POCKET EDITION KNICKERBOCKER'S HISTORY OF NEW YORK c3* BY WASHINGTON IRVING a* VOL. n. Wew Ifforft anO atonSon <S. IP. Putnam's Sons Zbc Iknfcfterbocfter ipresa, tHew Borft 6^ v?tor CONTENTS. BOOK W .—Continued. Chap, v.— Of the jurisprudence of William the Testy, and his admirable expedients for the sup- pression of poverty i Chap. VI. — Projects of William the Testy for increas- ing the currency ; he is outwitted by the Yan- kees—The great oyster war 8 Chap. VII.— Growing discontents of New Amster- dam under the government of William the Testy 15 Chap. VIII.— The edict of William the Testy against tobacco— Of the pipe plot, and the rise of feuds and parties 19 Chap. IX. — Of the folly of being happy in the time of prosperity — Of troubles to the south brought on by annexation— Of the secret expedition of Jan Jansen Alpendam, and his magnificent reward, 26 Chap. X.— Troublous times on the Hudson— How Killian Van Rensellaer erected a feudal castle, and how he introduced club-law into the prov- ince 32 Chap. XI.— Of the diplomatic mission of Antony the Trumpeter to the fortress of RenseUaer- stein, and how he was puzzled by a cabalistic reply 37 iv Contents Chap. XII. — Containing the rise of the great Am- phyctyonic Council of the Pilgrims, with the decline and final extinction of William the Testy 42 BOOK V. CONTAINING THE FIRST PART OF THE REIGN OF PETER STUYVESANT, AND HIS TROUBLES WITH THE AM- PHYCTYONIC COUNCIL. Chap. I.— In which the death of a great man is shown to be no very inconsolable matter of sorrow ; and how Peter Stu3rvesant acquired a great name from the uncommon strength of his head 50 Chap. II.— Showing how Peter the Headstrong be- stirred himself among the rats and cobwebs on entering into ofl&ce ; his interview with Antony the Trumpeter, and his perilous meddling with the currency 60 Chap. III.— How the Yankee I,eague waxed more and more potent, and how it outwitted the good Peter in treaty-making 66 Chap. IV. — Containing divers speculations on war and negotiations, showing that a treaty of peace is a great national evil 74 Chap. V. — How Peter Stuyv-esant was grievously be- lied by the great council of the I^eague, and how he sent Antony the Trumpeter to take to the council a piece of his mind 84 Chap. VI. — How Peter Stuy vesant demanded a court of honor, and what the court of honor awarded to him 91 Chap. VII.— How " Drum Ecclesiastic " was beaten throughout Connecticut for a crusade against the New Netherlands, and how Peter Stuyvesant took measures to fortify his capital ... 95 Contents ▼ Chap. VIII. — How the Yankee crusade against the New Netherlands was baflSed by the sudden outbreak of witchcraft among the people of the east 102 Chap. IX.— Which records the rise and renown of a military commander, showing that a man, like a bladder, may be pufifed up to greatness by mere wind ; together with the catastrophe of a veteran and his queue 109 BOOK VI. CONTAINING THE SECOND PART OF THE REIGN OF PETER THE HEADSTRONG, AND HIS GALLANT ACHIEVE- MENTS ON THE DELAWARE. Chap. I. — In which is exhibited a warlike portrait of the great Peter — Of the windy contest of Gen- eral Van Poffenburgh and General Printz, and of the mosquito war on the Delaware . . . 120 Chap. II.— Of Jan Risingh, his giantly person and crafty deeds ; and of the catastrophe at Fort Casimir 129 Chap. III. — Showing how profound secrets are often brought to light ; with the proceedings of Peter the Headstrong when he heard of the misfor- tunes of General Van Poffenburgh . . .138 Chap. IV. — Containing Peter Stuyvesant's voyage up the Hudson, and the wonders and delights of that renowned river 149 Chap. V.— Describing the powerful army that as- sembled at the city of New Amsterdam ; to- gether with the interview between Peter the Headstrong and General Van Poffenburgh, and Peter's sentiments touching unfortunate great men 160 wi Contents Chap. VI.— In which the author discourses very in- geniously of himself, after which is to be found much interesting history about Peter the Head- strong and his followers 170 Chap. VII.— Showing the great advantage that the author has over his reader in time of battle, to- together with divers portentous movements, which betoken that something terrible is about to happen 183 Chap. VIII. — Containing the most horrible battle ever recorded in poetry or prose ; with the ad- mirable exploits of Peter the Headstrong . . 19a Chap. IX.— In which the author and the reader, while reposing after the battle, faU into a very grave discourse ; after which is recorded the con- duct of Peter Stuyvesant after his victory . .201 BOOK VII. CONTAINING THE THIRD PART OF THE REIGN OF PETER THE HEADSTRONG ; HIS TROUBLES WITH THE BRIT- ISH NATION, AND THE DECLINE AND FALL OF THE DUTCH DYNASTY. Chap. I. — How Peter Stuyvesant relieved the sover- eign people from the burden of taking care of the nation ; with sundry particulars of his con- duct in the time of peace, and of the rise of a great Dutch aristocracy 220 Chap. II.— Hov/ Peter Stuyvesant labored to civilize the community— How he was a great promoter of the holidays— How he instituted kissing on New Year's Day — How he distributed fiddles throughout the New Netherlands— How he ven- tured to reform the ladies' petticoats, and how he caught a Tartar 230 Contents vi-i Chap. III.— How troubles thickened on the province — How it is threatened by the Helderbergers, the Merrylanders, and the giants of the Susque- hanna 236 Chap. IV.— How Peter Stuyvcsant adventured into the east country, and how he fared there . . 241 Chap. V.— How the Yankees secretly sought the aid of the British cabinet in their hostile schemes against the Manhattoes 251 Chap. VI. — Of Peter Stuj'vesant's expedition into the east country, showing that, though an old bird, he did not understand trap . . . .255 Chap. VII.— How the people of New Amsterdam were thrown into a great panic by the news of the threatened invasion ; and the manner in which they fortified themselves . . . .262 Chap, vni.— How the grand council of the New Netherlands were miraculously gifted with long tongues in the moment of emergency, showing the value of words in warfare .... 267 Chap. IX. — In which the troubles of New Amster- dam appear to thicken, showing the bravery, in time of peril, of a people who defend themselves by resolutions 273 Chap. X. — Containing a doleful disaster of Antony the Trumpeter ; and how Peter Stuj'^'esant, like a second Cromwell, suddenly dissolved a rump parliament 284 Chap. XI. — How Peter Stuyvesant defended the city of New Amsterdam for several days, by dint of the strength of his head 291 Chap. XII. — Containing the dignified retiiement, and mortal surrender of Peter the Headstrong . 302 Chap. XIII. — The author's reflections upon what has been said 312 A HISTORY OF NEW YORK BOOK rv. CHAPTER V. OF THE JURISPRUDENCES OF WILWAM THE TESTY, AND HIS ADMIRABI^E EXPEDIENTS FOR THE SUPPRESSION OF POVERTY. AMONG the wrecks and fragments of exalted wisdom, which have floated down the stream of time from venerable antiquity, and been picked up by those humble but industri- ous wights who ply along the shores of litera- ture, we find a shrewd ordinance of Charondas the Locrian legislator. Anxious to preserve the judicial code of the state from the additions and amendments of the country members and seekers of popularity, he ordained that, who- ever proposed a new law should do it with a halter about his neck ; whereby, in cas« his 2 fbistov^ of IRew J^ork proposition were rejected, they just hung him up — and there the matter ended. The effect was, that for more than two hun- dred years there was but one trifling alteration in the judicial code ; and legal matters were so clear and simple that the whole race of lawyers starved to death for want of employment. The Locrians, too, being freed from all incitement to litigation, lived very lovingly together, and were so happy a people that they make scarce any figure in history, it being only your liti- gious, quarrelsome, rantipole nations who make much noise in the world. I have been reminded of these historical facts in coming to treat of the internal policy of Wil- liam the Testy. Well would it have been for him had he, in the course of his universal ac- quirements, stumbled upon the precaution of the good Charondas, or had he looked nearer home at the protectorate of Oloffe the Dreamer, when the community was governed without laws. Such legislation, however, was not suited to the busy, meddling mind of William the Testy. On the contrary, he conceived that the true wisdom of legislation consisted in the mul- tiplicity of laws. He accordingly had great punishments for great crimes, and little punish- ments for little offences. By degrees the whole surface of society was cut up by ditches and /ftuItipUcltg of Xaw0 3 fences, and quickset hedges of the law, and even the sequestered paths of private life so beset by petty rules and ordinances, too numerous to be remembered, that one could scarce walk at large without the risk of letting oflf a spring- gun or falling into a man-trap. In a Httle while the blessings of innumerable laws became apparent ; a class of men arose to expound and confound them. Petty courts were instituted to take cognizance of petty offences, pettifoggers began to abound ; and the community was soon set together by the ears. Let me not be thought as intending any thing derogatory to the profession of the law, or to the distinguished members of that illus- trious order; Well am I aware that we have in this ancient city innumerable worthy gentle- men, the knights-errant of modem days, who go about redressing wrongs and defending the defenceless, not for the love of filthy lucre, nor the selfish cravings of renown, but merely for the pleasure of doing good. Sooner would I throw this trusty pen into the flames, and cork up my ink-bottle forever, than infringe even for a nail's breadth upon the dignity of these truly benevolent champions of the distressed. On the contrary, I allude merely to those caitiff scouts who, in these latter days of evil, infest the skirts of the profession, as did the 4 l)i6tors of Tlew 15or!i recreant Cornish knights of yore the honorable order of chivah-y, — who, under its auspices, commit flagrant wrongs, — who thrive by quib- bles, by quirks and chicanery, and like vermin increase the corruption in which they are eu' gendered. Nothing so soon awakens the malevolent pas- sions as the facility of gratification. The courts of law would never be so crowded with petty, vexatious, and disgraceful suits, were it not for the herds of pettifoggers. These tamper with the passions of the poorer and more ignorant classes, who, as if poverty were not a sufficient misery in itself, are ever ready to embitter it by litigation. These, like quacks in medicine, excite the malady to profit by the cure, and re- tard the cure to augment the fees. As the quack exhausts the constitution, the pettifogger exhausts the purse, and as he who has once been under the hands of a quack is forever after prone to dabble in drugs, and poison himself with infallible prescriptions, so the client of the pettifogger is ever after proue to embroil him- self with his neighbors, and impoverish himself with successful lawsuits. My readers -will ex- cuse this digression into which I have been unwarily betrayed ; but I could not avoid giv- ing a cool and unprejudiced account of an abomination too prevalent in this excellent city. XLbc Sin ot povcrttj 5 and with the effects of which I am ruefully acquainted : having been nearly ruined by a lawsuit which was decided against me ; and my ruin haxnng been completed by another, which was decided in my favor. To return to our theme. There was nothing in the whole range of moral offences against which the jurisprudence of William the Testy was more strenuously directed than the crying sin of poverty. He pronounced it the root of all evil, and determined to cut it up, root and branch, and extirpate it from the land. He had been struck, in the course of his travels in the old countries in Europe, with the wisdom of those notices posted up in country towns, that ' ' any vagrant found begging there would be put in the stocks," and he had observed that no beggars were to be seen in these neighbor- hoods ; having doubtless thrown off their rags and their poverty, and become rich under the terror of the law. He determined to improve upon this hint. In a little while a new machine, of his own invention, was erected hard by Dog's Misery, This was nothing more nor less than a gibbet, of a very strange, uncouth, and un- matchable construction, far more efficacious, as he boasted, than the stocks, for the punishment of poverty. It was for altitude not a whit in- ferior to that of Haman so renowned in Bible 6 Ijistorg of nacw l^ork history ; but the marvel of the contrivance was, that the culprit, instead of being suspended by by the neck, according to venerable custom, was hoisted by the waistband, and kept dan- gling and sprawling between heaven and earth for an hour or two at a time — to the infinite en- tertainment and edification of the respectable citizens who usually attend exhibitions of the kind. It is incredible how the little governor chuckled at beholding caitiff vagrants and sturdy beggars thus swinging by the cruppers, and cutting antic gambols in the air. He had a thousand pleasantries and mirthful conceits to utter upon these occasions. He called them his dandle-lions — his wild-fowl — his high-fliers — his spread-eagles — his goshawks — his scare- crows — and finally, his gallows-birds ; which ingenious appellation, though originally con- fined to worthies who had taken the air in this strange manner, has since grown to be a cant name given to all candidates for legal elevation. This punishment, moreover, if we may credit the assertions of certain grave etymologists, gave the first hint for a kind of harnessing, or strapping, by which our forefathers braced up their multifarious breeches, and which has of late years been revived and continues to be worn at the present day. B •RemcDg for povcrti? 7 Such was the punishment of all petty delin- quents, vagrants and beggars and others de- tected in being guilty of poverty in a small way ; as to those who had offended on a great scale, who had been guilty of flagrant misfortunes and enormous backslidings of the purse, and who stood convicted of large debts, which they were unable to pay, William Kieft had them straightway enclosed within the stone walls of a prison, there to remain until they should reform and grow rich. This notable expedient, however, does not seem to have been more efficacious under William the Testy than in ■snore modern days : it was found that the longer a poor devil was kept in prison the poorer he grew. CHAPTER VI. PROJECTS OF WII,I<IAM THE TESTY FOR IN- CREASING THE CURRENCY — HE IS OUTWIT- TED BY THE YANKEES — ^THE GREAT OYSTER WAR. NEXT to his projects for the suppression of poverty may be classed those of William the Testy, for increasing the wealth of New Amsterdam. Solomon, of whose character for wisdom the little governor was somewhat emu- lous, had made gold and silver as plenty as the stones in the streets of Jerusalem. William Kieft could not pretend to vie with him as to the precious metals, but he determined, as an equivalent, to flood the streets of New Amster- dam with Indian money. This was nothing more nor less than strings of beads wrought of clams, periwinkles, and other shell-fish, and called seawant or wampum. These had formed a native currency among the simple savages, who were content to take them of the Dutch- IFlew Coinage 9 men in exchange for peltries. In aa unlucky- moment, "William the Testy, seeing this money of easy production, conceived the project of making it the current coin of the province. It is true it had an intrinsic value among the Indians, who used it to ornament their robes and moccasins, but among the honest burghers it had no more intrinsic value than those rags which form the paper currency of modem days. This consideration, however, had no weight with William Kieft. He began paying all the servants of the company, and all the debts of government, in strings of wampum. He sent emissaries to sweep the shores of Long Island, which was the Ophir of this modern Solomon, and abounded in shell-fish. These were trans- ported in loads to New Amsterdam, coined into Indian money, and launched into circulation. And now, for a time, affairs went on swim- mingly ; money became as plentiful as in the modem days of paper currency, and, to use the popular phrase, " a wonderful impulse was given to public prosperity." Yankee traders poured into the province, buying every thing they could lay their hands on, and paying the worthy Dutchmen their own price — in Indian money. If the latter, however, attempted to pay the Yankees in the same coin for their tin ware and wooden bowls, the case was altered ; le Ibistors of IRew l^ork nothing would do but Dutch guilders and such like "metallic currency." What was worse, the Yankees introduced an inferior kind of wampum made of oyster-shells, with which they deluged the province, carrying off in ex- change all the silver and gold, the Dutch her- rings, and Dutch cheeses : thus early did the knowing men of the east manifest their skill in bargaining the New Amsterdammers out of the oyster, and leaving them the shell.* It was a long time before William the Testy was made sensible how completely his grand project of finance was turned against him by his eastern neighbors ; nor would he probably have ever found it out, had not tidings been brought him that the Yankees had made a de- scent upon Long Island, and had established a * In a manuscript record of the province, dated 1659, I,ibrary of the New York Historical Society, is the follow- ing mention of Indian money : " Seazaani alias wampum. Beads m^anufactnred from the Quakang- or wt'Ik : a shell-fish formerly abounding on our coasts, but lately of more rare occurrence, of two colors, black and white ; the former twice the value of the latter. Six beads of the white and three of the black for an English penny. The seawant depreciates from time to time. The New England people make use of it as a means of barter, not only to carry away the best cargoes which we send thither, but to accumulate a large quantity of beavers and other furs ; by which the com- Sany is defrauded of her revenues, aud the merchants isappointed in making returns with that speed with which they might wish to meet their engagements ; while their commissioners and the inhabitants remain overstocked with seawant,— a sort of currency of no value except with the New Netherland savages, etc." ©lister TWlar n kind of mint at Oyster Bay, where they were coining up all the oyster-banks. Now this was making a vital attack upon the province in a double sense, financial and gas- tronomical. Ever since the council-dinner of Oloffe the Dreamer at the founding of New Amsterdam, at which banquet the oyster figured so conspicuously, this divine shell-fish has been held in a kind of superstitious reverence at the Manhattoes ; as witness the temples erected to its cult in every street and lane and alley. In fact, it is the standard luxury of the place, as is the terrapin at Philadelphia, the soft crab at Baltimore, or the canvas-back at Washington. The seizure of Oyster Bay, therefore, was an outrage not merely on the pockets, but the larders, of the New Amsterdammers ; the whole community was aroused, and an oyster crusade was immediately set on foot against the Yan- kees. Every stout trencher-man hastened to the standard ; nay, some o^ the most corpulent burgomasters and Schepens joined the expe- dition as a corps de reserve, only to be called into action when the sacking commenced. The conduct of the expedition was intrusted to a valiant Dutchman, who for size and weight might have matched with Colbrand the Danish champion, slain by Guy of Warwick. He was famous throughout the pro\'ince for strength of 12 fbietov^ ot Irtew lock arm and skill at quarter-staflf, and hence was named StofTel Brinkerhoff, or rather, Brinker- hoofd, that is to say, Stoffel the head-breaker. This sturdy commander, who was a man of few words but vigorous deeds, led his troops resolutely on through Nineveh, and Babylon, and Jericho, and Patch-hog, and other Long Island towns, without encountering any dij65- culty of note ; though it is said that some of the burgomasters gave out at Hardscramble Hill and Hungry Hollow, and that others lost heart and turned back at Puss-panick. With the rest he made good his march until he arrived in the neighborhood of Oyster Bay. Here he was encountered by a host of Yankee warriors, headed by Preserved Fish, and Habak- kuk Nutter, and Return Strong, and Zerubbabel Fisk, and Determined Cock ! at the sound of whose names StofFel Brinkerhofif verily believed the whole parliament of Praise-God Barebones had been let loose upon him. He soon found, however, that they were merely the "select- men " of the settlement, armed with no weapon but the tongue, and disposed only to meet him on the field of argument. Stoflfel had but one mode of arguing, that was, with the cudgel ; but he used it with such effect that he routed his antagonists, broke up the settlement, and would have driven the inhabitants into the sea JBrinfterboff's ^riumpb 13 if they had not managed to escape across the Sound to the mainland by the Devil's stepping- stones, which remain to this day monuments of this great Dutch victory over the Yankees. Stoffel Brinkerhoff made great spoil of oysters and clams, coined and uncoined, and then set out on his return to the Manhattoes. A grand triumph, after the manner of the ancients, was prepared for him by William the Testy. He entered New Amsterdam as a conqueror, mounted on a Narraganset pacer. Five dried codfish on poles, standards taken from the enemy, were borne before him, and an im- mense store of oysters and clams. Weathers- field onions, and Yankee ''notions" formed the spolia opima ; while several coiners of oyster-shells were led captive to grace the hero's triumph. The procession was accompanied by a full band of boys and negroes, performing on the popular instruments of rattle-bones and clam- shells, while Antony Van Corlear sounded his trumpet from the ramparts. A great banquet was served up in the stadt- house from the clams and oysters taken from the enemy, while the governor sent the shells privately to the mint, and had them coined into Indian money, with which he paid his troops. It is moreover said that the governor, calling 14 fbietov^ of IRcw lorft to mind the practice among tlie ancients to honor their victorious general with public statues, passed a magnanimous decree, by which every tavern-keeper was permitted to paint the head of Stoflfel BrinkerhoflF upon his sign! CHAPTER VII. GROWING DISCONTENTS OF NEW AMSTERDAM UNDER THE GOVERNMENT OF WII,LIAM THE TESTY. IT has been remarked by the observ^ant writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript, that under the administration of William Kieft the disposi- tion of the inhabitants of New Amsterdam ex- perienced an essential change, so that they became very meddlesome and factious. The unfortunate propensity of the little governor to experiment and innovation, and the frequent exacerbations of his temper, kept his council in a continual worry ; and the council being to the people at large what yeast or leaven is to a batch, they threw the whole community in a ferment ; and the people at large being to the city what the mind is to the body, the unhappy commotions they underwent operated most dis- astrously upon New Amsterdam, — insomuch that, in certain of their paroxysms of conster- nation and perplexity, they begat several of the i6 Ibistors of Tlcvv lork most crooked, distorted, and abominable streets, lanes, and alleys, with which this metropolis is disfigured. The fact was, that about this time the com- munity, like Balaam's ass, began to grow more enlightened than its rider, and to show a dispo- sition for what is called "self-government." This restive propensity was first evinced in cer- tain popular meetings, in which the burghers of New Amsterdam met to talk and smoke over the complicated afiairs of the province, gradu- ally obfuscating themselves with politics and tobacco-smoke. Hither resorted those idlers and squires of low degree who hang loose on society and are blown about by every wind of doctrine. Cobblers abandoned their stalls to give lessons on political economy ; blacksmiths suffered their fires to go out while they stirred up the fires of faction ; and even tailors, though said to be the ninth parts of humanity, neglect- ed their own measures to criticise the measures of government. Strange ! that the science of government, which seems to be so generally understood, should invariably be denied to the only one called to exercise it. Not one of the politicians in question, but, take his word for it, could have administered affairs ten times better than William the Testy. political Baitationa 17 Under the instructions of these political ora- cles the good people of New Amsterdam soon became exceedingly enlightened, and, as a mat- ter of course, exceedingly discontented. They gradually found out the fearful error in which they had indulged, of thinking themselves the happiest people in creation, and were convinced that, all circumstances to the contrary notwith- standing, they were a very unhappy, deluded, and consequently ruined people ! We are naturally prone to discontent, and avaricious after imaginary causes of lamenta- tion. Like lubberly monks we belabor our own shoulders, and take a vast satisfaction in the music of our own groans. Nor is this said by way of paradox ; daily experience shows the truth of these observations. It is almost im- possible to elevate the spirits of a man groaning under ideal calamities ; but nothing is easier than to render him wretched, though on the pinnacle of felicity ; as it would be an hercu- lean task to hoist a man to the top of a steeple, though the merest child could topple him off thence. I must not omit to mention that the popular meetings were generally held at some noted tavern, these public edifices possessing what in modern times are thought the true fountain of political inspiration. The ancient Greeks de- i8 f)i5torB ot IFlew forft liberated upon a matter when drunk, and recon- sidered it when sober. Mob-politicians in mod- ern times dislike to have two minds upon a subject, so they both deliberate and act when drunk ; by this means a world of delay is spared ; and as it is universally allowed that a man when drunk sees double, it follows conclu- sively that he sees twice as well as his sober neighbors. CHAPTER Vni. OP THE EDICT OF WII,I.IAM THE TESTY AGAINST TOBACCO — OF THE PIPE PI^OT, AND THE RISE OF FEUDS AND PARTIES. WILHELMUS KIEFT, as has already been observed, was a great legislator on a small scale, and had a microscopic eye in public affairs. He had been greatly annoyed by the factious meeting of the good people of New Amsterdam, but, observing that on these occa- sions the pipe was ever in their mouth, he be- gan to think that the pipe was at the bottom of the affair, and that there was some mysteri- ous affinity between politics and tobacco-smoke. Determined to strike at the root of the evil, he began forthwith to rail at tobacco as a noxious, nauseous weed, filthy in all its uses ; and as to smoking, he denounced it as a heavy tax upon the public pocket, — a vast consumer of time, a great encourager of idleness, and a deadly bane 20 t)i6tors of Bew l^orft to the prosperity and morals of the people. Finally he issued an edict, prohibiting the smoking of tobacco throughout the New Neth- erlands. Ill-fated Kieft ! Had he lived in the present age and attempted to check the un- bounded license of the press, he could not have struck more sorely upon the sensibilities of the million. The pipe, in fact, was the great organ of reflection and deliberation of the New Neth- erlander. It was his constant companion and solace : was he gay, he smoked ; was he sad, he smoked ; his pipe was never out of his mouth ; it was a part of his physiognomy ; without it his best friends would not know him. Take away his pipe ? You might as well take away his nose ! The immediate effect of the edict of William the Testy was a popular commotion. A vast multitude, armed with pipes and tobacco-boxes, and an immense supply of ammunition, sat themselves down before the governor's house, and fell to smoking with tremendous violence. The testy "William issued forth like a wrathful spider, demanding the reason of this lawless fumigation. The sturdy rioters replied by loll- ing back in their seats, and puffing away with redoubled fury, raising such a murky cloud that the governor was fain to take refuge in the interior of his castle. XLhc pipe plot 21 A long negotiation ensued through the medi- um of Antony the Trumpeter. The governor was at first wrathful and unyielding, but was gradually smoked into terms. He concluded by permitting the smoking of tobacco, but he abolished the fair long pipe used in the days of Wouter Van Twiller, denoting ease, tranquil- lity, and sobriety of deportment ; these he con- demned as incompatible with the despatch of business, in place whereof he substituted little captious short pipes, two inches in length, which, he observed, could be stuck in one cor- ner of the mouth, or twisted in the hat-band, and would never be in the way. Thus ended this alarming insurrection, which was long known by the name of The Pipe Plot, and which, it has been somewhat quaintly observed, did end, like most plots and seditions, in mere smoke. But mark, O reader ! the deplorable evils which did afterwards result. The smoke of these villainous little pipes, continually ascend- ing in a cloud, stood about the nose, penetrated into and befogged the cerebellum, dried up all the kindly moisture of the brain, and rendered the people who use them as vaporish and testy as the governor himself. Nay, what is worse, from being goodly, burly, sleek-conditioned men, they became, like our Dutch yeomanry 22 l)i0tors of t\cw ^ox\{ who smoke short pipes, a lantern-jawed, smoke- dried, leather-hided race. Nor was this all. From this fatal schism in tobacco-pipes we may date the rise of parties in the Nieuw Nederlandts. The rich and self-im- portant burghers who had made their fortunes, and could afiFord to be lazy, adhered to the ancient fashion, and formed a kind of aristoc- racy known as the Long Pipes ; while the lower order, adopting the reform of William Kieft as more convenient in their handicraft employments, were branded with the plebeian name of Short Pipes. A third party sprang up, headed by the de- scendants of Robert Chewit, the companion of the great Hudson. These discarded pipes alto- gether and took to chewing tobacco ; hence they were called Quids, — an appellation since given to those political mongrels, which some- times spring up between two great parties, as a mule is produced between a horse and an ass. And here I would note the great benefit of party distinctions in saving the people at large the trouble of thinking. Hesiod divides man- kind into three classes, — those who think for themselves, those who think as others think, and those who do not think at all. The second class comprises the great mass of society ; for most people require a set creed and a file-leader. ©rlgln ot parties 23 Hence the origin of party : which means a large body of people, some few of whom think, and all the rest talk. The former take the lead and discipline the latter, prescribing what they must say, what they must approve, what they must hoot at, whom they must support, but, above all, whom they must hate ; for no one can be a right good partisan who is not a thor- ough-going hater. The enlightened inhabitants of the Manhat- toes, therefore, being divided into parties, were enabled to hate each other with great accuracy. And now the great business of politics went bravely on, the long pipes and short pipes assembling in separate beer-houses, and smok- ing at each other with implacable vehemence, to the great support of the state and profit to the tavern-keepers. Some, indeed, went so far as to bespatter their adversaries with those odoriferous little words which smell so strong in the Dutch language, believing, like true pol- iticians, that they served their party, and glori- fied themselves in proportion as they bewrayed their neighbors. But, however they might differ among themselves, all parties agreed in abusing the governor, seeing that he was not a governor of their choice, but appointed by others to rule over them. Unhappy William Kieft ! exclaims the sage 24 •ff)(0torg ot naew lork writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript, doomed to contend with enemies too knowing to be en- trapped, and to reign over a people too wise to be governed. All his foreign expeditions were baffled and set at naught by the all-pervading Yankees ; all his home measures were canvassed and condemned by ** numerous and respectable meetings" of pot-house politicians. In the multitude of counsellors we are told there is safety; but the multitude of counsel- lors was a continual source of perplexity to William Kieft. With a temperament as hot as an old radish, and a mind subject to perpetual whiilwinds and tornadoes, he never failed to get into a passion with every one who under- took to advise him. I have observed, however, that your passionate little men, like small boats with large sails, are easily upset or blown out of their course ; so was it with William the Testy, who was prone to be carried away by the last piece of advice blown into his ear. The consequence was that, though a projector of the iirst class, yet by continually changing his projects he gave none a fair trial ; and by en- deavoring to do every thing, he in sober truth did nothing. In the meantime the sovereign people got into the saddle, showed themselves, as usual, unmerciful riders ; spurring on the little gov TRUorrs of tbe (Sovcrnor 25 emor with harangues and petitions, and thwart- ing him with memorials and reproaches, in much the same as holiday apprentices man- age an unlucky devil of a hack-horse, — so that Wilhelmus Kieft was kept at a worry or a gallop throughout the whole of his adminis- tration. CHAPTER IX. OF THE FOI«LY OF BEING HAPPY IN TIME OF PROSPERITY — OF TROUBI^ES TO THE SOUTH BEING BROUGHT ON BY ANNEXATION — OF THE SECRET EXPEDITION OF JAN JANSEN ALPENDAM, AND HIS MAGNIFICENT RE- WARD. IF we could but get a peep at the tally of Dame Fortune, where like a vigilant land- lady she chalks up the debtor and creditor ac- counts of thoughtless mortals we should find that every good is checked off by an evil, and that, however we may apparently revel scot- free for a season, the time will come when we must ruefully pay off the reckoning. Fortune in fact is a pestilent shrew, and withal an inex- orable creditor ; and though for a time she may be all smiles and courtesies and indulge us in long credits, yet sooner or later she brings up her arrears with a vengeance, and washes out 3ftchle ^fortune 27 lier scores with our tears. " Since," says good old Boetius, "no man can retain her at his pleasure ; what are her favors but sure prognosti- cations of approaching trouble and calamity?" This is the fundamental maxim of that sage school of philosophers, the croakers, who esteem it true wisdom to doubt and despond when other men rejoice, well knowing that happiness is at best but transient, — that, the higher one is ele- vated on the seesaw balance of fortune, the lower must be its subsequent depression, — that he who is on the uppermost round of a ladder has most to suffer from a fall, while he who is at the bottom runs very little risk of breaking his neck by tumbling to the top. Philosophical readers of this stamp must have doubtless indulged in dismal forebodings all through the tranquil reign of Walter the Doubter, and considered it what Dutch seamen call a weather-breeder. They will not be sur- prised, therefore, that the foul weather which gathered during his days should now be rattling from all quarters on the head of William the Testy. The origin of some of these troubles may be traced quite back to the discoveries and annexa- tions of Hans Reinier Oothout, the explorer, and Wynant Ten Breeches, the land-measurer, made in the twilight days of Oloffe the Dream- 28 l)igtori2 ot Bevv l^orFi er ; by which the territories of the Nieuw Neder- landts were carried far to the south, to Delaware River and parts beyond. The consequence was, many disputes and brawls with the Indians, which now and then reached the drowsy ears of Walter the Doubter and his council, like the muttering of distant thunder from behind the mountains, without, however, disturbing their repose. It was not till the time of William the Testy that the thunderbolt reached the Manhat- toes. While the little governor was diligently protecting his eastern boundaries from the Yankees, word was brought him of the irrup- tion of a vagrant colony of Swedes in the south, who had landed on the banks of the Delaware and displayed the banner of that re- doubtable virago Queen Christina, and taken possession of the country in her name. These had been guided in their expedition by one Peter Minuits, or Minnewits, a renegade Dutch- man, formerly in the service of their High Mightinesses, but who now declared himself governor of all the surrounding country, to which was given the name of the province of New Sweden. It is an old saying that " a little pot is soon hot," which was the case with William the Testy. Being a little man, he was soon in a passion, and once in a passion, he soon boiled Unvasion from tbe Soutb 29 over. Summoning his council on receipt of this news, he belabored the Swedes in the longest speech that had been heard in the colony since the wordy warfare of Ten Breeches and Tough Breeches. Having thus taken off the fire-edge of his valor, he resorted to his favorite measure of proclamation, and de- spatched a document of the kind, ordering the renegade Minnewits and his gang of Swedish vagabonds to leave the country immediately, under pain of the vengeance of their High Mightinesses the Lords States-General, and of the potentates of the Manhattoes. This strong measure was not a whit more effectual than its predecessors, which had been thundered against the Yankees ; and William Kieft was preparing to follow it up with some- thing still more formidable, when he received intelligence of other invaders in his southern frontier, who had taken possession of the banks of the Schuylkill, and built a fort there. They were represented as a gigantic, gunpowder race of men, exceedingly expert at boxing, biting, gouging, and other branches of the rough-and- tumble mode of warfare, which they had learned from their prototypes and cousins-german, the Virginians, to whom they have ever borne con- siderable resemblance. Like them, too, they were great roisters, much given to revel on hoe- 30 Ibfstorg ot IRew l^orft cake and bacon, mint-julep and apple-toddy, whence their newly formed colony had already acquired the name of Merryland, which, with a slight modification, it retains to the present day. In fact, the Merrylanders and their cousins, the Virginians, were represented to William Kieft as offsets from the same original stock as his bitter enemies the Yanokie, or Yankee tribes of the east, having both come over to this country for the liberty of conscience, or, in other words, to live as they pleased : the Yankees taking to praying and money-making, and converting Quakers ; and the Southerners to horse-racing and cock-fighting, and breeding negroes. Against these new invaders Wilhelmus Kieft immediately despatched a naval armament of two sloops and thirty men, under Jan Jansen Alpendam, who was armed to the very teeth with one of the little governor's most powerful speeches, written in vigorous lyow Dutch. Admiral Alpendam arrived without accident in the Schuylkill, and came upon the enemy just as they were engaged in a great "barbecue," a kind of festivity or carouse much practised in Merryland. Opening upon them with the speech of William the Testy, he denounced them as a pack of lazy, canting, julep-tippling; ^be BC)m(rar6 IRcbutt 31 cock-fighting, horse-racing, slave-trading, tav- ern-hunting. Sabbath-breaking, mulatto-breed- ing upstarts, and concluded by ordering them to evacuate the country immediately ; to which they laconically replied in plain English, '* they 'd see him d— d first ! " Now, this was a reply on which neither Jan Jansen Alpendam nor Wilhelmus Kieft had made any calculation. Finding himself, therefore, totally unprepared to answer so terrible a rebuff with suitable hostility, the admiral concluded his wisest course would be to return home and report progress. He accordingly steered his course back to New Amsterdam, where he ar- rived safe, having accomplished this hazardous enterprise at small expense of treasure and no loss of life. His saving policy gained him the universal appellation of the Savior of his Country ; and his services were suitably re- warded by a shingle monument, erected by subscription on the top of Flattenbarrack Hill, where it immortalized his name for three whole years, when it fell to pieces and was burnt for fire-wood. CHAPTER X. TROUBI^OUS TIMES ON THE HUDSON — HOW KII,- WAN VAN RENSELI.AER ERECTED A FEUDAI, CASTI.E, AND HOW HE INTRODUCED CI,UB- I,AW INTO THE PROVINCE. ABOUT this time the testy little governor of the New Netherlands appears to have had his hands full, and with one annoyance and the other to have been kept continually on the bounce. He was on the very point of following up the expedition of Jan Jansen Alpendam by some belligerent measures against the maraud- ers of Merryland, when his attention was sud- denly called away by belligerent troubles springing up in another quarter, the seeds of which had been sown in the tranquil days of Walter the Doubter. The reader will recollect the deep doubt into which that most pacific governor was thrown on Killian Van Rensellaer's taking possession of Beam Island by wapen recht. 1 Castle of IRensellaerstclu 33 While the governor doubted and did nothing, the lordly Killian went on to complete his sturdy little castellum of Rensellaerstein, and to garrison it with a number of his tenants from the Helderberg, a mountain region famous for the hardest heads and hardest fists in the province. Nicholas Koom, a faithful squire of the patroon, accustomed to strut at his heels, wear his cast-off clothes, and imitate his lofty bearing, was established in this post as wacht- meester. His duty it was to keep an eye on the river, and oblige every vessel that passed, un- less on the service of their High Mightinesses, to strike its flag, lower its peak, and pay toll to the lord of Rensellaerstein. This assumption of sovereign authority within the territories of the Lords States-General, how- ever it might have been tolerated by Walter the Doubter, had been sharply contested by William the Testy on coming into office ; and many written remonstrances had been addressed by him to Killian Van Rensellaer, to which the latter never deigned a reply. Thus, by degrees, a sore place, or, in Hibernian parlance, a raw^ had been established in the irritable soul of the little governor, insomuch that he winced at the very name of Rensellaerstein. Now it came to pass that on a fine sunny day the Company's yacht, the Half-3Ioon, having 34 fbfstors of Iftew ^ox\{ been on one of its stated visits to Fort Aurania, was quietly tiding it down the Hudson. The commander, Govert Lockerman, a veteran Dutch skipper of few words but great bottom, was seated on the high poop, quietly smoking his pipe under the shadow of the proud flag of Orange, when, on arriving abreast of Beam Island, he was saluted by a stentorian voice from the shore, "Lower thy flag, and be d— d to thee!" Govert Lockerman, without taking his pipe out of his mouth, turned up his eye from under his broad-brimmed hat to see who hailed him thus discourteously. There, on the ramparts of the fort, stood Nicholas Koom, armed to the teeth, flourishing a brass-hilted sword, while a steeple-crowned hat and cock's tail-feather, for- merly worn by Killian Van Rensellaer himself, gave an inexpressible loftiness to his demeanor. Govert Lockerman eyed the warrior from top to toe, but was not to be dismayed. Taking the pipe slowly out of his mouth, "To whom should I lower my flag?" demanded he. "To the high and mighty Killian Van Rensellaer, the lord of Rensellaerstein ! " was the reply. "I lower to none but the Prince of Orange and my masters the Lords States-General." So saying, he resumed his pipe and smoked with an air of dogged determination. Covert Xocfterman 33 Bang ! went a gun from the fortress ; the ball cut both sail and rigging. Govert Lockerman said nothing, but smoked the more doggedly. Bang ! went another gun ; the shot whistled close astern. "Fire, and be d — d ! " cried Govert Locker- man, cramming a new charge of tobacco into his pipe, and smoking with still increasing ve- hemence. Bang ! went a third gun. The shot passed over his head, tearing a hole in the " princely- flag of Orange." This was the hardest trial of all for the pride and patience of Govert Lockerman. He main- tained a stubborn, though swelling silence ; but his smothered rage might be perceived by the short vehement puffs of smoke emitted from his pipe, by which he might be tracked for miles, as he slowly floated out of shot and out of sight of Beam Island. In fact, he never gave vent to his passion until he got fairly among the high- lands of the Hudson ; when he let fly whole volleys of Dutch oaths, which are said to linger to this verj'- day among the echoes of the Dun- derberg, and to give particular effect to the thunder-storms in that neighborhood. It was the sudden apparition of Govert Lock- erman at Dog's Misery, bearing in his hand the tattered liag of Orange, that arrested the atten- 56 fjistor^ of "Wew DorTi tion of William the Testy, just as he was devis- ing a new expedition against the marauders of Merryland, I will not pretend to describe the passion of the little man when he heard of the outrage of Rensellaerstein. Suffice it to say, in the first transports of his fury, he turned Dog's Misery topsy-turvy ; kicked every cur out of doors, and threw the cats out of the window ; after which, his spleen being in some measure relieved, he went into a council of war with Govert Lockerman, the skipper, assisted by Antony Van Corlear, the Trumpeter. CHAPTER XI. THE DIPI^OMATIC MISSION OP ANTONY THIS TRUMPETER TO THE FORTRESS OF RENSEV I^AERSTEIN — AND HOW HE WAS PUZZI^ED BY A CABAI^TIC REPI^Y. THE eyes of all New Amsterdam were now turned to see what would be the end of this direful feud between William the Testy and the patroon of Rensellaerwick ; and some, observing the consultations of the governor with the skipper and the trumpeter, predicted warlike measures by sea and land. The wTath of William Kieft, however, though quick to rise, was quick to evaporate. He was a perfect brush- heap in a blaze, snapping and crackling for a time, and then ending in smoke. Like many other valiant potentates, his first thoughts were all for war, his sober second thoughts for diplo- macy. Accordingly, Govert Lockerman was once 38 Ibistors of IRew l!?orJi more despatched up the river in the Company's yacht, the Goed Hoop, bearing Antony the Trumpeter as ambassador, to treat with the bel- ligerent powers of Rensellaerstein. In the ful- ness of time the yacht arrived before Beam Island, and Antony the Trumpeter, mounting the poop, sounded a parley to the fortress. In a little while the steeple-crowned hat of Nicholas Koom, the wacht-meester, rose above the battle- ments, followed by his iron visage, and ultimate- ly his whole person, armed, as before, to the very teeth ; while, one by one, a whole row of Helder- bergers reared their round burly heads above the wall, and beside each pumpkin-head ap- peared the end of a rusty musket. Nothing daunted by this formidable array, Antony Van Corlear drew forth and read with audible voice a missive from William the Testy, protesting against the usurpation of Bearn Island, and ordering the garrison to quit the premises, bag and baggage, on pain of the vengeance of the potentate of the Manhattoes. In reply, the wacht-meester applied the thumb of his right hand to the end of his nose, and the thumb of his left hand to the little finger of the right, and spreading each hand like a fan, made an aerial flourish with his fingers. Antony Van Corlear was sorely perplexed to understand this sign, which seemed to him something myste- ^be Sign /Bbanual 39 rious and masonic. Not liking to betray his ignorance, he again read with a loud voice the missive of William the Testy, and again Nicho- las Koorn applied the thumb of his right hand to the end of his nose, and the thumb of his left hand to the little finger of the right, and re- peated this kind of nasal weathercock. An- tony Van Corlear now persuaded himself that this was some short-hand sign or symbol, cur- rent in diplomacy, which, though unintelligible to a new diplomat, like himself, would speak volumes to the experienced intellect of William the Testy ; considering his embassy therefore at an end, he sounded his trumpet with great complacency and set sail on his return down the river, every now and then practising this mysterious sign of the wacht-meester to keep it accurately in mind. Arrived at New Amsterdam, he made a faith- ful report of his embassy to the governor, ac- companied by a manual exhibition of the re- sponse of Nicholas Koorn. The governor was equally perplexed with his embassy. He was deeply versed in the mysteries of freemasonry ; but they threw no light on the matter. He knew every variety of windmill and weather- cock, but was not a whit the wiser as to the aerial sign in question. He had even dabbled in Egyptian hieroglyphics and the mystic symbols 40 1bistori5 of IFlcw l^orft of the obelisks, but none furnished a key to the reply of Nicholas Koom. He called a meeting of his council. Antony Van Corlear stood forth in the midst, and putting the thumb of his right hand to his nose, and the thumb of his left hand to the finger of his right, he gave a faithful fac-simile of the portentous sign. Hav- ing a nose of unusual dimensions, it was as if the reply had been put in capitals ; but all in vain : the worthy burgomasters were equally perplexed with the governor. Bach one put his thumb to the end of his nose, spread his fingers like a fan, imitated the motion of An- tony Van Corlear, and then smoked in dubious silence. Several times was Antony obliged to stand forth like a fugleman and repeat the sign, and each time a circle of nasal weathercocks might be seen in the council-chamber. Perplexed in the extreme, William the Testy sent for all the soothsayers, and fortune-tellers, and wise men of the Manhattoes, but none could interpret the mysterious reply of Nicholas Koom. The council broke up in sore perplex- ity. The matter got abroad, and Antony Van Corlear was stopped at every corner to repeat the signal to a knot of anxious newsmongers, each of whom departed with his thumb to his nose and his fingers in the air, to carry the story home to his family. For several days all Zbc IbelOerbergcrs 41 business was neglected in New Amsterdam ; nothing was talked of but the diplomatic mis- sion of Antony the Trumpeter, — nothing was to be seen but knots of politicians with their thumbs to their noses. In the meantime the fierce feud between William the Testy and Kil- lian Van Rensellaer, which at first had men- aced deadly warfare, gradually cooled off", like many other war questions, in the prolonged de- lays of diplomacy. Still to this early affair of Rensellaerstein may be traced the remote origin of those windy wars in modern days which rage in the bowels of the Helderberg, and have wellnigh shaken the great patroonship of the Van Rensellaers to its foundation ; for we are told that the bully boys of the Helderberg who served under Nich- olas Koorn the wacht-meester, carried back to their mountains the hieroglyphic sign which had so sorely puzzled Antony Van Corlear and the sages of the Manhattoes ; so that to the pres- ent day the thumb to the nose and the fingers in the air is apt to be the reply of the Helder- bergers whenever called upon for any long ar- rears of rent CHAPTER XII. CONTAINING THE RISE OF THE GREAT AMPHIC- TYONIC COUNCII, OF THE PIIcGRIMS, WITH THE DECLINE AND FINAI, EXTINCTION OF WII,I,IAM THE TESTY. IT was asserted by the wise men of ancient times, who had a nearer opportunity of ascertaining the fact, that at the gate of Jupiter's palace lay two huge tuns, one filled with bless- ings, the other with misfortunes, and it would verily seem as if the latter had been completely overturned and left to deluge the unlucky prov- ince of Nieuw Nederlandts ; for about this time, while harassed and annoyed from the south and the north, incessant forays were made by the border chivalry of Connecticut upon the pig- sties and hen-roosts of the Nederlanders. Every day or two some broad-bottomed express-rider, covered with mud and mire, would come floun- dering into the gate of New Amsterdam, ^be ©atberltiQ Storm 4.7 freighted with some new tale of aggression from the frontier ; whereupon Antony Van Cor- lear, seizing his trumpet, the only substitute for a newspaper in those primitive days, would sound the tidings from the ramparts with such doleful notes and disastrous cadence as to throw half the old women in the city into hysterics ; all which tended greatly to increase his popularity, there being nothing for which the public are more grateful than being fre- quently treated to a panic, — a secret well known to the modem editors. But, O ye powers ! into what a paroxysm of passion did each new outrage of the Yankees throw the choleric little governor ! Letter after letter, protest after protest, bad Latin, worse English, and hideous Low Dutch, were inces- santly fulminated upon them, and the four-and- twenty letters of the alphabet, which formed his standing army, were worn out by constant campaigning. All, however, was ineffectual ; even the recent victory at Oyster Bay, which had shed such a gleam of sunshine between the clouds of his foul-weather reign, was soon followed by a more fearful gathering up of those clouds and indications of more portentous tempest ; for the Yankee tribe on the banks of the Connecticut, finding on this memorable occasion their incompetency to cope, in fair 44 l)l0torB ot naew l^orFi fight, with the sturdy chivalry of the Manhat- toes, had called to their aid all the ten tribes of their brethem, who inhabit the east country, which from them has derived the name of Yankee-land. This call was promptly respond- ed to. The consequence was a great confedera- cy of the tribes of Massachusetts, Connecticut, New Plymouth, and New Haven, under the title of the " United Colonies of New England" ; the pretended object of which was mutual de- fence against the savages, but the real object the subjugation of the Nieuw Nederlandts. For, to let the reader into one of the great secrets of histor}^, the Nieuw Nederlandts had long been regarded by the whole Yankee race as the modern land of promise, and themselves as the chosen and peculiar people destined, one day or other, by hook or by crook, to get pos- session of it. In truth, they are a wonderful and all-prevalent people, of that class who only require an inch to gain an ell, or a halter to gain a horse. From the time they first gained a foothold on Plymouth Rock, they began to migrate, progressing and progressing from place to place, and land to land, making a little here and a little there, and controverting the old proverb that a rolling stone gathers no moss. Hence they have facetiously received the nick- name of The PiIvGRIMS : that is to say, a peo- Jibe ©reat l^anhee Xeague 45 pie who are always seeking a better country than their own. The tidings of this great Yankee league struck William Kieft with dismay, and for once in his life he forgot to bounce on receiving a disagree- able piece of intelligence. In fact, turning over in his mind all that he had read at the Hague about leagues and combinations, he found that this was an exact counterpart of the Amphicty- onic League, by which the states of Greece attained such power and supremacy ; and the very idea made his heart quake for the safety of his empire at the Manhattoes. The affairs of the confederacy were managed by an annual council of delegates held at Boston, which Kieft denominated the Delphos of this truly classic league. The very first meeting gave evidence of hostility to the New Neder- landers, who were charged, in their dealings with the Indians, with carrying on a traffic in "guns, powther, and shott, — a trade damnable and injurious to the colonists." It is true the Connecticut traders were fain to dabble a little in this damnable traffic ; but then they always dealt in what were termed Yankee guns, in- geniously calculated to burst in the pagan hands which used them. The rise of this potent confederacy was a death-blow to the glorj' of William the Testy, 46 Ibistorg of IRew l^orFi for from that day forward he never held up his head, but appeared quite crestfallen. It is true, as the grand council augmented in power, and the league, rolling onward, gathered about the red hills of New Haven, threatening to over- whelm the Nieuw Nederlandts, he continued occasionally to fulminate proclamations and protests, as a shrewd sea-captain fires his gun into a water-spout ; but alas ! they had no more effect than so many blank cartridges. Thus end the authenticated chronicles of the reign of William the Testy ; for henceforth, in the troubles, perplexities, and confusion of the times, he seems to have been totally overlooked, and to have slipped forever through the fingers of scrupulous history. It is a matter of deep concern that such obscurity should hang over his latter days ; for he was in truth a mighty and great-little man, seeing that he was the first potentate that introduced into this land the art of fighting by proclamation, and defending a country by trumpeters and wind-mills. It is true, that certain of the early provincial poets, of whom there were great numbers in the Nieuw Nederlandts, taking advantage of his mysterious exit, have fabled that, like Romu- lus, he was translated to the skies, and forms a very fiery little star, somewhere on the left claw of the Crab ; while others, equally fanciful, jpate ot HCliUiam tbe Zcet^ 47 declare that he experienced a fate similar to that of the good King Arthur, who, we are assured by ancient bards, was carried away to the delicious abodes of fairy-land, where he still exists in pristine worth and vigor, and will one day or another return to restore the gallantry, the honor, and the immaculate probity, which prevailed in the glorious days of the Round Table.* All these, however, are but pleasing fantasies, the cobweb visions of those dreaming varlets, to which I would not have my judicious readers attach any credibility. Neither am I disposed to credit an ancient and rather apocryphal histo- rian, who asserts that the ingenious Wilhelmus was annihilated by the blowing down of one of his wind-mills ; nor a writer of later times, who affirms that he fell a victim to an experiment in natural history, having the misfortune to break his neck from the garret-window of the stadthouse in attempting to catch swallows by sprinkling salt upon their tails. Still less do I * The old Welsh bards believed that King Arthur was not dead, but carried awaie by the fairies into some pleasant place, where he sholde remaine for a time, and then retume againe and reign e in as great authority as ever. — Hollinshed. The Britons suppose that he shall come yet and con- quere all Britaigne, for certes, this is the prophicye of Merlyn — He say'd that his deth shall be doubteous ; and saidsoth, for men thereof yet have doubte and shullen for ever more — for men wyt not whether he lyveth or is dede.— D. I^eew. Chron. 48 tblstors ot IRew l^ocft put my faith in the tradition that he perished at sea in conveying home to Holland a treasure of golden ore, discovered somewhere among the hatmted regions of the Catskill Moun- tains.* * Diedrich Knickerbocker, in his scrupulous search after truth, is sometimes too fastidious in regard to facts which border a little on the marvellous. The story of the golden ore rests on something better than mere tradi- tion. The venerable Adrian Van der Donck, Doctor of l,aws, in his description of the Nevsr Netherlands, asserts it from his own observation as an eye-witness. He was present, he says, in 1645, at a treaty between Governor Kieft and the Mohawk Indians, in which one of the latter, in painting himself for the ceremony, used a pig- ment, the weight and shining appearance of which excited the curiosity of the governor and Mynheer Van der Donck. They obtained a lump, and gave it to be proved by a skilful doctor of medicine, Johannes de la Montague, one of the councillors of the New Nether- lands. It was put into a crucible, and yielded two pieces of gold, worth about three guilders. All this, continues Adrian Van der Donck, was kept secret. As soon as peace was made with the Mohawks, an ofl&cer and a few men were sent to the mountain, (in the region of the Kaatskill,) under the guidance 01 an Indian, to search for the precious mineral. They brought back a bucketful of ore ; which, being submitted to the crucible, proved as productive as the first. William Kiefl now thought the discovery certain. He sent a confidential person, Arent Corsen, with a bag full of the mineral, to New Haven, to take passage in an E)nglish ship for England^ thence to proceed to Holland. The vessel sailed at Christmas, but never reached her port. All on board perished. In the year 1647, Wilhelmus Kieft himself embarked on board the Princess, taking with him specimens of the supposed mineral. The ship was never heard of more! Some have supposed that the mineral in question was not gold, but pyrites ; but we have the assertion of Adrian Van der Donck, an eye-witness, and the experi- ment of Johannes de la Montagne, a learned doctor of medicine, on the golden side of the question. Cornelius Van Tienhooven, also, at that time secretary of the New Ibis probable BnD 49 The most probable account declares that, what with the constant troubles on his frontiers, the incessant schemings and projects going on in his own pericranium, the memorials, peti- tions, remonstrances, and sage pieces of advice of respectable meetings of the sovereign people, and the refractory disposition of his councillors, who were siire to differ from him on every point, and uniformly to be in the wrong, his mind was kept in a furnace heat, until he became as com- pletely burnt out as a Dutch family pipe which has passed through three generations of hard smokers. In this manner did he undergo a kind of animal combustion, consuming away like a farthing rushlight; so that when grim death finally snuffed him out, there was scarce left enough of him to bury ! Netherlands, declared in Holland that he had tested several specimens of the mineral, which proved satisfac- tory-.* It would appear however, that these golden treasures of the Kaatskill always brought ill luck : as is e\'idenced in the fate of Arent Corsen and Wilhelmus Kieft, and the wreck of the ships in which they attempted to convey the treasure across the ocean. The golden mines have never since been explored, but remain among the mys- teries of the Kaatskill Mountains, and under the pro- tection of the goblins that haunt them. * See Van der Donck's " Description of the New Neth- erlands." Collect. New York Hist. Society, Vol. I., p. 161. BOOK V. CONTAINING TH^ FIRST PART OF THR REIGN OF PETER STUYVESANT, AND HIS TROUBI^ES WITH THE AMPHICTYONIC COUNCII,. CHAPTER I. IN WHICH THE DEATH OF A GREAT MAN IS SHOWN TO BE NO VERY INCONSOIyABI^E MATTER OF SORROW — AND HOW PETER STUYVESANT ACQUIRED A GREAT NAME FROM THE UNCOMMON STRENGTH OF HIS HEAD. TO a profound philosopher like myself, who am apt to see clear through a subject, where the penetration of ordinary people ex- tends but half way, there is no fact more simple and manifest than that the death of a great man is a matter of very little importance. Much as we may think of ourselves, and much as we may excite the empty plaudits of the million, it is Cbfet /Bournera 5t certain that the greatest among us do actually fill but an exceeding small space in the world ; and it is equally certain that even that small space is quickly supplied when we leave it vacant. "Of what consequence is it," said Pliny, *' that individuals appear, or make their exit ? The world is a theatre, whose scenes and actors are continually changing." Never did philosopher speak more correctly ; and I only wonder that so wise a remark could have ex- isted so many ages, and mankind not have laid it more to heart. Sage follows on in the foot- steps of sage ; one hero just steps out of his triumphal car, to make way for the hero who comes after him ; and of the proudest monarch it is merely said, that "he slept with his fa- thers, and his successor reigned in his stead." The world, to tell the private truth, cares but little for their loss, and if left to itself would soon forget to grieve ; and though a nation has often been figuratively drowned in tears on the death of a great man, yet it is ten to one if an individual tear has been shed on the occasion, excepting from the forlorn pen of some hungry author. It is the historian, the biographer, and the poet, who have the whole burden of grief to sustain, — who — kind souls ! — like undertakers in England, act the part of chief mourners, — who inflate a nation with sighs it never 52 1bi6tors of TRew forft heaved, and deluge it with tears it never dreamt of shedding. Thus, while the patriotic author is weeping and howling, in prose, in hlank verse, and in rhyme, and collecting the drops of public sorrow into his volume, as into a lachrymal vase, it is more than probable his fellow-citizens are eating and drinking, fiddling and dancing, as utterly ignorant of the bitter lamentations made in their name as are those men of straw, John Doe and Richard Roe, of the plaintiffs for whom they are generously pleased to become sureties. The most glorious hero that ever desolated nations might have mouldered into oblivion among the rubbish of his own monument, did not some historian take him into favor, and benevolently transmit his name to posterity ; and much as the vahant William Kieft worried, and hustled, and turmoiled, while he had the destinies of a whole colony in his hand, I ques- tion seriously whether he will not be obliged to this authentic history for all his future celebrity. His exit occasioned no convulsion in the city of New Amsterdam nor its vicinity ; the earth trembled not, neither did any stars shoot from their spheres; the heavens were not shrouded in black, as poets w^ould fain persuade us they have been, on the death of a hero ; the rocks Chard-hearted varlets !) melted not into tears, f n /Rcmoriam 53 nor did the trees hang their heads in silent sor- row ; and as to the sun, he lay abed the next night just as long, and showed as jolly a face when he rose as he ever did on the same day of the month in any year, either before or since. The good people of New Amsterdam, one and all, declared that he had been a very busy, active, bustling little governor ; that he was " the father of this country " ; that he was ''the noblest work of God" ; that "he was a man, take him for all in all, they ne'er should look upon his like again " ; together with sundry oth- er civil and affectionate speeches regularly said on the death of all great men ; after which they smoked their pipes, thought no more about him, and Peter Stuyvesant succeeded to his station. Peter Stuyvesant was the last, and, like the renowned Wouter Van Twiller, the best of our ancient Dutch governors ; Wouter having sur- passed all who preceded him, and Peter, or Piet, as he was sociably called by the old Dutch burghers, who were ever prone to familiarize names, having never been equalled by any suc- cessor. He was in fact the very man fitted by nature to retrieve the desperate fortunes of her beloved province, had not the fates, those most potent and unrelenting of all ancient spinsters, destined them to inextricable confusion. To say merely that he was a hero, would be 54 1bl6tors ot Bew l^orft doing him great injustice : he was in truth a combination of heroes ; for he was of a sturdy, raw-boned make, like Ajax Telamon, with a pair of round shoulders that Hercules would have given his hide for (meaning his lion's hide) when he undertook to ease old Atlas of his load. He was, moreover, as Plutarch describes Corio- lanus, not only terrible for the force of his arm, but likewise of his voice, which sounded as though it came out of a barrel ; and, like the self-same warrior, he possessed a sovereign con- tempt for the sovereign people, and an iron aspect, which was enough of itself to make the very bowels of his adversaries quake with terror and dismay. All this material excellency of appearance was inexpressibly heightened by an accidental advantage, with which I am surprised that neither Homer nor Virgil have graced any of their heroes. This was nothing less than a wooden leg, which was the only prize he had gained in bravely fighting the battles of his country, but of which he was so proud, that he was often heard to declare he valued it more than all his other limbs put together ; indeed so highly did he esteem it that he had it gallantly enchased and relieved with silver devices, which caused it to be related in divers histories and legends that he wore a silver leg.* * See the histories of Masters Josselyn and Blome. peter Stuisvesant 55 Like that choleric warrior Achilles, he was somewhat subject to extempore bursts of pas- sion, which were rather unpleasant to his favor- ites and attendants, whose perceptions he was apt to quicken, after the manner of his illustrious imitator, Peter the Great, by anointing their shoulders with his walking-staff. Though I cannot find that he had read Plato, or Aristotle, or Hobbes, or Bacon, or Algernon Sydney, or Tom Paine, yet did he sometimes manifest a shrewdness and sagacity in his meas- ures, that one would hardly expect from a man who did not know Greek, and had never studied the ancients. True it is, and I confess it with sorrow, that he had an unreasonable aversion to experiments, and was fond of governing his province after the simplest manner ; but then he contrived to keep it in better order than did the erudite Kieft, though he had all the philos- ophers, ancient and modem, to assist and per- plex him. I must likewise own that he made but very few laws ; but then, again, he took care that those few were rigidly and impartially en- forced ; and I do not know but justice, on the whole, was as well administered as if there had been volumes of sage acts and statutes yearly made, and daily neglected and forgotten. He was, in fact, the very reverse of his pred- ecessors, being neither tranquil and inert, like 56 Ibistor^ of IFlew l^ork Walter the Doubter, nor restless and fidgeting, like William the Testy, but a man, or rather a governor, of such uncommon activity and deci- sion of mind, that he never sought nor accepted the advice of others, — depending bravely upon his single head, as would a hero of yore upon his single arm, to carry him through all diffi- culties and dangers. To tell the simple truth, he wanted nothing more to complete him as a statesman than to think always right ; for no one can say but that he always acted as he thought. He was never a man to flinch when he found himself in a scrape, but to dash forward through thick and thin, trusting, by hook or by crook, to make all things straight in the end. In a word, he possessed, in an eminent degree, that great quality in a statesman, called perseverance by the polite, but nicknamed obstinacy by the vulgar, — a wonderful salve for official blunders, since he who perseveres in error without flinch- ing gets the credit of boldness and consistency, while he who wavers in seeking to do what is right gets stigmatized as a trimmer. This much is certain, and it is a maxim well worthy the at- tention of all legislators, great and small, who stand shaking in the wind, irresolute which way to steer, that a ruler who follows his own will pleases himself, while he who seeks to satisfy the wishes and whims of others runs great risk 'QClinDs ^vit>n^ 57 of pleasing nobody. There is nothing, too, like putting down one's foot resolutely when in doubt, and letting things take their course. The clock that stands still points right twice in the four-and-twenty hours, while others may keep going continually and be continually going wrong. Nor did this magnanimous quality escape the discernment of the good people of Nieuw Neder- landts ; on the contrary, so much were they struck with the independent will and vigorous resolution displayed on all occasions by their new governor, that they universally called him Hard-Koppig Piet, or Peter the Headstrong, — a great compliment to the strength of his un- derstanding. If, from all that I have said, thou dost not gather, worthy reader, that Peter Stuyvesant was a rough, sturdy, valiant, weather-beaten, mettlesome, obstinate, leathern-sided, lion- hearted, generous-spirited old governor, either I have written to but little purpose, or thou art very dull at drawing conclusions. This most excellent governor commenced his administration on the 29th of May, 1647, — a remarkably stormy day, distinguished in all the almanacs of the time which have come down to us by the name of Windy Friday. As he was very jealous of his personal and oflScial dignity, 58 Ibistorg of naew l^orft he was inaugurated into office with great cere- mony, — the goodly oaken chair of the re- nowned Wouter Van Twiller being carefully preserved for such occasions, in like manner as the chair and stone were reverentially preserved at Schone, in Scotland, for the coronation of the Caledonian monarchs. I must not omit to mention that the tem- pestuous state of the elements, together with its being that unlucky day of the week termed "hanging-day," did not fail to excite much grave speculations and divers very reasonable apprehensions among the more ancient and enlightened inhabitants ; and several of the sager sex, who were reputed to be not a little skilled in the mystery of astrology and fortune- telling, did declare outright that they were omens of a disastrous administration, — an event that came to be lamentably verified, and which proves beyond dispute the wisdom of attending to those preternatural intimations furnished by dreams and visions, the flying of birds, fall- ing of stones, and cackling of geese, on which the sages and rulers of ancient times placed such reliance ; or to those shootings of stars, eclipses of the moon, bowlings of dogs, and flarings of candles, carefully noted and inter- preted by the oracular sibyls of our day, — who, in my humble opinion, are the legitimate in- CbreatencD Danger 59 heritors and preservers of the ancient science of divination. This much is certain, that Gov- ernor Stuyvesant succeeded to the chair of state at a turbulent period : when foes thronged and threatened from without ; when anarchy and stiflf-necked opposition reigned rampant within; when the authority of their High Mightinesses the Lords States-General, though supported by economy and defended by speech- es, protests, and proclamations, yet tottered to its very centre ; and when the great city of New Amsterdam, though fortified by flag-staffs, trumpeters, and windmills, seemed, like some fair lady of easy virtue, to lie open to attack, and ready to yield to the first invader. CHAPTER II. SHOWING HOW PETER THE HEADSTRONG BE- STIRRED HIMSEI.F AMONG THE RATS AND COBWEBS ON ENTERING INTO OFFICE — HIS INTERVIEW WITH ANTONY THE TRUMP- ETER, AND HIS PERII^OUS MEDDI^ING WITH THE CURRENCY. THB very first movements of the great Peter, on taking the reins of government, dis- played his magnanimity, though they occa- sioned not a little marvel and uneasiness among the people of the Manhattoes. Finding him- self constantly interrupted by the opposition, and annoyed by the advice of his privy council, the members of which had acquired the unrea- sonable habit of thinking and speaking for themselves during the preceding reign, he de- termined at once to put a stop to such grievous abominations. Scarcely, therefore, had he entered upon his authority, than he turned out DlGorous /Bbeasures 6i of office all the meddlesome spirits of the fac- tious cabinet of William the Testy ; in place of whom he chose unto himself counsellors from those fat, somniferous, respectable burghers who had flourished and slumbered under the easy- reign of Walter the Doubter. All these he caused to be furnished with abundance of fair long pipes, and to be regaled with frequent corporation dinners, admonishing them to smoke, and eat, and sleep for the good of the nation, while he took the burden of govern- ment upon his own shoulders, — an arrangement to which they all gave hearty acquiescence. Nor did he stop here, but made a hideous rout among the inventions and expedients of his learned predecessor, — rooting up his patent gal- lows, where caitiff vagabonds were suspended by the waistband, — demolishing his flag-staffs and windmills, which, like mighty giants, guarded the ramparts of New Amsterdam, — pitching to the duj^el whole batteries of quaker guns, — and, in a word, turning topsy-turvy the whole philosophic, economic, and windmill system of the immortal sage of Saardam. The honest folk of New Amsterdam began to quake now for the fate of their matchless cham- pion, Antony the Trumpeter, who had acquired prodigious favor in the eyes of the women, by means of his whiskers and his trumpet. Him 62 1bl6torg of IFlcw l^orft did Peter the Headstrong cause to be brought into his presence, and eying him for a moment from head to foot, with a countenance that would have appalled any thing else than a sounder of brass, — "Pr'ylhee, who and what art thou?" said he. ** Sire," replied the other, in no wise dismayed, ** for my name, it is Antony Van Cor- lear ; for my parentage, I am the son of my mother ; for my profession, I am champion and garrison of this great city of New Amsterdam." "I doubt me much," said Peter Stuyvesant, **that thou art some scurvy costard-monger knave. How didst thou acquire this paramount honor and dignity ? " "Marry, sir, " replied the other, "like many a great man before me, simply by sounding my own trutnpet.''^ *' Ay, is it so ? " quoth the governor ; "why, then, let us have a relish of thy art. " Whereupon the good Antony put his instrument to his lip, and sounded a charge with such a tremendous outset, such a delectable quaver, and such a triumphant cadence, that it was enough to make one's heart leap out of one's mouth only to be within a mile of it. Like as a war-worn charger, grazing in peaceful plains, starts at a strain of martial music, pricks up his ears, and snorts, and paws, and kindles at the noise, so did the heroic Peter joy to hear the clangor of the trumpet ; for of him might truly be said, what was recorded of the peter anD Bntonis 63 renowned St. George of England, "there was nothing in all the world that more rejoiced his heart than to hear the pleasant sound of war, and see the soldiers brandish forth their steeled weapons." Casting his eye more kindly, there- fore, upon the sturdy Van Corlear, and finding him to be a jovial varlet, shrewd in his discourse, yet of great discretion and immeasurable wind, he straightway conceived a vast kindness for him, and discharging him from the troublesome duty of garrisoning, defending, and alarming the city, ever after retained him about his person, as his chief favorite, confidential envoy, and trusty squire. Instead of disturbing the city with dis- astrous notes, he was instructed to play so as to dehght the governor while at his repasts, as did the minstrels of yore in the days of glorious chivalry, and on all public occasions to rejoice the ears of the people with warlike melody, — thereby keeping alive a noble and martial spirit. But the measure of the valiant Peter which produced the greatest agitation in the commu- nity, was his laying his hand on the currency. He had old-fashioned notions in favor of gold and silver, which he considered the true standards of wealth and mediums of commerce ; and one of his first edicts was, that all duties to govern- ment should be paid in those precious metals, 64 Iblstors of naew l^orft and that seawant, or wampum, should no longer be a legal tender. Here was a blow at public prosperity ! All those who speculated on the rise and fall of this fluctuating currency, found their calling at an end ; those, too, who had hoarded Indian money by barrels full, found their capital shrunk in amount ; but, above all, the Yankee traders, who were accustomed to flood the market with newly coined oyster-shells, and to abstract Dutch mer- chandise in exchange, were loud-mouthed in de- crying this "tampering with the currency." It was clipping the wings of commerce ; it was checking the development of public prosperity ; trade would be at an end ; goods would moulder on the shelves ; grain would rot in the granaries ; grass would grow in the market-place. In a word, no one who has not heard the outcries and bowlings of a modern Tarshish, at any check upon ** paper-money," can have any idea of the clamor against Peter the Headstrong, for check- ing the circulation of oyster-shells. In fact, trade did sink into narrower chan- nels ; but then the stream was deep as it was broad ; the honest Dutchmen sold less goods ; but then they got the worth of them, either in silver and gold, or in codfish, tin-ware, apple- brandy, Weathersfield onions, wooden bowls, and other articles of Yankee barter. The in- "dCloo&cn tiutmcQe 65 genious people of the east, however, indemnified themselves another way for having to abandon the coinage of oyster-shells ; for about this time we are told that wooden nutmegs made their first appearance in New Amsterdam, to the great annoyance of the Dutch housewives. NOTE. From a manuscript record of the province ; Lib. N. Y. Hist. Society. — We have been unable to render your in- habitants wiser and prevent their being further imposed upon than to declare absolutely and peremptorily that henceforward seawant shall be bullion, — not longer ad- missible in trade, without any value, as it is indeed. So that every one may be upon his guard to barter no longer away his wares and merchandises for these bubbles, — at least not to accept them at a higher rate, or in a larger quantity, than as they may want them in their trade with the savages. In this way your English (Yankee) neighbors shall no longer be enabled to draw the best wares and merchan- dises from our country for nothing, — the beavers and furs not excepted. This has indeed long since been insuffer- able, although it ought chiefly to be imputed to the im- prudent penuriousness of our own merchants and in- habitants, who, it is to be hoped, shall, through the abolition of this seawant, become wiser and more prudent. 27th January, 1662. Seawant falls into disrepute ; duties to be paid in silver CHAPTER III. HOW THE YANKEE IvEAGUE WAXED MORE AND MORE POTENT ; AND HOW IT OUTWITTED THE GOOD PETER IN TREATY-MAKING. NOW it came to pass that, while Peter Stuy- vesant was busy regulating the internal afifairs of his domain, the great Yankee league, which had caused such tribulation to William the Testy, continued to increase in extent and power. The grand Amphictyonic council of the league was held at Boston, where it spun a web, which threatened to link within it all the mighty principalities and powers of the east. The object proposed by this formidable combi- nation was mutual protection and defence against their savage neighbors ; but all the world knows the real aim was to form a grand crusade against the Nieuw Nederlandts, and to get possession of the city of the Manhattoes, — as devout an object of enterprise and ambition to the Yankees as was ever the capture of Jeru- salem to ancient crusaders. •KboDe lIslanD petition 67 In the very year following the inauguration of Governor Stuyvesant, a grand deputation departed from the city of Providence (famous for its dusty streets and beauteous women) in behalf of the plantation of Rhode Island, pray- ing to be admitted into the league. The following minute of this deputation ap- peared in the ancient records of the council.* "Mr. Will. Cottington and Captain Partridg of Rhoode Island presented this insewing re- quest to the commissioners in wrighting — " Our request and motion is in behalfe of Rhoode Hand, that wee the Ilauders of Roode- Iland may be rescauied into combination with all the united colonyes of New England in a firme and perpetual league of friendship and amity of ofence and defence, mutuall advice and succor upon all just occasions for our mu- tuall safety and wellfaire, etc. " WiLi. Cottington. " AwcxsANDER Partridg." There was certainly something in the very physiognomy of this document that might well inspire apprehension. The name of Alexander, however misspelt, has been warlike in every age ; and though its fierceness is in some meas- ure softened by being coupled with the gentle • Haz. Col. Stat. Pap. 68 Distort of IRcw l^orFi cognomen of Partridge, still, like the color of scarlet, it bears an exceeding great resemblance to the sound of a trumpet. From the style of the letter, moreover, and the soldier-like igno- rance of orthography displayed by the noble Captain Alicxsander Partridg in spelling his own name, we may picture to ourselves this mighty man of Rhodes, strong in arms, potent in the field, and as great a scholar as though he had been educated among that learned people of Thrace, who, Aristotle assures us, could not count beyond the nimiber four. The result of this great Yankee league was augmented audacity on the part of the moss- troopers of Connecticut, — pushing their en- croachments farther and farther into the terri- tories of their High Mightinesses, so that even the inhabitants of New Amsterdam began to draw short breath and to find themselves ex- ceedingly cramped for elbow-room. Peter Stuyvesant was not a man to submit quietly to such intrusions ; his first impulse was to march at once to the frontier and kick these squatting Yankees out of the country ; but, bethinking himself in time that he was now a governor and legislator, the policy of the statesman for once cooled the fire of the old soldier, and he determined to try his hand at negotiation. A correspondence accordingly f)an3 IRelnier ©otbout 69 ensued between him and the grand council of the league, and it was agreed that commissioners from either side should meet at Hartford, to settle boundaries, adjust grievances, and estab- lish a " perpetual and happy peace." The commissioners on the part of the Man- hattoes were chosen, according to immemorial usage of that venerable metropolis, from among the "wisest and weightiest" men of the com- munity, that is to say, men with the oldest heads and heaviest pockets. Among these sages the veteran navigator, Hans Reinier Oothout, who had made such extensive discov- eries during the time of Oloffe the Dreamer, was looked up to as an oracle in all matters of the kind ; and he was ready to produce the very spy-glass with which he first spied the mouth of the Connecticut River from his mast-head ; and all the world knows the discovery of the mouth of a river gives prior right to all the lands drained by its waters. It was with feelings of pride and exultation that the good people of the Manhattoes saw two of the richest and most ponderous burghers departing on this embassy, — men whose word on 'change was oracular, and in whose presence no poor man ventured to appear without taking off his hat ; when it was seen, too, that the vet- eran Reinier Oothout accompanied them with 70 1b(6torg ot Bew ^oxU his spy-glass under his arm, all the old men and old women predicted that men of such weight, with such evidence, would leave the Yankees no alternative but to pack up their tin kettles and wooden wares, put wife and chil- dren in a cart, and abandon all the lands of their High Mightinesses on which they had squatted. In truth, the commissioners sent to Hartford by the league seemed in no wise calculated to compete with men of such capacity. They were two lean Yankee lawyers, litigious-look- ing varlets, and evidently men of no substance, since they had no rotundity in the belt, and there was no jingling of money in their pock- ets ; it is true, they had longer heads than the Dutchmen ; but if the heads of the latter were flat at top, they were broad at bottom, and what was wanting in height of forehead was made up by a double chin. The negotiation turned as usual upon the good old comer-stone of original discovery, — according to the principle that he who first sees a new country has an unquestionable right to it This being admitted, the veteran Oothout, at a concerted signal, stepped forth in the assembly with the identical tarpauling spy- glass in his hand with which he had discovered the mouth of the Connecticut, while the worthy Dutch commissioners lolled back in their chairs, secretly chuckling at the idea of having for once got the weather-gage of the Yankees ; but what was their dismay when the latter pro- duced a Nantucket whaler with a spy-glass twice as long, with which he discovered the whole coast, quite down to the Manhattoes, and so crooked that he had spied with it up the whole course of the Connecticut River. This principle pushed home, therefore, the Yankees had a right to the whole country bordering on the Sound ; nay, the city of New Amsterdam was a mere Dutch squatting-place on their ter- ritories. I forbear to dwell upon the confusion of the worthy Dutch commissioners at finding their main pillar of proof thus knocked from under them; neither will I pretend to describe the consternation of the wise men at the Manhat- toes when they learned how their commissioners had been out-trumped by the Yankees, and how the latter pretended to claim to the very gates of New Amsterdam. Long was the negotiation protracted, and long was the public mind kept in a state of anxiety. There are two modes of settling boundary ques- tions when the claims of the opposite are irrec- oncilable. One is by an appeal to arms, in which case the weakest party is apt to lose its 72 1b(0torg ot 1FICW l^orf; right, and get a broken head in the bargain ; the other mode is by compromise, or mutual concession, — that is to say, one party cedes half of its claims, and the other party half of its rights ; he who grasps most gets most, and the whole is pronounced an equitable division, ** perfectly honorable to both parties." The latter mode was adopted in the present instance. The Yankees gave up claims to vast tracts of the Nieuw Nederlandts, which they had never seen, and all right to the land of Mannahata and the city of New Amsterdam, to which they had no right at all; while the Dutch, in return, agreed that the Yankees should retain possession of the frontier places where they had squatted, and of both sides of the Connecticut River. When the news of this treaty arrived at New Amsterdam the whole city was in an uproar of exultation. The old women rejoiced that there was to be no war ; the old men that their cab- bage-gardens were safe from invasion ; while the political sages pronounced the treaty a great triumph over the Yankees, considering how much they had claimed, and how little they had been " fobbed off with." And now my worthy reader is, doubtless, like the great and good Peter, congratulating him- self with the idea that his feelings will no tTrcatg ot peace 73 longer be harassed by afflicting details of stolen horses, broken heads, impounded hogs, and all the other catalogue of heart-rending cruelties that disgraced these border wars. But if he should indulge in such expectations, it is a proof that he is but little versed in the para- doxical ways of cabinets, to convince him of which I solicit his serious attention to my next chapter, wherein I will show that Peter Stuyve- sant has already committed a great error in poHtics, and by effecting a peace has materially hazarded the tranquillity of the province. CHAPTER IV. CONTAINING DIVERS SPECUI^ATIONS ON WAR AND NEGOTIATIONS — SHOWING THAT A TREATY OP PEACE IS A GREAT NATIONAI, EVII,. IT was the opinion of that poetical philoso- pher, Lucretius, that war was the original state of man, whom he described as being prim- itively a savage beast of prey, engaged in a con- stant state of hostility with his own species, and that this ferocious spirit was tamed and ameliorated by society. The same opinion has been advocated by Hobbes * ; nor have there been wanting many other philosophers to ad- mit and defend. For my part, though prodigiously fond of these valuable speculations, so complimentary to human nature, yet in this instance I am in- clined to take the proposition by halves, believ- * Hobbes' "I^eviathan," part i., ch. 13. ^be Brt of 'tClar 75 ing with Horace,* that though war may have been originally the favorite amusement and in- dustrious employment of our progenitors, yet, like many other excellent habits, so far from being ameliorated, it has been cultivated and confirmed by refinement and civilization, and increases in exact proportion as we approach towards that state of perfection which is the ne plus ultra of modem philosophy. The first conflict between man and man was the mere exertion of physical force, unaided by auxiliary weapons; his arm was his buckler, his fist was his mace, and a broken head the catastrophe of his encounters. The battle of unassisted strength was succeeded by the more rugged one of stones and clubs, and war as- sumed a sanguinary aspect. As man advanced in refinement, as his faculties expanded, and as his sensibilities became more exquisite, he grew rapidly more ingenious and experienced in the art of murdering his fellow-beings. He invented a thousand devices to defend and to assault : the helmet, the cuirass, and the buckler, the sword, the dart, and the javelin, prepared him to elude the wound as well as to launch the ♦Quum prorepserunt primis animalia terris, Mutuum ac turpe pecus, glandematquecubilia propter, Ungiiibus et pugnis, dein fustibus, atque ita porro Pugnabant armis, quae post fabricaverat usus. HOR. Sat., ly. i., S. 3. 76 Ibistorg of mew lorFi blow. Still urging on, in the career of pliil- antliropic invention, he enlarges and heightens his powers of defence and injury : — The Aries, the Scorpio, the Balista, and the Catapulta, give a horror and sublimity to war, and magnify its glory, by increasing its desolation. Still insati- able, though armed with machinery that seemed to reach the limits of destructive invention, and to yield a power of injury commensurate even with the desires of revenge, — still deeper re- searches must be made in the diabolical arcana. With furious zeal he dives into the bowels of the earth ; he toils midst poisonous minerals and deadly salts, — the sublime discovery of gun- powder blazes upon the world, — and finally the dreadful art of fighting by proclamation seems to endow the demon of war with ubiquity and omnipotence ! This, indeed, is grand ! — this, indeed, marks the powers of mind, and bespeaks that divine endowment of reason, which distinguishes us from the animals, our inferiors. The unenlight- ened brutes content themselves with the native force which Providence has assigned them. The angry bull butts with his horns, as did his pro- genitors before him ; the lion, the leopard, and the tiger seek only with their talons and their fangs to gratify their sanguinary fury ; and even the subtle serpent darts the same venom, and treaties ot ipeace 77 uses the same wiles, as did his sire before the flood. Man alone, blessed with the inventive mind, goes on from discovery to discovery,— enlarges and multiplies his powers of destruc- tion, — arrogates the tremendous w^eapons of Diety itself, and tasks creation to assist him in murdering his brother-worm ! In proportion as the art of war has increased in improvement has the art of preserving peace advanced in equal ratio ; and as we have discov- ered, in this age of wonders and inventions, that proclamation is the most formidable engine in war, so have we discovered the no less ingenious mode of maintaining peace by perpetual ne- gotiations. A treaty, or, to speak more correctly, a nego- tiation, therefore, according to the acceptation of experienced statesmen learned in these matters, is no longer an attempt to accommo- date differences, to ascertain rights, and to estab- lish an equitable exchange of kind offices, but a contest of skill between two powers, which shall overreach and take in the other. It is a cunning endeavor to obtain by peaceful ma- noeuvre, and the chicanery of cabinets, those ad- vantages which a nation would otherwise have wrested by force of arms, — in the same manner as a conscientious highwayman reforms and be- comes a quiet and praiseworthy citizen, content- 78 1bi0tors ot Uaew l^ocft ing himself with cheating his neighbor out of that property he would formerly have seized with open violence. In fact, the only time when two nations can be said to be in a state of perfect amity is, when a negotiation is open, and a treaty pending. Then, when there are no stipulations entered into, no bonds to restrain the will, ro specific limits to awaken the captious jealousy of right implanted in our nature, when each party has some advantage to hope and expect from the other, then it is that the two nations are won- derfully gracious and friendly, — their ministers professing the highest mutual regard, exchan- ging billets-doux, making fine speeches, and in- dulging in all those little diplomatic flirtations, coquetries, and fondlings, that do so marvellous- ly tickle the good-humor of the respective na- tions. Thus it may paradoxically be said, that there is never so good an understanding between two nations as when there is a little misunder- standing, — and that so long as they are on no terms at all, they are on the best terms in the world ! I do not by any means pretend to claim the merit of having made the above discovery. It has, in fact, long been secretly acted upon by certain enlightened cabinets, and is, together with divers other notable theories, privately ^be art ot ©bstructlng 79 copied out of the commonplace book of an il- lustrious gentleman, who has been member of Congress, and enjoyed the unlimited confidence of heads of departments. To this principle may be ascribed the wonderful ingenuity shown of late years in protracting and interrupting nego- tiations. Hence the cunning measiu-e of ap- pointing as ambassador some political pettifogger skilled in delays, sophisms, and misapprehen- sions, and dexterous in the art of baffling argu- ment, — or some blundering statesman, whose errors and misconstructions may be a plea for refusing to ratify his engagements. And hence, too, that most notable expedient so popular with our government, of sending out a brace of am- bassadors, — ^between whom, having each an in- dividual will to consult, character to establish, and interest to promote, you may as well look for unanimity and concord as between two lovers with one mistress, two dogs with one bone, or two naked rogues with one pair of breeches. This disagreement, therefore, is continually breeding delays and impediments, in conse- quence of which the negotiation goes on .swim- mingly — inasmuch as there is no prospect of its ever coming to a close. Nothing is lost by these delays and obstacles but time ; and in a nego- tiation, according to the theory I have exposed, all time lost is in reality so much time gained : 8o l)i6tors of "Wcw l?orft — with what delightful paradoxes does modem political economy abound ! Now all that I have here advanced is so noto- riously true, that I almost blush to take up the time of my readers with treating of matters which must many a time have stared them in the face. But the proposition to which I would most earnestly call their attention is this, that, though a negotiation be the most harmonizing of all national transactions, yet a treaty of peace is a great political evil, and one of the most fruitful sources of war. I have rarely seen an instance of any special contract between individuals that did not pro- duce jealousies, bickerings, and often down- right ruptures between them ; nor did I ever know of a treaty between two nations that did not occasion continual misunderstandings. How many worthy country neighbors have I known, who, after living in peace and good-fellowship for years, have been thrown into a state of dis- trust, cavilling, and animosity, by some ill- starred agreement about fences, runs of water, and stray cattle ! And how many well-meaning nations, who would otherwise have remained in the most amiable disposition towards each other, have been brought to swords' points about the infringement or misconstruction of some treaty, which in an evil hour they had Ifrom peace to "Mav si concluded, by way of making their amity more sure! Treaties at best are but complied with so long as interest requires their fulfilment ; conse- quently they are virtually binding on the weak- er party only, or, in plain truth, they are not binding at all. No nation will wantonly go to war with another if it has nothing to gain there- by, and therefore needs no treaty to restrain it from violence ; and if it have any thing to gain, I much question, from what I have witnessed of the righteous conduct of nations, whether any treaty could be made so strong that it could not thrust the sword through, — nay, I would hold ten to one, the treaty itself would be the very source to which resort would be had to find a pretext for hostilities. Thus, therefore, I conclude, — that, though it is the best of all policies for a nation to keep up a constant negotiation with its neighbors, yet it is the summit of folly for it ever to be beguiled into a treaty ; for then comes on non-fiiliilment and infraction, then remonstrance, then alter- cation, then retaliation, then recrimination, and finally open war. In a word, negotiation is like courtship, a time of sweet words, gallant speeches, soft looks, and endearing caresses, — but the marriage ceremony is the signal for hostilities. 82 fbietot^ of Bew ^otk If my painstaking reader be not somewliat perplexed by the ratiocination of the foregoing passage, he will perceive, at a glance, that the Great Peter, in concluding a treaty with his eastern neighbors, was guilty of lamentable error in policy. In fact, to this unlucky agree- ment may be traced a world of bickerings and heart-burnings between the parties, about fan- cied or pretended infringements of treaty stipu- lations ; in all which the Yankees were prone to indemnify themselves by a "dig into the sides ' ' of the New Netherlands. But, in sooth, these border feuds, albeit they gave great an- noyance to the good burghers of Manna-hata, were so pitiful in their nature, that a grave his- torian like myself, who grudges the time spent in any thing less than the revolutions of states and fall of empires, would deem them unworthy of being inscribed on his page. The reader is, therefore, to take it for granted, though I scorn to waste, in the detail, that time which my fur- rowed brow and trembling hand inform me is invaluable, that all the while the Great Peter was occupied in those tremendous and bloody contests which I shall shortly rehearse, there was a continued series of little, dirty, snivelling scourings, broils, and maraudings, kept up on the eastern frontiers by the moss-troopers of Connecticut. But, like that mirror of chivalry, •ffmpenOing E)i6a0ter6 83 the sage and valorous Don Quixote, I leave these petty contests for some future Sancho Panza of an historian, while I reserve my prow- ess and pen for achievements of higher dignity ; for at this moment I hear a direful and porten- tous note issuing from the bosom of the great council of the league, and resounding through- out the regions of the east, menacing the fame and fortunes of Peter Stuyvesant. I call, there- fore, upon the reader to leave behind him all the paltry brawls of the Connecticut borders, and to press forward with me to the relief of our favorite hero, who, I foresee, will be wofully beset by the implacable Yankees in the next chapter. CHAPTER V. how peter stuyvesant was grievously belied by the great council oe the league; and how he sent antony the trumpeter to take to the council a piece of his mind. THAT the reader may be aware of the peril at this moment menacing Peter Stuyvesant and his capital, I must remind him of the old charge advanced in the council of the league in the time of William the Testy, that the Neder- landers were carrying on a trade "damnable and injurious to the colonists," in furnishing the savages with "guns, powther, and shott." This, as I then suggested, was a crafty device of the Yankee confederacy to have a snug cause of war in pettOy in case any favorable opportu- nity should present of attempting the conquest of the New Nederlands — the great object of Yankee ambition. Accordingly we now find, when every other ground of complaint had apparently been re- 21 aBasc Bccusatlon 85 moved by treaty, this nefarious charge revived with tenfold virulence, and hurled like a thun- derbolt at the very head of Peter Stuyvesant ; happily his head, like that of the great bull of the Wabash, was proof against such missiles. To be explicit, we are told that in the year 165 1, the great confederacy of the east accused the immaculate Peter, the soul of honor and heart of steel, of secretly endeavoring, by gifts and promises, to instigate the Narroheganset, Mohaque, and Pequot Indians, to surprise and massacre the Yankee settlements. "For," as the grand council observed, " the Indians round about for divers hundred miles cercute seeme to have drunk deepe of an intoxicating cupp, att or from the Manhattoes against the English, whoe have sought their good, both in bodily and spirituall respects. ' ' This charge they pretended to support by the evidence of divers Indians, who were probably moved by that spirit of truth which is said to reside in the bottle, and who swore to the fact as sturdily as though they had been so many Christian troopers. Though descended from a family which suf- fered much injury from the losel Yankees of those times, my great-grandfather having had a yoke of oxen and his best pacer stolen, and having received a pair of black eyes and a 86 Distorg of mew l^orft "bloody nose in one of these border wars, and my grandfather, when a very little boy tending pigs, having been kidnapped and severely flogged by a long-sided Connecticut school- master, — yet I should have passed over all these wrongs with forgiveness and oblivion, — I could even have suffered them to have broken Evert Ducking's head ; to have kicked the doughty Jacobus Van Curlet and his ragged regiment out-of-doors ; to have carried every hog into captivity, and depopulated every hen-roost on the face of the earth with perfect impunity, — but this wanton attack upon one of the most gallant and irreproachable heroes of modem times, is too much even forme to digest, and has overset, with a single puff, the patience of the historian, and the forbearance of the Dutchman. O, reader, it was false ! I swear to thee, it was false ! — if thou hast any respect to my word, — if the undeviating character for veracity, which I have endeavored to maintain throughout this work, has its due weight upon thee, thou wilt not give thy faith to this tale of slander ; for I pledge my honor and my immortal fame to thee, that the gallant Peter Stuyvesant was not only innocent of this foul conspiracy, but would have suffered his right arm or even his wooden leg to consume with slow and everlast- ing flames, rather than attempt to destroy his % Ibcco ot Cblvalcg 87 enemies in any other way than open, generous warfare ; — beshrew those caitiff scouts, that con- spired to sully his honest name by such au imputation ! Peter Stuy vesant, though haply he may never have heard of a knight-errant, had as true a heart of chivalry as ever beat at the rovmd table of King Arthur. In the honest bosom of this heroic Dutchman dwelt the seven noble virtues of knighthood, flourishing among his hardy qualities like wild flowers among rocks. He ■was, in truth, a hero of chivalry struck off by nature at a single heat, and though httle care may have been taken to refine her workmanship, he stood forth a miracle of her skill. In all his dealings he was headstrong perhaps, but open and above-board ; if there was any thing in the whole world he most loathed and despised, it was cunning and secret wile; ** straight for- ward" was his motto; and he would at any time rather run his hard head against a stone wall than attempt to get round it. Such was Peter Stuy vesant ; and if my admira- tion of him has on this occasion transported my style beyond the sober gravity which becomes the philosophic recorder of historic events, I must plead as an apology, that, though a Uttle gray-headed Dutchman, arrived almost at the down-hill of life, I still retain a lingering spark «8 l)l6tors of "Hew l^orft of that fire which kindles in the eye of youth when contemplating the virtues of ancient worthies. Blessed, thrice and nine times blessed be the good St. Nicholas, if I have indeed escaped that apathy which chills the sympathies of age and paralyzes every glow of enthusiasm ! The first measure of Peter Stuyvesant, on hearing of this slanderous charge, would have been worthy of a man who had studied for years in the chivalrous library of Don Quixote. Drawing his sword and laying it across the table, to put him in proper tune, he took pen in hand and indited a proud and lofty letter to the council of the league, reproaching them with giving ear to the slanders of heathen savages against a Christian, a soldier, and a cavalier; declaring that whoever charged him with the plot in question lied in his throat ; to prove which he offered to meet the president of the council or any of his compeers, or their cham- pion, Captain Alicxsander Partridg, that mighty man of Rhodes, in single combat, wherein he trusted to vindicate his honor by the prowess of his arm. This missive was intrusted to his trumpeter and squire, Antony Van Corlear, that man of emergencies, with orders to travel night and day, sparing neither whip nor spur, seeing that Bntons'0 /Biesion 89 he carried the vindication of his patron's fame in his saddle-bags. The loyal Antony accomplished his mission with great speed and considerable loss of leather. He delivered his missive with becom- ing ceremony, accompanying it with a flourish of defiance on his trumpet to the whole council, ending with a significant and nasal twang full in the face of Captain Partridg, who nearly jumped out of his skin in an ecstasy of astonish- ment. The grand council was composed of men too cool and practical to be put readily in a heat, or to indulge in knight-errantry, and above all to run a tilt with such a fiery hero as Peter the Headstrong. They knew the advantage, how- ever, to have always a snug, justifiable cause of war in reserve with a neighbor who had territories worth invading ; so they devised a reply to Peter Stuyvesant, calculated to keep up the "raw" which they had established. On receiving this answer, Antony Van Corlear remounted the Flanders mare which he always rode, and trotted merrily back to the Manhat- toes, solacing himself by the way according to his wont; twanging his trimipet like a very devil, so that the sweet valleys and banks of the Connecticut resoimded with the warlike melody ; bringing all the folks to the windows as he passed through Hartford and Pyquag, and Middletown, and all the other border towns ; ogling and winking at the women, and making aerial windmills from the ends of his nose at their husbands ; and stopping occasionally in the villages to eat pumpkin-pies, dance at country frolics, and bundle with the Yankee lasses — whom he rejoiced exceedingly with his soul-stirring instrument CHAPTER VI. HOW PETER STUYVESANT DEMANDED A COURT OF HONOR— AND WHAT THE COURT OF HONOR AWARDED TO HIM. THE reply of the grand council to Peter Stuyvesant was couched in the coolest and most diplomatic language. They assured him that " his confident denials of the barbarous plot alleged against him would weigh little against the testimony of divers sober and respectable Indians" ; that "his guilt was proved to their perfect satisfaction," so that they must still re- quire and seek due satisfaction and security; ending with — "so we rest, sir — Yours in ways of righteousness." I forbear to say how the lion-hearted Peter roared and ramped at finding himself more and more entangled in the meshes thus artfully drawn round him by the knowing Yankees. Impatient, however, of suffering so gross an 92 1bi0tori2 of IHew ll)orft aspersion to rest upon his honest name, he sent a second messenger to the council, reiterating his denial of the treachery imputed to him, and offering to submit his conduct to the scrutiny of a court of honor. His offer was readily ac- cepted ; and now he looked forward with confi- dence to an august tribunal to be assembled at the Manhattoes, formed of high-minded cava- liers, peradventure governors and commanders of the confederate plantations, when the mat- ter might be investigated by his peers, in a man- ner befitting his rank and dignity. While he was awaiting the arrival of such high functionaries, behold, one sunshiny after- noon there rode into the great gate of the Man- hattoes two lean, hungry-looking Yankees, mounted on Narraganset pacers, with saddle- bags under their bottoms, and green satchels under their arms, who looked marvellously like two pettifogging attorneys beating the hoof from one county court to another in quest of lawsuits ; and, in sooth, though they may have passed under different names at the time, I have reason to suspect they were the identical varlets who had negotiatedthe worthy Dutch commissioners out of the Connecticut River. It was a rule with these indefatigable mission- aries never to let the grass grow under their feet. Scarce had they, therefore, alighted at Xlbc Court of Ibonor 93 the inn and deposited their saddle-bags, than they made their way to the residence of the governor. They found him, according to custom, smoking his afternoon pipe on the "stoop," or bench at the porch of his house, and announced themselves, at once, as commissioners sent by the grand council of the east to investigate the tinith of certain charges advanced against him. The good Peter took his pipe from his mouth, and gazed at them for a moment in mute aston- ishment. By way of expediting business, they were proceeding on the spot to put some pre- liminary' questions, — asking him, peradventure, whether he pleaded guilty or not guilty, con- sidering him something in the light of a culprit at the bar, — when they were brought to a pause by seeing him lay down his pipe and begin to fumble with his walking-staff. For a moment those present would not have given half a crown for both the crowns of the commissioners ; but Peter Stuyvesant repressed his mighty wrath and stayed his hand ; he scanned the varlets from head to foot, satchels and all, with a look of ineffable scorn ; then strode into the house, slammed the door after him, and commanded that they should never again be admitted to his presence. The knowing commissioners winked to each 94 *ft)istor^ of IRew 15ork other, and made a certificate on the spot that the governor had refused to answer their inter- rogatories or to submit to their examination. They then proceeded to rummage about the city for two or three days, in quest of what they called evidence, perplexing Indians and old women with their cross-questioning, until they had stufifed their satchels and saddle-bags with all kinds of apocryphal tales, rumors, and cal- iminies ; with these they mounted their Narra- ganset pacers and travelled back to the grand council ; neither did the proud-hearted Peter trouble himself to hinder their researches nor impede their departure ; he was too mindful of their sacred character as envoys ; but I warrant me, had they played the same tricks with Wil- liam the Testy, he would have had them tucked up by the waistband and treated to an aerial gambol on his patent gallows. CHAPTER VII. HOW "drum ECClvESIASTiC " WAS BEATEN THROUGHOUT CONNECTICUT FOR A CRUSADE AGAINST THE NEW NETHERIvANDS, AND HOW PETER STUYVESANT TOOK MEASURES TO FORTIFY HIS CAPITAI,. THE grand council of the east held a solemn meeting on the return of their envoys. As no advocate appeared in behalf of Peter Stuyvesant, every thing went against him. His haughty refusal to submit to the questioning of the commissioners was construed into a con- sciousness of guilt. The contents of the satch- els and saddle-bags were poured forth before the council and appeared a mountain of evi- dence. A pale, bilious orator took the floor, and declaimed for hours and in belligerent terms. He was one of those furious zealots who blows the bellows of faction until the whole furnace of politics is red-hot with sparks and cinders. \'. hat was it to him if he should 96 1bl0ton? ot flew l^orFi set the house on fire, so that he might boil his pot by the blaze. He was from the borders of Connecticut ; his constituents lived by maraud- ing their Dutch neighbors, and were the great- est poachers in Christendom, excepting the Scotch border nobles. His eloquence had its effect, and it -was determined to set on foot an expedition against the Nieuw Nederlandts. It was necessary, however, to prepare the public mind for this measure. Accordingly the arguments of the orator were echoed from the pulpit for several succeeding Sundays, and a crusade was preached up against Peter Stuy- vesant and his devoted city. This is the first we hear of the " drum eccle- siastic" beating up for recruits in worldly war- fare in our country. It has since been called into frequent use. A cunning politician often lurks under the clerical robe ; things spiritual and things temporal are strangely jumbled to- gether, like drugs on an apothecary's shelf; and instead of a peaceful sermon, the simple seeker after righteousness has often a political pamphlet thrust down his throat, labelled with a pious text from Scripture. And now nothing was talked of but an expe- dition against the Mauhattoes. It pleased the populace, who had a vehement prejudice against the Dutch, considering them a vastly inferior Ebe JBicvcntb CommanC)ment 97 race, who had sought the new world for the lucre of gain, not the liberty of conscience ; who were heretics and infidels, inasmuch as they refused to believe in witches and sea- serpents, and had faith in the virtues of horse- shoes nailed to the door ; ate pork without molasses ; held pumpkins in contempt ; and were in perpetual breach of the eleventh com- mandment of all true Yankees, "Thou shalt have codfish dinners on Saturdays." No sooner did Peter Stuyvesant get wind of the storm that was brewing in the east than he set to work to prepare for it. He was not one of those economical rulers, who postpone the expense of fortifying until the enemy is at the door. There is nothing, he would say, that keeps off enemies and crows more than the smell of gunpowder. He proceeded, therefore, with all diligence, to put the province and its metropolis in a posture of defence. Among the remnants which remained from the days of William the Testy were the militia laws, — by which the inhabitants were obliged to turn out twice a year, with such military equipments as it pleased God, and were put under the command of tailors and man-milli- ners, who, though on ordinary occasions they might have been the meekest, most pippin- hearted little men in the world, were very 98 Distort of Uaew l^orft devils at parade, when they had cocked hats on their heads and swords by their sides. Un- der the instructions of these periodical warriors, the peaceful burghers of the Manhattoes were schooled in iron war, and became so hardy in the process of time, that they could march through sun and rain, from one end of the town to the other, without flinching ; and so intrepid and adroit, that they could face to the right, wheel to the left, and fire without winking or blinking. Peter Stujrvesant, like all old soldiers who have seen service and smelt gunpowder, had no great respect for militia troops ; however, he determined to give them a trial, and accord- ingly called for a general muster, inspection, and review. But, O Mars and Bellona ! what a turning-out was here ! Here came old Roelant Cuckaburt, with a short blunderbuss on his shoulder and a long horseman's sword trailing by his side ; and Barent Dirkson, with some- thing that looked like a copper kettle turned upside down on his head, and a couple of old horse-pistols in his belt ; and Dirk Volkertson, with a long duck fowling-piece without any ramrod; and a host more, armed higgledy- piggledy, — with swords, hatchets, snickersnees, crowbars, broomsticks, and what not ; the o£B- cers distinguished from the rest by having their /Rilitia :ejerci0e 99 slouched hats cocked up with pins, and sur- mounted with cocktail feathers. The sturdy Peter eyed this nondescript host with some such rueful aspect as a man would eye the Devil, and determined to give his feather-bed soldiers a seasoning. He accord- ingly put them through their manual exercise over and over again ; trudged them backwards and forwards about the streets of New Amster- dam imtil their short legs ached and their fat sides sweated again ; and finally encamped them in the evening on the summit of a hill without the city, to give them a taste of camp life, intending the next day to renew the toils and perils of the field. But so it came to pass that in the night there fell a great and heavy rain, and melted away the army, so that in the morning, when Gaffer Phoebus shed his first beams upon the camp, scarce a warrior re- mained except Peter Stuyvesant and his trump- eter Van Corlear. This awful desolation of a whole army would have appalled a commander of less nerve, but it served to confirm Peter's want of confidence in the militia system, which he thenceforward used to call, in joke — for he sometimes in- dulged in a joke, — William the Testy's broken reed. He now took into his service a goodly number of burly, broad-shouldered, broad-bot- loo Di6tori3 ot mew l!)orft tomed Dutchmen, whom he paid in good silver and gold, and of whom he boasted, that, whether they could stand fire or not, they were at least waterproof. He fortified the city, too, with pickets and palisadoes, extending across the island from river to river, and, above all, cast up mud bat- teries, or redoubts, on the point of the island where it divided the beautiful bosom of the bay. These latter redoubts, in process of time, came to be pleasantly overrun by a carpet of grass and clover, and overshadowed by wide- spreading elms and sycamores, among the branches of which the birds would build their nests and rejoice the ear with their melodious notes. Under these trees, too, the old burghers would smoke their afternoon pipe, contemplat- ing the golden sun as he sank in the west, an emblem of the tranquil end toward which they were declining. Here, too, would the young men and maidens of the town take their even- ing stroll, watching the silver moonbeams as they trembled along the calm bosom of the bay, or lit up the sail of some gliding bark, and per- adventure interchanging the soft vows of hon- est affection, — for to evening strolls in this favored spot were traced most of the marriages in New Amsterdam. Zbc ^Batters loi Such was the origin of that renowned prome- nade, The Battery, which, though ostensibly- devoted to the stem purposes of war, has ever been consecrated to the sweet delights of peace. The scene of many a gambol in happy child- hood, — of many a tender assignation in riper years, — of many a soothing walk in declining age, — the healthful resort of the feeble invalid, — the Sunday refreshment of the dusty trades- man, — in fine, the ornament and delight of New York, and the pride of the lovely island of Manna-hata. CHAPTER Vin. HOW THE YANKEE CRUSADE AGAINST THE NEW NETHERI^ANDS WAS BAFFI^ED BY THE SUDDEN OUTBREAK OE WITCHCRAFT AMONG THE PEOPLE OF THE EAST. HAVING thus provided for the temporary security of New Amsterdam, and guarded it against any sudden surprise, the gallant Peter took a hearty pinch of snufF, and snapping his fingers, set the great council of Amphictyons and their champion, the redoubtable Alicxsan- der Partridg, at defiance. In the meantime the moss-troopers of Connecticut, the warriors of New Haven and Hartford, and Pyquag, other- wise called Weathersfield, famous for its onions and its witches, and of all the other border- towns, were in a prodigious turmoil, furbishing up their rusty weapons, shouting aloud for war, and anticipating easy conquests, and glorious rummaging of the fat little Dutch villages. Detection ot /Bbaseacbusetts 103 In the midst of these warlike preparations, however, they received the chilling news that the colony of Massachusetts refused to back them in this righteous war. It seems that the gallant conduct of Peter Stuyvesant, the gener- ous warmth of his \nndication, and the chival- rous spirit of his defiance, though lost upon the grand council of the league, had carried convic- tion to the general court of Massachusetts, which nobly refused to believe him guilty of the vil- lainous plot laid at his door.* The defection of so important a colony para- lyzed the councils of the league ; some such dis- sension rose among its members as prevailed of yore in the camp of the brawling warriors of Greece, and in the end the crusade against the Manhattoes was abandoned. It is said that the moss-troopers of Connecti- cut were sorely disappointed ; but well for them that their belligerent cravings were not gratified ; for by my faith, whatever might have been the ultimate result of a conflict with all the powers of the east, in the interim the stomachful he- roes of Pyquag would have been choked with their own onions, and all the border towns of Connecticut would have had such a scouring from the lion-hearted Peter and his robustious myrmidons, that I warrant me they would not * Hazard's Satate Papers. io6 Ibistor^ of IRew l^ork apparitions, if you will believe report, of a shal- lop at sea manned with women, — and of a ship and great red horse standing by the main-mast ; the ship being in a small cove to the eastward, vanished of a sudden," etc. The number of delinquents, however, and their magical devices, were not more remark- able than their diabolical obstinacy. Though exhorted in the most solemn, persuasive, and affectionate manner to confess themselves guilty, and be burnt for the good of religion and the entertainment of the public, yet did they most pertinaciously persist in asserting their inno- cence. Such incredible obstinacy was in itself deserving of immediate punishment, and was sufficient proof, if proof were necessary, that they were in league with the Devil, who is per- verseness itself. But their judges were just and merciful, and were determined to punish none that were not convicted on the best of testimony ; not that they needed any evidence to satisfy their own minds, for, like true and experienced judges, their minds were perfectly made up, and they were thoroughly satisfied of the guilt of the prisoners before they proceeded to try them ; but still something was necessary to convince the community at large, — to quiet those prying quidnuncs who should come after them, — in short, the world must be satisfied. Oh, the Ux^ing tbe "QClitcbcs 107 world — the world ! — all the world knows the world of trouble the world is eternally occasion- ing ! The worthy judges, therefore, were driven to the necessity of sifting, detecting, and mak- ing evident as noonday, matters which were at the commencement all clearly understood and firmly decided upon in their own pericraniums, — so that it may truly be said that the witches were burnt to gratify the populace of the day, but were tried for the satisfaction of the whole world that should come after them ! Finding, therefore, that neither exhortation, sound reason, nor friendly entreaty had any avail on these hardened offenders, they resorted to the more urgent arguments of torture ; and having thus absolutely wrung the truth from their stubborn lips, they condemned them to undergo the roasting due unto the heinous crimes they had confessed. Some even carried their perverseness so far as to expire under the torture, protesting their innocence to the last ; but these were looked upon as thorougly and absolutely possessed by the Devil ; and the pious by-standers only lamented that they had not lived a little longer, to have perished in the flames. In the city of Ephesus, we are told that the plague was expelled by stoning a ragged old beggar to death, whom Apollonius pointed out io8 Ibistorg of "flew ^ovk as being the evil spirit that caused it, and who actually showed himself to be a demon, by chan- ging into a shagged dog. In like manner and by measures equally sagacious, a salutary check was given to this growing e^dl. The witches were all burnt, banished, or panic-struck, and in a little while there was not an ugly old wo- man to be found throughout New England, — which is doubtless one reason why all the young women there are so handsome. Those honest folk who had suffered from their incantations gradually recovered, excepting such as had been afflicted with twitches and aches, which, how- ever, assumed the less alarming aspects of rheu- matisms, sciatics, and lumbagos ; and the good people of New England, abandoning the study of the occult sciences, turned their attention to the more profitable hocus-pocus of trade, and soon became expert in the legerdemain art of turning a penny. Still, however, a tinge of the old leaven is discernible, even unto this day, in their characters : witches occasionally start up among them in different disguises, as physicians, civiUans, and divines. The people at large show a keenness, a cleverness, and a profundity of wisdom, that savors strongly of witchcraft ; and it has been remarked that, whenever any stones fall from the moon, the greater part of them is sure to tumble into New England ! CHAPTER IX. WHICH RECORDS THE RISE AND RENOWN OF A MII^ITARY COMMANDER, SHOWING THAT A MAN, I.IKE A BLADDER, MAY BE PUFFED UP TO GREATNESS BY MERE WIND ; TOGETHER WITH THE CATASTROPHE OF A VETERAN AND HIS QUEUE. WHEN treating of these tempestuous times, the unknown writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript breaks out into an apostrophe in praise of the good St. Nicholas, to whose pro- tecting care he ascribes the dissensions which broke out in the council of the league, and the direful witchcraft which filled all Yankee land as with Egyptian darkness. A portentous gloom, says he, hung lowering upon the fair valleys of the East : the pleasant banks of the Connecticut no longer echoed to the sound of rustic gayety ; grisly phantoms glided about each wild brook and silent glen ; fearful apparitions were seen in the air ; strange voices were heard in solitary places ; and the no Ibietot^ of "flew l^orh border towns were so occupied in detecting and punishing losel witches, that, for a time, all thought of war was suspended, and New Am- sterdam and its inhabitants seemed to be totally forgotten. I must not conceal the fact that at one time there was some danger of this plague of witch- craft extending into the New Netherlands ; and certain witches, mounted on broomsticks, are said to have been seen whisking in the air over some of the Dutch villages near the borders ; but the worthy Nederlanders took the precau- tion to nail horseshoes to their doors, which, it is well known, are efifectual barriers against all diabolical vermin of the kind. Many of those horseshoes may be seen at this very day on ancient mansions and barns remaining from the days of the patriarchs ; nay, the custom is still kept up among some of our legitimate Dutch yeomanry, who inherit from their forefathers a desire to keep witches and Yankees out of the country. And now the great Peter, having no imme- diate hostility to apprehend from the east, turned his face, with characteristic vigilance, to his southern frontiers. The attentive reader will recollect that certain freebooting Swedes had become very troublesome in this quarter in the latter part of the reign of William the Testy, General Dan poftcnburgb m setting at naught the proclamations of that veri- table potentate, and putting his admiral, the intrepid Jan Jansen Alpendam, to a perfect nonplus. To check the incursions of these Swedes, Peter Stuyvesant now ordered a force to that frontier, giving the command of it to General Jacobus Van Poffenburgh, an officer who had risen to great importance during the reign of Wilhelmus Kieft. He had, if histories speak true, been second in command to the doughty Van Curlet, when he and his warriors were inhumanly kicked out of Fort Goed Hoop by the Yankees. In that memorable affair Van Poffenburgh is said to have received more kicks in a certain honorable part than any of his com- rades, in consequence of which, on the resigna- tion of Van Curlet, he had been promoted to his place, being considered a hero who had seen service, and suffered in his country's cause. It is pointedly observed by honest old Soc- rates, that heaven infuses into some men at their birth a portion of intellectual gold, into others of intellectual silver, while others are intellect- ually furnished with iron and brass. Of the last class was General Van Poffenburgh ; and it would seem as if Dame Nature, who will some- times be partial, had given him brass enough for a dozen ordinary braziers. All this he had con- trived to pass off upon William the Testy for 112 fjistorg ot Bcw 15ork genuine gold ; and the little governor would sit for hours and listen to his gunpowder stories of exploits, which left those of Tirante the White, Don Belianis of Greece, or St. George and the Dragon quite in the background. Having been promoted by William Kieft to the command of his whole disposable forces, he gave importance to his station by the grandiloquence of his bul- letins, always styling himself as Commander-in- Chief of the Armies of the New Nederlands, though in sober truth these armies were nothing more than a handful of hen-stealing, bottle- bruising ragamuffins. In person, he was not very tall, but exceed- ingly round ; neither did his bulk proceed from his being fat, but windy, being blown up by a prodigious conviction of his own importance, until he resembled one of those bags of wind given by jS^oIus, in an incredible fit of gener- osity, to that vagabond warrior, Ulysses. His windy endowments had long excited the ad- miration of Antony Van Corlear, who is said to have hinted more than once to William the Testy, that in making Van Poffenburgh a general he had spoiled an admirable trumpeter. As it is the practice in ancient story to give the reader a description of the arms and equip- ments of every noted warrior, I will bestow a word upon the dress of this redoubtable com- Wxcee and ^equipments 113 mander. It comported with his character, being so crossed and slashed, and embroidered with lace and tinsel, that he seemed to have as much brass without as nature had stored away within. He was swaddled, too, in a crimson sash, of the size and texture of a fishing-net, — doubtless to keep his swelling heart from bursting through his ribs. His face glowed with furnace heat from between a huge pair of well-powdered whiskers, and his valorous soul seemed ready to bounce out of a pair of large, glassy, blinking eyes, projecting like those of a lobster. I swear to thee, worthy reader, if history and tradition belie not this warrior, I would give all the money in my pocket to have seen him accoutred cap-a-pie^ — booted to the middle, sashed to the chin, collared to the ears, whiskered to the teeth, crowned with an overshadowing cocked hat, and girded with a leathern belt ten inches broad, from which trailed a falchion, of a length that I dare not mention. Thus equipped, he strutted about, as bitter-looking a man of war as the far-famed More, of More-hall, when he sallied forth to slay the dragon of Wantley. For what says the ballad ? " Had you but seen him in this dress, How fierce he looked and how big, You would have thought him for to be Some Egyptian porcupig. 112 l)i6torB ot 1ftcw l^orfi genuine gold ; and the little governor would sit for hours and listen to his gunpowder stories of exploits, which left those of Tirante the White, Don Belianis of Greece, or St. George and the Dragon quite in the background. Having been promoted by William Kieft to the command of his whole disposable forces, he gave importance to his station by the grandiloquence of his bul- letins, always styling himself as Commander-in- Chief of the Armies of the New Nederlands, though in sober truth these armies were nothing more than a handful of hen-stealing, bottle- bruising ragamuffins. In person, he was not very tall, but exceed- ingly round ; neither did his bulk proceed from his being fat, but windy, being blown up by a prodigious conviction of his own importance, until he resembled one of those bags of wind given by ^olus, in an incredible fit of gener- osity, to that vagabond warrior, Ulysses. His windy endowments had long excited the ad- miration of Antony Van Corlear, who is said to have hinted more than once to William the Testy, that in making Van Poffenburgh a general he had spoiled an admirable trumpeter. As it is the practice in ancient story to give the reader a description of the arms and equip- ments of every noted warrior, I will bestow a word upon the dress of this redoubtable com- Drc60 ant) JEquipmcnts us mander. It comported with his character, being so crossed and slashed, and embroidered with lace and tinsel, that he seemed to have as much brass without as nature had stored away within. He was swaddled, too, in a crimson sash, of the size and texture of a fishing-net, — doubtless to keep his swelling heart from bursting through his ribs. His face glowed with furnace heat from between a huge pair of well-powdered whiskers, and his valorous soul seemed ready to bounce out of a pair of large, glassj', blinking eyes, projecting like those of a lobster. I swear to thee, worthy reader, if history and tradition belie not this warrior, I would give all the money in my pocket to have seen him accoutred cap-a-pie^ — booted to the middle, sashed to the chin, collared to the ears, whiskered to the teeth, crowned with an overshadowing cocked hat, and girded with a leathern belt ten inches broad, from which trailed a falchion, of a length that I dare not mention. Thus equipped, he strutted about, as bitter-looking a man of war as the far-famed More, of More-hall, when he sallied forth to slay the dragon of Wantley. For what says the ballad ? " Had you but seen him in this dress, How fierce he looked and how big, You would have thought him for to be Some Egjrptian porcupig. 114 fbietov^ of IRew l^ork He frightened all— cats, dogs, and all, Each cow, each horse, and each hog ; For fear they did flee, for they took him to be Some strange outlandish hedgehog." * I must confess this general, with all his out- ward valor and ventosity, was not exactly an ofl&cer to Peter Stuyvesant's taste ; but he stood foremost in the army list of William the Testy, and it is probable the good Peter, who was con- scientious in his dealings with all men, and had his military notions of precedence, thought it but fair to give him a chance of proving his right to his dignities. To this copper captain, therefore, was con- fided the command of the troops destined to protect the southern frontier, and scarce had he departed for his station than bulletins began to arrive from him, describing his undaunted march through savage deserts, over insurmount- able mountains, across impassable rivers, and through impenetrable forests, conquering vast tracts of uninhabited country, and encounter- ing more perils than did Xenophon in his far- famed retreat with his ten thousand Grecians. Peter Stuy vesant read all these grandiloquent despatches with a dubious screwing of the mouth and shaking of the head ; but Antony Van Corlear repeated these contents in the * Ballad of " Dragon of Wantley." IPort Caslmir 115 streets and market-places with an appropriate flourish upon his trumpet, and the windy vic- tories of the general resounded through the streets of New Amsterdam. On arri^^ng at the southern frontier Van Pof- fenburgh proceeded to erect a fortress, or stronghold, on the South or Delaware River. At first he bethought him to call it Fort Stuy- vesant, in honor of the governor, — a lowly kind of homage prevalent in our country among speculators, military commanders, and office- seekers of all kinds, by which our maps come to be studded with the names of political pa- trons and temporary great men ; in the present instance, Van Poffenburgh carried his homage to the most lowly degree, giving his fortress the name of Fort Casimir, in honor, it is said, of a favorite pair of brimstone trunk-breeches of his Excellency. As this fort will be found to give rise to im- portant events, it may be worth while to notice that it was afterwards called Nieuw Amstel, and was the germ of the present flourishing town of New Castle, or, more properly speaking, No Castle, there being nothing of the kind on the premises. His fortress being finished, it would have done any man's heart good to behold the swelling dignity with which the general would stride in ii6 ibistors ot IRew ^oxn and out a dozen times a day, surveying it in front and in rear, on this side and on that ; how he would strut backwards and forwards in full regimentals on the top of the ramparts, — ^like a vainglorious cock-pigeon, swelling and vaporing on the top of a dove-cot. There is a kind of valorous spleen which, like ■wind, is apt to grow unruly in the stomachs of newly made soldiers, compelling them to box- lobby brawls and broken-headed quarrels, unless there can be found some more harmless wa)'- to give it vent. It is recorded in the delectable romance of Pierce Forest that a young knight, being dubbed by King Alexander, did inconti- nently gallop into an adjacent forest and belabor the trees with such might and main that he not merely eased off the sudden effervescence of his valor, but convinced the whole court that he was the most potent and courageous cavalier on the face of the earth. In like manner the commander of Fort Casimir, when he found his martial spirit waxing too hot within him, would sally forth into the fields, and lay about him most lustily with his sabre, — decapitating cab- bages by platoons, hewing down lofty sun- flowers, which he termed gigantic Swedes, and if, perchance, he espied a colony of big-bellied pumpkins quietly basking in the sun, — "Ah! caitiff Yankees!" would he roar, "have I •Rel^crmcester's (Slueuc 117 caught ye at last? " So saying, with one sweep of his sword he would cleave the unhappy vege- tables from their chins to their waistbands ; by which warlike havoc his choler being in some sort allayed, he would return into the fortress with the full conviction that he was a very mir- acle of military prowess. He was a disciplinarian, too, of the first order. Woe to any unlucky soldier who did not hold up his head and turn out his toes when on parade, or who did not salute the general in proper style as he passed. Having one day, in his Bible researches, encountered the history of Absalom and his melancholy end, the general bethought him that, in a country abounding with forests, his soldiers were in constant risk of a like catastrophe ; he therefore, in an evil hour, issued orders for cropping the hair of both officers and men throughout the garrison. Now it so happened that among his officers was a sturdy veteran named Keldermeester, who had cherished through a long life a mop of hair not a little resembling the shag of a Newfound- land dog, terminating in a queue like the han- dle of a frying-pan, and queued so tightly to his head that his eyes and mouth generally stood ajar, and his eyebrows were drawn up to the top of his forehead. It may naturally be sup- posed that the possessor of so goodly an ap- ii8 1bi6tors of Iftew l^orft pendage would resist with abhorrence an order condemning it to the shears. On hearing the general orders, he discharged a tempest of vet- eran, soldier-like oaths, and dunder and blixums, — swore he would break any man's head who attempted to meddle with his tail, — queued it stijQfer than ever, and whisked it about the garrison as fiercely as the tale of a crocodile. The eel -skin queue of old Keldermeester became instantly an affair of the utmost im- portance. The commander-in-chief was too en- lightened an officer not to perceive that the dis- cipline of the garrison, the subordination and good order of the armies of the Nieuw Neder- landts, the consequent safety of the whole prov- ince, and ultimately the dignity and prosperity of their High Mightinesses the Lords States- General, imperiously demanded the docking of that stubborn queue. He decreed, therefore, that old Keldermeester should be publicly shorn of his glories in presence of the v.'hole garrison ; the old man as resolutely stood on the defensive ; whereupon he was arrested and tried by a court-martial for mutiny, desertion, and all the other list of offences noticed in the articles of war, ending with a "videlicet, in wearing an eel-skin queue, three feet long, contrary to orders." Then came on arraignments, and trials, and pleadings, and the whole garrison B (Bbostls l)l0itor 119 was in a ferment about this unfortunate queue. As it is well known that the commander of a frontier post has the power of acting pretty much after his own will, there is little doubt but that the veteran would have been hanged, or shot at least, had he not luckily fallen ill of a fever through mere chagrin and mortification, and deserted from all earthly command, with his beloved locks un\dolated. His obstinacy remained unshaken to the very last moment, when he directed that he should be carried to his grave with his eel-skin sticking out of a hole in his coffin. This magnanimous aflfair obtained the general great credit as a disciplinarian ; but it is hinted that he was ever afterwards subject to bad dreams and fearful visitations in the night, when the grisly spectre of old Keldermeester would stand sentinel by his bedside, erect as a pump, his enormous queue strutting out like the handle. BOOK VI. CONTAINING THE SECOND PART OE THE REIGN OP PETER THE HEADSTRONG, AND HIS GAI^ I^ANT ACHIEVEMENTS ON THE DEI<AWARE. CHAPTER I. IN WHICH IS EXHIBITED A WARLIKE PORTRAIT OP THE GREAT PETER, OF THE WINDY CON- TEST OF GENERAI, VAN POFFENBURGH AND GENERAI. PRINTZ, AND OP THE MOSQUITO WAR ON THE DEI.AWARE. HITHERTO, most venerable and courteous reader, have I shown thee the adminis- tration of the valorous Stuyvesant, under the mild moonshine of peace, or rather the grim tranquillity of awful expectation ; but now the ■war-dnmi rumbles from afar, the brazen trumpet brays its thrilling note, and the rude crash of hostile arms speaks fearful prophecies of coming ^be (3allant llClarrlor 121 troubles. The gallant "warrior starts from soft repose, from golden visions and voluptuous ease, where in the dulcet, "piping time of peace " he sought sweet solace after all his toils. No more in beauty's siren lap reclined, he weaves fair garlands for his lady's brows ; no more entwines with flowers his shining sword, nor through the livelong lazy summer's day chants forth his love-sick soul in madrigals. To manhood roused, he spurns the amorous flute ; doffs from his brawny back the robe of peace, and clothes his pampered limbs in panoply of steel. O'er his dark brow, where late the mjrrtle waved, where wanton roses breathed enervate love, he rears the beaming casque and nodding plume ; grasps the bright shield, and shakes the ponderous lance ; or mounts with eager pride his fiery steed, and bums for deeds of glorious chivalry ! But soft, worthy reader ! I would not have you imagine that any preux chevalier^ thus hideously begirt with iron, existed in the city of New Amsterdam. This is but a lofty and gigantic mode, in which we heroic writers always talk of war, thereby to give it a noble and imposing aspect ; equipping our warriors with bucklers, helms, and lances, and such like outlandish and obsolete weapons, the like of which perchance they had never seen or heard of, — in the same 122 Ibistors ot IRew l^oih manner that a cunning statuary arrays a modem general or an admiral in the accoutrements of a Caesar or an Alexander. The simple truth, then, of all this oratorical flourish is this, that the valiant Peter Stuyvesant all of a sudden found it necessary to scour his rusty blade, which too long had rusted in its scabbard, and prepare himself to undergo those hardy toils of war in which his mighty soul so much delighted. Methinks I at this moment behold him in my imagination, or rather, I behold his goodly portrait, which still hangs up in the family mansion of the Stuyvesants, arrayed in all the terrors of a true Dutch General : his regimental coat of German blue, gorgeously decorated with a goodly show of large brass buttons, reaching from his waistband to his chin ; the voluminous skirts turned up at the comers and separating gallantly behind, so as to display the seat of a sumptuous pair of brimstone-colored trunk- breeches, — a graceful style still prevalent among the warriors of our day, and which is in con- formity to the custom of ancient heroes, who scorned to defend themselves in rear ; his face rendered exceeding terrible and warlike by a pair of black mustachios ; his hair strutting out on each side in stiffly pomatumed ear-locks, and descending in a rat-tail queue below his waist ; a shining stock of black leather supporting his (Bovcrnor 5an iprint3 123 chin ; and a little but fierce cocked hat, stuck with a gallant and fiery air over his left eye. Such was the chivalric port of Peter the Head- strong ; and when he made a sudden halt, planted himself firmly on his solid supporter, with his wooden leg, inlaid with silver, a little in advance, in order to strengthen his position, his right hand grasping a gold-headed cane, his left rest- ing upon the pummel of his sword, his head dressing spiritedly to the right, with a most appalling and hard-favored frown upon his brow, — he presented altogether one of the most commanding, bitter-looking, and soldier-like figures that ever strutted upon canvas. — Proceed we now to inquire the cause of this warlike preparation. In the preceding chapter we have spoken of the founding of Fort Casimir, and of the merci- less warfare waged by its commander upon cabbages, sunflowers, and pumpkins, for want of better occasion to flesh his sword. Now it came to pass that, higher up the Delaware, at his stronghold of Tinnekonk, resided one Jan Printz, who styled himself Governor of New Sweden. If history belie not this redoubtable Swede, he was a rival worthy of the windy and inflated commander of Fort Casimir, for master Dax-id Pieterzen de Vrie, in his excellent book of voyages, describes him as ' ' weighing up- 124 1b(6tori5 ot Bew l^orft wards of four hundred pounds," a huge feeder and bowser in proportion, taking three pota- tions pottle-deep at every meal. He had a garrison after his own heart at Tinnekonk, — guzzling, deep-drinking swash-bucklers, who made the wild woods ring with their carousals. No sooner did this robustious commander hear of the erection of Fort Casimir, than he sent a message to Van Poffenburgh, warning him off the land, as being within the bounds of his jurisdiction. To this General Van Poflfenburgh replied that the land belonged to their High Mighti- nesses, having been regularly purchased of the natives, as discoverers from the Manhattoes, as witness the breeches of their land measurer Ten Broeck. To this the governor rejoined that the land had previously been sold by the Indians to the Swedes, and consequently was under the petti- coat government of her Swedish majesty, Christina ; and woe be to any mortal that wore breeches who should dare to meddle even with the hem of her sacred garment. I forbear to dilate upon the war of words which was kept up for some time by these windy commanders. Van Poffenburgh, how- ever, had served under William the Testy, and was a veteran in this kind of warfare. Governor a minOg Martarc 125 Printz, finding he was not to be dislodged by these long shots, now determined upon coming to closer quarters. Accordingly, he descended the river in great force and fume, and erected a rival fortress, just one Swedish mile below Fort Casimir, to which he gave the nam<^ of Helsenburg. And now commenced a tremendous rivalry between these two doughty commanders, striv ing to out-strut and out-swell each other like a couple of belligerent turkey-cocks. There was a contest who should run up the tallest flag- staflf and display the broadest flag ; all day long there was a furious rolling of drums and twang- ing of trumpets in either fortress, and which- ever had the wind in its favor would keep up a continual firing of cannon, to taunt its antago- nist with the smell of gunpowder. On all these points of windy warfare the antagonists were well matched ; but so it hap- pened that, the Swedish fortress being lower down the river, all the Dutch vessels bound to Fort Casimir with supplies had to pass it. Gov- ernor Printz at once took advantage of this circumstance, and compelled them to lower their flags as they passed under the guns of his battery. This was a deadly wound to the Dutch pride of General Van Poffenburgh, and sorely would 126 1b(6torg ot IFlcw lorft he swell when from the ramparts of Fort Casi- mir he beheld the flag of their High Mighti- nesses struck to the rival fortress. To heighten his vexation, Governor Printz, who, as has been shown, was a huge trencherman, took the lib- erty of having the first rummage of every Dutch merchant-ship, and securing to himself and his guzzling garrison all the little round Dutch cheeses, all the Dutch herrings, the ginger- bread, the sweetmeats, the curious stone jugs of gin, and all the other Dutch luxuries, on their way for the solace of Fort Casimir. It is possible he may have paid to the Dutch skip- pers the full value of their commodities ; but what consolation was this to Jacobus Van Pof- fenburgh and his garrison, who thus found their favorite supplies cut off and diverted into the larders of the hostile camp ? For some time this war of the cupboard was carried on to the great festivity and jollification of the Swedes, while the warriors of Fort Casimir found their hearts, or rather their stomachs, daily failing them. At length the summer heats and summer showers set in, and now, lo and behold, a great miracle was wrought for the relief of the Nederlands, not a little resem- bling one of the plagues of Egj'pt ; for it came to pass that a great cloud of mosquitoes arose out of the marshy borders of the river and set- Hbc /fcosquito Mar 127 tied upon the fortress of Halsenburg, being, doubtless, attracted by the scent of the fresh blood of these Swedish gormandizers. Nay, it is said that the body of Jan Printz alone, which was as big and as full of blood as that of a prize ox, was sufiBcient to attract the mosquitoes from every part of the country. For some time the garrison endeavored to hold out, but it was all in vain ; the mosquitoes penetrated into every chink and crevice, and gave them no rest day nor night ; and as to Governor Jan Printz, he moved about as in a cloud, with mos- quito music in his ears, and mosquito stings to the very end of his nose. Finally the garri- son was fairly driven out of the fortress, and obliged to retreat to Tinnekonk ; nay, it is said that the mosquitoes followed Jan Printz even thither, and absolutely drove him out of the country ; certain it is, he embarked for Sweden shortly afterwards, and Jan Claudius Risingh was sent to govern New Sweden in his stead. Such was the famous mosquito war on the Delaware, of which General Van Poffenburgh would fain have been the hero ; but the devout people of the Nieuw Nederlandts always as- scribed the discomfiture of the Swedes to the miraculous intervention of St. Nicholas. As to the fortress of Helsenburg, it fell to ruin ; but 128 •fcistor^ of "Kcw l^orli the story of its strange destruction was perpet- uated by the Swedish name of Myggen-borg, that is to say, Mosquito Castle.* ♦Acrelius' History N. Sweden. For some node* of this miraculous discomfiture of the Swedes, see N, V, His. Col., new series, vol. I., p. 412. CHAPTER II. OP JAN RISINGH, HIS GIANTLY PERSON AND CRAFTY DEEDS ; AND OF THE CATASTROPHE AT FORT CASIMIR. JAN CLAUDIUS RISINGH, who succeeded to the command of New Sweden, looms largely in ancient records as a gigantic Swede, who, had he not been rather knock-kneed and splay-footed, might have served for the model of a Samson or a Hercules. He was no less rapacious than mighty, and, withal, as crafty^ as he was rapacious ; so that there is very little doubt that, had he lived some four or five cen- turies since, he would have figured as one of those wicked giants who took a cruel pleasure in pocketing beautiful princesses and distressed damsels, when gadding about the world, and locking them up in enchanted castles, without a toilet, a change of linen, or any other con- 130 I)i0tori2 of Bew l^orft venience. In consequence of which enormities they fell under the high displeasure of chivalry, and all true, loyal, and gallant knights were in- structed to attack and slay outright any miscre- ant they might happen to find above six feet high ; which is doubtless one reason why the race of large men is nearly extinct, and the generations of latter ages are so exceedingly small. Governor Risingh, notwithstanding his gi- antly condition, was, as I have hinted, a man of craft. He was not the man to ruffle the van- ity of General Van Poffenburgh, or to rub his self-conceit against the grain. On the contrary, as he sailed up the Delaware, he paused before Fort Casimir, displayed his flag, and fired a royal salute before dropping anchor. The salute would doubtless have been returned, had not the guns been dismounted ; as it was, a veteran sentinel, who had been napping at his post, and had suffered his match to go out, returned the compliment by discharging his musket with the spark of a pipe borrowed from a com- rade. Governor Risingh accepted this as a courteous reply, and treated the fortress to a second salute, well knowing its commander was apt to be marvellously delighted with these little ceremonials, considering them so many acts of homage paid to his greatness. He then I Zbc 0arri0on mnDer Brms 131 prepared to land with a military retinue of thirty men, a prodigious pageant in the wilder- ness. And now took place a terrible rummage and racket in Fort Casimir, to receive such a visitor in proper style, and to make an imposing ap- pearance. The main guard was turned out as soon as possible, equipped to the best advantage in the few suits of regimentals, which had to do duty by turns with the whole garrison. One tall, lank fellow appeared in a little man's coat, with the buttons between his shoulders, the skirts scarce covering his bottom, his hands hanging like spades out of the sleeves, and the coat linked in front by worsted loops made out of a pair of red garters. Another had a cocked hat stuck on the back of his head, and deco- rated with a bunch of cock's tails ; a third had a pair of rusty gaiters hanging about his heels ; while a fourth, a little duck-legged fellow, was equipped in a pair of the general's cast-oflf breeches, which he held up with one hand while he grasped his firelock with the other. The rest were accoutred in similar style, except three ragamuffins without shirts, and with but a pair and a half of breeches between them ; wherefore they were sent to the black hole, to keep them out of sight, that they might not disgrace the fortress. 132 Ibistorg of IRcw lorft His men being tlins gallantly arrayed, — those who lacked muskets shouldering spades and pick-axes, and every man being ordered to tuck in his shirt-tail and pull up his brogues, — Gen- eral Van Poffenburgh first took a sturdy draught of foaming ale, which, like the magnanimous More of More-hall,* was his invariable practice on all great occasions ; this done, he put him- self at their head, and issued forth from his castle, like a mighty giant, just refreshed with wine. But when the two heroes met, then be- gan a scene of warlike parade that beggars all description. The shrewd Risingh, who had grown gray much before his time in conse- quence of his craftiness, saw at one glance the ruling passion of the great Van Poffenburgh, and humored him in all his valorous fantasies. Their detachments were accordingly drawn up in front of each other ; they carried arms and they presented arms ; they gave the standing salute and the passing salute ; they rolled their drums, they flourished their fifes, and they waved their colors ; they faced to the left, and they faced to the right, and they faced to the right-about ; they wheeled forward, and they *" as soon as he rose, To make him strong and mighty, He drank by the tale, six pots of ale, And a quart of aqua vittc." Dragon of Wantley. jfflbilitarB Bv^olutions 133 wheeled backward, and they wheeled into echellon ; they marched and they counter- marched, by grand divisions, by single divi- sions, and by subdivisions; by platoons, by sections, and by files ; in quick time, in slow time, and in no time at all ; for, having gone through all the evolutions of two great armies, including the eighteen manoeuvres of Dundas ; having exhausted all they could recollect or imagine of military tactics, including sunrlry strange and irregular evolutions, the like of which were never seen before nor since, except- ing among certain of our newly raised militia, — the two commanders and their respective troops came at length to a dead halt, completely exhausted by the toils of war. Never did two valiant train-band captains, or two buskined theatric heroes, in the renowned tragedies of Pizarro, Tom Thumb, or any other heroical and fighting tragedy, marshal their gallows- looking, duck-legged, heavy-heeled myrmidons with more glory and self-admiration. These military compliments being finished, General Van Poflfenburgh escorted his illustri- ous visitor, with great ceremony, into the fort ; attended him throughout the fortifications ; showed him the horn-works, crown-works, half- moons, and various other outworks, or rather the places where they ought to be erected, and 134 fbietov^ of Bew l^ork where they might be erected if he pleased ; plainly demonstrating that it was a place of "great capability," and though at present but a little redoubt, yet that it was evidently a for- midable fortress, in embyro. This survey, over, he next had the whole garrison put under arms, exercised, and reviewed ; and concluded by ordering the three bridewell birds to be hauled out of the black hole, brought up to the hal- berds, and soundly flogged, for the amusement of his visitor, and to convince him that he was a great disciplinarian. The cunning Risingh, while he pretended to be struck dumb outright with the puissance of the great Van Pofienburgh, took silent note of the incompetency of his garrison, — of which he gave a wink to his trusty followers, who tipped each other the wink, and laughed most obstrep- erously — in their sleeves. The inspection, review, and flogging being concluded, the party adjourned to the table ; for among his other great qualities, the general was remarkably addicted to huge carousals, and in one afternoon's campaign would leave more dead men on the field than he ever did in the whole course of his military career. Many bulletins of these bloodless victories do still remain on record ; and the whole province was once thrown in amaze by the return of one of Dan poltcnbur0b*0 iprowess 135 his campaigns, wherein it was stated that, though, like Captain Bobadil, he had only twenty men to back him, yet in the short space of six months he had conquered and utterly annihilated sixty oxen, ninety hogs, one hun- dred sheep, ten thousand cabbages, one thousand bushels of potatoes, one hundred and fifty kilderkins of small beer, two thousand seven hundred and thirty-five pipes, seventy-eight pounds of sugar-plums, and forty bars of iron, besides sundry small meats, game, poultry, and garden-stuff : — an achievement unparalleled since the days of Pantagruel and his all-devour- ing army, and which showed that it was only necessary to let Van Poffenburgh and his garri- son loose in an enemy's country, and in a little while they would breed a famine, and starve all the inhabitants. No sooner, therefore, had the general received intimation of the visit of Governor Risingh, than he ordered a great dinner to be prepared, and privately sent out a detachment of his most experienced veterans, to rob all the hen-roosts in the neighborhood, and lay the pigsties under contribution, — a service w^hich they discharged with such zeal and promptitude, that the garri- son table groaned under the weight of their spoils. I wish, with all my heart, my readers could 136 Iblstor^ of Bcw lorft see the valiant Van Poflfenburgh, as lie presided at the head of the banquet ; it was a sight worth beholding : — there he sat, in his greatest glory, surrounded by his soldiers, like that famous wine-bibber, Alexander, whose thirsty virtues he did most ably imitate, — telling astonishing stories of his hair-breadth adventures and heroic exploits ; at which, though all his auditors knew them to be incontinent lies and outra- geous gasconadoes, yet did they cast up their eyes in admiration, and utter many interjections of astonishment. Nor could the general pro- nounce any thing that bore the remotest re- semblence to a joke, but the stout Risingh would strike his brawny fist upon the table till every glass rattled again, throw himself back in the chair, utter gigantic peals of laughter, and swear most horribly it was the best joke he ever heard in his life. Thus all was rout and revelry and hideous carousal within Fort Casi- mir ; and so lustily did Van Poffenburgh ply the bottle, that in less than four short hours he made himself and his whole garrison, who all sedulously emulated the deeds of their chieftain, dead drunk, with singing songs, quaffing bum- pers, and drinking patriotic toasts, none of which but was as long as a Welsh pedigree or a plea in chancery. No sooner did things come to this pass, than •ffngratituDe ot the SwcDes 137 Risingh and his Swedes, who had cunningly kept themselves sober, rose on their entertain- ers, tied them neck and heels, and took formal possession of the fort, and all its dependencies, in the name of Queen Christina of Sweden, ad- ministering at the same time an oath of al- legiance to all the Dutch soldiers who could be made sober enough to swallow it. Risingh then put the fortification in order, appointed his discreet and vigilant friend, Suen Schiite, otherwise called Skytte, a tall, wind-dried, water-drinking Swede, to the command, and departed, bearing with him this truly amiable garrison and its puissant commander, who, when brought to himself by a sound drubbing, bore no little resemblance to a " deboshed fish," or bloated sea-monster caught upon dry land. The transportation of the garrison was done to prevent the transmission of intelligence to New Amsterdam ; for much as the cunning Ri- singh exulted in his stratagem, yet did he dread the vengeance of the sturdy Peter Stuy\'esant, whose name spread as much terror in the neigh- borhood as did whilom that of the unconquera- ble Scanderbeg among his scurvy enemies the Turks. CHAPTER III. SHOWING HOW PROFOUND SECRETS ARE OFTEN BROUGHT TO WGHT ; WITH THE PROCEEDINGS OF PETER THE HEADSTRONG WHEN HE HEARD OF THE MISFORTUNES OF GENERAI. VAN POF- FENBURGH. WHOEVER first described common fame, or rumor, as belonging to the sager sex, was a very owl for shrewdness. She has in truth certain feminine qualities to an astonishing de- gree, particularly that benevolent anxiety to take care of the affairs of others, which keeps her continually hunting after secrets, and gadding about proclaiming them. Whatever is done openly and in the face of the world, she takes but transient notice of ; but whenever a transac- tion is done in a comer, and attempted to be shrouded in mystery, then her goddess-ship is at her wit's end to find it out, and takes a most mischievous and lady -like pleasure in publishing it to the world. DlrK Scbuiler 139 It is this truly feminine propensity which in- duces her continually to be prying into the cab- inets of princes, listening at the key-holes of senate-chambers, and peering through chinks and crannies when our worthy Congress are sitting with closed doors, deliberating between a dozen excellent modes of ruining the nation. It is this which makes her so baneful to all wary statesmen and intriguing commanders, — such a stumbling-block to private negotiations and secret expeditions, betraying them by means and instruments which never would have been thought of by any but a female head. Thus it was in the case of the affair of Fort Casimir. No doubt the cunning Risingh ima- gined that, by securing the garrison, he should for a long time prevent the history of its fate from reaching the ears of the gallant Stuyve- sant ; but his exploit was blown to the world when he least expected, and by one of the last beings he would ever have suspected of enlist- ing as trumpeter to the wide-mouthed deity. This was one Dirk Schuiler (or Skulker) a kind of hanger-on to the garrison, who seemed to belong to nobody, and in a manner to beself- out-lawed. He was one of those vagabond cos- mopolites who shark about the world as if they had no right or business in it, and who infest I40 Iblstors of IRcw lork the skirts of society like poachers and inter- lopers. Every garrison and country village has one or more scape-goats of this kind, whose life is a kind of enigma, whose existence is without motive, who comes from the Lord knows where, who lives the Lord knows how, and who seems created for no other earthly purpose but to keep up the ancient and honorable order of idleness. This vagrant philosopher was supposed to have some Indian blood in his veins, which was mani- fested by a certain Indian complexion and cast of countenance, but more especially by his pro- pensities and habits. He was a tall, lank fellow, swift of foot, and long-winded. He was gen- erally equipped in a half Indian dress, with belt, leggins, and moccasons. His hair hung in straight gallows-locks about his ears, and added not a little to his sharking demeanor. It is an old remark, that persons of Indian mixture are half civilized, half savage, and half devil, — a third half being provided for their particular convenience. It is for similar reasons, and probably with equal truth, that the backwoods- men of Kentucky are styled half man, half horse, and half alligator, by the settlers on the Mississippi, and held accordingly in great re* pect and abhorrence. The above character may have presented it' self to the garrison as applicable to Dirk Schu- (5allow0 Dirk 141 iler, whom they familiarly dubbed Gallows Dirk. Certain it is, he acknowledged allegiance to no one, — was an utter enemy to work, holding it in no manner of estimation, — but lounging about the fort, depending upon chance for a subsistence, getting drunk whenever he could get liquor, and stealing whatever he could lay his hands on. Every day or two he was sure to get a round rib-roasting for some of his mis- demeanors, which, however, as it broke no bones, he made very light of, and scrupled not to repeat the offence whenever another oppor- tunity presented. Sometimes, in consequence of some flagrant villainy, he would abscond from the garrison, and be absent for a month at a time, skulking about the woods and swamps, with a long fowling-piece on his shoulder, lying in ambush for game, — or squatting himself down on the edge of a pond, catching fish for hours together, and bearing no little resemblance to that notable bird of the crane family, ycleped the Mudpoke. When he thought his crimes had been forgotten or forgiven, he would sneak back to the fort with a bundle of skins, or a load of poultry, which, perchance, he had stolen, and would exchange them for liquor, with which having well soaked his carcass, he would lie in the sun and enjoy all the luxurious indolence of that swinish philosopher Diogenes. He was 142 Ibistor^ of Iftew l^orft the terror of all the farm-yards in the country into which he made fearful inroads ; and some- times he would make his sudden appearance in the garrison at daybreak, with the whole neigh- borhood at his heels, — like the scoundrel thief of a fox, detected in his maraudings and hunt- ed to his hole. Such was this Dirk Schuiler ; and from the total indifference he showed to the world and its concerns, and from his truly In- dian stoicism and taciturnity, no one would ever have dreamt that he would have been the pub- lisher of the treachery of Risingh. When the carousal was going on, which proved so fatal to the brave Poffenburgh and his watchful garrison. Dirk skulked about from room to room, being a kind of privileged va' grant, or useless hound, whom nobody noticed. But though a fellow of few words, yet, like your taciturn people, his eyes and ears were always open, and in the course of his prowlings he overheard the whole plot of the Swedes. Dirk immediately settled in his own mind how he should turn the matter to his own advantage. He played the perfect jack-of-both-sides, which is to say, he made a prize of every thing that came in his reach, robbed both parties, stuck the copper-bound cocked hat of the puissant Van Poffenburgh on his head, whipped a huge pair of Risingh' s jack-boots under his arms, and jfllabt to IRew BmsterOam 143 took to his heels just before the catastrophe and confusion at the garrison. Finding himself completely dislodged from his haunt in this quarter, he directed his flight towards his native place, New Amsterdam, whence he had formerly been obliged to ab- scond percipitately, in consequence of misfor- tune in business, — that is to say, having been detected in the act of sheep-stealing. After wandering many days in the woods, toiling through swamps, fording brooks, swimming various rivers, and encountering a world of hardships that would have killed any other be- ing but an Indian, a backwoodsman, or the Devil, he at length arrived, half famished, and lank as a starved weasel, at Communipaw, where he stole a canoe, and paddled over to New Am- sterdam. Immediately on landing, he repaired to Governor Stuyvesant, and, in more words than he had ever spoken before in the whole course of his life, gave an account of the disas- trous affair. On receiving these direful tidings, the valiant Peter started from his seat, dashed the pipe he was smoking against the back of the chimney, thrust a prodigious quid of tobacco into his left cheek, pulled up his galligaskins, and strode up and down the room, humming, as was customary with him when in a passion, a hideous north- 144 tXstor^ of Bew l^ork west ditty. But, as I have before shown, he was not a man to vent his spleen in idle vaporing. His first measure, after the paroxysm of wrath had subsided, was to stump up stairs to a huge wooden chest, which served as his armor>% from whence he drew forth that identical suit of regi- mentals described in the preceding chapter. In'these portentous habiliments he arrayed him- self like Achilles in the armor of Vulcan, main- taining all the while an appalling silence, knitting his brows, and drawing his breath through his clinched teeth. Being hastily equipped, he strode down into the parlor and jerked down his trusty sword from over the fireplace, where it was usually suspended ; but before he girded it on his thigh, he drew it from its scabbard, and as his eye coursed along the rusty blade, a grim smile stole over his iron vis- age ; it was the first smile that had visited his countenance for five long weeks ; but every one who beheld it prophesied that there would soon be warm work in the province ! Thus armed at all points, with grisly war de- picted in each feature, his very cocked hat as- suming an air of uncommon defiance, he in- stantly put himself upon the alert, and de- spatched Antony Van Corlear hither and thither, this way and that way, through all the nmddy streets and crooked lanes of the city, summon- Zbc Council Summoned ms ing by sound of trumpet his trusty peers to assemble in instant council. This done, by way of expediting matters, according to the custom of people in a hurry, he kept in continual bus- tle, shifting from chair to chair, popping his head out of every window, and stumping up and down stairs with his wooden leg in such brisk and incessant motion, that, as we are in- formed by an authentic historian of the times, the continual clatter bore no small resemblance to the music of a cooper hooping a flour-barrel. A summons so peremptory, and from a man of the governor's mettle, was not to be trifled with ; the sages forthwith repaired to the coun- cil-chamber, seated themselves with the utmost tranquillity, and, lighting their long pipes, gazed with unruffled composure on his Excel- lency and his regimentals, — being, as all coim- sellors should be, not easily flustered, nor taken by surprise. The governor, looking around for a moment with a lofty, soldier-like air, and resting one hand on the pommel of his sword, and flinging the other forth in a free and spir- ited manner, addressed them in a short but soul-stirring harangue. I am extremely sorry that I have not the ad- vantages of Livy,Thucydides, Plutarch, and oth- ers of my predecessors, who were furnished, as 7 am told, with the speeches of all their heroes, 146 Ibistor^ of Bew l^ork taken down in short-hand by the most accurate stenographers of the time, — whereby they were enabled wonderfully to enrich their histories, and delight their readers with sublime strains of eloquence. Not having such important aux- iliaries, I cannot possibly pronounce what was the tenor of Governor Stujrvesant's speech. I am bold, however, to say, from the tenor of his character, that he did not wrap his rugged sub- ject in silks and ermines, and other sickly trick- eries of phrase, but spoke forth like a man of nerve and vigor, who scorned to shrink in words from those dangers which he stood ready to en- coimter in very deed. This much is certain, that he concluded by announcing his determination to lead on his troops in person, and rout these costard -monger Swedes from their usurped quarters at Fort Casimir. To this hardy resolu- tion, such of his council as were awake gave their usual signal of concurrence ; and as to the rest, who had fallen asleep about the middle of the harangue (their " usual custom in the after- noon "), they made not the least objection. And now was seen in the fair city of New Amsterdam a prodigious bustle and preparation for iron war. Recruiting parties marched hither and thither, calling lustily upon all the scrubs, the runagates, and tatterdemalions of the Man- hattoes and its vicinity, who had any ambition IRccruftincj tor Tldar 147 of sixpence a day, and immortal fame into the bargain, to enlist in the cause of glory : — for I would have you note that your warlike heroes who trudge in the rear of conquerors are gener- ally of that illustrious class of gentlemen who are equal candidates for the army or the bride- well, the halberds or the w^hipping-post, — for whom Dame Fortune has cast an even die, whether they shall make their exit by the sword or the halter, and whose deaths shall, at all events, be a lofty example to their countrymen. But, notwithstanding all this martial rout and invitation, the ranks of honor were but scantily supplied, so averse were the peaceful burghers of New Amsterdam from enlisting in foreign broils, or stirring beyond that home which rounded all their earthly ideas. Upon behold- ing this, the great Peter, whose noble heart was all on fire with war and sweet revenge, deter- mined to wait no longer for the tardy assistance of these oily citizens, but to muster up his merry men of the Hudson, who, brought up among woods, and wilds, and savage beasts, like our yeomen of Kentucky, delighted in nothing so much as desperate adventures and perilous ex- peditions through the wilderness. Thus resolv- ing, he ordered his trusty squire, Antony Van Corlear, to have his state galley prepared and duly victualled ; which being performed, he at- 148 Ibistorg ot IRew l^orh tended public service at the great church of St. Nicholas, like a true and pious governor ; and then leaving peremptory orders with his council to have the chivalry of the Manhattoes mar- shalled out and appointed against his return, departed on his recruiting voyage up the waters of the Hudson. CHAPTER IV. CONTAINING PETER STUYVES ANT'S VOYAGE UP THE HUDSON, AND THE WONDERS AND DE- LIGHTS OF THAT RENOWNED RIVER. NOW did the soft breezes of the south steal sweetly over the face of nature, tempering the panting heats of summer into genial and prolific warmth ; when that miracle of hardi- hood and chivalric virtue, the dauntless Peter Stuyvesant, spread his canvas to the wind, and departed from the fair island of Manna- hata. The galley in which he embarked was sump- tuously adorned with pendants and streamers of gorgeous dyes which fluttered gayly in the wind, or drooped their ends into the bosom of the stream. The bow and poop of this majestic vessel were gallantly bedight, after the rarest Dutch fashion, with figures of little pursy Cu- pids with periwigs on their heads, and bearing in their hands garlands of flowers, the like of I50 Ibistors of 1Rew l^orh which are not to be found in any book of botany, being the matchless flowers which flourished in the golden age, and exist no longer, unless it be in the imaginations of ingenious carvers of wood and discolorers of canvas. Thus rarely decorated, in style befitting the puissant potentate of the Manhattoes, did the galley of Peter Stuyvesant launch forth upon the bosom of the lordly Hudson, which, as it rolled its broad waves to the ocean, seemed to pause for a while and swell with pride, as if conscious of the illustrious burden it sustained. But trust me, gentlefolk, far other was the scene presented to the contemplation of the crew from that which may be witnessed at this degenerate day. Wildness and savage majesty reigned on the borders of this mighty river ; the hand of cultivation had not as 3'et laid low the dark forest, and tamed the features of the land- scape ; nor had the frequent sail of commerce broken in upon the profound and awful solitude of ages. Here and there might be seen a rude wigwam perched among the clifls of the moun- tains, with its curling column of smoke mount- ing in the transparent atmosphere, — but so loftily situated that the whoopings of the savage children, gambolling on the margin of the dizzy heights, fell almost as faintly on the ear as do the notes of the lark when lost in the azure XLbc ttJoBage 151 vault of heaven. Now and then, from the beet- ling brow of some precipice, the wild deer would look timidly down upon the splendid pageant as it passed below, and then, tossing his antlers in the air, would bound away into the thickest of the forest Through such scenes did the stately vessel of Peter Stuyvesant pass. Now did they skirt the bases of the rocky heights of Jersey, which spring up like everlasting walls, reaching from the waves unto the heavens, and were fashioned, if tradition may be believed, in times long past, by the mighty spirit Manetho, to protect his favorite abodes from the unhallowed eyes of mortals. Now did they career it gayly across the vast expanse of Tappan Bay, whose wide-extend- ed shores present a variety of delectable scenery, — ^here the bold promontory, crowned with em- bowering trees, advancing into the bay, — there the long woodland slope, sweeping up from the shore in rich luxuriance, and terminating in the upland precipice, — while at a distance a long waving line of rocky heights threw their gigan- tic shades across the water. Now would they pass where some modest little interval, opening among these stupendous scenes, yet retreating as it were for protection into the embraces of the neighboring mountains, displayed a rural paradise, fraught with sweet and pastoral beau- 152 1bi0tori2 ot IRew l^orft ties, — the velvet-tufted lawn, tlie bushy copse, the tinkling rivulet, stealing through the fresh and vivid verdure, on whose banks was situated some little Indian village, or, peradventure, the rude cabin of some solitary hunter. The different periods of the revolving day seemed each, with cunning magic, to diffuse a different charm over the scene. Now would the jovial sun break gloriously from the east, blazing from the summits of the hills, and sparkling the landscape with a thousand dewy gems ; while along the borders of the river were seen the heavy masses of mist, which, like midnight caitiffs, disturbed at his approach, made a slug- gish retreat, rolling in sullen reluctance up the mountains. At such times all was brightness, and life, and gayety, — the atmosphere was of an in- describable pureness and transparency, — the birds broke forth in wanton madrigals, and the freshening breezes wafted the vessel merrily on her course. But when the sun sunk amid a flood of glory in the west, mantling the heavens and the earth with a thousand gorgeous dyes, then all was calm, and silent, and magnificent. The late swelling sail hung lifelessly against the mast ; — the seaman, with folded arms, leaned against the shrouds, lost in that involuntary musing which the sober grandeur of nature commands in the rudest of her children. The XLwiliQbt on tbe IbuDgon 153 vast bosom of the Hudson was like an unruffled mirror, reflecting the golden splendor of the heavens, excepting that now and then a bark canoe would steal across its surface, filled with painted savages, whose gay feathers glared brightly as perchance a lingering ray of the setting sun gleamed upon them from the western mountains. But when the hour of twilight spread its majestic mists around, then did the face of nature assume a thousand fugitive charms, which to the worthy heart that seeks enjoyment in the glorious works of its Maker are inex- pressibly captivating. The mellow dubious light that prevailed just served to tinge with illusive colors the softened features of the scenery. The deceived but delighted eye sought vainly to discern in the broad masses of shade the separa- ting line between the land and water, or to dis- tinguish the fading objects that seemed sinking into chaos. Now did the busy fancy supply the feebleness of vision, producing with industrious craft a fairy creation of her own. Under her plastic wand the barren rocks frowned upon the watery waste in the semblance of lofty towers and high embattled castles, — trees assumed the direful forms of mighty giants, and the inacces- sible summits of the mountains seemed peopled with a thousand shadowy beings. 154 Distort ot IWew forft Now broke forth from the shores the notes of an innumerable variety of insects, which filled the air with a strange but not inharmonious concert, while ever and anon was heard the melancholy plaint of the whippoorwill, who, perched on some lone tree, wearied the ear of night with his incessant moanings. The mind, soothed into a hallowed melancholy, listened with pensive stillness to catch and distinguish each sound that vaguely echoed from the shore, — now and then startled perchance by the whoop of some straggling savage, or by the dreary howl of a wolf, stealing forth upon his nightly prowlings. Thus happily did they pursue their course, until they entered upon those awful defiles de- nominated THE HiGHi^ANDS, where it would seem that the gigantic Titans had erst waged their impious war with heaven, piling up cliffs on cliffs, and hurling vast masses of rock in wild confusion. But in sooth very different is the history of these cloud-capt mountains. These in ancient days, before the Hudson poured its waters from the lakes, formed one vast prison, within whose rocky bosom the omnipo- tent Manetho confined the rebellious spirits who repined at his control. Here, bound in adaman- tine chains, or jammed in rifted pines, or crushed by ponderous rocks, they groaned for many an XLbc 1bi0blanO5 155 age. At length the conquering Hudson, in its career towards the ocean, burst open their prison-house, rolling its tide triumphantly- through the stupendous ruins. Still, however, do many of them lurk about their old abodes ; and these it is, according to venerable legends, that cause the echoes which resound throughout these awful solitudes, — which are nothing but their angry clamors when any noise disturbs the profoundness of their repose. For when the elements are agitated by- tempest, when the winds are up and the thunder rolls, then horrible is the yelling and howling of these troubled spirits, making the moimtains to rebellow with their hideous uproar ; for at such times it is said that they think the great Manetho is returning once more to plunge them in gloomy caverns, and renew their intolerable captivity. But all these fair and glorious scenes were lost upon the gallant Stuyvesant ; naught occu- pied his mind but thoughts of iron war, and proud anticipations of hardy deeds of arms. Neither did his honest crew trouble their heads with any romantic speculations of the kind. The pilot at the helm quietly smoked his pipe, thinking of nothing either past, present, or to come ; — those of his comrades who were not in- dustriously smoking under the hatches were 156 t>i0tori2 of IRcvv l^orft listening with open mouths to Antony Van ■ Corlear, who, seated on the windlass, was re- lating to them the marvellous history of those myriads of fireflies that sparkled like gems and spangles upon the dusky robe of night. These, according to tradition, were originally a race of pestilent sempitemous beldames, who peopled these parts long before the memory of man, being of that abominated race emphatically called brmtstofies, and who, for their innumer- able sins against the children of men, and to furnish an awful warning to the beauteous sex, were doomed to infest the earth in the shape of these threatening and terrible little bugs, en- during the internal torments of that fire which they formerly carried in their hearts and breathed forth in their words, but now are sentenced to bear about forever — in their tails ! And now I am going to tell a fact, which I doubt much my readers will hesitate to believe ; but if they do they are welcome not to believe a word in this whole history, for nothing which it contains is more true. It must be known then that the nose of Antony the Trumpeter was of a very lusty size, strutting boldly from his countenance like a mountain of Golconda ; being sumptuously bedecked with rubies and other precious stones, — the true regalia of a king of good-fellows, which jolly Bacchus Bntoni3'6 IRose 157 grants to all who bouse it heartily at the flagon. Now thus it happened that, bright and early in the morning, the good Antony, having washed his burly visage, was leaning over the quarter- railing of the galley, contemplating it in the glassy wave below. Just at this moment the illustrious sun, breaking in all its splendor from behind a high bluff of the highlands, did dart one of his most potent beams full upon the refulgent nose of the sounder of brass — the reflection of which shot straightway down, hissing-hot, into the water, and killed a mighty sturgeon that was sporting beside the vessel ! This huge monster being with infinite labor hoisted on board, furnished a luxurious repast to all the crew, being accounted of excellent flavor, excepting about the wound, where it smacked a little of brimstone ; and this, on my veracity, was the first time that ever sturgeon was eaten in these parts by Christian people.* When this astonishing miracle came to be made known to Peter Stuyvesant, and that he tasted of the unknown fish, he, as may well be supposed, marvelled exceedingly ; and as a monument thereof, he gave the name oi Anto- * The learned Hans Megapolensis, treating of the coun- try about Albany, in a letter which was written some time after the settlement, says : " There is in the river great plenty of sturgeon, which we Christians do not make use of, but the Indians eat them greedily." 158 fbistov^ ot Irlew 13ork ny^s Nose to a stout promontory in the neigh- borhood ; and it has continued to be called Antony's Nose ever since that time. But hold : whither am I wandering ? By the mass, if I attempt to accompany the good Peter Stuyvesant on this voyage, I shall never make an end ; for never was there a voyage so fraught with marvellous incidents, nor a river so abounding with transcendent beauties, worthy of being severally recorded. Even now I have it on the point of my pen to relate how his crew were most horribly frightened, on going on shore above the highlands, by a gang of merry roistering devils, frisking and curveting on a flat rock, which projected into the river, and which is called the DtiyveVs Dafis-Kamer to this very day. But no, Diedrich Knicker- bocker, it becomes thee not to idle thus in thy historic wayfaring. Recollect that, while dwelling with the fond garrulity of age over these fairy scenes, en- deared to thee by the recollections of thy youth, and the charms of a thousand legendary tales, which beguiled the simple ear of thy child- hood, — recollect that thou art trifling with those fleeting moments which should be devot- ed to loftier themes. Is not Time — relentless Time ! — shaking, with palsied hand, his almost exhausted hour-glass before thee ? Hasten protection ot St. IFlfcbolas 159 then to pursue thy weary task, lest the last sands be run ere thou hast finished thy history of the Manhattoes. Let us, then, commit the dauntless Peter, his brave galley, and his loyal crew to the protec- tion of the blessed St. Nicholas, who, I have no doubt, will prosper him in his voyage, while we await his return at the great city of New Amsterdam. CHAPTER V. DESCRIBING THE POWERFUIv ARMY THAT AS- SEMBI^ED AT THE CITY OE NEW AMSTER- DAM—TOGETHER WITH THE INTERVIEW BETWEEN PETER THE HEADSTRONG AND GENERAE VAN POFFENBURGH, AND PETER'S SENTIMENTS TOUCHING UNFORTUNATE GREAT MEN. WHIIvB thus the enterprising Peter was coasting, with flowing sail, up the shores of the lordly Hudson, and arousing all the phlegmatic little Dutch settlements upon its borders, a great and puissant concourse of warriors was assembling at the city of New Amsterdam. And here that invaluable frag- ment of antiquity, the Stuyvesant manuscript, is more than commonly particular ; by which means I am enabled to record the illustrious host that encamped itself in the public square in front of the fort, at present denominated the Bowling Green. In the centre, then, was pitched the tent of IDaKant SolOlers i6i the men of battle of the Manhattoes, who, being the inmates of the metropolis, composed the lifeguards of the governor. These were commanded by the valiant Stoffel Brinker- hoof, who whilom had acquired such immortal fame at Oyster Bay ; they displayed as a stand- ard a beaver rampant on a field of orange, being the arms of the province, and denoting the persevering industry and the amphibious origin of the Nederlanders.* On their right hand might be seen the vassals of that renowned Mynheer, Michael Paw,t who lorded it over the fair regions of ancient Pavo- nia, and the lands away south even unto the Navesink Mountains,]: and was, moreover, pa- troon of Gibbet Island. His standard was borne by his trusty squire, Cornelius Van Vorst, con- sisting of a huge oyster recumbent upon a sea- green field, being the armorial bearings of his * This was likewise the g^reat seal of the New Nether- lands, as may still be seen in ancient records t Besides what is related in the Stuyvesant MS., I have found mention made of this illustrious patroon in an- other manuscript, which says : " De Heer (or the squire) Michael Paw, a Dutch subject, about loth Aug., 1630, by deed purchased Staten Island. N. B. — The same Michael Paw had what the Dutch called a colonic at Pavonia, on the Jersey shore, opposite New York, and his overseer in 1636 was named Corns. Van Vorst, a person of the same name, in 1769, owned Pawles Hook, and a large farm at Pavonia, and is a lineal descendant from Van Vorst." \ So called from the Navesink tribe of Indians that in- habited these parts. At present they are erroneously denominated the Neversink or Neversunk Mountains. i62 1bf6tori5 of IRcw l^ork favorite metropolis, Communipaw. He brought to the camp a stout force of warriors, heavily armed, being each clad in ten pair of linsey- woolsey breeches, and overshadowed by broad- brimmed beavers, with short pipes twisted in their hat-bands. These were the men who vegetated in the mud along the shores of Pavo- nia, being of the race of genuine copperheads, and were fabled to have sprung from oysters. At a little distance was encamped the tribe of warriors who came from the neighborhood of Hell-gate. These were commanded by the Suy Dams, and the Van Dams, — incontinent hard swearers, as their names betoken. They were terrible-looking fellows, clad in broad-skirted gaberdines of that curious-colored cloth called thunder and lightning, — and bore as a standard three Devil's darning-needles, volant^ in a flame- colored field. Hard by was the tent of the men of battle from the marshy borders of the Waale-Boght* and the country thereabouts. These were of a sour aspect, by reason that they lived on crabs, which abound in these parts. They were the first institutors of that honorable order of knight- hood called Fly-market shirks, and, if tradition speak true, did likewise introduce the far-famed * Since corrupted into the Wallabout ; the bay where the Navy Yard is situated. Stugvesant's Brmg 1^3 step in dancing called "double trouble." They were commanded by the fearless Jacobus Varra Vanger, — and had, moreover, a jolly band of Breuckelen* ferry-men, who performed a brave concerto on conch shells. But I refrain from pursuing this minute de- scription, which goes on to describe the war- riors of Bloemen-dael, and Weehawk, and Ho- boken, and sundry other places well known in history and song ; for now do the notes of mar- tial music alarm the people of New Amsterdam, soimdingafar from beyond the walls of the city. But this alarm was in a little while relieved, for lo ! from the midst of a vast cloud of dust they recognized the brimstone-colored breeches and splendid silver leg of Peter Stuyvesant, glaring in the sunbeams, and beheld him approaching at the head of a formidable army, which he had mustered along the banks of the Hudson. And here the excellent but anonymous writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript breaks out into a brave and glorious description of the forces as they defiled through the principal gate of the city, that stood by the head of Wall Street. First of all came the Van Bummels, who in- habit the pleasant borders of the Bronx ; these were short, fat men, wearing exceeding large trunk-breeches, and were renowned for feats of ♦Now spelt Brooklyn. i64 1bi0tori2 ot IWew l^orft the trencher ; they were the first inventors of suppawn, or mush and milk. Close in their rear marched the Van Vlotens, of Kaatskill, horrible quaffers of new cider, and arrant brag- garts in their liquor. After them came the Van Pelts, of Groodt Esopus, dexterous horsemen, mounted upon goodly switch-tailed steeds of the Esopus breed ; these were mighty hunters of minks and musk-rats, whence came the word Peltry. Then the Van Nests, of Kinderhoeck, valiant robbers of birds'-nests, as their name denotes ; to these, if report may be believed, are we indebted for the invention of slap-jacks, or buckwheat cakes. Then the Van Higgin- bottoms, of Wapping's Creek; these came armed with ferules and birchen rods, being a race of schoolmasters who first discovered the marvellous sympathy between the seat of honor and the seat of intellect, — and that the shortest way to get knowledge into the head was to hammer it into the bottom. Then the Van Grolls, of Antony's Nose, who carried their liquor in fair round little pottles, by reason they could not bouse it out of their canteens, having such rare long noses. Then the Garden- iers, of Hudson and thereabouts, distinguished by many triumphant feats, such as robbing watermelon patches, smoking rabbits out of their holes, and the like, and by being great Zbc •RnfcftcrbocFiers 165 lovers of roasted pigs' tails ; these were the ancestors of the renowned Congressman of that name. Then the Van Hoesens, of Sing-Sing, great choristers and players upon the jews-harp ; these marched two and two, singing the great song of St. Nicholas. Then the Couenhovens, of Sleepy Hollow ; these gave birth to a jolly race of publicans, who first discovered the magic artifice of conjuring a quart of wine into a pint bottle. Then the Van Kortlandts, who lived on the wild banks of the Croton, and were great killers of wild ducks, being much spoken of fa their skill in shooting with the long bow. Then the Van Bunschotens, of Nyack and Kakiat, who were the first that ever did kick with the left foot ; they were gallant bushwhackers and hunters of raccoons by moonlight. Then the Van Winkles, of Haerlem, potent suckers of eggs, and noted for running of horses, and run- ning up of scores at taverns ; they were the first that ever winked with both eyes at once. Lastly came the Knickerbockers, of the great town of Scaghtikoke, where the folk lay stones upon the houses in windy weather lest they should be blown away ; these derive their name, as some say, from K7iicker, to shake, and Beker^ a goblet, indicating thereby that they were sturdy toss-pots of yore, but, in truth, it was derived from Knicker, to nod, and Boeken^ i66 Ibfstori? ot mew forft "books, plainly meaning that they were great nodders or dozers over books ; from them did descend the writer of this history. Such was the legion of sturdy bush-beaters that poured in at the grand gate of New Am- sterdam. The Stuyvesant manuscript indeed speaks of many more, whose names I omit to mention, seeing that it behooves me to hasten to matters of greater moment. Nothing could surpass the joy and martial pride of the lion- hearted Peter as he reviewed this mighty host of warriors, and he determined no longer to defer the gratification of his much-wished-for revenge upon the scoundrel Swedes at Fort Casimir. But before I hasten to record those unmatch- able events which will be found in the sequel of this faithful history, let me pause to notice the fate of Jacobus Van Pofifenburgh, the dis- comfited commander-in-chief of the armies of the New Nederlands. Such is the inherent un- charitableness of human nature, that scarcely did the news become public of his deplorable discomfiture at Fort Casimir, than a thousand scurvy rumors were set afloat in New Amster- dam, wherein it was insinuated that he had in reality a treacherous understanding with the Swedish commander ; that he had long been in the practice of privately communicating with Dan l^otfenburab's XiteQuarO 167 the Swedes, together with divers hints about "secret-service money." To all which deadly- charges I do not give a jot more credit than I think they deserve. Certain it is, that the general vindicated his character by the most vehement oaths and pro- testations, and put every man out of the ranks of honor who dared to doubt his integrity. Moreover, on returning to New Amsterdam he paraded up and down the streets with a crew of hard swearers at his heels, — sturdy bottle-com- panions, whom he gorged and fattened, and who were ready to bolster him through all the courts of justice, — heroes of his own kidney, fierce -whiskered, broad-shouldered, colbrand- looking swaggerers, — not one of whom but looked as though he could eat up an ox, and pick his teeth with the horns. These lifeguard men quarrelled all his quarrels, were ready to fight all his battles, and scowled at every man that turned up his nose at the general, as though they M'ould devour him alive. Their conversation was interspersed with oaths like minute-guns, and every bombastic rhodomon- tade was rounded off by a thundering execra- tion, like a patriotic toast honored with a dis- charge of artiller}\ All these valorous vaporings had a consider- erable efiect in convincing certain profound i68 Ibietori? of mew l^orft sages, who began to think the general a hero ' of unmatchable loftiness and magnanimity of soul, particularly as he was continually protest- ing on the honor of a soldier, — a marvellously high-sounding asseveration. Nay, one of the members of the council went so far as to pro- pose they should immortalize him by an im- perishable statue of plaster of Paris. But the vigilant Peter the Headstrong was not thus to be deceived. Sending privately for the commander-in-chief of all the armies, and having heard all his story, garnished with the customary pious oaths, protestations, and ejacu- lations, — "Harkee, comrade, "said he, "though by your own account you are the most brave, upright, and honorable man in the whole prov- ince, yet do you lie under the misfortune of being damnably traduced, and immeasurably despised. Now, though it is certainly hard to punish a man for his misfortunes, and though it is very possible you are totally innocent of the crimes laid to your charge, yet as heaven, doubtless for some wise purpose, sees fit at present to withhold all proofs of your inno- cence, far be it from me to counteract its sov- ereign will. Besides, I cannot consent to ven- ture my armies with a commander whom they despise, nor to trust the welfare of my people to a champion whom they distrust. Retire, there- •mntortunatc (5rcat /Ibcn :69 fore, my friend, from the irksome toils and cares of public life, with this comforting reflec- tion that, if guilty, you are but enjoying your just reward, and, if innocent, you are not the first great and good man who has most wrong- fully been slandered and maltreated in this wicked world, — doubtless to be better treated in a better world, where there shall be neither error, calumny, nor persecution. In the mean- time let me never see your face again, for I have a horrible antipathy to the countenances of unfortune great men like yourself" CHAPTER VI. IN WHICH THE AUTHOR DISCOURSES VERY INGENIOUSLY OF HIMSEI^F — AFTER WHICH IS TO BE FOUND MUCH INTERESTING HISTORY ABOUT PETER THE HEADSTRONG AND HIS FOI^IvOWERS. AS my readers and myself are about entering on as many perils as ever a confederacy of meddlesome knights-errant wilfully ran their heads into, it is meet that, like those hardy adventurers, we should join hands, bury all dif- ferences, and swear to stand by one another, in weal or woe, to the end of the enterprise. My readers must doubtless perceive how completely I have altered my tone and deportment since we first set out together. I warrant they then thought me a crabbed, cynical, impertinent lit- tle son of a Dutchman ; for I scarcely gave them a civil word, nor so much as touched my beaver when I had occasion to address them. But as Cbc autbor's Wiilce 171 •we jogged along together on the high road of tny history, I gradually began to relax, to grow more courteous, and occasionally to enter into familiar discourse, until at length I came to conceive a most social, companionable kind of regard for them. This is just my way ; I am always a little cold and reserved at first, partic- ularly to people whom I neither know nor care for, and am only to be completely won by long intimacy. Besides, why should I have been sociable to the crowd of how-d'ye-do acquaintances that flocked around me at my first appearance ? Many were merely attracted by a new face, and having stared me full in the title-page, walked off without saying a word ; while others lingered yawningly through the preface, and, having gratified their short-lived curiosity, soon dropped off one by one. But, more especially to try their mettle, I had recourse to an expedi- ent similar to one which we are told was used by that peerless flower of chivalry. King Ar- thur, who, before he admitted any knight to his intimacy, first required that he should shew himself superior to danger or hardships, by encountering unheard-of mishaps, slaying some dozen giants, vanquishing wicked enchanters, not to say a word of dwarfs, hippogrifis, and fiery dragons. On a similar principle did I 172 "fclstorg of nacw l^orft cunningly lead my readers, at the first sally, into two or three knotty chapters, where they were most wofully belabored and buffeted by a host of pagan philosophers and infidel writers. Though naturally a very grave man, yet could I scarcely refrain from smiling outright at see- ing the utter confusion and dismay of my valiant cavaliers. Some dropped dowm dead (asleep) on the field, others threw down my book in the middle of the first chapter, took to their heels, and never ceased scampering until they had fairly run it out of sight, when they stopped to take breath to tell their friends what troubles they had undergone, and to warn all others from venturing on so thankless an ex- pedition. Every page thinned my ranks more and more, and of the vast multitude that first set out, but a comparatively few made shift to survive, in exceedingly battered condition, through the five introductory chapters. What, then ! w^ould you have had me take such sunshine, faint-hearted recreants to my bosom at our first acquaintance? No, no; I reserved my friendship for those who deserved it, for those who undauntedly bore me com- pany, in despite of difficulties, dangers, and fatigues. And now, as to those who adhere to me at present, I take them afilectionately by the hand. Worthy and thrice-beloved readers, ^be Brms Bmbarfts 173 brave and well-tried comrades, who have faith- fully followed my footsteps through all my wanderings, I salute you from my heart, I pledge myself to stand by you to the last, and to conduct you (so heaven speed this trusty weapon which I now hold between my fingers) triumphantly to the end of this our stupendous undertaking. But hark ! while we are thus talking, the city of New Amsterdam is in a bustle. The host of warriors encamped in the Bowling Green are striking their tents ; the brazen trumpet of An- tony Van Corlear makes the welkin to resound with portentous clangor ; the drums beat ; the standards of the Manhattoes, of Hell-gate, and of Michael Paw, wave proudly in the air. And now behold where the mariners are busily employed hoisting the sails of yon topsail schooner, and those clump-built sloops, which are to waft the army of the Nederlanders to gather immortal honors on the Delaware ! The entire population of the city, man, wom- an, and child, turned out to behold the chivalry of New Amsterdam, as it paraded the streets previous to embarkation. Many a handker- chief was waved out of the windows ; many a fair nose was blown in melodious sorrow on the mournful occasion. The grief of the fair dames and beauteous damsels of Granada could not 174 l)l6tori5 of Bew l^orft have been more vociferous on the banishment of the gallant tribe of Abencerrages, than was that of the kind-hearted fair ones of New Am- sterdam on the departure of their intrepid warriors. Bvery lovesick maiden fondly crammed the pockets of her hero with ginger- bread and doughnuts ; many a copper ring was exchanged, and crooked sixpence broken, in pledge of eternal constancy ; and there remain extant to this day some love verses written on that occasion, sufficiently crabbed and incom- prehensible to confound the whole universe. But it was a moving sight to see the buxom lasses, how they hung about the doughty An- tony Van Corlear, — for he was a jolly, rosy- faced, lusty bachelor, fond of his joke, and withal, a desperate rogue among the women. Fain would they have kept him to comfort them while the army was away ; for, besides what I have said of him, it is no more than jus- tice to add, that he was a kind-hearted soul, noted for his benevolent attentions in comfort- ing disconsolate wives during the absence of their husbands ; and this made him to be very much regarded by the honest burghers of the city. But nothing could keep the valiant An- tony from following the heels of the old gover- nor, whom he loved as he did his very soul ; so, embracing all the young vrouws, and giving popularits ot tbe (5ovcrnoc 175 every one of them that had good teeth and rosy lips a dozen hearty smacks, he departed, loaded with their kind wishes. Nor was the departure of the gallant Peter among the least causes of public distress. Though the old governor was by no means in- dulgent to the follies and waywardness of his subjects, yet somehow or other he had become strangely popular among the people. There is something so captivating in personal bravery, that, with the common mass of mankind, it takes the lead of most other merits. The sim- ple folk of New Amsterdam looked upon Peter Stuyvesant as a prodigy of valor. His wooden leg, that trophy of his martial encounters, was regarded with reverence and admiration. Every old burgher had a budget of miraculous stories to tell about the exploits of Hardkoppig Piet, wherewith he regaled his children of a long winter night, and on which he dwelt with as much delight and exaggeration as do our hon- est country yeomen on the hardy adventures of old General Putnam (or, as he is familiarly termed. Old Put), during our glorious Revolu- tion. Not an individual but verily believed the old governor was a match for Beelzebub him- self; and there was even a story told, with great mystery and under the rose, of his having shot the Devil with a silver bullet one dark, 176 Ibistor^ of IFlew l^orft stormy night, as lie was sailing in a canoe through Hell-gate, but this I do not record as being an absolute fact. Perish the man who would let fall a word to discolor the pure stream of history ! Certain it is, not an old woman in New Am- sterdam but considered Peter Stuyvesant as a tower of strength, and rested satisfied that the public welfare was secure so long as he was in the city. It is not surprising, then, that they looked upon his departure as a sore affliction. With heavy hearts they draggled at the heels of his troop, as they marched down to the river- side to embark. The governor, from the stem of his schooner, gave a short but truly patri- archal address to his citizens, wherein he rec- ommended them to comport like loyal and peaceable subjects, — to go to church regularly on Sundays, and to mind their business all the week besides. That the women should be duti- ful and aflfectionate to their husbands, — looking after nobody's concerns but their own, — eschew- ing all gossipiugs and morning gaddings, — and carrying short tongues and long petticoats. That the men should abstain from intermeddling in public concerns, intrusting the cares of gov- ernment to the officers appointed to support them, — staying at home, like good citizens, making money for themselves, and getting ^be (3overnor*6 BDDrcss 177 children for the benefit of their country. That the burgomasters should look well to the public interest, — not oppressing the poor nor indulging the rich, — not tasking their ingenuity to devise new laws, but faithfully enforcing those which were already made, — rather bending their atten- tion to prevent evil than to punish it ; ever rec- ollecting that civil magistrates should consider themselves more as guardians of public morals than rat-catchers employed to entrap public delinquents. Finally, he exhorted them, one and all, high and low, rich and poor, to conduct themselves as well as they could^ assuring them that if they faithfully and conscientiously com- plied with his golden rule, there was no danger but that they would all conduct themselves well enough. This done, he gave them a paternal benediction, the sturdy Antony sounded a most loving farewell with his trumpet, the jolly crews put up a shout of triumph, and the in\dncible armada swept oflf proudly down the bay. The good people of New Amsterdam crowded down to the Battery, — that blest resort, from whence so many a tender prayer has been wafted, so many a fair hand waved, so many a tearful look been cast by lovesick damsel, after the lessening bark bearing her adventm-ous swain to distant climes ! Here the populace watched with straining eyes the gallant squad- 178 Ibistorg of nacw l^orft ron, as it slowly floated down the bay, and when the intervening land at the Narrows shut it from their sight, gradually dispersed with silent tongues and downcast countenances. A heavy gloom hung over the late bustling city : the honest burghers smoked their pipes in profound thoughtfulness, casting many a wist- ful look to the weathercock on the church of St. Nicholas ; and all the old women, having no longer the presence of Peter Stuyvesant to hearten them, gathered their children home, and barricaded the doors and windows every evening at sundown. In the meanwhile the armada of the sturdy Peter proceeded prosperously on its voyage ; and after encountering about as many storms, and water-spouts, and whales, and other horrors and phenomena as generally befall adventurous landsmen in perilous voyages of the kind, and after undergoing a severe scouring from that deplorable and unpitied malady called seasick- ness, the whole squadron arrived safely in the Delaware. Without so much as dropping anchor and giving his wearied ships time to breathe, after laboring so long on the ocean, the intrepid Peter pursued his course up the Delaware, and made a sudden appearance before FortCasimir. Having summoned the astonished garrison by a XLbc Btm(6tlce IRcjecteD 179 terrific blast from the trumpet of the long- winded Van Corlear, he demanded, in a tone of thunder, an instant surrender of the fort. To this demand, Suen Skytte, the wind-dried com- mandant, replied, in a shrill, whiffling voice, which, by reason of his extreme spareness, sounded like the wind whistling through a broken bellows, that he had no very strong reason for refusing, except that the demand was particularly disagreeable, as he had been ordered to maintain his post to the last extremity. He requested time, therefore, to consult with Gov- ernor Risingh, and proposed a truce for that purpose. The choleric Peter, indignant at having his rightful fort so treacherously taken from him, and thus pertinaciously withheld, refused the proposed armistice, and swore by the pipe of St. Nicholas, which, like the sacred fire, was never extinguished, that unless the fort were surrendered in ten minutes, he would incon- tinently storm the works, make all the garrison run the gauntlet, and split their scoundrel of a commander like a pickled shad. To give this menace the greater effect, he drew forth his trusty sword, and shook it at them with such a fierce and vigorous motion, that doubtless, if it had not been exceeding rusty, it would have lightened terror into the eyes and hearts of the i8o 1bl6tor^ ot IRcvv l^orft enemy. He then ordered his men to bring a broadside to bear upon the fort, consisting of two swivels, three muskets, a long duck fowling- piece, and two brace of horse-pistols. In the meantime the sturdy Van Corlear mar- shalled all the forces, and commenced his war- like operations. Distending his cheeks like a very Boreas, he kept up a most horrific twang- ing of his trumpet, — the lusty choristers of Sing-Sing broke forth into a hideous song of battle, — the warriors of Breuckelen and the Wallabout blew a potent and astonishing blast on their conch shells, — altogether forming as outrageous a concerto as though five thousand French fiddlers were displaying their skill in a modern overture. Whether the formidable front of war thus suddenly presented smote the garrison with sore dismay, — or whether the concluding terms of the summons, which mentioned that he should surrender "at discretion," were mistaken by Suen Skytte, who, though a Swede, was a very considerate, easy-tempered man, as a compli- ment to his discretion, I will not take upon me to say ; certain it is he found it impossible to resist so courteous a demand. Accordingly, in the very nick of time, just as the cabin-boy had gone after a coal of fire to discharge the swivel, a chamade was beat on the rampart by Surrender of tbc ffoit iSi the only drum in the garrison, to the no small satisfaction of both parties, who, notwithstand- ing their great stomach for fighting, had full as good an inclination to eat a quiet dinner as to exchange black eyes and bloody noses. Thus did this impregnable fortress once more return to the domination of their High Mighti- nesses. Skytte and his garrison of twenty men were allowed to march out with the honors of war ; and the victorious Peter, who was as gen- erous as brave, permitted them to keep posses- sion of all their arms and ammunition, — the same on inspection being found totally unfit for service, having long rusted in the magazine of the fortress, even before it was wrested by the Swedes from the windy Van Poffenburgh, But I must not omit to mention that the governor was so well pleased with the service of his faith- ful squire, Van Corlear, in the reduction of this great fortress, that he made him on the spot lord of a goodly domain in the vicinity of New Amsterdam, — which goes by the name of Cor- lear's Hook unto this very day. The unexampled liberality of Peter Stuyve- sant towards the Swedes, occasioned great sur- prise in the city of New Amsterdam, — nay, cer- tain factious iudix-iduals, w^ho had been enlight- ened by political meetings in the days of William the Testy, but who had not dared to indulge i82 Ibiators ot IRcw l^ork their meddlesome habits under the eye of their present ruler, now, emboldened by his absence, gave vent to their censures in the street. Mur- murs were heard in the very council-chamber of New Amsterdam ; and there is no knowing whether they might not have broken out into downright speeches and invectives, had not Peter Stuyvesant privately sent home his walk- ing-staff, to be laid as a mace on the table of the council-chamber, in the midst of his council- lors ; who, like wise men, took the hint, and forever after held their peace. CHAPTER VII. SHOWING THE GREAT ADVANTAGE THAT THE AUTHOR HAS OVER HIS READER IN TIME OF BATTI^E — TOGETHER WITH DIVERS PORTEN- TOUS MOVEMENTS, WHICH BETOKEN THAT SOMETHING TERRIBLE IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN. LIKE as a mighty alderman, when at a cor- poration feast the first spoonful of turtle- soup salutes his palate, feels his appetite but tenfold quickened, and redoubles his vigorous attacks upon the tureen, while his projecting eyes roll greedily round, devouring every thing at table, so did the mettlesome Peter Stuy vesant feel that hunger for martial glory, which raged within his bowels, inflamed by the capture of Fort Casimir, and nothing could allay it but the conquest of all New Sweden. No sooner, there- fore, had he secured his conquest than he stumped resolutely on, flushed with success, to gather fresh laurels at Fort Christina.* *At present a flourishing town, called Christiana, or Chrifiteen, about thirty-seven miles from Philadelphia, on the post-road to Baltimore. i84 Ibistorg ot Bew lorfi This was the grand Swedish post, established on a small river (or, as it is improperly termed, creek) of the same name : and here that crafty- governor, Jan Risingh, lay grimly drawn up, like a gray-bearded spider in the citadel of his web. But before we hurry into the direful scenes which must attend the meeting of two such po- tent chieftains, it is advisable to pause for a moment, and hold a kind of warlike council. Battles should not be rushed into precipitately by the historian and his readers, any more than by the general and his soldiers. The great commanders of antiquity never engaged the enemy without previously preparing the minds of their followers by animating harangues, spir- iting them up to heroic deeds, assuring them of the protection of the gods, and inspiring them with a confidence of the prowess of their leaders. So the historian should awaken the attention and enlist the passions of his readers ; and hav- ing set them all on fire with the importance of his subject, he should put himself at their head, flourish his pen, and lead them on to the thick- est of the fight. An illustrious example of this rule may be seen in that mirror of historians, the immortal Thucydides. Having arrived at the breaking out of the Peloponnesian war, one of his com- mentators observes that " he sounds the charge BDvanta^e of tbe Ibistorian 185 in all the disposition and spirit of Homer. He catalogues tbe allies on both sides. He awak- ens our expectations, and fast engages our atten- tion. All mankind are concerned in the im- portant point now going to be decided. En- deavors are made to disclose futurity. Heaven itself is interested in the dispute. The earth totters, and nature seems to labor with the great event. This is his solemn, sublime manner of setting out. Thus he magnifies a war between two, as Rapin styles them, petty states ; and thus artfully he supports a little subject by treating it in a great and noble method." In like manner, having conducted my readers into the very teeth of peril, — having followed the adventurous Peter and his band into foreign regions, surrounded by foes, and stunned by the horrid din of arms, — at this important moment, while darkness and doubt hang o'er each coming chapter, I hold it meet to harangue them, and prepare them for the events that are to follow. And here I would premise one great advan- tage which, as historian, I possess over my reader ; and this it is, that, though I cannot save the life of my favorite hero, nor absolutely con- tradict the event of a battle (both which liber- ties, though often taken by the French writers of the present reign, I hold to be utterly un- worthy of a scrupulous historian), yet I can now i86 Iblstors of IFlew l^orft .and tlien make him bestow on his enemy a sturdy back-stroke sufficient to fell a giant, — though, in honest truth, he may never have done any thing of the kind ; or I can drive his antagonist clear round and round the field, as did Homer make that fine fellow Hector scamper like a poltroon round the walls of Troy ; for which, if ever they have encountered one an- other in the Elysian fields, I '11 warrant the prince of poets has had to make the most hum- ble apology. I am aware that many conscientious readers will be ready to cry out "foul play ! " whenever I render a little assistance to my hero, but I consider it one of those privileges exercised by historians of all ages, and one which has never been disputed. An historian is, in fact, as it were, bound in honor to stand by his hero ; the fame of the latter is entrusted to his hands, and it is his duty to do the best by it he can. Never was there a general, an admiral, or any other commander, who, in giving account of any battle he had fought, did not sorely belabor the enemy ; and I have no doubt that had my heroes written the history of their own achievements, they would have dealt much harder blows than any that I shall recount. Standing forth, there- fore, as the guardian of their fame, it behooves me to do them the same justice they would have ^expectation J6jcite& 187 done themselves ; and if I happen to be a little hard upon the Swedes, I give free leave to any of their descendants, who may write a story of the State of Delaware, to take fair retaliation, and belabor Peter Stuyvesant as hard as they please. Therefore stand by for broken heads and bloody noses ! My pen hath long itched for a battle ; siege after siege have I carried on with- out blows or bloodshed ; but now I have at length got a chance, and I vow to Heaven and St. Nicholas, that let tlie chronicles of the times say what they please, neither Sallust, Livy, Tacitus, Polybius, nor any other historian, did ever record a fiercer fight than that in which my valiant chieftains are now about to engage. And you, O most excellent readers, whom, for your faithful adherence, I could cherish in the warmest comer of my heart, be not uneasy, — trust the fate of our favorite Stuyvesant with me, for by the rood, come what may, I '11 stick by Hardkoppig Piet to the last. I '11 make him drive about these losels vile, as did the renowned Launcelot of the Lake a herd of recreant Cor- nish knights ; and if he does fall, let me never draw my pen to fight another battle in behalf of a brave man, if I don't make these lubberly Swedes pay for it ! No sooner had Peter Stuyvesant arrived at i88 1b(0tori2 of 1Rcw l^orft Fort Christina, than he proceeded without delay to intrench himself, and immediately on run- ning his first parallel, dispatched Antony Van Corlear to summon the fortress to surrender. Van Corlear was received with all due formality, hoodwinked at the portal, and conducted through a pestiferous smell of salt fish and onions to the citadel, a substantial hut built of pine logs. His eyes were here uncovered, and he found himself in the august presence of Governor Risingh. This chieftain, as I have before noted, was a very giantly man, and was clad in a coarse blue coat, strapped round the waist with a leathern belt, which caused the enormous skirts and pockets to set off with a very warlike sweep. His ponderous legs were cased in a pair of foxy-colored jack-boots, and he was straddling in the attitude of the Colossus of Rhodes before a bit of broken looking-glass, shaving himself with a villainously dull razor. This afflicting operation caused him to make a series of horrible grimaces, which heightened exceedingly the grisly terrors of his visage. On Antony Van Corlear's being announced, the grim commander paused for a moment in the midst of one of his most hard-favored contor- tions, and after eying him askance over the shoulder, with a kind of snarling grin on his countenance, resumed his labors at the glass. Visingb'e Defiance 1B9 This Iron harvest being reaped, he turned once more to the trumpeter, and demanded the pur- port of his errand. Antony Van Corlear de- livered in a few words, being a kind of short-hand speaker, a long message from his Excellency, recounting the whole history of the province, with a recapitulation of grievances, and enu- meration of claims, and concluding with a peremptory demand of instant surrender ; which done, he turned aside, took his nose between his thumb and fingers and blew a tremendous blast, not unlike the flourish of a trumpet of defiance, — which it had doubtless learned from a long and intimate neighborhood with that melodious instrument Governor Risingh heard him through, trump- et and all, but with infinite impatience, — leaning at times, as was his usual custom, on the pommel of his sword, and at times twirling a huge steel watch-chain, or snapping his fingers. Van Cor- lear having finished, he bluntly replied that Peter Stuyvesant and his summons might go to the d — 1, whither he hoped to send him and his crew of ragamufl&ns before supper-time. Then unsheathing his brass-hilted sword, and throw- ing away the scabbard, — '* 'Fore gad," quod he, " but I will not sheath thee again until I make a scabbard of the smoke-dried leathern hide of this runagate Dutchman." Then having flung igo l)i0tor^ of Bew l^ork a fierce defiance in the teeth of his adversary by "the lips of his messenger, the latter was recon- ducted to the portal with all the ceremonious civility due to the trumpeter, squire, and am- bassador of so great a commander ; and being again unblinded, was courteously dismissed with a tweak of the nose, to assist him in recollecting his message. No sooner did the gallant Peter receive this insolent reply than he let fly a tremendous vol- ley of red-hot execrations, which would infal- libly have battered down the fortifications, and blown up the powder-magazine about the ears of the fiery Swede, had not the ramparts been re- markably strong, and the magazine bomb-proof. Perceiving that the works withstood this terrific blast, and that it was utterly impossible (as it really was in those unphilosophic days) to cany- on a war with words, he ordered his merry men all to prepare for an immediate assault. But here a strange murmur broke out among his troops, beginning with the tribe of the Van Bummels, those valiant trenchermen of the Bronx, and spreading from man to man, accom- panied with certain mutinous looks and discon- tented murmurs. For once in his life, and only for once, did the great Peter turn pale, for he verily thought his warriors were going to falter in this hour of perilous trial, and thus to tarnish i ^be Brmg Bines 191 forever the fame of the province of New Nether- lands. But soon did he discover, to his great joy, that in his suspicion he deeply wronged his most undaunted army ; for the cause of his agitation and uneasiness simply was, that the hour of dinner was at hand, and it would have almost broken the hearts of these regular Dutch war- riors to have broken in upon the invariable rou- tine of their habits. Besides, it was an estab- lished rule among our ancestors always to fight upon a full stomach ; and to this may be doubt- less attributed the circumstance that they came to be so renowed in arms. And now are the hearty men of the Manhat- toes, and their no less hearty comrades, all lustily engaged under the trees, buffeting stoutly with the contents of their wallets, and taking such affectionate embraces of their canteens and pottles, as though they verily believed they were to be the last. And as I foresee we shall have hot work in a page or two, I advise my readers to do the same, for which purpose I will bring this chapter to a close, — giving them my word of honor, that no advantage shall be taken of this armistice to surprise, or in any wise molest, the honest Nederlanders while at their vigor- ous repast. CHAPTER VIII. CONTArNING THE MOST HORRIBI.E BATTLE EVER RECORDED IN POETRY OR PROSE ; WITH THE ADMIRABI^E EXPI.OITS OE PETER THE HEAD- STRONG. " "j\ TOW had the Dutchmen snatched a huge 1 N repast," and finding themselves wonder- fully encouraged and animated thereby, prepared to take the field. Expectation, says the writer oftheStuyvesant manuscript, — Expectation now stood on stilts. The world forgot to turn round, or rather stood still, that it might witness the afiray, — like a round-bellied alderman, watch- ing the combat of two chivalrous flies upon his jerkin. The eyes of all mankind, as usual in such cases, were turned upon Fort Christina. The sun, like a little man in a crowd at a pup- pet-show, scampered about the heavens, popping his head here and there, and endeavoring to get a peep between the unmannerly clouds that ^arsbalUng tbe (3oDi3 193 obtruded themselves in his way. The histori- ans filled their ink-horns ; the poets went with- out their dinners, either that they might buy paper and goose-quills, or because they could not get any thing to eat. Antiquity scowled sulkily out of its grave, to see itself outdone, — while even Posterity stood mute, gazing in gap- ing ecstasy of retrospection on the eventful field. The immortal deities, who whilom had seen service at the ' * affair ' ' of Troy, now mounted their feather-bed clouds, and sailed over the plain, or mingled among the combatants in difierent disguises, all itching to have a finger in the pie. Jupiter sent off his thunderbolt to a noted coppersmith, to have it furbished up for the direful occasion. Venus vowed by her chastity to patronize the Swedes, and in sem- blance of a blear-eyed trull paraded the battle- ments of Fort Christina, accompanied by Diana, as a sergeant's widow, of cracked reputation. The noted bully, ;RIars, stuck two horse-pistols into his belt, shouldered a rusty fire-lock, and gallantly swaggered at their elbow, as a drunken corporal, — while Apollo trudged in their rear, as a bandy-legged fifer, playing most villainously out of tune. On the other side, the ox-eyed Juno, who had gained a pair of black ej-es overnight, in one of 194 1bistori2 of IRew lorK her curtain-lectures with old Jupiter, displayed her haughty beauties on a baggage-wagon ; Mi- nerva, as a brawny gin-suttler, tucked up her skirts, brandished her fists, and swore most heroically, in exceeding bad Dutch (having but lately studied the language), by way of keeping up the spirits of the soldiers ; while Vulcan halted as a club-footed blacksmith, lately pro* moted to be a captain of militia. All was silent awe, or bustling preparation : war reared his horrid front, gnashed loud his iron fangs, and shook his direful crest of bristling bayonets. And now the mighty chieftains marshalled out their hosts. Here stood stout Risingh, firm as a thousand rocks, — incrusted with stockades, and intrenched to the chin in mud batteries. His valiant soldiery lined the breastwork in grim array, each having his mustachios fiercely greased, and his hair pomatumed back, and queued so stifl&y, that he grinned above the ramparts like a grisly death's head. There came on the intrepid Peter, — his brows knit, his teeth set, his fists clenched, almost breathing forth volumes of smoke, so fierce was the fire that raged within his bosom. His faith- ful Squire Van Corlear trudged valiantly at his heels with his trumpet gorgeously bedecked with red and yellow ribbons, the remembrances of his fair mistresses at the Manhattoes. Then XLbc IRoU of Ibonor 195 came waddling on the sturdy chivalry of the Hudson. There were the Van Wycks, and the Van Dycks, and the Ten Kycks ; the Van Nesses, the Van Tassels, the Van Grolls, the Van Hoesens, the Van Giesons, and the Van Blarcoms ; the Van Warts, the Van Winkles, the Van Dams, the Van Pelts, the Van Rippers, and the Van Brunts. There were the Van Homes, the Van Hooks, the Van Bunschotens, the Van Gelders, the Van Arsdales, and the Van Bum- mels, the Vander Belts, the Vander Hoofs, the Vander Voorts, the Vander Lyns, the Vander Pools, and the Vander Spiegles ; then came the Hoffmans, the Hooghlands, the Hoppers, the Cloppers, the Ryckmans, the Dyckmans, the Hogebooms, the Rosebooms, the Oothouts, the Quackenbosses, the Roerbacks, the Garre- brantzes, the Bensons, the Brouwers, the Wal- drons, the Onderdonks, the Varra Vangers, the Schermerhoms, the Stoutenburghs, the Brinker- hoflfs, the Bontecous, the Knickerbockers, the Hockstrassers, the Ten Breecheses, and the Tough Breecheses, with a host more of worthies whose names are too crabbed to be written, or if they could be written it would be impossible for man to utter,— all fortified with a mighty dinner, and, to use the words of a great Dutch poet, " Brimful of wrath and cabbage." 196 1bi6tors ot IFlew lorft For an instant the mighty Peter paused in the midst of his career, and, mounting on a stump, addressed his troops in eloquent Low Dutch, exhorting them to fight like duyvels^ and assuring them that if they conquered they should get plenty of booty ; if they fell, they should be allowed the satisfaction, while dying, of reflecting that it was in the service of their country, and, after they were dead, of seeing their names inscribed in the temple of renown, and handed down, in company with all the other great men of the year, for the admiration of posterity. Finally, he swore to them, on the word of a governor (and they knew him too well to doubt it for a moment), that if he caught any mother's son of them looking pale, or playing craven, he would curry his hide till he made him run out of it like a snake in spring-time. Then lugging out his trusty sabre, he bran- dished it three times over his head, ordered Van Corlear to sound a charge, and shouting the words "St. Nicholas and the Mauhattoes ! " courageously dashed forwards. His warlike followers, who had employed the interval in lighting their pipes, instantly stuck them into their mouths, gave a furious puff, and charged gallantly under cover of the smoke. The Swedish garrison, ordered by the cun- ning Risiugh not to fire until they could distin- ^be JBattle ©pene& 197 guish the whites of their assailants' eyes, stood in horrid silence on the covert-way until the eager Dutchmen had ascended the glacis. Then did they pour into them such a tremendous vol- ley that the very hills quaked around, and were terrified even unto an incontinence of water, in- somuch that certain springs burst forth from their sides, which continue to run unto the present day. Not a Dutchman but would have bitten the dust beneath that dreadful fire, had not the protecting Miner\^a kindly taken care that the Swedes should, one and all, observe their usual custom of shutting their eyes and turning away their heads at the moment of discharge. The Swedes followed up their fire by leaping the counterscarp, and falling tooth and nail upon the foe with furious outcries. And now might be seen prodigies of valor, unmatched in history or song. Here was the sturdy Stoffel Brinkerhoff brandishing his quarter-staflf, like the giant Blanderon his oak tree (for he scorned to carry any other weapon), and drumming a horrific tune upon the hard heads of the Swed- ish soldiery. There were the Van Kortlandts, posted at a distance, like the Locrian archers of yore, and plying it most potently with the long- bow, for which they were so justly renowned. On a rising knoll were gathered the valiant men of Sing-Sing, assisting marvellously in the fight igS Ibistor^ ot IRew ll)orh ,by clianting the great song of St. Nicholas ; but as to the Gardeniers, of Hudson, they were ab- sent on a marauding party, laying waste the neighboring watermelon patches. In a different part of the field were the Van Grolls of Antony's Nose, struggling to get to the thickest of the fight, but horribly perplexed in a defile between two hills by reason of the length of their noses. So also the Van Bun- schotens of Nyack and Kakiat, so renowned for kicking with the left foot, were brought to a stand for want of wind, in consequence of the hearty dinner they had eaten, and would have been put to utter rout but for the arrival of a gallant corps of voltigeurs, composed of the Hoppers, who advanced nimbly to their assist- ance on one foot. Nor must I omit to mention the valiant achievements of Antony Van Cor- lear, who, for a good quarter of an hour, waged stubborn fight with a little pursy Swedish drum- mer, whose hide he drummed most magnifi- cently, and whom he would infallibly have an- nihilated on the spot, but that he had come into the battle vnth no other weapon but his trumpet. But now the combat thickened. On came the mighty Jacobus Varra Vauger and the fighting- men of the Wallabout ; after them thundered the Van Pelts of Ksopus, together with the Van % Desperate Struggle 199 Rippers and the Van Brunts, bearing down all before them ; then the Suy Dams, and the Van Dams, pressing forward with many a blustering oath, at the head of the warriors of Hell-gate, clad in their thunder-and-lightning gaberdines ; and. lastly, the standard-bearers and body-guard of Peter Stuyvesant, bearing the great beaver of the Manhattoes. And now commenced the horrid din, the des- perate struggle, the maddening ferocity, the frantic desperation, the confusion and self- abandonment of war. Dutchman and Swede commingled, tugged, panted, and blowed. The heavens were darkened with a tempest of mis- sives. Bang ! went the guns ; whack ! went the broad-swords ; thump ! went the cudgels ; crash ! went the musket-stocks : blows, kicks, cuffs, scratches, black eyes, and bloody noses swelling the horrors of the scene ! Thick thwack, cut and hack, helter-skelter, higgledy- piggledy, hurly-burly, head-over-heels, rough- and-tumble ! Dunder and blixun ! swore the Dutchmen ; splitter and splutter ! cried the Swedes. Storm the w orks ! shouted Hardkop- pig Peter. Fire the mine ! roared stout Risingh. Tanta-rar-ra-ra ! twanged the trumpet of Antony Van Corlear ; — until all voice and sound became unintelligible, — grunts of pain, yells of fury, and shouts of triumph mingling in one hideous 200 1bl6tor^ of Bew lork clamor. The earth shook as if struck with a paralytic stroke ; trees shrunk aghast, and withered at the sight ; rocks burrowed in the ground like rabbits ; and even Christina creek turned from its course, and ran up a hill in breathless terror ! I^ong hung the contest doubtful ; for though a heavy shower of rain, sent by the "cloud- compelling Jove," in some measure cooled their ardor, as doth a bucket of water thrown on a group of fighting mastiffs, yet did they but pause for a moment, to return with tenfold fury to the charge. Just at this juncture a vast and dense column of smoke was seen slowly rolling toward the scene of battle. The combatants paused for a moment, gazing in mute astonish- ment, until the wind, dispelling the murky cloud, revealed the flaunting banner of Michael Paw, the Patroon of Communipaw. That valiant chieftain came fearlessly on at the head of a phalanx of oyster-fed Pavonians and a corps de reserve of the Van Arsdales and Van Bummels, who had remained behind to digest the enor- mous dinner they had eaten. These now trudged manfully forward, smoking their pipes with outrageous vigor, so as to raise the awful cloud that has been mentioned, but marching exceedingly slow, being short of leg, and of great rotundity in the belt. panic ot tbe Dutcb 201 Aud now the deities who watched over the fortunes of the Nederlanders having unthink- ingly left the field, and stepped into a neighbor- ing tavern to refresh themselves with a pot of beer, a direful catastrophe had wellnigh ensued. Scarce had the myrmidons of Michael Paw attained the front of battle, when the Swedes, instructed by the cunning Risingh, levelled a shower of blows full at their tobacco-pipes. Astounded at this assault, and dismayed at the havoc of their pipes, these ponderous warriors gave w^ay, and like a drove of frightened ele- phants broke through the ranks of their own army. The little Hoppers were borne down in the surge ; the sacred banner emblazoned with the gigantic oyster of Communipaw was tram- pled in the dirt ; on blundered and thundered the hea^'7-stemed fugitives, the Swedes pressing on their rear and applying their feet a parte poste of the Van Arsdales and the Van Bummels with a vigor that prodigiously accelerated their movements ; nor did the renowned Michael Paw himself fail to receive divers grievous and dishonorable visitations of shoe-leather. But what, O Muse ! was the rage of Peter Stuyvesant, when from afar he saw his army giving way ! In the transports of his wrath he sent forth a roar, enough to shake the very hills. The men of the Manhattoes plucked up 202 1bi6tors of IWew l^orfe new courage at the sound, or, rather, they rallied at the voice of their leader, of whom they stood more in awe than of all the Swedes in Christendom. "Without waiting for their aid, the daring Peter dashed, sword in hand, into the thickest of the foe. Then might be seen achievements worthy of the days of the giants. Wherever he went, the enemy shrank before him ; the Swedes fled to right and left, or were driven, like dogs, into their own ditch ; but as he pushed forward singly with headlong courage, the foe closed behind and hung upon his rear. One aimed a blow full at his heart ; but the protecting power which watches over the great and good turned aside the hostile blade and directed it into a side-pocket, where reposed an enormous iron tobacco-box, en- dowed, like the shield of Achilles, with super- natural powers, doubtless from bearing the portrait of the blessed St. Nicholas. Peter Stuyvesant turned like an angry bear upon the foe, and seizing him as he fled, by an immeas- urable queue, * ' Ah, whoreson caterpillar, ' ' roared he, "here 's what shall make worms' meat of thee ! " So saying, he whirled his sword, and dealt a blow that would have decapi- tated the varlet, but that the pitying steel struck short and shaved the queue forever from his crown. At this moment au arquebusier, levelled IRival "fcerocs 203 his piece from a neighboring mound, with dead- ly aim ; but the watchful Minerva, who had just stopped to tie up her garter, seeing the peril of her favorite hero, sent old Boreas with his bel- lows, who, as the match descended to the pan, gave a blast that blew the priming from the touchhole. Thus waged the fight, when the stout Risingh, survej'ing the field from the top of a little rave- lin, perceived his troops banged, beaten, and kicked by the invincible Peter. Drawing his falchion and uttering a thousand anathemas, he strode down to the scene of combat with some such thundering strides as Jupiter is said by Hesiod to have taken when he strode down the spheres to hurl his thunder-bolts at the Titans. When the rival heroes came face to face, each made a prodigious start in the style of a veteran stage-champion. Then did they regard each other for a moment with the bitter aspect of two furious ram-cats on the point of a clapper- clawing. Then did they throw themselves into one attitude, then into another, striking their swords on the ground, first on the right side, then on the left ; at last at it they went, with incredible ferocity. Words cannot tell the prodigies of strength and valor displayed in this direful encounter, — an encounter compared to which the far-famed battles of Ajax with 204 Distort of mew l^ork Hector, of ^neas with Tumus, Orlando with Rodomont, Guy of Warwick with Colbrand the Dane, or of that renowned Welsh knight, Sir Owen of the Mountains, with the giant Guylon, were all gentle sports and holiday recreations. At length the valiant Peter, watching his op- portunity, aimed a blow, enough to cleave his adversary to the very chine ; but Risingh, nimbly raising his sword, warded it oflf so nar- rowly, that, glancing on one side, it shaved away a huge canteen in which he carried his liquor, — thence pursuing its trenchant course, it severed off a deep coat-pocket, stored with bread and cheese, — which provant rolling among the armies, occasioned a fearful scrambling be- tween the Swedes and Dutchmen, and made the general battle to wax more furious than ever. Enraged to see his military stores laid waste, the stout Risingh, collecting all his forces, aimed a mighty blow full at the hero's crest. In vain did his fierce little cocked hat oppose its course. The biting steel clove through the stubborn ram beaver, and would have cracked the crown of any one not endowed with supernatural hard- ness of head ; but the brittle weapon shivered in pieces on the skull of Hardkoppig Piet, shedding a thousand sparks like beams of glory, round his grisly visage. The good Peter reeled with the blow, and 3faU ot tbc Cbicttalns 205 turning up his eyes beheld a thousand suns, be- sides moons and stars, dancing about the firma- ment ; at length, missing his footing, by reason of his wooden leg, down he came on his seat of honor with a crash which shook the surrounding hills, and might have wrecked his frame, had he not been received into a cushion softer than velvet, which Providence, or Minerv^a, or St. Nicholas, or some cow, had benevolently pre- pared for his reception. The furious Risingh, in despite of the maxim, cherished by all true knights, that ' ' fair play is a jewel," hastened to take advantage of the hero's fall ; but, as he stooped to give a fatal blow, Peter Stuyvesant dealt him a thwack over the sconce with his wooden leg, which set a chime of bells ringing triple bob-majors in his cerebellum. The bewildered Swede staggered with the blow, and the wary Peter seizing a pocket-pistol, which lay hard by, discharged it full at the head of the reeling Risingh. Let not my reader mistake ; it was not a murderous weapon loaded with powder and ball, but a little sturdy stone pottle charged to the muzzle with a double dram of true Dutch courage, which the knowing Antony Van Corlear carried about him by way of replenishing his valor, and which had dropped from his wallet during his furious en- counter with the drummer. The hideous weapon 2o6 1bi0tors ot Bcw l^orft sang througli the air, and true to its course as was the fragment of a rock discharged at Hector by bully Ajax, encountered the head of the gigantic Swede with matchless violence. This heaven-directed blow decided the battle. The ponderous pericranium of General Jan Risingh sank upon his breast ; his knees tottered under him ; a death-like torpor seized upon his frame, and he tumbled to the earth with such violence, that old Pluto started with affright, lest he should have broken through the roof of his infernal palace. His fall was the signal of defeat and victory ; the Swedes gave way, the Dutch pressed for- ward ; the former took to their heels, the latter hotly pursued. Some entered with them, pell- mell, through the sally-port ; others stormed the bastion, and others scrambled over the curtain. Thus in a little while the fortress of Fort Chris- tina, which, like another Troy, had stood a siege of full ten hours, was carried by assault, without the loss of a single man on either side. Victory, in the likeness of a gigantic oxfly, sat perched upon the cocked hat of the gallant Stuyvesant ; and it was declared, by all the writers whom he hired to write the history of his expedition, that on this memorable day he gained a suffi- cient quantity of glory to immortalize a dozen of the greatest heroes in Christendom ! CHAPTER IX. IN WHICH THE AUTHOR AND THE READER, WHII,E REPOSING AFTER THE BATTI^E, FAI^I, INTO A VERY GRAVE DISCOURSE— AFTER WHICH IS RECORDED THE CONDUCT OF PETER STUYVESANT AFTER HIS VICTORY. THANKS to St. Nicholas, we have safely finished this tremendous battle ; let us sit down, my worthy reader, and cool ourselves, for I am in a prodigious sweat and agitation ; truly this fighting of battles is hot work ! and if your great commanders did but know what trouble they give their historians, they would not have the conscience to achieve so many horrible victories. But methinks I hear my reader com- plain, that throughout this boasted battle there is not the least slaughter, nor a single individual maimed, if we except the unhappy Swede, who was shorn of his queue by the trenchant blade of Peter Stuyvesant ; all which, he observes, is a great outrage on probability, and highly in- jurious to the interest of the narration. 2o8 t>i6tov^ Of Bcw ISovft This is certainly an objection of no little mo- ment, but it arises entirely from the obscurity enveloping the remote periods of time about which I have undertaken to write. Thus, though doubtless, from the importance of the object and the prowess of the parties concerned, there must have been terrible carnage, and prodigies of valor displayed before the walls of Christina, yet, notwithstanding that I have consulted every history, manuscript, and tradition, touching this memorable though long-forgotten battle, I cannot find mention made of a single man killed or wounded in the whole affair. This is, without doubt, owing to the extreme modesty of our forefathers, who, unlike their descendants, were never prone to vaunt of their achievements ; but it is a virtue which places their historian in a most embarrassing predica- ment ; for, having promised my readers a hideous and unparalleled battle, and having worked them up into a warlike and blood- thirsty state of mind, to put them oif without any havoc and slaughter would have been as bitter a disappointment as to summon a multi- tude of good people to attend an execution, and then cruelly balk them by a reprieve. Plad the fates only allowed me some half a score of dead men, I had been content ; for I would have made them such heroes as abound- Zbc JSlooDlcse :©attlc 209 ed in the olden time, but whose race is now unfortunately extinct, — any one of whom, if we may believe those authentic writers, the poets, could drive great armies, like sheep, before him, and conquer and desolate whole cities by his single arm. But seeing that I had not a single life at my disposal, all that was left me was to make the most I could of my battle, by means of kicks, and cufifs, and bruises, and such like ignoble wounds. And here I cannot but compare my dilemma, in some sort, to that of the divine Milton, who, having arrayed with sublime preparation his immortal hosts against each other, is sadly put to it how to manage them, and how he shall make the end of his battle answer to the beginning, inasmuch as, being mere spirits, he cannot deal a mortal blow, nor even give a flesh wound to any of his comba- tants. For my part, the greatest difficulty I found was, when I had once put my warriors in a passion, and let them loose into the midst of the enemy, to keep them from doing mis- chief. Many a time had I to restrain the sturdy Peter from cleaving a gigantic Swede to the very waistband, or spitting hall a dozen little fellows on his sword, like so many sparrows, and when I had set some hundred of missives flying it_ the air, I did not dare to suffer one of 2IO 1bi6tors of Bew l^orft them to reach, the ground, lest it should have put an end to some unlucky Dutchman. The reader cannot conceive how mortifying it is to a writer thus in a manner to have his hands tied, and how many tempting opportuni- ties I had to wink at, where I might have made as fine a death-blow as any recorded in history or song. From my own experience I begin to doubt most potently of the authenticity of many of Homer's stories. I verily believe that, when he had once launched one of his favorite heroes among a crowd of the enemy, he cut down many an honest fellow, without any authority for so doing, excepting that he presented a fair mark, — and that often a poor fellow was sent to grim Pluto's domains, merely because he had a name that would give a sounding turn to a period. But I disclaim all such unprincipled liberties ; let me but have truth and the law on my side, and no man would fight harder than myself; but since the various records I con- sulted did not warrant it, I had too much conscience to kill a single soldier. By St. Nicholas, but it would have been a pretty piece of business ! My enemies, the critics, who I foresee will be ready enough to lay any crime they can discover at my door, might have charged me with murder outright, and I should Butbor'5 IReflectlons 211 have esteemed myself lucky to escape "with no harsher verdict than manslaughter ! And now, gentle reader, that we are tranquil- ly sitting down here, smoking our pipes, permit me to indulge in a melancholy reflection which at this moment passes across my mind. How vain, how fleeting, how uncertain are all those gaudy bubbles after which we are panting and toiling in this world of fair delusions. The wealth which the miser has amassed with so many weary days, so many sleepless nights, a spendthrift here may squander away in joyless prodigality ; the noblest monuments which pride has ever reared to perpetuate a name, the hand of time will shortly tumble into ruins ; and even the brightest laurels, gained by feats of arms, may wither, and be forever blighted by the chilling neglect of mankind. ** How many illustrious heroes," says the good Boe- tius, "who were once the pride and glory of the age, hath the silence of historians buried in eternal oblivion ! " And this it was that in- duced the Spartans, when they went to battle, solemnly to sacrifice to the Muses, supplicating that their achievements might be worthily re- corded. Had not Homer tuned his lofty lyre, observes the elegant Cicero, the valor of Achil- les had remained unsung. And such, too, after all the toils and perils he had braved, after all 212 Ibfstor^ of IRew l^orft the gallant actions he had achieved, such, too, had nearly been the fate of the chivalric Peter Stujrvesant, but that I fortunately stepped in and engraved his name on the indelible tablet of history, just as the caitiff Time was silently brushing it away forever ! The more I reflect the more I am astonished at the important character of the historian. Ke is the sovereign censor to decide upon the re- nown or infamy of his fellow-men. He is the patron of kings and conquerors, on whom it depends whether they shall live in after-ages, or be forgotten as were their ancestors before them. The tyrant may oppress while the ob- ject of his tyranny exists ; but the historian possesses superior might, for his power extends even beyond the grave. The shades of departed and long-forgotten heroes anxiously bend down from above, while he writes, v/atching each movement of his pen, whether it shall pass by their names with neglect, or inscribe them on the deathless pages of renown. Even the drop of ink which hangs trembling on his pen, which he may either dash upon the floor or waste in idle scrawlings, — that very drop, which to him is not worth the twentieth part of a farthing, may be of incalculable value to some departed worthy, may elevate half a score, in one mo- ment, to immortality, who would have given fmmortal 3Fame 213 worlds, had they possessed them, to insure the glorious meed. Let not my readers imagine, however, that I am indulging in vainglorious boastings, or am anxious to blazon forth the importance of my tribe. On the contrary, I shrink when I reflect on the awful responsibility we historians as- sume ; I shudder to think what direful commo- tions and calamities we occasion in the world ; I swear to thee, honest reader, as I am a man, I weep at the very idea ! Why, let me ask, are so many illustrious men daily tearing them- selves away from the embraces of their families, sHghting the smiles of beauty, despising the allurements of fortune, and exposing themselves to the miseries of war ? Why are kings deso- lating empires, and depopulating whole coun- tries ? In short, what induces all great men of all ages and countries to commit so many victo- ries and misdeeds, and inflict so many miseries upon mankind and upon themselves, but the mere hope that some historian will kindly take them into notice, and admit them into a comer of his volume? For, in short, the mighty ob- ject of all their toils, their hardships, and pri- vations is nothing but immortal fame. And what is immortal fame ? — why, half a page of dirty paper ! Alas ! alas ! how humiliating the idea, that the renown of so great a man as Peter 214 Ibistorg of mew l^ork Stuyvesant should depend upon the pen of so little a man as Diedrich Knickerbocker ! And now, having refreshed ourselves after the fatigues and perils of the field, it behooves us to return once more to the scene of conflict, and inquire what were the results of this renowned conquest. The fortress of Christina being the fair metropolis, and in a manner the key to New Sweden, its capture was speedily followed by the entire subjugation of the province. This was not a little promoted by the gallant and courteous deportment of the chivalric Peter. Though a man terrible in battle, yet in the hour of victory was he endued with a spirit generous, merciful, and humane. He vaunted not over his enemies, nor did he make defeat more gall- ing by unmanly insults ; for like that mirror of knightly virtue, the renowned Paladin Orlando, he was more anxious to do great actions than to talk of them after they were done. He put no man to death ; ordered no houses to be burnt down ; permitted no ravages to be perpe- trated on the property of the vanquished ; and even gave one of his bravest officers a severe admonishment with his walking-staff" for having been detected in the act of sacking a hen-roost. He moreover issued a proclamation inviting the inhabitants to submit to the authority of their High Mightinesses ; but declaring, with Submission of IRew Sweden 215 unexampled clemency, that wlioever refused should be lodged at the public expense in a goodly castle provided for the purpose, and have an armed retinue to wait on them in the bargain. In consequence of these beneficent terms about thirty Swedes stepped manfully forward and took the oath of allegiance ; in re- ward for which they were graciously permitted to remain on the banks of the Delaware, where their descendants reside at this very day. I am told, however, by divers observant travellers that they have never been able to get over the chapfallen looks of their ancestors, but that they still do strangely transmit from father to son manifest marks of the sound drubbing given them by the sturdy Amsterdammers. The whole country of New Sweden, having thus yielded to the arms of the triumphant Peter, was reduced to a colony called South River, and placed under the superintendence of a lieutenant-governor, subject to the control of the supreme government of New Amster- dam. This great dignitary was called Mynheer William Beekman, or rather Beck--nia.n, who derived his surname, as did Ovidious Naso of yore, from the lordly dimensions of his nose, which projected from the centre of his counte- nance like the beak of a parrot. He was the great progenitor of the tribe of the Beekmans, 2i6 1bi6tors of *lew l^orU -one of the most ancient and honorable families of the province, the members of which do grate- fully commemorate the origin of their dignity, — not as yom: noble families in England would do, by having a glowing proboscis emblazoned on their escutcheon, but by one and all wearing a right goodly nose, stuck in the very middle of their faces. Thus was this perilous enterprise gloriously terminated, with the loss of only two men : Wolfert Van Home, a tall spare man, who was knocked overboard by the boom of a sloop in a flaw of wind, and fat Brom Van Bummel, who was suddenly carried off by an indigestion ; both, however, were immortalized, as having bravely fallen in the service of their country. True it is, Peter Stuyvesant had one of his limbs terribly fractured in the act of storming the fortress ; but as it was fortunately his wood- en leg, the wound was promptly and effectually healed. And now nothing remains to this branch of my history but to mention that this immacu- late hero and his victorious army returned joy- ously to the Manhattoes, where they made a solemn and triumphant entry, bearing with them the conquered Risingh, and the remnant of his battered crew, who had refused allegiance ; for it appears that the gigantic Swede had only •Return ot tbe Dfctors 217 fallen into a swoon, at the end of the battle, from which he was speedily restored by a whole- some tweak of the nose. These captive heroes were lodged, according to the promise of the governor, at the public expense, in a fair and spacious castle, — being the prison of state, of which Stoffel BrinkerhofiF, the immortal conqueror of Oyster Bay, was appointed governor, and which has ever since remained in the possession of his descendants.* It was a pleasant and goodly sight to witness the joy of the people of New Amsterdam at beholding their warriors once more return from this war in the wilderness. The old women thronged round Antony Van Corlear, who gave the whole history of the campaign with matchless accuracy, saying that he took the credit of fighting the whole battle himself, and especially of vanquishing the stout Risingh, — which he considered himself as clearly entitled to, seeing that it was effected by his own stone pottle. The schoolmasters throughout the town gave holidays to their little urchins, who followed in droves after the drums, with paper caps on their heads, and sticks in their breeches, thus taking ♦This castle, though very much altered and modern- ized, is still in being, and stands at the comer of Pearl Street, facing Coeuties Slip. 2i8 Ibistor^ of IRew lorh the first lesson in the art of war. As to the sturdy rabble, they thronged at the heels of Peter Stuyvesant wherever he went, waving their greasy hats in the air, and shouting " Hardkoppig Piet forever ! " It was indeed a day of roaring rout and jubilee. A huge dinner was prepared at the Stadthouse in honor of the conquerors, where were assembled in one glorious constellation the great and little luminaries of New Am- sterdam. There were the lordly Schout and obsequious deputy ; the burgomasters with their officious schepens at their elbows ; the subaltern officers at the elbows of the schepens, and so on down to the lowest hanger-on of police : every tag having his rag at his side, to finish his pipe, drink off his heel-taps, and laugh at his flights of immortal dulness. In short, — for a city feast is a city feast all the world over, and has been a city feast ever since the creation, — the dinner went off much the same as do our great corporation junketings and Fourth-of July ban- quets. Loads of fish, flesh, and fowl were de- voured, oceans of liquor drank, thousands of pipes smoked, and many a dull joke honored with much obstreperous fat-sided laughter. I must not omit to mention that to this far- famed victory Peter Stuyvesant was indebted for another of his many titles ; for so hugely de- t>ictet t>e (5rooOt 219 lighted were the honest burghers with his achievements, that they unanimously honored him with the name of Picter de Groodt, that is to say, Peter the Great, or, as it was translated into EngUsh by the people of New Amsterdam, for the benefit of their New England visitors, Piet de pig, — an appellation which he main- tained even unto the day of his death. BOOK VII. CONTAINING THE THIRD PART OF THE RBIGN OF PETER THE HEADSTRONG — HIS TROUBI.ES WITH THE BRITISH NATION, AND THE DE- CI^INE AND FAI,Iy OF THE DUTCH DYNASTY. CHAPTER I. HOW PETER STUYVESANT RELIEVED THE SOV- EREIGN PEOPLE FROM THE BURDEN OF TAK- ING CARE OF THE NATION ; WITH SUNDRY PARTICULARS OF HIS CONDUCT IN TIME OF PEACE, AND OF THE RISE OF A GREAT DUTCH ARISTOCRACY. THE history of the reign of Peter Stuyvesant furnishes an edifying picture of the cares and vexations inseparable from sovereignty, and a solemn warning to all who are ambitious of attaining the seat of honor. Though returning in triumph and crowned with victory, his exul- "Kistng ^factions 221 tation was checked on observing the abuses which had sprung up in New Amsterdam during his short absence. His walking-staff, which he had sent home to act as vicegerent, had, it is true, kept his council-chamber in order, — the counsellors eying it with awe, as it lay in grim repose upon the table, and smoking their pipes in silence, — but its control extended not out of doors. The populace unfortunately had had too much their own way under the slack though fitful reign of William the Testy ; and though upon the accession of Peter Stuyvesant they had felt, with the instinctive perception which mobs as well as cattle possess, that the reins of government had passed into stronger hands, yet could they not help fretting and chafing and champing upon the bit, in restive silence. Scarcely, therefore, had he departed on his expedition against the Swedes, than the old factions of William Kieft's reign had again thrust their heads above water. Pothouse meetings were again held to " discuss the state of the nation," where cobblers, tinkers, and tailors, the self-dubbed "friends of the people," once more felt themselves inspired with the gift of legislation, and undertook to lecture on every movement of government. Now, as Peter Stuyvesant had a singular in- 222 Dlstors ot IFlew l^orh clination to govern the province by his indi- vidual will, his first move, on his return, was to put a stop to this gratuitous legislation. Accord- ingly, one evening, when an inspired cobbler was holding forth to an assemblage of the kind, the intrepid Peter suddenly made his appearance, with his ominous walking-staff in his hand, and a countenance sufl&cient to petrify a mill-stone. The whole meeting was thrown into confusion, the orator stood aghast, with open mouth and trembling knees, while * ' horror ! tyranny ! liberty ! rights ! taxes ! death ! destruction ! '* and a host of other patriotic phrases were bolted forth before he had time to close his lips. Peter took no notice of the skulking throng, but strode up to the brawling bully-ruffian, and pulling out a huge silver watch, which might have served in times of yore as a town-clock, and which is still retained by his descendants as a family curiosity, requested the orator to mend it, and set it going. The orator humbly con- fessed that it was utterly out of his power, as he was unacquainted with the nature of its con- struction. * ' Nay, but, ' ' said Peter, ' ' try your ingenuity, man : you see all the springs and wheels, and how easily the clumsiest hand may stop it, and pull it to pieces ; and why should it not be equally easy to regulate as to stop it? " The orator declared that his trade was wholly XTbe Cobbler^s Contu6ion 223 diflferent, — that he was a poor cobbler, and had never meddled with a watch in his life, — that there were men skilled in the art, whose busi- ness it was to attend to those matters ; but for his part, he should only mar the workmanship and put the whole in confusion. ** Why, harkee, master of mine," cried Peter, — turning suddenly upon him, with a countenance that almost petrified the patcher of shoes into a perfect lapstone, — " dost thou pretend to meddle with the movements of government, — to regu- late, and correct, and patch, and cobble a com- plicated machine, the principles of which are above thy comprehension, and its simplest workings too subtle for thy understanding, when thou canst not correct a trifling error in a common piece of mechanism, the whole mys- tery of which is open to thy inspection ? Hence with thee to the leather and stone, which are emblems of thy head ; cobble thy shoes, and confine thyself to the vocation for which Heaven has fitted thee. But," elevating his voice until it made the welkin ring, " if ever I catch thee, or any of thy tribe, meddling again with the affairs of government, by St. Nicholas, but I '11 have every mother's bastard of ye flay'd alive, and your hides stretched for drum-heads, that ye may thenceforth make a noise to some 224 1bi0tor^ ot IFlew ^oxh This threat, and the tremenduous voice in which it was uttered, caused the whole multi- tude to quake with fear. The hair of the orator rose on his head like his own swines' bristles, and not a knight of the thimble present but his heart died within him, and he felt as though he could have verily escaped through the eye of a needle. The assembly dispersed in silent con- sternation ; the pseudo-statesmen, who had hitherto undertaken to regulate public affairs, were now fain to stay at home, hold their tongues, and take care of their families ; and party feuds died away to such a degree, that many thriving keepers of taverns and dram- shops were utterly ruined for want of business. But though this measure produced the desired effect in putting an extinguisher on the new lights just brightening up, yet did it tend to in- jure the popularity of the Great Peter with the thinking part of the community, that is to say, that part which thinks for others instead of for themselves, or, in other words, who attend to everybody's business but their own. These ac- cused the old governor of being highly aristo- cratical ; and iu truth there seems to have been some ground for such an accusation ; for he car- ried himself with a lofty, soldier-like air, and was somewhat particular in dress, appearing, when not in uniform, in rich apparel of the an- state anJ) Cexcmom 225 tique flaundrish cut, and was especially noted for having his sound leg (which was a very comely one) always arrayed in a red stocking and high-heeled shoe. Justice he often dispensed in the primitive patriarchial way, seated on the *' stoep " before his door, under the shade of a great button- wood tree ; but all visits of form and state were received with something of court ceremony in the best parlor ; where Antony the Trumpeter officiated as high chamberlain. On public oc- casions he appeared with great pomp of equi- page, and always rode to church in a yellow wagon with flaming red wheels. These symptoms of state and ceremony, as vve have hinted, were much cavilled at by the thinking (and talking) part of the community-. They had been accustomed to find easy access to their former governors, and in particular had lived on terms of extreme intimacy with Wil- liam the Testy ; and they accused Peter Stuyve- sant of assuming too much dignity and reserve, and of wrapping himself in mystery. Others, however, have pretended to discover in all this a shrewd policy on the part of the old governor^ It is certainly of the first importance, say they, that a country should be governed by wise men ; but then it is almost equally important that the people should think them wise ; for 226 Ibistorg of Bew l^orft this belief alone can produce willing subordina- tion. To keep up, however, this desirable con- fidence in rulers, the people should be allowed to see as little of them as possible. It is the mystery which envelops great men, that gives them half their greatness. There is a kind of superstitious reverence for office which leads us to exaggerate the merits of the occupant, and to suppose that he must be wiser than common men. He, however, who gains access to cabi- nets, soon finds out by what foolishness the world is governed. He finds that there is quackery in legislation as in every thing else ; that rulers have their whims and errors as well as other men, and are not so wonderfully supe- rior as he imagined, since even he may occa- sionally confute them in argument. Thus awe subsides into confidence, confidence inspires familiarity, and familiarity produces contempt. Such was the case, they say, with William the Testy. By making himself too easy of access, he enabled every scrub politician to measure wits with him, and to find out the true dimen- sions not only of his person but of his mind ; and thus it was that, by being familiarly scanned, he was discovered to be a very little man. Peter Stuyvesant, on the contrary, say they, by conducting himself with dignity and loftiness, was looked up to with great reverence. ^be Dutcb Bristocracs 227 As tie never gave his reasons for any thing he did, the public gave him credit for very profound ones ; every moment, however intrinsically un- important, was a matter of speculation ; and his very red stockings excited some respect, as be- ing diflferent from the stockings of other men. Another charge against Peter Stuyvesant was that he had a great leaning in favor of the patri- cians ; and indeed in his time rose many of those mighty Dutch families which have taken such vigorous root, and branched out so luxviriantly in our State. Some, to be sure, were of earlier date, such as the Van Kortlandts, the Van Zandts, the Ten Broecks, the Harden Broecks, and others of Pavonian renown, who gloried in the title of ''Discoverers," from having been engaged in the nautical expedition from Com- munipaw, in which they so heroically braved the terrors of Hell-gate and Buttermilk Channel, and discovered a site for New Amsterdam. Others claimed to themselves the appellation of "Conquerors," from their gallant achieve- ments in New Sweden and their victory over the Yankees at Oyster Bay. Such was that list of warlike worthies heretofore enumerated, be- ginning with the Van Wycks, the Van Dycks, and the Ten Eycks, and extending to the Rut- gers, the Bensons, the Brinkerhoffs, and the Schermerhoms, — a roll equal to the Doomsday- 228 1bl0tori2 of 'B^ew 13orft •Book of William the Conqueror, and establish- ing the heroic origin of many an ancient aristo- cratical Dutch family. These, after all, are the only legitimate nobility and lords of the soil ; these are the real ' ' beavers of the Manhattoes ' ' ; and much does it grieve me in modem days to see them elbowed aside by foreign invaders, and more especially by those ingenious people, "the Sons of the Pilgrims " ; who out-bargain them in the market, out-speculate them on the ex- change, out-top them in fortune, and run up mushroom palaces so high that the tallest Dutch family mansion has not w4nd enough left for its weathercock. In the proud days of Peter Stuyvesant, how- ever, the good old Dutch aristocracy loomed out in all its grandeur. The burly burgher, in round-crowned flaundrish hat with brim of vast circumference, in portly gabardine and bulbous multiplicity of breeches, sat on his "stoep" and smoked his pipe in lordly silence ; nor did it ever enter his brain that the active, restless Yankee, whom he saw through his half-shut eyes worrying about in dog-day heat, ever intent on the main chance, was one day to usurp con- trol over these goodly Dutch domains. Already, however, the races regarded each other with disparaging eyes. The Yankees sneeringly spoke of the round-crowned burghers of the Manhat- Zbc Dutcb Brtstocracg 229 toes as the "Copperheads," while the latter, glorying in their own nether rotundity, and ob- serving the slack galligaskins of their rivals, flapping like an empty sail against the mast, retorted upon them with the opprobrious appel- lation of ** Platter-breeches." CHAPTER II. HOW PETER STUYVESANT I^ABORED TO CIYII^IZE THE COMMUNITY — HOW HE WAS A GREAT PROMOTER OF HOI,IDAYS — HOW HE INSTI- TUTED KISSING ON NEW-YEAR'S DAY — HOW HE DISTRIBUTED FIDDLES THROUGHOUT THE NEW NETHERI.ANDS — HOW HE VENTURED TO REFORM THE I^ADIES' PETTICOATS, AND HOW HE CAUGHT A TARTAR. FROM what I have recounted in the foregoing chapter I would not have it imagined that the great Peter was a tyrannical potentate, rul- ing with a rod of iron. On the contrary, where the dignity of office permitted, he abounded in generosity and condescension. If he refused the brawling multitude the right of misrule, he at least endeavored to rule them in righteous- ness. To spread abundance in the land, he obliged the bakers to give thirteen loaves to the dozen, — a golden rule which remains a mon- ument of his beneficence. So far from indul- ging in unreasonable austerity, he delighted to Ikissfng on IRew l^cars 231 see the poor aud the laboring man rejoice ; and for this purpose he was a great promoter of holi- days. Under his reign there was a great crack- ling of Eggs at Paas or Easter ; Whitsuntide or Pinxter also flourished in all its bloom ; and never were stockings better filled on the eve of the blessed St. Nicholas. New- Year's day, however, was his favorite festival, and was ushered in by the ringing of bells and firing of guns. On that genial day the fountains of hospitality were broken up, and the whole community was deluged with cherry -brandy, true Hollands, and mulled cider ; every house was a temple of the jolly god ; and many a provident vagabond got drunk out of ■pure economy — taking in liquor enough gratis to serve him half a year afterwards. The great assemblage, however, was at the governor's house, whither repaired all the burgh- ers of New Amsterdam with their wives and daughters, pranked out in their best attire. On this occasion the good Peter was devoutly ob- servant of the pious Dutch rite of kissing the ■womenkind for a happy new-year ; and it is traditional that Antony the Trumpeter, who acted as gentleman usher, took toll of all who were young and handsome, as they passed through the antechamber. This venerable custom, thus happily introduced, was followed 232 1bi6tori5 ot IFlew l^orft with such zeal by high and low, that on New- Year's day, during the reign of Peter Stuyve- sant, New Amsterdam was the most thoroughly be-kissed community in all Christendom. An- other great measure of Peter Stuyvesant for public improvement was the distribution of fiddles throughout the land. These were placed in the hands of veteran negroes, who were de- spatched as missionaries to every part of the province. This measure, it is said, was first suggested by Antony the Trumpeter ; and the effect was marvellous. Instead of those "in- dignation meetings " set on foot in the time of William the Testy, where men met together to rail at public abuses, groan over the evils of the times, and make each other miserable, there were joyous gatherings of the two sexes to dance and make merry. Now were instituted " quilting bees, " and "husking bees," and other rural assemblages, where, under the inspiring influence of the fiddle, toil was enlivened by gayety and followed up by the dance. "Raising bees " also were frequent, where houses sprung up at the wagging of the fiddle-sticks, as the walls of Thebes sprang up of yore to the sound of the lyre of Amphiou. Jolly autumn, which pours its treasures ovei hill and dale, was in those days a season for the lifting of the heel as well as the heart ; labor t)apps Dags 233 came danciug in the train of abundance, and frolic prevailed throughout the land. Happy- days ! when the yeomanry of the Nieuw Neder- landts were merry rather than wise ; and when the notes of the fiddle, those harbingers of good- humor and good-will, resounded at the close of the day from every hamlet along the Hudson ! Nor was it in rural communities alone that Peter Stuyvesant introduced his favorite engine of civilization. Under his rule the fiddle ac- quired that potent sway in New Amsterdam which it has ever since retained. "Weekly as- semblages were held, not in heated ball-rooms at midnight hours, but on Saturday afternoons, by the golden light of the sun, on the green lawn of the Batter}', — with Antony the trump- eter for master of ceremonies. Here would the good Peter take his seat under the spreading trees, among the old burghers and their wives, and watch the mazes of the dance. Here would he smoke his pipe, crack his joke, and forget the rugged toils of war in the sweet oblivious festivities of peace, giving a nod of approbation to those of the young men who shuffled and kicked most vigorously, and now and then a hearty smack, in all honesty of soul, to the buxom lass who held out longest, and tired down every competitor, — infallible proof of her being the best dancer. 234 tbistor^ of mew l^ork Once, it is true, tlie harmony of these meet- ings was in danger of interruption. A young belle, just returned from a visit to Holland, who of course led the fashions, made her ap- pearance in not more than half a dozen petti- coats, and these of alarming shortness. A whisper and a flutter ran through the assembly. The young men, of covirse, were lost in admira- tion, but the old ladies were shocked in the extreme, especially those who had marriageable daughters ; the young ladies blushed and felt excessively for the "poor thing," and even the governor himself appeared to be in some kind of perturbation. To complete the confusion of the good folks, she undertook, in the course of a jig, to describe some figures in algebra taught her by a dan- cing-master at Rotterdam. Unfortunately, at the highest flourish of her feet some vagabond zephyr obtruded his services, and a display of the graces took place, at which all the ladies present were thrown into great consternation, several grave country members were not a little moved, and the good Peter Stuyvesant himself was grievously scandalized. The shortness of the female's dress, which had continued in fashion ever since the days of William Kieft, had long offended his eye ; and though extremely averse to meddling with the :i£jbibitina tbe ©races 235 petticoats of the ladies, yet he immediately recommended that every one should be fur- nished with a flounce to the bottom. He like- wise ordered that the ladies, and indeed the gentlemen, should use no other step in dancing than ' * shuffle and turn, ' ' and * ' double trouble, ' ' and forbade, under pain of his high displeas- ure, any young lady thenceforth to attempt what was termed "exhibiting the graces." These were the only restrictions he ever im- posed upon the sex ; and these were considered by them as tyrannical oppressions, and resisted with that becoming spirit manifested by the gentle sex whenever their privileges are in- vaded. In fact, Antony Van Corlear, who, as has been shovra, was a sagacious man, experi- enced in the ways of women, took a private occasion to intimate to the governor that a con- spiracy was forming among the young vrouws of New Amsterdam, and that if the matter was pushed any further, there was danger of their leaving off petticoats altogether ; whereupon the good Peter shrugged his shoulders, dropped the subject, and ever after suffered the women to wear their petticoats and cut their capers as high as they pleased, a privilege which they have jealously maintained in the Manhattoes imto the present day. CHAPTER III. HOW troubi.es thicken on the province — how it is threatened by the HEI.DER- BERGERS — THE MERRYI.ANDERS, AND THE GIANTS OE THE SUSQUEHANNA. IN the last two chapters I have regaled the reader with a delectable picture of the good Peter and his metropolis during an inter- val of peace. It was, however, but a bit of blue sky in a stormy day; the clouds are again gathering up from all points of the compass, and, if I am not mistaken in my forebodings, we shall have rattling weather in the ensuing chapters. It is with some communities as it is with certain meddlesome individuals : they have a wonderful facility at getting into scrapes ; and I have always remarked that those are most prone to get in who have the least talent at getting out again. This is doubtless owing to Zvoublcs 0atbering 237 the excessive valor of those States ; for I have likewise noticed that this rampant quality is always most frothy and fussy where most con- fined, which accounts for its vaporing so amaz- ingly in little States, little men, and ugly little women more especially. Such is the case with this little province of the Nieuw Nederlandts, which, by its exceed- ing valor, has already drawn upon itself a host of enemies ; has had fighting enough to satisfy a province twice its size ; and is in a fair way of becoming an exceedingly forlorn, well- belabored, and woe-begone little pro\-ince, all which was pro\4dentially ordered to give inter- est and sublimity to this pathetic history. The first interruption to the halcyon quiet of Peter Stuyvesant was caused by hostile intelli- gence from the old belligerent nest of Rensel- laerstein. Killian, the lordly patroon of Rensel- laerwick, was again in the field, at the head of his myrmidons of the Helderberg, seeking to annex the whole of the Kaats-kill Mountains to his dominions. The Indian tribes of these mountains had likewise taken up the hatchet and menaced the venerable Dutch settlement of Esopus. Fain would I entertain the reader ^vith the triumphant campaign of Peter Stuyvesant in the haimted regions of those mountains, but 238 Ibistor^ of Bevv lork that I hold all Indian conflicts to be mere bar- baric brawls, unworthy of the pen which has re- corded the classic war of Fort Christina; and as to these Helderberg commotions, they are among the flatulencies which from time to time afilict the bowels of this ancient province, as with a wind-colic, and which I deem it seemly and decent to pass over in silence. The next storm of trouble was from the south. Scarcely had the worthy Mynheer Beekman got warm in the seat of authority on the South River, than enemies began to spring up all around him. Hard by was a formidable race of savages inhabiting the gentle region watered by the Susquehanna, of whom the following mention is made by Master Hariot, in his excel- lent history : "The Susquesahanocks are a giantly people, strange in proportion, behavior, and attire — their voice sounding from them as out of a cave. Their tobacco-pipes were three quarters of a }'ard long ; carved at the great end with a bird, beare, or other device, suflicient to beat out the brains of a horse. The calfe of one of their legges measured three quarters of a yard about ; the rest of the limbs proportionable." * These gigantic savages and smokers caused no little disquiet in the mind of Mynheer Beek- *Hariot's Journal, Purch. Pilgrims. Zbc ^errglanDers 239 man, threatening to cause a famine of tobacco in the land ; but his most formidable enemy was the roaring, roistering English colony of Maryland, or, as it was anciently written, Merryland, — so called because the inhabitants, not having the fear of the Lord before their eyes, were prone to make merry and get fuddled with mint-julep and apple-toddy. They were, moreover, great horse-racers and cock-fighters, mighty wrestlers and jumpers, and enormous consumers of hoe- cake and bacon. They lay claim to be the first inventors of those recondite beverages, cock-tail, stone-fence, and sherry-cobbler, and to have dis- covered the gastronomical merits of terrapins soft crabs, and canvas-back ducks. This rantipole colony, founded by Lord Balti- more, a British nobleman, was managed by his agent, a swaggering Englishman, commonly called Fendall, that is to say, "offend all," — a name given him for his bullying propensities. These were seen in a message to Mynheer Beekman, threatening him, unless he immedi- ately swore allegiance to Lord Baltimore as the rightful lord of the soil, to come, at the head of the roaring boys of Merryland and the giants of the Susquehanna, and sweep him and his Neder- landers out of the countn,'. The trusty sword of Peter Stuyvesant almost leaped from its scabbard when he received mis- 240 1bi5tor^ ot 1Flcw lock sives from Mynheer Beekman, informing him of the swaggering menaces of the bully Fendall ; and as to the giantly warriors of the Susque- hanna, nothing would have more delighted him than a bout, hand to hand, with half a score of them, having never encountered a giant in the whole course of his campaigns, unless we may consider the stout Risingh as such — and he was but a little one. Nothing prevented his marching instantly to the South River and enacting scenes still more glorious than those of Fort Christina, but the necessity of first putting a stop to the increasing aggressions and inroads of the Yankees, so as not to leave an enemy in his rear ; but he wrote to Mynheer Beekman to keep up a bold front and stout heart, promising, as soon as he had settled affairs in the east, that he would hasten to the south with his burly warriors of the Hudson, to lower the crest of the giants, and mar the merriment of the Merrylanders. CHAPTER IV. HOW PETER STUYVESANT ADVENTURED INTO THE EAST COUNTRY, AND HOW HE FARED THERE. TO explain the apparently sudden movement of Peter Stuyvesant against the crafty men of the Bast country, I would observe that, during his campaigns on the South River, and in the enchanted regions of the Catskill Moun- tains, the twelve tribes of the East had been more than usually active in prosecuting their subtle scheme for the subjugation of the Nieuw Nederlandts. Independent of the incessant maraudings among hen-roosts and squattings along the border, invading armies would penetrate, from time to time, into the very heart of the country. As their prototypes of yore went forth into the land of Canaan, with their wives and their chil- dren, their men-servants, and their maid-ser- vants, their flocks and herds, to settle them- selves down in the land and possess it, so these 242 tbistorg of IRcw lork chosen people of modem days would progress through the country in patriarchal style, con- ducting carts and wagons laden with household furniture, with women and children piled on top, and pots and kettles dangling beneath. At the tails of these vehicles would stalk a crew of long-limbed, lank-sided varlets, with axes on their shoulders and packs on their backs, reso- lutely bent upon ' ' locating ' ' themselves as they termed it, and improving the country. These were the most dangerous kind of invaders. It is true they were guilty of no overt acts of hos- tility ; but it was notorious that, wherever they got a footing, the honest Dutchman gradually disappeared, retiring slowly, as do the Indians be- fore the white men, being in some way or other talked and chafied, and bargained and swapped, and, in plain English, elbowed out of all those rich bottoms and fertile nooks in which our Dutch yeomanry are prone to nestle them- selves. Peter Stuyvesant was at length roused to this kind of war in disguise, by which the Yankees were craftily aiming to subjugate his dominions. He was a man easily taken in, it is true, as all great-hearted men are apt to be ; but if he once fouud it out, his wrath was terrible. He now threw diplomacy to the dogs ; determined to appear no more by ambassadors, but to repair XLbc (Bovcrnor's tRceolvc 243 in person to the great council of the Amphicty- ons, bearing the sword in one hand and the olive branch in the other, and giving them their choice of sincere and honest peace, or open and iron war. His privy councillors were astonished and dis- mayed when he announced his determination. For once they ventured to remonstrate, setting forth the rashness of venturing his sacred per- son in the midst of a strange and barbarous people. They might as well have tried to turn a rusty weathercock with a broken-winded bel- lows. In the fiery heart of the iron-headed Peter sat enthroned the five kings of courage described by Aristotle ; and had the philosopher enumerated five hundred more, I verily believe he would have possessed them all. As to that better part of valor, called discretion, it was too cold-blooded a virtue for his tropical tempera- ment. Summoning, therefore, to his presence his trusty follower, Antony Van Corlear, he com- manded him to hold himself in readiness to ac- company him the following morning on this his hazardous enterprise. Now, Antony the Trum- peter was by this time a little stricken in years, but by dint of keeping up a good heart, and having never known care or sorrow (having never been married), he was still a hearty, jo- 244 1bi6torB ot Bew l^orft cund, rubicund, gamesome wag, and of great capacity in a doublet. This last was ascribed to his living a jolly life on those domains at the Hook, which Peter Stuyvesant had granted to him for his gallantry at Fort Casimir. Be this as it may, there was nothing that more delighted Antony than this command of the great Peter, for he could have followed the stout-hearted old governor to the world's end, with love and loyalty ; and he moreover still remembered the frolicking, and dancing, and bundling, and other disports of the east country, and entertained dainty recollections of numer- ous kind and buxom lasses, whom he longed exceedingly again to encounter. Thus then did this mirror of hardihood set forth, with no other attendant but his tnunpeter, upon one of the most perilous enterprises ever recorded in the annals of knight-errantry. For a single warrior to venture openly among a whole nation of foes, — but, above all, for a plain, downright Dutchman to think of negotiating with the whole council of New England ! — never was there knov/n a more desperate under- taking ! — Ever since I have entered upon the chronicles of this peerless but hitherto uncele- brated chieftain, has he kept me in a state of incessant action and anxiety with the toils and dangers he is constantly encountering. Oh ! ^be departure 245 for a chapter of the tranquil reign of Wouter Van Twiller, that I might repose on it as on a feather-bed ! Is it not enough, Peter Stuyvesant, that I have once already rescued thee from the machi- nations of these terrible Amphictyons, by bring- ing the powers of v.'itchcraft to thine aid ? Is it not enough that I have followed thee un- daunted, like a guardian spirit, into the midst of the horrid battle of Fort Christina ?— that I have been put incessantly to my trumps to keep thee safe and sound, — now warding off with my single pen the shower of dastard blows that fell upon thy rear, — now narrowly shielding thee from a deadly thrust, by a mere tobacco-box, — now casing thy dauntless skull with adamant, when even thy stubborn ram-beaver failed to resist the sword of the stout Risingh, — and now, not merely bringing thee off alive, but triumph- ant, from the clutches of the gigantic Swede, by the desperate means of a paltry stone pottle ? Is not all this enough, but must thou still be plunging into new difficulties, and hazarding in headlong enterprise thyself, thy trumpeter, and thy historian ? And now the ruddy-faced Aurora, like a bux- om chambermaid, draws aside the sable curtains of the night, and out bounces from his bed the jolly red-haired Phcebus, startled at being 246 tbiatorg of IFlcw lock caught so late in the embraces of Dame Thetis. With many a stable-boy oath he harnesses his brazen-footed steeds, and whips, and lashes, and splashes up the firmament, like a loitering coachman, half an hour behind his time. And now behold that imp of fame and prowess, the headstrong Peter bestriding a raw-boned, switch- tailed charger, gallantly arrayed in full regi- mentals, and bracing on his thigh that rusty, brass-hilted sword, which had wrought such fearful deeds on the banks of the Delaware. Behold hard after him his doughty tnmipeter, Van Corlear, mounted on a broken-winded, "wall-eyed, calico mare, his stone pottle, which had laid low the mighty Risingh, slung under his arm, and his trumpet displayed vaultingly in his right hand, decorated with a gorgeous banner, on which is emblazoned the great beaver of the Manhattoes. See them proudly issuing out of the city-gate, like an iron-clad hero of yore, with his faithful squire at his heels, the populace following with their eyes, and shouting many a parting wish, and hearty cheer- ing, — Farewell Hardkoppig Piet ! Farewell, honest Antony ! — Pleasant be your wayfaring — prosperous your return ! The stoutest hero that ever drew a sword, and the worthiest trum- peter that ever trod shoe-leather ! Legends are lamentably silent about the events 5)(fficultlc0 anD perils 247 that befell our adventurers in this their adven- turous travel, excepting the Stuyvesant manu- script, which gives the substance of a pleasant little heroic poem, written on the occasion by- Dominie ^gidius Luyck,* who appears to have been the poet-laureate of New Amsterdam. This inestimable manuscript assures us that it was a rare spectacle to behold the great Peter and his loyal follower hailing the morning sun, and rejoicing in the clear countenance of nature, as they pranced it through the pastoral scenes of Bloemen Dael ; which, in those days, was a sweet and rural valley, beautified with many a bright wild-flower, refreshed by many a pure streamlet, and enlivened here and there by a delectable little Dutch cottage, sheltered under some sloping hill, and almost buried in em- bowering trees. Now did they enter upon the confines of Con- necticut, where they encountered many grievous difficulties and perils. At one place they were assailed by a troop of country squires and militia colonels, who, mounted on goodly steeds, hung upon their rear for several miles, harassing them exceedingly with guesses and questions, more especially the worthy Peter, whose silver-chased * This I^uyck was moreover rector of the I,atin School in Nieuw Nederlandts, 1663. There are two pieces ad- dressed to ^gidius Ivuyck in D. Seljm's MSS. of poesies, upon his marriage with Judith Iseudoom. Old MS, 248 f)i5tors of IRcw lorft leg excited not a little mangel. At another place, hard by the renowned town of Stamford, they were set upon by a great and mighty legion of church deacons, who imperiously demanded of them five shillings, for travelling on Sunday, and threatened to carry them captive to a neigh- boring church, whose steeple peered above the trees ; but these the valiant Peter put to rout with little diflSculty, insomuch that they bestrode their canes and galloped off in horrible confu- sion, leaving their cocked hats behind in the hurry of their flight. But not so easily did he escape from the hands of a crafty man of Py- quag, who, with undaunted perseverance, and repeated onsets, fairly bargained him out of his goodly switch-tailed charger, leaving in place thereof a villainous, foundered Narraganset pacer. But maugre all these hardships, they pursued their journey cheerily along the course of the soft-flowing Connecticut, whose gentle waves, says the song, roll through many a fertile vale and sunny plain, — now reflecting the lofty spires of the bustling city, and now the rural beauties of the humble hamlet, — now echoing with the busy hum of commerce, and now with the cheer- ful song of the peasant. At every town would Peter Stuyvesant, who was noted for warlike punctilio, order the sturdy f)onor0 to tbe l)cro 249 Antony to sound a courteous salutation ; though the manuscript observes that the inhabitants were thrown into great dismay when they heard of his approach. For the fame of his incompar- able achievements on the Delaware had spread throughout the east country, and they dreaded lest he had come to take vengeance on their manifold transgressions. But the good Peter rode through these towns with a smiling aspect, waving his hand with inexpressible majesty and condescension ; for he verily believed that the old clothes which these ingenious people had thrust into their broken windows, and the festoons of dried apples and peaches which ornamented the fronts of their houses, were so many decorations in honor of his approach, as it was the custom in the days of chivalry to compliment renowned heroes by sumptuous displays of tapestry and gorgeous furniture. The women crowded to the doors to gaze upon him as he passed, so much does prowess in arms delight the gentle sex. The little children, too, ran after him in troops, staring with wonder at his regimentals, his brimstone breeches, and the silver garniture of his wooden leg. Nor must I omit to mention the joy which many strapping wenches betrayed at beholding the jovial Van Corlear, who had whilom delighted them so much with his trump- 250 Ibistors ot 1FICW l^orFi et, when he bore the great Peter's challenge to the Amphictyons. The kind-hearted Antony- alighted from his calico mare, and kissed them all with infinite loving-kindness, — and was right pleased to see a crew of little trumpeters crowd- ing around him for his blessing, each of whom he patted on the head, bade him be a good boy, and gave him a penny to buy molasses candy. CHAPTER V. HOW THE YANKEES SECRETIvY SOUGHT THE AID OF THE BRITISH CABINET IN THEIR HOSTII^E SCHEMES AGAINST THE MANHATTOES. NOW SO it happened that while the great and good Peter Stuyvesant, followed by his trusty squire, was making his chivalric progress through the East country, a dark and direful scheme of war against his beloved province was forming in that nursery of monstrous projects, the British Cabinet. This, we are confidently informed, was the result of the secret instigations of the great council of the league ; who, finding themselves totally incompetent to vie in arms with the heavy-sterned warriors of the Manhattoes and their iron-headed commander, sent emissaries to the British government, setting forth in elo- quent language the wonders and delights of this delicious little Dutch Canaan, and imploring 252 Ibistor^ ot Bew l^orft that a force might be sent out to invade it by pea, while they should cooperate by land. These emissaries arrived at a critical juncture, just as the British Lion was beginning to bristle up his mane and wag his tail ; for we are assured by the anonymous writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript, that the astounding victory of Peter Stuyvesant at Fort Christina had resounded throughout Europe, and his annexation of the territory of New Sweden had awakened the jealousy of the British Cabinet for their wild lands at the south. This jealousy was brought to a head by the representations of Lord Balti- more, who declared that the territory thus an- nexed lay within the lands granted to him by the British crown, and he claimed to be protect- ed in his rights. Lord Sterling, another British subject, claimed the whole of Nassau, or Long Island, once the Ophir of William the Testy, but now the kitchen-garden of the Manhattoes, which he declared to be British territory by the right of discovery, but unjustly usurped by the Nederlanders. The result of all these rumors and representations was a sudden zeal on the part of his Majesty Charles the Second, for the safety and well-being of his transatlantic posses- sions, and especially for the recovery of the New Netherlands, which Yankee logic had, somehow or other, proved to be a continuity of the terri- Zcnl of fjins Gbarles 253 tory taken possession of for the British crown by the Pilgrims, when they landed on Plymouth Rock, fugitives from British oppression. All this goodly land, thus wrongfully held by the Dutchmen, he presented, in a fit of affection, to his brother, the Duke of York, — a donation truly royal, since none but great sovereigns have a right to give away what does not belong to them. That this munificent gift might not be merely nominal, his Majesty ordered that an armament should be straightway despatched to invade the city of New Amsterdam by land and water, and put his brother in complete posses- sion of the premises. Thus critically situated are the affairs of the New Nederlanders. While the honest burghers are smoking their pipes in sober security, and the pri\'y councillors are snoring in the council- chamber ; while Peter the Headstrong is un- dauntedly making his way through the east country in the confident hope by honest words and manly deeds to bring the grand council to terms, — a hostile fleet is sweeping like a thun- der-cloud across the Atlantic, soon to rattle a storm of war about the ears of the dozing Neder- landers, and to put the metal of their governor to the trial. But come what may, I here pledge my ve- racity that in all warlike conflicts and doubtful 254 Ibistons of IRcw l^orft perplexities he will ever acquit himself like a gallant, noble-minded, obstinate old cavalier. Forward, then, to the charge ! Shine out, propitious stars, on the renowned city of the Manhattoes, and the blessing of St. Nicholas go with thee — honest Peter Stuyvesant. CHAPTER VI. O^ PETER STUYVES ANT'S EXPEDITION INTO THE EAST COUNTRY, SHOWING THAT, THOUGH AN OI.D BIRD, HE DID NOT UNDERSTAND TRAP. GREAT nations resemble great men in this particular, that their greatness is seldom known until they get in trouble. Adversity, therefore, has been wisely denominated the or- deal of true greatness, which, like gold, can never receive its real estimation until it has passed through the furnace. In proportion, therefore, as a nation, a community, or an indi- vidual (possessing the inherent quality of great- ness) is involved in perils and misfortunes, in proportion does it rise in grandeur, and even when sinking under calamity, makes, like a house on fire, a more glorious display than ever it did in the fairest period of its prosperity. 256 l)i6tors of IWcw l^orft The vast empire of China, though teeming with population and imbibing and concentrating the wealth of nations, has vegetated through a succession of drowsy ages, and were it not for its internal revolutions and the subversion of its ancient government by the Tartars, might have presented nothing but a dull detail of monotonous prosperity. Pompeii and Hercu- laneum might have passed into oblivion, with a herd of their contemporaries, had they not been fortunately overwhelmed by a volcano. The renowned city of Troy acquired celebrity only from its ten years' distress and final con- flagration ; Paris rose in importance by the plots and massacres which ended in the ex- altation of Napoleon ; and even the mighty London had skulked through the records of time, celebrated for nothing of moment, ex- cepting the plague, the great fire, and Guy Fawkes' gunpowder plot ! Thus cities and em- pires creep along, enlarging in silent obscurity, until they burst forth in some tremendous ca- lamity — and snatch, as it were, immortality from the explosion ! The above principle being admitted, my reader will plainly perceive that the city of New Am- sterdam and its dependent province are on the high road to greatness. Dangers and hostil- ities threaten from every side, and it is really a Brrfval at JBoston 257 matter of astonishment how so small a state has been able, in so short a time, to entangle itself in so many difficulties. Ever since the province was first taken by the nose, at the Fort of Goed Hoop, in the tranquil days of Wouter Van Twil- ler, has it been gradually increasing in historic importance, and never could it have had a more appropriate chieftain to conduct it to the pin- nacle of grandeur than Peter Stuy vesant. This truly headstrong hero having success- fully effected his daring progress through the east country, girded up his loins as he ap- proached Boston, and prepared for the grand onslaught with the Amyhictyons, which was to be the crowning achievement of the campaign. Throwing Antony Van Corlear, who, with his calico mare, formed his escort and army, a little in the advance, and bidding him be of stout heart and great wind, he placed himself firmly in his saddle, cocked his hat more fiercely over his left eye, summoned all the heroism of his soul into his coimtenance, and, with one arm akimbo, the hand resting upon the pommel of his sword, rode into the great metropolis of the league, Antony sounding his trumpet before hkn in a manner to electrify the whole com- munity. Never was there such a stir in Boston as on this occasion ; never such a hurrying hither and 258 Ibistorg of Bew l^orft thither about the streets ; such popping of heads out of windows ; such gathering of knots in market-places. Peter Stuyvesant was a straight- forward man and prone to do every thing above- board. He would have ridden at once to the great council-house of the league and sounded a parley ; but the grand council knew the met- tlesome hero they had to deal with, and were not for doing things in a hurry. On the contrary, they sent forth deputations to meet him on the way, to receive him in a style befitting the great potentate of the Manhattoes, and to multi- ply all kind of honors, and ceremonies, and for- malities, and other courteous impediments in his path. Solemn banquets were accordingly given him, equal to thanksgiving feasts. Com- plimentary speeches were made him, wherein he was entertained with the surpassing virtues, long-sufferings, and achievements of the Pil- grim Fathers ; and it is even said he was treated to a sight of Plymouth Rock, — that great cor- ner-stone of Yankee empire. I will not detain my readers by recounting the endless devices by which time was wasted, and obstacles and delays multiplied to the in- finite annoyance of the impatient Peter. Nei- ther will I fatigue them by dwelling on his negotiations with the grand council, when he at length brought them to business. Sufl5ce it BstounDlng "ffntelliacncc 259 to say, it was like most other diplomatic nego- tiations ; a great deal was said and very little done ; one conversation led to another, one con- ference begot misunderstandings which it took a dozen conferences to explain, at the end of which both parties found themselves just where they had begun, but ten times less likely to come to an agreement. In the midst of these perplexities which be- wildered the brain and incensed the ire of hon- est Peter, he received private intelligence of the dark conspiracy matured in the British Cabinet, with the astounding fact that a British squadron was already on the way to invade New Amsterdam by sea, and that the grand council of Amphictyons, while thus beguiling him with subtleties, were actually prepared to cooperate by land ! Oh ! how did the sturdy old warrior rage and roar, when he found himself thus entrapped, like a lion in the hunter's toil ! Now did he draw his trusty sword, and determine to break in upon the council of the Amphictyons and put every mother's son of them to death. Now did he resolve to fight his way throughout all the region of the east and to lay waste Connec- ticut River ! Gallant, but unfortunate Peter ! Did I not enter with sad forebodings on this ill-starred 26o Ibistorg ot "ftew l^ocft expedition ? Did I not tremble when I saw thee, with no other counsellor than thine own head ; no other armor than an honest tongue, a spotless conscience, and a rusty sword; no other protector but St. Nicholas, and no other attendant but a trumpeter ; did I not tremble when I beheld thee thus sally forth to contend with all the knowing powers of New England ? It was a long time before the kind-hearted expostulations of Antony Van Corlear, aided by the soothing melody of his trumpet, could lower the spirits of Peter Stuyvesant from their war- like and vindictive tones, and prevent his mak- ing widows and orphans of half the population of Boston. With great difficulty he was pre- vailed upon to bottle up his wrath for the pres- ent, to conceal from the council his knowledge of their machinations, and by eflfecting his es- cape, to be able to arrive in time for the salva- tion of the Manhattoes. The latter suggestion awakened a new ray of hope in his bosom ; he forthwith despatched a secret message to his councillors at New Am- sterdam, apprising them of their danger, and commanding them to put the city in a posture of defence, promising to come as soon as pos- sible to their assistance. This done, he felt marvellously relieved, rose slowly, shook him- self like a rhinoceros, and issued forth from his peter tbe IbeaDstrong 261 den, in much the same manner as Giant De- spair is described to have issued from Doubting Castle, in the chivalric history of the Pilgrim's Progress. And how much does it grieve me that I must leave the gallant Peter in this imminent jeop- ardy ; but it behooves us to hurry back and see what is going on at New Amsterdam, for greatly do I fear that city is already in a turmoil. Such was ever the fate of Peter Stuyvesant ; while doing one thing with heart and soul, he was too apt to leave every thing else at sixes and sevens. While, like a potentate of yore, he was absent attending to those things in person which in modem days are trusted to generals and ambassadors, his little territory at home was sure to get in an uproar ; — all which was owing to that uncommon strength of intellect, which induced him to trust to nobody but himself, and which had acquired him the renowned appella- tion of Peter the Headstrong. CHAPTER VII. HOW THE PEOPI^E OF NEW AMSTERDAM WERE THROWN INTO A GREAT PANIC BY THE NEWS OF THE THREATENED INVASION, AND THE MANNER IN WHICH THEY FORTIFIED THEM- SEI<VES. THERE is no sight more truly interesting to a philosopher than a community where every individual has a voice in public afifairs, where every individual considers himself the Atlas of the nation, and where every individual thinks it his duty to bestir himself for the good of his country : I say, there is nothing more in- teresting to a philosopher than such a commu- nity in a sudden bustle of war. Such clamor of tongues — such patriotic bawling — such run- ning hither and thither — everybody in a hurry — everybody in trouble — everybody in the way, and everybody interrupting his neighbor — who is busily employed in doing nothing ! It is like witnessing a great fire, where the whole com- munity are agog — some dragging about empty panic ot tbc people 263 engines — others scampering with full buckets, and spilling the contents into their neighbor's boots — and others ringing the church-bells all night, by way of putting out the fire. Little firemen, like sturdy little knights storming a breach, clambering up and down scaling-lad- ders, and bawling through tin trumpets, by way of directing the attack. Here a fellow, in his great zeal to save the property of the unfor- tunate, catches up an anonymous chamber- utensil, and gallants it oflF with an air of as much self-importance as if he had rescued a pot of money; there another throws looking- glasses and china out of the window, to save them from the flames ; whilst those who can do nothing else run up and down the streets, keep- ing up an incessant cry of Fire ! Fire ! Fire ! "When the news arrived at Sinope," says Lucian, — though I own the story is rather trite, — "that Phillip was about to attack them, the inhabitants were thrown into a violent alarm. Some ran to furbish up their arms ; others rolled stones to build up the walls, — everybody, in short, was employed, and everybody in the way of his neighbor. Diogenes alone could find nothing to do ; whereupon, not to be idle when the welfare of his country was at stake, he tucked up his robe, and fell to rolling his tub with might and main up and down the Gymna- 264 1bl6tor^ ot naew fork sium." In like manner did every mother's son in the patriotic community of New Amsterdam, on receiving the missive of Peter Stuyvesant, busy himself most mightily in putting things in confusion, and assisted the general uproar. ** Every man " — said the Stuyvesant manuscript " flew to arms ! " — by which is meant, that not one of our honest Dutch citizens would venture to church or to market without an old-fashioned spit of a sword dangling at his side, and a long Dutch fowling-piece on his shoulder ; nor would he go out of a night without a lantern ; nor turn a corner without first peeping cautiously round, lest he should come unawares upon a British army ; and we are informed that Stoffel Brinkerhoff, who was considered by the old women almost as brave a man as the governor himself, actually had two one-pound swivels mounted in his entry, one pointing out at the front door, and the other at the back. But the most strenuous measure resorted to on this awful occasion, and one which has since been found of wonderful efficacy, was to assem- ble public meetings. These brawling convoca- tions, I have already shown, were extremely offensive to Peter Stuyr^esant ; but as this was a moment of unusual agitation, and as the old governor was not present to repress them, they broke out with intolerable violence. Hither, public la^cctinQe 265 therefore, the orators and politicians repaired, striving who should bawl loudest, and exceed the others in hyperbolical bursts of patriotism, and in resolutions to uphold and defend the government. In these sage meetings it was re- solved that they were the most enlightened, the most dignified, the most formidable, and the most ancient community upon the face of the earth. This resolution being carried unani- mously, another was immediately proposed, — whether it were not possible and politic to ex- terminate Great Britain ? upon which sixty- nine members spoke in the aflBrmative, and only one arose to suggest some doubts, — who, as a punishment for his treasonable presump- tion, was immediately seized by the mob, and tarred and feathered, — which punishment being equivalent to the Tarpeian Rock, he was after- wards considered as an outcast from society, and his opinion went for nothing. The ques- tion, therefore, being unanimously carried in the affirmative, it was recommended to the grand council to pass it into a law ; which was accordingly done. By this measure the hearts of the people at large were wonderfully encour- aged, and they waxed exceedingly choleric and valorous. Indeed, the first paroxysm of alarm having in some measure subsided, — the old women having buried all the money they could 266 l)(6tor^ ot l^ew lor?i lay their hands on, and their husbands daily getting fuddled with what was left, — the com- munity began to stand even on the offensive. Songs were manufactured in Low Dutch and sung about the streets, wherein the English were most wofully beaten, and shown no quar- ter ; and popular addresses were made, wherein it was proved, to a certainty, that the fate of Old England depended upon the will of the New Amsterdammers. Finally, to strike a violent blow at the very vitals of Great Britain, a multitude of the wiser inhabitants assembled, and having purchased all the British manufactures they could find, they made thereof a huge bonfire ; and, in the patriotic glow of the moment, every man pres- ent, who had a hat or breeches of English work- manship, pulled it off, and threw it into the flames, — to the irreparable detriment, loss, and ruin of the English manufacturers. In com- memoration of this great exploit, they erected a pole on the spot, with a device on top intended to represent the province of Nieuw Nederlandts destrojdng Great Britain, under the similitude of an eagle picking the little island of Old England out of the globe ; but either through the unskilfulness of the sculptor, or his ill-timed waggery, it bore a striking resemblance to a goose, vainly striving to get hold of a dumpling. CHAPTER VIII. HOW THE GRAND COUNCII, OF THE NEW NETH- ERI.ANDS WERE MIRACUI<OUSI.Y GIFTED WITH LONG TONGUES IN THE MOMENT OF EMERGENCY — SHOWING THE VAI,UE OF WORDS IN WARFARE. IT will need but little penetration in any one conversant with the ways of that wise but windy potentate, the sovereign people, to dis- cover that notwithstanding all the warlike blus- ter and bustle of the last chapter, the city of New Amsterdam was not a whit more prepared for war than before. The privy councillors of Peter Stuyvesant were aware of this ; and hav- ing received his private orders to put the city in an immediate posture of defence, they called a meeting of the oldest and richest burghers to assist them with their wisdom. These were that order of citizens commonly termed **men of the greatest weight in the community '* ; 268 "fcistors of laew l^ork their weight being estimated by the heaviness of their heads and of their purses. Their wis- dom, in fact, is apt to be of a ponderous kind, and to hang like a millstone round the neck of the community. Two things were unanimously determined in this assembly of venerables : first, that the city required to be put in a state of defence ; and, second, that, as the danger was imminent, there should be no time lost ; which points being settled, they fell to making long speeches and belaboring one another in endless and in- temperate disputes. For about this time was this unhappy city first visited by that talking endemic so prevalent in this country, and which so invariably evinces itself wherever a number of wise men assemble together, breaking out in long windy speeches, caused, as physicians sup- pose, by the foul air which is ever generated in a crowd. Now it was, moreover, that they first introduced the ingenious method of measuring the merits of an harangue by the hour-glass, he being considered the ablest orator who spoke longest on a question. For which excellent in- vention, it is recorded, we are indebted to the same profound Dutch critic who judged of books by their size. This sudden passion for endless harangues, so little consonant with the customary gravity and Bssemblg ot Dcnerables 269 taciturnity of our sage forefathers, was supposed by certain philosophers to have been imbibed, together with divers other barbarous propensi- ties, from their savage neighbors ; who were peculiarly noted for long talks and council-fires^ and never undertook any affair of the least im- portance without previous debates and ha- rangues among their chiefs and old men. But the real cause was, that the people, in electing their representatives to the grand council, were particular in choosing them for their talents at talking, without inquiring whether they pos- sessed the more rare, difficult, and ofttimes im- portant talent of holding their tongues. The consequence was, that this deliberative body was composed of the most loquacious men in the community. As they considered them- selves placed there to talk, every man concluded that his duty to his constituents, and, what is more, his popularity with them, required that he should harangue on every subject whether he understood it or not. There was an ancient mode of burying a chieftain, by every soldier throwing his shield full of earth on the corpse, until a mighty mound was formed ; so, when- ever a question was brought forward in this assembly, every member pressing forward to throw on his quantum of wisdom, the subject was quickly buried under a mountain of words. 270 Distort ot IRcw l^orft We are told that disciples, on entering the school of Pythagoras, were for two years en- joined silence, and forbidden either to ask ques- tions or make remarks. After they had thus acquired the inestimable art of holding their tongues, they were gradually permitted to make inquiries, and finally to communicate their own opinions. With what a beneficial effect could this wise regulation of Pythagoras be introduced in mod- em legislative bodies, — and how wonderfully would it have tended to expedite business in the grand council of the Manhattoes ! At this perilous juncture the fatal word econ- omy^ the stumbling-block of William the Testy, had been once more set afloat, according to which the cheapest plan of defence was insisted upon as the best ; it being deemed a great stroke of policy in furnishing powder to economize in ball. Thus did Dame Wisdom (whom the wags of antiquity have humorously personified as a woman) seem to take a mischievous pleasure in jilting the venerable councillors of New Am- sterdam. To add to the confusion, the old factions of Short Pipes and Long Pipes, which had been almost strangled by the herculean grasp of Peter Stuyvesant, now sprang up with tenfold vigor. Whatever was proposed by Short XLbc Conservatives 271 Pipe was opposed by the whole tribe of Long Pipes, who, like true partisans, deemed it their first duty to effect the downfall of their rivals ; their second, to elevate themselves ; and their third, to consult the public good ; though many left the third consideration out of question alto- gether. In this great collision of hard heads it is astonishing the number of projects that were struck out, — projects which threw the wind- mill system of William the Testy completely in the background. These were almost uniformly opposed by the "men of the greatest weight in the community!" your weighty men, though slow to devise, being always great at " negativ- ing." Among these were a set of fat, self-im- portant old burghers, who smoked their pipes, and said nothing except to negative every plan of defence proposed. These were that class of "conservatives" who, having amassed a for- tune, button up their pockets, shut their mouths, sink, as it were, into themselves, and pass the rest of their lives in the indwelling beatitude of conscious wealth ; as some phlegmatic oyster, having swallowed a pearl, closes its shell, sinks in the mud, and devotes the rest of its life to the conservation cf its treasure. Everj' plan of de- fence seemed to these worthy old gentlemen pregnant with ruin. An armed force was a le- 272 1bi0torg of IFlcw IJock gion of locusts preying upon the public property; to fit out a naval armament was to throw their money into the sea ; to build fortifications was to bury it in the dirt. In short, they settled it as a sovereign maxim, so long as their pockets were ftdl, no matter how much they were drubbed. A kick left no scar ; a broken head cured itself; but an empty purse was of all maladies the slowest to heal, and one in which nature did nothing for the patient. Thus did this venerable assembly of sages lavish away that time which the urgency of afiiairs rendered invaluable, in empty brawls and long-winded speeches, without ever agreeing, except on the point with which they started, namely, that there was no time to be lost, and delay was ruinous. At length, St. Nicholas, taking compassion on their distracted situation, and anxious to preserve them from anarchy, so ordered that in the midst of one of their noisy debates, on the subject of fortification and de- fence, when they had nearly fallen to logger- heads in consequence of not being able to convince each other, the question was happily settled by the sudden entrance of a messenger, who informed them that a hostile fleet had ar- rived, and was actually advancing up the bay ! CHAPTER IX. IN WHICH THE TROUBI.ES OF NEW AMSTERDAM APPEAR TO THICKEN — SHOWING THE BRA- VERY, IN TIME OF PERIL, OF A PEOPLE WHO DEFEND THEMSELVES BY RESOLUTIONS. LIKE) as an assemblage of belligerent cats, gibbering and caterwauling, eying one an- other with hideous grimaces and contortions, spitting in each other's faces, and on the point of a general clapper-clawing, are suddenly put to scampering rout and confusion by the appear- ance of a house-dog, so was the no less vociferous council of New Amsterdam amazed, astounded, and totally dispersed, by the sudden arrival of the enemy. Every member waddled home as fast as his short legs could carry him, wheezing as he went with corpulency and terror. Arrived at his castle, he barricaded the street-door, and buried himself in the cider-cellar, without ven- turing to peep out, lest he should have his head carried off by a cannon-ball. The sovereign people crowded into the mar- 274 Ibfstorg ot IKlew ^ov\{ ket-place, herding together with the instinct of sheep, who seek safety in each other's company when the shepherd and his dog are absent, and the wolf is prowling round the fold. Far from finding relief, however, they only increased each other's terrors. Bach man looked ruefully in his neighbor's face, in search of encouragement, but only found in its woe-begone lineaments a con- firmation of his own dismay. Not a word now was to be heard of conquering Great Britain, not a whisper about the sovereign virtues of economy, — while the old women heightened the general gloom by clamorously bewailing their fate, and calling for protection on St. Nicholas and Peter Stuyvesant. Oh, how did they bewail the absence of the lion-hearted Peter ! and how did they long for the comforting presence of Antony Van Corlear ! Indeed, a gloomy uncertainty hung over the fate of these adventurous heroes. Day after day had elapsed since the alarming message from the governor, without bringing any further tidings of his safety. Many a fearful conjecture was hazarded as to what had befallen him and his loyal squire. Had they not been devoured alive by the cannibals of Marblehead and Cape Cod ? — had they not been put to the question by the great council of Amphictyons ? — had they not been smothered in onions by the terrible men Brrival of ipetcr 275 of Pyquag ? In the midst of this consternation and perplexity, when horror, like a mighty nightmare, sat brooding upon the little, fat, ple- thoric city of New Amsterdam, the ears of the multitude were suddenly startled by the sound of a trumpet : it approached, it grew louder and louder, and now it resounded at the city gate. The public could not be mistaken in the well- known sound ; a shout of joy burst from their lips, as the gallant Peter, covered with dust, and followed by his faithful trumpeter, came gallop- ing into the market-place. The first transports of the populace having subsided, they gathered round the honest An- tony, as he dismounted, overwhelming him with greetings and congratulations. In breathless accents he related to them the marvellous ad- ventures through which the old governor and himself had gone, in making their escape from the clutches of the terrible Amphictyons. But though the Stuyvesant manuscript, with its customary minuteness where any thing touch- ing the great Peter is concerned, is very par- ticular as to the incidents of this masterly retreat, the state of the public affairs will not allow me to indulge in a full recital thereof. Let it suffice to say that, while Peter Stuyve- sant was anxiously revolving in his mind how he could make good his escape with honor and 276 1bt6tor^ Qt IRew fork dignity, certain of the sliips sent out for the conquest of the Manhattoes touched at the eastern ports to obtain supplies, and to call on the grand council of the league for its promised cooperation. Upon hearing of this, the vigilant Peter, perceiving that a moment's delay were fatal, made a secret and precipitate decamp- ment ; though much did it grieve his lofty soul to be obliged to turn his back even upon a na- tion of foes. Many hair-breadth 'scapes and divers perilous mishaps did they sustain, as they scoured, without sound of trumpet, through the fair regions of the east. Already was the coun- try in an uproar with hostile preparations, and they were obliged to take a large circuit in their flight, lurking along through the woody moun- tains of the Devil's backbone ; whence the val- iant Peter sallied forth one day like a lion, and put to rout a whole legion of squatters, consist- ing of three generations of a prolific family, who were already on their way to take possession of some corner of the New Netherlands. Nay, the faithful Antony had great difl5culty, at sundry times, to prevent him, in the excess of his wrath, from descending down from the moun- tains, and falling, sword in hand, upon certain of the border towns, who were marshalling forth their draggle-tailed militia. The first movement of the governor on reach- Iparlcs wltb tbc :fi3ritisb 277 ing his dwelling, was to mount the roof, whence he contemplated with rueful aspect the hostile squadron. This had already come to anchor in the bay, and consisted of two stout frigates, having on board, as John Josselyn, Gent., in- forms us, "three hundred valiant redcoats." Having taken this survey, he sat himself down and wrote an epistle to the commander, de- manding the reason of his anchoring in the har- bor without obtaining previous permission so to do. This letter was couched in the most digni- fied and courteous terms, though I have it from undoubted authority that his teeth were clinched, and he had a bitter, sardonic grin upon his vis- age all the while he wrote. Having despatched his letter, the grim Peter stumped to and fro about the town with a most war-betokening countenance, his hands thrust into his breeches- pockets, and whistling a Low-Dutch psalm- tune, which bore no small resemblance to the music of a northeast wind when a storm is brewing. The very dogs as they eyed him skulked away in dismay ; while all the old and ugly women of New Amsterdam ran howling at his heels, imploring him to save them from murder, robbery, and pitiless ravishment ! The reply of Colonel Nicholas, who com- manded the invaders, was couched in terms of equal courtesy with the letter of the governor ; 278 1bl6tori5 of Iftew lorft declaring the right and title of his British Ma- jesty to the province ; where he affirmed the Dutch to be mere interlopers ; and demanding that the town, forts, etc., should be forthwith rendered into his Majesty's obedience and pro- tection ; promising, at the same time, life, lib- erty, estate, and free trade to every Dutch deni- zen who should readily submit to his Majesty's government. Peter Stuyvesant read over this friendly epistle with some such harmony of aspect as we may suppose a crusty farmer reads the loving letter of John Stiles, warning him of an action of ejectment. He was not, however, to be taken by surprise ; but, thrusting the summons into his breeches-pocket, stalked three times across the room, took a pinch of snufF with great vehe- mence, and then, loftily waving his hand, prom- ised to send an answer the next morning. He now summoned a general meeting of his privy councillors and burgomasters, not to ask their advice, for, confident in his own strong head, he needed no man's counsel, but apparently to give them a piece of his mind on their late craven conduct. His orders being duly promulgated, it was a piteous sight to behold the late valiant burgo- masters, who had demolished the whole British empire in their harangues, peeping ruefully out ^bc "Ructul Council 279 of their hiding-places ; crawling cautiously forth ; dodging through narrow lanes and alleys ; starting at every little dog that barked ; mistak- ing lamp-posts for British grenadiers ; and, in the excess of their panic, metamorphosing pumps into formidable soldiers levelling blun- derbusess at their bosoms ! Having, however, in despite of numerous perils and difiSculties of the kind, arrived safe, without the loss of a single man, at the hall of assembly, they took their seats, and awaited in fearful silence the arrival of the governor. In a few moments the wooden leg of the intrepid Peter was heard in regular and stout-hearted thumps upon the staircase. He entered the chamber, arrayed in full suit of regimentals, and carrying his trusty toledo, not girded on his thigh, but tucked under his arm. As the governor never equipped himself in this portentous manner unless some- thing of martial nature were working within his pericranium, his council regarded him ruefully, as if they saw fire and sword in his iron counte- nance, and forgot to light their pipes in breath- less suspense. His first words were to rate his council soundly for having wasted in idle debate and party feud the time which should have been devoted to putting the city in a state of defence. He was particularly indignant at those brawlers 28o Ibistor^ ot IRcw Ifforft who had disgraced the councils of the province b}' empty bickerings and scurrilous invectives against an absent enem3^ He now called upon them to make good their words by deeds, as the enemy they had defied and derided was at the gate. Finally, he informed them of the sum- mons he had received to surrender, but con- cluded by swearing to defend the province as long as Heaven was on his side and he had a wooden leg to stand upon ; which warlike sen- tence he emphasized by a thwack v/ith the flat of his sword upon the table, that quite electri- fied his auditors. The privy councillors, who had long since been brought into as perfect discipline as were ever the soldiers of the great PVederick, knew there was no use in saying a word, so lighted their pipes, and smoked away in silence, like fat and discreet councillors. But the burgo- masters, being inflated with considerable im- portance and self-sufficiency, acquired at popular meetings, were not so easily satisfied. Muster- ing up fresh spirit, when they found there was some chance of escaping from their present jeopardy without the disagreeable alternative of fighting, they requested a copy of the sum- mons to surrender, that they might show it to a general meeting of the people. So insolent and mutinous a request would IFnCJignatlon ot peter 281 have been enough to have roused the gorge of the tranquil Van Twiller himself, — what then must have been its effect upon the great Stuy- vesant, who was not only a Dutchman, a gov- ernor, and a valiant wooden-legged soldier to boot, but withal a man of the most stomachful and gunpowder disposition ? He burst forth into a blaze of indignation, — swore not a moth- er's son of them should see a syllable of it, — that as to their advice or concurrence, he did not care a whiff of tobacco for either, — that they might go home and go to bed like old women ; for he was determined to defend the colony himself, without the assistance of them or their adherents ! So saying he tucked his sword un- der his arm, cocked his hat upon his head, and girding up his loins, stumped indignantlv out of the council-chamber, everybody making room for him as he passed. No sooner was he gone than the busy biirgo- masters called a public meeting in front of the Stadthouse, where they appointed as chairman one Dofue Roerback, formerly a meddlesome member of the cabinet during the reign of William the Testy, but kicked out of ofi5ce by Peter Stuyvesant on taking the reins of govern- ment. He was, withal, a mighty gingerbread baker in the land, and reverenced by the popu- lace as a man of dark knowledge, seeing that 282 Iblstorg of iRew lorft he was the first to imprint New- Year cakes with the mysterious hieroglyphics of the Cock and Breeches, and such like magical devices. This burgomaster, who still chewed the cud of ill-will against Peter Stuyvesant, addressed the multitude in what is called a patriotic speech, informing them of the courteous sum- mons which the governor had received, to sur- render, of his refusal to comply therewith, and of his denying the public even a sight of the summons, which doubtless contained conditions highly to the honor and advantage of the prov- ince. He then proceeded to speak of his Excellency in high-sounding terms of vituperation, suited to the dignity of his station ; comparing him to Nero, Caligula, and other flagrant great men of yore ; assuring the people that the history of the world did not contain a despotic outrage equal to the present. That it would be record- ed in letters of fire on the blood-stained tablet of history ! That ages would roll back with sudden horror when they came to view it ! That the womb of time (by the way, your ora- tors and writers take strange liberties with the womb of time, though some would fain have us believe that time is an old gentleman) — that the womb of time, pregnant as it was with direful horrors, would never produce a parallel enor- IRiGmarolc 283 niity I — with a variety of other heart-rending, soul-stirring tropes and figures, which I cannot enumerate ; neither, indeed, need I, for they were of the kind which even to the present day form the style of popular harangues and patri- otic orations, and may be classed in rhetoric under the general title of Rigiviarole. The result of this speech of the inspired bur- gomaster was a memorial addressed to the gov- ernor, remonstrating in good round terms on his conduct. It was proposed that Dofue Roer- back himself should be the bearer of this me- morial ; but this he warily declined, having no inclination of coming again within kicking dis- tance of his Excellency. Who did deliver it has never been named in history, in which neglect he has suffered grievous wrong, seeing that he was equally worthy of blazon with him perpetuated in Scottish song and story by the surname of Bell-the-cat. All we know of the fate of this memorial is, that it was used by the grim Peter to light his pipe ; which, from the vehemence with which he smoked it, was evi- dently any thing but a pipe of peace. CHAPTER X. CONTAINING A DOI<EFUI, DISASTER OF ANTONY THE TRUMPETER ; AND HOW PETER STUY- VESANT, LIKE A SECOND CROMWEIvI*, SUD- DENI,Y DISSOI^VED A RUMP PARI.IAMENT. N' OW did the high-minded Pieter de Groodt shower down a pannier-load of maledic- tions upon his burgomasters for a set of self- willed, obstinate, factious varlets, who would nether be convinced not persuaded. Nor did he omit to bestow some left-handed compli- ments upon the sovereign people, as a herd of poltroons, who had no relish for the glorious hardships and illustrious misadventures of battle, but would rather stay at home and eat and sleep in ignoble ease, than light in a ditch for immortality and a broken head. Resolutely bent, however, upon defending his beloved city, in despite even of itself, he called unto him his trusty Van Corlear, who Bntong'0 /ilbisslon 285 was his right-hand man in all times of emer- gency. Him did he adjure to take his war- denouncing tinimpet, and mounting his horse, to beat up the country night and day, sounding the alarm along the pastoral borders of the Bronx, startling the wild solitudes of Croton, arousing the rugged yeomanry of Weehawk and Hoboken, the mighty men of battle of Tappan Bay, and the brave boys of Tarry-town, Petticoat Lane, and Sleepy Hollow, charging them one and all to sling their powder-horns, shoulder their fowling-pieces, and march mer- rily down to the Manhattoes. Now there was nothing in all the world, the divine sex excepted, that Antony Van Corlear loved better than errands of this kind. So just stopping to take a lusty dinner, and bracing to his side his junk bottle, well charged with heart-inspiring Hollands, he issued jollily from the city gate, which looked out upon what is at present called Broadway, sounding a farewell strain, that rung in sprightly echoes through the winding streets of New Amsterdam. Alas ! never more were they to be gladdened by the melody of their favorite trumpeter ! It was a dark and stormy night when the good Antony arrived at the creek (sagely de- nominated Haerlem river) which separates the island of Manna-hata from the mainland. The 286 Ibletorg ot IRew l^orh wind was high, the elements were in an up- roar, and no Charon could be found to ferry the adventurous sounder of brass across the water. For a short time he vapored like an impatient ghost upon the brink, and then bethinking himself of the urgency of his errand, took a hearty embrace of his stone bottle, swore most valorously that he would swim across in spite of the Devil (Spyt den Duyvel), and daringly plunged into the stream. Luckless Antony ! Scarce had he buffeted half way over, when he was observed to struggle violently, as if bat- tling with the spirit of the waters ; instinctively he put his trumpet to his mouth, and giving a vehement blast, sank forever to the bottom. The clangor of his trumpet, like that of the ivory horn of the renowned Paladin Orlando, when expiring in the glorious field of Ronces- valles, rang far and wide through the country, alarming the neighbors round, who hurried in amazement to the spot. Here an old Dutch burgher, famed for his veracity, and who had been a witness of the fact, related to them the melancholy affair, with the fearful addition (to which I am slow in giving belief) that he saw the Duyvel, in the shape of a huge moss- bunker, seize the sturdy Antony by the leg, and drag him beneath the waves. Certain it is, the place, with the adjoining promontory, which 3Pate ot Bntons 287 projects into the Hudson, has been called Spyt den Dtiyvel ever since ; the ghost of the unfortu- nate Antony still haunts the surrounding soli- tudes, and his trumpet has often been heard by the neighbors of a stormy night, mingling with the howling of the blast. Nobody ever at- tempts to swim across the creek after dark ; on the contrary, a bridge has been built to guard against such melancholy accidents in the fu- ture ; and as to the moss-bunkers, they are held in such abhorrence, that no true Dutch- man will admit them to his table, who loves good fish and hates the Devil. Such was the end of Antony Van Corlear, — a man deserving of a better fate. He lived roundly and soundly, like a true and jolly bach- elor, until the day of his death ; but though he was never married, yet did he leave behind some two or three dozen children, in different parts of the country, — fine, chubby, brawling, flatulent little urchins, from whom, if legends speak true (and they are not apt to he), did descend the innumerable race of editors, who people and defend this country, and who are bountifully paid by the people for keeping up a constant alarm, and making them miserable. It is hinted, too, that in his various expeditions into the East he did much towards promoting the population of the country, in proof of which 288 Dlstorg of mew l^orh is adduced the notorious propensity of the peo- ple of those parts to sound their own trumpet As some wayworn pilgrim, when the tempest whistles through his locks, and night is gather- ing round, beholds his faithful dog, the com- panion and solace of his journeying, stretched lifeless at his feet, so did the generous-hearted hero of the Manhattoes contemplate the un- timely end of Antony Van Corlear. He had been the faithful attendant of his footsteps ; he had charmed him in many a weary hour by his honest gayety and the martial melody of his trumpet, and had followed him with un- flinching loyalty and affection through many a scene of direful peril and mishap. He was gone forever, and that, too, at a moment when every mongrel cur was skulking from his side. This — Peter Stuyvesant — was the moment to try thy fortitude, and this was the moment when thou didst indeed shine forth Peter the Headstrong ! The glare of day had long dispelled the hor- rors of the stormy night ; still all was dull and gloomy. The late jovial Apollo hid his face Dehind lugubrious clouds, peeping out now and then for an instant, as if anxious, yet fearful, to see what was going on in his favorite city. This was the eventful morning when the great Peter was to give his reply to the summons of •QClintbcop's BOvfcc 289 the invaders. Already was he closeted with his privy council, sitting in grim state, brooding over the fate of his favorite trumpeter, and anon boiling with indignation as the insolence of his recreant burgomasters flashed upon his mind. While in this state of irritation, a courier arrived in all haste from Winthrop, the subtle governor of Connecticut, counselling him, in the most affectionate and disinterested manner, to surrender the province, and magnifying the dangers and calamities to which a refusal would subject him. What a moment was this to in- trude officious advice upon a man who never took advice in his whole life! The fiery old governor strode up and down the chamber with a vehemence that made the bosoms of his coun- cillors to quake with awe, — railing at his un- lucky fate, that thus made him the constant butt of factious subjects, and Jesuitical ad- visers. Just at this ill-chosen juncture, the officious burgomasters, who had heard of the arrival of mysterious despatches, came marching in a body into the room, with a legion of schepens and toad-eaters at their heels, and abruptly de- manded a perusal of the letter. This was too much for the spleen of Peter Stuyvesant. He tore the letter into a thousand pieces, — threw it in the face of the nearest burgomaster, — ^broke 290 l)i5tors of flew l^ork his pipe over the head of the next, — hurled his spitting-box at an unlucky schepen, who was just retreating out at the door, — and finally pro- rogued the whole meeting si7ie diCy by kicking them down stairs with his wooden leg. As soon as the burgomasters could recover from their confusion and had time to breathe, they called a public meeting, where they re- lated at full length, and with appropriate color- ing and exaggeration, the despotic and vindic- tive deportment of the governor ; declaring that, for their own parts, they did not value a straw the being kicked, cuffed, and mauled by the timber toe of his Excellency, but that they felt for the dignity of the sovereign people, thus rudely insulted by the outrage committed on the seat of honor of their representatives. The latter part of the harangue came home at once to that delicacy of feeling and jealous pride of character vested in all true mobs, — who, though they may bear injuries without a murmur, yet are marvellously jealous of their sovereign dignity ; and there is no knowing to what act of resentment they might have been provoked, had they not been somewhat more afraid of their sturdy old governor than they were of St. Nicholas, the English,— or the D — 1 himself. CHAPTER XI. HOW PETER STUYVESANT DEFENDED THE CITY OE NEW AMSTERDAM FOR SEVERAI, DAYS, BY DINT OF THE STRENGTH OF HIS HEAD. THERE is something exceedingly sublime and melancholy in the spectacle which the present crisis of our history presents. An illustrious and venerable little city, — the me- tropolis of a vast extent of iminhabited coun- try, — garrisoned by a doughty host of orators, chairmen, committee-men, burgomasters, sche- pens, and old women, — governed by a deter- mined and strong-headed warrior, and fortified by mud batteries, palisadoes, and resolutions, — blockaded by sea, beleaguered by land, and threatened with direful desolation from with- out, while its very vitals are torn with internal faction and commotion ! Never did historic pen record a page of more complicated distress, unless it be the strife that distracted the Israel- 292 1bi6tori2 ot flew l^ocFi ites, during the siege of Jerusalem, — where dis- cordant parties were cutting each other's throats, at the moment when the victorious legions of Titus had toppled down their bulwarks, and were carrying fire and sword into the very sanc- tum sanciorufii of the temple. Governor Stuyvesant having triumphantly put his grand council to the rout, and delivered himself from a multitude of impertinent ad- visers, despatched a categorical reply to the commanders of the invading squadron ; where- in he asserted the right and title of their High Mightinesses the Lords States-General to the province of New Netherlands, and, trusting in the righteousness of his cause, set the whole British nation at defiance ! My anxiety to extricate my readers and my- self from these disastrous scenes prevents me from giving the whole of this gallant letter, which concluded in these manly and affection- ate terms : ** As touching the threats in your conclusion, we have nothing to answer, only that we fear nothing but what God (who is as just as merci- ful) shall lay upon us, all things being in his gracious disposal ; and we may as well be pre- served by him with small forces as by a great army ; which makes us to wish you all happi- ness and prosperity, and recommend you to his Zctme ot the JBrltlsb 293 protection. My lords, your thrice humble and aflfectionate servant and friend, "P. Stuyvesant." Thus having thrown his gauntlet, the brave Peter stuck a pair of horse-pistols in his belt, girded an immense powder-horn on his side, thrust his sound leg into a Hessian boot, and clapping his fierce little war-hat on the top of his head, paraded up and down in front of his house, determined to defend his beloved city to the last. While all these struggles and dissensions were prevailing in the unhappy city of New Amster- dam, and while its worthy but ill-starred gov- ernor was framing the above-quoted letter, the English commanders did not remain idle. They had agents secretly employed to foment the fears and clamors of the populace ; and more- over circulated far and wide, through the adja- cent country, a proclamation, repeating the terms they had already held out il their sum- mons to surrender, at the same time beguiling the simple Nederlanders with the most crafty and conciliating professions. They promised that every man who voluntarily submitted to the authority of his British Majesty should re- tain peaceful possession of his house, his vrouw, and his cabbage-garden. That he should be suffered to smoke his pipe, speak Dutch, wear ^94 Ibietov^ of Bew lorft as many breeches as lie pleased, and import "bricks, tiles, and stone jugs from Holland, in- stead of manufacturing them on the spot. That he should on no account be compelled to learn the English language, nor eat codfish on Satur- days, nor keep accounts in any other way than by casting them up on his fingers, and chalking them down upon the crown of his hat; as is observed among the Dutch yeomanry at the present day. That every man should be allowed quietly to inherit his father's hat, coat, shoe- buckles, pipe, and every other personal append- age ; and that no man should be obliged to conform to any improvements, inventions, or any other modern innovations ; but, on the contrary, should be permitted to build his house, follow his trade, manage his farm, rear his hogs, and educate his children, precisely as his ances- tors had done before him from time immemorial. Finally, that he should have all the benefits of free trade, and should not be required to ac- knowledge any other saint in the calendar than St. Nicholas, who should thenceforward, as be- fore, be considered the tutelar saint of the city. These terms, as may be supposed, appeared very satisfactory to the people, who had a great disposition to enjoy their property unmolested, and a most singular aversion to engage in a contest, where they could gain little more than 1pcter*6 ^firmness 295 bonor and broken heads, — the first of which they held in philosophic indiflFerence, the latter in utter detestation. By these insidious means, therefore, did the English succeed in alienating the confidence and affections of the populace from their gallant old governor, whom they considered as obstinately bent upon running them into hideous misadventures ; and did not hesitate to speak their minds freely, and abuse him most heartily — behind his back. Like as a mighty grampus when assailed and buflfeted by roaring waves and brawling surges, still keeps on an undeviating course, rising above the boisterous billows, spouting and blowing as he emerges, so did the inflexible Peter pursue, unwavering, his determined ca- reer, and rise, contemptuous, above the clamors of the rabble. But when the British warriors found that he set their power at defiance, they despatched re- cruiting officers to Jamaica, and Jericho, and Nineveh, and Quag, and Patchog, and all those towns on Long Island which had been subdued of yore by Stoffel Brinkerhoff ; stirring up the progeny of Preserved Fish, and Determined Cock, and those other New England squatters, to assail the city of New Amsterdam by land, while the hostile ships prepared for an assault by water. 296 fbiBtot^ ot IRcw lorft The streets of New Amsterdam now presented a scene of wild dismay and consternation. In vain did Peter Stuyvesant order the citizens to arm and assemble on the Battery. Blank terror reigned over the community. The whole party of Short Pipes in the course of a single night had changed into arrant old women, — a meta- morphosis only to be paralleled by the prodigies recorded by Livy as having happened at Rome at the approach of Hannibal, when statues sweated in pure affright, goats were converted into sheep, and cocks, turning into hens, ran cackling about the street. Thus baffled in all attempts to put the city in a state of defence, blockaded from without, tor- mented from within, and menaced with a Yan- kee invasion, even the stiflf-necked will of Peter Stuyvesant for once gave way, and in spite of his mighty heart, which swelled in his throat until it nearly choked him, he consented to a treaty of surrender. Words cannot express the transports of the populace, on receiving this intelligence ; had they obtained a conquest over the enemies, they could not have indulged greater delight The streets resounded with their congratula- tions ; they extolled their governor as the father and deliverer of his country ; they crowded to his house to testify their gratitude, Brranging tbe Capitulation 297 and were ten times more noisy in their plaudits than when he returned, with victory perched upon his beaver, from the glorious capture of Fort Christina. But the indignant Peter shut his doors and windows, and took refuge in the innermost recesses of his mansion, that he might not hear the ignoble rejoicings of the rabble. Commissioners were now appointed on botb sides, and a capitulation was speedily arranged ; all that was wanting to ratify it was that it should be signed by the governor. When the commissioners waited upon him for this pur- pose, they were received with grim and bitter courtesy. His warlike accoutrements were laid aside, — an old Indian night-gown was wrapped about his rugged limbs, a red night-cap over- shadowed his frowning brow, an iron-gray beard of three days* growth gave additional grimness to his visage. Thrice did he seize a worn-out stump of a pen, and essay to sign the loathsome paper; thrice did he clinch his teeth, and make a horrible countenance, as though a dose of rhubarb, senna, and ipecacuanha had been of- fered to !iis lips ; at length, dashing it from him, he seized his brass-hilted sword, and jerking it from the scabbard, swore by St. Nicholas, to sooner die than yield to any power under heaven. For two whole days did lie persist in this magnanimous resolution, during which his house was besieged by the rabble, and menaces and clamorous revilings exhausted to no pur- pose. And now another course was adopted to soothe, if possible, his mighty ire. A proces- sion was formed by the burgomasters and sche- pens, followed by the populace, to bear the capitulation in state to the governor's dwelling. They found the castle strongly barricadoed, and the old hero in full regimentals, with his cocked hat on his head, posted with a blunderbuss at the garret window. There was something in this formidable posi- tion that struck even the ignoble vulgar with awe and admiration. The brawling multitude could not but reflect with self-abasement upon their own pusillanimous conduct, when they be- held their hardy but deserted old governor, thus faithful to his post, like a forlorn hope, and fully prepared to defend his ungrateful city to the last. These compunctions, however, were soon overwhelmed by the recurring tide of public apprehension. The populace ar- ranged themselves before the house, taking off their hats with most respectful humility ; Bur- gomaster Roerback, who was of that popular class of orators described by Sallust as being ''talkative rather than eloquent," stepped forth Signing tbe Capitulation 299 and addressed the governor in a speech of three hours' length, detailing, in the most pathetic terms, the calamitous situation of the province and urging him in a constant repetition of the same arguments and words to sign the capitula- tion. The mighty Peter eyed him from his garret window in grim silence, — now and then his eye would glance over the surrounding rabble, and an indignant grin, like that of an angry mastiff, would mark his iron visage. But though a man of most undaunted mettle, — though he had a heart as big as an ox, and a head that would have set adamant to scorn, — yet after all he was a mere mortal. Wearied out by these repeated oppositions, and this eternal haranguing, and perceiving that unless he complied, the inhabi- tants would follow their own inclination, or rather their fears, without waiting for his con- sent, or, what was still worse, the Yankees would have time to pour in their forces and claim a share in the conquest, he testily ordered them to hand up the paper. It was accordingly hoisted to him on the end of a pole ; and having scrawled his name at the bottom of it, he anathematized them all for a set of cowardly, mutinous, degenerate poltroons, threw the ca- pitulation at their heads, slammed down the window, and was heard stumping down stairs 300 l)i5tori2 ot Bew lorft with vehement indignation. The rabble incon- tinently took to their heels ; even the burgo- masters were not slow in evacuating the premises, fearing lest the sturdy Peter might issue from his den, and greet them with some unwelcome testimonial of his displeasure. Within three hours after the surrender, a le- gion of British beef-fed warriors poured into New Amsterdam, taking possession of the fort and batteries. And now might be heard, from all quarters, the sound of hammers, made by the old Dutch burghers in nailing up their doors and windows, to protect their vrouws from these fierce barbarians, whom they contemplated in silent sullenness from the garret windows as they paraded through the streets. Thus did Colonel Richard Nichols, the com- mander of the British forces, enter into quiet possession of the conquered realm as locum tenens for the Duke of York. The victory was attended with no other outrage than that of changing the name of the province and its me- tropolis, which thenceforth were denominated New York, and so have continued to be called unto the present day. The inhabitants, accord- ing to treaty, were allowed to maintain quiet possession of their property ; but so inveter- ately did they retain their abhorrence of the British nation, that in a private meeting of the •Hew l^orft 301 leading citizens it was unanimously determined never to ask any of their conquerors to dinner. Note.— Modem historians assert that when the New Netherlands were thus overrun by the British, as Spain in ancient days by the Saracens, a resolute band refused to bend the neck to the invader. I,ed by one Garret Van Home, a valorous and gigantic Dutchman, they crossed the bay and buried themselves among the marshes and cabbage-gardens of Communipaw, as did Pelayo and his followers among the mountains of Asturias. Here their descendants have remained ever since, keeping them- selves apart, like seed-corn, to re-people the city with the genuine breed whenever it shall be effectually recov- ered from its intruders. It is said the genuine descend- ants of the Netherlands who inhabit New York, still look with longring eyes to the g^een marshes of ancient Pavonia, as did the conquered Spaniards of yore to the stem mountains of Asturias, considering these the re- gions whence deliverance is to come. CHAPTER XII. CONTAINING THE DIGNIFIED RETIREMENT AND MORTAI, SURRENDER OF PETER THE HEADSTRONG. THUS, then, have I concluded this great his- torical enterprise ; but before I lay aside my weary pen, there yet remains to be per- formed one pious duty. If among the variety of readers who may peruse this book, there should haply be found any of those souls of true nobility, which glow with celestial fire at the history of the generous and the brave, they will doubtless be anxious to know the fate of the gallant Peter Stuyvesant. To gratify one such sterling heart of gold I would go more lengths than to instruct the cold-blooded curiosity of a whole fraternity of philoso- phers. No sooner had that high-mettled cavalier signed the articles of capitulation, than, de- termined not to witness the humiliation of his Peter's IRetirement 303 favorite city, he turned his back on its walls and made a growling retreat to his bouwery^ or country-seat, which was situated about two miles off, where he passed the remainder of his days in patriarchal retirement. There he en- joyed that tranquillity of mind which he had never known amid the distracting cares of gov- ernment, and tasted the sweets of absolute and uncontrolled authority, which his factious sub- jects had so often dashed with the bitterness of opposition. No persuasions could ever induce him to re- visit the city ; on the contrary, he would always have his great arm-chair placed with its back to the windows which looked in that direction, until a thick grove of trees planted by his own hand grew up and formed a screen that effectu- ally excluded it from the prospect. He railed continually at the degenerate innovations and improvements introduced by the conquerors ; forbade a word of their detested language to be spoken in his family, — a prohibition readily obeyed, since none of the household could speak any thing but Dutch ; and even ordered a fine avenue to be cut down in front of his house because it consisted of English cherry- trees. The same incessant vigilance, which blazed forth when he had a vast province under his 304 Iblstoris ot Bcw l^orft care, now showed itself with equal vigor, though in narrower limits. He patrolled with unceasing watchfulness the boundaries of his little territory ; repelled every encroachment with intrepid promptness ; punished every va- grant depredation upon his orchard or his farm-yard with inflexible severity; and con- ducted every stray hog or cow in triimiph to the pound. But to the indigent neighbor, the friendless stranger, or the weary wanderer, his spacious doors were ever open, and his capacious fireplace, that emblem of his own warm and generous heart, had always a comer to receive and cherish them. There was an exception to this, I must confess, in case the ill-starred ap- plicant were an Englishman or a Yankee ; to whom, though he might extend the hand of as- sistance, he could never be brought to yield the rites of hospitality. Nay, if peradventure some straggling merchant of the East should stop at his door, with his cart-load of tin -ware or wooden bowls, the fiery Peter would issue forth like a giant from his castle, and make such a furious clatter among his pots and kettles, that the vender of "notions*' was fain to betake himself to instant flight. His suit of regimentals, worn threadbare by the brush, were carefully hung up in the state bedchamber, and regularly aired the first fair 2)utcb ^festivals 305 day of every month ; and his cocked hat and trusty sword were suspended in grim repose over the parlor mantel-piece, forming support- ers to a full-length portrait of the renowned Admiral Van Tromp. In his domestic empire he maintained strict discipline and well-organ- ized despotic government ; but though his own will was the supreme law, yet the good of his subjects was his constant object. He watched over, not merely their immediate comforts, but their morals, and their ultimate welfare ; for he gave them abundance of excellent ad- monition, nor could any of them complain that, when occasion required, he was by any means niggardly in bestowing wholesome cor- rection. The good old Dutch festivals, those periodical demonstrations of an overflowing heart and a thankful spirit, which are falling into sad dis- use among my fellow-citizens, were faithfully observed in the mansion of Governor Stuy\'e- sant. New-Year was truly a day of open-handed liberality, of jocund revelry, and v/arm-hearted congratulation, when the bosom swelled with genial good-fellowship, and the plenteous table was attended with an unceremonious freedom and honest broad-mouthed merriment, un- known in these days of degeneracy and re- finement. Paas and Pinxter were scrupulously 3o6 Ibfstor^ of IFlew ll)orft observed throughout his dominions ; nor was the day of St. Nicholas suffered to pass by without making presents, hanging the stock- ing in the chimney, and complying with all its other ceremonies. Once a year, on the first day of April, he used to array himself in full regimentals, being the first anniversary of his triumphal entry into New Amsterdam, after the conquest of New Sweden. This was always a kind of saturnalia among the domestics, when they considered themselves at liberty, in some measure, to say and do what they pleased ; for on this day their master was always observed to unbend, and be- come exceeding pleasant and jocose, sending the old gray-headed negroes on April-fool's errands for pigeon's milk ; not one of whom but allowed himself to be taken in, and hu- mored his old master's jokes, as became a faith- ful and well-disciplined dependant. Thus did he reign, happily and peacefully on his own land — injuring no man — envying no man — mo- lested by no outward strifes — perplexed by no internal commotions ; — and the mighty mon- archs of the earth, who were vainly seeking to maintain peace, and promote the welfare of mankind, by war and desolation, would have done well to have made a voyage to the little island of Manna-hata, and learned a lesson in Bge anD ITntirmlts 307 government from the domestic economy of Peter Stuyvesant. In process of time, however, the old governor, like all other children of mortality, began to exhibit evident tokens of decay. Like an aged oak, which, though it long has braved the fury of the elements, and still retains its gigantic proportions, begins to shake and groan with every blast, so was it with the gallant Peter; for though he still bore the port and semblance of what he was in the days of his hardihood and chivalry, yet did age and infirmity begin to sap the vigor of his frame, — but his heart, that unconquerable citadel, still triiunphed unsub- dued. With matchless avidity would he listen to every article of intelligence concerning the battles between the English and Dutch ; still would his pulse beat high whenever he heard of the victories of De Ruyter, and countenance lower, and his eyebrows knit, when fortune turned in favor of the English. At length, as on a certain day he had just smoked his fifth pipe, and was napping after dinner, in his arm- chair, conquering the whole British nation in his dreams, he was suddenly aroused by a ring- ing of bells, rattling of drums, and roaring of cannon, that put all his blood in a ferment. But when he learned that these rejoicings were in honor of a great victory obtained by the com- 3o8 Ibistors ot Bew l^ork bined English and French fleets over the brave De Ruyter and the younger Van Tromp, it went so much to his heart, that he took to his bed, and in less than three days was brought to death's door, by a violent cholera morbus ! Even in this extremity he still displayed the unconquerable spirit of Peter the Headstrong ; holding out to the last gasp, with inflexible obstinacy, against a whole army of old women who were bent upon driving the enemy out of his bowels, in the true Dutch mode of defence, by inundation. While he thus lay, lingering on the verge of dissolution, news was brought him that the brave De Ruyter had made good his retreat, with little loss, and meant once more to meet the enemy in battle. The closing eye of the old warrior kindled with martial fire at the words, — he partly raised himself in bed, clinched his withered hand, as if he felt within his gripe that sword which waved in triumph before the walls of Fort Christina, and giving a grim smile of exultation, sank back upon his pillow and expired. Thus died Peter Stuyvesant, — a valiant soldier, a loyal subject, an upright governor, and an honest Dutchman, — who wanted only a few empires to desolate to have been immortal- ized as a hero ! \ ^Funeral ©bsequics 309 His funeral obsequies were celebrated with the utmost grandeur and solemnity. The town was perfectly emptied of its inhabitants, who crowded in throngs to pay the last sad honors to their good old governor. All his sterling qualities rushed in full tide upon their recollec- tion, while the memory of his foibles and his faults had expired with him. The ancient burghers contended who should have the pri\d- lege of bearing the pall ; the populace strove who should walk nearest to the bier ; and the melancholy procession was closed by a number of gray-headed negroes, who had wintered and summered in the household of their departed master for the greater part of a century. With sad and gloomy countenances the mul- titude gathered round the grave. They dwelt with mournful hearts on the sturdy virtues, the signal services, and the gallant exploits of the brave old worthy. They recalled, vrith secret upbraidings, their own factious opposition to his government ; and many an ancient burgher, whose phlegmatic features had never been known to relax, nor his eyes to moisten, was now observed to puff a pensive pipe, and the big drop to steal down his cheek, while he mut- tered, with affectionate accent and melancholy shake of the head : *' Well, den ! — Hardkoppig Peter ben gone at last ! " 310 Ijistor^ ot "fflew l^orh His remains were deposited in the family vault, under a chapel which he had piously erected on his estate, and dedicated to St. Nich- olas, — and which stood on the identical spot at present occupied by St. Mark's Church, where his tombstone is still to be seen. His estate, or bouwery^ as it was called, has ever continued in the possession of his descendants, who, by the uniform integrity of their conduct, and their strict adherence to the customs and manners that prevailed in the ^^ good old thnes,^^ have proved themselves worthy of their illustrious ancestor. Many a time and oft has the farm been haunted at night by enterprising money- diggers, in quest of pots of gold, said to have been buried by the old governor, though I can- not learn that any of them have ever been enriched by their researches ; and who is there, among my native-bom fellow-citizens, that does not remember when, in the mischievous days of his boyhood, he conceived it a great exploit to rob "Stuyvesant's orchard" on a holiday afternoon ? At this stronghold of the family may still be seen certain memorials of the immortal Peter. His full-length portrait frowns in martial terrors from the parlor wall ; his cocked hat and sword still hang up in the best bedroom ; his brim- stone-colored breeches were for a long while •ffnvaluable IReliques 311 suspended in the hall, until some years since they occasioned a dispute between a new-mar- ried couple ; and his silver-mounted wooden leg is still treasured up in the store-room, as an invaluable relique. CHAPTER XIII. THE AUTHOR'S REFLECTIONS UPON WHAT HAS BEEN SAID. AMONG the numerous events, which are each in their turn the most direful and melancholy of all possible occurrences, in your interesting and authentic history, there is none that occasions such deep and heart-rending grief as the decline and fall of your renowned and mighty empires. Where is the reader who can contemplate without emotion the disas- trous events by which the great dynasties of the world have been extinguished ? While wander- ing, in imagination, among the gigantic ruins of states and empires, and marking the tremen- dous convulsions that wrought their overthrow, the bosom of the melancholy inquirer swells with sympathy commensurate to the surround- ing desolation. Kingdoms, principalities, and powers have each had their rise, their progress, /Dboral IRcflections 313 and their downfall, — each in its turn has swayed a potent sceptre, — each has returned to its prime- val nothingness. And thus did it fare with the empire of their High Mightinesses, at the Man- hattoes, under the peaceful reign of Walter the Doubter, the fretful reign of William the Testy, and the chivalric reign of Peter the Head- strong. Its history is fruitful of instruction, and wor- thy of being pondered over attentively, for it is by thus raking among the ashes of departed greatness, that the sparks of true knowledge are to be found, and the lamp of wisdom illu- minated. Let, then, the reign of Walter the Doubter warn against yielding to that sleek, contented security, and that overweening fond- ness for comfort and repose, which are produced by a state of prosperity and peace. These tend to unnerve a nation, to destroy its pride of character, to render it patient of insult, deaf to the calls of honor and of justice, and cause it to cling to peace, like the sluggard to his pil- low, at the expense of every valuable duty and consideration. Such supineness insures the very evil from which it shrinks. One right yielded up, produces the usurpation of a sec- ond ; one encroachment passively suffered, makes way for another ; and the nation which thus, through a doting love of peace, has sac- 314 1bi0tori2 of IRew lorft rificed honor and interest, will at length have to fight for existence. Let the disastrous reign of "William the Testy serve as a salutary warning against that fitful, feverish mode of legislation, which acts without system, depends on shifts and projects, and trusts to lucky contingencies ; which hesitates and wavers, and at length decides with the rash- ness of ignorance and imbecility ; which stoops for popularity by courting the prejudices and flattering the arrogance, rather than command- ing the respect of the rabble ; which seeks safety in a multitude of counsellors, and dis- tracts itself by a variety of contradictory schemes and opinions ; which mistakes pro- crastination for wariness, hurry for decision, parsimony for economy, bustle for business, and vaporing for valor ; which is violent in council, sanguine in expectation, precipitate in action, and feeble in execution ; which under- takes enterprises without forethought, enters upon them without preparation, conducts them without energy, and ends them in confusion and defeat. Let the reign of the good Stuyvesant show the effects of vigor and decision even when des- titute of cool judgment, and surrounded by perplexities. Let it show how frankness, prob- ity, and high-souled courage will command lessons to \)c fbcc^cb 315 respect, and secure honor, even where success is unattainable. But at the same time, let it caution against a too ready reliance on the good faith of others, and a too honest confidence in the loving professions of powerful neighbors, who are most friendly when they most mean to betray. Let it teach a judicious attention to the opinions and wishes of the many, who, in times of peril, must be soothed and led, or ap- prehension will overpower the deference to authority. Let the empty wordiness of his factious sub- jects, their intemperate harangues, their violent "resolutions," their hectorings against an ab- sent enemy, and their pusillanimity on his approach, teach us to distrust and despise those clamorous patriots whose courage dwells but in the tongue. Let them serve as a lesson to repress that insolence of speech, destitute of real force, which too often breaks forth in popular bodies, and bespeaks the vanity rather than the spirit of a nation. Let them caution us against vaunting too much of our own power and prowess, and reviling a noble enemy. True gallantry of soul would always lead us to treat a foe with courtesy and proud pimctilio ; a contrary conduct but takes from the merit of victory, and renders defeat doubly disgraceful. But I cease to dwell on the stores of excel- 3i6 Ibistor^ of mew l^orft lent examples to be drawn from the ancient chronicles of the Manhattoes. He who reads attentively will discover the threads of gold which run throughout the web of history, and are invisible to the dull eye of ignorance. But, before I conclude, let me point out a solemn warning, furnished in the subtle chain of events by which the capture of Fort Casimir has pro- duced the present convulsions of our globe. Attend, then, gentle reader, to this plain de- duction, which, if thou art a king, an emperor, or other powerful potentate, I advise thee to treasure up in thy heart, — though little expecta- tion have I that my work shall fall into such hands, for well I know the care of crafty min- isters to keep all grave and edifying books of the kind out of the way of unhappy monarchs, lest peradventure they should read them and learn wisdom. By the treacherous surprisal of Fort Casimir, then, did the crafty Swedes enjoy a transient triumph, but drew upon their heads the ven- geance of Peter Stuyvesant, who wrested all New Sweden from their hands. By the con- quest of New Sweden, Peter Stuyvesant aroused the claims of Lord Baltimore, who appealed to the cabinet of Great Britain, who subdued the whole province of New Netherlands. By this great achievement the whole extent of North Cbain of iBvcnte 317 America, from Nova Scotia to the Floridas, was rendered one entire dependency upon the Brit- ish crown, but mark the consequence. The hitherto scattered colonies being thus consoli- dated, and having no rival colonies to check or keep them in awe, waxed great and powerful, and finally becoming too strong for the mother- country, were enabled to shake off its bonds, and by a glorious revolution became an inde- pendent empire. But the chain of events stopped not here : the successful revolution in America produced the sanguinary revolution in France ; which produced the puissant Bona- parte ; who produced the French despotism ; which has thrown the whole world in confu- sion ! Thus have these great powers been suc- cessively punished for their ill-starred con- quests ; and thus, as I have asserted, have all the present convulsions, revolutions, and disas- ters that overwhelm mankind, originated in the capture of the little Fort Casimir, as re- corded in this eventful histor>\ And now, worthy reader, ere I take a sad farewell, — which, alas ! must be forever, — will- ingly would I part in cordial fellowship, and bespeak thy kind-hearted remembrance. That I have not written a better history of the days of the patriarchs is not my fault ; had any other person written one as good, I should not have 3i8 Ibistors of mew l^ork attempted it at all. That many will hereafter spring up and surpass me in excellence, I have very little doubt, and still less care, well know- ing that, when the great Christovallo Colon (who is vulgarly called Columbus) had once stood his egg upon its end, every one at table could stand his up a thousand times more dex- terously. Should any reader find matter of ofifence in this history, I should heartily grieve, though I would on no account question his penetration by telling him he was mistaken, his good-nature by telling him he was captious, or his pure conscience by telling him he was startled at a shadow. Surely, when so ingen- ious in finding offence where none was intend- ed, it were a thousand pities he should not be suffered to enjoy the benefit of his discovery. I have too high an opinion of the understand- ing of my fellow-citizens, to think of yielding them instruction, and I covet too much their good-will, to forfeit it by giving them good ad- vice. I am none of those cynics who despise the world because it despises them ; on the con- trary, though but low in its regard, I look up to it with the most perfect good-nature, and my only sorrow is, that it does not prove itself more worthy of the unbounded love I bear it. If, however, in this my historic production — the scanty fruit of a long and laborious life,— jfarewcU 319 I have failed to gratify the dainty palate of the age, I can only lament my misfortune, for it is too late in the season for me even to hope to repair it. Already has withering age showered his sterile snows upon my brow ; in a little while, and this genial warmth which still lingers around my heart, and throbs — worthy reader — throbs kindly towards thyself, will be chilled forever. Haply this frail compound of dust, which while alive may have given birth to naught but unprofitable weeds, may form a humble sod of the valley, whence may spring many a sweet wild flower, to adorn my beloved island of Mauna-hata. END OF voi,. n. University of California SOUTHERN REGIONAL LIBRARY FACILITY 405 Hilgard Avenue, Los Angeles, CA 90024-1388 Return this material to the library from which it was borrowed. I