MUSIC LIB ML 50 C259664 1903 A= S AS — ° = f = — <= — — t = ^ m = 3D OH = JD 1 — = O 8S ^= 1 — / = — 1 — = 65 7 = B > = JO 6s = J> 2 = = t > S 1 — CARYLL ORCHID THE LIBRARY OF THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LOS ANGELES MEREDITH WILLSON LIBRARY STANLEY RING COLLECTION MUSIC LIBRARY The orchid A NEW AND ORIGINAL flfcusical pla£ WRITTEN BY JAMES T. TANNER LYRICS B T- ADRIAN ROSS AND PERCY GREENBANK MUSIC BY IVAN CARYLL AND LIONEL MONCKTON Lyrics 25 Cents. CHAPPELL & CO., Ltd., so NEW BOND STREET, LONDON, W. Agents— NEW YORK : BOOSEY & CO. BERLIN W. 62 : C. M. ROEHR. All rights reserved under the International Copyright Act. Public Per- formance of all or any part of the work strictly forbidden. Applications for the right of performance must be made to " Mr. GEORGE Edwakdes, 21 Wellington Street, Strand, London." COPYRIGHT, MCMIII., BY CHAPPELL & CO. ■Music Librsty ^0 THE ORCHID. Chorus of Visitors. Ladies. Gentlemen. Ladies. Gentlemen. All. ACT I. Lyrics. No. 1. OPENING CHORUS (Caryll). "The Horticultural College." This high Horticultural College Is formed with the excellent plan Of giving young ladies the knowledge That makes them the equal of man. In gardens that have not been built on, The pupils may practise their powers (Like Eve in the poem of Milton) In learning the culture of flowers ! It's paradise ! Extremely nice ! What plants, and what bouquets, too ! It suits a mind that's quite refined, And then, you know, it pays, too ! What stacks and sheaves of flowers and leaves, What wealth of bud and blossom ! Just see the rare Cattleya there And that Odontoglossom ! Oh, that Odontoglossom, Oh ! Happy Horticulture ! The Science, like a vulture, May seem to ravage beauty And scorn the artist's call ; Yet beauty here and science Are found in close alliance United in the duty That's Horticultural ! Oh ! happy Horti - horti - horti - culture ! (March. ) Pupils. (TTieLAPY Warden and Pupils enter Pupils marching.) Hei'e we come On parade, Just like S'»me in order, Bold Brigade- 3052775 Dark and short, Fair and tall, Highly horticultural ! In complete Uniform, Which is neat, Also warm ! It's the sort You would call Highly horticultural ! All a-growing and a-blowing, too, Lovely flowers, Really ours Show what we can do ! All a-growing, taking, taut and trim, If some Adam Wants a madam, Here's a chance for him ! Pupils and All a-growing and a-blowing too ! Chorus. Beds and bowers, Full of flowers! Show what ( we ) can do ! > (they) i All a-glowing, maidens fair to see, I should chuckle, Honeysuckle ! If (you were my) bee ! (I were your) Here ( we ) come A (they) Head by head, Just like some Crocus bed. Swaying lie ht On the stalk By the gravel garden walk ! Roses fair, Look (our) girls (the) Maidenhair Waves and curls ! (You'll) report ( We ) ( We ) are all (They) So very highly horticultural ! No. 2. SONG.— Thisbe. "The Lady Secretary." 1. Thisbe. A Statesman in tbe Cabinet Wants plenty of assistance, To think of things he might forget And keep the bores at distance. He has a man to pull the wires, And write a speech or letter ; For social matters he requires A helper rather bettei', And that is why, And that is why I am the Minister's Lady Secretary ! Chorus. Tary ! Thisbe. Playing a sort of good attendant fairy — Chorus. Fairy ! Thisbe. Taking him out to dance or play, Then if he has to go, I stay As the Minister's charming Lady Secretary. Chorus. She is the Minister's Lady Secretary — tary ! Playing a sort of good attendant fairy — fairy Taking him out to balls and plays Then if he has to go, she stays As the Minister's charming Lady Secretary ! Thisbe. I often join him in his box To see the last successes ; I wear the newest Paris frocks — The chief provides tbe dresses ! If called away by news of weight No trouble he evinces. He says " Perhaps I may be late, I'll pick you up at Prince's." Of course it's right ! Of course it's right ! I am the Minister's Lady Secretary ! Chorus. Tary ! Thisbe. Always exceedingly circumspect and wary Chorus. "Wary ! Thisbe. If he should order iced champagne, Nobody surely can complain Of the Minister's charming Lady Secretary ! Chorus. She is the Minister's Lady Secretary — Thisbe. Tary ! Chorus. Always exceedingly circumspect and wary — Wary! If he should order iced champagne Nobody surely can complain Of the Minister's charming Lady Secretary ! Chorus. Violet. Chorus. No. 3. SONG.— Violet (Monckton). "The Gardening Angel." Since beautiful woman began To brighten this planet of ours, Her singular forte consisted in horti — Cultui'al growing of flowers. She may have the help of a man For digging or anything muddy, For woman must claim the profit and fame Of gardening viewed as a study ! Sing pansy and Michaelmas daisy Woman's the worker and man may be lazy, Scissors and trowel and watering can — Woman's the gardening angel of man. Sing pansy and Michaelmas daisy, etc. We teach all our dear little maids The methods of high cultivation : A woman will take a very bad rake And work an entire reformation ! At bridge she goes in for the spades No trumps is too awfully risky, But often succeeds in burning his weeds And carefully waters his whiskey. Sing daffodil, primrose and crocus, Often will husbandry vex and provoke us — Still we go on with our excellent plan — Woman's the gardening angel of man. Sing daffodil, primrose and crocus, etc. Violet. So look to your flowers, my dears, And try to be nearly as pretty, You'll find it's a route that brings you in fruit Like stocks, when they rose in the city. And making bouquets for peers A girl can put in little touches, Until she achieves the strawberry leaves And blooms out at Court as a Duchess ! Sing hyacinth, pink and narcissus ! Many a peer will be wanting to kiss us ! When we may possibly tell him he can — Woman's the gardening angel of man ! Chorus. Sing hyacinth, pink and narcissus, etc. Jo. Chorus. Jo. Chorus. Jo. Chorus. Jo. No. 4. SONG. — Jo and Chorus (Caryll). " Nobody and Somebody." 1. If I could be a girl in high society, Whose pedigree included a peer or two, I'd have the men about in great variety And keep them dangling on for a year or two ! But, as you see, I have no pedigree with me, When any nice young man comes a-wooing now, I say " I hope you'll wait and take some tea with me, And tell me everything you are doing now ! " And so, and so You know, although A nobody, a nobody — A nobody ! Whose blood is very far from being blue, I own it true, I've met, I've met You bet I'll get A somebody, a somehody — A somebody ! And that I think the proper thing to do — Don't you ? Don't you ? And so, and so, And so, although A nobody, a nobody — De trop body ! 8 Chorus. Jo. Whose blood is very far from being blue. We own it true — She's met, she's met, We bet she'll get A somebody, a somebody ! Big drum body ! And that she thinks the proper thing to do — Don't you ? Jo. Chorus. Jo. Chorus. Jo. Chorus. Jo. Chorus. Jo. Chorus. Jo. Chorus. If I were rich I'd let him pine dejectedly, And when he came one day to propose to me, I'd answer, " Sir ! this comes so unexpectedly ! I'll faint if you say such words as those to me ! " But when my boy inquired if I'd be wed to him, And begged a kiss, which no one had done before, I put my arms around him and I said to him, " Why couldn't you have asked me for one before ? " And so and so, You know, although A nobody, a nobody ! A nobody ! Whom nobody would pay attention to — Or care to woo, I yet may get You bet I'll get A somebody, a somebody ! A somebody ! And that's exactly what I mean to do — Don't you? Don't you ? And so, and so, You know, although A nobody, a nobody ! A nobody ! Whom nobody would pay attention to Or care to woo, She yet may get We bet she'll get A somebody — a somebody ! Big drum body ! And that's exactly what she means to do ! Don't you ? We do! 9 No. 5. SONG— Meakin (Caryll.) "I do all the dirty work " {Percy Greenbank.) Meakin. You amateurs try to run a garden Can never guess where all the work that's dirty lies, You talk a lot, but beggin' of your pardon You haven't had to dig or drain or fertilize. You're so mighty proud, you know, When you plant a seed or so, We can use spade and trowel too ! If your fingers you should mess, Off you run in great distress — For some soap and a towel too ! But I do all the dirty work I never shirk The dirty work ! I dig and drain and I root up all the weeds, And I nurse them hloomin' little seeds And when they just begin to sprout, Then round about Then round about I thin them out, I chase the grubs from the corners where they lurk. For I do all the dirty work ! Yes, you do all the dirty work ! etc. Chorus. Meakin. Chorus. Meakin. Chorus. Meakin. Chorus. 2. Meakin. Now some of you are foolish and romantic, And with your blessed love affairs employ yourselves, Although at times you nearly drive me frantic, I always try and help you to enjoy yourselves ! Many, many times have I Carried notes upon the sly ! Chorus. We'll have some for you presently ! Meakin. Half a crown I get from you, That ain't very much, it's true, Chorus. Still you smile very pleasantly, Meakin. Oh ! I do all the dirty work ! Chorus. You never shirk ! Meakin. I never shirk The dirty work ! All sorts of jobs I am called upon to do, So that a maid and man may bill and coo, If there should come a wedding day, 10 Chorus. Then couples gay, Meakin. Then couples gny Will drive away, They quite forget, as they nod and Low and smirk That I did all the dirty work ! Chorus. Yes, you did all the dirty work, etc. Violet. Gut. Jo. Ronald. Meakin. Jo and (_ Violet. \ Gut, Ronald, Meakin. Jo and Violet. Guy, Ronald, Meakin. All. Violet. No. 6. QUINTETTE (Percy Greenbank). Jo, Violet, Gut, Ronald and Meakin. " Oh, Mr. Registrar ! " For a stylish and up to date wedding Ev'ry well-to-do girl is inclined, It's her dearest delight To be maried in white With a bevy of beauty behind. But if relatives' wrath one is dreading, Such proceedings, of course, are absurd ! It is not very far To the gay Registrar And remember that mum is the word ! Mum is the word, Mum is the word ! Mum is the -word ! Mum is the word ! Oh, Mr. Registrar ! What a very obliging man you are ! Couples come from near and far — You save a deal of fuss We're not particu/ar, But a family row we always bar So Mr, Registrar, You are the man for us. Now when happy young couples go flocking To his office — in country or town, 11 Guy. Jo. Ronald. Me akin. Jo and Violet. Gut, Meakin, Ronald. Jo and Violet. Guy, Ronald Meakin. All. You have got to declare Certain things you're aware And the Registrar puts them all down. Then you sign with a pen that is shocking, And hef ore yoa have time to say " Knife In a grim sort of way He will murmur " Good-day ! " And you're legally husband and wife ! Husband and Wife ! Husband and Wife ! Husband and Wife ! Husband and Wife ! Oh, Mr. Registrar ! etc., etc. No. 7. ENTRANCE and SONG. Chorus and Scene. (Enter Thisbe.) Chorus (Visitors and Pupils.) Come ! Come ! Come ! Debutantes. (Visitors enter.) Come from confidential talks In the arbours and the walks, All the little shady bowers, That flirtation often haunts ! See the noble Countess come Like a tall chrysanthemum, And around her all the flowers Of her train of debutantes. ( Enter Debutantes.) Ensemble. We are little ladies in Society Always everywhere With a blase air, 12 A Girl Student. Chorus. Taking social pleasures to satiety ! Going where the Countess goes ! This is one of Lady Something's Colleges ! {Referring to cards.) Teaching gardening, What a splendid thing ! What a splendid thing ! How improving all this useful knowledge is ! And is that an orchid or a rose ? {Movement for Debutantes and Countess. Cries oiitside " Chesterton ! Chesterton ! ") There's the Minister for trade ! Don't you hear the shouting ? Such a fuss is always made When he takes an outing. Friends with joy and foes with fear, Own him bold and clever, Raise a hearty rousing cheer When you see his form appear, He is cominar, he is here ! Chesterton for ever ! No. 8. SONG. — Chesterton and Chorus (Monckton.) "Pushing." From the start of my existence I was noted for persistence, Whether learning, or engaging in a game, And my juvenile ambition often met with opposition, But I generally got there all the same ! Then to fortune, I may mention, I attained by the invention Of a simple but ingenious safety pin : It's what every lady uses for her dresses and her blouses, And it fastens by the way you push it in ! Pushful, pushful, I'm so very pushful ! First I land the bird in hand and then I bag the bushful, Tho' I've struck enough of luck according to appearance, That is all the product of a pushful perseverance. Chorus. Pushful, pushful, let us all be pushful First we'll land the bird in hand and then we'll bag the bushful, If you try to rise as high in credit and appearance, Pray persue the pathway of a pushful perseverance. 13 2. Then I found my native city was'nt either clean or pretty Or as healthy as I thought it out to be ; So I pushed into a station on the city corporation, And the subsequent results are there to see ! Gas and water, street and sewer, all are bigger, better, newer, And the smoke is not allowed to hide the sun ; Tho' the dull and unprogressive thought the cost would be excessive, Yet we paid a dividend before we'd done ! Pushful, Pushful, I'm so very pushful ! First I land the bird in hand and then I bag the bushful, If you mark a city park of exquisite appearance That is just the product of my pushful perseverance. Chorus. Pushful, pushful, let us all be pushful, etc. 3. Tho' my former friends at present are sarcastic and un- pleasant When they see that I am out and they are in, I ignore their aimless chatter for I know it doesn't matter And I go in for the Empire thick and thin ! I'm denounced in songs or sermons by the French or by the Germans, For my monstrous Mephistophelian aims, But I let them go on writing for I find when two are fighting, It is not the one who wins that calls the names ! Pushful, pushful, I'm so very pushful, First I land the bird in hand and then I bag the bushful, If the foes of Britain make a sudden disappearance, That is all the product of my pushful perseverance. Chorus. Pushful, pushful, let us all be pushful, etc. 4. Now by efforts well-directed I was very soon elected As a member of the British Parliament, And my labours were so hearty that the leaders of my party Turned the other people out — and in they went ! But their policy quixotic seemed to me unpatriotic, And I viewed them with considerable doubt ; And in rows with foreign nations they were seized with perturbations. As I couldn't push them in, I pushed them out ! Pushful, pushful, I'm so very pushful ! First I land the bird in hand and then I bag the bushful, At the next election there was quite a sweeping clearance That was all the product of my pushful perseverance. Chorus. Pushful, pushful, let us all be pushful, etc. 14 Violet. All. Jo. Guy and Jo. Violet and Ronald. All. Jo and Violet. Ronald. All. Guy. All. Guy. Jo. Violet and Ronald. All. No. 9. QUARTETTE (Caryll.) Violet, Jo, Guy, Ronald. "Our Marriage Lines." Our marriage lines ! Our marriage lines ! The magic in those simple signs — Can make our life a heaven — Can make our life a heaven ! How dear to bridegroom and to bride That copy duly certified That cost but two and seven — That cost but two and seven ! We're married now, though not a vow Was said in stately Minster, And you're no more a bachelor, And I'm no more a spinster. Ding dong ! Ding dong ! Oh ! marriage lines ! Oh ! marriage lines ! What fond romance around you twines. We would not give for Afric's mines Our marriage lines — our marriage lines ! We treasure them in rapture fond, And scorn to change that written bond For all the bonds of Steel "combines," Our marriage, marriage lines ! That Registrar, that Registrar, Has broken every hateful bar That kept our hearts asunder — That kept our hearts asunder ! Some words he said, some fees he took, He made some entries in a book, And worked the happy wonder ! And worked the happy wonder! No sort of strain can break the chain The mild official forges ! We're just as glad as if we'd had A wedding at St. George's ! Ding dong ! Ding dong ! Oh, Registrar ! Oh, Registrar ! You sit beneath a happy star ! We honour more than King or Czar Teat Registrar, that Registrar ! And when his term of office ends, We hope to see his grateful friends Present him with a motor car, That Regi — Registrar ! 15 Jo. Violet No. 10. QUARTETTE. Jo, Violet, Guy, Ronald. "The wedding trip." Now we're married as the law demands- That is carried by a show of hands, (Girls show rhigs.) Jo and Violet. Shall we scatter on our honeymoon ? Gut and Ronald. That's a matter we must settle soon. Guy. Ronald. All. All. Violet. Jo. Ronald. Guy. Violet and Guy. Jo and Ronald. All. Brighton's sunny, but a bit too far — I've no money for the Pullman car ! Let's be jolly, if the funds are short — Take a trolley car to Hampton Court ! Yes, a trolley car to Hampton Court ! For we must have a wedding trip, trip, trip ! On a train or a bus or a ship, ship, ship ! Or charter a chap With a donkey trap Or an automobile with a pip-pip-pip ! We may go to the sea to dip, dip, dip ! Or a mineral spring we sip, sip, sip — But we must not stop In the same old shop We must trip for a trip, trip, trip, trip, trip ! 2. Our relations may at first object — Complications we must all expect ! There's no knowing what may happen now — Oh ! there's going to be such a row ! Had we better go away in time, Send a letter from a foreign clime ? That is clever, but a trifle rash, We could never get the needful cash ! But we must have a wedding trip, trip, trip, And we'll give all the world the slip, slip, slip For we don't much care To have our affair As a topic on ev'ry lip, lip, lip ! If an uncle will stand a tip, tip, tip, Or an Aunt give us cash or scrip, scrip, scrip, Then the four will choose In about two twos To be off on a trip, trip, trip, trip, trip ! 16 No. 11. DUET. Caroline and Meakin (Percy Greenbank). Caroline. The cuckoo is calling aloud to his mate, The turtle dove cooes on its nest ; And Oh ! I am longing to meet with my fate Whose photo lies hid in my breast. Ah ! will he be tender and loving and sweet, To one so unworthy as me, And fondle me much as I sit at his feet, Or sometimes perhaps on his knee ? Meakin. Or sometimes perhaps on his knee. Caroline. Life is a pudding, Love is a plum ; Into my brain Now and a