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 THE LIBRARY 
 
 OF 
 
 THE UNIVERSITY 
 
 OF CALIFORNIA 
 
 LOS ANGELES

 
 GARNER'S 
 
 MISCELLANEOUS RECITATIONS; 
 
 OR, 
 
 &29t)im0 of tt)e Uoo CaDle; 
 
 AS 
 RECITED BY 
 
 WILLIAM GARNER, 
 
 DURING MANY YEARS PROPRIETORSHIP 
 OF THE 
 
 MARINE LIBRARY, MARGATE. 
 
 Itonnon : 
 
 PUBLISHED BY JOHN PORTER, BOORSBLLER TO THB 
 ROYAL FAMILY, 75, PALL MALL ; 
 
 and mat be had op messrs. newman and co. leadenhall 
 street; and of all booksellers. 
 
 1827.
 
 Printed by W. FOAT, 17, John Street, Edgware Road.
 
 ' r 
 
 (B^^.„ 
 
 TO THE 
 
 VISITORS OF MARGATE. 
 
 TH E approbation with which you honoured the 
 following JeM.v tVesprits, when I had the pleasure 
 to recite them before you at my Loo Table, 
 induced me at that period to preserve them, and 
 the remembrance of that gratifying sanction, 
 coupled with a visitation of the worst of ills 
 that " human flesh is heir to, age and want," 
 induces me now to publish them. 
 
 Your kind commendation and the sad change 
 in my affairs, will, I trust, be a sufficient 
 excuse for submitting my recitals to your libe- 
 rality. 
 
 Your most respectful. 
 
 Obliged and obedient Servant, 
 W. GARNER. 
 
 S22131
 
 INTRODUCTION 
 
 To THE Reader, 
 Most courteous and gentle reader, allow me to 
 crave your attention whilst I render an account 
 of why 1 have ventured to issue to the world a 
 collection of hastily written trifles, not composed 
 with a view of Publication, nor designed for 
 aught but my humble Recitation at the Loo 
 Table, during many years residence, at the 
 Marine Library, Margate. They are printed in 
 the original state, as when first handed to me. 
 I would not presume to add nor diminish, and 
 when it is considered that the greater part of 
 them are the extempore effusions of many ladies 
 and gentlemen, who favored me with their con- 
 tributions nightly, it will elicit indulgence, and 
 plead for that want of finish which time and 
 
 a -
 
 VI , INTRODUCTION. 
 
 leisure would have insured. The names of the 
 parties by whom written, are withheld, fearing 
 
 the insertion without permission, might give 
 oftence. In order to explain myself fully on the 
 subject, and give my very imperative reasons 
 for publishing this little work, I shall subjoin 
 the following dialogue, which took place be- 
 tween myself and a gentleman I encountered 
 lately, (one of my former friends and patrons in 
 happier days) who had returned from the con- 
 tinent after an absence of some years, and who 
 had not heard of my quitting Margate, nor to 
 the great change in my circumstances. After, 
 eyeing me with no small degree of surprise at 
 meeting me in London, he addressed me in the 
 following strain : — 
 
 Friend. — What! my ancient friend, Garner, 
 is it you? and have you left the pure and health- 
 ful Isle of Thanet, to sojourn here ? 
 '^- Garner. — Alas ! sir, replied I, limes are sadly 
 - changed with me since last we met. 
 
 Friend. — -So I should guess by that lengthened 
 and melancholy phiz — Zounds man, can you,
 
 INTRODUCTION. Vll 
 
 who like tlic mirth loving Yorick, " were wont 
 to set the table in a roar," encourage such 
 gloomy looks as those ? 
 
 Garner. — They are the effects of my misfor- 
 tunes, sir, I cannot wear a face of joy, whilst 
 sorrow dwells in my heart. 
 
 Friend. — Pshaw, hang sorrow and defy dull 
 care ; where's the use of pining ? but tell me 
 why I find the sworn friend of Momus thus 
 metamorphosed ; have ye been unfortunate in 
 business ? 
 
 Garner. — I have indeed sir, most unfortunate- 
 
 Friend. — ^Well, well, you are not singular in 
 that particular, and when things come to the 
 worst, they generally mend ye know ; there is 
 some good in store for you rely on it : don't be 
 down hearted, keep your spirits up, my old boy, 
 for all ears are not deaf to the appeals of the un- 
 fortunate, and should they be a little hard of 
 hearing in the present instance, why I'll blow 
 your trumpet for ye, and awaken their sympathy. 
 Ah, friend G. you are no chicken any more than 
 myself, but tliough time has used you for his
 
 Vlll INTRODUCTION. 
 
 shuttlecock, and you are somewhat way-worn 
 on life's rugged road, there's still sufficient ani- 
 mation in those eyes of yours to convince me 
 you are not entirely past all service even now. 
 
 Garner. — I trust not, sir, for it never was my 
 wish to eat the bread of idleness. 
 
 Friend. — No, no, you have given ample proof 
 of that, my old boy ; but have you any employ- 
 ment at present? 
 
 Garner. — Yes, sir, one day in the week, I am 
 engaged to assist in the shop of a kind friend 
 who has compassionated my distress, and who 
 pays me for my services. 
 
 Friend. — Humph, one day in the iveek,- — the 
 earnings of owe day will but scantily provide for 
 seven. Something must be done to give ye a 
 leg up on Fortune's stalking horse, and then you 
 may ride about at your ease, instead of wading 
 ancle deep in the Macadamizing mud of this 
 dirty metropolis : — let me consider ; aye, aye, I 
 must put my considering cap on, and would 
 that it possessed the power of the one used by 
 the renowned Fortunatus, then should you be
 
 INTRODUCTION. XI 
 
 well supplied with that, which all men covet, but 
 few know how to manage money. What think 
 
 ye of no, no, that won't do neither, that's 
 
 not practicable, I must think on — but, in the 
 first place, tell rae how long you were in business 
 at Margate ? 
 
 Garner. — Why, in my old and the new house, 
 sir, forty-four years and upwards. 
 
 Friend. — Say ye so! a pretty good spell i'faith. 
 And what's your time of day now, my friend 
 Evergreen ? how old are you? 
 
 Garner. — Seventy-eight years, come next Oc- 
 tober, sir. 
 
 Friend. — Indeed ! then you are ten years 
 older than I am, and at our age, friend G. as 
 Shakespeare has it, " it is too late a week^' to 
 think of seeking our fortune, so that won't do, 
 yet we are but boys neither, but then it happens 
 to be old boys, and old boys are not fit for much 
 else than to sit in the chimney corner and keep 
 the fire warm. What, you laugh do ye ? I am 
 glad to see that however, for it assures me, 
 beyond a doubt, you have not forgot how. By 
 
 a2
 
 X INTRODUCTION. 
 
 the lord, my old friend, I can't endure to behold 
 ye thus wrecked on dry land as it were, and if 
 possible, I'll launch your old timbers once more 
 in the ocean of friendship, and give ye the sea- 
 room of comfort for the rest of your life. 
 
 Garner. — You are vastly kind, indeed, sir. 
 
 Friend. — Oh, Margate, Margate, — and, oh. 
 Garner, Garner, (when united) what a combi- 
 nation of recollections do ye bring to my 
 memory. I say, my old boy, you must know it 
 was at Margate I first became acquainted with 
 ray wife — aye, and in your very room too ; — 
 how many years ago I shall not say, because 
 ladies don't like to be thought old ; in truth, 
 friend G. she was one of the most healthy, the 
 most blooming, and most lovely girl you ever 
 beheld in your life, with such a pair of dark 
 penetrating eyes — ecod, the first glance of 'em 
 were enough for me, for they laid siege to my 
 too susceptible heart, and I became her humble 
 servant from that moment, nor have I had 
 occasion to repent the choice I made. The 
 charms I admired her for then are somevi'hat
 
 INTRODUCTION. XI 
 
 faded to be sure, but the perfections of her 
 mind have increased tenfold, and that amply 
 compensates for the loss of a little beauty. So 
 ye see, friend G. I have a sort of a debt of 
 gratitude to pay you for the good luck I met 
 with und;.'r your roof, — not at the card loo, 
 believe me, for there I lost my money, but then 
 I gained a prize of the first order in my ^ife, 
 and when a man's looking out for prizes among 
 the blanks of this life, a good wife's the very best 
 he can obtain, that's my opinion, so give me your 
 hand, my old friend, and rely on my exertions 
 to serve ye. 
 
 Garner. — Many thanks, my kind sir, and 
 pray how is the good lady ; she's well, I hope ? 
 
 Friend. — In excellent health, I thank ye, I 
 left her not an hour since, — but you must 
 call on us, she'll be very glad to see you I'm 
 certain of it. 
 
 Garner. — And the young ladies and gentle- 
 men, how are they, sir ? 
 
 Friend. — Why, the young ladies and gentle- 
 men, as you call them, friend G. are now men
 
 Xll INTRODUCTION. 
 
 and women, and all of them married, and what's 
 more, they have most of them young ladies and 
 young gentlemen of their own. 
 
 Garner. — I am most happy to hear it, sir. 
 
 Friend. — And I don't repine at it, my old 
 friend, but such a family of children to portion 
 off, together with so many weddings, christenings, 
 and the like, it has caused a pretty heavy pull on 
 my purse, which, what with one mishap and the 
 other, is by no means so weighty as when I 
 used to pay you a visit at Margate : but, 
 zounds ! I'm only prating of my own concerns, 
 without thinking of yours. I say, my old boy, 
 I remember you used to recite an amazing 
 variety of droll stories at your loo table, which 
 appeared to be highly relished by your numerous 
 visitors ; tell me, did ye keep copies of them ? 
 
 Garner. — Such as I thought most worthy of 
 being preserved I did, sir. 
 
 Friend. — Do you know, it strikes me, if you 
 were to publish those funny scraps, for it's 
 quite the rage for scrapping you know, that 
 they would tend very much to your advantage.
 
 INTRODUCTION. XUl 
 
 Gamer. — Do you think so, sir? 
 
 Friend. — I do, indeed, and I would have you 
 think seriously about it ; publish by subscrip- 
 tion, and then ye cannot err ye know. 
 
 Garner. — I would endeavour to do so, sir, 
 but I fear they would not sell. 
 
 Friend. — Not sell ! I w arrant ye, one person 
 cannot serve a great many I'll allow, but there's 
 nothing more easy than for a great many to 
 serve one, and out of the million you have 
 amused at the expense of your lungs, surely 
 some of them will freely bestow their mite, to 
 keep the said lungs in repair, which cannot be 
 done without eating and drinking, as I needn't 
 tell you, my old boy. 
 
 Garner. — You inspire me with anticipations, 
 sir, that 
 
 Friend. — Will be realized ; yes, take my word 
 for it ; think ye, that those who have so often 
 enjoyed your hilarity during the summer ot 
 your prosperity, will refuse a cheering smile, or 
 a helping hand to serve ye in this your winter 
 of adversity? No, no, have better hopes, my
 
 ^IV INTRODUCTION. 
 
 old friend ; but remember this, whilst the grass 
 
 grows the steed you understand me, the 
 
 proverb's somewhat musty, and I'll say no 
 more, except lose no time, for at your age you 
 have none to spare I assure ye. 
 
 Garner. — Encouraged by your flattering sug- 
 gestions, I'll seek out my friends, and try what 
 can be done, sir. 
 
 Friend. — Do, do, here's my card, and be sure 
 you call soon, and hark'ee, friend G., bring 
 your subscription list along with ye, for we'll 
 one and all subscribe ; you must stay and dine 
 with us of course, and chat a little with my 
 better half, about old times and all that sort of 
 thing, when you and I will take a cheerful glass 
 of punch together, and drink success to your 
 new undertaking, and our better acquaintance 
 at the same time ; and now good morning to 
 ye, my old friend, good morning. 
 
 Garner. — Good morning, sir, good morning, 
 and may Heaven reward you for your charitable 
 intentions. 
 
 Emboldened by the advice of the worthy Gen- 
 
 I
 
 INTRODUCTION. XV 
 
 tieman as above described, I resolved to publish 
 the tbllowing effusions, and I trust they will not 
 be deemed entirely unworthy of the notice of 
 those wortliy friends and patrons, whose libe- 
 rality and kindness I have experienced on so 
 many former occasions. 
 
 Should these offsprings of many parents meet 
 with a favorable reception, and find protecting 
 friends when turned adrift on the wide world, I 
 may hereafter publish a second volume, contain- 
 ing many other such bantlings, now in my pos- 
 session, and in the interim, I have the honor to 
 be, ray kind friends, and patrons, and the public's 
 
 Most grateful and most devoted 
 Servant, 
 
 WILLIAM GARNER.
 
 garner's recitations ; 
 
 OR, 
 
 WHIMS OF THE LOO TABLE. 
 
 Written for the Opening of the New Library, August, 
 1811, the previous one having been destroyed by a 
 violent Storm, Jamiary, 1808. By an Officer of the 
 22nd Dragoons. 
 
 If on each night, for many an anxious year. 
 My pride has been your leisure hours to cheer ; 
 On this my hopes are more than ever warm, 
 With prouder claims I greet each friendly form. 
 
 My levee-room, now open to your view. 
 Sure must be charming — for the thing is new ; 
 Pains were not wanting to erect the pile. 
 Art nor expense — to gain your fav'ring smile ; 
 My toil has been to have the building graced 
 With classic elegance and modest taste ; 
 Yet after all my best attempts, I see. 
 Its brightest ornaments — yourselves must be. 
 
 Grateful for patronage so long bestowed. 
 My steps, adventurous, tempt a broader road. 
 
 What though no music breathe its witchery here, 
 Lull each soft sense and charm the listening ear ! 
 
 B
 
 While beauteous nymphs here deign to smile around- 
 Sure siveetest harmony '* in beauty found. 
 
 I LONG HAVE BEEN IN LOVE — fair ladies ! grace — 
 Ye beaus ! compassionate my doleful case — 
 And let this now, unless my suit you slight, 
 With PUBLIC FAVOUR BE MY Wedding Night; 
 And as a proof how much I prize the boon, 
 I'll hope each season — still my Honey Moon, 
 
 Friend, Garner! from youth I've been taught to 
 
 believe, 
 " That no good can be gained from attempts to deceive." 
 But in times topsy-turvy, like those that pass b}', 
 Where can we that rare thing integrity spy ? 
 In the sphere oi thy motions old truths are reversed, 
 " The happiest are they, who make friends with the 
 
 worst." 
 
 But with knaves though conversant the merit is thine. 
 
 In honesty sterling untarnished to shine. 
 
 Thy attentions polite, and thy efforts to please, 
 
 May they bring to thy bosom the cordial of ease ! 
 
 Be thy newly reared structure much crowded with 
 
 friends ! 
 May a prosperous calm, for the storm, make amends ; 
 To thee and Dame Fortune my fate I resign, 
 And whate'erye allot me, I will not repine; 
 Be they Pam, ace, or king, or e'en nothing but blanks 
 Well pleased with the past I'll return ye my thanks.
 
 PARODY. 
 
 " Satan's Address to the aSm/i." 
 
 TO PAM. 
 
 O, THOU that with surpassing glory crowned, looks 
 from thy paper throne like the god of this new shop, 
 at whose sight all the fair ones turn their expectant 
 eyes ; to thee I call, but with no friendly voice, and add 
 thy name, O, Pam ! to tell thee how I hate thy looks, 
 that bring to my remembrance what cash I have lost ; 
 how happy once with money in my purse, till loo and 
 speculation drew it out, striving with ardent zeal for 
 ace or king. 
 
 Though vernal beauty spreads her charms, 
 O, Margate, o'er thy bright domain ; 
 
 Though health each cheering bosom warms. 
 And the pale cheek is flush'd again. 
 
 Still roving nature wishes more, 
 
 And not to views or health confin'd ; 
 
 And searching an exhaustless store. 
 Would yet employ the busy mind. 
 
 For this she seeks her sister art, 
 
 With her projects each matchless grace; 
 Catches each theme that strikes the heart, 
 
 In Garner's temple all to place.
 
 When rising o'er the sparkling sea. 
 The sun's bright chariot first is roll'd ; 
 
 Or when complete his destin'd way, 
 He sets in clouds of living gold. 
 
 Still shall the polish'd mind repair. 
 To seek its best most pleasing food ; 
 
 The wise of other times, and there 
 Admire again the great and good. 
 
 And long may you, my friend, enjoy, 
 
 The world's esteem your well earn'd praise ; 
 
 Or grief, or sickness e'er destroy. 
 The comfort of your latter days. 
 
 In this scene of diversion where grave ones and gay, 
 To business or pleasure rush eagerly on ; 
 
 Permit a poor poet to stop in the way. 
 
 And pay his good wishes ere time should be gone. 
 
 'Midst the bustle of Margate how anxious we see. 
 Thy subscribers assemble with joy in their eyes ; 
 
 While with looks of full hope and with hearts full of glee, 
 They hear Mr. Garner decree them the prize. 
 
 May health spread her pinions while firm on the shore, 
 Prosperity hastens your mansion to raise ; 
 
 May the rough rolling billows disturb you no more. 
 And peace, wealth, and comfort attend all your days. 
 S.
 
 Mr. Garner I congratulate, 
 This alteration in your state ; 
 1 hope t'will meet your approbation. 
 And the sea respect your situation. 
 
 I wish you happiness and heallli, 
 
 And may your mansion bring you wealth ; 
 
 And I know you are so much loved, 
 
 That all Margate have their friendship proved. 
 
 Pray have compassion on poor me, 
 'Tis my last shilling that you see ; 
 My rhyming I must now give o'er. 
 
 For I've exhausted all my store. 
 
 S. 
 
 A LITTLE petitioner comes to implore, 
 
 Mr. Garner, to take from her some wishes more ; 
 
 That his house may be pleasant, convenient its station, 
 
 And be built with his hopes on a certain foundation : 
 
 Be safe from destruction, by water and fire. 
 
 These, these are the wishes of little Maria. 
 
 S. 
 
 With infant heart of purest mould, 
 A little fairy sprite behold ; 
 Her lisping accents to employ. 
 In wishing Mr. Garner joy : 
 B 2
 
 6 
 
 Long may he tread life's various stage. 
 And long enjoy repose in age ; 
 Though echoing thus the wish uf many, 
 Still 'tis the wish of little Fanny. 
 
 S. 
 
 Ye visitors of Margate, stop, 
 And look in little Garner's shop 
 
 To view his trinkets rare; 
 Where many a gem of perfect hue ^ 
 The garnet red and sapphire blue, 
 
 Attract the vacant stare. 
 
 For all around in nice array. 
 
 Their owner's well known taste display 
 
 To tempt you in his plan ; 
 For when the purse does heavy grow. 
 It is but charity, you know. 
 
 To ease it if he can. 
 
 " La ! Ma !" says Miss, from Mincing Lane, 
 Whose tawdry clothes had made her vain, . 
 
 " La ! vat a pretty toy, 
 I vish that my papa would please. 
 To leave off selling nasty cheese. 
 
 And here his time employ." 
 
 " Oh, fye !" indeed mama says, " stop. 
 You should'nt talk about the shop, 
 For sure there's no one knows,
 
 But that ve lives in Grosvenor Scjuare, 
 Put on a more genteeler air, 
 And pray turn out your toes. 
 
 " Besides," says she " Vm sure, my dear, 
 Ve vant not your papa down here, 
 
 He's such a wulgar brute ; 
 Which Captain Jones would cry out, fye on ! 
 And not again to Dandelion, 
 
 Take us in his suite." 
 
 A buckish wight with broidered coat. 
 And yards of neckcloth round his throat, 
 
 Cries, " Dem'me, how dye do ?" 
 And whispering says, " My masters out, 
 So I thought fit to have a rout, 
 
 And take a turn at loo." 
 
 His master by, with anger stares, 
 (Who was a torturer of hairs) 
 
 And thus his passion raved ; 
 " ril have you put within the stocks, 
 You dog, to leave the wigs and blocks ! 
 
 And customers unshaved. 
 
 " How dare you run such foolish rigs, 
 And leave off making ladies wigs. 
 
 And patent violet soap ; 
 Such rogues as you all mischief hatch. 
 And come at last to fam'd Jack Ketch, 
 
 To dangle in his rope."
 
 8 
 
 And next to him, describe who can. 
 That little pinichy round face man. 
 
 Whose belly's like a vat ; 
 Who lived as folks may plainly see, 
 On callipash and callipee, 
 
 And venison and geen fat. 
 
 Who eats till he no more can stuff, 
 And never thinks he has enough, 
 
 Says, " Call you this a treat ? 
 I vow I've search'd the town all round, 
 And though I've striv'd, I have not found 
 
 A dinner fit to eat. 
 
 " Except but when the overseers. 
 And parish officers like peers, 
 
 Invited me one day ; 
 When they had met to make a rate, 
 We eat and drank till it was late, 
 
 Which townsmen had to pay." 
 
 But next to him see Molly Squires, 
 Whom every greenhorn beau admires, 
 
 She's such a dashing look ; 
 No wonder she's a ruddy face, 
 She has but now just left her place, 
 
 Where long she has been cook. 
 
 Her wages came to six pounds ten. 
 With which she thought to catch the men 
 (Who follow outside show) ;
 
 9 
 
 By famous shoes of Margate brown, 
 And bonnet with a yard of crown, 
 And feathers on a row. 
 
 f 
 
 Some Bond Street lounger next appears, 
 Who's got in debt o'er head and ears, 
 
 And meets a brother buck ; 
 " My boy, how are you ? how're the tits, 
 Your spanking grays? what ! gone to bits ? 
 
 You've nothing but ill luck." 
 
 " Ah, Tom ! indeed, I've left the town, 
 Where Tattersal did knock 'em down, 
 
 And coach and harness too : 
 I'm now upon another plan, 
 To make up losses if I can. 
 
 By winning much at loo." 
 
 For Bond Street folks, with empty skulls, 
 Are often just as easy gulls 
 
 As sharpers may desire : 
 If in the Thames you chance should throw, 
 A City blood or Bond Street beau, 
 
 They'd set it not on fire. 
 
 But truce, no more, we all are known 
 To see all follies but our own, 
 
 And like the rest lam; 
 Then let us not be over nice. 
 But take and rattle well the dice 
 
 And try for Mr. Pam.
 
 10 
 
 PARODY. 
 
 " This is the House that Jack Built.''^ 
 
 This is the house that Garner built, 
 Where dwells Dame Fortune a noted jilt ; 
 Where old and young, all sorts and sizes. 
 She nightly serves with lots o{ prizes. 
 
 This is the rotunda that looks to the sea. 
 With books amply stor'd and a nice gallery, 
 At the back of the house that Garner built, 
 Where dwells Dame Fortune that noted jilt. 
 
 This is the table all covered with green. 
 Where papers and magazines daily are seen, 
 In the pleasant rotunda that looks to the sea, 
 While some sit and read in the nice gallery ; 
 While they patiently wait upon Fortune, the jilt, 
 At the back of the house that Garner built. 
 
 This is the list whose dread numbers decide. 
 
 If a prizemake us glad, or a blank damp our pride, 
 
 Where Betsy and unlucky Neddy agree, 
 
 In crying — " Dear Pam, be civil to me." 
 
 Dear Garner, distribute your kings, queens, and aces, 
 
 Amidst those fair ladies who sit like the graces, 
 
 Surrounding the table all covered with green. 
 
 While black, brown, and fair to advantage are seen ; 
 
 Crowding through the rotunda, that looks to the sea. 
 
 Or enjoying the air in the nice gallery,
 
 11 
 
 At the back of the house that Garner built, 
 Where dwells Dame Fortune that noted jilt. 
 
 This is Will Garner, who when thus surrounded, 
 By Chance or Miss Chance can ne'er be confounded. 
 For the more his room's crowded, the merrier is he, 
 And the merrier he is — why the happier are we ; 
 While he deals out the cards,which to shuffle his trade is, 
 And when shuffled by him, they are cut by the ladies. 
 Who sit round the table, all covered with green, 
 So anxious for Pam, they think nought of a queen, 
 But crowd the rotunda, that looks to the sea. 
 And not one is left in the nice gallery. 
 All paying their court to Dame Fortune the jilt, 
 Who dwells in the house that Garner built ; 
 Where old and young, all sorts and sizes, 
 She nightly serves with lots of prizes. 
 
 PARODY. 
 
 " Alone by the Light of the Moon.'" 
 
 My money's departed and soon from the pier, 
 
 The Victory must bear me away ; 
 I intended, indeed, to have stayed longer here. 
 And dance with the blythe and the gay : 
 But old parchment is come. 
 And has ordered me home, 
 Where I sit with my pen in my ear. 
 In an office quite dark, 
 Though I'm called his head clerk, 
 With a stipend of fifty per 3'ear.
 
 12 
 
 I cannot at present unfold what I feel, 
 
 Nor how I've disposed of my cash ; 
 But I know that I pawned both my watch and my seal, 
 For the metal that Shakespear calls trash. 
 And this I can find, 
 I must leave them behind, 
 And trust them with uncle down here. 
 Till money's less scarce, 
 Then I'll come with good grace, 
 And redeem them perhaps the next year. 
 
 Would my landlord and bather but patiently wait, 
 
 And indulge a fond rover this boon; 
 I'd really acknowledge the favour was great. 
 And promise to call on them soon. 
 If they'd let me go clear 
 From off the new pier, 
 Nor fright me with (Dover) and jail, 
 Then I happy should be, 
 When I got out to sea. 
 And would pray for a prosperous gale. 
 
 PARODY ON MOORE'S SONG. 
 
 " Oh ! there's not in this wide world a valley so sweet.'''' 
 
 » 
 Oh ! there's not in old Margate a raffle so sweet. 
 
 As at Garner's each night at the foot of High -street ; 
 
 Oh ! the last rays of pleasure and fun must depart. 
 
 Ere the tint of his caxon shall fade from niv heart !
 
 13 
 
 Yet 'tis not that the barber has spun him so fine. 
 This jazey tliat rivals a huge ball of twine ; 
 Or a tuft of long grass which by magic command is, 
 In fairy tale falling unwell with the jaundice. 
 
 And 'tis not that I count three-pence farthing in purse, 
 And 'tis not that my coat might be certainly worse ; 
 'Tis not that I'm viewed by a host of fine gazers. 
 Since I've won my great grandmother two sets of razors ! 
 
 7%g.yemake not the bliss I experience each night, 
 When I see how his wig fits so even and tight ; 
 And think of my (>wn — but I beg to rehearse, 
 The subject ad libitum in the next verse. 
 
 Quiet jazey of Garner ! what joy would I cull. 
 Did my wig sit as calm as thine sits on thy skull ; 
 But my wife you must know, with a face like a hatchet, 
 Doth strip my soft head and eternally scratch it. 
 
 MARGATE. 
 
 Many a dashing belle and beau. 
 Many a gouty leg or toe ; 
 Many a place to)lounge or walk in. 
 Many a place to sit and talk in ; 
 Many a place to ease your purses, 
 Many a loo to fill w ith verses ; 
 c
 
 14 
 
 Many a masque, a ball, and play, 
 Many a nod across the way ; 
 Many voyaging in the packet, 
 Many stomachs in a racket ; 
 Many from cold or hot baths reeking, 
 Many an organ, grinding, squeaking ; 
 Many a bargain, if you strike it. 
 This is Margate — how do you like it ? 
 
 DEBORAH DYE FOR IT, 
 THE DYERS DAUGHTER OF WHITECHAFEL. 
 
 I'm a longing old maid, ' 
 
 And I'm sadly afraid. 
 Without Pam the beau's will not come near me ; 
 
 So my dear little man, 
 
 Give him rae if you can. 
 That the handsome young flirts may not jeer me. 
 
 Though they boast out of spite, 
 
 Of their red and their white, 
 Yet no diff'rence I see I declare ; 
 
 For I'm short, pale, and fat, 
 
 But to make up for that, 
 I have got a red nose and red hair. 
 
 Then tell all the young men, 
 Who're about five feet ten,
 
 15 
 
 That instead of the charms of the face ! 
 I can bring to their view, 
 From my pocket book too, 
 
 Some sweet lines from dear Henry Hase. 
 
 Tell the flirts they're mistaken, 
 Who think Fm forsaken. 
 
 Though I ne'er had but two beaus efegs ! 
 And the truth to declare. 
 They're an unequall'd pair, 
 
 For the bows that I mean are my legs. 
 
 Then to tell what I am. 
 Only first look at Pam, 
 
 For his legs and my own just agree ; 
 If there's any girl, let her 
 Say that her's suit him better, 
 
 Then the ace or the king give to me. 
 
 Friend, Garner, as I nightly pop, 
 Into your winning losing shop ; 
 And cheerfully my mite put down, 
 In hopes to gain at least a crown. 
 This bright new shilling prithee place. 
 Where Fortune bids you deal an ace ; 
 Or if by some perverse mistake. 
 In shuffle, or incut you take 
 Another card to spare you blame. 
 That card must prove a king or Pam.
 
 16 
 
 A Gentleman having lost his Purse on the Pier, sent 
 the following Lines to be inserted in the Card Loo 
 tlie same Evening, taking a Number for each Verse. 
 
 Garner, I have lost my purse, 
 
 Have you seen my rhino ? 
 No condition can be worse 
 
 Than mine, both you and I know. 
 
 Never shall I see my cash, 
 
 O, unlucky minute ; 
 Who stole my purse, did not steal trash, 
 
 For three pounds ten were in it. 
 
 My road to London must be rough, 
 
 The coach box I must share, sir ; 
 They have not left me cash enough, 
 
 To pay the inside fare, sir. 
 
 ON A LITTLE MAN GOING TO A BALL WITH 
 A VERY LARGE COCKED HAT. 
 
 Walking along the other day, 
 
 Engaged in solemn chat ; 
 1 saw approaching on the way, 
 
 A monstrous large cock'd hat.
 
 17 
 
 Amazed at such a wondrous sight. 
 
 And also in the street ; 
 But then 1 was astonished quite, 
 
 For lo! this hat had feet. 
 
 But being' b}' progression broujiht, 
 
 Unto a nearer view ; 
 This phantom which my eyes had caught, 
 
 Hat, legs, and body too. 
 
 A man and hat, or hat and man, 
 
 I know not which to call ; 
 Tlie hat was more than twice a span, 
 
 The man was very small. 
 
 Then censure neither this or that, 
 
 But praise this alter'd plan ; 
 'Twas not the man that wore the hat, 
 
 But the hat which wore the man. 
 
 Adieu, Napoleon, thou luckless wight, 
 
 Whate'er you do is seldom right ; 
 
 You lost your crown, you lost your wife. 
 
 You lost your no, you ran for life. 
 
 And fairly turned ^our back on fame, 
 And now forsooth, have lost your name ; 
 I took it up in hopes to see 
 You beat the lucky Fanny B. 
 
 c 2 
 
 It
 
 18 
 
 But e'en at cards at Garner's loo. 
 
 I find the proverb's very true : 
 
 (A dog's ill name will surely hang him, 
 
 And any of fifty two will bang him. 
 
 Such fearful odds no more I'll try, 
 
 When all the world with hue and cry. 
 
 To run him down, and make him flee, 
 
 Before Richard the III. and H. E, C. 
 
 No common foes to cope withal, 
 
 But curs'd be your luckless fall ; 
 
 My purse pays piper, without e'en a dance, 
 
 Without e'en a look at once your France ; 
 
 If I your ugly fiz had seen, 
 
 So great a fool I ne'er had been ; 
 
 To think your name alone could woo, 
 
 A single prize in Garner's loo ; 
 
 But now your master'' s name I'll take. 
 
 And when the sweepstakes box I shake; 
 
 Both Fanny B. and H. E. C. 
 
 Their future luck must yield to me. 
 
 TO Mr. GARNER. 
 
 Dear Sir, 
 
 As 'tis nearly the end of the season, 
 I hope that to night you will listen to reason ; 
 Here night after night I've appeared in your ranks, 
 But night after night have had nothing but blanks ;
 
 19 
 
 To your fair smiling audience tho' tliis may seem 
 
 funny, 
 I am really quite tired of losing my money, 
 indeed, my good friend, I must frankly declare, 
 I am deeply in debt, and J'm deep in despair, 
 Vm in debt to your opposite neighbour for cakes, 
 I owe Mr. Peete for three pounds of beefsteaks ; 
 Mr. Jarvis for curing my cholera morbus, 
 I owe Mrs. Hubbard for washing my corpus. 
 'Tis true I have credit with Hubbard and Jarvey, 
 But cash I must have for my passage with Harvey :* 
 So, there's a good soul, turn a prize up for me, 
 And I'll drink your good health in a bumper with 
 three. 
 
 PARODY. 
 
 " Dr. Fausttusr 
 
 Mr. Garner was a good man, 
 He gave me prizes now and then, 
 When he drew them he made me hop, 
 Out of the library into the shop, 
 Out of the shop into the Dane, 
 Then to the library back again. 
 
 • At that time Captain of the Favourite, steam vessel.
 
 20 
 
 PARODY. 
 
 " ril Sing a Song of Sixpence^ 
 
 III risk another shilling, Tve a pocket full of chink. 
 Two and fifty little cards deserve as much I think ; 
 For when they all are dealing, and prizes briskly come, 
 O, what a dainty sight to send me laughing home. 
 
 My father's in <1 e parlour, his night cap on his head, 
 My mother's in lier chamber just getting into bed ; 
 But I'm at Mr. Garner's, showing off my clothes, 
 I hope she won't look black at me, and snap off my nose. 
 
 PARODY. 
 
 *' Jack and Jill went vp the HilU 
 
 Jack and Jill, went up Dane Hill, 
 And both were fond of laughter, 
 
 Away Jack flew to hear the loo. 
 And J ill came scampering after. 
 
 PARODY. 
 
 There was a man of Kentish Town, 
 And he was wond'rous wise. 
 
 He jump'd iu here, and quick sat down, 
 In hopes to get a jirize ;
 
 21 
 
 And when he heard the prize come out, 
 With all his might and main. 
 
 He jiimp'd and said, " Beyond a doubt, 
 I'll now put in again." 
 
 Friend, Garner, thy life has been passed in a riot. 
 And His time thy old bones were reposing in quiet ; 
 But, alas I every night as Old Time wheels his course, 
 Thou must bellow out sweepstakes until thou art hoarse ; 
 And with pleasure we see, as long as thou art able. 
 Thou must still deal the cards at thy baize cover'd table ; 
 But thou reck'st not of age while thy friends prove so kind, 
 And thy house stands secure from the sea and the wind ; 
 Let us hope before long, that a plenty thou'lt save. 
 To smooth the rough path that leads down to the grave ; 
 Then lay by in clover and buy a new wig, 
 And strut on the pier and drive in thy gig. 
 And visit the rooms and look wondVous big ; 
 And now in return for these best of all wishes. 
 Pray draw me a prize 'mongst the loaves and the fishes. 
 
 The following Lines were written when Mr. Garner 
 was removed higher in the Street, after his House 
 was destroyed by a Storm. 
 
 " There is a tide in the alfairs of men, 
 
 (Thus Shakespeare wrote — and he could use his pen)
 
 22 
 
 Which taken at the flood leads on to good ;" 
 But Fortune's tide may sometimes run too high, 
 So Garner thought— so thought his library, 
 
 When carried up to High Street by the flood. 
 
 Since then by Fortune he's removed thus higher, 
 Why should not we to Fortune too be nigher. 
 
 As nightly thus at loo, his room we cram ; 
 For if allowed that none amidst the waves. 
 Stand half so good a chance for life, as knaves, 
 
 No doubt he safely Garner'd up the Pam. 
 
 INVOCATION TO PAM. 
 
 Now we form the magic ring. 
 
 Now thy joys, O Pam, we sing ; 
 
 Round the table we all sit, 
 
 List'ning to the flow of wit. 
 
 That thy wond'rous name inspires. 
 
 For thou, dear knave, bind'st our desires; 
 
 Come then, little elfin sprite, 
 
 Visit this number here to-night; 
 
 But if that's too great a thing, 
 
 I pr'ythee send an ace or king. 
 
 A PETITIOiN. 
 
 To Pam's nightly meeting, 
 The petitioner sends greeting.
 
 23 
 
 That for once in the season, 
 
 He will listen to reason ; 
 
 And though courted in rhyme, 
 
 For the five hundredth time, 
 
 He will deign to be kind ; 
 
 And though Fortune is blind. 
 
 Just uncover her eyes, 
 
 To deal merit a prize, 
 
 And as in duty bound to do. 
 
 The petitioner shall ever 
 
 PLAY AT LOO. 
 
 PARODY. 
 
 " Last Night the Dogs did Bark:' 
 
 To-night with fresh supplies, 
 
 I'm come in your loo to be ; 
 And many a lass had a prize, 
 
 But nothing but blanks for me ; 
 And it's, O dear ! what will become of me? 
 
 O, dear! what shall I do? 
 Fve scarce any cash to take home with me, 
 
 Its all gone at single card loo. 
 
 My father says, " Loo is a sham ;" 
 
 My mother says, " No such thing ;" 
 
 And tho' I had rather have Pam, 
 
 I'll put up with an ace or a king ;
 
 24 
 
 For else, ah ! what will become of mel 
 Garner ! what shall I do 1 
 
 Give me a prize to take home with me, 
 And success to your single card loo. 
 
 PARODY, 
 
 The table's set, the candles snuff 'd. 
 And Garner's room's completely stuff 'd 
 
 With tribes of anxious faces; 
 Boys, girls, old dads, and mothers too, 
 Expecting from the darling loo, 
 
 Pams, kings, queens, knaves, and aces. 
 
 Spoken— Uow d'ye do?— Oh, its monstrous hot- 
 when will he begin ?--I longs to know my fate— I had 
 a prize last night ;— had ye— why what are you?— Oh, 
 I'm the beautiful maid at the foot of the hill. 
 
 Now Garner shuffles with a crack, 
 
 " Pray, ma'am, will you ?" " I've not the knack. 
 
 That lady, sir, will do it." 
 " No, Betsy, don't," says Mr. Snuffle, 
 " For if you either cut or shuffle, 
 
 We certainly shall rue it." 
 
 Spokcn.~-yy, sir— only to think it— she shuffled 
 t'other night, and out of six chances, I haddent not von
 
 25 
 
 prize. — Indeed! — Pray what were you put down?— 
 Norwal, sir. — My name is Norwal, upon Oborn-ill my 
 father keeps a shop. 
 
 Hem ! Number one begins the fun, 
 A prize! — of kick you've such a run, 
 
 You're worse than pretty Sally ! 
 I wow I tries and tries each night. 
 Lump, stump, and crump, yet still, in spite, 
 
 Fortune disdains to rally. 
 
 Spoken.— YeW, positively, if thisis not Pam, 1 von't 
 try no more, not upon no account, though I do think 
 one knave ought to stand by another. 
 
 Bankrvipt in luck and near undone, 
 Rather than quit this nightly fun, 
 
 Tag stakes his only shilling : 
 Great Pam — 'tis he — that slippery knave, 
 Can only now my bacon save. 
 
 If not to hang or drown I'm willing. 
 
 PARODY. 
 
 " O thou art all to me, Love.^^ 
 
 The tabby cat who guards my liouse. 
 Loves not to dart on careless mouse, 
 As I delight in thee, Pam ; 
 
 D
 
 26 
 
 The truant freed from school's control, 
 Loves not his treacle and his roll. 
 As I delight in thee, Pam ; 
 O thou art all to me, Pam ; 
 All that's worth obtaining. 
 The rooms, the sea, 
 Are nought to me, 
 Unless thy smiles I'm gaining. 
 
 PETITION. 
 
 I'm a poor little bard whose fate's very hard, 
 
 Tho' in station I live very high ; 
 My body is fixt, that medium betwixt, 
 
 A four pair of stairs and the sky. 
 I've heard people say, every dog has his day, 
 
 And at Margate they often get two, sir ; 
 With Garner so funny, they put in their money. 
 
 For a prize in the three shilling loo, sir. 
 
 I ever am willing, to sport an odd shilling. 
 
 While pleasure and profit's in view, sir ; 
 If money I lack, I dare not go back, 
 
 And my last shilling's now in the loo, sir; 
 Then Fortune be kind allho' you are blind. 
 
 Give ear to my sorrowful sighs ; 
 All sorts of evil I'll brave, so be civil, 
 
 And send me now back with a prize.
 
 27 
 
 SOLICITATION. 
 
 In vain I've try'd, in vain essay'd, 
 To gain a prize for my fair maid, 
 
 To deck her lovely form ; 
 The musa, alas ! her power has try'd. 
 Fate still her efforts have defy'd, 
 
 And rais'd the adverse storm. 
 
 O Garner, grant me then one prize, 
 'Tis for a fair whose sparkling eyes 
 
 Will twinkle forth her joy ; 
 Will think of you the live-long day, 
 While here at Margate she doth stay, 
 
 Thou fickle, gay old boy. 
 
 MARGATE. 
 
 This Margate is sure a most wonderful place, 
 
 And many a man's in a wonderful case ; 
 
 We have wonderful loos and wonderful verses. 
 
 Wonderful loves and wonderful crosses ; 
 
 Most wonderful ladies, of wonderful size. 
 
 With wonderful tongues and wonderful eyes; 
 
 Of wonderful donkies we've wonderful plenty. 
 
 And some of our pockets are wonderful empty : 
 
 Save your's, Mr. Garner, with pockets so long, 
 
 And they, I must think — sholdd be wonderful strong.
 
 28 
 
 AIR. 
 
 " Won't you come, Mr. Mug ?" 
 
 By trade I am a baker, and I'm come to play at loo. 
 
 For I think it very right to do as other people do : 
 
 I met some friends who told me, that your loo was all a 
 
 sham. 
 But other friends have coax'd me here, so here I wait 
 for Pam ; 
 
 Saying won't you, won't you, won't you, 
 won't you come, Mr. Pam ; won't you come, 
 Mr. Pam ? 
 
 My pocket is but light, which I think will hardly do, 
 To keep me long at Margate, or keep me long at loo ; 
 So only let me get a prize before my money's flown, 
 I'll bid good-bye to Garner's shop, and go back to my 
 own ; 
 
 So will you, will you, will you, will you come, 
 Mr. Pam ? will you come, Mr. Pam ? 
 
 INVOCATION. 
 
 Oh ! goddess capricious. 
 At length bo propitious, 
 
 And hear thy young votary's prayer ! 
 Let Garner still smiling. 
 To please allstill toiling. 
 
 Of thy favours dispense us a share.
 
 29 
 
 Whilst in Garner's gay round 
 
 Fortune often is found, 
 Her favours unlook'd for to bring; 
 
 ril e'en join in the chace. 
 
 In this lively place, 
 Nor despair of the Pam, ace, or king. 
 
 " Pray, sir — what is this Garner's one card loo, 
 
 'Bout which we've heard so much ado ?" 
 
 " Yy, ma'am, you see, you pays a shilling first, 
 
 Then writes a funny name, or makes a werse 
 
 Just opposite to sitch a number— then 
 
 You calls again at night, 'twixt nine and ten, 
 
 To see if you has blank, king, Pam, or ace. 
 
 One or the other's sure to be the case ; 
 
 And if you vins, you has it out in things 
 
 Treble the value that the prizes brings. 
 
 And laughs at all the other folks you know. 
 
 But if you loses — vy they laugh at you." 
 
 This town's full of odd fish, I tell you no story, 
 To begin with myself, I'm an old Jonny Dory, 
 The shrimps stand for dandies, the haddocks for waiter?, 
 The porters are pikes, most unsatisfied creatures; 
 The tabbies are thornbacks, the married are turtle, 
 The fry of young ladies forget not to flirt well. 
 
 d2
 
 30 
 
 Here's a beef-eating cit, rolls about like a porpiiSy 
 And Lincoln's Inn sharks with their Habeas Corpus ; 
 Many slippery fish we have here too, and really 
 One may meet with a few who are horribly scaly. 
 Here are crocodiles too, to tempt the young greenhorn, 
 And make him deplore that e'er he had been born ; 
 Of sharks on the quivive a dozen or more. 
 And of sweet smiling maids about half a score ; 
 In love with the dear soles, believe me I grow, 
 Three or four of the fairest I've just in m}'^ eye now. 
 Here are crabs out of number, they are usually old fish, 
 And lobsters on half pay looking out for the gold fish j 
 Of them we've but few, 'tis known very well, 
 I have seen only one and she's sanspareil ; 
 'Tis pleasant to see the youths all admiring. 
 At Hubbard's snug room the sweet singing syren j 
 The author's a lean fish, a herring in sable, 
 He's sure to be seen, swimming round the loo table ; 
 But with all its odd fish, he is charm'd with the place, sirs, 
 And would like it still more should his card prove an 
 
 ace, sirs. 
 And if any one here take his satire in dudgeon. 
 He'll boldly stand forth and dub him a gvdgeon. 
 
 " That all the world's a stage," our bard declares, 
 " And all the men and women merely players ;" 
 For even here from youth to reverend age, 
 We see a little acting off the stage : 
 
 I
 
 31 
 
 Men and their wives who fain would business drop, 
 Eager to hide, but cannot sink the shop. 
 Come here and act their part from Fortune's mart, 
 Lab'ring at ease, but nature's above art. 
 
 Says Mrs. Brisket, to her bulky spouse, 
 " Now, Ned, I'll not agree to leave this house, 
 Unless you'll promise not to mention trade." 
 " Indeed," says Ned, " I'm very much afraid 
 I shall forget." — " But surely you can try, sir; 
 And don't call me plain Bet — but dear Eliza." 
 At once arriv'd, henceforth they make a sally, 
 Glit'ring in all the pomp of Cranbourn Alley ; 
 A green silk petticoat, and over that, 
 A blue pelisse, and yellow beaver hat. 
 Soon they're invited out, — " Ma'am, I insist, 
 A cup of tea and a snug game of whist." 
 The tea withdrawn, and all at cards are set. 
 Ma'am Brisket calls to hubby in a pet ; 
 " Don t scrouge the lady, Ned." — " Me ! I don't touch 
 
 her." 
 " Did you, sir, make the cards?" — " No, sir! I'm a 
 
 butcher." 
 " A butcher! oh ! that joke I understand, 
 You mean, because you'll soon cut up ray hand ; 
 Well, that's quite droll, but to prevent mistakes, 
 What do we play for? pray, sir, what are stakes?" 
 Ned not seeing that his dear wife frown'd, 
 Says, — " I sells the best rump, fourteen pence a pound."
 
 32 
 
 Well, Garner ! old friend ! how do you do ? 
 
 And how goes on your fascinating loo ? 
 
 'Tis twenty long years since henceforth I went, 
 
 And for foreign climes sail'd from the white cliffs of Kent . 
 
 And still art thou toiling and lab'ring in trade. 
 
 While hundreds around thee their fortunes have made ; 
 
 But cheer up, my old boy, and let this be your text. 
 
 What I lose in this world may I gain in the next. 
 
 Now, Garner, with thy look of ease, 
 (A look that every one must please) 
 
 Around thee turn thine eyes ; 
 Select the fairest of the fair, 
 And tell her what I do not dare, 
 
 She is the girl I prize. 
 
 That 'tis for her I play at loo. 
 For her I any thing would do, 
 
 She is the Pam I claim ; 
 Grant me that prize and I will strait 
 Present you with a piece of plate, 
 
 Elizabeth's her name.
 
 33 
 
 When Dean Swift wished that he had clear 
 For life, three hundred pounds a year, 
 He neither knew or could presage 
 The expense of this expensive age ; 
 At Margate that would scarcely do 
 To pay for lodgings, dice, and loo. 
 
 You quizzical man for once give me Pam, 
 
 Or off goes your jazey, outright ; 
 
 I'll expose your bare pate, to Jane, Sue, and Kate, 
 
 And join in the laugh at the sight. 
 
 Mrs. Slender, a lady whose waist's three feet round, 
 
 Declar'd on her word and her honour ; 
 That this famed one card loo, had cost her a pound, 
 
 Which I think you must own's hard upon her. 
 
 Bui Jlesh is the loss Mrs. Slender sustains, 
 
 For here every night she would cram ; 
 And whether it hails, or whether it rains, 
 
 She must have a sight of Pam, Pam. 
 
 T'other night 'twas so hot, that poor Mrs. Slender, 
 
 Ever since been confined to her bed ; 
 For as she entered her room she fell down on the fender, 
 
 And sever'd near body from head.
 
 34 
 
 Mrs. S. bid me come and choose number eight, 
 Herself being confined per disaster ; 
 
 And she hopes for a prize she'll not be too late, 
 For she cannot get well any faster. 
 
 She thinks you the doctor and her shilling the fee. 
 And the physic she wants most is a prize ; 
 
 Then let us the face of Mister Pam see. 
 Or ace, king, or queen glad our eyes. 
 
 Since hobby's the rage. 
 
 From the boy to the sage, 
 Without them sure none can be wise ; 
 
 So the hobby I choose. 
 
 Is to put in the loos, 
 And perchance I may get a good prize. 
 
 There's the hobby reform. 
 
 Which our patriots adorn, 
 And make Smithfield market to ring; 
 
 But the hobby I choose. 
 
 Is to throw in the loos, 
 And perhaps got a prize with the king 
 
 There's the hobby of bathing. 
 
 And banks that are saving, 
 And walking the pier with a grace ; 
 
 But the hobby I choose, 
 
 Is to write for the loos 
 And gain a good prize with an ace.
 
 35 
 
 There's the steam hobby too, 
 
 Wliich you know is quite new, 
 That rocks you like babes in a cradle ; 
 
 But sooner I'd choose, 
 
 To put in the loos. 
 And get the club Pam if I'm able. 
 
 Thou little dispenser of prizes and blanks, 
 
 Prime agent to Fortune, that blind fickle jade, 
 VV^ho often has played me such terrible pranks, 
 
 To address her again I am almost afraid ; 
 So to you, little man, a votary now bends. 
 
 And modestly prays the best gift in your casket, 
 And if you refuse, her devotion here ends, 
 
 She'll never again pay a shilling to ask it. 
 
 Mrs. Brisket, O dear, has just come in the pier. 
 With spousy, six children, and maid ; 
 
 Who all being ill, wanted ship to stand still, 
 And wait 'till their qualms were allay 'd. 
 
 " My dear Mr. B I'll no more come by sea. 
 
 As now I have got safe on dry land ; 
 
 For all the rough rides in our cart with the hides, 
 An't so bad as the sail to this island."
 
 36 
 
 " We're safe now, dear life," says B. to his wife, 
 " So let's make the most of our pleasure. 
 
 Then away let us hop, to Garner's loo shop" — 
 Says she, " So we will dearest treasure." 
 
 " Pray, sir, will you make one in a sweepstake, 
 If you win, you'll have six chances more?" 
 
 " I declare and I wow, that I never 'till now, 
 Heard a steak called by that name before!''' 
 
 Mr. Garner explained — Mrs. B. her voice strain'd, 
 " Sink the shop, Ned, I'm quite in a fright ; 
 
 We prefer, Mr. G., to take number three, 
 In the two shilling loo of this night. 
 
 " Come let's our fate know, before Ned and I go, 
 
 Whether we've got blank or prize, 
 And I hope Pam or ace, will just show their face. 
 
 Or king, queen, or knave glad our eyes." 
 
 Once or twice sick by the hoy coming down. 
 Once or twice grumbling for pacing a crown, 
 Once or twice bathing to pickle their heads. 
 Once or twice changing horses and beds. 
 Once or twice running to libraries certain. 
 Once or twice crying behind the curtain, 
 Once or twice going to fam'd Dandelion, 
 Once or twice asking what I might rely on.
 
 37 
 
 Once or twice at the assemblies I have been seen, 
 Once or twice on the ocean a sailing I've been, 
 Once or twice to the play I went to be sure. 
 Once or twice o'er to Ramsgate with looks quite demure; 
 Now I've lost all my money to town I must go. 
 And no more at card loo will I e'er take a throw. 
 
 When first to Margate I did come, 
 I really wish'd for prizes some ; 
 I panted, pufTd, and long'd for Pam, 
 As I have oft for beef and ham. 
 
 To say that Pam was deaf to me. 
 Would wrong him much as well as thee; 
 He has been kind, and prizes given, 
 But I from Margate now am driven. 
 
 But 'ere I leave, once more I try. 
 And for him once again will sigh ; 
 O ! Garner, Pam and Fortune too, 
 Give me good-luck and then ADIEU. 
 
 Oh, who would not come. 
 Amid the busy hum, 
 Of the raffle and the loo. 
 And of pray, how came you? 
 Oh ! I came by the steam. 
 Ah, 80 it should seem, 
 
 B
 
 38 
 
 For you look rather warm, 
 Yes there's been such a storm. 
 
 I was do, sir, I pray, 
 
 Pop down Mrs. A. 
 
 We came so quick along. 
 
 Have you seen the new song ? 
 
 Oh ! there's my aunt Bridget, 
 
 Lauk, here's Mr. Fidget ; 
 
 Come let's throw the dice, 
 
 I shall win in a trice : 
 
 Then, dear Mr. Garner, 
 
 Here's my friend Mrs. Warner ; 
 
 Then the bow and curtsey. 
 
 That from Gravesend to Chertsey ; 
 
 There is not such delight, 
 
 To be found every night, 
 
 As in the room where we are ; 
 
 Now do pray, dear papa. 
 
 Only let me try again, 
 Fm sure I shall win. 
 
 Pshaw it's all stuff, 
 
 You've tried long enough ; 
 
 Well, well, before we go. 
 
 You shall have another throw. 
 
 There ! I told you I should win, 
 
 Oh ! you're a winning little thing. 
 
 Amid all this prattle, 
 
 We hear the dice rattle ; 
 
 On what number will you fix, 
 
 I will have number six ;
 
 39 
 
 Well then for fun, 
 
 ril take number one. 
 
 Thus time passes on, 
 
 And our cares are all flown; 
 
 And Mr. Garner can truly say, 
 
 Oh, what sight now charms my eyes, 
 
 Such lovely belles and beaus; 
 
 The last are like the tulips gay. 
 
 The former like the rose. 
 
 PARODY. 
 
 " The Erl Kingr 
 
 Who is it that deals out the prizes so fast. 
 
 While crouds flock around him and sweepstakes are 
 
 cast ? 
 It is Garner, who holds the dear cards in his hand, 
 And smiling young people expectingly stand. 
 Why trembles that lady, why shrinks she with fear ? 
 O, Garner ! O, Garner ! no prizes are near ; 
 I long for a king, be his beard black or white, 
 And I tremble for fear he'll not bless me to night. 
 O, Garner ! O, Garner I and dost thou not see, 
 For me and my daughter no prizes there be? 
 O hush thee, dear ma'am, set thy bosom at ease. 
 And lets have no murmuring, miss, if you please. 
 O, Garner ! O, Garner ! our number is near, 
 For me and my daughter no prizes, I fear ;
 
 40 
 
 O hush thee, dear ma'am, chace the frown from thy 
 
 face, 
 If the card is a six, I can't make it an ace. 
 Then Garner he shuffled, he dealt on with speed. 
 And kings, queens, and knaves came out briskly indeed, 
 And when he arrived at his card fifty-two. 
 He said to his hearers, fair ladies, adieu. 
 
 PARODY. 
 
 " Glorious Apollo.'''' 
 
 Black bearded Neptune* from on high beheld us, 
 
 Entering the temple of merriment and loo ; 
 Sent kings and aces hither to cheer us, 
 
 While we our chances in sweepstakes pursue. 
 Thus then combining, hand and pocket joining, 
 Long may continue our merriment and loo. 
 
 Here ev'ry lib'ral sentiment awaking. 
 
 Prizes inspiring ecstacy and glee ; 
 Shillings and trinkets giving and partaking, 
 Mirth and good humour all around I see. 
 
 Thus then combining, hand and pocket joining, 
 Long may continue your merriment with me. 
 
 * Side of Mr. Garner's house.
 
 41 
 
 EPIGRAINr. 
 
 Says Bonny to Johnny, " I'm coming to Dover." 
 Says Johnny to Bonny, " That's doubted by some." 
 
 Says Bonny, " But what if I really come over 1" 
 Says Johnny to Bonny, " You'll be over-come." 
 
 Victorious knave, 
 My bacon save, 
 
 Come quickly show your face ; 
 Or if not now. 
 At least allow, 
 
 My card to be an ace. 
 
 Gigantic Jack, 
 Of all the pack, 
 
 You are my heart's desire ; 
 Then now arise. 
 And glad my eyes, 
 
 Or dread my vengeance dire. 
 
 All glorious Pam, 
 Come never sham, 
 
 But spring forth to the light ; 
 Or else I loose. 
 Full all the loos, 
 
 Which I have here to night, 
 
 D 2
 
 42 
 
 PARODY. 
 
 " The Blue Bell of Scotland:' 
 
 O WHERE, and O where, does Mr. Garner dwell ? 
 
 He dwells in merry Margate to the joy of beau and belle ; 
 
 And it's O, in my heart, I hope he may do well. 
 
 O what, and O what, does Mr. Garner do ? 
 
 He diverts the pretty ladies with a merry game at loo ; 
 
 And it's O, in my heart, I should like to make one too. 
 
 O how, and O how, does Mr. Garner play ? 
 
 Why he gives us all a prize^ if blanks come not in the 
 
 way; 
 And it's O, in my heart, I should like, mama, to play. 
 
 Suppose, and suppose, Mr. Garner gives me Pam, 
 Why I'll shake my merry sides, to show how I can ; 
 And it's O, bless your heart, Mr. Garner, give me Pam. 
 
 If a man who turnips cries. 
 
 Cry not when his father dies ; 
 
 It proves for certain, he would rather, 
 
 Have a turnip than his father.
 
 43 
 PARODY. 
 
 " Airs mii:' 
 
 Deserted by kind fate, (and worse) 
 
 Wlien debts proclaim an empty purse ; 
 
 On Dane Hill, Fort, or on the Pier, 
 
 I seek for Hope my heart to cheer. 
 
 Then should some friend to Garner's lead, 
 
 My nerves are braced, new hopes succeed ; 
 
 What cheer, Garner, quickly show, 
 
 Have I prize ? say yes, or no : 
 
 No prizes, bless my heart ! not one ? 
 
 Above, below, good night, all's gone. 
 
 PARODY. 
 
 " Had I a Heart:' 
 
 Had I a purse with riches stored, 
 
 I'd often come to you ; 
 Yet though I cannot much afford, 
 
 My heart delights in loo. 
 
 The favors here that nightly fall, 
 In prizes from your tongue ; 
 
 The bosoms of the ag'd enthral, 
 And purses of the young.
 
 44 
 
 WELLINGTON. 
 
 On Waterloo plains, he loo'd the whole pack. 
 
 And made each foe to turn his back ; 
 
 But here, alas ! his loo, like water. 
 
 Is sorely troubfedm every quarter, 
 
 A thousand foes, each foe a slave. 
 
 To an ugl}' little paltry knave ; 
 
 To gain his favour, they spend their cash. 
 
 In hopes with Fortune to cut a dash ; 
 
 But to EnglaniTs hero, they're not e'en civil, 
 
 I've heard them wish him to the devil ! 
 
 If chance should dub him, a crownless king. 
 
 You'll hear it whisper'd in the ring, 
 
 " Oh, dear ! how lucky — pray who is Ae?" 
 
 " Oh, he was Napoleon,'''' says Fanny B. 
 
 An ace would certainly extort, 
 
 An envious smile from tall Bob Short ; 
 
 A queen, from " Steamboat,''^ would extract a sneer, 
 
 " I wish him in the boiler," says Engineer ; 
 
 And if a knave should chance to follow, 
 
 " Et lu Brute," would Brutus holla; 
 
 A ten, or e'en a smaller share, 
 
 Would make that wicked Willy swear, 
 
 Such luck, he never yet did see ; 
 
 " Oh ! damn his luck," says H. E. C. 
 
 In short, at every single throw, 
 
 He's sure to meet some deadly foe ;
 
 45 
 
 The only friend he now will court, 
 
 (Or sure as fate, give up the sport) 
 
 Shall be old Garner, (wlio gives him pluck) 
 
 With " Indeed, sir, you're quite out of luck." 
 
 Who while with smiles he thus bewitches, 
 
 Will make the male sex, pawn their 
 
 Beg pardon, ladies, for being so plain, 
 Forgive me! I'll not say so again; 
 E'en Miss Taken, in her Fortune shaken. 
 Will no doubt find herself Miss Taken ; 
 But if my rhyme, ye wish to cram, 
 Down my own throat, pray turn up Pam, 
 As quiet as a mouse I'll be. 
 And on Friday morning put out to sea. 
 Return to the counter (with many a tear). 
 In my fav'rite foe, the Engineer ; 
 To Garner, Fanny, Gil Bias, and Q., 
 Including Sam, Pam, Clarke, and loo, 
 And bid them all a long adieu. 
 
 My name is Delaney, of Connaught I am, 
 
 And came here to Margate to find Mr. Pam ; 
 
 And being a nate dashing light Irish boy, 
 
 I set off in my new fashioned barouch — the hoy ; 
 
 But all of my labour in vain I'm afraid is, 
 
 For like all other men — Pam runs after the ladies.
 
 46 
 
 DOROTHY DOWDY. 
 
 My shilling I send, 
 
 May Pam it attend, 
 And yet should he not be so civil ; 
 
 Let an ace stand my friend, 
 
 Or a king his aid lend. 
 Why then Pam may go to the devil. 
 
 PARODY. 
 
 " Heigho says Rowley^ 
 
 Two ladies came to throw at loo ; 
 Low bowM friend Garner, 
 " I hope you are well, madam ? Miss, how d'ye do ?" 
 Then he handed the dice and the sweepstakes they threw. 
 With three times four, 
 And sixteen more, 
 " A capital throw V said Garner. 
 
 The sweepstakes won, what was to be done ? 
 
 " Now, ma'am," says Garner, 
 " You've one in the three, and three in the one. 
 You'll have plenty of prizes, and plenty of fun ; 
 For simpering, whimpering. 
 Rattling, prattling, 
 All coine round," says Garner.
 
 47 
 
 And when lie came the cards to draw, 
 " Cut, ma'am," says Garner, 
 " Here's an ace, and a king, and a queen, good law ! 
 And as fine a Pam as ever you saw, 
 
 With their jerking, smirking, 
 Pattering, chattering, 
 Uncommon luck," says Garner. 
 
 Cries Dick, one morn, (whose ear was over nice) 
 " I cannot bear that stunning noisy pair o' dice." 
 Cried I, " 'Tis from that pair o' dice proceed. 
 This lovely group — a Paradise indeed." 
 
 OR, 
 
 Cried Ben, unsoftened by the young and fair, 
 
 " That little pair o' dice I cannot bear." 
 
 " For shame !" cried I, " 'tis those that here entice. 
 
 What seems, indeed, a little Paradise,'''' 
 
 OR, 
 
 " Heav'ns !" cries Sir John, (whose ear was over nice) 
 " I cannot bear to hear the morning: dice." 
 
 " Ofie, Sir John!" cried J, 
 
 " To that I must reply. 
 The morning pair o' dice procures, 'tis true, 
 The evening Paradise which liere we view."
 
 48 
 
 PARODY. 
 
 " Time has not thind my flowing Hair.''^ 
 
 Pam has not fill'd my flowing purse, 
 Nor bless'd me with a silver crown ; 
 
 Ah ! why so latel why use me thus ? 
 Till autumn points the road to town. 
 
 Let me enjoy the cheerful play, 
 Till many a prize my gains repeat ; 
 
 Pleas'd let me trifles take away, 
 For those I love in Tooley Street. 
 
 PARODY. 
 
 " O, Lady fair:' 
 
 O GENTLE Pam ! where is he lying ? 
 Hopeless I am, yet would be trying ; 
 Stranger I come, up Boughton mountain,'^ 
 And his sweet gains I'd fain be counting ; 
 Chill falls the card, unless 'tis his'n, 
 Dreary and dark's the way to prison. 
 
 PARODY. 
 
 " The Canadian Boat Songy 
 
 Nightly as tempts the ev'ning loo, 
 
 Our bosoms beat high, and our hopes renew ; 
 
 J
 
 49 
 
 But when of cash tlie tide is low, 
 We sigh out adieu, and away we go ; 
 Deal Garner, deal, the time flies fast, 
 The prizes are near, and my hope's not past. 
 
 PARODY. 
 
 " Hoiv Happy could I be with either. 
 
 How happy could I be with either, 
 A Pani, or a king, or an ace ; 
 
 But while you present me with neither, 
 Why sorrow must wrinkle my face. 
 
 I sigh, and I cry, and look sulky, 
 While still kept unfavor'd by all ; 
 
 But give me a prize that is bulky. 
 And then I'll sing, tol de rol lol. 
 
 PARODY. 
 
 " 0, ponder wellP 
 
 O PONDER well, friend Garner, pray. 
 
 And save my credit here ; 
 For on a prize depends my stay, 
 
 Or coming down next year.
 
 50 
 
 MR. GARNER, 
 
 Sir, 
 
 I have been in this here town more than a week or 
 better, and have been in your shop every day, and 
 every night, and I do like it monstrously, that I do ; 
 there is such raffling, such looing, such joking, and such 
 poetry reading, that I shall be as glum as a fog in 
 December when father's letter comes to call me home, 
 to that nasty vile shop in Pudding Lane ; oh ! how I 
 hates that stinking city. I wish (as the man says in the 
 play) I wish thePapishes would burn it all down again, 
 but now, my dear sir, as I have not long to stop in this 
 here dear delightful place, pray do give me summat to 
 take home to dad, if its onh'^ a hivory backey stopper, 
 for the old gentleman dearly loves his pipe of an arter- 
 noon ; so if you please I send three shillings, with this 
 here Billy Ducks, and hope you will let me have a little 
 prize, Pam, or any thing, I am agreeable : my friend is 
 just come in, and says I ought to have writted some 
 po-e-try, and I'll try what I can do, so here goes for one 
 of my Jew de spirits as the French calls em, but its quite 
 extrumpery, and you must hexcuse my mews, the rime 
 and all that there sort of thing. 
 
 You must know that our maid's narae is Sally 
 Crumpling, and she makes wery good dumplings, so one 
 day as she was a bringing up the said dumplings, she 
 kicked her foot somehow or other and down thty went
 
 51 
 
 dish and all, Vm dish'd if they didn't ; father was terriblo 
 angry, that's certain : so arter dinner I went to my bed 
 room, and I was not more than six hoars a writing the 
 following worses. 
 
 Oh, Sally dear, my charmer sweet, 
 Why don't you stand upon your feet ; 
 For if you don't, oh Sally Crumpling, 
 Ail over sand you'll make our dumpling; 
 And every day if thus you treat it, 
 How the devil are we to eat it. 
 
 And 80 no more this time, 
 From yours, 
 
 SAMMY PIPKIN. 
 0/ Pipkin Lodffe, Cambridge. 
 
 PARODY. 
 
 " O, then dearest Ellens 
 
 When snowballs in summer their gambols displaying, 
 Shall dance a quadrille on your library floor ; 
 
 Or when single card loo shall no longer be playing, 
 O then, Mr. Garner, I'll venture no more. 
 
 Till mirth and good-humour you love so to cherish. 
 From Margate shall fly, its attraction be o'er ; 
 
 Till the sea, the machines, nay, till Margate shall perish, 
 I'll not say, friend Garner, I'll venture no more.
 
 52 
 
 Not music's soothing power. 
 
 Nor Philomela's note, 
 When at the evening hour, 
 
 She swells her Avarbling throat ; 
 Nor all those charms together, 
 
 Can greater bliss aiford. 
 Than when we hear from Garner, 
 
 That charming little word, 
 
 PAM. 
 
 PARODY^ 
 
 " Oh slumber, my Darling.'''' 
 O Garner, my darling, don't slumber to-night, 
 But let a rich prize bless my ears and my sight ; 
 Of the kings, and the queens, and the aces I see. 
 Sure one must belong, Mr. Garner, to me. 
 Then bless me, sir, bless me, sir, so anxious I am ; 
 O, rest not, my darling, till you give me Pam. 
 
 Mr. Garner, you terrible Turk, 
 You've cut out a fine piece of work ; 
 The money Avhich ought to have paid, 
 My poor tailor's bill, I'm afraid 
 Is all gone at single-card loo; 
 My good fellow ! what shall I do ? 
 Now, bless your four * good looking eyes. 
 Turn, oh turn me up your best prize. 
 
 * Mr. Garner wore glasses.
 
 53 
 
 PARODY. 
 
 " Boys and Girls come otU to Play^ 
 
 Kings and queens, come out, I pray, 
 
 And knaves that shine as bright as they ; 
 
 Come, Mr. Pam, come out when I call, 
 
 Come this ev'ning, or not at all ; 
 
 I lose my supper and lose my nap, 
 
 And at last, I may not get a prize, mayhap. 
 
 THE WHITE RAG. 
 
 There was once a white rag, 
 
 That was found in a bag. 
 
 And sold to a Jew, 
 
 (Whom nobody knew;) 
 
 In the form of a shirt, 
 
 But torn and in dirt : 
 
 Worn out by a poet. 
 
 It's tatters well show it. 
 
 And from the hard drill. 
 
 It went to the mill ; 
 
 That was turned by the stream, 
 
 And came out a fair ream ; 
 
 To the bank that was sold, 
 
 From a note turn'd to gold ; 
 
 Which went in supplies, 
 
 To aid our allies : 
 
 f2
 
 54 
 
 To conquer the foe. 
 
 As all of us know, ] 
 
 Where at fam'd WaterloOy 
 
 They met with their due ; 
 
 Which brought us the peace, 
 
 That by right should release, 
 
 From each burthen and tax. 
 
 That were laid on our backs. 
 
 Thus an old piece of cotton, 
 
 Torn, ragged, and rotten ; 
 
 May to the last thread 
 
 Supply us with bread : 
 
 In this chemical age. 
 
 Turn out a fair page ; 
 
 And M'ith aid of a quill, 
 
 May make what you will. 
 
 Perhaps presented to your view, 
 
 Mis:ht form a scheme for Garner's loo; 
 
 Or decked in robes of d iff 'rent dyes, 
 
 Might start up Pam before your eyes. 
 
 Or studded with some precious ace. 
 
 Might draw down smiles from beauty's face ; 
 
 Or as a draft in bounty sent. 
 
 Might help to pay old Garner's rent ; 
 
 Or in this scrap might prove convenient, 
 
 To express myself your most obedient, 
 
 TIMOTHY SHORT METRE.
 
 55 
 
 PARODY. 
 
 " Said a Smile to a Tear.^* 
 
 Says a Card to some Dice, 
 
 Rang'd in order so nice, 
 On Garner's fam'd magical board 4 
 
 " I grieve, little Dice, 
 
 Before me you're the choice. 
 Of the hero, the statesman, and lord." 
 
 Sa3's the Dice to the Card, 
 
 " We think it is hard. 
 To forfeit the smiles of the fair ; 
 
 But the table they grace, 
 
 Gives you greatest space. 
 And you are the fav'rite there." 
 
 Says the Card to the Dice, 
 
 " I perceive in a trice, 
 We're twins, and Dame Fortune's our mother ; 
 
 Then let jealousy cease. 
 
 While united in peace. 
 We live the support of each other." 
 
 Says the Dice to the Card, 
 
 " We the prize will aw-ard. 
 In the game that makes so much ado ; 
 
 On the board we will dance, 
 
 And be thrown for a chance. 
 To the fair who would gain you at loo."
 
 56 
 
 Says the Card to the Dice 
 
 " I approve your advice. 
 And we'll claim our friend Garner's assistance 
 
 And certain I am. 
 
 While your name it is Pam, 
 Miss Fortune will keep at a distance." 
 
 PARODY. 
 
 *' Said a Smile to a Tear^ 
 
 Says a Bird to a Bee, as they flew round a tree, 
 " It's strange we are both here together." 
 
 Says the Bee to the Bird, " It's not so absurd. 
 Being shelter'd from all kinds of weather." 
 
 Says the Bird to the Bee, " Let's at Garner's go see, 
 
 If we can't get one prize in his loo." 
 Says the Bee to the Bird, " I think on my word, 
 
 When about it we'd better have twoP 
 
 " I vow," says the Bee, " if he gives Pam to me, 
 
 I'll ne'er use my sting on his face." 
 " And I'll sing," says the Bird, " such notes he ne'er 
 heard. 
 
 If he turns to my number an ace." 
 
 " Then turn up the card," says the Bee and the Bird, 
 
 " And our fate e'er we fly let us hear. 
 As we pass thro' the air if a prize we declare, 
 We'll hum a sweet tune without fear."
 
 57 
 
 PARODY. 
 
 '* Said a Smile to a Teary 
 
 Says a Bug to a Flea, " There's a Bird and a Bee, 
 In Garncfs fam'd loo've put their name." 
 
 '' Then I thnik," says tlie Flea, " between you and me, 
 That wu will, my friend Bug, do the same." 
 
 " I vow," says the Bug, " when I leave the warm vug, 
 
 If he turns up a blank to our number. 
 That both you and me, my worthy friend Flea, 
 
 We'll this night deprive him of slumber." 
 
 Says the Bug to the Flea, " We'll not let him see. 
 
 For his eyes we'll most certainly close. 
 If he dares to our face, refuse us an ace, 
 
 To quiet this night our repose." 
 
 " Turn the card, Mr. G.," says the saucy young Flea, 
 ^ " And our fate e're you sleep let us know. 
 And beware the sharp bite we'll both give you this night, 
 As our marks in the morning will show." 
 
 Written on a GentlemarC s having won several Prizes, 
 who put his Name down as Old Nick. 
 
 Mr. Garner, 
 
 On behalf of some friends who frequent your room, 
 And somehow contrive to sport cash to some tune ;
 
 .58 
 
 But o{ prizes so few do fall to their lot, 
 
 They think it must be by some charm they are got : 
 
 Did they not know you quite well, they would think it 
 
 by trick. 
 That so many of late have been got by this Nick ; 
 I've heard of nicking at hazard, the fun of the game. 
 And of nicking a horse— ^^but that's a great shame ; 
 But this nicking at loo, to get three Pams successive. 
 Must be surely some witchcraft — such luck is excessive ; 
 Had you given them among ladies who always attend 
 
 you. 
 Both I and my friends would most surely defend you ; 
 But to this Old Nick you are so wond'rous civil, 
 It cannot be for love, but for fear of the devil ; 
 Now as we all think you have given him prizes enough, 
 You'll turn up the next Pam to your old friend, 
 
 TOM TOUGH. 
 
 Mr. Garner, I trust you will not deem me rude. 
 If upon your attention I dare to intrude. 
 Whilst expressing my grief and sorrow sincere. 
 At quitting this place and its pleasures so dear : 
 But the fates have decreed that no longer I stay. 
 And to-morrow from Margate I must haste away ; 
 But indeed, Mr. Garner, between you and I, 
 I think I have very great reason to cry ; 
 For witli trying every night for a share in the fun, 
 I have emptied my purse, but a prize I've not one;
 
 59 
 
 Now, dear Garner, take pity upon my sad plight, 
 And give me, sweet Pani, to console me to-night, 
 Oh, then I will thank you, and with joy so sincere, 
 Will put into your loo if we come down next year ; 
 For indeed though I grieve to say farewell to the pier, 
 To the play house, St. Peters, and all the folks here, 
 Yet to none with such sorrow I utter adieu, 
 As to dear Mr. G. and his sweet charming loo, 
 Where so many evenings I happy have been, 
 And so many friends with pleasure have seen ; 
 But alas ! they are gone, and like them must I, 
 From dear Margate depart with many a sigh, 
 Therefore with a thousand good wishes for your happi- 
 ness and success to your loo, 
 I now take my leave, Mr. Garner — adieu. 
 
 In Margate's gay round what scenes are we viewing. 
 Each beau and each belle diff'rent objects pursuing ; 
 The morning commences with scrambling for places. 
 To yield to the pleasures of Neptune's embraces ; 
 After breakfast away they all go with their honies. 
 To jumble it down on the donkies or ponies ; 
 See the fat Wapping landlady mounted on high, 
 Her skill and her judgment determined to try. 
 But with her weight to trot, no notion has Ned, 
 So just sends her tumbling plump over his head ; 
 And as on the sands she lies squalling and bawling, 
 To the boy for assistance she loudly is calling,
 
 60 
 
 And declaring that sooner than e're mount again. 
 
 All the days of her life at home she'll remain. 
 
 After which they are off to partake of a meal, 
 
 Of which one might judge much want they must feel. 
 
 As the tables are groaning with all sorts of dishes, 
 
 Which might please even those the most choice in their 
 
 washes. 
 From the epicure, glutton, or nice dilitanti, 
 To the poor hungry devil with belly so empty. 
 From this time till night is engaged by rambling, 
 Or losing their money, I don't mean by gambling, 
 At Garner's neat shop, or more proper library. 
 Where together is mix'd both the cunning and wary; 
 Some rattling the dice box, some chatting, some read- 
 ings 
 And for want of a chance some poverty pleading; 
 Discontent in some faces for losing a prize, 
 Hope beaming in others as is seen by their eyes. 
 While anxious for Garner to confirm their doom, 
 With a prize or a blank oft they go to their room. 
 And think on their fortune with pleasure or sorrow. 
 Determined to follow the same fun to-morrow. 
 
 On ! 'tis painful to think how soon I must quit, 
 The beauties and graces so " brilliant and light;'' 
 
 The fun and the mirth, and the laugh, and the wit, 
 Which abound in this room through every night.
 
 61 
 
 0( the Julias, and Helens, and Rosas of loo, 
 
 Of the Lucys, and Charlottes, and lialf a score more ; 
 
 At length with sad heart I take my adieu. 
 And lly with regret from the scene I adore. 
 
 To Margate come to dorf his shirt, 
 And wash off all his London dirt ; 
 A little, mortal little man, 
 Little Peter Pattepan : 
 Little face and little nose, 
 And his little pettitoes ; 
 Little mouth and little chin. 
 And a little dimple in ; 
 Little hat and little cane, 
 Little smart and little vain ; 
 Little legs and little thighs, 
 And his little squinting eyes : 
 Little arms and little wrist. 
 And his pretty little fist ; 
 Little waistcoat little coat, 
 Little cravat xowxA his throat ; 
 Sometimes heaves a little sigh, 
 Little more than four feet high ; 
 Little like the turtle dove. 
 When he makes a little love ; 
 Little cupid shoots a dart. 
 Little passion warms his heart ; 
 
 G
 
 62 
 
 Vows upon his little knees, 
 His little dear he'll ever please 
 And having little else to do. 
 He a little plays at little loo ; 
 Little mortal, little man, 
 Little Peter Pattepan. 
 
 His subscription now fill'd the poet is willing, 
 
 In a single card loo to venture his shilling ; 
 
 And he begs to observe, he'd have done it before. 
 
 But his spirits were low and his purse was still lower. 
 
 Do thou then, dear Garner, the poet's best friend, 
 For fun or goodwill a helping hand land ; 
 And since fortune 'gins smile do show the jades face. 
 In the shape so alluring, of knave, king, or ace. 
 
 PARODY 
 
 " Othello's Address to the Senate.'''' 
 
 Most potent, grave and reverend Pam, 
 
 Thou very noble and approved good prize, 
 
 That I do wish thee, is most true, true, I'd have thee, 
 
 The very head and front of all my wishes, 
 
 Hath this extent, — no more.
 
 63 
 
 PARODY. 
 
 Tii sweet in crouded hoy with favoring gale, 
 From London Bridge to Margate Pier to sail ; 
 'Tis sweet to tell to make the cocknies stare, 
 The soft sensations we experience there : 
 'Tis sweet in Peter's Gardens 'neath a tree, 
 To eat hot rolls and swallow scalding tea ; 
 'Tis sweet at eve on the sea beach to stray. 
 By moonlight pale, and hear a donkey bray ; 
 But sweeter far 'midst fashion's motley crew, 
 To gain a prize in Garner's one card loo. 
 
 At a whist table in Margate was placed Mrs. Grist, 
 
 Her partner a butcher by trade ; 
 She brandish'd the cards in her brawny red fist. 
 She enforced with her voice all the mandates of whist, 
 
 Though she scarce knew a club from a spade. 
 
 The corpulent lady when nine was the score, 
 
 Won the trick by a fortunate trump ; 
 " What are stakes ?" she exclaimed with a masculine 
 
 roar, 
 The sly butcher replied, as he vitnv'd her all o'er, 
 
 " Nice and fat, ma'am, if cut/row the rump.^^
 
 64 
 
 PARODY. 
 
 *' Is there a Heart that never lov^d.'^ 
 
 Is there a heart that never lov'd 
 
 At loo a foremost place ? 
 Is there an eye can mark unmov'd 
 
 Friend Garner's smiUng- face ? 
 O bear him quickly back to town, 
 
 'Mongst cits alone to dwell, 
 Where noises rude, politeness drown. 
 
 And softer joys repel. 
 
 For there's a leer in Garner's face, 
 
 That tells me Pam is near ; 
 A king or queen, perhaps an ace, 
 
 And either would be dear. 
 And he or she who can resist 
 
 The charms of Garner's ranks, 
 By all the prizes should be miss'd. 
 
 And frown'd on by the blanks. 
 
 PARODY. 
 
 " The Red Cross Knight'' 
 
 Mount, Garner, mount thy elbow chair, 
 And thy card pack raise to view, 
 
 For the ladies are come from a distant land 
 In hope to win at loo.
 
 65 
 
 Loud, loud, friend Garner, blow thy nose, 
 And thy cambric wave on high ; 
 
 Let thy voice be clear, and the prize appear, 
 And the smiles will come right merrily. 
 
 Friend Garner look'd from his chair on high, 
 
 As far as he could see ; 
 '* I see a fine sight, all of ladies briglu, 
 
 From London come to me." 
 Then loud did Garner give a hem, 
 
 And laugh'd till he was hoarse, 
 " I see a fine sight, all of ladies bright, 
 
 Not one with an empty purse." 
 
 Down came of clubs the knave so black. 
 
 To a lady gay the prize. 
 And when she saw the beautious Jack, 
 
 Bright sparkled both her eyes. 
 Thou art welcome here, dear lovely Pam, 
 
 To bring of wealth a stock, 
 With thy smiles I'm content. 
 
 And thy worth shall be spent, 
 
 To-morr»w by ten of the clock. 
 
 PARODY. 
 " The Little Busy Beer 
 
 How doth the little busy man, 
 Improve each shining summer 
 
 And gather shillings all he can, 
 From ev'ry gen'rous comer ! 
 G 2
 
 60 
 
 How skilfully he reads the while ! 
 
 How neat he charms the dames ! 
 And labors hard to make them smile. 
 
 When the sweet prize he names. 
 
 In works of pleasure or of skill. 
 
 Let me be busy too ; 
 For Margate finds amusement still. 
 
 For idle hands to do. 
 
 In moderate prizes won at loo, 
 Let my first week be past ; 
 
 'That I may smile as I review 
 My cash account at last. 
 
 PARODY. 
 
 " The last Rose of Summer.''' 
 
 'Tis my very last shilling, 
 
 Left quaking alone • 
 All its shining companions 
 
 Are squandered and gone. 
 No silver nor copper, 
 
 No notes are in store, 
 My purse was a whopper, 
 
 But is so no more.
 
 C7 
 
 PARODY. 
 
 " The Young May Moon.'" 
 
 The one can! loo invites us, love, 
 The tlionght of Pain delights us, love ; 
 
 If we don't put in, 
 
 We cannot win, 
 And the hopes of a prize incites us, love : 
 Then do not look so chilling, love, 
 I hope you're not unwilling, love; 
 
 For I think we must have, 
 
 A king, queen, or knave. 
 So let us put down our shilling, love. 
 
 Here all the w'orld is tripping, love, 
 But those at the full moon peeping love ; 
 
 Yet here's a star. 
 
 More tempting far, 
 'Tis Pam from the card pack peeping, love; 
 Then stay and enjoy the fun, my love. 
 Here stay till the loo is done, my love ; 
 
 If you list to the rules, 
 
 Of silly old fools, 
 f shall certainly take you for one, my Idve. 
 
 PARODY. 
 
 •' Draw away, draw away, there's a good man." 
 '• That I will, madam, as fast as I can." 
 Make 'em and take 'em, an ace, king, and Pani, 
 And there'll be enough for me, Betsy, and Sain.
 
 68 
 
 PARODY. 
 
 " Lovely Nan.'" 
 
 Sweet is the milk that in the pail, 
 Streams our young bosoms to regale. 
 
 Sweet, oh sweet is gooseberry jam ! 
 Sweet's a dip in Margate sea, 
 Sweet (if sugar'd well) is tea, 
 
 Or a farmer's pipe, or toper's dram ; 
 O sweet are young blue Prussian pease. 
 But O, much sweeter than all these, 
 
 Is my delight, my lovely Pam. 
 
 Garner, man of soft persuasion. 
 Take my part, so poor I am ; 
 
 Seize, O seize, this kind occasion, 
 To revive my heart with Pam. 
 
 PARODY. 
 
 " Home, sweet HomeT 
 
 The pleasures of palaces are but a sham, 
 There's no place like Margate, there's no card like Pam; 
 A charming large prize seems to beckon me there. 
 Which, seek round the isle, is not met with elsewhere. 
 
 Pam, Pam, sweet, sweet Pam, 
 There's no place like Margate, there's no card like Pam.
 
 69 
 
 An exile from loo, Margate dazzles in vain, 
 O give mn my shop in West Smitlifield again ; 
 The calves bleating daily — the drover's loud call, 
 The lambs, and the little pigs loudest of all, 
 
 Pam, Pam, sweet, sweet Pam, 
 There's no place like Margate, there's no card like Pam. 
 
 PARODY 
 
 Se, saw, sacaradoun, 
 
 I'm come in the packet from London town ; 
 Her stern went up, and her head went down, 
 This isn't the way in London town. 
 But cock-a-doodle doo, 
 My dame is playing at loo. 
 Her master has quitted liis fuddling cup, 
 Determin'd to have a game too, 
 
 PARODY. 
 
 " IfVre all NoddingT 
 
 And you're all hoping, hope, hope, hoping, 
 And you're all hoping for pretty little Pam, 
 And you're all hoping, hope, hope, hoping. 
 And you're all hoping for pretty little Pain. 
 
 How's all with ye. Garner, and how do I thrive ? 
 
 And how many chances have I \ Madam, four or five.
 
 ...JO 
 
 And are they all prizes, say ye? Na, na, na, 
 For three of them are blanks, and the other is — (turn- 
 ing up a card) O la ! 
 Still you're all hoping, hope, hope, hoping, 
 And you're all hoping for pretty little Pam. 
 
 PARODY. 
 
 Great A, little A, bouncing B, 
 Pam's in the packet, but not for me, (or if Pam 
 turns up,) and O ! for me ! 
 
 PARODY. 
 
 Pity the sorrows of a poor young man. 
 
 Whose well fill'd purse has brought him to your 
 ranks ; 
 Whose money will not last do all he can, 
 
 O, give me Pam, and my companions blanks. 
 
 PARODY. 
 
 " Love has Eyes.''^ 
 
 Pam's here they say, why then delay ? 
 
 Can words Pam's worth impart ? 
 The verse is weak, himself must speak, 
 
 , To raise my drooping heart. 
 In one bright card what riches shine ! 
 O yes, believe me, Pam be mine.
 
 71 
 
 PARODY. 
 
 " Love among the Roses.''^ 
 
 Young Pam flew to friend Garner's bower. 
 To make more sweet the ev'ning liour ; 
 
 With kings, and queens, and knaves, and aces, 
 
 To draw forth smiles on lovely faces. 
 The beauties of the Isle of Thanet 
 Were there, but Pam was drawn for Nannette. 
 
 I OWN though to play I can seldom refuse, 
 This is singular loo, for the plural is loos. 
 
 PARODY. 
 
 " Rule Britannia.^^ 
 
 When one card loo at thy command, 
 
 To cheer thy visitors arose ; 
 This was thy table, the table where we stand, 
 Thy guardian angels, belles and beaux. 
 Draw, friend Garner, draw, kings, and queens, and 
 
 knaves, 
 To British ladies, willing slaves. 
 
 Though more majestic some may rise, 
 
 None give to wit a happier stroke ; 
 And the loud laugh, the laugh that greets the prize. 
 
 Serves well to hail thy frequent joke.
 
 72 
 
 Draw, friend Garner, kings, and queens, and 
 
 knaves, 
 For which we come o'er Margate waves. 
 
 The ladies all at Margate found, 
 
 Shall to thy crowded desk repair ; 
 Dear pack with aces (four aces worth a pound) 
 And kings and queens to charm the fair. 
 
 Draw, friend Garner, kings, and queens, and 
 
 knaves. 
 To British ladies, willing slaves. 
 
 PARODY. 
 
 " Who comes here V 
 " You'll see, my dear." 
 " What have I got ?" 
 " Not Pam, I fear." 
 " Where's my money V 
 "■ Safe with me." 
 " I'll begone then, 
 " Mr. G." 
 
 Since now 'tis the mode in these rhymings to sliine, 
 Mr. Garner be pleased to accept this of mine. 
 If the poetry's bad, yet take such as I give, 
 'llio' the verses may die — the goodwill will live.
 
 73 
 
 Would you know of the pleasures that Margate affords. 
 Or what can drive people from home by such hordes; 
 I think that it must be allow'd on all hands, 
 That novelty's rage most predominant stands ; 
 For without it, what soul would come in the packet, 
 When above and below they make such a racket ; 
 Cramm'd in the hold by doz'ns without number, 
 ''Midst the fume and the stench of dead and live lumber; 
 Or when landed at Margate, a whole set you surrounds. 
 Of waiters, with which this neat town much abounds ; 
 Who assure you they'll pay you much care and atten- 
 tion. 
 But of beds and provision the price make no mention : 
 And if you would wish to seek out for a lodging, 
 The courts and the alleys you're frequently dodging ; 
 Or chancing, perhaps, as you walk up the street. 
 You observe on a window •' A login to lete," 
 Which, of course, you translate as apartments for hire, 
 You think prudent to knock, just the price to enquire ; 
 To a garret you're shown, and would you believe it. 
 Two guineas per week, if you like — if not, you leave 
 
 it; 
 Then to market you go for whatever you wish. 
 And most likely your fancy will turn upon fish ; 
 You, perhaps, purchase two, or they'll sell you no 
 
 fewer, 
 And how nicely they look on the point of a skewer. 
 
 H
 
 74 
 
 As dangling along you go through the street, 
 And pop them against the first person you meet : 
 If for bracing your system by bathing you're willing, 
 For the pleasure afforded you must pay a good shilling; 
 Then head over ears away you go souse, 
 'Mongst the dregs that are flowing from ev'ry house : 
 Then at night, perhaps, with a friend you're carousing. 
 Or in the two shilling loo, your cash you're losing ; 
 Quite enough I have had to drive me from hence. 
 But assure you 'tis not with a little expense. 
 
 Mr. Tag, from Grub Street's just come down. 
 
 Ho ! ho ! says Garner, 
 He is a poet of might and renown. 
 And in Margate he '11 knock all their poetry down, 
 
 With his baggatelle, doggerel, 
 
 All for the lucky loo, 
 
 Played off by Mr. Garner. 
 
 But now he is come, will he scribble ? and when ? 
 
 No doubt, says Garner ; 
 He has often before, and am sure will again, 
 For nonsense flows freely enough from his pen. 
 
 With his voulez vous try the loo. 
 
 Good lucky number too. 
 
 Bang up to Mr. Garner.
 
 75 
 
 Now we attics of Grub Street, are all lean and lank, 
 
 True, true, says Garner ; 
 So pray, Mr. G. to a poet of rank, 
 Ne'er deal so unjustly, to deal him a blank. 
 
 But Pam, with grace, king, or ace, 
 
 Queen, with her pretty face. 
 
 Give to poor Tag, Mr. Garner. 
 
 How pure are the joys that benevolence yields. 
 
 Like SoFs cheering beams spread o'er the chill'd fields ; 
 
 The wither'd trunk of age his warmth revives. 
 
 Fond hope is cherish'd and the dying lives ; 
 
 May those who have means tlieir true interest consult, 
 
 And Garnei-'s support be the happy result ! 
 
 May the oak that this else wither d ivy has propt. 
 
 By the hand of Adversity never be lopt ; 
 
 May the friends and befriended tlirough life ever know. 
 
 The most heart-cheering sweets from benevolence How. 
 
 To-night of this loo I must take my farewell. 
 
 And also of Pam, king, and ace ; 
 For to London to-morrow, 'tis true what I tell. 
 
 In the coach I have taken my place. 
 
 To make me remember with much greater glee. 
 The pleasure that I have felt here ; 
 
 I'll thank you to turn up a good prize to me. 
 And a smile on my face will appear.
 
 76 
 
 I've oft tried my luck in your one card loo. 
 My blanks have been many, my prizes but few ; 
 The' now off to town, I still am quite willing, 
 To give spruce Mr. Garner, my very last shilling; 
 As my cash is all spent, this should be a prize. 
 Or poor little Fanny will cry out her eyes ; 
 So good Mister Garner attend to my case. 
 By just turning up Pam, a king, or an ace. 
 
 Mv wife, Mr. Garner, is very ambitious, 
 
 Which makes me, her husband, a little suspicious; 
 
 She longs ! — but you'll say that's not strange in a wife,, 
 
 Odds bobs but she longs for a king o' my life ! 
 
 Then give her a king to set matters to right. 
 
 And let her be queen if but for one night. 
 
 Well, Mr. Garner, how d'ye do ? 
 
 And how goes on delightful loo? 
 With pocket full of ready cash, 
 I'm just come down to make a dash ; 
 Your humble servant, here I am, 
 Just come to see my old friend Pam ; 
 And try to catch the saucy knave. 
 Courted alike by ga}^ and grave; 
 You oft have given me a king, 
 An ace too is a charming thing.
 
 77 
 
 Give me, oh, give me but a prize ! 
 To cliuer once more my longing eyes. 
 And I will rhyme whene'er I can, 
 ^ ou dear good-natured little man. 
 
 CLARA MAKIA EVELINA FANCIFUL. 
 
 PARODY. 
 
 " In the Fish Pond of Fortune.'''' 
 
 In the fish pond of fortune men angle all ways. 
 
 Some angle for titles, some angle for praise, 
 
 Some angle for riches, some angle for wives, 
 
 And some angle for nought all the days of their lives ; 
 
 In your little pool. Garner, angling I am. 
 
 For a prize call'd an ace, or that pleasing rogue Pam. 
 
 Once more, INIr. Garner, my muse I invoke, 
 Tho' verses for prizes I fear's all a joke; 
 The money I've spent indeed's been immense, 
 But 'i^ all chances were prizes never mind the expense ; 
 For all this last week I've had nought but blanks, 
 For which you'll allow you deserve not my thanks ; 
 But if, Mr. Garner, to-night you are kind. 
 And draw out a Pam just to please my vain mind, 
 
 H 2
 
 78 
 
 I'll continue my fortune, nor again I'll despair, 
 For to gain all the prizes T don't think's quite fair ; 
 And should my ill stars prove my money ill spent, 
 I'll pocket th' affront and own I'm content. 
 
 Good people I think it's all a sham. 
 In the pack I don't think there's a Pam, 
 But as many here have oft met it, 
 'Tis fifty to one / do not get it ! 
 
 O, WHAT shall I say, Mr. Garner ? 
 
 To obtain for my wife, Mr. Pani ? 
 She longs for the sweet tempting charmer. 
 
 Then gratify her if you can ; 
 Or else it may turn out a sad case. 
 
 Should it be, as likely it may be, 
 That a knave should be mark'd on the face 
 
 Of our next little innocent baby. 
 
 'Mid Fashion's varied throng, here nightly crarhm'd, 
 Crush'd, crowded, squeez'd, squash'd, jolted, jostled, 
 
 jamm'd ; 
 Where beau to belle, and belle to beau opposes. 
 The war of elbows ! and the shock of noses ! 
 When none can tell, (so close the union grown,) 
 Which is his neighbours seat, and which his own !
 
 7f) 
 
 Those who at Margate seek for health and peace, 
 Assemble here Hke flocks of unfledg'd g-eese ! 
 What can induce them to endure this stew ? 
 The hopes of Pam in Garner's one card loo ! 
 
 LOVERS QUARRELS, or FORTUNE'S FROLICS. 
 
 SI ^torg founlifli on .^art. 
 
 Dame Fortune, to raise discontent, 
 And plai^ue mantcind, was douiitless sent; 
 For tho' we all were born to trouble, 
 She often makes our sorrows double. 
 
 A CHARMING maid, her name was Jane, 
 Lov'd gallant Charles, who lov'd again ; 
 Such strong' affection ruled each lieart. 
 They scarcely could exist apart. 
 And in the bliss the truth conveys, 
 They long contented pass'd their days ; 
 At length, alas ! the maiden's peace, 
 Harsh (ate ordain'd awhile should cease ; 
 And though 'twas not for long duration, 
 The cause is worthy of narration. 
 
 At Margate liv'd this happy pair. 
 And well were known and honor'd there; 
 Jane was renown'd for every grace, 
 That can adorn the mind or face ;
 
 80 
 
 While he, for dignity of mien, 
 Was fine a youth as e'er was seen. 
 
 Now Charles when absent from his fair, 
 Would oft to Garner's rooms repair, 
 To pass a pleasant hour or two. 
 In social converse, or at loo ; 
 But fix'd the time he must depart, 
 To meet the mistress of his heart. 
 Alas ! one night engaged in play. 
 The hours unheeded pass'd away ; 
 And when the time for leaving came, 
 He still pursued the pleasing game. 
 Thus, luckless, let the period pass. 
 He had engaged to meet his lass. 
 
 Poor Jane, by trembling fears opprest. 
 While anxious thoughts disturb'd her breast ; 
 No cause divined why Charjes should stay. 
 So long beyond his hour away. 
 
 At length she thought, with fearful start. 
 Some other maiden shared his heart ; 
 Her mind misgiving, dwelt on that, 
 Until a thundVing rat, tat, tat, 
 Announc'd that Charles again was near, 
 To calm her mind, and sooth her fear. 
 
 But still with jealous fears opprest, 
 She thus her faulty swain address'd : 
 " And so you've deign'd to come at last, 
 Regardless of the hours pass'd ; 
 Regardless of the vows you've made. 
 You've flirted with some olh,«r maid.
 
 81 
 
 Ah, cruel Charles, how can you be 
 
 So /ickle, and so false to me ; 
 
 Wliile I have ever prov'd so true. 
 
 To love, to honour, and to you ; 
 
 And too, to add one insult more. 
 
 You knocked with vengeance at my door." 
 
 Poor Charles, abash'd, look'd grave, and sigh'd, 
 
 And thus to lovely Jane, replied : 
 
 " 'Tis true indeed, 'twas woman's power, 
 
 That kept your Charles beyond his hour ; 
 
 And true it is I'd wish to be. 
 
 For ever in her company ; 
 
 Yet, dearest Jane, dry up your tears. 
 
 Dame Fortune ne'er shall raise your fears ; 
 
 And 'twas to her alluring face, 
 
 I owe my present sad disgrace. 
 
 " This evening on pleasure bent. 
 To Garner's library I went ; 
 Convinc'd that there my times of leisure, 
 Were sure to pass in perfect pleasure. 
 Awhile I join'd in conversation, 
 On state of weather and the nation ; 
 And then, dear Jane, I went to view. 
 Dame Fortune's frolics at the loo ; 
 Invoking her to be propitious, 
 Methought I saw her smiles auspicious ; 
 i join'd the game, quite sure of winning. 
 Great Pam himself at the beginning. 
 But dire mishap ! an urchin came, 
 A favorite of the fickle dame ;
 
 82 
 
 Whose magic ' W A and C,' 
 
 Soon snatch'd the fancied prize from me. 
 
 " I tried anew, in hopes to gain, 
 A kingly prize, for you, dear Jane ; 
 But oh ! that little rogue became, 
 The kingly winner of the game. 
 A queen to win, I then made sure. 
 But still to vex me as before. 
 That little urchin's letters three. 
 Bore off the wish'd for prize from me. 
 Thus hour after hour pass'd, 
 With same result, until at last. 
 Sore vex'd with loss of time, and pelf, 
 And out of temper with myself; 
 I left in haste th' unfriendly loo. 
 And fortune's frowns to fly to you. 
 
 " This, my dear love, without invention, 
 Was the real cause of my detention. 
 
 'Tis true, indeed, that at your door, 
 I rudely knock'd, but shall no more ; 
 For if you will forgive what's past. 
 That slight offence shall be my last ; 
 And when I hear appear again, 
 I'll come with a ring, my dearest Jane." 
 
 August the 3rd. 1823.
 
 83 
 
 CHANCE. 
 
 " Come hallowed genius of my happiest hours, 
 Sweet poesy ! here bring thy wonted flowers, 
 Fan from thy fairy wings the rich perfume, 
 Such as young Zephyr steals where lillies bloom ; 
 Or where the violet in secret blows. 
 Or Hybla's thyme — or Persia's vermeil rose. 
 Weave in thy mimic loom the golden ray. 
 Which darts in splendour from the God of day ; 
 Iris, of Heav'n's still richer grace despoil. 
 And Dian's crescent recompense thy toil ; 
 From Venus self, the golden cincture bring. 
 Which God's adore, and poets love to sing ; 
 Come with Minerva's panoply, and haste 
 Thro' all the realms of nature, art, and taste ; 
 Eiirich'd by all, the critic's censure brave. 
 And lavish all their beauties on thy slave ! 
 Deck his young thoughts in robe of various hues. 
 That Fancy's self may wonder as she views ; 
 And wondering — still with rapture, new and wild. 
 Admire Imagination's fav'rite child." 
 
 Thus did I woo the maid — I fondly love — 
 Queen of the lyre ! — enchantress of the grove ! — 
 The nymph, to whom ail nature is allied — 
 The monarch's boast — the cotters humble pride. 
 
 But all in vain, the suppliant's deep tongutd l)ray'r, 
 And well-turn'd period, waste on desert air ;
 
 84 
 
 " The windy suspirations of forc'd breath," 
 And round me, slept a silence, mute as death. 
 
 In this dread pause, whilst on my couch reclin'd, 
 Sudden a rush of horror cross'd my mind ; 
 My brain was all on fire, and upward broke, 
 Volume on volume of ascending smoke : 
 While, from the gather'd clouds, on high was seen, 
 A spectre rising, meagre, wan, and lean ; 
 Scarce did its shrivelFd skin the bones conceal, 
 Or hide the famished worm's uncertain meal. 
 
 I mark'd its frantic gestures with dismay, 
 And trembled — as in seeming sleep I lay ; 
 For, as the meagrim w^ork'd, the phantom grew 
 A pigmy or a giant to the view ; 
 Chamelion like, each whispering breath 'twould hear, 
 And show the thousand hues of hope and fear; 
 Now shake aloud it's dry and rattling jaws, 
 With bursts of idle laughter I — then 'twould pause ; 
 With look of horrid doubt — and then awhile 
 Grin horribly on all — a ghastly smile. 
 
 Strange, too, the garb, these strange proportions 
 show'd, 
 And half expos'd — half veil'd, the demon God. 
 
 From the lank shoulder hung the tatter'd pall ! 
 And rich with sparkling gems, an eastern shawl 
 Turban'd, the bare and hollow skull ; one foot 
 A tasty slipper wore — of Iloby's cut. 
 And one was booted high and spurr'd wilhal, 
 Fitted alike, for feat in field or hall ; 
 To urge the panting courser's lab'ring breath, 
 And drive, with fell destruction, on to death !
 
 85 
 
 Or on the light fantastic toe to tread, 
 
 And weave the mystic dance, by Julia led, 
 
 One trembling hand, half raisVl, an empty purse. 
 
 And the parch'd lip gave forth the blighting curse; 
 
 The others grasp'd a visionary prize. 
 
 And doubtful joy flasliVl from his blood-shot eyes. 
 
 Ear-rings and necklace, bracelets, armlets too. 
 
 Were well supplied, by dice run thro' and thro'. 
 
 And these, like modern gems, more false than true. 
 
 To mark the age of chivalry, the sprite. 
 
 Wore the insignia of a modern knight : 
 
 Kings form'd the garter that adornM his breast, 
 
 And Pam, the star, that sparkled from his vest ; 
 
 But still one ornament was wanting more, 
 
 And long I sought what grace the dice-box bore ; 
 
 When, from the foldings, near his bloodless heart, 
 
 I saw peep forth, that foulest work of art, 
 
 A box, prepared by fell demoniac skill. 
 
 To turn the main, as ready dicer s will. 
 
 Wiien, on a sudden, downward gliding fleet. 
 The spectre, shrieking stood beside my feet ; 
 My limbs grew stiff, b}' soul bereft of will. 
 Seemed lost, and every drop of blood stood still ! 
 Fainting, I lay, when hollow murmurs broke 
 Upon the dreadful silence — as the demon spoke. 
 
 " Mortal, awake ! throw off this sluggard trance, 
 And listen to the mystic genius, — Chance — 
 Mine are the orgies, — mine the revels here, — 
 And mine the maiden's hope, — the lover's fear; 
 
 1
 
 86 
 
 The flush of keen desire and jealous hate, 
 
 Unjust suspicion, puerile debate : 
 
 Doubts, that a thousand needless follies speak, 
 
 And sure success, that wreathes the dimpled cheek. 
 
 My thousand temples raise the hallow'd dome, 
 
 To vie with Mecca's consecrated tomb ; 
 
 Nor do my priests more juggling tricks prepare. 
 
 Than they, who keep the prophet, poised in air ; 
 
 But, follow to the scene where Garner holds 
 
 The lure of invitation, — and unfolds, 
 
 With mystic hand and unassuming smile, 
 
 The rites and mysteries that your wits beguile ; 
 
 Draws and undraws the well wrought purse's string, 
 
 And deals, as Chance presides o'er Fortune's ring, 
 
 The lucky Pam, — the ace, — or subject king." 
 This said, away the demon spirit flew, 
 
 And with him all my fears and fancies too ; 
 
 Then first returning reason, coolly said. 
 
 Was this some idle dream by folly bred ? 
 
 Or came the fiend, whence hell's own furies rise, 
 
 Or was it Bonaparte in disguise? 
 
 Ah ! there 's the truth ! he spake of subject kingsj 
 
 And these are Bony's ordinary things. 
 
 No wonder Pam, the greater prize should draw, 
 
 Since knaves in France direct all rule and law ; 
 
 And cards, if ancient chronicles tell true. 
 
 Their earliest birth from Gallic cunning drew.
 
 87 
 
 A BACHELOR'S SOLILOQIA \ 
 
 Though long indeed I've led a single life, 
 
 Which, though not free from care, is free from strife ; 
 
 Yet still I think 'twere best to take a mate, 
 
 And try the comforts of the married state. 
 
 'Tis true a wife is said to be an evil, 
 
 Nay, oftentimes will prove a very devil. 
 
 Ho\T arduous then the task is to decide, 
 
 If best to take, or not to take a bride ; 
 
 Since then so doubtful this appears to be, 
 
 Suppose that chance resolves th' uncertainty : 
 
 And chance I trow for many thousands more, 
 
 Has oft decided on this case before. 
 
 At loo that chance I'll try, if prize it be, 
 
 I'll seek a blooming mate immediately ; 
 
 But if I thus a wife should fail to gain. 
 
 The single station I will still maintain. 
 
 To Garner's loo he goes, with this intent. 
 
 Resolves whate'er his fate, to be content ; 
 
 In haste arrives, in rapturous joy departs, 
 
 He gain'd a prize, it was the queen of hearts. 
 
 Mr. Garner, I'll thank you to tell all the ladies, 
 
 Tm now taking their likeness, for a painter my trade is; 
 
 But my pencil is magic, possessing the art. 
 
 Not to sketch features only, but pourtray the heart.
 
 88 
 
 I'll begin with the lady that's just now sat down, 
 Not you, miss, I did'nt mean you, — pray don't frown ; 
 I mean the young lady whose black piercing eyes, 
 Took that gentleman's heart dress'd in blue by surprise, 
 'Till this day he remain'd, to his single vow steady. 
 When he saw this sweet girl as she fell from her Neddy; 
 And now on her smiles all his wishes depends, 
 So to-morrow he'll ask the consent of her friends. 
 
 There's a widow here, pray don't be angry, my dear, 
 For your husband's been dead, you know, near half a 
 
 year; 
 Now as men these hard times, you know, are not so 
 
 plenty. 
 And you (I believe) are some years more than twenty ; 
 When he bids j'ou good night, and implores j^our consent, 
 Take a hint — give him hopes — or I'm sure you'll repent. 
 
 If I sketch little Garner, perhaps some may scoff, 
 And some tittering miss bid him, take himself off; 
 Yet the sly rogue can draic, and a very good cause, 
 Inspires his first wish — 'tis to dratv your applause. 
 
 TO FORTUNE. 
 
 Goddess of golden dreams whose magic power. 
 Sheds smiles of joy o'er misery's haggard face ; 
 
 And lavish strcAvs the visionary flower, 
 
 To deck life's dreary paths with transient grace.
 
 89 
 
 I woo thee, goildess, from thy fairy cell, 
 
 Where 'midst the endless woes of human kind : 
 
 Wrapt in ideal bliss thou lovest to dwell, 
 And sport in happier regions unconfined. 
 
 If sunk, O goddess, in thy pleasing France, 
 Let kings or aces deign one side long look, 
 
 Or nobler Pam, but smile upon my chance, 
 
 And grace the number which by chance I took. 
 
 MARGATE. 
 
 Many scenes this place embraces, 
 Many friends with merry faces, 
 Many reading, many pratthng, 
 Many at the dice box rattling ; 
 Many with empty purses sighing, 
 Many loos your luck to try in ; 
 Many prizes, many blanks, 
 Many trinkets for all ranks : 
 So all at Margate who love sport. 
 Bang up to Garner's, that's your sort. 
 
 This night I bid a long adieu 
 To lucky chance and Garner's loo. 
 And if it happens that this may be 
 (And why it should'nt I can't see) 
 I 2
 
 90 
 
 A prize; a Pam, I mean to say, 
 
 I 'II bless my stars and bless this day ; 
 
 But if my fate decrees a blank, 
 
 The ladies, then sirs, I must thank. 
 
 How 's that, you think, why hear me say 
 
 What I was told the other day. 
 
 By lady fair, whose chaming smile 
 
 Made my heart flutter for a while : 
 
 " Excuse me, sir," said she, " but 'tis true, 
 
 And many a one has provM it too. 
 
 That those who cards have never blest. 
 
 But robb'd them of their peace and rest, 
 
 Have in the lottery for a wife. 
 
 Been made happy, yes, for life." 
 
 A MOMENT'S PAUSE. 
 
 It must be so ! Garner, thou reason'st well ! 
 Else, whence this pleasing hope, this fond desire, 
 This anxious wish, this longing after Pam ? 
 Or whence this secret dread, and inward horror, 
 Of sinking to a blank ? — why shrinks the pocket 
 Back on itself, and startles at its emptiness ? 
 'Tis the base love of gold that stirs within us, 
 'Tis Avarice itself that urges on, 
 And boldly promises good luck to man ; — 
 Good luck ! thou pleasing but delusive thought, 
 Thro' what variety of hopes and fears.
 
 01 
 
 Tliro" what sweet expectations must we pass ? — 
 The tempting (latt'ring prospect lies before me, 
 Hilt shadows, doubts, and darkness rest upon it. 
 Tin weary of conjectures, — tliis once I Ml try, 
 (ndiU'rent in my choice, to win or lose. 
 
 TO MR. GARNliR. 
 
 Why should I try my chance at loo, 
 Erst, Garner, cross'd by Pam, not j'on 
 I own a drcssingcase would prove 
 An og-rement to chin and love ; 
 Backgammon board and ivory men, 
 VVitli knight and bishop, would again 
 Amuse an idle hour or two : 
 A candle shade, — 'tis very true. 
 In reading to m\' fair, might tend 
 To form the lover from the friend ; 
 But then to gain e'en one of these, 
 I have no luck do what I please. 
 You are above a bribe ; and / 
 May draw to all eternity, 
 Before I see the favour'd card. 
 Which will confer the hop'd award. 
 First will Reculver soar in air. 
 And smoke from steam packet look fair ; 
 First Bennfet's nags and donkey seats, 
 Will cease to roll along the streets,
 
 92 
 
 And misses fail our ears to plague 
 
 At bathing rooms, with battle of Prague. 
 
 Nay you, friend Garner, change your nature, 
 
 (Trust me, no flatterer, / tho' prater,) 
 
 And be once in your life uncivil, 
 
 Truth shall be false, virtue the devil ; 
 
 Ere I, howe'er I may importune, 
 
 Shall gain a hit, and miss Miss Fortune. 
 
 Yet chance may lucky prove at last, 
 
 And remedy the losing past ; 
 
 I try once more, and number one 
 
 Shall gain a prize or I am gone. 
 
 THE ELDER MISS NICK TO MR. GARNER. 
 
 My dear Sir, 
 
 As you was so kind to our family, on my former 
 application, (for though you did not give us Pam, 3011 
 gave us a lot of aces) which being divided among the 
 3^ounger children, has kept papa (Old Nick) in tolera- 
 ble good-humour. Now as we must be doing a little in 
 your way, during our short stay at Margate, I wished 
 to know what I could do that would be most likely to 
 conciliate that black Prince of Clubs; a certain young 
 gentleman (who must be nameless) with dark good 
 kind of eyes, that often, I assure you, looks very hard 
 at me across 3'^our table, says, " My dear Miss Nick, 
 write some verses and you will be sure to win, ftir all
 
 93 
 
 your family have a pretty turn for poetry, their very 
 names being poetical." " Indeed, sir," I replied, '' I 
 was not aware of it, for all my poetry had been blank 
 verse." However we agreed to compose together, and 
 herewith you have our first production — bad enough 
 you will say — but who knows what futurity may bring 
 lorth by our joined exertions. 
 
 Come ladies fair and gents so gay. 
 Let's to Garner's haste away, 
 For there you laugh and jhere you play, 
 At all bewitching loo. 
 
 For tho' the ladies cash is low, 
 And vex'd with often loosing so, 
 Still to beloved loo they go, 
 
 Which soon dispels alarm. 
 
 They soon forget the danger past, 
 And hope to win at the next cast. 
 And the dear Pam to hold him fast, 
 
 His smile's a pleasing charm. 
 
 The gents too with each other vie. 
 And Jack, and Luck, and Nick all try. 
 With A. B. B. and Mrs. C. 
 
 And Laura's charming I. 
 
 But short their hopes and fears must be. 
 
 In the surrounding company. 
 
 For Pam is gone this night d'ye see. 
 
 To MISS GRISELDA NICK.
 
 94 
 
 LOO, VERSUS WHIST, &c. 
 
 Altho' quadrille, or whist, or chess, 
 May please an hour or two. 
 
 Yet they can never charms possess. 
 Like those of Garner's loo. 
 
 Besides, that is an easier game. 
 
 The others are confusing ; 
 Tho' loo will often prove the same. 
 
 To those who may be los'mg 
 
 Loo gives the name to many a maid, 
 Of " Fortune's favorite daughter 
 
 And pleases more, the more 'tis play'd, 
 Whether on land or water. 
 
 Our foes, alone, from this dissent. 
 
 Since they will ever rue. 
 The dismal dreary day they spent. 
 
 And lost at xcater — loo. 
 
 
 Oh, Garner, your loo issurely the devil, 
 For both young and old cry pray, Pam be civil ; 
 And I that am trying every night in the week. 
 Have surely a right Pam's favors to seek : 
 But I know he's as fickle, uncertain, and shy, 
 As Cupid when ever his arrows let fly ;
 
 95 
 
 iTowevcr, I promise if this night you deceive me, 
 And of Pam, ace, or king, you dare to bereave me, 
 Witliout more ado a grave I will dig. 
 In which shall be buried your little spruce wig. 
 
 Mr. G. 
 
 Can it be, 
 Very right, 
 Ev'ry night. 
 That no prize, 
 Charms my eyes; 
 Sure I am, 
 Mr. Pani, 
 Ought to be, 
 Turn'd up to me. 
 This I know, 
 I must go, 
 If you still, 
 Use me ill ; 
 Give me then. 
 Best of men, 
 Any thing, 
 Queen or king, 
 Ace or knave 
 Is all I crave. 
 But if HO, 
 Ofllgo.
 
 9(5 
 
 An old friend, my dear Garner, don't view with new face, 
 If Pam you can't spare me, then give me an ace ; 
 Should the ace be engaged let a king be my lot, 
 Or a queen or a knave, or I do not care what. 
 Some trifle at least let thy bounty dispense, 
 For if fortune should frown I must soon depart hence, 
 If bad luck be the fate of your honest John Hearty, 
 From this time he declines to be one of your party. 
 
 MARGATE. 
 
 Good lack, what a wonderful year. 
 
 When our packets (their sails laid aside). 
 
 With large smokj^ chimnies appear, 
 
 And monstrous mill wheels at their side. 
 
 Well, I vow, all the fashions are queer. 
 
 For strait waistcoats are worn by our Jacks, 
 
 W^hile our ladies in trousers appear, 
 With buffalo, humps on their backs. 
 
 Tlien their shoulders, poor things, are so bare, 
 .And their petticoats too are so short. 
 
 That w henever I walk on the pier. 
 I am sure to see more than I ought. 
 
 QUIZ,
 
 97 
 
 Philosophers of old did luck deny, 
 
 Then, why meet here each night our luck to try ? 
 
 The old philosophy was all a sham, 
 
 Its doctrines are disprov'd to-night by Pam. 
 
 Besides, the laws of chance are with the fair. 
 
 For where Miss Take is found. Miss Chance is there; 
 
 Miss Fortune losing Pam, may take a ring, 
 
 But with Miss Conduct there is no such thing. 
 
 O YES ! O YES ! O YES ! 
 
 Lost or mislaid, or stolen, or strayed. 
 The heart of a young damsel, just turned of eighteen, 
 The goddess of smiles and of beauty the queen j 
 Who, ilirting,t'other night with an officer gay, 
 "Tis supposed in the dance that he stole her heart 
 away. 
 
 It is therefore earnestly requested that the said thief 
 will immediately restore this inestimable jewel, or at 
 least, one equally valuable, that it may be reset in the 
 vacant case, the lady finding it quite impossible to 
 exist in her present heartless condition. 
 
 Whoever to this lady this same precious gem will 
 bring,
 
 98 
 
 Besides the satisfaction 
 Of doing a good action, 
 Shall receive a dozen kisses to reward him for his 
 
 trouble, 
 But if restored by the robber, his reward shall be 
 double; 
 
 God save the king. 
 
 As my stay here in Margate is not very long, 
 
 I have taken a view of your social throng ; 
 
 There 's first Poll}'^ Hopkins and Don Giovanni, 
 
 No Luck, Bad Luck, and sweet Kitty Kearney, 
 
 Pat Murphy, a native of the Emerald Isle, 
 
 Here, nightly, his hours and shillings beguile ; 
 
 With Cedric, who's throwing from morning till eve, 
 
 In fact, he the dice box never can leave ; 
 
 There's No Go, Doctor Syntax, Eliza Cabash, 
 
 The last is the man I like most to thrash ; 
 
 There's numerous Sarahs, Marias, and Janes, 
 
 Who to please, at all times, Mr. G. takes great pains. 
 
 Now having reviewed all the players at loo, 
 
 It's time, I consider, to bid you adieu ; 
 
 Wishing Garner long life, for the pleasure he gives, 
 
 And success to his raffles as long as he lives.
 
 99 
 
 ST. SWITHIN. 
 
 So St. Swithen's gone by, 
 Without. rain from the sky. 
 
 While Margate and Ramsgate complain, 
 That their cliffs are as hot, 
 As a steam vessel's pot, 
 
 For want of a week or two's rain. 
 
 And the apples all cry. 
 Dear Saint we're so dry, 
 
 Come sprinkle us soon with some rain, 
 Or else from the top. 
 Of the twigs we shall drop, 
 
 And ever unchristened remain. 
 
 See, the ladies not less, 
 Declare by their dress. 
 
 That the " moments are melting," indeed. 
 For the leno's so thin. 
 You may see the bare skin, 
 
 As pink as a pretty sea weed. 
 
 So moisten our eyes. 
 
 This hot night with a prize. 
 
 Pray give me an ace or a king, 
 And we'll no more complain. 
 But wait for the rain. 
 
 While in praise of dear Margate vre'll sino-.
 
 100 
 
 As I walk'd on the cliff yesterday, 
 
 The weather delightfully fair. 
 My hat and my wig blew away, 
 
 And left me bald headed and bare. 
 
 The ocean received the rich prize. 
 Which instantly sunk from my sight ; 
 
 As Neptune, for so I surmise, 
 
 Claim'd my hat and my wig as his right. 
 
 I have look'd on the side of this house, 
 And 'tis clear Neptune don't want a wig, 
 
 But his dear Amphitrite, his lov'd spouse, 
 Is as bald as a new scalded pig. 
 
 Oh, what a sly fellow was he. 
 
 To leave me no hat, wig, or hair; 
 
 And truly, my friend, Mr. G. 
 
 What to do I don't know I declare. 
 
 Have pity then, dear Amphitrite, 
 Nor let me my loss long deplore ; 
 
 But yield me in prizes to-night, 
 At least the tenth part of a score. 
 
 My fate, Mr. G. let me hear. 
 For this is my only chance left ; 
 
 Come Pam, king, or ace now appear, 
 Or else I'm of hope quite bereft.
 
 101 
 
 FORTUNE. V 
 
 Fortune on her magic wheel, 
 Blindly deals her gifts around ; 
 
 Nor can art or skill reveal, 
 
 Where her favours may be found. 
 
 If you court her, she is coy. 
 
 Shun her, and she proves more kind ; 
 While you grasp the promised joy. 
 
 She eludes you like the wind. 
 
 AN ADIEU TO MARGATE. 
 
 Dear Margate adieu, to-morrow I leave. 
 And shall join in your pleasures no more ; 
 
 But I beg, Mr. Garner, my thanks you'll receive, 
 For politeness bestow'd o'er and o'er. 
 
 Of all the smart rooms that the gay ones frequent, 
 
 Mr. Garner, my fav'rite, is thine, 
 For the goddess of taste has her influence lent, 
 
 And with her good-nature doth shine. 
 
 And tho' ne'er again I should visit this isle 
 
 Of Thanet, so fam'd far and near, 
 I shall hope that good Fortune's favour will smile, 
 
 On endeavours to please so sincere , 
 
 K 2
 
 102 
 
 <. 
 
 " Pray where are you going," says hubby, " to- 
 night ?" 
 
 " To Garner's," says I, « don't be in a fright !" 
 
 " To Garner's," says he, " why you're always a gad- 
 ding." 
 
 " And would you have one at home for ever fid fadling ? 
 
 There's no wife," says I, " but what goes out some- 
 times. 
 
 And I must go to hear the loos and the rhymes." 
 
 So now, Mr. G., pray give me a prize. 
 
 Then my hubby will look with less angry eyes. 
 
 To find out a simile for this busy town, 
 
 Though 'twould puzzle our poets of highest renown ; 
 
 Yet each lady that travels from Shoreditch so nice. 
 
 Declares and pertests 'tis a true pare-a-dise. 
 
 " Dear ma'am, (said a wag) that never can be, 
 
 'Tis not one pair-o' -dice, for at loo we use three.'''' 
 
 Said Surly, " The lady is right, by her rules 
 
 'Tis indeed Paradise, but only o{ fools.'''' 
 
 PARODY. 
 
 ViLL ViPSTiTCH, a neat working lad, 
 A tailor, come down from the city, 
 
 Having no body lining is sad, 
 So pray, Mr. Garner, have pity ;
 
 103 
 
 Else, oh, vat vill become of me? 
 
 Oh, vat shall I do ?' 
 I've spent all my money at Margate, 
 
 And nothing can save me but loo. 
 
 Yet e'en the ninth part of a prize, 
 
 Voud conwert all my sorrow to joy. 
 But a blank vill so strengthen my sighs, 
 
 They vill vaft me quick ome in the oy. 
 Then oh, vat vill become of me ? 
 
 Oh, vat vill I do? 
 My vife vill be making such game of me. 
 
 Nothing can save me but loo. 
 
 ■o 
 
 Then a tailor's petition pray hear. 
 
 Stiff as buckram, he'll still be your friend, 
 Nor, a button for sorrow will care, 
 
 If Misfortune have here her fag end. 
 Then oh, vat vill become of me ? 
 
 I know vat it vill do ; 
 If you do but just turn up a Pam for me, 
 
 'Twill conwert my von goose into two. 
 
 Oh, oh, oh — nothing is equal to loo. 
 
 TO FORTUNE. 
 
 Of all the torments all the cares, 
 With which our lives are curst ; 
 
 Of all the sorrows that we bear, 
 A rival is the worst.
 
 104 
 
 By partners of another kind, 
 
 Affections easier grow ; 
 In love alone we hate to find, 
 
 Companions in our woe. 
 
 Fortune for all these griefs you see, 
 
 Arising in my breast ; 
 I beg not that you'll pity me, 
 
 Would you but slight the rest. 
 
 Ilowe'er severe j^our rigours are, 
 Alone with them Fd cope ; 
 
 Then drive mfe not to fell despair, 
 Oh give some cause for hope. 
 
 Then shall I shed a tear of joy, 
 
 Rais'd 'bove each bold compeer : 
 Proved to the world thy darling boy. 
 Is Cupid's engineer. 
 
 Bap luck is my lot, so I push off my boat. 
 For to night I have changed my last guinea ; 
 
 Far better for me had I still been afloat, 
 Than been here spending cash like a ninny. 
 
 Muster Garner, my pilot, has wreck'd my poor purse, 
 
 And he says, that he pities my case ; 
 But my money is gone, and what is still worse, 
 
 I have neither got Pam, king, or ace.
 
 105 
 
 Then farewell to these scenes of delight, mirth, and joy ! 
 
 Dear friend G. I must bid you adieu ! 
 To-morrow, at six, I embark in the hoy. 
 
 In the midst of a curious crew. 
 
 Mr. Ledger, Tom Coddle, and prudish Miss Wren, 
 Who has seen forty summers, and- hates all the men ; 
 
 Old Doctor Bamboozle, and Captain O'Thunder, 
 The milliner Flirt, and fat Alderman Blunder. 
 
 WuEfi famed Reculver shall ascend the sky ! 
 And Cecil Square be filled with apple pie ! 
 When cock.^ and hens are fed on stale small beer ! 
 And Neptune drives a ffiy on Margate pier / 
 When sucking pigs shall sing in every grove ! 
 And oysters fatten in a Romford stove ! 
 When pickled salmon from the clouds shall drop. 
 And Bonaparte keeps a chandler's shop ! 
 Wonders shall cease — e'en falsehood shall be true I 
 And Pam be mine in Garner^ s one card loo ! 
 
 Shakespeare has said, that " All the world's a stage." 
 Both true and trite ! but loo is now the rage. 
 To show like ages — the various ventures here, 
 I, seven of them now, will make appear. 
 First, for th' infant who can scarcely prattle, 
 Mamma will try to take her/je^ a rattle.
 
 106 
 
 The SCHOOL-BOY next, now ventures in the loo, 
 And for a prize most earnestly does sue. 
 The LOVER sighing with woful ballad. 
 Tries for his love, a spoon and fork for salad ; 
 But I fear, as housekeeping he'll soon begin, 
 She'll find he's oil without, and vinegar within. 
 The SOLDIER nex?t, who boldly braves the war». 
 He oxAy gains when in his country's cause. 
 The WEALTHY CIT, with pockets here well lin'd, 
 His cash adventures, and hopes a prize to find. 
 For as from shop, he now has got adrift. 
 He must take home some pretty " Margate gift." 
 The aged matron, for darling grandchild tries 
 Her luck, in hopes to gain the dear a prize. 
 For the last age / breathe a longing sigh. 
 But I expect no prize ! indeed ! not I ! 
 Therefore, my muse, kind Garner, now will sing, 
 Sans Pam ! sans ace ! sans king 1 sans ev''ry thing ! 
 
 Well, I always lov'd Cheapside till now, 
 But Margate is much the prettiest, I vow ; 
 The sea's so pleasant, and in every street 
 The town's so clean, the air's so sweet ; 
 Then here's the libraries and the loo. 
 Where, for a shilling only, you gain two. 
 
 Nay, I've heard sometimes, 'tis even more, 
 For three shillings only, you gain two score
 
 107 
 
 And here are such charming things to buy, 
 For such a trifle too, — who wou'd not try ; 
 " Look, mamma, such ear-rings and a brooch. 
 They make me long when I approach. 
 
 " They're just the thing for me you know, 
 
 If / to Lord Mayor's ball sliou'd go. " 
 
 " The very thing, child, upon my life." 
 
 " The very thing, indeed ! shame, shame, wife; 
 
 To teach the girl to like such trash, 
 
 And thus to waste her father's cash ; 
 
 " In dangling finery from her ears. 
 
 How thoxightless such extravagance appears.'' 
 
 " But don't you know, Mr. Crusty, dear, — 
 
 Now dorCt be so angry — do pray come here. 
 
 It is no more than all the ladies wear." 
 
 " Why, zounds ! wife, you'd make a parson swear. 
 
 " You'd go on gambling, and never stop. 
 But lose the worth of half my shop : 
 No, no, / wont hear you, — I again repeat, 
 I don't pick up money in the street." 
 " Well, well, you don't do that, I know, 
 Nor do I to the ball much care to go. 
 
 " You heard the offer of neighbour Pricket, 
 To procure the girl and me a ticket ; 
 And 't wou'd be a pity when she's drest, 
 To have her look unlike the rest;
 
 108 
 
 'Tis better far to refuse before, 
 
 Than it should be said her father's poor." 
 
 " What ! me poor ! zounds, at the very thought I'm 
 
 choaking, 
 Oh wife, wife, this — this is no joking ; 
 /, who long have hv'd so close, to gain 
 Riches, at last to meet with such a stain," 
 *' Be soft, dear Crusty, I only said, in case 
 She look'(^ not well, it might take place ; 
 
 " But you are so hd.?,iY-— indeed, 'tis you. 
 You'll never hear me out — "'tis really true^ 
 " Mrs. Crusty, you always try to put me in a rage. 
 And you ought to know better, atyowrage." 
 " Dear Mr. Crusty, the fault is yours not mine. 
 For when I would explain — then you decline. 
 
 " And if I only speak about the fashion, 
 
 You know yon always fly in such a passion." 
 
 " Yes, wife, so you always say, tho' 1 know best. 
 
 And often put your temper to the test ; 
 
 No matter, I'm rich, and if our girl can show it. 
 
 Our neighbours — all the City e'en shall know it. 
 
 " She shall go — I'm resolv'd — and go smart too, 
 For nothing shall be wanting I can do ; 
 So let her be for once most handsome drest, 
 With rings and gew-gaws equal with the best.
 
 109 
 
 Here, child, for brooch and necklace, go and throw the 
 
 dice, 
 And choose some lucky numbers in a trice ; 
 I'll have it said that Crusty's daughter shone, 
 F.({ually with ladies of the highest ton." 
 
 " Nathan, I'm very much concern'd to know, 
 Thee'st put in neighbour Garner's one card loo. 
 What evil spirit could have moved thee so?" 
 " Why Habakkuk and Ruth have both put in ; 
 Nay, Nehemiah said, that should I win, 
 lie did not think 'twould be so great a sin." 
 " Yea, verily, 'tis goodly to have Pam, 
 Else I account it a sad worldly game, 
 So public too ! 'tmight injure ones fair name." 
 " Vy all dish yea and nay before de town, 
 If it be lawful put de shillingsh down ; 
 Yet, might I speak, my fav'rite shentiment, 
 I'd lend de moneysh and get shent per shent." 
 
 A LAWYER claims your tender care, 
 Oh ! Garner save me from despair ; 
 My client's gone, briefs at an end, 
 And nought but Pam can be my friend. 
 
 L
 
 • 110 
 
 I cou'd say much for modesty, 
 
 And eke as much for honesty ; 
 
 But on their own merits modest men are dumb, 
 
 Plauditi et velite, terenee — hum ! 
 
 A POOR little match girl, great Garner, am I, 
 My freedom forgive, and pray let me try. 
 
 My luck in a single card loo. 
 Though a duchess and countess appear on the list. 
 What duchess or countess can Fortune resist? 
 Then prithee, great sir, give the next card a twist, 
 
 And show us what Fortune will do. 
 
 " At Garner's loos how many pounds are won 
 
 And lostj''' quoth miss, " but that you know, sir's, fun." 
 
 " Fun d'ye call it, miss? — to (hat I can't agree, 
 
 For what is ' fun to you — is death to me ;' 
 
 If losing's fun! pray what is winning, ma'am?" - 
 
 " 'Tis winning, sir, to get king, ace, or Pam." 
 
 I DREAMT last night of number five, 
 Atid on it now I mean to fix, 
 
 But as that number may not thrive, 
 I've also pitch'd on number six. 
 
 JSfe....
 
 Ill 
 
 If both are blanks, I do declare, 
 I'll bite my lips, nor care a fig ; 
 
 Biit when at homo, Til tear my hair. 
 Oh no — I mean — fjl tear my wig. 
 
 At Garner's library whore the beaus resort, 
 
 And at the shrine of Plutus, make their court. 
 
 Each night, a monkey struts, in gay attire. 
 
 Before the glass, his person to admire; 
 
 Some imitation of the man he bears. 
 
 And on his back, a coat of blue, he wears 
 
 Waistcoat and trousers, like our modern beaus, 
 
 Of blue and white, for so the fashion goes ; 
 
 For monkies, when they imitate the man, 
 
 Wish to exceed the pattern if they can ; 
 
 His empty head, a hat of chip adorns. 
 
 If he were married, I should think he'd horns. 
 
 For so uneasy it appears to fit on. 
 
 He's every moment altering the position, 
 
 Perhaps, indeed, the texture of his pate, 
 
 Is formed so soft, he can't endure its weight. 
 
 Which makes him take such wondrous care and pains, 
 
 Lest it should crush his little store of brains ; 
 
 But let him not, ye fair, monopolize 
 
 The brilliant object which attracts your eyes. 
 
 From ages past, it ever was your due, 
 
 Ladies, the looking-glass belongs to you.
 
 112 
 
 Garner thou art the very Jew,* 
 Which our immortal Shakespeare drew, 
 For not the smallest feeling part, 
 Dwells within thy flinty heart. 
 Have I not brought thee every ssveet. 
 Which I in Brasier's shop could meet ? 
 And now, thy goodwill to entice, 
 I'll try — a glass of Brasier's ice. 
 
 Mrs. Fig, a sweet lady, who dearly loves loo, 
 When she went up this morning to town, 
 
 Look'd in here, as she pass'd, to take a last view. 
 And this number to put her name down 
 
 NowFve been commission'd by my friend, Mrs. Fig, 
 
 If you give either Pam, king, or ace. 
 To buy some perfume to scent her curl'd wig. 
 
 Or some liquid to wash her red face. 
 
 You mustknow,^ Mrs. Fig, can boast of the rose, 
 
 The jet, and the lily's sweet hue ; 
 But the pink from her cheeks has fled to her nose. 
 The jet to her teeth, and I can't well disclose. 
 
 Where the lily's pale form you may view. 
 
 * Intended as a compliment to IVIr. Garner, who was for- 
 merly in the habit of performing Shyloci< and other Charac- 
 ters at the Margate Theatre, for the benefit of persons in 
 distress, &c.
 
 113 
 
 To-morrow I go to tell her the great news, 
 
 To poor Mrs. Fig — who's a worry, 
 And I hope, Mr. G. you will not refuse. 
 To give a good prize both to her and the muse, 
 Who will then leave this place without Hurry. 
 
 Mr. Dip and his lady, a most loving pair, 
 To Margate set off t'other day in a chair. 
 Tor that vile thing, the hoy, they never could bear. 
 Fearing hunger, however, might them overtake. 
 The lady, for breakfast, tucked in a beefsteak. 
 And her husband, whose stomach was not quite so craving, 
 First took gin and bitters, and then — took a shaving; 
 The barber, whose hand from the same cause did quiver, 
 Cut a hole in his chin, which some folks call a sliver, 
 And the lady quite frightened at so sad a disaster. 
 Sent instantly off for diaculum plaister; 
 For tho' you may laugh, the wound, I avow, 
 Was almost as wide as the hoof of a cow. 
 .The remedy being by this time applied. 
 He desired his dear wife to get ready to ride. 
 The horse, poor dumb beast, was as thin and as lean. 
 As if he'd been twelve months in Hughes'' machine ; 
 And the chair, tho' 'twas neat, was sure nothing better, 
 Than what vulgar folks would call a bone-setter. 
 After being well shook for two days on dry land. 
 We see them arrived on this beautiful island ; 
 And being recruited, the first thing they do, 
 Is to come to this shop for a dabble at Ico. 
 
 L 2
 
 114 
 
 " If, my dear, we by chance should get a good prize, 
 I'm determined to remember th' man from th' excise. 
 For you know, had his genus, not set us right, 
 Our rushlights and candles would have been all a light : 
 And suppose, as we've done well with short Jours and 
 
 six, 
 We make up our minds on those numbers to fibc ; 
 And should Mr. Garner, good little old mani 
 Give us either ace, queen, king, or Pam, 
 I vow and declare, and don't take it amiss, 
 I'd seize hold of his wig, and would give him a kiss." 
 
 Good lack ! Mr. Garner, you nice little man, 
 
 I beg you to give me a prize if you can ; 
 
 But if you treat me as you did before. 
 
 Good bye, sir, I'm gone, sir ! you see me no more ! 
 
 But if you present me Pam, ace, or the king, 
 Or any such nice little, gay little thing; 
 You'll see me bound briskly and spritely from shore, 
 And — hush ! — you and I'll do — as we've done before ! 
 
 MARIA. 
 
 My friend, Mrs. Snip, whom I think a great treasure, 
 
 (By the bye she's as lean as a ghost) 
 Arrived here this morning with speed beyond measure, 
 
 Having travelled all round the coast.
 
 115 
 
 Tho' lean, Mrs. Snip's at least six feet high, 
 
 And her nose by a fall was made flat; 
 Her eyes, to be sure, tho' they look ail awry, 
 
 -Are green and as fierce as a cat. 
 
 She persuaded her husband, iier dear Mr. Snip, 
 To stand treat for my chance at the loo. 
 
 And the first thing this morn, after taking a ili[). 
 Put her name down to this twenty-two. 
 
 She trusts you'll turn up, to please her and Snij), 
 Either Pam, or else, ace, king, or queen ; 
 
 Or to-morrow, per pacquet, they'll to town take a trip. 
 And at Margate will no more be seen. 
 
 IvEMOTE from every thought of sinning, 
 I throw the dice in hope of winning ; 
 Although a knave is in my thought. 
 Like many others dearly bought : 
 And though he's blackest of the crew, 
 Still may he be a fair ones due ; 
 A young beginner too, I am, 
 So use me well and give nie Pam ; 
 If not, an ace, or some such thing, 
 Or turn me up a lucky king.
 
 116 
 
 I ONCE Mr. Garner have sent an address, 
 
 To express my good wish for your health and success; 
 
 And lest you for subjects or verses should lack, 
 
 I have sent you some lines on the merits of Jack. 
 
 By all 'tis allow'd he's a comical creature, 
 
 Officiousl}' meddling and curious by nature ; 
 
 Though not over graceful, and not over wise, 
 
 Perhaps at some period a friend might arise. 
 
 And make this odd compound most wonderful clever, 
 
 Huzza ! Mr. Garner, and Jackj for ever. 
 
 O Pam, thou little subtle lione}^ 
 For thee I've lost near all my money ; 
 I've si^'h'd, and moan d, and pray'd in vain, 
 But never cou'd thee once obtain. 
 
 Then grant me Pam this night my wishes, 
 Or I must live on empty dishes ; 
 Sooth my sighing, ease my moans, 
 And bless j^our little Betsy Jones. 
 
 Back, ye ignobler votaries who pine, 
 
 To render up your thanks at Fortune's shrine ; 
 
 Know, a superior now preference claims. 
 
 Deigns once to rank that claim with "vulgar names. 
 
 i
 
 Ji 
 
 Long has the partial goddess gifts bestow'd, 
 
 In rich abundance or the groveling crowd : 
 
 While I neglected and an outcast roam, 
 
 Far from my native land and childhood's home. 
 
 Others she blest, but never yet has smil'd, 
 
 Or look'd with pity on her wand'ring child. 
 
 To find her dwelling, climes till then unknown, 
 
 I've search'd the frigid and the torid zone ; 
 
 Have cross'd the impervious Andes chilling height, 
 
 Chili and Peru's splendour met my sight. 
 
 Oft has shelull'd me with a golden dream, 
 
 Stretch'd beside Amazonia's giant stream ; 
 
 When rest, result of labour, clos'd my eyes, 
 
 The sun scorch'd grass my couch, my canopy the skies; 
 
 Still vainly did I wander, but once more 
 
 Landed in safety upon Britain's shore ; 
 
 Behold, what wonders my attention call, 
 
 She sits enthron'd in Garner's circled hall ! 
 
 Goddess be just, or by the sword I wield. 
 
 What thou might'st give unask'd, to force thou'it 
 
 yield ; 
 Garner, beware, for Bertram Risingham, 
 Now claims his birthright and desires Panj. 
 
 Dear Garner to you I'm inclin'd to make "plaint, 
 I am grieved ! I am sorely tormented ! 
 
 If I don't once get Pam, I really shall/ai'«/, 
 T' which none of my friends have consented.
 
 118 
 
 The cash I have laid out already in loos, ' 
 I fear much will turn hubby's brain ; 
 
 In pity then grant me some very rich dues, 
 Or to Margate he'll ne'er come again 
 
 Methinksyow look glum, I am sure so should I, 
 For in truth there is nought so distressing, 
 
 As to be in disgrace and set piping one's eye, 
 While all the gay world's busy dressing. 
 
 Then kind hearted soul, befriend me this time. 
 
 And I'll always attend to your loo, 
 Nor any attraction shall draw me from thine. 
 
 But to Garner's alone I'll prove true. 
 
 A mother's wish for her dear son, 
 
 May Pam, or ace, or king be won ; 
 
 Ye cards be kind, do Garner try. 
 
 Will any here her wish deny? 
 
 No ! all are smiling, all are willing, 
 
 A prize should crown the mother's shilling. 
 
 August the thirteenth, Mr. Garner, dear sir, 
 To-morrow I leave all this bustle and stir; 
 I leave you, forgive me for shedding a tear, 
 But I hold all at Margate exceedingly dear.
 
 119 
 
 To Margate I came to recover my health, 
 
 To Lon(]on I go to recover my wealth ; 
 
 I've here been successful, if there I'm so too, 
 
 ril come here next season and share it with you ; 
 
 Your politeness is such that I'm proud to confess, 
 
 I remain your obliged and obedient R. S. 
 
 'MoNGST all the haunts of Pleasure's crew, 
 
 Where Fashion most is active, 
 Dear Mister Garner's one card loo. 
 
 Is sure the most attractive. 
 
 The crowds arrive, the hour is come, 
 
 And now the room is filling ; 
 With old, and young, and deaf, and dumb, 
 
 To lose the sight unwilling. 
 
 The lights are snuffed, the sweepstakes fill, 
 
 The ladies take their places, 
 And beauty leaves her dear quadrille. 
 
 To sport with kings and aces. _ 
 
 Thus loo inspires e'en me to write. 
 And now, new wit to borrow, 
 
 Oh ! give me whisker'd Pam to-night ! 
 I'll rhyme again to-morrow. 
 
 J. T.
 
 120 
 
 Farewell, and if for ever, 
 Cruel, cruel, Mister G., 
 
 Then remember, that you never. 
 In your life gave Pam to me. 
 
 Yet relent, the past redeeming, 
 Ere I bid good bye to you ; 
 
 As to London back Vm steaming, 
 Let me owe good luck to you f 
 
 Mr. Garner, 
 Miss Tabitha, last nighty ask'd you a favour. 
 
 But you in ill humour would not comply ; 
 It's a very great hardship such damsels should labour. 
 
 And all that they get is a cock of your eye. 
 
 This night Vm resolv'd, with some other fair ladies. 
 Who are boldly disposed and don't care a fig, 
 
 Unless you give prizes (as surely your trade is), 
 To upset the table and pull off your wig. 
 
 TABITHA TWISTABOUT. 
 
 1
 
 121 
 
 A FRIEND and well-wisher has entered your list, 
 Who sometimes plays loo and at other times whist, 
 An ace or a king most certain I am. 
 Will be kindly received, but more kindly Pam. 
 
 Garner to you I now confess my sorrow, 
 
 For town, dear Margate, I must quit to-morrow ; 
 
 No more of pleasures I must fondly dream, 
 
 Eggs, butter, cheese, and candles now my theme; 
 
 No niijre of loos to think nor of the hup 
 
 At the hote-1, but stick unto the shop ; 
 
 Give me a I'am, the sweet enchanting creature, 
 
 Trifles to gain, lor Betsy and for Peter ; 
 
 Prizes Pve gained by your enticing loo. 
 
 Once more restored health 1 wish to you. 
 
 And hope, if I should visit you next year, 
 
 To save my pence for walking on the Pier; 
 
 See how the ladies round you now are smirking, 
 
 Once more adieu, your's truly, 
 
 SALLY FIRKIN. 
 
 For six weeks I have tried old Pom to obtain, 
 
 Yet he has escaped me again and again ; 
 
 However about him Til not make wry faces. 
 
 As I have been favoured with kings, queens, and aces ; 
 
 M
 
 122 
 
 In this sort of game I am only a learner, 
 Altho' a well-wisher to spruce Mr. Garner ; 
 May he still have success in this famous town, 
 And may it be long ere his sun shall go down. 
 
 DON QUIXOTT. 
 
 Garner, I dedicate my muse to thee, 
 
 Trusting this time in prizes you'll be free, 
 
 To one who nightly here is trying, 
 
 Altho' the room's so hot he's nearly frvin^r 
 
 »till cannot leave your luring game. 
 
 Or miss one night since here he came ; 
 
 These are all reasons which you'll duly weigh. 
 
 ni try my best, I think I hear you say. 
 
 I'm sure you will, so I submit my case. 
 
 Trusting you'll give me Pam, king, queen, or ace 
 
 CEDRIC. 
 
 O DEAR little Garner, I tell you with sorrow, 
 J must turn my back upon Margate to-morrow ; 
 So give me a prize, and let that be a thumper, 
 xlnd I'll drink your good health when at home in a 
 bumper. 
 
 1
 
 123 
 
 MY MOTHER. 
 
 Who brought me here to Garner's loo, 
 To spend my cash as others do, 
 No other soul — but only you, 
 My mother. 
 
 Who on my dress gay ribbons laid, 
 And took me to the promenade. 
 And told me not to be afraid. 
 My mother. 
 
 Who took me to the play and ball, 
 And least that f should not see all, 
 At Bettison's would frequent call. 
 
 My mother. 
 
 Who thought of that delightful thing. 
 To go to hear dear Broadhurst sing, 
 That loyal air, " God save the king," 
 My mother. 
 
 Who shew me Dandelion's green. 
 When all the motley moving scene 
 Was dancing on the carpet green, 
 My mother. 
 
 Who taught me how the dice to throw, 
 And kings and aces thus to know, 
 Their value in the little go. 
 My mother.
 
 124 
 
 Who was it took me out to ride, 
 Upon a donkey by her side, 
 And taught me how the reins to guide. 
 My mother. 
 
 When I leave Margate Pier behind, 
 Remembrance oft shall bring to mind, 
 These acts of thine, so good and kind, 
 My mother. 
 
 Oh ! dear Garner, I'm obliged to go home. 
 For reasons, how many, I don't say ; 
 One is, that your loos, oh ! horrible things, 
 Have help'd to take all my money away. 
 
 What misery 'tis to be short in the pocket, 
 
 I no presents can carry, do you see ; 
 
 Because neither your Pam, your king, or your ace, 
 
 Have been kind to poor little me. 
 
 Once more I will try, to see if I win. 
 
 To risk this last chance I am willing ; 
 
 But if now I fail — I shall make a long face. 
 
 And cry — " There goes the poet's last shilling." 
 
 Dear sir, thro' your medium, I now take my leave 
 Of the ladies, that nightly your tables surround ; 
 To the married, I say, may they always be happy, 
 To the single, may next year they married be found.
 
 125 
 
 SIMPLE SAMMY. 
 
 Long have I thirsted for a prize, 
 With listening ear, and eager eyes, 
 \ight after night have heard thy voice, 
 Making both old and young rejoice. 
 But still am left forlorn. 
 
 Oh, cruel Garner! didst thou know, 
 The truly sympathetic woe 
 Felt by my mother for her boy. 
 Who is, alas ! her only joy, 
 
 You surely would relent. 
 
 How shall I coax thee to bestow 
 
 One little prize before I go, 
 
 On Samuel, mother's darling child ! 
 
 Who, simple calls me, for Vm mild. 
 
 And harmless as a lamb. 
 
 Meagre my form, and pale my face, 
 In my lank visage you can trace 
 The marks of woe and sad despair, 
 Alas! those smiles that charm' d the fair, 
 Are ne'er in Margate seen. 
 
 Would that I were but JOLLV Sam ! 
 He has been blest full oft with Pam; 
 His simple brother I'm afraid. 
 Dear Garner ! will, without thy aid 
 
 Quite break his mother s heart.
 
 126 
 
 Oh ! let me then with all my mighty 
 Implore thee for the Pam this night. 
 For if thou art inclirCd to save 
 His DARLING MOTHER from the grave, 
 
 Attend to Sammy's prayer. 
 
 O ! Mr. G. with great sorrow I say, 
 
 From Margate, dear Margate, I soon must away. 
 
 For while Fve been here in the green sea to wash. 
 
 So freely Fve lived that Fve spent all'my cash ; 
 
 Therefore you knowing my pitiful case, 
 
 Shall expect you to give me the Pam, king, or ace ; 
 
 Only do this and Fll ne'er more bid the folks twig. 
 
 Your winks, on your blinks, or your little brown wig. 
 
 Mr. Garner, with sorrow this evening I view, 
 
 For the last time this season, your single card loo ; 
 
 How oft I have tried, and how often in vain. 
 
 But by way of take leave, I will e'en try again. 
 
 Yet another motive this evening has opened my purse. 
 
 To bid adieu to the Adonis of Margate in verse ; 
 
 Now I see you start, and exclaim, " Now who can this 
 
 be !" 
 The person I mean is no other than thee ; 
 For you are so obliging, polite, have such an air, and 
 
 such ease, 
 That; tho' we lose our money, you ne'er fail to please.
 
 127 
 
 Vet ere IMiimmery's safety coach conveys me away, 
 
 To London's great city, so fine and so gay, 
 
 Permit me to offer the best wish I can, 
 
 For a continuance of your health, — a blessing precious 
 
 to man ; 
 
 May prosperity banisli every furrow of care, 
 
 And next summer, should /return to your invisi'orating 
 
 air, 
 
 .May I find you surrounded, as at present I see. 
 
 By your friends and well-wishers, among wiiich reckon 
 
 And in return fur these linis pray deal, if you can, 
 To one who esteems you, tlie luc/n/ knave, Pam. 
 
 O, Fortune ! give Pam unto her I adore, 
 And I promise I never will trouble you more. 
 Except for her sister, a sweet tempered thing, 
 To whom you may give or an ace or a king ; 
 For myself — a youth modest as ever was seen, 
 I pray thee bestow me a knave or a queen. 
 
 .Mv name's Obadiah, convinced ] am, 
 
 Thou'lt give me the black man, — by some called Pam ; 
 
 For tho', peradventure, no gamester myself, 
 
 Like the children of darkness I wish fur the pelf: 
 
 Then befriend me, or henceforth thou'lt find me 
 
 unwilling 
 To open my pocket and give thee a shilling.
 
 I2S 
 
 If you don't give me a prize, you provoking sad man, 
 
 To plague you, in turn, I'll do all that I can ! 
 
 If I can't pull your wig, scratch your eyes, or your 
 
 nose, 
 ril sit close to the table and tread on vour toes. 
 
 Sweet Margate adieu, 
 
 Adieu tiiou sweet isle. 
 Where pleasure and health both abound ; 
 
 Adieu, thou dear Garner, 
 
 Whose loo and whose smiles 
 Our evenings with pleasure have crown'd. 
 
 FINIS. 
 
 riinteO b\ \\ . ro.\T, I", John StiteJ, Edgware Road.
 
 UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LIBRARY 
 
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