vvLOSANCElfj> ^3AINn3\\v ^OKAUFO^, ^OFCALIFO%, ^ ^EtJNIVERS//, ^AWaaiH^ 7 ^AHVMIl-^ %13DNV$M^ ^i $UIBRARY0/- ^/OJITVJJO^ ^E'UNIVER%. .vWSANCELfj> ^AINd-mV^ ^tllBRARY^ ^ •£ if ^OJITVJ-JO^ ^OF-CAIIFO/?^ n# .^EUNIVERS//, vvlOSANGELfj> ■%13AINfl3UV £ ^OF-CALIF(%, ^OKALIF(%, ^AavaaiH^ ^atoib^ AWEUNIVERS/a CO <$UIBRARY0^ ^ 30 ^(OJITCHO^ ,^EUNIVER%. ^clOSANCEtfx* o %a3AiNn-3\\v ^ILIBRARY^ ^ ^KMIIYHO 5 ^ ^ •jo-v ^UE-UNIVER^. ^lOSANI I/O c? -•= J JldJNV - M;r ^adAININtt to OC ^EUNIVERS/^. vaTIIRDADY/O. S AUIBRARY^c /U { i /A < tfOJIWDJO^ «AVU t ^ " »wr\ ' 'oxm ^0F-CAilF(%, 25 \ fs^A S IHrfi y 0AHvaaiR^ A; ^•LIBRARY WO/; JU17I sJUfTl a; ft WCEl&x THE DOLLY DIALOGUES The DOLLY DIALOGUES By ANTHONY HOPE WITH EIGHTEEN ILLUSTRATIONS BY HOWARD CHANDLER CHRISTY r'HESE are foolish things to all the wise — And I love wisdom more than she loves me NEW YORK • R. H. RUSSELL NINETEEN. HUNDRED AND ONE , ■' , Copyright 1901 by ROBERT HOWARD RUSSELL UNIVERSITY PRESS . JOHN WILSON AND SON • CAMBRIDGE, U. S. A. D, CONTENTS I. II. V III. IV. V. VI. VII. ,1 VIII. iJ. IX. X. XI. } XII. XIII. i XIV. XV. XVI, XVII. XVIII PAGE • A Liberal Education 9 ■ Cordial Relations 16 ■ Retribution 24 -The Perverseness of It 31 -A Matter of Duty 39 -My Last Chance 47 -The Little Wretch! 55 -An Expensive Privilege 63 -A Very Dull Affair 71 -Strange, but True 80 -The Very Latest Thing .... 89 -An Uncounted Hour 97 -A Reminiscence 105 -Ancient History 113 -A Fine Day 122 -The House Opposite 129 -A Quick Change 137 -A Slight Mistake 145 v _JLft_- *_^ I . - CONTENTS PAGE XIX. — The Other Lady 153 XX. — A Life Subscription 161 XXI. — What Might Have Been .... 169 XXII. — A Fatal Obstacle 178 XXIII. — The Curate's Bump 186 XXIV. — One Way In 194 VI List of Illustrations Dolly Frontispiece PAGE Mr. Carter 10 Miss Dolly Foster 18 " Wer,e you ever in Love ? " she asked .... 32 " Are n't you accustomed to your dignity yet ? " . 40 " Why, I was the man with Lady Mickleham " . 66 u There is n't," said George, " a girl in London to touch her" 84 " Lady Mickleham is usually accounted a person of considerable attractions " 92 "I've been hearing something about you, Mr. Carter" 114 " He 's a nice boy," said she. " How like he is to you, Mr. Carter" 126 "You were sitting close by me — on a bench " . 138 "You seem very pleased with yourself," said Dolly 154 " Aren't you ever going to marry ? " 162 " Oh, mine 's a life subscription " 166 " She used to bore me awfully about you ' ; . . . 180 " Now, is n't that provoking ? " cried Dolly. "They haven't rolled the tennis lawn" . 188 "You are an Apollo, Mr. Carter " ..... 192 vii The Dolly Dialogues i A LIBERAL EDUCATION ]HERE 'S ingratitude for you ! " Miss Dolly Foster exclaimed suddenly. " Where ? ' I asked, rousing myself from meditation. She pointed at a young man who had just passed where we sat. He was dressed very smartly, and was walking with a lady attired in the height of the fashion. " I made that man," said Dolly, " and now he cuts me dead before the whole of the Row ! It's atrocious. Why, but for me, do you sup- pose he 'd be at this moment engaged to three thousand a year and — and the plainest girl in London ? " " Not that," I pleaded ; " think of— " " Well, very plain, anyhow. I was quite ready to bow to him. I almost did." " In fact, you did ? " "I didn't. I declare I didn't." " Oh, well, you did n't, then. It only looked like it." 9 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES " I met him," said Miss Dolly, " three years ago. At that time he was — oh, quite unpre- sentable. He was everything he shouldn't be. He was a teetotaler, you know, and he didn't smoke, and he was always going to concerts. Oh, and he wore his hair long, and his trousers short, and his hat on the back of his head. And his umbrella — " " Where did he wear that ? " " He carried that, Mr. Carter. Don't be silly ! Carried it unrolled, you know, and gen- erally a paper parcel in the other hand ; and he had spectacles too." " He has certainly changed outwardly at least." " Yes, I know ; well, I did that. I took him in hand, and I just taught him, and now — !" "Yes, I know that. But how did you teach him ? Give him Saturday evening lectures, or what? " "Oh, every-evening lectures, and most-morning walks. And I taught him to dance, and I broke his wretched fiddle with my own hands ! ' ! " What very arbitrary distinctions you draw ! " " I don't know what you mean. I do like a man to be smart, anyhow. Don't you, Mr. Carter ? You 're not so smart as you might be. Now, shall I take you in hand ? " And she smiled upon me. IO V £?*? ► I I»I1S t Mr. Carter A LIBERAL EDUCATION " Let 's hear your method. What did you do to him ? " " To Phil Meadows ? Oh, nothing. I just slipped in a remark here and there, whenever he talked nonsense. I used to speak just at the right time, you know." " But how had your words such influence, Miss Foster?" " Oh, well, you know, Mr. Carter, I made it a condition that he should do just what I wanted in little things like that. Did he think I was going to walk about with a man carrying a brown- paper parcel — as if we had been to the shop for a pound of tea ? " " Still, I don't see why he should alter all his — " " Oh, you are stupid ! Of course, he liked me, you know." " Oh, did he ? I see." " You seem to think that very funny." <£ Not that he did — but that, apparently, he oes n t. " Well, you got out of that rather neatly — for you. No, he does n't now. You see, he mis- understood my motive. He thought — well, I do believe he thought I cared for him, you know. Of course I did n't." "Not a bit?" 1 1 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES « Just as a friend — and a pupil, you know. And when he 'd had his hair cut and bought a frock-coat (fancy ! he 'd never had one !), he looked quite nice. He has nice eyes. Did you notice them ? " " Lord, no ! " " Well, you 're so unobservant." " Oh, not always. I 've observed that your — " " Please don't ! It 's no use, is it ? " I looked very unhappy. There is an under- standing that I am very unhappy since Miss Foster's engagement to the Earl of Mickleham was announced. " What was I saying before — before you — you know — oh, about Phil Meadows, of course. I did like him very much, you know, or I should n't have taken all that trouble. Why, his own mother thanked me ! " "I have no more to say," said I. " But she wrote me a horrid letter afterwards." " You 're so very elliptical." " So very what, Mr. Carter ? " " You leave so much out, I mean. After what ? " " Why, after I sent him away. Did n't I tell you ? Oh, we had the most awful scene. He raved, Mr. Carter. He called me the most hor- rid names, and — " " Tore his hair ? " 12 A LIBERAL EDUCATION " It was n't long enough to get hold of," she tittered. " But don't laugh. It was really dread- ful. And so unjust ! And then, next day, when I thought it was comfortably over, you know, he came back, and — and apologised, and called him- self the most awful names, and — well, that was reallv worse." "What did the fellow complain of?' I asked in wondering tones. " Oh, he said I 'd destroyed his faith in women, you -know, and that I 'd led him on, and that I was — well, he was very rude indeed. And he went on writing me letters like that for a whole year ! It made me quite uncomfortable." " But he did n't go back to short trousers and a fiddle, did he ? " I asked anxiously. "Oh, no. But he forgot all he owed me, and he told me that his heart was dead, and that he should never love any one again." " But he 's going to marry that girl." " Oh, he does n't care about her," said Miss Dolly, reassuringly. " It 's the money, you know. He had n't a farthing of his own. Now he '11 be set up for life." " And it 's all due to you ! " said I, admiringly. "Well, it is, really." " I don't call her such a bad-looking girl, though." (I hadn't seen her face.) THE DOLLY DIALOGUES " Mr. Carter ! She 's hideous ! " I dropped that subject. " And now," said Miss Dolly again, " he cuts me dead ! " " It is the height of ingratitude. Why, to love you was a liberal education ! " " Yes, was n't it ? How nicely you put that ! ' A liberal education ! ' I shall tell Archie." (Archie is Lord Mickleham.) " What, about Phil Meadows ? " " Goodness me, no, Mr. Carter. Just what you said, you know." " But why not tell Mickleham about Phil Meadows ? " I urged. " It 's all to your credit, you know." "Yes, I know, but men are so foolish. You see, Archie thinks — " " Of course he does." " You might let me finish." " Archie thinks you were never in love before." " Yes, he does. Well, of course, I was n't in love with Phil — " "Not a little bit?" " Oh, well — " " Nor with any one else ? " Miss Dolly prodded the path with her parasol. " Nor with any one else ? " I asked again. Miss Dolly looked for an instant in my direction. 14 A LIBERAL EDUCATION " Nor with any one else ? " said I. Miss Dolly looked straight in front of her. " Nor with — " I began. " Hullo, old chappie, where did you spring from ? " " Why, Archie ! " cried Miss Dolly. " Oh, how are you, Mickleham, old man ? Take this seat; I 'm just off — just off. Yes, I was, upon my honour — got to meet a man at the club. Good-by, Miss Foster. Jove ! I 'm late ! " And as I went I heard Miss Dolly say, " I thought you were never coming, Archie, dear ! " Well, she did n't think he was coming just then. No more did I. 15 II CORDIAL RELATIONS 'HE other day I paid a call on Miss Dolly Foster for the pur- pose of presenting to her my small offering on the occasion of her marriage to Lord Mick- leham. It was a pretty little bit of jewellery, — a pearl heart, broken (rubies played the part of blood) and held together by a gold pin, set with diamonds, the whole surmounted by an earl's coronet. I had taken some trouble about it, and I was grateful when Miss Dolly asked me to explain the symbolism. " It is my heart," I observed. " The fracture is of your making : the pin — " Here Miss Dolly interrupted ; to tell the truth, I was not sorry, for I was fairly gravelled for the meaning of the pin. "What nonsense, Mr. Carter!" said she; "but it 's awfully pretty. Thanks, so very, very much. Are n't relations funny people ? " "If you wish to change the subject, pray do," said I. "I '11 change anything except my affections." 16 CORDIAL RELATIONS " Look here," she pursued, holding out a bun- dle of letters. " Here are the congratulatory epistles from relations. Shall I read you a few ? " " It will be a most agreeable mode of passing the time," said I. " This is from Aunt Georgiana — she 's a widow — lives at Cheltenham. ' My dearest Dorothea — ' " « Who ? " " Dorothea 's my name, Mr. Carter. It means the gift of heaven, you know." " Precisely. Pray proceed, Miss Dolly. I did not at first recognise you." " f My dearest Dorothea, I have heard the news of your engagement to Lord Mickleham with deep thankfulness. To obtain the love of an honest man is a great prize. I hope you will prove worthy of it. Marriage is a trial and an opportunity — ' " " Hear, hear ! " said I. "A trial for the husband and — " " Be quiet, Mr. Carter. l A trial and an oppor- tunity. It searches the heart and it affords a sphere of usefulness which — ' So she goes on, you know. I don't see why I need be lectured just because I 'm going to be married, do you, Mr. Carter ? " 2 17 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES " Let 's try another," said I. " Who 's that on pink paper ? " " Oh, that 's Georgy Vane. She 's awful fun. ' Dear old Dolly, — So you 've brought it off. Hearty congrats. I thought you were going to be silly and throw away — ' There's nothing else there, Mr. Carter. Look here. Listen to this. It's from Uncle William. He's a clergy- man, you know. * My dear Niece, — I have heard with great gratification of your engagement. Your aunt and I unite in all good wishes. I recol- lect Lord Mickleham's father when I held a cur- acy near Worcester. He was a regular attendant at church and a supporter of all good works in the diocese. If only his son takes after him ' (fancy Archie !) ' you have secured a prize. I hope you have a proper sense of the responsibilities you are undertaking. Marriage affords no small oppor- tunities ; it also entails certain trials — ' " " Why, you 're reading Aunt Georgiana again." " Am I ? No, it 's Uncle William." "Then let's try a fresh cast — unless you'll finish Georgy Vane's." " Well, here 's Cousin Susan's. She 's an old maid, you know. It 's very long. Here 's a bit : ' Woman has it in her power to exercise a sacred influence. I have not the pleasure of knowing Lord Mickleham, but I hope, my dear, that you 18 ,.:,.. Miss Do//y Foster CORDIAL RELATIONS will use your power over him for good. It is useless for me to deny that when you stayed with me, I thought you were addicted to frivolity. Doubtless marriage will sober you. Try to make a good use of its lessons. I am sending you a biscuit tin' — and so on." " A very proper letter," said I. Miss Dolly indulged in a slight grimace, and took up another letter. "This," she said, "is from my sister-in-law, Mrs. "Algernon Foster." " A daughter of Lord Doldrums, was n't she ? ' " Yes. c My dear Dorothea, — I have heard your news. I do hope it will turn out happily. I believe that any woman who conscientiously does her duty can find happiness in married life. Her husband and children occupy all her time and all her thoughts, and if she can look for few of the lighter pleasures of life, she has at least the knowl- edge that she is of use in the world. Please ac- cept the accompanying volumes ' (it's Browning) ' as a small — ' I say, Mr. Carter, do you think it 's really like that ? " " There is still time to draw back," I observed. " Oh, don't be silly. Here, this is my brother Tom's. c Dear Dol, — I thought Mickleham rather an ass when I met him, but I dare say you know best. What 's his place like ? Does he 19 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES take a moor? I thought I read that he kept a yacht. Does he ? Give him my love and a kiss. Good luck, old girl. — Tom. P.S. — I'm glad it's not me, you know.'" " A disgusting letter," I observed. " Not at all," said Miss Dolly, dimpling. « It 's just like dear old Tom. Listen to grandpapa's. ' My dear Granddaughter, — The alliance ' (I rather like it's being called an alliance, Mr. Carter. It sounds like the Royal Family, doesn't it?) 'you are about to contract is in all respects a suitable one. I send you my blessing, and a small check to help towards your trousseau. — Yours affec- tionately, Jno. Wm. Foster.' " That," said I, " is the best up to now." Yes, it 's 500," said she, smiling. " Here 's old Lady M.'s." "Whose?" I exclaimed. " Archie's mother's, you know. c My dear Dorothea (as I suppose I must call you now), — Archibald has informed us of his engagement, and I and the girls ' (there are five girls, Mr. Carter) 'hasten to welcome his bride. I am sure Archie will make his wife very happy. He is rather particular (like his dear father), but he has a good heart, and is not fidgety about his meals. Of course we shall be delighted to move out of The Towers at once. I hope we shall see a great deal 20 u CORDIAL RELATIONS of you soon. Archie is full of your praises, and we thoroughly trust his taste. Archie — ' It's all about Archie, you see." " Naturally," said I. "Well, I don't know. I suppose I count a little, too. Oh, look here. Here 's Cousin Fred's — but he 's always so silly. I shan't read you his." " Oh, just a bit of it," I pleaded. " Well, here 's one bit. c I suppose I can't murder him, so I must wish him joy. All I can say is, Dolly, that he 's the luckiest ' (something I can't read — either fellow or — devil) ' I ever heard of. I wonder if you 've forgotten that evening — ' " Well, go on." For she stopped. Oh, there's nothing else." "In fact, you have forgotten the evening ? ' " Entirely," said Miss Dolly, tossing her head. " But he sends me a love of a bracelet. He can't possibly pay for it, poor boy." "Young knave ! " said I, severely. (I had paid for my pearl heart.) " Then come a lot from girls. Oh, there 's one from Maud Tottenham — she 's a second cousin, you know — it 's rather amusing. c I used to know your fiance slightly. He seemed very nice, but it 's a long while ago, and I never saw much of him. I hope he is really fond of you, and that 21 cc << THE DOLLY DIALOGUES it is not a mere fancy. Since you love him so much, it would be a pity if he did not care deeply for you. "Interpret, Miss Dolly," said I. " She tried to catch him herself," said Miss Dolly. " Ah, I see. Is that all ? " " The others are n't very interesting." " Then let 's finish Georgy Vane's." " Really ? " she asked, smiling. "Yes. Really." " Oh, if you don't mind, I don't," said she, laughing, and she hunted out the pink note and spread it before her. " Let me see. Where was I ? Oh, here. ' I thought you were going to be silly and throw away your chances on some of the men who used to flirt with you. Archie Mickle- ham may not be a genius, but he 's a good fellow and a swell and rich ; he 's not a pauper, like Phil Meadows, or a snob, like Charlie Dawson, or — 'shall I go on, Mr. Carter? No, I won't. I didn't see what it was." " Yes, you shall go on." " Oh, no, I can't," and she folded up the letter. " Then I will," and I 'm ashamed to say I snatched the letter. Miss Dolly jumped to her feet. I fled behind the table. She ran round. I dodged. 22 CORDIAL RELATIONS cc * Or — '" I began to read. Stop ! " cried she. " * Or a young spendthrift like that man — I forget his name — whom you used to go on with at such a pace at Monte Carlo last winter.' : " Stop ! " she cried, stamping her foot. I read on : — " £ No doubt he was charming, my dear, and no doubt anybody would have thought you meant it; but I never doubted you. Still, were n't you just a little — '" " Stop ! " she cried. " You must stop, Mr. Carter." So then I stopped. I folded the letter and handed it back to her. Her cheeks flushed red as she took it. " I thought you were a gentleman," said she, biting her lip. " I was at Monte Carlo last winter myself," said I. " Lord Mickleham," said the butler, throwing open the door. 23 Ill RETRIBUTION IN future I am going to be careful what I do. I am also — and this is by no means less important — going to be very careful what Miss Dolly Foster does. Every- body knows (if I may quote her particular friend Nellie Phaeton) that dear Dolly means no harm, but she is "just a little harum- scarum." I thanked Miss Phaeton for the expression. The fact is that " old Lady M." (here I quote Miss Dolly) sent for me the other day. I have not the honour of knowing the Countess, and I went in some trepidation. When I was ushered in, Lady Mickleham put up her " starers." (You know those abominations ! Pince-nez with long torture — I mean tortoise — shell handles.) "Mr. — er — Carter?" said she. I bowed. I would have denied it if I could. " My dears ! " said Lady Mickleham. Upon this five young ladies who had been sit- ting in five straight-backed chairs, doing five pieces 24 RETRIBUTION of embroidery, rose, bowed, and filed out of the room. I felt very nervous. A pause followed. Then the Countess observed — and it seemed at first rather irrelevant — " I 've been reading an unpleasant story." " In these days of French influence," I began apologetically (not that I write such stories, or indeed any stories, but Lady Mickleham invites an apologetic attitude), and my eye wandered to the table. I saw nothing worse (or better) than the morning paper there. " Contained in a friend's letter," she continued, focussing the " starers " full on my face. I did not know what to do, so I bowed again. " It must have been as painful for her to write as for me to read," Lady Mickleham went on. "And that is saying much. Be seated, pray." I bowed, and sat down in one of the straight- backed chairs. I also began, in my fright, to play with one of the pieces of embroidery. "Is Lady Jane's work in your way?" (Lady Jane is named after Jane, the famous Countess, Lady-in-Waiting to Caroline of Anspach.) I dropped the embroidery, and put my foot on my hat. " I believe, Mr. Carter, that you are acquainted with Miss Dorothea Foster ? " " I have that pleasure," said I. 2 5 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES " Who is about to be married to my son, the Earl of Mickleham ? " " That, I believe, is so," said I. I was begin- ning to pull myself together. " My son, Mr. Carter, is of a simple and trust- ing disposition. Perhaps I had better come to the point. I am informed by this letter that, in con- versation with the writer the other day, Archibald mentioned, quite incidentally, some very startling facts. Those facts concern you, Mr. Carter." " May I ask the name of the writer ? " " I do not think that is necessary," said she. " She is a lady in whom I have the utmost confidence." That is, of course, enough," said I. It appears, Mr. Carter — and you will excuse me if I speak plainly " — (I set my teeth) " that you have, in the first place, given to my son's bride a wedding present, which I can only describe as — " " A pearl ornament," I interposed ; " with a ruby or two, and — " " A pearl heart," she corrected ; " er — fractured, and that you explained that this absurd article represented your heart." " Mere badinage" said I. "In execrably bad taste," said she. I bowed. "In fact, most offensive. But that is not the 26 RETRIBUTION worst. From my son's further statements it ap- pears that on one occasion, at least, he found you and Miss Foster engaged in what I can only call — " I raised my hand in protest. The Countess took no notice. " What I can only call romping." She shot this word at me with extraordinary violence, and when it was out she shuddered. " Romping ! " I cried. " A thing not only atrociously vulgar at all times, but under the circumstances — need I say more ? Mr. Carter, you were engaged in chasing my son's future bride round a table ! " " Pardon me, Lady Mickleham. Your son's future bride was engaged in chasing me round a table." " It is the same thing," said Lady Mickleham. " I should have thought there was a distinction," said I. "None at all." I fell back on a second line of defence. " I did n't let her catch me, Lady Mickleham," I pleaded. Lady Mickleham grew quite red. This made me feel more at my ease. " No, sir. If you had — " " Goodness knows ! " I murmured, shaking my head. 27 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES " As it happened, however, my son entered in the middle of this disgraceful — " " It was at the beginning," said I, with a regretful sigh. Upon this — and I have really never been so pleased at anything in all my life — the Countess, the violence of her emotions penetrating to her very ringers, gripped the handle of her " starers " with such force that she broke it in two ! She was a woman of the world, and in a moment she looked as if nothing had happened. With me it was different ; and that I am not now on Lady Mickleham's visiting-list is due to {inter alia et enor- mia) the fact that I laughed ! It was out before I could help it. In a second I was as grave as a mute. The mischief was done. The Countess rose. I imitated her example. "You are amused?' said she, and her tones banished the last of my mirth. I stumbled on my hat, and it rolled to her feet. " It is not probable," she observed, " that after Miss Foster's marriage you will meet her often. You will move in — er — somewhat different circles." " I may catch a glimpse of her in her carriage from the top of my 'bus," said I. " Your milieu and my son's — " " I know his valet, though," said I. 28 RETRIBUTION Lady Mickleham rang the bell. I stooped for my hat. To tell the truth, I was rather afraid to expose myself in such a defenceless attitude, but the Countess preserved her self-control. The butler opened the door. I bowed, and left the Countess regarding me through the maimed " starers." Then I found the butler smiling. He probably knew the signs of the weather. I would n't be Lady Mickleham's butler if you made me a duke. As I walked home through the Park I met Miss Dolly and Mickleham. They stopped. I walked on. Mickleham seized me by the coat-tails. " Do you mean to cut us ? " he cried. " Yes," said I. "Why, what the deuce — ? " he began. " I Ve seen your mother," said I. " I wish, Mickleham, that when you do happen to intrude as you did the other day, you would n't repeat what you see." " Lord ! " he cried. " She 's not heard of that ? I only told Aunt Cynthia." I said something about Aunt Cynthia. "Does — does she know it all?" asked Miss Dolly. " More than all — much more." " Did n't you smooth it over ? " said Miss Dolly, reproachfully. 29 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES " On reflection," said I, " I don't know that I did — much." (I hadn't, you know.) Suddenly Mickleham burst out laughing. " What a game ! " he exclaimed. "That's all very well for you," said Dolly. " But do you happen to remember that we dine there to-night? " Archie grew grave. "I hope you'll enjoy yourselves," said I. "I always cling to the belief that the wicked are punished." And I looked at Miss Dolly. " Never you mind, little woman," said Archie, drawing Miss Dolly's arm through his. "I '11 see you through. After all, everybody knows that old Carter 's an ass." That piece of universal knowledge may help matters, but I do not quite see how. I walked on, for Miss Dolly had quite forgotten me, and was looking up at Archie Mickleham like — well, hang it, in the way they do, you know. So I just walked on. I believe Miss Dolly has got a husband who is (let us say) good enough for her. And, for one reason and another, I am glad of it. And I also believe that she knows it. And I am — I suppose — glad of that too. Oh, yes, of course I am. Of course. 3° IV THE PERVERSENESS OF IT TELL you what, Mr. Carter," said Miss Nellie Phaeton, touch- ing up Rhino with her whip, "love in a cottage is — " " Lord forgive us, cinders, ashes, dust," I quoted. We were spanking round the Park behind Ready and Rhino. Miss Phaeton's horses are very large; her groom is very small, and her courage is indomitable. I am no great hand at driving myself, and I am not always quite com- fortable. Moreover, the stricter part of my acquaintance consider, I believe, that Miss Phaeton's attentions to me are somewhat pro- nounced, and that I ought not to drive with her in the Park. "You're right," she went on. "What a girl wants is a good house and lots of cash, and some ridin' and a little huntin' and — " "A few c g's' !" I cried in shuddering entreaty. " If you love me, a c g' or two." "Well, I suppose so," said she. "You can't go ridin' without gees, can you ? " 31 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES Apparently one could go driving without any, but I did not pursue the subject. " It 's only in stories that people are in love when they marry," observed Miss Phaeton, reflectively. " Yes, and then it 's generally with somebody else," said I. " Oh, if you count that ! " said she, hitting Ready rather viciously. We bounded forward, and I heard the little groom bumping on the back seat. I am always glad not to be a groom — it 's a cup-and-ball sort of life, which must be very wearying. " Were you ever in love ? ' she asked, just avoiding a brougham which contained the Duchess of Dexminster. (If, by the way, I have to run into any one, I like it to be a Duchess : you get a much handsomer paragraph.) "Yes," said I. " Often ? " " Oh, not too often, and I always take great care, you know." "What of?" " That it shall be quite out of the question, you know. It 's not at all difficult. I only have to avoid persons of moderate means." " But are n't you a person of — ? " " Exactly. That 's why. So I choose either a 32 ll "I Were you ever in Love?" she a iked THE PERVERSENESS OF IT pauper — when it's impossible — or an heiress — when it 's preposterous. See ? " " But don't you ever want to get — ? ' began Miss Phaeton. " Let 's talk about something else," said I. " I believe you 're humbuggin' me," said Miss Phaeton. " I am offering a veiled apology," said I. " Stuff ! " said she. " You know you told Dolly Foster that I should make an excellent wife for a trainer." Oh, these women ! A man had better talk to a phonograph. " Or anybody else," said I, politely. Miss Phaeton whipped up her horses. " Look out ! There 's the mounted police- man," I cried. No, he isn't. Are you afraid? " she retorted. I 'm not fit to die," I pleaded. c< I don't care a pin for your opinion, you know," she continued (I had never supposed that she did) ; " but what did you mean by it? " " I never said it." "Oh!" " All right — I never did." " Then Dolly invented it ? " Of course," said I, steadily. On your honour? " 3 33 cc cc cc THE DOLLY DIALOGUES <( Oh, come, Miss Phaeton ! " " Would — would other people think so ? " she asked, with a highly surprising touch of timidity. " Nobody would," I said. " Only a snarling old wretch would say so, just because he thought it smart." There was a long pause. Then Miss Phaeton asked me abruptly : — "You never met him, did you ? " "No." A pause ensued. We passed the Duchess again, and scratched the nose of her poodle, which was looking out of the carriage window. Miss Phae- ton flicked Rhino, and the groom behind went plop-plop on the seat. " He lives in town, you know," remarked Miss Phaeton. " They mostly do — and write about the coun- try," said I. " Why should n't they ? " she asked fiercely. Cf My dear Miss Phaeton, by all means let them," said 1. " He 's awfully clever, you know," she con- tinued ; " but he would n't always talk. Some- times he just sat and said nothin', or read a book." A sudden intuition discovered Mr. Gay's feelings to me. 3+ THE PERVERSENESS OF IT "You were talking about the run, or something, I suppose ? " " Yes, or the bag, you know." As she spoke, she pulled up Ready and Rhino. The little groom jumped down and stood under (not at) their heads. I leant back and surveyed the crowd sitting and walking. Miss Phaeton flicked a fly off Rhino's ear, put her whip in the socket, and leant back also. " Then I suppose you did n't care much about him ? " I asked. " Oh, I liked him pretty well," she answered very carelessly. At this moment, looking along the walk, I saw a man coming towards us. He was a handsome fellow, with just a touch of " softness " in his face. He was dressed in correct fashion, save that his hair was a trifle longer, his coat a trifle fuller, his hat a trifle larger, his tie a trifle looser than they were worn by most. He caught my attention, and I went on looking at him for a little while, till a slight move- ment of my companion's made me turn my head. Miss Phaeton was sitting bolt upright : she fidgeted with the reins ; she took her whip out of the socket and put it back again ; and, to my amazement, her cheeks were very red. Presently the man came opposite the carriage. Miss Phaeton bowed. He lifted his hat, smiled, 35 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES and made as if to pass on. Miss Phaeton held out her hand. I could see a momentary gleam of surprise in his eye, as though he thought her cor- diality more than he might have looked for — pos- sibly even more than he cared about. But he stopped and shook hands. "How are you, Mr. Gay?" she said, not introducing me. " Still with your inseparables ! ' he said gaily, with a wave of his hand towards the horses. " I hope, Miss Phaeton, that in the next world your faithful steeds will be allowed to bear you com- pany, or what will you do ? ' " Oh, you think I care for nothin' but horses?' 1 said she, petulantly, but she leant towards him, and gave me her shoulder. " Oh, no," he laughed. " Dogs also, and Ij'm afraid one day it was ferrets, was n't it ? ' " Have — have you written any poetry lately?" she asked. " How conscientious of you to inquire ! " he exclaimed, his eyes twinkling. #/(? de foie gras ; from time to time she dug a piece out with a fork and flung the morsel to a big retriever which was sitting on the terrace. The morning was fine but cloudy. Lady Mickleham wore blue. The dog swallowed the pate with greediness. " It 's so bad for him," sighed she ; " but the dear likes it so much." " How human the creatures are ! " said I. " Do you know," pursued Lady Mickleham, " that the Dowager says I 'm extravagant. She thinks dogs ought not to be fed on pate de foie gras" 7 97 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES " Your extravagance," I observed, " is probably due to your having been brought up on a mod- erate income. I have felt the effect myself." " Of course," said Dolly, "we are hit by the agricultural depression." " The Carters also," I murmured, " are landed gentry." " After all, I don't see much point in economy, do you, Mr. Carter ? " " Economy," I remarked, putting my hands in my pockets, "is going without something you do want in case you should, some day, want some- thing which you probably won't want." " Is n't that clever? ' asked Dolly, in an appre- hensive tone. " Oh, dear, no," I answered reassuringly. " Anybody can do that — if they care to try, you know." Dolly tossed a piece of pate to the retriever. " I have made a discovery lately," I observed. " What are you two talking about ? ' called Archie. " You 're not meant to hear," said Dolly, with- out turning round. " Yet if it 's a discovery, he ought to hear it." " He 's made a good many lately," said Dolly. She dug out the last bit of pate, flung it to the dog, and handed the empty pot to me. 98 AN UNCOUNTED HOUR " Don't be so allegorical," I implored. " Besides, it's really not just to Archie. No doubt the dog is a nice one, but — " " How foolish you are this morning ! What 's the discovery ? " " An entirely surprising one." "Oh, but let me hear! It's nothing about Archie, is it ? " " No. I 've told you all Archie's sins." " Nor Mrs. Hilary ? I wish it was Mrs. Hilary ! " "Shall we walk on the terrace?" I suggested. "Oh, yes, let's," said Dolly, stepping out, and putting on a broad-brimmed, low-crowned hat, which she caught up from a chair hard by. " It is n't Mrs. Hilary?" she added, sitting down on a garden seat. " No," said I, leaning on a sun-dial which stood by the seat. "Well, what is it?" " It is simple," said I, "and serious. It is not, therefore, like you, Lady Mickleham." "It's like Mrs. Hilary," said Dolly. " No ; because it is n't pleasant. By the way, are you jealous of Mrs. Hilary ? " Dolly said nothing at all. She took off her hat, roughened her hair a little, and assumed an effective pose. Still, it is a fact (for what it is 99 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES worth) that she does n't care much about Mrs. Hilary. " The discovery," I continued, " is that I 'm growing middle-aged." " You are middle-aged," said Dolly, spearing her hat with its long pin. I was, very naturally, nettled at this. " So will you be soon," I retorted. "Not soon," said Dolly. " Some day," I insisted. After a pause of about half a minute, Dolly said, " I suppose so." " You will become," I pursued, idly drawing patterns with my finger on the sun-dial, " wrinkled, rough, fat — and, perhaps, good." "You're very disagreeable to-day," said Dolly. She rose and stood by me. " What do the mottoes mean?" she asked. There were two : I will not say they contra- dicted one another, but they looked at life from different points of view. " Pereunt et imputantur" I read. "Well, what's that, Mr. Carter? " "A trite, but offensive, assertion," said I, light- ing a cigarette. " But what does it mean ? " she asked, a pucker on her forehead. " What does it matter ? " said I. " Let 's try the other." ioo AN UNCOUNTED HOUR " The other is longer." " And better. Horas non numero nisi serenas." "And what's that?" I translated literally. Dolly clapped her hands, and her face gleamed with smiles. " I like that one ! " she cried. " Stop ! " said I, imperatively. " You '11 set it moving ! " " It 's very sensible," said she. " More freely rendered, it means, ' I live only when you — " " By Jove ! ' remarked Archie, coming up behind us, pipe in mouth, " there was a lot of rain last night. I 've just measured it in the gauge." "Some people measure everything," said I, with a displeased air. " It is a detestable habit." " Archie, what does Pereunt et imputantur mean ? " " Eh ? Oh, I see. Well, I say, Carter ! — Oh, well, you know, I suppose it means you 've got to pay for your fun, does n't it ? " "Oh, is that all ? I was afraid it was something horrid. Why did you frighten me, Mr. Carter ? " " I think it is rather horrid," said I. "Why, it is n't even true," said Dolly, scornfully. Now when I heard this ancient and respectable legend thus cavalierly challenged I fell to studying it again, and presently I exclaimed, — IOI THE DOLLY DIALOGUES "Yes, you 're right ! If it said that, it would n't be true ; but Archie translated wrong." " Well, you have a shot," suggested Archie. "The oysters are eaten and put down in the bill," said I. " And you will observe, Archie, that it does not say in whose bill." " Ah ! " said Dolly. " Well, somebody 's got to pay," persisted Archie. " Oh, yes, somebody," laughed Dolly. "Well, I don't know," said Archie. "I suppose the chap that has the fun — " " It's not always a chap," observed Dolly. " Well, then, the individual," amended Archie. " I suppose he 'd have to pay." " It does n't say so," I remarked mildly. " And according to my small experience — " " I 'm quite sure your meaning is right, Mr. Carter," said Dolly, in an authoritative tone. " As for the other motto, Archie," said I, " it merely means that a woman considers all hours wasted which she does not spend in the society of her husband." " Oh, come, you don't gammon me," said Archie. " It means that the sun don't shine unless it 's fine, you know." Archie delivered this remarkable discovery in a tone of great self-satisfaction. 102 AN UNCOUNTED HOUR " Oh, you dear old thing ! " said Dolly. " Well, it does, you know," said he. There was a pause. Archie kissed his wife (I am not complaining ; he has, of course, a perfect right to kiss his wife) and strolled away towards the hot-houses. I lit another cigarette. Then Dolly, pointing to the stem of the dial, cried, — « Why, here 's another inscription — oh, and in English ! " She was right. There was another — carelessly scratched on the old battered column — nearly effaced, for the characters had been but lightly marked — and yet not, as I conceived from the tenor of the words, very old. " What is it ? " asked Dolly, peering over my shoulder, as I bent down to read the letters, and shading her eyes with her hand. (Why did n't she put on her hat? We touch the Incom- prehensible.) " It is," said I, " a singularly poor, shallow, feeble, and undesirable little verse." " Read it out," said Dolly. So I read it. The silly fellow had written : " Life is Love, the poets tell us, In the little books they sell us ; But pray, ma'am — what 's of Life the Use, If Life be Love ? For Love 's the Deuce." 103 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES Dolly began to laugh gently, digging the pin again into her hat. " I wonder," said she, " whether they used to come and sit by this old dial just as we did this morning ! " " I should n't be at all surprised," said I. " And another point occurs to me, Lady Mickleham." " Oh, does it ? What 's that, Mr. Carter ? " " Do you think that anybody measured the rain-gauge ? " Dolly looked at me very gravely. " I 'm so sorry when you do that," said she, pathetically. I smiled. " I really am," said Dolly. " But you don't mean it, do you ? " " Certainly not," said I. Dolly smiled. " No more than he did ! ' : said I, pointing to the sun-dial. And then we both smiled. " Will this hour count, Mr. Carter ? " asked Dolly, as she turned away. " That would be rather strict," said I. 104 XIII A REMINISCENCE KNOW exactly what your mother wants, Phyllis," ob- served Mrs. Hilary. "It 's just to teach them the ordinary things/' said little Miss Phyllis. "What are the ordinary things?" I ventured to ask. " W T hat all girls are taught, of course, Mr. Carter," said Mrs. Hilary. " I '11 write about it at once." And she looked at me as if she thought that I might be about to go. " It is a comprehensive curriculum," I re- marked, crossing my legs, " if one may judge from the results. How old are your younger sisters, Miss Phyllis ? " " Fourteen and sixteen," she answered. " It is a pity," said I, " that this did n't happen a little while back. I knew a governess who would have suited the place to a c t.' ' Mrs. Hilary smiled scornfully. " We used to meet," I continued. 105 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES "Who used to meet? " asked Miss Phyllis. " The governess and myself, to be sure," said I, " under the old apple-tree in the garden at the back of the house." " What house, Mr. Carter ? " " My father's house, of course, Miss Phyllis. And — " " Oh, but that must be ages ago ! " cried she. Mrs. Hilary rose, cast one glance at me, and turned to the writing-table. Her pen began to scratch almost immediately. " And under the apple-tree," I pursued, " we had many pleasant conversations." " What about ? " asked Miss Phyllis. " One thing and another," I returned. " The schoolroom windows looked out that way, — a circumstance which made matters more comfort- able for everybody." " I should have thought — " began Miss Phyl- lis, smiling slightly, but keeping an apprehensive eye on Mrs. Hilary's back. " Not at all," I interrupted. " My sisters saw us, you see. Well, of course they entertained an increased respect for me, which was all right, and a decreased respect for the governess, which was also all right. We met in the hour allotted to French lessons — by an undesigned but appro- priate coincidence." 1 06 A REMINISCENCE " I shall say about thirty-five, Phyllis," called Mrs. Hilary from the writing-table. " Yes, Cousin Mary," called Miss Phyllis. " Did you meet often, Mr. Carter ? " " Every evening in the French hour," said I. "She'll have got over any nonsense by then," called Mrs. Hilary. " They 're often full of it." " She had remarkably pretty hair," I continued; "very soft it was. Dear me ! I was just twenty." " How old was she ? ' asked Miss Phyllis. "One's first love," said I, "is never any age. Everything went very well. Happiness was impossible. I was heart-broken, and the gover- ness was far from happy. Ah, happy, happy times ! " " But you don't seem to have been happy," objected Miss Phyllis. " Then came a terrible evening — " " She ought to be a person of active habits," called Mrs. Hilary. " I think so, yes, Cousin Mary. Oh, what happened, Mr. Carter ? " " And an early riser," added Mrs. Hilary. "Yes, Cousin Mary. What did happen, Mr. Carter ? " " My mother came in during the French hour. I don't know whether you have observed, Miss Phyllis, how easy it is to slip into the habit of 107 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES entering rooms when you had better remain out- side. Now, even my friend Arch — However, that 's neither here nor there. My mother, as I say, came in." " Church of England, of course, Phyllis ? " called Mrs. Hilary. " Oh, of course, Cousin Mary," cried little Miss Phyllis. "The sect makes no difference," I observed. " Well, my sisters, like good girls, began to repeat the irregular verbs. But it was no use. We were discovered. That night, Miss Phyllis, I nearly drowned myself." "You must have been — Oh, how awful, Mr. Carter ! " " That is to say, I thought how effective it would be if I drowned myself. Ah, well, it could n't last ! " " And the governess ? " " She left next morning." There was a pause. Miss Phyllis looked sad and thoughtful : I smiled pensively and beat my cane against my leg. " Have you ever seen her since ? " asked Miss Phyllis. " No." "Shouldn't — shouldn't you like to, Mr. Carter ? " 108 A REMINISCENCE " Heaven forbid ! " said I. Suddenly Mrs. Hilary pushed back her chair, and turned round to us. "Well, I declare," said she, "I must be grow- ing stupid. Here have I been writing to the Agency, when I know of the very thing myself! The Polwheedles' governess is just leaving them ; she 's been there over fifteen years. Lady Pol- wheedle told me she was a treasure. I wonder if she 'd go ! ' " Is she what mamma wants ? " " My dear, you '11 be most lucky to get her. I '11 write at once and ask her to come to lunch to-morrow. I met her there. She 's an admirable person." Mrs. Hilary wheeled round again. I shook my head at Miss Phyllis. " Poor children ! " said I. " Manage a bit of fun for them sometimes." Miss Phyllis assumed a staid and virtuous air. " They must be properly brought up, Mr. Carter," said she. " Is there a House Opposite ? " I asked ; and Miss Phyllis blushed. Mrs. Hilary advanced, holding out a letter. " You may as well post this for me," said she. " Oh, and would you like to come to lunch to- morrow ? " 109 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES " To meet the Paragon ? " " No. She '11 be there, of course ; but you see it's Saturday, and Hilary will be here; and I thought you might take him off somewhere and leave Phyllis and me to have a quiet talk with her." " That won't amuse her much," I ventured to remark. " She 's not coming to be amused" said Mrs. Hilary, severely. "All right ; I '11 come," said I, taking my hat. " Here 's the note for Miss Bannerman," said Mrs. Hilary. That sort of thing never surprises me. I looked at the letter and read " Miss M. E. Bannerman." " M. E." stood for " Maud Elizabeth." I put my hat back on the table. " What sort of a looking person is this Miss Bannerman ? " I asked. " Oh, a spare, upright woman — hair a little gray, and — I don't know how to describe it — her face looks a little weather-beaten. She wears glasses." "Thank you," said I. "And what sort of a looking person am I?" Mrs. Hilary looked scornful. Miss Phyllis opened her eyes. " How old do I look, Miss Phyllis? " I asked. no A REMINISCENCE Miss Phyllis scanned me from top to toe. " I don't know," she said uncomfortably. " Guess," said I, sternly. " F-forty-three — oh, or forty-two? " she asked, with a timid upward glance. " When you 've done your nonsense — " began Mrs. Hilary ; but I laid a hand on her arm. " Should you call me fat ? " I asked. " Oh, no, not fat" said Mrs. Hilary, with a smile, which she strove to render reassuring. " I am undoubtedly bald," I observed. " You 're certainly bald," said Mrs. Hilary, with regretful candour. I took my hat and remarked, — " A man has a right to think of himself, but I am not thinking mainly of myself. I shall not come to lunch." " You said you would," cried Mrs. Hilary, indignantly. I poised the letter in my hand, reading again, cc Miss M(aud) E(lizabeth) Bannerman." Miss Phyllis looked at me curiously, Mrs. Hilary impatiently. " Who knows," said I, " that I may not be a Romance — a Vanished Dream — a Green Mem- ory — an Oasis ? A person who has the fortune to be an Oasis, Miss Phyllis, should be very care- ful. I will not come to lunch." 1 1 1 it THE DOLLY DIALOGUES " Do you mean that you used to know Miss Bannerman ? " asked Mrs. Hilary, in her pleasant prosaic way. It was a sin seventeen years old : it would hardly count against the blameless Miss Banner- man now. "You may tell her when I 'm gone," said I to Miss Phyllis. Miss Phyllis whispered in Mrs. Hilary's ear. Another ! " cried Mrs. Hilary, aghast. It was the very first," said I, defending myself. Mrs. Hilary began to laugh. I smoothed my hat. " Tell her," said I, " that I remembered her very well." " I shall do no such thing," said Mrs. Hilary. " And tell her," I continued, " that I am still handsome." " I shan't say a word about you," said Mrs. Hilary. " Ah, well, that will be better still," said I. " She '11 have forgotten your very name," remarked Mrs. Hilary. I opened the door, but a thought struck me. I turned round and observed, — " I dare say her hair 's just as soft as ever. Still — I '11 lunch some other day." 112 XIV ANCIENT HISTORY 'VE been hearing something about you, Mr. Carter," Dolly remarked, stroking the Persian kitten which she had bought to match her hair. " I 'm very weak. I shall like to hear it too." And I sat down. Dolly kissed the kitten and went on. " About you and Dulcie Mildmay." " That 's very ancient history," said I, rather disgusted. " You admit it is history, though ? " " History is what women have agreed to repeat, Lady Mickleham." " Oh, if you 're going to take it like that ! I thought we were friends — and — " " There is no greater mark of friendship," I observed, " than a complete absence of interest in one's doings." " An absence of interest ? " smiled Dolly, re- tying the kitten's bow in a meditative way. 8 113 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES " It makes the heart grow fonder (not, of course, that that's desirable). You notice, for example, that I don't ask where Archie is. It 's not my business ; it 's enough for me that he is n't here." "You always were easily pleased," said Dolly, kindly. " So with you and me. When we are together, we are — " " Friends," said she, with a touch of firmness, as I thought. "We are, as I was about to say, happy. When I 'm away, what am I to you ? Nothing ! " "Well, I 've an awful lot to do," murmured Dolly. "And what are you to me? " I pursued. "A pleasing memory ! " " Thank you, Mr. Carter. But about Dulcie Mildmay ? " "Very well; only I wish you'd be a little more recent." You were in love with her, you know." I trust I 'm always ready to learn," said I, resignedly. " Oh, it 's not as if I meant there was anything — anything there ought n't to be." " Then indeed we would discuss it." It was long before she married." 114 (C «Mf« I "I've bee?i be tiring something about you, Mr. Carter" ANCIENT HISTORY cc You must really forgive me then. She mar- ried in — '94. April 15th, to be precise. I beg your pardon, Lady Mickleham ? " " I just smiled. You 've such a splendid mem- ory for dates." " Uncle Joseph died last week and left me a legacy." " It 's really no use, Mr. Carter. Mrs. Hilary told me all about it." " I never can conceal anything. It don't do, from Mrs. Hilary." "You very nearly proposed to Dulcie, down the river one day. She had great difficulty in stop- ping you." " Preposterous ! Is there ever any difficulty in stopping me ? " Dolly placed the kitten on her left shoulder, so that it could rub its face against her ear. This action had all the effect of an observation. "Though what you saw in her I can't think," she added. "You should have asked me at the time," said I. "Anyhow you were quite depressed for a month afterwards — Mrs. Hilary said so." " Occasionally," I remarked, " Mrs. Hilary does me justice. I should have been depressed only — " " Only what ? " "5 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES " Thankfulness supervened," said I. " Then you did nearly — ? " " Oh, well, I was a little tempted, perhaps." "You oughtn't to yield to temptation." " Well, somebody must, or the thing becomes absurd," said I. " I shall have to keep my eye on you, Mr. Carter." "Well, I like having pretty things about me — " " That 's rather obvious," interrupted Dolly, scornfully. "And so," I pursued, "I daresay I enjoyed myself with Dulcie Mildmay." Dolly put the kitten down on the floor with quite a bump. I took my hat. "Your story," said I, as I brushed my hat, " has n't come to much, Lady Mickleham." Dolly was not put out ; nay, she picked up the kitten again and started rubbing its fur the wrong way. "When you were a child, Mr. Carter — " she began. " Dear, dear ! " I murmured, stroking the crown of my head. " Did you use to tell the truth ? " I put my hat back on the table. The conversa- tion began to interest me. " You may have noticed," said I, " that I am a man of method ! " 116 ANCIENT HISTORY « You do call regularly," Dolly agreed. " I was the same at the B. C. sort of period you refer to. I had an invariable rule. I lied first." " Yes, and then — ? " " Oh, they made a row. Then I told the truth, and was rewarded. If I 'd told the truth the first time, you see, I should have got nothing. The thing would have degenerated into a matter of course, and I should have lost the benefit of confession." " You got off", I suppose, by confessing ? " " I did. A halcyon period, Lady Mickleham. In later life one gets off by professing. Have you observed the difference ? " " Professing what ? " "An attachment to somebody else, to be sure. Were n't we talking of Dulcie Mildmay ? ' " I asked you that question because Mrs. Hil- ary's little girl — " " I am acquainted with that sad episode," I interposed. " Indeed, I took occasion to observe that I hoped it would make Mrs. Hilary more charitable to other people. As a matter of fact, it rather pleased me. Righteousness should n't run in families. It is all very well as a c Sport,' but — " " I don't see much sport in it," interrupted Dolly. " I was speaking scientifically — " 117 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES " Then please don't." She paused and resumed in a thoughtful tone. " It reminded me of my first flirtation." " This is indeed ancient history," I cried. "Yes, I 'm twenty-four." In silent sympathy we stroked opposite ends of the Persian kitten. " I did n't care one bit about him," Dolly assumed. "Art for art's sake," said I, nodding approvingly. " But there was nothing else to do and — " " Are you busy this afternoon ? " " I was only sixteen and not very particular. I met him at the Wax-Works — " " Are they so called because they make parents angry ? " "There was a hospital close to, and by an un- lucky chance our Vicar induced mamma to visit it. Well, we ran into mamma coming out, you see." " What happened ? " I asked. " Oh, I said I 'd met him when I was with papa at Kissingen. Don't make another pun, please." " Did papa play up ? " " I had n't time to see him first," said Dolly, sadly. " Mamma drove down and picked him up in the City." " I detest a suspicious temperament like that," said I. " What did it come to ? " 118 « it ANCIENT HISTORY " No parties, and extra French for weeks," sighed Dolly. " Mamma said she would n't have minded if only I 'd spoken the truth." " If she really meant that," I remarked cau- tiously, "there was the basis of an understanding." " Of course she did n't. That was just rubbing it in, you know." We relapsed into a pensive silence. Dolly gave the kitten milk, I pulled its tail. We had become quite thoughtful. " I always tell the truth now, except to the Dowager," said Dolly, presently. It does n't do to be quixotic," I agreed. Telling the truth to people who misunderstand you is really promoting falsehood, is n't it?" " That 's rather a good idea," said Dolly. "And if you — " Adapt ? " Yes — why then they get it just right, don't they ? You think of quite sensible things some- times, Mr. Carter." Often when I 'm not with you," said I. And I suppose you adapted in telling me about Dulcie Mildmay ?," " Do you know, I 've a sort of idea that I con- fused her with somebody else." " That 's not very complimentary." " Oh, I don't know. I remember the scene so 119 cc cc cc cc THE DOLLY DIALOGUES well. It was in a backwater under a tree. There was a low bough over the water, and she — " " Who ? " asked Dolly, resuming exclusive possession of the kitten. " Well, whoever it was — hung her hat on the bough. It was about eight o'clock, a very pleas- ant evening. I happen to recollect that the cushions were blue. And she wore blue. And I was blue, until — Did you say that she refused me r " Mrs. Hilary says she did n't let it come to that." " Mrs. Hilary is right as usual. We got home at ten and — Your mother could n't have meant what she said, I think." " I don't see how mamma comes in," said Dolly, in a voice muffled by kitten fur. " Because her mother minded considerably, although we spoke the truth." " What did you do that for ? " asked Dolly, reprovingly. " Oh, because other people had seen us from a punt. So we just said that time had flown — not, perhaps, a particularly tactful thing to say. And that's the whole truth about Dulcie Mildmay." I rose and took my hat again, as if I meant it this time too. Dolly rose too, and held out one hand to me ; the other contained the kitten. 1 20 ANCIENT HISTORY " What was the hat like? " asked Dolly. "Just such a hat as you'd wear yourself," said I. " I never wear hats like Dulcie Mildmay's." > see. " Really we were not to blame," I urged. Oh, but does n't it seem funny ? " A strange whirligig, no doubt," I mused. There was a pause. Then the faintest of smiles appeared on Dolly's face. " He should n't have worn such clothes," she said, as though in self-defence. " Anybody would have looked absurd in them." " It was all the clothes," I agreed. " Besides, 140 cc A QUICK CHANGE when a man does n't know a place, he always moons about and looks — " " Yes. Rather awkward, does n't he, Mr. Carter ? " " And the mere fact of his looking at you — " " At us, please." " Is nothing, although we made a grievance of it at the time." " That was very absurd of you," said Dolly. " It was certainly unreasonable of us," said I. " We ought to have known he was a gentleman." " But we scouted the idea of it," said I. " It was a most curious mistake to make," said Dolly. " Oh, well, it's all put right now," said I. " Oh, Mr. Carter, do you remember mamma's face when we described him ? " " That was a terrible moment," said I, with a shudder. " I said he was — ugly/' whispered Dolly. " And I said — something worse," murmured I. " And mamma knew at once from our descrip- tion that it was — " " She saw it in a minute," said I. " And then you went away." " Well, I rather suppose I did," said I. " Mamma is just a little like the Dowager some- times," said Dolly. 141 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES " There is a touch now and then," I conceded. "And when I was introduced to him the next day I absolutely blushed." " I don't altogether wonder at that," I observed. " But it was n't as if he'd heard what we were saying." " No ; but he 'd seen what we were doing." " Well, what were we doing ? ' : cried Dolly, defiantly. " Conversing confidentially," said I. " And a week later you went home ! " " Just one week later," said I. There was a long pause. " Well, you '11 take me to the theatre ? " asked Dolly, with something which, if I were so dis- posed, I might consider a sigh. " I 've seen the piece twice," said I. " How tiresome of you ! You 've seen every- thing twice." " I 've seen some things much oftener," I observed. " I '11 get a nice girl for you to talk to, and I '11 have a young man." " I don't want my girl to be too nice" I observed. " She shall be pretty," said Dolly, generously. " I don't mind if I do come with you," said I. " What becomes of Archie ?" 142 A QUICK CHANGE "He's going to take his mother and sisters to the Albert Hall." My face brightened. " I am unreasonable," I admitted. " Sometimes you are," said Dolly. " I have much to be thankful for. Have you ever observed a small boy eat a penny ice ? " "Of course I have," said Dolly. " What does he do when he's finished it ? " " Stops, I suppose." "On the contrary," said I, "he licks the glass." " Yes, he does," said Dolly, meditatively. " It's not so bad, — licking the glass," said I. Dolly stood opposite me, smiling. At this mo- ment Archie entered. He had been working at his lathe. He is very fond of making things which he does n't want, and then giving them to people who have no use for them. " How are you, old chap ?" he began. " I 've just finished an uncommon pretty — " He stopped, paralysed by a cry from Dolly, — " Archie, what in the world are you wearing ? " I turned a startled gaze upon Archie. " It's just an old suit I routed out," said he, apologetically. I looked at Dolly ; her eyes were close shut, and she gasped, — " My dear, dear boy, go and change it ! " 143 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES " I don't see why it's not — " " Go and change it, if you love me," besought Dolly. " Oh, all right." " You look hideous in it," she said, her eyes still shut. Archie, who is very docile, withdrew. A guilty silence reigned for some moments. Then Dolly opened her eyes. " It was the suit," she said, with a shudder. " Oh, how it all came back to me ! " " I could wish," I observed, taking my hat, "that it would all come back to me." " I wonder if you mean that ! " " As much as I ever did," said I, earnestly. " And that is — ?" " Quite enough." " How tiresome you are ! ' she said, turning away with a smile. Outside I met Archie in another suit. " A quick change, eh, my boy ? " said he. " It took just a week," I remarked absently. Archie stared. 144 XVIII A SLIGHT MISTAKE DON'T ask you for more than a guinea," said Mrs. Hilary, with a parade of forbearance. " It would be the same," I re- plied politely, " if you asked me for a thousand ; " with which I handed her half-a-crown. She held it in her open hand, regarding it scornfully. " Yes," I continued, taking a seat, " I feel that pecuniary gifts — " " Half-a-crown ! " "Are a poor substitute for personal service. May not I accompany you to the ceremony ? ' " I dare say you spent as much as this on wine with your lunch ! " ** I was in a mad mood to-day," I answered apologetically. " What are they taught at the school ? " " Above all, to be good girls," said Mrs. Hilary, earnestly. " What are you sneering at, Mr. Carter ? " IO i4S THE DOLLY DIALOGUES " Nothing," said I, hastily, and I added with a sigh, " I suppose it 's all right." " I should like," said Mrs. Hilary, meditatively, " if I had not other duties, to dedicate my life to the service of girls." " I should think twice about that, if I were you," said I, shaking my head. " By the way, Mr. Carter, I don't know if I Ve ever spoken unkindly of Lady Mickleham. I hope not." " Hope," said I, "is not yet taxed." " If I have, I 'm very sorry. She 's been most kind in undertaking to give away the prizes to-day. There must be some good in her." " Oh, don't be hasty ! " I implored. " I always wanted to think well of her." " Ah ! Now I never did." " And Lord Mickleham is coming, too. He '11 be most useful." " That settles it," I exclaimed. " I may not be an earl, but I have a perfect right to be useful. I '11 go too." " I wonder if you '11 behave properly," said Mrs. Hilary, doubtfully. I held out a half-sovereign, three half-crowns, and a shilling. " Oh, well, you may come, since Hilary can't," said Mrs. Hilary. 146 A SLIGHT MISTAKE "You mean he won't," I observed. " He has always been prevented hitherto," said she, with dignity. So I went, and it proved a most agreeable expe- dition. There were two hundred girls in blue frocks and white aprons (the girl three from the end of the fifth row was decidedly pretty) — a nice lot of prize books — the Micklehams (Dolly in de- mure black), ourselves, and the matron. All went well. Dolly gave away the prizes ; Mrs. Hilary and Archie made little speeches. Then the matron came to me. I was sitting modestly at the back of the platform, a little distance behind the others. " Mr. Musgrave," said the matron to me, " we 're so glad to see you here at last. Won't you say a few words ? " " It would be a privilege," I responded cordially, "but unhappily I have a sore throat." The matron (who was a most respectable woman) said, " Dear, dear ! " but did not press the point. Evidently, however, she liked me, for when we went to have a cup of tea, she got me in a corner and began to tell me all about the work. It was extremely interesting. Then the matron observed, — " And what an angel Mrs. Musgrave is ! " " Well, I should hardly call her that," said h with a smile. 147 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES >> . " But that 's the same thing." " The antithesis is certainly imperfect," I admitted. " Mr. Gay," said Nellie, introducing the name with some timidity, "you know who I mean ? — the poet — once said to me that man was essentially imperfect until he was married." "It is true," I agreed. "And woman until she is dead." " I don't think he meant it quite in that sense," said Nellie, rather puzzled. " I don't think he meant it in any sense," mur- mured Dolly, a little unkindly. We might have gone on talking in this idle way for ever so long had not Archie at this point dropped a large flower-pot and smashed it to bits. He stood looking at the bits for a moment, and then came towards us and sank into a chair. " I 'm off! " he announced. "And half are on one side, and half on the other," said Dolly, regretfully. A sudden impulse seized me. I got up, put on my straw hat, took off my coat, walked out into the sun, and began to move flower-pots across the broad terrace. I heard a laugh from Archie, a little cry from Dolly, and from Nellie Phaeton, 171 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES "Goodness! what's he doin' that for?" I was not turned from my purpose. The luncheon bell rang. Miss Phaeton, whip and twine in hand, walked into the house. Archie followed her, saying as he passed that he hoped I should n't find it warm. I went on shifting the flower-pots. They were very heavy. I broke two, but I went on. Presently Dolly put up her parasol and came out from the shade to watch me. She stood there for a moment or two. Then she said, — " Well, do you think you 'd like it, Mr. Carter? " " Wait till I 've finished," said I, waving my hand. Another ten minutes saw the end of my task. Panting and hot, I sought the shade, and flung myself on to my deck-chair again. I also lit a cigarette. "I think they looked better on the other side, after all," said Dolly, meditatively. " Of course you do," said I, urbanely. " You needn't tell me that." " Perhaps you 'd like to move them back," she suggested. "No," said I. "I've done enough to create the impression." " And how did you like it? " " It was," said I, " in its way a pleasant enough 172 WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN illusion." And I shrugged my shoulders, and blew a ring of smoke. To my very considerable gratification, Dolly's tone manifested some annoyance as she asked, — " Why do you say l in its way ' ? " " Because, in spite of the momentary pleasure I gained from feeling myself a married man, I could not banish the idea that we should not permanently suit one another." " Oh, you thought that ? " said Dolly, smiling again. " I must confess it," said I. "The fault, I know, would be mine." " I 'm sure of that," said Dolly. " But the fact is that I can 't exist in too high altitudes. The rarefaction of the moral atmos- phere — " " Please don't use all those long words." "Well, then, to put it plainly," said I, with a pleasant smile, " I felt all the time that Mrs. Hilary would be too good for me." It is not very often that it falls to my humble lot to startle Lady Mickleham out of her com- posure. But at this point she sat up quite straight in her chair; her cheeks flushed, and her eyelids ceased to droop in indolent insouciance. " Mrs. Hilary ! "she said. " What has Mrs. Hilary—?" i73 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES " I really thought you understood," said I, " the object of my experiment." Dolly glanced at me. I believe that my ex- pression was absolutely innocent — and I am, of course, sure that hers expressed mere surprise. " I thought," she said, after a pause, " that you were thinking of Nellie Phaeton." "Oh, I see," cried I, smiling. "A natural mistake, to be sure ! " " She thought so too," pursued Dolly, biting her lip. " Did she, though ? " "And I'm sure she'd be quite annoyed if she thought you were thinking of Mrs. Hilary." "As a matter of fact," I observed, " she didn't understand what I was doing at all." Dolly leant back. The relics of a frown still dwelt on her brow ; presently, however, she began to swing her hat on her forefinger, and she threw a look at me. I immediately looked up towards the branches above my head. " We might as well go in to lunch," said Dolly. " By all means," I acquiesced, with alacrity. We went out into the sunshine, and came where the pots were. Suddenly Dolly said, — " Go back and sit down again, Mr. Carter." " I want my lunch," I ventured to observe. i74 WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN " Do as I tell you," said Dolly, stamping her foot ; whereat, much intimidated, I went back, and stretched myself once more on the deck-chair. Dolly approached a flower-pot. She stooped down, exerted her strength, lifted it, and carried it, not without effort, across the terrace. Again she did the like. I sat smoking and watching. She lifted a third pot, but dropped it halfway. Then, dusting her hands against one another, she came back slowly into the shade and sat down. I made no remark. Dolly glanced at me. " Well ? " she said. " Woman — woman — woman ! " said I, sadly. " Must I carry some more ? " asked Dolly, in a humble yet protesting tone. " Mrs. Hilary," I began, " is an exceedingly attractive — " Dolly rose with a sigh. " Where are you going ? " I asked. " More pots," said Dolly, standing opposite me. " I must go on, you see." " Till when, Lady Mickleham ? " " Till you tell the truth," said Dolly, and she suddenly burst into a little laugh. "Woman — woman — woman!" said I again. " Let 's go in to lunch." " I 'm going to carry the pots," said Dolly. "It's awfully hot, Mr. Carter — and look at my poor hands !" 175 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES She held them out to me. " Lunch ! " said I. " Pots ! " said Dolly, with infinite firmness. The window of the dining-room opened and Archie put his head out. " Come along, you two," he called. " Every- thing 's getting cold." Dolly turned an appealing glance on me. " How obstinate you are!" she said. "You know perfectly well — " I began to walk towards the house. " I 'm going in to lunch," said I. " Ask them to keep some for me," said Dolly, and she turned up the sleeves of her gown till her wrists were free. " It's most unfair," said I, indignantly. " I don't care if it is," said Dolly, stooping down to lift a pot. I watched her strain to lift it. She had chosen the largest and heaviest ; she sighed delicately and delicately she panted. She also looked at her hands, and held them up for me to see the lines of brown on the pink. I put my hands in my pockets and said most sulkily, as I turned away towards the house, — " All right. It was n't Mrs. Hilary, then." Dolly rose up, seized me by the arm, and made me run to the house. 176 WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN " Mr. Carter," she cried, " would stop for those wretched pots. He's moved all except two, but he's broken three. Is n't he stupid ? " "You are an old ass, Carter," said Archie. " I believe you 're right, Archie," said I. 12 177 XXII A FATAL OBSTACLE HAT I can't make out," I H observed (addressing myself to Lady Jane), " is why women don't fall in love with me. I 'm all a man should be, and a rea- sonable number of things that he should n't." Lady Jane always tries to be polite. " Perhaps it 's just that you don't find it out," she suggested after a moment's consideration. "I shall adopt that view," said I, cordially. " It will add a spice to the most formal greeting." " It '11 make you do awfully silly things," re- marked Dolly, with an air of experience. Lady Jane was looking thoughtful. " Mamma says love comes with marriage," she went on presently. "Yes, generally," I assented. "Not," I added, turning to Dolly, " that three in a brougham is really comfortable, you know." " One has to invite him sometimes," Dolly murmured. 178 A FATAL OBSTACLE "Oh, but I 'm sure mamma meant — " " Mamma meant that you 'd been flirting with the curate, Jane." "Dorothea dear!" gasped Lady Jane. "The secret of love lies, I suppose, in unselfish- ness." (I threw out the suggestion in a tentative way.) " That 's what makes Archie such a good hus- band," said Dolly. "It must, of course, exist on both sides, Lady Mickleham." "Oh, no, that's tiresome. It's like getting through the door, — nobody '11 go first." " True. You spend all your time trying to be allowed to do what you don't want to do ; and the other party does the same." " Mr. Shenton says that the power of sympathy is the real secret of it." Mr. Shenton, by the way, is the curate. I glanced at Dolly and shook my head ; she nodded approvingly. Thus buttressed, I re- marked deliberately, — "The power of sympathy has wrecked far more homes than it has — er — blessed. I would, on the whole, back it against the Victoria Cross." "I think I could love a man just for being good," mused Lady Jane. "Oh, you impossible kind of an old dear!" 179 cc cc THE DOLLY DIALOGUES Dolly gurgled affectionately. " Besides, that 's no use to poor Mr. Carter." "I am not sovery bad," said I. "Come now, we'll run through my vices and — " " I think I forgot to water that fern," said Lady Jane, rather suddenly. " There was once a governess — ' I began, thinking to beguile Dolly's leisure with the story. Lady Jane had left us. " I know about that. Mrs. Hilary told me." Then you're quite friends now?" Not particularly, but one must talk about something. — There was another girl in love with you once, too." "Why not have told me at the time? I should have enjoyed it." " I mustn't tell you her name." I did not speak for a moment. " Well, then, it was Agatha Hornton." " Agatha Martin that is ? " " I suppose she thought that, as you were hope- less " (Dolly was seeming a good deal amused at something), " she might as well marry Captain Martin." "One can be unhappy without being absurd," said I, rather crossly. " Dear, dear ! c Having known me, to decline — '" " Decline ? I did n't say she absolutely asked you!" 180 "She used to bore me awfully about you' A FATAL OBSTACLE " I wish you would read a little poetry some- times. Your ignorance cramps my conversation. Was she very fond of me ? " " She thought you handsome" said Dolly, con- clusively. "It was a grande -passion ? ' " Oh, no. She 'd been very well brought up. But she just adored you." "She was a nice girl, — a thoroughly nice girl. I never thought much of Martin. Ugly fellow, >> too. " She used to bore me awfully about you. You see, I was her great friend, and she knew she could trust me." " Not to give her away? " " Yes," said Dolly, gently caressing the Japan- ese pug that the Admiral Commanding on the Pacific Station has recently sent her. " It 's beautiful how you women stand by one another," I observed. " What was it that particu- larly attracted her in me ? " " I reallv cannot think," said Dolly ; " any more than I can think what attracted — ■ Oh, do you mind ringing the bell ? It 's Fushahima's tea-time." " I wish she took it a minute later," said I, as I obeyed. " Martin was a very dull chap, you know." 181 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES " Something seems to have set you thinking of Captain Martin." " I met them all coming back from church (they were coming back, I mean) a Sunday or two ago. Four, are n't there ? " " Five. Three girls and two boys." " Getting big too, are n't they ? " " Fine children, Mr. Carter," observed Dolly, cheerfully. " She was certainly a clever girl — in those days." " Ah, in those days ! " Dolly murmured with an indulgent smile, — one that means you can go on if you like, but that you are obviously rather foolish. " Idyllic happiness," said I, resuming my seat, " comes to very few of us, Lady Mickleham." " Well, one marries, or something, you see." " There is, of course, one 's career." " Archie 's quite keen on being an Under- Secretary." " I may not understand, but I am willing to admire. Why did n't the girl encourage me ? I expect that 's all I wanted." " Well, what do you mean by encouragement ? " asked Dolly, pulling Fushahima's ears ; she is always alive to the artistic value of the brute creation. 182 A FATAL OBSTACLE " What I mean by it is conveying, how- ever delicately, that I was the only man in the world she ever did or ever could care for. Is n't that what you used to mean by it, Lady Mickleham ? " " You can take Fushahima, Pattern," said Dolly. "Yes, my lady." " Not too much cream in her milk." " Very good, my lady." " What were you saying, Mr. Carter ? ' " I forget, my lady." There was a moment's silence — sometimes there should be. Then I took my tea and stood on the hearth- rug, drinking it. " Solitude, I believe, has its consolations, when one looks at other people's families. Besides, it 's surprising the number of little luxuries I get for nothing." " For nothing ? " " Well, out of Mrs. Carter's dress-allowance. It 's quite moderate, — only four hundred a year, — but it keeps a cab, and buys a little drawing, per- haps, and so on. It 's a great comfort, I assure you." Dolly began to laugh gently. " She 'd have exceeded it, and I never do more than anticipate it," I pursued. 183 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES « I 've sometimes wondered at your extrava- gance." " Ah, well, you understand it now." " Did the allowance include frocks for the girls ? " " Pray curb your imagination, Lady Mickle- ham." " You quite shuddered ! " " I had visions of short stiff frocks and lono- black stockings — like a family group at the Royal Academy — all legs and innocence, you know." " Yes, and all named Carter ! " sighed Dolly, with a commiserating air. " You don't like the name ? " " Not much." I looked at Dolly. I think we must have smiled. " I might have known there was some such reason," said I. " I do wonder what 's become of Jane, and why they don't bring Fushahima back," said Dolly. " It's always a comfort to get at the real reason of anything. Now if my name had been Vavas- our — or — " " I don't mind * Mr. Carter ' so much, but ' Mrs. Carter' sounds horrible," Dolly explained. " Girls being, as we all know, in the habit of writing the competing names in conjunction with 184 A FATAL OBSTACLE their own Christian names on the backs of en- velopes and the fly-leaves of library books, in order to see how they look, I can well understand that if it came to a choice between Carter and — " At this point, before I had fully developed my remark, Lady Jane came back. She sometimes does by accident what the Dowager would do on purpose. Heredity, I imagine. " I 've been thinking about it," said Lady Jane, " and I 'm quite sure it 's goodness of heart." " A fatal obstacle ! " I said, shaking my head despondently. " Another ! " murmured Dolly, with a lift of her brows. " Shining through, you know, Mr. Carter," added Lady Jane. " I really don't see the use of continuing the conversation." "You must encourage him, Dorothea," said Lady Jane, with a smile. Dolly laughed ; I won't swear she did n't blush just a trifle. " Oh, I 've given up trying to do that long ago, Jane dear," said she. ' She used to succeed far too well, you know. Oh, but pray allow me to hand you a cup of tea." I went away soon afterwards. I had to pay a call — on the Martins. 185 XXIII THE CURATE'S BUMP |HAT is the harm ? " I asked at lunch, "in being fat?" and I looked round the table. I had led up to this subject be- cause something which fell from Mrs. Hilary Musgrave the other day led me to suppose that I might appear to be growing stouter than I used to be. " It does n't matter in a man," said Nellie Phaeton. " That," I observed, " is merely part of the favourite pretence of your sex." And what 's that, Mr. Carter ? " asked Dolly. That you 're indifferent to a pleasing appear- ance in man. It won't go down." " It would if you ate less," said Dolly, wilfully misunderstanding me. " Napoleon was fat," remarked Archie ; he is studying history. " Mamma is rather fat," said Lady Jane, break- ing a long silence ; her tone seemed to imply that it was a graceful concession on the Dowager's part. 186 u THE CURATE'S BUMP " I should n't say you ever had much of a figure," observed Dolly, gazing at me dispassion- ately. " Mamma," resumed Lady Jane, with an amia- ble desire to give me useful information, " drinks nothing but lemonade. I make it hot for her and — " " I should like to do that," said I, longingly. "It's the simplest thing in the world," cried Lady Jane. " You can do it for yourself. You just take — " " A pretty girl," I murmured absently. "I — I beg your pardon, Lady Jane. You see, Miss Phaeton is opposite and my thoughts wandered." " It 's no use talkin' sensibly where you are," said Miss Nellie, very severely, and she rose from the table. " Won 't anyone have any rice pudding ? " asked Archie, appealingly. "If I were a camel I would," said I. " Why a camel, Mr. Carter ? " asked Lady Jane. " A camel, Lady Jane, is so constructed that it could keep one exclusively for rice pudding." " One what, Mr. Carter ? " I strolled to the window, where Dolly stood looking out. " Dear Jane ! " said Dolly. " She never sees anything." 187 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES " I wish there were more like her," said I, cor- dially. " She does n't inherit it from her mother, though." " No, the Dowager sees a great deal more than there is there," laughed Dolly, glancing at me. " But fortunately," said I, " not all there is in other places." "Mamma says — " we heard Lady Jane re- marking at the table. We strolled out into the garden. " Now, is n't that provoking ? ' cried Dolly. " They have n't rolled the tennis lawn, and the people will be here directly." " Shall I ask Archie to ask somebody to get somebody ? " " They 've all gone to dinner, I expect. Sup- pose you roll it, Mr. Carter. It'll be so good for you. Exercise is what you want." " Exercise is, no doubt, what I need," said I, doubtfully eying the roller. " It 's the same thing," said Dolly. " It 's an Eternal Antithesis," said I, taking off my coat. I began to roll. Dolly stood watching me for a moment. Then she went indoors. I went on rolling. Presently, raising my eyes from my task, I found the curate looking on ; he was in flannels and carried a racket. 188 I -^ 3 « <: >3 "^ •-» *■*» ■ ** ♦^ s; ■^ ^ „ ^ " i^ SV. •*-» •«-» -te SS "^ £» "^ ss «-v» W. *-— ■^ ■*-* <3 -^-> *-* Si ■v> ^ *\ & Si 11 .3 I k % 5 P % t-n SANCElfx* -< <$UIBF ^UIBRARY^ rtl lUlTi 1L1I7 V3? ^WEUNIVERS/a .*lOS-ANGElfj> SANGElfJV. Fig .^OFCAIIFO% AOFCALIF0% CD r*» ,\WEUNIVER%. ^lOS-ANGElfju S !0S ANGEL' i(TV <\UIBRARYO/J ™ 000 386 440 2 .^clOS-ANCElfj> ■~n ) LT 3 1158 00566 9824 •OF-CALIFOMi r -a c> ANCE y 0Atf J ^ 1-V^ % jlljl ^ * JUJ. \llitl xLOS-ANCE. 01* N Y0/: x