BJ UC-NRLF SB Eb3 751 \\ V-M UVI Im-.m University of California. GIFT OP' PRESENTED BY MRS. ELISABETH THOMPSON, OF NEW YORK. PHELPS' ELEMENTARY READER FOR PUBLIC SCHOOLS. For seldom yet did living creature see That Curtesie and manhood ever disagree. Spencer's Faerie Queene. Manners are what vex, or soothe, corrupt or purify, exalt or debase, barbarize or re- fine us, by a constant, steady, uniform, insensible operation like that of the air we breathe in. Burke. Extreme youth gives hope to a country; coupled with ceremonious manners, hope soon assumes the form of confidence. Beaconsfield. And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others. St. Matthew. \_Sixih Edition.'] BRATTLEBORO', VERMONT, CHENEY & CLAPP. SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA, I. N. CHOYNSKI, Agent for the Pacific Coast. 1881. COPYRIGHT, CHENEY & CLAPP. 1876. PREFACE. ;yERSITY The following treatise on Good Behavior has been compiled from the best sources, and is drawn up under a provision of the early educational laws of several New England States. It is designed simply as a READER for the reading classes of Public Schools, and for no other purpose ; though at times the TEACETER may find it neces- sary to call the attention of the pupil to some particular passage, or precept, and require him to read it aloud for his especial observance. The rules of Good Behavior are social laws ; and whoever would be just and true must first prescribe laws for himself before he undertakes to impose them upon others. We read that Lycurgus the lawgiver forbade his subjects to have any written laws, because he thought it more conducive to the virtue and happiness of a state that governing principles should be- come interwoven with the manners and breeding of the people. The habits which education created in the youth of the country, he thought, would have the controlling effect of law. The principles that are instilled in the process of acquiring the art of reading, are the most likely to produce an abiding influence upon the character of men. It was said by Franklin, that with all branches of prima- ry education there should be constantly cultivated that be- nignity of mind which shows itself in searching for and seizing every opportunity to serve and to oblige. It is the foundation of good breeding ; highly useful to the posses- sor, and most agreeable to all. CONTENTS. I. GENERAL PRECEPTS. II. DRESS. III. CARRIAGE AND BEARING. IV. CONVERSATION. V. AT THE TABLE. VI. RIDING AND DRIVING THE PROMENADE. VII. AT SCHOOL. .... VIII. WASHINGTON'S RULES OF BEHAVIOR. IX. THE RESOLUTIONS OF EDWARDS. X. JEFFERSON'S TEN RULES. . . APPENDIX. Hints for the building of School Houses. NOTE TO THE TEACHER. It is designed that the instruction to be derived from this book on the all important subject of good behavior, or self-discipline, shall be conreyed through its use as a READER, the practical application of the rules and pre- cepts being left chiefly to the reflection of the pupil; and for this purpose it is to be read through at least once, during each term of the public school course of education. GOOD BEHAVIOR. ARTICLE I. GENERAL PRECEPTS. 1 . Man in society requires laws for the control of his actions. But there are many things upon which our hap- piness depends which are of so delicate a nature that the mere laws of the land cannot reach them. To supply this deficiency, well ascertained rules and principles of social intercourse become necessary ; and these rules and principles, which must be determined by good sense and experience, are to govern us in that course of conduct which is variously termed urbanity, civility, politeness, good manners, good breeding, good behavior, etc. 2. By these principles we are required to govern our natural impulses ; restraining those which might prove of- fensive, and directing others so as to render them the most agreeable. Whatever natural peculiarities of char- acter a person may possess, and however charming some of them raay appear in all their untrained exuberance, yet, it must be remembered that, they would lose nothing of their value, but, on the contrary, would be heightened in effect bv being exhibited in accordance with the rules 6 GOOD BEHAVIOR. of good breeding. And no one should indulge the fancy that he is possessed of an originality of genius which places him above the observance of these rules ; for it is remarked that true genius is generally accompanied by benevolence of disposition ; and politeness, as we have elsewhere stated, is benevolence in little things. But of little things life is made up ; and, as their sum total may be productive of either much pain or pleasure, as pleasure is the end that we all in common seek, and as rational pleasure is a just pursuit, we cannot be too atten- tive to the little elements on which it depends. 3. Let us reflect for a moment what our feelings are on witnessing an enemy tying in death. All our animos- ities are at once forgotten ; na} 7 , we reproach ourselves, perhaps, for the many annoyances which had embittered his life, and which we might have easily spared him. We look upon his past career as that of a frail human be- ing like ourselves, blind and erring amidst the obstacles and difficulties which an inscrutable Providence, alike stern and good to us all, had thrown in his way : we look only upon the hardships and adverse fortune which he had to encounter, and regard him as one who had ever been more deserving of our sympathy and support than of our opposition and dislike. This solemn lesson from the grave should throw its influence around us wherever we go, whether into the peaceful shades of retirement, or amidst the conflict and jostle of the busy scenes of life. It would soften the asperities that serve to irritate and vex, it would strew flowers in the place of thorns, hallow our lives, dignify our character, and lend new charms and amenities even to the beauteous face of Nature herself. Human felicity depends not so much upon the laws enact- GENERAL PRECEPTS. 7 ed by legislatures as upon the little attentions that may be paid to each other, day by day, by individual citizens. 4. The sea too, as well as the grave, is not without those solemn lessons that may calm our spirits and chasten our manners. While out upon its stormy waters, how fool- ish then appear the passions that rage, perhaps, in some small village upon the land ! 5. Or even when languishing upon the bed of sickness how frivolous seem the thousand conflicts that embitter life ! And how beautiful then does health, freed from its turbulent passions, divested of needless strifes, seem to lie like a promised land in the distance, in all the inviting loveliness of harmony and peace ! And how ardently do we promise ourselves, if it be restored to us, to correct our errors, pluck out useless thorns, and in their place seek to cherish the friendly offices of kindness and regard ! 6. Such lessons as these, from Nature in her most se- rious aspects, should be heeded while we are yet in the robust state of health and youth. They are voices that, like the creative spirit, move over, the wild chaos of im- pulse in the 3 T outhful breast, and may attune the manners not only to the proprieties of the social world, but to the harmonies of the universe. 7. And first, it may be laid down as a maxim, that the only basis of good manners is a pure morality. It is true that the manners of a bad man may be polished and easy, but they can never be truty refined. One should live with men as if seen by God, and commune with God as if heard b}~ men. He who lives otherwise will ultimately dis- close an irregular character. 8. There is nothing which costs less, and at the same time is so valuable as good manners. They serve to guard 8 GOOD BEHAVIOR. us against surprises in the multifarious intercourse of life, which might impair the integrity of our moral character. 9. However rude others may be, we ourselves must always be civil and polite. The rules of good breeding are often the defence of those who infringe them the most. 10. In our intercourse with the world we should en- deavor to 'be always cheerful, and at times may be gay, but never moody, churlish, nor ill-natured. What can not be said in good nature had better not be said at all. Though nicknames expressive of kindness and endearment may at times be permitted, as for instance in families and among very intimate friends, } r et in general they are too vulgar to be used b}^ genteel persons. Give every one his due name and title. 11. Some young men have the idea that a practical familiarity with evil is necessary in order to complete their knowledge of the world ; but if man fell by a knowledge of evil, it is evident that the more familiar with it he is, the more he will fall. " Evil communications corrupt good manners. " Be discriminate in favor of good acts. It was well to sacrifice doves in the temple, but it was wrong to sell and traffic in sacrifices there. 12. It was the opinion of Isaac Walton that a true gentleman should be learned and humble, valiant and in- offensive, and virtuous and communicable. 13. To laugh in a loud tone is exceedingly offensive to cultivated persons, as is also stamping with the feet, or making a loud noise while walking over floors. And', indeed, anything in one's bearing which is bustling, or designed to attract attention, is generally inconsistent with politeness. . As far as possible all occasion for the remark or observation of others must be carefully avoided. GENERAL PRECEPTS. ^ 9 The polite person is quiet, simple in bis manners, and un- obtrusive, and ma}' always be recognized by these traits.,,. 14. By shunning affectation we shall spare ourselves and others a great deal of unpleasantness. It is a viola- tion done to Nature, which offends every one, and is a species of untruth. 15. Stud} 7 to frame your expressions in terms of kind- ness and respect ; for a careless word may inflict cruel and unmerited pain. Avoid as far as practicable ex- pressing } r our opinions upon wrong actions, for while you are hardly capable of judging of the whole ground, you know not whom you may thus offend. To speak in sharp tones of censure in ordinary conversation becomes no one ; and it is better to leave our sentiments to be in- ferred and justified by our usual mode of life. We may know the tree by its fruits ; and need not eat of such as we do not like. Leave judgment to Him who knows all hearts. 16 Passing between persons . who are engaged in con- versation with each other, or between persons and the fire, or unpleasantly near to them, should be avoided. If it were to become necessary, one should sa}~ " With your permission, Sir, or Madame," " Excuse me, Sir," at the same time making the person addressed a respect- ful obeisance. 17. As raiment is necessary to decency, so charity should cover many of the frailties of humanity. Delicacy of sentiment, as well as respect for humanity, requires us to abstain from unnecessarily exposing the faults of our neighbors. Of all persons there is no one so truly ridicu- lous and pitiable as he who ridicules others. It brought a curse upon Ham. It is often the evidence of great self- 10 GOOD BEHAVIOR. conceit and over-weening vanity, or of some more latent and worse defect of character still. They who sought to compass the death of Socrates, began by ridiculing his natural defects of person on the stage ; and they who derisively wagged their heads at a crucified Saviour, were triumphing in their own disgrace. 18. It is easier for wit to be malicious than magnani- mous. Which would .you prefer to be considered, gener- ous or witty, just or brilliant ? 19. To rally or joke one upon any subject must be very delicately done to be permissible : and least of all should one make rude allusions to a person's courtship or marriage. 20. Pretentions that go beyond the bounds of modesty, and great ambition in [little matters, such as a display in dress, manners, and etiquette, though they may excite the admiration of the ignorant, are, with the well bred, only subjects for pity. 21. In doing your friend a favor, or making him a present, strive to render it agreeable and acceptable to him, and be particularly careful not to lay him under any obligation, and never allude to it afterwards. No one will thank you for imposing upon him a restraint. Stud} 7 liberality in your gifts ; they benefit the giver rather than the receiver. To render the practice of liberality easy and graceful, children should be taught to share their things with others from their earliest da} T s. 22. Never complain of the wrongs or injuries that you may have received ; for the world is prone to impute one's complaints to some defect in himself rather than to the injustice of others. Eeligion teaches to forget injuries. Acts of ingratitude are much oftener suspected than committed. GENERAL PRECEPTS. 11 23. The well bred man is always careful never to make direct inquiries of any person concerning his absent friends, lest he might intrude upon some unknown grief. While receivng visits he never exhibits any signs of uneasiness or inconvenience from the presence of his visitors, however much he might wish them absent, and he never shuts the door after them violently, on their taking leave. 24. One will seldom err by maintaining a firm faith in the dignity of human nature, and in lending a slow credence to whatever is monstrously disgraceful to it. Charity thinketh no evil. A proper avoidance of evil suspicions will save the spirit from much unhealthfulness, as well as the features from certain lines that tend to mar their beauty. 25. It is a mark of true gentility to treat the lowly with kindness and affability. A sneer as little becomes the countenance as irony does the speech ; the less they are indulged in the better. A coarse, ill bred person will often be rude and insolent to inferiors. 26. Never treat any one with contempt. 27. Malice and envy will always be felt by the weak ; but good manners are a training that will aid us to sup- press their exhibition, and even by degrees to overcome their prevalence in society. 28. Coughing, sneezing, clearing the throat, etc., if done at all, must be done quietly. Sniffing, snuffling, ex- pectorating, must never be performed in society under any consideration. 29. In all our relations with our fellow men, whether public or private, anything approaching to coarseness, undue familiarity, or levity of conduct, is prolific of evil. As the vestal virgins of Rome were entrusted with the 12 GOOD BEHAVIOR. care of that sacred fire which was never to burn low, and never to be allowed to go out, so are our wives, mothers, and daughters, charged with the no less sacred worship of decorum. No amount of wealth, no amount of gener- osity, no amount of good management, can make a house- hold respected where decorum and good breeding are wanting. The tone of vulgarity infects alike the nur- sery, the kitchen and the drawing room, and is carried with us like a contagion wherever we go. A woman ex- ercises so much influence in her home, that the power of banishing an evil element rests chiefly with the wife, the mother, or the daughter of the family. If they are uniform!} 7 refined and modest in word and act ; if they re- prove every approach to lightness of conduct or indelicacy of speech ; if the}' deprecate all possible inroads upon the mutual respect which it is so essential to maintain between the members of a famity, they will assuredly have their reward in the peace, order, and happiness of their home. 30. If a person of greater age or higher position than your own desires you to step first into a carnage, or through a doorwa} T , it is more polite to bow and obey than to decline. Compliance with, and deference to, the wishes of others, if not carried to the extent of impairing moral integrity, is the finest breeding. 31. On entering a morning exhibition, or public room, especially where ladies are present, it is good breeding to lift the hat and give the assembl} 7 a bow, by way of a general salute to the compan} 7 . The Frenchman often does this on entering the railway car. It is not pleasant to be gazed at when entering an assembly. 32. Be careful never to make long calls or visits ; and avoid examining or handling the things, either upon the GENERAL PRECEPTS. 13 table or elsewhere, in your friend's house, unless invited so to do. Never touch objects of art with the fingers, cane, nor umbrella, nor even point at them. 33. A wide latitude must be allowed in Republics for difference of opinion, but every one is responsible that his own opinion shall conform to the truth, as nearly as possi- ble. As two persons often mutually step aside in order to avoid an accidental collision, so it is better to divert dis- cussion from that direct opposition of opinion which leads to heated and useless controversy. 34. Persons of genteel breeding will never indulge in what the ill-bred call jokes, which are often coarse mis- representations of fact, or perhaps positive falsehoods, delightful only to malicious tempers and perverted tastes. This vulgar trait has been noticed from very early times. The Bible speaks of men who scatter fire brands and death in the community, and claim exemption from the ill opinion which their wickedness merits, by saying that they are only in sport, as if their amusement could mitigate the wrong and suffering which they inflict upon others. A passion for equality may lead people to tear each other down ; but a passion for liberty and fraternity should in- cline us to build each other up. 35. The occasional pleasantry in which the well-bred indulge never conceals nor misrepresents the truth, but merely throws, as it were, a thin gauze over it, heighten- ing the pleasant effect as the veil sometimes does that of beauty, which it shields from too close a gaze. Plain sin- cerity and truth are always the best breeding. 36. The essence of politeness consists in so conduct- ing ourselves, in word and manner, that others may be pleased both with us and with themselves. 14 GOOD BEHAVIOR. 37. True politeness has been defined to be benevolence in little things. We are not to be polite merely because we wish to please, but because we wish to consider the feelings and spare the time of others ; because we enter- tain that charity "that thinketh no evil" ; because we are careful of our neighbor's reputation, property, and person- al comfort, as we would be of our own ; because, in a word, we desire to carry into every act of our daily life the spirit and practice of that religion which commands us to "Do unto others as we would they should do unto us". 38. Good behavior may well be regarded as a minor sort of morality ; it is an outwork for the defence of the laws, good morals, civilization and private rights. 39. The very best behavior consists chiefly in the ut- most unobtrusiveness. To be well bred and well behaved is to keep self in the background on every occasion ; to control every expression of strong feeling ; to be of noiseless bearing and gentle speech ; to abstain from all that may hurt the feelings or wound the prejudices of oth- ers ; to make small sacrifices without seeming to make them ; in a word, to remember that in society one lives for ethers and not for one's self. Boisterous demonstrations, or things done "just for fun", are seldom, and perhaps never, in good taste. 40. Nowhere does good behavior exhibit more grati- fying results than in the home circle. Tempered with love and fostered by all the kindly impulses, it improves the character and is productive of the happiest results. A true gentlewoman will show as much courtesy, and observe all the little duties of politeness as unfailingly, toward her parents, husband and famity as toward the greatest stran- gers. A true gentleman will never forget that if he is GENERAL PRECEPTS. 15 bound to exercise courtesy and kindness in his intercourse with the world, he is doubly bound to do so with the in- mates of his own household, and especially toward all those who depend upon him for advice, protection and example. He should be as careful of his manners as he is of his dress. 41. In order to be truly polite and well behaved we must be good, just and generous, and especially to our own household. Good manners begin there. 42. Etiquette is not politeness, but only the mere out- ward form of it ; too often the mere counterfeit. Polite- ness springs from those inward, spiritual graces, called modesty, unselfishness, generosity. The manners of a gentleman are the index of his soul. His speech is chaste and innocent because his life is pure ; his thoughts are sin- gle and direct because his actions are upright ; and his bearing is gentle because his impulses and his training are gentle also. A true gentleman is entirely free from every kind of pretence. He avoids homage instead of exacting it. Mere ceremonies have no attraction for him. He seeks not so much to say civil things as to do them. His hospitality, though hearty- and sincere, will be strictly reg- ulated by his means. His friends will be chosen for their good qualities and good manners ; his servants for their truthfulness and honesty ; his occupations for their useful- less, or their gracefulness, or their elevating tendencies, whether moral, or mental, or political. 43. But if truthfulness, gracefulness, considerateness, unselfishness are essential to the breeding of a true gen- tleman, how much more so must they be to the breeding of a true lady ! Her tact should be readier, her instincts fin- er, and her sympathies tenderer than those of the man. She must be even more upon her guard than a man in all 16 GOOD BEHAVIOR. those niceties of speech, look and manner, which are the special and indispensable qualities of good breeding. Ev- eiy little drawing-room ceremonial, forethought and atten- tion in anticipating the wants of her guests, and the whole etiquette of hospitality must be familiar to her. And even in these points, artificial though they be, her best guide, after all, is that practised kindness of heart which gives honor where honor is due, and which is ever anxious to study the convenience and pleasure of others. 44. Every mistress of a home must take especial care that her servants are capable, well trained, and reliable, and that her domestic arrangements are carried on as noiselessly and easily as if by machinery. In a well or- dered household the machinery is alwa} 7 s in order, and al- ways works out of sight. No well-bred woman will ever make her servants, her dinner arrangements, her nursery, or her domestic affairs a subject of conversation. The amusements and comforts of her guests are provided for without discussion or comment ; and whatever goes wrong is studiously withheld from the conversation of the draw- ing-room. Let no lady, however }^oung, beautiful, wealthy or gifted, for one moment imagine that the management of her house can be neglected with safety to her respecta- bility. Though she may be rich enough to have an effi- cient housekeeper, yet still, the final responsibility must rest upon her, and upon her alone. No tastes, no pleas- ures, must stand in the way of this important duty, and even if this duty should at first seem irksome, the fulfil- ment of it is sure to bring its own reward. 45. Cleanliness, plenty of fresh air, neatness, and quiet, are indispensable in a well ordered home. A fre- quent inspection from the cellar to the garret, with thor- GENERAL PKECEPTS. 17 ough ventilation, especially of sleeping apartments, a careful removal of all decaying substances, with a plentiful use of quick lime or ashes, to suppress the first evidence of foul odors, the source of which cannot be immediately purged, are as essential to health as they are to comfort and decency. It, is believed that not a few cases of typhoid fever, diphtheria and rheumatism, may be traced to the malaria arising from neglected barrels, boxes and corners in cellars and elsewhere. A very little deca}'ing matter, which some persons might overlook, even a neg- lected pantry, may poison the whole atmosphere of a house. Fresh air and sunshine should be admitted to the cellar as well as to the rooms, as often as possible, and no source of bad air should be neglected even for a part of a day. Good manners, no more than good morals or good health, can thrive in an ill-regulated household. 46. The question of housekeeping involves the question Of accounts. The best possible accounts are ready money, paid down at the purchase ; and if possible all others should be avoided. No lady can give the efforts of her husband 'a proper support, and set a good example to her family, without being rigidly exact and precise in this matter. Where bills are incurred at the shops, a suitable pass book should always be presented to the trader to have the items and their price entered ; and these bills should be regularly paid, as often as once a quarter, if practicable, receipted, and carefully filed away. By this means the household expenses can always be controlled and kept within due limits, and much unpleasantness be avoided. 47. In fine, good breeding may be ranked with the fine arts in its refining and elevating influence upon the char- acter of men. The labor and expense that are bestowed 18 GOOD BEHAVIOR. upon the block of marble, or upon the canvas, to give it the expression of the higher order of life, grace, and beauty, might yield a far more valuable return to the com- munity, if devoted to improving the manners of the poor and the outcast. 48. The twenty-second and twenty- third verses of the fifth chapter of the Epistle to the Galatians contain an entire code of good behavior in themselves. They teach love, cheerfulness, peace, forbearance, courtesy, goodness, faith, mildness of manners, and self-control. Whoever makes these the rule of his life rnustTbe a well bred person. 49. A constant fidelity in small things is a great and heroic virtue. 50. No well-bred man will allow his influence to be used by a combination to oppress his neighbor, or to re- strict the proper exercise of personal liberty ; nor will he find fault with public measures except to mend them. 51. In some parts of the world men bear the title of princes, and they ma} T have the gentle manners due to their rank ; but the man of a truly princely character is recog- nised not so much by the titles and the consideration that he receives, as by the careful attention which he pays to the interests and feelings of others. More personal re- spect and safety, and more public order and peace are se- cured by such attentions than b}- bearing arms or carry- ing concealed weapons. 52. If we treat men ill because of their reputed bad character, we assume the office not only of their judge but also of their executioner. 53. The barbarian boasts of having killed his man ; but the Christian should glory in doing his fellow man GENERAL PRECEPTS. 19 some service. Paulus JEmilius, the great Roman general who conquered Macedon, said that it required the same genius for getting up an entertainment to please friends that it did to draw up an army for defeating enemies. For which purpose is it better that genius should be em- ployed ? 54. The person who squanders his fortune on needless objects is not more unwise than he who makes a too ex- travagant or too familiar use of love and friendship ; for these are treasures of greater price than fame or riches. 55. A particular observance of conventional forms, es- peciall} T with intimate friends, ma} r seem of trifling impor- tance to some ; but forms may be compared to the vase in which the sweetest essence is preserved ; if the vase be broken the essence is likely to become lost. It is well not to be so familiar with any one as to enter his house or room without knocking. 56. As nearly as practicable mathematical exactness should be the spirit of our business transactions ; and es- pecially between friends. While generosity is a virtue that graces social intercourse, honesty is what is chiefly looked for in trade. While praying not to be led into temptation ourselves, we ought not to lead others into it, even to the extent of leaving an open till exposed to the most wealthy. 57. Of the well bred it may be said, in the words of Longfellow's Dante, They are so privileged by use and Nature, That though a guilty crowd misguide the world, They sole go right, and scorn the evil way. 20 GOOD BEHAVIOR 58. If we feel it necessary to disapprove one's acts, we must, for the dignity of human nature, and in consid- eration of our own faults, endeavor to spare his personal pride as much as possible. Let guilt appear in the facts proved, rather than in the charges made ; in the opinions of others rather than in the passionate denunciations of the accuser. The worst thing that we can say of the worst possible of men, can be easily echoed back by them upon ourselves ; but he must be a very abandoned char- acter indeed, who will treat us ill, if we strive to think well of him. BY THOMAS RANDOLPH, 1630. First worship God ; he that forgets to pray, Bids not himself good morrow nor good day. Let thy first labor be to purge thy sin, And serve Him first whence all things did begin, Honor thy parents to prolong thine end; With them, though for a truth, do not contend, Whoever makes his father's heart to bleed, Shall have a child that shall avenge the deed. Think that is just; 'tis not enough to do, Unless thy very thoughts are upright, too. Defend the truth ; for that who will not die, A coward is, and gives himself the lie. Take well whatever shall chance, though bad it be, Take it for good, and 'twill be good to thee. First think; and if thy thoughts approve thy will, Then speak, and after that thou speak'st, fulfil. So live with men as if God's curious eye Did everywhere into thine actions pry ; For never yet was sin so void of sense, GENERAL PRECEPTS. 21 So fully faced with brazen impudence, As that it durst before men's eyes commit Their brutal lusts, lest they should witness it. How dare they then offend when God shall see, That must alone both judge and jury be? Would'st thou live long? the only means are these, 'Bove Galen's diet or Hippocrates, Strive to live well ; tread in the upright ways, And rather count thine actions than thy days; Then thou hast lived enough amongst us here; For every day well spent I count a year. Live well, and then, how soon soe'er thou die, Thou art of age to claim eternity ; But he that outlives Nestor, and appears T' have passed the date of gray Methuselah's years, If he his life to sloth and sin doth give, I say he only was he did not live. 22 GOOD BEHAVIOR. ARTICLE II. A DRESS. 1. Before alluding to the subject of dress, it is proper to make some reference to personal cleanliness ; for it is evident that the person should require our first care and attention. As courtesy and politeness are practised for our own sakes rather than for others, beginning in its motive where charity begins, viz : at home, it is far better to have a clean person and a coarse dress than a fine, fashionable dress with an unclean person. Ladies especially should remember this. Personal cleanliness is nearty related to gentility and moral puritj^ ; and no one can property respect himself and others who neglects it. It is, moreover, as essential to the health of the body and mind, and to beauty, as it is to comfort and decency. How much sickness and disease, of various kinds, are contracted by a mere neglect of personal cleanliness ! 2. To insure cleanliness of person frequent bathing is absolutely indispensable. We bathe, it should be remem- bered, not so much to become clean as to remain clean. It has been recommended by able writers on good manners that the bath should be taken by persons in good health once a day in winter, and twice a day in summer. For persons of really robust constitutions the cold shower bath is very refreshing and agreeable ; but, as a general rule, the DRESS. 23 sponge bath, or towel bath, is safest and most convenient, being readily within the reach of every one, rich or poor, and under all circumstances. For cleansing purposes soap should be used, and the water should be about the temper- ature of the person, or such that it is not perceived to be either hot or cold. Close with a showering or rinsing of cool, pure water ^ followed by a hard frictional rubbing with a coarse towel. 3. The teeth must be very carefully brushed, not only night and morning, but after every meal. Hard tooth brushes are not advisable, and a simple tooth powder of common chalk or charcoal is safer and more effectual than any quack prescriptions. 4. The nails must alwaj's be clean, evenly trimmed, and never allowed to grow inordinately long. 5. Never attend to your dress, cut your nails, comb your hair, nor pick your teeth or ears in company, nor in the streets. The place to attend to your toilet is in your own apartments ; and when you are once carefully dressed, you will give the matter no farther consideration. Of course you will never insert your fingers in your nose or ears, nor use upon them any but the proper appliances, nor scratch the head nor any part of the person in the streets, nor in the presence of others, nor look in your handkerchief after blowing the nose ; for a well bred person is taught to avoid such gross habits from his earliest youth. If it should become necessary to attend to such matters, one must withdraw by himself, to his own room if possible, or at att events aim not to be offensive. 6. Dress has been considered, by some, to rank among the fine arts. To dress well requires taste, good sense, and refinement. The fashions must always be followed 24 GOOD BEHAVIOR. to some extent ; but a too close adherence to them indi- cates foppishness and vulgarity. As a general rule, one's dress, like his manners, should never attract attention. True elegance and refinement will ever show themselves in simplicity. 7. As another general principle in dress, care is to be taken that it should not fit so closely as to compress the muscles, or person, or in any way interfere with perfect ease and freedom of movement. Especiall} 7 ought young and growing persons to have their dress loose and easy. The chest ought never to be constrained, but to have the most perfect liberty to expand ; because free and open lungs are essential to health. Perhaps there is no other attention in rearing children of more importance than this ; and there is none which is more neglected by heads of families. The list of diseases attributed to tight- lacing and close-fitting dress is revolting. "We have seen them enumerated as follows : headache, giddiness, ten- denc}* to fainting, pain in the e} T es, pain and ringing in the ears, bleeding at the nose, shortness of breath, spitting of blood, derangement of the circulation, palpitation of the heart, water in the chest, loss of appetite, squeamishness, depraved digestion, colic pains, induration of the liver, dropsy, rupture, consumption, etc. 8. To compress the frame in which the vital organs are arranged, would be like compressing the case of a watch so as to interfere with its interior machinery. On this account the dress should not only fit easily, but the person should always be borne in a proper position, either in walking or sitting, with the shoulders always thrown back so as to give the chest and lungs free play. It is in such a position that one ought to be measured for his dress. DRESS. 25 8. With respect to jeweliy, refinement should proceed from intellectual culture rather than from the use of gold and precious stones. Ladies should never wear jewelry before dinner, and the less it is worn by gentlemen the better. Let such as is worn by them be plain and simple. The golden rule in dress is to avoid extremes. 10. Lord Chesterfield held it as a maxim, that a per- son who is negligent of his person and dress at twenty, will be slovenly at forty, and intolerable at fifty years of age. 11. Never cultivate a taste for the false in anything, in dress, furniture, pictures, nor ornaments. As nearly as possible let everything you possess be what it seems to be. To cultivate a false taste is like building one's house upon the sand ; you know not when it may bring upon you dis- concertment and confusion. 12. False tastes are acquired by inattention to mate- rial differences, by habitually confounding distinctions, and mixing incongruous things. Persons of refined tastes and cultivated manners will seek to avoid incongruities under every circumstance of life. 13. Those who quit their proper character to assume what does not belong to them, either in dress or any thing else, are, for the greater part, ignorant both of the charac- ter they leave and of the character they assume. NOT LOST. The look of sympathy, the gentle word Spoken so low that only'angels heard; The; secret act of pure self-sacrifice, Unseen by men, but marked by angels' eyes; These are not lost. 26 GOOD BEHAVIOR. The happy dreams that gladden all our youth, When dreams had less of self and more of truth ; The childlike faith so tranquil and so sweet, Which sat like Mary at the Master's feet ; These are not lost. The kindly plans devised for others' good, So seldom guessed, so little understood; The quiet, steadfast love that strove to win Some wanderer from the woful way of sin ; These are not lost. Not lost, O Lord, for in Thy city bright, Our eyes shall see the past by clearer light; And things long hidden from our gaze below, Thou wilt reveal, and we shall surely know They were not lost. CARRIAGE AND BEARING. 27 ARTICLE III. CARRIAGE AND BEARING. 1. Too great care cannot be taken with children from their earliest days, by parents and teachers, to insure a proper bearing of the person. We have already alluded to this subject under the head of dress. The same fright- ful catalogue of diseases which are incurred from tight- lacing, or too confining garments, may also be produced, to some extent, by neglecting a proper carriage. An erect position of the person, whether walking, standing, or sitting, is essential to the health of body and mind, as well as to personal appearance. The shoulders should always be kept thrown back, and the breast fully expanded ; otherwise the lungs will be compressed and the whole machinery of the s}rstem, of which they are the prime motive power, will become deranged. When an erect, upright position of the body has once been acquired, it becomes easy and graceful, as it is the most natural. 2. And, in order to acquire the habit of an erect, easy carriage, the training should commence early. A child should be constantly cautioned against allowing itself to fall into a slouching, lolling attitude ; and for this purpose it should never be permitted to sit upon a lounge, sofa, rocking chair, or armed chair ; for upon such seats it is 28 GOOD BEHAVIOR. difficult to prevent the shoulders from being thrown for- ward so as to derange the erectness of the person, and more or less oppress the lungs. A plain school bench, or stool, or a straight back chair, is the proper kind of seat for children, and it were well to allow them no other. 3. As our climate is an excessive one, subject to sud- den and extreme alternations of cold and heat, and of dryness and moisture, it operates powerfully upon the human frame to give it a dejected, delapsed attitude, and the greater care, therefore, is necessary to contend against it. The sinews and muscles must be knit in a proper position while the person is }~oung and growing. Even the position which the child occupies in bed should be carefully attended to ; and it should never bury its head under the clothes, nor double itself up in a heap. 4. A well-bred person may be recognized by his bear- ing. He never lolls, nor lounges, nor supports his arms or legs upon the furniture, nor puts his feet upon the rounds of chairs ; he never throws his arms over the railing of the pew, nor leans against it slouchingly while at church. He generally sits upright, with his feet upon the floor, is seldom restless in his position, and is always quiet and unobtrusive in changing it. Especially in church will his bearing be quiet and subdued ; never in the house of God will he, on any occasion, indulge in loud talking, nor in laughing, nor in noisy movements. 5. Awkwardness of attitude does one the same ill ser- vice as awkwardness of speech. Lolling, gesticulating, fidgeting, and the like, evince a want of training, and are not creditable to those who exhibit them. A lady who sits cross legged, or side-wise on her chair, who has the habit of holding her chin, bites her nails, twirls her watch CARRIAGE AND BEARING. 29 chain a man who sits across his chair, or inclines his chair back upon two legs, or holds his leg in any posture with his hands, manifests an unmistakable want of good breeding. Both should be quiet, easy, and graceful in their carriage ; the man, of course, being allowed some- what more freedom than the lady. 6. If an object, or person, is to be indicated, you must do it by words. A wave of the hand, or a slight move- ment of the head may answer in some cases ; but never point with your finger, nor point at persons with anything. How often has the pointing of fire arms in jest proved a source of life-long wretchedness to those who have done it ! 7. Physical education is almost a necessary qualifica- tion of the well bred man and woman. It is well for a gentleman to know how to fence, to box, to ride, to shoot, to swim, and to play at billiards ; he must also know how to dance, to walk, and to carry himself. Every lady should know how to dance, whether she intends to dance in society or not ; the better her phys ical training the more healthful and graceful she will be. Calisthenic exercises, swimming, skating, archery, riding, and driving, all help to strengthen the muscles and render them supple, and are therefore desirable. In round dances to hold a lady's hand in an unseemly manner, either upon the hip or be- hind the back, is exceedingly coarse, and wholly unpardon- able. Many ladies who are fond of dancing refuse to dance round dances at all. 8. We must learn to avoid sudden and hast}' move- ments as well as the giving way to quick resentments. Matters that may seem small or insufferable in themselves, often require more careful forethought and attention than those of greater moment. 30 GOOD BEHAVIOR. 9. Dwell not upon the personal peculiarities of your neighbors, nor allude to them if it can be avoided. 10. The act of shaking hands is better suited for friendly greetings than for a court ceremony. Men in high position should be spared a frequent repetition of it on occasions of public reception ; a bow, or gentle inclina- tion of the head is a sufficient interchange of civilities on such occasions ; and perhaps it is enough in the ordinary salutation between the sexes. 1 1 . One should be a cheerful helper as well as a cheer- ful giver, and serve graciously when he serves at all ; not averting the eyes, nor thrusting or throwing things towards a person with haste or rudeness, but handing them with gentleness and care. Service churlishly rendered has nothing noble, generous nor inanty to commend it. 12. There are two ways of passing strangers or ac- quaintances on the street ; one is to brush by them with a rude, contemptuous swagger, or thoughtless rush, with, perhaps, a piercing whistle, or loud shout directed to some distant quarter ; and the other is to show them some re- spectful recognition of their presence. The latter is by far the best way for our own credit. 13. None but course natures will withhold kindly re- spect from foreigners. The well-bred child would not even stare at them ; and much less would he ever dream of assailing them with insulting words, or with missiles. 14. Where manners are put on for the occasion, it will soon be discovered that they do not wear well : they must be thoroughly ingrained to do that. If the child does not ] acquire good manners at school, it will not be likely to exhibit them an}' where else. CARRIAGE AND BEARING. 31 15. Some of the ablest writers have claimed that one of the superior excellencies of monarchical and aristocratic governments, consists in their maintaining a high standard of manners. The rising generation, therefore, whose duty it is to become the future supporters of the Republic, must see that there is no degeneracy of manners under that form of government ; for ill, uncultivated manners can never commend themselves to the favorable considera- tion of mankind. It was the opinion of Socrates (as we learn from Xenophon) that they who know how to behave, and yet do not behave well, are no better than the igno- rant and uncouth, who do not know what good manners are. SENSIBILITY. I would not enter on my list of friends, (Though grac'd with polished manners and fine sense* Yet wanting sensibility) the man Who needlessly sets his foot upon a worm. An inadvertent step may crush the snail That crawls at evening in the public path; But he that has humanity, forewarned, Will tread aside, and let the reptile live. For they are all the meanest things that are As free to live, and to enjoy that life, As God was free to form them at the first, Who in His sovereign wisdom made them all. GOOD BEHAVIOR. ARTICLE IV. CONVERSATION. 1 . Pronunciation should be carefully acquired from the standard dictionary. All local phrases, affectations of foreign accent, mannerisms, exaggerations and slang are inadmissible in good society. Equally to be shunned are inaccuracies of expression, hesitation, and undue use of French or other foreign words, and anything approach- ing to flippancy, coarseness, triviality, or prevarication. The voice should never be loud, nor accompanied with much gesticulation ; and the features should ever be under strict control. A half opened mouth, a grinning smile, a'loud laugh, a vacant stare, a wandering ej T e, a tone of voice pitched too high, a bickering strain of comment on what one says are all evidences of ill breeding. One may be as awkward with the mouth as with the arms or legs. A reasonable control of visible emotion, whether of laugh- ter, or anger, or mortification, or disappointment, is con- sidered a sure mark of good breeding. 2. Next to unexceptionable grammar, correct elocu- tion, and a frank, self-controlled bearing, it is necessary to be genial. Do not go into society unless you can make up your mind to be cheerful, sympathetic, animating, as well as animated. Duluess is one of the unforgivable CONVERSATION. 33 offences. Society does not require you to be as hilarious as if you had just come into a fortune, but you have no right to look as if you had just lost one. 3. Testify your respect, your admiration, your grati- tude, by deeds, not words. Words are easy, deeds difficult. Few will give weight to the first, but the last carry con- firmation with them. 4. All slang and cant phrases are vulgar, and show a want of proper breeding. They lower the tone of society and the standard of thought. It is a great mistake to sup- pose that they are in any way a substitute for wit, or for re- fined sprightliness. 5. Scandal is the least excusable of all conversational vulgarities. It is a greater offence against society than theft ; for it is more impossible to protect one's self against it. It is not only an offence against good manners, but it is a moral wrong. No well-bred person will ever repeat it, nor even lend it a willing ear. The receiver of scandal- ous tales commits almost as great a fault as he who deals in them. If we prefer each other in honor we shall seldom entertain ill thoughts against our neighbors. 6. Religious controversy is-a subject which should nev- er be introduced in general societ}'. It is the one sub- ject on which persons are most likety to differ, and least likely to preserve their temper. 7. Interruption of the speech of others is a great sin against good breeding. It has been aptly said that if you interrupt a speaker in the middle of his sentence, you act almost as rudely as if when walking with a companion you were to thrust yourself before him and trip him, or stop his progress. 8. To listen well, is almost as great an art as to talk 34 GOOD BEHAVIOR. well. It is not enough only to listen ; 3-011 must endeavor to seem interested in the conversation of others. 9. The young should never be loudly critical. A young person of either sex cannot help appearing ridiculous -when satirizing books, people, or things ; opinion, to be worth the consideration of others, should have the advantage of genius or maturity. Criticisms of sermons heard from the pulpit are seldom in good taste. Indulgence in satire and irony is often but the evidence of our own deficien- cies. Flat contradiction is far from being genteel. 10. Address all persons by their right names and titles. To give nicknames is general^ vulgar. In speaking to or of 3'oung ladies, always give them their title of Miss, un- less in the family circle or among familiar female friends. 11. The great secret of politeness in conversation is to adapt ymirself as skilfully as rna3 T be to 3'our company. It should be remembered that people take more interest in their own affairs than in anything else which 3'ou can name. In te'te-a-te'te conversations, therefore, lead a mother to talk of her children, a 3'oung lacty of her last party or stud3', an author on the subject of his forthcoming book, or an artist of his exhibition picture. Having furnished the top- ic, 3*ou must only listen, and you will be thought not only agreeable, but thoroughly sensible, amiable, and well in- formed. 12. Be careful not to indulge in the selfishness of out- shining persons, if 3'ou wish to avoid unpopularity. 13. If a foreigner be one of the guests at a small par- ty, and does not understand English sufficiently well to follow what is said, good breeding demands that the con- versation should be carried on in his own language, or that he should be introduced to some person conversant with it. CONVERSATION. 35 14. If upon the entrance of a visitor you carry on the thread of a previous conversation, you should briefly re- capitulate to him what has been said before he arrived. 15. Always look, but never stare, at those with whom you converse. Let not your thoughts nor your eyes wan- der from them. 16. Conversation is a reflex of character. The preten- tious, the illiterate, the impatient, the envious, will as in- evitably betrajr their idiosj'ncrasies as the modest, the even-tempered and the generous. Strive as we may we cannot always be acting. Let us, therefore, cultivate a tone of mind and a habit of life the betrayal of which need not put us to shame in the company of the pure and the wise ; and the rest will be easy. If we make ourselves worthy of refined and intelligent society, we shall not be excluded from it ; and in such society we shall acquire by example all that we have -failed to learn from precept. 17. Until a person can avoid giving unpleasant feelings to any one, his manners are far from perfect. To remind one willingly of his faults or misfortunes is an unpardon- able offence in good society. The true gentleman will seek to avoid the very appearance of evil, or of giving offence. 18. There are certain natural parallels, S3 T mbols, indi- rections, double and reflex meanings in almost all conver- sation ; something more is conveyed than expressed ; but it is generally wrong to convey ideas except by the use of sincere, plain, and direct language. All intentional equiv- ocation, girding, coarse joking, twitting, all whispering, and talking for other ears than those of the person ad- dressed, are exceedingly vulgar and improper. 19. Some persons have the habit of making fictitious and false statements for the purpose of conveying an idea. 36 GOOD BEHAVIOR. Politicians of the lower order are veiy prone to do this ; but it is an evidence of a superficial character, that is lack- ing in the first element of good breeding, which is truth. Let no one imagine that he has an idea so valuable or so delicate that it may excuse falsehood as a means of its conveyance. Nor, on the other hand, can truth and candor be acceptable as an excuse for rudeness and incivility. Honesty is no excuse for coarseness. 20. It is well to avoid all controverted questions in so- cial circles, or at least so to conduct them as to shun heat and excitement. 21. "When you are in Rome do as the Romans do." This precept in good manners relates entirely to acts that are good and proper in themselves, and not to those which are vicious. It is not intended as an excuse for crime, nor for improper compliance with the ways of the wicked and frivolous ; nor that we should exchange our Christian man- ners for those that are inculcated under the reign of Moham- medism or Buddhism. A sound conscience is like a stub- born fact ; but though it cannot bend for the sake of pleas- ing an} T body, }^et we must remember that its chief use is for our own government, and not for that of others. We may use it in self-defence, and should never fear to dis- please others, if need be, b} r quietly and civilly declining to do wrong. We need not make others unhappy because we are good. It is the well who must care for the sick and ailing ; and the more unwell a man is, or in other words, the worse his character is, the more kindly considerate should our manner towards him become. 22. The noble minded man is generous ; he will never permit himself to exult over the faults or misfortunes of others, even in his inmost feelings, and the only use that CONVERSATION. 37 he will make of the faults of others is to correct his own. In the words of England's greatest poet, the evil speaker is "A slave, whose gall coins slander like a mint." 23. The gentleman of real refinement will never talk disrespectful!}' of religion, nor of the ladies, nor indulge in pleasantly or sportive talk on subjects of the Bible ; and especially will he abstain from speaking slightingly, or with levity of elderly women or of maiden ladies. 24. If you would avoid the odious office of scandals' pawn-broker, never accept the charge of a secret from a man who shows by his desire to deposit it with you that he cannot keep it himself. Every secret that you burden yourself with is a hindrance to your liberty. Gold itself is of no value if it may not be freely circulated. 25. All proper written communications should receive written answers, and as soon as convenient. Good breed- ing is shown as much by the form, style, spelling, neatness and fair handwriting of a letter as in any other way. The temptation to indulge in anonymous communications will never be entertained by those who value purity and frank- , ness of character. 27. The excellencies necessary to good conversation will naturally be carried into our correspondence ; and it should be remembered that a letter which causes one much trouble to decipher, is seldom worth the reading or writing. An illegible autograph does not give one a favorable idea of the writer. 27. As one naturally desires to appear in the most be- coming dress, so he should endeavor^ always to clothe his thoughts in the best possible language, generally seeking GOOD BEHAVIOR. to express himself in the kindest and most obliging terms ; for, while soft answers turn awa} r wrath, the rudeness that engenders ill feeling and provokes resentment, can seldom serve any useful purpose. One may render himself as of- fensive by curtness and reticence as by over familiarity and coarseness. Genteel persons are recognized by the kindly sj^mpathetic tone and manner of their speech. The strong and generous man never belittles others in their own estimation ; his presence elevates instead of depressing them. 28. Impure and inordinate thoughts, and also envy and hate, may at times enter the best regulated minds, as rep- tiles often intrude among choice and cultivated flowers, but refined people will never harbor improper ideas for a single moment. 29. A distinguished French writer says of the French language, that of all languages it is the one best adapted to express with ease, propriety and delicacy the various shades of thought in conversation, and that, for this reason, it contributes throughout Europe to one of the greatest enjoyments of life. What this writer says of the French language, every one should strive to make his own lan- guage ; viz : a means of easy, neat and refined enjoyment. The youth who accustoms his tongue to coarse expressions, can give no enjoyment to refined society. Frederic the Great of Prussia said that satire is not fit for the mouth of a prince. Ladies do no generally indulge in it, and gentlemen would do well to follow their example. 30. It both strengthens and refines the mind to learn how to express our opinions without directly contradicting those with whom we converse. CONVERSATION. 39 31. There are some things which respectable society requires should never be mentioned. If you believe that the person whom you are dealing with does not speajv the truth, and deem it necessary to check him, it were better to tell him that he makes a mistake, or is under a wrong impression, than to be more emphatic in your qualification, of what, after all, might have some extenuation. It is a very gross, unpardonable offence to tell a man that he lies. Men who accuse others of cowardice, or of a want of gen- tility, are generally not remarkable for courage nor for good breeding themselves. The true lady will secure the respect of men in other ways than by calling them no gen- tlemen. And generally, it is well not to charge persons with acts or intentions that tend to degrade them. 32. In sending verbal messages- to your &ignds, it is polite to prelude them with you*' compliments^ - ^ r WORDS . 'Tis good to speak in kir And soothe where'er we call Fair speech shall bind the human mind, And love link man to man. But stop not at the gentle words, Let deeds with language dwell ; The child that fosters starving birds, Should scatter crumbs as well. The mercy that is warm and true, Will lend a helping hand ; Who only talks, yet fails to do, But builds upon the sand. 40 GOOD BEHAVIOR. ARTICLE V. AT THE TABLE. 1. Family re-unions at meals should always be render- ed pleasant and agreeable. The occasion is a proper one for the observance of all the social amenities, and should be marked by the most kindly interchange of thought and feeling. The minor etiquette of the table must always be remembered and observed. Over-haste in eating is as rude and vulgar as it is unhealthful. 2. No family is too poor to have the table cover- ed with a white, clean cloth, ornamented with flowers in their season, and made inviting with refined manners and cheerful intercourse. 3. As soon as you are seated, place } T our table napkin across your knees, and put your roll, or bread, by the left side of your plate. As soon as you are helped, begin to eat ; or, if the viands are too hot, take up your knife and fork and prepare to begin. Never wait for others, and never offer to pass on the plate to which you have been helped ; at least unless there should be no servant in attendance. The lady of the house who sends your plate to you is the best judge of precedence at her own table. Soup and fish should never be partaken of a second time. Whenever there is a servant to help 3-011, never help } T our- self nor others unless requested to do so : when the servant AT THE TABLE. 41 is near catch his eye and ask for what you want. To make a noise with the mouth or lips while eating or drink- ing, to breathe hard, to cough or sneeze without averting the head and covering the face with the napkin, to drink a whole glassful at once, or to drain a glass to the last drop, is inexpressibly vulgar. 4. The knife must never be carried to the mouth, nor should the spoon be, unless the nature of the food abso- lutely requires it. 5. The bread by your plate is to be broken, never cut. Mustard, salt, etc., are put at the side of the plate, and one vegetable should never be heaped on the top of the other. The wine glass, if used, is to be held by the stem, and never by the bowl, and the plate must never be tilted on any occasion. In eating one must not bend the head voraciously over the plate, extend the elbows, rattle the knife and fork, nor soil the table cloth ; but he must be quiet and gentle in all his movements. 6. Anything like greediness, haste, or indecision is ill-' bred. Never take the choicest piece, nor take up one piece and la} 7 it down in favor of another, nor hesitate as to which piece you will take, nor whether you will take one at all.. To be particular about such trifles shows a degree of heedless selfishness which is inconsistent with good manners. 7. There are different ways of disposing of the stones and seeds of fruit, such as cherries, plums, raisins, etc. They should be conveyed from the mouth and deposited upon the side of the plate in the least offensive manner. Very dainty feeders press out the stones with the fork, in the first instance, and thus get rid of the difficulty. This is the safest way for ladies. 42 GOOD BEHAVIOR. 8. Taking wine with people, and giving toasts at din- ners, once considered as traits of refinement, are now going out of use in some parts of Christendom. To remain long in the dining room after the ladies have left, is a poor compliment to both the hostess and her fair vis- itors. Still worse is it to rejoin them with a flushed face and impaired powers of thought. A refined gentleman is always temperate. 9. Should you be asked to take wine, it is polite to select that which your interlocutor is drinking. If you invite a lady to take wine, } r ou may ask which she will pre- fer, and then take the same yourself. Should you, however, prefer some other vintage, you can take it, by courteously requesting her permission. 10. It is still thought to be uncivil, in some countries, to decline taking wine if you are invited to do so. In ac- cepting you have only to pour a little fresh wine into 3 r our glass, look at the person who invites you, bow slightly and take a sip. It is particularly ill-bred to empty your glass on such occasions. Of course, if you are a total abstainer, 3'ou will make that fact a respectful excuse for declining the proffered compliment. It should ever be borne in mind that the greatest misery and wretchedness which afflict mankind, and which visit children to the third and fourth generation with insanity and disease, ^are attributed to the vice of intemperance, and especially to that form of intemperance which shows itself in the misuse of intoxicating drinks. 11. If you should unfortunately be so awkward as to overturn or break anything, never apologize for it ; for there is simply no possible excuse for such a blunder. 12. If you send your plate to be helped a second time, it is well to hold your knife and fork in the left hand. AT THE TABLE. 43 13. The lady of the house should never send away her plate, nor appear to have done eating, till all her guests have finished. Nor should she reprove her servants before guests, nor make excuses for anything that may go wrong. 14. All well ordered dinners begin with soup, whether in summer or winter. The lady of the house should help it, and send it round without asking each individual in turn it is as much an understood thing as the bread beside each plate ; and those who do not choose it are always at liberty to leave it untasted . 15. Finger-glasses containing water slightly warmed and perfumed are placed before each person at dessert. In these you dip your fingers , wiping them afterwards on your table napkin. If the finger-glass and doil} r are placed on your dessert plate, you should immediately remove the doily to the left hand, and place the finger-glass upon it. Of course you will never use your goblet nor your tum- bler as a finger-glass ; for people would naturally think that such a shocking misuse of things is not an exceptional in- stance with you. 16. Never address your conversation to a person im- " mediately on his taking a seat at the table, because the par- taking of food is regarded by some as a kind of sacrament-, which they precede by a private grace whenever it is omitted as a ceremony for the company present. By speak- ing to them at this moment you might give them a disa- greeable interruption. 17. It need hardly be said' that the proper place for eating is at the table, and that fruit and other kinds of food should not be eaten in the streets, nor at public assemblies where it is not provided for all. Well-bred persons will always observe the proprieties of time and place. 44 GOOD BEHAVIOR. 18. Never play with any of the things upon the table nor handle them idly ; nor make a grating noise with your chair on taking or leaving your place. 19. Avoid hasty movements, and be sure that the food never falls from your plate upon the table cloth. 20. However poor and scanty the fare, let it be partak- en of with a cheerful disposition and a proper observance of forms. It is conducive to health, both moral and physi- cal. It were hard to say which is worse at the table, ill- cooked food or angry or unpleasant subjects of conversation. 21. In the best regulated households meals will be served at regular hours, and every member of the family should be prompt in attendance, remaining in his seat, if possible, until the repast is finished. 22. It is considered a mark of grossness, by some, to discuss the quality of the food upon the table, whether good or bad ; or to handle or touch with the fingers the food that others are to eat ; or to eat eggs from a tumbler or goblet ; or to churn them therein. 23. It is not refined to speak, as some do, of " wash- ing down" food by wine or other beverage. 24. It is better to make use of the proper implements for feeding than to resort to the fingers as people some- times do. 25. Some refined persons when speaking of eating a meal, never designate it b} T the pronoun my^ as my dinner, my supper, etc. It sounds selfish. LIFE'S RECKONING. If we sit down at set of sun, And count the things that we have done, And, counting, find One self denying act, one word AT THE TABLE. 45 That eased the heart of him who heard ; One glance most kind, That fell like sunshine where it went ; Then we may count that clay well spent. But if through all the livelong day, We've eased no heart by yea or nay ; If through it all We've done no thing that we can trace, That brought the sunshine to a face ; No act most small, That helped some soul, and nothing cost; Then count that day as worse than lost. 4G GOOD BEHAVIOR. ARTICLE VI. RIDING AND DRIVING THE PROMENADE. 1. Riding is an accomplishment in which all ladies and gentlemen desire to be proficient ; but to ride well one must be taught earl} T and practice constantly. Riding, like swimming, cannot be taught by precept. 2. The art of mounting gracefully must be properly acquired. The lady, having mounted the riding steps, places her left foot in the stirrup, rises into her seat, and lifts the right leg dexterously into its place, taking care to let the habit fall properly and gracefully. If no mounting steps are at hand, it is the place of her escort or groom to assist her to the saddle.' Hence it is necessary to learn to mount in both ways. In the latter case she puts her left foot in the right hand of the gentleman or servant in attendance ; he lifts it vigorously but gently ; and she springs lightly into the saddle. 3. The great point in riding is to sit straight in your saddle ; never lean forward, nor ride too fast, nor rise in trotting. In passing a person whom you may meet on the road, alwaj's turn to the right. 4. The chief point in driving is moderation. Never urge your horse in going either up or down hill ; turn corners with a gentle speed, and never assume any airs of exhilaration. Ladies who drive ought to know something about the harness. On alighting from or entering the RIDING AND DRIVING THE PROMENADE. 47 carriage the dress should not be allowed to trail on the ground. 5. A gentleman in riding, as in walking, gives the lady the wall. If he assists a lady to mount, he holds his hand at a convenient distance from the ground that she may place her foot in it. As she springs he aids her by a firm, steady lift. Practice only will enable one to do this properly. A gentleman, while riding with a lady, never permits her to pay the tolls. 6. In the carriage a gentleman places himself w r ith his back to the horses and leaves the best seat for the ladies. Only very elderly gentlemen are privileged to ac- cept the best seat to the exclusion of young ladies. No gentleman in a double carriage alone with a lad} 7 should sit beside her, unless he is her husband, father, son, or brother. Even an affianced lover should observe this rule of etiquette. 7. With respect to the promenade a gentleman can- not offer to escort a lady home from a party, unless at the intimation or with the sanction of the lady of the house. If she declines the offer of his arm he should not repeat it. 8. On meeting friends or acquaintances in the streets, at exhibitions, or any other public places, one must be careful not to pronounce their names so loudly as to at- tract the attention of strangers. Never call across the street, and never attempt to carry on a dialogue with one when other persons are intervening between him and } T ourself. 9. A lady should not enter into conversation with a gentleman with whom she is unacquainted, though, if addressed in a respectful manner, she must answer politely. 48 GOOD BEHAVIOR. 10. Some suitable response should always be given to well-meant attention. To cut one is utterly inexcusable, unless men whose acquaintance the lady does not wish to keep up persist in bowing. Disdain or scorn does not become beauty. 11. If a lady has had any gentleman especially intro- duced to her at a party, has talked much to him, and has been, perhaps, led down by him to dinner or supper, she may bow if she meets him next day in the promenade, or on the street ; but never recognize a gentleman unless 3 T ou are perfectly sure of his identity. Though ladies usually bow while giving or returning a salute, yet at times the courtesy possesses infinitely more grace and attractiveness, especially when done in the proper spirit. It exhibits a finer degree of homage and regard than the bow. 12. If a gentleman meets a lady with whom he is quite intimate, in the streets, and desires to converse with her, he should not stop her, but turn and walk be- side her in whichever direction she is going. When he has said all that he wished to say, he can take his leave. If he meets with a lady with whom he is not particularly well acquainted, he should wait for her recognition be- fore he ventures to bow to her. In bowing to a lad} T he lifts his hat with the hand farthest from her. If he is on horseback and wishes to converse with a lady who is on foot, he must dismount and lead his horse. A gentleman cannot cut a lad} 7 under any possible circumstances : nor are there hardly any conditions where it is permissible even with the men. The true gentleman is seldom ever driven to such a strong means of self-defence. 13. Never stare at ladies nor at strangers in the street. RIDING AND DRIVING THE PROMENADE. 49 14. If you so far forget what is becoming as to smoke in the streets, never omit to throw away your cigar if you speak to a lady. 15. One will do well to bow respectfully, by way of a general salutation, on entering a room among strangers, and never to fall into the discussion of religious or political subjects while in a public vehicle. Never give particular attention to persons on their entering church or other public assembly ; they should be allowed to enter unob- served. One will less seldom err by taking off his hat in the way of politeness than by keeping it on. 16. When two persons Jire walking upon the side walk, abreast, and meet a third person, the nearer of the two should fall bapk to allow the third to pass, if the narrow- ness of the walk requires it. 17. One can never disregard nor come short of the rules of good behavior with credit to his own character. Good breeding is always perceived and appreciated, even by those who are not accustomed to it themselves. NEVER RUN IN DEBT. The chains that bind debtors are heavy and cold, The links all corrosion and rust, Gild them o'er as you will, they are never of gold, Then spurn them aside with disgust. The man who's in debt is but a mere slave, Though his heart may be honest and true; Can you hold up your head, and look honest and brave, When a note you can't pay becomes due? 50 GOOD BEHAVIOR. ARTICLE VII. AT SCHOOL. 1. Every school must, in the first place, be carefully organized ; that is, the pupils are to be divided into suita- ble classes, according to age and capacity, designated by numbers, or letters of the alphabet, as first class, second class, third class, or class A, class B, class C, etc. ; regu- lar times are appointed for the exercises of each, for the beginning and ending of the daily sessions, and for inter- missions or recesses ; and a general system of manners, forms, and ceremonies is prescribed for punctual observ- ance ; for without this, pupils can never be well trained, nor put in a proper condition for the observance of the princi- ples of good behavior. 2. The dress of the pupils should be scrupulously neat ; for neatness is indispensable as the first element of good breeding. Respectable parents, and all who desire to be respectable, will never send their children to school without first seeing that their dress is properly attended to ; well mended if torn ; carefully washed if soiled ; their hair neatly combed ; their shoes tied and blacked, etc. The quality of a dress is not to be so much regarded as its wholeness and neatness. All children whose parents take care to present them at school in a neat dress, and in gentle, quiet manners, are to be kindly commended and encouraged by the teacher, while those of an opposite AT SCHOOL. 51 character should have their attention called to their defects. The condition of a family as to respectability can always be told by the appearance of the children which it sends to school. Worthy parents will have neatly clad, well behaved children, however poor they may be. 3. Good morals and good manners, together with a neat person and tidy dress, will place the poorest on a level with the highest and best of the land. 4. At recesses the girls are allowed precedence of the boys, going out and coming in first, by themselves, and the boj-s afterwards, according to classes, beginning with the youngest classes first, or those nearest the door, and ending with the oldest, or those farthest from the door. 5. As the movements of well-bred persons are always quiet and free from noise, the pupil, therefore, on going out or coming into the schoolhouse, or on crossing the floor, is always to avoid haste or loud noise in walking, or in any other way ; and when entering or leaving school should make his manners at the door. The boy, on entering the school while in session, having first taken oif his hat, makes a bow to the teacher, or for the assembly in general ; and on leaving the school he turns at the door and does the same. The girls can make either a bow or a courtesy, though the latter is frequently the most becoming. Not until well out of the house should any play begin. 6. Where the schools are very large, as in some of our principal towns, the teacher sometimes marches his schol- ars from and to their seats at recess, at the sound of a bell. At the first stroke of the bell they form in one rank, the youngest first, and at the second they march quietly and orderly to or. from their places. In this case the bow may be omitted at the door. 52 GOOD BEHAVIOR. 7. The beginning and ending of every recitation should be accompanied by an obeisance from the reciting class, at the intimation or word from the teacher, as Your manners ! or Your obeisance ! and, though the class may be seated in the interim, the pupil must always stand while reciting, reading, or spelling. 8. When a visitor, and especially a distinguished visit- or, like the President, or a Governor, or foreigner of dis- tinction enters the school-room, the pupils should all rise and remain standing until he is seated ; and on his taking leave they do the same until he has left the door. In cases where visits are frequent or numerous, as on ex- amination days, or in our larger centers of population, this ceremony might be omitted, at the discretion of the teacher. It is better to seek occasions for politeness than excuses for the want of it. 9. On meeting grown persons, upon the street or road, the pupil, if spoken to by them, should always reply with a bow or courtesy, the boy taking off or touching his hat ; and if the meeting be on the road, in unfrequented places, it is well for the pupil to make his manners whether spok- en to or not. Kindness and civilhV^ to strangers is one of the most beautiful traits of civilization. Foreigners of every degree should be received with especial kindness and consideration. 10. It is never well-bred to whisper in company ; and hence the best behaved children will never be seen whis- pering in school. 11. When the pupil finds it neccssaiy to ask a ques- tion of his teacher, he first raises his hand to signify his wish ; and if permitted to speak, he is always to preface his request with Please Teacher, or Please Sir, or Please AT SCHOOL. 53 Ma'am ; and whenever he replies to his teacher, or any grown person, he should never omit, for his own sake, the politeness of adding sir, or ma'am, as No Sir, or Yes Sir, No Ma'am or Yes Ma'am. A child thus well behaved is sure to win the esteem of all, both for itself and its parents. 12. No child should ever suffer itself to do discredit to its breeding, to be thrown off its balance, or fail in the observance of good behavior on account of the haste, im- patience, or rudeness of others, or for any other cause. He will never be rude and offensive to his playfellows ; nor call hard names, nor apply nicknames ; and he will always be respectful towards the old and the unfortunate. To imitate or follow the bad manners of others, would be like wearing soiled and ragged clothes because others might be seen in them. 13. At the beginning of the school term particular at- tention will be naturally paid to establishing a system of rules and observances ; and the well-behaved pupil will adhere to them with perfect fidelity. 14. As we should put others to as little inconvenience as possible, the pupil should never ask the teacher's assist- ance, nor occup^y his time, when he can effect the same purpose by his own exertions. 15. It is exceedingly vulgar and ill bred to mark, cut, or deface in any waj^ the walls or furniture of public build- ings. One should ever be more careful of the things of others than of those which belong to himself. In a repub- lic, the preservation and good condition of public edifices should be the care of all. Instead of defacing school- houses, it would be better for the pupils to ornament and beautify them by planting shrubbery and flowers. 16. u Order is Heaven's first law ;" and it should never 54 GOOD BEHAVIOR. be forgotten that good behavior is the first law and order of respectable society. Without it, the school would be an injury instead of a benefit to the community. If the school fails in the inculcation of good manners, together with the other elements of education, it proves defective in one of its most important objects, which is to civilize, refine and elevate the human race. 17. As the health and comfort of pupils are of great importance, it is to be presumed that School Commitee men and Superintendents will make the most careful provision to that end possible ; will see that school-houses (when newly built) are well located, on dty, elevated and pleasant situations ; that they are well ventilated ; that the stoves, when used, do not heat the head instead of warming the feet; that shelves, pegs, umbrella stands, etc., are pro- vided in the entry, sufficient for the use of every pupil ; and when all necessary conveniences have been provided, the pupil should make a proper use of them, as he would in his own house. Where a place is provided for every- thing, everything should be kept in its place ; and a wrong or improper use should never be made of anything. 18. No good pupil will ever be a tale-bearer ; but when questioned by the teacher will always tell the truth, simply, without prejudice or passion. 19. A distinguished educator has said that if a child's manners be neglected until the age of ten years, the de- fect can always be detected afterwards. No child, there- fore, should ever surfer itself to fall into the habit of dis- regarding the rules of. good breeding ; for, by so doing, it would inflict an injury upon the credit of its parents, and upon its own future good name and standing in society. None but the vicious could be willing to appear ill-bred. AT SCHOOL. 55 20. To " show spirit" is thought by some to be very admirable ; but it is perhaps oftener the manifestation of a selfish and misdirected nature than of a generous and el- evated one. The kingdom of heaven is not given to the over-rich in spirit, but to the poor in spirit. And the least worthy of all spiritedness, in a republican country, is that which makes a merit of arraying itself against the authority of the teacher. " Oftentimes it doth present harsh rage, Defect of manners, want of government, Pride, haughtiness, opinion and disdain : The least of which, haunting a nobleman, Loseth men's hearts ; and leaves behind a stain Upon the beauty of all parts besides, Beguiling them of commendation." 21. The rules of good behavior may be regarded as standing in the same relation to social intercourse that the Constitution does to the government of the country ; their observance is essential to the interests and welfare of all. 22. Some nations are noted for their manners, and others for their morals ; happy are that people who are distinguished for both. 23. Remember, the true man never trifles with his own character ; but lives up to his profession in the sight of all men, with sincerity and candor; and never proves treach- erous to them even in appearance. As independence of character is the most valuable worldly endowment that a man can possibly possess, he should seek to preserve and augment it, as he would his own fortune, by every means consistent with the rights of others. While readily yield- ing his opinions in unimportant matters, he should never 56 GOOD BEHAVIOR. suffer himself to be driven nor dragged into courses which his own convictions of right condemn. The pupil at school should never hesitate to separate himself, though he should stand entirely alone, from disorderly and mutinous com- panions. He who gives himself up to popular movements without a close examination into their worthiness of his support, is like the thoughtless street bo} r who follows every band of music that comes along. It is character, not spiritedness, that makes the man of merit. 24. Peevish temper, cross and frowning faces, and un- comely looks have sometimes been cured in France by send- ing the child into an octagonal boudoir lined with looking- glasses, where, whichever wa} T it turned, it would see the reflection of its own unpleasant features, and be constrained, out of self-respect, to assume a more amiable disposition. 25. If we look for the principal mainsprings of action and power among men, we shall find them to consist of these five qualities, viz. virtue, beaut}', genius, family, and wealth. Of these some are direct gifts from Heaven, while others are attained through industry and effort ; and all of them may be cultivated and heightened in effect ; but, unless they are exercised in a proper manner, they may prove ruinous to the possessors and an injury to society. 26. It is well to accustom children to a strict attention to truth, even in the most minute particulars. If a thing happened at one window, and they, when relating it, say it happened at another, do not let it pass, but instantly check them ; 3*011 do not know where deviations from truth may end. Truth is to the soul what light is to the e}-es. Anything that obscures the truth is like dimming the light by which we would see to work or read. AT SCHOOL. 57 27. As the well trained soldier stands the fire of the enemy like a veteran, so the man well trained in good man- ners will stand the false opinions that may be entertained of him, with forbearance, serenity and composure. 28. When we have first ascertained our duties towards others, we shall then perceive more clearly their duties to- wards ourselves. 29. When in company with one or more persons, let not a common feeling with them lead }^ou to disregard the rights and sensibilities of individuals who are alone. 30. When exhibiting a picture or other work of art of your own composition for public view, it is polite to attach its title, by card or otherwise, together with your own name. 31. The habit of promptness that is inculcated in our best conducted schools should be observed through life, in all our intercourse with our fellow men. If possible to avoid it we should never enter an assembly after the exer- cises observed there have commenced, nor take our leave before they are over. 32. The child, when making a visit at the house of friends or strangers, should salute the head of the family present when it arrives, and take formal leave at its de- parture. 33. As the diamond among gems, so is the human being among all created things ; but as without hardness the di- amond would be little worth, so without moral firmness man is of no value. However much he might shine and glow, he would be held in little repute. Nor is the rough dia- mond held in esteem except that it may be cut and shaped for ornament or use. 34. In order that chanty may begin at home with us, we must not do ourselves what we condemn in others. 58 GOOD BEHAVIOR. 35. We need not make a promise that can be properly avoided, but should alwa} T s strictly comply with such as we do make. It is better to be free than bound. BE BRAVE AND TRUE. Whatever you are, be brave, boys ! Whoe'er fears the truth is a slave, boys ; Though clever at ruses, And sharp at excuses, He plays but the part of the knave, boys. Whatever you are, be frank, boys ! 'Tis better than money and rank, boys ; Still cleave to the right, Be lovers of light, Be open, above board, and frank, boys ! Whatever you are, be kind, boys! Be gentle in manners and mind, boys; The man gentle in mien, Words and temper, I ween : Is the gentleman truly refin'd, boys. But whatever you are, be true, boys! Be visible through and through, boys ; Leave to others the shamming, The "hazing " and " cramming," In fun and in earnest, be true, boys. RULES OF BEHAVIOR. 59 ARTICLE VIII. RULES OF BEHAVIOR. [Taken from the papers of General George Washington, and copied by him from some unknown source, when thirteen years of age.] 1. Every action in company ought to be with some sign of respect to those present. 2. In presence of others sing not to yourself with a humming noise, nor drum with your fingers or feet. 3. Sleep not when others speak, sit not when others stand, speak not when you should hold your peace, walk not when others stop. 4. Turn not your back to others, especially in speak- ing ; jog not the table or desk on which another reads or writes ; lean not on any one. 5. Be no flatterer; neither play with any one that delights not to be pla} T ed with. 6. Read no letters, books, nor papers in company ; but, when there is a necessity for doing it, you must ask leave. Come not near the books or writings of any one so as to read them, unless desired, ^nor give your opinion of them unasked ; also, look not nigh when another is writing a letter. 7. Let your countenance be pleasant, but in serious matters somewhat grave. 60 GOOD BEHAVIOR. 8. Show not yourself glad at the misfortune of another, though he were your enemy. 9. When you meet with one of greater quality than 3 r ourself, stop and retire, especially^ if it be at a door or any strait place, to give way to him to pass. 10. They that are in dignity, or in office, have in all places precedency ; but, whilst they are young, they ought to respect those who are their equals in birth, or other qualities, though the} T have no public charge. 11. It is good manners to prefer those to whom we are to speak before ourselves, especially if the} 7 be above us with whom in no sort we ought to begin. 12. Let your discourse with men of business be short and comprehensive. 13. In visiting the sick do not presently play the physician, if you be not knowing therein. 14. In writing, or speaking, give to every person his due title, according to his degree and the custom of the place. 15. Strive not with your superiors in argument, but always submit your judgment to others with modesty . 16. Undertake not to teach }'our equal in the art him- self professes ; it savors of arrogancy. 17. When a man does all he can, though it succeeds not well, blame not him that did it. 18. Being to advise or reprehend anj- one, consider whether it ought to be in public or private, presently or at some other time, in what terms to do it ; and, in reprovings show no signs of choler, but do it with sweetness and mildness. 19. Take all admonitions thankfully, in what time or place soever given ; but afterwards, not being culpable, RULES OF BEHAVIOR. 61 take a time and place convenient to let him know it that gave them. 20. Mock not nor jest at anything of importance ; break no jests that are sharp-biting, and, if you deliver anything witty and pleasant, abstain from laughing thereat yourself. 21. Wherein 3-011 reprove another, be unblamable }~our- self ; for example is more prevalent than precept. 22. Use no reproachful language against any one; neither curse, nor revile. 23. Be not hasty to believe flying reports to the dis- paragement of any. X 24. In your apparel be modest, and endeavor to ac- commodate nature rather than to procure admiration ; keep to the fashion of your equals, such as are civil and orderly with respect to times and places. 25. Play not the peacock, looking everywhere about you to see if you be well decked, if your shoes fit well, if your stockings set neatly, and your clothes handsomely. 26. Associate yourself with men of good quality, if you esteem your own reputation ; for it is better to be alone than in bad company. 27. Let your conversation be without malice or envy, for it is a sign of a tractable and commendable nature ; and , in all causes of passion, admit reason to govern. 28. Be not immoderate in urging your friend to discov- er a secret. 29. Utter not base and frivolous things amongst grave and learned men ; nor very difficult questions or subjects among the ignorant ; nor things hard to be believed. 30. Speak not of doleful things in time of mirth, nor at the table : speak not of melancholy things, as death 62 GOOD BEHAVIOR. and wounds ; and if others mention them, change, if can, the discourse. Tell not your dreams but to your in- timate friend. 31. Break not a jest where none takes pleasure in mirth ; laugh not aloud, nor at all without occasion. Deride no man's misfortune, though there seems to be some cause. 32. Speak not injurious words, neither in jest nor earn- est ; scoff at none although they give occasion. 33. Be not forward, but friendly and courteous; the first to salute, hear, and answer ; and be not pensive when it is time to converse. . 34. Detract not from others, neither be excessive in commending. 35. Go not thither where you know not whether you shall be welcome or not. Give not advice without being asked, and, when desired, do it briefly. 36. If two contend together, take not the part of eith- er unconstrained, and be not obstinate in your own opin- ion ; in things indifferent be of the major side. 37. Reprehend not the imperfections of others, for that belongs to parents, masters and superiors. 38. Gaze not on the marks or blemishes of others, and ask not how they came. What you may speak in secret to your friend, deliver not before others. 39. Speak not in an unknown tongue in company, 'but in your own language, and that as those of quality do, and not as the vulgar ; sublime matters treat seriously. , 40. Think before you speak, pronounce not imperfect- ly, nor bring out your words too hastily, but orderly and distinctly. 41. When another speaks be attentive yourself, and RULES OF BEHAVIOR. 63 disturb not the audience. If any hesitate in his words, help him not nor prompt him, without being desired ; in- terrupt him not, nor answer him till his speech be ended. 42. Treat with men at fit times about business ; and whisper not in the company of others. 43. Make no comparisons, and, if any of the company be commended for any brave act of virtue, commend not another for the same. 44. Be not apt to relate news, if you know not the 'truth thereof. In discoursing of things you have heard, name not your author always. A secret discover not. 45. Be not curious to know the affairs of others, neith- er approach to those that speak in private. 46. Undertake not what you cannot perform, but be careful to keep your promise. 47. When you deliver a matter, do it without passion, and with discretion, however mean the person may be you do it to. 48. When your superiors talk to anybody, hearken not, neither speak, nor laugh. 49. In dispute, be not so desirous to overcome, as to give liberty to each one to deliver his opinion ; and sub- mit to the judgment of the major part, especially if they are judges of the dispute. 50. Be not tedious in discourse ; make not many di- gressions, nor repeat often the same manner of discourse. 51. Speak not evil of the absent, for it is unjust. 52. Make no show of taking great delight in your victuals ; feed not with greediness ; lean not on the table ; neither find fault with what you eat. 53. Be not angrj- at table, whatever happens; and if you have reason to be so, show it not ; put on a cheerful 64 GOOD BEHAVIOR. countenance, especially if there be strangers, for good humor makes one dish of meat a feast. 54. Set not yourself at the upper end of the table ; but, if it be your due, or that the master of the house will have it so, contend not, lest you should trouble the company. 55. When you speak of God or his attributes, let it be seriousty and in reverence. Honor and obey your natural parents, although they be poor. 56. Let your recreations be manful not sinful. 57. Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire called conscience. The historian Sparks, in speaking of these rules, saj's that "they are fitted to soften and polish the manners, to keep alive the best affections of the heart, to impress the obligation of the moral virtues, to teach what is due to others in the social relations, and above all to inculcate the practice of a perfect self-control." " In studying the character of Washington," the histori- an adds, "it is obvious that this code of rules had an influ- ence upon his whole life. His temperament was ardent, his passions strong, and, amidst the multiplied scenes of temptation and excitement through which he passed, it was his constant effort and ultimate triumph to check the one and subdue the other. His intercourse with men, pri- vate and public, in every walk and station, was marked with a consistency, a fitness to occasion, a clignit} 7 , de- corum, condescension, and mildness, and respect for the claims of others, and a delicate perception of the nicer shades of civility which were not more the dictates of his natural good sense and incomparable judgment than the fruits of a long and unwearied discipline." RESOLUTIONS FOR SELF-GOVERNMENT. 65 ARTICLE IX. RESOLUTIONS FOR SELF-GOVERNMENT. BY JONATHAN EDWARDS. Perhaps neither Washington, nor Jefferson, nor Frank- lin, was so thorough a representative of American institu- tions, as was Jonathan Edwards. He was born in Con- necticut eighty-three years after the landing of the Pil- grims at Plymouth, and died as President of Princeton College, New Jersey, in 1758. From the seventy resolu- tions framed by him for the special regulation of his own conduct, and which, through his teachings, left an abiding impression upon the character of the early fathers of the republic, we extract the following : To be endeavoring to find out fit objects of charity and liberality. Never to do anything out of revenge. Never to suffer the least motions of anger towards ir- rational beings. Never to speak evil of any one, so that it shall tend to his dishonor, more or less, upon any account, except for some real good. That I will live so as I shall wish I had done when I come to die. To maintain the strictest temperance in eating and drinking. 66 GOOD BEHAVIOR. In narrations never to speak any thing but pure and simple verity. Never to give over, nor in the least to slacken, nay fight with my corruptions, however unsuccessful I may be. Not onty to refrain from an air of dislike, fretfulness, and anger in conversation, but to exhibit an air of love, cheer- fulness and benignity. Let there be something of benevolence in all that I speak. If we plant hate, then hate will spring; For love from hate can never grow ; What we sow to-day, to-morrow may bring The proof, by its bloom, what sort of a thing Is the seed the seed that we sow. ARTICLE X. JEFFERSON'S TEN RULES. 1 . Take things alwa}'s by the smooth handle. 2. Never spend your money before you have it. 3. We seldom repent of having eaten too little. 4. Pride costs us more than hunger, thirst and cold. 5. Nothing is troublesome that we do willingly. 6. Never put off till to-morrow what you can do to-day. 7. Never trouble another for what }'ou can do yourself. 8. Never buy what you don't want because it is cheap. 9. How much pain those evils have cost us that never have happened ! 10. When angry count ten before you speak ; if very angry, count a hundred. APPENDIX. APPENDIX. Hints for the Building of School Houses. Yard. To contain thirty two square feet, at least, for each pupil ; fenced in from outer view towards thoroughfares and alleys. The site. Elevated and free from dampness ; free access to the sun on three sides of the house ; not over-much shaded with trees, nor near factories, railroads, etc. The cellar. To be dry and extend under the entire building ; or a dry air space of at least two feet. Basement. The ceiling to be six feet above the ground, and ten feet high ; the rooms to be thoroughly lighted, and to serve for gym- nasiums, clothes closets, etc.; never to be used for school work. Entries. Warmed and ventilated, and lighted chiefly from the outside. Stairs. Fire-proof; straight; height of steps four and a half to five inches and breadth ample. Fire escape. Every school house of three stories or upwards should be provided with fire-escapes. Hall. The floor spaces of halls should contain six or seven square feet for every person which they are ever designed to hold, and have a height of fourteen feet. The ventilating arrangements should admit an outflow of a thousand cubic feet of foul air an hour for every person assembled therein. Rooms. Should contain a floor space of from fifteen to twenty square feet for every pupil, and a height of fourteen feet; to open into the entries, with windows eighteen inches high over the doors ; never papered ; blackboard never placed on the sides where the windows are ; the columns, if any are required, to be of iron. APPENDIX. Windows. Never to be in front of the pupils ; to contain at least thirty square inches of glass for every square foot of floor surface in the room ; The lower sill to be three and a half or four feet above the floor, and the upper within a foot, or less, of the ceiling. Ventilation. Such as to renew the air of every study room, re- citation room, gymnasium, etc., at the rate of five hundred cubic feet per hour, for each one of the average number of inmates. For water closets, the air should always set into them, not out from them. Water Closets. Separate for the two sexes ; divided by screens when out of doors. Those indoors to be lighted, warmed, and ven- tilated by an outward draught of air. Those for girls, in large buildings, to be placed in the upper stories, never under school rooms. Drains. To be protected from rats ; and precautions taken against the fouling of drinking water. These rules are to apply to the school houses of the rural districts as far as practicable ; and especially with reference to the size of rooms, height of ceiling, supply of fresh air, and agreeableness of situation. THE END. TESTIMONIALS. HARVARD UNIVERSITY. CAMBRIDGE, MASS., MAECH 3d, 1876. GENTLEMEN : I have examined your Reader for District Schools, entitled "Good Behavior," and find it to contain, many rules of good manners which children ought to know, but which are much neglect- ed both in our homes and in our schools. In publishing this little book I think you have done a service to the cause of popular edu- cation. The end of Common Schools is to refine and elevate the popular character ; and since character and manners react upon each other, whatever improves manners will probably improve char- acter too. I trust that this Reader will be brought into general use. Very truly yours, CHARLES W. ELIOT. YALE COLLEGE, NEW HAVEN, CONN., MAEOH 2, 1876. MESSRS. CHENEY & CLAPP : The end proposed in your District School Reader to bring before young persons while at school, some of the most important practical rules for good behavior, is eminent- ly important. I wish your efforts the amplest success. N. PORTER. UNIVERSITY OF PENNSYLVANIA. Locust 34th & 36th Street. PHILADELPHIA, FEB. 24, 1876, Messrs. Cheney & Clapp, Brattleboro, Vt. f GENTS: I have read with great interest and pleasure the little book, "Good Behavior," intended for the use of pupils in the Public Schools. I entirely agree with the gentleman who prepared this manual, that good behavior is a subject concerning which our young people sadly need instruction. It seems to me that all that can be done to teach correct notions on this subject, by precept, has been done in this little book. Whether, however, such a subject can be fully or ade- quately taught, save by example, I feel disposed to doubt. But the effort to inspire young people with correct principles in this matter, deserves all praise, and I sincerely hope that your admirable com- pend may be widely distributed, for it must do*good. Very Respectfully, C. S. STILLE, Provost. From WILLIAM WOOD, President of the Board of Education, New York Oity. It is calculated to do a great deal of good to teachers as well as scholars, and individually I would like to see it on our list of "sup- plies" for the schools of this city. THIS BOOK IS DUE ON THE LAST DATE STAMPED BELOW AN INITIAL FINE OF 25 CENTS WILL BE ASSESSED FOR FAILURE TO RETURN THIS BOOK ON THE DATE DUE. THE PENALTY WILL INCREASE TO SO CENTS ON THE FOURTH DAY AND TO $1.OO ON THE SEVENTH DAY OVERDUE. SEP 14 1932 NO V 20 1940 MAY is 1988 . REC'D UP NOV 1 5 1975 AUTO. DISC. 0V 10 1994 YA 02930 U.C. BERKELEY LIBRARIES