HAGAR 
 REVEL LY 
 
 ame 
 
 Ccirson 
 Goodman
 
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 HAGAR REVELLY 
 
 By 
 DANIEL CARSON GOODMAN 
 
 Author of "Unclothed" 
 
 NEW YORK 
 
 MITCHELL KENNERLEY 
 1913
 
 Copyright, 1913, by 
 Mitchell Kennerley
 
 To 
 MY MOTHER 
 
 who has ever been to me the friend . , 
 steadfast, enduring 9 self-sacrificingo 
 
 2135S23
 
 The regulator of the world is destiny . . . 
 
 Remy de Gourmont.
 
 CHAPTER I 
 
 EMAN REVELLY and his wife had quarrelled for quite 
 half of their twenty years together. This quarrel was 
 apparently much like the others. 
 
 His wife and the two daughters, Hagar and Thatah, 
 sat at the breakfast table, as he backed in from the 
 kitchen. His short, thick figure was trembling with 
 temper, the beads of perspiration, like little pearls, stood 
 out upon the bald part of his head. 
 
 " Fanny is disrespectful again. For a servant, a 
 blockhead, a piece of animal flesh without brains, to an- 
 swer me in this manner is is " he stumbled on the 
 word, and then, noticing the look of disgust and toler- 
 ance on his wife's face, and on the face of the younger 
 daughter, Hagar, he controlled himself and took the re- 
 maining vacant chair. 
 
 As if he felt the necessity for further words, he asked 
 nervously : " What have we to eat ? " He took a hand- 
 kerchief from his sleeve and energetically mopped his 
 reddened face, adding, " I get so nervous. I can't con- 
 trol myself." 
 
 The only answer that came to him was a laugh from 
 Hagar. The child was always amused when her father 
 spoke under temper, for his habit of rolling the r's had 
 never left him. But further aggravation from Hagar 
 was suppressed by her face being buried in a napkin. 
 
 After a moment, Mrs. Revelly broke in. Not very 
 courageously, she said : " Hagar, show your father 
 some respect." 
 
 1
 
 2 Hagar Revelly 
 
 They went on with their meal. Eman Revelly sat 
 stolidly in his chair, not eating, the while he nervously 
 fingered the blue table cloth. 
 
 Suddenly his face reddened to a higher color, he put 
 his fingers to his moustache, irrelevantly turning the 
 ends, and at last with great emotion, when it seemed that 
 everyone else was wrought up to his pitch of excitement, 
 he spoke. 
 
 " Gott, I can't stand this, I tell you. What is it here? 
 Am I a stranger in my own house? " He turned to 
 Thatah, the older daughter. " You see," he went on ; 
 " they sit there, silently, as if I were a stranger." 
 
 " Father," begged Thatah. 
 
 Her beseeching tone only brought added argument. 
 " No, Thatah, it is of no use. I have noticed them for 
 a long time. I've only not said anything." 
 
 Turning upon his wife, who was with precision dipping 
 her spoon into an egg cup, he shouted again: 
 
 " Am I a stranger in my own house ? " 
 
 Mrs. Revelly remained silent, shrinking from his angry 
 words by bowing her head a little more and drawing to- 
 gether her shoulders. 
 
 He flashed, even more angrily : " Tell me." 
 
 At last she looked up at him. 
 
 "Oh, Eman, are we to have another scene?" Then, 
 turning to Hagar, she said quietly. " Hagar, dear, 
 ring for some more coffee." 
 
 Her manner, nonchalant, disdainful, whimsical, though 
 done by a forced effort, only aroused Revelly to greater 
 fury. He asked why it was that after many requests, 
 Fanny should disregardedly come tramping into the 
 house long past midnight, disturbing him and unfitting 
 him for rehearsal the next day. 
 
 " Listen," he said, as he pointed toward his wife, his 
 anger most visible upon his queer, squinting face. " I
 
 Hagar Revelly 3 
 
 want you to have her in this house every night, at no 
 later than ten-thirty." 
 
 Revelly turned to his food for the first time. In his 
 manner was the apparent understanding that nothing 
 more remained to be said. But Mrs. Revelly surprised 
 him by replying : " Eman, Fanny will come in when 
 she pleases." 
 
 This indifference and reply gave the musician a new 
 shock. He turned pale, his hands trembled, as his mind 
 searched for an answer; while the listening Fanny, in 
 emphasis of the secret understanding that existed be- 
 tween her mistress and herself, gave a laugh that re- 
 sounded through the open door and flaunted its insolence 
 into his face. 
 
 For a moment Revelly glared at his wife, then he broke 
 out furiously. " It's a shame that a characterless 
 woman like that servant should have a place in my 
 house." 
 
 The vehemence in his manner and voice startled afresh 
 the three grouped at the table; though he immediately 
 quieted down and showed a sign of regret, more to 
 Thatah than anyone else, by mumbling : " I spoke has- 
 tily. Let us eat." The noisy staccato that his knife 
 played upon the saucer of his coffee cup, betrayed the 
 temper that was surging through him. 
 
 For a time it seemed that a lull had come in the storm 
 of this quarrel-ridden family. Thatah went on eating, 
 her face remaining changeless, though seemingly ex- 
 pectant of the outburst which she knew by long experi- 
 ence would soon come from her mother's lips; while the 
 fifteen-year-old Hagar, not quite understanding the 
 strange words of her father, sat up, more interested, 
 with her brown eyes wide open and her lips apart. She 
 even feared her mother had been silenced. 
 
 But uena Revelly soon answered him, and all the con-
 
 4 Hagar Revelly 
 
 summated feeling of rebellion, stifled from his first words, 
 came angrily from her. 
 
 " Eman, you show how low and common you are. It 
 proves to Hagar what I have long ago told her." 
 
 Arising from her chair, she went into the narrow hall 
 that separated the bedroom from the dining room and 
 kitchen. 
 
 The musician quickly followed her. 
 
 " You have hinted that before," he exclaimed, as he 
 reached her side. " Now, tell me what you mean ! " 
 
 She looked at him steadily, even fearlessly for an in- 
 stant. Then she burst out : " You are a common man, 
 Eman, and I hate you." 
 
 " Remember what you are saying," he interrupted, 
 grasping her arm, as if to awaken her to more caution. 
 
 But now she continued defiantly : " Oh, I know what 
 I'm saying. Yes, I know. The quarrels and bickering 
 have gone on for too many years as it is. Eman, I'm 
 tired of it. I'm tired of it whether you are or not. And 
 you don't have to blame Fanny for it either." 
 
 " Rena, what are you saying? " 
 
 She continued, though more slowly now. " I mean 
 what I say, Eman; it was I who came in at midnight, 
 last night." 
 
 "You!" 
 
 " Yes." 
 
 His anger had changed into apprehension. 
 
 "What were you doing out Rena? For God's 
 sake, what do you mean ? " 
 
 At first Mrs. Revelly started to answer him directly. 
 Then she choked off the words nearly formed. " Oh, I 
 just got sick of the stuffy room. I went over to the 
 park. That's all." 
 
 Revelly was too much astonished to comprehend. For 
 a moment he could only regard her with an expression
 
 Hagar Revelly 5 
 
 full of bewilderment. After a time he said, as he studied 
 her : " Rena, I can't understand you. Are you play- 
 ing with me? What is the matter? Why do you de- 
 liberately allow me to get in this state, then, without giv- 
 ing me some word that would right it? Oh, I can't make 
 you out." 
 
 There was a smile half defiant, half tender, on Mrs. 
 Revelly's face as she answered him. 
 
 " Well, Eman, there isn't so much to make out. It's 
 only that I'm sick of it, sick of everything the com- 
 mon way we live of you, the house, this neighborhood." 
 She seemed roused again. " Yes, I am just so sick of 
 it, I can't stand it. I can't look at you any more, either. 
 Oh, I wish I wish you'd leave me, get a divorce, 
 anything. I can't go on the way it is." 
 
 Revelly's hands dropped to his side. Often before, in 
 the twenty years of their married life, she had puzzled 
 him by her queer efforts at refinement and elegance 
 amidst their squalor. Often indeed, she had shown him 
 that she felt a distinct barrier of breeding separated 
 them. By looks and gesture she had many times con- 
 veyed to him the understanding that she felt herself su- 
 perior to him and her environment. Through all their 
 years of strife and quarrels, he had noticed this in many 
 ways, yet never before had she so directly worded this 
 feeling. 
 
 The musician was indeed unnerved. His hands shook 
 as he glared at her, his lips trembled as he tried to 
 speak, while through his thoughts was running again and 
 again, " Mein ungliick mein ungliick." 
 
 For a full minute they stood motionless. The tension 
 was at last ended by the woman suddenly going into her 
 bedroom and the husband returning to the breakfast 
 table.
 
 CHAPTER II 
 
 Mas. REVELLY had not been in her room for very long 
 before she became overwhelmed by the situation. 
 
 And then realizing for perhaps the first time, what 
 might happen from her hasty words, she rushed back to 
 Fanny in the kitchen and with imploring voice, which 
 surprised the fat servant, begged her to go into the din- 
 ing room and send Eman to her. 
 
 Like a child who awaited punishment, Mrs. Revelly 
 stole back to the bedroom and waited. 
 
 In those few minutes she caught an impression, em- 
 phatic and strong, full of detail her first few years 
 with Eman, the prospect she had dreamed of, that had 
 never come true the total failure of her union with 
 this weak-minded musician-husband. 
 
 As she sat rocking in the chair, she saw her own face 
 again, very beautiful, as people had told her, when she 
 was young. The time of Thatah's birth came before 
 her. She was in bed dreaming, full of confidence in 
 the oncoming period of expectancy langourously 
 dreaming of blue skies and mysterious forests, ready 
 for the gypsy-like passage with her lover along the 
 mountain highway, soothed by the music of nicking 
 goats and the muffled echo of waterfalls. 
 
 And she remembered how she had awakened soon after 
 with amazement, to find that her lover husband, with 
 whom she had shared the deep shaded ravines, was not 
 the curly, black-haired Apollo, but a little German stu- 
 dent, with hesitating manners and a bald head. 
 
 Eman was in the doorway now, with Thatah at his
 
 Hagar Revelly 7 
 
 back. From the look in his grey eyes she knew his anger 
 had not abated. 
 
 " You have sent for me," he said, coldly. 
 
 She looked up at him, hardly aroused from the con- 
 templation of her past : " Yes, Eman I've sent for 
 you." 
 
 He said steadily: "Well, what is it?" 
 
 " I I wanted to talk over, Eman, what I " 
 
 He interrupted her. " There is nothing to talk over. 
 You've told me the truth. You don't care any more. 
 You haven't for a long while." 
 
 For a full minute he paused. Then his words came 
 mingled with anguish and self-pity. 
 
 " You think it is nothing. You don't see what a time 
 I have had of it, struggling from morning to night with 
 the orchestra and the pupils, my heart torn to pieces by 
 such rotten drudgery." 
 
 His short stocky figure trembled, while Thatah, who 
 had been standing by in the hallway, came into the room 
 murmuring, " Oh, father, please, please " 
 
 But he went on resolutely. " You've never realized 
 that you might have combined with me. You have never 
 given a thought to the fact that I was quenching all 
 my ambitions just to support you. No, a woman like 
 you never thinks of that. Have you ever prayed for my 
 happiness ? I ask you that, have you ? " He gazed at 
 her pityingly. " Oh, if you only understood," he cried. 
 
 Then his voice died down. " Always telling me what 
 you are giving up, what you might have had. Yes, it 
 isn't the slip you made that has decided me. It's your 
 attitude ; it has become more intense with each day that 
 has passed since the time I was compelled to take pupils 
 and give up concert work. 
 
 ' Yes, as long as you had dreams and thought there 
 was a possible chance of my becoming known and making
 
 8 Hagar Revelly 
 
 money, you stayed by me. But ever since that possi- 
 bility has passed away, you've lost all interest in me or 
 my work." 
 
 He walked over and sat in a chair by the window. 
 
 " Why, every time I've looked at you," he went on, 
 " the feeling has gnawed at my heart that you gloried 
 in the fact that things were not going well. I know. 
 Other women in your position take a pleasure in sewing 
 or mending. They want to be of some help ; with you 
 it is always Fanny Fanny this, Fanny that isn't it 
 true? Yesterday my socks weren't mates; but could I 
 tell my wife? You don't take any pains about the house 
 always Fanny. The meals are terrible, always the 
 same warmed-over bread, lough dry meats. Yes, you 
 don't care. That's it you don't care . . . And 
 I have always given in to you. First, it was too much 
 music for you; then I must even give up Catholicism to 
 please you. 
 
 " Oh, I've watched you. You decided that since I was 
 unhappy it was of no use for you to be so, and you've 
 gradually gone on with this reasoning until you actually 
 have come to feel yourself a thing apart from our 
 troubles. It's been all wrong from the beginning. You 
 have no understanding of me. And it has made me suf- 
 fer, I tell you, suffer deeply a long while ago." 
 
 As he went on there came the words that made her 
 clutch at the arm of her chair for support. 
 
 " I'll get you a lawyer," he said. " We will live sep- 
 arately. Thatah will come with me and you will take 
 Hagar." 
 
 Mrs. Revelly might have been able to persuade herself 
 that what she needed was firmness, or she might have 
 thought that a few soft words would repair the situa- 
 tion. But when she perceived his deep, throbbing 
 anguish and heard him pass sentence on her, something
 
 Hagar Revdly 0> 
 
 filled her throat and stopped her breathing and her eyes 
 became moist with tears. 
 
 It was so plain how he hated her. She had suspected 
 it for months, had noticed it in his treatment of Hagar, 
 in his sullen greetings in the morning. But now it was 
 a truth and not a suspicion. Every prop had been torn 
 away from her. She was to be left alone, with Hagar! 
 
 Revelly arose from his chair and walked into the hall. 
 
 " Eman," she cried after him, " for Heaven's sake 
 think of Hagar. She is not to blame." 
 
 With the thought that he could not be so cruel with 
 her touch on his arm, she went nearer to him. And it 
 was with some satisfaction that she saw him hesitate. 
 The tension in his face seemed lessened, the cruelty 
 seemed to have passed from his eyes and she thought she 
 had really aroused his pity. Immediately all her 
 strength was used to calm him. She began pleading, 
 begging, beseeching him to consider more deeply the po- 
 sition into which she would be thrown should he take this 
 final step. 
 
 " Why, it is even wrong for you to talk like this, 
 Eman," she argued. " You must think of Hagar. I 
 don't care what you do with me, but you still have an 
 obligation to the child, Eman." 
 
 Not knowing how she exasperated him whenever she 
 assumed this role of meekness, she looked up into his 
 face, even more ardently imploring and submissive. 
 Ignorantly she thought this would be the only manner 
 of holding him. 
 
 But he listened to her words with gathering impa- 
 tience. When she had finished, he said : " We have 
 gone over the entire situation, Rena, and I cannot see, 
 that anything can be gained by talking about it. It 
 wouldn't be long before everything would be just as bad 
 again. No, it is best that we part."
 
 10 Hagar Revelly 
 
 Taking Thatah by the arm he pushed her ahead of 
 him through the doorway. 
 
 Mrs. Revelly was overcome. She waited until she saw 
 them turn at the head of the hall. Then she moved rest- 
 lessly from the door to her dressing table, brushed some 
 powder over her throat and cheeks, and again over to 
 the window; walking back and forth with tears brim- 
 ming over onto her haggard face and moans of despair 
 escaping from her lips. 
 
 Suddenly Hagar burst in on her, crying: 
 
 " Oh, mother, he was cruel to you again, wasn't he? " 
 
 Mrs. Revelly silently took the girl in her arms and 
 hugged her. Their faces were close together and the 
 great tears that welled into both their eyes, mingled and 
 ran down the mother's cheeks. 
 
 " Dear baby, you are another one of me," she whis- 
 pered into the girl's ears. " I only pray that you will 
 have an easier lot." 
 
 The child was perplexed. 
 
 " Why, what's the matter, mother ? " she asked. 
 " Isn't everything all right now ? " 
 
 The mother turned away. " Oh, you poor kiddie," 
 she moaned. 
 
 " But isn't everything all right now? " persisted the 
 child. " Isn't it, mother ? I thought he was only mean 
 again." 
 
 Mrs. Revelly sank down on the edge of her bed, sigh- 
 ing : " Oh, you don't understand, Hagar." 
 
 " Oh, yes, I do, I listened to everything, and I am so 
 sorry you are unhappy, mother dear." 
 
 Leaning over her, the girl threw her arms about her 
 mother's neck and kissed her very delicately once or 
 twice. Then, framing the woman's sad face with her 
 little hands, she said :
 
 Hagar Revelly 11' 
 
 " Isn't everything all right ? You must tell me, 
 mother." 
 
 " Please, dearie, don't " begged the woman. 
 
 And Hagar, after regarding her mother for some time, 
 exclaimed perplexedly : " Oh, you're so funny, mother. 
 I don't understand you."
 
 CHAPTER III 
 
 THE essential part of Mrs. Revelly's make-up was a de- 
 sire to live true to her impulses, and in Hagar this qual- 
 ity was now acting in its first guise. It made of her a 
 dreamer, P quaint child of nature, and gave to her no 
 understanding except that which came through her emo- 
 tions and impulses. 
 
 Having left school at the age of twelve, for no appar- 
 ent reason other than that of disinclination on her part, 
 and lack of control on the part of her mother, her little 
 mind dealt only in simple material. She became a wan- 
 dering, romantic, open-eyed little person, whose chief 
 characteristic was an inordinate sense of affection for 
 those whom she loved. 
 
 Hagar had many queer little ways. When the soft, 
 low call of wintry winds came down from the north, she 
 would stand by the window and gaze out, her mind 
 wrapped in conjecture, her heart's spirit taking wing 
 with the cold blast. Wandering with it, she would listen 
 to its bluster and fury, and again to its quieting rhythm, 
 as if she were the traveller instead of the tiny white flakes 
 of snow outside the frosted panes as if the storm and 
 the wind were her express train to some unknown magical 
 land. 
 
 When the summers came, and the sunlight was warm 
 and the shadows mysterious, she would look out of the 
 window, with her eyes staring, her mind yearning and 
 dreaming, as the seductive warmth penetrated into every 
 fibre of her body. At these times her mind would carry 
 
 her off on the enticing breezes to some new land, a little 
 
 12
 
 Hagar Revelly 13 
 
 dream-isle, where everything was golden-colored and 
 sweet-scented. 
 
 And now, though the quarrel between her parents 
 rather bewildered her, still she took a keen interest in the 
 dissolution of their household, all that day wandering 
 about the house, watching and noting the changes that 
 had taken place. She observed, with almost pleasurable 
 curiosity, her mother's semi-hysteria and the sad, sub- 
 missive expression on Thatah's countenance. Only 
 gradually, the strange action of the family brought home 
 to her the really serious aspect of what had happened. 
 Early in the afternoon, when she met Thatah in the hall- 
 way and dropped into the broad seat of the hat rack, 
 thinking her sister would stop for a word with her, Tha- 
 tah passed on, never lifting her saddened eyes. And 
 again, when she met her father, he seemed too preoc- 
 cupied even to notice her. 
 
 All this began to bother her considerably, though 
 strangely she felt no grief. It was more a feeling of in- 
 terest that stirred her, and only the idea that she was 
 neither taking part in the family tragedy, nor feeling it, 
 seemed to trouble her. 
 
 It made her feel somewhat ashamed and guilty when 
 she saw Thatah so sad. Once, she stopped in front of 
 the mirror and tried to cry, in an effort to take her share 
 of the unhappiness. It was of no use. Something new 
 was happening and she could only feel queerly pleased. 
 
 But toward evening the gloom of the house and her 
 loneliness commenced to take hold of her mood and she 
 really became immeasurably sad. 
 
 When the dusk had already settled, she went into her 
 own little room and closed the door. In this manner she 
 thought she would shut out the silence, which had grad- 
 ually become intolerable. Fanny called her at supper 
 time, but she would not go. Sitting mutely by the win-
 
 14 Ha gar Revelly 
 
 dow, she saw the stars come out, and then the dim moon. 
 
 Looking out into the darkness, Hagar began to think, 
 for quite the first time, of the reason for all the trouble. 
 She thought of her father and she wondered why it was 
 that Thatah was unkind to her. She felt that she liked 
 Thatah well enough. She thought she would have liked 
 to say to Thatah : " Thatah, why is it we don't get 
 along together? Why do you avoid me and look so 
 funny when I talk to you? " 
 
 Until a big clock in the distance struck two, Hagar 
 sat at the window childishly wondering what would be the 
 outcome of the whole affair. Her mind seemed to be 
 whirling about, and as she looked into darkness the trees 
 and lamp-posts seemed to take on all sorts of grotesque 
 shapes. 
 
 She became even a little frightened, but would not 
 stop from brooding. There seemed so much that needed 
 solution, so much to think about. And then, too, al- 
 though she had twice lain down on her bed, as much to 
 find a refuge from the gruesomeness of the night as for 
 rest's sake, she could not sleep. 
 
 " I can't stand it," she exclaimed, suddenly pulling 
 down the blind. There was already peeping up from the 
 eastern sky a faint suggestion of dawn. 
 
 So, silent and stiff, Hagar rose and stole to Thatah's 
 door. 
 
 Though she did not at all mean to do this, she found 
 herself knocking lightly. Immediately she began to wish 
 that Thatah had not heard, and her hand, as it lay on 
 the door knob, was cold and trembling. 
 
 But Thatah's voice inquired: "Who is it?" 
 
 " It's me Hagar," the child answered shakily. 
 
 " What do you want? " 
 
 " Let me in, Thatah, I want to see you."
 
 Hagar Revelly 15 
 
 How she wished she had not knocked! Surely, how- 
 ever, after all the quarrels, Thatah would not let her in. 
 
 But Thatah replied : " Wait a minute, Hagar ; the 
 door is locked." 
 
 Hagar heard the bare feet come across the floor and 
 the sound of the turning key. Then " Come in, 
 Hagar." 
 
 She went in. Thatah was back in bed. By her side 
 was a lamp turned quite high and an opened book lay on 
 the little stand by her side. 
 
 "What's the matter?" asked Thatah. 
 
 Her light hair hung in profusion about her shoulders. 
 Her face was pale. But she appeared very kind and 
 somehow Hagar felt a desire to cry, and explain how 
 lonesome she was and how scared she felt sitting by the 
 window. 
 
 " Oh, sister, I don't know what's the matter. Why is 
 everything so awful? " 
 
 " You think everything is awful, Hagar," replied Tha- 
 tah, studying the soft face. " I didn't know you felt it 
 so much." 
 
 " Oh, I don't know," answered Hagar vaguely. " But 
 I do feel terribly unhappy. I never felt so nervous and 
 funny before. Why does all this trouble have to come, 
 Thatah?" 
 
 " Because our parents are unhappy together, I sup- 
 pose." 
 
 Hagar gave an impetuous toss of her head that 
 brought the heavy black hair around to her breasts. 
 
 " Oh, they oughtn't to do it now, anyway," she ex- 
 claimed. " It's father's fault. Why doesn't he be dif- 
 ferent? He's so queer and acts so funny." She looked 
 at Thatah with wide open eyes. " You know that every- 
 body says he's so wrapped up in his work that he neg-
 
 16 Hagar Revelly 
 
 lects mother. Now, what will they say? And then, I 
 was to have gone to a dance to-night." 
 
 Thatah smiled. " Can't you go some other night, 
 dearie? " 
 
 " Oh, it isn't that." Hagar rose and walked across 
 the room. 
 
 After a moment she sat down again on the edge of the 
 bed. 
 
 " You know that father has been mean to mother. I 
 have seen him twice strike her. You know that, too. I 
 guess father is crazy the way everybody says." 
 
 Thatah searched the round, white face, asking herself 
 again and again if she should explain the situation to 
 Hagar. Then she decided. 
 
 " Hagar," she began, " mother is a queer woman. I 
 know this better than you ; and she's selfish, too and 
 afraid of growing old. Father's different he's 
 worked hard. His ambition was to become a famous mu- 
 sician. Why, he might have," she looked up with her 
 eyes wide awake, " if he hadn't been compelled to support 
 us. You see, mother doesn't think of this. She never 
 thinks he is really a great man. Mother only believes 
 what other people say about him. 
 
 " Have you ever heard him play when he was alone ? " 
 she asked, more quietly. " I have, and that's the reason 
 I know just how he feels. His music cries, Hagar, be- 
 cause when he plays it is the only time he expresses his 
 real feelings. Oh, you don't know how wonderful he is ! " 
 
 " Oh, Thatah ! " the younger girl cried, astonished. 
 
 So, Thatah was unhappy, too calm, superior Tha- 
 tah. Hagar noticed how nervously her sister brushed 
 back the hair that hung over her eyes, how her thin 
 fingers clutched intermittently at the roll in the sheet. 
 She was more struck at her sister's vehemence than bj 
 what her sister said.
 
 Hagar Revelly 17 
 
 For some time they sat in silence. 
 
 Then Hagar spoke. " Well, perhaps that's all true," 
 she said restlessly. " But I know it's father's fault this 
 time." 
 
 " It is mother's fault, Hagar," Thatah answered 
 quickly. " She doesn't think, nor care." 
 
 " You mean that mother is the one that is causing all 
 this trouble?" 
 
 "Yes, Hagar." 
 
 " Oh, I just can't understand you at all." 
 
 Thatah took hold of the child's dainty little hands and 
 held them out in front of her, as if comparing them with 
 her own. 
 
 At last she said softly : " I guess I must tell you, 
 Hagar." She hesitated, then went on slowly. " Well, 
 mother does not love him. She loves some one else." 
 
 "Why, Thatah!" gasped Hagar. 
 
 " Think, dearie," whispered Thatah. 
 
 Then Hagar started, as if given a new understanding. 
 "Oh, you mean Mr. Nealy, don't you? Oh, no," she 
 cried on, emphatically. " You are mistaken, Thatah. 
 He is as fond of me as he is of mother. I know that." 
 
 " Dearie, you don't know everything," replied Thatah, 
 grasping her sister's hands again. 
 
 " Well, I know enough." 
 
 Hagar was stretched alongside of Thatah now, with 
 her hands under her head and her face to the ceiling, but 
 when Thatah said that the mother was tired of their pov- 
 erty and wanted to look pretty for Mr. Nealy, she sat 
 upright, determined upon making an answer which would 
 convince Thatah that she was in the wrong. She tried 
 to arrange her thoughts so that she could strike on some 
 incident, or occurrence, which could prove this. Then 
 she thrust out: 
 
 " You don't like me, Thatah, that's it. You know you
 
 18 Hagar Revelly 
 
 don't. That's why you say these things about mother. 
 It's because you know it hurts me when you speak of her 
 that way. Well, it's not my fault that people think I 
 am pretty, or take me out. If you'd take better care of 
 your clothes and be more agreeable, they'd ask you too. 
 You're jealous of me. That's the reason. Oh, mother 
 has told me." 
 
 Thatah's ire was only slightly aroused by Hagar's out- 
 burst. 
 
 " Hagar, you don't know. And it's no use for us to 
 quarrel. I am really happy when I see you happy. 
 Then, I don't get fun out of the things you do. I guess 
 that's the whole thing. Anyway, I couldn't go out and 
 leave father alone all the time." 
 
 " But why doesn't he go with mother? " Hagar inter- 
 rupted. " She would be lonesome, too, if she was as 
 foolish as he is." 
 
 With a sudden determination to explain away the en- 
 tire situation, Thatah sat upright in bed. For only an 
 instant she faltered, wondering if she was doing right by 
 exposing the secret which had so long rankled within 
 her. 
 
 " I am going to tell you straight, Hagar," she began, 
 her eyes blazing, her hands clenched tightly together. 
 " Yes, I am going to tell you, tell you what everyone 
 knows. Only they don't tell you, because you are too 
 young. I guess I wouldn't tell you myself but that it is 
 all over now. I've gone to mother and begged and 
 begged her, but it's never been of any use. Sometimes, 
 I wanted to tell father but I didn't dare. 
 
 " Well, I've watched them go out together, Hagar. 
 Yes, mother and Mr. Nealy. I've seen her come in late 
 at night with rouge on her lips and black plaster on her 
 cheeks." 
 
 Thatah could not control herself. She went on, tell-
 
 Hagar Revelly 19 
 
 ing all the things of which Hagar had been so igno- 
 rant. 
 
 " You are pretty, Hagar, and everyone loves you. I 
 know they don't care for me, because I am silent and 
 don't go a lot with them. But I'm not jealous of you. 
 All along I've only wanted somebody to tell things to. 
 Don't you think I've suffered when I didn't have anyone 
 to confide in? Why, I've worried about myself, too, and 
 have wondered a lot of times, why it was that I was so 
 different. I suppose it is because I am the only one who 
 knows about the real cause of this trouble. And yet, 
 even at that, I always blame myself for being the way I 
 am. Yes, I blame myself and never have anyone to tell 
 me that I'm wrong." 
 
 She continued earnestly: 
 
 " Look at my hands. Look how thin they are. I'm 
 not yet twenty and yet I look lots older, and people think 
 I'm queer like father." She appeared to be talking more 
 to herself. " And all the time I've been wanting and 
 begging for some one to whom I could tell the real cause 
 of my being that way. Yes, mother knows why I am so 
 unhappy, but she only thinks of herself." 
 
 As Thatah went on she forgot Hagar's presence en- 
 tirely and that of her mother in the next room. Talk- 
 ing spontaneously, she let out the words that had been 
 stored and accumulated. 
 
 " I couldn't tell father. So it has become as if I was 
 choking down a secret that some day would be bigger 
 than I could hold. Sometimes I wanted him to know it. 
 But I would see him coming home at night tired and 
 worried. So I would go on to the next time, choking it 
 down." 
 
 '* You don't mean that mother is a bad woman, do you, 
 Thatah? " Hagar asked. 
 
 " Yes, sister," came the reluctant answer.
 
 20 Hagar Revelly 
 
 Hagar rose quickly now from where she had seated 
 herself. 
 
 " Oh, I've had enough of this," she burst out angrily. 
 " You're lying you're lying and I won't talk to 
 
 you." 
 
 Hagar ran from the room, and on reaching her own 
 bed, buried her head deep in the pillows. Her heart 
 ached bitterly. Thatah was abusing her mother. How 
 Thatah had talked. What lies she had told about her 
 mother and about her. She would never believe them. 
 Mr. Nealy was an old friend. He only took her mother 
 out walking and saw her so often because he felt sorry 
 for her, sorry for the way her father neglected her. 
 Then, hadn't she heard her father say often enough that 
 he had no time " to waste " on going out ? 
 
 Hagar thought on deeply, asking herself again and 
 again if there could be some chance that Thatah was 
 right. Over the entire ground she fought her way, bat- 
 tling against the accusation, point by point, endeavoring 
 to convince herself of its absolute untruth. 
 
 And then, gradually, in one way or another, she became 
 bewildered, one minute being absolutely sure of her con- 
 victions and the next confronted by some shadow of 
 doubt, which would not let her rest. 
 
 At last, she saw that she must confront her mother for 
 a solution, telling herself that it was only because the 
 mother would show how wrong Thatah was. 
 
 She was hardly past the door when she became greatly 
 frightened. Her mother was lying, face buried in the 
 pillows, struggling to overcome the emotions that had 
 attacked her mind and body throughout the night. Her 
 hands were gathered about her face, her sobs despairing 
 and mournful. 
 
 Hagar ran and knelt at the side of the bed, her heart
 
 Hagar Revelly 21 
 
 so torn by her mother's pitiful condition that she hardly 
 dared to speak. 
 
 In that moment she forgot all her sister's imputations, 
 all the merciless words that had been poured into her 
 ears, and her own argument that had nearly convinced 
 her of their truth. Remembering nothing, neither rea- 
 soning nor asking for explanation, she threw her arms 
 about the quaking body, crying, as she kissed the white 
 hands and forehead, " Mother, mother, I love you, I love 
 you. I don't believe anything Thatah told me." 
 
 But her mother lay motionless, and except for the 
 deeply suppressed sobs that escaped from her now and 
 again, she gave no apparent recognition of Hagar's 
 presence, while Hagar, frightened, kept on pleading, 
 " Mother, she's lying and I know it. Oh, please don't 
 be so sad. Talk to me please." 
 
 Finally Mrs. Revelly uncovered her face and Hagar 
 saw the colorless cheeks and the blood-shot eyes that were 
 dry and sunken. It moved her to kiss the woman again, 
 and repeat : " You know, mother, I don't believe it." 
 
 Mrs. Revelly raised herself in the bed and tried to 
 speak. It was a useless endeavor, at first, and only after 
 a time, after she had seemed to call into play every 
 muscle of her body, was she able to say : " Hagar, what 
 your sister told you is true. Oh, I heard it all." 
 
 She stared vacantly at the ceiling as she spoke, lifting 
 her hands to her throat in an effort to ease the feeling 
 that was choking her. 
 
 " Yes, Thatah hasn't lied," she moaned, talking 
 through her dishevelled hair. " Oh, God knows I am suf- 
 fering enough for it." With the words came another 
 tumult of sobs and tears. 
 
 Fearing some dreadful end to her mother's suffering, 
 Hagar crawled upon the bed and wrapped her arms about
 
 22 Hagar Revelly 
 
 her mother's quivering body. And from an instinctive 
 fear that loud words might make worse her mother's con- 
 dition, she talked softly, in a hushed voice. 
 
 " Don't, please, mother, please don't cry," she mur- 
 mured again and again. Her own throat was beginning 
 to twitch spasmodically. 
 
 But her mother was not to be quieted, and kept up a 
 continuous, running, self-abasement. " I wronged him, 
 Hagar, I wronged him, and now I am suffering for it." 
 
 " You must be quiet, mother," implored Hagar. " I 
 love you and I always will. I shall never leave you but 
 will stay and comfort you. I know how mean father has 
 been. Now, please don't worry so." 
 
 They lay together, their arms entwined, cheek against 
 cheek, and the mother whispered : " Oh, my little girl, 
 how little you know of the world." With a trembling 
 hand she stroked back the soft black hair of the child. 
 " Yes, if you knew, you would not forgive me so easily." 
 
 Then she drew Hagar closer. " Listen, child, my be- 
 loved, I do not care for your father. I have tried very 
 hard, but I can't. A kind word, even a glance from him 
 cuts me like a knife. Oh, I tried so hard before I gave 
 in to the truth of it. And I can't, I can't. With Mr. 
 Nealy, there is peace and happiness, Hagar, but with 
 your father . . . Oh, my little girl, you will never 
 forgive." 
 
 " Why, I forgive you now, mother," cried Hagar, 
 eager for her mother to continue. 
 
 And, as if doubting her, the mother said again, " You 
 wouldn't if you understood." 
 
 " I do, I understand," Hagar answered. " And I do 
 forgive you. Why I'd just die if I didn't have you. 
 We'll live together and be quiet and happy. You'll be 
 happy because he won't bother you. You'll see. Now 
 don't be so miserable."
 
 Her simple pleading affected the mother deeply. She 
 clasped Hagar in a tight, nearly painful embrace, while 
 Hagar, more encouraged, went on: 
 
 '' You think I don't understand why, mother, some- 
 times when I get ,to thinking, I dream such wonderful 
 dreams, too, about living in big houses, and having car- 
 riages and a lot of money and people looking at me. 
 Sometimes I dream I am very beautiful and very happy 
 because I can have just everything I want. You see, I 
 know how it is. All I have to do is look around and see 
 how awful everything is here and how poor we are." 
 
 Mrs. Revelly truly conceived the earnestness of Ha- 
 gar's confession. Though the child's words were a mis- 
 interpretation of her own mood, she felt it better to let 
 Hagar believe in her dreams. It would do no good to 
 tell her that this misery was something different, some- 
 thing caused by the sorrow of guilt. And then, far 
 back in some remote niche of her brain, was there not this 
 same childish thought, lain dormant since youth? 
 
 " Hagar, I am going to tell you something," she whis- 
 pered into the child's ears. " Many women go through 
 this torture that I have suffered. They get tired of a 
 dull life and poverty, but never give in. That is, they 
 never dare, and think they are still good women because 
 they haven't given in until some day when they get to 
 wishing and yearning so much they just can't fight back. 
 
 " Then comes the blow, Hagar. Some cruel, mean 
 thing, makes them look in the looking-glass, maybe while 
 they are dressing that night to meet him. And they 
 see awful wrinkles and long grey hairs. 
 
 " Well, it's all over that minute. They see it's no use, 
 that they have grown old. It makes them feel very 
 ashamed of themselves and very foolish, Hagar, whenever 
 they think about it, after that. And they stay unhappy 
 for a long time. When they get over it, they don't care
 
 24 JIagar Revelly ' 
 
 any more, unless they have got some one else." Mrs. 
 Revelly kissed Hagar with deep affection, before she 
 went on. " That is the only thing will save them," she 
 added in a whisper. 
 
 More slowly she continued: 
 
 " Dear child, I met Mr. Nealy eight years ago, when 
 I had no one to care for or that cared for me. Every-! 
 thing was so monotonous that I couldn't hold out. I've 
 loved him ever since I met him. I love him desperately. 
 And it is only because I love him so much that I cling to 
 him just for that reason alone. For he is as poor as 
 we are, and cannot give me anything. 
 
 " At first, he came to me and needed a friend as much 
 as I did. He was trying hard to make a living and I was 
 only interested in his ambition. But I began to know 
 and understand him. ... I would do anything in 
 the world he'd ask of me, Hagar. Except for you, he is 
 the only one I have to live for." 
 
 By now Mrs. Revelly was calm and lay along Hagar's 
 side, her eyes gazing almost peacefully at the ceiling 
 paper. 
 
 " Yes, kiddie, I tell you because I want you to know," 
 she went on. " He is so kind, and good and tender. He 
 has given up his life for me. I never knew what it was 
 to throb just when some one touched me. I never knew 
 how it felt to have your heart jump just at the sight 
 of a person. But I know now, and before God, who is 
 my witness, I wouldn't give him up for anything else in 
 life." 
 
 She added, in a soliloquy, while Hagar lay in her arms 
 half asleep, " We pay dearly for all the sweetness that 
 comes to us, and I am willing to pay for mine." 
 
 Her eyes were filled with tenderness as she spoke. 
 
 Suddenly she turned on her side toward Hagar, and 
 putting her arms about the child's body convulsively
 
 Hagar Revelly 25 
 
 drew her near. " Oh, Hagar," she cried ; " tell me I'm 
 not a bad woman, tell me, kiddie, tell me. Say I am only 
 a good woman, who must suffer now because she has en- 
 dured her unhappiness too long." 
 
 Her voice was full of begging. The child was wide 
 awake again. " Tell me more, mother," begged Hagar. 
 
 " There is not much more to tell, dearie. I only 
 wanted you to know." Then she hesitated. " I won- 
 der," she said more slowly, " now that you do know it, if 
 you can be just as fond of me, if we can be just as dear 
 to each other. Oh, Hagar, you see I am burying the 
 mother in me deep enough when I tell you these things. 
 But you must know after all. Problems will come into 
 your life when you grow older, when you are totally 
 unprepared. Perhaps, I am only doing a mother's duty 
 after all." 
 
 " You've suffered, haven't you, mother? " said Hagar, 
 holding her mother more tightly. 
 
 For the first time Mrs. Revelly smiled a little. " Oh, 
 I suffered at the beginning, dearie. I feared your father 
 would notice and I feared his violent threats even 
 more. 
 
 " Why should I give him up, if he is so dear to me ? " 
 she thought on. " We could go away some place to live, 
 Hagar, in a little apartment in some other part of town, 
 unless your father leaves here himself, as he says. But 
 it is the end. Thatah will stay with him. And you ? " 
 She drew Hagar near to her. " Will you stay with me? " 
 
 " Wherever you go, mother," Hagar breathed softly. 
 
 Mrs. Revelly clasped Hagar in her arms with renewed 
 affection and with her lips at the child's lips, whispered: 
 
 " Oh, Hagar, you are a part of me. You must stay 
 by me." And to reassure herself she asked again, " You 
 will, won't you? " 
 
 " Always, mother, always," Hagar murmured. . .
 
 26 Hagar Revelly 
 
 It was nine o'clock that morning when they had quieted 
 themselves. 
 
 In the next room could be heard Thatah and her father 
 talking in low tones and then a number of steps in the 
 hallway, mingled with the grating noise of a trunk 
 dragged along the bare boards of the floor. 
 
 Hagar lay asleep, while Mrs. Revelly fell into a new 
 paroxysm of tears, as she realized that her husband had 
 actually begun his preparations for leaving her.
 
 CHAPTER IV 
 
 THAT she managed to pull through the following week 
 without losing all hold on herself was a real surprise to 
 Mrs. Revelly. In reality the one thing that kept her 
 from giving in entirely to her feelings was the unceasing 
 effort she made to persuade herself this great calamity 
 was not of her own making. 
 
 After the first few days she gained strength rapidly. 
 Perhaps it was chiefly on account of her material wor- 
 ries, for during the week following Eman's departure 
 she was forced to become more practical than she had 
 ever been before. 
 
 Deciding that she could not keep the flat without more 
 money than would be coming from her husband, she in- 
 serted a small advertisement in the paper. The word- 
 ing of it, which mentioned a delightful room in a refined 
 family consisting of mother and daughter, brought many 
 applicants. Fanny also decided to stay temporarily for 
 a few dollars less a month, which made it possible for 
 Mrs. Revelly to offer meals as well as rooms. 
 
 By the fourth morning the two vacant rooms had been 
 taken. The one next Mrs. Revelly's was rented to a 
 thin-faced little woman, who wore rubbers the day she 
 came, because of a slight fog in the early morning. Her 
 name was Janet French and she introduced herself by 
 saying that she attended to her own business, never both- 
 ered about anyone else's affairs and that in place of the 
 parlor she would expect to use her bedroom for her com- 
 pany. Mrs. Revelly gave her the room. 
 
 27
 
 28 Hagar Revelly 
 
 Noontime of the same day came another, a young 
 man. 
 
 Mrs. Revelly sent Hagar down to see him. 
 
 She found him standing in the vestibule carefully 
 studying one of the old weathered oil paintings. 
 
 " You want to see about a room? " asked Hagar. 
 
 " Yes, if you please." He held in his hand the ad- 
 vertisement clipping. " My name is Herrick F. A. 
 Herrick. I am employed by the Raphael Art Glass peo- 
 ple, as designer," he added. " What do you want for 
 a room and board? " 
 
 He spoke in a very businesslike manner and had a di- 
 rect way of expressing himself. 
 
 Hagar hesitated. " If you will wait, I'll ask," she 
 said, and left him standing in the middle of the hall. 
 
 The fellow was clean cut and rather attractive 
 physically. His face was boyish he couldn't have 
 been past twenty-two and as he saw Hagar's trim lit- 
 tle figure pass up the stairway, his blue eyes followed anx- 
 iously. " I hope it isn't too much," he said to himself 
 as he watched her. 
 
 Into the room upstairs Hagar darted unceremoniously. 
 
 " Oh, mother," she cried ; " he's the dandiest looking 
 fellow, and he wants to know how much we want." 
 
 Mrs. Revelly, even yet too weak and ill to deal in busi- 
 -ness matters, searched her brain for a price. The room 
 that was vacant was a much larger room than the one 
 rented to Miss French. 
 
 After some thought she said: 
 
 " Ask him what he paid at his last place." 
 
 Miss French was paying eight dollars for her room 
 and board. She thought that for the other room it 
 ought to be at least ten. But she let Hagar rush down 
 to the young man. 
 
 " Mother says you can have it for the same as you paid
 
 Hagar Revelly 29 
 
 in your last place," said Hagar, before she was fairly 
 in the hall. 
 
 " Well," he replied, " I left the last place because it 
 was a little too steep for me, but I am willing to pay 
 nine dollars a week if that is agreeable." 
 
 Hagar answered immediately. " Mother says that will 
 be all right. I will show you the room." 
 
 She took him to the room and after he had given it the 
 slightest kind of cursory glance, he told her that he 
 would be glad to send his trunk over the same evening. 
 
 " Whenever you wish," said Hagar. 
 
 They shook hands at the door, and the warmth of his 
 strong grasp stayed with Hagar until her eyes followed 
 him around the corner of the next street. 
 
 There were four more callers that day, three young 
 men, and one rather old, who wore a heavy golden horse- 
 shoe in his tie and had big red hands. But all were dis- 
 missed, as Mrs. Revelly decided despite Hagar's protests 
 that the child should still have her own room to herself. 
 
 It was after this first week that Mrs. Revelly thought 
 it would not be wrong for Mr. Nealy to come to her, and, 
 after holding off for another day from answering his 
 yearning letters, she wrote to him. When Nealy came, 
 Mrs. Revelly felt that all evidences of her tearful days 
 of stress and worry were removed. She had spent an 
 hour getting ready for this first meeting since her hus- 
 band's departure, and he found her quietly reading and 
 looking very well. 
 
 Arising from her chair, she ran to the door, taking a 
 passing glance in the mirror. 
 
 Nealy was paler than when she had last seen him. 
 Deep lines ran down from his eyes to the corners of his 
 mouth. 
 
 For a moment they regarded each other without even 
 touching hands. Nealy plainly showed how anxious he
 
 30 Hagar Revelly 
 
 was, when he kissed her. Her arms were still about his 
 neck as they stood and talked. 
 
 " I'm glad it's all over." His voice was calm for quite 
 the first time. " Now, tell me what's happened." 
 
 "Well he's left." 
 
 " Left ! " 
 
 " Yes, and taken Thatah with him." 
 
 His state of bewilderment was apparent. He grasped 
 her hands roughly. 
 
 "But what is going to happen? Am I mentioned 
 
 "Why, John" 
 
 " Oh, I know," he said hastily. " But look what it 
 means to me if I get mixed up in a divorce case. I 
 guess it's ruin," he added intensely. 
 
 Mrs. Revelly laughed. " John, you're acting foolish. 
 Everything is all right." 
 
 Nealy, still excited, took her hand. " You mean he 
 doesn't know ? " 
 
 " Sure, John, and I don't think he ever will. Some- 
 how the quarrel didn't seem to have anything to do with 
 you so far as he could see." 
 
 "But Thatah doesn't she know? Won't she tell 
 him? " 
 
 " I don't think so. She is too much afraid of giving 
 him a new worry you know how crazy she is about him. 
 She could never tell him anything that would bother 
 him." 
 
 Nealy's face lost some of its expression of excitement 
 and fear. " I was pretty much worried," he confessed. 
 " I didn't hear the whole truth. Your only letter was 
 so vague. Things are bad enough for me as they are, 
 and I guess you've had a bad time of it too, Rena." 
 
 Then he held her off from him, gently observing her 
 for a moment, and patting her pale cheeks and smooth- 
 ing back with a touch of his fingers, a wrinkle that had
 
 Hagar Revelly 31 
 
 gathered on her forehead. " But you are as beautiful 
 as ever, Rena," he said. 
 
 She let him admire her, contented and happy to know 
 that she was so attractive to him. When they were 
 seated, on a divan near the window, he asked, hesitating 
 to mention the subject: "Where have they moved 
 to?" 
 
 "I think some place below Thirty-fourth Street on 
 Lexington Avenue. He left the address with Hagar." 
 
 " After all, there will be peace and quiet now," he 
 said, as he took her hand and kissed the back of it. 
 " Peace and quiet, and I guess you deserve it, dear little 
 woman." 
 
 " It has been very hard, though," she remarked. 
 
 " Yes, but it is over, and you are going to be very, 
 very happy." 
 
 " I have thanked Heaven many times that I have you, 
 John," she said seriously, looking up. 
 
 She fingered the small locket that he wore on a gold 
 chain. 
 
 "You've looked at that this week?" 
 
 " You know that," he answered. 
 
 " You can't imagine how queer Hagar is becoming," 
 Mrs. Revelly went on irrelevantly. She told how she 
 had lately noticed the strange way in which the child 
 would hug and kiss her, and how her little fingers would 
 hold on after a caress. 
 
 " You can't realize the affection there is in that child," 
 she added. 
 
 " I believe you're right," he returned, remembering 
 how one day he had watched Hagar caress a young spar- 
 row that had fallen from a tree, with an affection that 
 ^as nearly abnormal. Though she held the little thing 
 gently between her fingers and stroked the feathery back 
 with great delicacy, yet he perceived how her hand trem-
 
 32 Hagar Revelly 
 
 bled, and her body stiffened, and the quivering of her 
 lips and slow rhythmic moving of her little bosom. 
 
 It had been all suppressed in the child, but he could 
 see the emotions that ran through her. And now he told 
 the woman beside him about it. 
 
 " There is everything in her that there is in you, 
 Rena," said he ; " passion, emotional regard, affection 
 only they don't come out because they have never been 
 brought out. But that is only because she is not yet 
 conscious of herself." Before he thought of his words, 
 he went on : " And she is the kind of woman that would 
 give her future, everything, in the instant. That is 
 what you notice in her embrace. It is passion." 
 
 " You mean like me, dear ? " Mrs. Revelly questioned. 
 
 " A good deal, only you, poor child, were made by cir- 
 cumstance to go for so long without what was rightfully 
 yours." 
 
 Mrs. Revelly became lost in thought. At last she 
 said : " I am afraid you are right about Hagar.'* 
 
 " I am anxious to see her," he said. 
 
 He left very late that evening, but his curiosity about 
 Hagar kept Mrs. Revelly wondering considerably. In 
 his next visit, his first question was again about the child. 
 And when he found she was out, Mrs. Revelly could see 
 a shadow of disappointment spread over his face. 
 
 They saw each other every day now, and the hours 
 passed always too quickly. It was as if they were again 
 living through a rejuvenation of their earlier love. 
 
 One day they discussed a new book that had met with 
 a great deal of success. The title of the book was " A 
 Song of Life," and Nealy brought up the subject since 
 it was spoken of as a new departure in literature. 
 
 " The woman in it has a little short nose, just like 
 yours," said he playfully. 
 
 While they were discussing the book, they came across
 
 Hagar Revelly 33 
 
 a full paged picture on one of the leaves, which showed 
 a woman stretched out at full length upon a window seat. / 
 It made him look at the figure of Mrs. Revelly and 
 then he allowed his glance to follow down the lengthN / 
 of her limbs to her feet, where just a glimpse of flesh | 
 could be seen through the sheer fabric of her thin 
 stockings. 
 
 He seated himself beside her, and took her in his arms 
 and ran one hand up and down her side, in a passionate 
 caress. 
 
 " It's curious, Rena," he said, quietly, " how we have 
 gone on for eight years, feeling and caring in just the 
 same way we did when we first met." 
 
 " It is all very strange," she murmured. 
 
 " It sometimes makes me wonder." 
 
 "About what?" 
 
 " Oh, what it all means. We get so happy and so 
 sad, and we yearn so much and get so little, and then in 
 the end always happy just to be able to go on without 
 realizing a thing." 
 
 " Yes, I think of that a lot." 
 
 " Of course I am happier now," he went on, " but my 
 days are a little strange, for all that. I talk so ear- 
 nestly to people, and look into their eyes, and listen to 
 what they say, and all the time in my inner consciousness 
 knowing that it is only to enable me to make a few dol- 
 lars just to live a little longer." 
 
 When the time came for him to go he murmured that 
 it was all too soon. And at the door, she held up her 
 face to him and he placed a kiss on her lips, and said : 
 
 "It is going to be different, now, Rena, isn't it?" 
 
 She put her arm about him. " Yes, dear friend." 
 Then she added, " I want you to be happy now." 
 
 " I am, you know that." 
 
 Before he passed onto the broken stone steps he took
 
 34 Hagar Revelly 
 
 her in his arms again, saying in a hushed voice : " Rena, 
 I do love you." 
 
 His feelings appeared to have surged up and encom- 
 passed him at that last moment. It was very reluctantly 
 that he shut the door after him. 
 
 When he had gone Rena went back to her room. It 
 was dark, but she hesitated to make a light. Instead she 
 began thinking, recalling* the first time they met, the 
 beginning of their acquaintance. Her thoughts went 
 back over the years. She remembered the little glances 
 at first and the short strange meetings, and talks. 
 
 She remembered the beginning of their acquaintance. 
 It had commenced when he was on the verge of being 
 known as a writer of serious fiction and more because it 
 was fiction without the usual detail' 1 for romantic action. 
 Then came three years' separation- while he was away 
 amongst some wood choppers and lumber camps in the 
 north. When he returned with the work he had written, 
 they met one day at the studio of a fellow musician of 
 her husband. That day they mentioned to each other 
 another engagement that would bring them together. 
 In a week they were meeting regularly with a> feeling of 
 exultation and gladness pervading their beings. 
 
 A book was illy received, then another with no more 
 success. He was compelled to seek employment after 
 that, as an assistant in the office of a business magazine. 
 And as he became poorer, her interest in him had in- 
 creased. A year later there was such absolute need of 
 him that all consequences were disregarded. 
 
 How she had tried to interest him. She remembered 
 distinctly the way she had managed her hair, how she 
 had watched the blending of colors so that her com- 
 plexion would show to better advantage. 
 
 One day he stayed later than usual and her husband 
 met him, and liked him, which eased her considerably and
 
 Hagar Revelly 35 
 
 made her feel that now it was not at all wrong that he 
 should stop in for the cup of tea. 
 
 Their intimacy grew. She had so long suffered from 
 inattention and disregard that she had actually grown 
 to believe there was in her no longer any ability of being 
 attractive or attracting admiration. But he listened to 
 her words in a way that seemed to enhance every remark 
 that she uttered. Their clasped hands at parting each 
 time seemed to convey to each other the full meaning of 
 their deep regard. 
 
 Once she noticed that he was looking less pale, that 
 there was more color in his cheeks and glitter in his eyes. 
 Gradually she became aware that she excited him. How 
 pleased she had been when she noticed that. It was 
 something so new to feel she could do this, that she 
 went on trying, studying his moods and wishes. And 
 then she could not explain how it happened but 
 very gradually it seemed, she began to feel in herself the 
 strange quickening of her pulse and the joyous beating 
 of her heart that she had so delighted in seeing evidences 
 of in him. 
 
 Soon after came the day he told her he loved 
 her and was unable to help it. His words had indeed 
 been sweet. " I have held out too long," he said. 
 
 But she saw he recognized the situation, too, and 
 she had to witness the struggle going on within the man, 
 until at last it made her so unhappy she could only turn 
 her face away and beg him not to suffer so intensely. 
 
 When she realized that afternoon that his lips were 
 upon her forehead and cheek for the first time, she felt 
 like crying out in the joy and pain of it. Even wanting 
 to struggle against him, she knew it was beyond her 
 power to offer resistance. 
 
 Then had come in quick succession the realization of 
 her indiscretion, his efforts for weeks to stay away from
 
 36 Hagar Revelly 
 
 her, a begging note that she had sent late at night, tell- 
 ing that she must have him in her life. . . 
 
 The years had passed, and as Mrs. Revelly viewed now 
 the many days of happiness since then, she felt that the 
 intensity of their regard for each other was a noble 
 thing, and had only been nourished by passing time be- 
 cause of its righteousness.
 
 CHAPTER V 
 
 HAGAR had been visiting a girl friend for a few weeks, 
 and when John Nealy, on one of his visits, found her 
 back at the side of her mother, he was very much pleased. 
 
 After their first greeting, he kept his eyes on her, say- 
 ing : " Well, Hagar, it's been some time since I've seen 
 you ; how are you? " 
 
 Hagar shook his hand warmly. " Very well, Mr. 
 Nealy," she answered. Her eyes smiled and sparkled and 
 the slight color in her cheeks was made more prominent 
 by the very black hair which hung in straight bangs over 
 her forehead. 
 
 Nealy regarded appreciatively her pretty face and su- 
 perb little figure. " My, but you are getting to be a 
 young lady," he exclaimed, with his eyes alive. " I 
 wouldn't think that a few weeks could make such a dif- 
 ference." 
 
 " Why, Hagar is still a baby," intruded Mrs. Revelly, 
 who had been watching almost enviously. 
 
 He answered that Hagar would be a young woman be- 
 fore she knew it. As he talked, Mrs. Revelly noticed that 
 his eyes never ceased their admiring look into the girl's 
 face. 
 
 " You shouldn't say that, John," she commented ; " if 
 only because it makes me feel old." 
 
 It pained her somewhat to think that instead of giving 
 her his time, he should be wasting it on the bashful Hagar. 
 
 Nealy, becoming vaguely conscious of her injured feel- 
 ings, replied : " You will always be young to me, Rena.' 1 
 
 They decided to walk over to Riverside Drive, where 
 
 37
 
 38 Hagar Revelly 
 
 life was more splendid than between the rows of shabby 
 apartment houses. 
 
 " We will watch the aristocracy, and envy them," he 
 said whimsically, looking down, as he spoke, at his shabby 
 black suit. 
 
 They crossed over to Seventh Avenue and then waited 
 along One Hundred and Twenty-fifth Street until they 
 reached the driveway. 
 
 Here, running along the edge of the walk, was an un- 
 ending line of green benches, crowded with women and 
 children, while a few idle men were sprawling on the 
 nearby grass. In the distance Grant's Tomb, with its 
 dome, pointed into the still air, in silhouette against the 
 mingling dust and smoke that hung above the city. 
 
 Nealy walked silently along between the two women, 
 rather proud of his lovely companions. As they neared 
 a turn in the road, a young man sitting on a bench, fast 
 asleep, attracted their attention. He was shabbily 
 dressed and an ugly scar ran down from the corner of 
 his mouth to his throat, arraying the flesh into a series 
 of whitened ridges, like the ribs in a fan. 
 
 As they passed, Hagar looked at him and exclaimed: 
 " Oh, look, how awful ! " and became suddenly downcast. 
 
 After they had walked on, Mrs. Revelly noticed the 
 abrupt change in Hagar's mood and asked her what was 
 the trouble. 
 
 " That man, mother," Hagar answered. " Did you 
 see how awful he looked? Couldn't we give him some 
 money ? " 
 
 Amidst the mother's protestations, John Neafy took 
 out a small piece of change and handed it co Hagsr. 
 With the money held aloft the girl skipped off, crying 
 to them as she ran : " I'll be back in a minute." 
 
 While they stood waiting for her Mrs. Revelly said: 
 " I wonder sometimes if I understand Hagar. She will
 
 Hagar Revelly 39 
 
 stay quiet for hours dreaming and thinking. If she 
 reads a book she imagines herself the heroine of every 
 adventure. Yet when she gets out into the open air like 
 this, she is just as wild as a boy." 
 
 Hagar came rushing back to them. 
 
 '' You should have seen how happy and surprised he 
 was," she cried breathlessly. " He just looked at me and 
 was nearly too surprised to take the money." 
 
 Hagar's mood had indeed changed. The momentary 
 overcasting of her spirits had passed and she was again 
 buoyant and childish. At Nealy's suggestion, she told 
 as they walked on, about a book she had just finished 
 reading, and how it had affected her. 
 
 He made her describe in her girlish way the hero and 
 heroine of the story. 
 
 " Do you think you will ever have anything like that 
 happen to you, Hagar? " he asked when she had finished. 
 
 They were walking along quietly. 
 
 " I don't know," she answered. In her voice was an- 
 ticipation and eagerness. 
 
 As he questioned her, Nealy's attention was called to 
 something more than her pretty naive manner. At that 
 moment he discovered in the glow of her cheeks and in 
 her wondering speech an entirely new interest. 
 
 Reaching the end of the driveway they sat down, with 
 their faces to the Hudson. Up and down the river 
 moved the different craft, while in the distance, where 
 the water seemed to meet the sky, could be seen a thin 
 line of smoke coiling its way into the air. Then the 
 white outline of an Albany boat came into view, while 
 at the same moment they noticed across from them a 
 big electric sign that loomed up in vast letters, in an 
 incongruous comparison to the natural beauty of the 
 reddish cliffs that framed the water. 
 
 Nealy found a host of forgotten memories steal back
 
 40 Hagar Revelly 
 
 to him as he viewed the scenery; thoughts of his own 
 youth, his earlier ambitions and failures, all the different 
 plans, the petty desires that had grown bigger with the 
 man. Events which he thought he had quite forgotten 
 all came back now and spun their little web of remem- 
 brance, and taunted him as they had done in the other 
 years it seemed as if they had been let loose from some 
 sealed casket in his memory. 
 
 As he thought on, he wondered if it was chance or the 
 pretty youthfulness of Hagar that brought back to him 
 these forgotten things. He asked himself the question 
 quite frankly, because he remembered that he had been 
 always susceptible to a pretty face. 
 
 As they sat quietly viewing the scenery, Nealy felt 
 himself becoming really saddened. 
 
 " Let us walk back," he said. Then, with the thought 
 that the women might be too tired, he suggested they 
 take one of the passing omnibuses. 
 
 They reached the door of the flat while it was yet 
 sunny and hot. Mrs. Revelly asked him to come in, and 
 they were hardly seated in the little parlor, when she 
 surprised him by asking why his mood had changed so 
 perceptibly in the last few minutes. 
 
 " You are acting sad, John, and you ought to be 
 happy now," she told him. 
 
 " Why, Rena, I am happy," he answered. However, 
 he felt that her question was not groundless. Deep in 
 him, there was something disturbing and troubling, 
 though when Hagar came back into the room the feel- 
 ing seemed to pass off. 
 
 After that day Nealy came much more often to their 
 home, and Mrs. Revelly was made happy again. Some- 
 times he stopped in of a morning on his way to the of- 
 fice, and again he would very unceremoniously drop in for 
 a few minutes' chat at lunch time.
 
 Hagar Revelly 41 
 
 At first Rena Revelly was much pleased that, for some 
 reason, he should feel more the need of her. It gave her 
 a lot of pleasure and made the days pass quickly. But 
 one evening, just after he had left them, she stopped to 
 ask herself if there were not some new impulse that had 
 again aroused him. 
 
 She thought about the problem a good deal that night, 
 and gradually became assured that it was something 
 other than her caresses that was giving him this new and 
 increased pleasure. It even came into her mind that he 
 was taking more care of his clothes these days and of 
 his face, for now he never appeared unless he was cleanly 
 shaven. 
 
 About a week later they were seated in the unlighted 
 parlor, waiting for dinner. Hagar had gone to her 
 room to change her dress, and she and Nealy were rest- 
 ing in silence. In a few minutes Hagar came back to 
 have her mother fasten the back of her collar, which she 
 could not manage. The child had on a pale blue waist 
 of thin material and a tight fitting dark skirt which 
 showed all the gentle curves of her form. 
 
 Mrs. Revelly drew the girl to her and gave her lips 
 an affectionate kiss. " You're pretty as a picture to- 
 night," she exclaimed. Then she quite unconsciously hap- 
 pened to look across to the man and noticed the new 
 expression on his face and the new life in his eyes. That 
 casual glance, changed to real belief her previous fears 
 and anxiety, heightened the colors in the ratiocinative pic- 
 ture so gradually confronting her. 
 
 During the evening she tried hard not to betray her 
 new understanding. But, when once Nealy remarked on 
 Hagar's beauty, she exclaimed in tones nearly beyond 
 her control : " I am getting old, John. I believe you 
 are falling in love with my daughter." 
 
 " Don't be silly, Rena," he replied ; while she fought
 
 4 Hagar Revelly 
 
 valiantly not to show she had seen the almost guilty look 
 that had stolen across his face. 
 
 The next afternoon Hagar was out when he called and 
 he did not stay for dinner, making the excuse that he was 
 not well. 
 
 Mrs. Revelly was in truth grieved ; for planning on this 
 evening alone with him, she had with special care dressed 
 herself and ordered the meal. 
 
 Depressed and lonely, she went to the table almost hat- 
 ing her two boarders, though after a while, she found her- 
 self listening to their talk with a certain vague enjoy- 
 ment. 
 
 Herrick was really a very talkative and cheering per- 
 son. When he joined Mrs. Revelly, and Hagar, who had 
 by now come home, on the porch after dinner, he grew 
 even more encouraged and talked rampantly, explaining 
 that he would eventually become an artist, even though now 
 they compelled him to do clerical work, on account of the 
 dulness of the season. " But I'll make them come around 
 to my work before I am through," said he courageously, 
 as he found Hagar listening attentively to his words. 
 
 To the mind of the youthful Hagar, Herrick was an 
 ideal type of physical beauty, with his broad shoulders 
 and tall stature, and as they sat on the steps, facing each 
 other, she felt like letting him understand that she ad- 
 mired him. 
 
 There was always something, however, that kept her 
 from looking directly at him or indulging in any con- 
 versation. She could not explain this feeling, and only 
 once since he had come to their house had she been able to 
 answer directly his searching glances. 
 
 That night after her mother had gone inside, and they 
 were alone, Herrick surprised her by saying, as if the 
 idea had just come to him: "You people are not very 
 well off, are you ? "
 
 Hagar R&velly 43 
 
 Hagar was startled. 
 
 " I do not know what you mean." 
 
 " Oh, I mean that you haven't got much money, back- 
 ing, you know." 
 
 It was after some hesitation that Hagar replied, very 
 bravely : " No, I guess we haven't." 
 
 " Well, that's what I thought." He seemed to be driv- 
 ing at some point in his mind that could not well be 
 worded. 
 
 After a spell of silence in which Hagar wondered a 
 great deal about what he was thinking, he went on: 
 
 " I was just wondering what you thought about it. 
 It seems a pretty big thing to me, this being poor. And 
 I guess a girl is in a worse position because it is harder 
 for her to get out and look around." He hesitated. 
 " Of course, it is too hot to do anything now, but I sup- 
 pose you are going to do something in the fall, aren't 
 you? " 
 
 " Why, why I haven't thought of that," answered 
 Hagar. Then she looked into his face. " I don't know 
 what I'll do. Maybe I'll stay here and help mother, or 
 maybe go back to school." As an after thought she 
 added : " I hate school, though." 
 
 "Did you finish high school?" he asked. 
 
 " No, I was in the grammar still. I was sick all one 
 year," she went on, meaning to explain to him the cause 
 for her backwardness, " and when they wanted to put me 
 back a year on top of that, why, I just quit. I hated 
 to go to school and study all the time, anyway." 
 
 Herrick listened intently to her words and when she 
 had finished he told her again that the question of work 
 was a big proposition. 
 
 " Why, in my case, I went to work when I quit school. 
 I saw the way things were going around the house, and 
 I made up my mind to get right out for myself. Father
 
 44 Hagar Revelly 
 
 was a first-class job painter, and had his own business, 
 but he was sick all the time and mother worried so be- 
 cause no money was coming in. Then the house got 
 mortgaged and I took a job right off. I wanted to study 
 oil painting as I could draw pretty well, but of course 
 that was all knocked in the head. I had to get out and 
 hustle." 
 
 " Isn't that fine ? But of course it's different with 
 girls," remarked Hagar. 
 
 " Oh, I don't know," he went on. " Maybe I think dif- 
 ferent about those things. I look at the girls, society 
 girls, you know, who hang around sleeping all morning, 
 because they get in about three or four o'clock from some 
 dance, and then when they get up don't do anything but 
 fix their hair and clothes and read novels all afternoon, 
 waiting for their date that night with some new fellow. 
 I think of them and wonder if they ever realize that they 
 are no better than a lot of other women who hang around 
 men. You know what I mean? Well, the women that 
 make a living that way, dressing and fussing up for the 
 men. 
 
 " Oh, there isn't so much difference," he exclaimed, 
 mistaking her astonishment at his words for some smoth- 
 ered argument of defence. " There isn't so much dif- 
 ference, I can tell you. All the society girls do is to go 
 out and watch for a husband. That's what it amounts 
 to. And if some of them are really pretty and all the 
 men chase after them, then they feel pretty safe about 
 the husband proposition, and don't care if they are a lit- 
 tle sportier than the other girls. They think they can do 
 that, because they know it won't queer them like it would 
 the ugly girls. Why, one night, I was in a restaurant 
 with our boss, when a lot of them came in and sat pretty 
 near to us. And they weren't much older than you are
 
 Hagar Revelly 45 
 
 either." He looked at her. " By the way," he asked, 
 " how old are you, Miss Revelly? " 
 
 "I am about sixteen," she faltered, wishing that he 
 had not paused to question her. 
 
 " Gee, you look older than that. I guessed you were 
 about eighteen or nineteen, anyway." 
 
 After a moment's thought, he said partly to himself, 
 partly to the open street: 
 
 " I guess I oughtn't to have talked so strong to you." 
 
 " Oh, it's all right, Mr. Herrick," replied Hagar. 
 " Maybe it's something I ought to hear. You know I 
 haven't got any brothers to tell me." 
 
 " Well, where was I ? " he asked. 
 
 " You were saying something- about being in a restau- 
 rant with your boss " 
 
 " Oh, yes. Well, about half a dozen of them came in, 
 and they were mighty pretty I can tell you. Well, we 
 counted how much they were drinking and one little girl 
 I'll bet she didn't weigh ninety pounds drank her 
 own dry Martini and part of the fellow's that was next 
 to her, and four glasses of champagne, and she was used 
 to it too, because it didn't affect her at all." 
 
 " Oh, how awful ! " interrupted Hagar. 
 
 " Of course, they are not all like that," he continued. 
 " Some of them fall in love and that straightens them up. 
 It even makes good decent women out of some of them. 
 But tell me," he asked seriously, " what good do those 
 society girls like that do in the world? " 
 
 " Don't some of them work among the poor? " 
 
 Derisively he replied : " Oh, yes. They work among 
 the poor all right. Somebody wrote a novel once where 
 the good-looking hero worked among the poor. So most 
 of them go down to the slums with the idea in their heads 
 that they're going to meet a hero, too."
 
 He stopped his argument long enough to take a cig- 
 arette from a black gun-metal cigarette case. 
 
 When he had lit the cigarette, he said, even more seri- 
 ously : " But what I am driving at, is that a girl ought 
 to work like a man, whether she's got money or not. Of 
 course, if she has got money, then she can do the things 
 that train her mind, and don't bring in much money, like 
 writing, or painting or languages, and be of some serv- 
 ice afterwards by going in for teaching. She could do 
 a lot of good that way and cut down some of the taxes 
 that the poor people have to pay to help keep up the 
 schoolhouses and things. " Yes," he went on, " society 
 girls are public burdens, and it's the poor people that 
 pay for their dances and suppers." 
 
 " Then ought I go to work? " Hagar asked. 
 
 " Well, I guess you really ought to. It would give 
 you something to do and help out here at the same 
 time." 
 
 It was this conversation that gave Hagar an entirely 
 new view of her life. 
 
 Many times after that she would stop short to ask her- 
 self some question about this new project. She said 
 nothing to her mother about it, but as the days and weeks 
 passed she formed a firm resolve. 
 
 Then there came one day, a deeper reason for doing 
 so. This was a conversation she overheard between her 
 mother and Mr. Nealy. When brought down to its full- 
 est meaning, her future action now meant the preserva- 
 tion of happiness to the one person in the world whom she 
 loved. 
 
 It seemed that Mrs. Revelly had continued to notice 
 how the face of the man she loved brightened up at Hagar's 
 appearance, and that he became more cheerful and gayer 
 the moment the girl entered the room. Slowly she began 
 to understand with a woman's instinct that Hagar
 
 Hagar Revelly 41 
 
 brought to him those things which she knew were passing 
 in herself. 
 
 For a time she tried to rival the daughter's freshness, 
 her vivacity and innocence. One day when Hagar's arms 
 were around her neck, she noticed her own thin wrists in 
 comparison with the girl's. Thinking perhaps his waning 
 affection was simply a question of superficial beauty, she 
 resolved to get stouter, and began immediately to eat 
 eggs in quantity and drink rich milk. But in two or 
 three days this so impaired her digestion that she was 
 compelled to give it up. Then she tried resting and mas- 
 saging her body. Finding this quite unsatisfactory as 
 well as expensive, she undertook a new treatment that she 
 had come across in the beauty columns of the newspapers, 
 which consisted of rolling about on the floor; but this 
 only strained and tired her. 
 
 And so she gave up entirely, as a futile quest, this task 
 of inviting back her youth. 
 
 However, some harm had been done. A species of hys- 
 terical resignation and unrest was left in her, which made 
 her say and do things, that in the time before she had been 
 able to control. Fearing that she might lose the man 
 she loved, her thoughts dwelt incessantly upon some man- 
 ner of prevention. 
 
 She began to use childish expressions and be artifi- 
 cially joyful and vivacious. It pained Nealy to witness 
 this hysterical trait in her and one day, the day Hagar 
 was listening in the next room, he very solemnly begged 
 Mrs. Revelly to leave off her queer actions. 
 
 " It isn't you, Rena," he said. " And I hate to see 
 you act this way." He really felt the pathos of it, and 
 was dimly conscious of the reason. 
 
 Mrs. Revelly said in answer to his remark: 
 
 " You wouldn't mind it in Hagar, John." 
 
 He looked at her with some astonishment.
 
 48 Hagar Revelly 
 
 " Rena ! " he exclaimed. 
 
 Then she came over and kneeled on the floor beside him, 
 taking both his hands and pressing them to her lips for a 
 long kiss. 
 
 " John, you do not love me as much as you did," she 
 began. 
 
 " Rena, please " 
 
 She interrupted him : *' No, you do not love me the 
 way you did when we used to walk together under the 
 trees and be silent for hours. Remember how you used 
 to say that there was a lover's hush let loose in the air, 
 when we would be so quiet? Oh, no, dear, you don't. I 
 know, I feel and I see how it is when Hagar is around. 
 Why, John, your eyes light up, then you become droopy 
 and quiet. Oh, John, am I not right ? " 
 
 " Rena, you are a very foolish child to talk this way. 
 You know everything is as it always was. Now what is 
 the trouble?" 
 
 " No, you don't understand," she went on. " A woman 
 loves and she can never go backwards in her love. You 
 know the quotation : ' To him who has acquired a taste 
 for wine, water is insipid? ' Well, John, so is friendship 
 after love." 
 
 She seemed to break completely in an instant. In a 
 hushed, quavering voice, she said : " Oh, my God, John, 
 you don't know how I love you, and how it hurts me to see 
 you look at me with only sympathy and kindness in your 
 eye." 
 
 For a moment she paused. " To tell the truth, John," 
 and her voice was more steady now, " I really have to beg 
 you to stay, after Hagar leaves." 
 
 He seemed to be a little annoyed at this. " I wish you 
 wouldn't be so foolish," he said impulsively. 
 
 "Oh, I can't help it, I feel it I know it, John," she 
 cried, clutching at his folded hands. " You see my wrin-
 
 Hagar Revelly 49 
 
 kles now, while Hagar brings back youth to you. If 
 you don't love her now, it won't be long before you will, 
 just simply because she represents youth to you." 
 
 " I won't answer you if you talk like this." He spoke 
 impatiently and tried to loosen the hold of her fingers. 
 
 She went on, speaking in a low hoarse voice. And 
 the while she talked, she searched the depths of his 
 eyes. 
 
 " John, I know you are only living up to yourself. 
 You haven't loved me since the day you realized that I 
 was no longer young. Tell me, John, I know it's true, 
 no matter what you say, but I want to hear it from your 
 own lips. You don't care since you realized that I am 
 growing into an old woman, do you? Please, please, tell 
 me!" 
 
 Nealy's face grew red now and he became angry, say- 
 ing : " Rena, I tell you I won't talk to you on such a 
 subject." 
 
 He rose impatiently, but Mrs. Revelly caught at his 
 arm and threw herself down in a heap on the floor at his 
 feet, crying: 
 
 " Dear, you are all I have, and I feel you gradually 
 slipping away from me. Please understand. I see it in 
 the way you look at me. Yes, the way you hold me. Oh, 
 John, a woman can tell these things. I see how you get 
 color in your face and light in your eyes the moment Ha- 
 gar comes into the room. I guess it is my luck." 
 
 Nealy raised her head from where she had rested it 
 against his knees. He looked at the throbbing hot tem- 
 ples. Their palpitation seemed the more distressing be- 
 cause of the few covering strands of grey hair. And as 
 he looked at the pale face and felt the clutch of her fin- 
 gers, he became filled with a great pity and regret. 
 
 He took her face between his hands and lifted it to a 
 level with his eyes. Then he kissed her lips, again and
 
 50 Hagar Revelly 
 
 again, whispering, each time : " Rena, I do love you, I 
 love only you. Don't be so foolish." 
 
 And the while they were entering into a state of pacifi- 
 cation, Hagar in the next room, her head buried in 
 the pillows on the bed, was sobbing with deep tumultuous 
 spasms that shook her whole body. 
 
 Standing guiltily at the door she had listened to the 
 whole of the conversation. 
 
 " Oh, my poor mother ! " she cried into the pillows 
 "oh, my poor mother!"
 
 CHAPTER VI 
 
 THE boarding place that Thatah and her father found 
 the afternoon after the quarrel, was a three-story brick 
 building that in some former time had probably been a 
 small school or club. 
 
 This impression was to be gained from the lower floor 
 of the house, which was separated into three big rooms, 
 each of the same size and appearance. They were large 
 and spacious, and in the front room, which was the better 
 furnished, congregated the boarders after the evening 
 meal. Into this large room, with its majestic palm trees 
 outlined upon the dingy green wall paper, would come the 
 ladies and gentlemen of the house, with the usual ranting 
 and gossipy talk common to a second-class boarding place. 
 
 The other two rooms on the main floor were used as a 
 dining-room, and kitchen. 
 
 It was not Thatah's fault that such an uninviting dom- 
 icile held out its gaunt arms to them. One of Professor 
 Revelly's pupils had an aunt living here, a thin old lady, 
 who sympathized deeply with him and who, he felt, under- 
 stood him. Also in this vicinity lived most of his pupils. 
 
 Moreover, Revelly and Thatah, after a few hours of 
 house hunting, were glad to find any place that offered 
 them a decent home. Neither of them felt by nature 
 fitted to interview New York landladies and the experi- 
 ences they had, served only to prove to them their incom- 
 petence. 
 
 At one place on their hunt it was a brown granite 
 stone house on Fifty-fourth Street they had an es- 
 pecially disconcerting adventure. 
 
 51
 
 5 Hagar Revelly 
 
 A stout lady with tightly curled hair and aquiline nose, 
 which stood out inquiringly in front of her face, had an- 
 swered their call. The professor was quite disturbed from 
 the very first moment, when she asked him in very coarse 
 tones what his business was. When he noticed a large 
 dirty grease spot on the front of her apron, he wished 
 that they had passed on. But he resolved to make the 
 best of it and very politely answered her. 
 
 " Who's the lady with you ? " she inquired. 
 
 " My daughter, madam," he answered. 
 
 Turning her eyes to Thatah, she glanced keenly at her 
 for a moment. The delicate, quiet features and shrink- 
 ing appearance of the girl, and the man's dark, shiny, 
 long coat and careless linen gave her an entirely false 
 idea. 
 
 She asked if they were man and wife. 
 
 " She is my daughter, madam," he replied with dignity. 
 
 " Well," she answered, " I've just finished an experience 
 which has been recorded in all the newspapers and has 
 nearly ruined my place." 
 
 And she went on to say that a few days before, she had 
 harbored a man and a young girl whose appearance was 
 extraordinarily like that of Thatah and her father, but 
 presently the police had informed her, while on a search 
 through her rooms, that the man had some evil influence 
 over the young girl and had enticed her away from some 
 great home of luxury. One experience had been enough 
 for her. 
 
 " I don't believe I can take any more chances," she 
 said, looking Revelly full in the face. " You better go 
 to some other place." 
 
 The door was closed with an unkind jar. 
 
 Revelly, puzzled and hurt, but hardly angry, stood 
 still for a moment and then went down the steps with the 
 perplexed Thatah tugging at his side.
 
 Hagar Revelly 53 
 
 " What did the woman say ? " she asked. " I stood too 
 far back to hear." 
 
 " Nothing, don't ask me." 
 
 " But she said something, father ; something that hurt 
 you, too." 
 
 He quickened his pace so that she could hardly keep 
 up with him, and Thatah ceased her questioning and 
 mildly followed him. 
 
 It was after such an experience that they were glad to 
 find at last at Mrs. Neer's, a place where they were wel- 
 comed. 
 
 The first night at the new abode interested Thatah 
 greatly. There were a half dozen persons at the table, 
 besides Mrs. Neer and her granddaughter, a young girl 
 of twelve years, and it did not take Thatah very long 
 after she had sat down beside her father, to conclude that 
 these people were typical denizens of a boarding house. 
 
 There was an actress, Miss Darcy, who sang in the 
 chorus of a popular musical show, and who wore a sailor 
 suit and dressed very simply. 
 
 At night she came home soon after the performance 
 and read in her room, which was thought to be a wonder- 
 ful example of resistance against temptation. Thatah 
 discovered before long that everyone used Miss Darcy as 
 a model for the chorus ladies of the world. But she was 
 not beautiful and not young any more and she had a very 
 large nose. This might have been the reason for her 
 virtuous life. 
 
 Another woman, Mrs. Cortello, was indirectly of Span- 
 ish nobility. Her husband had died of broken spirit after 
 a New York business venture, and she was compelled to 
 sell transfer paintings for chinaware. 
 
 When Mrs. Neer told the history of this woman to 
 them, Thatah unconsciously exclaimed : " Is that all she 
 works .'
 
 54 Hagar Revelly 
 
 That first evening, a young man at Thatah's side at 
 table informed her that Madame Cortello was also a poet- 
 ess. He showed her, handed along with the bread plate, 
 four lines of poetry the woman had written for some 
 magazine. The youth told her that these lines meant to 
 him his life, as they expressed the exact feeling in which 
 he held the girl he was courting and would some day 
 marry. 
 
 The fellow was a clerk in a patent medicine house that 
 dealt exclusively in mail orders, and, as he explained, he 
 had come to New York full of sentiment and ambition 
 and was determined to lose neither of these two qualities. 
 Mrs. Cortello, he said, was a great inspiration to him. 
 But Thatah was not moved by his enthusiasm and even 
 from that first evening, the smile and manner of Mrs. 
 Cortello roused her intense antagonism. 
 
 After dinner the father and daughter lingered as long 
 as they thought necessary to show regard for the others. 
 Then they stole quietly up to their two little rooms at 
 the top of the house. 
 
 The larger of them a bedroom and sitting room 
 in one was decorated modestly and with a certain com- 
 fort. Thatah's room which adjoined, was much smaller; 
 there was a long diagonal crack in the ceiling paper and 
 a dirty threadbare rug on the floor at the side of her 
 bed, but somehow to her girlish eyes, the large window 
 set with geranium plants made up for all these blemishes. 
 
 " We'll make my room the sitting room, Thatah," said 
 her father, as he walked over and opened a window. 
 
 She did not answer, but to the professor's great sur- 
 prise, threw herself lengthwise across the bed, and begai? 
 to cry. 
 
 " Don't, child," he said kindly, and ,/ithout question, 
 for he understood something of the reason for her un- 
 happiness,
 
 Hagar Revelly 55 
 
 \ 
 
 But she let loose all her inner feelings, crying out: 
 " Oh, God, I can't stand it here." 
 
 " You mustn't be like this, Thatah," said he, with 
 some evidence of control in his own voice. " What is the 
 matter?" 
 
 Rather hysterically, she went on, " Oh, father, just 
 think what we have come to." 
 
 " At any rate, we are together, dear," Revelly said, 
 to soothe her. 
 
 Thatah tried to check her tears a little, blaming herself 
 that by her lack of self control she had increased his un- 
 happiness. But only after some time was she entirely 
 quiet again. 
 
 " You mustn't give way to yourself like this, child. I 
 know it's pretty colorless here, but it will be all right. 
 You must wait and see." He petted her soft, white hand. 
 " It will be better to-morrow. The first night, you know. 
 We must expect to feel strange at first." 
 
 " But these terrible people, father ! How will we hold 
 out? " 
 
 " Wait till you know them. They surely have their 
 good traits, too. Yes, we must be patient, Thatah." 
 
 From a room across the alley way came sounds of a 
 coarse, popular melody, reluctantly driven from a clang- 
 ing piano. It floated in to them on the thick, summer 
 air, and Thatah, somewhat quieted now, walked over and 
 lifted the shade. 
 
 Directly across the passageway in the house which 
 backed up against them, she could see a stupid looking fel- 
 low pounding vigorously upon the keyboard, while back of 
 him, were two others, with their hands on his shoulders. 
 All were bellowing with huge strength, when the one 
 standing nearest the window noticed her, and called the 
 attention of the others. Then all stopped their music 
 and came over to greet her.
 
 56 Hagar Revelly 
 
 With an angry jerk, Thatah pulled down the shade and 
 ran from the window. 
 
 The incident dispirited her again for a time, and it was 
 not until late in the evening, when her father gathered 
 together the score of a new symphony which the orchestra 
 was to rehearse in the morning, that her mood was light- 
 ened. Then she rose from the bed and seated herself near 
 him, watching him as he gathered the sheets together, 
 content as he always was when handling manuscript 
 of important scores. 
 
 " This is like old times, after all, Thatah. At last 
 there is peace," he said slowly. 
 
 " Yes," she answered, but as she looked into his face 
 she was shocked. It might have been the reflection of the 
 light, but there seemed a new hollowness about his eyes 
 and a gaunt, empty expression round his mouth. 
 
 " Oh, I do hope you will be happy here, father," she 
 cried, impulsively putting her arms around his neck. 
 
 Later as she lay in her quiet little room, staring with 
 wide-open eyes out of the window, her earlier mood of dis- 
 couragement returned. She thought of what her life 
 was giving her just now, of how the plans she had 
 made for herself, the desires and wishes and little builded 
 dreams, were fading into a sordid present. 
 
 She marvelled at the ability she showed to go on un- 
 ceasingly in the same routine, doing over the same mo- 
 notonous things and never letting anyone discover the 
 real yearning for happiness that lay within her. 
 
 On the following morning, the arrangement for separa- 
 tion was drawn up between her parents. 
 
 Thatah never forgot her father's appearance on that 
 day. When they informed him that he must give part 
 of his earnings to his wife, he was stricken speechless with 
 astonishment. The lines of surprise that came to his face, 
 when he realized that he must still work for this woman,
 
 Hagar Revelly 57 
 
 remained indelibly in Thatah's memory for many 
 months. 
 
 That was a hard day for both of them. Professor 
 Revelly was so humbled by the hand of the law that his 
 submission was pathetic. 
 
 As they passed out between the chairs in the lawyer's 
 office, he whispered to Thatah : " She's rid of us, she's 
 rid of us." 
 
 Thatah answered : " Yes, we're lucky, father." 
 
 But though she spoke laughingly, she prayed that 
 something might come to her father that would make him 
 strong like other men. He was, at that moment, so de- 
 jected and rusty looking. He reminded her of something 
 broken, neglected and worn out. 
 
 That day she saw plainly the path that lay in front 
 of her. There seemed no way of avoiding her fate. Her 
 father was lonely and isolated and it was her duty to 
 stay by him all his life. That was how it would go on, 
 she told herself. 
 
 In the days that followed, Eman Revelly was overtaken 
 by queer spells of brooding and meditation. It did not 
 take long for the boarders and Mrs. Neer to understand 
 that he was an eccentric, whom it was best to leave un- 
 molested. He said so many things that came strange to 
 their mediocre understanding. 
 
 Far better would it have been, had he understood their 
 low caste of intelligence and left his philosophies to smoul- 
 der within him, unworded. He could not do this, how- 
 ever, and in a few weeks, by one way or another, he had 
 made himself to the minds of each of them, a strange and 
 unbalanced man. Such an one they had never met. 
 
 Meantime, came a new problem the question of fi- 
 nances. The court had decided that until a divorce was 
 granted seventy-five dollars a month was to be given the 
 wife. The orchestra brought in only one hundred and
 
 58 Hagar Revelly 
 
 twenty-five dollars, and his pupils about twenty-five more, 
 so only seventy-five was left for them. Out of this must 
 come all their expenses, and after paying Mrs. Neer 
 fifty-two dollars for the two rooms and their board, 
 the balance, they found, was not enough to pay for their 
 laundry, clothes and carfare. To add to their difficulties, 
 one of his pupils was able to pay only every six months, 
 because the aunt who was educating her, received her dead 
 husband's pension in that way from the Indian service. 
 
 It seemed essential that they find some road out, and, 
 after a period of indecision, the Professor realized 
 the only thing was to find employment for Thatah. 
 Before he spoke to her, however, he questioned himself 
 incessantly. It really seemed to him a right course, even 
 from Thatah's individual point of view, for there was 
 nothing else she could do, and she certainly could not 
 spend her days indefinitely sitting alone in her room. Yet 
 he hated to suggest that she should go out and work for 
 money to him she seemed still a little girl. 
 
 He put off speaking to her from day to day, always 
 waiting for an opportune moment, a moment when she was 
 not too sad nor too gay. 
 
 Finally one night he summoned up enough courage to 
 open the subject. In soft, nearly broken tones, he told 
 her that she had probably realized it was not good for 
 her to be so much alone. He had been watching her 
 lately, he said, and had noticed that it was having an 
 effect upon her. Also he wanted her to dress better and 
 go out more. And an easy way of solving the problem 
 was for her to occupy her mind with some kind of work. 
 Moreover, it would bring in a few dollars and make them 
 happier. Then, he told her, he had been fortunate in 
 securing for her a position in the bureau of the opera 
 house. It wouldn't be hard work and she required no 
 other training than her intelligence.
 
 Hagar Revelly 59 
 
 She took it very quietly, and seemed scarcely to notice 
 what he had said, only asking when her work would start. 
 
 While this attitude of hers relieved the old man, it dis- 
 tressed him, too; with so much to fight and endure, it 
 seemed hard that Thatah should be indifferent and apa- 
 thetic. 
 
 This was indeed a trying time for the unhappy, broken 
 musician. Things were not going too well for him, even 
 at the orchestra, and he found himself constantly pictur- 
 ing the darkest outcome for the future. He became very 
 nervous and was unable to give his mind any rest. Night 
 after night he was attacked in the same manner, his 
 thoughts making his brain revolve and labor like some 
 mechanical thing. 
 
 Being unable to sleep one early morning, he sat drow- 
 sily in his chair, looking past the stone ledge of the win- 
 dow down into the street. Sitting there, he saw a huge 
 automobile, like some big black bug, crawl around the 
 corner. It served to throw him into a chain of reveries 
 about his own lack of enjoyment of the world's gifts, 
 made him think of the insuperable chasm that separated 
 him from this sort of life. For hours, he sat there, mut- 
 tering to himself. 
 
 Such spells as these became very frequent with him. 
 Every inanimate thing seemed to bring some significant 
 question to his mind. 
 
 He thought a great deal about his wife at these times 
 and how easily she appeared to find happiness. 
 
 One day he mentioned this to Thatah. And she an- 
 swered: "Well, father, isn't it best to take life easy? 
 If everybody was as serious as you, no one would be 
 happy." 
 
 " But they are wrong," he argued. " One must work 
 for real happiness." 
 
 " Their happiness has the same value to them, hasn't
 
 60 'Hagar Revelly 
 
 it ? " she asked. " It seems to me happiness could only 
 be the one thing." 
 
 He appeared discouraged by her light-hearted view of 
 his mood, and told her that she must take such questions 
 more seriously. " Happiness only takes its value from 
 the things by which you measure it. We have to labor 
 and have sorrow to gain the real thing." 
 
 Thatah noticed how his earnestness was affecting 
 him. " Please, father, let's talk of different things," she 
 begged. 
 
 But he went on. " No, Thatah, it is good for you to 
 know. I want you to learn the real value in life." He 
 continued to say that one yearns for the unattainable 
 during the first half of his years and mourns for it there- 
 after. " The old ambitions become less acute," he said ; 
 " the new ones less frequent. It is only the need of com- 
 panionship that becomes exaggerated as time passes.** 
 
 As he talked, Thatah became more interested, for he 
 delved back into his own life, telling how a little fellow of 
 twelve, with his violin and piano, grew into the lad of 
 twenty. 
 
 " I, too, have had my measures for valuation. In those 
 days everyone told me how great a musician I was. I be- 
 came encouraged, and left the violin, to which I had de- 
 voted myself, and went back to the piano, feeling that I 
 must perfect myself on that, too." 
 
 He described to Thatah how he had played at the 
 Vienna Orchestral Hall a passionate, throbbing Brahms 
 Capriccio. It was his first public appearance. 
 
 " I was only twenty-two, then," he continued, " and the 
 happiness of that day brings back to me youth, whenever 
 I think of it. And when I played a little Chopin Etude 
 for an encore, how they all clapped and applauded ! " 
 
 He dropped back in his chair. " Now, look at me ! " 
 he cried. And for a little he was silent.
 
 Hagar Revelly 61 
 
 Suddenly he got up, went to his trunk and lifted from 
 one of its trays a huge bundle of manuscript. 
 
 " Thatah," he began, " I want to tell you a story. 
 Something I have never told anyone." He gently untied 
 the bundle of papers. " Here is a symphony, * Gwenola 
 Days ' you see I call it. It's a monument to my youth 
 in Vienna." 
 
 Handling it daintily, as if it were a piece of fragile 
 lace, he took the different sheets, one by one, and studied 
 them, bowing his head over them and saying : " Each 
 little note was a hope, my dear girl." 
 
 For a time he was silent, then continued, softly, " It's 
 like a fairy tale, too. Only, the giant ogre in the final 
 chapter gets swallowed by the dwarf." 
 
 As he talked, he became more calm and at last settled 
 in to tell the story. 
 
 " I was only twenty at the time, and my parents kept 
 me very close to the piano and violin. In the morning I 
 was up at six, then a little breakfast and practice until 
 midday. In the afternoon, a lesson from Herr Mancker, 
 my master, and then a walk in the park with my uncle, 
 who lived with us. That was the way my days passed. 
 
 " You see, they were preparing me for a great career 
 as a virtuoso. Ah, those days ! It seemed preordained 
 that I was to become great, too. So they said, at any 
 rate, and I was the clay model in their hands, to do with 
 as they wished. 
 
 " We would walk and talk of my tour to America, we 
 sometimes even counted the money I would make. Then 
 sometimes I would be on my dignity with my parents. 
 * No,' I would assert, * I shall not stay in America. I 
 will come back to Europe and build a fine big stone villa, 
 all white and splendid. It will set out into the water 
 some place, like Chillon, and there I will work in the sum- 
 mers and live with my princess.'
 
 62 Hagar Revelly 
 
 " Yes, I had a princess, Thatah ; my uncle named her 
 princess the first time we saw her. Every day, we met 
 them, she, and a woman of about thirty-five, They 
 seemed to have selected the same hour in the park, for we 
 always met them and in usually the same place. She 
 was pretty, Thatah, a good deal like you. She had soft, 
 white skin, and light hair, and the daintiest, sad little 
 mouth. We would see each other coming in the distance 
 and I felt that she saw me, too, although when we passed, 
 lier eyes were always searching the ground. 
 
 " That went on for weeks. It was bashfulness on my 
 part, or else fear that my uncle would discover the queer 
 little thrills which surged through me at sight of her, 
 that kept me from being more brazen. 
 
 " One day we came upon them at a turn of the path 
 and for the first time our glances met. She looked at 
 me. I blushed hotly. I was conscious of a throbbing 
 joy that was very new to me. And like a coward I looked 
 away." 
 
 The musician paused to tell Thatah that there was 
 something in him that always made him hesitate at im- 
 portant moments. 
 
 " I believe I should run away if they told me my sym- 
 phony was to be played," he said. " There is something 
 in me that makes me fear to hear good news. Perhaps 
 it is the unbelief I have in my good fortune 
 Well, I looked up again, just to catch her eyes as she too 
 looked up. I saw that I was not mistaken in thinking 
 that she had recognized me. Her face grew red and 
 white at that instant. I was sure of it. 
 
 " ' Uncle,' I cried, when they had passed us. * Who 
 is she, that girl, who is she? ' 
 
 " * Sie ist hiibsch, unsere prinzessin, nicht wahr ? ' he 
 answered. 
 
 " * Gott ! ' I cried, ' sie ist wunderbahr.' And I turned
 
 Hagar Revelly 63 
 
 in the road and studied the place where our eyes had met. 
 It was strange, strange, Thatah. 
 
 " ' Oh, why didn't I say something ! ' I cried. * I could 
 have dared. Why didn't I say " Good morning, Frau- 
 lein," anything. Oh, why didn't I say it,' I begged in 
 agony of my uncle. 
 
 " At least I had not. It is that way in life. The 
 thing that is most worth having to you, the thing for 
 which you have yearned, comes to you so suddenly, that 
 you dare not grasp it. 
 
 " For three weeks I had dreamed of her, had talked 
 to her in my fancies. And now when I met her, my cour- 
 age had forsaken me. 
 
 " After that she came no more to the park. The 
 companion had probably noticed, or she had gone away, 
 or I had hurt her. Oh, I had a hundred reasons for her 
 staying away. 
 
 " Then, one afternoon, it was a year afterwards, I 
 played with the symphony orchestra at one of their usual 
 popular concerts. I played a sad, melancholy Chopin 
 Polonaise Fantasie. 
 
 " To one the piece was filled with thoughts of suffering 
 and gloom and that day I felt it indeed as I played. For 
 my father had been taken ill the Friday night before, 
 and at the same time my master had told me that I must 
 give up my violin if I wished to do solo work, as it was 
 ruining my fingers. I remember as I sat down at the 
 piano that I encountered my master's eye. He had 
 probably noticed my feelings and he gave me a little nod 
 of encouragement. But he had been mean enough to me 
 before I went on to the stage. ' Play with feeling, for 
 God's sake,' he had begged of me. ' You are a music 
 box, a cinematograph. 
 
 " I was at the piano. I was nervous. It was the 
 biggest thing I had yet attempted and the cruel words
 
 64 Hagar Revelly 
 
 of my master tormented me. When I was about to begin, 
 all alone on that great big platform with the musicians 
 of the orchestra sitting quietly back of me, I felt like 
 a sickly stripling. 
 
 " I thought of Goethe's ' Nur wer die Sehnsucht kennt.' 
 Strangely it gave me some strength. My hands went 
 down to the keys for the opening cadenza. . . . 
 
 " They told me afterwards that I played well. My 
 professor took me by the shoulders, and shook me. ' Du,' 
 he cried, * you youngster, you will play yet some day.* 
 Ah, those were very sweet words, Thatah. 
 
 " They were still clapping their hands out in front, 
 I heard a few bravos; and I walked back onto the stage, 
 bowed gravely, mechanically, three times, as they told 
 me I must do. I followed their instructions. And then, 
 right down there in front of me, in the first rows, a spot 
 of blue caught my eyes. It seemed to stand out, my 
 eyes were caught and held by it. I can't explain how 
 my youthful heart beat. It was my princess again. 
 
 " I waited till the concert was over, and then hurried 
 around to the front of the house. ' This time I won't 
 lose her,' I said to myself. No, not if there were a dozen 
 companions with her. 
 
 " She came out nearly among the last. By her side 
 was the same woman. I walked directly up to them. 
 * Did you enjoy the fantasie?' I asked. 
 
 " * Oh,' she said, as she gave a little start. And then 
 what made me fall more deeply in love than ever was that 
 she made no excuses for talking to me. 
 
 *' ' I enjoyed it so much,' she said, seriously. Then, 
 turning to the woman by her side, * Herr Revelly, this is 
 Mme. Klochert. My name is Gwenola Sabruya,' she 
 added sweetly. 
 
 " When she mentioned my name I felt as if I were lifted 
 to another world by her lips, Thatah.
 
 Hagar Revelly 65 
 
 " I met her in the park the next morning at the usual 
 time. Mme. Klochert was a kind woman and let us have 
 many sweet moments alone. It went on for nearly a 
 month. Every day I would meet her, we would talk and 
 be silent together, and every day my heart was filled with 
 ecstatic happiness. In the middle of the night, I would 
 sit up questioning myself, for its reality. 
 
 " Then there came the beginning of sadness. My 
 tower of dreams was dashed to the ground. A little note 
 from Mme. Klochert told me that they could not see me 
 again. She was very sorry, she said, but that day they 
 would depart for a little holiday in Aix-les-Bains, and 
 then they would go back to Rome. But I could not see 
 them in Rome, because there ' Mademoiselle was under 
 other obligations.' They would always pray for my fu- 
 ture. 
 
 " I found out the truth. She was the daughter of a 
 lady of the court, while I was a musician, albeit my music 
 was ' wonderful.' This rang to the last chime my unhap- 
 piness. 
 
 " A week later, my father died under the illness that 
 had kept him in bed for a month. I had to take pupils. 
 There were four of us, two sisters and my brother, and I 
 had to work to earn money. It was different now. No 
 more applause, no dreams, no more Chopin ; for I had to 
 give up the piano now but I could not play Chopin 
 after she left me, anyway. 
 
 " That was the end, Thatah, and my romantic mind 
 suffered terribly. I likened myself to Byron, to Heine, to 
 Chopin himself I suffered with despair. My flower had 
 died before . had smelled of its fragrance. 
 
 " That night I stole out to the edge of the town and 
 there, lying flat on my back, on the soft grass, watched 
 the red of the sun fade into the horizon and blend with 
 the grey and blue of the evening sky. Every star that
 
 66 Hagar Revelly 
 
 twinkled brought to me a message of lost success and 
 happiness. 
 
 " Oh, Thatah," he continued, " you think it makes no 
 difference when you have these youthful dreams? But 
 it makes a great difference. Love remains unchanged 
 through life, everything else changes but that. Only in 
 youth, we are brave, strong, and we dash ourselves against 
 the stone walls, not minding at that time if we bruise or 
 wound ourselves. It is fine, though," his eyes brightened 
 with the thought. " We are innocent, our senses are 
 dulled, our intelligence is numbed, and we are entranced 
 as if by some wonderful reality. . . . 
 
 " Well, I came to America," he went on. " I had nearly 
 completed the * Gwenola Symphony ' by this time and a 
 contract that I had made with an orchestral society here 
 in New York made it fairly easy for me to come over. 
 
 " After a year I met a young American girl, your 
 mother, and married her. She was not of German par- 
 entage, nor was she musical, but we were very happy to- 
 gether for a time. Her name was Rena Gibson, and I 
 thought that in her I had found the fulfilment of the 
 other, the girl in Rome. -But it was not to be, Thatah," 
 he turned his eyes to the floor " for you, better than 
 anyone else, know what our marriage has been."
 
 CHAPTER VII 
 
 IT was only a day or two later that Thatah went to her 
 father's bookcase and in a book came across a line that 
 seemed to have been written for her. It was the first 
 time she had ever dared to delve into the Professor's li- 
 brary. He had often warned her that his books were too 
 deep and unhappy for her. " Read some of the American 
 writers, for a year or two yet," he would say. 
 
 " But I thought you wanted me to learn real values,'* 
 she would argue. 
 
 " Yes, but I don't want you to plunge too deeply into 
 the truth at the beginning." 
 
 And he would bring home to her a novel that told per- 
 chance of a silly love-affair between a man and woman, 
 where to win the maiden, the hero disguised himself as a 
 plumber and stole her off in his wagon, along with the 
 tools and lead pots. 
 
 She saw that she could not dare to let him know what 
 really lay buried within her, that she could not let him un- 
 derstand that she too had her thoughts. It would make 
 him wonder and become unhappier, she told herself, if 
 he knew how she suffered, and how she hated life. 
 
 Neither could she tell him that the thing that kept 
 her so resigned and calm was not that she lacked under- 
 standing but that she had solved the problem of living. 
 She laughed at her own audacity as she thought of it. 
 
 Her philosophy was this: There was only one thing 
 in life to have, and that was the thing one wanted most. 
 
 Days, weeks, years, made no difference, for so soon as 
 
 67
 
 68 Hagar Revelly 
 
 one understood what it was one wanted, one need only 
 fight to get it. And there was nothing to have after that 
 but the enjoyment of it. So what difference was there 
 if one was twenty or fifty years old? 
 
 It was this philosophy that had made her forget about 
 time and only wait for the great thing to happen. She 
 wasn't really sure what the great thing was. Sometimes, 
 in the dead of the night, she decided it was the love of 
 some good man. Again she thought it would be to be- 
 come a great writer, or a musician, or a worker among 
 the poor. It would probably be the last, she thought, 
 because she was not prepared for the others. 
 
 In this state of mind she had gone to the little bookcase, 
 not looking for anything other than diversion, and when 
 she saw such long queer names: Nietzsche, Strindberg, 
 Ibsen, Stirner, Hauptman, Tolstoy, she quite decided to 
 leave them secure in their resting places. She was so 
 attracted, however, by one weird title, that she took down 
 the little book. The title suited her exactly. It was 
 something light, she fancied, and she was so sad. " Gay 
 Science " by Nietzsche. 
 
 But the very first lines she glanced over seemed to 
 strike her a queer blow in the heart that made her throb 
 and flutter. Then she went further and read something 
 which though it mocked her, sickened her even, seemed 
 to make her every previous thought clear and definable. 
 The lines seemed to tell the real truth. The words stood 
 out in front of her eyes: 
 
 " This life, as thou livest it now, and hast lived it, Thou 
 shalt have to live over again, and not once but innumerable 
 times; and there will be nothing new in it, but every pain and 
 every pleasure, and every thought and sigh, and everything in 
 life, the great and the unspeakably petty alike, must come again 
 to thee, and all in the same series and succession . . ."
 
 Hagar Revelly 69 
 
 Thatah put the book down, for her eyes had filled with 
 tears. After all, the little philosophy she had constructed 
 had only been built to fool herself. Of course, every- 
 thing was empty, her own life, her father's, her mother's, 
 Mrs. Neer's. What did they live for? What this great 
 man said was the truth about life. 
 
 Thatah took the little book in her arms and carried it 
 to her room, as if it were precious and might drop and 
 be broken. Locking the door after her, she sat on the 
 bed, with her legs crossed under her, and read, devouring 
 with beating pulse all the burning irony of her discovery. 
 
 The finding of this book opened a new life for her. 
 She was always happier now and felt a pity for those 
 poor people about her who were sp ignorant. She be- 
 came kind to them and put herself out in little ways to 
 please them. 
 
 And then began for her a period of self -questioning, of 
 searching for something that was realler than what she 
 knew. It was like taking her inside-self, the self she had 
 kept from her mother and father, and putting it into some 
 deep box, and then looking down at it. In her ears had 
 been poured words that told her that she was odd and 
 different her father had called her his " vildes kind." 
 Now she had found the explanation. 
 
 Thatah was happy those days. In the evening she 
 talked to her father of his music, his work for to-morrow, 
 anything to be able to get back to her room and live 
 in her books again. 
 
 In one book she found a mention of the friendship be- 
 tween Turgenief and Flaubert; odd stirring names for 
 her. She went to the public library and when the girl 
 back of the desk handed to her " Mme. Bovary," the name 
 written on her slip, Thatah noticed that she stopped to 
 eye her. At least Thatah felt conscious the girl was do-
 
 70 Hagar Revelly 
 
 ing this, and she slipped out of the place as though guilty 
 of some wrong act. 
 
 But she cared very little. " What do they under- 
 stand? " she reassured herself. 
 
 It was raining and the streets were slippery and as 
 she stepped from the street car to the pavement, the book 
 accidentally fell from her grasp onto the muddy street. 
 When she stopped to pick it up and wiped the mud from 
 the open pages, a line caught her eye : " Emma grew 
 thinner, her cheeks paler, her face longer " 
 
 She hurriedly reached home and read on and on, with 
 the door locked. Soon she was as deeply interested in this 
 new work as she had been in the other and it was not long 
 before she was familiar with the wonderful picture created 
 of a woman where love was gnawing and eating at her 
 soul. 
 
 Once she stopped numbly in the middle of a passage, 
 crying : " Oh, how wonderful ! " She saw a parallelism 
 between Emma Bovary and herself. Hadn't she gone to 
 bed night after night, aching, hungry, yearning? And 
 hadn't she known what it was to keep others from under- 
 standing for fear of abuse? 
 
 Thatah read the book through in two days. Her heart 
 pained, her eyes burned for the poor woman. 
 
 This reading had a very evident effect on Thatah, and 
 the professor that evening questioned her. But she only 
 explained that she felt dispirited for no reason that mat- 
 tered. 
 
 He startled her, by saying : " Oh, my little girl, life 
 is sad, and sweet and bitter, all at once. You don't 
 know. It hurts my heart that you should work, but 
 what can we do? I love you, I love your dark eyes, and 
 your little thin wrists, and your little mouth that 
 quivers and trembles so when you talk. It makes me 
 think of a baby just opening its eyes for the first time
 
 Hagar Revelly 71 
 
 and finding there is too much light. Yes, I hate it, Tha- 
 tah, but we've got to be practical. We are in a land 
 where we sweat for the music and the dreams we make 
 for other people. And they think they have paid us be- 
 cause they have given some of their money. Ah, little 
 dear, they call it art. They say : ' Here is two dollars 
 for you. Give me a chunk of your life.' Yes, that is 
 what they do," he went on, shaking his head. 
 
 Thatah smoothed back a few grey-turning hairs. 
 " Don't, dear," she interrupted, made unhappy by hear- 
 ing his serious talk. She was near to telling him of the 
 book she'd found and its soothing recognition of all the 
 horrid things he talked about. Then she hesitated in her 
 caresses, and he, noticing, asked her what she had in- 
 tended to say. 
 
 " Oh, that it doesn't do any good to be so serious," 
 she spoke with emphasis ; but the words rang so untruth- 
 ful in her ears that she felt compelled to leave him and 
 busy herself with the portfolio he had placed on the 
 table. 
 
 Revelly studied her for a long time. 
 
 " Thank God you don't know, my dear," he said, re- 
 garding her as she stood with her back to him. His head 
 shook rhythmically with each word. 
 
 It was many minutes after, when Thatah thought she 
 could no longer bear the odd staring way he gazed at her, 
 that he turned around to the piano and with a deep sigh, 
 gradually stroked and caressed the keys until they broke 
 for him into sweet, soft chords, and dainty little arpeggios 
 that ran mysteriously up and down the keys. 
 
 Then Thatah joined him, sitting quietly by his side, 
 gazing into his dark grey eyes, and feeling that his period 
 of scrutiny had passed. 
 
 For a time he played at random and then as he kept 
 on, fell into a climax of strong octaves and deepened bass
 
 72 Hagar Revelly 
 
 that shook the room. It was as if here were some voice 
 imprisoned, working and working, in its tempestuous way, 
 at the bars that imprisoned it. 
 
 And as she leaned over his shoulders and listened to the 
 fiery melody, a strange picture was brought to Tha- 
 tah's mind: That his heart was the music box of his be- 
 ing and that harmony in the shape of a key, was the only 
 thing that would unlock it. And she saw that the key 
 was worn and rusty, while the doors remained fast. 
 
 The idea was so queer, she was on the point of inter- 
 rupting him and telling of it, when he startled her by 
 saying, as if he had been reading her thoughts: 
 
 " You know, Thatah, what is the trouble between us, 
 your mother and me? Well, we are all like delicate in- 
 struments, violins or harps, and everyone, anyone, can 
 play on us. And those that love us and understand the 
 kind of music we can give, play real melodies on us, tunes 
 that bring out all the sweet harmony, all the real human 
 feeling that is in us. Or else, they bring out discords, 
 dead, sobbing tones, which is not the kind of music we 
 are fitted to give to them." He added sadly, " Yes, we 
 are funny little violins, Thatah, all of us, and some peo- 
 ple make us give them such bad, pitiful music." 
 
 His voice was a little broken as he turned away from 
 her. " Heine knew this. And he, too, suffered the same 
 way." 
 
 He was back at the keys, when he added : " You must 
 know Heine some day, Thatah, when you are older." 
 
 Then he lost himself again in a wild melody, yet a 
 melody so tender and noble and caressing, so full of yearn- 
 ing, so like a sighing, or a half -muttered appeal, that it 
 seemed to Thatah that here was revealed the hidden man 
 she knew was her father. She felt she had never known 
 him so thoroughly before. They called him eccentric, 
 weak, crazy, " with no business head," but as she studied
 
 Hagar Revelly 73 
 
 the bent figure, it seemed that now, for the first time, she 
 was meeting the real father. 
 
 Revelly must have been conscious of her speculative re- 
 gard, for he suddenly wheeled around on the little stool 
 and with a voice that was stirring and passionate, said: 
 " Thatah, you hear this music ? You you bring it 
 out of me, my little girl."
 
 CHAPTER VIII 
 
 WHEN Thatah and her father went to the office of the 
 Metropolitan Opera House, where she was to receive the 
 position the professor had arranged for her, they were 
 ushered into a large room whose high walls were covered 
 with pictures of the various performers at the opera. 
 The familiar thick face of the great tenor, in costume 
 for Rudolpho, the petite, dainty figure of Cho-Cho-San, 
 and all the rest, made Thatah feel as if she were shifted 
 into another world. 
 
 " Mr. Graveur will come in any minute," remarked her 
 father, after they were seated. " Don't seem so bored. 
 You will like the work. It is good here." 
 
 The door opened and a tall man whose age was in the 
 forties, came in and greeted them. He was deferential 
 and kind. 
 
 " My daughter, Mr. Graveur. Thatah, Mr. Graveur." 
 
 They shook hands and all sat down close to a heavy 
 mahogany table, on which were piled innumerable books 
 and papers. 
 
 " Your father is an old friend, Miss Revelly, and I 
 hope we'll find something to keep you interested," began 
 Mr. Graveur, smiling. 
 
 Thatah thought this a very nice way for him to say 
 her job was ready. 
 
 They talked on about different things for a few min- 
 utes the orchestra, the new director, and the prima 
 donna, who had stopped a recent performance because 
 the kimona for Cho-Cho-San's baby did not fit. 
 
 Thatah had been given her preliminary instructions 
 
 74
 
 Hagar Revelly. 75 
 
 and they were on the point of leaving, when a little thin- 
 faced woman, very nervous and excited, came in without 
 knocking. 
 
 The father and daughter stood by while she inter- 
 viewed the secretary, and Thatah was given her first view 
 of life behind the stage. 
 
 " Oh, Mr. Graveur," the woman cried ; " what is it you 
 think they have done now? Well, my name, understand, 
 that is first in Warsaw, in Moscow, right at the head of 
 the Ballet, right under our leader, is now put after that 
 nasty woman Mr. Perrini likes. I told you it would be so. 
 He likes her. Everybody knows it." 
 
 She went on to say it was terrible that in America an 
 artist must bow her head, because another woman had a 
 pretty nose. When she was pacified and had left, Mr. 
 Graveur explained to Thatah that as he was also secretary 
 to Mr. Perrini, the impresario, he was compelled during 
 the summer to take all the complaints. 
 
 " I'm like a social secretary in an embassy," he said, 
 smiling. " The Ambassador does as he wants and has me 
 do what must be done." 
 
 Thatah was required to be at the Bureau at ten o'clock 
 the next morning. Work was piling up for the opening 
 of the season, and the memory of the past soon became 
 lost in her many new occupations. 
 
 As the days went on, she wondered to herself some- 
 times how hardships could be so easily forgotten. She 
 was astonished, too, to find that she actually enjoyed her 
 work, and to notice that it was with a good deal of 
 genuine pleasure that she went to Mr. Graveur's office 
 each morning, and that what she did there seemed to her 
 really not like work at all. 
 
 Mr. Graveur was soft-voiced, and his big stature and 
 hardened face made the words he spoke seem even kindlier 
 than they really were. To hear him say, " That's it ex-
 
 76 Hagar Revelly 
 
 actly, Miss Revelly," as he did when she performed some 
 task correctly, was very sweet to her. 
 
 Gradually she forgot all the quarrels, forgot how she 
 had suffered in the knowledge of her mother's rendezvous, 
 forgot even the stupid sordidness of the boarding house. 
 Little by little all the details of her former life escaped 
 her. She came to look back upon that past time as some- 
 thing to be viewed separately from anything in which she 
 now took part. 
 
 Whenever she called at the little office upstairs for her 
 salary, she would say to herself, musing over the situa- 
 tion : " A week ago, I came here two weeks three 
 weeks." But it seemed almost as if it were the only life 
 she had ever known.
 
 CHAPTER IX 
 
 ALTHOUGH Thatah found herself placed so happily in her 
 new position, and her father was at least temporarily 
 more pleased than he had been since the parting of the 
 family, Mrs. Revelly was compelled to travel on a road 
 less smooth. 
 
 One day soon after her conversation with Nealy, she 
 came home to find the following letter lying addressed to 
 her on the dressing-table in her bedroom: 
 
 "Darling Mother: 
 
 I heard your talk with Mr. Nealy. I was in your room and 
 I could not help it. I heard what you said and for the last 
 few days you don't know how unhappy I have been thinking 
 about it. Ever since then I've been thinking what I shall do. 
 You know how much I love you. I am not going to let you 
 be unhappy through me. So I have thought about it very much 
 and I know that if I could go some place so that you two can 
 be together without me, then he won't think about me and 
 everything will be all right. Honestly, I know Mr. Nealy 
 doesn't care for me and he has never said anything to me except 
 what you have heard, but I think I ought to go away. 
 
 That is what I have arranged to do. And it is only because 
 I love you, mother. You know that. I am not going to let 
 you be unhappy through me. I have made up my mind to get a 
 job some place anyway as I have not any right to stay at home 
 and not do anything. I think every girl ought to work and 
 make some money. Even if she was rich she ought to do 
 something. I have been to Siegel-Cooper's and Macy's. But 
 they did not have anything for me and so yesterday I went to 
 Rheinchild's Department Store on 6th Ave. and I got a good 
 job there. Mr. Herrick gave me a letter to somebody he knew 
 
 77
 
 78 Hagar Revelly 
 
 there. He doesn't know but what you wanted me to do it, 
 and please, mother, don't let him think any different, because 
 he has been so nice about it. I moved my trunk j ust now while 
 you are down town and I'm going to leave this on your dresser. 
 
 Please don't worry because I am all right. Miss Gillespie, 
 the lady who is in charge of my department, told me where I 
 could get a nice room at the boarding house where she lives. 
 So I went there and got an awful nice little room right next to 
 hers. It is at 297 Fifty-sixth Street and that is where I am 
 going now. The lady of the house is real nice too, so every- 
 thing is all right. I told her I was from Albany, because I 
 thought maybe if I told her I lived in New York, she would 
 wonder why I didn't stay home. You know I could not tell 
 her the reason for that. 
 
 Now please don't come after me because I am doing this for 
 you. I will write every day and come and see you all the time. 
 I love you with all my heart and I know how unhappy you are. 
 You were unhappy enough when father was at home. 
 
 Your loving daughter, 
 
 HAGAR." 
 
 < 
 
 At first Mrs. Revelly could not believe that this was 
 anything other than childish humor on the part of Hagar, 
 but gradually she began to realize it was true, and was 
 overcome by a spell of grief and hysteria that neither 
 Fanny nor Mr. Nealy could quell. 
 
 Her impulse was to rush immediately after Hagar and 
 bring her home by force. But Nealy advised other- 
 wise, thinking that Hagar's wilful nature might make her 
 more rebellious and obstinate than ever. 
 
 So she immediately wrote a letter to Hagar, which 
 Nealy promised to take, without in any way indulging in 
 a verbal argument: 
 
 " My dear darling Hagar: 
 
 Your letter has come like a stroke of lightning, and it has 
 stricken your poor mother. For God's sake, Hagar, don't be
 
 Hagar Revelly 79 
 
 so foolish. You don't know how terribly unhappy you are 
 making me. So please, please, come back and don't be so 
 foolish. Mr. Nealy is taking this letter to you, which proves 
 that everything is all right. He watched me write this letter 
 and you can understand that he wouldn't take it to you, if he 
 felt anything like what you think. And I am not coming after 
 you, which is what I should do. 
 
 I can't believe that my own dear Hagar should do such a 
 wild, impulsive thing. Of course, dear, I know you love me 
 and that you think you are doing right because it is for my sake. 
 But please think, dearie, and know that this is bringing me a 
 thousand times the unhappiness I would feel even if the other 
 were true. 
 
 Please come back with Mr. Nealy. 
 
 Your heart-broken Mother. 
 
 P.S. When you do an unforeseen act like this, darling, it 
 scares me, and makes me feel that I have raised you to be as 
 old as you are and still do not know you or understand you at 
 all. Haven't you been happy at home? Oh, my dear child, it 
 makes me think of how quiet you always are around the house. 
 Surely, it isn't because you think I am doing wrong. No, I 
 won't believe that. My darling, you must come back with Mr. 
 Nealy. The torture your mother shall suffer until her little 
 one comes back, will be unendurable." 
 
 "Mother: 
 
 I am writing this while Mr. Nealy is waiting. He says he 
 is going to take me back by force if I don't come back will- 
 ingly. Now, I will not have him do anything like this, and it 
 will only make matters worse. 
 
 Honestly, I like it here. I have got a dandy job at Rhein- 
 child's, in the waist department, at six dollars a week and Mr. 
 Greenfield, one of the owners, and managers, says I can get 
 seven or eight dollars pretty soon. I like it here a lot. Mr. 
 Nealy will tell you that I have a nice little room with a pretty 
 red carpet and the sun coming in through a real big window. 
 I have been thinking since I left this afternoon and I know 
 that I am not doing any good at home, just hanging around.
 
 80 Hagar Revelly 
 
 I think that girls ought to work, like men. So please, darling 
 mama, do not worry and let me do this. There are some girls 
 and fellows here and the landlady says that they have a dandy 
 time playing and singing at night in the parlor. Really, I was 
 getting so lonesome all the time at home. That was why I 
 was so quiet. I do want to work and make my own money. 
 Just think how nice that will be. And if I was making eight 
 dollars a week I could bring some of it to you. You can rent 
 my room and that will help a lot, too. And then you know it 
 will be the same about Mr. Nealy if I come back. And I want 
 you to be happy. 
 
 All my love. 
 
 HAGAR. 
 
 P.S. Mr. Herrick says he will call on me here. He is so 
 nice, mother. Please do not say anything to him, as I would 
 hate to have to explain why I really left. He thinks every- 
 thing is all right. 
 
 I have rented this place by the month anyway and of course, 
 couldn't give it up. Mr. Nealy says you are sick in bed because 
 I have gone away. Please, mother, do not worry and I will 
 come and see you as soon as you say everything is all right, 
 and that you won't hold me and keep me from coming back 
 here. I will not leave here now and am going to follow the 
 plans I have made." 
 
 
 
 " My precious Child: 
 
 I'm in bed and they won't let me leave. Oh, Hagar, why will 
 you persist in driving me nearly crazy? I can't understand 
 you. When Mr. Nealy came in so silently just now and gave 
 me a letter instead of bringing to me my precious girl, I nearly 
 fainted. He was disgusted and would not answer any ques- 
 tions, only saying, ' Read read.* 
 
 I see that I can't avoid having you away from me to-night. 
 Oh, darling, you are breaking my heart. I am so weak and 
 trembling and have terrible pains in my head. But if Mr. 
 Nealy would let me I would come to you to-night anyway. 
 And I would hold you in my arms and kiss your dear little 
 cheeks, until you understood.
 
 Hagar Revelly 81 
 
 Hagar, you are young and impulsive and I have always let 
 you have your way,, But this is too serious. I am blaming 
 myself for not explaining to you more fully my relationship 
 with Mr. Nealy. I feel that maybe you are thinking of this. 
 Surely you know a mother's love is different and the atmos- 
 phere in our home has always been good and pure. But you 
 are making me blame myself terribly. 
 
 We mustn't write any more letters. It makes me suffer too 
 much. 
 
 Don't be so foolish as to worry about the agreement about 
 the rent. We'll fix that. 
 
 If you don't come as soon as you get this, I am coming to 
 you, whether I am able or not. 
 
 My darling, I love you. Please come to my open arms." 
 
 " Darling mother: 
 
 I will not come home. That is, not now. I am going to stay 
 the month out here and decide one way or the other. Then if 
 everything is not the way I think it is, I will come home. 
 
 I only received your letter just as I was leaving the house this 
 morning for the store and am writing this during my noon 
 hour. Mr. Nealy came to the store about a half hour ago and 
 made a terrible scene, talking about child-labor, and everything, 
 and then he got excited and tried to pull me in front of all the 
 girls. I hate him and would not think of going home now. 
 He has not got any business to put his hand in my affairs like 
 that. You ought to have seen him. He was acting just like 
 he was crazy. You can imagine how I felt in front of all the 
 girls. 
 
 I never saw anybody so mean and excited and I hate him. 
 
 I am all right and please don't worry. 
 
 Your loving daughter, 
 
 HAGAR." 
 
 Hagar received a short note from her mother on the 
 following day. It said : " As you wish, my poor, foolish 
 girl. I see it is of no use to force you, and you are very 
 thoughtless and stubborn. Still, I want you to know that
 
 8 Hagar Revelly 
 
 the home is always waiting. I am coming to you as soon 
 as I get up." 
 
 Many times in the following days, after an exciting 
 interview with her mother, Hagar would stop short to ask 
 herself whether she ought to hold out against her mother's 
 wishes. But she had begun to enjoy and appreciate her 
 new life, and she was loath to give it all up. She had a 
 new understanding of things an understanding that 
 would make her stop short in the middle of the street, 
 and ask of herself questions. 
 
 There was much fun in the evenings for her at the new 
 place, and for the first time in her life was she able to 
 buy things with her own money. At the store, too, she 
 came in contact with so many new people and ideas. 
 She soon learned that in the ways of the world she was 
 like a baby, and this was something she tried to over- 
 come at once. She was really ashamed to let anyone 
 see how little she knew and understood. Listening to 
 the other girls' conversations, she would stand and won- 
 der, asking herself why it was that she had been so igno- 
 rant and learned so little. The other girls had so much 
 pleasure out of things that she could not understand at 
 all. It gave her an intense craving to get a peep into 
 the world and be as wise as they. 
 
 Other things came up, also. For the first time in her 
 whole life, she bought in the hosiery department, at a 
 special rate, a pair of silk stockings. This she did on 
 the day she received her first salary and as she walked 
 away from the counter she believed that there was com- 
 ing to her, for the first time, a peep into the glories of a 
 strange new world. 
 
 After a number of weeks had passed, Mrs. Revelly 
 seemed to be reconciled. There was always in her mind 
 to comfort her the feeling that Hagar would soon return,
 
 Hagar Revelly 83 
 
 and that she must let the impulsive nature of the child 
 run its course. 
 
 Although mother and child saw each other very often, 
 Hagar would never eat at home nor take the chance of 
 meeting Mr. Nealy. There was no doubt that Hagar, 
 who at first had left home because of a desire that she 
 should not be the cause of her mother's unhappiness, was 
 now so much happier in her freedom that she could not 
 think of giving it up. The days became for her, instead 
 of monotonous passages, vehicles that lightly bore her to 
 other roads. 
 
 At last she saw that her repeated pleadings that she 
 be left alone had succeeded, for Mrs. Revelly rented out 
 her former room to a young public school teacher. Ha- 
 gar when she heard this, felt that now she was at last 
 permanently established in her new life. 
 
 She had meantime begun to meet and take interest in 
 the people of her new circle. Perhaps of them all Miss 
 Gillespie, who lived in the next room, was the most sym- 
 pathetic and kind to her. This woman was a thin, freckled 
 face, energetic little person and the two very shortly 
 struck up a friendship. Hagar learned from the nervous 
 little woman a great many new things. 
 
 One night, Miss Gillespie made a confident of her. It 
 all started with giving her opinion about a girl whom 
 she knew in the chorus of a musical show on Broadway. 
 From this, led by Hagar's questions, she went on to tell 
 of her own marriage and the outcome of it. 
 
 " Oh, but isn't divorce wrong, Miss Gillespie? " Hagar 
 asked. 
 
 " Not a bit of it ! " was the woman's vehement answer. 
 " All this rot about the moral side of divorce makes me 
 sick. It's like the pale-faced woman who says she won't 
 use rouge because it isn't right. She neglects a remedy
 
 84 "Hagar Revelly 
 
 that might make her better looking, just because she 
 thinks there is some moral reason, and yet, the result is 
 physical because her looks stay the same. That proves 
 she's not logical. And it's the same with divorce. You 
 can stay miserable if you want to, if you think it is wrong 
 to get a divorce. But I didn't have any scruples along 
 that line. He was a fool and a brute and I got rid of 
 him. That's all there was to it." 
 
 With the lamp throwing its soft glow through the red 
 shade, they sat on the end of the bed and talked till mid- 
 night. It was the first real conversation with any woman 
 except her mother, that Hagar had experienced in her 
 sixteen years of life. 
 
 She found Miss Gillespie a peculiar person, who talked 
 gaily, then of a sudden became so quiet that for minutes 
 she sat without even a movement of her body. Sometimes 
 she would change her mood so suddenly that Hagar, from 
 sheer perplexity, would not know whether to laugh or be 
 silent. 
 
 Once she did laugh rather inopportunely, and Miss Gil- 
 lespie looked at her with dull grey eyes just showing from 
 between the lids. " Oh, don't laugh at me," she said. 
 " Just listen and I'll teach you a lot, little sister." 
 
 One night, after they had become more intimate, Miss 
 Gillespie broke into talking rather fully about her life. 
 
 " No, it hasn't been all gay with me, my little friend, 
 I can tell you," she told Hagar. " The world kicked me 
 pretty good once, and I am just kicking back. I married 
 a fellow because I really thought I loved him, and all he 
 married me for was because he wanted somebody to be 
 with him. I was the only one with whom he kept com- 
 pany, or who paid any attention to him. Then he made 
 love to me and I took it all in and believed it, like a big 
 fool. 
 
 " Yes, he would have made love to a bronze figure in
 
 Hagar Revelly 85 
 
 a museum, if there hadn't been anything else around. He 
 was that kind of a man. You don't want to believe men, 
 anyway. They make love a lot of times, just to see how 
 well they can do it, just to see if they've lost their hand 
 at the game. Well, we weren't married very long before 
 I found out how selfish he was, and that I was just a piece 
 of furniture to him. I rebelled, and it got so, after that 
 first big fuss, that I just couldn't stand him to come near 
 me." 
 
 She stopped her narrative long enough to interpolate, 
 " Oh, you don't know what a wonderful thing it is, just to 
 want to have come near you the man you want. I tell 
 you nobody ought to marry unless they've got that kind 
 of a feeling. People may have money, big homes, and a 
 lot of machines tagging them around ; still if they haven't 
 got that great big throbbing feeling in their bodies 
 why, nothing amounts to anything. That's what makes 
 a lot of these rich women do so many funny things, like 
 running off with their coachmen and chauffeurs. Yes, 
 that's my religion that is, if I eVer get married again." 
 
 She fell suddenly into one of her trance-like silences. 
 
 " Where was I? " she asked after a moment. Then as 
 Hagar reminded her, she went on : " Well, I got a di- 
 vorce, made up my mind that feeling and all that is very 
 well if you both have it, but that it always puts a woman 
 in the hole if she's the only one who has it. Maybe it's 
 all a joke anyway." 
 
 " Don't you think you'll ever get married again, Miss 
 Gillespie? " asked Hagar. 
 
 The woman took Hagar's hands and gently fondled 
 them. 
 
 " Call me Mabel, child you know me well enough for 
 that," she said. 
 
 " Won't you ever get married? " persisted Hagar, 
 
 Miss Gillespie smiled, somewhat queerly.
 
 86 'Hagar Revelly 
 
 " Well, no not unless I find a man who loves me so 
 much he'll forget whether I love him or not. And that 
 will never be." She thought for a time, then went on: 
 
 " It's strange, little friend, all right. Just like the 
 way the rounder watches his little sister. He is bad right 
 enough, but he wants that little sister to be as pure as 
 snow. I guess that is about the way I am. When I 
 come across the man who is as good and innocent in his 
 thoughts as I ought to be, then I'll make him marry me 
 before he knows it. But I don't believe you can find that 
 kind any more. At least, not in the big cities in the 
 country maybe, but then they'd be dummies." 
 
 " What difference does it make where a man lives ? " 
 asked Hagar she could guess, but she wanted to keep 
 Miss Gillespie talking. 
 
 " Why, in town the men are all bad. Women are an- 
 other sex to them, you know, and they feel their duty is 
 to win over them, show their manliness, get the best of 
 them just like savages one tribe against another. 
 And they've got the money to pay for it. That's it." 
 In a more shadowy voice, she said : " And I guess there 
 are some people who get married, along just such lines." 
 
 She continued slowly and quietly now, nearly solilo- 
 quizing to herself, while Hagar listened. 
 
 " Yes, the man I want is the man who knows and yet 
 stays good because his heart is good. You know the 
 man who saves the girl from drowning because he is a 
 good swimmer is no hero. He only does his duty. And 
 that is the way it is with being good. It takes tempta- 
 tion, sin all around, to try you out. And then when 
 you're good, little girl why, then you're good." She 
 broke off into a whisper. " And I'm bad, and I only tell 
 it to somebody like you, who is just starting out, when we 
 are together like this, when it's dark and the walls don't 
 listen, and I can tell it straight
 
 Hagar Revelly 87 
 
 " I'm unhappy because I'm bad, and yet I am not 
 bad like other women. It's all in my mind. I just 
 want to get even with them for what they've made me go 
 through. You're just starting out. Oh, I hope you'll 
 never feel the way I do. . . . You won't if you take 
 my word that only the really good people in the world are 
 really happy ! " 
 
 Hagar went to her work the next morning with a feel- 
 ing of sudden maturity, ebbing in and out, like the tide, 
 through her being. She had come upon a great, new, in- 
 definable thing. It seemed to pervade her. All of a 
 sudden she understood how her mother, or Thatah, or her 
 father, could be sad or happy over nothing but the con- 
 ditions of things. Hitherto she had always thought 
 that only sickness or injury could make one suffer. 
 
 Often before she had said to herself as she watched the 
 misery of others, "Why are they unhappy? There 
 hasn't anything happened." Now she understood. 
 
 This new understanding filled Hagar's days for her 
 now. She did not find as much pleasure in playing the 
 childish games, or in singing ragtime songs of an evening. 
 Very often she would go quietly to her room and sit by 
 the window, happy to have a moment alone in which she 
 could think. Many times she would find herself standing 
 quietly in some public place wrapped in thought. This 
 would make her angry and she would clench her small 
 fist and try to fight off the queer feeling that enveloped 
 her. It was strange how little things would plunge her 
 into this mood. Often it would come just at the sight 
 of some man whose face she had not even seen, or in the 
 passing of some stranger in a moving vehicle.
 
 CHAPTER X 
 
 Miss GILLESPIE had charge of the girls in the cheap shirt- 
 waist department. She allowed them to have their way 
 in a great many matters and accordingly was much be- 
 loved, and the manager, Mr. Greenfield, gave her permis- 
 sion to follow her own judgment, since she was so well 
 obeyed by them. But the head of that side of the store 
 was a tall and very thin lady, who wore glasses and a 
 continuous smile upon a face which easily showed in its 
 lines a very disagreeable temper. This woman was really 
 in charge, but from past experiences the girls knew of her 
 temper, and always carried their complaints to Miss Gil- 
 lespie, who smoothed out each little controversy with 
 Miss Gibbs in diplomatic manner. 
 
 Under Miss Gillespie's tutelage, Hagar soon became well 
 acquainted with the machinery of the big store. She 
 would register the instant of her arrival on a big round 
 time machine, and hang her wraps away with the other 
 hundreds of girls, just as if she were only another one 
 of the prisoners in some jail and with as much mechanical 
 unconsciousness as the others. 
 
 Hagar became quickly initiated in other ways, too. 
 Although Miss Gillespie was kind to her, she was com- 
 pelled to submit to the rigid rules and regulations of the 
 establishment with as close obedience as any of the other 
 employes. One morning she was fined for being late, and 
 again when a shirt-waist had fallen down from a pile, a 
 floorwalker from another department came past and rep- 
 rimanded her. She learned that the store had in its em- 
 ploy detectives who were paid by the management to watch 
 
 88
 
 Hagar Revelly 89 
 
 the girls quite as carefully as they watched the custom- 
 ers. But it pleased her to be in a position where there 
 was a constant stirring and interest, and the rules to 
 which she was compelled to submit bothered her very little. 
 
 One afternoon Mr. Herrick stopped in to see her, and 
 found her waiting on a big fat woman, with a puffed red 
 face, who persisted in having her take down one waist 
 after another to inspect the lace or the collar, only to 
 push it back disgustedly and to ask for something of an 
 entirely different color or pattern. Hagar found her 
 temper surging as she waited upon the woman and was on 
 the point of asking for Miss Gillespie, when Herrick came 
 up, his big broad shoulders looming above the crowd of 
 women that surrounded the counter. 
 
 And for the first time she did what she had learned was 
 an easy way to get rid of troublesome customers. She 
 passed the woman on to the girl at her side, who in turn 
 passed the lady to another partner. But this girl was 
 busy, and compelled the woman, whose temper had long 
 ago become ruffled, to either wait or leave. 
 
 Hagar and Herrick had not met for over a month. 
 He had been compelled to go out of the city in connection 
 with some contract that his firm had made, and he was 
 now apparently very pleased to see her. 
 
 " Well, some difference, Miss Hagar, isn't it? " he said 
 as he greeted her. 
 
 He looked at her close-fitting black waist with its little 
 delicate lace at the collar. 
 
 " You look pretty nice," he faltered, in boyish fash- 
 ion. " How are you? " 
 
 " Oh, I'm fine, Mr. Herrick." 
 
 " Your mother told me," he said, " that you didn't 
 have to work, but that you were doing it of your own ac- 
 cord. Of course, I understood, but didn't say anything. 
 But you certainly did right."
 
 90 Hagar Revelly 
 
 He looked around. One little woman with a bedragglcJ 
 bird of paradise on her hat was holding on to the end of 
 a coarse muslin chemise trimmed with cotton ribbon, 
 while another woman had her fingers tightly clasped on 
 the other end, both wanting the garment, and both having 
 seemingly discovered it at the same moment. At last 
 Miss Gillespie was called in to settle the dispute over the 
 bargain. 
 
 "Do they fight like that at your counter, too?" he 
 asked of Hagar, with an amused smile on his face. 
 
 " No that is I don't know. We haven't had a 
 sale since I've been here." 
 
 " Well, if you ever need any help, call on me," he said, 
 laughing. 
 
 Before he left he made an engagement with her for the 
 following Thursday evening. 
 
 " We'll go to some show," he said. 
 
 " Gee, that'll be fine," she answered. 
 
 And as she watched him walk out between the rows of 
 women, who looked like pygmies beside him, she felt 
 rather proud. 
 
 Later in the afternoon Mr. Greenfield, the manager 
 of the store, came along and stopped in front of her 
 counter. Hagar felt the color surge to her face. 
 
 " Well, Miss Revelly, how's the work getting on ? " 
 he asked. 
 
 Although he had been stopping at her counter nearly 
 every day for the past few weeks, she still felt bashful 
 whenever he approached. It may have been she was 
 conscious that the eyes of all the other girls centred 
 upon her, for she knew how very seldom it was that the 
 manager stopped and talked to any of the others. 
 
 She replied to his question, " Oh, I'm getting along 
 fine, Mr. Greenfield." 
 
 He had already passed on, had even nodded a parting
 
 Hagar Revelly 91 
 
 greeting to Miss Gillespie at the head of the aisle, when 
 he turned and came back to her. 
 
 " If you get tired, don't hesitate to sit down," he 
 said, in a soft, kind voice. " You don't look well." 
 
 "What did he say to you?" asked the girl at her 
 side, as soon as the manager disappeared at the head of 
 the aisle. 
 
 " Oh, he " Hagar was near to telling, but something 
 whispered that it was more than an extra privilege which 
 the manager had^ given her. She answered that he had 
 simply asked her how she liked the work. 
 
 "What did you tell him? " 
 
 The girl was eyeing her steadily, and it rather embar- 
 rassed Hagar to be questioned so closely. It aroused 
 her anger a little. 
 
 "Why, what do you want to know for?" she said 
 boldly. 
 
 " Oh, don't be so innocent," came the girl's answer. 
 " He likes you. I just thought I'd put you wise. I 
 heard him asking Miss Gillespie about you as I was go- 
 ing to lunch yesterday." 
 
 Gradually Hagar began to realize the truth of this, 
 and in one way or another she became aware of Mr. 
 Greenfield's attentions to her. She even felt that he 
 ought not be so kind to her, from a business standpoint, 
 and she accordingly acted more dignified than she felt 
 when he passed a kind word to her, just so the other girls 
 would not notice. 
 
 In the following days he came to the aisle more often, 
 never failing to give her some pleasant word of recogni- 
 tion. And one day, he stopped long enough to tell her 
 in low tones that she should come to his office that even- 
 ing to receive a letter which entitled her to the same dis- 
 count price in any of the departments, that was allowed 
 to the department heads themselves. To give such a
 
 92 Hagar Revelly 
 
 thing to a salesgirl was unprecedented, though Hagar 
 hardly realized it. 
 
 " If you don't need anything now, you probably will 
 later on," he said, as he looked at the little thin silk waist 
 that showed, through its worn threads at the elbow, a 
 faint suggestion of her arm. 
 
 Hagar thanked him, and that night, found her way 
 to his private office. As she opened the painted glass 
 door, a feeling of consternation and fear stole through 
 her. She wondered how she would act in front of this 
 important man. 
 
 Hesitating for only a moment, however^ she then 
 gently knocked. 
 
 Inside she saw Greenfield with his dark, shining, smooth 
 hair and clean-shaven face, bending over the desk. 
 
 He noticed her quite as soon as she had gained the 
 room, and asked very politely if she would pardon him 
 for another moment while he finished with some work. 
 
 " Just sit down, Miss Revelly, I'll be through in a 
 minute," he said kindly. 
 
 When he had finished he pushed aside the paper that 
 had occupied his attention, and looked up at her. 
 
 " Did you have a hard time finding this place? " His 
 tones were so quieting she felt instantly at ease, and 
 loosened her nervous grip on the cords of her purse. 
 
 " I'm pretty hard to reach up here," he went on. 
 " Last year I thought I would take a place back of the 
 alteration department on the third floor. But I can 
 work better here where it is so quiet, even though my 
 friends do have to go on a tour of exploration whenever 
 they want to find me." 
 
 Hagar agreed with him that it was quieter here. 
 
 " I'll make out your slip," he said, and took down a 
 little box of yellow printed cards. Writing her name at
 
 Hagar Revelly 93 
 
 the bottom of one, he handed it to her with a gentle 
 smile. 
 
 *' There you are, Miss Revelly, and let me know when- 
 ever things don't go just right." 
 
 " You are very kind, Mr. Greenfield," said she, with 
 an intense desire to get out of the door as soon as pos- 
 sible. 
 
 He turned the knob for her and wished her good- 
 night, and before she knew it she was in the elevator 
 again. 
 
 At the supper table that evening she experienced a cer- 
 tain feeling of aloofness and superiority over her fellow 
 boarders. She was not even bothered by the brassy voice 
 of Miss La Motte, a chorus girl whom she abhorred be- 
 cause of her heavily pencilled lashes. 
 
 But, when she reached her room, the place seemed un- 
 usually stuffy, small and uncomfortable. 
 
 The days went by evenly enough after that and Green- 
 field's kindness to her was a source of much happiness. 
 Somehow his notice of her gave her self-assurance and 
 poise. 
 
 Herrick came quite often to see her too, and she was 
 always glad when she heard from him or found him await- 
 ing her in the little parlor downstairs. 
 
 He had been getting along very well and proudly told 
 her that a design of his for a window had been accepted 
 by the company. There was a good deal of comfort and 
 pleasure for them both in their meetings, as he talked 
 about her work and asked her advice on different sub- 
 jects. He was still boarding with her mother but never 
 discussed home matters. However, one night when they 
 were going down in the subway to the Brooklyn Bridge 
 station for Coney Island, he said very suddenly, " I can't 
 understand why you don't come home."
 
 94 Hagar Revelly 
 
 The train was rushing through the dull warm at- 
 mosphere and he had to speak loudly. 
 
 " You come there often enough, why don't you move 
 back? Just think how nice it would be to see each other 
 all the time like that." 
 
 " Oh, I couldn't do that," she replied. 
 
 "You couldn't?" 
 
 " No." 
 
 " I don't see why not." 
 
 " You don't know all the facts," she said mysteri- 
 ously. " If you did you wouldn't ask me to go back. 
 Then I'm happier the way things are, anyway." 
 
 "What are the facts?" 
 
 She hesitated. " Oh, just a family secret," she an- 
 swered, refusing to divulge anything further. 
 
 The last closing days of the gay resort were approach- 
 ing and they found very few people. Everything looked 
 so dreary, they decided they would first go to some pa- 
 vilion and get a drink. And it was after they had 
 reached a restaurant done in Japanese fashion, and were 
 sitting over a lemonade and a glass of beer, that she 
 suddenly broke the long spell of silence and put to him, 
 a hypothetical question, embroidered in words that were 
 forcedly disinterested. 
 
 " Tell me, Mr. Herrick " 
 
 " Call me Frank," he interrupted. " You might as 
 well. I guess this is about the tenth time I've asked 
 you to ! " 
 
 She laughed. " Well, Frank, then, if you'll have it 
 so. I'm going to ask you a certain question and I want 
 you just to answer it the way I ask it, and don't think it 
 applies to me or anything." 
 
 He was very attentive in the instant. 
 
 " At your service," he said, with a mock effort at being 
 dignified.
 
 Hagar Revelly 95 
 
 " Well," she continued with deliberation ; " if you were 
 a girl who lived at home, with her mother and her father 
 and your father was dead, and another man loved 
 your mother very deeply and you found this other man 
 was beginning to care for you and breaking your mother's 
 heart what would you do then ? Wouldn't you leave, 
 too?" 
 
 He looked at her in surprise. " Is that your case, 
 Hagar?" 
 
 " Why of course not. But I know a girl in a fix 
 like that." 
 
 "What did you say too, for, then?" 
 
 "Did I say too?" 
 
 " Sure, you did." 
 
 " Well, I don't know why I said that, I didn't mean 
 to," she replied, much confused. 
 
 The young man gave her question some very deep and 
 apparent thought before he answered her. " I don't 
 know what I would do, Hagar. If I was the daughter, 
 and thought the man loved my mother so, I'd wonder, I 
 suppose, why they didn't get married." 
 
 " Oh, I forgot to say that in this case they couldn't 
 get married because the man was so poor." 
 
 Herrick puckered his lips. " Rather a complicated 
 affair, isn't it? " Then he asked why the man didn't 
 work harder and make more money. 
 
 " Oh, he can't make money he's a writer," she an- 
 swered, innocently. 
 
 Herrick thought for some time, interspersing his ques- 
 tions with shallow gulps of beer. Her problem changed 
 him into a person of serious mien and ruffled brows. 
 
 " It's pretty complicated," he said at last. " But I 
 suppose it would come down to this. If that man cared 
 enough for my mother, he wouldn't care for me and 
 if he cared for me, I suppose my mother would be glad
 
 9<J 'Hagar Revelly 
 
 if she knew I cared for him. But if the girl doesn't 
 care for him and the mother " 
 
 " Oh, you don't understand," she exclaimed. " Let's 
 talk about something else." 
 
 He looked at her a little hurt. It seemed to him that, 
 had she given him time, he would have cleared the situa- 
 tion. 
 
 " As you wish, my child," he said, with the thought 
 that Hagar was a strange person. 
 
 Then he suggested a ride on the switch-back. 
 
 " Oh, I'd be afraid," she cried, at the same time glad 
 of the suggestion. 
 
 " Oh, you needn't be. I'll hold you tight," he told 
 her. 
 
 He bought the two tickets of a vender in the middle 
 of the empty street, and then going through the turn- 
 stiles they jumped into the last seat of a moving machine 
 as it whisked past them to a stop. 
 
 " It's better in the last seat," he explained. 
 
 For a moment the little wheels began to move under 
 the cars, and the car had no sooner gained a momentum 
 as they rushed along the shining, black, narrow tracks, 
 than they reached one of the steep inclines. There was 
 a grating, screeching sound, a sudden jerk, a plunge, 
 and a withering jar as they flashed up on to a high turn. 
 
 " It's a little scary, at first, isn't it? " he said loudly 
 in her ear. " This isn't your first time, is it? " 
 
 She shook her head, thinking it better to answer him 
 in this fashion than to yell a reply above the din and 
 clangor of the rushing cars. 
 
 Then they whirled past a curve into a long, black 
 tunnel-like passage. Here it was very dark and the two 
 cars tore along madly, as if the first one were a frenzied 
 thing, running away from the desperate, plunging pur- 
 suit of the second.
 
 Hagar Revelly 97 
 
 With one hand Hagar held tightly to her red sailor 
 straw hat, while with the other, she frantically grasped 
 a narrow brass rail in front of her. 
 
 And now came a precipitous lunge of the cars, with 
 two shorter jerks followed by another and deeper plunge. 
 It made her cry out in fear. Her hat was tearing loose 
 from her hair and she felt herself whirling around and 
 around, and thrown from one side of the car to the other. 
 
 Herrick kept one hand back of her and as they passed 
 around the last curve, partly by intention, he allowed 
 himself to come against her. 
 
 Hagar felt his arm around her in that moment and 
 his face against her own. A second later and their car 
 glided gracefully into a long, well-lighted passage-way, 
 lined by people awaiting their turn. 
 
 " Do you want another trip ? " he asked, as they stepped 
 out. 
 
 " Lord, no ! " she answered. 
 
 She waited until they were well out of the building 
 before she spoke again. Then she surprised him by 
 bursting out with a great show of temper. 
 
 " What do you mean, Mr. Herrick, by trying to kiss 
 me? " she said to him fiercely. 
 
 " Why, I I was only holding you in the car," he 
 answered with a guilty smile, as much as to say : " Well, 
 what difference would it have made if I had? " 
 
 " Well, don't you do it again," she said hotly. " You 
 don't act like a man who understood women." 
 
 No sooner had she said the words than she wondered 
 whence they had sprung from. They sounded strangely 
 familiar to her ears. Only after some time did she recol- 
 lect a conversation in which Miss Gillespie had related 
 how she had handled a man that got " too fresh." 
 
 Herrick and Hagar walked along for a few minutes, 
 the entire space of the sidewalk separating them.
 
 98 Hagar Revelly 
 
 Then he spoke up. " It's no use for you to get so 
 worked up about it. I like you and you know it. And 
 we've known each other pretty long anyway. We're not 
 children, any more." 
 
 She appeared to be weighing his argument, then in a 
 manner that showed her temper had abated, said: 
 
 "How old are you?" 
 
 " Guess." 
 
 "I can't." 
 
 " Well just say anything, twenty-one twenty- 
 five" 
 
 " Oh, I guess you're about thirty," after appearing to 
 have studied the matter carefully. 
 
 Pleased a good deal because her fury had lessened, but 
 more because she thought him much older than he really 
 was, he gave a boisterous laugh. 
 
 "Why, I'm only twenty-two," he said. "Though I 
 never let 'em at the shop know it." Very proudly he 
 added : " They think I'm about twenty-eight, I sup- 
 pose." 
 
 They talked on, quite friendly again. Knowing that 
 he was nearer her own age seemed suddenly to make the 
 situation infinitely pleasanter for her. She could not 
 word the thought, but had she been able, it would have 
 been that now he seemed less the lover and more the 
 friend, or better perhaps, that he was more a playmate 
 and would understand her games. Hagar had a pe- 
 culiar understanding of men, which made her feel in- 
 stinctively that from the older men should she fear love 
 making and that younger men were meant to be friends 
 or playmates. 
 
 It was past one o'clock in the morning when they 
 reached her home. 
 
 In the darkened vestibule, their faces quite touched in 
 a search for the keyhole. Suddenly Herrick reached his
 
 Hagar Revelly 99 
 
 arm around her waist and drew her to him, and with a 
 diplomacy bred by instinct and contact with her sex, 
 he looked silently into her face. 
 
 " You're a dear little girl, Hagar," he said, and then 
 gently, well before she was aware of it, he kissed her ten- 
 derly, firmly, on the lips. 
 
 The silence about them, the faint rays of the electric 
 light on the corner, ever; 'hing that had a part in the 
 situation, seemed to give silent consent. Nor had she 
 a wish to offer resistance; though when she had run up 
 the stairs and reached her room, she could not account 
 for her lessened self-control. Instead of being angry, 
 she was queerly pleased and comfortable. She felt still 
 the pressure of his hands and the imprint of his lips 
 felt this so strongly she even went over to the mirror 
 with an odd sensation of shame, to see if there still re- 
 mained on her lips some sign of his daring. 
 
 She did not think that she loved him ; she really forgot 
 his identity at that moment. It was only the kiss that 
 remained by her a picture, nearly the first picture, of 
 an emotion created by a man. 
 
 And the bouquet of it hovered perilously near her 
 throughout the night, even anesthetizing her sense of 
 duty, so that in the morning, for the first time since she 
 had entered this new life, she did not hear the jubilant 
 approach of day, voiced by the shrill cries of every alarm 
 clock on her floor. 
 
 Instead, she overslept herself, and was compelled to 
 go to her work without first breakfasting.
 
 CHAPTER XI 
 
 NOT long after accepting her position at the Opera, 
 Thatah discovered there was to be derived, even from the 
 details of her work, a real pleasure. The simplest act, 
 like going to the door and informing callers that Mr. 
 Graveur would see them in a moment, gave her much sat- 
 isfaction; it pleased her to interview, so nonchalantly, 
 the great men and women she had hitherto only read 
 about. 
 
 There were always singers and musicians calling for 
 their mail, or asking for the secretary, and she took 
 great delight in hearing these people talk, or in study- 
 ing the cut of their clothes. 
 
 One day a little woman, with small, round face and an 
 old faded parasol in her hands, came tripping into the 
 private office and over to Mr. Graveur's desk without 
 waiting for an announcement. 
 
 " Hello, Louis," she said, in a high-pitched, piping 
 voice. 
 
 Mr. Graveur looked up, in a surprised way, and then, 
 as a look of recognition swept over his face, said : " Oh, 
 hello, Rita." 
 
 " How about the contract ? " she asked directly. 
 
 He hesitated. " Oh, well, Rita, I guess we'll have to 
 wait until fall. I haven't heard from the other side yet, 
 you know." 
 
 She shook her head knowingly. " You are a cute lot 
 here. But, I'll see you later." 
 
 As the woman passed out, she said to the clerk at the 
 little mail window " Charlie, don't forget The 
 
 Elysee Palace Paris, until November first." 
 
 100
 
 Hagar Revelly , 101 
 
 Thatah was on the verge of asking who the little lady 
 might be, when Graveur exclaimed : " That was Rita 
 Pasale. She leads the ballet in Aida. She wants more 
 money this year." And then, by way of explanation: 
 " I knew her in Milan." 
 
 "She isn't the slave-girl, is she?" asked Thatah, re- 
 membering the slight girlish figure in the first formation 
 of the ballet. 
 
 " Yes, the slave-girl, Thatah. She's married now to 
 a fool in Italy. But she left him a year ago and brought 
 her three children with her. Her eldest son is a cow- 
 boy in La Fauciulla del West." 
 
 " Why, she looks so childish on the stage." 
 
 " She's got a good soul. That keeps her young," 
 Graveur answered, adding that the little dancer's body 
 was nearer fifty than forty. 
 
 The days passed pleasantly for Thatah. Louis 
 Graveur was an interesting man in many ways. She 
 liked his soft, brownish hair turning grey over the tem- 
 ples, his kind, grey eyes, the olive-tinted skin. Even 
 his movements, so gentle and quiet, seemed to be a com- 
 ponent part of his appearance. They seemed to match 
 up with his physical aspect, just as some stretch of 
 landscape may be compared in tone to a bit of music. 
 
 He moved about quickly and always silently, yet there 
 was something unusual and distinctive in the way he lit 
 his cigarette or fingered a pencil on his desk. She also 
 noticed a certain boyishness in his manner. Sometimes 
 he would sit still for a long time, and then of a sudden, 
 jump up and do what was his intent in a moment. But 
 it was always done gracefully, and he would never upset 
 things or crush the tenderest objects. He was the sort 
 of big man who could carry a fly between his thumb and 
 finger for half an hour and then set it free, unharmed. 
 
 Thatah, who had formerly come to feel that she must
 
 108 Hagar Revelly 
 
 forever bury as something beyond hope, her secret yearn- 
 ing for colorful things, found new interest in him. 
 
 One morning he told her about himself. 
 
 He had started out, intending to fit himself for an 
 operatic career, but lack of money made him go through 
 many hardships, and at last he was forced to give up. 
 In Paris he was compelled to live amongst a group of 
 other poverty-stricken students, and illness made work 
 impossible; in Milan where he at last obtained an unim- 
 portant part, the company disbanded. 
 
 At twenty-seven he accepted a clerk's position in the 
 business department of the Milan Opera, and from that 
 time he had risen in this branch of the work until he had 
 come to America to receive the office of Secretary. 
 
 " Often when I fall to wondering over my rather un- 
 expected fate," he told her, " I find it difficult to re- 
 linquish my former desire for another life, or rather 
 another career. When a tenor runs over the brilliant 
 tints of an upper register, I find strange spasms in my 
 throat. It makes me feel for a moment that I'll go back 
 to it. Of course, it's too late now," he laughed. 
 
 That day, she came back from lunch a bit earlier than 
 usual and found him sitting studiously at his desk, ap- 
 parently not noticing her. 
 
 " You see how punctual I am," she said. 
 
 He looked up at her. In his eyes came an admiring 
 smile. 
 
 " I wouldn't reprimand you if you were late," he re- 
 plied. He thought for a moment. " Why, I haven't 
 said a cross word to you in the months you've been here, 
 have I? " 
 
 " Yes, you have." 
 
 "When?" 
 
 Thatah thought of a conversation in which he had 
 told her of an expression she always wore on her face.
 
 Hagar Revelly 103 
 
 " When you said I was always sad-looking." 
 
 "Well, wasn't that the truth?" Then he went on 
 more emphatically, " Why is it that you are always so 
 well, sad, isn't the word, it is more that you appear to 
 wonder at things, Thatah." 
 
 " I do wonder at things," she replied. " But is that 
 strange? " 
 
 " It's unusual but you are unusual anyway, very 
 unusual," he added, with a toss of his hand. " Do you 
 know that?" 
 
 Thatah took off her jacket and hung it in the cloak- 
 room. When she came back she asked him why he 
 thought so. 
 
 " Oh, it's your little eccentricities ; you're so erratic. 
 Last week you were very kind to me. This week you are 
 so superior. I dare not look at you." 
 
 Thatah drew her lips up a little haughtily. 
 
 " That's the way I want to be. God pity those who 
 are so placed they can never do anything erratic." 
 
 For a time they busied themselves with indexing the 
 subscription list. Then Graveur began to talk of the 
 state of mind of the different artists. 
 
 " Some of them are so self-conscious," he said. " Now 
 I've always been very self-conscious, nearly girlish in- 
 deed, but I don't believe that I've been conscious of my 
 arms and legs or of the impression I made on my fellow- 
 men. It's more that I have been conscious of my state 
 of mind, or the impression I was making on God." 
 
 Before he went on he thought for a minute. 
 
 " Oh, when I come to think, I suppose if I were an 
 artist I would be as bad as the rest of them. I remember 
 once, when I was a little fellow, that I stopped my crying 
 just because I suddenly discovered that my tears were 
 running down from the outside corner of my eye instead 
 of from the inside corner. And again, one day at about
 
 104 Hagar Revelly 
 
 my seventh year, when I was sick and very pale, I climbed 
 into a chair and stood in front of the mirror on my 
 mother's chiffonier, watching myself growing whiter and 
 whiter until I dropped in a faint to the floor. Now, 
 how's that for self-consciousness?" 
 
 " I think you might have made a very temperamental 
 opera singer," was Thatah's reply, though, as she an- 
 swered him, she thought how strange it was that he should 
 so belittle himself before her. And she thought, too, of 
 her father with his meek manner. There seemed a cer- 
 tain parallelism between these two men, though she could 
 not quite name it. 
 
 After they had finished the work and he was putting 
 back the files, Graveur turned to her, saying, as he studied 
 her face : " You know, Thatah, you puzzle me more each 
 day. I hardly know how to handle you." 
 
 This was really the first confession of a thought that 
 had been bothering him for many weeks. He had dis- 
 cerned long before from the manner of their conversa- 
 tion that he could discuss with her, quite freely, almost 
 any subject. And yet each time it was with some fear 
 and trepidation that he would start to talk upon a sub- 
 ject that was a little unconventional. Though she would 
 discuss freely with him any argument which he brought 
 up, there was always a childishness and naivete in her 
 manner which he could not fathom. 
 
 One day he came across in print, a theory advanced by 
 a well-known professor, that had to do with the impor- 
 tance of recognizing a state which the scholar called 
 " Psychic Cohesiveness." He told Thatah about this and 
 they spoke in a quite unembarrassed way about sex, as it 
 concerned the theory. 
 
 Thatah was surprised at herself, but somehow she 
 felt absolutely free and secure in the presence of this 
 man and was only glad of the opportunity he gave her to
 
 Hagar Revelly 105 
 
 explain some of the views that had come from her per- 
 sistent reading. 
 
 The conversation had gradually drifted into a discus- 
 sion of the blind course that a woman of Graveur's ac- 
 quaintance had taken, and Thatah startled him by the 
 seriousness and depth of her views. 
 
 " A woman can give herself in only two ways," she 
 told him. " She may do it out of the joy of life and 
 not follow any special moral rule, or she may do it be- 
 cause she really cares. 
 
 " In either of these cases I can't see what the church 
 or marriage has to do with it. Why should she ask the 
 blessing of the church? It is not a question of right or 
 wrong but only whether or not you act sincerely, and 
 that you are doing no more harm to others, than is need- 
 ful to get some good for yourself." 
 
 He knew her better after that. He found that beneath 
 her long silences, her nearly perpetual sombreness, there 
 was hidden an intense desire for life that was fairly prime- 
 val in its innocence. 
 
 He could not know the periods of self-searching and 
 studying she had passed through in the last few months. 
 Thatah herself felt she was immeasurably more wise and 
 experienced than she had been only three months before. 
 In this time she had observed the people about her, had 
 looked into their lives, and compared them with her own. 
 
 Graveur grew fonder of her as the days passed and her 
 frankness was her best protection. Her little rebellious 
 talks against conventions and life, only brought to him a 
 greater reverence for the confidence, really increasing 
 her goodness in his eyes. Here was a woman, new to his 
 experience; a woman who lived in the very midst of sub- 
 terfuge and continental liaisons, who still did not, for an 
 instant, lose any of the maiden shyness or charm that 
 comes from purity of mind.
 
 106 Hagar Revelly 
 
 Once, in one of their unconventional talks, they turned 
 to Schopenhauer and his regard for women. Thatah 
 had read a little essay Graveur had given her just the 
 day before. 
 
 " All the mean things he says are true, I suppose," 
 said she. 
 
 " True ? " he exclaimed. 
 
 She thought for a moment. " Except in one place, 
 where he says women are horrid because they are too fat. 
 I get him there, don't I? And he really is a way off 
 when he says men are superior to women. He was prob- 
 ably an intelligent person and judged all men by him- 
 self, but I'm sure he judged women by only the women 
 with whom he associated. And I guess they didn't know 
 much. Intelligent men never run to intelligent women, 
 do they? " 
 
 Graveur arose from his desk. " I believe you are 
 becoming cynical, Thatah," he said, regarding her curi- 
 ously. 
 
 " Well," she replied, smiling and answering his stare 
 in a child-like way, " What if I am ? " It seemed that 
 she was tempting him, even daring him to discuss the 
 usually dangerous subjects. 
 
 " Well, I don't want you to. You are too young for 
 that." 
 
 " Are you saving me for something better ? " 
 
 " I am," he replied. " And you will forget your 
 ideas some day after I have taught you my opti- 
 misms." 
 
 Thatah thought she discovered his hidden meaning 
 and answered him in a surprisingly frank way. 
 
 " Mr. Graveur," said she, " I admire you and I like 
 you and you are so kind to me. And yet, when you 
 look at me so steadily, I somehow feel that you mean 
 something that I well, that I don't feel at all."
 
 Hagar Revelly 107 
 
 He laughed a little. " You are indeed frank, Tha- 
 tah." 
 
 " Isn't that the way to be? " She looked up with wide 
 open eyes. 
 
 The conversation ended by the man telling her, in 
 somewhat breaking tones what an odd and strange little 
 person she was. 
 
 Her relationship with this older man was the cause of 
 much perplexity to Thatah. She realized that she could 
 relieve herself of much misery and much real suffering if 
 she would let herself find pleasure in being with him. 
 But there was something more she wanted, though she 
 could not explain it to herself. 
 
 It bothered her to think that she could not forget this, 
 and many times, while she was sitting at the side of his 
 desk, she would tell herself that she must be more sensi- 
 ble. And then Graveur would look at her in his kindly, 
 affectionate way, and she would look down and blush and 
 feel guilty because the old feeling of indifference would 
 steal through her. 
 
 But the other side of her life had not changed much. 
 
 At the boarding house the days dragged by in mo- 
 notonous recurrence. There was the same food, the 
 same conversation, the same disdainful haughtiness writ- 
 ten on the face of the poetess. And though Thatah felt 
 that her lot was a little less trying since she had taken 
 a position, still she was always harassed by a feeling of 
 arid isolation that could not be overcome. 
 
 For a time she even thought her father a little less mel- 
 ancholic, a bit more buoyant and cheerful. But these 
 spells would last for only a few days and then he would go 
 back into his drab mood and be as sad as before. 
 
 In the early part of December, when it was dark at 
 six o'clock, she never failed to find him sitting in front 
 of the little soft coal stove, his head buried in his hands
 
 108 Hagar Revelly 
 
 and his eyes quite closed, so that he wasn't even conscious 
 of her entrance. 
 
 He seemed changed in other ways, too. His words 
 came softer, kinder, though as Thatah soon perceived, 
 more replete with gloominess and analytical searching. 
 
 One night, she came in covered with snow from a storm 
 that had lasted throughout the day, and found him shak- 
 ing with emotion, as if in some wild dream. 
 
 He gave a start, as she entered, and his face became 
 pale and blanched. 
 
 " What is it, father," she asked, thinking she had 
 never seen him look so ill and aged. 
 
 He answered simply : " Ah, I've been reading, reading, 
 Thatah." As he handed her a book he said, " I find a place 
 where Faust says to Satan : * Je veux un tresor qui les 
 contient tous. Je veux la Jeunesse ' >: 
 
 Then he quoted in English, " I desire a treasure that 
 contains them all, I desire youth." 
 
 " Yes, Thatah," he went on. " It's youth youth - 
 and I haven't it. Oh, be careful, little girl, and don't 
 waste the years the way I have wasted mine on some 
 one who doesn't care." 
 
 " You are thinking too seriously again, father," she 
 interrupted, taking his trembling hands and burying her 
 face in them. 
 
 He gently caressed her head, saying : *' My girl, you 
 are understanding more and more. I see it in you. And 
 how glad I am. I want you to understand, I want you 
 to know what there is in life. Oh, how wonderful it would 
 be if you should grow into a woman who would not sell 
 ner feelings and understanding, because of the fear of 
 passing time. 
 
 " Every life is a mirror, dear," he went on slowly, " and 
 reflected impressions stay with us. Yes, we must watch 
 what we give to ourselves."
 
 Hagar Revelly 109 
 
 As if he hesitated to word the thought that impelled 
 him, he said : " I think I can tell you now, Thatah. I 
 see that you have grown." 
 
 "What is it, father?" 
 
 He spent a long time in thought before answering her. 
 Then as if it were an effort to convince himself of the 
 truthfulness of his words, he told her that happiness 
 only comes after one has disappointments to measure it 
 
 by. 
 
 He went on, talking slowly and deliberately, as if he 
 were telling the final result of long thinking, as if it were 
 a document handed down as the complete result of a great 
 problem. 
 
 " The men and women who think and act as they feel 
 are the real aristocrats in this world. And their suf- 
 fering, the suffering that comes because of isolation and 
 cruel misunderstanding makes their persistence noble 
 and glorious. Yes, Thatah we must seek, always seek, 
 and never give up. 
 
 " Our work, our art, is only a bit of a holiday from 
 the fruitless search. To yearn for something real, that 
 you could feel in your very breath, against your lips 
 and cheek, something, that if it were tangible and you 
 could put it in the palm of your hand, you would know 
 from its very convolutions to be happiness ah, Thatah, 
 that is the quest of life." 
 
 From downstairs came the clanging sounds of the 
 dinner bell, and in a moment, a maid at the head of the 
 stairs had announced, " Dinner, dinner " but he kept 
 on talking, and Thatah, thoroughly under the spell in- 
 voked by the unhappy man, felt each word pierce into 
 her being. 
 
 Eman Revelly appeared to be consumed by the fire 
 of his thoughts, for his eyes flashed with intensity, while 
 his mouth, always so drawn and cold and lifeless, became
 
 110 ] Hagar Revelly 
 
 excited and virile the lips drew apart, the teeth showed, 
 he was a being 1 in a state of exaltation. 
 
 " Sometimes," he said to her, in a voice that was a 
 whisper, " I am throbbing all over. Yes, I get that way, 
 and then I can dissect my soul nearly. And tear out my 
 heart, and lay it out before me as if on a table, and then 
 say, * You see that place there ? ' Well, there is where 
 I imagined I was happy a long while ago before I 
 understood. And it was a joke . . . And that 
 place? Ah, you see that place too, do you? Well, there 
 
 I thought was real sympathy and feeling. Yes, a 
 long while ago before I understood. And it was a 
 joke. 
 
 " Yes, Thatah, I can do that sort of thing sometimes. 
 And when I do, I gloat over it and become unhappier, and 
 mock at my servitude to this throbbing thing called 
 Heart. 
 
 " Yes, it is because I see what a devilish thing it is to 
 love, and yearn that they call me crazy, Thatah," he 
 added, as if in an afterthought. 
 
 Thatah drew away from him. Her eyes were filled 
 with tears. " Oh, father, you make me so unhappy talk- 
 ing this way," she cried. 
 
 He went on, not noticing. " Yes, to-day, at the or- 
 chestra they called me crazy. Heineman called me that 
 
 because I feel too much what I play. They say I 
 should play like they do like a union man a brick- 
 layer and when the 'dinner bell rings I should drop my 
 music, my soul, and go eat with them, some ham and cab- 
 bage." 
 
 When he quieted for a moment, Thatah suggested that 
 it was a poor idea for him to tell them about his under- 
 standing and feeling. " They don't understand you, 
 you know that," she said. " That is the reason you suf-
 
 Hagar Revelly 111 
 
 fer. Why don't you fool them and keep away from them 
 what you feel and think. That is the reason that 
 mother " 
 
 He interrupted her quickly. 
 
 " Yes, your mother well she said I was crazy too, 
 because she didn't understand me. No, Thatah," he 
 continued somewhat bitterly, " I am sane, normal, I tell 
 you. Only no one can know what I am going through." 
 
 Noticing that his face at that moment became more 
 pale, she asked him what was wrong. 
 
 There was less strength in his voice as he said : Si I 
 have a continual feeling, Thatah, very odd, as if I were 
 slipping. It's been with me a long while. And though 
 I know it is only the state of my mind, yet I can't help it. 
 I guess I haven't much left." 
 
 " Why, father, you shouldn't talk so. You have your 
 wonderful music." 
 
 " Yes, perhaps I have. But one disassociates their 
 life from their art. At least they should. In my life 
 well, it hasn't been one that ran along brilliant and glow- 
 ing with flame." 
 
 " You feel too intensely, father. Your dreams are so 
 high. No one could expect to reach them." 
 
 " My only dream was for happiness. And that is 
 everybody's right." 
 
 " You were happy in Vienna, weren't you, father? " 
 argued Thatah. 
 
 " Very," he smiled, reminiscently. 
 
 " Well, then, you ought to be happy here. I know 
 you have a lot of friends in the orchestra, and other 
 places." 
 
 Her father laughed a little strangely. " Thatah, 
 listen. Here is a quotation from the great Nietzsche 
 he says : * They all speak of me when they sit around
 
 Hagar Revelly 
 
 their fire in the evening they speak of me, but no one 
 thinketh of me.' Nietzsche knew the world well when he 
 said that." 
 
 Immediately Thatah was aroused. 
 
 "In what book is that, father?" she asked. 
 
 " I am not sure. In * Thus Spake Zarathustra,' I 
 think." 
 
 " You read him, a good deal? " 
 
 " He is my religion. Why, child ? " 
 
 " Oh, I thought he only made people happy." 
 
 " Ah, happy. Nietzsche saw the impossibility of 
 that." 
 
 " But wasn't he happy, with his own philosophy ? " 
 she asked. 
 
 " He was happy, my dear, in his disillusionment." 
 
 Revelly arose now and with much effort went to the 
 bookcase, and took out a book that contained on its front 
 cover, a picture of the author they had been discussing. 
 
 " I don't think that Nietzsche was an unhappy man," 
 he said, as he handed the book to Thatah. " And still 
 when you study his face you see it lined by sorrow. It 
 was because his mind had used his face as a waste tab- 
 let, there to trace its struggles, its doubts, its passions." 
 The professor paused. " He found happiness in knowing 
 that his message was new. 
 
 " After all, no matter how ignorant or intelligent a 
 person is, their happiness depends upon having something 
 that fills their life so completely it blots out everything 
 else. I remember a German student friend of mine in 
 the old Vienna days. His whole life was centred in a 
 certain pride he took in himself because he, of all his 
 neighbors and friends, knew that to walk any great dis- 
 tance without fatigue, one must walk with the knees bent. 
 And he was an interesting sight, stalking about the 
 streets, his knees bent, and a benignant smile covering
 
 Hagar Revelly 113 
 
 his face, as if he, of all the world's inhabitants, knew how 
 to walk. This bit of illusion filled his life and kept him 
 happy. 
 
 " In Nietzsche's case, the man was obsessed by an idea 
 wrought from his intelligence, and he was so wrapped up 
 in the happiness of having it, that, I am sure, he had no 
 time to realize its sadness." 
 
 Thatah suddenly perceived another aspect to his story. 
 
 " Then why aren't you that way, father? " she ques- 
 tioned. 
 
 " I haven't anything to fool me. That is the reason," 
 he answered. " I am starving mentally. And I can't 
 help realizing it." 
 
 Only after many minutes of begging, could Thatah 
 persuade him to turn from his soul-searching mood. But 
 she did succeed, and when they entered the dining-room, 
 she was surprised to see him strangely gay and light- 
 hearted, and to hear him greet each of the boarders with 
 a separate courteous phrase. 
 
 They had for supper that night, what Mrs. Neer called 
 blue-fish. 
 
 "You care for blue-fish, professor?" asked some one 
 at the table as he seated himself. 
 
 " Yes," he answered, " and I fancy that this one's 
 blueness brought him into even greater tragedy." 
 
 Mrs. Neer at the end of the table looked up at his 
 vague remark, and scenting some slur in his speech, she 
 frowned. " You mean it isn't good, Herr professor? " 
 she always used " Herr " when in temper. 
 
 " Oh," he answered, looking around nervously, " I 
 meant simply to say that this fish had some physical dis- 
 order, even more than is shown by his mental state. I 
 should say he was one of those unfortunate creatures 
 that never attracted the attention of other fishes and so 
 grew tough and shrivelled up."
 
 114? 'Hagar Revelly 
 
 A distinct murmur passed around the table, as Revelly 
 went on eating. In that moment even, though Thatah 
 was conscious of the disapproval shown by the other 
 lodgers, she offered up a little prayer of thankfulness 
 that his spirit was lighter again and his mood bantering 
 and playful. It had been a long while since she had seen 
 him this way. 
 
 Then Mr. Samuel, the young man sitting at the side of 
 Thatah, discoursed on a medical subject the crenated 
 red blood cell. " It's this cell that causes all the mischief 
 in pale, anemic women," he began. " My company re- 
 gard * Erythrohydrate ' the new drug they are putting 
 on the market, as a sure cure for this condition." While 
 everyone watched, he traced with his fork a little ragged 
 outline on the table-cloth, showing the appearance of the 
 crenated cell, and entered into a discussion concerning it, 
 which confused very much, the middle-aged poetess. He 
 talked about the women who clung to their maiden modesty 
 with the unceasing efforts of a martyr. 
 
 " Why, that's the trouble with these pale young girls 
 you see all the time," he said, going on to describe an 
 article which told that seventy per cent, of the trouble 
 that bothered women was due to a change in the red 
 blood corpuscles. 
 
 " Our manager is going to quote that article. I tell 
 you it'll bring in the letters of inquiry from the back 
 woods." 
 
 He was exultant and happy in the thought that all 
 were listening to the marvellous words he had only that 
 afternoon memorized from their pamphlet. 
 
 Suddenly he was interrupted by Mrs. Cortello. 
 
 " Don't you think, Mr. Samuels, we had better not dis- 
 cuss medical subjects at the meal hour? " 
 
 The boy blushed maiden-like. " Why, I was only ex-
 
 Hagar Revelly 115 
 
 plaining to Miss to Professor Revelly's daughter, the 
 reason " 
 
 He stopped short, embarrassed to find the different 
 meaning he had taken of their silence. " I'm sorry," he 
 said, and buried himself in another helping of po- 
 tatoes. 
 
 As time went on, Thatah went more resignedly to each 
 meal, though they never ceased to be ordeals. It tore 
 her heart nearly to smile inanely at some remark, or 
 laughingly acquiesce with their judgment. 
 
 " Yes, I quite agree with you," she would always say, 
 finding it the better method to agree ; though no sooner 
 would she reach her room, than her hypocrisy would slap 
 her in the face. Often she wished that something would 
 happen to keep her from ever again being compelled to 
 talk to these people. 
 
 As the winter passed, Thatah, looking back over the 
 months, fancied that she had aged years. It may have 
 been her new independence and resourcefulness that 
 caused this, for now she found herself relying nearly 
 entirely upon her own convictions, and did without any 
 self-questioning whatever seemed in her own eyes to be 
 right. 
 
 Her greatest diversion was found about the opera house. 
 Sometimes, in the late afternoon, when her work was 
 finished, she would wander out into the auditorium anH 
 from some seat in the balconies, would look upon the 
 heavy steel curtain that separated her from the mystic 
 world that lay behind. And then her mind would dwell 
 upon the lives of the people who nightly sang and lost 
 themselves in the glory of their art. She would compare 
 their existence to her own. " How wonderful it must 
 be," she would often say to herself. 
 
 She would think of how these people must feel with
 
 116 Ha gar Revelly 
 
 their names leading the columns of the newspapers. She 
 said as much, one matinee day, when she was talking with 
 a leading singer. 
 
 " Oh, you don't know," the woman answered ; " you 
 don't think of the hard work, the years over in Europe, 
 and the struggles." 
 
 " But a"U that is paid for by your success," Thatah 
 argued. 
 
 " Well," said the singer, " I am thirty-eight now, and 
 all I have to show for it is lonesomeness in my room at 
 the hotel. The only thing to do is to marry when you 
 are young and watch the others be ambitious. Oh, 
 one can't do both." 
 
 Thatah felt she was sincere. " Surely you couldn't be 
 happy, and talk like that," she thought to herself. Yet, 
 somehow, the fascination of what lay back of that steel 
 curtain never left her. 
 
 Spring came, and Thatah found that eight months 
 had passed since the first day she started in the small back 
 office of the opera. She looked at herself one evening 
 in the mirror of a weighing machine at the Grand Central 
 Station, wondering if she had changed. And it was with 
 a prideful chuckle that she admitted herself even more at- 
 tractive. 
 
 She had learned to wear a low-necked shirt-waist, and 
 over it a little piece of point lace that Mile. Frenaud, a 
 singer, had given her, and as she was viewing herself in 
 the narrow chewing-gum mirror, her neck looked rather 
 soft and well molded. It pleased her so much that 
 when she got into the subway train, she walked more 
 gaily down the aisle. " As nice as Hagar's," she re- 
 flected. 
 
 Though the days brought her some satisfaction, the 
 nights at home were always the same; always the usual 
 dreary, deadening conversation in the front parlor, or
 
 Ha gar Revelly 117 
 
 else a mood of her father which made her morbid and rest- 
 less. 
 
 The monotony and mediocrity of the cheap boarding 
 place was galling to her after a day spent amongst her 
 congenial surroundings at the opera. And each day 
 found her resistance growing less and less. 
 
 Once she wondered if they could not get out of their 
 rut by going to some other better place. But when she 
 mentioned this to her father, there was a scene, and he 
 told her that he was not yet out of debt from the past 
 winter, and that they must guard against the dulness of 
 the four summer months, when the orchestra was paid no 
 salary, and when he might not be able to procure a sum- 
 mer position. 
 
 " We must be glad we are alive, my child," he said in 
 the end. 
 
 Those words grew in their proportions for Thatah. 
 Exactly why should she be glad she was alive, if her life 
 held no change in it? And a few days later, when both 
 were given positions for the coming summer, she as a com- 
 panion in a home in the White Mountains, and Revelly 
 with an orchestra in Milwaukee, she was even more un- 
 happy. The sick woman with whom the position had 
 been obtained, offered very little in the way of pleas- 
 ant diversion. 
 
 One evening after the matinee she walked all the way 
 to One Hundred and Forty-third Street, and all she did 
 was to ask herself the question : " Why should I be 
 glad? " She asked it again and again, almost fiercely. 
 
 However, through Graveur's kindness she obtained 
 many diversions, which helped greatly to keep her from 
 being too miserable. 
 
 Noticing that it pleased her to wander about in the 
 atmosphere of celebrities, he called her into the inner 
 office one day. She was aware of his intentions as soon
 
 118 Hagar Revelly 
 
 as she entered the room, for only a few minutes before 
 she had admitted in to Mr. Graveur's presence one of the 
 greatest pianists in the world. 
 
 " Miss Revelly, Herr Voitner has expressed a desire to 
 meet you. I have explained to him how fond you are of 
 music." 
 
 The big man arose at Graveur's words and held out 
 his hand to Thatah. " You must come to my concert 
 to-night in Carnegie Hall, Miss Revelly," he said, in 
 fairly good English. 
 
 And that night she enjoyed her first piano recital 
 by a great artist. Her understanding of music and 
 of the performer seemed to grow with each note. He 
 had such a concise, well defined manner at the piano. 
 His attitude from the very first moment spoke of mastery, 
 and when later in the evening, he played through the 
 intricate unkind movements of a Beethoven sonata, he 
 seemed to have risen above all technical obstacles. Like 
 a giant woodman abroad in some gnarled forest of 
 massive oaks, he attacked the unresponsive passages, as- 
 sailing with vigor their apparent resistance, throwing 
 himself upon his work with an intensity that brought out 
 the individual proportions of every measure. 
 
 It was a wonderful interpretation of the masterpiece, 
 and Thatah sat enwrapped in a trance-like appreciation. 
 
 With nobility and exaltation he played the grandiose 
 opening bars, and yet when the andante movement arrived, 
 there was a subtle ecstasy, a lambent coloring and expres- 
 siveness about his tones that took away all his apparent 
 strength and made of him a gentle shepherd, aloof in 
 the field with his flocks, or a young girl wandering 
 through the shady lanes, gently chirping back the spring 
 melodies that came to her ears. 
 
 Thatah never realized until now what a manly art was 
 this, where for perfection, there must at once be combined
 
 Hagar Revelly 119 
 
 the virility of intelligent manhood with the teniderness 
 and charm of the complete woman. 
 
 It also pleased her immeasurably to watch the re- 
 hearsals. The soldiers marching to mock battle, the 
 turmoil of shifting scenes, the pleading cries of the 
 different orchestra leaders all this interested her 
 greatly. 
 
 One day Mr. Graveur joined her while she was sitting 
 in the front row of the upper balcony. A long streaking 
 light from one of the side windows pointed out to him, her 
 shadowy form, as he came along in the darkness of the 
 auditorium. 
 
 " How are they doing? " he asked, as he came up. 
 
 " Hush ! It's beautiful," she whispered. 
 
 It was the second act of " Butterfly " and their last 
 rehearsal. Everything was in its place, the little cherry^ 
 blossom scenery, the artificial atmosphere shimmering 
 in its golden haze. 
 
 The delicate glory of it affected Thatah, and she sat 
 motionless, and entranced, her hands clasped about her 
 knees. 
 
 " Hedwig is in wonderful voice, again, isn't he? " 
 Graveur remarked, after a time. 
 
 " Wonderful," she murmured. 
 
 Suzuki and Cho-Cho-San were behind the holes in the 
 rice-paper Shosi. The cannon had long ago told of the 
 warship's arrival, and the charming music, so crooning, 
 so well shaded, with its wan, subtle nuance, came up from 
 the orchestra and enveloped them. 
 
 Then Graveur suddenly exclaimed ''" Thatah, I 
 wonder if you ever think what all of this means? " 
 
 She turned around, her glance full of surprise. En- 
 wrapped in the picture on the stage, she had become 
 unaware of his presence. 
 
 Without a word she looked back to the stage, while he
 
 120 Hagar Revelly 
 
 went on, speaking slowly and softly. His dark eyes were 
 shaded by his hands, and as he talked he looked down onto 
 the stage rather than at her. He seemed to realize 
 Thatah's thoughts were full of the impression wrought by 
 the music. 
 
 " I mean that this sort of thing gives me something to 
 think about. The music, the tragedy of Cho-Cho-San 
 all of it, so human, so frail, so inevitable. Do you ever 
 stop and think of the lives of these people on the stage? " 
 
 " I think often," she answered in a whisper. 
 
 " But most people never look back of it, or at the end 
 of it; on one side the yearning, embittering fight when 
 they are young on the other, the end, where the voice 
 fails, and they get too old to convince their audiences. 
 
 " No, I think people go to the opera like passengers 
 ride on a train, never thinking what is back of the singing 
 any more than the passenger considers the engineer or 
 fireman. 
 
 " But they've got to go on just the same, child," he 
 added, returning to his original idea. " Why, sometimes, 
 you can't imagine how affected I become by all this 
 glamour. I come out here and hear some one in the gallery 
 cry his ' Bravo ' or listen to the enthusiastic applause 
 in the boxes and I feel that it is too unhappy a subject 
 to even think about. It's because I know what it all leads 
 to. Unless they are at the top, and we heed them, even 
 after their voices have failed, half of these people 
 now singing for us find their places soon taken by 
 some younger, fresher voice. Then where do they go? 
 They begin pleading with the management, the direct- 
 ors and if they haven't protected themselves in a finan- 
 cial way, they find it is all past with them. And they may 
 have sacrificed everything else in life for their ambition." 
 
 " Age is a rotten thing, isn't it? " said Thatah, as she 
 looked up. " But I believe you are a little blue to-day."
 
 Hagar Revelly 121 
 
 He smiled faintly. " No, I am really not, child. Just 
 reminiscent, and thinking about myself." 
 
 " You should be strong, though, and not talk so," 
 Thatah said, her big eyes filled with an expression of 
 pity. 
 
 " One cannot help thinking sometimes." 
 
 "About what? " 
 
 " Oh, age " 
 
 " Which is very bad for one, dear man yet age could 
 be beautiful," she added as an afterthought, " if it 
 brought much to us." 
 
 " Most often we only become older. That is about all 
 there is to it." He arose from his seat. " This is one 
 of my bad days, I guess," he said, ready to make his way 
 off in the darkness. 
 
 Down on the stage, the voices were blending for the 
 finale. Butterfly had pierced herself with her father's 
 inscription-covered sword; the orchestra's wailing lamen- 
 tation was crowning the pathetic story. Soon the cur- 
 tain descended. 
 
 " I'll go with you," said Thatah. 
 
 When they reached the office she said directly : " Why 
 are you so strange? You confide in me and let me know 
 all your weaknesses." She gave an odd little toss of her 
 head, and even gently touched his arm, " And you are so 
 important and dignified with everyone else. Why are you 
 this way with me ? " 
 
 Graveur took her hand and held it tightly between his 
 own. " Because I like you, Thatah. It is only not quite 
 right, because you are not fond of me. But an old man 
 like me shouldn't ask that, I suppose." 
 
 " I am very fond of you, Mr. Graveur." 
 
 " Not fond enough " 
 
 Thatah suddenly became rather serious. " I wish you 
 wouldn't say such things," she said. " You make it so
 
 Hagar Revelly 
 
 hard for me. I am fond of you. But I am too insignif- 
 icant in the make-up of things to deserve your caring for 
 me. And then I am so selfish, so terribly selfish, and that 
 is the trouble. I want something that I can't describe. 
 It is something greater, something more powerful than 
 what I feel with you." She turned away from him and 
 her voice became more wistful. " Yes, that's what worries 
 me worries me all the time. You are so kind, so 
 gracious, but I don't feel for you what I want to feel. 
 That's it. And I couldn't make myself try, because then 
 I would be lying to both of us. Oh, you do understand, 
 don't you? " 
 
 He smiled a little gravely as he listened to her words. 
 
 " You're queer, so queer, little Thatah." 
 
 *' I know it, ; she replied directly. " Yet I'm willing to 
 keep on going through so many miserable things, just for 
 the end." For an instant she seemed intensely interested, 
 then said decisively: 
 
 " I'll tell you why it is. It's because there doesn't seem 
 anything else worth living for but just that thing, what- 
 ever it is, that it is worth while having at the end." 
 
 " Ah, you are wrong, Thatah. You will learn differ- 
 ently some day. You are young now and you dare any- 
 thing. But you will find that this love thing that every- 
 one talks so much about, is only a phantom, a grotesque, 
 turgid fancy, that fools every one at least once and then 
 makes them bitter for life. I believe there is only one 
 kind of relationship. It is where there is regard in the 
 place of yearning, sacrifice in the place of craving. 
 
 " I mean friendship," he emphasized. " It's friend- 
 ship that is the biggest thing in life. Why it is much 
 more difficult than love. And it is greater too, because 
 in friendship you give instead of get. And it is more 
 wonderful than love, because it is more fragile. Love you 
 can pull asunder, slap it and tear it to pieces and yet feel
 
 that you have it still with you. But I'll tell you the 
 truth. You think you have it because in reality you 
 never have it; it is like other intangible, mystical things 
 like anything which is a product of the imagination. 
 
 " But friendship is so different. It is a thing that you 
 can even see, feel because it is built on real material, 
 because you have created it. It is glorious because it is 
 something that gives constant pleasure, because it is so 
 sure and quieting, and never a bit crazy like this thing 
 they call love." 
 
 While Thatah was held fascinated by his odd, wonder- 
 ful manner of talking he told her of a case in the opera, 
 where a leading soprano had met a man in Paris, and 
 after a few days, had married him. 
 
 " The man loved life for what he took out of it," con- 
 tinued Graveur, " and when he met this woman, he pictured 
 in her, a gifted, beautiful companion for his restaurant 
 and boulevard day. And she pictured him as a loving 
 companion who would comfort her and lift her out of her 
 lonesomeness. They married deeply in love, and I 
 remember, were very hysterical about it. 
 
 " And now, after only three months, these people are 
 living their lonely lives again, separated from each other, 
 and she is getting a divorce with his consent. Why ? Well, 
 because they married for love, selfishness. She wanted 
 him to be her companion and get out of him what she had 
 pictured, and he wanted to get out of her what he had 
 pictured. They wanted different things, but they wanted 
 to get those things out of the other. She was domestic 
 and retiring while he was gay. But they were both 
 selfish, they wanted to get instead of give to each other. 
 Now, just because they can't get out of each other exactly 
 what they had planned, they are separated. Yet they 
 called it love." 
 
 The talk that afternoon aroused Thatah more than any
 
 Hagar Revelly 
 
 other conversation they had ever had together. He had 
 so unfolded himself and had made himself so sincere and 
 kindly that she was more affected by him than ever before. 
 
 That night she sat in her little room, thinking, recapit- 
 ulating. A dozen times she nearly decided that it would 
 be wonderful to live with this quiet, passive man. 
 
 She wondered why it was she couldn't feel in the right 
 way for him. It was so nice to talk to him, to hear his 
 soft words. Yet the moment he touched her, something 
 in her being seemed to demand release. It was strange, 
 inexplicable. 
 
 " Oh, if I only knew what it was I really wanted," she 
 begged of herself. 
 
 From that time she began to study her own desires 
 more. 
 
 Often she looked through the little grated window of 
 the ticket office onto the crowd of gaily laughing girls, 
 quite her age, who came through the lobby decked in their 
 magnificent gowns. It would end in her being over- 
 whelmed by her own realizations. She would say to her- 
 self : " They don't understand, they don't know. But 
 look how happy they are." 
 
 Once her little rebellion ended by her going back into 
 the cloak room and in purposeless fashion fiercely scrub- 
 bing her hands. She didn't know why she should scrub 
 her hands at that moment, other than that she must do 
 something to distract her attention. And she murmured 
 a half dozen times to the bare walls, " They don't under- 
 stand, they don't understand." 
 
 Thatah was no longer tranquil and resigned these days. 
 Like the hunter in the forest who watches the horizon for 
 the rising sun to guide him, she kept seeking in the 
 distance for understanding and the fulfilment of her 
 ambition. 
 
 At times she believed that it would never be different
 
 Hagar Revelly 125 
 
 for her, and once, when she was very tired, she was on the 
 point of deciding that she must estrange all of her yearn- 
 ings and beliefs. However, at the end, she stayed close 
 to her resolutions, and her belief that the ideal realization 
 was something that came through the emotions, real and 
 unconfmed, never forsook her. She forgot all other argu- 
 ments, forgot the chance of years slipping by, or the 
 futility of her quest. She was only sure that she could 
 never give up to circumstances. There were days when 
 she was aware that the future might bring anguish, disap- 
 pointment, sorrow. But if she tried to be more normal, 
 and went out with people, and listened to their inane con- 
 versation, and observed their petty demands of life, she 
 came home always terribly bored, and feeling that she was 
 surely right in wanting something more of life. * 
 
 One evening, in early December, everything was so 
 monotonous she finally gave in to young Mr. Samuel's 
 wish that she accompany him to a theatre. 
 
 That night, however, just as they were leaving, her 
 father had a sinking spell and they all stood around the 
 bed until two o'clock in the morning. 
 
 After that Thatah never left him in the evening.
 
 CHAPTER XII 
 
 HAGAR continued along the path of her new life with an 
 ever-increasing interest. 
 
 There was much to occupy her mind. 
 
 Little by little, Greenfield made her understand that he 
 was deeply interested in her, in one way or another exert- 
 ing himself to please her. 
 
 When the cold, sadder days in November came on, he 
 arranged for her purchase of a little fur collarette on an 
 instalment basis and one day, when a sudden sleet storm 
 had come on, he sent down to her an umbrella. 
 
 In response to a message from him one evening, Hagar 
 went up to his office after the store was closed. It was 
 well past six, and two others ahead of her made it nearly 
 seven before she was able to see him. 
 
 But she waited patiently and when he shook hands with 
 her and asked her to sit down for a moment, while he 
 straightened out an affair that was worrying him, she was 
 inwardly pleased, and rather happy at the thought that 
 he should want to get everything finished before he dealt 
 with her. She sat quietly at the side of his desk, noticing 
 his pink, well-groomed nails, the careful appearance of his 
 shoes and their up-to-date shape, his well-creased grey 
 trousers. Sitting there, she recollected how different 
 Herrick's hand-clasp was from this man's. When Mr. 
 Greenfield took her hand, he was not rough, but gentle, 
 and did not squeeze her hand till it hurt. Mr. Greenfield 
 gave only the faintest pressure. 
 
 " I wanted you to stop in, Miss Revelly," the manager 
 
 began, " as I have some really good news for you. We 
 
 126
 
 Hagar Revelly 127 
 
 have decided to create the position of guide in this store. 
 By this we mean some person, some young lady, who will be 
 well dressed and who will show our country trade, all the 
 different departments. It will be up to you yes, I have 
 selected you to gain a knowledge of all the different 
 features, like the babies' checking room on the third floor, 
 or the lounging room for people who are tired or ill and 
 want to recline." 
 
 He went on in a measured voice : " This position has 
 been given to you, of course through my direction, and I 
 am awfully glad to see you have it." 
 
 A kindly smile lined his face as he looked up. " I 
 suppose you have no objections? " 
 
 " Why, I I am so pleased, Mr. Greenfield, I hardly 
 know what to say," she faltered. 
 
 He noticed how bewildered she had become. An ex- 
 pression half shrewd, half pitying, stole across his 
 face. Then he resumed his former, businesslike tone. 
 
 " The salary is twelve dollars a week, Miss Revelly, 
 and will start on the coming Monday. You will be 
 ready ? " 
 
 " Oh, of course," she replied, eagerly. 
 
 He went on to tell her a few more things about the 
 position. " You'll have to wear a black silk dress of good 
 quality, like the models in the cloak department. Only be 
 sure to put in some small piece of white lace about the 
 collar and cuffs." 
 
 Hagar's face changed expression at this remark, and 
 divining her thoughts, he told her that if she hadn't the 
 money to get this dress at present, she should go into the 
 dressmaking department and order it, and have Mrs. 
 Wheeler, the head-lady, call him up over the telephone. 
 
 Hagar volunteered the suggestion that she pay a few 
 idollars down each week, but he laughed very cordially and 
 said: " I'll fix that end of it all right."
 
 128 Hagar Revelly 
 
 " But I don't think it's right," she insisted. 
 
 He gently patted her hands. " You mustn't worry 
 about that." 
 
 Taking up her little black leather purse she arose just 
 as he was looking at his watch. It had become quite dark 
 by this time and the distant tramping of the janitor as 
 he shut the heavy fireproof doors between each section of 
 the store, resounded throughout the building. 
 
 " Pshaw," he exclaimed, " I didn't know I was keeping 
 you so late, Miss Revelly. I'm sorry. Where do you 
 live?" 
 
 His manner was sincere and she told him without a 
 thought. 
 
 Then he looked at his watch again, and seemed to be 
 undecided, starting to propose something, then hesitating, 
 and at last, as if arguing with himself, saying: "Well, 
 it doesn't make any difference with me as I eat down town 
 anyway, but I hate to think about you going home alone, 
 Miss Revelly. I'll tell you what " the idea appeared 
 to please him immensely " we'll just drop in some place 
 and get a bite and I'll put you in a taxi. It's all my 
 fault." 
 
 To Hagar this seemed the greatest goodness. That 
 this important man should inconvenience himself for her, 
 seemed too much to accept without some protestation. 
 
 She exclaimed : " Oh, no, Mr. Greenfield, I couldn't 
 think of it. You've been so good already and really, I 
 don't mind going home alone. I only live two blocks from 
 the subway." 
 
 But Greenfield had on his hat and coat. " I couldn't 
 allow you to go alone," he said authoritatively ; " it is a 
 good thing I thought of it." 
 
 His words were so firmly and decisively spoken Hagar 
 offered no more resistance, but fell in quietly with his 
 plans.
 
 Hagar Revelly 129 
 
 Going down the elevator with him, she was conscious of 
 a certain pride and as she passed the counter where she 
 had worked all afternoon she had a queer little feeling of 
 exultation. She was no longer a saleslady. 
 
 In the street, they could not decide where to dine and at 
 last, after perceiving that Hagar knew nothing at all 
 about the restaurant life in New York, Greenfield men- 
 tioned the name of an Italian restaurant on Twenty-fifth 
 Street. 
 
 " It's a quiet place and you'll like it," he told her with 
 enthusiasm. " They have great music there, too. Do 
 you care for music ? " 
 
 " Oh, I like it some, but I get tired of hearing too much 
 of it. My father," she faltered somewhat, " was a 
 musician." 
 
 " It's funny you didn't take it up then," he suggested. 
 
 " Oh, we got so tired hearing it. We had too much of 
 it, I guess." 
 
 As they walked along it seemed to Hagar that his at- 
 tention was not at all upon their little jaunt, for he walked 
 along silently, and every few steps turned around to look 
 up the street. 
 
 " It's pretty rough over here on Sixth Avenue, about 
 this time of night," he said, becoming aware that she was 
 observing him. " So if you see anything that isn't just 
 right, shut your eyes." 
 
 A little further on they turned into a side street and 
 then went up the steps of an old brick building where the 
 sign J. GALOZZO swung out alluringly over their 
 heads. 
 
 " You'll like it here a lot," he said. " There seems to 
 be a lot more people here than usual, but I guess you don't 
 mind it's being noisy, do you? " 
 
 " Oh, no," she answered. 
 
 Her eyes swept past the rows of white tables onto the
 
 130 Hagar Revelly 
 
 blue-coated musicians who were playing on a raised plat- 
 form in the middle of the room. And when he stood off 
 to arrange for a table, she thought how solicitous and pro- 
 tecting he was, and how sadly Mr. Herrick, who was 
 always thirsting for adventure, fell away by comparison. 
 She remembered how the boy had wanted her to go 
 " slumming " the very first night they were together. 
 " I'll show you all kinds of things you never saw or heard 
 of before," he had pleaded, and was angry with her when 
 she hesitated. This man was so good, so fatherly, 
 so gentle with her. 
 
 They had a very nice dinner, with a great many 
 courses, and out of a long bottle Greenfield poured a thin, 
 red wine. He asked Hagar if she would have some on a 
 lump of sugar. 
 
 " I never drink anything," she asserted. 
 
 " Fm glad to hear that," said he instantly. " I don't 
 think girls your age ought to even think of it, though 
 many of them do. At least, they shouldn't drink in these 
 public places." 
 
 However, he drank part of his glass of wine, and ap- 
 peared to like it. When the dinner was over, he ordered 
 an amber colored liquor, which he said was Benedictine. 
 " It isn't intoxicating at all," he told her. " You can 
 drink that all right." 
 
 Hagar liked the place and its joviality immensely. 
 Their table was in a sort of trellised alcove, and was away 
 from the crowd. The gauzy red shades over the table 
 lights threw a soft, warm glow on their faces, and matched 
 up with the sentimental, languorous music of the orches- 
 tra, while the liquor made her feel warm and restful. As 
 she looked across the table to Greenfield, she showed that 
 she was happy and pleased. 
 
 Greenfield was playing with two lumps of sugar, which 
 he had marked with black dots.
 
 Hagar Revelly 131 
 
 " I'll match you," he said, " to see whether you go right 
 home or stay and listen to the music for another half 
 hour." 
 
 " Why, I'll be glad to stay," she protested. 
 
 Since she felt that way, it seemed to her useless to put 
 the question to chance, but he insisted and she took the 
 little cakes of sugar and shook them in her hand in the 
 manner he showed her. 
 
 She threw ten, and he told her she'd won, adding: 
 " It's no use for me to throw. I never could beat that. 
 I guess we'll have to stay." 
 
 Hagar shook the little dice again. " Isn't that great 
 fun ! " she cried, as they rolled between the plates on the 
 table. 
 
 " That's what they call dice it's a gambling game, 
 if you play it right." 
 
 "With lumps of sugar like that?" She was much 
 interested. " Oh, show me," she begged. 
 
 Greenfield explained to her the rules of the game and 
 the material out of which dice were made. " But, it's a 
 man's game and little girls must not know about it," he 
 went on. As he spoke, he dropped the little cakes into his 
 wine glass. " Some people's money melts away just like 
 that when they play," he added. 
 
 At that moment, a stout Italian lady, in a fine, full- 
 bodied Broadway accent, began singing a popular melody. 
 When she reached the chorus, everyone joined in, whistling 
 or singing. 
 
 " They have a pretty good time here, don't they ? " 
 Greenfield asked. 
 
 " I should say," she answered, with her eyes beam- 
 ing. 
 
 Presently Hagar observed a couple across the room. 
 The man looked to be older than Mr. Greenfield, about 
 forty-rive, she thought, and wore a red tie with a big,
 
 132 Hagar Revelly 
 
 sparkling pin in it. The girl with him was about her own 
 age. 
 
 For a long time Hagar sat silently observing them, 
 then her interest became more aroused when she saw the 
 girl search for her handkerchief, and lift it to her eyes. 
 
 " I wonder what is the matter with them," Hagar ex- 
 claimed, pointing out the pair to Greenfield. 
 
 " Oh, I guess they're lovers." Greenfield gave a sly 
 wink to the waiter, who at that moment was presenting 
 the bill. 
 
 " I'll bet something has happened at home, and 
 that they are just coming here to try and drown their 
 sorrow." 
 
 The waiter brought back the change, and she saw 
 Greenfield slip a half dollar piece to him. Apparently he 
 tried to do it so that she could not see the money, but 
 the coin slipped from his hand just as he was pushing it 
 under a plate. 
 
 They were seated in the taxi, when she said rather 
 sadly : " You spend a lot of money on me, Mr. Green- 
 field. I don't quite know how to thank you." 
 
 " Oh, that's nothing." 
 
 There was a smile on Greenfield's face and an expression 
 in his voice that said he would like to spend a great deal 
 more. 
 
 " Some day we will go to a really decent place and get 
 a square meal," he told her. 
 
 They were at her front door in what seemed to Hagar 
 a surprisingly short time. Greenfield took the key from 
 her and turned the lock, but he skipped back into the cab 
 before she had a chance to say a word of the little speech 
 composed to thank him. 
 
 All he said was, as he rushed down the steps : " Take 
 care of yourself, little girl." 
 
 Until the flickering lamp at the back of the automobile
 
 Hagar Revelly 133 
 
 (disappeared into the night, she stood in the front ves- 
 tibule, thinking what a nice man he was. 
 
 Then she went upstairs to her room. So early in the 
 evening sleep was an impossibility, and she busied herself 
 with putting back the ribbons into some newly returned 
 laundry and then arranging it in the drawers of the 
 dresser, the clean linen in one drawer and the little odd- 
 ments, like bits of lace, a pair of white linen cuffs, and 
 some handkerchiefs, in another. In her mind buzzed con- 
 tinually the fragments of the Italian lady's ragtime song, 
 mingled with thoughts of Greenfield and his kindness to 
 her. 
 
 She was still sitting on the edge of the bed, thinking in 
 a peaceful kind of reverie, when she heard a knock on 
 the door. It came so suddenly, she was a good deal 
 frightened. 
 
 "Who's there?" she called. 
 
 " It's me, Queolla LaMotte." 
 
 It was the chorus lady who lived in the big front room 
 on the floor above. 
 
 " Golly, Miss Revelly," she exclaimed. " What are you 
 doing up so late? It's nearly two o'clock." 
 
 " Why, I didn't know it was so late." Hagar pushed 
 out a rocker to the girl. " Oh, won't you sit down ? " 
 
 " Sure, but I'll just stay a minute. I saw your light 
 burning and I didn't know but what you were sick or some- 
 thing. You're always in bed, or rather it's always dark 
 in here when I come home." 
 
 She placed on the white cover a great bouquet of roses, 
 saying : " I've certainly had a funny time to-night. 
 Yes, I've had a funny time." 
 
 In vivid fashion she told how she had arranged with the 
 chauffeur of the taxi that he should give her a free ride 
 some night. 
 
 *' All I had to do was to run up a big fare. And I
 
 134 Hagar Revelly 
 
 certainly did. I kept him going for hours after we left 
 the Lafayette. It cost my rich friend exactly eleven 
 dollars and seventy cents. I saw the metre." 
 
 Turning to her purse she took out a cigarette. " It's 
 a free ride next Sunday," she explained between puffs, 
 " or I'll know why. We can go together if you want 
 to." 
 
 For a time the girl continued smoking, taking deep 
 inhalations and then blowing the smoke in a fine stream 
 across the yellow flame from the gas jet. 
 
 There was a moment of meditation, accompanied by a 
 wrinkling of her brows. Then she began again. 
 
 " Say, Miss Revelly, I've been watching you. You're 
 too quiet and sort of sad. What's the matter? I was 
 going to ask you the other day, then I told myself it was 
 none of my business, and so I let you alone. * Don't butt 
 into her affairs,' I said to myself. ' Supposing she has 
 got her troubles.' But now that we're together, maybe 
 you can tell me? " 
 
 She leaned over, saying in a whisper, " I believe you're 
 hanging around that old maid Gillespie too much. You 
 leave her alone. You don't know her the way I do. Why 
 she gets on the worst periodicals, you can't imagine." 
 
 " Why, I don't know what you mean ! " 
 
 " I mean she gets drunk, soused about every three 
 months. She drinks like a fish. They last for two or 
 three days at a time, too. Oh, we all know about it. If 
 you're here long enough you'll see." 
 
 In Miss Gillespie, Hagar had found her only real woman 
 friend. Night after night they had sat together, the 
 older woman showing her how to mend her clothes, darn 
 her stockings. More like a mother had been this good 
 woman. 
 
 Hagar could not believe the girl's rash statement. 
 But she controlled herself. She had learned the value of
 
 Ha gar Revelly 135 
 
 silence, and only choked the words that came into her 
 mouth. 
 
 The chorus girl went on : " Yes, you're too quiet. 
 You don't go out enough. Why, you're a fool, a beauty 
 like you. I wish I had your looks." The pencilled brows 
 drew together. " Yes, I could do a lot, with a face like 
 yours." 
 
 Half to herself, Miss LaMotte continued, " They're 
 all next to me. I haven't got the innocent stare, you 
 know." 
 
 Hagar moved nervously into a chair near the window. 
 
 Observing Hagar's restlessness, the chorus girl said: 
 " You certainly are nervous, aren't you? But maybe you 
 want me to go." 
 
 " Oh, no, please go on," Hagar answered, trying to 
 hide her weariness. 
 
 "Well, what was I going to say? Oh, yes " Now 
 came a rapid fire argument against being good. " You're 
 a fool. But you'll come around. I was that way before 
 I got wise used to buy silk stockings, and starve on 
 eighteen per week before I got on to the ropes. Yes, 
 I had a hard time of it, too." There was a sigh of rem- 
 iniscence in her voice. 
 
 " Then I met him ; the fellow I'm telling you about. 
 And I've stuck to him for two years now." She yawned. 
 " But I'm getting tired of him, though he is a perfect 
 cinch. He's in the brokerage business, afraid he's getting 
 old too quick wants me to prove it to him. But I am 
 getting pretty tired of my job. 
 
 " Why, he's beginning to make love, real love to me. 
 Now what do you know about that, after two years ? " 
 She made a gesture of disgust by drawing up her lip and 
 nose. " He's so funny. I came near laughing in his face 
 to-night. He told me how he'd lost his wife and how they 
 never had any children, and now she lives in his memory.
 
 186 Hagar Revelly 
 
 Why I tell you he's a perfect fool, my dear. He says 
 that he has discovered all of a sudden, that I look like her. 
 She must have been a peach." 
 
 " I should think that would please you," Hagar inter- 
 rupted. 
 
 " Oh, no, I'm all past that stage. I get so tired of it. 
 Sometimes, you wouldn't believe how I feel. Why, I'd 
 give anything on earth to know I was going to have a 
 date with some fellow I wanted you know what I 
 mean some fellow that would drive me crazy nearly 
 when he'd just put his arms around me and kiss me. But 
 I guess I've got to keep on seeing this guy. He's got the 
 money." 
 
 Noticing the passing of time, the girl became con- 
 fidential, talking in nearly a whisper, so that Miss Gil- 
 lespie in the next room, would not hear. And Hagar 
 listened. The words came to her like some distant, far- 
 away echo, the echo to her own troubled thoughts. 
 
 She began to feel that something buried in her was 
 taking form. At the store, she had heard the girls talk 
 of strange subjects, veiled ami clothed by mystery, had 
 seen them happy and sad over this great thing that seemed 
 on every lip, and she had wondered why it was that she 
 could not learn of life in the way the rest learned. 
 
 The impenetrable depths of understanding deep down 
 in her were beginning to take on life. 
 
 Listening to the frank open conversation, with her eyes 
 wide open and her lips apart, she found strange thoughts 
 being worded, new impulses becoming impregnated within 
 her. 
 
 Hagar's first question of Miss LaMotte came strangely 
 easy, even though she was nervous and shaky. " Tell me, 
 Miss LaMotte do you do you live with this man, and 
 does he give you things, like money and clothes?" she 
 asked.
 
 Hagar Revelly 137 
 
 The girl viewed her curiously, murmuring, " Well, I 
 will are you fooling? Or are you just " 
 
 Hagar went over to her and put her hand on the girl's 
 arm. " I just want to know, Miss LaMotte," she said, 
 rather frightened at the look that had come into the girl's 
 eyes. " Really, I don't know anything about those 
 things." 
 
 "You don't know?" 
 
 " No, honestly " 
 
 " Well, I will " 
 
 " Please." 
 
 The other soon came to understand Hagar's utter 
 innocence. 
 
 " I wouldn't have believed it," Queolla said, over and 
 over again. 
 
 Hagar explained further. " I'm really not fooling. 
 I just want to know. Everybody talks about it so much, 
 all the girls at the store seem to think of nothing else, and 
 I just have to listen and keep my mouth shut for fear 
 they'll find out how little I know. Please tell me." 
 
 Then, the girl believed her, and told her a dozen little 
 episodes, some frankly avowing her wrong, others more 
 light in nature, which told of narrow escapes with really 
 common men, who covered up their meanness by good 
 clothes. She told one story of a deep regret, of a long 
 continued game with a good man who loved her, saying 
 unconsciously, " I made my mistake then." 
 
 They talked on, Hagar eager and frightened, Queolla 
 proud and happy because she had found someone who 
 would listen and yet not disbelieve her. 
 
 Before she left, she asked Hagar some questions in turn. 
 
 " How old are you, dear? " 
 
 Hagar answered that she was past sixteen. 
 
 The girl exclaimed: " And you don't go out, just stay 
 in this room all the time? Why, it's a wonder you don't
 
 138 Hagar Revelly 
 
 go crazy. Yes, you will go crazy if you keep it up. But 
 you leave it to me." As she went out, she whispered: 
 " I wouldn't have believed it. I thought you had some 
 affair, some real love aifair, and I just let you alone. 
 That's the reason I thought you were standing it. I 
 thought maybe you were blue about some fellow. 
 
 " Why," she hesitated, " once I came near making you 
 tell me, because I thought you were in trouble. You 
 know what I mean, and that I could help you out. And 
 you only stood it all this time because because you 
 didn't know ! I wouldn't have believed it, dear ! " 
 
 The faint light of dawn was coming through the green 
 window shades when Miss LaMotte left and Hagar turned 
 out the gas and tumbled into bed. 
 
 At breakfast Miss Gillespie said to Hagar, in a ques- 
 tioning manner: 
 
 " What are those circles doing under your eyes, 
 Hagar?" 
 
 Then Miss Gillespie called her into the hall and said in 
 a quiet, kind way, " Don't think I want to interfere, child, 
 but I heard you and Miss LaMotte until early this morn- 
 ing and I'm not going to let you forget the couple of 
 things that I've taught you. I want you to know that 
 she is a fool who is surely going to get burned some day 
 for playing with the flame." 
 
 Then she walked away, leaving Hagar leaning against 
 the wall motionless with surprise. 
 
 At the store that day business was rather quiet, and at 
 noon Hagar felt so worried and restless, she took ad- 
 vantage of the lunch hour to go up to her mother's house, 
 and tell her of the new position. 
 
 On the following Monday Hagar was initiated into the 
 requirements of her new occupation, and by the middle of 
 the week she felt quite at home. 
 
 The work was not arduous, and there were hours at a
 
 Hagar Revelly 139 
 
 time when she had nothing at all to do. This, however, 
 did not trouble her she was not over-industrious 
 while her vanity gloried in the promotion, she felt herself 
 in quite a different class from the ordinary sales-girl, and 
 before she had been in her new position a month, she could 
 swing past her old place at the shirt-waist counter in 
 department " D " without even being conscious that she 
 had once worked back of the piles of boxes and muslins.
 
 CHAPTER XIII 
 
 HAGAR'S new position made it necessary for her to see 
 Benjamin Greenfield more often than before. And she 
 understood quite well now that he was fond of her. 
 
 During this period they had many delightful suppers 
 together. They never, however, went to the theatre. 
 
 One night, when he was on the point of taking her to 
 a musical show, he had suddenly stopped and explained to 
 her quite frankly that it wasn't a good idea for them to be 
 seen together publicly. He told her they might very easily 
 in this manner run into someone from the store. 
 
 " I know that I don't have to ask you whether you 
 understand," he said. 
 
 " Of course, I understand, Mr. Greenfield," she told 
 him in reply, thinking more of him for being so careful 
 about his business. 
 
 Often Hagar wondered why she saw so little of Herrick 
 now, though she did remember that she had not been able 
 to treat him as nicely as she wished, since Mr. Greenfield 
 had been taking her around. 
 
 As the days went by she began to have a certain insight, 
 a really intelligent understanding, of the great city and 
 its mingled vices; this monstrous pool where only money 
 was a protection against inundation. She began to 
 understand people by the color of their skin or the look 
 in their eyes, or by the way they talked. 
 
 One day in early January, just after the holiday rush 
 had worn all of them at Rheinchild's, thin and exhausted, 
 
 she was the witness of something that sorrowed her and 
 
 140
 
 Hagar Revelly 141 
 
 strained just a little more, the thin filaments that held her 
 innocent and believing. 
 
 Miss Gillespie had complained of being sick all morn- 
 ing and at noon had left the store. Hagar saw nothing 
 unusual in this until she was leaving the supper table that 
 evening, when Queolla LaMotte whispered across to her, 
 " Miss G. is at it again. I told you." 
 
 Hagar was not quite certain of the real meaning of this 
 until she reached her room. Then she stood upright, 
 straight as a rod and listened; from some place, as if 
 carried by the wind, that was whistling and bellowing out- 
 side like a scared herd of swine, she heard long, muffled 
 moans. 
 
 Listening again, a little frightened, she heard coming 
 from somewhere near another faint, stifled, yet audible 
 groan. She was sure now that some one in the next room 
 was in pain. 
 
 Opening the door she rushed out into the hall, cry- 
 ing to herself "It's Miss Gillespie It's Miss Gil- 
 lespie ! " 
 
 For just a moment she stood still, and then, without 
 knocking, she ran into the woman's room. 
 
 The sight that met Hagar's eyes frightened her incon- 
 ceivably. Stretched taut on the bed lay Miss Gillespie, 
 part of the bed-clothes over her, while the rest lay in a 
 bedraggled heap on the floor. Her hair was loose, and 
 hanging down dishevelled, over her partly bared shoulders. 
 Her face was buried in the bedding, and just under the 
 shadow of the bed's edge stood a black, half-filled whiskey 
 bottle. 
 
 For an instant Hagar stood with her back against 
 the door in ghastly fright. Then a sense of duty over- 
 came her horror, and though trembling in body and mind, 
 she went over and pulled the woman back on to the bed, 
 and covered with the quilt the bared arms and bosom.
 
 Hagar Revelly 
 
 Then Hagar opened the tightly closed window, as there 
 was a nasty smell of stale air and alcohol in the room. 
 
 The cold, clear air seemed to invigorate the drugged 
 senses of Miss Gillespie. In a moment she began again 
 to moan pitifully. Then her eyes opened, and she tried to 
 moisten her parched lips. 
 
 " Oh, I didn't want you to see me," she groaned. " Who 
 told you? Why did you find out? " She covered her 
 face with her arms now as if ashamed that the little girl 
 to whom she had given the best that was in her, should find 
 her in this condition. 
 
 Hagar answered : " Don't worry, Miss Gillespie. It's 
 all right. You're sick and I'll stay by you." 
 
 " Sick, yes drunk I am again. Oh, my God ! " 
 
 Fearing that the woman would see the liquor bottle, 
 Hagar pushed it with her foot, further under the bed, 
 saying at the same time, " You'll be all right, Miss Gil- 
 lespie, just keep quiet." 
 
 The woman turned over on her side, and after a period 
 of watching, Hagar arose and taking the black bottle un- 
 der her jacket, stole back to her room. 
 
 In the hallway she met two of the boarders. 
 
 " Is Miss Gillespie sick? " one asked with a suppressed 
 chuckle. 
 
 " Yes, but she'll be all right before long," replied 
 Hagar, with all the dignity she could muster. 
 
 After hiding the bottle under the mattress of her bed, 
 Hagar went back to continue her watch. At midnight 
 the moaning began again, but it was apparently a deliri- 
 ous dream and Hagar had only to pull the covers back 
 on the bed and open the windows a little more. But it 
 was three o'clock before she dared to leave the room, and 
 at seven o'clock she was again up and dressed. 
 
 Not knowing whether to disturb the sick woman, she
 
 Hagar Revelly 143 
 
 tried tapping lightly on the wall, feeling that this would 
 not awaken her should she be asleep ; at the same time 
 she said softly, " How are you, Miss Gillespie? " 
 
 There was a swishing of clothes and the movement of 
 feet, and then a worn voice against the wall, " Better, 
 dearie ; come in, won't you ? " 
 
 " Are you really better, Miss Gillespie? " Hagar called 
 back anxiously. 
 
 " Yes, child. Come in." 
 
 After Hagar had gained the room the woman asked, in 
 a feeble voice, if she would do her a favor. 
 
 "What is it? " begged Hagar. 
 
 " Take the bottle and " she laughed faintly as 
 Hagar grew pale, " throw it in the alley on your way to 
 the store." 
 
 " You leave that to me," said Hagar. 
 
 There were enough evidences, to Hagar, of the ordeal 
 through which Miss Gillespie had passed. The eyelids 
 were red and swollen, face puffed, and her hands trem- 
 bled and twitched constantly. 
 
 Seeing Hagar observe her, Miss Gillespie began to 
 speak in a voice that showed even more the effects of her 
 struggle. 
 
 " I didn't want you to know, Hagar," she half moaned. 
 " No, I didn't want you to know. Oh, I'm so sorry, so 
 sorry." Her voice gained more strength as she went on. 
 " But maybe it will teach you something, Hagar. If I 
 had always stayed the way you are now, you wouldn't 
 see me here like this." 
 
 Hagar sat down on the edge of the bed and Miss Gilles- 
 pie took hold of the little hands with her own trembling 
 fingers. 
 
 " You are good to me, dear," suddenly exclaimed the 
 woman.
 
 144 Hagar Revelly 
 
 " You've been good to me, Miss Gillespie," replied 
 Hagar. 
 
 " Yes, but you will have everyone good to you, child. 
 They don't think of me any more." 
 
 " Please don't talk that way." 
 
 The older woman sat upright in bed while the greenish 
 shade threw a sickening light upon her face and empha- 
 sized the deep pallor. 
 
 " I know what you will think of me, dear," she began. 
 " You may have a more innocent mind and a bigger heart, 
 but you will think like the rest of them. Nearly every- 
 body is alike, only some don't like to find themselves 
 thinking the things they do." 
 
 She stopped to press her palms against her throbbing 
 temples. 
 
 " Yes, kiddie, there is only about four drinks difference 
 between a good woman and a bad woman. But those 
 four drinks are pretty important when people have a 
 chance to think hard about somebody else." 
 
 " Can't I get you a cold towel ? " begged Hagar. 
 
 " No, I'm all right," sighed Miss Gillespie. 
 
 Under Hagar's sympathy, Miss Gillespie improved 
 rapidly, and when Hagar returned from breakfast the 
 woman had fallen off into her first healthy sleep. 
 
 Hagar was surprised to see Miss Gillespie come into 
 the store about four o'clock that afternoon, and it made 
 her nearly want to cry when she saw how the woman 
 turned off every question concerning her illness. 
 
 A few nights later, Hagar sat by the side of Miss 
 Gillespie's bed, while the older woman, now quite recov- 
 ered, talked to her. In a way that cheered Hagar 
 greatly, Miss Gillespie told her about the different phases 
 of love and how a woman must meet them. Only indi- 
 rectly did she refer to her drunken orgie. 
 
 As the child listened, open-eyed, Miss Gillespie said:
 
 Hagar Revelly 145 
 
 " Oh, Hagar, you don't understand the muddle of being 
 a woman my age. I'm nearly thirty, think of it." 
 
 "That's pretty old, isn't it?" 
 
 Miss Gillespie smiled. " You dear, it certainly is." 
 Then she went on. " You know a woman doesn't amount 
 to much unless she is really a bohemian or a booby." 
 
 She hesitated to say that she mustn't talk in this man- 
 ner to Hagar, but the child begged her to go on. 
 
 " What do you mean by a ' booby,' Miss Gillespie? " 
 
 " Well, a woman who's married because she's scared 
 of the game, afraid to hold out against the odds, and 
 marries some man for a meal ticket and a front 
 parlor. 
 
 " That's a problem you don't know anything about, 
 but I guess I can talk to you. I'd talk this way to my 
 daughter, if I had one. If a woman is a bohemian, she 
 learns and suffers for it, if she's a booby she suffers 
 more, because she dreams of the things the bohemian has 
 and can't get them." 
 
 " You mean that a married woman is worse off than a 
 person who is a bohemian? " 
 
 " Much worse off, sometimes, child." 
 
 Hagar thought for a time. " Well, I don't think," 
 she said earnestly, " that a woman who has a home and 
 is married is as bad off as those women who go around 
 in the restaurants all the time." 
 
 " Oh, you don't understand," answered Miss Gillespie, 
 with an effort at smiling. " I'm talking about what they 
 go through in their minds. The woman who goes around 
 to the restaurants, as you say, at least has not fixed her- 
 self so her dreams can't come true, if there happens to 
 be a chance." She thought for a moment. " I don't 
 believe that a woman suffers, no matter how late it comes, 
 if she is really in love. Love is a kind of chloroform 
 that makes you laugh and be happy and then dulls
 
 146 Hagar Revelly 
 
 you; maybe it is because it has the power of not letting 
 you know you are suffering, when you really are." 
 
 Hagar interrupted : " But you've always told me, 
 Miss Gillespie, that people ought to be good." 
 
 The woman paused to say that Hagar was too young 
 to understand her fully. 
 
 " You don't understand, Hagar," she said. " I'm not 
 preaching that kind of goodness. It's only that I like 
 you and am going to try to keep you good, if I have 
 anything to do with it. 
 
 " This is the only way you'll learn. There's got to 
 be some method. You've got to get at all sides of the 
 game. It's better to be good because you know about it 
 and are too tired of life to be bad, than it is to be good 
 just because you're afraid to be bad." 
 
 She took hold of Hagar's hands and caressed them. 
 
 " Here I am getting old, dearie," she went on, " and 
 pretty soon my skin will get a little drier than it is now, 
 and I'll look older and more worn out. You know why? " 
 
 Hagar kept silent. 
 
 " You don't know why, do you? " Miss Gillespie asked. 
 
 " No, I honestly don't, Miss Gillespie." 
 
 " Well, I'll tell you. It's because I'm being what peo- 
 ple call good. It's all rot, that's all. I'm just not liv- 
 ing up to myself, or to nature. Oh, well, it's because I 
 haven't got a baby around me. Yes, that's it. Every 
 woman is born to be a mother. It's her natural instinct, 
 and she was made just for that and nothing else. If 
 she hasn't a baby around that will take the affection 
 from her that is stored up, she begins to get old. That's 
 the reason old maids look skinny and tired. Oh, Hagar, 
 you don't know how I want a baby, especially in the morn- 
 ing, when I wake up and see myself lying there worthless 
 and alone. Now what has good or bad got to do with 
 that? "
 
 Hagar Revelly 147 
 
 Hagar sat quietly throughout the woman's confession. 
 But now as Miss Gillespie revealed in words her inner- 
 most desire, Hagar felt puzzled, even a little affected. 
 
 " I don't quite understand you, Miss Gillespie," she 
 said. 
 
 " It's very plain, Hagar. Women have got to give 
 food to that part of themselves, or they'll go to pieces. 
 They are born to be mothers. You take a man that is 
 used to the farm and put him in a stone mansion in the 
 city, and watch him. Why, he'll get sick and die off, 
 because he isn't following his natural instinct. It's a 
 good deal the same thing with women. 
 
 " I've watched a lot of them and just about the time 
 they get to be thirty or so, if they haven't got this baby 
 around, they go to pieces. They get reckless, do crazy 
 things that they would have never thought of five years 
 before." She looked steadily at Hagar. " You know 
 what I think, child? Well, I think that they ought to 
 make a law that every woman should have a baby before 
 she is thirty. One way or another. And when I say 
 that, I'm not telling you to be bad. 
 
 " If every woman in the world that had waited until 
 she was twenty-five, and then had not married for love, 
 would go out into the world with the intention that she 
 would marry, without the license, the first man she loved 
 after that, there wouldn't be such a thing as good and 
 bad people. It would be because they were too sincere 
 and honest with themselves. No woman who loves the 
 child she has borne can be a bad woman." 
 
 Then she discussed Miss Gibbs, the crabbed head lady 
 of her department at Rheinchild's. 
 
 " Look at her. There is a good example for young 
 girls. She's mean and hot-tempered and soured on the 
 world. She's nearly forty now and yet when you talk 
 about young men to her, those hard eyes of hers get dim
 
 14*8 Hagar Revelly 
 
 and she smiles kind of sickly. That smile is the most 
 hideous thing I know, Hagar. Poor thing, she will never 
 let go of the idea that some day she is going to get mar- 
 ried. And yet I know that there was a fellow in her life 
 when she was younger, who loved her and she him, but 
 who didn't get married because he had no money. There 
 is a good sample. Supposing they'd have gone ahead 
 and married without the license until they could have af- 
 forded to buy it. She would have had a child now, and 
 I'll bet she would be just as tender and kind as anybody. 
 
 " But even if she is getting a little crazier each day," 
 Miss Gillespie continued, " the idea that she's going to 
 be married and loved some day is like a life-saving belt 
 for her. If she didn't have that idea in her head she 
 would go under." 
 
 Hagar commented that she thought Miss Gibbs was 
 hopeless. 
 
 " Well, maybe she does appear that way, but think 
 what she might have come to if she would have just been 
 what other people call bad. Why, look at me, Hagar. 
 Don't think I get under the liquor because I want to. 
 Oh, it isn't that, my little friend. I don't like the stuff. 
 But it gets me just the same. I get so blue, sometimes, 
 when I think of what I might have had, and how I be- 
 lieved in other people's views of things why, I pretty 
 nearly go mad." 
 
 She looked curiously at Hagar for a long time. 
 
 " You know, kiddie, I don't know why I should talk 
 like this to you I guess because you're so soft to have 
 around, and kind and sympathetic. . . . Well, to go 
 back, my head gets filled with thoughts of that past. I 
 remember how I used to hug and kiss him, and beg for a 
 baby and then I think of how he was only fooling 
 with me yes, I get the blue devils when I think of it, 
 get sort of confused. If I didn't drink, I'd do something
 
 Hagar Rerelly 149 
 
 worse." Her lips thinned and pursed together. " Once 
 I came near killing myself. I even got a revolver." 
 
 Hagar held her breath, as the woman's voice died down. 
 
 " But I am too much of a coward. I'll always be 
 sitting in this room, thinking, and getting more stale, 
 and old. And I'll go down to Rheinchild's every day just 
 like now."
 
 CHAPTER XIV 
 
 ONE night Hagar and Greenfield sat together until mid- 
 night at a table in the back of a German restaurant on 
 Fourteenth Street, and he revealed to her for the first 
 time the exact regard in which he held her, telling her 
 how he loved her, and relating in tender words how it had 
 hurt him at the very beginning to see her back of the 
 counter selling shirt-waists. He told her how difficult it 
 had been to keep from wording his affections long before, 
 mentioning that he had created the position of guide for 
 her, because he couldn't stand it when he realized how 
 poorly she was living. 
 
 " No, I couldn't stand it, dear," he said, with his hands 
 closed tight over hers. The expression on his face at 
 that moment, and the feeling in his voice, remained by 
 her for many days. 
 
 He took her home in a carriage, but he did not take 
 advantage of the privacy to kiss or embrace her. He 
 was really very kind and gentle. Yet she was not able to 
 sleep throughout the night. For a long time, she re- 
 alized, she had been aware of his attentions and the 
 message they conveyed. And as she lay there open-eyed, 
 she wondered why it was that she was always so scared 
 and nervous, whenever he came near her. 
 
 Standing in the store vestibule next evening, deep in 
 a reverie, she heard his familiar voice. It came 
 simultaneously with her thoughts of the night before. 
 
 " You can't go home in the subway in this weather," 
 
 he said, pointing to the drifting snow, and placing his 
 
 150
 
 Hagar Revelly 151 
 
 hand over hers on the umbrella handle. " It'll be so 
 stuffy and crowded, you wouldn't be able to stand it." 
 
 "Well, what am I to do?" She answered him rather 
 sweetly, as if to say that she was glad to see him again. 
 ' You're to come take a bite with me, and we'll see 
 about getting home later." 
 
 Hagar protested that they had been together just the 
 night before. 
 
 " I don't think we ought to be together so often," she 
 said. 
 
 " Why not ? " He looked at her steadily for a mo- 
 ment, then said firmly : " Come." 
 
 She took his arm. 
 
 " Did you miss me to-day, Hagar? " was his first ques- 
 tion after they had gained the opposite side of the street. 
 
 She hesitated. " Some " she said at last, with a lit- 
 tle coy laugh. 
 
 " I missed you a good deal, kiddie," he murmured. 
 
 " I'm sorry." 
 
 " I am very glad. You don't know how fine it is to 
 feel that you want some one by you all the time. I don't 
 suppose you feel that way? " 
 
 Then, before he gave her time to answer, he said, point- 
 ing to the little worn, black, leather bag at her side: 
 " Why do you carry that ? It's worn out." 
 
 " Well I it was a good one when it was new and 
 I would rather have an old good one than a cheap new 
 one." 
 
 "You're a funny little thing," he said jovially, as he 
 looked into her eyes. " You know very well you only 
 need go into the leather department and pick out what 
 you want. Why haven't you? " 
 
 " I never thought of it." 
 
 " Well, you see that you do it to-morrow. I don't 
 want anything about you that will spoil your good looks."
 
 152 Hagar Revelly 
 
 " You are very kind, Mr. Greenfield." 
 
 " Yes, but you don't appreciate me," was his comment. 
 
 He took her to Mouqiun's and after dinner they had 
 their demi-tasse downstairs. 
 
 Ordering coffee for two, and a cognac for himself, he 
 settled back against the cushioned wall, with his hand 
 gently touching Hagar's. 
 
 Then a sudden thought made him call the waiter and 
 order " two cognacs." 
 
 Presently the liquors were placed on the table in front 
 of them and he explained that cognac was the only 
 dressing to use in black coffee. As she hesitated, he said 
 kindly : 
 
 " Why, it's all right, Hagar. You know I wouldn't 
 give you anything that would hurt you. And it would 
 please me very much if you would do little things like that, 
 now that we understand each other. It would make me 
 think that you cared just a little for me." 
 
 He spoke as if he felt very sorry for himself. But 
 he was delighted when Hagar poured the liquor into her 
 coffee, as if to show him that she really did care. 
 
 In friendly confidential fashion they conversed the whole 
 evening, though he was careful never to imply anything 
 suggestive in a direct way. Whenever he wanted to say 
 something along intimate lines he would always handle 
 the subject as if it concerned some one else, and seemingly 
 tell a story about one of his friends. He knew he could 
 talk to her impersonally and word the daring emotions 
 and desires that surged through him, but he knew too, 
 that with Hagar, nothing could be placed in blunt, start- 
 ling fashion. He must be calm, suave, kind, he told him- 
 self. 
 
 Greenfield came all the way back to his office that 
 night after he had taken Hagar home. A small business 
 deal troubled him and he meant to gain the seclusion of
 
 Hagar Revelly 153 
 
 his office to plan out the proper method of procedure. 
 It was nearly midnight and the night watchman had to 
 be notified before he could gain an entrance into the 
 building. It hardly seemed worth the trouble. And 
 after he reached the secluded room he found himself utterly 
 unable to give the problem that had brought him, the 
 proper amount of thought. Instead his mind continually 
 dwelt upon Hagar. 
 
 He sat in his chair thinking of the soft delicate skin, 
 of her small full bosom. He recognized how different 
 was his pursuit of this child, compared to his methods 
 with other women. Yes, there was no doubt but what he 
 desired her to an inordinate degree; but did she know 
 this and would the end come about in the usual fashion? 
 Or was she just fooling him. Surely she couldn't think 
 him so gullible as that. 
 
 It was different with Hagar than with other women, 
 after all, he reasoned. With her he was forced to put 
 on his best manners, to submit to her apparent innocence 
 without a protest. How ridiculous it was that when 
 away from her, he could plan on some final mode of at- 
 tack, and then always have the situation the same when- 
 ever he went to her. 
 
 Though he had come on a business quest, Greenfield 
 sat idle in the darkness of his office, until two o'clock. 
 He thought over his adventures of the last half dozen 
 years, of the many women with whom he had consorted 
 and the pleasures they had afforded him. And when he 
 locked the door after him, and walked through the silent 
 store to the street, it was with the feeling that he must 
 be stronger with Hagar and not give in to her so easily. 
 
 But when he reached his room at the hotel he was less 
 defiant and more weak than ever. A well defined pang 
 of loneliness struck him as he turned on the switch button 
 of the electric light. In that moment he saw clearly
 
 154 Hagar Revelly 
 
 what Hagar had done for him. It made him somewhat 
 rebellious. He saw that since he had known her, he no 
 longer found it possible to mingle with the women of his 
 past acquaintance. He realized that this was not a 
 passing impersonal episode, but that Hagar was a woman 
 whom he really loved, a woman whose arms would keep 
 him from terrible evenings of loneliness and unrest. 
 
 For some days Greenfield reasoned that it was not Ha- 
 gar's charms, but just the fact that he was growing older 
 which gave this sudden desire for quiet and peacefulness. 
 
 In his mind's eye he would see her, a little innocent 
 girl, with shining black hair and wonderful ivory skin, 
 and would imagine her wearing a Parisian gown, her neck 
 encircled by rows of pearls and diamonds ; he would 
 picture himself opposite her, in some well lighted restau- 
 rant, where all the eyes would be envying him, and he 
 would realize that it was the girl herself he wanted, that 
 he must carry on the fight. 
 
 All his life he had seen beautiful women in the pos- 
 session of ugly stupid men, and knowing that he was 
 thought rather handsome, he had come to lose confidence 
 in his own ability for not discovering some woman that 
 would vie with them. Here, indeed was the opportunity. 
 
 About a month after the evening when Hagar and 
 Greenfield were at Mouquin's, he gave her a first insight 
 into his philosophy regarding her. The revelation came 
 so gradually that she met it unsuspiciously, as if he 
 had been talking about some part of her dress, or about 
 business. 
 
 Over a deep, blood-red claret lemonade at Louis Mar- 
 tins, he told her exactly what he thought of her. 
 Listening to him she was in turn, grateful, startled, 
 perplexed, but with it all finding a great satisfaction in x 
 having her vague feeling of unrest at last explained. 
 
 " You are built a certain way," he said. " I know
 
 Hagar Revelly 155 
 
 because I have watched a lot of girls, at the store and 
 other places. And it is all fixed up for you. Your 
 eyes, ycur lips, your whole body has been built a certain 
 way, and it wasn't meant for you " he leaned over the 
 table earnestly " to sell shirt-waists. Maybe it is too 
 bad that you can't but you can't. It won't help it 
 either if you fight, because it would only be fighting 
 against yourself. And you'd wear yourself out doing 
 that. 
 
 " You might even try to game it out behind the counter, 
 until something happens, or somebody came along. But 
 nothing ever happens and they never come. At least not 
 to take you where you belong. You are not a crude 
 piece of material that can work on a few dollars a week. 
 Yes, I know. Maybe you do too. You need pretty 
 clothes, soft crushy things that cost money, and you like 
 attention, you like having men turn around after you 
 and all that, don't you? I've watched you." 
 
 He went on in a soft alluring way of speaking and 
 the words came soothingly to her ears. He said she was 
 like a hot-house flower, a rose, which, if exposed too much 
 to the cold winds of adversity, would lose its beautiful 
 blush. 
 
 It was this blush, he described, which was in reality 
 her beauty, that protected her at all times. It made 
 people kind to her, it gave her the best that was in them, 
 and it was a veneer that was only beautiful when it was 
 well taken care of. 
 
 " If you don't watch out," he said on, " the 
 raw air will eat at the petals. Oh, little girl," he whis- 
 pered nearly in her ears, " don't lose this blush, this 
 great beauty. Supposing you have beauty and fra- 
 grance, just like a rose, you will wither like the rest of 
 the flowers if you expose yourself and are not taken care 
 of. I make this comparison to a rose," he said, watching
 
 156 Hagar Revelly 
 
 the effect of his words, " because I think it makes a pretty 
 good argument. If you expose yourself to hard work 
 you will become just as ugly as the rest of the girls." 
 
 As he spoke of her beauty being lost, she looked at him 
 strangely aroused. 
 
 Greenfield perceived that his words had carried some 
 message to her. He hastened to add : " You'll have to 
 give in some day, Hagar, and the longer you hold out, 
 the more foolish you'll be." 
 
 Hagar was silent for a long time. " Well, what am 
 I to do ? " she then asked. 
 
 " Why, make it easier for yourself. I love you I 
 am willing to do all I can." 
 
 She looked at him in a puzzled way, saying, after some 
 time, " I don't believe I quite understand you, Mr. Green- 
 field." 
 
 For a moment Greenfield thought that this might be 
 the moment to explain everything. And then he saw 
 that it would be a great mistake, at least at this time. 
 He would not even be able to kiss her here. It would 
 have to be in some place, where they were alone. 
 
 With some hesitation he took out of his pocket a lit- 
 tle memorandum book and from between its red leather 
 covers, tore a slip of paper. " I'm living on Eighty- 
 seventh Street, at this address," he said simply, as he 
 wrote down a number. "Will you come?" 
 
 ".Why, I" 
 
 Greenfield was watching her closely, not quite under- 
 standing whether she realized the meaning he meant to 
 convey. He took her hesitation as meaning fear more 
 than anything else. 
 
 " Oh, it's all right," he spoke quickly. " You need 
 only come to the first door and ask for me. Yes, you 
 come there and I'll tell you what I mean. We'll be alone 
 and able to have a dandy talk. There is a big grate fire
 
 Hagar Revelly 157 
 
 in the sitting-room and it's perfectly all right. You will 
 come, dearie, won't you? " 
 
 He looked steadily into her eyes and gradually pressed 
 with greater intensity the hands that lay clasped under 
 his own. 
 
 " Will you? " he asked again, in just a whisper. 
 
 " Yes, I guess so," she answered, her eyes looking far 
 in front of her. 
 
 They set the time for the following evening. 
 
 Hagar grew so restless during that next day that at 
 the closing hour she decided to visit her mother for a 
 short time. A chat might put a stop to the nervousness 
 that so troubled her, and make her look forward to the 
 evening with more anticipation. Then, it was a good 
 time anyway, as one thing or another had kept her from 
 going up to the house for nearly a week. 
 
 There was the usual affectionate greeting, when Hagar 
 entered her mother's room; and then Mrs. Revelly, who 
 had been sitting at the sewing machine, went back to her 
 seat. 
 
 " I'm going to keep right on working, dearie," she said. 
 " I want to finish up this waist to wear Sunday." 
 
 Hagar's eyes brightened with professional interest. 
 " Let me see it, mother." 
 
 Mrs. Revelly handed over the half -finished garment, and 
 awaited with some anxiety her daughter's verdict. 
 
 Hagar looked at the sleeves critically. 
 
 " I think, mother, they ought to be kimono. We just 
 can't get rid of anything that ain't kimono." 
 
 " Wouldn't it be a little bit hard to make kimono sleeves 
 in this thin goods?" Mrs. Revelly asked. 
 
 " Well, I don't know, but all ours are like that. Say, 
 mother, why don't you come around to the store and act 
 like you were a customer, and I'll show you everything, 
 and you can see how it's made."
 
 158 Hagar Revelly 
 
 Mrs. Revelly was interested. 
 
 " Why, maybe," Hagar went on, " I could fix it that 
 you'd get some stuff at discount like I do. I believe I 
 could fix that." 
 
 Mrs. Revelly thought that would be fine. " I suppose 
 all you girls can buy things cheap like that ? " she queried. 
 
 " Well, I don't know if they all can," said Hagar, a 
 little self-consciously. 
 
 Mrs. Revelly leaned over the sewing machine with an 
 expression in her eyes that was a question. 
 
 Hagar made no reply, however, but played with her 
 leather bag. 
 
 " Why, can you get a different price from the other 
 girls, Hagar? " 
 
 " Why I guess maybe I can. Mr. Greenfield 
 said something about it the other day." 
 
 " He's the manager of the whole store, isn't he ? " re- 
 marked Mrs. Revelly. 
 
 " I think he's got pretty much the main say. We 
 hardly ever see Mr. Rheinchild." Hagar picked up from 
 the floor a piece of goods that had fallen from the machine. 
 " He's been real nice to me," she added. 
 
 When Hagar went up the brown, crumbled steps of the 
 house on Eighty-seventh Street, she realized that the visit 
 to her mother had helped very little ; she really did not 
 know exactly why she was going, or the meaning of her 
 mission; she tried to tell herself it was only different 
 from going to a restaurant, in that she was going to his 
 house instead. No more than that. And she did not 
 know whether the sensation of aching and emptiness about 
 her heart was due to the fact that she had walked fast, 
 or to a strange feeling of fear and guilt, that she could 
 not explain, and for which she saw no reason. 
 
 Hagar did not really understand at all what Greenfield 
 was proposing, and as she went up the steps and rang
 
 Hagar Revelly 159 
 
 the door bell, there was in her mind a little feeling of re- 
 gret, because she knew that she did not love him in return 
 for all his great kindness to her. 
 
 It was this feeling that was the first thing she ex- 
 plained to him, after she was settled in the big plush chair 
 he had pushed up for her in front of the fire. 
 
 " Don't worry, dearie," he said ; " you'll care more for 
 me some day. I guess I love you enough for both of us 
 now." 
 
 He took her dainty hand and petted it. 
 
 Like a picture of the Degas Dancing Girl that hung 
 in the framing department at Rheinchild's, she seemed to 
 him. Her black, nearly coarse, hair was in such direct re- 
 markable contrast to the soft transparency of her face, 
 while the flat glossy strands that came down low over her 
 forehead defiantly accentuated the simple freshness of 
 her mouth and her eyes. 
 
 Such charming youth he had never encountered. It 
 was innocence, he told himself, but not doll-like, or stu- 
 pidly pretty, such as he had usually noticed in young 
 girls. Instead there was something desirous, expectant, 
 in the limpid darkness of her eyes ; and when he watched 
 her mouth, a feeling that he must kiss her came in a hot 
 wave of passion that he could barely subdue. It was a 
 mouth that was small and yet well curved, with lips so 
 full, he could only think of it as being some flower that' 
 was unfolding its petals for the first time. 
 
 Hagar became conscious of his admiration and lowered 
 her head with a soft, little laugh, saying : " I wish you 
 wouldn't look at me like that, Mr. Greenfield." 
 
 " I'm only admiring you." 
 
 His face was very close to hers now. She wondered if 
 she would let him kiss her, should he try ; while in his 
 mind came the thought that perhaps this was the time 
 to unleash his passions.
 
 160 Hagar Reuelly 
 
 But he restrained himself valorously as he saw a fright- 
 ened stare creep into her eyes. This puzzled him. He 
 was not sure but that she knew his motive and was using a 
 woman's strongest argument, fear and weakness, to com- 
 bat his impulses. However, he decided he must still go 
 slowly. 
 
 So he was kind and attentive and quiet. They talked 
 of the store, of the latest shows, the new restaurant that 
 had startled all New York; he talked about himself, told 
 her how he had gone through high school and graduated 
 at sixteen and was getting ready for college, when his 
 father's clothing establishment went into an unforeseen 
 bankruptcy. With a great feeling of sympathy, Hagar 
 heard how he had been compelled to start as a bundle 
 boy at Rheinchild's. Then came the successive steps, at 
 last rising to his present high position. 
 
 " But I mustn't talk of myself," he whispered 
 sadly. 
 
 She whispered back. " Oh, yes, please I like to hear 
 you." 
 
 He drew his chair a little closer, thinking : " This girl 
 is strange, so contradictory. I don't know whether she 
 wants me to go on, or whether she doesn't yet understand 
 at what I am driving." 
 
 Stammering that his life had not been all roses and 
 gold, he took her hand and said, with a show of longing 
 in his words : " Yes, there was a time between twenty 
 and thirty, little girl, that I lost all the pleasures that 
 other men have. There was no youth for me then. I had 
 to work hard." 
 
 Hagar responded with a remark that he shouldn't think 
 so sadly. 
 
 He saw that she really felt sorry for him. 
 
 Then she asked : " How old are you, Mr. Greenfield ? " 
 
 " Well," he replied, bravely an effort which he made
 
 Hagar Revelly 161 
 
 forcedly artificial " I guess I'm not so awful old 
 about thirty-seven." 
 
 Hagar thought that that was a " just right " age, 
 while he regretted that he had lopped off four years 
 by his lie. 
 
 " Maybe she'd feel sorrier for me, if I were older," he 
 told himself. 
 
 "And you, how old are you, Hagar?" 
 
 " I'll be seventeen pretty soon," she said proudly. 
 
 At that moment there was a loud ringing of the door- 
 bell and the sound of a man's voice mingled with a tramp- 
 ing of heavy feet up the stairway. 
 
 " You don't live here by yourself, do you ? " she asked. 
 
 " Oh, no, I just have these two rooms." 
 
 Hagar noticed his face redden, but she attributed it 
 to the heat of the room. 
 
 " It's hot in here, isn't it ? " said she, in benevolent de- 
 sire to justify his heated face. " Why don't you open 
 the hall door?" 
 
 Hagar had started to do this herself, when he arose 
 hastily and gently pushed her back into the chair. 
 
 " Too many people coming in at this time of the even- 
 ing," he told her. 
 
 "What difference could that make?" she asked. 
 " Anyway they have gone upstairs." 
 
 " But I don't want them to see us, just the same." 
 
 Then he changed the conversation to other things, and 
 Hagar, though puzzled at his manner, said to herself that 
 it was just that same strangeness of his she had noticed 
 so many times before often he was very strange and 
 changed the subject quickly, and she remembered an oc- 
 casion when he had very hurriedly placed her in a dark 
 doorway for fifteen minutes and how at another time he 
 had suddenly forgotten that she was with him and jumped 
 off the street car and left her alone.
 
 162 Hagar Revelly 
 
 Then he arose from the chair and nervously walked up 
 and down for a few minutes without speaking. 
 
 " Have you lived here very long ? " 
 
 Though his cleverness did not forsake him, he still saw 
 that she had steered him into a tight place, with her ques- 
 tion. He looked at her in a quizzical way as if to say, 
 " You're a pretty wise little girl, aren't you ? " 
 
 But Hagar was not at all suspicious, even thinking that 
 he had everything put away in the bedroom. His an- 
 swer, " Oh, I only moved in yesterday, my trunks are still 
 in the other place," satisfied her entirely. 
 
 And when he sighed dejectedly and added, " That's the 
 way we live, those of us who haven't anyone to look after 
 us," she felt actually sorry for him. 
 
 Hagar looked up into his face, and asked if it was nec- 
 essary that he lead such a lonely life. 
 
 " What else is there to do," he answered wearily. 
 
 Then he leaned over and put his lips very close to her 
 eyes. " You don't mean, Hagar, that you'd help me 
 out of it?" 
 
 So close were his lips to her cheeks that he could not 
 control himself. He kissed her, once on the cheek, then 
 on her lips. 
 
 Frantically Hagar tore herself loose from his embrace, 
 her face coloring rhythmically, with each breath. 
 
 " Why, Mr. Greenfield, how dare you do that," she cried 
 angrily. 
 
 It was hard for Greenfield to control his temper at 
 this unexpected repulse. He had really thought that she 
 was well under his influence. As Hagar stood glaring at 
 him, he could only think of how childish she looked. 
 
 He admitted to himself that perhaps he had been fool- 
 ish, but he was more determined now than ever before, 
 to win her. 
 
 After some time, when he had fairly well calmed him-
 
 Hagar Revelly 163 
 
 self and Hagar had settled back in her chair again, he 
 said : 
 
 " You're funny, Hagar. You tell me you like me, yet 
 you carry on like that, and won't even let me kiss you. 
 What's a kiss anyway? " 
 
 For a moment Hagar was silent. " Oh, it seems dif- 
 ferent, Mr. Greenfield, with you somehow. It just spoils 
 things to have you act that way. Somehow I really 
 thought you were different. You've been so kind to me." 
 She thought of Mr. Herrick, and a half dozen others 
 whom she had met since she left school. " Why, they 
 all act that way," she continued. " Everybody tries to 
 kiss you and put their arms around you. I kept think- 
 ing you're different than them, but when you do things 
 like that I am so disappointed in you." 
 
 Greenfield searched in his mind for the right answer; 
 he came near telling her that she was more innocent than 
 he had thought, that all men were alike, that it was only 
 their methods which differed. But he saw he should not 
 say this. Strangely at a loss for the right word, he 
 said at last, " I'm sorry you feel that way about it, 
 Hagar." 
 
 For a time both of them were overtaken by an awk- 
 ward silence. Hagar sat gazing into the fire while Green- 
 field studied her head and face, feeling a little foolish 
 when he thought how after all the weeks and months, 
 he had let this slip of a girl repulse him without his offer- 
 ing any resistance. 
 
 He allowed her to leave as soon as he thought that the 
 incident had passed from her mind. And she felt a re- 
 newal of her confidence in him when she walked by a fruit 
 store on Columbus Avenue and noticed that a clock said 
 it was not yet ten-thirty. He had not let her go, how- 
 ever, until she had agreed to come the next evening. 
 
 Greenfield felt that he understood thoroughly the work-
 
 164 Hagar Revelly 
 
 ings of Hagar's virginal mind. He reasoned that he un- 
 derstood perfectly that defiant moment of repulsion and 
 struggle to free herself from his grasp; he told himself 
 it wasn't that she was more innocent or that she had 
 better self-control when she said, " How dare you? " but 
 that she was only repeating the words that every young 
 girl had instinctively repeated from time beyond memory. 
 
 Of course, she was supposed to meet his first caresses 
 in just that manner. It might not have been that she 
 wanted to. It was merely her natural instinct. That 
 was it. Had he not noticed, for just the slightest frac- 
 tion of a moment that she clung to him, when his arms 
 were around her? She would probably run through all 
 the set stages, at first rebellion, then the gradual re- 
 linquishing to uphold her pride, and at last concessions 
 and surrender with the surrender coming in a state of 
 semi-consciousness so that she could say afterwards she 
 had no idea of her action. Yes, he had been a fool to 
 postpone a decisive action for so long. 
 
 There was only one way. That was to take her by 
 storm so that the brunt of blame could be carried on his 
 shoulders. Women were all like that. They dare not 
 assume any responsibility for their succumbing. 
 
 It was past eight-thirty the next night when Hagar 
 went up the steps and rang the bell of the house on 
 Eighty-seventh Street. 
 
 The fat colored woman with the blue dress, answered 
 the door as before. 
 
 "Is Mr. Greenfield in?" 
 
 " Yes. Just come in. He expects you ? " 
 
 " Yes, I think so." 
 
 She went in. A moment later Greenfield met her. 
 
 Starting to greet him, she was instead much bewildered 
 when he grasped her in his arms and kissed her passion- 
 ately.
 
 Hagar Revelly 165 
 
 " Now sit clown, dear. I'm so glad you came." 
 
 He had taken her by surprise. She wanted to say sev- 
 eral things at once, but all her devastated senses could 
 muster was the sentence : " Why why do you do 
 that after last night ? " 
 
 Her face was flushed and her lips quivered. 
 
 " Because I love you. That's the reason. Now let's 
 sit down." 
 
 Before she had time for comment or parley, he went 
 on : " We mustn't be fools. I love you, Hagar, I hon- 
 estly do, and you know it and this game can't last for- 
 ever." He looked up into her face. She had risen and 
 was gazing absently into the mirror over the mantelpiece. 
 
 "Why do you stand up so scared-like? Sit down, 
 won't you? " 
 
 He pushed the chair toward her. 
 
 Then, a great deal more gentle in his manner, " I don't 
 think you really and truly care for me, Hagar." 
 
 She turned her eyes to the floor. Within her was a 
 question that was nearly consuming her. She was asking 
 herself if all this fight on her part was not futile and 
 foolish, as he said it was. Surely he did care for her. 
 How kind he had been to her. And how he was begging 
 her now! Wasn't she really foolish to treat him so 
 meanly ? 
 
 Greenfield repeated again his remark, noticing at the 
 same time that she was no longer fighting him. 
 
 " You know better than that, Mr. Greenfield," she re- 
 plied. " I do care about you." 
 
 " Then, why do we fight each other ? " 
 
 " Why I don't believe I want to fight you ? Mr. 
 Greenfield. I don't mean to." 
 
 Greenfield studied her face with evident seriousness, 
 at last saying, " You've been thinking some since last 
 night, haven't you, Hagar."
 
 166 Hagar Revelly 
 
 " Yes, I guess I have, a little." 
 
 " And what have you thought, Hagar ? " 
 
 She lowered her lids and surprised him somewhat by 
 taking hold of his hand. 
 
 " What have you thought, Hagar ? " 
 
 " Oh, I don't know what I think. You make me 
 feel so funny. Sometimes I'm happy, then again, I'm 
 so nervous and shaky when I'm with you, I don't know 
 what to do." She hesitated. " I didn't want to come 
 to-night, but somehow I just couldn't help it." 
 
 Taking hold of her free hand, Greenfield led her over 
 to a wide settee chair. 
 
 " I'm going to talk to you, little girl," he began, after 
 they were both seated. " And I don't want you to say 
 a word, until I'm through. I've thought about this thing 
 a long time a good many months I should say. I don't 
 want you to be scared at what I'm going to tell you, 
 either. You're going to be sensible, and so am I." 
 
 He lit a cigarette, and threw the burnt match into 
 the grate. 
 
 " Look how cosy it is here. Isn't it a dandy fire ? 
 You like big coals like that, burning red, don't you? It 
 makes the room happier. Well, you can have all this sort 
 of thing and more, if you will just be wise and sensible. 
 You know what I mean? Well, that I love you, and if 
 you return my love well, I'll give you any old thing. 
 Now don't you think you'd be foolish to fight off forever 
 the way you do? You could have a dandy little place to 
 live, you wouldn't have to work at all and you could have 
 all the good clothes you felt like. Now what do you 
 say?" 
 
 He looked at her intently. " Why, Hagar, you could 
 go out in Central Park every day and when you went 
 shopping, you'd have a taxicab waiting for you instead 
 of the subway. That would do you a lot of good, too."
 
 Hagar Revelly 167 
 
 For the first time now, he saw that she showed signs 
 of fear. The color had left her face, even her lips looked 
 pale. 
 
 "What's the matter?" he asked. "Are you ill, Ha- 
 gar? " 
 
 She replied, " No, I feel all right." 
 
 " You don't look it." He paused for the moment, fear- 
 ing that he was pushing matters too strongly. Through 
 his mind was running the thought, " I'm getting her, 
 I'm getting her." 
 
 Hagar remained silent for a long time and only the 
 slow rising and falling of her breast, like the uneasy swell- 
 ing of the sea, betrayed her hidden emotion. 
 
 Gradually had come over her a new understanding, and 
 it seemed very suddenly to make her see things in the right 
 light. She saw that she might wait a life-time and not be 
 loved as she was by this man. Maybe she could learn to 
 love him too. Anyway it would be nice to have a home, 
 and be a real woman, with a real husband. Why had she 
 not thought before how wonderful that would be? Sup- 
 posing he was a good deal older than she. If he was 
 younger then he wouldn't have the money to give her what 
 she wanted. And it would be nice to have all the clothes 
 she wanted. 
 
 Continuing her reflections, Hagar asked herself if she 
 ought not feel really very lucky and happy. He was 
 quite good looking, and could manage everybody so well. 
 She had seen how the waiters and the girls at the store 
 minded him. 
 
 Greenfield perceived that she was deep in some prob- 
 lem, and thought it was the right time now to reinforce 
 his argument. 
 
 " You know I think it very odd," he said, " that you 
 should hold out as if you had the world back of you, when 
 all the time your little heart and body is starving for-
 
 168 Hagar Revelly 
 
 good, nice things things like fine clothes, good food." 
 He waved his hand restlessly. " Oh, why should I go on. 
 A face like yours should have only one kind of a life. 
 Really, you are beautiful, Hagar, only you're not among 
 those who can appreciate you. 
 
 " Why," he hesitated, " you remind me of Now he 
 pondered over the thought for a full minute, finishing up 
 with a pointed resemblance that had suddenly come to him 
 between Hagar and an actress for whom a vast theatre 
 had just been built. " She got on," he continued, gently 
 patting her hand, "Why shouldn't you? Now be a sen- 
 sible girl." 
 
 Greenfield watched her to see the effect of his words. 
 His heart was beating quickly, and as he saw her sitting 
 there so pale and beautiful, a passionate emotion swept 
 through him that engulfed all the little subterfuges, the 
 plans for calm persuasion. Forgetting himself entirely, 
 he tremblingly drew her close to him and held her tightly 
 from head to foot. 
 
 " God, you're beautiful," he cried hoarsely. 
 
 For a moment she appeared to resist him, then she too 
 seemed to lose control of herself. Her body lost its 
 rigidity, becoming lax and yielding, her small arms went 
 about his neck, the while he felt one wave of emotion after 
 another follow in close succession through her little 
 body. 
 
 " Oh, Mr. Greenfield, I don't know what I'm doing," 
 she cried. " You must help me, please, please." And as 
 if she were ashamed of her thoughts she buried her head 
 in his arms. 
 
 Gradually, then, fearing that she would go back into 
 her more sane self, Greenfield drew her gently, even deli- 
 cately, to the near-by alcove, whispering continuously 
 into her ear, " Hagar, my darling, I love you, I love you, 
 I love you."
 
 Hagar He-velly 169 
 
 She stared at him, her face dulled by the fear that 
 was sweeping her being. 
 
 " What do you want with me? " she asked. 
 
 "Hagar, girl don't you understand? I love you." 
 Then he folded her arms about his neck. " That's it," 
 he said. " I love you." 
 
 She shrank back against the wall. Her heart was 
 pounding unmercifully and she felt vaguely a ter- 
 rible anguish and pain that comes as a foreboding of 
 guilt. 
 
 " Why do you pull away from me? " he asked. 
 
 " Oh, you frighten me terribly," she whispered. 
 
 He took hold of her more forcibly now. 
 
 " Frighten you ? Why, Hagar, I don't want to frighten 
 you. I just want to love you. I just want you to love 
 me." 
 
 He spoke gently again, and for the moment his soft 
 words allayed her fears. She trusted him to draw her 
 nearer again, but she kept saying, " Don't hurt me, 
 don't hurt me." 
 
 It was when Greenfield felt her yielding in his arms 
 that he lost control again. And into her ears now he 
 poured the hot words of passion. 
 
 " Hagar, do you know what you mean to me? Do you 
 see how I have gone day after day, thinking, wanting, 
 waiting for you? Don't you see, Hagar?" He was 
 intoxicated by the cataclysmic enormity of the under- 
 standing that racked him. Almost brutally he forced her 
 close to him. 
 
 " Oh, don't come near me," she begged, " please, please 
 please " 
 
 " Don't be scared little girl," he whispered. " I'll be 
 gentle. You'll love me more." 
 
 He took her head between his hands and drew her face 
 to his lips. " Look at me, dear. You'll love me more, I tell
 
 170 Hagar Revelly 
 
 you. And I'll be so good to you, you'll see. To-morrow 
 I want you to go down to Tiffany's and pick out some lit- 
 tle trinkets. Now don't look so frightened and pull 
 away ..." 
 
 She opened her eyes, seeming somewhat reassured and 
 quieted by the affection in his words. 
 
 He felt less anxious too, as he saw her become more 
 submissive in manner. But to be patient was hard as, in 
 the light from the next room, he saw the black lustre of 
 her hair and the soft transparency of her face. 
 
 Then she came closer to him, saying, " Well, we ought 
 to have gotten married to-day, anyway, Mr. Green- 
 field." 
 
 " Gotten married ! " 
 
 " Yes, we ought to have thought of it, because some- 
 how it would seem more right. Will we get married to- 
 morrow, then ? " 
 
 The question came to him with all the emphatic im- 
 peachment he knew his cunning deserved. 
 
 " Why dearie," he answered, " we are not going 
 to get married ! " 
 
 She repeated after him, too startled, too stunned, to 
 even understand: 
 
 " We are not going to get married ! " 
 
 In the instant her position burst upon her with all its 
 barren truth, and now instinct took the place of experi- 
 ence. 
 
 " You mean," she begged, with a crying appeal, " that 
 you didn't mean all along that we were going to get 
 married ? " 
 
 The man beside her was totally unprepared for this 
 strange culmination of his arduous labors. He saw the 
 livid, convulsed face of the child with a disgust that was 
 even greater than his desire. 
 
 " Why, you I never said a word about marrying,
 
 Hagar Revelly 171 
 
 dearie. You mean to tell me you didn't understand? 
 Why, I've been truthful every minute. Other men might 
 have told you anything, promised anything to get 
 you. I've been fair. Now, for God's sake, don't make a 
 scene." 
 
 But she tore loose from his renewed grasp, her eyes 
 dry, her voice gasping. All thought of fear had fled, 
 though the idea that nothing would come of the dream 
 that had nourished her for months, was too overwhelming 
 to realize. 
 
 She was in full possession of her senses now nearly 
 calm even, in her resolve to fight her way out of her pre- 
 dicament. 
 
 " What are you going to do ? " he asked rather sav- 
 agely, as he glared at her. 
 
 " I'm going home. What do you think ? " 
 
 Instantly all the common animalism, the spirit of ra- 
 venge and conquest came back into his being, throwing 
 off its ordinary manacle of calmness and tact. He re- 
 alized what he was losing, how fooled he had been, what 
 his builded dreams, his plans, his desires, all his invest- 
 ment of time had come to. He saw that he was remaining 
 pathetically by, while this child was getting the better 
 of him. 
 
 Frenzied, regardless of everything but his own desire, 
 he caught hold of her. 
 
 " Why, you little fool," he twisted her wrists painfully, 
 " do you mean to tell me that you never understood ? 
 What are you, a baby ? You know I couldn't marry you. 
 There are a hundred reasons for that. Why, even if I 
 wanted to, it would knock my business in the head 
 what would everybody say if I picked a girl from back of 
 the counter and married her? Of course, you wouldn't 
 understand anything like that, I suppose, looking at it
 
 172 Hagar Revelly 
 
 from your side. But I've got a position that I've got to 
 live up to, in my private life as well as in my business. 
 
 " Then another thing I'm too old for that game. 
 And I'm not so sure but what you know that. Yes, I 
 guess you knew it all along, and just thought you'd have 
 a little fun teasing me. You didn't suppose I was going 
 to spend months of time and money, give up everybody 
 and everything, run the chance of it getting to the store, 
 just because you'd let me kiss you in the end, did you? 
 I'm not a school-boy, Hagar." 
 
 As his grasp tightened, Hagar became frantic. 
 
 " Let me loose," she cried. " Let me go or I'll scream." 
 
 He laughed at her, saying: 
 
 " 'Twill do you a lot of good." 
 
 Then he backed up against the door, drawing her with 
 him, his nails buried deep in the skin of her arms. His 
 temper seemed to have arisen again. 
 
 " You can't get out of here unless I let you. The 
 door is locked. Anyway, what kind of a place do you 
 think this is?" 
 
 Waiting for her answer, only an instant, he went on: 
 " Well, I'll tell you. I don't live here. I only rented 
 these rooms for the night." He emphasized each word 
 with increased pressure of his nails. He was angered 
 now and all his baser character, roused by the thwarting 
 of his long cherished desire, came to the surface. 
 
 *' No," he emphasized again. " You can't go until I 
 let you." 
 
 For the first time, Hagar dared to look at him. She 
 studied his face and measured his power, hunting for the 
 truth of what he was saying. 
 
 But this strength on her part was only that instant of 
 bravery that comes before despairing weakness, a search 
 for some method of making him have compassion on her. 
 At the moment she wondered where had gone those soft
 
 Hagar Revetty 173 
 
 words, his goodness to her; then she looked at the bluish 
 imprints of his nails on her arms, and great beads of 
 tears flocked into her eyes and brimmed over to her cheeks. 
 
 Greenfield was getting more and more excited. He saw 
 her eyes search the room in their absent staring way, and 
 thought she was hunting for some means of escape. He 
 determined to give her a little fight before he would let 
 her go. 
 
 All of a sudden Hagar fell in a crushed heap on the 
 floor at his feet. 
 
 It frightened him. He stooped over her, and noticed 
 that her breath was missing. Her face was white as the 
 sheet on the bed. 
 
 This was another unexpected dilemma. " Damn it " 
 he muttered under his breath. 
 
 Then, as she seemed, instead of regaining consciousness, 
 to collapse more and get whiter, he ran to the door, and 
 unlocked it, meaning to call for help. Supposing she 
 should die, heart-failure or something, and he was caught 
 in this room with her! 
 
 He became bewildered and ran back into the bath- 
 room, filled two glasses with cold water and dashed their 
 contents into Hagar's face. 
 
 " My God, little girl," he cried, slapping her wrists 
 and shaking her. " Wake up, wake up, for God's sake." 
 
 When she opened her eyes and the tint stole back into 
 her skin, he felt like praying. 
 
 " You've given me a rotten scare, little one," he said, 
 with a great sigh of relief. 
 
 Hagar noticed his pale face, and the beads of perspira- 
 tion standing out on his forehead. Then she saw herself 
 a crumpled heap on the floor. She looked around the 
 room distractedly. 
 
 " Oh, what has happened ? " she begged. 
 
 It was only a moment before she realized her situation
 
 174 Hagar Revelly 
 
 and began to sob in low, tumultuous tones that shook 
 her whole body, while Greenfield stooped down on the 
 floor beside her, a little regretful that he had been scared, 
 now that she had so easily recovered her senses. 
 
 At that moment he felt a little distressed, too, that he 
 was the cause of her miserableness. He said gently: 
 " I'm sorry about this, little girl. Now brace up and 
 forgive me. I guess you think me pretty bad." Lifting 
 her into a chair, he took a wet towel and wiped the tears 
 from her eyes and cheeks. " Honestly, I'm sorry," he 
 went on. " Now, let's dress and get a taxi and go home." 
 
 He helped her put on her waist and when she was too 
 weak to reach around to her collar, he buttoned it for her. 
 After she was entirely dressed, he walked over to the 
 mantel and rested his elbow on the marble shelf. 
 
 " Really, I didn't know that you never understood the 
 whole thing." His voice had gone back to its kindlier 
 tones again. 
 
 " You were so mean and brutal, I'll never forgive you," 
 Hagar answered weakly. 
 
 Then she asked him for her coat. He handed it to 
 her. 
 
 Greenfield wanted to get her away quickly, and when 
 she found her shoes were still unbuttoned, and she could 
 not manage them with a hair pin, he bent over and fas- 
 tened them with his fingers. 
 
 Hagar thanked him, and her voice showed she had re- 
 gained some of her composure. 
 
 He said to her now : " Well, Hagar, we understand 
 each other, at any rate. I'm your friend just the same. 
 You can ask anything you want of me, and always feel 
 you've got somebody to go to, if you ever need anybody. 
 
 " Whenever you want to come," he continued, " I'll fix 
 up a little flat and we'll have a nice time. In the mean- 
 time, I know I can trust you. Of course, it would go
 
 Hagar Revelly 175 
 
 pretty hard with me, if you ever said anything at the 
 store. I can trust you, can't I? " he asked earnestly. 
 Hagar smiled wearily. " Oh, I guess so." 
 He went out into the hall, and at the telephone ordered 
 a cab for her, into which he put her alone. 
 
 It seemed only a minute before she was back at her 
 boarding house, trudging up the torn carpet of the stair- 
 way to her room.
 
 CHAPTER XV 
 
 BENJAMIN GREENFIELD showed his temper more than once 
 during the next few days. For nearly the first time he 
 was mean to the girls, and unkind to Miss Gillespie. And 
 when she approached him on some point of business and 
 ventured to ask at the same time what he was doing with 
 Hagar, he went into a terrible rage, and told her she 
 could give up her position, if it did not suit her. 
 
 Since Hagar had undertaken her position as guide, 
 Miss Gillespie saw very little of her and now that Green- 
 field talked in this manner, she understood his designs 
 upon the girl, and determined to watch Hagar more 
 closely. 
 
 Hagar, on her side, went to work the next morning 
 after her experience with Greenfield, feeling that she would 
 not dare to look him in the face. A deep loathing filled 
 her, a hatred that made her want to strike him. Beset 
 by many conflicting emotions all morning, her greatest 
 feeling was of rebellion against him, though there was 
 still something else in her understanding that dis- 
 turbed her even more. It was a feeling, that, instead 
 of wanting to run away from him, she desired to be nearer 
 to him and learn and understand and gain a more inti- 
 mate knowledge of this problem. 
 
 This feeling astonished her a great deal, for she knew 
 she hated him, and was sure, too, that she would never 
 give in to him or his temptations. 
 
 Strangely Hagar did not seek her mother's protection 
 and solace during these days. Since she felt no great re- 
 morse or grief at what she had passed through, nor any 
 
 176
 
 Hagar Revelly 177 
 
 need for advice, it seemed foolish to worry her mother 
 at any rate for the present. 
 
 Late that morning she met Greenfield, and notwith- 
 standing her turbulent thoughts, forced herself to give 
 him a friendly greeting. When he said, '' You are feel- 
 ing better this morning, Miss Revelly ? " she answered, 
 " Yes, much better, thank you." 
 
 The turn in her affairs came during the following week. 
 
 Greenfield, realizing his clumsy failure, began an en- 
 tirely new tack in his sail of conquest, deciding to leave 
 her alone until she should come to him voluntarily. And 
 Hagar, intuitively sensing this intention in his manner, 
 oddly enough became a little resentful. 
 
 But it was over a month before he again asked her if 
 she would mind lunching with him. He had noticed 
 the changes in the expression of her face, from defiance to 
 placidity, from placidity to bewildered irritation, and 
 then finally lonesomeness and resignation. He thought 
 that he had made her wait the proper time for her chas- 
 tisement and was now rather sure that she wanted him, at 
 least to talk to her. 
 
 At any rate it was very difficult for him to hold out 
 any longer. Hagar had surely spoilt all other women for 
 him. He could not lose in dreams nor by day the appear- 
 ance of her little hands and face and ankles. As for 
 Hagar, she had really been lonesome. Herrick, whom she 
 saw often again, and Miss Gillespie who stole into her 
 room at night and divided time between lectures and 
 warnings, failed to satisfy her. One had become rather 
 affectionate, which somehow disturbed her, while the other, 
 the woman, lectured too much and painted so many ter- 
 rible pictures of suffering and sadness, as to be merely 
 depressing and tiresome. 
 
 So she told Greenfield she would go, and, slipped into 
 the ladies' dressing room on the second floor just before
 
 178 Hagar Revelly 
 
 meeting him, to fix herself so that she looked as nice as 
 possible. She felt exultant and happy again. Yet, to 
 herself, while she studied her reflection and primped her 
 hair, she told herself that she would go with him only 
 to try to make him understand that he could be such a 
 nice friend in a different way if he wanted to, and that 
 it was not right for him to put himself on a level with 
 the other men she had told him about. 
 
 " I wonder," she said, as she tied the veil on the back 
 of her hat, " if I can make him see it." 
 
 Conscious of a certain intimacy with him that made 
 her feel nearer to him than to anyone else, Hagar was 
 strangely excited, though at the same time aware that it 
 was wrong indeed that their relationship should have 
 started upon such a terrible basis. 
 
 Greenfield met her at the corner and as they crossed 
 Sixth Avenue, Hagar was filled with determination. She 
 even let him have an inkling of this in her manner towards 
 him, though he, with not unnatural egotism, only took it 
 for a submissive consent, and was inwardly pleased. 
 
 " I've been thinking so much about everything," he 
 told her, as they crossed the street. " Yes, I've been 
 thinking a good deal." Then he said very suddenly, 
 " You do love to do startling things, don't you, Hagar? " 
 
 " Do you think so ? " she replied, rather more sweetly 
 than she desired. As a reassurance she told herself that 
 she would not start giving him the new understanding 
 until they reached the restaurant. 
 
 Greenfield was happy to find no resistance on her part 
 at his opening wedge. 
 
 " Yes, you act the way you think one should act who 
 is young and beautiful, and then, when it is all over, you 
 wonder why you didn't act the way you wanted to. Am I 
 not right?" 
 
 " You are very discerning," she said, looking up at
 
 Hagar Revelly 179 
 
 him under her long lashes, and using, for perhaps the 
 first time in her life, a word she had heard used only a day 
 before by a lady shopper. 
 
 As they walked along Broadway, Greenfield thought 
 she was never so beautiful as now. He told her this and 
 ended by saying, just as they entered a large restaurant 
 on Eighteenth Street, that he was making a bigger fool 
 of himself over her, than he had thought possible. 
 
 " Here I am coming back to you," he said. " I cer- 
 tainly didn't think I could." 
 
 Hagar did not answer him, deciding that as soon as 
 they sat down she would tell him what was really in her 
 mind. 
 
 They passed between long rows of tables, full of men 
 and women, and when they found their seats, her usually 
 pale cheeks were colored by a delicate tinge of red. It 
 was only the old sign of a certain embarrassment that 
 overcame her whenever she entered a public place. But 
 Greenfield took her blushes to himself and was proud. 
 
 As Hagar waited for their lunch, putting off from 
 minute to minute her desire to upbraid Greenfield, she 
 looked about the crowded room, and noticed a rather 
 stoutish man with red face and plaid waistcoat, seat him- 
 self at a table, where sat alone, two women. 
 
 The man spoke rather gruffly to them, and as she ob- 
 served, Hagar thought they showed some resentment. 
 One of the women wore a large, feathery hat that came 
 far down over her eyes. To her the man directed his at- 
 tention and the closeness of their table made it easy for 
 Hagar to hear their words. 
 
 Said the man, " I've seen you before. You were at 
 No. Seventh Ave. last fall, weren't you? " 
 
 The blonde woman smiled, and answered, " Yes, but 
 now I am at Then their talk became lower and 
 Hagar turned to Greenfield.
 
 180 Hagar Revelly 
 
 " Did you see what that man did ? " she exclaimed. " I 
 don't believe he even knew her." 
 
 " Oh, yes, he did," Greenfield remarked, airily. " They 
 were only playing. They knew you were listening. He 
 is probably her lover." 
 
 Then Greenfield said that they must get to their meal, 
 or they wouldn't have any time to talk before her hour 
 was over. 
 
 They ate in silence for some time, when presently 
 Greenfield, in soft low tones, interspersed by an occa- 
 sional gentle touch of Hagar's forearm, or hand, told her 
 how he was unable to think of anyone else, and how he 
 had missed her, so that he could not hold out any longer. 
 He belittled himself as he went on talking, told her ear- 
 nestly, how silly it was, after all, that a man his age should 
 think that a girl of her youth and beauty could care for 
 him. 
 
 His mind, planning, and full of the decadent symphony 
 that rang everlastingly in his being, now opened into 
 more scheming channels. He gained courage and tact, as 
 he saw her eyes soften, and as he went on, Hagar really 
 became less rebellious, more of a receptacle for his 
 words. 
 
 When he spoke sadly of his age, saying that he should 
 be a father to her instead of a man in love, she actually 
 felt sorry. 
 
 " Of course, I know what you think of me," he went on. 
 " You imagine that I'm playing with you for a little 
 amusement. But I ask you, why then do I not play with 
 the others? Oh, I know a face and I trust you with 
 everything. And I say it openly to you. I'm in love 
 with you, Hagar. That's it in a nutshell. I have been 
 ever since you came into the store that first day." 
 
 His hand was over her fingers, and she did not draw 
 them away.
 
 Hagar Revelly 181 
 
 There was in the mind of Greenfield one great joyous 
 realization. It was that he had quite suddenly stumbled 
 onto the fact that the predominant note in Hagar's 
 make-up was an abnormal amount of sympathy. He saw 
 that he might never have thought of it, he even wonderecj 
 how he had come to find it out. 
 
 It was three minutes past one o'clock when Hagar 
 pushed the button on the big register clock at the store. 
 She went alone, as Greenfield had thought it best for them 
 not to be seen entering together. 
 
 And not until closing time that afternoon did Hagar 
 suddenly realize she had forgotten entirely her resolve 
 to go to lunch with him only that she might have the 
 chance to let him understand what she thought, and how 
 she was determined to fight out the battle to be a good 
 woman. Instead she saw that she had a new kind of 
 understanding of him, felt a sympathy for him which his 
 word on parting, " Please, don't be sorry for me," did 
 not alter. 
 
 In the days that followed Greenfield was even more 
 kind to her, and gradually she found again a good deal 
 of happiness in being with him. She spent much time 
 in thinking about their new relationship, and before very 
 long she came to feel that although Greenfield would not 
 word it, he was beginning to see things in the way she 
 wanted. 
 
 After work one evening, Hagar in an impulse took the 
 ferry across to Hoboken. It seemed somewhat of a jaunt 
 to go across the dark water all alone, though the feeling 
 that really impelled her was the desire to get some place 
 away from people, where she could think about the prob- 
 lem that troubled her. 
 
 Taking a place on the upper deck where she could lean 
 against the railing and watch the towers of New York 
 grow dim in the settling dusk, she felt as if she were some
 
 182 Hagar Revelly 
 
 adventurer going on a journey of exploration. Once she 
 thought she could see the outlines of Rheinchild's electric 
 sign, but it melted into the night as the boat burrowed 
 onward. 
 
 But the trip offered little solace to her mood. Looking 
 over the city Hagar realized how small a part she played 
 in the great conglomerate mass. She felt so insignificant, 
 her work seemed so futile. As she thought, she remem- 
 bered what Greenfield had said to her when she told him of 
 her proposed trip. 
 
 " Yes, go over," he said, " and don't forget to think of 
 yourself, as you stand by the deck-rail and see New York 
 fade away." 
 
 At that moment she wondered if he knew how lonely this 
 would make her feel. 
 
 Looking at the black, purplish outlines in the haze, she 
 asked herself if he was not right after all. Of what use 
 was it to struggle. One only lived once, and life was the 
 way you made it. 
 
 She said this over to herself many times, before the boat 
 went into its slip, and each time found herself trembling 
 and hesitating. Yes, she was nothing, no more than a fly, 
 in the big city. And yet, if she didn't work she couldn't 
 live. Life seemed hard, especially if one got so little fun 
 out of living. She wondered why so many people wanted 
 to live, why men who were brave and strong didn't kill 
 themselves. 
 
 Standing there in the cold air of the bay, Hagar counted 
 on her fingers how many years it would take her to save 
 five hundred dollars, and found herself quite sobbing aloud 
 when she had reached three hundred, for then she would be 
 twenty-two, nearly an old woman. 
 
 When the boat made a wide turn at the dock, she looked 
 down into the eddying foamy wake, which appeared like a 
 path of bubbling ice cream, and thought of herself as
 
 Hagar Revelly 188 
 
 being one of the cold, white bubbles, and of the bay, and 
 the ocean and all that it led into, as being the world. 
 
 " That's what I amount to, I guess," she said to herself 
 several times. " I'm just one of those bubbles." 
 
 It was a strange idea, but it seemed so truthful, as she 
 stood looking down into the water, that she gave a little 
 gasp and turned away, trying hard to think of other 
 things. 
 
 Greenfield came to her mind again. And now, strangely, 
 a feeling of satisfaction shot through her, when she 
 realized that she had some one like him to turn to. 
 
 This was really about all her trip had accomplished, for 
 when she returned to the city and took the subway up- 
 town, she felt even more lonesome than ever. 
 
 A week later, an incident served to show her that Green- 
 field was no worse than other men. This came about at 
 an interview with the store physician, a man whom she had 
 always respected because of his dignified bearing. 
 
 For many days she had noticed a steady pain along the 
 calves of both her legs. On arising in the morning she 
 was quite relieved of this drawing, incessant ache, but at 
 about ten o'clock the pain would come slowly back again. 
 It seemed to start at her ankles and to extend all the way 
 up to the back of her thighs. The muscles of the calves 
 troubled her the most, and she noticed that they were hard 
 and sore to the touch. 
 
 One morning when the aching became quite intolerable, 
 and one of the girls, a little thin thing with chalky skin, 
 had told her at the lunch hour about a disease that made 
 the flesh turn to bone, she decided to seek medical advice. 
 An hour later she was seated in the physician's little office 
 telling him how she was troubled and that she feared this 
 terrible disease. 
 
 The doctor laughed and bared her foot and leg. Then 
 after searching the limb for a possible cause, he looked at
 
 184 Hagar Revelly 
 
 her foot, while Hagar felt sure, because of his mysterious 
 manner, some awful doom was about to be pronounced. 
 
 " You've got to wear a brace," he said. " Your arch 
 is giving away. Lots of the girls have the same trouble. 
 I'll write a little note for you to the firm that makes them. 
 It's a steel piece, covered with leather, that fits into the 
 shoe." 
 
 Then he gave the white skin of her foot an affectionate 
 pinch, adding: 
 
 " You're too pretty a piece of machinery to stand up 
 all day, anyway. Your foot was built to ride in auto- 
 mobiles. Tell Mr. Greenfield that I prescribe one 
 limousine for you." 
 
 He looked at her very queerly, and when he said suid- 
 denly that she must come back to-morrow " so that they 
 might have more time together," she felt somewhat 
 scared. 
 
 That night Hagar visited Miss Gillespie and told her 
 about the malady. It was the first time she had seen Miss 
 Gillespie for nearly a week, and she thought the woman 
 looked a little paler than usual. Miss Gillespie evidently 
 noticed Hagar's close scrutiny and said, with an effort at 
 light-heartedness, " No, Hagar, not drink this time. I'm 
 worried about you." 
 
 " About me, Miss Gillespie? " 
 
 "Yes, dearie, I don't care enough to be worried about 
 myself." 
 
 The woman placed herself comfortably at the foot of 
 the bed and after asking the surprised Hagar to sit down, 
 continued : " Yes, dear child, I've been watching you, 
 and my dear friend, Ben Greenfiejd." Then she asked in 
 rather curious fashion, " What is he doing with you, 
 Hagar? " 
 
 A few weeks before, Hagar would have told the woman 
 everything, had she asked itl But now, she felt that when
 
 Hagar Revelly 185 
 
 Greenfield had folded her in his arms, there was placed in 
 her a confidence and an obligation that was sacred. 
 Then, Greenfield had, at their last meeting, made her 
 promise that she would not tell. 
 
 " Why don't you answer me? " Miss Gillespie asked. 
 
 " Oh, why, there isn't anything to answer." Somehow 
 at this moment she was thinking how lonesome Greenfield 
 must be in his room, alone. 
 
 " Has he ever taken you out in the evenings ? " 
 
 Hagar hesitated. 
 
 '* Yes, a few times." 
 
 " Where did you go ? " 
 
 " Oh, why we went to some of the restaurants." 
 
 " No other places ? " 
 
 This questioning roused ire in the childish Hagar. 
 What right did this woman have to question her so? She 
 was capable of taking care of herself. It was always the 
 same, everyone wanted to boss her about. Why couldn't 
 they leave her alone? 
 
 And she said angrily : " I can't see why it should in- 
 terest you, Miss Gillespie." 
 
 The woman looked at Hagar with an odd, searching 
 glance which was full of soft humor and understanding. 
 
 " Please, dearie," she said, " don't get angry with me. 
 It is only for your own good that I talk in this way. You 
 don't suppose I would if I didn't care for you, do you? " 
 Her tones were a little harder now. " Yes, I am fond of 
 you, and I mean to watch you. I know Ben Greenfield 
 and all about his life on the ' Gay White Way,' though 
 I must confess I never thought he would pick on my poor 
 little Hagar." 
 
 " Who said he has picked on me? " 
 
 Miss Gillespie laughed. " Why you, dear, just now 
 when you got angry at my question. Oh, I know Green- 
 field, he's really pretty clever, makes a woman feel sorry
 
 186 Hagar Revelly 
 
 for his hard luck, works the sympathy racket. Oh, I 
 know him, Hagar." 
 
 " But I haven't told you anything," blurted out Hagar, 
 with an unconscious desire to prove to herself that she had 
 not given away his confidence. 
 
 " Yes, you have. You tried to protect him. That 
 answers my question." Miss Gillespie drew her feet upon 
 the bed, as if to make herself more comfortable. Then she 
 said, rather kindly, " Now tell me, Hagar, where did he 
 take you ? " 
 
 Hagar rose from her seat in the rocker. Her young, 
 soft face was flushed and her little hands were clutched 
 angrily together. 
 
 " I tell you, Miss Gillespie, you shouldn't talk that way 
 of him. He is very fond of me and well, if you 
 want to know it, he would marry me if I wanted to. Now 
 we won't talk about it any more." She stopped for a 
 moment and then went on impulsively, " I don't see what 
 it brings to be so darn good, anyway. You lecture to me 
 because you didn't manage right, and got the worst of it. 
 Why you lost out, and now you're only grouchy about it. 
 That's all. And then I've been thinking about something 
 else, too." 
 
 " What is it, Hagar? " 
 
 " Well, I've been thinking about people that are good 
 looking. For instance, you know that you're not good 
 looking and I'm beginning to find out that that's about 
 all there is in this world. Everybody tries to make it 
 easy for you if you've got the looks. I know I'm well, 
 not bad looking, and why should I make it just as hard 
 for myself as it is for those who haven't got the looks. 
 You know what I'm trying to say. Honestly, I'm getting 
 tired of being like everyone else. And then everybody 
 makes it so hard for me, just because I try. I don't see 
 why I do try. It would certainly be a whole lot easier for
 
 Hagar Revelly 187 
 
 me if I didn't. Oh, you don't know. Even to-day the 
 doctor at the store said something about it. Why, I 
 could have a dozen dates for the theatre and dinner, if I 
 wanted to. And I know some of the girls in the store 
 would be glad to take just one of them." 
 
 Miss Gillespie studied the serious little face for a long 
 time before she spoke. " Poor, foolish Hagar," she mur- 
 mured to herself. Then she changed the conversation to 
 other things, knowing that Hagar's impulsive nature 
 might lead them into some argument that would make 
 trouble between them. 
 
 As Miss Gillespie fell into a more reminiscent mood, 
 Hagar lost some of her seriousness the woman was 
 always interesting when she talked of herself. 
 
 After some time, which Miss Gillespie purposely let pass^ 
 for the belligerent Hagar to become more composed, 
 she began to tell of a love affair when about Hagar's 
 age. 
 
 " It was when I was eighteen, at a little summer resort 
 over in New Jersey," she said, adding that she had not 
 always had to work in a department store. 
 
 " I know," assented Hagar, vaguely urging her to go 
 on. 
 
 The woman continued: "And every year we used to 
 go down to this place, one of those typical summer hotels. 
 You know the kind of place everyone sitting on the ve- 
 randah and telling each other that they'd dare do any- 
 thing, because one is never serious in summer. 
 
 " Well, there weren't so many people at the hotel because 
 it wasn't very well known. So I was a sort of belle there, 
 though it was not much of a game, on account of the men. 
 There were only three that weren't married. Think of it, 
 two old fools and a young boy of about fifteen, a good- 
 looking little fellow who was going to some prep, school 
 in the East. He had blonde, curly hair and soft cheeks,
 
 188 Hagar Revelly 
 
 one of those sincere little chaps that you could tell any- 
 thing to and they'd believe it. You know the kind? " 
 
 " Sure." 
 
 " Well, I picked him out to play around with. I needed 
 somebody and I really liked the little fellow, anyway. He 
 was easy, and comfortable, although all the front porch 
 brigade gave me the devil for letting a little fellow like 
 that fall in love with me." 
 
 " Did he fall in love with you ? " interrupted Hagar. 
 
 " Yes, he fell in love with me, wrote notes, two and three 
 times a day, spent every cent he could get his hands on to 
 buy me flowers. 
 
 " It lasted that way for weeks. Then came the parting 
 time, and the hard part. He had to go back to school. 
 The last few nights it was pitiful to see the way he acted. 
 He went around sad, wouldn't speak to his mother even, 
 poor little fellow. 
 
 " He was in love with me like a man of thirty. And I 
 had been playing with him, thinking that he would under- 
 stand. But he didn't. Somehow I guess, an older woman 
 always attracts the younger men, but she always gets paid 
 back. She may do it until she's twenty or so, and then 
 the table changes. Well, back to my story. I saw that 
 my duty lay plainly in front of me, Hagar. He must be 
 made to see that I had only been fooling with him, had 
 only been using him as a little summer flirtation. 
 
 " And then the mother came to me and begged that I 
 talk plainly to Harold and tell him how foolish he was. I 
 didn't do that, but I did hit upon a great scheme. I saw 
 it wouldn't be right to flat-footedly tell him that I didn't 
 care for him, I had been playing the game too strong for 
 that. At least, I didn't have the heart to do it. I 
 decided, rather, that I would make him fall out of love 
 with me what I call a woman's prerogative maybe 
 that's not the right way to use it.
 
 Hagar Revelly 189 
 
 " Anyway, I went ahead with my plans. I've thought 
 about it a good many times since then. And I guess I've 
 regretted that boy affair, about as much as anything I 
 ever did. He's married now, living in California some 
 place, got three children and is pretty rich." 
 
 " That's a shame," interrupted Hagar. 
 
 " Well, they had a dance, and I decided to work my 
 plan. 
 
 " I knew how he had talked about a certain woman who 
 had come up from the city on a Sunday excursion. She 
 was all painted and frou-froued, and everyone in the hotel 
 ignored her. 
 
 " So, knowing his dislikes, I rouged my cheeks until 
 they looked like red apples, and then went downstairs to 
 the dance. 
 
 " He was standing in the doorway waiting for me. 
 
 " * Hello, Harold,' I said, rather coldly, and then went 
 in and had a dance with one of the old roues whom he 
 thought I disliked." 
 
 "Did he like that?" 
 
 " You should have seen him. At first he glared at me, 
 and when he saw me sit out the next dance with the same 
 old sport, I thought he'd murder me with his eyes. Well, 
 he disappeared and I saw him no more until the next morn- 
 ing. They told me he had gone into the bar and bought 
 a pint of whiskey, telling them it was for his mother, and 
 then had drank nearly all of it. And they said that when 
 the whiskey had taken effect, he swore and cursed me, until 
 he became so maudlin, they had to carry him upstairs to 
 his bed." 
 
 Miss Gillespie paused. " Now what do you think his 
 words were as he greeted his mother? " she asked of 
 Hagar. 
 
 " I can't imagine," said Hagar, rather excited. 
 
 " Well, they had no sooner thrown open the door and he
 
 190 'Hagar Revelly 
 
 saw his mother there, than he cried out, so that they could 
 hear him all over the house : ' Mother, my God, she's 
 painted, she's painted, mother.' " 
 
 " How funny," Hagar whispered. 
 
 " That was a lesson for me, Hagar," Miss Gillespie 
 went on. " I made him suffer and I felt so ashamed after- 
 wards, I would have done anything for him. And that's 
 what would happen if you went out thoughtlessly. You 
 can't do it. Well, they took him away the next morning. 
 You see, I was his ideal." 
 
 " I should think you would have felt very badly about 
 it," murmured Hagar, as the woman finished her story. 
 
 " Yes, I suffered the same way when I lost my ideal, so 
 I have no quarrel with God about it." 
 
 Miss Gillespie left that night with a word of warning. 
 
 A few nights later, Herrick called Hagar on the tele- 
 phone. His call was announced to her just as Miss Gilles- 
 pie was leaving her room, and it pleased her to have Miss 
 Gillespie know that Greenfield was not taking up all of 
 her time. She was pleased, too, because Greenfield, having 
 been called to Baltimore on some business, Herrick's visit 
 would break her spell of loneliness. 
 
 When Hagar came back into the room, her face happy 
 and smiling, Miss Gillespie asked for the cause of it. 
 
 " Who do you think is coming? " 
 
 " I can't imagine," replied the woman. 
 
 " You'd never guess." 
 
 Miss Gillespie took one long chance. " Herrick? " 
 
 " Now what do you think of that ? " exclaimed Hagar. 
 " How did you know ? " 
 
 " I didn't know who else it could be, except Greenfield, 
 and I know he is out of town." 
 
 " Yes, it's Herrick. Do you like him? " asked Hagar. 
 
 " Yes, I do, from the one time I saw him," said Miss 
 Gillespie. " He's clean cut and decent looking,"
 
 Hagar Revelly 191 
 
 Herrick took Hagar to one of the big dance halls in 
 Harlem that night. He told her he had been working 
 hard for over a week and wanted to " celebrate." Feeling 
 that she had neglected him, Hagar readily fell in with his 
 wish. Not having seen him for a few weeks, she now 
 learned that he had been planning to leave her mother's 
 house for some time, and that only the day before, he had 
 taken a much larger room, with a bath attached, on One 
 Hundred and Sixteenth Street. 
 
 " I think it will make it easier to see you, Hagar," he 
 told her. " Somehow I always felt that I must account 
 to your mother whenever I left you and went home." 
 
 As they went down the steps of the Elevated, Hagar 
 thought him better looking than formerly. He had on a 
 high folded collar, of which the points came close together 
 in front, and his hair was brushed back sleek. It changed 
 his appearance a good deal. 
 
 " I've wanted to see you for three weeks," he said, when 
 they had found their seat. " Why haven't you been home 
 when I called? " 
 
 " I've been so busy." 
 
 " Busy? You little devil, I'll bet you've been leading 
 some fellow a merry chase." 
 
 " You think you are discerning, Mr. Herrick, don't 
 you ? " she answered. " Well, you're wrong. My new 
 job tires me out so, and then, I haven't wanted to see 
 anyone, anyway." 
 
 " You don't appreciate me, Hagar." 
 
 " What do you want ? " 
 
 " Oh, be kind to me." 
 
 " You think you need it ? " 
 
 Her question came roguishly, but at that moment she 
 happened to look into his face and saw that he was down- 
 cast and sad. More kindly she said: 
 
 "Why, what's the matter, Mr. Herrick?"
 
 Hagar Revelly 
 
 He took her hand gently. " Well, in the first place, 
 we've known each other long enough for you to always 
 call me Frank, and in the second place, just just real- 
 ize that I am crazy about you." 
 
 " Now don't be foolish." 
 
 She pulled away, but he squeezed her hand more tightly, 
 and after a time, she offered little resistance. No one 
 in the car could see, for with some forethought, he had 
 bought a newspaper. 
 
 In the quarter of an hour that it took them to reach the 
 dance hall from the Elevated station, he talked more of 
 himself than in all their previous meetings. 
 
 Hagar realized, quite suddenly, that it was a comrade, 
 a playmate, that she was needing, that she had needed all 
 along ; some one to be gay with and frolicsome, where the 
 relationship was not serious, and where there was never 
 talk about the terrible things, such as Greenfield had 
 always on his tongue. 
 
 Hagar thought about this as they walked on, and only 
 once, when Herrick noticed her quietness and squeezed her 
 arm and just for the pleasure of seeing him pout, she 
 lectured him, was her mind taken away from this thought. 
 
 It seemed to her now that she had done a terrible thing 
 in spending such a long time with Greenfield, with his 
 worrying talk and unhappy plans. With him, it had 
 always been problems. She thought of all she had en- 
 dured with him. It made her sad even to think about it 
 now. And at that moment she decided never again to be 
 sad and unhappy, but always frivolous and light-hearted. 
 Herrick might help her along in that line, she thought. 
 Life was so short. Even Greenfield had preached that. 
 And how much younger she felt with this man at her side. 
 
 They were within two blocks of the dance hall. Herrick 
 was telling her of past vicissitudes, and stirring night-time 
 adventures, while she cast furtive sidelong glances at him.
 
 Hagar Revelly 193 
 
 It rather thrilled her to listen to his daring tales. Some- 
 how he made her feel proud to be with him. 
 
 Although everything Herrick said was marked by 
 youthful bravado, his words came to her understanding 
 like a sparkling sunlight that threw its splendor on all the 
 dark, worrying days of the past weeks. Hagar even made 
 him walk a little ahead of her for a time, so that she could 
 look at his square shoulders, his close-cropped blonde hair 
 in the back and the broad clean-shaven nape of his neck 
 a conceit which he was at a loss to fathom. Just before 
 they reached the dance hall there even came over her a 
 desire to be near him, to feel those muscles that lay pli- 
 antly under his coat sleeve. 
 
 At the moment, she could not help comparing him with 
 Greenfield, and she realized how the other man's curly hair 
 and worn face had bothered her. She remembered too, 
 that Greenfield's arms were soft and not muscular. 
 
 Looking at Herrick's back, as at her command he walked 
 ahead of her, she thought to herself : " He's a dear 
 fellow and I've been mean to him. Yes, I've been a fool." 
 
 When Herrick came laughingly back to her, they walked 
 along slowly, Herrick gay and light-hearted, and Hagar 
 also happy in being with someone who caused her no fear 
 and gave her no cause for worrying. 
 
 Gaining the Trocadero, or the Hall of Joy, as Herrick 
 called it, Hagar waited in the vestibule, while he went in 
 to get the tickets. 
 
 She had thought they were to be spectators, but as he 
 came out, Herrick exclaimed : 
 
 " I've bought dancing tickets for two. We'll have a 
 great time, if you like to dance." 
 
 He said it with some doubt in his voice, and she 
 answered quickly : " Oh, yes, you bet. I love to dance." 
 
 However, after they went in, the hall was so crowded 
 they decided to sit in the balcony for a while.
 
 194 Hagar Revelly 
 
 It had turned suddenly cold during the day and the hall 
 was overheated. A low balcony ran around the entire 
 room and in many places under its shadow, were couples 
 sitting and drinking, with a draught blowing on them 
 from the open windows. 
 
 Over-developed young girls, with weird, searching eyes, 
 promenaded during the intermissions, stopping now and 
 then to converse with the sallow-faced youths that stood 
 along the edge of the cleared floor. Everyone wore a look 
 of strange, unnatural eagerness, and Hagar could not 
 resist letting herself slip into the same mood. 
 
 Sitting quietly beside Herrick, she gazed on the 
 dancers' gyrations, which corresponded so closely with the 
 sensuous music, eager for a better acquaintance with this 
 happy bohemian life. Every now and then, as some 
 dancer would whirl past them, she would exclaim : " How 
 fascinating ! " 
 
 Herrick was more interested in watching her than in 
 looking down upon the dancers. He understood easily. 
 the metamorphosis that was taking place in her. He saw 
 the eagerness, recklessness, abandon, straying into her 
 eyes and lips and mouth. 
 
 She was indeed enjoying herself and he felt pleased and 
 happy with her, even quite pleased with himself for having 
 thought of this place. Hagar had shown such a disin- 
 clination to be unconventional, like the other girls he knew, 
 that he had hesitated to take her out at all. As he called 
 for her that evening, he had pictured in his mind, a few 
 dreary hours spent monotonously in the parlor, or if they 
 did go out together, some petty quarrels and arguments. 
 Now he was indeed happy to see how he had been mistaken. 
 
 He turned to her and said, " Do you like it here, 
 Hagar? " 
 
 " Oh, I certainly do," she replied. " Do you come here 
 often?"
 
 Hagar Revelly 195 
 
 " Oh, I cpme here a good deal. But I'm certainly glad 
 you like it." 
 
 A jaded girl with a thin pink dress and dark purplish 
 rings of dissipation under her eyes, began dancing the 
 Bear Dance, with one of the sallow-faced youths. Every- 
 one clapped when they had finished, and as she threw a 
 kiss to a group of friends in a corner, the golden bracelet 
 around her thin wrist caught the light and sparkled like 
 a brilliant. 
 
 After the applause had died out the tired musicians ac- 
 cepted a round of drinks brought to them by a bleary- 
 eyed mulatto waiter. 
 
 Presently, another dance started up, a whirling, reckless 
 affair, and everybody laughed and clapped again. 
 
 It was all a sham and sickly gaiety, and even Herrick 
 was a little aware of this, but to Hagar, who saw only the 
 surface glitter of the sodden place, and heard only the 
 eager responsiveness in her own youthful being, this was 
 the real life. Before the evening had passed, she had 
 drunk a glass of beer and had danced a waltz with Her- 
 rick's strong arms holding her close in to him. 
 
 Delightful times followed that evening. Herrick took 
 her to the theatre, to the different cafes, they sat and 
 talked, confiding, complaining, imparting hidden secrets 
 of their past. To Hagar it was very wonderful to be 
 young again, and gay. It was so sweet to have a comrade 
 and companion. 
 
 He called her up on the telephone every morning before 
 she went to work, and not a day passed that she didn't send 
 him a note, should it happen that they could not see each 
 other. 
 
 Greenfield and his wishes had really passed out of her 
 mind, except for the time she saw him at the store. She 
 told the manager whenever he stopped and asked her how 
 she waj getting along, and why she was avoiding him, that
 
 196 Hagar Revelly 
 
 it was because she was thinking about what he proposed, 
 and that she didn't want to see him until she had decided. 
 Her little hypocrisy always made her laugh, after he 
 walked so quietly away from her. 
 
 But she thought very little of Greenfield. Her days 
 were too full of other things. Each morning, as she 
 awoke with the sun shining in upon her, was a fresh foun- 
 tain of expectancy. Sometimes when she walked to the 
 subway in the rare, crisp spring air, she felt as if Heaven 
 had looked down upon her and had spread over her some 
 magic kind of mantle. 
 
 As the days went by Hagar grew more and more fond 
 of Herrick. Her life seemed even too full of happiness to 
 spend a moment in sleeping or eating. For long periods 
 at a time she would find herself sitting with nothing in her 
 head but an inexplainable feeling of happiness, and in her 
 soul the vague sense of pleasure that comes to one who 
 loves, that sense of pleasure that makes one liken every 
 shadow, every spot of sunshine to some word or thought of 
 their lover. 
 
 When she looked into the mirror and perceived how 
 radiant and fresh she looked, and then compared herself 
 to what she had been only a few months before, she felt 
 so exultant, that had Herrick been near, she would have 
 taken him in her arms and hugged him. Very distinctly 
 now, she remembered how worn out she had formerly been 
 when she went out with Greenfield. 
 
 Hagar and Herrick saw each other almost^ every 
 evening. Sometimes they found a strange happiness in 
 being silent, and would spend hours together, without a 
 word from each other. 
 
 Then, on other evenings, they would tear around from 
 one bohemian place to the other, with Herrick always 
 boyishly eager to spend his last penny, and Hagar repri- 
 manding him for his recklessness.
 
 Hagar Revelly 197 
 
 She had a task now, to save him from his own daring, 
 and she took an astonishing delight in this mission, making 
 him stop his incessant smoking of cigarettes and giving 
 her his solemn word that he would never drink again. 
 
 And when, for a few weeks, he gave her a part of his 
 salary to keep safely for him, she was pleased inex- 
 pressibly. 
 
 At night, when it was time for them to part so that both 
 could get a decent rest, the ordeal was a Spartan one. 
 But it pleased her to make this sacrifice, for his health's 
 sake, and she found a certain comfort in her common 
 sense. He responded to her caresses and commands like 
 a toy. She would say, " Time to go now," and he would 
 pout and look sad-eyed, and then as she petted his cheeks 
 and said, " Poor boy," he would give a great boyish laugh, 
 and kiss the lips that were uttering the command. 
 
 At other times she would murmur sweet words into 
 his ears in an impulse of pity, which he found could 
 always be brought on by telling her how hard he was 
 working. 
 
 Time passed. One Sunday they went into the country, 
 to a queer little place a few miles up on the Hudson. It 
 was wonderful to be in the woods in the spring sunshine, 
 and after taking lunch at the hotel, they found a path that 
 led through a pretty forest glen, all alive with sprouting 
 maples and elm trees. It was early spring, and they came 
 to many soggy places, little miniature swamps. More 
 than once he lifted her over a marshy spot, where, shaded 
 by the trees, the last remnants of a snow storm lay perish- 
 ing. 
 
 Once a great windfall, with its bruised bark, lay directly 
 across their path, and by common impulse they halted 
 their arm-in-arm progress to sit on its trunk. 
 
 Something compelled them to talk in hushed voices, and 
 for a long time they sat there quietly.
 
 198 Hagar Revelly 
 
 Then, in the trees overhead, a solitary robin, chirping 
 ' gaily, attracted their attention. Its red breast stood out 
 like a drop of blood against the lofty blue sky. 
 
 " Isn't it wonderful, dear, with all the birds and trees ? " 
 she whispered, solemnty, as if afraid that the forest might 
 hear. 
 
 " Wonderful," he whispered back. 
 
 For a long time they sat with arms around each other, 
 their feet dangling above the ground. When they talked, 
 they always spoke in the same hushed voice, as if they 
 must needs match up with the silence and hush of the 
 forest. 
 
 " It's great being here like this, isn't it, Hagar? " said 
 he, after a spell of stillness. 
 
 " Oh, I should say so. I just love it. Don't you? " 
 
 " I should say. It's just like that story about the two 
 orphans in the woods. It's just like we were the onl}' 
 people in the world, as if there wasn't anyone else but just 
 you and me." 
 
 " Tell me about the story, Frank." 
 
 " Oh, I don't remember it, but it's something about two 
 orphans being lost in the woods and then they got married, 
 or something, and lived happily ever after." 
 
 She clasped his hand tightly. 
 
 "That's pretty near like us, isn't it?" after she had 
 thought about the fairy tale. 
 
 " Well, we're happy anyway, aren't we, Hagar ? " 
 
 " I should say," she sighed. " Aren't you awfully 
 happy? " 
 
 " Sure I am." 
 
 " I certainly never was happy like this," she confided ; 
 " why I'm happy all the time now. I just go to bed feel- 
 ing so happy, Frank, and when I wake up I well, I'm 
 just happy, that's all." 
 
 The conversation drifted on to how pleased she was that
 
 Hagar Revelly 199 
 
 he gave up all his vices. He asked why he ought not make 
 the sacrifices, if she desired them. 
 
 " Why shouldn't I," he said; " if you wanted it? " 
 
 " It was good of you just the same," she replied, ear- 
 nestly. 
 
 They had spent a long time in this lover-like companion- 
 ship, when they noticed that darkness was coming on and 
 the air was getting chilled from the absence of the sun. 
 
 "Don't you think we'd better go?" suggested Hagar, 
 with the wish that they could stay there indefinitely. 
 
 He looked around. 
 
 " Say, it is getting late, isn't it? " he exclaimed. 
 
 Then he took her in his arms and started to lift her 
 from the log, though first he planted a long, ardent kiss 
 on her lips. 
 
 When she pushed him away, she said, playfully, " You're 
 a naughty boy, I nearly lost my breath ; I thought you'd 
 never finish." 
 
 The remark seemed so droll that both nearly fell off 
 the log, from laughter. 
 
 It was quite dark and cold when they reached the little 
 inn-like hotel. The train back to the city was caught with 
 just a few seconds to spare.
 
 CHAPTER XVI 
 
 SPRING neared its end and the hot sultry (days of early 
 summer took the place of exhilarating zephyrs and crisp 
 sunshine. 
 
 Hagar's companionship with Herrick was now an ac- 
 cepted affair of love, with all the exaltation, all the less- 
 ened forethought of youth, coupled with its sweet vigor 
 and fragrance. With him she was happy always. If a 
 night passed that she did not hear from him, she was 
 obsessed by a sadness that engulfed her, spending hours 
 on end, listening for the telephone, starting with a clutch 
 at her heart at each little fantastic tingle, and terribly 
 unhappy and mournful, if she had to seek her bed with 
 word from him, still wrapped in the black silence of the 
 night. 
 
 Sometimes it happened that after she had gone to bed 
 his belated ring down in the hallway would awaken her 
 out of some unhappy dream. Then she would rush out of 
 bed athirst for his voice, and it would seem that life 
 were again worth the living. 
 
 The telephone became their best means of communica- 
 tion. She grew to nearly know the ring of his call. To 
 think there had to be a central who brought them 
 together was hard to bear. It seemed wrong that anyone 
 should share in this message of affection between her lover 
 and herself. When she heard his warm voice, it was as if 
 he had actually come and touched her, as if his words were 
 little winged kisses that flew over the wires and nestled on 
 her lips ; as if lingering there, they would say : " Poor 
 
 dear, here are his kisses." 
 
 200
 
 Hagar Revelly 201 
 
 And after such a time as this, when a belated vigil had 
 at last been rewarded, she would rush into Miss Gillespie's 
 room or into Miss LaMotte's and talk herself hoarse about 
 her work at the store, or a new idea in the management of 
 her position, while all the time she would be thinking of 
 Herrick. 
 
 Her thoughts were of him always. One day she saw 
 a man in the street wearing a hat that resembled one 
 Herrick wore. She rushed after him, so that she could see 
 his face. There was a hurried " Excuse me," and the man 
 was left in wonderment. ' He could not know how empty 
 was her heart after this disappointment. 
 
 Hagar's love for Herrick made a marked change in her 
 attitude towards those about her. She was more genial 
 and kind, and even talked more amiably to Greenfield. 
 
 Noticing this, Greenfield felt sure that it would not be 
 long before she responded to his desires. He told himself 
 with more assurance that he must only hold out and give 
 her time. To Miss Gillespie also, Hagar was sweeter, and 
 the woman was made happier because now she felt, as she 
 watched Hagar's crazy little rushes about the place, that 
 the child was content again, and had now found balance in 
 the youthful pleasures offered by Herrick. 
 
 " You're just like a little furry kitten these days, 
 Hagar," the woman would say. " I'm so glad." 
 
 One evening, Hagar found her lover in a mood that was 
 taciturn, even tinged with a slight melancholy. He told 
 her the cause was an unkind word at the factory and the 
 fear that he might be laid off on account of an unusually 
 dull season. She tried to cheer him by her sympathy and 
 caresses, and when his face at last brightened again, she 
 felt a great pride in the fact that she had been of service 
 to him. To herself she reflected, that he needed her, and 
 wished that she could share all his troubles in this manner. 
 She wished that she might ever be his servitor.
 
 202 Hagar Revelly 
 
 That evening they went into a cafe, and every chord 
 from the orchestra's strings breathed indescribable charm 
 to her. It made her realize more than ever before 
 Herrick's ability for keeping her in a land of enchantment. 
 They sat for three hours in an ecstatic silence and only 
 the glances that crossed between them, showed the tumult 
 of emotion that was being engendered. 
 
 Herrick managed to get ahold of money during this 
 period so that they might keep up their hunt for pleasure. 
 Once she missed the signet ring that he usually wore, and 
 knew that he had pawned it. Somehow this made him 
 seem to her more manly. She was affected a good deal 
 when she thought that he cared so much for her as to 
 make this sacrifice. 
 
 One Saturday evening, toward fall, a railroad advertise- 
 ment on a Broadway surface car caught their eyes, and 
 almost simultaneously, they decided on the morrow to re- 
 visit the little place on the Hudson. 
 
 Herrick called for her at the boarding house at about 
 noontime the next day, and they reached the West Forty- 
 second Street ferry, just in time to board their boat. 
 Their hurried plunge through the crowd left them breath- 
 less and flushed. 
 
 " Supposing we had missed the boat," she exclaimed. 
 
 " I guess we would have had to walk," he replied. 
 
 " Foolish boy." 
 
 " Well, we wanted to have a little holiday together, 
 didn't we?" 
 
 The boat was moving slowly out into the bay, tooting 
 and puffing its way, like some huge, clumsy, water animal. 
 
 " Didn't we ? " he asked again. 
 
 Hagar took his hands and looked kindly into his stern 
 set face, happy because she knew that of all the people 
 who might see him, she alone was able to read what lay in 
 his thoughts.
 
 Hagar Revelly 203 
 
 " Of course, boy," she answered. 
 
 "Well?" 
 
 "Well?" 
 
 " Then we would have walked because it's the only place 
 I know where people don't bother you. I think I'll take 
 a year's lease on it and rent it out to lovers." He laughed 
 at the idea. 
 
 " Yes, how grand," she cried. " Then I could take 
 tickets at the gate and see that only real lovers like us 
 got in." 
 
 Herrick nodded meditatively, adding that they might 
 not do much business, because they were the only two real 
 lovers in the world. 
 
 It was mid-afternoon when they reached -the little inn. 
 A soft grey mist, laden with a purplish refraction of the 
 sun, lay in a heavy blanket over the river and chased away 
 their desire for a boat ride. 
 
 But on land the air was clear and fragrant, and from 
 the trees overhead, came a sighing breath of wind. 
 
 " It's certainly a great day, Frank," said Hagar, after 
 they had climbed the steep path back of the hotel. 
 
 A wish came into her mind to walk along a certain 
 wooded pathway, where they could be alone, and the 
 shadows unmindful. 
 
 Herrick, reading the unspoken words, said : " Our old 
 walk, then, Hagar? " 
 
 Quickly agreeing, Hagar added that they shouldn't 
 come in with the first appearance of dusk, but should get 
 a basket with sandwiches at the hotel and stay out and 
 watch the moon rise over the water. 
 
 It seemed a fine idea, and for a moment they quarrelled 
 petulantly, both claiming ownership to the happy sug- 
 gestion. Then they ran down the hill to the hotel for 
 the basket of lunch. 
 
 The inn was kept by a middle-aged man and his wife,
 
 204 Hagar Hevelly 
 
 and the childlessness of their domicile was made appar- 
 ent by the number of cats that shared their home. Mrs. 
 Mallory carried a pet kitten on her shoulder, while her 
 husband sat upon the verandah, his pipe in his mouth 
 and two big, grey, purring animals at his feet. They 
 were very kind people and to Hagar they showed their 
 regard by their petting, solicitous words and caressing 
 glances, while to Herrick they said, as the pair went off 
 gaily with a heavy basket: 
 
 " Take good care of the little lady, young man." 
 
 " Oh, I will," Herrick laughed, saying that he was as 
 fond of Hagar as they were. 
 
 As the young people went up the hill back of the house, 
 the old man and his wife stood in the sunlight on the 
 porch, waving a farewell until they had disappeared. 
 
 " They're funny, aren't they," Hagar said, as soon as 
 they were out of ear-shot. " But the old lady's a dear. 
 She thought you wouldn't take good care of me, didn't 
 she?" 
 
 " Yes, I suppose she was afraid I'd throw you from 
 some precipice, or into some chasm of oblivion." 
 
 " Whatever that means," Hagar added quickly. 
 
 They were walking along Indian fashion, through a 
 thickly wooded trail, and Herrick was too much occu- 
 pied in separating the low-hanging branches to notice 
 her remark. 
 
 But she called his attention to the big words he had 
 used, and he answered: 
 
 " Why, Hagar, do you mean that you don't know what 
 a chasm is ? " 
 
 She laughed playfully. " I don't know what an ob- 
 livious chasm is. I'm not a teacher of geography, or 
 whatever it is that talks about chasms and things." She 
 added as if she were hurt, " I don't think you ought to 
 to make fun of me, either."
 
 Hagar Revelly 205 
 
 Herrick relieved the situation by saying that he was 
 not serious and that she only lacked sense of humor. 
 Then he turned around to her and, as an apology, kissed 
 her, while she, in acknowledgment of the offering, slipped 
 her hands through his arm and gave it a slight but well- 
 meaning squeeze. 
 
 " You must teach me all these wonderful things, my 
 boy," said she, very softly. 
 
 In silence they walked up a steep hill, until they found 
 a grassy plot that was not too rolling. Here they en- 
 sconced themselves. 
 
 Down in the valley the waving tops of the maples and 
 elms danced gaily in the fading sunlight, and off in the 
 distance, hanging like a halo over the curving ribbon of 
 water, was a faint rainbow, flaunting its subtle colors in 
 the dying glow. 
 
 " Let us watch the sunset from here," suggested 
 Hagar. 
 
 " Isn't it too windy ? " he asked. 
 
 " It will die down with the sunset." 
 
 She threw her jacket on the ground, and then pulled 
 him down beside her. 
 
 " The grass will get damp pretty soon. We ought 
 to have thought and brought a blanket." 
 
 " Oh, I don't thin'k it will get very bad," Hagar re- 
 plied. 
 
 For a long time they sat in peace. Hagar was so 
 happy; her heart so full and yet so light; she felt as if 
 they were floating above the world in some big ship that 
 kept them beyond all bother and trouble. Sitting 
 quietly, they held each other's hands and looked out over 
 the river. 
 
 Presently their attention was diverted by a daring 
 little woodpecker, who began pecking his way into 
 a tree a few feet from them. For a time both Hagar
 
 206 'Hagar Revelly 
 
 and Herrick were lost in regarding its energetic labor. 
 
 " He's working his head off, and jet he won't ever get 
 any place," Herrick said, as they watched its efforts. 
 " That's the way a good many of us do, I guess." 
 
 Listening to his words, Hagar discovered a bit of sad- 
 ness in them. 
 
 " Don't be unhappy, Frank," she exclaimed, as she 
 puckered her lips. " You couldn't be if you knew how 
 happy I was." 
 
 Then the woodpecker flew away and left them both 
 staring at the setting sun, which, like a rim of red and 
 gold, was slowly disappearing behind a rift of clouds in 
 the horizon. 
 
 " We really ought to be happy, dear," she said, very 
 quietly. " Everybody else is so unhappy." 
 
 Herrick regarded her with a kindly glance. 
 
 " Yes, I know, but it's pretty hard to keep from 
 thinking, when you see what happens to people, just be- 
 cause they don't." 
 
 "Don't what?" 
 
 " Oh, don't think, and plan ahead." 
 
 " Oh, I know, but I think one gets along just the same, 
 sometimes even better, don't you? " 
 
 Feeling intuitively that under her words was veiled the 
 understanding that he took life too seriously (she had 
 told him that before), he said: 
 
 " You don't know how the world is balanced, Hagar. 
 When there is somebody really happy on one end of the 
 plank, there is somebody on the other end who has lost 
 what the other has gained, and is just as unhappy." 
 
 Hagar studied his serious, expressive face before she 
 spoke. 
 
 " You talk in such riddles sometimes, Frank. You are 
 just like father when he discussed Wagner. It used to 
 bore me to death."
 
 Hagar Revelly 207 
 
 " I'm sorry, little girl." 
 
 But now there was something so strange in his tone 
 that she turned to him and found him staring vacantly 
 off into the settling dusk below them in the valley. 
 
 She gave his coat sleeve a little tug, as if to bring him 
 to his senses. " For heaven's sake, Frank, don't let's get 
 sad." 
 
 And he jerked his head back and squared his shoulders 
 at her pleading. 
 
 " Of course, we won't," he exclaimed. " We'll be 
 happy like two kids, the two in the woods yes? " 
 
 " Sure," she replied seriously. " It's the only way 
 to be." 
 
 Coming up the river in the distance was a little steamer. 
 
 " Oh, look at the Albany boat." He directed her gaze 
 with his finger. " Doesn't it look like a big grey bug, 
 crawling along in the dark? " 
 
 " It certainly does." 
 
 " How would you like to be on it, Hagar? " 
 
 " I'd rather be here," she laughed. " We'd have to be 
 sitting stiffly against the rails, there." 
 
 They watched the boat until the darkness crept up and 
 enveloped them. And then, as the stars began peeping 
 out from behind the weird banks of clouds, Herrick was 
 inspired to repeat to her a little poem he had come across 
 and memorized a year before. 
 
 " The spell is broke, the charm is flown 
 Thus is it with life's fitful fever: 
 We madly smile when we should groan 
 Delirium is our best deceiver. 
 
 Each lucid interval of Thought 
 Recalls the woes of nature's charter 
 And he that acts as wise men ought 
 But lives, as saints have died, a martyr."
 
 208 Hagar Revelly 
 
 " Oh, how wonderful," she exclaimed, when he had fin- 
 ished. "You didn't write that, did you? " 
 
 " No not exactly. It's something from Lord Byron. 
 I saw it once and learned it. I think it's wonderful, 
 don't you? It's got so much feeling in it." 
 
 " Wonderful, indeed," she agreed. " I didn't even 
 know you liked poetry." 
 
 " Well, it's the only one I know, but I love it. Don't 
 you?" 
 
 " Yes." 
 
 " Yes, I like it a lot," he added. 
 
 " So do I." 
 
 Hagar threw herself on her back, her hands folded un- 
 der her head, her eyes studying the stars. 
 
 In this manner she lay silently for some time, looking 
 up at the changing patterns, watching each little spot 
 of twinkling light as it made its first appearance. Fall- 
 ing into a reverie, she dreamed herself a queen, walking 
 through the silvery bowers of the stars. She was so 
 happy . . . every streak in the sky seemed a Jacob's 
 Ladder leading to future bliss, and every rung of it 
 that she trod was jewelled with porphyry or topaz, and 
 garlanded by wreaths of delicate spring-time blossoms. 
 
 Then she gave a deep sigh. 
 
 "What's the matter, Hagar?" he asked. 
 
 " Oh, Frank, I'm just thinking how wonderful it is to be 
 up here, away from everybody, all alone." 
 
 He too lay back by her side. 
 
 " I see the great dipper," he cried out boyishly. 
 
 "Where?" 
 
 To show it to her, he drew closer and passed one arm 
 under her head. With the other he pointed it out to her. 
 
 They studied the heavens until they had exhausted 
 all the old figures: the Little Dipper, the Great Bear, 
 the Milky Way; then they began counting the stars
 
 that lay wedged in between two great ropes of clouds. 
 
 But the clouds moved with the wind and more and more 
 stars showed themselves, and at last,, after they had 
 counted the numbers aloud with greater and greater ra- 
 pidity they became very excited. 
 
 " Oh, such fun," Hagar laughed. 
 
 Soon they gave up this occupation to watch the slow 
 mounting of a great, large star at the horizon. Slowly it 
 moved up into the heavens, and Hagar was astonished to 
 learn from him that the stars had motion. 
 
 He tried to explain to her that there' were little sys- 
 tems, each with its own course to pursue.. 
 
 " I thought it was the earth that moved," she pro- 
 tested. 
 
 Herrick thought a moment, somewhat puzzled. 
 
 " Well, maybe you're right. But I believe it is the 
 way I say." 
 
 *' I never heard of it before," Hagar commented. 
 
 Using his fingers as imaginary bodies, he tried to ex- 
 plain to her this theory, a little doubtful himself as to 
 the correctness of his remark. 
 
 When -he had finished, he said : " That's what they call 
 astronomy." 
 
 Hagar looked upon him full of admiration. " Gee, 
 Frank, you certainly know a lot, don't you ? " 
 
 With a modest shrug of his shoulders, he laughed 
 off her exclamation, though Hagar's eyes were still 
 searching him proudly. 
 
 Then Herrick saw another planet rise along the black 
 rim of the earth. He tried to point it out to her, but 
 she could not locate it. 
 
 Angered with herself, she cried : " I can't find it." 
 
 " You can if you try." 
 
 "Oh, where is it?" 
 
 " There it is, where my finger is pointed."
 
 210 Hagar Revelly 
 
 "Oh, Frank!" 
 
 " There, don't you see ? It's coming up now, right in 
 the path of the Big Dipper. Don't you see it ? " 
 
 " No you foolish boy." 
 
 And as they lay, laughing at her inability to find the 
 star, their bodies suddenly touched, and instantly, by 
 common consent, as if they had been fighting off the im- 
 pulse all evening, their lips met in a long, impetuous, 
 heated kiss. 
 
 " I love you, Hagar. Do you love me? " 
 
 " Yes," she whispered. 
 
 The next instant they were struggling desperately in 
 each other's arms, and a moment later he had won her. 
 
 . . . The moon had come into its own, caparisoned 
 in a medley of yellow and red; the stars were echoing 
 faint, silent messages to each other in the firmament above 
 them. 
 
 Side by side they sat, isolated, alone and beyond a 
 worldly turmoil. 
 
 Hagar took his hand and entwined her dainty fingers 
 amongst his own. 
 
 " I love you very, very much, Frank," she murmured. 
 
 He remarked that he could outline the distant ap- 
 proach of a locomotive on the shining rails in the valley 
 below. 
 
 " We'd better be going," he said. " It must be late." 
 
 She did not heed his words, only searching his face 
 and whispering : " How wonderful it will be, Frank, 
 when we are married." 
 
 Her words startled Herrick somewhat, but he whispered 
 back, " Yes, darling." 
 
 As they walked to the inn there was chastity in her 
 thoughts, and a deep belief in her heart of hearts that 
 now she had entered into perpetual happiness.
 
 CHAPTER XVII 
 
 A SERIES of moods, unusual indeed to the phlegmatic 
 Greenfield, overtook him after he became actually aware 
 of Hagar's indifference. 
 
 At times he would be gay and go out upon the streets 
 or to the different restaurants, and meet his friends, in 
 his usual affable, pleasant manner; again he would be sol- 
 emn, morose, and show palpable signs of his unhappiness 
 to anyone who would come near him. 
 
 During this period he often walked the streets wonder- 
 ing why he was so different now, so disturbed, when all 
 the old possibilities for pleasure were still at hand. He 
 would walk along, a tight grip upon the handle of his 
 cane, murmuring that he did not deserve this lonesome- 
 ness, that he must get above it, and not be such a 
 fool. Breathing self-imprecations, forming new reso- 
 lutions for the future, he would stalk from one place to 
 another. 
 
 As the weeks passed and he was becoming actually 
 aware that Hagar was growing farther apart from him, 
 and that he was probably losing her, a species of unrest 
 belayed him that brought to his life probably the intens- 
 est feeling of loneliness he had ever suffered. Many 
 times he would be so worn out from thinking and analyz- 
 ing that he would retire early in the evening, only to be 
 up at twelve or one o'clock, dressed again, confessing to 
 himself that he could not get to bed so peaceably. If 
 he stayed up till very late, a feeling of dissatisfaction 
 overcame him for having passed through the whole even- 
 ing without any real pleasure or diversion. 
 
 211
 
 Hagar Revelly 
 
 One evening he dined in a Broadway restaurant with 
 some friends that he had known when his life had been 
 gayer, and another time he played poker with some theat- 
 rical managers until nearly breakfast time. But this did 
 not attract him at all in the manner it formerly had, and 
 when another party was suggested by them to take him 
 out of his mood, he made some petty excuse, and instead 
 stayed in his room. 
 
 For a few days he tried looking up some of his old 
 women friends, with just as little success. Now he no- 
 ticed defects in their appearance, things about them that 
 had become strangely repellant to him; on one a smudge 
 of paint, a pencilled eyebrow, or a furrowed line about 
 the eyes and mouth. 
 
 One night Greenfield drank more than usual and after 
 spending quite the whole evening in searing reflections, he 
 suddenly determined to forget his ridiculous longing for 
 Hagar, at any price. Near midnight, he entered a glit- 
 tering, gold-bedecked restaurant on upper Broadway. 
 For a moment the music and gaiety, the white rows of 
 tables, the coverlet of smoke that hung flimsily in the up- 
 per air, made him wish to leave immediately. But he 
 took a table far back on one side, and when the waiter 
 drew out the chair for him and said " Alone ? " he hesi- 
 tated awkwardly and made a resolution that he would not 
 be alone very long. 
 
 " Yes, I'm alone Then he recognized in the waiter 
 one who had served him quite often, a year or so before. 
 
 " Yes, I'm alone all right," he, repeated as the man won- 
 deringly placed before him a menu card. " How are 
 you? " 
 
 " Oh, I'm all right, Mr. Greenfield. I haven't seen you 
 for near onto a year." 
 
 "No?" 
 
 " But the lady comes in quite often."
 
 Hagar Revelly 
 
 " Bring me a lobster Newburg and a Scotch highball," 
 Greenfield demanded restlessly. 
 
 The fellow hurried out through a door panelled in gold, 
 and Greenfield, shot through with temper at the joyless 
 reminder of his past adventures, busied himself in view- 
 ing those near him. 
 
 Sitting directly across from him, was a blonde little 
 lady, who seemed to prop her head upon her arm, in just 
 the manner which was so characteristic of Hagar. This 
 annoyed him and for a time he would not look in her di- 
 rection. When he looked again, he realized she was ac- 
 tually someone he knew. At that moment she too looked 
 up and immediately arose to give him a greeting. 
 
 " Well, you've changed so, Bennie, I might not have 
 known you," she exclaimed, as she took the seat he offered 
 her. " Where have you been keeping yourself and the 
 Titian-haired one, what's become of her? " 
 
 He answered her rather laconically : " Haven't seen 
 her for a couple of years." 
 
 She continued to study his face. 
 
 " Well, you certainly have changed, Ben," she mused 
 on. " We've missed you on the Way." 
 
 She went on sprightly, probably for an effect upon 
 those at the near-by tables, since getting up and ap- 
 proaching a man's table had come to be looked upon as 
 not quite a proper thing. 
 
 "Yes, I was just telling Mabel you remember Ma- 
 bel, Mrs. Rokher, of course well, I was telling her just 
 the other day that you were one of the people who seemed 
 to be wiped off the map, all of a sudden. I came near 
 calling " 
 
 " What'll you have?" asked Greenfield, as the waiter 
 shadowed their conversation. 
 
 " Oh, I ought to get back but bring me the same," 
 she turned to the waiter "a silver fizz."
 
 Hagar Revelly 
 
 She stopped to fix hr back hair, aided by hr refles- 
 tion in a near-by mirror. 
 
 " What was I saying? " she asked, after a moment. 
 
 Greenfield smiled, with the smile that comes to the face 
 of a man who is bored and yet blames himself for caus- 
 ing it. 
 
 " You were telling me how you intended telephoning, I 
 think." 
 
 " Oh, yes." 
 
 Then she went on, relating in stereotype fashion how 
 others had asked about him, and the ordeals she had 
 passed through since she had last seen him. 
 
 While she talked Greenfield looked at the forced viva- 
 ciousness, covering the hunger in her eyes ; he studied the 
 heightened color of her cheeks, the sallowness of htr 
 throat. And as she continued, he unconsciously remem 
 bered how really pretty she had been in the years before, 
 when youth was still nourishing her. 
 
 " You're getting older, Ida," he said, tactlessly word- 
 ing his thoughts. 
 
 " Oh, I know what you're thinking," she replied. 
 " But it isn't that. I'm taking pretty good care of my- 
 self." 
 
 Then she told him how she had really fallen in love and 
 that the pain of finding her man truthless had driven her 
 back into the ways of least resistance. 
 
 " I was so on the square with him, you wouldn't be- 
 lieve," she confessed. " I wanted to give this all up, once 
 and for all. Oh, you don't know how really bad I wanted 
 to but he wasn't square, he wasn't square." 
 
 More in detail the woman ran over the old story, the 
 story that every cocotte, every demi-mondaine, uses, as a 
 last resort, to bolster up her derisive regard of normal 
 life. 

 
 Hagar Revelly 215 
 
 When she had finished, Greenfield asked why she hadn't 
 stayed " right " anyway, just for the good of it. 
 
 " Oh, what was the use ? " she faltered. " I'm in a 
 rut and if I try to get out of it, I bump into some of my 
 friends, and instead of trying to help me, they push me 
 back again." A little wearily she added, " Oh, I guess 
 it's no use any more." 
 
 Although Greenfield had answered her in monosyllables, 
 she felt that she would somehow succeed in getting him 
 into a conversation. Her surprise was great when she 
 saw him call for his check. 
 
 " Where are you going, Ben ? " she asked. 
 
 " Oh, back to the rooms, I guess. I'm blue to-night." 
 
 Her face lit up and her sadness flitted away on the in- 
 stant. 
 
 " Say, I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll get rid of the 
 party " she pointed to the fattish man who had been 
 sitting at her side " and then I'll take a little stroll 
 with you. What do you say? I am lonesome myself to- 
 night." 
 
 Into Greenfield's mind there chased a thought that she 
 was being rather clever in fitting her mood to his own. 
 But he reasoned that at least here was someone who knew 
 him, who would listen to him and keep him from thinking 
 about himself. And how he dreaded going back to that 
 room, alone and turning on the black button of the 
 electric switch ! 
 
 Already he could see the book he had thrown on the 
 floor, the cigar, half burnt, that had dropped on the rug. 
 
 " Yes, get rid of him," he said. " I'll wait five min- 
 utes outside the revolving door." 
 
 When she joined him and they walked off down the 
 lighted street together, he was really glad of her pres- 
 ence.
 
 Hagar Revelly 
 
 They were turning off into the street of his apartment, 
 when she said, " I don't see why you live alone, Ben." 
 
 " It isn't right, is it? " he asked, feeling a certain 
 comfort in her sympathy. 
 
 " Why, of course not. But I guess you've got the bug 
 too that's the reason and I know what that means." 
 
 " You mean I'm in love ? " he asked, with a faint effort 
 at smiling. 
 
 The woman seemed very sincere as she answered, " Sure, 
 what other reason is there. Oh, I've watched a bunch 
 of you men, and you're all alike when you get it." 
 
 They were turning up the steps. 
 
 " Well," he confessed, as he thrust the key in the door, 
 " You may be right, Ida. I'm blessed if I know myself." 
 
 Going up the stairway, she hung heavily upon his arm. 
 
 "Like old times, isn't it?" she exclaimed, and when 
 they gained the hall, on the second floor, she stopped him 
 to take his head between her hands. Before he quite 
 understood her intention, she had kissed him, full on the 
 lips. 
 
 He drew away from her. 
 
 " Wait here, till I make a light," said he. 
 
 He spoke rather coldly, she thought, and wondered why 
 he could not have taken her inside. 
 
 However, she occupied her time in the dark hallway by 
 dusting her face with a little powder rag taken from 
 the top roll of her stocking. To herself as she applied 
 it fiercely to her maltreated cheeks, she thought : " He's 
 not a bad sort. You've just got to know how to handle 
 him." At the moment she even wished she had worn her 
 gown of blue rajah silk, which she liked so well. 
 
 Greenfield came out into the hall. 
 
 " You can come in, now," and as she entered, he pushed 
 out to her a chair. She thought he had never before 
 been so courteous to* her, and told him.
 
 Hagar Revelly 
 
 " It's because I appreciate your sex more, now," he 
 replied, offering her a cigarette. 
 
 In careless fashion she took one from his heavily in- 
 itialed silver case. 
 
 " Now, tell me all about her," she exclaimed airily. 
 
 " There's no one to tell about or rather there isn't, 
 as yet." 
 
 She tossed the match out of the window. 
 
 " Not landed, then, eh. But tell me, is she pretty and 
 young like I was when I started out?" 
 
 " Let's talk about something else, Ida," said Green- 
 field, firmly. 
 
 " Very well dear friend." She laughed and gave a 
 long pause before " dear friend." She added that he 
 certainly had the symptoms of being in love. 
 
 To Greenfield, the woman's question was only an echo 
 of what he was asking of himself. For already he was 
 wondering why he had admitted to his apartment this 
 woman. A half hour before he was longing for some one, 
 really anyone, who would alleviate the poignant ghastli- 
 ness of his mood. He had told himself that a greeting 
 from the lowest mucker of the streets would have been a 
 welcomed message. 
 
 And now, when out of the gloom had come this com- 
 panion of former years, of whom he had once been actu- 
 ally fond, he could hardly talk to her. Instead he no- 
 ticed that her face was very weak and not pretty, that her 
 lower lip drooped, and her nostrils were strangely dilated 
 and thinned. 
 
 The woman's cigarette had burned out and she asked 
 for another, saying, as she left her chair and went over 
 to him : " My, but you're quiet, Ben." 
 
 "Am I?" he asked. 
 
 " Sure, are you." There was some mockery in her 
 voice.
 
 218 Hagar Revelly 
 
 Noticing that she failed to interest him, she busied 
 herself by glancing around the room, studying the open 
 keyboard of an automatic piano in one corner, the blue 
 canopy over his bed in another. 
 
 " You're cosy here, aren't you ? " she exclaimed rather 
 casually. 
 
 "Quite," he replied. 
 
 " And you say your little prayers each night and go 
 to bed like a good boy what? " 
 
 Strangely silent he remained. 
 
 She stopped her restless loquacity altogether, for a 
 time, quieting herself in the smoke of another cigarette. 
 
 Presently she could no longer stand the silence, or his 
 inertia. 
 
 " My God, Ben, what's the matter with you? " she im- 
 plored. 
 
 " Nothing," he smiled. 
 
 She thought it a very sickly effort to appear light- 
 hearted. 
 
 " Then say something, for heaven's sake. Got any- 
 thing to drink? " 
 
 He went over to a little cabinet and threw open the 
 inlaid mahogany door. " Help yourself," he told her, 
 " and fix me a high-ball, too. A good stiff one while 
 you're at it." 
 
 After their drink they seemed to get along much bet- 
 ter together, and for a half hour or more, were quite 
 immersed and forgetful in talking over old times, delving 
 into the past episodes they had encountered in common. 
 
 Then the drink lost its effect upon Greenfield, and she 
 saw creeping back into his eyes the old vague disinter- 
 ested look. 
 
 It hurt her a little bit, as she thought she had been 
 really amusing him. She saw too that after an hour, 
 nothing had been gained, and that all the little tricks of
 
 Hagar Revelly 219 
 
 her trade had failed. It disappointed her a good deal. 
 She told herself that she must be less subtle. 
 
 So she went over to where he sat on the rocker and 
 leaned over the back of his head, putting both arms 
 around his neck. 
 
 " Dearie," she said jauntily, unaware that the mirror 
 reflected to Greenfield the weariness in her face, " you 
 are no companion for poor me to-night. Maybe we'd 
 better give up talking, and just be affectionate without 
 the conversation." 
 
 He gently loosened himself from her embrace. 
 
 " Dear Ida. I didn't bring you up here for anything 
 else but a little talk." 
 
 She looked at him steadily. 
 
 " Why, I don't understand, Ben." Her voice was sud- 
 denly hard and cold. 
 
 In that moment, before he answered her question, all 
 the frantic age returned to her face, shining through 
 to the surface for all the powder and paint. To her 
 mind there came the recollection of a dismal failure the 
 night before ; she remembered now how she had even hesi- 
 tated to give up the fattish gentleman in the restaurant, 
 only doing it after deciding that Greenfield would be bet- 
 ter game. All evening she had sat with that cheerful 
 smile on her face while her head ached and back pained 
 and now her efforts were proving futile ! 
 
 " You're not going to have me stay ? " she begged. 
 
 He spoke up decisively. " No, no." There was de- 
 termination in his tone. " Good God, no " 
 
 She layed her hand on his shoulder. 
 
 " Now don't get excited like that. I'm sorry that I'm 
 not more alluring to-night. (A regret crossed her mind 
 again for the blue silk gown.) Yes, I'm real sorry. 
 Though of course you know I've wasted two or three 
 good hours, and '
 
 220 Hagar Revelly 
 
 Greenfield's voice was very gentle when he spoke to her. 
 
 "That's all right, Ida," he interrupted. "Don't 
 worry about that end of it. How much do I owe you ? " 
 He gave a little ironic laugh. " You know, I'd quite 
 forgotten that I was hunting for companionship on a 
 business basis." 
 
 " I don't see why you speak that way. You know I've 
 got to look out for myself. But I know too how it is 
 if you care for somebody. That's what's the matter with 
 you. You're tired of the old game, Ben. After all," 
 she sighed, and then went on in words that were full of 
 longing, " I guess you're right. Settle down in a decent 
 little home some place, have the little kids calling you 
 * daddy.' Oh, God, that's sweet music when you come 
 right down to it." 
 
 Then the woman left him to hide her feelings by look- 
 ing out of the window. 
 
 "Ida, come back here a minute," said Greenfield. 
 
 She came back to their chair and placed her hand on 
 his shoulder. He was watching some rings of smoke 
 from his cigarette circle up to the ceiling. 
 
 " Ida, do you see those rings? Well, I am just as able 
 to do what you say as I am to keep those rings of smoke 
 from breaking apart. Just as able," he went on, quite 
 to himself. 
 
 The woman met his words in silence. Then she looked 
 up, as if a new determination had come to her. 
 
 "We're old pals," she asked, "aren't we?" There 
 was a certain sincerity in her question. 
 
 " Why, yes." 
 
 " And we understand just about Jiow much is the goods 
 and how much is bluff in this world, don't we ? " 
 
 "What's that got to do?" 
 
 " Oh, wait till I finish," she interrupted. " I want to 
 tell you something. I've been up here for a couple of
 
 Hagar Revelly 
 
 hours, now, trying to figure out some sort of way to get 
 to you. Understand? Some way I could get you to 
 come out of your grouch. First I thought I'd let you 
 alone but I saw that that wouldn't work. Then I tried 
 to be soft and sweet, and to get you interested in me 
 in the old way and you've kept on dreaming, about 
 something else. Am I right? 
 
 " So I said to myself, * Ben brought me here just to 
 try to fool himself into believing I am somebody else.' I 
 explained all this to a studious chap from Cambridge the 
 other night and he said it was what you would call 
 psychological. Well, whatever it may be, I know just as 
 sure as I am here that there is somebody you want, and 
 somebody you can't get or haven't got yet. Oh, it's 
 easy. And that one thing is the one thing you want. 
 And you won't take anything else." 
 
 Greenfield took out his pocketbook. " Will this help 
 you any, Ida ? " he asked. 
 
 He laid a greenback before her on the table. 
 
 She had already put on her black kid gloves, that 
 showed at the ends of the fingers worn grey places. 
 
 " Well, of course you know how things are," she re- 
 plied, hesitatingly fingering the money. 
 
 " Oh, I understand how things are, Ida." 
 
 Folding the bill she put it in her pocketbook, and 
 then bent down toward him to kiss him. As he sat back 
 in his chair, their eyes met on a common level. 
 
 " You've kissed me, Ida," he said, gazing directly at 
 her, before her lips had come near him. 
 
 " Oh, all right." With a little shrug of her shoulders, 
 she arose, without performing her mission. 
 
 For a moment she stood awkwardly in the doorway. 
 
 " I guess I'll go then, Ben. You're not angry, are 
 you?" 
 
 "Angry?"
 
 222 Hagar Revelly 
 
 " Yes." 
 
 " Of course not." A strange, wistful expression cov- 
 ered his face. " I've got more to thank you for than 
 you know, Ida." 
 
 In the hallway she still appeared reluctant to leave, as 
 if she felt the money too easily earned. 
 
 " What's the matter," he asked, looking up as if he 
 expected to find her gone. 
 
 " Nothing, I'm going." 
 
 " Good-bye, Ida." 
 
 Already on the steps, she again turned to ask him when 
 he was coming over to see her. 
 
 ''I'm not coming, Ida," he called back, smiling.
 
 CHAPTER XVIII 
 
 THE echo of her feet was still on the stairway, when 
 Greenfield looked at his watch. It was three-thirty in 
 the morning. 
 
 " Good heavens," he muttered to himself. He silently 
 undressed, and tumbled into bed. At four o'clock he lay 
 pathetically wide awake. 
 
 Then he arose, put on a dressing gown, and with grim 
 determination, went over to the writing desk. 
 
 Many times before, he had thought of writing Hagar a 
 letter, had thought quite often of the sort of letter it 
 would be; he had even worded the sentences and made 
 them full of expression, so that it would bring her flying 
 back to him. Seeing her in the store every day made this 
 task a little difficult, but now he was determined. A let- 
 ter would express exactly what he wanted to say, without 
 his being influenced by her innocent glances. 
 
 Mechanically he took the pen and wrote: 
 
 " Dear Hagar: 
 
 I wonder, little one, if you have ever experienced the pangs 
 of loneliness that I am going through at this moment. Oh, if 
 you only knew how I want you. If I had you here, I would 
 make you forget your little foolish morals. Yes, I'd take you 
 in my arms and you'd put your arms around my neck, and then 
 when we were close, you'd just forget and tell me how happy 
 you were that I br lught you back. 
 
 Think, Hagar, my love, how glorious it would be if we 
 were together. In the morning, I'd let you sleep. You'd be so 
 tired and happy, and when you awoke, there would be placed on 
 the little table beside your bed some cantaloupe and eggs, and 
 
 293
 
 Hagar Revelly 
 
 nice steaming coffee and rolls and then you'd eat and about noon 
 you would come down to meet me and we'd have lunch together, 
 and you would tell me about some pretty piece of lingerie you 
 were going to buy. 
 
 Oh, my little sweetheart, the real heaven is not up in the 
 skies, but concealed in the lips and eyes of the one we love. 
 
 Why can't you see it? Why can't we make it real? " 
 
 He dropped his pen. What on earth was he writing! 
 The very thing he dared not say to her, he was putting 
 into ink. And she would read it with cold regard the 
 next day, perhaps pass him by in the aisles with a look 
 of superiority in her face. Yes, he could not humble 
 himself before her, and give her the " upper hand." 
 
 He tore up the scribble, and after some minutes of in- 
 decision, started anew: 
 
 " My dear Hagar: 
 
 It is after a good deal of thought " (at least he was on 
 the right track. After all he would write just as he really felt) 
 " that I write this note to you. To-night I have realized 
 for the first time, that I have let you carry too long the wrong 
 opinion of me. I'm not a bad man, Hagar, though I must 
 surely have given you that impression, when I told you that it 
 was to be the one thing or nothing. 
 
 I don't know why I put it that way. Perhaps it was be- 
 cause I longed for you so when I was with you, or perhaps, 
 though not likely, it was because I thought that was the only 
 way to get you. At least now I am going to give you the truth 
 of it, and I can fancy your surprise when you read what I am 
 going to say. I can see you exclaiming, ' I wonder what's 
 his game now.' Well, dear little friend, it isn't a game. It 
 is simply this I miss you, miss you terribly and I beg you to 
 come back to me, just as a friend. And I promise you that it 
 will be free of all the old thing entirely. Yes, Hagar, only 
 to hear you talk and to have you to talk to. Nothing, abso- 
 lutely nothing else ? I swear it,
 
 Hagar Revelly 225 
 
 You will wonder what has come over me, wonder more I 
 suppose what makes me say a thing which to a man of my 
 age, and who knows the world as I do, sounds like silly rub- 
 bish. But nevertheless it is what I mean. To-night, I am filled 
 with loathing of myself and can never again live the old life. 
 Even as I write this it makes me happy to say it. I am so 
 lonely, so sick of it all and am coming back to you like a 
 penitent schoolboy. But I mean it this time. Aren't you 
 glad? 
 
 I know you will be happy to get this and see this change that 
 you have worked in me. I am sure, too, that we will have a 
 lot of fun together now, in our new way. 
 
 Honestly, I never began to realize what it meant to be like 
 this, without thinking of the other along with it. You can see 
 what you have brought me to, little girl. 
 
 To-morrow night I'll stop for you and we'll have dinner. 
 And then go over to Wallack's or the Broadway. Or would 
 you rather go to the Hippodrome? 
 
 And I'll send you straight to your bungalow in fairyland 
 immediately after. You've got to have your sleep. God bless 
 you. 
 
 Sincerely, 
 BEN." 
 
 When he had finished he regarded the letter for some 
 time, wondering at the truth that seemed conveyed in its 
 words. After all it seemed that he really felt this way 
 about Hagar. But it made him feel a little ashamed, 
 and he offered to himself an explanation that it was really 
 not true but only a clever effort to get Hagar back to 
 him. However, as he turned the note over and over, he 
 felt happier than he had been for months. 
 
 The next afternoon he found the following letter, pok- 
 ing its nose out from amidst a lot of letters whose black 
 imprints, spoke only of dry goods and business. 
 
 He tore open the little envelope with a good deal of 
 anticipation.
 
 226 Hagar Revelly 
 
 "Dear Mr. Greenfield: 
 
 I have just received your note and have slipped up here 
 to the waiting room to answer it. I am so sorry to have to 
 disappoint you because after all it is so nice that you under- 
 stand exactly what sort of a girl I am. However, I can't help 
 it now, because I am keeping steady company with Mr. Her- 
 rick (you remember the man I introduced to you in the aisle 
 one afternoon) and we are very much in love with each other. 
 
 His position won't allow us to get married just at present, 
 but I don't feel that I ought to see anyone else because he 
 wouldn't wish me to. But I won't ask him. 
 
 I know you'll be glad to hear I'm so happy and I am awfully 
 sorry you didn't write that kind of a note sooner, and so I 
 guess that we can't see each other, though of course, we can 
 always be friends. 
 
 Sincerely yours, 
 
 HAGAR REVELLY. 
 
 P.S. Of course it won't make any difference with my 
 job now, will it? You said I could ask any favor of you. 
 Anyway I know that you are a good friend and don't want to 
 see me unhappy." 
 
 Between his finger and thumb Greenfield held it up and 
 viewed it much as if it had been a living thing. 
 
 " Poor, foolish little girl," he muttered. 
 
 And as he remembered the swift darting messages of 
 passion and longing that were such a part of her soft, 
 dark eyes, he gave an unnatural, wild laugh. 
 
 For many minutes he sat numbly in the chair by his 
 desk, quite oblivious of his surroundings gazing ahead 
 onto the long vista of future loneliness. 
 
 He was brought to his senses by finding that tears had 
 gathered in his eyes.
 
 CHAPTER XIX 
 
 IT was an odd stroke of fate that at the time of Green- 
 field's greatest suffering from his loss, Hagar should be 
 so deliriously happy. 
 
 She was indeed deeply in love. 
 
 The days that followed her subjection were to her still 
 more glorious. She opened her arms to her wooer and 
 he pulled back the curtains that draped from his con- 
 science, and was very happy. 
 
 How the days and weeks passed with her. The little 
 spring-time flutter of love found a welcome haven in her 
 soul, and one day after the other, found her as eager, as 
 desirous, as though the denouement had come only the 
 day before. 
 
 Sundays and holidays usually found, them seeking the 
 shelter of the Mallorys. The little inn on the sloping 
 bank of the Hudson had for them become transformed 
 into a modern Arcadia. At one time it was their little 
 chalet upon the steep incline of some Swiss mountain 
 slope, another day the hacienda that held out its welcom- 
 ing arms as they returned from a hot tramp through the 
 prairies. And then when night came, with their backs on 
 the cool grass and their eyes to the heavens, Herrick 
 would pour into her ears little madrigals, that seemed 
 to penetrate into her very heart, with their rune of love. 
 
 He could not say that for her benefit he had invested 
 in a book of poems " Choice Poems by Famous Poets " 
 or could he confess that none of the effusions were the 
 result of the inspiration she gave him. None the less, 
 however, did his soft words inspire her, and she often 
 
 227
 
 228 Hagar Revelly 
 
 lay enwrapped in a wondrous gaze, too happy to dare look 
 at him. 
 
 Now and then were there days when she could not see 
 him, for some reason of business or otherwise. These 
 periods became hours of torture for her. 
 
 One early morning, in bed, she thought of a great 
 plan. 
 
 And after that on the days she could not see him, her 
 devotion was entrusted to a little china nudity about an 
 inch in length. 
 
 At first she did not know what to name the miniature 
 doll, thinking over several in succession. She wanted 
 most to name it Frank, but since the little figure was to 
 be her confidant and a receptacle for all her secrets it 
 would never do ; since all her secrets would be about 
 Frank himself. At last she named it Bennie, absolutely 
 forgetful at the time why the name came familiar to her 
 ears. 
 
 So, to Bennie was entrusted many great secrets; and 
 Bennie never betrayed the confidence. It was a wonder- 
 ful help to pour into the stone-deaf ears of the little 
 figure, her surplus of love and happiness. And for some 
 months Bennie remained faithfully by her. 
 
 But tragedies come, guised sometimes in the thinnest 
 garb. One day, near the beginning of winter, the tiny 
 figure was tramped underfoot in a crowded street car. 
 The piece of china had fallen from her pocketbook, and 
 in another moment, was crunched under the heavy heel of 
 a man's shoe. 
 
 This was indeed an ill omen. For an intelligence was 
 imparted to her, that in a moment, brought to her senses, 
 the real importance of a secret that she had treated 
 lightly for very many weeks. 
 
 When the little doll had fallen onto the floor, Hagar 
 sprang quickly from her seat. And then was brought
 
 Hagar Revelly 229 
 
 back to it by a terrific pain that shot from the middle 
 of her back downwards into her limbs. 
 
 She was not entirely innocent of the strange process 
 of nature, that had gone on for quite four months. 
 Many weeks before she had found herself growing sud- 
 denly stouter about the waist, had even to invest in a new 
 skirt and make larger her petticoat. 
 
 But she had failed utterly to consider seriously, whether 
 from lack of understanding or plain fear of self-revela- 
 tion, the condition that confronted her. Often she had 
 stopped to think about this new problem, and for a time 
 would be strangely disturbed in many ways. Everything 
 was so vaguely defined, so perplexing. 
 
 But the days had slipped by, without her even daring 
 to tell of it the man she loved. 
 
 A few months before she had ransacked her brain for 
 a cause, or rather an excuse for her continued condition. 
 But that time too, had passed off and more from igno- 
 rance than anything else, she had given the trouble little 
 concern. 
 
 Indeed one day, while at lunch, she came very near tell- 
 ing Herrick, but it seemed so terrible to word such a 
 thing, such a chance of spoiling the blissful tranquillity 
 of their association, that she let it go altogether and 
 rather dismissed the subject from her mind. 
 
 Then another month passed, and though, as the days 
 went by, she gained a deeper intelligence, a greater under- 
 standing of this thing that troubled her, yet her under- 
 standing of the phenomena did not grow apace with the 
 physical proportions of it. 
 
 And as she stepped from the car, and was pierced by 
 the pain, her only thought was of her lack of intelligence 
 concerning herself. She told herself that she might have 
 been injured, jerking herself in the manner she did. 
 
 She delved no further, but only muttered : " Oh, how
 
 280 Hagar Revelly 
 
 dreadfully ignorant I am. Just think what I might hav 
 done." 
 
 At that moment she wished she really knew "what she 
 might have done. 
 
 Yet her thought was never to divulge the secret or 
 even to mention it to Herrick, as the means of protection. 
 Somehow everything seemed all right in that direction and 
 she reasoned that there was no need to worry. As soon 
 as Herrick got a daily expected raise in his salary, they 
 would be married. It would be time enough then, to tell 
 him. 
 
 But that pain at the destruction of Bennie, somehow 
 altered this decision, and she decided she would tell him, 
 more to have him as a companion to share her troubles, 
 than anything else. A thought lurked in her mind that 
 he probably knew already and had only refrained from 
 telling her because of fear that she might worry. 
 
 With the question definitely settled, she felt happier, 
 and for a reason which she could not explain to herself, 
 she decided to present herself to him that evening, in her 
 most pleasing gown. Expecting him at eight o'clock, 
 she left the dining table before the others had finished 
 and rushed upstairs to dress. 
 
 But dressing did not terminate as she had thought. 
 
 Her black crepe de chene fitted her no longer, and 
 she could hardly wear her already altered tailored suit. 
 
 When Herrick came she was in no state to receive him. 
 Her temper was high, she had cried, and the stains of 
 tears were still apparent under the slight coating of 
 powder that covered her face. 
 
 When Hagar met him in the parlor downstairs, she was 
 so shaking with sobs, she could not look into his face. 
 
 " Dear, dear, what on earth is wrong," he begged, as 
 he greeted her.
 
 Hagar Revelly 231 
 
 She could not gather enough courage to answer him. 
 But his strong arms about her and the feel of his body 
 near to her, was comforting, and she made a little effort 
 to smile. 
 
 " Well," he asked patiently. 
 
 She buried her face shamedly in his arms. 
 
 " Goodness, you're queer to-night." He turned her 
 face so that he could look into her eyes. " Now tell me 
 what's up," he demanded, though his voice was no less 
 kind. 
 
 For a moment Hagar looked directly at him, then 
 clutching him around the neck she cried : " Oh, Frank, 
 there's something I can hardly tell you I've known 
 it for a long while. I've been so so uncomfortable, 
 dear and I feared to tell you, because I thought you 
 might get angry with me." 
 
 Herrick, thinking it best to pay little attention to her 
 hysteria, placed her gently beside him on the sofa. 
 
 But Hagar's sobs were increasing in their paroxysmal 
 gulping. She moaned steadily : " Oh, Frank, you act 
 as if there was nothing the matter." 
 
 Raising the hands that covered her face, he said, 
 " Now, little girl, no more of this. Tell me, what's up? " 
 He thought for an instant. " By gracious, I did forget 
 to kiss you." 
 
 He suited the action to his words. She drew away 
 from him. 
 
 " Oh, it isn't that," said Hagar, between her tears. 
 " I am I am sick. We must get married." 
 
 Dropping her shiny, pink-tipped little fingers, as if 
 they had been so many prongs of hot steel, he exclaimed: 
 " What on earth are you saying, Hagar ? " 
 
 In that instant, Herrick seemed to scent the cause of 
 her hysteria.
 
 Hagar Revelly 
 
 Hagar's eyes were covered by her arms but her in- 
 stinct told her that he was drawing away from her, blaz- 
 ing with temper. 
 
 And now she felt his cruel grasp on her wrists. 
 
 " For God's sake, tell me what you mean, Hagar," he 
 cried. 
 
 Slowly then, he began to comprehend entirely. His 
 answer met in silence spoke more forcibly than any word 
 of explanation she might have offered him. 
 
 " You don't mean, Hagar, that that " 
 
 Staring at him, fright and fear inextricably mingled 
 in her face, she answered him. 
 
 " Frank, you don't mean you are sorry Oh, tell me 
 you don't mean that." 
 
 The tears were drying in her eyes, while she pulled his 
 head down near to her own, and ran her fingers through 
 his soft, blonde hair. " You don't mean," she whispered, 
 " that you're not glad." 
 
 Hagar began to understand the tumult of thought 
 that was rushing through his senses, while Herrick, 
 swayed by a feeling of pity, did not give vent at first 
 to the angry vehemence of his pent-up words; but at 
 last he could not control himself, and nearly shouted: 
 " Do you mean to say you are in trouble? " 
 
 He took her by both shoulders, as if he were trying 
 to shake the truth out of her. Then he went on, " Good 
 heavens, is this your little game. Want to trap me so 
 I'll have to marry you? " 
 
 Hagar could only sob out his name in an imploring, 
 begging way, while Herrick, seeming to realize he had 
 lost his temper, now said more gently to the girl, " Why 
 on earth Hagar didn't you take better care ? " 
 
 The wickedness of his words echoed into the remotest 
 recesses of her virginal being. She looked up into his 
 face, muttering between sobs, the while she ran her hand
 
 Hagar Revelly 233 
 
 over his forehead, " Why, Frank dearie I don't un- 
 derstand you." 
 
 Even at that moment, as she saw the haggardness in 
 his eyes, she felt sorry she had told him and made him 
 unhappy. Even she wished she had allowed everything 
 to rest as before. 
 
 For a few minutes they sat in the little parlor, both 
 of them staring down at the floor, each searching for 
 an expression to their thoughts. 
 
 At last his eyes wandered to her, as quietly he said, 
 " How long have you been Hagar? " 
 
 At first she tried to answer indirectly, then it appeared 
 so difficult to speak about this hidden thing, that she 
 could only sink back into the pillows and bury her face in 
 her hand. Her body quivered and fluttered like a leaf, 
 and he noticed that the hand that clung so frantically 
 to his own was icy cold. 
 
 But now the question had become too important to 
 be considered sentimentally. 
 
 He repeated. " Answer me, Hagar. You've got to 
 tell me." 
 
 Conquering, only after a struggle, the terrible tide 
 of miserable realization that had swept over her, she 
 said : " Oh, it's been four or five months, Frank I 
 don't know." 
 
 " And you never tried " He choked his words off. 
 " You never told me." 
 
 Then he went on relentlessly. " What were you afraid 
 of? Afraid that I might do something, I suppose " 
 he was talking wildly now " so you waited until it was 
 too late ! A nice game ! 
 
 " Thought you'd cinch our marriage? I see now what 
 you meant about wanting a baby. . . . Oh, you're 
 pretty cute, Hagar." 
 
 Only a few months before, their conversation had
 
 turned onto the subject of maternity. As they spoke about 
 it at that time, Hagar had mentioned how she would 
 like to be the mother of his children. Now, all the words 
 came back to Herrick's memory and he used them most 
 vindictively. 
 
 " Yes, I suppose you wanted to be a mother," he re- 
 peated, looking hard at her. 
 
 Hagar interrupted him now, for the first time wording 
 her inner feelings. 
 
 " Oh, Frank, for God's sake," she cried, " please 
 please don't talk in this way to me. I kept it from 
 you because I didn't want to bother you, and because 
 at first I didn't know what was wrong myself. I didn't 
 dare ask anyone else, you know that. Oh, you are so 
 mean to me now. And you say that you're not glad. 
 Why, Frank, I thought you'd be so happy, because you 
 loved me and we were going to get married. I thought 
 it would mean so much more to us and would bring us 
 closer together." 
 
 Seeing his face yield somewhat, she went on, even more 
 desperately, with her pleading. " Why, darling, it will 
 only mean that we must get married a few months earlier, 
 that's all. If you are not ready on account of the fac- 
 tory, why, what difference can that make. I am making 
 something and I'll get a new job if you say so, and work 
 harder and make more money. We can live the way we 
 are right now until you're able to come with me." 
 
 She threw herself into his arms. " Darling, darling," 
 she whispeiad, "you don't know how I love you." 
 
 But Herrick tore himself loose, impatiently telling her 
 that she talked like a fool, that she understood absolutely 
 nothing about what she was saying. 
 
 " Why, if I listened to you, I'll begin thinking it's the 
 right thing, too," he exclaimed. " No, no, a thousand
 
 Hagar Revelly 235 
 
 times we're in a fix, and we've got to get out of it. 
 That is all there is to it." 
 
 She drew back aghast. He had torn himself away 
 from her, for the first time. 
 
 " Then you don't mean that we are to get married ? " 
 she gasped. 
 
 " Yes, that's what I mean." His reply came sullenly. 
 His face went into hard lines that were utterly new to 
 her. " That is, not for the present. We can see later. 
 But certainly not while this thing hangs over our heads." 
 
 With his foot he drew a chair up to the edge of the 
 divan, and then left her side to occupy it. 
 
 " We've got to talk this thing over in a businesslike, 
 sensible way, Hagar," he went on. " Now, tell me, do 
 you know anyone you could go to ? " 
 
 Hagar sprang up, staring at him with protruding eyes. 
 
 "Go to?" 
 
 " Yes, someone you've heard of who does " 
 
 " Why Frank, good heavens, you don't want me " 
 There was a quiver in her voice that had all the fluttering 
 hesitancy of innocence, yet the determination to fight to 
 the very last. Her eyes flashed, her lips were pressed 
 tightly together. 
 
 "Exactly," he said. "Do you know any place to 
 go?" 
 
 With his persistency, she seemed to lose all her strength 
 to battle. " I do not know of such places, Frank. Oh, 
 God" 
 
 Between the cries that came from her breaking heart, 
 she explained to him now how ignorant she was of such 
 things, how she had never considered anything but her 
 love for him and his love for her. With deep sobs she 
 told how she had always left the other girls when they 
 gathered in groups, in the wash room or the cloak room
 
 36* Hagar Revelly 
 
 at the store, to (discuss such things, and how she had al- 
 ways hated to hear their jokes. 
 
 Herrick listened to her, nearly frenzied by the con- 
 tagion that spread to him from her wounded feelings. 
 As she finished off her explanation, he turned away, his 
 hands over his face, his brain in a turmoil, at the re- 
 alization of her helplessness. 
 
 It would have made him braver, he realized, were she 
 not so innocent. 
 
 " I can't believe it, I can't, I can't," he said over and 
 over. 
 
 After a good deal of thought, during which time he 
 paced the room back and forth, he came over and sat 
 by her side. Very gently he began to talk to her. 
 
 " Now listen, Hagar. Of course it is of no use for us 
 to fall out like this, and for us to get all excited is very 
 foolish. But we can't let this go on. It would be all 
 right, perhaps, if we were living where no one knew us. 
 But here it is different. Supposing we should get mar- 
 ried to-morrow. What would everybody say? Oh, yes, 
 they wouldn't know anything for a few months maybe. 
 But after that it would be open news to all the world, 
 that we had lived together before we were married. No- 
 body would look at us. We couldn't stay very long in 
 one place, we'd be disgraced that is, you'd be. And 
 how would you like that? " 
 
 He looked into her face. And Hagar, seeing some 
 of the old kindness in his eyes again, answered, " I wouldn't 
 mind it, Frank, so long as I had you." 
 
 She was much surprised to find that he became some- 
 what angry again. Arising from his chair at her words, 
 he walked up and down the room a half dozen times before 
 he could calm himself. 
 
 " Hagar, why don't you understand," he implored. 
 " Either you are so blind to the ordinary ways of the
 
 Ha gar Revelly 237 
 
 world that you don't grasp it at all, or else, you are 
 well, you are more in love with me than I am with you." 
 
 " Frank ! " she cried. 
 
 " I. mean more than I am capable of loving you, or 
 anyone. Anyway you don't seem to see what people 
 think of us. Why, just think what would happen. We'll 
 just take the case as it stands. Say we got married. 
 Good and well. Then a couple of months or so comes 
 around. What then? Well, we're living in some little 
 flat up in Harlem. Some of the fellows hunt me up, see 
 the kid, know what's gone on. They'd know how long 
 we'd been married. And what would they do? Can't 
 you see ? " 
 
 " Oh, Frank." 
 
 " Well, they'd accuse me of marrying you just just 
 because I had to " he went on impetuously with this 
 new idea " not because I loved you. Can't you see? 
 You wouldn't care for that, now would you ? " 
 
 " Not very much," she faltered. 
 
 " And then maybe the boss would find it out. I would 
 get in bad, though the worst thing they'd probably say 
 was that I was square, and stood by you. But how would 
 I like to hear them say that if I loved you. No, you'd 
 get the worst of it all around. Your mother and sister 
 would find it out too. Oh, it would be hell." 
 
 " I'd care very little " Hagar started to answer. 
 
 At that moment the door opened and Miss Gillespie 
 came in, stepping her way in precise manner up to the 
 side of Herrick. Her thin, frail body was wrapped in 
 a faded dressing gown, her pale freckled face, rigidly 
 set and determined. For a time she looked slowly from 
 one to the other without saying a word. 
 
 Then Hagar blurted out : " Frank, you remember Miss 
 Gillespie, Mr. Herrick." 
 
 " Oh, he remembers me, little girl," said the woman.
 
 238 Hagar Revelly 
 
 " I've been listening. I was just passing on my way to 
 the bathroom, when something he said stopped me. I 
 know all that's gone on in this room for the last half 
 hour. And from what I know," she looked bitterly into 
 Herrick's eyes, " I don't guess I missed much." 
 
 She took hold of Herrick's arm saying : " You go 
 now. I want to talk with Hagar." 
 
 Herrick noticed how her lips were set and in a first 
 impulse started to follow her command. Then he stopped 
 suddenly and said to Hagar, " Dear, has this woman any 
 right to come into our private affairs? " 
 
 In blind submission Hagar spoke to Miss Gillespie, 
 after only a moment's hesitation : " Miss Gillespie, 
 couldn't you come in later on? " while Herrick noticing 
 the influence he still possessed over the girl, turned back, 
 encouraged by Hagar's allegiance. 
 
 But Miss Gillespie was obdurate. " I've got my hands 
 in this affair, Mr. Herrick," she said quietly, " and the 
 best thing all around is for you to go home without any 
 fuss. Now, I'm talking business." 
 
 The boy stood by the side of Hagar, folding back 
 and forth, his grey felt hat. Then he seemed to suddenly 
 decide that here was a good chance to get rid of much 
 responsibility. He took a step towards the door. 
 
 " Shall I go, Hagar? " he asked. 
 
 The girl looked at him with great tears welling her 
 eyes. A sob, swelling in her throat, stifled whatever word 
 she had wished to give him. 
 
 "Well, I'll go." Then he took her hand and held it 
 for a moment. " Now don't worry, little girl," he said, 
 as he went through the doorway. 
 
 Leaving the room, he closed the door behind him with 
 rude strength, as if to show Miss Gillespie that he still 
 had some rebellion left in him.
 
 Hagar Revelly 239 
 
 " God, what a cad ! " said the woman, while the furni- 
 ture in the room shook. 
 
 Hagar turned away from her, and leaned over the 
 mantel, with her head buried in her arms. 
 
 Miss Gillespie walked over and raised the girl's head. 
 
 " Brace up, dear," said she, kindly. " We've got a 
 situation to face that demands something more than 
 tears." Half to herself she added : " And to think how 
 I was fooled." 
 
 " It's dear of you to come in," murmured Hagar. 
 
 " Well, I couldn't stand out there hearing him bully 
 you." 
 
 "But it isn't his fault," Hagar pleaded. "You 
 mustn't blame him. He was right. I should have told 
 him, I guess." 
 
 Miss Gillespie stood gazing. " Oh, you poor child, 
 you don't blame him for anything, do you?" 
 
 " I blame myself more." 
 
 " And don't you blame him ? " 
 
 Hagar dried her eyes with her tiny blue handkerchief. 
 " Is he any more to blame than I am? " she asked softly. 
 
 " You're a fine champion for our sex," Miss Gillespie 
 answered, letting a smile break through her face. Even 
 Hagar had to laugh a little. But in a moment Miss Gil- 
 lespie became more serious. " Yes, you think he has a 
 right to throw all the blame on you. Well, this may be 
 a funny world, Hagar, but you're the strangest thing 
 I ever met. You intend letting him out of it alto- 
 gether? " 
 
 " Oh, Miss Gillespie, I don't know what to do. I'm 
 not able to think now. Everything's so terrible." 
 
 Miss Gillespie put her arms around her and drew the 
 tearful face close to her lips. 
 
 " Dear Hagar, tell me something," she asked. " Do
 
 240 Hagar Revelly 
 
 you love this man, after he has told you that he wouldn't 
 marry you ? " 
 
 " He hasn't said that," she flared. 
 
 " He said quite as much." 
 
 " But not that. And I do love him. Oh, you can't 
 know how happy we've been." 
 
 " You poor dear," whispered the woman. 
 
 " And I know how he feels with me now," Hagar con- 
 tinued. " Why, he isn't really the one to blame after all. 
 I guess I should have known better. And then I don't 
 see what this has got to do with marriage anyway. Mar- 
 riage isn't just raising children. It's being altogether, 
 and having each other all the time." 
 
 Over an hour later, after the woman had put Hagar 
 to bed and covered her eyes with cold towels a good many 
 times, did they again get back upon the subject. 
 
 Hagar was much quieted now while Miss Gillespie 
 marvelled at the strange composition of this child who 
 seemed to take her distress so easily. 
 
 " There is many a woman, Hagar," said Miss Gillespie, 
 while she was busy over the girl, " who doesn't want to 
 have children at first, but who would give half her life 
 to have a child when it is too late. You see, we women 
 get older more quickly than men, and we've got to have 
 that little chain of flesh around their necks, or they'll 
 forget what we've given them." 
 
 " But haven't we got as much fun from them as they 
 have from us? " asked Hagar, earnestly. 
 
 " Child, child, do you think that marriage means only 
 having fun? " She studied the face of the girl, then 
 went on in a deliberate way : " Yes, I guess you do, 
 that's what a good many children like you get married 
 for. And how long do you think the fun lasts? Mar- 
 ried people after a while realize that marriage means 
 something more than fun. And pretty soon they begin
 
 to hunt around for that something and can't find 
 it." 
 
 Hagar thought that Miss Gillespie was settling into 
 a discussion of the present trouble. And at her first 
 words Hagar cried : " Oh, please, Miss Gillespie, don't 
 let's talk of that yet. Honestly, I'm afraid I'll go to 
 pieces if you do." Suddenly she thought of a new argu- 
 ment and hurried into it to keep the woman's words from 
 forming. 
 
 " Tell me, Miss Gillespie," she asked ; " why has a 
 woman the right to make a man share something he 
 doesn't want to share? " 
 
 " You mustn't think like that." 
 
 " But supposing," Hagar thought on, " that a man 
 fought against loving you as hard as he could ? 
 What then?" 
 
 " Is that Herrick's case ? " asked Miss Gillespie. 
 
 Hagar answered, " Yes," remembering his stern set 
 eyes and drawn mouth as he would leave her at night. 
 " I know Frank loved me all along," she added. " And 
 now I'm not going to make him so unhappy, even before 
 we're married." 
 
 " Then you think he intends marrying you, do you? " 
 
 " Why of course. We've never spoken of anything 
 different. This hasn't got anything to do with mar- 
 riage." 
 
 Miss Gillespie walked restlessly about the room for a 
 long time. Then she went over and turned off the gas. 
 The full moon lit up the room with a warm yellowish 
 glow. 
 
 " I am going to say something to you, child," she 
 began ; " I think you'll hear it better in the dark. We're 
 not getting down to the facts. In the first place you 
 see I haven't said a word of blame about this. And 
 then, when I do ask you one question, you answer it by
 
 Hagar Revelly 
 
 asking me another. This is serious, so serious that you 
 have no conception of its meaning. You are reasoning 
 with a baby's mind and are confronted with the problem 
 of a woman. . . . We've got to get down to the 
 main facts. Tell me, has anyone explained to you what 
 this means, the entrusting to you of a living thing that 
 some day will be born to grow up into a being that lives 
 and breathes just like you do? Has anyone ever told 
 you that?" 
 
 " Why, no," hesitated Hagar, not knowing exactly the 
 idea which Miss Gillespie was trying to bring out. 
 
 " Well, all right, no one has told you. So much the 
 worse. It's a thing that they ought to teach in every 
 school of the land. It's no disgrace to talk about it. 
 It's life, it means happiness to you and me, and it means 
 wrecked lives and rotten living. It's certainly more im- 
 portant than anything else they could teach. Well, this 
 is how it stands." She took a deep breath. " We, in 
 ourselves, only amount to as much as we can give and 
 we women have been given a mission. It is through a 
 woman only that the world can be kept going, can be kept 
 filled by human beings. Oh, it's a big thing, Hagar. 
 The most glorious, God-given right in all the world, is 
 to be able to give birth to a child. And it's a sacred 
 thing, too, Hagar. 
 
 " Well, people don't think of this," she continued. 
 " All the glory is taken away by the laws. But it is the 
 only way they can do it. So they have a law that if you 
 kill this thing, which isn't even born yet, it's murder 
 and they punish you for murder." 
 
 " Murder ! " repeated the startled Hagar after her. 
 
 " Yes, child, murder. It's the only way they can keep 
 people from doing things like this boy Herrick is think- 
 ing of doing. Yes, it is unfortunate that the minute you 
 make a law, people don't settle down to think how they
 
 Hagar Revelly 243 
 
 are going to live up to it, but how they are going to 
 get around it. And there you are. This glorious hal- 
 lowed privilege is made so that the police become the 
 guardian angels, instead of the Almighty Father. And 
 there's no two ways about it, which may be a good thing 
 after all. You've got to live up to the law. If you don't 
 you commit a crime against God and against the State, 
 too. Now, you don't want to be a criminal, do you, Ha- 
 gar? 
 
 " Good heavens, how you scare me, Miss Gillespie, talk- 
 ing so hard like that," Hagar cried, grasping the woman's 
 hand. 
 
 " I'm telling you the plain truth." 
 
 " Then, we are committing a crime if the child isn't 
 born?" 
 
 " Sure." 
 
 " But supposing that that the police don't find it 
 out? Is there a way to stop it the way Frank says?" 
 
 " Yes, perhaps, but if you are caught, everybody con- 
 cerned goes to jail." 
 
 " Oh, how terrible, how terrible ! " 
 
 " Yes, Hagar, it is terrible." 
 
 Hagar, trying hard to present the case so that in her 
 own eyes, there would be better opportunity to protect 
 Herrick, said : " But supposing, Miss Gillespie, I don't 
 do this crime, what then ? If I have the child, Frank 
 says he won't marry me." 
 
 " Hagar you are a fool," said Miss Gillespie sternly. 
 
 Then she relented, as she saw the beautiful young face 
 redden, and the dark limpid eyes fill with tears. She 
 hugged the child to her breast. 
 
 " Don't cry, kiddie, I'm only trying to pay off a debt 
 for my past sins, I guess," the woman said brokenly. 
 " You just go to sleep. I'll see you to-morrow evening 
 right after work. But you must remember, dearie, that
 
 you do owe more to God than you do to Herrick or your- 
 self. You will suffer more if you don't think of this." 
 
 It was a woeful night for poor Hagar. Maudlin 
 dreams beset her, or else wide-awake misery, and she 
 prayed hysterically all through the night for dawn to 
 come. When the faint grey of morning began touching 
 the green shade of the window, she felt as if a year's 
 vigil had passed. 
 
 Miss Gillespie went to work quite early in the morn- 
 ing. And Hagar felt that another scene had been averted, 
 for Herrick came only a few minutes after the little 
 woman had left. 
 
 When she met him in the parlor, he took her in his 
 arms, in a long tumultuous embrace. 
 
 " Poor dearie," he cried, guiltily, as she came into the 
 parlor, " I was mean to you last night. But we'll fix 
 it all up to-day, and then we'll be happy again." 
 
 " I want to be happy so badly, Frank," she said, as they 
 stood regarding each other. 
 
 " Well, don't you worry, we'll have a lot of happy 
 days yet. Now, I've been thinking all night, Hagar," 
 he went on ; "I suppose you have too " 
 
 " Yes, I have. I couldn't sleep a bit all night." 
 
 " What did you think of? " 
 
 " Oh, I don't know, I pretty nearly went crazy." 
 
 " Well, it will be all over, soon. We'll just get busy 
 right away." 
 
 She perceived in his face at that moment, a peculiar 
 expression that frightened her. 
 
 " You mean that we that we should do some- 
 thing? " she begged. 
 
 " Yes, but don't be scared." Nearly whispering into 
 her ear, he added : " I've got the name of three good 
 ones to go to already." 
 
 All the anguish that had risen through Miss Gilles-
 
 Hagar Revelly 245 
 
 pie's words, and had tortured her through the long night, 
 now came back, surging heedlessly through her being. 
 
 " Oh, Frank, what will they do to me? Will they hurt 
 me?" 
 
 " Don't, kiddie," he said rather lightly ; " we'll see 
 about that when the time comes. First, I'm going to 
 take you to see a Dr. Neugarde, and see what he says. 
 Maybe he'll do it for us. Then it will be easy sailing. 
 In a few days, we can go up to the Mallorys and have a 
 celebration." 
 
 " But, Frank " Hagar's eyes were choked with tears ; 
 she was making a valiant effort to control herself. 
 
 Herrick was kinder than ever. " Don't, old girl," he 
 said softly. " You leave it all to me. I'll take care of 
 you." After a moment's hesitation, he asked earnestly: 
 " Do you love me ? " 
 
 " Oh, Frank, of course." 
 
 "Well that's all that's necessary. I'll do the 
 rest." 
 
 His tone conveyed so much finality and decisive force, 
 there seemed no reprieve in his words. 
 
 She did as he bade her. After a few more words, in 
 which time Herrick was more ardent than ever before, 
 she left him and went upstairs, and with trembling cold 
 fingers put on her coat and hat. 
 
 " You promise to take care of me, Frank? " she begged 
 falteringly, as she rejoined him. 
 
 " Of course, I promise." 
 
 Herrick hurried her out of the house, and they were 
 well on the way to the office of Dr. Neugarde before he 
 gave her an opportunity to express any more hesitation 
 at the undertaking. 
 
 They had already alighted from the street car, and 
 were turning a corner into the little street where the doc- 
 tor lived, when Hagar clutched his arm.
 
 246 Hagar Revelly 
 
 " You're sure we're doing right, Frank ? " she asked 
 tremblingly. 
 
 " Why, of course, Neugarde is one of the best in town 
 if he will do it." 
 
 Hagar walked along silently by his side- 
 
 After some thought, she asked: 
 
 "Why shouldn't he do it, Frank?" 
 
 " Oh he may be too busy or want too much." 
 
 " How much will it cost ? " 
 
 " Well, that is according to whom you go to. I guess 
 if you've got a lot of money, and they know it, they'd 
 soak you pretty good, but I won't pay more than twenty- 
 five dollars." 
 
 " Does it cost so much as that ? " 
 
 " If you go to the good ones, it does, and we won't 
 run any chances. I'm too fond of you for that." He 
 gave her hand an affectionate squeeze. 
 
 It was after nine o'clock before they gained admit- 
 tance to Dr. Neugarde's inner office. The doctor was a 
 man of perhaps fifty years, with heavy elliptical spec- 
 tacles over his eyes and an odd semi-circular scar across 
 his mouth and chin. 
 
 " Good morning, Dr. Neugarde," said Herrick, as he 
 pushed Hagar into the room ahead of him. 
 
 The doctor answered quietly, " Good morning." 
 
 Being calmly scrutinized by the physician disturbed 
 Herrick for a time, and he was very apparently at a loss 
 for words to explain his mission. 
 
 At last he gained courage and said : " You are a 
 specialist for women, aren't you? " 
 
 " I'm a gynecologist, yes. Take a seat," replied the 
 physician. 
 
 Herrick started talking immediately, while Hagar sat 
 at the doctor's side. It confused Herrick even more when
 
 Hagar Revelly 
 
 he saw the doctor's eyes roam restlessly to the face of 
 the girl. 
 
 " Well," Herrick commenced, " I've I've brought 
 my wife to see you, doctor. We are not desirous of hav- 
 ing any children, and so we thought we would 3ee you 
 about it." 
 
 " How long have you been married ? " the physician 
 asked, noticing at that moment that Hagar's face be- 
 came drawn and pallid. 
 
 " About a year." 
 
 " Who sent you to me? " 
 
 The physician's questions confused Herrick. He had 
 not expected to be subjected to such an interview. 
 
 " Why, nobody, I just heard of you." 
 
 "You heard that I do this kind of work?" 
 
 Herrick was a little angered. " Oh, no, only just that 
 you are a specialist for women." 
 
 " And nobody sent you ? " 
 
 " No, sir, nobody." 
 
 " Then how did you hear of me? " 
 
 " Why, I don't know. I just inquired around- I 
 think maybe it was in some drug store." 
 
 Dr. Neugarde rose slowly from his chair and took 
 hold of Hagar's hand. 
 
 Very gently he asked, " What is your name ? " 
 
 Herrick reddened, but did not notice the full meaning 
 of the physician's subtle question. This was indeed a 
 point that had been overlooked. 
 
 However, Hagar startled Herrick, even herself, by an- 
 swering spontaneously, " Mrs. Mrs. Kennedy, doctor." 
 
 The doctor turned to question her directly There 
 was a playful smile hovering about his mouth. 
 
 " Well, Mrs. Kennedy, how long have you been in your 
 condition ? " he asked gently.
 
 248 Hagar Revelly 
 
 Hagar tried to answer, but something clutched at her 
 throat. She could only turn away and hide her face in 
 her hands. 
 
 Herrick came over to her and said in words that were 
 tinged with some anger, " Now don't give way to your- 
 self this way, Hagar." Then to the doctor, he said: 
 " We don't know exactly. It has been several months." 
 
 " And you didn't think of such a thing as this 
 before? " 
 
 Hagar started to reply, but Herrick was the first to 
 speak, blurting out : " Sure, doctor, I told her about it 
 all the time but we just neglected it, that's all." 
 
 The physician walked over to Herrick's side. 
 
 " Well, young man," he began, " take the dear little 
 wife back to your home and thank God you're so lucky ! " 
 
 "Why, what do you mean?" 
 
 " I mean that you are a lucky boy to have such a 
 beautiful girl for a wife." He looked kindly at Hagar. 
 
 Herrick showed his perplexity. " Then you won't do 
 anything, doctor? " 
 
 The physician turned on him angrily. " Why, abso- 
 lutely not." 
 
 " But it's all right. We're married." 
 
 " I don't question you." 
 
 " Then I can't see why you refuse. I'll pay twenty- 
 five dollars cash." 
 
 A sudden thought seemed to come to Herrick's mind, 
 now. " Doctor, it isn't because it is too late, is it ? " 
 
 The doctor's face relaxed somewhat from its former 
 sternness. 
 
 " Well. It is probably pretty late to (do the kind of 
 despicable business about which you have approached me. 
 However, so far as that goes, for me, my young friend, 
 it is always too late. I don't dabble in this kind of busi- 
 ness."
 
 Hagar Revelly 249 
 
 " You mean if there was danger of her losing her life, 
 you wouldn't do it ? " 
 
 The doctor asked Hagar to stand up, and for a mo- 
 ment he studied her well-rounded hips and full bust. 
 
 After only a moment's scrutiny, he said : " I think I 
 can easily say, without further examination, that she'll 
 have no trouble." 
 
 " Then there is no more to do ? " questioned Herrick. 
 
 Dr. Neugarde smiled. " Yes, young man get out of 
 my office." He walked over and opened the door for them, 
 then went back to his desk and engaged himself in some 
 work. 
 
 There was a moment spent in contemplation, and Her- 
 rick sulked out of the room, dragging Hagar with him. 
 
 They were dismissed. And Herrick's temper was not 
 cooled by the interview. 
 
 " I wonder if the old fool knew," he said to Hagar, as 
 they gained the street. Then, " Oh, I guess he did, but 
 never mind." 
 
 Hagar ventured the information that perhaps they had 
 not offered enough, while Herrick took a slip of paper 
 from out his pocketbook. He showed her the first of 
 three names he had written upon it. 
 
 Mrs. H. D. Delabar, 
 
 Midwife. 
 Second Ave. 
 
 Hagar, with increased alarm, saw him study the ao!- 
 dress. 
 
 A fresh surging of fear swept over her. She pulled 
 at his arm, crying, as she held back : " Oh, Frank, for 
 God's sake, I can't go, I can't, I can't. Didn't you see 
 the doctor? He knew, and I can't, I won't, because it is 
 a terrible crime."
 
 250 Hagar Revelly 
 
 Herrick looked at her with a glance that presaged the 
 losing of his temper. 
 
 " Miss Gillespie has been talking to you, I suppose," he 
 answered. 
 
 " She told me a good deal," affirmed Hagar. 
 
 " Then you care more for Miss Gillespie than you do 
 for me, do you? " 
 
 His argument bore home. Reluctantly, feebly, but 
 without a protest, she dragged along by his side, like a 
 little old woman, until they reached the number on Second 
 Avenue. 
 
 " You wait here until I take a look at the place," he 
 said, disappointedly, as they found the business abode of 
 Mrs. Delabar to be a decrepit two-story brick building, 
 ready at any moment to tumble to the ground. 
 
 " I won't make out why I came at first," he said. " I 
 will just ask her a few questions. I can tell by that if 
 it is all right." 
 
 Leaving her standing on the sidewalk, fearsome and 
 wondering, he went up the dingy stairway. About Hagar 
 were a half dozen dirty-faced children, playing like little 
 kittens in the gutter. 
 
 In a moment he came back. 
 
 " I believe it is all right. I'm not struck with the looks 
 of the place, but the woman talked as if she knew her 
 business." 
 
 Automatically Hagar followed his bidding. Slowly 
 they ascended to the second story of the delapidated build- 
 ing, first having to go back through a long hallway, that 
 had on one side a combination butcher-shop and grocery 
 store, and on the other side a Chinese laundry. 
 
 When they reached the top of the stairway, a tall, gaunt 
 negress ushered them into a little reception room. Mrs. 
 Delabar didn't come in for a few minutes and Herrick 
 went over to the window while Hagar sat down immediately
 
 Hagar Revelly 251 
 
 under a nervous, chirping canary, that flitted back and 
 forth in its little prison cage. 
 
 Soon Mrs. Delabar came in. 
 
 She too, was very thin and surveyed the pair suspi- 
 ciously. 
 
 " Mrs. Delabar, we've come to see you in regard 
 to my wife," began Herrick rather decisively this 
 time. 
 
 The woman only looked at him silently. Herrick went 
 on : " And we thought we'd come and see you about the 
 case. I was told that you are competent." 
 
 The woman's eyes seemed to brighten, but there was a 
 dulness, a sadness in them that spoke of a fire long ex- 
 tinguished. Just as she was to answer Herrick, a little 
 crippled youngster with a bright, happy face and curly 
 hair, ran into the room. 
 
 " S-sh, go back to the kitchen," whispered the woman, 
 as she patted the child on the head. Then she turned to 
 Hagar and Herrick, and said, " Hip-joint disease, poor 
 child." When the door was shut after the boy, she re- 
 joined them, saying, " I'm sorry to interrupt you. Please 
 go on." 
 
 " Oh, that's all right," Herrick replied, still retaining 
 his positive manner. " We only wanted to see you about 
 it now, find out what you'd charge, and so forth." 
 
 " That's according to the length of the confinement, 
 and how much you want me to do afterwards," replied 
 Mrs. Delabar hesitating to start first on the money 
 part of the agreement. 
 
 Herrick spoke up, " Oh, we'd want you to go right 
 ahead with it until everything was all right." 
 
 " Well," said the woman, " I'm not so busy now, and 
 would like to have the case very much. My time isn't 
 very full for the next three or four months, so whenever 
 you expect to be ready, you could let me know."
 
 252 Hagar Revelly 
 
 " Why, we're ready now, right away," the boy ex- 
 claimed earnestly. 
 
 The woman surveyed Hagar closely, apparently puzzled 
 at Herrick's words. 
 
 " Dear child," she then said to Hagar, " you mustn't 
 lace so tightly. You hardly show a sign." 
 
 " Oh, I'm only it's still a few months before " 
 Hagar confessed with a desire to show that she was not so 
 ignorant as the woman probably thought. 
 
 Though neither Hagar nor the boy beside her under- 
 stood the strange manner that came over the woman at this 
 moment, they did not have to wait long for elucidation. 
 
 She turned to Herrick with set jaws. 
 
 " I thought you said you expected the time right 
 away ? " 
 
 " I meant we were ready," he answered. 
 
 "So you wanted me to do a criminal abortion? Is 
 that it? " 
 
 Herrick winced as she spoke the name, and at her lack 
 of delicacy in expressing it. 
 
 " We want to have the matter attended to right away," 
 he said firmly. " We were afraid my wife wasn't strong 
 enough to have a child." 
 
 " Well you'll have to go elsewhere." Mrs. Delabar's 
 eyes were bright with anger. Arising, she went over and 
 opened the door, and at the same time, said, with a little 
 bitterness in her voice, " Thank God, my hands are clean, 
 even if my pocket book is empty." 
 
 Hagar had walked quickly out into the little landing of 
 the stairway. 
 
 But Herrick hesitated, as if he wished to debate the 
 question with her. 
 
 " You've struck the wrong place, young man," the 
 woman went on, as he hesitated to leave. " You'll find a 
 lot who will do it. There are a lot of people who make
 
 Hagar Revelly 253 
 
 their living doing this thing. It's making New York into 
 a hell-hole. And they've got police protection too. But 
 whoever sent you here, sent you to the wrong place. 
 Good day, sir." 
 
 And again, they were dismissed. 
 
 Going down the steps, Herrick thought to himself: "I 
 should have asked her the names of those other places." 
 
 But he fished back into his pocket book for the little slip 
 of yellow paper. 
 
 "We're having some time, aren't we?" he said to Ha- 
 gar, with a laugh. 
 
 " I'll only go to one more place," she murmured. Her 
 tone rang cold, full of bitterness and despair. " I'm sick 
 of this disgusting business." 
 
 Herrick counselled her to be calm, saying that theirs 
 was only a duty that lay on ahead of many hundreds of 
 men and women each day. Reluctantly she gave in to 
 him. 
 
 They approached the second midwife, a stout colored 
 lady, on Third Avenue. 
 
 The interview was short, very short. 
 
 " I'm willing to do the business, but not on a case so 
 far advanced," she told them. " I've got to look out for 
 number one. I'm sorry, sir, but it's too late, and you 
 won't find anybody else that's got any sense." 
 
 In a frenzy of disappointment, Herrick dragged the 
 girl across the alley-like street, through the throngs of 
 drunken men and ragged anaemic women, to the third 
 place, the last on his list. 
 
 And they received the same answer. 
 
 The woman, nearly a counterpart of Mrs. Delabar, 
 " would be glad to do it, but it was too late." 
 
 " Then what are we to do ? " begged Hagar, as they 
 stumbled along the sidewalk. 
 
 " Oh, we'll find somebody," he replied, somewhat hope-
 
 Hagar Revelly 
 
 lessly. " I guess a thing like this has got to be done in a 
 hospital." 
 
 They walked the entire way home, both overwhelmed by 
 the calamity that now engulfed them, though in Hagar's 
 mind lay a thought that she was thankful for the turn 
 events had taken. 
 
 " He'll know now that I was at least willing to do as he 
 asked," she kept saying to herself. 
 
 It was nearly noontime when they reached her steps and 
 as Herrick was obliged to hurry back to the factory, she 
 trudged alone up the stairway, immersed in a feeling of 
 isolation and despair. 
 
 On reaching her room, she found a little white envelope 
 laying face upwards on her dressing table. She opened it 
 quickly and searched for the signature. It was from 
 Miss Gillespie. She read: 
 
 " Dear Hagar: 
 
 I could not get you over the telephone, and so am sending this 
 note by special messenger. Don't come near the store until I 
 see you. If you do, Greenfield will question you, and make 
 you think I told him all. However, he knows absolutely noth- 
 ing, though I have had a quarrel with him and have given up 
 my position. See you to-night. 
 
 MABEL GILLESPIE. 
 
 P.S. You have a very bad cold, understand. And don't 
 you dare to leave the house." 
 
 In vain Hagar cast about for explanation of the note. 
 It was nearly impossible for her to await the evening. 
 
 What had Miss Gillespie told Greenfield ? And why was 
 she leaving her position? If they hadn't talked about 
 her, why should Miss Gillespie have any fear that he 
 would question her? 
 
 Mingled ire and curiosity flooded her senses. It was a 
 relief indeed when Miss Gillespie came home from the store
 
 Ha gar Revelly 2S6 
 
 that night. Her first question of Hagar was to know if 
 the note had been received. 
 
 " I didn't see you at the store," she said ; " but I wasn't 
 sure." 
 
 " I got it," answered Hagar, " but I don't understand 
 it." 
 
 Then Miss Gillespie related her entire interview with 
 Greenfield. She had gone to him utterly unable to control 
 a desire to censure him for putting Hagar in the way of 
 enticing things. She had not meant to give him the idea 
 that there was any trouble, but in a moment of anger he 
 had turned on her, accusing her of keeping Hagar away 
 and of telling her that he was not the right company. 
 Then what could she do? She thought she could not dare 
 to tell him the real reason for Hagar's staying away 
 so she let him believe that he had struck the right expla- 
 nation. 
 
 " One word brought another, Hagar," Miss Gillespie 
 went on, " and at last he told me I could leave on the 15th, 
 so there you are. I'm out of a job." 
 
 Hagar thought a long time, at last saying, " Well, I'm 
 awfully sorry, of course. But I don't see what right you 
 had to discuss my affairs with Greenfield or anyone 
 else." 
 
 Of a sudden, a remorseless anger appeared to have shot 
 up in her. Completely ignoring her benefactor, Hagar 
 walked angrily back and forth across the room. 
 
 " Why Hagar, you don't feel that way against me, do 
 you?" asked Miss Gillespie. 
 
 All the pent-up emotions, the disappointments she had 
 suffered, the product of her agonizing, withering experi- 
 ence, now came forth in a torrent of words. 
 
 " Yes," she went on, " that's the way I feel. You've 
 put ideas in my head that spoiled everything between 
 Frank and me. I would have submitted to whatever he
 
 256 Hagar Revelly 
 
 wanted me to do, and now since I know more about it I 
 can't my God, I can't. And he's so unhappy, and I am 
 unhappy, and you've lost your job, all because of it. 
 You're always preaching and talking rotten stuff. Good 
 heavens, why couldn't you leave a thing that's bad enough, 
 alone. Now look what you've done by your med- 
 dling." 
 
 Miss Gillespie took her by the shoulders. 
 
 " You've been out to-day, haven't you? " 
 
 " Yes, I have," replied Hagar bravely. 
 
 " And you found out that it's too late, haven't 
 you?" 
 
 Hagar shook her head, and less defiantly, faltered, " I 
 think so." 
 
 " I thought as much." 
 
 Then Miss Gillespie, in a very quiet way, told what her 
 plans had been. 
 
 " I don't know just what to say to you about this, 
 Hagar," she continued. " But I'm going to tell you now, 
 why I tried to make you see all that was good and holy. 
 It was that I knew that it was too late. And that was 
 one reason why I didn't want you to leave the house 
 to-day. I didn't want him to get hold of you. To my 
 mind that seemed the best way of making you understand. 
 It would take a longer time than we've got to get you to 
 see the sacredness of it. So I just made up my mind to 
 have you hold out against the possibility of getting this 
 information. He would have stayed by you then, I'm 
 sure of it. But now " 
 
 "What now " 
 
 " Well, now he's heard them tell you the truth of it, and 
 I don't dare to think what he might do." 
 
 " You think he won't marry me now ? " 
 
 " I think more than that " came the answer. 
 " Oh, why did you leave the house to-day ? "
 
 Hagar Revelly S57 
 
 Hagar understood more fully now the meaning of Miss 
 Gillespie's suspicions. 
 
 Late that night, after Hagar had waited over three 
 hours for Herrick to keep his word and come to her, there 
 came instead, by special messenger, a short note. In the 
 envelope was twenty -five dollars. The note said that there 
 had been some words with the boss at the factory and as 
 they were reducing his salary anyway, he had decided to 
 leave. He had heard of another job in a small town in 
 Michigan, and he was leaving that night because there 
 was a chance of losing it if he didn't get there right away. 
 He hoped everything would be all right and was glad to do 
 the square thing by her and leave her the twenty-five 
 dollars. She must not hesitate to use it. 
 
 Miss Gillespie sat up the night with her. 
 
 In the morning a doctor came, procured through the 
 landlady's young son, and pronounced the attack as one 
 of typical hysteria, which sometimes, for no apparent 
 reason attacked girls of about her age. It was probably 
 due to nervous exhaustion accompanied by some indis- 
 cretion of diet. 
 
 Three days later, Miss Gillespie moved Hagar and her- 
 self into another boarding house, an old brick building 
 on Second Avenue, near Twentieth Street. 
 
 Through the loquacity of Queolla LaMotte, all the 
 boarders knew the real order of things, and so she thought 
 it best that they both leave now, of their own accord. 
 Realizing also that Greenfield's scrutinizing eye would 
 be more alert than ever, she persuaded Hagar to give up 
 the position at Rheinchild's. And as Hagar saw that she 
 must do this anyway before many weeks passed, she readily 
 gave in to the older woman's wishes. 
 
 Another event, which did not altogether displease 
 Hagar was to be told by her undiscerning mother, when she 
 visited her on the second day of her residence in the new
 
 ,258 Hagar Revelly 
 
 boarding place, that Mr. Nealj had procured a very good 
 position in Poughkeepsie, as the editor of an evening 
 paper, and that she had thought it over and decided for 
 the sake of companionship, to also take up her residence 
 in that city. She would leave in another week, and open 
 a refined boarding place ; through Mr. Nealy it would not 
 be long before she could do even better than she was 
 doing in New York. Hagar would take all her vacation 
 there, and run up now and then on Sundays. 
 
 She told Hagar how she had written a letter to the 
 professor many weeks before, saying that she did not want 
 him to send any longer the entire monthly allowance of 
 seventy-five dollars. 
 
 In the dim twilight that evening, the mother told the 
 daughter of future plans ; while the child, her mind full 
 of her own troubles, felt that she must get away quickly 
 or else through weakness divulge to the mother the hidden 
 secret.
 
 CHAPTER XX 
 
 GREENFIELD received Hagar's written resignation without 
 a word of remonstrance. She had thought that he would 
 perhaps send a note to her at least, might even come him- 
 self to find out the trouble. Indeed, so curious was Hagar 
 to ascertain whether he had done this, she called up the 
 old boarding-place. But no word had been received, and 
 when Miss Gillespie secured for her a position at Macy's, 
 there was in her acceptance of it a certain spirit of 
 revenge for his apparent indifference to her. 
 
 Meanwhile, Miss Gillespie had found it not so easy to 
 obtain a position for herself. Feeling she could not 
 go backwards in her progress, she soon realized it 
 was only in this manner that she would be able to procure 
 anything. The field was rather limited at this season of 
 the year, and even had she been willing to take a smaller 
 salary, she could not obtain a position with anything like 
 the amount of responsibility to which she had been ac- 
 customed. 
 
 After nearly an entire week spent in a fruitless search, 
 she entered into correspondence with the Chicago branch 
 of a New York firm, and at last, when this seemed the only 
 thing left for her to do, she accepted the position. 
 
 It was a woeful task for Hagar to see the kind woman 
 board the train at the Pennsylvania Station. When the 
 thin figure disappeared into the tunnel-like stairway lead- 
 ing down to the tracks, Hagar felt as if it were she, and 
 not Miss Gillespie, who was being swallowed up and taken 
 away. 
 
 Until the rear lights of the train entered the tunnel, 
 
 259
 
 260 Hagar Revelly 
 
 Hagar stood peering down between the black iron bars, 
 while surging over her was an intensified sensation of un- 
 satisfaction, of loss, arid great sadness. 
 
 Walking over Thirty-second Street to the Broadway 
 car, her face pale, her eyes glancing far ahead, Hagar's 
 thoughts went back many times to the little freckled face 
 woman. When she reached her home, and realized for the 
 first time that she was actually alone, there seemed 
 nothing else left for her to do but to cry. And in rather 
 a methodical fashion, she undressed and went to bed, with 
 a yellow paper-backed novel she had found in the writing 
 room at the store and a plentiful supply of handkerchiefs. 
 
 Each day became a separate ordeal after that. Her 
 position at Macy's was an unpleasant one, since she must 
 sit confined in a sort of cage and make the change that 
 came to her in little rubber-capped brass boxes. The puff- 
 ing of the air-tubes and the sudden shooting out of the 
 rubber-padded cases, continually startled her. Then there 
 was none of the freedom, none of the feeling of ownership, 
 that had been hers when at Rheinchild's. 
 
 Many times as she sat in her little wire house, she would 
 wish that she might be back in her old position. She 
 would even think that she had acted wrongly in doing as 
 Miss Gillespie had told her, and once when thinking in this 
 fashion, she asked of herself if Miss Gillespie had not made 
 her do this just to get even with Mr. Greenfield. 
 
 The days dragged slowly. She had been in the new 
 position about six weeks when she found she could not 
 longer meet the inquisitive glances of the girls about her. 
 Whenever she went into the wash-room, always there 
 would be a half dozen or more giggling youngsters ungal- 
 lantly screwing themselves through the crowd, passing 
 hushed comments here and there. 
 
 Even at the boarding-house it was nearly as bad. She 
 had to lie and smirk at every step, telling the landlady,
 
 Hagar Revelly 
 
 who had a bigger heart than was apparent at first ac- 
 quaintance, that her husband was ill in the West, and out 
 of a position ; that he had been on a big surveying scheme 
 that had fallen through and would not be able to get back 
 for two or three months. She was surprised to find how 
 easily she told the story which Miss Gillespie had spent 
 a whole evening in framing. 
 
 But never before had she encountered such a period of 
 loneliness as was now her lot. Her mother's letters from 
 Poughkeepsie and occasional letters from the unhappy 
 Miss Gillespie in Chicago did not fill the gap made when 
 they had left her. 
 
 One evening she walked the entire length of Riverside 
 Drive up to One Hundred and Twenty-fifth Street, and 
 with every step she took there seemed to be presented a 
 new angle to her misery. She walked until her legs and 
 back ached her so she could no longer stand the pain; 
 then she sank into a bench alongside the road, with the 
 realization that it was not many months before when she 
 had been so happy in nearly the same place, with her 
 mother and Mr. Nealy. She reached home about eleven 
 o'clock, and as she dragged herself up the stairway, her 
 legs felt as if they were hot coals, and her back a thing 
 of glass. 
 
 The nights were the hardest to bear. Where formerly 
 she was at least sure of seeing Miss Gillespie, or Herrick, 
 or her mother when she wished her, she was now compelled 
 to stay in her room. One evening she spent sitting on the 
 stoop downstairs with the other boarders. But their 
 glances made her so unhappy, she never again went near 
 their nightly gathering. 
 
 Her only real diversion was a moving picture establish- 
 ment about a block away. And, after she had discovered 
 the place, she was almost a nightly visitor. 
 
 Nearly every evening she would pay the small fee and
 
 Hagar Revelly 
 
 then occupy some seat in the last row. After a time, she 
 began to feel that one of these seats was being reserved 
 for her, as often she found one of them vacant, when the 
 rest of the hall was comfortably filled. 
 
 At least, it was a good pastime for her, and her grasp- 
 ing mind made alive the heroes and heroines of the shad- 
 owed canvas. Many times would tears come into her 
 eyes when some engrossing love scene was depicted; and 
 when the lovers were at last happily united in each other's 
 arms, she would come out of her trance to find herself 
 sobbing with joy. 
 
 Hagar found that a bond of kinship existed between 
 herself and the other " regulars " of the picture show. 
 A speaking acquaintanceship sprung up between herself 
 and a half dozen others as she continued to visit 
 the place. They were all women, and they usually sat in 
 the last row ; most of them came alone and only seldom did 
 she see them in company with some man or some other 
 woman. 
 
 One night she stopped to speak to a woman, a good deal 
 past her own age, who for the last few times had been 
 sitting next to her. 
 
 " I see you nearly every night," said Hagar. " Do 
 you always come so often ? " 
 
 " Oh, yes. There is nothing else to do." 
 
 The woman asked Hagar where she lived and when 
 Hagar told her, the woman begged her to call sometimes. 
 She lived only a block away. 
 
 " I come here about every other night," she went on. 
 " I've got a man, but we can't be seen out together. He's 
 married, you know." She gave a sad, weary smile. 
 
 In one way or another Hagar came to understand that 
 a moving picture show was an institution that harbored 
 many lonely women. The back row was always filled and 
 she would often wonder if their story was the same as that
 
 Hagar Revelly 263 
 
 of the woman she'd met. As she kept on visiting the 
 place, she came to feel that the air of mystery that hung 
 about these silent, lonesome people was a thing to be 
 sought for, and when, after a time she came to have a 
 nodding acquaintance with most of them, her childish mind 
 put her too, in this charmed circle. 
 
 In only a few weeks Hagar felt it a solemn duty that 
 she appear in her usual seat in the last row. 
 
 A great change had really taken place in her since Miss 
 Gillespie's departure. No longer was she the innocent, 
 eager child that had confronted Greenfield, or who had 
 become so embittered towards Nealy. 
 
 It seemed that something in her had broken, as if she 
 were a big bubble that had been pierced by some sharp 
 instrument. She felt so little interested now in the things 
 that interested other people. Everything appeared 
 rather useless. When she would become excited over some 
 passing thing, she would feel a little ashamed of herself 
 for having the emotion. 
 
 This period of resignation lasted until about a month 
 before the expected event. Then there came, quite 
 suddenly, it seemed, a gradual metamorphosis. She be- 
 came awakened, without being able to account for it, and 
 found herself stimulated by the things that previously had 
 made her resigned and submissive. 
 
 One night, standing in front of the mirror, she found 
 as she regarded herself, that she was possessed of a fierce 
 desire to get over her trouble, and be pretty and young 
 again. After that night, the quest for freedom and 
 happiness was the dominating influence that made her 
 enter into each day with a nearly frenzied desire for fur- 
 ther enduring. 
 
 And now she would walk along the street, shutting her 
 eyes and gritting her teeth at the perilous facts that 
 awaited her. Terrible, strange sensations, would again
 
 Hagar Revelly 
 
 and again nearly force her into the most abject periods of 
 despondency. But it only made her fight more grimly. 
 She found the only way to battle against these weaker 
 moments was to set her teeth and repeat over and over 
 again in her thoughts : " I am going to live I am 
 going to live I am going to live." 
 
 The advisability of sending for some one often came to 
 her mind. She had so little money, there was only about 
 thirty dollars left in the Adams Bank where she kept her 
 deposit, and each day was eating steadily into that. She 
 wished a good deal that Miss Gillespie was in New York, 
 and even thought she would write to her mother, who was 
 now so happy in Poughkeepsie, and tell her everything. 
 
 But a picture of their meeting, and all the wrath and 
 censure would quickly dismiss the idea. Even telling 
 Greenfield was considered, but that showed itself to be out 
 of the question since he knew nothing of her dilemma, 
 it seemed very foolish to inform him. 
 
 The only one to whom she could turn was Thatah, and 
 Hagar fully decided to send her a note in the next few 
 days, begging for an interview. Of course, Thatah hated 
 her, but she couldn't really blame her, and there seemed no 
 way out of it. 
 
 As she thought it over, it appeared she must be able 
 to endure the humiliations for the benefit to be gained. 
 Thatah could loan her a little money until she was able to 
 get back to work. 
 
 However, she put off sending for her sister until the 
 doctor should give her a definite period. 
 
 The darker days crept on quickly. 
 
 She gave up her position in Macy's and now spent the 
 time in her room, sitting and waiting in a vague, bewil- 
 dered way, full of suspense and dread. 
 
 One morning, after a long time spent in hesitation she 
 wrote the letter asking Thatah to come.
 
 Hagar Revelly 265 
 
 It was a dark, gloomy day, and at noontime, Hagar 
 felt so restless and uneasy, she sought her bed. An odd 
 feeling of lassitude hung over her, and a little later in the 
 afternoon she felt so ill, she called in the young physician 
 to whom she had spoken about her case. 
 
 The doctor came and comforted her a good deal by 
 telling her there was no need to worry, that it was many 
 days before she need be watchful, and that she was only 
 suffering from nervousness and apprehension. 
 
 For this information, she handed him a dollar and a 
 half. However, she felt that he was not giving her case 
 enough importance, or else that he was really worried and 
 only put the matter lightly so that she would not be aware 
 of it. She wished that she could have afforded a more ex- 
 pensive physician. 
 
 Hagar was hardly settled in bed that night, after a 
 meal which had been brought up from the dining room, 
 when a great discomfort overcame her. At five o'clock, 
 the next morning, the child, a boy, was born to her.
 
 CHAPTER XXI 
 
 THE child was hardly three weeks born, before Mrs. 
 Kempfest, the landlady, inquired of Hagar about the pay- 
 ment of the accumulated board money. 
 
 This was a difficult situation to face for the girl, as 
 Thatah had paid no attention to her note, and there 
 having been some signs of inflammation that necessitated 
 her remaining in bed for a time longer than the usual 
 period, every bit of money had been given to the doctor to 
 make him continue his visits. 
 
 " I must inquire, Mrs. Kennedy, as to who will pay me 
 my board money," said the woman, as she stood in the 
 shadow of the doorway. " It is already three weeks, and 
 I never wait for more than a week for anybody." 
 
 Hagar was lying quietly in bed. Arousing herself 
 slowly, she asked, as if she had not heard, what was the 
 trouble. 
 
 The woman repeated the object of her visit. 
 
 Hagar drew herself up on the pillow, her face still 
 flushed with fever. 
 
 " Please, please, Mrs. Kempfest," she begged, weakly, 
 " don't worry me now. I'll be better in a few days, and 
 you won't lose anything." 
 
 Standing on the threshold of the door, with her red 
 hands on her hips, and a very stern expression about her 
 mouth and eyes, the woman regarded Hagar for some 
 time, and then, with mumbled words to herself, abruptly 
 left the room and went down the stairway. 
 
 That evening Hagar wrote another note to Thatah, 
 
 again begging her to come. 
 
 266
 
 Hagar Revelly 267 
 
 " Ask for Mrs. Frank Kennedy," she wrote. " I am 
 sick in bed. Please come, please." It was a discordant 
 whisper of despair that Hagar penned on the white paper. 
 
 Then she called down to Mrs. Kempfest, asking that 
 someone come up to take the letter. One of the women, 
 with whom she had formed something of a friendship, 
 came up, after over an hour of waiting. But it was only 
 to hear again repeated in her ears, as if in payment for 
 the errand, the intelligence that no one had called on her 
 since she had been sick, and that everybody was remarking 
 about it. 
 
 It was suspicion again, but the full importance of the 
 woman's remark did not penetrate into poor Hagar's 
 understanding, until the woman was well down the stair- 
 way. Then she called her back. 
 
 " I want you to understand," Hagar emphasized, " that 
 my husband that my husband is on a surveying trip, 
 and if you knew anything about it, you'd know that they 
 stay away from civilization for months at a time." 
 
 " I am sorry, child," said the woman quietly, noticing 
 in Hagar's face an unhappiness that for all the child's 
 harsh words made her feel kindly toward her. 
 
 To Hagar's great surprise, Thatah came up very early 
 the next morning. The milkman had just left his bottles 
 at the bottom of the stairs, and as she came softly up the 
 stairway, the rattle of his cart was mingled in her steps. 
 Thatah had an opportunity to come into the room even, 
 without Hagar being aware of it. 
 
 A cheerless sight met Thatah's eyes. Hagar, whom 
 she had thought so lucky, lay in the bed, her head buried 
 in a heap of soiled white blankets, her body outlined by 
 a curved ridge in the covering. 
 
 The room smelled illy, as of clothing drenched by rain, 
 or the stale smell of hair and bristle. On the floor was 
 spread a worn bit of rug ; on the window, as though bur-
 
 268 Hagar Revelly 
 
 dened by some human effort, were two geranium plants 
 struggling for existence in the foul atmosphere. 
 
 It was dark in the room, and Thatah's eyes did not 
 penetrate to the bed and its occupants with anything more 
 than a casual glance, until her eyes swept past nearly 
 every other object; the bits of ribbon that lay scattered 
 on the bureau, a broken toilet bottle, a waterbag, a bit 
 of hair puffing, a dejected-looking silk hairnet hanging 
 carelessly on the arm of the gas jet. 
 
 Then she saw the huddled mass in the bed. 
 
 She began slowly. " Hagar, the woman downstairs 
 told me to come right up what " 
 
 But now she perceived something more. A frantic cry 
 arose from her heart, and formed into terror as the words 
 came from her lips. 
 
 " Hagar, oh, Hagar, what on earth has happened to 
 you ! " 
 
 Hagar, thinned, gaunt looking, turned a white, tear- 
 stricken face towards her sister. A great fear had her 
 in its grasp. 
 
 She tried to answer, but there was in her throat a 
 spasmodic gripping that held the cords inarticulate. It 
 was only with a blank, incomprehensible stare that she 
 could return Thatah's words. 
 
 At last, after hovering between fear and shame, she 
 managed to say : " Forgive me, Thatah I had no one 
 else to send for." 
 
 Then she gave a wild cry as she burst on : " Oh, 
 Thatah, how glad I am you've come. I don't know what 
 would have happened to me if you hadn't." 
 
 " I wish I had known," said Thatah. " I was away in 
 a horrid position in the White Mountains for nearly three 
 months, and just came home last night. Oh, I wish I had 
 known." 
 
 It is difficult to say how Thatah first noticed the child.
 
 Hagar Revelly 269 
 
 For the first time in nearly a week, it had lain absolutely 
 quiet and, in the darkened room, its slight movement of 
 breathing was not discernible. It was while Thatah was 
 taking off her coat and hat, that she gave a sudden stop 
 and ran over to the bed, while she forcibly turned Hagar's 
 face toward her. 
 
 Though intense feeling and surprise was pent up within 
 Thatah, the words came softly, even sweetly to Hagar 
 who had expected a torrent of abuse from her. 
 
 " Hagar, you are a mother ! " Thatah ex- 
 claimed. 
 
 But she did not speak harshly and the kindness of those 
 words was the first tonic that had come to Hagar in all 
 the heart-aching days. 
 
 For just a moment Hagar hesitated, then she took hold 
 of Thatah's hands and drew them down to her face in a 
 begging plea of forgiveness. 
 
 " Oh, Thatah, you're so good, so good, not to scold 
 me," she cried. " Tell me, you'll stay by me. Tell me 
 that first before you say another word." Then as 
 Thatah, who was too rapt in surprise, in consternation 
 at her sister's plight, failed to answer, Hagar went on, 
 half raising herself in bed, and saying in a voice that 
 burrowed to the very depths of Thatah : 
 
 " Oh, sister, you've got to stay by me. You don't 
 know what I've gone through the last few weeks. You 
 mustn't forsake me. You're the only one I can turn to. 
 You will, dearie, you will, won't you ? " 
 
 And then her tears flooded more, though now from 
 gratitude, for on Thatah's face was a smile, tender and 
 forgiving. 
 
 " Of course, sister, I'll stand by you, ?> answered 
 Thatah, who looked steadily into Hagar's eyes. Going 
 on gently, she said : " After all, there's nothing to for- 
 give if if you loved him."
 
 270 Hagar Revelly 
 
 " Oh, for you to say that, Thatah," cried Hagar. 
 
 Thatah turned away to conceal her emotions. 
 
 " And you won't ever tell on me? " 
 
 " I'll never tell any one, Hagar." 
 
 " Oh, I don't believe it's true," whispered Hagar. 
 
 " I've been nearly crazy thinking about what you would 
 do when you came." 
 
 In disconnected sentences, full of anguish, Hagar now 
 told of all her trials, relating how Nealy had dragged her 
 through the aisle of the store, when she refused to leave; 
 the faithlessness of Herrick, the goodness of Miss Gil- 
 lespie. They talked and confided, and Thatah, after a 
 time, even related a little of how monotonous had been 
 her own existence. 
 
 " But I haven't seen it " exclaimed Thatah, in the 
 midst of their confidences. " Please " and she bent 
 fondly over the little pink face projecting, like a hidden 
 berry, from out the folds of blankets and quilts. Hagar 
 uncovered the little long head. 
 
 " I couldn't look at him for three days," Hagar con- 
 fessed, as she watched Thatah. 
 
 "How awful, Hagar," cried Thatah. "Why he's a 
 dear." 
 
 " And you don't blame me, Thatah, you don't blame me 
 at all? " begged Hagar after Thatah had put the child 
 back among the blankets. 
 
 " Hagar, if you loved him and you thought he loved 
 you, how how can I blame you? There is nothing more 
 glorious that I can imagine. And though you were young 
 and foolish, you lived up to your understanding of 
 affection, and why I envy you. I wouldn't want to be 
 blamed." 
 
 " But Thatah, you don't think I did wrong? " 
 
 " Oh, let's not discuss it now. I've got views, I guess 
 they're strange ones."
 
 Hagar Revelly 271 
 
 " They are strange, sister some people would say 
 you are a bad woman to think like that." 
 
 Thatah smiled. " You don't think I'm a bad woman ? " 
 
 Hagar seemed hurt by her remark. 
 
 " Thatah, how can you ask that when you have been 
 so good to me ! Of course not." 
 
 " We've been separated a year or more, Hagar," con- 
 tinued Thatah. " In that time I've thought over and over 
 again that just this thing the thing that's befallen 
 you, was the most glorious thing that could happen to 
 anyone." She looked away from Hagar for a moment, 
 saying in a voice full of yearning " Just to be purely a 
 material thing, without laws, anything just to be a 
 human being in the way God made you, because you 
 wanted to be that way " Her eyes dimmed a little. 
 
 " Thatah," said Hagar, grasping her sister's arm, 
 " you're being so strange." 
 
 Thatah smiled and went on. " You see, sister, I'm 
 not bitter and hard. It's because I've thought so much 
 about this thing. Yes, I've thought this, repeated it over 
 and over to myself, wished it in the face of marriage even, 
 when I thought that marriage put a damper on one's truer 
 self. . . . Oh, I've thought this when I was sitting in 
 the room watching father read and smoke, I've thought 
 of this when I looked down into the backyard next door, 
 with the feeling that I would like to throw a looking glass 
 or a water pitcher down there on the cement pavement, 
 just to wake up somebody, just to startle myself even. 
 
 " No, you oughtn't to feel so bad about it, Hagar. You 
 ought to be even a little proud, and hold your head up 
 bravely in front of the world." 
 
 " Oh, how beautiful, for you to talk that way," Hagar 
 cried, finding for the first time some vindication in her 
 misfortune. 
 
 " Well, it's got deep meaning, I guess," said Thatah.
 
 " I think a good deal just like this. You would too, if 
 you lived alone." 
 
 Then she took Hagar' s extended hand, saying : " Why, 
 I've known a man over a year, and though he is much 
 older than I am, and it probably would not hurt anything, 
 yet I have never let him kiss me even, though he has often 
 wanted to do it out of pure fatherliness. And when he 
 was close to me, I would have given anything on earth, if 
 I had cared enough for him, to have wanted him to do it. 
 After all, there is not much difference." 
 
 " I know," exclaimed Hagar. " I've felt that way, 
 too." 
 
 " So, the only thing that is worth while is to be truth- 
 ful to yourself. That's what it comes to," Thatah went 
 on. 
 
 " Oh, Thatah, you're a wonderful woman I never 
 knew," interrupted Hagar, with reverence in her voice. 
 
 They talked for a long while. Thatah experienced 
 great pleasure in fondling the infant, and as Hagar saw 
 the eyes of her older sister become bright as she handled 
 the baby, a feeling stole over her that she, too, ought to 
 feel this way. 
 
 After a time, Thatah rose to go, with a promise to 
 return at night. But Hagar grasped her hand, begging 
 her to stay longer. 
 
 " Oh, please, sister, don't leave me ; it's so good to have 
 you. Please don't go." Then she repeated again, " I 
 can't understand why you are so kind to me. I thought 
 you hated me." 
 
 Thatah stood looking down at the pale little face in the 
 bed. " Why should I? " she asked. 
 
 " Because because I've done so wrong, I guess." 
 
 In a flame of gratitude, Hagar kissed the long narrow 
 hand that stroked her forehead, while Thatah only smiled, 
 and felt that for the first time she, too, was beginning to
 
 Hagar Revelly 273 
 
 understand this strange thing she had been trying to 
 express. 
 
 Hagar held her hand tightly, as if possessed of a fear 
 that Thatah would forsake her, and to keep her from 
 leaving, she spoke about the first thing she could think of 
 how insensible she had been to Herrick's advances and 
 slyness. 
 
 "Slyness," Thatah interrupted. "Didn't he love 
 you?" 
 
 Hagar looked at her with downcast eyes, saying, " I'm 
 afraid I loved him more than he loved me." 
 
 A little hysterically she put her arms around Thatah's 
 neck, and as Thatah bent over her, cried bitterly, " Oh, 
 I'm such a fool, sister such a fool ! " 
 
 Hagar related to her now, the story of the whole affair, 
 and this time she gave Greenfield his share of the blame. 
 
 " I blame him for putting that strange understanding 
 in me," Hagar went on. " Miss Gillespie was right. It 
 was he who made me realize for the first time how good it 
 was to be loved, and have somebody hold you close. And 
 though I never wanted Mm, yet I couldn't help seeing how 
 good it would be if I really loved somebody the way he 
 said. Then Frank came just at the right moment, I 
 guess." 
 
 Hagar continued the story, telling how it didn't seem 
 to be the same thing when Herrick was with her, because 
 he never worried her by proposing anything that had to 
 do with their intimacy. 
 
 " I guess Greenfield was squarer with me than he was. 
 He told me right out and out," she added. 
 
 Before Thatah left, the room was put in order, the 
 window opened wider; Hagar had given her the address 
 of the doctor, and Mrs. Kempfest was called in and made 
 to understand that she should not worry about the rent. 
 
 Though it had been a strange interview, this conversa-
 
 274 Hagar Revelly 
 
 tion with Hagar was the first break Thatah had experi- 
 enced in many months of undiversified monotony. 
 
 Something human, real, had come in her path, and the 
 words of daring opinion that came to her lips, or the feel- 
 ing of exultation, that filled her as she walked to the office, 
 were part of some inner feeling of defiance and revolution 
 that she could not name nor even understand. 
 
 Why had she talked so kindly to Hagar? Why, in 
 walking up those squalid steps to Hagar's room, had a 
 feeling of kindness for Hagar permeated her being. Had 
 she not expected to find the girl in trouble? Surely she 
 had known that Hagar was in dire circumstances, else 
 would she have been called? 
 
 As Thatah reasoned with herself, she saw that it was 
 because she understood the child's utter blamelessness, 
 even helplessness, that she had been so benevolent. She 
 knew the inheritance that had been handed her. It was 
 her mother, not Hagar, she decided, who was to be 
 blamed. 
 
 Thatah was overwhelmed by the fact that this zest for 
 truth in life should so fill her that she should see no wrong 
 in Hagar's predicament. The days for her had been 
 so colorless, so lacking in anything that would disturb the 
 galling monotony. 
 
 That day Thatah found it very difficult to keep to her 
 work. Hagar's troubles seemed to act like a stimulant. 
 For a time she was really at a loss to know whether it was 
 Hagar, or the new-born child, that brought to her this 
 feeling of exhilaration. 
 
 As she sat at the side of Graveur she was enveloped by 
 many recollections. Her employer would talk to her of 
 business details, while her mind dwelt amongst the days 
 and nights of the year that had passed ; he talked to her 
 of singers and contracts, things which had formerly in- 
 terested her intensely, and she only thought of the ghastli-
 
 Hagar Revelly 275 
 
 ness of her life ; recollecting how she had wondered dur- 
 ing those lonely nights, if she was always to be so un- 
 happy. 
 
 She remembered a day that she had pleaded illness to 
 him, so that she might go home and sit by the window and 
 plan some way out of it. And after that, when she began 
 to feel that there was no way out, she remembered how she 
 had likened herself to a prisoner. 
 
 There was rebellion that day in Thatah. Her body, 
 her mind and soul became permeated by it, and she never 
 before felt so ashamed of the emptiness of her existence. 
 " Not a thing in it that counted, not a feeling or an 
 emotion that mattered," she kept thinking to herself. 
 The only thing she was proud of was her allegiance to her 
 father. 
 
 Graveur was puzzled by her mood. He thought she 
 looked prettier somehow, too, for he saw now color in her 
 formerly pale cheeks, and a look of desire in her eyes of 
 which he had never before been conscious. 
 
 " Thatah," he said, after they had shut the lid of his 
 desk, " I have watched you all day and I have dis- 
 covered something." 
 
 "What?" she asked. 
 
 He hesitated. 
 
 " Well, to explain myself, I must go back a little. You 
 know I used to watch you a good deal, and after you'd 
 been here some months, I decided that you were a cold, 
 passionless individual, who neither thought of anything 
 emotional nor cared about it. And now to-day, I have 
 been watching you again and I seem to see that I have 
 been mistaken." 
 
 " What do you mean ? " 
 
 " Oh, that you've got all this human understanding, 
 all the feeling but that, must I say it that you are 
 simply a good woman and fight it out."
 
 276 Hagar Revelly 
 
 " So you think I'm good, Mr. Graveur ? " she asked, 
 wondering at the similarity of their thoughts. 
 
 " Yes, I'm sure of it." 
 
 "And do you think I deserve any credit for 
 it?" 
 
 " Now that's a question," he answered, with a smile. 
 " So many people deserve no credit at all for being good, 
 because they don't know. It takes temptation to make 
 one good because then they have something to resist. 
 A person that's good just because there is nothing else 
 to do surely deserves no credit for it. 
 
 " In which class am I? " she said, rather naively. 
 
 " I'm not exactly sure, yet." 
 
 " Well, I'll enlighten you, Mr. Graveur. I am not 
 good, thank Heavens ! " 
 
 " Another one of your theories." 
 
 " No, not a theory, but a real fact." As she went on 
 there was a wistfulness, a certain shading in her voice, 
 that showed Graveur she was in deep earnest. " I'm not 
 good. I'm only what looks like being good because things 
 don't tempt me enough. Or else it is circumstance, as 
 you say. However, I am not good. I want things, only 
 I don't want them to come cheaply, through resignation. 
 I want what I want when I dream. Oh, you don't know 
 what I dream. 
 
 " I've got a little sister, Mr. Graveur," she said, look- 
 ing up at him, " that I've been thinking about all day. 
 She doesn't know the world is moving around her. She's 
 like a cork in the water, bobbing up and down when the 
 waves are rough, placid and quiet when the water is 
 smooth. But she doesn't know she's living, poor child. 
 And yet she goes through a good deal. And some 
 day she'll go down under the waves. She's at the mercy 
 of everyone, at-the-mercy-of-world like. And when she 
 goes down, people will blame her, and say she is a bad
 
 Hagar Revelly 277 
 
 woman, when in reality it is because she is believing and 
 good. 
 
 " But I repudiate the very word good. Ough, it's like 
 the smell of onions to me," she added. 
 
 Graveur listened to her in a state of mingled interest 
 and perplexity. As she finished, he said: 
 
 " Thatah, you puzzle me. I don't believe I will ever 
 understand you. You jump so on everything I sug- 
 gest." 
 
 She saw that his fingers were clenched tightly together. 
 " You think too deeply, and strangely. It isn't good for 
 you." 
 
 The girl folded her hands restlessly, and leaned a lit- 
 tle forward. " Yes, I know, but I'd rather think in this 
 fashion and even be unhappy, than to be happy igno- 
 rantly, Mr. Graveur." 
 
 When Thatah left the office, she hurried back to Hagar. 
 The late summer's sun was penetrating through a light 
 veil of mist and though it was growing rapidly dusk, Tha- 
 tah walked all the way. It seemed to give her better op- 
 portunity to turn over in her mind the problem that con- 
 fronted her. 
 
 One thought occupied her most. It was the idea that 
 lay back of the words she had poured into Hagar's ears 
 that morning. 
 
 Entering the vestibule of Hagar's place she paused 
 to ring, and then as no one came, silently went up the 
 stairs. 
 
 At the second landing, she met Mrs. Kempfest. 
 
 She asked of the woman, " Is Hagar asleep ? " 
 
 "Hagar! Oh, you mean Mrs. Kennedy? I didn't 
 know her first name " 
 
 "Mrs. Kennedy" 
 
 " Yes, miss, I just left her. She is not sleeping; she'll 
 be glad to see you."
 
 278 Hagar Revelly 
 
 Thatah went up the third flight. As her glance fell 
 upon the half-closed door, shutting off all the unhappiness 
 and ugliness that lay back of it, an uncomfortable feel- 
 ing of awe took hold of her. 
 
 She heard Hagar stir in the bed. 
 
 " May I come in? " she asked softly. 
 
 "Yes, sister." 
 
 " I'm all out of breath," said Thatah, as she entered 
 the room and sat by the side of the bed. She added, a 
 little jocularly, " You should have an elevator, Hagar." 
 
 " On seven dollars a week? " 
 
 Hagar's remark gave Thatah the opportunity to re- 
 mark that she had brought along ten dollars. " I 
 thought that would help," Thatah said carelessly. 
 
 Hagar would not accept it however, until Thatah had 
 promised to let her pay it back. 
 
 Immediately they fell to talking of prospects for the 
 future. 
 
 " You know, I'm going to be up against it, when I get 
 out of bed," confided Hagar. " I'll have to get a j ob, 
 and the way I feel now, I don't believe I will be able to 
 hold down anything that requires hard work. Why, 
 sometimes," she said faintly, " I think that that he'll 
 come back and marry me, and make things all right. 
 Somehow it seems the only way for everything to end 
 happily." 
 
 " Would you marry him, after what he's done ? " asked 
 Thatah. 
 
 " Why, sure. It's his duty to support me and the 
 child." 
 
 " But supposing you hated him as you probably 
 ought to hate him for leaving you you couldn't go and 
 live with him after that, could you ? " 
 
 "I well, I never thought of that. What would you 
 do?"
 
 Hagar Revelly 279 
 
 Thatah smiled. " Oh, I don't know. I suppose I'd 
 mind convention and think more of the child's name than 
 of my feelings. That's the usual thing." 
 
 Hagar swept a furtive glance in Thatah's direction. 
 ;< You know," she said with some spirit, " I feel different 
 sometimes, when I am not so puzzled about the right and 
 wrong of the thing. Then, I feel like I ought to hunt 
 up Frank's mother. She lives near Albany some place, 
 and get his address, and then go where he is, and " 
 
 "And what?" 
 
 " Oh, sometimes I feel as if I ought to kill him for get- 
 ting me in this trouble. And then there'll come a 
 feeling that makes me remember how happy we were to- 
 gether up there on the hill, all alone and I forgive 
 him." 
 
 Thatah walked over to the window. " Poor little sis- 
 ter," she murmured, quite inaudibly. 
 
 " But if I get out of this all right, I'll make somebody 
 pay pretty dearly for it, too." 
 
 Thatah came over and sat down on the bed's edge. 
 "Why, what do you mean, Hagar?" 
 
 " Oh, I mean that I will get even for what I've gone 
 through." 
 
 " You mean you'll take a revenge on the whole sex, 
 then?" 
 
 " Yes, something like that, I guess." 
 
 " Which is exactly what every woman says, Hagar," 
 exclaimed Thatah earnestly. " We love and yearn 
 blindly, without anyone sharing our happiness, and yet if 
 we suffer by them, we want the whole world to share our 
 misery." 
 
 At that moment, Mrs. Kempfest knocked at the door 
 and asked if she should bring in the supper. 
 
 " Oh, will you stay? " Hagar pleaded, taking Thatah's 
 hand.
 
 280 Hagar Revelly 
 
 As her sister hesitated, Hagar gave the order for two 
 suppers. 
 
 " But what will father think? " interjected Thatah. 
 
 " Good Lord, can't you stay away without having to 
 account for every moment? " 
 
 " I haven't yet, sister," smiled Thatah. 
 
 " I'll bet 7 wouldn't pet him so. How is he? " 
 
 " Oh, getting along all right, I suppose." 
 
 "Does he ever ask for me?" 
 
 " He asks very often, Hagar." 
 
 Both were silent for some minutes. 
 
 Then Hagar spoke up. " Oh, well, things had to be 
 the way they were, didn't they ? " 
 
 " I guess so." An enigmatical smile covered Thatah's 
 pale face. 
 
 " He never showed he cared for me," blurted out Ha- 
 gar, after some thought. 
 
 Thatah answered immediately : " Don't talk so, dear, 
 he is very fond of you. Perhaps more so than of me. 
 It would break his heart, if he knew of this, for in- 
 stance. He's always looking at your picture." 
 
 "Does he do that?" 
 
 Thatah nodded. 
 
 " Oh, for Heaven's sake, you won't tell him, will you? 
 You must promise that. You won't ever tell, will you, 
 Thatah?" 
 
 "I won't, Hagar," promised Thatah. 
 
 But before Hagar was pacified, she made Thatah swear 
 with one hand on the little Bible that Mrs. Kempfest 
 had left on the mantelpiece. 
 
 Then Hagar lay back on her pillow, her chin doubled 
 against her chest, her arms back of her head. 
 
 As she sat on the edge of the bed, Thatah smoothed 
 back the hair that hung over the girl's forehead. " I
 
 llagar ftevelly 
 
 used to wonder, what you'd come to some clay, Hagar," 
 she remarked. 
 
 Hagar laughed sadly. " You don't wonder any more, 
 do you, sister? " 
 
 " Well, I don't know. This isn't the end." 
 
 " But you don't think I'm only beginning, do you ? " 
 
 " Oh, I rather think so, Hagar." 
 
 " But, sister, I don't understand you," Hagar inter- 
 rupted, with wrinkled brows. " Surely you see what I'm 
 up against. I've got to support " she hesitated, as 
 if she disliked the word " this child, and raise it, and 
 then some day tell it the truth, and see it run away from 
 me" 
 
 " Because people will be telling him you've no right to 
 him?" 
 
 " Yes. That, and because he'll probably be like his 
 father." 
 
 " Poor child, Hagar." 
 
 " Oh, to tell the truth I'm tired of it before I be- 
 gin, Thatah. Everything seems so foolish, useless I 
 wish oh, I don't know what I wish, sometimes." 
 
 " There is a way out of it, sister, if you just think." 
 
 " Oh, tell me, Thatah." 
 
 " Well, just live for the some day, Hagar. If I didn't 
 have that to think about, I don't know what I'd do, either. 
 Of course we're poor, and we have got to be reconciled to 
 the fact that in the meantime we've just got to live in the 
 niche set aside for our kind." 
 
 Hagar's lips were pressed together with determina- 
 tion. 
 
 " I'll bet I get out of it, if they ever give me a chance," 
 she exclaimed. 
 
 Thatah noticed the bitterness in her sister's words. 
 
 " Well, after all, that is the only way to look at it.
 
 282 Hagar Revelly 
 
 Hope, dream, after all, it's been just that, that has 
 kept me up more than anything I've ever fed myself, Ha- 
 gar. It's true, though " she rose from the side of the 
 bed " one has to wait, wait, wait, and yet we have no 
 more chance of getting what we want than if we ran on 
 to it by accident, the first day of our search. That's 
 the way things are run, though. Oh, things aren't a bit 
 fair, not a bit." 
 
 Thatah's face presented a strange appearance to Ha- 
 gar as she went on talking. The languor seemed to have 
 died from the eyes, the lips were thinly drawn in that 
 moment she imagined she could see all the yearning 
 and aching days her sister had gone through. And 
 she became filled with a feeling of deep pity and af- 
 fection. 
 
 Thatah went on talking in hard, compressed tones. 
 " That's the reason, Hagar, people think me soured and 
 vindictive; that's the reason father thinks I have no feel- 
 ing or understanding for human things ; yes, that's the 
 reason I'm going to take this baby off your hands, Ha- 
 gar." 
 
 " Thatah, whatever are jou saying? " said Hagar in 
 astonishment. 
 
 " Just what I mean, Hagar. I am going to take him 
 home as soon as the doctor thinks I can." 
 
 Hagar was overwhelmed by the enormity of the idea, 
 made perhaps more startling and expressive by its non- 
 chalant entrance. 
 
 " You can't mean that you are going to take him> 
 and raise him for me?" 
 
 " More than that. I am going to take him and teach 
 him, and fall in love with him. Why shouldn't I? I am 
 a woman it's my right. You don't need ever to bother 
 about him. I'll tell them at home that I have taken him 
 from some Foundling Asylum. Why, it's the only way
 
 Hagar Revelly 283 
 
 out of it for you, though I'm not doing it for that reason 
 unless, someone knows already." 
 
 " No one knows, Thatah." Hagar thought of Miss 
 Gillespie and Herrick. " That is that's here." 
 
 " Well, then, it's the only possible way out of it for 
 you. You ought to be happy about it." 
 
 " Happy why you take my breath away, Thatah. 
 Are you doing this for me?" 
 
 " Oh, for both of us," answered Thatah vaguely. 
 
 " I certainly can't understand," Hagar kept on. 
 
 Herself really surprised that she had so easily worded 
 the vague idea that had bothered her all day, Thatah 
 now became quite determined. " Yes, I'll take him 
 be as a mother to him only you must promise one 
 thing." 
 
 "What's that?" 
 
 " That if I take him that you won't ever want him 
 back." 
 
 " Gee, you needn't worry about that," Hagar said posi- 
 tively. 
 
 And so, before Thatah left, arrangements had been 
 quite completed to carry out Thatah's desire. 
 
 That night, as Hagar lay in her bed with the crying 
 baby at her side, there came speculatively before her 
 vision, a half dozen words ; they seemed to be emblazoned 
 in burning embers against a black, cloudy sky ; and the 
 words blazed back and forth and beckoned to her in their 
 dancing, shooting jets of flame: "Free again free 
 again free again." And each little spark had its own 
 vague significance. 
 
 Hagar, with the wonderful rebound of youth, gained 
 strength in the days that followed. It was not long 
 before the young smiling physician, in his old-experienced 
 manner, told her that she could leave the bed.
 
 CHAPTER XXII 
 
 WITH Thatah's money, a nurse was paid to stay with the 
 baby, and two months after Hagar left her sick bed, she 
 was strong enough to take a position in another depart- 
 ment of Macy's. 
 
 Though the extra expense, for the nurse, drained heav- 
 ily on Thatah, she met the outlay with a good deal of 
 satisfaction, feeling that she could only look at it in one 
 way the building of a foundation for her future hap- 
 piness. With this in her mind, it became a pleasure, 
 during the period of waiting until the baby could be 
 placed on bottled nourishment, to stint herself and bor- 
 row advance salary. 
 
 Then one day, after talking with the doctor, Thatah 
 went to Hagar's room with the news that the baby could 
 be taken away. 
 
 After very little ceremony, the nurse woman was dis- 
 missed, and Thatah took the child back to Mrs. Neer's 
 boarding house. It was quite late when she arrived with 
 her little human bundle but there was no surprise ex- 
 pressed by any of the different boarders who saw her 
 come into the house. For weeks she had followed a care- 
 fully laid plan, casually mentioning now and then the 
 fact that she thought of adopting a child. 
 
 It was not long before the relationship between Hagar 
 and Thatah was as quiet and slumbering as it had always 
 been. 
 
 In fact tb only time that they had anything in com- 
 mon again was when Thatah wrote and asked if she might 
 
 name the youngster " Edric." 
 
 284
 
 Hagar Revelly 285 
 
 " It seems to fit him," wrote Thatah. " What do you 
 say?" 
 
 Hagar wrote back : " It's all the same to me." 
 
 So the boy was named " Edric," and the former state 
 of sisterly disinterestedness became as it was before. 
 Hagar felt quite free again, while Thatah understood in 
 a queer sort of way, that in taking the child she had 
 somehow justified her ambitions. 
 
 Hagar was free again. Indeed, great as was her ap- 
 preciation of an escape from a lifetime of devotion to 
 this child which she could not love, her eagerness for a new 
 life was greater, and after a short time encompassed this 
 feeling of gratitude which for a few days after Thatah 
 had taken the child, had been quite keen. 
 
 It was not a saddened woman that stepped out from 
 her fetters, but a young eager girl again. There was 
 only added to her former state of youthful anticipation, 
 the appreciation of life that enters into the mind 
 of the matured woman. She was clever now, but not 
 any longer in the former childlike way. Now she knew 
 how to read people's faces, search their minds, play upon 
 their points at least resistance. 
 
 Before her new position was three months old, the man- 
 ager raised her salary to nine dollars a week because of 
 the increased sales in her department, and it gave Hagar 
 some satisfaction when she put four dollars of this money 
 in an envelope and sent it to Thatah. 
 
 However, the recipient of the envelope was having a 
 harder time than Hagar imagined. 
 
 A few days after the infant was brought into the 
 domicile of Mrs. Neer, there seemed to enter along with 
 it a peculiar condition of apathy on the part of the en- 
 tire household. It affected Mrs. Costello, Mr. Samuels, 
 and even Mrs. Neer felt as if an alien or intruder had 
 been allowed to enter the house.
 
 286 Hagar Revelly 
 
 At the table one night, Mrs. Neer spoke up. " I can't 
 see why Miss Revelly should undertake to raise some 
 foundling, just because of a whim. I should think her 
 father would have more control over her." 
 
 " Where did she get it ? " intruded a little woman at 
 the end of the table. 
 
 " At some Foundling Asylum," Mrs. Costello answered 
 coldly. 
 
 The little woman answered back : " It seems to me 
 they have had a hard enough time living as it is." 
 
 " Some people are fools," added Mrs. Costello. 
 
 When Thatah and her father came downstairs there 
 was a hush, as if to bury the subject for future use, 
 though there was the usual effusive hypocrisies " Good 
 evening, professor " " Good evening, Miss Revelly " 
 " Good evening, Mrs. Neer " " Won't you pass the meat 
 platter for the professor, Mr. Samuels?" "Ah we 
 were just saying, Miss Thatah" while to herself Tha- 
 tah counted the moments till she could rush upstairs and 
 confide in the little pink-skinned youngster. 
 
 They had small steaks for supper that evening and 
 Mrs. Costello was asking Thatah to pass the dish for a 
 second helping, when she remarked, in a well-meant effort 
 to cover up her request: 
 
 " Well, Miss Revelly, it will be nice to watch the young- 
 ster grow older, won't it ? " 
 
 " You think so ? " replied Thatah, amused by the 
 woman's effort to get her into a discussion concerning 
 Edric. 
 
 "Don't you?" 
 
 "Well, I don't know," said Thatah. "I can't help 
 thinking it might make me feel awfully old, and make 
 me realize that I ought to have gotten married myself." 
 
 Mrs. Costello ignored her latter remark, and went on 
 to say that she thought one could get a great deal of
 
 Hagar Revelly 287 
 
 pleasure seeing a baby grow up and go through all the 
 processes of age. 
 
 " Well," Thatah replied, " I had a conversation with 
 Mme. Reppy yesterday you know her, she sings in 
 Wagnerian Opera and I asked her if she didn't get a 
 lot of pleasure from her two children. Her reply startled 
 me." 
 
 "What did she say?" asked the Spanish woman. 
 
 " That she couldn't help acknowledging that she dis- 
 liked seeing her children grow up. * I see my children 
 living the life I should like to live myself,' she said; 
 * and I can't confess anything else. I love them, but 
 when I see my oldest so happy and gay, when she calls 
 me mother well it hurts me, because I'd like to be 
 doing that myself.' ' 
 
 " She's a bad woman to talk like that," added some 
 one near the professor. 
 
 " I don't think so," said Thatah. " I believe I'd feel 
 the same way." 
 
 " Then why did you adopt a child ? " 
 
 " Oh I suppose to see if my surmises were right. 
 Then I think every woman should have a child before 
 she is thirty, anyway. I didn't want to be left out." 
 
 That she shouldn't have made such a careless, at ran- 
 dom statement, Thatah realized, when her words met with 
 an incomprehensible silence. But she minded very little; 
 the same sinister glances, the same unsaid words had 
 been exchanged at that board for months; she had al- 
 ways longed for some phrase, some sentence, that would 
 shock them. Many times she had run upstairs gleefully, 
 when her words had brought about the desired effect. 
 
 " You must not say such things, Thatah," her father 
 would exclaim. " We live here, and these people are 
 fools." 
 
 " Oh, I can't help it, father," she would answer.
 
 288 Hagar Hevelly 
 
 The seed of suspicion was being planted deeply now. 
 Before, Thatah had always been so quiet, never going 
 out, living the life of a recluse. And now that she smiled 
 and was happy, they decided that a hidden reason was 
 the cause for this change in her. Formerly when she was 
 very quiet, they had cast about for explanation, only to 
 be piqued by their continuous fruitless search. Now it 
 was with satisfaction that they began to probe something 
 that gave them a return. 
 
 In the minds of those in the house that interested them- 
 selves about it, there was a complete chain of incidents 
 to work upon. Surely the baby was the secret of it all 
 and night after night they went about the house asking 
 of themselves why it was that a girl her age should indulge 
 in so maternal a pastime, and what they should do about 
 it. 
 
 One evening a few weeks later, Mrs. Costello stopped 
 Thatah in the hallway and asked her directly, the name of 
 the Foundling Institution from which Thatah had pro- 
 cured the infant. 
 
 The girl was taken completely by surprise. 
 
 " Why the St. Vincent's Asylum," she managed to 
 say at last. 
 
 " I was just wondering," explained Mrs. Costello ; " a 
 friend of mine was thinking of doing the same thing." 
 
 There was a whispered council held in the drawing-room 
 that night between Mrs. Neer and the poetess. 
 
 " I tell you she got as pale as a sheet ! " 
 
 "What did you ask her?" whispered Mrs. Neer. 
 
 The woman told her. 
 
 " Did she answer you right off? " 
 
 " Right off ? Why, she fumbled around for a full min- 
 ute. You bet she never got that child at a Foundling 
 Asylum ! " 
 
 "Then what do you think?"
 
 Hagar Renelly 289 
 
 " I don't know. She was gone for nearly three months 
 on her position, as she said. Still, would that make it? " 
 
 " You don't believe ? " 
 
 " It's hard to tell ; there's something wrong." 
 
 " Well, I'm going to find out at St. Vincent's. It's the 
 only way." 
 
 " Yes, you do that," emphasized Mrs. Neer. " I won't 
 have the respectability of this place spoiled." 
 
 " It is for that reason I told you." 
 
 For a few days the embers lay smothering, though with 
 every mood of Thatah, every word that escaped her lips, 
 there was added a few more coals to the heap. Sig- 
 nificance was given now to her fondness for the child. 
 
 " How could she become so excited over it, if it wasn't 
 her own," was asked of Mrs. Neer. 
 
 And then Mrs. Costello could find no record of the 
 child at the Asylum. 
 
 It ended by Mrs. Neer voicing her suspicions and that 
 of the boarders, to the professor. 
 
 " I feel compelled to talk to you, Professor Revelly," 
 she said to him one evening, " about a matter, a very 
 serious matter that has been given a great deal of serious 
 attention before I come to you. As you know I have 
 some people with me, who, although they may not be 
 blessed by any great amount of worldly goods, yet who 
 are nevertheless, highly respectable, and whose respecta- 
 bility, it is my duty to protect. As you know, Mrs. Cos- 
 tello was born of a fairly near connection with the Royal 
 Family of Spain " 
 
 He interrupted her. " Tell me what it is you wish to 
 say to me," he said impatiently. 
 
 " Well, professor, it is very difficult, since it is about 
 your daughter ' 
 
 " My daughter ! " 
 
 " Yes, the knowledge of what I am going to say has
 
 290 Hagar Revelly 
 
 been quite as hard for us to bear, as it is for me to tell 
 you. But I feel that I must do it to protect my house- 
 hold. Of course if I were living alone it would be a dif- 
 ferent thing. I'd just say to them, ' mind your own 
 business.' ' 
 
 " What do you want to know about my daughter ? " 
 he now demanded, with all the nervous, explosive energy 
 that had accumulated during her speech. 
 
 " Well we think that she that she is not the same 
 woman she was when she left you." 
 
 He was puzzled. 
 
 " When she left me," he repeated ; " she was no more 
 than a baby." He was indeed thinking of Hagar. That 
 it was Thatah of whom she was speaking never entered 
 his mind. Anything unusual about her was too remote to 
 consider. 
 
 " How did you know of Hagar? " he asked bewildered. 
 " Tell me quick, tell me how you know about her, and 
 what she has done? " 
 
 It was Mrs. Neer's turn now for confusion. 
 
 " Why, professor, I was speaking of Thatah, your 
 daughter. I didn't know you had another child." 
 
 " You are talking of Thatah ? " he exclaimed. 
 
 " Yes, when she was away for three months." 
 
 He looked at her, utterly unable to comprehend her 
 words. 
 
 " And now she brings into the house a baby." 
 
 "Well?" 
 
 " Well, you know how people talk. Right at the first 
 they asked me about it, and I told them that Thatah had 
 the right to adopt a child if she wanted to. Then of 
 course, the baby was a good deal older, which I told them ; 
 but they tried to convince me that perhaps we hadn't 
 watched " 
 
 " Go ahead," he demanded fiercely.
 
 Hagar Revelly 291 
 
 " Well, then, they pointed out that you were too poor 
 to indulge in anything like that. They said there was 
 something queer about it. Of course, I didn't believe 
 them, never have, really. But you see my position." 
 
 He looked at her, smiling faintly. 
 
 " My dear Mrs. Neer," he asked, " what is it you want 
 me to do? " 
 
 " We want oh, it's so hard to say it, professor 
 but we want to know who rather if Miss Thatah 
 is married? " 
 
 " Ach," he exclaimed, " you speak in metaphors. I 
 don't follow you. You want to know if Thatah is mar- 
 ried? " He laughed sadly. "No, poor dear, she is not 
 married, but what do you want to know for? You think 
 the child is hers? And you wonder why the father never 
 comes. Yes ? Am I right ? " 
 
 " You are very right," she answered, straightening her 
 shoulders for the ordeal she supposed would follow. 
 
 For a long time he was lost in deep thought. 
 
 Then he began slowly : " My daughter has adopted the 
 kittle fellow. It has pleased her to do so, and as she is 
 of an age where she can use her own mind and spend her 
 own money, I make no objection to it. She pays for the 
 nurse girl, I do not. Is there anything else ? " he asked, 
 arising from his chair. 
 
 But Mrs. Neer remained seated. 
 
 "Do you know where she adopted the child?" Her 
 lips set into hard lines. 
 
 " Why, Thatah said I believe I've forgotten." He 
 searched his mind for recollection of the time Thatah in- 
 formed him that she had learned of a child in one of the 
 Asylums and intended adopting it. 
 
 His hesitation encouraged Mrs. Neer. 
 
 " You don't know, do you ? " She gave a little mock- 
 ing laugh. " Of course not. I guess she's fooled you
 
 292 Hagar Revelly 
 
 too, professor. Well, I can tell you the name of the 
 place she gave Mrs. Costello." 
 
 "And what of that?" 
 
 " Only that they don't know anything about it, at the 
 place she told us St. Vincent's." 
 
 Now the name came back to him. 
 
 " Yes," he said, " that was the name she told me the 
 other day." He looked at her fully in the face. With 
 some satisfaction she perceived that he was becoming 
 aroused. " You asked her, and she told you St. Vin- 
 cent's," he went on, " and they don't know anything 
 about it there? " 
 
 " Yes. And to make it sure, we or rather, the party 
 who went, got the names of the only other two institu- 
 tions where there was any resemblance of the names. 
 And she got the same information at these places, too* 
 
 " Why, no one ever adopted a child from any of these 
 places during the week she brought Edric here. So you 
 see, professor, the situation that confronts me. It pains 
 me so much, but " she hesitated. 
 
 "But what?" 
 
 " but I must ask you you to leave unless Miss 
 Thatah can offer some explanation that is satisfactory to 
 us. I am sure you understand. It protects you and 
 her as well as it does us." 
 
 That night Revelly confronted Thatah with a recount 
 of the interview. And as the girl sat forlornly in front 
 of him, he mistook her anguish for wrath, and begged her 
 to go to them and tell them their mistake. " You've 
 got to, Thatah," he begged. 
 
 Then he asked her why they couldn't find any record 
 at St. Vincent's. 
 
 From anger and vindictiveness, her mind now answered 
 more quickly than her lips. 
 
 " I didn't get Edric at St. Vincent's," she said hotly.
 
 Hagar Revelly 293 
 
 " Then why did you say that ? " he begged in surprise. 
 
 " I told them that because they were so inquisitive and 
 suspicious. I would have told them the police station if 
 I had thought of it, I hate them so." 
 
 "Thatah!" 
 
 "Yes!" 
 
 " Then you didn't get Edric at St. Vincent's? " 
 
 " No, I didn't." 
 
 " Then where did you get him ? " 
 
 " I won't tell." 
 
 She answered quietly, and added after a moment's 
 thought, " nor will I ever." 
 
 " You must tell me," he demanded. " I can tell them." 
 
 Thatah looked at her father with fast dimming eyes. 
 
 " Father, please don't ask me," she begged. 
 
 " You refuse to tell me," he cried, greatly bewildered. 
 
 " I I I can't tell anyone," she replied in a voice 
 that wavered. 
 
 Revelly grasped her hands. " My God ! Do you 
 know what they are saying? They say that you are the 
 mother and that we must leave the premises." 
 
 Thatah was overwhelmed by his statement. 
 
 " They say that ! " she cried in anger. " They say 
 that I'm the mother? Good Heavens!" 
 
 " Yes, Thatah, they say that. And you must tell them, 
 therefore, where you got it. This thing must be proven." 
 
 In that moment all the possibility of her position came 
 vividly before Thatah. She saw that she must think 
 quickly, even calmly and then a queer feeling came into 
 her head. 
 
 " Father, come, I feel sick. I'll tell you in a moment," 
 she said, sinking into a chair. 
 
 As she sat there, staring at her father, she searched 
 her mind frantically. Could she tell him the truth? 
 Surely not. Even though she break her promise to Ha-
 
 294 Hagar Revelly 
 
 gar, the news might cause his collapse in his worn con- 
 dition. Though he never mentioned Hagar to her, yet she 
 knew the place Hagar had in his regard. Had she not 
 noticed that he mentioned Hagar's name with a little hush 
 and reverence in his voice. For him Hagar was the last 
 cherished memory of the past, and he clung tenaciously 
 to that last remnant. 
 
 Thatah recalled how he had taken a picture of the 
 girl from his trunk and put it on his bureau. She re- 
 membered how he would often look at it. And now to 
 herself she moaned, " Oh, I can't tell the truth I can't. 
 She is the youngest. It would kill him." 
 
 Her father was studying her closely. 
 
 " You've thought long enough," he said hotly. " Now 
 tell me." He grasped her arm a bit roughly, as if to 
 awaken her to action. 
 
 " I can't, father," she confessed at last. A great lump 
 rose in her throat. " I can't tell them or you." 
 
 Revelly walked away from her, his hands clasping and 
 unclasping at his back. At last he stopped and with his 
 back still to her, said to the bare walls, " You hear, it's 
 true, it's true oh, my God ! " 
 
 His senses seemed to give way entirely. Everything 
 pointed to the justification of their accusation. He saw 
 that he had been taken in, by his own daughter. His 
 mind was flooded by proofs. Thatah was now making 
 less than twenty dollars a week, yet she was willing to 
 pay four dollars out of that sum for a nurse who stayed 
 with the child. Why had he not thought to question her 
 about that! 
 
 Perceiving the anguish that lay plainly evidenced in 
 his countenance, Thatah went to him and put her arms 
 around his neck, and said: 
 
 " Father, for pity's sake, listen to me ! Don't make 
 this thing so serious. I can't tell you. I wish I could.
 
 Hagar Revelly 295 
 
 I promised I promised the woman I would not tell. I 
 dare not break that. Oh, please please believe me ! " 
 
 And in turn Revelly pleaded with her not to sacrifice 
 the other woman for their future happiness. " Think 
 what it means if you don't explain. They will say that 
 their convictions are right. We will have to leave." 
 
 " I can't father I can't," she begged. 
 
 " Then you care more for this other woman than 
 you do for me than you do for yourself?" 
 
 " Oh, I don't know. Don't ask me." 
 
 For some time he pleaded with her, and then as he re- 
 alized she would not give in, he turned from her, and 
 left her alone for some minutes. When he did speak, his 
 words choked with anger. 
 
 " I can't believe that you are so foolish," he said. 
 " However " and now his lips were drawn tight " you 
 know your own plans best. You will either have to share 
 the secret with me along with everything else that 
 or else go your own way." 
 
 She ran to his side. " Oh, father, don't say that ! 
 You don't know what I'd go through for you or have 
 gone through. Please don't say that ! " 
 
 She could see the terrible, strange gaze creeping back 
 into his eyes. 
 
 " I don't want you to leave," he said sternly, though 
 a bit broken ; " but I won't harbor such a misdeed. I can 
 only believe now that you are keeping something from me, 
 Thatah. You've told me so little about your work this 
 summer." He was silent for a time. " And you've been 
 so queer, so unusual, since taking the child. Won't you 
 tell me?" 
 
 " I tell you they are wrong. I can't tell you any more, 
 father," she cried. 
 
 " Well, we will have to leave here, and wherever we went 
 it would be the same. One boarding house is like another.
 
 296 Hagar Revelly 
 
 And my pupils if they heard, or their parents heard, 
 do you suppose they would be allowed to come to these 
 rooms ? " 
 
 Thatah rose from the chair. 
 
 " Enough, father, I'll go so you can stay," she said. 
 " I'll get things fixed up and leave in a few days, with 
 Edric." Her eyes were dry and her voice dull. 
 
 At the end of the week, under a fusillade of glances 
 from behind closed shutters, Thatah moved her few be- 
 longings out of the house, and with Edric who was now 
 creeping merrily in a vain effort to gain his unsteady 
 feet, she rented a room in a lodging house on Fifty- 
 seventh Street. . . . 
 
 It was when the express wagon was out of sight that 
 Mrs. Costello rushed to Professor Revelly's room with the 
 desire to unload some words of sympathy. 
 
 But her knock was answered by a mumbled oath from 
 within ; she could hear his restless pacing across the floor 
 of the room. 
 
 So she stole downstairs, guiltily fearing that some one 
 would see her and think that she had weakened or had 
 sought forgiveness from the father. 
 
 It was only three days, however, before Thatah was 
 called back from her new boarding place. Her father 
 had become seriously ill. 
 
 And at the end of a week of suffering, the sick man 
 became too weak to leave his bed. Thatah stayed con- 
 stantly by his side, watching, and praying that her fears 
 were groundless. But the doctor came each day and 
 pointed out to her further signs of dissolution, and the 
 sobbing and shaking girl was soon barely able to keep up 
 under her load. 
 
 It seemed to her, as she watched the shrunken figure 
 in the bed, that she were in some trance, and all that was 
 happening, only a dream ; but it seemed a trance which
 
 Hagar Revelly 297 
 
 left her in full possession of her senses and made her 
 realize the painful circumstances even more keenly. 
 
 An unusual part of his illness was that between the 
 deliriums, his mind would be very clear. And then his 
 words, full of sadness and disappointment, would further 
 rend the feelings of the girl at his bedside, although he 
 never mentioned the incident that had driven her from 
 him. 
 
 " Do you remember, Thatah, when I used to carry you 
 on my shoulder ? " he would ask. 
 
 Thatah could not speak, her heart too full of unhap- 
 piness. She could only take his vein-ridden hand and 
 press it, feeling that she dare not answer him, for fear of 
 weakening and betraying her emotions. 
 
 Often he spoke of his favorite Heine, seeming to liken 
 his own life to that of the dead poet. One afternoon, 
 when the light from the setting sun came into the room 
 and gave it a queer appearance of mingled shadows and 
 high lights, he quoted to her the last lines of the " Enfant 
 Perdu." 
 
 " But I have fallen unvanquished sword unbroken, 
 The only thing that's broken is my heart." 
 
 Then he looked up, exclaiming : " Oh, Thatah, how 
 true that is." 
 
 She could scarcely breathe, a great sense of constric- 
 tion coming into her throat, while the tears ran down her 
 cheeks. 
 
 He perceived her unhappiness, and said, " No, no, Tha- 
 tah. You have youth yet, child. You must not be un- 
 happy." 
 
 Thatah made an effort at smiling and wiped away her 
 tears, at the same time, saying in a low voice : " Oh, I 
 am not unhappy, father. But you must get well, you 
 must, you must ! "
 
 298 Hagar Revelly 
 
 He answered, half to himself : " Oh, what does it all 
 amount to? Everything ends in nothing, everything is 
 empty, futile, at the end." 
 
 At another time, a few evenings later, she came into the 
 room to find him staring at the ceiling, and muttering 
 aloud. She ran up to him crying : " Please, father, 
 please " 
 
 But he went on speaking, seemingly unaware that she 
 was listening to him, although he directed his words en- 
 tirely to her. For the first time, he seemed dazed. There 
 were tears in his eyes. 
 
 " Yes, I know life," he said, shaking his head, as shej 
 tried to stop him. " Yes, I know how we fool ourselves 
 over it, how we expect and build and believe, knowing full 
 well that we have nothing to do with our destiny." 
 
 Though he spoke slowly, laboriously, and each effort 
 appeared to take all his strength, he kept on, and nothing 
 that Thatah could do would divert his attention. 
 
 The sunlight had slowly disappeared from the room, 
 leaving his gaunt face in a veil-like shadow. Thatah 
 could not look at him and sat with her face to the wall, 
 while she clasped his hand. 
 
 " We are constructed to live out a certain period of 
 years, if all goes well, Thatah," he kept on feebly. " Yes, 
 it's unalterable. Even then it would not be so bad, if a 
 mind had not been given us ; but we have placed within 
 us a propensity for feeling and experiencing emotions. 
 Yes, that is the great wrong." 
 
 " Please, please, quiet yourself. You need this 
 strength," Thatah begged. 
 
 His voice was weak and the hands that lay in Thatah's, 
 trembled with every breath. However, he seemed deter- 
 mined to word his thoughts. 
 
 " The normal state should be happiness," he whispered. 
 " We should all be free beings to breathe and enjoy -
 
 Hagar Revelly 299 
 
 and sing the song of life. Yes, that's the way it ought 
 to be. But the abnormal state is happiness and we 
 can only measure it by the contrast born of our 
 misery." 
 
 " Please, father, don't tremble so." 
 
 He was speaking from his very depths, his hands shak- 
 ing, his lips quivering, his eyes closed. 
 
 " You have been so unhappy, all your life, father," 
 pleaded Thatah. " Please, don't let me see you this way 
 now." 
 
 He searched for her hand along the border of the white* 
 sheet and when at last he had found it, a sigh escaped 
 from his lips. 
 
 " Yes, I am going to die," he breathed, nearly inaudibly. 
 The words brought to Thatah's aching heart a fresh 
 tumult of agony. 
 
 Although he was suffering intense physical pain, his 
 agony of mind was manifestly greater. And she labored 
 gallantly to soothe him into a state of greater calm. 
 
 It was only after night had brought its darker shadows 
 into the room that she was able to quiet him, and could 
 go into the small room that was temporarily her own 
 again, for a few hours of sleep. 
 
 The professor rested better the next few days and Tha- 
 tah became more encouraged. It seemed that her coming 
 had given him added strength. 
 
 Then the disease began to attack afresh his non-re- 
 sistant organisms ; the anasarca became more noticeably 
 apparent, the oedema infiltrated into the lower lids, until 
 they looked like little sacks; his entire shrunken frame 
 spoke of fast ebbing vitality. 
 
 On the twelfth day after he had taken to his bed, Eman 
 Revelly died.
 
 CHAPTER XXIII 
 
 HAGAR'S feeling of ecstasy in her first month of the new- 
 position soon passed into the second month, when her in- 
 terest waned the third bored her altogether, even 
 though she had success in her sales. 
 
 The very things which had at first been so pleasant, 
 now bothered her. After the weeks of turmoil and heart 
 stress she had endured, the petty gossip of the girls be- 
 hind the counter had come like some sweet music to her. 
 They were welcoming chimes that spoke of quiet and 
 peace. 
 
 But her previous soul weariness and fathoming into 
 the depths had played their part. She quickly became 
 dull and stupid, and soon found herself fairly ashamed to 
 look into the eyes of a customer. 
 
 A rebellion arose in her now. Why should she be wait- 
 ing on people, talking respectfully and courteously to 
 them? Who were they that she should act like their serv- 
 ant? 
 
 One day she was openly insulted. A dark woman, at- 
 tired in a rich crimson broad-cloth, swept into the aisle, 
 and stopped at her counter. 
 
 " Tell me, Mary," said the woman, looking at Hagar ; 
 " where are the laces ? " 
 
 " That way," answered Hagar, pointing to a distant 
 counter, and then adding a little angrily ; " however, my 
 name isn't Mary ! " 
 
 The woman looked at her, " Such impertinence," she 
 
 gasped. 
 
 300
 
 Hagar Revelly 301 
 
 Then Hagar saw her edge off in a flustering indigna- 
 tion to hunt up the floor walker. 
 
 It aroused Hagar tremendously, and she had to fight 
 hard to keep from leaving her position back of the counter 
 and confronting the woman. 
 
 The metamorphosis in Hagar took place gradually, 
 during the weeks that followed. When a well-dressed 
 woman approached her, immediately she became absorbed 
 in a contemplation of the gown that adorned her patron, 
 even to the neglect of the customer's wishes ; if the little 
 woman who worked at her side spoke to her, she answered 
 with coldness and disdain. 
 
 At the beginning of the third month, the manager had 
 spoken to her three times, regarding her lack of polite- 
 ness. 
 
 She became abnormally quiet, as the weeks went on, as 
 though she were always thinking deeply. When people 
 talked to her, a queer little smile pirouetted about her full 
 lips ; if she laughed sometimes it was a laugh that was 
 vague and unfathomable, with a ring of derision in it. It 
 was as if she had battled with giants and was now looking 
 upon their prostrated forms and pitying their weakness. 
 
 If ever she talked to those around, there was something 
 savage in her words. Had she been less pretty, they 
 would have called it plain anger. As it was, they found 
 mystery and romance in her bitterness. 
 
 Another and greater change took place in her. No 
 more did she become excited or have strange throbbings 
 in her heart ; not even when, one day, she nearly ran into 
 Greenfield in front of the store. She simply sulked into 
 the crowd that was watching a display in the show win- 
 dows, and became one of the conglomerate mass until he 
 had passed. 
 
 Often there crept into her thoughts, a question that 
 begged for the reason of this peculiar change in her. It
 
 302 Hagar Revelly 
 
 seemed that something had gripped her heart and held it 
 away from her realler feelings. She found that she could 
 understand the hidden meanings in every word of hypoc- 
 risy which came to her ears. When men glanced at her 
 now, she read their thoughts. There was no more a feel- 
 ing of elation when people talked kindly to her. She only 
 reasoned that the kind words were of very little material 
 use, the way the world goes on. Almost uncanny was 
 she now in her ability to discard everything but what 
 would teach her something or make her more wise and ex- 
 perienced. 
 
 In only a few months did she seem to have come from 
 her youthful innocence into a woman of the world. And 
 though her eyes were quite as limpid, her mouth just as 
 virginal and youthful, there was in her mind a wild clamor- 
 ing, a relentless searching for more and greater gifts from 
 life. 
 
 Always waiting for something to happen, hoping eter- 
 nally, but silently, and never confiding the slightest con- 
 fidence to anyone, she lay in bed each morning, with the 
 sun streaming in upon her from between the slits in the 
 shutters, asking that the something happen that day ; and 
 when the day was over, and the vague thing that would 
 stimulate her had not made known its presence, she would 
 go home, resigned, saddened a little, but waiting for the 
 morrow. 
 
 It was fortunate that her charming manner did not so 
 easily desert her, although it may have been a pose on 
 her part. When she was away from the store and people, 
 and alone in her little room at the boarding house, there 
 would be some minutes when she became hard visaged, and 
 her countenance would gain the appearance of some caged 
 animal of an animal who, as he walks up and down be- 
 hind the steel bars, peers out enigmatically into the faces 
 of the crowd before it.
 
 Hagar Revelly 303 
 
 But in her eyes there still lurked the expression of 
 dormant passion so tremendously attractive. It continued 
 to be part of the mysterious veil of beauty that fascinated 
 anyone with whom she came in contact, just as her voice 
 retained the dulcet music that spoke of yearning and in- 
 nocence. 
 
 One night she passed the Belasco Theatre. A desire 
 to eat alone, downtown, instead of sharing the board at 
 home, kept her until nearly eight o'clock. Then, her 
 umbrella in hand (the weather had warmed suddenly and 
 settled into a fine drizzle), she wandered up Sixth Avenue 
 and over past Broadway. When she came to the broad 
 passage way in front of the theatre, with all the carriages 
 and automobiles pouring out their well-dressed occupants, 
 she drew back into the shadow of the gallery door. 
 
 A long time had it been since she had witnessed such 
 gaiety, emblazoned by silks and jewels, and she stood 
 quietly, observing closely the people that walked by. 
 Once, as an elegantly gowned woman passed her, she un- 
 consciously looked down onto the frayed edge of her own 
 coat sleeve and suddenly remembered how poor she was 
 and that she was not of this world of silks and jewels. 
 
 Just missing by an inch the slanting mist as it came 
 down onto the sidewalk, Hagar became filled with a feeling 
 of utter resentment. The ugly faces buried in their 
 ropes of pearls taunted her, the sheen of their silks, that 
 covered the many illy-formed ankles, made her feel like 
 running out and showing them her own well-rounded 
 limbs. 
 
 She half whispered to herself that they had no more 
 right to the fine clothes than she. Hadn't she known 
 depths to which they would never descend ; hadn't she suf- 
 fered, loved; was not her face quite as pretty, if not 
 prettier than any one of those who stepped from the au- 
 tomobiles and carriages?
 
 304 Hagar Revelly 
 
 Involuntarily she grasped at the little lace piece about 
 her collar. It was stiff and coarse. But no wonder 
 did she not have to pay full price now for such things? 
 When she was with Greenfield she remembered the box 
 of silk stockings he had presented to her. Why, she could 
 be as richly dressed, as these people, if she wished it. The 
 thought brought back a little of her proud spirit. 
 
 That night, Hagar sat on the edge of her quilted bed 
 and for nearly the first time, carefully manicured her 
 nails until it was long past midnight. 
 
 It was a difficult task for Hagar to stay at her work, 
 after that night in front of the Belasco Theatre. She 
 could not quite account for it, except that it seemed such 
 a waste of time and energy to be working for a few dol- 
 lars a week and such a hardship to be kind to the patrons, 
 when none of the money came into her own pocket. 
 
 One Monday morning she was insolent to one of the 
 store detectives who came to her disguised as a shopper. 
 And that afternoon a little red-faced woman, took her 
 place beside Hagar, and Mr. Mathering, the head of the 
 department, notified her that she was to " break in " the 
 little woman, then call for her pay. 
 
 On the first of the month Hagar found herself without 
 a position, and utterly without knowledge of any posi- 
 tion that might please her. But it really bothered her 
 very little. 
 
 A few months before, childish innocence might have 
 compelled Hagar to suffer deeply from her present cir- 
 cumstance. 
 
 It was indeed different now. Instead of giving in and 
 sitting in her room, to brood over her luck, she became 
 more determined and resolute than ever in her life. 
 
 Fixing up the little brown tailor-made suit she had 
 saved from the past, she spent the whole evening in mend- 
 ing and pressing it ; and then sallied into the bright sun-
 
 Hagar Revelly 305 
 
 light the next morning, with the mood of a butterfly which 
 had just come from out its chrysalis. 
 
 True, she realized what might happen if she were un- 
 successful in obtaining the position she wanted. 
 
 But of one thing she was certain. No matter in what 
 straits she found herself, she would not again accept a 
 position in a department store. There was so little chance 
 for advancement there, and so very little opportunity for 
 excitement. 
 
 It was excitement she craved after all, Hagar now re- 
 alized. How foolish she had been not to know that be- 
 fore, how idiotic she had been when listening to those 
 cooing words of Herrick, and thinking that the earning 
 of eight dollars a week was the road to riches and success. 
 
 Many plans swept through Hagar as she stepped 
 blithely down the poverty worn stair's carpet that led to 
 the street vestibule. She would not be a fool again. She 
 was free. Thatah had been fool enough to burden herself 
 with the Herrick's off-spring; so much more reason was 
 there that she should not be a fool, too. 
 
 Hagar thought of the places that she might visit in 
 search for a position. Of course, Greenfield would take 
 her back but she remembered his conditions. And then 
 she would not again do department store work, anyway. 
 
 At noon she stopped to rest against a counter at Alt- 
 man's. By her side stood a young woman, who was deep 
 in the purchase of some silk stockings. Absorbed with 
 her own thoughts, Hagar gave her very little attention 
 until by instinct, her attention was attracted to the pur- 
 chaser. 
 
 The young woman said to the girl back of the counter : 
 " Send them up to the Plotel Astor, right away. I want 
 to wear them to-night." Then a sudden thought made 
 her change her mind and she directed that the parcel be 
 sent to the stage door of the Casino.
 
 306 Hagar Revelly 
 
 " Oh, are you an actress? " Hagar heard the girl ask 
 with admiration. 
 
 The actress answered, very patronizingly, " Yes, child." 
 
 Immediately after she left the counter, Hagar ques- 
 tioned the salesgirl. 
 
 " What was her name ? " asked Hagar. 
 
 "You mean the woman that just left?" ' 
 
 Hagar nodded. 
 
 " Gee, she was a beauty, wasn't she ? " the girl com- 
 mented, and then looked on her order slip. 
 
 " Helene Travers, that's her," said the girl in a mo- 
 ment. 
 
 Hagar was at the little box office window of the Casino 
 Theatre, quite before she realized that something more 
 crucial demanded her attention than following up a bit 
 of curiosity. But there seemed so little else for her to 
 'do. Four want columns had failed to show anything that 
 enticed her. 
 
 " I just wanted a programme," she told the ticket man. 
 " I've got a friend in the show." 
 
 Out in the street again, she read in very small print, 
 under the sub-title " Waitresses in Restaurant," third 
 act ; the name " Helene Travers." 
 
 " And she lives at the Astor," thought Hagar. " A 
 charge account and living at the Hotel Astor ! " 
 
 As Hagar thought over it she wondered if it would not 
 be an adventure to seek employment at some theatrical 
 agency, telling herself quite seriously that she would be 
 willing to take a very small salary for a few weeks until 
 she could learn about the work. 
 
 A dozen times she asked herself, as she walked down the 
 street, " I wonder if I could do it." 
 
 By the time she had reached Forty-second Street, she 
 had bought an Evening Telegram, and managed to find
 
 Hagar Revelly 307 
 
 the name of a hall on Sixth Avenue, where " Girls were 
 wanted for a new Broadway success." 
 
 It was an adventure indeed, and she felt quite gay and 
 light-hearted as she hunted for the address. She was not 
 at all aware that no reputable management obtained girls 
 in this manner. 
 
 The hall was over a drug store and after climbing up 
 three flights of stairs, she entered a long narrow room 
 filled with people and tobacco smoke. At the farthest 
 end were congregated about twenty men and women in a 
 group, chatting and laughing, while at the end nearest 
 the door behind a dilapidated Japanese screen, sat a man, 
 coatless and sleeves rolled up, busily engaged in interview- 
 ing two young women who confronted him. 
 
 Taking him to be the manager, from the pompous man- 
 ner in which he talked, Hagar decided to quietly stand 
 by their side until she could speak to him. Her heart was 
 giving queer little jumps and as she heard the questions 
 he asked of the girls, she was actually too startled to 
 move. 
 
 " What have you done? 
 
 "Your last engagement? 
 
 " Stand off over there. 
 
 " Let's see your legs ? " 
 
 Then she turned and fled precipitously down the wooden 
 stairs. 
 
 " Oh, my Lord ! " she muttered to herself. " Oh, my 
 Lord ! " 
 
 Buried in troublesome thought, Hagar entered a drug 
 store and was at the telephone before she was really aware 
 that it was Greenfield to whom she was calling in her mo- 
 ment of distress. 
 
 " Give me Chelsea 68131," she called in a trembling 
 voice.
 
 308 Hagar Revelly 
 
 All too soon she recognized the voice of the central at 
 Rheinchild's. 
 
 She half whispered. "I I want to speak tq Mr. 
 Greenfield." 
 
 The small voice came back. " Out to lunch. Back 
 at two good-bye." 
 
 How she thanked Heaven for the respite, as she hung 
 up the receiver. 
 
 But when she called again and had him on the wire, 
 her heart pounded as treacherously as ever, though she 
 was somewhat reassured by the kindness of his voice. It 
 seemed so good to hear him again. 
 
 " Well, well, Hagar," she heard him say. She could 
 quite distinguish the surprise and wonder in his words. 
 
 " Yes, it is Hagar," she answered. And then, " Oh, 
 Mr. Greenfield, I didn't want to see you again but I 
 can't help it. I'm I'm out of a job that's all I want 
 to see you about. Can I have back the guide job?" 
 
 " Well, well, well," his voice came back, so soft and 
 comforting. 
 
 There was a silence. 
 
 " What's the matter ? " she begged. 
 
 " Come over and see me right away, child," he replied. 
 
 She hesitated. Stand before him again, face to face! 
 How could she? 
 
 But hadn't she believed that she must do that sooner 
 or later? 
 
 " What time will you be here ? " he asked. 
 
 " I can come right away. I'm not working to-day." 
 
 For fear that her voice would weaken at the last mo- 
 ment and betray her feelings, she quickly hung up the 
 receiver, and then regretted her abrupt ending of their 
 talk. 
 
 In the ladies' dressing room at the Knickerbocker Hotel, 
 she sat down for a few minutes to collect her thoughts.
 
 Hagar Revelly 309 
 
 For the first time she asked herself what she was doing. 
 Was she returning to Greenfield to really get back her 
 position as guide? After all, was there not a little un- 
 truth in that? And would he approach her again upon 
 the old subject? 
 
 A bit of lip rouge and a dab of powder made her feel 
 braver, and the kind smile of the woman in charge gave 
 her more assurance. 
 
 Yet when she entered the great, huge entrance of Rhein- 
 child's, she felt stiff and cold as though she were in a 
 trance. 
 
 " Where where is Mr. Greenfield's office now ? " she 
 asked of the blonde-haired starter of the elevators. 
 
 The man looked at her : " Sixth floor, lady. What do 
 you " Then he recognized her. " Oh, the same as 
 always," he added. 
 
 And somehow, his word of recognition gave her a certain 
 feeling of intimacy, that braved her in much the same 
 manner as had the smile of the lady in the dressing room. 
 
 The elevator man could not know how crucial was his 
 smile, and how her heart was beating as she walked into 
 the mirrowed cage.
 
 CHAPTER XXIV 
 
 SHE was before Greenfield, holding his hand. She told 
 herself that he was better looking now than when she had 
 known him before; he seemed to have more color in his 
 face. But she felt disappointed when she saw his 
 clothes fitted him less snugly, and that he seemed to be 
 careless in the way his hair was combed. His nails were 
 unmanicured, too, and his shoes were dull and streaky. 
 
 Hagar was coming in for a like examination at his hands 
 and the while he realized she was studying him, Greenfield 
 told himself this little woman had suffered since he 
 had last seen her ; that she was more calm and experienced 
 looking. 
 
 Greenfield held her hand for a long time before saying 
 anything. 
 
 At last, very softly, even wistfully, as if a year of long- 
 ing lay wrapped in his words, he said : " So, Hagar 
 you are back? " 
 
 " Yes, I should like to have my old position back, if 
 possible, Mr. Greenfield." Noticing that he was willing 
 to let her go on, she added : " To-day, I didn't think I 
 wanted to work in a department store again but I think 
 I'd take back my old position." 
 
 She stood quietly in front of him, feeling that it would 
 be poor policy to say anything further until he spoke. 
 
 Greenfield was playing with a little paper knife on his 
 desk. 
 
 "What's the matter?" asked Hagar. 
 
 Smiling faintly, he turned to her. " Sit down, Hagar, 
 
 won't you? " 
 
 310
 
 Ha gar Revelly Sll 
 
 She took the chair he offered her. 
 
 " Well, I'm awfully glad to see you, little girl," he said. 
 
 It was a relief for her to hear him speak. 
 
 He repeated again, " Awfully glad." 
 
 At that moment Hagar wished that she could ask 
 him about the year that had passed, and if he had 
 been well and having a good time. However, something 
 seemed to keep her from showing that she had given him 
 a thought in that time. " Then I could have my position 
 back? " w.as all she could say. Without answer, Green- 
 field continued to look at her in his queer searching way. 
 She wondered if he knew what had happened to her and 
 had heard in some way of her past trouble. She even felt 
 that it would be best to tell him everything before he had 
 a chance to ask her. 
 
 Then he spoke, and although his words brought little 
 encouragement, yet she felt very happy to know that he 
 was totally unaware of the details of her woeful expe- 
 riences. 
 
 " I'm afraid, Hagar," he began, " that you can't have 
 the position that is, I don't believe I could fix it offhand. 
 Maybe in time ; but there is another girl in the position 
 now she's had it since you left, and as she is fairly 
 satisfactory to the firm, I couldn't well, you under- 
 stand, Hagar, don't you ? " 
 
 He looked up at her. She hardly knew how to 
 answer. 
 
 " Well, I'm sorry," she mastered at last. 
 
 She had never thought of this contingency. 
 
 " But don't be unhappy," he came back with a smile. 
 " I am still as fond of you as ever." 
 
 Quite before she thought, she said : " I'm awfully 
 glad." 
 
 "Are you, Hagar?" he asked, as he looked at her 
 steadily.
 
 31 Hagar Revelly 
 
 She thought that after all it would not be so difficult to 
 get back her position. 
 
 Soon he leaned over to her, and grasped her hands im- 
 petuously, saying, once or twice, " Hagar, girl, I'm glad 
 to see you." 
 
 Then he sat back in his chair. 
 
 " Where are you working now? " 
 
 " Why, I was at Macy's." 
 
 " Don't you like it there? " 
 
 " Oh, I don't know. I want something different. The 
 girls there get on my nerves. And then," she looked down 
 at a little hole showing itself in her kid gloves, " I 
 want more, something I guess I can't explain it, only 
 well, I know I just can't stand back of a counter any 
 more." 
 
 As he remained silent, she added : " I guess I am getting 
 a little older." 
 
 Greenfield said very softly, " I understand, Hagar." 
 
 She noticed that his words were kind and gentle, and 
 that he was smiling. 
 
 Then she cast her eyes upon the floor, waiting for him 
 to say something. When she looked up, the smile was 
 still on his face. 
 
 " Well, I guess I'd better be going," she exclaimed, rest- 
 lessly, and arose from her chair. 
 
 He arose with her, and extended his hand. " I'm sorry, 
 Hagar, that I haven't anything at the present time." 
 When he patted her hand and wrists, there seemed real 
 affection in his words. " Really, I am sorry, dear little 
 Hagar. But I'll let you know if there is any chance. 
 Will you step in to see me in a few days ? " 
 
 She replied very earnestly, " Yes, I'd be glad to." 
 
 As she was walking through the door, he asked very 
 casually, " Where did you say you were living? " 
 
 Hagar gave him her address, wondering if she would
 
 Hagar Revelly 313 
 
 have to explain how she came to be living in a new place. 
 Then she saw him studying the name on the card. 
 
 " Yes, I use Mrs. Kennedy as a name now," she laughed 
 lightly. 
 
 He gave a start. " Why, Hagar, you are not 
 married? " 
 
 She laughed. " Good heavens, no. I only do that so 
 well, so they won't think it's funny because I stay in so 
 much." 
 
 " Oh, I see," he answered ; and then, more seriously, 
 " All right, I'll remember, Mrs. Kennedy." 
 
 They both went to the door laughing, for no apparent 
 reason. 
 
 And Hagar was out in the hall already, and walking 
 rapidly toward the elevator, when she heard Greenfield call 
 her name. Looking back, she saw him still standing in the 
 doorway. 
 
 When she had come nearer to him, he asked : 
 
 " What are you doing to-night, Hagar? Do you want 
 to take dinner with me? " 
 
 A world of thought swept over her in that instant. So 
 he did want her after all ! 
 
 " Why, I'm sorry" she stumbled on each word 
 " I've got an engagement for dinner to-night." 
 
 Her knees trembled, and he seemed to be standing there 
 looking at her, enveloped in a queer sort of haze. She 
 wondered how she could have been so audacious. 
 
 " Very well, drop in to see me any old time." The dis- 
 appointment showed plainly on his face. " Good-bye." 
 
 " Good-bye." She took his extended hand. 
 
 Hagar was on the street, before she dared question her- 
 self as to the advisability of this procedure. 
 
 Something had told her it was the right thing to do, and 
 would make him more anxious. 
 
 But when she reached home and sat alone in her little
 
 314 Hagar Revelly 
 
 room, she was more depressed than ever and wished she had 
 not tried to be so clever with him. 
 
 Drawing a rocker up to the window, she sat for a whole 
 hour looking out into the street below, comparing herself 
 with a number of dirty-faced children, who were laughing 
 and running along the curbing. When the bell rang for 
 supper, she felt not at all hungry, deciding she would 
 rather sit alone in her room, than go downstairs and listen 
 to the boarders' conversations. 
 
 She sat there, thinking; thinking the wall paper was 
 more greasy looking ; the little carpet more worn ; her own 
 brown suit very shabby, after all her mending and 
 pressing. 
 
 A knock at the door jerked her from her reflections. 
 Somehow, she was really frightened, when she asked 
 "Who's there?" Probably, she thought, from sitting 
 quiet so long. 
 
 It was a note in Greenfield's handwriting, brought by a 
 special messenger. 
 
 " Thank you," she said to the servant who brought it, 
 and when the door was closed, she started a little frantic- 
 ally to tear it open. 
 
 Then she controlled herself, as if some hidden person in 
 the room were observing her. 
 
 " You fool," she said to herself, and with more than 
 necessary deliberation, tore open the envelope. 
 
 "Dear Hagar: 
 
 I am sending this note on a chance. I want to see you, and 
 I don't believe you have an engagement. I'll stay at the 
 address you know on Eighty-seventh Street to-night, so you can 
 come as late as you want. It may be that you won't get this 
 note much before nine o'clock anyway. 
 
 I am so anxious to see you. Don't be a fool, Hagar." 
 
 She looked at the piece of paper steadily for many
 
 Hagar Revelly 815 
 
 minutes. With a sudden determination she went over to 
 the closet. " I believe I'll go," she said to herself, a feel- 
 ing of pique, because he had so easily fathomed her lie 
 to him, making her hesitate a moment as she reached up 
 for a long grey veil. Then she exclaimed, a little sav- 
 agely, " Oh, what's the use of fooling myself," and in a 
 moment she had put on her hat and closed the door after 
 her, and walked down the stairs to the street and sub- 
 way. 
 
 After all, why shouldn't she go ? It wasn't as if she had 
 something else to fall back on. 
 
 However, she was just a little nervous, and when the 
 man called " Grand Central," she arose with the crowd and 
 walked up the steps before she was aware that she was 
 getting off at the wrong station. 
 
 Then she saw by a clock that it was yet very early, and 
 so decided to walk a few blocks. The glare of light 
 Broadway-wards ended whatever thought she had to go 
 into the station and wait. 
 
 A great sign of many thousands of incandescents, 
 merged together in a crude representation of a bottle 
 pouring a dazzling yellow stream from its mouth, at- 
 tracted her attention, as she walked over Forty-second 
 Street. A new kind of champagne, she read, and for a time 
 was held fascinated by its changing colors, so dark and 
 silent for a moment, then bursting into all its blazing 
 glory. 
 
 " I'll get some of that to-night, I guess," she confessed 
 to herself, smiling a little oddly. 
 
 She walked down the iron steps at the Times Square 
 Subway Station, and into the crowded train, feeling quite 
 in the spirit for an adventure. 
 
 The same negro woman, with her blue dress and spec- 
 tacles, admitted her.
 
 316 Hagar Revelly 
 
 " Just come in," said she, and in a moment Hagar was 
 inside Greenfield's room. 
 
 He was sitting by a large rocker drawn up in front of 
 the grate fire, and when she came in, he arose and took her 
 hands. 
 
 " Well, Hagar, I'm pretty glad to see you," he said. 
 
 At his request, she took off her hat and coat, and 
 laid them on the back of a chair. Hagar noticed that 
 as he offered to assist her, his manner was polite and 
 gentle. 
 
 But they were hardly settled before the fire, when he 
 began to ply her with questions. 
 
 " Now, tell me what you've been doing, where you've 
 been, Hagar? " he said in one breath. 
 
 " Oh, there's not much to tell. I haven't been doing 
 anything." 
 
 "Well what about that fellow Herrick? Wasn't 
 that his name ? " 
 
 Greenfield noticed that she reddened somewhat. 
 
 " Let's change the subject," she begged. 
 
 " As you say," he laughed. He was determined not to 
 have the evening start off badly. " Only, I'm quite in- 
 terested in what has transpired, Hagar. You can under- 
 stand " 
 
 "Oh, tl^re is nothing to tell, just monotony, bored to 
 death that's all," she said slowly. 
 
 Sympathetically he exclaimed : " Poor Hagar ! " 
 
 She threw her head back somewhat defiantly. 
 
 " Oh, I don't need pity." 
 
 "No?" 
 
 " No ! " 
 
 " Then, you need what? Love? " 
 
 Rather shamedly she looked at him from under her lids. 
 Her moment of splendid defiance had vanished. 
 
 " Oh, maybe," she whispered.
 
 Hagar Revelly 317 
 
 " I am sure of it, Hagar," he exclaimed, grasping her 
 hands. 
 
 Then he dropped his parleying manner. 
 " I believe you know why you came back to me, 
 Hagar," he said earnestly. " You realized that I am fond 
 of you. Yes, you thought about it a long while, and sud- 
 denly made up your mind that I love you. And you 
 wanted to be loved; so there was nothing else for you to 
 do but to come back home. Am I right? ... I 
 wonder," he went on, " if I've been a fool all this time, to 
 keep on thinking and thinking of you, never forgetting 
 you for an instant? " 
 
 He took out his watch and opened its lid. " You see, 
 here's your picture remember the one that was taken of 
 all the girls? I cut yours out and had it enlarged." 
 
 He looked deeply into her eyes. " Tell me, Hagar," he 
 asked softly, " was I a fool for thinking about you so 
 much? " 
 
 Staring steadily ahead of her, she failed to answer. 
 " Was I a fool for thinking about you so much? " he 
 repeated. " Look at me, dear." 
 
 Her head was bent low, and one hand shaded her eyes 
 as she gazed into the fire, while the other lay stretched 
 along the arm of the chair. 
 
 Gaining courage, Greenfield took her hand in his own, 
 and remarked at its slight trembling. 
 
 Hagar did not draw away, but only said, " Yes, I am a 
 little nervous to-night." 
 
 He felt the clasp of her fingers grow stronger. 
 Then she suddenly looked up into his face, with a greatly 
 changed expression : " You're pretty good to me, after 
 all, aren't you ? " 
 
 She spoke with a good deal of the old childishness and 
 appreciation, and Greenfield thought he had never heard 
 her speak so sweetly.
 
 318 Hagar Revelly 
 
 " It's because I love you, dearie. I'd do anything on 
 earth if I thought you loved me." 
 
 For a half hour they talked with friendliness and 
 intimacy. Greenfield was determined to be gentle, suave 
 and tactful; if he spoke too hastily, he halted, and went 
 back into more control, as if ihe were following out some 
 prearranged plan. 
 
 And Hagar was meek and quiet, never once letting him 
 understand that she was thoroughly conscious of the situ- 
 ation. 
 
 While they were talking, the woman who had greeted 
 Hagar in the hallway, knocked at the door. 
 
 " Did Mr. Greenfield want any wine ? " 
 
 After a whispered order, he came back and sat again by 
 her side. Hagar thought he was a little excited now, for 
 he soon left his chair and went over to poke the fire, which 
 was already burning very brightly. 
 
 " It is cosier when it's warm," he said. 
 
 Hagar watched him with interest. 
 
 Leaning against the mantelpiece, and with the iron 
 tongs still in his hands, he stood quiet for a moment, re- 
 garding her. 
 
 " So, you are back home at last, little girl, aren't you ? " 
 he commenced. " It's pretty hard to realize." 
 
 With a playful toss of her head, she said, rather sweetly, 
 "Is it?" 
 
 " Yes, you bet ! " he said slowly. 
 
 He came over and stood back of her chair, and then, 
 with both hands, slowly stroked her glowing black hair. 
 
 '* You don't know how I have missed you I have been 
 terribly lonely, Hagar." 
 
 There was a thread of sadness in his voice. 
 
 " I am sorry, Mr. Greenfield." 
 
 "Why don't you call me by my first name?" ex- 
 claimed he.
 
 Hagar Revelly 819 
 
 "What is it?" 
 
 "You don't know!" 
 
 " No, honestly not." 
 
 " I thought I told you then, or rather asked you to 
 one night, some place." 
 
 " I don't remember it." 
 
 " Well, you call me Ben. That's shorter than my whole 
 name. Good heavens, what's the matter? " 
 
 Hagar had become suddenly pale and her face showed a 
 sadness that made him start. 
 
 " What's the matter, kiddie," he asked, frightened lest 
 some hidden meaning, some reminiscence brought by his 
 words, had come out of the past to blight all the progress 
 he had made. 
 
 " Your Ben made me think of something, that's 
 all. It's all right now." 
 
 And she understood for the first time how it had come 
 that she had named the little china doll. It surprised her 
 when she realized that in all this time, she had not once 
 been conscious in the similarity of names. 
 
 But to all his begging, she only gave the same answer: 
 
 " Oh, it's all right. It's nothing," even calling him 
 " Ben," for the first time, just to pacify him. 
 
 Greenfield commented upon her vague explanation. 
 " You see, you don't tell me anything," he said, as he drew 
 a little away from the fire. 
 
 The light from the burning embers cast a soft crimson 
 tint on his face, subduing the usual sallowness of his thick 
 skin. In this light Hagar thought him not altogether un- 
 handsome. 
 
 " Yes," he went on, " you don't tell me anything, 
 Hagar. Everything is so mysterious. When I asked you 
 about this fellow Herrick, you only say, * Oh, he left the 
 city.' If I ask you about your folks, or your job, or what 
 you have done for over a year, it is always the same
 
 380 Hagar Revelly 
 
 answer. Why, Hagar, don't you realize that you need 
 someone to tell the truth to. You can lie to most anyone 
 you meet, but the truth 
 
 " It wouldn't do any good," she ventured. " If I told 
 you the straight of it, it would be so strange you'd be sure 
 I was lying. At least, now, you don't know whether to 
 think I am lying or not." 
 
 Seeing it was best to let her have her way, he left 
 the subject of their conversation to tell how hard he had 
 tried to find her. 
 
 At that moment there was another knock on the door 
 that led into the hall. 
 
 It was done in a gentle manner, being nearly inaudible, 
 but it frightened Hagar immeasurably. 
 
 " You mustn't be scared," Greenfield said, as he noticed 
 how startled she was. " It's only the maid." 
 
 Then he opened the door and the woman brought into 
 the room on a black enamelled tray, a large bottle of 
 champagne. When she went out they both laughed at the 
 way Hagar had been scared. It served to make each 
 understand how tense was the situation in the mind of 
 the other. But at the same time, Hagar was conscious 
 enough of her position, to look at his back, as he stood 
 at the door, and wonder when he would begin kissing her. 
 
 As soon as the maid left, Greenfield walked across the 
 room to the little table on which was placed the 
 champagne. 
 
 Quite nonchalantly, he said, as he broke off the wire over 
 the cork : " We must take some of this wine. We are both 
 pretty tired and stupid to-night." 
 
 " Am I stupid, Ben," she asked childishly. 
 
 " I didn't mean that, I meant that 7 was," he apolo- 
 gized. 
 
 Now he took the neck of one of the bottles and wrapped 
 a large napkin about it many times. Then he twisted
 
 Hagar Revelly 821 
 
 and turned it until the cork came out with only the 
 faintest whisper of an explosion. When he poured the 
 sparkling amber fluid into the two broad-bellied glasses, 
 he showed that he felt rather proud of himself. 
 
 " You've got to open a good many bottles to do it that 
 way," he remarked. 
 
 Hagar asked him why. 
 
 " Because there is so much gas in the bottles it would 
 pop all over everything. You must do it slowly." 
 
 Coming over to where she sat, he placed a glass care- 
 fully on the broad arm of the chair. He did it with great 
 precision and care. 
 
 " There," he said, " you'll like it. I don't believe it is 
 too dry." 
 
 " What kind of wine is it? " 
 
 " Why, champagne, child, Pommery." 
 
 Then he raised the glass to his lips. " Here's to our 
 future happiness, Hagar," he said, looking directly into 
 her eyes. " Go ahead and taste it." 
 
 " I have never drank champagne before," came from her 
 doubtfully. " Would it make me drunk? I've always 
 wanted to taste it." 
 
 He laughed. " Why, of course it won't make you 
 drunk, go ahead and drink it." 
 
 A little longer she hesitated. 
 
 " Really, Hagar, you'll like it. A little champagne is 
 the only drink for white people. Go ahead and drink it." 
 
 At last she obeyed him. 
 
 " Isn't it good ? " he asked, after she had taken a 
 swallow. 
 
 " It's so funny. All the little bubbles come up and 
 sting you in the face." 
 
 " See ! I knew you'd like it." 
 
 She took the glass again in her hand and for a long 
 time looked down into it, while she fingered the thin stem
 
 322 Hagar Revelly 
 
 in a gentle caress. Then she laughed outright and 
 placed the glass to her lips. When she had taken it away, 
 even the long stem was empty. 
 
 For a time they sat looking into the fire. Over Hagar 
 there seemed to spread a gentle soothing feeling that 
 veiled her body in peace, and made her more happy than 
 she had been in months. Looking ahead of her, she caught 
 her reflection in the mirror; and thought she had never 
 looked so well since the days when she had been happy with 
 Herrick. 
 
 Even Greenfield seemed handsome somehow, and as she 
 looked out of the corner of her eye to catch his eyes study- 
 ing her, she felt that she would have suffered his arm to 
 be about her, had he enough sense to attempt it at that 
 moment. He seemed so foolish, sitting there so quietly, 
 when they were all alone. 
 
 " You know you have changed a good deal in the last 
 year, Hagar," said Greenfield at that moment. 
 
 "Havel?" 
 
 " Yes. You don't think those high-minded things about 
 life the way you used to. Now, do you ? " 
 
 " Oh, perhaps not. A girl like me hasn't got so much 
 chance in this world." 
 
 " I told you that a year ago." 
 
 " I am beginning to believe it now." 
 
 " Hagar, you mean it? " he cried, jumping up. 
 
 She was startled by this sudden impulse. " Why, what's 
 the matter? " 
 
 " What you just said about beginning to understand 
 the way things really are. Do you think that way now ? " 
 
 " Oh, I believe I do." Her answer was filled with weari- 
 ness. 
 
 " Let's have another drink," he suggested. 
 
 Going over to the table, he again filled the shallow 
 glasses. " Drink, Hagar," he said.
 
 Hagar Revelly 323 
 
 She took the glass from his hand. " Anyway, it is not 
 bad tasting stuff," she laughed. And after a moment, 
 like one who hesitates upon the brink of a cold pool, she 
 gulped down the contents of the second glass, with a ges- 
 ture that was full of abandon and daring. 
 
 Greenfield came over and sat on the arm of her chair. 
 
 " You're a great, wonderful girl," he exclaimed. " I 
 swear I have been in love with you ever since the first 
 moment I saw you." 
 
 Hagar's response was to look up into his face. His 
 lips were near to hers, and in them was such an expression 
 of strong desire, she could hardly resist lessening the dis- 
 tance that separated them. 
 
 Somehow, she knew that in another moment he would 
 kiss her. But it seemed a lot of fun to hold off like this 
 and tease him. And so she drew away instead, just to see 
 the flash of self-reproach come into his eyes, because he 
 had not grasped that moment. 
 
 They played for nearly an hour in this manner. Green- 
 field sat on the arm of her chair, while Hagar gazed con- 
 tentedly into the fire. 
 
 Then they had another drink, and to Hagar the room 
 seemed to be suddenly filled with a thousand noises, while 
 her head whirled around and her heart matched up with 
 it in riotous exultation. 
 
 So came the moment when restraint was thrown off 
 entirely. They were launched on a sea of tumult and 
 rapture. He had her in his arms, kissing her head, her 
 cheeks, her lips, in a frenzy of passion. 
 
 It was no longer a chimera for Greenfield. The beau- 
 tiful, soft arms were really around his neck, hanging limp ; 
 her body was throbbing close to his own, while Hagar, in 
 her fast ebbing consciousness, kept repeating to herself, 
 over and over : " How wonderful this is. ... What 
 a fool I have been,"
 
 Hagar Revelly 
 
 For only a moment did Greenfield watch the drooping 
 lashes, the quivering lips, the tremulous pulsation of her 
 bosom. Then he lifted her into his arms, and despite a 
 moment of slight resistance. . . carried her into 
 the next room.
 
 CHAPTER XXV 
 
 HAGAR and Greenfield were three months together before 
 the girl stopped to ask of herself whether her happiness 
 was dearly bought, or had come by some benefactor's hand 
 in the time of need. 
 
 Everything appeared to have come so gradually and to 
 run so smoothly, she could hardly believe that it had not 
 always been this way; and she never thought of its real 
 value to her in the way of a fulfilment of her wants and 
 desires. It actually seemed for a time that this affair 
 with Greenfield was legitimate, and nothing unusual. It 
 was only as the months went on that she found herself 
 conscious of the same former longings and restlessness. 
 
 During the first few weeks she was slightly worried by 
 the manner in which Greenfield would stop and study her. 
 She was nearly tempted once to tell him the entire story 
 about Herrick. But this action on his part, which seemed 
 to her like suspicion, soon passed off, and she felt quite 
 happy that she had been saved the confession. 
 
 Often after that she would walk up and down in the 
 suite of rooms that Greenfield had fitted up, asking herself 
 why she should be so foolish as to not get all the happiness 
 that was to be obtained. 
 
 Curious indeed, was Hagar's state of constant unsatis- 
 fied longing. She did not stop to ask of herself the 
 question: "Will I be happy?" but rather, "Shall I get 
 that which makes others happy? " 
 
 Perhaps, had she placed a greater value on her body, 
 like other women of mutability, she would have had a dif- 
 ferent viewpoint; would have been more practical in her 
 
 325
 
 326 Hagar Revelly 
 
 treatment of Greenfield. But now she merely used herself 
 as a means to an end, with the end, an invisible, mystical 
 thing in the perspective. Indeed, she was totally unaware 
 of what process of reasoning she had used to gain a deci- 
 sion, or of the trend her resolutions had taken; she was 
 really as unaware of her own resolutions as she was un- 
 aware of the intentions of her seducer that night on the 
 star-lit bank of the Hudson. She tried to find no legiti- 
 mate name for what might eventually happen, only going 
 on blindly. And all the builded hierarchies of virtue 
 tumbled unrecognized to her trodded soil. 
 
 Better living had its effect upon her. Since Greenfield 
 always wanted her to look well, and trusted her so much 
 that she was allowed accounts in two of the big stores, it 
 was not long before a dormant talent for cleverly decora- 
 ting herself became apparent. She spent much time in 
 buying and looking at expensive garments worn by people 
 whom she previously could only envy from her position 
 back of the counter. And she spent a good deal of 
 money. Appreciating Greenfield's confidence in her, it 
 was only the knowledge of his implicit trust that kept her 
 from taking greater advantage of him. 
 
 Another thing that troubled her, and probably kept her 
 from being really extravagant, was a feeling she experi- 
 enced whenever she bought a piece of goods, or a passemen- 
 terie, that cost more than the usual price. A momentary 
 spasm of guilt always shot through her at these times. 
 
 Ajb the beginning of her companionship with Greenfield, 
 she had even tried to overcome this feeling of faithlessness, 
 by telling herself that she was really in love with him, but 
 that her strange nature made it difficult for her to be de- 
 monstrative. Then, after many futile attempts, she gave 
 up the task, only doing what she saw was necessary to 
 keep him from growing too suspicious. 
 
 But she liked the life, and found much happiness in look-
 
 Hagar Revelly 327 
 
 ing pretty, not exactly because Greenfield was made 
 happy, but because it opened up to her new vistas fields 
 for more ambitious endeavor. She realized now that all 
 this new world of fine clothes and manners could be ob- 
 tained by simply being clever. 
 
 Greenfield was really conscious of the change that had 
 come over Hagar in the few months, but his own conceit 
 gave him an entirely new name for it. When she walked 
 out to a taxicab, and showed no longer the signs of her 
 former humbleness and gratitude, but instead a look of 
 defiance and indifference to every one about her, he was 
 much pleased. Who else but he had brought out this 
 queenly instinct in her? Mistaking her proud spirit and 
 haughtiness for a sign of devotion to himself, he felt that 
 he, too, was elevated along with her. 
 
 Hagar was very gay during those days. Instilled with 
 confidence in her physical self, gained by a transmission 
 of the words of regard given her by others, she displayed 
 an innate talent for pleasure that surprised her quite as 
 much as it did Greenfield. She grew to love the white 
 lights and the marvellous entrances of the great hotels, 
 spending hours in front of the mirror rehearsing her 
 entrance into them. 
 
 She never paused to consider the possible price she was 
 paying. Aside from her duty to Greenfield, the shirking 
 of which was the only thing that troubled her, she re- 
 mained free of care ; and though, at times, she would ask 
 herself if she ought not to consider him more, as a pay- 
 ment of his goodness to her, she would always feel easy 
 of mind when she reasoned that the power of affection was 
 something beyond her control. 
 
 One afternoon at the end of the winter, she suddenly 
 met a girl whom she had known at Rheinchild's. Hagar 
 tried to pass her without any sign of recognition, but 
 before she could accomplish it, their eyes had met.
 
 328 Hagar Revelly 
 
 " Why, dearie," exclaimed the girl, " I am so glad to 
 see you." 
 
 The girl eyed her, and then, after a moment, in which 
 she had entirely surveyed Hagar, she said in a manner full 
 of awe : " Why you where'd you get all the rags ? " 
 
 Smiling in a superior manner, Hagar replied : " Why, 
 you know I'm married been married for nearly six 
 months." 
 
 " I didn't know that. Well, you're pretty lucky, all 
 right." She was unable to keep her eyes off the broad- 
 cloth and furs. 
 
 They had a few more words, and when the girl left, 
 Hagar stood for a moment rigid and silent. This was the 
 first time she had come into a fragment of her old life, and 
 the remembrance burst in upon her vindictively. 
 
 " Damn it ! I had to lie," she exclaimed quite aloud. 
 " What right had she to ask me, anyway ? " 
 
 All the way back to the hotel, the strangeness of having 
 to utter the untruthful words annoyed her. 
 
 Two days later, just as she was coming out of Tiffany's, 
 she met Thatah. The tall, thin figure wore black clothes, 
 and a hat trimmed in crepe. More like an apparition 
 Thatah seemed at that moment, and Hagar was too 
 startled to ward off any of the many thoughts crowding 
 her brain. 
 
 She grasped Thatah's arm. " Thatah, what's the 
 matter? I haven't seen you for months. You are not in 
 mourning ! " 
 
 Thatah was quiet and sad. " Yes, sister, I'm in mounv-i 
 ing," she replied. 
 
 Realizing that some calamity had befallen Thatah, and 
 from a desire to appear sympathetic and interested, Hagar 
 cried : " For heaven's sake, Thatah, tell me what has 
 happened? I haven't seen you for such a long time." 
 
 " I tried very hard to get you, Hagar," Thatah said,
 
 Hagar Revelly 339 
 
 quietly. " I inquired at the boarding house where you 
 lived, but they seemed to know nothing about you.' 5 
 
 Then Hagar pointed to the crepe. " Is it father? " she 
 
 Thatah answered very softly : " Yes, Hagar, he died 
 four months ago." 
 
 " He died four months ago ! " Hagar repeated mechan- 
 ically, at the same time wondering why she could not think 
 of some more intelligent question or sentence which would 
 better show her grief. 
 
 " Yes. He had what the doctors called nephritis, with 
 complications." 
 
 " Oh, how awful how awful," moaned Hagar. 
 
 " Yes, it was awful. Thank God, it is all passed now." 
 
 Thatah spoke slowly, with a little break in her voice. 
 " He suffered so terribly at the last." 
 
 " Did he ask about me? " Hagar faltered. 
 
 " Yes. He was fond of you always." 
 
 " He was fond of me, sister ? I didn't know that," 
 Hagar murmured. 
 
 After a moment of silence, Thatah asked where Hagar 
 was living. 
 
 " I'm living at the Malvern Hotel. I'm married 
 now, you know." There was a return in Hagar's words of 
 her usual spirit. 
 
 And now Thatah was startled. " You're married, 
 Hagar?" 
 
 " Yes." 
 
 " Hagar, to whom ? " 
 
 " Well, I think you remember him Mr. Greenfield. 
 I'm married to him." 
 
 " You married him! " exclaimed Thatah. 
 
 Hagar looked up. 
 
 " Of course. He was the only one that was really 
 square with me."
 
 330 Hagar Revelly 
 
 Thatah was so bewildered, so perplexed, that the words 
 had to fight their way to her lips. " Well, Hagar, it is all 
 very strange you married to Greenfield," she said 
 finally. 
 
 They had stood at the side of the curbing for another 
 few minutes, when a feeling of discomfort builded itself in 
 Hagar to such an extent that she could no longer stand 
 quietly and talk to Thatah. Somehow, she felt a sudden 
 return to her old days of misery, and as she looked up and 
 saw how sad Thatah appeared, how disheartened in spirit 
 and shabby in dress she was, as compared with herself, 
 she felt that she could no longer tolerate the painful con- 
 trast. 
 
 " Well, I must go now, Thatah," she said, restlessly. 
 " I'm living at the Malvern on Forty-fifth Street." Her 
 nervousness was overcoming her. " I wish you would drop 
 in some time. 
 
 " You don't know how sorry I am about father," she 
 went on, with her eyes cast down, ashamed of her absolute 
 lack of response to Thatah's tears. " I wish I could do 
 something." Extending her hand, she stammered : " Well, 
 good-bye, Thatah. You do know how I feel about 
 about father's death don't you ? " 
 
 Thatah remained silent, and she added : " I'd really 
 like to have you look me up, sometime." 
 
 She was well out of sight, before Thatah, who had been 
 enveloped in a veil of reverie and wonderment, brought on 
 by Hagar's strange action, turned and walked over to the 
 Thirty-third Street Subway. And along the whole walk, 
 she kept repeating to herself : " She never once asked 
 about Edric." And as she thought on, and remembered 
 the queer shifting of Hagar's eyes, and her eagerness to 
 get away, she said, nearly aloud, " Yes, Hagar has surely 
 changed." 
 
 Until she reached home, the picture of Hagar's radiant
 
 Hagar Revelly 331 
 
 health, her wonderful clothes and her delicate, refined man- 
 ner, so utterly new, was vividly present. As she thought 
 about it, she somehow felt old and shabby, in comparison. 
 
 The thoughts that pursued Hagar as she walked hur- 
 riedly up Fifth Avenue were of an entirely different 
 nature. 
 
 A dozen times before she reached the hotel, the feeling 
 of guilt so encompassed her that once or twice, she nearly 
 stumbled. She kept muttering, " Good God good 
 God," and yet was unable to explain why she felt so cul- 
 pable. The only thing that lightened her burden of self- 
 ishness, was the companionable rustle of her silk petticoat. 
 It made her think of how much more fortunate, or better, 
 more wise, she was than her sister. 
 
 But for days after this, the apparition of Thatah's thin 
 figure and pale face was a burden on Hagar's soul. 
 
 And, somehow, it was this episode with Thatah that 
 brought a fuller understanding, and a different meaning, 
 to her disregard 'of Greenfield. Things seemed suddenly 
 to have become more serious, and time more valuable. 
 
 One night, when Greenfield and she were going to the 
 opera, she found it difficult to conceal any longer the fact 
 that she was getting tired and wearied of having to ap- 
 pear responsive to his caresses. 
 
 When he came into the room, and said : " The opera, 
 kiddie everyone will look at you," she had a struggle 
 to hide from him the shudder that swept through her. 
 At that moment she wished she could have bravely 
 told him exactly how she felt. Then she spied a blue 
 silk evening dress hanging in the closet; it brought to 
 her the old instinct of reasoning. With the same cold 
 weariness, she answered : " Yes, Ben." How she wished 
 she might have been free to walk up to him and say: 
 " Ben, I'm sick of fooling you. I can't hold out any 
 longer. Now, do what you please."
 
 332 , Hagar Revelly 
 
 They were to play the " Rheingold," an opera with 
 which Greenfield had become familiar, and as he left her, 
 he hummed over boyishly, the music of the first scene, 
 where the three water nymphs frolic in the deep waters 
 of the Rhine. It made him appear in her eyes even more 
 silly than before, and Hagar had to walk over to the 
 window in an effort to get him from her mind. 
 
 However, she made her toilet that evening with an 
 infinite care, reasoning there would be others who might 
 watch her. She brought her black hair low down on 
 her forehead, in a very new method; she put a little 
 extra rouge on her cheeks, and a little bit more of extra 
 coloring on to her lips, and when she put on her soft 
 grey gown, with its quivering silvery rows of beads at the 
 bodice, her happiness seemed to have come back again, 
 with the music brought on by their faint jingle. 
 
 Greenfield came in long before she had finished dressing. 
 Walking up and down the room, he looked at her with 
 proud eyes, admiring the fingers, so small, so soft and 
 well formed. There was even a feeling of envy in his 
 heart as he watched them put a strand of hair in place, 
 or fold themselves together. 
 
 When she was nearly dressed, she asked him to button 
 her dress in the back, and after he had finished, he was 
 so much enraptured he made an effort to kiss her. 
 " Whee, you are beautiful to-night, Hagar," he exclaimed, 
 exultantly. 
 
 But she drew away from him, and said : " Don't. 
 You will spoil my hair. It took me an hour to fix it." 
 
 They reached the Opera House just as an announce- 
 ment was being made that Romeo and Juliet would be 
 played, instead of the opening drama of the Nibelung's 
 Ring. One of the singers had a severe cold. 
 
 In a way, the announcement pleased Hagar a good 
 deal, as she hated Wagnerian music intensely. Besides,
 
 Hagar Revelly 333 
 
 it always made her think of her father, sitting at the 
 piano, with his shoulders humped and his head bowed. 
 
 Her mood changed completely as the performance went 
 on. Enveloped by hazy clouds of romantic thoughts, she 
 sat through the sad drama, likening herself and her lot 
 to every situation in the play. When Romeo entered 
 Capulete's palace, disguised as the pilgrim, she fell in 
 love with him, quite as soon as did Juliet. She, too, 
 became his lover, his champion, and she struggled through 
 the duel with Mercutio, and then with Tybalt, with her 
 heart beating in unison with each fiery challenge of their 
 swords. It was she who awakened and stabbed herself to 
 death with a dagger, when the fatal poison was taken in 
 the fifth act: it was her heart that bled for the unfor- 
 tunate lover. 
 
 Then, everything changed when the performance was 
 over, and the curtain descended, and she saw again the 
 sallow face and thick figure of the man at her side. 
 
 As they went down the broad marble stairs, after the 
 performance, Greenfield noticed her agitation and ex- 
 plained to her that he too felt sad. 
 
 " It is full of tragedy," he said. " It makes a person 
 think, doesn't it?" 
 
 " Yes, I should say it does." 
 
 " I was in the store the other day, and heard two mu- 
 sicians with long hair talking about it. What do you 
 think one of them said? " 
 
 " I can't imagine." 
 
 " Well, one of them, he really must have amounted to 
 something, said that it could be done in pantomime, or 
 without the acting altogether. He said it spoilt the 
 message, or something, and that to those who under- 
 stood, the music speaks plainer than all the singing. I 
 think he was crazy, don't you? " 
 
 " Well, I should say," answered Hagar.
 
 Hagar Revelly 
 
 Passing out into the street, Hagar accidentally brushed 
 shoulders with a young blonde-haired person in a dress 
 suit. The man's black clothes clung to his muscles, and 
 moved like the skin of some animal with each step that 
 he took. He was so clean looking, and his blue eyes were 
 so fresh and sparkling, she felt the impulse gather in her 
 to throw her arms around him. It had been long since 
 she had felt a quiver brought on by anybody > that had fas- 
 cinated her. 
 
 For a moment, she and Greenfield were jostled by the 
 crowd, and then she lost sight of the dark clothed figure 
 altogether. With her attention no longer diverted, she 
 looked up at Greenfield, only to see that beside the figure 
 of the blonde young man, he appeared more sallow and 
 weary than ever. 
 
 "Are you tired?" she asked. Her eyes were still 
 searching through the crowd. 
 
 " Oh, pretty tired, I guess," he answered. " We had 
 a hard day at the store. Was over to Newark. Bought 
 out a dandy bankrupt lot but we had to invoice the 
 whole stock." 
 
 Hagar had to turn away to hide her feelings, and! 
 when she looked up again, it was to see just ahead of 
 them, the carefully groomed man dart through the crowd 
 and lift into an automobile a woman in a pale blue gown. 
 
 For a moment, Hagar stood watching the woman, think- 
 ing how she would have liked to be in the man's arms. 
 Then she looked up at Greenfield again. His tie, at that 
 moment, had unfortunately crept up on his collar. 
 
 "Yes, let's go home, Ben. I feel pretty tired, too." 
 
 There was a little quavering catch in her voice, a faint, 
 wistful suggestion of her proud spirit bowing its head. 
 
 That evening at the opera, only added to the restlessness 
 brought on by Thatah. During the following days, 
 Greenfield noticed her unhappy mood many times it
 
 'Ha gar Revelly 885 
 
 was made more apparent to him by her fits of absent- 
 mindedness, her apparent lack of regard for him, even 
 when he was talking to her. 
 
 Scenting now, some possible spell of chastisement or re- 
 proach on her part, he never left her alone for more 
 than a few hours at a time, but instead, put himself out 
 to be with her, even when his business demanded his at- 
 tention. Organizing frequent shopping expeditions, he 
 would make her buy things he knew would please her, even 
 though she would not ask for them; he took her to the 
 gayer places again, Churchill's, Maxim's, a little French 
 restaurant in University Place, where he thought th& 
 lack of conventional life would divert her. 
 
 And so it was not long before she was gay and buoyant 
 again, and he was proud and pleased over his ability to 
 discern her feelings and control them. 
 
 Two or three months passed before Hagar really gave 
 him an understanding of her feelings. And then, it was 
 only to realize and become rather disappointed over the 
 fact that she had such influence over him that he was 
 powerless in her hands, and could not fight back. At the 
 very height of this quarrel, Greenfield became so excited, 
 he held his fist above her as if to strike her. And then he 
 threw his hands over his eyes, crying : " Oh, my God, I 
 can't I can't." 
 
 But Hagar had become actually tired of trying 
 to fool him. And to justify herself in her own eyes, or 
 perhaps more to have places of refuge for her guilt, she 
 began to hunt in him for possible fault. When he wore 
 a hard, stiff bosom to his shirt, she looked around and 
 compared him with the men that wore soft, finely plaited 
 bosoms; she noticed that he wore high shoes in the even- 
 ing; that his cuffs were not attached to his shirt, as she 
 saw in the advertisements. 
 
 What made her most unhappy was that she was begin-
 
 336 Hagar Revelly 
 
 ning to have a certain sort of sympathy for him. His 
 fits of sadness, into which his love for her plunged him, 
 made her feel uncomfortable and a little disgusted with 
 him, but she could not deny that she felt sorry and wished 
 that she might for the moment be able to please him, and 
 stop his worry, or better that he cared less for her. 
 
 One morning at breakfast time, Greenfield spoke what 
 had been on his mind for several weeks. 
 
 " I wish, Hagar," he said, " that you wouldn't flirt 
 with people the way you do." He remarked in as casual 
 a manner as possible upon her actions the night before, 
 with a fellow named Kettle. All evening she had sat fac- 
 ing this friend of his, and whenever Greenfield happened to 
 look up, it was to see her eyes deep in an encounter with 
 the guest. 
 
 At first Greenfield's remark made Hagar angry. Then 
 she said playfully: "You're not jealous, are you, 
 dearie ? " 
 
 " I don't like it," Greenfield answered. 
 
 This was in reality the first wedge driven against their 
 continued companionship. In the next few days, there 
 followed many little incidents, unspoken words, strange 
 sidelong glances, that stored up in their cumulative efforts 
 the beginning of the denouement. 
 
 At the table, while Greenfield was lost in some selfish 
 depiction of his own cleverness, she would watch and 
 study him; while he glowed with self-satisfaction she 
 would look at his mouth and eyes, and find in them great 
 points of displeasure. 
 
 She began to be less cautious in keeping from him the 
 idea that she was very tired of his kisses, his love-hungry 
 eyes, the monotonous trips to the restaurants and hotels. 
 
 To herself, she commenced to argue now : " He thinks 
 he owns me. Well, I'll show him." 
 
 A longing for excitement still breathed through her
 
 Hagar Revelly 837 
 
 being, but somehow what she was getting failed to sat- 
 isfy her entirely. When she stopped to look at herself 
 in the mirror, she would say : " I'm pretty young yet 
 what's the matter with me ? " 
 
 She indulged frequently now in a sort of personal sur- 
 vey of herself. In her bath, she would lie thinking; 
 while she dressed, she would question herself; and the 
 only solace she would find, would be in the sheen of her 
 silk dressing gown, or in the delicately colored underwear 
 that she could not have had other than through Green- 
 field's aid. 
 
 Greenfield came home with a bad cold in his head about 
 this time. Hagar was sitting in the bedroom reading, a 
 novel, when his violent paroxysms of sneezing at the 
 door aroused her, and when he came into the room, she 
 noticed his face was paler than usual, and his eyes bor- 
 dered by thick reddened lids. 
 
 " Your boy's got a cold, baby," he said, as he took off 
 his coat. 
 
 " Have you ? " she replied drily. 
 
 He seemed so old at the moment, and his efforts to 
 appear boyish bothered her. Greenfield noticed the lack 
 of kindness in her voice. 
 
 " You are not very sympathetic to-day, kiddie." 
 
 NO? " 
 
 He looked at her. " No," he replied. 
 
 " Oh, I'm sympathetic all right. I'm just tired, I 
 guess." 
 
 Greenfield went into the bathroom and when he came 
 back, he drew up a chair very close to her. 
 
 " I had a funny experience to-day, Hagar," he began. 
 
 " What was it, Ben ? " as she put her book down. 
 
 " Well, I was fiddling away in the office, not 
 much knowing what I was doing, when I found myself 
 scribbling away on the blotter." He paused for a mo-
 
 338 Hagar Revelly 
 
 ment. " It was very interesting, Hagar, because I hon- 
 estly didn't know what I was doing." 
 
 When he paused again, Hagar said : " Well, what are 
 you driving at? " 
 
 " I was making a plat of our friendship, Hagar 
 and I got down to the word * indifference,' before I knew 
 what I was doing. Then I pushed the thing away from 
 me, and made up my mind that I was going to be a little 
 meaner with you. And then, when I got in the elevator 
 out there, I somehow saw your little figure, and your 
 pretty face " He gave a sigh, and then added: 
 " That's all, Hagar. I've just found out what a fool 
 I am." 
 
 "What's all that got to do with me?" 
 
 He turned his eyes out of the window in a strange way : 
 " Oh, nothing, I guess." 
 
 After a time, he said : " It's gloomy in here. Why 
 don't you make a light? " 
 
 " I like the twilight," she answered. " It makes you 
 think." 
 
 " Think? 
 
 "Yes." 
 
 "Of what?" 
 
 " Oh, things," she answered rather vaguely. 
 
 Greenfield arose and stood back of her chair, regarding 
 her for a long time before saying anything. " Hagar, 
 you don't care for me in the old way," he began. 
 
 " Why do you say that, Ben? " 
 
 " I'm sure of it. I couldn't be surer of anything than 
 I am of that." 
 
 " You've no reason to say that." 
 
 She took a deep breath, as if pondering over some- 
 thing about which she had thought considerably. Then, 
 she said, quite suddenly : " No, you've no reason to say 
 that, and then I'm getting tired, anyway, of having you
 
 Hagar Revelly 339 
 
 come home every evening with a scowl on your face. I 
 don't see why you can't be pleasant." 
 
 " Well, if I'm that way, I have a reason. Remember 
 how you used to put your arms around me when I came 
 in, and how we used to kiss each other? It's not that 
 way any more, Hagar. I can't help noticing it. Why, 
 you haven't said ' good night ' to me for a week." 
 
 " Oh, well, people need a change. Maybe I'm getting 
 a little tired. You know we've been together for a long 
 while. Then you don't ever let me look at any one else 
 anyway. I guess that's it," she added. " You're so 
 jealous, I'm getting tired of it." 
 
 Greenfield grasped her hand. " Don't you understand 
 that's because I love you, Hagar? If I didn't care for 
 you, I wouldn't care what you did." 
 
 " But you are always happy when you're showing me 
 off to others," she pointed out. " You think I am some 
 sort of a toy, that walks pretty just for other people, 
 Ben. Oh, I am getting sick of not having any fun. 
 Maybe we've been together too much." She leaned over 
 and rested her chin on her hands. After a time, she 
 sighed, " I believe I ought to go away." 
 
 Greenfield had been conscious of the increasing bitter- 
 ness in her words as she argued with herself. But now 
 he was actually startled, exclaiming in tones full of anx- 
 iety : " You mean to leave me ! " 
 
 Up to this moment, Hagar had not even the slightest 
 inkling of such a desire. But now, in the instant, Green- 
 field's suspicion made a certain plan seem actually feas- 
 ible. The suggestion opened up such a wealth of pos- 
 sibilities, she wondered why she had not thought of it her- 
 self. 
 
 Now she answered his question. " No, I don't want to 
 leave you. I just want to go on a little trip. Then 
 when I come back, maybe it will be different again. I've
 
 340 Hagar Revelly 
 
 thought about it for a long time. I'd go to Paris, 
 maybe, and pick up a few clothes while I was at it. I'd 
 like to get some foreign things, anyway." 
 
 Her eyes were dancing as she worded the idea, and 
 when Greenfield came over and sat on the cushion he had 
 placed at her feet, she stroked his black, curly hair with 
 long, gentle caresses. 
 
 " Why haven't you told me this before ? " he asked. 
 " You know, I've been wondering what was wrong." 
 
 He was happy again. And Hagar worked with every 
 resource that lay in her being. 
 
 Taking hold of both his hands, she said : " I'm aw- 
 fully fon^ of you, Ben. But you know we've hardly 
 been separated for nearly a year. I've worried about it, 
 too, fearing that such a thing might kill our love for 
 each other altogether. And I didn't want that to hap- 
 pen for we've had some pretty good times together, 
 haven't we, Ben ? " She spoke wistfully, and, as Green- 
 field thought, a little sadly. 
 
 " You poor kiddie," he answered, and then, " But why 
 didn't you give me some idea of what was troubling you? 
 I worried too, Kiddie. I was afraid you weren't caring 
 for me. The other night you just sparkled when I 
 brought in young Kettle. Something came into my mind 
 that night that kept me awake for hours." 
 
 "What was it, Ben?" 
 
 " Oh, I thought well, I thought that maybe I was 
 a little too old for you." 
 
 " Foolish boy, - you don't think that, do you ? " 
 
 " No," he said, grasping her hand, " I believe I under- 
 stand you now." 
 
 That night he sneezed and coughed so continually, 
 that after a few hours, Hagar arose from her disturbed 
 sleep and fixed for him a hot whiskey, and then turned
 
 Hagar Revelly 341 
 
 on the hot water in the tub, and made him take a hot 
 foot-bath. 
 
 She was on the point of climbing back into bed, when 
 she happened to look into the bathroom. 
 
 He was half asleep, his head hung loosely on his shoul- 
 der, while the light from the single incandescent accentu- 
 ated every haggard line in his face. 
 
 She didn't go off to sleep, and when he came into the 
 room, told him she thought she would make her bed on 
 the davenport. " I believe I might catch your cold," 
 she explained. 
 
 " You're right," he answered drowsily, a little dazed 
 from the effects of the whiskey and the heat of the bath- 
 room. " I don't see why I didn't think of it." 
 
 Hagar found sleep that night impossible. 
 
 " I've got to get away," was her one thought. 
 
 It was only after she had decided not to wait much 
 longer, that she found any rest. 
 
 The subject of a trip abroad was the main topic of 
 conversation for the next few days. 
 
 " Oh, you'll be proud of me when I come back," she 
 told him. Then she would do a sweeping entree in some 
 long-trained Parisian gown, while Greenfield looked on 
 beaming, pleased with the return of her lost spirit. 
 
 A stop was put to their preparations, however, when 
 a business deal in Chicago necessitated Greenfield's ab- 
 sence from the city for about a week. 
 
 Hagar took him to the Pennsylvania Terminal amid a 
 storm of protestations, though she was more concerned 
 about the break in her own plans than about his leaving 
 her. 
 
 " Oh, I'll be back before you expect me, little one," 
 said he, and when he left there were actual tears in her 
 eyes, which he perceived eagerly.
 
 Hagar Revelly 
 
 " You poor child," he remarked brokenly, and refrained 
 from further comments lest she perceive his surging feel- 
 ings. 
 
 When the porter grasped his satchel and said : " Bet- 
 ter leave, Mister, ain't got much time," Greenfield could 
 hardly hold up under his feelings. 
 
 He took Hagar's hand, and whispered : " Well, Ha- 
 gar, don't worry, I'll be back soon." He looked directly 
 into her eyes. " Will you miss me, Hagar ? " 
 
 She breathed a faint, wondering, " Yes." 
 
 At that moment Greenfield seemed to break completely. 
 He placed both of his hands on her shoulders. 
 
 " Good-bye, darling." 
 
 " Good-bye, Ben." 
 
 "I love you, Hagar. Do you love me?" 
 
 " You know better than to ask that, dear," she an- 
 swered softly. 
 
 Resolutely turning away, he passed through the iron 
 gate, while Hagar watched his set shoulders and head, 
 and thought to herself that for a man he was taking 
 their parting rather foolishly. 
 
 When Greenfield settled himself in his seat, his temples 
 were throbbing. An ecstasy of happiness pursed through 
 his being. It seemed that Hagar was really fond of him 
 again, and a hundred times he recalled and clung to the 
 memory of the tears in her eyes, and the softness in her 
 voice as she bade him good-bye. 
 
 Throughout the entire journey, each changing bit of 
 scenery, all the quiet of the fields and meadows, brought 
 to him mystic symbols from his beloved. The forests 
 were woodlands where shepherds piped love's meditations ; 
 the little stringed ribbons of water that sparkled in the 
 sunlight, as the train rushed over them, were silvery 
 strands that carried his messages across the open coun- 
 try.
 
 Hagar Revelly 34S 
 
 For the first time in his life, he refrained from enter- 
 ing the conversations in the smoking-room, finding the 
 talk there, stupid and inane. 
 
 He was happy and exultant in his loneliness, and when 
 the train puffed its way into the Union Depot at Chicago, 
 he was queerly sorry that he could not have had a longer 
 time to dwell amidst his solitary reflections.
 
 CHAPTER XXVI 
 
 THE night that Greenfield left, Hagar sat in a rocking 
 chair by the window until nine o'clock. 
 
 Then it seemed that she could no longer endure the 
 loneliness or the emphasis of it, brought on by watching 
 the moving crowd on the street below. Since Greenfield 
 had left, she had sat wondering if she would have to spend 
 nearly a week shut up in her room in the lonesome hotel. 
 
 Her mind worked quickly, propelled by some hidden 
 yearning of which she was not even conscious. 
 
 Why hadn't Greenfield realized how lonesome she would 
 be, and planned some way out of it for her? To go away 
 without thinking of what she would endure, showed his 
 selfishness. 
 
 Immersed in a flood of thought, which soon passed into 
 anger, she went to the telephone and called for Kettle 
 at the Hotel Astor. 
 
 Luckily, he had stopped in, to change his clothes for 
 the evening. 
 
 In a moment she had explained to him how lonesome she 
 was how she had sat looking out of the window for 
 three hours that Mr. Greenfield had left for Chicago, 
 and that she didn't know why she asked it but if 
 he had nothing else better to do, perhaps he would not 
 mind stopping in to keep her from being so lonesome. 
 She added that this was the first time Mr. Greenfield had 
 ever been away from her since they were married. 
 
 Her eyes fired and her cheeks colored, as she tore off 
 her tailored suit and put on a plain evening gown of 
 dark grey silk. In the one-half hour she took to dress, 
 
 344
 
 Hagar Revelly 345 
 
 her heart vibrated harmoniously and her mind sang songs 
 she had never known existed. Nor did she stop to ask 
 herself the reason for this feeling of light-hearted- 
 ness. 
 
 " A gentleman in the parlor, Mrs. Greenfield," the 
 telephone operator whispered. 
 
 "I'll be right down." 
 
 In another moment, she had finished her (dressing anii 
 walked gaily to the elevator. 
 
 Kettle stood in a corner of the parlor, awaiting her. 
 When he greeted her, he held her hand a little long, 
 looked into her eyes very deeply, then said : " I'm so 
 glad you thought of me in your lonesomeness, Mrs. 
 Greenfield." 
 
 He had looked deep indeed into her bright eyes. In 
 five minutes, she thought they would go out to some cafe, 
 as he suggested. It was best after all that they should 
 not stay in the hotel, because 
 
 " I understand," he smiled. " Let's go out to a little 
 bohemian place I know of. You'll like it there, and I'm 
 nearly starved." 
 
 It was so good to be with him. He didn't treat her 
 quite as kindly as did Greenfield, but that was only a re- 
 lief. There was a deference in his manner, and a certain 
 tone in his words, which immediately made her feel close 
 to him. 
 
 When he helped her into the cab, he did it as if he 
 knew how. And though there was a moment when his 
 arm was quite about her, she did not mind it in the least 
 he did it in so careless a manner, she was sure he was 
 unconscious of it. 
 
 In the cab, he didn't speak of Greenfield, and he did not 
 flatter her and compliment her, as Greenfield did. In- 
 stead he talked of different things, an interesting man 
 and wife episode that had just come to his ears, a de-
 
 licious bit of intimate gossip concerning a star at one 
 of the Broadway theatres. He talked so well, dwelt so 
 lightly upon the most intimate gossip, slithered so com- 
 pletely over any chance for her embarrassment, that she 
 felt comfortable and happy in his companionship without 
 once searching for the reason. 
 
 When Greenfield had talked this sort of thing to her, 
 she remembered his eyes would sparkle, as if he were 
 proud of the privilege of being the only one who could 
 talk of intimate things to her. And yet this man said 
 much the same things, only Kettle, it seemed, was really 
 made unhappy by being compelled to mention anything 
 that might make her feel uneasy. 
 
 Hagar thought over this comparison all the way to 
 Thibeau's. 
 
 When they reached the little Frenchman's place, Ket- 
 tle took her up the narrow stairs to the second floor, 
 where many small tables had converted a front bedroom 
 into a dining parlor. 
 
 They were greeted by M. Thibeau, who recognized 
 Kettle at once. 
 
 " Ah, bon soir, Monsieur. Je suis heureux de vous 
 voir," he said, as he bowed them to a little table set in an 
 alcove. 
 
 After they were seated, and the proprietor's assistant 
 had very graciously placed upon the table the plates, 
 knives, forks and spoons, the polite Monsieur explained 
 to them that just that day had some elegant escargots 
 been obtained. 
 
 For a moment Kettle and the man indulged in a con- 
 versation concerning the dinner, while Hagar looked upon 
 her companion with admiring eyes. It was the first time 
 she had ever had for a friend one who spoke a foreign 
 tongue. 
 
 As the waddling little Frenchman made his way to the
 
 Hagar Revelly 347 
 
 kitchen, Hagar exclaimed gleefully : " Oh, isn't this 
 just great ! " 
 
 " I come here often," Kettle replied. " There's some- 
 thing cheerful about this place. And then you hardly 
 ever meet any one." 
 
 " You come here alone? " she questioned. 
 
 "Sure. Why not?" 
 
 " Oh, I shouldn't think any one would want to go about 
 alone. It's so lonesome." 
 
 Kettle pulled his chair closer to the table, and in the 
 dim light from a flickering candle under a red shade, he 
 looked steadily at her. 
 
 *' I wonder if you know what it means, Mrs. Green- 
 field, to be in a place like this, where everything is so 
 quiet and so charming. You know I'd rather come here 
 alone than bring some one who'd spoil the harmony of it. 
 To me, coming here is like getting into a bed of rose 
 leaves now, I wouldn't want to deaden the fragrance 
 of the place by bringing in a sunflower, or a daisy, would 
 I?" 
 
 She saw instantly the subtle compliment. 
 
 " So, thinking I belong in this flower-bed, you bring 
 me?" 
 
 " Exactly." 
 
 " Well, you say it very nice," she laughed. 
 
 " Oh, I mean it," he answered, and she noticed that he 
 had suddenly become very serious. 
 
 After there had been nearly a minute of silence, broken 
 only by his steadfast gaze into her eyes, she said : " I 
 would like to come to this sort of place oftener." 
 
 "Why don't you?" 
 
 Hagar thought for a moment. " Oh, he always wants 
 to go to the big hotels, and parade me in front of the 
 gang." 
 
 "Who do you mean?"
 
 348 Hagar Revelly 
 
 " Why Ben Mr. Greenfield." 
 
 " And you don't like that? " 
 
 She hesitated before she answered him. " Well I 
 suppose I " then she blurted on with her little jaws 
 set hard, " No, I hate it. This is the kind of thing I 
 like." 
 
 The waiter brought in a big tray, filled with many lit- 
 tle dishes; small sardines, cold liver, onions, radishes, and 
 sausage. 
 
 After the man had arranged the tray on the table, 
 Kettle asked him to bring some caviar. 
 
 "What did you just say to him? " Hagar asked, eager 
 to pick up a word of French. 
 
 " Oh, I told him to bring some caviar, along with the 
 hors-d'oeuvre." 
 
 "With the what?" 
 
 " The hors-d'oeuvre those things." He pointed to 
 the numerous little trays. 
 
 " Oh, I see," she cried. 
 
 She didn't really understand, but felt that she couldn't 
 show before him any greater ignorance than he had al- 
 ready discovered. At that moment she was even a bit 
 ashamed of herself, and wondered why this suave, clever 
 man should be attracted to her. 
 
 " Of what are you thinking? " he asked, as he saw 
 her gazing, vacantly. 
 
 " Oh, forgive me. I was just thinking I've got 
 a lot to think about." 
 
 Kettle regarded her beautiful eyes, her quaint, child- 
 ish mouth, for what seemed to Hagar an interminable 
 time. Then he said : " You mustn't chink too much, 
 child. You might change the current of things. You 
 know everything goes along all right, if we only leave it 
 alone."
 
 'Hagar Revelly 349 
 
 He was smiling at her kindly. She could see how white 
 were his well-formed teeth. 
 
 "Don't you think so?" he asked. 
 
 She thought a moment, then replied honestly : " Oh, 
 it's too deep for me. But it seems that there are so many 
 worries, that if I just let things go alone, I get to worry- 
 ing, thinking I ought to do something about it, or ought 
 to worry more than I do. You know what I mean? " 
 
 " Sure," he smiled. Leaning over the table, he 
 touched her hand gently. " Let's get a bite," he said 
 earnestly. " I really haven't eaten anything since three 
 o'clock." 
 
 And for fear that he might observe that she had al- 
 ready eaten, and not wishing to spoil their dinner, she too 
 began eating, as if she were very hungry. 
 
 He exclaimed : " We're both pretty hungry, aren't 
 we?" 
 
 " I should say we are." 
 
 " How'd you like to eat here every night, like this ? " 
 
 " It would certainly suit me all right," she replied, 
 looking up from her food. 
 
 In good crisp French, Kettle ordered a quart of cham- 
 pagne of some special vintage, which made the waiter 
 smile and say : " Oui monsieur oui monsieur," several 
 times. 
 
 " You'll drink a little, won't you, Mrs. Greenfield? " he 
 asked, after the waiter had disappeared through a door 
 at the back of the room. 
 
 " Why, I don't mind," she answered. 
 
 The dinner passed along nicely. The wine dulled the 
 process of preliminary acquaintance, the food justified 
 the practical side of their being together. 
 
 " You know, people don't know how to live," he re- 
 marked, as he finished a toast to the evening. " They
 
 350 Hagar Revelly 
 
 fret and bother, and only hunt for situations that will 
 make them miserable and unhappy. When they come 
 across a little fun, they hunt up all the things that might 
 happen, and they worry about that end of it so much, 
 that when they really do anything a little out of the 
 ordinary, it is more like a task than anything else. 
 
 " They think about it too much, and then, of course, 
 they have to carry off the job just like anything else 
 that is planned." 
 
 " You think people ought to go ahead, then, and do 
 whatever they just happen to think of? " A vague sug- 
 gestion of Paris was floating in her mind. 
 
 " Why, yes. If they think of it, then it is all over. 
 They wouldn't be happy unless they'd go do it." 
 
 Hagar was silent for a long time. " I believe you are 
 right," she said at last. 
 
 Kettle helped her to another glass of wine. 
 
 " But let's not talk of life," as he raised his glass on 
 a level with her eyes, and proposed a toast : " One never 
 gets any place. We'll just be happy!" 
 
 She looked across the table at him. He was so kind 
 looking, and his eyes seemed so soft and gentle, although 
 there was about his mouth an expression of sadness that 
 played back and forth around the corners. However, 
 this added to his manner a good deal of strength. Then 
 she noticed how well he was dressed. His shoulders 
 seemed so narrow and boyish, and his white collar fitted 
 him so snugly, and was so close together in front. 
 
 She was deep in reverie, when a question from Kettle 
 startled her although she had been conscious of his 
 eyes for a long time. 
 
 " I wonder if you are happy, Mrs. Greenfield," he asked 
 earnestly. 
 
 She looked at him, a little puzzled. 
 
 "Why do you ask?"
 
 Hagar Revelly 351 
 
 " Oh, I don't know. I just am interested, I guess." 
 
 Kettle saw her face cloud, and then settle into less 
 happy lines. " Well, I suppose I am happy some- 
 times." 
 
 Gently he took her hand, remarking : " I'm sorry. I 
 didn't mean to make you unhappy by asking that." 
 Then he loosened his grasp very suddenly. 
 
 " Oh, it's all right," Hagar said quickly. " I just 
 haven't got very good control of my feelings, I guess. 
 And I " she looked away from him " I have a lot of 
 things to make me unhappy, if I stop to think of them." 
 
 "What are they? Tell me?" He leaned across the 
 table. 
 
 " Oh, I can't tell them offhand." 
 
 Her eyes fell to where she was gradually unravelling a 
 silken cord that hung twirling from the wine list. A 
 strange feeling was swelling and receding within her. 
 
 Kettle kept politely away from her. His only show 
 of affection had been the one gentle touch of her hand. 
 It made Hagar wonder, in a bewildered way, if he didn't 
 care any more for her than that. She wondered why he 
 had jerked away from her so suddenly. 
 
 " Is it that you don't want me to know ? " she heard 
 him say. 
 
 " Oh, I I do want you to know." 
 
 He said a little heavily : " You mean that ? " 
 
 Then he beckoned with his eyes to the waiter for an- 
 other bottle of champagne. As he turned to her, he said 
 again : " You mean that ? " 
 
 " Yes, I guess I do," she whispered. Her voice was 
 full of resignation and weariness, as though she were tired 
 of some inward struggle. 
 
 " Then tell me." 
 
 " Oh, that's not so easy." 
 
 " Tell me, child."
 
 352 Hagar Revelly 
 
 "Well oh, I can't tell you." 
 
 He leaned over and seized her hand somewhat roughly. 
 "You've got to tell me." 
 
 " Well you know well, I'm not married to oh, 
 God ! I can't say it ! " 
 
 . . . Hagar reached the Malvern Hotel at three 
 o'clock the next afternoon. 
 
 " I've been out to New Rochelle," she told the clerk. 
 " Some friends took me out in a machine." 
 
 When she reached her room, she sat by the window until 
 dusk. 
 
 Back and forth she rocked, taking deep, slow inhala- 
 tions from a cigarette. 
 
 There had come a change in her life. Something per- 
 plexing yet good a rift in the lute.
 
 CHAPTER XXVII 
 
 THE following letter Hagar received on the third day 
 after Greenfield's departure: 
 
 " My darling Girl : 
 
 I've got the dickens to tell you. It's this: I won't be East 
 for three weeks, possibly four. Just this morning, I received 
 a long wire from the old man, who says that I must go to 
 'Frisco immediately, even if I leave things rest here until I 
 get back. A big department store out there, is going out of 
 business, and he thinks it's a great chance to buy at less than 
 forty cents on the dollar. What can I do? You know how I 
 feel about it, kiddie. I miss you more than I can tell. At 
 night everything is so empty, and I get so rotten lonesome. 
 This is my last trip, you can bet on that. 
 
 Now, you might think that you could join me, and that we 
 could have a lovely time, going out to the Coast together. 
 Well, darling, you know I would do that if I could. But I'm 
 known out there, and you can understand they know I'm 
 not married. Anyway, it might make a fuss, and maybe queer 
 things. So here are my plans: I am going to make up for be- 
 ing such a bad boy. Listen. Since it may be nearly a month 
 before I get back, I want you to pack up and get over as 
 much of that Paris stunt as possible. You can do all that you 
 want in six weeks, counting going and coming, and then I'll 
 only have to be alone in New York for a couple of weeks after 
 I get back. I don't believe I could stand it much longer than 
 that, anyway. You know what New York is in the summer 
 time. 
 
 I know you will think these plans O. K. You must send 
 me a letter every day, or a night wire, and of course, a tele- 
 gram when you sail. As you see, I am here at the Annex now. 
 My address will be c/o St. Francis Hotel, San Francisco. 
 
 353
 
 354 Hagar Revelly 
 
 As for money, I will write immediately and tell the Bank 
 to fix up a letter of credit for you for one thousand dollars. 
 How's that? Now, how much do I think of my little baby? 
 
 Be sure and write me right away to 'Frisco. Also, don't 
 forget the telegram. 
 
 Your lonesome boy, with love, 
 
 BEN. 
 
 P.S. I think maybe I'll make it for twelve hundred. 
 
 Take one of the Hamburg-American boats, as we talked it 
 over. I hear they've got a band on them. Just now the bell 
 boy brought me a folder. The Kaiserin Augusta Victoria sails 
 the 0th, and the President Lincoln, another pretty good boat 
 (I just called up the agent and he says it is very good, and not 
 as expensive as the Kaiserin) sails the 24th. Let me hear. 
 
 You don't know how hard it is, to feel that we are both 
 going farther away from each other. Kiddie, I never knew 
 how much I missed you until now. It has set me to thinking 
 a lot. We've been together a long while, and know each other 
 pretty well, don't we? And I guess we get along pretty well, 
 considering everything. Well, when I get back, I'm going 
 to speak to you about something. My guess is, it will sur- 
 prise you a lot. But I can see now what kind of a life I was 
 leading before we went together. Can you guess what I 
 mean ? " 
 
 How she studied over it. In her mind was the question 
 as to whether his goodness to her should make her stop 
 her perfidy, or whether it was not now an easier thing to 
 simply follow the plans he laid out for her. 
 
 Somehow, she wished she had received that letter before 
 going with Kettle. But now what action could make 
 it right? His weakness seemed all of a sudden a strange 
 argument against her taking advantage of him. Like a 
 huntsman she felt, who will not kill a bird unaware of his 
 presence a few feet off, but who hesitates not at all to kill 
 a score on the wing. 
 
 It would not be very difficult to leave Kettle. But
 
 Hagar Revelly 355 
 
 somehow, his clever attentions seemed to bring out some- 
 thing big and honest in Greenfield's crude ways. 
 
 For the whole day, she stayed in her room, trying to 
 decide. Back and forth she reasoned. Was it right 
 to take the money, just after she had been so false to 
 Greenfield? Then, what good would any money do 
 if she did not lie to him? After all, she only wanted to 
 leave, because he was bori~c her. And if he didn't give 
 her the money, she wouldn't be able to go. Would she 
 not be foolish to let a chance like this slip by? Why 
 couldn't she take the money, have a good time in Paris, 
 and then come back? Everything would be just the same, 
 then, and if Greenfield would give her these trips once in 
 a while, maybe she could hold out with him. That was a 
 point she had never considered. It was really Greenfield 
 whom she was doing a favor. 
 
 Hagar thought of Paris now more pleasantly. She 
 saw that she had been a fool to worry about it, even to 
 hesitate. It was a good deal like what Kettle had told 
 her, about people who spoiled their pleasures for them- 
 selves. 
 
 It would be wonderful to go to Paris. She would go 
 to the best hotel, to the opera, people would look at her 
 and wonder who she was, always alone. Maybe she 
 wouldn't always be alone ... A soft voice, en- 
 ticing, alluring, came to her as she pondered, as if blown 
 along on the crest of the evening winds ; and it said : 
 " You fool, take advantage of the opportunity. Who 
 knows what Paris will bring? Maybe " 
 
 Still thinking, Hagar went out on the little stone bal- 
 cony and looked at the blue sky, fading 4nto grey. Her 
 thoughts seemed to bring her into a limitless space, where 
 torrents of ecstasy were bursting tumultuously over her 
 in some giant waterfall. Standing there in the open air, 
 she felt queerly thrilled.
 
 356 Hagar Revelly 
 
 Hagar was never busier than she was the next day. 
 Having retired quite early, after telling Kettle she could 
 not see him, she was very fresh and determined, and fol- 
 lowed Greenfield's advice to the letter. By noon time 
 she had booked her passage and drawn the money, as he 
 suggested. A letter by special delivery had already 
 reached the Bank from Greenfield. 
 
 The afternoon she spent in numerous fittings of a 
 mauve colored travelling suit, which she bought ready- 
 made in a Fifth Avenue shop. 
 
 It was four o'clock in the afternoon when she reached 
 home, but she began packing immediately. Exultant 
 and happy, she danced about the room. " I'm going to 
 Paris, I am going to Paris." Each bit of clothing, as 
 she placed it in the large cabinet trunk, sent back an 
 echoed reply. 
 
 By the night before she sailed, everything had been 
 attended to. And to make sure that nothing would hap- 
 pen to her letter of Credit, she placed it in the bottom of 
 her trunk, under some old shoes. Even then, she felt so 
 uneasy about it, she made an extra trip to Hoboken, to 
 see if the trunk had arrived at the docks. 
 
 The steamer sailed at ten o'clock in the morning. 
 They told her it would be a good idea, to be on the safe 
 side, by getting on the boat much earlier, around seven- 
 thirty or eight o'clock. 
 
 So she planned to go to bed very early, and finished her 
 dinner by seven o'clock. 
 
 And only after Hagar had reached her room, and 
 found herself unoccupied for the first time in three days, 
 did she think of Kettle, and feel that she had not been 
 fair to him. 
 
 She was rather glad, then, when a bell boy brought up 
 a message from him, written on the hotel paper.
 
 Hagar Revelly 357 
 
 " I'm downstairs. I can't understand what's come over you. 
 Come down, or I'll come up." 
 
 The boy was hardly out of the room before the tele- 
 phone bell rang. 
 
 " What's wrong? " he asked. " Will you come down, 
 Hagar?" 
 
 " I've been so busy. Where are you ? " she answered. 
 
 " I'm downstairs. Shall I come up ? " 
 
 " Oh, you ean't come up, but if you'll wait, I'll come 
 down." 
 
 " Why haven't you seen me ? " 
 
 " Oh, really, I've been so busy. I'm going over I'll 
 tell you when I come down." 
 
 She paused for a moment, not knowing whether she 
 was really happy after all at hearing from him. Some- 
 how, she wanted to be quiet, in the darkness of the room, 
 wanted to think and dream of the trip. 
 
 Her hat was not yet on, when a knock came at the 
 door. Thinking it was the maid, she said : " Come in." 
 
 Kettle quietly opened the door, came over to her, folded 
 her in his arms for a heavy, passionate embrace, and then, 
 quite as nonchalantly, took off his gloves and laid them 
 on a chair with his hat and cane. 
 
 " I couldn't see the use of hanging around down there 
 in the parlor with Ben in 'Frisco," he laughed. 
 
 " I think he gets there to-night," she answered. " But 
 you shouldn't have come up. I don't think it's good 
 policy, do you? He's such good friends with the clerks." 
 
 " Oh, it's all right. You've got a sitting-room here, 
 anyway. They couldn't say anything." 
 
 " You don't know, Ben," she answered. 
 
 He thought she said it rather derisively, while to Ha- 
 gar's mind there came a thought that it would have been 
 impossible for her to go to bed so early, anyway. She
 
 358 Hagar Revelly 
 
 added: "But, really, I'm awfully glad to see you, just 
 the same." 
 
 " I tried to get you a dozen times yesterday and the 
 day before. They always said you were out." 
 
 " Yes, I know. I've been busy getting things ready." 
 
 "Ready?" 
 
 " Yes, I'm going to Europe." 
 
 "To Europe? Good heavens! What next? Are you 
 really?" 
 
 " Surely. Going for about six weeks or so." 
 
 Kettle was too astonished to speak for a full minute. 
 
 "Why what's become of Greenfield?" 
 
 Hagar explained everything to him, even telling how 
 guilty she felt by taking Greenfield's money. When she 
 had finished, Kettle seemed very disappointed. 
 
 " I thought you were going to stay in town this sum- 
 mer. I'll miss you," he said dejectedly. 
 
 While Kettle talked to her, he noticed that she was 
 very restless, going to the window and gazing in an ab- 
 stract way. At last he said : " You've certainly been 
 acting queer, Hagar. And now you're so restless. 
 What's the matter with you ? " 
 
 She turned to him, exclaiming suddenly : " Oh, I don't 
 know. I just wish you'd go downstairs. Somehow, I 
 feel nervous having you up here." 
 
 He took his cane and hat. " As you say. Where 
 will I meet you? " 
 
 " Down in the parlor. I'm sorry, but I believe I'd 
 feel better." 
 
 Just for a moment he looked at her. Then he put 
 his arm around her. " My God, child ! " he exclaimed. 
 " A man could be trampled on till his bones were dust 
 by some other woman, yet there's something in you that 
 would make him do over again all the ghastly things." 
 
 At that moment came Greenfield tired, anxious, up
 
 Hagar Revelly 359 
 
 to the desk of the office downstairs. He greeted the 
 clerk: "Hello, Charlie." 
 
 " Why, Ben ! I thought you were going to 'Frisco. 
 Your wife just told us that to-day." 
 
 " Changed my mind. Couldn't stay away." He 
 laughed a little shamedly, and then asked if Mrs. Green- 
 field was in the room. 
 
 The clerk looked around, on to the high cabinet-like 
 key rack. " Guess she is the key's not here. Have a 
 good trip? " 
 
 " Well, fair. Lost out on a big job lot in 'Frisco, 
 right at the last minute. Don't know as that I'm sorry, 
 though." 
 
 The clerk gave an order to the porter about sending 
 the grips up to the room. 
 
 " Oh, better wait say five minutes," said Green- 
 field, blushing like any schoolboy lover. " I just want 
 to surprise her." 
 
 He went into the elevator. 
 
 " Howdy, Mr. Greenfield," grinned the black-faced ele- 
 vator boy. 
 
 " Howdy, Clarence." 
 
 " Thought youse 'ud be in 'Frisco by this time." 
 
 " Changed my mind, Clarence." 
 
 "Yessah, yessah. Fif floor, Mr. Greenfield." 
 
 Ben Greenfield walked hurriedly and softly down the 
 padded carpet to his door, and was on the point of open- 
 ing it when a thought struck him that it would be a 
 greater surprise to Hagar, if he came in through the bed- 
 room door. And so, very gently, he walked back and 
 unlocked the door at the other end of their suite. 
 
 For a moment he stopped to better control himself, 
 and then tiptoed to the curtain leading into the parlor. 
 " She'll be in the rocker by the window, I'll bet a dollar," 
 he said to himself.
 
 360 Hagar Revelly 
 
 He pushed aside the curtain. 
 
 Outlined against the glare that came in through the 
 window from an electric sign upon a near-by building, 
 there were two figures in a close, silent embrace. 
 
 One impulse after another crowded in upon Greenfield's 
 devastated senses. 
 
 Then he silently crept back into the bedroom. They 
 had not noticed him. With a smothered cry he threw 
 himself across the foot of the bed. 
 
 In the next room, the figures in the dim light were 
 parting. 
 
 " I'll be in the parlor," said the man. " Hurry." 
 
 ** I'll be down in just a minute," she answered. 
 
 Possibly premonitions are exact combinations of 
 thought molecules, possibly there is some psychic force, 
 some moral, psychic life that presupposes the integrity 
 of the brain. At least, there came to Hagar, as Ket- 
 tle left her, a renewed feeling of impending calamity. It 
 seemed to be at its height the moment she shut the door 
 after Kettle. 
 
 And it was in a state of bewilderment and daze, of 
 blind walking into tragedy, that she went into the room 
 where Greenfield lay sobbing on the bed. 
 
 She was not startled by his presence. She even gave 
 no sign of inward disturbance. It may have been the 
 feeling of guilt, which, like a narcotic, had dulled her 
 senses. 
 
 For a minute, she stood at the side of the bed, regard- 
 ing him. When he sat upright, and cried : " Good 
 God," she turned and silently went over to the dresser. 
 
 ** Now, don't make a scene," she muttered. " Control 
 yourself." 
 
 She told herself that he would do her no harm. He 
 was too afraid for himself and of consequences. In that 
 second of reflection, she even lost a little respect for
 
 Hagar Revelly 361 
 
 him when she realized that he had been too cowardly to 
 assault the other man. 
 
 " Who was he tell me ! " he cried at her, hoarsely. 
 
 "Didn't you see him?" 
 
 " No, it was too dark." 
 
 " Then I won't tell you." 
 
 " You damned " 
 
 The telephone gave a thin little ring, and like a lost 
 waif in a storm, made its way into the room. 
 
 Greenfield jumped up and ran to the 'phone, while Ha- 
 gar did not move. "What's the use?" she was think- 
 ing. 
 
 At the 'phone, he cried : " Well, what is it ? " 
 
 Even Hagar could hear the little brass voice : " Is 
 this 521?" 
 
 "Yes, 521." 
 
 " Mr. Kettle left his gloves. He says to bring them 
 down when you come." 
 
 Greenfield dropped the receiver and turned on her sav- 
 agely. 
 
 " So it's Kettle ! " he screamed at her. " Oh, to think 
 I never even suspected " 
 
 There was a little sneer on Hagar's face as she turned 
 away. " I have nothing to say. You thought you'd 
 play a trick on me. You see what you get." 
 
 Then she turned on him savagely. 
 
 " And I swallowed your story whole. I suppose I 
 would have believed you if you said you were going to 
 Honolulu." She snapped her fingers defiantly in his face. 
 " However, I care that much," she remarked with the 
 action.
 
 CHAPTER XXVHI 
 
 HAGAE'S show of defiance completely overwhelmed Green- 
 field. For many minutes he was unable to word any one 
 of the thoughts that came rushing into his brain. His 
 face had become woefully haggard, his eyes circled by 
 rings that were more than ever yellowish and discolored. 
 
 " I'm going down to see Kettle," he said, as he found 
 his way to the door, while Hagar stood silently by the 
 window, not a muscle of her body betraying the anger and 
 passion she felt. He had tricked her, she reasoned, and 
 her sense of self- judgment at that moment was as im- 
 pervious as a steel casket. 
 
 It was the end. She saw that plainly. And she did 
 not regret it. It had only been toleration on her part 
 that had kept off just such a climax through all the 
 months. 
 
 For a time she stood perfectly rigid, wondering what 
 would happen to Greenfield, and then as he failed to re- 
 turn, and nearly an hour passed, she became nervous, 
 and turned on all the lights in both rooms. 
 
 When she could stand it no longer, she went to the 
 'phone and managed to rouse the sleepy operator. 
 
 " Is the clerk there ? " she asked. 
 
 " The clerk lives in Harlem," came the answer. 
 : What's the matter? " 
 
 " Oh nothing." 
 
 Of what good was it to tell her troubles to the sleepy 
 operator? 
 
 Greenfield, drunken and sotted, came struggling into 
 the room about three o'clock. He managed to gain 
 
 362
 
 Hagar Revelly 363 
 
 the bed, and then threw himself across the white cover, 
 utterly collapsed. His collar was torn off, his eyes were 
 bloodshot, his face bruised, where he had evidently fallen 
 to the pavement. 
 
 Hagar stood looking at him. And then, when he be- 
 gan to moan, she ran to the window. The faint grey of 
 dawn was beginning to peep up behind the Times Tower. 
 
 Her path lay ahead of her, cleared and free of all ob- 
 stacles. When she actually realized how simplified mat- 
 ters had become, she was even a little startled. He was 
 drunk, it would last until noon at any rate. She would 
 sleep a couple of hours, dress, get a cab, and be off 
 for Paris. After all how lucky ! 
 
 In a moment she had flung off her greyish tailored suit 
 and undone her lustrous black hair. Then she took a 
 pillow from off the bed, and lay down upon the couch in 
 the parlor. 
 
 At six o'clock she awakened spontaneously. The sun 
 had already penetrated into the room and she drew the 
 curtains down to keep out the light. Then, to reassure 
 herself, she slipped into the bedroom. But Greenfield 
 lay snoring in an anesthetic-like stupor, his senses still 
 drowned by the frenzied drinking in which he had in- 
 dulged. 
 
 In a half hour, she had bathed and dressed, and packed 
 her hand satchel, ready for departure. It was like a 
 thief in the night that she stole out of the room, and 
 she was already near the elevator when a troubling 
 thought beset her that made her turn back. She re- 
 membered that she had not stopped to see, at the very last 
 moment, whether or not he was breathing. Supposing 
 that he had drugged himself, taken an over-dose, perhaps 
 would she not be accused, if they found him dead ? 
 
 This thought sent her back in a frenzy of fear and in- 
 decision. She crept back to the room, and nearly flung
 
 364 Hagar Revelly 
 
 herself upon Greenfield's breast to listen to his heart. 
 
 Though his snoring was stopped, he was breathing 
 regularly and deeply. 
 
 " What in the world is wrong with me ? " she ques- 
 tioned aloud of herself, wondering if at the last moment 
 she was losing her nerve. 
 
 Again, she was in the hall, near the elevator, when she 
 turned back a second time, actually deciding that it was 
 not right, to her conscience, that she leave him without a 
 word of parting. She wanted to start her journey with- 
 out any conscience burdens. 
 
 Hurrying into the room, she scribbled off at the writ- 
 ing desk, a note : 
 
 " I am leaving. Goodbye. You should never have deceived 
 me so; it might have gone on all right, otherwise. But it's all 
 over now. Anyway, I thank you for the money." 
 
 " That will teach him a lesson," she muttered to her- 
 self. He'll think I care." 
 
 She put the note in his half-folded fingers, and after 
 an instant of reflection, which ended with a kiss on his 
 forehead, she ran out of the room. 
 
 At ten o'clock the big steamer was groaning its passage 
 through the waves, out into the open bay, while Hagar, 
 alone in the confines of her gloomy little cabin, was won- 
 dering why she felt so unhappy. 
 
 But her feet were keeping accurate time with the in- 
 harmonious measures that came down to her from the 
 German band on the upper deck.
 
 CHAPTER XXIX 
 
 HAGAR'S trip across the ocean was a dull affair. For 
 four days on end, rain and dripping fog submerged the 
 ship and its passengers in a heavy gloom. Then a period 
 of rough weather followed, quite as unrelenting in its 
 pursuit of the plodding steamer. 
 
 On the afternoon of the fifth day, she attempted to 
 go into the larger salon, but a spell of sea-sickness pro- 
 hibited this diversion. Until the day they were entering 
 port, then, she lay in her little cabin feeling that she 
 would die of inertia and illness, unless calm weather 
 came. 
 
 When she stepped out upon the upper deck for the 
 first time, she was pale-faced and weak. And after half an 
 hour, illness compelled her to go back to her bunk again. 
 As she lay there, gazing dully at the wooden bottom of the 
 unoccupied berth above her, she felt lonelier and more 
 forsaken than she had been for many months. It seemed 
 that some one were punishing her for being so antici- 
 pative of this trip to Paris. 
 
 However, late in the afternoon, her feelings improved 
 so much that she dressed and again went upon the deck. 
 
 And now was brought some color into the unceasing 
 array of drab. 
 
 The deck was slippery, and as she stepped out upon 
 it from the narrow doorway, she might haVe fallen had 
 not some one at her elbow caught her by the arm and 
 steadied her. 
 
 Then her rescuer said : " It's a head wind, and the 
 
 deck is like a skating rink." 
 
 365
 
 366 Hagar Revelly 
 
 When she had recovered from her momentary fright, 
 she responded to the man's courteous assistance. Look- 
 ing at him with a smile, she said, very softly : " You 
 are very kind. I really might have hurt myself." 
 
 He tipped his cap to her and started off in company 
 of two others who had stood by waiting for him. 
 
 On the promenade that lasted for nearly an hour, the 
 man passed her a dozen times, with his eyes speaking 
 acquaintanceship each time as he passed. When she sat 
 down to rest in one of the deck chairs, it was only a mo- 
 ment before he was by her side. 
 
 "Do you feel all right?" he askecl. 
 
 " Oh, yes. I didn't hurt myself," she replied. 
 
 Rather hesitatingly, he went on : " It's cold for this 
 time of the year, isn't it? " 
 
 " Yes, it is," she responded kindly. 
 
 While Hagar felt inwardly pleased that some one had 
 come along to whom she could talk, the man was actually 
 startled to find such beauty in his discovery. Her pale, 
 soft face, outlined so enticingly through the folds of her 
 filmy white veil, and her chin buried deep in the grey furs, 
 gave her an appearance of piquant charm and grace that 
 held him speechless. 
 
 For a moment he stood silently at her side. " You 
 must have just got on the boat," he then managed to say, 
 with a broad smile. " I haven't seen you until to-day." 
 As he settled himself into the chair by her side, he added : 
 " I guess that is my misfortune." 
 
 " Probably just the opposite," she laughed back, in a 
 gay, soft musical tone. 
 
 Before a half hour had passed, the man at her side was 
 looking into her eyes and telling her, with silent messages 
 from his own, of all the ardour and affection that lay in 
 his being. 
 
 It was. just as the bugle was sounding for dinner, that
 
 Hagar Revelly 367 
 
 he in a very casual way, asked if her husband would be at 
 the dock to meet her. 
 
 " Why, do you think I'm married ? " questioned Hagar. 
 
 " Oh, you are alone." 
 
 " You should be more discerning," said she. " Any- 
 way, if you will look on the register, you will see that I 
 am still a Miss." 
 
 " I beg your pardon," he laughed. 
 
 Then she said: "Oh, I am just running over to buy 
 some things. I am quite alone." 
 
 Her reply very evidently pleased him. 
 
 "Where do you intend stopping, if I may ask?" he 
 ventured. 
 
 " Why, I really don't know. Where is a good place? " 
 
 Hagar had forgotten that discretion was necessary on 
 this broad highway. Perhaps she cared very little about 
 it. And the man, being a denizen of the world, misunder- 
 stood her credulity for the subterfugic innocence of the 
 adventuress. Though his tones lost none of their gal- 
 lantry, his manner changed. 
 
 " I'm going to the Meurice," he said blandly. " Go 
 there and register, and I'll look you up for dinner. We'll 
 do Maxim's afterwards." He looked into her face. 
 "How's that?" 
 
 " I think that will be very nice," she replied. 
 
 " My name is Morgan Best in case we should miss 
 each other," he added. 
 
 Hagar was leaving the tender the next morning, before 
 she asked herself if she should have done differently. 
 However, she felt rather happy about it, and realized that 
 a terrible lonesomeness would have assailed her, had she 
 not some one whom she knew, awaiting her. 
 
 The ride through the open country was very tedious 
 and hot, and it was night before she reached Paris. 
 
 She could hardly realize that she was actually in Paris,
 
 368 Hagar Revelly 
 
 Her dreams, her most avaricial fancies had taken a def- 
 inite form, had come true ; a new vista was open to her, 
 whose horizon was beyond a distance to which her mind's 
 eye could carry her. 
 
 A porter placed her bag beside her in a fiacre, and the 
 vehicle started off. 
 
 Sitting motionless in the little carriage, her body bent 
 forward, her feet propped up on the cushioned seat op- 
 posite, her fingers clasping and unclasping regularly, she 
 became lost in the strangeness of her surroundings. As 
 she passed through the narrow streets, with its rows upon 
 rows of iron-shuttered windows, fear and anticipation be- 
 came intermingled in her. The voices of the passers-by, 
 the clatter of the horses' hoofs on the wet pavement, 
 seemed to breathe to her an air of romance, or of mystery. 
 
 There was invitation in the fog-bedecked entrances of 
 every passing cafe, she clothed in garments of unreality 
 every .petty gar9on, every newswoman on the street cor- 
 ner. Overawed, exultant, and again queerly saddened, 
 she sat on the worn cushion seat until she reached the 
 front entrance of the Hotel Meurice, which like some 
 gaunt shadowy silhouette, confronted her in the fog. 
 
 For a minute there was some excitement; more porters 
 than necessary helped her from the carriage; the sump- 
 tuousness of the corridor bewildered her. But it was a 
 relief to find that every one spoke English. After a 
 moment, it took even a stretch of her imagination for her 
 to realize that she was not in the Astor or the Waldorf. 
 
 Hagar had already bathed and dressed, and was lying 
 upon the bed, when the telephone gave a short, emphatic 
 ring. 
 
 She jumped up and took the trumpet-like instrument 
 from off its hook, a little puzzled to know which end she 
 should put to her ear. 
 
 " Yes, hello ! " she cried.
 
 Hagar llevelly 369 
 
 " Well, Miss Revelly, you see your boatman is prompt." 
 
 How thankful she felt to hear the voice of someone she 
 knew. 
 
 When they met in the ladies' parlor, the man seemed 
 quite like an old friend. 
 
 For supper they tried Marguery's, and afterwards, 
 sought a weird Cafe Chantant in the Latin Quarter. 
 
 But somehow, the evening moved along sluggishly. 
 She felt moody and tired, while a thousand thoughts 
 bothered her. At midnight, when he proposed Maxim's,, 
 she asked that he take her back to the hotel. And 
 the man, disappointed, even a bit disgusted to think he 
 had anticipated so full an evening, and gathered so little, 
 was quite willing to follow her bidding. 
 
 "I'm sorry we rubbed the wrong way," he said, as he 
 seated himself beside her in the cab. 
 
 " I am, too," she replied wearily. " I don't know what's 
 wrong." 
 
 " I guess you're tired." 
 
 " I suppose that's it." 
 
 But when they reached the hotel, with its brilliant 
 lights reflected between the rows of marble columns, she 
 became more animated again. It showed in her eyes, and 
 he noticed it. 
 
 " I'll tell you what we'll do," he said, as if taken by a 
 sudden idea. " I've got a parlor, so it's all right with 
 the hotel, and you just come up. We'll have a glass of 
 wine and a cigarette. I can look over the whole Tuileries 
 Gardens from my room. Will you ? " 
 
 She thought for a moment. Somehow^ she felt no 
 affection for this man. The evening had bored her. So 
 what sense was there in prolonging it? She answered; 
 " No, I think I'll go to bed. See you to-morrow." 
 
 " As you say," he replied. 
 
 However, when she reached her room and realized the
 
 370 Hagar Revelly 
 
 loneliness, and saw with a startling understanding that 
 she had not an acquaintance or friend in Paris beside this 
 man, she decided upon a change of her plans. 
 
 The strange noises that came up from the street, and 
 the queer babble of the maids and bell boys from the hall- 
 way, seemed to emphasize her lonesomeness. 
 
 She reasoned for only a moment, before she threw an 
 opera cape over her shoulders and went down into the 
 restaurant. 
 
 " Bring me a bottle of wine," she told the English- 
 speaking waiter. 
 
 " Would Madame desire a dry wine, or perhaps a sweet 
 champagne? " 
 
 " Oh, bring me anything you want," she hurled at him 
 " Pommery I guess." 
 
 The waiter paused to again question her, but she 
 waved him off. 
 
 That night the degree of Hagar's understanding took 
 a new plunge. For nearly the first time, she saw the 
 exact meaning that had come with the past month. She 
 was getting older, and what had she accomplished? She 
 couldn't count as very much gained the small amount of 
 money Greenfield had given her. After all, that was only 
 an episode. And at hand was there not just the begin- 
 ning of one more episode, alike in every detail, to the one 
 with Kettle, or perhaps with Greenfield? There was 
 nothing sure about her future, if she went on like this. 
 And since she didn't dare go back to Greenfield, who else 
 would there be after this man? What else was there to 
 do anyway? 
 
 Immersed in her self-interrogation, Hagar was startled 
 to find Morgan Best standing at her elbow. 
 
 " You look like you'd lost your best friend," he com- 
 mented. " Come now, what's wrong? I thought you'd 
 be deep asleep by now." He looked at his watch. " And
 
 Hagar Itevelly 371 
 
 here I find you drinking wine alone. What's the 
 matter? " 
 
 " Oh, I'm lonesome," she answered suddenly. 
 
 " That's pretty good," he laughed. " You dismissed 
 me half an hour ago." 
 
 " I know it. I wanted to go to bed. But I couldn't 
 stand it up there. Oh, I don't know what's wrong." 
 
 He drew up a chair to the table, and beckoned to the 
 waiter for a menu. 
 
 " You poor child," he said kindly. " If you had been 
 in this town as much as I have, you'd know what's wrong. 
 There are too^many people around that seem gay. That's 
 it. That always makes one think they are less happy 
 than anyone else." 
 
 He laid the card down upon the table, with some 
 finality. "I'm going to cheer you up. I'm going to 
 make you go over to Maxim's and then to the Bal Taberin 
 and if that won't do it, we'll take a ride in the Bois by 
 moonlight." 
 
 He had such a decisive way with him that Hagar gave 
 in. It was past four o'clock in the morning, when she 
 flung herself into bed, after a round of seemingly every 
 cafe in town. Best was a very pleasant fellow, after all, 
 and did not in any way show a desire to become more than 
 passingly friendly or intimate. 
 
 Hagar saw him every day for nearly a week. It was 
 something new to her understanding, to find a man ap- 
 parently satisfied to dine with her, and yet not show a 
 desire for greater acquaintance. Only at times did she 
 feel that her innocent manner was making him hesitate. 
 
 But one night, after they had been gayer than usual, 
 he grasped her in his arms and told her that he loved her, 
 at the same time proposing that they dine together in his 
 room to which she consented after a good deal of 
 reluctance.
 
 372 Hagar Revelly 
 
 " And I want you to wear something soft and blue," 
 he told her. " We'll have the evening all to ourselves." 
 
 Full of anticipation, Best arranged an elaborate menu 
 for the next night. He told himself that his patience 
 would be rewarded. 
 
 His chagrin was deep, therefore, when on the next day, 
 about an hour before the time of Hagar's coming, the 
 telephone operator announced a visitor. 
 
 It was a blow. The man was an old friend from 
 America, whom he had not expected until the following 
 day. It seemed difficult to tell him that he could not see 
 him until to-morrow, and when Miller Jarvis came into the 
 room and grasped his friend's hand, Best was quite deter- 
 mined not to be robbed of his evening's pleasure. 
 
 But the man was so sober and serious looking, Best 
 faltered in his purpose for sometime. 
 
 He was fairly tall, perhaps five feet ten or eleven, but 
 his height was accentuated by a certain gauntness of 
 body; though he was not bony, there still lurked in his 
 frame some hidden strength, some strange definiteness of 
 purpose that became immediately apparent a direct 
 contrast to the suave manner of Best. His dark eyes, 
 rather thin lips, and wide, high forehead, gave to his 
 whole appearance a sense of mystery and dignity, that 
 put Best, who had not seen him in some years, ill at ease. 
 
 " Well, well, Miller, how are you ? " Best cried, study- 
 ing him. " How are you? " 
 
 Jarvis greeted him very friendly, although he seemed 
 uncomfortable as Best's debonair manner became more 
 apparent. 
 
 For half an hour they exchanged stored up confidences, 
 and went over with eagerness, on the part of Best, and, 
 evident seriousness on his friend's side, the discussion of 
 past escapades.
 
 Hagar Revelly 373 
 
 While they were talking, Miller told how his sister had 
 met death by some accident ; a little huskily, he said : 
 
 " It was hard to bear, Morgan. She was the only 
 woman in my life, for whom I ever cared a straw." 
 
 " Why haven't you married in the long stretch of 
 time? " asked Best. 
 
 Miller replied : " They don't want an old codger like 
 me, my friend." As he spoke, he regarded Best's well- 
 dressed figure. " They want an Apollo like you, Morgan, 
 and some soft-spoken words in their ears they want to 
 be told of the humming birds that flutter in the gardens 
 of Elysee, and all that. I never was a good hand at that 
 sort of thing. Anyway they don't want a cowboy for a 
 husband." 
 
 " You'll get caught, however," commented Best, " be- 
 cause you believe in marriage. I think you'd like to be 
 harnessed." 
 
 " What makes you think that? " 
 
 " Oh, I don't know. You seem so serious now. I 
 wonder what's happened? " Best wondered too, if now 
 was the time to inform his friend of his inopportune en- 
 gagement. 
 
 The man laughed. " Oh, Montana is trying to send 
 me to Congress. That's enough to make any person 
 serious." 
 
 " Then you'll have to get married," said Morgan. 
 
 " How about you? " asked Jarvis. 
 
 " Oh, I never will. I'm too fond of my freedom. I 
 woudn't marry the prettiest, cleverest woman in the world 
 for about five years, anyway. But you are different, 
 Miller," he added. " I think it would do a lot for you 
 make you President of the United States, or something 
 like that." 
 
 They both laughed heartily at Morgan's statement.
 
 374 Hagar Revelly 
 
 " All right, I'll marry then, for political reasons," said 
 Miller, taking a cigar that Best offered him. 
 
 And now Best undertook to tell his friend of the small 
 dinner party that had been planned. 
 
 He painted in lurid words the expected outcome of the 
 affair. 
 
 " She's a strange creature," he went on, " and the 
 remarkable part of it is, that we are going to have this 
 little tete-a-tete when I haven't done more than take a 
 harmless kiss from her forehead. But to-night, my, 
 friend . . ." 
 
 His ecstasies ceased as a knock on the door announced 
 the coming of a fat-black-haired gar9on, with the advance 
 guard of linen and silver. 
 
 After he had left, Morgan continued : " But I'm in a 
 quandary about you. It seems a shame for us not to be 
 together your first night in Paris, and I know it would 
 queer things if you stayed very long. It would get late, 
 you know " 
 
 '* How foolish you talk," Jarvis interrupted, at the 
 same time taking hold of his hat and gloves. " I'll go to 
 my room. I've got a lot of letters to write. Surely you 
 need not worry about me." 
 
 But Best insisted, after a moment's hesitation, that he 
 stay for dinner. He could make his exit after the little 
 feast, and it would be quite the same. 
 
 After much argument, Miller agreed to stay. Best 
 seemed rather proud now that he should have the chance 
 of meeting Hagar. " She is a radiant beauty, old man," 
 he said. " I really do want you to see her." 
 
 So it was that Hagar found the two men awaiting her 
 in the soft twilight of the little parlor, and as she per- 
 ceived the second figure, she gave a sudden start, and 
 paused, with downcast eyes. She had dressed as Morgan 
 wished.
 
 Hagar Revelly 875 
 
 A long, clinging robe of smooth, blue material, partly 
 veiled by a silvery beaded shawl about her shoulders, 
 made her seem as nearly ephemeral as the moon's rays 
 that came in through the square, paned doors, leading on 
 to the balcony. At her breast, a small cluster of violets, 
 threw into daring relief the paleness of her face, and the 
 lustre of her black hair. 
 
 Best saw her hesitate and quickly rose to greet her. 
 
 As he grasped her hands, he said : " You are so good 
 to come." 
 
 Then he turned to his friend. " Miss Revelly Mr. 
 Miller Jarvis, an old friend that I knew in the West, in 
 my camping days." 
 
 Hagar bowed and smiled gently. But there was in her 
 a great feeling of anger and rebellion. What was this 
 man doing? Why had Morgan kept him? Was it to 
 show her off? 
 
 Dimly conscious, however, that Best was watching her 
 and waiting for an answer, she said, as sweetly as 
 possible, " I'm so glad to meet you, Mr. Jarvis." 
 
 The meal was set upon a small table, placed near the 
 large double windows. And after their cigarettes and 
 cordial, Best drew up to the window a large cushioned 
 divan. 
 
 " Let us sit here and look out of the window," he 
 said. 
 
 Then a very strange thing happened. Hagar's eyes 
 were fastened on Morgan's friend, and try as she could, 
 there was something about the man's strong face that 
 made it impossible for her to change her glances. All 
 through the dinner, she had listened with interest to his 
 soft, low-spoken words, and his stories about hardships 
 and endurance. And now, when he arose to go, she dis- 
 turbed Morgan Best by her strenuous objections. " I 
 wish you would stay," she begged directly of Jarvis, while
 
 376 Hagar Revelly 
 
 Best, who was arranging the divan with pillows, began to 
 see the possible outcome of his blithe anticipations. 
 
 For a moment he realized that there was hardly a way 
 out of it. For each excuse, made by Miller, was met by 
 a strange impetuous demand on Hagar's part that he 
 stay. 
 
 " Yes, I want you to stay," she said firmly. " Of 
 course you're not spoiling the evening. Mr. Best wants 
 you, too." She called to Morgan : " Don't you ? " 
 
 What could he say? Resignedly, lost in a peculiar 
 contemplation of the person whom he had looked upon as 
 a woman of the world, Best submitted. 
 . That night, Hagar lay awake until the vegetable carts, 
 with their loads of Paris rations, rattled through the 
 streets. 
 
 She couldn't understand what had come over her. 
 With each spoken word of this tall, thin man, she had felt 
 a yearning for quiet and peace, that puzzled her. 
 
 He seemed to fill her with a desire to be good. In her 
 imagination she pictured herself being taken care of by 
 some one like him, and living quietly, and trying to make 
 him happy. A man like Jarvis could give her a home, and 
 take away all the little worries. 
 
 Somehow, all in the instant, she decided to win him. 
 A new free life, people who would know nothing about 
 Greenfield or Herrick what a chance! 
 
 As she lay dozing, Hagar offered up a dozen prayers, 
 because Best knew nothing of her former life, and had not 
 entered upon any intimacy with her in their short ac- 
 quaintance. 
 
 The next day she met Morgan Best in the lobby, and 
 he questioned her closely. He was somewhat angry, and 
 in the queer vernacular of the worldly man, told her she 
 had " gone back " on him. 
 
 Hagar made no direct reply to his accusation, but after
 
 Hagar Revelly 377 
 
 a moment of hesitant self-questioning, said to him in a 
 low whisper that very much startled him : " I have fallen 
 in love with your friend." 
 
 " You have fallen in love with him ! " 
 
 " Yes," she replied bravely. 
 
 He looked at her curiously. 
 
 " Well, you're a funny child." 
 
 " I'm sorry. I can't help it," she answered slowly. 
 
 A little quizzically, Best said: "But, I can't under- 
 stand. You mean you're seriously in love with him? 
 He's old enough to be your father." 
 
 " I can't help that. I don't know what it is. I never 
 felt for anyone else the way I do for him." 
 
 Best laughed. " Well, I suppose I must tell him, then? " 
 
 " If you want to," she answered. " If you don't I 
 suppose I will." Then she went on : " It's no use for me 
 to explain. You wouldn't understand. You look at 
 women as we do well, our powder-puffs, for instance. 
 Use us, and then when you get what you want, put us 
 back in our little boxes for some other time. He's dif- 
 ferent. Oh, if you only knew how sick I am of all of 
 it!" 
 
 " Supposing, little one," the man said, half tauntingly, 
 " that he doesn't care for you ? " 
 
 " I'll make him care for me," she replied decisively. 
 
 That evening, when he met Miller for dinner, Morgan 
 Best told him all that had happened. 
 
 " She's fallen in love with you, old man," he said 
 resignedly. 
 
 Miller laughed boyishly. 
 
 "But she has, all right." 
 
 "Well, I'll have to get her out of the notion, I 
 suppose." 
 
 " Why not go ahead? " suddenly thought Best. 
 
 "Why? Because she's your lady, I guess."
 
 378 Hagar Revelly 
 
 Only after a time was Miller convinced that Hagar 
 was in earnest with her sudden avowal. 
 
 They both laughed about it, but the next morning, 
 when Miller was alone in his room, he thought of Hagar 
 and himself, and of his life so devoid of the diversions of 
 other men. 
 
 At night he took Hagar to dinner, and, in his presence, 
 found she was a transformed being. She was demure, 
 eager, nai've, petulant, like a child. Every move of her 
 hand, every gesture, spoke of innocence. 
 
 " I wouldn't know you to-night," he said to her kindly. 
 " You're so different. Mr. Best said " he hesitated, 
 wondering why he could not word his thought differently 
 " that you would be glad to go to dinner with me." 
 
 " He told you the truth," she stammered, while her 
 dark eyes rested on him. 
 
 He searched her face in turn. 
 
 "Little girl," he hesitated, "you wouldn't find any 
 fun with a sad lot like me." 
 
 Had she not controlled herself, she would have burst 
 out into a wild depiction of her longings, of her desire 
 to lead a new life. But she saw this would necessitate a 
 confession of her past. So she contented herself with 
 the simple statement that she liked very much his grave 
 manner. 
 
 They had a quiet, pleasant evening together, and on 
 parting, the same wild beatings in her heart, and the 
 strange thoughts and resolves in her mind, were still 
 with her. 
 
 After Hagar left him, Jarvis went upstairs to Best's 
 room. 
 
 " Well, did you have a good talk to-night ? " asked 
 Best. 
 
 " I found her a charming little woman," Miller an- 
 swered.
 
 Hagar Revelly 379 
 
 "She is an interesting sort, isn't she?" Best looked 
 quizzically at Miller, then went on : " In all the time I've 
 known her, she hasn't so much as given me a Hiss, volun- 
 tarily." He spoke with a knowing air. " But I know 
 she goes in for that sort of thing. You can't tell me she 
 doesn't. She must have suddenly determined to be good, 
 I guess change her game, or something along that line. 
 Why, I never saw any one act so contrary to first im- 
 pressions." He reflected a moment, saying half to him- 
 self, " And I told her a story about my not thinking of 
 getting married. So, she couldn't have had a plan like 
 that in her mind with me." 
 
 " Maybe you don't understand women," Miller an- 
 swered. 
 
 " Maybe. At least, I knew I couldn't let her under- 
 stand that I was even suspicious. I know this much: a 
 man can't let a woman know that he understands her. If 
 he does, she will never have in him after that a place of 
 refuge for her vanities. That means life to most women." 
 
 "You do know women, don't you? With your knowl- 
 edge you ought to have a lot of them falling to their 
 knees for you." 
 
 " You know me better than that. But there is no reason 
 why this girl should not be more true to herself. Why, 
 you ought to have seen how wise she was on the boat. 
 She didn't even know the name of a hotel in Paris." 
 
 " Maybe that was innocence," Miller protested. 
 
 " Oh, I don't know I don't know. At least, since 
 you have come on the scene, something has determined 
 her to land you. Maybe it is the family in financial dif- 
 ficulties." 
 
 "And if there is?" 
 
 " Well, that's her game, then. She's determined to 
 land something over here. It wouldn't be the first time 
 such a thing happened in Paris."
 
 380 Hagar Revelly 
 
 Miller smiled. " You don't know her. Your life has 
 been too superficial, Morgan. All of us have the right to 
 our ideals, and their fulfilment. I've had mine," he went 
 on reminiscently. 
 
 " Yes, work your head off, get old for an ambition, and 
 when you will get it, you will have lost all ability to 
 enjoy it." 
 
 " Which may be true. But if I lived your life I'd go 
 crazy, realizing that each day had been only a selfish one 
 for amusement. No, I believe I've solved the problem; 
 the joke of life is too great too colossal, to look at it 
 in a whimsical fashion." 
 
 " You are too serious, Miller," remarked Best. 
 
 We've got to be serious to get on," Miller continued. 
 " I believe the whole secret is in finding serious expression 
 for our inner motives and yearnings." 
 
 They were silent for a time, Best remaining in his chair 
 by the little smoking table, while Miller walked over to 
 the window, and glanced down on to the street. 
 
 As he leaned slightly over the window ledge, he said: 
 " Morgan, see all those people down there ? Well, I'm 
 one of them, and if I lived your life, I'd feel somehow that 
 I was cheating." 
 
 " Yes, I know how seriously you take the proletariat, 
 Miller. It will make you a Senator some day, if you 
 keep it up." 
 
 " No matter where it takes me, I'll get happiness out 
 of it," exclaimed Miller, leaving the window for the 
 moment and coming over to the smoking table. 
 
 " Why, you don't know how friendless people really are. 
 They have no one to be sad about, except themselves, and 
 they don't have enough understanding to fake to them- 
 selves an appreciation for inadequate objects. Yes, I 
 feel the thing, and if I get a little saddened by doing so, 
 it is only because my own good luck and happiness are
 
 Hagar Revelly 381 
 
 emphasized by their misfortune. It's enough to make 
 any one humble." 
 
 " How about the women down there, who are walking 
 the streets? I suppose you have a bond of friendship 
 for them, too ? " 
 
 " Poor little creatures, most of them are mentally 
 more virtuous than their sisters who promenade the Bois 
 on Sunday mornings." 
 
 " I don't understand," exclaimed Best, now really in- 
 terested for the first time in his friend's half soliloquy. 
 " You think them virtuous ? " 
 
 " Virtue and purity are names that are not understood. 
 Is not the girl of seventeen who loves, and loving, gives, 
 at the height of her purity? You will say she was 
 before, perhaps ; but I tell you virtue is not like a piece of 
 rubber that you may stretch, and give the different angles 
 different names. Oh, no, the virtuous woman is always 
 virtuous virtue is not an affair of the body, it's an 
 affair of the mind. It's only the degree of suffering that 
 differs." 
 
 " You mean virtue and truth are the same ? " 
 
 " Yes. Virtue, purity and truth have the same mean- 
 ing. The woman of the streets is ofttimes of greater 
 purity of mind than the clever woman who hides her 
 throbbing mental subterfuges behind the curtain in her 
 boudoir. And these lies are called virtue by her friends. 
 Yes, Morgan, nowadays it is only hypocrisy that the 
 world calls virtue." 
 
 He turned to his friend, who had been listening atten- 
 tively to his preachment. 
 
 " Am I not right ? " he asked pointedly. 
 
 " Oh, it sounds right the way you say it except that 
 you are too sad over it, and life is too short for that." 
 He sighed deeply. " I am like Gautier, I guess not 
 being able to prolong my life forever, I'd rather die of
 
 Hagar Revelly 
 
 pleasure than of old age. Didn't he say he was too well 
 acquainted with the emptiness of everything around him 
 to be eager for very long for any one thing? 
 Yes, that's the way I feel about it. Then, what is the 
 use of reasoning, anyway? Reason is only an argument 
 to keep you from doing what you most want to do. I 
 just stay happy if I can. Some day, I suppose the 
 cloistered part of my soul will go careening to the skies, 
 with the rest of my less worthy self, just the same." 
 
 " And so, that's your mission in life, is it ? " asked 
 Miller. 
 
 " Oh, well, if you want to call it a mission. To me it 
 seems more like a kind of philosophy to pull one through 
 the big game. However, you can certainly preach, 
 Miller." Best walked out onto the little balcony. " I 
 don't know about the Senator so much, now," he called 
 back. " You ought to be a minister." 
 
 Miller waited until he came back into the room, then, 
 rather earnestly, looked directly into his friend's face. 
 " You know, Morgan," he began, " if I told you what my 
 mission was, you'd laugh at me. And yet it has as much 
 philosophy in it as your remark." 
 
 " Tell me." 
 
 " Well, it is a strange idea. But what I should like to 
 do, beyond all else, would be to make people less happy. 
 The majority of people are too gay, too happy over 
 trivialities. I would make them see the tragic environ- 
 ment in which they live, make them think and understand, 
 and realize the situation more fully. In other words, 
 make them less happy, because if one looks at the per- 
 spective of life without any studying of its make-up, one 
 is bound to be unhappy. 
 
 " If they felt this way, it might make them understand 
 how unstable and upon what flimsy material is life builded 
 and they might stop to thing of someone else beside
 
 Hagar Revelly 383 
 
 themselves, might stop to do some good for someone else. 
 
 " Happiness is the most selfish emotion in the world. 
 Every other emotion that you may name takes someone 
 else into consideration ; but one can be happy quite alone, 
 even over the misery of someone else." 
 
 " You are thinking of me? " interjected Best. 
 
 " No, I'm not. Since we started talking on this sub- 
 ject, I'm only voicing my attitude towards this sort of 
 thing. This is what other people call my sadness, I sup- 
 pose. But I am only trying to prove to you, Morgan, 
 that it is the only real kind of happiness possible."
 
 CHAPTER XXX 
 
 HAGAR saw Miller Jarvis every day after their dinner 
 together, and while he found her a delightful companion; 
 without any great amount of intellectual store, he also 
 saw in her a strange gift of intuition, which always put 
 him instantly at ease. She seemed to divine his thoughts 
 nearly, as she would sit and listen to his talk with wide- 
 open eyes. Never in his life had he encountered so sym- 
 pathetic a companion. He was actually beginning to 
 grow fond of her, and often wished he could return the 
 love which she so openly confessed for him. 
 
 However, there was something indescribable that de- 
 terred him from having absolute confidence in her. He 
 could not word the thought, and would even feel at the 
 moment, that he was doing her injustice; but a half dozen 
 times or more, when he had been studiously silent, gazing 
 on her features, he would see a sudden change come over 
 her face, a transformation in every line, as if her mask 
 had been thrown off. And in these moments, he would see 
 cruelty and bitterness, instead of the childish trust, which 
 was her usual expression. 
 
 He grew to watch for these times, and it was not long 
 before he found that instead of becoming more infatuated 
 with her innocence and goodness, or more engrossed by 
 her affection for him, he was using her as a study, or a 
 model, for the solving of this new human problem. 
 
 The days passed on without Hagar making any great 
 headway, and as he seemed to become more disinterested, 
 she decided to take a decisive step. 
 
 Instinctively she felt that he was doubting her, and 
 
 384
 
 Hagar Revelly 885 
 
 though he continued so courteous, and showed a willing- 
 ness to be with her constantly, he never changed his treat- 
 ment of her to one that was more loverlike. 
 
 " Do you trust me? " she asked him one evening. 
 
 " My dear child," he answered, " of course I do." 
 
 " And you know I am just the way I am? " 
 
 He looked at her steadily. " I don't quite under- 
 stand." 
 
 " Oh, I mean if you believe in me ? " 
 
 " Surely, I do." 
 
 " Then why do you act so kind to me all the time, and 
 gentlemanly? We've been together enough." 
 
 " Well," he replied nervously, " you are alone here in 
 Paris. I'd be a poor sort, wouldn't I, not to recognize 
 that?" 
 
 She turned the subject off into other channels, but that 
 night she stood for long minutes in her room, saying to 
 herself, " So that's it." He had realized her state of un- 
 protection, and would not take advantage of it. For a 
 moment it made her angry with him. Surely he was more 
 foolish than other men. 
 
 Then she thought that perhaps he doubted her on the 
 same grounds. Why hadn't she thought of an expla- 
 nation before? She was, indeed, alone in Paris, without a 
 friend to whom she could introduce him, and her only ex- 
 cuse for that was a quest for some gowns. It was time, 
 she told herself, that she fixed it up. 
 
 Up to this period, she had hardly thought of Thatah. 
 But it was only a moment later that she sat down at the 
 desk, and with a controlled desire to shout for happiness, 
 impulsively penned off a letter to her sister. 
 
 Dear Thatah: 
 
 You are coming to join me. I am here in Paris, Hotel 
 Meurice, as you see above. I will explain when I see you. It
 
 386 Hagar Revelly 
 
 is important that you do this, Thatah. I am in too big a hurry 
 now to explain. Only you must come. Bring your best things 
 and be prepared to stay two or three weeks. I'll meet you 
 here at the station. You must come, you must it is the 
 most important thing that has ever happened to me, and you'll 
 be as happy about it as I am. I wait word by cable, telling 
 me the name of the steamer. 
 
 Your affectionate sister, 
 
 HAGAR. 
 
 P.S. As soon as I get your cable, I'll cable back $250. 
 Get a dainty tailored suit of some kind. Spend $75 on it, 
 and take the first steamer you can get. 
 
 That night, over a small, ebony-hued coffee in the grill 
 of the Meurice, Hagar quite casually, and apparently 
 most undesignedly, told Miller that she had just received 
 word that her sister, who at the last moment had found it 
 impossible to join her, had written that she would come 
 over in a few weeks. 
 
 " You can't imagine how relieved I'll be when she 
 comes," Hagar explained. " When I came over, it was the 
 first time in my life I was ever away alone. Why, I never 
 came up on deck until the last day, I was that frightened. 
 Mr. Best can tell you." 
 
 It made her heart cry with joy when she perceived a 
 look of approval spring into the eyes of the man beside 
 her.
 
 CHAPTER XXXI 
 
 WEARIED by the continual struggle, Thatah was on the 
 verge of forsaking the unresponsive idealism to which she 
 had so long clung, and of yielding to Graveur's prosaic 
 offer of marriage, when Hagar's letter came. 
 
 She had felt herself a creature of ill fate for a long 
 time. Through all her observations and analysis she 
 could see no loophole of escape, no possible opportunity 
 for realization ; all was drab, the usual order of the undi- 
 versified, monotonous ; she experienced no longer the mag- 
 nified petty emotions. Hagar's letter found her tired, 
 calloused, complaisant, and willing to bend her head in 
 submission. 
 
 How it hurt her to realize this no one knew. Even the 
 passing of one day into the next, which had always 
 brought her such poignant unhappiness, troubled her 
 very little now. She did not love Graveur at all, though 
 there was a certain comfort in knowing he cared for her. 
 When she realized that instead of excitement and happi- 
 ness, she was looking forward now only to being com- 
 fortable, she would shut her eyes to it, and reason that 
 she had no right to expect anything more from life. 
 Every woman, she decided, must come to understand that 
 some day. 
 
 The letter from Hagar came to the office of the Opera, 
 and as Thatah hastily tore open the envelope, she ex- 
 claimed to her employer : " Why, it's a letter from my 
 sister ! " Then she saw the Paris postmark. 
 
 " I didn't know your sister was in Paris," said Graveur. 
 
 "I didn't either," she answered. 
 
 387
 
 388 Hagar Revelly 
 
 He observed that she seemed completely bewildered by 
 the knowledge. 
 
 Thatah read and re-read the impetuous scribbling, re- 
 peating it over to herself, and wondering about different 
 bits of the letter. All day she thought about the course 
 she should pursue. At last she sought Graveur for 
 advice. 
 
 "What am A to do?" she asked. "She says I must 
 come, that it is most important." 
 
 " Do you want to go ? " he questioned. 
 
 " I don't know," she said, perplexedly, experiencing 
 at the moment a feeling of elation at the very suggestion 
 of a trip to Europe. 
 
 Graveur looked at her, and as if he suddenly under- 
 stood, said : " Perhaps I can do without you for a few 
 weeks, Thatah." Then he sought her eyes, saying : " I 
 will do without you, Thatah, if you wish it." 
 
 She muttered : " You are so good to me." 
 
 " I am very fond of you," he answered, and immediately 
 outlined a plan to teach the stenographer her different 
 duties. 
 
 Thatah thought of the matter the whole night, but the 
 next day found her quite as far away as ever from a de- 
 cision. However, she did inquire about the sailing of the 
 different steamers. It was now Wednesday, and on Sat- 
 urday one of the moderate priced steamers of a German 
 line was sailing. Knowing this, brought her nearer to a 
 decision than she supposed, and Friday found her, all 
 breathless with expectancy, with little Edric at her side, 
 and Graveur trudging along with a grip, hurrying up the 
 broad gang-plank of the vessel. 
 
 A few hours later, amidst the groaning and creaking 
 of the vessel as it left the dock, she sailed for Europe. 
 
 Standing upon the upper deck Thatah caught a last 
 glimpse of Graveur, as he ungraciously squeezed himself
 
 Hagar Revelly 389 
 
 nearer the railing. She waved a kiss to him, then held up 
 little Edric's hand, crying : " See, dearie, wave to Mr. 
 Graveur," and she took the pudgy little fist and shook it 
 up and down in the direction of the fast disappearing 
 figure on the wharf. 
 
 Seven days later, after a voyage that brought back to 
 her cheeks some of their lost color, and to her soul a good 
 deal of her former beliefs and hopes, she made out 
 Hagar's figure in the crowd that came up on a tender, as 
 the boat steamed into the harbor at Cherbourg. 
 
 Finally, the tender was manoeuvred into position and 
 Thatah went down the stairway into the restless little 
 boat alongside. Hagar had not perceived her until she 
 ran up, quite close to her. She could hardly believe that 
 the phantasy of her thoughts should have really taken 
 life, and brought Thatah to her. 
 
 " Oh, Thatah," she cried, " you dear. I'm so glad, so 
 glad!" 
 
 " I was afraid you wouldn't get my cable," exclaimed 
 Thatah, at the same time noticing the wonderful gown 
 Hagar wore, and the heightened color upon her lips and 
 cheeks, which went beyond any effect brought on by the 
 salt air. 
 
 For a moment, both stood looking at each other, quite 
 unable to speak. 
 
 Then Hagar gave Thatah's hand another squeeze. 
 " You are a dear to come. I was so afraid you wouldn't." 
 She went on rampantly : " Oh, Thatah, I've got news, such 
 wonderful news. I'm so happy and I've been good, 
 too. You wouldn't know me. But you'll understand 
 later on." 
 
 They were squeezed by the crowd, and there was much 
 noise about, and Thatah, too completely puzzled to in- 
 trude a remark, intended to let her go on talking. 
 
 But, at that moment, the stewardess, who had brought
 
 390 Hagar Revelly 
 
 little Edric from the tender, moved a little closer to 
 Thatah, and Hagar, for the first time, noticed the pretty 
 round face of the boy. 
 
 Her lips parted, she gripped the arm of Thatah in a 
 vice-like hold, and not a vestige of color remained in her 
 face beyond that of the artificial coating. 
 
 " My God ! " she whispered, as if not daring to word 
 her suspicion, " Thatah, is is that Edric ? " As 
 she searched Thatah's face for answer, the mask of white 
 covered her own even more emphatically. 
 
 Then the woman at Thatah's side wanted to know if 
 she should still remain, while the baby, with its blonde 
 mass of hair and great blue eyes, showed a desire to get 
 into Thatah's arms. 
 
 " Edric? Why, Hagar, of course, that's little Edric," 
 said Thatah, giving the youngster an affectionate glance. 
 " You didn't expect me to leave him alone in New York, 
 did you ? " 
 
 Hagar gave a wild stare into the crowd, and as she 
 failed to answer, Thatah became alarmed. " Why, 
 Hagar, what's the matter? " 
 
 " Oh, my God ! I didn't think of him." 
 
 " I don't understand. Isn't it all right ? Why do 
 you take it so hard? You you need not let him 
 know." 
 
 Hagar turned to her. " Who know?" she exclaimed, 
 Pondering why Thatah should be aware of Miller Jarvis. 
 
 " Why," replied Thatah, " Greenfield, I suppose." 
 
 " Greenfield ! " The words were started from Hagar's 
 throat in a coarse, heavy laugh. " Why did you think 
 Greenfield was here with me ? " 
 
 Thatah, more bewildered than ever, looked at Hagar. 
 " Why, Hagar, of course I did. What else could I 
 think ? How else could you get here ? " 
 
 Hagar's lips were pressed thin for a moment.
 
 Hagar Revelly 391 
 
 "What did you think I wanted you for, Thatah?" she 
 asked on. 
 
 " I didn't know. Your letter was imploring, Hagar. 
 I just came any way." 
 
 " And you thought that it was something concerning 
 Greenfield and me ? " 
 
 " Of course I did." 
 
 One of the attendants from the boat came up and gave 
 them some directions about landing. 
 
 As soon as he left, Hagar began earnestly : " I'll tell 
 you the truth, Thatah. I want to do it before we go 
 any farther. This is the funniest thing I ever heard of. 
 We're older now, both of us, and I've learned a good deal 
 in the last year or so. I've learned the world doesn't 
 care much what happens. In fact, everything just 
 happens and you've got to get the most of what falls to 
 your lot. That's one of the reasons I'm here. I used 
 Greenfield a little bit. He paid my way over and 
 that's all. Everything is a thing of the past between us 
 now." 
 
 "You mean that you are alone here?" 
 
 " Sure." 
 
 " And that you're not going back to him? " 
 
 Hagar nodded her head. 
 
 " What about a divorce then ? " 
 
 "A divorce? A divorce from whom?" 
 
 "Why, from Greenfield." 
 
 Hagar broke into a laugh, saying loud enough for 
 those close to her to hear : " Why, you silly. I'm not 
 married to Greenfield." 
 
 They were nearing the shore now. Passengers were 
 crowding against the railing, hunting for relatives or 
 friends, the white-coated porters were gathering together 
 the luggage in their charge, a bass voiced official was 
 shouting an order, while another tall man in a blue coat
 
 392 Hagar Revelly 
 
 was giving orders to some tourists of the Cook Company. 
 But the sisters did not change their position. Entirely 
 oblivious of their surroundings, they both stared hard 
 into the countenance of the other. 
 
 , " You lived with him, and never married him ? " Tha- 
 tah said in a whisper. 
 
 Hagar shook her head. Very carelessly, she answered : 
 " Yes, that's it. I lived with him for nearly a year, and 
 then I got sick of him, and fixed it so I could come over 
 here." 
 
 She took Thatah's hand. " Listen, Thatah," she com- 
 menced, " we can't stand here talking like this, even 
 though there is so much to say. I'm pretty much upset. 
 I can't tell you how I feel about your bringing Edric. 
 I know you didn't do it on purpose, though sometimes I 
 get to thinking all kinds of ways about you. Some- 
 times I blame you for making me think i"..z way I do. 
 You remember what you said, when I was sick, about it 
 being all right if I loved Herrick? Anyway, that isn't 
 what I want to talk about now. You know we're both 
 victims of a hard-luck family. Things haven't come our 
 way at all. You know that. Of course, we're both very 
 different from each other, and if you think I'm wrong, in 
 looking at things light-heartedly, maybe I think you're 
 wrong to be so serious about everything. Anyway 
 things have taken a turn now. I've met a man, a wonder- 
 ful man, who is just right for me, and I'm crazy to settle 
 down." Her voice softened somewhat. " He doesn't 
 care so much for me yet, but I'm going to win him. I 
 guess maybe I'm in love. I don't know. At least, I 
 think about it all the time." 
 
 The first shock of their quarrelsome meeting was 
 passed, and now Hagar explained the reason for her let- 
 ter. When they had landed, and were on their way 
 through the cobbled streets to the one important hotel
 
 Hagar Revelly 393 
 
 of the town, there was something of the old feeling in 
 Thatah that had possessed her when she took Edric away 
 from Hagar's garret chamber. 
 
 By the next morning everything was arranged as Ha- 
 gar desired. They would get comfortably fixed at the 
 Meurice for a few days, and then would seek a smaller 
 and cheaper place; the child was an adopted son of a 
 friend of Thatah's, who had recently died; the truth 
 would be told about their parents. 
 
 To every idea Hagar advanced, Thatah readily con- 
 sented. Somehow, she could bear no ill will toward Ha- 
 gar, and her sister's helplessness and impulsive nature 
 made her take a certain delight in helping Hagar to 
 avoid possible consequences. 
 
 Discovering soon after breakfast that the train for 
 Paris did not leave until nearly noon, Hagar suggested 
 that they take a walk along the beach in front of the 
 hotel. 
 
 They were quite good friends again, as they started 
 off on the sandy beach ; hand in hand, they followed 
 the line of shore, and only stopped when a great wall 
 of crimson rock loomed up through the misty veil of 
 fog. 
 
 The day was warm, and the cooling effect of the cold 
 water of the ocean had thrown into the air a fantastic 
 bank of vapor. 
 
 They walked in silence, both thinking how strange it 
 was they should be together, when Hagar exclaimed: 
 " Oh, sister, how beautiful this is." Then they both 
 stopped to admire the view. 
 
 Like a huge, low pinnacled cathedral, with its irregular 
 Gothic outline and jagged columns and steeples, the rock 
 stood above the line of fog. The early morning sun could 
 only meekly pierce the cloud of moisture, and the effect 
 was that of mingling rainbows and snow-capped moun-
 
 394 Hagar Revelly 
 
 tains, kissed by the sunlight. It was truly beautiful, 
 and both were held in admiration. 
 
 Thatah was affected so deeply she could not speak, 
 but stood very still, in a vagrant contemplation of the 
 beauty of the vision. Never before, to her, had Nature 
 seemed so impelling, so over-awing. It made her think 
 of her life at the office, with its regular duties, day after 
 day. 
 
 " Oh, Hagar, this is wonderful ! " she exclaimed. 
 " How I should like to live here a whole lifetime." Be- 
 fore she could speak again there were tears flocking to 
 her eyes. 
 
 " What in the world " exclaimed Hagar, noticing, 
 but not understanding Thatah's emotion, and after a 
 moment of utter amazement, adding : " I guess we'd bet- 
 ter be going back." She said, as she led the way to the 
 hotel : " If I stayed here a whole day, the place would 
 get on my nerves, too." 
 
 " Oh, it didn't get on my nerves, Hagar," said Thatah 
 softly. 
 
 " Well, it did something to you. I hate the country 
 and the open air, and all the stuff people rave about so 
 much. It makes me sad, and I hate to be where any- 
 body's sad." 
 
 " I love the open country," answered Thatah. 
 
 " Is that why you cried ? " Hagar asked, with curiosity. 
 
 " Well, I guess it is." 
 
 " From joy what? " 
 
 " I suppose so." 
 
 Hagar studied her for a moment. " My, but you're 
 funny," she observed. 
 
 Near noontime the train left for Paris. Thatah did 
 not lose her spirit of exaltation, however. Passing so 
 swiftly through the silent lanes, and vine-covered or- 
 chards, was like unfolding into tangibility the proper-
 
 Hagar Revelly 395 
 
 tions of some past dream. The charming little red 
 roofs of the Normandy villages sang an appeal into her 
 heart that made her feel gay and free again, for the 
 first time in many months. 
 
 It may have been this song in her soul that made her 
 want to be kind and forgiving to Hagar, for when they 
 entered the Gare St. Lazare, and she had already met 
 the silent, tall man, she felt she would do absolutely the 
 bidding of Hagar. 
 
 " Sister, this is Mr. Miller Jarvis," said Hagar. 
 
 " I am happy to know you." 
 
 Thatah looked up, and there were cold grey eyes, sad- 
 dened, questioning, peering into her own. 
 
 He took her hand. " Miss Revelly," he said simply, 
 while a strange silence hung over the three as they stood 
 there. 
 
 Hagar was the first to speak. " We are so happy to 
 have you with us, Thatah." 
 
 " I'm happy, too," Thatah replied. 
 
 " Aren't you glad, Mr. Jarvis ? " questioned Hagar. 
 " It'll be so nice for us three to be together." 
 
 " You know I am very glad," he said quietly. 
 
 They went to the hotel, all three sitting huddled closely 
 together, with little Edric asleep on Thatah's lap. They 
 spoke very little, and Hagar was considerably bothered 
 when she perceived Miller's eyes continually glancing at 
 the child on Thatah's lap. She felt relieved when they 
 reached the hotel. 
 
 " He feels sorry for Thatah, I guess," she explained 
 to herself. " Thatah always looks so sad." 
 
 As soon as they reached the room, Hagar questioned 
 Thatah. 
 
 "What do you think of him?" 
 
 " I don't know," replied Thatah vaguely. 
 
 " He's nice, don't you think so ? "
 
 396 Hagar Revelly 
 
 " Oh, yes." 
 
 Hagar went on : " You'll get over his grave manner. 
 That's his way. He's always thinking about funny, deep 
 things. But wait until you talk to him. Anyway, I 
 wouldn't want a man that's sporty." 
 
 Then she came nearer to Thatah's side, saying : " Just 
 think, Thatah, how great it would be. You know he's 
 running for Senator, or something, out there, and say, 
 won't I have a great time, being the lady? I'd make him 
 a good wife, though, and be true to him," she added con- 
 templatively. 
 
 Noticing Thatah looked vacantly down into the street, 
 she asked: "What's the matter? Don't you think so? " 
 
 " Oh, I hope it all comes out the way you want it," re- 
 plied Thatah. 
 
 Through the hotel management, they procured an 
 English-speaking nurse-girl for Edric, and the next even- 
 ing Miller took them to dinner, though Thatah begged 
 hard to be left with Edric. 
 
 " I must stay," she insisted. " You people don't want 
 me with you, anyway." 
 
 " It would be better if you came," said Miller, and in 
 his words there seemed to be an understanding and beg- 
 ging, and command. Something made her nearly rush 
 to the answer : " All right, I'll come then." 
 
 The dinner was a failure from the standpoint of buoy- 
 ancy and spirit. The man was quiet, as if some over- 
 whelming thing encompassed him, while Hagar sat wearily 
 across from him, her elbows buried in the table, her mind 
 puzzled and wandering. 
 
 He had not commented upon the dress she had just 
 received from Liberty's. This hurt her deeply; she was 
 also conscious of the fact that once or twice she had 
 smiled to him, thin] ring his gaze was upon her, only to 
 find his eyes dwelling far away.
 
 Hagar Revelly 397 
 
 After dinner, they moved further in from the street 
 for their coffee, and found a fairly inviting corner right 
 near a very fat Frenchman and his wife. The man wore 
 a flaming red tie and spoke loudly, while his wife an- 
 swered him in a series of acquiescing grunts. 
 
 "Isn't it wonderful in Paris, That ah ?" Hagar ex- 
 claimed, after they had gained their seats and the waiter 
 bowed himself back to the kitchen. 
 
 " It's truly wonderful, sister." 
 
 The glittering life, meeting her gaze in every direction, 
 surely interested her. A tall, beautiful woman seated 
 herself with her escort at the table directly back of them. 
 The woman was dark and sensuous looking, and the man, 
 well groomed and intelligent, sat silently at her side. 
 The music crooned out a slow throbbing melody from 
 some opera. 
 
 It was all of a piece, the lights, the coloring, ev- 
 erything both animate and inanimate and to Tha- 
 tah it gave a feeling of restlessness and vague discon- 
 tent. 
 
 She heard Miller's voice in her ear : " This makes one 
 dream, doesn't it, Miss Revelly?" 
 
 His voice startled her, but she gained her composure 
 quickly, and answered : " Yes. It's the first time I've 
 dreamed in a great long while, too." 
 
 Then Hagar, who had been watching them, said : " Oh, 
 come, for Heaven's sake, let's not get sad." 
 
 Miller, continuing to look at Thatah, asked : " You 
 like this kind of life?" 
 
 Thatah's mind was wandering. She felt more happy 
 and restful now, full of a glorious peace. It seemed that 
 everything at this moment had been made especially for 
 her, as if the pale men and women on the tapestries, with 
 their mandolins and fans, were serenading and watching 
 her.
 
 398 Hagar Revelly 
 
 Then Hagar touched Thatah's elbow: " Thatah, Mr. 
 Jarvis is speaking to you." 
 
 Thatah looked up to see Miller's gaze on her. " Oh, 
 I beg your pardon," she said, apologetically, " I have 
 been dreaming, haven't I? What were you saying? " 
 
 " I only asked if you like this," he said gently. 
 
 " I would like to live in it always," she answered. 
 
 " Well, it would take a lot of money," intruded Hagar. 
 
 " Money could never make me feel the way I do now," 
 replied Thatah. " Money can't do everything." Then 
 she caught Miller listening intently to every word. " But 
 I guess you're right after all, Hagar," she added. The 
 presence of Miller made her conscious of every word she 
 uttered. 
 
 Hagar, however, since she had started them talking, 
 reached out blindly for some way of maintaining the con- 
 versation. 
 
 " Well, money is a pretty big thing, just the same. 
 It takes a lot of money to live in Paris, doesn't it, Mr. 
 Jarvis ? " As Hagar turned to the man who intuitively 
 understood her fluttering effort, she added : " We know, 
 don't we? " 
 
 " You bet it does," he smiled, and added thoughtfully : 
 " Still, it's sentiment that makes the world go round. 
 There are a lot of people, especially the artists who come 
 over here, who would rather starve in an interesting fash- 
 ion, than make money prosaically, especially if starving 
 meant the attaining of something they craved." 
 
 " Would you? " asked Thatah, turning to him. Some- 
 how to her the question seemed important. 
 
 He thought for a moment, then answered, a bit rem- 
 iniscently : " Well, I don't know. I think responsi- 
 bility would be the only thing that would keep me from 
 it." 
 
 The conversation dragged after that, and for a long
 
 Hagar Revelly 399 
 
 time following the coffee, absolute silence fell over the 
 entire party. 
 
 Miller suggested that they go to some other cafe for 
 a short time, but Hagar felt so queerly restless and un- 
 happy, she would only agree to them going back to the 
 hotel. 
 
 " Let's go back to the hotel I've got a headache," 
 she pleaded, and she cast her eyes down for a moment, 
 perhaps to appear more wan and weary. But when she 
 looked up, with a subconscious feeling that his sympathy 
 would bring the old caress in its glance, she found him 
 staring at Thatah. 
 
 After some discussion, they decided not to ride back 
 to the hotel, but rather to walk slowly along the Boule- 
 vard. 
 
 The moving throng had the same effect upon them, 
 however. For Miller and Thatah there was no note from 
 the tangible now. Something indefinable seemed to set- 
 tle about them, and made them understand, as they 
 walked peacefully and silently side by side, that there 
 existed between them a perfect feeling of unity. 
 
 The days passed into the first week after Thatah's 
 arrival, when one afternoon, perceiving that Thatah be- 
 came silent as soon as Miller left them, Hagar said: 
 " Thatah, you're trying to win him from me, and you 
 know it." 
 
 Thatah, noticing Hagar's sullen and angered face, 
 exclaimed: "Oh, sister, you shouldn't say that." 
 
 Braving herself, Thatah went on. Her voice trembled 
 as she spoke : " Hagar, I came over here blindly to 
 do what you wanted of me. And I'm here to be as loyal 
 to you as you want me to be. I know you've been watch- 
 ing me." 
 
 " But you know he cares for you. Honestly, I didn't 
 know what was wrong until I became suspicious just a
 
 400 Hagar Revelly 
 
 couple of days ago. I'm no fool. I can tell what he 
 thinks and feels, when he looks at you the way he does." 
 
 " I'm sorry, Hagar. I've done nothing, absolutely 
 nothing. Why, I've hardly spoken to him." 
 
 " Oh, I don't blame you so much, Thatah, but look at 
 the way things stand." 
 
 Hagar gave a deep sigh, then exclaimed : " Good 
 heavens, who can tell the crazy turns things will take? 
 As if I ever gave it a thought that he would care for 
 you. But we've got to do something," she went on, ear- 
 nestly. " I'll be in a rotten fix if things don't take a turn 
 for me. And you're trying to spoil it all, instead of 
 helping me." As she saw Thatah's eyes flash, she went 
 into softer tones : " Sister, you mustn't go back on me. 
 You will help me, won't you? Why, I guess it means 
 my whole life. I'd never work in a store again." 
 
 " I understand everything, Hagar. You can trust 
 me. I stood by you once. I'll do it again." 
 
 As Thatah went into the next room to hide her feel- 
 ings, her senses were torn by her dilemma. 
 
 Miller soon became conscious that Thatah was avoid- 
 ing him in every possible way. 
 
 At first he was curious and wondered whether it was 
 out of regard for Hagar that she kept away from him, 
 but as she most palpably avoided every meeting, he de- 
 termined that she really felt no part of this feeling that 
 was overwhelming him. 
 
 Then one afternoon, he passed her in the hallway, 
 and their eyes met. He went to his room, and sat for 
 hours with his pulses beating wildly. At last, blind with 
 the sudden determination to know, he rushed to Thatah's 
 apartment. Luckily, Hagar had gone to the dining- 
 room, and he found Thatah on a seat by the open win- 
 dow. 
 
 For an instant they stood facing each other.
 
 Hagar Revelly 401 
 
 " You here ! You ! " she exclaimed. There was trem- 
 bling and eagerness in her voice. 
 
 He stood silent, his face full of begging: "I had to 
 come," he said quietly. 
 
 Thatah meant to say several things, to explain the 
 situation, to make him understand the cause for which 
 she was fighting, or even express some word that would 
 turn him off altogether. 
 
 But all she could do was to answer his beseeching eyes 
 by extending to him her hand. 
 
 "I knew you would understand," he cried. 
 
 He led her back to the seat by the window. 
 
 " I'm so happy," he said impetuously. " This is so 
 wonderful so good. Oh, you must know that." 
 
 As she drew away from him, he went on hotly : " We're 
 man and woman, Thatah. Do you think that when I've 
 discovered the reality of every thought I've dreamed for 
 years do you think I'm going to give you up ? Oh, 
 you must know. We've got to be brave but we've got 
 to be true to ourselves. I'll tell little Hagar I'll tell 
 her everything." 
 
 For the first time she looked up into his eyes, crying: 
 " Oh, no, no I'm doing wrong. Please, please, don't 
 let me!" 
 
 Jarvis perceived the truth in her confession. " Tha- 
 tah, I love you," he pleaded. " What need have people 
 like us for explanation and words? What difference 
 would it make if we had known each other for years? 
 Why, I've loved you," his voice softened somewhat, from 
 the very first moment, there at the station. 
 
 " And I've thought and thought about it this last week, 
 until I've been nearly crazed. Oh, child, there is some- 
 thing better and bigger, and greater, that is guiding us. 
 We are not doing wrong." 
 
 He saw her saddened eyes filled with tears.
 
 402 Hagar Revelly 
 
 " Look at me," he begged. " Tell me I haven't judged 
 wrongly." 
 
 He paused for only a moment now, feeling, as she kept 
 silent, that it was the overflowing emotions that con- 
 trolled her. Then he went on, talking slowly and ear- 
 nestly : " I've believed all my life in impulses, Thatah. 
 They are the only true emotions that stored up craving 
 can give, and I'm speaking to you, following the dictates 
 of something that comes from deep in me. And I mean it. 
 Oh, every word of it." 
 
 And now she looked up into his face, as he pleaded, 
 and the outlines of it were as familiar to her as if she had 
 beheld them a lifetime. And though she meant not to 
 let him perceive her feelings, she awakened to find his 
 lips upon her forehead, while in her soul there arose a 
 feeling of thankfulness, that paid up in the moment, for 
 all the years of waiting and inertia she had endured. 
 
 " Thatah ! " came nearly inarticulate from Miller. 
 
 She raised her face, and when her eyes were at a level 
 with his own, and she saw there all the strength and love 
 hunger of the man, her resolutions fled entirely, swept 
 away, as if by some overpowering maelstrom of emotion. 
 
 " Thatah ! " he cried again. 
 
 But she said, in a half whisper, " Oh, I can't. . . . 
 Please, man, I must not." 
 
 He folded her deep into his arms, saying over and 
 over : " Thatah, I love you." 
 
 Then she seemed slowly to yield to his caresses. 
 
 " I love you, too. I can't help it," she answered at his 
 lips.
 
 CHAPTER XXXII 
 
 IN the fast ebbing light of late day, Thatah and Hagar 
 stood facing each other. The battle cry of defeat and 
 disappointment were silently told in the younger girl's 
 trembling lips and flaring eyes. But she kept her forces 
 together, and nothing beyond a slight unsteadiness of 
 speech revealed to Miller the feeling of rage and despair 
 that flooded through her. 
 
 " I've stood out there for half an hour," she cried. 
 " I don't know what it was that made me hurry up so 
 soon. Anyway, I've heard everything." Then she 
 turned in the man's direction. " So you've loved sister 
 all the time, haven't you ? " she cried. 
 
 Miller, standing erect, his grey eyes softened some- 
 what, as he perceived the appeal concealed in Hagar's 
 voice, answered : " Yes, Hagar, I love her." 
 
 Utterly bewildered by the understanding of the truth 
 of her fears, she searched his face. 
 
 Then, instinctively realizing the entire situation, and 
 knowing that she could not make any fight with them to- 
 gether, she hurried towards the door, saying as she went : 
 " I'll leave you two alone." 
 
 But Thatah, surmising Hagar's intention, had gone to 
 the door ahead of her. " It is my place to go," she said, 
 as she caught Hagar's arm. 
 
 Miller started after her, then he went back to his chair. 
 " She's right, Hagar," he said. " Let us sit down and 
 talk this thing over." 
 
 " All right, that's what I want to do," Hagar replied 
 
 bitterly. And then she began immediately : " You think 
 
 403
 
 404* Hagar Revelly 
 
 I don't understand that I don't know what it is, to 
 have a real affection for some one, don't you? But I do 
 understand. That's the whole trouble. I let you know 
 from the start how I cared. Yes, it's always that way 
 with men. You've got to lie to them and keep them off. 
 Or else they won't think they're clever when they win you. 
 That was just the trouble. If I had played right with 
 you, and never let you know how I felt, it would have 
 been different." 
 
 He started to interrupt her, but she exclaimed impetu- 
 ously : " Oh, let me go on." And quite recklessly- 
 with a fierce tone of defiance ringing throughout her 
 words, she pointed out to him wherein lay her weakness, 
 and the gradual process by which Thatah had fascinated 
 him. Then, quite suddenly, she burst forth into a 
 strange argument : " Do you know," she glared at him, 
 " why it was that I feared all this ? Tell me, have you 
 ever thought ? " 
 
 " I don't quite understand." 
 
 " Well, you ought to," she answered. " You're a sen- 
 sible man, and if you think a little bit, you'll realize that 
 that story about adopting a friend's child sounds fishy. 
 Of course, I didn't say anything in the beginning, because 
 I thought you cared for me. But, it doesn't make any 
 difference now." 
 
 She hesitated, and the man, seeing that her anger was 
 bringing forth some confession, begged her to go on. 
 
 "Yes, I'll tell you," she replied. "Oh, I knew you 
 cared for her that first night at Marguery's, but I just 
 couldn't believe it then. Well " 
 
 " Go on, Hagar," said Miller, firmly. 
 
 " Well, have you ever thought what might be the real 
 truth about little Edric?" 
 
 "Edric! Why, what do you mean?"
 
 Hagar Revelly 405 
 
 " Well, it's all on account of Edric that I've been 
 worried. I didn't think she'd bring him over." 
 
 Her voice changed somewhat now, as she said softly: 
 " Edric, you know is her illegitimate child." 
 
 Miller grasped her roughly by the shoulders. Then 
 he said fiercely : " Do you know what you're telling 
 me?" 
 
 " I know I understand how you must feel. I 
 you don't know how sorry I am." 
 
 Like a flash there came over him at that instant Tha- 
 tah's expression when she had said : " I love Edric so, 
 I wouldn't give him up even if his mother wanted him 
 now." 
 
 Miller exclaimed : " I don't believe it, Hagar." 
 
 " I fought hard not to tell you, Miller. Why, good 
 Lord " she started to say that which lay uppermost in 
 her mind, came near telling him in her suppressed frenzy, 
 how she had wanted to win him, and the plans she had 
 made to accomplish it. 
 
 However, she answered quite tranquilly : " I wanted 
 you. That's the reason I didn't tell you then, and wh;; 
 I'm telling you now. I just wanted to get away 
 away from this noise and faking- I wanted to go some 
 place where a man would believe in me, some place where 
 it would be nice and quiet, and peacef ul-like, and 
 chickens and cows, and I could hear the birds sing, and 
 breathe the fresh air. Oh, that's what I wanted. God, 
 I wanted it bad, too. I wanted somebody I could be 
 proud of, somebody that would teach me things, I'm 
 I'm pretty sick of men like Morgan Best." 
 
 As if overwhelmed by some outburst from a hidden 
 fountain of truth, Hagar now laid bare her feelings. 
 Imploringly, half crazed by the realization that she was 
 to lose this opportunity for home and peace, she went
 
 406 Hagar Revelly 
 
 on; but in her words, was the abandon of one who knows 
 the futility of their quest. 
 
 Very gently she knelt by the side of his chair, and 
 slowly took hold of one of his big hands and stroked the 
 fingers. 
 
 " I want you," she said earnestly. " I want you, and 
 I'm not afraid to let you know it. I haven't any pride 
 with you, Miller, or else my only pride is in the feeling 
 that I'm daring to be honest with you. Oh, can't you 
 understand? I've never known anybody like you before. 
 You're so strong and big and serious and kind. Your 
 whole life isn't made up of thinking of clothes and things 
 like that. Why, that used to be the only kind of man 
 I ever thought of, until I met you. You could teach me 
 a lot, Miller." 
 
 She reached up and turned his face toward her. The 
 dark lines about his mouth and eyes seemed coarser and 
 deeper than ever. 
 
 " Please look at me," she begged. 
 
 Some joy came to her at this moment, for she saw that 
 he had been affected by her words. Her happiness was 
 shortlived. He arose from the chair and half dragged 
 her up with him. It was not affection, however, that 
 controlled him, for he seemed more stern and resolute 
 than ever, and a certain fierceness in manner and speech 
 had beset him. 
 
 In nearly a whisper he began : " Hagar, this is a rot- 
 ten world of ours, a great joke . . . but when once I 
 get a thing in my head, it's there for good. And I 
 know now what I think, and I don't believe anything in 
 the world could make the slightest difference. There is 
 something about Thatah's eyes, that tells me I can be- 
 lieve in her. If she has had this child, I'll feel the sorrier 
 for her, and know that she needs my help just that much 
 more."
 
 Hagar Revelly 407 
 
 Hagar understood the futility of further pleading. 
 Miller's words had come so emphatic and earnest, she saw 
 that she would only humiliate herself. She had followed 
 the wrong course with him. 
 
 So she turned away from him, and without speaking 
 opened the door and went into the next room. Miller 
 picked up his gloves and hat from a chair, and after 
 hesitating for a moment at the door which had just closed 
 on Hagar, he walked out into the hall.
 
 CHAPTER XXXIII 
 
 THE next day brought a complement of events. 
 
 Miller told Thatah that he had made Hagar acquainted 
 with every detail of his regard for her. 
 
 He did not mention Hagar's accusation concerning 
 Edric, feeling that she had been in the next room and 
 might have heard. Even when she told him that she had 
 been in the Tuileries Gardens, he hesitated to tell her, 
 simply through the fear of losing her. 
 
 And so, through ignorance on Thatah's part, and 
 Miller's fear, Hagar went about with them, quite as if her 
 story was a forgotten triviality. 
 
 On the following evening, the three had dinner to- 
 gether, but Hagar, hardly able to endure her pangs of 
 conscience, complained at its close that she felt ill, and 
 left them. 
 
 Miller then suggested to Thatah that they take a walk 
 in the cool, evening air, and she went up to her room for 
 her hat and coat. When she returned, and they walked 
 across the Rue de Rivoli into the Tuileries Gardens, Ha- 
 gar watched them from the balcony window. 
 
 For a time they strolled on in silence, Thatah experi- 
 encing for the first time in her life the thought of comfort 
 and thorough peace, such as she had always imagined 
 and longed for. 
 
 " I wonder if many people know how wonderful the 
 nights are," said he, as they walked along. " Day- 
 time, I abhor with its shuffling crowds and mock- 
 ing sunlight and noise. But there's something rather 
 fine in the night-time, isn't there? " 
 
 408
 
 II a gar Revelly 409 
 
 " You mean that you like the quiet ? " she asked. 
 
 " Oh, I mean more than that. I think at night you 
 are less disturbed by ordinary things. I fancy that is 
 why people are lonelier at night." 
 
 " I wonder." 
 
 Miller observed her face as she answered him, and 
 when she noticed, she asked what was wrong. 
 
 " Nothing, child," he said. She perceived, however, 
 the affection that lay in his eyes and voice. 
 
 Off across the Gardens and outlined faintly in the 
 early evening twilight like some gigantic balloon, could 
 be seen the dome of a cathedral. It was in marked con- 
 trast to the surging crowds on the well-lighted Boule- 
 vard, and unconsciously they wandered in its direction, 
 at last, sitting upon a little bench, near the high iron 
 picketed enclosure that separated the Park from the 
 street. 
 
 As they peered through the bars, Thatah remarked 
 how gay everyone seemed in the moving crowd. 
 
 " Do you think any one of them ever speculates on the 
 future ?" she suggested. " There they promenade, night 
 after night. I should think they would try to find some- 
 thing new." 
 
 " I guess their philosophy, Thatah, is to gather the 
 rosebuds while you may," he remarked. 
 
 " Yes, and then the rosebuds go, and the rosebushes 
 live, and all you get is the prick of the thorns." 
 
 " At least the pricking of the thorns ought to stir 
 them." 
 
 When he saw that she did not quite understand him, 
 he said : " I mean people like that, who are surfeited 
 and blase, can only store up greater monotony in their 
 restlessness. They are not building for the future any 
 more, because they do not know what they want. It's 
 like Morgan Best's case. I can't help thinking that there
 
 410 Hagar Revelly 
 
 is nothing for him to fall back upon, except some extreme 
 of what he has already had. 
 
 " Why, sometimes I pity him," Morgan went on ear- 
 nestly. " He's always selling himself for a price. That's 
 what his pleasures come to. But, we don't buy anything 
 when we sell our hearts, do we? " He paused for a mo- 
 ment, then added : " I guess it's only when we give that 
 the returns are greatest." 
 
 He took her hand gently. " I wonder, dear," he said, 
 " if you ever felt that you couldn't take something just 
 because it didn't happen to have a certain attraction that 
 you really craved? I'm like that. It's idealism, I guess. 
 But to me, idealism is only realizing the importance of 
 the things we most want. Yes, I've tried pretty hard to 
 get the same values out of things that come to other peo- 
 ple but, oh, I can't. I want the height always - 1 
 want things real, no illusion. I guess I'm foolish." 
 
 " Oh, no you're not," Thatah broke in. 
 
 " At least, I've been perfectly willing, Thatah, to go 
 along, waiting and waiting, for the day when the great 
 happiness would come to me. When I could recognize it, 
 and then, in my imagination, go out on the prairies or 
 high places, and square my shoulders and throw back 
 my head, and say to the winds on the hills : ' Here's 
 what I want. It's what I've always wanted and by 
 God, I'm going to take it.' " 
 
 He had lost himself in his words, and as he looked up 
 and realized what he had said, he became more humble 
 again, saying bashfully : " I really forgot what I was 
 doing, Thatah. Forgive me." 
 
 " Oh, go on, I love to hear you talk like that," she 
 begged. 
 
 He held her hand more tightly. 
 
 " Once I came across a phrase that I've always re- 
 membered : ' For a dreamer is one who can only find his
 
 Hagar Revelly 411 
 
 way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees 
 the dawn before the rest of the world.' I used to think 
 that was going to be my fate," he said quietly. 
 
 " Oh, I think dreaming is good for one," Thatah added 
 gently " when the dreams come true." 
 
 " People that study life have to dream a lot, I guess. 
 They learn the real values, too. I knew a fellow, once," 
 he went on, " who would make plans on paper for the 
 next day, then he began doing that for his own life, and. 
 for those about him whom he knew very well. One day, 
 some one asked him what he was doing. I'll never forget 
 his answer : * I'm only a photographer of life,' said he, 
 4 trying to take pictures with the end of a pencil.' It 
 was in the Western country, too, Thatah, and out there 
 it isn't all sunlight snapshots." 
 
 " I've always wanted to be in the West," said she. 
 
 " It won't be long, Thatah," he answered, looking 
 ahead, with eagerness in his eyes. 
 
 As they walked back to the hotel, and Thatah hung on 
 his arm, and felt the protection offered her by this man, 
 she wondered what would have happened to her had she 
 not come to Paris. 
 
 At her plate the next morning, she found a letter from 
 him, and a great joy flooded her whole being when she 
 realized that Miller might have sat up a good part of the 
 night to write to her. 
 
 The letter ran: 
 
 Dear Thatah: 
 
 I am in a mood. I'm young all over again, and when I find 
 myself affected as I am to-night since leaving you, there is only 
 one thing to do that is, act just like the youth himself. 
 
 I've been sitting here for hours, just thinking about you, in 
 a sort of ecstasy. You mustn't laugh at me. I keep on think- 
 ing how happy I am, how I thank God I found you. Why, 
 you seem to have been my companion through all the years,
 
 Hagar Revelly 
 
 through all the lonely vigil. I wonder is there some wild 
 nomadic strain in you, that matches up with that something in 
 me that has always kept me dreaming and yearning. 
 
 My watch says it is nearly three o'clock. It's grey white 
 outside now. The milk man has been to the hotel. I can hear 
 his rumbling cans go down the street. 
 
 I can hardly wait until I see you in the morning. Ah, I 
 am as frail as the rest of my sex. 
 
 I thought I should stop now, only to find myself filled with 
 a desire to talk further with you. I'm afraid this letter will 
 become grotesque incoherent surely there is nothing more 
 interesting than the words a man will pour into the ears of the 
 woman he loves. I don't believe women are like this. They 
 convey their feelings by some stray glance, some inadvertent 
 touch, they even say, ' I love you/ but that is all. No, women 
 are really not given to wording their emotions, as are men. 
 
 Well, I promise one thing you will never be for me an 
 asylum for my worries. To those of whom we are fond, we 
 should only dare to give that part of us which will make them 
 happy. If we try to get only sympathy, it means selfishness, 
 and I know love is not that. 
 
 I must stop my rambling. We've talked so little. 
 
 Good night. 
 
 It was her first love letter. 
 
 For a long while she meditated, feeling a certain dis- 
 appointment indefinable to herself. Having been vaguely 
 mindful for some time of his austere, unbending view of 
 life, his lessened understanding of the gayer moments of 
 which even she felt life was full, she only gradually could 
 perceive his sobriety of manner to be the expression mir- 
 rored forth from a soul's past torment.
 
 CHAPTER XXXIV 
 
 IN the days that followed, Hagar went about as though 
 she were in a state of narcosis. When Thatah and Mil- 
 ler decided at the last moment to go back together to 
 New York for their marriage, she stood like some dumb 
 animal, watching the train until it disappeared into the 
 distance. 
 
 Her senses distorted by series of unrelenting thoughts, 
 she wondered if Miller had already told Thatah of her 
 lie, and if she had done right in refusing to go along with 
 them, when Thatah had asked her. After all, she re- 
 flected, as she walked along, that she would surely have 
 had to settle down with Miller. Thatah was different 
 she was made for a quiet home. She wondered a little if 
 Thatah really loved Jarvis, with his stiff, foolish ideas 
 about things. 
 
 But all the way back to the hotel, Hagar felt as if 
 someone had struck her a blow. Her house of dreams 
 lay shattered about her, and Miller's going with Thatah 
 and little Edric, took away the last invisible prop. When 
 she reached her room, she sat wearily in a rocker by the 
 window. The dark of the room made it easier for her to 
 think and she rocked back and forth with monotonous 
 regularity for nearly two hours. 
 
 Alone in the dark she pondered deeply. Until now she 
 had not realized the fact that the to-morrow held out 
 nothing for her. Then she thought of the money she had 
 spent so recklessly, and where more would come from. 
 
 When she realized quite suddenly the state in which Tha- 
 
 413
 
 414 Hagar Revelly 
 
 tah had left her, she cried: " Am I an outcast? " again 
 and again. 
 
 It was a wail of self-revelation. Suddenly her spirit 
 of pride and resourcefulness seemed absolutely taken 
 away. 
 
 Until ten o'clock she paced the room, her hands 
 clenched and her eyes searching the bare walls, as if she 
 could bring out of them some hidden thought or plan. 
 She felt rather regretful now that she had not accepted 
 Thatah's invitation to go back to America with her. 
 
 About an hour later, Hagar called up Morgan Best. 
 
 " I thought you'd forgotten me," he said in his gay 
 manner. " But I was going to look you up, anyway. 
 I promised Miller that this afternoon." 
 
 When she was seated in his little parlor, she wondered 
 why Miller's face was continually in front of her. This 
 man had such a clever manner, he seemed so sure of 
 himself, and his hair and clothes were so well taken care 
 of. But somehow she missed Miller more at the moment 
 than ever before. However, she spoke very sweetly to 
 Best. " I got awful lonesome sitting up there after Tha- 
 tah left. So I just thought I'd call you up." 
 
 It was quite dark in the room and Best wondered if he 
 should make a light. 
 
 "Oh, I like the twilight," she objected. 
 
 " As you wish," he replied. 
 
 Hagar walked over and looked out of the window, down 
 into a deep, dark areaway. 
 
 " Gee ! it's dark down there ! " she exclaimed. 
 
 "It is dark, isn't it?" 
 
 " I'd be so scared, I'd keep this window locked all the 
 time, for fear I'd wake up in my sleep some night." As 
 he failed to answer her, she looked around at him. 
 "Why, what's the matter with you?" she asked. 
 " You're as quiet as a clam."
 
 Hagar Revelly 415 
 
 He suppressed a yawn as he answered : " I'm pretty 
 tired, I guess. Had a big party last night at L'Ab- 
 beye's." 
 
 For some time Hagar gazed over the sill, peering into 
 the darkness, without saying a word. Then she came 
 back into the room, and walked over to him, and leaned 
 somewhat over his shoulder. " I thought we might have 
 some fun to-night," said she slowly, as if he had hurt her 
 by his silence. 
 
 Best looked up, with a kind expression upon his face. 
 " I'm pretty tired," said he. 
 
 Then he became silent again, while Hagar walked 
 about the room, touching one or another of the different 
 things on the writing desk or on the mantel. 
 
 At last she said : " God ! say something. You act as 
 if you didn't want me." 
 
 " Why, you know better than that, Hagar." 
 
 She had taken the chair by his side when the telephone 
 gave a short ring. As he rushed across the room, his 
 spirits appeared to come back in an instant. " I guess 
 that's about my tickets," he said. " I forgot to tell 
 you I'm leaving for Switzerland in the morning." 
 
 He put the mouthpiece to his lips, and though Hagar 
 strained hard to hear what he said, his tones were so low 
 and so well directed, she could only get an occasional 
 fragment of a woman's rather high-pitched voice. 
 
 When he placed the instrument back on the hook, his 
 face was very red, and she thought he was a little nerv- 
 ous. 
 
 " I'm sorry," he explained ; " I've got to run down- 
 stairs. A friend with whom I had a partial engage- 
 ment " 
 
 Hagar took the silver beaded shawl from the back of 
 the chair and threw it over her shoulders. 
 
 " Oh, don't worry. I'll go," she cried a bit angrily.
 
 416 Hagar Revelly 
 
 " I'm sorry." He spoke rather dejectedly. " Maybe 
 I should have thought about it before, but I 
 
 " Oh, don't worry. It's all right." In her throat 
 was a choking, uncomfortable feeling. 
 
 She had walked as far as the door, when he stopped her 
 and looked steadily into her face. 
 
 " Let me tell you a plan I have in mind, Hagar," he 
 said, as he took hold of her arm. " And we best talk 
 straight to each other." For a moment he paused, as 
 if in a search for the right way of beginning. Then 
 he exclaimed : " Well, it's no use to fake with yourself. 
 I understand. I've been watching 1 you ever since 
 you came in here. And it's hurt me a little bit to see 
 how hard you were working. You are pretty much 
 up against it, aren't you, Hagar? " 
 
 She grasped the knob of the door for support, and he, 
 noticing her quivering lips and trembling fingers, made 
 his own interpretation of her silence. 
 
 " Now, listen to me," he began. 
 
 " Oh, please don't say anything that'll make me feel 
 bad." 
 
 He gave a restless laugh. " I won't." 
 
 For a moment he stood watching her. " I know 
 what you told Miller about the child 
 
 " Oh, please, please don't talk about that." 
 
 " Well, I'm going to ask one question for his sake. 
 Tell me " 
 
 Hagar grew pale, and she half shut her eyes as if she 
 already knew what he would ask of her. 
 
 Best continued in a measured voice : " Isn't Thatah 
 a good woman ? " 
 
 She drew herself to her fullest height. In her face 
 was the old proud spirit. But before she could muster 
 her words, she gave way entirely. Her little body wilted, 
 as if it had been struck a blow.
 
 Hagar Revelly 417 
 
 " Oh," she said weakly. " Thatali is an awful good 
 woman." 
 
 " And the child ? " he questioned further. 
 
 " Oh, please please," she begged. 
 
 Very calmly he looked at her. " I knew it," he said 
 simply ; " but I wanted to make sure. I want to tell 
 Miller." 
 
 " It didn't make any difference," she started to say. 
 
 " Thank heavens," he added to her words. " But I'll 
 write him to-night." 
 
 He walked away from her for a time, leaving her alone 
 at the door. Somehow, he was sure she would not 
 leave. When he came back to her side, he said : " Well, 
 we must get down to business anyway. I want to do 
 something for you. Perhaps I should tell you that I 
 believe that I can." He looked into her face. " You 
 know what I'm driving at ? " 
 
 " Not quite," she faltered. 
 
 " Well, it's just this. I've got a friend who's coming 
 over here. He's got money " 
 
 Hagar grasped his arm. " Please don't say it," she 
 murmured. 
 
 " Just as you wish," Best replied. " If you don't 
 want " 
 
 " Oh, go on, don't mind me," turning her head away. 
 
 " All right. You know it isn't for me I'm doing this. 
 I'm well, I'm just sorry for you, little girl, and Paris 
 is a pretty cold proposition." He went on mercilessly 
 now, the while Hagar sat herself dejectedly in a large 
 chair. " This friend, a man named Jack Weller, is a 
 rich jewellery importer in Chicago. I've bought a lot 
 of jewellery from him. He's a good spender, a nice 
 looking fellow, and I believe he'll like you. What do you 
 say? Shall I fix it up? He'll be here in about ten 
 days . . ."
 
 CHAPTER XXXV 
 
 HAGAR commenced her search of the hotel registers, given 
 in an English-printed paper, about two weeks after Best 
 had left Paris. And the few days passing the arrival 
 of Weller's steamer, without his appearance, made her be- 
 gin to fear that Best's arrangements had gone wrong. 
 
 Every day she inquired at the Herald office and looked 
 through the lists for his name. 
 
 During this time she bought a long fur coat for winter 
 wear, and two new gowns. 
 
 Only once, as she was shopping, did she think it would 
 be a better plan to save her money. But the coming of 
 Weller seemed to make impracticable any plans beyond 
 the point of his arrival. It was really only after the 
 two weeks of waiting that she realized that Weller was 
 not coming. That same day she was confronted by the 
 hotel management for the payment of her bill, and as 
 she stood facing the pale young clerk, she saw that she 
 could not stay at the hotel and await Weller, and that 
 she had not enough money to pay for her leaving. 
 
 But she told him, " Oh, I'll fix it up all right, don't 
 worry, I'll fix it up to-morrow." 
 
 When night came, she wandered out to the Rue de 
 Rivoli. She was hungry from not eating, completely at 
 a loss for some method of meeting her obligations. She 
 had not the heart to go into the dining-room, after her 
 interview with the clerk, and going into some other res- 
 taurant seemed so humiliating that she decided to do with- 
 out eating altogether. 
 
 The street was dark and depressing and she turned off 
 
 418
 
 Hagar Revelly 419 
 
 toward the Rue de la Madeleine. Here it was gayer and 
 better lighted and her spirits lifted accordingly. 
 
 In front of Maxim's, a young fellow eyed her and 
 said several words in French to her. When he under- 
 stood she did not speak his language, he said politely but 
 with an effort : " Why not, Mademoiselle, a little dinner, 
 some place? " 
 
 He was quite at her side, and as he whispered into her 
 ear, his body touched her. 
 
 " Get away from me," she cried, and tore along the 
 boulevard at a much quicker pace. Before she had 
 walked another block, she was accosted by a half dozen 
 others. 
 
 The first incident stayed with her, however, and as she 
 thought about it, the idea that for nothing she might 
 have managed a good dinner, seemed much less repellent 
 than at first thought. 
 
 She kept on her way into the Boulevard des Capucines, 
 and when she came to the Olympia cellar, she went down 
 the stairs without being in any way capable of account- 
 ing for it. Two women ahead of her had gone down into 
 the burst of light, and she followed them automatically. 
 She did not recognize the long, low running wine room 
 and dance hall as being one to which Miller had taken 
 them one night. 
 
 There were many women standing about or sitting at 
 tables here, so her first moment of fright did not turn 
 her away. Instead, she found herself climbing upon a 
 stool after her two companions of the street. A long 
 electrically lighted sign over her head said : " American 
 Bar." 
 
 It may have been the instinct that had driven many 
 women before her to the same row of high stools in front 
 of the liquor-shining bar, that impelled Hagar to follow 
 the women. At least, her mind was not prepared, when
 
 420 Hagar Revelly 
 
 the bartender flung at her, in coarse tones, an inquiry 
 of her desires. 
 
 In English he spoke : " What'll you have, Mad'- 
 m'selle? " 
 
 Hagar looked about her, still bewildered by the strange- 
 ness of her surroundings. Then she seemed to forget 
 the man altogether, and leaned wearily over the groove 
 that ran along the shining surface to catch the spilt 
 liquor. Her eyes were sunk deep in the frame of dull 
 black hair. 
 
 One of the women who had preceded her along the 
 Boulevard, turned to her. She had evidently noticed the 
 expression on the face of the bartender, as he spoke to 
 the forlorn, pale face of Hagar. 
 
 " What's the matter with you, little one ? " the woman 
 questioned. 
 
 Hagar looked up. " Oh, I'm pretty tired," she an- 
 swered. Then she heard the woman's voice say : " Well, 
 tell the man what you want, dearie. He's waiting. You 
 need a bracer, I guess." 
 
 A little more aroused, and realizing the obligation she 
 had assumed by getting on the stool, Hagar asked of the 
 woman : " What are you taking ? " 
 
 " A little absinthe. I need it about this time of the 
 night." 
 
 " Give me the same," said Hagar to the man. 
 
 The woman went on regarding her. " Why in the 
 world don't you get some rest? I always make it a point 
 to take it easy during the day. You look all worn out, 
 and the night is just starting." 
 
 As Hagar failed to answer, she went on : " Why don't 
 you? You do look like the devil." 
 
 " Oh, I don't know." 
 
 The woman took her drink at one gulp. " You know, 
 I knew you were an American the way you said, tired.
 
 Hagar Retielly 421 
 
 The English don't speak at all the way we do. I'm from 
 New York. Where are you from, dearie? " 
 
 " Oh, I'm from New York, too." 
 
 " Are you ? Well, it's the only town in the world, all 
 right." She grew quiet for a time and Hagar noticed 
 that she was no longer young, and had a hard-look- 
 ing face, that for all the paint showed many wrinkles. 
 Then the woman again turned towards her : " God, for 
 just a smell of Forty-second Street, what wouldn't I 
 give! How long have you been here?" 
 
 She had been speaking a good deal to herself, until she 
 had asked the question of Hagar, and now as she saw 
 the look of disinterestedness in Hagar's face, she nearly 
 interrupted her own words : " You are certainly tired 
 out, aren't you? I guess it's because you don't know the 
 system. Anyway, one oughtn't work so hard now. The 
 best paying bunch of Americans don't come over until 
 fall. These are all tourists, now. Why, last night " 
 Then she broke off suddenly, "Where are you living?" 
 
 "Why?" asked Hagar. 
 
 The woman looked up, hesitated an instant, and then 
 said: " Oh, well, business is business. I was just think- 
 ing that you could come with me. You're young and 
 pretty all right, and I think you could do pretty well. 
 You're new at the game, aren't you? Well, anyway," 
 she went on, " you come around with me. We'll talk it 
 over." 
 
 She paid for Hagar's drink and started to get down 
 from her stool. 
 
 "I I'll see you to-morrow night. I'm too tired 
 to-night," faltered Hagar. 
 
 Apparently undecided as to her next course, Hagar's 
 companion stood thinking for a minute. Then she took 
 Hagar's hand : " Oh, it'll be a good thing for you. I 
 know what your kind of life is now. There's nothing to
 
 it. The game is too hard when you go it alone. Yes, 
 you're a fool to do the Avenue, even one more night. 
 You're too pretty to be so so common." 
 
 " I'll see you to-morrow night sure," pleaded Hagar. 
 Her face was bloodless, and her lips were as dry as her 
 tongue. " I'm awful tired." 
 
 " Well, all right. I guess it's better for you to get 
 some rest to-night. But go home and rest. If I was 
 you, I'd cut it out entirely for to-night. But you'll 
 meet me here sure to-morrow night, then ? " She took 
 out a card from a small leather case. " If I'm not here 
 by ten o'clock, just come around to that address," she 
 said, " and knock once and walk in. It will only let you 
 into the sitting-room. I've got two dandy rooms, and a 
 bath." 
 
 " All right. I guess I'll go now," said Hagar, as she 
 took the card and slipped down from the high stool. 
 
 "You won't forget?" 
 
 " Oh, of course not." 
 
 When she was well out of the place, Hagar ran until 
 she had reached her room. 
 
 At six o'clock the next morning she sent a cablegram 
 to Greenfield: 
 
 " I want to come back to you, Ben. Please, for old times' 
 sake. Will you cable me four hundred dollars ? "
 
 CHAPTER XXXVI 
 
 BENJAMIN GREENFIELD met Hagar before the boat 
 reached the docks. In some manner, he had obtained the 
 privilege of coming out on the pilot boat, while the big 
 steamship was still considerably out of her New York 
 harbor. Anxiously, fraught with emotion, he followed 
 the pilot up the rope-ladder, and found Hagar awaiting 
 him upon the deck. 
 
 The thoughts that had accumulated during the two 
 weeks interval, between the time he had cabled her the 
 money and now, spent itself in the instant. He .grasped 
 her in his arms, in front of the curious passengers, and 
 kissed her again and again upon her lips and face. 
 
 " Oh, Hagar," he cried, with half-shut eyes. 
 
 As quickly as possible she hurried him down to her 
 cabin. He seemed even more frenzied when they were 
 alone, and kept murmuring in a strange way : " Hagar 
 Hagar it can't be." 
 
 It seemed that only in her name could he find expres- 
 sion for the many weeks of misery he had endured. 
 When he had seated himself upon the little sofa, she 
 asked if he had been lonesome. It was a simple thing to 
 say, as a first answer to his tempestuous greeting, but 
 she could think of nothing else. 
 
 In a low voice, he whispered : " Hagar, you'll never 
 know what I've gone through." 
 
 " You poor boy," she breathed. 
 
 Then he tenderly put both his hands on her shoul- 
 ders, and turned her face toward him. " But God 
 
 knows, I'm happy now." The tears glistened in his eyes. 
 
 423
 
 424 Hagar Revelly 
 
 " I don't believe you can understand what I feel, Hagar, 
 you've been cruel as the devil to me." 
 
 She smoothed back his hair with her hands. 
 
 " I don't believe I can, Ben," she whispered. Then 
 she added : " Oh, I want to, though." 
 
 Her voice took on more life. From the first instant 
 of their meeting, she had been trying to word some rest- 
 less thought, and now she began earnestly, removing his 
 hands, in a graceful confession of her inability to think 
 as she wanted, with him so near. 
 
 " Ben," she began, " we'd best talk straight right away. 
 You can't know what I went through the morning I 
 sent you that cable. And after that I just counted the 
 seconds until I heard from you, fearing you would still 
 be angry with me. You don't know what getting that 
 answer meant to me." 
 
 " I can imagine," he said, with his eyes steadily upon 
 her. 
 
 Her tones lost none of their firm purpose by the inter- 
 ruption. 
 
 " Any way, I've come back, Ben, but I'm going to come 
 back straight, if you want me. And I'm going to be 
 honest about it, too. You know I haven't been 
 square." 
 
 " It's all right, child. Don't talk about it," he pleaded. 
 
 " But I must have my say." Her voice faltered a 
 little as she continued : " Oh, Ben, you don't know what 
 I've suffered, just in my thoughts. All of a sudden I 
 changed over there just felt sick and low and cheap 
 felt afraid . . . as if I was going to jump off 
 into some hole that I could never get out of. Oh, I can't 
 explain it. And what scared me so much was that I was 
 getting so I didn't care. 
 
 " At least, I've changed, Ben. I guess I'm a woman 
 now. I guess I've found myself." She took his hand
 
 Hagar Revelly 425 
 
 and gently caressed it. " And it comes down to this, old 
 boy " she paused, with her head bowed " I want a 
 home. I want to be loved but I want a home more. 
 I want you to marry me. That's why I came back, 
 Ben. I was just thinking of myself." 
 
 He interrupted her. " You're a little excited now, 
 dear," he said, rising from the seat and walking restlessly 
 over to the porthole. " Everything will be O. K., I sup- 
 pose." 
 
 " No, I must talk now. I'm so sick of everything. 
 And we've got to be square. I don't really love you, Ben. 
 I honestly don't. I don't really love anybody. I can't 
 love now. It seems like there ain't any time for that. I 
 just want some place to be in. I want . . . Oh, well 
 . . ." maybe after a while, if you'll marry me, and we're 
 all settled, and I can appreciate you more . . . may- 
 be, I'll learn ... to love you. I hope so. Oh, 
 but the main thing is I want somebody to love me. 
 See ! " she exclaimed, with a sad smile, " I'm talking 
 honest, Ben. You know I'd never said that in the old 
 days. But that's straight, Ben. I do want something 
 like that. You're pretty good you've been better to 
 me than well, than you ought to have been, at any 
 rate." 
 
 She rose and with him looked out through the little 
 window, over the rough surface of the green water. 
 
 " Yes, Ben, I want you to marry me. That's the only 
 way that you can save me. And I'll try hard to be good, 
 to you." 
 
 Thinking perhaps that he would reply, she remained 
 silent. But he only looked away from her, with his head 
 bowed upon his hand. 
 
 She slowly put his arm around her neck. 
 
 " Ben," she went on, with a little loss of control in her 
 tones, " I believe I can make you happy. I'm willing to
 
 426 Hagar Revelly 
 
 try if you're willing to let me. I'm sorry I don't love 
 you, but you understand, Ben, don't you, boy? I'm just 
 trying to be honest." 
 
 Then, for the first time, Greenfield answered her. With 
 a cry, he grasped her to him : " Oh, darling, you don't 
 know what I've gone through. You don't know how I've 
 suffered and wanted you. Why, once I thought I'd kill 
 myself. Oh, you don't know. I can't help loving you. 
 But that night " 
 
 " Let's bury that night with the rest, Ben." 
 
 " It's been pretty hard to do." 
 
 With soft tones, words full of a caress in them, Hagar 
 said : " Well, Ben, perhaps I've got something to blame 
 you for, too. So, it's an evened up game. You didn't 
 know what you were doing that day when you took the 
 little black-haired kid from behind that waist counter, 
 did you?" 
 
 It was his turn to beg that she let the past burv itself. 
 
 C5 X v 
 
 " No," she went on. " I guess men don't think what 
 might happen, when they try to do that sort of thing. 
 They don't think that the little girl might learn to want 
 in the same way he does. So, Ben, it's evened up. I 
 might have gone further the night I cabled. And I 
 could have blamed you for it. You were the first human 
 being that put thoughts like that in my head. 
 
 " Anyway, it's all right with me if it's all right with 
 you. I don't love you now but I'll be square with you, 
 and work for you, and be true to you if you'll just 
 marry me." 
 
 She framed his face with her hands. " Ben," she fal- 
 tered, " tell me, is it all right? " 
 
 From the upper deck came the blatant notes of a brass 
 band, which had started its jubilant entrance into the 
 inner harbor. 
 
 Greenfield took her in his arms, and his face drawn
 
 Hagar Revelly 427 
 
 and tense showed his feelings plainly. " Hagar, \ 
 love you," he whispered. " It's all right with me. God 
 knows how I want you." Then his voice broke a little. 
 " I know what you're worth and mean in my life 
 now." 
 
 " Well, if it's all right with you, Ben it's all right 
 with me." 
 
 Silently Greenfield folded her hands and drew them to 
 his lips. 
 
 " It's all right, Hagar. You needn't worry. You 
 don't know how wonderful it is, just being here with you. 
 Why, I'm ten years younger this minute. Oh, Hagar- 
 my girlie." 
 
 Neither of them spoke for some time but gazed 
 through the portholes, out over the swiftly passing water, 
 so nearly on a level with their eyes. Bits of sunlight, re- 
 flected from the waves, danced fantastically on their faces, 
 while carried through the air came down to them the faint 
 jingling notes of a rag-time melody. 
 
 Hagar remained passive in his arms. Then she began 
 to disengage herself from his close embrace. Suddenly 
 she seemed worn and tired. 
 
 " It's so stuffy down here, dear," she said. " Let's go 
 up and listen to the band." 
 
 Dare we further dog-ear the pages of Hagar's life? 
 
 Is it within our province to analyze and dissect the 
 comedy of fate and circumstance to approach life with 
 lens and forceps, as though it were a magnified Proteus, 
 and, when it suits our fancy, to pinch off an inquisitive 
 pseudopodia from the protozoan bulk, to hold aloft for 
 the appreciation of fellow students? 
 
 Who shall take the divine prerogative in dispensing re- 
 wards to those spent in travail to those who must needs 
 traverse the labyrinth of life's doldrums? In the idea of
 
 428 Hagar Revelly 
 
 the parable, the good are rewarded the bad made to 
 suffer. But is justice so dispensed? Can reward drip- 
 ping hot from the pen always finish the story? . . . 
 
 We live on hopes, expectations hanging speculatively 
 in mid-air over the abyss . . . tight-rope walkers on 
 the road to destiny. Only with our eyes far ahead are 
 we able to keep to the present task. Dare we, then, re- 
 vert our gaze to a faltering fellow-traveller? 
 
 Experience teaches more than meditation. The abyss 
 gaped deep and shadow-filled. Had not Hagar peered 
 into its depths?
 
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