THE LIBRARY OF THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LOS ANGELES Stalky & Co. " ' There was a bit of scrimmage.' " (Seepage Stalky & Co. By Rudyard Kipling Author of " Plain Tales from the Hills," "The Seven Seas," "The Jungle Books," " The Day's Work," etc. GARDEN CITY NEW YORK DOUBLEDAY, PAGE & COMPANY 1919 Copyright, 1897, 1898, 1899, BY RUDYARD KIPLING. TW 3 S7S TO CORMELL PRICE Head-Master, United Services College, Westward Ho, Bideford, North Devon, 1874-1884 5000900 *Let us now praise famous mn" Men of little showing For their work continueth, And their work continueth^ Greater than their knowing. Western wind and open surge Tore us from our mothers ; Flung us on a naked shore (Twelve bleak houses by the shore I Seven summers by tLe shore ! ) 'Mid two hundred brothers. There we met with famous men Set in office o'er us. And they beat on us with rods Faithfully with many rods Daily beat us on w r ith rods For the love they bore us ! Out of Egypt unto Troy Over Himalaya Far and sure our bands have gone Hy Brasil or Babylon, Islands of the Southern Run, And cities of Cathaia ! And we all praise famous men Ancients of the College ; For they taught us common sense Tried to teach us common sense Truth and God's Own Common Sense Which is more than knowledge 1 Each degree of Latitude Strung about Creation Seeth one (or more) of us, (Of one muster all of us Of one master all of us ) Keen in his vocation. This we learned from famous men Knowing not its uses When they showed in daily work Man must finish off his work Right or wrong, his daily work And without excuses. Servants of the staff and chain, Mine and fuse and grapnel Some before the face of Kings, Stand before the face of Kings; Bearing gifts to divers Kings-^ Gifts of Case and Shrapnel. This we learned from famous men Teaching in our borders. Who declared it was best, Safest, easiest and best Expeditious, wise and best To obey your orders. Some beneath the further stars Bear the greater burden. Set to serve the lands they rule, (Save he serve no man may rule) Serve and love the lands theyrule; Seeking praise nor guerdon. This we learned from famous men Knowing not we learned it. Only, as the years went by Lonely, as the years went by Far from help as years went by Plainer we discerned it. Wherefore praise we famous men From whose bays we borrow v They that put aside Today All the joys of their Today And with toil of their Today Bought for us Tomorrow ! Bless and praise we famous men' Men of little showing ! For their work continueth And their work continueth Broad and deep continueth Great beyond their knowing! Copyright, 1899, by Rudyard Kipling. CONTENTS PAGE I. IN AMBUSH ..... i II. SLAVES OF THE LAMP PART I. . .44 III. AN UNSAVORY INTERLUDE ... 74 IV. THE IMPRESSIONISTS . . . .115 V. THE MORAL REFORMERS . . . 149 VI. A LITTLE PREP. . . . .182 VII. THE FLAG OF THEIR COUNTRY . .215 VIII. THE LAST TERM .... 249 IX. SLAVES OF THE LAMP PART II. . 281 ILLUSTRATIONS u c There was a bit of scrimmage ' ' . . Frontispiece FACING PACK ' ' The keeper . . . fired both barrels in their direction " 10 <{ Prout's juniors hurled themselves into the war" 98 " ' Rescue Kings ! Kings! Kings!' . . . 124 " The bleatin' of the kid excites the tiger" . . 154 u Are all parents incurably mad ? " . . . . 178 " Propped up on one arm, blazing away with a revolver" 204 " The luckless prefect fled " 260 "IN AMBUSH." IN summer all right-minded boys built huts in the furze-hill behind the College little lairs whittled out of the heart of the prickly bushes, full of stumps, odd root-ends, and spikes, but, since they were strictly forbidden, palaces of delight. And for the fifth summer in succession, Stalky, McTurk, and Beetle (this was before they reached the dignity of a study) had built like beavers a place of retreat and meditation, where they smoked. Now, there was nothing in their characters as known to Mr. Prout, their house-master, at all commanding respect ; nor did Foxy, the subtle red-haired school Sergeant, trust them. His busi- ness was to wear tennis-shoes, carry binoculars, and swoop hawklike upon evil boys. Had he taken the field alone, that hut would have been raided, for Foxy knew the manners of his quarry ; but Providence moved Mr. Prout, whose school- name, derived from the size of his feet, was Hoofer, to investigate on his own account; and it was the cautious Stalky who found the track of his pugs on [1] STALKY & CO. the very floor of their lair one peaceful afternoon when Stalky would fain have forgotten Prout and his works in a volume of Surtees and a new briar- wood pipe. Crusoe, at sight of the footprint, did not act more swiftly than Stalky. He removed the pipes, swept up all loose match-ends, and departed to warn Beetle and McTurk. But it was characteristic of the boy that he did not approach his allies till he had met and con- ferred with little Hartopp, President of the Nat- ural History Society, an institution which Stalky held in contempt. Hartopp was more than sur- prised when the boy meekly, as he knew how, begged to propose himself, Beetle, and McTurk as candidates ; confessed to a long-smothered inter- est in first- flowerings, early butterflies, and new arrivals, and volunteered, if Mr. Hartopp saw fit, to enter on the new life at once. Being a master, Hartopp was suspicious ; but he was also an enthusiast, and his gentle little soul had been galled by chance-heard remarks from the three, and specially Beetle. So he was gracious to that repentant sinner, and entered the three names in his book. Then, and not till then, did Stalky seek Beetle and McTurk in their house form-room. They were stowing away books for a quiet afternoon in the furze, which they called the " wuzzy." ' IN AMBUSH." "All up," said Stalky, serenely. "I spotted Heffy 's fairy feet round our hut after dinner. 'Blessing they're so big." "Con-found! Did you hide our pipes?" said Beetle. " Oh, no. Left 'em in the middle of the hut, of course. What a blind ass you are, Beetle ! D'you think nobody thinks but yourself? Well, we can't use the hut any more. Hoofer will be watchin' it." " ' Bother ! Likewise blow ! ' ' said McTurk thoughtfully, unpacking the volumes with which his chest was cased. The boys carried their libraries between their belt and their collar. "Nice job ! This means we're under suspicion for the rest of the term. ' ' "Why? All that Heffy has found is a hut. He and Foxy will watch it. It's nothing to do with us ; only we mustn't be seen that way for a bit." " Yes, and where else are we to go ? " said Beetle. "You chose that place, too an' an' I wanted to read this afternoon." Stalky sat on a desk drumming his heels on the form. " You're a despondin' brute, Beetle. Sometimes I think I shall have to drop you altogether. Did you ever know your Uncle Stalky forget you yet? [3] STALKY & CO. His rebus infectis after I'd seen Heffy's man-tracks marchin' round our hut, I found little Hartopp destricto ense wavin' a butterfly-net. I conciliated Hartopp. 'Told him that you'd read papers to the Bug-hunters if he'd let you join, Beetle. 'Told him you liked butterflies, Turkey. Anyhow, I soothed the Hartoffles, and we're Bug-hunters now." " What's the good of that ? " said Beetle. " Oh, Turkey, kick him! " In the interests of science bounds were largely relaxed for the members of the Natural History Society. They could wander, if they kept clear of all houses, practically where they chose ; Mr. Har- topp holding himself responsible for their good con- duct. Beetle began to see this as McTurk began the kicking. "I'm an ass, Stalky!" he said, guarding the afflicted part. " Pax, Turkey. I'm an ass." " Don't stop, Turkey. Isn't your Uncle Stalky a great man?" " Great man," said Beetle. "All the same bug-huntin's a filthy business," said McTurk. " How the deuce does one begin ? " "This way," said Stalky, turning to some fags' lockers behind him. " Fags are dabs at Natural History. Here's young Braybrooke's botany-case. ' ' He flung out a tangle of decayed roots and adjusted " IN AMBUSH. " the slide. " 'Gives one no end of a prof essional air, I think. Here's Clay Minor's geological hammer. Beetle can carry that. Turkey, you'd better covet a butterfly-net from somewhere. ' ' "I'm blowed if I do," said McTurk, simply, with imniense feeling. " Beetle, give me the hammer. ' ' "All right, /'m not proud. Chuck us down that net on top of the lockers, Stalky." "That's all right. It's a collapsible jamboree, too. Beastly luxurious dogs these fags are. Built like a fishin'-rod. 'Pon my sainted Sam, but we look the complete Bug-hunters ! Now, listen to your Uncle Stalky! We're goin' along the cliffs after butterflies. Yery few chaps come there. We're goin' to leg it, too. You'd better leave your book behind." "Not much!" said Beetle, firmly. "I'm not goin' to be done out of my fun for a lot of filthy butterflies." " Then you'll sweat horrid. You'd better carry my Jorrocks. 'Twon't make you any hotter." They all sweated ; for Stalky led them at a smart trot west away along the cliffs under the furze-hills, crossing combe after gorzy combe. They took no heed to flying rabbits or fluttering fritillaries, and all that Turkey said of geology was utterly un- quotable. STALKY & CO. " Are we going to Clovelly ? " he puffed at last, and they flung themselves down on the short, springy turf between the* drone of the sea below and the light summer wind among the inland trees. They were looking into a combe half full of old, high furze in gay bloom that ran up to a fringe of brambles and a dense wood of mixed timber and hollies. It was as though one-half the combe were filled with golden fire to the cliff's edge. The side nearest to them was open grass, and fairly bristled with notice-boards. " Fee-rocious old cove, this," said Stalky, reading the nearest. " ' Prosecuted with the utmost rigour of the law. G. M. Dabney, Col., J.P.J an' all the rest of it. 'Don't seem to me that any chap in his senses would trespass here, does it? " " You've got to prove damage 'fore you can' prosecute for anything! 'Can't prosecute for tres- pass," said McTurk, whose father held many acres in Ireland. < That's all rot ! ' ' " Glad of that, 'cause this looks like what we wanted. Not straight across, Beetle, you blind lunatic! Anyone could spot us half a mile off. This way ; and furl up your beastly butterfly- net." Beetle disconnected the ring, thrust the net into a pocket, shut up the handle to a two-foot stave, and slid the cane-ring round his waist. Stalky led in- 16] " IN AMBUSH.' 1 land to the wood, which was, perhaps, a quarter of a mile from the sea, and reached the fringe of tho brambles. "Now we can get straight down through the furze, and never show up at all, ' ' said the tactician. ' ' Beetle, go ahead and explore. Snf ! Snf ! Beastly stink of fox somewhere ! ' ' On all fours, save when he clung to his spectacles, Beetle wormed into the gorse, and presently an- nounced between grunts of pain that he had found a very fair fox-track. This was well for Beetle, since Stalky pinched him a tergo. Down that tun- nel they crawled. It was evidently a highway for the inhabitants of the combe ; and, to their inex- pressible joy, ended, at the very edge of the cliff, in a few square feet of dry turf walled and roofed with impenetrable gorse. "By gum! There isn't a single thing to do ex- cept lie down," said Stalky, returning a knife to his pocket. " Look here ! " He parted the tough stems before him, and it was as a window opened on a far view of Lundy, and the deep sea sluggishly nosing the pebbles a couple of hundred feet below. They could hear young jack- daws squawking on the ledges, the hiss and jabber of a nest of hawks somewhere out of sight; and, with great deliberation, Stalky spat on to the back of a young rabbit sunning himself far down where STALKY & CO. only a cliff-rabbit could have found foot-hold. Great gray and black gulls screamed against the jackdaws ; the heavy-scented acres of bloom round them were alive with low-nesting birds, singing or silent as the shadow of the wheeling hawks passed and returned; and on the naked turf across the combe rabbits thumped and frolicked. "Whew! What a place! Talk of natural his- tory; this is it," said Stalky, filling himself a pipe. "Isn't it scrumptious? Good old sea!" He spat again approvingly, and was silent. McTurk and Beetle had taken out their books and were lying on their stomachs, chin in hand. The sea snored and gurgled ; the birds, scattered for the moment by these new animals, returned to their businesses, and the boys read on in the rich, warm, sleepy silence. "Hullo, here's a keeper," said Stalky, shutting " Handley Cross" cautiously, and peering through the jungle. A man with a gun appeared on the sky-line to the east. "Confound him, he's going to sit down. ' ' " He'd swear we were poachin', too," said Beetle. "What's the good of pheasants' eggs? They're always addled, too." "Might as well get up to the wood, /think," said Stalky. " We don't want G. M. Dabney, Col., J.P., to be bothered about us so soon. Up the [8] IN AMBUSH." wuzzy and keep quiet ! He may have followed us, you know." Beetle was already far up the tunnel. They heard him gasp indescribably : there was the crash of a heavy body leaping through the furze. " Aie ! yeou little red rascal. I see yeou !" The keeper threw the gun to his shoulder, and fired both barrels in their direction. The pellets dusted the dry stems round them as a big fox plunged be* tween Stalky 's legs, and ran over the cliff -edge. They said nothing till they reached the wood, torn, dishevelled, hot, but unseen. "Narrow squeak," said Stalky. "I'll swear some of the pellets went through my hair. ' ' " Did you see him ? " said Beetle. " I almost put my hand on him. Wasn't he a wopper ! Didn't he stink ! Hullo, Turkey, what's the matter ? Are you hit?" McTurk's lean face had turned pearly white ; his mouth, generally half open, was tight shut, and his eyes blazed. They had never seen him like this save once in a sad time of civil war. " Do you know that that was just as bad as mur- der?" he said, in a grating voice, as he brushed prickles from his head. " Well, he didn't hit us," said Stalky. " I think it was rather a lark. Here, where are you going ? " " I'm going up to the house, if there is one," said [9] STALKY & CO. McTurk, pushing through the hollies. "I am go- ing to tell this Colonel Dabney." "Are you crazy? He'll swear it served us jolly well right. He'll report us. It'll be a public lickin'. Oh, Turkey, don't be an ass! Think of us!" "You fool!" said McTurk, turning savagely. "D'you suppose I'm thinkin' of us? It's the keeper." "He's cracked," said Beetle, miserably, as they followed. Indeed, this was a new Turkey a haughty, angular, nose-lifted Turkey whom they accompanied through a shrubbery on to a lawn, where a white-whiskered old gentleman with a cleek was alternately putting and blaspheming vigor- ously. "Are you Colonel Dabney?" McTurk began in this new creaking voice of his. " I I am, and " his eyes traveled up and down the boy "who what the devil d'you want? Ye've been disturbing my pheasants. Don't at- tempt to deny it. Ye needn't laugh at it." (Mc- Turk's not too lovely features had twisted them- selves into a horrible sneer at the word pheasant.) "You've been birds' -nesting. You needn't hide your hat. I can see that you belong to the College. Don't attempt to deny it. Ye do ! Your name and number at once, sir. Ye want to speak to me [10] The keeper , , , fired both barrels in their direction. " IN AMBUSH. " Eh? You saw my notice-boards? Must have. Don't attempt to deny it. Te did ! Damnable, oh damnable ! " He choked with emotion. McTurk's heel tapped the lawn and he stuttered a little two sure signs that he was losing his temper. But why should he, the offender, be angry ? "Lo-look here, sir. Do do you shoot foxes? Because, if you don't, your keeper does. "We've seen him ! I do-don't care what you call us but it's an awful thing. It's the ruin of good feelin' among neighbors. A ma-man ought to say once and for all how he stands about preservin'. It's worse than murder, because there's no legal rem- edy." McTurk was quoting confusedly from his father, while the old gentleman made noises in his throat. " Do you know who I am? " he gurgled at last; Stalky and Beetle quaking. "No, sorr, nor do I care if ye belonged to the Castle itself. Answer me now, as one gentleman to another. Do ye shoot foxes or do ye not ? " And four years before Stalky and Beetle had care- fully kicked McTurk out of his Irish dialect ! As- suredly he had gone mad or taken a sunstroke, and as assuredly he would be slain once by the old gen- tleman and once by the Head. A public licking for the three was the least they could expect. Yet [11] STALKY & CO. if their eyes and ears were to be trusted the old gentleman had collapsed. It might be a lull before the storm, but " I do not. " He was still gurgling. ' ' Then you must sack your keeper. He's not fit to live in the same county with a God-fearin' fox. An' a vixen, too at this time o' year ! ' ' " Did ye come up on purpose to tell me this ? " " Of course I did, ye silly man," with a stamp of the foot. ' ' Would you not have done as much for me if you'd seen that thing happen on my land, now?" Forgotten forgotten was the College and the decency due to elders ! McTurk was treading again the barren purple mountains of the rainy "West coast, where in his holidays he was viceroy of four thousand naked acres, only son of a three-hundred- year-old house, lord of a crazy fishing-boat, and the idol of his father's shiftless tenantry. It was the landed man speaking to his equal deep calling to deep and the old gentleman acknowledged the cry. "I apologize," said he. "I apologize unre- servedly to you, and to the Old Country. Now, will you be good enough to tell me your story? " ""We were in your combe," McTurk began, and he told his tale alternately as a schoolboy and, when the iniquity of the thing overcame him, as ail [12] " IN AMBUSH. " indignant squire; concluding: " So you see he must be in the habit of it. I we one never wants to accuse a neighbor's man ; but I took the liberty in this case " "I see. Quite so. For a reason ye had. In- famous -oh, infamous ! " The two had fallen into step beside each other on the lawn, and Colonel Dabney was talking as one man to another. " This comes of promoting a fisherman a fisherman from his lobster-pots. It's enough to ruin the reputation of an archangel. Don't attempt to deny it. It is ! Your father has brought you up well. He has. I'd much like the pleasure of his acquaintance. Very much, indeed. And these young gentlemen ? English they are. Don't attempt to deny it. They came up with you, too ? Extraordinary ! Extra- ordinary, now ! In the present state of education I shouldn't have thought any three boys would be well enough grounded. . . . But out of the mouths of No no ! Not that by any odds. Don't attempt to deny it. Ye're not ! Sherry always catches me under the liver, but beer, now ? Eh? What d'you say to beer, and something to eat ? It's long since I was a boy abominable nui- sances ; but exceptions prove the rule. And a vixen, too ! " They were fed on the terrace by a gray-haired housekeeper. Stalky and Beetle merely ate, but fl3] STALKY & CO. McTurk with bright eyes continued a free and lofty discourse; and ever the old gentleman treated him as a brother. "My dear man, of course ye can come again. Did I not say exceptions prove the rule? The lower combe? Man, dear, anywhere ye please, so long as you do not disturb my pheasants. The two are not incompatible. Don't attempt to deny it. They're not! I'll never allow another gun, though. Come and go as ye please. I'll not see you, and ye needn't see me. Ye've been well brought up. An- other glass of beer, now ? I tell you a fisherman he was and a fisherman he shall be to-night again. He shall ! Wish I could drown him. I'll convoy you to the Lodge. My people are not precisely ah broke to boy, but they'll know you again." He dismissed them with many compliments by the high Lodge-gate in the split-oak park palings and they stood still; even Stalky, who had played sec- ond, not to say a dumb, fiddle, regarding McTurk as one from another world. The two glasses of strong home-brewed had brought a melancholy upon the boy, for, slowly strolling with his hands in his pockets, he crooned: " Oh, Paddy dear, and did ye hear the news that's goin' round? " Under other circumstances Stalky and Beetle would have fallen upon him, for that song was barred utterly anathema the sin of witchcraft. [14] " IN AMBUSH." But seeing what he had wrought, they danced round him in silence, waiting till it pleased him to touch earth. The tea-bell rang when they were still half a mile from College. McTurk shivered and came out of dreams. The glory of his holiday estate had left him. He was a Colleger of the College, speaking English once more. " Turkey, it was immense ! " said Stalky, gener- ously. " I didn't know you had it in you. You've got us a hut for the rest of the term, where we sim- ply can't be collared. Fids ! Fids ! Oh, Fids ! I gloat ! Hear me gloat ! " They spun wildly on their heels, jodeling after the accepted manner of a "gloat," which is not un- remotely allied to the primitive man's song of tri- umph, and dropped down the hill by the path from the gasometer just in time to meet their house-mas- ter, who had spent the afternoon watching their abandoned hut in the " wuzzy." Unluckily, all Mr. Prout's imagination leaned to the darker side of life, and he looked on those young-eyed cherubims most sourly. Boys that he understood attended house-matches and could be accounted for at any moment. But he had heard McTurk openly deride cricket even house-matches ; Beetle's views on the honor of the house he knew were incendiary ; and he could never tell when the [15] STALKY & CO. soft and smiling Stalky was laughing at him. Consequently since human nature is what it is those boys had been doing wrong somewhere. He hoped it was nothing very serious, but . . . " Ti-ra-la-la-i-tu ! I gloat ! Hear me ! " Stalky, still on his heels, whirled like a dancing dervish to the dining-hall. "Ti-ra-la-la-i-tu! I gloat ! Hear me !" Beetle spun behind him with outstretched arms. " Ti-ra-la-la-i-lu ! I gloat! Hear me!" Mc- Turk's voice cracked. Now was there or was there not a distinct flavor of beer as they shot past Mr. Prout ? He was unlucky in that his conscience as a house- master impelled him to consult his associates. Had he taken his pipe and his troubles to little Har- topp's rooms he would, perhaps, have been saved confusion, for Hartopp believed in boys, and knew something about them. His fate led him to King, a fellow house-master, no friend of his, but a zealous hater of Stalky & Co. " Ah-haa ! " said King, rubbing his hands when the tale was told. " Curious ! Now my house never dream of doing these things." "But you see I've no proof, exactly." " Proof? With the egregious Beetle ! As if one wanted it ! I suppose it is not impossible for the Sergeant to supply it ? Foxy is considered at least [16] "IN AMBUSH." a match for any evasive boy in rny house. Of course they were smoking and drinking somewhere. That type of boy always does. They think it manly." "But they've no following in the school, and they are distinctly er brutal to their juniors," said Prout, who had from a distance seen Beetle return, with interest, his butterfly-net to a tearful fag. "Ah! They consider themselves superior to ordinary delights. Self -sufficient little animals ! There's something in McTurk's Hibernian sneer that would make me a little annoyed. And they are so careful to avoid all overt acts, too. It's sheer calculated insolence. I am strongly opposed, as you know, to interfering with another man's house; but they need a lesson, Prout. They need a sharp lesson, if only to bring down their over- weening self-conceit. "Were I you, I should devote myself for a week to their little performances. Boys of that order and I may flatter myself, but I think I know boys don't join the Bug-hunters for love. Tell the Sergeant to keep his eye open; and, of course, In my peregrinations I may casually keep mine open, too." " Ti-ra-la-la-i-tu ! I gloat! Hear me!" far down the corridor. "Disgusting!" said King. "Where do they pick up these obscene noises ? One sharp lesson is what they want." 3 [17] STALKY & CO. The boys did not concern themselves with lessons for the next few days. They had all Colonel Dab- ney's estate to play with, and they explored it with the stealth of Red Indians and the accuracy of burglars. They could enter either by the Lodge- gates on the upper road they were careful to in- gratiate themselves with the Lodge-keeper and his wife drop down into the combe, and return along the cliffs; or they could begin at the combe, and climb up into the road. They were careful not to cross the Colonel's path he had served his turn, and they would not out- wear their welcome nor did they show up on the sky-line when they could move in cover. The shel- ter of the gorze by the cliff-edge was their chosen retreat. Beetle christened it the Pleasant Isle of Aves, for the peace and the shelter of it ; and here, the pipes and tobacco once cached in a convenient ledge an arm's length down the cliff, their position was legally unassailable. For, observe, Colonel Dabney had not invited them to enter his house. Therefore, they did not need to ask specific leave to go visiting ; and school rules were strict on that point. He had merely thrown open his grounds to them ; and, since they were lawful Bug-hunters, their extended bounds ran up to his notice-boards in the combe and his Lodge- gates on the hill. [18] "IN AMBUSH." They were amazed at their own virtue. " And even if it wasn't," said Stalky, flat on his back, staring into the blue. "Even suppose we were miles out of bounds, no one could get at us through this wuzzy, unless he knew the tunnel. Isn't this better than lyin' up just behind the Coll. in a blue funk every time we had a smoke ? Isn't your Uncle Stalky ? " a No," said Beetle he was stretched at the edge of the cliff spitting thoughtfully. "We've got to thank Turkey for this. Turkey is the Great Man. Turkey, dear, you're distressing Heffles." "Gloomy old ass!" said McTurk, deep in a book. "They've got us under suspicion," said Stalky. " Hoophats is so suspicious somehow ; and Foxy always makes every stalk he does a sort of sort of " " Scalp, " said Beetle. "Foxy's a giddy Chin- gangook. ' ' "Poor Foxy," said Stalky. "He's goin' to catch us one of these days. 'Said to me in the Gym last night, ' I've got my eye on you, Mister Cork- ran. I'm only warning you for your good.' Then I said : ' "Well, you jolly well take it off again, or you'll get into trouble. I'm only warnin' you for your good.' Foxy was wrath. " "Yes, but it's only fair sport for Foxy," said [19] STALKY & CO. Beetle. "It's Hefflelinga that has the evil mind. 'Shouldn't wonder if he thought we got tight." "I never got squiffy but once that was in the holidays," said Stalky, reflectively; "an' it made me horrid sick. 'Pon my sacred Sam, though, it's enough to drive a man to drink, havin' an animal like Hoof for house-master." "If we attended the matches an' yelled, 'Well hit, sir,' an' stood on one leg an' grinned every time Heffy said, l So ho, my sons. Is it thus ? ' an' said, 'Yes, sir,' an' 'No, sir,' an' ' O, sir,' an' 1 Please, sir, ' like a lot o' filthy fa-ags, Heffy 'ud think no end of us," said McTurk with a sneer. " Too late to begin that." "It's all right. The Hefflelinga means well. But he is an ass. And we show him that we think he's an ass. An' so Heffy don't love us. 'Told me last night after prayers that he was in loco pa- rentis," Beetle grunted. "The deuce he did!" cried Stalky. "That means he's maturin' something unusual dam' mean. Last time he told me that he gave me three hundred lines for dancin' the cachuca in Number Ten dor- mitory. Loco parentis, by gum ! But what's the odds as long as you're 'appy ? We're all right. ' ' They were, and their very rightness puzzled Prout, King, and the Sergeant. Boys with bad consciences show it. They slink out past the Fives [20] " IN AMBUSH.'' Court in haste, and smile nervously when ques- tioned. They return, disordered, in bare time to save a call-over. They nod and wink and giggle one to the other, scattering at the approach of a master. But Stalky and his allies had long out- lived these manifestations of youth. They strolled forth unconcernedly, and returned in excellent shape after a light refreshment of strawberries and cream at the Lodge. The Lodge-keeper had been promoted to keeper, vice the murderous fisherman, and his wife made much of the boys. The man, too, gave them a squirrel, which they presented to the Natural His- tory Society; thereby checkmating little Hartopp, who wished to know what they were doing for Science. Foxy faithfully worked some deep Devon lanes behind a lonely cross-roads inn; and it was curious that Prout and King, members of Common- room seldom friendly, walked together in the same direction that is to say, northeast. Now, the Pleasant Isle of Aves lay due southwest. "They're deep day-vilish deep," said Stalky. " Why are they drawin' those covers? " "Me," said Beetle sweetly. "I asked Foxy if he had ever tasted the beer there. That was enough for Foxy, and it cheered him up a little. He and Heffy were sniffin' round our old hut so long I thought they'd like a change." [21] STALKY & CO. "Well, it can't last forever," said Stalky. " Heffy's bankin' up like a thunder-cloud, an' King goes rubbin' his beastly hands, an' grinnin' like a hyena. It's shockin' demoralizin' for King. He'll burst some day." That day came a little sooner than they expected came when the Sergeant, whose duty it was to collect defaulters, did not attend an afternoon call- over. " Tired of pubs, eh ? He's gone up to the top of the hill with his binoculars to spot us," said Stalky. " "Wonder he didn't think of that before. Did you see old Heffy cock his eye at us when we answered our names? Heffy's in it, too. Ti-ra-la-la-i-tu ! I gloat ! Hear me ! Come on ! " "Aves?" said Beetle. "Of course, but I'm not smokin' aiijcwrd' hui. Parce ; private with you. Ye can be as private as ye please the other end of the bench ; and I wish ye a very good afternoon. ' ' McTurk yawned. "Well, ye should ha' come up to the lodge like Christians instead o' chasin' your a-hem boys through the length an' breadth of my covers. / think these house-matches are all rot. Let's go over to Colonel Dabney's an' see if he's collared any more poachers." That afternoon there was joy in Aves. [43] SLAVES OF THE LAMP. THE music-room on the top floor of Number Five was filled with the "Aladdin" company at re- hearsal. Dickson Quartus, commonly known as Dick Four, was Aladdin, stage-manager, ballet- master, half the orchestra, and largely librettist, for the "book" had been rewritten and filled with local allusions. The pantomime was to be given next week, in the down-stairs study occupied by Aladdin, Abanazar, and the Emperor of China. The Slave of the Lamp, with the Princess Badroul- badour and the Widow Twankay, owned Number Five study across the same landing, so that the com- pany could be easily assembled. The floor shook to the stamp-and-go of the ballet, while Aladdin, in pink cotton tights, a blue and tinsel jacket, and a plumed hat, banged alternately on the piano and his banjo. He was the moving spirit of the game, as befitted a senior who had passed his Army Pre- liminary and hoped to enter Sandhurst next spring. Aladdin came to his own at last, Abanazar lay poisoned on the floor, the Widow Twankay [44] SLAVES OF THE LAMP. danced her dance, and the company decided it would " come all right on the night." "What about the last song, though?" said the Emperor, a tallish, fair-headed boy with a ghost of a mustache, at which he pulled manfully. "We need a rousing old tune." " ' John Peel ' ? ' Drink, Puppy, Drink ' ? " sug- gested Abanazar, smoothing his baggy lilac pa- jamas. " Pussy " Abanazar never looked more than one-half awake, but he owned a soft, slow smile which well suited the part of the Wicked Uncle. "Stale," said Aladdin. "Might as well have 'Grandfather's Clock.' What's that thing you were humming at prep, last night, Stalky? " Stalky, The Slave of the Lamp, in black tights and doublet, a black silk half-mask on his forehead, whistled lazily where he lay on the top of the piano. It was a catchy music-hall tune. Dick Four cocked his head critically, and squinted down a large red nose. "Once more, and I can pick it up," he said, strumming. " Sing the words. " "Arrah, Patsy, mind the baby! Arrah, Patsy, mind the child ! Wrap him in an overcoat, he's surely going wild ! Arrah, Patsy, mind the baby ! just you mind the child awhile ! He'll kick and bite and cry all night ! Arrah, Patsy, mind the child!" [45] STALKY & CO. "Rippin'! Oh, rippin'!" said Dick Four. "Only we shan't have any piano on the night. We must work it with the banjoes play an' dance at the same time. You try, Tertius." The Emperor pushed aside his pea-green sleeves of state, and followed Dick Four on a heavy nickel- plated banjo. "Yes, but I'm dead all this time. Bung in the middle of the stage, too," said Abanazar. "Oh, that's Beetle's biznai," said Dick Four. "Vamp it up, Beetle. Don't keep us waiting all night. You've got to get Pussy out of the light somehow, and bring us all in dancin' at the end." "All right. You two play it again," said Beetle, who, in a gray skirt and a wig of chestnut sausage- curls, set slantwise above a pair of spectacles mended with an old boot-lace, represented the Widow Twankay. He waved one leg in time to the hammered refrain, and the banjoes grew louder. "Um! Ah! Er 'Aladdin now has won his wife, ' " he sang, and Dick Four repeated it. " ' Your Emperor is appeased.' ' Tertius flung out his chest as he delivered his line. "Now jump up, Pussy ! Say, 'I think I'd bet- ter come to life ! ' Then we all take hands and come forward: 'We hope you've all been pleased. ' Twiggez-vous f " "Nous twiggons. Good enough. What's the [46] SLAVES OF THE LAMP. chorus for the final ballet ? It's four kicks and a turn," said Dick Four. " Oh ! Er ! John Short will ring the curtain down. And ring the prompter's bell ; We hope you know before you go That we all wish you well." "Kippin' ! Kippin' ! Now for the Widow's scene with the Princess. Hurry up, Turkey." McTurk, in a violet silk skirt and a coquettish blue turban, slouched forward as one thoroughly ashamed of himself. The Slave of the Lamp climbed down from the piano, and dispassionately kicked him. "Play up, Turkey," he said; "this is serious." But there fell on the door the knock of authority. It happened to be King, in gown and mortar-board, enjoying a Saturday evening prowl before dinner. "Locked doors! Locked doors!" he snapped with a scowl. "What's the meaning of this; and what, may I ask, is the intention of this this epi- cene attire?" "Pantomime, sir. The Head gave us leave," said Abanazar, as the only member of the Sixth concerned. Dick Four stood firm in the confidence born of well-fitting tights, but Beetle strove to efface himself behind the piano. A gray princess- [4Y] STALKY & CO. skirt borrowed from a day-boy's mother and a spotted cotton bodice unsystematically padded with imposition-paper make one ridiculous. And in other regards Beetle had a bad conscience. "As usual!" sneered King. "Futile foolery just when your careers, such as they may be, are hanging in the balance. I see ! Ah, I see ! The old gang of criminals allied forces of disorder Corkran " the Slave of the Lamp smiled politely " McTurk " the Irishman scowled " and, of course, the unspeakable Beetle, our friend Giga- dibs." Abanazar, the Emperor, and Aladdin had more or less of characters, and King passed them over. "Come forth, my inky buffoon, from be- hind yonder instrument of music ! You supply, I presume, the doggerel for this entertainment. Es- teem yourself to be, as it were, a poet ? ' ' " He's found one of 'em," thought Beetle, noting the flush on King's cheek-bone. " I have just had the pleasure of reading an effu- sion of yours to my address, I believe an effusion intended to rhyme. So so you despise me, Master Gigadibs, do you? I am quite aware you need not explain that it was ostensibly hot intended for my edification. I read it with laughter yes, with laughter. These paper pellets of inky boys still a boy we are, Master Gigadibs do not disturb my equanimity." [48] SLAVES OF THE LAMP. "Wonder which it was," thought Beetle. He had launched many lampoons on an appreciative public ever since he discovered that it was possible to convey reproof in rhyme. In sign of his unruffled calm, King proceeded to tear Beetle, whom he called Gigadibs, slowly asunder. From his untied shoestrings to his mended spectacles (the life of a poet at a big school is hard) he held him up to the derision of his asso- ciates with the usual result. His wild flowers of speech King had an unpleasant tongue restored him to good humor at the last. He drew a lurid picture of Beetle's latter end as a scurrilous pam- phleteer dying in an attic, scattered a few compli- ments over McTurk and Corkran, and, reminding Beetle that he must come up for judgment when called upon, went to Common-room, where he tri- umphed anew over his victims. "And the worst of it," he explained in a loud voice over his soup, "is that I waste such gems of sarcasm on their thick heads. It's miles above them, I'm certain." "We-ell," said the school chaplain slowly, "I don't know what Corkran's appreciation of your style may be, but young McTurk reads Ruskin for his amusement." " Nonsense ! He does it to show off. I mistrust the dark Celt." STALKY & CO. " He does nothing of the kind. I went into their study the other night, unofficially, and McTurk was gluing up the back of four odd numbers of ' Fors Clavigera.' : "I don't know anything about their private lives," said a mathematical master hotly, " but I've learned by bitter experience that Number Five study are best left alone. They are utterly soulless young devils. " He blushed as the others laughed. But in the music-room there were wrath and bad language. . Only Stalky, Slave of the Lamp, lay on the piano unmoved. " That little swine Manders minor must have shown him your stuff. He's always suckin' up to King. Go and kill him," he drawled. " Which one was it, Beetle?" "Dunno," said Beetle, struggling out of the skirt. ci There was one about his hunting for popu- larity with the small boys, and the other one was one about him in hell, tellin' the Devil he was a Balliol man. I swear both of 'em rhymed all right. By gum ! P'raps Manders minor showed him both ! /'^correct his caesuras for him." He disappeared down two flights of stairs, flushed a small pink and white boy in a form-room next door to King's study, which, again, was immedi- ately below his own, and chased him up the corri- dor into a form-room sacred to the revels of the [50] SLAVES OP THE LAMP. Lower Third. Thence he came back, greatly dis- ordered, to find McTurk, Stalky, and the others of the company, in his study enjoying an unlimited ' ' brew ' ' coffee, cocoa, buns, new bread hot and steaming, sardine, sausage, ham-and-tongue paste v pilchards, three jams, and at least as many pounds of Devonshire cream. ' ' My Hat ! ' ' said he, throwing himself upon the banquet. " Who stumped up for this, Stalky? " It was within a month of term end, and blank starvation had reigned in the studies for weeks. "You," said Stalky, serenely. " Confound you ! You haven't been popping my Sunday bags, then ? " " Keep your hair on. It's only your watch." "Watch! I lost it weeks ago. Out on the Burrows, when we tried to shoot the old ram the day our pistol burst." " It dropped out of your pocket (you're so beastly careless, Beetle), and McTurk and I kept it for you. I've been wearing it for a week, and you never noticed. Took it into Bideford after dinner to-day. Got thirteen and sevenpence. Here's the ticket." "Well, that's pretty average cool," said Aba- nazar behind a slab of cream and jam, as Beetle, re- assured upon the safety of his Sunday trousers, showed not even surprise, much less resentment. Indeed, it was McTurk who grew angry, saying: [51] STALKY & CO. " You gave him the ticket^ Stalky? You pawned it? You unmitigated beast ! Why, last month you and Beetle sold mine ! ' Never got a sniff of any ticket." " Ah, that was because you locked your trunk, and we wasted half the afternoon hammering it open. "We might have pawned it if you'd behaved like a Christian, Turkey. ' ' "My Aunt!" said Abanazar, "you chaps are communists. Yote of thanks to Beetle, though. ' ' "That's beastly unfair," said Stalky, "when I took all the trouble to pawn it. Beetle never knew he had a watch. Oh, I say, Kabbits-Eggs gave me a lift into Bideford this afternoon." Rabbits-Eggs was the local carrier an outcrop of the early Devonian formation. It was Stalk}'' who had invented his unlovely name. " He was pretty average drunk, or he wouldn't haved one it. Rab- bits-Eggs is a little shy of me, somehow. But I swore it was pax between us, and gave him a bob. He stopped at two pubs on the way in, so he'll be howling drunk to-night. Oh, don't begin reading, Beetle; there's a council of war on. What the deuce is the matter with your collar ? " " 'Chivied Manders minor into the Lower Third box-room.' 'Had all his beastly little friends on top of me," said Beetle from behind a jar of pilchards and a book. [52] SLAVES OF THE LAMP. " You ass ! Any fool could have told you where Manders would bunk to," said McTurk. "I didn't think," said Beetle, meekly, scooping out pilchards with a spoon. "Course you didn't. You never do." McTurk adjusted Beetle's collar with a savage tug. " Don't drop oil all over my ' Fors,' or I'll scrag you ! " " Shut up, you you Irish Biddy ! 'Tisn't your beastly ' Fors.' It's one of mine." The book was a fat, brown-backed volume of the later Sixties, which King had once thrown at Beetle's head that Beetle might see whence the name Gigadibs came. Beetle had quietly annexed the book, and had seen several things. The quar- ter-comprehended verses lived and ate with him, as the bedropped pages showed. He removed himself from all that world, drifting at large with wondrous Men and Women, till McTurk hammered the pil- chard spoon on his head and he snarled. "Beetle! You're oppressed and insulted and bullied by King. Don't you feel it ? " "Let me alone ! I can write some more poetry about him if I am, I suppose." "Mad ! Quite mad ! " said Stalky to the visit- ors, as one exhibiting strange beasts. " Beetle reads an ass called Brownin', and McTurk reads an ass called Ruskin; and " " Ruskin isn't an ass," said McTurk, "He's [53] STALKY & CO. almost as good as the Opium Eater. He says ' we're children of noble races trained by surround- ing art.' That means me, and the way I decorated the study when you two badgers would have stuck up brackets and Christmas cards. Child of a noble race, trained by surrounding art, stop reading, or I'll shove a pilchard down your neck ! ' ' "It's two to one," said Stalky, warningly, and Beetle closed the book, in obedience to the law under which he and his companions had lived for six checkered years. The visitors looked on delighted. Number Five study had a reputation for more variegated insanity than the rest of the school put together; and so far as its code allowed friendship with outsiders it was polite and open-hearted to its neighbors on the same landing. " What rot do you want now ? " said Beetle. " King ! "War ! " said McTurk, jerking his head toward the wall, where hung a small wooden "West- African war-drum, a gift to McTurk from a naval uncle. "Then we shall be turned out of the study again," said Beetle, who loved his flesh-pots. ''Mason turned us out for just warbling on it." Mason was the mathematical master who had testi- fied in Common-room. * ' Warbling ? O Lord ! ' ' said Abanaaar. ' ' We [54] SLAVES OP THE LAMP. couldn't hear ourselves speak in our study when you played the infernal thing. What's the good of get- ting turned out of your study, anyhow? " "We lived in the form-rooms for a week, too," said Beetle, tragically. " And it was beastly cold." " Ye-es, but Mason's rooms were filled with rats every day we were out. It took him a week to draw the inference," said McTurk. "He loathes rats. 'Minute he let us go back the rats stopped. Mason's a little shy of us now, but there was no evidence. ' ' "Jolly well there wasn't," said Stalky, "when I got out on the roof and dropped the beastly things down his chimney. But, look here question is, are our characters good enough just now to stand a study row? " " Never mind mine," said Beetle. " King swears I haven't any." "I'm not thinking of you," Stalky returned scornfully. "You aren't going up for the Army, you old bat. I don't want to be expelled and the Head's getting rather shy of us, too." " Eot ! " said McTurk. " The Head never expels except for beastliness or stealing. But I forgot ; you and Stalky are thieves regular burglars. ' ' The visitors gasped, but Stalky interpreted the parable with large grins. "Well, you know, that little beast Manders 5 [55] STALKY & CO. minor saw Beetle and me hammerin' McTurk's trunk open in the dormitory when we took his watch last month. Of course Manders sneaked to Mason, and Mason solemnly took it up as a case of theft, to get even with us about the rats." "That just put Mason into our giddy hands," said McTurk, blandly. "We were nice to him, 'cause he was a new master and wanted to win the confidence of the boys. 'Pity he draws inferences, though. Stalky went to his study and pretended to blub, and told Mason he'd lead a new life if Mason would let him off this time, but Mason wouldn't. 'Said it was his duty to report him to the Head." "Vindictive swine!" said Beetle. "It was all those rats ! Then I blubbed, too, and Stalky con- fessed that he'd been a thief in regular practice for six years, ever since he came to the school; and that I'd taught him a la Fagin. Mason turned white with joy. He thought he had us on toast." "Gorgeous! Gorgeous!" said Dick Four. " We never heard of this." "'Course not. Mason kept it jolly quiet. He wrote down all our statements on impot-paper. There wasn't anything he wouldn't believe," said Stalky. " And handed it all up to the Head, with an ex- tempore prayer. It took about forty pages, ' ' said Beetle. ' ' I helped him a lot. ' ' [56] SLAVES OF THE LAMP. "And then, you crazy idiots? " said Abanazar. " Oh, we were sent for; and Stalky asked to have the ' depositions ' read out, and the Head knocked him spinning into a waste-paper basket. Then he gave us eight cuts apiece welters for for takin' unheard-of liberties with a new master. I saw his shoulders shaking when we went out. Do you know," said Beetle, pensively, "that Mason can't look at us now in second lesson without blush- ing? We three stare at him sometimes till he regularly trickles. He's an awfully sensitive beast." "He read 'Eric, or Little by Little,' " said Mc- Turk; "so we gave him 'St. Winifred's, or the "World of School. ' They spent all their spare time stealing at St. Winifred's, when they weren't pray- ing or getting drunk at pubs. Well, that was only a week ago, and the Head's a little bit shy of us. He called it constructive deviltry. Stalky invented it all." " Not the least good having a row with a master unless you can make an ass of him," said Stalky, extended at ease on the hearth-rug. "If Mason didn't know Number Five well, he's learnt, that's all. Now, my dearly beloved 'earers " Stalky curled his legs under him and addressed the com- pany "we've got that strong, perseverin' man King on our hands. He went miles out of his way 5 [57] STALKY & CO. to provoke a conflict." (Here Stalky snapped down the black silk domino and assumed the air of a judge.) "He has oppressed Beetle, McTurk, and me, privatim el seriatim, one by one, as he could catch us. But now he has insulted Number Five up in the music-room, and in the presence of these these ossifers of the Ninety-third, wot look like hairdressers. Binjimin, we must make him cry 'Capivi!'" Stalky's reading did not include Browning or Ruskin. "And, besides," said McTurk, "he's a Philis- tine, a basket-hanger. He wears a tartan tie. Ruskin says that any man who wears a tartan tie will, without doubt, be damned everlastingly." "Bravo, McTurk," said Tertius; "I thought he was only a beast." "He's that, too, of course, but he's worse. He has a china basket with blue ribbons and a pink kitten on it, hung up in his window to grow musk in. You know when I got all that old oak carvin' out of Bideford Church, when they were restoring it (Ruskin says that any man who'll restore a church is an unmitigated sweep), and stuck it up here with glue? "Well, King came in and wanted to know whether we'd done it with a fret-saw ! Yah ! He is the King of basket-hangers ! " . Down went McTurk's inky thumb over an im- [58] SLAVES OP THE LAMP. aginary arena full of bleeding Kings. " Placetne^ child of a generous race ! " he cried to Beetle. "Well," began Beetle, doubtfully, "he comes from Balliol, but I'm going to give the beast a chance. You see I can always make him hop with some more poetry. He can't report me to the Head, because it makes him ridiculous. (Stalky's quite right.) But he shall have his chance." Beetle opened the book on the table, ran his fin ger down a page, and began at random: ' ' Or who in Moscow toward the Czar With the demurest of footfalls, Over the Kremlin's pavement white With serpentine and syenite, Steps with five other generals " " That's no good. Try another," said Stalky. "Hold on a shake; I know what's coming.'' McTurk was reading over Beetle's shoulder. ' ' That simultaneously take snuff, For each to have pretext enough And kerchiefwise unfold his sash, Which softness' self is yet the stuff (Gummy ! What a sentence ! ) To hold fast where a steel chain snaps And leave the grand white neck no gash. (Full Stop.)" [59] STALKY & CO. " 'Don't understand a word of it," said Stalky. "More fool you! Construe," said McTurk. " Those six bargees scragged the Czar, and left no evidence. Actuin est with King. " "He gave me that book, too," said Beetle, lick- ing his lips : " There's a great text in G-alatians, Once you trip on it entails Twenty-nine distinct damnations, One sure if another fails." Then irrelevantly: "Setebos! Setebos! andSetebos! Thinketh he liveth in the cold of the moon." "He's just come in from dinner," said Dick Four, looking through the window. "Manders minor is with him." " 'Safest place for Manders minor just now," said Beetle. "Then you chaps had better clear out," said Stalky politely to the visitors. " 'Tisn't fair to mix you up in a study row. Besides, we can't afford to have evidence." "Are you going to begin at once?" said Alad- din. "Immediately, if not sooner," said Stalky, and turned out the gas. "Strong, perseverin' man King. Make him cry 'Capivi.' G'way, Binjimin." [60] SLAVES OF THE LAMP. The company retreated to their own neat and spacious study with expectant souls. "When Stalky blows out his nostrils like a horse," said Aladdin to the Emperor of China, " he's on the war-path. '"Wonder what King will get." "Beans," said the Emperor. "Number Five generally pays in full." "Wonder if I ought to take any notice of it officially," said Abanazar, who had just remem- bered he was a prefect. "It's none of your business, Pussy. Besides, if you did, we'd have them hostile to us and we shouldn't be able to do any work," said Aladdin. " They've begun already." Now that West- African war-drum had been made to signal across estuaries and deltas. Number Five was forbidden to wake the engine within earshot of the school. But a deep, devastating drone filled the passages as McTurk and Beetle scientifically rubbed its top. Anon it changed to the blare of trumpets of savage pursuing trumpets. Then, as McTurk slapped one side, smooth with the blood of ancient sacrifice, the roar broke into short coughing howls such as the wounded gorilla throws in his native forest. These were followed by the wrath of King three steps at a time, up the staircase, with a dry whir of the gown. Alad [61] STALKY & CO. din and company, listening, squeaked with excite- ment as the door crashed open. King stumbled into the darkness, and cursed those performers by the gods of Balliol and quiet repose. " Turned out for a week," said Aladdin, holding the study door on the crack. " Key to be brought down to his study in five minutes. f Brutes ! Bar- barians ! Savages ! Children ! ' He's rather agi- tated. 'Arrah, Patsy, mind the baby,'" he sang in a whisper as he clung to the door-knob, dancing a noiseless war-dance. King went down-stairs again, and Beetle and Me- Turk lit the gas to confer with Stalky. But Stalky had vanished. " Looks like no end of a mess," said Beetle, col- lecting his books and mathematical instrument case. " A week in the form-rooms isn't any advantage to us." " Yes, but don't you see that Stalky isn't here, you owl!" said McTurk. "Take down the key, and look sorrowful. King'll only jaw you for half an hour. I'm going to read in the lower form- room." " But it's always me," mourned Beetle. " Wait till we see," said McTurk, hopefuUy. " I don't know any more than you do what Stalky means, but it's something. Go down and draw King's fire. You're used to it." [62] SLAVES OF THE LAMP. "No sooner had the key turned in the door than the lid of the coal-box, which was also the window- seat, lifted cautiously. It had been a tight fit, even for the lithe Stalky, his head between his knees, and his stomach under his right ear. From a drawer in the table he took a well-worn catapult, a handful of buckshot, and a duplicate key of the study ; noiselessly he raised the window and kneeled by it, his face turned to the road, the wind-sloped trees, the dark levels of the Burrows, and the white line of breakers falling nine-deep along the Pebble- ridge. Far down the steep-banked Devonshire lane he heard the husky hoot of the carrier's horn. There was a ghost of melody in it, as it might have been the wind in a gin-bottle essaying to sing, " It's a way we have in the Army." Stalky smiled a tight-lipped smile, and at extreme range opened fire: the old horse half wheeled in the shafts. ' ' Where he gwaine tu ? " hiccoughed Rabbits- Eggs. Another buckshot tore through the rotten canvas tilt with a vicious zipp. "ITabet!" murmured Stalky, as Rabbits-Eggs swore into the patient night, protesting that he saw the " dommed colleger " who was assaulting him. " And so," King was saying in a high head voice to Beetle, whom he had kept to play with before [63] STALKY & CO. Manders minor, well knowing that it hurts a Fifth- form boy to be held up to a fag's derision, "and so, Master Beetle, in spite of all our verses, which we are so proud of, when we presume to come into direct conflict with even so humble a representative of authority as myself, for instance, we are turned out of our studies, are we not ? ' ' u Yes, sir," said Beetle, with a sheepish grin on his lips and murder in his heart. Hope had nearly left him, but he clung to a well-established faith that never was Stalky so dangerous as when he was invisible. "You are not required to criticise, thank you. Turned out of our studies, we are, just as if we were no better than little Manders minor. Only inky schoolboys we are, and must be treated as such." Beetle pricked up his ears, for Rabbits-Eggs was swearing savagely on the road, and some of the language entered at the upper sash. King believed in ventilation. He strode to the window, gowned and majestic, very visible in the gaslight. "I zee 'un ! I zee 'un ! " roared Rabbits-Eggs, now that he had found a visible foe another shot from the darkness above. " Yiss, yeou, yeou long-nosed, fower-eyed, gingy-whiskered beggar ! Yeu'm tu old for such goin's on. Aie ! Poultice yeour nose, I tall 'ee ! Poultice yeour long nose ! " Beetle's heart leaped up within him. Somewhere, [*] SLAVES OF THE LAMP. somehow, he knew. Stalky moved behind these manifestations. There were hope and the prospect of revenge. He would embody the suggestion about the nose in deathless verse. King threw up the window, and sternly rebuked Kabbits-Eggs. But the carrier was beyond fear or fawning. He had descended from the cart, and was stooping by the roadside. It all fell swiftly as a dream. Manders minor raised his hand to his head with a cry, as a jagged flint cannoned on to some rich tree-calf bindings in the bookshelf. Another quoited along the writing- table. Beetle made zealous feint to stop it, and in that endeavor overturned a student's lamp, which dripped, via King's papers and some choice books, greasily on to a Persian rug. There was much broken glass on the window-seat; the china bas- ket McTurk's aversion cracked to flinders, had dropped her musk plant and its earth over the red rep cushions; Manders minor was bleeding pro- fusely from a cut on the cheek-bone; and King, using strange words, every one of which Beetle treasured, ran forth to find the school-sergeant, that Rabbits-Eggs might be instantly cast into jail. " Poor chap ! " said Beetle, with a false, feigned sympathy. " Let it bleed a little. That'll prevent apoplexy," and he held the blind head skilfully [65] STALKY & CO. over the table, and the papers on the table, as he guided the howling Manders to the door. Then did Beetle, alone with the wreckage, return good for evil. How, in that office, a complete set of " Gibbon " was scarred all along the back as by a flint; how so much black and copying ink came to be mingled with Manders's gore on the table- cloth; why the big gum-bottle, unstoppered, had rolled semicircularly across the floor ; and in what manner the white china door-knob grew to be painted with yet more of Manders's young blood, were matters which Beetle did not explain when the rabid King returned to find him standing politely over the reeking hearth-rug. "You never told me to go, sir," he said, with the air of Casabianca, and King consigned him to the outer darkness. But it was to a boot-cupboard under the staircase on the ground floor that he hastened, to loose the mirth that was destroying him. He had not drawn breath for a first whoop of triumph when two hands choked him dumb. " Go to the dormitory and get me my things. Bring 'em to Number Five lavatory. I'm still in tights," hissed Stalky, sitting on his head. " Don't run. Walk." But Beetle staggered into the form-room next door, and delegated his duty to the yet unenlight< [66] SLAVES OF THE LAMP. ened McTurk, with an hysterical precis of the cam- paign thus far. So it was McTurk, of the wooden visage, who brought the clothes from the dormi- tory while Beetle panted on a form. Then the three buried themselves in Number Five lavatory, turned on all the taps, filled the place with steam, and dropped weeping into the baths, where they pieced out the war. "Moi! Je! Ich! Ego /" gasped Stalky. "I waited till I couldn't hear myself think, while you played the drum ! Hid in the coal-locker and tweaked Rabbits-Eggs and Babbits-Eggs rocked King. Wasn't it beautiful? Did you hear the glass?" "Why, he he he," shrieked McTurk, one trembling finger pointed at Beetle. "Why, I I I was through it all," Beetle howled; " in his study, being jawed." ' ' Oh, my soul ! ' ' said Stalky with a yell, disap- pearing under water. 11 The the glass was nothing. Manders minor's head's cut open. La la lamp upset all over the rug. Blood on the books and papers. The gum ! The gum ! The gum ! The ink ! The ink ! The ink! Oh, Lord!" Then Stalky leaped out, all pink as he was, and shook Beetle into some sort of coherence ; but his tale prostrated them afresh. [67] STALKY & CO. " I bunked for the boot-cupboard the second I heard King go down-stairs. Beetle tumbled in on top of me. The spare key's hid behind the loose board. There isn't a shadow of evidence," said Stalky. They were all chanting together. " And he turned us out himself himself him- sdf!" This from McTurk. "He can't begin to suspect us. Oh, Stalky, it's the loveliest thing we've ever done." "Gum! Gum! Dollops of gum!" shouted Beetle, his spectacles gleaming through a sea of lather. "Ink and blood all mixed. I held the little beast's head all over the Latin proses for Mon- day. Golly, how the oil stunk ! And Kabbits- Eggs told King to poultice his nose ! Did you hit Kabbits-Eggs, Stalky?" "Did I jolly well not? Tweaked him all over. Did you hear him curse ? Oh, I shall be sick in a minute if I don't stop." But dressing was a slow process, because McTurk was obliged to dance when he heard that the musk basket was broken, and, moreover, Beetle retailed all King's language with emendations and purple insets. " Shockin' ! " said Stalky, collapsing in a helpless welter of half -hitched trousers. " So dam' bad, too, for innocent boys like us ! "Wonder what they'd say at 'St. Winifred's, or the "World of School. 7 [68] SLAVES OF THE LAMP. By gum ! That reminds me we owe the Lower Third one for assaultin' Beetle when he chivied Manders minor. Come on ! It's an alibi, Samivel; and, besides, if we let 'em off they'll be worse next time." The Lower Third had set a guard upon their form-room for the space of a full hour, which to a boy is a lifetime. JSTow they were busy with their Saturday evening businesses cooking sparrows over the gas with rusty nibs; brewing unholy drinks in gallipots; skinning moles with pocket- knives; attending to paper trays full of silkworms, or discussing the iniquities of their elders with a freedom, fluency, and point that would have amazed their parents. The blow fell without warning. Stalky upset a form crowded with small boys among their own cooking utensils, McTurk raided the untidy lockers as a terrier digs at a rabbit-hole, while Beetle poured ink upon such heads as he could not appeal to with a Smith's Classical Dic- tionary. Three brisk minutes accounted for many silkworms, pet larvae, French exercises, school caps, half-prepared bones and skulls, and a dozen pots of home-made sloe jam. It was a great wreck- age, and the form-room looked as though three conflicting tempests had smitten it. "Phew!" said Stalky, drawing breath outside the door (a,mid groans of " Oh, you beastly ca-ads ! [69] STALKY & CO. You think yourselves awful funny,'* 1 and so forth). " ThaCs all right. Never let the sun go down upon your wrath. Rummy little devils, fags. Got no notion o' combinin'." " Six of 'em sat on my head when I went in af- ter Manders minor," said Beetle. "I warned 'em what they'd get, though. ' ' "Everybody paid in full beautiful feelin'," said McTurk, absently, as they strolled along the corri- dor. " Don't think we'd better say much about King, though, do you, Stalky? " "Not much. Our line is injured innocence, of course same as when the Sergeant reported us on suspicion of smoking in the bunkers. If I hadn't thought of buyin' the pepper and spillin' it all over our clothes, he'd have smelt us. King was gha-astly facetious about that. 'Called us bird -stuff ers in form for a week." "Ah, King hates the Natural History Society because little Hartopp is president. Mustn't do anything in the Coll. without glorifyin' King," said McTurk. "But he must be a putrid ass, you know, to suppose at our time o' life we'd go out and stuff birds like fags." "Poor old King!" said Beetle. "He's awf'ly unpopular in Common-room, and they'll chaff his head off about Rabbits-Eggs. Golly ! How lovely ! How beautiful ! How holy ! But you [TO] SLAVES OF THE LAMP. should have seen his face when the first rock came in ! And the earth from the basket ! " So they were all stricken helpless for five minutes. They repaired at last to Abanazar's study, and were received reverently. "What's the matter?" said Stalky, quick to realize new atmospheres. " You know jolly well," said Abanazar. " You'll be expelled if you get caught. King is a gibbering maniac." "Who? Which? What? Expelled for how? We only played the war-drum. We've got turned out for that already." "Do you chaps mean to say you didn't make Rabbits-Eggs drunk and bribe him to rock King's rooms? " "Bribe him? No, that I'll swear we didn't," said Stalky, with a relieved heart, for he loved not to tell lies. " What a low mind you've got, Pussy ! We've been down having a bath. Did Babbits- Eggs rock King? Strong, perseverin' man King? Shockin' ! " " Awf 'ly. King's frothing at the mouth. There's bell for prayers. Come on." "Wait a sec," said Stalky, continuing the con- versation in a loud and cheerful voice, as they de- scended the stairs. " What did Rabbits-Eggs rock King for?" [71] STALKY & CO. "I know," said Beetle, as they passed King's open door. " I was in his study." " Hush, you ass ! ' : hissed the Emperor of China. "Oh, he's gone down to prayers," said Beetle, watching the shadow of the house-master on the wall. " Rabbits-Eggs was only a bit drunk, swearin' at his horse, and King jawed him through the window, and then, of course, he rocked King." " Do you mean to say," said Stalky, ''that King began it?" King was behind them, and every well-weighed word went up the staircase like an arrow. " I can only swear," said Beetle, "that King cursed llze a bargee. Simply disgustin'. I'm goin' to write to my father about it." "Better report it to Mason," suggested Stalky. "He knows our tender consciences. Hold on a shake. I've got to tie my bootlace." The other study hurried forward. They did not wish to be dragged into stage asides of this nature. So it was left to McTurk to sum up the situation beneath the guns of the enemy. "You see," said the Irishman, hanging on the banister, "he begins by bullying little chaps; then he bullies the big chaps; then he bullies some one who isn't connected with the College, and then he catches it. Serves him jolly well right. . . . [72] SLAVES OF THE LAMP. I beg your pardon, sir. I didn't see you were com- ing down the staircase." The black gown tore past like a thunder-storm, and in its wake, three abreast, arms linked, the Aladdin company rolled up the big corridor to prayers, singing with most innocent intention : "Arrah, Patsy, mind the baby! Arrah, Patsy, raind the child! Wrap him up in an overcoat, he's surely goin' wild ! Arrah, Patsy, mind the baby; just ye mind the child awhile ! He'll kick an' bite an' cry all night ! Arrah, Patsy, mind the child!" 178] AN UNSAVORY INTERLUDE. IT was a maiden aunt of Stalky who sent him both books, with the inscription, " To dearest Artie, on his sixteenth birthday;" it was McTurk who ordered their hypothecation; and it was Beetle, returned from Bideford, who flung them on the window-sill of Number Five study with news that Bastable would advance but ninepence on the two; " Eric; or, Little by Little," being almost as great a drug as "St. Winifred's." "An' I don't think much of your aunt. We're nearly out of cartridges, too Artie, dear." Whereupon Stalky rose up to grapple with him, but McTurk sat on Stalky 's head, calling him a "pure-minded boy" till peace was declared. As they were grievously in arrears with a Latin prose, as it was a blazing July afternoon, and as they ought to have been at a house cricket-match, they began to renew their acquaintance, intimate and unholy, with the volumes. " Here we are ! " said McTurk. " ' Corporal punishment produced on Eric the worst effects. He [74] AN UNSAVORY INTERLUDE. burned not with remorse or regret ' make a note o' that, Beetle ' but with shame and violent indigna- tion. He glared ' oh, naughty Eric ! Let's get to where he goes in for drink." " Hold on half a shake. Here's another sample. * The Sixth,' he says, ' is the palladium of all public schools.' But this lot" Stalky rapped the gilded book "can't prevent fellows drinkin' and stealin', an' lettin' fags out of window at night, an' an' doin' what they please. Golly, what we've missed not goin' to St. Winifred's ! . . ." "I'm sorry to see any boys of my house taking so little interest in their matches. ' ' Mr. Prout could move very silently if he pleased, though that is no merit in a boy's eyes. He had flung open the study-door without knocking an- other sin and looked at them suspiciously. " Yery sorry, indeed, I am. to see you frowsting in your studies." "We've been out ever since dinner, sir," said McTurk wearily. One house-match is just like an- other, and their "ploy " of that week happened to be rabbit-shooting with saloon-pistols. "I can't see a ball when it's coming, sir," said Beetle. "I've had my gig-lamps smashed at the Nets till I got excused. I wasn't any good even as a fag, then, sir." " Tuck is probably your form. Tuck and brew- [75] STALKY & CO. ing. Why can't you three take any interest in the honor of your house ? ' ' They had heard that phrase till they were wearied. The "honor of the house" was Prout's weak point, and they knew well how to flick him on the raw. " If you order us to go down, sir, of course we'll go," said Stalky, with maddening politeness. But Prout knew better than that. He had tried the ex- periment once at a big match, when the three, self- isolated, stood to attention for half an hour in full view of all the visitors, to whom fags, subsidized for that end, pointed them out as victims of Prout's tyranny. And Prout was a sensitive man. In the infinitely petty confederacies of the Com- mon-room, King and Macrea, fellow house-masters, had borne it in upon him that by games, and games alone, was salvation wrought. Boys neglected were boys lost. They must be disciplined. Left to him- self, Prout would have made a sympathetic house- master; but he was never so left, and with the devilish insight of youth, the boys knew to whom they were indebted for his zeal. " Must we go down, sir ? " said McTurk. " I don't want to order you to do what a right- thinking boy should do gladly. I'm sorry." And he lurched out with some hazy impression that he had sown good seed on poor ground. [761 AN UNSAVOKY INTERLUDE. " Now what does he suppose is the use of that? " said Beetle. " Oh, he's cracked. King jaws him in Common- room about not keepin' us up to the mark, an T Macrea burbles about l dithcipline, ' an' old Heffy sits between 'em sweatin' big drops. I heard Oke (the Common-room butler) talking to Richards (Prout's house-servant) about it down in the base- ment the other day when I went down to bag some bread," said Stalky. "What did Oke say?" demanded McTurk, throwing " Eric " into a corner. " Oh, he said, ' They make more nise nor a nest full o' jackdaws, an' half of it like we'd no ears to our heads that waited on 'em. They talks over old Prout what he've done an' left undone about his boys. An' how their boys be fine boys, an' his'n be dom bad.' "Well, Oke talked like that, you know, and Richards got awf'ly wrathy. He has a down on King for something or other. Wonder why?" "Why, King talks about Prout in form-room makes allusions, an' all that only half the chaps are such asses they can't see what he's drivin' at. And d'you remember what he said about the ' Cas- ual House ' last Tuesday ? He meant us. They say he says perfectly beastly things to his own house, making fun of Prout's," said Beetle. [77] STALKY & CO. [ ""Well, we didn't come here to mix up in their rows," McTurk said wrathfully. "Who'll bathe after call-over? King's takin' it in the cricket- field. Come on." Turkey seized his straw and led the way. They reached the sun-blistered pavilion over against the gray Pebbleridge just before roll-call, and, asking no questions, gathered from King's voice and manner that his house was on the road to victory. " Ah, ha ! " said he, turning to show the light of his countenance. " Here we have the ornaments of the Casual House at last. You consider cricket be- neath you, I believe" the crowd, flannelled, snig- gered " and from what I have seen this afternoon. I fancy many others of your house hold the same view. And may I ask what you purpose to do with your noble selves till tea-time ? " " Going down to bathe, sir," said Stalky. ' ( And whence this sudden zeal for cleanliness ? There is nothing about you that particularly sug- gests it. Indeed, so far as I remember I may be at fault but a short time ago " Five years, sir," said Beetle hotly. King scowled. " One of you was that thing called a water-funk. Yes, a water-funk. So now you wish to wash ? It is well. Cleanliness never injured a boy or a house. We will proceed to [78] AN UNSAVOKY INTEKLUDE. business," and he addressed himself to the call-over board. "What the deuce did you say anything to him for, Beetle ? ' ' said McTurk angrily, as they strolled towards the big, open sea-baths. " 'T wasn't fair remindin' one of bein' a water- funk. My first term, too. Heaps of chaps are when they can't swim." "Yes, you ass; but he saw he'd fetched you. You ought never to answer King. ' ' " But it Avasn't fair, Stalky." "My Hat! You've been here six years, and you expect fairness. Well, } 7 ou are a dithering idiot." A knot of King's boys, also bound for the baths, hailed them, beseeching them to wash for the honor of their house. " That's what comes of King's jawin' and mess- in'. Those young animals wouldn't have thought of it unless he'd put it into their heads. Now they'll be funny about it for weeks," said Stalky. " Don't take any notice." The boys came nearer, shouting an opprobrious word. At last they moved to windward, ostenta- tiously holding their noses. " That's pretty," said Beetle. " They'll be say- in' our house stinks next." When they returned from the baths, damp- [79] STALKY & CO. headed, languid, at peace with the world, Beetle's forecast came only too true. They were met in the corridor by a fag a common, Lower-Second fag who at arm's length handed them a carefully wrapped piece of soap "with the compliments of King's house." "Hold on," said Stalky, checking immediate at- tack. "Who put you up to this, Nixon? Eattray and White? (Those were two leaders in King's house.) Thank you. There's no answer." " Oh, it's too sickening to have this kind o' rot shoved on to a chap. What's the sense of it? What's the fun of it ? " said McTurk. " It will go on to the end of the term, though," Beetle wagged his head sorrowfully. He had worn many jests threadbare on his own account. In a few days it became an established legend of the school that Prout's house did not wash and were therefore noisome. Mr. King was pleased to smile succulently in form when one of his boys drew aside from Beetle with certain gestures. " There seems to be some disability attaching to you, my Beetle, or else why should Burton major withdraw, so to speak, the hem of his garments ? I confess I am still in the dark. Will some one be good enough to enlighten me? " Naturally, he was enlightened by half the form. u Extraordinary ! Most extraordinary ! How- [80] AN UNSAVOKY INTEELUDE. ever, each house has its traditions, with which 1 would not for the world interfere. We have a pre- judice in favor of washing. Go on, Beetle from 'jugurtha tamen ' and, if you can, avoid the more flagrant forms of guessing." Prout's house was furious because Macrea's and Hartopp's houses joined King's to insult them. They called a house-meeting after dinner an ex- cited and angry meeting of all save the prefects, whose dignity, though they sympathized, did not allow them to attend. They read ungrammatical resolutions, and made speeches beginning, " Gentle- men, we have met on this occasion," and ending with, "It's a beastly shame," precisely as houses have done since time and schools began. Number Five study attended, with its usual air of bland patronage. At last McTurk, of the lanthorn jaws, delivered himself: " You jabber and jaw and burble, and that's about all you can do. What's the good of it? King's house'll only gloat because they've drawn you, and King will gloat, too. Besides, that reso- lution of Orrin's is chock-full of bad grammar, and King'll gloat over that." 1 ' I thought you an' Beetle would put it right, an' an' we'd post it in the corridor," said the composer meekly. " Par si je le connai. I'm not goin' to meddle [81] STALKY & CO. with the biznai," said Beetle. "It's a gloat fot King's house. Turkey's quite right." " Well, won't Stalky, then? " But Stalky puffed out his cheeks and squinted down his nose in the style of Panurge, and all he said was, " Oh, you abject burblers ! " "You're three beastly scabs ! " was the instant retort of the democracy, and they went out amid execrations. " This is piffling," said McTurk. " Let's get our sallies, and go and shoot bunnies." Three saloon-pistols, with a supply of bulleted breech-caps, were stored in Stalky's trunk, and this trunk was in their dormitory, and their dormitory was a three-bed attic one, opening out of a ten-bed establishment, which, in turn, communicated with the great range of dormitories that ran practically from one end of the College to the other. Macrea's house lay next to Prout's, King's next to Macrea's, and Hartopp's beyond that again. Carefully locked doors divided house from house, but each house, in its internal arrangements the College had origi- nally been a terrace of twelve large houses was a replica of the next; one straight roof covering all. They found Stalky's bed drawn out from the wall to the left of the dormer window, and the latter end of Kichards protruding from a two-foot-square cupboard in the wall. [82] AN UNSAVOEY INTEKLUDE. "What's all this? I've never noticed it before. What are you tryin' to do, Fatty? " "Fillin' basins, Muster Corkran." Richards's voice was hollow and muffled. "They've been savin' me trouble. Yiss." " 'Looks like it," said McTurk. " Hi ! You'll stick if you don't take care." Richards backed puffing. " I can't rache un. Yiss, 'tess a turncock, Mus- ter McTurk. They've took an' runned all the watter-pipes a storey higher in the houses runned 'em all along under the 'ang of the heaves, like. Runned 'em in last holidays. / can't rache the turncock." "Let me try," said Stalky, diving into the aperture. " Slip 'ee to the left, then, Muster Corkran. Slip 'ee to the left, an' feel in the dark." To the left Stalky wriggled, and saw a long line of lead pipe disappearing up a triangular tunnel, whose roof was the rafters and boarding of the col- lege roof, whose floor was sharp-edged joists, and whose side was the rough studding of the lath and plaster wall under the dormer. " Rummy show. How far does it go ? " " Right along, Muster Corkran right along from end to end. Her runs under the 'ang of the heaves. Have 'ee rached the stopcock yet ? Mr. King got [83] STALKY & CO. un put in to save us carryin' watter from down- stairs to fill the basins. No place for a lusty man like old Richards. I'm tu thickabout to go fer- ritin'. Thank 'ee, Muster Corkran." The water squirted through the tap just inside the cupboard, and, having filled the basins, the grateful Richards waddled away. The boys sat round-eyed on their beds consider- ing the possibilities of this trove. Two floors below them they could hear the hum of the angry house; for nothing is so still as a dormitory in mid-after- noon of a midsummer term. "It has been papered over till now." McTurk examined the little door. ' If we'd only known before ! " " I vote we go down and explore. No one will come up this time o' day. We needn't keep cave." They crawled in, Stalky leading, drew the door behind them, and on all fours embarked on a dark and dirty road full of plaster, odd shavings, and all the raffle that builders leave in the waste room of a house. The passage was perhaps three feet wide, and, except for the struggling light round the edges of the cupboards (there was one to each dormer), almost pitchy dark. "Here's Macrea's house," said Stalky, his eye at the crack of the third cupboard. ' ' I can see Barnes's name on his trunk. Don't make such a [84] AN UNSAVORY INTERLUDE. row, Beetle ! "We can get right to the end of the Coll. Come on ! ... We're in King's house now I can see a bit of Eattray's trunk. How these beastly boards hurt one's knees ! " They heard his nails scraping on plaster. "That's the ceiling below. Look out! If we smashed that the plaster 'ud fall down in the lower dormitory," said Beetle. " Let's," whispered McTurk. "An 5 be collared first thing? Not much. Why, I can shove my hand ever so far up between these boards." Stalky thrust an arm to the elbow between the joists. " No good stay in' here. I vote we go back and talk it over. It's a crummy place. 'Must say I'm grateful to King for his water- works." They crawled out, brushed one another clean, slid the saloon-pistols down a trouser-leg, and hur- ried forth to a deep and solitary Devonshire lane in whose flanks a boy might sometimes slay a young rabbit. They threw themselves down under the rank elder bushes, and began to think aloud. "You know," said Stalky at last, sighting at a distant sparrow, " we could hide our sallies in there like anything. ' ' "Huh !" Beetle snorted, choked, and gurgled. He had been silent since they left the dormitory. [85] STALKY & CO. " Did you ever read a book called ' The History of a House ' or something ? I got it out of the library the other day. A French woman wrote it Violet somebody. But it's translated, you know ; and it's very interestin'. Tells you how a house is built." " Well, if you're in a sweat to find out that, you can go down to the new cottages they're building