i THE SCOTT LIBRARY. ;jpE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. FOR FULL LIST OF THE VOLUMES IN THIS SERIES, SEE CATALOGUE AT END OF BOOK. The Inspector-General (or "Revizor.") a Russian Comedy: BY Nikolai V. Gogol ^NSLATED FROM THE ORIGINAL, WITH INTRODUCTION AND NOTES, BY ARTHUR A. SYKES. _.. LONDON: WALTER SCOTT, LTD. 24 WARWICK LANE. ^-^^^^n /L^^u^ /j. wU*v/^W«i . ' CONTENTS. INTRODUCTION . THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL PAGE vii JVOTES. I. ON THE TRANSCRIPTION OF RUSSIAN . 175 II. ON THE CHIN AND ORDERS OF KNIGHTHOOD I 78 III. ON A RUSSIAN POPULAR SONG . , . 181 IV. ON ST. George's day , , . .185 1^ iV!J^718J^5 \ INTRODUCTION. " Don't blame the looking-glass when your own face is at fault." This Russian proverb was appropri- ately chosen by Gogol as a motto for his famous comedy. The Inspector- General is a faithful reflex of the seamy side of provincial^ life in Russia, and a typical set of droll but dubious characters live again in its pages. The play is indeed a mirror, and a not too flattering one, to the more shady section of Muscovite society. Apart, however, from the general tcne of satire, which would be more keenly appreciated by its victims, there is in the Revizbr so much rough-and-ready wit, and such a series of humorous situations, that the comedy appeals also to non- Russian readers. As to plot, there is scarcely any. The central incident of the piece is the arrival of a supposed " reviz6r " in a country town somewhere in the south of Russia. This functionary has no exact English analogue, but he may be defined as an •inspctor commissioned by the Government, with urilimited powers to inquire into the abuses of p'^o- viu INTRODUCTION. vincial adminis tration. It is needless to say that such a petty autocrat would be about the last person desired as a visitor by the local chinovniks whom Gogol depicts. They are certainly a collection of black sheep, and the approach of this much-dreaded official does not add to their peace of mind. After years of undisturbed jobbery and plunder, they are rudely confronted with the prospect of administrative exile to Siberia. It appears that the Town-Governor has regularly blackmailed the merchants, who in their turn have recouped theflliselves out of Government contracts. The Judge is more distinguished as a Nimrod than as a Solomon ; he has turned the court-house into a kennel, and done a roaring traffic in bribes. Artemi Philippovich, the Warden of the Hospitalj hasjeft the patients to be cured by "nature " and the ministrations of an inarticulate foreigner, who is innocent of any knowledge of Russian. Of tlie others, Luka Lukfch, Director of Educatibnal Estab- lishments, to give him his full style and title, is, if possible, more incapable than his subordinates. The Postmaster Shpydkin's weak point is his taste for opening and reading other people's letters ; while the Police-Officers are generally too drunk to be employed on duty. Such is the model community, for which the imaginary inspector's escapades have a trag[-co!r.ic result. INTRODUCTION. ix The comedy was first produced at St. Petersburg in April 1836, during the reign of the Tsar Nicholas. Russian literature at that date showed signs of a revival.'' Derzhavin, the court poet, and Karamzin, as a romance- • writer, were now going out of fashion. It was felt that the mania for adaptation from the French had been rather overdone. Even as early as 1823 Gri- boyedov had raised a protest. He satirised the in- ordinate and slavish Francophilism of the age in a powerful play. Gore ot Umd (Wit comes to Grief). Krildv, the fabulist, also contributed to this reaction by producing some genuine Russian work, though on different' lines. Sixty-eight years old in 1836, he was at the height of his popularity, and had not ceased issuing his immortal series of Fables.^ Another prominent litierateur was Zhukovski, then aged fifty- three. He is best known to the outside world as the author of the national anthem, ^^Bbzhe Tsaryd Khrani" (God save the Tsar). Of Gogol's more ^ His last fable, The Velmozha (Grandee), was published in 1843. It described a fainiant magnate as being sent to Paradise on the ground that he would only have done mischief if he had concerned himself with the duties of government. This satire on the authorities was accordingly pigeon-holed by the censors. Krilov, however, found means of reading it to the Tsar Nicholas, who was greatly amused, and embraced him, with the words, " Write away, old man, write away ! " He died, however, the following year. X INTRODUCTION, immediate contemporaries, some half-dozen have achieved European fame. Pushkin, the poet, and Ldrmontov, the novelist, were thirty-seven and twenty- two years old respectively when the Revizbr first came out. They were both destined for the same fate — to be killed in duels by Frenchmen, the former in 1837, and L^rmontov four years later. Other well- known nanies, are those of Turgeniev (18 18-1883) and Dostoy^vski (1821-1881), the famous pair of novelists. More celebrated than all is, perhaps, Count Lyof Tolst6y (born in 1828), but he belongs rather to a subsequent generation. Gogol's own age at the date of the Inspector-General was twenty-seven, as he was born in the same year as Tennyson and Gladstone. Nikoldi Vasilyevich G6gol ^-Yanovski came into the world at Sorochintsi, his father's estate, near Poltava, the scene of the famous battle, exactly a century before, between Charles XII. of Sweden and Peter the Great. The date of his birth is variously given as March the 21st, or 31st, 1809. The poetic and historical surroundings of his birthplace in the Ukraine must have largely influenced his childhood and determined the bent of his future career He ^ The word gogol is the Russian name for the "golden-eye," a kind of wild duck {fuligula clangula)^ called in German die Schelle Ente^ from the bell-like sound of its flight. INTRODUCTION. xvii tell you on our next meeting. Their criticisms were partly instructive and partly absurd. . . . "When played, I noticed that the beginning of the fourth act was tame. It seemed that the action dragged, after developing with sufficient rapidity. So, on my return home, I at once reconstructed this act.^ As it now stands, I think it has gained in force — or at any rate, in truth to nature. "One word more, about the last scene. It was a hopeless failure. The curtain hung for an awful minute, and the play did not seem properly ended. It was not my fault. The final scene will never be a success until it is rendered simply as a tableau vivani. . . . But I was told that to do so would be to limit the actors' powers, that a ballet- master would be wanted, that their dignity would suffer, etc., etc. What these etceteras were I gathered from their looks, which were more unpleasantly expressive than their language. All the same, I stick to my opinion, and repeat it a hundred times over. The restrictions of a tableau vivant do not bar the exercise of histrionic talent any more than banks impede a river, which, on the contrary, gains in rapidity and volume by flowing between them. . . . There is a great variety of ways in which to express speechless amazement. The alarm of the different characters varies with their degree of guilt and the elasticity of their consciences. Each should carry out his rdle to a consistent end. They can remain ^ Gogol excised two scenes from Act IV., one a dialogue between Anna and Marya, the other between Khlestakov and Rastakovski. b xviii INTRODUCTION. great actors, though they may have to submit to the directions of a ballet-master. " But I have not strength enough to fuss and wrangle further. I am tired out in body and mind. I swear, no one knows or can believe the sufferings I have undergone. I am sick of my play, and long to hurry off— God knows where ! Only a steamer-voyage and a change of scene can cure me. Heaven only knows how I thirst for them I For God's sake, come and see me soon. I will not start without bidding you good-bye. There are still many things to discuss which I cannot tell you in a dull and tiresome letter. , . . "St. Petersburg, May 25th, 1836." With regard to the translation of the play, it remains to add that the contracted forms of rapid conversational English are employed throughout, in accordance with stage usage. Ungrammatical and slang renderings are occasionally given, to correspond with the uneducated jtyle of some of the characters. A free use of italics was also necessary, to indicate the proper emphasis, and to give the force of some of the untranslatable Russian particles. To avoid stiff- ness, the second person singular (ti) is replaced by the English you. Certain Russian phrases and terms are perhaps more effective than their English equivalents, and I have accordingly retained them, with due explanation. It is hoped that the present version, without being slavishly literal, has kept as INTRODUCTION. xix close to the original as the difference of the two spoken idioms will permit. The notes at the end are on points in connection with the play which seem to call for extended comment. I have occasionally referred to well-known authorities, such as Kovalevski, Reiff, and Leroy-Beaulieu, and wish especially to acknowledge the assistance and information afforded me by Mr. A. F. Litvinoff. In conclusion, the frontis- piece is a line-drawing taken from two sources — the 1 84 1 portrait by F. Moller, and a rather more flatter- ing likeness published by Wesenberg & Co., St. Petersburg. THE INSPECTOR^GENERAL. CHARACTERS. Ant6n Ant6novich, Governor of a Russian provincial town. Anna Andr^yevna, his wife. MArya Ant6novna, his daughter. LukA LuKfcH, Director of Schools. His wife. Ammos Fy6dorovich, a Judge. Artj^mi PhilIppovich, Charity Commissioner and Warden of the Hospital. IvAn Kuzmich, a Postmaster. IvAn AlexAnurovich^ Khlestak6v, a St. Petersburg chbiSvnik (official). OsiP, his servant. DoBCHf NSKi, 1 independent BobchInski, J gentlemen. HuBNER, a District Doctor. Lyijlyukov, ^ RastAkovski, |- ex-officials. Kar6bkin, J Ukhavy6rtov, a Police Superintendent. {Chdsini Prlstav^ or Police-Commissary.) P^GOVKm ' 1 Police-officers. {Kvartdlniye, or Ward- Derzhim6rda, J Inspectors). ABDtJLiN, a merchant. Lock-smith's Wife. Sergeant's Wife. Mishka, servant of the Governor. Waiter at the inn. Gentlemen and ladies, guests, merchants, citizens, and petitioners. 1 The second of the three names which Russians possess is the Otchestvo, or patronymic. It is formed by adding to the father's Christian name ovich or evich (sometimes contracted into ich) for men, and ovtw. or evna for women. In order to simplify for English readers the somewhat formid- able cast, the surnames of the first eight characters are omitted, as they would not be used in familiar intercourse. Khlestakov's name is, however, retained in full. The surnames only of the rest, who are of lower social standing, are given. (Osip and Mishka are nicknames.) The full names of nearly all the characters occur either in the text or the notes. NOTES 1 ON THE CHARACTERS AND COSTUMES. The Governor. — A man who has grown old in the State service — in his own opinion, a smart official. He wears an air of dignified respectability, but is by no means incorruptible. He speaks to the point, generally avoiding extremes, but sometimes launching into an argument. His features are harsh and stern, like those of a chinovnik who has worked his way up from the lowest rank. His coarse and ill-educated nature causes him to pass with rapidity from fear to joy, and ^rom servility to arrogance. He is dressed in uniform with loops and facings, and wears Hessian boots with spurs. Anna Andr]£yevna. — His wife, still tolerably young, and a provincial coquette, brought up on novels and albums and household trivialities. She is very inquisitive, and displays now and then a vain disposition. Henpecks and ridicules her husband to a certain extent on minor points, when she can get the best of him in argument. Changes her dress four times in the course of the piece. . Khlestak6v. — A young man, about twenty-three years old, mean and 'Insignificant to look at. Not overburdened with common-sense, being, as they say, ** without a tsar in his head." He would be designated as "very frivolous" in the Govern- ment offices. Speaks and acts jvithout reflection, and lacks concentration. His style of address is abrupt, and his remarks ^re totally unexpected. " (The actor should sustain this rdle with the greatest possible naivete. ) Dresses in the latest fashion. _^ OsiP,2 his servant, resembles other middle-aged persons of his class. Talks seriously, looks downwards, and is fond of 1 By G6gol. 2 Oblloquial form of rdsip^— " Joe." 4 NOTES, arguing and lecturing his master. He scarcely varies the tone of his voice, addressing Khlestakdv bluntly and even rudely. lie is the cleverer of the two, and sees through things quicker ; is silent and uncommunicative, and a rogue. Wears a rathef worn-out overcoat of a grey or blue colour. Bo;?CHfNSKi and DobchInski are short, fat, inquisitive, and remarkably like each other. They both wear short waist- coats, and speak rapidly, with an excessive amount of gesticula- tion. Dobchinski is the taller and steadier, Bobchinski the more free-and-easy, of the pair. LyApkin-TyApkin, the Judge. — Has read five or six books, and so is somewhat of a freethinker. He is very fond of philosophic speculation, carefully weighing each word. (The player should be careful to preserve a judicial and consequential style.) Speaks with a bass voice and a prolonged drawl, clearing his throat beforehand, like an old-fashioned clock, which buzzes before it strikes. ZemlyanIka, the Charity Commissioner, is very fat, slow, and. awkward ; nevertheless an intriguing rascal, most obliging and officious. The Postmaster is an artless simpleton. The other characters require no special explanation, as their prototypes can be met almost anywhere. The company should pay especial attention to the final scene. The last word uttered must strike them like an electric shock, suddenly and simultaneously, and the whole group should fall into position at the same instant. The ladies must all ejaculate the cry of astonishment, as if it proceeded from a single throat. The neglect of these directions will ruin the whole effect. THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. FIRST ACT. Scene — A room in the Governor's house. Scene I. {The Governor, the Charity Commissioner, the Director of Schools, the Judge, the Police Superintendent, the Doctor, and two Police Officers.) Governor. I have called you .together, gentlemen, to receive a very unpleasant piece of news ; there's an Inspector-General coming. Judge and Charity Commissioner. What, a Reviz6r ? Governor. Yes, an Inspector from Peters- burg, incognito. With secret instructions, too. Judge. Well, I declare ! 6 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. Charity Commissioner. We've escaped hitherto, so now it's our turn ! LukA LuKfcH {the School Director). Good Lord ! with secret instructions ! Governor. I had a sort of presentiment of it : all last night I dreamt about a pair of mon- ^ strous rats. Upon my word, I never saw the like of 'em — so black and enormous. They came and snuffed about — and vanished. . . . Here's ^ a letter which I will rea€ you from Andrei Ivanovich Chmikov. You know him, Artemi Philfppovich {to the Charity Commissioner). This is what he says : " My dear friend, my comrade and benefactor . . . {He mutters over quickly the first few sente7tces.) . . . and to let you know" — Ah ! that's it — " I hasten to let you know, amongst other things, that an official has been sent with instructions to inspect the whole province, and your district especially. {Lifts his finger significantly.) That he is coming I know from very reliable sources, but he pretends to be a private person. So, as you have your little faults, you know, like everybody else (you're a sensible man, and don't let your little perquisites slip through your fingers) . . ." {Stopping.) H'm, that's after a manner of speaking. ..." I THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. 7 advise you to take precautions, for he may come any hour — if he has not already done so, and is staying somewhere incognito. . . . Yesterday . . ." Oh, then come family matters. "My cousin,^ Anna KirfUovna, paid us a visit, with her husband ; Ivdn Kirfllovich has got very fat, and is always playing the fiddle . . ." etcetera, etcetera Now, here's a pretty business ! Judge. Yes, extraordinary, simply extra- ordinary. There mu^t be some reason for it. LukA. But why, Ant6n Ant6novich,2 why is it ? Why should we have an^Inspector? Governor {sighing). Oh, it's fate, I suppose ! {Sighs again.) Till now, thank goodness, they've pried into other towns; but now our time has come. Judge. It's my opinion, Ant6n Antonovich, that it's a deep political move, and it means — let me see — that Russia . . . yes, that's it . . . Russia wants to make war, and the Government has surreptitiously sent an official to see if there's any disaffection anywhere. ^ In the original it is sestrd {sister)^ for dvoyurSdnaya sestrd (first cousin). The sister of the writer, who is Andrei Ivdnovich, would, according to Russian custom, have the patronymic Ivdnovna, not Kirillovna. 2 It is polite in Russian to address every one by his or her paternal, as well as Christian, name. 8 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. Governor. K\ you've got it! you know a thing or two ! The idea of treason in an inland town ! As if it lay on the frontier ! Why, from here you may gallop for three years before you reach a foreign country. Judge. No, I'll tell you how it is — you don't understand — the Government looks very closely into matters ; it may be far away, yet it observes everything Governor {cutting him short). It may or it may not — anyhow, gentlemen, I have warned you. I have made some arrangements on my own behalf, and I advise you to do the same. You especially, Art^mi Philfppovich ! {to the Charity Commissioner.) Without doubt, this chinovnik will want first of all to inspect your hospital ; and so you liad better see that every- thing is in order ; that the night-caps are clean, and that the sick persons don't go about as they usually do — looking like blacksmiths. Charity Commissioner. Oh, that's all right. They shall have clean night-caps, if you like. Governor. And you might write up over each bed, in Latin or some other lingo — that's your business. Christian Ivanovich {to the THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. 9 Doctor) — the name of each complaint, when the patient got ill, the day of the week and month . . . and I don't like your invalids smoking such strong tobacco ; it makes you choke when you come in. It would be better too if there weren't so many of them ; otherwise it will be at once ascribed to bad supervision or unskilful doctoring. Charity Commissioner. Oh, Christian Ivanovich and I have settled all about the doctoring ; the nearer we get to nature the better : we don't go in for costly medicines. A man is a simple affair — if he dies, he dies ; if he gets well, why, then he gets well. And it wouldn't be easy for the sick people and Christian to understand one another ; he doesn't know a word of Russian. {The DOCTOR grunts unin- telligibly.) Governor. Also I would recommend you, Ammos Fyodorovich — {to the Judge) — to turn your attention to the court-house buildings. There's the ante-chamber, where the petitioners usually wait ; you've let the attendants breed geese there, and the goslings go poking their beaks amongst people's legs. Of course, rearing geese is a laudable object, and there's no reason why an usher should not do so; only, you see, the lo THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL, County Court is not exactly the place for it. . . . I intended to mention it before, but it somehow quite escaped my memory. Judge. Well, I'll tell them to take 'em all into the kitchen to-day. Will you come to dinner? Governor [not noticing). Besides that, it "^doesn't do for the court chamber to get so full of rubbish of all sorts : why, there was a sporting whip lying among the papers on your very desk. I know you're fond of sport, but there is a proper time and place for everything — when the In- spector is gone you can put it back again. Then your assessor . . . he's certainly a learned man, but he reeks of spirits, as if he had just come out of a distillery; that also is undesirable. I meant to tell you of this some while ago, but something or other put it out of my head. There are ways of remedying it, if it is really, as he says, a natural failing : you can recommend him to eat onions or garlic, or something of the sort. Christian Ivdnovich can help him there with some of his nostrums. ( The DOCTOR grunts as before.) Judge. No, it's quite impossible to get rid of it ; he says his nurse knocked him down when THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL, ii he was a child, and ever since he has smelt of vodka. Governor. Well, I just reminded you of it. As regards the local administration, and what Andrei Ivdnovich is pleased to call one's " little faults " in his letter, I don't understand what he means. Why, of course, there isn't a man -^ living who has not some peccadill o/s to account ■^ (^ for : Heaven made him so — let freethinkers say '*^*'' what they like. J^ f Judge. What do you mean by peccadilloes, ^^ci>* Anton Ant6novich ? There are peccadillo/s and^ ' ^ peccadilloes. I tell every one plainly that I ^ take bribes, but what kind of bribes? Why, greyhound puppies. That's a totally different matter. Governor. H'm, whether they're puppies or anything else, they're all bribes alike. Judge. No, indeed, Ant6n Ant6novich. But suppose, for example, one receives a cloak worth five hundred roubles,^ or your good lady receives a shawl ... ^ The par value of the " metallic " rouble of lOO kopeks is 3s. 2d. The paper or credit rouble, which has a forced currency, varies considerably according to the rate of exchange. It has been as low as is. od. in value. 12 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. Governor {testily). ' Yes ; but what has that got to do with your being bribed with puppy greyhounds? Besides, you're an atheist; you never go to church ; while I, at least, am a firm believer, and attend service every Sunday. Whereas you — oh, I know you; when I hear you talking about the Creation my hair simply stands on end. Judge. What of that? I have reasoned it all out with my own unaided intellect. Governor. Anyhow, too much knowledge is worse than none at all. . . . However, I only made a remark about the County Court, and I daresay nobody will ever look at it ; there's an odour of sanctity about the place. But you, Lukd Lukfch, as Director of Educational Establish- ments, ought to have an eye on the teachers. They're very clever people, no doubt, and are blessed with a college education ; but they have very funny habits — inseparable from their pro- fession, I suppose. One of them, for instance, the fat-faced man — I forget his name — can't get along without screwing up his phiz like this — {imitates him) — when he's got into his chair ; and then he sets to work clawing his neck-tie and scratching his chin. It doesn't 'WWx THE IN. matter, of course, if '. perhaps it's even necessar] that ; but you yourselves will -grimaces at a visitor, it may leave impression. The honourable Inspector^ one else, might take it as meant for himsel and then the deuce knows what might come of it. LUKA. What can I do with him, I ask ? I have told him of it time after time. Only the other day, when our head-master came into class, your friend made such a face at him as I had never seen before. I daresay it was with the best intentions, but people come complaining to me about radical notions being instilled into the juvenile mind. Governor. And then you should look to the master of the history class. He has a learned head, that is evident, and has picked up any amount of knowledge ; but he lectures with such ardour that he quite forgets himself. I once listened to him. As long as he was holding forth about the Assyrians and Babylonians, it was all right; but when he got on Alexander of Mace- don, I can't describe his behaviour. Good heavens, I thought, there's a fire ! He jumped GENERAL. J, smashed a stool on the his might ! Alexander of fcro, we all know, but that's no )rcaking the furniture ; besides, the to pay for the damages. :^ Yes, he is fiery ! I have spoken to about it several times. He only says : " As you please, but in the cause of learning I will even sacrifice my life ! " Governor. Yes, it's a mysterious law of fate ; your clever man is either a drunkard, or he makes such frightful grimaces that you have to carry out the saints.^ LukA. Ah, Heaven save us from being schoolmasters ! You're afraid of everything ; everybody meddles with you, and wants to show you that he's as learned as you are. Governor. Oh, all that's nothing ; it's this cursed incognito I All of a sudden he'll look in : "Ah, so you're here, my friends ! And who's the judge here?" he'll say. "Lydpkin-Tydpkin."^ " Well, bring Lyapkin-Tydpkin here, then ! " " And who is the Charity Commissioner ? " ^ To avoid shocking them. An ikbn or picture of the patron saint is placed in the krdsni ligol (beautiful, or sacred corner) of rooms or shops in Russia. ^ His surname. THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. 15 "Zemlyanika."! "Call Zemlyanika, too!" There'll be a pretty kettle of fish ! Scene II. {Enter the Postmaster.) POSTMASTET^. Tell me, gentlemen, who's coming ? What sort of chinovnik ? Governor. What, haven't you heard ? Postmaster. I heard something from Bob- ch{nski ; he was just now with me at the post- office. Governor. Well, what do you think about it? Postmaster. What do / think about it ? 7 Why, there'll be a war with the Turks. \ Judge. Exactly; that's just what I thought! Governor. Well, you're both wide of the mark.^ Postmaster. It'll be with the Turks, I'm sure. It's all the Frenchman's doing.^ Governor. Pooh ! War with the Turks, indeed ! It's we who are going to get into ^ His surname. • ^ Literally ^ you both hit the sky. ^ At the period of the play the Russians and French were bitter enemies. ^ 1 6 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. trouble, 'not the Turks. That's quite certain. I've a letter to say so. ! Postmaster. Oh, then we shan't go to war with the Turks. Governor. Well, how do yoti feel, Ivdn Kuzmfch ? ( To the POSTMASTER.) Postmaster. How do / feel ? How do j^??/, \nt6n Antonovich ? Governor. I ? Well, I'm no coward, but( -, I am just a little uncomfortable. The shop-, keepers and townspeople bother me. It seems; I'm unpopular with them ; but, the Lord knows^ ""if I've blackmailed anybody, I've done it without — a trace of ill-feeling. I even think — {button-holes hwiy and takes him aside) — I even think there will be some sort of complaint drawn up against* me. . . . Why should we have a revizor at all ?r . . . Look here, Ivan Kuzmich, don't you think you could just slightly open every letter which comes in and goes out of your office, and read it [ (for the public benefit, you know), to see if it \ contains any kind of information against me, or only ordinary correspondence? If it is all \ right, you can seal it up again ; or simply deliver the letter opened. l/ Postmaster. Oh, I know that game. . . 4 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. 17 Don't teach me tJiat ! I do it from pure -^ curiosity, not as a precaution ; I'm death on J knowing what's going on in the world. And they're very interesting to read, I can tell you ! Now and then you come across a love-letter, with bits of beautiful language, and so edifying . . . much better than the Moscow News ! Governor. Tell me, then, have you read anything about any chinovnik from Petersburg ? Postmaster. No, nothing about any one from Petersburg,) but plenty about the Kostromd and Saratov^ people. It's a pity you don't read ^he letters. There's some very fine passages in them. For instance, not long ago a lieutenant writes to a friend, describing a ball in first-rate style — splendid ! " Dear friend," he says, " I live "in Elysium ; heaps of girls, music playing, flags flying," . . . quite a glowing description, quite ! I've kept it by me, on purpose. Would you like to read it ? Governor. Thanks ; there's no time now. But oblige me, Ivan Kuzmich — if ever you chance upon a complaint or a denouncement, ^ Kostroma is a town and "government" in Great Russia, N.E. of Moscow. Saratov is in S.E. Russia. Both towns are on the Volga. i8 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. keep it back, without the slightest compunc- tioo. PosnCASTEK. I will, with the greatest pleasare: Judge {joho has averJuard a Kttie^ Yoo had better mind; youll get into troaUe over that some time or other. Postmaster {puioceiUlf). £h ? The saints^ forbid! Governor. It was nothing — nothing. It / would be different if it <»o£emed you or the 7 ublic — but it was a private affair, I assure you ! Judge. H'm, same mischief was brewing, / know ! . . . But I was going to say, Anton Antd- novidvlfaatrl had got a puf^iy to make 3^00 a (wesent of — own sister to the dog yen know about I daresay you've heard that Ch^tovich and Varkhovfnski have gone to law with one anotiber; so now I live in clover — I hunt hares first 00 ooei's estate, and then on die othef^& Governor. I don't care about your hares now, my good friend; I've got that cursed incogmio on the brain! I expect the door to be opened, and all of a sodden. . . . THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL, 19 Scene III. {Enter BOBCHfNSKi and DOBCHfNSKi, out of breath.) BOBCHINSKI. What an extraordinary occur- rence ! DOBCHINSKL An unexpected piece of news ! All. What is it — what is it ? DoBCHfNSKL Something quite unforeseen ; we go into the inn BOBCHINSKI {interrupting). Yes, Pydtr^ Ivdnovich and 1 go into the inn DoBCHfNSKi {takes him up). All right, Peter Ivdnovich, let me tell it ! BobchInskl No, no, allow m^-^llow me. . . . You haven't got the knack ^ ^"^ Dobchinskl Oh, but you'll get mixed up and forget it all. Bobchinskl Oh, no, I shan't — good heavens, no ! ' There, don't interrupt me — do let me tell the news — don't interrupt ! Pray oblige me, gentlemen, and tell Dobchfnski not to interrupt Governor. Well, say on, for God's sake, 1 They both have the same imya and dlchestvo (Christian and paternal names), but I have given one the Russian and the other the English form, for the sake of distinction. io THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. what is it? My heart is in my mouth! Sit down, sirs ; take scats ! Py6tr Ivdnovich, here's a chair for you! {They all sit round BOB- CHfNSKl and DOBCHiNSKI.) Well now, what is it, what is it ? BOBCHINSKI. Permit me — permit me ; / can relate it properly. . . . H'm, as soon as I had the pleasure of taking my leave after you were good enough to be bothered with the letter which you had received, sir — yes, then I ran out — now please don't keep on taking me up, Dobchfnski ; I know all about it, all, I tell you, sir. — So, as you'll kindly take notice, I ran out to see Kar6bkin. But not finding Kar6bkin at home, I went off to Rastakovski, and not seeing him^ I went, you see, to Ivdn Kuzmich,^ to tell him of the news you'd got; yes, and going on from there I met Dobchfnski DOBCHINSKI {breaking in). By the stall, where they sell tartlets BOBCHfNSKI. by the stall, where they sell tartlets. Well, I meet Dobchfnski and say to him, "Have you heard the news that Ant6n Antonovich has got ? — the letter may be depended on ! " But Peter Ivdnovich had ^ Shpyokin, the Postmaster. THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. 21 already heard of it from your housekeeper, Avdotya,^ who, I don't know why, had been sent to Philip Antonovich Pachechuyev DOBCHINSKI {interrupting). With a bottle for some French brandy. BOBCHINSKI. yes, with a bottle for some French brandy. Then I went with Dobchinski to Pachechuyev's — will you stop, Peter Ivano- vich — there, do have done with your inter- fering! — So off we go to Pachechuyev's, and on our way Dobchinski says, "Let's go," says he, " to the inn. I've eaten nothing since morning . . . there's such a rumbling in my inner man" . . . Yes, sir, in Peter Ivanovich's internals. " But they've got some fresh salmon in the inn," he says ; " so we can have a snack." We hadn't been in the public-house a moment, when in comes a young man Dobchinski {as before). Rather good- looking and well-dressed.^ BOBCHINSKI. yes, rather good-looking and well-dressed — and walks into the room, with such an expression on his face — such a 1 Popular form of " Eudoxia." 2 V fartikulydrnom platye, in town or morning dress, as opposed to tnundirj uniform. 22 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. physiognomy — and style — so distinguished a head-piece (tnoves his hand round his forehead). I had a kind of presentiment, and I say to Dobchfnski, " There's something up here, sir ! " Yes — and Dobchfnski beckoned, and called up the landlord, Vlds,^ the inn-keeper, you know — Hhree weeks ago his wife presented him with a baby — such a fine, forward boy — he'll grow up just like his father, and keep a public-house. Well, we 'called up Vlds, and Dobchfnski asks him quite privately, "Who," says he, "is that young man ? " And Vlds replies, " That," says he — oh, don't interrupt me so, Peter Ivanovich, please; good Lord ! you can't tell the story, you can't tell it — you don't speak plainly, with only one tooth in your head, and a lisp. — " That young man," says he, "is a chinovnik," — yes, sir — " who is on his way from Petersburg, and his name," says he, " is Ivan Alexdndrovich Khles- takov, sir, and he's off," says he, "to the government of Saratov," says he, "and his goings-on are very peculiar — he's stayed here over a fortnight, he doesn't leave the house, he takes everything on account, and doesn't pay a kop^k." When he told me that, I felt illumin- 1 Blaise. * THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL.. 23 ated from above, and I said to Peter Ivc^novich, "Hey!" DOBCHINSKI. No, Pyotr Ivdnovich, /said "Hey!" BOBCHINSKI. Well, first j/ou said it, and thtm / did. " Hey ! " said both of us, " and why does he stay here, when he's bound for Saratov ? \' Yes, sir, that chinovnik is HE ! . Governor. Who — what chinovnik ? BOBCHINSKI. Why, the chinovnik of whom you were pleased to get the notification — the Reviz6r. Governor (in a panic). Great God ! what do you say ? It can't be he ! DOBCHINSKI. It is, though ! Why, he pays no loney, and he doesn't go. Who else could it be ? md \\\s padarSzhnaya^ is made out for Saratov. BOBCHINSKI. It's he, it's he, good God,^ it's 1 The posting system was well organised in the Russian Kmpire before the introduction of railways. A padardzhnayuy )r order for relays of post-horses, could be obtained before starting at an average inclusive cost for a trdika (team of three lorses) of about 2d. per mile. The traveller could then post it his leisure and convenience between any two stations in the empire, from Poland to the Pacific. 2 Yei Bdhti, an asseveration which is much more used than ;s equivalent is in English. VHE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. hy, he's so observant ; he noticed hlng^. He saw that Dobchinski and I were g sahiion — all on account of Dobchinski's Jn.je . . . and he looked at our plates like t's {imitates). I was in an awful fright . Governor. Lord, have mercy upon sinners ke us ! Where is he staying now, then ? OBCHINSKI. In room No. 5, first floor. BOBCHINSKI. In the same room where the officers quarrelled last year on their way through. Governor. How long has he been here ? |yP Dobchinski. A fortnight or more. He jV came on St. Vasili's Day.^ W Governor. A fortnight! {Aside:) Holy B Fathers and Saints, preserve me! In that fortnight the sergeant's wife was flogged ! No provisions given to the prisoners ! Dram-shops and dirt in the streets ! Shameful — scandalous ! ( Tears his hair.) ^-~' Charity Commissioner. What do you think, Ant6n Ant6novich — had we better go to the inn in gala uniform ? ^ St. Vasili of Egypt, whose day is kept on February 28th, Old Style (March 12th, New Style), by the Orthodox Church. The Russian lower classes generally reckon by saints' days instead of by the date of the month. THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. 25 Judge. No, no ! First send the Mayor, then ^he clergy and the tradespeople ; it's all in the 30ok, The Acts of John the Freemason} . , . Governor. No — no ! Leave it to me ! I've had ticklish jobs before now, and I've Tianaged 'em all right, and even been thankful for them. Maybe, the Lord will help us out :his time as well. {Turns to BOBCHINSKI.) ^ou say he's d^ young man ? BOBCHlNSKl. Yes, about twenty-three or xDur at the outside. Governor. So much the better — it's easier ^o ferret anything out. It's the devil, if you've ^ot an old bird to deal with ; but a young man's ill on the surface. You, gentlemen, had better ^et your departments in order, while I'll go by myself, or with Dobchinski here, and have a private stroll round, to see that travellers are treated with due consideration. Here, Svistunov! 'to one of the Police-Officers}) Svistunov. Sir? Governor. Go at once to the Police Super- intendent ; or no — I shall want you. Tell some- ^ The Freemasons are considered to be a dangerous society, md, as such, are suppressed in Russia. The freethinking Judge illudes to a forbidden book. 26 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. body to send him as quick as possible to me, and then come back here. (Svistun6v ru7is out at full speed.) Charity Commissioner. Let us go, let us go, Ammos Fy6dorovich. Some mischief may happen, I do believe. Judge. What's there ior you to be afraid of? Give the sick clean nightcaps, and the thing's done! Charity Commissioner. Nightcaps — bosh! The sick were ordered to have oatmeal porridge. Instead of that, there's such a smell of cabbages in all my corridors that you're obliged to hold your nose. Judge. Well, my mind's at ease on that score. As to the County Court, who'll visit that ? Supposing he does look at any of the papers, rhe'll wish he'd left it alone. Why, I've been [ sitting fifteen years on the bench — and do I ever look at a charge-sheet ? No, thank you I Solomon himself couldn't make head or tail of 'em! {The Judge, Charity Commissioner, School Inspector, and Postmaster go out^ and bump violently up against the ^ Police-Officer in the doorway as the latter returns^ THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. Scene IV. ^he Governor, BobchInski, DobchInski, and the Police-officer, Svistun6v.) Governor. Well, is the droshky ready ? Svistun6v. Yes. Governor. Go into the street ... or no, op ! ... go and bring . . . Why, where are le others ? How is it you are alone ? Didn't give orders for Pr6khorov to be here ? Where's rokhorov ? SviSTUNOV. Prokhorov's in the police-office, id can't be employed on duty just now. Governor. How's that ? SviSTUNOV. Well— they brought him back lis morning dead drunk. They've soused his ^ad in water, but he's not got sober yet. Governor {tearing his hair). Akh, Bozhe viy Bdzhe moil^ ... Go out into the street, jick ! — or no ! run to my room, sharp, d'ye iar ? and fetch my new hat and sword. Now, . ster Ivdnovich {to DOBCHlNSKi), let us be f! 1 Oh, my God 1 ^ 26 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. BOBCHiNSKi. And me— me too! . . . Let me come too, Ant6n Ant6novich ! Governor. No, no, Bobchfnski, it's im- possible! Three's no company, you know, and we couldn't find room in the droshky either. BOBCHfNSKl. Oh, that doesn't matter; I'll manage it — I'll trot behind the droshky on foot — on foot — on foot! I only just want to peep through a chink, so, to see what his ways are like. ... Governor {turning to the Police-Officer and taking the sword). Run directly and get the constables together — let 'em each take a . . . there, see how this sword has got rusted ! It's that dog of a trader, Abdulin — he sees the Governor's sword's worn out, and he doesn't provide me with a new one ! Oh, the scurvy "set of tricksters! And I'll bet the scoundrels : have got their petitions against me ready under L their coat-tails ! . . . Let each of 'em take hold of a street . . . d — n ! I don't mean a street — a broom . . . and sweep the whole of the street that leads to the inn, and sweep it clean^ mind ! ... Do you hear ? And just k)ok here — I know you, my friend ; I know your little THE INSPECTOR-GEMrAL. 29 ys : you worm your way in^ there, and walk with silver spoons in your boots — ^just you, k out, I have a quick ear. . . . What have n been up to with the merchant Chornyaiev, ? He gave you two yards 2 of cloth for your [form, and you stole the whole piece. Take •e ! Don't you rob more than your station rrants ! Be off! Scene V. {Enter the Police Superintendent.) aOVERNOR. Hullo, Stepan Ilyich, where to Ddness have you been hiding yourself? What id of behaviour do you call that ? Superintendent. I was only beyond the Dr for a moment GrOVERNOR. Well, listen, Stepan Ilyich ! lere's a chinovnik come from Petersburg, hat arrangements have you made ? SUPERINTENDENT. Exactly as you ordered. Literally, you become a kum or sponsor — i.e., you get mate. Two arshlns. An arshin is 28 inches. zjL&g&^jgL^^gar.ntrr-f^ iffijc jgiL trig dOiamitits^ F'j^miffasifr, wd^ t&e THE INSPECTOR-GENERA! i^iere yon. pat a moiiiiiiiciil^ or ctco i ^ hey ooOect all kinds of mbbidi firom tihc mows wfaere^ and upset it tfaeie! ... A be newty-come ciiiooviiik ads any o: officials if tibey are cx wif i itc d, tibey^ie to Perfectly^ jrotir Honour ; " aod if ai^rbD . eg/ contented, IH gi^e Imn somrthtngafterg : o be discontented about . . . {Huofes m .-: yi-b4i! Fm a stnner-a teniUe sin : 7/zi^ the kat4fcx huUad of Ids i«£) Heaicn nly grant tbat I tsay soon get qoft I drew np a rqnrt aboc: THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. of course some idiot is sure to forget, and let out that the building was never even begun. . . . And tell Derzhimorda that he's not to give such free play to his fists ; guilty or innocent, he makes them all see stars, in the cause of public order. . . . Come on, come on, Dobchfnski. {Goes out and returns^ And the soldiers are not to be allowed in the streets with next to nothing on : that scoundrelly garrison only put their tunics on over their shirts, with nothing at all below. {All go out.) Scene VI. (Anna ANDR^YEVNAa^^ Marya Ant6novna rush on the scene) *• Anna. Where are they, where are they? Akh Bozhe moil . . {Opening the door.) Husband ! Ant6sha ! Aht6n ! {Hurriedly, to MArya.) And it's all your fault ! — dawdling, and saying, " I want a pin — I want a handker- chief." {Runs up to the window and shouts^ Anton, where are you, where are you ? Has he come — eh? the Inspector? Has he got a moustache ? What's it like ? THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. y^ Voice of the Governor. Wait a bit, la'am/ wait a little ! Anna. Wait? What an idea! Waity fbr- Doth ! . . . Not a bit of it ! I only want one ord — is he a colonel, or what is he, eh ? ( With isgust.) There ! he's gone ! I won't forgive im for that ! . . . And you kept saying, Mamma dear, do stop a moment while I pin ack my scarf; I'll come directly." Diixctly, ideed, drat you ! It's all through you we've lissed the news! It's all your abominable anity. You heard the Postmaster was here, and 3 you must needs mince before the looking- lass and strike all sorts of attitudes. You mcy he's smitten with you; but I can tell you, liss, he simply makes a face at you as soon as our back is turned. MArya. But what's to be done then, mamma? t's all right ; we shall know all about him in an our or two. Anna. An hour or two, forsooth ! Much bliged to you, I'm sure ! A pretty answer to ive me ! Why didn't you say — we shall know lore in a month ! . . . {She leans out of the nndow.) Here, Avd6tya! I say! . . . Have ^ Mdiushka—litetaMy, little mother or good wife. 3 .y^ 4 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. you heard whether anybody's come, Avd6tya ? . . . No? you booby — no? Well, you should! have asked I Oh, yoti can't find out anything with your head full of lovers and flim-flams! . . . Eh, what? They went off in a hurry? Well, you should have run after the droshky ! Be off at once, d'you hear? run and ask everybody where they are — ask nicely, and find out what he's like — do you hear me ? Peep through the key-hole and find out all about it — what sort of eyes he's got — see if they're black or not, and be back here at once this minute, d'you understand ? Quick, quick, quick ! {She keeps on shouting, and they both stand at the window until the curtain drops.) THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. 35 SECOND ACT. Scene — A small room in the inn. Bed, table, portmanteau, empty bottle, books, clothes' brush, etc. Scene I. OsiP {lying on his masters bed). Devil take it ! I'm so hungry; there's a noise in niy inside like a whole troop of trumpeters. We shall never get home at this rate ! What are we to do, I'd like to know ? There's two months gone since we left " Peter " ! ^ He's chucked away all his cash on the journey, the gay young dog, so now he's got to stick here, with his tail between his legs ! We should have had plenty to pay for the fare, but no, he must needs cut a dash in everytaiyn in thisstyXcl {Imitates him.) "Heah, Osip, go and engage me the best room they've got, and order the very best dinner they can cook ; 1 Slang for St. Petersburg. Gogol elsewhere uses the short form "Petersburg." 36 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL, I can't stand anything cheap and nasty; I must have the best ! " Anything reasonable wouldn't have mattered, but for an ordinary copyin'-clerk^ to go on like that ! Then he goes and makes friends on the road ; plays cards, and gets rooked, of course ! Oh, I'm sick of this sort o' life ! Re^ly, it's better in our village ; there's not so much going on, but there's less to vvorrtt you ; you lie the whole while over the stove^ and eat tartlets. . . . Still, there's nothing like life in " Peter," that's a fack, and there's no denyin' of it. All you want is money, and then you live like a lord — theayters, dancing dogs, everythink. And everybody talks so perlite — it's reelly almost like bein' at Court ; if you go to the Shchukin Bazaar,^ the shop-keepers call you " my lord " ; you sit with the chinovniks in the ferry-boat ; if you want company, you can go into a shop, a 1 Yelislrdtiskkaf corruption of {Kollezhki) Regisir&tor^ an official of the fourteenth and lowest rank in the Civil Service. [. at the eud. ' The Shchukin Dvor is a bazaar'n'tKe Eolsfiaya SaTovaya (Great Garden Street), behind the Gbstfnni Dvor or Great Bazaar of the Nevski Prosp^kt, St. Petersburg. THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. 37 gent will tell you there what's going on in the army, and all about the stars in the sky, just as if you had 'em all in your 'and. Then an old officer's wife will try and flirt with you, or a pretty chambermaid will give you such a look. Aha, you dog ! {Smirks and wags his head.) What doosid fine manners they have too ; you never hear any disrespeckful langwidge ; they always say you^ to you ! If you're tired of walking, why you take a droshky, and sit there like a nob ; and if you don't want to pay, why you needn't ; every house has got a door open, and you can pop in, and the devil himself couldn't catch you. There's one objection though : some- times you get a fust-class feed, and sometimes you're starved — as we are now. It's all his fault ! What's to be done with him ? The old man sends him money — enough to rub along with — and what for ? . . . Why, he goes on the bust with it; hires droshkies, says every day " Go and get a theayter-ticket;" and then look at him in a week — ht has to pop his new tail-coat ! Another time he parts with everything to his last shirt, except p'raps an old coat or a worn-out cape, ^ Vui instead of the mone familiar Tt, thou. The usage of these pronouns is the same a» in other continental countries. 38 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. s'help me, it's the truth ! Selling such beautiful English cloth ! Every dress-suit costs him a hundred and fifty roubles, and he lets his uncle have it for twenty. I won't speak of his breeches ; they can't get a buyer. And what's it all for ? Why, because he's never at his business ; instead of attending to his dooties, he gallivants along the Proshpect,^ and goes off card-playing. Ah, if the governor only knew it ! he wouldn't stop to think that you're a chinovnik, but he'd lift up your little shirt-tail, and whip you so that you would feel sore for a week.^ If you have dooties, you ought to attend to 'em. ' Here's the landlord now, says he won't let you have anything to cat unless you pay beforehand, and if we don't pay ? (Sz£-/is.) Oh, good Lord ! for a little s/ickil^ I'll bet every one else has had a square meal. Hullo ! there's a knock ; he's coming ! (Ge/s off tJie bed hastily.) 1 The Nevski Prospekt in St. Petersburg. 2 Literally, you would rub yourself for four days or so. * Cabbage-soup. THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. 39 Scene II. {Enter Khlestakov.) Khlestakov. Here, take these. {Hands him J lis cap and walking-stick^ What, you've been rolHng on the bed again ? OsiP. Me rolling on the bed ! I haven't seen any bed ! Khlestak6v. That's a lie ; you have been. Look here, it's all tumbled about ! OsiP. - Why blame me for it? / don't know what a bed feels like. I've got legs, and I stand. What do I want with your bed ? Khlestakov {walks about the room). Just see if there's any tobacco left in the pouch there. OsiP. Tobacco, indeed ! Why, you smoked the last of it four days ago. Khlestak6v {paces up and dozvn, biting his lips; iheny loudly and peremptorily). Here, Osip, d'you hear ? OSIP. What do you want ? Khlestakov {less fimdy). Go down there. OSIP. Where ? Khlestakov {in an almost supplicating tone). 40 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL, Downstairs to the buffet . . . and tell 'em there . . . to give me something to eat. OsiP. No indeed, that I will not ! Khlestak6v. What, you dare to refuse, you blockhead ! OsiP. Yes, it's all the same, if I do go — you won't get anything from there. The landlord said he'll let you have nothing more. Khlestakov. How does he dare to say so i* Bosh, I say ! OsiP. He even says, though: " I'll go to the Governor — it's the third week your master has not paid his bill. You and your master," he says, " are a pair of sharpers, and your master's a scoundrel as well. We've had to do with rogues and hangers-on like you before," says he. Khlestakov. And you, you beast, repeat it all to me, and enjoy it. OSIP. " Yes," says he ; " all that sort come here, and make theirselves at home, run up a bill, and then you can't get rid of them. I'm not joking," he said ; " I'll go straight and make a complaint, and have him taken to the police- office, and then clapped into gaol." Khlestakov. Now, now, stop it, you fool. Do go and speak to him ! The ill-mannered brute ! THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. 41 OsiP. I'd better call the landlord here him- self. Khlestakov. What do / want him for? You go and talk to him yourself. OsiP. But reelly, sir Khlestakov. Well, go to the devil, and call the landlord here. {O^v^ goes out,) Scene III. Khlestakov (alone). How infernally hungry I am! I took a little walk, thinking my appetite would go, — d — n it, not a bit of it ! I'm as ravenous as ever. Yes, if I hadn't had that spree in Penza,^ I'd have had enough money to •'th. That infantry captain cheated way the villain cut the cards vounaing. He wasn't at it more than a T of a« hour, and he cleaned me out )'. But, all the same, I'd give anything to nave another turn with him, only I shan't have the chance ! . . . What a beastly little town ! They'll give you ^ A town and government S. E. of Moscow, on the way to Saratov. 42 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. nothing on tick at the grocers' shops. It's simply disgusting ! ( Whistles an air from ''Robert the Devil" ; then ''Nye shei tt mnye, indtushka^\'^ then variations of his owjt.) . . . H'm, nobody seems likely to come. Scene IV. {Enter OsiP and the WAITER.) Waiter. The landlord wants to know what you want. Kiilestak6v. Ah, good day, my friend! And how are you ? Waiter. Pretty well, thank you.^ ^ A Russian popular song, generally known under the name ^^ Krdsni Sarafan'' (the Red Gown). The first four lines commence thus : *^Nyi shei tt mnyt, rndtushka^ krdsni su, afdn ; Nyi vkhodl, rodlmushka, p6-pustu v izydn ! " — i.e.^ * ' Do not sew the red gown for me, mother ; spend not useless money, my own mother ! " These words are supposed to be sung by a young girl, who does not wish to marry ; she is, however, persuaded by her mother. The air in question is a simple but tuneful one. (See Note III. at the end.) 2 Sldva ^^/4«— literally, "Glory to God," "Thank the Lord" — the usual reply to the question, *^Kak vui pazhivdyeteV (How are you?), the words "Fa zdardv''^ (I am well) being understood. THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. 43 Khlestakov. And how are you getting on in the inn ? Business going on nicely ? Waiter. Yes — sldva BShu — very nicely. Khlestakov. Plenty of visitors ? Waiter. Yes, we've got enough. Khlestakov. Look here, my friend, I haven't had my dinner brought up yet — ^just hurry up with it, please, as soon as possible. . . . You see, I've got something particular to do directly after dinner. Waiter. But the landlord said they're not to send anything more. He was all but going to the Governor to-day to complain of you. Khlestakov. Complain of me! Why, consider for yourself, my good fellow — I must cat. If this goes on I shall become a skeleton. I really am very hungry, joking apart. Waiter. Quite so, sir. He said, " I'll give him no dinner till he pays for what he's had already." That was his answer. Khlestakov. But you reason with him — talk him over ! Waiter. Yes, but what am I to say ? Khlestak6v. You speak to him seriously, and say I must have something to eat. As for the money . . . why, he seems to think that, 44 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. because a muzhik such as Jie is can go the whole day without food, any one else can also. What an idea ! {Exeunt OsiP and WAITER.) Scene V. Khlestak6v {alone). It will be /^^ disgusting, though, if he flatly refuses to let me have any- thing. I never felt so ravenous as I do now. . . . Shall I try to raise anything on my clothes ? Shall I pop my trousers ? . . . No, better starve than not go home in Petersburg dress ! . . , What a shame that Yokhim^ wouldn't let me have a carriage on hire ; it would have been d — d fine to go home in a proper turn-out, and drive up in style under some squire or otheHfe porch, with carriage-lamps alight, and Osip behind in livery. How they'd all flutter with excitement, I guess ! " Who's that ? What's that ? " Then my footman goes up in a gold livery {draws himself up and imitates him), and announces " Ivdn Alexandrovich Khle.stak6v, of Petersburg ; are they receiving ? " Those 1 Joachim, a celebrated horse and carriage dealer of St, Petersburg. THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. 45 bumpkins, though, don't know what that phrase means. If any boor of a farmer pays them a visit, he waddles in like a bear, straight into the drawing-room. . . . And then you walk up to a pretty girl, and say, " How charmed I am, Sudarinya.^ . . ." {Rubs his hands and makes a bozu.) . . . Tfu ! {Spits.) I feel quite sick, I'm so hungry. Scene VI. {Enter OSIP, and aftejzvards the Waiter.) Khlestak6v. Well, what is it ? OSIP. They're bringing dinner. Khlestak6v {claps his hands, and jumps briskly to a chair). Aha ! Dinner ! dinner ! dinner!^ Waiter {with plates and a napkin). This is the last time the landlord will send you dinner. Khlestak6v. Well, the landlord ... the andlord is a . . . I j//^ on your landlord ! What i you got there? Waiter. Soup and roast-beef. .'he term suddrtnya (madam) is applied to married and ininarried ladie4.alike.'- It is a short form oi gosuddrtnya. 2 Nyesdi — literally, they are bringing it. 46 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. KllLESTAKOV. What, only two dishes ? Waiter. That's all, sir. Khlestak6v. What nonsense! I won't have it ! Ask him what he means by it ! , . . That's too little ! Waiter. No, the landlord says it's a good deal too much I Khlestak6v. But isn't there any sauce ? Waiter. No, there isn't any. Khlestak6v. Pray, why not? 1 saw 'em myself getting a lot ready, as I went past the kitchen. And at the ordinary this morning two undersized little men were eating" salmon and all sorts of good things. Waiter. Well, if you please, sir, there is some, and there isn't. Khlestakov. How not ? Waiter. There isn't any, then. Khlestakov. What, no salmon— no fish- no cutlets ? Waiter. Only for the gentlemen as pays^ sir! Khlestakov. What a /d?^/ you arc I Waiter, Yessir. Khlestak6v. You beastly pig! . . . Why are they eating, while / mayn't ? Why mayn't I THE INSPECTOR-WSJmftm^'^' z^v, too, confound it ? Ain't I a bon^fide traveller too, as good as they ? Waiter. No, sir, not exactly, that's certain. Khlestak6v. How's that, pray ? Waiter. Well, the difference is pretty plain: they settles up ! Khlestakov. Oh, I won't argue with you, you booby ! {Pours out the soup and tastes it.) What ! do you call that soup ? Why, you've simply poured hot water into a cup; it's got no taste, it only stinks ! None of that for me^ thank you. Bring me some other soup ! Waiter. Very well, sir, I'll take it away. The governor said if you didn't like it, you"; could leave it. A Khlestak6v {holding on to his plate). Well, well . . . leave it alone, I say, you fool ! You may be very familiar with others, but I'm not that sort, my man ! I advise you not to try it on with me. . . . {Tastes it again.) My God! what soup ! {Goes on eating it.) I should think no one in the world ever ate such soup. Here's some feathers floating about instead of butter ! {Comes across a piece of chicken.) Well, I declare! Aiy ail what a fowl! . . . Give me the roast beef! There's a little soup left, Osip ; take it^ ifs . THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL, yourself. {Cuts the ineat.) What, is that what you call roast meat? That's not roast beef! Waiter. What is it, then ? Khlestakov. Devil knows what it is — only it's not roast beef It's more like roast iron^j than meat ! {Eats it.) Rogues and scoundrels ! The stuff they give one ! Why, my jaws ache! '' with eating a single mouthful ! {Picks his teeth with his finger^ Villains ! it's as tough as the bark of a tree; I can't get it out, anyhow. Such messes are enough to ruin one's teeth, curse the blackguards ! ( Wipes his mouth with the napkin^ Is there nothing more? Waiter. No. Khlestak6v. Scoundrels, blacklegs, that they are ! There might have been some pastryl ; Rascals ! It's only travellers that they fleece ! (Waiter removes and carries the dishes outy accompanied by OsiP.) Scene VII. Khlestakov {alone). I swear it's just as if I'd eaten nothing at all : it has only whetted my ^ TapSr — literally, a hatchet. THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. 49 appetite. If I only had a trifle to send to the market and buy a bun with ! OSIP {re-entering). The Town-Governor has come for some reason or other; he has announced himself, and is asking for you. Khlestak6v {in great alarni). What do you say ? . . . There, that brute of an innkeeper has gone and reported me ! . . . Suppose he really hauls me off to gaol ! How would it be if I went in aristocratic style ... no, no, I won't ! There are the officers and people strolling about the town, and I have regularly set the fashion, and ogled a merchant's daughter. . . . No, I can't . . . and pray, who is he^ that he has the audacity ? Treating me as if I was actually a shop-keeper or a day-labourer ! {Puts on a courageous air and draws himself up^ I'll just say straight out to him : " How dare you to " {The door-handle is turned ; Khlestak6v turns pale and collapses^ 50 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. Scene VIII. {Enter the GOVERNOR and DOBCIlfNSKl. The former advafices a few steps and halts. They stare at each other in great trepidation for some moments^ Governor {plucking- up courage a little^ and saluting deferentially^^ I hope you are well, sir ! Khlestak6v {bows). My respects to you, sir! Governor. Excuse my intruding. . . . Khlestak6v. Pray don't mention it. . . . Governor. It is my duty, as chief magis- trate of this town, to take all due measures to prevent travellers and persons of rank from suffering any inconvenience. . . . Khlestak6v {hesitates a little at first, but towards the end adopts a loud and confident tone). We-ell, what was to be done ? It's no-ot \iy fault. ... I really am . . . going to pay . . . they'll send me money from home. (BOBCHINSKI peeps in at the door.) He's to blame most : he sends me up beef as hard as a board ; and the soup ! the devil only knows what he'd mixed up ^ Rtikipo shvam—WitxaWy, with arms down the seams (of one's uniform). THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. 51 with it : I was obliged to pitch it out of the window. He starves me the whole day . . . and the tea's so peculiar — it smells of fish and nothing else ! Why then should I ... A fine idea, indeed ! Governor {nervously). I assure you, it's not my fault, really. I always get very good beef from the market. The Kholmog6ri^ drovers bring it, and they are 'sober and well-principled people. I'm sure I don't know where he gets it from. But if anything's wrong . . . allow me to suggest that you come with me and get other quarters. Khlestak6v. No, that I will not I I know ivhat " other quarters " means ; it's another word for gaol I And pray, what right have you — how dare you . . . ? Why, I . . . I'm a Government official at Petersburg . . , {Defiantly.) Yes I . . . I . . . I . . . Governor (aside). Oh, my God ! how angry he is ! He knows all ! Those cursed merchants have told him all ! 1 Kholmogori, a town on the estuary of the Northern Dvina, 70 versts (46 miles) from Archangel, celebrated for its fine breed of cattle. Lomonosov, the founder of modern Russian literature, was born near here. 52 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. Khlestak6v {aggressively). That for you and your governorship together! I'll not go with you ! I'll go straight to the Minisier. {Bangs his fist on the table.) Who are j^?/, pray, who are you ? Governor {starting and shaking all over). Have pity on me ! don't ruin me ! I have a wife and small children ! Don't make me a miserable man ! Khlestak6v. No, I'll not go with you ! What's that got to do with me? why am / to go to gaol because you've got a wife and small children ? I like that — that's beautiful ! (BOBCHINSKI looks in through the door and disappears in terror^ No, much obliged to you, sir, but I'll not leave here ! Governor {quaking). It was only my inex- perience, I swear, only my inexperience ! and insufficient means! Judge for yourself — the salary I get is not enough for tea and sugar. And if I have taken any bribes, they were very little ones — something for the table, or a coat or two. ... As for the sergeant's widow, who took to shop-keeping — whom they say I flogged ^ — it's a slander, I swear, it's a slander. My enemies ^ For engaging in trade without a licence. THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. 53 invented it — they're the kind of people who are ready to murder me in cold blood ! Khlestak6v. Yes, yes, but I've nothing to do with them. . . . {Reflects?) I don't see, though, why you should dilate about your enemies to me, or talk about sergeants' widows. ... A sergeant's wife would have been quite a different matter . . . Don't you try to flog me, though — your arm's not long enough for that ! . . . Enough ! Look you here ! . . . I'll pay, I'll pay the bill all right, but at present I'm out of cash. That's just why I stay here, because I haven't a kop^k left. Governor {aside, recovering). Oh, the cun- ning rascal ! That's a nice yarn ! a pretty piece of mystification! You may believe as much of that as you please! . . . One doesn't know how to begin with him. Still I've got to try — come of it what will, I must have a try somehow ! {Aloud.) H'm, if you really are in want of funds, or anything else, I am ready to oblige you at once. It is — ahem !■ — my duty to assist travellers. ' Khlestak6v. Lend me then — lend me a trifle ! and then I'll settle up immediately with the landlord. I only want two hundred roubles, or even less. 54 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. Governor (^getting out Ms pocket-book). There's exactly two hundred roubles — don't trouble to count them ! Khlestak6v. I'm very much obliged to you ! I'll return it you directly I get 'home . . . it was a sudden case of impecuniosity. ... I see you are a gentleman. Now the state of things is altered. Governor {aside). Well, thank the Lord ! he's taken my money. Now I guess we shall hit it off. I shoved four hundred instead of two into his hand. Khlestak6v. Hi, Osip! (Osip enters?) Call the waiter here 1 ( To the GOVERNOR and DobchInski.) But why are you standing all this while? Pray oblige me, take a seat! {To DOBCHINSKI.) Please take a seat, I beg of you! Governor. Oh no ! We can very well stand. Khlestakov. But please, please, be seated ! I see now completely the generosity and sincerity of your character : at first I confess I thought you had come with the object of putting me in {To DOBCHINSKI.) Do take a chair! {The Governor and Dobchinski at last sit down. BOBCHfNSKI looks in at the door and listens.) THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. 55 Governor {aside). Now I must be a little bolder. He wants his incognito kept up. Good, w^ll talk a little nonsense too — we'll pretend we don't know in the least what he really is. {Aloud?) • I was going my rounds in the per- formance of my duty with Peter Ivdnovich Dobchinski here — he's a landed proprietor of this place — and we came into the inn to ascertain whether travellers are being well entertained — because I am not like other governors, who never attend to their business ; no, out of pure Christian philanthropy, apart from my duty, I wish every mortal to be treated well — and lo ! as a reward for my pains, the occasion has presented itself of making so agreeable an acquaintance. Khlestak6v. I too am delighted. Without your kind assistance I confess I should have had to stay here for 2, pretty long while — I hadn't the least idea how to pay my bill. Governor {aside). Oh yes, fib away. Didn't know how to pay his bill ! {A hied.) May I venture to inquire into what locality you are pleased to be going ? Khlestak6v. I am going to my own estate in the Sardtov government. 56 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. Governor {aside^ with an ironical expression on his face). To the Sardtov government ! Oh indeed ! And he doesn't even blush ! One must keep a sharp look-out with this gentleman ! {Aloud.) You have deigned, indeed, to engage on a pleasant enterprise ! It is quite true that journeys are disagreeable, as they say, on account of the delays in posting; but, on the other hand, they furnish an agreeable diversion for the mind. You are travelling for your own amusement, I suppose ? Khlestak6v. No, my father wants me. The old man's angry because up till now I've made no advance in the service in Petersburg. He thinks that the moment you get there they stick the Vladimir^ in your button-hole. No, indeed, and I'd like to send him to knock about a chan- cellor's office for a while ! Governor {aside). Just observe, I ask you, how he romances ! and drags in his old father too ! {Aloud.) And, may I ask, are you going there for a long time ? Khlestakov. Really I don't know. You see, my father is stupid and obstinate, like a * The St. Vladimir of the Fourth Class (the sixth Russian order in point of seniority). THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. 57 block of wood — the old duffer ! I shall tell him straight out : " Do as you please, but I can't live away from Petersburg." Why should I be condemned to rot away among rustics ? That's not my ideal — my soul craves for civilisa- tion ! Governor {aside). Well, he is a fine hand at spinning yarns, and no mistake ! He lies, and lies, but doesn't trip anywhere ! Why, the ugly, insignificant little whipper-snapper, I could crush him with my finger-nail I But stop, he'll soon betray himself under my management 1 I'll let him fib a little longer! {To Khlestak6v.) You condescended to observe, quite rightly — what can one do in a dead-alive place? Why, see what it's like here : you lie awake at night, you toil for your country's good, you spare no effort or exertion — and I should like to know how much reward you get for your pains ! . . . {He looks round the room.) Rather damp, this 'rodm, isn't it ? Khlestak6v. Yes, it's a dirty hole, and the insects — well, I've never seen the like of 'em ; they bite like dogs ! Governor. You don't say so ! An illustrious visitor like you to be incommoded with — with 58 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. \5isgusting insects, that have no business to exist! And I daresay it's dark in this room ? Khlestak6v. Dark ? I should think so ! The landlord has started the custom of not allowing me any candles. Now and then I want to do something, to read a bit, or the fancy strikes me to compose a little — not a bit of it, it's as dark as pitch ! Governor. May I venture to ask you . . . but no, I am unworthy ! Khlestak6v. What do you mean ? Governor. No, no ; I am unworthy, un- worthy of the honour ! Khlestak6v. But what do you mean ? Governor. If I might be so bold ... I have a charming little room for you at home, light and comfortable. . . . But no ! I feel it is too great an honour. . . . Don't be offended, y^i BShu ; I only meant well by the offer ! Khlestakov. On the contrary, I accept it with pleasure. I should be much more comfort- able in a private residence than in this pot-house. Governor. I am only too delighted ! How glad my wife will be ! It's a little habit I have; I always w<2:j hospitable from childhood, especially when my guest is distinguished and enlightened. THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. 59 Don't think I say this by way of flattery; no, I have not that vice. I only speak from the ful- ness of my heart. Khlestakov. I am greatly obliged to you. I myself hate two-faced people. I'm very much struck with your open-heartedness and generosity; and, I assure you, I expect nothing more than that people should treat me with consideration and esteem, ahem ! esteem and consideration ! ' Scene IX. {Enter the Waiter, escorted by Osip. Bobchinski peeps in again.) Waiter. You were pleased to require ? Khlestakov. Yes, bring me the bill. Waiter. I gave you the second account not long ago. Khlestakov. Oh, I can't remember your stupid accounts ! Tell me what it comes to ! Waiter. You were pleased to order dinner the first day, and the second day you only took salmon, and after that everything was put down on credit 6o THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. Khlestak6v. Durdk !^ you've begun to add it all up agaia ! How much is it altogether ? Governor. Please don't let it bother you ; he can very well wait. (To the WAITER.) Get out of this ; the money will be sent you. Khlestak6v. Yes, of course ; that will be the best. {^Pockets the notes. TJie WAITER goes out. BOBCHINSKI looks in again through the doorway^ Scene X. {The Governor, Khlestak6v, «;^^Dobchinski.) Governor. Wouldn't you like now to in- spect a few of the institutions in our town — say, the Jiospital and so on ? Khlestak6v. But what is there to see ? Governor. Well, you will see how we manage matters — what excellent order there is. . . . Khlestakov. Oh, with the greatest pleasure; I am ready. (BOBCHlNSKl puts his head in at the door?) ^ Fool, booby. THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. 6i Governor. And then, if you wish, we can go on from there and inspect the district High School, and see the good discipline with which our instruction is administered. Khlestak6v. Oh, by all means ! Governor. Afterwards, if you like to visit the prison and the town gaol, you will be able to notice how carefully our criminals are kept. Khlestak6v. Yes, yes ; but why go to the gaol? We had very much better look at the hospital. Governor. As you please. Do you propose to ride in your own carriage, or go with me in a droshky ? Khlestakov. Well, I prefer to go with you in a droshky. Governor {to DobchInski). Now, Dob- chinski, there will be no room iox you. DOBCHINSKI. Oh, it doesn't matter, I'll manage ! Governor (<3;.?/^^, to Dobchinski). Listen: will you run, as fast as you can, and take a couple of notes — one to Zemlyanfka at the hospital, the other to my wife. {To Khles- takov.) May I take the liberty of asking you to permit me to write a line to my wife in your :SBB «t>f mH^m -3^:ji^±iL'r'ij^^^, i^ ^ ^^^ % -iSDi^ 64 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL, THIRD ACT. Scene — The same apartment as in the First Act. Scene I. (Anna Andri^yevna and Marya Ant6novna standing at the window^ in the same positions as at the^fnd oj the First Act.) Anna. There now, we've been waiting a whole hour, and it's all through your stupid vanity ; you were quite ready dressed, but no ! you must still be dawdling ! . . . Oh, dear ! not a sound to be heard of her.^ . . . How vexatious it is ! . . . There's not a soul to be seen, of course; it's just as if the whole place were dead. Marya. There, mamma, really we shall know all about it in a minute or two. Avdotya must come back soon. {Looks out of the window and screams?) Oh, mdmenka, mamma dear ! some one is coming — away there at the end of the street ! ^ The servant Avd6tya. THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. 65 Anna. Whds coming? Where? You've always got some fancy or other ! . . . Ah, so there is ! Who is it, now ? He's short — in a dress coat! Who can it be? Eh? How tire- some not to know ! Who ever can it be ? MArya. It's Dobchfnski, mamma. Anna. Dobchfnski, indeed ! One of your random guesses, miss ! It's certainly not Dob- chfnski. ( Waves her handkerchief) Hi ! you ! come here ! quick ! Mar%^. It's really Dobchfnski, mdmenka ! Ann • "^' ;re now, you only want to con- tradict, rse. You're told it's not Dob- chfnski. MAry.v Tiut look, mamma, look ! You see it is Dol ' '■'. Anna , so it is. ... I see now. Why do you WriV argue about it? {Shouts at the window) r up, quick ! How slow you walk ! . . \, where are they — eh ? Tell me from where \ : .; are; it'll do just as well ! What, is he very severe ? Eh ? How about my hus- band — my '^and ? {Moves away from the window a , disgusted.) How stupid he is ! Not a single word will he utter till he's got into the room ! 5 66 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL, Scene II. {^E?iter DobchInski.) Anna. Now, if you please, tell me — aren't you ashamed of yourself? I used to think you were the only one of them who was a gentleman. They all bolted off, and you after them ! and here ^^fiavey been all this while without a soul to tell me about it all. Isn't it disgraceful of you ? I stood godmother to your little Ivdn and Liza, and this is the way you treat me ! DOBCHINSKI. I vow, my dear lady,^ I ran so fast to pay my respects to you, that I'm quite out of breath. ... I have the honour to salute you, Mdrya Ant6novna ! MMHI MArya. Good afternoon, Pe¥erTvamovich ! Anna. Well, tell us now, what's going on there ? DOBCHINSKI. Ant6n Antonovich has sent you this note. Anna. Yes, but what is he — a general ? DOBCHINSKI. No, not a general, but he's 1 JCumushkay a familiar term of address. Like the English word "gossip," it strictly means " rellow-sponsor," "god- mother." THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. 67 quite as big a swell. Such manners — such" dignified ways ! Anna. Ah, it's the very same that was mentioned in the letter to my husband ! DOBCHINSKI. Precisely. Bobchfnski and I - were the first to discover him. Anna. Good ! Now tell me all about it ! DOBCHINSKI. I will. Thank the Lord, every- thing's all right now. At first he received Ant6n - - Antonovich rather roughly ; I assure you, ma'am, he got angry, and said that the inn was most uncomfortable, that he wouldn't come to the Governor's house, nor go to gaol for him ; but afterwards, when he found out Ant6n Antonovich's innocence, and had had a short conversation with him, he changed his opinion directly, and then, thank Heaven, all went well. They have now gone to inspect the hospital. "J" . . . I confess, though, that Ant6n Antonovich quite thought that a secret information would be lodged against him. I myself also was a little alarmed. Anna. Why should you be afraid? you're not an official, you know. DOBCHINSKI. Yes, but you see, when a bigwig speaks you can't help feeling a bit frightened. 68 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. Anna. Well, well ... all this is tnfling,% though ; describe what he's like personally — is he young or old ? DobchInski. Young, quite young — about "twenty-three years old ; but he talks quite like an old man. " Permit me," he says, " I will go there, 2ir\d titer e" — (^gesticulates) — all in very distinguished style. " I am fond," says he, " of writing and reading ; it's a bore, though," he says, " that it's rather dark in my room." Anna. But what's he like to look at, dark or fair ? DoBCHlNSKl. No, auburn^ rather, and his eyes flash like a wild beast's — they quite un- nerve you. Anna. H'm — let's see what's written in this note. {Reads.) " I hasten to let you know, my dear, that I was in a very critical predicament ; but, relying on the mercy of God, two pickled gherkins d part and a half- portion of caviare — i rouble 25 kopeks . . ." {Stops.) What ever does he mean by pickled gherkins and caviare, there ? DobchInski. Oh, Ant6n Ant6novich wrote on a piece of paper that had been used before, ^ Shdntret, a corruption of the French ch&tain. THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. 69 to save time ; there's some bill or other made out on it. Anna. Oh, I see, exactly. {Goes on reading^ " But, relying on the mercy of God, I think all will come to a happy conclusion. Get a room ready quickly — the one with the gold wall- paper — for our distinguished guest ; don't have anything extra for dinner, because we shall' lunch at the hospital with Artemi Philippovich, but order in some more wine ; tell Abdulin to send some of his very best — otherwise I will wreck his whole cellar. I kiss your hand, my dear, and remain, thine, Ant6n Skvaznik-Dmuk- hanovski. . . ." Akh^ Bozhe moil there's not a moment to lose ! Hi, who's there ? Mishka 1^ DOBCHINSKI {runs to the door and shouts?) Mishka ! Mishka ! Mishka ! (MiSHKA enters^ Anna. Attend : run over to Abdulin the merchant. . . . Stop, I will give you a note. {Sits at the table and writes ^ talking at the same time.) Give that note to the coachman Sidor ; he's to run to Abdulin's with it, and bring back the wine. Then return here directly, and get a room ready for a visitor. Put a bed, wash- stand, etcetera, there. * Diminutive of Mikhail, 70 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. DOBCHINSKI. Well, I'll hurry off now, Anna Andrdyevna, and see how he does the inspecting ! Anna. Go then, go, I'll not detain you. Scene III. Anna. Now, Mashenka,^ we must think about our toilet. He's a young dandy from town — the Lord forbid that he should laugh at us ! You had better put on your blue dress with the little flounces. Marya. Lor', mamma, the blue dress ! I don't like it at all ! The Lydpkin-Tyapkin goes about in blue, and Zemlyanika's daughter in blue too.' No, I'd much better put on my light pink^ gown. ._ Anna. Your light pink gown ! . . . really, you only say that for the sake of contradiction ! You will look much better in blue, because I wish to wear my favourite shade — straw colour. -^ Marya. Oh, mamma, that doesn't suit you at all ! Anna. What ! straw-colour doesn't suit me ? 1 Diminutive of Mdsha, the familiar form for Mdrya. 2 Tsvy^lnoye — literally, any bright colour. THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. 71 Marya. No. I'll bet anything you won't look well : your eyes ought to be quite dark to go with pale yellow. Anna. Oh, I like that! As if my eyes weren^t dark ! They're as dark as they can be ! What rubbish you talk ! How can they help being dark, when I always draw the queen of cliibs^ if I tell my fortune by the cards ? Marya. Oh, mdmenkay the queen of hearts is much more your style ! Anna. Fiddlesticks ! Nonsense ! I never was a queen of hearts ! {Exit hastily with Marya, a^td speaks behind the scenes?) What an idea — queen of hearts! Goodness gracious ! {On their departure a door is opened^ and MisiiKA sweeps dust out. OsiP enters from another door, with a portmanteau on his head.) Scene IV. OsiP. Where's this to go ? MiSHKA. Here, mister,^ this way ! OSIP. Stop ! I must take breath first. Oh, ^ Dyddyushka, diminutive of dyddya, uncle. )2 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL, what a miserable time I'm having ! On an empty stomach any load seems heavy. MiSHKA. Eh, uncle, will the general be here soon? OsiP. The general ? — who ? MiSHKA. Why, your <5^;7;2 / 1 * OSIP. My bdrin ? Him a general ? MiSHKA. Ain't he then a general ? OSIP. Oh yes, but in a different kind o* way. rr^ MiSHKA. What is he then ?— higher or lower j than a real general in rank ? \^^ OSIP. Oh, higher! MiSHKA. There now I that's why there's all this to-do here. OSIP. * Look here, young 'un ! I sec you're a smart chap — ^just get us somethin' to eat ! MiSHKA. But for the likes of you, unclg, there's nothing good enough ready. You won't eat plain stuff — but they'll send you somethinL,^ when your master sits down to table. OSIP. Well, but what " plain stuff" have you got? MiSHKA. Cabbage-soup, and porridge, and pastry. OSIP. Let's have the cabbage-soup, porridge ^ Master j strictly speaking, a nobleman. THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. 73 and pastry — it doesn't matter — I'll eat it all. Now let's take the portmanteau ! What, is there another dooi*? MisilKA. Yes. {They both carry the port- manteau into the side-chamber.) Scene V. {The Police Officers throw both folding-doors open. Khlestakov enters; after him the Governor, then the Charity Commissioner, the Director of Schools, a;?^ Bobchinski with plaster on his nose. The Governor points out a piece of paper lying on the floor to the Police Officers, who rush breathlessly to pick it up^ and butt against each other.) w * Khlestak6v. Splendid institutions ! I'm charmed with the way you have of showing strangers, all that's to be seen in your town ! In other places they showed me nothing. Governor. Ln other towns, I venture to suggest, the authorities and officials care most for their own advancement ; but here^ one may say, there is no other thought than how to win the recognition of the Government by good order and vigilance. Kiilestak6v. That lunch was excellent : r 74 THE INSPECTOR GENERAL. I've quite over-eaten myself. D'you then have a spread like that every day ? ~ Governor. No ; it was in honour of such an acceptable guest ! KlILESTAKOV. I'm fond of my dinner ! What does one live for but to pluck the flowers of pleasure ? What was that fish called ? Charity ComxMissioner {stepping fonvai^d), Labarddii} sir ! Khlestakov. It was exquisite ! Where was it we lunched ? In the infirmary, wasn't it ? Charity Commissioner. Precisely so, sir; in the hospital. Khlestak6v. I remember, I remember — there (vere beds there. But have the sick got w611 ? Tlfire were not many of them, it seemed. Charity Commissioner. Ten or so re- main, not more ; the rest have all recovered. The place is so well organised — there's such good discipline. It may seem incredible to you, perhaps, but ever since I've undertaken the management they all get well like flies.^ 1 Salted or dried codfish. 2 In allusion to the Russian popular saying, " Umriit kak mtikhi muzhiki.^^ (The muzhiks die like flies.) THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. 75 The patient no sooner gets into the sick-ward than he's well again. It's not so much done by the doctoring as by honesty and regularity. Governor. And I venture to point out what a head-splitting business is the ofifice of a Town Governor ! How many multifarious matters are referred to him, concerning the clean- ness of the town and repairs and alterations alone ! ... in a word, the most competent of men might get into hopeless difficulties. God be thanked though, everything progresses favour- ably here ! Any other governor, to be sure, would look after his own profit ; but, believe me, that when I lie down to rest, my sole prayer is : " O Lord my God, grant that Governmenf may [see my zeal and be satisfied 1" . . . Hiiey may, 5 or may not, reward me — that is as they '.please, of course — but, at any rate, my con- science is clear. When there is order through- iout the town, when the streets are swept ; clean, and the prisoners are well kept and locked up, when the number of drunkards is small — what more do I want ? Ah, I long for no honours ! They are, without doubt, alluring, but to the upright all dust and vanity ! Charity Commissioner {aside). Ah, the 76 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. r villain, how he can spout! It's a gift of Heaven ! Khlestak6v. Quite true. I don't mind saying I also like to declaim now and then ; sometimes it's in prose, and sometimes I throw off verses. BOBCHINSKI {to DOBCHfNSKi). How well, how very well that was put, Pyotr Ivdnovich! Such an observation . , . shows he's studied the liberal arts ! Khlestakov. By the way, could you tell me if you have any amusements here, any — places where you could get a game of cards^ for instance ? Governor {aside). Oho, my young friend,^ / know who you mean that for!^ {Aloud.) God forbid ! We've never even heard of such a thing as a card-club here ! I've not dealt a card in my life ; I don't even know how cards \are played. I can't bear to look at 'em — if ever I happen to see a king of diamonds or such like, I'm so overcome with disgust that I just have to spit to relieve myself It did once 1 GoMbchik, my little pigeon. 2 Literally, in whose garden you throw stones — a proverbial expression. THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. 77 happen that, to please the children, I built a house of cards, but I had a nightmare of the cursed things the night after ! Lord forgive 'em — how can people waste precious time over I card-playing ? . . . LukA {aside). But, the rascal, he rooked"/ me to the tune of a hundred roubles at faro yesterday ! Governor. . . . No, I think it better to • employ my time for the Empire's benefit ! -j Khlestak6v. Well, I don't quite agree with you, though ... It all depends how you look at it. As long as you stop, say, after losing three-quarters of your cash,^ it's all right. . . . No, don't say that cards are not good --^ fun, now and then ! Scene VI. {Enter ANNA Andreyevna and Marya Ant6novna.) Governor. May I take the liberty of 7 introducing my family : my wife and daughter ! Khlestak6v {bowing to each). How fortu- ^ Literally, after bending down three corners of your scoring- card. r L 78 THE INSPECTOR-GENERA nate I am, madam, in being permitted the pleasure of meeting you ! Anna. It is far more agreeable to tis to make the acquaintance of so distinguished a personage ! Kiilestak6v {with a7i air of gallantry). Pardon me, Stiddrtnya, it is quite the contrary; the pleasure is on my side ! Anna. Impossible, sir — you allow yourself to say that by way of compliment ! I beg of you to take a seat. Kiilestak6v. To stand near you is happi- ness enough ; still, if you insist on it, I will sit. How favoured I am, to sit at length by your side I Anna. Pardon me, but I cannot dare to take that as meant sincerely. . . . You have found the journey very disagreeable, I should think, after life in the capital? KlILESTAKOV. Excessively so I After being used, comprenez-vousy to living in society — to find myself all at once on my travels — with dirty inns, in the depths of uncivilisation ! . . . If it were not, I must say, for circumstances which . . . {Looks meaningly at Anna, showing off.) which recompense me for all the SSE THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. 79 Anna. Really, how unpleasant it must have been for you ! \ KliLESTAK6v. I find it quite the reverse, though, madam, at the present moment ! Anna. Oh, how can you say so, sir ! You do Tie much honour. I do not deserve it ! Khlestak6v. Why not, indeed? Sudd- rtnya, you do deserve it ! Anna. Oh, I live only in the country. . . . Khlestak6v. Ah, but the country, all the same, has its charming hills and rivulets. . . . To be sure, who could compare it to St. Peters- burg ? Ah, Petersburg — what a life it is, indeed ! \ dare say you think I am only a copying-clerk f 5n the contrary, I'm on most friendly terms fvith the chief of our department He slaps me- )n the back and says, " Come and dine, my )oy ! " I only look in at my office for a couple )f minutes or so, just to say, "This is to be lone so, and that so." There's a rat of a clerk here, who scribbles away — tr — tr. . . . ! for ear life. They wanted even to make me a- ^ College Assessor."^ I can guess pretty well * KolUzhki Assessor^ the eighth grade or chin in the Civil lervice, with the title of VuisokoblagharSdye (Nobility). See fole II. at the end. 80 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. why. And the porter flies after me on the stairs with the blacking-brush : " Allow me, Ivdn Alexdndrovich," says he, "to clean your ^boots for you ! " {To the GOVERNOR.) But wb / do you standy gentlemen ? Pray be seated ! Governor. Our rank is not high enough ; we must stand ! Chief Commissioner. Oh, we had rather remain standing ! LukA. Don't allow yourself to bother «- [about us I f~- Khlestak6v. No ceremony ! I entreat you to take seats! {The GOVERNOR and the rest sit down.) I do not care to stancf on my dignity ; on the contrary, I always tr}^ to slip away unobserved ! But it's impossible to hide one's self. Quite impossible ! No matter where I go, they cry at once : " There goes Ivdn Alexdndrovich ! " Once they even took me for the Commander-in-chief; the soldiers rushed out of the guard-house and saluted. An officer, whom I knew very well, said to me afterwards : " Hullo, my boy, we completely mistook you for the Commander-in-chief ! " Anna. You don't say so ! Khlestak6v. I know nearly all the pretty I THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. 8i actresses, and compose all sorts of vaudevilles. I frequently see literary men ; I'm on a very friendly footing with Pushkin — often say to him: "Well, how de do, Pushkin, my boy!"i -- "So-so, old man,"i he'd reply. "Things might be better. ..." A regular original, is Push- kin !"2 Anna. So you write too? How delightful"^' it must be to be an author ! And do you really write for the papers ? Khlestakov. Yes, I write for the papers ^ too. Besides that, there are a good many of my productions, such as "Figaro's Wedding," j^ "mJ^rt the Devil," " Norma"^— I really for- J get some of their names. It all happened by chance. I didn't intend to write, but a theatre- manager said, "Do turn me off something, old man." I consider a bit : " You may as well, brother ! " And so I knocked it off in one 1 Brafy literally "brother," the most common form of address to an equal or inferior, b&tyushka (little father) being applied to superiors. 2 Pushkin, the greatest of Russian poets, was a friend of Gogol's, and was alive (aged 37) at the date of the production of this play. See Introduction. ^ The well-known operas by Mozart, Meyerbeer, and Bellini respectively. 6 82 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. evening, I daresay. I have a marvellous flow of ideas, you know. All that came out under the (^ nanie of "Baron Brambeus,"i and "The Frigate 1 of Hope," 2 and the Moscoiv Telegraph^ — all ' that was my composition ! Anna. Is it possible ; and so you were really " Brambeus " ? Khlestak6v. Of course, and I correct all their verses. Smirdin^ gives me forty thousand for that Anna. And, I daresay, " Ydri Milosldvski "^ was composed by you. Kiilestak6v. Yes, that's by me. Anna. I thought so at once. U^ MArya. But, mamma dear, it says on the title-page that Zagoskin was the author. 1 The pseudonym of Josef I. Sienkowski, a popular journalist, critic, orientalist, and encyclopaedic writer of the time, and editor of the Bibliolika dlya chtiniya (" Library for Reading"). 2 A novel by A. Bestuzhev, written under the pseudonym of " Marlinski." ^ A newspaper, edited by N. Polevoi. ^ A celebrated publisher of St. Petersburg. ^ A story of the Smiltnoye Vrimya^ or "time of troubles," between the death of Theodore I., the last of Rurik's dynasty (1598), and the accession of Michael, the first of the Romanovs {1613). THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL, 83 Anna. There ! of course : I knezv you would want to argue ! Khlestak6v. Ah, so it was; that's true, that particular work tvas by Zagoskin ; but there's another " Yuri Miloslavski," and that was written by me, Anna. Ah, to be sure ! I read yours. How beautifully it is written ! Khlestakov. I must admit, I live by my pen. My house is the first in Petersburg ; it's well known there as " Ivdn Alexandrovich's." {Addresses the company generally^ Do me the favour, if any of you are ever in Petersburg, to pay me a visit — I beg, I beg of you ! I give halls too, you know. Anna. I can fancy with what good taste and magnificence the balls are given ! Khlestakov. It's a simple affair, not worth talking about ! On the table, for instance, is a water-melon that costs seven hundred roubles. The soup comes straight from Paris by steamer in the tureen : there's nothing in the world to be compared with its flavour! I go to a ball every day. We have our whist-club there too : the Foreign Minister, the French Ambassador, the German Ambassador, and myself. We 84 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. ^regularly kill ourselves over cards ; there's nothing to be seen like it ! How I rush home, and clamber up four flights of stairs, and just have strength to say to the cook, " Here, Mavrusha, take my great coat!" . . . What do I say ? I was forgetting that I live on the first- \ floor Why, the staircase alone cost me I don't know how much. . . . And it's a cifrious sight to see my ante-chamber : counts and princes jostling and humming there like bees ; all you can hear is buzz, buzz, buzz ! Once there was a Minister . . . {the Governor and the rest start from their chairs in alarm). They even write " Your Excellency" on their letters to me. . . . On one ^~ occasion I took charge of a Department. It was a funny story : the Director went off somewhere — nobody knew where. So, naturally, people began to ask how was his place to be taken ? who was to fill it? Any number of generals coveted the post and tried it, but they soon gave the thing up — too difficult for 'em ! It looked easy enough, but, on closer inspection, it proved a devil of a business ! There was nothing to be done, but come to me. In a twinkling the streets were choke-full of couriers, couriers - after couriers. Just picture to yourselves thirty- liW^ . T ?nT«^»a i »'-o« THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. 85 five thousand couriers ! How's that for a situation, I ask you ? " Ivdn Alexdndrovich, come and direct the Department ! " I own I was a little taken aback. I went out in my dressing-gown and wanted to refuse, but, thinks I, it'll get to the Emperor's ears, and it wouldn't look well on my record of service^ either . . . so, "All right," I say, " I'll undertake the job, I'll undertake it! So be it!" I say, "I'll take it ; only remember, sharp's the word with me — sharp's the zvord^ mind ! " And so it was; I go through the Department like an earthquake ; they all shake and tremble like an aspen -leaf. {The Governor and others quake with terror ; KHLESTAK6v/r^^^^<3!j with redoubled vehemence^ Oh, it's no joke, I can tell you. I gave them all a jobation ! Even the Council of the Empire is in awe of me. And why not, indeed ? I'm such a ... I don't spot any one in particular. I address them all generally, and say, "/know my power ; / know my business ! " I'm every- where — everywhere ! I go to Court every day. Why, to-morrow, they're going to make me a Field-marsh 1 He refers to his official record kept by the clerk of his special department, with a duplicate at the office of the corresponding ministry. 86 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. r {Slips off his chair , mid sprawls on the floor, but is respectfully helped up by the chinovniks.) [^ Governor {approaches, trembling all over, I and struggles to speak). But, your E — e — ex U . . {gasps). Khlestak6v {sharply). What's the matter ? Governor. Your E — e — ex . . . Khlestak6v {as before). I can't make out a word you say; it's all nonsense. Governor. Yo — ur E — e — xlncy,i excel- lency, won't you be pleased to rest a little, . . . here is a room, and all you require. Khlestakov. Bosh! Rest a little?! . , . Stay, I think I will ! . . . Your lunch, gentle- men, was excellent. . . . I'm delighted, de- lighted! {Theatrically.) Labardan ! Labarddn ! ! {Exit into tJie side-room, followed by the Governor.) Scene VI I. {The same, 'wit/ioi/tKuh'ESTAKdv attdthe Governor.) BOBCHINSKI. There, Pyotr Ivdnovich, there's a man for you ! That's what I call a man ! ^ Va — va — vdshestvOf for Vdslu prcvoskhodUelsivo. THE JNSFECTOR-GENj^. Never have I been before in the presence of such a swell — I nearly died of fright ! What's his rank, do you think, Dobchinski ? DOBCHINSKI. I should think he's almost a general. BOBCHINSKI. Well, / think that a general wouldn't do for the sole of his boots ! Or if he is a general, then he must be the very Generalissimo himself ! Did you hear how he bullies the Council of State? Let's go quick, and tell Ammos Fyodorovich and Kar6bkin. Good afternoon, Anna Andreyevna ! Dobchinski. Good afternoon, Kikmushka ! {Both go 01 1 L) Charity Commissioner {to LukA Lukich). It's a terrible anxiety, and one doesn't know who's the culprit. We're not in uniform either ! As soon as he wakes he'll send a report about us to Petersburg ! {Exit dejectedly with the School Inspector; both saying to Anna:) Good-bye, Suddrinya ! Scene VIII. (Anna and Marya.) Anna. Oh, what a charming young man ! '7 MArya. Akh, how delightful he is ! -i r ^ INSPECTOR-GENERAL. Anna. But what refinement of manners ! You can see at once he's in society. His deportment and all . . . akh^ how fine ! I'm passionately fond of young men like that — I'm simply beside myself! However, I'm sure I charmed him exceedingly : I noticed — he kept looking at me all the time. "^^ MArya. Oh, mamma dear, he looked at me! Anna. Get along with your rubbish; your remarks are quite out of place ! MArya. But, mamma, he did, really ! Anna. There you are, arguing again ! You're not to ; that's flat ! When did he look at you, pray? and why should he look at you ? MArya. Really, mamma dear, he gazed at me the whole time. When he began to talk about literature he looked at me, and when he described how he played whist with the ambassadors he kept his eyes on me. Anna. Well, perhaps he did once or twice, and that was only for the sake of appearances. He- thought, " Oh, I suppose I had better give her a glance or two ! " THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. 89 Scene IX. Governor {entering on tiptoe\ Sh — sh- Anna. What ? Governor. I'm vexed that he has drank so^ much. . . . Now, supposing half of what he said J was true ! {Reflects^ And why shouldn't it be so? When a man's tipsy he lets everything out : what's in his heart flies to his tongue. Of course he invented a little ; but then no story is ever told without a little ornamentation. . . . So he plays whist with Ministers, and goes to Court. . . . Upon my word, the more one thinks about it — the devil knows what to make of it — I feel as giddy as if I stood on the top of a steeple, or they were going to hang me. Anna. / don't feel the slightest nervous- ness; I merely saw in him an educated, polished, well-bred young man ; but I don't -^ bother myself about his rank. Governor. Oh, that's just like you women! That one word woman explains everything ! You women only care about fiddle-faddle,^ and * Or, it is a trifle to you (but it is a serious matter to me). The Russian is ambiguous. 90 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. fire off remarks without rhyme or reason. You may be let off with a flogging, but your husband will never more be heard of. You treat this gentleman, my dear, as familiarly as if he was another Dobchinski. Anna. I recommend you not to trouble about that. We shall see what we shall see . . . {Glances significantly at her daughter.^ Governor {soliloquising). Oh, it's no good talking to you! What a state of things this is ! I haven't yet been able to recover from my fright. {Opens the door, and calls off.) Mishka, call the police officers Svistun6v and Derzhim6rda ; they are somewhere about near "the gate. {After a short silence^ It's a very queer world now. One ought to be able to recognise such people by their distinguished appearance ; but this miserable stripling — how Js one to know who he is? A military man reveals himself at once. When he puts on civilian dress he looks like a fly with its wings clipped. . . . But then he obstinately remained at the inn, and just now gave vent to such allegories and ambiguities, that it would take you an age to make head or tail of 'em. How- ever, he has surrendered at last Yes, and said a THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. 91 good deal more than he'd need to. It's pretty plain he's quite young ! Scene X. {Enter Osip. All rush to hiin^ beckoning.) Anna. Come here, my friend ! Governor. Hush ! ... Is he—is he asleep? OSIP. No, he's still stretching himself. Anna. Tell me — what's your name? OsiP. Osip, ma'am. Governor {to his wife and daughter). There, that's enough, that'll do for you. {To OsiP.) Well, my friend, have you been well looked after ? OsiP. Fustrate, sir, fustrate ; and thank you kindly. Anna. Tell me now — a good many counts and princes visit your master, don't they ? OsiP {aside). What shall I say now ? I dessay, if I tell 'em yes^ they'll feed me even better still. {Aloud.) Oh yes, a lot of counts come and see him. Marya. Ah, my dear Osip, how handsome your bdrin is ! 92 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL, Anna. But tell me, please, Osip, how does he ? Governor. Now stop it, please ! You only „,^inder me with such foolish remarks. Well now, my friend Anna. But what is your master's rank ? OsiP. Oh — the tisual rank ! Governor {to Anna). Akh, Bdzhe moi, how you keep on with your senseless questions ! You don't say a single word to the point! Now, my man, what is your master like — eh? strict? Is he given to scolding you or not? ■-..__ OsiP. Yes, he likes orderliness. He must have everything exact Governor. Well, I like your face, my friend. I'm sure you're one of the right sort Now what Anna. Listen, Osip, what does your master wear in town ; does he go about in uniform or Governor. Now that'll do; really, what a magpie you are ! This is a serious business — a matter of life and death. . . . {To OsiP.) Yes, I'm very pleased with you, my man ; an extra cup of tea on a journey is always acceptable ; THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. 93 it's a trifle cold now, so there's a couple of silver - roubles for tea. OSIP {takes the money). Oh, thank you kindly, sir ! The Lord give you very good health ! It's a great help to a poor man. Governor. Certainly, certainly; and I'm Very glad* to help you. Now, my friend, what Anna. Listen to me, Osip. What coloured eyes does your master like best ? MArya. Osip, my life ! what a charming '^ little nose your master has ! Governor. Have done ! Let me speakC"'^ . . . {To Osip.) Just tell me, please, my good fellow, what does your bdrin pay most attention to — I mean, what pleases him most on his journeys ? Osip. Oh, he's fond of finding out all about everything. Most of all, he likes being well ~7 received, being well entertained. J Governor. Well entertained ? Osip. Yes. As for me, I'm only a serf; but"' he sees that I'm well treated too. Lor' bless. us ! One day we set off somewhere. He says, " Well, Osip, have they treated you well ? " " Shabbily, your nobility," says I. " Oho," says 94 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL, he, " then he's no good as a host, Osip. You remind me of him when I come along again ! " " Ah ! " thinks I to my s^^i— {gesticulates)— '' God help him ! — and I'm only a nobody." Governor. Very good ; you speak to the ppoint. What I gave you was for tea — here's L something extra for biscuits ! OsiP. Oh, you're too liberal, your high nobility I {^Pockets the money.) I'll make sure to spend it all in drinking your honour's health ! Anna. Come to me, Osip, and you'll get f " something more. MArya. Osip, my life, kiss your master for me! (Khlestak6v is heard to cough slightly in the next room.) Governor. Sh! {Walks on tiptoe; the rest of the scene is conducted in an undertone^ Good God ! don't make a noise ! Get out of the room! {To Anna.) We've had quite ' enough of you! Anna. Let us go, Mdshenka ; I'll tell you something I noticed about our guest that can , only be said in private. Governor. Oh, they're at it again! Just . go and listen to them — you'll have to stop up THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. 95 your ears pretty quick! {Turns to OsiP.) Now, my friend Scene XL {Enter Derzhim6rda and Svistun6v.) Governor. Sh ! Those bandy-legged bears — how they stump with their boots! They blunder about as if some one's throwing forty pikds^ out of a waggon. Where's the devil taking you to ? Derzhim6rda {loudly). My orders were Governor. Sh! {Stops his mouthy You bark like a raven ! {Shakes him.) Your orders zvere — were they indeed ! Bellowing like a bull in a barrel ! {To OsiP.) Now, my man, you go and get ready there — order anything that there is in the house ! (OsiP goes out?) But you , . , stand on the landing, and don't stir from the spot ! And let no stranger into the house, and above all, no merchants ! If you •let one even slip past you, then I'll . . . ! And just mind, if any one comes wjth a petition, or ^ A ptid is 36 lbs. Avoirdupois. 96 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. even without one, if he looks like a person who would present a petition against me — then you kick him out head-foremost^straight ! So ! {Business.) Do you understand? Sh! now, sh ! {Exit on tiptoe with the Police-Officers^ THE INSPEC: FOURTH ACT. Scene — TJie same apartment in the Governor's house. Scene I. {Enter cautiously^ almost on tiptoe^ Ammos Fy6doro- VICH {the Judge\ Art^mi Philippovich {the Charity Commissioner)^ the Postmaster, LukA LuKfcH, DOBCHfNSKi, and BOBCHINSKI, all in full gala utii- form. The whole scene is played in an undertone.) Judge {arranging them all in a semicircle). Yox God's sake, gentlemen, form your circle quicker; let's have better order ! Good heavens — he goes to Court, you know, and bullies the Council of State ! Draw up in military order, absolutely in military order ! Peter Iv^novich, you must stand there I {Both BOBCHINSKI and DOBCHINSKI run on tiptoe to the place assigned^ Charity Commissioner. It's as you please, Ammos Fy6dorovich ; but we certainly ought to make the attempt. 7 TOR-GENERAL. . nat attempt ? viTv Commissioner. You know what I -^™.oan. ^--x^JUDGE. Palm-oil? Charity Commissioner. Yes, try a little palm-oil. Judge. It's risky — he'll storm at us ; he's a State functionary, you know. Perhaps it had better take the form of a testimonial from the nobility and gentry — some sort of souvenir. Postmaster. Or perhaps, say — there's some money been sent by post, and we don't know who it's for. Charity Commissioner. Mind he doesn't send you by post somewhere further than you care for. I tell you, these little matters are not so managed in a well-ordered State. Why is there a whole squadron of us here ? We ought to approach him one by one, and do . . . what is needful in a private interview, so that nobody knows anything about it. Thafs how things are done in a well-managed community. So, Ammos Fy6dorovich, you ought to begin first. Judge. Much better you ,\ the illustrious visitor broke bread in your hospital. Charity Commissioner. No, no! then THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. 99 Lukd Lukfch had better, as the enh'ghtener of youth. LukA. I can't, I can't, really, gentlemen ! I confess I've been so brought up that, if any one a single degree above me in rank addresses me, I just lose my head, and my tongue's as if stuck in the mud. No, sirs, excuse me ; really I must beg to be let off! Charity Commissioner. Then there's no one hut fou, Ammos Fy6dorovich ! Why, every word you utter sounds like another Cicero talking ! Judge. What nonsense ! Czcero, indeed ! w/iat an idea ! Just because one now and then spouts a little about house-dogs or blood- hounds ! All {surrounding him). No, not only about dogs — about the building of the Tower of Babel'^ too. . . . No, Ammos Fy6dorovich, don't desert us — be our father ! . . . Don't desert us, A - Fyddorovich ! Judge. Release me, gen^^ moment footsteps and expectoration), ^ A discussion wh^re ail are talking st • nobody is listening to any erne else, is c "buildip" ' ? ' \ loo THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. Khlestakov's room. All rush headlo7ig to the dooKy jostling and struggling to get out. They squeeze and crush one another a good dealy and half-suppressed exclamations are heard :) BOBCHINSKI'S Voice. Ugh! Py6tr Ivdnovich, you've trod on my toe ! - ZemlyanIka's Voice. I'm stifling, stifling ; give me room — only give me time to repent ! — you're squeezing the life out of me ! {Other ejacidations of "Ahh ! " " Oohh ! " etc. At last they all get through, and the room is left empty ^ Scene II. Khlestak(3v {coming out alone, with the look f -^ man who has overslept himself \ I've had a ■^nooze, it seems. Where did they get 1 mattr(>ses and feather-beds from? I eg. ' ' I . , . They must have plied ^ch : my head aches yet. ^ can pass the time like generosity and . i K\v'A' '^hey've not . An rnor's THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. loi daughter's not at all bad; while her mother, well . . . No, I don't know, but this sort of life just suits me to a T. Scene III. Judge {enters and stops stilly soliloquising). Oh Lord ! oh Lord ! grant me success ! How my knees knock together ! {Aloud, draiving himself up and steadying himself with his sword.) I have the honour to present myself: County. Court Judge of this district and College Assessor Lyapkin-Tyapkin ! Khlestak6v. Pray take a seat! So you are the judge here? Judge. I was elected judge for three years by the nobility and gentry in the year i8i6, and have continued in the office ever since. Khlestakov. You find it profitable, I dare say, being a judge ? Judge. After three periods of the three years I was decorated with the Vladimir of the Fourth Class,^ with commendation from the Government. {Aside.) This money is regularly- burning a hole through my hand ! ^ For the Russian orders, see Note II. at the end. I02 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL, Khlestak6v. Well, I like the Vladfmir ; it's better than the Anna of the Third Class, at any rate. Judge {thrusting his clenched fist somewhat forward, aside). Oh, Lord God ! I don't know where I'm sitting! I feel as if I was on hot burning coals ! Kiilestak6v. What have you got in your hand there ? Judge {loses his head, and drops the bank-notes on the floor). No — othing, sir ! Khlestak6v. Nothing ? How's that ? Why, I see there's some money dropped ! Judge {shaking all over). I — impos-sible, sir ! {Aside.) Oh Lord, now Fm before the judge ! They've brought the cart to take me to Siberia 1 Khlestakov {picks the notes up). Yes, so it is ; it's money ! Judge. Now, all is over! I'm lost! I'm lost! Khlestak6v. I say, lend me this ! Judge {eagerly). If you wish, sir, if you wish — with the greatest of pleasure ! {Aside.) Now, courage — courage ! Aid me. Most Holy Mother ! THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL, 103 Khlestakov. I spent all my money on the road, you know, over one thing and another. , . . However, as soon as I get home I'll return it you. Judge. Don't mention it ; it's quite un- necessary ! The honour of lending it you is enough. . . . Indeed, with my feeble powers, but with all zeal and loyalty to the Government , . . I shall endeavour to deserve . . . {Rises and stands erect ^ hands down his sides.) I will not venture to disturb you further with my presence.^ . . . Will there be any injunction ? J Khlestakov. Injunction — what injunction ? Judge. I mean, will you not give any in- junction to the judge of this district? Khlestakov. Why should I ? I've no need for him at present ; no, thank you — thanks very much ! Judge {boiving and going outj aside). Now -^ the town is ours ! Khlestakov {alone). H'm, the Judge is an excellent fellow ! ^ Readers of the play in the original will notice that the identical formula, nye smyeyu bSl^ye bezpakS'it svayim prisiitst- vieniy is used in this and the three following scenes ; I there- fore employ the same set of words in the translation. 104 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. Scene IV. {Enter the Postmaster in uniform^ sword t ft hand.) ^-^ ""Postmaster. I have the honour to present myself: Postmaster and Court Councillor Shpy6kin ! Khlestakov. Ah, welcome ! I'm very fond of agreeable company ! Take a seat ! And so you live here always ? Postmaster. Yes, sir, just so. Khlestakov. Well, I like this little town of yours. Cert'nly, there are not many people in it, but what of that ? it's not the capital. That's "true, isn't it — it's not the capital ? Postmaster. That's quite true, sir. -;-— Khlestak6v. You see, it is only in the \ capital you get bomton^ and no country bump- [ kins. That's your opinion, isn't it ? Postmaster. Exactly so, sir! {Aside.) Well, he's not at all haughty — he talks about anything ! Khlestak6v. Still you admit you can live happily in a small town ? Postmaster. Precisely so, sir ! Khlestakov. What does one want? In THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL, 105 my opinion, all you want is that people should respect you, and sincerely like you — isn't that so? Postmaster. Absolutely correct. Khlestakov. I must say I'm glad we are of the same mind. I dare say I'm called eccentric, but it's my nature. {Catches the other's eye, and speaks sot to voce.) I may as well borrow a : trifle of this Postmaster too. {Aloud.) A very * odd thing has happened to me : I've spent my last coin on the way. Can you lend me three- I hundred roubles? ^ Postmaster. Of course ! I shall count it a very great happiness. Here it is — take it, sir, please — delighted to oblige you ! Khlestakov. Thanks, very much. You see, I've a mortal hatred of stinting myself when I'm travelling — why should I ? Ain't I right ? Postmaster. Qm'te right, sir ! {Rises and draws himself np, with his hand on his sword.) I will not venture to disturb you further with my presence. . . , Have you any observation to make with reference to the postal administra- tion ? Khlestak6v. No, nothing ! ( The Postmaster bows and exit.) io6 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL, Khlestak6v {lighting a cigar). The Post- master, it seems to me, is also a very good fellow — at least, he's ready to oblige ; that's the sort of people I like. Scene V. {Enter LUKA LukIch, uncere?noniously propelled fron behind, A voice in his rear is heard sayings almost aloud, " Go on, what are you afraid of ? ") LukA {saluting nervous ly^ with his hand on his sword). I have the honour to present myself: Director of Schools and Honorary Councillor Khlopov ! Khlestakov. Ah, how d'ye do ! Take a seat ! take a seat ! Won't you have a weed ? {Offers him one.) LukA {aside, irresolutely). Good gracious now ! I never thought of that ! Shall I take it or not ? Khlestakov. Take it, take it ; it's of an excellent brand. To be sure, it's not a Peters- burg one. I used to smoke cigars there^ my good sir, that cost twenty-five roubles the hundred. Ah ! you'd lick your fingers after smoking them! Here's a match — light up ! {Gives him a match. 1^ THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. 107 IukA tries to smoke^ shaking all over.) There, bn't put that end in your mouth ! LukA {throws the cigar down^ spits, and gesti- ulates. Aside). Devil take it all ; my cursed lervousness spoils everything! Khlestakov. I see you're not very fond of cigars, but I own they're one of my weaknesses. Not the only one, though — I'm rather susceptible to the charms of the fair sex too. What's your taste ? Do you prefer brunettes^ or blondes ? (LUKA is completely dumfoundared.) Khlestak6v. No, out with it {—brunettes, or blondes ! LukA. I daren't give an opinion. Khlestakov. No, no; don't get out of it that way. I particularly want to know your taste. LukA. I will venture to say then . . . {Aside.) I don't know what I'm saying — my head's in a whirl ! ^ Khlestak6v. Aha! Aha! So you won't commit yourself! I'm sure you're smitten with some little brunette or other ! Confess it now — you are! (LukA is speechless.) Oho, you're blushing. Look, look ! Why won't you speak ? io8 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. LukA. I'm too shy, your nob — excell — enity ! (Aside.) Confound my tongue, it's done for me, done for me ! Khlestak6v. Too shy — eh ? Well, there's a certain something in my look which inspires that feeling ; at least I know that not a woman can resist it — can they ? LUKA. Certainly not, sir ! Khlestak6v. Now, there's a very funny thing happened to me : I've spent all I possess in coming here. You couldn't lend me three hundred roubles, could you ? LukA (aside, grabbing at his purse). What ■^a case, if I haven't got them! . . . Ah, I have, I have ! (Takes some notes out, and hands them^ trembling, to Khlestak6v.) Khlestakov. I'm. deeply indebted to you! LukA. I will not venture to disturb you further with my presence ! Khlestak6v. Good-bye, then ! LukA (disappears hastily, remarking, aside i) There ! thank Heaven ! perhaps he won't visit the schools now ! THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL, 109 Scene VI. {Enter the Charity Commissioner, Arti^mi PniLfp- POVICH. He draws hhnself up^ like the others^ in a military attitude of respectful atte7ition, with his hand on his sword.) Charity Commissioner. I have the honour to present myself: Charity Commissioner and Court-Councillor Zemlyanfka. Khlestakov. Zdrdvstvuityi} won't you take a seat ? Charity Commissioner. 1 had the honour ,of receiving and personally conducting you through the charitable institutions committed to^my charge. Khlestakov. Ah, so you did, I remember. You gave me an excellent luncheon. Charity Commissioner. I am glad to labour in the service of my Fatherland. Khlestak6v. It's my weakness — I confess it^I'm fond of good cookery. . . . But it seems as if you weren't so tall and erect yesterday, were you ? Charity Commissioner. It's very possible, 1 "How do you do?" — literally, **Bein good health," the 1 usual Russian salutation. no THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. {After a short silence^ I can only say that I spare no effort to perform my duty zealously. {Draws his chair a little closer^ and speaks in ^^^a lower tone?) There's this Postmaster here does absoluteiy'liothing. Everything is in the greatest state of neglect : letters and pack- \ ages are kept back . . . pray investigate the ' "^ matter yourself The Judge too, who was here just before me, does nothing but hunt hares, and keeps his dogs in the County Court build- ings ; while his general conduct, if I 7nust un- burden my mind to you — certainly it's for my country's good that I have to do it, though he's my friend and connection — well, his conduct is most deplorable. There's a certain proprietor here, Dobchfnski by name — you have deigned ^ to meet him — and as soon as ever Dobchinski goes away anywhere, his wife and the Judge are having a tite-d-tite. I am ready to swear to it . . . and the children^ down to the youngest little girl, have a very strong likenefvs to the I Judge Khlestak6v. Well, I declare ! I never ^ should have thought it ! ^ Charity Commissioner. Then there's the Director of Schools. I can't think how the n; THE INSPECTOR-GEN III ^ Government could have appointed him. He's worse than a Jacobin,^ and he poisons the minds of the young generation vith revolutionary doctrines that simply baftle description. Hadn't I better put all this down on pp^ i*i ? Khlestak6v. Do, by all means ; I shall be very glad to have it! I like i re'id something ' amusing when I'm bored. . . . Wy' the way, what is your name P^ I keep forgetting ! Charity Commissioner* Zemlyanfka. Khlestak6v. Ah, of course — Zemlyanfka. And tell me, please, have you dtiy children ? Charity Commissioner, To be sure I have, sir, five of 'em ; two are now p rown up. Khlestak6v. You d : ; lose time. Khlestak6v. Very good — brin ^ j ;. though ! OsiP {goes out, and speaks behind the scene). Hi there, mate ! You take a letter to the post, "and tell the postmaster he's to frank it — and order them to bring round their very best courier's troika for my master at once ; and say that^the bdrin don't pay any fare — he travels at the 'Government's expense, tell 'em. They're to look alive, or the bdrin will be furious. Stop, the letter ain't ready yet. • HLESTAk6v {goes on with his letter). I oii^ald like to know where he's living now — whether it's the Pochtamtskaya or the GarSkha- * Imperial couriers, who have precedence at the post-stations. I20 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL, rvaya.^ He likes to change his quarters pretty often — saves paying the rent. I'll make a shot at it, and address to the Pochtdintskaya, {Folds the letter up and addresses it.) (OsiP brings the light. Khlestak6v seals the letter. At the same time Derzhi- MORDA's voice is heard exclaiming: " Where are you coming to, old stick-in- ' ' "■'^ iijd?^ You've been told no one's let in.") ^K6y>{gives OsiP the letter). There, IVlEKCiiANTS' Voices. Let us in, bdtyushka — you can't prevent us: we've come on business ! Derzhimorda's Voice. Be off! Be off! He's not receiving any one ! He's asleep. (The noise increases^ Khlestakov. What's up there, Osip ? See what the row's about ! j^ OsiP {looks through the window). Some i tradesmen want to come in, and the police- ^ Two of the great thoroughfares of St. Petersburg. The word lilitsa (street) is understood after their names, which mean Post Office and Peas Street respectively. ^ Baradd — literally, "beard." THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. 121 officer won't let 'em. They're waving papers about — they want to see you, I'm sure. Khlestak6v ingoing to the window). Well, what do you want, my friends ? Merchants' Voices. We throw ourselves on your favour ! Give orders that your lordship will receive our petition. Khlestak6v. Let them in, let them in ! Let them come ! Osip, tell them they're to come in. {Exit OsiP. Khlestakov ' //^/^^i" some petitions in through the window ^ turns them every and reads .•) " To his High Well-born Illustrious Financial Lordship from the Merchant Abdulin "... the devil knows what it's about ; and what a title, too ! Scene X. {Enter the MERCHANTS, with sugar-loaves and a basket of wine.) Khlestak6v. Now, my friends, what is it ? Merchants. We implore your favour ! Khlestakov. Well, say what you want ! ^- Merchants. Do not ruin us, your lordship ! we are grievously and unjustly oppressed ! Khlestak6v. By whom ? 122 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. One of the Merchants. It's all by the ^^overnor of this town. There never was such a governor, sir ! It is impossible to describe the outrages he commits. We're so ruined by constant billeting that we may as well hang our- selves ! He catches us by the beard, and says, " Ah, you dog of a Tartar ! " My God ! if we don't pay him due respect . . . ! but we've always done our duty peaceably : we've never refused anything that his lady or his daughter might want for dress. But no, you see, that is not enough for him ; why, he comes into a shop, and anything he lights upon — he collars the lot : he'll see a piece of cloth, and say, " Ah, my friend, that's a nice little piece of stuff; just carry it to my house ! " Sc^ we have to take it, and the piece will be fifty arshins^ or so in length. Khlestak6v. Is it possible ? Akhy what a blackguard he is ! Merchants. Yes, by God ! No one ever remembers such a governor. So we cover up everything in the shop when we see him coming along. And, let alone choice articles, he'll take any sort of rubbish : some prunes had ^ Nearly 39 yards. THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL, 123 3r the feast of his patron saint, on whose day, and after whom, he ivas christened. Hence an orthodox Russian can only be called >fter one of the saints of the Greek Calendar. ^ In English, Humphrey. ^ To produce excessive thirst. This indirect form of torture fvas employed, to extort confession, by the secret police of the notorious "Third Section" of the Imperial Chancellery. 124 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. Khlestak6 V. What a thorough-paced villain ! He ought to be sent straight to Siberia for that!' Merchant. Yes, if you by your favour will ^^ only remove him, all virill be well, provided only he does not stay in our neighbourhood. Do not, our father, despise our bread-and-salt \^ we pay our respects to you with this sugar-loaf and this basket of wine ! Khlestak6v. No, don't you imagine that; p~I never accept bribes. But if you offered me a ^loan of, say, three hundred roubles, that would be quite another matter. I could take that. Merchants. Take it then, our father. {They r~ produce the money.) But what is three hundred — I better have five hundred ; only help us ! Khlestakov. If you wish it — it's a loaji — I'll not say a word ! . . . I'll take it ! Merchants {offering the money on a silver tray). Please accept the tray also ! Khlestak6v. Well, I may perhaps take the 'tray. Merchants {bowing). Then take the sugar- loaf as well ! Khlestak6v. Oh, no I I never accept any kind of bribes ^ The khlyib-sol is a token of hospitality and good-will. THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL, 125 OSIP. Your High Nobility ! why won't you have it ! Take it — it wall come in very useful on the journey ! . . . Give me the sugar-loaves / and the packing-case — it'll all do. What's that? ^ Cord ? Let's have the cord as well — the cord will be handy on the road : the carriage '11 get damaged, or something or other — it'll do to tie it up with ! Merchants. Show us this favour then, your Excellency. If you refuse to aid us in our prayer, we don't know what will happen — we may as well go and hang ourselves ! Khlestak6v. Most undoubtedly I will, undoubtedly ! I'll do my best ! {The Merchants take their leave. A zuoman's voice is heard without : " No, you daren't stop me ! I'll complain to him of you ! Don't you push me so roughly ! ") Khlestak6v. Who's there? {Goes to the window?) Well, what's the matter, mdtushka ? Voices of two Women, Take pity on us, father ! Say that your worship will listen to us ! Khlestakov {at the window). Let them come in. 126 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. Scene XI. {Enter the Locksmith's Wife and the Sergeant's Wife.) Locksmith's Wife {bowing to the ground). Have pity on me ! Sergeant's Wife. Have pity on me too ! Khlestak6v. Who are you, women ? Sergeant's Wife. I am the sergeant Ivdnov's wife. Locksmith's Wife. I live here, my father I'm the locksmith's wife, Fevr6nya Pyetr6va Pashly6pkina Khlestak6v. Stop, one of you speak at a time — what diO you want? Locksmith's Wife. Have mercy on me— I beg for vengeance on the Governor ! May the Lord curse him with every kind of curse, so that neither the villain himself, nor his children, nor his uncles, nor his aunts, may ever prosper in anything they undertake ! Khlestak6v. But why ? Locksmith's Wife. Why, wretch that he is ! he's ordered my husband to shave his THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL, 127 forehead 1 as a recruit, and the lot didn't fall on us, and it's against the law, for he's married ! Khlestakov. How then could he do it ? Locksmith's Wife. He has done it, though, the villain ; he's done it ! May God blast him in - this world and the next ! And his aunt, if he has an aunt — may every sort of evil blight her — may his father, if he's alive, may he rot to death, the scoundrel, and may he choke for ever for his villainy ! They ought to have taken the tailor's drunken son, but the parents gave him a big present; so he sneaked off for the son of Pante- leyeva the merchant's wife, but Pantel^yeva pri- vately sent her ladyship three pieces of linen, so he pitches on me, " What do yoti want a husband for? " he says; " he's no use to you." Well, Fm the person to know whether he's any use or not! "Then," he says, "your husband is a thief — if he hasn't stolen already, he will do so ; it's all the same, and so they shall take him next year for a soldier." And how shall I do without my- husband ? Blackguard ! may none of your family ever come to see the blessed light of 1 The shaving of the forehead was formerly practised in order to prevent desertion. The phrase now means merely "to enlist." 128 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. God ! may your mother-in-law, if you have a mother-in-law Khlestak6v. There, there ! that will do ! (^Motions the old woman out.) Now what have you to say ? {To the other.) Locksmith's Wife {going out). Don't forget mc, my father ! Sergeant's Wife. I have come to beg for justice against the Governor! Khlestak6v. Well, well, what is it? Cut it short ! ^—Sergeant's Wife. He has flogged me, little father ! Khlestak6v. How? Sergeant's Wife. By mistake, my father ! Our old women were quarrelling in the market, and the police came up and took and caught and reported me — and I couldn't sit down for two days after it ! KHLESTAk6v. What's to be done now, then ? Sergeant's Wife. To be sure, that can't be altered. But command him to pay compensation for the mistake. I must bear my lot without complaining — but a little money would be very acceptable now ! THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. 129 Khlestakov. Kliarasho, kliarashd ! ^ You can go now — be off — I'll see to it. {Hands with petitions are thrust in through the window?) What! any more of 'em there? {Goes to the window?) No, no, I can't attend to you — it's impossible, impossible! {Going out?) What a nuisance they are, devil take 'em ! Don't let 'em in, Osip ! OsiP {calls out of the windoiv). Go away, go away, there's no time now — come to-morrow ! '^'' { The door opens, and a figure appears in a frieze great-coat zvith unkempt beard, swollen lips, and head bound up ; others are seen behind him in the background?) OsiP. Be off with you, be off! Where are you a-coming to ? {He pushes his fists into the first man's stomachy shoves him into the passage, and goes out himself shutti?zg the door?) Scene XII. {Efiter Marya Ant6novna.) "^ Marya. A—kh I Khlestakov. Why are you so frightened, mademoiselle? 1 Good ! I30 THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL, MArya. Oh no ! I was not frightened. Khlestak6v {showing off). Pardon me,, sudArhtya^ if I say that it is very agreeable to I me to think you have taken me for one who . . May I venture to inquire where you thought of j going? MArya. Really, I was going nowhere. Khlestak6v. Might I ask, then, why yout were going nowhere ? MArya. I wondered if mamma were here — Khlestak6v. No ; but I should really like to know why you were going nowhere ? MArya. Oh, I'm disturbing you. * You were engaged on important business ! Khlestak6v (with a lady-killing air). But a glance from your eyes is better than any important business ! . . . You could never disturb me — that's quite impossible ; on the contrary, you afford me the very greatest pleasure ! MArya. Ah, you compliment as they do in the capital ! Khlestak6v. a charming lady like you should only be so addressed ! May I dare to be so happy as to offer you a chair ? But no ! you should have a throne^ not a chair ! THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL. 131 Marya. Indeed, I do not know. ... I ought to be going. ( Takes a seat.) Khlestakov. What a beautiful scarf you have ! MArya. You are making fun of me — you're only laughing at countrified people ! Khlestak6v. How I should long, mademoi- selle, to be that scarf, so as to clasp your lily neck ! MArya. I don't in the least understand what you mean. . . . What singular weather we are having to-day ! Khlestak6v. Your little lips, though, suddrtnya, are worth all the weather in the world ! MArya. You only say that because you . . . I was going to ask you to write some verses in my album as a souvenir. You know a good many, of course. Khlestakov. For you^ mademoiselle, I will do anything you wish. Say the word, what verses will you have ? MArya. Oh, anything — so long as they're good and new ! Khlestak6v. Let me see — verses ! I know a lot of them ! 2 THE INSPECTOR- GENERAL MArya. Well, will you tell me what yotj are going to write ? Khlestak6v- Why should I repeat the I know them without that ! MArya. I'm so fond of poetry. . . . Khlestak6v. Yes, and I know a quantity of all sorts. Would you like this, say, " O thou, mortal man, who vainly in thine anguidi mur- murest against God.**^ . . . Or there's odiers . 1 can't just remember 'em now — they're all SkOf no account Instead, I offer yen my laz^e, wiudi ever since your first glance . . . {Moves -': chair closer!) MArya. Love? I don't understand w;^^. love xb\ . . . I've never known what love 'n \ like . . . {Moves her chair away,) Khlestak 2" rrJ S O to >» > — 2 <" ^ rS 1 13^ ? ?! >-i ■ft 2-^ go . rtO ^^ C ri G P.-2 P-C O rt -a^ =f rt ^ M-W^^W-Mj |3 O^-CJ^ • :1 2. o- . .-2. o'^3 oooJ d »5 0-S3 vd c J- c « ft"! '^ c a rv ^ rT. ^M i8o NOTES. Mention is made, in the course of the play, of various Russian orders. It will perhaps render these allusions clearer if I subjoin a few details, from the Almanack de Gotha and the Almanack de la Cour de Riissie. The highest order in point of rank and seniority is that of St. Andrew " Pyervozvdnni," or the "First-called," founded by Peter the Great in 1698. The initials of its legend are S.A.P.R. (Sanctus Andreas Patronus Russiae). Its ribbon is blue, and the motto is, Za Vyeru i Vyernosf (For Faith and Fidelity). Members of this order are ex officio knights of the orders of St. Alexander, the White Eagle, and St. Anne. The three next are the St. Catherine (for ladies), the St. Alexander Nevski, instituted by Peter I. in*l7i4 and 1722 respectively, and the St. Anne, founded in 1735 by Karl Friedrich Ulrich, Duke of Holstein-Gottorp, in honour of his wife Anne, daughter of Peter the Great. Two orders borrowed from Poland are the White Eagle, dating from the reign of Wladyslaw Lokietek in the fourteenth century, reconstituted by Augustus II. in 1705, and finally adopted as an order of the Russian empire by Nicholas I. in 1832; and the St. Stanislas, founded by Catherine II. in 1765, and named after her favourite Stanisldv Poniat6wski. Besides these there are the military order of St. George, and the St. Vladfmir (founded by Catherine II. in 1769 and 1782 respectively). The former corresponds to the British Victoria Cross, and is only given for valour on the field of battle. It may be recognised by its ^^ banV^ or cocarde^ an orange and black ribbon. It is divided into four classes, the second class being conferred on NOTES, i8i generals, while the first class is reserved for victorious commanders-in-chief. Thus the sole possessor of the St. George of the first class is the Grand Duke Mikhdil Nikoldyevich, for his successful conduct of the Asiatic campaign of 1877-78, while his nephew, the present Tsar, only wears the second class for the taking of Rustchuk, under his command as general of division in the Russo- Turkish war of 1877-78. III.— Note on a Russian Popular Song. An old and popular Russian folk-song is alluded to in Act II., Sc. 3. As it is not given in Ralston's Songs of the Russian People^ I quote it here. The following is the first half of the poem, written in trochaic metre by I. Vanenko: — Nye shei ti mnye, matushka, Krasni sarafan : Nye vkhodi, rodimushka, Popustu V izyan ! Rdno moyu kosinku Na dvye raspletdt' ! Prikazhi mnye riisuyu V lentu ubirat' ! Puskai, nye pokritaya Sholkovoi fatoi, Ochi molodetskiya Vyeselit soboi ! T6 li zhitye dyevichye, Sht6b yevo myenyat*, i82 NOTES, T6ropit'sa zdmuzhem Okhat' da vzdikhat' ? Zolotaya v6lyushka Mnye milyei vsev6 ! Ny^ khochu ya s volyushkoi V svyetye nichev6 ! I have endeavoured to retain the original metre, which is a favourite Russian form, in the following version. It will be seen that the rustic Beatrice has, or pretends to have, a decided opinion that marriage is a failure. Weave not, mother, for my sake, Robe of damask red : Bride's attire 'twere vain to make 1 Vain for me to wed ! All too soon 'tis to unbind^ Plaited flaxen tress ! Let the garland, gaily twin'd, Still my locks caress ! Take the silken veil away ! Let me still be free. Eyes to charm and hearts to sway — None more fair to see ! Am I sham'd of maiden years? Scorn I so my life ? Wed, I barter mirth for tears, Joy for sighs and strife ! ^ The unmarried Russian girl wears her hair in a long kosd, or single plait, which is undone just before her marriage. Married women tie their hair up, or cut it short. NOTES, 183 Nay, my golden freedom's worth More than all beside. Nought long I for on the earth, Free, and no man's bride ! The following tune, to which these words are sung-, is one well known throughout Russia, and is given in SteWovskVs A/dtim 0/ Folk-Sofi£S. It also occurs in the first part of Wleniawski's violin solo, Souvenir de Moscou. I reproduce a simple arrangement, by the kindness of Messrs. Enoch & Sons, from the Rtisskiya Narddniya Pyesni (Russian National Songs), vol. 565 of the Litolff collection. There is an immense quantity of these ballads and builini. Those who are curious in such matters may consult the voluminous editions of Afand,siev, Sakharov, Ribnikov, and Shein. Though not quite so irregular as Hungarian music, with its occasional five beats to the bar, the songs of the Steppes have a character of their own. Like most volksliede}\ they are usually in a minor key, with the bass of the accompaniment now and then unexpectedly ending on the mediant or sub- dominant. For the benefit of readers who are not acquainted with Russian, I may mention that the two words, which form the title of the song, are pronounced as Krdsni Sarafdn^ meaning, the Red Sarafan, or Gown. KPACHHfi CAPA^AHt AlUgretto moderate. NOTES, !V — Note on St. Georgl's Day. jlar f. TVe fan 5ki»ll«ii, or Code oT l^nm HL. 497, reeofonod ooe of tbe derta or twche dajs dUk Sl Geo^B^ — ^m., November a6— «s tbe date of tbe as ^ratni of nob peaaols aa viibed to owae of tint tbii i%bk of NMOVid iMi I 1597 BoHs Godaairkned aa edkt : afcrw^ if tbey «o deriwd, tbe wtara of aay y lawK i>bo been abeeat Bwre tbaa five feaa; tbe wbflc was red, bowever, to cbaofe bb abode 00 St. Gcoffe*s I ^4S tbe UhMmit, oi Decneb of Afcan abniceted e««n i soft bond to tbe eeO. TbckcMl aid WltiMN .lad seTcrity vBder iocce ■iwTWnand' IkaftHti .. ^ tbe last cealaiy, vboi \ bcfui t< dboBSKd, and in ecattered intaM aaefcctnl; tboog^atis knova, tbe final Act of LOwatioa, bf Ales r 11., was accoap&bed oadl tbe funoat igtb of Febiawy 1861. M ..iii of tbeir loet risbt of augratioo, and gave bitter point to cxpresion wbidi is quoted 00 page 17> Ji ■Ts=^ jjUJII^ ^:'^^*i?r THE SCO IT LIBRARY— coniinued. English Proso. Tho Pillars of Society. Fairy and Folk Talcs. Essays of Dr. Johnson. Essays of Wm. Hazlitt. Lander's Pentamcron, &c. Poc's Tales and Essays. Vicar of Wakefield. Political Orations. Holmes's Antocrat. Holmes's Poet. Holmes's Professor. Chesterfield's Letters. Stories from Carleton. Jane Eyre. Elizabethan England. Davis's Writings. Spence's Anecdotes. More's Utopia. Sadi's Gulistan. English Folk Tales. Northern Studies. Famous Reviews. Aristotle's Ethics. Lander's Aspasia. Tacitus. Essays of Elia. Balzac. Do Musset's Comedies. Darwin's Coral-Reofs. Sheridan's Plays. Oar Village. HumphresT's Clock, &o. Tales from Wonderland. Douglas Jerrold. Rights of Woman. Athenian Oracle. Essays of Sainte-Bcuvo. Selections from Plato. Heine's Travel Sketches. Maid of Orleans. Sydney Smith. ' * The New Spirit. Marvellous Adventures (From the Morte d' Arthur.) Helps's Essays. Montaigne s Essays. Luck of Barry Lyndon. WUliam TelL Carlyle's German Essays Lamb's Essays. Wordsworth's Prose. Leopardi's Dialogues. Inspector-General (Gogol) AUTHORISED VERSION, Crown ZvOj Cloth^ Price 6s. •EE.R GYNT: A Dramatic Poem, By HENRI K IBSEN. TRANSLATED BY WILLIAM AND CHARLES ARCHER. ^h's Translation^ though unrhymed, preserves throughout the various rhythms of the original. *' In Brand the hero is an embodied protest against the poverty of 3irit and half-heartedness that Ibsen rebelled against in his country- len. In Peer Gynt the hero is himself the embodiment of that spirit. n Brand the fundamental antithesis, upon which, as its central theme, ne drama is constructed, is the contrast between the spirit of com- romise on the one hand, and the motto ' everything or nothing ' on he other. And Peer Gynt is the very incarnation of a compromising iread 6f decisive committal to any one course. In Brand the problem if self-realisation and the relation of the individual to his surroundings 5 obscurely struggling for recognition, and in Peer Gynt it becomes the brmal theme upon which all the fantastic variations of the drama are )uilt up. In both plays alike the problems of heredity and the influence of early surroundings are more than touched upon; and both alike culminate in the doctrine that the only redeeming power on earth or in leaven is the power of love." — Mr. P. H. Wicksteed. London : Walter Scott, Limited, 24 Warwick Lane. IBSEN'S FAMOUS PROSE DRAMAS Edited by WILLIAM ARCHER. Complete in Five Vols. Crcwn 8vo, Cloth, Price 3/6 each Set of Five Vols., in Case, 17/6; in Half Morocco, in Case, 3: ** IFi seem at last to be shoiun men and women as they are ; and at fir. is more than we can endure. , . . A// Idsen's characters speak and act a they were hypnotised^ and under their creator's imperious demand to re themselves. There never was such a mirror held up to nature before : i too terrible. . . . Yet we must return to Ibsen^ with his remorseless surg, his remorseless electric-light^ until we, too, have grown strong and leame face the naked— if necessary^ the flayed and bleeding—reality.** — Speai (London). Vol. L "A DOLUS HOUSE," "THE LEAGUE ( YOUTH," and "THE PILLARS OF SOCIETY." W Portrait of the Author, and Biographical Introduction WilliamArcher. Vol. IL "GHOSTS," "AN ENEMY OF THE PEOPL and "THE WILD DUCK." With an Introductory Note. Vol. in. " LADY INGER OF OSTRAT," "THE VIKIN AT HELGELAND," "THE PRETENDERS." With Introductory Note and Portrait of Ibsen. , Vol. IV. "EMPEROR AND GALILEAN." With Introductory Note by William Archer. Vol. V. " ROSMERSHOLM," "THE LADY FROM TI SEA," "HEDDA GABLER." Translated by Willi Archer. With an Introductory Note. The sequence of the plays in each volume is chronological ; the com^ set of volumes comprising the dramas thus presents them in chronolog order. *' The art of prose translation does not perhaps enjoy a very high liter status in England, but we have no hesitation in numbering the pres version of Ibsen, so far as it has gone (Vols. I. and XL), among the v best achievements, in that kind, of our generation." — Academy. "We have seldom, if ever, met with a translation so absolul idiomatic." — Glasgow Herald. LONDON: Walter Soott, Limited, 24 Warwick Lanb. Dwn 8vo, about 350 pp. each, Cloth Cover, 2s. 6d. per vol. Half-polished Morocco, gilt top, 5s. ^OUNT TOi^STOrS WORKS. The following Volumes are already issued — A RUSSIAN PROPRIETOR. THE COSSACKS. IVAN ILYITCH, and other Stories. MY RELIGION. LIFE. MY CONFESSION. CHILDHOOD, BOYHOOD, YOUTH. THE PHYSIOLOGY OF WAR. ANNA KAR^NINA 3s. 6d. WHAT TO DO? WAR AND PEACE. (4 Vols.) THE LONG EXILE, and other Stories for Children. SEVASTOPOL. 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