POCKET EDITION 
 
 KNICKERBOCKER'S 
 HISTORY OF NEW 
 YORK c3* BY 
 WASHINGTON 
 IRVING a* 
 
 VOL. n. 
 
 Wew Ifforft anO atonSon 
 <S. IP. Putnam's Sons 
 
 
 

 
 Zbc Iknfcfterbocfter ipresa, tHew Borft
 
 6^ v?tor 
 
 CONTENTS. 
 
 BOOK W .—Continued. 
 
 Chap, v.— Of the jurisprudence of William the 
 Testy, and his admirable expedients for the sup- 
 pression of poverty i 
 
 Chap. VI. — Projects of William the Testy for increas- 
 ing the currency ; he is outwitted by the Yan- 
 kees—The great oyster war 8 
 
 Chap. VII.— Growing discontents of New Amster- 
 dam under the government of William the 
 Testy 15 
 
 Chap. VIII.— The edict of William the Testy against 
 tobacco— Of the pipe plot, and the rise of feuds 
 and parties 19 
 
 Chap. IX. — Of the folly of being happy in the time of 
 prosperity — Of troubles to the south brought on 
 by annexation— Of the secret expedition of Jan 
 Jansen Alpendam, and his magnificent reward, 26 
 
 Chap. X.— Troublous times on the Hudson— How 
 Killian Van Rensellaer erected a feudal castle, 
 and how he introduced club-law into the prov- 
 ince 32 
 
 Chap. XI.— Of the diplomatic mission of Antony 
 the Trumpeter to the fortress of RenseUaer- 
 stein, and how he was puzzled by a cabalistic 
 reply 37
 
 iv Contents 
 
 Chap. XII. — Containing the rise of the great Am- 
 phyctyonic Council of the Pilgrims, with the 
 decline and final extinction of William the 
 Testy 42 
 
 BOOK V. 
 
 CONTAINING THE FIRST PART OF THE REIGN OF PETER 
 STUYVESANT, AND HIS TROUBLES WITH THE AM- 
 PHYCTYONIC COUNCIL. 
 
 Chap. I.— In which the death of a great man is 
 shown to be no very inconsolable matter of 
 sorrow ; and how Peter Stu3rvesant acquired a 
 great name from the uncommon strength of his 
 head 50 
 
 Chap. II.— Showing how Peter the Headstrong be- 
 stirred himself among the rats and cobwebs on 
 entering into ofl&ce ; his interview with Antony 
 the Trumpeter, and his perilous meddling with 
 the currency 60 
 
 Chap. III.— How the Yankee I,eague waxed more 
 and more potent, and how it outwitted the good 
 Peter in treaty-making 66 
 
 Chap. IV. — Containing divers speculations on war 
 and negotiations, showing that a treaty of 
 peace is a great national evil 74 
 
 Chap. V. — How Peter Stuyv-esant was grievously be- 
 lied by the great council of the I^eague, and how 
 he sent Antony the Trumpeter to take to the 
 council a piece of his mind 84 
 
 Chap. VI. — How Peter Stuy vesant demanded a court 
 of honor, and what the court of honor awarded 
 to him 91 
 
 Chap. VII.— How " Drum Ecclesiastic " was beaten 
 throughout Connecticut for a crusade against 
 the New Netherlands, and how Peter Stuyvesant 
 took measures to fortify his capital ... 95
 
 Contents ▼ 
 
 Chap. VIII. — How the Yankee crusade against the 
 New Netherlands was baflSed by the sudden 
 outbreak of witchcraft among the people of the 
 east 102 
 
 Chap. IX.— Which records the rise and renown of a 
 military commander, showing that a man, like 
 a bladder, may be pufifed up to greatness by 
 mere wind ; together with the catastrophe of a 
 veteran and his queue 109 
 
 BOOK VI. 
 
 CONTAINING THE SECOND PART OF THE REIGN OF PETER 
 THE HEADSTRONG, AND HIS GALLANT ACHIEVE- 
 MENTS ON THE DELAWARE. 
 
 Chap. I. — In which is exhibited a warlike portrait 
 of the great Peter — Of the windy contest of Gen- 
 eral Van Poffenburgh and General Printz, and 
 of the mosquito war on the Delaware . . . 120 
 
 Chap. II.— Of Jan Risingh, his giantly person and 
 crafty deeds ; and of the catastrophe at Fort 
 Casimir 129 
 
 Chap. III. — Showing how profound secrets are often 
 brought to light ; with the proceedings of Peter 
 the Headstrong when he heard of the misfor- 
 tunes of General Van Poffenburgh . . .138 
 
 Chap. IV. — Containing Peter Stuyvesant's voyage 
 up the Hudson, and the wonders and delights 
 of that renowned river 149 
 
 Chap. V.— Describing the powerful army that as- 
 sembled at the city of New Amsterdam ; to- 
 gether with the interview between Peter the 
 Headstrong and General Van Poffenburgh, and 
 Peter's sentiments touching unfortunate great 
 men 160
 
 wi Contents 
 
 Chap. VI.— In which the author discourses very in- 
 geniously of himself, after which is to be found 
 much interesting history about Peter the Head- 
 strong and his followers 170 
 
 Chap. VII.— Showing the great advantage that the 
 author has over his reader in time of battle, to- 
 together with divers portentous movements, 
 which betoken that something terrible is about 
 to happen 183 
 
 Chap. VIII. — Containing the most horrible battle 
 ever recorded in poetry or prose ; with the ad- 
 mirable exploits of Peter the Headstrong . . 19a 
 
 Chap. IX.— In which the author and the reader, 
 while reposing after the battle, faU into a very 
 grave discourse ; after which is recorded the con- 
 duct of Peter Stuyvesant after his victory . .201 
 
 BOOK VII. 
 
 CONTAINING THE THIRD PART OF THE REIGN OF PETER 
 THE HEADSTRONG ; HIS TROUBLES WITH THE BRIT- 
 ISH NATION, AND THE DECLINE AND FALL OF THE 
 DUTCH DYNASTY. 
 
 Chap. I. — How Peter Stuyvesant relieved the sover- 
 eign people from the burden of taking care of 
 the nation ; with sundry particulars of his con- 
 duct in the time of peace, and of the rise of a 
 great Dutch aristocracy 220 
 
 Chap. II.— Hov/ Peter Stuyvesant labored to civilize 
 the community— How he was a great promoter 
 of the holidays— How he instituted kissing on 
 New Year's Day — How he distributed fiddles 
 throughout the New Netherlands— How he ven- 
 tured to reform the ladies' petticoats, and how 
 he caught a Tartar 230
 
 Contents vi-i 
 
 Chap. III.— How troubles thickened on the province 
 — How it is threatened by the Helderbergers, 
 the Merrylanders, and the giants of the Susque- 
 hanna 236 
 
 Chap. IV.— How Peter Stuyvcsant adventured into 
 
 the east country, and how he fared there . . 241 
 
 Chap. V.— How the Yankees secretly sought the aid 
 of the British cabinet in their hostile schemes 
 against the Manhattoes 251 
 
 Chap. VI. — Of Peter Stuj'vesant's expedition into 
 the east country, showing that, though an old 
 bird, he did not understand trap . . . .255 
 
 Chap. VII.— How the people of New Amsterdam 
 were thrown into a great panic by the news of 
 the threatened invasion ; and the manner in 
 which they fortified themselves . . . .262 
 
 Chap, vni.— How the grand council of the New 
 Netherlands were miraculously gifted with long 
 tongues in the moment of emergency, showing 
 the value of words in warfare .... 267 
 
 Chap. IX. — In which the troubles of New Amster- 
 dam appear to thicken, showing the bravery, in 
 time of peril, of a people who defend themselves 
 by resolutions 273 
 
 Chap. X. — Containing a doleful disaster of Antony 
 the Trumpeter ; and how Peter Stuj'^'esant, like 
 a second Cromwell, suddenly dissolved a rump 
 parliament 284 
 
 Chap. XI. — How Peter Stuyvesant defended the city 
 of New Amsterdam for several days, by dint of 
 the strength of his head 291 
 
 Chap. XII. — Containing the dignified retiiement, 
 
 and mortal surrender of Peter the Headstrong . 302 
 
 Chap. XIII. — The author's reflections upon what 
 
 has been said 312
 
 A HISTORY OF NEW YORK 
 
 BOOK rv. 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 OF THE JURISPRUDENCES OF WILWAM THE 
 TESTY, AND HIS ADMIRABI^E EXPEDIENTS 
 FOR THE SUPPRESSION OF POVERTY. 
 
 AMONG the wrecks and fragments of exalted 
 wisdom, which have floated down the 
 stream of time from venerable antiquity, and 
 been picked up by those humble but industri- 
 ous wights who ply along the shores of litera- 
 ture, we find a shrewd ordinance of Charondas 
 the Locrian legislator. Anxious to preserve 
 the judicial code of the state from the additions 
 and amendments of the country members and 
 seekers of popularity, he ordained that, who- 
 ever proposed a new law should do it with a 
 halter about his neck ; whereby, in cas« his
 
 2 fbistov^ of IRew J^ork 
 
 proposition were rejected, they just hung him 
 up — and there the matter ended. 
 
 The effect was, that for more than two hun- 
 dred years there was but one trifling alteration 
 in the judicial code ; and legal matters were so 
 clear and simple that the whole race of lawyers 
 starved to death for want of employment. The 
 Locrians, too, being freed from all incitement 
 to litigation, lived very lovingly together, and 
 were so happy a people that they make scarce 
 any figure in history, it being only your liti- 
 gious, quarrelsome, rantipole nations who make 
 much noise in the world. 
 
 I have been reminded of these historical facts 
 in coming to treat of the internal policy of Wil- 
 liam the Testy. Well would it have been for 
 him had he, in the course of his universal ac- 
 quirements, stumbled upon the precaution of 
 the good Charondas, or had he looked nearer 
 home at the protectorate of Oloffe the Dreamer, 
 when the community was governed without 
 laws. Such legislation, however, was not suited 
 to the busy, meddling mind of William the 
 Testy. On the contrary, he conceived that the 
 true wisdom of legislation consisted in the mul- 
 tiplicity of laws. He accordingly had great 
 punishments for great crimes, and little punish- 
 ments for little offences. By degrees the whole 
 surface of society was cut up by ditches and
 
 /ftuItipUcltg of Xaw0 3 
 
 fences, and quickset hedges of the law, and even 
 the sequestered paths of private life so beset by 
 petty rules and ordinances, too numerous to be 
 remembered, that one could scarce walk at 
 large without the risk of letting oflf a spring- 
 gun or falling into a man-trap. 
 
 In a Httle while the blessings of innumerable 
 laws became apparent ; a class of men arose to 
 expound and confound them. Petty courts 
 were instituted to take cognizance of petty 
 offences, pettifoggers began to abound ; and the 
 community was soon set together by the ears. 
 
 Let me not be thought as intending any 
 thing derogatory to the profession of the law, 
 or to the distinguished members of that illus- 
 trious order; Well am I aware that we have in 
 this ancient city innumerable worthy gentle- 
 men, the knights-errant of modem days, who 
 go about redressing wrongs and defending the 
 defenceless, not for the love of filthy lucre, nor 
 the selfish cravings of renown, but merely for 
 the pleasure of doing good. Sooner would I 
 throw this trusty pen into the flames, and cork 
 up my ink-bottle forever, than infringe even 
 for a nail's breadth upon the dignity of these 
 truly benevolent champions of the distressed. 
 On the contrary, I allude merely to those 
 caitiff scouts who, in these latter days of evil, 
 infest the skirts of the profession, as did the
 
 4 l)i6tors of Tlew 15or!i 
 
 recreant Cornish knights of yore the honorable 
 order of chivah-y, — who, under its auspices, 
 commit flagrant wrongs, — who thrive by quib- 
 bles, by quirks and chicanery, and like vermin 
 increase the corruption in which they are eu' 
 gendered. 
 
 Nothing so soon awakens the malevolent pas- 
 sions as the facility of gratification. The courts 
 of law would never be so crowded with petty, 
 vexatious, and disgraceful suits, were it not for 
 the herds of pettifoggers. These tamper with 
 the passions of the poorer and more ignorant 
 classes, who, as if poverty were not a sufficient 
 misery in itself, are ever ready to embitter it by 
 litigation. These, like quacks in medicine, 
 excite the malady to profit by the cure, and re- 
 tard the cure to augment the fees. As the 
 quack exhausts the constitution, the pettifogger 
 exhausts the purse, and as he who has once 
 been under the hands of a quack is forever after 
 prone to dabble in drugs, and poison himself 
 with infallible prescriptions, so the client of the 
 pettifogger is ever after proue to embroil him- 
 self with his neighbors, and impoverish himself 
 with successful lawsuits. My readers -will ex- 
 cuse this digression into which I have been 
 unwarily betrayed ; but I could not avoid giv- 
 ing a cool and unprejudiced account of an 
 abomination too prevalent in this excellent city.
 
 XLbc Sin ot povcrttj 5 
 
 and with the effects of which I am ruefully 
 acquainted : having been nearly ruined by a 
 lawsuit which was decided against me ; and my 
 ruin haxnng been completed by another, which 
 was decided in my favor. 
 
 To return to our theme. There was nothing 
 in the whole range of moral offences against 
 which the jurisprudence of William the Testy 
 was more strenuously directed than the crying 
 sin of poverty. He pronounced it the root of 
 all evil, and determined to cut it up, root and 
 branch, and extirpate it from the land. He 
 had been struck, in the course of his travels in 
 the old countries in Europe, with the wisdom 
 of those notices posted up in country towns, 
 that ' ' any vagrant found begging there would 
 be put in the stocks," and he had observed that 
 no beggars were to be seen in these neighbor- 
 hoods ; having doubtless thrown off their rags 
 and their poverty, and become rich under the 
 terror of the law. He determined to improve 
 upon this hint. In a little while a new machine, 
 of his own invention, was erected hard by Dog's 
 Misery, This was nothing more nor less than 
 a gibbet, of a very strange, uncouth, and un- 
 matchable construction, far more efficacious, as 
 he boasted, than the stocks, for the punishment 
 of poverty. It was for altitude not a whit in- 
 ferior to that of Haman so renowned in Bible
 
 6 Ijistorg of nacw l^ork 
 
 history ; but the marvel of the contrivance was, 
 that the culprit, instead of being suspended by 
 by the neck, according to venerable custom, 
 was hoisted by the waistband, and kept dan- 
 gling and sprawling between heaven and earth 
 for an hour or two at a time — to the infinite en- 
 tertainment and edification of the respectable 
 citizens who usually attend exhibitions of the 
 kind. 
 
 It is incredible how the little governor 
 chuckled at beholding caitiff vagrants and 
 sturdy beggars thus swinging by the cruppers, 
 and cutting antic gambols in the air. He had 
 a thousand pleasantries and mirthful conceits 
 to utter upon these occasions. He called them 
 his dandle-lions — his wild-fowl — his high-fliers 
 — his spread-eagles — his goshawks — his scare- 
 crows — and finally, his gallows-birds ; which 
 ingenious appellation, though originally con- 
 fined to worthies who had taken the air in this 
 strange manner, has since grown to be a cant 
 name given to all candidates for legal elevation. 
 This punishment, moreover, if we may credit 
 the assertions of certain grave etymologists, 
 gave the first hint for a kind of harnessing, or 
 strapping, by which our forefathers braced up 
 their multifarious breeches, and which has of 
 late years been revived and continues to be 
 worn at the present day.
 
 B •RemcDg for povcrti? 7 
 
 Such was the punishment of all petty delin- 
 quents, vagrants and beggars and others de- 
 tected in being guilty of poverty in a small way ; 
 as to those who had offended on a great scale, 
 who had been guilty of flagrant misfortunes and 
 enormous backslidings of the purse, and who 
 stood convicted of large debts, which they 
 were unable to pay, William Kieft had them 
 straightway enclosed within the stone walls of 
 a prison, there to remain until they should 
 reform and grow rich. This notable expedient, 
 however, does not seem to have been more 
 efficacious under William the Testy than in 
 ■snore modern days : it was found that the 
 longer a poor devil was kept in prison the 
 poorer he grew.
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 PROJECTS OF WII,I<IAM THE TESTY FOR IN- 
 CREASING THE CURRENCY — HE IS OUTWIT- 
 TED BY THE YANKEES — ^THE GREAT OYSTER 
 WAR. 
 
 NEXT to his projects for the suppression of 
 poverty may be classed those of William 
 the Testy, for increasing the wealth of New 
 Amsterdam. Solomon, of whose character for 
 wisdom the little governor was somewhat emu- 
 lous, had made gold and silver as plenty as the 
 stones in the streets of Jerusalem. William 
 Kieft could not pretend to vie with him as to 
 the precious metals, but he determined, as an 
 equivalent, to flood the streets of New Amster- 
 dam with Indian money. This was nothing 
 more nor less than strings of beads wrought of 
 clams, periwinkles, and other shell-fish, and 
 called seawant or wampum. These had formed 
 a native currency among the simple savages, 
 who were content to take them of the Dutch-
 
 IFlew Coinage 9 
 
 men in exchange for peltries. In aa unlucky- 
 moment, "William the Testy, seeing this money 
 of easy production, conceived the project of 
 making it the current coin of the province. It 
 is true it had an intrinsic value among the 
 Indians, who used it to ornament their robes 
 and moccasins, but among the honest burghers 
 it had no more intrinsic value than those rags 
 which form the paper currency of modem days. 
 This consideration, however, had no weight 
 with William Kieft. He began paying all the 
 servants of the company, and all the debts of 
 government, in strings of wampum. He sent 
 emissaries to sweep the shores of Long Island, 
 which was the Ophir of this modern Solomon, 
 and abounded in shell-fish. These were trans- 
 ported in loads to New Amsterdam, coined into 
 Indian money, and launched into circulation. 
 
 And now, for a time, affairs went on swim- 
 mingly ; money became as plentiful as in the 
 modem days of paper currency, and, to use the 
 popular phrase, " a wonderful impulse was 
 given to public prosperity." Yankee traders 
 poured into the province, buying every thing 
 they could lay their hands on, and paying the 
 worthy Dutchmen their own price — in Indian 
 money. If the latter, however, attempted to 
 pay the Yankees in the same coin for their tin 
 ware and wooden bowls, the case was altered ;
 
 le Ibistors of IRew l^ork 
 
 nothing would do but Dutch guilders and such 
 like "metallic currency." What was worse, 
 the Yankees introduced an inferior kind of 
 wampum made of oyster-shells, with which 
 they deluged the province, carrying off in ex- 
 change all the silver and gold, the Dutch her- 
 rings, and Dutch cheeses : thus early did the 
 knowing men of the east manifest their skill in 
 bargaining the New Amsterdammers out of the 
 oyster, and leaving them the shell.* 
 
 It was a long time before William the Testy 
 was made sensible how completely his grand 
 project of finance was turned against him by 
 his eastern neighbors ; nor would he probably 
 have ever found it out, had not tidings been 
 brought him that the Yankees had made a de- 
 scent upon Long Island, and had established a 
 
 * In a manuscript record of the province, dated 1659, 
 I,ibrary of the New York Historical Society, is the follow- 
 ing mention of Indian money : 
 
 " Seazaani alias wampum. Beads m^anufactnred from 
 the Quakang- or wt'Ik : a shell-fish formerly abounding 
 on our coasts, but lately of more rare occurrence, of two 
 colors, black and white ; the former twice the value of 
 the latter. Six beads of the white and three of the black 
 for an English penny. The seawant depreciates from 
 time to time. The New England people make use of 
 it as a means of barter, not only to carry away the best 
 cargoes which we send thither, but to accumulate a large 
 quantity of beavers and other furs ; by which the com- 
 
 Sany is defrauded of her revenues, aud the merchants 
 isappointed in making returns with that speed with 
 which they might wish to meet their engagements ; 
 while their commissioners and the inhabitants remain 
 overstocked with seawant,— a sort of currency of no 
 value except with the New Netherland savages, etc."
 
 ©lister TWlar n 
 
 kind of mint at Oyster Bay, where they were 
 coining up all the oyster-banks. 
 
 Now this was making a vital attack upon the 
 province in a double sense, financial and gas- 
 tronomical. Ever since the council-dinner of 
 Oloffe the Dreamer at the founding of New 
 Amsterdam, at which banquet the oyster figured 
 so conspicuously, this divine shell-fish has been 
 held in a kind of superstitious reverence at the 
 Manhattoes ; as witness the temples erected to 
 its cult in every street and lane and alley. In 
 fact, it is the standard luxury of the place, as is 
 the terrapin at Philadelphia, the soft crab at 
 Baltimore, or the canvas-back at Washington. 
 
 The seizure of Oyster Bay, therefore, was an 
 outrage not merely on the pockets, but the 
 larders, of the New Amsterdammers ; the whole 
 community was aroused, and an oyster crusade 
 was immediately set on foot against the Yan- 
 kees. Every stout trencher-man hastened to 
 the standard ; nay, some o^ the most corpulent 
 burgomasters and Schepens joined the expe- 
 dition as a corps de reserve, only to be called 
 into action when the sacking commenced. 
 
 The conduct of the expedition was intrusted 
 to a valiant Dutchman, who for size and weight 
 might have matched with Colbrand the Danish 
 champion, slain by Guy of Warwick. He was 
 famous throughout the pro\'ince for strength of
 
 12 fbietov^ ot Irtew lock 
 
 arm and skill at quarter-staflf, and hence was 
 named StofTel Brinkerhoff, or rather, Brinker- 
 hoofd, that is to say, Stoffel the head-breaker. 
 
 This sturdy commander, who was a man of 
 few words but vigorous deeds, led his troops 
 resolutely on through Nineveh, and Babylon, 
 and Jericho, and Patch-hog, and other Long 
 Island towns, without encountering any dij65- 
 culty of note ; though it is said that some of 
 the burgomasters gave out at Hardscramble 
 Hill and Hungry Hollow, and that others lost 
 heart and turned back at Puss-panick. With 
 the rest he made good his march until he 
 arrived in the neighborhood of Oyster Bay. 
 
 Here he was encountered by a host of Yankee 
 warriors, headed by Preserved Fish, and Habak- 
 kuk Nutter, and Return Strong, and Zerubbabel 
 Fisk, and Determined Cock ! at the sound of 
 whose names StofFel Brinkerhofif verily believed 
 the whole parliament of Praise-God Barebones 
 had been let loose upon him. He soon found, 
 however, that they were merely the "select- 
 men " of the settlement, armed with no weapon 
 but the tongue, and disposed only to meet him 
 on the field of argument. Stoflfel had but one 
 mode of arguing, that was, with the cudgel ; 
 but he used it with such effect that he routed 
 his antagonists, broke up the settlement, and 
 would have driven the inhabitants into the sea
 
 JBrinfterboff's ^riumpb 13 
 
 if they had not managed to escape across the 
 Sound to the mainland by the Devil's stepping- 
 stones, which remain to this day monuments of 
 this great Dutch victory over the Yankees. 
 
 Stoffel Brinkerhoff made great spoil of oysters 
 and clams, coined and uncoined, and then set 
 out on his return to the Manhattoes. A grand 
 triumph, after the manner of the ancients, was 
 prepared for him by William the Testy. He 
 entered New Amsterdam as a conqueror, 
 mounted on a Narraganset pacer. Five dried 
 codfish on poles, standards taken from the 
 enemy, were borne before him, and an im- 
 mense store of oysters and clams. Weathers- 
 field onions, and Yankee ''notions" formed 
 the spolia opima ; while several coiners of 
 oyster-shells were led captive to grace the 
 hero's triumph. 
 
 The procession was accompanied by a full 
 band of boys and negroes, performing on the 
 popular instruments of rattle-bones and clam- 
 shells, while Antony Van Corlear sounded his 
 trumpet from the ramparts. 
 
 A great banquet was served up in the stadt- 
 house from the clams and oysters taken from 
 the enemy, while the governor sent the shells 
 privately to the mint, and had them coined into 
 Indian money, with which he paid his troops. 
 
 It is moreover said that the governor, calling
 
 14 
 
 fbietov^ of IRcw lorft 
 
 to mind the practice among tlie ancients to 
 honor their victorious general with public 
 statues, passed a magnanimous decree, by 
 which every tavern-keeper was permitted to 
 paint the head of Stoflfel BrinkerhoflF upon his 
 sign!
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 GROWING DISCONTENTS OF NEW AMSTERDAM 
 UNDER THE GOVERNMENT OF WII,LIAM THE 
 TESTY. 
 
 IT has been remarked by the observ^ant writer 
 of the Stuyvesant manuscript, that under 
 the administration of William Kieft the disposi- 
 tion of the inhabitants of New Amsterdam ex- 
 perienced an essential change, so that they 
 became very meddlesome and factious. The 
 unfortunate propensity of the little governor to 
 experiment and innovation, and the frequent 
 exacerbations of his temper, kept his council in 
 a continual worry ; and the council being to 
 the people at large what yeast or leaven is to a 
 batch, they threw the whole community in a 
 ferment ; and the people at large being to the 
 city what the mind is to the body, the unhappy 
 commotions they underwent operated most dis- 
 astrously upon New Amsterdam, — insomuch 
 that, in certain of their paroxysms of conster- 
 nation and perplexity, they begat several of the
 
 i6 Ibistors of Tlcvv lork 
 
 most crooked, distorted, and abominable streets, 
 lanes, and alleys, with which this metropolis is 
 disfigured. 
 
 The fact was, that about this time the com- 
 munity, like Balaam's ass, began to grow more 
 enlightened than its rider, and to show a dispo- 
 sition for what is called "self-government." 
 This restive propensity was first evinced in cer- 
 tain popular meetings, in which the burghers 
 of New Amsterdam met to talk and smoke over 
 the complicated afiairs of the province, gradu- 
 ally obfuscating themselves with politics and 
 tobacco-smoke. Hither resorted those idlers 
 and squires of low degree who hang loose on 
 society and are blown about by every wind of 
 doctrine. Cobblers abandoned their stalls to 
 give lessons on political economy ; blacksmiths 
 suffered their fires to go out while they stirred 
 up the fires of faction ; and even tailors, though 
 said to be the ninth parts of humanity, neglect- 
 ed their own measures to criticise the measures 
 of government. 
 
 Strange ! that the science of government, 
 which seems to be so generally understood, 
 should invariably be denied to the only one 
 called to exercise it. Not one of the politicians 
 in question, but, take his word for it, could 
 have administered affairs ten times better than 
 William the Testy.
 
 political Baitationa 17 
 
 Under the instructions of these political ora- 
 cles the good people of New Amsterdam soon 
 became exceedingly enlightened, and, as a mat- 
 ter of course, exceedingly discontented. They 
 gradually found out the fearful error in which 
 they had indulged, of thinking themselves the 
 happiest people in creation, and were convinced 
 that, all circumstances to the contrary notwith- 
 standing, they were a very unhappy, deluded, 
 and consequently ruined people ! 
 
 We are naturally prone to discontent, and 
 avaricious after imaginary causes of lamenta- 
 tion. Like lubberly monks we belabor our 
 own shoulders, and take a vast satisfaction in 
 the music of our own groans. Nor is this said 
 by way of paradox ; daily experience shows the 
 truth of these observations. It is almost im- 
 possible to elevate the spirits of a man groaning 
 under ideal calamities ; but nothing is easier 
 than to render him wretched, though on the 
 pinnacle of felicity ; as it would be an hercu- 
 lean task to hoist a man to the top of a steeple, 
 though the merest child could topple him off 
 thence. 
 
 I must not omit to mention that the popular 
 meetings were generally held at some noted 
 tavern, these public edifices possessing what in 
 modern times are thought the true fountain of 
 political inspiration. The ancient Greeks de-
 
 i8 f)i5torB ot IFlew forft 
 
 liberated upon a matter when drunk, and recon- 
 sidered it when sober. Mob-politicians in mod- 
 ern times dislike to have two minds upon a 
 subject, so they both deliberate and act when 
 drunk ; by this means a world of delay is 
 spared ; and as it is universally allowed that a 
 man when drunk sees double, it follows conclu- 
 sively that he sees twice as well as his sober 
 neighbors.
 
 CHAPTER Vni. 
 
 OP THE EDICT OF WII,I.IAM THE TESTY AGAINST 
 TOBACCO — OF THE PIPE PI^OT, AND THE RISE 
 OF FEUDS AND PARTIES. 
 
 WILHELMUS KIEFT, as has already been 
 observed, was a great legislator on a 
 small scale, and had a microscopic eye in public 
 affairs. He had been greatly annoyed by the 
 factious meeting of the good people of New 
 Amsterdam, but, observing that on these occa- 
 sions the pipe was ever in their mouth, he be- 
 gan to think that the pipe was at the bottom 
 of the affair, and that there was some mysteri- 
 ous affinity between politics and tobacco-smoke. 
 Determined to strike at the root of the evil, he 
 began forthwith to rail at tobacco as a noxious, 
 nauseous weed, filthy in all its uses ; and as to 
 smoking, he denounced it as a heavy tax upon 
 the public pocket, — a vast consumer of time, a 
 great encourager of idleness, and a deadly bane
 
 20 t)i6tors of Bew l^orft 
 
 to the prosperity and morals of the people. 
 Finally he issued an edict, prohibiting the 
 smoking of tobacco throughout the New Neth- 
 erlands. Ill-fated Kieft ! Had he lived in the 
 present age and attempted to check the un- 
 bounded license of the press, he could not have 
 struck more sorely upon the sensibilities of the 
 million. The pipe, in fact, was the great organ 
 of reflection and deliberation of the New Neth- 
 erlander. It was his constant companion and 
 solace : was he gay, he smoked ; was he sad, 
 he smoked ; his pipe was never out of his 
 mouth ; it was a part of his physiognomy ; 
 without it his best friends would not know him. 
 Take away his pipe ? You might as well take 
 away his nose ! 
 
 The immediate effect of the edict of William 
 the Testy was a popular commotion. A vast 
 multitude, armed with pipes and tobacco-boxes, 
 and an immense supply of ammunition, sat 
 themselves down before the governor's house, 
 and fell to smoking with tremendous violence. 
 The testy "William issued forth like a wrathful 
 spider, demanding the reason of this lawless 
 fumigation. The sturdy rioters replied by loll- 
 ing back in their seats, and puffing away with 
 redoubled fury, raising such a murky cloud 
 that the governor was fain to take refuge in 
 the interior of his castle.
 
 XLhc pipe plot 21 
 
 A long negotiation ensued through the medi- 
 um of Antony the Trumpeter. The governor 
 was at first wrathful and unyielding, but was 
 gradually smoked into terms. He concluded 
 by permitting the smoking of tobacco, but he 
 abolished the fair long pipe used in the days of 
 Wouter Van Twiller, denoting ease, tranquil- 
 lity, and sobriety of deportment ; these he con- 
 demned as incompatible with the despatch of 
 business, in place whereof he substituted little 
 captious short pipes, two inches in length, 
 which, he observed, could be stuck in one cor- 
 ner of the mouth, or twisted in the hat-band, 
 and would never be in the way. Thus ended 
 this alarming insurrection, which was long 
 known by the name of The Pipe Plot, and 
 which, it has been somewhat quaintly observed, 
 did end, like most plots and seditions, in mere 
 smoke. 
 
 But mark, O reader ! the deplorable evils 
 which did afterwards result. The smoke of 
 these villainous little pipes, continually ascend- 
 ing in a cloud, stood about the nose, penetrated 
 into and befogged the cerebellum, dried up all 
 the kindly moisture of the brain, and rendered 
 the people who use them as vaporish and testy 
 as the governor himself. Nay, what is worse, 
 from being goodly, burly, sleek-conditioned 
 men, they became, like our Dutch yeomanry
 
 22 l)i0tors of t\cw ^ox\{ 
 
 who smoke short pipes, a lantern-jawed, smoke- 
 dried, leather-hided race. 
 
 Nor was this all. From this fatal schism in 
 tobacco-pipes we may date the rise of parties in 
 the Nieuw Nederlandts. The rich and self-im- 
 portant burghers who had made their fortunes, 
 and could afiFord to be lazy, adhered to the 
 ancient fashion, and formed a kind of aristoc- 
 racy known as the Long Pipes ; while the 
 lower order, adopting the reform of William 
 Kieft as more convenient in their handicraft 
 employments, were branded with the plebeian 
 name of Short Pipes. 
 
 A third party sprang up, headed by the de- 
 scendants of Robert Chewit, the companion of 
 the great Hudson. These discarded pipes alto- 
 gether and took to chewing tobacco ; hence 
 they were called Quids, — an appellation since 
 given to those political mongrels, which some- 
 times spring up between two great parties, as a 
 mule is produced between a horse and an ass. 
 
 And here I would note the great benefit of 
 party distinctions in saving the people at large 
 the trouble of thinking. Hesiod divides man- 
 kind into three classes, — those who think for 
 themselves, those who think as others think, 
 and those who do not think at all. The second 
 class comprises the great mass of society ; for 
 most people require a set creed and a file-leader.
 
 ©rlgln ot parties 23 
 
 Hence the origin of party : which means a 
 large body of people, some few of whom think, 
 and all the rest talk. The former take the lead 
 and discipline the latter, prescribing what they 
 must say, what they must approve, what they 
 must hoot at, whom they must support, but, 
 above all, whom they must hate ; for no one 
 can be a right good partisan who is not a thor- 
 ough-going hater. 
 
 The enlightened inhabitants of the Manhat- 
 toes, therefore, being divided into parties, were 
 enabled to hate each other with great accuracy. 
 And now the great business of politics went 
 bravely on, the long pipes and short pipes 
 assembling in separate beer-houses, and smok- 
 ing at each other with implacable vehemence, 
 to the great support of the state and profit to 
 the tavern-keepers. Some, indeed, went so far 
 as to bespatter their adversaries with those 
 odoriferous little words which smell so strong 
 in the Dutch language, believing, like true pol- 
 iticians, that they served their party, and glori- 
 fied themselves in proportion as they bewrayed 
 their neighbors. But, however they might 
 differ among themselves, all parties agreed in 
 abusing the governor, seeing that he was not 
 a governor of their choice, but appointed by 
 others to rule over them. 
 
 Unhappy William Kieft ! exclaims the sage
 
 24 •ff)(0torg ot naew lork 
 
 writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript, doomed 
 to contend with enemies too knowing to be en- 
 trapped, and to reign over a people too wise to 
 be governed. All his foreign expeditions were 
 baffled and set at naught by the all-pervading 
 Yankees ; all his home measures were canvassed 
 and condemned by ** numerous and respectable 
 meetings" of pot-house politicians. 
 
 In the multitude of counsellors we are told 
 there is safety; but the multitude of counsel- 
 lors was a continual source of perplexity to 
 William Kieft. With a temperament as hot as 
 an old radish, and a mind subject to perpetual 
 whiilwinds and tornadoes, he never failed to 
 get into a passion with every one who under- 
 took to advise him. I have observed, however, 
 that your passionate little men, like small boats 
 with large sails, are easily upset or blown out 
 of their course ; so was it with William the 
 Testy, who was prone to be carried away by the 
 last piece of advice blown into his ear. The 
 consequence was that, though a projector of 
 the iirst class, yet by continually changing his 
 projects he gave none a fair trial ; and by en- 
 deavoring to do every thing, he in sober truth 
 did nothing. 
 
 In the meantime the sovereign people got 
 into the saddle, showed themselves, as usual, 
 unmerciful riders ; spurring on the little gov
 
 TRUorrs of tbe (Sovcrnor 
 
 25 
 
 emor with harangues and petitions, and thwart- 
 ing him with memorials and reproaches, in 
 much the same as holiday apprentices man- 
 age an unlucky devil of a hack-horse, — so that 
 Wilhelmus Kieft was kept at a worry or a 
 gallop throughout the whole of his adminis- 
 tration.
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 OF THE FOI«LY OF BEING HAPPY IN TIME OF 
 PROSPERITY — OF TROUBI^ES TO THE SOUTH 
 BEING BROUGHT ON BY ANNEXATION — OF 
 THE SECRET EXPEDITION OF JAN JANSEN 
 ALPENDAM, AND HIS MAGNIFICENT RE- 
 WARD. 
 
 IF we could but get a peep at the tally of 
 Dame Fortune, where like a vigilant land- 
 lady she chalks up the debtor and creditor ac- 
 counts of thoughtless mortals we should find 
 that every good is checked off by an evil, and 
 that, however we may apparently revel scot- 
 free for a season, the time will come when we 
 must ruefully pay off the reckoning. Fortune 
 in fact is a pestilent shrew, and withal an inex- 
 orable creditor ; and though for a time she may 
 be all smiles and courtesies and indulge us in 
 long credits, yet sooner or later she brings up 
 her arrears with a vengeance, and washes out
 
 3ftchle ^fortune 27 
 
 lier scores with our tears. " Since," says good 
 old Boetius, "no man can retain her at his 
 pleasure ; what are her favors but sure prognosti- 
 cations of approaching trouble and calamity?" 
 
 This is the fundamental maxim of that sage 
 school of philosophers, the croakers, who esteem 
 it true wisdom to doubt and despond when other 
 men rejoice, well knowing that happiness is at 
 best but transient, — that, the higher one is ele- 
 vated on the seesaw balance of fortune, the 
 lower must be its subsequent depression, — that 
 he who is on the uppermost round of a ladder 
 has most to suffer from a fall, while he who is 
 at the bottom runs very little risk of breaking 
 his neck by tumbling to the top. 
 
 Philosophical readers of this stamp must have 
 doubtless indulged in dismal forebodings all 
 through the tranquil reign of Walter the 
 Doubter, and considered it what Dutch seamen 
 call a weather-breeder. They will not be sur- 
 prised, therefore, that the foul weather which 
 gathered during his days should now be rattling 
 from all quarters on the head of William the 
 Testy. 
 
 The origin of some of these troubles may be 
 traced quite back to the discoveries and annexa- 
 tions of Hans Reinier Oothout, the explorer, 
 and Wynant Ten Breeches, the land-measurer, 
 made in the twilight days of Oloffe the Dream-
 
 28 l)igtori2 ot Bevv l^orFi 
 
 er ; by which the territories of the Nieuw Neder- 
 landts were carried far to the south, to Delaware 
 River and parts beyond. The consequence was, 
 many disputes and brawls with the Indians, 
 which now and then reached the drowsy ears of 
 Walter the Doubter and his council, like the 
 muttering of distant thunder from behind the 
 mountains, without, however, disturbing their 
 repose. It was not till the time of William the 
 Testy that the thunderbolt reached the Manhat- 
 toes. While the little governor was diligently 
 protecting his eastern boundaries from the 
 Yankees, word was brought him of the irrup- 
 tion of a vagrant colony of Swedes in the 
 south, who had landed on the banks of the 
 Delaware and displayed the banner of that re- 
 doubtable virago Queen Christina, and taken 
 possession of the country in her name. These 
 had been guided in their expedition by one 
 Peter Minuits, or Minnewits, a renegade Dutch- 
 man, formerly in the service of their High 
 Mightinesses, but who now declared himself 
 governor of all the surrounding country, to 
 which was given the name of the province of 
 New Sweden. 
 
 It is an old saying that " a little pot is soon 
 hot," which was the case with William the 
 Testy. Being a little man, he was soon in a 
 passion, and once in a passion, he soon boiled
 
 Unvasion from tbe Soutb 29 
 
 over. Summoning his council on receipt of 
 this news, he belabored the Swedes in the 
 longest speech that had been heard in the 
 colony since the wordy warfare of Ten Breeches 
 and Tough Breeches. Having thus taken off 
 the fire-edge of his valor, he resorted to his 
 favorite measure of proclamation, and de- 
 spatched a document of the kind, ordering the 
 renegade Minnewits and his gang of Swedish 
 vagabonds to leave the country immediately, 
 under pain of the vengeance of their High 
 Mightinesses the Lords States-General, and of 
 the potentates of the Manhattoes. 
 
 This strong measure was not a whit more 
 effectual than its predecessors, which had been 
 thundered against the Yankees ; and William 
 Kieft was preparing to follow it up with some- 
 thing still more formidable, when he received 
 intelligence of other invaders in his southern 
 frontier, who had taken possession of the banks 
 of the Schuylkill, and built a fort there. They 
 were represented as a gigantic, gunpowder race 
 of men, exceedingly expert at boxing, biting, 
 gouging, and other branches of the rough-and- 
 tumble mode of warfare, which they had learned 
 from their prototypes and cousins-german, the 
 Virginians, to whom they have ever borne con- 
 siderable resemblance. Like them, too, they 
 were great roisters, much given to revel on hoe-
 
 30 Ibfstorg ot IRew l^orft 
 
 cake and bacon, mint-julep and apple-toddy, 
 whence their newly formed colony had already 
 acquired the name of Merryland, which, with a 
 slight modification, it retains to the present 
 day. 
 
 In fact, the Merrylanders and their cousins, 
 the Virginians, were represented to William 
 Kieft as offsets from the same original stock as 
 his bitter enemies the Yanokie, or Yankee 
 tribes of the east, having both come over to 
 this country for the liberty of conscience, or, in 
 other words, to live as they pleased : the 
 Yankees taking to praying and money-making, 
 and converting Quakers ; and the Southerners 
 to horse-racing and cock-fighting, and breeding 
 negroes. 
 
 Against these new invaders Wilhelmus Kieft 
 immediately despatched a naval armament of 
 two sloops and thirty men, under Jan Jansen 
 Alpendam, who was armed to the very teeth 
 with one of the little governor's most powerful 
 speeches, written in vigorous lyow Dutch. 
 
 Admiral Alpendam arrived without accident 
 in the Schuylkill, and came upon the enemy 
 just as they were engaged in a great "barbecue," 
 a kind of festivity or carouse much practised in 
 Merryland. Opening upon them with the 
 speech of William the Testy, he denounced 
 them as a pack of lazy, canting, julep-tippling;
 
 ^be BC)m(rar6 IRcbutt 31 
 
 cock-fighting, horse-racing, slave-trading, tav- 
 ern-hunting. Sabbath-breaking, mulatto-breed- 
 ing upstarts, and concluded by ordering them 
 to evacuate the country immediately ; to which 
 they laconically replied in plain English, 
 '* they 'd see him d— d first ! " 
 
 Now, this was a reply on which neither Jan 
 Jansen Alpendam nor Wilhelmus Kieft had made 
 any calculation. Finding himself, therefore, 
 totally unprepared to answer so terrible a rebuff 
 with suitable hostility, the admiral concluded 
 his wisest course would be to return home and 
 report progress. He accordingly steered his 
 course back to New Amsterdam, where he ar- 
 rived safe, having accomplished this hazardous 
 enterprise at small expense of treasure and no 
 loss of life. His saving policy gained him the 
 universal appellation of the Savior of his 
 Country ; and his services were suitably re- 
 warded by a shingle monument, erected by 
 subscription on the top of Flattenbarrack Hill, 
 where it immortalized his name for three whole 
 years, when it fell to pieces and was burnt for 
 fire-wood.
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 TROUBI^OUS TIMES ON THE HUDSON — HOW KII,- 
 WAN VAN RENSELI.AER ERECTED A FEUDAI, 
 CASTI.E, AND HOW HE INTRODUCED CI,UB- 
 I,AW INTO THE PROVINCE. 
 
 ABOUT this time the testy little governor of 
 the New Netherlands appears to have had 
 his hands full, and with one annoyance and the 
 other to have been kept continually on the 
 bounce. He was on the very point of following 
 up the expedition of Jan Jansen Alpendam by 
 some belligerent measures against the maraud- 
 ers of Merryland, when his attention was sud- 
 denly called away by belligerent troubles 
 springing up in another quarter, the seeds of 
 which had been sown in the tranquil days of 
 Walter the Doubter. 
 
 The reader will recollect the deep doubt 
 into which that most pacific governor was 
 thrown on Killian Van Rensellaer's taking 
 possession of Beam Island by wapen recht. 
 
 1
 
 Castle of IRensellaerstclu 33 
 
 While the governor doubted and did nothing, 
 the lordly Killian went on to complete his 
 sturdy little castellum of Rensellaerstein, and 
 to garrison it with a number of his tenants 
 from the Helderberg, a mountain region famous 
 for the hardest heads and hardest fists in the 
 province. Nicholas Koom, a faithful squire of 
 the patroon, accustomed to strut at his heels, 
 wear his cast-off clothes, and imitate his lofty 
 bearing, was established in this post as wacht- 
 meester. His duty it was to keep an eye on the 
 river, and oblige every vessel that passed, un- 
 less on the service of their High Mightinesses, 
 to strike its flag, lower its peak, and pay toll to 
 the lord of Rensellaerstein. 
 
 This assumption of sovereign authority within 
 the territories of the Lords States-General, how- 
 ever it might have been tolerated by Walter 
 the Doubter, had been sharply contested by 
 William the Testy on coming into office ; and 
 many written remonstrances had been addressed 
 by him to Killian Van Rensellaer, to which the 
 latter never deigned a reply. Thus, by degrees, 
 a sore place, or, in Hibernian parlance, a raw^ 
 had been established in the irritable soul of the 
 little governor, insomuch that he winced at the 
 very name of Rensellaerstein. 
 
 Now it came to pass that on a fine sunny day 
 the Company's yacht, the Half-3Ioon, having
 
 34 fbfstors of Iftew ^ox\{ 
 
 been on one of its stated visits to Fort Aurania, 
 was quietly tiding it down the Hudson. The 
 commander, Govert Lockerman, a veteran Dutch 
 skipper of few words but great bottom, was 
 seated on the high poop, quietly smoking his 
 pipe under the shadow of the proud flag of 
 Orange, when, on arriving abreast of Beam 
 Island, he was saluted by a stentorian voice 
 from the shore, "Lower thy flag, and be d— d 
 to thee!" 
 
 Govert Lockerman, without taking his pipe 
 out of his mouth, turned up his eye from under 
 his broad-brimmed hat to see who hailed him 
 thus discourteously. There, on the ramparts of 
 the fort, stood Nicholas Koom, armed to the 
 teeth, flourishing a brass-hilted sword, while a 
 steeple-crowned hat and cock's tail-feather, for- 
 merly worn by Killian Van Rensellaer himself, 
 gave an inexpressible loftiness to his demeanor. 
 
 Govert Lockerman eyed the warrior from top 
 to toe, but was not to be dismayed. Taking the 
 pipe slowly out of his mouth, "To whom should 
 I lower my flag?" demanded he. "To the 
 high and mighty Killian Van Rensellaer, the 
 lord of Rensellaerstein ! " was the reply. 
 
 "I lower to none but the Prince of Orange 
 and my masters the Lords States-General." So 
 saying, he resumed his pipe and smoked with 
 an air of dogged determination.
 
 Covert Xocfterman 33 
 
 Bang ! went a gun from the fortress ; the ball 
 cut both sail and rigging. Govert Lockerman 
 said nothing, but smoked the more doggedly. 
 
 Bang ! went another gun ; the shot whistled 
 close astern. 
 
 "Fire, and be d — d ! " cried Govert Locker- 
 man, cramming a new charge of tobacco into 
 his pipe, and smoking with still increasing ve- 
 hemence. 
 
 Bang ! went a third gun. The shot passed 
 over his head, tearing a hole in the " princely- 
 flag of Orange." 
 
 This was the hardest trial of all for the pride 
 and patience of Govert Lockerman. He main- 
 tained a stubborn, though swelling silence ; but 
 his smothered rage might be perceived by the 
 short vehement puffs of smoke emitted from his 
 pipe, by which he might be tracked for miles, 
 as he slowly floated out of shot and out of sight 
 of Beam Island. In fact, he never gave vent to 
 his passion until he got fairly among the high- 
 lands of the Hudson ; when he let fly whole 
 volleys of Dutch oaths, which are said to linger 
 to this verj'- day among the echoes of the Dun- 
 derberg, and to give particular effect to the 
 thunder-storms in that neighborhood. 
 
 It was the sudden apparition of Govert Lock- 
 erman at Dog's Misery, bearing in his hand the 
 tattered liag of Orange, that arrested the atten-
 
 56 fjistor^ of "Wew DorTi 
 
 tion of William the Testy, just as he was devis- 
 ing a new expedition against the marauders of 
 Merryland, I will not pretend to describe the 
 passion of the little man when he heard of the 
 outrage of Rensellaerstein. Suffice it to say, in 
 the first transports of his fury, he turned Dog's 
 Misery topsy-turvy ; kicked every cur out of 
 doors, and threw the cats out of the window ; 
 after which, his spleen being in some measure 
 relieved, he went into a council of war with 
 Govert Lockerman, the skipper, assisted by 
 Antony Van Corlear, the Trumpeter.
 
 CHAPTER XI. 
 
 THE DIPI^OMATIC MISSION OP ANTONY THIS 
 TRUMPETER TO THE FORTRESS OF RENSEV 
 I^AERSTEIN — AND HOW HE WAS PUZZI^ED BY 
 A CABAI^TIC REPI^Y. 
 
 THE eyes of all New Amsterdam were now 
 turned to see what would be the end of 
 this direful feud between William the Testy 
 and the patroon of Rensellaerwick ; and some, 
 observing the consultations of the governor 
 with the skipper and the trumpeter, predicted 
 warlike measures by sea and land. The wTath 
 of William Kieft, however, though quick to rise, 
 was quick to evaporate. He was a perfect brush- 
 heap in a blaze, snapping and crackling for a 
 time, and then ending in smoke. Like many 
 other valiant potentates, his first thoughts were 
 all for war, his sober second thoughts for diplo- 
 macy. 
 
 Accordingly, Govert Lockerman was once
 
 38 Ibistors of IRew l!?orJi 
 
 more despatched up the river in the Company's 
 yacht, the Goed Hoop, bearing Antony the 
 Trumpeter as ambassador, to treat with the bel- 
 ligerent powers of Rensellaerstein. In the ful- 
 ness of time the yacht arrived before Beam 
 Island, and Antony the Trumpeter, mounting 
 the poop, sounded a parley to the fortress. In 
 a little while the steeple-crowned hat of Nicholas 
 Koom, the wacht-meester, rose above the battle- 
 ments, followed by his iron visage, and ultimate- 
 ly his whole person, armed, as before, to the very 
 teeth ; while, one by one, a whole row of Helder- 
 bergers reared their round burly heads above 
 the wall, and beside each pumpkin-head ap- 
 peared the end of a rusty musket. Nothing 
 daunted by this formidable array, Antony Van 
 Corlear drew forth and read with audible voice 
 a missive from William the Testy, protesting 
 against the usurpation of Bearn Island, and 
 ordering the garrison to quit the premises, bag 
 and baggage, on pain of the vengeance of the 
 potentate of the Manhattoes. 
 
 In reply, the wacht-meester applied the thumb 
 of his right hand to the end of his nose, and the 
 thumb of his left hand to the little finger of the 
 right, and spreading each hand like a fan, made 
 an aerial flourish with his fingers. Antony Van 
 Corlear was sorely perplexed to understand this 
 sign, which seemed to him something myste-
 
 ^be Sign /Bbanual 39 
 
 rious and masonic. Not liking to betray his 
 ignorance, he again read with a loud voice the 
 missive of William the Testy, and again Nicho- 
 las Koorn applied the thumb of his right hand 
 to the end of his nose, and the thumb of his left 
 hand to the little finger of the right, and re- 
 peated this kind of nasal weathercock. An- 
 tony Van Corlear now persuaded himself that 
 this was some short-hand sign or symbol, cur- 
 rent in diplomacy, which, though unintelligible 
 to a new diplomat, like himself, would speak 
 volumes to the experienced intellect of William 
 the Testy ; considering his embassy therefore 
 at an end, he sounded his trumpet with great 
 complacency and set sail on his return down 
 the river, every now and then practising this 
 mysterious sign of the wacht-meester to keep 
 it accurately in mind. 
 
 Arrived at New Amsterdam, he made a faith- 
 ful report of his embassy to the governor, ac- 
 companied by a manual exhibition of the re- 
 sponse of Nicholas Koorn. The governor was 
 equally perplexed with his embassy. He was 
 deeply versed in the mysteries of freemasonry ; 
 but they threw no light on the matter. He 
 knew every variety of windmill and weather- 
 cock, but was not a whit the wiser as to the 
 aerial sign in question. He had even dabbled in 
 Egyptian hieroglyphics and the mystic symbols
 
 40 1bistori5 of IFlcw l^orft 
 
 of the obelisks, but none furnished a key to the 
 reply of Nicholas Koom. He called a meeting 
 of his council. Antony Van Corlear stood forth 
 in the midst, and putting the thumb of his 
 right hand to his nose, and the thumb of his 
 left hand to the finger of his right, he gave a 
 faithful fac-simile of the portentous sign. Hav- 
 ing a nose of unusual dimensions, it was as if 
 the reply had been put in capitals ; but all in 
 vain : the worthy burgomasters were equally 
 perplexed with the governor. Bach one put 
 his thumb to the end of his nose, spread his 
 fingers like a fan, imitated the motion of An- 
 tony Van Corlear, and then smoked in dubious 
 silence. Several times was Antony obliged to 
 stand forth like a fugleman and repeat the sign, 
 and each time a circle of nasal weathercocks 
 might be seen in the council-chamber. 
 
 Perplexed in the extreme, William the Testy 
 sent for all the soothsayers, and fortune-tellers, 
 and wise men of the Manhattoes, but none 
 could interpret the mysterious reply of Nicholas 
 Koom. The council broke up in sore perplex- 
 ity. The matter got abroad, and Antony Van 
 Corlear was stopped at every corner to repeat 
 the signal to a knot of anxious newsmongers, 
 each of whom departed with his thumb to his 
 nose and his fingers in the air, to carry the 
 story home to his family. For several days all
 
 Zbc IbelOerbergcrs 41 
 
 business was neglected in New Amsterdam ; 
 nothing was talked of but the diplomatic mis- 
 sion of Antony the Trumpeter, — nothing was to 
 be seen but knots of politicians with their 
 thumbs to their noses. In the meantime the 
 fierce feud between William the Testy and Kil- 
 lian Van Rensellaer, which at first had men- 
 aced deadly warfare, gradually cooled off", like 
 many other war questions, in the prolonged de- 
 lays of diplomacy. 
 
 Still to this early affair of Rensellaerstein 
 may be traced the remote origin of those windy 
 wars in modern days which rage in the bowels 
 of the Helderberg, and have wellnigh shaken 
 the great patroonship of the Van Rensellaers to 
 its foundation ; for we are told that the bully 
 boys of the Helderberg who served under Nich- 
 olas Koorn the wacht-meester, carried back to 
 their mountains the hieroglyphic sign which 
 had so sorely puzzled Antony Van Corlear and 
 the sages of the Manhattoes ; so that to the pres- 
 ent day the thumb to the nose and the fingers in 
 the air is apt to be the reply of the Helder- 
 bergers whenever called upon for any long ar- 
 rears of rent
 
 CHAPTER XII. 
 
 CONTAINING THE RISE OF THE GREAT AMPHIC- 
 TYONIC COUNCII, OF THE PIIcGRIMS, WITH 
 THE DECLINE AND FINAI, EXTINCTION OF 
 WII,I,IAM THE TESTY. 
 
 IT was asserted by the wise men of ancient 
 times, who had a nearer opportunity of 
 ascertaining the fact, that at the gate of Jupiter's 
 palace lay two huge tuns, one filled with bless- 
 ings, the other with misfortunes, and it would 
 verily seem as if the latter had been completely 
 overturned and left to deluge the unlucky prov- 
 ince of Nieuw Nederlandts ; for about this time, 
 while harassed and annoyed from the south and 
 the north, incessant forays were made by the 
 border chivalry of Connecticut upon the pig- 
 sties and hen-roosts of the Nederlanders. Every 
 day or two some broad-bottomed express-rider, 
 covered with mud and mire, would come floun- 
 dering into the gate of New Amsterdam,
 
 ^be ©atberltiQ Storm 4.7 
 
 freighted with some new tale of aggression 
 from the frontier ; whereupon Antony Van Cor- 
 lear, seizing his trumpet, the only substitute for 
 a newspaper in those primitive days, would 
 sound the tidings from the ramparts with such 
 doleful notes and disastrous cadence as to 
 throw half the old women in the city into 
 hysterics ; all which tended greatly to increase 
 his popularity, there being nothing for which 
 the public are more grateful than being fre- 
 quently treated to a panic, — a secret well known 
 to the modem editors. 
 
 But, O ye powers ! into what a paroxysm of 
 passion did each new outrage of the Yankees 
 throw the choleric little governor ! Letter after 
 letter, protest after protest, bad Latin, worse 
 English, and hideous Low Dutch, were inces- 
 santly fulminated upon them, and the four-and- 
 twenty letters of the alphabet, which formed 
 his standing army, were worn out by constant 
 campaigning. All, however, was ineffectual ; 
 even the recent victory at Oyster Bay, which 
 had shed such a gleam of sunshine between the 
 clouds of his foul-weather reign, was soon 
 followed by a more fearful gathering up of 
 those clouds and indications of more portentous 
 tempest ; for the Yankee tribe on the banks of 
 the Connecticut, finding on this memorable 
 occasion their incompetency to cope, in fair
 
 44 l)l0torB ot naew l^orFi 
 
 fight, with the sturdy chivalry of the Manhat- 
 toes, had called to their aid all the ten tribes of 
 their brethem, who inhabit the east country, 
 which from them has derived the name of 
 Yankee-land. This call was promptly respond- 
 ed to. The consequence was a great confedera- 
 cy of the tribes of Massachusetts, Connecticut, 
 New Plymouth, and New Haven, under the 
 title of the " United Colonies of New England" ; 
 the pretended object of which was mutual de- 
 fence against the savages, but the real object the 
 subjugation of the Nieuw Nederlandts. 
 
 For, to let the reader into one of the great 
 secrets of histor}^, the Nieuw Nederlandts had 
 long been regarded by the whole Yankee race 
 as the modern land of promise, and themselves 
 as the chosen and peculiar people destined, one 
 day or other, by hook or by crook, to get pos- 
 session of it. In truth, they are a wonderful 
 and all-prevalent people, of that class who only 
 require an inch to gain an ell, or a halter to 
 gain a horse. From the time they first gained 
 a foothold on Plymouth Rock, they began to 
 migrate, progressing and progressing from place 
 to place, and land to land, making a little here 
 and a little there, and controverting the old 
 proverb that a rolling stone gathers no moss. 
 Hence they have facetiously received the nick- 
 name of The PiIvGRIMS : that is to say, a peo-
 
 Jibe ©reat l^anhee Xeague 45 
 
 pie who are always seeking a better country 
 than their own. 
 
 The tidings of this great Yankee league struck 
 William Kieft with dismay, and for once in his 
 life he forgot to bounce on receiving a disagree- 
 able piece of intelligence. In fact, turning over 
 in his mind all that he had read at the Hague 
 about leagues and combinations, he found that 
 this was an exact counterpart of the Amphicty- 
 onic League, by which the states of Greece 
 attained such power and supremacy ; and the 
 very idea made his heart quake for the safety 
 of his empire at the Manhattoes. 
 
 The affairs of the confederacy were managed 
 by an annual council of delegates held at Boston, 
 which Kieft denominated the Delphos of this 
 truly classic league. The very first meeting 
 gave evidence of hostility to the New Neder- 
 landers, who were charged, in their dealings 
 with the Indians, with carrying on a traffic in 
 "guns, powther, and shott, — a trade damnable 
 and injurious to the colonists." It is true the 
 Connecticut traders were fain to dabble a little 
 in this damnable traffic ; but then they always 
 dealt in what were termed Yankee guns, in- 
 geniously calculated to burst in the pagan hands 
 which used them. 
 
 The rise of this potent confederacy was a 
 death-blow to the glorj' of William the Testy,
 
 46 Ibistorg of IRew l^orFi 
 
 for from that day forward he never held up his 
 head, but appeared quite crestfallen. It is true, 
 as the grand council augmented in power, and 
 the league, rolling onward, gathered about the 
 red hills of New Haven, threatening to over- 
 whelm the Nieuw Nederlandts, he continued 
 occasionally to fulminate proclamations and 
 protests, as a shrewd sea-captain fires his gun 
 into a water-spout ; but alas ! they had no more 
 effect than so many blank cartridges. 
 
 Thus end the authenticated chronicles of the 
 reign of William the Testy ; for henceforth, in 
 the troubles, perplexities, and confusion of the 
 times, he seems to have been totally overlooked, 
 and to have slipped forever through the fingers 
 of scrupulous history. It is a matter of deep 
 concern that such obscurity should hang over 
 his latter days ; for he was in truth a mighty 
 and great-little man, seeing that he was the first 
 potentate that introduced into this land the art 
 of fighting by proclamation, and defending a 
 country by trumpeters and wind-mills. 
 
 It is true, that certain of the early provincial 
 poets, of whom there were great numbers in the 
 Nieuw Nederlandts, taking advantage of his 
 mysterious exit, have fabled that, like Romu- 
 lus, he was translated to the skies, and forms a 
 very fiery little star, somewhere on the left 
 claw of the Crab ; while others, equally fanciful,
 
 jpate ot HCliUiam tbe Zcet^ 47 
 
 declare that he experienced a fate similar to 
 that of the good King Arthur, who, we are 
 assured by ancient bards, was carried away to 
 the delicious abodes of fairy-land, where he still 
 exists in pristine worth and vigor, and will one 
 day or another return to restore the gallantry, 
 the honor, and the immaculate probity, which 
 prevailed in the glorious days of the Round 
 Table.* 
 
 All these, however, are but pleasing fantasies, 
 the cobweb visions of those dreaming varlets, 
 to which I would not have my judicious readers 
 attach any credibility. Neither am I disposed 
 to credit an ancient and rather apocryphal histo- 
 rian, who asserts that the ingenious Wilhelmus 
 was annihilated by the blowing down of one 
 of his wind-mills ; nor a writer of later times, 
 who affirms that he fell a victim to an experiment 
 in natural history, having the misfortune to 
 break his neck from the garret-window of the 
 stadthouse in attempting to catch swallows by 
 sprinkling salt upon their tails. Still less do I 
 
 * The old Welsh bards believed that King Arthur was 
 not dead, but carried awaie by the fairies into some 
 pleasant place, where he sholde remaine for a time, and 
 then retume againe and reign e in as great authority as 
 ever. — Hollinshed. 
 
 The Britons suppose that he shall come yet and con- 
 quere all Britaigne, for certes, this is the prophicye of 
 Merlyn — He say'd that his deth shall be doubteous ; and 
 saidsoth, for men thereof yet have doubte and shullen 
 for ever more — for men wyt not whether he lyveth or is 
 dede.— D. I^eew. Chron.
 
 48 tblstors ot IRew l^ocft 
 
 put my faith in the tradition that he perished at 
 sea in conveying home to Holland a treasure 
 of golden ore, discovered somewhere among 
 the hatmted regions of the Catskill Moun- 
 tains.* 
 
 * Diedrich Knickerbocker, in his scrupulous search 
 after truth, is sometimes too fastidious in regard to facts 
 which border a little on the marvellous. The story of the 
 golden ore rests on something better than mere tradi- 
 tion. The venerable Adrian Van der Donck, Doctor of 
 l,aws, in his description of the Nevsr Netherlands, asserts 
 it from his own observation as an eye-witness. He was 
 present, he says, in 1645, at a treaty between Governor 
 Kieft and the Mohawk Indians, in which one of the 
 latter, in painting himself for the ceremony, used a pig- 
 ment, the weight and shining appearance of which 
 excited the curiosity of the governor and Mynheer Van 
 der Donck. They obtained a lump, and gave it to be 
 proved by a skilful doctor of medicine, Johannes de la 
 Montague, one of the councillors of the New Nether- 
 lands. It was put into a crucible, and yielded two pieces 
 of gold, worth about three guilders. All this, continues 
 Adrian Van der Donck, was kept secret. As soon as 
 peace was made with the Mohawks, an ofl&cer and a few 
 men were sent to the mountain, (in the region of the 
 Kaatskill,) under the guidance 01 an Indian, to search for 
 the precious mineral. They brought back a bucketful of 
 ore ; which, being submitted to the crucible, proved as 
 productive as the first. William Kiefl now thought the 
 discovery certain. He sent a confidential person, Arent 
 Corsen, with a bag full of the mineral, to New Haven, to 
 take passage in an E)nglish ship for England^ thence to 
 proceed to Holland. The vessel sailed at Christmas, but 
 never reached her port. All on board perished. 
 
 In the year 1647, Wilhelmus Kieft himself embarked 
 on board the Princess, taking with him specimens of 
 the supposed mineral. The ship was never heard of 
 more! 
 
 Some have supposed that the mineral in question was 
 not gold, but pyrites ; but we have the assertion of 
 Adrian Van der Donck, an eye-witness, and the experi- 
 ment of Johannes de la Montagne, a learned doctor of 
 medicine, on the golden side of the question. Cornelius 
 Van Tienhooven, also, at that time secretary of the New
 
 Ibis probable BnD 49 
 
 The most probable account declares that, 
 what with the constant troubles on his frontiers, 
 the incessant schemings and projects going on 
 in his own pericranium, the memorials, peti- 
 tions, remonstrances, and sage pieces of advice 
 of respectable meetings of the sovereign people, 
 and the refractory disposition of his councillors, 
 who were siire to differ from him on every point, 
 and uniformly to be in the wrong, his mind was 
 kept in a furnace heat, until he became as com- 
 pletely burnt out as a Dutch family pipe which 
 has passed through three generations of hard 
 smokers. In this manner did he undergo a 
 kind of animal combustion, consuming away 
 like a farthing rushlight; so that when grim 
 death finally snuffed him out, there was scarce 
 left enough of him to bury ! 
 
 Netherlands, declared in Holland that he had tested 
 several specimens of the mineral, which proved satisfac- 
 tory-.* 
 
 It would appear however, that these golden treasures 
 of the Kaatskill always brought ill luck : as is e\'idenced 
 in the fate of Arent Corsen and Wilhelmus Kieft, and the 
 wreck of the ships in which they attempted to convey 
 the treasure across the ocean. The golden mines have 
 never since been explored, but remain among the mys- 
 teries of the Kaatskill Mountains, and under the pro- 
 tection of the goblins that haunt them. 
 
 * See Van der Donck's " Description of the New Neth- 
 erlands." Collect. New York Hist. Society, Vol. I., p. 161.
 
 BOOK V. 
 
 CONTAINING TH^ FIRST PART OF THR REIGN 
 OF PETER STUYVESANT, AND HIS TROUBI^ES 
 WITH THE AMPHICTYONIC COUNCII,. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 IN WHICH THE DEATH OF A GREAT MAN IS 
 SHOWN TO BE NO VERY INCONSOIyABI^E 
 MATTER OF SORROW — AND HOW PETER 
 STUYVESANT ACQUIRED A GREAT NAME 
 FROM THE UNCOMMON STRENGTH OF HIS 
 HEAD. 
 
 TO a profound philosopher like myself, who 
 am apt to see clear through a subject, 
 where the penetration of ordinary people ex- 
 tends but half way, there is no fact more simple 
 and manifest than that the death of a great man 
 is a matter of very little importance. Much as 
 we may think of ourselves, and much as we may 
 excite the empty plaudits of the million, it is
 
 Cbfet /Bournera 5t 
 
 certain that the greatest among us do actually 
 fill but an exceeding small space in the world ; 
 and it is equally certain that even that small 
 space is quickly supplied when we leave 
 it vacant. "Of what consequence is it," said 
 Pliny, *' that individuals appear, or make their 
 exit ? The world is a theatre, whose scenes and 
 actors are continually changing." Never did 
 philosopher speak more correctly ; and I only 
 wonder that so wise a remark could have ex- 
 isted so many ages, and mankind not have laid 
 it more to heart. Sage follows on in the foot- 
 steps of sage ; one hero just steps out of his 
 triumphal car, to make way for the hero who 
 comes after him ; and of the proudest monarch 
 it is merely said, that "he slept with his fa- 
 thers, and his successor reigned in his stead." 
 
 The world, to tell the private truth, cares but 
 little for their loss, and if left to itself would 
 soon forget to grieve ; and though a nation has 
 often been figuratively drowned in tears on the 
 death of a great man, yet it is ten to one if an 
 individual tear has been shed on the occasion, 
 excepting from the forlorn pen of some hungry 
 author. It is the historian, the biographer, and 
 the poet, who have the whole burden of grief to 
 sustain, — who — kind souls ! — like undertakers 
 in England, act the part of chief mourners, — 
 who inflate a nation with sighs it never
 
 52 1bi6tors of TRew forft 
 
 heaved, and deluge it with tears it never 
 dreamt of shedding. Thus, while the patriotic 
 author is weeping and howling, in prose, in 
 hlank verse, and in rhyme, and collecting the 
 drops of public sorrow into his volume, as into 
 a lachrymal vase, it is more than probable his 
 fellow-citizens are eating and drinking, fiddling 
 and dancing, as utterly ignorant of the bitter 
 lamentations made in their name as are those 
 men of straw, John Doe and Richard Roe, of 
 the plaintiffs for whom they are generously 
 pleased to become sureties. 
 
 The most glorious hero that ever desolated 
 nations might have mouldered into oblivion 
 among the rubbish of his own monument, did 
 not some historian take him into favor, and 
 benevolently transmit his name to posterity ; 
 and much as the vahant William Kieft worried, 
 and hustled, and turmoiled, while he had the 
 destinies of a whole colony in his hand, I ques- 
 tion seriously whether he will not be obliged to 
 this authentic history for all his future celebrity. 
 
 His exit occasioned no convulsion in the city 
 of New Amsterdam nor its vicinity ; the earth 
 trembled not, neither did any stars shoot from 
 their spheres; the heavens were not shrouded 
 in black, as poets w^ould fain persuade us they 
 have been, on the death of a hero ; the rocks 
 Chard-hearted varlets !) melted not into tears,
 
 f n /Rcmoriam 53 
 
 nor did the trees hang their heads in silent sor- 
 row ; and as to the sun, he lay abed the next 
 night just as long, and showed as jolly a face 
 when he rose as he ever did on the same day of 
 the month in any year, either before or since. 
 The good people of New Amsterdam, one and 
 all, declared that he had been a very busy, 
 active, bustling little governor ; that he was 
 " the father of this country " ; that he was ''the 
 noblest work of God" ; that "he was a man, 
 take him for all in all, they ne'er should look 
 upon his like again " ; together with sundry oth- 
 er civil and affectionate speeches regularly said 
 on the death of all great men ; after which they 
 smoked their pipes, thought no more about him, 
 and Peter Stuyvesant succeeded to his station. 
 
 Peter Stuyvesant was the last, and, like the 
 renowned Wouter Van Twiller, the best of our 
 ancient Dutch governors ; Wouter having sur- 
 passed all who preceded him, and Peter, or Piet, 
 as he was sociably called by the old Dutch 
 burghers, who were ever prone to familiarize 
 names, having never been equalled by any suc- 
 cessor. He was in fact the very man fitted by 
 nature to retrieve the desperate fortunes of her 
 beloved province, had not the fates, those most 
 potent and unrelenting of all ancient spinsters, 
 destined them to inextricable confusion. 
 
 To say merely that he was a hero, would be
 
 54 1bl6tors ot Bew l^orft 
 
 doing him great injustice : he was in truth a 
 combination of heroes ; for he was of a sturdy, 
 raw-boned make, like Ajax Telamon, with a pair 
 of round shoulders that Hercules would have 
 given his hide for (meaning his lion's hide) 
 when he undertook to ease old Atlas of his load. 
 He was, moreover, as Plutarch describes Corio- 
 lanus, not only terrible for the force of his arm, 
 but likewise of his voice, which sounded as 
 though it came out of a barrel ; and, like the 
 self-same warrior, he possessed a sovereign con- 
 tempt for the sovereign people, and an iron 
 aspect, which was enough of itself to make the 
 very bowels of his adversaries quake with terror 
 and dismay. All this material excellency of 
 appearance was inexpressibly heightened by an 
 accidental advantage, with which I am surprised 
 that neither Homer nor Virgil have graced any 
 of their heroes. This was nothing less than a 
 wooden leg, which was the only prize he had 
 gained in bravely fighting the battles of his 
 country, but of which he was so proud, that he 
 was often heard to declare he valued it more 
 than all his other limbs put together ; indeed so 
 highly did he esteem it that he had it gallantly 
 enchased and relieved with silver devices, which 
 caused it to be related in divers histories and 
 legends that he wore a silver leg.* 
 
 * See the histories of Masters Josselyn and Blome.
 
 peter Stuisvesant 55 
 
 Like that choleric warrior Achilles, he was 
 somewhat subject to extempore bursts of pas- 
 sion, which were rather unpleasant to his favor- 
 ites and attendants, whose perceptions he was 
 apt to quicken, after the manner of his illustrious 
 imitator, Peter the Great, by anointing their 
 shoulders with his walking-staff. 
 
 Though I cannot find that he had read Plato, 
 or Aristotle, or Hobbes, or Bacon, or Algernon 
 Sydney, or Tom Paine, yet did he sometimes 
 manifest a shrewdness and sagacity in his meas- 
 ures, that one would hardly expect from a man 
 who did not know Greek, and had never studied 
 the ancients. True it is, and I confess it with 
 sorrow, that he had an unreasonable aversion 
 to experiments, and was fond of governing his 
 province after the simplest manner ; but then 
 he contrived to keep it in better order than did 
 the erudite Kieft, though he had all the philos- 
 ophers, ancient and modem, to assist and per- 
 plex him. I must likewise own that he made 
 but very few laws ; but then, again, he took care 
 that those few were rigidly and impartially en- 
 forced ; and I do not know but justice, on the 
 whole, was as well administered as if there had 
 been volumes of sage acts and statutes yearly 
 made, and daily neglected and forgotten. 
 
 He was, in fact, the very reverse of his pred- 
 ecessors, being neither tranquil and inert, like
 
 56 Ibistor^ of IFlew l^ork 
 
 Walter the Doubter, nor restless and fidgeting, 
 like William the Testy, but a man, or rather a 
 governor, of such uncommon activity and deci- 
 sion of mind, that he never sought nor accepted 
 the advice of others, — depending bravely upon 
 his single head, as would a hero of yore upon 
 his single arm, to carry him through all diffi- 
 culties and dangers. To tell the simple truth, 
 he wanted nothing more to complete him as a 
 statesman than to think always right ; for no one 
 can say but that he always acted as he thought. 
 He was never a man to flinch when he found 
 himself in a scrape, but to dash forward through 
 thick and thin, trusting, by hook or by crook, 
 to make all things straight in the end. In a 
 word, he possessed, in an eminent degree, that 
 great quality in a statesman, called perseverance 
 by the polite, but nicknamed obstinacy by the 
 vulgar, — a wonderful salve for official blunders, 
 since he who perseveres in error without flinch- 
 ing gets the credit of boldness and consistency, 
 while he who wavers in seeking to do what is 
 right gets stigmatized as a trimmer. This much 
 is certain, and it is a maxim well worthy the at- 
 tention of all legislators, great and small, who 
 stand shaking in the wind, irresolute which way 
 to steer, that a ruler who follows his own will 
 pleases himself, while he who seeks to satisfy 
 the wishes and whims of others runs great risk
 
 'QClinDs ^vit>n^ 57 
 
 of pleasing nobody. There is nothing, too, like 
 putting down one's foot resolutely when in 
 doubt, and letting things take their course. The 
 clock that stands still points right twice in the 
 four-and-twenty hours, while others may keep 
 going continually and be continually going 
 wrong. 
 
 Nor did this magnanimous quality escape the 
 discernment of the good people of Nieuw Neder- 
 landts ; on the contrary, so much were they 
 struck with the independent will and vigorous 
 resolution displayed on all occasions by their 
 new governor, that they universally called him 
 Hard-Koppig Piet, or Peter the Headstrong, — 
 a great compliment to the strength of his un- 
 derstanding. 
 
 If, from all that I have said, thou dost not 
 gather, worthy reader, that Peter Stuyvesant 
 was a rough, sturdy, valiant, weather-beaten, 
 mettlesome, obstinate, leathern-sided, lion- 
 hearted, generous-spirited old governor, either 
 I have written to but little purpose, or thou art 
 very dull at drawing conclusions. 
 
 This most excellent governor commenced his 
 administration on the 29th of May, 1647, — a 
 remarkably stormy day, distinguished in all the 
 almanacs of the time which have come down to 
 us by the name of Windy Friday. As he was 
 very jealous of his personal and oflScial dignity,
 
 58 Ibistorg of naew l^orft 
 
 he was inaugurated into office with great cere- 
 mony, — the goodly oaken chair of the re- 
 nowned Wouter Van Twiller being carefully 
 preserved for such occasions, in like manner as 
 the chair and stone were reverentially preserved 
 at Schone, in Scotland, for the coronation of 
 the Caledonian monarchs. 
 
 I must not omit to mention that the tem- 
 pestuous state of the elements, together with 
 its being that unlucky day of the week termed 
 "hanging-day," did not fail to excite much 
 grave speculations and divers very reasonable 
 apprehensions among the more ancient and 
 enlightened inhabitants ; and several of the 
 sager sex, who were reputed to be not a little 
 skilled in the mystery of astrology and fortune- 
 telling, did declare outright that they were 
 omens of a disastrous administration, — an event 
 that came to be lamentably verified, and which 
 proves beyond dispute the wisdom of attending 
 to those preternatural intimations furnished 
 by dreams and visions, the flying of birds, fall- 
 ing of stones, and cackling of geese, on which 
 the sages and rulers of ancient times placed 
 such reliance ; or to those shootings of stars, 
 eclipses of the moon, bowlings of dogs, and 
 flarings of candles, carefully noted and inter- 
 preted by the oracular sibyls of our day, — who, 
 in my humble opinion, are the legitimate in-
 
 CbreatencD Danger 59 
 
 heritors and preservers of the ancient science 
 of divination. This much is certain, that Gov- 
 ernor Stuyvesant succeeded to the chair of 
 state at a turbulent period : when foes thronged 
 and threatened from without ; when anarchy 
 and stiflf-necked opposition reigned rampant 
 within; when the authority of their High 
 Mightinesses the Lords States-General, though 
 supported by economy and defended by speech- 
 es, protests, and proclamations, yet tottered to 
 its very centre ; and when the great city of 
 New Amsterdam, though fortified by flag-staffs, 
 trumpeters, and windmills, seemed, like some 
 fair lady of easy virtue, to lie open to attack, 
 and ready to yield to the first invader.
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 SHOWING HOW PETER THE HEADSTRONG BE- 
 STIRRED HIMSEI.F AMONG THE RATS AND 
 COBWEBS ON ENTERING INTO OFFICE — HIS 
 INTERVIEW WITH ANTONY THE TRUMP- 
 ETER, AND HIS PERII^OUS MEDDI^ING WITH 
 THE CURRENCY. 
 
 THB very first movements of the great Peter, 
 on taking the reins of government, dis- 
 played his magnanimity, though they occa- 
 sioned not a little marvel and uneasiness among 
 the people of the Manhattoes. Finding him- 
 self constantly interrupted by the opposition, 
 and annoyed by the advice of his privy council, 
 the members of which had acquired the unrea- 
 sonable habit of thinking and speaking for 
 themselves during the preceding reign, he de- 
 termined at once to put a stop to such grievous 
 abominations. Scarcely, therefore, had he 
 entered upon his authority, than he turned out
 
 DlGorous /Bbeasures 6i 
 
 of office all the meddlesome spirits of the fac- 
 tious cabinet of William the Testy ; in place of 
 whom he chose unto himself counsellors from 
 those fat, somniferous, respectable burghers who 
 had flourished and slumbered under the easy- 
 reign of Walter the Doubter. All these he 
 caused to be furnished with abundance of fair 
 long pipes, and to be regaled with frequent 
 corporation dinners, admonishing them to 
 smoke, and eat, and sleep for the good of the 
 nation, while he took the burden of govern- 
 ment upon his own shoulders, — an arrangement 
 to which they all gave hearty acquiescence. 
 
 Nor did he stop here, but made a hideous rout 
 among the inventions and expedients of his 
 learned predecessor, — rooting up his patent gal- 
 lows, where caitiff vagabonds were suspended 
 by the waistband, — demolishing his flag-staffs 
 and windmills, which, like mighty giants, 
 guarded the ramparts of New Amsterdam, — 
 pitching to the duj^el whole batteries of quaker 
 guns, — and, in a word, turning topsy-turvy the 
 whole philosophic, economic, and windmill 
 system of the immortal sage of Saardam. 
 
 The honest folk of New Amsterdam began to 
 quake now for the fate of their matchless cham- 
 pion, Antony the Trumpeter, who had acquired 
 prodigious favor in the eyes of the women, by 
 means of his whiskers and his trumpet. Him
 
 62 1bl6torg of IFlcw l^orft 
 
 did Peter the Headstrong cause to be brought 
 into his presence, and eying him for a moment 
 from head to foot, with a countenance that would 
 have appalled any thing else than a sounder of 
 brass, — "Pr'ylhee, who and what art thou?" 
 said he. ** Sire," replied the other, in no wise 
 dismayed, ** for my name, it is Antony Van Cor- 
 lear ; for my parentage, I am the son of my 
 mother ; for my profession, I am champion and 
 garrison of this great city of New Amsterdam." 
 "I doubt me much," said Peter Stuyvesant, 
 **that thou art some scurvy costard-monger 
 knave. How didst thou acquire this paramount 
 honor and dignity ? " "Marry, sir, " replied the 
 other, "like many a great man before me, simply 
 by sounding my own trutnpet.''^ *' Ay, is it so ? " 
 quoth the governor ; "why, then, let us have a 
 relish of thy art. " Whereupon the good Antony 
 put his instrument to his lip, and sounded a 
 charge with such a tremendous outset, such a 
 delectable quaver, and such a triumphant 
 cadence, that it was enough to make one's heart 
 leap out of one's mouth only to be within a mile 
 of it. Like as a war-worn charger, grazing in 
 peaceful plains, starts at a strain of martial music, 
 pricks up his ears, and snorts, and paws, and 
 kindles at the noise, so did the heroic Peter joy 
 to hear the clangor of the trumpet ; for of him 
 might truly be said, what was recorded of the
 
 peter anD Bntonis 63 
 
 renowned St. George of England, "there was 
 nothing in all the world that more rejoiced his 
 heart than to hear the pleasant sound of war, 
 and see the soldiers brandish forth their steeled 
 weapons." Casting his eye more kindly, there- 
 fore, upon the sturdy Van Corlear, and finding 
 him to be a jovial varlet, shrewd in his discourse, 
 yet of great discretion and immeasurable wind, 
 he straightway conceived a vast kindness for him, 
 and discharging him from the troublesome duty 
 of garrisoning, defending, and alarming the city, 
 ever after retained him about his person, as his 
 chief favorite, confidential envoy, and trusty 
 squire. Instead of disturbing the city with dis- 
 astrous notes, he was instructed to play so as to 
 dehght the governor while at his repasts, as did 
 the minstrels of yore in the days of glorious 
 chivalry, and on all public occasions to rejoice 
 the ears of the people with warlike melody, — 
 thereby keeping alive a noble and martial 
 spirit. 
 
 But the measure of the valiant Peter which 
 produced the greatest agitation in the commu- 
 nity, was his laying his hand on the currency. 
 He had old-fashioned notions in favor of gold 
 and silver, which he considered the true standards 
 of wealth and mediums of commerce ; and one 
 of his first edicts was, that all duties to govern- 
 ment should be paid in those precious metals,
 
 64 Iblstors of naew l^orft 
 
 and that seawant, or wampum, should no longer 
 be a legal tender. 
 
 Here was a blow at public prosperity ! All 
 those who speculated on the rise and fall of this 
 fluctuating currency, found their calling at an 
 end ; those, too, who had hoarded Indian money 
 by barrels full, found their capital shrunk in 
 amount ; but, above all, the Yankee traders, who 
 were accustomed to flood the market with newly 
 coined oyster-shells, and to abstract Dutch mer- 
 chandise in exchange, were loud-mouthed in de- 
 crying this "tampering with the currency." It 
 was clipping the wings of commerce ; it was 
 checking the development of public prosperity ; 
 trade would be at an end ; goods would moulder 
 on the shelves ; grain would rot in the granaries ; 
 grass would grow in the market-place. In a 
 word, no one who has not heard the outcries and 
 bowlings of a modern Tarshish, at any check 
 upon ** paper-money," can have any idea of the 
 clamor against Peter the Headstrong, for check- 
 ing the circulation of oyster-shells. 
 
 In fact, trade did sink into narrower chan- 
 nels ; but then the stream was deep as it was 
 broad ; the honest Dutchmen sold less goods ; 
 but then they got the worth of them, either in 
 silver and gold, or in codfish, tin-ware, apple- 
 brandy, Weathersfield onions, wooden bowls, 
 and other articles of Yankee barter. The in-
 
 "dCloo&cn tiutmcQe 65 
 
 genious people of the east, however, indemnified 
 themselves another way for having to abandon 
 the coinage of oyster-shells ; for about this time 
 we are told that wooden nutmegs made their 
 first appearance in New Amsterdam, to the great 
 annoyance of the Dutch housewives. 
 
 NOTE. 
 
 From a manuscript record of the province ; Lib. N. Y. 
 Hist. Society. — We have been unable to render your in- 
 habitants wiser and prevent their being further imposed 
 upon than to declare absolutely and peremptorily that 
 henceforward seawant shall be bullion, — not longer ad- 
 missible in trade, without any value, as it is indeed. So 
 that every one may be upon his guard to barter no longer 
 away his wares and merchandises for these bubbles, — 
 at least not to accept them at a higher rate, or in a larger 
 quantity, than as they may want them in their trade with 
 the savages. 
 
 In this way your English (Yankee) neighbors shall no 
 longer be enabled to draw the best wares and merchan- 
 dises from our country for nothing, — the beavers and furs 
 not excepted. This has indeed long since been insuffer- 
 able, although it ought chiefly to be imputed to the im- 
 prudent penuriousness of our own merchants and in- 
 habitants, who, it is to be hoped, shall, through the 
 abolition of this seawant, become wiser and more 
 prudent. 
 
 27th January, 1662. 
 
 Seawant falls into disrepute ; duties to be paid in silver
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 HOW THE YANKEE IvEAGUE WAXED MORE AND 
 MORE POTENT ; AND HOW IT OUTWITTED THE 
 GOOD PETER IN TREATY-MAKING. 
 
 NOW it came to pass that, while Peter Stuy- 
 vesant was busy regulating the internal 
 afifairs of his domain, the great Yankee league, 
 which had caused such tribulation to William 
 the Testy, continued to increase in extent and 
 power. The grand Amphictyonic council of 
 the league was held at Boston, where it spun a 
 web, which threatened to link within it all the 
 mighty principalities and powers of the east. 
 The object proposed by this formidable combi- 
 nation was mutual protection and defence 
 against their savage neighbors ; but all the 
 world knows the real aim was to form a grand 
 crusade against the Nieuw Nederlandts, and to 
 get possession of the city of the Manhattoes, — 
 as devout an object of enterprise and ambition 
 to the Yankees as was ever the capture of Jeru- 
 salem to ancient crusaders.
 
 •KboDe lIslanD petition 67 
 
 In the very year following the inauguration 
 of Governor Stuyvesant, a grand deputation 
 departed from the city of Providence (famous 
 for its dusty streets and beauteous women) in 
 behalf of the plantation of Rhode Island, pray- 
 ing to be admitted into the league. 
 
 The following minute of this deputation ap- 
 peared in the ancient records of the council.* 
 
 "Mr. Will. Cottington and Captain Partridg 
 of Rhoode Island presented this insewing re- 
 quest to the commissioners in wrighting — 
 
 " Our request and motion is in behalfe of 
 Rhoode Hand, that wee the Ilauders of Roode- 
 Iland may be rescauied into combination with 
 all the united colonyes of New England in a 
 firme and perpetual league of friendship and 
 amity of ofence and defence, mutuall advice 
 and succor upon all just occasions for our mu- 
 tuall safety and wellfaire, etc. 
 
 " WiLi. Cottington. 
 
 " AwcxsANDER Partridg." 
 
 There was certainly something in the very 
 physiognomy of this document that might well 
 inspire apprehension. The name of Alexander, 
 however misspelt, has been warlike in every 
 age ; and though its fierceness is in some meas- 
 ure softened by being coupled with the gentle 
 
 • Haz. Col. Stat. Pap.
 
 68 Distort of IRcw l^orFi 
 
 cognomen of Partridge, still, like the color of 
 scarlet, it bears an exceeding great resemblance 
 to the sound of a trumpet. From the style of 
 the letter, moreover, and the soldier-like igno- 
 rance of orthography displayed by the noble 
 Captain Alicxsander Partridg in spelling his 
 own name, we may picture to ourselves this 
 mighty man of Rhodes, strong in arms, potent 
 in the field, and as great a scholar as though he 
 had been educated among that learned people 
 of Thrace, who, Aristotle assures us, could not 
 count beyond the nimiber four. 
 
 The result of this great Yankee league was 
 augmented audacity on the part of the moss- 
 troopers of Connecticut, — pushing their en- 
 croachments farther and farther into the terri- 
 tories of their High Mightinesses, so that even 
 the inhabitants of New Amsterdam began to 
 draw short breath and to find themselves ex- 
 ceedingly cramped for elbow-room. 
 
 Peter Stuyvesant was not a man to submit 
 quietly to such intrusions ; his first impulse 
 was to march at once to the frontier and kick 
 these squatting Yankees out of the country ; 
 but, bethinking himself in time that he was 
 now a governor and legislator, the policy of the 
 statesman for once cooled the fire of the old 
 soldier, and he determined to try his hand at 
 negotiation. A correspondence accordingly
 
 f)an3 IRelnier ©otbout 69 
 
 ensued between him and the grand council of 
 the league, and it was agreed that commissioners 
 from either side should meet at Hartford, to 
 settle boundaries, adjust grievances, and estab- 
 lish a " perpetual and happy peace." 
 
 The commissioners on the part of the Man- 
 hattoes were chosen, according to immemorial 
 usage of that venerable metropolis, from among 
 the "wisest and weightiest" men of the com- 
 munity, that is to say, men with the oldest 
 heads and heaviest pockets. Among these 
 sages the veteran navigator, Hans Reinier 
 Oothout, who had made such extensive discov- 
 eries during the time of Oloffe the Dreamer, 
 was looked up to as an oracle in all matters of 
 the kind ; and he was ready to produce the very 
 spy-glass with which he first spied the mouth 
 of the Connecticut River from his mast-head ; 
 and all the world knows the discovery of the 
 mouth of a river gives prior right to all the 
 lands drained by its waters. 
 
 It was with feelings of pride and exultation 
 that the good people of the Manhattoes saw two 
 of the richest and most ponderous burghers 
 departing on this embassy, — men whose word 
 on 'change was oracular, and in whose presence 
 no poor man ventured to appear without taking 
 off his hat ; when it was seen, too, that the vet- 
 eran Reinier Oothout accompanied them with
 
 70 1b(6torg ot Bew ^oxU 
 
 his spy-glass under his arm, all the old men 
 and old women predicted that men of such 
 weight, with such evidence, would leave the 
 Yankees no alternative but to pack up their tin 
 kettles and wooden wares, put wife and chil- 
 dren in a cart, and abandon all the lands of 
 their High Mightinesses on which they had 
 squatted. 
 
 In truth, the commissioners sent to Hartford 
 by the league seemed in no wise calculated to 
 compete with men of such capacity. They 
 were two lean Yankee lawyers, litigious-look- 
 ing varlets, and evidently men of no substance, 
 since they had no rotundity in the belt, and 
 there was no jingling of money in their pock- 
 ets ; it is true, they had longer heads than the 
 Dutchmen ; but if the heads of the latter were 
 flat at top, they were broad at bottom, and what 
 was wanting in height of forehead was made 
 up by a double chin. 
 
 The negotiation turned as usual upon the 
 good old comer-stone of original discovery, — 
 according to the principle that he who first sees 
 a new country has an unquestionable right to 
 it This being admitted, the veteran Oothout, 
 at a concerted signal, stepped forth in the 
 assembly with the identical tarpauling spy- 
 glass in his hand with which he had discovered 
 the mouth of the Connecticut, while the worthy
 
 Dutch commissioners lolled back in their chairs, 
 secretly chuckling at the idea of having for 
 once got the weather-gage of the Yankees ; but 
 what was their dismay when the latter pro- 
 duced a Nantucket whaler with a spy-glass 
 twice as long, with which he discovered the 
 whole coast, quite down to the Manhattoes, and 
 so crooked that he had spied with it up the 
 whole course of the Connecticut River. This 
 principle pushed home, therefore, the Yankees 
 had a right to the whole country bordering on 
 the Sound ; nay, the city of New Amsterdam 
 was a mere Dutch squatting-place on their ter- 
 ritories. 
 
 I forbear to dwell upon the confusion of the 
 worthy Dutch commissioners at finding their 
 main pillar of proof thus knocked from under 
 them; neither will I pretend to describe the 
 consternation of the wise men at the Manhat- 
 toes when they learned how their commissioners 
 had been out-trumped by the Yankees, and 
 how the latter pretended to claim to the very 
 gates of New Amsterdam. 
 
 Long was the negotiation protracted, and long 
 was the public mind kept in a state of anxiety. 
 There are two modes of settling boundary ques- 
 tions when the claims of the opposite are irrec- 
 oncilable. One is by an appeal to arms, in 
 which case the weakest party is apt to lose its
 
 72 1b(0torg ot 1FICW l^orf; 
 
 right, and get a broken head in the bargain ; 
 the other mode is by compromise, or mutual 
 concession, — that is to say, one party cedes half 
 of its claims, and the other party half of its 
 rights ; he who grasps most gets most, and the 
 whole is pronounced an equitable division, 
 ** perfectly honorable to both parties." 
 
 The latter mode was adopted in the present 
 instance. The Yankees gave up claims to vast 
 tracts of the Nieuw Nederlandts, which they 
 had never seen, and all right to the land of 
 Mannahata and the city of New Amsterdam, to 
 which they had no right at all; while the 
 Dutch, in return, agreed that the Yankees 
 should retain possession of the frontier places 
 where they had squatted, and of both sides of 
 the Connecticut River. 
 
 When the news of this treaty arrived at New 
 Amsterdam the whole city was in an uproar of 
 exultation. The old women rejoiced that there 
 was to be no war ; the old men that their cab- 
 bage-gardens were safe from invasion ; while 
 the political sages pronounced the treaty a 
 great triumph over the Yankees, considering 
 how much they had claimed, and how little 
 they had been " fobbed off with." 
 
 And now my worthy reader is, doubtless, like 
 the great and good Peter, congratulating him- 
 self with the idea that his feelings will no
 
 tTrcatg ot peace 73 
 
 longer be harassed by afflicting details of stolen 
 horses, broken heads, impounded hogs, and all 
 the other catalogue of heart-rending cruelties 
 that disgraced these border wars. But if he 
 should indulge in such expectations, it is a 
 proof that he is but little versed in the para- 
 doxical ways of cabinets, to convince him of 
 which I solicit his serious attention to my next 
 chapter, wherein I will show that Peter Stuyve- 
 sant has already committed a great error in 
 poHtics, and by effecting a peace has materially 
 hazarded the tranquillity of the province.
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 CONTAINING DIVERS SPECUI^ATIONS ON WAR 
 AND NEGOTIATIONS — SHOWING THAT A 
 TREATY OP PEACE IS A GREAT NATIONAI, 
 EVII,. 
 
 IT was the opinion of that poetical philoso- 
 pher, Lucretius, that war was the original 
 state of man, whom he described as being prim- 
 itively a savage beast of prey, engaged in a con- 
 stant state of hostility with his own species, 
 and that this ferocious spirit was tamed and 
 ameliorated by society. The same opinion has 
 been advocated by Hobbes * ; nor have there 
 been wanting many other philosophers to ad- 
 mit and defend. 
 
 For my part, though prodigiously fond of 
 these valuable speculations, so complimentary 
 to human nature, yet in this instance I am in- 
 clined to take the proposition by halves, believ- 
 * Hobbes' "I^eviathan," part i., ch. 13.
 
 ^be Brt of 'tClar 75 
 
 ing with Horace,* that though war may have 
 been originally the favorite amusement and in- 
 dustrious employment of our progenitors, yet, 
 like many other excellent habits, so far from 
 being ameliorated, it has been cultivated and 
 confirmed by refinement and civilization, and 
 increases in exact proportion as we approach 
 towards that state of perfection which is the 
 ne plus ultra of modem philosophy. 
 
 The first conflict between man and man was 
 the mere exertion of physical force, unaided by 
 auxiliary weapons; his arm was his buckler, 
 his fist was his mace, and a broken head the 
 catastrophe of his encounters. The battle of 
 unassisted strength was succeeded by the more 
 rugged one of stones and clubs, and war as- 
 sumed a sanguinary aspect. As man advanced 
 in refinement, as his faculties expanded, and as 
 his sensibilities became more exquisite, he grew 
 rapidly more ingenious and experienced in the 
 art of murdering his fellow-beings. He invented 
 a thousand devices to defend and to assault : 
 the helmet, the cuirass, and the buckler, the 
 sword, the dart, and the javelin, prepared him 
 to elude the wound as well as to launch the 
 
 ♦Quum prorepserunt primis animalia terris, 
 Mutuum ac turpe pecus, glandematquecubilia propter, 
 Ungiiibus et pugnis, dein fustibus, atque ita porro 
 Pugnabant armis, quae post fabricaverat usus. 
 
 HOR. Sat., ly. i., S. 3.
 
 76 Ibistorg of mew lorFi 
 
 blow. Still urging on, in the career of pliil- 
 antliropic invention, he enlarges and heightens 
 his powers of defence and injury : — The Aries, 
 the Scorpio, the Balista, and the Catapulta, give 
 a horror and sublimity to war, and magnify its 
 glory, by increasing its desolation. Still insati- 
 able, though armed with machinery that seemed 
 to reach the limits of destructive invention, and 
 to yield a power of injury commensurate even 
 with the desires of revenge, — still deeper re- 
 searches must be made in the diabolical arcana. 
 With furious zeal he dives into the bowels of 
 the earth ; he toils midst poisonous minerals and 
 deadly salts, — the sublime discovery of gun- 
 powder blazes upon the world, — and finally the 
 dreadful art of fighting by proclamation seems 
 to endow the demon of war with ubiquity and 
 omnipotence ! 
 
 This, indeed, is grand ! — this, indeed, marks 
 the powers of mind, and bespeaks that divine 
 endowment of reason, which distinguishes us 
 from the animals, our inferiors. The unenlight- 
 ened brutes content themselves with the native 
 force which Providence has assigned them. The 
 angry bull butts with his horns, as did his pro- 
 genitors before him ; the lion, the leopard, and 
 the tiger seek only with their talons and their 
 fangs to gratify their sanguinary fury ; and even 
 the subtle serpent darts the same venom, and
 
 treaties ot ipeace 77 
 
 uses the same wiles, as did his sire before the 
 flood. Man alone, blessed with the inventive 
 mind, goes on from discovery to discovery,— 
 enlarges and multiplies his powers of destruc- 
 tion, — arrogates the tremendous w^eapons of 
 Diety itself, and tasks creation to assist him in 
 murdering his brother-worm ! 
 
 In proportion as the art of war has increased 
 in improvement has the art of preserving peace 
 advanced in equal ratio ; and as we have discov- 
 ered, in this age of wonders and inventions, that 
 proclamation is the most formidable engine in 
 war, so have we discovered the no less ingenious 
 mode of maintaining peace by perpetual ne- 
 gotiations. 
 
 A treaty, or, to speak more correctly, a nego- 
 tiation, therefore, according to the acceptation 
 of experienced statesmen learned in these 
 matters, is no longer an attempt to accommo- 
 date differences, to ascertain rights, and to estab- 
 lish an equitable exchange of kind offices, but 
 a contest of skill between two powers, which 
 shall overreach and take in the other. It is a 
 cunning endeavor to obtain by peaceful ma- 
 noeuvre, and the chicanery of cabinets, those ad- 
 vantages which a nation would otherwise have 
 wrested by force of arms, — in the same manner 
 as a conscientious highwayman reforms and be- 
 comes a quiet and praiseworthy citizen, content-
 
 78 1bi0tors ot Uaew l^ocft 
 
 ing himself with cheating his neighbor out of 
 that property he would formerly have seized 
 with open violence. 
 
 In fact, the only time when two nations can 
 be said to be in a state of perfect amity is, when 
 a negotiation is open, and a treaty pending. 
 Then, when there are no stipulations entered 
 into, no bonds to restrain the will, ro specific 
 limits to awaken the captious jealousy of right 
 implanted in our nature, when each party has 
 some advantage to hope and expect from the 
 other, then it is that the two nations are won- 
 derfully gracious and friendly, — their ministers 
 professing the highest mutual regard, exchan- 
 ging billets-doux, making fine speeches, and in- 
 dulging in all those little diplomatic flirtations, 
 coquetries, and fondlings, that do so marvellous- 
 ly tickle the good-humor of the respective na- 
 tions. Thus it may paradoxically be said, that 
 there is never so good an understanding between 
 two nations as when there is a little misunder- 
 standing, — and that so long as they are on no 
 terms at all, they are on the best terms in the 
 world ! 
 
 I do not by any means pretend to claim the 
 merit of having made the above discovery. It 
 has, in fact, long been secretly acted upon by 
 certain enlightened cabinets, and is, together 
 with divers other notable theories, privately
 
 ^be art ot ©bstructlng 79 
 
 copied out of the commonplace book of an il- 
 lustrious gentleman, who has been member of 
 Congress, and enjoyed the unlimited confidence 
 of heads of departments. To this principle may 
 be ascribed the wonderful ingenuity shown of 
 late years in protracting and interrupting nego- 
 tiations. Hence the cunning measiu-e of ap- 
 pointing as ambassador some political pettifogger 
 skilled in delays, sophisms, and misapprehen- 
 sions, and dexterous in the art of baffling argu- 
 ment, — or some blundering statesman, whose 
 errors and misconstructions may be a plea for 
 refusing to ratify his engagements. And hence, 
 too, that most notable expedient so popular with 
 our government, of sending out a brace of am- 
 bassadors, — ^between whom, having each an in- 
 dividual will to consult, character to establish, 
 and interest to promote, you may as well look 
 for unanimity and concord as between two lovers 
 with one mistress, two dogs with one bone, or 
 two naked rogues with one pair of breeches. 
 This disagreement, therefore, is continually 
 breeding delays and impediments, in conse- 
 quence of which the negotiation goes on .swim- 
 mingly — inasmuch as there is no prospect of its 
 ever coming to a close. Nothing is lost by these 
 delays and obstacles but time ; and in a nego- 
 tiation, according to the theory I have exposed, 
 all time lost is in reality so much time gained :
 
 8o l)i6tors of "Wcw l?orft 
 
 — with what delightful paradoxes does modem 
 political economy abound ! 
 
 Now all that I have here advanced is so noto- 
 riously true, that I almost blush to take up the 
 time of my readers with treating of matters 
 which must many a time have stared them in 
 the face. But the proposition to which I would 
 most earnestly call their attention is this, that, 
 though a negotiation be the most harmonizing 
 of all national transactions, yet a treaty of peace 
 is a great political evil, and one of the most 
 fruitful sources of war. 
 
 I have rarely seen an instance of any special 
 contract between individuals that did not pro- 
 duce jealousies, bickerings, and often down- 
 right ruptures between them ; nor did I ever 
 know of a treaty between two nations that did 
 not occasion continual misunderstandings. How 
 many worthy country neighbors have I known, 
 who, after living in peace and good-fellowship 
 for years, have been thrown into a state of dis- 
 trust, cavilling, and animosity, by some ill- 
 starred agreement about fences, runs of water, 
 and stray cattle ! And how many well-meaning 
 nations, who would otherwise have remained 
 in the most amiable disposition towards each 
 other, have been brought to swords' points 
 about the infringement or misconstruction of 
 some treaty, which in an evil hour they had
 
 Ifrom peace to "Mav si 
 
 concluded, by way of making their amity more 
 sure! 
 
 Treaties at best are but complied with so long 
 as interest requires their fulfilment ; conse- 
 quently they are virtually binding on the weak- 
 er party only, or, in plain truth, they are not 
 binding at all. No nation will wantonly go to 
 war with another if it has nothing to gain there- 
 by, and therefore needs no treaty to restrain it 
 from violence ; and if it have any thing to gain, 
 I much question, from what I have witnessed of 
 the righteous conduct of nations, whether any 
 treaty could be made so strong that it could 
 not thrust the sword through, — nay, I would 
 hold ten to one, the treaty itself would be the 
 very source to which resort would be had to 
 find a pretext for hostilities. 
 
 Thus, therefore, I conclude, — that, though it 
 is the best of all policies for a nation to keep up 
 a constant negotiation with its neighbors, yet it 
 is the summit of folly for it ever to be beguiled 
 into a treaty ; for then comes on non-fiiliilment 
 and infraction, then remonstrance, then alter- 
 cation, then retaliation, then recrimination, and 
 finally open war. In a word, negotiation is 
 like courtship, a time of sweet words, gallant 
 speeches, soft looks, and endearing caresses, — 
 but the marriage ceremony is the signal for 
 hostilities.
 
 82 fbietot^ of Bew ^otk 
 
 If my painstaking reader be not somewliat 
 perplexed by the ratiocination of the foregoing 
 passage, he will perceive, at a glance, that the 
 Great Peter, in concluding a treaty with his 
 eastern neighbors, was guilty of lamentable 
 error in policy. In fact, to this unlucky agree- 
 ment may be traced a world of bickerings and 
 heart-burnings between the parties, about fan- 
 cied or pretended infringements of treaty stipu- 
 lations ; in all which the Yankees were prone 
 to indemnify themselves by a "dig into the 
 sides ' ' of the New Netherlands. But, in sooth, 
 these border feuds, albeit they gave great an- 
 noyance to the good burghers of Manna-hata, 
 were so pitiful in their nature, that a grave his- 
 torian like myself, who grudges the time spent 
 in any thing less than the revolutions of states 
 and fall of empires, would deem them unworthy 
 of being inscribed on his page. The reader is, 
 therefore, to take it for granted, though I scorn 
 to waste, in the detail, that time which my fur- 
 rowed brow and trembling hand inform me is 
 invaluable, that all the while the Great Peter 
 was occupied in those tremendous and bloody 
 contests which I shall shortly rehearse, there 
 was a continued series of little, dirty, snivelling 
 scourings, broils, and maraudings, kept up on 
 the eastern frontiers by the moss-troopers of 
 Connecticut. But, like that mirror of chivalry,
 
 •ffmpenOing E)i6a0ter6 83 
 
 the sage and valorous Don Quixote, I leave 
 these petty contests for some future Sancho 
 Panza of an historian, while I reserve my prow- 
 ess and pen for achievements of higher dignity ; 
 for at this moment I hear a direful and porten- 
 tous note issuing from the bosom of the great 
 council of the league, and resounding through- 
 out the regions of the east, menacing the fame 
 and fortunes of Peter Stuyvesant. I call, there- 
 fore, upon the reader to leave behind him all 
 the paltry brawls of the Connecticut borders, 
 and to press forward with me to the relief of 
 our favorite hero, who, I foresee, will be wofully 
 beset by the implacable Yankees in the next 
 chapter.
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 how peter stuyvesant was grievously 
 belied by the great council oe the 
 league; and how he sent antony the 
 trumpeter to take to the council a 
 piece of his mind. 
 
 THAT the reader may be aware of the peril 
 at this moment menacing Peter Stuyvesant 
 and his capital, I must remind him of the old 
 charge advanced in the council of the league in 
 the time of William the Testy, that the Neder- 
 landers were carrying on a trade "damnable 
 and injurious to the colonists," in furnishing 
 the savages with "guns, powther, and shott." 
 This, as I then suggested, was a crafty device 
 of the Yankee confederacy to have a snug cause 
 of war in pettOy in case any favorable opportu- 
 nity should present of attempting the conquest 
 of the New Nederlands — the great object of 
 Yankee ambition. 
 
 Accordingly we now find, when every other 
 ground of complaint had apparently been re-
 
 21 aBasc Bccusatlon 85 
 
 moved by treaty, this nefarious charge revived 
 with tenfold virulence, and hurled like a thun- 
 derbolt at the very head of Peter Stuyvesant ; 
 happily his head, like that of the great bull of 
 the Wabash, was proof against such missiles. 
 
 To be explicit, we are told that in the year 
 165 1, the great confederacy of the east accused 
 the immaculate Peter, the soul of honor and 
 heart of steel, of secretly endeavoring, by gifts 
 and promises, to instigate the Narroheganset, 
 Mohaque, and Pequot Indians, to surprise and 
 massacre the Yankee settlements. "For," as 
 the grand council observed, " the Indians round 
 about for divers hundred miles cercute seeme to 
 have drunk deepe of an intoxicating cupp, att 
 or from the Manhattoes against the English, 
 whoe have sought their good, both in bodily and 
 spirituall respects. ' ' 
 
 This charge they pretended to support by the 
 evidence of divers Indians, who were probably 
 moved by that spirit of truth which is said to 
 reside in the bottle, and who swore to the fact 
 as sturdily as though they had been so many 
 Christian troopers. 
 
 Though descended from a family which suf- 
 fered much injury from the losel Yankees of 
 those times, my great-grandfather having had 
 a yoke of oxen and his best pacer stolen, and 
 having received a pair of black eyes and a
 
 86 Distorg of mew l^orft 
 
 "bloody nose in one of these border wars, and 
 my grandfather, when a very little boy tending 
 pigs, having been kidnapped and severely 
 flogged by a long-sided Connecticut school- 
 master, — yet I should have passed over all these 
 wrongs with forgiveness and oblivion, — I could 
 even have suffered them to have broken Evert 
 Ducking's head ; to have kicked the doughty 
 Jacobus Van Curlet and his ragged regiment 
 out-of-doors ; to have carried every hog into 
 captivity, and depopulated every hen-roost on 
 the face of the earth with perfect impunity, — 
 but this wanton attack upon one of the most 
 gallant and irreproachable heroes of modem 
 times, is too much even forme to digest, and has 
 overset, with a single puff, the patience of the 
 historian, and the forbearance of the Dutchman. 
 O, reader, it was false ! I swear to thee, it 
 was false ! — if thou hast any respect to my word, 
 — if the undeviating character for veracity, 
 which I have endeavored to maintain throughout 
 this work, has its due weight upon thee, thou 
 wilt not give thy faith to this tale of slander ; 
 for I pledge my honor and my immortal fame 
 to thee, that the gallant Peter Stuyvesant was 
 not only innocent of this foul conspiracy, but 
 would have suffered his right arm or even his 
 wooden leg to consume with slow and everlast- 
 ing flames, rather than attempt to destroy his
 
 % Ibcco ot Cblvalcg 87 
 
 enemies in any other way than open, generous 
 warfare ; — beshrew those caitiff scouts, that con- 
 spired to sully his honest name by such au 
 imputation ! 
 
 Peter Stuy vesant, though haply he may never 
 have heard of a knight-errant, had as true a 
 heart of chivalry as ever beat at the rovmd table 
 of King Arthur. In the honest bosom of this 
 heroic Dutchman dwelt the seven noble virtues 
 of knighthood, flourishing among his hardy 
 qualities like wild flowers among rocks. He 
 ■was, in truth, a hero of chivalry struck off by 
 nature at a single heat, and though httle care 
 may have been taken to refine her workmanship, 
 he stood forth a miracle of her skill. In all his 
 dealings he was headstrong perhaps, but open 
 and above-board ; if there was any thing in the 
 whole world he most loathed and despised, it 
 was cunning and secret wile; ** straight for- 
 ward" was his motto; and he would at any 
 time rather run his hard head against a stone 
 wall than attempt to get round it. 
 
 Such was Peter Stuy vesant ; and if my admira- 
 tion of him has on this occasion transported my 
 style beyond the sober gravity which becomes 
 the philosophic recorder of historic events, I 
 must plead as an apology, that, though a Uttle 
 gray-headed Dutchman, arrived almost at the 
 down-hill of life, I still retain a lingering spark
 
 «8 l)l6tors of "Hew l^orft 
 
 of that fire which kindles in the eye of youth 
 when contemplating the virtues of ancient 
 worthies. Blessed, thrice and nine times 
 blessed be the good St. Nicholas, if I have 
 indeed escaped that apathy which chills the 
 sympathies of age and paralyzes every glow of 
 enthusiasm ! 
 
 The first measure of Peter Stuyvesant, on 
 hearing of this slanderous charge, would have 
 been worthy of a man who had studied for 
 years in the chivalrous library of Don Quixote. 
 Drawing his sword and laying it across the 
 table, to put him in proper tune, he took pen in 
 hand and indited a proud and lofty letter to the 
 council of the league, reproaching them with 
 giving ear to the slanders of heathen savages 
 against a Christian, a soldier, and a cavalier; 
 declaring that whoever charged him with the 
 plot in question lied in his throat ; to prove 
 which he offered to meet the president of the 
 council or any of his compeers, or their cham- 
 pion, Captain Alicxsander Partridg, that mighty 
 man of Rhodes, in single combat, wherein he 
 trusted to vindicate his honor by the prowess 
 of his arm. 
 
 This missive was intrusted to his trumpeter 
 and squire, Antony Van Corlear, that man of 
 emergencies, with orders to travel night and 
 day, sparing neither whip nor spur, seeing that
 
 Bntons'0 /Biesion 89 
 
 he carried the vindication of his patron's fame 
 in his saddle-bags. 
 
 The loyal Antony accomplished his mission 
 with great speed and considerable loss of 
 leather. He delivered his missive with becom- 
 ing ceremony, accompanying it with a flourish 
 of defiance on his trumpet to the whole council, 
 ending with a significant and nasal twang full 
 in the face of Captain Partridg, who nearly 
 jumped out of his skin in an ecstasy of astonish- 
 ment. 
 
 The grand council was composed of men too 
 cool and practical to be put readily in a heat, or 
 to indulge in knight-errantry, and above all to 
 run a tilt with such a fiery hero as Peter the 
 Headstrong. They knew the advantage, how- 
 ever, to have always a snug, justifiable cause 
 of war in reserve with a neighbor who had 
 territories worth invading ; so they devised a 
 reply to Peter Stuyvesant, calculated to keep 
 up the "raw" which they had established. 
 
 On receiving this answer, Antony Van Corlear 
 remounted the Flanders mare which he always 
 rode, and trotted merrily back to the Manhat- 
 toes, solacing himself by the way according to 
 his wont; twanging his trimipet like a very 
 devil, so that the sweet valleys and banks of 
 the Connecticut resoimded with the warlike 
 melody ; bringing all the folks to the windows
 
 as he passed through Hartford and Pyquag, and 
 Middletown, and all the other border towns ; 
 ogling and winking at the women, and making 
 aerial windmills from the ends of his nose at 
 their husbands ; and stopping occasionally in 
 the villages to eat pumpkin-pies, dance at 
 country frolics, and bundle with the Yankee 
 lasses — whom he rejoiced exceedingly with his 
 soul-stirring instrument
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 HOW PETER STUYVESANT DEMANDED A COURT 
 OF HONOR— AND WHAT THE COURT OF HONOR 
 AWARDED TO HIM. 
 
 THE reply of the grand council to Peter 
 Stuyvesant was couched in the coolest and 
 most diplomatic language. They assured him 
 that " his confident denials of the barbarous plot 
 alleged against him would weigh little against 
 the testimony of divers sober and respectable 
 Indians" ; that "his guilt was proved to their 
 perfect satisfaction," so that they must still re- 
 quire and seek due satisfaction and security; 
 ending with — "so we rest, sir — Yours in ways 
 of righteousness." 
 
 I forbear to say how the lion-hearted Peter 
 roared and ramped at finding himself more and 
 more entangled in the meshes thus artfully 
 drawn round him by the knowing Yankees. 
 Impatient, however, of suffering so gross an
 
 92 1bi0tori2 of IHew ll)orft 
 
 aspersion to rest upon his honest name, he sent 
 a second messenger to the council, reiterating 
 his denial of the treachery imputed to him, and 
 offering to submit his conduct to the scrutiny 
 of a court of honor. His offer was readily ac- 
 cepted ; and now he looked forward with confi- 
 dence to an august tribunal to be assembled at 
 the Manhattoes, formed of high-minded cava- 
 liers, peradventure governors and commanders 
 of the confederate plantations, when the mat- 
 ter might be investigated by his peers, in a man- 
 ner befitting his rank and dignity. 
 
 While he was awaiting the arrival of such 
 high functionaries, behold, one sunshiny after- 
 noon there rode into the great gate of the Man- 
 hattoes two lean, hungry-looking Yankees, 
 mounted on Narraganset pacers, with saddle- 
 bags under their bottoms, and green satchels 
 under their arms, who looked marvellously like 
 two pettifogging attorneys beating the hoof from 
 one county court to another in quest of lawsuits ; 
 and, in sooth, though they may have passed 
 under different names at the time, I have reason 
 to suspect they were the identical varlets who 
 had negotiatedthe worthy Dutch commissioners 
 out of the Connecticut River. 
 
 It was a rule with these indefatigable mission- 
 aries never to let the grass grow under their 
 feet. Scarce had they, therefore, alighted at
 
 Xlbc Court of Ibonor 93 
 
 the inn and deposited their saddle-bags, than 
 they made their way to the residence of the 
 governor. They found him, according to custom, 
 smoking his afternoon pipe on the "stoop," or 
 bench at the porch of his house, and announced 
 themselves, at once, as commissioners sent 
 by the grand council of the east to investigate 
 the tinith of certain charges advanced against 
 him. 
 
 The good Peter took his pipe from his mouth, 
 and gazed at them for a moment in mute aston- 
 ishment. By way of expediting business, they 
 were proceeding on the spot to put some pre- 
 liminary' questions, — asking him, peradventure, 
 whether he pleaded guilty or not guilty, con- 
 sidering him something in the light of a culprit 
 at the bar, — when they were brought to a pause 
 by seeing him lay down his pipe and begin to 
 fumble with his walking-staff. For a moment 
 those present would not have given half a crown 
 for both the crowns of the commissioners ; but 
 Peter Stuyvesant repressed his mighty wrath 
 and stayed his hand ; he scanned the varlets 
 from head to foot, satchels and all, with a look 
 of ineffable scorn ; then strode into the house, 
 slammed the door after him, and commanded 
 that they should never again be admitted to his 
 presence. 
 
 The knowing commissioners winked to each
 
 94 *ft)istor^ of IRew 15ork 
 
 other, and made a certificate on the spot that 
 the governor had refused to answer their inter- 
 rogatories or to submit to their examination. 
 They then proceeded to rummage about the city 
 for two or three days, in quest of what they 
 called evidence, perplexing Indians and old 
 women with their cross-questioning, until they 
 had stufifed their satchels and saddle-bags with 
 all kinds of apocryphal tales, rumors, and cal- 
 iminies ; with these they mounted their Narra- 
 ganset pacers and travelled back to the grand 
 council ; neither did the proud-hearted Peter 
 trouble himself to hinder their researches nor 
 impede their departure ; he was too mindful of 
 their sacred character as envoys ; but I warrant 
 me, had they played the same tricks with Wil- 
 liam the Testy, he would have had them tucked 
 up by the waistband and treated to an aerial 
 gambol on his patent gallows.
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 HOW "drum ECClvESIASTiC " WAS BEATEN 
 THROUGHOUT CONNECTICUT FOR A CRUSADE 
 AGAINST THE NEW NETHERIvANDS, AND HOW 
 PETER STUYVESANT TOOK MEASURES TO 
 FORTIFY HIS CAPITAI,. 
 
 THE grand council of the east held a solemn 
 meeting on the return of their envoys. 
 As no advocate appeared in behalf of Peter 
 Stuyvesant, every thing went against him. His 
 haughty refusal to submit to the questioning 
 of the commissioners was construed into a con- 
 sciousness of guilt. The contents of the satch- 
 els and saddle-bags were poured forth before 
 the council and appeared a mountain of evi- 
 dence. A pale, bilious orator took the floor, 
 and declaimed for hours and in belligerent 
 terms. He was one of those furious zealots 
 who blows the bellows of faction until the 
 whole furnace of politics is red-hot with sparks 
 and cinders. \'. hat was it to him if he should
 
 96 1bl0ton? ot flew l^orFi 
 
 set the house on fire, so that he might boil his 
 pot by the blaze. He was from the borders of 
 Connecticut ; his constituents lived by maraud- 
 ing their Dutch neighbors, and were the great- 
 est poachers in Christendom, excepting the 
 Scotch border nobles. His eloquence had its 
 effect, and it -was determined to set on foot an 
 expedition against the Nieuw Nederlandts. 
 
 It was necessary, however, to prepare the 
 public mind for this measure. Accordingly the 
 arguments of the orator were echoed from the 
 pulpit for several succeeding Sundays, and a 
 crusade was preached up against Peter Stuy- 
 vesant and his devoted city. 
 
 This is the first we hear of the " drum eccle- 
 siastic" beating up for recruits in worldly war- 
 fare in our country. It has since been called 
 into frequent use. A cunning politician often 
 lurks under the clerical robe ; things spiritual 
 and things temporal are strangely jumbled to- 
 gether, like drugs on an apothecary's shelf; 
 and instead of a peaceful sermon, the simple 
 seeker after righteousness has often a political 
 pamphlet thrust down his throat, labelled with 
 a pious text from Scripture. 
 
 And now nothing was talked of but an expe- 
 dition against the Mauhattoes. It pleased the 
 populace, who had a vehement prejudice against 
 the Dutch, considering them a vastly inferior
 
 Ebe JBicvcntb CommanC)ment 97 
 
 race, who had sought the new world for the 
 lucre of gain, not the liberty of conscience ; 
 who were heretics and infidels, inasmuch as 
 they refused to believe in witches and sea- 
 serpents, and had faith in the virtues of horse- 
 shoes nailed to the door ; ate pork without 
 molasses ; held pumpkins in contempt ; and 
 were in perpetual breach of the eleventh com- 
 mandment of all true Yankees, "Thou shalt 
 have codfish dinners on Saturdays." 
 
 No sooner did Peter Stuyvesant get wind of 
 the storm that was brewing in the east than he 
 set to work to prepare for it. He was not one 
 of those economical rulers, who postpone the 
 expense of fortifying until the enemy is at the 
 door. There is nothing, he would say, that 
 keeps off enemies and crows more than the 
 smell of gunpowder. He proceeded, therefore, 
 with all diligence, to put the province and its 
 metropolis in a posture of defence. 
 
 Among the remnants which remained from 
 the days of William the Testy were the militia 
 laws, — by which the inhabitants were obliged 
 to turn out twice a year, with such military 
 equipments as it pleased God, and were put 
 under the command of tailors and man-milli- 
 ners, who, though on ordinary occasions they 
 might have been the meekest, most pippin- 
 hearted little men in the world, were very
 
 98 Distort of Uaew l^orft 
 
 devils at parade, when they had cocked hats 
 on their heads and swords by their sides. Un- 
 der the instructions of these periodical warriors, 
 the peaceful burghers of the Manhattoes were 
 schooled in iron war, and became so hardy in 
 the process of time, that they could march 
 through sun and rain, from one end of the town 
 to the other, without flinching ; and so intrepid 
 and adroit, that they could face to the right, 
 wheel to the left, and fire without winking or 
 blinking. 
 
 Peter Stujrvesant, like all old soldiers who 
 have seen service and smelt gunpowder, had no 
 great respect for militia troops ; however, he 
 determined to give them a trial, and accord- 
 ingly called for a general muster, inspection, 
 and review. But, O Mars and Bellona ! what 
 a turning-out was here ! Here came old Roelant 
 Cuckaburt, with a short blunderbuss on his 
 shoulder and a long horseman's sword trailing 
 by his side ; and Barent Dirkson, with some- 
 thing that looked like a copper kettle turned 
 upside down on his head, and a couple of old 
 horse-pistols in his belt ; and Dirk Volkertson, 
 with a long duck fowling-piece without any 
 ramrod; and a host more, armed higgledy- 
 piggledy, — with swords, hatchets, snickersnees, 
 crowbars, broomsticks, and what not ; the o£B- 
 cers distinguished from the rest by having their
 
 /Rilitia :ejerci0e 99 
 
 slouched hats cocked up with pins, and sur- 
 mounted with cocktail feathers. 
 
 The sturdy Peter eyed this nondescript host 
 with some such rueful aspect as a man would 
 eye the Devil, and determined to give his 
 feather-bed soldiers a seasoning. He accord- 
 ingly put them through their manual exercise 
 over and over again ; trudged them backwards 
 and forwards about the streets of New Amster- 
 dam imtil their short legs ached and their fat 
 sides sweated again ; and finally encamped 
 them in the evening on the summit of a hill 
 without the city, to give them a taste of camp 
 life, intending the next day to renew the toils 
 and perils of the field. But so it came to pass 
 that in the night there fell a great and heavy 
 rain, and melted away the army, so that in the 
 morning, when Gaffer Phoebus shed his first 
 beams upon the camp, scarce a warrior re- 
 mained except Peter Stuyvesant and his trump- 
 eter Van Corlear. 
 
 This awful desolation of a whole army would 
 have appalled a commander of less nerve, but 
 it served to confirm Peter's want of confidence 
 in the militia system, which he thenceforward 
 used to call, in joke — for he sometimes in- 
 dulged in a joke, — William the Testy's broken 
 reed. He now took into his service a goodly 
 number of burly, broad-shouldered, broad-bot-
 
 loo Di6tori3 ot mew l!)orft 
 
 tomed Dutchmen, whom he paid in good silver 
 and gold, and of whom he boasted, that, 
 whether they could stand fire or not, they were 
 at least waterproof. 
 
 He fortified the city, too, with pickets and 
 palisadoes, extending across the island from 
 river to river, and, above all, cast up mud bat- 
 teries, or redoubts, on the point of the island 
 where it divided the beautiful bosom of the 
 bay. 
 
 These latter redoubts, in process of time, 
 came to be pleasantly overrun by a carpet of 
 grass and clover, and overshadowed by wide- 
 spreading elms and sycamores, among the 
 branches of which the birds would build their 
 nests and rejoice the ear with their melodious 
 notes. Under these trees, too, the old burghers 
 would smoke their afternoon pipe, contemplat- 
 ing the golden sun as he sank in the west, an 
 emblem of the tranquil end toward which they 
 were declining. Here, too, would the young 
 men and maidens of the town take their even- 
 ing stroll, watching the silver moonbeams as 
 they trembled along the calm bosom of the bay, 
 or lit up the sail of some gliding bark, and per- 
 adventure interchanging the soft vows of hon- 
 est affection, — for to evening strolls in this 
 favored spot were traced most of the marriages 
 in New Amsterdam.
 
 Zbc ^Batters loi 
 
 Such was the origin of that renowned prome- 
 nade, The Battery, which, though ostensibly- 
 devoted to the stem purposes of war, has ever 
 been consecrated to the sweet delights of peace. 
 The scene of many a gambol in happy child- 
 hood, — of many a tender assignation in riper 
 years, — of many a soothing walk in declining 
 age, — the healthful resort of the feeble invalid, 
 — the Sunday refreshment of the dusty trades- 
 man, — in fine, the ornament and delight of 
 New York, and the pride of the lovely island 
 of Manna-hata.
 
 CHAPTER Vin. 
 
 HOW THE YANKEE CRUSADE AGAINST THE 
 NEW NETHERI^ANDS WAS BAFFI^ED BY THE 
 SUDDEN OUTBREAK OE WITCHCRAFT AMONG 
 THE PEOPLE OF THE EAST. 
 
 HAVING thus provided for the temporary 
 security of New Amsterdam, and guarded 
 it against any sudden surprise, the gallant Peter 
 took a hearty pinch of snufF, and snapping his 
 fingers, set the great council of Amphictyons 
 and their champion, the redoubtable Alicxsan- 
 der Partridg, at defiance. In the meantime the 
 moss-troopers of Connecticut, the warriors of 
 New Haven and Hartford, and Pyquag, other- 
 wise called Weathersfield, famous for its onions 
 and its witches, and of all the other border- 
 towns, were in a prodigious turmoil, furbishing 
 up their rusty weapons, shouting aloud for war, 
 and anticipating easy conquests, and glorious 
 rummaging of the fat little Dutch villages.
 
 Detection ot /Bbaseacbusetts 103 
 
 In the midst of these warlike preparations, 
 however, they received the chilling news that 
 the colony of Massachusetts refused to back 
 them in this righteous war. It seems that the 
 gallant conduct of Peter Stuyvesant, the gener- 
 ous warmth of his \nndication, and the chival- 
 rous spirit of his defiance, though lost upon the 
 grand council of the league, had carried convic- 
 tion to the general court of Massachusetts, which 
 nobly refused to believe him guilty of the vil- 
 lainous plot laid at his door.* 
 
 The defection of so important a colony para- 
 lyzed the councils of the league ; some such dis- 
 sension rose among its members as prevailed 
 of yore in the camp of the brawling warriors of 
 Greece, and in the end the crusade against the 
 Manhattoes was abandoned. 
 
 It is said that the moss-troopers of Connecti- 
 cut were sorely disappointed ; but well for them 
 that their belligerent cravings were not gratified ; 
 for by my faith, whatever might have been the 
 ultimate result of a conflict with all the powers 
 of the east, in the interim the stomachful he- 
 roes of Pyquag would have been choked with 
 their own onions, and all the border towns of 
 Connecticut would have had such a scouring 
 from the lion-hearted Peter and his robustious 
 myrmidons, that I warrant me they would not 
 
 * Hazard's Satate Papers.
 
 io6 Ibistor^ of IRew l^ork 
 
 apparitions, if you will believe report, of a shal- 
 lop at sea manned with women, — and of a ship 
 and great red horse standing by the main-mast ; 
 the ship being in a small cove to the eastward, 
 vanished of a sudden," etc. 
 
 The number of delinquents, however, and 
 their magical devices, were not more remark- 
 able than their diabolical obstinacy. Though 
 exhorted in the most solemn, persuasive, and 
 affectionate manner to confess themselves guilty, 
 and be burnt for the good of religion and the 
 entertainment of the public, yet did they most 
 pertinaciously persist in asserting their inno- 
 cence. Such incredible obstinacy was in itself 
 deserving of immediate punishment, and was 
 sufficient proof, if proof were necessary, that 
 they were in league with the Devil, who is per- 
 verseness itself. But their judges were just and 
 merciful, and were determined to punish none 
 that were not convicted on the best of testimony ; 
 not that they needed any evidence to satisfy 
 their own minds, for, like true and experienced 
 judges, their minds were perfectly made up, and 
 they were thoroughly satisfied of the guilt of the 
 prisoners before they proceeded to try them ; 
 but still something was necessary to convince 
 the community at large, — to quiet those prying 
 quidnuncs who should come after them, — in 
 short, the world must be satisfied. Oh, the
 
 Ux^ing tbe "QClitcbcs 107 
 
 world — the world ! — all the world knows the 
 world of trouble the world is eternally occasion- 
 ing ! The worthy judges, therefore, were driven 
 to the necessity of sifting, detecting, and mak- 
 ing evident as noonday, matters which were at 
 the commencement all clearly understood and 
 firmly decided upon in their own pericraniums, 
 — so that it may truly be said that the witches 
 were burnt to gratify the populace of the day, 
 but were tried for the satisfaction of the whole 
 world that should come after them ! 
 
 Finding, therefore, that neither exhortation, 
 sound reason, nor friendly entreaty had any 
 avail on these hardened offenders, they resorted 
 to the more urgent arguments of torture ; and 
 having thus absolutely wrung the truth from 
 their stubborn lips, they condemned them to 
 undergo the roasting due unto the heinous 
 crimes they had confessed. Some even carried 
 their perverseness so far as to expire under the 
 torture, protesting their innocence to the last ; 
 but these were looked upon as thorougly and 
 absolutely possessed by the Devil ; and the pious 
 by-standers only lamented that they had not 
 lived a little longer, to have perished in the 
 flames. 
 
 In the city of Ephesus, we are told that the 
 plague was expelled by stoning a ragged old 
 beggar to death, whom Apollonius pointed out
 
 io8 Ibistorg of "flew ^ovk 
 
 as being the evil spirit that caused it, and who 
 actually showed himself to be a demon, by chan- 
 ging into a shagged dog. In like manner and 
 by measures equally sagacious, a salutary check 
 was given to this growing e^dl. The witches 
 were all burnt, banished, or panic-struck, and 
 in a little while there was not an ugly old wo- 
 man to be found throughout New England, — 
 which is doubtless one reason why all the young 
 women there are so handsome. Those honest 
 folk who had suffered from their incantations 
 gradually recovered, excepting such as had been 
 afflicted with twitches and aches, which, how- 
 ever, assumed the less alarming aspects of rheu- 
 matisms, sciatics, and lumbagos ; and the good 
 people of New England, abandoning the study 
 of the occult sciences, turned their attention to 
 the more profitable hocus-pocus of trade, and 
 soon became expert in the legerdemain art of 
 turning a penny. Still, however, a tinge of the 
 old leaven is discernible, even unto this day, in 
 their characters : witches occasionally start up 
 among them in different disguises, as physicians, 
 civiUans, and divines. The people at large show 
 a keenness, a cleverness, and a profundity of 
 wisdom, that savors strongly of witchcraft ; and 
 it has been remarked that, whenever any stones 
 fall from the moon, the greater part of them is 
 sure to tumble into New England !
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 WHICH RECORDS THE RISE AND RENOWN OF A 
 MII^ITARY COMMANDER, SHOWING THAT A 
 MAN, I.IKE A BLADDER, MAY BE PUFFED UP 
 TO GREATNESS BY MERE WIND ; TOGETHER 
 WITH THE CATASTROPHE OF A VETERAN AND 
 HIS QUEUE. 
 
 WHEN treating of these tempestuous times, 
 the unknown writer of the Stuyvesant 
 manuscript breaks out into an apostrophe in 
 praise of the good St. Nicholas, to whose pro- 
 tecting care he ascribes the dissensions which 
 broke out in the council of the league, and the 
 direful witchcraft which filled all Yankee land 
 as with Egyptian darkness. 
 
 A portentous gloom, says he, hung lowering 
 upon the fair valleys of the East : the pleasant 
 banks of the Connecticut no longer echoed to 
 the sound of rustic gayety ; grisly phantoms 
 glided about each wild brook and silent glen ; 
 fearful apparitions were seen in the air ; strange 
 voices were heard in solitary places ; and the
 
 no Ibietot^ of "flew l^orh 
 
 border towns were so occupied in detecting and 
 punishing losel witches, that, for a time, all 
 thought of war was suspended, and New Am- 
 sterdam and its inhabitants seemed to be totally 
 forgotten. 
 
 I must not conceal the fact that at one time 
 there was some danger of this plague of witch- 
 craft extending into the New Netherlands ; and 
 certain witches, mounted on broomsticks, are 
 said to have been seen whisking in the air over 
 some of the Dutch villages near the borders ; 
 but the worthy Nederlanders took the precau- 
 tion to nail horseshoes to their doors, which, it 
 is well known, are efifectual barriers against all 
 diabolical vermin of the kind. Many of those 
 horseshoes may be seen at this very day on 
 ancient mansions and barns remaining from the 
 days of the patriarchs ; nay, the custom is still 
 kept up among some of our legitimate Dutch 
 yeomanry, who inherit from their forefathers a 
 desire to keep witches and Yankees out of the 
 country. 
 
 And now the great Peter, having no imme- 
 diate hostility to apprehend from the east, 
 turned his face, with characteristic vigilance, to 
 his southern frontiers. The attentive reader 
 will recollect that certain freebooting Swedes 
 had become very troublesome in this quarter in 
 the latter part of the reign of William the Testy,
 
 General Dan poftcnburgb m 
 
 setting at naught the proclamations of that veri- 
 table potentate, and putting his admiral, the 
 intrepid Jan Jansen Alpendam, to a perfect 
 nonplus. To check the incursions of these 
 Swedes, Peter Stuyvesant now ordered a force 
 to that frontier, giving the command of it to 
 General Jacobus Van Poffenburgh, an officer 
 who had risen to great importance during the 
 reign of Wilhelmus Kieft. He had, if histories 
 speak true, been second in command to the 
 doughty Van Curlet, when he and his warriors 
 were inhumanly kicked out of Fort Goed Hoop 
 by the Yankees. In that memorable affair Van 
 Poffenburgh is said to have received more kicks 
 in a certain honorable part than any of his com- 
 rades, in consequence of which, on the resigna- 
 tion of Van Curlet, he had been promoted to his 
 place, being considered a hero who had seen 
 service, and suffered in his country's cause. 
 
 It is pointedly observed by honest old Soc- 
 rates, that heaven infuses into some men at their 
 birth a portion of intellectual gold, into others 
 of intellectual silver, while others are intellect- 
 ually furnished with iron and brass. Of the last 
 class was General Van Poffenburgh ; and it 
 would seem as if Dame Nature, who will some- 
 times be partial, had given him brass enough for 
 a dozen ordinary braziers. All this he had con- 
 trived to pass off upon William the Testy for
 
 112 fjistorg ot Bcw 15ork 
 
 genuine gold ; and the little governor would sit 
 for hours and listen to his gunpowder stories of 
 exploits, which left those of Tirante the White, 
 Don Belianis of Greece, or St. George and the 
 Dragon quite in the background. Having been 
 promoted by William Kieft to the command of 
 his whole disposable forces, he gave importance 
 to his station by the grandiloquence of his bul- 
 letins, always styling himself as Commander-in- 
 Chief of the Armies of the New Nederlands, 
 though in sober truth these armies were nothing 
 more than a handful of hen-stealing, bottle- 
 bruising ragamuffins. 
 
 In person, he was not very tall, but exceed- 
 ingly round ; neither did his bulk proceed from 
 his being fat, but windy, being blown up by a 
 prodigious conviction of his own importance, 
 until he resembled one of those bags of wind 
 given by jS^oIus, in an incredible fit of gener- 
 osity, to that vagabond warrior, Ulysses. His 
 windy endowments had long excited the ad- 
 miration of Antony Van Corlear, who is said to 
 have hinted more than once to William the 
 Testy, that in making Van Poffenburgh a general 
 he had spoiled an admirable trumpeter. 
 
 As it is the practice in ancient story to give 
 the reader a description of the arms and equip- 
 ments of every noted warrior, I will bestow a 
 word upon the dress of this redoubtable com-
 
 Wxcee and ^equipments 113 
 
 mander. It comported with his character, being 
 so crossed and slashed, and embroidered with 
 lace and tinsel, that he seemed to have as much 
 brass without as nature had stored away within. 
 He was swaddled, too, in a crimson sash, of the 
 size and texture of a fishing-net, — doubtless to 
 keep his swelling heart from bursting through 
 his ribs. His face glowed with furnace heat 
 from between a huge pair of well-powdered 
 whiskers, and his valorous soul seemed ready to 
 bounce out of a pair of large, glassy, blinking 
 eyes, projecting like those of a lobster. 
 
 I swear to thee, worthy reader, if history and 
 tradition belie not this warrior, I would give 
 all the money in my pocket to have seen him 
 accoutred cap-a-pie^ — booted to the middle, 
 sashed to the chin, collared to the ears, whiskered 
 to the teeth, crowned with an overshadowing 
 cocked hat, and girded with a leathern belt ten 
 inches broad, from which trailed a falchion, of 
 a length that I dare not mention. Thus equipped, 
 he strutted about, as bitter-looking a man of war 
 as the far-famed More, of More-hall, when he 
 sallied forth to slay the dragon of Wantley. For 
 what says the ballad ? 
 
 " Had you but seen him in this dress, 
 How fierce he looked and how big, 
 You would have thought him for to be 
 Some Egyptian porcupig.
 
 112 l)i6torB ot 1ftcw l^orfi 
 
 genuine gold ; and the little governor would sit 
 for hours and listen to his gunpowder stories of 
 exploits, which left those of Tirante the White, 
 Don Belianis of Greece, or St. George and the 
 Dragon quite in the background. Having been 
 promoted by William Kieft to the command of 
 his whole disposable forces, he gave importance 
 to his station by the grandiloquence of his bul- 
 letins, always styling himself as Commander-in- 
 Chief of the Armies of the New Nederlands, 
 though in sober truth these armies were nothing 
 more than a handful of hen-stealing, bottle- 
 bruising ragamuffins. 
 
 In person, he was not very tall, but exceed- 
 ingly round ; neither did his bulk proceed from 
 his being fat, but windy, being blown up by a 
 prodigious conviction of his own importance, 
 until he resembled one of those bags of wind 
 given by ^olus, in an incredible fit of gener- 
 osity, to that vagabond warrior, Ulysses. His 
 windy endowments had long excited the ad- 
 miration of Antony Van Corlear, who is said to 
 have hinted more than once to William the 
 Testy, that in making Van Poffenburgh a general 
 he had spoiled an admirable trumpeter. 
 
 As it is the practice in ancient story to give 
 the reader a description of the arms and equip- 
 ments of every noted warrior, I will bestow a 
 word upon the dress of this redoubtable com-
 
 Drc60 ant) JEquipmcnts us 
 
 mander. It comported with his character, being 
 so crossed and slashed, and embroidered with 
 lace and tinsel, that he seemed to have as much 
 brass without as nature had stored away within. 
 He was swaddled, too, in a crimson sash, of the 
 size and texture of a fishing-net, — doubtless to 
 keep his swelling heart from bursting through 
 his ribs. His face glowed with furnace heat 
 from between a huge pair of well-powdered 
 whiskers, and his valorous soul seemed ready to 
 bounce out of a pair of large, glassj', blinking 
 eyes, projecting like those of a lobster. 
 
 I swear to thee, worthy reader, if history and 
 tradition belie not this warrior, I would give 
 all the money in my pocket to have seen him 
 accoutred cap-a-pie^ — booted to the middle, 
 sashed to the chin, collared to the ears, whiskered 
 to the teeth, crowned with an overshadowing 
 cocked hat, and girded with a leathern belt ten 
 inches broad, from which trailed a falchion, of 
 a length that I dare not mention. Thus equipped, 
 he strutted about, as bitter-looking a man of war 
 as the far-famed More, of More-hall, when he 
 sallied forth to slay the dragon of Wantley. For 
 what says the ballad ? 
 
 " Had you but seen him in this dress, 
 How fierce he looked and how big, 
 You would have thought him for to be 
 Some Egjrptian porcupig.
 
 114 fbietov^ of IRew l^ork 
 
 He frightened all— cats, dogs, and all, 
 Each cow, each horse, and each hog ; 
 
 For fear they did flee, for they took him to be 
 Some strange outlandish hedgehog." * 
 
 I must confess this general, with all his out- 
 ward valor and ventosity, was not exactly an 
 ofl&cer to Peter Stuyvesant's taste ; but he stood 
 foremost in the army list of William the Testy, 
 and it is probable the good Peter, who was con- 
 scientious in his dealings with all men, and 
 had his military notions of precedence, thought 
 it but fair to give him a chance of proving his 
 right to his dignities. 
 
 To this copper captain, therefore, was con- 
 fided the command of the troops destined to 
 protect the southern frontier, and scarce had he 
 departed for his station than bulletins began to 
 arrive from him, describing his undaunted 
 march through savage deserts, over insurmount- 
 able mountains, across impassable rivers, and 
 through impenetrable forests, conquering vast 
 tracts of uninhabited country, and encounter- 
 ing more perils than did Xenophon in his far- 
 famed retreat with his ten thousand Grecians. 
 
 Peter Stuy vesant read all these grandiloquent 
 despatches with a dubious screwing of the 
 mouth and shaking of the head ; but Antony 
 Van Corlear repeated these contents in the 
 
 * Ballad of " Dragon of Wantley."
 
 IPort Caslmir 115 
 
 streets and market-places with an appropriate 
 flourish upon his trumpet, and the windy vic- 
 tories of the general resounded through the 
 streets of New Amsterdam. 
 
 On arri^^ng at the southern frontier Van Pof- 
 fenburgh proceeded to erect a fortress, or 
 stronghold, on the South or Delaware River. 
 At first he bethought him to call it Fort Stuy- 
 vesant, in honor of the governor, — a lowly kind 
 of homage prevalent in our country among 
 speculators, military commanders, and office- 
 seekers of all kinds, by which our maps come 
 to be studded with the names of political pa- 
 trons and temporary great men ; in the present 
 instance, Van Poffenburgh carried his homage 
 to the most lowly degree, giving his fortress the 
 name of Fort Casimir, in honor, it is said, of a 
 favorite pair of brimstone trunk-breeches of his 
 Excellency. 
 
 As this fort will be found to give rise to im- 
 portant events, it may be worth while to notice 
 that it was afterwards called Nieuw Amstel, 
 and was the germ of the present flourishing town 
 of New Castle, or, more properly speaking, No 
 Castle, there being nothing of the kind on the 
 premises. 
 
 His fortress being finished, it would have done 
 any man's heart good to behold the swelling 
 dignity with which the general would stride in
 
 ii6 ibistors ot IRew ^oxn 
 
 and out a dozen times a day, surveying it in 
 front and in rear, on this side and on that ; how 
 he would strut backwards and forwards in full 
 regimentals on the top of the ramparts, — ^like a 
 vainglorious cock-pigeon, swelling and vaporing 
 on the top of a dove-cot. 
 
 There is a kind of valorous spleen which, like 
 ■wind, is apt to grow unruly in the stomachs of 
 newly made soldiers, compelling them to box- 
 lobby brawls and broken-headed quarrels, unless 
 there can be found some more harmless wa)'- to 
 give it vent. It is recorded in the delectable 
 romance of Pierce Forest that a young knight, 
 being dubbed by King Alexander, did inconti- 
 nently gallop into an adjacent forest and belabor 
 the trees with such might and main that he not 
 merely eased off the sudden effervescence of his 
 valor, but convinced the whole court that he 
 was the most potent and courageous cavalier 
 on the face of the earth. In like manner the 
 commander of Fort Casimir, when he found his 
 martial spirit waxing too hot within him, would 
 sally forth into the fields, and lay about him 
 most lustily with his sabre, — decapitating cab- 
 bages by platoons, hewing down lofty sun- 
 flowers, which he termed gigantic Swedes, and 
 if, perchance, he espied a colony of big-bellied 
 pumpkins quietly basking in the sun, — "Ah! 
 caitiff Yankees!" would he roar, "have I
 
 •Rel^crmcester's (Slueuc 117 
 
 caught ye at last? " So saying, with one sweep 
 of his sword he would cleave the unhappy vege- 
 tables from their chins to their waistbands ; by 
 which warlike havoc his choler being in some 
 sort allayed, he would return into the fortress 
 with the full conviction that he was a very mir- 
 acle of military prowess. 
 
 He was a disciplinarian, too, of the first order. 
 Woe to any unlucky soldier who did not hold 
 up his head and turn out his toes when on 
 parade, or who did not salute the general in 
 proper style as he passed. Having one day, in 
 his Bible researches, encountered the history of 
 Absalom and his melancholy end, the general 
 bethought him that, in a country abounding 
 with forests, his soldiers were in constant risk 
 of a like catastrophe ; he therefore, in an evil 
 hour, issued orders for cropping the hair of 
 both officers and men throughout the garrison. 
 
 Now it so happened that among his officers 
 was a sturdy veteran named Keldermeester, who 
 had cherished through a long life a mop of hair 
 not a little resembling the shag of a Newfound- 
 land dog, terminating in a queue like the han- 
 dle of a frying-pan, and queued so tightly to his 
 head that his eyes and mouth generally stood 
 ajar, and his eyebrows were drawn up to the 
 top of his forehead. It may naturally be sup- 
 posed that the possessor of so goodly an ap-
 
 ii8 1bi6tors of Iftew l^orft 
 
 pendage would resist with abhorrence an order 
 condemning it to the shears. On hearing the 
 general orders, he discharged a tempest of vet- 
 eran, soldier-like oaths, and dunder and blixums, 
 — swore he would break any man's head who 
 attempted to meddle with his tail, — queued it 
 stijQfer than ever, and whisked it about the 
 garrison as fiercely as the tale of a crocodile. 
 
 The eel -skin queue of old Keldermeester 
 became instantly an affair of the utmost im- 
 portance. The commander-in-chief was too en- 
 lightened an officer not to perceive that the dis- 
 cipline of the garrison, the subordination and 
 good order of the armies of the Nieuw Neder- 
 landts, the consequent safety of the whole prov- 
 ince, and ultimately the dignity and prosperity 
 of their High Mightinesses the Lords States- 
 General, imperiously demanded the docking of 
 that stubborn queue. He decreed, therefore, 
 that old Keldermeester should be publicly shorn 
 of his glories in presence of the v.'hole garrison ; 
 the old man as resolutely stood on the defensive ; 
 whereupon he was arrested and tried by a 
 court-martial for mutiny, desertion, and all the 
 other list of offences noticed in the articles of 
 war, ending with a "videlicet, in wearing an 
 eel-skin queue, three feet long, contrary to 
 orders." Then came on arraignments, and 
 trials, and pleadings, and the whole garrison
 
 B (Bbostls l)l0itor 119 
 
 was in a ferment about this unfortunate queue. 
 As it is well known that the commander of a 
 frontier post has the power of acting pretty 
 much after his own will, there is little doubt 
 but that the veteran would have been hanged, or 
 shot at least, had he not luckily fallen ill of a 
 fever through mere chagrin and mortification, 
 and deserted from all earthly command, with 
 his beloved locks un\dolated. His obstinacy 
 remained unshaken to the very last moment, 
 when he directed that he should be carried to 
 his grave with his eel-skin sticking out of a 
 hole in his coffin. 
 
 This magnanimous aflfair obtained the general 
 great credit as a disciplinarian ; but it is hinted 
 that he was ever afterwards subject to bad 
 dreams and fearful visitations in the night, 
 when the grisly spectre of old Keldermeester 
 would stand sentinel by his bedside, erect as a 
 pump, his enormous queue strutting out like 
 the handle.
 
 BOOK VI. 
 
 CONTAINING THE SECOND PART OE THE REIGN 
 OP PETER THE HEADSTRONG, AND HIS GAI^ 
 I^ANT ACHIEVEMENTS ON THE DEI<AWARE. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 IN WHICH IS EXHIBITED A WARLIKE PORTRAIT 
 OP THE GREAT PETER, OF THE WINDY CON- 
 TEST OF GENERAI, VAN POFFENBURGH AND 
 GENERAI. PRINTZ, AND OP THE MOSQUITO 
 WAR ON THE DEI.AWARE. 
 
 HITHERTO, most venerable and courteous 
 reader, have I shown thee the adminis- 
 tration of the valorous Stuyvesant, under the 
 mild moonshine of peace, or rather the grim 
 tranquillity of awful expectation ; but now the 
 ■war-dnmi rumbles from afar, the brazen trumpet 
 brays its thrilling note, and the rude crash of 
 hostile arms speaks fearful prophecies of coming
 
 ^be (3allant llClarrlor 121 
 
 troubles. The gallant "warrior starts from soft 
 repose, from golden visions and voluptuous 
 ease, where in the dulcet, "piping time of 
 peace " he sought sweet solace after all his toils. 
 No more in beauty's siren lap reclined, he 
 weaves fair garlands for his lady's brows ; no 
 more entwines with flowers his shining sword, 
 nor through the livelong lazy summer's day 
 chants forth his love-sick soul in madrigals. To 
 manhood roused, he spurns the amorous flute ; 
 doffs from his brawny back the robe of peace, 
 and clothes his pampered limbs in panoply of 
 steel. O'er his dark brow, where late the mjrrtle 
 waved, where wanton roses breathed enervate 
 love, he rears the beaming casque and nodding 
 plume ; grasps the bright shield, and shakes the 
 ponderous lance ; or mounts with eager pride 
 his fiery steed, and bums for deeds of glorious 
 chivalry ! 
 
 But soft, worthy reader ! I would not have 
 you imagine that any preux chevalier^ thus 
 hideously begirt with iron, existed in the city of 
 New Amsterdam. This is but a lofty and gigantic 
 mode, in which we heroic writers always talk of 
 war, thereby to give it a noble and imposing 
 aspect ; equipping our warriors with bucklers, 
 helms, and lances, and such like outlandish and 
 obsolete weapons, the like of which perchance 
 they had never seen or heard of, — in the same
 
 122 Ibistors ot IRew l^oih 
 
 manner that a cunning statuary arrays a modem 
 general or an admiral in the accoutrements of a 
 Caesar or an Alexander. The simple truth, then, 
 of all this oratorical flourish is this, that the 
 valiant Peter Stuyvesant all of a sudden found 
 it necessary to scour his rusty blade, which too 
 long had rusted in its scabbard, and prepare 
 himself to undergo those hardy toils of war in 
 which his mighty soul so much delighted. 
 
 Methinks I at this moment behold him in my 
 imagination, or rather, I behold his goodly 
 portrait, which still hangs up in the family 
 mansion of the Stuyvesants, arrayed in all the 
 terrors of a true Dutch General : his regimental 
 coat of German blue, gorgeously decorated with 
 a goodly show of large brass buttons, reaching 
 from his waistband to his chin ; the voluminous 
 skirts turned up at the comers and separating 
 gallantly behind, so as to display the seat of a 
 sumptuous pair of brimstone-colored trunk- 
 breeches, — a graceful style still prevalent among 
 the warriors of our day, and which is in con- 
 formity to the custom of ancient heroes, who 
 scorned to defend themselves in rear ; his face 
 rendered exceeding terrible and warlike by a 
 pair of black mustachios ; his hair strutting out 
 on each side in stiffly pomatumed ear-locks, and 
 descending in a rat-tail queue below his waist ; 
 a shining stock of black leather supporting his
 
 (Bovcrnor 5an iprint3 123 
 
 chin ; and a little but fierce cocked hat, stuck 
 with a gallant and fiery air over his left eye. 
 Such was the chivalric port of Peter the Head- 
 strong ; and when he made a sudden halt, planted 
 himself firmly on his solid supporter, with his 
 wooden leg, inlaid with silver, a little in advance, 
 in order to strengthen his position, his right 
 hand grasping a gold-headed cane, his left rest- 
 ing upon the pummel of his sword, his head 
 dressing spiritedly to the right, with a most 
 appalling and hard-favored frown upon his 
 brow, — he presented altogether one of the most 
 commanding, bitter-looking, and soldier-like 
 figures that ever strutted upon canvas. — Proceed 
 we now to inquire the cause of this warlike 
 preparation. 
 
 In the preceding chapter we have spoken of 
 the founding of Fort Casimir, and of the merci- 
 less warfare waged by its commander upon 
 cabbages, sunflowers, and pumpkins, for want 
 of better occasion to flesh his sword. Now it 
 came to pass that, higher up the Delaware, at 
 his stronghold of Tinnekonk, resided one Jan 
 Printz, who styled himself Governor of New 
 Sweden. If history belie not this redoubtable 
 Swede, he was a rival worthy of the windy and 
 inflated commander of Fort Casimir, for master 
 Dax-id Pieterzen de Vrie, in his excellent book 
 of voyages, describes him as ' ' weighing up-
 
 124 1b(6tori5 ot Bew l^orft 
 
 wards of four hundred pounds," a huge feeder 
 and bowser in proportion, taking three pota- 
 tions pottle-deep at every meal. He had a 
 garrison after his own heart at Tinnekonk, — 
 guzzling, deep-drinking swash-bucklers, who 
 made the wild woods ring with their carousals. 
 
 No sooner did this robustious commander 
 hear of the erection of Fort Casimir, than he 
 sent a message to Van Poffenburgh, warning 
 him off the land, as being within the bounds 
 of his jurisdiction. 
 
 To this General Van Poflfenburgh replied 
 that the land belonged to their High Mighti- 
 nesses, having been regularly purchased of the 
 natives, as discoverers from the Manhattoes, as 
 witness the breeches of their land measurer 
 Ten Broeck. 
 
 To this the governor rejoined that the land 
 had previously been sold by the Indians to the 
 Swedes, and consequently was under the petti- 
 coat government of her Swedish majesty, 
 Christina ; and woe be to any mortal that wore 
 breeches who should dare to meddle even with 
 the hem of her sacred garment. 
 
 I forbear to dilate upon the war of words 
 which was kept up for some time by these 
 windy commanders. Van Poffenburgh, how- 
 ever, had served under William the Testy, and 
 was a veteran in this kind of warfare. Governor
 
 a minOg Martarc 125 
 
 Printz, finding he was not to be dislodged by 
 these long shots, now determined upon coming 
 to closer quarters. Accordingly, he descended 
 the river in great force and fume, and erected 
 a rival fortress, just one Swedish mile below 
 Fort Casimir, to which he gave the nam<^ of 
 Helsenburg. 
 
 And now commenced a tremendous rivalry 
 between these two doughty commanders, striv 
 ing to out-strut and out-swell each other like a 
 couple of belligerent turkey-cocks. There was 
 a contest who should run up the tallest flag- 
 staflf and display the broadest flag ; all day long 
 there was a furious rolling of drums and twang- 
 ing of trumpets in either fortress, and which- 
 ever had the wind in its favor would keep up a 
 continual firing of cannon, to taunt its antago- 
 nist with the smell of gunpowder. 
 
 On all these points of windy warfare the 
 antagonists were well matched ; but so it hap- 
 pened that, the Swedish fortress being lower 
 down the river, all the Dutch vessels bound to 
 Fort Casimir with supplies had to pass it. Gov- 
 ernor Printz at once took advantage of this 
 circumstance, and compelled them to lower 
 their flags as they passed under the guns of his 
 battery. 
 
 This was a deadly wound to the Dutch pride 
 of General Van Poffenburgh, and sorely would
 
 126 1b(6torg ot IFlcw lorft 
 
 he swell when from the ramparts of Fort Casi- 
 mir he beheld the flag of their High Mighti- 
 nesses struck to the rival fortress. To heighten 
 his vexation, Governor Printz, who, as has been 
 shown, was a huge trencherman, took the lib- 
 erty of having the first rummage of every Dutch 
 merchant-ship, and securing to himself and his 
 guzzling garrison all the little round Dutch 
 cheeses, all the Dutch herrings, the ginger- 
 bread, the sweetmeats, the curious stone jugs 
 of gin, and all the other Dutch luxuries, on 
 their way for the solace of Fort Casimir. It is 
 possible he may have paid to the Dutch skip- 
 pers the full value of their commodities ; but 
 what consolation was this to Jacobus Van Pof- 
 fenburgh and his garrison, who thus found 
 their favorite supplies cut off and diverted into 
 the larders of the hostile camp ? For some 
 time this war of the cupboard was carried on 
 to the great festivity and jollification of the 
 Swedes, while the warriors of Fort Casimir 
 found their hearts, or rather their stomachs, 
 daily failing them. At length the summer 
 heats and summer showers set in, and now, lo 
 and behold, a great miracle was wrought for 
 the relief of the Nederlands, not a little resem- 
 bling one of the plagues of Egj'pt ; for it came 
 to pass that a great cloud of mosquitoes arose 
 out of the marshy borders of the river and set-
 
 Hbc /fcosquito Mar 127 
 
 tied upon the fortress of Halsenburg, being, 
 doubtless, attracted by the scent of the fresh 
 blood of these Swedish gormandizers. Nay, it 
 is said that the body of Jan Printz alone, which 
 was as big and as full of blood as that of a prize 
 ox, was sufiBcient to attract the mosquitoes from 
 every part of the country. For some time the 
 garrison endeavored to hold out, but it was 
 all in vain ; the mosquitoes penetrated into 
 every chink and crevice, and gave them no 
 rest day nor night ; and as to Governor Jan 
 Printz, he moved about as in a cloud, with mos- 
 quito music in his ears, and mosquito stings to 
 the very end of his nose. Finally the garri- 
 son was fairly driven out of the fortress, and 
 obliged to retreat to Tinnekonk ; nay, it is 
 said that the mosquitoes followed Jan Printz 
 even thither, and absolutely drove him out of 
 the country ; certain it is, he embarked for 
 Sweden shortly afterwards, and Jan Claudius 
 Risingh was sent to govern New Sweden in his 
 stead. 
 
 Such was the famous mosquito war on the 
 Delaware, of which General Van Poffenburgh 
 would fain have been the hero ; but the devout 
 people of the Nieuw Nederlandts always as- 
 scribed the discomfiture of the Swedes to the 
 miraculous intervention of St. Nicholas. As to 
 the fortress of Helsenburg, it fell to ruin ; but
 
 128 
 
 •fcistor^ of "Kcw l^orli 
 
 the story of its strange destruction was perpet- 
 uated by the Swedish name of Myggen-borg, 
 that is to say, Mosquito Castle.* 
 
 ♦Acrelius' History N. Sweden. For some node* of 
 this miraculous discomfiture of the Swedes, see N, V, 
 His. Col., new series, vol. I., p. 412.
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 OP JAN RISINGH, HIS GIANTLY PERSON AND 
 CRAFTY DEEDS ; AND OF THE CATASTROPHE 
 AT FORT CASIMIR. 
 
 JAN CLAUDIUS RISINGH, who succeeded 
 to the command of New Sweden, looms 
 largely in ancient records as a gigantic Swede, 
 who, had he not been rather knock-kneed and 
 splay-footed, might have served for the model 
 of a Samson or a Hercules. He was no less 
 rapacious than mighty, and, withal, as crafty^ as 
 he was rapacious ; so that there is very little 
 doubt that, had he lived some four or five cen- 
 turies since, he would have figured as one of 
 those wicked giants who took a cruel pleasure 
 in pocketing beautiful princesses and distressed 
 damsels, when gadding about the world, and 
 locking them up in enchanted castles, without 
 a toilet, a change of linen, or any other con-
 
 130 I)i0tori2 of Bew l^orft 
 
 venience. In consequence of which enormities 
 they fell under the high displeasure of chivalry, 
 and all true, loyal, and gallant knights were in- 
 structed to attack and slay outright any miscre- 
 ant they might happen to find above six feet 
 high ; which is doubtless one reason why the 
 race of large men is nearly extinct, and the 
 generations of latter ages are so exceedingly 
 small. 
 
 Governor Risingh, notwithstanding his gi- 
 antly condition, was, as I have hinted, a man 
 of craft. He was not the man to ruffle the van- 
 ity of General Van Poffenburgh, or to rub his 
 self-conceit against the grain. On the contrary, 
 as he sailed up the Delaware, he paused before 
 Fort Casimir, displayed his flag, and fired a 
 royal salute before dropping anchor. The salute 
 would doubtless have been returned, had not 
 the guns been dismounted ; as it was, a veteran 
 sentinel, who had been napping at his post, 
 and had suffered his match to go out, returned 
 the compliment by discharging his musket 
 with the spark of a pipe borrowed from a com- 
 rade. Governor Risingh accepted this as a 
 courteous reply, and treated the fortress to a 
 second salute, well knowing its commander was 
 apt to be marvellously delighted with these 
 little ceremonials, considering them so many 
 acts of homage paid to his greatness. He then 
 
 I
 
 Zbc 0arri0on mnDer Brms 131 
 
 prepared to land with a military retinue of 
 thirty men, a prodigious pageant in the wilder- 
 ness. 
 
 And now took place a terrible rummage and 
 racket in Fort Casimir, to receive such a visitor 
 in proper style, and to make an imposing ap- 
 pearance. The main guard was turned out as 
 soon as possible, equipped to the best advantage 
 in the few suits of regimentals, which had to 
 do duty by turns with the whole garrison. One 
 tall, lank fellow appeared in a little man's coat, 
 with the buttons between his shoulders, the 
 skirts scarce covering his bottom, his hands 
 hanging like spades out of the sleeves, and the 
 coat linked in front by worsted loops made out 
 of a pair of red garters. Another had a cocked 
 hat stuck on the back of his head, and deco- 
 rated with a bunch of cock's tails ; a third had 
 a pair of rusty gaiters hanging about his heels ; 
 while a fourth, a little duck-legged fellow, was 
 equipped in a pair of the general's cast-oflf 
 breeches, which he held up with one hand 
 while he grasped his firelock with the other. 
 The rest were accoutred in similar style, except 
 three ragamuffins without shirts, and with but 
 a pair and a half of breeches between them ; 
 wherefore they were sent to the black hole, to 
 keep them out of sight, that they might not 
 disgrace the fortress.
 
 132 Ibistorg of IRcw lorft 
 
 His men being tlins gallantly arrayed, — those 
 who lacked muskets shouldering spades and 
 pick-axes, and every man being ordered to tuck 
 in his shirt-tail and pull up his brogues, — Gen- 
 eral Van Poffenburgh first took a sturdy draught 
 of foaming ale, which, like the magnanimous 
 More of More-hall,* was his invariable practice 
 on all great occasions ; this done, he put him- 
 self at their head, and issued forth from his 
 castle, like a mighty giant, just refreshed with 
 wine. But when the two heroes met, then be- 
 gan a scene of warlike parade that beggars all 
 description. The shrewd Risingh, who had 
 grown gray much before his time in conse- 
 quence of his craftiness, saw at one glance the 
 ruling passion of the great Van Poffenburgh, 
 and humored him in all his valorous fantasies. 
 
 Their detachments were accordingly drawn 
 up in front of each other ; they carried arms and 
 they presented arms ; they gave the standing 
 salute and the passing salute ; they rolled their 
 drums, they flourished their fifes, and they 
 waved their colors ; they faced to the left, and 
 they faced to the right, and they faced to the 
 right-about ; they wheeled forward, and they 
 
 *" as soon as he rose, 
 
 To make him strong and mighty, 
 He drank by the tale, six pots of ale, 
 And a quart of aqua vittc." 
 
 Dragon of Wantley.
 
 jfflbilitarB Bv^olutions 133 
 
 wheeled backward, and they wheeled into 
 echellon ; they marched and they counter- 
 marched, by grand divisions, by single divi- 
 sions, and by subdivisions; by platoons, by 
 sections, and by files ; in quick time, in slow 
 time, and in no time at all ; for, having gone 
 through all the evolutions of two great armies, 
 including the eighteen manoeuvres of Dundas ; 
 having exhausted all they could recollect or 
 imagine of military tactics, including sunrlry 
 strange and irregular evolutions, the like of 
 which were never seen before nor since, except- 
 ing among certain of our newly raised militia, 
 — the two commanders and their respective 
 troops came at length to a dead halt, completely 
 exhausted by the toils of war. Never did two 
 valiant train-band captains, or two buskined 
 theatric heroes, in the renowned tragedies of 
 Pizarro, Tom Thumb, or any other heroical 
 and fighting tragedy, marshal their gallows- 
 looking, duck-legged, heavy-heeled myrmidons 
 with more glory and self-admiration. 
 
 These military compliments being finished, 
 General Van Poflfenburgh escorted his illustri- 
 ous visitor, with great ceremony, into the fort ; 
 attended him throughout the fortifications ; 
 showed him the horn-works, crown-works, half- 
 moons, and various other outworks, or rather 
 the places where they ought to be erected, and
 
 134 fbietov^ of Bew l^ork 
 
 where they might be erected if he pleased ; 
 plainly demonstrating that it was a place of 
 "great capability," and though at present but a 
 little redoubt, yet that it was evidently a for- 
 midable fortress, in embyro. This survey, over, 
 he next had the whole garrison put under arms, 
 exercised, and reviewed ; and concluded by 
 ordering the three bridewell birds to be hauled 
 out of the black hole, brought up to the hal- 
 berds, and soundly flogged, for the amusement 
 of his visitor, and to convince him that he was 
 a great disciplinarian. 
 
 The cunning Risingh, while he pretended to 
 be struck dumb outright with the puissance of 
 the great Van Pofienburgh, took silent note of 
 the incompetency of his garrison, — of which he 
 gave a wink to his trusty followers, who tipped 
 each other the wink, and laughed most obstrep- 
 erously — in their sleeves. 
 
 The inspection, review, and flogging being 
 concluded, the party adjourned to the table ; 
 for among his other great qualities, the general 
 was remarkably addicted to huge carousals, 
 and in one afternoon's campaign would leave 
 more dead men on the field than he ever did in 
 the whole course of his military career. Many 
 bulletins of these bloodless victories do still 
 remain on record ; and the whole province was 
 once thrown in amaze by the return of one of
 
 Dan poltcnbur0b*0 iprowess 135 
 
 his campaigns, wherein it was stated that, 
 though, like Captain Bobadil, he had only 
 twenty men to back him, yet in the short space 
 of six months he had conquered and utterly 
 annihilated sixty oxen, ninety hogs, one hun- 
 dred sheep, ten thousand cabbages, one thousand 
 bushels of potatoes, one hundred and fifty 
 kilderkins of small beer, two thousand seven 
 hundred and thirty-five pipes, seventy-eight 
 pounds of sugar-plums, and forty bars of iron, 
 besides sundry small meats, game, poultry, and 
 garden-stuff : — an achievement unparalleled 
 since the days of Pantagruel and his all-devour- 
 ing army, and which showed that it was only 
 necessary to let Van Poffenburgh and his garri- 
 son loose in an enemy's country, and in a little 
 while they would breed a famine, and starve all 
 the inhabitants. 
 
 No sooner, therefore, had the general received 
 intimation of the visit of Governor Risingh, 
 than he ordered a great dinner to be prepared, 
 and privately sent out a detachment of his most 
 experienced veterans, to rob all the hen-roosts 
 in the neighborhood, and lay the pigsties under 
 contribution, — a service w^hich they discharged 
 with such zeal and promptitude, that the garri- 
 son table groaned under the weight of their 
 spoils. 
 
 I wish, with all my heart, my readers could
 
 136 Iblstor^ of Bcw lorft 
 
 see the valiant Van Poflfenburgh, as lie presided 
 at the head of the banquet ; it was a sight worth 
 beholding : — there he sat, in his greatest glory, 
 surrounded by his soldiers, like that famous 
 wine-bibber, Alexander, whose thirsty virtues 
 he did most ably imitate, — telling astonishing 
 stories of his hair-breadth adventures and heroic 
 exploits ; at which, though all his auditors 
 knew them to be incontinent lies and outra- 
 geous gasconadoes, yet did they cast up their 
 eyes in admiration, and utter many interjections 
 of astonishment. Nor could the general pro- 
 nounce any thing that bore the remotest re- 
 semblence to a joke, but the stout Risingh 
 would strike his brawny fist upon the table till 
 every glass rattled again, throw himself back in 
 the chair, utter gigantic peals of laughter, and 
 swear most horribly it was the best joke he 
 ever heard in his life. Thus all was rout and 
 revelry and hideous carousal within Fort Casi- 
 mir ; and so lustily did Van Poffenburgh ply the 
 bottle, that in less than four short hours he 
 made himself and his whole garrison, who all 
 sedulously emulated the deeds of their chieftain, 
 dead drunk, with singing songs, quaffing bum- 
 pers, and drinking patriotic toasts, none of 
 which but was as long as a Welsh pedigree or a 
 plea in chancery. 
 
 No sooner did things come to this pass, than
 
 •ffngratituDe ot the SwcDes 137 
 
 Risingh and his Swedes, who had cunningly 
 kept themselves sober, rose on their entertain- 
 ers, tied them neck and heels, and took formal 
 possession of the fort, and all its dependencies, 
 in the name of Queen Christina of Sweden, ad- 
 ministering at the same time an oath of al- 
 legiance to all the Dutch soldiers who could be 
 made sober enough to swallow it. Risingh 
 then put the fortification in order, appointed 
 his discreet and vigilant friend, Suen Schiite, 
 otherwise called Skytte, a tall, wind-dried, 
 water-drinking Swede, to the command, and 
 departed, bearing with him this truly amiable 
 garrison and its puissant commander, who, 
 when brought to himself by a sound drubbing, 
 bore no little resemblance to a " deboshed fish," 
 or bloated sea-monster caught upon dry land. 
 
 The transportation of the garrison was done 
 to prevent the transmission of intelligence to 
 New Amsterdam ; for much as the cunning Ri- 
 singh exulted in his stratagem, yet did he dread 
 the vengeance of the sturdy Peter Stuy\'esant, 
 whose name spread as much terror in the neigh- 
 borhood as did whilom that of the unconquera- 
 ble Scanderbeg among his scurvy enemies the 
 Turks.
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 SHOWING HOW PROFOUND SECRETS ARE OFTEN 
 BROUGHT TO WGHT ; WITH THE PROCEEDINGS 
 OF PETER THE HEADSTRONG WHEN HE HEARD 
 OF THE MISFORTUNES OF GENERAI. VAN POF- 
 FENBURGH. 
 
 WHOEVER first described common fame, or 
 rumor, as belonging to the sager sex, was 
 a very owl for shrewdness. She has in truth 
 certain feminine qualities to an astonishing de- 
 gree, particularly that benevolent anxiety to take 
 care of the affairs of others, which keeps her 
 continually hunting after secrets, and gadding 
 about proclaiming them. Whatever is done 
 openly and in the face of the world, she takes 
 but transient notice of ; but whenever a transac- 
 tion is done in a comer, and attempted to be 
 shrouded in mystery, then her goddess-ship is 
 at her wit's end to find it out, and takes a most 
 mischievous and lady -like pleasure in publishing 
 it to the world.
 
 DlrK Scbuiler 139 
 
 It is this truly feminine propensity which in- 
 duces her continually to be prying into the cab- 
 inets of princes, listening at the key-holes of 
 senate-chambers, and peering through chinks 
 and crannies when our worthy Congress are 
 sitting with closed doors, deliberating between 
 a dozen excellent modes of ruining the nation. 
 It is this which makes her so baneful to all 
 wary statesmen and intriguing commanders, — 
 such a stumbling-block to private negotiations 
 and secret expeditions, betraying them by 
 means and instruments which never would 
 have been thought of by any but a female 
 head. 
 
 Thus it was in the case of the affair of Fort 
 Casimir. No doubt the cunning Risingh ima- 
 gined that, by securing the garrison, he should 
 for a long time prevent the history of its fate 
 from reaching the ears of the gallant Stuyve- 
 sant ; but his exploit was blown to the world 
 when he least expected, and by one of the last 
 beings he would ever have suspected of enlist- 
 ing as trumpeter to the wide-mouthed deity. 
 
 This was one Dirk Schuiler (or Skulker) a 
 kind of hanger-on to the garrison, who seemed 
 to belong to nobody, and in a manner to beself- 
 out-lawed. He was one of those vagabond cos- 
 mopolites who shark about the world as if they 
 had no right or business in it, and who infest
 
 I40 Iblstors of IRcw lork 
 
 the skirts of society like poachers and inter- 
 lopers. Every garrison and country village has 
 one or more scape-goats of this kind, whose life 
 is a kind of enigma, whose existence is without 
 motive, who comes from the Lord knows where, 
 who lives the Lord knows how, and who seems 
 created for no other earthly purpose but to keep 
 up the ancient and honorable order of idleness. 
 This vagrant philosopher was supposed to have 
 some Indian blood in his veins, which was mani- 
 fested by a certain Indian complexion and cast 
 of countenance, but more especially by his pro- 
 pensities and habits. He was a tall, lank fellow, 
 swift of foot, and long-winded. He was gen- 
 erally equipped in a half Indian dress, with 
 belt, leggins, and moccasons. His hair hung in 
 straight gallows-locks about his ears, and added 
 not a little to his sharking demeanor. It is an 
 old remark, that persons of Indian mixture are 
 half civilized, half savage, and half devil, — a 
 third half being provided for their particular 
 convenience. It is for similar reasons, and 
 probably with equal truth, that the backwoods- 
 men of Kentucky are styled half man, half 
 horse, and half alligator, by the settlers on the 
 Mississippi, and held accordingly in great re* 
 pect and abhorrence. 
 
 The above character may have presented it' 
 self to the garrison as applicable to Dirk Schu-
 
 (5allow0 Dirk 141 
 
 iler, whom they familiarly dubbed Gallows 
 Dirk. Certain it is, he acknowledged allegiance 
 to no one, — was an utter enemy to work, holding 
 it in no manner of estimation, — but lounging 
 about the fort, depending upon chance for a 
 subsistence, getting drunk whenever he could 
 get liquor, and stealing whatever he could 
 lay his hands on. Every day or two he was sure 
 to get a round rib-roasting for some of his mis- 
 demeanors, which, however, as it broke no 
 bones, he made very light of, and scrupled not 
 to repeat the offence whenever another oppor- 
 tunity presented. Sometimes, in consequence 
 of some flagrant villainy, he would abscond from 
 the garrison, and be absent for a month at a 
 time, skulking about the woods and swamps, 
 with a long fowling-piece on his shoulder, lying 
 in ambush for game, — or squatting himself down 
 on the edge of a pond, catching fish for hours 
 together, and bearing no little resemblance to 
 that notable bird of the crane family, ycleped 
 the Mudpoke. When he thought his crimes had 
 been forgotten or forgiven, he would sneak back 
 to the fort with a bundle of skins, or a load of 
 poultry, which, perchance, he had stolen, and 
 would exchange them for liquor, with which 
 having well soaked his carcass, he would lie in 
 the sun and enjoy all the luxurious indolence of 
 that swinish philosopher Diogenes. He was
 
 142 Ibistor^ of Iftew l^orft 
 
 the terror of all the farm-yards in the country 
 into which he made fearful inroads ; and some- 
 times he would make his sudden appearance in 
 the garrison at daybreak, with the whole neigh- 
 borhood at his heels, — like the scoundrel thief 
 of a fox, detected in his maraudings and hunt- 
 ed to his hole. Such was this Dirk Schuiler ; and 
 from the total indifference he showed to the 
 world and its concerns, and from his truly In- 
 dian stoicism and taciturnity, no one would ever 
 have dreamt that he would have been the pub- 
 lisher of the treachery of Risingh. 
 
 When the carousal was going on, which 
 proved so fatal to the brave Poffenburgh and his 
 watchful garrison. Dirk skulked about from 
 room to room, being a kind of privileged va' 
 grant, or useless hound, whom nobody noticed. 
 But though a fellow of few words, yet, like your 
 taciturn people, his eyes and ears were always 
 open, and in the course of his prowlings he 
 overheard the whole plot of the Swedes. Dirk 
 immediately settled in his own mind how he 
 should turn the matter to his own advantage. 
 He played the perfect jack-of-both-sides, which is 
 to say, he made a prize of every thing that came 
 in his reach, robbed both parties, stuck the 
 copper-bound cocked hat of the puissant Van 
 Poffenburgh on his head, whipped a huge pair 
 of Risingh' s jack-boots under his arms, and
 
 jfllabt to IRew BmsterOam 143 
 
 took to his heels just before the catastrophe and 
 confusion at the garrison. 
 
 Finding himself completely dislodged from 
 his haunt in this quarter, he directed his flight 
 towards his native place, New Amsterdam, 
 whence he had formerly been obliged to ab- 
 scond percipitately, in consequence of misfor- 
 tune in business, — that is to say, having been 
 detected in the act of sheep-stealing. After 
 wandering many days in the woods, toiling 
 through swamps, fording brooks, swimming 
 various rivers, and encountering a world of 
 hardships that would have killed any other be- 
 ing but an Indian, a backwoodsman, or the 
 Devil, he at length arrived, half famished, and 
 lank as a starved weasel, at Communipaw, where 
 he stole a canoe, and paddled over to New Am- 
 sterdam. Immediately on landing, he repaired 
 to Governor Stuyvesant, and, in more words 
 than he had ever spoken before in the whole 
 course of his life, gave an account of the disas- 
 trous affair. 
 
 On receiving these direful tidings, the valiant 
 Peter started from his seat, dashed the pipe he 
 was smoking against the back of the chimney, 
 thrust a prodigious quid of tobacco into his left 
 cheek, pulled up his galligaskins, and strode up 
 and down the room, humming, as was customary 
 with him when in a passion, a hideous north-
 
 144 tXstor^ of Bew l^ork 
 
 west ditty. But, as I have before shown, he was 
 not a man to vent his spleen in idle vaporing. 
 His first measure, after the paroxysm of wrath 
 had subsided, was to stump up stairs to a huge 
 wooden chest, which served as his armor>% from 
 whence he drew forth that identical suit of regi- 
 mentals described in the preceding chapter. 
 In'these portentous habiliments he arrayed him- 
 self like Achilles in the armor of Vulcan, main- 
 taining all the while an appalling silence, 
 knitting his brows, and drawing his breath 
 through his clinched teeth. Being hastily 
 equipped, he strode down into the parlor and 
 jerked down his trusty sword from over the 
 fireplace, where it was usually suspended ; but 
 before he girded it on his thigh, he drew it from 
 its scabbard, and as his eye coursed along the 
 rusty blade, a grim smile stole over his iron vis- 
 age ; it was the first smile that had visited his 
 countenance for five long weeks ; but every one 
 who beheld it prophesied that there would soon 
 be warm work in the province ! 
 
 Thus armed at all points, with grisly war de- 
 picted in each feature, his very cocked hat as- 
 suming an air of uncommon defiance, he in- 
 stantly put himself upon the alert, and de- 
 spatched Antony Van Corlear hither and thither, 
 this way and that way, through all the nmddy 
 streets and crooked lanes of the city, summon-
 
 Zbc Council Summoned ms 
 
 ing by sound of trumpet his trusty peers to 
 assemble in instant council. This done, by way 
 of expediting matters, according to the custom 
 of people in a hurry, he kept in continual bus- 
 tle, shifting from chair to chair, popping his 
 head out of every window, and stumping up 
 and down stairs with his wooden leg in such 
 brisk and incessant motion, that, as we are in- 
 formed by an authentic historian of the times, 
 the continual clatter bore no small resemblance 
 to the music of a cooper hooping a flour-barrel. 
 
 A summons so peremptory, and from a man 
 of the governor's mettle, was not to be trifled 
 with ; the sages forthwith repaired to the coun- 
 cil-chamber, seated themselves with the utmost 
 tranquillity, and, lighting their long pipes, 
 gazed with unruffled composure on his Excel- 
 lency and his regimentals, — being, as all coim- 
 sellors should be, not easily flustered, nor taken 
 by surprise. The governor, looking around for 
 a moment with a lofty, soldier-like air, and 
 resting one hand on the pommel of his sword, 
 and flinging the other forth in a free and spir- 
 ited manner, addressed them in a short but 
 soul-stirring harangue. 
 
 I am extremely sorry that I have not the ad- 
 vantages of Livy,Thucydides, Plutarch, and oth- 
 ers of my predecessors, who were furnished, as 
 7 am told, with the speeches of all their heroes,
 
 146 Ibistor^ of Bew l^ork 
 
 taken down in short-hand by the most accurate 
 stenographers of the time, — whereby they were 
 enabled wonderfully to enrich their histories, 
 and delight their readers with sublime strains 
 of eloquence. Not having such important aux- 
 iliaries, I cannot possibly pronounce what was 
 the tenor of Governor Stujrvesant's speech. I 
 am bold, however, to say, from the tenor of his 
 character, that he did not wrap his rugged sub- 
 ject in silks and ermines, and other sickly trick- 
 eries of phrase, but spoke forth like a man of 
 nerve and vigor, who scorned to shrink in words 
 from those dangers which he stood ready to en- 
 coimter in very deed. This much is certain, that 
 he concluded by announcing his determination 
 to lead on his troops in person, and rout these 
 costard -monger Swedes from their usurped 
 quarters at Fort Casimir. To this hardy resolu- 
 tion, such of his council as were awake gave 
 their usual signal of concurrence ; and as to the 
 rest, who had fallen asleep about the middle of 
 the harangue (their " usual custom in the after- 
 noon "), they made not the least objection. 
 
 And now was seen in the fair city of New 
 Amsterdam a prodigious bustle and preparation 
 for iron war. Recruiting parties marched hither 
 and thither, calling lustily upon all the scrubs, 
 the runagates, and tatterdemalions of the Man- 
 hattoes and its vicinity, who had any ambition
 
 IRccruftincj tor Tldar 147 
 
 of sixpence a day, and immortal fame into the 
 bargain, to enlist in the cause of glory : — for I 
 would have you note that your warlike heroes 
 who trudge in the rear of conquerors are gener- 
 ally of that illustrious class of gentlemen who 
 are equal candidates for the army or the bride- 
 well, the halberds or the w^hipping-post, — for 
 whom Dame Fortune has cast an even die, 
 whether they shall make their exit by the sword 
 or the halter, and whose deaths shall, at all 
 events, be a lofty example to their countrymen. 
 But, notwithstanding all this martial rout and 
 invitation, the ranks of honor were but scantily 
 supplied, so averse were the peaceful burghers 
 of New Amsterdam from enlisting in foreign 
 broils, or stirring beyond that home which 
 rounded all their earthly ideas. Upon behold- 
 ing this, the great Peter, whose noble heart was 
 all on fire with war and sweet revenge, deter- 
 mined to wait no longer for the tardy assistance 
 of these oily citizens, but to muster up his merry 
 men of the Hudson, who, brought up among 
 woods, and wilds, and savage beasts, like our 
 yeomen of Kentucky, delighted in nothing so 
 much as desperate adventures and perilous ex- 
 peditions through the wilderness. Thus resolv- 
 ing, he ordered his trusty squire, Antony Van 
 Corlear, to have his state galley prepared and 
 duly victualled ; which being performed, he at-
 
 148 
 
 Ibistorg ot IRew l^orh 
 
 tended public service at the great church of St. 
 Nicholas, like a true and pious governor ; and 
 then leaving peremptory orders with his council 
 to have the chivalry of the Manhattoes mar- 
 shalled out and appointed against his return, 
 departed on his recruiting voyage up the waters 
 of the Hudson.
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 CONTAINING PETER STUYVES ANT'S VOYAGE UP 
 THE HUDSON, AND THE WONDERS AND DE- 
 LIGHTS OF THAT RENOWNED RIVER. 
 
 NOW did the soft breezes of the south steal 
 sweetly over the face of nature, tempering 
 the panting heats of summer into genial and 
 prolific warmth ; when that miracle of hardi- 
 hood and chivalric virtue, the dauntless Peter 
 Stuyvesant, spread his canvas to the wind, and 
 departed from the fair island of Manna- hata. 
 The galley in which he embarked was sump- 
 tuously adorned with pendants and streamers of 
 gorgeous dyes which fluttered gayly in the 
 wind, or drooped their ends into the bosom of 
 the stream. The bow and poop of this majestic 
 vessel were gallantly bedight, after the rarest 
 Dutch fashion, with figures of little pursy Cu- 
 pids with periwigs on their heads, and bearing 
 in their hands garlands of flowers, the like of
 
 I50 Ibistors of 1Rew l^orh 
 
 which are not to be found in any book of botany, 
 being the matchless flowers which flourished in 
 the golden age, and exist no longer, unless it 
 be in the imaginations of ingenious carvers of 
 wood and discolorers of canvas. 
 
 Thus rarely decorated, in style befitting the 
 puissant potentate of the Manhattoes, did the 
 galley of Peter Stuyvesant launch forth upon 
 the bosom of the lordly Hudson, which, as it 
 rolled its broad waves to the ocean, seemed to 
 pause for a while and swell with pride, as if 
 conscious of the illustrious burden it sustained. 
 
 But trust me, gentlefolk, far other was the 
 scene presented to the contemplation of the 
 crew from that which may be witnessed at this 
 degenerate day. Wildness and savage majesty 
 reigned on the borders of this mighty river ; the 
 hand of cultivation had not as 3'et laid low the 
 dark forest, and tamed the features of the land- 
 scape ; nor had the frequent sail of commerce 
 broken in upon the profound and awful solitude 
 of ages. Here and there might be seen a rude 
 wigwam perched among the clifls of the moun- 
 tains, with its curling column of smoke mount- 
 ing in the transparent atmosphere, — but so 
 loftily situated that the whoopings of the savage 
 children, gambolling on the margin of the dizzy 
 heights, fell almost as faintly on the ear as do 
 the notes of the lark when lost in the azure
 
 XLbc ttJoBage 151 
 
 vault of heaven. Now and then, from the beet- 
 ling brow of some precipice, the wild deer would 
 look timidly down upon the splendid pageant as 
 it passed below, and then, tossing his antlers in 
 the air, would bound away into the thickest of 
 the forest 
 
 Through such scenes did the stately vessel of 
 Peter Stuyvesant pass. Now did they skirt the 
 bases of the rocky heights of Jersey, which 
 spring up like everlasting walls, reaching from 
 the waves unto the heavens, and were fashioned, 
 if tradition may be believed, in times long past, 
 by the mighty spirit Manetho, to protect his 
 favorite abodes from the unhallowed eyes of 
 mortals. Now did they career it gayly across the 
 vast expanse of Tappan Bay, whose wide-extend- 
 ed shores present a variety of delectable scenery, 
 — ^here the bold promontory, crowned with em- 
 bowering trees, advancing into the bay, — there 
 the long woodland slope, sweeping up from the 
 shore in rich luxuriance, and terminating in the 
 upland precipice, — while at a distance a long 
 waving line of rocky heights threw their gigan- 
 tic shades across the water. Now would they 
 pass where some modest little interval, opening 
 among these stupendous scenes, yet retreating 
 as it were for protection into the embraces of 
 the neighboring mountains, displayed a rural 
 paradise, fraught with sweet and pastoral beau-
 
 152 1bi0tori2 ot IRew l^orft 
 
 ties, — the velvet-tufted lawn, tlie bushy copse, 
 the tinkling rivulet, stealing through the fresh 
 and vivid verdure, on whose banks was situated 
 some little Indian village, or, peradventure, the 
 rude cabin of some solitary hunter. 
 
 The different periods of the revolving day 
 seemed each, with cunning magic, to diffuse a 
 different charm over the scene. Now would the 
 jovial sun break gloriously from the east, blazing 
 from the summits of the hills, and sparkling the 
 landscape with a thousand dewy gems ; while 
 along the borders of the river were seen the 
 heavy masses of mist, which, like midnight 
 caitiffs, disturbed at his approach, made a slug- 
 gish retreat, rolling in sullen reluctance up the 
 mountains. At such times all was brightness, and 
 life, and gayety, — the atmosphere was of an in- 
 describable pureness and transparency, — the 
 birds broke forth in wanton madrigals, and the 
 freshening breezes wafted the vessel merrily on 
 her course. But when the sun sunk amid a flood 
 of glory in the west, mantling the heavens and 
 the earth with a thousand gorgeous dyes, then 
 all was calm, and silent, and magnificent. The 
 late swelling sail hung lifelessly against the 
 mast ; — the seaman, with folded arms, leaned 
 against the shrouds, lost in that involuntary 
 musing which the sober grandeur of nature 
 commands in the rudest of her children. The
 
 XLwiliQbt on tbe IbuDgon 153 
 
 vast bosom of the Hudson was like an unruffled 
 mirror, reflecting the golden splendor of the 
 heavens, excepting that now and then a bark 
 canoe would steal across its surface, filled with 
 painted savages, whose gay feathers glared 
 brightly as perchance a lingering ray of the 
 setting sun gleamed upon them from the western 
 mountains. 
 
 But when the hour of twilight spread its 
 majestic mists around, then did the face of 
 nature assume a thousand fugitive charms, 
 which to the worthy heart that seeks enjoyment 
 in the glorious works of its Maker are inex- 
 pressibly captivating. The mellow dubious light 
 that prevailed just served to tinge with illusive 
 colors the softened features of the scenery. The 
 deceived but delighted eye sought vainly to 
 discern in the broad masses of shade the separa- 
 ting line between the land and water, or to dis- 
 tinguish the fading objects that seemed sinking 
 into chaos. Now did the busy fancy supply the 
 feebleness of vision, producing with industrious 
 craft a fairy creation of her own. Under her 
 plastic wand the barren rocks frowned upon the 
 watery waste in the semblance of lofty towers 
 and high embattled castles, — trees assumed the 
 direful forms of mighty giants, and the inacces- 
 sible summits of the mountains seemed peopled 
 with a thousand shadowy beings.
 
 154 Distort ot IWew forft 
 
 Now broke forth from the shores the notes of 
 an innumerable variety of insects, which filled 
 the air with a strange but not inharmonious 
 concert, while ever and anon was heard the 
 melancholy plaint of the whippoorwill, who, 
 perched on some lone tree, wearied the ear of 
 night with his incessant moanings. The mind, 
 soothed into a hallowed melancholy, listened 
 with pensive stillness to catch and distinguish 
 each sound that vaguely echoed from the shore, 
 — now and then startled perchance by the 
 whoop of some straggling savage, or by the 
 dreary howl of a wolf, stealing forth upon his 
 nightly prowlings. 
 
 Thus happily did they pursue their course, 
 until they entered upon those awful defiles de- 
 nominated THE HiGHi^ANDS, where it would 
 seem that the gigantic Titans had erst 
 waged their impious war with heaven, piling up 
 cliffs on cliffs, and hurling vast masses of rock 
 in wild confusion. But in sooth very different 
 is the history of these cloud-capt mountains. 
 These in ancient days, before the Hudson poured 
 its waters from the lakes, formed one vast 
 prison, within whose rocky bosom the omnipo- 
 tent Manetho confined the rebellious spirits who 
 repined at his control. Here, bound in adaman- 
 tine chains, or jammed in rifted pines, or crushed 
 by ponderous rocks, they groaned for many an
 
 XLbc 1bi0blanO5 155 
 
 age. At length the conquering Hudson, in its 
 career towards the ocean, burst open their 
 prison-house, rolling its tide triumphantly- 
 through the stupendous ruins. 
 
 Still, however, do many of them lurk about 
 their old abodes ; and these it is, according to 
 venerable legends, that cause the echoes which 
 resound throughout these awful solitudes, — 
 which are nothing but their angry clamors when 
 any noise disturbs the profoundness of their 
 repose. For when the elements are agitated by- 
 tempest, when the winds are up and the thunder 
 rolls, then horrible is the yelling and howling 
 of these troubled spirits, making the moimtains 
 to rebellow with their hideous uproar ; for at 
 such times it is said that they think the great 
 Manetho is returning once more to plunge them 
 in gloomy caverns, and renew their intolerable 
 captivity. 
 
 But all these fair and glorious scenes were 
 lost upon the gallant Stuyvesant ; naught occu- 
 pied his mind but thoughts of iron war, and 
 proud anticipations of hardy deeds of arms. 
 Neither did his honest crew trouble their heads 
 with any romantic speculations of the kind. 
 The pilot at the helm quietly smoked his pipe, 
 thinking of nothing either past, present, or to 
 come ; — those of his comrades who were not in- 
 dustriously smoking under the hatches were
 
 156 t>i0tori2 of IRcvv l^orft 
 
 listening with open mouths to Antony Van 
 ■ Corlear, who, seated on the windlass, was re- 
 lating to them the marvellous history of those 
 myriads of fireflies that sparkled like gems and 
 spangles upon the dusky robe of night. These, 
 according to tradition, were originally a race of 
 pestilent sempitemous beldames, who peopled 
 these parts long before the memory of man, 
 being of that abominated race emphatically 
 called brmtstofies, and who, for their innumer- 
 able sins against the children of men, and to 
 furnish an awful warning to the beauteous sex, 
 were doomed to infest the earth in the shape of 
 these threatening and terrible little bugs, en- 
 during the internal torments of that fire which 
 they formerly carried in their hearts and 
 breathed forth in their words, but now are 
 sentenced to bear about forever — in their tails ! 
 And now I am going to tell a fact, which I 
 doubt much my readers will hesitate to believe ; 
 but if they do they are welcome not to believe 
 a word in this whole history, for nothing which 
 it contains is more true. It must be known 
 then that the nose of Antony the Trumpeter 
 was of a very lusty size, strutting boldly from 
 his countenance like a mountain of Golconda ; 
 being sumptuously bedecked with rubies and 
 other precious stones, — the true regalia of a 
 king of good-fellows, which jolly Bacchus
 
 Bntoni3'6 IRose 157 
 
 grants to all who bouse it heartily at the flagon. 
 Now thus it happened that, bright and early in 
 the morning, the good Antony, having washed 
 his burly visage, was leaning over the quarter- 
 railing of the galley, contemplating it in the 
 glassy wave below. Just at this moment the 
 illustrious sun, breaking in all its splendor 
 from behind a high bluff of the highlands, did 
 dart one of his most potent beams full upon the 
 refulgent nose of the sounder of brass — the 
 reflection of which shot straightway down, 
 hissing-hot, into the water, and killed a mighty 
 sturgeon that was sporting beside the vessel ! 
 This huge monster being with infinite labor 
 hoisted on board, furnished a luxurious repast 
 to all the crew, being accounted of excellent 
 flavor, excepting about the wound, where it 
 smacked a little of brimstone ; and this, on my 
 veracity, was the first time that ever sturgeon 
 was eaten in these parts by Christian people.* 
 
 When this astonishing miracle came to be 
 made known to Peter Stuyvesant, and that he 
 tasted of the unknown fish, he, as may well be 
 supposed, marvelled exceedingly ; and as a 
 monument thereof, he gave the name oi Anto- 
 
 * The learned Hans Megapolensis, treating of the coun- 
 try about Albany, in a letter which was written some time 
 after the settlement, says : " There is in the river great 
 plenty of sturgeon, which we Christians do not make 
 use of, but the Indians eat them greedily."
 
 158 fbistov^ ot Irlew 13ork 
 
 ny^s Nose to a stout promontory in the neigh- 
 borhood ; and it has continued to be called 
 Antony's Nose ever since that time. 
 
 But hold : whither am I wandering ? By the 
 mass, if I attempt to accompany the good Peter 
 Stuyvesant on this voyage, I shall never make 
 an end ; for never was there a voyage so fraught 
 with marvellous incidents, nor a river so 
 abounding with transcendent beauties, worthy 
 of being severally recorded. Even now I have 
 it on the point of my pen to relate how his crew 
 were most horribly frightened, on going on 
 shore above the highlands, by a gang of merry 
 roistering devils, frisking and curveting on a 
 flat rock, which projected into the river, and 
 which is called the DtiyveVs Dafis-Kamer to 
 this very day. But no, Diedrich Knicker- 
 bocker, it becomes thee not to idle thus in thy 
 historic wayfaring. 
 
 Recollect that, while dwelling with the fond 
 garrulity of age over these fairy scenes, en- 
 deared to thee by the recollections of thy youth, 
 and the charms of a thousand legendary tales, 
 which beguiled the simple ear of thy child- 
 hood, — recollect that thou art trifling with 
 those fleeting moments which should be devot- 
 ed to loftier themes. Is not Time — relentless 
 Time ! — shaking, with palsied hand, his almost 
 exhausted hour-glass before thee ? Hasten
 
 protection ot St. IFlfcbolas 159 
 
 then to pursue thy weary task, lest the last 
 sands be run ere thou hast finished thy history 
 of the Manhattoes. 
 
 Let us, then, commit the dauntless Peter, his 
 brave galley, and his loyal crew to the protec- 
 tion of the blessed St. Nicholas, who, I have 
 no doubt, will prosper him in his voyage, while 
 we await his return at the great city of New 
 Amsterdam.
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 DESCRIBING THE POWERFUIv ARMY THAT AS- 
 SEMBI^ED AT THE CITY OE NEW AMSTER- 
 DAM—TOGETHER WITH THE INTERVIEW 
 BETWEEN PETER THE HEADSTRONG AND 
 GENERAE VAN POFFENBURGH, AND PETER'S 
 SENTIMENTS TOUCHING UNFORTUNATE GREAT 
 MEN. 
 
 WHIIvB thus the enterprising Peter was 
 coasting, with flowing sail, up the 
 shores of the lordly Hudson, and arousing all 
 the phlegmatic little Dutch settlements upon 
 its borders, a great and puissant concourse of 
 warriors was assembling at the city of New 
 Amsterdam. And here that invaluable frag- 
 ment of antiquity, the Stuyvesant manuscript, 
 is more than commonly particular ; by which 
 means I am enabled to record the illustrious 
 host that encamped itself in the public square 
 in front of the fort, at present denominated the 
 Bowling Green. 
 
 In the centre, then, was pitched the tent of
 
 IDaKant SolOlers i6i 
 
 the men of battle of the Manhattoes, who, 
 being the inmates of the metropolis, composed 
 the lifeguards of the governor. These were 
 commanded by the valiant Stoffel Brinker- 
 hoof, who whilom had acquired such immortal 
 fame at Oyster Bay ; they displayed as a stand- 
 ard a beaver rampant on a field of orange, 
 being the arms of the province, and denoting 
 the persevering industry and the amphibious 
 origin of the Nederlanders.* 
 
 On their right hand might be seen the vassals 
 of that renowned Mynheer, Michael Paw,t who 
 lorded it over the fair regions of ancient Pavo- 
 nia, and the lands away south even unto the 
 Navesink Mountains,]: and was, moreover, pa- 
 troon of Gibbet Island. His standard was borne 
 by his trusty squire, Cornelius Van Vorst, con- 
 sisting of a huge oyster recumbent upon a sea- 
 green field, being the armorial bearings of his 
 
 * This was likewise the g^reat seal of the New Nether- 
 lands, as may still be seen in ancient records 
 
 t Besides what is related in the Stuyvesant MS., I have 
 found mention made of this illustrious patroon in an- 
 other manuscript, which says : " De Heer (or the squire) 
 Michael Paw, a Dutch subject, about loth Aug., 1630, by 
 deed purchased Staten Island. N. B. — The same Michael 
 Paw had what the Dutch called a colonic at Pavonia, on 
 the Jersey shore, opposite New York, and his overseer 
 in 1636 was named Corns. Van Vorst, a person of the 
 same name, in 1769, owned Pawles Hook, and a large 
 farm at Pavonia, and is a lineal descendant from Van 
 Vorst." 
 
 \ So called from the Navesink tribe of Indians that in- 
 habited these parts. At present they are erroneously 
 denominated the Neversink or Neversunk Mountains.
 
 i62 1bf6tori5 of IRcw l^ork 
 
 favorite metropolis, Communipaw. He brought 
 to the camp a stout force of warriors, heavily 
 armed, being each clad in ten pair of linsey- 
 woolsey breeches, and overshadowed by broad- 
 brimmed beavers, with short pipes twisted in 
 their hat-bands. These were the men who 
 vegetated in the mud along the shores of Pavo- 
 nia, being of the race of genuine copperheads, 
 and were fabled to have sprung from oysters. 
 
 At a little distance was encamped the tribe of 
 warriors who came from the neighborhood of 
 Hell-gate. These were commanded by the Suy 
 Dams, and the Van Dams, — incontinent hard 
 swearers, as their names betoken. They were 
 terrible-looking fellows, clad in broad-skirted 
 gaberdines of that curious-colored cloth called 
 thunder and lightning, — and bore as a standard 
 three Devil's darning-needles, volant^ in a flame- 
 colored field. 
 
 Hard by was the tent of the men of battle 
 from the marshy borders of the Waale-Boght* 
 and the country thereabouts. These were of a 
 sour aspect, by reason that they lived on crabs, 
 which abound in these parts. They were the 
 first institutors of that honorable order of knight- 
 hood called Fly-market shirks, and, if tradition 
 speak true, did likewise introduce the far-famed 
 
 * Since corrupted into the Wallabout ; the bay where 
 the Navy Yard is situated.
 
 Stugvesant's Brmg 1^3 
 
 step in dancing called "double trouble." They 
 were commanded by the fearless Jacobus Varra 
 Vanger, — and had, moreover, a jolly band of 
 Breuckelen* ferry-men, who performed a brave 
 concerto on conch shells. 
 
 But I refrain from pursuing this minute de- 
 scription, which goes on to describe the war- 
 riors of Bloemen-dael, and Weehawk, and Ho- 
 boken, and sundry other places well known in 
 history and song ; for now do the notes of mar- 
 tial music alarm the people of New Amsterdam, 
 soimdingafar from beyond the walls of the city. 
 But this alarm was in a little while relieved, for 
 lo ! from the midst of a vast cloud of dust they 
 recognized the brimstone-colored breeches and 
 splendid silver leg of Peter Stuyvesant, glaring 
 in the sunbeams, and beheld him approaching 
 at the head of a formidable army, which he had 
 mustered along the banks of the Hudson. And 
 here the excellent but anonymous writer of the 
 Stuyvesant manuscript breaks out into a brave 
 and glorious description of the forces as they 
 defiled through the principal gate of the city, 
 that stood by the head of Wall Street. 
 
 First of all came the Van Bummels, who in- 
 habit the pleasant borders of the Bronx ; these 
 were short, fat men, wearing exceeding large 
 trunk-breeches, and were renowned for feats of 
 
 ♦Now spelt Brooklyn.
 
 i64 1bi0tori2 ot IWew l^orft 
 
 the trencher ; they were the first inventors of 
 suppawn, or mush and milk. Close in their 
 rear marched the Van Vlotens, of Kaatskill, 
 horrible quaffers of new cider, and arrant brag- 
 garts in their liquor. After them came the Van 
 Pelts, of Groodt Esopus, dexterous horsemen, 
 mounted upon goodly switch-tailed steeds of 
 the Esopus breed ; these were mighty hunters 
 of minks and musk-rats, whence came the word 
 Peltry. Then the Van Nests, of Kinderhoeck, 
 valiant robbers of birds'-nests, as their name 
 denotes ; to these, if report may be believed, 
 are we indebted for the invention of slap-jacks, 
 or buckwheat cakes. Then the Van Higgin- 
 bottoms, of Wapping's Creek; these came 
 armed with ferules and birchen rods, being a 
 race of schoolmasters who first discovered the 
 marvellous sympathy between the seat of honor 
 and the seat of intellect, — and that the shortest 
 way to get knowledge into the head was to 
 hammer it into the bottom. Then the Van 
 Grolls, of Antony's Nose, who carried their 
 liquor in fair round little pottles, by reason 
 they could not bouse it out of their canteens, 
 having such rare long noses. Then the Garden- 
 iers, of Hudson and thereabouts, distinguished 
 by many triumphant feats, such as robbing 
 watermelon patches, smoking rabbits out of 
 their holes, and the like, and by being great
 
 Zbc •RnfcftcrbocFiers 165 
 
 lovers of roasted pigs' tails ; these were the 
 ancestors of the renowned Congressman of that 
 name. Then the Van Hoesens, of Sing-Sing, 
 great choristers and players upon the jews-harp ; 
 these marched two and two, singing the great 
 song of St. Nicholas. Then the Couenhovens, 
 of Sleepy Hollow ; these gave birth to a jolly 
 race of publicans, who first discovered the magic 
 artifice of conjuring a quart of wine into a pint 
 bottle. Then the Van Kortlandts, who lived on 
 the wild banks of the Croton, and were great 
 killers of wild ducks, being much spoken of fa 
 their skill in shooting with the long bow. Then 
 the Van Bunschotens, of Nyack and Kakiat, 
 who were the first that ever did kick with the 
 left foot ; they were gallant bushwhackers and 
 hunters of raccoons by moonlight. Then the 
 Van Winkles, of Haerlem, potent suckers of 
 eggs, and noted for running of horses, and run- 
 ning up of scores at taverns ; they were the 
 first that ever winked with both eyes at once. 
 Lastly came the Knickerbockers, of the great 
 town of Scaghtikoke, where the folk lay stones 
 upon the houses in windy weather lest they 
 should be blown away ; these derive their 
 name, as some say, from K7iicker, to shake, and 
 Beker^ a goblet, indicating thereby that they 
 were sturdy toss-pots of yore, but, in truth, it 
 was derived from Knicker, to nod, and Boeken^
 
 i66 Ibfstori? ot mew forft 
 
 "books, plainly meaning that they were great 
 nodders or dozers over books ; from them did 
 descend the writer of this history. 
 
 Such was the legion of sturdy bush-beaters 
 that poured in at the grand gate of New Am- 
 sterdam. The Stuyvesant manuscript indeed 
 speaks of many more, whose names I omit to 
 mention, seeing that it behooves me to hasten 
 to matters of greater moment. Nothing could 
 surpass the joy and martial pride of the lion- 
 hearted Peter as he reviewed this mighty host 
 of warriors, and he determined no longer to 
 defer the gratification of his much-wished-for 
 revenge upon the scoundrel Swedes at Fort 
 Casimir. 
 
 But before I hasten to record those unmatch- 
 able events which will be found in the sequel 
 of this faithful history, let me pause to notice 
 the fate of Jacobus Van Pofifenburgh, the dis- 
 comfited commander-in-chief of the armies of 
 the New Nederlands. Such is the inherent un- 
 charitableness of human nature, that scarcely 
 did the news become public of his deplorable 
 discomfiture at Fort Casimir, than a thousand 
 scurvy rumors were set afloat in New Amster- 
 dam, wherein it was insinuated that he had in 
 reality a treacherous understanding with the 
 Swedish commander ; that he had long been in 
 the practice of privately communicating with
 
 Dan l^otfenburab's XiteQuarO 167 
 
 the Swedes, together with divers hints about 
 "secret-service money." To all which deadly- 
 charges I do not give a jot more credit than I 
 think they deserve. 
 
 Certain it is, that the general vindicated his 
 character by the most vehement oaths and pro- 
 testations, and put every man out of the ranks 
 of honor who dared to doubt his integrity. 
 Moreover, on returning to New Amsterdam he 
 paraded up and down the streets with a crew of 
 hard swearers at his heels, — sturdy bottle-com- 
 panions, whom he gorged and fattened, and 
 who were ready to bolster him through all the 
 courts of justice, — heroes of his own kidney, 
 fierce -whiskered, broad-shouldered, colbrand- 
 looking swaggerers, — not one of whom but 
 looked as though he could eat up an ox, and 
 pick his teeth with the horns. These lifeguard 
 men quarrelled all his quarrels, were ready to 
 fight all his battles, and scowled at every man 
 that turned up his nose at the general, as 
 though they M'ould devour him alive. Their 
 conversation was interspersed with oaths like 
 minute-guns, and every bombastic rhodomon- 
 tade was rounded off by a thundering execra- 
 tion, like a patriotic toast honored with a dis- 
 charge of artiller}\ 
 
 All these valorous vaporings had a consider- 
 erable efiect in convincing certain profound
 
 i68 Ibietori? of mew l^orft 
 
 sages, who began to think the general a hero 
 ' of unmatchable loftiness and magnanimity of 
 soul, particularly as he was continually protest- 
 ing on the honor of a soldier, — a marvellously 
 high-sounding asseveration. Nay, one of the 
 members of the council went so far as to pro- 
 pose they should immortalize him by an im- 
 perishable statue of plaster of Paris. 
 
 But the vigilant Peter the Headstrong was 
 not thus to be deceived. Sending privately for 
 the commander-in-chief of all the armies, and 
 having heard all his story, garnished with the 
 customary pious oaths, protestations, and ejacu- 
 lations, — "Harkee, comrade, "said he, "though 
 by your own account you are the most brave, 
 upright, and honorable man in the whole prov- 
 ince, yet do you lie under the misfortune of 
 being damnably traduced, and immeasurably 
 despised. Now, though it is certainly hard to 
 punish a man for his misfortunes, and though 
 it is very possible you are totally innocent of 
 the crimes laid to your charge, yet as heaven, 
 doubtless for some wise purpose, sees fit at 
 present to withhold all proofs of your inno- 
 cence, far be it from me to counteract its sov- 
 ereign will. Besides, I cannot consent to ven- 
 ture my armies with a commander whom they 
 despise, nor to trust the welfare of my people to 
 a champion whom they distrust. Retire, there-
 
 •mntortunatc (5rcat /Ibcn 
 
 :69 
 
 fore, my friend, from the irksome toils and 
 cares of public life, with this comforting reflec- 
 tion that, if guilty, you are but enjoying your 
 just reward, and, if innocent, you are not the 
 first great and good man who has most wrong- 
 fully been slandered and maltreated in this 
 wicked world, — doubtless to be better treated in 
 a better world, where there shall be neither 
 error, calumny, nor persecution. In the mean- 
 time let me never see your face again, for I 
 have a horrible antipathy to the countenances 
 of unfortune great men like yourself"
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 IN WHICH THE AUTHOR DISCOURSES VERY 
 INGENIOUSLY OF HIMSEI^F — AFTER WHICH IS 
 TO BE FOUND MUCH INTERESTING HISTORY 
 ABOUT PETER THE HEADSTRONG AND HIS 
 FOI^IvOWERS. 
 
 AS my readers and myself are about entering 
 on as many perils as ever a confederacy 
 of meddlesome knights-errant wilfully ran their 
 heads into, it is meet that, like those hardy 
 adventurers, we should join hands, bury all dif- 
 ferences, and swear to stand by one another, in 
 weal or woe, to the end of the enterprise. My 
 readers must doubtless perceive how completely 
 I have altered my tone and deportment since 
 we first set out together. I warrant they then 
 thought me a crabbed, cynical, impertinent lit- 
 tle son of a Dutchman ; for I scarcely gave them 
 a civil word, nor so much as touched my beaver 
 when I had occasion to address them. But as
 
 Cbc autbor's Wiilce 171 
 
 •we jogged along together on the high road of 
 tny history, I gradually began to relax, to grow 
 more courteous, and occasionally to enter into 
 familiar discourse, until at length I came to 
 conceive a most social, companionable kind of 
 regard for them. This is just my way ; I am 
 always a little cold and reserved at first, partic- 
 ularly to people whom I neither know nor care 
 for, and am only to be completely won by long 
 intimacy. 
 
 Besides, why should I have been sociable to 
 the crowd of how-d'ye-do acquaintances that 
 flocked around me at my first appearance ? 
 Many were merely attracted by a new face, 
 and having stared me full in the title-page, 
 walked off without saying a word ; while others 
 lingered yawningly through the preface, and, 
 having gratified their short-lived curiosity, soon 
 dropped off one by one. But, more especially 
 to try their mettle, I had recourse to an expedi- 
 ent similar to one which we are told was used 
 by that peerless flower of chivalry. King Ar- 
 thur, who, before he admitted any knight to 
 his intimacy, first required that he should shew 
 himself superior to danger or hardships, by 
 encountering unheard-of mishaps, slaying some 
 dozen giants, vanquishing wicked enchanters, 
 not to say a word of dwarfs, hippogrifis, and 
 fiery dragons. On a similar principle did I
 
 172 "fclstorg of nacw l^orft 
 
 cunningly lead my readers, at the first sally, 
 into two or three knotty chapters, where they 
 were most wofully belabored and buffeted by a 
 host of pagan philosophers and infidel writers. 
 Though naturally a very grave man, yet could 
 I scarcely refrain from smiling outright at see- 
 ing the utter confusion and dismay of my 
 valiant cavaliers. Some dropped dowm dead 
 (asleep) on the field, others threw down my 
 book in the middle of the first chapter, took to 
 their heels, and never ceased scampering until 
 they had fairly run it out of sight, when they 
 stopped to take breath to tell their friends what 
 troubles they had undergone, and to warn all 
 others from venturing on so thankless an ex- 
 pedition. Every page thinned my ranks more 
 and more, and of the vast multitude that first 
 set out, but a comparatively few made shift to 
 survive, in exceedingly battered condition, 
 through the five introductory chapters. 
 
 What, then ! w^ould you have had me take 
 such sunshine, faint-hearted recreants to my 
 bosom at our first acquaintance? No, no; I 
 reserved my friendship for those who deserved 
 it, for those who undauntedly bore me com- 
 pany, in despite of difficulties, dangers, and 
 fatigues. And now, as to those who adhere to 
 me at present, I take them afilectionately by 
 the hand. Worthy and thrice-beloved readers,
 
 ^be Brms Bmbarfts 173 
 
 brave and well-tried comrades, who have faith- 
 fully followed my footsteps through all my 
 wanderings, I salute you from my heart, I 
 pledge myself to stand by you to the last, and 
 to conduct you (so heaven speed this trusty 
 weapon which I now hold between my fingers) 
 triumphantly to the end of this our stupendous 
 undertaking. 
 
 But hark ! while we are thus talking, the city 
 of New Amsterdam is in a bustle. The host of 
 warriors encamped in the Bowling Green are 
 striking their tents ; the brazen trumpet of An- 
 tony Van Corlear makes the welkin to resound 
 with portentous clangor ; the drums beat ; the 
 standards of the Manhattoes, of Hell-gate, and 
 of Michael Paw, wave proudly in the air. And 
 now behold where the mariners are busily 
 employed hoisting the sails of yon topsail 
 schooner, and those clump-built sloops, which 
 are to waft the army of the Nederlanders to 
 gather immortal honors on the Delaware ! 
 
 The entire population of the city, man, wom- 
 an, and child, turned out to behold the chivalry 
 of New Amsterdam, as it paraded the streets 
 previous to embarkation. Many a handker- 
 chief was waved out of the windows ; many a 
 fair nose was blown in melodious sorrow on the 
 mournful occasion. The grief of the fair dames 
 and beauteous damsels of Granada could not
 
 174 l)l6tori5 of Bew l^orft 
 
 have been more vociferous on the banishment 
 of the gallant tribe of Abencerrages, than was 
 that of the kind-hearted fair ones of New Am- 
 sterdam on the departure of their intrepid 
 warriors. Bvery lovesick maiden fondly 
 crammed the pockets of her hero with ginger- 
 bread and doughnuts ; many a copper ring was 
 exchanged, and crooked sixpence broken, in 
 pledge of eternal constancy ; and there remain 
 extant to this day some love verses written on 
 that occasion, sufficiently crabbed and incom- 
 prehensible to confound the whole universe. 
 
 But it was a moving sight to see the buxom 
 lasses, how they hung about the doughty An- 
 tony Van Corlear, — for he was a jolly, rosy- 
 faced, lusty bachelor, fond of his joke, and 
 withal, a desperate rogue among the women. 
 Fain would they have kept him to comfort 
 them while the army was away ; for, besides 
 what I have said of him, it is no more than jus- 
 tice to add, that he was a kind-hearted soul, 
 noted for his benevolent attentions in comfort- 
 ing disconsolate wives during the absence of 
 their husbands ; and this made him to be very 
 much regarded by the honest burghers of the 
 city. But nothing could keep the valiant An- 
 tony from following the heels of the old gover- 
 nor, whom he loved as he did his very soul ; 
 so, embracing all the young vrouws, and giving
 
 popularits ot tbe (5ovcrnoc 175 
 
 every one of them that had good teeth and rosy 
 lips a dozen hearty smacks, he departed, loaded 
 with their kind wishes. 
 
 Nor was the departure of the gallant Peter 
 among the least causes of public distress. 
 Though the old governor was by no means in- 
 dulgent to the follies and waywardness of his 
 subjects, yet somehow or other he had become 
 strangely popular among the people. There 
 is something so captivating in personal bravery, 
 that, with the common mass of mankind, it 
 takes the lead of most other merits. The sim- 
 ple folk of New Amsterdam looked upon Peter 
 Stuyvesant as a prodigy of valor. His wooden 
 leg, that trophy of his martial encounters, was 
 regarded with reverence and admiration. Every 
 old burgher had a budget of miraculous stories 
 to tell about the exploits of Hardkoppig Piet, 
 wherewith he regaled his children of a long 
 winter night, and on which he dwelt with as 
 much delight and exaggeration as do our hon- 
 est country yeomen on the hardy adventures 
 of old General Putnam (or, as he is familiarly 
 termed. Old Put), during our glorious Revolu- 
 tion. Not an individual but verily believed the 
 old governor was a match for Beelzebub him- 
 self; and there was even a story told, with 
 great mystery and under the rose, of his having 
 shot the Devil with a silver bullet one dark,
 
 176 Ibistor^ of IFlew l^orft 
 
 stormy night, as lie was sailing in a canoe 
 through Hell-gate, but this I do not record as 
 being an absolute fact. Perish the man who 
 would let fall a word to discolor the pure stream 
 of history ! 
 
 Certain it is, not an old woman in New Am- 
 sterdam but considered Peter Stuyvesant as a 
 tower of strength, and rested satisfied that the 
 public welfare was secure so long as he was in 
 the city. It is not surprising, then, that they 
 looked upon his departure as a sore affliction. 
 With heavy hearts they draggled at the heels of 
 his troop, as they marched down to the river- 
 side to embark. The governor, from the stem 
 of his schooner, gave a short but truly patri- 
 archal address to his citizens, wherein he rec- 
 ommended them to comport like loyal and 
 peaceable subjects, — to go to church regularly 
 on Sundays, and to mind their business all the 
 week besides. That the women should be duti- 
 ful and aflfectionate to their husbands, — looking 
 after nobody's concerns but their own, — eschew- 
 ing all gossipiugs and morning gaddings, — and 
 carrying short tongues and long petticoats. 
 That the men should abstain from intermeddling 
 in public concerns, intrusting the cares of gov- 
 ernment to the officers appointed to support 
 them, — staying at home, like good citizens, 
 making money for themselves, and getting
 
 ^be (3overnor*6 BDDrcss 177 
 
 children for the benefit of their country. That 
 the burgomasters should look well to the public 
 interest, — not oppressing the poor nor indulging 
 the rich, — not tasking their ingenuity to devise 
 new laws, but faithfully enforcing those which 
 were already made, — rather bending their atten- 
 tion to prevent evil than to punish it ; ever rec- 
 ollecting that civil magistrates should consider 
 themselves more as guardians of public morals 
 than rat-catchers employed to entrap public 
 delinquents. Finally, he exhorted them, one 
 and all, high and low, rich and poor, to conduct 
 themselves as well as they could^ assuring them 
 that if they faithfully and conscientiously com- 
 plied with his golden rule, there was no danger 
 but that they would all conduct themselves well 
 enough. This done, he gave them a paternal 
 benediction, the sturdy Antony sounded a most 
 loving farewell with his trumpet, the jolly crews 
 put up a shout of triumph, and the in\dncible 
 armada swept oflf proudly down the bay. 
 
 The good people of New Amsterdam crowded 
 down to the Battery, — that blest resort, from 
 whence so many a tender prayer has been 
 wafted, so many a fair hand waved, so many a 
 tearful look been cast by lovesick damsel, after 
 the lessening bark bearing her adventm-ous 
 swain to distant climes ! Here the populace 
 watched with straining eyes the gallant squad-
 
 178 Ibistorg of nacw l^orft 
 
 ron, as it slowly floated down the bay, and 
 when the intervening land at the Narrows shut 
 it from their sight, gradually dispersed with 
 silent tongues and downcast countenances. 
 
 A heavy gloom hung over the late bustling 
 city : the honest burghers smoked their pipes in 
 profound thoughtfulness, casting many a wist- 
 ful look to the weathercock on the church of 
 St. Nicholas ; and all the old women, having no 
 longer the presence of Peter Stuyvesant to 
 hearten them, gathered their children home, 
 and barricaded the doors and windows every 
 evening at sundown. 
 
 In the meanwhile the armada of the sturdy 
 Peter proceeded prosperously on its voyage ; 
 and after encountering about as many storms, 
 and water-spouts, and whales, and other horrors 
 and phenomena as generally befall adventurous 
 landsmen in perilous voyages of the kind, and 
 after undergoing a severe scouring from that 
 deplorable and unpitied malady called seasick- 
 ness, the whole squadron arrived safely in the 
 Delaware. 
 
 Without so much as dropping anchor and 
 giving his wearied ships time to breathe, after 
 laboring so long on the ocean, the intrepid 
 Peter pursued his course up the Delaware, and 
 made a sudden appearance before FortCasimir. 
 Having summoned the astonished garrison by a
 
 XLbc Btm(6tlce IRcjecteD 179 
 
 terrific blast from the trumpet of the long- 
 winded Van Corlear, he demanded, in a tone of 
 thunder, an instant surrender of the fort. To 
 this demand, Suen Skytte, the wind-dried com- 
 mandant, replied, in a shrill, whiffling voice, 
 which, by reason of his extreme spareness, 
 sounded like the wind whistling through a 
 broken bellows, that he had no very strong 
 reason for refusing, except that the demand was 
 particularly disagreeable, as he had been ordered 
 to maintain his post to the last extremity. He 
 requested time, therefore, to consult with Gov- 
 ernor Risingh, and proposed a truce for that 
 purpose. 
 
 The choleric Peter, indignant at having his 
 rightful fort so treacherously taken from him, 
 and thus pertinaciously withheld, refused the 
 proposed armistice, and swore by the pipe of 
 St. Nicholas, which, like the sacred fire, was 
 never extinguished, that unless the fort were 
 surrendered in ten minutes, he would incon- 
 tinently storm the works, make all the garrison 
 run the gauntlet, and split their scoundrel of a 
 commander like a pickled shad. To give this 
 menace the greater effect, he drew forth his 
 trusty sword, and shook it at them with such a 
 fierce and vigorous motion, that doubtless, if it 
 had not been exceeding rusty, it would have 
 lightened terror into the eyes and hearts of the
 
 i8o 1bl6tor^ ot IRcvv l^orft 
 
 enemy. He then ordered his men to bring a 
 broadside to bear upon the fort, consisting of 
 two swivels, three muskets, a long duck fowling- 
 piece, and two brace of horse-pistols. 
 
 In the meantime the sturdy Van Corlear mar- 
 shalled all the forces, and commenced his war- 
 like operations. Distending his cheeks like a 
 very Boreas, he kept up a most horrific twang- 
 ing of his trumpet, — the lusty choristers of 
 Sing-Sing broke forth into a hideous song of 
 battle, — the warriors of Breuckelen and the 
 Wallabout blew a potent and astonishing blast 
 on their conch shells, — altogether forming as 
 outrageous a concerto as though five thousand 
 French fiddlers were displaying their skill in a 
 modern overture. 
 
 Whether the formidable front of war thus 
 suddenly presented smote the garrison with sore 
 dismay, — or whether the concluding terms of 
 the summons, which mentioned that he should 
 surrender "at discretion," were mistaken by 
 Suen Skytte, who, though a Swede, was a very 
 considerate, easy-tempered man, as a compli- 
 ment to his discretion, I will not take upon me 
 to say ; certain it is he found it impossible to 
 resist so courteous a demand. Accordingly, 
 in the very nick of time, just as the cabin-boy 
 had gone after a coal of fire to discharge the 
 swivel, a chamade was beat on the rampart by
 
 Surrender of tbc ffoit iSi 
 
 the only drum in the garrison, to the no small 
 satisfaction of both parties, who, notwithstand- 
 ing their great stomach for fighting, had full as 
 good an inclination to eat a quiet dinner as to 
 exchange black eyes and bloody noses. 
 
 Thus did this impregnable fortress once more 
 return to the domination of their High Mighti- 
 nesses. Skytte and his garrison of twenty men 
 were allowed to march out with the honors of 
 war ; and the victorious Peter, who was as gen- 
 erous as brave, permitted them to keep posses- 
 sion of all their arms and ammunition, — the 
 same on inspection being found totally unfit for 
 service, having long rusted in the magazine of 
 the fortress, even before it was wrested by the 
 Swedes from the windy Van Poffenburgh, But 
 I must not omit to mention that the governor 
 was so well pleased with the service of his faith- 
 ful squire, Van Corlear, in the reduction of this 
 great fortress, that he made him on the spot 
 lord of a goodly domain in the vicinity of New 
 Amsterdam, — which goes by the name of Cor- 
 lear's Hook unto this very day. 
 
 The unexampled liberality of Peter Stuyve- 
 sant towards the Swedes, occasioned great sur- 
 prise in the city of New Amsterdam, — nay, cer- 
 tain factious iudix-iduals, w^ho had been enlight- 
 ened by political meetings in the days of William 
 the Testy, but who had not dared to indulge
 
 i82 Ibiators ot IRcw l^ork 
 
 their meddlesome habits under the eye of their 
 present ruler, now, emboldened by his absence, 
 gave vent to their censures in the street. Mur- 
 murs were heard in the very council-chamber 
 of New Amsterdam ; and there is no knowing 
 whether they might not have broken out into 
 downright speeches and invectives, had not 
 Peter Stuyvesant privately sent home his walk- 
 ing-staff, to be laid as a mace on the table of the 
 council-chamber, in the midst of his council- 
 lors ; who, like wise men, took the hint, and 
 forever after held their peace.
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 SHOWING THE GREAT ADVANTAGE THAT THE 
 AUTHOR HAS OVER HIS READER IN TIME OF 
 BATTI^E — TOGETHER WITH DIVERS PORTEN- 
 TOUS MOVEMENTS, WHICH BETOKEN THAT 
 SOMETHING TERRIBLE IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN. 
 
 LIKE as a mighty alderman, when at a cor- 
 poration feast the first spoonful of turtle- 
 soup salutes his palate, feels his appetite but 
 tenfold quickened, and redoubles his vigorous 
 attacks upon the tureen, while his projecting 
 eyes roll greedily round, devouring every thing 
 at table, so did the mettlesome Peter Stuy vesant 
 feel that hunger for martial glory, which raged 
 within his bowels, inflamed by the capture of 
 Fort Casimir, and nothing could allay it but the 
 conquest of all New Sweden. No sooner, there- 
 fore, had he secured his conquest than he 
 stumped resolutely on, flushed with success, to 
 gather fresh laurels at Fort Christina.* 
 
 *At present a flourishing town, called Christiana, or 
 Chrifiteen, about thirty-seven miles from Philadelphia, on 
 the post-road to Baltimore.
 
 i84 Ibistorg ot Bew lorfi 
 
 This was the grand Swedish post, established 
 on a small river (or, as it is improperly termed, 
 creek) of the same name : and here that crafty- 
 governor, Jan Risingh, lay grimly drawn up, like 
 a gray-bearded spider in the citadel of his web. 
 
 But before we hurry into the direful scenes 
 which must attend the meeting of two such po- 
 tent chieftains, it is advisable to pause for a 
 moment, and hold a kind of warlike council. 
 Battles should not be rushed into precipitately 
 by the historian and his readers, any more than 
 by the general and his soldiers. The great 
 commanders of antiquity never engaged the 
 enemy without previously preparing the minds 
 of their followers by animating harangues, spir- 
 iting them up to heroic deeds, assuring them of 
 the protection of the gods, and inspiring them 
 with a confidence of the prowess of their leaders. 
 So the historian should awaken the attention 
 and enlist the passions of his readers ; and hav- 
 ing set them all on fire with the importance of 
 his subject, he should put himself at their head, 
 flourish his pen, and lead them on to the thick- 
 est of the fight. 
 
 An illustrious example of this rule may be 
 seen in that mirror of historians, the immortal 
 Thucydides. Having arrived at the breaking 
 out of the Peloponnesian war, one of his com- 
 mentators observes that " he sounds the charge
 
 BDvanta^e of tbe Ibistorian 185 
 
 in all the disposition and spirit of Homer. He 
 catalogues tbe allies on both sides. He awak- 
 ens our expectations, and fast engages our atten- 
 tion. All mankind are concerned in the im- 
 portant point now going to be decided. En- 
 deavors are made to disclose futurity. Heaven 
 itself is interested in the dispute. The earth 
 totters, and nature seems to labor with the great 
 event. This is his solemn, sublime manner of 
 setting out. Thus he magnifies a war between 
 two, as Rapin styles them, petty states ; and 
 thus artfully he supports a little subject by 
 treating it in a great and noble method." 
 
 In like manner, having conducted my readers 
 into the very teeth of peril, — having followed 
 the adventurous Peter and his band into foreign 
 regions, surrounded by foes, and stunned by the 
 horrid din of arms, — at this important moment, 
 while darkness and doubt hang o'er each coming 
 chapter, I hold it meet to harangue them, and 
 prepare them for the events that are to follow. 
 
 And here I would premise one great advan- 
 tage which, as historian, I possess over my 
 reader ; and this it is, that, though I cannot save 
 the life of my favorite hero, nor absolutely con- 
 tradict the event of a battle (both which liber- 
 ties, though often taken by the French writers 
 of the present reign, I hold to be utterly un- 
 worthy of a scrupulous historian), yet I can now
 
 i86 Iblstors of IFlew l^orft 
 
 .and tlien make him bestow on his enemy a 
 sturdy back-stroke sufficient to fell a giant, — 
 though, in honest truth, he may never have 
 done any thing of the kind ; or I can drive his 
 antagonist clear round and round the field, as 
 did Homer make that fine fellow Hector scamper 
 like a poltroon round the walls of Troy ; for 
 which, if ever they have encountered one an- 
 other in the Elysian fields, I '11 warrant the 
 prince of poets has had to make the most hum- 
 ble apology. 
 
 I am aware that many conscientious readers 
 will be ready to cry out "foul play ! " whenever 
 I render a little assistance to my hero, but I 
 consider it one of those privileges exercised by 
 historians of all ages, and one which has never 
 been disputed. An historian is, in fact, as it 
 were, bound in honor to stand by his hero ; the 
 fame of the latter is entrusted to his hands, and 
 it is his duty to do the best by it he can. Never 
 was there a general, an admiral, or any other 
 commander, who, in giving account of any 
 battle he had fought, did not sorely belabor the 
 enemy ; and I have no doubt that had my heroes 
 written the history of their own achievements, 
 they would have dealt much harder blows than 
 any that I shall recount. Standing forth, there- 
 fore, as the guardian of their fame, it behooves 
 me to do them the same justice they would have
 
 ^expectation J6jcite& 187 
 
 done themselves ; and if I happen to be a little 
 hard upon the Swedes, I give free leave to any 
 of their descendants, who may write a story of 
 the State of Delaware, to take fair retaliation, 
 and belabor Peter Stuyvesant as hard as they 
 please. 
 
 Therefore stand by for broken heads and 
 bloody noses ! My pen hath long itched for a 
 battle ; siege after siege have I carried on with- 
 out blows or bloodshed ; but now I have at 
 length got a chance, and I vow to Heaven and 
 St. Nicholas, that let tlie chronicles of the times 
 say what they please, neither Sallust, Livy, 
 Tacitus, Polybius, nor any other historian, did 
 ever record a fiercer fight than that in which my 
 valiant chieftains are now about to engage. 
 
 And you, O most excellent readers, whom, 
 for your faithful adherence, I could cherish in 
 the warmest comer of my heart, be not uneasy, 
 — trust the fate of our favorite Stuyvesant with 
 me, for by the rood, come what may, I '11 stick 
 by Hardkoppig Piet to the last. I '11 make him 
 drive about these losels vile, as did the renowned 
 Launcelot of the Lake a herd of recreant Cor- 
 nish knights ; and if he does fall, let me never 
 draw my pen to fight another battle in behalf of 
 a brave man, if I don't make these lubberly 
 Swedes pay for it ! 
 
 No sooner had Peter Stuyvesant arrived at
 
 i88 1b(0tori2 of 1Rcw l^orft 
 
 Fort Christina, than he proceeded without delay 
 to intrench himself, and immediately on run- 
 ning his first parallel, dispatched Antony Van 
 Corlear to summon the fortress to surrender. 
 Van Corlear was received with all due formality, 
 hoodwinked at the portal, and conducted 
 through a pestiferous smell of salt fish and 
 onions to the citadel, a substantial hut built of 
 pine logs. His eyes were here uncovered, and 
 he found himself in the august presence of 
 Governor Risingh. This chieftain, as I have 
 before noted, was a very giantly man, and was 
 clad in a coarse blue coat, strapped round the 
 waist with a leathern belt, which caused the 
 enormous skirts and pockets to set off with a 
 very warlike sweep. His ponderous legs were 
 cased in a pair of foxy-colored jack-boots, and he 
 was straddling in the attitude of the Colossus 
 of Rhodes before a bit of broken looking-glass, 
 shaving himself with a villainously dull razor. 
 This afflicting operation caused him to make a 
 series of horrible grimaces, which heightened 
 exceedingly the grisly terrors of his visage. On 
 Antony Van Corlear's being announced, the 
 grim commander paused for a moment in the 
 midst of one of his most hard-favored contor- 
 tions, and after eying him askance over the 
 shoulder, with a kind of snarling grin on his 
 countenance, resumed his labors at the glass.
 
 Visingb'e Defiance 1B9 
 
 This Iron harvest being reaped, he turned once 
 more to the trumpeter, and demanded the pur- 
 port of his errand. Antony Van Corlear de- 
 livered in a few words, being a kind of short-hand 
 speaker, a long message from his Excellency, 
 recounting the whole history of the province, 
 with a recapitulation of grievances, and enu- 
 meration of claims, and concluding with a 
 peremptory demand of instant surrender ; which 
 done, he turned aside, took his nose between his 
 thumb and fingers and blew a tremendous blast, 
 not unlike the flourish of a trumpet of defiance, 
 — which it had doubtless learned from a long 
 and intimate neighborhood with that melodious 
 instrument 
 
 Governor Risingh heard him through, trump- 
 et and all, but with infinite impatience, — leaning 
 at times, as was his usual custom, on the pommel 
 of his sword, and at times twirling a huge steel 
 watch-chain, or snapping his fingers. Van Cor- 
 lear having finished, he bluntly replied that 
 Peter Stuyvesant and his summons might go to 
 the d — 1, whither he hoped to send him and his 
 crew of ragamufl&ns before supper-time. Then 
 unsheathing his brass-hilted sword, and throw- 
 ing away the scabbard, — '* 'Fore gad," quod he, 
 " but I will not sheath thee again until I make 
 a scabbard of the smoke-dried leathern hide of 
 this runagate Dutchman." Then having flung
 
 igo l)i0tor^ of Bew l^ork 
 
 a fierce defiance in the teeth of his adversary by 
 "the lips of his messenger, the latter was recon- 
 ducted to the portal with all the ceremonious 
 civility due to the trumpeter, squire, and am- 
 bassador of so great a commander ; and being 
 again unblinded, was courteously dismissed with 
 a tweak of the nose, to assist him in recollecting 
 his message. 
 
 No sooner did the gallant Peter receive this 
 insolent reply than he let fly a tremendous vol- 
 ley of red-hot execrations, which would infal- 
 libly have battered down the fortifications, and 
 blown up the powder-magazine about the ears of 
 the fiery Swede, had not the ramparts been re- 
 markably strong, and the magazine bomb-proof. 
 Perceiving that the works withstood this terrific 
 blast, and that it was utterly impossible (as it 
 really was in those unphilosophic days) to cany- 
 on a war with words, he ordered his merry men 
 all to prepare for an immediate assault. But 
 here a strange murmur broke out among his 
 troops, beginning with the tribe of the Van 
 Bummels, those valiant trenchermen of the 
 Bronx, and spreading from man to man, accom- 
 panied with certain mutinous looks and discon- 
 tented murmurs. For once in his life, and only 
 for once, did the great Peter turn pale, for he 
 verily thought his warriors were going to falter 
 in this hour of perilous trial, and thus to tarnish 
 
 i
 
 ^be Brmg Bines 191 
 
 forever the fame of the province of New Nether- 
 lands. 
 
 But soon did he discover, to his great joy, that 
 in his suspicion he deeply wronged his most 
 undaunted army ; for the cause of his agitation 
 and uneasiness simply was, that the hour of 
 dinner was at hand, and it would have almost 
 broken the hearts of these regular Dutch war- 
 riors to have broken in upon the invariable rou- 
 tine of their habits. Besides, it was an estab- 
 lished rule among our ancestors always to fight 
 upon a full stomach ; and to this may be doubt- 
 less attributed the circumstance that they came 
 to be so renowed in arms. 
 
 And now are the hearty men of the Manhat- 
 toes, and their no less hearty comrades, all 
 lustily engaged under the trees, buffeting stoutly 
 with the contents of their wallets, and taking 
 such affectionate embraces of their canteens and 
 pottles, as though they verily believed they were 
 to be the last. And as I foresee we shall have 
 hot work in a page or two, I advise my readers 
 to do the same, for which purpose I will bring 
 this chapter to a close, — giving them my word 
 of honor, that no advantage shall be taken of 
 this armistice to surprise, or in any wise molest, 
 the honest Nederlanders while at their vigor- 
 ous repast.
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 CONTArNING THE MOST HORRIBI.E BATTLE EVER 
 RECORDED IN POETRY OR PROSE ; WITH THE 
 ADMIRABI^E EXPI.OITS OE PETER THE HEAD- 
 STRONG. 
 
 " "j\ TOW had the Dutchmen snatched a huge 
 1 N repast," and finding themselves wonder- 
 fully encouraged and animated thereby, prepared 
 to take the field. Expectation, says the writer 
 oftheStuyvesant manuscript, — Expectation now 
 stood on stilts. The world forgot to turn round, 
 or rather stood still, that it might witness the 
 afiray, — like a round-bellied alderman, watch- 
 ing the combat of two chivalrous flies upon his 
 jerkin. The eyes of all mankind, as usual in 
 such cases, were turned upon Fort Christina. 
 The sun, like a little man in a crowd at a pup- 
 pet-show, scampered about the heavens, popping 
 his head here and there, and endeavoring to get 
 a peep between the unmannerly clouds that
 
 ^arsbalUng tbe (3oDi3 193 
 
 obtruded themselves in his way. The histori- 
 ans filled their ink-horns ; the poets went with- 
 out their dinners, either that they might buy 
 paper and goose-quills, or because they could 
 not get any thing to eat. Antiquity scowled 
 sulkily out of its grave, to see itself outdone, — 
 while even Posterity stood mute, gazing in gap- 
 ing ecstasy of retrospection on the eventful 
 field. 
 
 The immortal deities, who whilom had seen 
 service at the ' * affair ' ' of Troy, now mounted 
 their feather-bed clouds, and sailed over the 
 plain, or mingled among the combatants in 
 difierent disguises, all itching to have a finger 
 in the pie. Jupiter sent off his thunderbolt to 
 a noted coppersmith, to have it furbished up for 
 the direful occasion. Venus vowed by her 
 chastity to patronize the Swedes, and in sem- 
 blance of a blear-eyed trull paraded the battle- 
 ments of Fort Christina, accompanied by Diana, 
 as a sergeant's widow, of cracked reputation. 
 The noted bully, ;RIars, stuck two horse-pistols 
 into his belt, shouldered a rusty fire-lock, and 
 gallantly swaggered at their elbow, as a drunken 
 corporal, — while Apollo trudged in their rear, as 
 a bandy-legged fifer, playing most villainously 
 out of tune. 
 
 On the other side, the ox-eyed Juno, who had 
 gained a pair of black ej-es overnight, in one of
 
 194 1bistori2 of IRew lorK 
 
 her curtain-lectures with old Jupiter, displayed 
 her haughty beauties on a baggage-wagon ; Mi- 
 nerva, as a brawny gin-suttler, tucked up her 
 skirts, brandished her fists, and swore most 
 heroically, in exceeding bad Dutch (having but 
 lately studied the language), by way of keeping 
 up the spirits of the soldiers ; while Vulcan 
 halted as a club-footed blacksmith, lately pro* 
 moted to be a captain of militia. All was silent 
 awe, or bustling preparation : war reared his 
 horrid front, gnashed loud his iron fangs, and 
 shook his direful crest of bristling bayonets. 
 
 And now the mighty chieftains marshalled 
 out their hosts. Here stood stout Risingh, firm 
 as a thousand rocks, — incrusted with stockades, 
 and intrenched to the chin in mud batteries. 
 His valiant soldiery lined the breastwork in 
 grim array, each having his mustachios fiercely 
 greased, and his hair pomatumed back, and 
 queued so stifl&y, that he grinned above the 
 ramparts like a grisly death's head. 
 
 There came on the intrepid Peter, — his brows 
 knit, his teeth set, his fists clenched, almost 
 breathing forth volumes of smoke, so fierce was 
 the fire that raged within his bosom. His faith- 
 ful Squire Van Corlear trudged valiantly at his 
 heels with his trumpet gorgeously bedecked 
 with red and yellow ribbons, the remembrances 
 of his fair mistresses at the Manhattoes. Then
 
 XLbc IRoU of Ibonor 195 
 
 came waddling on the sturdy chivalry of the 
 Hudson. There were the Van Wycks, and the 
 Van Dycks, and the Ten Kycks ; the Van 
 Nesses, the Van Tassels, the Van Grolls, the 
 Van Hoesens, the Van Giesons, and the Van 
 Blarcoms ; the Van Warts, the Van Winkles, the 
 Van Dams, the Van Pelts, the Van Rippers, and 
 the Van Brunts. There were the Van Homes, 
 the Van Hooks, the Van Bunschotens, the Van 
 Gelders, the Van Arsdales, and the Van Bum- 
 mels, the Vander Belts, the Vander Hoofs, the 
 Vander Voorts, the Vander Lyns, the Vander 
 Pools, and the Vander Spiegles ; then came the 
 Hoffmans, the Hooghlands, the Hoppers, the 
 Cloppers, the Ryckmans, the Dyckmans, the 
 Hogebooms, the Rosebooms, the Oothouts, the 
 Quackenbosses, the Roerbacks, the Garre- 
 brantzes, the Bensons, the Brouwers, the Wal- 
 drons, the Onderdonks, the Varra Vangers, the 
 Schermerhoms, the Stoutenburghs, the Brinker- 
 hoflfs, the Bontecous, the Knickerbockers, the 
 Hockstrassers, the Ten Breecheses, and the 
 Tough Breecheses, with a host more of worthies 
 whose names are too crabbed to be written, or 
 if they could be written it would be impossible 
 for man to utter,— all fortified with a mighty 
 dinner, and, to use the words of a great Dutch 
 poet, 
 
 " Brimful of wrath and cabbage."
 
 196 1bi6tors ot IFlew lorft 
 
 For an instant the mighty Peter paused in 
 the midst of his career, and, mounting on a 
 stump, addressed his troops in eloquent Low 
 Dutch, exhorting them to fight like duyvels^ 
 and assuring them that if they conquered they 
 should get plenty of booty ; if they fell, they 
 should be allowed the satisfaction, while dying, 
 of reflecting that it was in the service of their 
 country, and, after they were dead, of seeing 
 their names inscribed in the temple of renown, 
 and handed down, in company with all the 
 other great men of the year, for the admiration 
 of posterity. Finally, he swore to them, on the 
 word of a governor (and they knew him too well 
 to doubt it for a moment), that if he caught any 
 mother's son of them looking pale, or playing 
 craven, he would curry his hide till he made 
 him run out of it like a snake in spring-time. 
 Then lugging out his trusty sabre, he bran- 
 dished it three times over his head, ordered 
 Van Corlear to sound a charge, and shouting 
 the words "St. Nicholas and the Mauhattoes ! " 
 courageously dashed forwards. His warlike 
 followers, who had employed the interval in 
 lighting their pipes, instantly stuck them into 
 their mouths, gave a furious puff, and charged 
 gallantly under cover of the smoke. 
 
 The Swedish garrison, ordered by the cun- 
 ning Risiugh not to fire until they could distin-
 
 ^be JBattle ©pene& 197 
 
 guish the whites of their assailants' eyes, stood 
 in horrid silence on the covert-way until the 
 eager Dutchmen had ascended the glacis. Then 
 did they pour into them such a tremendous vol- 
 ley that the very hills quaked around, and were 
 terrified even unto an incontinence of water, in- 
 somuch that certain springs burst forth from 
 their sides, which continue to run unto the 
 present day. Not a Dutchman but would have 
 bitten the dust beneath that dreadful fire, had not 
 the protecting Miner\^a kindly taken care that 
 the Swedes should, one and all, observe their 
 usual custom of shutting their eyes and turning 
 away their heads at the moment of discharge. 
 
 The Swedes followed up their fire by leaping 
 the counterscarp, and falling tooth and nail 
 upon the foe with furious outcries. And now 
 might be seen prodigies of valor, unmatched in 
 history or song. Here was the sturdy Stoffel 
 Brinkerhoff brandishing his quarter-staflf, like 
 the giant Blanderon his oak tree (for he scorned 
 to carry any other weapon), and drumming a 
 horrific tune upon the hard heads of the Swed- 
 ish soldiery. There were the Van Kortlandts, 
 posted at a distance, like the Locrian archers of 
 yore, and plying it most potently with the long- 
 bow, for which they were so justly renowned. 
 On a rising knoll were gathered the valiant men 
 of Sing-Sing, assisting marvellously in the fight
 
 igS Ibistor^ ot IRew ll)orh 
 
 ,by clianting the great song of St. Nicholas ; but 
 as to the Gardeniers, of Hudson, they were ab- 
 sent on a marauding party, laying waste the 
 neighboring watermelon patches. 
 
 In a different part of the field were the Van 
 Grolls of Antony's Nose, struggling to get to 
 the thickest of the fight, but horribly perplexed 
 in a defile between two hills by reason of the 
 length of their noses. So also the Van Bun- 
 schotens of Nyack and Kakiat, so renowned for 
 kicking with the left foot, were brought to a 
 stand for want of wind, in consequence of the 
 hearty dinner they had eaten, and would have 
 been put to utter rout but for the arrival of a 
 gallant corps of voltigeurs, composed of the 
 Hoppers, who advanced nimbly to their assist- 
 ance on one foot. Nor must I omit to mention 
 the valiant achievements of Antony Van Cor- 
 lear, who, for a good quarter of an hour, waged 
 stubborn fight with a little pursy Swedish drum- 
 mer, whose hide he drummed most magnifi- 
 cently, and whom he would infallibly have an- 
 nihilated on the spot, but that he had come 
 into the battle vnth no other weapon but his 
 trumpet. 
 
 But now the combat thickened. On came the 
 mighty Jacobus Varra Vauger and the fighting- 
 men of the Wallabout ; after them thundered 
 the Van Pelts of Ksopus, together with the Van
 
 % Desperate Struggle 199 
 
 Rippers and the Van Brunts, bearing down all 
 before them ; then the Suy Dams, and the Van 
 Dams, pressing forward with many a blustering 
 oath, at the head of the warriors of Hell-gate, 
 clad in their thunder-and-lightning gaberdines ; 
 and. lastly, the standard-bearers and body-guard 
 of Peter Stuyvesant, bearing the great beaver 
 of the Manhattoes. 
 
 And now commenced the horrid din, the des- 
 perate struggle, the maddening ferocity, the 
 frantic desperation, the confusion and self- 
 abandonment of war. Dutchman and Swede 
 commingled, tugged, panted, and blowed. The 
 heavens were darkened with a tempest of mis- 
 sives. Bang ! went the guns ; whack ! went 
 the broad-swords ; thump ! went the cudgels ; 
 crash ! went the musket-stocks : blows, kicks, 
 cuffs, scratches, black eyes, and bloody noses 
 swelling the horrors of the scene ! Thick 
 thwack, cut and hack, helter-skelter, higgledy- 
 piggledy, hurly-burly, head-over-heels, rough- 
 and-tumble ! Dunder and blixun ! swore the 
 Dutchmen ; splitter and splutter ! cried the 
 Swedes. Storm the w orks ! shouted Hardkop- 
 pig Peter. Fire the mine ! roared stout Risingh. 
 Tanta-rar-ra-ra ! twanged the trumpet of Antony 
 Van Corlear ; — until all voice and sound became 
 unintelligible, — grunts of pain, yells of fury, 
 and shouts of triumph mingling in one hideous
 
 200 1bl6tor^ of Bew lork 
 
 clamor. The earth shook as if struck with a 
 paralytic stroke ; trees shrunk aghast, and 
 withered at the sight ; rocks burrowed in the 
 ground like rabbits ; and even Christina creek 
 turned from its course, and ran up a hill in 
 breathless terror ! 
 
 I^ong hung the contest doubtful ; for though 
 a heavy shower of rain, sent by the "cloud- 
 compelling Jove," in some measure cooled their 
 ardor, as doth a bucket of water thrown on a 
 group of fighting mastiffs, yet did they but 
 pause for a moment, to return with tenfold fury 
 to the charge. Just at this juncture a vast and 
 dense column of smoke was seen slowly rolling 
 toward the scene of battle. The combatants 
 paused for a moment, gazing in mute astonish- 
 ment, until the wind, dispelling the murky 
 cloud, revealed the flaunting banner of Michael 
 Paw, the Patroon of Communipaw. That valiant 
 chieftain came fearlessly on at the head of a 
 phalanx of oyster-fed Pavonians and a corps de 
 reserve of the Van Arsdales and Van Bummels, 
 who had remained behind to digest the enor- 
 mous dinner they had eaten. These now 
 trudged manfully forward, smoking their pipes 
 with outrageous vigor, so as to raise the awful 
 cloud that has been mentioned, but marching 
 exceedingly slow, being short of leg, and of 
 great rotundity in the belt.
 
 panic ot tbe Dutcb 201 
 
 Aud now the deities who watched over the 
 fortunes of the Nederlanders having unthink- 
 ingly left the field, and stepped into a neighbor- 
 ing tavern to refresh themselves with a pot of 
 beer, a direful catastrophe had wellnigh ensued. 
 Scarce had the myrmidons of Michael Paw 
 attained the front of battle, when the Swedes, 
 instructed by the cunning Risingh, levelled a 
 shower of blows full at their tobacco-pipes. 
 Astounded at this assault, and dismayed at the 
 havoc of their pipes, these ponderous warriors 
 gave w^ay, and like a drove of frightened ele- 
 phants broke through the ranks of their own 
 army. The little Hoppers were borne down in 
 the surge ; the sacred banner emblazoned with 
 the gigantic oyster of Communipaw was tram- 
 pled in the dirt ; on blundered and thundered 
 the hea^'7-stemed fugitives, the Swedes pressing 
 on their rear and applying their feet a parte 
 poste of the Van Arsdales and the Van Bummels 
 with a vigor that prodigiously accelerated their 
 movements ; nor did the renowned Michael 
 Paw himself fail to receive divers grievous and 
 dishonorable visitations of shoe-leather. 
 
 But what, O Muse ! was the rage of Peter 
 Stuyvesant, when from afar he saw his army 
 giving way ! In the transports of his wrath he 
 sent forth a roar, enough to shake the very 
 hills. The men of the Manhattoes plucked up
 
 202 1bi6tors of IWew l^orfe 
 
 new courage at the sound, or, rather, they 
 rallied at the voice of their leader, of whom 
 they stood more in awe than of all the Swedes 
 in Christendom. "Without waiting for their 
 aid, the daring Peter dashed, sword in hand, 
 into the thickest of the foe. Then might be 
 seen achievements worthy of the days of the 
 giants. Wherever he went, the enemy shrank 
 before him ; the Swedes fled to right and left, 
 or were driven, like dogs, into their own ditch ; 
 but as he pushed forward singly with headlong 
 courage, the foe closed behind and hung 
 upon his rear. One aimed a blow full at his 
 heart ; but the protecting power which watches 
 over the great and good turned aside the hostile 
 blade and directed it into a side-pocket, where 
 reposed an enormous iron tobacco-box, en- 
 dowed, like the shield of Achilles, with super- 
 natural powers, doubtless from bearing the 
 portrait of the blessed St. Nicholas. Peter 
 Stuyvesant turned like an angry bear upon the 
 foe, and seizing him as he fled, by an immeas- 
 urable queue, * ' Ah, whoreson caterpillar, ' ' 
 roared he, "here 's what shall make worms' 
 meat of thee ! " So saying, he whirled his 
 sword, and dealt a blow that would have decapi- 
 tated the varlet, but that the pitying steel struck 
 short and shaved the queue forever from his 
 crown. At this moment au arquebusier, levelled
 
 IRival "fcerocs 203 
 
 his piece from a neighboring mound, with dead- 
 ly aim ; but the watchful Minerva, who had just 
 stopped to tie up her garter, seeing the peril of 
 her favorite hero, sent old Boreas with his bel- 
 lows, who, as the match descended to the pan, 
 gave a blast that blew the priming from the 
 touchhole. 
 
 Thus waged the fight, when the stout Risingh, 
 survej'ing the field from the top of a little rave- 
 lin, perceived his troops banged, beaten, and 
 kicked by the invincible Peter. Drawing his 
 falchion and uttering a thousand anathemas, he 
 strode down to the scene of combat with some 
 such thundering strides as Jupiter is said by 
 Hesiod to have taken when he strode down the 
 spheres to hurl his thunder-bolts at the Titans. 
 
 When the rival heroes came face to face, each 
 made a prodigious start in the style of a veteran 
 stage-champion. Then did they regard each 
 other for a moment with the bitter aspect of 
 two furious ram-cats on the point of a clapper- 
 clawing. Then did they throw themselves into 
 one attitude, then into another, striking their 
 swords on the ground, first on the right side, 
 then on the left ; at last at it they went, with 
 incredible ferocity. Words cannot tell the 
 prodigies of strength and valor displayed in 
 this direful encounter, — an encounter compared 
 to which the far-famed battles of Ajax with
 
 204 Distort of mew l^ork 
 
 Hector, of ^neas with Tumus, Orlando with 
 Rodomont, Guy of Warwick with Colbrand the 
 Dane, or of that renowned Welsh knight, Sir 
 Owen of the Mountains, with the giant Guylon, 
 were all gentle sports and holiday recreations. 
 At length the valiant Peter, watching his op- 
 portunity, aimed a blow, enough to cleave his 
 adversary to the very chine ; but Risingh, 
 nimbly raising his sword, warded it oflf so nar- 
 rowly, that, glancing on one side, it shaved 
 away a huge canteen in which he carried his 
 liquor, — thence pursuing its trenchant course, it 
 severed off a deep coat-pocket, stored with bread 
 and cheese, — which provant rolling among the 
 armies, occasioned a fearful scrambling be- 
 tween the Swedes and Dutchmen, and made the 
 general battle to wax more furious than ever. 
 
 Enraged to see his military stores laid waste, 
 the stout Risingh, collecting all his forces, aimed 
 a mighty blow full at the hero's crest. In vain 
 did his fierce little cocked hat oppose its course. 
 The biting steel clove through the stubborn ram 
 beaver, and would have cracked the crown of 
 any one not endowed with supernatural hard- 
 ness of head ; but the brittle weapon shivered 
 in pieces on the skull of Hardkoppig Piet, 
 shedding a thousand sparks like beams of glory, 
 round his grisly visage. 
 
 The good Peter reeled with the blow, and
 
 3faU ot tbc Cbicttalns 205 
 
 turning up his eyes beheld a thousand suns, be- 
 sides moons and stars, dancing about the firma- 
 ment ; at length, missing his footing, by reason 
 of his wooden leg, down he came on his seat of 
 honor with a crash which shook the surrounding 
 hills, and might have wrecked his frame, had he 
 not been received into a cushion softer than 
 velvet, which Providence, or Minerv^a, or St. 
 Nicholas, or some cow, had benevolently pre- 
 pared for his reception. 
 
 The furious Risingh, in despite of the maxim, 
 cherished by all true knights, that ' ' fair play 
 is a jewel," hastened to take advantage of the 
 hero's fall ; but, as he stooped to give a fatal 
 blow, Peter Stuyvesant dealt him a thwack over 
 the sconce with his wooden leg, which set a 
 chime of bells ringing triple bob-majors in his 
 cerebellum. The bewildered Swede staggered 
 with the blow, and the wary Peter seizing a 
 pocket-pistol, which lay hard by, discharged it 
 full at the head of the reeling Risingh. Let not 
 my reader mistake ; it was not a murderous 
 weapon loaded with powder and ball, but a little 
 sturdy stone pottle charged to the muzzle with a 
 double dram of true Dutch courage, which the 
 knowing Antony Van Corlear carried about him 
 by way of replenishing his valor, and which had 
 dropped from his wallet during his furious en- 
 counter with the drummer. The hideous weapon
 
 2o6 1bi0tors ot Bcw l^orft 
 
 sang througli the air, and true to its course as 
 was the fragment of a rock discharged at Hector 
 by bully Ajax, encountered the head of the 
 gigantic Swede with matchless violence. 
 
 This heaven-directed blow decided the battle. 
 The ponderous pericranium of General Jan 
 Risingh sank upon his breast ; his knees tottered 
 under him ; a death-like torpor seized upon his 
 frame, and he tumbled to the earth with such 
 violence, that old Pluto started with affright, lest 
 he should have broken through the roof of his 
 infernal palace. 
 
 His fall was the signal of defeat and victory ; 
 the Swedes gave way, the Dutch pressed for- 
 ward ; the former took to their heels, the latter 
 hotly pursued. Some entered with them, pell- 
 mell, through the sally-port ; others stormed the 
 bastion, and others scrambled over the curtain. 
 Thus in a little while the fortress of Fort Chris- 
 tina, which, like another Troy, had stood a siege 
 of full ten hours, was carried by assault, without 
 the loss of a single man on either side. Victory, 
 in the likeness of a gigantic oxfly, sat perched 
 upon the cocked hat of the gallant Stuyvesant ; 
 and it was declared, by all the writers whom he 
 hired to write the history of his expedition, 
 that on this memorable day he gained a suffi- 
 cient quantity of glory to immortalize a dozen 
 of the greatest heroes in Christendom !
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 IN WHICH THE AUTHOR AND THE READER, 
 WHII,E REPOSING AFTER THE BATTI^E, FAI^I, 
 INTO A VERY GRAVE DISCOURSE— AFTER 
 WHICH IS RECORDED THE CONDUCT OF PETER 
 STUYVESANT AFTER HIS VICTORY. 
 
 THANKS to St. Nicholas, we have safely 
 finished this tremendous battle ; let us sit 
 down, my worthy reader, and cool ourselves, for 
 I am in a prodigious sweat and agitation ; truly 
 this fighting of battles is hot work ! and if your 
 great commanders did but know what trouble 
 they give their historians, they would not have 
 the conscience to achieve so many horrible 
 victories. But methinks I hear my reader com- 
 plain, that throughout this boasted battle there 
 is not the least slaughter, nor a single individual 
 maimed, if we except the unhappy Swede, who 
 was shorn of his queue by the trenchant blade 
 of Peter Stuyvesant ; all which, he observes, is 
 a great outrage on probability, and highly in- 
 jurious to the interest of the narration.
 
 2o8 t>i6tov^ Of Bcw ISovft 
 
 This is certainly an objection of no little mo- 
 ment, but it arises entirely from the obscurity 
 enveloping the remote periods of time about 
 which I have undertaken to write. Thus, though 
 doubtless, from the importance of the object and 
 the prowess of the parties concerned, there must 
 have been terrible carnage, and prodigies of 
 valor displayed before the walls of Christina, 
 yet, notwithstanding that I have consulted every 
 history, manuscript, and tradition, touching 
 this memorable though long-forgotten battle, I 
 cannot find mention made of a single man killed 
 or wounded in the whole affair. 
 
 This is, without doubt, owing to the extreme 
 modesty of our forefathers, who, unlike their 
 descendants, were never prone to vaunt of their 
 achievements ; but it is a virtue which places 
 their historian in a most embarrassing predica- 
 ment ; for, having promised my readers a 
 hideous and unparalleled battle, and having 
 worked them up into a warlike and blood- 
 thirsty state of mind, to put them oif without 
 any havoc and slaughter would have been as 
 bitter a disappointment as to summon a multi- 
 tude of good people to attend an execution, and 
 then cruelly balk them by a reprieve. 
 
 Plad the fates only allowed me some half a 
 score of dead men, I had been content ; for I 
 would have made them such heroes as abound-
 
 Zbc JSlooDlcse :©attlc 209 
 
 ed in the olden time, but whose race is now 
 unfortunately extinct, — any one of whom, if we 
 may believe those authentic writers, the poets, 
 could drive great armies, like sheep, before 
 him, and conquer and desolate whole cities by 
 his single arm. 
 
 But seeing that I had not a single life at my 
 disposal, all that was left me was to make the 
 most I could of my battle, by means of kicks, 
 and cufifs, and bruises, and such like ignoble 
 wounds. And here I cannot but compare my 
 dilemma, in some sort, to that of the divine 
 Milton, who, having arrayed with sublime 
 preparation his immortal hosts against each 
 other, is sadly put to it how to manage them, 
 and how he shall make the end of his battle 
 answer to the beginning, inasmuch as, being 
 mere spirits, he cannot deal a mortal blow, nor 
 even give a flesh wound to any of his comba- 
 tants. For my part, the greatest difficulty I 
 found was, when I had once put my warriors 
 in a passion, and let them loose into the midst 
 of the enemy, to keep them from doing mis- 
 chief. Many a time had I to restrain the sturdy 
 Peter from cleaving a gigantic Swede to the 
 very waistband, or spitting hall a dozen little 
 fellows on his sword, like so many sparrows, 
 and when I had set some hundred of missives 
 flying it_ the air, I did not dare to suffer one of
 
 2IO 1bi6tors of Bew l^orft 
 
 them to reach, the ground, lest it should have 
 put an end to some unlucky Dutchman. 
 
 The reader cannot conceive how mortifying 
 it is to a writer thus in a manner to have his 
 hands tied, and how many tempting opportuni- 
 ties I had to wink at, where I might have made 
 as fine a death-blow as any recorded in history 
 or song. 
 
 From my own experience I begin to doubt 
 most potently of the authenticity of many of 
 Homer's stories. I verily believe that, when 
 he had once launched one of his favorite heroes 
 among a crowd of the enemy, he cut down 
 many an honest fellow, without any authority 
 for so doing, excepting that he presented a fair 
 mark, — and that often a poor fellow was sent 
 to grim Pluto's domains, merely because he 
 had a name that would give a sounding turn to 
 a period. But I disclaim all such unprincipled 
 liberties ; let me but have truth and the law on 
 my side, and no man would fight harder than 
 myself; but since the various records I con- 
 sulted did not warrant it, I had too much 
 conscience to kill a single soldier. By St. 
 Nicholas, but it would have been a pretty piece 
 of business ! My enemies, the critics, who I 
 foresee will be ready enough to lay any crime 
 they can discover at my door, might have 
 charged me with murder outright, and I should
 
 Butbor'5 IReflectlons 211 
 
 have esteemed myself lucky to escape "with no 
 harsher verdict than manslaughter ! 
 
 And now, gentle reader, that we are tranquil- 
 ly sitting down here, smoking our pipes, permit 
 me to indulge in a melancholy reflection which 
 at this moment passes across my mind. How 
 vain, how fleeting, how uncertain are all those 
 gaudy bubbles after which we are panting and 
 toiling in this world of fair delusions. The 
 wealth which the miser has amassed with so 
 many weary days, so many sleepless nights, a 
 spendthrift here may squander away in joyless 
 prodigality ; the noblest monuments which 
 pride has ever reared to perpetuate a name, the 
 hand of time will shortly tumble into ruins ; 
 and even the brightest laurels, gained by feats 
 of arms, may wither, and be forever blighted 
 by the chilling neglect of mankind. ** How 
 many illustrious heroes," says the good Boe- 
 tius, "who were once the pride and glory of 
 the age, hath the silence of historians buried in 
 eternal oblivion ! " And this it was that in- 
 duced the Spartans, when they went to battle, 
 solemnly to sacrifice to the Muses, supplicating 
 that their achievements might be worthily re- 
 corded. Had not Homer tuned his lofty lyre, 
 observes the elegant Cicero, the valor of Achil- 
 les had remained unsung. And such, too, after 
 all the toils and perils he had braved, after all
 
 212 Ibfstor^ of IRew l^orft 
 
 the gallant actions he had achieved, such, too, 
 had nearly been the fate of the chivalric Peter 
 Stujrvesant, but that I fortunately stepped in 
 and engraved his name on the indelible tablet 
 of history, just as the caitiff Time was silently 
 brushing it away forever ! 
 
 The more I reflect the more I am astonished 
 at the important character of the historian. Ke 
 is the sovereign censor to decide upon the re- 
 nown or infamy of his fellow-men. He is the 
 patron of kings and conquerors, on whom it 
 depends whether they shall live in after-ages, 
 or be forgotten as were their ancestors before 
 them. The tyrant may oppress while the ob- 
 ject of his tyranny exists ; but the historian 
 possesses superior might, for his power extends 
 even beyond the grave. The shades of departed 
 and long-forgotten heroes anxiously bend down 
 from above, while he writes, v/atching each 
 movement of his pen, whether it shall pass by 
 their names with neglect, or inscribe them on 
 the deathless pages of renown. Even the drop 
 of ink which hangs trembling on his pen, which 
 he may either dash upon the floor or waste in 
 idle scrawlings, — that very drop, which to him 
 is not worth the twentieth part of a farthing, 
 may be of incalculable value to some departed 
 worthy, may elevate half a score, in one mo- 
 ment, to immortality, who would have given
 
 fmmortal 3Fame 213 
 
 worlds, had they possessed them, to insure the 
 glorious meed. 
 
 Let not my readers imagine, however, that I 
 am indulging in vainglorious boastings, or am 
 anxious to blazon forth the importance of my 
 tribe. On the contrary, I shrink when I reflect 
 on the awful responsibility we historians as- 
 sume ; I shudder to think what direful commo- 
 tions and calamities we occasion in the world ; 
 I swear to thee, honest reader, as I am a man, I 
 weep at the very idea ! Why, let me ask, are 
 so many illustrious men daily tearing them- 
 selves away from the embraces of their families, 
 sHghting the smiles of beauty, despising the 
 allurements of fortune, and exposing themselves 
 to the miseries of war ? Why are kings deso- 
 lating empires, and depopulating whole coun- 
 tries ? In short, what induces all great men of 
 all ages and countries to commit so many victo- 
 ries and misdeeds, and inflict so many miseries 
 upon mankind and upon themselves, but the 
 mere hope that some historian will kindly take 
 them into notice, and admit them into a comer 
 of his volume? For, in short, the mighty ob- 
 ject of all their toils, their hardships, and pri- 
 vations is nothing but immortal fame. And 
 what is immortal fame ? — why, half a page of 
 dirty paper ! Alas ! alas ! how humiliating the 
 idea, that the renown of so great a man as Peter
 
 214 Ibistorg of mew l^ork 
 
 Stuyvesant should depend upon the pen of so 
 little a man as Diedrich Knickerbocker ! 
 
 And now, having refreshed ourselves after the 
 fatigues and perils of the field, it behooves us to 
 return once more to the scene of conflict, and 
 inquire what were the results of this renowned 
 conquest. The fortress of Christina being the 
 fair metropolis, and in a manner the key to 
 New Sweden, its capture was speedily followed 
 by the entire subjugation of the province. This 
 was not a little promoted by the gallant and 
 courteous deportment of the chivalric Peter. 
 Though a man terrible in battle, yet in the hour 
 of victory was he endued with a spirit generous, 
 merciful, and humane. He vaunted not over 
 his enemies, nor did he make defeat more gall- 
 ing by unmanly insults ; for like that mirror of 
 knightly virtue, the renowned Paladin Orlando, 
 he was more anxious to do great actions than 
 to talk of them after they were done. He put 
 no man to death ; ordered no houses to be 
 burnt down ; permitted no ravages to be perpe- 
 trated on the property of the vanquished ; and 
 even gave one of his bravest officers a severe 
 admonishment with his walking-staff" for having 
 been detected in the act of sacking a hen-roost. 
 
 He moreover issued a proclamation inviting 
 the inhabitants to submit to the authority of 
 their High Mightinesses ; but declaring, with
 
 Submission of IRew Sweden 215 
 
 unexampled clemency, that wlioever refused 
 should be lodged at the public expense in a 
 goodly castle provided for the purpose, and 
 have an armed retinue to wait on them in the 
 bargain. In consequence of these beneficent 
 terms about thirty Swedes stepped manfully 
 forward and took the oath of allegiance ; in re- 
 ward for which they were graciously permitted 
 to remain on the banks of the Delaware, where 
 their descendants reside at this very day. I am 
 told, however, by divers observant travellers 
 that they have never been able to get over the 
 chapfallen looks of their ancestors, but that 
 they still do strangely transmit from father to 
 son manifest marks of the sound drubbing given 
 them by the sturdy Amsterdammers. 
 
 The whole country of New Sweden, having 
 thus yielded to the arms of the triumphant 
 Peter, was reduced to a colony called South 
 River, and placed under the superintendence 
 of a lieutenant-governor, subject to the control 
 of the supreme government of New Amster- 
 dam. This great dignitary was called Mynheer 
 William Beekman, or rather Beck--nia.n, who 
 derived his surname, as did Ovidious Naso of 
 yore, from the lordly dimensions of his nose, 
 which projected from the centre of his counte- 
 nance like the beak of a parrot. He was the 
 great progenitor of the tribe of the Beekmans,
 
 2i6 1bi6tors of *lew l^orU 
 
 -one of the most ancient and honorable families 
 of the province, the members of which do grate- 
 fully commemorate the origin of their dignity, 
 — not as yom: noble families in England would 
 do, by having a glowing proboscis emblazoned 
 on their escutcheon, but by one and all wearing 
 a right goodly nose, stuck in the very middle 
 of their faces. 
 
 Thus was this perilous enterprise gloriously 
 terminated, with the loss of only two men : 
 Wolfert Van Home, a tall spare man, who was 
 knocked overboard by the boom of a sloop in a 
 flaw of wind, and fat Brom Van Bummel, who 
 was suddenly carried off by an indigestion ; 
 both, however, were immortalized, as having 
 bravely fallen in the service of their country. 
 True it is, Peter Stuyvesant had one of his 
 limbs terribly fractured in the act of storming 
 the fortress ; but as it was fortunately his wood- 
 en leg, the wound was promptly and effectually 
 healed. 
 
 And now nothing remains to this branch of 
 my history but to mention that this immacu- 
 late hero and his victorious army returned joy- 
 ously to the Manhattoes, where they made a 
 solemn and triumphant entry, bearing with 
 them the conquered Risingh, and the remnant 
 of his battered crew, who had refused allegiance ; 
 for it appears that the gigantic Swede had only
 
 •Return ot tbe Dfctors 217 
 
 fallen into a swoon, at the end of the battle, 
 from which he was speedily restored by a whole- 
 some tweak of the nose. 
 
 These captive heroes were lodged, according 
 to the promise of the governor, at the public 
 expense, in a fair and spacious castle, — being 
 the prison of state, of which Stoffel BrinkerhofiF, 
 the immortal conqueror of Oyster Bay, was 
 appointed governor, and which has ever since 
 remained in the possession of his descendants.* 
 
 It was a pleasant and goodly sight to witness 
 the joy of the people of New Amsterdam at 
 beholding their warriors once more return from 
 this war in the wilderness. The old women 
 thronged round Antony Van Corlear, who 
 gave the whole history of the campaign with 
 matchless accuracy, saying that he took the 
 credit of fighting the whole battle himself, and 
 especially of vanquishing the stout Risingh, — 
 which he considered himself as clearly entitled 
 to, seeing that it was effected by his own stone 
 pottle. 
 
 The schoolmasters throughout the town gave 
 holidays to their little urchins, who followed in 
 droves after the drums, with paper caps on their 
 heads, and sticks in their breeches, thus taking 
 
 ♦This castle, though very much altered and modern- 
 ized, is still in being, and stands at the comer of Pearl 
 Street, facing Coeuties Slip.
 
 2i8 Ibistor^ of IRew lorh 
 
 the first lesson in the art of war. As to the 
 sturdy rabble, they thronged at the heels of 
 Peter Stuyvesant wherever he went, waving 
 their greasy hats in the air, and shouting 
 " Hardkoppig Piet forever ! " 
 
 It was indeed a day of roaring rout and 
 jubilee. A huge dinner was prepared at the 
 Stadthouse in honor of the conquerors, where 
 were assembled in one glorious constellation 
 the great and little luminaries of New Am- 
 sterdam. There were the lordly Schout and 
 obsequious deputy ; the burgomasters with their 
 officious schepens at their elbows ; the subaltern 
 officers at the elbows of the schepens, and so 
 on down to the lowest hanger-on of police : 
 every tag having his rag at his side, to finish 
 his pipe, drink off his heel-taps, and laugh at 
 his flights of immortal dulness. In short, — for 
 a city feast is a city feast all the world over, and 
 has been a city feast ever since the creation, — the 
 dinner went off much the same as do our great 
 corporation junketings and Fourth-of July ban- 
 quets. Loads of fish, flesh, and fowl were de- 
 voured, oceans of liquor drank, thousands of 
 pipes smoked, and many a dull joke honored 
 with much obstreperous fat-sided laughter. 
 
 I must not omit to mention that to this far- 
 famed victory Peter Stuyvesant was indebted 
 for another of his many titles ; for so hugely de-
 
 t>ictet t>e (5rooOt 219 
 
 lighted were the honest burghers with his 
 achievements, that they unanimously honored 
 him with the name of Picter de Groodt, that is 
 to say, Peter the Great, or, as it was translated 
 into EngUsh by the people of New Amsterdam, 
 for the benefit of their New England visitors, 
 Piet de pig, — an appellation which he main- 
 tained even unto the day of his death.
 
 BOOK VII. 
 
 CONTAINING THE THIRD PART OF THE RBIGN 
 OF PETER THE HEADSTRONG — HIS TROUBI.ES 
 WITH THE BRITISH NATION, AND THE DE- 
 CI^INE AND FAI,Iy OF THE DUTCH DYNASTY. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 HOW PETER STUYVESANT RELIEVED THE SOV- 
 EREIGN PEOPLE FROM THE BURDEN OF TAK- 
 ING CARE OF THE NATION ; WITH SUNDRY 
 PARTICULARS OF HIS CONDUCT IN TIME OF 
 PEACE, AND OF THE RISE OF A GREAT DUTCH 
 ARISTOCRACY. 
 
 THE history of the reign of Peter Stuyvesant 
 furnishes an edifying picture of the cares 
 and vexations inseparable from sovereignty, and 
 a solemn warning to all who are ambitious of 
 attaining the seat of honor. Though returning 
 in triumph and crowned with victory, his exul-
 
 "Kistng ^factions 221 
 
 tation was checked on observing the abuses 
 which had sprung up in New Amsterdam during 
 his short absence. His walking-staff, which he 
 had sent home to act as vicegerent, had, it is 
 true, kept his council-chamber in order, — the 
 counsellors eying it with awe, as it lay in grim 
 repose upon the table, and smoking their pipes 
 in silence, — but its control extended not out of 
 doors. 
 
 The populace unfortunately had had too 
 much their own way under the slack though 
 fitful reign of William the Testy ; and though 
 upon the accession of Peter Stuyvesant they 
 had felt, with the instinctive perception which 
 mobs as well as cattle possess, that the reins of 
 government had passed into stronger hands, yet 
 could they not help fretting and chafing and 
 champing upon the bit, in restive silence. 
 
 Scarcely, therefore, had he departed on his 
 expedition against the Swedes, than the old 
 factions of William Kieft's reign had again 
 thrust their heads above water. Pothouse 
 meetings were again held to " discuss the state 
 of the nation," where cobblers, tinkers, and 
 tailors, the self-dubbed "friends of the people," 
 once more felt themselves inspired with the 
 gift of legislation, and undertook to lecture on 
 every movement of government. 
 
 Now, as Peter Stuyvesant had a singular in-
 
 222 Dlstors ot IFlew l^orh 
 
 clination to govern the province by his indi- 
 vidual will, his first move, on his return, was to 
 put a stop to this gratuitous legislation. Accord- 
 ingly, one evening, when an inspired cobbler 
 was holding forth to an assemblage of the kind, 
 the intrepid Peter suddenly made his appearance, 
 with his ominous walking-staff in his hand, and 
 a countenance sufl&cient to petrify a mill-stone. 
 The whole meeting was thrown into confusion, 
 the orator stood aghast, with open mouth and 
 trembling knees, while * ' horror ! tyranny ! 
 liberty ! rights ! taxes ! death ! destruction ! '* 
 and a host of other patriotic phrases were bolted 
 forth before he had time to close his lips. Peter 
 took no notice of the skulking throng, but 
 strode up to the brawling bully-ruffian, and 
 pulling out a huge silver watch, which might 
 have served in times of yore as a town-clock, 
 and which is still retained by his descendants as 
 a family curiosity, requested the orator to mend 
 it, and set it going. The orator humbly con- 
 fessed that it was utterly out of his power, as he 
 was unacquainted with the nature of its con- 
 struction. * ' Nay, but, ' ' said Peter, ' ' try your 
 ingenuity, man : you see all the springs and 
 wheels, and how easily the clumsiest hand may 
 stop it, and pull it to pieces ; and why should it 
 not be equally easy to regulate as to stop it? " 
 The orator declared that his trade was wholly
 
 XTbe Cobbler^s Contu6ion 223 
 
 diflferent, — that he was a poor cobbler, and had 
 never meddled with a watch in his life, — that 
 there were men skilled in the art, whose busi- 
 ness it was to attend to those matters ; but for 
 his part, he should only mar the workmanship 
 and put the whole in confusion. ** Why, 
 harkee, master of mine," cried Peter, — turning 
 suddenly upon him, with a countenance that 
 almost petrified the patcher of shoes into a 
 perfect lapstone, — " dost thou pretend to meddle 
 with the movements of government, — to regu- 
 late, and correct, and patch, and cobble a com- 
 plicated machine, the principles of which are 
 above thy comprehension, and its simplest 
 workings too subtle for thy understanding, 
 when thou canst not correct a trifling error in a 
 common piece of mechanism, the whole mys- 
 tery of which is open to thy inspection ? Hence 
 with thee to the leather and stone, which are 
 emblems of thy head ; cobble thy shoes, and 
 confine thyself to the vocation for which Heaven 
 has fitted thee. But," elevating his voice until 
 it made the welkin ring, " if ever I catch thee, 
 or any of thy tribe, meddling again with the 
 affairs of government, by St. Nicholas, but I '11 
 have every mother's bastard of ye flay'd alive, 
 and your hides stretched for drum-heads, that 
 ye may thenceforth make a noise to some
 
 224 1bi0tor^ ot IFlew ^oxh 
 
 This threat, and the tremenduous voice in 
 which it was uttered, caused the whole multi- 
 tude to quake with fear. The hair of the orator 
 rose on his head like his own swines' bristles, 
 and not a knight of the thimble present but his 
 heart died within him, and he felt as though he 
 could have verily escaped through the eye of a 
 needle. The assembly dispersed in silent con- 
 sternation ; the pseudo-statesmen, who had 
 hitherto undertaken to regulate public affairs, 
 were now fain to stay at home, hold their 
 tongues, and take care of their families ; and 
 party feuds died away to such a degree, that 
 many thriving keepers of taverns and dram- 
 shops were utterly ruined for want of business. 
 But though this measure produced the desired 
 effect in putting an extinguisher on the new 
 lights just brightening up, yet did it tend to in- 
 jure the popularity of the Great Peter with the 
 thinking part of the community, that is to say, 
 that part which thinks for others instead of for 
 themselves, or, in other words, who attend to 
 everybody's business but their own. These ac- 
 cused the old governor of being highly aristo- 
 cratical ; and iu truth there seems to have been 
 some ground for such an accusation ; for he car- 
 ried himself with a lofty, soldier-like air, and 
 was somewhat particular in dress, appearing, 
 when not in uniform, in rich apparel of the an-
 
 state anJ) Cexcmom 225 
 
 tique flaundrish cut, and was especially noted 
 for having his sound leg (which was a very 
 comely one) always arrayed in a red stocking 
 and high-heeled shoe. 
 
 Justice he often dispensed in the primitive 
 patriarchial way, seated on the *' stoep " before 
 his door, under the shade of a great button- 
 wood tree ; but all visits of form and state were 
 received with something of court ceremony in 
 the best parlor ; where Antony the Trumpeter 
 officiated as high chamberlain. On public oc- 
 casions he appeared with great pomp of equi- 
 page, and always rode to church in a yellow 
 wagon with flaming red wheels. 
 
 These symptoms of state and ceremony, as vve 
 have hinted, were much cavilled at by the 
 thinking (and talking) part of the community-. 
 They had been accustomed to find easy access 
 to their former governors, and in particular had 
 lived on terms of extreme intimacy with Wil- 
 liam the Testy ; and they accused Peter Stuyve- 
 sant of assuming too much dignity and reserve, 
 and of wrapping himself in mystery. Others, 
 however, have pretended to discover in all this 
 a shrewd policy on the part of the old governor^ 
 It is certainly of the first importance, say they, 
 that a country should be governed by wise 
 men ; but then it is almost equally important 
 that the people should think them wise ; for
 
 226 Ibistorg of Bew l^orft 
 
 this belief alone can produce willing subordina- 
 tion. To keep up, however, this desirable con- 
 fidence in rulers, the people should be allowed 
 to see as little of them as possible. It is the 
 mystery which envelops great men, that gives 
 them half their greatness. There is a kind of 
 superstitious reverence for office which leads us 
 to exaggerate the merits of the occupant, and 
 to suppose that he must be wiser than common 
 men. He, however, who gains access to cabi- 
 nets, soon finds out by what foolishness the 
 world is governed. He finds that there is 
 quackery in legislation as in every thing else ; 
 that rulers have their whims and errors as well 
 as other men, and are not so wonderfully supe- 
 rior as he imagined, since even he may occa- 
 sionally confute them in argument. Thus awe 
 subsides into confidence, confidence inspires 
 familiarity, and familiarity produces contempt. 
 Such was the case, they say, with William the 
 Testy. By making himself too easy of access, 
 he enabled every scrub politician to measure 
 wits with him, and to find out the true dimen- 
 sions not only of his person but of his mind ; 
 and thus it was that, by being familiarly 
 scanned, he was discovered to be a very little 
 man. Peter Stuyvesant, on the contrary, say 
 they, by conducting himself with dignity and 
 loftiness, was looked up to with great reverence.
 
 ^be Dutcb Bristocracs 227 
 
 As tie never gave his reasons for any thing he 
 did, the public gave him credit for very profound 
 ones ; every moment, however intrinsically un- 
 important, was a matter of speculation ; and his 
 very red stockings excited some respect, as be- 
 ing diflferent from the stockings of other men. 
 
 Another charge against Peter Stuyvesant was 
 that he had a great leaning in favor of the patri- 
 cians ; and indeed in his time rose many of those 
 mighty Dutch families which have taken such 
 vigorous root, and branched out so luxviriantly 
 in our State. Some, to be sure, were of earlier 
 date, such as the Van Kortlandts, the Van 
 Zandts, the Ten Broecks, the Harden Broecks, 
 and others of Pavonian renown, who gloried in 
 the title of ''Discoverers," from having been 
 engaged in the nautical expedition from Com- 
 munipaw, in which they so heroically braved 
 the terrors of Hell-gate and Buttermilk Channel, 
 and discovered a site for New Amsterdam. 
 
 Others claimed to themselves the appellation 
 of "Conquerors," from their gallant achieve- 
 ments in New Sweden and their victory over 
 the Yankees at Oyster Bay. Such was that list 
 of warlike worthies heretofore enumerated, be- 
 ginning with the Van Wycks, the Van Dycks, 
 and the Ten Eycks, and extending to the Rut- 
 gers, the Bensons, the Brinkerhoffs, and the 
 Schermerhoms, — a roll equal to the Doomsday-
 
 228 1bl0tori2 of 'B^ew 13orft 
 
 •Book of William the Conqueror, and establish- 
 ing the heroic origin of many an ancient aristo- 
 cratical Dutch family. These, after all, are the 
 only legitimate nobility and lords of the soil ; 
 these are the real ' ' beavers of the Manhattoes ' ' ; 
 and much does it grieve me in modem days to 
 see them elbowed aside by foreign invaders, and 
 more especially by those ingenious people, "the 
 Sons of the Pilgrims " ; who out-bargain them 
 in the market, out-speculate them on the ex- 
 change, out-top them in fortune, and run up 
 mushroom palaces so high that the tallest Dutch 
 family mansion has not w4nd enough left for its 
 weathercock. 
 
 In the proud days of Peter Stuyvesant, how- 
 ever, the good old Dutch aristocracy loomed out 
 in all its grandeur. The burly burgher, in 
 round-crowned flaundrish hat with brim of vast 
 circumference, in portly gabardine and bulbous 
 multiplicity of breeches, sat on his "stoep" 
 and smoked his pipe in lordly silence ; nor did 
 it ever enter his brain that the active, restless 
 Yankee, whom he saw through his half-shut 
 eyes worrying about in dog-day heat, ever intent 
 on the main chance, was one day to usurp con- 
 trol over these goodly Dutch domains. Already, 
 however, the races regarded each other with 
 disparaging eyes. The Yankees sneeringly spoke 
 of the round-crowned burghers of the Manhat-
 
 Zbc Dutcb Brtstocracg 
 
 229 
 
 toes as the "Copperheads," while the latter, 
 glorying in their own nether rotundity, and ob- 
 serving the slack galligaskins of their rivals, 
 flapping like an empty sail against the mast, 
 retorted upon them with the opprobrious appel- 
 lation of ** Platter-breeches."
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 HOW PETER STUYVESANT I^ABORED TO CIYII^IZE 
 THE COMMUNITY — HOW HE WAS A GREAT 
 PROMOTER OF HOI,IDAYS — HOW HE INSTI- 
 TUTED KISSING ON NEW-YEAR'S DAY — HOW 
 HE DISTRIBUTED FIDDLES THROUGHOUT THE 
 NEW NETHERI.ANDS — HOW HE VENTURED TO 
 REFORM THE I^ADIES' PETTICOATS, AND HOW 
 HE CAUGHT A TARTAR. 
 
 FROM what I have recounted in the foregoing 
 chapter I would not have it imagined that 
 the great Peter was a tyrannical potentate, rul- 
 ing with a rod of iron. On the contrary, where 
 the dignity of office permitted, he abounded in 
 generosity and condescension. If he refused 
 the brawling multitude the right of misrule, he 
 at least endeavored to rule them in righteous- 
 ness. To spread abundance in the land, he 
 obliged the bakers to give thirteen loaves to the 
 dozen, — a golden rule which remains a mon- 
 ument of his beneficence. So far from indul- 
 ging in unreasonable austerity, he delighted to
 
 Ikissfng on IRew l^cars 231 
 
 see the poor aud the laboring man rejoice ; and 
 for this purpose he was a great promoter of holi- 
 days. Under his reign there was a great crack- 
 ling of Eggs at Paas or Easter ; Whitsuntide or 
 Pinxter also flourished in all its bloom ; and 
 never were stockings better filled on the eve of 
 the blessed St. Nicholas. 
 
 New- Year's day, however, was his favorite 
 festival, and was ushered in by the ringing of 
 bells and firing of guns. On that genial day 
 the fountains of hospitality were broken up, 
 and the whole community was deluged with 
 cherry -brandy, true Hollands, and mulled cider ; 
 every house was a temple of the jolly god ; and 
 many a provident vagabond got drunk out of 
 ■pure economy — taking in liquor enough gratis 
 to serve him half a year afterwards. 
 
 The great assemblage, however, was at the 
 governor's house, whither repaired all the burgh- 
 ers of New Amsterdam with their wives and 
 daughters, pranked out in their best attire. On 
 this occasion the good Peter was devoutly ob- 
 servant of the pious Dutch rite of kissing the 
 ■womenkind for a happy new-year ; and it is 
 traditional that Antony the Trumpeter, who 
 acted as gentleman usher, took toll of all who 
 were young and handsome, as they passed 
 through the antechamber. This venerable 
 custom, thus happily introduced, was followed
 
 232 1bi6tori5 ot IFlew l^orft 
 
 with such zeal by high and low, that on New- 
 Year's day, during the reign of Peter Stuyve- 
 sant, New Amsterdam was the most thoroughly 
 be-kissed community in all Christendom. An- 
 other great measure of Peter Stuyvesant for 
 public improvement was the distribution of 
 fiddles throughout the land. These were placed 
 in the hands of veteran negroes, who were de- 
 spatched as missionaries to every part of the 
 province. This measure, it is said, was first 
 suggested by Antony the Trumpeter ; and the 
 effect was marvellous. Instead of those "in- 
 dignation meetings " set on foot in the time of 
 William the Testy, where men met together to 
 rail at public abuses, groan over the evils of 
 the times, and make each other miserable, there 
 were joyous gatherings of the two sexes to 
 dance and make merry. Now were instituted 
 " quilting bees, " and "husking bees," and other 
 rural assemblages, where, under the inspiring 
 influence of the fiddle, toil was enlivened by 
 gayety and followed up by the dance. "Raising 
 bees " also were frequent, where houses sprung 
 up at the wagging of the fiddle-sticks, as the 
 walls of Thebes sprang up of yore to the sound 
 of the lyre of Amphiou. 
 
 Jolly autumn, which pours its treasures ovei 
 hill and dale, was in those days a season for the 
 lifting of the heel as well as the heart ; labor
 
 t)apps Dags 233 
 
 came danciug in the train of abundance, and 
 frolic prevailed throughout the land. Happy- 
 days ! when the yeomanry of the Nieuw Neder- 
 landts were merry rather than wise ; and when 
 the notes of the fiddle, those harbingers of good- 
 humor and good-will, resounded at the close of 
 the day from every hamlet along the Hudson ! 
 
 Nor was it in rural communities alone that 
 Peter Stuyvesant introduced his favorite engine 
 of civilization. Under his rule the fiddle ac- 
 quired that potent sway in New Amsterdam 
 which it has ever since retained. "Weekly as- 
 semblages were held, not in heated ball-rooms 
 at midnight hours, but on Saturday afternoons, 
 by the golden light of the sun, on the green 
 lawn of the Batter}', — with Antony the trump- 
 eter for master of ceremonies. Here would the 
 good Peter take his seat under the spreading 
 trees, among the old burghers and their wives, 
 and watch the mazes of the dance. Here would 
 he smoke his pipe, crack his joke, and forget 
 the rugged toils of war in the sweet oblivious 
 festivities of peace, giving a nod of approbation 
 to those of the young men who shuffled and 
 kicked most vigorously, and now and then a 
 hearty smack, in all honesty of soul, to the 
 buxom lass who held out longest, and tired 
 down every competitor, — infallible proof of her 
 being the best dancer.
 
 234 tbistor^ of mew l^ork 
 
 Once, it is true, tlie harmony of these meet- 
 ings was in danger of interruption. A young 
 belle, just returned from a visit to Holland, 
 who of course led the fashions, made her ap- 
 pearance in not more than half a dozen petti- 
 coats, and these of alarming shortness. A 
 whisper and a flutter ran through the assembly. 
 The young men, of covirse, were lost in admira- 
 tion, but the old ladies were shocked in the 
 extreme, especially those who had marriageable 
 daughters ; the young ladies blushed and felt 
 excessively for the "poor thing," and even the 
 governor himself appeared to be in some kind 
 of perturbation. 
 
 To complete the confusion of the good folks, 
 she undertook, in the course of a jig, to describe 
 some figures in algebra taught her by a dan- 
 cing-master at Rotterdam. Unfortunately, at 
 the highest flourish of her feet some vagabond 
 zephyr obtruded his services, and a display of 
 the graces took place, at which all the ladies 
 present were thrown into great consternation, 
 several grave country members were not a little 
 moved, and the good Peter Stuyvesant himself 
 was grievously scandalized. 
 
 The shortness of the female's dress, which 
 had continued in fashion ever since the days of 
 William Kieft, had long offended his eye ; and 
 though extremely averse to meddling with the
 
 :i£jbibitina tbe ©races 235 
 
 petticoats of the ladies, yet he immediately 
 recommended that every one should be fur- 
 nished with a flounce to the bottom. He like- 
 wise ordered that the ladies, and indeed the 
 gentlemen, should use no other step in dancing 
 than ' * shuffle and turn, ' ' and * ' double trouble, ' ' 
 and forbade, under pain of his high displeas- 
 ure, any young lady thenceforth to attempt 
 what was termed "exhibiting the graces." 
 
 These were the only restrictions he ever im- 
 posed upon the sex ; and these were considered 
 by them as tyrannical oppressions, and resisted 
 with that becoming spirit manifested by the 
 gentle sex whenever their privileges are in- 
 vaded. In fact, Antony Van Corlear, who, as 
 has been shovra, was a sagacious man, experi- 
 enced in the ways of women, took a private 
 occasion to intimate to the governor that a con- 
 spiracy was forming among the young vrouws 
 of New Amsterdam, and that if the matter was 
 pushed any further, there was danger of their 
 leaving off petticoats altogether ; whereupon 
 the good Peter shrugged his shoulders, dropped 
 the subject, and ever after suffered the women 
 to wear their petticoats and cut their capers as 
 high as they pleased, a privilege which they 
 have jealously maintained in the Manhattoes 
 imto the present day.
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 HOW troubi.es thicken on the province 
 
 — how it is threatened by the HEI.DER- 
 BERGERS — THE MERRYI.ANDERS, AND THE 
 GIANTS OE THE SUSQUEHANNA. 
 
 IN the last two chapters I have regaled the 
 reader with a delectable picture of the 
 good Peter and his metropolis during an inter- 
 val of peace. It was, however, but a bit of blue 
 sky in a stormy day; the clouds are again 
 gathering up from all points of the compass, 
 and, if I am not mistaken in my forebodings, 
 we shall have rattling weather in the ensuing 
 chapters. 
 
 It is with some communities as it is with 
 certain meddlesome individuals : they have a 
 wonderful facility at getting into scrapes ; and 
 I have always remarked that those are most 
 prone to get in who have the least talent at 
 getting out again. This is doubtless owing to
 
 Zvoublcs 0atbering 237 
 
 the excessive valor of those States ; for I have 
 likewise noticed that this rampant quality is 
 always most frothy and fussy where most con- 
 fined, which accounts for its vaporing so amaz- 
 ingly in little States, little men, and ugly little 
 women more especially. 
 
 Such is the case with this little province of 
 the Nieuw Nederlandts, which, by its exceed- 
 ing valor, has already drawn upon itself a host 
 of enemies ; has had fighting enough to satisfy 
 a province twice its size ; and is in a fair way 
 of becoming an exceedingly forlorn, well- 
 belabored, and woe-begone little pro\-ince, all 
 which was pro\4dentially ordered to give inter- 
 est and sublimity to this pathetic history. 
 
 The first interruption to the halcyon quiet of 
 Peter Stuyvesant was caused by hostile intelli- 
 gence from the old belligerent nest of Rensel- 
 laerstein. Killian, the lordly patroon of Rensel- 
 laerwick, was again in the field, at the head of 
 his myrmidons of the Helderberg, seeking to 
 annex the whole of the Kaats-kill Mountains 
 to his dominions. The Indian tribes of these 
 mountains had likewise taken up the hatchet 
 and menaced the venerable Dutch settlement 
 of Esopus. 
 
 Fain would I entertain the reader ^vith the 
 triumphant campaign of Peter Stuyvesant in 
 the haimted regions of those mountains, but
 
 238 Ibistor^ of Bevv lork 
 
 that I hold all Indian conflicts to be mere bar- 
 baric brawls, unworthy of the pen which has re- 
 corded the classic war of Fort Christina; and 
 as to these Helderberg commotions, they are 
 among the flatulencies which from time to time 
 afilict the bowels of this ancient province, as 
 with a wind-colic, and which I deem it seemly 
 and decent to pass over in silence. 
 
 The next storm of trouble was from the south. 
 Scarcely had the worthy Mynheer Beekman got 
 warm in the seat of authority on the South 
 River, than enemies began to spring up all 
 around him. Hard by was a formidable race 
 of savages inhabiting the gentle region watered 
 by the Susquehanna, of whom the following 
 mention is made by Master Hariot, in his excel- 
 lent history : 
 
 "The Susquesahanocks are a giantly people, 
 strange in proportion, behavior, and attire — their 
 voice sounding from them as out of a cave. 
 Their tobacco-pipes were three quarters of a 
 }'ard long ; carved at the great end with a bird, 
 beare, or other device, suflicient to beat out the 
 brains of a horse. The calfe of one of their 
 legges measured three quarters of a yard about ; 
 the rest of the limbs proportionable." * 
 
 These gigantic savages and smokers caused 
 no little disquiet in the mind of Mynheer Beek- 
 *Hariot's Journal, Purch. Pilgrims.
 
 Zbc ^errglanDers 239 
 
 man, threatening to cause a famine of tobacco in 
 the land ; but his most formidable enemy was the 
 roaring, roistering English colony of Maryland, 
 or, as it was anciently written, Merryland, — so 
 called because the inhabitants, not having the 
 fear of the Lord before their eyes, were prone to 
 make merry and get fuddled with mint-julep 
 and apple-toddy. They were, moreover, great 
 horse-racers and cock-fighters, mighty wrestlers 
 and jumpers, and enormous consumers of hoe- 
 cake and bacon. They lay claim to be the first 
 inventors of those recondite beverages, cock-tail, 
 stone-fence, and sherry-cobbler, and to have dis- 
 covered the gastronomical merits of terrapins 
 soft crabs, and canvas-back ducks. 
 
 This rantipole colony, founded by Lord Balti- 
 more, a British nobleman, was managed by his 
 agent, a swaggering Englishman, commonly 
 called Fendall, that is to say, "offend all," — a 
 name given him for his bullying propensities. 
 These were seen in a message to Mynheer 
 Beekman, threatening him, unless he immedi- 
 ately swore allegiance to Lord Baltimore as the 
 rightful lord of the soil, to come, at the head of 
 the roaring boys of Merryland and the giants of 
 the Susquehanna, and sweep him and his Neder- 
 landers out of the countn,'. 
 
 The trusty sword of Peter Stuyvesant almost 
 leaped from its scabbard when he received mis-
 
 240 1bi5tor^ ot 1Flcw lock 
 
 sives from Mynheer Beekman, informing him 
 of the swaggering menaces of the bully Fendall ; 
 and as to the giantly warriors of the Susque- 
 hanna, nothing would have more delighted him 
 than a bout, hand to hand, with half a score of 
 them, having never encountered a giant in the 
 whole course of his campaigns, unless we may 
 consider the stout Risingh as such — and he was 
 but a little one. 
 
 Nothing prevented his marching instantly to 
 the South River and enacting scenes still more 
 glorious than those of Fort Christina, but the 
 necessity of first putting a stop to the increasing 
 aggressions and inroads of the Yankees, so as 
 not to leave an enemy in his rear ; but he 
 wrote to Mynheer Beekman to keep up a bold 
 front and stout heart, promising, as soon as he 
 had settled affairs in the east, that he would 
 hasten to the south with his burly warriors of 
 the Hudson, to lower the crest of the giants, 
 and mar the merriment of the Merrylanders.
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 HOW PETER STUYVESANT ADVENTURED INTO 
 THE EAST COUNTRY, AND HOW HE FARED 
 THERE. 
 
 TO explain the apparently sudden movement 
 of Peter Stuyvesant against the crafty 
 men of the Bast country, I would observe that, 
 during his campaigns on the South River, and 
 in the enchanted regions of the Catskill Moun- 
 tains, the twelve tribes of the East had been 
 more than usually active in prosecuting their 
 subtle scheme for the subjugation of the Nieuw 
 Nederlandts. 
 
 Independent of the incessant maraudings 
 among hen-roosts and squattings along the 
 border, invading armies would penetrate, from 
 time to time, into the very heart of the country. 
 As their prototypes of yore went forth into the 
 land of Canaan, with their wives and their chil- 
 dren, their men-servants, and their maid-ser- 
 vants, their flocks and herds, to settle them- 
 selves down in the land and possess it, so these
 
 242 tbistorg of IRcw lork 
 
 chosen people of modem days would progress 
 through the country in patriarchal style, con- 
 ducting carts and wagons laden with household 
 furniture, with women and children piled on top, 
 and pots and kettles dangling beneath. At the 
 tails of these vehicles would stalk a crew of 
 long-limbed, lank-sided varlets, with axes on 
 their shoulders and packs on their backs, reso- 
 lutely bent upon ' ' locating ' ' themselves as they 
 termed it, and improving the country. These 
 were the most dangerous kind of invaders. It 
 is true they were guilty of no overt acts of hos- 
 tility ; but it was notorious that, wherever they 
 got a footing, the honest Dutchman gradually 
 disappeared, retiring slowly, as do the Indians be- 
 fore the white men, being in some way or other 
 talked and chafied, and bargained and swapped, 
 and, in plain English, elbowed out of all those 
 rich bottoms and fertile nooks in which our 
 Dutch yeomanry are prone to nestle them- 
 selves. 
 
 Peter Stuyvesant was at length roused to this 
 kind of war in disguise, by which the Yankees 
 were craftily aiming to subjugate his dominions. 
 He was a man easily taken in, it is true, as all 
 great-hearted men are apt to be ; but if he once 
 fouud it out, his wrath was terrible. He now 
 threw diplomacy to the dogs ; determined to 
 appear no more by ambassadors, but to repair
 
 XLbc (Bovcrnor's tRceolvc 243 
 
 in person to the great council of the Amphicty- 
 ons, bearing the sword in one hand and the 
 olive branch in the other, and giving them their 
 choice of sincere and honest peace, or open and 
 iron war. 
 
 His privy councillors were astonished and dis- 
 mayed when he announced his determination. 
 For once they ventured to remonstrate, setting 
 forth the rashness of venturing his sacred per- 
 son in the midst of a strange and barbarous 
 people. They might as well have tried to turn 
 a rusty weathercock with a broken-winded bel- 
 lows. In the fiery heart of the iron-headed 
 Peter sat enthroned the five kings of courage 
 described by Aristotle ; and had the philosopher 
 enumerated five hundred more, I verily believe 
 he would have possessed them all. As to that 
 better part of valor, called discretion, it was too 
 cold-blooded a virtue for his tropical tempera- 
 ment. 
 
 Summoning, therefore, to his presence his 
 trusty follower, Antony Van Corlear, he com- 
 manded him to hold himself in readiness to ac- 
 company him the following morning on this his 
 hazardous enterprise. Now, Antony the Trum- 
 peter was by this time a little stricken in years, 
 but by dint of keeping up a good heart, and 
 having never known care or sorrow (having 
 never been married), he was still a hearty, jo-
 
 244 1bi6torB ot Bew l^orft 
 
 cund, rubicund, gamesome wag, and of great 
 capacity in a doublet. This last was ascribed 
 to his living a jolly life on those domains at the 
 Hook, which Peter Stuyvesant had granted to 
 him for his gallantry at Fort Casimir. 
 
 Be this as it may, there was nothing that more 
 delighted Antony than this command of the 
 great Peter, for he could have followed the 
 stout-hearted old governor to the world's end, 
 with love and loyalty ; and he moreover still 
 remembered the frolicking, and dancing, and 
 bundling, and other disports of the east country, 
 and entertained dainty recollections of numer- 
 ous kind and buxom lasses, whom he longed 
 exceedingly again to encounter. 
 
 Thus then did this mirror of hardihood set 
 forth, with no other attendant but his tnunpeter, 
 upon one of the most perilous enterprises ever 
 recorded in the annals of knight-errantry. For 
 a single warrior to venture openly among a 
 whole nation of foes, — but, above all, for a plain, 
 downright Dutchman to think of negotiating 
 with the whole council of New England ! — 
 never was there knov/n a more desperate under- 
 taking ! — Ever since I have entered upon the 
 chronicles of this peerless but hitherto uncele- 
 brated chieftain, has he kept me in a state of 
 incessant action and anxiety with the toils and 
 dangers he is constantly encountering. Oh !
 
 ^be departure 245 
 
 for a chapter of the tranquil reign of Wouter 
 Van Twiller, that I might repose on it as on a 
 feather-bed ! 
 
 Is it not enough, Peter Stuyvesant, that I 
 have once already rescued thee from the machi- 
 nations of these terrible Amphictyons, by bring- 
 ing the powers of v.'itchcraft to thine aid ? Is 
 it not enough that I have followed thee un- 
 daunted, like a guardian spirit, into the midst 
 of the horrid battle of Fort Christina ?— that I 
 have been put incessantly to my trumps to keep 
 thee safe and sound, — now warding off with my 
 single pen the shower of dastard blows that fell 
 upon thy rear, — now narrowly shielding thee 
 from a deadly thrust, by a mere tobacco-box, — 
 now casing thy dauntless skull with adamant, 
 when even thy stubborn ram-beaver failed to 
 resist the sword of the stout Risingh, — and now, 
 not merely bringing thee off alive, but triumph- 
 ant, from the clutches of the gigantic Swede, by 
 the desperate means of a paltry stone pottle ? 
 Is not all this enough, but must thou still be 
 plunging into new difficulties, and hazarding in 
 headlong enterprise thyself, thy trumpeter, and 
 thy historian ? 
 
 And now the ruddy-faced Aurora, like a bux- 
 om chambermaid, draws aside the sable curtains 
 of the night, and out bounces from his bed the 
 jolly red-haired Phcebus, startled at being
 
 246 tbiatorg of IFlcw lock 
 
 caught so late in the embraces of Dame Thetis. 
 With many a stable-boy oath he harnesses his 
 brazen-footed steeds, and whips, and lashes, and 
 splashes up the firmament, like a loitering 
 coachman, half an hour behind his time. And 
 now behold that imp of fame and prowess, the 
 headstrong Peter bestriding a raw-boned, switch- 
 tailed charger, gallantly arrayed in full regi- 
 mentals, and bracing on his thigh that rusty, 
 brass-hilted sword, which had wrought such 
 fearful deeds on the banks of the Delaware. 
 
 Behold hard after him his doughty tnmipeter, 
 Van Corlear, mounted on a broken-winded, 
 "wall-eyed, calico mare, his stone pottle, which 
 had laid low the mighty Risingh, slung under 
 his arm, and his trumpet displayed vaultingly 
 in his right hand, decorated with a gorgeous 
 banner, on which is emblazoned the great 
 beaver of the Manhattoes. See them proudly 
 issuing out of the city-gate, like an iron-clad 
 hero of yore, with his faithful squire at his heels, 
 the populace following with their eyes, and 
 shouting many a parting wish, and hearty cheer- 
 ing, — Farewell Hardkoppig Piet ! Farewell, 
 honest Antony ! — Pleasant be your wayfaring — 
 prosperous your return ! The stoutest hero 
 that ever drew a sword, and the worthiest trum- 
 peter that ever trod shoe-leather ! 
 
 Legends are lamentably silent about the events
 
 5)(fficultlc0 anD perils 247 
 
 that befell our adventurers in this their adven- 
 turous travel, excepting the Stuyvesant manu- 
 script, which gives the substance of a pleasant 
 little heroic poem, written on the occasion by- 
 Dominie ^gidius Luyck,* who appears to have 
 been the poet-laureate of New Amsterdam. 
 This inestimable manuscript assures us that it 
 was a rare spectacle to behold the great Peter 
 and his loyal follower hailing the morning sun, 
 and rejoicing in the clear countenance of nature, 
 as they pranced it through the pastoral scenes 
 of Bloemen Dael ; which, in those days, was a 
 sweet and rural valley, beautified with many a 
 bright wild-flower, refreshed by many a pure 
 streamlet, and enlivened here and there by a 
 delectable little Dutch cottage, sheltered under 
 some sloping hill, and almost buried in em- 
 bowering trees. 
 
 Now did they enter upon the confines of Con- 
 necticut, where they encountered many grievous 
 difficulties and perils. At one place they were 
 assailed by a troop of country squires and militia 
 colonels, who, mounted on goodly steeds, hung 
 upon their rear for several miles, harassing them 
 exceedingly with guesses and questions, more 
 especially the worthy Peter, whose silver-chased 
 
 * This I^uyck was moreover rector of the I,atin School 
 in Nieuw Nederlandts, 1663. There are two pieces ad- 
 dressed to ^gidius Ivuyck in D. Seljm's MSS. of poesies, 
 upon his marriage with Judith Iseudoom. Old MS,
 
 248 f)i5tors of IRcw lorft 
 
 leg excited not a little mangel. At another 
 place, hard by the renowned town of Stamford, 
 they were set upon by a great and mighty legion 
 of church deacons, who imperiously demanded 
 of them five shillings, for travelling on Sunday, 
 and threatened to carry them captive to a neigh- 
 boring church, whose steeple peered above the 
 trees ; but these the valiant Peter put to rout 
 with little diflSculty, insomuch that they bestrode 
 their canes and galloped off in horrible confu- 
 sion, leaving their cocked hats behind in the 
 hurry of their flight. But not so easily did he 
 escape from the hands of a crafty man of Py- 
 quag, who, with undaunted perseverance, and 
 repeated onsets, fairly bargained him out of his 
 goodly switch-tailed charger, leaving in place 
 thereof a villainous, foundered Narraganset 
 pacer. 
 
 But maugre all these hardships, they pursued 
 their journey cheerily along the course of the 
 soft-flowing Connecticut, whose gentle waves, 
 says the song, roll through many a fertile vale 
 and sunny plain, — now reflecting the lofty spires 
 of the bustling city, and now the rural beauties 
 of the humble hamlet, — now echoing with the 
 busy hum of commerce, and now with the cheer- 
 ful song of the peasant. 
 
 At every town would Peter Stuyvesant, who 
 was noted for warlike punctilio, order the sturdy
 
 f)onor0 to tbe l)cro 249 
 
 Antony to sound a courteous salutation ; though 
 the manuscript observes that the inhabitants 
 were thrown into great dismay when they heard 
 of his approach. For the fame of his incompar- 
 able achievements on the Delaware had spread 
 throughout the east country, and they dreaded 
 lest he had come to take vengeance on their 
 manifold transgressions. 
 
 But the good Peter rode through these towns 
 with a smiling aspect, waving his hand with 
 inexpressible majesty and condescension ; for he 
 verily believed that the old clothes which these 
 ingenious people had thrust into their broken 
 windows, and the festoons of dried apples and 
 peaches which ornamented the fronts of their 
 houses, were so many decorations in honor of 
 his approach, as it was the custom in the days 
 of chivalry to compliment renowned heroes by 
 sumptuous displays of tapestry and gorgeous 
 furniture. The women crowded to the doors to 
 gaze upon him as he passed, so much does 
 prowess in arms delight the gentle sex. The 
 little children, too, ran after him in troops, 
 staring with wonder at his regimentals, his 
 brimstone breeches, and the silver garniture of 
 his wooden leg. Nor must I omit to mention 
 the joy which many strapping wenches betrayed 
 at beholding the jovial Van Corlear, who had 
 whilom delighted them so much with his trump-
 
 250 Ibistors ot 1FICW l^orFi 
 
 et, when he bore the great Peter's challenge to 
 the Amphictyons. The kind-hearted Antony- 
 alighted from his calico mare, and kissed them 
 all with infinite loving-kindness, — and was right 
 pleased to see a crew of little trumpeters crowd- 
 ing around him for his blessing, each of whom 
 he patted on the head, bade him be a good boy, 
 and gave him a penny to buy molasses candy.
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 HOW THE YANKEES SECRETIvY SOUGHT THE AID 
 OF THE BRITISH CABINET IN THEIR HOSTII^E 
 SCHEMES AGAINST THE MANHATTOES. 
 
 NOW SO it happened that while the great 
 and good Peter Stuyvesant, followed by his 
 trusty squire, was making his chivalric progress 
 through the East country, a dark and direful 
 scheme of war against his beloved province was 
 forming in that nursery of monstrous projects, 
 the British Cabinet. 
 
 This, we are confidently informed, was the 
 result of the secret instigations of the great 
 council of the league ; who, finding themselves 
 totally incompetent to vie in arms with the 
 heavy-sterned warriors of the Manhattoes and 
 their iron-headed commander, sent emissaries 
 to the British government, setting forth in elo- 
 quent language the wonders and delights of this 
 delicious little Dutch Canaan, and imploring
 
 252 Ibistor^ ot Bew l^orft 
 
 that a force might be sent out to invade it by 
 pea, while they should cooperate by land. 
 
 These emissaries arrived at a critical juncture, 
 just as the British Lion was beginning to bristle 
 up his mane and wag his tail ; for we are assured 
 by the anonymous writer of the Stuyvesant 
 manuscript, that the astounding victory of Peter 
 Stuyvesant at Fort Christina had resounded 
 throughout Europe, and his annexation of the 
 territory of New Sweden had awakened the 
 jealousy of the British Cabinet for their wild 
 lands at the south. This jealousy was brought 
 to a head by the representations of Lord Balti- 
 more, who declared that the territory thus an- 
 nexed lay within the lands granted to him by 
 the British crown, and he claimed to be protect- 
 ed in his rights. Lord Sterling, another British 
 subject, claimed the whole of Nassau, or Long 
 Island, once the Ophir of William the Testy, 
 but now the kitchen-garden of the Manhattoes, 
 which he declared to be British territory by the 
 right of discovery, but unjustly usurped by the 
 Nederlanders. The result of all these rumors 
 and representations was a sudden zeal on the 
 part of his Majesty Charles the Second, for the 
 safety and well-being of his transatlantic posses- 
 sions, and especially for the recovery of the New 
 Netherlands, which Yankee logic had, somehow 
 or other, proved to be a continuity of the terri-
 
 Zcnl of fjins Gbarles 253 
 
 tory taken possession of for the British crown 
 by the Pilgrims, when they landed on Plymouth 
 Rock, fugitives from British oppression. All 
 this goodly land, thus wrongfully held by the 
 Dutchmen, he presented, in a fit of affection, to 
 his brother, the Duke of York, — a donation 
 truly royal, since none but great sovereigns 
 have a right to give away what does not belong 
 to them. That this munificent gift might not 
 be merely nominal, his Majesty ordered that an 
 armament should be straightway despatched to 
 invade the city of New Amsterdam by land and 
 water, and put his brother in complete posses- 
 sion of the premises. 
 
 Thus critically situated are the affairs of the 
 New Nederlanders. While the honest burghers 
 are smoking their pipes in sober security, and 
 the pri\'y councillors are snoring in the council- 
 chamber ; while Peter the Headstrong is un- 
 dauntedly making his way through the east 
 country in the confident hope by honest words 
 and manly deeds to bring the grand council to 
 terms, — a hostile fleet is sweeping like a thun- 
 der-cloud across the Atlantic, soon to rattle a 
 storm of war about the ears of the dozing Neder- 
 landers, and to put the metal of their governor 
 to the trial. 
 
 But come what may, I here pledge my ve- 
 racity that in all warlike conflicts and doubtful
 
 254 
 
 Ibistons of IRcw l^orft 
 
 perplexities he will ever acquit himself like 
 a gallant, noble-minded, obstinate old cavalier. 
 Forward, then, to the charge ! Shine out, 
 propitious stars, on the renowned city of the 
 Manhattoes, and the blessing of St. Nicholas go 
 with thee — honest Peter Stuyvesant.
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 O^ PETER STUYVES ANT'S EXPEDITION INTO 
 THE EAST COUNTRY, SHOWING THAT, THOUGH 
 AN OI.D BIRD, HE DID NOT UNDERSTAND 
 TRAP. 
 
 GREAT nations resemble great men in this 
 particular, that their greatness is seldom 
 known until they get in trouble. Adversity, 
 therefore, has been wisely denominated the or- 
 deal of true greatness, which, like gold, can 
 never receive its real estimation until it has 
 passed through the furnace. In proportion, 
 therefore, as a nation, a community, or an indi- 
 vidual (possessing the inherent quality of great- 
 ness) is involved in perils and misfortunes, in 
 proportion does it rise in grandeur, and even 
 when sinking under calamity, makes, like a 
 house on fire, a more glorious display than 
 ever it did in the fairest period of its prosperity.
 
 256 l)i6tors of IWcw l^orft 
 
 The vast empire of China, though teeming 
 with population and imbibing and concentrating 
 the wealth of nations, has vegetated through a 
 succession of drowsy ages, and were it not for 
 its internal revolutions and the subversion of 
 its ancient government by the Tartars, might 
 have presented nothing but a dull detail of 
 monotonous prosperity. Pompeii and Hercu- 
 laneum might have passed into oblivion, with a 
 herd of their contemporaries, had they not been 
 fortunately overwhelmed by a volcano. The 
 renowned city of Troy acquired celebrity only 
 from its ten years' distress and final con- 
 flagration ; Paris rose in importance by the 
 plots and massacres which ended in the ex- 
 altation of Napoleon ; and even the mighty 
 London had skulked through the records of 
 time, celebrated for nothing of moment, ex- 
 cepting the plague, the great fire, and Guy 
 Fawkes' gunpowder plot ! Thus cities and em- 
 pires creep along, enlarging in silent obscurity, 
 until they burst forth in some tremendous ca- 
 lamity — and snatch, as it were, immortality 
 from the explosion ! 
 
 The above principle being admitted, my reader 
 will plainly perceive that the city of New Am- 
 sterdam and its dependent province are on the 
 high road to greatness. Dangers and hostil- 
 ities threaten from every side, and it is really a
 
 Brrfval at JBoston 257 
 
 matter of astonishment how so small a state has 
 been able, in so short a time, to entangle itself in 
 so many difficulties. Ever since the province 
 was first taken by the nose, at the Fort of Goed 
 Hoop, in the tranquil days of Wouter Van Twil- 
 ler, has it been gradually increasing in historic 
 importance, and never could it have had a more 
 appropriate chieftain to conduct it to the pin- 
 nacle of grandeur than Peter Stuy vesant. 
 
 This truly headstrong hero having success- 
 fully effected his daring progress through the 
 east country, girded up his loins as he ap- 
 proached Boston, and prepared for the grand 
 onslaught with the Amyhictyons, which was to 
 be the crowning achievement of the campaign. 
 Throwing Antony Van Corlear, who, with his 
 calico mare, formed his escort and army, a little 
 in the advance, and bidding him be of stout 
 heart and great wind, he placed himself firmly 
 in his saddle, cocked his hat more fiercely over 
 his left eye, summoned all the heroism of his 
 soul into his coimtenance, and, with one arm 
 akimbo, the hand resting upon the pommel of 
 his sword, rode into the great metropolis of the 
 league, Antony sounding his trumpet before 
 hkn in a manner to electrify the whole com- 
 munity. 
 
 Never was there such a stir in Boston as on 
 this occasion ; never such a hurrying hither and
 
 258 Ibistorg of Bew l^orft 
 
 thither about the streets ; such popping of heads 
 out of windows ; such gathering of knots in 
 market-places. Peter Stuyvesant was a straight- 
 forward man and prone to do every thing above- 
 board. He would have ridden at once to the 
 great council-house of the league and sounded 
 a parley ; but the grand council knew the met- 
 tlesome hero they had to deal with, and were not 
 for doing things in a hurry. On the contrary, 
 they sent forth deputations to meet him on the 
 way, to receive him in a style befitting the 
 great potentate of the Manhattoes, and to multi- 
 ply all kind of honors, and ceremonies, and for- 
 malities, and other courteous impediments in 
 his path. Solemn banquets were accordingly 
 given him, equal to thanksgiving feasts. Com- 
 plimentary speeches were made him, wherein 
 he was entertained with the surpassing virtues, 
 long-sufferings, and achievements of the Pil- 
 grim Fathers ; and it is even said he was treated 
 to a sight of Plymouth Rock, — that great cor- 
 ner-stone of Yankee empire. 
 
 I will not detain my readers by recounting 
 the endless devices by which time was wasted, 
 and obstacles and delays multiplied to the in- 
 finite annoyance of the impatient Peter. Nei- 
 ther will I fatigue them by dwelling on his 
 negotiations with the grand council, when he 
 at length brought them to business. Sufl5ce it
 
 BstounDlng "ffntelliacncc 259 
 
 to say, it was like most other diplomatic nego- 
 tiations ; a great deal was said and very little 
 done ; one conversation led to another, one con- 
 ference begot misunderstandings which it took 
 a dozen conferences to explain, at the end of 
 which both parties found themselves just where 
 they had begun, but ten times less likely to 
 come to an agreement. 
 
 In the midst of these perplexities which be- 
 wildered the brain and incensed the ire of hon- 
 est Peter, he received private intelligence of 
 the dark conspiracy matured in the British 
 Cabinet, with the astounding fact that a British 
 squadron was already on the way to invade New 
 Amsterdam by sea, and that the grand council 
 of Amphictyons, while thus beguiling him with 
 subtleties, were actually prepared to cooperate 
 by land ! 
 
 Oh ! how did the sturdy old warrior rage and 
 roar, when he found himself thus entrapped, 
 like a lion in the hunter's toil ! Now did he 
 draw his trusty sword, and determine to break 
 in upon the council of the Amphictyons and 
 put every mother's son of them to death. Now 
 did he resolve to fight his way throughout all 
 the region of the east and to lay waste Connec- 
 ticut River ! 
 
 Gallant, but unfortunate Peter ! Did I not 
 enter with sad forebodings on this ill-starred
 
 26o Ibistorg ot "ftew l^ocft 
 
 expedition ? Did I not tremble when I saw 
 thee, with no other counsellor than thine own 
 head ; no other armor than an honest tongue, 
 a spotless conscience, and a rusty sword; no 
 other protector but St. Nicholas, and no other 
 attendant but a trumpeter ; did I not tremble 
 when I beheld thee thus sally forth to contend 
 with all the knowing powers of New England ? 
 
 It was a long time before the kind-hearted 
 expostulations of Antony Van Corlear, aided by 
 the soothing melody of his trumpet, could lower 
 the spirits of Peter Stuyvesant from their war- 
 like and vindictive tones, and prevent his mak- 
 ing widows and orphans of half the population 
 of Boston. With great difficulty he was pre- 
 vailed upon to bottle up his wrath for the pres- 
 ent, to conceal from the council his knowledge 
 of their machinations, and by eflfecting his es- 
 cape, to be able to arrive in time for the salva- 
 tion of the Manhattoes. 
 
 The latter suggestion awakened a new ray of 
 hope in his bosom ; he forthwith despatched a 
 secret message to his councillors at New Am- 
 sterdam, apprising them of their danger, and 
 commanding them to put the city in a posture 
 of defence, promising to come as soon as pos- 
 sible to their assistance. This done, he felt 
 marvellously relieved, rose slowly, shook him- 
 self like a rhinoceros, and issued forth from his
 
 peter tbe IbeaDstrong 261 
 
 den, in much the same manner as Giant De- 
 spair is described to have issued from Doubting 
 Castle, in the chivalric history of the Pilgrim's 
 Progress. 
 
 And how much does it grieve me that I must 
 leave the gallant Peter in this imminent jeop- 
 ardy ; but it behooves us to hurry back and see 
 what is going on at New Amsterdam, for greatly 
 do I fear that city is already in a turmoil. Such 
 was ever the fate of Peter Stuyvesant ; while 
 doing one thing with heart and soul, he was 
 too apt to leave every thing else at sixes and 
 sevens. While, like a potentate of yore, he 
 was absent attending to those things in person 
 which in modem days are trusted to generals 
 and ambassadors, his little territory at home was 
 sure to get in an uproar ; — all which was owing 
 to that uncommon strength of intellect, which 
 induced him to trust to nobody but himself, and 
 which had acquired him the renowned appella- 
 tion of Peter the Headstrong.
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 HOW THE PEOPI^E OF NEW AMSTERDAM WERE 
 THROWN INTO A GREAT PANIC BY THE NEWS 
 OF THE THREATENED INVASION, AND THE 
 MANNER IN WHICH THEY FORTIFIED THEM- 
 SEI<VES. 
 
 THERE is no sight more truly interesting 
 to a philosopher than a community where 
 every individual has a voice in public afifairs, 
 where every individual considers himself the 
 Atlas of the nation, and where every individual 
 thinks it his duty to bestir himself for the good 
 of his country : I say, there is nothing more in- 
 teresting to a philosopher than such a commu- 
 nity in a sudden bustle of war. Such clamor 
 of tongues — such patriotic bawling — such run- 
 ning hither and thither — everybody in a hurry 
 — everybody in trouble — everybody in the way, 
 and everybody interrupting his neighbor — who 
 is busily employed in doing nothing ! It is like 
 witnessing a great fire, where the whole com- 
 munity are agog — some dragging about empty
 
 panic ot tbc people 263 
 
 engines — others scampering with full buckets, 
 and spilling the contents into their neighbor's 
 boots — and others ringing the church-bells all 
 night, by way of putting out the fire. Little 
 firemen, like sturdy little knights storming a 
 breach, clambering up and down scaling-lad- 
 ders, and bawling through tin trumpets, by 
 way of directing the attack. Here a fellow, in 
 his great zeal to save the property of the unfor- 
 tunate, catches up an anonymous chamber- 
 utensil, and gallants it oflF with an air of as 
 much self-importance as if he had rescued a 
 pot of money; there another throws looking- 
 glasses and china out of the window, to save 
 them from the flames ; whilst those who can do 
 nothing else run up and down the streets, keep- 
 ing up an incessant cry of Fire ! Fire ! Fire ! 
 "When the news arrived at Sinope," says 
 Lucian, — though I own the story is rather trite, 
 — "that Phillip was about to attack them, the 
 inhabitants were thrown into a violent alarm. 
 Some ran to furbish up their arms ; others rolled 
 stones to build up the walls, — everybody, in 
 short, was employed, and everybody in the way 
 of his neighbor. Diogenes alone could find 
 nothing to do ; whereupon, not to be idle when 
 the welfare of his country was at stake, he 
 tucked up his robe, and fell to rolling his tub 
 with might and main up and down the Gymna-
 
 264 1bl6tor^ ot naew fork 
 
 sium." In like manner did every mother's son 
 in the patriotic community of New Amsterdam, 
 on receiving the missive of Peter Stuyvesant, 
 busy himself most mightily in putting things 
 in confusion, and assisted the general uproar. 
 ** Every man " — said the Stuyvesant manuscript 
 " flew to arms ! " — by which is meant, that not 
 one of our honest Dutch citizens would venture 
 to church or to market without an old-fashioned 
 spit of a sword dangling at his side, and a long 
 Dutch fowling-piece on his shoulder ; nor would 
 he go out of a night without a lantern ; nor 
 turn a corner without first peeping cautiously 
 round, lest he should come unawares upon a 
 British army ; and we are informed that Stoffel 
 Brinkerhoff, who was considered by the old 
 women almost as brave a man as the governor 
 himself, actually had two one-pound swivels 
 mounted in his entry, one pointing out at the 
 front door, and the other at the back. 
 
 But the most strenuous measure resorted to 
 on this awful occasion, and one which has since 
 been found of wonderful efficacy, was to assem- 
 ble public meetings. These brawling convoca- 
 tions, I have already shown, were extremely 
 offensive to Peter Stuyr^esant ; but as this was a 
 moment of unusual agitation, and as the old 
 governor was not present to repress them, they 
 broke out with intolerable violence. Hither,
 
 public la^cctinQe 265 
 
 therefore, the orators and politicians repaired, 
 striving who should bawl loudest, and exceed 
 the others in hyperbolical bursts of patriotism, 
 and in resolutions to uphold and defend the 
 government. In these sage meetings it was re- 
 solved that they were the most enlightened, the 
 most dignified, the most formidable, and the 
 most ancient community upon the face of the 
 earth. This resolution being carried unani- 
 mously, another was immediately proposed, — 
 whether it were not possible and politic to ex- 
 terminate Great Britain ? upon which sixty- 
 nine members spoke in the aflBrmative, and 
 only one arose to suggest some doubts, — who, 
 as a punishment for his treasonable presump- 
 tion, was immediately seized by the mob, and 
 tarred and feathered, — which punishment being 
 equivalent to the Tarpeian Rock, he was after- 
 wards considered as an outcast from society, 
 and his opinion went for nothing. The ques- 
 tion, therefore, being unanimously carried in 
 the affirmative, it was recommended to the 
 grand council to pass it into a law ; which was 
 accordingly done. By this measure the hearts 
 of the people at large were wonderfully encour- 
 aged, and they waxed exceedingly choleric and 
 valorous. Indeed, the first paroxysm of alarm 
 having in some measure subsided, — the old 
 women having buried all the money they could
 
 266 l)(6tor^ ot l^ew lor?i 
 
 lay their hands on, and their husbands daily 
 getting fuddled with what was left, — the com- 
 munity began to stand even on the offensive. 
 Songs were manufactured in Low Dutch and 
 sung about the streets, wherein the English 
 were most wofully beaten, and shown no quar- 
 ter ; and popular addresses were made, wherein 
 it was proved, to a certainty, that the fate of 
 Old England depended upon the will of the 
 New Amsterdammers. 
 
 Finally, to strike a violent blow at the very 
 vitals of Great Britain, a multitude of the wiser 
 inhabitants assembled, and having purchased 
 all the British manufactures they could find, 
 they made thereof a huge bonfire ; and, in the 
 patriotic glow of the moment, every man pres- 
 ent, who had a hat or breeches of English work- 
 manship, pulled it off, and threw it into the 
 flames, — to the irreparable detriment, loss, and 
 ruin of the English manufacturers. In com- 
 memoration of this great exploit, they erected 
 a pole on the spot, with a device on top intended 
 to represent the province of Nieuw Nederlandts 
 destrojdng Great Britain, under the similitude 
 of an eagle picking the little island of Old 
 England out of the globe ; but either through 
 the unskilfulness of the sculptor, or his ill-timed 
 waggery, it bore a striking resemblance to a 
 goose, vainly striving to get hold of a dumpling.
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 HOW THE GRAND COUNCII, OF THE NEW NETH- 
 ERI.ANDS WERE MIRACUI<OUSI.Y GIFTED 
 WITH LONG TONGUES IN THE MOMENT OF 
 EMERGENCY — SHOWING THE VAI,UE OF 
 WORDS IN WARFARE. 
 
 IT will need but little penetration in any one 
 conversant with the ways of that wise but 
 windy potentate, the sovereign people, to dis- 
 cover that notwithstanding all the warlike blus- 
 ter and bustle of the last chapter, the city of 
 New Amsterdam was not a whit more prepared 
 for war than before. The privy councillors of 
 Peter Stuyvesant were aware of this ; and hav- 
 ing received his private orders to put the city 
 in an immediate posture of defence, they called 
 a meeting of the oldest and richest burghers to 
 assist them with their wisdom. These were 
 that order of citizens commonly termed **men 
 of the greatest weight in the community '* ;
 
 268 "fcistors of laew l^ork 
 
 their weight being estimated by the heaviness 
 of their heads and of their purses. Their wis- 
 dom, in fact, is apt to be of a ponderous kind, 
 and to hang like a millstone round the neck of 
 the community. 
 
 Two things were unanimously determined in 
 this assembly of venerables : first, that the city 
 required to be put in a state of defence ; and, 
 second, that, as the danger was imminent, 
 there should be no time lost ; which points 
 being settled, they fell to making long speeches 
 and belaboring one another in endless and in- 
 temperate disputes. For about this time was 
 this unhappy city first visited by that talking 
 endemic so prevalent in this country, and which 
 so invariably evinces itself wherever a number 
 of wise men assemble together, breaking out in 
 long windy speeches, caused, as physicians sup- 
 pose, by the foul air which is ever generated in 
 a crowd. Now it was, moreover, that they first 
 introduced the ingenious method of measuring 
 the merits of an harangue by the hour-glass, he 
 being considered the ablest orator who spoke 
 longest on a question. For which excellent in- 
 vention, it is recorded, we are indebted to the 
 same profound Dutch critic who judged of 
 books by their size. 
 
 This sudden passion for endless harangues, so 
 little consonant with the customary gravity and
 
 Bssemblg ot Dcnerables 269 
 
 taciturnity of our sage forefathers, was supposed 
 by certain philosophers to have been imbibed, 
 together with divers other barbarous propensi- 
 ties, from their savage neighbors ; who were 
 peculiarly noted for long talks and council-fires^ 
 and never undertook any affair of the least im- 
 portance without previous debates and ha- 
 rangues among their chiefs and old men. But 
 the real cause was, that the people, in electing 
 their representatives to the grand council, were 
 particular in choosing them for their talents at 
 talking, without inquiring whether they pos- 
 sessed the more rare, difficult, and ofttimes im- 
 portant talent of holding their tongues. The 
 consequence was, that this deliberative body 
 was composed of the most loquacious men in 
 the community. As they considered them- 
 selves placed there to talk, every man concluded 
 that his duty to his constituents, and, what is 
 more, his popularity with them, required that 
 he should harangue on every subject whether 
 he understood it or not. There was an ancient 
 mode of burying a chieftain, by every soldier 
 throwing his shield full of earth on the corpse, 
 until a mighty mound was formed ; so, when- 
 ever a question was brought forward in this 
 assembly, every member pressing forward to 
 throw on his quantum of wisdom, the subject 
 was quickly buried under a mountain of words.
 
 270 Distort ot IRcw l^orft 
 
 We are told that disciples, on entering the 
 school of Pythagoras, were for two years en- 
 joined silence, and forbidden either to ask ques- 
 tions or make remarks. After they had thus 
 acquired the inestimable art of holding their 
 tongues, they were gradually permitted to make 
 inquiries, and finally to communicate their 
 own opinions. 
 
 With what a beneficial effect could this wise 
 regulation of Pythagoras be introduced in mod- 
 em legislative bodies, — and how wonderfully 
 would it have tended to expedite business in 
 the grand council of the Manhattoes ! 
 
 At this perilous juncture the fatal word econ- 
 omy^ the stumbling-block of William the Testy, 
 had been once more set afloat, according to 
 which the cheapest plan of defence was insisted 
 upon as the best ; it being deemed a great stroke 
 of policy in furnishing powder to economize in 
 ball. 
 
 Thus did Dame Wisdom (whom the wags of 
 antiquity have humorously personified as a 
 woman) seem to take a mischievous pleasure 
 in jilting the venerable councillors of New Am- 
 sterdam. To add to the confusion, the old 
 factions of Short Pipes and Long Pipes, which 
 had been almost strangled by the herculean 
 grasp of Peter Stuyvesant, now sprang up with 
 tenfold vigor. Whatever was proposed by Short
 
 XLbc Conservatives 271 
 
 Pipe was opposed by the whole tribe of Long 
 Pipes, who, like true partisans, deemed it their 
 first duty to effect the downfall of their rivals ; 
 their second, to elevate themselves ; and their 
 third, to consult the public good ; though many 
 left the third consideration out of question alto- 
 gether. 
 
 In this great collision of hard heads it is 
 astonishing the number of projects that were 
 struck out, — projects which threw the wind- 
 mill system of William the Testy completely in 
 the background. These were almost uniformly 
 opposed by the "men of the greatest weight in 
 the community!" your weighty men, though 
 slow to devise, being always great at " negativ- 
 ing." Among these were a set of fat, self-im- 
 portant old burghers, who smoked their pipes, 
 and said nothing except to negative every plan 
 of defence proposed. These were that class of 
 "conservatives" who, having amassed a for- 
 tune, button up their pockets, shut their mouths, 
 sink, as it were, into themselves, and pass the 
 rest of their lives in the indwelling beatitude 
 of conscious wealth ; as some phlegmatic oyster, 
 having swallowed a pearl, closes its shell, sinks 
 in the mud, and devotes the rest of its life to the 
 conservation cf its treasure. Everj' plan of de- 
 fence seemed to these worthy old gentlemen 
 pregnant with ruin. An armed force was a le-
 
 272 1bi0torg of IFlcw IJock 
 
 gion of locusts preying upon the public property; 
 to fit out a naval armament was to throw their 
 money into the sea ; to build fortifications was 
 to bury it in the dirt. In short, they settled it 
 as a sovereign maxim, so long as their pockets 
 were ftdl, no matter how much they were 
 drubbed. A kick left no scar ; a broken head 
 cured itself; but an empty purse was of all 
 maladies the slowest to heal, and one in which 
 nature did nothing for the patient. 
 
 Thus did this venerable assembly of sages 
 lavish away that time which the urgency of 
 afiiairs rendered invaluable, in empty brawls and 
 long-winded speeches, without ever agreeing, 
 except on the point with which they started, 
 namely, that there was no time to be lost, and 
 delay was ruinous. At length, St. Nicholas, 
 taking compassion on their distracted situation, 
 and anxious to preserve them from anarchy, so 
 ordered that in the midst of one of their noisy 
 debates, on the subject of fortification and de- 
 fence, when they had nearly fallen to logger- 
 heads in consequence of not being able to 
 convince each other, the question was happily 
 settled by the sudden entrance of a messenger, 
 who informed them that a hostile fleet had ar- 
 rived, and was actually advancing up the bay !
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 IN WHICH THE TROUBI.ES OF NEW AMSTERDAM 
 APPEAR TO THICKEN — SHOWING THE BRA- 
 VERY, IN TIME OF PERIL, OF A PEOPLE WHO 
 DEFEND THEMSELVES BY RESOLUTIONS. 
 
 LIKE) as an assemblage of belligerent cats, 
 gibbering and caterwauling, eying one an- 
 other with hideous grimaces and contortions, 
 spitting in each other's faces, and on the point 
 of a general clapper-clawing, are suddenly put 
 to scampering rout and confusion by the appear- 
 ance of a house-dog, so was the no less vociferous 
 council of New Amsterdam amazed, astounded, 
 and totally dispersed, by the sudden arrival of 
 the enemy. Every member waddled home as 
 fast as his short legs could carry him, wheezing 
 as he went with corpulency and terror. Arrived 
 at his castle, he barricaded the street-door, and 
 buried himself in the cider-cellar, without ven- 
 turing to peep out, lest he should have his head 
 carried off by a cannon-ball. 
 The sovereign people crowded into the mar-
 
 274 Ibfstorg ot IKlew ^ov\{ 
 
 ket-place, herding together with the instinct of 
 sheep, who seek safety in each other's company 
 when the shepherd and his dog are absent, and 
 the wolf is prowling round the fold. Far from 
 finding relief, however, they only increased each 
 other's terrors. Bach man looked ruefully in his 
 neighbor's face, in search of encouragement, but 
 only found in its woe-begone lineaments a con- 
 firmation of his own dismay. Not a word now 
 was to be heard of conquering Great Britain, 
 not a whisper about the sovereign virtues of 
 economy, — while the old women heightened 
 the general gloom by clamorously bewailing 
 their fate, and calling for protection on St. 
 Nicholas and Peter Stuyvesant. 
 
 Oh, how did they bewail the absence of the 
 lion-hearted Peter ! and how did they long for 
 the comforting presence of Antony Van Corlear ! 
 Indeed, a gloomy uncertainty hung over the fate 
 of these adventurous heroes. Day after day had 
 elapsed since the alarming message from the 
 governor, without bringing any further tidings 
 of his safety. Many a fearful conjecture was 
 hazarded as to what had befallen him and his 
 loyal squire. Had they not been devoured alive 
 by the cannibals of Marblehead and Cape Cod ? 
 — had they not been put to the question by the 
 great council of Amphictyons ? — had they not 
 been smothered in onions by the terrible men
 
 Brrival of ipetcr 275 
 
 of Pyquag ? In the midst of this consternation 
 and perplexity, when horror, like a mighty 
 nightmare, sat brooding upon the little, fat, ple- 
 thoric city of New Amsterdam, the ears of the 
 multitude were suddenly startled by the sound 
 of a trumpet : it approached, it grew louder and 
 louder, and now it resounded at the city gate. 
 The public could not be mistaken in the well- 
 known sound ; a shout of joy burst from their 
 lips, as the gallant Peter, covered with dust, and 
 followed by his faithful trumpeter, came gallop- 
 ing into the market-place. 
 
 The first transports of the populace having 
 subsided, they gathered round the honest An- 
 tony, as he dismounted, overwhelming him with 
 greetings and congratulations. In breathless 
 accents he related to them the marvellous ad- 
 ventures through which the old governor and 
 himself had gone, in making their escape from 
 the clutches of the terrible Amphictyons. But 
 though the Stuyvesant manuscript, with its 
 customary minuteness where any thing touch- 
 ing the great Peter is concerned, is very par- 
 ticular as to the incidents of this masterly 
 retreat, the state of the public affairs will not 
 allow me to indulge in a full recital thereof. 
 Let it suffice to say that, while Peter Stuyve- 
 sant was anxiously revolving in his mind how 
 he could make good his escape with honor and
 
 276 1bt6tor^ Qt IRew fork 
 
 dignity, certain of the sliips sent out for the 
 conquest of the Manhattoes touched at the 
 eastern ports to obtain supplies, and to call on 
 the grand council of the league for its promised 
 cooperation. Upon hearing of this, the vigilant 
 Peter, perceiving that a moment's delay were 
 fatal, made a secret and precipitate decamp- 
 ment ; though much did it grieve his lofty soul 
 to be obliged to turn his back even upon a na- 
 tion of foes. Many hair-breadth 'scapes and 
 divers perilous mishaps did they sustain, as they 
 scoured, without sound of trumpet, through the 
 fair regions of the east. Already was the coun- 
 try in an uproar with hostile preparations, and 
 they were obliged to take a large circuit in their 
 flight, lurking along through the woody moun- 
 tains of the Devil's backbone ; whence the val- 
 iant Peter sallied forth one day like a lion, and 
 put to rout a whole legion of squatters, consist- 
 ing of three generations of a prolific family, who 
 were already on their way to take possession of 
 some corner of the New Netherlands. Nay, the 
 faithful Antony had great difl5culty, at sundry 
 times, to prevent him, in the excess of his 
 wrath, from descending down from the moun- 
 tains, and falling, sword in hand, upon certain 
 of the border towns, who were marshalling forth 
 their draggle-tailed militia. 
 
 The first movement of the governor on reach-
 
 Iparlcs wltb tbc :fi3ritisb 277 
 
 ing his dwelling, was to mount the roof, whence 
 he contemplated with rueful aspect the hostile 
 squadron. This had already come to anchor in 
 the bay, and consisted of two stout frigates, 
 having on board, as John Josselyn, Gent., in- 
 forms us, "three hundred valiant redcoats." 
 Having taken this survey, he sat himself down 
 and wrote an epistle to the commander, de- 
 manding the reason of his anchoring in the har- 
 bor without obtaining previous permission so to 
 do. This letter was couched in the most digni- 
 fied and courteous terms, though I have it from 
 undoubted authority that his teeth were clinched, 
 and he had a bitter, sardonic grin upon his vis- 
 age all the while he wrote. Having despatched 
 his letter, the grim Peter stumped to and fro 
 about the town with a most war-betokening 
 countenance, his hands thrust into his breeches- 
 pockets, and whistling a Low-Dutch psalm- 
 tune, which bore no small resemblance to the 
 music of a northeast wind when a storm is 
 brewing. The very dogs as they eyed him 
 skulked away in dismay ; while all the old and 
 ugly women of New Amsterdam ran howling at 
 his heels, imploring him to save them from 
 murder, robbery, and pitiless ravishment ! 
 
 The reply of Colonel Nicholas, who com- 
 manded the invaders, was couched in terms of 
 equal courtesy with the letter of the governor ;
 
 278 1bl6tori5 of Iftew lorft 
 
 declaring the right and title of his British Ma- 
 jesty to the province ; where he affirmed the 
 Dutch to be mere interlopers ; and demanding 
 that the town, forts, etc., should be forthwith 
 rendered into his Majesty's obedience and pro- 
 tection ; promising, at the same time, life, lib- 
 erty, estate, and free trade to every Dutch deni- 
 zen who should readily submit to his Majesty's 
 government. 
 
 Peter Stuyvesant read over this friendly 
 epistle with some such harmony of aspect as we 
 may suppose a crusty farmer reads the loving 
 letter of John Stiles, warning him of an action 
 of ejectment. He was not, however, to be taken 
 by surprise ; but, thrusting the summons into 
 his breeches-pocket, stalked three times across 
 the room, took a pinch of snufF with great vehe- 
 mence, and then, loftily waving his hand, prom- 
 ised to send an answer the next morning. He 
 now summoned a general meeting of his privy 
 councillors and burgomasters, not to ask their 
 advice, for, confident in his own strong head, he 
 needed no man's counsel, but apparently to give 
 them a piece of his mind on their late craven 
 conduct. 
 
 His orders being duly promulgated, it was a 
 piteous sight to behold the late valiant burgo- 
 masters, who had demolished the whole British 
 empire in their harangues, peeping ruefully out
 
 ^bc "Ructul Council 279 
 
 of their hiding-places ; crawling cautiously forth ; 
 dodging through narrow lanes and alleys ; 
 starting at every little dog that barked ; mistak- 
 ing lamp-posts for British grenadiers ; and, 
 in the excess of their panic, metamorphosing 
 pumps into formidable soldiers levelling blun- 
 derbusess at their bosoms ! Having, however, 
 in despite of numerous perils and difiSculties of 
 the kind, arrived safe, without the loss of a 
 single man, at the hall of assembly, they took 
 their seats, and awaited in fearful silence the 
 arrival of the governor. In a few moments the 
 wooden leg of the intrepid Peter was heard in 
 regular and stout-hearted thumps upon the 
 staircase. He entered the chamber, arrayed in 
 full suit of regimentals, and carrying his trusty 
 toledo, not girded on his thigh, but tucked 
 under his arm. As the governor never equipped 
 himself in this portentous manner unless some- 
 thing of martial nature were working within his 
 pericranium, his council regarded him ruefully, 
 as if they saw fire and sword in his iron counte- 
 nance, and forgot to light their pipes in breath- 
 less suspense. 
 
 His first words were to rate his council 
 soundly for having wasted in idle debate and 
 party feud the time which should have been 
 devoted to putting the city in a state of defence. 
 He was particularly indignant at those brawlers
 
 28o Ibistor^ ot IRcw Ifforft 
 
 who had disgraced the councils of the province 
 b}' empty bickerings and scurrilous invectives 
 against an absent enem3^ He now called upon 
 them to make good their words by deeds, as the 
 enemy they had defied and derided was at the 
 gate. Finally, he informed them of the sum- 
 mons he had received to surrender, but con- 
 cluded by swearing to defend the province as 
 long as Heaven was on his side and he had a 
 wooden leg to stand upon ; which warlike sen- 
 tence he emphasized by a thwack v/ith the flat 
 of his sword upon the table, that quite electri- 
 fied his auditors. 
 
 The privy councillors, who had long since 
 been brought into as perfect discipline as were 
 ever the soldiers of the great PVederick, knew 
 there was no use in saying a word, so lighted 
 their pipes, and smoked away in silence, like 
 fat and discreet councillors. But the burgo- 
 masters, being inflated with considerable im- 
 portance and self-sufficiency, acquired at popular 
 meetings, were not so easily satisfied. Muster- 
 ing up fresh spirit, when they found there was 
 some chance of escaping from their present 
 jeopardy without the disagreeable alternative 
 of fighting, they requested a copy of the sum- 
 mons to surrender, that they might show it to a 
 general meeting of the people. 
 
 So insolent and mutinous a request would
 
 IFnCJignatlon ot peter 281 
 
 have been enough to have roused the gorge of 
 the tranquil Van Twiller himself, — what then 
 must have been its effect upon the great Stuy- 
 vesant, who was not only a Dutchman, a gov- 
 ernor, and a valiant wooden-legged soldier to 
 boot, but withal a man of the most stomachful 
 and gunpowder disposition ? He burst forth 
 into a blaze of indignation, — swore not a moth- 
 er's son of them should see a syllable of it, — 
 that as to their advice or concurrence, he did 
 not care a whiff of tobacco for either, — that they 
 might go home and go to bed like old women ; 
 for he was determined to defend the colony 
 himself, without the assistance of them or their 
 adherents ! So saying he tucked his sword un- 
 der his arm, cocked his hat upon his head, and 
 girding up his loins, stumped indignantlv out 
 of the council-chamber, everybody making 
 room for him as he passed. 
 
 No sooner was he gone than the busy biirgo- 
 masters called a public meeting in front of the 
 Stadthouse, where they appointed as chairman 
 one Dofue Roerback, formerly a meddlesome 
 member of the cabinet during the reign of 
 William the Testy, but kicked out of ofi5ce by 
 Peter Stuyvesant on taking the reins of govern- 
 ment. He was, withal, a mighty gingerbread 
 baker in the land, and reverenced by the popu- 
 lace as a man of dark knowledge, seeing that
 
 282 Iblstorg of iRew lorft 
 
 he was the first to imprint New- Year cakes 
 with the mysterious hieroglyphics of the Cock 
 and Breeches, and such like magical devices. 
 
 This burgomaster, who still chewed the cud 
 of ill-will against Peter Stuyvesant, addressed 
 the multitude in what is called a patriotic 
 speech, informing them of the courteous sum- 
 mons which the governor had received, to sur- 
 render, of his refusal to comply therewith, and 
 of his denying the public even a sight of the 
 summons, which doubtless contained conditions 
 highly to the honor and advantage of the prov- 
 ince. 
 
 He then proceeded to speak of his Excellency 
 in high-sounding terms of vituperation, suited 
 to the dignity of his station ; comparing him to 
 Nero, Caligula, and other flagrant great men of 
 yore ; assuring the people that the history of 
 the world did not contain a despotic outrage 
 equal to the present. That it would be record- 
 ed in letters of fire on the blood-stained tablet 
 of history ! That ages would roll back with 
 sudden horror when they came to view it ! 
 That the womb of time (by the way, your ora- 
 tors and writers take strange liberties with the 
 womb of time, though some would fain have us 
 believe that time is an old gentleman) — that the 
 womb of time, pregnant as it was with direful 
 horrors, would never produce a parallel enor-
 
 IRiGmarolc 283 
 
 niity I — with a variety of other heart-rending, 
 soul-stirring tropes and figures, which I cannot 
 enumerate ; neither, indeed, need I, for they 
 were of the kind which even to the present day 
 form the style of popular harangues and patri- 
 otic orations, and may be classed in rhetoric 
 under the general title of Rigiviarole. 
 
 The result of this speech of the inspired bur- 
 gomaster was a memorial addressed to the gov- 
 ernor, remonstrating in good round terms on 
 his conduct. It was proposed that Dofue Roer- 
 back himself should be the bearer of this me- 
 morial ; but this he warily declined, having no 
 inclination of coming again within kicking dis- 
 tance of his Excellency. Who did deliver it 
 has never been named in history, in which 
 neglect he has suffered grievous wrong, seeing 
 that he was equally worthy of blazon with him 
 perpetuated in Scottish song and story by the 
 surname of Bell-the-cat. All we know of the 
 fate of this memorial is, that it was used by the 
 grim Peter to light his pipe ; which, from the 
 vehemence with which he smoked it, was evi- 
 dently any thing but a pipe of peace.
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 CONTAINING A DOI<EFUI, DISASTER OF ANTONY 
 THE TRUMPETER ; AND HOW PETER STUY- 
 VESANT, LIKE A SECOND CROMWEIvI*, SUD- 
 DENI,Y DISSOI^VED A RUMP PARI.IAMENT. 
 
 N' 
 
 OW did the high-minded Pieter de Groodt 
 shower down a pannier-load of maledic- 
 tions upon his burgomasters for a set of self- 
 willed, obstinate, factious varlets, who would 
 nether be convinced not persuaded. Nor did 
 he omit to bestow some left-handed compli- 
 ments upon the sovereign people, as a herd of 
 poltroons, who had no relish for the glorious 
 hardships and illustrious misadventures of 
 battle, but would rather stay at home and eat 
 and sleep in ignoble ease, than light in a ditch 
 for immortality and a broken head. 
 
 Resolutely bent, however, upon defending 
 his beloved city, in despite even of itself, he 
 called unto him his trusty Van Corlear, who
 
 Bntong'0 /ilbisslon 285 
 
 was his right-hand man in all times of emer- 
 gency. Him did he adjure to take his war- 
 denouncing tinimpet, and mounting his horse, 
 to beat up the country night and day, sounding 
 the alarm along the pastoral borders of the 
 Bronx, startling the wild solitudes of Croton, 
 arousing the rugged yeomanry of Weehawk 
 and Hoboken, the mighty men of battle of 
 Tappan Bay, and the brave boys of Tarry-town, 
 Petticoat Lane, and Sleepy Hollow, charging 
 them one and all to sling their powder-horns, 
 shoulder their fowling-pieces, and march mer- 
 rily down to the Manhattoes. 
 
 Now there was nothing in all the world, the 
 divine sex excepted, that Antony Van Corlear 
 loved better than errands of this kind. So just 
 stopping to take a lusty dinner, and bracing to 
 his side his junk bottle, well charged with 
 heart-inspiring Hollands, he issued jollily from 
 the city gate, which looked out upon what is 
 at present called Broadway, sounding a farewell 
 strain, that rung in sprightly echoes through 
 the winding streets of New Amsterdam. Alas ! 
 never more were they to be gladdened by the 
 melody of their favorite trumpeter ! 
 
 It was a dark and stormy night when the 
 good Antony arrived at the creek (sagely de- 
 nominated Haerlem river) which separates the 
 island of Manna-hata from the mainland. The
 
 286 Ibletorg ot IRew l^orh 
 
 wind was high, the elements were in an up- 
 roar, and no Charon could be found to ferry the 
 adventurous sounder of brass across the water. 
 For a short time he vapored like an impatient 
 ghost upon the brink, and then bethinking 
 himself of the urgency of his errand, took a 
 hearty embrace of his stone bottle, swore most 
 valorously that he would swim across in spite 
 of the Devil (Spyt den Duyvel), and daringly 
 plunged into the stream. Luckless Antony ! 
 Scarce had he buffeted half way over, when he 
 was observed to struggle violently, as if bat- 
 tling with the spirit of the waters ; instinctively 
 he put his trumpet to his mouth, and giving a 
 vehement blast, sank forever to the bottom. 
 
 The clangor of his trumpet, like that of the 
 ivory horn of the renowned Paladin Orlando, 
 when expiring in the glorious field of Ronces- 
 valles, rang far and wide through the country, 
 alarming the neighbors round, who hurried in 
 amazement to the spot. Here an old Dutch 
 burgher, famed for his veracity, and who had 
 been a witness of the fact, related to them the 
 melancholy affair, with the fearful addition 
 (to which I am slow in giving belief) that he 
 saw the Duyvel, in the shape of a huge moss- 
 bunker, seize the sturdy Antony by the leg, and 
 drag him beneath the waves. Certain it is, the 
 place, with the adjoining promontory, which
 
 3Pate ot Bntons 287 
 
 projects into the Hudson, has been called Spyt 
 den Dtiyvel ever since ; the ghost of the unfortu- 
 nate Antony still haunts the surrounding soli- 
 tudes, and his trumpet has often been heard by 
 the neighbors of a stormy night, mingling with 
 the howling of the blast. Nobody ever at- 
 tempts to swim across the creek after dark ; on 
 the contrary, a bridge has been built to guard 
 against such melancholy accidents in the fu- 
 ture ; and as to the moss-bunkers, they are 
 held in such abhorrence, that no true Dutch- 
 man will admit them to his table, who loves 
 good fish and hates the Devil. 
 
 Such was the end of Antony Van Corlear, — 
 a man deserving of a better fate. He lived 
 roundly and soundly, like a true and jolly bach- 
 elor, until the day of his death ; but though he 
 was never married, yet did he leave behind 
 some two or three dozen children, in different 
 parts of the country, — fine, chubby, brawling, 
 flatulent little urchins, from whom, if legends 
 speak true (and they are not apt to he), did 
 descend the innumerable race of editors, who 
 people and defend this country, and who are 
 bountifully paid by the people for keeping up 
 a constant alarm, and making them miserable. 
 It is hinted, too, that in his various expeditions 
 into the East he did much towards promoting 
 the population of the country, in proof of which
 
 288 Dlstorg of mew l^orh 
 
 is adduced the notorious propensity of the peo- 
 ple of those parts to sound their own trumpet 
 
 As some wayworn pilgrim, when the tempest 
 whistles through his locks, and night is gather- 
 ing round, beholds his faithful dog, the com- 
 panion and solace of his journeying, stretched 
 lifeless at his feet, so did the generous-hearted 
 hero of the Manhattoes contemplate the un- 
 timely end of Antony Van Corlear. He had 
 been the faithful attendant of his footsteps ; 
 he had charmed him in many a weary hour by 
 his honest gayety and the martial melody of 
 his trumpet, and had followed him with un- 
 flinching loyalty and affection through many 
 a scene of direful peril and mishap. He was 
 gone forever, and that, too, at a moment when 
 every mongrel cur was skulking from his side. 
 This — Peter Stuyvesant — was the moment to 
 try thy fortitude, and this was the moment 
 when thou didst indeed shine forth Peter the 
 Headstrong ! 
 
 The glare of day had long dispelled the hor- 
 rors of the stormy night ; still all was dull and 
 gloomy. The late jovial Apollo hid his face 
 Dehind lugubrious clouds, peeping out now and 
 then for an instant, as if anxious, yet fearful, 
 to see what was going on in his favorite city. 
 This was the eventful morning when the great 
 Peter was to give his reply to the summons of
 
 •QClintbcop's BOvfcc 289 
 
 the invaders. Already was he closeted with 
 his privy council, sitting in grim state, brooding 
 over the fate of his favorite trumpeter, and 
 anon boiling with indignation as the insolence 
 of his recreant burgomasters flashed upon his 
 mind. While in this state of irritation, a courier 
 arrived in all haste from Winthrop, the subtle 
 governor of Connecticut, counselling him, in 
 the most affectionate and disinterested manner, 
 to surrender the province, and magnifying the 
 dangers and calamities to which a refusal would 
 subject him. What a moment was this to in- 
 trude officious advice upon a man who never 
 took advice in his whole life! The fiery old 
 governor strode up and down the chamber with 
 a vehemence that made the bosoms of his coun- 
 cillors to quake with awe, — railing at his un- 
 lucky fate, that thus made him the constant 
 butt of factious subjects, and Jesuitical ad- 
 visers. 
 
 Just at this ill-chosen juncture, the officious 
 burgomasters, who had heard of the arrival of 
 mysterious despatches, came marching in a 
 body into the room, with a legion of schepens 
 and toad-eaters at their heels, and abruptly de- 
 manded a perusal of the letter. This was too 
 much for the spleen of Peter Stuyvesant. He 
 tore the letter into a thousand pieces, — threw it 
 in the face of the nearest burgomaster, — ^broke
 
 290 l)i5tors of flew l^ork 
 
 his pipe over the head of the next, — hurled his 
 spitting-box at an unlucky schepen, who was 
 just retreating out at the door, — and finally pro- 
 rogued the whole meeting si7ie diCy by kicking 
 them down stairs with his wooden leg. 
 
 As soon as the burgomasters could recover 
 from their confusion and had time to breathe, 
 they called a public meeting, where they re- 
 lated at full length, and with appropriate color- 
 ing and exaggeration, the despotic and vindic- 
 tive deportment of the governor ; declaring 
 that, for their own parts, they did not value a 
 straw the being kicked, cuffed, and mauled by 
 the timber toe of his Excellency, but that they 
 felt for the dignity of the sovereign people, 
 thus rudely insulted by the outrage committed 
 on the seat of honor of their representatives. 
 The latter part of the harangue came home at 
 once to that delicacy of feeling and jealous 
 pride of character vested in all true mobs, — 
 who, though they may bear injuries without a 
 murmur, yet are marvellously jealous of their 
 sovereign dignity ; and there is no knowing to 
 what act of resentment they might have been 
 provoked, had they not been somewhat more 
 afraid of their sturdy old governor than they 
 were of St. Nicholas, the English,— or the D — 1 
 himself.
 
 CHAPTER XI. 
 
 HOW PETER STUYVESANT DEFENDED THE CITY 
 OE NEW AMSTERDAM FOR SEVERAI, DAYS, 
 BY DINT OF THE STRENGTH OF HIS HEAD. 
 
 THERE is something exceedingly sublime 
 and melancholy in the spectacle which 
 the present crisis of our history presents. An 
 illustrious and venerable little city, — the me- 
 tropolis of a vast extent of iminhabited coun- 
 try, — garrisoned by a doughty host of orators, 
 chairmen, committee-men, burgomasters, sche- 
 pens, and old women, — governed by a deter- 
 mined and strong-headed warrior, and fortified 
 by mud batteries, palisadoes, and resolutions, — 
 blockaded by sea, beleaguered by land, and 
 threatened with direful desolation from with- 
 out, while its very vitals are torn with internal 
 faction and commotion ! Never did historic 
 pen record a page of more complicated distress, 
 unless it be the strife that distracted the Israel-
 
 292 1bi6tori2 ot flew l^ocFi 
 
 ites, during the siege of Jerusalem, — where dis- 
 cordant parties were cutting each other's throats, 
 at the moment when the victorious legions of 
 Titus had toppled down their bulwarks, and 
 were carrying fire and sword into the very sanc- 
 tum sanciorufii of the temple. 
 
 Governor Stuyvesant having triumphantly 
 put his grand council to the rout, and delivered 
 himself from a multitude of impertinent ad- 
 visers, despatched a categorical reply to the 
 commanders of the invading squadron ; where- 
 in he asserted the right and title of their High 
 Mightinesses the Lords States-General to the 
 province of New Netherlands, and, trusting in 
 the righteousness of his cause, set the whole 
 British nation at defiance ! 
 
 My anxiety to extricate my readers and my- 
 self from these disastrous scenes prevents me 
 from giving the whole of this gallant letter, 
 which concluded in these manly and affection- 
 ate terms : 
 
 ** As touching the threats in your conclusion, 
 we have nothing to answer, only that we fear 
 nothing but what God (who is as just as merci- 
 ful) shall lay upon us, all things being in his 
 gracious disposal ; and we may as well be pre- 
 served by him with small forces as by a great 
 army ; which makes us to wish you all happi- 
 ness and prosperity, and recommend you to his
 
 Zctme ot the JBrltlsb 293 
 
 protection. My lords, your thrice humble and 
 aflfectionate servant and friend, 
 
 "P. Stuyvesant." 
 
 Thus having thrown his gauntlet, the brave 
 Peter stuck a pair of horse-pistols in his belt, 
 girded an immense powder-horn on his side, 
 thrust his sound leg into a Hessian boot, and 
 clapping his fierce little war-hat on the top of 
 his head, paraded up and down in front of his 
 house, determined to defend his beloved city to 
 the last. 
 
 While all these struggles and dissensions were 
 prevailing in the unhappy city of New Amster- 
 dam, and while its worthy but ill-starred gov- 
 ernor was framing the above-quoted letter, the 
 English commanders did not remain idle. They 
 had agents secretly employed to foment the 
 fears and clamors of the populace ; and more- 
 over circulated far and wide, through the adja- 
 cent country, a proclamation, repeating the 
 terms they had already held out il their sum- 
 mons to surrender, at the same time beguiling 
 the simple Nederlanders with the most crafty 
 and conciliating professions. They promised 
 that every man who voluntarily submitted to 
 the authority of his British Majesty should re- 
 tain peaceful possession of his house, his vrouw, 
 and his cabbage-garden. That he should be 
 suffered to smoke his pipe, speak Dutch, wear
 
 ^94 Ibietov^ of Bew lorft 
 
 as many breeches as lie pleased, and import 
 "bricks, tiles, and stone jugs from Holland, in- 
 stead of manufacturing them on the spot. That 
 he should on no account be compelled to learn 
 the English language, nor eat codfish on Satur- 
 days, nor keep accounts in any other way than 
 by casting them up on his fingers, and chalking 
 them down upon the crown of his hat; as is 
 observed among the Dutch yeomanry at the 
 present day. That every man should be allowed 
 quietly to inherit his father's hat, coat, shoe- 
 buckles, pipe, and every other personal append- 
 age ; and that no man should be obliged to 
 conform to any improvements, inventions, or 
 any other modern innovations ; but, on the 
 contrary, should be permitted to build his house, 
 follow his trade, manage his farm, rear his hogs, 
 and educate his children, precisely as his ances- 
 tors had done before him from time immemorial. 
 Finally, that he should have all the benefits of 
 free trade, and should not be required to ac- 
 knowledge any other saint in the calendar than 
 St. Nicholas, who should thenceforward, as be- 
 fore, be considered the tutelar saint of the city. 
 These terms, as may be supposed, appeared 
 very satisfactory to the people, who had a great 
 disposition to enjoy their property unmolested, 
 and a most singular aversion to engage in a 
 contest, where they could gain little more than
 
 1pcter*6 ^firmness 295 
 
 bonor and broken heads, — the first of which 
 they held in philosophic indiflFerence, the latter 
 in utter detestation. By these insidious means, 
 therefore, did the English succeed in alienating 
 the confidence and affections of the populace 
 from their gallant old governor, whom they 
 considered as obstinately bent upon running 
 them into hideous misadventures ; and did not 
 hesitate to speak their minds freely, and abuse 
 him most heartily — behind his back. 
 
 Like as a mighty grampus when assailed and 
 buflfeted by roaring waves and brawling surges, 
 still keeps on an undeviating course, rising 
 above the boisterous billows, spouting and 
 blowing as he emerges, so did the inflexible 
 Peter pursue, unwavering, his determined ca- 
 reer, and rise, contemptuous, above the clamors 
 of the rabble. 
 
 But when the British warriors found that he 
 set their power at defiance, they despatched re- 
 cruiting officers to Jamaica, and Jericho, and 
 Nineveh, and Quag, and Patchog, and all those 
 towns on Long Island which had been subdued 
 of yore by Stoffel Brinkerhoff ; stirring up the 
 progeny of Preserved Fish, and Determined 
 Cock, and those other New England squatters, 
 to assail the city of New Amsterdam by land, 
 while the hostile ships prepared for an assault 
 by water.
 
 296 fbiBtot^ ot IRcw lorft 
 
 The streets of New Amsterdam now presented 
 a scene of wild dismay and consternation. In 
 vain did Peter Stuyvesant order the citizens to 
 arm and assemble on the Battery. Blank terror 
 reigned over the community. The whole party 
 of Short Pipes in the course of a single night 
 had changed into arrant old women, — a meta- 
 morphosis only to be paralleled by the prodigies 
 recorded by Livy as having happened at Rome 
 at the approach of Hannibal, when statues 
 sweated in pure affright, goats were converted 
 into sheep, and cocks, turning into hens, ran 
 cackling about the street. 
 
 Thus baffled in all attempts to put the city in 
 a state of defence, blockaded from without, tor- 
 mented from within, and menaced with a Yan- 
 kee invasion, even the stiflf-necked will of Peter 
 Stuyvesant for once gave way, and in spite of 
 his mighty heart, which swelled in his throat 
 until it nearly choked him, he consented to a 
 treaty of surrender. 
 
 Words cannot express the transports of the 
 populace, on receiving this intelligence ; had 
 they obtained a conquest over the enemies, 
 they could not have indulged greater delight 
 The streets resounded with their congratula- 
 tions ; they extolled their governor as the 
 father and deliverer of his country ; they 
 crowded to his house to testify their gratitude,
 
 Brranging tbe Capitulation 297 
 
 and were ten times more noisy in their plaudits 
 than when he returned, with victory perched 
 upon his beaver, from the glorious capture of 
 Fort Christina. But the indignant Peter shut 
 his doors and windows, and took refuge in the 
 innermost recesses of his mansion, that he 
 might not hear the ignoble rejoicings of the 
 rabble. 
 
 Commissioners were now appointed on botb 
 sides, and a capitulation was speedily arranged ; 
 all that was wanting to ratify it was that it 
 should be signed by the governor. When the 
 commissioners waited upon him for this pur- 
 pose, they were received with grim and bitter 
 courtesy. His warlike accoutrements were laid 
 aside, — an old Indian night-gown was wrapped 
 about his rugged limbs, a red night-cap over- 
 shadowed his frowning brow, an iron-gray beard 
 of three days* growth gave additional grimness 
 to his visage. Thrice did he seize a worn-out 
 stump of a pen, and essay to sign the loathsome 
 paper; thrice did he clinch his teeth, and make 
 a horrible countenance, as though a dose of 
 rhubarb, senna, and ipecacuanha had been of- 
 fered to !iis lips ; at length, dashing it from 
 him, he seized his brass-hilted sword, and 
 jerking it from the scabbard, swore by St. 
 Nicholas, to sooner die than yield to any power 
 under heaven.
 
 For two whole days did lie persist in this 
 magnanimous resolution, during which his 
 house was besieged by the rabble, and menaces 
 and clamorous revilings exhausted to no pur- 
 pose. And now another course was adopted to 
 soothe, if possible, his mighty ire. A proces- 
 sion was formed by the burgomasters and sche- 
 pens, followed by the populace, to bear the 
 capitulation in state to the governor's dwelling. 
 They found the castle strongly barricadoed, and 
 the old hero in full regimentals, with his cocked 
 hat on his head, posted with a blunderbuss at 
 the garret window. 
 
 There was something in this formidable posi- 
 tion that struck even the ignoble vulgar with 
 awe and admiration. The brawling multitude 
 could not but reflect with self-abasement upon 
 their own pusillanimous conduct, when they be- 
 held their hardy but deserted old governor, 
 thus faithful to his post, like a forlorn hope, 
 and fully prepared to defend his ungrateful city 
 to the last. These compunctions, however, 
 were soon overwhelmed by the recurring tide 
 of public apprehension. The populace ar- 
 ranged themselves before the house, taking off 
 their hats with most respectful humility ; Bur- 
 gomaster Roerback, who was of that popular 
 class of orators described by Sallust as being 
 ''talkative rather than eloquent," stepped forth
 
 Signing tbe Capitulation 299 
 
 and addressed the governor in a speech of three 
 hours' length, detailing, in the most pathetic 
 terms, the calamitous situation of the province 
 and urging him in a constant repetition of the 
 same arguments and words to sign the capitula- 
 tion. 
 
 The mighty Peter eyed him from his garret 
 window in grim silence, — now and then his eye 
 would glance over the surrounding rabble, and 
 an indignant grin, like that of an angry mastiff, 
 would mark his iron visage. But though a man 
 of most undaunted mettle, — though he had a 
 heart as big as an ox, and a head that would 
 have set adamant to scorn, — yet after all he was 
 a mere mortal. Wearied out by these repeated 
 oppositions, and this eternal haranguing, and 
 perceiving that unless he complied, the inhabi- 
 tants would follow their own inclination, or 
 rather their fears, without waiting for his con- 
 sent, or, what was still worse, the Yankees 
 would have time to pour in their forces and 
 claim a share in the conquest, he testily ordered 
 them to hand up the paper. It was accordingly 
 hoisted to him on the end of a pole ; and having 
 scrawled his name at the bottom of it, he 
 anathematized them all for a set of cowardly, 
 mutinous, degenerate poltroons, threw the ca- 
 pitulation at their heads, slammed down the 
 window, and was heard stumping down stairs
 
 300 l)i5tori2 ot Bew lorft 
 
 with vehement indignation. The rabble incon- 
 tinently took to their heels ; even the burgo- 
 masters were not slow in evacuating the 
 premises, fearing lest the sturdy Peter might 
 issue from his den, and greet them with some 
 unwelcome testimonial of his displeasure. 
 
 Within three hours after the surrender, a le- 
 gion of British beef-fed warriors poured into 
 New Amsterdam, taking possession of the fort 
 and batteries. And now might be heard, from 
 all quarters, the sound of hammers, made by the 
 old Dutch burghers in nailing up their doors 
 and windows, to protect their vrouws from these 
 fierce barbarians, whom they contemplated in 
 silent sullenness from the garret windows as 
 they paraded through the streets. 
 
 Thus did Colonel Richard Nichols, the com- 
 mander of the British forces, enter into quiet 
 possession of the conquered realm as locum 
 tenens for the Duke of York. The victory was 
 attended with no other outrage than that of 
 changing the name of the province and its me- 
 tropolis, which thenceforth were denominated 
 New York, and so have continued to be called 
 unto the present day. The inhabitants, accord- 
 ing to treaty, were allowed to maintain quiet 
 possession of their property ; but so inveter- 
 ately did they retain their abhorrence of the 
 British nation, that in a private meeting of the
 
 •Hew l^orft 
 
 301 
 
 leading citizens it was unanimously determined 
 never to ask any of their conquerors to dinner. 
 
 Note.— Modem historians assert that when the New 
 Netherlands were thus overrun by the British, as Spain 
 in ancient days by the Saracens, a resolute band refused 
 to bend the neck to the invader. I,ed by one Garret Van 
 Home, a valorous and gigantic Dutchman, they crossed 
 the bay and buried themselves among the marshes and 
 cabbage-gardens of Communipaw, as did Pelayo and his 
 followers among the mountains of Asturias. Here their 
 descendants have remained ever since, keeping them- 
 selves apart, like seed-corn, to re-people the city with 
 the genuine breed whenever it shall be effectually recov- 
 ered from its intruders. It is said the genuine descend- 
 ants of the Netherlands who inhabit New York, still 
 look with longring eyes to the g^een marshes of ancient 
 Pavonia, as did the conquered Spaniards of yore to the 
 stem mountains of Asturias, considering these the re- 
 gions whence deliverance is to come.
 
 CHAPTER XII. 
 
 CONTAINING THE DIGNIFIED RETIREMENT 
 AND MORTAI, SURRENDER OF PETER THE 
 HEADSTRONG. 
 
 THUS, then, have I concluded this great his- 
 torical enterprise ; but before I lay aside 
 my weary pen, there yet remains to be per- 
 formed one pious duty. If among the variety 
 of readers who may peruse this book, there 
 should haply be found any of those souls of 
 true nobility, which glow with celestial fire at 
 the history of the generous and the brave, they 
 will doubtless be anxious to know the fate 
 of the gallant Peter Stuyvesant. To gratify 
 one such sterling heart of gold I would go 
 more lengths than to instruct the cold-blooded 
 curiosity of a whole fraternity of philoso- 
 phers. 
 
 No sooner had that high-mettled cavalier 
 signed the articles of capitulation, than, de- 
 termined not to witness the humiliation of his
 
 Peter's IRetirement 303 
 
 favorite city, he turned his back on its walls 
 and made a growling retreat to his bouwery^ or 
 country-seat, which was situated about two 
 miles off, where he passed the remainder of his 
 days in patriarchal retirement. There he en- 
 joyed that tranquillity of mind which he had 
 never known amid the distracting cares of gov- 
 ernment, and tasted the sweets of absolute and 
 uncontrolled authority, which his factious sub- 
 jects had so often dashed with the bitterness of 
 opposition. 
 
 No persuasions could ever induce him to re- 
 visit the city ; on the contrary, he would always 
 have his great arm-chair placed with its back to 
 the windows which looked in that direction, 
 until a thick grove of trees planted by his own 
 hand grew up and formed a screen that effectu- 
 ally excluded it from the prospect. He railed 
 continually at the degenerate innovations and 
 improvements introduced by the conquerors ; 
 forbade a word of their detested language to be 
 spoken in his family, — a prohibition readily 
 obeyed, since none of the household could 
 speak any thing but Dutch ; and even ordered 
 a fine avenue to be cut down in front of his 
 house because it consisted of English cherry- 
 trees. 
 
 The same incessant vigilance, which blazed 
 forth when he had a vast province under his
 
 304 Iblstoris ot Bcw l^orft 
 
 care, now showed itself with equal vigor, 
 though in narrower limits. He patrolled with 
 unceasing watchfulness the boundaries of his 
 little territory ; repelled every encroachment 
 with intrepid promptness ; punished every va- 
 grant depredation upon his orchard or his 
 farm-yard with inflexible severity; and con- 
 ducted every stray hog or cow in triimiph to 
 the pound. But to the indigent neighbor, the 
 friendless stranger, or the weary wanderer, his 
 spacious doors were ever open, and his capacious 
 fireplace, that emblem of his own warm and 
 generous heart, had always a comer to receive 
 and cherish them. There was an exception to 
 this, I must confess, in case the ill-starred ap- 
 plicant were an Englishman or a Yankee ; to 
 whom, though he might extend the hand of as- 
 sistance, he could never be brought to yield the 
 rites of hospitality. Nay, if peradventure some 
 straggling merchant of the East should stop at 
 his door, with his cart-load of tin -ware or 
 wooden bowls, the fiery Peter would issue forth 
 like a giant from his castle, and make such a 
 furious clatter among his pots and kettles, that 
 the vender of "notions*' was fain to betake 
 himself to instant flight. 
 
 His suit of regimentals, worn threadbare by 
 the brush, were carefully hung up in the state 
 bedchamber, and regularly aired the first fair
 
 2)utcb ^festivals 305 
 
 day of every month ; and his cocked hat and 
 trusty sword were suspended in grim repose 
 over the parlor mantel-piece, forming support- 
 ers to a full-length portrait of the renowned 
 Admiral Van Tromp. In his domestic empire 
 he maintained strict discipline and well-organ- 
 ized despotic government ; but though his own 
 will was the supreme law, yet the good of his 
 subjects was his constant object. He watched 
 over, not merely their immediate comforts, 
 but their morals, and their ultimate welfare ; 
 for he gave them abundance of excellent ad- 
 monition, nor could any of them complain 
 that, when occasion required, he was by any 
 means niggardly in bestowing wholesome cor- 
 rection. 
 
 The good old Dutch festivals, those periodical 
 demonstrations of an overflowing heart and a 
 thankful spirit, which are falling into sad dis- 
 use among my fellow-citizens, were faithfully 
 observed in the mansion of Governor Stuy\'e- 
 sant. New-Year was truly a day of open-handed 
 liberality, of jocund revelry, and v/arm-hearted 
 congratulation, when the bosom swelled with 
 genial good-fellowship, and the plenteous table 
 was attended with an unceremonious freedom 
 and honest broad-mouthed merriment, un- 
 known in these days of degeneracy and re- 
 finement. Paas and Pinxter were scrupulously
 
 3o6 Ibfstor^ of IFlew ll)orft 
 
 observed throughout his dominions ; nor was 
 the day of St. Nicholas suffered to pass by 
 without making presents, hanging the stock- 
 ing in the chimney, and complying with all 
 its other ceremonies. 
 
 Once a year, on the first day of April, he used 
 to array himself in full regimentals, being the 
 first anniversary of his triumphal entry into 
 New Amsterdam, after the conquest of New 
 Sweden. This was always a kind of saturnalia 
 among the domestics, when they considered 
 themselves at liberty, in some measure, to say 
 and do what they pleased ; for on this day their 
 master was always observed to unbend, and be- 
 come exceeding pleasant and jocose, sending 
 the old gray-headed negroes on April-fool's 
 errands for pigeon's milk ; not one of whom 
 but allowed himself to be taken in, and hu- 
 mored his old master's jokes, as became a faith- 
 ful and well-disciplined dependant. Thus did 
 he reign, happily and peacefully on his own 
 land — injuring no man — envying no man — mo- 
 lested by no outward strifes — perplexed by no 
 internal commotions ; — and the mighty mon- 
 archs of the earth, who were vainly seeking to 
 maintain peace, and promote the welfare of 
 mankind, by war and desolation, would have 
 done well to have made a voyage to the little 
 island of Manna-hata, and learned a lesson in
 
 Bge anD ITntirmlts 307 
 
 government from the domestic economy of 
 Peter Stuyvesant. 
 
 In process of time, however, the old governor, 
 like all other children of mortality, began to 
 exhibit evident tokens of decay. Like an aged 
 oak, which, though it long has braved the fury 
 of the elements, and still retains its gigantic 
 proportions, begins to shake and groan with 
 every blast, so was it with the gallant Peter; 
 for though he still bore the port and semblance 
 of what he was in the days of his hardihood 
 and chivalry, yet did age and infirmity begin to 
 sap the vigor of his frame, — but his heart, that 
 unconquerable citadel, still triiunphed unsub- 
 dued. With matchless avidity would he listen 
 to every article of intelligence concerning the 
 battles between the English and Dutch ; still 
 would his pulse beat high whenever he heard 
 of the victories of De Ruyter, and countenance 
 lower, and his eyebrows knit, when fortune 
 turned in favor of the English. At length, as 
 on a certain day he had just smoked his fifth 
 pipe, and was napping after dinner, in his arm- 
 chair, conquering the whole British nation in 
 his dreams, he was suddenly aroused by a ring- 
 ing of bells, rattling of drums, and roaring of 
 cannon, that put all his blood in a ferment. 
 But when he learned that these rejoicings were 
 in honor of a great victory obtained by the com-
 
 3o8 Ibistors ot Bew l^ork 
 
 bined English and French fleets over the brave 
 De Ruyter and the younger Van Tromp, it 
 went so much to his heart, that he took to his 
 bed, and in less than three days was brought to 
 death's door, by a violent cholera morbus ! 
 Even in this extremity he still displayed the 
 unconquerable spirit of Peter the Headstrong ; 
 holding out to the last gasp, with inflexible 
 obstinacy, against a whole army of old women 
 who were bent upon driving the enemy out of 
 his bowels, in the true Dutch mode of defence, 
 by inundation. 
 
 While he thus lay, lingering on the verge of 
 dissolution, news was brought him that the 
 brave De Ruyter had made good his retreat, 
 with little loss, and meant once more to meet 
 the enemy in battle. The closing eye of the 
 old warrior kindled with martial fire at the 
 words, — he partly raised himself in bed, 
 clinched his withered hand, as if he felt within 
 his gripe that sword which waved in triumph 
 before the walls of Fort Christina, and giving a 
 grim smile of exultation, sank back upon his 
 pillow and expired. 
 
 Thus died Peter Stuyvesant, — a valiant soldier, 
 a loyal subject, an upright governor, and an 
 honest Dutchman, — who wanted only a few 
 empires to desolate to have been immortal- 
 ized as a hero ! 
 
 \
 
 ^Funeral ©bsequics 309 
 
 His funeral obsequies were celebrated with 
 the utmost grandeur and solemnity. The town 
 was perfectly emptied of its inhabitants, who 
 crowded in throngs to pay the last sad honors 
 to their good old governor. All his sterling 
 qualities rushed in full tide upon their recollec- 
 tion, while the memory of his foibles and his 
 faults had expired with him. The ancient 
 burghers contended who should have the pri\d- 
 lege of bearing the pall ; the populace strove 
 who should walk nearest to the bier ; and the 
 melancholy procession was closed by a number 
 of gray-headed negroes, who had wintered and 
 summered in the household of their departed 
 master for the greater part of a century. 
 
 With sad and gloomy countenances the mul- 
 titude gathered round the grave. They dwelt 
 with mournful hearts on the sturdy virtues, the 
 signal services, and the gallant exploits of the 
 brave old worthy. They recalled, vrith secret 
 upbraidings, their own factious opposition to 
 his government ; and many an ancient burgher, 
 whose phlegmatic features had never been 
 known to relax, nor his eyes to moisten, was 
 now observed to puff a pensive pipe, and the 
 big drop to steal down his cheek, while he mut- 
 tered, with affectionate accent and melancholy 
 shake of the head : *' Well, den ! — Hardkoppig 
 Peter ben gone at last ! "
 
 310 Ijistor^ ot "fflew l^orh 
 
 His remains were deposited in the family 
 vault, under a chapel which he had piously 
 erected on his estate, and dedicated to St. Nich- 
 olas, — and which stood on the identical spot at 
 present occupied by St. Mark's Church, where 
 his tombstone is still to be seen. His estate, or 
 bouwery^ as it was called, has ever continued in 
 the possession of his descendants, who, by the 
 uniform integrity of their conduct, and their 
 strict adherence to the customs and manners 
 that prevailed in the ^^ good old thnes,^^ have 
 proved themselves worthy of their illustrious 
 ancestor. Many a time and oft has the farm 
 been haunted at night by enterprising money- 
 diggers, in quest of pots of gold, said to have 
 been buried by the old governor, though I can- 
 not learn that any of them have ever been 
 enriched by their researches ; and who is there, 
 among my native-bom fellow-citizens, that does 
 not remember when, in the mischievous days 
 of his boyhood, he conceived it a great exploit 
 to rob "Stuyvesant's orchard" on a holiday 
 afternoon ? 
 
 At this stronghold of the family may still be 
 seen certain memorials of the immortal Peter. 
 His full-length portrait frowns in martial terrors 
 from the parlor wall ; his cocked hat and sword 
 still hang up in the best bedroom ; his brim- 
 stone-colored breeches were for a long while
 
 •ffnvaluable IReliques 
 
 311 
 
 suspended in the hall, until some years since 
 they occasioned a dispute between a new-mar- 
 ried couple ; and his silver-mounted wooden 
 leg is still treasured up in the store-room, as an 
 invaluable relique.
 
 CHAPTER XIII. 
 
 THE AUTHOR'S REFLECTIONS UPON WHAT HAS 
 BEEN SAID. 
 
 AMONG the numerous events, which are 
 each in their turn the most direful and 
 melancholy of all possible occurrences, in your 
 interesting and authentic history, there is none 
 that occasions such deep and heart-rending 
 grief as the decline and fall of your renowned 
 and mighty empires. Where is the reader who 
 can contemplate without emotion the disas- 
 trous events by which the great dynasties of the 
 world have been extinguished ? While wander- 
 ing, in imagination, among the gigantic ruins 
 of states and empires, and marking the tremen- 
 dous convulsions that wrought their overthrow, 
 the bosom of the melancholy inquirer swells 
 with sympathy commensurate to the surround- 
 ing desolation. Kingdoms, principalities, and 
 powers have each had their rise, their progress,
 
 /Dboral IRcflections 313 
 
 and their downfall, — each in its turn has swayed 
 a potent sceptre, — each has returned to its prime- 
 val nothingness. And thus did it fare with the 
 empire of their High Mightinesses, at the Man- 
 hattoes, under the peaceful reign of Walter the 
 Doubter, the fretful reign of William the Testy, 
 and the chivalric reign of Peter the Head- 
 strong. 
 
 Its history is fruitful of instruction, and wor- 
 thy of being pondered over attentively, for it 
 is by thus raking among the ashes of departed 
 greatness, that the sparks of true knowledge 
 are to be found, and the lamp of wisdom illu- 
 minated. Let, then, the reign of Walter the 
 Doubter warn against yielding to that sleek, 
 contented security, and that overweening fond- 
 ness for comfort and repose, which are produced 
 by a state of prosperity and peace. These tend 
 to unnerve a nation, to destroy its pride of 
 character, to render it patient of insult, deaf to 
 the calls of honor and of justice, and cause it 
 to cling to peace, like the sluggard to his pil- 
 low, at the expense of every valuable duty and 
 consideration. Such supineness insures the 
 very evil from which it shrinks. One right 
 yielded up, produces the usurpation of a sec- 
 ond ; one encroachment passively suffered, 
 makes way for another ; and the nation which 
 thus, through a doting love of peace, has sac-
 
 314 1bi0tori2 of IRew lorft 
 
 rificed honor and interest, will at length have 
 to fight for existence. 
 
 Let the disastrous reign of "William the Testy 
 serve as a salutary warning against that fitful, 
 feverish mode of legislation, which acts without 
 system, depends on shifts and projects, and 
 trusts to lucky contingencies ; which hesitates 
 and wavers, and at length decides with the rash- 
 ness of ignorance and imbecility ; which stoops 
 for popularity by courting the prejudices and 
 flattering the arrogance, rather than command- 
 ing the respect of the rabble ; which seeks 
 safety in a multitude of counsellors, and dis- 
 tracts itself by a variety of contradictory 
 schemes and opinions ; which mistakes pro- 
 crastination for wariness, hurry for decision, 
 parsimony for economy, bustle for business, 
 and vaporing for valor ; which is violent in 
 council, sanguine in expectation, precipitate in 
 action, and feeble in execution ; which under- 
 takes enterprises without forethought, enters 
 upon them without preparation, conducts them 
 without energy, and ends them in confusion 
 and defeat. 
 
 Let the reign of the good Stuyvesant show 
 the effects of vigor and decision even when des- 
 titute of cool judgment, and surrounded by 
 perplexities. Let it show how frankness, prob- 
 ity, and high-souled courage will command
 
 lessons to \)c fbcc^cb 315 
 
 respect, and secure honor, even where success 
 is unattainable. But at the same time, let it 
 caution against a too ready reliance on the good 
 faith of others, and a too honest confidence in 
 the loving professions of powerful neighbors, 
 who are most friendly when they most mean to 
 betray. Let it teach a judicious attention to 
 the opinions and wishes of the many, who, in 
 times of peril, must be soothed and led, or ap- 
 prehension will overpower the deference to 
 authority. 
 
 Let the empty wordiness of his factious sub- 
 jects, their intemperate harangues, their violent 
 "resolutions," their hectorings against an ab- 
 sent enemy, and their pusillanimity on his 
 approach, teach us to distrust and despise those 
 clamorous patriots whose courage dwells but 
 in the tongue. Let them serve as a lesson to 
 repress that insolence of speech, destitute of 
 real force, which too often breaks forth in 
 popular bodies, and bespeaks the vanity rather 
 than the spirit of a nation. Let them caution 
 us against vaunting too much of our own power 
 and prowess, and reviling a noble enemy. 
 True gallantry of soul would always lead us to 
 treat a foe with courtesy and proud pimctilio ; 
 a contrary conduct but takes from the merit of 
 victory, and renders defeat doubly disgraceful. 
 
 But I cease to dwell on the stores of excel-
 
 3i6 Ibistor^ of mew l^orft 
 
 lent examples to be drawn from the ancient 
 chronicles of the Manhattoes. He who reads 
 attentively will discover the threads of gold 
 which run throughout the web of history, and 
 are invisible to the dull eye of ignorance. But, 
 before I conclude, let me point out a solemn 
 warning, furnished in the subtle chain of events 
 by which the capture of Fort Casimir has pro- 
 duced the present convulsions of our globe. 
 
 Attend, then, gentle reader, to this plain de- 
 duction, which, if thou art a king, an emperor, 
 or other powerful potentate, I advise thee to 
 treasure up in thy heart, — though little expecta- 
 tion have I that my work shall fall into such 
 hands, for well I know the care of crafty min- 
 isters to keep all grave and edifying books of 
 the kind out of the way of unhappy monarchs, 
 lest peradventure they should read them and 
 learn wisdom. 
 
 By the treacherous surprisal of Fort Casimir, 
 then, did the crafty Swedes enjoy a transient 
 triumph, but drew upon their heads the ven- 
 geance of Peter Stuyvesant, who wrested all 
 New Sweden from their hands. By the con- 
 quest of New Sweden, Peter Stuyvesant aroused 
 the claims of Lord Baltimore, who appealed to 
 the cabinet of Great Britain, who subdued the 
 whole province of New Netherlands. By this 
 great achievement the whole extent of North
 
 Cbain of iBvcnte 317 
 
 America, from Nova Scotia to the Floridas, was 
 rendered one entire dependency upon the Brit- 
 ish crown, but mark the consequence. The 
 hitherto scattered colonies being thus consoli- 
 dated, and having no rival colonies to check or 
 keep them in awe, waxed great and powerful, 
 and finally becoming too strong for the mother- 
 country, were enabled to shake off its bonds, 
 and by a glorious revolution became an inde- 
 pendent empire. But the chain of events 
 stopped not here : the successful revolution in 
 America produced the sanguinary revolution in 
 France ; which produced the puissant Bona- 
 parte ; who produced the French despotism ; 
 which has thrown the whole world in confu- 
 sion ! Thus have these great powers been suc- 
 cessively punished for their ill-starred con- 
 quests ; and thus, as I have asserted, have all 
 the present convulsions, revolutions, and disas- 
 ters that overwhelm mankind, originated in 
 the capture of the little Fort Casimir, as re- 
 corded in this eventful histor>\ 
 
 And now, worthy reader, ere I take a sad 
 farewell, — which, alas ! must be forever, — will- 
 ingly would I part in cordial fellowship, and 
 bespeak thy kind-hearted remembrance. That 
 I have not written a better history of the days 
 of the patriarchs is not my fault ; had any other 
 person written one as good, I should not have
 
 3i8 Ibistors of mew l^ork 
 
 attempted it at all. That many will hereafter 
 spring up and surpass me in excellence, I have 
 very little doubt, and still less care, well know- 
 ing that, when the great Christovallo Colon 
 (who is vulgarly called Columbus) had once 
 stood his egg upon its end, every one at table 
 could stand his up a thousand times more dex- 
 terously. Should any reader find matter of 
 ofifence in this history, I should heartily grieve, 
 though I would on no account question his 
 penetration by telling him he was mistaken, his 
 good-nature by telling him he was captious, 
 or his pure conscience by telling him he was 
 startled at a shadow. Surely, when so ingen- 
 ious in finding offence where none was intend- 
 ed, it were a thousand pities he should not be 
 suffered to enjoy the benefit of his discovery. 
 
 I have too high an opinion of the understand- 
 ing of my fellow-citizens, to think of yielding 
 them instruction, and I covet too much their 
 good-will, to forfeit it by giving them good ad- 
 vice. I am none of those cynics who despise 
 the world because it despises them ; on the con- 
 trary, though but low in its regard, I look up 
 to it with the most perfect good-nature, and my 
 only sorrow is, that it does not prove itself 
 more worthy of the unbounded love I bear it. 
 If, however, in this my historic production — 
 the scanty fruit of a long and laborious life,—
 
 jfarewcU 319 
 
 I have failed to gratify the dainty palate of the 
 age, I can only lament my misfortune, for it is 
 too late in the season for me even to hope to 
 repair it. Already has withering age showered 
 his sterile snows upon my brow ; in a little while, 
 and this genial warmth which still lingers around 
 my heart, and throbs — worthy reader — throbs 
 kindly towards thyself, will be chilled forever. 
 Haply this frail compound of dust, which 
 while alive may have given birth to naught but 
 unprofitable weeds, may form a humble sod of 
 the valley, whence may spring many a sweet 
 wild flower, to adorn my beloved island of 
 Mauna-hata. 
 
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