he had done. I patted him on the head, when he immediately made off again. It was now some minutes before he came back but when he did come, he brought with him a large slip, which proved to be all the paper missing it having been torn, it seems, only into three pieces. Luckily, I had no trouble in finding what few fragments of the phosphorus were left being guided by the indistinct glow one or two of the particles still emitted. My difficulties had taught me the necessity of caution, and I now took time to reflect upon what I was about to do. It was very probable, I considered, that some words were written upon that side of the paper which had not been examined but which side was that ? Fitting the pieces together gave me no clue in this respect, although it assured me that the words (if there were any) would be found all on one side, and connected in a proper manner, as written. There was the greater necessity of ascertaining the point in question beyond a doubt, as the phosphorus remaining would be altogether insufficient for a third Attempt, should I fail in the one I was now about to make. I placed the paper on a book as before, and sat for some minutes thoughtfully revolving the mat- ter over in my mind. At last I thought it barely possible that the written side might have some unevenness on its surface, which a delicate sense of feeling might enable me to detect. I determined to make the experiment, and passed my finger very carefully over the side which first presented itself nothing, how- ever, was perceptible, and I turned the paper, adjusting it on the book. I now again carried my forefinger cautiously along, when I was aware of an exceedingly slight, but still discernible glow, which followed as it proceeded. This, I knew, must arise from some very minute remaining particles of the phosphorus with which I had covered the paper in my previous attempt. The other, or under side, then, was that on which lay the writing, if writing there should finally prove to be. Again I turned the note, and went to work as I had previously done. Having rubbed in the phosphorus, a brilliancy ensued as before but this time several lines of MS. in a large hand, and apparently 40 NARRATIVE OF in red ink, became distinctly visible. Tht g immer, although sufficiently bright, was but momentary. Still, had I not been too greatly excited, there would have betn ample time enough for me to peruse the whole three sentences before me- for I saw there were three. In my anxiety, however, to read all at once, I succeeded only in reading the seven concluding words, which thus appeared "blood your life depends upon lying dose" Had I been able to ascertain the entire contents of the note the full meaning of the admonition which my friend had thus attempted to convey, that admonition, even although it should have revealed a story of disaster the most unspeakable, could not, I am firmly convinced, have imbued my mind with one tithe of the harrowing and yet indefinable horror with which I was inspired by the fragmentary warning thus received. And " blood," too, that word of all words so rife at all times with mystery, and suffering, and terror how trebly full of import did it now appear how chillily and heavily (disjointed, as it thus was, from any foregoing words to qualify or render it distinct) did its vague syllables fall, amid the deep gloom of my prison, into the inner- most recesses of my soul ! Augustus had, undoubtedly, good reasons for wishing me to remain concealed, and I formed a thousand surmises as to what they could be but I could think of nothing affording a satis- factory solution of the mystery. Just after returning from my last journey to the trap, and before my attention had been other- wise directed by the singular conduct of Tiger, I had come to the resolution of making myself heard at all events by those on board, or, if I could not succeed in this directly, of trying to cut my way through the orlop deck. The half certainty which I felt of being able to accomplish one of these two purposes in the last emergency, had given me courage (which I should not other- wise have had) to endure the evils of my situation. The few words I had been able to read, however, had cut me off from these final resources, and I now, for the first time, felt all the misery of my fate. In a paroxysm of despair I threw myself again upon the mattress, where, for about the period of a day A GORDON PYM 41 and night, I lay in a kind of stupor, relieved only by momentary intervals of reason and recollection. At length I once more arose, and busied myself in reflection upon the horrors which encompassed me. For another twenty- four hours it was barely possible that I might exist without water for a longer time I could not do so. During the first portion of my imprisonment I had made free use of the cordials with which Augustus had supplied me, but they only served to excite fever, without in the least degree assuaging my thirst. I had now only about a gill left, and this was of a species of strong peach liqueur at which my stomach revolted. The sau- sages were entirely consumed ; of the ham nothing remained but a small piece of the skin ; and all the biscuit, except a few fragments of one, had been eaten by Tiger. To add to my troubles, I found that my headache was increasing momentarily, and with it the species of delirium which had distressed me more or less since my first falling asleep. For some hours past it had been with the greatest difficulty I could breathe at all, and now each attempt at so doing was attended with the most distressing spasmodic action of the chest. But there was still another and very different source of disquietude, and one, indeed, whose harassing terrors had been the chief means of arousing me to exertion from my stupor on the mattress. It arose from the de- meanor of the dog. I first observed an alteration in his conduct while rubbing m the phosphorus on the paper in my last attempt. As I rubbed, he ran his nose against my hand with a slight snarl ; but I was too greatly excited at the time to pay much attention to the cir- cumstance. Soon afterward, it will be remembered, I threw myself on the mattress, and fell into a species of lethargy. Pre- sently 1 became aAvare of a singular hissing sound close at my ears, and discovered it to proceed from Tiger, who was panting and wheezing in a state of the greatest apparent excitement, his eyeballs flashing fiercely through the gloom. I spoke to him, when he replied with a low growl, and then remained quiet. Presently I relapsed into my stupor, from which I was again awakened in a similar manner. This was repeated three or four times, until finally his behavior inquired me with so great a de- 42 NARRATIVE OF gree of f3h.r, that I became fully aroused. He was now lying close by the door of the box, snarling fearfully, although in a kind of under-tone, and grinding his teeth as if strongly con- vulsed. I had no doubt whatever that the want of water or the confined atmosphere of the hold had driven him mad, and I was at a loss what course to pursue. I could not endure the thought of killing him, yet it seemed absolutely necessary for my own safety. I could distinctly perceive his eyes fastened upon me with an expression of the most deadly animosity, and I expected every instant that he would attack me. At last 1 could endure my terrible situation no longer, and determined to make my way from the box at all hazards, and dispatch him, if his opposition should render it necessary for me to do so. To get out, I had to pass directly over his body, and he already seemed to anticipate my design raising himself upon his fore-legs (as I perceived by the altered position of his eyes), and displayed the whole of his white fangs, which were easily discernible. I took the re- mains of the ham-skin, and the bottle containing the liqueur, and secured them about my person, together with a large carving knife which Augustus had left me then, folding my cloak as closely around me as possible, I made a movement towards the mouth of the box. No sooner did I do this, than the dog sprang with a lond growl towards my throat. The whole weight of his body struck me on the right shoulder, and I fell violently to the left, while the enraged animal passed entirely over me. I had fallen upon my knees, with my head buried among the blankets, and these protected, me from a second furious assault, during which I felt the sharp teeth pressing vigorously upon the woollen which enveloped my neck yet, luckily, without being able to penetrate all the folds. I was now beneath the dog, and a few moments would place me completely in his power. Despair gave me strength, and I rose boldly up, shaking him from me by main force, and dragging with me the blankets from the mat- tress. These I now threw over him, and before he could extri- cate himself, I had got through the door and closed it effectually against his pursuit. In this struggle, however, I had been forced to drop the morsel of ham-skin, and I now found my whole stock of provisions -educed to a single gill of liqueur, As this rcfl.ec- A. GORDON PYM. 43 lion crossed my mind, 1 felt myseF actuated by one of those fits of perverseuess which might be supposed to influence a spoiled child in similar circumstances, and, raising the bottle to my lips, I drained it to the last drop, and dashed it furiously upon the floor. Scarcely had the echo of the crash died away, when I heard my name pronounced in an eager but subdued voice, issuing from the direction of the steerage. So unexpected was any- thing of the kind, and so intense was the emotion excited within me by the sound, that I endeavored in vain to repl.y. My pow- ers of speech totally failed, and, in an agony of terror lest my friend should conclude me dead, and return without attempting to reach me, I stood up between the crates near the door of the box, trembling convulsively, and gasping and struggling for utterance. Had a thousand worlds depended upon a syllable, I could not have spoken it. There was a slight movement now audible among the lumber somewhere forward of my station. The sound presently grew less distinct, then again less so, and still less. Shall I ever forget my feelings at this moment? He was going my friend, my companion, from whom I had a right to expect so much he was going he would abandon me he was gone ! He would leave me to perish miserably, to expire in the most horrible and loathsome of dungeons and one word, one little syllable, would save me yet that single syllable I could not utter ! I felt, I am sure, more than ten thousand times the agonies of death itself. My brain reeled, and I fell, deadly sick, against the end of the box. As I fell, the carving-knife was shaken out from the waist band of my pantaloons, and dropped with a rattling sound to the floor. Never did any strain of the richest melody come so sweetly to my ears ! With the intensest anxiety I listened to ascertain the effect of the noise upon Augustus for I knew that the person who called my name could be no one but himself. All was silent for some moments. At length I again heard the word Arthur ! repeated in a low tone, and one full of hesitation. Reviving hope loosened at once my powers of speech, and I now screamed, at the top of my voice, the mate seized him by the throat, and demanding what he had been doing in the cabin, was about flinging him over the larboard bulwark, when his life was again preserved through the interference of Dirk Peters. Augustus was now put in handcuffs (of which there were several pairs on board), and his feet lashed tightly toge- ther. He was then taken into the steerage, and thrown into a lower berth next to the forecastle bulkheads, with the assurance that he should never put his foot on deck again " until the brig was no longer a brig." This was the expression of the cook, who threw him into the berth it is hardly possible to say what precise mean- ing was intended by' the phrase. The whole affair, however, proved the ultimate means of my relief, as will presently appear. CHAPTER V. FOR some minutes after the cook had left the forecastle, Augustus abandoned himself to despair, never hoping to leave the berth alive. He now came to the resolution of acquainting the first of the men who should come down with my situation, thinking it better to let me take my chance with the mutineers than perish of thirst in the hold for it had been ten days since [ was first imprisoned and my jug of water was not a plentiful .supply even for four. As he was thinking on this subject, the idea came all at once into his head that it might be possible to communicate with me by the way of "ihe main hold. In any Other circumstances, the difficulty and hazard of the undertaking would have prevented him from attempting it; but now ho had, at all events, little prospect of life, and consequently little to lose he bent his whole mind, therefore, upon the task. His handcuffs were the first consideration. At first he saw no method of removing them, and feared that he should thus bo baffled in the very outset ; but uoon a closer scrutiny, he dis- 52 NARRATIVE OF covered that the irons could be slipped off and on at pleasure with very little effort or inconvenience, merely by squeezing his hands through them this species of manacle being altogether ineffectual in confining young persons, in whom the smaller bones readily yield to pressure. He now untied his feet ; and. leaving the cord in such a manner that it could easily be readjusted in the event of any person's coming down, proceeded to examine the bulkhead where it joined the berth. The partition here was of soft pine board, an inch thick, and he saw that he should have little trouble in cutting his way through. A voice was now heard at the forecastle companion-way, and he had just time to put his right hand into its handcuff (the left had not been removed), and to draw the rope in a slipknot around his ankle, when Dirk Peters came below, followed by Tiger, who immediately leaped into the berth and lay down. The dog had been brought on board by Augustus, who knew my attachment to the animal, and thought it would give me pleasure to have him with me during the voyage. He went up to our house for him immediately after first taking me into the hold, but did not think of mentioning the circumstance upon his bringing the watch. Since the mutiny Augustus had not seen him before his appearance with Dirk Peters, and had given him up for lost, supposing him to havta been thrown overboard by some of the malignant villains be- longing to the mate's gang. It appeared afterward that he had crawled into a hole beneath a whale-boat, from which, not having room to turn round, he could not extricate himself. Peters at last let him out, and, with a species of good feeling which my friend knew well how to appreciate, had now brought him to him in the forecastle as a companion, leaving at the same time some salt junk and potatoes, with a can of water : he then went on deck, promising to come down with something more to eat on the next day. When he had gone, Augustus freed both hands from the ma- nacles and unfastened his feet. He then turned down the head of the mattress on which he had been lying, and with his pen-- knife (for the ruffians had not tt ought it worth while to search him) commenced cutting vigorously across one of the partition planks, a- closely as possible to the floor of the berth. He A GORDON PYM. 53 cho^e to cut here, because, if suddenly interrupted, he would be able to conceal what had been done by letting the head of the mattress fall into its proper position. For the remainder of r.he day, however, no disturbance occurred, and by night he .had completely divided the plank. It should here be observed, that none of the crew occupied the forecastle as a sleeping-place, living altogether in the cabin since the mutiny, drinking the wines, and feasting on the sea-stores of Captain Barnard, and giving no more heed than was absolutely necessary to the navi- gation of the brig. These circumstances proved fortunate both, for myself and Augustus ; for, had matters been otherwise, he would have found it impossible to reach me. As it was, he pro- ceeded with confidence in his design. It was near daybreak, however, before he completed the second division of the board (which was about a foot above the first cut), thus making an aperture quite large enough to admit his passage through with facility to the main orlop deck. Having got here, he made his way with but little trouble to the lower main hatch, although in so doing he had to scramble over tiers of oil-casks piled nearly as high as the upper deck, there being barely room enough left for his body. Upon reaching the hatch, he found that Tiger had followed him below, squeezing between two rows of the casks It was now too late, however, to attempt getting to me before dawn, as the chief difficulty lay in passing through the close stowage in the lower hold. He therefore re.. There could be no doubt, from his behavior, that he was aware of my being in the hold, and Augustus thought it possible that he would be able to get to me if he put him down. He now hit upon the expedient of sending the note, as it was espe- cially desirable that I should make no attempt at forcing my way out, at least under existing circumstances, and there could be no certainty of his getting to me himself on the morrow as he 54 NARRATIVE OF intended. After events proved how fortunate it was that the idea occurred to him as it did ; for, had it not been for the re- ceipt of t-he note, I should undoubtedly have fallen upon some plau, however desperate, of alarming the crew, and both our lives would most probably have been sacrificed in consequence. Having concluded to write, the difficulty was now to procure the materials for so doing. An old toothpick was soon made into a pen ; and this by means of feeling altogether, for the between- clecks were as dark as pitch. Paper enough was obtained from the back of a letter a duplicate of the forged letter from Mr. Ross. This had been the original draught; but the handwriting not being sufficiently well imitated, Augustus had written an- other, thrusting the first, by good fortune, into his coat-pocket, v r here it was now most opportunely discovered. Ink alone was thus wanting, and a substitute was immediately found for this by means of a slight incision with the penknife on the back of a finger just above the nail a copious flow of blood ensuing, as u:;ual, from wounds in that vicinity. The note was now written, as well as it could be in the dark, and under the circumstances. It briefly explained that a mutiny had taken place ; that Captain Barnard was set adrift ; and that I might expect immediate relief as far as provisions were concerned, but must not venture upon making any disturbance. It concluded with these words : "/ have scrawled this with blood your life depends upon lying close." The slip of paper being tied upon the dog, he was now put down the hatchway, and Augustus made the best of his wav back to the forecastle, where he found no reason to believe thai any of the crew had been in his absence. To conceal the hole in the partition, he drove his knife in just above it, and hung up a pea-jacket which he found in the berth. His handcuffs were then replaced, and also the rope around his ankles. These arrangements were scarcely completed when Dirk Peters came below, very drunk, but in excellent humor, and bringing with him my friend's allowance of provision for the day. This consisted of a dozen large Irish potatoes roasted, and a pitcher of water. He sat for some time or. a chest by the berth, ard talked freely about the mate and the general concerns of A. GORDON PYM. 55 the brig. His demeanor was exceedingly capricious, ar.d even grotesque. At one time Augustus was much alarmed by his odd conduct. At last, however, he went on deck, muttering a promise to bring his prisoner a good dinner on the morrow. During the day two of the crew (harpooners) came down, ac- companied by the cook, all three in nearly the last stage of intoxication. Like Peters, they made no scruple of talking unreservedly about their plans. It appeared that they were much divided among themselves as to their ultimate course, agreeing in no point, except the attack on the ship from the Cape Verd Islands, with which they were in hourly expectation of meeting. As far as could be ascertained, the mutiny had not been brought about altogether for the sake of booty ; a private pique of the chief mate's against Captain Barnard having been the main instigation. There now seemed to be two principal factions among the crew one headed by the mate, the other by the cook. The former party were for seizing the first suitable vessel which should present itself, and equipping it at some of the West India Islands for a piratical cruise. The latter divi- sion, however, which was the stronger, and included Dirk Peters among its partisans, were bent upon pursuing the course origi- nally laid out for the brig into the South Pacific ; there either to take whale, or act otherwise, as circumstances should suggest. The representations of Peters, who had frequently visited these regions, had great weight, apparently, with the mutineers, wavering, as they were, between half-engendered notions of profit and pleasure. He dwelt on the world of novelty and amusement to be found among the innumerable islands, of the Pacific, on the perfect security and freedom from all restraint to be enjoyed, but, more particularly, on the deliciousness of the climate, on the abundant means of good living, and on the vo- luptuous beauty of the women. As yet, nothing had been abso- lutely determined upon ; but the pictures of the hybrid line- manager were taking strong hold upon the ardent imaginations of the seamen, and there was every probability that his inter? tions would be finally carried into effect. The three men went away in about an hour, and no one else entered the forecastle all day. Augustus lay quiet until nearly 66 NARRATIVE OF night. He then freed himself from the rope and irons, and pre pared for his attempt. A bottle was found in one of the berths ; and this he filled with water from the pitcher left by Peters, fetoring his pockets at the same time with cold potatoes. To his great joy he also came across a lantern, with a small piece of tallow candle in it. This ue could light aj any moment, as Lc had in his possession a box of phosphorus matches. When it was quite dark, he got through the hole in the bulkhead, having taken the precaution to arrange the bedclothes in the berth so as to convey the idea of a person covered up. When through, he hung up the pea-jacket on his knife, as before, to conceal the aperture this manoeuvre being easily effected, as he did not re- adjust the piece of plank taken out until afterward. He was now on the main orlop deck, and proceeded to make his way, as before, between the upper deck and the oil-casks to the main hatchway. Having reached this, he lit the piece of candle, and descended, groping with extreme difficulty among the compact stowage of the hold. In a few moments he became alarmed at the insufferable stench and the closeness of the atmosphere. He could not think it possible that I had survived my confinement for so long a period breathing so oppressive an air. He called my name repeatedly, but I made him no reply, and his appre- hensions seemed thus to be confirmed. The brig was rolling violently, and there was so much noise in consequence, that it was useless to listen for any weak sound, such as those of my breathing or snoring. He threw open the lantern, and held it as high as possible, whenever an opportunity occurred, in order that, by observing the light, I might, if alive, be aware that suc- cor was approaching. Still nothing was heard from me, and the supposition of my death began to assume the character 01 certainty. He determined, nevertheless, to force a passage, ii possible, to the box, and at least ascertain beyond a doubt the frith of his surmises. He pushed on for some time in a most pitiable state of anxiety, until, at length, he found the pathway utterly blocked up, and that there was no possibility of making any farther way by the course in which he had set out. Over- come now by his feelings, he threw himself among the lumbei in despair, and wept like a child It was at this period (Uat lie A. GORDON PYM. 5? heard the crash occasioned by the bottle, which I had throw & down. Fortunate, indeed, was it that the incident occurred* for, upon this incident, trivial as it appears, the thread of my destiny depended. Many years elapsed, however, before I was aware of this facl. A natural shame and regret for his weak- ness and indecision prevented Augustus from confiding to me at once what a more intimate and unreserved communion after- ward induced him to reveal. Upon finding his further progress in the hold impeded by obstacles which lie could not overcome, he had resolved to abandon his attempt at reaching me, and re- turn at once to the forecastle. Before condemning him entirely on this head, the harassing circumstances which embarrassed him should be taken into consideration. The night was fast wearing away, and his absence from the forecastle might be dis- covered ; and, indeed, would necessarily be so, if he should fail to get back to the berth by daybreak. His candle was expiring in the socket, and there would be the greatest difficulty in re- tracing his way to the hatchway in the dark. It must be allowed, too, that he had every good reason to believe me dead ; in which event no benefit could result to me from his reaching the box, and a world of danger would be encountered to no purpose by himself. He had repeatedly called, and I had made him no answer. I had been now eleven days and nights with no more water than that contained in the jug which he had left with rne a supply which it was not a,t all probable I had hoarded in the beginning of my confinement, as I had had every cause to expect a speedy release. The atmosphere of the hold, too, must have appeared to him, coming from the comparatively open air of the steerage, of a nature absolutely poisonous, and by far more intolerable than it had seemed to me upon my first taking up my quarters in the box the hatchways at that time having been constantly open for many months previous. Add to these con- siderations that of the scene of bloodshed and terror so lately witnessed by my friend ; his confinement, privations, and narrow escapes from death, together with the frail and equivocal tenure by which he still existed circumstances all so well calculated to prostrate every energy of mind and the reader will be easily brought, as I have been, to regard his apparent falling off in 58 NARRATIVE OF friendship and in faith with sentiments rather of sorrow than of anger. The crash of the bottle was distinctly heard, yet Augustus was not sure that it proceeded from the hold. The doubt, how- ever, was sufficient inducement to persevere. He clambered up nearly to the orlop deck by means of the stowage, and then, watching for a lull in the pitchings of the vessel, he called out to me in as loud a tone as he could command, regardless, for the moment, of the danger of being overheard by the crew. It will be remembered that on this occasion the voice reached me, but I was so entirely overcome by violent agitation as to be in- capable of reply. Confident, now, that his worst apprehensions were well founded, he descended, with a view of getting back to the forecastle without loss of time. In his haste, some small boxes were thrown down, the noise occasioned by which I heard, as will be recollected. He had made considerable progress on his return when the fall of the knife again caused him to hesi- tate. He retraced his steps immediately, and, clambering up the stowage a second time, called out my name, loudly as before, having watched for a lull. This time I found voice to answer. Overjoyed at discovering me to be still alive, he now resolved to brave every difficulty and danger in reaching me. Having extricated himself as quickly as possible from the labyrinth of lumber by which he w r as hemmed in, he at length struck into an opening which promised better, and finally, after a series of struggles, arrived at the box in a state of utter exhaustion. CHAPTER VI. THE leading particulars of this narration were all that Augus- tus communicated to me while we remained near the box. Ir was not until afterward that he entered fully into all the details. He was apprehensive of being missed, and I was wild with im- patience to leave my detested place of confinement. We resolv- ed to make our way at once to the hole in the bulkhead, near which I was to remain for the present, while he went through to A. GORDON PYM. 59 reconnoitre. To leave Tiger in the box was what neither of U3 could endure to think of; yet, how to act otherwise was the question. He now seemed to be perfectly quiet, and we could not even distinguish the sound of his breathing upon applying our ears closely to the box. I was convinced that he was dead, and determined to open the door. AVe found him lying at full length, apparently in a deep stupor, yet still alive. No time was to be lost, yet I could not bring myself to abandon an animal who had now been twice instrumental in saving my life, without some attempt at preserving him. We therefore dragged him along with us as well as we could, although with the greatest difficulty and fatigue ; Augustus, during part of the time, being forced to clamber over the impediments in our way with the huge dog in his arms a feat to which the feebleness of my frame rendered me totally inadequate. At length we succeeded in reaching the hole, when Augustus got through, and Tiger was pushed in afterward. All was found to be safe, and we did not fail to return sincere thanks to God for our deliverance from the imminent danger we had escaped. For the present, it was agreed that I should remain near the opening, through which my companion could readily supply me with a part of his daily pro- vision, and where I could have the advantages of breathing an atmosphere comparatively pure. In explanation of some portions of this narrative, wherein I have spoken of the stowage of the brig, and which may appeal ambiguous to some of my readers who may have seen a proper or regular stowage, I must here state that the manner in which this most important duty had been performed on board the Grampus was a most shameful piece of neglect on the part of Captain Barnard, who was by no means as careful or as expe- rienced a seaman as the hazardous nature of the service on which he was employed, would seem necessarily to demand. A proper stowage cannot be accomplished in a careless manner, and many most disastrous accidents, even within the limits of my own ex- perience, have arisen from neglect or ignorance in this particular. Coasting vessels, in the frequent hurry and bustle attendant upon taking in or discharging cargo, are the most liable to mishap from the want of a proper attention to stowage. The great 60 NARRATIVE OF point is to allow no possibility of the cargo or ballast's shifting position even in the most violent rollings of the vessel. With this end, great attention must be paid, not only to the bulk taken in, but to the nature of the bulk, and whether there be a full or only a partial cargo. In most kinds of freight the stowage is accomplished by means of a screw. Thus, in a load of tobacco or flour, the whole is screwed so tightly into the hold of the ves- sel that the barrels or hogsheads, upon discharging, are found to be completely flattened, and take some time to regain their original shape. This screwing, however, is resorted to princi- pally with a view of obtaining more room in the hold ; for in a full load of any such commodities as flour or tobacco, there can be no danger of any shifting whatever, at least none from which inconvenience can result. There have been instances, indeed, where this method of screwing has resulted in the most lamen- table consequences, arising from a cause altogether distinct from the danger attendant upon a shifting of cargo. A load of cotton, for example, tightly screwed while in certain conditions, has been known, through the expansion of its bulk, to rend a vessel asunder at sea. There can be no doubt, either, that the same result would ensue in the case of tobacco, while undergoing its usual course of fermentation, were it not for the interstices consequent upon the rotundity of the hogsheads. It is when a partial cargo is received that danger is chiefly to be apprehended from shifting, and that precautions should be always taken to guard against such misfortune. Only those who have encountered a violent gale of wind, or rather who have experienced the rolling of a vessel in a sudden calm after the gale, can form an idea of the tremendous force of the plunges, and of the consequent terrible impetus given to all loose articles in the vessel. It is then that the necessity of a cautious stow- age, when there is a partial cargo, becomes obvious. When lying to (especially with a small head sail), a vessel which is not properly modelled in the bows is frequently thrown upon her beam-ends ; this occurring even every h'fteen or twenty mi- nutes upon an average, yet without any serious consequences resulting, provided there be a proper stowage. If this, however, has not been strictly attended to, in the first of theae heavy A. GORDON PYM. 61 lurches the whole of the cargo tumbles over to the side of the vessel which lies upon the water, and, being thus prevented from regaining her equilibrium, as she would otherwise necessarily do, she is certain to fill in a few seconds and go down. It is not too much to say that at least one half of the instances in which vessels have foundered in heavy gales at sea may be attributed to a shifting of cargo or of ballast. When a partial cargo of any kind is taken on board, the whole, after being first stowed as compactly as may be, should be co- vered with a layer of stout shifting-boards, extending com- pletely across the vessel. Upon these boards strong temporary stanchions should be erected, reaching to the timbers above, and thus securing everything in its place. In cargoes consisting of grain, or any similar matter, additional precautions are requisite. A hold filled entirely with grain upon leaving port will be found not more than three fourths full upon reaching its destina- tion this, too, although the freight, when measured bushel by bushel by the consignee, will overrun by a vast deal (on account of the swelling of the grain) the quantity consigned. This result is occasioned by settling during the voyage, and is the more perceptible in proportion to the roughness of the weather experienced. If grain loosely thrown in a vessel, then, is ever so well secured by shifting-boards and stanchions, it will be liable to shift in a long passage so greatly as to bring about the most distressing calamities. To prevent these, every method should be employed before leaving port to settle the cargo as much as possible ; and for this there are many contrivances, among which may be mentioned the driving of wedges into the grain. Even after all this is done, and unusual pains taken to secure the shifting boards, no seaman who knows what he is about will feel altogether secure in a gale of any violence with a cargo of grain on board, and, least of all, with a partial cargo. Yet there are hundreds of our coasting vessels, and, it is likely, many more from the ports of Europe, which sail daily with partial cargoes, even of the most dangerous species, and without any precautions whatever. The wonder is that no more acci- dents occur than do actually happen. A lamentable instance ot this heedlessness occurred to rav knowledge in the case of Cap- 62 NARRATIVE OF tain Joel Rice of the schooner Firefly, which sailed from Rich- mond, Virginia, to Madeira, with a cargo of corn, in the year ]825. The captain had gone many voyages without serious ac- cident, although he was in the habit of paymg no attention what- ever to his stowage, more than to secure it in the ordinary man- ner. He had never before sailed with a cargo of grain, and on this occasion had the corn thrown on board loosely, when it did not much more than half fill the vessel. For the first portion of the voyage he met with nothing more than light breezes ; but when within a day's sail of Madeira there came on a strong gale from the N. N. E. which forced him to lie to. He brought the schooner to the wind under a double-reefed foresail alone, when she rode as well as any vessel could be expected to do, and shipped not a drop of water. Towards night the gale somewhat abated, and she rolled with more unsteadiness than before, but still did very well, until a heavy lurch threw her upon her beam- ends to starboard. The corn was then heard to shift bodily, the force of the movement bursting open the main hatchway. The vessel went down like a shot. This happened within hail of a small sloop from Madeira, which picked up one of the crew (the only person saved), and which rode out the gale in perfect secu- rity, as indeed a jollyboat might have done under proper manage- ment. The stowage on board the Grampus was most clumsily done, if stowage that could be called which was little better than a promiscuous huddling together of oil-casks* and ship furniture. 1 have already spoken of the condition of articles in the hold. On the orlop deck there was space enough for my body (as I Lave stated) between the oil-casks and the upper deck; a space was left open around the main hatchway ; and several other large spaces were left in the stowage. Near the hole cut through the bulkhead by Augustus there was room enough for an entire cask, and in this space I found myself comfortably situated for the present. By the time my friend had got safely into the berth, and re- * Whaling vessels are usually fitted with iron oil-tanks why t.lu Gran^pus was not I have never been able to ascertain. A. GORDON PiTM. 63 adjusted his handcuffs and the rope, it was broad daylight. "VVe had made a narrow escape indeed ; for scarcely had he arranged all matters, when the mate came below with Dirk Peters and the cook. They talked for some time about the vessel from the Cape Verds, and seemed to be excessively anxious for her ap- pearance. At length the cook came to the berth in which Au- gustus was lying, and seated himself in it near the head. I could see and hear everything from my hiding-place, for the piece cut out had not been put back, and I was in momentary expectation that the negro would fall against the pea-jacket, which was hung up to conceal the aperture, in which case all would have been discovered, and our lives would, no doubt, have been instantly sacrificed. Our good fortune prevailed, however ; and although he frequently touched it as the vessel rolled, he never pressed against it sufficiently to bring about a discovery. The bottom of :he jacket had been carefully fastened to the bulkhead, so that the hole might not be seen by its swinging to one side. All this time Tiger was lying in the foot of the berth, and appeared to have recovered in some measure his faculties, for I could see him occasionally open his eyes and draw a long breath. After a few minutes the mate and cook went above, leaving Dirk Peters behind, who, as soon as they were gone, came and sat himself down in the place just occupied by the mate. He began to talk very sociably with Augustus, and we could now see that the greater part of his apparent intoxication, while the two others were with him, was a feint. He answered all my companion's questions with perfect freedom ; told him that he had no doubt of his father's having been picked up, as there were no less than five sail in sight just before sundown on the day he was cut adrift ; and used other language of a consolatory nature, which occasioned me no less surprise than pleasure. Indeed, I began to entertain hope?, that through the instrument- ality of Peters we might be finally enabled to regain possession of the brig, and this idea I mentioned to Augustus as soon as I found an opportunity. He thought the matter possible, but urged the necessity of the greatest caution in making the attempt, as the conduct of the hybrid appeared to be instigated by the most arbitrary caprice alone ; and, indeed, it was difficult to say if he 6-4 NARRATIVE OF was at any moment of sound mind. Peters went upon deck in about an hour, and did not return again until noon, when he brought Augustus a plentiful supply of junk beef and pudding Of this, when we were left alone, I partook heartily, without returning through the hole. No one else came down into the forecastle during the day, and at night I got into Augustus's berth, where I slept soundly and sweetly until nearly daybreak when he awakened me upon hearing a stir upon deck, and I re- gained my hiding-place as quickly as possible. When the day was fully broke, we found that Tiger had recovered his strength almost entirely, and gave no indications of hydrophobia, drinking a little water that was offered him with great apparent eagerness. During the day he regained all his former vigor and appetite. His strange conduct had been brought on, no doubt, by the de- leterious quality of the air of the hold, and had no connection with canine madness. I could not sufficiently i-ejoice that I had persisted in bringing him with me from the box. This day was the thirtieth of June, and the thirteenth since the Grampus made sail from Nantucket. On the second of July the mate came below, drunk as usual, and in an excessively good-humor. He came to Augustus's berth, and, giving him a slap on the back, asked him if he thought he could behave himself if he let him loose, and whether he would promise not to be going into the cabin again. To this, of course, my friend answered in the affirmative, when the ruffian set him at liberty, after making him drink from a flask of rum which he drew from his coat-pocket. Both now went on deck, and I did not see Augustus for about three hours. lie then came below with the good news that he had obtained permission to go about the brig as he pleased anywhere forward of the mainmast, and that he had been ordered to sleep, as usual, in the forecastle. He brought me, too, a good dinner, and a plentiful supply of water The brig was still cruising for the vessel from the Cape Verds, and a sail was now in sight, which was thought to be the one in ques- tion. As the events of the ensuing eight days were of little im- portance, and had no direct bearing upon the main incidents of my narrative, I will here throw them into the form of a journal as I do not wish to omit them altogether A. GORDON PYM. 65 fitly 3. Augustus furnished me with three blankets, with whi^h I contrived a comfortable bed in my hiding-place. No one came below, except my companion, during the day. Tiger took his station in the berth just by the aperture, and slept heavily, as if not yet entirely recovered from the effects of his sickness. Towards night a flaw of wind struck the brig before sail could be taken in, and very nearly capsized her. The puff died away immediately, however, and no damage was done beyond the sj litting of the foretopsail. Dirk Peters treated Augustus all this day with great kindness, and entered into a long conversa- tion with him respecting the Pacific Ocean, and the islands he had visited in that region. He asked him whether he would not like to so with the mutineers on a kind of exploring and pleasure voyage in those quarters, and said that the men were gradually coming over to the mate's views. To this Augustus thought it best to reply that he would be glad to go on such an adventure, since nothing better could be done, and that anything was preferable to a piratical life July 4:th. The vessel in sight proved to be a small brig from Liverpool, and was allowed to pass unmolested. Augustus spent most of his time on deck, with a view of obtaining all the in- r ormation in his power respecting the intentions of the mutineers. They had frequent and violent quarrels among themselves, in one of which a harpooner, Jim Bonner, was thrown overboard. The party of the mate was gaining ground. Jim Bonner be- longed to the cook's gang, of which Peters was a partisan. July 6th. About daybreak there came on a stiff breeze from the west, which at noon freshened into a gale, so that the brig could carry nothing more than her trysail and foresail. In tak- ing in the foretopsail, Simms, one of the common hands, and belonging also to the cock's gang, fell overboard, being very much in liquor, and was drowned no attempt being made to save him. The whole number of persons on board was now thirteen, to wit : Dirk Peters ; Seymour, the black cook ; Jones; Greely ; Hartman Rogers; and William Allen, of the cook's party ; the mate, whose name I never learned ; Ab- salom Hicks; Wilson; John Hunt; and Richard Parker, of the mate's party besides Augustus and myself. July Cith. The gale lasted all this day, blowing in heavy 66 NARRATIVE OF squalls, accompanied with rain. The brig took in a good deal of water through her seams, and one Df the pumps was kept continually going, Augustus being forced to take his turn. Just at twilight a large ship passed close by us, without having been discovered until within hail. This ship was supposed to be the one for which the mutineers were on the look-out. The mate hailed her, but the reply was drowned in the roaring of the gale. At eleven, a sea was shipped amid-ships, which tore away a great portion of the larboard bulwarks, and did some other slight damage. Towards morning the weather moderated, and at sunrise there was very little wind. July 7th. There was a heavy swell running all this day, dur- ing which the brig, being light, rolled excessively, and many articles broke loose in the hold, as I could hear distinctly from my hiding-place. I suffered a great deal from sea-sickness. Peters had a long conversation this day with Augustus, and told him that two of his gang, Greely and Allen, had gone over to the mate, and were resolved to turn pirates. He put several questions to Augustus which he did not then exactly understand. During a part of this evening the leak gained upon the vessel ; and little could be done to remedy it, as it was occasioned by the brig's straining, and taking in the water through her seams. A sail was thrummed, and got under the bows, which aided us in some measure, so that we began to gain upon the leak. July 8th. A light breeze sprung up at sunrise from the east- ward, when the mate headed the brig to the southwest, with the intention of making some of the West India Islands, in pursu- ance of his piratical designs. No opposition was made by Peters or the cook at least none in the hearing of Augustus. All idea of taking the vessel from the Cape Verds was abandoned. The leak was now easily kept under by one pump going every three quarters of an hour. The sail was drawn from beneath the bows. Spoke two small schooners during the day. July Wi. Fine weather. All hands employed in repairing bulwarks. Peters had again a long conversation with Augustus, and spoke more plainly than he had done heretofore. He said nothing should induce him to come into the mate's views, and even hinted his intention of taking the brig out of his hands. A.. GORDON PYM. 67 He asked my friend if he could depend upon his aid in such ease, to which Augustus said, "Yes," without hesitation. Peters then said' he would sound the others of his party upon the sub- ject, and went away. During the remainder of the day Augustus had no opportunity of speaking with him privately. CHAPTER VII. JULY 10. Spoke a brig from Rio, bound to Norfolk. Weather hazy, with a light baflling wind from the eastward. To-day Hartman Rogers died, having been attacked on the eighth with spasms after drinking a glass of grog. This man was of the cook's party, and one upon whom Peters placed his main reliance. He told Augustus that he believed the mate had poisoned him, and that he expected, if he did not be on the look-out, his own turn would come shortly. There were now only himself, Jones, and the cook belonging to his own gang on the other side there were five. He had spoken to Jones about taking the command fiom the mate; but the project having been coolly received, he had been deterred from pressing the matter any further^ or from saying anything to the cook. It was well, as it happened, that he was so prudent, for in the afternoon the cook expressed his determination of siding' with the mate, and went over formally to that party ; while Jones took an opportunity of quarrelling with Peters, and hinted that he would let the mate know of the plan in agitation. There was now, evidently, no time to be lost and Peters expressed his determination of attempting to take the vessel at all hazards, provided Augustus would lend him his aid. My friend at once assured him of his willingness to enter into any plan for that purpose, and, thinking the opportunity a favorable one, made known the fact of my being on board. At this the hybrid was not more astonished than delighted, as he had no reliance whatever upon Jones, whom he already consid- ered as belonging to the party of the mate. They went below immediately, when Augustus called to me by name, and Peters and myself were soon made acquainted. It was agreed that we 68 NARRATIVE OF should attempt to retake the vessel upon the iirst good opportu- nity, leaving Jones altogether out of our councils. In the event of success, we were to run the brig into the first port that offered, ind deliver her up. The desertion of his party had frustrated Peter's design of going into the Pacific an adventure which ?.ould not be accomplished without a crew, and he depended upon either getting acquitted upon trial, on the score of insanity (which he solemnly averred had actuated him in lending his aid to the mutiny), or upon obtaining a pardon, if found guilty, through the representations of Augustus and myself. Our deli- berations were interrupted for the present by the cry of, "All hands take in sail," and Peters and Augustus ran up on deck. As usual, the crew were nearly all drunk ; and, before sail could be properly taken in, a violent squall laid the brig on her beam-ends. By keeping her away, however, she righted, having shipped a good deal of water. Scarcely was everything secure, when another squall took the vessel, and immediately afterward another no damage being done. There was every appearance of a gale of wind, which, indeed, shortly came on, with great fury, from the northward and westward. All was made as snug as possible, and we laid to, as usual, under a close-reefed fore- Bail. As night drew on, the wind increased in violence, with a remarkably heavy sea. Peters now came into the forecastle with Augustus, and we resumed our deliberations. We agreed that no opportunity could be more favorable than the present for carrying our design into effect, as an attempt at such a moment would never be anticipated. As the brig was snugly laid to, there would be no necessity of manoeuvring her until good weather, when, if we succeeded in our attempt, we might liberate one, or perhaps two of the men, to aid us in tak- ing her into port. The main difficulty was the great dispropor- tion in our forces. There were only three of us, and in the cabin there were nine. All the arms on board, too, were in their possession, with the exception of a pair of small pistols which Peters had concealed about his person, and the large seaman's knife which he always wore in the waistband of his pantaloons. From certain indications, too such, for example, as there being no such thing as an axe or a handspike lying in their customary A. GORDON PY.M. 69 places we began to fear that the mate had his suspicions, at least in regard to Peters, and that he would let slip no opportu- nity of getting rid of him. It was clear, indeed, that what we should determine to do could not be done too soon. Still the }dds \vere too much against us to allow of our proceeding with- out the greatest caution. Peters proposed that he should go up on deck, and enter into conversation with the watch (Allen), when he would be able to throw him into the sea without trouble, and without making any disturbance, by seizing a good opportunity ; that Augustus and myself should then come up, and endeavor to provide ourselves with some kind of weapons from the deck ; and that we should then make a rush together, and secure the companion-way be- fore any opposition could be offered. I objected to this, because I could not believe that the mate (who was a cunning fellow in all matters which did not affect his superstitious prejudices) would suffer himself to be so easily entrapped. The very fact of there being a watch on deck at all was sufficient proof that he was upon the alert it not being usual, except in vessels where discipline is most rigidly enforced, to station a watch on deck when a vessel is lying to in a gale of wind. As I address myself principally, if not altogether, to persons who have never been to sea, it may be as well to state the exact condition of a vessel under such circumstances. Lying to, or, in sea-parlance, " laying to," is a measure resorted to for various purposes, and effected in various manners. In moderate weather, it is fre- quently done with a view of merely bringing the vessel to a stand-still, to wait for another vessel, or any similar object. It the vessel which lies to is under full sail, the manoeuvre is usu- ally accomplished by throwing round some portion of her sails, so as to let the wind take them aback, when she becomes sta- tionary. But we are now speaking of lying to in a gale of winds This is done when the wind is ahead, and too violent to admit of carrying sail without danger of capsizing ; and sometimes even when the wind is fair, but the sea too heavy for the vessel to be put before it. If a vessel be suffered to scud before the wind in a very heavy sea, much damage is usually done her by the shipping of water over her stern, and sometimes by the vie 70 NARRATIVE OF lent plunges she makes forward. This manoeuvre, then, is sel- dom resorted to in such case, unless through necessity. When the vessel is in a leaky condition, she is often put before the wind even in the heaviest seas; for, when lying to, her scams are sure to be greatly opened by her violent straining, and it is not so much the case when scudding. Often, too, it becomes necessary to scud a vessel, either when the blast is so exceeding- ly furious as to tear in pieces the sail which is employed with a view of bringing her head to the wind, or when, through the false modelling of the frame or other causes, this main object cannot be effected. Vessels in a gale of wind are laid to in different manners, according to their peculiar construction. Some lie to best under a foresail, and this, I believe, is the sail most usually employed. Large square-rigged vessels have sails for the express purpose, called storm-staysails. But the jib is occasionally employed by itself sometimes the jib and foresail, or a double-reefed foresail, and not unfrequently the aftersails, are made use of. Foretop- sails are very often found to answer the^urpose better than any other species of sail. The Grampus was generally laid to under a close-reefed foresail. When a vessel is to be laid to, her head is brought up to the wind just so nearly as to fill the sail under which she lies, when hauled flat aft, that is, when brought diagonally across the vessel. This being done, the bows point within a few degrees of the direction from which the wind issues, and the windward bow of course receives the shock of the waves. In this situation a good vessel will ride out a very heavy gale of wind without shipping a drop of water, and without any further attention being requisite on the part of the crew. The helm is usually lashed down, but this is altogether unnecessary (except on account of the noise it makes when loose), for the rudder has no effect upon the vessel when lying to. Indeed, the helm had far better be left loose than lashed very fast, for the rudder is apt to be torn off by heavy seas if there be no room for the helm to play. As long as the sail holds, a well-modelled vessel will maintain her situation, and ride every sea, as if instinct with life and reason. If the violence cf the wind, however, should tear the sail into pieces (a feal A. GORDO.N PYM 71 which it requires a perfect hurricane to accomplish under ordi- nary circumstances), there is then imminent danger. The vessel falls off from the wind, and, coming broadside to the sea, is com- pletely at its mercy : the only resource in this case is to put her quietly before the wind, letting her scud until some other sail can be set. Some vessels will lie to under no sail whatever, but such are not to be trusted at sea. But to return from this digression. It had never been custom- ary with the mate to have any watch on deck when lying to in a gale of wind, and the fact that he had now one, coupled with the circumstance of the missing axes and handspikes, fully convinced us that the crew were too well on the watch to be taken by sur- prise in the manner Peters had suggested. Something, however, was to be done, and that with as little delay as practicable, for there could be no doubt that a suspicion having been once enter- tained against Peters, he would be sacrificed upon the earliest occasion, and one would certainly be either found or made upon the breaking of the gale. Augustus now suggested that if Peters could contrive to re- move, under any pretext, the piece of chain-cable which lay over the trap in the state-room, we might possibly be able to come upon them unawares by means of the hold ; but a little reflection convinced us that the vessel rolled and pitched too violently for any attempt of that nature. By good fortune I at length hit upon the idea of working upon the superstitious terrors and guilty conscience of the mate. It will be remembered that one of the crew, Hartman Rogers, had died during the morning, having been attacked two days before with spasms after drinking some spirits and water. Peters had expressed to us his opinion that this man had been poisoned by the mate, and for this belief he had reasons, so he said, which were incontrovertible, but which lie could not be prevailed upon to explain to us this wayward refusal being only in keeping with other points of his singular character. But whether or not he had any better grounds for suspecting the mate than we had ourselves, we were easily led to fall in with his suspicion, and determined to act accordingly. Rogers had died about eleven in the fovenoon, in violent con 72 NARRATIVE OF vulsions ; and the corpse presented in a few minutes after deaih one of the most horrid and loathsome spectacles I ever remember lo have seen. The stomach was swollen immensely, like that of a man who has been drowned and lain under water for many weeks. The hands were in the same condition, while the face was shrunken, shrivelled, and of a chalky whiteness, except where relieved by two or three glaring red splotches, like those occa- sioned by the erysipelas : one of these splotches extended diago- nally across the face, completely covering up an eye as if with a band of red velvet. In this disgusting condition the body had been brought up from the cabin at noon to be thrown overboard, when the mate getting a glimpse of it (for he now saw it for the first time), and being either touched with remorse for his crime or struck with terror at so horrible a sight, ordered the men to sew the body up in its hammock, and allow it the usual rites of sea-burial. Having given these directions, he went below, as if to avoid any further sight of his victim. While preparations were making to obey his orders, the gale came on with great fury, and the design was abandoned for the present. The corpse, left to itself, was washed into the larboard scuppers, where it still lay at the time of which I speak, floundering about with the furious lurches of the brig. Having arranged our plan, we set about putting it in execution as speedily as possible. Peters went upon deck, and, as he had anticipated, was immediately accosted by Allen, who appeared to be stationed more as a watch upon the forecastle than for any other purpose. The fate of this villain, however, was speedily and silently decided ; for Peters, approaching him in a careless manner, as if about to address him, seized him by the throat, and, before he could utter a single cry, tossed him over the bulwarks. He then called to us, and we came up. Our first precaution waa to look about for something with which to arm ourselves, and in doing this we had to proceed with great care, for it was impossi- ble to stand on deck an instant without holding fast, and violent seas broke over the vessel at every plunge forward. It was in- dispensable, too, that we should be quick in our operations, for every minute we expected the mate to be up to set the pumps going, as it was evident the brig must be taking in water very A. GORDON PYM. 73 fast. After searching about for somo time, we could find nothing more fit for our purpose than the two pump-handles, one of which Augustus took, and I the other. Having secured these, we stripped off the shirt of the corpse and dropped the body over- board. Peters and myself then went below, leaving Augustus to watch upon deck, where he took his station just where Allen had been placed, and with his back to the cabin companion-way, so that, if any one of the mate's gang should come up, he might suppose it was the watch. As soon as I got below I commenced disguising myself so as to represent the corpse of Rogers. The shirt which we had taken from the body aided us very much, for it was of singular form and character, and easily recognizable a kind of smock, which the deceased wore over his other clothing. It was a blue stockinett, with large white stripes running across. Having put this on, I proceeded to equip myself with a false stomach, in im- itation of the horrible deformity of the swollen corpse. This was soon effected by means of stuffing with some bedclothes. I then gave the same appearance to my hands by drawing on a pair of white woollen mittens, and filling them in with any kind of rags that offered themselves. Peters then arranged my face, first rubbing it well over with white chalk, and afterwards splotching it with blood, which he took from a cut in his finger. The streak across the eye was not forgotten, and presented a most shocking ap- pearance. CHAPTEPv VIII. As I viewed myself in a fragment of looking-glass which hung up in the cabin, and by the dim light of a kind of battle-lantern, I was so impressed with a sense of vague awe at my appearance, and at the recollection of the terrific reality which I was thus representing, that I was seized with a violent tremor, and could scarcely summon resolution to go on with my part. It was ne- cessary, however, to act with decision, and Peters and myself went upon deck. 74 NARRATIVE OF "We there found everything safe, and, keeping close to flic bul- warks, the three of us crept to the cabin companion-way. It was Only partially closed, precautions having been taken to prevent its being suddenly pushed to from without, by means of placing billets of wood on the upper step so as to interfere with the shutting. We found no difficulty in getting a full view of the interior of the cabin through the cracks where the hinges were placed. It now proved to have been very fortunate for us that we had not attempted to take them by surprise, for they were evidently on the alert. Only .one was asleep, and he lying just at the foot of the companion-ladder, with a musket by his side. The rest were seated on several mattresses, which had been taken from the berths and thrown on the floor. They were engaged in earnest conversation ; and although they had been carousing, as appeared from two empty jugs, with some tin tum- blers which lay about, they were not as much intoxicated as usual. All had knives, one or two of them pistols, and a great many muskets were lying in a berth close at hand. We listened to their conversation for some time before we could make up our minds how to act, having as yet resolved on nothing determinate, except that we would attempt to paralyze their exertions, when we should attack them, by means of the apparition of Rogers. They were discussing their piratical plans, in which all we could hear distinctly was, that they would unite with the crew of a schooner Hornet, and, if possible, get the schooner herself into their possession preparatory to some attempt on a large scale, the particulars of which could not be made out by either of us. One of the men spoke of Peters, when the mate replied to him in a low voice which could not be distinguished, and afterward added more loudly, that " he could not understand his being so much forward with the captain's brat in the forecastle, and he thought thf sooner both of them were overboard the better." To this no answer was made, but we could easily perceive that the hint was well received by the whole party, and more particularly by Jones. At this period I was excessively agitated, the more so as I could see that neither Augustus nor Peters could deter- mine how to act. I made up my mind, however, to sail my life A. GORDON PYM. 75 as dearly as possible, and not to suffer myself to be overcome by any feelings ot trepidation. The tremendous noise made by the roaring of the wind in the rigging, and the washing of the sea over the deck, prevented us from hearing what was said, except during momentary lulls. In one of these, we all distinctly heard the mate tell one of the men to " go forward, and order the d d lubbers to come into the cabin, where he could have an eye upon them, for he wanted no such secret doings on board the brig." It was well for us that the pitching of the vessel at this moment was so violent as to prevent this order from being carried into instant execution. The cook got up from his mattress to go for us, when a tremen- dous lurch, which I thought would cany away the masts, threw him headlong against one of the larboard state-room doors, burst- ing it open, and creating a good deal of other confusion. Luck- ily, neither of our party was thrown from his position, and we had time to make a precipitate retreat to the forecastle, and ar- range a hurried plan of action before the messenger made his appearance, or rather before he put his head out of the ccinpa- nion-hatch, for he did not come on deck. From this station he could not notice the absence of Allen, and he accordingly Uivvled out, as if to him, repeating the orders of the mate. Peteis cried out, "Ay, ay," in a disguised voice, and the cook immediately went below, without entertaining a suspicion that all wns not right. My two companions now proceeded boldly aft and down into the cabin, Peters closing the door after him in the same manner he had found it. The mate received thera with feigned cordial- ity, and told Augustus that, since he bad behaved himself so well of late, he might take up his quarters in the cabin, and be one of them for the future. He then poured him out a tumbler balf full of rum, and made him drink it. All this I saw and h ard, for I followed my friends to the cabin as soon as the dooi was phut, and took up my old point of observation. I had brought with me the two pump-handles, one of which I secured neur the companion-way, to be ready for use when required. I now steadied myself as well as possible so as to have a good view of all that was passing within, and endeavored to nerve yg NARRATIVE OF myself to the task of descending among the mutineers when TV. ters should make a signal to me, as agreed upon. Presently he contrived to turn the conversation upon the bloody deeds of the mutiny, and, by degrees, led the men to talk of the thousand superstitions which are so universally current among seamen I could not make out all that was said, but I could plainly see the effects of the conversation in the countenances of those pre- sent. The mate was evidently much agitated, and presently, when some one mentioned the terrific appearance of Eogers's corpse, I thought he was upon the point of swooning. Peters now asked him if he did not think it would be better to have the body thrown overboard at once, as it was too horrible a sight to see it floundering about in the scuppers. At this the villain absolutely gasped for breath, and turned his head slowly round upon his companions, as if imploring some one to go up and per- form the task. No one, however, stirred, and it was quite evi- dent that the whole party were wound up to the highest pitch of nervous excitement. Peters now made me the signal. I immediately threw open the door of the companion-way, and, descending, without uttering a syllable, stood erect in the midst of the party. The intense effect produced by this sudden apparition is not at all to be wondered at when the various circumstances are taken into consideration. Usually, in case* of a similar nature> there is left in the mind of the spectator some glimmering oi doubt as to the reality of the vision before his eyes ; a degree of hope, however feeble, that he is the victim of chicanery, and that the apparition is not actually a visitant from the world of shadows. It is not too much to say that such remnants of doubl have been at the bottom of almost every such visitation, and that the appalling horror which has sometimes been brought about, is to be attributed, even in the cases .most in point, and where most suffering has been experienced, more to a kind of anticipa- tive horror, lest the apparition might possibly be real, than to an unwavering belief in its reality. But, in the present instance, it vill be seen immediately, that in the minds of the mutineer* there was not even the shadow of a basis upon which to rest a doubt that the apparition of Rogers was indeed a revivification A. GORDON PYM 77 tf LIs disgusting corpse, or at least its spiritual imno'e. The isolated situation of the brig, with its entire inaccessibility on account of the gale, confined the apparently possible means of deception within such narrow and definite limits, that they must have thought themselves enabled to survey them all at a glance. They had now been at sea twenty-four days, without holding more than a speaking communication with any vessel whatever. The whole of the crew, too at least all whom they had the most remote reason for suspecting to be on board were assembled in the cabin, with the exception of Allen, the watch; and his gigan- tic stature (he was six feet six inches high) was too familiar in their eyes to permit the notion that he was the apparition before them to enter their minds even for an instant. Add to these considerations the awe-inspiring nature of the tempest, and that of the conversation brought about by Peters ; the deep impres- sion which the loathsomeness of the actual corpse had made in the morning upon the imaginations of the men ; the excellence of the imitation in my person, and the uncertain and wavering light in which they beheld me, as the glare of the cabin lantern, swinging violently to and fro, fell dubiously and fitfully upon my figure, and there will be no reason to wonder that the deception had even more than the entire effect which we had anticipated. The mate sprang up from the mattress on which he was lying, and, without uttering a syllable, fell back, stone dead, upon the cabin floor, and was hurled to the leeward like a log by a heavy roll of the brig. Of the remaining seven, there were but three who had at first any degree of presence of mind. The four olhers sat for some time rooted apparently to the floor the most pitiable objects of horror and utter despair my eyes ever en- countered. The only opposition we experienced at all was from the cook, John Hunt, and Richard Parker; but they made but a feeble and irresolute defence. The two former were ehot in- stantly by Peters, and I felled Parker with a blow on the head from the pump-handle which I had brought with me. In the mean time, Augustus seized one of the muskets lying on tha floor, and shot another mutineer ( Wilson) through the breast. There were now but three remaining; but by this tirn tlM'y had become aroused from their lethargy, and perhaps bo- 78 NARRATIVE OF gan to see that a deception had been practised upon them, for they fought with great resolution and fury, and, but for the immense muscular strength of Peters, might have ultimately got the better of us. These three men were Jones, Gree ly, and Absalom Hicks. Jones had thrown Augustus on the floor, stabbed him in several places along the right arm, and would no doubt have soon dispatched him (as neither Peters nor myself could immediately gat rid of our own antagonists), had it not been for the timely aid of a friend, upon whose assist- ance we, surely, had never depended. This friend was no other than Tiger. With a low growl, he bounded into the cabin, at a most critical moment for Augustus, and, throwing himself upon Jones, pinned him to the floor in an instant. My friend, how- ever, was now too much injured to render us any aid whatever, and I was so encumbered with my disguise that I could do but little. The dog would not leave his hold upon the throat of Jones Peters, nevertheless, was fai more than a match for the two men who remained, and would, no doubt, have dispatched them sooner, had it not been for the narrow space in which he had to act, and the tremendous lurches of the vessel. Presently he was enabled to get hold of a heavy stool, several of which lay about the floor. AVith this he beat out the brains of Greely as he was in the act of discharging a musket at me, and imme- diately afterward a roll of the brig throwing him in contact \rith Hicks, he seized him by the throat, and, by dint of sheer strength, strangled him instantaneously. Thus, in far less time than I have taken to tell it, we found ourselves masters of the brig. The only person of our opponents who was left alive was Richard Parker. This man, it will be remembered, I had knocked down with a blow from the pump-handle at the com- mencement of the attack. He now lay motionless by the door of the shattered state-room; but, upon Peter? touching him with his foot, he spoke, and entreated for mercy. His head was only slightly cut, and otherwise he had received no injury, having been merely stunned by the blow. He now got up, and, for the pre- sent, we secured his hands behind his back. The dog was stiL growling over Jones ; but, upon examination, we found him com- pletely dead, the blood issuing in a stream from a deep vvouud \. GORDON PYM. 79 in the throat, inflicted, no doubt, by the sharp teeth of the ani- mal. It was now about one o'clock in the morning, and the wind was still blowing tiemendously. The brig evidently labored much more than irsual, and it became absolutely necessary that something should be done with a view of easing her in some measure. At almost every roll to leeward she shipped a sea, several of which came partially down into the cabin during our scuffle, the hatchway having been left open by myself when I descended. The entire range of bulwarks to larboard had been swept away, as well as the caboose, together with the jollyboat from the counter. The creaking and working of the mainmast, too, gave indication that it was nearly sprung. To make room for more stowage in the after hold, the heel of this mast had been stepped between decks (a very reprehensible practice, occa- sionally resorted to by ignorant ship-builders), so th.it it was in imminent danger of working from its step. But, to crown all our difficulties, we plummed the well, and found no less than seven feet water. Leaving the bodies of the crew lying in the cabin, we got to work immediately at the pumps Parker, of course, being set at liberty to assist us in the labor. Augustus's arm was bound up as well as we could effect it, and he did what he could, but that was not much. However, we found that we could just manage to keep the leak from gaining upon us by having one pump con- stantly going. As there were only four of us, this was severe labor ; but we endeavored to keep up our spirits, and looked anxiously for daybreak, when we hoped to lighten the brig by cutting away the mainmast. In this manner we passed a night of terrible anxiety and fatigue, and., when the day at length broke, the gale had neither abated in the least, nor were there any signs of its abating. We now dragged the bodies on deck and threw them overboard. Our next care was to get rid of the mainmast. The necessary preparations having been made, Peters cut away at the masi (having found axes in the cabin), while the rest of us stood by the stays and lanyards. As the brig gave a tremendous lee-lurch, the word was given to cut away the weather-lanyards, vjhicli 80 NARRATIVE OF being done, the wholj mass of wood and rigging plunged into the Bea, clear of the brig, and without doing any material injury We now found that the vessel did not labor quite as much as before, but our situation was still exceedingly precarious, and, in spite of the utmost exertions, we could not gain upon the leak without the aid of both pumps. The little assistance which Au- gustus could render us was not really of any importance. To add to our distress, a heavy sea, striking the brig to windward, threw her off several points from the wind, and, before she could regain her position, another broke completely over her, and hurled her full upon her beam-ends. The ballast now shifted in a mass to leeward (the stowage had been knocking about per fectly at random for some time), and for a few moments we thought nothing could save us from capsizing. Presently, how- ever, we partially righted ; but the ballast still retaining its place to larboard, we lay so much along that it was useless to think of working the pumps, which indeed we could not have done much longer in any case, as our hands were entirely raw with the excessive labor we had undergone, and were bleeding in the most horrible manner. Contrary to Parker's advice, we now proceeded to cut away the foremast, and at length accomplished it after much difficulty, owing to the position in which we lay. In going overboard the wreck took with it the bowsprit, and left us a complete hulk. So far we had had reason to rejoice in the escape of our longboat, which had received no damage from any of the huge seas which had come on board. But we had not long to congratulate our- selves ; for the foremast having gone, and, of course, the fore- sail with it, by which the brig had been steadied, every sea now made a complete breach over us, and in five minutes our deck was swept from stem to stern, the longboat and starboard bul- warks torn off, and even the windlass shattered into fragments. It was, indeed, hardly possible for us to be in a more pitiablo condition. At noon there seemed to be some slight appearance of the gale's abating, but in this we were sadly disappointed, for it only lulled foi ii few minutes to blow with redoubled fury. About four in the afternoon it was utterly impossible to stand up against the vio- A. GORDON PYM. 81 h'nce of the blast ; and, as the night clored in upon us, I had not a shadow of hope that the vessel would hold together until morning By midnight we had settled very deep in the water, which was now up to the orlop deck. The rudder went soon afterward, the sea which tore it away lifting the after portion of the brig entirely from the water, against which she thumped in her de- scent with such a concussion as would be occasioned by going ashore. We had all calculated that the rudder would hold its own to the last, as it was unusually strong, being rigged as I have never seen one rigged either before or since. Down its main timber there ran a succession of stout iron hooks, and others in the same manner down the stern-post. Through these hooks there extended a very thick wrought-iron rod, the rudder being thus held to the stern-post, and swinging freely on the rod. The tremendous force of the sea which tore it off may be estimated by the fact, that the hooks in the stern-post, which ran entirely throught it, being clinched on the inside, were drawn every one of them completely out of the solid wood. We had scarcely time to draw breath after the violence of this shock, when one of the most tremendous waves I had then ever known broke right ou ooard of us, sweeping the companion-way clear off, bursting ir ,he hatchways, and filling every inch of the vessel with water CHAPTER IX. LUCKILY, just before night, all four of us had lashed ourselves firmly to the fragments of the windlass, lying in this manner aa Hat upon the deck, as possible. This precaution alone saved us from destruction. As it was, we were all more or less stunned by the immense weight of water which tumbled upon us, and which did not roll from above us until we were nearly exhaust- ed. As soon as I could recover breath, I called aloud to my companions. Augustus aione replied, saying, "It is all over with us, and may God have mercy upon our souls." By-and-by both the others were enabled to speak, when they exhorted us to 82 NARRATIVE OF take courage, as there was still hope ; it being impossible, from the nature of the cargo, that the brig could go down, and there being every chance that the gale would blow over by the morn- ing. These words inspired me with new life ; for, strange as it may seem, although it was obvious that a vessel with a cargo of empty oil-casks would not sink, I had been hitherto so confused in mind as to have overlooked this consideration altogether ; and the danger which I had for some time regarded as the most im- minent was that of foundering. As hope revived within me, I made use of every opportunity to strengthen the lashings which held me to the remains of the windlass, and in this occupation I soon discovered that my companions weve also busy. The night was as dark as it could possibly be, and the horrible shrieking din and confusion which surrounded us it is useless to attempt de- scribing. Our deck lay level with the sea, or rather we were encircled with a towering ridge of foam, a portion of which swept over us every instant. It is not too much to say that our heads w*;re not fairly out of water more than one second in three. Although we lay close together, no one of us could see the other, or, indeed, any portion of the brig itself, upon which we were so tempestuously hurled about. At intervals we called one to the other, thus endeavoring to keep alive hope, and render consola- tion and encouragement to such of us as stood most in need of it. The feeble condition of Augustus made him an object of solici- tude with us all ; and as, from the lacerated condition of his right arm, it must have been impossible for him to secure his lashings with any degree of firmness, we were in momentary ex- pectation of finding that he had gone overboard yet to render him aid was a thing altogether out of the question. Fortunately, his station was more secure than that of any of the rest of us ; for the upper part of his body lying just beneath a portion of the shattered windlass, the seas, as they tumbled in upon him, were greatly broken in their violence. In any other situation than this (into which he had been accidentally thrown after having lashed himself in a very exposed spot) he must inevitably have perished before morning. Owing to the brig's lying so much along, we were all less liable to be washed off than otherwise would have been the case.* The heel, as I have before stated. A. GORDON PYM. 83 was to larboard, about one half of the deck being constantly under water. The seas, therefore, which struck us to starboard were much broken by the vessel's side, only reaching us in fragments as we lay flat on our faces ; while those which came from larboard, being what are called back-water seas, and obtaining little hold upon us on account of our posture, had not sufficient force to drag us from our fastenings. In this frightful situation we lay until the day broke so as to show us more fully the horrors which surrounded us. The brig was a mere log, rolling about at the mercy of every wave ; the gale was upon the increase, if anything, blowing indeed a com- plete hurricane, and there appeared to us no earthly prospect of deliverance. For several hours we held on in silence, expecting every moment that our lashings would either give way, that the remains of the windlass would go by the board, or that some of the huge seas, which roared in every direction around us and above us, would drive the hulk so far beneath the water that we should be drowned before it could regain the surface. By the mercy of God, however, we were preserved from these imminent dangers, and about midday were cheered by the light of the. blessed sun. Shortly afterward we could perceive a sensible diminution in the force of the wind, when, now for the first time since the latter part of the evening before, Augustus spoke, ask- ing Peters, who lay closest to him, if he thought there was any possibility of our being saved. As no reply was at first made to this question, we all concluded that the hybrid had been drowned where he lay ; but presently, to our great joy, he spoke, although very feebly, saying that he was in great pain, being so cut by the tightness of his lashings across the stomach, that he must either find means of loosening them or perish, as it was impossible that he could endure his misery much longer. This occasioned us great distress, as it was altogether useless to think of aiding him in any manner while the sea continued washing over us as it did. We exhorted him to bear his sufferings with fortitude, and prom- ised to seize the first opportunity which should offer itself to relieve him. He replied that it would soon be too late ; that it would be all over with him before we could help him ; and then, 84 NARRATIVE OF after moaning for some minutes, lay silent, when we com luded that he had perished. As the evening drew on, the sea had fallen so much that scarcely more than one wave broke over the hulk from windward in the course of five minutes, and the wind had abated a great deal, although still blowing a severe gale. I had not heard any of my companions speak for hours, and now called to Augustus. He replied, although very feebly, so that 1 could not distinguish what he said. 1 then spoke to Peters and to Parker, neither of whom returned any answer. Shortly after this period I fell into a state of partial insensi bility, during which the most pleasing images floated in my ima- gination ; such as green trees, waving meadows of ripe grain, processions of dancing girls, troops of cavalry, and other phan- tasies. I now remember that, in all which passed before my mind's eye, motion was a predominant idea. Thus, I never fan- cied any stationary object, such as a house, a mountain, or any- thing of that kind ; but windmills, ships, large birds, ballooRs, people on horseback, carriages driving furiously, and similar moving objects, presented themselves in endless succession. When I recovered from this state, the sun was, as near as I could guess, an hour high. I had the greatest difficulty in bring- ing to recollection the various circumstances connected with my situation, and for some time remained firmly convinced that I was still in the hold of the brig, near the box, and that the body of Parker was that of Tiger. When I at length completely came to my senses, I found that the wind blew no more than a moderate breeze, and that the sea was comparatively calm ; so much so that it only washed over the brig amidships. My left arm had broken loose from its lashings, and was much cut about the elbow ; my right was en- tirely benumbed, and the hand and wrist swollen prodigiously by the pressure of the rope, which had worked from the shoulder downward. I was also in great pain from another rope which went about my waist, and had been drawn to an insufferable de- gree of tightness. Looking round upon my companions, I saw that Peters still lived, although a thick line was pulled so forci- bly around his loin< as to give him the appearance of being tut A GORDON HYM 85 nearly in two , as I stirred, he made a feeble motion to me with his hand, pointing to the rope. Augustus gave no indication of life whatever, and was bent nearly double across a splinter of the windlass. Parker spoke to me when he saw me moving, and asked me if I had not sufficient strength to release him from his situation, saying, that if I would summon up what spirits I could, and contrive to untie him, we might yet save our lives ; but that otherwise we must all perish. I told him to take courage, and I would endeavor to free him. Feeling in my pantaloon's pocket, I got hold of my penknife, and, after several ineffectual attempts, at length succeeded in opening it. I then, Avith my left hand, managed to free my right from its fastenings, and after- ward cut the other ropes which held me. Upon attempting, how ever, to move from my position, I found that my legs failed me altogether, and that I could not get up ; neither could I move my right arm in any direction. Upon mentioning this to Parker, he advised me to lie quiet for a few minutes, holding on to the windlass with my left hand, so as to allow time for the blood to circulate. Doing this, the numbness presently began to die away, so that I could move first one of my legs, and then the other, and, shortly afterward, I regained the partial use of my right arm. I now crawled with great caution towards Parker, without getting on my legs, and soon cut loose all the lashings about him, wben, after a short delay, he also recovered the partial use. of his limbs. We now lost no time in getting loose the rope from Peters. It had cut a deep gash through the waistband of his woollen pantaloons, aud through two shirts, and made its way into his groin, from which the blood flowed out copiously as we removed the cordage. No sooner had we removed it, however, than he spoke, and seemed to experience instant relief being able to move with much greater ease than either Parker or myself this was no doubt owing to the discharge ol blood. We had little hope that Augustus would recover, as h evinced no signs of life ; but, upon getting to him, we discovered that he had merely swooned from loss of blood, the bandages we had placed around his wounded arm having been torn off by the water; none of the ropes which held him to the windlass were 86 NARRATIVE OF drawn sufficiently tight to occasion his death. Having relieved him from the fastenings, and got him clear of the broken wood about the windlass, we secured him in a dry place to windward, with his head somewhat lower than his body, and all three of us busied ourselves in chafing his limbs. In about half an hour he came to himself, although it was not until the next morning that he gave signs of recognizing any of us, or had sufficient strength to speak. By the time we had thus got clear of our lashings it was quite dark, and it began to cloud up, so that we were again in the greatest agony lest it should come on to blow hard, in which event nothing could have saved us from perishing, exhausted as we were. By good fortune it continued very mo- derate during the night, the sea subsiding every minute, which gave us great hopes of ultimate preservation. A gentle breeze still blew from the N. W., but the weather was not at all cold. Augustus was lashed carefully to windward in such a manner as to prevent him from slipping overboard with the rolls of the vessel, as he was still too weak to hold on at all. For ourselves there was no such necessity. We sat close together, supporting each other with the aid of the broken ropes about the windlass, and devising methods of escape from our frightful situation. We derived much comfort from taking off our clothes and wring ing the water from them. When we put them on after this, they felt remarkably warm and pleasant, and served to invigorate us in no little degree. We helped Augustus off with his, and wrung them for him, when he experienced the same comfort. Our chief sufferings were now those of hunger and thirst, and, when we looked forward to the means of relief in this respect, our hearts sunk within us, and we were induced to regiet that we had escaped the less dreadful perils of the sea. We endea- vored, however, to console ourselves with the hope of being speedily picked up by some vessel, and encouraged each other to bear with fortitude the evils that might happen. The morning of the fourteenth at length dawned, ana the weather still continued clear and pleasant, with a steady but very Light breeze from the N. W. The sea was now quite smooth, and as, from some cause which vfe could not determine, the brig did not lie so much along as she had done before, the deck waa A. GORDON PVM. 87 comparatively dry, and we could move about with freedom We had now been better than three entire days and nights without either food or drink, and it became absolutely necessary that we should make an attempt to get up something from below. As the brig was completely full of water, we went to this work des- pondingly, and with but little expectation of being able to obtain anything. We made a kind of drag by driving some nails which we broke out from the remains of the companion-hatch into two pieces of wood. Tying these across each other, and fastening them to the end of a rope, we threw them into the cabin, and dragged them to and fro, in the faint hope of being thus able to entangle some article which might be of use to us for food, or which might at least render us assistance in getting it. We spent the greater part of the morning in this labor without effect, fishing up nothing more than a few bedclothes, which were read- ily caught by the nails. Indeed, our contrivance was so very clumsy, that any greater success was hardly to be anticipated. We now tried the forecastle, but equally in vain, and were upon the brink of despair, when Peters proposed that we should fasten a rope to his body, and let him make an attempt to get up something by diving into the cabin. This proposition we hailed with all the delight which reviving hope could inspire. He pro- ceeded immediately to strip off his clothes with the exception of his pantaloons; and a strong rope was then carefully fastened around his middle, being brought up over his shoulders in such a manner that there was no possibility of its slipping. The under- taking was one of great difficulty and danger; for, as we could hardly expect to find much, if any provision in the cabin itself, it was necessary that the diver, after letting himself down, should make a turn to the right, and proceed under water a distance of ten or twelve feet, in a narrow passage, to the storeroom, and return, without drawing breath. Everything being ready, Peters now descended into the cabin, going down the companion-ladder until the water reached his chin. He then plunged in, head first, turning to the right as he plunged, and endeavoring to make his way to the storeroom. In this first attempt, however, he was altogether unsuccessful. In less than half a minute after his going down we felt the rope 88 NARRATIVE OF jerked violently (the signal we had agreed upon when he desired to be t bursting from my bosom, I advanced to the region of the forecastle, where my companions were awaiting me. I held out my hand with the splinters, and Peters immediately drew. He was free his. at least, was not the shortest; and there was now another chance against my escape. I summoned up all my strength, and passed the lots to Augustus. He also drew imme- diately, and he also was free; and now, whether I should live or Ik.-, the chances were no more than precisely even. At this mo- ment all the fierceness of the tiger possessed my bosom, and I felt toward? my poor fellow-creature. Parker, the most intense, 104 NARRATIVE OF the most diabolical hatred. But the fueling did not la^t ; and, at length, with a convulsive shudder and closed eyes, 1 held out the two remaining splinters towards him. It was full five minutes before he could summon resolution to draw, during which period of heart-rending suspense I never once opened my eyes. Pres- entlv one of the two lots was quickly drawn from my hand. The decision was then over, yet I knew not whether it was for me or norainst me. No one spoke, and still I dared not satisfy myself by looking at the splinter I held. Peters at length took me by the hand, and I forced myself to look up, when I immediately saw by the countenance of Parker that I was safe, and that he it was who had been doomed to suffer. Gasping for breath, I fell senseless to the deck. I recovered from my swoon in time to behold the consumma- tion of the tragedy in the death of him who had been chiefly instrumental in bringing it about. He made no resistance what- ever, and was stabbed in the back by Peters, when he fell instantly dead. I must not dwell upon the fearful repast which immediately ensued. Such things may be imagined, but words have no power to impress the mind with the exquisite horror of their reality. Let it suffice to say that, having in some measure appeased the raging thirst which consumed us by the blood of the victim, and having by common consent taken off the hands, feet and head, throwing them together with the entrails, into the sea, we devoured the rest of the body, piecemeal, during the four ever memorable days of the seventeenth, eighteenth, nineteenth, and twentieth of the month. On the nineteenth, there coming on a smart shower which lasted fifteen or twenty minutes, we contrived to catch soma water by means of a sheet which had been fished up from the cabin by our drag just after the gale. The quantity we took in all did not amount to more than half a gallon; but even this i-eanty allowance supplied us with comparative strength and hope. On the twenty-first we were again reduced to the last neces- sity. The weather still remained warm and pleasant, with occasional fogs and light breezes, most usually from N. to W. On the twenty-second, as we were sitting close huddled A. GORDON PYM. 105 together, gloomily revolving over our lamentabk condition, therti flashed through my mind all at once an idea which inspired m with a bright gleam of hope. I remembered that, when the foremast had been cut away, Peters, being in the windward chains, passed one of the axes into my hand, requesting me to put it, if possible, in a place of security, and that a few minutes before the last heavy sea struck the brig and filled her I had taken this axe into the forecastle and laid it in one of the lar- board berths. I now thought it possible that, by getting at this axe, we might cut through the deck over the store-room, and thus readily supply ourselves with provisions. When I communicated this project to my companions, they uttered a feeble shout of joy, and we all proceeded forthwith to the forecastle. The difficulty of descending here was greater than that of going down in the cabin, the opening being much smaller, for it will be remembered that the whole framework about the cabin companion-hatch had been carried away, where- as the forecastle-way, being a simple hatch of only about three feet square, had remained uninjured. I did not hesitate, how- ever, to attempt the descent ; and, a rope being fastened round my body as before, I plunged boldly in, feet foremost, made my way quickly to the berth, and, at the very first attempt, brought up the axe. It was hailed with the most ecstatic joy and triumph, and the ease with which it had been obtained was regarded as an omen of our ultimate preservation. We now commenced cutting at the deck with all the energy of rekindled hope, Peters and myself taking the axe by turn?, Augustus's wounded arm not permitting him to aid us in any degree. As we were still so feeble as to be scarce!) able to stand unsupported, and could consequently work but a minute or two without resting, it soon became evident that many long hours would be requisite to accomplish our task that is, to cut an opening sufficiently large to admit of a free access to the store- room. This consideration, however, did not discourage us ; and, working all night by the light of the moon, we succeeded in effecting our purpose by daybreak on the morning of the twenty- third. Peters now volunteered to gra down ; and, having made all 106 NARRATIVE OF arrangements as before, he descended, and soon returned, bring- ing up with him a small jar, which, to our great joy, proved to be full of olives. Having shared these among us, and devoured them with the greatest avidity, we proceeded to let him down again. This time he succeeded beyond our utmost expectations, returning instantly with a large ham and a bottle of Madeira wine. Of the latter we each took a moderate sup, having learned by experience the pernicious consequences of indulging too freely. The ham, except about two pounds near the bone, was not in a condition to be eaten, having been entirely spoiled by the salt water. The sound part was divided among us. Peters and Augustus, not being able to restrain their appetite, swallowed theirs upon the instant ; but I was more cautious, and ate but a small portion of mine, dreading the thirst which I knew would ensue. We now rested a while from our labors, which had been intolerably severe. By noon, feeling somewhat strengthened- and refreshed, we again renewed our attempt at getting up provision, Peters and myself going down alternately, and always with more or less success, until sundown. During this interval we had the good fortune to bring up, altogether, four more small jar of olives, another ham, a carboy containing nearly three gallons of excel- lent Cape Madeira wine, and, what gave us still more deligat, a small tortoise of the Gallipago breed, several of which had been taken on board by Captain Barnard, as the Grampus was leaving port, from the schooner Mary Pitts, just returned from a sealing voyage in the Pacific. In a subsequent portion of this narrative I shall have fre- quent occasion to mention this species of tortoise. It is found principally, as most of my readers may know, in the group of islands called the Gallipagos which, indeed, derive their name from the animal the Spanish word Gallipago meaning a fresh- water terapin. From the peculiarity of their shape and action they have been sometimes called the elephant tortoise. They are frequently found of an enormous size. I have myself seen several which would weigh from twelve to fifteen hundred pounds, although I do not remember that any navigator speaks of having them weighing mor u than eight hundred. Their appearance A. GORUUN PVAI. 1J7 is singular, and even disgusting, Their steps are very slow, ui<-a-ured, and heavy, their bodies being carried about a foot from the ground. Their neck is long, and exceedingly slender ; from eighteen inches to two feet is a very common length, and I killed one, where the distance from the shoulder to the extremity of the head was no less than three feet ten inches. The head has a striking resemblance to that of a serpent. They can exist with- out food for an almost incredible length of time, instances having been known where they have been thrown into the hold of a vessel and lain two years without nourishment of any kind being as fat, and, in every respect, in as good order at the expi- ration of the time as when they were first put in. In one par- ticular these extraordinary animals bear a resemblance to the dromedary, or camel of the desert. In a bag at the root of the neck they carry with them a constant supply of water. In some instances, upon killing them after a full year's deprivation of all nourishment, as much as three gallons of perfectly sweet and iresh water have been found in their bags. Their food is chiefly wild parsley and celery, with purslain, sea-kelp, and prickly-pears, u'|xm which latter vegetable they thrive wonderfully, a great quantity of it being usually found on the hill-sides near the shore wherever the animal itself is discovered. They are excellent and highly nutritious food, and have, no doubt, been the means aC preserving the lives of thousands of seamen employed in the whale-fishery and other pursuits in the Pacific. The one which we had the good fortune to bring up from the storeroom was not of a large size, weighing probably sixty-five or seventy pounds. It was a female, and in excellent condition, being exceedingly fat, and having more than a quart of limpid and sweet water in its bag. This was indeed a treasure ; and, falling on our knees with one accord, we returned fervent thanks to God for so seasonable a relief. VT had great difficulty in getting the animal up through the opening, as it~ struggles were fierce and its strength prodigious. It was upon the point of making its escape from Peter's grasp, and slipping back into the water, when Augustus, throwing a rope with a slip-knot around its throat, held it up in this manner until 108 NARRATIVE OF I jumped into the hole by the side of Peters, and assisted him in lifting it out. The water we drew carefully from the bag into the jug, which, it will be remembered, had been brought up before from the cabin. Having done this, we broke off the neck of a bottle so as to form, with the cork, a kind of glass, holding not quite half a g.ll. We then each drank one of these measures full, and re- solved to limit ourselves to this quantity per day as long as it should hold out. During the last two or three days, the weather having been dry and pleasant, the bedding we had obtained from the cabin, as well as our clothing, had become thoroughly dry, so that we passed this night (that of the twenty-third) in comparative com- fort, enjoying a tranquil repose, after having supped plentifully on olives and ham, with a small allowance of the wine. Being afraid of losing some of our stores overboard during the night, in the event of a breeze springing up, we secured them as well as possible with cordage to the fragments of the windlass. Our tortoise, which we were anxious to preserve alive as long as we ( could, we threw on his back, and otherwise carefully fastened CHAPTER XIII. JULY 24. This morning saw us wonderfully recruited in spirits and strength. Notwithstanding the perilous situation in which we were still placed, ignorant of our position, although certainly at a great distance from land, without more food than would last us for a fortnight even with great care, almost entirely without water, and floating about at the mercy of every wind and wave on the merest wreck in the world, still the infinitely more terrible distresses and dangers from which we had so lately and so provi- dentially been delivered caused us to regard what we now endured as but. little more than an ordinary evil so strictly comparative is either good or ill. At sunrise we were preparing to renew our attempts at getting A. GORDON PYM. 109 up something from the store-room, when, a smart slower coming on. with some lightning, we turned our attention to the catching of water by means of the sheet we had used before for this purpose. We had no other means of collecting the rain than by holding the sheet spread out with one of the forechain-plates in the middle of it. The water, thus conducted to the centre, was drained through in to our jug. We had nearly filled it in this manner, when, a heavy squall coming on from the northward, obliged us to de- sist, as the hulk began once more to roll so violently that we could no longer keep our feet. We now went forward, and, lashing ourselves securely to the remnant of the windlass as be- fore, awaited the event with far more calmness than could have been anticipated or would have been imagined possible under the circumstances. At noon the wind had freshened into a two- reef breeze, and by night into a stiff gale, accompanied with a tremendously heavy swell. Experience having taught us, however, the best method of arranging our lashings, we weathered this dreary night in tolerable security, although thoroughly drenched at almost every instant by the sea, and in momentary dread of being washed off. Fortunately, the weather was so warm as to render the water rather grateful than otherwise. July 25. This morning the gale had diminished to a mere ten-knot breeze, and the sea had gone down with it so consider- ably that we were able to keep ourselves dry upon the deck. To our great grief, however, we found that two jars of our olives, as well as the whole of our ham, had been washed overboard, in spite of the careful manner in which they had been fastened. We determined not to kill the tortoise as yet, and contented ourselves for the present with a breakfast on a few of the olives, and a measure of water each, which latter we mixed, half and half, with wine, finding great relief and strength from the mixture, without the distressing intoxication which had ensued upon drinking the Port. The sea was still far too rough for the re- newal of our efforts at getting up provision from the store-room. Several articles, of no importance to us in our present situation, floated up through the opening during the day, and were imme- diately washed overboard. We also now obs rved that the hulk lay more along than 'ever, so that we could not stand an ins'.aut 110 NARRATIVE OF ' without lashing ourselves. On this account we passed a gloomy and uncomfortable day. At noon the sun appeared to be nearly vertical, and we had no doubt that we had been driven down by the long succession of northward and northwesterly winds into the near vicinity of the equator. Towards evening saw several sharks, and were somewhat alarmed by the audacious manner in which an enormously large one approached us. At one time, a lurch throwing the deck very far beneath the water, the monster actually swam in upon us, floundering for some moments just over the companion-hatch, and striking Peters violently with his tail. A heavy sea at length hurled him overboard, much to our relief. In moderate weather we might have easily captured him. July 26. This morning, the wind having greatly abated, and the sea not being very rough, we determined to renew our exer- tions in the store-room. After a great deal of hard labor during the whole day, we found that nothing further was to be expected from this quarter, the partitions of the room having been stove during the night, and its contents swept into the hold. This dis- covery, as may be supposed, filled us with despair. July 27. The sea nearly smooth, with a light wind, and still from the northward and westward. The sun coming out hotly in the afternoon, we occupied ourselves in drying our clothes. Found great relief from thirst, and much comfort otherwise, by bathing in the sea ; in this, however, we were forced to use great caution, being afraid of sharks, several of which were seen swim- ming around the brig during the day. July 28. Good weather still. The brig now began to lie along so alarmingly that we feared she would eventually roll bottom up. Prepared ourselves as well as we could for this emergency, lashing our tortoise, water-jug, and two remaining jars of olives as far as possible over to the windward, placing them outside the hull, below the main-chains. The sea very smooth ?.U day, with little or no wind. July 29. A continuance of the same weather. Augustus's wounded arm began to evince symptoms of mortification. He complained of drowsiness and excessive thirst, but no acute pain. Nothing could be done for his relief beyon' 1 rubbing his wound* A. GORDOM PYM. Ill with a little of the vinegar from the olives, and from this no ben- efit, seemed to be experienced. We did everything in our power for his comfort, and trebled his allowance of water. . July 30. An excessively hot day, with no wind. An enormous shark kept close by the hulk during the whole of the forenoon. We made several unsuccessful attempts to capture him by means of a noose. Augustus much worse, and evidently sinking as much from want of proper nourishment as from the effect of his wounds. Pie constantly prayed to be released from his suffer- ings, wishing for nothing but death. This evening we ate the last of our olives, and found the water in our jug so putrid that \ve could not swallow it at all without the addition of wine. Determined to kill our tortoise in the morning. July 31. After a night of excessive anxiety and fatigue, owing to the position of the hulk, we set about killing and cutting up our tortoise. He proved to be much smaller than we had sup- posed, although in good condition the whole meat about him not amounting to more than ten pounds. With a view of pre- serving a portion of this as long as possible, we cut it into fine pieces, ami filled with them our three remaining olive-jars and the wine-bottle (all of which had been kept), pouring in after- ward the vinegar from the olives. In this manner we put away about three pounds of the tortoise, intending not to touch it until we had consumed the rest. We concluded to restrict ourselves to about four ounces of the meat per day ; the whole would thus last us thirteen days. A brisk shower, with severe thunder and lightning, came on about dusk, but lasted so short a time that we only succeeded in catching about half a pint of water. The whole of this, by common consent, was given to Augustus, who now appeared to be in the last extremity. He drank the water from the sheet as we caught it (we holding it above him as he lay so as to let it run into his mouth), for we had now nothing left capable of holding water, unless we had chosen to empty out our wine from the carboy, or the stale water from the jug. Either of these expedients would have been resorted to had the shower lasted. The sufferer seemed to derive but little benefit from the draught. His arm was completely black from the wrist to tho 112 NARRATIVE OF shoulder, and his feet were like ice. We expected every mo- ment to see him breathe his last. He was frightfully emaciated : so much so that, although he weighed a hundred and twenty- seven pounds upon his leaving Nantucket, he now did not weigh more than forty or fifty at the farthest. His eyes were sunk far in his head, being scarcely perceptible, and the skin of his cheeka hung so loosely as to pi-event his masticating any food, or even swallowing any liquid, without great difficulty. August 1. A continuance of the same calm weather, with an oppressively hot sun. Suffered exceedingly from thirst, the water in the jug being absolutely putrid and swarming with vermin. We contrived, nevertheless, to swallow a portion of it by mixing it with wine our thirst, however, was but little abated. We found more relief by bathing in the sea, but could not avail ourselves of this expedient except at long intervals, on account of the continual presence of sharks. We now ?avv clearly that Augustus could not be saved ; that he was evidently dying. We could do nothing to relieve his sufferings, which appeared to be great. About twelve o'clock he expired in strong convulsions, and without having spoken for several hours. His death filled us with the most gloomy forebodings, and had so great an effect upon our spirits that we sat motionless by the corpse during the whole day, and never addressed each other except in a whisper. It was not until some time after dark that we took courage to get up and throw the body overboard. It was then loathsome beyond expression, and so far decayed that, as Peters attempted to lift it, an entire leg came off in his grasp. As the mass of putrefaction slipped over the vessel's side into the water, the glare of phosphoric light with which it was surrounded plainly discovered to us seven or eight large sharks, the clashing of whose horrible teeth, as their prey was torn to pieces among them, might have been heard at the distance of a mile. We shrunk within ourselves in the extremity of horror at the sound. August 2. The sttme fearfully calm and hot weather. The dawn found us in a state of pitiable dejection as well as bodily ex- haustion. The water in the jug was now absolutely useless being a thick gelatinous mass ; nothing but frightful-looking worms mingled with slime. We threw it out, and washed thn A GORDON PYM. 113 jug well in the ea, afterward pouring a little vinegar in it from our bottles of pickled tortoise. Our thirst could no\v scarcely be endured, and we tried in vain to relieve it by wine, which seemed only to add fuel to the flame, and excited us to a high degree of intoxication. We after Yard endeavored to relieve our suffer- ings by mixing the wine with seawater ; but this instantly brought about the most violent retchings, so that we never again attempted it. Dui-ing the whole day we anxiously sought an opportunity of bathing, but to no purpose ; for the hulk was now entirely besieged on all sides with sharks no doubt the identical monsters who had devoured our poor companion on the evening before, and who were in momentary expectation of another simi- lar feast. This circumstance occasioned us the most bitter regret, and filled us with the most depressing and melancholy forebodings. We had experienced indescribable relief in bathing, and to have this resource cut off in so frightful a manner was more than we could bear. Nor, indeed, were we altogether free from the apprehension of immediate danger, for the least slip or false movement would have thrown us at once within reach of these voracious fish, who frequently thrust themselves directly upon us, swimming up to leeward. No shouts or exertions on our part seemed to alarm them. Even when one of the largest was struck with an axe by Peters, and much wounded, he persisted in his attempts to push in where we were. A cloud came up at dusk, but, to our extreme anguish, passed over without discharg- ing itself. It is quite impossible to conceive our sufferings from thirst at this pesiod. We passed a sleepless night, both on this account and through dread of the sharks. August 3. No prospect of relief, and the brig lying still more and more along, so that now we could not maintain a footing upon deck at all. Busied ourselves in securing our wine and tortoise-meat, so that we might not lose them in the event of our rolling over. Got out two stout spikes from the forechains, and, by means of the axe, drove them into the hull to windward within a couple of feet of the water ; this not being very far from the keel, as we were nearly upon our beam-ends. To these Bpikef we now lashed our provisions, as being more secure than their former position beneath the chams. Suffered great agony frou* 114 NARRATIVE OF thirst during 1 the whole day no chance of bathing on account o the sharks, which never left us for a moment. Found it impos- sible to sleep. August 4. A little before daybreak we perceived that the hulk was heeling over, and aroused ourselves to prevent being thrown off by the movement. At first the roll was slow and gradual, and we contrived to clamber over to windward very well, having taken the precaution to leave ropes hanging from the spikes we had driven in for the provision. But we had not calculated sufficiently upon the acceleration of the impetus ; Cor, presently the heel became too violent to allow of our keeping pace with it ; and, before either of us knew what was to happen, we found ourselves hurled furiously into the sea, and struggling several fathoms beneath the surface, with the huge hull immedi- ately above us. In going under the water I had been obliged to let go my hold upon the rope ; and finding that I was completely beneath the vessel, and my strength utterly exhausted, I scarcely made a struggle for life, and resigned myself, in a few seconds, to die, But here again I was deceived, not having taken into considera- tion the natural rebound of the hull to windward. The whirl of the water upward, which the vessel occasioned in rolling partially back, brought me to the surface still more violently than I had been plunged beneath. Upon coming up, I found myself about twenty yards from the hulk, as near as I could judge. She was lying keel up, rocking furiously from side to side, and the sea in all directions around was much agitated, and full of strong whirl- pools. I could see nothing of Peters. An oil-cask was floating within a few feet of me, and various other articles from the brig were scattered about. My principal terror was now on account of the sharks, which I knew to be in my vicinity. In order to deter these, if possible, from approaching me, I splashed the water, vigorously with both hands and feet as I swam towards the hulk, creating a' body of foam I have no doubt that to this expedient, simple as it was, I was indebted for my preservation; for the sea all around the brig, just before her rolling over, was so crowded with these monsters, that I must have been, nnd really was. in actual contact A GORDON PYM. 115 with some of them during my progress. By great good fortune, however, I reached the side of the vessel in safety, although so utterl) weakened by the violent exertion I had used that I should never have been able to get upon it but for the timely assistance of Peters, who now, to my great joy, made his appearance (having scrambled up to the keel from the oppo>ite side of the hull), and threw me the end of a rope one of those which had been attached to the spikes. Having barely escaped this danger, our attention was now directed to the dreadful imminency of another; that of absolute starvation. Our whole stock of provision had been swept over- board in spite of all our care in securing it ; and seeing no longer the remotest possibility of obtaining more, we gave way both of us to despair, weeping aloud like children, and neither of us attempting to offer consolation to the other. Such weakness can scarcely be conceived, and to those who have never been simi- larly situated will, no doubt, appear unnatural ; but it must be remembered that our intellects were so entirely disordered by the long course of privation and terror to which we had been sub- jected, that we could not justly be considered, at that perid, in the light of rational beings. In subsequent perils, nearly as great, if not greater, I bore up with fortitude against all the evils of my situation, and Peters, it will be seen, evinced a stoical phi- losophy nearly as incredible as his present childlike supineness and imbecility the mental condition made the difference. The overturning of the brig, even with the consequent loss of the wine and turtle, would not, in fact, have rendered our situa- tion more deplorable than before, except for the disappearance of the bedclothes by which we had been hitherto enabled to catcl rain-water, and of the jug in which .we had kep., it when caught ; for we found the whole bottom, from within two or three feet of the bends as far as the keel, together with the keel itself, thickly covered with large barnacles, which proved to be excellent and highly nutritious food. Thus, in two important respects, the accident we had so greatly dreaded proved a benefit rather than an injury ; it had opened to us a supply of provisions, which we could not have exhausted, using it moderately, in a month ; and it had greatly contributed to oin* comfort as regards position, we 116 NARRATIVE OF being much more at our ease, and in infinitely less danger, thai before. The difficulty, however, of now obtaining water blinded us tci all the benefits of the change in our condition. That we might be ready to avail ourselves, as far as possible, of any shower which might fall, we took off our shirts, to make use of them as \ve had of the sheets not hoping, of course, to get more in this way, even under the most favorable circumstances, than half a gill at a time. No signs of a cloud appeared during the day, arid the agonies of our thirst were nearly intolerable. At night, Peters obtained about an hour's disturbed sleep, but my intense Bufferings would not permit me to close my eyes for a single moment. August 5. To-day, a gentle breeze springing up, carried us through a vast quantity of seaweed, among which we were so fortunate as to find eleven small crabs, which afforded us several delicious meals. Their shells being quite soft, we ate them en- tire, and found that they irritated our thirst far less than the barnacles. Seeing no trace of sharks among the seaweed, we also ventured to bathe, and remained in the water for four or five hours, during which we experienced a very sensible diminu- tion of our thirst. Were greatly refreshed, and spent the night somewhat more comfortably than before, both of us snatching a . little sleep. August 6. This day we were blessed by a brisk and continual rain, lasting from about noon until after dark. Bitterly did we now regret the loss of our jug and carboy ; for, in spite of the little means we had of catching the water, we might have filled one, if not both of them. As it was, we contrived to satisfy the cravings of thirst by suffering the shirts to become saturated, and then wringing them so as to let the grateful fluid trickle into our mouths. In this occupation we passed the entire day; August 7. Just at daybreak we both at the same instant descried a sail to the eastward, and evidently coming towards us! We hailed the glorious sight with a long, although feeble shout of rapture; and began instantly to make every signal in out power, by flaring the shirts in the air, leaping as high as our weak condition would permit, aod even by hallooing with all the A. GORDON PV.M. 117 strength of our lungs, although the vessel could not have been less than fifteen miles distant. However, she still continued to near our hulk, and \ve felt that, if she but held her present course, she must eventually come so close as to perceive us. In about an hour after we first discovered her. we could clearly see the people on her decks. She was a long, low, and rakish-look- ing topsail schooner, with a black ball in her foretopsail, and had, apparently, a full crew. We now became alarmed, for we could hardly imagine it possible that she did not observe us, and were apprehensive that she meant to leave us to perish as we were an act of fiendish barbarity, which, however incredible it may appear, has been repeatedly perpetrated at sea, under cir- cumstances very nearly similar, and by beings who were regard- ed as belonging to the human species.* In this instance, how- ever, by the mercy of God, we were destined to be most happily * The case of the brig Polly, of Boston, is one so much in point, and her fate, in many respecls, so remarkably similar to our own, that I cannot for- bear alluding to it here. This vessel, of one hundred and thirty tons burden, sailed from Boston, with a cargo of lumber and provisions, for Santa Croix, on the twelfth of December, 1811, under the command of Captain Casneau. There were eight souls on board besides the captain the mate, four sea- men, and the cook, together with a Mr. Hunt, and a negro girl belonging to him. On the fifteenth, having cleared the shoal of Georges, she sprung aleak in a gale of wind from the southeast, and was finally capsized : but, the mast going by the board, she afterward righted. They remained in this situa- tion, without fire, and with very little provision, for the period of one hun- dred and ninety-one days (from December the fifteenth to June the twentieth), when Captain Casneau and Samuel Badger, the only survivors, were taken off the wreck by the Fame, of Hull, Captain Featherstone. bound home from Rio Janeiro. When picked up, they were in latitude 28 N., longitude 13 W., having drifted above two thousand miles ! On the ninth of July, the Fame fell in with the brig Dromeo, Captain Perkins, who landed the two uurTerers in Kennebeck. The narrative from which we gather these details, ends in the following words : " It is natural to inquire how they could float such a vast distance, upon the most frequented part of the Atlantic, and not be discovered all this timet They were passed by more than a dozen sail, one of which came so nigh them that they could distinctly see the people on deck and on the rigging- looking a them ; but, to the inexpressible disappointment of the starving anil freezing men, they stifled the iictalcs of compassion, hoisted sail, and cruelly alii>doii<,a them to their fate." 113 NARRATIVE OF deceived ; for, presently we were aware of a sudden commotion on the deck of the stranger, who immediately afterward run n\: a British flag, and, hauling her wind, bore up directly upon us. In half an hour more we found ourselves in her cabin. She proved to be the Jane Guy, of Liverpool, Captain Guy, bound on a sealing and trading voyage to the South Seas and Pacific. CHAPTER XIV. THE Jane Guy was a fine-looking topsail schooner of a him dred and eighty tons burden. She was unusually sharp in the bows, and on a wind, in moderate weather, the fastest sailer I have ever seen. Her qualities, however, as a rough sea-boat, were not so good, and her draught of water was by far too great for the trade to which she was destined. For this peculiar ser- vice, a larger vessel, and one of a light proportionate draught, is desirable say a vessel of from three to three hundred and fifty tons. She should be barque-rigged, and in other respects of a different construction from the usual South Sea ships. It is absolutely necessary that she should be well armed. She should have, say ten or twelve twelve-pound carronades, and two or three long twelves, with brass blunderbusses, and water-tight arm-chests for each top. Her anchors and cables should be of far greater strength than is required for any other species of trade, and, above all, her crew should be numerous and efficient not less, for such a vessel as I have described, than fifty or sixty able-bodied men. The Jane Guy had a crew of thirty-five, all able seamen, besides the captain and mate, but she was not alto- gether as well armed or otherwise equipped, as a navigator ac- quainted with the difficulties and dangers of the trade could have desired. Captain Guy was a gentleman of great urbanity of manner, and of considerable experience in the southern traffic, to which he had devoted a greater portion of his life. He was deficient, however, in energy, and consequently, in that spirit of enterprise which is here so absolutoly requisite. He was part owner of the A. GORDON PYM. 119 vessel in which he sailed, and was invested with discretionary powers to cruise in the South Seas for any cargo which might come most readily to hand. He had on board, as usual in such voyages, beads, looking-glasses, tinder-work?, axes, hatchets, saws, adzes, planes, chisels, gouges, gimlets, files, spokeshaves, rasps, hammers, nails, knives, scissors, razors, needles, thread, crockeryware, calico, trinkets, and other similar articles. The schooner sailed from Liverpool on the tenth of July, crossed the tropic of Cancer on the twenty-fifth, in longitude twenty degrees West, and reached Sal, one of the Cape Verd Islands, on the twenty-ninth, Avhere she took in salt and other necessaries for the voyage. On the third of August, she left the Cape Verds and steered southwest, stretching over towards the coast of Brazil, so as to cross the equator between the meridians of twenty-eight and thirty degrees west longitude. This is the course usually taken by vessels bound from Europe to the Cape of Good Hope, or by that route to the East Indies. By proceed- ing thus they avoid the calms and strong contrary currents which continually prevail on the coast of Guinea, while, in the end, it is found to be the shortest track, as westerly winds are never wanting afterward by which to reach the Cape. It was Captain Guy's intention to make his first stoppage at Kerguelen's Land I hardly know for what reason. On the day we were picked up the schooner was off Cape St. Roque, in longitude thirty-one degrees west ; so that, when found, we had drifted probably, from north to south, not less than five-and-twenty degrees ! On board the Jane Guy we were treated with all the kindness our distressed situation demanded. In about a fortnight, during which time we continued steering to the southeast, with gentle breezes and fine weather, both Peters and myself recovered entirely from the effects of our late privation and dreadful suffer- ing, and we began to remember what had passed rather as a frightful dream from which we had been happily awakened, than as events which had taken place in sober and naked reality. I have since found that this species of partial oblivion is usually brought about by sudden transition, whether from joy to sorrow or from sorrow to joy the degree of forgetfulness being pro- portioned to the degree of difference in the exchange. Thus, in 120 NARRATIVE OF my own case, I now feel it impossible to realize ilm full extent of the misery which I endured during the days spent upon Ilie hulk. The incidents are remembered, but not the feelings which the incidents elicited at the time of their occurrence. I only know, that when they did occur, I then thought human nature could sustain nothing more of agony. We continued our voyage for some weeks without any inci- dents of greater moment than the occasional meeting with whaling-ships, and more frequently with the black or right whale, BO called in contradistinction to the spermaceti. These, how- ever, were chiefly found south of the twenty-fifth parallel. OH the sixteenth of September, being in the vicinity of the Cape of Good Hope, the schooner encountered her first gale of any vio- lence since leaving Liverpool. In this neighborhood, but more frequently to the south and east of the promontory (we were to the westward), navigators have often to contend with storms from the northward, which rage with great fury. They always bring with them a heavy sea, and one of their most dangerous features is the instantaneous chopping round of the wind, an occurrence almost certain to take place during the greatest force of the gale. A perfect hurricane will be blowing at one moment from the northward or northeast, and in the next not a breath of wind will be felt in that direction, while from the southwest it will come out all at once with a violence almost inconceivable. A bright spot to the southward is the sure forerunner of the change, and vessels are thus enabled to take the proper precau- tions. It was about six in the morning when the blow came on with a white squall, and, as usual, from the northward. By eight it had increased very much, and brought down upon us one of the most tremendous seas I had then ever beheld. Everything had been made as snug as possible, but the schooner labored exces- sively, and gave evidence of her bad qualities as a seaboat, pitching her forecastle under at every plunge, and with the greatest difficulty struggling up from one wave before she was buried in another. Just before sunset the bright spot for which we had been on the lookout made its appearance in the south- west, and in an hour afterward we perceived the little head-sail. A. GORDON PYM. 121 we carried flapping listlessly against the mast. In two minutes more, in spite of every preparation, we were hurled on our beam- ends, as if by magic, and a perfect wilderness of foam made a clear breach over us as we lay. The blow from the southwest, however, luckily proved to be nothing more than a squall, and we had the good fortune to right the vessel without the loss of a spar. A heavy cross sea gave us great trouble for a few hours after this, but towards morning we found ourselves in nearly as good condition as before the gale. Captain Guy considered that he had made an escape little less than miraculous. On the thirteenth of October we came in sight of Prince Edward's Island, in latitude 46 53' S., longitude 37 46' E. Two days afterward we found ourselves near Possession Island, and presently passed the islands of Crozet, in latitude 42 59' S., longitude 48 E. On the eighteenth we made Kerguelen's or Desolation Island, in the Southern Indian Ocean, and came to anchor in Christmas Harbor, having four fathoms of water. This island, or rather group of islands, bears southeast from the Cape of Good Hope, and is distant therefrom nearly eight hundred leagues. It was first discovered in 1772, by the Baron de Kergulen, or Kerguelen, a Frenchman, who, thinking the land 'to form a portion of an extensive southern continent, carried home information to that effect, which produced much excitement at the time. The government, taking the matter up, sent the baron back in the following year for the purpose of giving his new discovery a critical examination, when the mistake was dis- covered. In 1777, Captain Cook fell in with the same group, and gave to the principal one the name of Desolation Island, a title which it certainly well deserves. Upon approaching the land, however, the navigator might be induced to suppose other- wise, as the sides of most of the hills, from September to March, are clothed with very brilliant verdure. This deceitful appear ance is caused by a small plant resembling saxifrage, which is abundant, growing in large patches on a species of crumbling moss. Besides this plant there is scarcely a sign of vegetation on the island, if we except some coarse rank grass near the har bor, some lichen, and a shrub which bears resemblance to a 122 NARRATIVE OF cabbage shooting into seed, and which has a bitter and acrid taste. The face of the country is hilly, although none of the hills can be called lofty. Their tops are perpetually covered with snow. There are several harbors, of which Christmas Harbor is the most convenient. It is the first to be met with on the northeast side of the island after passing Cape Francois, which forms the northern shore, and, by its peculiar shape, serves to distinguish the harbor. Its projecting point terminates in a high rock, through which is a large hole, forming a natural arch. The entrance is in latitude 48 40' S., longitude 69 6' E. Passing in here, good anchorage may be found under the shelter of several small islands, which form a sufficient protection from all easterly winds. Proceeding on eastwardly from this anchorage you come to Wasp Bay, at the head of the harbor. This is a small basin, completely landlocked, into which you can go with four fathoms, arid find anchorage in from ten to three, hard clay bottom. A ship might lie here with her best bower ahead all the year round without risk. To the westward, at the head of Wasp Bay, is a small stream of excellent water, easily procured. Some seal of the fur and hair species are still to be found on Kerguelen's Island, and sea elephants abound. The feathered tribes are discovered in great numbers. Penguins are very plenty, and of these there are four different kinds. The royal penguin, so called from its size and beautiful plumage, is the largest. The upper part of the body is usually gray, sometimes of a lilach tint ; the under portion of the purest white imaginable. The head is of a glossy and most brilliant black, the feet also. The chief beauty of the plumage, however, consists in two broad stripes of a gold color, which pass along from the head to the breast. The bill is long, and either pink or bright scarlet. These birds walk erect, with a stately carriage. They carry their heads high .vith their wings drooping like two arms, and, as their tails pro- ject from their body in a line with the legs, the resemblance to a human figure is very striking, and would be apt to deceive the spectator at a casual glance or in the gloom of the evening. The royal penguins which we meet with on Kerguelen's Land were rather larger than a goose The o her kinds are the maccaroni. A. GORDON PYM. 123 the jackass, and the rookery penguin. These are much smaller, less beautiful in plumage, and different in other respects. Besides the penguin many other birds are here to be found, among which may be mentioned seahens, blue peterels, teal, clucks, Port Egrnont hens, shags. Cape pigeons, the nelly, sea- swallows, terns, sea-gulls, Mother Carey's chickens, Mother Ca- re v's geese, or the great peterel, and, lastly, the albatross. The great peterel is as large as the common albatross, and is carnivorous. It is frequently called the break-bones, or osprey peterel. They are not at all shy, and, when properly cooked, are palatable food. In flying they sometimes sail very close to the surface of the water, with the wings expanded, without appearing lo move them in the least degree, or make any exertion with them whatever. The albatross is one of the largest and fiercest of the South Sea birds. It is of the gull species, and takes its prey on the wing, never coming on land except for the purpose of breed- ing. Between this bird and the penguin the most singular friend- ship exists. Their nests are constructed with great uniformity upon a plan concerted between the two species that of the alla- tross being placed in the centre of a little square formed by the nests of four penguins. Navigators have agreed in calling an assemblage of such encampments a rookery. These rookeries have been often described, but, as my readers may not all have seen these descriptions, and as I shall have occasion hereafter to speak of the penguin and albatross, it will not be amiss to saj something here of their mode of building and living. When the season for incubation arrives, the birds assemble in vast numbers, and for some days appear to be deliberating upon the proper course to be pursued. At length they proceed to action. A level piece of ground is selected, of suitable extent, usually comprising three or four acres, and situated as near the sea as possible, being still beyond its reach. The spot is chosen with reference to its evenness of surface, and that is preferred which is the least encumbered with stones. This matter being arranged, the birds proceed, with one accord, and actuated appa- rently by one mind, to trace out, with mathematical accuracy, either a square or other parallelogram, as may best suit the no- 124 NARRATIVE OF ture oi' the ground, and of just sufficient size to acccrmnod.it.? easily all the birds assembled, and no more in this particular seeming determined upon preventing the access of future strag glers who have not participated in the labor of the encampment. One side of the place thus marked out run's parallel with the water's edge, and is left open for ingress or egress. Having defined the limits of the rookery, the colony now begin to clear it of every species of rubbish, picking up stone by stone, and carrying them outside of the lines, and close by them, so as to form a wall on the three inland sides. Just within this wall a perfectly level and smooth walk is formed, from six to eight feet wide, and extending around the encampment thus serving the purpose of a general promenade. The next process is to partition out the whole area into small squares exactly equal in size. This is done by forming narrow paths, very smooth, and crossing each other at right angles throughout the entire extent of the rookery. At each intersec- tion of these paths the nest of an albatross is constructed, and a penguin's nest in the centre of each square thus every penguin is surrounded by four albatrosses, and each albatross by a like number of penguins. The penguin's nest consists of a hole in the earth, very shallow, being only just of sufficient depth to keep her single egg from rolling. The albatross is somewhat less ermple in her arrangements, erecting a hillock about a foot high and two in diameter. This is made of earth, seaweed, and shells. On its summit she builds her nest. The birds take especial care never to leave their nests unoccu- pied for an instant during the period of incubation, or, indeed, until the young progeny are sufficiently strong to take care of themselves. While the male is absent at sea in search of food, the female remains on duty, and it is only upon the return of her partner that she ventures abroad. The eggs are never left un- covered at all while one bird leaves the nest, the other nestling in by its side. This precaution is rendered necessary by the thievish propensities prevalent in the rookery, the inhabitants making no scruple to purloin each other's eggs at every good op- portunity. Although there arc some rookeries in which the penguin and A. GORDON PYM. 121 albatross arc the sole population, yet in most of them a variety of oceanic birds are to be met with, enjoying all the privileges of citizenship, and scattering their nests here and there, wherever they can find room, never interfering, however, with the stations of the larger species. The appearance of such encamp- ments when seen from a distance, is exceedingly singular. The whole atmosphere just above the settlement is darkened with tho immense number of the albatross (mingled with the smaller tribes) which are continually hovering over it, either going to the ocean or returning home. At the same time a crowd of penguins are to be observed, some passing to and fro in the narrow alleys, and some marching with the military strut so peculiar to them, around the general promenade-ground which encircles the rook- ery [n short, survey it as we will, nothing can be more aston- ishing than the spirit of reflection evinced by these feathered beings, and nothing surely can be better calculated to elicit reflection in every well-regulated human intellect. On the morning after our arrival in Christmas Harbor the chief male, Mr. Patterson, took the boats, and (although it was some- what early in the season) went in search of seal, leaving the captain and a young relation of his on a point of barren land toon er to take them off. CHAPTER XV. ON the twelfth we made sail from Christmas Harbor, retracing our way to the westward, and leaving Marion's Island, one of Crozet's group, on the larboard. We afterward passed Prince Edward's Island, leaving it also on our left ; then, steering more to the northward, made, in fifteen days, the islands of Tristan d'Acunha, in latitude 37 8' S., longitude 12 8' W. This group, now so well known, and which consists of three Circular islands, was first discovered by the Portuguese, and was risked afterward by the Dutch in 1643, and by the French in 17G7. The three islands together form a triangle, and are dis- tant from each other about ten miles, there being fine open passages between. The land in all of them is very high, espe- cially in Tristan d'Acunha, properly so called. This is the largest of the group, being fifteen miles in circumference, and so elevated that it can be seen in clear weather at the distance of eighty or ninety miles. A part of the land towards the north rises more than a thousand feet perpendicularly from the sea. A tableland at this height extends back nearly to the centre of the island, and from this tableland arises a lofty cone like that of Teneriffe. The lower half of this cone is clothed with trees of good size, but the upper region is barren rock, usually hidden among the clouds, and covered with snow during the greater part of the year. There are no shoals or other dangers about the island, the shores being remarkably bold and the water deep A. GORDON P7M. 127 On the northwestern coast is a bay, with a beacli of black sand, where a landing with boats can be easily effected, providtd ther be a southerly wind. Plenty of excellent water may here be readily procured ; also c"od, and other fish, may be taken with hook and line. The next island in point of size, and the most westwardly ot the group, is that called the Inaccessible. Its precise situation is 37 17' S. latitude, longitude 12 24' W. It is seven or eight miles in circumference, and on all sides presents a forbidding and precipitous aspect. Its top is perfectly flat, and the whole region is sterile, nothing growing upon it except a few stunted shr-ubs. Nightingale Island, the smallest and most southerly, is in lati- tude 37 3 20' S., longitude 12 12' W. Off its southern extrem- ity is a high ledge of rocky islets ; a few also of a similar appear- ance are seen to the northeast. The ground is irregular and sterile, and a deep valley partially separates it. The shores of these islands abound, in the proper season, with sea lions, sea elephants, the hair and fur seal, together with a great variety of oceanic birds. Whales are also plenty in their vicinity. Owing to the ease with which these various animals were here formerly taken, the group has been much visited since its discovery. The Elutch and French frequented it at a very early period. In 1790, Captain Patten, of the ship Indus- try, of Philadelphia, made Tristan d'Acunha, where he remained seven months (from August, 1790, to April, 1791) for the pur- pose of collecting sealskins. In this time he gathered no less than five thousand six hundred, and says that he would have had no difficulty in loading a large ship with oil in three weeks. Upon his arrival he found no quadrupeds, with the exception of a few wild goats the island now abounds with all our most val- uable domestic animals, which have been introduced by subse quent navigators. I believe it was not long after Captain Patten's visit that Captain Colquhoun, of the American brig Betsey, touched at the largest of the islands for the purpose of refreshment. He planted onions, potatoes, cabbages, and a great many other vegetables, an abundance of all which are now to be met with. In 1811, a Captain Hay wood, in the Nereus, visited Tristan 128 NARRATIVE OF He found there three Americans, who were residing upon the islands to prepare sealskins and oil. One of these men wa$ named Jonathan Lambert, and he called himself the sovereign of the country. He had cleared and cultivated about sixty acres of land, and turned his attention to raising the coffee-plant and sugar-cane, with which he had been furnished by the American minister at Rio Janeiro. This settlement, however, was finally abandoned, and in 1817 the islands were taken possession of by the British government, who sent a detachment for that purpose from the Cape of Good Hope. They did not. however, retain them long ; but, upon the evacuation of the country as a British possession, two or three English families took up their residence there independently of the government. On the twenty-fifth of March, 1824, the Berwick, Captain Jeffrey, from London to Van Diemen's Land, arrived at the place, where they found an Eng- lishman of the name of Glass, formerly a corporal in the British artillery. He claimed to be supreme governor of the islands, and had under his control twenty-one men and three women. He gave a very favorable account of the salubrity of the climate and of the productiveness of the soil. The population occupied them- selves chiefly in collecting sealskins and sea-elephant oil, with which they traded to the Cape of Good Hope, Glass owning a small schooner. At the period of our arrival the governor was still a resident, but his little community had multiplied, there being fifty-six persons upon Tristan; besides a smaller settlement of seven on Nightingale Island. We had no difficulty in pro- curing almost every kind of refreshment which we required sheep, hogs, bullocks, rabbits, poultry, goats, fish in great variety, and vegetables were abundant. Having come to anchor close in with the large island, in eighteen fathoms, we took all we wanted ca board very conveniently. Captain Guy also purchased of Glass five hundred sealskins and some ivory. We remained here a week, during which the prevailing winds were from the northward and westward, and the weather somewhat hazy. On the fifth of November we made sail to the southward and west- ward, with the intention of having a thorough search for a group of islands called the Auroras, respecting whose existence a great diversity of opinion has existed. A. GORDON PYM. 129 These islands are said to have been discovered as early as 17''2. by the commander of the ship Aurora. In 1700, Captain Manuel de Oyarvido, in the ship Princess, belonging to the Royal Philippine Company, sailed, a= he asserts, directly among them. In 171)4, the Spanish corvette Atrevida went with the determina- tion of ascertaining their precise situation, and, in a paper pub- lished by the Royal Hydrographical Society of Madrid in the year 1809, the following language is used respecting this expedi- tion. " The corvette Atrevida practised, in their immediate vicinity, from the twenty-first to the twenty-seventh of Jan- uary, all the necessary observations, and measured by chronom- eters the difference of longitude between these islands and the port of Soledad in the Malninas. The islands are three ; they are very nearly in the same meridian ; the centre one is rather low, and the other two may be seen at nine leagues distance." The observations made on board the Atrevida give the following results as the precise situation of each island. The most north- ern is in latitude 52 37' 24" S., longitude 47 43' 15" W. ; the middle one in, latitude 53 2' 40" S., longitude 47 55' 15" W.; and the most southern in latitude 53 15' 22" S., longitude 47 57' 15" W. On the twenty-seventh of January, 1820, Captain James Wed- del, of the British navy, sailed from Staten Land also in search of the Auroras. He reports that, having made the most diligent search and passed not only immediately over the spots indicated by the commander of the Atrevida, but in every direction through- out the vicinity of these spot*, he could discover no indication of land. These conflicting statements have induced other navigators to look out for the islands ; and, strange to say, while some have sailed through every inch of sea where they are supposed to lie without finding them, there have been not a few who declare positively tha* they have seen them ; and even been close in with their shores. It was Captain Guy's intention to make every ex- ertion within his power to settle the question so oddly in dispute.* * Among the vessels which at various times have professed to m^et ^vith the Auroras may be mentioned the ship San Miguel, in 1769 ; the ship Au- rora, in 1774 ; the brigPearl, in 1779 : and the ship Dolores, in 1790. They all agree in giving the ire an latitude fifty- three degrees south. 130 NARRATIVE OF We kept on our course, between the south and west, with variable wea her, until the twentieth of the month, when we found ourselves on the debated ground, being in latitude 53 15' S., longitude 47 58' W. that is to say, very nearly upon the spot indicated as the situation of the most southern of the group Not perceiving any sign of land, we continued to the westward n the parallel of fifty-three degrees south, as far as the meridian "f fifty degrees west. We then stood to the north as far as the parallel- of fifty-two degrees south, when we turned to the east ward, and kept our parallel by double altitudes, morning and evening, and meridian altitudes of the planets and moon. Having thus gone eastwardly to the meridian of the western coast of Georgia, we kept that meridian until we were in the latitude from which we set out. We then took diagonal courses through- out the entire extent of sea circumscribed, keeping a lookout constantly at the masthead, and repeating our examination with the greatest care for a period of three weeks, during which the weather was remarkably pleasant and fair, with no haze what- soever. Of course we were thoroughly satisfied that, whatever islands might have existed in this vicinity at any former period, no vestige of them remained at the present day. Since my return home I find that the same ground was traced over, with equal care, in 1822, by Captain Johnson, of the American schooner Henry, and by Captain Morrell, in the American schooner Wasp in both cases with the same result as in our own. CHAPTER XVI. IT had been Captain Guy's original intention, after satisfying Iiimself about the Auroras, to proceed through the Strait of .Ma- gellan, and up along the western coast of Patagonia ; but infor- mation received aj; Tristan d'Acunha induced him to steer to the southward, in the hope of falling in with some small islands said to lie about the parallel of 60 S., longitude 41 20' W. In the event of his not discovering these lands, he designed, A. UORDON- PYM. 131 should the season prove favorable, to push on towards the pole- Accordingly, on the twelfth of December, we made sail in thai direction. On the eighteenth we found ourselves about the sta tion indicated by Glass, and cruised for three days in that neigh borhood without finding any traces of the islands he had men- tioned. On the twenty-first, the weather being unusually pleasant, we again made sail lo the southward, with the resolu- tion of penetrating in that course as far as possible. Before entering upon this portion of my narrative, it may be as well, for the information of those readers who have paid little atten- tion to the progress of discovery in these regions, to give some brief account of the very few attempts at reaching the southern pole which have hitherto been made. That of Captain Cook was the first of which we have any distinct account. In 1772, he sailed to the south in the Resolution, accompanied by Lieutenant Furneaux. in the Adventure. In December he found himself as far as the fifty-eighth parallel of south latitude, and in longitude 26 57' E. Here he met with narrow fields of ice, about eight or ten inches thick, and run- ning northwest and southeast. This ice was in large cakes, and usually it was packed so closely that the vessels had great diffi- culty in forcing a passage. At this period Captain Cook sup- posed, from the vast number of birds to be seen, and from other indications, that he was in the near vicinity of land. He kept on to the southward, the weather being exceedingly cold, until he reached the sixty-fourth parallel, in longitude 38 14' E. Here he had mild weather, with gentle breezes, for five days, the thermometer being at thirty -six. In January, 1773, the vessels crossed the Antarctic circle, but did not succeed in pene- trating much farther; for, upon reaching latitude 67 15', they found all farther progress impeded by an immense body of ice, extending all along the southern horizon as far as the eye could reach. This ice was of every variety and some large floes of it, miles in extent, formed a compact mass, rising eighteen or *wenty feet above the water. It being late in the season, and no hope entertained of rounding these obstructions, Captaio Cook now reluctantly turned to the northward. In the November following he renewed his search in the 132 NARRATIVE OF Antarctic. In latitude 59 40' he met with a strong current setting to the south ,vard. In December, when the vessels were in latitude 67 31*, longitude 142 54' W., the cold was exces- sive, with heavy gales and fog. Here also birds were abundant ; the albatross, tl e penguin, and the peterel especially. In latitude 70 23' some large islands of ice were encountered, and shortly afterward, the clouds to the southward were observed to be of a snowy whiteness, indicating the vicinity of field ice. In latitude 71 10', longitude 106 54' "W"., the navigators were stopped, as before, by an immense frozen expanse, which filled the whole area of the southern horizon. The northern edge of this expanse was ragged and broken, so firmly wedged together as to be utterly impassable, and extending about a mile to the south- ward. Behind it the frozen surface was comparatively smooth for some distance, until terminated in the extreme back-ground by gigantic ranges of ice mountains, the one towering above the other. Captain Cook concluded that this vast field reached the southern pole or was joined to a continent. Mr. J. N. Reynolds, whose great exertions and perseverance have at length suc- ceeded in getting set on foot a national expedition, partly for the purpose of exploring these regions, thus speaks of the attempt of the Resolution : " We are not surprised that Captain Cook was unable to go beyond 71 10', but we are astonished that he did attain that point on the meridian of 106 54' west lon- gitude. Palmer's Land lies south of the Shetland, latitude sixty-four degrees, and tends to the southward and westward farther than any navigator has yet penetrated. Cook was stand ing for this land when his progress was arrested by the ice ; which, we apprehend, must always be the case in that point, and so early in the season as the sixth of January and we should not be surprised if a portion of the icy mountains described was attached to the main body of Palmer's Land, or to some other portions of land lying farther to the southward and westward." In 1803, Captains Kreutzenstern and Lisiausky were dis- patched by Alexander of Russia for the purpose of circumnavi- gating the globe. In endeavoring to get south, they made no farther than 59 58', in longitude 70 15' W. They here met with strong currents setting eastwardly. Whales were abuo A. GORDON PVM. 133 dant, but they saw no ice. In regard to this voyage, Mr. Rey- nolds observes that, if Kreutzenstern had arrived where he did earlier in the season, he must have encountered ice it was March when he reached the latitude specified. The winds pre- vailing, as th 134 NARRATIVE OF allels of sixty and sixty-two south. We were now in latitude 70 14' S., and the temperature of the air was forty-seven, and that of the water forty-four. In this situation I found the vari- ation to be 14 27' easterly, per azimuth. ... I have several times passed within the Antarctic circle, on different meridians, and have uniformly found the temperature, both of the air and the water, to become more and more mild the farther I advanced beyond the sixty-fifth degree of south latitude, and that the vari- ation decreases in the same proportion. While north of this latitude, say between sixty and sixty-five south, we frequently had great difficulty in finding a passage for the vessel between the immense and almost innumerable ice islands, some of which were from one to two miles in circumference, and more than five hundred feet above the surface of the water." Being nearly destitute of fuel and water, and without proper instruments, it being also late in the season, Captain Morrell was now obliged to put back, without attempting any farther pro- gress to the westward, although an entirely open sea lay before him. He expresses the opinion that, had not these overruling considerations obliged him to retreat, he could have penetrated, if not to the pole itself, at least to the eighty-fifth parallel. I have given his ideas respecting these matters somewhat at length, that the reader may have an opportunity of seeing how far they were borne out by my own subsequent experience. In 1831, Captain Briscoe, in the employ of the Messieurs Enderby, whale-ship owners of London, sailed in the brig Lively for the South Seas, accompanied by the cutter Tula. On the twenty-eighth of February, being in latitude 66 30' S., longi- tude 47 13' E., he descried land, and " clearly discovered through the snow the black peaks of a range of mountains run- ning E. S. E." He remained in this neighborhood during the whole of the following month, but was unable to approach the coast nearer than within ten leagues, owing to the boisterous state of the weather. Finding it impossible to make farther discovery during this season, he returned northward to winter in Van Diemen's Land. In the beginning of 1832 he again proceeded southwardly, and on the fourth of February land was seen to the southeast in A. GORDON PYM. 135 latitude 67 15', longitude 69 29' W. This was soon found to be an island near the headland of the country lit had first dis- covered. On the twenty-first of the month he succeeded in landing on the latter, and took possession of it in the name of William IV., calling it Adelaide's Island, in honor of the English queen. These particulars being made known to the Royal Geo- graphical Society of London, the conclusion was drawn by thai body "that there is a continuous tract of land extending from 47 30' E. to G9 29' W. longitude, running the parallel of from sixty- six to sixty-seven degrees south latitude." In respect to this conclusion Mr. Reynolds observes, " In the correctness of it we by no means concur ; nor do the discoveries of Briscoe warrant any such inference. It was within these limits that Weddell proceeded south on a meridian to the east of Georgia, Sandwich Land, and the South Orkney and Shetland Islands." My own experience will be found to testify most directly to the falsity of the conclusion arrived at by the society. These are the principal attempts which have been made at penetrating to a high southern latitude, and it will now be seen I hat there remained, previous to the voyage of the Jane, nearly three hundred degrees of longitude in which the Antarctic circle hail not been crossed at all. Of course a wide field lay before us for discovery, and it was with feelings of most intense inter- est that I heard Captain Guy express his resolution of pushing boldly f o the southward. CHAPTER XVII. WE kept our course southwardly for four days after giving up the search for Glass's Islands, without meeting with any ice at all. On the twenty-sixth, at noon, we were in latitude 63 23' S., longitude 41 25' W. We now saw several large ice islands, find a floe of field ice, not, however, of any great extent. The winds generally blew from the southeast, or the northeast, but were very light. Whenever we had a westerly wind, which was seldom, it was invariably attended with a rain squall. Every 136 NARRATIVE OF day we had more or less snow. The thermometer, on the twenty-seventh, stood at thirty-five. January 1, 1828. This day we found ourselves completely nemmed in by the ice, and our prospects looked cheerless indeed. A strong gale blew, during the whole forenoon, from the north- east, and drove large cakes of the drift against the rudder and counter with such violence that we all trembled for the conse- quences. Towards evening, the gale still blowing with fury, a large field in front separated, and we were enabled, by carrying a press of sail, to force a passage through the smaller flakes into some open water beyond. As we approached this space we took in sail by degrees, and having at length got clear, lay to under a single reefed foresail. January 2. We had now tolerably pleasant weather. At noon we found ourselves in latitude 69 10' S., longitude 42 20' W., having crossed the Antarctic circle. Very little ice was to be seen to the southward, although large fields of it lay behind us. This day we rigged some sounding gear, using a large iron pot capable of holding twenty gallons, and a line of two hundred fathoms. We found the current setting to the north, about a quarter of a mile per hour. The temperature of the air was now about thirty-three. Here we found the variation to be 14 28' easterly, per azimuth. January 5. We had still held on to the southward without any very great impediments. On this morning, however, being in latitude 73 15' E., longitude 42 10' W., we were again Drought to a stand by an immense expanse of firm ice. We saw, nevertheless, much open water to the southward, and felt no doubt of being able to reach it eventually. Standing to the eastward along the edge of the floe, we at length came to a pas- sags of about a mile in width, through which we warped our way by sundown. The sea in which we now were was thickly covered with ice islands, but had no field ice, and we pushed on boldly as before. The cold did not seem to increase, although we had snow very frequently, and now and then hail squalls 01 great violence. Immense flocks of the albatross flew over the schooner this day, going from southeast to northwest. January 7. The sea still remained pretty well open, so that A. GORDON PYM. 137 we had no difficulty in holding on our course. To the westward we saw joine icebergs of incredible size, and in the afternoon passed very near one whose summit could not have been less than four hundred fathoms from the surface of the ocean. Its girth was probably, at the base, three quarters of a league, and several streams of water were running from crevices in its sides. We remained in sight of this island two days, and then only lost it in a fog. January 10. Early this morning we had the misfortune to lose a man overboard. He was an American, named Peter Vreclenburgh, a native of New York, and was one of the most val- uable hands on board the schooner. In going over the bows his foot slipped, and he fell between two cakes of ice, never rising again. At noon of this day we were in latitude 78 30', longi- tude 40 15' W. The cold was now excessive, and we had hail squalls continually from the northward and eastward. In this direction also we saw several more immense icebergs, and the whole horizon to the eastward appeared to be blocked up with field ice, rising in tiers, one mass above the other. Some drift- wood floated by during the evening, and a great quantity of birds flew over, among which were Nellies, peterels, albatrosses, and a large bird of a brilliant blue plumage. The variation here, per azimuth, was less than it had been previously to our passing the Antarctic circle. January 12. Our passage to the south again looked doubtful, as nothing was to be seen in the direction of the pole but one ap- parently limitless floe, backed by absolute mountains of ragged ice, one precipice of which arose frowningly above the other. We stood to the westward until the. fourteenth, in the hope of finding an entrance. January 14. This morning we reached the western extremity of the field which had impeded us, and, weathering it, came to an open sea, without a particle of ice. Upon sounding with two hundred fathoms, we here found a current setting southwardly at the rate of half a mile per hour. The temperature of the air was forty-seven, that of the water thirty-four. We now sailed to the southward without meeting any interruption of moment until the sixteenth, when, at noon, we were in latitude 81 21' 138 NARRATIVE OF long. 42 W. We here again sounded, and found a current setting still southwardly, and at the rate of three quarters of a mile per hour. The variation per azimuth had diminished, and the tem- perature of the air was mild and pleasant, the thermometer being as high as> fifty-one. At this period not a particle of ice was to be discovered. All hands on board now felt, certain of attaining the pole. January 17. This day was full of incident. Innumerable flights of birds flew over us from the southward, and several were shot from the deck ; one of them, a species of pelican, proved to be excellent eating. About midday a small floe of ice was seen from the masthead off the larboard bow, and upon it there appeared to be some large animal. As the weather was good and nearly calm, Captain Guy ordered out two of the boats to see what it was. Dirk Peters and myself accompanied the mate in the larger boat. Upon coming up with the floe, we per- ceived that it was in the possession of a gigantic creature of the race of the Arctic bear, but far exceeding in size the largest of these animals. Being well armed, we made no scruple of attack- ing it at once. Several shots were fired in quick succession, the most of which took effect, apparently, in the head and body. Nothing discouraged, however, the monster threw himself from the ice, and swam, with open jaws, to the boat in which were Peters and myself. Owing to the confusion which ensued among us at this unexpected turn of the adventure, no person was ready immediately with a second shot, and the bear had actually succeeded in getting half his vast bulk across our gun- wale, and seizing one of the men by the small of his back, before any efficient means were taken to repel him. In this extremity nothing but the promptness and agility of Peters saved us from destruction. Leaping upon the back of the huge beast, he plunged the blade of a knife behind the neck, reaching the spinal marrow at a blow. The brute tumbled into the sea lifeless, and without a struggle, rolling over Peters as he fell. The latter soon recovered himself, and a rope being thrown him, he secured the carcass before entering the boat. We then returned in triumph to the schooner, towing our trophy behind us. This bear, upon admeasurement, proved to be *ull fifteen feet in his greatest A. GORDON PYM. 139 length. His wool was perfectly white, and very coarse, curling tightly. The^cyes were of a blood red, and larger than those of the Arctic bear the snout also more rounded, rather reoeinblin< ' t> the snout of the bull-dog. The meat was tender, but excessively rank and fishy, although the men devoured it with avidity, and declared it excellent eating. Scarcely had we got our prize alongside, when the man at the masthead gave the joyful shout of " land on the starboard bow /" All hands were now upon the alert; and, a breeze springing up very opportunely from the northward and eastward, we were soon close in with the coast. It proved to be a low rocky islet, of about a league in circumference, and altogether destitute of vegetation, if we except a species of prickly pear. In approach- ing it from the northward, a singular ledge of rock is seen pro- jecting into the sea, and bearing a strong resemblance to corded bales of cotton. Around this ledge to the westward is a small bay, at the bottom of which our boats effected a convenient landing. It did not take us long to explore every portion of the island, but, with one exception, we found nothing worthy of our obser- vation. In the southern extremity, we picked up near the shore, half buried in a pile of loose stones, a piece of wood, which seemed to have formed the prow of a canoe. There had been evidently some attempt at carving upon it, and Captain Guy fancied that he made out the figure of a tortoise, but the resem- blance did not strike me very forcibly. Besides this prow, if such it were, we found no other token that any living creature had ever been here before. Around the coast we discovered occasional small floes of ice but" .these were very few. The exact situation of this islet (to which Captain Guy gave the name of Bennet's Islet, in honor of his partner in the ownership of the schooner) is 82 50' S. latitude, 42 20' W. longitude. We had now advanced to the southward more than eight de- grees farther than any previous navigators, and the sea still lay perfectly open before us. We found, too, that the variation uniformly decreased as we proceeded, and, what was still more surprising, that the temperature of the air. and latterly of the water, became milder. The weather might even be called 140 NARRATIVE OF pleasant, and we had a steady but very gen le breeze always from some northern point of the compass. The sky was usually clear, with now and then a slight appearance of thin vapor in the southern horizon this, however, was invariably of brief duration. Two difficulties alone presented themselves to our view ; we were getting short of fuel, and symptoms of scurvy had occurred among several of the crew. These considerations began to im- press upon Captain Guy the necessity of returning, and he spoke of it frequently. For my own part, confident as I was of soon arriving at land of some description upon the course we were pursuing, and having every reason to believe, from present ap- pearances, that we should not find it the sterile soil met with in the higher Arctic latitudes, I warmly pressed upon him the expediency of persevering, at' least for a few days longer, in the direction we were now holding. So tempting an opportunity of solving the great problem in regard to an Antarctic continent had never yet been afforded to man, and I confess that I felt my- self bursting with indignation at the timid and ill-timed sugges- tions of our commander. I believe, indeed, that what I could not refrain from saying to him on this head had the effect of indu- cing him to push on. While, therefore, I cannot but lament the most unfortunate and bloody events which immediately arose from my advice, I must still be allowed to feel some degree of gratification at having been instrumental, however remotely, in opening to the eye of science one of the most intensely exciting secrets which has ever engrossed its attention. CHAPTER XVIII. JANUARY 18. This morning* we continued to the southward, with the same pleasant weather as before. The sea was entirely smooth, the air tolerably warm and from the northeast, the tem- perature :>f the water fifty-three. We now again got our sound- ing-gear in order, and, with a hundred and fifty fathoms of line, * The terms morning and evening, which I have made use of to avoid confusion in my narrative, as far as possible, must not, of rourse, be taken A. GORDON PVM. 141 found the current setting towards the pole at the rate of a mil tin hour. This constant tendency to ihe southward, both in th< wind and current, caused some degree of speculation, and even of alarm, in different quarters of the schooner, and I saw dis- tinctly that no little impression had been made upon the mind of Captain Guy. He was exceedingly sensitive to ridicule, however, and I finally succeeded in laughing him out of his ap- prehensions. The variation was now very trivial. In the course of the day we saw several large whales of the right species, and innumerable flights of the albatross passed over the vessel. We also picked up a bush, full of red berries, like those of the haw- thorn, and the carcass of a singular-looking land-animal. It was three feet in length, and but six inches in height, with four very short legs, the feet armed with long claws of a brilliant scarlet, and resembling coral in substance. The body was covered with a straight silky hair, perfectly white. The tail was peaked like that of a rat, and about a foot and a half long. The head resembled a cat's, with the exception of the ears these were flapped like the ears of a dog. The teeth were of the same brilliant scarlet as the claws. January 19. To-day, being in latitude 83 20', longitude 43 5' "W. (the sea being of an extraordinarily dark color), we again saw land from the masthead, and, upon a closer scrutiny, found it to be one of a group of very large islands. The shore was precipitous, and the interior seemed to be well wooded, a circum- stance which occasioned us great joy. In about four hours from our first discovering the land we came to anchor in ten fathoms, sandy bottom,'a league from the coast, as a high surf, with strong ripples here and there, rendered a nearer approach of doubtful expediency. The two largest boats were now ordered out, and a party, well armed (among whom were Peters and myself), in their ordinary sense. For a long time past we had had no nighl at all, the daylight being continual. The dates throughout are according to nauti- cal time, and the bearings must be understood as per compass. I would also remark, in this place, that I cannot, in the first portion of what is here written, pretend to strict accuracy in respect to dates, or latitudes and lon-- gitudes, having kept no regular journal until after the period of which this first portion treats. In many instances I have relied altogether upon memory. 142 NARRATIVE OF proceeded to look for an opening in the reef which appeared to encircle the island. Afier searching about for some time, we discovered an inlet, which we were 2ntering, when we saw four large canoes put off from the shore, filled with men who seemed to be well armed. We waited for them to come up, and, as they moved with great rapidity, they were soon within hail. Captain Guy now held up a white handkerchief on the blade of an oar, when the strangers made a full stop, and commenced a loud jab- bering all at once, intermingled with occasional shouts, in which we could distinguish the words Anamoo-moo! and Lama-Lama ! They continued this for at least half an hour, during which we had a good opportunity of observing their appearance. In the four canoes, which might have been fifty feet long and five broad, there were a hundred and ten savages in all. They were about the ordinary stature of Europeans, but of a more muscular and brawny frame Their complexion a jet black, with thick and long woolly hair. They were clothed in skins of an unknown black animal, shaggy and silky, and made to fit the body with some degree of skill, the hair being inside, except where turned out about the neck, wrists, and ankles. Their arms consisted principally of clubs, of a dark, and apparently very heavy wood. Some spears, however, were observed amcng them, headed with flint, and a few slings. The bottoms of the canoes were full of black stones about the size of a large egg. When they had concluded their harangue (for it was clear they intended theii jabbering for such), one of them who seemed to be the chief stood up in the pro\v of his canoe, and made signs for us to bring our boats alongside of him. This hint we pretended not to understand, thinking it the wiser plan to main- tain, if possible, the interval between us, as their number more than quadrupled our own. Finding this to be the case, the chief ordered the three other canoes to hold back, while he advanced towards us with his own. As soon as he came up with us he leaped on board the largest of our boats, and seated himself by the side of Captain Guy, pointing at the same time to the schooner, and repeating the words Anamoo-moo! and Lama- Lama! We now put back to the vessel the four canoes follow- ing at a little distance. A. GORDON PYM. 143 Upon getting alongside, the chief evinced symptoms of extreme surprise and delight, clapping his hands, slapping his thighs and breast, and laughing obstreperously. His followers behind joined in his merriment, and for some minutes the din was so excessive as to be absolutely deafening. Quiet being at length restored, Captain Guy ordered the boats to be hoisted up, as n necessary precaution, and gave the chief (whose name we soon found to be Too-wit) to understand that "ve could admit no mora than twenty of his men on deck at one time. With this arrange- ment he appeared perfectly satisfied, and gave some directions to the canoes, when one of them approached, the rest remaining about fifty yards off. Twenty of the savages now got on board, and proceeded to ramble over every part of the deck, and scramble about among the rigging, making themselves much at home, and examining every article with great inquisitiveness. It was quite evident that they had never before seen any of the white race from whose complexion, indeed, they appeared to recoil. They believed the Jane to be a living creature, and seemed to be afraid of hurting it with the points of their spears carefully turning them up. Our crew were much amused with the conduct of Too-wit in one instance. The cook was splitting some wood near the galley, and, by accident, struck his axe into the deck, making a gash of considerable depth. The chief im- mediately ran up, and pushing the cook on one side rather roughly, commenced a, half whine, half howl, strongly indicative of sympathy in what he considered the sufferings of the schooner, patting and smoothing the gash with his hand, and washing it from a bucket of seawater which stood by. This was a degree of ignorance for which we were not prepared, and for my part I could not help thinking some of it atfected. When the visitors had satisfied, as well as they could, their curiosity in regard to our upper works, they were admitted be- low, when their amazement exceeded all bounds. Their aston- ishment now appeared to be far too dt,ep for words, for they roamed about in silence, broken only by low ejaculations. The arms afforded them much food for speculation, and they were Buffered to handle and examine them at leisure. 1 do not believe that they had the least suspicion of their actual use, but rather 144 NARRATIVE OF took them for idols, seeing the care we had of them, and the attention with \vhich we watched their movements while hand- ling them. At the great guns their wonder was redoubled They approached them with every mark of the profoundest reveivnce and awe, but forbore to examine them minutely There were two large mirrors in the cabin, and here was the acme of their amazement. Too-wit was the first to approach them, and he had got in the middle of the cabin, with his face to one and his back to the other, before he fairly perceived them. Upon raising his eyes and seeing his reflected self in the glass. I thought the savage would go mad ; but, upon turning short round to make a retreat, and beholding himself a second time in the opposite direction, I was afraid he would expire upon the spot. No persuasion could prevail upon him to take another look ; but, throwing himself upon the floor, with his face buried in his hands, he remained thus until we were obliged to drag him upon deck. The whole of the savages were admitted on board in this manner, twenty at a time, Too-wit being suffered to remain during the entire period. We saw no disposition to thievery among them, nor did we miss a single article after their depart- ure. Throughout the whole of their visit they evinced the most friendly manner. There were, however, some points in their demeanor which we found it impossible to understand : for ex- ample, we could not get them to approach several very harmless objects such as the schooner's sails, an egg, an open book, or a pan of flour. We endeavored to ascertain if they had among them any articles Avhich might be turned to account in the way of traffic, but found great difficulty in being comprehended. We made out, nevertheless, what greatly astonished us, that the islands abounded in the large tortoise of the Gallipagos. one of which we saw in the canoe of Too-wit. We saw also some biche de mer in the hands of one of the savages, who was greed- ily devouring it in its natural state. These anomalies, for they were such when considered in regard to the latitude, induced Captain Guy to wish for a thorough investigation of the country, in the hope of making a profitable speculation in his discovery. For my own part, anxious as I \vas to know something more of \ GORDON PYM. 145 r.hese islands, I was still more earnestly bent on prosecuting the voyage to the southward without delay. We had now fine weather, but there was no telling how long it would last ; and being already in the eighty-fourth parallel, with an open sea be- fore us, a current setting strongly to the southward, and the wind fair, I could not listen with any patience to a proposition of stopping longer than was absolutely necessary for the health of the crew and the taking on board a proper supply of fuel and fresh provisions. I represented to the captain that we might easily make this group on our return, and winter here in the event of being blocked up by the ice. He at length came into my views (for in some way, hardly known to myself, I had ac- quired much influence over him), and it was finally resolved thatj even in the event of our finding biche de ?ner, we should only stay here a week to recruit, and then push on to the southward while we might. Accordingly we made every necessary preparation, and, under the guidance of Too-wit, got the Jane through the reef in safety, coming to anchor about a mile from the shore, in an excellent bay, completely landlocked, on the southeastern coast of the main island, and in ten fathoms of water, black sandy bot- tom. At the head of this bay there were three fine springs (we were told) of good water, arid we saw abundance of wood in the vicinity. The four canoes followed us in, keeping, however, at a respectful distance. Too-wit himself remained on board, and, upon our dropping anchor, invited us to accompany him on shore, and visit his village in the interior. To this Captain Guy con- sented ; and ten savages being left on board as hostages, a party of us, twelve in all, got in readiness to attend the chief. We took care to be well armed, yet without evincing any distrust. The schooner had her guns run out, her boarding-nettings up, and every other proper precaution was taken to guard against surprise. Directions were left with the chief mate to admit no person on board during our absence, and, in the event of our not appearing in twelve hours, to send the cutter, with a swivel, Around the island in search of us. At every step we took inland the conviction forced itself upon us that we were in a country differing essentially from any hith- erto visited by civilized men. We saw nothing with which we 146 NARRATIVE OF tnd been formerly conversant. The trees resembled no giowth of either the torrid, the temperate, or the northern frigid zones and were altogether unlike those of the lower southern latitudes we had already traversed. The very rocks were novel in their mass, their color, and their stratification ; and the streams them- selves, utterly incredible as it may appear, had so little in com mon with those of other climates, that we were scrupulous of tasting them, and, indeed, had difficulty in bringing ourselves to believe that their qualities were purely those of nature. At a small brook which crossed our path (the first we had reached) Too-wit and his attendants halted to drink. On account of the singular character of the water, we refused to taste it, supposing it to be polluted ; and k was not until some time afterward we came to understand that such was the appearance of the streams throughout the whole group. I am at a loss to give a distinct idea of the nature of this liquid, and cannot do so without many words. Although it flowed with rapidity in all declivities where common water would do so, yet never, except when falling in a cascade, had it the customary appearance of limpidity. It was, nevertheless, ia point of fact, as perfectly limpid as any limestone water in existence, the difference being only in appearance. At first sight, and especially in cases where little declivity was found, it bore resemblance, as regards consistency, to a thick in- fusion of gum Arabic in common water. But this was only the least remarkable of its extraordinary qualities. It was not color- '<>ss, nor was it of any one uniform color presenting to the eye, as it flowed, every possible shade of purple, like the hues of a Changeable silk. This variation in shade was produced in a manner which excited as profound astonishment in the minds of our party as the mirror had done in the case of Too-wit. Upon collecting a basinful, and allowing it to settle thoroughly, we per- ceived that the whole mass of liquid was made up of a number of distinct veins, each of a distinct hue; that these veins did not commingle ; and that their cohesion was perfect in regard to theii own particles among themselves, and imperfect in regard to neighboring veins. Upon passing the blade of a knife athwart the -veins, the water closed over it immediately, as with MS, and also, in withdrawing it, all traces of the passage of the knife were \. GORDON PYM. 147 instantly obliterated. If, however, the blade was passed down accurately between the two veins, a pnrfect separation was ef f'ected, which, the power of cohesion did not immediately rectify The phenomena of this water formed the first definite link in that vast chain of apparent miracles with which I was destined to be at length encircled. CHAPTER XIX. WE were nearly three hours in reaching the village, it being more than nine miles in the interior, and the path lying through a rugged country. As we passed along, the party of Too-wit (the whole hundred and ten savages of the canoes) was mo- mentarily strengthened by smaller detachments, of from two to six or seven, which joined us, a; if by accident, at different turns in the road. There appeared so much of system in this that I could not help feeling distrust, and I spoke to Captain Guy of my apprehensions. It was now too late, however, to recede, and we concluded that our best security lay in evincing a perfect con- fidence in the good faith of Too-wit. We accordingly went on, keeping a wary eye upon the manoeuvres of the savages, and not permitting them to divide our numbers by pushing in between. In this way, passing through a precipitous ravine, we at length reached what we were told was the only collection of habitations upon the island. As we came in sight of them, the chief set up a shout, and frequently repeated the word Klock-Klock ; which we supposed to be the name of the village, or perhaps the ge- neric name for villages. The dwellings were of the most miserable description imaginable, and, unlike those of even the lowest of the savage races with which mankind are acquainted, were of no uniform plan. Some of them ;and these we found belonged to the Wampoos or Yampoos, the great men of the land) consisted of a tree cut down at about four feet from the root, with a large black skin thrown over it, and hanging in loose folds upon the ground. Under this the savage nestled. Others were formed by means of rough limbs of trees, 148 NARRATIVE OF / with the withered foliage upon them, made to recline, at an anirta of forty-five degrees, against a bank of clay, heaped up, without regular form, to the height of five or six feet. Others, again, were mere holes dug in the earth perpendicularly, and covered over with similar branches, these being removed when the tenant was about to enter, and pulled on again when he had entered. A few were built among the forked limbs of trees as they stood, the upper limbs being partially cut through, so as to bend over upon the lower, thus forming thicker shelter from the weather. The greater number, however, consisted of small shallow caverns, apparently scratched in the face of a precipitous ledge of dark stone, resembling fuller's earth, with which three sides of the village was bounded. At the door of each of these primitive caverns was a small rock, which the tenant carefully placed be- fore the entrance upon leaving lib residence, for what purpose I could not ascertain, as the stone itself was never of sufficient size to close up more than a third of the opening. This village, if it were worthy of the name, lay in a valley of some depth, and could only be approached from the south- ward, the precipitous ledge of which I have already spoken cut- ting off all access in other directions. Through the middle of the valley ran a brawling stream of the same magical-looking water which has been described. We saw several strange ani- mals about the dwellings, all appearing to be thoroughly domes- ticated. The largest of these creatures resembled our common hog in the structure of the body and snout; the tail, however, was bushy, and the legs slender as those of the antelope. Its motion was exceedingly awkward and indecisive, and we never saw it attempt to run. We noticed also several animals very similar in appearance, but of a greater length of body, and cov- ered with a black wool. There were a great variety of tame fowls running about, and these seemed to constitute the chief food of the natives. To our astonishment we saw black albatross among these birds in a state of entire domestication, going to sea periodically for food, but always returning to the village a& a home, and using the southern shore in the vicinity as a place of incubation. There they were joined by their friends the pelicans as usual, but these latter never followed them to the A. GORDON PYM 149 dwellings of the savages. Among the other kinds of lame fowls were duck?, differing very little from the canvass-back of our own country, black gannets, and a large bird not unlike the buzzard in appearance, but not carnivorous. Of fish there seemed to be a great abundance. We saw, during our visit, a quantity of dried salmon, rock cod, blue dolphins, mackerel, blackfish. skate, conger eels, elephanl-fish, mullets, soles, parrot' fish, leather-jackets, gurnards, hake, flounders, paracutas, and innumerable other varieties. We noticed, too. that most of them were similar to the fish about the group of the Lord Auckland Islands, in a latitude as low as fifty-one degrees south. The Gallipago tortoise was also very plentiful. We saw but few wild animals, and none of a large size, or of a species with which we were familiar. One or two serpents of a formidable aspect crossed our path, but the natives paid them little attention, and we concluded that they were not venomous. As \ve approached the village with Too-wit and his party, a vast crowd of the people rushed out to meet us, with loud siiouts, among which we could only distinguish the everlasting Anamoo-moo ! and Lama-Lama! We were much surprised at perceiving that, with one or two exceptions, these new comers were entirely naked, the skins being used only by the men of the canoes. All the weapons of the country seemed also to be in the possession of the latter, for there was no appearance of any among the villagers. There were a great many women and children, the former not altogether wanting in what might be termed personal beauty. They were straight, tall, and well formed, with a grace and freedom of carriage not to be found in civilized society. Their lips, however, like those of the men, were thick and clumsy, so that, even when laughing, the teeth were never disclosed. Their hair was of a finer texture than that of the males. Among these naked villagers there might have been ten or twelve who were clothed, like the party of Too-wit, in dresses of black skin, and armed with lances and heavy clubs. These appeared to have great influence among the rest, and were always addressed by the title Wampoo. These, too, were the tenants of the black skin palaces. That 01 Too-wit was situated in the centre of the village, and was much 150 NARRATIVE OF largor and somewhat better constructed than others of its kind The tree which formed its support was cut off at a distance of twelve feet or thereabout from the root, and there were several branches left just below the cut, these serving to extend the covering, and in this way prevent its flapping about the trunk. The covering, too, which consisted of four very large skins fast- ened together with wooden skewers, was secured at the bottom with pegs driven through it and into the ground. The floor was strewed with a quantity of dry leaves by way of carpet. To this hut we were conducted with great solemnity, and as many of the natives crowded in after us as possible. Too- wit seated himself on the leaves, and made signs that we should fol- low his example. This we did, and presently found ourselves in a situation peculiarly uncomfortable, if not indeed critical. We were on the ground, twelve in number, with the savages, as many as forty, sitting on their hams so closely around us that, if any disturbance had arisen, we should have found it impossible to make use of our arms, or indeed to have risen on our feet. The pressure was not only inside the tent, but outside, where probably was every individual on the whole island, the crowd being prevented from trampling us to death only by the incessant exertions and vociferations of Too-wit. Our chief security lay, however, in the presence of Too-wit himself among us, and we resolved to stick by him closely, as the best chance of extricating ourselves from the dilemma, sacrificing him immediately upon the first appearance of hostile design. After some trouble a certain degree of quiet was restored when the chief addressed us in a speech of great length, and very nearly resembling the one delivered in the canoes, with the exception that the Anamoo-moos ! were now somewhat more strenuously insisted upon than the Lama-Lumus ! We listened in profound silence until the conclusion of his harangue, when Captain Guy replied by assuring the chief of his eternal friend- ship and good-will, concluding what he had to say by a present of several strings of blue beads and a knife. At the former the monarch, much to our surprise, turned up his nose with some expression of contempt ; but the knife gave him the most un- limited satisfaction, and he immediately ordevf-d dinnev. Thi A. GORDON PYM. 151 was handed into the tent over the heads of the attendants, and consisted of the palpitating entrails of a species of unknown animal, probably one of the slim-legged hogs which we had observed in our approach to the village. Seeing us at a loss how to proceed, he began, by way of setting us an example, to devour yard after yard of the enticing food, until we could posi- tively stand it no longer, and evinced such manifest symptoms of rebellion of stomach as inspired his majesty with a degree of astonishment only inferior to that brought about by the looking- glasses. We declined, however, partaking of the delicacies before us, and endeavored to make him understand that we had no appetite whatever, having just finished a hearty dejeuner. When the monarch had made an end of his meal, we com- mciiced a series of cross-questioning in every ingenious manner we could devise, with a view of discovering what were the chief productions of the country, and whether any of them might be turned to profit. At length he seemed to have some idea of our meaning, and oifered to accompany us to a part of the coast where he assured us the biche de mer (pointing to a specimen of that animal) was to be found in great abundance. We were glad at this early opportunity of escaping from the oppression of the crowd, and signified our eagerness to proceed. We now left the tent, and, accompanied by the whole population of the village, followed the chief to the southeastern extremity of the island, not far from the bay where our vessel lay at anchor. We waited here for about an hour, until the four canoes were brought round by some of the savages to our station. The whole of our party then getting into one of them, we were paddled along tho edge of the reef before mentioned, and of another still farther out, where we saw a far greater quantity of biche de mer than the oldest seaman among us had ever seen in those groups of the lower latitudes most celebrated for this article of commerce. We stayed near these reefs only long enough to satisfy ourselves that we could easily load a dozen vessels with the animal if necessary, when we were taken alongside the schooner, and parted with Too-wit, after obtaining from him a promise that he would bring us. in the course of twenty-four hours, as many of the ranvass-back duck and Gallipago tortoises as his canoes 152 NARRATIVE OF would hold. In the whole of this adventure ;?;'/% owing to the friendly disposition of the islanders, and the readiness with which they would render us assistance in collecting it, Captain Guy resolved to enter into negotiation with Too-wit for the erection of suitable houses in which to cure the article, and for the services of himself and tribe in gathering as much as possible, while he himself took advantage of the fine weather to prosecute his voyage to the southward. Upon mentioning this project to the chief he seemed very willing to enter into an agree- ment. A bargain was accordingly struck, perfectly satisfactory to both parties, by which it was arranged that, after making the necessary preparations, such as laying off the proper grounds, erecting a portion of the buildings, and doing some other work in which the whole of our crew would be required, the schooner should proceed on her route, leaving three of her men on the island to superintend the fulfilment of the project, and instruct the natives in drying the biche de mer. In regard to terms, these were made to depend upon the exertions of the savages in our absence. They were to receive a stipulated quantity of blue beads, knives, red cloth, and so forth, for every certain number of piculs of the biche de mer which should be ready on our re- turn. A description of the nature of this important article of com- merce, and the method of preparing it, may prove of some inter- est to my readers, and I can find no more suitable place than this for introducing an account of it. The following comprehensive notice of the substance is taken from a modern history of a voy- age to the South Seas. " It is that mollusca from the Indian Seas which is known in commerce by the French name bouche de mer (a nice morsel from the sea). If I am not much mistaken, the celebrated Cuvier calls it gastcropeda pidmonifera. It is abundantly gathered in the coasts of the Pacific Islands, and gathered especially for the Chinese market, where it commands a great price, perhaps as much as their much-talked-of edible bird's nests, which are pro- bably made up of the gelatinous matter picked up by a specie? of swallow from the body of these molluscas. They have no 15 4 NARRATIVE OF shell, no legs, nor any prominent part, except an absorbing ami an excretory, opposite organs ; but, by their elastic wings, like caterpillars or worms, they creep in shallow waters, in which, when low, they can be seen by a kind of swallow, the sharp bill of which, inserted in the soft animal, draws a gummy and fila- mentous substance, which, by drying, can be wrought into the solid walls of their nest. Hence the name of gasteropeda pul- monifera. This mollusca is oblong, and of different sizes, from three to eighteen inches in length ; and I have seen a few that were not less than two feet long. They are nearly round, a little flattish on one side, which lies next the bottom of the sea ; and they are, from one to eight inches thick. They crawl up into shallow wa- ter at particular seasons of the year, probably for the purpose of gendering, as we often find them in pairs. It is when the sun has the most power on the water, rendering it tepid, that they approach the shore ; and they often go up into places so shallow that, on the tide's receding, they are left dry, exposed to the heat i>f the sun. But they do not bring forth their young in shallow water, as we never see any of their progeny, and the full-grown ones are always observed coming in from deep water. They feed principally on that class of zoophytes which produce the coral. " The biche de mer is generally taken in three or four feet water ; after which they are brought on shore, and split at one end with a knife, the incision being one inch or more, according to the size of the mollusca. Through this opening the entrails are forced out by pressure, and they are much like those of any other small tenant of the deep. The article is then washed, and afterward boiled to a certain degree, which must not be too much or too little. They are then buried in the ground for four hours then boiled again for a short time, after which they are dried, either by the fire or the sun. Those cured by the sun are worth the most; but where one picul (1331 Ibs.) can be cured that way, I can cure thirty piculs by the fire. When once properly cured, they can be kept in a dry place for two or three years without any risk ; but they should be examined once in every few months, say four times a year, to see if any dampness is likely to effect them. A. UURDON PYM. 155 " The Chinese, as before stated, consider liclie de mer a very great luxury, believing that it wonderfully strengthens and nour- ishes the system, and renews the exhausted system of the im- moderate voluptuary. The first quality commands a high price in Canton, being worth ninety dollars a picul ; the second quality seventy-five dollars ; the third fifty dollars ; the fourth thirty dol- lars ; the fifth twenty dollars ; the sixth twelve dollars ; the seventh eight dollars ; and the eighth four dollars ; small cargoes, however, will often bring more in Manilla, Singapore, and Batavia." An agreement having been thus entered into, we proceeded immediately to land everything necessary for preparing the buildings and clearing the ground. A large flat space near the eastern shore of the bay was selected, where there was plenty both of wood and w r ater, and within a convenient distance of the principal reefs on which the biche de mer was to be procured. We now all set to work in good earnest, and soon, to the great astonishment of the savages, had felled a sufficient number of trees for our purpose, getting them quickly in order for the frame work of the houses, which in two or three days were so far under way that we could safely trust the rest of the work to the three men whom w r e intended to leave behind. These were John Car son, Alfred Harris, Peterson (all natives of London, I be- lieve), who volunteered their services in this respect. By the last of the month we had everything in readiness for departure. We had agreed, however, to pay a formal visit of leavestaking to the village, and Too-wit insisted so pertinaciously upon our keeping the promise, that we did not think it advisable to run the risk of offending him by a final refusal. I believe that not one of us had at this time the slightest suspicion of the good faith of the savages. They had uniformly behaved with the greatest decorum, aiding us with alacrity in our work, offer- ing us their commodities, frequently without price, and never, in any instance, pilfering a single article, although the high value they set upon the goods we had with us was evident by the extravagant demonstrations of joy always manifested upon our making them a present. The women especially were most obliging in every respect, and, upon the whole, we should have been the most suspicious of human beings had we entertained 156 NARRATIVE OF a single thought of perfidy on the part of a people wlu treat wl us &o well. A very short while sufficed to prove that this appa- rent kindness of disposition was only the result of a deeply-laid plan for our destruction, and that the islanders for whom we en- tertained such inordinate feelings of esteem, were among the jiost barbarous, subtle, and bloodthirsty wretches that ever con- taminated the face of the globe. It was on the first of February that we went on shore for the purpose of visiting the village. Although, as said before, we entertained not the slightest suspicion, still no proper precaution was neglected. Six men were left in the schooner, with instruc- tions to permit none of the savages to approach the vessel during our absence, under any pretence whatever, and to remain con- stantly on deck. The boarding-nettings were up, the guns double-shotted with grape and canister, and the swivels loaded with canisters of musket-balls. She lay, with her anchor apeak, *bout a mile from the shore, and no canoe could approach her >n any direction without being distinctly seen and exposed to the full fire of our swivels immediately. The six men being left on board, our shore-party consisted ol thirty-two persons in all. We were armed to the teeth, bavin;; with us muskets, pistols, and cutlasses, besides each a long kinci of seaman's knife, somewhat resembling the Bowie knife now ao much used throughout our western and southern country. A hundred of the black skin warriors met us at the landing for the purpose of accompanying us on our way. We noticed, however, with some surprise, that they were now entirely without arms i and, upon questioning Too-wit in relation to this circumstance, he merely answered that Mattce non we pa pa si meaning that there was no need of arms where all were brothers. We took this in good part, and proceeded. We had passed the spring and rivulet of which I before spoke, and were now entering upon a narrow gorge leading through the chain of soapstone hills among which the village was situated. This gorge was very rocky and uneven, so much so that it was with no little difficulty we scrambled through it on our first visit to Klock-klock. The whole length of the ravine might have been a mile and a half, or probably two miles. It A. GORDON PYM. . 157 wound in every possible direction through the hills (having apparently formed, at some remote period, the bed of a torrent), in no instance proceeding more than twenty yards without an abrupt turn. The sides of this dell would have averaged, I am sure, seventy or eighty feet in perpendicular altitude throughout the whole of their extent, and in some portions they arose to an ast< nishing height, overshadowing the pass so completely that but little of the light of day could penetrate. The general width was about forty, feet, and occasionally it diminished so as not to allow the passage of more than five or six persons abreast. In short, there could be no place in the world better adapted for the consummation of an ambuscade, and it was no more than natural that we should look carefully to our arms as we entered upon it. When I now think of our egregious folly, the chief subject of astonishment seems to be, that we should have ever ventured, under any circumstances, so completely into the power of un- known savages as to permit them to march both before and behind us in our progress through this ravine. Yet such was the order we blindly took up, trusting foolishly to the force of our party, the unarmed condition of Too-wit and his men, the certain efficacy of our fire-arms (whose effect was yet a secret to the natives), and, more than all, to the long-sustained pretension of friendship kept up by these infamous wretches. Five or six of them went on before, as if to lead the way, ostentatiously busying themselves in removing the larger stones and rubbish from the path, j^ext came our own party. We walked closely together, taking care only to prevent separation. Behind fol- lowed the main body of the savages, observing unusual order and decorum. Dirk Peters, a man named Wilson Allen, and myself were on the right of our companions, examining, as we went along, the singular stratification of the precipice which overhung us. A fissure in the soft rock attracted our attention. It was about wide enough for one person to enter without squeezing, and ex- tended back into the hill some eighteen or twenty feet in a straight course, sloping afterward to the left. The height of the opening, as far as we could see into it from the main gorge, was perhaps sixty or seventy feet. There were one or two stunted 158 NARRATIVE OF shrubs growing from the crevices, bearing a species of filberi which I felt some curiosity to examine, and pushed in briskly for that purpose, gathering five or six of the nuts at a gnv>p, and then hastily retreating. As I turned, I fo ind that Peters and Allen had followed me. I desired them to go back, as there was not room for two persons to pass, saying they shouM have some ol my nuts. They accordingly turned, and were scram- bling back, Allen being close to the mouth of the fissure, when I was suddenly aware of a concussion resembling nothing I had ever before experienced, and which impressed me with a vague conception, if indeed I then thought of anything, that the whole foundations of the solid globe were suddenly rent asunder, and that the day of universal dissolution was at hand. CHAPTER XXI. As soon as I could collect my scattered senses, I found myself aearly suffocated, and grovelling in utter darkness among a quantity of loose earth, which was also falling upon me heavily in every direction, threatening to bury me entirely. Horribly alarmed at this idea, I struggled to gain my feet, and at length succeeded. I then remained motionless for some moments, en- deavoring to conceive what had happened to me, and where I was. Presently I heard a deep groan just at my ear, and after- ward the smothered voice of Peters calling to me for aid in the name of God. I scrambled one or two paces forward, when I fell directly over the head and shoulders of my companion, who, I soon discovered, was buried in a loose mass of earth as far as his middle, and struggling desperately to free himself from the pressure. I tore the dirt from around him with all the energy I could command, and at length succeeded in getting him out. As soon as we sufficiently recovered from our fright and sur- prise to be capable of conversing rationally, we both came to the conclusion that the walls of the fissure in which we had ventured had, by some convulsion of nature, or probably from their own weight, caved in overhead, and that we were consequently lost for ever, being thus entombed alive. For a long time we gave A. GORDON PYM. 159 up supinely to the most intense agony and despair, such as can- not be adequately imagined by those who have never been in a similar situation. I firmly believed that no incident ever occur- ring in the course of human events is more adapted to inspire the supremeness of mental and bodily distress than a case like our own, of living inhumation. The blackness of darkness which envelops the victim, the terrific oppression of lungs, the stifling fumes from the damp earth, unite with the ghastly con- siderations that we are beyond the remotest confines of hope, and that, such is the allotted portion of the dead, to carry into the human heart a degree of appalling awe and horror not to be tolerated never to be conceived. At length Peters proposed that we should endeavor to ascer tain precisely the extent of our calamity, and grope about our prison ; it being barely possible, he observed, that some opening might be yet left us for escape. I caught eagerly at this hope, and, arousing myself to exertion, attempted to force my way through the loose earth. Hardly had I advanced a single step before a glimmer of light became perceptible, enough to convince me that, at all events, we should not immediately perish for want of air. We now took some degree of heart, and encouraged each other to hope for the best. Having scrambled over a bank of rubbish which impeded our farther progress in the direction of the light, we found less difficulty in advancing, and also experi- enced some relief from the excessive oppression of lungs which had tormented us. Presently we were enabled to obtain a glimpse of the objects around, and discovered that we were near the ex- tremity of the straight portion of the fissure, where it made a turn to the left. A few struggles more, and we reached the bend, when, to our inexpressible joy, there appeared a long seam or crack extending upward a vast distance, generally at an angle of about forty-five degrees, although sometimes much more pre- cipitous. We could not see through the whole extent of this opening ; but, as a good deal of light came down it, we had little doubt of finding at the top of it -(if we could by any means reach the top) a clear passage into the open air. I now called to mind that three of us had entered the fissure from the main gorge, and that our companion, Allen, was still 160 NARRATIVE OF missing ; we determined at once to retrace our steps and look for him. After a long search, and much danger from the farther caving in of the earth above us, Peters at length cried out to me that he had hold of our companion's foot, and that his whole body was deeply buried beneath the rubbish, beyond a possibility of extricating him. I soon found that what he said was too true, and that, of course, life had been long extinct. With sorrowf'uS hearts, therefore, we left the corpse to its fate, and again made our way to the bend. The breadth of the seam was barely sufficient to admit us, and, after one or two ineffectual efforts at getting up, we began once more to despair. I have before said that the chain of hills through which ran the main gorge was composed of a species of soft rock resembling soap-stone. The sides of the cleft we were now attempting to ascend were of the same material, and so ex- cessively slippery, being wet, that we could get but little foot- hold upon them even in their least precipitous parts ; in somo places, where the ascent was nearly perpendicular, the difficulty was, of course, much aggravated ; and, indeed, for some time we thought it insurmountable. We took courage, however, from despair ; and what, by dint of cutting steps in the soft stone with our Bowie knives, and swinging, at the risk of our lives, to small projecting points of a harder species of slaty rock which now and then protruded from the general mass, we at length reached a natural platform, from which was perceptible a patch of blue sky, at the extremity of a thickly- wooded ravine. Looking back now, with somewhat more leisure, at the passage through which we had thus far proceeded, we clearly saw, from the appearance of its side% that it was of late formation, and we concluded that the concussion, whatever it was, which had so unexpectedly over- whelmed us, had also, at the same moment, laid open this path for escape. Being quite exhausted with exertion, and, indeed so weak that we were scarcely able to stand or articulate, Peters now proposed that we should endeavor to bring our companions to the rescue by firing the pistols which still remained in our girdles the muskets as well as cutlasses had been lost among the loose earth at the bottom of the chasm. Subsequent event? proved that, had we fired, we should have sorely repented it A. GORDON PYM. 161 but, luckily, a half suspicion of foul play had by this time arisen in my mind, and we forbore to let the savages know of oui whereabouts. After having reposed for about an hour, we pushed on slowly up the ravine, and had gone no great way before we heard a succession of tremendous yells. At length we reached what might be called the surface of the ground ; for our path hitherto, since leaving the platform, had lain beneath an archway of high rock and foliage, at a vast distance overhead. With great cau- tion we stole to a narrow opening, through which we had a clear sight of the surrounding country, when the whole dreadful secret of the concussion broke upon us in one moment and at one view. The spot from which w looked was not far from the summit of the highest peak in the range of the soapstone hills. The gorge in which our party of thirty-two had entered ran within fifty feet to the left of us. But, for at least one hundred yards, the channel or bed of this gorge was entirely filled up with the chaotic ruins of more than a million tons of earth and stone that had been artificially tumbled within it. The means by which the vast mass had been precipitated were not more simple than evident, for sure traces of the murderous work were yet remain- ing. In several spots along the top of the eastern side of the gorge (we were now on the western) might be seen stakes of wood driven into the earth. In these spots the earth had not given way ; but throughout the whole extent of the face of the precipice from which the mass had fallen, it was clear, from marks left in the soil resembling those made by the drill of the rock-blaster, that stakes similar to those we saw standing had been inserted, at not more than a yard apart, for the length of perhaps three hundred feet, and ranging at about ten feet back from the edge of the gulf. Strong cords of grape vine were at- tached to the stakes still remaining on the hill, and it was evi- dent that such cords had also been attached to each of the other stakes. I have already spoken of the singular stratification of these soap-stone hills ; and the description just given of the nar- row and deep fissure through which we effected our escape from inhumation will afford a further conception of its nature. This 162 NARRATIVE OF was such that almost every natural convulsion would be sure to split the soil into perpendiculai layers or ridges running parallel with one another ; and a very moderate exertion of art would be sufficient for effecting the same purpose. Of this stratification the savages had availed themselves to accomplish their treacher- ous ends. There can be no doubt that, by the continuous line of stakes, a partial rupture of the soil had been brought about, probably to the depth of one or two feet, when, by means of a savage pulling at the end of each of the cords (these cords being attached to the tops of the stakes, and extending back from the edge of the cliff), a vast leverage power was obtained, capable of hurling the whole face of the hill, upon a given signal, into the bosom of the abyss below. The fate of our poor companions was no longer a matter of uncertainty. We alone had escaped from the tempest of that overwhelming destruction. We were the i>nly living white men upon the island. CHAPTER XXII. OUR situation, as it now appeared, was scarcely less dreadful than when we had conceived ourselves entombed forever. We saw before us no prospect but that of being put to death by the savages, or of dragging out a miserable existence in captivity among them. We might, to be sure, conceal ourselves for a time from their observation among the fastnesses of the hills, and, as a final resort, in the chasm from which we had just issued; but we must either perish in the long Polar winter through cold and famine, or be ultimately discovered in our ef- forts to obtain relief. The whole country around us seemed to be swarming with savages, crowds of whom, we now perceived, had come over from the islands to the southward on flat rafts, doubtless with a view of lending their aid in the capture and plunder of the Jane. The vessel still lay calmly at anchor in the bay, those on board being apparently quite unconscious of any danger awaiting them. How we longed at that moment to be with them ! either to aid A. GORDOIS PYM 163 in effecting their escape, or to perish with them in attempting a defence. We saw no chance even of warning them of their danger without bringing immediate destruction upon our own heads, with but a remote hope of benefit to them. A pistol fired might suffice to apprise them that something wrong had occur- red ; but the report could not possibly inform them that thei.- only prospect of. safety lay in getting out of the harbor forth- with it could not tell them that no principles of honor now bound them to remain, that their companions were no longer among the living. Upon hearing the discharge they could not be more thoroughly prepared to meet the foe, who were now getting ready to attack, than they already were, and always had been. No good, therefore, and infinite harm, would result from our firing, and, after mature deliberation, we forbore. Our next thought was to attempt a rush towards the vessel, to seize one of the four canoes which lay at the head of the bay, and endeavor to force a passage on board. But the utter im- possibility of succeeding in this desperate task soon became evi- dent. The country, as I said before, was literally swarming with the natives, skulking among the bushes and recesses of the hills, so as not to be observed from the schooner. In our imme- diate vicinity especially, and blockading the sole path by which we could hope to attain the shore in the proper point, were sta- tioned the whole party of the black skin warriors, with Too-wit at their head, and apparently only waiting for some re-enforce- ment to commence his onset upon the Jane. The canoes, too, which lay at the head of the bay, were manned with savages, unarmed, it is true, but who undoubtedly had arms within reach. We were forced, therefore, however unwillingly, to remain in our place of concealment, mere spectators of the conflict which presently ensued. In about half an hour we saw some sixty or seventy rafts, or flatboats, with outriggers, filled with savages, and coming round the southern bight of the harbor. They appeared to have no arms except short clubs, and stones which lay in the bottom of the rafts. Immediately afterward another detachment, still lar- ger, approached in an opposite direction, and with similar weapons. The lour cauoes, too, were now quickly filled with natives, start* 164 NARRATIVE OF ing up from the bushes at the head of the bay, and put off swiftly to join the other parties. Thus, in less time than I have taken to tell it, and as if by magic, the Jane saw herself sur- rounded by an immense multitude of desperadoes evidently bent upon capturing her at all hazards. That they would succeed in so doing could not be doubted for an instant. The six men left in the vessel, however resolutely they might engage in her defence, were altogether unequal to the proper management of the gyns, or in any manner to sus- tain a contest at such odds. I could hardly imagine that they would make resistance at all, but in this was deceived ; for presently I saw them get springs upon the cable, and bring the vessel's starboard broadside to bear upon the canoes, which by this time were within pistol range, the rafts being nearly a quar- ter of a mile to windward. Or/ing to some cause unknown, but most probably to the agitation of our poor friends at seeing themselves in so hopeless a situation, the discharge was an entire failure. Not a canoe was hit or a single savage injured, the shots striking short and ricocheting over their heads. The only effect produced upon them was astonishment at the unexpected report and smoke, which wa.5 so excessive that for some mo ments I almost thought they would abandon their design entirely, and return to the shore. And this they would most likely have done had our men followed up their broadside by a discharge of small arms, in which, as the canoes were now so near at hand, they could not have failed in doing some execution, sufficient, at least, to deter this party from a farther advance, until they could have given the rafts also a broadside. But, in place of this, they left the canoe party to recover from their panic, and, by looking about them, to see that no injury had been sustained, while they flew to the larboard to get ready for the rafts. The discharge to larboard produced the most terrible effect. The star and double-headed shot of the large guns cut seven or eight of the rafts completely asunder, and killed, perhaps, thirty or forty of the savages outright, while a hundred of them, at least, were thrown into the water, the most of them dreadfully wounded. The remainder, frightened out of their senses, com- menced at once a precipitate retreat, not even waiting to pick A. GORDON PYM. 165 np their maimed companions, who were swimming about in every direction, screaming and yelling for aid. This great suc- cess, however, came too late for the salvation of our devoted people. The canoe party were already on board the schooner to the number of more than a hundred and fifty, the most of them having succeeded in scrambling up the chains and over the boarding-nettings even before the matches had been applied to the larboard guns. Nothing could now withstand their brute rage. Our men were borne down at once, overwhelmed, trod- den under foot, and absolutely torn to pieces in an instant. Seeing this, the savages on the rafts got the better of their fears, and came up in shoals to the plunder. In five minutes the Jane was a pitiable scene indeed of havoc and tumultuous out- rage. The decks were split open and ripped up; the cordage, sails, and everything movable on deck demolished as if by magic ; while, by dint of pushing at the stern, towing with the canoes, and hauling at the sides, as they swam in thousands around the vessel, the wretches finally forced her on shore (the cable having been slipped), and delivered her over to the good orfices of Too-wit, who, during the whole of the engagement, had maintained, like a skilful general, his post of security and recon- noissance among the hills, but, now that the victory was com- pleted to his satisfaction, condescended to scamper down wit)/ his warriors of the black skin, and become a partaker in the spoils. Too-wit's descent left us at liberty to quit our hiding-place and reconnoitre the hill in the vicinity of the chasm. At about fifty yards from the mouth of it we saw a small spring of water, at which we slaked the burning thirst that now consumed us. Not far from the spring we discovered several of the filbert- bushes which I mentioned before. Upon tasting the nuts we found them palatable, and very nearly resembling in flavor tin: common English filbert. We collected our hats full immediately, deposited them within the ravine, and returned for more. While we were busily employed in gathering these, a rustling in the bushes alarmed us, and we were upon the point of stealing back to our covert, when a large black bird of the bittern species strug glingly and slowly arose above the shrubs. I was so nauoh 166 NARRATIVE OF staitled that I could do nothing, but Peters had sufficient pre- sence of mind to run up to it before it could make its escape, and seize it by the neck. Its struggles and screams were tre- mendous, and we had thoughts of letting it go, lest the noise should alarm some of the savages who might be still lurking in the neighborhood. A stab with a Bowie knife, however, at length brought it to the ground, and we dragged it into the ravine, congratulating ourselves that, at all events," we had thus obtained a supply of food enough to last us for a week. We now went out again to look about us, and ventured a con- siderable distance down the southern declivity of the hill, but met with nothing else which could serve us for food. We there- fore collected a quantity of dry wood and returned, seeing one or two large parties of the natives on their way to the village, laden with the plunder of the vessel, and who, we were appre- hensive, might discover us in passing beneath the hill. Our next care was to render our place of concealment 'as secure as possible, and, with this object, we arranged some brush- wood over the aperture which I have before spoken of as the Dim through which we saw the patch of blue sky, on reaching the platform from the interior of the chasm. We left only a very small opening, just wide enough to admit of our seeing the bay, without the risk of being discovered from below. Having done this, we congratulated ourselves upon the security of the position ; for we were now completely excluded from observa- tion, as long as we chose to remain within the ravine itself, and not venture out upon the hill. We could perceive no traces of the savages having ever been within this hollow ; but, indeed, when we came to reflect upon the probability that the lissure through which we attained it had been only just now created by the fall of the cliff opposite, and that no other way of attaining it could be perceived, we were not so much rejoiced at the thought of being secure from molestation as fearful lest there ehould be absolutely no means left us for descent. We resolved to explore* the summit of the hill thoroughly, when a good op- portunity should offer. In the mean time we watched the mo- tions of the savages through our loophole. They had already made a complete wreck of the vessel, and A. GORDON PYM. 167 were now preparing to set her on fire. In a little while we saw the smoke ascending in huge volumes from her main-hatchway, and, shortly afterward, a dense mass of flame burst up from the forecastle. The rigging, masts, and what remained of the saiL caught immediately, and the fire spread rapidly along the decks Still a great many of the savages retained their stations about her, hammering with large stones, axes, and cannon balls at the bolts and other copper and iron work. On the beach, and iu canoes and rafts, there were not less, altogether, in the imme- diate vicinity of the schooner, than ten thousand natives, besides the shoals of them who, laden with booty, were making their way inland and over to the neighboring islands. We now anticipated a catastrophe, and were not disappointed. First of all there came a smart shock (which we felt distinctly where we were as if we had been slightly galvanized), but unattended with any visible signs of an explosion. The savages were evidently start- led, and paused for an instant from their labors and veilings. They were upon the point of recommencing, when suddenly a jnass of smoke puffed up from the decks, resembling a black and neavy thunder-cloud then, as if from its bowels, arose a tall stream of vivid fire to the height, apparently, of a quarter of a mile then there came a sudden circular expansion of the flame then the whole atmosphere was magically crowded, in a single instant, with a wild chaos of wood, and metal, and hu man limbs and, lastly, came the concussion in its fullest fury, which hurled us impetuously from our feet, while the hills echoed and re-echoed the tumult, and a dense shower of the mi- nutest fragments of the ruins tumbled headlong in every direction around us. The havoc among the savages far exceeded our utmost expec- tation, and they had now, indeed, reaped the full and perfect fruits of their treachery. Perhaps a thousand perished by the explosion, while at least an equal number were desperately mangled. The whole surface of the ba^y was literally strewn with the struggling and drowning wretches, and on shore matters were even worse. They seemed utterly appalled by the sudden- ness and completeness of their discomfiture, and made no efforts ut assisting one another. A*, length we observed a total change 168 NARRATIVE OF in their demeanor. From absolute stupor, they appeared (o be, all at once, aroused to the highest pitch of excitement, and rushed wildly about, going to and from a certain point on th beach, with the strangest expressions of mingled horror, rage, and intense curiosity depicted on their countenances, and shouting, at the top of their voices, Tekeli-li ! Tekeli-li ! Presently we saw a large body go off into the hills, whence they returned in a short time, carrying stakes of wood. These they brought to the station where the crowd was the thickest, which now separated so as to afford us a view of the object of all this excitement. We perceived something white lying upon the ground, but could not immediately make out what it was. At length we saw that it was the carcass of the strange animal with the scarlet teeth and claws which the schooner had picked up at sea on the eighteenth of January. Captain Guy had had the body preserved for the purpose of stuffing the skin and taking it to England. I remember he had given some directions about it just before our making the island, and it had been brought into the cabin and stowed away in one of the lockers. It had now been thrown on shore by the explosion ; but why it had occa- sioned so much concern among the savages was more than we could comprehend. Although they crowded around the carcass at a little distance, none of them seemed willing to approach it closely. By-and-by the men with the stakes drove them in a circle around it, and, no sooner was this arrangement completed, than the whole of the vast assemblage rushed into the interior ot the island, with loud screams of Tekeli-li! Tckeli-li ! CHAPTER XXIII. DURING the six or seven days immediately following we re- mained in our hiding-place upon the hill, going out only occasion- ally, and then with the greatest precaution, for water and filberts., We had made a kind of pent-house on the platform, furnishing it with a bed of dry leaves, and placing in it three large flat stones. A. GORDON PYM. 169 which served us for both fire-place and table. We kindled a fire without difficulty by rubbing two pieces of dry wood together the one soft, the other hard. The bird we had taken in such good season proved excellent eating, although somewhat tough. It was not an oceanic fowl, but a species of bittern, with jet black and grizzly plumage, and diminutive wings in proportion to its bulk. We afterward saw three of the same kind in the vicinity of the ravine, apparently seeking for the one we had captured ; but, as they never alighted, we had no opportunity of uatching them. As long as this fowl lasted we suffered nothing from our situa- tion but it was now entirely consumed, and it became absolutely necessary that we should look out for provision. The filberts would not satisfy the cravings of hunger, afflicting us, too, with severe gripings of the bowels, and, if freely indulged in, with violent headache. We had seen several large tortoises near the seashore to the eastward of the hill, and perceived they might be easily taken, if we could get at them without the observation of the natives. It was resolved, therefore, to make an attempt at descending. We commenced by going down the southern declivity, which seemed to offer the fewest difficulties, but had not proceeded a hundred yards before(as we had anticipated from appearance.s on the hill-top) our progress was entirely arrested by a branch of the gorge in which our companions had perished. We now passed along the edge of this for about a quarter of a mile, when we were again stopped by a precipice of immense depth, and, not being able to make our way along the brink of it, we were forced to retrace our steps by the main ravine. We now pushed over to the eastward, but, with precisely simi- lar fortune. After an hour's scramble, at the risk of breaking our necks, we discovered that we had merely descended into a vast pit of black granite, with fine dust at the bottom, and whence the only egress was by the rugged path in which we had come down. Toiling again up this path, we now tried the northern edge of the hill. Here we were obliged to use the greatest pos- sible caution in our manoeuvres, as the Jeast indiscretion would expose us to the full view of the savages in the village. We 170 NARRATIVE OF crawled along, therefore, on our hands and knees, and, occasion, ally, were even forced to throw ourselves at full length, dragging our bodies along by means of the shrubbery. In this careful manner we had proceeded but a little way, when we arrived at a chasm far deeper than any we had yet seen, and leading directly into the main gorge. Thus our fears were fully confirmed, and we found ourselves cut off entirely from access to the world be- low. Thoroughly exhausted by our exertions, we made the best of our way back to the platform, and, throwing ourselves upon the bed of leave?, slept sweetly and soundly for some hours. For several days after this fruitless search we were occupied in exploring every part of the summit of the hill, in order to in- form ourselves of its actual resources. We found that it would afford us no food, with the exception of the unwholesome filberts, and a rank species of scurvy grass which grew in a little patch of not more than four rods square, and would be soon exhausted. On the fifteenth of February, as near as I can remember, there was not a blade of this left, and the nuts were growing scarce ; our situation, therefore, could hardly be more lamentable.* On the sixteenth we again went round the walls of our prison, in hope of finding some avenue of escape ; but to no purpose. We also descended the chasm in which we had been overwhelmed, with the faint expectation of discovering, through this channel, some opening to the main ravine. Here, too, we were disap- pointed, although we found and brought up with us a musket. On the seventeenth we set out with the determination of ex- amining more thoroughly the chasm of black granite into which we had made our way in the first search. We remembered that one of the fissures in the sides of this pit had been but partially looked into, and we were anxious to explore it, although with no expectation of discovering here any opening. We found no great difficulty in reaching the bottom of the hollow as before, and were now sufficiently calm to survey it with some attention. It was, indeed, one of the most singular looking places imaginable, and we could scarcely bring ourselves 10 believe it altogether the work of nature. The pit, from its * This day was rendered remarkable by our observing in the south severa' huire wreaths of the grayish vapor I have before spoken of A. GORDON PVM 171 eastern to its western extremity, was about five hundred yards in length, when all its windings were threaded ; the distance from east to west in a straight line not being more (I should suppose, having no means of accurate examination) than forty or fifty yards. Upon first descending into the chasm, that is to say, for a hundred feet downward from the summit of the hill, the sides of the aby*s bore little resemblance to each other, and, apparently, had at no time been connected, the one surface being of the soap- stone, and the other of marl, granulated with some metallic mat ter. The average breadth, or interval between the two cliffs, was probably here sixty feet, but there seemed to be no regular- ity of formation. Passing down, however, beyond the limit spoken of, the interval rapidly contracted, and the sides began to run parallel, although for some distance farther, they were still dissimilar in their material and form of surface. Upon arriving within fifty feet of the bottom, a perfect regularity commenced. The sides were now entirely uniform in substance, in color, and in lateral direction, the material being a very black and shining granite, and the distance between the two sides, at all points, fa- cing each other, exactly twenty yards. The precise formation of the chasm will be best understood by means of a delineation taken upon the spot ; for I had luckily with me a pocket-book and . pencil, which I preserved with great care through a long series of subsequent adventure, and to which I am indebted for memo- randa of many subjects which would otherwise have been crowd- ed from my remembrance. Figure 1. 172 NARRATIVE OF This figure (see figure 1) gives the general outlines of the chasm, without the minor cavities in the sides, of which there were several, each cavity having a corresponding protuberance opposite. The bottom of the gulf was covered to the depth of three or four inches with a powder almost impalpable, beneath which we found a continuation of the black granite. To the right, at the lower extremity, will be noticed the appearance of a small opening ; this is the fissure alluded to above, and to exam- ine which more minutely than before was the object of our second visit. We now pushed into it with vigor, cutting away a quantity of brambles which impeded us, and removing a vast heap of sharp flints somewhat resembling arrowheads in shape. We were en- couraged to persevere, however, by perceiving some little light proceeding from the farther end. We at length squeezed our way for about thirty feet, and found that the aperture was a low and regularly-formed arch, having a bottom of the same impalpa- ble powder as that in the main chasm. A strong light now broke upon us, and, turning a short bend, we found ourselves in an- other lofty chamber, similar to the one we had left in every respect but longitudinal form. Its general figure is here given. fSee figure 2.) Figure 2. The total length of this chasm, commencing at the opening a and proceeding round the curve b to the extremity d, is five hun- dred and fifty yards. At c we discovered a small aperture simi- Itii 'o the one through which we had issued from the other chasm, A. GORDON PYM. 173 and this was choked up in the same manner with brambles and a quantity of the white arrowhead flints. We forced our way through it, finding it about forty feet long, and emerged into a third chasm. This, too, -was precisely like the first, except in iU longitudinal shape, which was thus. (See figure 3.) Figure 3. Figure 5. We found the entire length of the third chasm throe hundred and twenty yards. At the point a was an opening about six feet wide, and extending fifteen feet into the rock, where it termina- ted in a bed of marl, there being no other chasm beyond, as we had expected. We were about leaving this fissure, into which very little light was admitted, when Peters called my attention to a range of singular looking indentures in the surface of the marl forming the termination of the cul-de-sac. With a very slight exertion of the imagination, the left, or most northern of these in- dentures might have been taken for the intentional, although rude, representation of a human figure standing erect, with out- stretched arm. The rest of them bore also some little resemb lance to alphabetical characters, and Peters was willing, at all events, to adopt the idle opinion that they were really such. I convinced him of his error, finally, by directing his attention to the floor of the fissure, where, among the powder, \ve picked up, piece by piece, several large flakes of the marl, which had evi- dently been broken off by some convulsion from the surface where the indentures were found, and which had projecting points exactly fitting the indentures ; thus proving them to have been the work of nature. Figure 4, presents an accurate copy of the 174 NARRATIVE OF Figure 4. After satisfying ourselves that these singular caverns afforded us no means of escape from our prison, we made our way back, dejected and dispirited, to the summit of the hill. Nothing worth mentioning occurred during the next twenty-four. hours, except that, in examining the ground to the eastward of the third chasm, we found two triangular holes of great depth, and also with black granite sides. Into these holes we did not think it worth while to attempt descending, as they had the appearance of mera natural wells, without outlet. They were each about twenty yards in circumference, and their shape, as well as relative posi- tion in regard to the third chasm, is shown in figure 5, preceding page. CHAPTER XXIII. ON the twentieth of the month, finding it altogether impossi- ble to subsist any longer upon the filberts, the use of which occasioned us the most excruciating torment, we resolved to make a desperate attempt at descending the southern declivity of the. hill. The face of the precipice was here of the softest species of soapstone, although nearly perpendicular throughout its whole extent (a depth of a hundred and fifty feet at the least), and in many places even overarching. After long search we discovered a narrow ledge about twenty feet below the brink of the gulf; upon this Peters contrived to leap, with what assistance I could render him by means of our pocket-handkerchiefs tied together A. GORDON PYM. 175 With somewhat more difficulty I also got down ; and wo then saw the possibility of descending the whole way by the process in which we had clambered up from the chasm when we had been buried by the fall of the hill that is, by cutting steps in the face of the soapstone with our knives. The extreme haxard of the attempt can scarcely be conceived ; but, us there was no other resource, we determined to undertake it. Upon the ledge where we stood there grew some filbert-bushes ; and to one of these we made fast an end of our rope of handker- chiefs. The other end being tied round Peters's waist, I lowered him down over the edge of the precipice until the handkerchiefs were stretched tight. He now proceeded to dig a deep hole in the soapstone (as far in as eight or ten inches), sloping away the rock above to the height of a foot, or thereabout, so as to allow of his driving, with the butt of a pistol, a tolerably strong peg into the levelled surface. I then drew him up for about four feet, when he made a hole similar to the one below, driving iu a peg as before, and having thus a resting-place for both feet and hands. I now unfastened the handkerchiefs from the bush, throwing him the end, which he tied to the peg in the uppermost hole, letting himself down gently to a station about three feet lower than he had yet been, that is, to the full extent of the handkerchiefs. Here he dug another hole, and drove another peg. He then drew himself "up, so as to rest his feet in the hole just cut, taking hold with his hands upon the peg in the one above. It was now necessary to untie the handkerchiefs from the topmost peg, with the view of fastening them to the second ; and here he found that an error had been committed in cutting the holes at so great a distance apart. However, after one or two unsuccessful and dangerous attempts at reaching the knot (having to hold on with his left hand while he labored to undo the fastening with his right), he at length cut the string, leaving six inches of it affixed to the peg. Tying the handkerchiefs now to the second peg, he descended to a station below the third, taking care not to go too far down. By these means (means which I should never have conceived of myself, and for which we were indebted altogether to Peters's ingenuity and resolution) 176 NARRATIVE OF my companion finally succeeded, with the occasional aid of pro- jections in the cliflf, in reaching the bottom Avithout accident. It was some time before I could summon sufficient resolution to follow him ; but I did at length attempt it. Peters had taken off his shirt before descending, and this, with my own, formed the rope necessary for the adventure. After throwing down the musket found in the chasm, I fastened this rope to the bushes, and let myself down rapidly, striving, by the vigor of my move- ments, to banish the trepidation which I could overcome in no other manner. This answered sufficiently well for the first four or five steps ; but presently I found my imagination growing ter- ribly excited by thoughts of the vast depth yet to be descended, and the precarious nature of the pegs and soapstone holes which were my only support. It was in vain I endeavored to banish these reflections, and to keep my eyes steadily bent upon th^ .flat surface of the cliff before me. The more earnestly I Strug gled not to think, the more intensely vivid became my concep- tions, and the more horribly distinct. At length arrived that crisis of fancy, so fearful in all similar cases, the crisis in which we begin to anticipate the feelings with which we shall fall to picture to ourselves the sickness, and dizziness, and the last struggle, and the half swoon, and the final bitterness of the rush- ing and headlong descent. And now I found these fancies crea- ting their own realities, and all imagined horrors crowding upon me in fact. I felt my knees strike violently together, while my fingers were gradually yet certainly relaxing their grasp. There was a ringing in my ears, and I said, " This is my knell of death !" And now 1 was consumed with the irrepressible desire of looking below. I could not, I would not, confine my glances to the cliff; and, with a wild, indefinable emotion, half of horror, half of a relieved oppression, I threw my vision far down into the abyss. For one moment my fingers clutched convulsively upon their hold, while, with the movement, the faintest possible idea of ultimate escape wandered, like a shadow, through my mind in the next my whole soul was pervaded with a longing to fall ; a desire, a yearning, a passion utterly uncontrollable. I. let go at once my grasp upon the peg, and, turning half round from the precipice, remained tottering for an instant against its A. GORDON PYM. 177 naked face. But now there came a spinning of the brain ; a shrill-sounding and phantom voice screamed within my ears ; a dusky, fiendish, and filmy figure stood immediately beneath me; and. sighing, I sunk down with a bursting heart, and plunged within its arms. I had swooned, and Peters had caught me as I fell. He had observed my proceedings from his station at the bottom of the cliff"; and perceiving my imminent danger, had endeavored to inspire me with courage by every suggestion he could devise; although my confusion of mind had been so great as to preveni my hearing what he said, or being conscious that he had even spoken to me at all. At length, seeing me totter, he hastened to ascend to my rescue, and arrived just in time for my preserva- tion. Had I fallen with my full weight, the rope of linen would inevitably have snapped, and I should have been precipitated into the abyss ; as it was, he contrived to let me down gently, so as to remain suspended without danger until animation re- turned. This was in about fifteen minutes. On recovery, my trepidation had entirely vanished ; I felt a new being, and, with some little further aid from my companion, reached the bottom also in safety. We now found ourselves not far from the ravine which had proved the tomb of our friends, and to the southward of the spot where the hill had fallen. The place was one of singular wild- ness, and its aspect brought to my mind the descriptions given by travellers of those dreary regions marking the site of degraded Babylon. Not to speak of the ruins of the disruptured cliff, which formed a chaotic barrier in the vista to the northward, the surface of the ground in every other direction was strewn with huge tumuli, apparently the wreck of some gigantic structures of art ; although, in detail, no semblance of art could be de- tected. Scoria were abundant, and large shapeless blocks of the black granite, intermingled with others of marl,* and both granulated with metal. Of vegetation there were no traces whatsoever throughout the whole of the desolate area within sight. Several immense scorpions were seen, and various rep- tiles not elsewhere to be found in the high latitudes. * The marl was also black ; indeed, we noticed no light-colored suit- ilances of any kind upon the island. 178 NARRATIVE OF As food was our most immediate object, we resolved to make our way to the sea-coast, distant not more than half a mile, with a view of catching turtle, several of which we had observed from our place of concealment on the hill. We had proceeded some hundred yards, threading our route cautiously between the huge rocks and tumuli, when, upon turning a corner, five savages eprung upon us from a small cavern, felling Peters to the ground with a blow from a club. As he fell the whole party rushed up- on him to secure their victim, leaving me time to recover from my astonishment. I still had the musket, but the barrel had received so much injury in being thrown from the precipice that I cast it aside as useless, preferring to trust my pistols, which had been carefully preserved in order. With these I advanced upon the assailants, firing one after the other in quick succession. Two savages fell, and one, who was in the act of thrusting a spear into Peters, sprung to his feet without accomplishing his purpose. My companion being thus released, we had no further difficulty. He had his pistols also, but prudently declined using them, confi- ding in his great personal strength, which far exceeded that of any person I have ever known. Seizing a club from one of the savages who had fallen, he dashed out the brains of the three who remained, killing each instantaneously with a single blow of the weapon, and leaving us completely masters of the field. So rapidly had these events passed, that we could scarcely be lieve in their reality, and were standing over the bodies of the dead in a species of stupid contemplation, when we were brought to recollection by the sound of shouts in the distance. It was clear that the savages had been alarmed by the firing, and that we had little chance of avoiding discovery. To regain the cliff, it would be necessary to proceed in the direction of the shouts ; and even should we succeed in arriving at its base, we should never be able to ascend it without being seen. Our situation was one of the greatest peril, and we were hesitating in which path to com- mence a flight, when one of the savages whom I had shot, and bupposed dead, sprang briskly to his feet, and attempted to make his escape. We overtook him, however, before he had advanced many paces, and were about to put him to death, when Peters suggested that we might derive some benefit from forcing him to A. GORDON PYM. 179 accompany us in our attempt at escape. We therefore dragged him with us, making him understand that we would shoot him if he offered resistance. In a few minutes he was perfectly sub- missive, and ran by our sides as we pushed in among the rocks, making for the sea-shore. So far, the irregularities of the ground we had been traversing hid the sea, except at intervals, from our sight, and, when we first had it fairly in view, it was, perhaps, two hundred yards distant. As we emerged into the open beach we saw, to our great dismay, an immense crowd of the natives pouring from the village, and from all visible quarters of the island, making towards us with gesticulations of extreme fury, and howling like wild beasts. We were upon the point of turning upon our steps, and trying to secure a retreat among the fastnesses of the rougher ground, when I discovered the bows of two canoes projecting from behind a large rock which ran out into the water. Towards these we now ran with all speed, and, reaching them, found them unguarded, and without any other freight than three of the large Gallipago turtles and the usual supply of paddles for sixty rowers. We instantly took possession of one of them, and, forcing our captive on board, pushed out to sea with all the strength we could command, We had not made, however, more than fifty yards from the shore before we became sufficiently calm to perceive the great oversight of which we had been guilty in leaving the other canoe in the power of the savages, who, by this time, were not more than twice as far from the beach as ourselves, and were rapidly advancing to the pursuit. No time was now to be lost. Our hope was, at best, a forlorn one, but we had none other. It was very doubtful whether, with the utmost exertion, we could get back in time to anticipate them in taking possession of the canoe ; but yet there was a chance that we could. We might save our- selves if we succeeded, while not to make, the attempt was to re- sign ourselves to inevitable butchery. The canoe was modelled with the bow and stern alike, and, in place of turning it around, \\ e merely changed our position in paddling. As soon as the savages perceived this they redoubled tber yells, as well as their spe^d, and approached with incon- 180 NARRATIVE OF ceivflble rapidity. We pulled, however, with all the energy of desperation, and arrived, at the contested point before more than one of the natives had attained it. This man paid dearly for hn superior agility, Peters shooting him through the head with a pistol as he approached the shore. The foremost among the rest of his party wre probably some twenty or thirty paces distant as we seized upon the canoe. We at first endeavored to pull her into the deep water, beyond the reach of the savages, but, finding her too firmly aground, and there being no time to spare, Peters, with one or two heavy strokes from the butt of the musket, suc- ceeded in dashing out a large portion of the bow and of one side. We then pushed off. Two of the natives by this time had got hold of our boat, obstinately refusing to let go, until we were forced to despatch them with our knives. We were now clear off, and making great way out to sea. The main body of the savages, upon reaching the broken canoe, set up the most tre- mendous yell of rage and disappointment conceivable. In truth, from everything I could see of these wretches, they appeared to be the most wicked, hypocritical, vindictive, bloodthirsty, and altogether fiendish race of men upon the face of the globe. It is clear we should have had no mercy had we fallen into their hands. They made a mad attempt at following us in the fractured canoe, but, finding it useless, again vented their rage in a series of hi'leous vociferations, and rushed up into the hills. We were thus relieved from immediate danger, but our situa- 'ion was still sufficiently gloomy. We knew that four canoes of the kind we had were at one time in the possession of the sava- ges, and were not aware of the fact (afterward ascertained from our captive) that two of these had been blown to pieces in the explosion of the Jane Guy. We calculated, therefore, upon being yet pursued, as soon as our enemies could get round to the bay (distant about three miles) where the boats were usually laid up. Fearing this, we made every exertion to leave the island behind us, and went rapidly through the water, forcing the prison- er to take, a paddle. In about half an hour, when we had gained probably, five or six miles to the southward, a large fleet of the flut-bottomed canoes or rafts were seen to emerge from the bay, evidently with the design of pursuit. Presently they put back, g to overtake us. A. GORDON PYM. 181 CHAPTER XXIV. WE now found ourselves in the wide and desolate Antarctic Ocean, in a latitude exceeding eighty-four degrees, in a frail ca- noe, and with no provision but the three turtles. The long Polar winter, too, could not be considered as far distant, and it became necessary that we should deliberate well upon the course to be pursued. There were six or seven islands in sight belonging to the same group, and distant from each other about five or six leagues ; but upon neither of these had we any intention to ven- ture. In coming from the northward in the Jane Guy we had been gradually leaving behind us the severest regions of ice this, however little it may be in accordance with the generally received notions respecting the Antarctic, was a fact experience would not permit us to deny. To attempt, therefore, getting back, would be folly especially at so late a period of the season. Only one course seemed to be left open for hope. We resolved to steer boldly to the southward, where there was at least a probability of discovering other lands, and more than a probability of finding a still milder climate. So far we had found the Antarctic, like the Arctic Ocean, pe- culiarly free from violent storms or immoderately rough water ; but our canoe was, at best, of frail structure, although large, and we set busily to work with a view of rendering her as safe as the limited means in our possession would admit. The body of the boat was of no better material than bark the bark of a tree un- known. The ribs were of a tough osier, well adapted to the pur- pose for which it was used. We had fifty feet room from stem to stern, from four to six in breadth, and in depth throughout four feet and a half the boats thus differing vastly in shape from those of any other inhabitants of the Southern Ocean with whom civilized nations are acquainted. We never did believe them the workmanship of the ignorant islanders who owned them ; and some days afer this period discovered, by questioning our captive, that '.hey were in fact made by the natives of a group to tha 182 NARRATIVE OF southwest of the country where we found them, having fallen ac- cidentally into the hands of our barbarians. What we could do for the security of our boat was very little indeed. Several wide rents were discovered near both ends, and these we contrived to patch up with pieces of woollen jacket. With the help of the superfluous paddles, of which there were a great many, we erected & kind of framework about the bow, so as to break the force of any seas which might threaten to fill us in that quarter. We also set up two paddle-blades for masts, placing them opposite each other, one by each gunwale, thus saving the necessity of a yard. To these masts we attached a sail made of our shirts doing this with some difficulty, as here we could get no assist- ance from our prisoner whatever, although he had been willing enough to labor in all the other operations. The sight of the linen seemed to affect him in a very singular manner. He could not be prevailed upon to touch it or go near it, shuddering when we attempted to force him, and shrieking out Tekeli-li. Having completed our arrangements in regard to the security of the canoe, we now set sail to the south southeast for the pres- ent, with the view of weathering the most southerly of the group in sight. This being done, we turned the bow full to the south- ward. The weather could by no means be considered disagreea ble. We had a prevailing and very gentle wind from the north- ward, a smooth sea, and continual daylight. No ice whatever was to be seen ; nor did I ever see one particle of this after leaving the parallel of Bennetfs Islet. Indeed, the temperature of the water was here far too warm for its existence in any quantity. Having killed the largest of our tortoises, and obtained from him not only food, but a copious supply of water, we continued on our course, without any incident of moment, for peihaps seven or eight days, during which period we must have proceeded a vast distance to the southward, as the wnd blew constantly with us, and a very strong current set continually in the direction we were pursuing. March 1.* Many unusual phenomena now indicated that we * For obvious reasons I cannot pretend to strict accuracy in these dates They are given principally with a view to perspicuity of narration, and ai ot down in my pencil memoranda. A. GORDON PYM. 183 h'ere entering upon a region of novelty and wonder. A high range of light gray vapor appeared constantly in the southern horizon, flaring up occasionally in lofty streaks, now darting from east to west, now from west to east, and again presenting a level arid uniform summit in short, having all the wild variations of the Aurora Borealis. The average height of this vapor, as ap- parent from our station, was about twenty-five degrees. The temperature of the sea seemed to be increasing momentarily, and there was a very perceptible alteration in its color. March 2. To-day, by repeated questioning of our captive, we came to the knowledge of many particulars in regard to the island of the massacre, its inhabitants, and customs but with these how can I now detain the reader? I may say, however, that we learned there were eight islands in the group that they were governed by a common king, named Tsalemon or Psalemoutt, who resided in one of the smallest of the islands; that the black skins forming the dress of the warriors came from an animal of huge size to be found only in a valley near the court of the king that the inhabitants of the group fabricated no other boats than the flat-bottomed rafts ; the four canoes being all of the kind it: their possession, and these having been obtained, by mere acci- dent, from some large island in the southwest that his own name was Nu-Nu that he had no knowledge of Bennett's Is- let and that the appellation of the island we had left was TsalaL The commencement of the words Tsalemon and Tscdal was given with a prolonged hissing sound, which we found it impossible to imitate, even after repeated endeavors, and which was precisely the same with the note of the black bittern we had eaten up on the summit of the hill. March 3. The heat of the water was now truly remarkable, and its color was undergoing a rapid change, being no longer transparent, but of a milky consistency and hue. In our imme- diate vicinity it was usually smooth, never so rough as to endan- ger the canoe but we were frequently surpi-ised at perceivingj to our right and left, at different distances, sudden and extensive agitations . of the surface these, we at length noticed, were always preceded by wild flickeriags in the region of vapor to the Southward. 184 NARRATIVE OF March 4. To-day, with the view of widening our sail, the breeze from the northward dying away perceptibly, I took from my coat-pocket a white handkerchief. Nu-Nu was seated at my elbow, and the linen accidentally flaring in his face, he became violently affected with convulsions. These were succeeded by drowsiness and stupor, and low murmurings of Tekeli-li ! Teke- li-li ! March 5. The wind had entirely ceased, but it was evident that we were still hurrying on to the southward, under the influ- ence of a powerful current. And now, indeed, it would seem reasonable that we should experience some alarm at the turn events were taking but we felt none. The countenance of Pe- ters indicated nothing of this nature, although it wore at times an expression I could not fathom. The Polar winter appeared to be coming on but coming without its terrors. I felt a numbness of body and mind a dreaminess of sensation but this was all. March 6. The gray vapor had now arisen many more de- grees above the horizon, and was gradually losing its grayness of tint. The heat of the water was extreme, even unpleasant to the touch, and its milky hue was more evident than ever. To- day a violent agitation of the water occurred very close to the canoe. It was attended, as usual, with a wild flaring up of the vapor at its summit, and a momentary division at its base. A tine white powder, resembling ashes but certainly not such fell over the canoe and over a large surface of the water, as the flickering died away among the vapor and the commotion subsi- ded in the sea. Nu-Nu now threw himself on his face in the bottom of the boat, and no persuasions could induce him to arise. March 7. This day we questioned Nu-Nu concerning the motives of his countrymen in destroying our companions ; but he appeared to be too utterly overcome by terror to afford us any rational reply. He still obstinately lay in the bottom of the boat ; and, upon our reiterating the questions as to the motive made use only of idiotic gesticulations, such as raising with his forefinger the upper lip, and displaying the teeth which lay be- neath it. These were black. We had never before seen the teeth of an inhabitant of Tsalal. March 8. To-day there flowed by us one of the white ani A. GORDON PYM. 185 mals whose appearance upon the beach at Tsalal had occasioned so wild a commotion among the savages. I would have picked it up, but there came over me a sudden listlessness, and I for- bore. The heat of the water still increased, and the hand could no longer be endured within it. Peters spoke little, and I knew not what to think of his apathy. Nu-Nu breathed, and no more. March 9. The whole ashy material fell now continually around us, and in vast quantities. The range of vapor to the southward had arisen prodigiously in the horizon, and began to assume more distinctness of form. I can liken it to nothing but a limitless cataract, rolling silently into the sea from some im- mense and far-distant rampart in the heaven. The gigantic cur- tain ranged along the whole extent of the southern horizon. It emitted no sound. March 21. A sullen darkness now hovered above us bui from out the milky depths of the ocean a luminous glare arose, and stole up along the bulwarks of the boat. We were nearly overwhelmed by the white ashy shower which settled upon u& and upon the canoe, but melted into the water as it fell. The summit of the cataract was utterly lost in the dimness and the distance. Yet we were evidently approaching it 'with a hideous velocity. At intervals there were visible in it wide, yawning, but momentary rents, and fron* out these rents, within which was a chaos of flitting and indistinct images, there came rushing and mighty, but soundless winds, tearing up the enkindled ocean in their course. March 22. The darkness had materially increased, relieved only by the glare of the water thrown back from the white cur- tain before us. Many gigantic and pallidly white birds flew con- tinuously now from beyond the veil, and their scream was the eternal Tekeli-li! as they retreated from our vision. Hereupon Nu-Nu stirred in the bottom of the boat; but, upon touching him, we found his spirit departed. And now we rushed into the embraces of the cataract, where a chasm threw itself open to re- ceive us. But there arose in our pathway a shrouded human figure, very far larger in its proportions than any dweller among men. And the hue of the skin of the figure was of the perfect whiteness of the snow. NOTE THE circumstances connected with the late sudden and distressing death of Mr. Pym, are already well known to the public through the medium of the daily press. It is feared that the few remaining chapters which were to have completed his narrative, and which were retained by him, while the above were in type, for the purpose of revision, have been irrecoverably lost through the accident by which he perished himself. This, however, may prove not to be the case, and the papers, if ultimately found, will be given to the public. ^ No means have been left untried to remedy the deficiency. The gentle- man whose name is mentioned in the preface, and who, from the statement there made, might be supposed able to fill the vacuum, has declined the task this, for satisfactory reasons connected with the general inaccuracy of the details afforded him, and his disbelief in the entire truth of the latter portions of the narration. Peters, from whom some information might be expected, is still alive, and a resident of Illinois, but cannot be met with at present. He may hereafter be found, and will, no doubt, afford material for a conclusion of Mr. Pym's account. The loss of two or three final chapters (for there were but two or three,) is the more deeply to be regretted, as, it cannot be doubted, they contained matter relative to the Pole itself, or at least to regions in its very near prox- imity ; and as, too, the statements of the author in relation to these regions may shortly be verified or contradicted by means of the governmental expe- dition now preparing for the Southern Ocean. On one point in the Narrative some remarks may well be offered ; and it would afford the writer of this appendix much pleasure if what he may nere observe should have a tendency to throw credit, in any degree, unon JNOTE. 187 the \ery singular pages now published. We allude to the chasms found in the island of Tsalal, and to the whole of the figures upon pages 171, 172, 173, 174. Mr. Pym has given the figures of the chasms without comment, and speaks decidedly of the indentures found at the extremity of the most east- erly of these chasms as having but a fanciful resemblance to alphabetical characters, and, in short, as being positively not such. This assertion a made in a manner so simple, and sustained by a species of demonstration so conclusive viz., (the fitting of the projections of the fragments found among the dust into the indentures upon the wall,) that we are forced to believe the writer in earnest ; and no reasonable reader should suppose otherwise. But as the facts in relation to all the figures are most singular (especially when taken in connection with statements made in the body of the narrative,) it may be as well to say a word or two concerning them all this, too, the more especially as the facts in question have, beyond doubt, escaped the attention of Mr. Poe. Figure 1, then, figure 2, figure 3, and figure 5, when conjoined with one another in the precise order which the chasms themselves presented, and when deprived of the small lateral branches or arches (which, it will be remembered; served only as a means of communication between the main chambers, and were of totally distinct character,) constitute an Ethi- opian verbal root the root Jl \^^* " T be shady" whence all th* inflections of shadow or darkness. In regard to the " left or most northwardly" of the indentures in figure 4 it is more than probable that the opinion of Peters was correct, and tha/ the hicroglyphical appearance was really the work of art, and intended a the representation of a human form. The delineation is before the reader, and he may, or may not, perceive the resemblance suggested ; but the rest of the indentures afford strong confirmation of Peters's idea. The upper range is evidently the Arabic verbal root t/ XSTLAQ " To be white," whence all the inflections of brilliancy and whiteness. The lower range is not so immediately perspicuous. The characters are somewhat broken and disjointed ; nevertheless, it cannot be doubted that, in their perfect state, they formed the full Egyptian word YL &^f YPHC" The re g> on of the south." It should be observed that these interpretations confirm tha opinion of Peters in regard to the " most northwardly" of the figures The arm is outstretched towards the south. Conclusions such as these open a wide field for speculation and exciting conjecture. They should be regarded, perhaps, in connection with some of the most faintly-detailed incidents of the narrative: although in no visi- ble manner is this chain of connection complete. Tekeli-li ! was the cry of the affrighted natives of Tsalal upon discovering the carcass of the white animal picked up at sea. This also was the shuddering exclamation of tho 188 NOTE. captive Tsalalian upon encountering the white materials in possession of Mr. Pym. This also was the shriek of the swift-flying, while, and gigai:tic birds which issued from the vapory white curtain of the South. Nothing white was to be found at Tsalal, and nothing otherwise in the subsequent voyage to the region beyond. It is not impossible that " Tsalal," the ap- pellation of the island of the chasms, may be found, upon minute philolo- gical scrutiny, to betray either some alliance with the chasms themselves, or some reference to the Ethiopian characters so mysteriously written in their windings. " / have graven it within the hills, and my vengeance upon the dust icit/tin the rock." MISCELLANIES. THE SYSTEM DOCTOR TARE AND PROFESSOR FETHER DURING the autumn of 18 , while on a tour through the extreme Southern provinces of France, my route led me within a few miles of a certain Maison de Sante, or private Mad House, about which I had "heard much, in Paris, from my medical friends. As I had never visited a place of the kind, I thought the opportunity too good to be lost ; and so proposed to my trav- elling companion, (a gentleman with whom I had made casual acquaintance a few days before,) that we should turn aside, for an hour or so, and look through the establishment. To this he objected pleading haste, in the first place, and, in the second, a very usual horror at the sight of a lunatic. He begged me, how- ever, not to let any mere courtesy towards himself interfere with the gratification of my curiosity, and said that he would ride on leisurely, so that I might overtake him during the day, or, at all events, during the next. As he bade me good-by, I bethought me that there might be some difficulty in obtaining access to the premises, and mentioned my fears on this point. He replied that, in fact, unless I had personal knowledge of the superintend- ent, Monsieur Maillard, or some credential in the way of a letter, a difficulty might be found to exist, as the regulations of these private mad-houses were more rigid than the public hospital laws. For himself, he added, he had, some years since, made the ac- quaintance of Maillard, and would so far assist me as to ride up 192 THE SYSTEM OF DR. TAHR AND PROF. FETHLR. to the door and introduce me ; although his feelings on the sub- ject of lunacy would not permit of his entering the house. I thanked him, and, turning from the main-road, we entered a grass-grown by-path, which, in half an hour, nearly lost itself iu a dense forest, clothing the base of a mountain. Through this dank and gloomy wood we rode some two miles, when the Maison de Sante came in view. It was a fantastic diateau, much dilapi- dated, and indeed scarcely tenantable through age and neglect. Its aspect inspired me with absolute dread, and, checking my horse, I half resolved to turn back. I soon, however, grew ashamed of my weakness, and proceeded. As we rode up to the gate-way, I perceived it slightly open, and the visage of a man peering through- In an instant after- ward, this man came forth, accosted my companion by name, shook him cordially by the hand, and begged him to alighf. It was Monsieur Maillard himself. He was a portly, fine-looking gentleman of the old school, with a polished manner, and a cer- tain air of gravity, dignity, and authority which was very impres- sive. My friend, having presented me, mentioned my desire to in- spect the establishment, and received Monsieur Maillard's assur- ance that he would show me all attention, now took leave, and I saw him no more. When he had gone, the superintendent ushered me- into a small and exceedingly neat parlor, containing among other indi- cations of refined taste, many books, drawings, pots of flowers, and musical instruments. A cheerful fire blazed upon the hearth. At a piano, singing an aria from Bellini, sat a young and very beautiful woman, who, at my entrance, paused in her song, and received me .with graceful courtesy. Her voice was low, and her whole manner subdued. I thought, too, that I perceived the traces of sorrow in her countenance, which was excessively, al- thotigh to my taste, not unpleasingly pale. She was attired in deep mourning, and excited in my bosom a feeling of mingled respect, interest, and admiration. I had heard, at Paris, that the institution of Monsieur Maillard was managed upon what is vulgarly termed the "system of soothing" that all punishments were avoided that even con THE SYSTEM OF DR. TARR AND PROF. FETHF.R. 193 finement was seldom resorted to that the patients, while sec-retly watched, were left much apparent liberty, and that most of them were permitted to roam about the house and grounds, in the or- dinary apparel of persons in right- mind. Keeping these impressions in view, I was cautious in what I said before the young lady ; for I could not be sure that she was sane ; and, in fact, there was a certain restless brilliancy about her eyes which half led me to imagine she was not. 1 confined my remarks, therefore, to general topics, and to such as I thought would not be displeasing or exciting even to a lunatic. She re- plied in a perfectly rational manner to all that I said ; and even her original observations were marked with the soundest good sense ; but a long acquaintance witty the metaphysics of mania, had taught me to put no faith in such evidence of sanity, and I contkiued to practice, throughout the interview, the caution with which I commenced it. Presently a smart footman in livery brought in a tray with fruit, wine, and other refreshments, of which I partook, the lady soon afterwards leaving the room. As she departed I turned my eyes in an inquiring manner towards my host. " No," he said, " oh, no a member of my family my niece, and a most accomplished woman." " I beg a thousand pardons for the suspicion," I replied, " but of course you will know how to excuse me. The excellent ad- ministration of your affairs here is well understood in Paris, and I thought it just possible, you know " " Yes, yes say no more or rather it is myself who should thank you for the commendable prudence you have displayed. \Ve seldom find so much of forethought in young men ; and, more than once, some unhappy contre-temps has occurred in conse- quence of thoughtlessness on the. part of our visitors. While my former system was in operation, and my patients were permitted the privilege of roaming to and fro at will, they were often aroused to a dangerous frenzy by injudicious persons who called to inspect the house. Hence I was obliged to enforce a rigid olutely barbaric. There were meats enough to have feasted the Anakim. Never, in all my life, had I witnessed so lavish, so wasteful an expendi- ture of the good tilings of life. There seemed very little taste, however, in the arrangements ; and my eyes, accustomed to quiet lights, were sadly offended by the prodigious glare of a multitude of wax candles, which, in silver candelabra, were deposited upon the table, and all about the room, wherever it was possible to find a place. There were several active servants in attendance ; and, upon a large table, at the farther end of the apartment, were seated seven or eight people with fiddles, fifes, trombones, and a drum. These fellows annoyed me very much, at intervals, during the repast, by an infinite variety of noises, which were intended for music, and which appeared to afford much enter- tainment to all present, with the exception of myself. Upon the whole, I could not help thinking that there was much of the bizarre about every thing I saw but then the world is made up of all kinds of persons, with all modes of thought, and all sorts of conventional customs. I had travelled, too, so much as to.be quite an adept in the nil admirari ; so I took my seat very coolly at the right hand of my host, and, having an excel- ent appetite, did justice to the good cheer set before me. The conversation, in the mean time, was spirited and general. The ladies, as usual, talked a great deal. I soon found that nearly all the company were well educated ; and my host was a world of good-humored anecdote in himself. He seemed quite M'illing to speak of his position as superintendent of a Maison de Sante ; and, indeed, the topic of lunacy was, much to my sur- prise, a favorite one with all present. A great many amusing stories were told, having reference to the whims of the patients. " We had a fellow here once." said a fat little gentleman, who 198 THE SYSTEM OF DR. TARR AND PROF.. FETHER. sat at my right '' a fellow that fancied himself a tea-pot ; and, by the way, is it not especially singular how often this particular crotchet has entered the brain of the lunatic ? There is scarcely an irsane asylum in France which cannot supply a human tea- pot. Our gentleman was a Britannia-ware tea-pot, and was careful to polish himself every morning with buckskin and whi ting." '' And then," said a lall man, just opposite, " we had here, not long ago, a person who had taken it into his head that he was a donkey which, allegorically speaking, you will say, was quite true. He was a troublesome patient; and we had much ado to keep him within bounds. For a long time he would eat nothing but thistles ; but of this idea we soon cured him by insisting upon his eating nothing else. Then he was perpetually kicking out hin heels so so " " Mr. De Kock ! I will thank you to behave yourself!" here interrupted an old lady, who sat next to the speaker. " Please keep your feet to yourself! You have spoiled my brocade ! Is it necessary, pray, to illustrate a remark in so practical a style ? Our friend, here, can surely comprehend you without all this. Upon my word, you are nearly as great a donkey as the poor unfortunate imagined himself. Your acting is very natural, as I live." " Mille pardons ! Mam'sette ! " replied Monsieur De Kock, thus addressed " a thousand pardons ! I had no intention of offending. Ma'mselle Laplace Monsieur De Kock will do himself the honor cf taking wine with you." Here Monsieur De Kock bowed low, kissed his hand with much ceremony, and took wine with Ma'mselle Laplace. " Allow me, mon ami" now said Monsieur Maillard, address- ing myself, " allow me to send you a morsel of this veal a la St. Menehoult you will find it particularly fine." At this instant three sturdy waiters had just succeeded in de- positing safely upon the table an enormous dish, or trencher, containing what I supposed to be the " monstru/n, horrendum, informe, ingens, cui lumen ademptum." A closer scrutiny assured me, however, that it was only a small calf i-oasted whole, and set THE SYSTEM OF DR. TARR AND JROF. FETHER. 199 ipon its knees, with an apple in its mouth, as is the English fashion of dressing a hare. " Thank you, no," I replied ; " to say the truth, I am not par- ticularly partial to veal a la St. what is it ? for I do not find that it altogether agrees with me. I will change my plate, how- ever, and try some of t-he rabbit." There were several side-dishes on the table, containing what appeared to be the ordinary French rabbit a \ory delicious morceau, which I can recommend. " Pierre," cried the host, " change this gentleman's plate, and give him a side-piece of this rabbit au-chdt." 4i This what ?" said I. " This rabbit au-chdt" " Why, thank you upon second thoughts, no. I will ju help myself to some of the ham." There is no knowing what one eats, thought I to myself, at the tables of these people of the province. I will have none of their rabbit au-chdt and, for the matter of that, none of their cat-aii' rabbit either. " And then," said a cadaverous-looking personage, near the foot of the table, taking up the thread of the conversation where it had been broken off " and then, among other oddities, we had a patient, once upon a time, who very pertinaciously maintained himself to be a Cordova cheese, and went about, with a knife in his hand, soliciting his friends to try a small slice from the middle of his leg." He was a great fool, beyond doubt,'' interposed some one, " but not to be compared with a certain individual whom we all know, with the exception of this strange gentleman. I mean the man who took himself for a bottle of champagne, and always went off with a pop and a fizz, in this fashion." Here the speaker, very rudely, as I thought, put his right thumb in his left cheek, withdrew it with a sound resembling the popping of a cork, and then, by a dexterous movement of the tongue upon the teeth, created a sharp hissing and fizzing, which lasted for several minutes, in imitation of the frothing of cham- pagne. This behavior, I saw plainly, was not very pleasing to Monsieur Maillard ; but that gentleman said nothing, and the C'.nversation wa? resumed by a very lean little man in a big wig 200 THE SYSTEM OF DR. TARR AND PROF. FETHER " And then there was an ignoramus," said he, " who mistook himself for a frog; which, by the way, he :esembled in i.y making you the father of a genius." Thus ended my conference with the best of men, and imrnedi 212 THE LITERARY LIFE OF THINGUM BOB, ESQ ately upon its termination, I betook myself with zeal to m^ poetical labors ; as upon these, chiefly, I founded my hopes of ultimate elevation to the editorial chair. In my first attempts at composition I found the stanzas to "The Oil-of-Bob" rather a draw-back than otherwise. Their splendor more dazzled than enlightened me. The contemplation of their excellence tended, naturally, to discourage me by comparison with my own abortions ; so that for a long time I labored in vain. At length there came into my head one of those exquisitely ori- ginal ideas which now and then will permeate the brain of a man of genius. It was this : or, rather, thus was it carried into execution. From the rubbish of an old book-stall, in a very remote corner of the town, I got together several antique and altogether unknown or forgotten volumes. The bookseller sold them to me for a song. From one of these, which purported to be a translation of one Dante's "Inferno," I copied with remark- able neatness a long passage about a man named Ugolino, who had a parcel of brats. From another which contained a good many old plays by some person whose name I forget, I extracted in the same manner, and with the same care, a great number of lines about " angels" and " ministers saying grace," and " goblins damned," and more besides of that sort. From a third, which was the composition of some blind man or other, either a Greek or a Choctaw I cannot be at the pains of remembering every trifle exactly I took about fifty verses beginning with " Achilles' wrath," and " grease," and something else. From a fourth, which I recollect was also the woi'k of a blind man, I selected a page or two all about " hail" and " holy light ;" and although a blind man has no business to write about light, still the verses were sufficiently good in their way. Having made fair copies of these poems I signed every one of them " Oppodeldoc," (a fine sonorous name,) and, doing each up nicely in a separate envelope, I despatched one to each of the four principal Magazines, with a request for speedy insertion and prompt pay. The result of this well conceived plan, however, (the success of which would have saved me much trouble in after life,) served to convince me that some editors are not to be bam- boozled, and gave the coup-de-grace fas they say in France,) tc THE LITERARY LIFE OF THINGUM BOB, ESQ. 213 my nascent hopes, (as they say in the city of the transcenden- tals.) The fact is, that each and every one of the Magazines in ques- tion, gave Mr. " Oppodeldoc" a complete using-np, in the " Monthly Notices to Correspondents." The " Hum-Drum" gave him a dressing after this fashion : " ' Oppodeldoc,' (whoever he is,) has sent us a long tirade concerning a bedlamite whom he styles " Ugolino," who had a great many children that should have been all whipped and sent to bed without their suppers. The whole affair is exceedingly tame not to say flat. ' Oppodeldoc,' (whoever he is,) is entirely devoid of imagination and imagination, in our humble opinion, is not only the soul of POESY, but also its very heart. ' Oppodeldoc,'' (whoever he is,) has the audacity to demand of us, for his twattle, a ' speedy insertion and prompt pay.' We neither insert nor purchase any stuff of the sort. There can be no doubt, however, that he would meet with a ready sale for all the balderdash he can scribble, at the office of cither the ' Rowdy- Dow,' the ' Lollipop,' or the ' Goosetherumfoodle.' " All this, it must be acknowledged, was very severe upon " Oppodeldoc" but the unkindest cut was putting the word POESY in small caps. In those five pre-eminent letters what a world of bitterness is there not involved ! But " Oppodeldoc" was punished with equal severity i the * Rowdy- Dow," which spoke thus : " We have received a most singular and insolent communication from a person, (whoever he is,) signing himself Oppodeldoc' thus desecrating the greatness of the illustrious Roman Emperor so named. Accompanying the letter of ' Oppodeldoc,' (whoever he is,) we find sundry lines of most uis- gusting and unmeaning rant about ' angels and ministers of grace') rant such as no madman short of a Nat Lee, or an ' Oppodeldoc,' could possibly perpetrate. And for this trash of trash, we are modestly requested to ' pay promptly.' No sir no! We pay for nothing of that sort. Apply to the Hum-Drum,' the ' Lollipop,' or the ; Goosetherumfoodle.' These periodicals will undoubtedly accept any literary offal you may send them and as un- doubtedly promise to pay for it." This was bitter indeed upon poor " Oppodeldoc ;" but, in thia instance, the weight of the satire falls upon the " Humdrum," the " Lollipop," and the " Goosetherumfoodle," who are pungently styled "periodicals" in Italics, too a thing that must have cu them to the heart. 214 THE LITERARY LIFE OF THINGUM BOB, ESQ. Scarcely less savage was the " Lollipop," which thus dis- coursed : " Some individual, who rejoices in the appellation ' Oppodeldoc,' (to what low uses are the names of the illustrious dead too often applied !) has p.nclosed us some fifty or sixty verses commencing after this fashion : Achilles' wrath, to Greece the direful spring Of woes unnumbered, &c., &c., &c.. &c. " Oppodeldoc.' (whoever he is.) is respectfully informed that there is not a printer's devil in our office who is not in the daily habit of composing better lines. Those of ' Oppodeldoc' will not scan. ' Oppodeldoc' should learn to count. But why he should have conceived the idea that we, (of all others, we!) would disgrace our pages with his ineffable nonsense is utterly bn- vond comprehension. Why, the absurd twattle is scarcely good enough for the ' Hum-Drum,' the ' Rowdy-Dow,' the ' Goosetherum foodie' things that are in the practice of publishing 'Myher Goose's Melodies' asorigin.il lyrics. And ' Oppodeldoc' (whoever he is ) has even the assurance to de- mand pay for this drivel. Does ' Oppodeldoc,' (whoever he is,) know is he aware that we could not be paid to insert it V As I perused this I felt myself growing gradually smaller and smaller, and when I came to the point at which the editoi sneered at the poem as " verses" there was little more than an ounce of me left. As for " Oppodeldoc," I began to experience compassion for the poor fellow. But the " Goosetherumfoodle" showed, if possible, less mercy than the " Lollipop." It was the " Goosetherumfoodle" that said : " A wretched poetaster, who signs himself ' Oppodeldoc,' is silly enough to fancy that we will print and pay for a medley of incoherent and ungrain- inatical bombast which he has transmitted to us, and which commences with the following most intelligible line : ' Hail, Holy Light ! Offspring of Heaven, first born.' " We say. ' most intelligible..' 1 ' Oppodeldoc,' (whoever he is,) will be kind enough to tell us, perhaps, how ' hair can be ' holy light ' We always re- garded it as frozen rain. Will he inform us, also, how frozen rain can be, at one and the same time, both ' holy light,' (whatever that is,) and an ' off- spring V which latter term, (if we understand any thing about English,) is only employed, with propriety, in reference to small babies of about six weeks old. But it is preposterous to descant upon such absurdity although ' Oppodeldoc,' (whoever he is,) has the unparalleled effrontery to suppose that we will not only 'insert' his ignrrant ravings, but (absolutely) pay for them ! " Now this is fine it is rich ! and we have half a mind to punish this young scribbler for his egotism by really publishing his effusion) tirbi-'im THE LITERARY LIFE OF THINGUM BOB, ESQ. 215 et literatim, as he has written it. We could inflict no punishment so severe, and we would inflict it, hut for the horedom which we should cause our read ers in so doing. " Let ' Oppodeldoc,' (whoever he is,) send any future composition of like character to the ' Hum-Drum,' the ' Lollipop,' or the ' Rowdy-Dow.' They will ' insert' it. They ' insert' every month just such stuff. Send it to them. WE are not to be insulted with impunity.'' This made an ond of me ; and as for the " Hum-Drum," tin 1 . " Rowdy- Dow," and the " Lollipop," I never could comprehend ho\v they survived it. The putting them in the smallest possible minion, (that was the rub thereby insinuating their lowness their baseness,) while WE stood looking down upon them in gigantic capitals ! oh it was too bitter ! it was wormwood it was gall. Had I been either of these periodicals I would have spared no pains to have the " Goosetherumfoodle" prosecuted. It might have been done under the Act for the " Prevention of Cruelty to Animals." As for u Oppodeldoc," (whoever he was,) I had by this time lost all patience with the fellow, and sympa- thized with him no longer. He was a fool, beyond doubt, (who- ever he was,) and got not a kick more than he deserved. The result of my experiment with the old books, convinced me, in the first place, that " honesty is the best policy," and, in the second, that if I could not write better than Mr. Dante, and the two blind men, and the rest of the old set, it would, at least, be a difficult matter to write worse. I took heart, therefore, and delermined to prosecute the " entirely original," (as they say on the covers of the magazines,) at whatever cost of study and pains. I again placed before my eyes, as a model, the brilliant stanzas on " The Oil-of-Bob" by the editor of the " Gad-Fly," and resolved to construct an Ode on the same sublime theme, in rivalry of what had already been done. With my first verse I had no material difficulty. It ran thus . " To pen an Ode upon (fie " Oil-of-Bob." Having carefully looked out, however, all the legitimate rhymes to " Bob," I found it impossible to proceed. In this dilemma I had recourse to paternal aid ; and, after some hourd of mature thought, my father and myself thus constructed the poem : 216 THE LITERARY LIFE OF THINGUM BOB, ESQ. " To pen an Ode upon the " Oil-of-Bob" Is all sorts of a job. (Signed.) SNOB. To be sure, this composition was of no very great length but I "have yet to learn" as they say in the Edinburgh Review, thai the mere extent of a literary work has any thing to do with its merit. As for the Quarterly cant about "sustained effort," it is impossible to see the sense of it. Upon the whole, therefore, I was satisfied with the success of my maiden attempt, and now the only question regarded the disposal I should make of it. My father suggested that I should send it to the " Gad-Fly" but there were two reasons which operated to prevent me from so doing. I dreaded the jealousy of the editor and I had ascer- tained that he did not pay for original contributions. I there- fore, after due deliberation, consigned the article to the more dignified pages of the " Lollipop," and awaited the event in anxiety, but with resignation. In the very next published number I had the proud satisfac- tion of seeing my poem printed at length, as the leading article, with the following significant words, prefixed in italics and be- tween brackets : [ We call the attention of our readers to the subjoined admirable stanzas on " 77te Oil of Hob." We need say noth ing of their sublimity, or of their pathos : it is impossible to peruse them without tears. Those who have been nauseated ivitha sad dose on the same august topic from the goose-quill of the editor of the " Gild-Fly" will do well to compare the two compositions. P. S. We are consumed ivith anxiety to probe the mystery ti'hicJi envelops the evident pseudonym " Snob.' 1 '' May we hope for a personal interview ?] All this was scarcely more than justice, but it was, I confess, rather more than I had expected : I acknowledged this, be it observed, to the everlasting disgrace of my country and of man- kind. I lost no time, however, in calling upon the editor of the " Lollipop," and had the good fortune to find this gentleman at home. He saluted me with an air of profound respect, slightly blended with a fatherly and patronizing admiration, wrought in him, no doubt, by my appearance of extreme youth and inexpe- rience. Begging me to be seated, he entered at once upon the subject of my poem ; but modesty will ever forbid me to repeat the thousand compliments which he lavished upon me. The THE LITERARY LIFE OF TH1NGUM BOB, ESQ. 217 eulogies of Mr. Crab, (such was the editor's name,) were, how- ever, by no means fulsomely indiscriminate. He analyzed my composition with much freedom and great ability not hesitating to point out a few trivial defects a circumstance which elevated "him highly in my esteem. The " Gad-Fly" was, of course, brought upon the tapis, and I hope never to be subjected to a criticism so searching, or to rebukes so withering, as were be- stowed by Mr. Crab upon that unhappy effusion. I had been accustomed to regard the editor of the " Gad-Fly" as something superhuman ; but Mr. Crab soon disabused me of that idea. He set the literary as well as the personal character of the Fly (so Mr. C. satirically designated the rival editor,) in its true light. He, the Fly, was very little better than he should be. He had written infamous things. He was a penny-a-liner, and a buffoon. He was a villain. He had composed a tragedy which set the whole country in a guffaw, and a farce which deluged the uni- verse in tears. Besides all this, he had the impudence to pen what he meant for a lampoon upon himself, (Mr. Crab,) and the temerity to style him " an ass." Should I at any time wish to express my opinion of Mr. Fry, the pages of the " Lollipop," Mr. Crab assured me, were at my unlimited disposal. In the meantime, as it was very certain that I would be attacked in the Fly for my attempt at composing a rival poem on the " Oil-of- Uob," he (Mr. Crab,) would take it upon himself to attend, pointedly, to my private and personal interests. If I were not made a man of at once, it should not be the fault of himself, (Mr. Grab.) Mr. Crab having now paused in his discourse, (the latter por- tion of which I found it impossible to comprehend,) I ventured to suggest something about the remuneration which I had been taught to expect for my poem, by an announcement on the cover of the ''Lollipop," declaring that it, (the "Lollipop,") "insisted upon being permitted to pay exorbitant prices for all accepted contributions ; frequently expending more money foi a single lirief poem than the whole annual cost of the 'Hum-Drum,' the ' Rowdy-Dow,' and the ' Goosetherumfoodle' combined." As I mentioned the word " remuneration," Mr. Crab first jpencd his eyes, and then his mouth, to quite a remarkable ex- 218 THE LITERARY LIFE OF THINGUM BOB, ESQ. tent; causing his personal appearance to resemble that of a highly-agitated elderly duck in the act of quacking ; and in this condition he remained, (ever and anon pressing his hands tightly to his forehead, as if in a state of desperate bewilderment) until I had nearly made an end of what I had to say. Upon my conclusion, he sank back into his seat, as if much overcome, letting his arms fall lifelessly by his side, but keeping his mouth still rigorously open, after the fashion of the duck. While I remained in speechless astonishment at beha^iov so alarming, he suddenly leaped to his feet and made a rush at the bell-rope ; but just as he reached this, he appeared to have altered his intention, whatever it \vas, for he dived under a table and immediately re-appeared with a cudgel. This he was in the act of uplifting, (for what purpose I am at a loss to imagine,) when, all at once, there came a benign smile over his features, and he sank placidly back in his chair. " Mr. Bob," he said, (for I had sent up my card before as- cending myself,) " Mr. Bob, you are a young man, I presume very ?" I assented; adding that I had not yet concluded my third lustrum. ;< Ah !" he replied, " very good ! I see how it is say no more ! Touching this matter of compensation, what you observe is very just : in fact it is excessively so. But ah ah the first contribution the first, I say it is never the Magazine custom to pay for you comprehend, eh ? The truth is, we are usually the recipients in such case." [Mr. Crab smiled blandly as he emphasized the word " recipients/'] " For the most part, we are paid for .the insertion of a maiden attempt especially in verse. In the second place, Mr. Bob, the Magazine rule is never to disburse what we term in France the argent comptant: 1 have no doubt you understand. In a quarter or two after publica- tion of the article or in a year or two we make no objection to giving our note at nine months : provided always that we can FO arrange our affairs as to be quite certain of a ' burst up' in six. I really do hope, Mr. Bob, that you will look upon this ex- planation as satisfactory." Here Mr. Crab concluded, and tl> tears stood in his eyes. THE LITERARY LIFE OF THING UM BUB, ESQ. 219 Grieved to the soul at having been, however innocently, the pause of pain to so eminent and so sensitive a man, I hastened to apologize, and to reassure him, by expressing my perfect coinci- dence with his views, as well as my entire appreciation of the lelicacy of his position. Having done all this in a neat speech, t took leave. One fine morning, very shortly afterwards, " I awoke and bund myself famous." The extent of my renown will be best jstimated by reference to the editorial opinions of the day. These opinions, it will be seen, were embodied in critical notices of the /lumber of the " Lollipop" containing my poem, and are perfectly satisfactory, conclusive and clear with the exception, perhaps, of the hieroglyphical marks, " Sep. 15 1 t." appended to each of the critiques. The " Owl," a journal of profound sagacity, and well known for the deliberate gravity of its literary decisions the " Owl," I say, spoke as follows : ' ' THE LOLLIPOP !' The October number of this delicious Magazine surpasses its predecessors, and sets competition at defiance. In the beauty of its typography and paper in the number and excellence of its steel plates as well as in the literary merit of its contributions the ' Lollipop' compares with its slow-paced rivals as Hyperion with a Satyr. The 'Hum- Drum,' the ' Rowdy-Dow,' and the ' Goosetheru'mfoodle,' excel, it is true, in braggadocio, but. in all other points, give us the ' Lollipop !' How this celebrated journal can sustain its evidently tremendous expenses, is more than we can understand. To be sure, it has a circulation of J 00, 000, and its subscription-list has increased one-fourth during the last month ; but. on the other hand, the sums it disburses constantly for contributions are incon- ceivable. It is reported that Mr. Slyass received no less than thirty-seven and a half cents for his inimitable paper on ' Pigs.' With Mr. CRAB, as editor, and with such names upon the list of contributors as SNOB and Sly- ass, there can be no such word as ' fail' for the ' Lollipop.' Go and sub scribe. Sep. 15 1 t." I must say that I was gratified with this high-toned notice from a paper so respectable as the " Owl." The placing my name that is to say, my nom de guerre in priority of station to that of the great Slyass, was a compliment as happy as I felt it to be deserved. My attention was next arrested by these paragraphs in the 220 THE LITERARY LIFE OF THINGUM BOB ESQ. ' Toad " a print highly distinguished tor its uprightness, an^ independence for its entire freedom from sycophancy and sub-' servience to the givers of dinners : " The ' Lollipop' for October is out in advance of all its contemporaries, and infinitely surpasses them, of course, in the splendor of i* embellish- ments, as well as in the richness of its literary contents. The ' Hum- Drum,' the ' Rowdy-Dow,' and the ' Goosetherumfoodle' excel, we admit, in braggadocio, but, in all other points, give us the ' Lollipop.' How this celebrated Magazine can sustain its evidently tremendous expenses, is more than we can understand. To be sure, it has a circulation of 200,000, and its subscription list has increased one-third during the last fortnight, but on the other hand, the sums it disburses, monthly, for contributions, are fear- fully great. We learn that Mr. Mumblethumb received no less than fifty cents for his late ' Monody in a Mud-Puddle.' " Among the original contributors to the present number we notice, (be- sides the eminent editor, Mr. CRAB,) such men as SNOB, Slyass, and Mum- blethumb. Apart from the editorial matter, the most valuable paper, never- theless, is, we think, a poetical gem by ' Snob, on the ' Oil-of-Bob' but our readers must not suppose from the title of this incomparable bijou, that it bears any similitude to some balderdash on the same subject by a certain lontemptible individual whose name is unmentionable to ears polite. The present poem ' On the Oil-of-Boh.' has excited universal anxiely and curi- osity in respect to the owner of the evident pseudonym, ' Snob' a curiosity which, happily, we have it in our power to satisfy. ' Snob' is the nom-dc- p/iimc of Mr. Thingum .Bob, of this city, a relative of the great Mr Tliingum, (after whom he is named.) and otherwise connected with the nost illustrious families of the State. His father, Thomas Bob, Esq., is an opulent merchant in Smug. Sep. 15 1 ." This generous approbation touched me to the heart tne more especially as it emanated from a source so avowedly so pro- verbially pure as the " Toad." The word ' balderdash," as applied to the " Oil-of-Bob" of the Fly, I considered singularly pungent and appropriate. The words " gem " and " bijou" however, used in reference to my composition, struck me .as being, in some degree, feeble. They seemed to me to be defi- cient in force. They were not sufficiently prononcis, (as we have it in France). I had hardly finished reading the " Toad," when a friend placed in my hands a copy of the " Mole," a daily, enjoying high reputation for the keenness of its perception about matters in general, and foi the open, honest, abnve-ground style of its 1 THE LlTEitARY LIFE OF PHINGUM BOB, ESQ. 221 editorials. The "Mole" spoke of the " Lollipop" as fol- lows : " We have ji'st received the ' Lollipop' for October, and must say that never before have we perused any single number of any periodical which afforded us a felicity so supreme. We speak advisedly. . The ' Hum-Drum,' the ' Rowdy-Dow' and the ' Goosetherumfoodle' must look well to their laurels. These prints, no doubt, surpass every thing in loudness of preten- sion, but, in all other points, give us the ' Lollipop !' How this celebrated Magazine can sustain its evidently tremendous expenses, is more than we can comprehend. To be sure, it has a circulation of 300.000 ; and its sub- scription-list has increased one-half within the last week, but then the sum it disburses, monthly, for contributions, is astoundingly enormous. We have it upon good authority, that Mr. Fatquack received no less than sixty- two cents and a half for his late Domestic Nouvelette, the ' Dish-Clout.' " The contributors to the number before us are Mr CRAB, (the eminent editor,) SNOB, Mumblethumb, Fatquack, and others ; but, after the inimita ble compositions of the editor himself, we prefer a diamond-like effusion from the pen of a rising poet who writes over the signature ' Snob' a nom de guerre which we predict will one day extinguish the radiance of ' Boz.' " SNOB,' we learn, is a Mr. THINGUM BOB, Esq., sole heir of a wealthy merchant of this city, Thomas Bob, Esq., and a near relative of the distinguished Mr. Thingum. The title of Mr. B.'s admirable poem is the ' Oil-of-Bob' a somewhat unfortunate name, by-the-by, as some contempt- ible vagabond connected with the penny press has already disgusted the town with a great deal of drivel upon the same topic. There will be no danger, however, of confounding the compositions. Sep. 15 I t." The generous approbation of so clear-sighted a journal as the " Mole" penetrated my soul with delight. The only objection which occurred to me was, that the terms " contemptible vaga- bond" might have been better written " odious and contemptible, wretch, villain and vagabond." This would have sounded more gracefully, I think. " Diamond-like," also, was scarcely, it will be admitted, of sufficient intensity to express what the " Mole " evidently thought of the brilliancy of the " Oil-of-Bob." On the same afternoon in which I saw these notices in the **O\vl," the " Toad," and the "Mole" I happened to meet with a copy of the " Daddy-Long- Legs," , periodical proverbial for the extreme extent of its understanding. And it was the " Dad tly-Long-Legs" which spoke thus : " The ' Lollipop' ! ! This gorgeous Magazine is already before the pub. lie for October. The question of ore-eminence is forever put to rest, and 222 THE LITERARY LIFE OF THIXGUM BOB, KSy. hereafter it will be excessively preposterous in the ' Hum-Drum,' the ' Row- dy-Dow,' or the ' Goosetherumfoodle,' to make any fauher spasmodic attempts at competition. These journals may excel the ' Lollipop' in ou' cry, but, in all other points, give us the ' Lollipop !' liow this celebrated Magazine can sustain its evidently tremendous expenses, is past compre- hension. To be sure it has a circulation of precisely half a million, and its subscription-list has increased seventy-five per cent, within the last couple -.1 aa/^ , out then the sums it disburses, monthly, for contributions, aro scarcely credible ; we are cognizant of the fact, that Mademoiselle Criba- little received no less than eighty-seven cents and a half for her late valua- ble Revolutionary Tale, entitled ' The York-Town Katy-Did, and the Bun- ker-Hill Katy-Did'nt.' " The most able papers in the present number, are, of course, those fur- nished by the editor, (the eminent Mr. CRAB.) but there are numerous mag- nificent contributions from such names as SNOB, Mademoiselle Cribalittle, Slyass, Mrs. Fibalittle, Mumble thumb, Mrs. Squibalittle, and last, though not least, Fatquack. The world may well be challenged to produce so rich a galaxy of genius. " The poem over the signature ' SNOB' is, we find, attracting universal commendation, and, we are constrained to say, deserves, if possible. CVCM D ore applause than it has received. The ' Oil-of Bob' is the title of this masterpiece of eloquence and art. One or two of our readers may have very faint, although sufficiently disgusting recollection of a poem (?) simi- larly entitled, the perpetration of a miserable penny-a-liner, mendicant, anJ cut-throat, connected in the capacity of scullion, we believe, with one o. he indecent prints about the purlieus of the city ; we beg them, for God's sake, not to confound the compositions. The author of the ' Oil-of-Bob' is, we hear, THINGUM BOB, Esq.. a gentleman of high genius, and a scholar. ' Snob' is merely a nom-dc-gucrre. Sept. 15 1 t." I could scarcely restrain ray indignation while I perused the concluding portions of this diatribe. It was clear to me that the yea-nay manner not to say the gentleness the positive for- bearance with which the " Daddy-Long-Legs" spoke of that pig, the editor of the " Gad-Fly" it was evident to me. I say, (hat this gentleness of speech could proceed from nothing eke than a partiality for the Fly whom it was clearly the intention of the ' : Daddy-Long-Legs" to elevate into reputation at my expense. Anyone, indeed, might perceive, with half an eye, that, had the real design of the " Daddy" been what it wished to appear, it, (the " Daddy,") might have expressed itself in ,01-1113 more direct, more pungent, and altogether more to the mrpose. The words " penny-;i-liner," " mendicant," " scullion," THE LITERARY LIFE OF THINGUM BOB, ESQ. 223 and " cut-throat," were epithets so intentionally inexpressive and equivocal, as to be worse than nothing when applied to the author of the very worst stanzas ever penned by one of the human race. We all know what is meant by " damning with faint praise," and, on the other hand, who could fail seeing through the covert purpose of the " Daddy" that of glorifying with feeble abuse ? What the " Daddy " chose to say of the Fly, however, was no business of mine. What it said of myself was. After the noble manner in which the " Owl," the " Toad," the " Mole," had expressed themselves in respect to my ability, it was rather too much to be coolly spoken of by a thing like the " Daddy- Long-Legs," as merely "a gentleman of high genius and a scholar." Gentleman indeed ! I made up my mind at once either to get a written apology from the " Daddy-Long-Legs,'' or to call it out. Full of this purpose, I looked about me to find a friend whom I could entrust with a message to his Daddyship, and as the edi- tor of the " Lollipop" had given me marked tokens of regard, I at length concluded to seek assistance upon the present occasion. I have never yet been able to account, in a manner satisfac- tory to my own understanding, for the very peculiar countenance and demeanor with which Mr. Crab listened to me, as I unfolded to him my design. He again went through the scene of the bell-rope and cudgel, and did not omit the duck. At one period I thought he really intended to quack. His fit, nevertheless, finally subsided as before, and he began to act and speak in a rational way. He declined bearing the cartel, however, and in fact, dissuaded me from sending it at all ; but was candid enough to admit that the " Daddy-Long-Legs" had been disgracefully in the wrong more especially in what related to the epithets " gentleman and scholar." Towards the end of this interview with Mr. Crab, who really appeared to take a paternal interest in my welfare, he suggested to me that I might turn an honest penny, and, at the same time, advance my reputation, by occasionally playing Thomas Hawk for the " Lollipop." 224 THE LITERARY LIFE OF THINGUM BOB, ESQ. I begged Mr. Crab to inform me who was Mr. Thomas Ha\\k and how it was expected that I should play him. Here Mr. Crab again " made great eyes," (as we say in Ger. many,) but at length, recovering himself from a profound attack of astonishment, he assured me that he employed the words " Thomas Hawk" to avoid the colloquialism, Tommy, which was low but that the true idea was Tommy Hawk or toma- hawk and that by " playing tomahawk" he referred to scalp- ing, brow-beating and otherwise using-up the herd of poor-devil authors. I assured my patron that, if this was all, I was perfectly re- signed to the task of playing Thomas Hawk. Hereupon Mr. Crab desired me to use-up the editor of the " Gad-Fly" forth- with, in the fiercest style within the scope of my ability, and as a specimen of my powers. This I did. upon the spot, in a re- view of the original " Oil-of-Bob," occupying thirty-six pages of the " Lollipop." I found playing Thomas Hawk, indeed, a far less onerous occupation than poetizing ; for I went upon system altogether, and thus it was easy to do the thing thoroughly and well. My practice was this. I bought auction copies (cheap) of " Lord Brougham's Speeches," " Cobbett's Complete Works," the "New Slang-Syllabus," the "Whole Art of Snubbing," " Prentice's Billingsgate," (folio edition,) and " Lewis G. Clarke on Tongue." These works I cut up thoroughly with a curry- comb, and then, throwing the shreds into a sieve, sifted out carefully all that might be thought decent, (a mere trifle) ; re- serving the hard phrases, which I threw into a large tin pepper- castor with longitudinal holes, so that an entire sentence could get through without material injury. The mixture was then ready for use. When called upon to play Thomas Hawk, I anointed a sheet of fools-cap with the white of a gander's egg ; then, shredding the thing to be reviewed as I had previously shredded the books, only with more care, so as to get every word separate I threw the latter shreds in with the former, screwed on the lid of the castor, gave it a shake, and so dusted out the mixture upon the egg'd foolscap ; where it stuck. The effect was beautiful to behold. It was captivating. Indeed, the reviews I brought to pass bv this simple expedient have nevel THE LITERARy LIFE OF THINGUM BOB, ESQ. 225 been approached, and were the wonder of the world. At first, through bashfulness the result of inexperience I was a little put out by a certain inconsistency a certain air of the bizarre, (as we say in France,) worn by the composition as a whole. All the phrases did not Jit, (as we eay in the Anglo-Saxon.) Many were quite awry. Some, even, were up-side-down ; and there were none of them which were not, in some measure, injured in regard to effect, by this latter species of accident, when it oc- curred ; with the exception of Mr. Lewis Clarke's paragraphs, which were so vigorous, and altogether stout, that they seemed not particularly disconcerted by any extreme of position, but looked equally happy and satisfactory, whether on their heads, or on their heels. What became of the editor of the " Gad-Fly," after the pub lication of my criticism on his " Oil-of-Bob," it is somewhat difficult to determine. The most reasonable conclusion is, that he wept himself to death. At all events he disappeared instan- taneously from the face of the earth, and no man has seen even the ghost of him since. This matter having been properly accomplished, and the Fu- ries appeased, I grew at once into high favor with Mr. Crab. He took me into his confidence, gave me a permanent situation as Thomas Hawk of the " Lollipop," and, as for the present, he could afford me no salary, allowed me to profit, at discretion, by his advice. " My dear Thingum," said he to me one day after dinner, " I respect your abilities and love you as a son. You shall be my heir. When I die I will bequeath you the ' Lollipop." In the meantime I will make a man of you I will provided always that you follow my counsel. The first thing to do is to get rid of the old bore." " Boar ?" said I inquiringly " pig, eh ? aper f (as we say in Latin) who ? where ?" " Your father," said he. " Precisely," I replied, " pig-" " You have your fortune to make, Thingum," resumed Mr. Crab, " and that governor of yours is a millstone about your neck. We must cut him at once." [Here 1 took out my knife.] 226 THE LITERARY LIFE OF THIXGUM BOB, ESQ. " We must cut him," continued Mr. Crab, " decidedly and for ever. He won't do he icorit. Upon second thoughts, you had better kick him, or cane him, or something of that kind." " What do you say," I suggested modestly, " to my kicking him in the first instance, caning him afterwards, and winding up by tweaking his nose?" Mr. Crab looked at me musingly for some moments, and then answered : . " 1 think, Mr. Bob, that what you propose would answer suffi- ciently well indeed remarkably well that is to say, as far as it went but barbers are exceedingly hard to cut, and I think, upon the whole, that, having performed upon Thomas Bob the operations you suggest, it would be advisable to blacken, with your fists, both his eyes, very carefully and thoroughly, to prevent his ever seeing you again in fashionable promenades. After doing this, I really do not perceive that you can do any more. However it might be just as well to roll him once or twice in the gutter, and then put him in charge of the police. Any time the next moi'ning you can call at the watch-house and swear an assault." I was much affected by the kindness of feeling towards me personally, which was evinced in this excellent advice of Mr. Crab, and I did not fail to profit by it forthwith. The result was, that I got rid of the old bore, and began to feel a little in- dependent and gentleman-like. The want of money, however, was, for a few weeks, a source of some discomfort ; but at length, by carefully putting to use my two eyes, and observing how matters went just in front of my nose, I perceived how the thing was to be brought about. I say " thing" be it observed for they tell me the Latin for it is rem. By the way, talking of Latin, can any one tell me the meaning of quocunque or what is the meaning of modo ? My plan was exceedingly simple. I bought, for a song, a sixteenth of the " Snapping-Turtle :" that was all. The thing was done, and I put money in my purse. There were some tri- vial arrangements afterwards, to be sure ; but these formed no, portion of the plan. They were a consequence a result. For example, I bought pen, ink and paper, and put them into furious THE LITERARY LIFE OF THINGLM BOB, ESQ. 227 activity. Having thus completed a Magazine article, I gave it, for appellation, " FoL-LoL, by the Author of ' THE OIL-OF- BOB,' " and enveloped it to the " Goosetherumfoodle." That journal, however, having pronounced it " twattle" in the " Monthly Notices to Correspondents," I reheaded the paper " ' Hey-Diddle-Diddle,' by THINGUM BOB, Esq., Author of the Ode on ' The Oil-of-Bob,' and Editor of the " Snapping-Turtle." With this amendment, I re-enclosed it to the " Goosetherum- foodle," and, while I awaited a reply, published daily, in the " Turtle," six columns of what may be termed philosophical and analytical investigation of the literary merits of the " Goose- therumfoodle," as well as of the personal character of the editor of the " Goosetherumfoodle." A-t the end of a week the, " Goosetherumfoodle." discovered that it had, by some odd mis- take, " confounded a stupid article, headed ' Hey-Diddle-Diddle' and composed by some unknown ignoramus, with a gem of re- splendent lustre similarly entitled, the work of Thingum Bob. Esq., the celebrated author of ' The Oil-of-Bob' " The " Goose therumfoodle" deeply " regretted this very natural accident," and promised, moreover, an insertion of the genuine " Hey-Did- dle-Diddle" in the very next number of the Magazine. The fact is, I thought I really thought I thought at the time I thought then and have no reason for thinking other- wise now that the " Goosetherumfoodle" did make a mistake. With the best intentions in the world, I never knew any thing that made as many singular mistakes as the " Goosetherumfoo- dle." From that day I took a liking to the " Goosetherumfoo- dle," and the result was I soon saw into the ve"ry depths of its literary merits, and did not fail to expatiate upon them, in the '* Turtle," whenever a fitting opportunity occurred. And it is to be regarded as a very peculiar coincidence as one of those positively remarkable coincidences which set a man to serious thinking that just such a total revolution of opinion just such entire bouleversement, (as we say in French,) just such thor- ough topsiturviness, (if I may be permitted to employ a rather forcible term of the Choctaws,) as happened, pro and con, be- tween myself on the one part, and the " Goosetherumfoodle" on the other, did actually again happen, in a brief period after- 228 THE LITERARY LIFE OF THINGUM" BOB, ESQ. wards, and with precisely similar circumstances, in the case of myself and the " Rowdy-Dow," and in the case of myself and the "Hum-Drum." Thus it was that, by a master-stroke of genius, I at length consummated my triumphs by " putting money in my purse," and thus may be said really and fairly to have commenced that brilliant and eventful career which rendered me illustrious, and which now enables me to say, with Chateaubriand, " I have made, history" " fai fait Vhistoire" I have indeed " made history." From the bright epoch which I now record, my actions my works are the property of man- kind. They are familiar to the world. It is, then, needless for me to detail how, soaring rapidly, I fell heir to the " Lollipop" how I merged this journal in the " Hum-Drum'' how again 1 made purchase of the " Rowdy-Dow," thus combining the three periodicals how, lastly, I effected a bargain for the sole re- maining rival, and united all the literature of the country in one magnificent Magazine, known everywhere as the " Rowdy-Dow, Lollipop, Hum- Drum, and GO O SETHERUMFO ODL E." Yes ; I have made history. My fame is universal. It extends to the uttermost ends of the earth. You cannot take up a com- mon newspaper in which you shall not see some allusion to the immortal TIIINGUM BOB. It is Mr. Thingum Bob said so, and Mr. Thingum Bob wrote this, and Mr. Thingura Bob did that. But I am meek and expire with an humble heart. After all, what is it ? this indescribable something which men will persist in terming " genius ?" I agree with Buffon with Hogarth it is but diligeiwe after all. Look at me ! how I labored how I toiled how I wrote ! Ye Gods, did I not write ? I knew not the word " ease." By day I adhered to my desk, and at night, a pale student, I con- sumed the midnight oil. You should have seen me you should. I leaned to the right. I leaned to the left. I sat forward. I sat backward 1 sat upon end. I sat tete baissee, (as they havo THE LITERARY LIFE OF THINGUM BOB, ESQ. 229 it in the Kickapoo,) bowing my head close to the alabaster page. A-nd, through all, I wrote. Through joy and through sorrow, I wrote. Through hunger and through thirst, I wrote. Through good report and through ill report, I wrote. Through eunshine and through moonshine, I wrote. What I wrote it is unnecessary to say. The style ! that was the thing I caught it from Fatquack whizz ! fizz ! and I am. giving you a soeci men of it now. HOff TO fflUTE A BLACKWOOD ARTICLE, 1 In the name of the Prophet figs ! !" Cry of Turkish fig pedlcr. 1 PRESUME every body has heard of me. My name is the Signora Psyche Zenobia. This I know to be a fact. No body but my enemies ever calls me Suky Snobbs. I have been as- sured that Suky is bilt a vulgar corruption of Psyche, which is good Greek, and means " the soul" (that's me, I'm all soul) and sometimes " a butterfly," which latter meaning undoubtedly al- ludes to my appearance in my new crimson satin dress, with the sky-blue Arabian mantelet, and the trimmings of green agraffcts, and the seven flounces of orange-colored auriculas. As for Snobbs any person who should look at me would be instantly aware that my name wasn't Snobbs. Miss Tabitha Turnip pro- pagated that report through sheer envy. Tabitha Turnip indeed ! Oh the little wretch ! But what can we expect from a turnip ? Wonder if she remembers the old adage about " blood out of a turnip, &c." [Mem: put her in mind of it the first opportunity.] [Mem again pull her nose.] Where was I ? Ah ! I have been assured that Snobbs is a mere corruption of Zenobia, and that Zenobia was a queen (So am I. Dr. Moneypenny, always calls me the Queen of Hearts ) and that Zenobia, as well as Psyche, is good Greek, and that my father was " a Greek," and that consequently I have a right to our patronymic, which is Ze- nobia, and not by any means Snobbs. Nobody but Tabitha Turnip calls me Suky Snobbs. I am the Signora Psyche Zenobia. As I said before, everybody has heard of me. I am that very Signora Psyche Zenobia, so justly celebrated as corresponding HOW TO WRITE A BLACK WOOD ARTICLE. 231 secretary to the " Philadelphia, Regular, Exchange, Tea, Total, Young, Belles, Lettres, Universal, Experimental, Bibliographical Association, To, Civilize, Humanity" Dr. Moneypenny made the title for us, and says he chose it because it sounded big like an empty rum-puncheon. (A vulgar man that sometimes but he's deep.) We all sign the initials of the society after our ,,ames, in the fashion of the R. S. A., Royal Society of Arts the S. D. U. K., Society for the Diffusion of Useful Knowledge, '&c. &c. Dr. Moneypenny says that S stands for stale, and that D. U. K. spells duck, (but it don't,) and that S. D. U. K. stands for Stale Duck, and not for Lord Brougham's society but then Dr. Moneypenny is such a queer man that lam never sure when he is telling me the truth. At any rate we always add to our names the initials P. R. E. T. T. Y. B. L. U. E. B. A. T. C. H. that is to say, Philadelphia, Regular, Exchange, Tea, Total, Young, Belles, Lettres, Universal, Experimental, Bibliographical, Association, To, Civilize, Humanity one letter for each word, which is a decided improvement upon Lord Brougham. Dr. Moneypenny will have it that our initials give our true charac- ter but for my life I can't see what he means. Notwithstanding the good offices of the Doctor, and the stren- uous exertions of the association to get itself into notice, it met with no very great success until I joined it. .The truth is, mem- bers indulged in too flippant a tone of discussion. The papers read every Saturday evening were characterized less by depth than buffoonery. They were all whipped syllabub. There was no investigation of first causes, first principles. There was no investigation of anything at all. There was no attention paid to that great point, the " fitness of things." In short there was no fine writing like this. It was all low very ! No profundity, no reading, no metaphysics nothing which the learned call spir- ituality, and which the unlearned choose to stigmatize as cant. [Dr. M. says I ought to spell " cant" with a capital K but I know better.] When I joined the society it was my endeavor to introduce a better style of thinking and writing, and all the world knows how well I have succeeded. ~We get up as good papers now in the P. R. E. T. T .Y. B. I-. U. E B. A. T. C. H. as any to be found 232 HOW TO WRITE A BLACKWOOD ARTICLE. even in Blackwood. I say, Blackwood, because I have been assured that the finest writing, upon every subject, is to be dis- covered in the pages of that justly celebrated Magazine. We now take it for our model upon all themes, and are getting into rapid notice accordingly. And, after all, it's not so very difficult a matter to compose an article of the genuine Blackwood stamp, if one only goes properly about it. Of course I don't speak of the political articles. Everybody knows how they are managed, since Dr. Moneypenny explained it. Mr. Blackwood has a pair of tailor's-shears, and three apprentices who stand by him for or- ders. One hands him the " Times," another the " Examiner." and a third a " Gulley's New Compendium of Slang- Whang." Mr. B. merely cuts out and intersperses. It is soon done nothing but Examiner, Slang- Whang, and Times then Times, Slang Whang, and Examiner and then Times, Examiner and Slang- Whang. But the chief merit of the Magazine lies in its miscellaneous articles ; and the best of these come under the head of what Dr. Moneypenny calls the bizarreries (whate-ver that may mean) and what everybody else calls the intensities. This is a species of writing which I have long known how to appreciate, although it is only since my late visit to Mr. Blackwood (deputed by the society) that I have been made aware of the exact method of composition. This method is very simple, but not so much so as the politics. Upon my calling at Mr. B.'s, and making known to him the wishes of the society, he received me with great civil- ity, took me into his study, and gave me a clear explanation of tLe whole process. " My dear madam," said he, evidently struck with my majes tic appearance, for I had on the crimson satin, with the green agraffas, and orange-colored auriculas, " My dear madam," said he, " sit down. The matter stands thus. In the first place your writer of intensities must have very black ink, and a very big pen, with a very blunt nib. And, mark me, Miss Psyche Zenobia !" he continued, after a pause, with the most impressive energy and solemnity of manner, " mark me ! that pen must never be mended! Here'n, madam, lies the secret, the soul, of intensity. I assume upon myself to say, that no individual- HOW TO WRITE A BLACKWOOD ARTICLE. 233 of however great genius, ever wrote with a good pen, under stand me, a good article. You may take it for granted, that when manuscript can be read it is never worth reading. This is a leading principle in our faith, to which if you cannot readily assent, our conference is at an end." He paused. But, of course, as I had no wish to put an end to the conference, I assented to a proposition so very obvious, and one, too, of whose truth I had all along been sufficiently aware. He seemed pleased, and went on with his instructions. " It may appear invidious in me, Miss Psyche Zenobia, to refer you to an article, or set of articles, in the way of model or study ; yet perhaps I may as well call your attention to a few cases. Let me see. There was ' The Dead Alive,' a capital thing ! the record of a gentleman's sensations when entombed before the breath was out of his body full of taste, terror, sentiment, meta- physics, and erudition. You would have sworn that the writer had been born and brought up in a coffin. Then we had the ' Confessions of an Opium-eater' fine, very fine ! glorious ima- gination deep philosophy acute speculation plenty of fire and fury, and a good spicing of the decidedly unintelligible. That was a nice bit of flummery, and went down the throats of the people delightfully. They would have it that Coleridge wrote the paper but not so. It was composed by my pet baboon, Juniper, over a rummer of Hollands and water, ' hot, without sugar.' " [This I could scarcely have believed had it been any body but Mr. Blackwood, who assured me of it.] " Then thenf was ' TJie Involuntary Experimentalist? all about a gentleman who got baked in an oven, and came out alive and well, although certainly done to a turn. And then there was ' The Diary of a Late Physician' where the merit lay in good rant, and indiffer- ent Greek both of them taking things with the public. And then there was ' The Man in the Bell,' a paper by-the-by, Miss Zenobia, which I cannot sufficiently recommend to your attention. It is the history of a young person who goes to sleep under the clapper of a church bell, and is awakened by its tolling for a funeral. The sound drives him mad, and, accordingly, pulling out his tablets, he gives a record of his sensations. Sensations are the great things after all. Should you ever be drowneJ of 234 HOW TO WRITE A BLACKWOOD ARTICLE. hung, be sure and make a note of your sensations they will IKJ worth to you ten guineas a sheet. If you wish to write forcibly, Miss Zenobia, pay minute attention to the sensations." " That I certainly will, Mr. Blackwood,' said I. " Good !" he replied. " I see you are a pupil after my own heart. But I must put you au fait to the details necessary in composing what may be denominated a genuine Blackwood arti- cle of the sensation stamp the kind which you will understand me to say I consider the best for all purposes. " The first thing requisite is to get yourself into such a scrape as no one ever got into before. The oven, for instance, that was a good hit. But if you have no oven, or big bell, at hand, and if you cannot conveniently tumble out of a balloon, or be swallowed up in an earthquake, or get stuck fast in a chimney, you will have to be contented with simply imagining some simi- lar misadventure. I should prefer, however, that you have the actual fact to bear you out. Nothing so well assists the fancy, as an experimental knowledge of the matter in hand. ' Truth is strange,' you know, * stranger than fiction' besides being more to the purpose." Here I assured him I had an excellent pair of garters, and would go and hang myself forthwith. " Good!" he replied, "do so ; although hanging is somewhat hackneyed. Perhaps you might do better. Take a dose of Bran- dreth's pills, and then give us your sensations. However, my instructions will apply equally well to any variety of misadven- ture, and in your way home you may easily get knocked in the head, or run over by an omnibus, or bitten by a mad dog, or drowned in a gutter. But to proceed. " Having determined upon your subject, you must next con- sider the tone, or manner, of your narration. There is the tone didactic, the tone enthusiastic, the tone natural all common- place enough. But then therr is the tone laconic, or curt, which Las lately come much into use. It consists in short sentences, Somehow thus : Can't be too brief. Can't be too snappish. Always a full stop. And never a paragraph. "Then there is the tone elevated, diffusive, and interjectiona!. Some of our best novelists patronize this tone. The wonls must HOW TO WRITE A BLACKWOOD ARTICLE. 2M he all in a whirl, like a humming-top, and make a noise verj similar, which answers remarkably well instead of meaning. This is the best of all possible styles where the writer is in too great a hurry to think. " The tone metaphysical is also a good one. If you know any big words this is your chance for them. Talk of the Ionic and Eleatic schools of Archytas, Gorgias and Alcmaeon. Say something about objectivity and subjectivity. Be sure and abuse a man named Locke. Turn up your nose at things in general and when you let slip anything a little too absurd, you need not be at the trouble of scratching it out, but just add a foot-note, and say that you are indebted for the above profound observation to the ' Kritik der reinem Vernunft,' or to the ' Metaphysische Anfangsyrunde der Nuturwissenschaft.' This will look erudite and and and frank. "There are various other tones of equal celebrity, but I shall men- tion only two more the tone transcendental and the tone heteroge- neous. In the former the merit consists in seeing into the nature of affairs a very great deal farther than any body else. This second sight is very efficient when properly managed. A little reading of the ' Dial' will carry you a great way. Eschew, in this case, big words ; get them as small as possible, and write them upside down. Look over Channing's poems and quote what he says about a 'fat little man with a delusive show of Can.' Put in something about the Supernal Oneness. Don't say a syllable about the Infernal Twoness. Above all, study inuendo. Hint everything assert nothing. If you feel inclined to say ' bread and butter,' do not by any means say it outright. You may say anything and everything approaching to ' bread and butter.' You may hint at buck-wheat cake, or you may even go so far as to insinuate oat-meal porridge, but if bread and butter be your real meaning, be cautious, my dear Miss Psyche, not on any ac- count to say 'bread and butter !'" I assured him that I should never say it again as long as J lived. He kissed me and continued : "As for the tone heterogeneous, it is merely a judicious mix- ture, in equal proportions, of all the other tones in the world 236 HOW TO WRITE A BLACKWOOD ARTICLE. and is consequently made up of everything deep, great, odd piquant, pertinent, and pretty. " Let us suppose now you have determined upon your inci- dents and tone. The most important portion in fact, the soul of the whole business, is yet to be attended to I allude to the filling up. It is not to be supposed that a lady, or gentleman <:ither, has been leading the life of a book-worm. And yet above all things it is necessary that your article have an air of erudition, or at least afford evidence of extensive general read- ing. Now I'll put you in the way of accomplishing this point. See here !" (pulling down some three or four ordinary-looking volumes, and opening them at random). " By casting your eye down almost any page of any book in the world, you will be able to perceive at once a host of little scraps of either learning or bel-esprit-ism, which are the very thing for the spicing of a Blackwood article. You might as well note down a few while I read them to you. I shall make two divisions : first, Piquant Facts for the Manufacture of Similes; and second, Piquant Ex- pressions to be introduced as occasion may require. Write now ! " and I wrote as he dictated. " PIQUANT FACTS FOR SIMILES. ' There were originally bu. three Muses Melete, Mneme, Aoede meditation, memory, and singing.' You may make a great deal of that little fact if properly worked. You see it is not generally known, and looks recherche. You must be careful and give the thing with a down- right improviso air. " Again. ' The river Alpheus passed beneath the sea, and emerged without injury to the purity of its waters.' Rather stale that, to be sure, but, if properly dressed and dished up, will look quite as fresh as ever. "Here is something better. 'The Persian Iris appears to some persons to possess a sweet and very powerful perfume, while to others it is perfectly scentless.' Fine that, and very delicate ! Turn it about a little, and it will do wonders. We'll have something else in the botanical line. There's nothing goes down so well, especially with the help of a little Latin, Write ! HOW TO WRITE A BLACKWOOD AJITICLE. 237 " ' The Epidendrum Flos Acris, of Java, bears a very beau- tiful flower, and will live when pulled up by the roots. Tho natives suspend it by a cord from the ceiling, and enjoy its fra- grance for years.' That's capital ! That will do for the similes. Now for the Piquant Expressions. PIQUANT EXPRESSIONS. ' The venerable Chinese novel Ju* Riao-Li! Good ! By introducing these few words with dex- terity you will evince your intimate acquaintance with the language and literature of the Chinese. With the aid of this you may possibly get along without either Arabic, or Sanscrit, or Chickasaw. There is no passing muster, however, without Spanish, Italian, German, Latin, and Greek. I must look you out a little specimen of each. Any scrap will answer, because you must depend upon your own ingenuity to make it fit into your article. Now write ! " ' Aussi tendre que Zaire' as tender as Zaire French. Alludes to the frequent repetition of the phrase, la tendre Zaire, in the French tragedy of that name. Properly introduced, will show not only your knowledge of the language, but you general reading and wit. You can say, for instance, that the chicken you were eating (write an article about bung choked to death by a chicken-bone) was not altogether aussi tendre que Zaire. Write 1 4 Van mncrte tan escondida, Que no te sienta venir, Porque el plazer del morir No me tome a dar la vida.' That's Spanish from Miguel de Cervantes. ' Come quickly, O death ! but be sure and don't let me see you coming, lest the pleasure I shall feel at your appearance should unfortunately bring me back again to life.' This you may slip in quite a propos when you are struggling in the last agonies with the chicken-bone. Write ! ' II forcer 'huomo che non se'n era accorto, Andava combattendo, e era morto.' That's Italian, you perceive from Ariosto. It means that a great hero, in the heat of combat, not perceiving that he ha-3 238 HOW TO WRITE A BLACKWOOD ARTICLE. been fairly killed, continued to fight valiantly, dead as hs was. The application of this to your own case is obvious for I trust, Miss Psyche, that you will not neglect to kick for at least an hour and a half after you have been choked to death by tht chicken-bone. Please to write! ' Und stcrb'ich dock, no slcrVich dcnn Durch sic durch sie /' That's German from Schiller. ' And if I die, at least I die - for thee for thee !' Here it is clear that you are apostrophizing the cause of your disaster, the chicken. Indeed what gentleman (or lady either) of sense, wouldn't die, I should like to know, for a well fattened capon of the right Molucca breed, stuffed with capers and mushrooms, and served up in a salad-bowl, with orange-jellies en mosaiques. Write ! (You can get them that way at Tortrni's), Write, if you please ! " Here is a nice little Latin phrase, and rare too, (one can't be too recherche or brief in one's Latin, it's getting so common), ignomtio elenchi. He has committed an ignor.itio el nchi that is to say, he has understood the words of your proposition, out not the idea. The man was a fool, you see. Some poor fellow whom you address while choking with that chicken-bone, and who therefore didn't precisely understand what you were talking about. Throw the ignoratio elenchi in his teeth, and, at once, you have him annihilated. If he dare to reply, you can tell him from Lucan (here it is) that speeches are mere anemonae verborum, anemone words. The anemone, with great brilliancy, has no smell. Or, if he begin to bluster, you may be down upon him with insomnia Jovis. reveries of Jupiter a phrase which Silius Italicus (see here !) applies to thoughts pompous and in- flated. This will be sure and cut him to the heart. He can do nothing but roll over and die. Will you be kind enough to write ? " In Greek we must have something pretty from Demos- thenes, for example. Avepo (psvyuv xai *aXiv ^cr^sa'STai. [Aner o pheugon kai palin makesetai]. There is a tolerably good translation of it in Hudibras For he that flies may fight again, Which he can never do that's slaia. HOW TO WRITE A BLACKWOOD ARTICLE. 2?9 In a Blackwood article nothing makes so fine a show as your Greek. The very letters have an air of profundity about them. Only observe, madam, the astute look of that Epsilon ! That Phi ought certainly to be a bishop ! Was ever there a smarter fellow than that Omicron ? Just twig that Tau ! In short, there is nothing like Greek for a genuine sensation-paper. In the present case your application is the most obvious thing in the world. Rap out the sentence, with a huge oath, and by way of ultimatum at the good-for-nothing dunder-headed villain who couldn't understand your plain English in relation to the chicken- bone. He'll take the hint and be off, you may depend upon it." These were all the instructions Mr. B. could afford me upon the topic in question, but I felt they would be entirely sufficient. I was, at length, able to write a genuine Blackwood article, and determined to do it forthwith. In taking leave of me, Mr B. made a proposition for the purchase of the paper when written ; but as he could offer me only fifty guineas a sheet, I thought it Letter to let our society have it, than sacrifice it for so paltry a Bum. Notwithstanding this niggardly spirit, however, the gentle- man showed his consideration for me in all other respects, and indeed treated me with the greatest civility. His parting word, made a deep impression upon my heart, and I hope I shall always remember them with gratitude. " My dear Miss Zenobia," he said, while the tears stood in his eyes, " is there anything else I can do to promote the success of your laudable undertaking? Let me reflect! It is just possible that you may not be able, so soon as convenient, to to get yourself drowned, or choked with a chicken-bone, or or hung, or bitten by a but stay ! Now I think me of it, there are a couple of very excellent bull-dogs in the yard fine fellows, I 'assure you savage, and all that indeed just the thing for your money they'll have you eaten up, auriculas and all, in less than five minutes (here's my watch !) and then only think of the sensations ! Here ! I say Tom ! Peter .' Dick, you villain ! let out those" but as I was really in a great hurry, and had not another moment to spare, I was reluc antly forced to expe dite my depavture, and accordingly took leave at once some* 40 HOW TO WRITE A MAGAZINE ARTICLE. what more abruptly, I admit, than strict courtesy would have otherwise, allowed. It was my primary object upon quitting Mr. Blackwood, to get into some immediate difficulty, pursuant to his ad\ 7 ice, and with this view I spent the greater part of the day in wandering about Edinburg, seeking for desperate adventures adventures adequate to the intensity of my feelings, and adapted to the vast character of the article I intended to write. In this excursion I was attended by one negro-servant Pompey, and my little lap- dog Diana, whom I had brought with me from Philadelphia. It was not, however, until late in the afternoon that I fully succeeded in my arduous undertaking. An important event then happened of which the following Blackwood article, in the tone heteroge- neous, is the substance and result. 1 PREDICAMENT. What chance, good lady, hath bereft you thus ? CoMUS. IT was a quiet and still afternoon when I strolled forth in the goodly city of Edina. The confusion and bustle in the streets were terrible. Men were talking. Women wire screaming. Children were choking. Pigs were whistlir.g. Carts they rattled. Bulls they bellowed. Cows they lowed. Horses they neighed. Cats they caterwauled. Dogs they danced. Danced! Could it then be possible? Danced! Alas, thought I, my danc- ing days are over ! Thus it is ever. What a host of gloomy recollections will ever and anon be awakened in the mind of genius and imaginative contemplation, especially of a genius doomed to the everlasting, and eternal, and continual, and, as one might say, the continued yes, the continued and continu- ous, bitter, harassing, disturbing, and, if I may be allowed the expression, the very disturbing influence of the serene, and god- like, and heavenly, and. exalting, and elevated, and purifying effect of what may be rightly termed the most enviable, the most truly enviable nay ! the most benignly beautiful, the most deliriously ethereal, and, as it were, the most pretty (if I may use so bold an expression) thing (pardon me, gentle reader !) in the word but I am always led away by my feelings. In such a mind, I repeat, what a host of recollections are stirred up by a trifle ! The dogs danced ! 1 I could not ! They frisked I wept. They capered I sobbed aloud. Touching circum- stances ! which cannot fail to bring to the recollection of the classical reader that exquisite passage in relation to the fitness of things, which is to be found in the commencement of the 242 A PREDICAMENT. third volume of that admirable and venerable Chinese novei, the Jo- Go- Slow. In my solitary walk through the city I had two humble but faithful companions. Diana, my poodle ! sweetest of. creatures ! She had a quantity of hair over her one eye, and a blue riband tied fashionably around her neck. Diana was not more than five inches in height, but her head was somewhat bigger than her body, and her tail, being cut off exceedingly close, gave an air of in- jured innocence to the interesting animal which rendered her a favorite with all. And Pompey, my negro ! sweet Pompey ! how shall I ever forget thee ? I had taken Pompey's arm. He was three feet in height (I like to be particular) and about seventy, or perhaps eighty, years of age. He had bow-legs and was corpulent. His mouth should not be called small, nor his ears short. His teeth, however, were like pearl, and his large full eyes were deliciously white. Nature had endowed him with no neck, and had placed his ankles (as usual with that race) in the middle of the upper portion of the feet. He was clad with a striking simplicity. His sole garments were a stock of nine inches in height, and a nearly-new drab overcoat which had formerly been in the service of the tall, stately, and illustrious Dr. Moneypenny. It was a good overcoat. It was well cut. It was well made. The coat was nearly new. Pompey held it up out of the dirt with both hands. There were three persons in our party, and two of them have already been the subject of remark. There was a third that third person was myself. I am the Seignora Psyche Zenobia. I am not Suky Snobbs. My appearance is commanding. On the memorable occasion of which I speak I was habited in a crimson satin dress, with a sky-blue Arabian mantelet. And the dress had trimmings of green agraffas, and seven graceful Hounces of the orange colored auricula. I thus formed the third of the pni'ty. There was the poodle. There was Pompey. There was myself. We were three. Thus it is said there wera originally but three Furies Melty, Nimmy and Hetty Medi tation, Memory and Fiddling. Leaning upon the arm of the gallant Pompey, and attended A PREDICAMENT 243 at a respectful distance by Diana, I proceeded down one of the populous and very pleasant streets of the now deserted Edina. On a sudden, there presented itself to view a church a Gothic cathedral vast, venerable, and with a tall steeple, which tower- ed into the sky. What madness now possessed me? Why did I rush upon my fate ? I was seized with an uncontrollable desire to ascend the giddy pinnacle, and thence survey the immense extent of the city. The door of the cathedral stood invitingly open. My destiny prevailed. I entered the ominous archway. Where then was my guardian angel ? if indeed such angels there be. If! Distressing monosyllable ! what a world of mystery, and meaning, and doubt, and uncertainty is there in- volved in thy two letters ! I entered the ominous archway ! I entered ; and, without injury to my orange-colored auriculas, I passed beneath the portal, and emerged within the vestibule. Thus it is said the immense river Alfred passed, unscathed, and un wetted, beneath the sea. I thought the staircases would never have an end. Round! Yes, they went round and up, and round and up and round and up, until I could not help surmising, with the sagacious Pompey, upon whose supporting arm I leaned in all the confidence of early affection I could not help surmising that the upper end of the continuous spiral ladder had been accidentally, or perhaps de- signedly, removed. I paused for breath; and, in the meantime, an incident occurred of too momentous a nature in a moral, and also in a metaphysical point of view, to be passed over without notice. It appeared to me indeed I was quite confident of the, fact I could not be mistaken no ! I had, for some moments, carefully and anxiously observed the motions of my Diana -I pay that I could not be mistaken Diana smelt a rat! At once I called Pompey's attention to the subject, and he he agreed with me. There was then no longer any reasonable room for doubt. The rat had been smelled and by Diana. Heavens ! shall I over forget the intense excitement of that moment ? Alas ! what is the boasted intellect of man? The rat! it was there that is to say, it was somewhere. Diana smelled the rat. I 7 tould not ! Thus it is said the Prussian Isis has, for some per 244 A PREDICAMENT. sons, a sweet and very powerful perfume, while to others il U perfectly scentless. The staircase had been surmounted, and there were now only three or four more upward steps intervening between us and tho summit. We still ascended, and now only one step remained. One step ! One little, little step ! Upon one such little step in the great staircase of human life how vast a sum of human happiness or misery often depends ! I thought of myself, then of Pompey, and then of the mysterious and inexplicable destiny which sur- rounded us. I thought of Pompey ! alas, I thought of love ! I thought of the many false steps which have been taken, and may be taken again. I resolved to be more cautious, more reserved. I abandoned the arm of Pompey, and, without his assistance, surmounted the one remaining step, and gained the chamber of the belfry. I was followed immediately afterwards by my poo- dle. Pompey alone remained behind. I stood at the head of the staircase, and encouraged him to ascend. He stretched forth to me his hand, and unfortunately in so doing was forced to abandon his firm hold upon the overcoat. Will the gods never cease their persecution ? The overcoat it dropped, and, with one of his feet, Pompey stepped upon the long and trailing skirt of the overcoat. He stumbled and fell this consequence was-in- evitable. He fell forwards, and, with his accursed head, striking me full in the in the breast, precipitated me headlong, together with himself, upon the hard, filthy and detestable floor of the belfry. But my revenge was sure, sudden and complete. Seizing him furiously by the wool with both hands, I tore out a vast quantity of the black, and crisp, and curling material, and tossed it from me with every manifestation of disdain. It fell among the ropes of the belfry and remained. Pompey arose, and said no word. But he regarded me piteously with his large eyes and sighed. Ye gods that sigh ! It sunk into my heart. And the hair the wool ! Could I have reached that wool I would have bathed it with my tears, in testimony of regret. But alas ! it was now far beyond my grasp. As it dangled among the cordage of the bell, I fancied it still alive. I fancied that it stood on end with indignation. Thus the happydandy Flos Aeris :-f Java, bears, it is said, a beautiful flower, which will live wheu A PREDICAMENT. 245 pulled up by the roots. The natives suspend it by a cord from the ceiling and enjoy its fragrance for years. Our quarrel was now made up, and we looked about the room for an aperture through which to survey the city of Edina. Windows there were none. The sole light admitted into the gloomy chamber proceeded from a square opening, about a foot in diameter, at a height of about seven feet from the floor. Yet what will the energy of true genius not effect ? I resolved to clamber up to this hole. A vast quantity of wheels, pinions, and other cabalistic looking machinery stood opposite the hole, close to it : and through the hole there passed an iron rod from the ma chinery. Between the wheels and the wall where the hole lay there was barely room for my body yet I was desperate, and determined to persevere. I called Pompey to my side. " You perceive that aperture, Pompey. I wish to look through it. You will stand here just beneath the hole so. Now, hold out one of your hands, Pompey, and let me step upon it thus. Now, the other hand, Porapey, and with its aid I will get upon your shoulders." He did everything I wished, and I found, upon getting up, that I could easily pass my head and neck through the aperture. The prospect was sublime. Nothing could be more magnificent. I merely paused a moment to bid Diana behave herself, and as- sure Pompey that I would be considerate and bear as lightly as possible upon his shoulders. I told him I would be tender of his i'eelings ossi tender que beefsteak. Having done this justice to my faithful friend, I gave myself up with great zest and en- thusiasm to the enjoyment of the scene which so obligingly spread itself out before my eyes. Upon this subject, however, I shall forbear to dilate. I will not describe the city of Edinburgh. Every one has been to Edinburgh the classic Edina. I will confine myself to the momentous details of my own lamentable adventure. Having, in some measure, satisfied my curiosity in regard to the extent, situation, ami general appearance of the city, I had leisure to survey the church in which I was, and the delicate architecture of the steeple. I observed that the aperture through which I had thri'*t my head was an opening in the dial-plate of a gigantic 246 A PREDICAMENT. clock, and must have appeared, from the street, as a large key hole, such as we see in the face of French watches. No doubl the true object was to admit the arm of an attendant, to adjust, when necessary, the hands of the clock from within. I observed also, with surprise, the immense size of these hands, the longest of which could not have been less than ten feet in length, and. where broadest, eight or nine inches in breadth. They were of solid steel apparently, and their edges appeared to be sharp Having noticed these particulars, and some others, I again turned my eyes upon the glorious prospect below, and soon became ab sorbed in contemplation. From this, after some minutes, I was aroused by the voice of Pompey, who declared he could stand it no longer, and requested that I would be so kind as to come down. This was unreason- able, and I told him so in a speech of some length. He replied but with an evident misunderstanding of my ideas upon the sub- ject. I accordingly grew angry, and told him in plain words, that he was a fool, that he had committed an ignoramus e-clench- eye, that his notions were mere insommary Bovis, and his words little better than an ennemywerrybor'ein. With this he appeared satisfied, and I resumed my contemplations. It might have been half an hour after this altercation when, a-* I was deeply absorbed in the heavenly scenery beneath me, I was startled by something very cold which pressed with a gentle pressure upon the back of my neck. It is needless to say that I felt inexpressibly alarmed. I knew that Pompey was beneath my feet, and that Diana was sitting, according to my explicit directions, upon her hind legs in the farthest corner of the room. What could it be ? Alas! I but too soon discovered. Turning my head gently to one side, I perceived, to my extreme horror, that the huge, glittering, scimetar-like minute-hand of the clock, had, in the course of its hourly revolution, descended upon my t^ck. There was, I knew, not a second to be lost. I pulled back at once but it was too late. There was no chance of forcing my head through the mouth of that terrible trap in which it was so fairly caught, and which grew narrower and narrower with a rapidity too horrible to be conceived. The agony of that moment is not to be iinagine.d. I threw up ray hands and endea* A PREDICAMENT. % 247 vored, with all my strength, to force upward the ponderous iron bar. I might as well have tried to lift the cathedral itself. Down, down, down it came, closer and yet closer. I screamed to Pompey for aid : but he said that I had hurt his feelings by calling him " an ignorant old squint eye." I yelled to Diana ; but she only said " bow-wow-wow," and that " I had told her on no account to stir from the corner." Thus I had no relief to expect from my associates. Meantime the ponderous and terrific Scythe of Time (for I now discovered the literal import of that classical phrase) had not stopped, nor was it likely to stop, in its career. Down and still down, it came. It had already buried its sharp edge a full inch in my flesh, and my sensations grew indistinct and confused. At one time I fancied myself in Philadelphia with the stately Dr. Moneypenny, at another in the back parlor of Mr. Black- wood receiving his invaluable instructions. And then again the sweet recollection of better and earlier times came over me, and I thought of that happy period when the world was not all a desert, and Pompey not altogether cruel. The ticking of the machinery amused me. Amused me, I say, for my sensations now bordered upon perfect happiness, and the most trifling circumstances afforded me pleasure. The eternal click-clack, click-clack, click-clack, of the clock was the most melodious of music in my ears, and occasionally even put me in mind of the grateful sermonic harangues of Dr. Ollapod. Theii there were the great figures upon the dial-plate how intelligent, how intellectual, they all looked ! And presently they took to dancing the Mazurka, and 1 think it was the figure V who per- formed the most to my satisfaction. She was evidently a lady of breeding. None of your swaggerers, and nothing at all in- delicate in her motions. She did the pirouette to admiration whirling round upon her apex. I made an endeavor to hand her a chair, for I saw that she appeared fatigued with her ex- ertions and it was not until then that I fully perceived my lamentable situation. Lamentable indeed! The bar had buried itself two inches in my neck. I was aroused to a sense of ex- quisite pain. I prayed for death, and, in the agony of the mo- 248 A PREDICAMENT. ment, could not help repeating those exquisite verses of thr twenty young gentlemen piously in- THE EXACT SCIENCES. 2 1 !? clined. But our man of business is in no huny to conclude a contract with any no man of business is ever precipitate and it is not until the most rigid catechism in respect to the piety of each young gentleman's inclination, that his services are engaged and his fifty dollars receipted for, just by way of proper precaution, on the part of the respectable firm of Bogs, Hogs, Logs, Frogs, and Company. On the morning of the first day of the uext month, the landlady does not present her bill, according to pro- mise a piece of neglect for which the comfortable head of the house ending in ogs, would no doubt have eluded her severely, could he have been prevailed upon to remain in town a day or two for that purpose. As it is, the constables have had a sad time of it, running hither and thither, and all they can do is to declare the man of business most emphatically, a " hen knee high" by which some persons imagine them to imply that, in fact, he is n. e. i. by which again the very classical phrase non est inventus, is supposed to be understood. In the meantime the young gentlemen, one and all, are somewhat less piously inclined than before, while the landlady purchases a shilling's worth of the best Indian rubber, and very carefully obliterates the pencil memorandum that some fool has made in her great family Bible, on the broad margin of &e Proverbs of Solomon. THE ANGEL OF THE ODD. AN EXTRAVAGANZA. IT was a chilly November afternoon. I had just consummat- ed an unusually hearty dinner, of which the dyspeptic trufft formed not the least important item, and was sitting alone in the dining-room, with my feet upon the fender, and at my elbow a email table which I had rolled up to the fire, and upon which were some apologies for dessert, with some miscellaneous bottles of wine, spirit and liqueur. In the morning I had been reading Glover's " Leonidas," Wilkie's " Epigoniad," Lamartine's " Pil- grimage," Barlow's " Columbiad," Tuckerman's " Sicily," and Griswold's " Curiosities j" I am willing to confess, therefore, that I now felt a little stupid. I made effort to arouse myself by aid of frequent Lafitte, and, all failing, I betook myself to a stray newspaper in despair. Having carefully perused the column of " houses to let," and the column of " dogs lost," and then the two, columns of " wives and apprentices runaway," I attacked with great resolution the editorial matter, and, reading it from begin- ning to end without understanding a syllable, conceived the pos- sibility of its being Chinese, and so re-read it from the end to the beginning, but with no more satisfactory result. I was about throwing away, in disgust. This folio of four pages, happy work Which not even critics criticise, when I felt my attention somewhat aroused by the paragraph which follows : " The avenues to death are numerous and strange. A London paper mentions the decease of a person from a singular cause. He was playing at ' puff the dart,' which is played with a long ueedle inserted in some worsted, and blown at a target through THE ANGEL OF THE ODD. 279 a tin tube. He placed the needle at the wrong end ol the tube, and drawing his breath strongly to puff the dart forward with force, drew the needle into his throat. It entered the lungs, and in a few days killed him." Upon seeing this I fell into a great rage, without exactly knowing why. " This thing," I exclaimed, " is a contemptible falsehood a poor hoax the lees of the invention of some pitia- ble penny-a-liner of some wretched concoctor of accidents in Cocaigne. These fellows, knowing the extravagant gullibility of the age, set their wits to work in the imagination of improba- ble possibilities of odd accidents, as they term them ; but to a I'eflecting intellect (like mine," I added, in parenthesis, putting my forefinger unconsciously to the side of my nose,) "to a con- templative understanding such as I myself possess, it seems evi- dent at once that the marvellous increase of late in these ' odd accidents' is by far the oddest accident of all. For my own part, I intend to believe nothing henceforward that has anything of the 'singular' about it/' " Mein Gott, den, vat a vool you bees for dat ! ' replied one of the most remarkable voices I ever heard. At first I took it for a rumbling in my ears such as a man sometimes experien- ces when getting very drunk but, upon second thought, I con- sidered the sound as more nearly resembling that which proceeds from an empty barrel beaten with a big stick ; and, in fact, this I should have concluded it to be, but for the articulation of the syllables and words. I am by no means naturally nervous, and the very few glasses of Lafitte which I had sipped served to embolden me a little, so that I felt nol.iing of trepidation, but merely uplifted my eyes with a leisurely movement, and looked carefully around the room for the intruder. I could not, how- ever, perceive any one at all. "Humph!" resumed the voice, as I continued my survey, " you mus pe so dronk as de pig, den, for not zee me as I zit here at your zide." Hereupon I bethought me of looking immediately before my nose, and there, sure enough, confronting me at the table sat a personage nondescript, although not altogether indescribable. His body was a wine-pipe, or a rum-puncheon, or something of 280 THE ANGEL OF THE ODD. that character, and had a truly Falstaffian air. In its nethci extremity were inserted two kegs, which seemed to answer all the purposes of legs. For arms there dangled from the upper portion of the carcass two tolerably long bottles, with the necks outward for hands. All the head that I saw the monster possessed of was one of those Hessian canteens which resemble a large snuff-box with a hole in the middle of the lid. This canteen (with a funnel on its top, like a cavalier cap slouched over the eyesj was set on edge upon the puncheon, with the hole toward myself; and through this hole, which seemed puckered up like the mouth of a very precise old maid, the creature was emitting certain rumbling and grumbling noises which he evidently in- tended for intelligible talk. " I zay, : ' said he, " you mos pe dronk as de pig, vor zit dare and not zee me zit ere ; and I zay, doo, you mos pe pigger vool as de goose, vor to dispelief vat iz print in de print. 'Tiz de troof dat it iz eberry vord ob it." "Who are you, pray?" said I, with much dignity, although somewhat puzzled ; " how did you get here ? and what is it you Are talking about ?" " As vor ow I com'd ere," replied the figure, " dat iz none of your pizziness ; and as vor vat I be talking apout, I be talk apout vat I tink proper ; and as vor who I be, vy dat is de very ting I com'd here for to let you zee for yourzelf." " You are a drunken vagabond," said I, " and I shall ring the bell and order my footman to kick you into the street." "He! he! he!" said the fellow, "hu! hu! hu! dat you can't do." " Can't do !" said I, " what do you mean ? I can't do what ?" " Ring de pell ;" he replied, attempting a grin with his little villanous mouth. Upon this I made an effort to get up, in order to put my threat into execution ; but the ruffian just reached across the table very deliberately, and hitting me a tap on the forehead with the neck of one of the long bottles, knocked me back into the arm-chair from which I had half arisen. I was utterly astounded ; and, for a moment, was quite at a loss what to do. In the meantime, he continued his talk. THE ANGEL OF THE ODD. 281 " YO:J zee," said he, " it iz te bess vor zit still ; and now you shall know who I pe. Look at me ! zee ! I am te Angel ov te Odd." " And odd enough, too," I ventured to reply ; " but I was always under the impression that an angel had wings." " Te wing ! " he cried, highly incensed, " vat I pe do mit te wing? Mein Gott! do you take me vor a shicken?" " No oh no ! " I replied, much alarmed, " you are no chicken certainly not." " Well, den, zit still and pehabe yourself, or I'll rap you again mid me vist. It iz te shicken ab te wing, und te owl ab te wing, und te imp ab te wing, und te head-teuffel ab te wing. Te angel ab not te wing, and I am te Angel ov te Odd" " And your business with me at present is is" "My pizzness!" ejaculated the thing, ''-vy vat a low bred buppy you mos pe vor to ask a gentleman und an angel apout his pizziness !" This language was rather more than I could bear, even, from an angel ; so, plucking up courage, I seized a salt-cellar which lay within reach, and hurled it at the head of the intruder. Either he dodged, however, or my aim was inaccurate ; for all I accomplished was the demolition of the crystal which protected the dial of the clock upon the mantel-piece. As for the Angel, he evinced his sense of my assault by giving me two or three hard consecutive raps upon the forehead as before. These reduc- ed me at once to submission, and I am almost ashamed to confess that either through pain or vexation, there came a few tears into my eyes. " Mein Gott ! " said the Angel of the Odd, apparently much softened at my distress ; " mein Gott, te man is eder ferry dronk or ferry zorry. You mos not trink it so strong you mos put te water in te wine. Here, trink dis, like a goot veller, und don't gry now don't ! " Hereupon the Angel of the Odd replenished my goblet (which was about a third full of Port) with a colorless fluid that he poured from one of his hand bottles. I observed that these bottles had labels about their necks, and that these labels were inscribed " Kir^chenwasser-" 282 THE ANGEL OF THE ODD. The considerate kindness of the Angel mollified me in no little measure ; and, aided by the water with which he diluted my Port more than once, I at length regained sufficient temper to listen to his very extraordinary discourse. I cannot pretend to recount all that he told me. but I gleaned from what he said that he was the genius who presided over the contretemps of mankind, and whose business it was to bring about the odd accidents which are continually astonishing the skeptic. Once or twice, upon my venturing to express my total incredulity in respect to his pre- tensions, he grew very angry indeed, so that at length I consider- ed it the wiser policy to say nothing at all, and let him have his own way. He talked on, therefore, at gre^.t length, while I merely leaned back in my chair with my eyes shut, and amused myself with munching raisins and filliping the stems about the room. But, by-and-by, the Angel suddenly construed this beha- vior of mine into contempt. He arose in a terrible passion, slouched his funnel down over his eyes, swore a vast oath, utter- ed a threat of some character which I did not precisely compre- hend, and finally made me a low bow and departed, wishing me, in the language the archbishop in Gil-Bias, " beaucuup de bon- heur et un pen plus de bon sens" His departure afforded me relief. The very few glasses of Lafitte that I had sipped had the effect of rendering me drowsy, and I felt inclined to take a nap of some fifteen or twenty minutes, as is my custom after dinner. At six I had an appoint- ment of consequence, which it was quite indispensable that I should keep. The policy of insurance for my dwelling house had expired the day before ; and, some dispute having arisen, it was agreed that, at six, I should meet the board of directors of the company and settle the terms of a renewal. Glancing upward at the clock on the mantel-piece, (for I felt too drowsy to take out my watch), I had the pleasure to find that I had still twenty- five minutes to spare. It was half past five ; I could easily walk to the insurance office in five minutes ; and my usual siestas had never been known to exceed five and twenty. I felt sufficiently safe, therefore, and composed myself to my slumbers forthwith. Having completed them to my satisfaction, I again looked THE ANGEL OF THE ODD. 283 toward the time-piece and was half inclined to believe in the possibility of odd accidents when I found that, instead of my ordinary fifteen or twenty minutes, I had been dozing only thiee ; for it still wanted seven and twenty of the appointed hour. I betook myself again to my nap, and at length a second time awoke, when, to my utter amazement, it still wanted twenty- seven minutes of six. I jumped up to examine the clock, and found that it had ceased running. My watch informed me that it was half past seven ; and, of course, having slept two hours, I was too late for my appointment. " It will make no difference," I said : " I can call at the office in the morning and apologize ; in the meantime what can be the matter with the clock ?" Upon examining it I discovered that one of the raisin stems which I been filliping about the room during the discourse of the Angel of the Odd, had flown through the fractured crystal, and lodging, singularly enough, in the key-hole, with an end projecting out- ward, had thus arrested the revolution of the minute hand. " Ah !" said I, " I see how it is. This thing speaks for itself. A natural accident, such as will happen now and then !" I gave the matter no further consideration, and at my usual hour retired to bed. Here, having placed a candle upon a read- ing stand at the bed head, and having made an attempt to peruse some pages of the " Omnipresence of the Deity," I unfortunately fell asleep in less than twenty seconds, leaving the light burning as it was. My dreams were terrifically disturbed by visions of the Angel oi the Odd. Methought he stood at the foot of the couch, drew aside the curtains, and, in the hollow, detestable tones of a rum puncheon, menaced me with the bitterest vengeance for the contempt with which I had treated him. He concluded a long harangue by taking off his funnel-cap, inserting the tube into my gullet, and thus deluging me with an ocean of Kirschenwiisser, which he poured, in a continuous flood, from one of the long necked bottles that stood him instead of an arm. My agony was at length insufferable, and I awoke just in time to perceive that a rat had run off with the lighted candle from the stand, but not in season to prevent his making his escape with it through the hole. Very soon, a strong suffocating odor assailed my nostrils; 284 THE ANGEL OF THE ODD. the house, I clearly perceived, was on fire. In a few minutes the blaze broke forth with violence, and in an incredibly brief period the entire building was wrapped in flames. All egress from my chamber, except through a window, was cut off. The crowd, however, quickly procured and raised a long ladder. By means of this I was descending rapidly, and in apparent safety, when a huge hog, about whose rotund stomach, and indeed about whose whole air and physiognomy, there was something which reminded me of the Angel of the Odd when this hog, I say, which hither*o had been quietly slumbering in the mud, *ook it suddenly into his head that his left shoulder needed scratching, and could find no more convenient rubbing-post than that afforded by the foot of the ladder. In an instant I was precipitated and had the misfortune to fracture my arm. This accident, with the loss of my insurance, and with the more serious loss of my hair, the whole of which had been singed off by the fire, predisposed me to serious impressions, so that, finally, I made up my mind to take a wife. There was a rich widow disconsolate for the loss of her seventh husband, and to her wounded spirit I offered the balm of my vows. She yielded a reluctant consent to my prayers. I knelt at her feet in gratitude and adoration. She blushed and bowed her luxu- riant tresses into close contact with those supplied me, tempo- rarily, by Grandjean. I know not how the entanglement took place, but so it was. I arose with a shining pate, wigless ; she in disdain and wrath, half buried in alien hair. Thus ended my hopes of the widow by an accident which could not have been anticipated, to be sure, but which the natural sequence of events had brought about. Without despairing, however, I undertook the siege of a less implacable heart. The fates were again propitious for a brief period; but again a trivial incident interfered. Meeting my betrothed in an avenue thronged with the elite of the city, I was hastening to greet her with one of my best considered bows, when a small particle of some foreign matter, lodging in the corner of my eye, rendered me, for the moment, completely blind. Before I could recover my sight, the lady of my love had disappeared irreparably affronted at what she chose to THE ANGEL OF THE ODD. 285 consider my premeditated rudeness in passing her by ungreeted. While I stood bewildered at the suddenness of this accident, (which might have happened, nevertheless, to any one under the sun), and while I still continued incapable of sight, I was ac- costed by the Angel of the Odd, who proffered me his aid with a civility which I had no reason to expect. He examined my disordered eye with much gentleness and skill, informed me that I had a drop in it, and (whatever a " drop" was) took it out, and afforded me relief. I now considered it high time to die, (since fortune had sc determined to persecute me), and accordingly made my way to the nearest river. Here, divesting myself of my clothes, (for there is no reason why we cannot die as we were born), I threw myself headlong into the current ; the sole witness of my fate being a solitary crow that had been seduced into the eating of brandy-saturated corn, and so had staggered away from his fellows. No sooner had I entered the water than this bird took it into his head to fly away with the most indispensable portion of my apparel. Postponing, therefore, for the present, my suicidal design, I just slipped my nether extremities into the sleeves of my coat, and betook myself to a pursuit of the felon with all tho nimbleness which the case required and its circumstances would admit. But my evil destiny attended me still. As I ran at full speed, with my nose up in the atmosphere, and intent only upon the purloiner of my property, I suddenly perceived that my feet rested no longer upon terra-firma ; the fact is, I had thrown myself over a precipice, and should inevitably have been dashed to pieces but for my good fortune in grasping the end of a long guide-rope, which depended from a passing balloon. As soon as I sufficiently recovered my senses to comprehend the terrific predicament in which I stood or rather hung, I exert- ed all the power of my lungs to make ihat predicament known to the aeronaut overhead. But for a long time I exerted myself in vain. Either the fool could not, or the villain would not perceive me. Meantime the machine rapidly soared, while my strength even more rapidly failed. I was soon upon the point of resigning myself to my fate, and dropping quietly into the sea, when my spirits were suddenly revived by hearing a 286 THE ANGEL OF THE ODD. hollow voice from above, which seemed to be lazily humming an opera air. Looking up, I perceived the Angel of the Odd. He was leaning with his arms folded, over the rim of the car ; and with a pipe in his mouth, at which he puffed leisurely, seemed to be upon excellent terms with himself and the universe. I was too much exhausted to speak, so I merely regarded him with an imploring air. For several minutes, although he looked me full in the face, he said nothing. At length removing carefully his meerschaum from the right to the left corner of his mouth, he condescended to speak. " Who pe you," he asked, " und what der teuffel you pe do dare ?" To this piece of impudence, cruelty and affectation, I could reply only by ejaculating the monosyllable " Help !" " Elp !" echoed the ruffian " not I. Dare iz te pottle elp yourself, und pe tam'd !" With these words he let fall a heavy bottle of Kirschenwasser which, dropping precisely upon the crown of my head, caused me to imagine that my brains were entirely knocked out. Im- pressed with this idea, I was about to relinquish my hold and give up the ghost with a good grace, when I was arrested by the cry of the Angel, who bade me hold on. " Old on !" he said ; " don't pe in te urry don't ! Will you pe take de odder pottle, or ave you pe got zober yet and come to your zenzes ?" I made haste, hereupon, to nod my head twice once in the negative, meaning thereby that I would prefer not taking the other bottle at present and once in the affirmative, intending thus to imply that I was sober and had positively come to my senses. By these means I somewhat softened the Angel. "Und you pelief, ten," he inquired, "at te last? You pelief, ten, in te possibility of te odd ?" I again nodded my head in assent. " Und you ave pelief in me, te Angel of te Odd ?" I nodded again. " Und you acknowledge tat you pe te blind dronk und te vool?" THE ANGEL OF THE ODD. 287 I nodded once more. " Put your right hand into your left hand preeches pocket, ten, in token ov your vull zubrnizzion unto te Angel ov te Odd." This thing, for very obvious reasons, I found it quite impossi- ble to do. In the first place, my left arm had been broken in my fall from the ladder, and, therefore, had I let go my hold with the right hand, I must have let go altogether. In the second place, I could have no breeches until I came across the crow. I was therefore obliged, much to my regret, to shake my aead in the negative intending thus to give the Angel to under- etand that I found it inconvenient, just at that moment, to comply with his very reasonable demand ! No sooner, however, had I ceased shaking my head than rf Go to der teuffel, ten !" roared the Angel of the Odd. In pronouncing these words, he drew a sharp knife across the guide-rope by which I was suspended, and as we then happened to be precisely over my own house, (which, during my peregrin- ations,* had been handsomely rebuilt,) it so occurred that I tumbled headlong down the ample chimney and alit upon the dining-room hearth. Upon coming to my senses, (for the fall had very thoroughly stunned me,) I found it about four o'clock in the morning. I lay outstretched where I had fallen from the balloon. My head grovelled in the ashes of an extinguished fire, while my feet re posed upon the wreck of a small table, overthrown, and amid the fragments of a miscellaneous dessert, intermingled with a news- paper, some broken glasses and shattered bottles, and an empty jug of the Schiedam Kirschenwasser. Thus revenged the Angel of the Odd. MELLONTA TAUTA. ON BOARD BALLOON " SKYLARK," April I, 2848. Now, iny dear friend now, for your sins, you are to suffer the infliction of a long gossiping letter. I tell you distinctly that 1 am going to punish you for all your impertinences by being as tedious as discursive, as incoherent and as unsatisfactory as pos- sible. Besides, here I am, cooped up in a dirty balloon, with some one or two hundred of the canaille, all bound on a pleasure excursion, (what a funny idea some people have of pleasure !) arid I have no prospect of touching terra Jirma for a month at least. Nobody to talk to. Nothing to do. When one has nothing to do, then is the time to correspond with one's friends. You perceive, then, why it is that I write you this letter it is on account of my ennui and your sins. Get ready your spectacles and make up your mind to be an- noyed. I mean to write at you every day during this odious voyage. Heigho ! when will any Invention visit the human pericranium ? Are we forever to be doomed to the thousand inconveniences of the balloon ? Will nobody contrive a more expeditious mode of progress ? This jog-trot movement, to my thinking, is little less than positive torture. Upon my word we have not made more than a hundred miles the hour since leaving home ! The very birds beat us at least some of them. I assure you that I do not exaggerate at all. Our motion, no doubt, seems slower than it actually is this on account of our having no objects about us by which to estimate our velocity, and on account of our going MELLONTA TAUTA. 289 with the wind. To be sure, whenever we meet a balloon we have a chance of perceiving our rate, and then, I admit, tilings do not appear so very bad. Accustomed as I am to this mode of travelling, I cannot get over a kind of giddiness whenever a balloon passes us in a current directly overhead. It always seems to me like an immense bird of prey about to pounce upon us and carry us off in its claws. One went over us this morning about sunrise, and so nearly overhead that its drag-rope actually brushed the net-work suspending our car, and caused us very serious apprehension. Our captain said that if the material of the bag had been the trumpery varnished " silk" of five hundred or a thousand years ago, we should inevitably have been damaged. This silk, as he explained it to me, was a fabric composed of the entrails of a species of earth-worm. The worm was carefully fed on mulberries a kind of fruit resembling a water-melon and, when sufficiently fat, was crushed in a mill. The paste thus arising was called papyrus in its primary state, and \\ ent through a variety of processes until it finally became " silk." Singular to relate, it was once much admired as an article of female dress ! Balloons were also very generally constructed from it. A better kind of material, it appears, was subsequently found in the down surrounding the seed-vessels of a plant vulgarly called euphorli- um, and at that time botariically termed milk-weed. This latter kind of silk was designated as silk-buckingham, on account of its superior durability; and was usually prepared for use by being varnished with a solution of gum caoutchouc a substance which in some respect must have resembled the gutta percha now in ( ommon use. This caoutchouc was occasionally called India rub- ber or rubber of whist, and was no doubt one of the numerous fungi. Never tell me again that I am not at heart an anti- quarian. Talking of drag-ropes our own, it seems, has this moment knocked a man overboard from one of the small magnetic pro- pellers that swarm in ocean below us a boat of about six thousand tons, and, from all accounts, shamefully crowded. These diminutive barques should be prohibited from carrying more than a definite number of passengers. The man, of course, was not permitted to get on board again, and was soon out of 290 MELLONTA TAUTA. sight, he; and his life-preserver. I rejoice, my dear friend, that we live iu an age so enlightened that no such a thing as an indi- vidual is supposed to exist.' It is the mass for which the true Humanity cares. By-the-by, talking of Humanity, do you know that our immortal Wiggins is not so original in his views of the Social Condition and so forth, as his cotemporaries are inclined to suppose ? Pundit assures me that the same ideas were put. nearly in the same way, about a thousand years ago, by an Irish philosopher called Furrier, on account of his keeping a retail shop for cat peltries and other furs. Pundit knows, you know ; there can be no mistake about it. How very wonderfully do we see verified every day, the profound observation of the Hindoo Aries Tottle (as quoted by Pundit) " Thus must we say that, not once or twice, or a few times, but with almost infinite repeti- tions, the same opinions come round in a circle among men." April 2. Spoke to-day the magnetic cutter in charge of the middle section of floating telegraph wires. I learn that when this species of telegraph was first put into operation by Horse, it was considered quite impossible to convey the wires over sea but now we are at a loss to comprehend where the difficulty lay ! So wags the world. Tempora mutantur excuse me for quoting the Etruscan. What would we do without the Atlantic tele- graph ? (Pundit says Atlantic was the ancient adjective.) We lay to a few minutes to ask the cutter some questions, and learned, among other glorious news, that civil war is raging in Africia, while the plague is doing its good work beautifully both in Yurope and Ayesher. Is it not truly remarkable that, before the magnifi- cent light shed upon philosophy by Humanity, the world was accustomed to regard War and Pestilence as calamities ? Do you know that prayers were actually offered up in the ancient temples to the end that these evils (!) might not be visited upon mankind ? Is it not really difficult to comprehend upon what principle of interest our forefathers acted ? Were they so blind as not to perceive that the destruction of a myriad of individuals is only so much positive advantage to the mass ! April 3. It is really a very tine amusement to ascend the rope-ladder leading to the summit of the balloon-bag and thence survey the surrounding world. From the car below, you know MELLONTA TAUTA. 291 the prospect is not so comprehensive you can see little vertically. But seated here (where I write this) in the luxuriously-cushioned open piazza of the summit, one can see everything that is going on in all directions- Just now, there is quite a crowd of balloons in sight, and they present a very animated appearance, while the air is resonant with the hum of so many millions of human voices. I have heard it asserted that when Yellow or (as Pundit witt have it) Violet, who is supposed to have been the first aeronaut, maintained the practicability of traversing the atmosphere in all directions, by merely ascending or descending until a favorable current was attained, he was scarcely hearkened to at all by his cotemporaries, who looked upon him as merely an ingenious sort of madman, because the philosophers (!) of the day declared the thing impossible. Really now it does seem to me quite unac- countable how anything so obviously feasible could have escaped the sagacity of the ancient savans. But in all ages the great obstacles to advancement in Art have been opposed by the so- called men of science. To be sure, our men of science are not quite so bigoted as those of old : oh, I have something so queer to tell you on this topic. Do you know that it is not more than a thousand years ago since the metaphysicians consented to re- lieve the people of the singular fancy that there existed but two possible roads for the attainment of Truth ! Believe it if you can ! It appears that long, long ago, in the night of Time, there lived a Turkish philosopher (or Hindoo possibly) called Aries Tottle. This person introduced, or at all events propagated what was termed the deductive or a priori mode of investigation. He started with what he maintained to be axioms or "self-evident truths," and thence proceeded " logically" to results. His great- est disciples were one Neuclid and one Cant. Well, Aries Tottle flourished supreme until the advent of one Hog, surnamed the " Ettrick Shepherd," who preached an entirely different system, which he called the a posteriori or inductive. His plan referred altogether to Sensation. He proceeded by observing, analyzing and classifying facts instuntice naturce, as they were affectedly called into general laws. Aries Tottle's mode, in a word, was based on noumena ; Hog's on phenomena. Well, so great was the admiration excited by this latter system that, at its first intro- !4J2 MELLONTA TAUTA. duction, Aiies Tottle fell into disrepute; but finally he recovered ground and was permitted to divide the realm of Truth with hi? more modern rival. The savans now maintained that the Aris- totelian and Baconian roads were the sole possible avenues tc knowledge. " Baconian," you must know, was an adjective in vented as equivalent to Hog-ian and more euphonious and dignified. Now, my dear friend, I do assure you, most positively, that 1 represent this matter fairly, on the soundest authority; and you can easily understand how a notion so absurd on its very face must have operated to retard the progress of all true know- ledge which makes its advances almost invariably by intuitive bounds. The ancient idea confined investigation to crawling ; and for hundreds of years so great was the infatuation about Hog especially, that a virtual end was put to all thinking properly so called. No man dared utter a truth to which he felt himself in- debted to his Soul alone. It mattered not whether the truth was even demonstrubly a truth, for the bullet-headed savans of the time regarded only the road by which he had attained it. They would not even look at the end. " Let us see the means," they cried, " the means !" If, upon investigation of the means, it was found to come neither under the category Aries (that is to say Ram) nor under the category Hog, why then the savans went no farther, but pronounced the "theorist" a fool, and would have nothing to do with him or his truth. Now, it cannot be maintained, even, that by the crawling sys- tem the greatest amount of truth would be attained in any long series of ages, for the repression of imagination was an evil not to be compensated for by any superior certainty in the ancient modes of investigation. The error of these Jurmains, these Vrinch, these Inglitch and these Amri^cans, (the latter, by the way, were our own immediate progenitors,) was an error quite analogous with that of the wiseacre who fancies that he must ne- cessarily see an object the better the more closely he holds it to his eyes. These people blinded themselves by details. When they proceeded Hoggishly, their " facts" were by means always facts a matter of little consequence had it not been for assum- ing that they were facts and must be facts because they appeared MELLONTA TAUTA. 293 to be such. When they proceeded on the path of the Ram, their course was scarceJv as straight as a ram's horn, for they nevet had an axiom which was an axiom at all. They must have been very blind not to see this, even in their own day ; for even in their own day many of the long " established" axioms had been rejected. For example " Ex nihilo, nihiljit ;" "a body cannot, act where it is not ;" " there cannot exist antipodes ;" * darkness cannot come out of light" all these, and a dozen other similar propositions, formerly admitted without hesitation as axioms, were, even at the period of which I speak, seen to be untenable. How absurd in these people, then, to persist in putting faith in " axioms" as immutable bases of Truth ! But even out of the mouths of their soundest reasoners it is easy to demonstrate the futility, the impalpability of their axioms in gen- eral. Who was the soundest of their logicians ? Let me see ! 1 will go and ask Pundit and be back in a minute Ah, here we have it ! Here is a book written nearly a thousand years ago and lately translated from the Inglitch which, .by the way, appears to have been the rudiment of the Amriccan. Pun- dit says it is decidedly the cleverest ancient work on its topic, Logic. The author (who was much thought of in his day) was one Miller, or Mill ; and we find it recorded of him, as a point of .- ome importance, that he had a mill-horse called Bentham. But let us glance at the treatise! Ah ! " Ability or inability to conceive," says Mr. Mill, very properly, " is in no case to be received as a criterion of axiomatic truth." What modern in his senses would ever think of disputing this truism ? The only wonder with us must be, how it happened that Mr. Mill conceived it necessary even to hint at any thing so obvious. So far good but let us turn over another page. What have we here ? k< Contradictories cannot both bo true that is, cannot co-exist in nature." Here Mr. Mill means, for example, that a tree must be either a tree or not a tree that it cannot be at the same time a tree and not a tree. Very well , but I ask him why. His reply is this and never pretends to be any thing else than this " Because it is impossible to conceive that coniradiolories can both be true." But this is no answer atall, by his own showing; for has he not just admitted as a truism that 294 MELLONTA TAUTA. " ability or inability to conceive is in no case to be icceived as a criterion of axiomatic truth." Now I do not complain of these ancients so much because theft logic is, by their own showing, utterly baseless, worthless and fantastic altogether, as because of their pompous and imbecile proscription of all other roads of Truth, of all other means for ita attainment than the two preposterous paths the one of creeping and the one of crawling to which they have dared to confine the Soul that loves nothing so well as to soar. B-the-by, my dear friend, do you not think it would have puz- zled these ancient dogmaticians to have determined by which of '/lieir two roads it was that the most important and most sublime of all their truths was, in effect, attained ? I mean the truth of Gravitation. Newton owed it to Kepler. Kepler admitted that his three laws were guessed at these three laws of all laws which led the great Inglitch mathematician to his principle, the \.a?is of all physical principle to go behind which we must enter t he Kingdom of Metaphysics. Kepler guessed that, is to say imagined. He was essentially a " theorist" that word now of so much sanctity, formerly an epithet of contempt. Would h not have puzzled these old moles too, to have explained by which of the two " roads" a cryptographist unriddles a cryptograph of more than usual secrecy, or by which of the two roads Champol- lion directed mankind to those enduring and almost innumerable truths which resulted from his deciphering the Hieroglyphics? One word more on this topic and I will be done boring you. Is it not passing strange that, with their eternal prating about roads to Truth, these bigoted people missed what we now so clearly perceive to be the great highway that of Consistency ? Does it not seem singular how they should have failed to deduce from the works of God the vital fact that a perfect consistency must be an absolute truth ! How plain has been our progress since the late announcement of this proposition! Investigation lias been taken out of the hands of the ground-moles and given, as a task, to the true and only true thinkers, the men of ardent imagination. These latter theorize. Can you not fancy the shout of scorn with which my words would be received by om progenitors were it possible for them to be now looking over my MELLONTA TAUTA. 298 shoulder ? These men, I say theorize ; and their theories are simply conected, reduced, systematized cleared, little by little, of their dross of inconsistency until, finally, a perfect consist- ency stands apparent which even the most stolid admit, because it is a consistency, to be an absolute and an unquestionable truth, April 4. The new gas is doing wonders, in conjunction with the new improvement with gutta percha. How very safe, com- modious, manageable, and in every respect convenient are our modern balloons ! Here is an immense one approaching us at the rate of at least a hundred and fifty miles an hour. It seems to be crowded with people perhaps there are three or four hundred passengers and yet it soars to an elevation of nearly a mile, looking down upon poor us with sovereign contempt. Still a hundred or even two hundred miles an hour is slow travelling, after all. Do you remember our flight on the rail- road across the Kanadaw continent ? fully three hundred miles the hour that was travelling. Nothing to be seen, though nothing to be done but flirt, feast and dance in the magnificent saloons. Do you remember what an odd sensation was experi- enced when, by chance, we caught a glimpse of external objects while the cars were in full flight? Everything seemed unique in one mass. For my part, I cannot say but that I preferred the travelling by the slow train of a hundred miles the houi Here we were permitted to have glass windows even to have them open and something like a distinct view of the country was attainable Pundit says that the route for the great Kanadaw railroad must have been in some measure marked out about nine hundred years ago ! In fact, he goes so far as to assert that actual traces of a road are still discernible traces referable to a period quite as remote as that mentioned. The track, it appears, was double only ; ours, you know, ha* twelve paths; and three or four new ones are in preparation. The ancient rails were very slight, and placed so close together as to be, according to modern notions, quite frivolous, if not dan- gerous in the extreme. The present width of track fifty feet is considered, indeed, scarcely secure enough. For my part, I make no doubt that a track of some sort must have existed in very remote times, as Pundit asserts ; for nothing can be clearer, 296 MELLONTA TAUTA. to my mind, than that, at some period not less than seven ceo turies ago, certainly the Northern and Southern Kanadaw con- tinents were united; the Kanawdians, then, would have been driven, by necessity, to a great railroad across the continent. April 5. I am almost devoured by ennui. Pundit is the only eonversible person on board ; and he, poor soul ! can speak of nothing but antiquities. He has been occupied all the day in the attempt to convince me that the ancient Amriccans governed themselves ! did ever anybody hear of such an absurdity ? that they existed in a sort of every-man-for-himself confederacy, after the fashion of the " prairie dogs" that we read of in fable. He says that they started with the queerest idea conceivable, viz : that all men are born free and equal this in the very teeth of the laws of gradation so visibly impressed upon all things both in the moral and physical universe. Every man " voted," as they called it that is to say, meddled with public affairs until, at length, it was discovered that what is everybody's busi- ness is nobody's, and that the " Republic" (so the absurd thing was called) was without a government at all. It is related, how- ever, that the first circumstance which disturbed, very parti- cularly, the self-complacency of the philosophers who constructed this " Republic," was the startling discovery that universal suf- frage gave opportunity for fraudulent schemes, by means of which any desired number of votes might at any time be polled, without the possibility of prevention or even detection, by any party which should be merely villanous enough not to be ashamed of the fraud. A little reflection upon this discovery sufficed to render evident the consequences, which were that rascality must predominate in a word, that a republican govern- ment could never be anything but a rascally one. While the philosophers, however, were busied in blushing at their stupidity in not having foreseen these inevitable evils, and intent upon the invention of new theories, the matter was put to an abrupt issue by a fellow of the name of Mob, who took everything into his own hands and set up a despotism, in comparison with which those, of the fabulous Zeros and Hellofagabaluses were respectab. e and delectable. This Mob (a foreigner, by-the-by), is said to have been the most odious of all men that ever encumbered the earth MELLONTA TAUTA. 5497 He was a giant in stature insolent, rapacious, filthy ; had the gall of a bullock with the heart of an hyena and the brains of a peacock. He died, at length, by dint of his own energies,, which exhausted him. Nevertheless, he had his use?, as every- thing has, however vile, and taught mankind a lesson which to this day it is in no danger of forgetting never to run directly contrary to the natural analogies. As for Republicanism, no analogy could be found for it upon the face of the earth unless we except the case of the " prairie dogs," an exception which seems to demonstrate, if anything, that democracy is a very ad- mirable form of government for dogs. April 6. Last night had a fine view of Alpha Lyroe, whose disk, through our captain's spy-glass, subtends an angle of half a degree, looking very much as our suu does to the naked eye on a misty day. Alpha Lyrae, although so very much larger than our sun, by-the-by, resembles him closely as regards its spots, its atmosphere, and in many other particulars. It is only within the last century, Pundit tells me. that the binary relation exist- ing between these two orbs began even to be suspected. The evident motion of our system in the heavens was (strange to say !) referred to an orbit about a prodigious star in the centre of the galaxy. About this star, or at all events about a centre of gravity common to all the globes of the Milky Way and supposed to be near Alcyone in the Pleiades, every one of these globes -was declared to be revolving, our own performing the circuit in a period of 117,000,000 of years ! We, with our present lights, our vast telescopic improvements, and so forth, of course find it difficult to comprehend the ground of an idea such as this. Its first propogator was one Mudler. He was led, we must presume, to this wild hypothesis by mere analogy in the first instance ; but, this being the case, he should have at least adhered to analogy in its development. A great central orb was, in fact, suggested ; so far Mudler was consistent. This central orb, however, dynamically, should have been greater than all its surrounding orbs taken together. The question mighl then have been asked " Why do we not see it ?" we, especially, who occupy the mid region of the cluster the very locality near which, at least, must be situated this inconceivable 298 MELLONTA TAUTA. central sun. The astronomer, perhaps, at this point, took refuge in the suggestion of non-luminosity ; and here analogy was suddenly let fall. But even admitting the central orb non- luminous, how did he manage to explain its failure to be rendered risible by the incalculable host of glorious suns glaring in all directions about it ? No doubt what he finally maintained was merely a centre of gravity common to all the revolving orbs but here again analogy 'must have been let fall. Our system revolves, it is true, about a common centre of gravity, but it does this in connection with and in consequence of a material sun whose mass more than counterbalances the rest of the system. The mathematical circle is a curve composed of an inlinity of straight lines ; but this idea of the circle this idea of it which, in regard to all earthly geometry, we consider as merely the mathematical, in contradistinction from the practical, idea is, in sober fact, the practical, concept ion which alone we have any right to entertain in respect to those Titanic circles with which we have to deal, at least in fancy, when we suppose our system, with its fellows, revolving about a point in the centre of the galaxy. Let the most vigorous of human imaginations but attempt to take a single step towards the comprehension of a circuit so unutterable ! It would scarcely be paradoxical to say that a flash of lightning itself, travelling forever upon the circumference of this inconceivable circle, would still forever be travelling in a straight line. That the path of our sun along such a circumference that the direction of our system in such an orbit would, to any human perception, deviate in the slightest degree from a straight line even in a million of years, is a proposition not to be entertained ; and yet these ancient astronomers \vere absolutely cajoled, it appears, into believing that a decisive curvature had become apparent during the brief period of their astronomical history during the mere point during the utter nothingness of two or three thousand years ! How incomprehensible, that considerations such as this did not at once indicate to them the true state of affairs that of the binary revolution of our sun and Alpha Lyrse around a common centre of gravity ! April 7 . Continued last night our astronomical amusements. MELLONTA TAUTA. 2y* Had a fine view of the five Nepturian asteroids, and watched with much interest the putting up of a huge impost on a couple of lintels in the new temple at Daphnis in the moon. It was amusing to think that creatures so diminutive as the lunarians, and bearing so little resemblance to humanity, yet evinced a me- chanical ingenuity so much superior to our own. One finds it difficult, too, to conceive the vast masses which these people handle so easily, to be as light as our reason tells us they actually are. April 8. Eureka ! Pundit is in his glory. A balloon from Kanadaw spoke us to-day and threw on board several late papers; they contain some exceedingly curious information relative to Kanawdian or rather to Amriccan antiquities. You know, I presume, that laborers have for some months been employed in preparing the ground for a new fountain at Paradise, the empe- ror's principal pleasure garden. Paradise, it appears, has been, literally speaking, an island time out of mind that is to say, its northern boundary was always (as far back as any records ex- tend) a rivulet, or rather a very narrow arm of the sea. This arm was gradually widened until it attained its present breadth a mile. The whole length of the island is nine miles; the breadth varies materially. The entire area (so Pundit says) was, about eight hundred years ago, densely packed with houses, some of them twenty stories high ; land (for some most unaccountable rea- son) being considered as especially precious just in this vicinity. The disastrous earthquake, however, of the year 2050, so totally up- rooted and overwhelmed the town (for it was almost too large to be called a village) that the most indefatigable of our antiquari- ans have never yet been able to obtain from the site any sufficient data (in the shape of coins, medals or inscriptions) wherewith to build up even the ghost of a theory concerning die manners, customs, &c. &c. &c., of the aboriginal inhabitants. Nearly all that we have hitherto known of them is, that they were a portion of the Knickerbocker tribe of savages infesting the continent at its first discovery by Recorder Riker, a knight of the Golden Fleece. They were by no means uncivilized, however, but cultivated various arts and even sciences after a fashion of their own. It is related of them that they were acute in many respects, but were oddly afflicted with a monomania for building what, in the ancient Amriccan, was denominated 300 MEJLuUJSTA TAUTA. "churches" a kind of pagoda instituted for the worship of two idols that went by the names of Wealth and Fashion. In the end, it is said, the island became, nine-tenths of it, church. The women, too, it appears, were oddly deformed by a natural protu- berance of the region just below the small of the back although, most unaccountably, this deformity was looked upon altogether in the light of a beauty. One or two pictures o f these singular women have, in fact, been miraculously preserved. They look very odd, very like something between a turkey-cock and a dromedary. Well, these few details are nearly all that have descended to us respecting the ancient Knickerbockers. It seems, however, that while digging in the centre of the emperor's garden, (which, you know, covers the whole island,) some of the workmen un- earthed a cubical and evidently chisseled block of granite, weigh- ing several hundred pounds. It was in good preservation, having received, apparently, little injury from the convulsion which entombed it. On one of its surfaces was a marble slab with (only think of it !) an inscription a legible inscription. Pundit is in ecstasies. Upon detaching the slab, a cavity ap- peared, containing a leaden box filled with various coins, a long scroll of names, several documents which appear to resemble newspapers, with other matters of intense interest to the antiqua rian ! There can be no doubt that all these are genuine Amric can relics belonging to the tribe called Knickerbocker. The papers thrown on board our balloon are filled with fee-similes of the coins, MSS., typography, &c. &c. I copy for your amuse- ment the Knickerbocker inscription on the marble slab : OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOQOOOCX This Corner Stone of a Monument to the Memory of GEORGE WASHINGTON, ^ was laid with appropriate ceremonies on the 19TH DAY OF OCTOBER, 1847, ( | the anniversary of the surrender of Lord Cornwallis to General Washington at Yorktown, A. D. 1781, under the auspices of the Washington Monument Association of the I city of New York. ) MELLONTA TAUTA. 801 This, as I give it, is a verbatim translation done bj Pundit himself, so there can be no mistake about it From the few words thus preserved, we glean several important items of know- ledge, not the least interesting of which is the fact that a thousand years ago actual monuments had fallen into disuse as was all very proper the people contenting themselves, as we do now, with a mere indication of the design to erect a monument at some future time ; a corner-stone being cautiously laid by itself " soli- tary and alone" (excuse me for quoting the great Amriccan poet Benton !) as a guarantee of the magnanimous intention. We ascertain, too, very distinctly, from this admirable inscription, the how, as well as the where and the what, of the great surrender in question. As to the where, it was Yorktown (wherever that was, and as to the what, it was General Cornwallis (no doubt some wealthy dealer in corn). He was surrendered. The in* scription commemorates the surrender of what ? why, " of Lord Coruwallis." The only question is what could the savages wish him surrendered for. But when we remember that these savages were undoubtedly cannibals, we are led to the conclusion that they intended him for sausage. As to the how of the sur- render, no language can be more explicit. Lord Cornwallis was surrendered (for sausage) " under the auspices of the Washington Monument Association" no doubt a charitable institution for the depositing of corner-stones. But, Heaven bless me ! what is the matter? Ah, I see the balloon has collapsed, and we shall have a tumble into the sea. I have, therefore, only time enough to ndd that, from a hasty inspection of the fac-similes of newspapers, &c. &c., I find that the great men in those days among the Amriccans, were one John, a smith, and one Zacchary, u tailor. Good bye, until I see you again. Whether you ever get this letter or not is a point of little importance, as I write altogether for my own amusement. I shall cork the MS. up in a bottle however, and throw it into the sea. Yours everlastingly, PUNDTTA. LOSS OF BREATH. TALE NEITHER IN NOR OUT OF " B L A c a: w 3 o D J O breathe not, &c. MOORE'S MELODIES. - THE most notorious ill-fortune must in the end, yield to the nntiring courage of philosophy as the most stubborn city to the ceaseless vigilance of an enemy. Salmanezer, as we have it in the holy writings, lay three years before Samaria ; yet it fell. Sardanapalus see Diodorus maintained himself seven in Nine- veh ; but to no purpose. Troy expired at the close of the second lustrum ; and Azoth, as Aristseus declares upon his honor as a gentleman, opened at last her gates to Psnmmitticus, after having barred them for the fifth part of a century. * * * " Thou wretch ! thou vixen ! thou shrew !" said I to my wife on the morning after our wedding, " thou witch ! thou hag! thou whipper-snapper! thou sink of iniquity! thou fieiy-faced quintessence of all that is abominable ! thou thou " here standing upon tiptoe, seizing her by the throat, and placing my mouth close to her ear, I was preparing to launch forth a new and more decided epithet of opprobrium, which should not fail, if ejaculated, to convince her of her insignificance, when, to my extreme horror and astonishment, I discovered that I had lost my breath. The phrases " I am out of breath," " I have lost my breath," &c., are often enough repeated in common conversation ; but it had never occurred to me that the terrible accident of which I speak could bona fide and actually happen ! Imagine that is if you have, a fanciful turn imagine, I say, my wonder my con- sternation my despair! LOSS OF BREATH. 303 There is a good genius, however, which has never entirely de- serted me. In my most ungovernable moods I still retain a sense of propriety, et le chemn des passions me conduit as Lord Edouard in the "Julie" says it did him a la philosophie veritable. Although I could not at first precisely ascertain to what degree the occurrence had affected me, I determined at all events to conceal the matter from my wife, until fui'ther experience should discover to me the extent of this my unheard of calamity. Alter- ing my countenance, therefore, in a moment, from its bepuffed and distorted appearance, to an expression of arch and coqeuttish benignity, I gave my lady a pat on the one cheek, and a kiss on the other, and without saying one syllable, (Furies ! I could not), left her astonished at my drollery, as I pirouetted out of the room in a Pas de Zephyr. Behold me then safely ensconced in my private boudoir, a fearful instance of the ill consequences attending upon irascibility alive, with the qualifications of the dead dead, with the pro- pensities of the living an anomoly on the face of the earth being very calm, yet breathless. Yes ! breathless. I am serious in asserting that my breath was entirely gone. I could not have stirred with it a feather if my life had been at issue, or sullied even the delicacy of a mirror. Hard fate ! yet there was some alleviation to the first over- whelming paroxysm of my sorrow. I found, upon trial, that the powers of utterance which, upon my inability to proceed in the conversation with my wife, I then concluded to be totally destroyed, were in fact only partially impeded, and I discovered that had I at that interesting crisis, dropped my voice to a sin- gularly deep guttural, I might still have continued to her the communication of my sentiments ; this pitch of voice (the gut- tural) depending, I find, not upon the current of the breath, but upon a certain spasmodic action of the muscles of the throat. Throwing myself upon a chair, I remained for some time ab- sorbed in meditation. My reflections, be sure, were of no con- solatory kind. A thousand vague and lachrymatory fancies took possession of my soul and even the idea of suicide flitted across my brain ; but it is a trait in the perversity of human 304 LOSS OF BREATH. nature to reject the obvious and the ready, for the far-distant and equivocal. Thus I shuddered at self-murder as the most decided of atrocities while the tabby cat purred strenuously upon the rug, and the very water-dog wheezed assiduously under the table ; each taking to itself much merit for the strengtli of its lungs, and all obviously done in derision of my own pulmonary incapacity. Oppressed with a tumult of vague hopes and fears, I at length heard the footsteps of my wife descending the staircase. Being now assured of her absence, I returned with a palpitating heart to the scene of my disaster. Carefully locking the door on the inside, I commenced a vigor- ous search. It was possible, I thought that, concealed in some obscure corner, or lurking in some closet or drawer, might be found the lost object of my inquiry. It might have a vapory it might even have a tangible form. Most philosophers, upon many points of philosophy, are still very unphilosophical. Wil- liam Godwin, however, says in his " Mandeville," that " invisible things are the only realities," and this all will allow, is a case in point. I would have the judicious reader pause before accusing such asseverations of an undue quantum of absurdity. Anaxa- goras, it will be remembered, maintained that snow is black, and this I have since found to be the case. Long and earnestly did I continue the investigation : but the contemptible reward of my industry and perseverance proved to be only a set of false teeth, two pair of hips, an eye, and a bun- dle of billetts-doux from Mr. Wind enough to my wife. I might is well here observe that this confirmation of my lady's partiality or Mr. W. occasioned me little uneasiness. That Mrs. Lacko- wreath should admire anything so dissimilar to myself was a natural and necessary evil. I am, it is 'well known, of a robust and corpulent appearance, and at the same time somewhat dimin- utive in stature. What wonder then that the lath-like tenuity of my acquaintance, and his altitude, which has grown into a prov- erb, should have met with all due estimation in the eyes of Mrs. Lackobreath. But to return. My exertions, as I have before said, proved fruitless. Closet after closet drawer after drawer corner after corner w-ere LOSS OF BREATH. 305 scrutinized to no purpose. At one time, however, I thought myself sure of my prize, having in rummaging a dressing-case, accidentally demolished a bottle of Grandjean's Oil of Archangels which, as an agreeable perfume, I here take the liberty of recommending. With a heavy heart I returned to my boudoir there to ponder upon some method of eluding my wife's penetration, until I could make arrangements prior to my leaving the country, for to this I had already made up my mind. In a foreign climate, being unknown, I might, with some probability of success, endeavor to conceal my unhappy calamity a calamity calculated, even more than beggary, to estrange the affections of the multitude, and to draw down upon the wretch the well-merited indignation of the virtuous and the happy. I was not long in hesitation. Being naturally quick, I committed to memory the entire tragedy of " Metamora." I had the good fortune to recollect that in the ac- centuation of this drama, or at least of such portion of it as is allotted to the hero, the tones of voice in which I found myself deficient were altogether unnecessary, and that the deep guttural was expected to reign monotonously throughout. I practised for some time by the borders of a well frequented marsh ; herein, however, having no reference to a similar pro- ceeding of Demosthenes, but from a design peculiarly and con- scientiously my own. Thus armed at all points, I determined to make my wife believe that I was suddenly smitten with a pas sion for the stage. In this, I succeeded to a miracle ; and to every question or suggestion found myself at liberty to reply in my most frog-like and sepulchral tones with some passage from the tragedy any portion of which, as I soon took great pleasure in observing, would apply equally well to any particular subject. It is not to be supposed, however, that in the delivery of such passages I was found at all deficient in the looking asquint the showing my teeth the working my knees the shuffling my feet or in any of those unmentionable graces which are now justly considered the characteristics of a popular performer. To be sure they spoke of confining me in a straight-jacket but, good God ! they never suspected me of having lo&t iny breath. 306 LOSS OF BREATH. Having at length put my affairs in order, I took iriy seat verj early one morning in the mail stage for , giving it to be un- derstood, among my acquaintances, that business of the last im- portance required my immediate personal attendance in that city. The coach was crammed to repletion ; but in the uncertain twilight the features of my companions could not be distinguished. Without making any effectual resistance, I suffered myself to be placed between two gentlemen of colossal dimensions ; while * third, of a size larger, requesting pardon for the liberty he was about to take, threw himself upon my body at full length, and falling asleep in an instant, drowned all my guttural ejaculations for relief, in a snore which would have put to blush the roarings of the bull of Phalaris. Happily the state of my respiratory /acuities rendered suffocation an accident entirely out of the question. As, however, the day broke more distinctly in our approach JT> the outskirts of the city, my tormentor arising and adjusting his shirt-collar, thanked me in a very friendly manner for my civility. Seeing that I remained motionless, (all my limbs were dislocated and my head twisted on one side,) his apprehensions began to be excited ; and arousing the rest of the passengers, he communicated in a very decided manner, his opinion that a dead man had been palmed upon them during the night for a living and responsible fellow-traveller ; here giving me a thump on the right eye, by way of demonstrating the truth of his suggestion. Hereupon all, one after another, (there were nine in company), believed it their duty to pull me by the ear. A young practising physician, too, having applied a pocket-mirror to my mouth, and found me without breath, the assertion of my persecutor was pronounced a true bill ; and the whole party expressed a deter- mination to endure tamely no such impositions for the futui'e, and to proceed no farther with any such carcasses for the present. I was here, accordingly, thrown out at the sign of the " Crow," (by which tavern the coach happened to be passing,) without meeting with any farther accident than the breaking of both my arms, under the left hind wheel of the vehicle. I must besides do the driver the justice to state that he did not forget to throw LOSS OF BREATH. 307 after me the largest of my trunks, which, unfortunately falling on my head, fractured my skull in a manner at once interesting and extraordinary. The landlord of the " Crow," who is a hospitable man, finding that my trunk contained sufficient to indemnify him for any little trouble he might take in my behalf, sent forthwith for a surgeon of his acquaintance, and delivered me to his care with a bill and receipt for ten dollars. The purchaser took me to his apartments and commenced operations immediately. Having cut off my ears, however, he discovered signs of animation. He now rang the bell, and sent for a neighboring apothecary with whom to consult in the emer- gency. In case of his suspicions with regard to my existence proving ultimately correct, he, in the meantime, made an incision in my stomach, and removed several of my viscera for private dissection. The apothecary had an idea that I was actually dead. This idea I endeavored to confute, kicking and plunging with all ray might, and making the most furious contortions for the opera- tions of the surgeon had, in a measure, restored me to the posses- sion of my faculties. All, however, was attributed to the effects of a new galvanic battery, wherewith the apothecary, who is really a man of information, performed several curious experi- ments, in which, from my personal share in their fulfilment, I could not help feeling deeply interested. It was a source of mortification to me neyertheless, that although I made several attempts at conversation, my powers of speech were so entirely in abeyance, that I could not even open my mouth ; much less then make reply to some ingenious but fanciful theories of which, un- der other circumstances, my minute acquaintance with the Hip- pocratian pathology would have afforded me a ready confutation. Not being able to arrive at a conclusion, the practitioners remanded me for farther examination. I was taken up into a garret ; and the surgeon's lady having accommodated me with drawers and stockings, the surgeon himself fastened my hands, and tied up my jaws with a pocket handkerchief then bolted the door on the outside as he hurried to his dinner, leaving me alone to silence anil to meditation. 308 LOSS OF BREATH. I now discovered to ray extreme delight that 1 ;ould have spoken had not my mouth been tied up by the pocket handker- chief. Consoling myself with this reflection, I was mentally re- peating some passages of the " Omnipresence of the Deity," as is my custom before resigning myself to sleep, when two cats, of a greedy and vituperative turn, entering at a hole in the wall, leaped up with a flourish a la Cataluni, and alighting opposite one another on my visage, betook themselves to indecorous con- tention for the paltry consideration of my nose. But, as the loss of his ears proved the means of elevating to the throne of Cyrus, the Magian or Mige-Gush of Persia, and as the cutting off his nose gave Zopyrus possession of Babylon, so the loss of a few ounces of my countenance proved the salvation of my body. Aroused by the pain, and burning with indignation, I burst, at a single effort, the fastenings and the bandage. Stalk ing across the room I cast a glance of contempt at the belliger- ants, and throwing open the sash to their extreme horror and disappointment, precipitated myself, very dexterously, from the window. The mail-robber W , to whom I bore a singular resem- blance, was at this moment passing from the city jail to the scaffold erected for his execution in the suburbs. His extreme 1 infirmity, and long continued ill health, had obtained him the privilege of remaining unmanacled ; and habited in his gallows costume one very similar to my own he lay at full length in the bottom of the hangman's cart (which happened to be under the windows of the surgeon at the moment of my precipitation) without any other guard than the driver who was asleep, and two recruits of the sixth infantry, who were drunk. As ill-luck would have it, I alit upon my feet within the vehi- cle. W , who was an acute fellow, perceived his opportu- nity. Leaping up immediately, he bolted out behind, and turning down an alley, was out of sight in the twinkling of an eye. The recruits, aroused by the bustle, could not exactly com- prehend the merits of the transaction. Seeing, however, a man, the precise counterpart of the felon, standing upright in the cart before their eyes, they were of opinion that the rascal (meaning \\r .) was a fter making his escape, (so they expressed LOSS OF BREATH. 309 themselves,) and, having communicated this opinion to one another, they took each a dram, and then knocked me down with the butt-ends of their muskets. It was not long ere we arrived at the place of destination. Of course nothing could be said in my defence. Hanging was my inevitable fate. I resigned myself thereto with a feeling half stupid, half acrimonious. Being little of a cynic, I had all the sentiments of a dog. The hangman, however, adjusted the noose about my neck. The drop fell. I forbear to depict my sensations upon the gallows ; although here, undoubtedly, I could speak to the point, and it is a topic upon which nothing has been well said. In fact, to write upon such a theme it is necessary to have been hanged. Every author should confine himself to matters of experience. Thus Mark Antony composed a treatise upon getting drunk. I may just mention, however, that die I did not. My body teas, but I had no breath to le suspended ; and but for the knot under my left ear (which had the feel of a military stock) I dare say that I should have experienced very little inconvenience. As for the jerk given to my neck upon the falling of the drop, it merely proved a corrective to the twist afforded me by the fat gentleman in the coach. For good reasons, however, I did my best to give the crowd the worth of their trouble. My convulsions were said to be ex- traordinary. My spasms it would have been difficult to beat. The populace encored. Several gentlemen swooned ; and a mul- titude of ladies were carried home in hysterics. Pinxit availed himself of the opportunity to retouch, from ?> sketch taken upon the spot, his admirable painting of the " Mavsyas flayed alive," When I had afforded sufficient amusement, it was thought proper to remove my body from the gallows ; this the more especially as the real culprit had in the meantime been retaken and recognized; a fact which I was so unlucky as not to know. Much sympathy was, of course exercised in my behalf, and as no one made claim to my corpse, it was ordered that I should be interred in a public vault. Here, after due interval, I w r as deposited. The sexton depart edj and I was left alone. A line of Mars ton's " Malcontent'' 310 LOSS OF BREATH. Death's a good fellow and keeps open house struck me at that moment as a palpable lie. I knocked off, however, the lid of my coffin, and stepped out. The place was dreadfully dreary and damp, and I became troubled with ennui. By way of amusement, I felt my way among the numerous coffins ranged in order around. I lifted them down, one by one. and breaking open their lids, busied myself in specu- lations about the mortality within. " This,'" I soliloquized, tumbling over a carcass, puffy, bloatedj and rotund " this has been, no doubt, in every sense of the word, an unhappy an unfortunate man. It has been his terrible lot not to walk, but to waddle to pass through life not like a human being, but like an elephant not like a man, but like a rhino- ceros. " His attempts at getting on have been mere abortions, and his circumgyratory proceedings a palpable failure. Taking a step forward, it has been his misfortune to take two towards the right, and three towards the left. His studies have been confined to the poetry of Crabbe. He can have had no idea of the wonder of a pirouette. To him a pas de papitton has been an abstract conception. He has never ascended the summit of a hill. He has never viewed from any steeple the glories of a metropolis.. Heat has been his mortal enemy. In the dog-days his days have been the days of a dog. Therein, he has dreamed of flames and suffocation of mountains upon mountains of Pelion upon Ossa. He was short of breath to say all in a word, he was short of breath. He thought it extravagant to play upon wind instru- ments. He was the inventor of self-moving fans, wind-sails, and ventilators. He patronized Du Pont the bellows-maker, and died miserably in attempting to smoke a cigar. His was a case in which I feel a deep interest a lot in which I sincerely sym- pathize. " But here," said I " here" and I dragged spitefully from its receptacle a gaunt, tall, and peculiar-looking form, whose re- markable appearance struck me with a sense of unwelcome familiarity "here is a wretch entitled to no earthly commisera- tion," Thus saying, in order to obtain a more distinct view of LOSS OF BREATH. 311 my subject, I applied my thumb and fore-finger to its nose, and causing it to assume a sitting position upon the. ground, held it thus, at the length of my arm, while I continued my soliloquy. " Entitled," I repeated, " to no earthly commiseration. Who indeed would think of compassionating a shadow ? Besides, has he not had his full share of the blessings of mortality ? He was the originator of tall monuments shot-towers lightning-rods lombardy poplars. His treatise upon " Shades and Shadows" has immortalized him. He edited with distinguished ability the last edition of " South on the Bones." He went early to college and studied pneumatics. He then came home, talked eternally, and played upon the French-horn. He patronized the bag-pipes, Captain Barclay, who walked against Time, would not walk against him. Windham and Allbreath were his favorite writers. his favorite artist, Phiz. He died gloriously while inhaling gas levique flatu corrupitor, like the fama pudicitice in Hiero- nymus.* He was indubitably a " " How can you ? how can you ?" interrupted the object of my animadversions, gasping for breath, and tearing off, with a desperate exertion, the bandage around its jaws " how can you, Mr. Lackobreath, be so infernally cruel as to pinch me in that manner by the nose ? Did you not see how they had fastened up my mouth and you must know if you know anything how vast a superfluity' of breath I have to dispose of! If you do not know, however, sit down and you shall see. In my situation it is really a great relief to be able to open one's mouth to be able to expatiate to be able to communicate with a person like your- self, who do not think yourself called upon at every period to interrupt the thread of a gentleman's discourse. Interruptions are annoying and should undoubtedly be abolished don't you think so ? no reply, I beg you, one person is enough to be speaking at a time. I shall be done by-and-by, and then you may begin. How the devil, sir, did you get into this place ? not a word I beseech you been here some time myself terrible accident ! heard of it, I suppose awful calamity ! walking * Tenera res in feminis famas pudicitice, et quasi flos pidchcrrimus, ciu id levem marf.essit auram, levique flatu corrupitur, maximc, &c. Hierouymus ad Salvinam. 312 LOSS OF BREATH. tinder your windows some short while ago about the time you were stage-struck horrible occurrence ! heard of " catchin a one's breath," eh ? hold your tongue I tell you ! I caught somebody else's ! had always too much of my own met Blab at the corner of the street would'nt give me a chance for a word > could'nt get in a syllable edgeways attacked, consequently, wilh epilepsis Blab made his escape damn all fools ! they took me up for dead, and put me in this place pretty doings all of them ! heard all you said about me every word a lie horri- ble ! wonderful ! outrageous ! hideous ! incomprehensible ! et cetera et cetera et cetera et cetera " It is impossible to conceive my astonishment at so unexpected a discourse ; or the joy with which I became gradually convinced that the breath so fortunately caught by the gentleman (whom I soon recognized as my neighbor Windenough) was, in fact, the identical expiration mislaid by myself in the conversation with my wife. Time, place, and circumstance rendered it a matter beyond question. I did not, however, immediately release iny hold upon Mr. W.'s proboscis not at least during the long period in which the inventor of lombardy-poplars continued to favor me with his explanations. In this respect I was actuated by that habitual prudence which has ever been my predominating trait. I reflected that many difficulties might still lie in the path of my preservation which only extreme exertion on my part would be able to surmount. Many persons, I considered, are prone to estimate commodities in their possession however valueless to the then proprietor however troublesome, or distressing in direct ratio with the ad- vantages to be derived by others from their attainment, or by themselves from their abandonment. Might not this be the case with Mr. Windenough? In displaying anxiety for the breath of which he was at present so willing to get rid, might I not lay myself open to the exactions of his avarice ? There are scoun- drels in this world, I remembered with a sigh, who will not scru- ple to take unfair opportunities with even a next door neighbor, and (this remark is from Epictetus) it is precisely at that time when men are most anxious to throw off the burden of their own LOSS OF DREATH 813 calamities that they feel the least desirous cf relieving them in others. Upon considerations similai to these, and still retaining my grasp upon the nose of Mr. W., I accordingly thought proper to model my reply. " Monster !" I began in a tone of the deepest indignation, " monster ; and double-winded idiot ! dost t/iou, whom for thine iniquities, it has pleased heaven to accurse with a two-fold respi- ration dost thou, I say, presume to address me in the familiar language of an old acquaintance? " I lie," forsooth! and "hold my tongue," to be sure ! pretty conversation indeed, to a gen- tleman with a single breath ! all this, too, when I have it in my power to relieve the calamity under which thou dost so justly suffer to curtail the superfluities of thine unhappy respiration." Like Brutus, I paused for a reply with which, like a tornado. Mr. Windenough immediately overwhelmed me. Protestation followed upon protestation, and apology upon apology. There were no terms with which he was unwilling to comply, and there were none of which I failed to take the fullest advantage. Preliminaries being at length arranged, my acquaintance de- livered me the respiration ; for which (having carefully exam- ined it) I gave him afterwards a receipt. I am aware that by many I shall be held to blame for speaking, in a manner so cursory, of a transaction so impalpable. It will be thought that I should have entered more minutely into the details of an occurrence by which and this is very true much new light might be thrown upon a highly interesting branch of physical philosophy. To all this I am sorry that I cannot reply. A hint is the only answer which I am permitted to make. There were circumstan- ces but I think it much safer upon consideration to say as little as possible about an affair so delicate so delicate, I repeat, and and at the time involving the interests of a third party whose sulphurous resentment I have not the least desire, at this moment, of incurring. . We were not long after this necessary arrangement in effecting an escape from the dungeons of the sepulchre. The united strength of our resuscitated voices was soon sufficiently apparent 3U LOSS OF BREATH. Scissors, the Whig Editor, republished a treatise upon "the na- ture and origin of subterranean noises." A reply rejoin- der confutation and justification followed in the columns of a Democratic Gazette. It was not until the opening of the vault to decide the controversy, that the appearance of Mr. Windenough and myself proved both parties to have been decidedly in the wrong. I cannot conclude these details of some very singular passages in a life at all times sufficiently eventful, without again recalling to the attention of the reader the merits of that indiscriminate philosophy which is a sure and ready shield against those shafts of calamity which can neither be seen, felt, nor fully understood. It was in the spirit of this wisdom that, among the Ancient He- brews, it was believed the gates of Heaven would be inevitably opened to that sinner, or saint, who, with good lungs and implicit confidence, should vociferate the word " Amen!" It was in the spirit cf this wisdom that, when a great plague raged at Athens, and every means had been in vain attempted for its removal, Epimenides, as Laertius relates in his second book of that phi- losopher, advised the erection of a shrine and temple " to the pro- per God/* LYTTLETON BARRY. THE MAN THAT WAS USED UP. A TALE OF THE LATE BUGABOO AND KICKAPOO CAMPAIGN Pleurez, pleurei, mes yeux, etfondei vous en caul La moitie de ma vie a mis I' autre an tumbcau.. CORNKILLK. I CANNOT just now remember when or where I first made the acquaintance of that truly fine-looking fellow, Brevet Brigadier General John A. B. C. Smith. Some one did in- troduce me to the gentleman, I am sure at some public meeting, 1 know very well held about something of great importance, no doubt at some place or other, I feel convinced, whose name I have unaccountably forgotten. The truth is that the introduc- tion was attended, upon my part, with a degree of anxious embar- rassment which operated to prevent any definite impressions of either time or place. I am constitutionally nervous this, with me, is a family failing, and I can't help it. In especial, the slightest appearance of mystery of any point I cannot exactly comprehend puts me at once into a pitiable state of agitation. There was something, as it were, remarkable yes, remarkable, although this is but a feeble term to express my full meaning about the entire individuality of the personage in question. He was, perhaps, six feet in height and of a presence singularly commanding. There was an air distingue pervading the whole man, which spoke of high breeding, and hinted at high birth. Upon this topic the topic of Smith's personal appearance 1 have a kind of melancholy satisfaction in being minute. His head of hair would have done honor to a Brutus ; nothing could be more richly flowing, or possess a brighter gloss. I: vvas of a jetty black ; which was also the color, or more 310 THE MAN THAT WAS USED L'P. properly the no color, of his unimaginable whiskers. You perceive I cannot speak of these latter without enthusiasm , it is not too much to say that they were the handsomest pair of whiskers under the sun. At all events, they encircled, and at times partially overshadowed, a mouth utterly unequalled. Here were the most entirely even, and the most brilliantly white of all conceivable teeth. From between them, upon every proper occasion, issued a voice of surpassing clearness, melody, and strength. In the matter of eyes, also, my acquaintance was pre-eminently endowed. Either one of such a pair was worth a couple of the ordinary ocular organs. They were of a deep hazel, exceedingly large and lustrous ; and there was perceptible about them, ever and anon, just that amount of interesting obliquity which gives pregnancy to expression. The bust of the General was unquestionably the finest bust I ever saw. For your life you could not have found a fault with il. wonderful proportion. This rare peculiarity set off to great advantage a pair of shoulders which would have called up a blut'.h of conscious inferiority into the countenance of the marble Apollo. I have a passion for fine shoulders, and may say that T never beheld them in perfection before. The arms altogether were admirably modelled. Nor were the lower limbs less superb. These were, indeed, the ne plus ultra of good legs. Every connoisseur in such matters admitted the legs to be good. There was neither too much flesh, nor too little, neither rude- ness nor fragility. I could not imagine a more graceful curve than that of the os femoris, and there was just that due gentle prominence in the rear of the fibula which goes to the conforma- tion of a properly proportioned calf. I wish to God my young and talented friend Chiponchipino, the sculptor had but seen the legs of Brevet Brigadier General John A. B. C. Smith. But although men so absolutely fine-looking are neither a.s plenty as reasons or blackberries, still I could not bring myself to believe that the remarkable something to which I alluded just now, that the odd air of je ne sais quoi which hung about my new acquaintance, lay altogether, or indeed at all, in the supreme excellence of his bodily endowments. Perhaps it might be traced to the manner ; yet here again I could not pretend to THE MAN THAT WAS USED UP. 317 be positive. There was a primness, not to say stiffness, in hia carriage a degree of measured, and, if 1 may so express it, of rectangular precision, attending his every movement, which, observed in a more diminutive figure, would have had the least little savor in the world, of affectation, pomposity or constraint, but which noticed in a gentleman of his undoubted dimensions, was readily placed to the account of reserve, hauteur of a commendable sense, in short, of what is due to the dignity of colossal proportion. The kind friend who presented me to General Smith whis- pered in my ear some few words of comment upon the man. He was a remarkable man a very remarkable man indeed one of the most remarkable men of the age. He was an especial favorite, too, with the ladies chiefly on account of his high reputation for courage. " In that point he is unrivalled indeed he is a perfect desperado a down-right fire-eater, and no mistake," said my friend, here dropping his voice excessively low, and thrilling me with the mystery of his tone. " A downright fire-eater, and no mistake. Showed that, 1 should say, to some purpose, in the late tremendous swa.mp-figh' away down South, with the Bugaboo and Kickapco Indians." [Here my friend opened his eyes to some extent.] " Bless my soul ! blood and thunder, and all that ! -prodigies of valor I- heard of him of course ? you know he's the man" " Man alive, how do you do ? why how are ye ? very glad to see ye, indeed !" here interrupted the General himself, seizing my companion by the hand as he drew near, and bowing stiffly but profoundly, as I was presented. 1 then thought, (and I think so still,) ',hat I never heard a clearer nor a stronger voice nor beheld a finer set of teeth : but I must say that I was sorry for the interruption just at that moment, as, owing to the whispers and insinuations aforesaid, my interest had beer, greatly excited in the hero of the Bugaboo and Kickapoc campaign. However, the delightfully luminous conversation of BreveJ Brigadier General John A. B. C. Smith soon completely di.s' sipated this chagrin. My friend leaving us immediately, we had 318 THE MAN THAT WAS USED UP quite a long tete-a-tete, and I was not only pleased but really-* instructed. I never heard a more fluent talker, or a man of greater general information. With becoming modesty, he forebore, nevertheless, to touch upon the theme I had just then most at heart I mean the mysterious circumstances attending the Bugaboo war and, on my own part, what I conceive to be a proper sense of delicacy forbade me to broach the subject ; although, in truth, I was exceedingly tempted to do so. I perceived, too, that the gallant soldier preferred topics of philosophical interest, and that he delighted, especially in com- menting upon the rapid march of mechanical invention. Indeed, lead him where I would, this was a point to which he invariably came back. " There is nothing at all like it," he would say ; " we are a wonderful people, and live in a wonderful age. Parachutes and rail-roads man-traps and spring-guns ! Our steam-boats are upon every sea, and the Nassau balloon packet is about to run regular trips (fare either way only twenty pounds sterling) between London and Timbuctoo. And who shall calculate the immense influence upon social life upon arts upon commerce -^upon literature which will be the immediate result of the gr'.at principles of electro magnetics! Nor, is this all, let me assure you ! There is really no end to the march of invention. The most wonderful the most ingenious and let me add, Mr. Mr. Thompson, I believe, is your name let me add, I say \he most useful the most truly useful mechanical contrivances, are daily springing up like mushrooms, if I may so express myself, or, more figuratively, like ah grasshoppers like grasshoppers, Mr. Thompson about us and ah ah ah around us !" Thompson, to be sure, is not my name ; but it is needless to say that I left General Smith with a heightened interest in the man, with an exalted opinion of his conversational powers, and a tleep sense of the valuable privileges we enjoy in living in this age of mechanical invention. My curiosity, however, had not beer?, altogether satisfied, and I resolved to prosecute immediate inquiry among my acquaintances touching the Brevet Brigadier General himself, and particularly respecting the tremendo. . THE MAN THAT WAS USED UP. :j!9 events cpwrum pars magnafuit, during the Bugaboo and Kicka- poo campaign. Th Q first opportunity vhich presented itself, and which (hor~ resco rejerens) I did not in the least scruple to seize, occurred at the Church of the Reverend Doctor Drummummupp, where I found myself established, one Sunday, just at sermon time, not only in the pew, but by the side, of that worthy and communica- tive little friend of mine, Miss Tabitha T. Thus seated, I con- gratulated myself, and with much reason, upon the very flatter- ing state of affairs. If any person knew anything about Brevet Brigadier General John A. B. C. Smith, that person, it was clear to me, was Miss Tabitha T. We telegraphed a few signals, and then commenced, sotto voce, a brisk tete-a-tete. "Smith!" said she, in reply to my very earnest inquiry; " Smith ! why, not General John A. B. C. ? Bless me, I thought you knew all about him ! This is a wonderfully inven- tive age ! Horrid affair that ! a bloody set of wretches, those Kickapoos ! fought like a hero prodigies of valor immortal renown. Smith ! Brevet Brigadier General John A. B. C. ! why, you know he's the man" " Man," here broke in Doctor Drummummupp, at the top of his voice, and with a thump that came near knocking the pulpit about our ears ; " man that is born of a woman hath but a short time to live ; he cometh up and is cut down like a flower !" I started to the extremity of the pew, and perceived by the ani- mated looks of the divine, that the wrath which had nearly proved fatal to the pulpit had been excited by the whispers of the lady and myself. There was no help for it; so I submitted with a good grace, and listened, in all the martyrdom of dignified silence, to the balance of that very capital discourse. Next evening found me a somewhat late visitor at the Ranti- pole theatre, where I felt sure of satisfying my curiosity at once, by merely stepping into the box of those exquisite specimens of affability and omniscience, the Misses Arabelli and Miranda Cognoscenti. That fine tragedian, Climax, was doing lago to a very crowded house, and I experienced some little difficulty in making my wishes understood ; especially, as our box was next the slips, and completely overlooked the stage. 320 THE MAN THAT WAS USED UP. " Smith ? " said Miss Arabella, as she at length comprehended the purport of my query ; " Smith ? why, not General John A. B. a?" " Smith ? " inquired Miranda, musingly. " God bless me, did you ever behold a finer figure ?" " Never, madam, but do tell me" "Or so inimitable grace?" " Never, upon my word ! but pray inform me" "Or so just an appreciation of stage effect?" "Madam!" " Or a more delicate sense of the true beauties of Shakes* peare ? Be so good as to look at that leg ! " " The devil ! " and I turned again to her sister. "Smith?" said she, "why, not General John A. B. C. ? Horrid affair that, wasn't it ? great wretches, those Bugaboos savage and so on but we live in a wonderfully inventive age ! Smith ! yes ! great man ! perfect desperado immortal renown prodigies of valor! Never heard!" [This was given in a scream.] " Bless my soul ! why, he's the man" " mandragora Nor all the drowsy syrups of the world Shall ever medicine thee to that sweet sleep Which thou owd'st yesterday !" here roared out Climax just in my ear, and shaking his fist in my face all the time, in a way that I couldn't stand, and I ivouldn't. I left the Misses Cognoscenti immediately, went behind the scenes forthwith, and gave the beggarly scoundrel such a thrash- ing as I trust he will remember to the day of his death. At the soiree of the lovely widow, Mrs. Kathleen O'Trump, I was confident that I should meet with no similar disappointment. Accordingly, I was no sooner seated at the card-table, with my pretty hostess for a vis-a-vis, than I propounded those questions the solution of which had become a matter so essential to my peace. " Smith ?" said my partner, " why, not General John A. B. C. ? Horrid affair that, wasn't it ? diamonds, did you say ? terrible wretches those Kinkapoos ! we are playing ivhist, if you please, Mr. Tattle howe< :r, this is the age of invention, most certainly THE MAN THAT WAS USED UP. 331 the age. one may say the age par excellence speak French ? oh, quite a hero perfect desperado ! no hearts, Mr. Tattle ? I don't believe it ! immortal renown and all that prodigies of valor! Never heard! ! why, bless me, he's the man" " Mann ? Captain Mann ? " here screamed some little femi- nine interloper from the farthest corner of the room. " Are you talking about Captain Mann and the duel ? oh, I must hear do tell go on, Mrs. O'Trump ! do now go on ! " And go on Mrs. O'Trump did all about a certain Captain Mann, who was either shot or hung, or should have been both shot and hung. Yes! Mrs. O'Trump, she went on, and I I went off. There was no chance of hearing anything farther that evening in regard to Brevet Brigadier General John A. B. C. Smith. Still I consoled myself with the reflection that the tide of ill luck would not run against me forever, and so determined to make a bold push for information at the rout of that bewitching little angel, the graceful Mrs. Pirouette. " Smith ? " said Mrs. P., as we twirled about together in a pas de zephyr, " Smith ? why not General John A. B. C. ? Dread- ful business that of the Bugaboos, wasn't it ? terrible creatures, those Indians ! do turn out your toes ! I really am ashamed of you man of great courage, poor fellow ! but this is a won derful age for invention O dear me, I'm out of breath quite a desperado prodigies of valor never heard! ! can't believe it I shall have to sit down and enlighten you Smith ! why, he's *he man" l Man-Fred, I tell you!" here bawled out Miss Bas-Bleu, as I lea Mrs. Pirouette to a seat. " Did ever anybody hear the like ? It's Man-Fred, I say, and not at all by any means Man- Friday." Here Miss Bas-Bleu beckoned to me in a very per- emptory manner ; and I was obliged, will I nill I, to leave Mrs. P. for the purpose of deciding a dispute touching the title of a certain poetical drama of Lord Byron's. Although I pronounced, with great promptness, that the true title was Man-Friday, and not by any means Man-Fred, yet when I returned to seek Mrs. Pirouette she was not .to be discovered, and I made my retreat from the house in a very bitter spirit of animosity against ttw whole race of the Bas-Bleus- 322 THE MAN THAT WAS USED UP. Matters had now assumed a really serious aspect, and I resolv- ed to ca.l at once upon my particular friend, Mr. Theodore Sini- vate ; for I knew that here at least I should get something like definite information. " Smith ? " said he, in his well-known peculiar way of dra\\ 1- in~ out his syllables ; " Smith ? why, not General John A . B C. ? Savage affair that with the Kickapo-o-o-os, wasn't it ? Say don't you think so ? perfect despera-a-ado great pity, pon my honor ! wonderfully inventive age ! pro-o-odigies of valor ! By the by, did you ever hear about Captain Ma-a-a-a-n ?" " Captain Mann be d d ! " said I, " please to go on with your story." " Hem ! oh well ! quite la meme cho-o-ose, as we say in France. Smith, eh ? Brigadier General John A B C. ? I say" [here Mr. S. thought proper to put his linger to the side of his nose] " I say, you don't mean to insinuate now, really and truly, and conscientiously, that you don't know all about that affair of Smith's, as well as I do, eh ? Smith ? John A B C. ? Why, bless me, he's the ma-a-an" " Mr. Sinivate," said I, imploringly, " is he the man in the mask?" " No-o-o !" said he, looking wise, " nor the man in the mo-o-on.'' This reply I considered a pointed and positive insult, and so left the house at once in high dudgeon, with a fii'm resolve to call my friend, Mr. Sinivate, to a speedy account for his ungentle- manly conduct and ill-breeding. In the meantime, however, I had no notion of being thwarted touching the information I desired. There was one resource left me yet. I would go to the fountain-head. I would call forth- with upon the General himself, and demand, in explicit terms, a solution of this abominable piece of mystery. Here, at least, there should be no chance for equivocation. I would be plain, positive, peremptory as short as pie-crust as concise as Taci tus or Montesquieu. It was early when I called, and the General was dressing but I pleaded urgent business, and was shown at once into his bed-room by an old negro valet, who remained in attendance during my visit. As I entered the chamber, I looked about, of THE MAN THAT WAS USED UP. 323 course, for the occupant, but did not immediately perceive him. There was a large and exceedingly odd-looking bundle of some- thing which lay close by my feet on the floor, and, as I was not hi the best humor in the world, I gave it a kick out of the way. " Hem ! ahem ! rather civil that, I should say !" said the bun- dle, in one of the smallest, and altogether the funniest little voices, between a squeak and a whistle, that I ever heard in all the days of my existence. " Ahem ! rather civil that, I should observe." I fairly shouted with terror, and made off, at a tangent, into the farthest extremity of the room. " God bless me ! my dear fellow," here again whistled the bundle, " what what what why, what is the matter ? I really believe you don't know me at all." What could I say to all this what could I ? I staggered into an arm-chair, and, with staring eyes and open mouth, awaited the solution of the wonder. " Strange you shouldn't know me though, isn't it ?" presently re-squeaked the nondescript, which I now perceived was per- performing, upon the floor, some inexplicable evolution, very analagous to the drawing on of a stocking. There was only a single leg, however, apparent. " Strange you shouldn't know me, though, isn't it ? Pornpey, bring me that leg !" Here Pompey handed the bundle, a very capital cork leg, already dressed, which it screwed on in a trice ; and then it stood up before my eyes. " And a bloody action it was" continued the thing, as if in a soliloquy ; " but then one musn't fight with the Bugaboos and Kickapoos, and think of coining off with a mere scratch. Pom- pey, I'll thank you now for that arm. Thomas'' [turning to me] " is decidedly the best hand at a cork leg ; but if you should ever want an arm, my dear fellow, you must really let nie recommend you to Bishop." Here Pompey screwed on an arm " We had rather hot work of it, that you may say. Now, you 3og, slip on my shoulders and bosom ! Pettitt makes the best shoulders, but for a bosom you will have to go to Ducrow." " Bosom !" said I. " Pompey, will you never be ready with that wig ? Scalping 324 THE MAN THAT WAS USED UP. ri a rough process after all; but then you can procure such capital scratch at De L'Orme's." " Scratch !" " Now, you nigger, my teeth ! For a good set of these you had better go to Family's at once ; high prices, but excellent work. I swallowed some very capital articles, though, when the big Bugaboo rammed me down with the but end of his rifle." " Butt end ! ram down ! ! my eye ! ! " " O yes, by-the-by, my eye here, Pompey, you scamp, screw it in ! Those Kickapoos are not so very slow at a gouge ; but he's a belied man, that Dr. Williams, after all ; you can't im- agine how well I see with the eyes of his make." I now began very clearly to perceive that the object before me was nothing more nor less than my new acquaintance. Brevet Brigadier General John A. B. C. Smith. The manipulations of Pompey had made, I must confess, a very striking difference in the appearance of the personal man. The voice, however, still puzzled me no little ; but even this apparent mystery was speed- ily cleared up. " Pompey, you black rascal," squeaked the General, " I really do believe you would let me go out without my palate." Hereupon the negro, grumbling out an apology, went up to his master, opened his mouth with the knowing air of a horse-jockey, and adjusted therein a somewhat singular-looking machine, in a very dexterous manner, that I could not altogether comprehend. The alteration, however, in the entire expression of the General's countenance was instantaneous and surprising. When he again spoke, his voice had resumed all that rich melody and strength which I had noticed upon our original introduction. " D n the vagabonds ! " said he, in so clear a tone that I posi- tively started at the change, " D n the vagabonds ! they not only knocked in the roof of my mouth, but took the trouble to cut off at least seven-eighths of my tongue. There is'nt Bon- fanti's equal, however, in America, for really good articles of this description. I can recommend you to him with confidence," [here the General bowed,] and assure you *hat 1 have the great- est pleasure in so doing." THE MAN THAT WAS USED UP. 325 I acknowledged his kindness in my best manner, and took leave of him at once, with a perfect understanding of the true state of affairs with a full comprehension of the mystery which had troubled me so long. It was evident. It was a clear case. Brevet Brigadier General John A. B. C. Smith was the man was the man that was used up. THE BUSINESS MAN. Method is the soul of business. OLD SATING. I AM a business man. I am a methodical man. Method ia the thing, after all. But there are no people I more heartily despise, than your eccentric fools who prate about method with- out understanding it ; attending strictly to its letter, and violating its spirit. These fellows are always doing the most out-of-the- way things in what they call an orderly manner. Now here I conceive is a positive paradox. True method appertains to the ordinary and the obvious alone, and cannot be applied to the outre. What definite idea can a body attach to such expressions as " methodical Jack o' Dandy," or " a systematical Will o' the Wisp ?" . My notions upon this head might not have been so clear as they are, but for a fortunate accident which happened to me when I was a very little boy. A good-hearted old Irish nurse (whom I shall not forget in my will) took me up one day by the heels, w r hen I was making more noise than was necessary, and, swing- ing me round two or three times, d d my eyes for " a skreek- ing little spalpeen," and then knocked my head into a cocked hat against the bed-post. This, I say, decided my fate, and made my fortune. A bump arose at once on my sinciput, and turned out to be as pretty an organ of order as one shall see on a summer's day. Hence that positive appetite for system and regularity which has made me the distinguished man of business that I am. If there is any thing on earth I hate, it is a genius. Your geniuses are all arrant asses -the greater the xrenius the greater METHOD IS THE SOUL OF BUSINESS. 32? the ass And to this rule there is no exception whatever. Espe- cially, you cannot make a man of business out of a genius, any more than money out of a Jew, or the best nutmegs out of pine- knots. The creatures are always going off at a tangent into some fantastic employment, or ridiculous speculation, entirely at vari- ance with the " fitness of things," and having no business what- ever to be considered as a business at all. Thus you may tell these characters immediately by the nature of their occupations. If you ever perceive a man setting up as a merchant or a manu- facturer ; or going into the cotton or tobacco trade, or any of those eccentric pursuits ; or getting to be a dry-goods dealer, or soap-boiler, or something of that kind ; or pretending to be a lawyer, or a blacksmith, or a physician anything out of the usual way you may set him down at once as a genius, and then, according to the rule-of-three, he's an ass. Now I am not in any respect a genius, but a regular business man. My Day-book and Ledger will evince this in a minute. They are well kept, though I say it myself; and, in my general habits of accuracy and punctuality, I am not to be beat by a clock. Moreover, my occupations have been always made to chime in with the ordinary habitudes of my fellow-men. Not that I feel the least indebted, upon this score, to my exceedingly weak-minded parents, who, beyond doubt, would have made an arrant genius of me at last, if my guardian angel had not come, in good time, to the rescue. In biography the truth is every thing, and in auto-biography it is especially so yet I scarcely hope to be believed when I state, however solemnly, that my poor father put me, when I was about fifteen years of age, into the counting-house of what he termed " a respectable hardware and commission merchant doing a capital bit of business !" A capital bit of fiddlestick ! However, the consequence of this folly was, that in two or three days, I had to be sent home to my button-headed family in a high state of fever, and with a most violent and dangerous pain in the sinciput, all round about my organ of order. It was nearly a gone case with me then just touch-and-go for six weeks the physicians giving me up and all that sort of thing. But, although I suffered much, I was a 328 METHOD IS THE SUUL OF BUSINESS. thankful boy in the main. I was saved from being a "respecta- ble hardware and commission merchant, doing a capital bit of business," and I felt grateful to the protuberance which had been the means of my salvation, as well as to the kind-hearted female who had originally put these means within my reach. The most of boys run away from home at ten or twelve years of age, but I waited till I was sixteen. I don't know that I should have gone, even then, if I had not happened to hear my old mother talk about setting me up on my own hook in the grocery way. The grocery way ! only think of that ! I resolved to be off forthwith, and try and establish myself in some decent oc- cupation, without dancing attendance any longer upon the capri- ces of these eccentric old people, and running the risk of being made a genius of in the end. In this project I succeeded per- fectly well at the first effort, and by the time I was fairly eigh- teen, found myself doing an extensive and profitable business iu the Tailor's Walking- Advertisement line. I was enabled to discharge the onerous duties of this profession, only by that rigid adherence to system which formed the leading feature of my mind. A scrupulous method characterized my actions as well as my accounts. In my case, it was method not money which made the man : at least all of him that was not made by the tailor whom I served. At nine, every morning, I called upon that individual for the clothes of the day. Ten o'clock found me in some fashionable promenade or other place of public amusement. The precise regularity with which I turned my handsome person about, so as to bring successively into view every portion of the suit upon my back, was the admiration of all the knowing men in the trade. Noon never passed without my bringing home a customer to the house of my employers, Messrs. Cut and Comeagain. I say this proudly, but with tears in my eyes for the firm proved themselves the basest of ingrates. The little account about which we quarrelled and finally parted, cannot, in any item, be thought overcharged, by gentleman really conversant with the nature of the business. Upon this point however, I feel a degree of proud satisfaction in permitting the reader to judge for himself. My bill ran thus : THE BUSINESS MAN. 329 Messrs. Cut and Comeagain. Merchant Tailors. To Peter Profit, Walking Advertiser, Dre. July 10. To promenade, as usual, and customer brought homo, $00 25 July 11. To do do do 25 July 12, To one lie, second class ; damaged black cloth sold for invisible green, 25 'uly 13. To one lie, first class, extra quality and size ; recom- mending milled sattinet as broadcloth, 75 July 20. To purchasing bran new paper shirt collar or dickey, to set off gray Petersham, 2 Aug. 15. To wearing double-padded bobtail frock, (thermome- ter 706 in the shade,) 25 Aug 16 Standing on one leg three hours, to show off new- style strapped pants at 12 cents per leg per hour, 37J Aug. 17. To promenade, as usual, and large customer brought (fat man,) 50 Aug. 18. To do do (medium size,) 25 Aug 19. To do do (small man and bad pay,) 6 $2 96i The item chiefly disputed in this bill was the very moderate charge of two pennies for the dickey. Upon my word of honor, this was not an unreasonable price for that dickey. It was one of the cleanest and prettiest little dickeys I ever saw ; and I have good reason to believe that it effected the sale of three Pe- tershams. The elder partner of the firm, however, would allow me only one penny of the charge, and took it upon himself to show in what manner four of the same sized conveniences could be got out of a sheet of foolscap. But it is needless to say that I stood upon the principle of the thing. Business is business, and should be done in a business way. There was no system whatever in swindling me out of a penny a clear fraud of fifty per cent. no method in any respect. I left at once the employ- ment of Messrs. Cut and Comeagain, and set up in the Eye-Sore line by myself one of the most lucrative, respectable and inde- pendent of the ordinary occupations. My strict integrity, economy, and rigorous business habits, here again came into play. I found myself driving a flourishing trade, and soon became a marked man upon ' Change.' The truth is, I never dabbled ii flashy matters, but jogged on in the good old 330 THE BUSINESS MAN. Bober routine of the calling- a calling in which I should, no doubt, have remained to the present hour, but for a little accident which happened to me in the prosecution of one of the usual busi- ness operations of the profession. Whenever a rich old hunks, or prodigal heir, or bankrupt corporation, gets into the notion of putting up a palace, there is no such thing in the world as stop ping either of them, and this every intelligent person knows. The fact in question is indeed the basis of the Eye-Sore trade. As soon, therefore, as a building project is fairly afoot by one of these par- ties, we merchants secure a nice corner of the lot in contempla- tion, or a prime little situation just adjoining or right in front. This done r we wait until the palace is half-way up, and then we pay some tasty architect to run us up an ornamental mud hovel, right against it ; or a Down-East or Dutch Pagoda, or a pig-sty, or an ingenious little bit of fancy work, either Esquimau, Kicka- poo, or Hottentot. Of course, we can't afford to take these structures down under a bonus of five hundred per cent, upon the prime cost of our lot and plaster. Can we ? I ask the question. I ask it of business men. It would be irrational to suppose that we can. And yet there was a rascally corporation which asked me to do this very thing this very thing ! I did not reply to their absurd proposition, of course ; but I felt it a duty to go that same night, and lamp-black the whole of their palace. For this, the unreasonable villains clapped me into jail ; and the gentlemen of the Eye-Sore trade could not well avoid cutting my connection when I came out. The Assault and Battery business, into which I was now forced to adventure for a livelihood, was somewhat ill-adapted to the delicate nature of my constitution ; but I went to work in it with a good heart, and found my account, here as heretofore, in those stern habits of methodical accuracy which had been thumped into me by that delightful old nurse I would indeed be the basest of men not to remember her well in my will. By observ- ing, as I say, the strictest system in all my dealings, and keeping a well-regulated Bet of books, I was enabled to get over many serious difficulties, and, in the end, to establish myself very decently in the profession. The truth is, that few individuals, in any line, did a snugger little business than I. I will just copy a THE BUSINESS MAN. 331 page or so out of my Day-Book ; and this will save me the necessity of blowing my own trumpet a contemptible practice, of which PO high-minded man will be guilty. Now, the Day- Book is a ihing that don't lie. u Jan. 1. New Year's day. Met Snap in the street, groggy. Mem he'll do. Met Gruff shortly afterwards, blind drunk. Mem he'll answer too. Entered both gentlemen in my Ledger, and opened a running account with each. " Jan 2. Saw Snap at the Exchange, and went up and trod on his toe. Doubled his fist and knocked me down. Good ! got up again. Some trifling difficulty with Bag, my attorney. I want the damages at a thousand, but he says that, for so simple a knock-down, we can't lay them at more than five hundred. Mem must get rid of Bag no system at all. " Jan. 3. Went to the theatre, to look for Gruff. Saw him sitting in a side box, in the second tier, between a fat lady and a lean one. Quizzed the whole party through an opera-glass, till I saw the fat lady blush and whisper to G. Went round, then, ir.to the box, and put my nose within reach of his hand. Wouldn't pull it no go. Blew it, and tried again no go. Sat down then, and winked at the lean lady, when I had the high satisfac- tion of finding him lift me up by the nape of the neck, and fling me over into the pit. Neck dislocated, and right leg capitally splintered. Went home in high glee, drank a bottle of cham- pagne, and booked the young man for five thousand. Bag says it'll do. " Feb. 15. Compromised the case of Mr. Snap. Amount entered in Journal fifty cents which see. " Feb. 16. Cast by that villain, Gruff, who made me a present of five dollars. Costs of suit, four dollars and twenty-five cents. Nett profit see Journal seventy-five cents." Now, here is a clear gain, in a very brief period, of no less than one dollar and twenty five cents this is in the mere cases of Snap and Gruff; and I solemnly assure the reader that these extracts are taken at random from my Day-Book. It's an old saying, and a true one, however, that money is nothing in comparison with health. I found the exactions of the profession somewhat too much for my delicate state of body ; 332 THE BUSINESS MAN. and, discovering, at last, that I was knocked all out of shape, so tbat I did't know very well what to make of the matter, and so that my friends, when they met me in the street, could'nt tell that I was Peter Profit at all, it occurred to me that the best expedient I could adopt, was to alter my line of business. I turned my attention, therefore, to Mud-Dabbling, and continued it for some years. The worst of this occupation, is, that too many people take a fancy to it, and the competition is in consequence excessive. Every ignoramus of a fellow who finds that he hasn't brains in sufficient quantity to make his way as a walking advertiser, or an eye-sore-prig, or a salt and batter man, thinks, of course, that he'll answer very well as a dabbler of mud. But there never was entertained a more erroneous idea than that it requires no brains to mud-dabble. Especially, there is nothing to be made in this way without method. I did only a retail business myself, but my old habits of system carried me swimmingly along. I selected my street-crossing, in the first place, with great deliberation, and I never put down a broom in any part of the town but that. I took care, too, to have a nice little puddle at hand, which I could get at in a minute. By these means I got to be well known as a man to be trusted ; and this is one-half the battle, let me tell you, in trade. Nobody ever failed to pitch me a copper, and got over my crossing with a clean pair of pantaloons. And, as my business habits, in this respect, were sufficiently understood, I never met with any attempt at imposi- tion. I would'nt have put up with it, if I had. Never imposing upon any one myself, I suffered no one to play the possum with me. The frauds of the banks of course I could'nt help. Their suspenskn put me to ruinous inconvenience. These, however, are not individuals, but corporations ; and corporations, it is very well known, have neither bodies to be kicked, nor souls to be damned. I was making money at this business, when, in an evil mo- ment, I was induced to merge in the Cur-Spattering a some- what analogous, but, by no means, so respectable a profession My location, to be sure, was an excellent one, being central, and I had capital blacking and brushes. My little dog, too, was THE BUSINESS MAN 333 quite tat and up to all varieties of snuff. He had been in the trade a long time, and, I may say, understood it. Our general routine was this ; Pompey, having rolled himself well in the mud, sat upon end at the shop door, until he observed a dandy approaching in bright boots. He then proceeded to meet him, and gave the Wellingtons a rub or two with his wool. Then the dandy swore very much, and looked about for a boot-black. There I was, full in his view, with blacking and brushes. It was only a minute's work, and then came a sixpence. This did moderately well for a time ; in fact, I was not avaricious, but my dog was. I allowed him a third of the profit, but he was advised to insist upon half. This I could'nt stand so we quarrelled and parted. I next tried my hand at the Organ-grinding for a while, and may say that I made out pretty well. It is a plain, straight- forward business, and requires no particular abilities. You can get a music-mill for a mere song, and, to put it 'in order, you have but to open the works, and give them three or four smart raps with a hammer. It improves the tone of the thing, for business purposes, more than you can imagine. This done, you have only to stroll along, with the mill on your back, until you see tan-bark in the street, and a knocker wrapped up in buck- skin. Then you stop and grind ; looking as if you meant to stop and grind till doomsday. Presently a window opens, and some- body pitches you a sixpence, with a request to " Hush up and go on," &c. I am aware that some grinders have actually afforded to " go on" for this sum ; but for my part, I found the necessary outlay of capital too great, to permit of my " going on" under a shilling. At this occupation I did a good deal ; but, somehow, I was n!)t quite satisfied, and so finally abandoned it. The truth is, I labored under the disadvantage of having no monkey and American streets are so muddy, and a Democratic rabble is so obtrusive, and so full of demnition mischievous little boys. I was now out of employment for some months, but at lengt?i succeeded, by dint of great interest, in procuring a situation in the Sham-Post. The duties, here, are simple, and not altogether unprofitable. For example : very early in the morning I had &)4 THE BUSINESS WANT- to make up my packet of sham letters. Upon the inside of jaeh of these I had to scrawl a few lines on any subject which occurred tome as sufficiently mysterious signing all t lie epistles Tom Dobson, or Bobby Tompkins, or anything in that way. Having folded and sealed all, and stamped them with sham post- marks New Orleans, Bengal, Botany Bay, or any other place a great way off I set out, forthwith, upon my daily route, as if in a very great hurry. I always called at the big houses to deliver the letters, and receive the postage. Nobody hesitates at paying for a letter especially for a double one people are such fools and it was no trouble to get round a corner before there was time to open the epistles. The worst of this pro- fession was, that I had to walk so much and so fast ; and so frequently to vary my route. Besides, I had serious scruples of conscience. I can't bear to hear innocent individuals abused and the way the whole town took to cursing Tom Dobson and Bobby Tompkins, was really awful to hear. I washed my hands of the matter in disgust. My eighth and last speculation has been in the Cat-Growing way. I have found this a most pleasant and lucrative business, and, really, no trouble at all. The country, it is well known, has become infested with cats so much so of late, that a petition for relief, most numerously and respectably signed, was brought before the legislature at its late memorable session. The assembly, at this epoch, was unusually well-informed, and, having passed many other wise and wholesome enactments, it crowned all with the Cat-Act. In its original form, this law offered a premium for cat-heads, (fourpence a-piece) but the Senate succeeded in amending the main clause, so as to substi- tute the word "tails" for "heads." This amendment was so obviously proper, that the house concurred in it nem. con. As soon as the Governor had signed the bill, I invested my whole estate in the purchase of Toms and Tabbies. At first, I could only afford to feed them upon mice (which are cheap), but they fulfilled the Scriptural injunction at so marvellous a rate, that I at length considered it my best policy to be liberal, and so indulged them in oysters and turtle. Their tails, at a legislative price, now bring me in a good income ; for I have discovered a way, in THE BUSINESS MAN, 335 which, by means of Macassar oil, I can force three crops in a year. It delights me to find, too, that the animals soon get accustomed to the thing, and would rather have the appendages cut off than o:herwise. I consider, myself, therefore, a made man, and am bargaining for a country seat on the Hudson THE LANDSCAPE GARDEN. The garden like a lady fair was cut, That lay as if she slumbered in delight, And to the open skies her eyes did shut ; The azure fields of heaven were 'sembled right In a large round set with the flow'rs of light : The flowers de luce and the round sparks of dew That hung upon their azure leaves, did show Like twinkling stars that sparkle in the ev'ning blue. GILES FLETCHER No more remarkable man ever lived than my friend, the young Ellison. He was remarkable in the entire and continuous pro- fusion of good gifts ever lavished upon him by fortune. From his cradle to his grave, a gale of the blandest prosperity bore him along. Nor do I use the word Prosperity in its mere worldly or external sense. I mean it as synonymous with hap- piness. The person of whom I speak, seemed born for the pur- pose of foreshadowing the wild doctrines of Turgot, Price* Priestly, and Condorcet of exemplifying, by individual instance, what has been deemed the mere chimera of the perfectionists. In the brief existence of Ellison, I fancy that I have seen refuted the dogma that in man's physical and spiritual nature, lies somy hidden principle, the antagonist of Bliss. An intimate and anxious examination of his career, has taught me to understand that, in general, from the violation of a few simple laws of Humanity, arises the Wretchedness of mankind ; that, as a species, we have in our possession the as yet unwrought elements of Content ; and that, even now, in the present blindness and darkness of all idea on the great question of the Social Condi- tion, it is not impossible that Man, the individual, under certain unusual and highly fortuitous conditions, may be happy. 337 With opinions such as these was my young friend fully im- bued ; and thus is it especially worthy of observation that the uninterrupted enjoyment which distinguished his life was in great part the result of preconcert. It is, indeed, evident, that with less of the instinctive philosophy which, now and then, stands so well in the stead of experience, Mr. Ellison would have found himself precipitated, by the very extraordinary successes of his life, into the common vortex of Unhappiness which yawns foi those of pre-eminent endowments. But it is by no means my present object to pen an essay on Happiness. The ideas of my friend may be summed up in a few words. He admitted but four unvarying laws, or rather elementary principles, of Bliss. That which he considered chief, was (strange to say !) the simple and purely physical one of free exercise in the open air. " The health," he said, " attainable by other means than this is scarcely worth the name." He pointed to the tillers of the earth the only people who, as a class, are proverbially more happy than ethers and then he instanced the high ecstacies of the fox- hunter. His second principle was the love of woman. His third was the contempt of ambition. His fourth was an object of unceasing pursuit ; and he held that, other things being equal, the extent of happiness was proportioned to the spirituality of this object. I have said that Ellison was remarkable in the continuous profusion of good gifts lavished upon him by Fortune. In per- sonal grace and beauty he exceeded all men. His intellect was of that order to which the attainment of knowledge is less a labor than a necessity and an intuition. His family was one of the most illustrious of the empire. His bride was the loveliest and most devoted of women. His possessions had been always ample ; but, upon the attainment of his one and twentieth year, it was discovered that one of those extraordinary freaks of Fate had been played in his behalf, which startle the whole social world amid which they occur, and seldom fail radically to alter the entire moral constitution of those who are their objects. It appears that about one hundred years prior to Mr. Ellison's attainment of his majority, there had died, in a remote province, ono Mr. Seabright Ellison. This gentleman had amassed a 338 THE LANDSCAPE GARDEN. princely fortune, and, having no very immediate connections, conceived the whim of suffering his wealth to accumulate for a century after his decease. Minutely and sagaciously directing the various modes of investment, he bequeathed the aggregate amount to the nearest of blood, bearing the name Ellison, who should be alive at the end of the hundred years. Many futile attempts had been made to set aside this singular bequest ; their ex post facto character rendered them abortive; but the atten- tion of a jealous government was aroused, and a decree finally obtained, forbidding all similar accumulations. This act did not prevent young Ellison, upon his twenty-first birth-day, from entering into possession, as the heir of his ancestor Seabright, of a fortune of four hundred and fifty millions of dollars.* When it had become definitely known that such was the enor- mous wealth inherited, there were, of course, many speculations %s to the mode of its disposal. The gigantic magnitude and the mmediately available nature of the sum, dazzled and bewilder- rd all who thought upon the topic. The possessor of any appre- ciable amount of money might have been imagined to perform any one of a thousand things. With riches merely surpassing those of any citizen, it would have been easy to suppose him engaging to supreme excess in the fashionable extravagances of his time ; or busying himself with political intrigues ; or aiming at ministerial power; or purchasing increase of nobility;, or devising gorgeous architectural piles ; or collecting large speci- mens of Virtu ; or playing the munificent patron of Letters and Art; or endowing and bestowing his name upon extensive insti- tutions of charity. But, for the inconceivable wealth in the actual possession of the young heir, these objects and all ordi- nary objects were felt to be inadequate. Recourse was had 10 figures; and figures but sufficed to confound. It was seen, that * An incident similar in outline to the one here imagined, occurred, not very long ago. in England. The namp of the fortunate heir (who still lives,) is Thelluson. I first saw an account of this matter in the '' Tour" of Prince 1'uckler Muskau. He makes the sum received ninety millions of pounds, and observes, with much force, that " in the contemplation of so vast a sum, and of the services to which it might be applied, there is something even of the sublime." To suit the views of this article, I have followed the Prince's statement a grossly exaggerated one, no doubt THE LANDSCAPE GARDEN. 339 even at three per cent., the annual income of the inheritance amounted to no less than thirteen millions and five hundred thousand dollars ; which was one million and one hundred and twenty-five thousand per month ; or thirty-six thousand, nine hundred and eighty-six per day ; or one thousand five huudred and forty-one per hour ; or six and twenty dollars for every minute that flew. Thus, th'e usual track of supposition was thoroughly broken up. Men knew not what to imagine. There were some who even conceived that Mr. Ellison would divest himself forthwith of at least two-thirds of his fortune as of utterly superfluous opulence ; enriching whole troops of his rela tives by division of his superabundance. I was not surprised, however, to perceive that he had long made up his mind upon a topic which had occasioned so much of discussion to his friends. Nor was I greatly astonished at the nature of his decision. In the widest and noblest sense, he was a poet. He comprehended, moreover, the true character, the august aims, the supreme majesty and dignity of the poetic sentiment. The proper gratification of the sentiment he in- stinctively felt to lie in the creation of novel forms of Beauty. Some peculiarities, either in his early education, or in the nature of his intellect, had tinged with what is termed materialism the whole cast of his ethical speculations ; and it was this bias, per- haps, which imperceptibly led him to perceive that the most advantageous, if not the sole legitimate field for the exercise of the poetic sentiment, was to be found in the creation of novel moods of purely physical loveliness. Thus it happened that he- became neither musician nor poet ; if we use this latter term in its every-day acceptation. Or it might have been that he be- came neither the one nor the other, in pursuance of an idea of his which I have already mentioned the idea, that in the con- tempt of ambition lay one of the essential principles of happi- ness on earth. Is it not, indeed, possible that while a high order of genius is necessarily ambitious, the highest is invariably above that which is termed ambition ? And may it not thus happen that many far greater than Milton, have contentedly remained ' mute and inglorious ?" I believe that the world has never yet seen, and that, unless through some series of accidents goading 340 THE LANDSCAPE GARDEN. the noblest order of mind into distasteful exertion, the world will never behold that full extent of triumphant execution, in the richer productions of Art, of which the human nature is abso- lutely capable. Mr. Ellison became neither musician nor poet ; although no man lived more profoundly enamored both of Music and the Muse. Under other circumstances than those which invested him, it is not impossible that he would have become a painter. The li'eld of sculpture, although in its nature rigidly poetical, was too limited in its extent and in its consequences, to have occupied, at any time, much of his attention. And I have now mentioned all the provinces in which even the most liberal un- derstanding of the poetic sentiment has declared this sentiment capable of expatiating. I mean the most liberal public or recog- nized conception of the idea involved in the phrase " poetic sen- timent." But Mr. Ellison imagined that the richest, and alto- gether the most natural and most suitable province, had been blindly neglected. No definition had spoken of the Landscape- Gardener, as of the poet ; yet my friend could not fail to per- ceive that the creation of the Landscape- Garden offered to the true muse the most magnificent of opportunities. Here was, indeed, the fairest field for the display of invention, or imagina- tion, in the endless combining of forms of novel Beauty ; the elements which should enter into combination being, at all times, and by a vast superiority, the most glorious which the earth could afford. In the multiform of the tree, and in the multicolor of the flower, he recognized the most direct and the most energetic efforts of Nature at physical loveliness. And in tho direction Or concentration of this effort, or, still more properly, in its adaptation to the eyes which were to behold it upon earth, he perceived that he should be employing the best means laboring to the greatest advantage in the fulfilment of his destiny as Poet. " Its adaptation to the eyes which were to behold it upon earth." In his explanation of this phraseology, Mr. Ellison did much towards solving what has always seemed to me an enigma, I mean the fact (which none but the ignorant dispute), that no such combinations of scenery exist in Nature as the painter of THE LANDSCAPE GARDEN. 341 genius has in his power to produce. No such Paradises are to be found in reality as have glowed upon the canvass of Claude. In the most enchanting of natural landscapes, there will always be found a defect or an excess many excesses and defects While th'e component parts may exceed, individually, the highest skill of the artist, the arrangement of the parts will always be susceptible of improvement. In short, no position can be at- tained, from which an artistical eye, looking steadily, will not find matter of offence, in what is technically termed the composi tion of a natural landscape. And yet how unintelligible is this In all other matters we are justly instructed to regard Nature as supreme. With her details we shrink from competition. Who shall presume to imitate the colors of the tulip, or to improve he proportions of the lily of the valley ? The criticism which says, of sculpture or of portraiture, that " Nature is to be ex- alted rather than imitated," is in error. No pictorial or sculp- tural combinations of points of human loveliness, do more than approach the living and breathing human beauty as it gladdens our daily path. Byron, who often erred, erred not in saying, I've seen more living beauty, ripe and real, Than all the nonsense of their stone ideal. In landscape alone is the principle of the critic true ; and, hav- ing felt its truth here, it is but the headlong spirit of generaliza- tion which has induced him to pronounce it true throughout all the domains of Art. Having, I say, felt its truth here. For the feeling is no affectation or chimera. The mathematics alToid no more absolute demonstrations, than the sentiment of his Art yields to the artist. He not only believes, but positively knoics, that such and such apparently arbitrary arrangements of matter, or form, constitute, and alone constitute, the true Beauty. Yet his reasons have not yet been matured into expression. It remains for a more profound analysis than the world has yet seen, fully to investigate and express them. Nevertheless is he confirmed in his instinctive opinions, by the concurrence of all his compeers. Let a composition be defective; let an emenda- tion be wrought in its mere arrangement of form ; lot this emen- dation be submitted to every artist in the world ; by each will S42 THE LANDSCAPE GARDEN. its necessity be admitted. And even far more than this; in remedy of the defective composition, each insulated member of the fraternity will suggest the identical emendation. I repeat that in landscape arrangements, or collocations alone, is the physical Nature susceptible of " exaltation," and that, therefore, her susceptibility of improvement at this one point, was a mystery which, hitherto I had been unable to solve. -It was Mr. Ellison who first suggested the idea that what we regarded as improvement or exaltation of the natural beauty, was really such, as respected only the mortal or human point of I'fc'ic : that each alteration or disturbance of the primitive scenery might possibly effect a blemish in the picture, if we could sup- pose this picture viewed at large from some remote point in th"- Leavens. ; ' It is easily understood," says Mr. Ellison, " that what might improve a closely scrutinized detail, might, at the same time, injure a general and more distantly-observed effect." lie spoke upon this topic with warmth : regarding not so much its immediate or obvious importance, (which is little,) as the character of the conclusions to which it might lead, or of the collateral propositions which it might serve to corroborate or sustain. There might be a class of beings, human once, but now to humanity invisible, for whose scrutiny, and for whose refined appreciation of the beautiful, more especially than for our own, had been set in order by God the great landscape-garden of the whole earth. In the course of our discussion, my young friend took occasion to quote some passages from a writer who has been supposed to have well treated this theme. " There are, properly," he writes, " but two styles of landscape- gardening, the natural and the artificial. One seeks to recall the original beauty of the country, by adapting its means to the surrounding scenery; cultivating trees in harmony with the hills or plain of the neighboring land ; detecting and bringing into practice those nice relations of size, proportion, and color which, hid from the common observer, are revealed everywhere to the experienced student of nature. The result of the natural style of gardening, is seen rather in the absence of all defects and incongruities^-in the prevalence of a beautiful harmony and THE LANDSCAPE GARDEN. 343 order, than in the creation of any special wonders or miracles. The artificial style has as many varieties as there are different tastes to gratify. It has a certain general relatijn to the various styles of building. There are the stately avenues and retire- ments of Versailles ; Italian terraces ; and a various mixed old English style, which bears some relation to the domestic Gothic or English Elizabethan architecture. Whatever may be said against the abuses of the artificial landscape-gardening, a mix- ture of pure arf in a garden scene, adds to it a great beauty. This is partly pleasing to the eye, by the show of order and design, and partly moral. A terrace, with an old moss-covered balustrade, calls up at once to the eye, the fair forms that have passed there in other days. The slightest exhibition of art is an evidence of care and human interest." " From what I have already observed," said Mr. Ellison, " you will understand that I reject the idea, here expressed, of 4 recalling the original beauty of the country.' The original beauty is never so great as that which may be introduced. Of course, much depends upon the selection of a spot with capabili- ties. What is said in respect to the l detecting and bringing into practice those nice relations of size, proportion, and color,' is a mere vagueness of speech, which may mean much, or little, or nothing, and which guides in no degree. That the true ' result of the natural style of gardening is seen rather in the absence of all defects and incongruities, than in the creation of any special wonders or miracles,' is a proposition better suited to the grovelling apprehension of the herd, than to the fervid dreams of the man of genius. The merit suggested is, at best, negative, and appertains to that hobbling criticism which, in letters, would elevate Addison into apotheosis. In truth, while that merit which consists in the mere avoiding demerit, appeals directly to the understanding, and can thus be foreshadowed in Rule, the loftier merit, which breathes and flames in invention or creation, can be apprehended solely in its results. Rule applies but to the excellences of avoidance to the virtues which deny or refrain. Beyond these the critical art can but suggest. We may be in- structed to build an Odyssey, but it is in vain that we are told how to conceive a ' Tempest,' an ' Inferno,' a ' Prometheus Bound 344 THE LANDSCAPE GARDEN. a ' Nightingale,' such as that of Keats, or the ' Sensitive Plant' of Shelley. But, the thing done, the wonder accomplished, and the capacity for apprehension becomes universal. The sophists of the negative school, who through inability to create, have scoffed at creation, are now found the loudest, in applause. What, in its chrysalis condition of principle, affronted their demure reason, never fails, in its maturity of accomplishment, to ex- tort admiration from their instinct of the beautiful or of the sublime. " Our author's observations on the artificial style of garden- ing," continued Mr. Ellison, " are less objectionable. ' A mix- ture of pure art in a garden scene, adds to it a great beauty. This is just ; and the reference to the sense of human interest ia equally so. I repeat that the principle here expressed, is incon- trovertible ; but there may be something even beyond it. There may be an object in full keeping with the principle suggested an object unattainable by the means ordinarily in possession of mankind, yet which, if attained, would lend a charm to the land- scape-garden immeasurably surpassing that which a merely human interest could bestow. The true poet possessed of very unusual pecuniary resources, might possibly, while retaining the necessary idea of art or interest or culture, so imbue his designs at once with extent and novelty of Beauty, as to convey the sentiment of spiritual interference. It will be seen that, in bringing about such result, he secures all the advantages of interest or design, while relieving his work of all the harshness and technicality of Art. In the most rugged of wildernesses in the most savage of the scenes of pure Nature there is appa- rent the art of a Creator ; yet is this art apparent only to reflec- tion ; in no respect has it the obvious force of a feeling. Now, if we imagine this sense of the Almighty Design to be harmon- ized in a measurable degree ; if we suppose a landscape whose combined strangeness, vastness, definitiveness, and magnificence, shall inspire the idea of culture, or care, or superintendence, on the part of intelligences superior yet akin to humanity then the sentiment of interest is preserved, while the Art is made to assume the air of an intermediate or secondary Nature a Nature which is not God; nor an emanation of God, but which still is THE LANDSCAPE GARDEN. 345 Nature, in the sense that it is the handi-work of the angels that hover between man and God." It was in devoting his gigantic wealth to the practical embodi- ment of a vision such as this in the free exercise in the open air, which resulted from personal direction of his plans in the continuous and unceasing object which these plans afforded in the high spirituality of the object itself in the con- tempt of ambition which it enabled him more to feel than to affect and, lastly, it was in the companionshr'p * nd sympathy of a devoted wife, that Ellison thought to find, and found, an exemption from the ordinary cares of Humanity, with a far greater amount of positive happiness than ever glowed in the rapt day -dreams of De Stiiel. MAF.LZI-L'S CHESS-PLAYER. PERHAPS no exhibition of the kind has ever eKexted so general attention as the Chess-Player of MaelzeL Wherever seen it has been an object of intense cariosity, to all persons whc think. Yet the question of its modus operandi is still undeter- mined. Nothing has been written on this topic which can b0 considered as decisive and accordingly we find everywhere men of mechanical genius, of great general acuteness, and dis- criminative understanding, who make no scruple in |iUMimnriiig the Automaton a pure machine, unconnected with human agency in its movements, and consequently, beyond all comparison, the most astonishing of the inventions of mankind. And such it would undoubtedly be, were they right in their supposition. Assuming this hypothesis, it would be grossly absurd to compare with the Chess-Player, any similar thing of either modern or ancient days. Tet there have been many and wonderfol vatlt- mata. In Brewster's Letters on Natural Magic, we have an account of the most remarkable. Among these may be mention- ed, as having beyond doubt existed, firstly, the coach invented by M. Camus for the amusement of Loois XIY. when a chDd, A table, about four feet square, was introduced into the room appropriated for the exhibition. Upon this table was placed carriage six inches in length, made of wood, and drawn by two horses of the same material. One window being down, a lady wa* seen on the back seat. A coachman held the reins on the box, and a footman and page were in their places behind. M. Camus now touched a spring; whereupon the coachman MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLAYER. . 347 his whip, and the horses proceeded in a natural manner, along the edge of the table, drawing after them the carriage. Having gone as far as possible in this direction, a sudden turn was made to the left, and the vehicle was driven at right angles to its former course, and still closely along the edge of the table. In this way the coach proceeded until it arrived opposite the chair" of the young prince. It then stopped, the page descended and opened the door, the lady alighted, and presented a petition to her sovereign. She then re-entered. The page put up the steps, closed the door, and resumed his station. The coachman whipped his horses, and the carriage was driven back to its original position. The magician of M. Maillardet is also worthy of notice. Wo copy the following account of it from the Letters before mentioned of Dr. B., who derived his information principally from the Edinburgh Encyclopaedia. " One of the most popular pieces of mechanism which we have seen, is the Magician constructed by M. Maillardet, for the purpose of answering certain given questions. A figure, dressed like a magician, appears seated at the bottom of a wall, holding a wand in one hand, and a book in the other. A number of questions, ready prepared, are inscribed on oval medallions, and the spectator takes any of these he chooses, and to which he wishes an answer, and having placed it in a drawer ready to receive it, the drawer shuts with a spring till the answer is re- turned. The magician then arises from his seat, bows his head, describes circles with his wand, and consulting the book as if in deep thought, he lifts it towards his face. Having thus appeared to ponder over the proposed question, he raises his wand, and striking with it the wail above his head, two folding doors fly open, and display an appropriate answer to the question. The doors again close, the magician resumes his original position, und the drawer opens to return the medallion. There are twenty of these medallions, all containing different questions, to which the magician returns the most suitable and striking answers. The medallions are thin plates of brass, of an elliptical form, exactly resembling each other. Some of the medallions have a question inscribed on each side, both of which the magician -W . MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLAYER. answers in succession. If the drawer is shut without a medal lion being put in it, the magician rises, consults his book, shakes his head, and resumes his seat. The folding doors remain shut, and the drawer is returned empty. If two medallions are put into the drawer together, an answer is returned only to the lower one. When the machinery is wound up, the movements con- tinue about an hour, during which time about fifty questions may be answered. The inventor stated that the means by which the different medallions acted upon the machinery, so as to produce the proper answers to the questions which they contained, were extremely simple." The duck of Vaucanson was still more remarkable. It was of the size of life, and so perfect an imitation of the living animal that all the spectators were deceived. It executed, says Brewster, all the natural movements and gestures, it eat and drank with avidity, performed all the quick motions of the head and throat which are peculiar to the duck, and like it muddled the water which it drank with its bill. It produced also the sound of quacking in the most natural manner. In the anato- mical structure the artists exhibited the highest skill. Every bone in the real duck had its representative in the automaton, and its wings were anatomically exact. Every cavity, apophysis, and curvature was imitated, and each bone executed its proper movements. When corn was thrown down before it, the duck stretched out its neck to pick it up, swallowed, and digested it.* But if these machines, were ingenious, what shall we think of the calculating machine of Mr. Babbage ? What shall we think of an engine of wood and metal which can not only compute as- tronomical and navigation tables to any given extent, but render the exactitude of its operations mathematically certain through its power of correcting its possible errors ? What shall we think of a machine which can not only accomplish all this, but actually print off its elaborate results, when obtained, without the slight- est intervention of the intellect of man ? It will, perhaps, be said, in reply, that a machine such as we have described is alto- * Under the head Androides in the Edinburgh Encyclopaedia may be found a full account of the principal automata of ancient and modem times. MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLAYER. 319 gether above comparison with the Chess-Player of JMaelzel. By no means it is altogether beneath it that is to say provided we assume (what should never for a moment be assumed) that the Chess-Player is a pure machine, and performs it operations with- out any immediate human agency. Arithmetical or algebraical calculations are, from their very nature, fixed and determinate. Certain data being given, certain results necessarily and inevita- bly follow. These results have dependence upon nothing, and are influenced by nothing but the data originally given. And the question to be solved proceeds, or should proceed, to its final determination, by a succession of unerring steps liable to no change, and subject to no modification. This being the case, we can without difficulty conceive the possibility of so arranging a piece of mechanism, that upon starting it in accordance with the data of the question to be solved, it should continue its move ments regularly, progressively, and undeviatingly towards the required solution, since these movements, however complex, are never imagined to be otherwise than finite and determina)3. But the case is widely different with the Chess-Player. TV ith him there is no determinate progression. No one move in ness ne- cessarily follows upon any one other. From no partii alar dis- position of the men at one period of a game can we A >.edicate their disposition at a different period. Let us place the J rst move hi a game of chess, in juxta-position with the data of afc algebra- ical question, and their great difference will be immedis tely per- ceived. From the latter from the data the second s ep of the question, dependent thereupon, inevitably follows. It i.< modeled by the data. It must be thus and not otherwise. But from the first move in the game of chess no especial second move lollows of necessity. In the algebraical question, as it proceed) towards solution, the certainty of its operations remains altogether unim- paired. The second step having been a consequence of the data, the third step is equally a consequence of the second, the fourth of the third, the fifth of the fourth, and so on, and not possibly other- wise, to the end. But in proportion to the progress maoo in a game of chess, is the uncertainty of each ensuing move- A few moves having been made, no step is certain. Different spectators of the game would advise different moves. All is then uependent 550 MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLAYEll. upon the variable judgment of the players. Now even granting (what should not be granted) that the movements of the Auto- maton Chess-Player were in themselves determinate, they would be necessarily interrupted and disarranged by the indeterminate will of his antagonist. There is then no analogy whatever be- tween the operations of the Chess-Player, and those of the cal culating machine of Mr. Babbage, and if we choose to call the former a pure machine we must be prepared to admit that it is, beyond all comparison, the most wonderful of the inventions of mankind. Its original projector, however, Baron Kempelen, had no scruple in declaring it to be a " very ordinary piece of mechanism a bagatelle whose effects appeared so marvellous only from the boldness of the conception, and the fortunate choice of the methods adopted for promoting the illusion." But it is needless to dwell upon this point. I-t is quite certain that the operations of the Automaton are regulated by mind, and by nothing else. Indeed this matter is susceptible of a mathematu cal demonstration, a priori. The only question then is of the manner in which human agency is brought to bear. Before en- tering upon this subject it would be as well to give a brief his- tory and description of the Chess-Player for the benefit of such of our readers as may never have had an opportunity of witness- ing Mr. Maelzel's exhibition. The Automaton Chess-Player was invented in 1769. by Baron Kempelen, a nobleman of Presburg, in Hungary, who afterwards disposed of it, together with the secret of its operations, to its present possessor.* Soon after its completion it was exhibited * This was written in 1835, when Mr. Maelzcl, recently deceased, was exhibiting the Chess-Player in the United States. It is now (1855) we be- MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLAYER. 361 in Presburgh, Paris, Vienna, and other continental cities. In 1783 and 1784, it was taken to London by Mr. Maelzel. Of late years it has visited the principal towns in the United States. Wherever seen, the most intense curiosity was excited by its i appearance, and numerous have been the attempts, by men of all I classes, to fathom the mystery of its evolutions. The cut above ' gives a tolerable representation of the figure as seen by the citi- Uens of Richmond a few weeks ago. The right arm, however, should lie more at length upon the box, a chess-board should appear upon it, and the cushion should not be seen while the pipe is held. Some immaterial alterations have been made in the costume of the player since it came into the possession of Maelzel the plume, for example, was not originally worn. At the hour appointed for exhibition, a curtain is withdrawn, or folding-doors are thrown open, and the machine rolled to within about twelve feet of the nearest of the spectators, between whom and it (the machine) a rope is stretched. A figure is seen habited as a Turk, and seated, with its legs crossed, at a large box apparently of maple wood, which serves it as a table. The exhibiter will, if requested, roll the machine to any portion of the room, suffer it to remain altogether on any designated spot, or even shift its location repeatedly during the progress of a game. The bottom of the box is elevated considerably above the floor by means of the castors or brazen rollers on which it moves, a clear view of the surface immediately beneath the Au- tomaton being thus afforded to the spectators. The chair on which the figure sits is affixed permanently to the box. On the top of this latter is a chess-board, also permanently affixed. The right arm of the Chess-Player is extended at full length before him, at right angles with his body, and lying, in an apparent- ly careless position, by the side of the board. The back of the hand is upwards. The board itself is eighteen inches square. The left arm of the figure is bent at the elbow, and in the left hand is a pipe. A green drapery conceals the back of the Turk, and falls partially over the front of both shoulders. To judge from the external appearance of the box, it is divided lieve, in the possession of Prof J. K. Mitchell, M. D., of Philadelphia. Editor 352 MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLASTER. inlo five compartments three cupboards of equal dimension^ and two drawers occupying that portion of the chest lying be- neath the cupboards. The foregoing observations apply to the appearance of the Automaton upon its first introduction into the presence of the spectators. Maelzel now informs the company that he will disclose to their view the mechanism of the machine. Taking from his pocket a bunch of keys he unlocks with one of them, door marked 1 in the cut above, and throws the cupboard fully open to the inspection of all present. Its whole interior is apparently filled with wheels, pinions, levers, and other machinery, crowded very closely together, so that the eye can penetrate but a little dis- tance into the mass. Leaving this door open to its full extent, he goes now round to the back of the box, and raising the dra- pery of the figure, opens another door situated precisely in the rear of the one first opened. Holding a lighted candle at this door, and shifting the position of the whole machine repeatedly at the same time, a bright light is thrown entirely through the cupboard, which is now clearly seen to be full, completely full, of machinery. The spectators being satisfied of this fact, Maelzel closes the back door, locks it, takes the key from the lock, lets fall the drapery of the figure, and comes round to the front. The door marked 1, it will be remembered, is still open. The exhibiter now proceeds to open the drawer which lies be- neath the cupboards at the bottom of the box for although there are apparently two drawers, there is really only one the two handles and two key holes being intended merely for ornament. Having opened this drawer to its full extent, a small cushion, and a set of chessmen, fixed in a frame work made to support them perpendicularly, are discovered. Leaving this drawer, as well as cupboard No. 1 open, Maelzel now unlocks door No. 2. and door No. 3, which are discovered to be folding doors, open- ing into one and the same compartment. To the right of this compartment, however, (that is to say the spectators' right,) a small division, six inches wide, and filled with machinery, is partitioned off. The main compartment itself (in speaking of that portion of the box visible upon opening doors 2 and 3, we shall always call it the main compartment) is lined with dark MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLAYER. 353 cloth and contains no machinery whatever beyond two pieces of Eteel, quadrant-shaped, and situated one in each of the rear top corners of the compartment. A small protuberance about eight inches square, and also covered with dark cloth, lies on the floor of the compartment near the rear corner on the spectators' left hand. Leaving doors No. 2 and No. 3 open as well as the drawer, and door No. 1, the exhibiter now goes round to the back of the main compartment, and, unlocking another door there, displays clearly all the interior of the main compartment, by introducing a candle behind it and within it. The whole box being thus apparently disclosed to the scrutiny of the company, Maelzel, still leaving the doors and drawer open, rolls the Auto- maton entirely round, and exposes the back of the Turk by lift ing up the drapery. A door about ten inches square is thrown open in the loins of the figure, and a smaller one also in the left thigh. The interior of the figure, as seen through these aper- tures, appears to be crowded with machinery. In general, every spectator is now thoroughly satisfied of having beheld and com- pletely scrutinized, at one and the same time, every individual portion of the Automaton, and the idea of any person being con- cealed in the interior, during so complete an exhibition of that interior, if ever entertained, is immediately dismissed as prepos- terous in the extreme. M. Maelzel, having rolled the machine back into its original position, now informs the company that the Automaton will play a game of chess with any one disposed to encounter him. This challenge being accepted, a small table is prepared for the anta- gonist, and placed close by the rope, but on the spectators' side of it, and so situated as not to prevent the company from obtaining a full view of the Automaton. From a drawer in this table is taken a set of chess-men, and Maelzel arranges them generally, but not always, with his own hands, on the chess board, which consists merely of the usual number of squares painted upon the table. The antagonist having taken his seat, the exhibiter ap- proaches the drawer of the box, and takes therefrom the cushion, which after removing the pipe from the hand of the Automaton, be places under its left arm as a support. Then taking also from the drawer the Automaton's set of chess-men, he arranges <>4 MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLAYER. them upon the chess-board before the figure. He now proceeds to close the doors and to lock them leaving the bunch of keys in door No. 1. He also closes the drawer, and, finally, winds up the machine, by applying a key to an aperture in the left end (the spectator's left) of the box. The game now commences the Automaton taking the first move. The duration of the con test is usually limited to half an hour, but if it be not finished at the expiration of this period, and the antagonist still contend that he can beat the Automaton, M. Maelzel has seldom any objec- tion to continue it. Not to weary the company, is the ostensible, and no doubt the real object of the limitation. It will of course be understood that when a move is made at his own table, by the antagonist, the corresponding move is made at the box of the Automaton, by Maelzel himself, who then acts as the represent ative of the antagonist. On the other hand, when the Turk moves, the corresponding move is made at the table of the anta- gonist, also by M. Maelzel, who then acts as the representative of the Automaton. In this manner it is necessary that the ex- hibiter should often pass from one table to the other. He also frequently goes in the rear of the figure to remove the chess-men which it has taken, and which it deposits when taken, on the box to the left (to its own left) of the board. When the Automaton hesitates in relation to its move, the exhibiter is occasionally seen to place himself very near its right side, and to lay his hand now and then, in a careless manner upon the box. He has also a peculiar shuffle with his feet, calculated to induce suspicion of collusion with the machine in minds which are more cunning than sagacious. These peculiarities, are, no doubt, mere mannerisms of M. Maelzel, or, if he is aware of them at all, he puts them in practice with a view of exciting in the spectators a false idea of (.he pure mechanism in the Automaton. The Turk plays with his left hand. All the movements of the arm are at right angles. In this manner, the hand (which is gloved and bent in a natural way), being brought directly above the piece to be moved, descends finally upon it, the fingers re- ceiving it, in most cases, without difficulty. Occasionally, how- ever, when the piece is not precisely in its proper situation, the Automaton fails in his attempt at seizing it. When this occurs, MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLACER 355 no second effort is made, but the arm continues its movement in the direction originally intended, precisely as if the piece were in" the fingers Having thus designated the spot whither the move should have been made, the arm returns to its cushion, and Maelzel performs the evolution which the Automaton pointed out. At every movement of the figure machinery is heard in motion. During the progress of the game, the figure now and then rolls its eyes, as if surveying the board, moves its head, and pronounces the word echec (check) when necessary.* If a false move be made by his antagonist, he raps briskly on the box with the fingers of his right hand, shakes his head roughly, and replacing the pieces falsely moved, in its former situation, assumes the next move himself. Upon beating the game, he waves his head with an air of triumph, looks around complacently upon the spectators, and drawing his left arm farther back than usual, suffers his fingers alone to rest upon the cushion. In general, the Turk is victorious once or twice he has been beaten. The game being ended, Maelzel will again, if desired, exhibit the mechanism of the box, in the same manner as before. The machine is then rolled back, and a curtain hides it from the view of the company. There have been many attempts at solving the mystery of the Automaton. The most general opinion in relation to it, an opinion too not unfrequently adopted by men who should have known better, was, as we have before said, that no immediate human agency was employed in other words, that the machine was purely a machine and nothing else. Many, however, main- tained that the exhibitor himself regulated the movements of the figure by mechanical means operating through the feet of the box. Others, again spoke confidently of a magnet. Of the first of these opinions we shall say nothing at present more than we have already said. In relation to the second it is only necessary to repeat what we have before stated, that the machine is rolled about on castors, and will, at the request of a spectator, * The making the Turk pronounce the word echec, is an improvement by M. Maelzel. When in possession of Baron Kempelen, the figure indicated a check by rapping on the box with his right hand. 356 MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLAYER. be moved to and fro to any portion of the room, even during the progress of the game. The supposition of the magnet is also untenable for if a magnet were the agent, any other magnet in the pocket of a spectator would disarrange the entire mechanism. The exhibitor, however, will suffer the most powerful loadstono to remain even upon the box during the whole of the exhibi- tion. The first attempt at a written explanation of the secret, at ;east the first attempt of which we ourselves have any knowledge, was made in a large pamphlet printed at Paris in 1785. The author's hypothesis amounted to this that a dwarf actuated the machine. This dwarf he supposed to conceal himself during th opening of the box by thrusting his legs into two hollow cylinders, which were represented to be (but which are not) among the machinery in the cupboard No. 1, while his body was out of the. box entirely, and covered by the drapery of the Turk. When the doors were shut, the dwarf was enabled to bring his body within the box the noise produced by some portion of the machinery allowing him to do so unheard, and also to close the door by which he entered. The interior of the automaton being then exhibited, and no person discovered, the spectators, says the author of this pamphlet, are satisfied that no one is within any portion of the machine. The whole hypothesis was too obviously absurd to require comment, or refutation, and accordingly we find that it attracted very little attention. In 1789 a book was published at Dresden by M. I. F. Frey here in which another endeavor was made to unravel the mys- tery. Mr. Freyhere's book was a pretty large one, and copiously illustrated by colored engravings. His supposition was that " a well-taught boy very thin and tall of his age (sufficiently so that he could be concealed in a drawer almost immediately under the chess-board") played the game of chess and effected all the evolutions of the Automaton. This idea, although even more siilly than that of the Parisian author, met with a better recep- tion, and was in some measure believed to be the true solution of the wonder, until the inventor put an end to the discussion by suffering a close examination of the top of the box. These bizarre attempts at explanation were followed by others MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLAYER. 351 equally bizarre. Of late years, however, an anonymous writer, by a course of reasoning exceedingly unphilosophical, has con- trived to blunder upon a plausible solution although we cannot consider it altogether the true one. His Essay was first pub- lished in a Baltimore weekly paper, was illustrated by cuts, and was entitled " An attempt to analyze the Automaton Chess-Player i of M. Mac.-lzel." This Essay we suppose to have been the ori- ghuil of the pamphlet to which Sir David Brewster alludes in his letters on Natural Magic, and which he has no hesitation in declaring a thorough and satisfactory explanation. The results of the analysis are undoubtedly, in the main, just; but we can only account for Brewster's pronouncing the Essay a thorough and satisfactory explanation, by supposing him to have bestowed upon it a very cursory and inattentive perusal. In the compen- dium of the Essay, made use of in the Letters on Natural Magic, it is quite impossible to arrive at any distinct conclusion in regard to the adequacy or inadequacy of the analysis, on account of the gross misarrangement and deficiency of the letters of reference employed. The same fault is to be found in the " Attempt," &c., as we originally saw it. The solution consists in a series of mi- nute explanations, (accompanied by wood-cuts, the whole occu- pying many pages) in which the object is to show the possibility of so shifting the partitions of the box, as to allow a human being, concealed in the interior, to move portions of his body from one part of the box to another, during the exhibition of the mecha- nism thus eluding the scrutiny of the spectators. There can be no doubt, as we have before observed, and as we will presently endeavor to show, that the principle, or rather the result of this .solution is the true one. Some person is concealed in the box during the whole time of exhibiting the interior. We object, however, to the whole verbose description of the manner in which the partitions are shifted, to accommodate the movements of the person concealed. We object to it as a mere theory assumed in the first place, and to which circumstances are afterwards made to adapt themselves. It was not, and could not have been, arrived at by any inductive reasoning. In whatever way the shifting is managed, it is of course concealed at every step from observation. To show that certain movements might possibly be effected in a 358 MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLAYER. certain way, is very far from showing that they are actually sc effected. There may be an infinity of other methods by which the same results may be obtained. The probability of the one assumed proving the correct one is then as unity to infinity. But, in reality, this particular point, the shifting of the partitions, is of no consequence whatever. It was altogether unnecessary to devote seven or eight pages for the purpose of proving what no one in his senses would deny viz : that the wonderful mechani- cal genius of Baron Kempelen could invent the necessary means for shutting a door or slipping aside a panel, with a human agent too at his service in actual contact with the panel or the door, and the whole operations carried on, as the author of the Essay himself shows, and as we shall attempt to show more fully here- after, entirely out of reach of the observation of the spectators. In attempting ourselves an explanation of the Automaton, we will, in the first place, endeavor to show how its operations are effected, and afterwards describe, as briefly as possible, the na- ture of the observations from which we have deduced our result. It will be necessary for a proper understanding of the subject, that we repeat here in a few words, the routine adopted by the exhibiter in disclosing the interior of the box a routine from which he never deviates in any material particular. In the first place he opens the door No. 1. Leaving this open, he goes round to the rear of the box, and opens a door precisely at the back of door No. 1. To this back door he holds a lighted candle. He then closes the back door, locks it, and, coining round to the front, opens the drawer to its full extent. This done, he opens the doors No. 2 and No. 3, (the folding doors) and displays the in- terior of the main compartment. Leaving open the main com- partment, the drawer, and the front door of cupboard No. 1, he now goes to the rear again, and throws open the back door of the main compartment. In shutting up the box no particular order is observed, except that the folding doors are always closed before the drawer. Now, let us suppose that when the machine is first rolled into the presence of the spectators, a man is already within it. His body is situated behind the dense machinery in cupboard No. 1, 'the rear portion of which machinery is so contrived as to slip MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLAYER. 359 en masse, from the main compartment to the cupboard No, 1, as occasion may require,) and his legs lie at full length in the main compartment. When Maelzel opens the door No. 1, the man within is not in any danger of discovery, for the keenest eye cannot penetrate more than about two inches into the darkness within. But the case is otherwise when the back door of the cupboard No. 1, is opened. A bright light then pervades the cupboard, and the body of the man would be discovered if it were there. But it is not. The putting the key in the lock of the back door was a signal on hearing which the person con cealed brought his body forward to an angle as acute as possible throwing it altogether, or nearly so, into the main compartment. This, however, is a painful position, and cannot be long main- tained. Accordingly we find that Maelzel closes the back door. This being done, there is no reason why the body of the- man may not resume its former situation for the cupboard is again no dark as to defy scrutiny. The drawer is now opened, and the legs of the person within drop down behind it in the space it formerly occupied.* There is, consequently, now no longer any part of the man in the main compartment his body being be- hind the machinery in cupboard No. 1, and his legs in the space occupied by the drawer. The exhibiter, therefore, finds himself at liberty to display the main compartment. This he does opening both its back and front doors and no person is discov- ered. The spectators are- now satisfied that the whole of the box is exposed to view and exposed too, all portions of it af one and the same time. But of course this is not the case. They neither see the space behind the drawer, nor the interior of cup-- board No. 1 the front door of which latter the exhibiter virtu- ally shuts in shutting its back door Maelzel, having now rolled the machine around, lifted up the drapery of the Turk, opened the doors in his back and thigh, and shown his trunk to be full of machinery, brings the whole back into its original position, and * Sir David Brewster supposes that there is always a large space behind this drawer even when shut in other words that the drawer is a " false drawer," and does not extend to the back of the box. But the idea is alto- gether untenable. So common-place a trick would be immediately discov- ered especially as the drawer is always opened to its full extent, and an opportunity thus offered of comparing its depth with that of the box MO MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLAYER. closes the doors. The man within is now at liberty to mov.. about. He gets up into the body of the Turk just so high as to bring his eyes above the level of the chess-board. It is very probable that he seats himself upon the little square block or protuberance which is seen in a corner of the main compartment when the doors are open. In this position he sees the chess- board through the bosom of the Turk which is of gauze. Bring- ing his right arm across his breast he actuates the little machi- nery necessary to guide the left arm and the fingers of the figure. This machinery is situated just beneath the left shoulder of the Turk, and is consequently easily reached by the right hand of the man concealed, if we suppose his right arm brought across the breast. The motions of the head and eyes, and of the right arm of the figure, as well as the sound echec are produced by other mechanism in the interior, and actuated at will by the man within. The whole of this mechanism- -that is to say all the mechanism essential to the machine is most probably contained within the little cupboard (of about six inches in breadth) parti- tioned off at the right (the spectators' right) of the main compart- ment. In this analysis of the operations of the Automaton, we have purposely avoided any allusion to the manner in which the par- titions are shifted, and it will now be readily comprehended that this point is a matter of no importance, since, by mechanism within the ability of any common carpenter, it might be effected in an infinity of different ways, and since we have shown that, however performed, it is performed out of the view of the spec- tators. Our result is founded upon the following observations taken during frequent visits to the exhibition of Maelzel.* 1. The moves of the Turk are not made at regular intervals of time, but accommodate themselves to the moves of the an- tagonist although this point, (of regularity) so important in all kinds of mechanical contrivance, might have been readily brought * Some of these observations are intended merely to prove that the ma- chine must be regulated f/y mind, and it may be thought a work of supere- rogation to advance i'arther arguments in support of what has been already fully decided. But our object is to convince, in especial, certain of oui friends upon whom a train of suggestive reasoning will have more influence than the most positive a priori demonstration. MAELZELS CHESS-PLAYER. 361 about by limiting the time allowed for the moves of the anta- gonist. For example, if this limit were three minutes, the moves of the Automaton might be made at any given intervals longer than three minutes. The fact then of irregularity, when regularity might have been so easily attained, goes to prove that regularity is unimportant to the action of the Automaton in other words, that the Automaton is not a pure machine. 2. When the Automaton is about to move a piece, a distinct motion is observable just beneath the left shoulder, and which motion agitates in a slight degree, the drapery covering the front of the left shoulder. This motion invariably precedes, by about two seconds, the movement of the arm itself and the arm never, in any instance, moves without this preparatory motion in the shoulder. Now let the antagonist move a piece, and let the corresponding move be made by Maelzel, as usual, upon the board of the Automaton. Then let the antagonist narrowly watch the Automaton, until he detect the preparatory motion in the shoulder. Immediately upon detecting this motion, and be- fore the arm itself begins to move, let him withdraw his piece, as if perceiving an error in his manoeuvre. It will then be seen that the movement of the arm, which, in all other cases, imme- diately succeeds the motion in the shoulder, is withheld is not made although Maelzel has not yet performed, on the board of the Automaton, any move corresponding to the withdrawal of the antagonist. In this case, that the Automaton was about to move is evident and that he did not move, was an effect plainly produced by the withdrawal of the antagonist, and without any intervention of Maelzel. This fact fully proves, 1 that the intervention of Maelzel, in performing the moves of the antagonist on the board of the Automaton, is not essential to the movements of the Automaton, 2 that its movements are regulated by mind by some person who sees the board of the antagonist, 3 that its movements are not regulated by the mind of Maelzel, whose back was turned towards the antagonist at the withdrawal of his move. 3. The Automaton does not invariably win the game. "Were the machine a pure machine this would not be the case it would uhvays win. The principle being discovered by which a nm- 382 MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLAYER. cliine can be made to play a game of chess, an extension of the same principle would enable it to win a game a farther exten- sion would enable it to win all games that is, to beat any pos- sible game of an antagonist. A little consideration will convince any one that the difficulty of making a machine beat all games, is not in the least degree greater, as regards the principle of the operations necessary, than that of making it beat a single game. If then we regard the Chess-Player as a machine, we must sup- pose, (what is highly improbable) that its inventor preferred leaving it incomplete to perfecting it a supposition rendered still more absurd, when we reflect that the leaving it incomplete would afford an argument against the possibility of its being a pure machine the very argument we now adduce. 4. When the situation of the game is difficult or complex, we never perceive the Turk either shake his head or roll his eyes. It is only when his next move is obvious, or when the game is so circumstanced that to a man in the Automaton's place there would be no necessity for reflection. Now these peculiar move- ments of the head and eyes are movements customary with persons engaged in meditation, and the ingenious Baron Kempe- len would have adapted these movements (were the machine a pure machine) to occasions proper for their display that is, to occasions of complexity. But the reverse is seen to be the case, and this reverse applies precisely to our supposition of a man in the interior. When engaged in meditation about the game he has no time to think of setting in motion the mechanism of the Automaton by which are moved the head and the eyes. When the game, however, is obvious, he has time to look about him, and, accordingly, we see the head shake and the eyes roll. 5. When the machine is rolled round to allow the spectators an examination of the back of the Turk, and when his drapery is lifted up and the doors in the trunk aud thigh thrown open, the interior of the trunk is seen to be crowded with machinery. In scrutinizing this machinery while the Automaton was in motion, that is to say, while the whole machine was moving on the castors, it appeared to us that certain portions of the me- chanism changed their shape and position in a degree too great to be accounted for by the simple laws of perspective ; and sub MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLAYER. 3U3 sequent examinations convinced us that these undue alterations were attributable to mirrors in the interior of the trunk. Tho introduction of mirrors among the machinery could not have been intended to influence, in any degree, the machinery itself. Their operation, whatever that operation should prove to be, must necessarily have reference to the eye of the spectator. We at once concluded that these mirrors were so placed to multiply to the vision some few pieces of machinery within the trunk so as to give it the appearance of being crowded with mechani m. Now the direct inference from this is that the machine is not a pure machine. For if it were, the inventor, so far from wishing its mechanism to appear complex, and using deception for the purpose of giving it this appearance, would have been especially desirous of convincing those who witnessed his exhibition, of the simplicity of the means by which results so wonderful were brought about. G. The external appearance, and. especially, the deportment of the Turk, are, when we consider them as imitations of life, but very indifferent imitations. The countenance evinces no ingenuity, and is surpassed, in its resemblance to the human face, by the very commonest of wax-works. The eyes roll unnaturally in the head, without any corresponding motions of the lids or brows. The arm, particularly, performs its opera- tions in an exceedingly stiff, awkward, jerking, and rectangular manner. Now, all this is the result either of inability in Maelzel to do better, or of intentional neglect accidental ne- glect being out of the question, when we consider that the whole time of the ingenious proprietor is occupied in the improvement of his machines. Most assuredly we must not refer the unlife- like appearances to inability for all the rest of Maelzel's auto- mata are evidence of his full ability to copy the motions and peculiarities of life with the most wonderful exactitude. The rope-dancers, for example, are inimitable. When the clown laughs, his lips, his eyes, his eye-brows, and eye-lids indeed, all the features of his countenance are imbued with their appro- priate expressions. In both him and his companion, every gesture is so entirely easy, and free from the semblance of arti- ficiality, that, were it not for the diminutiveness of their size, S64 MAELZET/S CHESS-PLAYER, and the fact of their being passed from one spectator to another previous to their exhibition on the rope, it would be difficult to convince any assemblage of persons that these wooden automata were not living creatures. We cannot, therefore, doubt Mr. Maelzel's ability, and we must necessarily suppose that lie inten- tionally suffered his Chess-Player to remain the same artificial and unnatural figure which Baron Kempclen (no doubt also through design) originally made it. What this design was it is not difficult to conceive. Were the Automaton life-like in its motions, the spectator would be more apt to attribute its opera- tions to their true cause, (that is, to human agency within) than he is now, when the awkward and rectangular manoeuvres con- vey the idea of pure and unaided mechanism. 7. When, a short time previous to the commencement of the game, the Automaton is wound up by the exhibiter as usual, an ear in any degree accustomed to the sounds produced in winding up a system of machinery, will not fail to discover, instanta- neously, that the axis turned by the key in the box of the Chess- Player, cannot possibly be connected with either a weight, a spring, or any system of machinery whatever. The inference here is the same as in our last observation. The winding up is inessential to the operations of the Automaton, and is performed with the design of exciting in the spectators the false idea of mechanism. 8. When the question is demanded explicitly of Maelzel "Is the Automaton a pure machine or not?" his reply is inva- riably the same "I will say nothing about it." Now the notoriety of the Automaton, and the great curiosity it has every- where excited, are owing more especially to the prevalent opinion that it is a pure machine, than to any other circum- stance. Of course, then, it is the interest of the proprietor to represent it as a pure machine. And what more obvious, and more effectual method could there be of impressing the spec- tators with this desired idea, than a positive and explicit declara- tion to that effect ? On the other hand, what more obvious and effectual method could there be of exciting a disbelief in the Automaton's being a pure machine, than by withholding such explicit declaration ? For, people will naturally reason thus, MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLAYER. 365 It is Maelzcl's interest to represent this thing a pure machine he refuses to do so, directly, in words, although he does not scruple, and is evidently anxious to do so, indirectly by actions . were it actually what he wishes to represent it by actions, he would gladly avail himself o/ the more direct testimony of words the inference is, that a consciousness of its not being a pure machine, is the reason of his silence his actions cannot implicate him in a falsehood his words may. 9. When, in exhibiting the interior of the box, Maelzel has thrown open the door No. 1, and also the door immediately behind it, he holds a lighted candle at the back door (as men- tioned above), and moves the entire machine to and fro with a view of convincing the company that the cupboard No. 1 is entirely filled with machinery. When the machine is thus moved about, it will be apparent to any careful observer, that whereas that portion of the machinery near the front door No. 1, is perfectly steady and unwavering, the portion farther within fluctuates, in a very slight degree, with the movements of the machine. This circumstance first aroused in us the suspicion that the more remote portion of the machinery was so arranged as to be easily slipped, en masse, from its position when occasion should require it. This occasion we have already stated to occur when the man concealed within brings his body into an erect position upon the closing of the back door. 10. Sir David Brewster states the figure of the Turk to be of the size of life but in fact it is far above the ordinary size. Nothing is more easy than to err in our notions of magnitude. The body of the Automaton is generally insulated, and, having no means of immediately comparing it with any human form, we suffer ourselves to consider it as of ordinary dimensions. This mistake may, however, be corrected by observing the Chess-Player when, as is sometimes the case, the exhibitor ap- proaches it. Mr. Maelzel, to be sure, is not very tall, but upon drawing near the machine, his head will be found at least eighteen inches below the head of the Turk, although the latter, it will be remembered, is in a sitting position. 1 1 . The box behind which the Automaton is placed, is pre- cisely three feet six inches long, two feet four inches deep, and 366 MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLAYER. two feet six inches high. These dimensions are fully sufficient for the accommodation of a man very much above the common size and the main compartment alone is capable of holding any ordinary man in the position we have mentioned as assumed by the person concealed. As these are facts, which any one who doubts them may prove by actual calculation, we deem it unne- cessary to dwell upon them. We will only suggest that, although the top of the box is apparently a board of about three inches in thickness, the spectator may satisfy himself by stooping and look- ing up at it when the main compartment is open, that it is in re- ality very thin. The height of the drawer also will be miscon- ceived by those who examine it in a cursory manner. There is a space of about three inches between the top of the drawer as seen from the exterior, and the bottom of the cupboard a space which must be included in the height of the drawer. These contrivances to make the room within the box appear less than it actually is, are referrible to a design on the part of the inven- tor, to impress the company again with a false idea, viz., that no human being can be accommodated within the box. 12. The interior of the main compartment is lined throughout with cloth. This cloth we suppose to have a twofold object. A portion of it may form, when tightly stretched, the only partitions which there is any necessity for removing during the changes of the man's position, viz: the partition betwoen the rear of the main compartment and the rear of cupboard No, 1, and the par- tition between the main compartment, ami the, ppace behind the drawer when open. If we imagine this to be the case, the diffi- culty of shifting the partitions vanishes at once, if indeed any such difficulty could be supposed under any circumstances to exist. The second object of the cloth is to deaden and render indistinct all sounds occasioned by the movements of the person within. 13. The antagonist (as we have before observed^ is not suf- fered to play at the board of the Automaton, but 13 seated at some distance from the machine. The reason \vbi,ch, most pro- bably, would be assigned for this circumstance, it thfr question were demanded, is, that were the antagonist otherwise situated, his person would intervene between the machine and the spec- MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLAYER. 3C7 tator?, and preclude the latter from a distinct view. But this difficulty might be easily obviated, either by elevating the seats of the company, or by turning the end of the box towards them during the game. The true cause of the restriction is, perhaps, very different. Were the antagonist seated in contact with the box, the secret would be liable to discovery, by his detecting, with the aid of a quick ear, the breathings of the man concealed. 14. Although M. Maelzel, in disclosing the interior of the ma- chine, sometimes slightly deviates from the routine which we have pointed out, yet never in any instance does he so deviate from it as to interfere with our solution. For example, he has been known to open, first of all the drawer but he never opens the main compartment without first closing the back door of cup- board No. 1 he never opens the main compartment without first pulling out the drawer he never shuts the drawer without first shutting the main compartment he never opens the back door of cupboard No. 1 while the main compartment is open and the game of chess is never commenced until the whole machine is closed. Now, if it were observed that never, in any single in- stance, did M. Maelzel differ from the routine we have pointed out as necessary to our solution, it would be one of the strongest possible arguments in corroboration of it but the argument be- comes infinitely strengthened if we duly consider the circum- stance that he does occasionally deviate from the routine, but never does so deviate as to falsify the solution. 15. There are six candles on the board of the Automaton during exhibition. The question naturally arises " Why are so many employed, when a single candle, or, at farthest, two, would have been amply sufficient to afford the spectators a clear view of the board, in a room otherwise so well lit up as the ex- hibition room always is when, moreover, if we suppose the machine a pure machine, there can be no necessity for so much light, or indeed any light at all, to enable it to perform its ope- rations and when, especially, only a single candle is placed upon the table of the antagonist ?" The first and most obvious infer- ence is, that so strong a light is requisite to enable the man with- in to see through the transparent material (probably fine gauze) of which the breast of the Turk is composed. But when we 368 MAELZEL'S CHEbS-PLAYER. consider the arrangement of the candles, another reason immedi- ately presents itself. There are six lights (as we have said before) in all. Three of these are on each side of the figure. Those most remote from the spectators are the longest those in the middle are about two inches shorter and those nearest the company about two inches shorter still and the candles on one side ditf'er in height from the candles respectively opposite on the other, by a ratio different from two inches that is to say, the longest candle on one side is about three inches shorter than the longest candle on the other, and so on. Thus it will be seen that no two of the candles are of the same height, and thus also the difficulty of ascertaining the material of the breast of the figure (against which the light is especially directed) is greatly augmented by the dazzling effect of the complicated crossings of the rays crossings which are brought about by placing the cen tres of radiation all upon different levels. 16. While the Chess-Player was in possession of Baron Kem- pelen, it was more than once observed, first, that an Italian in the suite of the Baron was never visible during the playing of a game at chess by the Turk, and, secondly, that the Italian being taken seriously ill, the exhibition was suspended until his recov ery. This Italian professed a total ignorance of the game of chess, although all others of the suite played well. Similar obser- vations have been made since the Automaton has been purchased by Maelzel. There is a man, Schlwriberger, who attends him wherever he goes, but who has no ostensible occupation other than that of assisting in the packing and unpacking of the automaton. This man is about the medium size, and has a remarkable stoop in the shoulders. Whether he professes to play chess or not, we are not informed. It is quite certain, however, that he is never to be seen during the exhibition of the Chess-Player, although fre- quently visible just before and just after the exhibition. Moreover, come years ago Maelzel visited Richmond with his automata, and exhibited them, we believe, in the house now occupied by M. Bossieux as a Dancing Academy. Schlumberyer was suddenly taken ill, and during his illness there was no exhibition of the Chess-Player. These facts are well known to many of our citi- zens. The reason assigned for the suspension of the Chess- MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLAYER. 369 Player'? performances, was not the illness of Schlurribtrger. The inferences from all this we leave, without farther comment, to the reader. 17. The Turk plays with his left arm. A circumstance so remarkable cannot be accidental. Brewster takes no notice of it whatever, beyond a mere statement, we believe, that such ia the fact. The early writers of treatises on the Automaton, seem not to have observed the matter at all, and have no reference to it. The author of the pamphlet alluded to by Brewster, men- tions it, but acknowledges his inability to account for it. Yet it is obviously from such prominent discrepancies or incongruities as this that deductions are to be made (if made at all) which shall lead us to the truth. The circumstance of the Automaton's playing with his left hand cannot have connexion with the operations of the machine, considered merely as such. Any mechanical arrangement which would cause the figure to move, in any given manner, the left arm could, if reversed, cause it to move, in the same manner, the right. But these principles cannot be extended to the human organization, wherein there is a marked and radical difference in the construction, and, at all events, in the powers, of the*right and left arms. Reflecting upon this latter fact, we naturally refer the incongruity noticeable in the Chess-Player to this pecu- liarity in the human organization. If so, we must imagine some reversion for the Chess-Player plays precisely as a man would not. These ideas, once entertained, are sufficient of themselves, to suggest the notion of a man in the interior. A few more im perceptible steps lead us, finally, to the result. The Automaton plays with his left arm, because under no other circumstances could the man within play with his right a desideratum of course. Let us, for example, imagine the Automaton to play with his right Rrm. To reach the machinery which moves the arm, and which we have before explained to lie just beneath the shoulder, it would be necessary for the man within either to use his right arm in an exceedingly painful and awkward position, (viz. brought up close to his body and tightly compressed between his body and the side of the Automaton,) or else to use his left arm brought across his breast. In neither case could he act with the 370 MAELZEL'S CHESS-PLAYER. requisite ease or precision. On the contrary, the Automaton playing, as it actually does, with the left arm, all difficulties van- ish. The right arm of the man within is brought across his breast, and his right fingers act, without any constraint, upon the machinery in the shoulder of the figure. We do not believe that any reasonable objections can De urged n gainst this solution of the Automaton Chess-Player. THE POWER OF WORDS. Oinos. Pardon, Agathos, the weakness of a spirit new-fledged with immortality ! Agathos, You have spoken nothing, my Oinos, for which par- don is to be demanded. Not even here is knowledge a thing of intuition. For wisdom, ask of the angels freely, that it may be given ! Oinos. But in this existence, I dreamed that I should be at once cognizant of all things, and thus at once happy in being cog- nizant of all. Agathos. Ah, not in knowledge is happiness, but in the acqui- sition of knowledge ! In for ever knowing, we are for ever bless- ed ; but to know all, were the curse of a fiend. Oinos. But does not The Most High know all ? Agathos. That (since he is The Most Happy) must be still the one thing unknown even to HIM. Oinos. But, since we grow hourly in knowledge, must not at last all things be known ? Agathos. Look down into the abysmal distances ! attempt to force the gaze down the multitudinous vistas of the stars, as we sweep slowly through them thus and thus and thus ! Even the spiritual vision, is it not at all points arrested by the continuous golden walls of the universe ? the walls of the myriads of the shining bodies that mere number has appeared to blend into unity ? 372 THE POWER (W WuRDS. Oinos. I clearly perceive that the infinity of matter is no dream. Agathos. There are no dreams in Aidenn but it is here whispered that, of this infinity of matter, the sole purpose is to afford infinite springs, at which the soul may allay the thirst to know which is for ever unquenchable within it since to quench it, would be to extinguish the soul's self. Question me then, my Oinos, freely and without fear. Come ! we will leave to the left the loud harmony of the Pleiades, and swoop outward from the throne into the starry meadows beyond Orion, where, for pansies and violets, and heart's-ease, are the beds of the triplicate and triple-tinted suns. Oinos. And now, Agathos, as we proceed, instruct me ! speak to me in the earth's familiar tones ! I understood not what you hinted to me, just now, of the modes or of the methods of what, during mortality, we were accustomed to call Creation. Do you mean to say that the Creator is not God ? Agathos. I mean to say that the Deity does not create. Oinos. Explain ! Agathos. In the beginning only, he created. The seeming creatures which are now, throughout the universe, so perpetually springing into being, can only be considered as the mediate or indirect, not as the direct or immediate results of the Divine crea- tive power. Oinos. Among men, my Agathos, this idea would be consider- ed heretical in the extreme. Agathos. Among angels, my Oinos, it is seen to be simply true. Oinos. I can comprehend you thus far that certain opera- tions of what we term Nature, or the natural laws, will, under certain conditions, give rise to that which has all the appearance of creation. Shortly before the final overthrow of the earth, there were, I well remember, many very successful experiments in what tsome philosophers were weak enough to denominate the creation of ardmalculse. Agathos. The cases of which you speak were, in fact, instances of the secondary creation and of the only species of creation which has ever been, since the first word spoke into existence the first law. THE POWER OF WORDS. 373 Oinos. Are not the starry worlds that, fro IE the abyss of non entity, burst hourly forth into the heavens are not these stars, Agathos, the immediate handiwork of the King ? Agathos. Let me endeavor, my Oinos, to lead you, step by step, to the conception I intend. You are well aware that, as no thought can perish, so no act is without infinite result. We moved our hands, for example, when we were dwellers on the earth, and, in so doing, we gave vibration to the atmosphere which engirdled it. This vibration was indefinitely extended, till it gave impulse to every particle of the earth's air, which thenceforward, and for ever, was actuated by the one movement of the hand. This fact the mathematicians of our globe well knew. They made the special effects, indeed, wrought in the fluid by special impulses, the subject of exact calculation so that it became easy to deter- mine in what precise period an impulse of given extent would engirdle the orb, and impress (for ever) every atom of the atmos- phere circumambient. Retrograding, they found no difficulty, from a given effect, under given conditions, in determining the value of the original impulse. Now the mathematicians who saw that the results of any given impulse were absolutely endless and who saw that a portion of these results were accurately traceable through the agency of algebraic analysis who saw, too, the facility of the retrogradation these men saw, at the same time, that this species of analysis itself, had within itself a capacity for indefinite pro- gress that there were no bounds conceivable to its advancement and applicability, except within the intellect cf him who advanced or applied it. But at this point our mathematicians paused. Oinos. And why, Agathos, should they have proceeded ? Agathos. Because there were some considerations of deep interest beyond. It was deducible from what they knew, that to a be : ng of infinite understanding one to whom the perfection of the algebraic analysis lay unfolded there could be no difficulty in tracing every impulse given the air and the ether through the air to the remotest consequences at any even infinitely remote epoch of time. It is indeed demonstrable that every such impulse given the air, must, in the end, impress every individual thing that exists within the universe ; and the being of infinite understand- ing the being whom we have imagined might trace the remote 874 THE POWER OF WORDS. undulations of ilie impulse trace them upward and onward in their influences upon all particles of all matter upward and on- ward for ever in their modifications of old forms or, in ether words, in their creation of new until he found them reflected unimpressive at last back from the throne of the Godhead. And not only could such a being do this, but at any epoch, should a given result be afforded him should one of these numberless comets, for example, be presented to his inspection he could have no difficulty in determining, by the analytic retrogradation, to what original impulse it was due. This power of retrogradation in its absolute fulness and perfection this faculty of referring at all epochs, all effects to all causes is of course the prerogative of the Deity alone but in every variety of degree, short of the absolute perfection, is the power itself exercised by the whole host of the Angelic Intelligences. Oinos. But you speak merely of impulses upon the air. Agathos. In speaking of the air, I referred only to the earth : but the general proposition has reference to impulses upon the ether which, since it pervades, and alone pervades all space, is thus the great medium of creation. Oinos. Then all motion, of whatever nature, creates ? Agathos. It must : but a true philosophy has long taught that the source of all motion is thought and the source of all thought is Oinos. God. Agathos. I have spoken to you, Oinos, as to a child of the fair Earth which lately perished of impulses upon the atmosphere of the Earth. Oinos. You did. Agathos. And while I thus spoke, did there not cross your mind some thought of the physical power of words ? Is not every word an impulse on the air ? Oinos. But why, Agathos, do you weep and why, oh why do your wings droop as we hover above this fair star which is the greenest and yet most terrible of all we have encountered in our flight ? Its brilliant flowers look like a fairy dream but its fierce volcanoes like the passions of a turbulent heart. Agathos. They are ! they are ! This wild star it is now THE POWER OF WORDS. 375 three centuries since, with clasped hands, and with streaming eyes, at the feet of my beloved I spoke it with a few passionate sen- tences into birth. Its brilliant flowers are the dearest of all un- fulfilled dreams, and its raging volcanoes are the passions of the most turbulent and unhallowed of hearts. THE COLLOQUY OF MONOS AND DMA MfXXovra rawra' Sophocles Antig : These things are in the future. Una. " Born again ?" Monos. Yes, fairest and best beloved Una, " born again.' 1 These were the words upon whose mystical meaning I had so long pondered, rejecting the explanations of the priesthood, until Death himself resolved for me the secret. Una. Death ! Monos. How strangely, sweet Una, you echo my words ! I observe, too, a vacillation in your step a joyous inquietude in your eyes. You are confused and oppressed by the majestic novelty of the Life Eternal. Yes, it was of Death I spoke. And here how singularly sounds that word which of old was wont to bring terror to all hearts throwing a mildew upon all pleas- ures ! Una. Ah, Death, the spectre which sate at all feasts ! How often, Monos, did we lose ourselves in speculations upon its na- ture ! How mysteriously did it act as a check to human bliss saying unto it " thus far, and no farther !" That earnest mutual love, my own Monos, which burned within our bosoms how vainly did we flatter ourselves, feeling happy in its first up springing, that our happiness would strengthen with its strength ! Alas ! as it grew, so grew in our hearts the dread of that evil hour which was hurrying to separate us forever ! Thus, in time, it became painful to love. Hate would have been mercy then. THE COLLOQUY OF MONOS AND UNA. 377 Monos. Speak not here of these griefs, dear Una mine, mine Ibrever now ! Una. But the memory of past sorrow is it not present joy ? I have much to say yet of the things which have been. Above all, 1 burn to know the incidents of your own passage through the dark Valley and Shadow. Monos. And when did the radiant Una ask anything of her Monos in vain ? I will be minute in relating all but at what point shall the weird narrative begin ? Una. At what point ? Monos. You have said. Una. Monos, I comprehend you. In Death we have both learned the propensity of man to define the indefinable. I will not say, then, commence with the moment of life's cessation but commence with that sad, sad instant when, the fever having abandoned you, you sank into a breathless and motionless torpor, and I pressed down your pallid eyelids with the passionate fingers of love. Monos. One word first, my Una, in regard to man's general condition at this epoch. You will remember that one or two of the wise among our forefathers wise in fact, although not in the world's esteem had ventured to doubt the propriety of the term " improvement," as applied to the progress of our civilization. There were periods in each of the five or six centuries im- mediately preceding our dissolution, when arose some vigorous in- tellect, boldly contending for those principles whose truth appears now, to our disenfranchised reason, so utterly obvious principles which should have taught our race to submit to the guidance of the natural laws, rather than attempt their control. At long in- tervals some master-minds appeared, looking upon each advance in practical science as a retro-gradation in the true utility. Oc- casionally the poetic intellect that intellect which we now feel to nave been the most exalted of all since those truths which to us were of the most enduring importance could only be reached by that analogy which speaks in proof-tones to the imagination alone, and to the unaided reason bears no weight occasionally did this poetic intellect proceed a step farther in the evolving of the vague idea of the philosophic, and find in the mystic parable that tella 378 THE COLLOQUY OF MONOS AND UNA. of the tree of knowledge, and of its forbidden fruit, death-pio. ducing, a distinct intimation that knowledge was not meet foi man in the infant condition of his soul. And these men the poets living and perishing amid the scorn of the " utilitarians" ot lough pedants, who arrogated to themselves a title which could have been properly applied only to the scorned these men, the poets, pondered piningly, yet not unwisely, upon the ancient lays when our wants were not more simple than our enjoyments were keen days when mirth was a word unknown, so solemnly deep-toned was happiness holy, august and blissful days, when blue rivers \an undammed, between hills unhewn, into far forest solitudes, primaeval, odorous, and unexplored. Yet these noble exceptions from the general 'misrule served but to strengthen it by opposition. Alas ! we had fallen upon the most evil of all our evil days. The great " movement" that was the cant term went on : a diseased commotion, moral and physical. Art the Arts arose supreme, and, once enthroned, cast chains upon the intellect which had elevated them to power. Man, because he could not but acknowledge the majesty of Na- ture, fell into childish exultation at his acquired and still-in- creasing dominion over her elements. Even while he stalked a God in his own fancy, an infantine imbecility came over him. As might be supposed from the origin of his disorder, he grew in- fected with system, and with abstraction. He enwrapped himsell in generalities. Among other odd ideas, that of universal equal- ity gained ground ; and in the face of analogy and of God in despite of the loud warning voice of the laws of gradation so visibly pervading all things in Earth and Heaven wild attempts at an omni-prevalent Democracy were made. Yet this evil sprang necessarily from the leading evil, Knowledge. Man could not both know and succumb. Meantime huge smoking cities arose, innumerable. Green leaves shrank before the hot breath of furnaces. The fair face of Nature was deformed as with the ravages of some loathsome disease. And methinks, sweet Una, even our slumbering sense of the forced and of the far-fetched might have arrested us here. But now it appears that we had worked out our own destruction in the perversion of our taste, or rather in the blind neglect of its culture in the THE COLLOQUY OF MONOS AND UNA. 379 schools. For, in truth, it was at this crisis that taste alone that faculty which, holding a middle position between the pure intel- lect and the moral sense, could never safely have been disregard, ed it was now that taste alone could have led us gently back to Beauty, to Nature, and to Life. But alas for the pure con- templative spirit and majestic intuition of Plato ! Alas for the itawmii which he justly regarded as an all-sufficient education for the soul ! Alas for him and for it ! since both were most des- perately needed when bcth were most entirely forgotten 01 despised.* Pascal, a philosopher whom we both love, has said, how truly ! " que tout notre raisGntientent se reduit a ceder an sentiment ;" and it is not impossible that the sentiment of the natural, had time permitted it, would have regained its old ascendancy over the harsh mathematical reason of the schools. But this thing was not to be. Prematurely induced by intemperance of knowledge, the old age of the world drew on. This the mass of mankind saw not, or, living lustily although unhappily, affected not to see. But, for myself, the Earth's records had taught me to look for widest ruin as the price of highest civilization. I had imbibed a prescience of our Fate from comparison of China the simple and enduring, with Assyria the architect, with Egypt the astrologer, with Nubia, more crafty than either, the turbulent mother of all Arts. In historyf of these regions I met with a ray from the Fu- * " It will be hard to discover a better [method of education] than that which the experience of so many ages has already discovered ; and this may be summed up as consisting in gymnastics for the body, and music for the soul.' ; Repub. lib. 2. " For this reason is a musical education most essential ; sine* it causes Rhythm and Harmony to penetrate most intimately into the soul, ta- king the strongest hold upon it, filling it with beauty and making the man beau tiful-minded He will praise and admire the beautiful; will receive i*. with joy into his soul, will feed upon it, and assimilate his own condition with it. : ' Ibid. lib. 3. Music QiovaiKri) had, however, among the Athenians, a fai more comprehensive signification than with us. It included not only the har Iionies of time ai.d of tune, but the poetic diction, sentiment and creation each in its widest sense. The study of music was with them, in fact, the gen- eral cultivation of the taste of that which recognizes the beautiful in con- tra-distinction from reason, which deals only with the true. t " History," from laropav, to contemplate. 380 THE COLLOQUY OF MONOS AND UNA. Mire. The individual artificialities of the three latter were local diseases of the Earth, and in their individual overthrows we had seen local remedies applied ; but for the infected world at large I could anticipate no regeneration save in death. That man, as a race, should not become extinct, I saw that he must be " born again." And now it was, fairest and dearest, that we wrapped our spir- its, daily, in dreams. Now it was that, in twilight, we discoursed of the days to come, when the Art-scarred surface of the Earth, having undergone that purification* which alone could efface its rectangular obscenities, should clothe itself anew in the verdure and the mountain-slopes and the smiling waters of Paradise, and be rendered at length a fit dwelling-place for man : for man the Death-purged for man to whose now exalted intellect there should be poison in knowledge no more for the redeemed, regen- erated, blissful, and now immortal, but still for the material, man. U r na. Well do I remember these conversations, dear Monos ; but the epoch of the fiery overthrow was not so near at hand as we believed, and as the corruption you indicate did surely war- rant us in believing. Men lived ; and died individually. You yourself sickened, and passed into the grave ; and thither your constant Una speedily followed you. And though the century which has since elapsed, and whose conclusion brings us thus to- gether once more, tortured our slumbering senses with no impa- tience of duration, yet, my Monos, it was a century still. Monos. Say, rather, a point in the vague infinity. Unques- tionably, it was in the Earth's dotage that I died. Wearied at heart with anxieties which had their origin in the general turmoil and decay, I succumbed to the fierce fever. After some few days of pain, and many of dreamy delirium replete with ecstasy, the manifestations of which you mistook for pain, while I longed but was impotent to undeceive you after some days there came upon me, as you have said, a breathless and motionless torpor j and this was termed Death by those who stood around me. Words are vague things. My condition did not deprive me of The word "purification" seems here to be used with reference to its rool in the Greek *vp, firo. THE COLLOQUY OF MONOS AND UNA. 381 sentience. It appeared to me not greatly dissimilar to the ex treme quiescence of him, who, having slumbered long and pro- foundly, lying motionless and fully prostrate in a midsummel noon, begins to steal slowly back into consciousness, through the mere sufficiency of his sleep, and without being awakened by ex. ternal disturbances. I breathed no longer. The pulses were still. The heart had ceased to beat. Volition had not departed, but was powerless. The senses were unusually active, although eccentrically so as- suming often each other's functions at random. The taste and the smell were inextricably confounded, and became one senti. ment, abnormal and intense. The rose-water with which your tenderness had moistened my lips to the last, affected me with sweet fancies of flowers fantastic flowers, far more lovely than any of the old Earth, but whose prototypes we have here bloom- ing around us. The eyelids, transparent and bloodless, offered no complete impediment to vision. As volition was in abeyance the balls could not roll in their sockets but all objects within the range of the visual hemisphere were seen with more or less dis- tinctness ; the rays which fell upon the external retina, or into the corner of the eye, producing a more vivid effect than those which struck the front or interior surface. Yet, in the former instance, this effect was so far anomalous that I appreciated it only as sound sound sweet or discordant as the matters present- ing themselves -at my side were light or dark in shade curved or angular in outline. The hearing, at the same time, although excited in degree, was not irregular in action estimating real sounds with an extravagance of precision, not less than of sensi- bility. Touch had undergone a modification more peculiar. Its impressions were tardily received, but pertinaciously retained, and resulted always in the highest physical pleasure. Thus the pressure of your sweet fingers upon my eyelids, at first only rec- ognised through vision, at length, long after their removal, filled my whole being with a sensual delight immeasurable. I say with a sensual delight. All my perceptions were purely sensual. The materials furnished the passive brain by the senses were not in the least degree wrought into shape by the deceased under- standing. Of pain there was some little ; of pleasure there was 382 THE COLLOQUY OF MONOS AND UNA. much ; but of moral pain or pleasure none at all. Thus you) wild sobs floated into my ear with all their mournful cadences, and were appreciated in their every variation of sad tone ; but they were soft musical sounds and no more ; they conveyed to the extinct reason no intimation of the sorrows which gave them birth ; while the large and constant tears which fell upon my face, telling the bystanders of a heart which broke, thrilled every fibre of my frame with ecstasy alone. And this was in truth the Death of which these bystanders spoke reverently, in low whis- pers you, sweet Una, gaspingly, with loud cries. They attired me for the coffin three or four dark figures which flitted busily to and fro. As these crossed the direct line of my vision they affected me as forms ; but upon passing to my side their images impressed me with the idea of shrieks, groans, and other dismal expressions of terror, of horror, or of wo. You alone, habited in a white robe, passed in all directions musically about me. The day waned ; and, as its light faded away, I became pos- sessed by a vague uneasiness an anxiety such as the sleeper feels when sad real sounds fall continuously within his ear low distant bell-tones, solemn, at long but equal intervals, and com- mingling with melancholy dreams. Night arrived ; and with its shadows a heavy discomfort. It oppressed my limbs with the op- pression of some dull weight, and was palpable. There was also a moaning sound, not unlike the distant reverberation of surf, but more continuous, which, beginning with the first twilight, had grown in strength with the darkness. Suddenly lights were brought into the room, and this reverberation became forthwith interrupted into frequent unequal bursts of the same sound, but less dreary and less distinct. The ponderous oppression was in a great measure relieved ; and, issuing from the flame of each lamp, (for there were many,) there flowed unbrokenly into my ears a strain of melodious monotone. And when now, dear Una, approaching the bed upon which I lay outstretched, you sat gently by my side, breathing odor from your sweet lips, and pressing them upon my brow, there arose tremulously within my bosom, and mingling with the merely physical sensations which circum- stances had called forth, a something akin to sentiment itself a THE COLLOQUY OF MOM US A^D UNA. 383 feeling that, half appreciating, half responded to your earnest love and sorrow ; but this feeling took no root in the pulseless heart, and seemed indeed rather a shadow than a reality, and faded quickly away, first into extreme quiescence, and then into a purely sensual pleasure as before. And now, from the wreck and the chaos of the usual senses, there appeared to have arisen within me a sixth, all perfect. In its exercise I found a wild delight yet a delight still physical, in- asmuch as the understanding had in it no part. Motion in the animal frame had fully ceased. No muscle quivered ; no nerve thrilled ; no artery throbbed. But there seemed to have sprung up in the brain, that of which no words could convey to the merely human intelligence even an indistinct conception. Let me term it a mental pendulous pulsation. It was the moral embodiment of man's abstract idea of Time. By the absolute equalization of this movement or of such as this had the cycles of the fir- mamental orbs themselves, been adjusted. By its aid I measured the irregularities of the clock upon the mantel, and of the watches of the attendants. Their tickings came sonorously to my ears. The slightest deviations from the true proportion and these devi- ations were omni-prsevalent affected me just as violations of ab- stract truth were wont, on earth, to affect the moral sense. Al. though no two of the time-pieces in the chamber struck the indi- vidual seconds accurately together, yet I had no difficulty in hold- ing steadily in mind the tones, and the respective momentary errors of each. And this this keen, perfect, self-existing senti- ment of duration this sentiment existing (as man could not pos- sibly have conceived it to exist) independently of any succession of events this idea this sixth sense, upspringing from the ashes of the rest, was the first obvious and certain step of the intempo- ral soul upon the threshold of the temporal Eternity. It was midnight ; and you still sat by my side. All others had departed from the chamber of Death. They had deposited me in the coffin. The lamps burned flickeringly ; for this I knew by the tremulousness of the monotonous strains. But, suddenly these strains diminished in distinctness and in volume. Finally they ceased. The perfume in my nostrils died away. Forms affected my vision no longer. The oppression of the Darkness 384 THE COLLOQUY OF MONOS AND UNA. uplifted itself from my bosom. A dull shock like that of elec- tricity pervaded my frame, and was followed by total loss of the idea of contact. All of what man has termed sense was merged in the sole consciousness of entity, and in the one abiding senti- ment of duration. The mortal body had been at length stricken with the hand of the deadly Decay. Yet had not all of sentience departed ; for the consciousness and the sentiment remaining supplied some of its functions by a lethargic intuition. I appreciated the direful change now in ope- ration upon the flesh, and, as the dreamer is sometimes aware of the bodily presence of one who leans over him, so, sweet Una, [ still dully felt that you sat by my side. So, too, when the noon of the second day came, I was not unconscious of those movements which displaced you from my side, which confined me within the coffin, which deposited me within the hearse, which bore me to the grave, which lowered me within it, which heaped heavily the mould upon me, and which thus left me, in blackness and corruption, to my sad and solemn slumbers with the worm. And here, in the prison-house which has few secrets to disclose, there rolled away days and weeks and months ; and the soul watched narrowly each second as it flew, and, without effort, took record of its flight without effort and without object. A year passed. The consciousness of being had grown hour- ly more indistinct, and that of mere locality had, in great meas- ure, usurped its position. The idea of entity was becoming merged in that of place. The narrow space immediately sur- rounding what had been the body, was now growing to be the body itself. At length, as often happens to the sleeper (by sleep and its world alone is Death imaged) at length, as sometimes happened on Earth to the deep slumberer, when some flitting light half startled him into awaking, yet left him half enveloped in dreams so to me, in the strict embrace of the Shadow, came that light which alone might have had power to startle the light of enduring Love. Men toiled at the grave in which I lay darkling. They upthrew the damp earth. Upon my mouldering bones there descended the coffin of Una. And now again all was void. That nebulous light had been extinguished. That feeble thrill had vibrated itself into quies- THE COLLOQUY OF MONOS AND UNA. 385 cence. Many lustra had supervened. Dust had returned to dust. The worm had food no more. The sense of being had at length utterly departed, and there reigned in its stead instead of all things dominant and perpetual the autocrats Place and Time. For that which was not for that which had no form for that which had no thought for that which had no sentience for that which was soulless, yet of which matter formed no por lion for all this nothingness, yet for all this immortality, tits, grave was still a home, and the corrosive hours, co-mate^ THE TIvp .alogous misfortunes had been long a subject of dis. cussion with astronomers. I need scarce tell you, my friend, that, even w'ien you left us, men had agreed to understand those passages in the most holy writings which speak of the final de s! ruction of all things by fire, as having reference to the orb of the earth alone. But in regard to the immediate agency of the ruin, speculation had been at fault from that epoch in astronom ical knowledge in which the comets were divested of the terror* of flame. The very moderate density of these bodies had been well established. They had been observed to pass among the satellites of Jupiter, without bringing about any sensible altera- tion either in the masses or in the orbits of these secondary planets. We had long regarded the wanderers as vapory ere- ations of inconceivable tenuity, and as altogether incapable of doing injury to our substantial globe, even in the event of con. tact. But contact was not in any degree dreaded ; for the ele- ments of all the comets were accurately known. That among them we should look for the agency of the threatened fiery de- struction had been for many years considered an inadmissible idea. But wonders and wild fancies had been, of late days, strangely rife among mankind j and, although it was only with a few of the ignorant that actual apprehension prevailed, upon the announcement by astronomers of a new comet, yet this announce ment was generally received with I know not what of agitation and mistrust. The elements of the strange orb were immediately calculated, and it was at once conceded by all observers, that its path, at perihelion, would bring it into very close proximity with the earth. There were two or three astronomers, of secondary note., who resolutely maintained that a contact was inevitable. I can- not very well express to you the effect of this intelligence upon the people. For a few short days they would not believe an as sertion which their intellect, so long employed among worldly con- siderations, could not in any manner grasp. But the truth of a vitally important fact soon makes its way into the understanding of even the most stolid. Finally, all men saw that astronomical knowledge lied not, and they awaited the comet. Its approach was not, at first, seemingly rapid ; nor was its appearance of THK CONVERSATION OF EIROS AND CHARMKXN. 3S9 very unusual character. It was of a dull red, and had little per- cepuble train. For seven or eight days we saw no material in- crease in its apparent diameter, and but a partial alteration in its color. Meantime, the ordinary affairs of men were discarded, and all interests absorbed in a growing discussion, instituted by the philosophic, in respect to the cometary nature. Even the grossly ignorant aroused their sluggish capacities to such con- siderations. The learned now gave their intellect their soul to no such points as the allaying of fear, or to the sustenance of loved theory. They sought they panted for right views, They groaned ior perfected knowledge. Truth arose in the purity of her strength and exceeding majesty, and the wise bowed down and adored. That material injury to our globe or to its inhabitants would result from the apprehended contact, was an opinion which hour- ly lost ground among the wise ; and the wise were now freely permitted to rule the reason and the fancy of the crowd. It was demonstrated, that the density of the comet's nucleus was far less than that of our rarest gas ; and the harmless passage of a similar visitor among the satellites of Jupiter was a point strongly insisted upon, and which served greatly to allay terror. Theologists, with an earnestness fear-enkindled, dwelt upon the biblical prophecies, and expounded them to the people with a directness and simplicity of which no previous instance had been known. That the final destruction of the earth must be brought about by the agency of fire, was urged with a spirit that enforced every where conviction ; and that the comets were of no fiery nature (as all men now knew) was a truth which relieved all, in a great measure, from the apprehension of the great calamity foretold. It is noticeable that the popular prejudices and vulgar errors in regard to pesti- lences and wars errors which were wont to prevail upon every appearance of a comet were now altogether unknown. As if by some sudden convulsive exertion, reason had at once hurled superstition from her throne. The feeblest intellect had derived vigor from excessive interest. What minor evils might arise from the contact were points of elaborate question. The learned spoke of slight geological dis- turbances, of probable alterations in climate, and consequently in vegetation ; of uossible magnetic and electric influences. Many 390 THE CONVERSATION OF EIROS AND CHARMION. held that no visible or perceptible effect would in any manner be produced. While such discussions were going on, their subject gradually approached, growing larger in apparent diameter, and of a more brilliant lustre. Mankind grew paler as it came. All human operations were suspended. There was an epoch in the course of the general sentiment when the comet had attained, at length, a size surpassing that of- any previously recorded visitation. The people now, dismissing any lingering hope that the astronomers were wrong, experienced all the certainty of evil. The chimerical aspect of their terror was gone. The hearts of the stoutest of our race beat violently within their bosoms. A very few days sufficed, however, to merge even such feelings in sentiments more unendurable. We could no longer apply to the strange orb any accustomed thoughts. Its historical attributes had disappeared. It oppressed us with a hideous novelty of emotion. We saw it not as an astronomical phenomenon in the heavens', but as an incubus upon our hearts, and a shadow upon our brains. It had taken, with inconceivable rapidity, the character of a gigantic mantle of rare flame, extend ing from horizon to horizon. Yet a day, and men breathed with greater freedom. It was clear that we were already within the influence of the comet ; yet we lived. We even felt an unusual elasticity of frame and vivacity of mind. The exceeding tenuity of the object of our dread was apparent ; for all heavenly objects were plainly visible through it. Meantime, our vegetation had perceptibly altered ; and we gained faith, from this predicted circumstance, in the fore- sight of tbe wise. A wild luxuriance of foliage, utterly unknown before, burst out upon every vegetable thing. Yet another day and the evil was not altogether upon us. It was now evident that its nucleus would first reach us. A wild change had come over all men ; and the first sense of pain was ihe wild signal for general lamentation and horror. This first sense of pain lay in a rigorous constriction of the breast and lungs, and an insufferable dryness of the skin. It could not be denied that our atmosphere was radically affected ; the conforma- tion of this atmosphere and the possible modifications to which it might be subjected, were now the topics of discussion. The re- THE CONVERSATION OF EIROS AND CIIARMION. 391 suit of investigation sent an electric thrill of the intensest terror through the universal heart of man. It had been long known that the air which encircled us was a compound of oxygen and nitrogen gases, in the proportion 01 twenty-one measures of oxygen, and seventy-nine of nitrogen, in every one hundred of the atmosphere. Oxygen, which was the principle of combustion, and the vehicle of heat, was absolutely necessary to the support of animal life, and was the most power- ful and energetic agent in nature. Nitrogen, en the contrary, was incapable of supporting cither animal life or flame. An un- natural excess of oxygen would result, it had been ascertained, in just such an elevation of the animal spirits as we had lat- terly experienced. It was the pursuit, the -extension of the idea, which had engendered awe. What would be the result of a to- tal extraction of the nitrogen ? A combustion irresistible, all- devouring, omni-prevalent, immediate ; the entire fulfilment, in all their minute and terrible details, of the fiery and horror-in- spiring denunciations of the prophecies of the Holy Book. Why need I paint, Charmion, the now disenchained frenzy of mankind ? That tenuity in the comet which had previously in- spired us with hope, was now the source of the bitterness of de- spair. In its impalpable gaseous character we clearly perceived the consummation of Fate. Meantime a day again passed bearing away with it the last shadow of Hope. We gasped in the rapid modification of the air. The red blood bounded tumul- tuously through its strict channels. A furious dehiium possessed all men ; and, with arms rigidly outstretched towards the threat- ening heavens, they trembled and shrieked aloud. But the nu cleus of the destroyer was now upon us ; even here in Aidenn, I shudder while I speac. Let me be brief brief as the ruin that overwhelmed. For a moment there was a wild lurid light alone, visiting and penetrating all things. Then let us bow down Charmion, before the excessive majesty of the great God ! then, there came a shouting and pervading sound, as if from the mouth itself of HIM ; while the whole incumbent mass of ether in which we existed, burst at once into a species of intense flame, for whose surpassing brilliancy and all-fervid htat even the angels in the high Heaven of pure knowledge have no name. Thus ended all. SHADOW, -A PARABLE, Yea ! though I walk through the valley of the Shadow : Psalm of David YE who read are still among the living: but I who write shall have long since gone my way into the region of shadows. For indeed strange things shall happen, and secret things be known, and many centuries shall pass away, ere these memorials be seen of men. And, when seen, there will be some to disbelieve, ana Borne to doubt, and yet a few who will find much to ponder upon in the characters here graven with a stylus of iron. The year had been a year of terror, and of feelings more intense than terror for which there is no name upon the earth. For many prodigies and signs had taken place, and far and wide, over sea and land, the black wings of the Pestilence were spread abroad. To those, nevertheless, tunning in the stars, it was not unknown that the heavens wore an aspect of ill ; and to me, the Greek Oinos, among others, it was evident that now had arrived the alternation of that seven hundred and ninety-fourth year when, at the entrance of Aries, the planet Jupiter is conjoined with the red ring of the terrible Saturnus. The peculiar spirit of the skies, if I mistake not greatly, made itself manifest, not only in the physical orb of the earth, but in the souls, imaginations, and meditations of mankind. Over some flasks of the red Chian wine, within the walls of a noble hall, in a dim city called Ptolemais, we sat, at night, a com- pany of seven. And to our chamber there was no entrance save by a lofty door of brass : and the door was fashioned by the arti- san Corinnos, and, being of rare workmanship, was fastened from SHADOW. A PARABLE. 393 A'ithin. Black draperies, likewise, in the gloomy room, shut out from our view the moon, the lurid stars, and the peopleless streets but the boding and the memory of Evil, they would not be so excluded. There were things around us and about of which I can render no distinct account things material and spiritual heavi- ness in the atmosphere a sense of suffocation anxiety and, above all, that terrible state of existence which the nervous experi- ence when the senses are keenly living and awake, and meanwhile the powers of thought lie dormant. A dead weight hung upon us. It hung upon our limbs upon the household furniture upon the goblets from which we drank ; and all things were depressed, and borne down thereby all things save only the flames of the seven iron lamps which illumined our revel. Up- rearing themselves in tall slender lines of light, they thus remained burning all pallid and motionless ; and in the mirror which their lustre formed upon the round table of ebony at which we sat, each of us there assembled beheld the pallor of his own countenance, and the unquiet glare in the downcast eyes of his companions. Yet we laughed and were merry in our proper way which was hysterical ; and sang the songs of Anacreon which are madness ; and drank deeply although the purple wine reminded us of blood. For there was yet another tenant of our chamber in the person of young Zoilus. Dead, and at full length he lay, enshrouded ; the genius and the demon of the scene. Alas ! he bore 110 portion in our mirth, save that his co.untenance, distorted with the plague, and his eyes in which Death had but half extinguished the fire of the pestilence, seemed to take such interest in our merriment as the dead may haply take in the merriment of those who are to die. But although I, Oinos, felt that the eyes of the departed were upon me, still I forced myself not to perceive the bitterness of their expression, and, gazing down steadily into the depths of the ebony mirror, sang with a loud and sonorous voice the songs of the son of Teios. But gradually my songs they ceased, and their echoes, rolling afar off among the sable draperies of the chamber, became weak, and undistinguishable, and so faded away. And lo ! from among those sable draperies where the sounds of the song departed, there came forth a dark and undefined shadow n shadow such as the moon, when low in heaven, might fashion 394 SHADOW. A PARABLE. from the figure of a man : Imt it was the shadow neither of nifin nor of God, nor of any familiar thing. And quivering awhile lunong the draperies of the room, it at length rested in full view upon the surface of the door of brass. But the shadow was vague, and formless, and indefinite, and was the shadow neither of man nor God neither God of Greece, nor God of Chaldsea, noi any Egyptian God. And the shadow rested upon the brazen doorway, and under the arch of the entablature of the door, and moved not, nor spoke any word, but there became stationary and remained. And the door whereupon the shadow rested was, if I remember aright, over against the feet of the young Zoilus en- shrouded. But we, the seven there assembled, having seen the shadow as it came out from among the draperies, dared not stead- ily behold it, but cast down our eyes, and gazed continually into the depths of the mirror of ebony. And at length I, Oinos, speaking some low words, demanded of the shadow its dwelling and its appellation. And the shadow answered, " I am SHADOW, and my dwelling is near to the Catacombs of Ptolemais, and hard by those dim plains of Helusion which border upon the foul Charonian canal." And then did we, the seven, start from our Beats in horror, and stand trembling, and shuddering, and aghast* for the tones in the voice of the shadow were not the tones of any one being, but of a multitude of beings, and, varying in their uadences from syllable to syllable, fell duskily upon our ears in the well remembered and familiar accents of many thousand departed friends. SILENCE.-A FABLE, loud and so expressive of wo, that it struck upon my ner:es like a knell, and as the monster disappeared at the foot of the bill, I fell at once, fainting, to the floor. Upon recovering, my first impulse of course was, to inform my friend of what I had seen and heard and I can scarcely explain what feeling of repugnance it was, which, in the end. operated to prevent me. 414 THE SPHINX. At length, one evening, some three or four clays ifter the occur- rence, we were sitting together in the room in which I had seen the apparition I occupying the same seat at the same window, and he lounging on a sofa near at hand. The association of the place and time impelled me to give him an account of the phe- nomenon. He heard me to the end at first laughed heartily mid then lapsed into an excessively grave demeanor, as if my in- sanity was a thing beyond suspicion. At this instant I again had a distinct view of the monster to which, with a shout of abso- lute terror, I now directed his attention. He looked eagerly but maintained that he saw nothing although I designated minutely the course of the creature, as it made its way down the naked face of the hill. 1 was now immeasurably alarmed, for I considered the vision either as an omen of my death, or, worse, as the forerunner of an attack of mania. I threw myself passionately back in my chair, and for some moments buried my face in my hands. When I uncovered my eyes, the apparition was no longer visible. My host, however, had in some degree resumed the calmness of his demeanor, and questioned me very rigorously in respect to the conformation of the visionary creature. When I had fully satisfied him on this head, he sighed deeply, as if relieved of some intolerable burden, and went on to talk, with what I thought a cruel calmness, of various points of speculative philosophy, which had heretofore formed subject of discussion between us. I remem- ber his insisting very especially (among other things) upon the idea that the principal source of error in all human investigations, lay in the liability of the understanding to under-rate or to over- value the importance of an object, through mere misadmeasure- ment of its propinquity. " To estimate properly, for example," he said, " the influence to be exercised on mankind at large by the thoiough diffusion of Democracy, the distance of the epoch at which such diffusion may possibly be accomplished, should not fail to form an item in the estimate. Yet can you tell me one writer on the subject of government, who has ever thought this particu- lar branch of the subject worthy of discussion at all ?" He here paused for a moment, stepped to a book-case, and brought forth one of the ordinary synopses of Natural History. THE SPHINX. 415 Requesting me then to exchange seats with him, that he miirht the better distinguish the fine print of the volume, he took my arm-chair at the window, and, opening the book, resumed his dis- course veiy much in the same tone as before. "But for your exceeding minuteness," he said, " in describing the monster, I might never have had it in my power to demon- strate to you what it was. In the first place, let me read to you a school-boy account of the genus Sphinx, of the family Crepuscu- laria, of the order Lepidoptera, of the class of Insecta or insects. The account runs thus : " ' Four membranous wings covered vith little colored scales of a metallic appearance ; mouth forming a . oiled proboscis, produc ed by an elongation of the jaws, upon the sides of which are found the rudiments of manibles and downy palpi ; the inferior wings retained to the superior by a stiff hair ; autennoe in the form of an elongated club, prismatic ; abdomen pointed. The Death's-headed Sphinx has occasioned much terror among the vulgar, at times, by the melancholy kind of cry which : t utters, and the insignia of death which it wears upon its corslet.' " He here closed the book and leaned forward in the ch?ur, placing himself accurately in the position which I had occupied at the moment of beholding " the monster." '' Ah, here it is !" he presently exclaimed " it is reascendin^ the face of the hill, and a very remarkable looking creature, I admit it to be. Still, it is by no means so large or so distant as you imagined it ; for the fact is that, as it wriggles its way up this thread, which some spider has wrought along the window- sash, I find it to be about the sixteenth of an inch in its extreme length, and also about the sixteenth of an inch distant from the pupil of my eye." THE MAN OF THE CROWD Ce grand mallieur, de ne pouvoir etre senl. La Bruyf-re. IT was well said of a certain German book that " er lasst sich .licht lesen" it does not permit itself to be read. There are some secrets which do not permit themselves to be told. Men die nightly in their beds, wringing the hands of ghostly confessors, and looking them piteously in the eyes die with despair of hear 4 and convulsion of throat, on account of the hideousness of myste- ries which will not suffer themselves to be revealed. Now ana then, alas, the conscience of man takes up a burthen so heavy in horror that it can be thrown down only into the grave. And thus the essence of. all crime is undivulged. Not long ago, about the closing in of an evening in autumn, i sat at the large bow window of the D Coffee-House in Lon- don. For some months I had been ill in health, but was now convalescent, and, with returning strength, found myself in one of those happy moods which are so precise!" 'he converse of en- nui moods of the keenest appetency, wht-n the film from the mental vision departs the npc x " J *("" ^i and the intellect, electrified, surpasses as greatly its every-day condition, as dooa the vivid yet candid reason of Leibnitz, the mad and flimsy rhetoric of Gorgias. Merely to breathe was enjoyment ; and I de- rived positive pleasure even from many of the legitimate source^ of pain. I felt a calm but inquisitive interest in' every thing. With a cigar in my mouth and a newspaper in my lap, I had been amusing myself for the greater pan of the afternoon, now in THE MA.N OF THE CROWD. 417 poring over advertisements, now in observing the promiscuous company in the room, and now in peering through the smoky panes into the street. This latter is one of the principal thoroughfares of the city, and had been very much crowded during the whole day. But, as the darkness came on, the throng momently increased ; and, by the time the lamps were well lighted, two dense and continuous tides of population were rushing past the door. At this particu- lar period of the evening I had never before been in a similar sit- uation, and the tumultuous sea of human heads filled me, there- fore, with a delicious novelty of emotion. I gave up, at length, all care of things within the hotel, and became absorbed in con. templation of the scene without. At first my observations took an abstract and generalizing turn. I looked at the passengers in masses, and thought of them in their aggregate relations. Soon, however, I descended to de- tails, and regarded with minute interest the innumerable varie- ties of figure, dress, air, gait, visage, and expression of counte- nance. By far the greater number of those who went by had a satis- fied business-like demeanor, and seemed to-be thinking only of making their way through the press. Their brows were knit, and their eyes rolled quickly ; when pushed against by fellow, wayfarers they evinced no symptom of impatience, but adjusted their clothes and hurried on. Others, still a numerous class, were restless in their movements, had flushed faces, and talked and gesticulated to themselves, as if feeling in solitude on account of the very denseness of the company around. When impeded iu their progress, these people suddenly ceased muttering, but re- doubled their gesticulations, and awaited, with an absent and overdone smile upon the lips, the course of the persons impeding them. If jostled, they bowed profusely to the jostlers, and ap- peared overwhelmed with confusion. There was nothing very distinctive about these two large classes beyond what I have noted Their habiliments belonged to that order which is pointedly term- ed the decent. They were undoubtedly noblemen, merchants, attorneys, tradesmen, stock-jobbers the Eupatrids and the com- mon-places o^ society men of leisure and men actively engaged 418 THE MAN OF THE CROWD. in affairs of their own conducting business upon their own re. sponsibility. They did not greatly excite my attention.* The tribe of clerks was an obvious one ; and here I discerned two remarkable divisions. There were the junior clerks of flash nouses young gentlemen with tight coats, bright boots, well-oiled hair, and supercilious lips. Setting aside a certain dapperness of carriage, which may be termed deskism for want of a better word, the manner of these persons seemed to me an exact fac- simile of what had been the perfection of bon ton about twelve or eighteen months before. They wore the cast-off graces of the gentry ; and this, I believe, involves the best definition of the class. The division of the upper clerks of staunch firms, or of the " steady old fellows," it was not possible to mistake. These were known by their coats and pantaloons of black or brown, made to sit comfortably, with white cravats and waistcoats, broad solid-looking shoes, and thick hose or gaiters. They had all slightly bald heads, from which the right ears, long used to pen- holding, had an odd habit of standing off on end. I observed that they always removed or settled their hats with both hands, and wore watches, with short gold chains of a substantial and ancient pattern. Theirs was the affectation of respectability ; if indeed there be an affectation so honorable. There were many individuals of dashing appearance, whom 1 easily understood as belonging to the race of swell pick-pockets, with which all great cities are infested. I watched these gentry with much inquisitiveness, and found it difficult to imagine hov they should ever be mistaken for gentlemen by gentlemen them- selves. Their voluminousness of wristband, with an air of ex- cessive frankness, should betray them at once. The gamblers, of whom I descried not a few, were still more easily recognisable. They wore every variety of dress, from that of the desperate thimble-rig bully, with velvet waistcoat, fancy neckerchief, gilt chains, and filagreea buttons, to that oi the scrupulously inornate clergyman, than which nothi ig could be less liable to suspicion. Still all were distinguished by a cer- lain sodden swarthiness of complexion, a filmy dimness of eye, and pallor and compression ->f lip, There were two other traits. THE MAN OF THE CROWD. 419 moreovei, by which I could always detect them; a guarded lowness of tone in conversation, and a more than ordinary exten- sion of the thumb in a direction at right angles with the fingers. Very often, in company with these sharpers, I observed an order of men somewhat different in habits, but still birds of a kindred leather. They may be defined as the gentlemen who live by their wits. They seem to prey upon the public in two battalions that of the dandies and that of the military men. Of the first grade the leading features are long locks and smiles; of the second frogged coats and frowns. Descending in the scale of what is termed gentility, I found darker and deeper themes for speculation. I saw Jew pedlars, with hawk eyes flashing from countenances whose every other feature wore only an expression of abject humility ; sturdy pro- fessional street beggars scowling upon mendicants of a better stamp, whom despair alone had driven forth into the night for charity ; feeble and ghastly invalids, upon whom death had placed a sure hand, and who sidled and tottered through the mob, looking every one beseechingly in the face, as if in search of some chance consolation, some lost hope j modest young girls returning from long and late labor to a cheerless home, and shrinking more tearfully than indignantly from the glances of ruffians, whose direct contact, even, could not be avoided ; wo- men of the town of all kinds and of all ages the unequivocal beauty in the prime of her womanhood, putting one in mind of the statue in Lucian, with the surface of Parian marble, and the interior filled with filth the loathsome and utterly lost leper in rags the wrinkled, bejewelled and paint-begrimed beldame, ma- king a last elfbrt at youth the mere child of immature form, yet, from long association, an adept in the dreadful coquetries of her trade, and burning with a rabid ambition to be ranked the equal of her elders in vice ; drunkards innumerable and indescribable- some in shreds and patches, reeling, inarticulate, with bruised visage and lack-lustre eyes some in whole although filthy garments, with a slightly unsteady swagger, thick sensual lips, and hearty-looking rubicund faces others clothed in materials which had once been good, and which even now were scrupu- lously well brushed men who walked with a more than natu- 420 THE MAN OF THE CROWD. rally firm and springy step, but whose countenances were fearful ly pale, whose eyes hideously wild and red, and who clutched with quivering fingers, as they strode through the crowd, at every object which came within their reach ; beside these, pie-men, porters, coal-heavers, sweeps; organ-grinders, monkey-exhibiters and ballad mongers, those who vended with those who sang ; ragged artizans and exhausted laborers of every description, and all full of a noisy and inordinate vivacity which jarred discord- antly upoi the ear, and gave an aching sensation to the eye. As the night deepened, so deepened to me the interest of the scene ; for not only did the general character of the crowd ma- terially alter (its gentler features retiring in the gradual with- drawal of the more orderly portion of the people, and its harsher ones coming out into bolder relief, as the late hour brought forth every species of infamy from its den,) but the rays of the gas- lamps, feeble at first in their struggle with the dying day, had now at length gained ascendancy, and threw over eveiy thing a fitful and garish lustre. All was dark yet splendid as that ebony to which has been likened the style of Tertullian. The wild effects of the light enchained me to an examination of individual faces; and although the rapidity with which the world of light flitted before the window, prevented me from casting more than a glance upon each visage, still it seemed that, in my then peculiar mental state, I could frequently read, even in that brief interval of a glance, the history of long years. With my brow to the glass. I was thus occupied in scrutinizing the mob, when suddenly there came into view a countenance (that of a decrepid old man, some sixty-five or seventy years oi age,) a countenance which at once arrested and absorbed my whole attention, on account of the absolute idiosyncracy of its expression. Any thing even remotely resembling that expression I hud never seen before. I well remember that my first thought, upon beholding it, was that Retzch, had he viewed it, would have greatly preferred it to his own pictural incarnations of theiiend. As I endeavored, during the brief minute of my original survey, to form some analysis of the meaning conveyed, there arose con- fusedly and paradoxically within my mind, the ideas of vast, men. tal power, of caution, of penuriousness, of avarice of coolness, THE MAN OF THE CROWD. 421 of malice, of blood-thirstiness, of triumph, of merriment, of ex. cessive terror, of intense of supreme despair. I felt singularly aroused, startled, Ihscinated. " How wild a history," I said to myself, " is written within that bosom !" Then came a craving desire to keep the man in view to know more of him. Hurri- edly putting on an overcoat, and seizing my hat and cane, 1 made my way into the street, and pushed through the crowd in the direction which I had seen him take ; for he had already dis- appeared. With some little difficulty I at length came within sight of him, approached, and followed him closely, yet cautious- ly, so as not to attract his attention. I had now a good opportunity of examining his person. He Avas short in stature, very thin, and apparently very feeble. His clolhes, generally, were filthy and ragged ; but as he came, now and then, within the strong glare of a lamp, I perceived that his linen, although dirty, was of beautiful texture ; and my vision de- ceived me, or, through a rent in a closely -buttoned and evidently second-handed roquelaire which enveloped him, I caught a glimpse both of a diamond and of a dagger. These observations height- ened my curiosity, and I resolved to follow the stranger whither- soever he should go. It was now fully night-fall, and a thick humid fog hung over the city, soon ending in a settled and heavy rain. This change of weather had an odd effect upon the crowd, the whole of which was at once put into new commotion, and overshadowed by a world of umbrellas. The waver, the jostle, and the hum in- creased in a tenfold degree. For my own part I did not much regard the rain the lurking of an old fever in my system ren- dering the moisture somewhat too dangerously pleasant. Tying a handkerchief about my mouth, I kept on. For half an hour the old man held his way with difficulty along the great thor- oughfare; and I here walked close at his elbow through fear of losing sight of him. Never once turning his head to look bacK, he did not observe me. By and bye he passed into a cross street, which, although densely filled with people, was not quite so much thronged as the main one he had quitted. Here a change in his demeanor became evident. He walked more slowly and with less object than before more hesitatingly. He crossed 422 THE MAN OF THE CROWD. and le-crosseJ the way repeatedly without apparent aim ; and the press was still so thick, that, at every such movement, I was obliged to follow him closely. The street was a narrow and long one, and his course lay within it for nearly an hour, during which the passengers had gradually diminished to about that number which is ordinarily seen at noon in Broadway near the park so vast a difference is there between a London populace and that of tha most frequented American city. A second turn brought us into a square, brilliantly lighted, and overflowing with life. The old manner of the stranger re-appeared. His chin fell upon his breast, while his eyes rolled wildly from under his knit brows, in every direction, upon those who hemmed him in. He urged his way steadily and perseveringly. [ was surprised, however, to find, upon his having made the circuit of the square, that he turned and retraced his steps. Still more was I astonished to see him repeat the same walk several times once nearly detecting me as he came round with a sudden movement. In this exercise he spent another hour, at the end of which we met with far less interruption from passengers than at first. The rain fell fast ; the air grew cool ; and the people were retiring to their homes. With a gesture of impatience, the wanderer passed into a by-street comparatively deserted. Down this, some quar- ter of a mile long, he rushed with an activity I could not have dreamed of seeing in one so aged, and which put me to much trouble in pursuit. A few minutes brought us to a large and busy bazaar, with the localities of which the stranger appeared well acquainted, and where his original demeanor again became apparent, as he forced his way to and fro, without aim, among the host of buyers and sellers. During the hour and a half, or thereabouts, which we passed in this place, it required much caution on my part to keep him within reach without attracting his observation. Luckily I wore a pair of caoutchouc over-shoes, and could move about in perfect silence. At no moment did he see that I watched him. He entered shop after shop, priced nothing, spoke no word, and looked at all ob- jects with a wild and vacant stare. I was now utterly amazed at his behavior, and firmly resolved that we should not part until I had satisfied myself in some measure respecting him. THE MAN OF THE CROWD. 423 A loud-toned clock struck eleven, and the company were f:i*l deserting the bazaar. A shop-keeper, in putting up a shutter, jostled the old man, and at the instant I saw a strong shudder come over his frame. He hurried into the street, looked anxiously aro'ind him for an instant, and then ran with incredible swiftness through many crooked and peopleless lanes, until we emerged cure more upon the great thoroughfare whence we had started the street of the D Hotel. It no longer wore, however, the same aspect. It was still brilliant with gas ; but the rain fell fiercely, and there were few persons to be seen. The stranger grew pale. He walked moodily some paces up the once popu- lous avenue, then, with a heavy sigh, turned in the direction of the river, and, plunging through a great variety of devious ways, came out, at length, in view of one of the principal thea- tres. It was about being closed, and the audience were throng- ing from the doors. I saw the old man gasp as if for breath while he threw himself amid the crowd ; but I thought that the intense agony of his countenance had, in some measure, abated. His head again fell upon his breast; he appeared as I had seen him at first. I observed that he now took the course in which had gone the greater number of the audience but, upon the whole, I was at a loss to comprehend the waywardness of his actions. As he proceeded, the company grew more scattered, and his old uneasiness and vacillation were resumed. For some time he followed closely a party of some ten or twelve roisterers ; but from this number one by one dropped off, until three only remain - ed together, in a narrow and gloomy lane little frequented. The stranger paused, and, for a moment, seemed lost in thought ; then, with every mark of agitation, pursued rapidly a route which Drought us to the verge of the city, amid regions very different from tliose we had hitherto traversed. It was the most noisome quarter of London, where everything wore the worst impress of the most deplorable poverty, and of the most desperate crime. By the dim light of an accidental lamp, tall, antique, worm-eaten, wooden tenements were seen tottering to their fall, in directions so many and capricious, that scarce the semblance of a passage was dscernible between them. The paving-stones lay at ran- 434 THE MAN OF THE CROWD. dom, displaced from tlieir beds by the rankly-growing grass. Horrible filth festered in the dammed-up gutters. The whole at- mosphere teemed with desolation. Yet, as we proceeded, the sounds of human life revived by sure degrees, and at length large bands of the most abandoned of a London populace were seen reeling to and fro. The spirits of the old man again flickered up, as a lamp which is near its death-hour. Once more he strode onward with elastic tread. Suddenly a corner was turned, a blaze of light burst upon our sight, and we stood before one of tho huge suburban temples of Intemperance one of the palaces of the fiend, Gin. It was now nearly day-break ; but a number of wretched ine- briates still pressed in and out of the flaunting entrance. With a half shriek of joy the old man forced a passage within, resumed at once his original bearing, and stalked backward and forward, without apparent object, among the throng. He had not been thus long occupied, however, before a rush to the doors gave to- ken that the host was closing them for the night. It was some- thing even more intense than despair that I then observed upon the countenance of the singular being whom I had watched so pertinaciously. Yet he did not hesitate in his career, but, with a mad energy, retraced his steps at once, to the heart of the mighty London. Long and swiftly he fled, while I followed him in the Wildest amazement, resolute not to abandon a scrutiny in which I now felt an interest all-absorbing. The sun arose while we pro- ceeded, and, when we had once again reached that most thronged mart of the populous town, the street of the D Hote'i, it pre- sented an appearance of human bustle and activity scarcely infe- rior to what I had seen on the evening before. And here, long, amid the momently increasing confusion, did I persist in my pur- suit of the stranger. But, as usual, he walked to and fro, and during the day did not pass from out the turmoil of that street. And, as the shades of the second evening came on, I grew wea- ried unto death, and, stopping fully in front of the wanderer, gazed at him steadfastly in the face. He noticed me not, but re- sumed his solemn walk, while I, ceasing to follow, remained ab- sorbed in contemplation. " This old man," I said at length, " is the type and the genius of deep crime. Ho refuses to be alone. THE MAN OF THE CROWD. 425 Etc is the man of the crowd. It will be in vain to follow ; for I shall learn no more of him, nor of his deeds. The worst heart of the world is a grosser book than the * llortulus Animsft,'* and perhaps it is but one of the great mercies of God that ' er lasst tick niclit lesen.' " * The " Hortulus Animce cum Oratiunculis Allguibus Super additif? of SEVER BET THE DEVIL YOUB HEAD A TALE WITH A MORAL. w CoN tal que las costumbres de un autor" says Don Thomas De Las Torres, in the preface to his " Amatory Poems" " sean puras y castas, importo muy poco que no sean igualmente severas sus olras" meaning, in plain English, that, provided the morals of an author are pure, personally, it signifies nothing what are the morals of his books. We presume that Don Thomas is now in Purgatory for the assertion. It would be a clever thing, too, in the way of poetical justice, to keep him there until his " Amatory Poems" get out of print, or are laid definitely upon the shelf through lack of readers. Every fiction should have a moral ; and, what is more to the purpose, the critics have discovered that every fiction has. Philip Melancthon, some time ago, wrote a commentary upon the " Batrachomyomachia" and proved that the poet's object was to excite a distaste for sedition. Pierre La Seine, going a step farther, shows that the intention was to recommend to young men t< mperance in eating and drinking. Just so, too, Jacobus Hugo lias satisfied himself that, by Euenis, Homer meant to insinuate John Calvin; by Aniinous, Martin Luther; by the Lotophagi, Protestants in general; and, by the Harpies, the Dutch. Our more modern Scholiasts are equally acute. These fellows demon- strate a hidden meaning in " The Antediluvians," a parable in " Powhatan," new views in " Cock Robin," and transcendentalism in "Hop O' My Thumb.* In short, it has been shown that no man can sit down to write without . very profound design. Thus to NEVER BET THE LEVIL YOUR HEAD. 47 authors in general much trouble is spared. A novelist, for example, need have no care of his moral. It is there that is to say, it is somewhere and the moral and the critics can take care jf them- selves. When the proper time arrives, all that the gentleman intended, and all that he did not intend, will be brought to light, in the "Dial," or the "Down-Easter," together with all '.hat he ought to have intended, and the rest that he clearly meant to intend: ?o that it will all come very straight in the end. There is no just ground, therefore, for the charge brought against me by certain ignoramuses that I have never written a moral tale, or, in more precise words, a tale with a moral. They are not the critics predestined to bring me out, and develop my morals : that is the secret. By and by the " North American Quarterly Ilumdrum" will make them ashamed of their stupidity. In the meantime, by way of staying execution by way of miti- gating the accusations against me I offer the sad history append- ed ; a history about whose obvious moral there can be no ques- tion whatever, since he who runs may read it in the large capitals which form the title of the tale. I should have credit for this arrangement a far wiser one than that of La Fontaine and others, who reserve the impression to be conveyed until the last moment, and thus sneak it in at the fag end of their fables. Defuncti injurid ne afficiantur was a law of the twelve tables, and De mortuis nil nisi bonum is an excellent injunction even if the dead in question be nothing but dead small beer. It is not my design, therefore, to vituperate my deceased friend, Toby Dam- mit. He was a sad dog, it is true, and a dog's death it was that he died ; but he himself was not to blame for his vices. They grew out of a personal defect in his mother. She did her best in the way of flogging him while an infant for duties to her well-reg- ulated mind were always pleasures, and babies, like tough steaks, or the modern Greek olive trees, are invariably the better for beat- ing but, poor woman ! she had the misfortune to be left-handed, and a child flogged left-handedly had better be left unflogged. The world revolves from r;ght to left. It will not do to whip a baby from left to right. If each blow in the proper direction drives an evil propensity out, it follows that every thump in an opposite one knocks its quota of wickedness in. I was often pre 428 NEVER BET THE DEVIL YOUR HEAD. ent at Toby's chastisements, and, even by the way in which he kicked, I could perceive that he was getting worse and worse every day. At last I saw, through the tears in my eyes, that there was no hope of the villain at all, and one day when he hau been cuffed until he grew so black in the face that one might havo mistaken him for a little African, and no effect had been produced beyond that of making him wriggle himself into a fit, I could stand it no longer, but went down upon my knees forthwith, and, uplift- ing my voice, made prophecy of his ruin. The fact is that his precocity in vice was awful. At five months of age he used to got into such passions that he was unable to articulate. At six months, I caught him knawing a pack of cards. At seven months he was in the constant habit of catching and kissing the female babies. At eight months he peremptorily refused to put his signature to the Temperance pledge. Thus he went on increasing in iniquity, month after month, until, at the close of the first year, he not only insisted upon wearing mous- taches, but had contracted a propensity for cursing and swearing, and for backing his assertions by bets. Through this latter most ungentlemanly practice, the ruin which I had predicted to Toby Dammit overtook him at last. The fashion had " grown with his growth and strengthened with . his strength," so thai, when he came to be a man, he could scarcely utter a sentence without interlarding it with a proposition to gam- ble. Not that he actually laid wagers no. I will do my friend the justice to say that he would as soon have laid eggs. With him the thing was a mere formula nothing more. His expres- sions on this head had no meaning attached to them whatever. They were simple if not altogether innocent expletives imagina- tive phrases wherewith to round off a sentence. When he said ' I'll bet you so and so," nobody ever thought of taking him up ; but still I could not help thinking it my duty to put him down. The habit was an immoral one, and so I told him. It was a vulgar one this 1 begged him to believe. It was discounte- nanced by society here I said nothing but the truth. It was forbidden by act of Congress here I had not the slightest inten- tion of telling a lie. I remonstrated but to no purpose. I dem- onstrated in vain. I entreated he smiled. I implored he NEVER BET THE DEVIL YOUR HE/.D. 429 laughed. I preached he sneered. I threatened he swore. I kicked him he called for the police. I pulled his nose he blew it, and offered to bet the Devil his head that I would uot venture to try that experiment again. Poverty was another vice which the peculiar physical deficiency ol" i)amrnit's mother had entailed upon her son. He was detesta- bly poor ; and this was the reason, no doubt, that his expletive expressions about betting, seldom took a pecuniary turn. I will not be bound to say that I ever heard him make use of such a figure of speech as "I'll bet you a dollar." It was usually "I'll bet you what you please," or I'll bet you what you dare," or " I'll bet you a trifle," or else, more significantly still, "Til bet the Devil my head." This latter form seemed to please him best : perhaps because it involved the leasl risk ; for Dammit had become excessively parsimonious. Had any one taken him up, his head was small, and thus his loss would have been small too. But these are my own reflections, and I am by no means sure that I am right in attributing them to him. At all events the phrase in question grew daily in favor, notwithstanding the gross impropriety of a man betting his brains like bank-notes : but this was a point which my friend's perversity of disposition would not permit him r jQ comprehend. In the end, he abandoned all other forms of svager, and gave himself up to " Pll bet the Devil my head" with i pertinacity and exclusiveness of devotion that displeased not iess than it surprised me. I am always displeased by circumstan- ces for which I cannot account. Mysteries force a man to think, and so injure his health. The truth is, there was something in the air with which Mr. Dammit was wont to give utterance to his offensive expression something in his manner of enunciation which at first interested, and afterwards made me very uneasy something which, for want of a more definite term at present, 1 must be permitted to call queer but which Mr. Coleridge would have called mystical, Mr. Kant pantheistical, Mr. Carlyle twistical, and Mr. Emerson hyperquizzitistical. I began not to like it at all. Mr. Dammit's soul was in a perilous state. I resolved to bring all my eloquence into play to save it. I vowed to serve him as St. Patrick, in the Irish chronicle, is said to have served the toad, that 430 NEVER BET THE DEVIL TOUR HEAD. is to say, " awaken him to a sense of his situation." I addressed myself to the task forthwith. Once more I betook myself to remonstrance. Again I collected my energies for a final attempt at expostulation. When I had made an end of my lecture, Mr. Dammit indulged himself in some very equivocal behavior. For some moments he remained silent, merely looking me inquisitively in the face. But presently he threw his head to one side, and elevated his eye- brows to great extent. Then he spread out the palms of his hands and shrugged up his shoulders. Then he winked with the right eye. Then he repeated the operation with the left. Then he shut them both up very tight. Then he opened them both so very wide that I became seriously alarmed for the consequences. Then, applying his thumb to his nose, he thought proper to make an indescribable movement with the rest of his fingers. Finally, setting his arms a-kimbo, he condescended to reply. I can call to mind only the heads of his discourse. He would be obliged to me if I would hold my tongue. He wished none of my advice. He despised all my insinuations. He was old enough to take care of himself. Did I still think him baby Dam- mit ? Did I mean to say anything against his character ? Did I intend to insult him ? Was I a fool ? Was my maternal parent aware, in a word, of my absence from the domiciliary residence! He would put this latter question to me as to a man of veracity, and he would bind himself to abide by my reply. Once more he would demand explicitly if my mother knew that I was out. My confusion, he said, betrayed me, and he would be willing to bet the Devil his head that she did not. Mr. Dammit did not pause for my rejoinder. Turning upon his heel, he left my presence with undignified, precipitation. It was well for him that he did so. My feelings had been wounded. Even my anger had been aroused. For once I would have taken him up upon his insulting wager. I would have won for tho Arch-Enemy Mr. Dammit's little head for the fact is, my mamma was very well aware of my merely temporary absence from home. B'lt Khoda she/a midehed Heaven gives relief as the Mus- selmen say when you tread upon their toes. It was in pursuance of my duty that I had been insulted, an I I bore the insuit lita NEVER BET THE DEVIL YOUR HEAD. 431 man. It now seemed to me, howevei that I had done all that could be required of rue, in the case of this miserable individual, and I resolved to trouble him no longer with my counsel, but to leave him to his conscience and himself But although I forebore to intrude with my advice, I could not bring myself to give up his society altogether. I even went so far as to humor some of his less reprehensible propensities; and there were times when I found myself lauding his wicked jokes, as epicures do mustard, with tears in my eyes : so profoundly did it grieve me to hear his evil talk. One tine day, having strolled out together, arm in arm, our route led us in the direction of a river. There was a bridge, and we resolved to cross it. It was roofed over, by way of protection from the weather, and the arch-way, having but few windows, was thus very uncomfortably dark. As we entered the passage, the contrast between the external glare, and the interior gloom, struck heavily upon my spirits. Not so upon those of the unhappy Dammit, who offered to bet the Devil his head that I was hipped. He seemed to be in an unusual good humor. He was excessively lively so much so that I entertained I know not what of uneasy suspicion. It is not impossible that he was affected with the transcendentals. I am not well enough versed, however, in the diagnosis of this disease to speak with decision upon the point ; and unhappily there wei-e none of my friends of the "Dial" pres- ent. I suggest the idea, nevertheless, because of a certain species of austere Merry- Andrewism which seemed to beset my poor friend, and caused him to make quite a Tom-Fool of himself. Nothing would serve him but wriggling and skipping about under and over everything that came in his way ; now shouting out, and now lisping out, all manner of odd little and big words, yet preserving the gravest face in the world all the time. I really could not make up my mind whether to kick or to pity him. At length, having passed nearly across the bridge, we approached the termi- nation of the foot way, when our progress was impeded by a turn- stile of some height. Through this I made my way quietly, pushing it around as usual. But this turn would not serve the turn of Mr. Dammit. He insisted upon leaping the stile, and said he Cuuld cut a pigeon-wing over it in the air. Now this, conscien- 432 NEVER BET THE DEVIL YOUR HEAD. tiously speaking, I did not think he could do. The best pigeon- winger over all kinds of style, was my friend Mr. Carlyle, and as I knew he could not do it, I would not believe that it could be done by Toby Dammit. I therefore told him, in so many words, that he was a braggadocio, and could not do what he said. For this, I had reason to be sorry afterwards ; for he straightway offered to bet the Devil his head that he could. I was about to reply, notwithstanding my previous resolutions, with some remonstrance against his impiety, when I heard, close at my elbow, a slight cough, which sounded very much like the ejaculation " ahem /" I started, and looked about me in surprise. My glance at length fell into a nook of the frame-work of the bridge, and upon the figure of a little lame old gentleman of ven- erable aspect. Nothing could be more reverend than his whole appearance ; for, he not only had on a full suit of black, but his shirt was perfectly clean and the collar turned very neatly down over a white cravat, while his hair was parted in front like a girl's. His hands were clasped pensively together over his stomach, and his two eyes were carefully rolled up into the top of his head. Upon observing him more closely, I perceived that he wore a black silk apron over his small-clothes ; and this was a thing which I thought very odd. Before I had time to make any re- mark, however, upon so singular a circumstance, he interrupted me with a second " ahem /" To this observation I was not immediately prepared to reply. The fact, is, remarks of this laconic nature are nearly unanswerable, I have known a Quarterly Review non-plused by the word " Fudge /" I am not ashamed to say, therefore, that I turned to Mr. Dammit for assistance. " Dammit," said I, " what are you about ? don't you hear ? the gentleman says ' ahem /' " I looked sternly at my friend while I thus addressed him ; for to say the truth, I felt particularly puzzled, and when a man is particularly puzzled he must knit his brows and look savage, or else he is pretty sure to look like a fool. " Dammit," observed I although this sounded very much liko an oath, than which nothing was farther from my thoughts u Dammit," I suggested " the gentleman says ' ahem /' " 1 do not attempt to defend my remark on the score of profan NEVER BET THE DEVIL YOUR HEAD. 433 ;lity ; I did not think it profound myself; but I have noticed that the eflect of our speeches is not always proportionate with their importance in our own eyes ; and if I had shot Mr. D. through and through with a Paixhan bomb, or knocked him in the head with the "Poets and Poetry of America," he could hardly have been more discomfited than when I addressed him with those simple words " Dammit, what are you about ? don't you hear ? the gentleman says ' ahem /' " " You don't say so ?" gasped he at length, after turning more colors than a pirate runs up, one after the other, when chased by a man-of-war. " Are you quite sure he said that ? Well, at all events I am in for it now, and may as well put a bold face upon the matter. Here goes, then ahem /" At this the little old gentleman seemed pleased God only knows why. He left his station at the nook of the bridge, limped forward with a gracious air, took Dammit by the hand and shook it cordially, looking all the while straight up in his face with an air of the most unadulterated benignity which it is possible for the mind of man to imagine. " I am quite sure you will win it, Dammit," said he, with the frankest of all smiles, " but we are obliged to have a trial you know, for the sake of mere form." " Ahem !" replied my friend, taking off his coat with a deep fcigh, tying a pocket-handkerchief around his waist, and producing an unaccountable alteratioVi in his countenance by twisting up his eyes, and bringing down the corners of his mouth " ahem !" And " ahem," said he again, after a pause ; and not another word more than " ahem !" did E ever know him to say after that. " Aha !" thought I, without expressing myself aloud " this is quite a remarkable silence on the part of Toby Dammit, and is no doubt a consequence of his verbosity upon a previous occasion. One extreme induces another. I wonder if he has forgotten the many unanswerable questions which he propounded to me so fluently on the day when I gave him my last lecture ? At all events, he is cured of the transcendental*. " " Ahem !" here replied Toby, just as if he had been reading try thoughts, and looking like a very old sheep in a reverie. The old gentleman now took him by the arm, and led him more 434 NEVER BET THE DEVIL YOU! I HEAD. into the shade of the bridge a few pnces back fiom the turnstila " My good feliOw," said he, " I make it a point of conscience to allow you this much run. Wait here, till I take my place by the stile, so that I may see whether you go over it handsomely, and transcendentally, and don't omit any nourishes of the pio-eon-wing. A mere form, you know. I will say ' one, two, three, and away.' Mind you start at the word ' away.' " Here he took his position by the stile, paused a moment as if in profound reflection, then looked up and, I thought, smiled very slightly, then tightened the strings of his apron, then took a long look at Dammit, and finally gave the word as agreed upon One two three and away I Punctually at the word "away," my poor friend set off in a strung gallop. The stile was not very high, like Mr. Lord's nor yet very low, like that of Mr. Lord's reviewers, but'upon the whole I made sure that he would clear it. Arid then what if he did not? ah, that was the question what if he did not? " What right," said I, "had the old gentleman to make any other gentle- man jump ? The little old dot-and-carry-one ! who is he ? If he asks me to jump, I won't do it, that's flat, and I don't care who the devil he is." The bridge, as I say, was arched and covered in, in a very ridiculous manner, and there was a most uncomfort- able echo about it at all times an echo which I never before so particularly observed as when I uttered the four last words of my remark. But what I said, or what I thought, or what I heard, occupied only an instant. In less than five seconds from his starting, my poor Toby had taken the leap. I saw him run nimbly, and spring grandly from the floor of the bridge, cutting the most awful flour- ishes with his legs as he went up. I saw him high in the air, pigeon-winging it to admiration just over the top of the stile ; and of course I thought it an unusually singular thing that he did not continue to go over. But the whole leap was the affair of a moment, and, before I had a chance to make any profound reflec- tions, down came Mr. Dammit on the flat of Irs back, on the same side of the stile from which he had started. At the same instant NEVER BET THE DEVIL YOUR HEAD. 435 1 saw fche old gentleman limping off at the top of his speed, having caught and wrapped up in his apron something that fell heavily into it from the darkness of the arch just over the turnstile. - At all this I was much astonished ; but I had no leisure to think, for Mr. Dammit lay particularly still, and I concluded that his feelings had been hurt, and that he stood in need of my assistance. I hurried up to him and found that he had received what might be termed a serious injury. The truth is, he had been deprived of his head, which after a close search I could not find anywhere ; BO I determined to take him home, and send fcr the b/wioeopa- thists. In the meantime a thought struck me, and I threw open an adjacent window of the bridge ; when the sad truth flashed upon me at once. About five feet just above the top of the turn- stile, and crossing the arch of the foot-path so as to constitute a brace, there extended a flat iron bar, lying with its breadth hori- zontally, and forming one of a series that served to strengthen the structure throughout its extent. With the edge of this brace it appeared evident that the neck of my unfortunate friend had come precisely in contact. He did not long survive his terrible loss. The homceopathiste did not give him little enough physic, and what little they did give him he hesitated to take. So in the end he grew worse, and at length died, a lession to all riotous livers. I bedewed his grave with my tears, worked a bar sinister on his family escutcheon, and, for the general expenses of his funeral, sent in my very moderate bill to the transcendentalists. The scoundrels refused to pay it, so I had Mr, Dammit dug up at once, and sold him for dog's meat "THOU ART THE MAN," I WILL now play the QEdipus to the Rattleborough enigma. I will expound to you as I alone can the secret of the enginery that effected the Rattleborough miracle the one, the true, the admitted, . the undisputed, the indisputable miracle, which put a definite end to infidelity among the Rattleburghers, and converted to the orthodoxy of the grandames all Jthe carnal-minded who had ventured to be skeptical before. This event which I should be sorry to discuss in a tone of un- suitable levity occurred in the summer of 18 . Mr. Barnabas Shuttleworthy one of the wealthiest and most respectable citizens of the borough had been missing for several days under circum- stances which gave rise to suspicion of foul play. Mr. Shuttle- worthy had set out from Rattleborough very early one Saturday morning, on horseback, with the avowed intention of proceeding to the city -of , about fifteen miles distant, and of returning the nio;ht of the same day. Two hours after his departure, how- ever, his horse returned without him, and without the saddle-bags which had been strapped on his back it starting. The animal was wounded, too, and covered with mu.l. These circumstances naturally gave rise to much alarm among the friends of the miss- ing man ; and when it was found, on Sunday morning, that he had not ye* made his appearance, the whole borough arose en masse to go and look for his body. The foremost and most energetic in instituting this search, was the bosom friend of Mr. Shuttleworthy a Mr. Charles Goodfellow THOU ART THE MAN. 437 OT, a:; lie was universally called, " Charley Goodfellow," or " Old Charley Goodfellow." Now, whether it is a rcm-vellous coinci- dence, or whether it is that the name itself has an imperceptible effect upon the character, I have never yet been able to ascertain ; but the fact is unquestionable, that there never yet was any per- son named Charles who was not an open, manly, honest, good- natured, and frank-hearted fellow, with a rich, clear voice, that did you good to hear it, and an eye that looked you always straight in the face, as much as to say, " I have a clear conscience myself; am afraid of no man, and am altogether above doing a mean action." And thus all the hearty, careless, " walking gen- tlemen" of the stage are very certain to be called Charles. Now, " Old Charley Goodfellow," although he had been in Rattleborough not longer than six months or thereabouts, and although nobody knew anything about him before he came to set- tle in the neighborhood, had experienced no difficulty in the world in making the acquaintance of all the respectable people in the borough. Not a man of them but would have taken his bare word for a thousand at any moment ; and as for the women, there is no saying what they would not have done to oblige him. And all this came of his having been christened Charles, and of his possessing, in consequence, that ingenuous face which is prover- bially the very " best letter of recommendation." I have already said, that Mr. Shuttleworthy was one of the most respectable, and, undoubtedly, he was the most wealthy man in Rattleborough, while "Old Charley Goodfellow" was upon as intimate terms with him as if he had been his own brother. The two old gentlemen were next-door neighbors, and, although Mr. Shuttleworthy seldom, if ever, visited " Old Charley," and never was known to take a meal in his house, still this did not prevent the two friends from being exceedingly intimate, as I have just observed; for "Old Charley" never let a day pass without step- ing in three or four times to see how his neighbor came on, and very often he would stay to breakfast or tea. and almost always to dinner ; and then the amount, of wine that was made way with by the two cronies at a sitting, it would really be a difficult thing to ascertain. Old Charley's favorite beverage was Chateau Afar- and it appeared to do Mr. Shuttl. -worthy's heart good to see 438 THOU ART THE MAN. the old fellow swallow it, as he did, quart after quart; so that, one day, when the wine was in and the wit, as a natural conse- quence, somewhat out, he said to his crony, as ho slapped him upon the back " I tell you what it is, Old Charluy. you are, by all odds, the heartiest old fellow' I ever came across in all my born days ; and, since you love to guzzle the wine at that fashion, I'll be darned if I don't have to make thee a present of a big box of the Chateau Margaux. Od rot me," (Mr. Shuttle worthy had & sad habit of swearing, although he seldom went beyond " Od rot me," or " By gosh," or " By the jolly golly,")" Od rot me," says he, " if I don't send an order to town this very afternoon for a double box of the best that can be got, and I'll make ye a pres- ent of it, I will ! ye needn't say a word now I will, I tell ye, and there's an end of it ; so look out for it it will come to hand some of these fine days, precisely when ye are looking for it die least !" I mention this little bit of liberality on the part of Mr. Shuttleworthy, just by way of showing you how very intimate ar. \mderstanding existed between the two friends. Well, on the Sunday morning in question, when it came to be fairly understood that Mr. Shuttleworthy had met with foul play I never saw any one so profoundly affected as "Old Charley Good- fellow." When he first heard that the horse had come home without his master, and without his master's saddle-bags, and all bloody from a pistol-shot, that had gone clean through and through the poor animal's chest without quite killing him when he heard all this, he turned as pale as if the missing man had been his own dear brother or father, and shivered and shook all over as if he had had a fit of the ague. At first,, he was too much overpowered with grief to be able to do anything at all, or to decide upon any plan of action ; so that for a long time he endeavored to dissuade Mr. Shuttleworthy 's other friends from making a stir about the matter, thinking it best to wait awhile say for a week or two, or a month or two to see if something wouldn't turn up, or if Mr. Shuttleworthy wouldn't come in the natural way, and explain his reasons for sending his horse on before. I dare say you have often observed this dispo- sition to temporize, or to procrastinate, in people who are laboring iinder any very poignant sorrow. Their powers of mind seem to THOU ART THE MAN. 439 be rendered torpid, so that they have a horror of anything like action, and like nothing in the world so well as to lie quietly iu bed and " nurse their grief," as the old ladies express it that is to say, ruminate over their trouble. The people of Rattleborough had, indeed, so high an opinion of the wisdom and discretion of " Old Charley," that the greater part of them felt disposed to agree with him, and not make a stir in the business " until something should turn up," as the honest old gentleman worded it ; and I believe that, after all, this would have been the general determination, but for the very suspicious interference of Mr. Shuttleworthy's nephew, a young man of very dissipated habits, and otherwise of rather bad character. This nephew, whose name was Pennifeather, would listen to nothing like reason in the matter of " lying quiet," but insisted upon ma- king immediate search for the " corpse of the murdered man." This was the expression he employed; and Mr. Goodfellow acutely remarked at the time, that it was " a singular expression, to sav no more." This remark of Old Charley's, too, had great effect upon the crowd ; and one of the party was heard to ask, very im- pressively, " how it happened that young Mr. Pennifeather was so intimately cognizant of all the circumstances connected with his wealthy uncle's disappearance, as to feel authorized to assert, dis- tinctly and unequivocally, that his uncle ivas 'a murdered man.'" Hereupon some little squibbing and bickering occurred among various members of the crowd, and especially between " Old Char- ley" and Mr. Pennifeather although this latter occurrence was, indeed, by no means a novelty, for little good will had subsisted between the parties for the last three or four months ; and matters had even gone so far, that Mr. Pennifeather had actually knocked down his uncle's friend for some alleged excess of liberty that, the latter had taken in the uncle's house, of which the r.ephew was an inmate. Upon this occasion, " Old Charley " is said to have behaved with exemplary moderation and Christian charity. He arose from the blow, adjusted his clothes, and made no attempt at retaliation at all merely muttering a few words about "taking summary vengeance at the first convenient opportunity," a natu ral and very justifiable ebullition of anger, which meant nothing. 440 THOU ART THE MAN. however, and, beyond doubt, was no sooner given vent to than forgotten. However these matters may be, (which have no reference to the point now at issue,) it is quite certain that the people of Rat- tleborough, principally through the persuasion of Mr. Pennifeather, came at length to the determination of dispersing over the adjacent country in search of the missing Mr. Shuttleworthy. I say they came to this determination in the first instance. After it had been fully resolved that a search should be made, it was consider- ed almost a matter of course that the seekers should disperse that is to say, distribute themselves in parties for the more thorough examination of the region round about. I forget, how- ever, by what ingenious train of reasoning it was that " Old Char- ley" finally convinced the assembly that this was the most inju- dicious plan that could be pursued. Convince them, however, he did all except Mr. Pennifeather ; and, in the end, it was arranged that a search should be instituted, carefully and very thoroughly, by the burghers en masse, "Old Charley" himself leading the way. As for the matter of that, there could have been no better pio- neer than " Old Charley," whom everybody knew to have the eye of a lynx ; but, although he led them into all manner of out-of- the-way holes and corners, by routes that nobody had ever sus- pected of existing in the neighborhood, and although the search was incessantly kept up day and night for nearly a week, still no trace of Mr. Shuttleworthy could be discovered. When I say no trace, however, I must not be understood to speak literally ; for trace, to some extent, there certainly was. The poor gentleman had been tracked, by his horse's shoes, (which were peculiar,) to a spot about three miles to the east of the borough, on the main road leading to the city. Here the track made off into a by-path through a piece of woodland the path coming out again into the main road, and cutting off about half a mile of the regular dis- tance. Following *.he shoe-marks down this lane, the party came at length to a pool of stagnant water, half hidden by the brambles to the right of the lane, and opposite this pool all vestige of the track vas lost sight of. It appeared, however, that a struggle THOU ART THE MAN. 44J of some nature had here taken place, and it seemed as if some large and heavy body, much larger and heavier than a man, had been drawn from the by-path to the pool. This latter was care- fully dragged twice, but nothing was found ; and the party Avero upon the point of going away, in despair of coming to any result, when Providence suggested to Mr. Goodfellow the expediency of draining the water off altogether. This project was received with cheers, and many high compliments to " Old Charley" upon his sagacity and consideration. As many of the burghers had brought spades with them, supposing that they might possibly be called upon to disinter a corpse, the drain was easily and speedily effect- ed ; and no sooner was the bottom visible, than right in the middlo of the mud that remained was discovered a black silk velvet waist- coat, which nearly every one present immediately recognised as the property of Mr. Pennifeather. This waistcoat was much torn and stained with blood, and there were several persons among the party who had a distinct remembrance of its having been worn by its owner on the very morning of Mr. Slmttleworthy's depar- ture for the city ; while there were others, again, ready to testify upon oath, if required, that Mr. P. did not wear the garment iii question at any period during the remainder of that memorable day ; nor could any one be found to say that he had seen it upon Mr. P.'s person at any period at all subsequent to Mr. Shuttle- worthy's disappearance. Matters now wore a very serious aspect for Mr. Pennifeather, and it was observed, as an indubitable confirmation of the suspi- cions which were excited against him, that he grew exceedingly pale, and when asked what he had to say for himself, was utterly incapable of saying a word. Hereupon, the few friends his riotous mode of living had left him deserted him at once to a man, and were even more clamorous than his ancient and avowed enemies for his instantaneous arrest. But, on the other hand, the magna- nimity of Mr. Goodfellow shone forth with only the more brilliant lustre through contrast. He made a warm and intensely eloquent defence of Mr. Pennifeather, in which he alluded more than once to his own sincere forgiveness of that wild young gentleman " the heir of the worthy Mr. Goodfellow," for the insult which 4-12 THOU ART THE MAN. he (the young gentleman) had, no doubt in the heat of passion thought proper to put upon him (Mr. Goodfellow.) " He forgave him for it," he said, " from the very bottom of his heart ; and for himself (Mr. Goodfellow,) so far from pushing the suspicious cir- cumstances to extremity, which, he was sorry to say, really had arisen against Mr. Pennifeather, he (Mr. Goodfellow) would make every exertion in his power, would employ all the little eloquence in his possession to to to soften down, as much as he could conscientiously do so, the worst features of this really exceedingly perplexing piece of business." Mr. Goodfellow went on for some half hour longer in this strain, very much to the credit both of his head and of his heart ; but your warm-hearted people are seldom apposite in their observa- tions they run into all sorts of blunders, contre-temps and mal hpropos-isms, in the hot-headedness of their zeal to serve a friend thus, often with the kindest intentions in the world, doing infi- nitely more to prejudice his cause than to advance it. So, in the present instance, it turned out with all the eloquence of " Old Charley ;" for, although he labored earnestly in behalf of the suspected, yet it so happened, somehow or other, that every syllable he uttered of which the direct but unwitting tendency was not to exalt the speaker in the good opinion of his audience, had the effect of deepening the suspicion already attached to the individual whose cause he plead, and of arousing against him the fury of the mob. One of the most unaccountable errors committed by the orator was his allusion to the suspected as " the heir of the worthy old gentleman Mr. Goodfellow." The people had really never thought of this before. They had only remembered certain threats of dis- inheritance uttered a year or two previously by the uncle, (who had no living relative except the nephew ;) and they had, there- fore, always looked upon this disinheritance as a matter that was settled so single-minded a race of beings were the Rattleburghers 5 but the remark of " Old Charley" brought them at once to a con- sideration of this point, and thus gave them to sec the possibility of the threats having been nothing more than a threat. And straightway, hereupon, arose the natural question oicuibono? a THOU ART THE MAN. 443 question that tended even more than the waistcoat to fasten thq terrible crime upon the young man. And here, lest I be misun- derstood, permit me to digress for one moment merely to observe that the exceedingly brief and simple Latin phrase which I have employed, is invariably mistranslated and misconceived. " Cui bono" in all the crack novels and elsewhere, in those of Mrs. Gore, for example, (the author of "Cecil,") a lady who quotes all tongut-s from the Chaldean to Chickasaw, and is helped to her learning, " as needed," upon a systematic plan, by Mr. Beckford,--in all the crack novels, I say, from those of Bulwer and Dickens to those of Turnapenny and Ainsworth, the two little Latin words cui bono are rendered " to what purpose," or, (as if quo bono?) " to what good." Their true meaning, nevertheless, is " for whose advan- tage." Cui, *to whom ; lono, is it for a benefit. It is a purely legal phrase, and applicable precisely in cases such as we have now under consideration, where the probability of the doer of a deed hinges upon the probability of the benefit accruing to this individual or to that from the deed's accomplishment. Now, in the present instance, the question cui bono very pointedly impli cated Mr. Pennifeather. His uncle had threatened him, after making a will in his favor, with disinheritance. But the threat had not been actually kept ; the original will, it appeared, had not oeen altered. Had it been altered, the only supposable motive for murder on the part of the suspected would have been the or- dinary one of revenge; and even this would have been counter- acted by the hope of reinstation into the good graces of the uncle. But the will being unaltered, while the threat to alter remained suspended 'over the nephew's head, there appears at once the very strongest possible inducement for the atrocity : and so concluded, very sagaciously, the worthy citizens of the borough of Rattle. Mr. Pennifeather was, accordingly, arrested upon the spot, and the crowd, after some farther search, proceeded homewards, having him in custody.. On the route, however, another circumstance occurred tending to confirm the suspicion entertained. Mr. GooJ- fellow, whose zeal led him to be always a little in advance of the party, was seen suddenly to run forward a few paces, stoop, and then apparently to pick up some small object from the grass 444 THOU ART THE MAN. Having quickly examined it, he was observed, too, to make a sort of half attempt at concealing it in his coat pocket ; but this ac- tion was noticed, as I say, and consequently prevented, when the object picked up was found to be a Spanish knife which a dozen persons at once recognised as belonging to Mr. Pennifeather. Moreover, his initials were engraved upon the handle. The blade of this knife was open and bloody. No doubt now remained of the guilt of the nephew, and imme- diately upon reaching Rattleborough he was taken before a magis- trate tor examination. Here matters again took a most unfavorable turn. The prisoner, being questioned as to his whereabouts on the morning of Mr. Shuttle-worthy's disappearance, had absolutely the audacity to ac- knowledge that on that very morning he had been out with his rifle deer-stalking, in the immediate neighborhood of the pool where the blood-stained waistcoat had been discovered through the sagacity of Mr. Goodfellow. This latter now came forward, and, with tears in his eyes, asked permission to be examined. -He said that a stern sense of the duty he owed his Maker, not less than his fellow-men, would permit him no longer to remain silent. Hitherto, the sincerest affection for the young man (notwithstanding the latter's ill treatment of him- self, Mr. Goodfellow,) had induced him to make every hypothesis which imagination could suggest, by way of endeavoring to account for what appeared suspicious in the circumstances that told so seriously against Mr. Pennifeather ; but these circumstances were now altogether too convincing too damning ; he would hesitate no longer he would tell all he knew, although his heart (Mr. Goodfellow's) should absolutely burst asunder in the effort. He then went on to state that, on the afternoon of the day previous to Mr. Shuttleworthy's departure for the city, that worthy old gen- tleman had mentioned to his nephew, in his hearing, (Mr. Good- fellow's,) that his object in going to town on the morrow was to make a deposit of an unusually large sum of money in the " Far- mers' and Mechanics' Bank," and that, then ar.d there the said Mr. Shuttleworthy had distinctly avowed to the said nephew his irrevocable determination of rescinding the will originally THOU ART THE MAN. 445 and of cutting him off with a shilling. He (the witness) now solemnly called upon the accused to state whether what he (the witness) had just stated was or was not the truth in every sub- stantial particular. Much to the astonishment of every one pro- sent, Mr. Pennifeather frankly admitted that it was. The magistrate now considered it his duty to send a couple of constables to search the chamber of the accused in the house of his uncle. From this search they almost immediately returned with the well known steel-bound, russet leather pocket-book which the old gentleman had been in the habit of carrying for years. Its valuable contents, however, had been abstracted, and the magis- trate in vain endeavored to extort from the prisoner the use which had been made of them, or the place of their concealment. In- deed, he obstinately denied all knowledge of the matter. The constables, also, discovered, between the bed and sacking of the unhappy man, a shirt and neck-handkerchief both marked with the initials of his name, and both hideously besmeared with the blood of the victim. At this juncture, it was announced that the horse of the mur- dered man had just expired in the stable from the effects of the wound he had received, and it was proposed by Mr. Goodfellow that a post mortem examination of the beast should be immedi- ately made, with the view, if possible, of discovering the ball. This was accordingly done ; and, as if to demonstrate beyond a ques- tion the guilt of the accused, Mr. Goodfellow, after considerable searching in the cavity of the chest, was enabled to detect and to pull forth a bullet of very extraordinary size, which, upon trial, was found to be exactly adapted to the bore of Mr. Pennifeather's rifle, while it was far too large for that of any other person in the borough or its vicinity. To render the matter even surer yet, however, this bullet was discovered to have a flaw or seam at right angles to the usual suture ; and upon examination, this seam corresponded precisely with an accidental ridge or elevation in a paii of moulds acknowledged by the accused himself to be his own property. Upon the finding of this bullet, the examining magistrate refused to listen to any farther testimony, and imme- diately committed the prisoner for trial declining resolutely to 446 THOU ART THE MAN. take any bail in the case, although against this severity Mr. Good fellow very warmly remonstrated, and offered to become surety in whatever amount might be required. This generosity on the part of " Old Charley" was only in accordance with the whole tenor of his amiable and chivalrous conduct during the entire period of his sojourn in the borough of Rattle. In the present instance, the worthy man was so entirely carried away by the excessive warmth of his sympathy, that he seemed to have quite forgotten, when he offered to go bail for his young friend, that he himself (Mr. Good- fellow) did not possess a single dollar's worth of property upon the face of the earth. The result of the committal may be readily foreseen. Mr. Pen- nifeather, amid the loud execrations of all Rattleborough, was brought to trial at the next criminal sessions, when the chain of circumstantial evidence (strengthened as it was by some ad- ditional damning facts, which Mr. Goodfellow's sensitive con- scientiousness forbade him to withhold from the court.,) was considered so unbroken and so thoroughly conclusive, that the jury, without leaving their seats, returned an immediate verdict of " Guilty of murder in the first degree? Soon afterwards the unhappy wretch received sentence of- death, and was re- manded to the county jail to await the inexorable vengeance of the law. In the mean time, the noble behavior of " Old Charley Goodfel- low" had doubly endeared him to the honest citizens of the bor- ough. He became ten times a greater favorite than ever ; and, as a natural result of the hospitality with which he was treated, he relaxed, as it were, perforce, the extremely parsimonious habits which his poverty had hitherto impelled him to observe, and very frequently had little reunions at his own house, when wit and jollity reigned supreme dampened a little, of course, by the occa- sional remembrance of the untoward and melancholy fate which impended over the nephew of the late lamented bosom friend of the generous host. One fine day, this magnanimous old gentleman was agreeably surprised at the receipt of the following letter : THOU ART THE MAN. 447 " Charles Goodfellow, Esquire "Dear Sir In conformity with an order transmitted to our firm ab\Yut two months since, by our esteemed correspondent, Mr. Barna- bas Shultlemorthy, we have the honor of forwarding this morning, to your address, a double box of (Jhateau-Margaux, of the antelope brand, violet seal. Box numbered and marked as per margin. 1 We remain, sir, " Your most ob'nt ser'ls, Hones, FROGS, BOGS & Co. " City of , June 21st, 18. " P. S. The box mil reach you, by wagon, on the day after youf receipt of this letter Our respects to Mr. Shuttleworthy. H. F. B. & Co." The fact is, that Mr. Goodfellow had, since the death of Mr. Shuttleworthy, given over all expectation of ever receiving the promised Chateau-Margaux ; and he, therefore, looked upon it now as a sort of especial dispensation of Providence in his behalf. Ha was highly delighted, of course, and in the exuberance of his joy, invited a large party of friends to a petit souper on the morrow, p or the purpose of broaching the good old Mr. Shuttle worthy's pre seat. Not that he said any thing about "the good old Mr. Shut- tleworthy" when he issued the invitations. The fact is, he thought much and concluded to say nothing at all. He did not mention to any one if I remember aright that he had received a present of Chateau-Margaux. He merely asked his friends to come and help him drink some of a remarkably fine quality and rich flavor, that he had ordered up from the city a couple of months ago, and of which he would be in the receipt upon the morrow. I have often puzzled myself to imagine why it was that " Old Charley" came to the conclusion to say nothing about having received the wine f:om his old friend, but I could never precisely understand his reason for the silence, although he had some excellent and very magnanimous reason, no doubt. The morrow at length arrived, and with it a very large and highly respectable company at Mr. Goodfellow's house. Indeed, half the borough was there I myself among the number but, much to the vexation of the host, the Chateau-Margaux did not arrive until a late hour, and when the sumptuous supper 'supplied by " Old Charley" had been drne very ample justice by the 443 TIIOU ART THE MAN. guests. It came at length, however, a monstrously big box of it there was, too, and as the whole party were in excessively good humor, it was decided, nem. con., that it should be lifted upon the table and its contents disemboweled forthwith. No sooner said than done. I lent a helping hand ; and, in a trice, we had the box upon the table, in the midst of all the bottles and glasses, not a few of which were demolished in the scuffle. " Old Charley," who was pretty much intoxicated, and excessively red in the face, now took a seat, with an air of mock dignity, at the head of the board, and thumped furiously upon it with a decanter, calling upon the company to keep order " during the ceremony of disinterring the treasure." After some vociferation, quiet was at length fully restored, and, as very often happens in similar cases, a profound and remarkable silence ensued. Being then requested to force open the lid, I complied, of course, "with an infinite deal of pleasure." I inserted a chisel, and giving it a few slight taps with a hammer, the top of the box flew suddenly and violently off, and, at the same instant, there sprang up into a sitting position, directly facing the host, the bruised, bloody and nearly putrid corpse of the murdered Mr. Shuttleworthy himself. It gazed for a few moments, fixedly and sorrowfully, with its decaying and lack-lustre eyes, full into the countenance of Mr. Goodfellow ; uttered slowly, but clearly and impressively, the words " Thou art the man !" and then, falling over the side of the chest as if thoroughly satisfied, stretched out its limbs quiveringly upon the table. The scene that ensued is altogether beyond description. The rush for the doors and windows was terrific, and many of the most robust men in the room fainted outright through sheer horror. But after the first wild, shrieking burst of affright, all eyes were directed to Mr. Goodfellow. If I live a thousand years, I can never forget the more than mortal agony which was depicted in that ghastly face of his, so lately rubicund with triumph and wine. For several minutes, he sat rigidly as a statue of marble ; his eyes seeming, in the intense vacancy of their gaze, to be turned inwards and absorbed in the contemplation of his own miserable, murderous Roul. At length, their expression appeared to flash suddenly out into the external world, when with a quick leap, he sprang from THOU ART THE MAN. 449 his chair, and falling heavily with his head and shoulder? upon the table, and in contact with the corpse, poured out rapidiy and vehemently a detailed confession of the hideous crime for which Mr. Penuiteather was then imprisoned and doomed to die. What he recounted was in substance this : He followed his victim to the vicinity of the pool ; there shot his horse with a pistol ; despatched the rider with its butt end ; possessed himself of the pocket-book ; and, supposing the horse dead, dragged it with great labor to the brambles by the pond. Upon his owu beast he slung the corpse of Mr. Shuttleworthy, and thus bore it to a secure place of concealment a long distance off through the woods. The waistcoat, the knife, the pocket-book and bullet, had been placed by himself where found, with the view of avenging himself upon Mr. Pennifeather. He had also contrived the discovery of the stained handkerchief and shirt. Towards the end of the blood-chilling recital, the words of the guilty wretch faltered and grew hollow. When the record was finally exhausted, he arose, staggered backwards from the table, and fell dead. The means by which this happily-timed confession was extorted, although efficient, were simple indeed. Mr. Goodfellow's excess of frankness had disgusted me, and excited my suspicions from the first. I was present when Mr. Pennifeather had struck him, and the fiendish expression which then arose upon his countenance, although momentary, assured me that his threat of vengeance would, if possible, be rigidly fulfilled. I was thus prepared to view the manoeuvring of " Old Charley" in a very different light from that in which it was regarded by the good citizens of Rattlebor- ough. I saw at once that all the criminating discoveries arose, either directly, or indirectly, from himself. But the fact which clearly opened my eyes to the true state of the case, was tto affair of the bullet, found by Mr. G. in the carcass of the horse, / had not forgotten, although the Kattleburghers had, that there was a hole where the ball had entered the horse, and another where it went out. If it were found in the animal then, after having made its exit I saw clearly that it must have been deposited by 4,-,0 THOU ART THE MAN. tlie person who found it. The bloody shirt and handkerchief con- firmed the idea suggested by the bullet ; for the blood upon examination proved to be capital claret, and no more. When I came to think of these things, and also of the late increase of liberality and expenditure on the part of Mr. Goodfellow, I enter- tained a suspicion which was none the less strong because I kept it altogether to myself. In the mean time, I instituted a rigorous private search for the Corpse of Mr. Shuttleworthy, and, for good reasons, searched in quarters as divergent as possible from those to which Mr. Good- fellow conducted his party. The result was that, after some days, I came across an old dry well, the mouth of which was nearly hidden by brambles ; and here, at the bottom, I discovered what I sought. Now it so happened that I had overheard the colloquy between the two cronies, when Mr. Goodfellow had contrived to cajole his host into the promise of a box of Chateau-Margaux. Upon this hint- 1 acted. I procured a stiff piece of whalebone, thrust it down the throat of the corpse, and deposited the latter in an old wine box taking care so to double the body up as to double the whalebone with it. In this manner I had to press forcibly upon the lid to keep it down while I secured it with nails ; and I antici- pated, of course, that as soon as these latter were removed, the top would fly off and the body up. Having thus arranged the box, I marked, numbered and ad- dressed it as already told ; and then writing a letter in the name of the wine merchants with whom Mr. Shuttleworthy dealt, 1 gave instructions .to my servant to wheel the box to Mr. Goodfel- lows's door, in a barrow, at a given signal from myself. For the words which I intended the corpse to speak, I confidently depend- ed upon my ventriloquial abilities ; for their effect, I counted upon the conscience of the murderous wretch. I believe there is nothing more to be explained. Mr. Penni- feather was released upon the spot, inherited the fortune of his uncle, profited by the lessons of experience, turned over a new leaf, and led happily ever afterwards a new life. I NEVER knew any one so keenly alive to a joke as the king was. He seemed to live only for joking. To tell a good story of the joke kind, and to tell it well, was the surest road to his favor. Thus it happened that his seven ministers were all noted for their accomplishments as jokers. They all took after the- king, too, in being large, corpulent, oily men, as well as inimitable jokers. Whether people grow fat by joking, or whether there is something in fat itself which predisposes to a joke, I have never been quite able to determine ; but certain it is that a lean joker is a rr.ra avis in terris. About the refinements, or, as he called them, the " ghosts" of wit, the king troubled himself very little. He had an especial admiration for breadth in a jest, and would often put up with length, for the sake of it. Over-niceties wearied him. He would have preferred Rabelais's " Gargantua," to the " Zadig" of Vol- taire : and, upon the whole, practical jokes suited his taste far better than verbal ones. At the date of my narrative, professing jesters had not alto- gether gone out of fashion at court. Several of the great conti- nental " powers" still retained their " fools," who wore motley, wilh caps and bells, ajid who were expected to be always ready with sharp witticisms, at a moment's notice, in consideration of the crumbs that fell from the royal table. Our king, as a matter of course, retained his " fool." The fact is, he required something in the way of folly if only to eouu- 452 HOP-FKOG. terbalance the heavy wisdom of the seven wise men who were his ministers not to mention himself. His fool, or professional jester, was not only a foot, however. His value was trebled in the eyes of the long, by the fact of hia being also a dwarf and a cripple. Dwarfs were as common at court, in those clays, as fools ; and many monarchs would have found it difficult to get through their days (days are rather longer at court than elsewhere) without both a jester to laugh ivith, and a dwarf to laugh at. But, as I have already observed, your jest- ers, in ninety-nine cases out of a hundred, are fat, round and un- wieldy so that it was no small source of self-gratulation with our king that, in Hop-Frog (this was the fool's name,) he pos- sessed a triplicate treasure in one person. I believe the name " Hop-Frog" was not that given to the dwarf by his sponsors at baptism, but it was conferred upon Inin, by general consent of the seven ministers, on account of hi:-', ina- bility to walk as other men do. In fact, Hop-Frog could onl/ get along by a sort of interjectional gait something between a leap and a wriggle a movement that afforded illimitable amuf omerit, and of course consolation, to the king, for (notwithstandiag the protuberance of his stomach and a constitutional swelling of the head) the king, by his whole court, was accounted a capital figure. But although Hop-Frog, through the distortion of Ida legs, could move only with great pain and difficulty along a road or floor, the prodigious muscular power which nature seemed to have bestowed upon his arms, by way of compensation for deficiency in the lower limbs, enabled him to perform many feats of wonderful dexterity, where trees or ropes were in question, or anything else to climb. At such exercises he certainly much more resembled a squirrel, or a small monkey, than a frog. I am not able to say, with precision, from what country Hop- Frog originally came. It was from some baibarous region, how- ever, that no person ever heard of a vast distance from the court of our king. Hop-Frog, and a young girl very little less dwarfish than himself (although of exquisite proportions, and a marvellous dancer,) had been forcibly carried oft" from their respective homes in adjoining provinces, and sent as presents to the king, by one of his ever-victorious generals. HOP-FROG. 453 Under these circumstances, it is not to be wondered at that a close intimacy arose between the two little captives. Indeed, they soon became sworn friends. Hop-Frog, who, although he made a great deal of sport, was by no means popular, had it not in hia power to render Trippetta many services ; but she, on account of her grace and exquisite beauty (although a dwarf,) T/as univer- sally admired and petted : so she possessed much influence ; and never failed to use it, whenever she could, for the benefit of Hop Frog. On some grand state occasion I forget what the king deter- mined to have a masquerade; and whenever a masquerade, or anything of that kind, occurred at our court, then the talents both of Hop-Frog and Trippetta were sure to be called in play. Hop- Frog, in especial, was so inventive in the way of getting up pa- geants, suggesting novel characters, and arranging costume, for masked balls, that nothing could be done, it seems, without his assistance. . The night appointed for the fete had arrived. A gorgeous hall had been fitted up, under Trippetta's eye, with every kind of de- vice which could possibly give eclat to a masquerade. The whole court was in a fever of expectation. As for costumes and charac- ters, it might well be supposed that everybody had come to a decision on such points. Many had made up their minds (as to what roles they should assume) a week, or even a month, in ad- vance; and, in fact, there was not a particle of indecision any- where except in the case of the king and his seven ministers. Why they hesitated I never could tell, unless they did it by way of a joke. More probably, they found it difficult, on account of being so fat, to make up their minds. At all events, time flew; and, as a last resource, they sent for Trippetta and Hop-Frog. When the two little friends obeyed the summons of the king, they found him sitting at his wine with the seven members of his cabinet council; but the monarch appeared to be in a very ill humor. He knew that Hop-Frog was not fond of wine; for it excited the poor cripple almost to madness; and madness is no comfortable feeling. But the king loved his practical jokes, and took pleasure in forcing Hop-Frog to drink and (as the king caHed it) "to be merry." 454 HOP-FROG. " Come here, Hop-Frog," said lie, as the jester and his friend entered the room: "swallow this bumper to the health of your absent friends [here Hop-Frog sighed,] and then let us have the benefit of your invention. We want characters characters^ mat something novel out of the way. We are wearied with this everlasting sameness. Come, drink ! the wine will brighten your wits." Hop-Frog endeavored, as usual, to get up a jest in reply to these advances from the king ; but the effort was too much. It happened to be the poor dwarf's birthday, and the command to drink to his "absent friends" forced the tears to his eyes. Many large, bitter drops fell into the goblet as he took it, humbly, from the hand of the tyrant. " Ah ! ha ! ha ! ha !" roared the latter, as the dwarf reluctantly drained the beaker. " See what a glass of good wine can do ! Why, your eyes are shining already !" Poor fellow ! his large eyes gleamed, rather than shone ; for the effect of wine on his excitable brain was not more powerful than instantaneous. He placed the goblet nervously on the table, and looked round upon the company with a half-insane stare. They all seemed highly amused at the success of the king's "joke." " And now to business," said the prime minister, a very fat man. " Yes," said the king ; " come, Hop-Frog, lend us your assist- ance. Characters, my fine fellow ; we stand in need of character all of us ha ! ha ! ha !" and as this was seriously meant for a joke, his laugh was chorused by the seven. " Hop-Frog also laughed, although .feebly and somewhat va- cantly. " Come, come," said the king, impatiently, "have you nothing to suggest ?" " I am endeavoring to think of something novel" replied the dwarf, abstractedly, for he was quite bewildered by the wine. " Endeavoring !" cried the tyrant, fiercely ; " what do you mean by that ? Ah, I perceive. You are sulky, and want more wine. Here, drink this !" and he poured out another goblet full and offered it to the cripple, who merely gazed at it, gasping for breath. HOP-FROG. 455 " Drink, I say !" shouted the monster, " or by the fiends " The dwarf hesitated. The king grew purple with rage. The courtiers smirked. Trippetta, pale as a corpse, advanced to the monarch's seat, and, falling on her knees before him, implored him to spare her friend. The tyrant regarded her, for some moments, in evident wonder at. her audacity. He seemed quite at a loss what to do or say how most becomingly to express his indignation. At last, with- out uttering a syllable, he pushed her violently from him, and threw the contents of the brimming goblet in her face. The poor girl got up as best she could, and, not daring even to sigh, resumed her position at the foot of the table. There was a dead silence for about a half a minute, during which the falling of a leaf, or of a feather, might have been heard. It was interrupted by a low, but harsh and protracted grating sound which seemed to come at once from every corner of the room. " What what what are you making that noise for ?" de manded the king, turning furiously to the dwarf. The latter seemed to have recovered, in great measure, from his intoxication, and looking fixedly but quietly into the tyrant'^ face, merely ejaculated : " I I ? How could it have been me ?" " The sound appeared to come from without," observed one of the courtiers. "I fancy it was the parrot at the window, whetting his bill upon his cage-wires." " True," replied the monarch, as if much relieved by the sug- gestion ; " but, on the honor of a knight, I could have sworn that it was the gritting of this vagabond's teeth." Hereupon the dwarf laughed (the king was too confirmed a joker to object to any one's laughing), and displayed a set of large, powerful, and very repulsive teeth. Moreover, he avowed his perfect willingness to swallow as much wine as desired. The' monarch was pacified; and having drained another bumper with no very perceptible ill effect, Hop-Frog entered at once, and with spirit, into the plans for the masquerade. " I cannot tell what was the association of idea," observed Le, very tranquilly, and as if he had nevor tasted wine in his life, " but 456 HOP- FROG. just after your majesty had struck the girl and thrown the in her face just after your majesty had done this, and while the parrot was making that odd noise outside the window, there came into my mind a capital diversion one of my own country frolic3 often enacted among us, at our masquerades : but here it will be new altogether. Unfortunately, however, it requires a company of eight persons, and " " Here we are /" cried the king, laughing at his acute discov- ery of the coincidence ; " eight to a fraction I and my seven ministers. Come ! what is the diversion ?" "We call it," replied the .cripple, "the Eight Chained Ourang- Outangs, and it really is excellent sport if well enacted." " We will enact it," remarked the king, drawing himself up, and lowering his eyelids. "The beauty of the game," continued Hop-Frog, "lies in the fright it occasions among the women." " Capital !" roared in chorus the monarch and his ministry. "/will equip you as ourang-outangs," proceeded the dwarf; *" \eave all that to me. The resemblance shall be so striking, that the company of masqueraders will take you for real beasts and of course, they will be as much terrified as astonished." " 0, this is exquisite !" exclaimed the king. " Hop-Frog ! I will make a man of you." " The chains are for the purpose of increasing the confusion, by their jangling. You are supposed to have escaped, en masst, from your keepers. Your majesty cannot conceive the effect pro duced, at a masquerade, by eight chained ourang-outangs, imag- ined to be real ones by most of the company ; and rushing in with savage cries, among the crowd of delicately and gorgeously habited men and women. The contrast is inimitable." " It must be," said the king : and the council arose hurriedly (as it was growing late), to put in execution the scheme of Hop- Frog. Hii. mode of equipping the party as ourang-outangs was very simple, but effective enough for his purposes. The animals in Question had. at the epoch of my story, very rarely been seen in any part of the civilized world ; and as the imitations made by the dwarf were sufficiently beast-like and more than sufficiently HOP-FROG. 457 hideous, tlieir truthfulness to nature was thus thought to be secured. The king and his ministers were first encased in tight- fitting stockinet shirts and drawers. They were then saturated with tar At this stage of the process, some one of the party suggested feathers ; but the suggestion was at once overruled by the dwarf, who soon convinced the eight, by ocular demonstration, that the hair of such a brute as the ourang-outang was much more effi- ciently represented by flax, A thick coating of the latter was accordingly plastered upon the coating of tar. A long chain was now procured. First, it was passed about the waist of the king, and tied ; then about another of the party, and also tied ; then about all successively, in the same manner. When this chaining arrangement was complete, and the party stood as far apart from each other as possible, they formed a circle; and to make all things appear natural. Hop-Frog passed the residue of the chain, in two diameters, at right angles, across the circle, after the fashion adopted, at the present day, by those who capture Chimpanzees, or other large apes, in Borneo. Tb.e grand saloon in which the masquerade was to take place, was ,-j circular room, very lofty, and receiving the light of the sun only through a single window at top. At night (the season for which the apartment was especially designed,) it was illuminated principally by a large chandelier, depending by a chain from the centie of the sky-light, and lowered, or elevated, by means of a counter-balance as usual ; but (in order not to look unsightly) this laf ter passed outside the cupola and over the roof. The arrangements of the room had been left to Trippetta's an peri n tendance ; but, in some particulars, it seems, she had been guid id by the calmer judgment of her friend the dwarf. At his suggestion it was that, on this occasion, the chandelier was remo- val. Its waxen drippings (which, in weather so warm, it was quite impossible to prevent,) would have been seriously detrimen tal to the rich dresses of the guests, who, on account of the crowd ed state of the saloon, could not all be expected to keep from out its centre that is to say, from under the chandelier. Additiona' sconces were set in various parts of the hall, out of the way ; and 458 HOP-FROG. a flambeau, emitting sweet odor, was placed in the right hand of aarh of the Caryaides that stood against the wall some fifty 01 sixty altogether. The eight ourang-outangs, taking Hop-Frog's advice, waited patiently until midnight (when the room was thoroughly filled vriti. masqueraders) before making their appearance. No soocer had the clock ceased striking, however, than they rushed, or ra- ther rolled in, all together for the impediment of their chains caused most of the party to fall, and all to stumble as they en- tered. The excitement among the masqueraders was prodigious, and filled the heart of the king with glee. As had been anticipated, *here were not a few of the guests who supposed the ferocious- looluug creatures to be beasts of some kind in reality, if not pre- cisely ourang-outangs. Many of the women swooned with affright; and had not the king taken the precaution to exclude all weapons from the saloon, his party might soon have expiated their frolic in their blood. As it was, a general rush was made for the doors:' but the king had ordered them to be locked immediately upou his entrance ; and, at the dwarf's suggestion, the keys had been deposited with him. While the tumult was at its height, and each masquerader attentive only to his own safety (for, in fact, there was much real danger from the pressure of the excited crowd,) the chain by which the chandelier ordinarily hung, and which had boej; drawn up on its removal, might have been seen very gradually to descend, until its hooked extremity came within three feet of the floor. Soon after this, the king and his seven friends, having reeled about the hall in all directions, found themselves, at length, iu its centre, and, of course, in immediate contact with the chain. While they were thus situated, the dwarf, who had followed Closely at their heels, inciting them to keep up the commotion, took hold of their own chain at the intersection of the two por- tions which crossed the circle diametrically and at right angles. Here, with the rapidity of thought, he inserted the hook from which the chandelier had been wont to depend; and, in an instant, HOP-FROG. 459 by some unseen agency, the chandelier-chain was drawn so far upward as to take the hook out of reach, and, as an inevitable consequence, to drag the ourang-outangs together in close con- nection, and face to face. The masqueraders, by this time, had recovered, in some measure, from their alarm; and, beginning to regard the whole matter as a well-contrived pleasantry, set up a loud shout of laughter at the predicament of the apes. "Leave them to me!" now screamed Hop-Frog, his shrill voice making itself easily heard through all the din. '' Leave them to iiie. I fancy / know them. If I can only get a good look at them, / can soon tell who they are." Here, scrambling over the heads of the crowd, he managed to get to the wall ; when, seizing a flambeau from one of the Carya- ides, he returned, as he went, to the centre of the room leaped, with the agility of a monkey, upon the king's head and thence clambered a few feet up the chain holding down the torch to examine the group of ourang-outangs, and still screaming, " / shall soon find out who they are !" And now, while the whole assembly (the apes included) were convulsed with laughter, the jester suddenly uttered a shrill whis- tle ; when the chain flew violently up for about thirty feet drag- ging with it the dismayed and struggling ourang-outangs, and leaving them suspended in mid-air between the sky-light and the floor. Hop-Frog, clinging to the chain as it rose, still maintained his relative position in respect to the eight maskers, and still (as if nothing were the matter) continued to thrust his torch down towards them, as though endeavoring to discover who they were. So thoroughly astonished were the whole company at this ascent, that a dead silence, of about a minute's duration, ensued. It was broken by just such a low, harsh, grating sound, as had before attracted the attention of the king and his councillors, when tho former threw the wine in the face of Trippetta. But, on the pres- cut occasion, there could be no question as to u'hence the sound issu.-d. It came from the fang-like teeth of the dwarf, who ground them and gnashed them as he foamed at the mouth, and glared, with an expression of maniacal rage, into the upturned counte- nances of the king and his seven companions. 4GO HOP-FROG. "AL, ha!" said at length the infuriated jester. "Ah, ha! 1 begin to see who these people are, now !" Here, pretending to scrutinize the king more closely, he held the flambeau to the flaxen coat which enveloped him, and which instantly burst into a sheet of vivid flame. In less than half a minute the whole eight ourang- outangs were blazing fiercely, amid the shrieks of the multitude who gazed at them from below, horror-stricken, and without the power to render them the slightest assistance. At length the flames, suddenly increasing in virulence, forced the jester to climb higher up the chain, to be out of their reach ; and, as he made this movement, the crowd again sank, for a brief instant, into silence. The dwarf seized his opportunity, and once more spoke : " I now see distinctly" he said, " what manner of people these maskers are. They are a great king and his seven privy-council- lors a king who does not scruple to strike a defenceless girl, and his seven councillors who abet him in the <~> i itrage. As for mv- self, I am simply Hop-Frog, the jester and this is my last jest." Owing to the high combustibility of both the flax and the tar to which it adhered, the dwarf had scarcely made an end of his brief speech before the work of vengeance was complete. The eight corpses swung in their chains, a fetid, blackened, hideous, and indistinguishable mass. The cripple hurled his torch at them, clambered leisurely to the ceiling, and disappeared through the sky-light. It is supposed that Trippetta, stationed on the roof of the sa- loon, had been the accomplice of her friend in his fiery revenge, and that, together, they effected their escape to their own country: for neither was seen again. FOUR BEASTS IN ONE; THE HOMO-CAMELEOPARD. Cbacun a ses vertuw. Crebilloris Xtrxet. ANTTOCHUS EPIPHA.NES is very generally looked upon as the Gog of the prophet Ezekiel. This honor is, however, more pro^ perly attributable to Cambyses, the son of Cyrus. And, indeed, the character of the Syrian monarch does by no means stand in need of any adventitious embellishment. His accession to the throne, or rather his usurpation of the sovereignty, a hundred and seventy -one years before the coming of Christ; his attempt- to plunder the temple of Diana at Ephesus ; his implacable hos- tility to the Jews; his pollution of the Holy of Holies; and his miserable death at Taba, after a tumultuous reign of eleven years, are circumstances of a prominent kind, and therefore more gene- rally noticed by the historians of his time, than the impious, dast- ardly, cruel, silly and whimsical achievements which make up th sum total of his private life and reputation. * * * * *.**** Let us suppose, gentle reader, that it is now the year of the world three thousand eight hundred and thirty, and let us, for a few minutes, imagine ourselves at that most grotesque habitation of man, the remarkable city of Antioch. To be sure there were, in Syria and other countries, sixteen cities of that appellation, besides the one to which I more particularly allude. But ours is that which went by the name of Antiochia Epidaphne, from its vicinity to the little village of Daphne, where stood a temple to that divinity. It was built (although about this matter there is 42 FOUR BEASTS IN ONE. eoine dispute) by Seleucus Nicanor, the first king of the country after Alexander the Great, in memory of his father Antioctns. and became immediately the residence of the Syrian monarchy In the flourishing times of the Roman Empire, it was the ordi nary station of the prefect of the eastern provinces ; and many of the emperors of the queen city, (among whom may be men- tioned especially, Verus and Valens,) spent here the greater part rf their time. But I perceive we have arrived at the city itself. Let us ascend this battlement, and throw our eyes upon the town, and neighboring country. " What broad and rapid river is that which forces its way, with innumerable falls, through the mountainous wilderness, and finally through the wilderness of buildings?" That is the Orontes, arid it is the only water in sight, with the exception of the Mediterranean, which stretches like a broad mir- ror, about twelve miles off to the southward. Every one has seen the Mediterranean ; but let me tell you, there are few who have had a peep at Antioch. By few, I mean, few who, like you and me, have had, at the same time, the advantages of a modern edu- cation. Therefore cease to regard that sea, and give your whole attention to the mass of houses that lie beneath us. You will remember that it is now the year of the world three thousand eight hundred and thirty. Were it later for example, were it the year of our Lord eighteen hundred and forty-five, we should be deprived of this extraordinary spectacle. In the nineteenth century Antioch is that is to say, Antioch will be in a lament- able state of decay. It will have been, by that time, totally de- Btroyed, at three different periods, by three successive earthquakes. Indeed, to say the truth, what little of its former self may then remain, will be found in so desolate and ruinous a state that the patriarch shall have removed his residence to Damascus. This is well. I see you profit by my advice, and are making the most of your time in inspecting the premises in -satisfying your eyes "With the memorials ami the things of fume That most renown this city. I beg pardon; I had forgotten that Shakspeare will not flourish FOUR BEASTS IN ONE. 4fi;} for seventeen hundred and fifty years to come. But does not, the appearance of Epidaphne justify me in calling it grotesque ? " It is well fortified ; and in this respect is as much indebted to nature as to art." Very true. " There are a prodigious number of stately palaces." There are. "And the numerous temples, sumptuous and magnificent, may bear comparison with the most lauded of antiquity." All this I must acknowledge. Still there is an infinity of mud huts, and abominable hovels. We cannot help perceiving abun- dance of filth in every kennel, and, were it not for the overpower- ing fumes of idolatrous incense, I have no doubt we should find a most intolerable stench. Did you ever behold streets so insuffer- ably narrow, or houses so miraculously tall ? What a gloom their shadows cast upon the ground ! It is well the swinging lamps in those endless colonnades are kept burning throughout the day ; we should otherwise have the darkness of Egypt in the time of her desolation. " It is certainly a strange place ! What is the meaning of yon- der singular building ? See ! it towers above all others, and lies to the eastward of what I take to be the royal palace !" That is the new Temple of the Sun, who is adored in Syria under the title of Elah Gabalah. Hereafter a very notorious Ro- man Emperor will institute this worship in Rome, and thence de rive a cognomen, Heliogabalus. I dare say you would like to take a peep at the divinity of the temple. You need not look up at the heavens ; his Sunship is not there at least not the Sunship adored by the Syrians. That deity will be found in the interior of yonder building. He is worshipped under the figure of a large stone pillar terminating at the summit in a cone or pyramid^ whereby is denoted Fire. " Hark ! behold ! who can those ridiculous beings be, half naked, with their faces painted, shouting and gesticulating to the rabble ?" Some few are mountebanks. .Others more particularly belong to the race of philosophers. The greatest portion, however those especially who belabor the populace with clubs are the principal 464 FOUR BEASTS IN ONE. courtiers of the palace, executing, as in duty bound, some lauda- ble comicality of the king's. " But what have we here ? Heavens ! the town is swarming with wild beasts ! How terrible a spectacle ! how dangerous a peculiarity !" Terrible, if you please ; but not ia the least degree dangerous. Each animal, if you will take the pains to observe, is following, very quietly, in the wake of its master. Some few, to be sure, arc led with a rope about the neck, but these are chiefly the lesser or timid species. The lion, the tiger, and the leopard are entirelj without restraint. They have been trained without difficulty to their present profession, and attend upon their respective owners in the capacity of valets-de-chambre. It is true, there are occa sions when Nature asserts her violated dominion ; but then the devouring of a man-at-arms, or the throttling of a consecrated bull, is a circumstance of too little moment to be more than hint- ed at in Epidaphne. "But what extraordinary tumult do I hear? Surely this is a loud noise even for Antioch ! It argues some commotion of un- usual interest." Yes undoubtedly. The king has ordered some novel specta lie some gladiatorial exhibition at the Hippodrome or perhaps the massacre of the Scythian prisoners or the conflagration of his new palace or the tearing down of a handsome temple or, indeed, a bonfire of a few Jews. The uproar increases. Shouts of laughter ascend the skies. The air becomes dissonant with wind instruments, and horrible with the clamor of a million throats. Let us descend, for the love of fun, and see what is going on ! This way be careful ! Here we are in the principal street, which is called the street of Timarchus. The sea of people is coming this way, and we shall find a difficulty in stemming the tide. They are pouring through the alley of Heraclides, which leads directly from the palace therefore the king is most probably among the rioters. Yes I hear the shouts of the herald proclaiming his approach in the pompous phraseology of the East. We shall have a glimpse of his person as he passes by the temple of A?hi- ncah. Let us ensconce ourselves in the vestibule of the sanctuary; he will be here anon. In the meantime let us survey this image. FOUR BEASTS IN ONE. 465 What is it? Oh, it is the god Ashimah in pioper person. You perceive, however, that he is neither a lamb, nor a goat, nor a satyr ; neither has he much resemblance to the Pan of the Arca- dians. Yet all these appearances have been given I beg par- don will be given by the learned of future ages, to the Ashimah of the Syrians. Put on your spectacles), and tell me what it is. What is it ? " Bless me ! it is an ape !" True a baboon ; but by no means the less a deity. His name B a derivation of the Greek Simia what great fools are antiqua- rians ! But see ! see ! yonder scampers a ragged little urchin. Where is he going ? What is he bawling about ? What does he say ? Oh ! he says the king is coming in triumph ; that he is dressed in state ; that he has just finished putting to death, with his own hand, a thousand chained Israelitish prisoners ! For thia exploit the ragamuffin is lauding him to the skies ! Hark ! here comes a troop of a similar description. They have made a Latin hvmn upon the valor of the king, and are singing it as they go : Mille, mille, mille, Mille, mille, mille, Decollavimus, unus homo 1 Mille, mille, mille, mille, decollavimus I Mille, mille, mille ! Vivat qui mille mille occidit 1 Tantum vini habet nemo Quantum sanguinis effudit 1* Which may be thus paraphrased : A thousand, a thousand, a thousand, A thousand, a thousand, a thousand, We, with one warrior, have slain ! A thousand, a thousand, a thousand, a thousand. Sing a thousand over again ! Soho ! let us sing Long life to our king, Who knocked over a thousand so fine ! * Flavius Vospicus says, that the hymn here introduced, was sung by the rabLle upon the occasion of Aurelian, in the Sarmatic war, having slain with his own hand, nine hundred and fifty of the enemy. 406 FOUR BEASTS IN ONE. Soho ! let us roar, He has given us more Red gallons of gore Than all Syria can furnish of wine 1 "Do you hear that flourish of trumpets ?" Yes the king is coming ! See ! the people are aghast with admiration, and lift up their eyes to the heavens in reverence ! He comes ! he is coming ! there he is ! " Who ? where ? the king ? I do not behold him ; cannot Bay that I perceive him." Then you must be blind. " Very possible. Still I see nothing but a tumultuous mob of idiots and madmen, who are busy in prostrating themselves be- fore a gigantic cameleopard, and endeavoring to obtain a kiss of the animal's hoofs. See ! the beast has very justly kicked one of the rabble over and another and another and another. In deed, I cannot help admiring the animal for the excellent use ho is making of his feet." Rabble, indeed ! why these are the noble and free citizens of Epidaphne ! Beast, did you say ? take care that you are not overheard. Do you not perceive that the animal has the visage of a man ? Why, my dear sir, that cameleopard is no other than Antiochus Epiphanes Antiochus the Illustrious, King of Syria, and the most potent of all the autocrats of the East ! It is true, that he is entitled, at times, Antiochus Epimanes Antiochus the madman but that is because all people have not the capacity to appreciate his merits. It is also certain that he is at present en- sconced in the hide of a beast, and is doing his best to play the part of a cameleopard ; but this is done for the better sustaining his dignity as king. Besides, the monarch is of gigantic stature, and the dress is therefore neither unbecoming nor over large. We may, however, presume he would not have adopted it but for some occasion of especial state. Such, you will allow, is the mas- sacre of a thousand Jews. With how superior a dignity the mon- arch perambulates on all fours ! His tail, you perceive, is held aloft by his two principal concubines, Elline and Argelais ; and his whole appearance would be infinitely prepossessing, were it not for the protruberance of his eyes, which will certainly start out of FOUll BEASTS IN ONE. 467 his head, and the queer color of his face, which has become non- descript from the quantity of wine he has swallowed. Let us fol- low him to the hippodrome, whither he is proceeding, and listen to the song of triumph which he is commencing : Who is king but Epiphanes ? Say do you know ? Who is king but Epiphanes ? Bravo ! bravo ! There is none but Epiphanes, No there is none : So tear down the temples, And put out the sun ! Well and strenuously sung ! The populace are hailing him " Prince of Poets," as well as "Glory of the East," "Delight of the Universe," and " most remarkable of Cameleopards." They have encored his effusion, and do you hear? he is singing it over again. When he arrives at the hippodrome, he will be crowned with the poetic wreath, in anticipation of his victory at the approaching Olympics. " But, good Jupiter ! what is the matter in the crowd behind us?" Behind us, did you say ? oh ! ah ! I perceive. My friend, it is well that you spoke in time. Let us get into a place of safety as soon as possible. Here ! let us conceal ourselves in the arch of this aqueduct, and I will inform you presently of the origin of the commotion. It has turned out as I have been anticipating. The singular appearance of the cameleopard with the head of a man, has, it seems, given offence to the notions of propriety enter- tained in general, by the wild animals domesticated in the city. A mutiny has been the result ; and, as is usual upon such occa- sions, all human efforts will be of no avail in quelling the mob. Several of the Syrians have already been devoured ; but the gen- eral voice of the four-footed patriots seems to be for eating up the cameleopard. " The Prince of Poets," therefore, is upon his hinder legs, running for his life. His courtiers have have left him in the lurch, and his concubines have followed so excellent an exam- ple. "Delight of the Universe," thou art in a sad predicament! " Glory of the East," thou art in danger of mastication ! There- 468 FOUR BEASTS IN ONR fore never regard so piteously thy tail ; it will undoubtedly be draggled in the mud, and for this there is no help. Look not behind thee, then, at its unavoidable degradation ; but take courage, ply thy legs with vigor, and scud for the hippodrome ' Remember that thou art Antiochus Epiphanes. Antiochus the Illustrious ! also "Prince of Poets," "Glory of the East," "De- light of the Universe," and " most Remarkable of Cameleopards !" Heavens! what a power of speed thou art displaying! What a capacity for leg-bail thou art developing ! Run, Prince ! Bravo, Epiphanes ! Well done, Cameleopard ! Glorious Antiochus! He runs ! he leaps ! he flies ! Like an arrow from a catapult he approaches the hippodrome ! He leaps ! he shrieks ! he is there ! This is well ; for hadst thou, " Glory of the East," been half a second longer in reaching the gates of the Amphitheatre, there is not a bear's cub in Epidaphne that would not have had a nibble at thy carcass. Let us be off let us-take our departure! for we shaH find our delicate modern ears unable to endure the vast uproar which is about to commence in celebration of the king's escape ! Listen ! it has already commenced. See ! the whole town is topsy-turvy. " Surely this is the most populous city of the East ! What a wilderness of people! what a jumble of all ranks and ages ! what a multiplicity of sects and nations ! what a variety of costumes, what a Babel of languages ! what a screaming of beasts ! what a o o o tinkling of instruments ! what a parcel of philosophers !" Come let us be off! " Stay a moment ! I see a vast hubbub in the hippodrome ? what is the meaning of it I beseech you !" " That ? oh nothing ! The noble and free citizens of Epi- daphne being, as they declare, well satisfied of the faith, valor, wisdom, and divinity of their king, and having, moreover, been eye-witnesses of his, late superhuman agility, do think it no more than their duty to invest his brows (in addition to the poetic crown) with the wreath of victory in the foot-race a wreath which it is evident he must obtain at the celebration of the next Olym- piad, and which, therefore, they now give him in advance WHY THE LITTLE FRENCHMAN WEARS HIS HAND IN A SLING. IT'S on my wisiting cards sure enough (and it's them that's all o' pink satin paper) that inny gintleman that plases may behould the intheristhin words, " Sir Pathrick O'Grandison, Barronitt, 39 Southampton Row, Russell Square, Parrish o' Bloomsbury." And shud ye be wantin to diskiver who is the pink of purliteness quite, and the laider of the hot tun in the houl city o' Lonon why it's jist mesilf. And fait that same is no wonder at all at all, (so be plased to stop curlin your nose,) for every inch o' the six wakes that I've been a gintleman, and left aff wid the bog-throthing to take up wid the Barronissy, i'ts Pathrick that's been living like a houly imperor, and gitting the iddication and the graces. Och ! and would'nt it be a blessed thing for your sperrits if ye cud lay your two peepers jist, upon Sir Pathrick O'Grandison, Barronitt, when he is all riddy drissed for the hopperer, or stipping into the Brisky for the drive into the Hyde Park. But it's the iligant big figgur that I ave, for the rason o' which all the ladies fall in love wid me. Isn't it my own swate silf row that'll missure the six fut, and the three inches more nor that, in me stockings, and that am excadingly will proportioned all over to match? And is it ralelly more than the three fut and a bit that there is, inny how, of the little oulcl furrener Frinchman that lives jist over the way, and that's a oggling and a goggling the houl day, (and bad luck to him,) at the purty widdy Misthress Trade that's my own nixt dcor neighbor, (God bliss her) and a most particuller frind and 470 WHY THE LITTLE FRENCHMAN acquaintance? You percave the little spalpeen is summatdown in the mouth, and wears his lift hand in a sling ; and it's for that same thing, by yur lave, that I'm going to give you the good rason. The truth of the houl matter is jist simple enough ; for the very first day that I com'd from Connaught, and showd my swate little silf in the strait to the widdy, who was looking through the windy, it was a gone case althegither wid the heart o' the purty Misthress Trade. I percaved it, ye see, all at once, and no mis- take, and that's God's thruth. First of all it was up wid the windy in a jiffy, and thin she threw open her two peepers to the itmost, and thin it was a little gould spy-glass iht she clapped tight to one o' them, and divil may burn me if it did'nt spake to me as plain as a peeper cud spake, and says it, through the spy-glass, " Och ! the tip o' the mornin to ye, Sir Pathrick O'Grandison, Bar- ronitt, mavourneen; and it's a nate gintleman that ye are, sure enough, and it's mesilf and me forten jist that'll be at yur sarvice, dear, inny time o' day at all at all for the asking." And it's not mesilf ye wud have to be bate in the purliteness ; so I made her a bow that wud ha broken yur heart althegither to behould, and thin I pulled aff me hat with a flourish, and thin I winked at her hard wid both eyes, as much as to say, " Thrue for you, yer a swate lit- tle crature, Mrs. Trade, me darlint, and I wish I may be drownthed dead in a bog, if it's not mesilf, Sir Pathrick O'Grandison, Barronitt, that'll make a houl bushel o' love to yur leddy-ship, in the twink- ling o' the eye of a Londonderry purraty." And it was the nixt mornin, sure, jist as I was making up me mind whither it wouldn't be the purlite thing to sind a bit o' writin to the \viddy by way of a love-litter, when up cuir'd the delivery sarvant wid an illigant card, and he tould me that the name on it (for I niver cud rade the copper-plate printin on account of being lift handed) was all about Mounseer, the Count, A Goose, Look-aisy, Maiter-di-dauns, and that the houl of the divilish liogo was the spalpeeny long name of the little ould furrener Frinchman as lived over the way. And jist wid that in cum'd the little willian himself, and thin he made me a broth of a bow, and thin he said he had ounly taken the liberty of doing me the honor of the giving me a call, and thin WEARS HIS HAND IN A SLING. 471 ho went on to palaver at a great rate, and divil the bit did I com- prehiud what he wud be afther the tilling me at all at all, excipt- ing and saving that he said " pully wou, woolly wou," and tould me, among a bushel o' lies, bad luck to him, that he was mad for the love o' my widdy Misthress Trade, and that my widely Mrs. Trade had a puncheon for him. At the hearin of this, ye may swear, though, 1 was as mad as a grasshopper, but I remimbered that I was Sir Pathrick O'Graudi- son, Barronitt, and that it wasn't althegither gentaal to lit the anger git the upper hand o' the purliteness, so I made light o' the matter and kipt dark, and got quite sociable wid the little chap, and afther a while what did he do but ask me to go wid hirn to the widdy's, saying he wud give me the feshionable introduction to her leddyship. " Is it there ye are ?" said I thin to mesilf, " and it's thrue for you, Pathrick, that ye're the fortuunittest mortal in life. We'll soon see now whither its your swate silf, or whither its little Moun- seer Maiter-di-dauns, that Misthress Trade is head and ears in the love wid." Wid that we wint aff to the widdy's, next door, and ye may well say it was an illigant place ; so it was. There was a carpet all over the floor, and in one corner there was a forty-pinny and a jews-harp and the divil knows what ilse, and in another corner wis a sofy, the beautifullest thing in all natur, and sitting on the sofy, sure enough, there was the swate little angel, Misthress Trade. " The tip o' the morning to ye," says I, " Mrs. Trade," and thin I made sich an iligant obaysance that it wud ha quite althegither bewildered the brain o' ye. "Wully woo, pully woo, plump in the mud," says the little furrenner Frinchman, " and sure Mrs. Trade," says he, that he did, " isn't this gin^leman here jist his reverence Sir Pathrick O'Grandi- son, Barronitt, and isn't he althegither and entirely the- most pur ticular frind and acquintance that I have in the houl world?" And wid that the widdy, she gits up from the sofy, and makes the swatest curtchy nor iver was seen; and thin down she sits like an angel ; and thin, by the powers, it was that little spalpeen Mounseer Maiter-di-dauus that plumped his silf right down by the 4:72 WHY THE LITTLE .FRENCHMAN right side of her, Och hon ! I ixpicted the two eyes o' me wad ha cunrd out of my head on the spot, ! was so dispirate mad ! Howiver, " ] >ait who !" says I, after a while. " Is ii there ye are, Moimseer Maiter-di-dauns ?" and so down I plumped on the lift side of her leddyship, to be aven wid the willain. Botheration ! it wud ha done your heart good to percave the illigant double wink that I gived her jist thin right in the face wid both eyes. But the little ould Frinchman he niver beginned to suspict mo at all at all, and disperate hard it was he made the love to hei leddyship. " Woully wou," says he, " Pully wou," says he, " Plump in the mud," says he. " That's all to no use, Mounseer Frog, mavourneen," thinks I ; and I talked as hard and as fast as I could all the while, and throth it was mesilf jist that divarted her leddyship complately and in- tirely, by rasou of the illigant conversation that I kipt up wid her all about the dear bogs of Connaught. And by and by she gived me such a swate smile, from one ind of her mouth to the ither, that it made me as bould as a pig, and I jist took houlcl of the ind of her little finger in the most dillikittest manner in natur, looking at her all the while out o' the whites of my eyes. And then ounly percave the cuteness of the swate angel, for no sooner did she obsarve that I was afther the squazing of her flipper, than she up wid it in a jiffy, and put it away behind her back, jist as much as to say, " Now thin, Sir Pathrick O'Grandison, there's a bitther chance for ye, mavourneen, for its not altogether the gen- taal thing to be afther the squazing of my flipper right full in the sight of that little furrenner Frinchman, Mounseer Maiter-di-dauns." Wid that I giv'd her a big wink jist to say, "lit Sir Pathrick alone for the likes o' them thricks," and thin I wint aisy to work, and you'd have died wid the divarsion to behould how cliverly I slipped my right arm betwane the back o' the sofy, and the back of her leddyship, and there, sure enough, I found a swate little flipper all a waiting to say, " the tip o' the mornin to ye, Sir Path- rick O'Grandison, Barronitt." And wasn't it mesilf, sure, that jist giv'd it the laste little bit of a squaze in the world, all in the way of a commincement, and not to be too rough wid her leddyship ? and och, botheration, wasn't it the gentaalest and dilikittest of all the little squazes tint I got in return ? "Blood and thunder, Sir WEARS HIS HAND IN A SLING. 473 Pathrick, mavoureen," thinks I to myself, " fait it's jist the moth- er's son of you, and nobody else at all at all, that's the handsomest and the fortunittest young bogthrotter that ever cum'd out of Connaught !" And wid that I giv'd the flipper a big squaze, and a big squaze it was, by the powers, that her leddyship giv'd to me back. But it would ha split the seven sides of you wid the laffin to behould, jist then all at once,-the censated behavior of Moun- seer Maiter-di-dauns. The likes o' sich a jabbering, and a smirk- ing, and a parly -wouing as he begin'd wid her leddyship, niver was known before upon arth ; and divil may burn me if it wasn't me own very two peepers that cotch'd him tipping her the wink out of one eye. Och hon ? if it wasn't mesilf thin that was mad as a Kilkenny cat I shud like to be tould who it was ! " Let me infarni you, Mounseer Maiter-di-dauns," said I, as pur- lite as iver ye seed, " that it's not the gintaal thing at all at all, and not for the likes o' you inny how, to be afther the oggling and a goggling at her leddyship in that fashion," and jist wid that such another squaze as it was I giv'd her flipper, all as much as to say, " isn't it Sir Pathrick now, my jewel, that'll be able to the protecting o' you, my darlint?" and then there cum'd another squaze back, all by way of the answer. " Thrue for you, Sir Path- rick," it said as plain as iver a squaze said in the world, " Thrue for you, Sir Pathrick, mavourneen, and it's a proper nate gintle- man ye are that God's truth," and wid that she opened her two beautiful peepers till I belaved they wud ha com'd out of her hid althegither and intirely, and she looked first as mad as a cat at Mounseer Frog, and thin as smiling as all out o' doors at mesilf. " Thin," says he- ^he willian, " Och hon ! and a wolly-wou, pully-wou," and then wid that he shoved up his two shoulders till the divil the bit of his hid was to be diskivered, and then he let down the two corners of his purraty-trap, and thin not a haporth more of the satisfaction could I git out o' the spalpeen. Belave me, my jeAvel, it was Sir Pathrick that was unrasonable mad thin, and the more by token that the Frinchman kept an wid his winking at the widdy ; and the widdy she kipt an wid the squazing of my flipper, as much as to say, "At him again Sir Pathrick O'Grandison, mavourneen ;" to I just ripped out wid a big oath, and says I, 474 THE LITTLE FRENCHMAN. " Ye little spalpeeny frog of a bog-throtting son of a bloody noun !" and jist thin what d'ye think it was that her le Jdyship did ? Troth she jumped up from the sofy as if she was bit, and made off through the door, while I turned my head round afther her, in a complete bewilderment and botheration, and followed her wid me two peepers. You percave I had a reason of my own for knowing that she could'nt git down the stares althegither and en- tirely ; for I knew very well that I had hould of her hand, for divil the bit had I iver lit it go. And says I, " Isn't it the laste little bit of a mistake in the world that ye've been afther the making, yer leddyship ? Come back now, that's a darlint, and I'll give ye yur flipper.'' But aff she wint down the stairs like a shot, and then I turned round to the little Frinch furrenner. Och lion ! if it wasn't his spalpeeny little paw that I bad hould of in my own why thin thin it was'nt that's all. " And maybe it wasn't mesilf that jist died then outright wid the laffin, to behould the little chap when he found out that it wasn't the widdy at all at all that he had hould of all the time, but only Sir Pathrick O'Grandison. The ould divil himself niver be- hild sich a long face as he pet an ! As for Sir Pathrick O'Grandi- Eon, Barronitt, it wasn't for the likes of his riverence to be afther the minding of a thrifle of a mistake. Ye may jist say, though (for it's God's 'thruth) that afore I lift hould of the flipper of the Bpalpeen, (which was not till a*fther her leddyship's futmen had kicked us both down the stairs,) I gived it such a nate little broth of a squaze, as made it all up into raspberry jam, " Wouly-wou," says he, " pully-wou," says he Cot tarn !" And that's jist the thruth of the rason why he wears his left hand in a sling. BON-BON. Quand un bon vin meuble mon estomac, Je suis plus savant que Balzac Plus sage que Pibrac ; Mon bras seul faisant 1'attaque De la nation Cossaque, La mettroit au sac; De Charon Je passerois le lac En dormant dans son bac ; J'irois au fier Eac, Sans one mon cceur fit tic ni tac, Presenter du tabac. French Vaudeville. THAT Pierre Bon-Bon was a restaurateur of uncommon quali- fications, no man who, during the reign of , frequented the little Cafe in the cul-de-sac Le Febvre at Rouen, will, I imagine, feel himself at liberty to dispute. That Pierre Bon-Bon was, in an equal degree, skilled in the philosophy of that period is, I pre- sume, still more especially undeniable. His pates a la /ozs ( were beyond doubt immaculate ; but what pen can do justice to his essays sur la Nature his thoughts sur VAme his observations sur F Esprit ? If his omelettes if his fricandeaux were inestima- ble, what litterateur of that day would not have given twice as much for an Idee de Bon-Bon" as for all the trash of all the */c?ees" of all the rest of the savants? Bon-Bon had ransacked libraries which no other man had ransacked had read more than any other would have entertained a notion of reading had under- stood more than any other would have conceived the possibility of understanding; and although, while he flourished, there wera 476 BON-BON. not wanting some authors at Rouen to assert " that his dicla evinced neither the purity of the Academy, nor the depth of the Lyceum" although, mark me, his doctrines /vere by no means very generally comprehended, still it did not follow that they were difficult of comprehension. It was, I think, on account of their self-evidency that many persons were led to consider them ab- struse. It is to Bon-Bon but let this go no farther it is to Bon-Bon that Kant himself is mainly indebted for his metaphysics. The former was indeed not a Platonist, nor strictly speaking an Aristotelian nor did he, like the modern Leibnitz, waste those precious hours which might be employed in the invention of a fricasee, or, facili gradu, the analysis of a sensation, in frivolous attempts at reconciling the obstinate oils and waters of ethical dis- cussion. Not at all. Bon-Bon was Ionic Bon-Bon was equally Italic. He reasoned a priori He reasoned also a posteriori, His ideas were innate or otherwise. He believed in George of Trebizond He believed in Bossarion. Bon-Bon was emphati- cally a Bon-Bonist. I have spoken of the philosopher in his capacity of restaura- teur. I would not, however, have any friend of mine imagine that, in fulfilling his hereditary duties in that line, o ur hero wanted a proper estimation of their dignity and importance. Far from it, It was impossible to say in which branch of his profession he took the greater pride. In his opinion the powers of the intellect held intimate connection with the capabilities of the stomach. I am not sure, indeed, that he greatly disagreed with the. Chinese, who hold that the soul lies in the abdomen. The Greeks at all events were right, he thought, who employed the same word for the mind and the diaphragm.* By this I do not mean to insinuate a charge of gluttony, or indeed any other serious charge to the prejudice of the metaphysician. If Pierre Bon-Bon had his failings and what great man has not a thousand ? if Pierre Bon-Bon, 1 say, had his failings, they were failings of very little importance faults indeed which, in other tempers, have often been looked upon rather in the light of virtues. As regards one of these foiUes, I should not even have mentioned it in this history but for the remarkable * 0PVS. BON-BON. 477 prominency the extreme alto relievo in which it jutted out from the plane of his general disposition. lie could never lot slip an opportunity of making a bargain. Not that he was avaricious no. It was by no means neces- sary to the satisfaction of the philosopher, that the bargain should be to his own proper advantage. Provided a trade could be effected a trade of any kind, upon any terms, or under any cir- cumstances a triumphant smile was seen for many days there- after to enlighten his countenance, and a knowing wink of the eye to give evidence of his sagacity. At any epoch it would not be very wonderful if a humor so peculiar as the one I have just mentioned, should elicit attention and remark. At the epoch of our narrative, had this peculiarity not attracted observation, there would have been room for wonder indeed. It was soon reported that, upon all occasions of the kind, the smile of Bon-Bon was wont to differ widely from the down- right grin with which he would laugh at his own jokes, or wel come an acquaintance. Hints were thrown out of an exciting nature ; stories were told of perilous bargains made in a hurry and repented of at leisure ; and instances were adduced of unac- countable capacities, vague longings, and unnatural inclinations implanted by the author of all evil for wise purposes of his own. The philosopher had other weaknesses but they are scarcely worthy our serious examination. For example, there are few men of extraordinary profundity who are found wanting in an inclina- tion for the bottle. Whether this inclination be an exciting cause, or rather a valid proof, of such profundity, it is a nice thing to say Bon-Bon, as far as I can learn, did not think the subject adapted to minute investigation ; nor do I. Yet in the indulgence of a propensity so truly classical, it is not to be supposed that the restaurateur would lose sight of that intuitive discrimination which was wont to characterize, at one and the same time, his essais and his omelettes. In his seclusions the Vin de Bourgogne had its allotted hour, and there were appropriate moments for the Cotes du Rhone. With him Sauterne was to Medoc what Catul- lus was to Homer. He would sport with a syllogism in sipping St. Peray, but unravel an argument over Clos de Vougeot, and upset a theory in a torrent of Chambertin. Well had it been if 478 BON-BON the same quick sense of propriety had attended him in the ped- dling propensity to which I have formerly alluded but this was by no means the case. Indeed, to say the truth, that trait of mind in the philosophic Bon-Bon did begin at length to assume a char- acter of strange intensity and mysticism, and appeared deeply tinctured with the diablerie of his favorite German studies. To enter the little Cafe in the Cul-de-Sac Le Febre was, at the period of cir tale, to enter the sanctum of a man of genius. Bon- Bon was a man of genius. There was not a sous-cuisinier in Rouen, who could not have told you that Bon-Bon was a man of genius. His very cat knew it, and forebore to whisk her tail in the presence of the man of genius. His large water-dog was ac- quainted with the fact, and upon the approach of his master, betrayed his sense of inferiority by a sanctity of deportment, a de- basement of the ears, and a dropping of the lower jaw not altoge- ther unworthy of a dog. It is, however, true that much of this habitual respect might have been attributed to the personal ap- pearance of the metaphysician. A distinguished exterior will, I am constrained to say, have its weight even with a beast; and I am willing to allow much in the outward man of the restaurateur calculated to impress the imagination of the quadruped. There is a peculiar majesty about the atmosphere of the little great if I may be permitted so equivocal an expression which mere physi- cal bulk alone will be found at all times inefficient in creating. If, however, Bon-Bon was barely three feet in height, and if his head was diminutively small, still it was impossible to behold the rotun- dity of his stomach without a sense of magnificence nearly border- ing upon the sublime. In its size both dogs and men must havo seen a type of his acquirements in its immensity a fitting habi- tation for his immortal soul. I might here if it so pleased me dilate upon the matter of habiliment, and other mere circumstances of the external meta- physician. 1 might hint that the hair of our hero was worn short, combed smoothly over his forehead, and surmounted ~by a conical shaped white flannel cap and tassels that his pea-green jerkin was not after the fashion of those worn by the common class of restaur iteurs at that day that the sleeves were something fuller tnan the reigning costume permitted that the cuffs were turned BON-BON. 479 up, not as usual in that barbarous period, with cloth of the same quality and color as the garment, but faced in a more fanciful manner with the particolored velvet of Genoa that his slippers were of a bright purple, curiously filagreed, and might have been manufactured in Japan, but for the exquisite pointing of the toes, and the brilliant tints of the binding and embroidery that his breeches were of the yellow satin-like material called aimable that his sky-blue cloak, resembling in form a dressing-wrapper, and richly bestudded all over with crimson devices, floated cava- lierly upon his shoulders like a mist of the morning and that his tout ensemble gave rise to the remarkable words of Benevenuta, the Improvisatrice of Florence, " that it was difficult to say whe- ther Pierre Bon-Bon was indeed a bird of Paradise, or the rather a very Paradise of perfection." I might, I say, expatiate upon all these points if I pleased ; but I forbear : merely personal details may be left to historical novelists ; they are beneath the moral dignity of matter-of-fact. I have said that " to enter the Cafe in the Cul-de-Sac Le Febvre was to enter the sanctum of a man of genius" but then it was only the man of genius who could duly estimate the merits of the sanctum. A sign, consisting of a vast folio, swung before the entrance. On one side of the volume was painted a bottle; on the reverse a pate. On the back were visible, in large letters (Euvres de Bon-Bon. Thus was delicately shadowed forth the two-fold occupation of the proprietor. Upon stepping over the threshold, the whole interior of the building presented itself to view. A long, low-pitched room, of antique construction, was indeed alt the accommodation afforded by the Cafe. In a corner of the apartment stood the bed of the metaphysician. An array of curtains, together with a canopy a la Gregue, gave it an air at once classic and comfortable. In the corner diagonally opposite, appeared, in direct family com- munion, the properties of the kitchen and the bibliotkeque. A dish of polemics stood peacefully upon the dresser. Here lay an oven-full of the latest ethics there a kettle of duodecimo melanges, Volumes of German morality were hand and glove with the grid- iron- -a toasting fork might be discovered by the side of Euse- 480 BON-BON. bius Plato reclined at his ease in t,ie frying pan and coiitom poraiy manuscripts were filed away upon the spit. In other respects the Cafe de Bon-Bon might be said to differ little from the usual restaurants of the period. A large fire-plaeo yawned opposite the door. On the right of the fire-place an open cupboard displayed a formidable array of labelled bottles. It was here, about twelve o'clock one night, during the severe winter of , that Pierre Bon-Bon, after having listened for some time to the comments of his neighbors iipon his singular propensity that Pierre Bon-Bon, I say, having turned them all out of his house, locked the door upon them with an oath, and betook himself in no very pacific mood to the comforts of a leather- bottomed arm-chair, and a fire of blazing faggots. It was one of those terrific nights which are only met with once or twice during a century. It snowed fiercely, and the house tottered to its centre with the floods of wind that, rushing through the crannies of the wall, and pouring impetuously down the chim- ney, shook awfully the curtains of the philosopher's bed, and dis- organized the economy of his patepans and papers. The huge folio sign that swung without, exposed to the fury of the tempest, creaked ominously, and gave out a moaning sound from its stan- chions of solid oak. It was in no placid temper, I say, that the metaphysician drew up his chair to its customary station by the hearth. Many circum- stances of a perplexing nature had occurred during the day, to disturb the serenity of his meditations. In attempting des cevfs a la Princesse, he had unfortunately perpetrated an omelete a la .Reine ; the discovery of a principle in ethics had been frustrated! by the overturning of a stew ; and last, not least, he had been thwarted in one of those admirable bargains which he at all times took such especial delight in bringing to a successful termination. But in the chafing of his mind at these unaccountable vicissitudes, there did not fail to be mingled some degree of that nervous anxiety which the fury of a boisterous night is so well calculated to pro- duce. Whistling to his more immediate vicinity the large black water-dog we have spoken (if before, and settling himself uneasily in his chair, he could not help casting a wary and unquiet eye BON-BON. 481 towards those distant recesses of the apartment whose inexorable shadows not even the red fire-light itself could more than partially succeed in overcoming. Having completed a scrutiny whose exact purpose was perhaps unintelligible to himself, he drew close to his seat a small table covered with books and papers, and soon became absorbed in the task of re-touching a voluminous manu- script, intended for publication on the morrow. He had been thus occupied for some minutes, when " I am in no hurry, Monsieur Bon-Bon," suddenly whispered a whining voice in the apartment. " The devil !" ejaculated our hero, starting to his feet, overturn- ing the table ut his side, and staring around him in astonishment. " Very true, ' calmly replied the voice. " Very true ! what is very true ? how came you here ?" vo- ciferated the metaphysician, as his eye fell upon something which lay stretched at full-length upon the bed. " I was saying," said the intruder, without attending to the in- terrogatories, " I was saying, that I am not at all pushed for time that the business upon which I took the liberty of calling, is of BO pressing importance in short, that I can very well wait until you have finished your Exposition." " My Exposition ! there now ! how do you know ? how came you to understand that I was writing an Exposition good God !" " Hush !" replied the figure, in a shrill under tone ; and. arising quickly from the bed, he made a single step towards our hero, while an iron lamp that depended overhead swung convulsively baf.k from his approach. The philosopher's amazement did not prevent a narrow scrutiny of the stranger's dress and appearance. The outlines of his figure, exceedingly lean, but much above the common height, were ren- dered minutely distinct by means of a faded suit of black cloth which fitted tight to the skin, but was otherwise cut very much in the style of a century ago. These garments had evidently been Intended for a much shorter person than their present owner. His ankles and wrists were left naked for several inches. In his shoes, however, a pair of very brilliant buckles gave the lie to the extreme poverty implied by the other portions of his dress. His head was 482 BON-BON. bare, and entirely bald, with the exception of the hinder-part, from which depended a queue of considerable length. A pair of green spectacles, with side glasses, protected his eyes from the influence of the light, and at the same time prevented our hero from ascertaining either their color or their conformation. About the entire person there was no evidence of a shirt ; but a white cravat, of filthy appearance, was tied with extreme precision around the throat, and the ends, hanging down formally side by side, gave (although I dare say unintentionally) the idea of an eccle- siastic. Indeed, many other points both in his appearance ana demeanor might have very well sustained a conception of that nature. Over his left ear, he carried, after the fashion of a modern clerk, an instrument resembling the stylus of the ancients. In a breast-pocket of his coat appeared conspicuously a small black volume fastened with clasps of steel. This book, whether acciden- tally or not, was so turned outwardly from the person as to discover the words " Rituel Catholique" in white letters upon the back. His entire physiognomy was interestingly saturnine even cadaver- ously pale. The forehead was lofty, and deeply furrowed with the ridges of contemplation. The corners of the mouth were drawn down into an expression of the most submissive humility. There was also a clasping of the hands, as he stepped towards our hero a deep sigh and altogether a look of such utter sanctity as could not have failed to be unequivocally prepossessing. Every shadow of anger faded from the countenance of the metaphysician, as, having completed a satisfactory survey of his visiter's person, he shook him cordially by the hand, and conducted him to a seat. There would however be a radical error in attributing this in- stantaneous transition of feeling in the philosopher, to any one of those causes which might naturally be supposed to have had an influence. Indeed, Pierre Bon-Bon, from what I have been able to understand of his disposition, was of all men the least likely to be imposed upon by any speciousness of exterior deportment. It was impossible that so accurate an observer of men and things should have failed to discover, upon the moment, the real character of the personage who had thus intruded upon his hospitality. To say no more, the conformation of his visiter's feet was sufficiently remarkable he maintained lightly upon his head an inordinately BON-BON. 483 tall hat there was a tremulous swelling about the hinder part of his breeches and the vibration of his coat tail was a palpable fact. Judge, then, with what feelings of satisfaction our hero found himself thrown thus at once into the society of a person for whom he had at all times entertained the most unqualified respect. He was, however, too much of the diplomatist to let escape him any intimation of his suspicions in regard to the true state of affairs. It was not his cue to appear at all conscious of the high honov he thus unexpectedly enjoyed ; but, by leading his guest into con- versation, to elicit some important ethical ideas, which might, in obtaining a place in his contemplated publication, enlighten tho human race, and at the same time immortalize himself ideas which, I should have added, his visiter's great age, and well-known oroficiency in the science of morals, might very well have enabled aim to afford. Actuated by these enlightened views, our hero bade the gentle- man sit down, while he himself took occasion to throw some fag- gots upon the fire, and place upon the now re-established table some bottles of Mousseux. Having quickly completed these ope- rations, he drew his chair vis-a-vis to his companion's, and waited until the latter should open the conversation. But, plans even tho most skilfully matured, are often thwarted in the outset of their application and the restaurateur found himself nonplussed by the very first words of his visiter's speech. " I see you know me, Bon-Bon," said he : " ha ! ha ! ha ! he ! he ! he ! hi ! hi ! hi ! ho ! ho ! ho V hu ! hu! hu!" and the devil, dropping at once the sanctity of his demeanor, opened to its fullest extent a mouth from ear to ear, so as to display a set of jagged and fang-like teeth, and throwing back his head, laughed long, loudly, wickedly, and uproariously, while the black dog, crouching down upon his haunches, joined lustily in the chorus, and the tabby cat, flying off at a tangent, stood up on end, and shrieked in the farthest corner of the apartment. Not so the philosopher : he was too much a man of the world either to laugh like the dog, or by shrieks to betray the indecorous trepidation of the cat. It must be confessed, he felt a little aston- ishment to see the white letters which formed the words " Rituei Catholique" on the book in his guest's pocket, momently chang- 484 BON-BON. ing both their color and their import, and in a few seconds, in place of the original title, the words " Reyitre des Condamnes 1 ' blaze forth in characters of red. This startling circumstance, when Bon-Bon replied to his visitor's remark, imparted to his manner au air of embarrassment which probably might not otherwise have been observed. " Why, sir," said the philosopher, " why, sir, to speak sincere- ly I belbve you are upon my word the d dest that is to say, I think I imagine I have some faint some very faint idea of the remarkable honor " " Oh ! ah ! yes ! very well !" interrupted his Majesty ; "say no more I see how it is." And hereupon, taking oft' his green spectacles, he wiped the glasses carefully with the sleeve of his coat, and deposited them in his pocket. If Bon-Bon had been astonished at the incident of the book, his amazement was now much increased by the spectacle which here presented itself to view. In raising his eyes, with a strong feeling of curiosity to ascertain the color of his guest's, he found them by no means black, as lie had anticipated nor gray, as might have been imagined nor yet hazel nor blue nor indeed yellow nor red nor purple nor white nor green nor any other color in the heavens above, or in the earth beneath, or in the wa- ters under the earth. In short, Pierre Bon-Bon not only saw plainly that his Majesty had no eyes whatsoever, but could dis- cover no indications of their having existed at any previous pe- riod for the space where eyes should naturally have been, was, I am constrained to say, simply a dead level of flesh. It was not in the nature of the metaphysician to forbear ma- king some inquiry into the sources of so strange a phenomenon ; and the reply of his Majesty was at once prompt, dignified, and satisfactory. " Eyes ! my dear Bon-Bon eyes ! did you say ? oh ! ah ! I perceive ! The ridiculous prints, eh, which are in circulation, have given you a false idea of my personal appearance ? Eyes I- true, Eyes, Pierre Bon-Bon, are very well in their proper place that, you would say, is the head? right the head of a worm. To you likewise these optics are indispensable yet I will con- vince you thai my vision is more penetrating than your own BON-BON 485 Iliore is a cat I see in the corner a pretty cat look at her observe her well. Now, Bon-Bon, do you behold the thoughts the thoughts, I say the ideas the reflections which are being engendered in her pericranium ? There it is, now you do not ! She is thinking we admire the length of her tail and the profun- dity of her mind. She has just concluded that I am the most dis- tinguished of ecclesiastics, and that you are the most superficial of metaphysicians. Thus you see I am not altogether blind ; but to one of my profession, the eyes you speak of would be merely an incumbrance, liable at any time to be put out by a toasting iron or a pitchfork. To you, I allow, these optical affairs are in- dispensable. Endeavor, Bon-Bon, to use them well ; my vision is the soul." Hereupon the guest helped himself to the wine upon the table, and pouring out a bumper for Bon-Bon, requested him to drink it without scruple, and make himself perfectly at home. " A clever book that of yours, Pierre," resumed his Majesty, tapping our friend knowingly upon the shoulder, as the latter put down his glass after a thorough compliance with his visiter's in- junction. " A clever book that of yours, upon my honor. It's a work after my own heart. Your arrangement of the matter, I think, however, might be improved, and many of your notions remind me of Aristotle. That philosopher was one of my most intimate acquaintances. I liked him as much for his terrible ill temper, as for his happy knack at making a blunder. There is only one solid truth in all that he has written, nncl for that I gave him the hint out of pure compassion foi his absurdity. I sup pose, Pierre Bon-Bon, you very well -know to what divine moral truth I am alluding ?" " Cannot say that I " " Indeed ! why it was I who told Aristotle, that, by sneezing, men expelled superfluous ideas through the proboscis." " Which is hiccup ! undoubtedly the case," said the meta- physician, while he poured out for himself another bumper of Mous- eeux, and offered his snuff-box to the fingers of his visiter. " There was Plato, too," continued his Majesty, modestly de- clining the snuff-box and the compliment it implied " there was Plato, too, for whom I, at one time, felt all the affection of a friend 486 BON-BON. You knew Plato, Bon-Bon ? ah, no, I beg a thousand pardon* He met me at Athens, one day, in the Parthenon, and told me he was distressed for an idea. I bade him write down that o voug ESTIV auXof. He said that he would do so, and went home, while I stepped over to the pyramids. But my conscience smote me for having uttered a truth, even to aid a friend, and hastening back to Athens, I arrived behind the philosopher's chair as he waa inditing the ' auXocr.' Giving the lamma a fillip with my finger, I turned it upside down. So the sentence now reads ' o vourf stf-riv auyo,' and is, you perceive, the fundamental doctrine in his meta- physics." " Were you ever at Rome ?" asked the restaurateur, as he fin- ished his second bottle of Mousseux, and drew from the closet a larger supply of Chambertin. "But once, Monsieur Bon-Bon, but once. There was a time," Baid the devil, as if reciting some passage from a book " there was a time when occurred an anarchy of five years, during which the repxiblic, bereft of all its officers, had no magistracy besidea the tribunes of the people, and these were not legally vested with any degree of executive power at that time, Monsieur Bon-Bon at that time only I was in Rome, and I have no earthly acquaint- ance, consequently, with any of its philosophy." * " What do you think of what do you think of hiccup ! Epicurus ?" " What do I think of whom ?" said the devil, in astonishment ; " you cannot surely mean to find any fault with Epicurus ! What do I think of Epicurus ! Do you mean me, sir ? / am Epicurus ! I am the same philosopher who wrote each of the three hundred treatises commemorated by Diogenes Laertes." " That's a lie !" said the metaphysician, for the wine had gotten a little into his head. " Very well ! very well, sir ! very well, indeed, sir !" said his Majesty, apparently much flattered. "That's a lie !" repeated the restaurateur, dogmatically, "that's a hiccup ! a lie !" * 11s ecrivaient sur la Philosophic, (Cicero, Lucretius, Seneca) mais c'etait la Philosophic Grecque. Condoreet. BON-BON. 487 "Well, well, have it your own way !" said the devil, pacifically and Bon -Bon, having beaten his Majesty at an argument, though it his duty to conclude a second bottle of Chambertin. "As I was saying," resinned the visiter, "as I was observing a little while ago, there are some very outre notions in that book of ^'ours, Monsieur Bon-Bon. What, for instance, do you mean by all that humbug about the soul ? Pray, sir, what is the soul ?" " The- hiccup ! soul," replied the metaphysician, referring to nis MS., " is undoubtedly " "No, sir!" " Induoitably " "No, sir!" "Indisputably " "No, sir!" " Evidently " "No, sir!" " Incontrovertibly " "No, sir!" ? Hiccup! " "No, sir!" "And beyond all question, a- " No, sir, the soul is no such thing !" (Here, the philosopher looking daggers, took occasion to make an end, upon the spot, of his third bottle of Chambertin.) " Then hiccup ! pray, sir what what is it ?" "That is neither here nor there, Monsieur Bon-Bon," replied his Majesty, musingly. " I have tasted that is to say, I have known some very bad souls, and some too pretty good ones." Here he smacked his lips, and, having unconsciously let fall his hand upon the volume in his pocket, was seized with a violent fit of sneezing. He continued : "There was the soul of Cratinus passable: Aristophanes racy : Plato exquisite not your Plato, but Plato the comic poet : your Plato would have turned the stomach of Cerberus faugh ! Then let me see ! there were Noevius, and Andronicus, and Plautus, and Terentius. Then there were Lucilius, and Ca- tullus, and Naso, and Quintius Flaccus, dear Quiuty ! as I called 488 BON-BON. him when he sung a seculare for my amusement, while I toasted him, in pure good humor, on a fork. But they wwa.t flavor those Romans. One fat Greek is worth a dozen of them, and besides will keep, which cannot be said of a Quirite. Let us taste youi Sauterne." Bon-Bon had by this time made up his mind to the nil admi- rari, and endeavored to hand down the bottles in question. He was, however, conscious of a strange sound in the room like the wagging of a tail. Of this, although extremely indecent in his Majesty, the philosopher took no notice : simply kicking the dog, and requesting him to be quiet. The visiter continued : " I found that Horace tasted very much like Aristotle ; you know I am fond of variety. Terentius I could not have told from Meuander. Naso, to my astonishment, was Nicander in disguise. Virgilius had a strong twang of Theocritus. Martial put me much in mind of Archilochus and Titus Livius was positively Polybius and none other." " Hiccup !" here replied Bon-Bon, and his Majesty proceeded : " But if I have a penchant, Monsieur Bon-Bon if I have a pen- chant, it is for a philosopher. Yet, let me tell you, sir, it is not every dev I mean it is not every gentleman, who knows how to choose a philosopher. Long ones are not good ; and the best, if not carefully shelled, are apt to be a little rancid on account of the gall." " Shelled ! !" " I mean, taken out of the carcass." " What do you think of a hiccup ! physician ?" "Don't mention them ! ugh! ugh!" (Here his Majesty retch- ed violently.) " I never tasted but one that rascal Hippocrates ! smelt of asafcetida ugh ! ugh ! ugh ! caught a wretched cold washing him in the Styx and after all he gave me the cholera morbus." "The hiccup! wretch!" ejaculated Bon-Bon, "the hic- cup ' abortion of a pill-box !" and the philosopher dropped a tear. " After all," continued the visiter, " after all, if a dev if a gen- . t.leman wishes to live, he must have more talents than one or two ; fiiid with us a fat face is an evidence of diplomacy." BON-BON. 489 "How so?" " Why we are sometimes exceedingly pushed for provisions. You must know that, in a climate so sultry as mine, it is fre- quently impossible to keep a spirit alive for more than two or three hours; and after death, unless pickled immediately, (and a pickled spirit is not good,) they will smell you understand, eh? Putrefaction is always to be apprehended when the souls are con- signed to us in the usual way." " Hiccup ! hiccup ! good God ! how do you manage ?" Here the iron lamp commenced swinging with redoubled vio- lence, and the devil half started from his seat; however, with a slight sigh, he recovered his composure, merely saying to our hero in a low tone, " I tell you what, Pierre Bon-Bon, we must have no more swearing." The host swallowed another bumper, by way of denoting thorough comprehension and acquiescence, and the visiter con- tinued : " Why, there are several ways of managing. The most of ua starve: some put up with the pickle: for my part I purchase my spirits vivente corpore, in which case I find they keep very well." " But the body ! hiccup ! the body ! ! !" " The body, the body well, what of the body ? oh ! ah ! I per- ceive. Why, sir, the body is not at all affected by the transac- tion. I have made innumerable purchases of the kind in my day, and the parties never experienced any inconvenience. There were Cain and Nimrod, and Nero, and Caligula, and Dionysius, and Pisistratus, and and a thousand others, who never knew what it was to have a soul during the latter part of their lives ; yet, sir, these men adorned society. Why is n't there A , now, whom you know as well as I ? Is he not in possession of all his facul- ties, mental and corporeal ? Who writes a keener epigram ? Who reasons more wittily? Who but, stay! I have his agreement in my pocket-book." Thus saying, he produced a red leather wallet, and took from it a number of papers. Upon some of these Bon-Bon caught a glimpse of the letters Machi Maza Rpbesp with the words Caligula, George, Elizabeth. His Majesty selected a narrow slip of parchment, and from it read aloud the following we rds : 490 BON-BON. " In consideration of certain mental endowments -which it ia unnecessary to specify, and in farther consideration of one thou- sand louis d'or, I, being aged one year and one month, do hereby make over to the bearer of this agreement all my right, title, and appurtenance in the shadow called my soul." (Signed) A * (llere his Majesty repeated a name which I do not feel myself jus- tified in indicating more unequivocally.) " A clever fellow that," resumed he ; " but like you, Monsieur J3on-13on, he was mistaken about the soul. The soul a shadow, truly ! The soul a shadow ! Ha ! ha ! ha ! he ! he ! he ! hu ! hu ! hu ! Only think of a fricasseed shadow !" " Only think hiccup ! of a fricasseed shadow !" exclaimed our hero, whose faculties were becoming much illuminated by tha profundity of his Majesty's discourse. " Only think of a hiccup ! fricasseed shadow ! ! Now, dam- me! hiccup! humph! If / would have been sucli a hic- cup! nincompoop. My soul, Mr. humph!" " Your soul, Monsieur Bon- Bon?" " Yes, sir hiccup ! my soul is" "What, sir?" " No shadow, damme !" " Did you mean to say" " Yes, sir, my soul is hiccup ! humph ! ves, sir." " Did not intend to assert" "My soul is hiccup! peculiarly qualified for hiccup I -a" "What, sir?" " Stew." " Ha !" " Soufflee." 4. Eh ?" " Fricassee." "Indeed!" " Ragout and fricandeau and see here, my good fellow ! I'l let you have it hiccup ! a bargain." Here the philosopher slapped his Majesty upon the back. * Quere Arouet? ' BON-BOK 491 " Couldn't think of such a thing," said the latter calmly, at the same time rising from his se-at. The metaphysician stared. " Am supplied at present," said his Majesty. " Ilic-cup ! e-h ?" said the philosopher. "Have no funds on hand." "What?" " Resides, very unhandsome in me" "Sir!" " To take advantage of" "Ilic-cup!" " Your present disgusting and ungentlemanly situation." Here the visiter bowed and withdrew in what manner could not precisely be ascertained but in a well-concerted effort to dis- charge a bottle at " the villain," the slender chain was severed that depended from the ceiling, and the metaphysician prostrated by tie downfall of the lamp. SOME WORDS ITH A MUMMY THE symposium of the preceding evening had been a little too much for my nerves. I had a wretched head-ache, and was des- perately drowsy. Instead of going out, therefore, to spend the evening, as I had proposed, it occurred to me that I could not do a wiser thing than just eat a mouthful of supper and go imme- diately to bed. A light supper, of course. I am exceedingly fond of Welsh rabbit. More than a pound at once, however, may not at all times be advisable. Still, there can be no material objection to two. And really between two and three, there is merely a single unit ot difference. I ventured, perhaps, upon four. My wife will have it five ; but, clearly, she has confounded two very distinct affairs The abstract number, five, I am willing to admit ; but, concreteiy < it has reference to bottles of Brown Stout, without which, in the way of condiment, AVelsh rabbit is to be eschewed. Having thus concluded a frugal meal, and donned my night- cap, with the serene hope of enjoying it till noon the next day, I placed my head upon the pillow, and, through the aid of a capi tal conscience, fell into a profound slumber forthwith. But when were the hopes of humanity fulfilled ? I could not have completed my third snore when there came a furious ringing at the street-door bell, and then an impatient thumping at the knocker, which awakened me at once. In a minute afterward, mild while I was still rubbing my eyes, my wife thrust in my face note, from my old friend, Doctor Ponnouner. It ran thus : SOME WORDS WITH A MUMMY. 493 "Come to me, by all means, my dear good friend, as soon as you receiv this. Come and help us to rejoice. At last, by long persevering diplomacy, I have gained the assent of the Directors of the City Museum, to my exami- nation of the Mummy you know the one I mean. I have permission to unswathe it and open it, if desirable. A few friends only will be present you, of course. The Mummy is now at my house, and we shall begin to unroll it at eleven to-night. " Yours, ever, " Po.VNONNER." By the time I had reached the " Ponnonner," it struck me that I was as wide awake as a man need be. I leaped out of bed in an ecstacy, overthrowing all in my way ; dressed myself with a rapidity truly marvellous ; and set off, at the top of my speed, for the Doctor's. There I found a very eager company assembled. They had been awaiting me with much impatience; the Mummy was ex- tended upon the dining-table ; and the moment I entered, it* examination was commenced. It was one of a pair brought, several years previously, by Cap- tain Arthur Sabretash, a cousin of Ponnonner's, from a tomb near Eleithias, in the Lybian Mountains, a considerable distance above Thebes on the Nile. The grottoes at this point, although less magnificent than the Theban sepulchres, are of higher interest, on account of affording more numerous illustrations of the private life of the Egyptians. The chamber from which our specimen was taken, was said to be very rich in such illustrations the walls be- ing completely covered with fresco paintings and bas-reliefs, while statues, vases, and Mosaic work of rich patterns, indicated the vast wealth of the deceased. The treasure had been deposited in the Museum precisely in the same condition in which Captain Sabretash had found it ; that is to say, the coffin had not been disturbed. For eight years it had thus stood, subject only externally to public inspection. We had now, therefore, the complete Mummy at our disposal ; and to those who are aware how very rarely the unransacked an- tique reaches our shores, it will be evident, at once, that we had great reason to congratulate ourselves upon our good fortune. Approaching the table, I saw on it a large box, or case, nearly seveu feet long, and perhaps three feet wide, by two feet and a 494 SOME WORDS WITH A MUMMY. half deep. It was oblong not coffin shaped. The material was at first supposed to be the wood of the sycamore (platanus^) but, upon cutting into it, we found it to be pasteboard, or, more prop- erly, papier mache, composed of papyrus. It was thickly orna- mented with paintings, representing funeral scenes, and other mournful subjects interspersed among which, in every variety of position, were certain series of hieroglyphical characters, intended, no doubt, for the name of the departed. By good luck, Mr. Glid- don formed one of our party ; and he had no difficulty in trans- lating the letters, which were simply phonetic, and represented the word, Allamistakeo. We had some difficulty in getting this case open without injury; but, having at length accomplished the task, we came to a second, coffin-shaped, and very considerably less in size than the exterior one, but resembling it precisely in every other respect. The inter- ral between the two was filled with resin, which had, in some de- gree, defaced the colors of the interior box. Upon opening this latter, (which we did quite easily,) we ar- rived at a third case, also coffin-shaped, and varying ffom the second one in no particular, except in that of its material, which was cedar, and still emitted the peculiar and highly aromatic odor of that wood. Between the second and the third case there was no interval the one fitting accurately within the other. Removing the third case, we discovered and took out the body itself. We had expected to find it, as usual, enveloped in frequent rolls, or bandages, of linen ; but, in place of these, we found a sort of sheath, made of papyrus, and coated with a layer of plaster, thickly gilt and painted. The paintings represented subjects con- nected with the various supposed duties of the soul, and its presen- tation to different divinities, with numerous identical human figures, intended, very probably, as portraits of the persons embalmed. Extending from head to foot, was a columnar, or perpendicular inscription, in phonetic hieroglyphics, giving again his name and titles, and the names and titles of his relations. Around the neck thus unsheathed, was a collar of cylindrical glass beads, diverse in color, and so arranged as to form images of deities, of the scarabseus, etc., with the winged globe. Around the small of the waist was a similar collar or belt. SOME WORDS WITH A MUMMY. 495 Stripping oft' the papyrus, we found the flesh in excellent preser- vation, with no perceptible odor. The color was reddish. The skin was hard, smooth, and glossy. The teeth and hair were in good condition. The eyes (it seemed) had been removed, and glass ones substituted, which were very beautiful and wonderfully life-like, with the exception of somewhat too determined a stare. The finger and the nails were brilliantly gilded. Mr. Gliddon was of opinion, from the redness of the epidermis, that the embalment had been effected altogether by asphaltum ; but, on scraping the surface with a steel instrument, and throwing into the fire some of the powder thus obtained, the flavor of cam- phor and other sweet-scented gums became apparent. We searched the corpse very carefully for the usual openings through which the entrails are extracted, but, to our surprise, we could discover none. No member of the party was at that period aware that entire or unopened mummies are not unfrequently met. The brain it was customary to withdraw through the nose ; the intestines through an incision in the side ; the body was then shaved, washed, and salted; then laid aside for several weeks, when Ihe operation of embalming, properly so called, began. As no trace of an opening could be found, Doctor Ponnonner was preparing his instruments for dissection, when I observed that 1 was then past two o'clock. Hereupon it was agreed to post- pone the internal examination until the next evening ; and we were about to separate for the present, when some one suggested an experiment or two with the Voltaic pile. The application of electricity to a Mummy three or four thou- sand years old at the least, was an idea, if not very sage, still suffi- ciently original, and we all caught it at once. About one-tenth in earnest and nine-tenths in jest, we arranged a battery in the Doctor's study, and conveyed thither the Egyptian. It was only after much trouble that we succeeded in laying bare some portions of the temporal muscle which appeared of less stony rigidity than other parts of the frame, but which, as we had anticipated, of course, gave no indication of galvanic susceptibility when brought in contact with the wire. This, the first trial, in- deed, seemed decisive, and. with a hearty laugh at our own ab- surdity, we were bidding each other good night, when my eyes, 490 SOME WORDS WITH A MUMMY. happening to fall upon those of the Mummy, were there imme- diately riveted in amazement. My brief glance, in fact, had suf- ficed to assure me that the orbs which we had all supposed to be glass, and which were originally noticeable for a certain wild stare, were now so far covered by the lids, that only a small portion of the tunica albugixea remained visible. With a shout I called attention to the fact, and it became im- mediately obvious to all. I cannot say that I was alarmed at the phenomenon, because "alarmed" is, in my case, not exactly the word. It is possible, however, that, but for the Brown Stout, I might have been a little nervous. As for the rest of the company, they really made no attempt at concealing the downright fright which possessed them. Doctor Ponnonner was a man to be pitied. Mr. Gliddon, by some peculiar process, rendered himself invisible. Mr. Silk Bucking- ham, I fancy, will scarcely be so bold as to deny that he made his way, upon all fours, under the table. After the first shock of astonishment, however, we resolved, as a matter of course, upon farther experiment forthwith. Our ope- rations were now directed against the great toe of the right foot. We made an incision over the outside of the exterior os sesamoi- deum pollicis pedis, and thus got at the root of the abductor mus- cle. Re-adjusting the battery, we now applied the fluid to the bisected nerves when, with a movement of exceeding life-like- ness, the Mummy first drew up its right knee so as to bring it nearly in contact with the abdomen, and then, straightening the limb with inconceivable force, bestowed a kick upon Doctor Pon- nonner, which had the effect of discharging that gentleman, like an arrow from a catapult, through a window into the street below. We rushed out en masse to bring in the mangled remains of the victim, but had the happiness to meet him upon the staircase, coming up in an unaccountable hurry, brimfull of the most ardent philosophy, and more than ever impressed with the necessity of prosecuting our experiments with rigor and with zeal. It was by his advice, accordingly, that we made, upon the spot, a profound incision into the tip of the subject's nose, while the Doctor himself, laying violent hands upon it, pulled it into veho.m t contact with the wire. SOME WORDS WITH A MUMMY. 4D7 Morally ar.d physically figuratively and literally was the effect electric. In the first place, the corpse opened its eyes and winked very rapidly for several minutes, as does Mr. Barnes in the pantomime ; in the second place, it sneezed ; in the third, it sat upon end ; in the fourth, it shook its fist in Doctor Ponnon- ner's face ; in the fifth, turning to Messieurs Gliddon and Bucking- ham, it addressed them, in very capital Egyptian, thus : " I must say, gentlemen, that I am as much surprised as T am mortified, at your behavior. Of Doctor Ponnonner nothing bet- ter was to be expected. He is a poor little fat fool who know* no better. I pity and forgive him. But you, Mr. Gliddon and you, Silk who have travelled and resided in Egypt until one might imagine you to the manor born you, I say, who have been so much among us that you speak Egyptian fully as well, I think, as you write your mother tongue you, whom Lhavo always been led to regard as the firm friend of the mummies I really did anticipate more gentlemanly conduct from you. What am I to think of your standing quietly by and seeing me thus unhandsomely used ? What am I to suppose by your permitting Tom, Dick, and Harry to strip me of my coffins, and my clothes, in this wretchedly cold climate ? In what light (to come to the point) am I to regard your aiding and abetting that miserable little villain, Doctor Ponnonner, in pulling me by the nose ?" It will be taken for granted, no doubt, that upon hearing this speech iinder the circumstances, we all either made for the door, or fell into violent hysterics, or went off in a general swoon. One of these three things was, I say, to be expected. Indeed each and all of these lines of conduct might have been very plausibly pur- sued. And, upon my word, I am at a loss to know how or why it was that we pursued neither the one or the other. But, per- haps, the true reason is to be sought in the spirit of the age, which proceeds by the rule of contraries altogether, and is now usually admitted as the solution of everything in the way of paradox and impossibility. Or, perhaps, after all, it was only the Mummy's exceedingly natural and matter-of-course air that divested his words of the terrible. However this may be, the facts are clear, and no member of our party betrayed any very particular trepidation, or seemed to consider that anything had gone very especially wrong. 498 SOME WO IDS WITH A MUMMY. For rny part I was convinced it was all right, and merely step- ped aside, out of the range of the Egyptian's fist. Doctor Pon- nonner thrust his hands into his breeches' pockets, looked hard at the Mummy, and grew excessively red in the face. Mr. Gliddon stroked his whiskers and drew up the collar of his shirt. Mr. Buckingham hung down his head, and put his right thumb into the left corner of his mouth. The Egyptian regarded him with a severe countenance for some minutes, and at length, with a sneer, said : " Why don't you speak, Mr. Buckingham ? Did you hear what I asked you, or not ? Do take your thumb out of your mouth !" Mr. Buckingham, hereupon, gave a slight start, took his right thumb out of the left corner of his mouth, and, by way of indem- nification, inserted his left thumb in the right corner of the aper- ture above-mentioned. Not being able to get an answer from Mr. B., the figure turned peevishly to Mr. Gliddon, and, in a peremptory tone, demanded in general terms what we all meant. Mr. Gliddon replied at great length, in phonetics ; and but for the deficiency of American printing-offices in hieroglyphical type, it would afford me much pleasure to record here, in the original, the whole of his very excellent speech. I may as well take this occasion to remark, that all the subse- quent conversation in which the Mummy took a part, was carried on in primitive Egyptian, through the medium (so far as concerned myself and other untravelled members of the company) through the medium, I say, of Messieurs Gliddon and Buckingham, ns interpreters. These gentlemen spoke the mother-tongue of tho mummy with inimitable fluency and grace ; but I could not help observing that (owing, no doubt, to the introduction of images entirely modern, and, of course, entirely novel to the stranger,) the two travellers were reduced, occasionally, to the employment of sensible forms for the purpose of conveying a particular mean- ing. Mr. Gliddon, at one period, for example, could not make the Egyptian comprehend the term "politics," until he sketched upon the wall, with a bit of charcoal, a little carbuncle nosed gentleman, out at elbows, standing upon a s'. ump, with his left leg drawn SOME WORDS *WITH A MUMMY. 499 back, liis right arm thrown forward, with his fist shut, the eyes rolled up toward Heaven, and the mouth open at an angle of ninety degrees. Just in the same way Mr. Buckingham failed to convey the absolutely modern idea, u whig," until, (at Doctor 1'onnonner's suggestion,) he grew very pale in the face, and con scnted to take oft his own. It will be readily understood that Mr. Gliddon's discourse turned chiefly upon the vast benefits accruing to science from the unrolling and disemboweling of mummies; apologizing, upon this score, for any disturbance that might have been occasioned kirn, in par- ticular, the individual Mummy called Allamistakeo ; and con- cluding with a mere hint, (for it could scarcely be considered more,) that, as these little matters were now explained, it might be as well to proceed with the investigation intended. Here Doctor Ponnonner made ready his instruments. In regard to the latter suggestions of the orator, it appears that Allamistakeo had certain scruples of conscience, the nature of which I did not distinctly learn ; but he expressed himself satis- fied with the apologies tendered, and, getting down from the table, shook hands with the company all round. AVhen this ceremony was at an end, we immediately busied ourselves in repairing the damages which our subject had sus- tained from the scalpel. We sewed up the wound in his temple, bandaged his foot, and applied a square inch of black plaster to the tip of his nose. It was now observed that the Count, (this was the title, it seems, of Allamistakeo,) had a slight fit of shivering no doubt from the cold. The doctor immediately repaired to his wardrobe. and soon returned with a black dress coat, made in Jennings' best manner, a pair of sky-blue plaid pantaloons with straps, a pink gingham chemise, a flapped vest of brocade, a white sack overcoat, a walking cane with a hook, a hat with no brim, patent-leather boots straw-colored kid gloves, an eye-glass, a pair of whiskers, and a waterfall cravat. Owing to the disparity of size between the C^unt and the doctor, (the proportion being as two to one,) there was some little difficulty in adjusting tliese habiliments upon the person of the Egyptian ; but when all was arranged, he might have been said to be dressed. Mr. Gliddon. therefore, gave him 500 SOME WORDS WITH A MUMMY his ami, and led him to a comfortable chair by the fire, while the doctor rang the bell upon the spot and ordered a supply of cigars and wine. The conversation soon grew animated. Much curiosity was, of course, expressed in regard to the somewhat remarkable fact of Allamistakeo's still remaining alive. '' I should have thought," observed Mr. Buckingham, " that it is high time you were dead." " Why." replied the Count, very much astonished, " I am little more than neven nundred years old ! My father lived a thousand, and was by no means in his dotage when he died." Here ensued a brisk series of questions and computations, by means of v?hich it became evident that the antiquity of the Mummy had been grossly misjudged. It had been five thousand and fifty ytars, and some months, since he had been consigned to the catacombs at Eleithias. " But my remark," resumed Mr. Buckingham, " had no refer- ence to your age at the period of interment ; (I am willing to grant, in fact, that you are still a young man,) and my allusion was to the immensity of time during which, by your own showing, you must have been done up in asphaltum." " In ^hat ?" said the Count. " In asphaltum," persisted Mr. B. " All, yes ; I have some faint notion of what you mean ; it might be made to answer, no doubt, but in my time we em- ployed scarcely anything else than the Bichloride of Mercury." " But what we are especially at a loss to understand," said Doctor Ponnonner, "is how it happens that, having been dead and buried in Egypt, five thousand years ago, you are here tc-day all alive, and looking so delightfully well." " Had I been, as you say, dead" replied the Count, " it is mor? than probable that dead I should still be ; for I perceive you aro yet in the infancy of Galvanism, and cannot accomplish with it what was a common thing among us in the old days. But the fact is, I fell into catalepsy, and it was considered by my best friends that I was either dead or should be ; they accordingly em- balmed me at once I presume you are aware of the chief prin- ciple of the embalming process ?" SOME WORDS WITH A MUMMY. 501 " Why, not altogether." " Ah, I perceive ; a deplorable condition of ignorance ! Well, I cannot enter into details just now : but it is necessary to explain that to embalm, (properly speaking,) in Egypt, was to arrest indefi nitely all the animal functions subjected to the process. I use the word ' animal in its widest sense, as including the physical not more than the moral and vital being. I repeat that the leading principle of embalmment consisted, with us, in the immediately arresting, and holding in perpetual abeyance, all the animal func- tions subjected to the process. To be brief, in whatever condition the individual was, at the period of embalmment, in that condition he remained. Now; as it is my good fortune to be of the blood of the Scaraboeus, I was embalmed alive, as you see me at pre- sent." " The blood of the Scarabceus !" exclaimed Doctor Ponnonner. " Yes. The Scaraboeus was the insignium, or the ' arms,' of a very distinguished and very rare patrician family. To be ' of the blood of the Scaraboeus,' is merely to be one of that family of which the Scaraboeus is the insignium. I speak figuratively " " But what has this to do with your being alive ?" " Why it is the general custom in Egypt, to deprive a corpse, before embalmment, of its bowels and brains ; the race of Scaraboei alone did not coincide with the custom. Had I not been a Scara- boeus, therefore, I should have been without bowels and brains ; and without either it is inconvenient to live." " I perceive that ;" said Mr. Buckingham, " and I presume that all the entire mummies that ccme to hand are of the race of Scarabcei." " Beyond doubt." " I thought," said Mr. Gliddon, very meekly, " that the Scara- bceus was one of the Egyptian gods." " One of the Egyptian what ?" exclaimed the Mummy, starting to its feet. " Gods !" repeated the traveller. "Mr. Gliddon, I really am astonished to hear you talk in this style," said the Count, resuming his chair. " No nation upon the face of the earth has ever acknowledged more than one god. The Scaraboeus, the Ibis, etc., were with us, (as similar creatures 502 SOME WORDS WITH A MUMMY. have been with others) the symbols, or media, through which wo offered worship to the Creator too august to be more directly ap- proached." There was here" a pause. At length the colloquy was renewed by Doctor Ponnonner. " It is not improbable, then, from what you have explained," said he, "that among the catacombs near the Nile, there may exist other mummies of the Scaraboeus tribe, in a condition of vitality." " There can be no question of it," replied the Count ; " all the Scaraboei embalmed accidentally while alive, are alive. Even some of those purposely so embalmed, may have been overlooked by their executors, and still remain in the tombs." " Will you be kind enough to explain," I said, " what you mean by ' purposely so embalmed ?' " " With great pleasure," answered the Mummy, after surveying me leisurely through his eye-glass for it was the first time I had ventured to address him a direct question. "With great pleasure," he said. "The usual duration of man's life, in my time, was about eight hundred years. Few men died, unless by most extraordinary accident, before the age of six hun- dred ; few lived longer than a decade of centuries ; but eight were considered the natural term. After the discovery of the embalming principle, as I have already described it to you, it oc- curred to our philosophers that a laudable curiosity might be gratified, and, at the same time, the interests of science much ad- vanced, by living this natural term in instalments. In the case of history, indeed, experience demonstrated that something of this kind was indispensable. An historian, for example, having at- tained the age of five hundred, would write a book with great labor and then get himself carefully embalmed ; leaving instruc- tions to his executors pro. tern., that they should cause him to be revivified after the lapse of a certain period say five or six hun- dred years. Resuming existence at the expiration of this time, he would invariably find his great work converted into a species of hap-nazard note-book that is to say, into a kind of literary arena for the conflicting guesses, riddles, and personal squabbles of whole herds of exasperated commentators. These guesses, etc., which passed under the name of annotations, or emendations, were found SOME WORDS WITH A MUMMY. 503 so completely to have enveloped, distorted, and overwhelmed the text, that the author had to go about with a lantern to discover his own book. When discovered, it was never worth the trouble of the search. After re-writing it throughout, it was regarded as the boundeu duty of the historian to set himself to work, immedi- ately, in correcting from his own private knowledge and experi- ence, the traditions of the day concerning the epoch at which ho had originally lived. Now this process of re-scription and perso- nal rectification, pursued by various individual sages, from time to time, had the effect of preventing our history from degenerating into absolute fable." " I De o your pardon," said Doctoi Ponnonner at this point, lay ing his hand gently upon the arm of the Egyptian " I beg your pardon, sir, but may I presume to interrupt you for one mo- ment ?" " By all means, sir" replied the Count, drawing up. " I merely wished to ask you a question," said the Doctor. " You mentioned the historian's personal correction of traditions respecting his own epoch. Pray, sir, upon an average, what pro- portion of these Kabbala were usually found to be right ?" " The Kabbala, as you properly term them, sir, were generally discovered to be precisely on a par with the facts recorded in the un-re-written histories themselves ; that is to say, not one indi- vidual iota of either, was ever known, under any circumstances, to be not totally and radically wrong." " But since it is quite clear," resumed the Doctor, " that at least five thousand years have elapsed since your entombment, I take it for granted that your histories at that period, if not your traditions, were sufficiently explicit on that one topic of universal interest, the Creation, which took place, as I presume you are aware, only about ten centuries before." " Sir !" said the Count Allamistakeo. The Doctor repeated his remarks, but it was only after much additional explanation, that the foreigner could be made to com- prehend them. The latter at length said, hesitatingly : " The ideas you have suggested are to me, I confess, utterly novel. During my time I never knew any one to entertain so singular a fancy as that the universe (or this world if you will 504 SOME WORDS WITH A MUMMY. have it so,) ever had a beginning at all. I remember once, and once only, hearing something remotely hinted, by a man of many speculations, concerning the origin of the human race ; and by this individual, the very word Adam, (or Red Earth) which you make use of, was employed. He employed it, however, in a generical sense, with reference to the spontaneous germinatiop from rank soil (just as a thousand of the lower genera of crea tures are germinated) the spontaneous germination, I say, of five vast hordes of men, simultaneously upspringing in tive dis tinct and nearly equal divisions of the globe." Here, in general, the company shrugged their shoulders, and one or two of us touched our foreheads with a very significant air. Mr. Silk Buckingham, first glancing slightly at the occiput and then .at the siniciput of Allamistakeo, spoke as follows : " The long duration of human life in your time, together with the occasional practice of passing it, as you have explained, in instalments, must have had, indeed, a strong tendency to the gen- eral development and conglomeration of knowledge. I presume, therefore, that we are to attribute the marked inferiority of the old Egyptians in all particulars of science, when compared with the moderns, and more especially, with the Yankees, altogether to the superior solidity of the Egyptian skull." " I confess again," replied the Count, with much suavity, " that I am somewhat at a loss to comprehend you ; pray, to what par- ticulars of science do you allude ?" Here our whole party, joining voices, detailed, at great length, the assumptions of phrenology and the marvels of animal mag- netism. Having heard us to an end, the Count proceeded to relate a few anecdotes, which rendered it evident that prototypes of Gall and Sf urzheim had flourished and faded in Egypt so long ago as to have been nearly forgotten, and that the manoeuvres of Mes- mer were really very contemptible tricks when put in collation with the positive miracles of the Theban savans, who created lico and a great many other similar things. I here asked the Count if his people were able to calculate Hjlipses. He smiled rather contemptuously, and said they were. Tliis put me a little out, but I began to make other inquiries SOME WORDS WITH A MUMMY. 505 in regard to his astronomical knowledge, when a member of the company, who had never as yet opened his month, whispered in my ear, that for information on this head, I had better consult Ptolemy, (whoever Ptolemy is,) as well as, one Plutarch de facie lunct:. I then questioned the Mummy about burning-glasses and enses, and, in general, about the manufacture of glass ; but 1 had not made an end of my queries before the silent member aga'R touched me quietly on the elbow, and begged me for God's sake to take a peep at Diodorus Siculus. As for the Count, he merely asked me, in the way of reply, if we moderns possessed any such microscopes as would enable us to cut cameos in the style of the Egyptians. While I was thinking how I should an?wer this ques- tion, little Doctor Ponnonner committed himself in a very extra ordinary way. " Look at our architecture !" he exclaimed, greatly to the indig- nation of both the travellers, who pinched him black and blue to no purpose. "Look," he cried with enthusiasm, "at the Bowling-Green Foun- tain in New- York ! or if this be too vast a contemplation, regard for a moment the Capitol at Washington, D. C. !" and the good little medical man went on to detail, very minutely, the propor- tions of the fabric to which he referred. He explained that the portico alone was adorned with no less than four and twenty col umns, five feet in diameter, and ten feet apart. The Count said that he regretted not being able to remember, just at that moment, the precise dimensions of any one of tin principal buildings of the city of Aznac, whose foundations wer: laid in the night of Time, but the ruins of which were still stand ing, at the epoch of his entombment, in a vast plain of sand to the westward of Thebes. He recollected, however, (talking of porticoes) that one affixed to an inferior palace in a kind of suburb called Carnac, consisted of a hundred and forty-four columns, thirty-seven feet each in circumference, and twenty-five feet apart. The approach of this portico, from the Nile, was through an ave- nue two miles long, composed of sphynxes, statues and obelisks, twenty, sixty, and a hundred feet in height. The palace itself (aa well as he could remember) was, in one direction, two miles long. 506 SOME WORDS WITH A MUMMY. and might have been altogether, about seven in circuit. Its walls were richly painted all over, within and without, with hiero- glyphics. He would not pretend to assert that even fifty or sixty of the Doctor's Capitols might have been built within these walk, but he was by no means sure that two or three hundred of them might not have been squeezed in with some trouble. That palace at Carnac was an insignificant little building after all. He, (the hall be astonished." The routes of the pilgrims from Damas- REVIEW OF STEPHENS' ARABIA PETRJEA, ETC. 519 cus, and from Cairo to Mecca, the one on the east and the other towards the soutli of Edom, along the whole of its extent, go by it, or touch partially on its borders, without going through it. Not even, he says, the cases of Seetzen and Burckhardt can be urged against the literal fulfilment, although Seetzen actually did pass through Idumea, and Burckhardt traversed a consider- able portion of it. The former died not long after the coiople- tion of his journey ; and the latter never recovered from the effects of the hardships endured on the route dying at Cairo. "Neither of them," we have given the precise words of Mr. Keith, ' : lived to return to Europe. I will cut off from Mount Seir him that passeth out and him that returneth. Strabo men- tions that there was a direct road from Petra to Jericho, of three or four days' journey. Captains Irby and Mangles were eighteen days in reaching it from Jerusalem. They did not pass through Idumea, and they did return. Seetzen and Burckhardt did pass through it, and they did not return." " The words of the prediction," he elsewhere observes, " might well be understood as merely implying that Idumea would cease to be a thoroughfare for the commerce of the nations -which ad- joined it, and that its highly-frequented marts would be forsaken as centres of intercourse and trallic ; and easy would have been Ihe task of demonstrating its truth in this limited sense which skepticism itself ought not to be unwilling to authorize." Here is, no doubt, much inaccuracy and misunderstanding; and the exact boundaries of ancient Edom are, apparently, not borne in mind by the commentator. Idumea proper was, strictly speaking, only the mountainous tract of country east of the val- ley of El-Ghor. The Idumeans, if we rightly apprehend, did not get possession of any portion of the south of Judea till after the exile, and consequently until after the prophecies in question. They then advanced as far as Hebron, where they were arrested by the Maccabees. That " Seetzen actually did pa^s through Idumea," cannot therefore be asserted ; and thus much is in favor of the whole argument of Dr. Keith, while in contradiction to a O branch of that argument. The traveller in question (see his own Narrative,) pursuing his route on the east of the Dead Sea, proce ;ded no farther in this direction than to Kerek, when he 520 REVIEW OF STEPHENS' ARABIA TETK/EA, ETC. retraced his way afterwards going from Hebron to Monnl Sinai, over the desert eastward of Edom. Neither is it stricily correct that he " died not long after the completion of his jour- ney." Several years afterwards he was actively employed in Egypt, and finally died ; not from constitutional injury sustained from any former adventure, but, if \ve remember, from the effects of poison administered by his guide in a journey from Mocha into the heart of Arabia. \Ve see no ground either for the state- ment that Burckhardt owed his death to hardships endured in ]dumea. Having visited Petra, and crossed the western desert of Egypt in the year 1812, we find him, four years afterwards, sufficiently well, at Mount Sinai. He did not die until the close of 1817, and then of a diarrhoea brought about by the imprudent use of cold water. But let us dismiss these and some other instances of misstate- ment. It should not be a matter of surprise that, perceiving, as he no doubt did, the object of the circumstantiality of prophecy clearly seeing in how many wonderful cases its minuthe had been fulfilled, and withal being thoroughly imbued with a love of truth, and with that zeal which is becoming in a Christian, Dr. Keith should have plunged somewhat hastily or blindly into these in- quiries, and pushed to an improper extent the principle for which he contended. It should be observed that the passage cited just above in regard to Seetzen and Burckhardt, is given in a foot- note, and has the appearance of an after-thought, about whose propriety its author did not feel perfectly content. It is cer- tainly very difficult to reconcile the literal fulfilment of the pro- phecy with an acknowledgment militating so violently against it as we find in his own words " Seetzen actually did pass through Idumea, and Burckhardt travelled through a considerable portion of it." And what we are told subsequently in respect to Irby and Mangles, and Seetzen and Burckhardt that these did net pass through Idumea and did return, while those did pass through and did not return where a passage from Ezekiel is brought to sustain collaterally a passage from Isaiah is certainly not in the spirit of literal investigation ; partaking, indeed, somewhat of equivoque. But in regard to the possibility of the actual passage through REVIEW OF STEPHENS' ARABIA PETIl now briefly examine. Isaiah xxxiv. 10. n^ab " For an eternity," SST;X: " of eternities," T>x " not," "'y " moving about," : rnn " in it." " For an eternity of eternities (there shall) not (be any one) moving about in it." The literal meaning of " Pi3 " is " in it" not " through it." The participle " ^33> " refers to out moving to nnd fro or up and down, and is the same term which is ren- dered "current" as an epithet of money, in Genesis xxiii. 16 The prophet means that there shall be no marks of life in the land, no living being there, no one moving up and down in it : and are, of course, to be taken with the usual allowance for that hyperbole which is a main feature, and indeed the genius of the language. Ezekiel xxxv. 7. " and I will give," "in"rs " the mountain,"' 522 REVIEW OF STEPHENS' ARABIA PETR.ZEA, ETC. -PSUJ Seir," m^Tairb " for a desolation," n^bsi " and a desolation," ifi-crn "and I will cut off," SISES " from it," "OS " him that goeth," 3d} " and him that returneth." "And I will give mount Seir for an utter desolation, and wiii cut off from it him that passeth and repasseth therein." The reference here r, the same as in the previous passage, and the inhabitants of die land are alluded to as moving about therein, and actively employed in the business of life. The meaning of " passing and repassing" is sanctioned by Gesenius, s. v. vol. 2, p. 570, Leo's Trans. Compare Zachariah vii. 14, and ix. 8. There is something analogous in the Hebrew-Greek phrase, occurring in Acts ix. 28. Kai J]V /u,er' airoJv eicrTropeuouevos KCU CKTroptvo/Jitvos iv 'lfpovara.Xf]fj.. " And he was with them in Jerusalem coming in and going out." The Latin " versatus est" conveys the mean- ing precisely ; which is, that Saul, the new convert, was on inti- mate terms with the true believers in Jerusalem, moving about among them to and fro, or in and out. It is plain, therefore, that the words of the prophets, in both cases, and when literally con- strued, intend only to predict the general desolation and aban donment of the land. Indeed, it should have been taken into consideration, that a strict prohibition on the part of the Deity, of an entrance into, or passage through, Idumea, would have effectually cut off from mankind all evidence of this prior sen- tence of desolation and abandonment; the prediction itself being thus rendered a dead letter, when viewed in regard to its ulterior and most important purpose the dissemination of the faith. Mr. Stephens was strongly dissuaded from his design. Almost the only person who encouraged him was Mr. Gliddon, our con- sul ; and but for him the idea would have been abandoned. The dangers indeed were many, and the difficulties more. By good fortune, however, the sheik of Akaba was then at Cairo. The great yearly caravan of pilgrims for Mecca was assembling be- neath (he walls, and he had been summoned by the pacha to es- cort and protect them through the desert as far as Akaba. Hfl REVIEW OF STEPHENS' ARABIA PETRJSA, ET'J. 523 was the chief of a powerful tribe of Bedouins, maintaining, in all its vigor, the independence of their race, and bidding defiance to the pacha, while they yielded him such obedience as comported with their own immediate interests. AVith this potentate our traveller entered into negotiation. The precise service required of him was, to conduct Mr. Stephens from Akaba to Hebron, through the land of Edom, diverging to visit the excavated city of Petra, a journey of about ten days. A very indefinite arrangement was at length made. Mr. Ste- phens, after visiting Mount Sinai, was to repair to Akaba, where lie would meet the escort of the Bedouin. With a view to pro- tection on his way from Cairo to the Holy Mountain, the latter gave him his signet, which he told him would be respected by all Arabs on the route. The arrangements for the journey as far as Mount Sinai had been made for our traveller by Mr. Gliddon. A Bedouin was procured as guide who had been with M. Laborde to Petra, and whose faith, as well as capacity, could be depended upon. The caravan consisted of eight camels and dromedaries, with three young Arabs as drivers. The tent was the common tent of the Egyptian soldiers, bought at the government factory, being very light, ensily carried and pitched. The bedding was a mattress and coverlet : provision, bread, biscuit, rice, macaroni, tea, coffee, dried apricots, oranges, a roasted leg of mutton, and two large skins containing the filtered water of the Nile. Thus equipped, the party struck immediately into the desert lying between Cairo and Suez, reaching the latter place, with but little incident, after a journey of four clays. At Suez, our traveller, wearied with his experiment of the dromedary, made an attempt to hire a boat, with a view of proceeding down the Red Sea to Tor, supposed to be the Elino, or place of palm-trees mentioned in the Exodus of the Israelites, and only two days' journey from Mount Sinai. The boats, however, were all taken by pilgrims, and none could be procured at least for so long a voyage. He accordingly sent off his camels round the head of the gulf, and crossing himself by water, met them on the Petrean side of the sea. " I am aware," says Mr. Stephens, " that there is some dispute as to the precise spot where Moses crossed ; but having no time 524 REVIEW OF STEPHENS' ARABIA PETR.EA, ETC. lor skepticism on such matters, I began by making up my mind that this was the place, and then looked around to see whether, according to the account given in the Bible, the face of the coun- try and the natural landmarks did not sustain my opinion. I remember I looked up to the head of the gulf, where Suez or Kolsum now stands, and saw that almost to the very head of the gulf there was a high range of mountains which it would be ne- cessary to cross, an undertaking which it would have been phy- sically impossible for 600,000 people, men, women, and children to accomplish, with a hostile army pursuing them. At Suez, Moses could not have been hemmed in as he was ; he could g_o otf into the Syrian desert, or, unless the sea has greatly changed since that time, round the head of the gulf. But here, directly opposite where I sat, was an opening in the mountains, making a clear passage from the desert to the shore of the sea. It is admitted that from the earliest history of the country, there was a caravan route from the Kameseh of the Pharaohs to this spot, and it was perfectly clear to my mind that, if the account be true at all, Moses had taken that route ; that it was directly opposite me, between the two mountains, whei'e he had come down with his multitude to the shore, and that it was there he had found himself hemmed in, in the manner described in the Bible, with the sea before him, and the army of Pharaoh in his rear ; it was there he stretched out his hand and divided the waters ; ajid probably on the very spot where I sat the children of Israel had kneeled upon the sands to offer thanks to God for his mira- culous interposition. The distance, too, was in confirmation of this opinion. It was about twenty miles across : the distance which that immense multitude, with their necessary baggage, could have passed in the space of time (a night) mentioned in the Bible. Besides my own judgment and conclusions, I had authority on the spot, in my Bedouin Toualeb, who talked of it with as much certainty as it' he had seen it himself; and by the waning light of the moon, pointed out the metes and bounds according to the tradition received from his fathers." Mr. Stephens is here greatly in error, and has placed himself in direct opposition to all authority on the subject. It is quite evident, that since the days of the miracle, the sea has ' greutly REVIEW OF STEPHENS' ARABIA PETILEA, ETC. 535 .hanged" round the head of the gulf. It is now several feet lower, as appears from the alluvial condition of several bitter lakes in the vicinity. On this topic Niebuhr, who examined the matter with his accustomed learning, acumen, and perseverance is indisputable authority. But he merely agrees with all the most able writers on this head. The passage occurred at Suez. The chief arguments sustaining this position are deduced from the ease by which the miracle could have been wrought, on a sea so shaped, by means of a strong wind blowing from the north- east. Resuming his journey to the southward, our traveller passed safely through a barren and mountainous region, bare of verdure, and destitute of water, in about seven days to Mount Sinai. It is to be regretted, that in his account of a country so little tra- versed as this peninsula, Mr. Stephens has not entered more into detail. Upon his adventures at the Holy Mountain, which are of great interest, he dwells somewhat at length. At Akaba he met the Sheik as by agreement. A horse of the best breed of Arabia was provided, and, although suffering from ill health, he proceeded manfully through the desert to Petra and Mount Ilor. The difficulties of the route proved to be chiefly those arising from the rapacity of his friend, the Slieik of Akaba, who threw a thousand impediments in his way with the purpose of magnifying the importance of the service rendered, and ob- taining, in consequence, the larger allowance of bucksheesh. The account given of Petra agrees in all important particulars with those rendered by the very few travellers who had previ- ously visited it. With these accounts our readers are sufficiently acquainted. The singular character of the city, its vast antiquity, its utter loss, for more than a thousand years, to the eyes of the civilized world ; and, above all, the solemn denunciations of pro- phecy regarding it, have combined to invest these ruins with an interest beyond that of any others in existence, and to render what has been written concerning them familiar knowledge to nearly every individual who reads. Leaving Petra, after visiting Mount Ilor, Mr. Stephens re- turned to the valley of El-Ghor, and fell into the caravan route for Ga/a, which crosses the valley obliquely Coming out from 526 REVIEW OF STEPHENS' ARABIA PETR^EA ETC. the ravine among the mountains to the westward, he here left the road to Gaza, and pushed immediately on to Hebron. This distance (between the Gaza route and Hebron) is, we believe, the only positively new route accomplished by our American tourist. We understand that, in 1826, Messieurs Strangewaya and Anson passed over the ground, on the Gaza road from Petra, to the point where it deviates for Hebron. On the part of Mr. Stephens's course, which we have thus designated as new, it is well known that a great public road existed in the later days of the Roman empire, and that several cities were located immedi- ately upon it. Mr. Stephens discovered some ruins, but his state of health, unfortunately, prevented a minute investigation. Those which he encountered are represented as forming rude and shape- less masses ; there were no columns, no blocks of marble, or other large stones, indicating architectural greatness. The Pentinger Tables place Helusa in this immediate vicinity, and, but for the character of the ruins seen, we might have supposed them to be the remnants of that city. The latter part of our author's second volume is occupied with his journeyings in the Holy Land, and, principally, with an ac- count of his visit to Jerusalem. What relates to the Dead Sea we are induced to consider as, upon the whole, the most interest- ing, if not the most important portion of his book. It was his original intention to circumnavigate this lake, but the difficulty of procuring a boat proved an obstacle not to be surmounted. He traversed, nevertheless, no little extent of its shores, bathed in it, saw distincly that the Jordan does mingle with its waters, and that birds floated upon it, and flew over its surface. But it is time that we conclude. Mr. Stephens passed through Samaria and Galilee, stopping at Nablous, the ancient Sychem ; the burial-place of the patriarch Joseph ; and the ruins of Se- baste ; crossed the battle-plain of Jezreel; ascended Mount Ta- bor ; visited Nazareth, the lake of Genesareth, the cities of Tibe- rias and Saphet, Mount Carmel, Acre, Sour, and Sidon. At Beyroot he took passage for Alexandria, and thence, finally re turned to Europe. The volumes are written in general with a freedom, a frank- ness, and an utter absence of pretension, which will secure, them REVIEW OF STEPHENS' ARABIA PETRjEA, ETC. 527 the respect and good-will of all parties. The author professes to have compiled his narrative merely from " brief notes and re- collections," admitting that he has probably fallen into errors re- garding facts and impressions errors he has been prevented from seeking out and correcting by the urgency of other occupa- tions since his return. We have, therefore, thought it quite as well not to trouble our readers, in this cursory review, with re- ferences to parallel travels, now familiar, and \\hose merits and demerits are sufficiently well understood. We take leave of Mr. Stephens with sentiments of hearty respect. We hope it is not the last time we shall hear from him. He is a traveller with whom we shall like to take oilier journeys. Equally free from the exaggerated sentimentality of Chateaubriand, or the sublimated, the too French enthusiasm of Lamartine on the one hand, and on the other from the degrad- ing spirit of utilitarianism, which sees in mountains and water- falls only quarries and manufacturing sites, Mr. Stephens writes like a man of good sense and sound feeling. MAGAZINE-WRITING.-PETEB SNOOK. IN a late number of the Democratic Review, there appeared a very excellent paper (by Mr. Duyckinck) on the subject of Magazine Literature a subject much less thoroughly compre- hended here than either in France or in England. In America, we compose, now and then, agreeable essays and other matters of that character but we have not yet caught the true Magazine spirit a thing neither to be defined nor described. Mr. Duyck- inck's article, although piquant, is not altogether to our mind. We think he places too low an estimate on the capability of the Magazine paper. He is inclined to undervalue its power to limit unnecessarily its province which is illimitable. In fact, it is in the extent of subject, and not less in the extent or variety of tone, that the French and English suipass us, to so good a pur- pose.- How very rarely are we struck with an American Maga- zine article, as with an absolute novelty how frequently the foreign articles so affect us ! We are so circumstanced as to be unable to pay for elaborate compositions and, after all, the true invention is elaborate. There is no greater mistake than the supposition that a true originality is a mere matter of impulse or inspiration. To originate, is carefully, patiently, and understand- ingly to combine. The few American Magazinists who ever think of this elaboration at all, cannot afford to carry it into practice for the paltry prices offered them by our periodical publishers. For this and other glaring reasons, we are behind the age in a very important branch of literature a branch which, moreover, is daily growing in importance and which, in the end MAGAZINE-WRITING PETER SNOOK. 529 (not far distant), will be the most influential of all the departments of Letters. We are lamentably deficient, not only in invention proper, but in that which is, more strictly, art. What American, for instance, in penning a criticism, ever supposes himself called upon to pre- sent his readers with more than the exact stipulation of his title to present them with a criticism and something beyond? Who thinks of making his critique a work of art in itself indepen- dently of its critical opinions? a work of art, such as are all the more elaborate, and most effective reviews of Macaulay ? Yet, these reviews we have evinced no incapacity to appreciate, when presented. The best American review ever penned is miserably ineffective when compared with the notice of Montagu's Bacon and yet this latter is, in general, a piece of tawdry sophistry, owing everything to a consummate, to an exquisite arrangement to a thorough and just sufficiently comprehensive diffuseness to a masterly climating of points to a style which dazzles the understanding with its brilliancy but not more than it misleads it by its perspicuity causing us so distinctly to comprehend that we fancy we coincide in a word, to the perfection of art of all the art which a Macaulay can wield, or which is applicable to any criticism that a Macaulay could write. It is, however, in the composition of that class of Magazine papers which come, properly, under the head of Tales, that we evince the most remarkable deficiency in skill. If we except, first, Mr. Hawthorne rsecondly, Mr. Simms thirdly, Mr. Wil- lis and fourthly, one or two others, whom we may as well put mentally together without naming them there is not even a respectably skilful tale-writer on this side the Atlantic. We have seen, to be sure, many very well-constructed stories indi- vidual specimens the work of American Magazinists; but these specimens have invariably appeared to be happy accidents of construction ; their authors, in subsequent tales, having always evinced an incapacity to construct. We have been led to a comparison of the American witli the British ability in tale-writing, by a perusal of some Magazine papers, the composition of the author of " Chartley," and " The Invisible Gentleman." He is one of the best of the English 530 MAGAZINE-WRITING- PETER SNOOK. journalists, and has some of the happiest peculiarities of Dickens, whom he preceded in the popular favor. The longest and best of his tales, properly so called, is " Peter Snook," and this pre- sents so many striking points for the consideration of the Maga- zinist, that we feel disposed to give an account of it in full. Peter Snook, the hero, and the beau ideal of a Cockney, is a retail linen-draper in Bi.shopgate street. He is, of course, u stupid and conceited, although, at bottom, a very good little fellow, and " always looks as if he was frightened." Matters go on very thrivingly with him, until he becomes acquainted with Miss Clarinda Bodkin, " a young lady owning to almost thirty, and withal a great proficient in the mysteries of millinery and mantua-making." Love and ambition, however, set the little gentleman somewhat beside himself. " If Miss Clarinda would but have me," says he, " we might divide the shop, and have a linen-drapery side, and a haberdashery and millinery side, and one would help the other. There'd be only one rent to pay, and a double business and it would be so comfortable, too !" Think- ing thus, Peter commences a flirtation, to which Miss Clarinda but doubtfully responds. He escorts the lady to White Conduit House, Bagnigge Wells, and other genteel places of public resort and, finally, is so rash as to accede to the proposition, on her part, of a trip to Margate. At this epoch of the narrative, the writer observes that the subsequent proceedings of the hero are gathered from accounts rendered by himself, when called upon, after the trip, for explanation. It is agreed that Miss Clarinda shall set out alone for Margate Mr. Snook following her, after some indispensable arrange- ments. These occupy him until the middle of July, at which period, taking passage in the " Rose in June," he safely reaches his destination. But various misfortunes here await him, mis- fortunes admirably adapted to the meridian of Cockney feeling, and the capacity of Cockney endurance. His umbrella, for example, and a large brown paper parcel, containing a new pea- green coat and flower-patterned embroidered silk waistcoat, arc tumbled into the water at the landing-place, and Miss Bodkin forbids him her presence in his old clothes. By a tumble of his own, too, the skin is rubbed from both his shin for several MAGAZINE-WRITING PETER SNOOK. 531 inches, and the surgeon, having no regard to the lover's cotillon engagements, enjoinj on him a total abstinence from dancing. A cock-chafer, moreover, is at the trouble of flying into one of his eyes, and (worse than all) a tall military-looking shoemaker, Mr. Last, has taken advantage of the linen-draper's delay in reaching Margate, to ingratiate himself with his mistress. Finally, he is cut by Last, and rejected by the lady, and has nothing left for it, but to secure a homeward passage in the " Rose in June." In the evening of the second day after his departure, the vessel drops anchor off Greenwich. Most of the passengers go ashore, with the view of taking the stage to the city. Peter, however, who considers that he has already spent money enough to no purpose, prefers remaining on board. '' We shall get to Billings- gate," says he, " while I am sleeping, and I shall have plenty of time to go home and dress, and go into the city and borrow the trifle I may want for Pester and Company's bill, that comes due the day after to-morrow." This determination is a source of much trouble to our hero, as will be seen in the sequel. Some shopmen who remain with him in the packet, tempt him to un- usual indulgences, in the way, first, of brown stout, and, secondly, of positive French brandy. The consequence is, that Mr. Snook falls, thirdly, asleep, and, fourthly, overboard. About dawn on the morning after this event, Ephraim Hob>on, the confidential clerk and factotum of Mr. Peter Snook, is dis- turbed from a sound sleep by the sudden appearance of his mas- ter. That gentleman seems to be quite in a bustle, and delights Ephraim with an account of a whacking wholesale order for exportation just received. " Not a word to anybody about the matter !" exclaims Peter, with unusual emphasis. " It's such an opportunity as don't come often in a man's life-time. There's a captain of a ship he's the owner of her, too; but never mind! there an't time to enter into particulars now, but you'll know all by and bye all you have to do, is to do as I tell you so, come along !" Setting Ephraim to work, with direction:- to pack up imme- diately all the goods in the shop, with the exception of a few trifling articles, the master avows his intention of going into the city, " to borrow enough money to make up Fester's bill, due to- 532 MAGAZINE-WRITING PETER SNOOK. morrow." "I don't think you'll want much, Sir," replied Mr Ilobsoa with a self-complacent air. " I've been looking about long-winded 'uns, you see, since you've been gone, and I've got Shy's money and Slack's account, which we'd pretty well given up for a bad job, and one or two more. There, there's the list and there's the key to the strong box, where you'll find the money, besides what I've took at the counter." Peter, at this, seems well pleased, and shortly afterwards goes out, saying, he cannot tell when he'll be back, and, giving directions that what- ever goods may be sent in during his absence, shall be left un- touched till his return. It appears that, after leaving his shop, Mr. Snook proceeded to tliat of Jobb, Flashbill & Co., (one of whose clerks, on board the " Rose in June," had been very liberal in supplying our hero Avilh brandy on the night of his ducking.) looked over a large quantity of ducks and other goods, and finally made purchase of " a choice assortment," to be delivered the same day. His next visit was to Mr. Bluff, the managing partner in the banking- house where he usually kept his cash. His business now was to request permission to overdraw a hundred pounds for a f<:w days. " Humph, 1 ' said Mr. Bluff", " money is very scarce ; but Bless me ! yes it's lie! Excuse me a minute, Mr. Snook, there's a gentleman at the front counter whom I want particularly to speak to I'll be back with you directly." As he uttered these words, he rushed out, and, in passing one of the clerks on his way forward, he whispered, " Tell Scribe to look at Snook's account, and lot me know directly." He, then, went to the front counter, where several people were waiting to pay and receive money. " Fine weather this, Mr. Butt. What ! you're not out of town like the rest of them !" " No." replied Mr. Butt, who kept a thriving gin-shop, " no, I sticks to .my business make hay while the sun shines that's my maxim. Wife up at night I" up early in the morning." The banker chatted and listened with great apparent interest, till the rlosing of a huge book on which he kept his eye, told him that his whispered order had been attended to. He then took a gracious leave of Mr. Butt, and returned back to the counting-house with a slip of paper, adroitly put in his hand while passing, on which was written, " Peter Snook, Linen Draper, Bishopgate Street old account increasing gradually balance: 153 15s. Cif. very regular." " Sorry to keep you wai'.ing, Mr. Snook," said he, " but MAGAZINE-WETTING PETER SNOOK. 533 ivc must catch people when we can. Well, what is it you wore saying you wanted us to do T' " I should like to be able to overdraw just for a few days," replied Peter " How much 1" " A hundred." " Won't fifty do 1" " No, not quite, sir." ' Well, you're an honest fellow, and don't come bothering us often ; so, I sippose we must not be too particular with you for this once." Leaving Bluff, Mr. Snook hurries to overtake Mr. Butt, the dealer in spirits, who had just left the banking-house before himself, and to give that gentleman an order for a hogshead of the best gin. As he is personally unknown to Mr. Butt, he hands him a card, on which is written, " Peter Snook, linen and muslin ware house, No. , Bishopgate Street within," &c., &c., and takes occasion to mention that he purchases at the recommenda- tion of Mr. Bluif. The gin is to be at Queenhithe the same even- ing. The spirit-dealer, as soon as his new customer has taken leave, revolves in his mind the oddity of a linen draper's buying a hogshead of gin, and determines to satisfy himself of Mr. Snook's responsibility by a personal application to Mr. Bluif. On reaching the bank, however, he is told by the clerks that Mr. Bluff, being in attendance upon a committee of the House of Commons, will not be home in any reasonable time but also that Peter Snook is a perfectly safe man. The gin is according- ly sent ; and several other large orders for different goods, upon other houses, are promptly fulfilled in the same manner. Mean- time, Ephraini is busily engaged at home in receiving and inspecting the invoices of the various purchases as they arrive, at which employment he is occupied until dusk, when his master makes his appearance in unusually high spirits. We must here be pardoned for copying some passages : " Well, Ephraim," he exclaimed, " this looks something like business You havn't had such a job this many a day! Shop looks well now, eh?" " You know best, sir," replied Hobson. " But hang me if I an't frighten ed. When we shall sell all these goods. I'm sure I can't think. You talked of having a haberdashery side to the shop ; but if we go on at (his rate, we shall want another side for ourselves ; I'm sure I don't know where His* is to bo put." r>U MAGAZINE-WRITING I'ETEIl SNOOK. "She go to Jericho !" said Peter contemptuously. " As for the goods, ray boy, they'll be gone before to-morrow morning. All you and I have jjot to do, is to pack 'em up ; so, let us turn to, and strap at it." Packing was Ephraim's favorite employment, but, on the present occasion, he set to work with a heavy heart. His master, on the contrary, appeared full of life and spirits, and corded boxes, sewed up trusses, and packed huge paper parcels with a celerity and an adroitness truly wonderful. ' Why, you don't get on, Hobsun." he exclaimed ; " see what I've done ! Where's the ink-pot ] ; oh, here it is !" and he proceeded to mark his packagoa with his initials, and the letter G below. " There, >r he resumed, " P. S. G. ; that's for me, at Gravesend. I'm to meet the Captain and owner there , show the goods if there's any he don't like, shall bring 'em back with me ; get bills bankers' acceptances for the rest ; see 'cm safe on board ; then- bat not before, mind that, Master Ephraim ! No, no, keep my weather eye open, as the men say on board the " Rose in June." By-t'he-bye, I havn't told you yet about my falling overboard, whap into the river." " Falling overboard !" exclaimed the astonished shopman, quitting his occupation to stand erect and listen. " Ay, ay," continued Peter ' see it won't do to tell you long stories now. There mark that truss, will you 1 Know all about it some day. Lucky job, though tell you that : got this thundering order by it. Had one tumble, first, going off, at Margate. Spoilt my peagreen never mind that was a lucky tumble, too. Hadn't been for that, shouldn't so soon have found out the game a certain person was playing with me. 'She go to Jericho !" But for the frequent repetition of this favorite expression, Ephraim Hob- son has since declared he should have doubted his master's identity during the whole of that evening, as there was something very singular about him . and his strength and activity in moving the bales, boxes, and trusses, were such as he had never previously exhibited. The phrase condemning this that, or the other thing or person to " go to Jericho." was the only expres- sion that he uttered, as the shopman said, '' naturally," and Peter repeated that whimsical anathema as often as usual. The goods' being all packed up, carts arrive to carry them away ; and, by half-past ten o'clock, the shop is entirely cleared, with the exception of some trifling articles, to make show on ihe shelves and counters. Two hackney coaches are called. Mr. i'eter Snook gets into one with a variety of loose articles, which would require too much time to pack, and his shopman info : another with some more. Arriving at Queenhithe, they find all (he goods previously sent, already embarked in the hold of a long- decked barge, which lies near the shore. Mr. Snook now insists apon Ephraim's going on board, and taking supper and some hot MAGAZINE-WRITING PETER SXOOK. 533 rum and water. This advice he follows to so good purpose, that he is, at length, completely bewildered, when his master, taking him up in his arms, carries him on shore, and there, setting him down, leaves him to make the best of his way home as he can. About eight, the next morning, Ephraim, awaking, of course, in a sad condition, both of body and mind, sets himself imme- diately about arranging the appearance of the shop, " so as to secure the credit of the concern." In spite of all his ingenuity, however, it maintains a poverty-stricken appearance, which circumstance excites some most unreasonable suspicions in the mind of Mr. Bluff's clerk, upon his calling at ten, with Pestet & Co.'s bill, (three hundred and sixteen pounds, seventeen shillings,) and receiving, by way of payment, a check upon his own banking house for the amount Mr. Snook having written this check before his departure with the goods, and left it with Ephraim. On reaching the bank, therefore, the clerk inquires if Peter Snook's check is good for three hundred and sixteen pounds odd, and is told that it is not worth a farthing, Mr. S. having overdrawn for a hundred. While Mr. Bluff and his as- sistants are conversing on this subject, Butt, the gin-dealer, calls to thank the banker for having recommended him a customer which the banker denies having done. An explanation ensues, and " stop thief!" is the cry. Ephraim is sent for, and reluctant- ly made to tell all he knows of his master's proceedings on the day before by which means a knowledge is obtained of the other houses, who (it is supposed) have been swindled. Getting a description of the barge which conveyed the goods from Queen- bkhe, the whole party of the creditors now set off in pursuit. About dawn, the next morning, they overtake the barge, a little below Gravesend when lour men are observed leaving her, and rowing to the shore in a skiff. Peter Snook is found sitting quietly in the cabin, and, although apparently a little surprised at seeing Mr. Pester, betrays nothing like embarrass- ment or fear. ''Ah, Mr. Pester! is it you? Glad to sec you, sir! So you've been taking a trip out o' town, and are going back with usl We shall get to Billingsgate between eight and nine, they say ; and I hope it won't be later ( as I've a bill of yours comes due to-day, and 1 want to be at home in time U write a check for it." , 536 MAGAZINE-WRITINGPETER SNOOK. Tlw goods are also found on board, together with three men in the huld, gagged and tied hand and foot. They give a strange account of themselves. Being in the employ of Mr. Heaviside, a lighterman, they were put in charge of " The Flitter," when she was hired by Peter Snook, for a trip to Gravesend. Accord- ing to their orders, they took the barge, in the first instance, to a wharf, near Queenhithe, and helped to load her with some goods brought down in carts. Mr. Snook, afterwards, came on board, bringing with him two fierce looking men, and " a little man with a hooked nose." (Ephraim.) Mr. S. and the little man, then, "had a sort of jollification" in the cabin, till the latter got drunk and was carried ashore. They then proceeded down the river nothing particular occurring till they had passed Greenwich Hospital, when Mr. S. ordered them to lay the barge alongside a large black-sided ship. No sooner was the order obeyed than they were boarded by a number of men from said ship, who seized them, bound them, gagged them and put them in the hold. The immediate consequence of this information is, that Peter is bound, gagged, and put down into the hold in the same man- Tier, by way of retaliation, and for safe keeping on his way back to the city. On the arrival of the party, a meeting of the credi- tors is called. Peter appears before them in a great rage, and with the air of an injured man. Indeed, his behavior is so mal a propos to his situation as entirely to puzzle his interrogators. He accuses the whole party of a conspiracy. '' Peter Snook," said Mr. Poster solemnly, from the chair, -'that look does not become you after what has passed. Let me advise you to conduct your- self with propriety. You will find that the best policy, depend on't. 1 ' " A pretty thing for you, for to come to talk of propriety !" exclaimed Peter; ' you, that seed me laid hold on by a set of ruffians, and never said a word, nor given information a'terwards ! And here have I been kept away from business I don't know how long, and shut up like a dog in a kennel ; hut I look upon't you were at the bottom of it all you and that fellow with the plum-pudding face, as blowed me up about a cask of gin ! What you both mean by it, I can't think ; but if there's any law in the land, I'll make you remember it, both of you that's what I will !" . Mr. Snook swears that he never saw Jobb in his life, except MAGAZINE-WRITINGPETER SNOOK. 587 on the occasion of his capture in " The Flitter," and positively denies having looked out any parcel of goods at the house of Jobb, Flashbill & Co. With the banker, Mr. Bluff, he acknow- ledges an acquaintance but not having drawn for the two hun- dred and seventy pounds odd, or having ever overdrawn for a shilling in his life. Moreover, he is clearly of opinion that the banker has still in his hands more than a hundred and fifty pounds of his (Mr. Snook's) money. He can designate several gentlemen as being no creditors of his, although they were of the number of those from whom his purchases had been made for the " whacking " shipping out, and although their goods were found in " The Flitter." E)phraim is summoned, and testifies to all the particulars of his master's return, and the subsequent packing, cart-loading, and embarkation as already told account- ing for the extravagances of Mr. Snook as being " all along of that Miss Bodkin." 'Lor 1 , master, hi's glad to see you agin," exclaimed Ephrahn. "Who'd ha' thought as 'twould come to this ?" ''Come to what]" cried Peter. ' I'll make 'em repent of it, every man Jack of em, before I've done, if there's law to be had for love or money !'' " Ah. sir," said Ephraim, '* we'd better have stuck to the retail. I was afraid that shipping consarn wouldn't answer, and tell'd you so. if you re collect, but you wouldn't harken to me." " What shipping concern !" inquired Peter, with a look of amazement. "La ! master," exclaimed Ephraim, " it aint of any use to pretend to keep \t a secret now, when everybody knows it. I didn't tell Mr. Pester, though, '.ill the last, when all the goods was gone out of the shop, and the sheriff's derived much information in regard to furs, and the manner of conducting I he trade. Subsequently, he accompanied this gentle- man to New York, and, by his advice, invested the proceeds of his merchandise in peltries. With these, he sailed to London, and, having disposed of his adventure advantageously, he re- turned the same year (1784) to New York, with a view of settling in the United States, and prosecuting the business thus commenced. Mr. Aster's beginnings in this way were necessarily small but his perseverance was indomitable, his integrity un- impeachable, and his economy of the most rigid kind. li To these," says Mr. Irving, " were added an aspiring spirit, that al- ways looked upward; a genius bold, fertile, and expansive; a sagacity quick to grasp and convert every circumstance to its advantage, and a singular and never wavering confidence of Eignal success." These opinions are more than re-echoed by the whole crowd of Mr. Astor's numerous acquaintances and friends, and are most strongly insisted upon by those who have the pleasure of knowing him best. In the United States, the fur trade was not yet sufficiently or- ganized to form a regular line of business. Mr. A. made annual visits to Montreal for the purpose of buying peltries ; and, as no direct trade was permitted from Canada to any country but England, he shipped them, when bought, immediately to London. This difficulty being removed, however, by the treaty of 171)5, he made a contract for furs with the North-West Company, and imported them from Montreal into the United States -thence, shipping a portion to different parts of Europe, as well as to the principal market in China. By the treaty just spoken of, the British possessions on our side of the Lakes were given up, and an opening made for the American fur-trader on the confines of Canada, and within the territories of the United States. Here, Mr. Astor, about the year 1807, adventured largely on his own account; his increased capital now placing him among the chief of American merchants The influence of the Mackinaw Company, however, proved toe much for him, and he was induced to consider the means of entering into successful competition. He was aware of the wish 554 ASTORIA. of the Government to concentrate the fur-trade within its boun- daries in the hands of its own citizens; and he now offered, if national aid or protection should be afforded, " to turn the whole of the trade into American channels." He was invited to unfold his plans, and they were warmly approved, but, we believe, little more. The countenance of the Government was, nevertheless, of much importance, and, in 1809, he procured, from the legis- lature of New York, a charter, incorporating a company, under the name of the " American Fur Company," with a capital of one million of dollars, and the privilege of increasing it to two He himself constituted the Company, and furnished the capital. The board of directors was merely nominal, and the whole business was conducted with his own resources, and according to his own will. We here pass over Mr. Irving's lucid, although brief account of the fur-trade in the Pacific, of Russian and American enter- prise on the North-western coast, and of the discovery by Captain Gray, in 1792, of the mouth of the river Columbia. lie proceeds to speak of Captain Jonathan Carver, of the British provincial army. In 17 60, shortly after the acquisition of the Canadas by Great Britain, this gentleman projected a journey across the continent, between the forty-third and forty-sixth degrees of northern latitude, to the shores of the Pacific. His objects were " to ascertain the breadth of the continent at its broadest part, and to determine on some place on the shores of the Pacific, where Government might establish a post to facilitate the dis- covery of a North-west passage, or a communication between Hudson's Bay and the Pacific Ocean." He failed twice in indi- vidual attempts to accomplish this journey. In 1774, Richard "Whitworth, a member of Parliament, came into this scheme of Captain Carver's. These two gentlemen determined to take with them fifty or sixty men, artificers and mariners, to proceed up one of the branches of the Missouri, find the source of the Oregon, (the Columbia,) and sail down the river to its mouth. Here, a fort was to be erected, and the vessels built necessary to rarry into execution their purposed discoveries by sea. The British Government sanctioned the plan, and everything was ASTORIA. 5.->o ready tor the undertaking, when the American Revolution pre- vented it. The expedition of Sir Alexander Mackenzie is well known. In 1703, he crossed the continent, and reached the Pacific Ocessn in latitude 52 20' 48". In latitude 52 30', he partially descend- ed a river flowing to the South, and which he erroneously sup- posed to be the Columbia. Some years afterwards, he published an account of his journey, and suggested the policy of opening an intercourse between the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans, and forming regular establishments ' k through the interior and at both extremes, as well as along the coasts and islands." Thus, he thought the entire command of the fur trade of North America might be obtained from latitude 48 north to the pole, excepting that portion held by the Russians. As to the " American ad- venturers" along the coast, he spoke of them as entitled to but little consideration. " They would instantly disappear," he said, " before a well regulated trade." Owing to the jealousy existing between the Hudson's Bay and North-west Company, this idea of Sir Alexander Mackenzie's was never carried into execution. The successful attempt of Messieurs Lewis and Clarke was accomplished, it will be remembered, in 1804. Their course was that proposed by Captain Carver in 1774. They passed up the Missouri to its head waters, crossed the Rocky Mountains, discovered the source of the Columbia, and followed that river down to its mouth. Here they spent the winter, and retraced their steps in the spring. Their reports declared it practicable to establish a line of communication across the continent, and first inspired Mr. Astor with the design of " grasping with his individual hands this great enterprise, which, for years, had been dubiously, yet desirously contemplated by powerful associatioi.s and maternal governments." His scheme was gradually matured. Its main features were as follows. A line of trading posts was to be established along the Missouri and Columbia, to the mouth of the latter, where was to be founded the chief mart. On all the tributary streams throughout this immense route were to be situated inferior posts trading directly with the Indians for their peltries. All these posts would draw upon the mart at the Columbia for their 556 ASTORIA. supplies of goods, and would send thither the furs collected. At this latter place also, were to be built and fitted out coasting vcs- self, for the purpose of trading along the North-west coast, re- turning with the proceeds of their voyages to the same general rendezvous. In this manner, the whole Indian trade, both of the coast and the interior, would converge to one point. To this point, in continuation of his plan, Mr. Astor proposed to despatch, every year, a ship with the necessary supplies. She would receive the peltries collected, carry them to Canton, there invest the proceeds in merchandise, and return to New York. Another point was also to be attended to. In coasting to the North-west, the ship would be brought into contact with the Russian Fur Company's establishments in that quarter; and, as a rivalry might ensue, it was politic to conciliate the good will of that body. It depended chiefly, for its supplies, upon transient trading vessels from the United States. The owners of these vessels, having nothing beyond their individual interests to con- sult, made no scruple of furnishing the natives with fire arms, and were thus productive of much injury. To this effect, the Russian government had remonstrated with the United States, urging to have the traffic in arms prohibited but. no municipal law being infringed, our government could not interfere. Still, it was anxious not to offend Russia, and applied to Mr. Astor for information as to the means of remedying the evil, knowing him to be well versed in all frhe concerns of the trade in question. This application suggested to him the idea of paying a regular visit to the Russian settlements with his annual ship. Thus, being kept regularly in supplies, they would be independent of" the casual traders, who would, consequently, be excluded from the coast. This whole scheme, Mr. Astor communicated to President Jefferson, soliciting the countenance of Government. The cabinet "joined in warm approbation of the. plan, and held out assurance of every protection that could, consistently with general policy, be afforded." In speaking of the motives which actuated Mr. Astor in an enterprise so extensive, Mr. Irving, we are willing to believe, ba? done that high-minded gentleman no more that the simplest species of justice. " He was already," says our author, " wealthy ASTORIA. 557 beyond the ordinary desires of man, but he now aspired lo that honorable fame which is awarded to men of similar scope of mind, who, by their great commercial enterprises, have enriched nations, peopled wildernesses, and extended the bounds of empire. He considered his projected establishment at the mouth of the Columbia, as the emporium to an immense commerce; as a colony that would form the germ of a wide civilization ; that would, in fact, carry the American population across the Rocky Mountains, and spread it along the shores of the Pacific, as it already animated the shores of the Atlantic." A few words in relation to the North-west company. This body, following out in part the suggestion of Sir Alexander Mac- kenzie, had already established a few trading posts on the coast of the Pacific, in a region lying about two degrees north of the Columbia thus throwing itself between the Russian and Ameri- can territories. They would contend with Mr. Astor at an im- mense disadvantage, of course. They had no good post for the receipt of supplies by sea ; and must get them with great risk, trouble and expense, over land. Their peltries also would have to be taken home the same way for they were not at liberty to interfere with the East India company's monopoly, by shipping thorn directly to China. Mr. Astor would therefore greatly un- dersell them in that, the principal market. Still, as any compe- tition would prove detrimental to both parties, Mr. A. made known his plans to the North-west company, proposing to inter- est them one-third in his undertaking. The British company, however, had several reasons for declining the proposition not the least forcible of which we presume, was their secret intention to push on a party forthwith, and forestall their .rival in estab- lishing a settlement at the mouth of the Columbia. In the meantime Mr..Astor did not remain idle. His first care was to procure proper coadjutors, and he was induced to seek them principally from among such clerks of the North-west com- pany, as were dissatisfied with their situation iu that body hav- ing served out their probationary term, and being still, through want of influence, without a prospect of speedy promotion. From among these (generally men "of capacity and experience i:: theif particular business). Mr. A. obtained the services of Mr. Alex- 5o8 ASTORIA. ander M'Kay (who Lad accompanied Sir Alexander Mackenzie in both of his expeditions). Mr. Donald M'Kcnzie, and Mr. Duncan M'Dougal. Mr. Wilson Price Hunt, a native citizen of .New Jersey, and a gentleman of great worth, was afterwards selected by Mr. Astor as his chief agent, and as the representa- tive of himself at the contemplated establishment. In June, 1810, "articles of agreement were entered into between Mr. Astor and these four gentlemen, acting for themselves, and for the several persons who had already agreed to become, or should thereafter become, associated under the firm of " The Pacific Fur Company" This agreement stipulated that Mr. A. was to be the head of the company, to manage its affairs at New York, and to furnish every thing requisite for the enterprise at first cost and charges, provided an advance of more than four hundred thousand dollars should not at any time be involved. The stock was to consist of a hundred shares, Mr. Astor taking fifty, the rest being divided among the other partners and their associates. A general meeting was to be held annually at Columbia river, where absent members might vote by proxy. The association was to continue twenty years but might be dissolved within the first five years, if found unprofitable. For these five years Mr. A. agreed to bear all the loss that might be incurred. An agent, appointed for a like term, was to reside at the main establishment, and Mr. Hunt was the person first selected. Mr. Astor determined to begin his enterprise with two expe- ditions one by sea, the other by land. The former was to carry out every thing necessary for the establishment of a fortified post Mt the mouth of the Columbia. The latter, under the conduct of Mr. Hunt, was to proceed up the Missouri and across the Uocky Mountains to the same point. In the course of this over- land journey, the most practicable line pf communication would be explored, and the best situations noted for the location of trading rendezvous. Following Mr. Irving in our brief summary of his narrative, we will now give some account of the first of ihese expeditions. A ship was provided called the Tonquin, of two hundred and ninety tons, with ten guns, and twenty men. Lieutenant Jona- than Thorn of the United States navy, being on leave of absence ASTORIA 559 received the command. He was a man of courage, and had dis- tinguished himself in the Tripolitan war. Four of the partners went in the ship M'Kay and M'Dougal, of whom we have already spoken, and Messieurs David and Robert Stuart, new associates in the firm. M'Dougal was empowered to act as the proxy of Mr. Astor in the absence of Mr. Hunt. Twelve clerks were also of the party. These were bound to the service of the company for five years, and were to receive one hundred dollars a year, payable at the expiration of the term, with an annual equipment of clothing to the amount of forty dollars. By prom- ises of future promotion, their interests were identified with those of Mr. Astor. Thirteen Canadian voyageurs, and several arti- sans, completed the ship's company. On the 8th of September, 1810, the Tonquin put to sea. Of her voyage to the mouth of the Columbia, Mr. Irving has given a somewhat ludicrous ac- count. Thorn, the stern, straight-forward officer of the navy, having few ideas beyond those of duty and discipline, and looking with supreme contempt upon the motley " lubbers" who formed the greater part of his company, is painted with the easy yet spirited pencil of an artist indeed ; while M'Dougal, the shrewd Scotch partner, bustling, yet pompous, and impressed with lofty notions of his own importance as proxy for Mr. Astor, is made as supremely ridiculous as possible, with as little apparent effort as can well be imagined ; the portraits, however, carry upon their faces the evidence of their own authenticity. The voyage is prosecuted amid a series of petty quarrels, and cross purposes, between the captain and his crew, and, occasionally, between Mr. M'Kay and Mr. M'Dougal.- The contests between the two latter gentlemen were brief, it appears, although violent. " "Within fifteen minutes," says Captain Thorn in a letter to Mr. Astor, " they would be caressing each other like children." The Ton- quin doubled Cape Horn on Christmas day, arrived at Owhyhee on the eleventh of February, took on board fresh provisions, sailed again with twelve Sandwich islanders on the 28th, and on the 22d of March arrived at the mouth of the Columbia. In seeking a passage across the bar, a boat and nine men were lost among the breakers. On the way from Owhyhee a violent storm occurred ; and the bickerings still continued between the 560 ASTORIA. partners and the captain the latter, indeed, grievously suspect- ing the former of a design to depose him. The Columbia, for about forty miles from its mouth, is, strictly speaking, an estuary, varying in breadth from three to seven miles, and indented by deep bays. Shoals and other obstructions render the navigation dangerous. Leaving this broad portion of the stream in the progress upwards, we find the mouth of the river proper which is about half a mile wide. The entrance to the estuary from sea is bounded on the south by a long, low, and sandy beach stretching into the ocean, and called Point Adams. On the northern side of the frith is Cape Disappoint- ment, a steep promontory. Immediately east of this cape is Baker's Bay, and within this the Tonquin came to anchor. Jealousies still continued between the captain and the worthy M'Dougal, who could come to no agreement in regard to the proper location for the contemplated establishment. On April the fifth, without troubling himself farther with the opinions of his coadjutors, Mr. Thorn landed in Baker's Bay, and began operations. At this summary proceeding, the partners were, of course, in high dudgeon, and an open quarrel seemed likely to ensue, to the serious detriment of the enterprise. These difficul- ties, however, were at length arranged, and finally on the 12lh of April, a settlement was commenced at a point of land called Point George, on the southern shore of the frith. Here was a good harbor, where vessels of two hundred tons might anchor within fifty yards of the shore. In honor of the chief parkier, the new post received the title of Astoria. After much delay, fhe portion of the cargo destined for the post was landed, and the Tonquin left free to proceed on her voyage. She was to coast to the north, to trade for peltries at the different harbors, and to touch at Astoria on her return in the autumn. Mr. M'Kay went in her as supercargo, and a Mr. Lewis as ship's clerk. On the morning of the 5th of June she stood out to sea, the whole num- ber of persons on board amounting to three and twenty. In one of the outer bays Captain Thorn procured the services of an In- dian named Lamazee, who had already made two voyages along the coast, and who agreed to accompany him as interpreter. In a few days the ship arrived at Vancouver's Island, and came to ASTORIA. 561 anchor in the harbor of Neweetee, much against the advice of (he Indian, who warned Captain Thorn of the perfidious charac- ter of the natives. The result was the merciless butchery of the whole crew, with the exception of the interpreter and Mr. Lewis, the ship's clerk. The latter, finding himself mortally wounded and without companions, blew up the ship and perished with more than a hundred of the enemy. Lamazee, getting among the Indians, escaped, and was the means of bearing the news of the disaster to Astoria. In relating at length the thrilling details of this catastrophe, Mr. Irving takes occasion to comment on the headstrong, although brave and strictly honorable character of Lieutenant Thorn. The danger and folly, on the part of agents, in disobeying the matured instructions of those who deliberately plan extensive enterprises, such as that of Mr. Astor, is also justly and forcibly shown. The misfortune here spoken of, arose, altogether, from a disregard of Mr. A.'s often repeated advice to admit but few Indians en board the Tonquin at one time. Her loss was a serious blow to the infant establishment at As- * toria. To this post let us now return. The natives inhabiting the'borders of the estuary were divided into four tribes, of which the Chinooks were the principal. Comcomly, a one-eyed Indian, was their chief. Theee tribes resembled each other in nearly every respect, and were, no doubt, of a common stock. They live chiefly by fishing the Columbia and its tributary streams .abounding in fine salmon, and a variety of other fish. A trade in peltries, but to no great amount, was immediately commenced and carried on. Much disquiet was occasioned at the post by a rumor among the In- dians that thirty white men had appeared on the banks of the Columbia, and were building houses at the second rapids. It was feared that these were an advance party of the North-west company endeavoring to seize upon the upper parts of the river, and thus forestall Mr. Astor in the trade of the surrounding country. Bloody feuds in this case might be anticipated, such as had prevailed between rival companies in former times. The intelligence of the Indians proved true the " North-west" had erected a trading house on the Spokan river, which falls into the north branch of the Columbia. The Astorians could do little to 563 ASTORIA. oppose them in their present reduced state as to numbers. If was resolved, however, to advance a counter-check to the post on the Spokan, and Mr. David Stuart prepared to set out for this purpose with eight men and a small assortment of goods, On the fifteenth of July, when this expedition was about starling, a canoe, manned with nine white men, and bearing the British flag, entered the harbor. They proved to be the party dispatched by the rival company to anticipate Mr. Astor in the settlement at the mouth of the river. Mr. D-avid Thompson, 'their leader, announced himself as a partner of the "North-west" but other- wise gave a very peaceable account of himself. It appears, how- ever, from information subsequently derived from other sources, that he had hurried with a desperate haste across the mountains, calling at all the Indian villages in his march, presenting them with British flags, and " proclaiming formally that he took pos- session of the country for the North-west company, and in the name of the king of Great Britain." His plan was defeated, it seems, by the desertion of a great portion of his followers, and it was thought probable that he now merely descended the river with a view of reconnoitering. M'Dougal treated the gentlemen with great kindness, and supplied them with goods and provisions for their journey back across the mountains this much against the wishes of Mr. David Stuart, " who did not think the object of their visit entitled them to any favor." A letter for Mr. Astor was entrusted to Thompson. On the twenty-third of July, the party for the region of the Spokan set out, and after a voyage of much interest, succeeded in establishing the first interior trading post of the company. It was situated on a point of land about three miles long and two broad, formed by the junction of the Oakinagan with the Colum- bia. In the meantime the Indians near Astoria began to evince a hostile disposition, and a reason for this altered demeanor was soon after found in the report of the loss of the Tonquin. Early in August the settlers received intelligence of her fate. They now found themselves in a perilous situation, a mere handful of men, on a savage coast, and surrounded by barbarous enemies. From their dilemma they were relieved, for the present, by the ingenuity of M'Dougal. The natives had a great dread of the ASTORIA. 563 email-pox, which had appeared among them a few years before, sweeping off entire tribes. They believed it an evil either in- flicted upon them by the Great Spirit, or brought among mem by the white men. Seizing upon this latter idea, M'Dougal as- sembled several of the chieftains whom he believed to be inimi- cal, and informing them that he had heard of the treachery of their northern brethren in regard to the Tonquin, produced from his pocket a small bottle. " The white men among you," said he, "are few in number, it is true, but they are mighty in medi- cine. See here ! In this bottle I hold the small-pox safely corked up ; I have but to draw the cork and let loose the pesti- lence, to sweep man, woman and child from the face of the earth !" The chiefs were dismayed. They represented to the ' Great Small- Pox Chief" that they were the firmest friends of the white men, that they had nothing to do with the villains who murdered the crew of the Tonquin, and that it would be unjust, in uncorking the bottle, to destroy the innocent with the guilty. M'Dougal was convinced. He promised not to uncork it until some overt act should compel him to do so. In this manner tranquillity was restored to the settlement. A large house was now built, and the frame of a schooner put together. She was named the Dolly, and was the first American vessel launched on the coa?t. But our limits will not permit us to follow too mi- nutely the details of the enterprise. The adventurers kept up their spirits, sending out occasional foraging parties in the Dolly, and looking forward to the arrival of Mr. Hunt. So wore away the year 1811 at the little post of Astoria. We now come to speak of the expedition by land. This, it will be remembered, was to be conducted by Mr. Wil- ecn Price Hunt, a native of New Jersey. He is represented as scrupulously upright, of amiable disposition, and agreeable man- ners. He had never been in the heart of the wilderness, but, having been for some time engaged in commerce at St. Loui-:. furnishing Indian traders with goods, he had acquired much knowledge of the trade at second hand. Mr. Donald M'Kenrie, another partner, was associated with him. He had been ten years in the interior, in the service of the North-west Company, and had much practical experience in all Indian concerns. In 564 ASTORIA. July 1810, the two gentlemen repaired to Montreal, where every- thing requisite to the expedition could be procured. Here they met with many difficulties some of which were thrown in their \vay by their rivals. Having succeeded, however, in laying in a supply of ammunition, provisions, and Indian goods, they em- barked all on board a large boat, and, with a very inefficient crew, the best to be procured, took their departure from St. Ann's, near the extremity of the island of Montreal. Their course lay up the Ottawa, and along a range of small lakes and rivers. On the twenty-second of July, they arrived at Mackinaw, situated on Mackinaw island, at the continence of Lakes Huron and Michigan. Here it was necessary to remain some time to complete the assortment of Indian goods, and engage more voyageurs. While waiting to accomplish these objects, Mr. Hunt was joined by Mr. Ramsay Crooks, a gentleman whom he had invited, by letter, to engage as a partner in the expedition. He was a native of Scotland, had served under the North-west Com- pany, and been engaged in private trading adventures among the various tribes of the Missouri. Mr. Crooks represented, in for- cible terms, the dangers to be apprehended from the Indians especially the Blackfeet and Sioux and it was agreed to in- crease the number of the party to sixty upon arriving at St. Louis. Thirty was its strength upon leaving Mackinaw. This occurred on the twelfth of August. The expedition pursued the usual route cf the fur-trader by Green bay, Fox and Wiscon- sin rivers, to Prairie du Chien, and thence down the Mississippi to St. Louis, where they landed on the third of September. Here, Mr. Hunt met with some opposition from an association called the Missouri Fur Company, and especially from its leading partner, a Mr. Manuel Lisa. This company had a capital of about forty thousand dollars, and employed about two hundred and fifty men. Its object was to establish posts along the upper part of the river, and monopolize the trade. Mr. H. proceeded 10 strengthen himself against competition. He secured to Mr. Astor the services of Mr. Joseph Miller. This gentleman had been an officer of the United States' Army, but had resigned on being refused a furlough, and taken to trading with the Indians. He joined the association as a partner; and, on account of hid ASTORIA. 565 experience and general acquirement?, Mr. Hunt considered him a valuable coadjutor. Several boatmen and hunters were also, now, enlisted, but not until after a delay of several weeks. This de,ay, and the previous difficulties at Montreal and Mackinaw, had thrown Mr. H. much behind his original calculations, so that he found it would be impossible to effect his voyage up the Mis souri during the present season. There was every likelihood that the river would be closed before the party could reach its upper waters. To winter, however, at St. Louis, would be ex- pensive. Mr. H., therefore, determined to push ap on his way as far as possible, to some point where game might be found iu abundance, and there take up his quarters until spring. On the twenty-first of October, he set out. The party were distributed in three boats two large Schenectady barges, and a keel boat. By the sixteenth of November, they reached the mouth of the Nodowa, a distance of four hundred and fifty miles, where they set up their winter quarters. Here, Mr. Robert M'Lellan, at the invitation of Mr. Hunt, joined the association as a partner. Pie was a man of vigorous frame, of restless and imperious tem- per, and had distinguished himself as a partisan under General Wayne. John Day also joined the company at this place a tall and athletic hunter from the backwoods of Virginia. Leaving the main body at Nodowa, Mr. Hunt now returned to St. Louis for a reinforcement. He was again impeded by the machinations of the Missouri Fur Company, but finally succeeded in enlisting one hunter, some voyageurs, and a Sioux interpreter, Pierre Dorion. With these, after much difficulty, he got back to the encampment on the seventeenth of April. Soon after this period, the voyage up the river was resumed. The party now consisted of nearly sixty persons five partners, Hunt, Crooks, M'Kenzie, Miller, and M'Lellan ; one clerk, John Reed ; forty Canadian voyayeurs ; and several hunters. They embarked in four boats, one of which, of a large size, mounted a swivel and two howitzers. We do not intend, of course, to proceed with our travellei-9 throughout the vast series of adventure encountered in their pas- sage through the wilderness. To the curious in these particulars, we recommend the book itself. No details more intensely excit- 566 ASTORIA. ing are to be found in any work of travels within our knowledge. At times full of life and enjoying the whole luxury to be found in the career of the hunter at times suffering every extremity of fatigue, hunger, thirst, anxiety, terror, and despair Mr. Hunt still persisted in hfs journey, and finally brought it to a success- ful termination. A bure outline of the route pursued is all we can attempt. Proceeding up the river, our party arrived, on the twenty- eighth of April, at the mouth of the Nebraska, or Platte, the largest tributary of the Missouri, and about six hundred miles above its junction with the Mississippi. They now halted for two days, to supply themselves with oars and poles from the tough wood of the ash, which is not to be found higher up the river. Upon the second of May, two of the hunters insisted upon abandoning the expedition, and returning to St. Louis. On the tenth, the party reached the Omaha village, and encamped in its vicinity. This village is about eight hundred and thirty miles above St. Louis, and on the west bank of the stream. Three men here deserted, but their place was luckily supplied by three others, who were prevailed upon, by liberal promises, to enlist. On the fifteenth, Mr. Hunt left Omaha, and proceeded. Not long afterwards, a canoe was descried navigated by two white men. They proved te be two adventurers, who, for some years past, had been hunting and trapping near the head of the Missouri. Their names were Jones and Carson. They were now on their way to St. Louis, but readily abandoned their voyage, and turned their faces again toward the Rocky Moun- tains. On the twenty-third, Mr. Hunt received, by a special messenger, a letter from Mr. Manuel Lisa, the leading partner of the Missouri Fur Company, and the gentleman who rendered him so many disservices at St. Louis. He had left that place, with a large party, three weeks after Mr. IL, and, having heard rumors of hostile intentions on the part of the Sioux, a much dreaded tribe of Indians, made great exertions to overtake him, that they might pass through the dangerous part of the river to- gether. Mr. H., however, was justly suspicious of the Spaniard, and pushed on. At the village of the Poncas, about a league south of the river Quicourt, he stopped only long enough to ASTORIA. 567 procure a supply of dried buffalo meat. On the morning of the twenty-fifth, it was discovered that Jones and Carson had desert- od. They were pursued, but in vain. The next day, three white men were observed, in two canoes, descending the river. They proved to be three Kentucky hunters Edward Robinson, John Hoback, and Jacob Rizner. They also had passed several years in the upper wilderness, and were now on their way home, but willingly turned back with the expedition. Information de- rived from these recruits, induced Mr. Hunt to alter his route. Hitherto, he had intended to follow the course pursued by Messieurs Lewis and Clarke ascending the Missouri to its forks, and thence, by land, across the mountains. He was in- formed, however, that, in so doing, he would have to pass through the country of the Blackfeet, a savage tribe of Indians, exasperated against the whites, on account of the death of one of their men by the hands of Captain Lewis. Robinson advised a more southerly route. This would carry them over the mountains about where the head waters of the Platte and the Yellowstone take their rise, a much more practicable pass than that of Lewis and Clarke. To this counsel, Mr. Hunt agreed, and resolved to leave the Missouri at the village of the Arickaras, at which they would arrive in a few days. On the first of June, they reached " the great bend " of the river, which here winds for about thirty miles round a circular peninsula, the neck of which is not above two thousand yards across. On the morning of June the third, the party were overtaken by Lisa, much to their dissatisfaction. The meeting was, of course, far from cordial, but an outward ap- pearance of civility was maintained for two days. On the third, a quarrel took place, which was near terminating seriously. It was, however, partially adjusted, and the rival parties coasted along opposite sides of the river, in sight of each other. On the twelfth of June, they reached the village of the Arickaras, be- tween the forty-sixth and forty-seventh parallels of north latitude, and about fourteen hundred and thirty miles above the mouth of the Missouri. In accomplishing thus much of his journey, Mr. Hunt had not failed to meet with a crowd of difficulties, at which we have not even hinted. He was frequently in extreme peril from large bodies of the Sioux, and, at one time, it was a mere 568 ASTORIA. accident alone which prevented the massacre of the whole party. At the Arickara village, our adventurers were to abandon their boats, and proceed westward across the wilderness. Horses were to be purchased from the Indians ; who could not, however, furnish them in sufficient numbers. In this dilemma, Lisa offered to purchase the boats, now no longer of use, and to pay for them in horses, to be obtained at a fort belonging to the Missouri Fur Company, and situated at the Mandan villages, about a hundred and fifty miles further up the river. A bargain was made, and Messieurs Lisa and Crooks went for the horses, returning with them in about a fortnight. At the Arickara village, if we un- derstand, Mr. Hunt engaged the services of one Edward Rose. He enlisted, as interpreter when the expedition should reach the country of the Upsarokas or Crow Indians, among whom he had formerly resided. On the eighteenth of July, the party took up their line of march. They were still insufficiently provided with horses. The cavalcade consisted of eighty-two, most of them heavily laden with Indian goods, beaver traps, ammunition, and provisions. Each of the partners was mounted. As they took leave of Arickara, the veterans of Lisa's company, as well as Lisa himself, predicted the total destruction of our adventurers. amid the innumerable perils of the wilderness. To avoid the Blackfeet Indians, a ferocious and implacable tribe, of which we have before spoken, the party kept a south- western direction. This route took them across some of the tributary streams of the Missouri, and through immense prairies, bounded only by the horizon. Their progress was, at first, slow, and, Mr. Crooks falling sick, it was necessary to make a litter for him between two horses. On the twenty-third of the month, they encamped on the banks of a little stream, nicknamed Big River, where they remained several days, meeting with a variety of adventures. Among other things, they were enabled to complete their supply of horses from a band of the Cheyenne Indians. On the sixth of August, the journey was resumed, and they soon left the hostile region of the Sioux behind them. About this period, a plot was discovered on the part of the inter- preter, Edward Rose. This villain had been tampering with (he ASTORIA. 569 men, and proposed, upon arriving among his old acquaintances the Crows, to desert to the savages with as much booty as could be carried off. The matter was adjusted, however, and Mr Rose, through the ingenuity of Mr. Hunt, quietly dismissed. On (he thirteenth, Mr. H. varied his course to the*westward, a route which soon brought him to a fork of the Little Missouri, and upon the skirts of the Black Mountains. These are an extensive chain, lying about a hundred miles east of the Rocky Mountains, stretching north-easterly from the south fork of the river Platte to the great north bent of the Missouri, and dividing the waters of the Missouri from those of the Mississippi and Arkansas. The travellers here supposed themselves to be about two hundred and fifty miles from the village of the Arickaras. Their more serious troubles now commenced. Hunger and thirst, with the minor difficulties of grizzly bears, beset them at every turn, as they attempted to force a passage through the rugged barriers in their path. At length, they emerged upon a stream of clear water, one of the forks of Powder river, and once more beheld wide meadows and plenty of buffalo. They ascended this stream about eighteen miles, directing their march towards a lofty mountain, which had been in sight since the seventeenth. They reached the base of this mountain, which proved to be a spur of the Rocky chain, on the thirtieth, having now come about four hundred miles since leaving Aricknra. For one or two days, they endeavored in vain to find a defile in the mountains. On the third of September, they made an attempt to force a passage to the westward, but soon become entangled among rocks and precipices, which set all their efforts at defiance. They were now too in the region of the terrible Upsarokas, and encountered them at every step. They met also with friendly bands of Shoshonies and Flatheads. After a thousand troubles, they made some way upon their journey. On the ninth, they reached Wind river, a stream which gives its name to a range of mountains consisting of three parallel chains, eighty miles long and about twenty-five broad. " One of its peaks,'' says our author, "is probably fifteen thousand feet above he level of the sea." For five days, Mr. Hunt followed up the :ourse of Wind river, crossing and recrossing it. He had been 570 ASTORIA. assured by the three hunters who advised Kim to strike through the wilderness, that, by going on up the river, and crossing a single mountain ridge, he would come upon the head waters of the Columbia. The scarcity of game, however, determined him to pursue a different course. In the course of the day, after coming to this resolve, they perceived three mountain peaks, white with snow, and which were recognized by the hunters as rising just above a fork of the Columbia. These peaks were named the Pilot Knobs by Mr. Hunt. The travellers continued their course for about forty miles to the south-west, and, at length, found a river flowing to the west. This proved to be a branch of the Colorado. They followed its current for fifteen miles. On the eighteenth, abandoning its main course, they took a north- westerly direction for eight miles, and reached one of its little tributaries, issuing from the bosom of the mountains, and running through green meadows abounding in buffalo. Here, they en- camped for several days, a little repose being necessary for both men and horses. On the twenty-fourth, the journey was resumed. Fifteen miles brought them to a stream about fifty feet wide, which was recognized as one of the head waters of the Columbia. They kept along it for two days, during which it gradually swelled into a river of some size. At length, it was joined by another current, and both united swept off in an unimpeded stream, which, from its rapidity and turbulence had received the appellation of Mad river. Down this, they anticipated an un- interrupted voyage, in canoes, to the point of their ultimate des- tination but their hopes were very far from being realized. The partners held a consultation. The three hunters who had hitherto acted as guides, knew nothing of the region to the west of the Rocky Mountains. It was doubtful whether Mad river could be navigated, and they could hardly resolve to aban- don their horses upon an uncertainty. The vote, nevertheless, was for embarkation, and they proceeded to build the necessary vessels. In the meantime, Mr. Hunt, having now reached the head waters of the Columbia, reputed to abound in beaver, turn- ed his thoughts to the main object of the expedition. Four men, Alexander Carson, Louis St. Michel, Pierre Detaye, and Pierre Dehuu.ay, were detached from the expedition, to remain and ASTORIA. 571 trap beaver by themselves in the wilderness. Having collected H sufficient quantity of peltries, they were to bring them to the dtjpot, at the mouth of the Columbia, or to some intermediate post to be established by the company. These trappers had just departed, when two Snake Indians wandered into the camp, and declared the river to be unnavigable. Scouts sent out by Mr. Hunt finally confirmed this report. On the fourth of October, therefcn'o, the encampment was broken up, and the party pro- ceeded to search for a post in possession of the Missouri Fur Company, and said to be somewhere in the neighborhood, upon the banks of another branch of the Columbia. This post, they found without much difficulty. It was deserted and our tra- vellers gladly took possession of the rude buildings. The stream here found, was upwards of a hundred yards wide. Canoes were constructed with all despatch. In the meantime, another detachment of trappers was cast loose in the wilderness. These were Robinson, Rezner, Hoback, Carr, and Mr. Joseph Miller. This latter, it will be remembered, was one of the partners he threw up his share in the expedition, however, for a life of more perilous adventure. On the eighteenth of the month, (October,) fifteen canoes being completed, the voyagers embarked, leaving their horses in charge of the two Snake Indians, who were still in company. In the course of the day, the party arrived at the junction of the stream upon which they floated, with Mad river. Here, Snake river commences the scene of a thousand disasters. After proceeding about four hundred miles, by means of frequent por- tages, and beset with innumerable difficulties of every kind, the adventurers were brought to a halt by a series of frightful ca taracts, raging as far as the eye could reach, between stupendous ramparts of black rock, rising more than two hundred feet per- pendicularly. This place, they called " The Caldron Linn." Here, Antoine Clappine, one of the voyageurs, perished amid the whirlpools three of the canoes stuck immovably among the rocks, and one was swept away with all the weapons and effects of four of the boatmen. The situation of the party was now lamentable, indeed in the heart of an unknown wilderness, at a loss what routo to take. 572 ASTORIA. ignorant of their distance from the place of llieir destination, and witli no human being near them from whom counsel might be taken. Their stock of provisions was reduced to five days allowance, and famine stared them in the face. It was, therefore, more perilous to keep together than to separate. The goods and provisions, except a small supply for each man, were concealed in caches, (holes dug in the earth,) and the party were divided into several small detachments, which started off in different directions, keeping the mouth of the Columbia in view as their ultimate point of destination. From this post, they were still distant nearly a thousand miles, although this fact was unknown to them at the time. On the twenty-first of January, after a series of almost in- credible adventures, the division in which Mr. Hunt enrolled himself struck the waters of the Columbia, some distance below the junction of its two great branches, Lewis and Clarke rivers, and not far from the influx of the Wallah- Wallah. Since leaving the Caldron Linn, they had toiled two hundred and forty miles, through snowy wastes and precipitous mountains, and six months had now elapsed since their departure from the Arickara village, on the Missouri their whole route from that point, according to their computation, having been seventeen hundred and fifty-one miles. Some vague intelligence was now received in regard to the other divisions of the party, and also of the settlers at the mouth of the Columbia. On the thirty-first, Mr. Hunt reached the falls of the river, and encamped at the village of Wish-Ham. Here were heard tidings of the massacre on board the Tonquin. On the fifth of February, having procured canoes with much difficulty, the adventurers departed from Wish-Ram, and, on the fifteenth, sweeping round an intervening cape, they came in sight of the long-desired Astoria. Among the first to greet them on their landing, were some of their old comrades, who had parted from them at the Caldron Linn, and who had reached the settlement nearly a month before. Mr. Crooks and John Day, being unable to get on, had been left with some Indians in the wilderness they afterwards came in. Carriere, a voyageur, who was also j bandoned through the sternest necessity, \vaa never heard of more. Jean Babtiste Prevost, likewise a voya- ASTORIA. 573 geur, rendered frantic by famine, had been drowned in the Snake; river. All parties had suffered the extremes of weariness, privation and peril. They had travelled from St. Louis, thirty- five hundred miles. Let us now return to Mr. Astor. As yet he had received no intelligence from the Columbia, and had to proceed upon the supposition that all had gone as he desired. He accordingly fitted out a fine ship, the Beaver, of four hundred and ninety tons. Her cargo was assorted with a view to the supply of Astoria, the trade along the coast, and the wants of the Russian Fur Company. There embarked in her. for the settlement, a partner, five clerks, fifteen American la- borers, and six Canadian voyageurs. Mr. John Clarke, the partner, was a native of the United States, although he had passed much of his life in the North-west, having been employed in tlie fur trade since the age of sixteen. The clerks were, chiefly, young American gentlemen of good connexions. Mr. Astor had selected this reinforcement with the design of securing an ascendancy of American influence at Astoria, and rendering the association decidedly national. This, from the peculiar cir- cumstances of the case, he had been unable to do in the com- mencement of his undertaking. Captain Sowle, the commander of the Beaver, was directed to touch at the Sandwich islands, to inquire about the fortunes of the Tonquin, and ascertain, if possible, whether the settlement had been effected at Astoria. If so, he was to enlist as many of the natives as possible and proceed. He was to use great caution in his approach to the mouth of the Columbia. If everything was found right, however, he was to land such part of his cargo as was intended for the post, and to sail for New Archangel with the Russian supplies. Having received furs in payment, he would return to Astoria, take in the peltries there collected, and make the best of his way to Canton. These were the strict letter of his instructions a deviation from which was subse- quently the cause of great embarrassment and loss, and contri- buted largely to the failure of the whole enterprise. The Beaver sailed on the tenth of October, 1811, and, after taking in twelve natives at the Sandwich islands, reached the mouth of the Co- lumbia, in safety, on the ninth of May, 1812. Her arrival gave 574 ASTORIA. life and vigor to the establishment, and afforded means of ox- tending the operations of the company, and founding a number of interior trading posts. Tt now became necessary to send despatches over land to Mr Astor, at New York, an attempt at so doing having been frus- trated some time before by the hostility of the Indians at Wish- Ram. The task was confided to M. Robert Stuart, who, though he had never been across the mountains, had given evidence of his competency for such undertakings. He was accompanied by Ben. Jones and John Day, Kentuckians; Andri Vallar and Francis Le Clerc, Canadians ; and two of the partners, Messieurs M'Lellan and Crooks, who were desirous of returning to the Atlantic States. This little party set out on the twenty-ninth of June, and Mr. Irving accompanies them, in detail, throughout the whole of their long and dangerous wayfaring. As might be expected, they encountered mistortunes still more terrible than those before experienced by Mr. Hunt and his associates. The chief features of the journey were the illness of Mr. Crooks, and the loss of all the horses of the party through the villany of the Upsarokas. This latter circumstance was the cause of excessive trouble and great delay. On the thirtieth of April, however, the party arrived, in fine health and spirits, at St. Louis, having been ten months in performing their perilous expedition. The route taken by Mr. Stuart coincided nearly with that of Mr. Hunt, as far as the Wind river mountains. From this point, the former struck somewhat to the south-east, following the Nebraska to its junction with the Missouri. War having at length broken out between the United States and England, Mr. Astor perceived that the harbor of New York would be blockaded, and the departure of the annual supply ship in the autumn prevented. In this emergency, he wrote to Captain Sowle, the commander of the Beaver, addressing him at Canton. The letter directed him to proceed to the factory, at the mouth of the Columbia, with such articles as the establish- ment might need, and to remain there subject to the orders of Mr. Hunt. In the meantime, nothing had yet been heard from the settlement. Still, not discouraged, Mr. A. determined to send out another ship, although the risk of loss was so greatlv ASTORIA. 575 enhanced that no insurance could be effected. The Lark was chosen remarkable for her fast sailing. She put to sea on the sixth of March, 1813, under the command of Mr. Northrop, her mate the officer first appointed to command her having shrunk from his engagement. Within a fortnight after her de- parture, Mr. A. received intelligence that the North-west Com- pany had presented a memorial to Great Britain, stating the vast scope of the contemplated operations at Astoria, expressing a fear that, unless crushed, the settlement there would effect the downfall of their own fur trade, and advising that a force be sent against the colony. In consequence, the frigate Phrebe was or- dered to convoy the armed ship Isaac Todd, belonging to the North-west company, and provided with men and munitions for the formation of a new establishment. They were directed " to proceed together to the mouth of the Columbia, capture or des- troy whatever American fortress thej would find there, and plant the British flag on its ruins." Upon this matter's being represented to our government, the frigate Adams, Captain Crane, was detailed for the protection of Astoria ; and Mr. A. proceeded to fit out a ship called the Enterprise, to sail in com- pany with the frigate, and freighted with additional supplies. Just, however, as the two vessels were ready, a reinforcement of seamen was wanted for Lake Ontario, and the crew oi the Adams were, necessarily, transferred to that service. Mr. A. was about to send off his ship alone, when a British force made its appearance off the Hook, and New York was effectually blockaded. The Enterprise, therefore, was unloaded arid dis- mantled. We now return to the Beaver. This vessel, after leaving at Astoria that portion of her cargo destined for that post, sailed for New Archangel on the fourth of August, 1812. She arrived there on the nineteenth, meeting with no incidents of moment. A long time was now expended in negotiations with the drunken governor of the Russian fur colony one Count Baranoff and when they were finally com- pleted, the month of October had arrived. Moreover, in pay- ment for his supplies, Mr. Hunt was to receive seal-skins, and none were on the spot. It was necessary, therefore, to proceed to a seal-catching establishment belonging to the Russian com 57G ASTORIA. pany at the Island of St. Paul, in the sea of Kamschatka. Tie set sail for this place on the fourth of October, after having wasted Ibrty-five days at New Archangel. He arrived on the thirty- first of the month by which time, according to his arrangement, he should have been back at Astoria. Now occurred great delay in getting the peltries on board ; every pack being overhauled to prevent imposition. To make matters worse, the Beaver one night was driven offshore in a gale, and could not get back until the thirteenth of November. Having at length taken in the cargo and put to sea, Mr. Hunt was in some perplexity as to his course. The ship had been much injured in the late gale, and he thought it imprudent to attempt making the mouth of the Columbia in this boisterous time of the year. Moreover, the season was already much advanced ; and should he proceed to Astoria as originally intended, he might arrive at Canton so late as to find a bad market. Unfortunately, therefore, he deter mined to go at once to the Sandwich Islands, there await the arrival of the annual ship from New York, take passage in her to the settlement, and let the Beaver proceed on her voyage to China. It is but justice to add that he was mainly induced to this course by the timid representations of Captain Sowle. They reached Woahoo in safety, where the ship underwent the neces- sary repairs, and again put to sea on the first of January, 1813, leaving Mr. Hunt on the Island. At Canton, Captain Sowle found the letter of Mr. Astor, giv- 1 ing him information of the war, and directing him to convey the intelligence to Astoria. He wrote a reply, in which he declined complying with these orders, saying that he would wait for peace, nnd then return home. In the meantime Mr. Hunt waited in vain for the annual vessel. At length, about the twentieth of June, the ship Albatross, Captain Smith, arrived from China, bringing the first news of the war to the Sandwich Islands. This ship Mr. II. chartered for two thousand dollars, to land; him, with some supplies, at Astoria. lie reached this post on : the twentieth of August, where he found the affairs of the com- pany in .1 perishing condition, and the partners bent upon aban- doning the settlement. To this resolution Mr. Hunt was finally br.mght to consent. There was a lartre stock of furs, however, ASTORIA. 577 at the factory, which it was necessary to get to a market, and a ship was required for this service. The Albatross was bound to the Marquesas, and thence to the Sandwich Islands ; and it was received that Mr. H. should sail in her in quest of a vessel, re- turning, if possible, by the first of January, and bringing with him a supply of provisions. He departed on the twenty-sixth of August, and reached the Marquesas without accident. Commo- dore Porter soon afterward arrived, bringing intelligence that the British frigate Phoebe, with a store-ship mounted with battering pieces, together with the sloops of war Cherub and Racoon, had all sailed, from Rio Janiero, on the sixth of July, bound for the mouth of the Columbia. Mr. H., after in vain attempting to purchase a whale ship from Commodore Porter, started, on the twenty-third of November, for the Sandwich Islands, arriving on December the twentieth. Here he found Captain Northrop, of the Lark, which had suffered shipwreck on the coast about the middle of March. The brig Pedlar was now purchased for ten thousand dollars, and, Captain N. being put in command ot her, Mr. H. sailed for Astoria on the twenty-second of January, 1814, with the view of removing the property there, as speedily as possible, to the Russian settlements in the vicinity these were Mr. Astor's orders sent out by the Lark. On the twenty-eighth of February the brig anchored in the Columbia, when it was found that, on the twelfth of December, the British had taken possession of the post. In some negotiations carried on, just be- fore the surrender, on the part of the North-west company and M'Dougal, that worthy personage gave full evidence that Cap- tain Thorn was not far wrong in suspecting him to be no better than he should be. He had been for some time, secretly a part- ner of the rival association, and shortly before the arrival of the British, took advantage of his situation as head of the post, to barter away the property of the company at less than one-third of its value. Thus failed this great enterprise of Mr. Astor. At the peace. Astoria itself, by the treaty of Ghent, reverted with the adjacent country to the United States, on the principle of status ante helium. In the winter of 1815, Congress passed a law prohibit- ing all traffic of British traders within our territories, and Mr 578 ASTORIA. A. felt anxious to seize this opportunity for the renewal ofliis undertaking. For good reasons, however, he could do nothing without the direct protection of the government. This evincod much supineness in the matter ; the favorable moment was suf- fered to pass unimproved; and, in despite of the prohibition of Congress, the British finally usurped the lucrative traffic in pel- tries throughout the whole of our vast territories in the North* west. A very little aid from the sources whence he had natu- rally a right to expect it, would have enabled Mr. Astor to direct this profitable commerce into national channels, and to render New York, what London has now long been, the great emporium for furs. We have already spoken of the masterly manner in which Mr. Irving has executed his task. It occurs to us that we have observed one or two slight discrepancies in the narrative. There appears to be some confusion between the names of M'Lellan, M'Lennon and M'Lennan or do these three appellations refer to the same individual? In going up the Missouri, Mr. Hunt arrives at the Great Bend on the first of June, the third day after which (the day on which the party is overtaken by Lisa) is said to be the third of July. Jones and Carson join the expedi- tion just above the Omaha village. At page 187, vol. 1, we are told that the two men " who had joined the company at the Maha village" (meaning Omaha, we presume), deserted and were pur- sued, but never overtaken at page 199, however, Carson is recognized by an Indian who is holding a parley with the party. The Lark too, only sailed from New York on the sixth of March, 1813, and on the tenth, we find her, much buffeted, somewhere in the near vicinity of the Sandwich Islands. These errors are of little importance in themselves, but may as well be rectified in a future edition. THE END. 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