UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA 
 AT LOS ANGELES 
 
 THE GIFT OF 
 
 MAY TREAT MORRISON 
 
 IN MEMORY OF 
 
 ALEXANDER F MORRISON
 
 E. V. LUCAS
 
 THE 
 
 H AUSFRAU 
 RAMPANT 
 
 BY 
 
 E. V. LUCAS 
 
 FROM THE GERMAN OF 
 
 JULIUS STINDE 
 II 
 
 NEW YORK 
 GEORGE H. DORAN COMPANY
 
 Copyright, 1916, 
 BY GEOBGE H. DOBAN COMPANY 
 
 PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
 
 PT 
 
 To the memory of 
 A. E. B. R., 
 
 some of whose last hours, in 
 
 a long and distressing illness, 
 
 were lightened by the Buch- 
 
 holz narrative. 
 
 - 
 
 cc 
 
 2 
 
 u. 
 O 
 
 t 
 
 428391
 
 CONTENTS 
 
 CHAPTER PAGE 
 
 I A YOUNG COUPLE GIVE A BETROTHAL 
 PARTY AND FftAU BuCHHOLz's 
 THOUGHTS ARE TURNED TO MATCH- 
 MAKING . . . . .89 
 
 II VISITING THE EXHIBITION WE MEET 
 DOCTOR WRENZCHEN, AND HERB, 
 BUCHHOLZ EXCEEDS ... 51 
 
 III HERR BUCHHOLZ HAS TOOTHACHE 
 
 AND TRIES TOO MANY REMEDIES . 62 
 
 IV A NEW YEAR'S EVE PARTY IN THE 
 
 LANDSBERGERSTRASSE, AND A TEM- 
 PORARY RECONCILIATION . . 78 
 
 V A MAGNETIC PARTY WHICH LEADS TO 
 A DRAMATIC SITUATION AND A 
 MOTHER'S TEARS . . 80 
 
 VI A WHIT-MONDAY PICNIC AND A 
 GRIEVOUS DISCOVERY REGARDING 
 EMIL BERGPELDT . . .91 
 
 VII ON THE EVE OF THE WEDDING OF 
 
 HERR WEIGELT AND AUGUSTA, A 
 
 ROSY FUTURE DAWNS FOB EMM! . 101 
 
 [vii]
 
 CONTENTS 
 
 CHAPTER PAGE 
 
 VIII THE MELANCHOLY REASON FOE FEAU 
 BlJCHHOLZ AND EMMl's DEPAETUEE 
 FOE THE SEASIDE .... 108 
 
 IX AUGUSTA WEIGELT'S FIEST-BOEN, AND 
 
 THE ASTONISHING BEHAVIOUE OF 
 ITS FATHEE ..... 124 
 
 X FEAU BUCHHOLZ LAYS A TEAP FOE 
 
 THE DOCTOE AND FINDS HEESELF 
 VEEY AWKWAEDLY PLACED . . 137 
 
 XI AUGUSTA WEIGELT'S BABY is CHEIS- 
 
 TENED AND THE PASTOE JOINS THE 
 MATCHMAKEES . . . .147 
 
 XII EMIL BEEGFELDT BREAKS OFF HIS 
 
 ENGAGEMENT AND THE DOCTOE IS 
 FALSELY ACCUSED OF EUDENESS . 156 
 
 XIII IN WHICH AN ACCIDENT LEADS TO A 
 FATEFUL MEETING BETWEEN BfiTTI 
 AND A YOUNG MAN " . ' ' . . 166 
 
 XIV A HAEVEST FESTIVAL, AND THE DIS- 
 COVEEY THAT THE DOCTOE PEOB- 
 ABLY EEALLY MEANS SOMETHING . 175 
 
 XV STEANGE THINGS GO ON BEHIND FEAU 
 
 BUCHHOLZ'S BACK, AND THE DOC- 
 TOE IS CAUGHT AT LAST . . 182 
 
 XVI THE LAST PAETY BEFOEE THE WED- 
 DING, AND REFLECTIONS ON 
 MOLOCH ... . . 197 
 [viii]
 
 CONTENTS 
 
 CHAPTER PAGB 
 
 XVII THE WEDDING OF THE DOCTOE AND 
 EMMI, AND THE TEAGEDY OF A PEE- 
 FUME 206 
 
 XVIII THS WEENZCHENS* FIEST PAETY AND 
 
 THE DISASTROUS INSUFFICIENCY OF 
 CRAWFISH . . . 
 
 XIX EMMI 18 UEGED BY HER MOTHER TO 
 TAKE A STRONGER UNE WITH THE 
 DOCTOR 235 
 
 XX FRAU BUCHHOLZ AND BETTI EXPERI- 
 MENT IN ECONOMY AND DOMESTIC 
 ART, AND FAIL IN BOTH . . . 242 
 
 XXI FRAU BUCHHOLZ SITS TO A FAMOUS 
 
 PAINTER AND IS BETRAYED INTO 
 PREVARICATION .... 257 
 
 XXII THE BUCHHOLZES MAKE AN ENTRY 
 INTO FASHIONABLE SOCIETY AND 
 RETURN FAMISHED . . . 271 
 
 XXIII A TERRIBLE DISASTER OCCURS AT THE 
 DOCTOR'S HOUSE AND FRAU BUCH- 
 HOLZ MAKES THINGS WORSE . . 281 
 
 XXIV FRAU BUCHHOLZ SUDDENLY BECOMES 
 
 A CRIMINAL AND IS PLUNGED INTO 
 DESPAIR AND SHAME . . . 290
 
 CONTENTS 
 
 CHAPTER 
 
 XXV 
 
 XXVI 
 
 XXVII 
 
 XXVIII 
 
 XXIX 
 
 FEAU BUCHHOLZ HAS TO VISIT GAELS- 
 BAD FOE HEE HEALTH AND WHILE 
 THEEE SHE EECEIVES TEEMENDOUS 
 NEWS . . . . . . 813 
 
 IN WHICH BETTI COMES WITHIN SIGHT 
 OP HAPPINESS ONCE MOEE AND 
 GAEL AGAIN is GUILTY or EETI- 
 
 CENCE 322 
 
 FEITZ AND FEANZ PLAY WITH MAE- 
 BLES, AND AEITHMETIC LEADS TO 
 CASTOE OIL . . . 330 
 
 SHOWING HOW FEAU BUCHHOLZ 
 
 MEETS AN EAELY ADMIEEE AND HOW 
 SYMPATHY FEOM THE WEONG PEE- 
 SON IS ONLY AN INSULT . . . 343 
 
 IN WHICH WE SAY FAEEWELL TO THE 
 
 BUCHHOLZ FAMILY . . . 350 
 
 W
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT
 
 THE 
 
 HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 INTRODUCTION 
 
 I CAME upon the Buchholzes by pure chance. 
 It has before been pointed out that, no matter 
 how fully or choicely furnished are one's own 
 shelves, the most entertaining books are on other 
 people's. Had I not taken a flat in an old Venetian 
 palace I might never have come across Dr. Stinde's 
 first volume, for it has long been out of print. But 
 on a certain night, after another of those usual un- 
 equal contests with a mosquito which render one 
 wakeful and in that fractious mental mood when 
 one's own supply of reading matter fails at every 
 turn, I began the exploration of my landlord's 
 shelves and found the worthy Hausfrau of the 
 
 [13]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 Landsbergerstrasse. And, somehow, when I left, the 
 book-. left too One day I must send it back. 
 
 H'aving read the first, volume I ransacked old book- 
 '.shops fcjr .the other three, making four in all, which 
 had been published in England; and at last I found 
 them. These are entitled, in the English transla- 
 tion, The Buchholz Family, translated by L. Dora 
 Schmitz; The Buchholz Family, Second Part, with 
 the same translator ; Frau Wilhelmine, translated by 
 Harriet F. Powell; and The Buchholzes in Italy, 
 also translated by Harriet F. Powell. My work has 
 been to extract from them what seemed to me the 
 most entertaining passages, the best of the material 
 being in the first and second parts, and join them 
 together with some explanatory cement. I might, 
 had I wished, have borrowed also from the further 
 sequels, one, by Dr. Stinde himself, describing the 
 Frau's adventures in the Orient, and another, by an 
 unauthorised disciple, which took her to Paris. But 
 the cream is here. 
 
 The Buchholz Family is not like any other work 
 with which I am acquainted. No doubt, as some of 
 the critics found it, it is Dickensian in parts, although 
 without any of Dickens's abounding comic fertility: 
 it is more realistic than that. The nearest things to 
 it are two English books of humour in both of which 
 we have a satirical self-revelation: The Diary of a
 
 INTRODUCTION 
 
 Nobody, by George Grossmith and his brother Wee- 
 don, and Eliza, by Barry Pain. In each of these his- 
 tories, both of which started out to be purely funny 
 but were too much for their authors and became by 
 flashes real documents, domestic anxiety and tri- 
 umph form the theme and the narrator's character 
 is gradually unfolded as the story proceeds. But 
 The Buchholz Family is more consistently of the 
 stuff of which real novels are made. And here, too, 
 although the author's rein on himself is always 
 tighter than those English writers', the central figure 
 gradually conquers. At any rate, I feel sure that 
 when Dr. Stinde was sketching out the Frau's first 
 letter he had no notion that it was destined to be 
 followed by so many others or any of the more 
 serious ones. There is, however, good precedent for 
 such development: The Pickwick Papers began 
 purely as letterpress about a farcical club to ac- 
 company some sporting drawings. 
 
 In Germany the Buchholzes had instant success, 
 first as a serial and then in book form. In two 
 years from publication the first part had passed 
 into fifty editions. Among its admirers was the man 
 of blood and iron himself, the great Bismarck, who 
 sent to Dr. Stinde the following appreciative 
 letter: 
 
 Dear Sir, Your having kindly sent me your
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 book, gives me a welcome opportunity of thanking 
 you for the pleasant intercourse I have enjoyed with 
 the Buchholzes during the long hours of leisure 
 which have been enforced upon me by my illness. 
 From the subtlety of your delineations of Berlin life, 
 and your exact reproduction of the local dialect, I 
 who have spent half my life in Berlin should never 
 have supposed but that the author was a Berliner 
 bred and born. The discovery of my error has served 
 only to increase my admiration of the fidelity of 
 your pictures. I trust Frau Buchholz's life may yet 
 awhile withstand the hostile attacks of Frau Berg- 
 feldt, and that she may be induced to delight us with 
 some further sketches. v. BISMARCK. 
 
 Whether the further sketches would have followed 
 without the suggestion from this powerful source, 
 I cannot say. Probably. Still, it is not an unin- 
 teresting thought that Bismarck may have prolonged 
 the Frau's literary life. The Chancellor, I might 
 say, was Stinde's friend not only as a reader but, 
 afterwards, in private life. 
 
 The reception accorded the first part on its ap- 
 pearance in England in 1886 was also warm; suf- 
 ficient at any rate to justify the translation of the 
 sequels too. But, considering all things, it is not 
 likely, I imagine, ever to be reprinted there again. 
 The Times reviewer found in Dr. Stinde an affinity 
 to Dickens. The Spectator was reminded of Dutch 
 pictures. Blackwood's Magazine, never very easy 
 
 [16]
 
 INTRODUCTION 
 
 to please, also was reminded of Dutch art and had 
 the warmest enthusiasm for Dr. Stinde's genius. The 
 Scotsman considered The Buchholz Family and I 
 have personally proved the truth of the criticism 
 "one of the best books to be had for reading aloud 
 either in social gatherings or in the family circle." 
 Their author himself realising this quality of his 
 work, he was in great demand all over Germany to 
 give public Buchholz readings. According to his 
 friend, Herr Moller, he read exceedingly well. 
 America seems to have imported some copies, even if 
 an actual edition was not published there, for I find 
 the New York Nation remarking that "Dr. Stinde 
 has made his Wilhelmine Buchholz so vitally fem- 
 inine in her petty traits that she would appeal to 
 the heart of many a woman in other ranks of society, 
 who would, nevertheless, consider this German 
 woman 'common.' ' In France the book had fame 
 too, for it was awarded by the Academy a "Certificat 
 d'aptitude a Penseignement de la langue Allemande 
 dans les lycees et colleges." Other works which had 
 earlier won this distinction were Goethe's Italian 
 Travels and Schiller's Charm and Dignity. 
 
 ii 
 
 Before coming to Frau Buchholz let me say some- 
 thing about her creator. 
 
 [17]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 A portrait of Julius Stinde prefixed to his collec- 
 tion of stories entitled Heinz Treulieb, 1906, shows 
 him to have possessed a large frame, an intellectual 
 brow and the countenance of a man of the world. 
 Something of a bon vivant in it, a simple, bland 
 kindliness, and much of the humorous observer. He 
 also looks unmarried, as he was. It is from the 
 biographical introduction to this volume, by Herr 
 Max Moller, that I have obtained most of the in- 
 formation that I have gathered about the author 
 of our book. 
 
 Julius Stinde was born at Lensahn in Holstein on 
 August 28th, 1841. His father, whom his son idol- 
 ised as a model of all that was patient and steadfast 
 and good, was the pastor. He remained at Lensahn 
 even in face of an offer to become a Court chaplain ; 
 and he accepted the post of Provost only on con- 
 dition that he need not leave his country parish- 
 ioners. Another son, who was a hopeless invalid 
 through an accident in childhood, took to painting 
 and was promising well when he died. A sister kept 
 house for Julius after their mother's death. 
 
 Lensahn remained to Stinde throughout his life a 
 kind of earthly paradise, whither he went always 
 to spend his birthday, and where he was buried, in 
 a grave next to his parents. On the day of his 
 funeral his friend Moller dropped into the inn to 
 
 [18]
 
 INTRODUCTION 
 
 drink to his memory in the room where he had so 
 often played billiards, and one of the villagers, after 
 hearing of the high esteem in which Stinde was 
 held in Berlin and indeed all over Germany, and 
 the fame of his writings, remarked that it was no 
 doubt true, but very difficult to believe by old 
 associates who remembered him as a boy dyeing 
 the ducks a brilliant aniline. That single rem- 
 iniscence of his childhood must suffice. 
 
 On leaving school Julius studied chemistry and 
 natural science, and after taking his degree in 1863 
 became a factory chemist in Hamburg. As a stu- 
 dent, I gather from Moller, he was full-blooded 
 and could hold his own both at the tavern and with 
 the fencing foils. He also read omnivorously, his 
 favourite books being the classics and treatises on 
 magic and the black arts, in which he retained his 
 interest to the end. Another of his later hobbies 
 was cookery and he became famous as a judge of 
 wine. 
 
 Later, while continuing his work as a chemist, 
 Stinde added technical journalism to his labours, 
 and first contributed to, and then edited, the Ham- 
 burg Reform, a paper devoted to pharmaceutical and 
 sanitary interests, and it was in this capacity that he 
 wrote his first book, an elaborate and very thorough 
 monograph entitled Wasser und Seife (Water and
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 Soap) in which every aspect of scientific cleanliness 
 is considered. Not wishing to put his own name 
 on the title page for probably he already had 
 ambitions to be known as a very different kind of 
 author Stinde was amused to borrow that of the 
 good soul who acted as charwoman at the Reform 
 office Frau Wilhelmine Buchholz. So from this 
 worthy lady came not only his pseudonym but later 
 the name that is now a household word wherever 
 German is spoken; but whether she was aware of it 
 Herr Moller does not say. Quite conceivably not, 
 for the charwomen of literary men can be profoundly 
 ignorant of their employers' activities. 
 
 Water and Soap was Stinde's first book. His 
 second was also somewhat remote from the work by 
 which his fame was to be made a eulogy of Wag- 
 ner and particularly of his Meister singer. Wagner 
 at that time in the early eighteen seventies had 
 still not convinced everyone of his genius, and had 
 many detractors; and Stinde, who adored the new 
 music, wrote in his paper a series of critical and 
 analytical articles in praise of the composer. These, 
 when published in 1873, under the title of Meister- 
 singermotive, he dedicated to Riccius, the Meister- 
 singer conductor and so true a Wagnerite that he 
 too had come under the displeasure of the pundits. 
 
 One of the closing passages of the little book 
 runs thus: 
 
 [20]
 
 INTRODUCTION 
 
 "The backbiter is as old as the world. The first 
 backbiter was Cain who slew his brother Abel, and 
 as often as the flames of a joyous sacrifice rise to 
 Heaven from the altar of art, envy causes a new 
 Cain to arise, in order that he may slay the sacri- 
 ficer." 
 
 And this is the end of the whole argument: 
 
 "In the Meistersinger we see genius triumphant, 
 and unconsciously one is overcome by a feeling of 
 confidence that the noble and the true are the por- 
 tals which will open themselves, notwithstanding the 
 efforts of the scoffers to keep them closed. 
 
 "And these Portals alone lead to the wonderland 
 of poesy." 
 
 It is ancient history how the world came round to 
 the view of Stinde, who must have derived much 
 satisfaction from the conversion. 
 
 In after years Wagner visited Hamburg as guest 
 at a banquet in his honour, at which this unknown 
 champion, who was present, with characteristic mod- 
 esty hid away in seclusion. "But where is Dr. 
 Julius Stinde?" Wagner inquired. "Why is he far 
 away in a corner"? I should like to sit opposite 
 him;" and sit there the Master did. 
 
 We have seen Stinde now as the editor of a trade 
 organ, as the author of a work on sanitation, and as 
 
 [21]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 the valiant exponent of a revolutionary composer. 
 His next literary adventure was the writing of a 
 comedy of Hamburg life entitled The Troubles of 
 Hamburg, which was so successful that he was re- 
 lieved of all financial anxiety, if ever he had any, 
 and took advantage of his new affluence to remove 
 to Berlin. And here I may say that although Stinde 
 wrote other plays, largely in the Holstein dialect, 
 he never liked the theatre. In fact he disliked it so 
 much as deliberately to forego the rewards it prom- 
 ised him. There was an atmosphere behind the 
 scenes which his sensitiveness could not tolerate. 
 
 In Berlin Stinde became active and experimental. 
 He continued to write on chemistry and other scien- 
 tific subjects; he wrote stories, serious and light, ten- 
 der poems, and also fairy tales, of which fascinating 
 branch of literature he had a profound knowledge 
 and was careful to observe all the rules. Indeed, Herr 
 Moller tells us, he could be very angry with the frivo- 
 lous levity which some narrators for the young 
 brought to their sacred task. 
 
 It was in 1876 that Stinde settled in Berlin, and 
 it was in 1878 or 1879 that he remembered his old 
 Hamburg charwoman's name and decided to make 
 use of it; this time not so much sheltering behind 
 it as expressing himself imaginatively through it. 
 For the purposes of satire he would assume the
 
 INTRODUCTION 
 
 characteristics of a Wilhelmine Buchholz in rather 
 a superior walk of life, a comfortable Berlin bour- 
 geoise, and speaking through her, as a ventriloquist 
 through a doll, genially but none the less searchingly 
 lay bare the domestic comedy of this new city of 
 his adoption. That he should so quickly have pene- 
 trated below the surface of Berlin is a proof of his 
 remarkable gifts of sympathetic observation and 
 assimilation. How successful he was in this experi- 
 ment and how popular he became, we have seen. 
 
 But Stinde, it seems, like many another author 
 who has prided himself on his variousness, was, 
 although pleased by his success, piqued to find that 
 the public associated him solely with the Buchholzes 
 and disregarded, or received without enthusiasm, his 
 other work; and in consequence he came gradually 
 to write less and less. Herr Moller considers his 
 best book Der Liedermacher, 1893. "Here," he says, 
 "we find his quiet, manly worth, his St. George-like 
 anger at everything which is false, his silent con- 
 tempt for all that is not thorough, his fine sympathy 
 for the little sorrows and joys of womanhood, his 
 north German melancholy, his childish pleasure in 
 all that is droll; and we find also his great redeem- 
 ing humour and his righteous faith. The romance 
 describes in fascinating manner, now serious, now 
 with delicate fun, in turn, the adventures of a young 
 
 [23]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 poet who enters Berlin, full of ideals, as Luther 
 once visited Rome, and who, after being deceived, 
 robbed, disillusioned, and disgusted, is ruined by 
 his surroundings. Stinde gave his hero many of his 
 own characteristics, but he did not bestow on him 
 his humour and his physical strength, with the re- 
 sult that he withered in the bud." But, even with 
 this novel before them, the public still spoke only of 
 Frau Buchholz. 
 
 This fact did not tend to his happiness; while 
 there were other causes to make him melancholy. 
 "Julius Stinde," says Herr Moller, whose sympa- 
 thetic understanding of his friend and pride in him 
 make very pleasant reading, "stood alone. In spite 
 of the true love of his brother and sisters and the 
 friendship of a good man the painter Paulsen 
 which always accompanied him, he stood alone, for 
 he was denied the greatest, namely, love and a home 
 of his own. His pride prevented him from discussing 
 this matter, but whoever was intimately connected 
 with him was bound to discover that he had ex- 
 perienced a great disappointment in love and that 
 the wound would never heal. He, who was able 
 to depict such dear, good women, could often laugh 
 and speak very bitterly of course without becom- 
 ing sentimental when the talk was of those who 
 were heartless. Who the woman was that had de-
 
 INTRODUCTION 
 
 ceived him remains his secret." Perhaps we may 
 assume that she was beautiful from the circumstance 
 that he once remarked, "Those with the Madonna- 
 faces can be the worst." 
 
 Not only was Stinde a little sore about his own 
 failure to make a wide reputation, but his generous 
 nature suffered when the tide of popularity receded 
 from his painter friend Paulsen. When Paulsen 
 died and Stinde buried him, he buried, says Herr 
 Moller, "a large part of his cheerfulness. After 
 that, light jubilant happiness was no longer his 
 guest." "Many a man," Stinde wrote, in one of the 
 last of the Buchholz papers, in 1904, "outlives his 
 hopes; many a man dies with them. He may still 
 go about, and drink and laugh; but really he is 
 dead." 
 
 Although popular in every circle, and a charming 
 conversationalist from a richly-stored mind, Stinde 
 gradually came to confine his visits to a very few 
 houses, in town and country. Among his closest 
 friends were children and domestic animals. "Chil- 
 dren," says Herr Moller, "always took to him, for 
 they knew that he was the best of playfellows. He 
 would accede to their behests with infinite patience, 
 and carve the prettiest of things for them. His 
 monks' heads, which he cut out of chestnuts, making 
 use of the brown shell for the cowl, were really 
 
 [25]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 works of art. And . . . animals discovered in the 
 fairy-tale writer a patron, a seer, who could under- 
 stand, and therefore love, them. He liked to have 
 cats and dogs about him. When he went for con- 
 templative walks under the old church limes at 
 Lensahn and talked to the wise-looking and com- 
 fortably purring cats, one might have been witness- 
 ing a pretty fairy scene. Very touching was his 
 appreciation of his own little dog's faithfulness. 
 This creature, a neat little deerhound, had an almost 
 human intelligence; and he was certainly taught as 
 perhaps few animals are taught. . . . Unfortu- 
 nately he did not fulfil his real practical purpose. 
 He should have given the doctor grounds to go out. 
 But Stinde was satisfied in Berlin with a beautiful 
 balcony, on which grew all kinds of flowers, and 
 where two tortoises passed their phlegmatic exist- 
 ence." 
 
 Latterly Stinde was more occupied with scientific 
 research than writing; but he liked to know all that 
 was going on and could be enthusiastic in praise. 
 His method of reading the papers was peculiar, for 
 he would sit at the harmonium, with these spread 
 open on the music rest, so that while his thoughts 
 were immersed in chemistry or medicine, his favour- 
 ite subjects, his fingers were softly wandering over 
 the keys. 
 
 He died in 1905 at the age of sixty-four.
 
 INTRODUCTION 
 
 III 
 
 It was indignation, always a strong motive with 
 her, that drove Frau Buchholz to write her first 
 letter to the press. 
 
 The historic missive which was to lead to such 
 unsuspected results of popularity and to be the parent 
 of such a notable and immense epistolatory progeny, 
 running to five or six volumes, began thus: 
 
 "I am an unpretending woman, Mr. Editor, and 
 writing is certainly not my strong point, but as your 
 paper which I am so fond of reading sometimes 
 discusses things which can only be properly under- 
 stood and spoken of by women, I take the liberty, as 
 an anxious mother, to pour out my heart to you, and 
 beg you, when my style needs touching up, kindly 
 to put it to rights. It would be painful to me if my 
 daughters were to discover faults in my writing; 
 such a thing would rob me of the authority I have 
 hitherto exercised over them. You cannot imagine 
 what an amount children learn at school nowadays !" 
 
 The grievance was then described : nothing less than 
 the laxity which led publishers and booksellers to 
 circulate, as "plays for children," dramas that 
 touched too freely upon love and lovers. 
 
 Before plunging into the story proper, I should 
 
 [27]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 like to make a little diversion, which not only em- 
 braces a period in the Buchholzes' life anterior to 
 the real drama, but shows us Dr. Stinde and the 
 Frau in company. For this purpose we must look 
 for a moment at the volume entitled The Buch- 
 holzes in Italy ) from which I take nothing for the 
 body of this book, for the principal reason that, 
 though written after the first part, the author ante- 
 dates the travelling experiences to a time before 
 Betti and Emmi were marriageable and therefore 
 interesting. Nor does one quite believe in Frau 
 Buchholz as a tourist. She was too thrifty, one 
 feels, ever really to have consented to the trip at 
 all, the origin of which no doubt was the circum- 
 stance that Dr. Stinde himself, having just been in 
 Italy, wished, like a prudent journalist, to make use 
 of his experiences. 
 
 According to the story, Herr Buchholz, having 
 contracted rheumatic trouble, was ordered south, and 
 Frau Buchholz agreed to accompany him. Her 
 brother, Uncle Fritz, went too, with an eye to his 
 business; but precisely what his business was I have 
 not been able to discover. Like Carl's it had to do 
 with clothing. There are some pleasant touches in 
 the book. Thus, at the beginning: 
 
 "We now divided the preparations amongst us. 
 Uncle Fritz had to occupy himself with the route, 
 
 128]
 
 INTRODUCTION 
 
 to attend to the guide-books, and to inquire from 
 people who had already been in Italy the best way 
 to set about the thing. All matters of equipment de- 
 volved on me, and my Carl, poor rheumatic creature, 
 was obliged to turn his attention to Italian, as he 
 could not trouble himself about other matters on 
 account of his suffering condition. It was a touching 
 picture as the patient soul sat by the stove and in- 
 structed himself in the strange tongue. By the end 
 of a week, however, he thought that he could find 
 his way along, and on the day of departure he said: 
 'Italian gives me no further trouble.' This made 
 me at once proud and happy." 
 
 The route as arranged by Uncle Fritz lay through 
 Verona, Milan, Genoa, the Riviera di Levante (so 
 dear to Germans ever since the Emperor Frederick 
 occupied Lord Carnarvon's villa near Santa 
 Margherita), Pisa, Rome, Naples, Florence and 
 Venice. 
 
 At Pisa Frau Buchholz became peculiarly her- 
 self: "As singing was still going on in the cathe- 
 dral, the leaning tower took its turn of inspection. 
 Uncle Fritz suggested ascending it. 'That rickety 
 thing 1 ?' I exclaimed in horror. 'Why, it might tum- 
 ble down at any moment. Carl, you stay below!' 
 But of what avail are any prayers when men have 
 got a mad freak into their heads? else they would 
 not bet that they could drink twenty drams of pep- 
 
 [29]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 permint, or could trot to Charlottenberg, and be a 
 corpse two days later. It was just the same here, 
 for my Carl naturally wished to ascend the tower. 
 As, however, three people must be together, in order 
 that two may hold one at the top in the event 
 of a desire to spring over seizing him, I thought 
 that my refusal would be an inhibition on the 
 ascent, but I had not taken the mob into ac- 
 count, for some one of the beggars risks his life for 
 a couple of coppers, and joins the party if a third 
 is wanting. 
 
 "My Carl really went and I stayed behind. 'Sup- 
 posing the tower falls when Carl is at the top,' it 
 flashed through me, 'it must tilt over, it leans too 
 much to one side not to do that, for how many a new 
 building tumbles about one's ears when it has barely 
 been finished, while this tower has stood for who 
 knows how long, and is only prevented by age from 
 remaining upright! What shall I do with the un- 
 happy children if it buries their father and supporter 
 under its ruins, and I remain alone in the world, a 
 widow flung from place to place?' The longer I 
 looked at the tower the more crooked it appeared, 
 and the greater became my fear. I shut my eyes 
 not to get giddy, and implored in anguish of heart: 
 Thou God in high Heaven, only let the tower 
 remain standing until my angel Carl is once more 
 [30]
 
 INTRODUCTION 
 
 at the bottom ; I will willingly forgive all Frau Berg- 
 feldt's injuries, although she always begins and I 
 never retort by wishing her evil. Let the un- 
 alterable happen later. Preserve us from sudden 
 death, storms, fire, danger by water, from famine, 
 pestilence and war, and wrest its victory from hell. 
 Amen!'" 
 
 At this moment a member of the Misericordia 
 touched Frau Buchholz on the arm, plunging her 
 into new and more immediate fears, for his costume 
 was terrifying. The result was that "when my Carl 
 found himself once more on level ground, I embraced 
 him with a violence that amazed him as much as 
 did the flood of tears that I was no longer able 
 to control, but as my broken descriptions of what 
 had happened did not enable him to arrive at 
 a satisfactory conclusion, he could find no suffi- 
 cient explanation of my behaviour. I, however, was 
 comforted by the fact that I held him in my arms 
 not dashed to pieces, and so I soon wept myself 
 out." 
 
 But the interesting thing to us about The Buch- 
 holz es in Italy is that at the foot of Vesuvius Frau 
 Buchholz met Dr. Stinde, and with him his artist 
 friend Professor Paulsen, who afterwards was to 
 paint her portrait. I quote the major part of her 
 conversation with these eminent men. 
 
 [so
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 "Dr. Stinde knew me and I knew him by name, 
 as we both occasionally write for Schorer's 'Family 
 Journal,' which may be had in Naples too. Here 
 were two people living in one and the same town 
 and meeting for the first time at the foot of 
 Vesuvius. Berlin really is too cosmopolitan. 
 
 "I said to him instantly : 'Doctor, you must teach 
 me now, for I intend writing a book on Italy, and 
 if I could import into it a dash of science, it would 
 be enormously useful; you would hardly believe 
 what a fashion science is nowadays/ 
 
 "The doctor regretted that he had not his books 
 with him, and so was unable to comply with my 
 request, but I did not slacken my hold of him and 
 asked if he liked roast goose. After he had given 
 an affirmative answer to this with a delicate smile, 
 I said, 'Next autumn I will invite you to dine off a 
 roast goose, such as Frau Buchholz cooks; you will 
 come, I hope*?' 'Goose*? . . . Oh, certainly!' 
 'Good, then; just bring your books with you, we 
 can see to the rest when the things are removed.' 
 For everything depends on the manner in which 
 we treat people.* 
 
 "I knew beforehand that the doctor would not 
 be sufficiently impolite to meet me with a re- 
 fusal, for I have never seen from his pen any of 
 those social castigations, chastising his surroundings 
 in the public papers, for impolite behaviour. I could 
 
 * Indeed, the goose was excellent, for Frau Buchholz sprinkles 
 the roast with cold water as soon as it begins to brown, by which 
 the skin acquires an ideal crackliness. STINDE'S NOTE. 
 
 [32]
 
 INTRODUCTION 
 
 therefore take a certain amount of politeness for 
 granted. . . . 
 
 "A white horse with a sidesaddle had been reserved 
 for me. To tell the truth, I had never been in a 
 saddle since I used to have penny donkey rides as a 
 child at the Griebenows, and would therefore gladly 
 have given up the expedition; but the fear that the 
 doctor might put me into the papers, and that Frau 
 Bergfeldt might hear of my cowardice, was greater 
 than my nervousness; I would prefer breaking my 
 neck to that ! 
 
 "I must confess that I arrived in the saddle better 
 than I expected, but when I was comfortably set- 
 tled it turned out that my steed was not like-minded 
 with myself. Instead of going to the right it took the 
 left, went backwards instead of forwards, as if its 
 forelegs had been fastened on behind, until, to the 
 delight of the spectators, it squeezed me against a 
 garden wall, which was all the more unpleasant as 
 I was not wearing a proper riding habit. 
 
 " 'Do consider that the nag is not your Carl,' 
 Uncle Fritz called out to me, 'and leave it more 
 liberty.' Unfortunately my position was too critical 
 to allow of my answering him with becoming 
 scorn. . . ." 
 
 All rode up the volcano together, for it was before 
 the days of the funicular railway. 
 
 "When body and soul had been restored once more 
 to their normal relations by means of food and drink, 
 
 [33]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 we exercised our gymnastic powers in crossing the 
 sulphureous crevasses, and ascended the cone of 
 eruption. We were certainly standing immediately 
 beside the smoke and hole, but it was impossible to 
 distinguish anything accurately amid the fumes. 
 Even the doctor was just as wise after he had looked 
 down as he was before, and thought that vulcanism 
 was still as ever an unsolved riddle. I must ac- 
 knowledge that this decision caused my faith in 
 science to be considerably shaken, for if it does not 
 know what happens to Vesuvius, which is visible to 
 its eyes, what can it know of things that happened 
 on earth millions of years ago, when it was not 
 present, although it says such and such things have 
 been? In saying this, however, I must not be under- 
 stood as throwing stones at science generally, for 
 did it not exist there would be neither aniline dyes 
 nor salicylic acid, and what would our existence be 
 like without these two things'? A colourless, un- 
 healthy Nothing! No, justice remains justice; 
 science is not without its deserts. 
 
 "I expounded this idea to the doctor, and asked 
 him whether his love of investigation was not suf- 
 ficiently great to make him find a pleasure in being 
 let down into the crater by means of an iron chain, 
 to which he answered quite dryly, 'No.' If, how- 
 ever, it had to be done, he would only undertake it 
 in my company. 
 
 "'Doctor!' I exclaimed in horror, 'how can you 
 demand that I should be burnt to death alive in that 
 flaming cauldron?' 'Well,' he answered, looking 
 
 [34]
 
 INTRODUCTION 
 
 dreadfully innocent, 'I thought you took such 
 a deep interest in science that you would not 
 mind running the risk of a few square feet of 
 blister!' 'What are you thinking about*?' an- 
 swered I. 'Surely science exists principally for 
 the entertainment of us ladies, and to make the 
 terrestrial globe to some extent interesting to 
 
 us!' 
 
 "The doctor put on a still more innocent look, and 
 then said, after a pause: 'You are right, science is 
 scarcely to be distinguished from amusement nowa- 
 days, but that does not make it incumbent on learned 
 men to stake their lives as unnecessarily as their repu- 
 tation/ I must acknowledge that I did not quite 
 understand what the doctor intended to convey, but 
 I assume with confidence that it was a piece of 
 spitefulness.* 
 
 "However, I saw no occasion to involve myself in 
 a discussion amid these smoky surroundings; when 
 volcanoes speak, man must be silent. Besides, the 
 mountain was conducting itself in a highly uncom- 
 fortable manner, with all its noise ; but as it is, so to 
 speak, a Neapolitan child, one cannot well demand 
 quiet, well-bred behaviour of it. The doctor also 
 had the kindness to inform me that on the occasion 
 of the eruption of Vesuvius on April 26, 1872, a 
 fissure had opened suddenly on the side of the cone, 
 and a number of visitors wishing to see the spectacle 
 from close at hand, had been burnt to death by the 
 lava, a story that caused my feeling of security, 
 
 * I am never spiteful. STINDE'S NOTE. 
 
 [35]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 which was sufficiently wavering without it, to sink 
 considerably. The small stones which were falling 
 down from high above us, some of which indeed 
 touched us, the heated surface and the fumes of 
 sulphur soon drove us away, but before we left I 
 cried: 'Gentlemen, please allow me one moment 
 longer. Do you see these skat cards, which I have 
 sworn to send to the place where they belong to 
 hell*?' At the word 'hell' I flung the pack of cards, 
 which I had secretly abducted from Uncle Fritz, 
 into the smoking abyss. Uncle Fritz exclaimed in 
 
 anger, 'Wilhelmine, you are ,' but he got no 
 
 farther, for at the same moment there was such an 
 unprecedentedly violent uproar in the interior of the 
 crater, that the ground trembled beneath our feet, 
 and we were overwhelmed by a hail of fairly sized 
 fragments. I took nimbly to my heels and made 
 sure that I got down, for I believed that the moun- 
 tain was about to open up again, and get me into 
 the flaming lava. My knees were tottering for a 
 long time afterwards. In what direction Vesuvius 
 vomited the four knaves is a problem that, like 
 vulcanism, will probably remain insoluble for 
 ever. . . . 
 
 "It was not until we were seated at a well-laid 
 table in the restaurant of Vermouth di Torino at 
 Naples, nor till the artist Paulsen had ordered a bot- 
 tle of Chianti, containing at least five litres, that the 
 consciousness of our humanity was borne in upon us. 
 My Carl dined off a roast quail served on a risotto. 
 I asked: 'How does it taste*?' He answered: 
 
 [36]
 
 INTRODUCTION 
 
 'The most miserable creature could eat it.' Then I 
 ordered one for myself. 
 
 "As the professor and the doctor intended tak- 
 ing boat across to Capri the next morning, and as 
 it was of consequence to me to induce the latter to 
 edit my book, I said that we intended doing the 
 same. Hereupon we discoursed much of science and 
 art. . . . 
 
 "Of course Uncle Fritz disturbed the conversation, 
 for he had gone off to a shop and bought a fresh 
 pack of cards." 
 
 And now for the domestic adventures of the 
 Buchholz Family. The Landsbergerstrasse, where 
 they lived, is, I should say, in north-eastern Berlin, 
 running from the Alexander Platz to the Friedrichs- 
 bain; and every house in it was, in the eighteen 
 seventies and eighties, the home of a middle-class 
 German family of which the Buchholzes were a 
 type: Herr Carl Buchholz, who, in addition to his 
 business by day, had, as a vestryman, certain munici- 
 pal duties which perhaps lifted him a shade above 
 most of his neighbours, but being a modest, self- 
 contained and just man he would never have claimed 
 the superiority; Frau Wilhelmine Buchholz, nee 
 Fabian; and their two daughters Betti and Emmi. 
 That was the family; but Frau Buchholz's brother 
 Fritz, a jocular convivial man about town, must be 
 added to it. It is with these five persons and cer- 
 tain of their friends and acquaintances that the book 
 
 [37] 
 
 438991
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 is concerned. The writer nominally is Frau Buch- 
 holz herself, and for the greater part Dr. Stinde 
 maintained with success the illusion of feminine au- 
 thorship ; but now and then one is conscious of a turn 
 of thought of which she would not have been likely 
 or even capable, while it is doubtful if she would 
 have given herself away in print quite as often as the 
 humorous necessities of the book demand. But taken 
 as a whole the work is a great feat of impersonation, 
 and it reveals in its author a mind conspicuous for 
 sagacity and human sympathy. 
 
 Spring, 1916. E. V. L. 
 
 [38J
 
 CHAPTER I 
 
 A YOUNG COUPLE GIVE A BETROTHAL PARTY AND 
 
 FRAU BUCHHOLZ'S THOUGHTS ARE TURNED 
 
 TO IMATCH-MAKING 
 
 The book proper begins here> with the account of 
 the visit to Bilse's concert room; because it is here 
 that we have the first hint that Frau Buchholz's 
 daughters Emmi and Betti are marriageable, and the 
 true theme of the work is marriage. Let us there- 
 fore take that as our start. 
 
 Here we meet also Frau Bergfeldt, who is to re- 
 main a thorn in the side of Frau Buchholz through- 
 out the whole work. 
 
 YOU must now allow me to tell you of a sur- 
 prise I had the other day. Well, I was sitting 
 thinking absolutely about nothing, when the house- 
 bell rang and the postman came in and handed me 
 a money order. At first I wouldn't believe the order 
 was for me, but I was obliged to sign the paper, 
 and the man then put down the gold pieces on the 
 
 [39]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 table and went away. I found out that the money 
 came as a payment for the letter I had written to 
 you. Now really I had never expected such a thing, 
 and then what an amount! I was quite overcome, 
 and could not help crying, and the girls cried too. 
 The money lay there on the table; it seemed to me 
 as though it might vanish any moment if I touched 
 it, and I could have fancied that the postman had 
 been a spirit from fairyland, had he not left pretty 
 visible signs of his footmarks on the floor. 
 
 My husband said to me: "Wilhelmine, I am 
 really proud of you, for you have earned all that as 
 an authoress!" "Carl," said I to him, "I have per- 
 haps sometimes been a little hard upon you, but it 
 shall never happen again; no, certainly never again, 
 dear." He threw his arms round me and kissed me, 
 and I could not help beginning to cry again. Emmi 
 and Betti clung about me, seeing me still uncon- 
 soled, and dried their own tears. "Now, have done, 
 children," I said coaxingly, "it's only joy that's mak- 
 ing me cry." I could not help thinking, "If only 
 Frau Heimreich could see all this, how envious she 
 would be !" 
 
 "What shall you do with all that money, Wilhel- 
 mine?" said my husband. "I shall keep it as an 
 everlasting remembrance," I replied, "or if it can't 
 be otherwise, I shall buy myself a new bonnet; my 
 old one is altogether out of fashion. Frau Krause 
 
 [40]
 
 A BETROTHAL PARTY 
 
 has just bought herself a new one." The children 
 thought it best I should buy a new bonnet, so I gave 
 in to their clamouring, and we all three went straight 
 off to our bonnet shop. But as there was a nice bit 
 of money over, I said to them : "With this we will 
 all go and spend a happy day together somewhere. 
 What do you say to going to Bilse's concert-room*? 
 I will put on my new bonnet, and father shall come 
 and fetch us home!" 
 
 The children's delight knew no bounds, and on 
 our way home we turned in at the confectioner's 
 and had chocolate with whipped cream on the top, 
 and also something good to nibble at. It was 
 delicious ! 
 
 In the evening we set out early so as to get good 
 places at Bilse's. When we entered the hall, I saw 
 a friend of mine sitting at one of the tables. We 
 exchanged salutations and I said: "Good-evening, 
 Frau Bergfeldt, I am glad that we should have met. 
 How Augusta has grown since I last saw her!" 
 Frau Bergfeldt clearly thought too that her daughter 
 had improved. I soon saw, however, that it was 
 only her dress that made Augusta seem to have 
 grown; it was made in the latest fashion with a 
 train and cuirass bodice, and her hair was combed 
 down over her forehead like a pony's mane. In my 
 daughter I would not have put up with such things, 
 although Betti would have looked quite as well in
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 that style of dress. Augusta has been confirmed two 
 years ago, it is true, but is nevertheless still so thin 
 and awkward, it seems a crying shame to dress her 
 like a grown-up person. Girls that have such skinny 
 elbows had certainly better wear long sleeves. 
 
 We took seats at their table, but when Emmi was 
 about to sit down beside Augusta, Frau Bergfeldt 
 said the chair was engaged, as Emil was coming 
 later. I said: "But there are two empty chairs, 
 surely Emil can't want more than one!" Where- 
 upon she replied, somewhat embarrassed, that Emil 
 was going to bring a friend with him. "Aha," 
 thought I to myself, "there's something in the wind 
 here. I shall watch." 
 
 And not long afterwards Emil did come sure 
 enough and with him a friend, who, as I gathered 
 later, is a law-student like Emil, and had still a 
 couple of years' study before him. Just as I had 
 expected, the friend sat down on the chair beside 
 Augusta, who coloured up to her eyes and behaved 
 more awkwardly even than she had done before. 
 Emil took his seat beside Betti, and thus our table 
 was full. 
 
 The concert began, and the musicians had scarcely 
 begun to play when Frau Bergfeldt drew a stocking 
 out of her pocket, and began knitting so busily one 
 would have thought she meant to earn back the 
 money she had paid for her entrance. While the 
 
 [42]
 
 A BETROTHAL PARTY 
 
 music was slow and solemn she knitted away quietly, 
 but when a valse struck up, the rhythm seemed to get 
 into her fingers and she let so many stitches drop 
 that Augusta had afterwards to undo all she had 
 done ; this explained to me why the knitted part had 
 lost its whiteness. 
 
 No one can be more in favour of industry at home 
 than I am, for I detest to see folks idle; but when 
 one goes to a concert to improve one's mind, it is 
 ridiculous to try to divide one's attention between a 
 symphony and a stocking. Moreover, I don't be- 
 lieve that Beethoven wrote those heavenly compo- 
 sitions of his, simply that people might knit while 
 they were being played. And how grand those 
 symphonies are! When everybody sits there as if 
 plunged four cellar-stairs deep in thought, one 
 fancies that nothing could rouse them up but a good 
 sousing with cold water. But that's the power of 
 
 music ! 
 
 Between the parts we chatted away pleasantly. 
 Emil began an interesting conversation with Betti 
 about German literature, and as she had only shortly 
 before been reading one of Marlitt's novels, she had 
 something to say for herself. She thought too that 
 Marlitt described her characters splendidly, and 
 considered it perfectly right that the baron was shot, 
 and that the brave and manly engineer should marry 
 the countess. When children have been taught some- 
 
 [43]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 thing, they can afterwards put in a word themselves 
 nicely. , 
 
 Augusta Bergfeldt and the law-student scarcely 
 uttered a syllable, but every now and again they 
 looked sideways at each other in a loving way, and 
 that language was plain enough. Frau Bergfeldt 
 pretended that she did not notice anything; she 
 always addressed the young man as "dear Herr 
 Weigelt," and asked him what he was doing, how his 
 parents were, and why he did not wear the mittens 
 which Augusta had worked for him. "You no doubt 
 want to keep the young man warm by giving him 
 mittens as a present," I whispered to her, without 
 meaning any mischief by the joke. But she cast a 
 spiteful glance at my new bonnet and said: "We 
 go in more for what is useful, not for flimsiness and 
 trumpery." I was speechless! To have my new 
 bonnet called trumpery! If I had borrowed it, or 
 had tormented Carl for the money for it, it might 
 have been a different matter. When I had recovered 
 myself, I replied: "When a husband has to earn 
 all the money by himself, it is wrong for a wife to 
 follow the fashions too much." That was a pretty 
 good hit at her! 
 
 During the second part we ate the cakes I had 
 brought with me ; the two young gentlemen lit their 
 cigars, and the more beautiful the music became, the 
 closer drew the chairs of Augusta and young Wei- 
 
 [44]
 
 A BETROTHAL PARTY 
 
 gelt. I did not say anything further, but noticed 
 that when the band played a pot-pourri of very af- 
 fecting music bringing in the air "Oh, that thou wert 
 my own," the two were sitting hand in hand, looking 
 at each other sentimentally. 
 
 The concert at last came to an end; Carl and Herr 
 Bergfeldt were waiting for us at the entrance, and 
 we then proceeded to a restaurant, where we en- 
 gaged a room for ourselves, to be more comfortable. 
 Carl had told Herr Bergfeldt how I had got my new 
 bonnet, and he congratulated me and said that he 
 now classed me among German authoresses. His 
 wife, however, remarked and I am sure she spoke 
 out of pure envy "that ladies who took to their 
 pen never troubled themselves much about domestic 
 matters." "Indeed," said I ; "at all events, I trouble 
 myself more about my girls than you do about yours. 
 I should never allow one of mine to go flirting with 
 a student as your Augusta does." I can tell you, 
 my words fell like a bomb among them, and made 
 Herr Bergfeldt exclaim: "What's that you say 1 ? 
 Herr Weigelt, I trust you are not . . ." "Oh, 
 Goodness, papa!" cried Augusta. "Franz means it 
 all in earnest !" exclaimed Frau Bergfeldt. "Who's 
 Franz*?" asked the father vehemently. "It's Herr 
 Weigelt," replied his wife. "He loves Augusta 
 faithfully and deeply. . . ." 
 
 "I must beg a word with you, sir, about all this," 
 
 [45]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 said Herr Bergfeldt, addressing young Weigelt, who 
 stood there with a face the colour of confiscated 
 milk; and, my Goodness, how he did quake! Just 
 like one of those new-fangled electric bells. One 
 really could not help pitying him. 
 
 "Who are you?" inquired the father. "I'm a 
 law-student," he replied. "Where did you become 
 acquainted with my daughter?" "At Bilse's con- 
 cert-room." "And they are so much in love with 
 each other!" exclaimed Frau Bergfeldt. "Oh, we 
 are, Papa!" cried Augusta in tears. "But you are 
 too young a fellow to think of marrying, and a 
 father is not likely to give away his daughter so 
 long beforehand." "Oh, Papa, you will break my 
 heart!" sobbed Augusta; "Franz is so good!" "Do 
 you wish to make our child unhappy*?" put in the 
 mother. 
 
 Young Weigelt stood before the father like a 
 criminal awaiting his sentence, and didn't seem able 
 to utter a word. "Will you promise to consider my 
 child's happiness?" said Herr Bergfeldt, addressing 
 him. "Will you promise me to be industrious, to 
 pass your examinations, to live steadily, and to oh, 
 my child, my eldest, my firstborn ... !" He could 
 not go on, and Augusta too was dissolved in tears, 
 and when the mother then quickly placed the young 
 people's hands in one another and said "Bless you, 
 my children," they were both in tears. And indeed 
 
 [46]
 
 A BETROTHAL PARTY 
 
 it was a very affecting moment. My own eyes were 
 full of tears, still I could not help quietly saying 
 to myself that the engagement had, at any rate, 
 been far too hastily made. He can't keep himself 
 yet; and she with her skinny elbows he will be 
 astonished when he sees them ! 
 
 Although the Bergfeldts have not acted very 
 kindly towards me, still I congratulated them, and 
 said I hoped they would not need to repent having 
 betrothed their girl so early to so young a man. 
 That he was young could be seen at once, from the 
 small crop of hair on his face. I, for one, should 
 never have cared to have had him as a son-in-law. 
 Surely outward appearance goes for something, why 
 else should I have cared to buy a new bonnet? 
 
 Well, the betrothal was celebrated in all quiet- 
 ness, and we determined not to mention a syllable 
 about it, till young Weigelt had passed his examina- 
 tions. Yet how can an engagement be kept quiet? 
 First of all the washerwoman gets to hear of it, and 
 before a week is out the news has spread round the 
 whole circle of one's acquaintance; that I know by 
 experience, for it was the same when I was engaged 
 to Carl my father wished to keep it secret, but my 
 mother could not keep quiet about it. 
 
 Herr Bergfeldt was more silent than usual, and 
 kept rolling up his bread-crumbs into little balls; 
 his wife, however, put on as beaming a face as pos- 
 
 [47]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 sible. And I will not deny that to have a newly- 
 engaged daughter may well fill a mother's heart with 
 pride and pleasure, yet surely only when one can 
 make some show of the lover, and also when he has 
 not, as it were, been dragged on by the hair of his 
 head, but merely followed the gentle promptings of 
 love. 
 
 Owing to Herr Bergfeldt being very monosyllabic, 
 we did not stay long. He found fault with every- 
 thing, even with what pleased us. This behaviour 
 of his made upon the attendants the impression that 
 we were very genteel folks, and this was one good 
 thing. On our way home I asked Carl if he had not 
 noticed that young Weigelt had a very dazed kind 
 of look, that is to say, looked as if he himself had 
 fancied the engagement had been hurried on a little 
 too quickly. Carl thought the young fellow must 
 be a ninny, otherwise he would not have allowed 
 himself to be so bamboozled; for it was quite clear 
 that the mother had managed the matter, and that 
 she had taken the girl to Bilse's in order to show her 
 off, not for the music. He added that he wouldn't 
 like me to take our girls to such places without him. 
 
 I replied that he might depend upon me, that I 
 would take care that our girls did not become en- 
 gaged like that, and that I knew how to keep off 
 young fellows without any prospects. We went on 
 talking, for one word led to another, and there was 
 
 [48]
 
 A BETROTHAL PARTY 
 
 no peace till Carl stopped speaking; this he always 
 does when we don't agree, and it vexes me all the 
 more, for I never know what he may be thinking to 
 himself. It is a difficult thing to deal with men. 
 
 When we got home, Betti asked when we should 
 be going to Bilse's concert-room again, whereupon 
 her father said: "Not for a long time to come." 
 Betti looked very disappointed and muttered some- 
 thing about having promised Emil Bergfeldt to be 
 there next Thursday. 
 
 This was a pretty bit of news for me ! But I set 
 to at once and gave them all a pretty talking to, 
 which they richly deserved : Carl, because he had not 
 been with us; Betti, because she had been making 
 plans with Emil without my knowledge ; and Emmi, 
 because she ought to have heard, and to have told 
 me what the two were planning. We were an ill- 
 humoured company, and the day which had begun 
 so delightfully ended in vexation and annoyance. 
 
 When I was alone with Carl I said to him : "We 
 must look well after our girls, for such engagements 
 as we have seen to-day must surely never be heard of 
 in our family !" Carl thought that if mothers would 
 only be sensible, such ridiculous proceedings would 
 never happen, even though young people looked at 
 each other ever so kindly, and the music were ever 
 so sentimental. But I should like to know how much 
 men understand about such things'? 
 
 [49]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 It is quite possible that Emil Bergfeldt may have 
 finished his law studies in a couple of years, and 
 Betti is ten times as pretty as that skinny Augusta 
 who was now engaged. And as to the music, the 
 band at Bilse's plays splendidly, all but the drum- 
 mer, who bangs away at his instrument as if he 
 wanted to smash it, and it wouldn't be smashed. 
 Why should one not go to the concerts oftener*? It 
 cannot be denied that he is a fine-looking young 
 fellow, and would look specially well in a sergeant's 
 uniform, if not a lieutenant's.
 
 CHAPTER II 
 
 VISITING THE EXHIBITION, WE MEET DR. WRENZ- 
 CHEN, AND HERR BUCHHOLZ EXCEEDS 
 
 I WILL not trouble you with a description of the 
 Exhibition, I should really need to be a profes- 
 sional writer for that; so I will only remark that the 
 impression made upon me, as well as upon the chil- 
 dren, was an overpowering one. Carl, who had been 
 to see it several times, struck me as rather indifferent 
 to its splendour, both generally and in detail. 
 
 It was a very hot day, so Carl offered to let us 
 have some little refreshment at the Moabite beer- 
 house, and we did not say nay to that. Carl went to 
 fetch the beer himself, and walked straight up to a 
 fat Bavarian who was drawing the stuff from a gi- 
 gantic barrel. I thought to myself how gallant and 
 good that Carl of mine is, what a truly admirable 
 husband, when my eyes caught sight of a Munich 
 barmaid, in her gay, fantastic costume, who was
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 handing him the change and smiling at him as if he 
 were an old acquaintance. 
 
 That smile struck me to the heart, but not a word 
 did I say; in my own mind, however, I resolved never 
 to let him go to the Exhibition again alone most 
 firmly did I vow that to myself ! 
 
 The beer tasted like wormwood to me, which can- 
 not be wondered at considering the circumstances. 
 I could not drink it, and so gave it to the children 
 that it might not be wasted. 
 
 Carl said to me: "You do not seem to like the 
 beer, Wilhelmine; shall we try some lighter kind*?" 
 "The sun is too hot here," I replied, casting a 
 glance at the barmaid, but Carl did not or would 
 not understand what I meant. "Very well, let us go 
 to the Bohemian brewery," was his answer. I was 
 glad to get away, and we sauntered along to the 
 Bohemian bar. There, to our great joy, we met not 
 only Uncle Fritz, but also Dr. Wrenzchen, the doc- 
 tor who had attended me when Frau Bergfeldt's 
 shameful behaviour threw me upon my sick-bed. It 
 was very pleasant meeting him, for, to a patient, a 
 doctor does always seem a kind of supernatural be- 
 ing, a very angel of comfort, especially when he is 
 kind and gentle, and knows how to cheer up a suf- 
 fering fellow-creature with a neat little joke every 
 now and again. Well, we soon got chatting very 
 pleasantly. Carl and Fritz meanwhile began dis- 
 
 [52]
 
 VISITING THE EXHIBITION 
 
 cussing which was the best beer, my husband having 
 said that I seemed to prefer the Bohemian to the 
 Moabite. But then he didn't know what good rea- 
 sons I had for liking it best. 
 
 The one declared this, the other that, so, as they 
 couldn't agree, Uncle Fritz was wicked enough to 
 propose a beer wager, which Carl took up, in spite of 
 a significant cough from me, though the doctor kept 
 out of it. I then remarked that it was high time 
 we saw something of the Exhibition. Carl, how- 
 ever, declared that he must go the round of the 
 beers with Fritz so as to settle the wager, and that 
 therefore I had better go alone with the children. 
 He further said that he and Fritz would meet us in 
 the Old German wine-room at five o'clock. The doc- 
 tor offered to accompany me and the girls, for, as he 
 said, he was just then taking Marienbad waters at 
 home for his stoutness, and therefore, would have to 
 forego the pleasure of the beer-tasting trip. Carl 
 put on a face as innocent as if he had only just been 
 confirmed. 
 
 I saw through him, however, although I said noth- 
 ing at the time, for I did not want the doctor to 
 notice that our domestic happiness was disturbed and 
 likely to collapse altogether; moreover, Betti had 
 taken rather a fancy to him, and Emil Bergfeldt is 
 after all no proper match for her. That letter of 
 his mother's and the broken stew-pan were enough 
 
 [53]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 to separate us for ever from that family. And then, 
 a doctor in the family would be so very convenient; 
 he could not, of course, charge his relatives for every 
 little, trifling bit of advice. All I said to Carl on 
 parting was: "Now, Carl, remember and keep to 
 one sort; you know you can't stand taking a lot of 
 different kinds." 
 
 The doctor then led us through the Exhibition. It 
 was really wonderful how he explained everything. 
 Betti was quite overcome with amazement, in fact I 
 had more than once to whisper to her : "Don't stand 
 with your mouth wide open like that, you look too 
 ridiculous." When passing the furnished rooms, I 
 made the remark that middle-class folk could never 
 afford such luxuries, whereupon the good doctor said : 
 "The smallest of rooms is big enough for a happy, 
 loving couple!" "Do you hear, Betti," said I, 
 "what excellent ideas the doctor has about life*?" 
 But instead of making any sensible reply and yet 
 we subscribe to the 'Gartenlaube' magazine she 
 suddenly shut her mouth with a click, for it was open 
 again, and my speaking to her made her think that I 
 was again about to give her a motherly rebuke. To 
 make up for the girl's stupidity, I said knowingly: 
 "Betti is so overcome by all these productions of the 
 busy human mind in industry and art, that she did 
 not hear your excellent remark, dear Doctor." 
 
 "Don't mention it, madam," said he, kind as ever; 
 
 [54]
 
 VISITING THE EXHIBITION 
 
 "it's only external." I tapped him gently on the 
 arm with my fan, which served me in place of a 
 parasol that day, and tried to take up the thread 
 of our conversation again by saying: "Quite right, 
 Doctor; the main thing is, after all, that there should 
 be a harmony of hearts." He looked at me side- 
 ways a little, and seemed to wink with his one eye, 
 and I was just about telling him what Betti would 
 have at her marriage, and that there would be some- 
 thing more when we came into the money which my 
 aunt in Biitzow was to leave us, when Emmi all of a 
 sudden exclaimed aloud: "Oh, look, Mamma, how 
 bright that bath is, and water is actually running 
 into it!" 
 
 Although she is my own flesh and blood, I could 
 at that moment have done her some injury, for that 
 senseless exclamation put an untimely end to a con- 
 versation upon which her sister's happiness depended. 
 How pleasant it would have been had Betti and the 
 doctor left the Exhibition that afternoon an en- 
 gaged couple, and how it would have vexed the Berg- 
 feldts. For if a doctor with a practice were to be 
 weighed against an ill-fed law-student, the latter 
 would prove by far the lighter of the two surely. 
 But now the conversation was broken off once and 
 for ever, and could not be taken up again; in face 
 of a bath, love-affairs could surely not be discussed, 
 at least such a thing would go against my feelings. 
 
 [55]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 The right moment was clearly lost. I cannot, of 
 course, get ill again simply to have the doctor about 
 me, and he is not likely to come of his own accord. 
 All I could now do was to count upon the walk home. 
 
 The doctor looked at his watch and said it was 
 time to go to the wine-room, where we had appointed 
 to meet my husband and Uncle Fritz, and so away 
 we went. But, oh, that bath ! I gave it such a look 
 at parting that verily it would have blistered had it 
 not been of the best workmanship; might it not be 
 said that in it lay buried the happiness of my eldest 
 child! 
 
 We had to pass through the spirit department, 
 where the exhibitors invited us most pressingly to 
 taste their samples free of charge, and the doctor 
 actually induced us to try a little of one of the ladies' 
 liqueurs. Just as I was about to express my thanks 
 for this civility, I caught sight of Carl, who was 
 having some stuff poured out for him and seemed to 
 be tasting several kinds of brandy. I went up to 
 him and said: "Carl, do you call this waiting for 
 us?" "Well, well," he said, and laughed, "that at 
 the Moabite is the best after all." "Have you been 
 there again*?" I asked. "Of course, my darling," 
 said he, chucking me under the chin. "Carl," said 
 I severely, "you have been drinking too many sorts." 
 "I've not had enough yet though," said he cheerily. 
 "Where is Uncle Fritz?' "Oh, the muff! He 
 [56]
 
 VISITING THE EXHIBITION 
 
 wouldn't even come to the liqueurs. I haven't a 
 notion where he is." 
 
 "Doctor," said I, "do take my husband by the 
 arm, so that the children may not notice anything; 
 he has but a poor stomach." 
 
 "Oh, it's only external," replied the doctor, taking 
 hold of Carl and drawing him away. 
 
 It was most kind of Dr. Wrenzchen taking so 
 much trouble with my husband, and trying to make 
 him take some interest in the Exhibition, in spite 
 of Carl always wanting to get back to the liqueur- 
 stall and maintaining that he had not tried all the 
 different sorts. However, the doctor held him firmly 
 by the arm, and when we were passing the surgical 
 department which was close to the liqueurs, he be- 
 gan telling him what all the different knives and 
 saws, the cauterisers and probes were used for, and 
 also made him look at the artificial legs and arms. 
 
 "Oh, how much misery there is in the world!" 
 exclaimed Carl. "Unhappy mortals! Children, 
 thank Heaven your limbs are sound. Ah, poor suf- 
 fering humanity, what an amount of misery this 
 makes one think of!" 
 
 As he was lamenting thus, some one at the moment 
 struck up on the organ close by Dies ist der Tag des 
 Herrn. This brought things to a climax. Carl's 
 feeling so overcame him that he began to sob vio- 
 lently, and kept exclaiming "Children, thank
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 Heaven ! Yes, we need all do that !" And with this 
 he sank down on a chair crying bitterly. 
 
 When the children heard and saw all this they 
 were frightened and horror-struck. "Oh, Goodness ! 
 what is the matter with papa," shrieked Emmi. 
 "Oh, Papa, dear Papa!" cried Betti. People gath- 
 ered round us, and among the crowd whom should I 
 see but Frau Bergfeldt with Augusta, and that 
 gaunt, miserable-looking student of hers ! I felt as 
 if the heavens were coming down upon me. "Chil- 
 dren," I cried, "stand in front of your father; this 
 is no sight for persons without feeling and culture." 
 
 "Ladies and gentlemen," said good Dr. Wrenz- 
 chen, "I beg you to move on this gentleman is feel- 
 ing a little ill from the great heat; he will soon be all 
 right again." And the people did move away, only 
 the woman Bergfeldt kept standing where she was. 
 "Heat 1 ?" she called out in a scoffing tone of voice, 
 "it's more likely he hasn't had anything proper to 
 eat; when a wife takes to writing, the husband has 
 to suffer for it. Come, Augusta and Franz, we are to 
 have chicken and asparagus for supper this evening." 
 I was speechless. The Bergfeldts with asparagus! 
 Good heavens! a few heads, maybe, as a treat at 
 Whitsuntide, but only then surely! Asparagus*? I 
 would have liked to choke her with that lump of 
 cyanide of potassium which we had just been admir- 
 ing, because, as we were told, it was strong enough to 
 
 [58]
 
 VISITING THE EXHIBITION 
 
 poison all the inhabitants of Berlin, Charlottenburg 
 and Rixdorf put together yes, at that moment I 
 would willingly have stuffed it down her throat. 
 The organ meanwhile was playing away, and Carl 
 jabbering on about the miseries of poor, suffering 
 humanity. 
 
 When he became a little more pacified I drove him 
 home; the girls remained with the doctor for the 
 concert. At first I did not wish to accept his offer 
 to be their cavalier, but I gave in, especially as he 
 seemed to wink at me in rather a knowing way. 
 When we got home I gave Carl a pretty talking to, 
 and he was quite crestfallen. "Dearest Wilhelmine, 
 I will never again touch a liqueur." "And will you 
 never again allow yourself to be tempted by Fritz 
 to go in for a beer wager*?" "No." "And never 
 again go flirting with that Bavarian barmaid?" 
 "Now, Mina dear." "Well then, with no barmaid 
 whatever?" "How can you say such things ?" 
 "And will you go and inform against that Frau Berg- 
 feldt for her insulting language to me?" "I will do 
 anything and everything you wish, dear, but cannot 
 do as you wish about Frau Bergfeldt." "So you 
 mean to allow her to go on at me like a rattlesnake ?" 
 "There is nothing to accuse her of." 
 
 I saw clearly there was something wrong and 
 therefore said: "Carl, do tell me what all this 
 means, for my happiness and that of our children is 
 
 [59]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 at stake. What is it that Frau Bergfeldt knows 
 about you 1 ?" 
 
 When I had got him meek enough, he made his 
 confession; it was this: Once, long ago, when he 
 and Bergfeldt were still young fellows and full of 
 youthful spirits, they had celebrated a birthday to- 
 gether, and at night had kicked up a row with one 
 of the watchmen, which ended in their both being 
 carried off to the guardhouse; unfortunately, as it 
 was late on a Saturday night, they had to remain 
 there till Monday morning. "Is that all," said I, 
 "and she fancies she could brew mischief with that ! 
 Why that's nothing at all, Carl ; to my mind it needs 
 a good bit of courage to attack a watchman, and in 
 courage you've never been wanting. It's only drink- 
 ing different sorts of things together that you can't 
 stand." He then promised me to be careful in 
 future, and I know him well enough to know that he 
 will keep his word. 
 
 The girls did not return till Carl was in bed, for 
 he had retired earlier than usual. When they came 
 in I asked them- how they had enjoyed themselves. 
 "Very much," said Emmi; "and the doctor kept 
 winking with one eye all the time." 
 
 "Did he really, Betti, my darling child?" 
 
 "Yes, Mamma, the whole evening." 
 
 "And what did he say to you?" I asked, full of 
 curiosity.
 
 VISITING THE EXHIBITION 
 
 "He said that he was probably getting a sty in 
 his eye," cried Emmi ; "and that he had felt it all the 
 afternoon." 
 
 "Well, well," said I, "a doctor must know that 
 best." Later in the evening I learned that it was 
 Fritz who had played the organ at the Exhibition, 
 that so upset Carl. He got it pretty hotly from me 
 for his trouble!
 
 CHAPTER III 
 
 HERR BUCHHOLZ HAS TOOTHACHE AND TRIES TOO 
 MANY REMEDIES 
 
 A WEEK ago we celebrated our wedding-day 
 it was one of the most abominable days I ever 
 remember. This anniversary to me, otherwise, is 
 the happiest fete of all the year, more than Easter 
 or Whitsuntide put together, for it is my special day, 
 and moreover Carl is the patron saint of the day. 
 It might be asked why the day isn't a special day 
 for Carl as well. Of course it may be, but then, how 
 can I tell whether I have made him as happy as he 
 has made me*? I can only hope I have; yet I cannot 
 imagine that any mortal soul could ever have been 
 as happy as I was that first wedding-day when he 
 gave me his name, and before God and all the peo- 
 ple in the church proclaimed his love for me aloud 
 and publicly. I remember I couldn't get that one 
 word "yes" to cross my lips; I felt frightened at 
 
 [62]
 
 TOOTHACHE 
 
 seeing the great number of people, and yet I could 
 have shouted for joy. 
 
 So when our wedding-day comes round, that first 
 day rises up vividly in my remembrance as if it had 
 only been yesterday; and when Carl embraces me, 
 with never a word, and gives me a kiss, I feel as if 
 he were still my bridegroom, with the sprig of myrtle 
 in his buttonhole, a white necktie, and beautifully 
 dressed hair; yet nowadays I have him only in a 
 dressing-gown, and his hair is apt to be tousled early 
 of a morning. 
 
 In the evening we always have a small gathering 
 of friends and acquaintances, and something extra 
 good for supper. Carl is not one to despise his food, 
 and I'm glad when he finds things tasty. On this 
 particular occasion he hardly touched anything, and 
 I was uneasy about him. 
 
 "Is anything the matter, Carl !" I asked. 
 
 "Oh, no!" he said, but I noticed that his "oh" 
 was drawn out half the length of the Friedrich 
 Strasse. I begged him to tell me what ailed him, 
 but he persistently refused to answer any questions, 
 and, in fact, was, I may say, a little unpleasant 
 towards me. 
 
 Our last visitors did not leave till half-past one 
 o'clock. When we were alone I could not help com- 
 plaining of his behaviour during the evening, where- 
 upon he said that he had toothache, and hadn't been 
 
 [63]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 in the humour to enjoy himself. I proposed that he 
 should have a handkerchief tied up his head, but he 
 ridiculed this and said the pain was not much and 
 would probably go off by itself. 
 
 So I went into the kitchen to pay the charwoman, 
 who generally comes in to help when we have 
 friends. I let a word or two drop about my husband 
 having the toothache, whereupon old Grunert 
 that's to say, the charwoman said she knew of an 
 excellent sympathetic remedy which had cured num- 
 bers of people. 
 
 I thought at once, why should we not give it a 
 trial, for sympathy is, at all events, wonderfully 
 cheap. 
 
 Carl pooh-poohed the idea of old Grunert's rem- 
 edy, but I persuaded him to try it, as sympathy could 
 surely do him no harm. He at last consented to let 
 her try her hand. 
 
 Grunert knew that we had an elder-tree in the 
 garden that would suit her purpose, so she went out 
 quietly and cut a small piece off one of the branches; 
 on returning she poked this bit of wood round and 
 round in Carl's decayed tooth till it bled. All this 
 was done without a word being spoken. Then she 
 went out again to the tree and tied the bit of wood 
 with a linen thread on to the place from which she 
 had cut it, and then came in and asked if the pain 
 had gone. 
 
 [64]
 
 TOOTHACHE 
 
 "Is that what you expected*?" exclaimed Carl, an- 
 noyed. "My tooth aches much worse since you wor- 
 ried it with that bit of wood." But Grunert merely 
 said, just let him wait till the wood has grown on to 
 the tree again, the pain will vanish in a moment. 
 After wishing that he might very soon be better, she 
 went away home. 
 
 Carl grumbled dreadfully about her nonsense, es- 
 pecially as the toothache had become more violent 
 since the sympathetic remedy had been applied. 
 
 I suggested that he should try holding warm water 
 in his mouth, which is said to be a good thing, and 
 went into the kitchen to get a little heated. 
 
 "Well, ma'am," said our cook to me, "when I've 
 the toothache I use spirit of mustard-seed and rub 
 it on my cheek; it burns a bit, but it does good." 
 Luckily she had a little of the spirit, which I grate- 
 fully accepted, and applied it to Carl's cheek. 
 
 I soon wished I hadn't, for the stuff really seemed 
 terribly hot and strong; Carl said his face felt as if 
 it had been painted with some hellish fire. His cheek 
 became as red as a boiled lobster and soon afterwards 
 got very swollen. Then, of course, he was obliged 
 to have his head tied up, which is what ought to have 
 been done at the outset if only he had followed my 
 advice. But men are always so obstinate, even when 
 things are suggested for their good. 
 
 What with the sympathetic remedy and the spirit 
 
 [65]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 of mustard-seed, it was now nearly three in the morn- 
 ing, and we went to bed. 
 
 I cannot say I had a pleasant night, for Carl 
 scarcely slept at all, and kept turning over and over 
 in his bed. The next morning he certainly looked 
 as if he might have done better. 
 
 Towards eight o'clock he fell asleep, and I began 
 to hope that all would soon be well. At ten the 
 Police-lieutenant's wife came in with her congratu- 
 lations for our wedding-day, which she regretted 
 came rather late. She was sincerely grieved about' 
 my husband, and said there was nothing better for 
 toothache than genuine Chinese essence of poho. 
 Our servant was sent out at once to fetch some. Carl 
 had woke up meanwhile and was suffering dread- 
 fully again. I showed him the essence we had pro- 
 cured, but he refused to try it. 
 
 "Carl," I said, "it would be most rude to the 
 Police-lieutenant's wife if you were not to give the 
 expensive stuff a trial." However, he would not 
 listen to anything, and was very much out of temper. 
 When I reminded him that the Chinese had proved 
 themselves wiser than we were in many things, he 
 at last agreed to try it, and I pushed a bit of wad- 
 ding well saturated with the poho into his tooth. 
 
 It made him spit dreadfully, but the pain van- 
 ished. His eyes were full of tears from the strength 
 of the essence, but he smiled as well as he could with 
 [66]
 
 TOOTHACHE 
 
 his swollen cheek. Poor Carl ! How grateful I felt 
 to the Police-lieutenant's wife no one can imagine. 
 I and the girls accompanied her downstairs, and she 
 herself was pleased that her advice had proved so 
 successful. When I returned upstairs I heard poor 
 Carl moaning again the toothache had returned 
 with redoubled violence. 
 
 It is a good thing to have quick-witted children. 
 It now occurred to Betti that Herr Krause had 
 homoeopathic medicines, and often cured complaints 
 in no time, so away she ran to ask him to look in. 
 
 Herr Krause is a teacher, and one can always rely 
 upon such persons, for they really know everything, 
 and lay the foundation for everything; in fact, it 
 is said it was they who won in the late war, although, 
 of course, there never would have been a war but for 
 them. Moreover, Herr Krause is specially well up 
 in scientific matters, and has absolutely no faith 
 whatever in medical men. And, as I said before, I 
 myself prefer home remedies. 
 
 Herr Krause lost no time in appearing with his 
 medicine-case and his book, for was this not a case of 
 succouring a suffering fellow-creature, and an act of 
 pure humanity*? Carl was sitting on the sofa with 
 his swollen cheek and was very irritable, yet, as he 
 could only see with one eye, the other being pretty 
 well swollen up, he looked as if he had a continual 
 smirk on his face. 
 
 [67]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 "Well, dear Buchholz," exclaimed Heir Krause, 
 "still in good humour, in spite of your troubles, I am 
 glad to see." 
 
 "I'm not a bit in good humour," replied Carl 
 snappishly. "If you want to do me a favour send 
 for a doctor." 
 
 "A doctor?" said Herr Krause, with a derisive 
 smile. "There's is no occasion here for a doctor, I 
 hope. Doctors do not by any means understand the 
 secrets of nature. The main point in medicine is to 
 <cure diseases, and that cannot be learned by killing 
 cats and dissecting dogs. Then think of the stuffs 
 they make people swallow poisons and purgatives 
 that bring on life-long ailments. Homoeopathy, on 
 the other hand, destroys diseases in a natural way." 
 
 "I suppose with bits of wood and spirit of mustard- 
 seed," said Carl in a provoking tone. 
 
 Herr Krause only smiled, and, by way of ex- 
 plaining his method, added: "The homoeopathic 
 principle is to cure by means of the spirit of medi- 
 cine. Take, for instance, a bottleful of water as 
 large as the moon, add to this one drop of medicine 
 well shaken up with it. You will then have a homoe- 
 opathic remedy." 
 
 "Goodness!" I could not help exclaiming, "but 
 who can shake the moon*?" 
 
 "I am speaking figuratively, dear Frau Buchholz," 
 replied Herr Krause. "Now let us first of all test 
 68]
 
 TOOTHACHE 
 
 your husband's symptoms so as to find the right 
 medicine. Do you feel a burrowing pain in your 
 tooth, Buchholz?" 
 
 "Not since that woman Grunert left," replied 
 Carl. 
 
 "Ah! no burrowing pain, therefore. Does the 
 pain move from left to right or from right to left?" 
 
 "It sticks where it is." 
 
 "Aha! then pulsatilla is the medicine! The 
 swollen cheek indicates a chill. We shall therefore 
 use aconite and pulsatilla alternately." 
 
 "I beg your pardon, Krause, but the swollen cheek 
 is the result of the spirit of mustard-seed." 
 
 "Then we must first use camphor so as to drive 
 the mustard poison from the system," replied Herr 
 Krause. 
 
 With this he opened his medicine case and laid 
 three small white globules on my husband's tongue 
 and stirred other globules in a little water, saying 
 that Carl was to sip a little of the water every hour. 
 He further explained that the pain would at first 
 become more violent it being natural to get worse 
 first, as the spirit of the medicine was warring 
 against the spirit of the disease but that the trou- 
 ble would be relieved as if by magic shortly after- 
 wards. He, moreover, forbade tobacco, tea, coffee, 
 acids, spices, and especially camomile tea, which, he 
 declared, brought on years of ill-health. He then 
 
 [69]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 left. My husband took the medicines exactly as 
 prescribed, but the toothache got worse and worse. 
 "Thank God," I exclaimed, "the two spirits are 
 fighting it out well; he will soon be better now!" 
 Carl groaned so that I was truly grieved for him. 
 He walked up and down the room, then sat down, 
 and then again lay down on the sofa, burrowing 
 his head right into the corner. 
 
 "I cannot stand it any longer !" he cried at last. 
 
 "Do keep quiet, Carl dearest. Did you not hear 
 Krause say that the pain must get worse before it 
 gets better"? Take another sip of this, and let your 
 teeth fight it out well." 
 
 We waited hour after hour, but the pain did not 
 give way. Carl wanted to smoke, but that had been 
 strictly forbidden. At dinner we had his favourite 
 dish stewed meat with vinegar sauce. This too he 
 dared not touch. He became furious when he found 
 that he had to be content with bread-and-milk. 
 
 Emmi suggested that Herr Krause might have 
 driven out the spirit of mustard-seed, but that per- 
 haps the poho essence was still at work. So she 
 hurried off to ask him. She was away a considerable 
 time, and when she returned said, that Herr Krause 
 had looked up in his medical book but could not find 
 any antidote for poho, and also said that this poison 
 might neutralise the effect of his medicines. In that 
 case homoeopathy was simply powerless. 
 
 [70]
 
 TOOTHACHE 
 
 Carl's stock of patience was clearly coming to an 
 end. He called Emmi a silly hen, and me a stupid 
 goose. It was just as if he were out of his mind, 
 and he stalked up and down the room like a tiger 
 in its cage. I burst into tears, and Emmi cried too. 
 "Carl," I exclaimed, "how unkind you are to us, 
 how cruel you are, when we are doing everything 
 we possibly can to mitigate your sufferings. You 
 are an unnatural father to act like this towards us 
 helpless creatures! Carl, Carl, you are behaving 
 wickedly both to me and to your child also." 
 
 He made no answer, and when I looked up from 
 my pocket-handkerchief, my eyes filled with tears, 
 there I saw Carl standing on his head on the sofa 
 with pain. This was horrible in the extreme ! For 
 surely there could be nothing more dreadful than 
 to see the father of one's children, a vestryman and 
 guardian, standing on his head with his heels high 
 up above the back of the sofa? I gave a loud 
 scream in my dismay and distress. 
 
 At that moment Fritz came in. "What sort of 
 comedy is this*?" he called out, laughing, when this 
 picture of domestic despair met his eyes. It was with 
 some difficulty that he was made to understand what 
 had happened, for while our voices were choked with 
 sobs, and Carl kept on making inarticulate noises, 
 Fritz was nearly in a fit with laughter. 
 
 [71]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 "Carl, old fellow, what have they been doing to 
 you?" he said, at last. 
 
 "Dosing me with home remedies." 
 
 "Couldn't you have sent for Dr. Wrenzchen, 
 Wilhelmine ?" said Fritz to me. 
 
 "Who thinks of sending for a doctor the moment 
 things go wrong?" said I. "What are home reme- 
 dies for, I should like to know?" 
 
 "To plague your husband with," was his reply. 
 
 Fritz then began to scold Carl for having allowed 
 himself to be dosed with old wife's messes (I do 
 believe that was the vulgar expression he used), and 
 then told him to get on his coat and to come to a 
 dentist with him. This, he said, would be better 
 than sending for Dr. Wrenzchen, whose business was 
 more for internal than for external troubles. 
 
 This proposal is not what I should have liked best, 
 for if Dr. Wrenzchen had been called in, he might 
 have had a chat with Betti; but we women have 
 always to give in to rude force. 
 
 Fritz drove off with Carl, and in an hour's time 
 they returned. Carl was rid of his tooth and of the 
 pain, and like a new-born creature; but the begin- 
 ning of this new year of our marriage was not as 
 pleasant as had always been the case before. Carl 
 had been too hard upon me, and that I could not 
 forgive at a moment's notice. Had we not all meant 
 to do our best for him 1 ? 
 
 [72]
 
 CHAPTER IV 
 
 A NEW YEAR'S EVE PARTY IN THE LANDSBERGER- 
 . STRASSE, AND A (TEMPORARY) RECONCILIATION 
 
 WE have generally spent New Year's Eve turn 
 about at each other's houses first at the 
 Krauses', then at the Bergfeldts', and then at our 
 house. Last year we met at our house, so now it's 
 the Krauses' turn again. I wonder how it will be 
 next year when the Bergfeldts have to invite us! 
 
 Frau Bergf eldt had offended me mortally ; I can't 
 say how mortified I had been. Had she been lying 
 at her last gasp asking me for a drop of water, I 
 could have given her oil of vitriol instead. But no 
 these feelings came over me only at the first mo- 
 ment of my rage, and were probably the cause of my 
 having that bilious-fever. I have got the better of 
 them now, however, and no longer feel as bitter as I 
 did, and am just a little ashamed that such thoughts 
 could ever have arisen in my breast. But still I do 
 not by any means wish to say that Frau Bergfeldt 
 
 [73]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 wasn't to blame. Quite the reverse, for it was she 
 who began it. 
 
 Well, and so it is the Krauses' turn! Herr 
 Krause came in himself to invite us, and Carl ac- 
 cepted the invitation without further ado. "Carl," 
 I exclaimed a little sharply, "have you inquired 
 whether the Bergfeldts are to be there or not*?" He 
 answered curtly : "Of course they will be there ; we 
 always meet on New Year's Eve, and it will be the 
 same this year, I suppose." He made this remark 
 in a more determined tone of voice than I had heard 
 him speak for long. While he was speaking I fixed 
 him with my eye, and although he knew quite well 
 what my look meant he paid no heed to it whatever. 
 
 "Indeed!" I exclaimed, without adding another 
 syllable; but there was something in that "indeed" 
 of mine which so dismayed Carl that it was easy to 
 see he felt dry in the mouth from fear. 
 
 "Dear Frau Buchholz," put in Herr Krause 
 gently, "is it so very impossible then for you to be 
 forgiving*? Out in the big world there are disputes 
 enough, and hate and dissensions crop up on all sides. 
 Are these evil spirits to be allowed to spoil our fam- 
 ily life, to tear asunder old bonds of friendship and 
 to destroy the few joys that spring up from social in- 
 tercourse?" I battled a little with myself and then 
 said: "With evil spirits I will have nothing what- 
 ever to do and as to being unsociable, no one shall 
 
 [74]
 
 A NEW YEAR S EVE PARTY 
 
 ever say that of me. Herr Krause, you have spoken 
 beautifully, and it would be wrong of me if I didn't 
 give way. But that Frau Bergfeldt must let me 
 have the first word, remember. I bargain for that, 
 or else things remain as they are." 
 
 Herr Krause said he would answer for Frau Berg- 
 feldt doing as I wished, and so I promised to be one 
 of the party. 
 
 Scarcely had Herr Krause left when I said to 
 Carl: "He is certainly right; it is better to live in 
 peace than at strife. What's the use of perpetual 
 sulking*? Our children's Christmas frocks will have 
 to be got ready, however, and I shall wear the new 
 locket with the large diamonds that you gave me. 
 The Bergfeldts will have nothing to come up to 
 that." 
 
 When the evening came, I said to my husband: 
 "Do not let us be the first to arrive ; it looks ill-bred 
 to be very punctual." "As you like, Wilhelmine. 
 But remember we are not going to a formal party, 
 we shall only be among friends." However, I in- 
 sisted upon what I had said, and so we waited till the 
 boy Krause came in and told us that everyone had 
 come, and that the whipped cream was getting thin, 
 and that his mother could not keep it any longer. 
 So off we went. When we got there I let my hus- 
 band lead the way ; I followed in my light grey silk, 
 a little cut out at the throat, and with my locket on; 
 
 [75]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 by my side were the girls, looking very well in their 
 Christmas dresses. 
 
 Everyone in the room rose to bid us welcome. 
 The Krauses were very hearty, so also was Herr 
 Bergfeldt, but that wife of his made me a bow as 
 cold and stiff as if it had lain in ice for a week. It 
 absolutely took away my breath when Frau Krause 
 asked me to take a seat on the sofa beside Frau Berg- 
 feldt. It was a terrible moment for the party, and 
 all noticed it, yet no one said a word. All at once 
 Fritz broke the awful silence by singing out : "Wait 
 till the clouds roll by !" This made everybody laugh, 
 while I and Frau Bergfeldt on the sofa, side by side, 
 coloured up to our eyebrows. The moment had 
 now come to show which of us two was the better 
 bred, and so I at once exclaimed: "Well, let the 
 clouds roll by;" whereupon Frau Bergfeldt added, 
 "Yes, certainly, let them; there's but one New 
 Year's Eve in the year!" Everyone agreed to this, 
 tea was brought in, and after tea preserved cherries 
 with whipped cream for the ladies, and beer for the 
 gentlemen. And before I knew where I was I found 
 myself chatting away with Frau Bergfeldt in our 
 old pleasant way. The young people set about play- 
 ing "hunt the thimble," and Uncle Fritz took part 
 in it, keeping the whole party merry with laughter, 
 while we elderly folks talked about this and that till 
 supper was ready. Frau Bergfeldt had told me that 
 
 [76]
 
 A NEW YEAR S EVE PARTY 
 
 young Weigelt was doing well, and would probably 
 have passed his examinations by next year, and that 
 then he and Augusta would be married; she also 
 made me promise that I would come to the wedding. 
 It was just the old days over again. I suspect Herr 
 Krause had had a talk with her. This made it clear 
 to me how much good a sensible man can do, if he 
 but uses his opportunity properly. In fact, I could 
 not help wishing that my Carl were a little more 
 like Herr Krause in this, much as I am satisfied with 
 him in every other way. 
 
 At supper too it was extremely pleasant. We 
 were a little closely packed, it is true, but still there 
 was room enough. First we had the regular New 
 Year's soup (Mahnpielen), then stewed carp with 
 horse-radish, roast meat with preserved fruit, and 
 ice to finish up. In the centre of the table stood the 
 punch-bowl. Herr Krause and Uncle Fritz filled 
 our glasses from it, and when the bowl was emptied 
 Frau Krause fetched a new supply in a large jug and 
 refilled the bowl. The merriment went on increas- 
 ing. Between the courses we sang songs, which Fritz 
 accompanied on the piano. Before the fish we sang 
 Wohlauf nock getrunken den funkelnden Wein^ and 
 before the roast Wir gehen nacTi Lindenau, to which 
 Fritz made up a lot of new verses, singing them as 
 solos, we others joining in as the chorus. How we 
 did laugh, to be sure! In one verse Fritz made a 
 
 :[77]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 hit at me and my writing by singing something about 
 my liking my letters to be read everywhere, "even in 
 Lindenau." What a merry fellow he is ! Even lit- 
 tle Krause joined in the songs, and all the evening 
 kept on humming "We're off to Lindenau." 
 
 When we had the ice intus, as young Weigelt is 
 fond of putting it, Herr Krause rose, looked at his 
 watch and knocked his glass to make way for his 
 speech. In a moment there was a perfect and even 
 a solemn silence; the boy Krause too dropped his 
 singing after having got a gentle slap from his 
 father; and truly Herr Krause's speech was most af- 
 fecting. . . . Just as Herr Krause ended we heard 
 twelve o'clock striking dolefully in the next room, 
 and we drank healths all round by knocking our re- 
 filled glasses one against the other. Young Krause 
 however called out: "It struck thirteen; I counted 
 it !" and this was, in fact, quite true. Uncle Fritz, 
 who had struck the hour in the next room with the 
 tongs, had given thirteen raps by way of a joke. We 
 laughed, of course, but did not let this disturb our 
 merriment, although, as everyone knows, thirteen is 
 not a very comfortable number. 
 
 Uncle Fritz has, in fact, a good deal of the free- 
 thinker about him. 
 
 We remained till about two in the morning, and 
 broke up, feeling that, we had spent a very merry and 
 
 [78]
 
 A NEW YEAR S EVE PARTY 
 
 pleasant evening. Frau Bergfeldt invited us to their 
 house for her birthday festival, which is in a day or 
 two, and I have accepted. Thus, it may be said, 
 the hatchet lies buried betwixt us. 
 
 [79]
 
 CHAPTER V 
 
 A [MAGNETIC PARTY WHICH LEADS TO A DRAMATIC 
 SITUATION AND A ^MOTHER'S TEARS 
 
 Another party was quickly arranged* At that time 
 Berlin was greatly excited by human magnetism, or 
 hypnotic suggestion, and the Buchholzes, Bergfeldts, 
 Krauses, and Uncle fritz all met to subject the new 
 marvel to the test. But first I should say that Frau 
 Buchholz had been put into excellent spirits by the 
 prospect of a legacy from her aunt at Butzow, who 
 had just died, and she was already beginning to 
 revise her list of friends in consequence* 
 
 I TOLD the children that we were going to have a 
 magnetic tea-party the next day. Emmi seemed 
 delighted, but Betti became deathly pale and cried: 
 "Oh, Mamma, please do not, we shall all be made 
 wretchedly unhappy." "Betti!" I exclaimed in 
 surprise. "Mamma, believe what I say." "But 
 child, whatever is the matter with you? You have 
 
 [80]
 
 THE MAGNETIC PARTY 
 
 lately, I know, not been looking as well as you did. 
 You hardly ever speak, never laugh, and are always 
 playing doleful tunes on the piano. I noticed too 
 the other day that, when we had your favourite dish 
 mashed potatoes with sausages you had only one 
 helping. What does all this mean, Betti?" "I had 
 headache," was her answer. "That comes from too 
 much studying," said I, "have you still essays to 
 write for school?" "Yes.": "And what was your 
 last subject?" "We had to consider whether Rich- 
 ard III. would have been a good man had he had 
 different parents." "I shall speak to your father 
 and see whether these lessons of yours at the Insti- 
 tution for the Higher Education of Girls had not 
 better be dropped. This afternoon, at all events, 
 we shall have to set about making pastry for to-mor- 
 row, and shall have to make more than usual, for 
 there is scarcely ever enough when the Bergf eldts are 
 of the party." "Oh, Mamma, I thought you and 
 Frau Bergfeldt had made up your quarrel." "Well, 
 yes, we did; but nevertheless I am not fond of the 
 family. And as we shall be coming into the property 
 of my aunt in Biitzow, there will be a greater dif- 
 ference between us and the Bergfeldts than ever 
 there was. They must have to pinch fearfully to 
 make both ends meet." 
 
 My girls helped me in the kitchen. Betti, how- 
 ever, again complained of headache, so I thought it 
 
 [81]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 wisest to pack them both off for a walk, as the fresh 
 air might do Betti's head good. I meant it all for 
 the best, yet, as it turned out afterwards, I did very 
 wrong to let Betti out of my sight that day. 
 
 Next evening the Krauses and Bergfeldts came in 
 as arranged. There were no less than five of the 
 Bergfeldts he, she, Augusta and her young man, 
 and Emil the son. However, I was prepared with 
 the necessary amount of cakes. "Where is Betti *?" 
 said I to Emmi, noticing that my eldest girl was not 
 there. "She won't come in," answered Emmi. 
 "Let me have a talk with her," said Uncle Fritz, 
 "I fancy she's afraid of the magnetism." After a 
 time Betti did appear, but, oh my stars ! what a sight 
 the child looked! Her eyes were red with crying, 
 her cheeks without a vestige of colour, and she 
 quaked so, any one might have noticed it. To-mor- 
 row, thought I, Doctor Wrenzchen must be sent for; 
 there is something more than merely external the 
 matter with her she must be ill. Betti came for- 
 ward and saluted our visitors, first the Krauses, of 
 course, as people of more importance than the Berg- 
 feldts; then she went up to Frau Bergfeldt, however, 
 threw her arms round her and gave her a kiss. This 
 struck me as a little peculiar, I must confess, and 
 Fritz put on a most amused expression when he saw 
 my amazement at this piece of familiarity. How- 
 ever, tea was then served, Betti, Emmi and Augusta 
 
 [82]
 
 THE MAGNETIC PARTY 
 
 handing round the things. The one took the tea, 
 the other the cream and sugar, and the third the 
 cakes which every one said were excellent. The 
 truth is, however, that the cakes were not quite what 
 they might have been, for when making them my 
 attention had to be divided between Betti and the 
 paste-bowl; still the cakes were well enough fla- 
 voured. 
 
 The gentlemen then began a very learned con- 
 versation about human magnetism. Fritz declared 
 himself a believer in it; Herr Krause was not alto- 
 gether sure ; Herr Bergf eldt was quite opposed to the 
 idea; and my Carl said nothing, but drank his beer. 
 Fritz related that when the Breslau professors came 
 to Berlin, they brought matters so far at the Charite, 
 that by merely laying their hands on a cabman they 
 had made him recite the opening lines of Homer in 
 Greek. This made Herr Krause declare that, as a 
 teacher, he must be allowed to express his doubt 
 about the truth of such a story. Fritz, however, 
 fetched a volume where this statement had been re- 
 corded by the professors. These records spoke of 
 wonderful things, such as, for instance, that by 
 means of hypnotism a person could be made to do 
 anything the magnetiser wished made to believe 
 that he was riding a horse while on a chair, to swal- 
 low string and to fancy it lampreys, to drink bitters 
 and to imagine it champagne. "Nay, but I hope he
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 enjoyed it too!" exclaimed Frau Bergfeldt. Herr 
 Krause maintained that he could not believe this 
 to be true till he had seen something of the kind with 
 his own eyes. I, thereupon, threw in the story about 
 my aunt in Biitzow, and took the opportunity of 
 letting the Bergfeldts know that we had come into 
 a good bit of money. Fritz began, however, to dis- 
 pute the subject with Herr Bergfeldt, and proposed 
 to make some experiments to convince those who had 
 doubts. 
 
 We were all very excited as to what would hap- 
 pen. Fritz then asked Augusta to go out of the 
 room, and when she had gone, he asked us what we 
 would like her to do. We were all willing that she 
 should open the photograph album and point her 
 finger at my husband's portrait. Uncle Fritz then 
 called her in, blindfolded her, and stood behind her, 
 placing his hands upon her shoulders. Augusta 
 stood for a little perfectly still, then all of a sudden 
 she walked to the table, took up the album, turned 
 over the pages, and then pointed to a photograph. 
 The one she pointed to was not exactly Carl's like- 
 ness, but that of his friend Ringelmeier, who was 
 now dead. Nevertheless, what she had done was 
 most surprising, especially as Frau Bergfeldt as- 
 sured us that one day lately Augusta had managed 
 to find the very photograph that had been fixed 
 upon. Herr Krause still declared that he could see 
 
 [84]
 
 THE MAGNETIC PARTY 
 
 nothing supernatural in the experiment, whereupon 
 Augusta said that she was not in the proper mood 
 this evening, but that Betti made a splendid medium. 
 "Our Betti?" I exclaimed in dismay. "The chil- 
 dren have been amusing themselves pretty often 
 lately with human magnetism," put in Frau Berg- 
 feldt. "I've been told nothing about it then," was 
 my reply. "You've got to be told a good many 
 things yet, Wilhelmine," was Fritz's remark. He 
 then turned to Betti, saying: "Are you ready to 
 begin?" Betti did not answer, but sat looking like 
 a ghost. "Come, Betti, pick up your courage; it's 
 got to be done, you know." Betti rose and went out 
 of the room, looking just as if she were walking in 
 her sleep. Augusta followed her. "Now, Wilhel- 
 mine," said Fritz, "you fix upon something for her 
 to do." "I can't think of anything just at this min- 
 ute," said I. "Well, then, shall she embrace and 
 kiss the person dearest to her on earth?" asked Fritz. 
 My answer was: "Do as you like; I don't mind 
 having an embrace from her." Betti came in and 
 was blindfolded. For some time she seemed to hesi- 
 tate about what she had to do, but then came for- 
 ward, and I had already opened my arms to receive 
 her, when she turned aside, went straight up to Emil 
 Bergfeldt, who looked down at her with emotion, 
 and sank into his arms, and he quickly unbound her 
 eyes and kissed her. "This is going beyond a joke !" 
 
 [85]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 I cried, and rose up. "Carl, do you stand there 
 quietly and allow such things to go on?"- "Come, 
 Wilhelmine," said Fritz, "do not get angry; these 
 two have long since made up their minds. They are 
 in love with each other, and there's an end of it." 
 "I beg leave to differ from you, Fritz. I've a 
 word to say surely on such a subject! And you, 
 Carl, do you say nothing to all this?" "I have 
 given my consent," he replied quietly. "And I say 
 it's impossible, now that we have come into that 
 money." "And I say just because of that," replied 
 Carl, "haven't you noticed how our child has been 
 suffering latterly, and that she has been fading away 
 like a shadow?" "I certainly have noticed it," said 
 I. "Well, then, I've got to tell you that it all 
 comes from her struggle between duty and love, it's 
 this that made her miserable. Betti hadn't the cour- 
 age to tell you that she was in love with Emil Berg- 
 feldt." "Did she tell you, then?" "No, she 
 didn't," put in Fritz, "but I saw what was going 
 on, and begged Carl to leave me to tell you in my 
 own way. As you see, I have now done so on the 
 magnetic principle." "And allow me to tell you 
 that I have other prospects in view for my daugh- 
 ters; they may get quite into the upper circles now." 
 "And perhaps be made miserable," added Carl 
 bitterly. "When we were young, did we ever think 
 about rank and position? Would you have refused 
 [861
 
 THE MAGNETIC PARTY 
 
 me had some man of title come to take you from 
 me*?" While he was speaking my thoughts flew 
 back to that blessed time when I could not possibly 
 have done otherwise than love him him, who had 
 become more than all the world to me. And here I 
 was, fancying that my girls were children still, never 
 thinking it possible that they too would one day wish 
 to choose for themselves as their hearts prompted 
 them, and never thinking that the time had actually 
 come. "Betti!" I cried; and she came to me, threw 
 her arms round me, and sobbed as if her heart would 
 break. "Oh, Betti, you had no trust in me, no trust 
 in your mother!" "Mamma," she sobbed, "I did 
 not want to grieve you. I knew you would not con- 
 sent to my loving Emil . . . and so I could not tell 
 you that I loved him." . . . 
 
 I had now recovered my calmness of mind, and 
 led Betti away to her room, where I told her that 
 I did not mean to give my consent forthwith, or to 
 be intimidated by Uncle Fritz's way of acting. 
 
 On returning to the sitting-room, I told our guests 
 that what had taken place was a mere piece of non- 
 sense of Fritz's, who had only wanted to induce us 
 to believe in human magnetism, and, therefore, that 
 there could be no question about any serious engage- 
 ment between my Betti and Emil Bergfeldt. Carl 
 seemed very much annoyed at my remarks, and Frau 
 Bergfeldt said: "Dear Frau Buchholz, the young 
 
 [87]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 people need be in no hurry. There's time enough 
 yet for Emil." "Plenty," said I dryly. "If only 
 you did not bubble up so, we might long since have 
 talked the matter over," muttered that Frau Berg- 
 feldt. "So you were in the plot too!" said I. "We 
 met yesterday afternoon to discuss with Herr Fritz 
 what was to be done, and he maintained we should 
 never get your consent in any straightforward man- 
 ner. I am myself more for letting things take their 
 natural course." I felt petrified. To think of my 
 baking those cakes yesterday for that brood of vi- 
 pers, and Betti with them conspiring against her 
 own mother! Every one knew about it except my- 
 self. The very thought of it made me laugh a hor- 
 rid laugh. "There now," said Frau Bergfeldt, 
 "she's going to have a fit, and we shall have to hold 
 her thumbs." "No," I exclaimed, "you'll do noth- 
 ing of the kind ! And I should like to see any one 
 of you force me to give in. Nothing whatever shall 
 come of your plottings, not though Herr Emil were 
 to open one of his arteries before my very eyes." 
 "Wilhelmine, you don't know what you're saying," 
 cried Carl. "I'm as quiet as ever I was but shall 
 not allow myself to be made a fool of." 
 
 When they had all gone I had a regular cry, and 
 
 then went to Betti. She was in bed and looked up 
 
 at me so sadly when I sat down beside her, that I felt 
 
 sick at heart. "Forgive me, Mamma, I ought to 
 
 [88]
 
 THE MAGNETIC PARTY 
 
 have told you and only you," she said entreatingly. 
 I was about to answer: "You are still a child, 
 Betti," but was she still a child? Her lovely thick 
 hair was loosened and fell round about her, and 
 her face showed an expression of seriousness un- 
 known to children. She now seemed to me a soft, 
 budding blossom; I had not noticed it before. 
 "Betti, and do you really love him?" I asked. 
 "Yes," she whispered. "Do you love him more 
 than you do me?" She was silent and then I knew 
 I had lost my child, and that her whole being now 
 belonged to another. Ah, how unspeakably painful 
 it is to discover that! 
 
 I bent down over her bed and embraced her 
 warmly and lovingly, and said: "You shall be 
 happy, my child, as happy as I once was. I did 
 fancy that you might have become the wife of a 
 man in some good position; but have I not been 
 happy enough in our simple home? No, darling, I 
 have no wish to see you a loveless wife amidst fine 
 carved furniture, nor that winter should be lurking 
 behind silken curtains during your summer-time, or 
 that aversion to your enforced husband should be 
 your constant attendant. You see, I love you after 
 all, better than you think." She cuddled up to me 
 and was my child again, and smiled at me and said : 
 "I love you both, Mamma, you and him, and you 
 will love him too as much as you love me, 
 
 [89]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 won't you*?" Could I do otherwise than say yes*? 
 
 I called to Emmi to bring in a few slices of the 
 roast meat, for why should it be spoiled? "We 
 will celebrate the betrothal by a slice of venison." 
 "Where is the betrothal?" asked Emmi. "Go you 
 to bed, Emmi, you know nothing about such things 
 yet." 
 
 And so I remained and watched by Betti. 
 
 [90]
 
 CHAPTER VI 
 
 A WHIT-MONDAY PICNIC AND A GRIEVOUS DISCOVERY 
 REGARDING EMIL BERGFELDT 
 
 THERE are people who think it a pleasure to 
 make up a party for an excursion into the 
 country; but that is a downright mistake. 
 
 On Whit-Monday we have generally gone out to 
 the Zoological Gardens or had a drive to Treptow 
 where, except for the crowds of people and the dust, 
 it is very pleasant; but this year we settled to spend 
 the day differently, for Betti's engagement to young 
 Bergfeldt had drawn our families closer together, so 
 we could not, of course, leave them out of the ques- 
 tion. I would never have tolerated Betti's going 
 with the Bergfeldts, and naturally they wanted Emil 
 to spend the day with them. Uncle Fritz therefore 
 proposed that we should all join in hiring a wag- 
 gonette, and drive out into the country. He further 
 said that there would be room enough for the 
 Krauses to go too, which would make it a cheaper 
 
 [91]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 affair all round. Fritz, moreover, described every- 
 thing in such glowing colours how green the coun- 
 try would be looking, how delicious the bread from 
 the farm would taste by the brookside, and how de- 
 lightful the drive itself in the waggonette would be 
 that I agreed to the plan at once. There was 
 plenty to discuss beforehand, especially about the 
 provisions, for otherwise people are so apt to take 
 the same things, and it would probably have ended 
 in nothing but plain sausages and hard-boiled eggs. 
 I for one should be sorry to have no more than that 
 on the Monday of Whitsuntide. 
 
 By eight in the morning we had all taken our seats 
 in the waggonette the Bergfeldts, with Augusta's 
 young man Weigelt, the Krauses, and their boy Ed- 
 ward in white trousers, blue velvet jacket and a new 
 straw hat. Emil Bergfeldt had come over to us 
 early in the morning and had brought Betti a bunch 
 of elder flowers. When we were taking our seats 
 Emil had contrived to get a place beside Betti. How- 
 ever, I planted myself in between them, as I consid- 
 ered it more suitable that they should be apart. I 
 am not one for love-making in public. Carl sat be- 
 side Herr Krause, and Uncle Fritz took his seat in 
 front, on the box beside the driver. 
 
 When we started Fritz took out his latch-key and 
 whistled away on it as if he had been a steam-en- 
 gine, and away we rolled through the Prenzlau Gate- 
 
 [921
 
 A PICNIC 
 
 way, along the Prenzlau Chaussee, for our destina- 
 tion was the Liepnitz Lake. 
 
 The weather was beautiful, although a little cool. 
 When we passed the first windmill Uncle Fritz un- 
 corked his flask and said that we must have a mouth- 
 ful all round, as it was the regular custom. We 
 were not so very warm, so we did take a drop or two 
 of cognac and became very merry. Herr Krause 
 asked whether it was the custom to drink at every 
 mill, whereupon Fritz declared that it was an old 
 custom to drink to every mill. Herr Krause sug- 
 gested that this custom probably was of Wendish 
 origin, and very likely dated from the hoary days of 
 heathenism. This led to a very learned talk about 
 lake-dwellings and Tacitus, subjects about which 
 Herr Krause knew a great deal; but the conversa- 
 tion again turned upon municipal government, where 
 my Carl, of course, felt himself perfectly at home. 
 Uncle Fritz meanwhile conversed with the coach- 
 man, and every now and then handed his flask to 
 us in the waggonette. I must confess there were 
 
 *JO 
 
 mills in plenty along the road, and what I specially 
 disliked was that the boy Krause was for ever call- 
 ing out : "There's another mill !" so that none could 
 be passed unnoticed. I warned Carl, but he only, 
 laughed at me and said : "Whit-Monday comes but 
 once a year, Wilhelmine." 
 
 At half-past eight the horses were made to go at a 
 
 [93]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 walking pace, and the baskets were brought out for 
 breakfast. The ladies handed the buttered bread 
 to the gentlemen, and Uncle Fritz came forward 
 with an extra treat for us all by producing all sorts 
 of tins that he had purchased at the Exhibition 
 delicious Norwegian herrings, anchovies, salted cod- 
 tongues, rolled pickled herrings, and even caviare 
 something of everything; and we did thoroughly en- 
 joy the dainties. What I objected to, however, was 
 that the boy Krause got these salted fish to eat; if 
 he didn't get everything he wanted he immediately 
 began to whimper, and his mother then gave in to 
 him. One piece of pickled herring, however, which 
 he bit at greedily, so burnt his mouth owing to the 
 cayenne pepper, that he began to cry, and this made 
 me speak out. "I wouldn't let that boy have all 
 these things, Frau Krause; children are always best 
 kept to bread-and-milk." But she answered that her 
 Edward was now big enough to eat anything, that 
 he could drink beer like any grown-up person, and 
 that it agreed with him admirably. Hereupon I re- 
 marked that I had read that to give children beer 
 had a bad effect upon their intellects, and that brew- 
 ers' children were always the most backward at 
 school. Frau Krause asked her husband if he, as a 
 teacher, had ever noticed such a thing, and his an- 
 swer was, that I had probably confounded the state- 
 ment, and that scrofula was no doubt meant; for 
 
 [94]
 
 A PICNIC 
 
 it had been statistically proved that this disease 
 proceeded from the excessive brandy-drinking in par- 
 ents. Herr Bergfeldt agreed with him in this, and 
 said to his wife: "You must remember, Kathinka, 
 that girl Rieka from Werder, who was a servant in 
 our house and who went wrong with that drunken 
 
 carpenter, and afterwards " But I interrupted 
 
 him there by asking him whether he didn't think the 
 scenery very beautiful? "Yes," said he, "but it is 
 perfectly true about scrofula." My answer was that 
 that kind of dialogue wasn't to my taste. 
 
 Herr Bergfeldt, however, would not give way, we 
 had passed too many mills for that. Just then the 
 boy Krause began to whimper again and to complain 
 of thirst. Water could not be got on the high road, 
 and milk the senseless mother had not brought with 
 her, so there was nothing to be done but to open a 
 bottle of red wine, and that merely to stop the boy's 
 squalling. He eagerly drank a whole wine-glass 
 full. "I only hope it may do him good !" said I. 
 "He can run it off afterwards on the heath," re- 
 plied Frau Krause. "Emmi and I will play at 
 horses," said the boy saucily. Emmi said nothing, 
 but made rather a contemptuous face at the sugges- 
 tion. Betti was rather silent and did not look extra 
 happy, because she was not sitting next to Emil. 
 Augusta Bergfeldt and young Weigelt had hold of 
 each other's hands, and stared out into vacancy, 
 
 [95]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 looking for all the world like a couple of wax fig- 
 ures; it was only occasionally that they glanced at 
 each other in a sheepish kind of way ; the mere look- 
 ing at them made me feel quite uncomfortable. En- 
 gaged couples are, in fact, worse than no company, 
 except to themselves. 
 
 I thanked Heaven in my heart, therefore, when 
 we at last reached the splendid forest and caught 
 sight of the lake, which looked as green as if it had 
 been newly varnished for Whitsuntide. We halted 
 at the forester's house, where the beeches stand high- 
 est and their tops meet, forming a kind of cupola 
 like that at the new Anhalt railway station, only, 
 of course, there the dome is made of panes of glass, 
 and here of the delicate green leaves of May. And 
 then the ozone here is of the best quality. 
 
 Uncle Fritz and Carl went to the forester's wife 
 to order the mid-morning meal and to discuss what 
 was wanted for dinner. Frau Krause discovered a 
 well, and gave Edward a drink; the boy, according 
 to my calculation, must have swallowed nearly a 
 quart of water, but I didn't say anything; when 
 mothers are so unreasonable, words are as good as 
 thrown away. I wish now, however, that I had 
 spoken. 
 
 The mid-morning meal was deliciously rustic and 
 excellent. Wine we had brought with us, that is to 
 say, Chateau Larose, twelve and a half groschen the 
 
 [96]
 
 A PICNIC 
 
 bottle, with gilt tops. Uncle Fritz did certainly 
 turn up his nose a little at it, but then he is pretty 
 well spoilt; we others enjoyed it, particularly as the 
 wine merchant had told us he lost about sixpence on 
 each bottle, and let us have it at the price out of 
 pure friendship. 
 
 We then went for a walk into the woods. Uncle 
 Fritz cut little Krause a stick off a tree, and he ran 
 away riding about upon it, as Emmi was not dis- 
 posed to be his horse. In fact, poor Emmi was 
 somewhat low-spirited. Her sister and friend paid 
 no heed to her; they, of course, had neither eyes nor 
 ears for any one but their lovers, and so Emmi had 
 no one to go about with except us elderly ladies. 
 I felt quite sorry for the child being so forsaken, 
 for when we ladies conversed about the big washing, 
 or discussed whether lemon juice ought or ought 
 not to be added to asparagus sauce, of course she 
 could not be expected to be interested. "Cheer up, 
 Emmi," said I, "who knows but what you may your- 
 self be engaged before long." "I shall never 
 marry!" she exclaimed. "What do you mean, 
 child?" "No, I never will," she said sadly, "I shall 
 never leave you and Papa; Augusta and Betti are 
 both so horrid since they've been engaged !" I talked 
 to her as best I could, but she would listen to noth- 
 ing. 
 
 The gentlemen had meanwhile discovered a good 
 
 [97]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 resting-place; plaids and shawls were spread out, 
 and we sat down comfortably in a picturesque group. 
 Wine had been brought, so that we had all we 
 wanted. I was displeased at one thing, which was 
 that Carl kept throwing dry leaves at Frau Krause, 
 and she didn't seem to mind it. Had Herr Krause 
 tried that joke on with me, I would have let him 
 know what I thought of such behaviour; but he had 
 lain down and was already sound asleep. 
 
 It was not long before I felt myself beginning to 
 nod too, for the spring air tires one. The trees 
 seemed to rustle so gently, the air played so softly 
 about one's face and hair, all sorts of bright dreams 
 seemed to flit to and fro; this went on till all of a 
 sudden I heard Carl calling out: "Wake up, Wil- 
 helmine, it's half-past two, and dinner's ready." 
 "Goodness!" I exclaimed, "have I been asleep*? 
 And for a couple of hours'? Where are the chil- 
 dren*? Where's Betti 4 ?" "She's gone away in 
 among the fir-trees with Emil; they wouldn't let me 
 go with them." 
 
 We had finished dinner when Betti and Emil 
 made their appearance. I was on the point of speak- 
 ing a little sharply to them, when Carl said : "Now, 
 Wilhelmine, do keep quiet, and don't expose your- 
 self to remarks in public." So I checked myself and 
 said jocosely: "Well, Emil, does your watch only 
 make it half-past two 4 ?" He seemed a little put out, 
 
 [98]
 
 A PICNIC 
 
 and stammered something about his watch being a 
 little slow. "More than an hour, I should say; let 
 us see that precious chronometer of yours?" Emil 
 seemed more than ever uneasy. This struck me as 
 peculiar, so I said severely: "Perhaps your watch 
 is perfectly right after all," and pulled at his watch 
 chain to get his watch. Alas, there was no watch 
 at all at the end of his chain, nothing but a key ! 
 
 "The watch is no doubt in retirement," put in 
 Uncle Fritz. I was mortified, and felt as if I could 
 have sunk into the ground. Fancy my Betti's be- 
 trothed having pawned his watch! Frau Krause 
 tittered, which made me get up and leave the com- 
 pany. I could not look a creature in the face. All 
 the people round about us, who had assembled since 
 we came, showed happy faces, and fun and merri- 
 ment were to be heard on all sides ; to my ears it all 
 sounded like mockery. I felt in need of being alone, 
 so as to have a good cry. And so, without knowing 
 in the least how I got there, I found myself in the 
 back garden close to the bakery, and I sat down on 
 a log of wood near it. Oh, I felt as if that log 
 were an executioner's block, and that I was about to 
 lose my head, so miserable and wretched did I feel. 
 The future before me seemed of the blackest; of what 
 use now was the property left us by my aunt in 
 Biitzow ? Emil would pawn everything ! Emil was 
 
 [99]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 frivolous I knew that now; but Betti, of course, 
 would trust him completely. A shudder passed over 
 me, for it seemed to me that a person who would 
 pawn a watch, was capable of anything.
 
 CHAPTER VII 
 
 ON THE EVE OF THE WEDDING OF HERI1 
 AND AUGUSTA, A ROSY FUTURE DAWNS FOR EMMI 
 
 IF I had been in Frau Bergfeldt's place I would 
 have been content with quite a simple wedding, 
 and have only invited the family circle, as expense 
 had to be considered. However, this was not Frau 
 Bergfeldt's idea; she would not hear of a wedding 
 without mirth and music. She declared that it was 
 one's duty to one's neighbours, if nothing else, and 
 that in any case there would have to be some outlay. 
 It was at last agreed to have the usual festive gath- 
 ering on the evening before the wedding, and to 
 make use of what was left for the wedding-day it- 
 self, when they would only be a family party. 
 
 The festivities were to begin at eight o'clock. The 
 best room, the parlour and bedroom were all made 
 use of for the reception of the guests. The beds had 
 been carried up to the loft, and Frau Bergfeldt 
 placed a table with plants where their washstand 
 
 [101]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 had stood, for, as she said, "Herr Bergfeldt always 
 splashed so dreadfully whilst washing that he had 
 ruined the wall-paper." Chairs, glasses and dishes 
 had been furnished by a tradesman in the neighbour- 
 hood, for the Bergfeldts' few possessions were not 
 nearly enough. 
 
 When we arrived at about half-past eight the 
 rooms were already pretty well filled. The ladies 
 were requested to move into the best room, and took 
 their seats in a pleasant semicircle. Of course Frau 
 Bergfeldt had invited the whole round of her ac- 
 quaintances, so that we were all more or less stran- 
 gers to one another. Augusta's own friends were 
 also there and seemed not in the least to know what 
 to do with themselves, and kept sitting three on two 
 chairs. Young Weigelt's landlady, with whom he 
 had lived while a student, was also present. 
 
 The gentlemen stood about the room and smoked. 
 Of young Weigelt's friends there were also a num- 
 ber, for the most part students in their last term, 
 very pleasant young fellows. Their dress-coats, 
 however, I must say, seemed to fit them rather oddly 
 and looked as if they had been made for some one 
 else. 
 
 By nine o'clock the rooms were crammed full, and 
 one could scarcely move about. Meanwhile tea had 
 been handed round and people began talking to one 
 [102]
 
 THE WEDDING EVE 
 
 another. The engaged couple had not yet made 
 their appearance. 
 
 Hereupon Uncle Fritz, who had undertaken the 
 arrangement of affairs, came in. He was followed 
 by two of Weigelt's friends, each of whom carried 
 a chair decked with flowers into the best room, and 
 placed them close to the door that led into the par- 
 lour. Then Fritz sat down at the piano a regular 
 old tin-kettle and struck up the Wedding March 
 out of the "Midsummer Night's Dream." This was 
 the sign for the entry of the bride and bridegroom, 
 who now came in, pushing their way through the 
 guests, and took their places upon the beflowered 
 chairs. The students gave a loud hurrah when they 
 appeared, and we others clapped our hands too. All 
 this was really very touching, and Fritz had rightly 
 calculated upon the effect. 
 
 Augusta Bergfeldt looked pretty well, compara- 
 tively speaking. She wore a white muslin dress with 
 green run through it. However, had she been wise, 
 she would never have chosen a low-necked dress. 
 This had struck Carl too, for, as he afterwards told 
 me, he felt quite chilly whenever he looked at her. 
 Of course, I did not let that remark of his pass un- 
 noticed. "Carl," I said, "love is too sublime a thing 
 for it to be ridiculed." "Well, you should just have 
 heard what the students said about her," was his re- 
 ply. "Carl," said I, "I don't wish to hear it, and in- 
 
 [103]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 deed won't hear it. Moreover, I have no wish what- 
 ever to hear what gentlemen say to one another when 
 ladies are not present. Students are much too free 
 in their ideas for my taste." 
 
 Fritz then played some touching piece of music, 
 and my Betti came in, dressed like a fairy, holding 
 the wedding wreath. She recited a very beautiful 
 poem, which spoke of the parting from the parents' 
 house, from youth, from the joys of childhood, and 
 of the sorrows that were hidden in the future. It 
 closed with the words, "With the wedding wreath 
 and veil, ends for aye the blissful dream." Tears 
 started to Augusta's eyes at the very first words of 
 the poem, and when the line came about being or- 
 phaned and forsaken far from the beloved old home, 
 Frau Bergfeldt herself began to cry. Betti wound 
 up by throwing her arms round Augusta, who burst 
 out into loud sobs, and we others could no longer re- 
 strain our tears either, and had to take to our hand- 
 kerchiefs. I have never witnessed anything more 
 affecting than this scene. But then it is no small 
 matter, surely, to give up one's daughter to a young 
 man, and he almost an utter stranger. 
 
 Then came little Krause. I at once suspected 
 that we should have nothing good from him, his 
 mother spoils him too much. "Now, Eduard dear," 
 she said, "come and let us have your verse." The 
 boy, who was dressed as a young Tyrolese, would 
 [104]
 
 THE WEDDING EVE 
 
 not utter a syllable, and stuck his finger in his mouth. 
 "Eduard, I shall be terribly angry," continued the 
 mother, whereupon the boy drew a long face as if 
 about to cry. "Come, come, Eddy, be a darling." 
 But Eddy could not be made to say a word. "He 
 knew the poem so well this morning," added the 
 mother again ; "but the number of people here make 
 him feel confused. Come, Eddy, dear, go and say 
 the poem to Auntie Augusta in a low voice, and give 
 her the silver sugar spoon. Do you hear, Eduard !" 
 
 "The spoon belongs to us," cried the brat. "Papa 
 only had our name scratched out!" 
 
 Frau Krause in her annoyance looked like an en- 
 raged fury, and this made the boy fly off howling 
 to his father, saying that his mother was going to 
 beat him. Herr Krause was sensible enough to pack 
 him off home. 
 
 After this Emmi sang, to Fritz's accompaniment, 
 that lovely song: Wir saszen still am Fenster, das 
 Licht war ausgebrannt. When she finished, there 
 was no end to the applause the students were per- 
 fectly wild; and so, as an encore, she sang Wenn 
 ich nach meinem Kinde geh\ In seinem Aug* die 
 Mutter sek'J She received the most extravagant 
 compliments for her performance, one of the stu- 
 dents even declared that it was very doubtful 
 whether Gerster could have sung it as well, that
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 Fraulein Buchholz's singing had something pecu- 
 liarly melodious about it. 
 
 The young people now expressed a wish to have 
 a dance. The students therefore with a one, two, 
 three pushed the old piano out into the bedroom, 
 although Herr Bergfeldt stood by with rather a 
 doubtful expression of face. 
 
 While we were sitting there looking on and chat- 
 ting, the Police-lieutenant's wife said to me that my 
 Emmi had such an excellent voice, it seemed a pity 
 not to have it cultivated properly. 
 
 "That has never struck me," said I; "the girl 
 sings everything almost by ear." 
 
 "My daughter is going to have singing-lessons," 
 said the Police-lieutenant's wife. "I have heard of 
 a lady who is looking for pupils. She used to sing 
 at the Opera herself; and nowadays good voices can 
 demand such high prices. Just look at Patti and 
 Lucca, what celebrity and money they have made !" 
 
 I felt perfectly giddy. Had not Emmi a few 
 minutes ago been tremendously applauded 1 ? And 
 had she not sung most bewitchingly'? "I will have a 
 talk with my husband about it," I replied; "some- 
 thing, of course, will have to be done for the girl." 
 Goodness me, to think that our Emmi might make 
 a fabulous fortune with her voice ! It was a grand 
 thought; Carl will have nothing to say against the 
 lessons when I have explained it all to him.
 
 THE WEDDING EVE 
 
 When the Bergfeldts got to bed I do not know. 
 I should think not for two days afterwards ! 
 
 "Carl," said I on our way home, "when our Betti 
 gets married we will have the Polter-abend some- 
 where out of the house." 
 
 On the way home Frau Buchholz refrained from 
 mentioning her new plans for Emmi, as Carl was 
 not in the best of tempers. The Bergfeldt party had 
 been interrupted by a visit from the Landlord, who 
 complained of the noise, and this had spoiled the 
 fun. Frau Buchholz therefore prudently held her 
 tongue. 
 
 When men are out of temper they're best left to 
 themselves. He will be surprised some day when 
 he finds his child renowned and great; and I mean 
 to carry my point about this. 
 
 [107]
 
 CHAPTER VIII 
 
 THE MELANCHOLY REASON FOR FRAU BUCHHOLZ's 
 DEPARTURE FOR THE SEASIDE 
 
 IT could not be denied: Emmi had been a great 
 success. And was such talent to be allowed to 
 rust in the Landsbergerstrasse 1 ? Could I be respon- 
 sible for such a thing 1 ? No; we shall all one day be 
 called upon to give an account of ourselves, and no 
 excuses will be taken. And I am not like Frau 
 Bergfeldt, who would meddle with things on the 
 Day of Judgment, unless care were taken to keep 
 her out of the way, till the end. Emmi's voice must 
 be artistically cultivated. It was my duty, I con- 
 sidered, to attend to this, all the more so as the Po- 
 lice-lieutenant's wife greatly persuaded me to do so, 
 and told me that if Emmi were to join her daughter 
 in taking lessons, the lady-teacher would make a 
 great reduction in her charges. I should certainly 
 not be a true German housewife could I have al- 
 lowed such an opportunity to escape. No, when 
 
 [108]
 
 FRAU BUCHHOLZ AND EMMI DEPART 
 
 anything cheap is offered me I do not allow it to 
 pass ; it is only those sixpenny bazaars that I dislike, 
 and I shall never again buy any articles there, for 
 in the end one has to lay out more in paste and ce- 
 ment than the whole rubbish is worth. Even Carl 
 to whom naturally I did not communicate the fact 
 about the lessons till the second quarter's fees be- 
 came due, and when it would have been a sin to in- 
 terrupt the instruction even Carl confessed that he 
 had nothing to say against the price of the lessons. 
 His admitting this much made me feel very well 
 satisfied. 
 
 And Emmi certainly did make prodigious prog- 
 ress, as the lady herself assured me when she came 
 to see me. "One more course, dear madam," she 
 said, "and your daughter will be a match for Lucca. 
 She already sings the high C with ease, and her 
 roulades show such liquidity that one might say she 
 had the talent of an Artot!" I was greatly de- 
 lighted at this, and thought in my heart if Emmi 
 becomes great and celebrated I shall die for joy. 
 And why should not my daughter have this in pros- 
 pect*? Many a girl has become a great singer whose 
 family were nothing like in the position that we are. 
 
 Frau Griin-Reifferstein was, moreover, the very 
 teacher we could have wished for Emmi. She often 
 told me and the Police-lieutenant's wife of her for- 
 mer stage life, and of the dangers that young singers 
 
 [109]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 are exposed to. However, that she had always 
 shown herself strong, had never lowered herself, not 
 even when a prince offered her a left-handed mar- 
 riage. She knew what young persons were exposed 
 to behind the scenes when they had not previously 
 been "fortified" for the stage that she fortified her 
 pupils just because she knew all the risks they ran. 
 How overjoyed I was to think of Emmi in such 
 good hands! Frau Heimreich's eldest girl by her 
 first marriage was also studying with Frau Griin- 
 Reifferstein, and this did not altogether please me; 
 however, the girl was supposed to have some voice, 
 and so there was no use saying anything, although 
 the mother is a perfect horror to me. 
 
 One of the principals of Frau Grun-Reifferstein's 
 Academy for Singing is to give an annual perform- 
 ance to enable parents to see what their children 
 have accomplished. 
 
 At this year's performance Emmi was to take 
 part in the singing, and, moreover, to appear as Ga- 
 briele in the "Night Watch at Granada"; first in 
 the scene where the soldier brings her back the dove 
 that had escaped, and then the scene where she 
 throws stones at the sleeping soldier to warn him 
 of the approaching bandits. 
 
 The excitement was very great. A whole month 
 beforehand everything seemed to turn upon the com- 
 ing performance, so much so that I had to forbid the 
 [no]
 
 FRAU BUCHHOLZ AND EMMI DEPART 
 
 girls to speak of it in their father's presence, for 
 he got angry at the very mention of such words as 
 rehearsal, costume, performance, &c. I cannot say, 
 however, that I was indifferent to the matter. In 
 the first place, I considered that all would depend 
 upon the dress that Emmi wore. I was not going 
 to allow her to appear in fantastic attire; so the 
 dressmaker was called in, and we arranged for her 
 to make a white satin dress in the latest fashion, 
 with a train, which we decided should be trimmed 
 with gold and red satin, as the scene of the opera 
 was in Spain. Pretty little high-heeled boots also 
 were not forgotten. Frau Griin-Reifrerstein, I must 
 say, did think the dress a little too splendid for the 
 peasant-girl Emmi was to represent, but I answered 
 very emphatically that my daughter should not ap- 
 pear a dowdy, and that unless she wore the dress I 
 wished, she should not take part in the performance 
 at all; so she gave in meekly enough. When you 
 can do a thing well, you like people to know it ! 
 
 Still it would, after all, have been better had that 
 dress never been made. I feel enraged whenever I 
 think of it. 
 
 Well, the day of the performance drew near, and, 
 like all other great events, it actually arrived at last. 
 We were a pretty large party of ourselves, for we 
 took with us all the Bergfeldts, the Krauses, and the 
 Weigelts, as well as some other friends. Dr. Wrenz- 
 
 [in]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 chen, to whom I had sent a card of invitation, 
 begged us to excuse his not going, as he was un- 
 usually busy. That good man, however, never has 
 time for anything when it doesn't suit his purpose. 
 I afterwards heard that that same evening he had 
 been out at Patzenhofers' playing skat with his 
 friends ; yet it is high time he were looking about for 
 a nice wife. Well, I don't mean to press my girls 
 upon him. But that's just the way with these med- 
 ical men. 
 
 Then came Emmi's turn. Yes, there it was on 
 the programme, "Gabriele, Fraulein Buchholz; A 
 Jager, Herr Meyer!" The curtain rose. Herr 
 Meyer in a soldier's dress came forward and sang; 
 a lanky creature, whose head almost touched the 
 ceiling, and who, owing to a sort of internal panic, 
 kept rolling his eyes from right to left as if he had 
 a bad conscience. The door of the cottage opened 
 and Emmi appeared. A loud "Oh !" went round the 
 hall, and a weight seemed to fall from my heartj for 
 I felt she was admired. 
 
 Emmi commenced to sing. When, however, she 
 ought to have advanced to the soldier, she could not 
 move as her train had caught something behind the 
 scenes. The girl became confused and stopped sing- 
 ing. The soldier saw the accident and gallantly 
 loosened her train for her. The audience laughed. 
 Emmi began again, from the beginning; it was very 
 [112]
 
 FRAU BUCHHOLZ AND EMMI DEPART 
 
 depressing. Carl whispered to me, "This is the first 
 and last time that Emmi joins in any such perform- 
 ance." When the curtain fell there was not a sound 
 of applause. Only Frau Bergfeldt, whom I had 
 begged to do so beforehand, applauded with might 
 and main. Every one turned their eyes upon us. 
 I felt as if I should have liked to sink into the 
 ground. 
 
 After a short pause came the second scene. In 
 the centre of the stage stood a small sofa without a 
 back, this served the soldier as a couch; on the left 
 was a bit of scenery representing a house with a win- 
 dow above, and from this window Emmi was to sing 
 her song. Meyer had finished his part and lay down 
 on the sofa, which however was so short for him that 
 his legs dangled a good way beyond the end of it. 
 The audience seemed much amused. Emmi then 
 appeared at the window and began her part and 
 threw a stone at the soldier. To get a better aim the 
 poor child leant too far out, and the bit of scenery 
 moved forward and fell down slowly I feel giddy 
 whenever I think of it carrying Emmi with it, 
 right upon the sleeping soldier. The little table 
 upon which she had been standing had given way; 
 her high-heeled boots were no doubt partly to blame, 
 and so also was her train. I hurried on to the stage. 
 Fortunately Emmi had not hurt herself; but that 
 Herr Meyer was tenderly holding her in his arms
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 and consoling her by saying: "Darling Emmi, 
 thank God that it's no worse. I'll throttle that 
 stage-manager." Fancy that creature calling my 
 child his darling Emmi! The scales dropped from 
 my eyes. 
 
 Frau Griin had gone on to the stage to assure the 
 audience that no one had been hurt; she now re- 
 turned. 
 
 "So this is the way you fortify your pupils for 
 the stage!" I at once began, "you allow the young 
 girls entrusted to your care to have their heads 
 turned by your men-pupils'?" She merely replied: 
 "Madam, it seems you are totally unacquainted with 
 theatrical concerns. Moreover, I consider Herr 
 Meyer a good match for your daughter he has tal- 
 ent, and may get on very well." 
 
 I turned my back upon her coldly and went with 
 Emmi to the dressing-room and helped her in chang- 
 ing her dress. She had to make her confession. I 
 then learned that it was the regular custom among 
 the male and female pupils at Frau Griin-ReifTer- 
 stein's Academy to fall in love with each other. 
 This was considered part of their artistic training, 
 for it was supposed that they could not describe sen- 
 timent faithfully unless they had felt deeply them- 
 selves. Very pretty idea, that! 
 
 It now appears I ought never to have believed 
 Frau Griin from the outset; that eternal singing 
 
 [114]
 
 FRAU BUCHHOLZ AND EMMI DEPART 
 
 about love and nothing but love, and those plays 
 where the talk is again always about love, must in 
 the end lead inexperienced young people into mis- 
 chief. And yet that woman was supposed to warn 
 her pupils of the dangers of the stage and to "for- 
 tify" them. Abominable! 
 
 We drove home. Carl was very much put out. 
 He did not even scold, but I saw plainly how much 
 the whole affair had vexed him. And he did not yet 
 know anything about that man Meyer. 
 
 I considered it my duty, however, to tell him 
 about it. 
 
 "Wilhelmine," said he in reply, "this is all the 
 result of your folly. Why is it that you are always 
 seeking for happiness outside of your own sphere*? 
 What's the use of forcing yourself into relations that 
 don't suit us?' 
 
 "My object was to do my best for Emmi; I 
 thought she might one day become great and cele- 
 brated as a singer," I replied amid tears. 
 
 "We shall now have to think of something very 
 different," said Carl ; "we shall have to pack the girl 
 off somewhere ; she shall not be exposed to the mock 
 sympathy of acquaintances. You will have to see 
 that she forgets that man Meyer ; one of that Griin- 
 Reifferstein set, I tell you plainly, I won't have as 
 a son-in-law." 
 
 So we discussed the matter and considered that
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 the best plan would be for me to take Emmi away 
 to the seaside. 
 
 Frau Buchholz and her daughter therefore went 
 off to Flunderndorf) leaving Carl and Betti in the 
 Landsbergerstrasse. Flunderndorf was chosen with 
 care. 
 
 Anywhere else we should have met acquaintances, 
 who might at all events have heard of Emmi's un- 
 fortunate appearance at the Griin-Reifferstein's op- 
 eratic performance; and such meetings were just 
 what we wanted to avoid. Or would you like to be 
 the talk of everybody*? 
 
 There was another reason, however, for my com- 
 ing here. I had heard that Dr. Wrenzchen came to 
 Flunderndorf every year for sea-bathing. Now, as 
 young people usually get to know each other very 
 well at a seaside place, having, as it were, to make 
 the best of one another, of course all sorts of possi- 
 bilities flitted through my mind as I packed our 
 boxes. There could be no doubt that it was becom- 
 ing absolutely necessary for Dr. Wrenzchen to have 
 a well-regulated domestic establishment, for we had 
 heard recently that he had again celebrated his birth- 
 day with the most luxurious and unheard-of extrava- 
 gance. Uncle Fritz said that it was enough to make 
 one's hair stand on end, and that anything more un- 
 usual, than the way the doctor celebrates his birth- 
 day could not be conceived. Now, if he married my 
 [116]
 
 FRAU BUCHHOLZ AND EM MI DEPART 
 
 Emmi he might spend the day with us very pleas- 
 antly, with a cake for breakfast, a small party of 
 ladies to coffee in the afternoon, and a pint of beer 
 with sliced bread tastily decorated in the evening. 
 I would soon make him drop his extravagant ways; 
 his boon companions too would have to move off as 
 soon as they caught sight of me. 
 
 To make a rough guess, we are about forty vis- 
 itors in all, and as life is cheap in Flunderndorf, as 
 a matter of course there is no Bleichroder among us. 
 A good many persons take lodgings in the fishermen's 
 cottages, where the so-called best rooms are let out 
 by the week or month. Others take rooms at the 
 hotel and meet at dinner. On the beach there are 
 bathing machines, and along the shore is a wooden 
 shed open towards the sea, where a sniff of sea air 
 can be had even in bad weather. When the sun 
 shines every one plays on the sand, ladies and gen- 
 tlemen as well as children. I would not condescend 
 to do this at first, but now I grub away bravely my- 
 self. Moreover, I have come to see that it's just as 
 well for a few elderly ladies to join in this playing 
 among the sand. 
 
 Besides ourselves there is only one other family 
 here from Berlin, and they have clearly come for 
 health's sake. The husband looks a mere shadow, 
 and the wife and little daughter one would fancy 
 did not often get a mouthful of fresh air. With hu- 
 
 [117]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 man beings it's the same as with clothes, it is evident 
 at once when they have been hanging up long in 
 the dark. 
 
 These people have no doubt seen better aays. I 
 have several times tried to say a few friendly words 
 to them, for naturally one likes to know what people 
 one goes into the sea with; but it is always a "touch 
 me not" with them, a regular polar iceberg with a 
 polar bear on it. 
 
 There is, however, another lady from Hamburg 
 with a little son, who at once became friendly with 
 us. A very pleasant lady she is, and always beau- 
 tifully dressed. The other day she wore a costume 
 embroidered all over in black and white; the ef- 
 fect was splendid, and there were large bunches of 
 pansies too about it, one in front, one behind, and 
 one on the body to the left. Emmi and I were in 
 raptures about it. This lady also wears magnificent 
 jewelry, all of massive gold as she herself said. She 
 told me that most of it had been given to her as 
 birthday presents; she did not approve of buying 
 such things herself. It was but natural that I should 
 say a few words in praise of her generous husband, 
 whereupon she gave me a poke in the ribs with her 
 elbow, and laughed. When I expressed my surprise 
 at this, she told me that her husband was away from 
 home doing a roaring business in foreign parts, and 
 that she and little Hannis, as the boy was called, 
 
 [us]
 
 FRAU BUCHHOLZ AND EMMI DEPART 
 
 lived as a rule quietly in Hamburg. She was kind 
 enough to say that she would have liked me to pay 
 her a visit there, but while her husband was away 
 she was living in apartments. 
 
 We took leave of her somewhat coolly after this, 
 and left her and her boy Hannis on the beach. 
 
 In going through the village we accidentally 
 passed the cottage where Dr. Wrenzchen was in the 
 habit of taking up his quarters; so I could not do 
 otherwise than inquire whether he had yet arrived 
 or when he was expected. The man at the cottage 
 informed us that the gentleman from Berlin would 
 probably arrive late that same evening. So I said 
 to Emmi : "To-morrow you put on your cream-col- 
 oured dress, and make yourself as smart as possible. 
 The doctor will be desperately pleased at the at- 
 tention." 
 
 So far all had gone well, but an occurrence was 
 about to happen that I had never dreamt of. Of 
 course not a mortal creature was to blame but that 
 doctor; at all events, no one can say that I had any 
 reason to find fault with myself. 
 
 Next morning we were up early. I dressed Emmi 
 in a way that even the Stettin girl would have found 
 it difficult to match. The weather was glorious. A 
 thin haze lay over the sea, but gradually got more 
 and more transparent, till at last the sea lay like a 
 mirror before us reflecting the sun's rays. And the
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 sky was so blue, you might have fancied you were 
 looking at a newly painted kitchen cupboard. 
 
 Now my plan was to go and give Dr. Wrenzchen 
 a friendly welcome, to tell him how delighted we 
 were at his coming, to keep him by us all day, and 
 to invite him to cold roast veal in the evening. This, 
 of course, we could easily do as he was our medical 
 man and we were on friendly terms with him; it 
 can never be said to be out of place to show some 
 attention to a person who may more than once have 
 saved your life. I meant also to beg him to give me 
 and Emmi a lesson in the game of skat, the rest 
 might be left to me. Fried potatoes, which he likes, 
 he should, of course, also have had. But of what use 
 are one's best intentions, one's loveliest plans, when 
 those whom it all concerns prove wicked*? 
 
 I gave the boy at the cottage a penny, and com- 
 missioned him to bring me word as soon as ever the 
 gentleman from Berlin arose in the morning. Emmi 
 and I waited in our garden and each of us gathered 
 a nosegay. What feelings a mother's heart cherishes 
 when gathering flowers on the morning of the day 
 which will probably decide her child's future, it is 
 impossible to describe; yet all mothers who know 
 how difficult it is nowadays to get the right husband 
 for a daughter, may perhaps imagine what filled my 
 mind as I thought to myself : Here you are sitting 
 in the garden among the flowers; beside you is your 
 [120]
 
 FRAU BUCHHOLZ AND EMMI DEPART 
 
 child, over yonder in that cottage lies the doctor 
 asleep, and the sun has risen and is standing in all 
 his glory high above us all. How much wiser shall 
 we all be when the sun has gone down? 
 
 Just then the boy from the cottage came running 
 up, exclaiming: "He's been a-moving and a-singing 
 too he has, allays up and down ! If y're a bit quick, 
 ye may catch him yet." 
 
 "Did you know that Dr. Wrenzchen could sing 1 ?" 
 said I to Emmi. 
 
 "Oh, he has probably only been amusing him- 
 self," she replied, and with these words we set off 
 to give the doctor the surprise we had prepared for 
 him by way of a morning greeting. 
 
 His window was open. "Now, Emmi," I whis- 
 pered, and with that we both flung our nosegays in 
 at the window. 
 
 "Thank you, ladies," shouted an unknown voice, 
 and the man to whom the voice belonged then made 
 his appearance. It was Herr Meyer, the would-be 
 opera singer, on whose very account, only a few 
 days before, we had fled from Berlin ! 
 
 "Sir," I cried, furious, "how dare you venture to 
 follow us?" "My good madam, let me ask you not 
 to excite yourself. I came to Flunderndorf for my 
 health and at my doctor's advice; he, in fact, di- 
 rected me to this house, for, as he told me, he should 
 have no time this year for a trip to the sea himself." 
 
 [121]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 "Your doctor*?" I cried incredulously. 
 
 "Certainly," was the answer, "Dr. Wrenzchen 
 very kindly " I did not let him finish his sen- 
 tence, however, but took Ernmi by the hand and 
 dragged her off. 
 
 It was impossible for me to have a bathe that 
 morning; so upset did I feel, I should very likely 
 have had a stroke in the water. Emmi was quite 
 gone again upon that lanky idiot of a singer, having 
 just seen him, so that I may say we were now no 
 further than we had been to begin with. 
 
 We shall have to be off from here but where to*? 
 To think of Dr. Wrenzchen playing us such a trick ! 
 
 After Table d'Hote. 
 
 We are going to remain! Our elegant Hamburg 
 acquaintance has offered that man Meyer an engage- 
 ment; we have discovered that she is the lessee of a 
 music-hall or some cafe cJiantant where more atten- 
 tion is devoted to eating and drinking than to art. 
 Meyer is going to appear there. To think of our 
 having been on intimate terms with such a person! 
 This degradation of Meyer's has enabled Emmi to 
 sweep all her admiration of the man out of her heart 
 as if it had been sea-weed; to me this is a real mercy, 
 and I feel truly thankful. He is to give a soiree this 
 evening in the hotel salon, but, of course, we shall 
 not be there. 
 [122],
 
 FRAU BUCHHOLZ AND EM MI DEPART 
 
 We are, in fact, going for a walk with those peo- 
 ple from Berlin whom we at first thought so pov- 
 erty-stricken in their appearance. It turns out that 
 he is a member of the Judicial Court, has aristocratic 
 connections, and is living here in a most unpreten- 
 tious kind of way with his family. Now as this is 
 what I am doing myself, we are sure to get on, for 
 nature draws congenial minds more closely together 
 than art does, most likely because no feelings of envy 
 come in the way. There is something very dignified 
 about these people, even when they are taking their 
 thickened milk with black bread. The judge's wife 
 had noticed this morning that Emmi had been crying 
 (N. B., about Meyer), and it was this that first led 
 to our striking up an acquaintance. She was so sym- 
 pathetic, and he too opened up and became quite so- 
 ciable; the fact is, they had not liked the people we 
 had taken up with at first, and so kept out of our 
 way. 
 
 The doctor shall suffer for all this.
 
 CHAPTER IX 
 
 AUGUSTA WEIGELT'S FIRST-BORN AND THE ASTON- 
 ISHING BEHAVIOUR OF ITS FATHER 
 
 I AM firmly convinced that if some day Virchow 
 were to measure the brain of that woman Berg- 
 feldt, he would find it too short, for she has again 
 been acting in the most inconceivable manner. What 
 she did was enough to make one fly up a tree for 
 safety; still, when you know that a person was born 
 stupid and has never learned anything since, you 
 no longer wonder, but simply shake your head. 
 
 One afternoon lately I was sitting knitting when 
 Herr Weigelt unexpectedly appeared on the scenes. 
 Emmi brought in the lamp, and Betti asked him 
 how Augusta was and why she had not come too, 
 and I asked the young man to take a seat as my hus- 
 band might be in any moment. 
 
 Herr Weigelt has always, as far as I know, had 
 something faint-hearted about him, but never have 
 I seen him look as awkward and bashful as he was
 
 AUGUSTA WEIGELT S FIRST-BORN 
 
 that day. He sat down on the corner of a chair, and 
 eyed me in such a guilty kind of way that I could 
 not help exclaiming : "Good heavens, Herr Weigelt, 
 what has happened to you ; you look like a sick hen 
 that can't afford to call in an apothecary!" He, 
 however, sat there and never uttered a syllable, but 
 kept gazing first at Betti, then at Emmi, and then 
 again at me. 
 
 "But pray, Herr Weigelt," said I again, "what is 
 one to think of you? You haven't surely got a mur- 
 der on your conscience?" When I said this he col- 
 lapsed like a badly made jelly, and with some ef- 
 fort got out the words: "If it were possible, I 
 should like a few words alone with you, Frau Buch- 
 holz." 
 
 "Go away, children," said I, "and wait till your 
 father comes in." They went away, and I was 
 mightily impatient to know what Herr Weigelt 
 wanted. My conjecture was that he might perhaps 
 have had a scene with his wife or with his mother- 
 in-law, perhaps even with both. 
 
 When we were alone, and after some dilly-dally- 
 ing, he began in a doleful way by saying: "And 
 this is the end of it!" "To what?" I asked. "Oh, 
 Frau Buchholz," he replied, "my poor wife, my poor 
 Augusta!" "My goodness, who and what is it?" 
 "Nothing yet but, but," his voice was all of a 
 shake "she won't get over it, it's impossible for her
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 to get over it!" This behaviour in a man greatly 
 displeased me, so I said sternly : "Now listen to me, 
 Herr Weigelt, I can feel no respect for you what- 
 ever a man must above all things show himself 
 brave." "And so I have been till a short time ago," 
 he interposed. "Lately I have had too much to 
 bear!!" "How so?" I asked. "Well," he an- 
 swered, "first there was the trouble about the servant- 
 girl. Augusta tried, at first, to get on with a char- 
 woman, but she was obliged in the end to have 
 proper assistance and so we got a girl at low wages 
 whom my mother-in-law had recommended." 
 
 "Well, well," I remarked, laughing, "if she puts 
 her fingers into things, she generally makes a pretty 
 mess." "The girl is as good as can be," added Herr 
 Weigelt, "but as stupid as a block of wood. Not a 
 day passes, but Augusta is quite upset by her, and 
 yet we are told that she must above all things guard 
 against excitement. I have been told that excite- 
 ment is worse than poison to her in her present state, 
 and, dear Frau Buchholz, I've been living in deadly 
 terror out of pure anxiety about Augusta." 
 
 "No doubt," said I very seriously; "a husband 
 who loves his wife truly, must get uneasy in his mind 
 at times when he reflects that he has no thornless 
 roses to offer her, and that her pathway through this 
 vale of sorrows does sometimes lead her close to the
 
 AUGUSTA WEIGELTS FIRST-BORN 
 
 edge of the precipice ! Have you been looking about 
 for a trustworthy nurse for her?" 
 
 "We have already got one," he replied, "but that 
 is the smallest part of the matter. Our greatest trou- 
 ble is the work of my mother-in-law." "I am curious 
 to know how !" I exclaimed; "whatever has she been 
 about now?" "One could hardly believe it," re- 
 plied Herr Weigelt, "but in education she certainly 
 is somewhat behind the mark." "That, Heaven 
 knows, is true enough!" I remarked. "But she is 
 given to superstition as well," he continued, "and 
 it occurred to her to go and consult a fortune-teller 
 as to whether Augusta would get through her trouble 
 or not. The cards prophesied that she would not, 
 and the first thing Frau Bergfeldt did was to fly to 
 Augusta to give her this melancholy news before it 
 could cool." "Is it possible?" I cried; "she surely 
 cannot have her five senses about her! How did 
 your wife receive this mad piece of news'?" "At 
 first she laughed at it, then, however, she burst into 
 such a violent fit of sobbing, that my heart sank 
 within me. Since that day she goes about her work 
 patiently, but like a sufferer whose days are num- 
 bered. She herself thinks now that she will not get 
 over her trouble, and I too think she won't, and our 
 neighbours think the same. And if she doesn't I 
 shall be to blame. Why did I marry such a delicate 
 little creature? Were it not for me she would still
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 live. And she has been looking forward so to next 
 spring when we meant to have paid my parents a 
 visit. And how delighted they would have been! 
 The country air would have done Augusta good. 
 But now that is all at an end, and there's nothing 
 left for me but to stagger after her coffin in despair !" 
 With this he had a regular fit of crying. 
 
 "Do be comforted, Herr Weigelt," said I to him 
 soothingly ; "who would give heed to what cards said 
 about such matters'? Your Augusta is still alive, 
 and with God's help all will yet be well. There are 
 women who look as weak as if a breath of wind 
 would blow them over, and yet have seven or eight 
 children, and are quite hearty. Your Augusta is by 
 no means so very delicate. I've but one fault to 
 find with her and that's her mother, that Frau 
 Bergfeldt." 
 
 "You are probably right there, dear Frau Buch- 
 holz," replied Herr Weigelt drying his tears, "it 
 was frightfully imprudent of her to torment Augusta 
 with such melancholy forebodings. And now that 
 I come to think of it, Augusta is really not so deli- 
 cate. She has, in fact, fair physical strength. Six 
 months ago she could lift up the small cane-bottomed 
 chair with outstretched arm. Dear Frau Buchholz, 
 I know you to be kind, and I'm sure that for Au- 
 gusta's sake you will come over to us and see that 
 things are done rightly when the time comes*? It is 
 
 [128]
 
 AUGUSTA WEIGELTS FIRST-BORN 
 
 this I wanted to ask you to do for us, and this is why 
 I came to you." 
 
 "But still you can't leave her own mother out of 
 consideration," I remarked. 
 
 "If you wish my Augusta to be murdered, then 
 say so but I know that you will not and cannot 
 do that. You have always thought so well of her !" 
 
 "Well, well," said I in reply, "we had better go 
 at once, so that I can have a talk with Augusta and 
 see what she requires." 
 
 At that moment there was a violent ring at the 
 door bell. "That is Carl!" said I, but I was mis- 
 taken, for Betti came running in and said that a 
 porter had called with a message, asking Herr Wei- 
 gelt to return home as quickly as possible. 
 
 When the poor fellow heard this, every vestige of 
 colour left his face. His eyes looked glassy and his 
 lips trembled. "Be a man," said I to him, "and 
 keep up your spirits. Fetch a cab at once. I shall 
 be ready and waiting in a couple of minutes." 
 
 He fetched a cab and we drove off; but that drive 
 I shall never in my life forget. First he exclaimed: 
 "I am a murderer !" Then he moaned like a criminal 
 about to be executed. Then he called out: "We 
 shall only be in time to see her a lifeless corpse!" 
 At last I could stand it no longer, and said : "If you 
 don't put an end to your ravings I shall stop the cab 
 and leave you. Can't you wait and see how things 
 
 [129]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 are before you begin your lamentations'? It would 
 be more sensible at all events." After this he gave 
 himself up to simple sobbing. 
 
 When we got up to their abode, he was going to 
 rush into the bedroom without more ado. "Stop !" I 
 cried, and held him tight by the collar of his coat. 
 "Such things are for womanfolk to attend to; you 
 men have nothing to do with them. You would only 
 frighten Augusta by your vehemence. I will go in 
 first and come and let you know how things are." 
 And with these words I opened the bedroom door 
 gently and went in. 
 
 What he did meanwhile I don't know; it's to be 
 hoped he employed his time well by thinking seri- 
 ously about himself. When I got back to him I had 
 good news for him. "Come with me, now," I whis- 
 pered, "Augusta wants to see you." He went in, but 
 made a halt at the door and did not seem to have 
 courage to go farther. For, there before him in the 
 lap of a strange woman, who was sitting on a low 
 chair before a small bath, lay a little living creature, 
 a human babe, whom the woman was wrapping up 
 in soft linen and swaddling clothes. But Augusta 
 stretched out her hand to him and said in a low 
 voice: "Franz." He sank on his knees beside her 
 bed and covered her hand with kisses, and then kissed 
 her on the mouth, saying: "My sweet, my dear 
 little wife !" 
 
 130]
 
 AUGUSTA WEIGELT S FIRST-BORN 
 
 The new-born babe now began to cry and Heir 
 Weigelt regularly pricked up his ears, and gave a 
 good long look at the little wrinkled, red-brownish 
 creature whose small face seemed more like one of 
 last year's apples than the countenance of a human 
 being in the first stage of its existence. My children 
 at that age were much prettier, and the youngest, 
 especially, was like an angel. 
 
 "Come sir," said the strange woman, "give a look 
 at the boy it's your first !" "A boy," he stammered 
 "my boy*?" The woman laughed. "Wud ye like 
 to tak him up^" she asked. "If only I don't break 
 it," he said, taking hold of the infant most awk- 
 wardly. "Na, na, you'd better leave it," said the 
 woman; "you'll have to learn to play the father bet- 
 ter than that you don't know how yet! But now 
 the child and mother must have a sleep. I'm think- 
 ing that door out there had better be closed*?" 
 
 He seemed glad to obey these directions, and we 
 then attended to the mother and baby. When they 
 were both settled to rest, our next business was to 
 attend to the father, for it was somewhat past sup- 
 per-time already. In the kitchen I found the servant- 
 girl, and told her to go out and fetch a bottle of 
 rum, but added not to ask for a bottle as a pint 
 would be cheaper. I gave her money for it and off 
 the girl trotted. 
 
 I thought that if Herr Weigelt had a little cordial
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 it would do him good, after all the anxiety he had 
 been in. My Carl always has his glass of grog when 
 anything out of the way happens. For the mid- 
 wife and nurse I made coffee it's what they like 
 best; buttered rolls too were not wanting, so no one 
 came off with too little. 
 
 We sat down to supper, I, the midwife and Herr 
 Weigelt. The servant-girl had fetched the rum in a 
 milk jug because, she said, I had specially asked her 
 not to get a bottle. A terribly stupid creature 4 to be 
 sure. 
 
 Herr Weigelt found it excellent, and was very 
 pleased when we two experienced women assured 
 him that Augusta had got over it splendidly and 
 that he might now quite well have the birth an- 
 nounced in the newspapers with the word "safely." 
 He was greatly delighted that it was a boy, and said: 
 "He will have to be called Franz after me, that's to 
 say if Augusta would like it too." 
 
 Hereupon I said : "Herr Weigelt, I do not know 
 whether your grog is to your taste, but there is sugar 
 on the table, and the girl can bring you more hot 
 water, and you can add what you like. As to the 
 baby's name, you can talk that matter over with 
 your wife to-morrow she is scarcely equal to that 
 yet." 
 
 Augusta had given me the key of her linen press, 
 so that I might give out what was necessary, and I 
 [132]
 
 AUGUSTA WEIGELT S FIRST-BORN 
 
 found other things to attend to; thus Herr Weigelt 
 was left to himself. I do wish now that I had looked 
 after him, for that senseless girl as I found out 
 afterwards in place of taking him a jug of hot 
 water as I had told her, had placed the jug of rum 
 beside him, and he, not thinking what he was about, 
 had added rum to his glass instead of water. 
 
 I was in the kitchen, talking to the midwife, when 
 I suddenly heard singing. On hurrying to the sit- 
 ting-room I soon found what was up. The excite- 
 ment, the rum, and the inborn helplessness of the 
 man had done their worst. Herr Weigelt was 
 fuddled. 
 
 "I shall go to Augusta," he said, as I entered; 
 "she is an angel!" and then sang out: "She alone 
 it is I love; yes, she alone!" 
 
 "Do you wish to kill your wife and the infant 
 with all this uproar?" said I hastily to him. "You 
 are a perfect cannibal!" 
 
 "Oh, Wilhelmine, I am so fond of you !" said he. 
 "Come, dear old soul, and give me a kiss !" 
 
 I avoided him with all the dignity I could muster, 
 saying: "Are you not ashamed of yourself, Herr 
 Weigelt, you just become a father, and now behav- 
 ing like this*? Shame upon you before Augusta, 
 before the nurse, before the new servant-girl, and 
 above all before your own infant!" 
 
 "It hasn't got any eyes yet," replied he. 
 
 [133]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 I let him know the impropriety of this remark of 
 his, and said I hoped he didn't class his child among 
 field-mice and puppies, which, as far as I knew, were 
 born blind. Enough, I was very angry with him, 
 and told him the best thing he could do was to go 
 to bed, and implored him in the name of the heads 
 of his family to keep quiet. At last he became 
 reasonable. I hurried to Augusta, who had awak- 
 ened and was asking what all the noise was about. 
 
 I told her that her husband was quite beside him- 
 self for joy that everything had gone so well, but 
 that I had now persuaded him to go to bed without 
 disturbing her. To think of my having had to ex- 
 pose myself to all sorts of unpleasantnesses, and 
 even to tell falsehoods, simply because that senseless 
 girl Trina had set a jug of rum before him! 
 
 After a while I thought to myself: "He'll now 
 very likely be in bed," and considered it my duty to 
 see whether he had put out his candle properly. But 
 not a bit of it my young man was very far from 
 being asleep or in bed either. There he sat on his 
 made-up bed, and had an open book in his hands 
 which he had taken out of the bookshelf. "Herr 
 Weigelt, are you not goirig to get to bed*?" "Oh, 
 Frau "Buchholz," he groaned, "the poor child, the 
 poor child !" 
 
 "And what's the matter next?" I asked. 
 
 "I knocked up against that bookshelf in coming 
 
 [134]
 
 AUGUSTA WEIGELT S FIRST-BORN 
 
 in," said he, "and this book fell into my hands. Oh, 
 the poor child! He will have to attend the Acad- 
 emy. I learned out of this grammar myself it's 
 Greek and he will have to learn Greek. He will 
 never get to understand those verbs in 'mi* I myself 
 never could. And they will flog him, and he's so 
 small and can't stand being touched. I'll kill the 
 schoolmaster that lays a hand on the child ! It's my 
 boy nobody's but mine! Do you know the verbs 
 in 'mi'?' 
 
 "Herr Weigelt," I replied with dignity, "I do 
 not know what insult this question of yours may 
 contain, and so will waste no words with you about 
 it. But I ask you to make haste and get to bed. 
 Take off your boots first. Now then, let me help 
 you take off your coat and your waistcoat. I'm a 
 married woman, and don't mind so far. You'll 
 manage the rest, I should think; more I cannot do 
 it would go against my feelings of delicacy." With 
 this I left him alone. 
 
 After a quarter of an hour I looked in upon him 
 again. And of course, just as I thought, he had left 
 the light burning and was snoring away like a saw- 
 mill. When my Carl snores I put a round, narrow 
 sofa pillow under his head that does some good; 
 but, as I couldn't see anything of the kind here, I 
 pushed the stupid old grammar under Augusta's 
 husband's head. Then I took away the light and 
 
 [135]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 thought to myself: "What a very different kind of 
 man my Carl is, after all !" 
 
 Augusta was asleep when I crept on tip-toe into 
 the bedroom once more, to see that all was right. 
 When I went up to the cradle and was about to bend 
 over the little one, she opened her eyes; so even in 
 her sleep she must have been conscious that some one 
 was approaching her babe. She looked up at me, 
 and, notwithstanding the dim light, I noticed the 
 supreme happiness that sparkled from her eyes, and 
 the unutterable joy that was shed over her face. She 
 really looked pretty at that moment, but otherwise 
 she cannot exactly complain of being beautiful. 
 I nodded to her in a kindly way, and then went off 
 home.
 
 CHAPTER X 
 
 FRAU BUCHHOLZ LAYS A TRAP FOR THE DOCTOR, AND 
 FINDS HERSELF VERY AWKWARDLY PLACED 
 
 I CONSIDERED myself bound to let the doctor 
 see that we did not value him merely as a family 
 physician, but that we also regarded him as a friend 
 of the family. Hence I invited him, in a friendly 
 way, to take a spoonful of soup with us on Sunday 
 next. Of course this did not mean that he was 
 merely expected to soup, so I added that we had 
 received a present from Mecklenburg of a leg of 
 veal twenty pounds in weight, which could be prop- 
 erly enjoyed only by connoisseurs. 
 
 "Wilhelmine, what piece of deception is this of 
 yours, about a leg of veal*?" exclaimed Carl, when I 
 handed him my note of invitation for approval. 
 
 "Oh, never mind that, it will be there when the 
 time comes," I replied; "and nobody need weigh it 
 on the dinner table." 
 
 Carl shook his head disapprovingly, but I gave 
 
 [137]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 him to understand that there were things which 
 men had better leave women to manage. The doctor 
 had to be invited, that was certain; we owed it to 
 him and to ourselves. 
 
 The doctor accepted. He wrote to say that by 
 five in the afternoon he would have got through all 
 his business, and would be delighted to come. From 
 this note it was clear how conscientious he is about 
 his practice; there are doctors who do not do any 
 kind of work on a Sunday, whether they are called 
 in specially, or whether accidental work comes in 
 their way. A medical man like Dr. Wrenzchen, 
 with such sterling ideas, could not fail to be wel- 
 comed in any family. 
 
 Carl asked me whether Uncle Fritz had not better 
 be invited too, but this suggestion was met with 
 only a knowing smile from me. I had no idea of 
 having a party, I wanted him alone the doctor 
 all to ourselves. This time he should not escape 
 me! I arranged in good time about the roast, and 
 Sunday came when the week had done its work. 
 
 At three o'clock I pushed the roast into the oven 
 with my own hands. Emmi happened to be in the 
 kitchen, and asked me whether she might run across 
 to the Bergfeldts and ask them to come in to dinner. 
 Fancy the girl's innocence ! she had no notion what- 
 ever of the day's importance. I embraced her, tears 
 filled my eyes, and my voice was choky. I could
 
 A TRAP FOR THE DOCTOR 
 
 only point to the oven without uttering a word 
 did not my child's whole future depend upon what 
 was stewing there? 
 
 Thereupon Emmi remarked: "I don't wonder at 
 your being unhappy about the veal, mamma, it will 
 never be done in time; we have never had such a 
 large piece in the house. And none of us like it." 
 "There's somebody that does though!" I ex- 
 claimed knowingly. "But run away, dear, and dress 
 yourself prettily. Put on your puffed velvet bodice; 
 and the flowers I brought from the market for you, 
 put in your hair. They are orange-blossoms." 
 "They are not effective," replied Emmi. "They are 
 symbolical, my dear. In Italy a bride's wreath is 
 always made of them. But come, run away, child." 
 Emmi coloured up to her ears, looked at me in sur- 
 prise, and then went away. I turned to the roast, 
 which was already beginning to brown, and said to 
 the cook: "Jette, in ten minutes it'll have to be 
 basted for the first time. I am most anxious for it 
 to be good." "So am I, mum; you may go and 
 dress with an easy mind I'll take good care of it." 
 
 The table was laid and everything ready. Carl 
 looked so neat and tidy that I gave him a kiss, and 
 our girls looked angelic, especially Emmi in her steel- 
 blue velvet. "Just like a pretty little doctor's wife !" 
 I whispered to Carl. The nearer the hands of the 
 clock moved towards five, the more anxious I be- 
 
 [139]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 came; for what if the doctor were yet to send a 
 message that he was prevented from coming*? What 
 if some patient had sent for him? Then, too, I was 
 afraid lest the roast might get burnt, or that the ex- 
 quisite cream sauce might get spoilt. These thoughts 
 made me fly to the kitchen. But I found Jette 
 basting the roast with the most loving care: it was 
 looking perfection. We put the sauce through a 
 strainer, added a small teaspoonful of arrowroot to 
 thicken it, and put in a bit of fresh butter to make 
 it mellow and tasty. "The doctor will lick all his 
 ten fingers," thought I, grinning to myself; and Jette 
 grinned too, as if her thoughts had been much the 
 same as mine. 
 
 Punctually at five the doctor came. A perfect 
 weight fell from my heart. "You must take us just 
 as we are, dear doctor," said I; "some friends were 
 
 coming, but unfortunately " Here, however, 
 
 Carl interrupted me he so hates those convenient 
 white lies and said: "The smaller the circle the 
 more sociable we can be." And the doctor added, 
 laughing: "If only one's heart be black." * So 
 amidst merriment and laughter we went in to din- 
 ner. I took in the doctor, opposite to him was 
 
 * This remark refers to an anecdote of a peasant who appeared 
 at a funeral in his usual red waistcoat in place of mourning 
 clothes, and upon being asked how this happened, the man 
 replied that he did not think it mattered, "if only his heart 
 were black." 
 
 [140]
 
 A TRAP FOR THE DOCTOR 
 
 Emmi's place, Carl was on his left on account of 
 having to serve the soup, and Betti was on my other 
 side. 
 
 We began with simple homely soup served with 
 Marx and port-wine, which the doctor pronounced 
 excellent. Then we had bass with oyster-sauce (of 
 course only tinned American oysters), and then came 
 the roast veal. Napoleon must have greeted the 
 pyramids with the same kind of smile as the doctor 
 did that leg of veal. At a wink from me Emmi and 
 Betti smiled too, although both were on the point of 
 making wry faces. I knew I had got at the doctor's 
 weak side; and even though as Fritz says he gulps 
 down anything that is wet and praises it too still, 
 Carl had certainly provided capital wines: a bottle 
 of Johannisberg at one mark the bottle to the fish, 
 and a Chateau la Pancha at one mark thirty. The 
 doctor declared a nail might be hammered into him 
 if he ever wished to have better wine. We were 
 uncommonly merry; I was especially pleased that 
 the doctor talked to Emmi and told her anecdotes 
 he had read in the papers. We knew all the stones, 
 of course, for we take in the same paper, but still I 
 could pay him a compliment by saying that he had a 
 wonderful memory. 
 
 When we had finished dinner we had coffee in the 
 adjoining room, and the gentlemen lit their cigars. 
 Carl then asked the doctor kindly to excuse his ab-
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 senting himself for half an hour or so, for he had 
 important business to attend to. This was true 
 enough, for he had to go over the accounts of his 
 district. Betti went off to the Bergfeldts' without 
 taking leave, and Jette I sent with a piece of the fish 
 to the Weigelts' in the Acker Strasse. I knew she 
 could not be back much under an hour. When they 
 were all safely off, I begged the doctor to excuse me 
 for a few minutes, as I wanted just to run across to a 
 neighbour for a minute. 
 
 The truth however is that I never left the house at 
 all, but, after slamming the house door, I crept back 
 on tip-toe, and hid myself in the store-room. There 
 I sat down on a kitchen chair. 
 
 "He has taken his food and drink well," thought 
 I; "if he has a spark of gratitude for what he has 
 enjoyed, he will offer her now his heart and hand. 
 But" such were my doubts "are there not some 
 people who think nothing of an invitation, who even 
 consider Jit a sacrifice on their part to have to meet 
 other people they don't care about*?" In front of me 
 on the table stood a dish with white beans. I took 
 up a handful, thinking: "If I find them in pairs, 
 the two will to-day come to some understanding with 
 each other." I sorted the beans on the table. There 
 were twenty-seven. Not in pairs, therefore. "The 
 first time doesn't count, however," thought I. Now 
 for the second; there were fourteen!
 
 A TRAP FOR THE DOCTOR 
 
 All good things are three, says the proverb. Quite 
 lost in the sorting of the beans, I heard and saw 
 nothing of the world beyond, when suddenly two 
 strong arms were thrown round me, and some one 
 gave me such a smacking kiss that my ears seemed 
 to roar. I jumped up. In the twilight I saw that 
 some military creature a regular seven-footer was 
 standing before me. "Who are you, and what do 
 you want here*?" I asked in a commanding voice. 
 He drew himself up into position and blustered out: 
 "Corporal Gehren of the Guards." "And what is it 
 you want here 4 ?" I exclaimed. "Jette asked me to 
 come in this evening for some roast veal." "That 
 girl Jette *?" I cried, enraged. "She is absolutely for- 
 bidden to have any lover in the kitchen!" "I'm 
 not her lover; she's only my sister!" replied the 
 young Goliath. "Your sister," said I in wrath, 
 "that's an untruth. The way you caught me in your 
 arms is not the way a sister is embraced; it's more 
 than my Carl would venture to do. Be off with 
 you!" He wouldn't go, however, and kept ogling 
 the roast veal which he had discovered on the table, 
 and which I thought of having sliced late/ with the 
 punch-bowl that is to say, if things could be 
 brought far enough for us to celebrate the betrothal. 
 "Be off!" I exclaimed again; "be off, or I'll call for 
 help!" 
 
 Overcome by the insult, my wrath and vexation, I
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 cried out: "Murder, burglars, thieves, help!" The 
 soldier no sooner perceived that I was in earnest 
 than he speedily disappeared down the back stair- 
 case. The doctor and Emmi came hurrying in. 
 What was I to do*? The truth could not be told. I 
 muttered something about a fright and ghosts, and 
 pretended to feel faint. Emmi was quite distracted 
 at seeing me in this unusual plight, but thought I 
 to myself: "Wilhelmine, act cunningly, for no doc- 
 tor with a sense of duty and a conscience could be 
 so wicked as to forsake a suffering creature, when 
 only a short time before he enjoyed an abundance 
 of roast veal and was extremely well pleased with 
 the wine he got." So I recovered but slowly, and 
 told them I must have got frightened by the kitchen 
 towel in the dark. How could I confess that in 
 place of going out I had sat down in the store-room 
 to act the spy*? And could I have said a syllable 
 about the outrageous attack of the soldier, who had 
 taken me for Jette? No, never! 
 
 The doctor was charming to me; it is verily a 
 pleasure to be a patient of his. He said that a fright 
 such as I had had was only external, and would soon 
 go off. He regretted not to be able to stay longer, 
 but said he was obliged to look in upon a patient 
 who had a fixed idea every Sunday evening that he 
 was catching a salmon. Before sending him to 
 Dalldorf he wanted to see if the man's fancies could 
 
 [144]
 
 A TRAP FOR THE DOCTOR 
 
 not be got rid of by some of the rules of medical 
 art. As he would not be persuaded to remain I had, 
 with a heavy heart, to let him go. 
 
 When he was gone, I said to Emmi : "Well, and 
 how did you get on together?" "Oh, very well." 
 "And what did you talk about?" "He said at first 
 that he fancied he smelt orange-blossoms in the room, 
 and also said he couldn't bear the smell, for when 
 he was a child he once had medicine given to him 
 in orange-blossom water, and since then he detested 
 the smell."- "What did you say to that?" "I told 
 him that I would take the blossoms out of my hair, 
 but he said he could hardly expect me to do that. 
 However, I did, and he came and sat beside me." 
 "Well, and then?" "He told me all sorts of things 
 about his dear father and dear mother, who, he said, 
 was always telling him that she would like nothing 
 better than for him to bring her a daughter-in-law." 
 "And he said no more?" I asked breathlessly. 
 "Well, just as he was saying that we heard your 
 screams, mamma, and hurried to see what was the 
 matter." 
 
 Everything turned black before me, and I sank 
 down on the sofa as if crushed. So near the goal 
 the wished-for words had been on his lips when fate, 
 in the shape of a hungry warrior, cruelly stepped in 
 between ! My first thought was to have Jette packed 
 off to the police-station as soon as she came back, for 
 
 .[145]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 it was clear she had left the back door open for any 
 armed creature to enter the house. But I did not 
 dare to do this. What would my Carl, my children, 
 Dr. Wrenzchen, and even Fritz have said to my hav- 
 ing of my own accord banished myself in the store- 
 room'? It would all have come out! Horrible! 
 
 And Jette has since that evening been so impudent 
 and saucy that I have scarcely dared to say a word 
 to her; and, besides, I don't go near the kitchen of 
 an evening now, for fear of coming across the soldier. 
 Thus, in place of the anticipated happiness, I have 
 reaped nothing but vexation and annoyance, and who 
 knows when I may have the chance of getting the 
 doctor here again"? I feel very much down-hearted 
 and humbled, but, nevertheless, I don't mean to give 
 up the struggle against fate to get the doctor. 
 
 P.S. The doctor did not go to see a patient that 
 evening. He was at the Cafe Helbich playing skat 
 with his chums. Uncle Fritz met him there, and told 
 me that "catching salmon" meant playing skat for 
 beer. So he has deceived me, in spite of the roast 
 veal and the bass with oyster-sauce. I should just 
 like to see him dare do this as my son-in-law ; I would 
 soon get him out of the habit of "catching salmon" !
 
 CHAPTER XI 
 
 AUGUSTA WEIGELT'S BABY is CHRISTENED AND THE 
 
 PASTOR JOINS THE MATCHMAKERS 
 
 Weigelts' baby's name had of course been 
 JL entered at the registry office, but it was get- 
 ting high time for it to be properly baptised, and 
 not, any longer, to face each new day a young 
 heathen child. The delay had had its good reasons, 
 for Herr Weigelt's father is a country clergyman 
 somewhere on the Pomeranian coast, and of course 
 the Weigelts wished the grandfather to baptise the 
 grandson; but old Herr Weigelt had found it diffi- 
 cult to get a few days' leave. He had written now, 
 however, to say that he could come, and had men- 
 tioned the day of his arrival in Berlin. 
 
 Young Weigelt explained this all to me the day 
 he came to ask Emmi to stand godmother to his boy. 
 Of course I gave my consent to this, for Emmi and 
 Augusta have always been very good friends, and 
 moreover anything more charming than a young and 
 
 [-47]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 pretty godmother cannot be imagined. It ranks next 
 to a bridesmaid, although in my eyes to be a bride 
 stands considerably higher still. 
 
 When young Weigelt told me that his father was 
 coming I naturally asked where he was going to 
 stay, as I knew their accommodation was limited, 
 and a christening gives rise to all kinds of additional 
 trouble in a house. "Oh, Frau Buchholz, you have 
 always been so kind to us, and I know have a spare 
 room! If you would allow my dear old father to 
 live with you, I should be more grateful to you than 
 I can say. My mother-in-law has unfortunately no 
 room to offer him either." I considered a minute or 
 two, and then said : "We shall be pleased to receive 
 your father into our house. Indeed, he shall be ex- 
 ceedingly welcome, but I must ask you for a favour 
 in return." "I will gladly do anything I can." 
 "Well, what I want you to do is to ask Dr. Wrenz- 
 chen to stand godfather. You know him; now will 
 you do this*?" "I will do all in my power," replied 
 Herr Weigelt, "even though we have to drag him 
 on with a pair of pincers." We both laughed at this 
 cruel idea, which only a short time before had been 
 the device of a murderer for killing his customers. 
 After this Herr Weigelt took his departure, happy in 
 the extreme. 
 
 When he had gone, I thought to myself: "Wil- 
 helmine, this idea of yours is worth its weight in
 
 THE BABY IS CHRISTENED 
 
 gold. The doctor can't escape you. And that Emmi 
 shall look a young fairy you are pretty sure to 
 manage." 
 
 The following day Herr Weigelt came again. 
 "He has consented !" he called out to me as soon as 
 he entered the front door. "Without much shuf- 
 fling 1 ?" I asked. "On the contrary, as soon as he 
 heard that Fraulein Emmi was to stand godmother, 
 he accepted forthwith, and looked as pleased as if he 
 had had his hand full of trumps !" "That is capi- 
 tal," thought I; "he seems himself to have made up 
 his mind that his time is come !" We then discussed 
 all sorts of practical matters about the christening 
 festival. I promised to lend him our punch-bowl and 
 glasses, and whatever else they might require, for 
 the Bergfeldts' bowl had of course got a knock when 
 they were moving into their new house, and it can- 
 not again appear on the table without blushing. In 
 my joy I would have lent him everything out of our 
 best room, had that been possible. 
 
 After this we began to arrange our spare room for 
 old Herr Weigelt's visit. The girls maintained that 
 it would be desperately tiresome to have a parson 
 in the house, as, of course, no one would venture to 
 utter a merry word, and we should all have to look 
 solemn. I said to them, however, with a knowing 
 look: "Children, after rain comes sunshine; after 
 the bitter food you shall have pure honeycomb. But 
 
 [H9]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 I want you to get out your hymn-books and put them 
 on the work-table that will make a good impres- 
 sion. You, Emmi, shall have a white dress with 
 pale blue trimmings. Light blue is your colour. 
 The dress will come in for your dancing-parties next 
 winter; and, mark me, it won't be thrown away." 
 This was on Friday. 
 
 Hence we had time enough for getting the dress 
 ready, for Herr Weigelt was not to arrive till the 
 following Tuesday afternoon, and the christening 
 was to be on the Wednesday. 
 
 When the old gentleman arrived, of course he first 
 paid his children a visit and then came on to us, 
 accompanied by his son. At first I felt a little nerv- 
 ous, not being accustomed to have much to do with 
 clergymen; however, old Herr Weigelt had such 
 hearty and winning ways that in ten minutes we 
 felt as comfortable as if we had known each other 
 for years. When we went in to supper he gallantly 
 offered me his arm, and upon taking his first glass 
 of wine he said that he must be allowed to drink 
 to the health of the family of whom he had heard 
 so much good from his son and daughter-in-law. In 
 his children's names, therefore, he begged to thank 
 them for their many acts of kindness. In answer to 
 this my Carl said that so much praise he was sure 
 would quite embarrass me, whereupon old Herr 
 Weigelt held out his hand to me, gave mine a hearty 
 
 [150]
 
 THE BABY IS CHRISTENED 
 
 shake, and said he knew quite well what he was 
 about, and that he had not said one word too much. 
 
 After supper I addressed myself to Heir Weigelt 
 junior, and implored him, for Heaven's sake, to look 
 up Dr. Wrenzchen again and to remind him of his 
 consent, and of his duty as a Christian. So he went 
 off somewhat early. Old Herr Weigelt chatted with 
 my daughters. 
 
 My daughters having retired, I said to Herr Wei- 
 gelt confidentially: "Dear sir, to-morrow you will 
 have to do with a godfather who is a most pleasant 
 man, and one whom I could welcome as a son-in- 
 law, but the wickednesses of Berlin life have en- 
 snared him. Do, I beg you, address yourself a little 
 to his conscience, and set forth to him the joys of 
 married life in pretty bright colours. If he stands 
 godfather he cannot but listen to what you say." 
 The parson considered for a few minutes and then 
 said : "I will do my best to lead him on to the right 
 road." "You will be doing a good work," I replied, 
 "for you have no idea how corrupt the young men in 
 Berlin are. My own brother Fritz would be none 
 the worse for a word of warning !" 
 
 Next day was the christening. The Weigelts had 
 arranged it all very nicely, and everything looked 
 so cheerful and neat in their rooms that I was really 
 astonished to find that a few flowerpots and happy 
 faces could make a house appear quite festive, small 
 
 [151]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 though it be. Among those present were all the 
 Bergfeldts, of course, from A to Z, Heir and Frau 
 Krause with their boy Eduard, Uncle Fritz, their 
 landlord, a Herr Meyer, with his wife and daughter, 
 a couple of friends of young Weigelt's, among them 
 a Herr Theophile, who was studying chemistry, and 
 who played all kinds of tricks later in the day. Then 
 there were ourselves and Dr. Wrenzchen, so that the 
 room was as full as an omnibus on a rainy day. For 
 the convenience of Dr. Wrenzchen the christening 
 was fixed for six o'clock, and with the stroke of six 
 he entered. Herr Bergfeldt held his grandson, and 
 Dr. Wrenzchen and Emmi stood right and left of 
 him. 
 
 The old clergyman began his address. He said 
 that the gently slumbering infant might be likened 
 to a young bud which was to develop in the great 
 garden of humanity, and that the godparents were 
 expected to undertake the gardener's duty in order 
 that the blossom might give pleasure to the owner 
 of the garden. He then turned to the godparents 
 and said that the duty they had undertaken to per- 
 form, meant, in reality, that their protege demanded 
 something of them. He knew, he said, that Berlin 
 like Babylon of old was full of temptations which 
 specially threatened to destroy all those who went 
 their own way without considering others. There 
 was to be found lurking the gambling table, drink,
 
 THE BABY IS CHRISTENED 
 
 and sin, all dragging young persons into the abyss. 
 One thing only could save them, and that was a 
 home of their own, the care of others in grief, in 
 need, and in trouble. The trials which married life 
 brought with it would lead those hurrying to their 
 destruction back to the right path, and to contrition. 
 Therefore let every young man take upon himself the 
 yoke of marriage, in order that he may escape the 
 snares of evil company, and renounce the follies 
 of life. 
 
 I was beginning to feel as if cold water were run- 
 ning down by back, for the good man was going 
 further than I had calculated upon, but now that he 
 had started there was no means of holding him back. 
 Dr. Wrenzchen was listening pretty attentively, but 
 did not seem very much edified. 
 
 Then the formal christening took place, and the 
 infant Franz was carried back to the bedroom. 
 
 I was curious to see what effect the address would 
 have upon the doctor. The good parson had meant 
 too well; I do not in any way consider the doctor 
 as completely lost as he had represented; but when 
 parsons begin to talk about sin they generally paint 
 it pretty black. 
 
 The table was speedily laid, and we took our 
 seats. Dr. Wrenzchen handed Emmi to her place, 
 and I must say the girl looked lovely. The clergy- 
 man's place was on the sofa beside Frau Bergfeldt. 
 
 [153]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 Augusta had prepared quite a nice little dinner; 
 we all enjoyed it, and when we had warmed up a 
 little the drinking of healths began. Herr Krause 
 proposed the health of the parents, my Carl that of 
 old Herr Weigelt and very well he did it and old 
 Herr Weigelt that of the godparents. Uncle Fritz 
 asked us to drink to the health of the four Franzes: 
 the infant, the father, the grandfather, and Dr. 
 Wrenzchen whose Christian name was likewise 
 Franz and added that if things went on at this rate 
 there would one day be an Imperial Franz-regiment 
 in the family. This made us all laugh most heartily, 
 and Dr. Wrenzchen coloured up rather the doctor 
 talked to Emmi, to be sure, but it seemed to me in 
 rather a reserved and cool kind of way. This made 
 me a little uneasy. 
 
 After supper some of the gentlemen rose and 
 lighted their cigars, and I took a seat by the doctor. 
 "Well, dear doctor," said I, "and how did you like 
 the christening address*?" 
 
 "It has given me a good deal to think about," he 
 answered; "but the fact is, dear Frau Buchholz, I 
 like my personal freedom, without actually follow- 
 ing sinful ways. I should think well over the mat- 
 ter before I put myself under the guardianship of 
 even the most excellent of mothers-in-law. Heaven 
 only knows who put the old gentleman up to his 
 speech, but I must say he has not succeeded in mak- 
 
 [154]
 
 THE BABY IS CHRISTENED 
 
 ing me wish to take upon myself the yoke of cares ! 
 Nor can I imagine that you would welcome a 
 villainous son-in-law." 
 
 There now, I knew it! That was an evident re- 
 fusal. Why had not the old gentleman understood 
 the doctor better? He might surely have known 
 that delicate affairs required delicate handling. 
 
 [155]
 
 CHAPTER XII 
 
 EMIL BERGFELDT BREAKS OFF HIS ENGAGEMENT AND 
 THE DOCTOR IS FALSELY ACCUSED OF RUDENESS 
 
 I HAD never been anywhere by the City Rail- 
 way, nor had the children, so I said to Carl that 
 nothing surely would be more delightful than to 
 make use of the first day in Whitsuntide for a trip, 
 and to go part of the way by the City line. I said 
 that this would be cheaper than anything else, and 
 that moreover it would be instructive as well as 
 interesting. We should also avoid the crowds of 
 common people who generally make more use of the 
 Whit-Monday. 
 
 Carl raised no objections to the proposal. I sent 
 Betti to the Bergfeldts to see if they would go with 
 us, but Betti returned with only a half sort of an- 
 swer, and looked so queer about the eyes that I felt 
 a smell of burning, although I did not yet know of 
 what. It came out afterwards what it was. 
 
 "Why did the Bergfeldts not decide definitely'?"
 
 A BROKEN ENGAGEMENT 
 
 I asked. "They considered the City line too com- 
 monplace!" "Even if we went with them!" I re- 
 plied sharply, and asked further: "Is your Emil 
 coming with us then*?" She was silent. "Or are 
 you going with the Bergf eldts *?" Again silence. 
 
 "A lover surely doesn't leave his sweetheart on 
 such a day!" I added. "I didn't see Emil," she 
 replied. "Then ask him to-morrow morning." 
 "Perhaps," she answered. "What do you mean by 
 perhaps!" I exclaimed. "Have you quarrelled? 
 Have you fallen out with each other*?" "No," said 
 Betti in a low voice. "Well, what then? What's 
 the matter*? Let me hear what you have got to say." 
 "Nothing," she whispered, and then burst out cry- 
 ing, and looked as if she were about to faint, 
 
 I did everything that is usually done in such a 
 case: I fetched Eau de Cologne, I unfastened her 
 dress, which was a little tight, and petted her till 
 she came back to herself. "Now, come, dear, tell me 
 what has happened," I asked. "You can surely con- 
 fide everything to your mother 4 ?" "No," she cried, 
 "no, no, do not ask me, it is dreadful." 
 
 There arose in my mind all sorts of horrible ideas, 
 but I put on a smile, although I felt my heart ready 
 to break. 
 
 "The best thing will be for you to get married 
 soon," I said at last. "Shall we have the wedding 
 in the autumn 1 ?" 
 
 [157]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 The look the child gave me I shall never in my 
 life forget. Betti has such pretty brown eyes, like a 
 gazelle's, but she looked at me as if hurt to death, 
 so piteously, so sorrowfully, it cut me to the heart. 
 "Never," she said, "never." "Well now," I ex- 
 claimed, "but he shall marry you as sure as my 
 name's Wilhelmine !" "But I won't have him," an- 
 swered Betti. "This is a pretty story," said I; "and 
 pray why won't you have him 1 ?" "Because I hate 
 him, I despise him ! Oh, oh, he ... !" Upon this 
 she had a succession of attacks of fainting, and I had 
 to put her to bed. What had taken place I could 
 not discover, but Betti is somewhat obstinate by 
 nature, and what she won't tell, she won't. She 
 answered never a word to all my questions, and I was 
 left as wise as before. 
 
 To Carl I did not say anything about this new 
 trouble. I thought, when once I know myself what 
 it really is, he shall be told. All the more eagerly 
 did I make the necessary preparations for our Whit- 
 Sunday's trip, especially as on the following morn- 
 ing Betti was looking much as usual. The corners 
 of her mouth did certainly seem to droop a little, 
 and she looked very black under her eyes. 
 
 We ladies had, of course, dressed ourselves simply, 
 but still pleasantly to look at. Emmi looked charm- 
 ing in her new cretonne, so much so that I wished 
 Dr. Wrenzchen could by some chance have met her.
 
 A BROKEN ENGAGEMENT 
 
 Betti was dressed exactly like Emmi, and my dress 
 was dove-coloured, with red fuchsias upon it, which 
 is the fashion just now. Carl looked splendid, as he 
 always does. 
 
 Our destination was the restaurant on the Halen- 
 See, for, to speak honestly, I am sick of Bernau and 
 Biesenthal, where the rules relating to the holiday- 
 makers are too strict and the trees are no greener 
 for it. Now, at the Halen-See not only is the best 
 beer kept in ice, but there are ozone springs of the 
 first quality in the neighbourhood. Moreover, we 
 know the proprietor personally, and last winter when 
 we were there he told me that the next time we came 
 he would give us a dish of choice asparagus. He 
 had, as we afterwards learned, promised this to a 
 number of the acquaintances; but, of course, there is 
 choice asparagus enough in the world, and a blessing 
 it is both to restaurant-keepers and to the public as 
 well. 
 
 We found a great many people, but were given a 
 pretty table to ourselves with an exquisite view over 
 the lake, upon which gondolas were flitting to and 
 fro. Now and again a train sped away through 
 the scenery on the horizon, while the foreground, as 
 the poets say, was pleasantly enlivened by waiters in 
 white aprons and a number of respectable people in 
 festive attire. 
 
 We ordered asparagus for dinner forthwith, and
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 meanwhile contented ourselves with a glass of "gen- 
 uine," and then took a walk in the park. We found 
 this very amusing, and I can frankly say that our 
 toilettes created a good deal of attention. We then 
 went on to the skittle-ground, and to our great sur- 
 prise found several acquaintances there. Herr 
 Kleines, a doctor from Hamburg who was introduced 
 to us, and seemed a highly cultivated man, and some 
 others also. But who should we find sitting at the 
 marker's table when we arrived but Dr. Wrenzchen ! 
 I bowed to him in a cordial way, but he did not 
 come near us, only nodded his head with a forced 
 kind of smile. All the others were polite enough 
 to pay us some compliment, but he remained sitting 
 where he was as if glued to his seat; this, naturally, 
 I considered very disrespectful. The party invited 
 Carl to join in the game, but he declined, for he said 
 they were the right number without him. Hereupon 
 Dr. Wrenzchen said that he would gladly give up 
 his place, "Oh," said I, "if you are not going to 
 play, dear doctor, would you take us out in a boat 
 for a little? I know you like sailing." He looked 
 quite perplexed and made all sorts of excuses, and 
 his comrades, especially Herr Kleines, laughed in a 
 most provoking manner, so that I could do nothing 
 else but catch hold of Carl somewhat sharply, and 
 drag him away, for he suddenly seemed inclined to 
 join the game. 
 
 [.60]
 
 A BROKEN ENGAGEMENT 
 
 "Can't you see that we are not wanted?" said I 
 angrily. "That doctor has acted contrary to the first 
 rules of politeness; he didn't even rise when we came, 
 and yet he has enjoyed that beautiful roast veal at 
 our house. Herr Kleines, too, seemed inclined to go 
 into a fit of laughter when, ironically, I asked the 
 doctor to take us out in a boat. The young men of 
 the present day are a vulgar set, that's my opinion." 
 
 In a word, I was greatly annoyed. "Rage away 
 at them, Mina, till you feel better," said my sweet- 
 tempered Carl. 
 
 Oh, where is there a husband as tender in his feel- 
 ings as my Carl? I was about to add a few more 
 remarks, not altogether of the sugar-candy kind, but 
 the words stuck in my throat like a hot potato. For 
 a carriage drove up in front of the park gates, and 
 in it sat Frau Bergfeldt Frau Bergfeldt in blue silk, 
 lying back in an affected way in the cushion like a 
 magnum bonum plum, and beside her sat a thinnish 
 lady. On the back seat sat Herr Bergfeldt with a 
 young girl, who, to judge by the length of her nose, 
 was the daughter of the thin woman opposite to her. 
 Emil was sitting on the box, and looked as boldly 
 out into the world as if he had won a prize in the 
 great lottery. 
 
 "They come out in a carriage, and we travel third 
 class by the City line !" I exclaimed, but got no fur- 
 ther, for Betti had become pale as death. "Betti, 
 
 [161]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 my child," I cried, "what is the matter"? Carl, fetch 
 the doctor. Drag him from the skittle-ground here 
 by the neck- tie. .You see we need him !" Carl flew 
 off. "Betti, you frighten me; what is it, dear child? 
 I'll forgive you everything." "It's over now," said 
 Betti; "I now know enough! Do not be anxious, 
 mother dear. .You see I'm quite well again !" "Let 
 us go home now," said I. '"No, please stay," she 
 exclaimed firmly. "He shall not say that I grieve 
 one moment on his account/V^'Who?" "He, 
 whom I now hate Emil !" 
 
 Carl returned, but without the doctor. He sent a 
 message to say he would come when it got darker. 
 "He needn't trouble himself," I replied sharply; 
 "and moreover we don't require his services now. 
 Carl, I may tell you briefly that Betti and Emil have 
 fallen out, and, what's more, we ought to be glad 
 of it. I never thought much of that poverty-stricken 
 family. To see Betti thrown away upon such a pen- 
 niless would-be judge. A pretty thing, to be sure ! 
 To-morrow you will have to write to Bergfeldt and 
 tell him that we wish the engagement broken off; or, 
 better still, I'll go and tell her so in words that'll 
 make her ears buzz like telegraph wires!" 
 
 "Betti, what do you say to all this?" asked Carl, 
 taking the girl by the arm and drawing her to him. . 
 "I only hope that Emil will be happy with the young 
 
 [162]
 
 A BROKEN ENGAGEMENT 
 
 lady to whom he has now given his affection, and 
 that she may be too," was her reply. 
 
 "Oh, ho! so it's on account of somebody else, is 
 it*?" I exclaimed "on account of that long, scraggy 
 person who sat in the carriage such a damsel, such 
 a bag of bones ! Well, I never !" 
 
 I do not think that my frame of mind could have 
 been called gracious at that moment. Still, to a cer- 
 tain extent I was thankful to know what it was 
 that had been worrying Betti for some time past, 
 and, above all, that we should now and for ever be 
 rid of the Bergfeldts. We remained so as to 'have 
 our asparagus; but we started home earlier than we 
 had originally intended. Asparagus, however tender 
 it may be, when eaten with vexation, lies like lead on 
 the stomach. 
 
 At home Carl found a letter from Herr Bergfeldt, 
 four pages long three pages in beating about the 
 bush; and then he wound up by declaring that his 
 son had been obliged to look about him for a wife 
 with money, and had met with what he wanted; that 
 his engagement to Betti had been entered upon in the 
 thoughtless manner of youths; that our Betti could, 
 of course, make a far better match than by marry- 
 ing Emil. "She dictated that to him, I'm pretty 
 sure !" I exclaimed after reading the letter. 
 
 How long I remained in a state of rage I do not 
 remembe^ but it was a good thing for the Berg- 
 
 [163]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 feldts that none of the lot came near me, for some- 
 thing like mischief was brewing in the air. Betti 
 was the most composed of the party! She told us 
 how she had gradually noticed a change in Emil's 
 behaviour towards her, that Frau Bergfeldt had once 
 or twice spoken of the poor prospects of law-students, 
 and about the advisability of their looking out for 
 rich wives, and that she herself had long since felt 
 that it must all come to an end. She assured us, 
 moreover, that now the uncertainty was over she 
 could take things more quietly, and be happier than 
 she had been. This pacified me. 
 
 When Carl and I were alone we talked the matter 
 over seriously. He too thought it best that the en- 
 gagement should be broken off. 
 
 "Had I had my way, Betti would never have been 
 engaged to Emil," said I. "Those to blame are 
 Uncle Fritz and your own soft heart. And as for 
 the doctor," I added, "he may stay where he is. 
 Anything more rude than he was to-day I have never 
 met with in my life. Never rising to meet me, and 
 not coming even when told that my child is ill !" 
 
 "He couldn't, Wilhelmine, with the best of wills." 
 
 "If he had wanted to he could!" 
 
 "He really couW not." 
 
 "And why not, pray?" 
 
 "He had burst his trousers in playing at skittles.
 
 A BROKEN ENGAGEMENT 
 
 He asked me to present his sincerest regards to you 
 and your daughters meanwhile." 
 
 I was glad, I confess, to find that good reasons 
 had really prevented the doctor from paying us his 
 respects, but I should like to know why he need go 
 to a tailor who cuts his things too scrimp. That'll 
 have to be altered.
 
 CHAPTER XIII 
 
 IN WHICH AN ACCIDENT LEADS TO A FATEFUL 
 [MEETING BETWEEN BETTI AND A YOUNG MAN 
 
 Betti and her mother went into the country, to 
 Tegel, for the summer, this time leaving Emmi with 
 Carl; for Betti was moping on account of the be- 
 haviour of Emil. Frau Krause and her boy 
 Eduard were also there and Betti had a pet rabbit 
 to console her. 
 
 OF course we were provided with books to read. 
 Uncle Fritz had been asked to get us Hum- 
 boldt's "Cosmos." When he brought it he said: 
 "Wilhelmine, you will find it beyond you." But I 
 gave it him nicely for that speech, by saying to him : 
 
 "I have often enough, unfortunately, observed 
 that'you undervalue the capacities of women, because 
 you are a free-thinker, but the fact of your not under- 
 standing a thing is very far from proving that I may 
 not be able to follow it !" 
 
 He laughed in a jeering kind of way, and said:
 
 BETTIS FATEFUL ENCOUNTER 
 
 "I wish you joy with the 'Cosmos.' Send it me 
 back soon, that it may be returned to the library." 
 
 This made me feel it a positive duty to read the 
 "Cosmos." We therefore one day took it and the 
 rabbit, which we had named Sniff, out into the 
 woods, and Betti read aloud to me about the moun- 
 tains in Mexico and about the strata, of rocks that 
 lie on the top. The first day I went to sleep over it, 
 unfortunately, for the day was very hot; the second 
 time we had had beans for dinner, which made us 
 both feel drowsy. The third time Betti read very 
 badly because Sniff was always trying to get off, 
 and she had perpetually to be catching hold of him. 
 We have now determined to leave the "Cosmos" till 
 next winter, when we can read the book quietly at 
 home; it would be ridiculous for it to be said that 
 we couldn't understand a printed book! That is 
 only presumption on the part of Uncle Fritz. 
 
 A new character who was destined to have great 
 influence in the Buchholz family life now comes very 
 dramatically on the scene. A little boy having been 
 pushed by Eduard Krause into the lake> the work 
 of rescue was performed by a young man who 
 chanced to be there. 
 
 His companions went up to him and shook him by 
 the hand, and then seemed to deliberate as to what 
 they should do. I went up to them and said : "Gen- 
 tlemen, I live close by, and will gladly attend to 
 
 '[167]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 your brave comrade. He cannot be allowed to re- 
 main in his wet clothes." They made some excuses, 
 but they little knew me and I did not give way. 
 
 They came with us. In front of our cottage they 
 took leave of their friend and of us, saying, they 
 would call towards evening for him, and meanwhile 
 put up at the Castle Restaurant. One of the young 
 men came forward, and, as they were leaving, laid 
 his hand on his friend's shoulder, looked at him 
 earnestly and affectionately, and said: "Take care 
 of yourself, Felix." Those two must be good 
 friends, thought I, and was pleased. The young 
 men then went off towards the Castle and we turned 
 indoors. 
 
 "Allow me now to introduce myself to you," said 
 the young man as we entered the house. "My name 
 is Felix Schmidt." 
 
 "And I am Frau Buchholz," said I. "But come 
 in; this way to the bedroom. Here is a house-coat 
 of my husband's and here are trousers and waistcoat, 
 and here a night-shirt and socks. His slippers you 
 will find in the corner over there. Just change your 
 things and make yourself comfortable. Shall I make 
 you a cup of coffee, or would you like some spirit*?" 
 
 "Well, I don't think I should be any the worse for 
 a little spirit." "You shall have some then, but 
 now make haste and get out of your wet things." 
 
 I went into the kitchen and made up a good fire. 
 
 [168]
 
 BETTIS FATEFUL ENCOUNTER 
 
 After a while the door leading from the bedroom into 
 the kitchen was opened, and Herr Felix Schmidt 
 stood on the threshold. 
 
 "I am giving a great deal of trouble, I fear," he 
 said, embarrassed. 
 
 "Not at all," said I, taking him by the arm; "but 
 come this way to the sitting-room." 
 
 I got him to sit in the large armchair and looked 
 at him as he sat there. In outward appearance he 
 might have been my Carl, and yet again he was not. 
 My Carl is dark, this young man is fair; my Carl 
 wears whiskers, whereas he has a brown moustache, 
 which suits him very well indeed. And yet they 
 are alike, for my Carl looked just as fresh, and as 
 young and blooming, when we first met each other, 
 and when as yet I had never dreamt how much I 
 should one day love him. 
 
 Meanwhile the kettle had boiled. The woman 
 from the other side of the cottage was waiting for 
 me in the kitchen, and asked whether she could be 
 of any help. I was sorry now that I had always 
 kept her at a little distance, and actually felt a little 
 ashamed to think of it, but I gladly accepted her 
 offer to assist me. 
 
 So we fetched Herr Schmidt's wet clothes, wrung 
 them out, and hung them on the line in the garden, 
 in the sun. His boots we stuck upon two poles. 
 They had been full of water, and there was a large
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 pool of water on the floor where he had stood. The 
 woman brought a mop and dried up the wet. 
 
 It was a blessing that Carl had brought out a bot- 
 tle of good Meuckow cognac, for I could now brew 
 the young fellow a delicious glass of grog. And so 
 I did. For ourselves I made some strong coffee; 
 we had had some already that afternoon, it is true, 
 but needed something after our fright and excite- 
 ment. 
 
 There in the sitting-room were Felix Schmidt and 
 Betti when I entered with the grog. The two were 
 talking away quite gaily together. I told him that 
 I considered he had to-day saved a family from a 
 great sorrow. He replied that any one would have 
 done the same in his place. He said he had seen how 
 the boy fell into the water and happened to be 
 nearest the spot. 
 
 Betti asked if he had noticed how the boy got into 
 the water. 
 
 Herr Felix Schmidt did not answer at once, but 
 then asked was there not another boy on the pier 
 beside him*? 
 
 "Yes, there was," said Betti. 
 
 "Do you know the boy?" 
 
 "Oh, yes," said I, "and a regular good-for-noth- 
 ing he is." 
 
 "I should not let him go about alone unless prop- 
 erly looked after," said Herr Schmidt. 
 [170]
 
 BETTIS FATEFUL ENCOUNTER 
 
 "Why not?" I asked. 
 
 "He might fall in himself some day," he replied 
 briefly. 
 
 "Oh, no," said I, smiling, "weeds are not so easily 
 got rid of." 
 
 Herr Schmidt had finished his first glass, and so 
 I went to mix him a second. The sun had mean- 
 while gone round a little, so the woman and I had 
 to move the wet clothes. They were, however, dry- 
 ing fairly well. His linen would soon be ready for 
 ironing, so I put the heaters in the fire. Betti came 
 in and said that Herr Schmidt's cigars had all got 
 soaked, and he would very much like a smoke. 
 
 "How do you know that*?" 
 
 "Because I asked him." 
 
 "What made you think of that?" 
 
 "Well, Emil never could be a quarter of an hour 
 without smoking." 
 
 "Your father's cigars are on the top of the ward- 
 robe. Take in this brandy and water to him, and 
 this bread-and-butter also he must be hungry." 
 
 I could have shouted for joy when she was gone, 
 for this was the first time for many weeks that Betti 
 had mentioned Emil's name, and generally she was 
 upset the moment any one spoke of him. So perhaps 
 she is becoming indifferent to him at last. 
 
 The heaters were now red hot, and I set about the 
 ironing. His linen could not, of course, be made to 
 
 [171]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 look as nice as it might have done if newly starched, 
 but I could, at all events, show I was perfectly 
 up in the art. His underclothing was good and 
 neatly marked. The young man was tidy, that one 
 could see. His waistcoat I ironed too. My Carl 
 always wears white waistcoats in summer, and main- 
 tains that they are never so nice as when I do them 
 up for him. Betti came in again with Herr Schmidt's 
 watch, which was full of water and wouldn't go. 
 "Does the time seem so long to him?" I asked. 
 "No," she replied, "we were only saying how quickly 
 it was passing, and this made him look at his watch." 
 I hung the watch up above the fireplace; it was a 
 valuable gold watch, not a mere latchkey such as I 
 once found hanging at the end of Emil Bergfeldt's 
 watch-chain. The Bergfeldts were, in fact, an utter 
 mistake. 
 
 The woman of the house I had sent out to the 
 butcher's, and she now came in with the cutlets, and 
 set about peeling the potatoes. The clothes were 
 getting dry, and wherever I could I made the irons 
 help in this. It seemed to me almost as if I had 
 been working for that beloved Carl of mine, and 
 to work for him is my greatest pleasure in life. 
 When ready, I laid the clothes tidily on my bed, 
 and the boots were put beside it; the woman had 
 given them a brush and made them look as bright 
 as was possible.
 
 BETTIS FATEFUL ENCOUNTER 
 
 "Herr Schmidt," said I, on going into the sitting- 
 room, "everything now is in the loveliest state of 
 confusion" I didn't see why I mightn't make a 
 little joke "so this masquerading can now come to 
 an end." 
 
 He was astonished to find how quickly we had put 
 everything to rights for him; but then, do men un- 
 derstand anything about ironing, I should like to 
 know*? 
 
 Betti and I now laid the cloth in the front room, 
 and moreover we laid places for seven persons for 
 Herr Schmidt and his four companions and our two 
 selves. Wine we had in the house, and the woman 
 provided us with glasses and plates. She behaved 
 admirably, and I determined to be more sociable 
 with her in future. 
 
 When Herr Felix had changed his things and 
 came in to us he looked as if he had just stepped 
 out of a band-box, so trim and neat was he. Really 
 a splendid, handsome young fellow! His neck-tie 
 was, however, missing, and I could not find one of 
 Carl's. A happy thought struck Betti. She took 
 my scissors and cut a strip off her ghostly veil and 
 manufactured a most successful neck-tie, which she 
 was obliged to put on for him, as he said he would 
 not wear it otherwise. 
 
 By the time his friends came the potatoes were 
 ready, and the cutlets were soon cooked also. They 
 
 [173]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 all seemed to enjoy their supper, and we were a very 
 merry party. Herr Felix's special friend raised his 
 glass and said he wished in the name of all his com- 
 rades to drink the health of the hospitable family, 
 and to thank them for the great kindness shown to 
 their friend, so glasses were knocked together, and 
 they drank to the welfare and happiness of the 
 Buchholz family. I proposed a toast too, and said I 
 only regretted that my Carl was not present, and 
 hoped we might one day see them all here again. 
 And they promised to come. We spent a delightful 
 evening. But good-bye had to be said at last, and 
 Herr Felix seemed really sorry to have to return to 
 Berlin. But he had to be off in the end, and so 
 followed the others, who had got a long start of him. 
 
 We cleared away the things and then sat down a 
 little in front of our cottage. It was wonderfully 
 beautiful, for nature does not go to sleep during 
 these bright summer nights, only dozes as it were, for 
 the morning comes so soon. 
 
 The trees and shrubs threw their perfume out into 
 the night, and the crickets were chirping in the 
 hedges. 
 
 I put my arms round Betti and she cuddled up to 
 me in a way she had not done for long. We did not 
 speak, both of us followed our own thoughts, and it 
 was not till it had become very late, and the sky in the 
 east had begun to grow light, that we went indoors. 
 
 [174]
 
 CHAPTER XIV 
 
 A HARVEST FESTIVAL AND THE DISCOVERY THAT THE 
 DOCTOR PROBABLY REALLY 1MEANS SOMETHING 
 
 Frau Buchholz quickly set to work to make^ if 
 possible, sure of the hero. She proceeded in the 
 usual German way by proposing that a party should 
 be invited to come out for the Sunday. 
 
 I DISCUSSED this plan with Betti, and then 
 added in an off-hand way: "How would it be if 
 we were to ask Herr Felix and his friends to come 
 out and see us*?" Betti answered: "I should say it 
 would be a little wanting in tact to give them a 
 direct invitation." "But they promised to look in 
 upon us again, that evening when they bade us good- 
 bye." "If they come of their own accord I should 
 be delighted," said Betti, "but if you send them an 
 invitation, I, for one, should go home." "What 
 should you wish to go home for? Your father and 
 Emmi will be coming here, and Uncle Fritz too." 
 "Nevertheless I should go.": "Betti, do be reason- 
 
 [175]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 able," said I. Betti was about to answer again, but 
 before she could open her mouth I had left the room 
 and slammed the door after me. If I hadn't done 
 it at first, she would have ended in slamming it. I 
 wanted her to judge for herself what an abominable 
 practice it was. There's nothing more effective in 
 education than example! 
 
 In the afternoon I went into town and moreover 
 alone, as Betti was out of humour, and on the jour- 
 ney all kinds of thoughts flitted through my mind: 
 that his heart is in its right place has been proved, 
 and that he is orderly and well-to-do I could see by 
 his clothes and his linen. He is in the retail trade. 
 My Carl began in a small way too. . . . Why 
 should the two not build their own nest a shop in 
 front with a room at the back, and the living-rooms 
 upstairs *? 
 
 Yet how was I to get him out to Tegel*? 
 
 I do not deny the existence of Providence, and so 
 thought to myself: "If I happen to meet Herr Felix 
 accidentally, then that meeting I shall look upon as 
 a sign from Heaven." And as there is no reason 
 why one should not assist the decrees of Providence, 
 I resolved to go down the Konig Strasse and to see 
 if I could, by chance, find him at his place of busi- 
 ness. He was not there, however. Where should he 
 be, however, but at our house in eager conversation 
 with my Carl, and, moreover, about a parcel of 
 
 [176]
 
 THE HARVEST FESTIVAL 
 
 woollen socks which his principal wished him to pur- 
 chase from my husband! "This is verily the voice 
 of Heaven," said I to myself, and waited till they 
 had settled their business and the young man was 
 about to go. I told him I was glad to see him again, 
 and added: "Next Sunday is harvest festival in 
 Tegel." "I intend to be there if the weather keeps 
 fine and it does not rain," he replied, colouring up. 
 "You can't be afraid of wet, I should think," said I 
 cheerily as he bade us good-bye. "Well," thought I 
 to myself, "if the weather on Sunday is fine, that'll 
 be a third sign, and nothing will induce me to act 
 contrary to the will of Providence." 
 
 Carl, who had been glad to hear from me how 
 admirably the young man had behaved, now also 
 called him considerate as well, for it was he who had 
 persuaded his principal to do business with us, and 
 Carl said that it promised to work well for the fu- 
 ture. "Carl," said I, "you see how an act of kind- 
 ness can yield interest. If I had not shown him the 
 attention I did, who knows whether you would have 
 got him to take the socks so readily; and Betti, 
 moreover, seems to have taken a liking to him." 
 Carl flew up at this, and exclaimed : "My daughter 
 is worth more to me than a parcel of socks. Have 
 you not had enough with your match-making yet, 
 Wilhelmine'?" "Carl," I replied, with quiet dig- 
 nity, "what is settled in Heaven will come to pass 
 
 [177]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 on earth. The young man's business is, moreover, 
 in your line. We have but the two daughters how 
 nice it would be if at some future day we could 
 speak of 'Buchholz and Son, wholesale dealers in 
 woollen wares and fancy articles' !" Carl considered 
 for a little, and then replied: "If you will promise 
 me to keep your hands out of the matter, I will not 
 act contrary to your wishes." 
 
 "That I will promise you," said I, "but I have 
 already given him a half-and-half sort of invitation 
 for Sunday next." "See how incorrigible you are, 
 Wilhelmine ; but this time I shall keep my eyes open, 
 remember." 
 
 So I packed up such things as might be necessary 
 for our guests on Sunday, and then went round to 
 Uncle Fritz to tell him to come and bring a friend 
 or two. I did this so that I might have some excuse 
 to make to Betti for all the plates, knives, forks and 
 spoons I brought back with me. 
 
 On Sunday the weather was magnificent ! 
 
 My husband had come on the Saturday evening. 
 
 Fritz and Herr Kleines were to come the follow- 
 ing afternoon, and Emmi was to bring the Police- 
 lieutenant's daughter Mila out with her. 
 
 We waited for some time for Emmi, but in vain, 
 and Uncle Fritz also did not turn up, so there was 
 nothing to be done but go to the village without 
 them. We did this, and saw the gaily decorated 
 
 [178]
 
 THE HARVEST FESTIVAL 
 
 harvest-waggon pass with the harvest-folk, carrying 
 their tools. The procession was very pretty, but it 
 did not give me much pleasure, for I was anxious 
 about Emmi's not coming; and Uncle Fritz and his 
 friends had also not come. At last there came Emmi, 
 but alone. "Where is Mila?" I asked. "She said 
 she had no proper dress." "What nonsense ! And 
 why are you so late 1 ?"- "I was watching the tram- 
 way being laid in the Franzosische Strasse." 
 "Emmi," said I, "and what took you to the Franz- 
 osische Strasse, and what have you got to do with 
 tramways?" "Oh, Mamma, it is so interesting!"' 
 ".You never used to think so." "But when every- 
 thing is so well explained, it is delightful !" "And 
 who has been explaining tramways to you? Out 
 with what you have got to say." "Doctor Wrenz- 
 chen," she said shyly. "What's that you say?" 
 "The new line goes right past his house." "How 
 do you come to know that?" "I met him in a 
 tramcar the other day." "Who?" "Doctor 
 Wrenzchen; it was quite accidental." "And to-day 
 again accidentally?" I asked. "No, he fetched 
 me." "To see the tramway?" "Yes; and then we 
 drove to the Halle gateway and back." "Did he 
 invite you to take the trip?" "Yes, but I paid the 
 fare myself; he never pays for me when we go by 
 tramway." "And so you make appointments, do 
 you? Do you not remember how rude he was to me 
 
 [179]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 lately*?" "Mamma, you quite misunderstood him; 
 he is so good!" "We shall have to return to this 
 subject," said I; "but I cannot understand your al- 
 lowing a man to make you advances, when he has 
 already shown you the cold shoulder more than once ; 
 and to think of your meeting him in tramcars! I 
 shall have to keep you out at Tegel with me." 
 
 And now I ask any one to make out what that Dr. 
 Wrenzchen means. I give him the finest of roast 
 veals, and he does not allow me to notice anything, 
 yet scarcely have I turned my back when he goes 
 philandering after the innocent child. Thank good- 
 ness, in the tramcars they are under supervision! 
 
 The gentlemen had gone on before; I and my 
 daughters followed them to the Castle Restaurant, 
 where the festival was in full swing; and there too 
 we found Herr Felix and his friend Max. We ex- 
 changed greetings, engaged a table, and s sat down 
 comfortably. 
 
 We others enjoyed ourselves for some time after- 
 wards. Betti bloomed like a rose, and Uncle Fritz 
 danced away like a madman with the peasant girls. 
 Herr Max, Felix's friend, was rather quiet; and 
 when I asked him why he was so serious, he said 
 that he was enjoying his friend's happiness. I did 
 not make any reply, but inwardly I was sounding a 
 trumpet to myself for sheer joy. The two friends 
 must have had a talk together, and what it was 
 
 [180]
 
 THE HARVEST FESTIVAL 
 
 about I knew well enough without being told. I've 
 learned so much long since. 
 
 Later, when we were returning to our modest 
 little summer quarters, Carl said to me: "Wilhel- 
 mine, I think the firm Buchholz and Son would do 
 very well. He is a splendid fellow but do me the 
 one favour, and do not drive at them." "Carl," 
 said I, "just as you think best. I have come to see 
 that a good thing must bide its time. But I must tell 
 you I wish Emmi to remain in Tegel with me. If 
 the doctor means it seriously, he will know where to 
 find her." 
 
 "What's the matter with the doctor, Wilhel- 
 mine'?" 
 
 "You just wait and see; I shall be his mother-in- 
 law yet, and then we can settle our accounts; he is 
 pretty deeply in my books." 
 
 We were very merry till the gentlemen had to be 
 off to town. In the night I dreamt that Dr. Wrenz- 
 chen and Emmi were off in a tramcar together, and 
 that I ran after it without being able to catch them. 
 It is to be hoped that this dream does not forebode 
 evil.
 
 CHAPTER XV 
 
 WHEN children are small it is not difficult to 
 get at their little secrets without their notic- 
 ing it; one has, in fact, to be careful that they do not 
 drop out, like the petals off a rose that has long been 
 on its stalk. As children grow bigger, however, they 
 learn to take better care of themselves, and manage 
 to keep a secret, although their whole being betrays 
 the possession of that which their little hearts can- 
 not lock up firmly enough. But when they have 
 become grown up and have learned to love some- 
 thing beyond their God and their parents, then they 
 are as silent about their secrets as the mountain that 
 concealed the enchanted prince. And if a mother 
 wants to know that prince's Christian and family 
 name, she will have to wait for some stray chance, 
 and follow its track like a private detective. We 
 have all been young, and know quite well how it is !
 
 STRANGE DOINGS 
 
 My two daughters had provided themselves in 
 good time with the materials necessary for their 
 embroidery work for Christmas; and as nowadays 
 not only are towels and dusters, but even wash- 
 cloths adorned with modern old-German cross-stitch 
 patterns, of course I had nothing to say against such 
 work. It is the fashion, and is at any rate better 
 than that time-squandering reading of novels, for,^ 
 after all, what does it matter whether a certain 
 couple one doesn't know, manage to make it up or 
 whether they don't? 
 
 The girls were very busy, especially Emmi. If I, 
 once in a way, forgot myself and said: "Well, 
 Emmi, you seem to be preparing some very extraor- 
 dinary surprise for us this Christmas!" she was a 
 little put out and replied: "Only don't expect too 
 much, Mamma; you know the proverb: 'Let it be 
 little, but from the heart/ " But as I knew that she 
 sat up half the night, I could not get my mind at 
 rest, and, therefore, as is the duty of every mother, 
 I took to playing the spy. Yet, carefully as I 
 watched, she was too cunning for me, and although 
 I was, day by day, more firmly convinced that she 
 was keeping some secret from me, apart from em- 
 broidered handkerchiefs and things, still I did not 
 manage to obtain any clue. If I asked Betti about 
 the matter, her answer was: "She doesn't tell me 
 anything either of what she's about," and with Carl
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 I did not care to discuss the subject, for he had lat- 
 terly been in such particularly good spirits that I did 
 not wish to upset him with family quibblings. I 
 now wish I had spoken to him, however, although 
 all has turned out for the best. Still there would 
 have been one angry body the fewer. 
 
 One evening Emmi and Betti were sitting in their 
 room working at their Christmas presents, and I was 
 giving audience to my own thoughts, when the door- 
 bell rang. I was out like a shot, for I had firmly 
 made up my mind not to leave the smallest trifle 
 uncontrolled in the house therefore I opened the 
 door myself. "Am I right here for the Buchholzes*?" 
 asked a young man who looked like a tradesman's 
 apprentice. "Yes, certainly, the Buchholzes live 
 here." "Well, then," he replied, "can I speak to 
 Miss Emmi a minute*?" All at once the scales 
 seemed to drop from my eyes. "Here's the key to 
 the secret," seemed to be called out within me, so 
 without further ado, I replied: "That's all right 
 I'm Miss Emmi myself." "You'll have been lying 
 a goodish time on the shelf then, but maybe the 
 braces 'ull help you yet," said the impudent wretch, 
 and he brought out a parcel containing a pair of half- 
 finished braces which he threw over his shoulders as 
 if to show them off. "Master's compliments, and 
 he thinks surely never was a body long enough for 
 these, unless he's a born giant. Or maybe the gentle-
 
 STRANGE DOINGS 
 
 man means to use the braces as trouser-straps as 
 well." 
 
 "They do seem too long, it's true," I replied as 
 calmly as I could. "I'll go and measure them again. 
 Call back in half an hour. Here are a couple of 
 pence for you." "You'll do better to keep them till 
 I come back and get paid for the whole. Good- 
 evening, mum !" 
 
 The insolent fellow then made off. I took a look 
 at the braces. They were embroidered with the 
 finest silk, a lot of rosebuds and forget-me-nots; a 
 desperately troublesome bit of work, and at least half 
 a yard too long. For whom could Emmi have been 
 plaguing herself so? I was determined to find this 
 out! So upstairs I went to my daughters' room, 
 and knocked so that they might have time to hide 
 their Christmas secrets. I entered then as if I knew 
 nothing whatever. "Emmi," I said, "a youth has 
 brought these braces with a message that they are 
 far too long." Emmi looked at me perfectly aghast 
 and exclaimed: "Now it's all spoiled!" "What is 
 all spoiled?" I cried, terrified. "And we had all so 
 looked forward to it!" "But, child " 
 
 "You see, Mamma, what it comes to when you 
 persist in mixing yourself up with everything!" said 
 Betti to me reproachfully. "How so?" "Well, 
 there's no use now in keeping it a secret any longer. 
 You'd never rest till you knew every detail. Emmi 
 
 [185]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 is engaged to Dr. Wrenzchen ; Papa has given his 
 consent, and Dr. Wrenzchen's parents have also 
 agreed to it, and we wanted to present the couple to 
 you as a Christmas surprise. The braces are, of 
 course, for the doctor, who always wears his trousers 
 so fearfully short, and in trying to remedy the evil 
 the braces have been made too long. There, now 
 you know all; those stupid things" (here she pointed 
 to the roses and forget-me-nots) "would in any case 
 have soon put you on to the right track." 
 
 I had to sit down. Emmi engaged to the doctor ! 
 And behind my back ! Without my knowing ! My 
 feelings must have been like those of a king who 
 has been robbed of his authority. My authority in 
 the family was undermined. And by whom ? By a 
 stranger. By that doctor, who had so often thwarted 
 me, and had now deceitfully won Carl over to his 
 side. This was too much for me. If I had dashed 
 my head in full swing against the wall, I could not 
 have felt more dazed than I did. 
 
 My first feeling was to burst out into a loud laugh, 
 but I controlled myself as my child's happiness de- 
 pended upon what I did now. Moreover, I could 
 pluck the crow in question with the doctor till the 
 bitter end at some future day. I therefore composed 
 myself, rose, and went up to Emmi much moved, 
 and embraced and kissed her. "You have my bless- 
 ing, dear child," said I, "and if the doctor were 
 
 [186]
 
 STRANGE DOINGS 
 
 here ... I would give him my blessing too." 
 "Very well, Mamma," cried Betti, smiling, and ran 
 out of the room. 
 
 I was thus left alone with Emmi, and the girl 
 poured her whole heart into her mother's breast. 
 With a kiss I silenced the little chatterer. And she 
 seemed just made for kissing, as she stood there with 
 beaming eyes, and her bright colour, so young, so 
 happy and full of life, glowing in the first blush of 
 love ! I must say I grudged giving her to the doctor 
 a little, but as they love each other, I am powerless. 
 
 Betti returned, and saic that she had sent for Dr. 
 Wrenzchen, so that he might get his share of my 
 blessing, but the message sent back was that he 
 would be engaged till nine o'clock with his profes- 
 sional duties, and that after nine he could not go out 
 as his staircase was being painted. "Why can't he 
 make use of the back stairs'?" I asked. "He hasn't 
 got a second staircase in his house, Mamma, com- 
 fortable as it otherwise is," was Emmi's answer. 
 "So you've been to his house, it seems." ".Yes, with 
 Papa and the old Wrenzchens. Oh, they are such 
 dear, delightful people!" 
 
 "Without me?" I exclaimed indignantly. 
 
 "Yes, Mamma. You always wanted so much to 
 have him as a son-in-law, and so we meant to have 
 presented him to you at Christmas," said Emmi. 
 "Whose was that low idea?" I asked. "It was Dr. 
 
 [187]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 Wrenzchen's, of course. Oh Mamma, he is so clever 
 and wise," cried Emmi; "and if you knew how lov- 
 ing he can be " 
 
 "Emmi," I cried sorrowingly, "is your mother 
 nothing to you now, and is this doctor who has 
 broken into the fold is he everything? Is this all 
 the thanks I get for having borne you, and for bring- 
 ing you up, for having guarded you like the apple 
 of my eye and are you all going to prove yourselves 
 cold to me for the sake of that Dr. Wrenzchen? 
 Perhaps it is just as well that the paint on his stair- 
 case prevents his coming till to-morrow; who knows 
 but what, if I had him here " 
 
 Emmi laid her arms gently on my shoulder. "Did 
 Grandmamma scold in this way when you were 
 engaged to Papa?" she asked and looked at me with 
 the happiest of smiles. "No no, child and I'm 
 not scolding. Only your not letting me take part in 
 your happiness long since it's that that vexes me." 
 
 "And we only meant to give you a treat such as 
 you had never had before it was out of pure love 
 that we didn't say anything." 
 
 The child was right, and so I admitted myself 
 satisfied. When the shop-boy returned I handed him 
 the braces and gave him Carl's measurement. Carl 
 is a head taller than the doctor, so that the length 
 will be right enough if he straps them up high. My 
 Carl did not come home from his district meeting till 
 
 [188]
 
 STRANGE DOINGS 
 
 later. And I did not show myself altogether amiable 
 towards him of course, for he had to feel that a hus- 
 band cannot ignore his wife without being the worse 
 for it, Christmas surprises or not, which had come 
 to an end as it was. 
 
 The next evening, when the doctor was at last to 
 come and see me, Emmi was very restless, but brides 
 always are when their divinity is about to appear. 
 Uncle Fritz then came in. I knew what was going 
 to be done, for the formal betrothal I had always put 
 off, and had arranged with Uncle Fritz that the doc- 
 tor should be smuggled into the house quietly on 
 Christmas Eve. But, of course, thought I, if he is 
 to be put among the Christmas gifts, that is my 
 business, and I mean to attend to it. So I went un- 
 observed into the room where the tree stood, and the 
 presents were all laid out, and where Uncle Fritz 
 had secretly let the doctor in. And there he stood 
 like a very burglar! I shook hands with him, and 
 he wished me a good-evening, but he hardly knew 
 how to excuse himself for being found in the room. 
 "Help me to light the tree," said I to him cheer- 
 ily, and gave him a taper. He was so quick at it 
 that I said jocosely: "You are a born paterfa- 
 milias" Then he took his seat in an armchair cov- 
 ered with flowers, in front of the table upon which 
 the tree stood, and, as I gazed at him, he really 
 
 [189]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 looked splendid almost as presentable as a church- 
 warden ! 
 
 Thereupon I opened the door and surprised them 
 with the lighted tree and Dr. Wrenzchen. They had 
 not expected this, and Emmi cried out at once: 
 "There he is!" and flew to him, and we others all 
 rejoiced over the two young people who had plighted 
 their troth, and over whom the Christmas-tree was 
 shedding its light. But the girl's eyes sparkled with 
 something brighter and more brilliant than the light 
 of the candles. It was love. Carl went up to Dr. 
 Wrenzchen, held out his right hand to him, which 
 the doctor took heartily, and said: "This is your 
 first Christmas Eve in our family, which will hence- 
 forth be yours too, dear Dr. Wrenzchen. May this 
 kindly festival draw the bond between us closer still. 
 Let us be one in joy and one in sorrow. We now 
 belong to one another." 
 
 I was quite upset at hearing my Carl speak like 
 this, but did not allow any one to notice it, and said : 
 "Now, let us see what Father Christmas has 
 brought." Things of all kinds were discovered. 
 The doctor was delighted with his well-piled-up 
 table. I was, however, annoyed at one present which 
 Uncle Fritz had put upon it without my knowledge 
 namely, an elegant skat-block with the motto 
 "Who stakes'?" Fritz's present to me was a dra- 
 matic piece entitled "Receipt against Mothers-in- 
 [190]
 
 STRANGE DOINGS 
 
 law," which I at once laid aside. Emmi got from 
 him a miniature tramcar, which did not vex her at 
 all. The doctor too had exerted himself, and sur- 
 prised Emmi with a splendid chain and locket con- 
 taining his photograph ; in fact, I had to take him to 
 task a little for his extravagance ; but he replied that 
 the things would, of course, keep their value. 
 
 We toasted away, so to say, reverently. Uncle 
 Fritz, however, did not cease with his joking, and 
 several times looked at his watch, exclaiming: "Doc- 
 tor, if you want to 'catch a salmon,' you'd better 
 be off!" Dr. Wrenzchen, however, maintained that 
 he couldn't get away, as his bride was holding him 
 so firmly by the hand. How nice it sounded to hear 
 him call Emmi his bride ! It is, after all, the great- 
 est reward a mother can have when all her cares, all 
 her love, all her training and the many expenses are 
 crowned by the wedding wreath. If Dr. Wrenzchen 
 loves Emmi truly, with his whole heart, he is sure 
 to give up card-playing, and even the most cautious 
 betting. I, for my part, shall not cease working to- 
 wards his improvement. 
 
 A few days after their formal betrothal, the young 
 people told me that they had made up their minds 
 not to put off their wedding to any very distant day. 
 "Why such hurry ?" I asked. "Courting-time is such 
 a happy time that it would be wrong to shorten it. 
 Does it not give young people leisure for getting to
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 know each other properly*? Does it not give the 
 bridegroom the opportunity of proving himself at- 
 tentive to his bride *? And then there are many prep- 
 arations to make that the new household may look 
 as if things had come fresh from the warehouse." 
 Dr. Wrenzchen, however, declared that he person- 
 ally objected to any fuss, and that his practice did 
 not leave him time for any superfluous love-making. 
 
 "Dear son-in-law," said I in reply, "to make one- 
 self agreeable to a fellow-creature is never superflu- 
 ous, especially when circumstances draw them into 
 close relationship with each other. I, for my part, 
 claim no further consideration, beyond that which 
 can and ought to be demanded by any mother-in-law 
 who has the welfare of her daughter at heart." To 
 this the doctor replied, that he had great regard for 
 me, and would gladly do as I wished in all reason- 
 able things, but that in all other matters his will 
 would have to be regarded as decisive. That it was 
 his wish also to make Emmi happy, but not accord- 
 ing to the prescriptions of other people, and not at 
 the cost of his own personal freedom. I knew, of 
 course, that by "other people," he meant only me, 
 but I controlled myself and said : "Very well, then, 
 let it be as you like, but I will not have the outfit 
 got in too great a hurry. I'm the mother there." 
 
 Such hurry I detested, but then everything now- 
 adays goes at galloping speed. 
 [192]
 
 STRANGE DOINGS 
 
 The doctor lives very comfortably, but the house 
 is an old one, and he hasn't got a sufficient number 
 of rooms. He needs a waiting-room and a consult- 
 ing-room for professional purposes alone. Where 
 then was the best room to be? This naturally led 
 to disputes between us. He considered that when 
 he was not using his consulting-room, his wife could 
 make herself as comfortable as she liked, either in 
 the consulting-room or in his study. That is a very 
 pretty supposition, thought I, and maintained that 
 it would be necessary for him to rent the upper floor 
 as well. His reply was that he had absolutely no 
 wish to work himself to death for the landlord. The 
 upper floor was not likely to run away, and could be 
 had at some future day. "But what about the best 
 sitting-room?" cried I in dismay. "What," he 
 asked, "do we want with a room to show off a lot of 
 furniture? Show-rooms that are used but once in a 
 year on festive occasions are a stupid piece of lux- 
 ury for the middle classes. The family pokes about 
 in back rooms to make place for a furniture shop in 
 front, that exists only to make work for scrubbing 
 and cleaning. I'm not going to join in any such tom- 
 foolery." "If you mean to turn the world upside 
 down, I suppose we shall have to submit," I replied 
 sharply; but I did not urge him further, as the civil 
 court had not yet uttered its final word. I quietly 
 promised myself, however, to have my own way 
 
 [193]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 when once the doctor had been firmly tied. There is 
 so much uncertainty about engagements nowadays, 
 that one cannot breathe freely till the civil court 
 and the Church have done their part. I am for both, 
 as things are made doubly secure. 
 
 Nor would the doctor listen to my proposal that 
 he should move to another house. "My patients 
 know where to find me," he said, "and, believe me, 
 it is very difficult for a young medical man to get a 
 practice in Berlin; there are close upon fifteen^ hun- 
 dred doctors in the town." "That's positively 
 frightening," I exclaimed. "How can they all ex- 
 pect to exist"? Is there enough ill-health for them 
 all to make a living out of it? Berlin, truly, is 
 enough to make one's hair stand on end." When I 
 heard what competition there was, I no longer 
 dreamt of persuading him to change his abode. One 
 need thank God for allowing people to get ill; and 
 if Heaven shows an interest in the doctors and pro- 
 vides for the sick folk, it would be downright wicked 
 for others to make it difficult for patients to find the 
 doctors. 
 
 Still, newly furnished the house would have to be, 
 orderly though it is; for, however nice a bachelor 
 may have had his abode, it's a very different thing 
 when a wife comes into the house. "Dear doctor," 
 said I one day, "the furnishing will be our business, 
 simple but substantial; or do you like the modern 
 [194]
 
 STRANGE DOINGS 
 
 fashionable style of things better?" He replied that 
 the stylish furniture seemed made more for being 
 looked at than for use, but that he should like the 
 dining-room after the present fashion, although oth- 
 erwise he certainly preferred the comfort of the old 
 style. And as regards bedsteads he liked genuine 
 carpenter's work to all the new-fangled substitutes. 
 "You may make your mind easy about them," I re- 
 plied, "the beds shall be an abode in themselves. 
 I shall have them made expressly, for, to my mind, 
 ready-made things are not to be depended upon. I 
 remember a brand-new bedstead breaking down with 
 me once when we had a trip out to Biesenthal and 
 we remained there overnight." He expressed his 
 regret that this should ever have happened to me, 
 and added that he anticipated the best possible ar- 
 rangement in all the household matters from one so 
 experienced as myself, more especially as regards 
 the kitchen utensils, of which he had no knowledge 
 whatever. 
 
 "But where shall the sideboard be placed?" said 
 I, when we were looking over his rooms with a view 
 to the new furnishing. "I think if we were to move 
 that bookcase up to the loft we should obtain a suit- 
 able place." "My books I cannot part with," he 
 explained. I took out one of the old volumes just 
 to show him how much space they ran away with, 
 and in doing so opened the book. "Doctor," I cried 
 
 [195]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 out, when sufficiently recovered from my horror, 
 "what do you want books for with pictures of hu- 
 man beings with their skins stripped off 1 ? As far as 
 I know no doctor ever strips the skin off people, and 
 you have long since passed your examinations. Why 
 need such hideous books be in the room where Emmi 
 will be when you are out? Think what it would be 
 if the child were accidentally to get this book into 
 her hands. It might be the death of her. Those 
 medical books must go up to the loft." He main- 
 tained that Emmi would soon get accustomed to the 
 books. "Never!" said I. He was annoyed at this, 
 and answered sharply: "I know better; the books- 1 
 require, and they shall remain where they are!" 
 "As you like," said I, and took up my bonnet and 
 shawl. "A pretty serpent I have taken to my 
 bosom/* thought I to myself. "But patience, my 
 good doctor. No best room, and all those abomina- 
 ble books about, it would indeed be too delightful !" 
 And there at home sat Emmi, radiant with joy, 
 sewing at her trousseau. "If only you knew what is 
 awaiting you, you poor child," sighed I to myself. 
 "But be not troubled; you have a mother who will 
 protect her young like a lioness. As soon as the time 
 comes, I know where the books will be put !" 
 
 [196]
 
 CHAPTER XVI 
 
 THE LAST PARTY BEFORE THE WEDDING, AND 
 REFLECTIONS ON MOLOCH 
 
 WHEN I was a little girl we had of course been 
 taught at school about Moloch; but in those 
 innocent days, when I was only between six and 
 seven years old, naturally I could not imagine the 
 feelings of those mothers who had to place their 
 little darlings as sacrifices into the red-hot arms of 
 the coke-heated monster, great as were the efforts 
 our master made to arouse our horror of the false 
 gods. Now, however, as the day draws nearer upon 
 which I the passive mother of the bride shall 
 have to hand over my sweet Emmi to the doctor, 
 I begin to understand about Moloch. A bridegroom 
 does indeed always promise to cherish his intended, 
 and to take her future into his hands; but what sort 
 of hands are they? Moloch's claws! 
 
 One day lately we had our last reading at the Po- 
 lice-lieutenant's house. These evenings have been 
 
 [197]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 so enjoyable, and especially improving to the mind, 
 for when we were all sitting round the large table 
 reading a classic piece, each taking a part, we al- 
 ways felt the grandeur of our poets, more so even 
 than when we had seen the pieces played on the 
 stage; for it will be found that critics are unani- 
 mously agreed in thinking that actors are never suf- 
 ficiently imbued with the spirit of classicism. Of 
 course gentlemen had been quite excluded from these 
 meetings; had they been admitted other interests 
 would immediately have arisen, and the whole thing 
 would probably have ended in an impromptu dance. 
 Without gentlemen, on the other hand, one feels the 
 influence of the author's genius, and culture flows in 
 an undiluted stream into the youthful minds. We 
 elderly ladies took the lovers' parts by way of pre- 
 caution. 
 
 "You hear, Emmi," I said, "how kindly the Po- 
 lice-lieutenant's wife has acted towards you. Have 
 you thanked her for having made that excellent pud- 
 ding specially for you?" Emmi was quite touched 
 and replied that the Police-lieutenant's wife had al- 
 ways been extremely kind to her ; that she did not at 
 all know how she could ever make her any proper 
 return. "Keep us in loving remembrance," was her 
 reply; "your new surroundings will be only too likely 
 to separate you from your old friends." How right 
 she was ! 
 
 [198]
 
 BEFORE THE WEDDING 
 
 Two of the young ladies now rose and fetched 
 something from the next room, rolled up in tissue 
 paper, and placed it on the table with much solem- 
 nity. The elder of the two Amanda Kulecke, the 
 girl that Uncle Fritz used to rave about then made 
 a short speech in which she said that games and 
 dancing would soon come to an end for Emmi. But 
 whatever shape the future might take, however much 
 of joy or sorrow might be concealed in its horn of 
 plenty, the realm of the ideal would now be revealed 
 to her, a realm which Schiller had opened up to her 
 and which had become so wholly her own at these 
 evening readings. In remembrance of the hours that 
 had been dedicated to these higher thoughts, her 
 friends now wished to offer Emmi a small parting 
 gift. With these words the tissue paper was re- 
 moved, and there stood a pretty little bust of Schil- 
 ler, with a touch of verdigris about his hair, standing 
 on a black pedestal, on the one side of which was 
 attached a thermometer; the gift therefore might 
 stand on a writing-desk and be of practical use as 
 well. Amanda wound up her little speech with the 
 words: "Es priife was sick ewig bindet" (Prove 
 ye each other well, who would be joined for aye), 
 and then flew into Emmi's arms and kissed her. All 
 the others too came and kissed her amid tears, and 
 Emmi herself was quite overcome. 
 
 Scenes like this had been recurring constantly lat- 
 
 [199]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 terly, not only at the reading-parties, but also at their 
 Holbein Society, where the girls met to do embroi- 
 dery in the Old German style, also at their Saturday 
 Meetings for English Conversation, and the many 
 other little undertakings the girls pursued for im- 
 proving themselves in things of which we older peo- 
 ple never dreamt in our young days. 
 
 It was but natural that we should want to have 
 our revenge, for one doesn't dine or sup with other 
 people without giving them something in return. So 
 I said to Emmi : "Let all of your friends be invited 
 to a splendid coffee-party, it will be the last one I 
 shall give in your honour." She asked if Dr. Wrenz- 
 chen might be asked also. "That would be a pretty 
 thing," I exclaimed, "one gentleman cannot surely 
 be asked to join a ladies' coffee-party!" She said 
 that if the doctor couldn't be asked, she didn't care 
 a bit to have a party. She said it would have been 
 so nice to show him to her friends, and it could quite 
 well be done, if the brothers and their friends were 
 allowed to come and fetch their sisters home. "But 
 supposing some have no brothers, like Amanda Ku- 
 lecke*?" said I. "Then we will get Uncle Fritz to 
 bring Herr Kleines, and he can accompany Amanda 
 home, as far as the Biilow Strasse." 
 
 In my time it was the custom for the bride's 
 friends to come shortly before the wedding-day and 
 to help in sewing the wedding-dress. Every one put 
 [200]
 
 BEFORE THE WEDDING 
 
 in a few stitches at the hem, or wherever else any- 
 thing remained to be done. This they did to show 
 their affection, and I think the old custom a very nice 
 one, for there clings to the dress, afterwards, the 
 thought that friends helped to make it, and it is also 
 the last loving service rendered by the companions 
 of the circle she is about to leave; yet the good old 
 custom does certainly most painfully remind one of 
 the preparation for the sacrifice. 
 
 When I expressed these views of mine to Carl, he 
 found fault with me and said, I rummaged too much 
 about in my feelings; that my duty was to see that 
 the little festival went off cheerfully. But a father 
 is never a mother, and what can he knew of Moloch"? 
 
 I must admit that on the afternoon when all the 
 young girls had assembled, the sight was an exceed- 
 ingly pretty one. Chairs had been placed in a semi- 
 circle in the middle of the room, facing the window, 
 and there sat all those who were at the moment en- 
 gaged with the wedding-dress, which in its snowy 
 whiteness lay in their midst like a soft cloud. The 
 other girls were sitting about just as they pleased 
 and busy with some kind of handiwork, and were 
 chatting away merrily to their hearts' content. I 
 went about among them with the coffee-pot and cake- 
 plate. How pleasant a sight it is to see such bloom- 
 ing young creatures in loving companionship with 
 one another! One feels as if one were walking in 
 
 [201]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 a shady wood in spring-time, with the sun shining 
 upon the tender young leaves, and little birds twit- 
 tering and singing in and out among the branches. 
 I forgot altogether that I had reached a sedater age, 
 and found myself joining in the girls' fun, and jok- 
 ing and laughing as if I had been one of them my- 
 self. And how affectionate they were to Emmi! 
 One of them always had her arm round her waist, 
 sometimes even two at a time were doing this, and 
 kept kissing and looking up at her as though they 
 had been her sisters. "Just like turtle-doves," said 
 I to myself; "and down into this charming dovecot 
 swoop the hawks and disturb its peace !" 
 
 The doctor had, it is true, sent a beautiful almond 
 cake for "those who worked at the bride's dress;" 
 but my eyes are not to be blinded by cakes; I see 
 beyond, and know well enough that he is an egoist, 
 otherwise he would not oppose me in so many things 
 that I consider indispensable for my child's welfare. 
 He won't even take a wedding-trip, because, as he 
 says, his patients cannot be left. Rubbish ! 
 
 When the dress was finished it had, of course, to 
 be tried on. Nay, but how bewitching Emmi did 
 look as she came into the room, conscious of looking 
 well, and beaming with joyful excitement; it sur- 
 passed all conception, and could only be painted! 
 None of the girls ventured to go very near her, but 
 gazed at her in silent admiration from a distance. 
 [202]
 
 BEFORE THE WEDDING 
 
 Betti alone clasped her in her arms and bent her 
 head mournfully upon her sister's cheek. 
 
 Could she be thinking of Emil Bergfeldt? I 
 hardly liked to ask myself the question; but if any 
 of that family had come within my reach at the mo- 
 ment, something would assuredly have happened. 
 
 Betti has strength of character, and raising hec 
 head, said to the other young girls: "Does not my 
 darling sister look sweet ?" The others then be- 
 gan to praise the dress and to declare it angelic. 
 However, it was not the dress that made the angelic 
 impression, it was Emmi's own self. She was as 
 beautiful as all the rest put together, and even a lit- 
 tle lovelier still ! 
 
 Just as twilight was setting in, the doctor came. 
 Emmi, who had long since taken off her wedding- 
 dress, looked radiantly happy as they walked arm- 
 in-arm from one group of her friends to another, and 
 I must say the doctor stood the ordeal of being sub- 
 jected to the critical gaze of a number of girls very 
 well ; still it was easy to see that they had nothing to 
 find fault with in him. Amanda Kulecke, however, 
 said aloud, that a doctor would not be her choice, for 
 when patients sent for him he would have to be off, 
 and it was half stuff and nonsense. 
 
 My answer to this remark of hers was that to help 
 suffering people was a very noble profession, and 
 
 [203]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 in any case better than poisoning people. That was 
 one for her for the Kuleckes are distillers. 
 
 Later in the evening Uncle Fritz, Herr Kleines 
 and a number of young men came, related to the girls 
 either as brothers or cousins. Games were played till 
 supper was ready, and the doctor had to pay most 
 forfeits as he was always engrossed with Emmi and 
 not paying attention to the game. How delighted 
 we all were when he was called upon to do extraor- 
 dinary things to redeem his forfeits, and how hot 
 he got when he had "to fall into the well," and to be 
 on his knees till Emmi released him! It was too 
 funny. Herr Kleines, who was for ever proposing 
 something with kissing, was, at last, not asked again. 
 He really seems, sometimes, not to know where he is 
 amusing as he can be at other times. 
 
 After supper the dancing began. Uncle Fritz had 
 sent us crackers with costumes in tissue paper, and 
 contrived that Dr. Wrenzchen got a hat the shape 
 of a huge slipper,* at which even Carl was greatly 
 amused. The doctor enjoyed the joke himself, but 
 said it was only external. I fear, however, he will 
 not give in to her much; and, when he has made 
 the girl unhappy, will again merely declare that it's 
 only external ! 
 
 When all had gone, and my daughters had re- 
 
 * Den Mann unter dent Pantoffel haben (To have a husband 
 under one's slipper) is the German proverbial expression for a 
 wife having the upper-hand. 
 
 [204]
 
 BEFORE THE WEDDING 
 
 tired to bed, Carl, Uncle Fritz and I remained up a 
 little while. Carl declared he liked the doctor better 
 every day, and that he had been specially pleased to 
 see him to-day joining so merrily in the innocent 
 mirth of the party of young girls. "He and inno- 
 cent mirth!" I exclaimed. "I can't comprehend 
 your aversion to the doctor, Wilhelmine," said Uncle 
 Fritz; "you used in every possible way to try and 
 catch him." "Because I didn't know what he was," 
 I replied. "Wait till the Moloch is heated and then 
 see!" "I don't understand you, Wilhelmine you 
 are quite foolish," said my Carl. "I foolish ! Not 
 I. But neither of you care a bit whether I am made 
 a sacrifice as well as Emmi. Not till I'm buried in 
 my grave will you discover what I have been to you. 
 You will see then that that Dr. Wrenzchen will rub 
 his eyes externally with onions and internally rejoice 
 that I'm gone. But good-night. You'll both see 
 soon enough what will be the end of it all."
 
 CHAPTER XVII 
 
 THE WEDDING OF THE DOCTOR AND EMMI, AND THE 
 TRAGEDY OF A PERFUME 
 
 WHY did you not come to the wedding of my 
 youngest daughter with Dr. Wrenzchen? 
 It is a pity you were not there, for I am convinced 
 you would have been pleased, although, for my own 
 part, I hadn't much pleasure out of it, for a bride's 
 mother, in fact, can never be pleased. She may smile 
 and look uncommonly happy in her new Bordeaux 
 silk with real lace, she may even declare that she 
 is quite content; but inwardly she has her thorns and 
 thistles. 
 
 And what a trouble it is before one gets all ready ! 
 First there's the re-furnishing of the house for the 
 young couple. There would be absolutely no diffi- 
 culty about such a thing, if only the doctor would 
 be agreeable, and allow a careful mother-in-law her 
 way, when he knows she is sure to act for his good. 
 But when he proves obstinate, and is for ever put- 
 
 [206]
 
 THE TRAGEDY OF A PERFUME 
 
 ting in his word, and objecting to the most neces- 
 sary articles, simply because he fancies that a din- 
 ing-table for twenty-four persons is a luxury, and 
 that there is no space for a lady's writing-desk 
 then, naturally, there is vexation about every article. 
 I do admit that Dr. Wrenzchen's rooms are now a lit- 
 tle closely packed with the new furniture, but then 
 he ought to think of the rooms he will have to have 
 later; but this just to spite me he won't do. And 
 no best room ! I never heard of such a thing ! 
 
 The largest room he insists upon having made the 
 bed-room, for hygienic reasons. That is again a new- 
 fangled piece of nonsense ! We have all grown up 
 without hygiene. 
 
 I had to give in to him, of course, but still could 
 not refrain from saying: "Dear doctor, I can only 
 wish that you may be happy with your new-fash- 
 ioned notions. As regards my daughter, she knows 
 that her parents' old-fashioned house will always be 
 open to her, even after eleven o'clock at night." 
 
 He muttered something at this that I couldn't un- 
 derstand. It's a blessing, I believe, that he did no 
 more than mutter, for patience is a barrel with but 
 a very thin bottom. I had also hoped that he might 
 still decide to take a wedding-trip ; but, when I gave 
 him to understand that even cooks, when they got 
 married, went at least as far as Bernau or Biesenthal, 
 he would promise nothing, and maintained that his 
 
 [207]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 practice would not allow of his making any trip, 
 for he had one patient seriously ill whom he could 
 not leave, and whom it was a matter of pride with 
 him to bring round. To this also I had to give in, 
 but did so somewhat snappishly. 
 
 Then there were the invitations to the wedding 
 to send out. Who was to be asked and who was 
 not*? He has his own circle of friends, and we ours. 
 If my Carl had not made the sensible remark, "Let 
 us rather send out a few invitations too many, than 
 give people offence," I believe we should still be de- 
 liberating about one person and another; so his 
 eleven medical friends were allowed to pass. One 
 needs dancing men, to be sure. 
 
 The wedding morning came at last; to many, very 
 many, it was an ordinary work day, to me a day of 
 anguish, and to my child a day of joy. Emmi was 
 all happiness. When she came to bid me good-morn- 
 ing, and threw her arms round me, and kissed me, 
 her eyes beaming with a blissful look of faith as if 
 the future were to be one long day of brightness and 
 light, and the way along which she was to wander 
 with Dr. Wrenzchen a smooth, soft pathway, from 
 which busy little angels had swept away every dis- 
 comfort then even I too, for a moment, thought it 
 could not be otherwise than well for her. But such 
 thoughts are mere hopes powdered sugar to the rhu- 
 barb of human life. 
 
 [208]
 
 THE TRAGEDY OF A PERFUME 
 
 At one o'clock Dr. Wrenzchen came with his 
 friend Dr. Paber, who was to be one of the witnesses, 
 and fetched Emmi to go to the Registrar's office. 
 My Carl and Uncle Fritz were to act as witnesses 
 also, and accompanied the others. I did not go, 
 as I had important matters to attend to. 
 
 Was the child to enter her new life without any 
 poetic accompaniment whatever? No! there must 
 be some compensation to her for the wedding-trip 
 which had to be given up; and this I meant to ac- 
 complish by secretly decorating Dr. Wrenzchen's 
 house with flowers. The happy thought had origi- 
 nated with Augusta Weigelt, and the good creature 
 helped me in decorating the house, while Emmi was 
 being legally conveyed to the doctor by the heartless 
 officials of the State. Round the banisters and door- 
 ways we wound wreaths of green. The sitting-room 
 we turned into a regular flower-garden, and their 
 bedroom became a perfect palm-house. It all looked 
 wonderfully beautiful, and Augusta declared she had 
 never seen anything so exquisite in all her life. The 
 counterpanes looked as fresh and bright as newly- 
 fallen snow, and literally shone through the green 
 plants that we had raised in the form of a pyramid 
 in front of the beds. "When the lamp is lit the ef- 
 fect will be like something out of the 'Arabian 
 Nights'!" said I. 
 
 209]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 "Just like fairy-land," Augusta declared, "if only 
 the pots hadn't the musty smell of a hot-house." 
 
 "I tell you what, Augusta," I cried, "run quickly 
 round to the perfume shop, and fetch me a bottle of 
 essence of orange-blossom, we will sprinkle the plants 
 with it, and when the two enter the room they will 
 fancy themselves in Nice. I remember well, in Italy, 
 how enchanting the scent of the orange-blossoms 
 was." 
 
 The idea pleased Augusta immensely; I gave her 
 money, and off she ran. 
 
 While she was away I looked carefully round to 
 see that nothing was wanting about the house. It 
 was a perfect doll's house, everything looked so ex- 
 ceedingly trim and neat. There was even a brand- 
 new boot-jack; I had asked Uncle Fritz to get it. 
 
 Augusta had hurried, and we now quickly sprin- 
 kled the essence about, and then left. For there was 
 to be a simple luncheon at our house, as the ceremony 
 was not to take place till four o'clock, and the mar- 
 riage feast was tc be held in the Englisches Ha.us at 
 five. 
 
 The luncheon went off very pleasantly. Dr. Pa- 
 ber proposed the welcome toast of health and happi- 
 ness to the young couple, in which we all heartily 
 joined, and then conversed till it was time to dress. 
 
 Meanwhile all sorts of wedding presents had been 
 coming in : a number of useful things, and also many 
 [210]
 
 THE TRAGEDY OF A PERFUME 
 
 that were useless; for instance, two champagne-cool- 
 ers, as Dr. Wrenzchen rather objects to buying his 
 champagne; the eleven doctors gave two very hand- 
 some silver candlesticks; Heir Kleines' present was 
 a glass globe with gold fish, which, I know, Emmi 
 cannot bear. Uncle Fritz advised her to cook the 
 fish green, and to use the bowl for bottling plums. 
 The Police-lieutenant's wife sent a magnificent bridal 
 bouquet of myrtle and orange-blossoms, just as the 
 couple were starting off in the bride's carriage. 
 
 How charming the two looked in the elegant 
 equipage ! Emmi, in her white dress and gauzy veil, 
 and the green wreath in her golden fair hair, looked 
 as lovely as only a bride can look on her wedding- 
 day; and the doctor so spruce and neat, brand-new 
 from top to toe, looked as solemn as a newly-bound 
 hymn-book. There was really nothing to find fault 
 with in him, everything sat well upon him. 
 
 Then the bridesmaids and their bouquets, and the 
 many other ladies in elegant toilettes, and the gen- 
 tlemen all in ball-costume it was a silent splen- 
 dour ! I had never imagined that the scene would be 
 as gorgeous. All the Landsbergerstrasse had their 
 heads out of the windows when we drove off to 
 church. 
 
 When the two were standing at the altar I felt 
 greatly affected. For a mother, after all, thinks of 
 the future. Would Dr. Wrenzchen always be as 
 
 [211]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 good to Emmi as my Carl had been to me"? And 
 what if they did not agree, and happiness forsook 
 them? What then? What then? 
 
 When their rings were being exchanged and the 
 clergyman joined their hands, the sun streamed in 
 sideways through the window and threw its golden 
 light upon the two young people. The organ rolled 
 forth its rich tones through the large body of the 
 church, as if rejoicing in their happiness and joy. 
 I too felt in some measure comforted, and thought: 
 "The good God will watch over them; and in other 
 things, Wilhelmine, you will yourself see that all's 
 as it should be." 
 
 The congratulating then began; and what a lot 
 of kissing and shaking of hands there was, amid sun- 
 shine and music from the organ ! 
 
 When we were about to drive back, Emmi came 
 up to me and whispered : "Mamma, please take my 
 bouquet and let me have yours." "Why, Emmi?" 
 "Mine is almost all orange-blossoms." "Yes; 
 but . . ." "Don't you remember that Franz can- 
 not bear the smell; it gives him headache?" 
 
 I stood there like one petrified, long after they had 
 driven off. "Good heavens," thought I, "and we 
 have sprinkled all those plants with essence of or- 
 ange-blossoms !" "Augusta," I cried, "Augusta, we 
 must go and air the room !" 
 
 How I got to the Englishes Haus, where the wed- 
 [212]
 
 THE TRAGEDY OF A PERFUME 
 
 ding feast was to be, I don't remember. I was for 
 ever, in imagination, throwing open the windows in 
 Dr. Wrenzchen's house; my mind refused to soar 
 beyond this. At last we were all seated round the 
 table eating and drinking. Every one seemed to 
 enjoy what was set before them, and as the day was 
 pretty warm the repast was washed down freely and 
 merrily, as became the festive occasion. I was the 
 only one who could not join in the general merri- 
 ment, and took but little of the many dishes that 
 went round, and did this only to see what the peo- 
 ple had provided for us. To eat much was out of 
 the question. 
 
 I had an excellent place. Old Herr Wrenzchen 
 took me in to dinner, and my Carl took Franz's 
 mother. She is a gentle kindly soul, and thinks no 
 end of him. She told me many things about his boy- 
 hood how he had worked his way quickly through 
 the Gymnasium, and had always brought home the 
 best testimonials, and that later at the University 
 he had been steady and industrious, yet was of a 
 cheerful and frank disposition. All this I was most 
 glad to hear, but could not help thinking to myself, 
 Of what use in married life are the best testimonials 
 from school, and the most praiseworthy steadiness 
 at the University*? Things are often very different 
 later. 
 
 Emmi and the doctor looked charming side by side 
 
 [213]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 behind the large bouquets which had been placed on 
 the table in their honour; but whenever I looked at 
 the flowers they seemed to strike me to the heart, for 
 they reminded me of the essence of orange-blossom 
 I had sprinkled about the bedroom. Augusta the 
 good soul ! assured me, it is true, that all the win- 
 dows had been opened as wide as possible, and that 
 the smell had almost vanished already, still I could 
 not rid myself of an inward feeling of uneasiness. 
 It had, indeed, occurred to me to get the gardener 
 to remove all the green, but that couldn't be. 
 What would the neighbours have thought of such 
 doings'? The plants had been hired for a week, and 
 I had settled the amount in advance. 
 
 The table really looked perfectly delightful. First 
 of all, there were the eleven doctors whose superior 
 culture might be recognised even at a distance; be- 
 tween them, alternately, was a young, or at least, a 
 youngish lady; then there was also the Police-lieu- 
 tenant in his Sunday uniform, in which he looked 
 very fine; and we others. Herr Weigelt had on a 
 coat of wondrous shape, it is true, and Augusta had 
 made his white necktie a little too blue for she 
 washes the small things in a hand-basin but he was 
 so utterly happy and smiled away so pleasantly to 
 himself, that his outward appearance did not seem 
 to matter. And he hadn't, of course, as much money 
 to spend on it as some people. Uncle Fritz, on 
 [214]
 
 THE TRAGEDY OF A PERFUME 
 
 the other hand, was spruce from top to toe ; his tail- 
 coat of the latest fashion, and patent leather boots on 
 for the first time. 
 
 There was another engagement I would gladly 
 have heard announced, but there was no chance of it. 
 I had sent Herr Felix an express invitation in a very 
 long letter, but he declined nevertheless. I could 
 not account for this. When I told Betti of Herr 
 Felix having declined my invitation she did not, in- 
 deed, say anything, but I noticed her change colour, 
 and become pale, deadly pale, which quite frightened 
 me. Still she recovered herself almost directly, and 
 attempted to smile. But she went off to her own 
 room and busied herself among her possessions, and 
 then returned looking as usual. What can be the 
 matter with him"? 
 
 A number of very good speeches were made, both 
 serious and merry, and others that were nothing at 
 all, because the speakers always wandered from the 
 point they were aiming at. Dr. Paber, who spoke 
 in the name of his colleagues, ended his speech by 
 saying that they all hoped Dr. Wrenzchen would 
 not forget his old friends in his newly-found happi- 
 ness, and referred specially to their pleasant scien- 
 tific evening-meetings. Dr. Wrenzchen replied and 
 promised always greatly to value the friendships he 
 had made at school and the University; and added 
 that he felt sure his wife would be glad to see him
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 furthering the interests of science in the company of 
 his colleagues. And this he coolly proclaimed be- 
 fore all the assembled guests. I know what that sci- 
 ence is. Skat) that's its name! But this comes 
 of school and University doings. Will his good 
 testimonials make Emmi happy when he goes off to 
 a restaurant, and she is left alone at home *? Never ! 
 
 I was glad when the dinner was over. While the 
 table was being cleared, we had coffee in the adjoin- 
 ing room, and then the dancing commenced. 
 
 The ball was opened by Emmi and Dr. Wrenz- 
 chen, then came the eleven doctors, with the brides- 
 maids and other young ladies. Uncle Fritz had ar- 
 ranged this because, as he said, he wanted to see a 
 dozen doctors dancing one after the other. Truly it 
 was a sight rarely to be seen! 
 
 We elderly folk, of course, took part in the danc- 
 ing also. My Carl and I danced a solemn valse in 
 remembrance of our own wedding-day, "Carl," 
 said I, "we have both become a little weightier than 
 we were then." "Yet as happy as ever," he replied. 
 I was silent. Could I tell him of all my sorrow? 
 No, it would have been cruel. "Woman," thought 
 I, "is born to suffer and to endure." 
 
 It must be admitted that the eleven doctors added 
 greatly to the success of the evening. The later it 
 got, the more they threw off the serious demeanour 
 of the profession, and entered into the fun as if they
 
 THE TRAGEDY OF A PERFUME 
 
 had been a set of merry students. How well, too, 
 they understood how to amuse the ladies! But a 
 learned man always understands more about the 
 weather and the theatre. And they were all such 
 good dancers too; I had to have a duty-dance with 
 every one of them. 
 
 When the night was pretty well advanced, the 
 doctor wanted to be off. "Emmi is enjoying herself 
 so," said I, and begged him to remain, at least till 
 the cotillon was finished. Every moment was pre- 
 cious to me on account of the airing of the room; and 
 he gave way. 
 
 Then, however, came Herr Weigelt's mishap. He 
 cannot stand anything, it is true, but why need he 
 always be asking the prettiest young girls to dance 
 with him? And so it happened that he fell rather 
 awkwardly with the Police-lieutenant's daughter 
 Mila, and was rebuked by her father. He did not 
 take the reprimand quietly, but made all sorts of re- 
 marks, and then danced off again. Later, when he 
 showed himself rather too affectionate, Uncle Fritz 
 took him by the arm and led him away to the gentle- 
 men's room, where there was good red wine, punch 
 and a special brew. What they did with the unfor- 
 tunate creature I don't know, but certainly he was 
 in a pitiable state when Augusta, in her anxiety, 
 fetched me to him. He had collapsed altogether, and 
 was calling himself an unnatural father to have left
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 his child at home to join in such revelry. He de- 
 clared they had better bury him at once, and asked 
 Augusta if she could forgive him. Thank God, there 
 were eleven doctors at hand! The one prescribed 
 ice, the other black coffee, the third a glass of beer, 
 the fourth sal-volatile, and the fifth something else. 
 But Herr Weigelt would not let any one of them 
 go near him. In her despair, Augusta went and 
 dragged in my son-in-law, and Weigelt seemed to be 
 willing to trust him. When Dr. Wrenzchen wanted 
 to be off again, Weigelt whimpered and implored him 
 to stay, and caught tight hold of him. It had be- 
 come high time for the young couple to leave, for 
 several of the guests had already taken their depar- 
 ture. What was to be done"? 
 
 Yet what is my son-in-law a doctor for, and what 
 are the eleven other doctors for*? "Has any one of 
 my colleagues a morphia-syringe by him*?" asked 
 Dr. Wrenzchen. Luckily half-a-dozen were at 
 hand. Thereupon Herr Weigelt was operated upon, 
 and ten minutes afterwards he was so totally uncon- 
 scious that he could be transported home, by cab, 
 like a helpless parcel, accompanied by two doctors. 
 It must be a horrible sight to have any one brought 
 home in such a condition. 
 
 When the young couple left, morning was already 
 beginning to dawn, for they were almost the last to 
 leave. Carl declared, that night, as he was settling 
 [318]
 
 THE TRAGEDY OF A PERFUME 
 
 to sleep, that the wedding had been a very jolly 
 one. Jolly, indeed! Perhaps for some people, but 
 not for me. I saw the sun rise before falling into 
 a kind of doze, which, however, did not last long, 
 for anxiety woke me up again pretty speedily. 
 
 At about nine o'clock, next morning, I started off 
 to Emmi. It was impossible for me to stay at home 
 any longer, for I had the feeling that something 
 dreadful had happened. And so there had. My 
 presentiments have never deceived me yet! 
 
 I rang the bell, and when the servant-girl opened 
 the door I saw at once that something was wrong; 
 for when I asked her whether I could see her master 
 and mistress, she replied in a long-drawn "Oh, yes. 
 Frau Doctorin is upstairs." Alone, thought I, as 
 I went up. How horrified I was when I saw the 
 child. My goodness! There she sat on the sofa, 
 still in her ball-dress, crying; it was enough to break 
 one's heart to look at her. "My child ! Emmi !" I 
 cried "whatever is the matter?" "Oh, Mamma, I 
 am the most miserable creature in the world!" 
 "What! Has he been striking you?" "Who?" 
 "Who, but your husband, the hypocrite!" "Mam- 
 ma, not a word against Franz; he is goodness itself. 
 Anything you say to offend him is to offend me." 
 She said this in a very determined way, and ceased 
 crying. "But, child, tell me what's the matter!" 
 "It's all your fault, and yours only," she exclaimed. 
 
 [219]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 "What next, I wonder ! My fault! Mine! What 
 have I done? Is this all the thanks I get for dec- 
 orating your house so poetically*?" "I know you 
 did not mean any harm," said Emmi reproachfully, 
 "but why did you pour orange-blossom scent over 
 everything?" "Come, tell me all about it what 
 did he say?" "When we came in last night he was 
 delighted with the flowers on the staircase, and took 
 me by the hand and led me into the sitting-room. 
 'This is to be our home, my dear little wife. Hap- 
 piness has stepped over the threshold with us, and 
 we shall manage that it remains with us always/ 
 He drew me towards him and kissed me. Suddenly, 
 however, he asked: 'Where can that odious smell 
 of orange-blossom come from?' We looked about, 
 but could not find out whence it came. At last he 
 discovered that the smell came from the palms in the 
 bedroom." "Was he angry?" "He merely said 
 that you had, no doubt, meant it kindly, but that the 
 plants must be moved." "So you called the ser- 
 vant?" "Of course not; we didn't want her. She 
 would only have made us feel uncomfortable. I 
 helped him, and we dragged the pots out into the cor- 
 ridor. It was very funny, and we had our laugh 
 over it. When we had got them all out, he said it 
 was very nice to have a wife who wasn't afraid to 
 work for. . . .""Well, and what then?" "There 
 was a ring at the door-bell, and he had to go off to 
 [220]
 
 THE TRAGEDY OF A PERFUME 
 
 a patient who was seriously ill." "Well, I hadn't 
 anything to do with that." "He called out as he 
 went away: 'I shall be back as soon as possible.' 
 And I called out to him: 'I will wait up for you.' 
 And I waited and waited, but he did not come; I 
 walked up and down, but he did not come ; I looked 
 out of his study window for him, but he did not 
 come; I sat down, but still he did not come. I be- 
 gan to cry, but checked myself by thinking of the 
 beautiful words the clergyman had said about a doc- 
 tor's profession. I determined to be a true doctor's 
 wife, but it was difficult beyond all measure. In or- 
 der to take my thoughts away from myself I took up 
 a book and turned over the pages." "One of his 
 books?" "Yes, that large one there; and I opened 
 it at a picture of a mutilated human body, and 
 screamed aloud in my horror." "I had told him 
 that he ought to have those abominable books carried 
 up to the loft !" "I began to feel terrified at being 
 alone with those books. Oh, you cannot think what 
 I felt like!" "You poor child! This is really 
 dreadful !" "At half-past six he sent for his instru- 
 ments, with a message for me that he would have 
 to perform an operation when the time came. And 
 he has never yet come back." And with this she 
 again burst into tears. 
 
 After some time I succeeded in consoling her. I 
 helped her to take off her dress and persuaded her 
 
 [221]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 to lie down a little, and as youth cannot do without 
 sleep, she was soon slumbering. 
 
 When she was fast asleep I slipped out of the 
 room, and then examined the bell-pull of the night- 
 bell. It was an ordinary piece of wire. "There is 
 no use waiting till the doctor comes in," thought I; 
 "there would only be a scene again about his not 
 having agreed to a wedding-trip, and about his 
 abominable books." So I took my departure. 
 
 Before I left, however, I fetched a pair of scis- 
 sors from Emmi's work-table, and snipped the wire 
 of the night-bell right through, just below the front 
 door. 
 
 "Now, let them ring !" said I to myself. 
 
 [222]
 
 CHAPTER XVIII 
 
 THE WRENZCHENS' FIRST PARTY AND THE DISAS- 
 TROUS INSUFFICIENCY OF CRAWFISH 
 
 I AM not in the least boastful, but I may say that 
 Emmi has had an education that she needn't 
 be ashamed of. At school she got an insight into the 
 realm of the ideal through the classic writers, and 
 learned botany and drawing also; lessons in fine nee- 
 dlework she had from the widow of an Imperial 
 Councillor, and at home she was taught practical 
 things. And I fancy the rissoles I taught her to make 
 the doctor will not need to call improper food. My 
 Carl always likes them, and they have to be mixed 
 with bread. 
 
 Party-giving, however, requires some experience, 
 and so I considered it my duty to stand by my child 
 with help and advice, for, although the doctor is 
 indifferent to what other people think, I am not go- 
 ing to have it said afterwards that the party wanted 
 style. 
 
 [223]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 First of all, it had to be considered who were to be 
 invited. We reckoned that there were twenty-two 
 persons whom it would be absolutely necessary to 
 ask, yet that couldn't be done, for there were only 
 twelve chairs, so the doctor determined to divide 
 them into two sets, and to have a party first for the 
 younger lot and then one for the older people. In 
 other words, no doubt, he meant to say: "Worthy 
 mother-in-law, we don't mean to cook for you on 
 this first occasion." I replied, with the last remnant 
 of a smile I had at my command : "Just as you think 
 best ; and there need not be so much fuss made when 
 the younger ones are invited." He answered that 
 he had no idea whatever of cutting things short, that 
 there must be a respectable turnout such as the mid- 
 dle classes of Berlin were accustomed to, but that 
 there was no need to do more than that. "What 
 then do you think of having, for instance*?" "Craw- 
 fish," said he; "they are still in first-rate condition 
 and very cheap; most people fancy they are over in 
 August, but Micha will let me have the best he has, 
 for we are good acquaintances." "Very well, then, 
 cheap crawfish; and what then?" I asked. "A 
 goose," suggested Emmi. "A goose is too ex- 
 pensive, and doesn't cut up well," said the 
 doctor; "roast veal will be better, especially if 
 there is plenty of sauce and potatoes." "A lot of 
 potatoes is very ungenteel," I ventured to remark. 
 [224]
 
 THE WRENZCHENS' FIRST PARTY 
 
 "Those who don't consider them good enough eat- 
 ing can leave them," replied the doctor. "And what 
 about pudding'?" I asked. "Any sort of milky 
 ground rice-pudding it goes furthest," the doctor 
 answered decisively. "Why not rather bluish Plot- 
 zensee gruel*?" * I exclaimed, by way of a little joke, 
 in rejecting his proposal. "That's a matter of 
 taste," he replied. But one is never understood in 
 that house. 
 
 When I got home my husband asked me what the 
 result of the preparatory meeting had been. "Carl," 
 said I, "it will be positively ridiculous, but I mean 
 to frustrate that notion of his about the milk-sop. 
 My daughter shall not be exposed to ridicule." 
 
 Emmi, the dear unsuspecting creature, was per- 
 fectly delighted at the thought of giving her first 
 party, and was therefore willing to agree to anything 
 he wished, for when I said to her that she must at 
 all events order some kind of tart, she replied that 
 she had already made some pastry by way of trial, 
 and that her husband had thought it excellent, es- 
 pecially as the whole dishful only cost eight-pence. 
 "Does that include the eggs'?" I asked. Her reply 
 was that pastry could be made quite well without 
 eggs. There is no possibility of altering matters 
 there. 
 
 Full of anxiety, therefore, I awaited the day of 
 
 * Plotzensee is a prison hence Frau Buchholz ironically sug- 
 gests prison fare. "
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 the party. My Carl and I, and Betti, were invited : 
 the doctor had shown proper feeling enough not to 
 pass over his wife's relatives. Then there were the 
 Weigelts, Dr. Paber, Herr Lehmann and his wife, 
 Herr Kleines and Fraulein Kulecke. The twelve 
 chairs were all occupied. 
 
 "Why in all the world did you ask the Weigelts *?" 
 I asked Emmi, when I was helping her to lay the 
 cloth in the afternoon. "He is somewhat of a bore, 
 it is true," she replied; "but Franz thinks he plays 
 skat very well." "Skat!" I exclaimed, horrified. 
 "Well, yes," said Emmi, "there are just exactly the 
 right number for two sets." "And what are we la- 
 dies to do while the gentlemen have neither eyes nor 
 ears for anything but their detestable game 1 ?" "He 
 asked Amanda Kulecke, that she might recite some- 
 thing to us she has a wonderful voice." "Just like 
 a sergeant's," said I bitterly. 
 
 At eight o'clock the first guests arrived; of course 
 we Buchholzes had come a little earlier, in order to 
 do the honours if necessary. It cannot be denied 
 that the rooms looked splendid. 
 
 Everything was new and as it ought to be. There 
 was green in front of the windows, a basket of flow- 
 ers on the table before the sofa; the lamps were 
 bright and cheerful, and Emmi, looking charming, 
 although a little timid, awaiting her guests. 
 
 The Weigelts, in a somewhat ungenteel fashion, 
 226]
 
 THE WRENZCHENS FIRST PARTY 
 
 came in just as the clock struck the hour. Emmi em- 
 braced Augusta very heartily, and Heir Weigelt 
 said a few words about their having considered them- 
 selves highly honoured in receiving an invitation. 
 Of course he again had on a necktie such as not a 
 creature ever wears nowadays. Then came Fraulein 
 Kulecke, who, in her deep voice, remarked that the 
 rooms looked exceedingly poetic; she was followed 
 by Dr. Paber, who always has a few friendly words 
 for me, and said that he found me looking wonder- 
 fully younger and brighter than when he last saw 
 me. 
 
 Herr Lehmann, a lawyer, and one of Dr. Wrenz- 
 chen's most intimate friends, had squeezed himself 
 into a dress-coat, while the other gentlemen wore 
 frock-coats; this induced the doctor to make some 
 jokes at his expense, which seemed to make Herr 
 Lehmann feel more uncomfortable than he had been 
 on first coming in. His wife did not speak much 
 either. 
 
 Herr Kleines came last, and had on a pair of rud- 
 dy-brown gloves, and thus looked for all the world 
 as if he had just come from a slaughter-house. 
 Heaven only knows what sort of people he means 
 to astonish by such outward arrangements ! 
 
 "Now," said I to Emmi, "we'd better put on the 
 craw-fish; the young people have all come. ,You 
 stay here with your guests." 
 
 [227]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 "Are these all the craw-fish you have?" said I to 
 the girl in the kitchen. "Yes, ma'am." "There's 
 not enough to go round," said I. "There's roast 
 meat and pudding also." "Where's the pudding?" 
 "In the larder." I took a light and went in to 
 look. Yes, there stood the three dishes with the 
 milk-sop. I tasted it, and found neither substance 
 nor flavour about it, one might as well have hung 
 one's tongue out of the window. "Well," thought 
 I, "it's the doctor's will, of course." 
 
 As I stood there shaking my head at those three 
 wretched bowls, I heard a scraping, shuffling noise 
 near me. "What's this?" thought I, and looked 
 about. The noise came from a basket below the 
 table. What should I find on taking off the lid, but 
 craw-fish ! And such ones, regular monsters ! 
 
 "There are more craw-fish," I cried indignantly on 
 returning to the kitchen, "and you tell me those are 
 all you've got!" "Those mayn't be touched, 
 ma'am; the doctor picked them out himself for to- 
 morrow. He's going to have them for breakfast." 
 "The guests have got to be considered first," I re- 
 plied, and was about to throw the craw-fish I had 
 discovered into the pan, when the impertinent girl 
 planted herself right in front of the fire, and cried: 
 "I'll not let anybody to the fire, even though it 
 were the devil's own mother-in-law!" "We'll see 
 about that," said I, and went to fetch Emmi. I 
 
 [228]
 
 THE WRENZCHENS FIRST PARTY 
 
 could see well enough that it was the doctor, speak- 
 ing out of that girl; but such a creature should be 
 taught better, Emmi should stand by her mother. 
 Emmi came at once when I called her. "Child," 
 said I, when we were in the passage, "your cook has 
 insulted me beyond conception; either she begs my 
 pardon on her knees, or I leave your house on the 
 spot." "Mamma, what has happened*?" I ex- 
 plained what had occurred. "Mamma, surely you 
 must have provoked her." "Do you mean to take 
 that wretched girl's part?" "She has never yet 
 given us cause to find fault with her." "You must 
 at once give her notice to leave." "Mamma, that's 
 impossible, she is so reliable and we are quite satis- 
 fied with her." "So you mean to sacrifice your own 
 mother for that disreputable creature? Very well!" 
 At this moment the doctor appeared ; he had won- 
 dered why the craw-fish had been so long in being 
 got ready, and they were not in the pan yet. "Doc- 
 tor," said I with dignity, "you will surely not have 
 me insulted in your house?" "I? not likely," he 
 replied; "come away into the sitting-room, not a soul 
 shall harm you !" Did he think such a phrase was 
 sufficient to heal the wounds which that wretch of a 
 cook had given me ? I considered it my duty to tell 
 him all that had happened how I had heard the 
 craw-fish shuffling about in the basket, and how the 
 impudent girl had told me a bare-faced untruth; 
 
 [229]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 how I had been bound to show my indignation ; how 
 she had prevented me approaching the fire, and what 
 insulting remarks she had thrown at me. And he, 
 what did he say to it all? "That's only external, 
 dear mother-in-law. Don't be too sensitive, but 
 come away in." "No," I cried; "either that girl 
 goes, or I go!" Emmi stood there bewildered and 
 not knowing what to do, and the doctor did his best 
 to console her; and away in the kitchen was that fury 
 of a cook making such a clatter with the coal-shovel 
 and the dishes, one might have fancied some sav- 
 age creature had got in among them. "Just listen to 
 the noise she is making," I cried, "and you keep 
 her in your house? That is pretty discipline !" 
 
 Carl now came to see what was detaining us. "It 
 is already nine o'clock," he exclaimed, "and we are 
 all hungry !" I told him what had happened, what 
 the cook had said to me, what Emmi had said, what 
 the doctor had said, and what I had said, and wound 
 up by saying: "Here I do not intend to remain." 
 Carl deliberated a moment, and then said quietly: 
 "Wilhelmme, do not spoil the young couple's first 
 party. Do not interfere with their affairs. You 
 know well enough that in the early days of our mar- 
 riage, things did not go as smoothly as they did later 
 on. We are among friends here who think less about 
 finding all the arrangements perfect, than that they 
 get a hearty welcome." "And that the largest craw- 
 [230]
 
 THE WRENZCHENS FIRST PARTY 
 
 fish are kept for the next day's breakfast!" I cried. 
 "Wilhelmine, remember that we are guests here! 
 I beseech you to behave in a friendly way." He 
 took my arm in his and led me back into the room 
 where the guests were assembled. Emmi went off 
 to the kitchen. 
 
 The doctor took in Frau Lehmann; Herr Leh- 
 mann, Frau Weigelt; Herr Kleines my Betti; Carl 
 Emmi; Herr Weigelt Amanda Kulecke; and Dr. Pa- 
 ber me. 
 
 The few craw-fish were soon finished. Emmi 
 ate one; I did not take any, so that there might be 
 more for the guests. Dr. Wrenzchen, however, did 
 not stint himself, and declared them to be of excel- 
 lent flavour. 
 
 "They are probably the very last of the season, 
 Franz," said Dr. Paber, when I pressed him to help 
 himself to another from the dish, which had come 
 round again as good as empty. "They may be, Pa- 
 ber," replied the doctor; "they are, of course, not as 
 plentiful now as in summer. One good thing is, that 
 one is not likely to overload oneself, and can enjoy 
 what follows." 
 
 "It is certainly better not to take too many," re- 
 turned Dr. Paber. "Oh," said I, "some people eat 
 a quantity for breakfast." Dr. Paber and Emmi's 
 husband both doubted the accuracy of my remark. 
 But I knew what I knew. The hypocrite !
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 Then came the roast veal. Emmi might have told 
 him that none of her family cared for veal, although 
 it may be an elixir to his stomach. The roast was 
 better than I expected it to be; but there was too 
 much sauce, and it was too thin. Yet they keep 
 a cook like that ! Dr. Paber proposed the first toast 
 that is, after Dr. Wrenzchen in the customary way 
 had addressed a few words of welcome to his guests. 
 Dr. Paber speaks very well, but he was not quite up 
 to his subject, for he wished the young household 
 a continuance of the happiness and peace which had 
 hitherto prevailed. I joined in drinking to their 
 happiness, of course, for I am not an unnatural 
 mother ; still, I could not help inwardly smiling con- 
 temptuously at the "peace" that Dr. Paber had re- 
 ferred to. Peace, indeed, with such a clatterer in the 
 kitchen ! Ridiculous ! 
 
 Herr Kleines then made a speech in rhyme ; every 
 one got a couplet. To me he addressed the lines : 
 
 "Mothers-in-law are often Fluchholz, 
 Excepting, of course, Frau Buchhols" * 
 
 All laughed at this except Herr Weigelt and I. He 
 didn't because his mouth happened to be full of 
 potatoes at the moment, and I didn't because I felt 
 annoyed. There's no such word at all in German as 
 
 * This, as will be seen at once, is a play upon the word 
 
 Buchhols, which, being literally translated, means beech-wood. 
 
 The word Fluchholz, literally curse-wood, Herr Kleines invented 
 
 to serve his purpose both for rhyme and a hit at mothers-in-law. 
 
 [232]
 
 THE WRENZCHENS FIRST PARTY 
 
 Fluchholz, and it was invented only as a bit of mal- 
 ice and for the sake of rhyme. Is poetry to be used 
 to cause unpleasantness to one's fellow-creatures? 
 Did Lessing ever do anything of the kind? No, 
 he was tolerant. If Herr Kleines had made some 
 such rhyme for the girl Rieke in the kitchen, I should 
 not have minded, and he would probably have re- 
 ceived a pretty substantial reward from her for his 
 poetic effusion. I had to sit still and suffer. 
 
 That the ground-rice pap was specially distasteful 
 to me in this state of mind may easily be imagined. 
 Herr Kleines, however, ate of it like a veritable Ger- 
 man poet, whose hunger-belt as Dr. Paber admir- 
 ably remarked had been loosened. Dr. Paber's 
 masculine organ of taste, of course, refused to be 
 pleased with the sloppy pap. "The stuff tastes of 
 that Nothing out of which the world was created," 
 said I. "That is just what I think too," he replied, 
 "but did not venture to say so." In fact, I must 
 say Dr. Paber is a very observant and cultivated 
 man; and if Betti were to take his fancy, I might 
 not exactly encourage him, but should, at least, not 
 put any obstacle in his way. Those who hadn't 
 had enough supper could make up the deficiency 
 with bread-and-butter and the cow's cheese, which 
 was already somewhat high. However offensive the 
 smell may be to the olfactory nerves of other peo- 
 ple, the doctor can't do without it. 
 
 [233]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 This meal, like everything else, came to an end at 
 last but not the milk-sop there was enough left 
 for a peasant's wedding-feast, where the eating and 
 drinking is known to go on for three whole days. 
 
 After supper the gentlemen went to their card- 
 tables, and we ladies were left to ourselves. Frau 
 Lehmann had meanwhile thawed a little, and told us 
 a number of delightful little anecdotes, and also 
 knew of such amusing games with lucifer-matches 
 puzzling enough to crack one's brains that the time 
 passed pleasantly enough. How sad it is, thought 
 I, that in future I shall enter this house only as a 
 visitor, without taking off my bonnet, when drop- 
 ping in by accident, as it were. 
 
 At about two o'clock we all left. The servant- 
 girl was standing at the front door holding a light, 
 but also with a view of receiving gratuities from the 
 guests for what they had received. I walked haught- 
 ily past that kitchen-fury without giving her as much 
 as a glance. She shall learn what comes of rebelling 
 against a mother when her child gives her first party. 
 A pretty state of things ! 
 
 [234J
 
 EMMI IS URGED BY HER MOTHER TO TAKE A 
 STRONGER LINE WITH THE DOCTOR 
 
 The second part of "The Buchholz Family" begins 
 with a visit by Frau Buchholz to Emmi's flat, where 
 she meets a Frau Lehmann. I omit the conversation 
 with this lady as being of interest only in leading 
 to an invitation which, as we shall see, Frau Buch- 
 holz accepts. 
 
 AS long as my daughter Emmi was still unmar- 
 ried, I did believe that she might become 
 happy with the man who, according to my idea, 
 Providence had selected for her. But now I think 
 the contrary, and can only suppose that human life 
 develops as many varieties as the balsams we sow 
 in flower-pots. We fancy that only well-developed, 
 rosy-red blossoms will come up; but when they do 
 appear, some of the flowers are of a most ordinary 
 shade of violet, others are red, but single; whereas 
 
 [235]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 not more than two or three show blossoms of the kind 
 described in the catalogue. Some do not come up 
 at all, or if they do, the buds drop off before open- 
 ing. 
 
 Or is it that good fortune is not big enough for 
 every one to have a slice, such as I and my Carl 
 have had? Why is it that we are happy and con- 
 tent? Because Carl would most assuredly have had 
 the highest respect for his mother-in-law, had it not 
 been that she died before our marriage. I could 
 swear that Carl would have acted very differently 
 towards her from what Dr. Wrenzchen does towards 
 me. I cannot, indeed, complain that he is wanting 
 in polite speeches and phrases, but the more pleas- 
 ant his manner, the more suspicious he appears to 
 me; for, according to what cultured people say, those 
 who excuse, accuse themselves. If he meant all he 
 said, he would at once have packed off that cook of 
 his, when she was not only rude, but insolent to 
 me. A mother-in-law has as much right in the 
 kitchen of her newly-married daughter as the daugh- 
 ter herself, especially when the young wife is inex- 
 perienced and is about to give her first party; for 
 although there may be no question about treating 
 the guests to a surprise, they ought at all events to 
 be made to feel some degree of respect for the house- 
 hold arrangements. Therefore when a cook hinders 
 a mother-in-law in this duty, planting herself in 
 
 [236]
 
 EMMI IS EGGED ON 
 
 front of the hearth, and, by making use of unculti- 
 vated language, forces the mother of her mistress to 
 concentrate herself backwards out of the room, then, 
 I say, it is the sacred duty of the son-in-law at once 
 to fetch in the police, and to have the wretched crea- 
 ture locked up with all possible speed. Now as the 
 doctor did not have this done, I know well enough 
 what to think of his polite speeches and complacent 
 remarks; these may be said to be the brazen shield 
 of the arch-fiend, by means of which he wishes to 
 thrust me off, that I may not have an opportunity 
 of telling him the truth to his face. But he will find 
 all that useless; opportunities cannot be thrust aside 
 for ever. When once they do come, they come with 
 the certainty of the multiplication table. And then 
 we shall see ! 
 
 I had at first resolved never again to cross the 
 threshold on the other side of which I had been so 
 shamefully treated without provocation. On second 
 thoughts, however, it struck me : before Frau Buch- 
 holz submits to be chased away by a fury in the 
 kitchen, things would need to be very different. One 
 does not so readily give up one's innate privileges. 
 Of course, when I go to the house I take no more 
 notice of that cook than if she were mere air; not 
 a look do I give her, not a "good-day," not even a 
 condescending smile; I pass her by as if enshrouded 
 in icy disdain, like a wet bathing-suit. And she in 
 
 [237]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 her thick-skinnedness takes absolutely no notice of 
 all this. 
 
 Emmi is always immensely pleased when I look in 
 of an afternoon to coffee. Dr. Wrenzchen is at that 
 time out on his rounds, and we can chat away un- 
 disturbed about things that men can't in the least 
 understand. What astonishes me is that the girl has 
 so quickly adapted herself to her position as a doc- 
 tor's wife. She writes down the names of all the 
 people upon whom he has to call, and takes great 
 interest in his different patients; at times even she 
 does not hesitate to make a bowl of strong beef-tea 
 when the case is urgent, and a spoonful of soup is 
 more needed than a spoonful of medicine. It is only 
 on Thursdays, when the doctor goes to his Medical 
 Society where he plays skat till midnight that 
 Emmi feels lonely and forsaken. 
 
 "Child," said I, "this is a misery that unfortu- 
 nately you may have to endure to your dying day; 
 but still you may consider yourself lucky, for there 
 are husbands far more inconsiderate than yours, in 
 fact, who have but three senses, like bears those of 
 eating, grumbling, and sleeping. You ought never 
 from the first to have tolerated those Thursday- 
 evening goings-out. I am afraid now that it may 
 be too late to educate him." 
 
 "If only I were not so utterly alone," said Emmi, 
 "you cannot think how wearisome the hours are when 
 
 [238]
 
 EMMI IS EGGED ON 
 
 I have to wait for him." "Do you stay up for 
 him?" "No, Franz will not have that!" "So he 
 sends you to bed, does he?" "He thinks it bet- 
 ter for me." "And all your worry about his not 
 coming home counts for nothing, I suppose*? Or 
 can you go to sleep with an easy mind, while he 
 turns night into day with his beer-drinking chums'? 
 I couldn't!" "Mamma, what is it you have against 
 Franz?" "I? Nothing whatever, except these 
 Thursday evenings and the cook." "Oh, don't bring 
 up that old dispute, mamma; the girl has had her 
 scolding and will not forget herself again. As to 
 Franz, he bargained for these Thursday evenings 
 from the very outset, and I agreed." "If you are 
 happy as things are, it is not for me to interfere; 
 you must know best what your nerves can stand. 
 But what is the use of my talking my tongue sore, 
 if you will neither see nor listen?" 
 
 Emmi was silent; she then asked: "What harm 
 is there in his spending one evening in the week with 
 his friends? I cannot have him gilded over and 
 rolled up in wadding." "Is that a tone in which to 
 speak to me, Emmi?" "Mamma, you must remem- 
 ber I am a married woman now, and do not need to 
 account to any one but my husband for what I do. 
 You know I love you dearly, but I do not like to be 
 treated as if I were still a school-girl." "And can 
 you not understand that I am acting only for your 
 
 [239]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 good*?" I exclaimed, "do you think I do not notice 
 that you are not as happy as you ought to be 1 ? Do 
 you mean to say you look forward to your Thurs- 
 day evenings'?" 
 
 Emmi shook her head almost imperceptibly; but 
 I saw it. After a time she said cheerily : "I mean to 
 get a little dog; it will be a companion for me." . . . 
 
 "Your husband must positively be made to sacri- 
 fice his Thursdays to you," I replied, with decision; 
 "and in any case you can arrange to spend the eve- 
 nings with us when he goes out for his own amuse- 
 ment!" 
 
 "Without Franz?" 
 
 "If he leaves you to yourself, you can surely leave 
 him once in a way !" 
 
 "No Mamma, I will not do that. 
 
 "I mean without any rudeness on your part, of 
 course," I continued. "I shall send you both an in- 
 vitation for next Thursday, to potatoes-in-their-skins 
 and herrings, which I know he is so fond of. The fol- 
 lowing Thursday the Lehmanns might invite you, 
 and so on, till we get him out of his irregular ways. 
 He must be gently and imperceptibly chained to the 
 family. If this proves unsuccessful you must try the 
 plan of leaving home yourself one evening." 
 
 She shook her head thoughtfully. "Think over 
 what I have said," I added. "If he does not give in 
 now, he never will; and the little bit of happiness 
 [240]
 
 EMMI IS EGGED ON 
 
 you ought to get out of your lives will be off before 
 you know where you are. Think it over." I then 
 brought my visit to a close. 
 
 That same evening I told Carl that I had invited 
 Dr. Wrenzchen and Emmi to spend next Thursday 
 evening with us. "Do not be surprised, however," 
 said I, "if I have the herrings placed on the table 
 undivided." "Why such a new-fangled idea 1 ?" 
 asked Carl, somewhat puzzled. "It is a delicate 
 piece of domestic diplomacy, Carl," was my reply, 
 "by leaving the herrings whole, Dr. Wrenzchen will 
 be unable to pick out all the middle cuts for him- 
 self, as he did last time; he will have to eat the head 
 and tail bits, like the rest of us." "But supposing 
 he likes the middle cuts best? You are generally 
 disposed to give your fellow-creatures what they like 
 best, Wilhelmine." "I do, Carl, gladly, as you 
 know ; but in the present case it is a matter of educa- 
 tion. He's not nearly old enough to have nothing 
 but middle cuts." 
 
 [241]
 
 CHAPTER XX 
 
 FRAU BUCHHOLZ AND BETTI EXPERIMENT IN ECON- 
 OMY AND DOMESTIC ART AND FAIL IN BOTH 
 
 WE paid a visit to the exhibition of cheap fur- 
 niture that was being held in the glass build- 
 ing of the late Hygienic Exhibition, and as the prices 
 asked for some of the articles, of really good work- 
 manship, were astonishingly low, we purchased a 
 wardrobe to replace the large clothes-press which 
 had been standing in the passage. The lower draw- 
 ers of the old one would never open properly if one 
 wanted anything out in a hurry, and then too the 
 thing was worm-eaten. Carl approved of the invest- 
 ment, for the new wardrobe is divided in the middle, 
 and he can now have his realm all to himself, and 
 no longer needs to grumble that his clothes are hung 
 on the back pegs, and that when he wants some 
 particular coat he is sure to lay hold of the wrong 
 one. 
 
 When, however, the new wardrobe was put up, 
 [242]
 
 AN EXPERIMENT IN ECONOMY 
 
 we found that it was smaller than the old piece of 
 furniture, and hence that it did not cover the same 
 space of wall. Now the piece of wall covered by 
 the old press had never been papered, for I remember 
 we bought a remnant of paper cheap and it proved 
 hardly sufficient to paper the whole passage. We 
 could not get it matched at the time, and thus the 
 wall behind the press was left in its original condi- 
 tion, a bright blue in oil paint. But, of course, not 
 a trace of this was seen when the old cupboard stood 
 there. 
 
 "The whole passage will have to be repapered for 
 the sake of that new piece of furniture," said Carl; 
 "what shall we have gained by the change?" 
 
 "Don't trouble about that, wait and see how clev- 
 erly we shall manage it." 
 
 He shook his head as he went off, but did not 
 venture to oppose me by slighting remarks. 
 
 I had said "we," meaning not only myself, but 
 Betti and me, for without her help I should not have 
 been able to carry out my idea. 
 
 Betti had, in fact, taken to painting lately, for 
 she had no inclination whatever to become a gov- 
 erness, and yet did not wish to be without some reg- 
 ular occupation. And what was the use of her trying 
 to pass a hard examination, simply to keep children 
 tidy and to teach them a little spelling*? Uncle 
 Fritz too dissuaded her, by maintaining that "chil- 
 
 [243]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 dren are horrid, they can do nothing but cry or sleep ; 
 the pleasantest moments in family life are when 
 the children are asleep." My reply to this was: 
 "You will talk very differently some day, my boy." 
 Whereupon he answered, "I have certainly had to 
 put up with noise enough from our club-poets, but 
 I shall never get accustomed to infants' music un- 
 less I invest in a pair of india-rubber ears." 
 
 "Children's voices are like angels' voices," said I, 
 "but, of course, they need be one's own children. 
 Your vocal society, 'The Whooping-Cough,' no 
 doubt makes a pretty hullabaloo; I wonder the neigh- 
 bours tolerate such uproar." "They gain something 
 by it, at all events; they would scarcely know what 
 a mouse was like if they hadn't preserved one in a 
 glass case." 
 
 Betti had always shown a taste for art. Even as 
 a child she would cut out figures from the fashion 
 papers, colour them neatly, and then gum them into 
 an exercise book. And painting has become such a 
 favourite occupation with ladies, that the most emi- 
 nent artists give them lessons nowadays. And then 
 to think what prices are now given for paintings! 
 Menzel, a short time ago, got 4500 for one pic- 
 ture, and, as Betti says, he has not even used the most 
 expensive colours. Such demands we, of course, 
 should never make, although naturally one would 
 like to cover one's expenses. 
 [244]
 
 AN EXPERIMENT IN ECONOMY 
 
 Betti, to be sure, is only at the first stage yet, and 
 paints upon articles of wood; still I must say she 
 has been very diligent. She has painted three clothes- 
 brushes one for me, one for her father, and one 
 for Dr. Wrenzchen all three in flowers. They 
 might have been bought at a shop, they are so artis- 
 tically finished. If only the varnishing did not come 
 so expensive. Betti tried to do it herself at first, 
 but she never succeeded altogether, and could not 
 manage to get a smooth surface properly. Smaller 
 articles, such as plates, paper-knives, pocket-books, 
 and little boxes, are very useful for giving away as 
 presents ; among our friends and acquaintances there 
 are birthdays enough to make it difficult to overtake 
 them all with any show of respectability. 
 
 So on the day in question I said to Betti : "There 
 is now a chance for you to give a proof of your tal- 
 ent, and we will mightily surprise your father. What 
 I want you to do is to paint in the pattern of the 
 wall-paper where there is no paper on the wall, and 
 to make it look exactly like the rest of the wall. 
 He will be astonished when he finds that he can't 
 distinguish between the deception and the reality, 
 unless he examines it very carefully." 
 
 Betti, it is true, did think this would be too diffi- 
 cult for her, as she had never yet tried wall painting, 
 a branch which was to be taken up later, under 
 Gussow, when she had finished with painting on 
 
 [245]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 wood, and had passed through a course of landscape 
 painting, which is very carefully taught by the so- 
 ciety of Lady Artists; still she said she was willing 
 to try. From the outset I had looked forward to the' 
 moment when I should be able to say to Carl : "Now, 
 then, what do you say to that? And to think that 
 the expense would not be worth speaking about! 
 Simply an instance of domestic art." 
 
 We took a couple of old cream jars and went to 
 fetch the paint. It was not easy to find the right 
 shades, but I hurried home and ripped a piece of pa- 
 per off the wall from below the place where the press 
 had stood. This I gave to the young man in the col- 
 our-shop, and it enabled him to understand exactly 
 what we wanted, and he mixed the colours accord- 
 ingly. When Betti saw this she was most anxious 
 to set to work, a proof that she has the talent. The 
 young man also selected the brushes, a large one for 
 the grounding, and several smaller ones for work- 
 ing out the details. That same evening Betti 
 sketched out the pattern, and on the following morn- 
 ing, as soon as Carl had gone to the office, we set 
 about the work. That is to say, Betti undertook the 
 artistic part, and I stood by to assist her with good 
 advice. However, as she declared she could do noth- 
 ing if I kept watching her, I went off to the kitchen. 
 We were going to have pigeons for dinner, which 
 Carl likes very much if they are carefully prepared, 
 
 [246]
 
 AN EXPERIMENT IN ECONOMY 
 
 and cooked briskly, with a little onion and parsley 
 root; so I had enough to do. Cooks rather dislike 
 preparing this dish, as it gives some trouble, and, 
 moreover, they are apt to tell lies about it, by de- 
 claring that there were no pigeons of the kind to be 
 had at the market. 
 
 However, before the last bird had passed through 
 my hands, my motherly interest in Betti's artistic 
 work induced me to go and see how things were pro- 
 gressing with the fresco painting. I found Betti in 
 a not very amiable state of mind, for when I ap- 
 peared in the passage she said rather shortly : "What 
 is it you want?" I noticed at once that something 
 was amiss, for when Betti's voice has a snappish 
 sound she is not given to be amiable, and so I said 
 with the utmost gentleness: "Well, have you suc- 
 ceeded in accomplishing anything, my child 1 ?" 
 
 Betti came down off the kitchen steps, upon which 
 she had been standing while pasting up the pattern 
 she had sketched, and then examined the work from 
 a prospective distance. 
 
 "Do you think it will do?" she asked. 
 
 What could I say? If I said "No," she was quite 
 capable of replying: "Well, then, take the colours 
 and brushes and do it yourself." If I said "Yes," 
 then the painting would, of course, remain as it was, 
 and Carl would have every reason to find fault, for 
 
 [247]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 the result of Betti's work was really not much of 
 anything. 
 
 So after having examined her work from different 
 points of view, and with some show of artistic appre- 
 ciation, I said: "Betti, the pattern seems remark- 
 ably like, but the colours do not quite correspond. 
 Do you not yourself think that the colours are a few 
 shades too light*?" 
 
 "It is all too light," replied Betti, "yet how can 
 this possibly be the case when the young man mixed 
 the colours himself so carefully according to your 
 pattern*? Can it be the light, mamma'? You know 
 artists always complain that unless the light is right 
 it spoils their best paintings." I was about to agree 
 to this possibility when a most unwelcome thought 
 dawned upon me, and proved to be right. The fact 
 was, I had taken, as a pattern, a piece of the wall- 
 paper that had always been covered by the old 
 clothes-press, and which, therefore, had retained its 
 original and lighter colour. 
 
 "Now, mamma," said Betti in a tone of vexation, 
 "why do you interfere with things when you know 
 that you know nothing whatever about painting*?" 
 "No, my dear," I replied, "you cannot say that 
 of me ; have I not climbed nine flights of stairs in the 
 Vatican to see the genuine Raphaels and the other 
 celebrities in oil 4 ?" "The whole Vatican would be 
 of no use to us here, mamma," interposed Betti; "I 
 
 [248]
 
 AN EXPERIMENT IN ECONOMY 
 
 shall have to go and get the proper colours." So 
 she stripped off a piece of the darkened wall-paper 
 and flew off to the shop, for she too was anxious to 
 have finished before noon, and I was meanwhile left 
 to my own thoughts. It seemed clear to me now that 
 Art is by no means so very easy, and demands a 
 goodly amount of genius as well. 
 
 When Betti returned she said: "Mamma, the 
 work cannot be done in the way we imagined. First 
 of all, a background has to be washed in, and when 
 it is dry the pattern has to be painted upon it." 
 
 "Who told you so*?" "The young man in the 
 shop explained this to me; he has been at the Acade- 
 my himself, it seems." 
 
 "Has he studied under Gussow then, that he pre- 
 tends to know so much*?" "I did not ask him that, 
 but he did say that selling colours brought in more 
 money than art." 
 
 "He told you that, probably, by way of excusing 
 himself. Think what an amount it would represent 
 for Menzel to have sold 4500 worth of oil colours 
 and floor varnish ! He would need to have been sell- 
 ing the stuffs day and night. No, one cannot be- 
 lieve offhand what such a person says, and need 
 know exactly what he means." 
 
 While we were conversing in this way Betti had 
 painted in the background with the large brush. 
 There was some paint over, so I used it in trying 
 
 [249]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 my hand at painting a wooden box, and did not find 
 it very troublesome. "Betti," I exclaimed in glee, 
 "we shall never again, after this, need to have paint- 
 ers in the house, we can do everything ourselves, and 
 save a pretty penny." 
 
 When Carl came in to dinner, of course we could 
 not conceal the painting that had been begun. He 
 looked at it, shook his head, and said : "Wilhelmine, 
 I am afraid the difference will be noticed. You had 
 better give up the painting and have the whole pas- 
 sage repapered." 
 
 "And throw money out of the window," I ex- 
 claimed. "No, Carl, I'll not have that; and it's no 
 encouragement to art to find fault with things at 
 the very outset, in a hasty way. Wait a little, and 
 then pronounce your judgment. To-morrow you 
 will have a very different piece of work to criticise !" 
 This proved to be true, but unluckily the work 
 turned out very different from what I had antici- 
 pated. 
 
 What the reason was I do not know, but when 
 Betti on the following morning painted in the pat- 
 tern, the wall looked stranger than ever. "Betti," 
 said I, "you have not quite the right knack yet, I 
 think. What do you say to painting the whole wall 
 one colour? Papa, it is true, prefers it being pa- 
 pered, but that's because he hasn't confidence in us; 
 [250]
 
 AN EXPERIMENT IN ECONOMY 
 
 he is sure to be quite satisfied when the passage is 
 once done, and looks lovely." 
 
 We sent the girl Doris to the colour shop with a 
 pot sufficiently large to hold paint enough for the 
 four walls, and I told her to bring another good-sized 
 brush for grounding, as I meant to help in the work 
 myself. We had decided in favour of sky-blue, 
 having got the idea from the old unpapered patch on 
 the wall, and because everything old-fashioned is 
 again the fashion now. 
 
 We were anything but idle. Betti, mounted on 
 the kitchen steps, undertook to see to the upper re- 
 gions, while I, on my knees on the floor, attended to 
 the lower parts. When we got to the end of our 
 paint Dorris was despatched for more. It was a 
 regular hurry-scurry. 
 
 "The only thing wanting now are visitors," said 
 Betti jocosely, for she was enjoying the painting 
 as much as I was. "That would be a pretty mess!" 
 I exclaimed. "Betti, we must be quick and see that 
 we are not interrupted, that the work is finished at 
 once, before papa comes in." 
 
 Haste, however, is both exhausting and mischiev- 
 ous. In her hurry Betti knocked the pot of paint 
 off the steps, and the good blue paint splashed over 
 the floor. 
 
 There is nothing more horrid than upset oil paint. 
 We wiped it up. But it always seemed to come out
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 again. Nothing we could do would remove it alto- 
 gether. By way of consolation I said to Betti : "The 
 floor would in any case have required a coat of var- 
 nish. Doris will have to fetch some more paint soon, 
 and so she may as well bring back some brown var- 
 nish for the floor at the same time." 
 
 "And a nice bright red for the border at the top 
 and bottom of the wall," added Betti. 
 
 "Will one cupful be enough*?" "Let her take the 
 large office jar," suggested Betti, and off Doris went. 
 
 Betti was right. A border did seem necessary to 
 give our work an artistic finish. She hoped, as I 
 myself did, that when once the red lines were drawn 
 in, the unevenness of the painting would not be so 
 conspicuous. Betti again mounted the ladder, and, 
 as she had the ruler in one hand and her brush in 
 the other, Doris had to stand below to hold up the 
 paint pot. 
 
 After a time Doris ventured to remark: "Miss 
 Betti, you really mustn't let the paint drop so, my 
 jacket and my whole face are covered with paint." 
 This was true enough, I must admit. 
 
 "And this jacket I put on to-day for the first 
 time," Doris continued in a grumbling tone. 
 "Well, well," said I, "if the paint won't wash out 
 you shall have a new one." With this I turned to 
 my work again. A few powerful strokes with the 
 brush and I could exclaim: "I've finished!" 
 [252]
 
 AN EXPERIMENT IN ECONOMY 
 
 But before I had got so far Betti had been mutter- 
 ing: "Mamma, I can't get the border to do, it keeps 
 running down into the other colours. I feel quite 
 desperate." 
 
 I must confess I had not expected very much from 
 the border myself, and yet I have never in my life 
 been so deceived about anything. Sure enough there 
 was the red trickling down in long stripes into the 
 blue, for all the world like the choicest of fringes. 
 We tried to drive the red lines upwards with the blue 
 brush, but this seemed only to make matters worse. 
 
 "We shall have to do it all over again to-morrow, 
 from the very beginning," said Betti dolefully. 
 
 "All this mess over again!" I exclaimed; "just 
 look how you have splattered yourself with paint, 
 Betti, and look at Doris !" 
 
 "Sausage-making, which we used to do at home, 
 is nothing to this !" exclaimed Doris. 
 
 I used up the remaining blue, by giving a final 
 touch to the wall, Doris cleared away the pots and 
 brushes, and then Betti and I went off to change our 
 dresses. I could never have believed that oil-paint 
 could have splashed so much, some had settled on 
 the very back of my neck. And how difficult it is 
 to get it out of one's finger-nails! It is perfectly 
 astonishing what a speck of paint accomplishes when 
 it gets on to the wrong place! What would the 
 
 [253]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 towels be like ? Things no longer looked very prom- 
 ising. 
 
 We had scarcely finished dressing, and tidied 
 things up as far we could in the hurry, when Carl 
 and Uncle Fritz came in. I recognised their voices 
 in their exclamations at our handiwork. 
 
 "Don't let us go out to them," I whispered to 
 Betti, "let them quietly recover from their first im- 
 pression, for the first is always the strongest." 
 
 Then they came in. Carl, as I could at once see, 
 was not in the best of humours, but Uncle Fritz's 
 eyes actually beamed with delight, and mischievous 
 jokes were flickering round about his mouth. 
 
 "Wilhelmine, did I not tell you . . .?" Carl be- 
 gan, in a reproachful tone. Uncle Fritz, however, 
 interrupted him with a laugh: "No, Carl, old fel- 
 low, now don't prove yourself a barbarian in art, 
 there's not another such landing as yours to be found 
 in the wide world. Were you to exhibit it at the 
 Cantian's Platz, you would assuredly get the large 
 gold medal." 
 
 "I beg you not to make any such insulting re- 
 marks," said I; "when people have done their best, 
 there's no need to cast ridicule upon them." 
 
 "You no doubt took the blue grotto in Capri as 
 your model, Wilhelmine," continued Uncle Fritz, 
 paying no heed to my remark. "If only you were 
 [254]
 
 AN EXPERIMENT IN ECONOMY 
 
 to tie a boat to the wardrobe, the thing would be 
 perfect!" 
 
 "You needn't excite yourself," I replied, "our 
 main object was economy, and that is quite beyond 
 your comprehension as a bachelor." 
 
 "Economy!" exclaimed Carl, "what have you 
 spent upon all this m ... m ... manoeuvre?" 
 (he struggled to find a mild expression, the dear, 
 good fellow). 
 
 "The work itself is our affair, and thus will not 
 cost a farthing; the rest of the things I have had put 
 down to our account." 
 
 Carl called Doris, intending to send her to the 
 colour shop for the bill. Doris came at once, as 
 she heard herself called sharply. When she entered 
 Uncle Fritz simply gave a roar of delight. The girl 
 hadn't had time to wash off all the red paint, and 
 would have presented an alarming appearance to any 
 one who did not know what she had been about. 
 Even Carl said, "Doris, you cannot possibly go out 
 like that; the neighbours would think you had com- 
 mitted a murder." 
 
 I was uncommonly glad that Doris could not go 
 out, and that I had time, by carefully leading the 1 
 conversation, to get Carl off the subject of the bill. 
 For as appeared afterwards, we had managed to 
 squander such a considerable amount of paint, that 
 the landing might as well have been repapered, and 
 
 [355]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 without taking at all a cheap paper, as had, of 
 course, to be done in the end. I did not tell Carl 
 about Doris's ruined bodice and dress, which she in- 
 sisted upon having made good to her, till the whole 
 affair had been almost forgotten, and I had solemnly 
 promised Carl never again to try domestic art upon 
 doors or walls, but to employ skilled workmen, who 
 earned their livelihood by the work. I had never im- 
 agined that economy, under certain circumstances, 
 could lead to such an outlay of money. 
 
 And now we hear again of Herr Schmidt, the hero 
 of the Tegel lake, who had mysteriously disappeared 
 from the family's ken. Frau Euchholz one evening 
 thought she saw him at a rather dissolute revel at 
 the Bock, but was not sure. If so, he was with a 
 fast-looking girl in a red paper cap. Then one Sun- 
 day every one went to the Regatta, Uncle Fritz with 
 his customary convivial thoroughness having become 
 a great rowing man, and there Frau Buchholz met 
 Herr Max, the friend of the errant Schmidt, of whom 
 Betti was still thinking too tenderly. Herr Schmidt 
 was not with Max, who was nervous in mentioning 
 his name, and stated that he had left Berlin, but 
 added that he was not at liberty to go into details. 
 Another unsatisfactory incident of the afternoon was 
 the spectacle of the Bergfeldts drinking cham- 
 pagne.
 
 CHAPTER XXI 
 
 FRAU BUCHHOLZ SITS TO A FAMOUS PAINTER AND 
 IS BETRAYED INTO PREVARICATION 
 
 // will be remembered that when Frau Buchholz 
 met Professor Paulsen with Dr. Stinde at the foot of 
 Vesuvius, the Professor promised to 'paint her por- 
 trait. She did not then mean it, but circumstances 
 alter cases. Visiting the Exhibition of pictures in the 
 Cantian Platz the idea occurred again. 
 
 THE Exhibition is no doubt a practical kind of 
 building, but, as its principal outward charm 
 as seen from the City line seems to consist in its 
 being water-tight, it cannot be said to lay claim to 
 actual beauty. It's artistic contents we determined 
 to examine in this way : that both of us were quietly 
 to note the pictures that had pleased us best, so that 
 when we came to make our second peregrination 
 round the gallery there might be a mutual exchange 
 of opinion. The plan failed, however, for when we 
 
 [257]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 entered the first room we caught sight of the life-size 
 figure of a man in uniform, which stood out from a 
 purple curtain with a rich border of gold, in the most 
 lifelike manner, and with an aristocratic look. "Who 
 is that*?" I asked Betti, forgetting the agreement we 
 had made. She read out of the catalogue: "Fried- 
 rich Franz the Second, late Grand Duke of Meck- 
 lenburg-Schwerin." "I could see at once that it 
 must be a prince," I replied. "Who painted it 1 ?" 
 "Fritz Paulsen," she said, reading on. "Goodness, 
 how it all seems to rise up before me !" I exclaimed. 
 "Whatever can he have thought of me?" "Why, 
 mamma?" "Well, child, when I was in Naples, I 
 asked him whether he would paint my portrait some 
 day, and it was almost arranged that he should." 
 "How very nice," Betti said, interrupting me; "a 
 picture of you for papa's birthday. . . . You 
 couldn't give him anything more beautiful." 
 "Child," said I, "what are you thinking about? 
 Haven't I just had a most excellent photograph 
 taken of myself, at Carl Giinther's, which you were 
 all delighted with?" "And so we are still, but 
 when I look at you, mamma well, you seem just 
 made for oils," said the girl, laughing. "How 
 precious the picture would be to us all!" she con- 
 tinued in a more serious tone, "when . . ." 
 "When I am old and ugly," I added, smiling. "I 
 did not mean that," she answered, "but we might 
 
 [258]
 
 THE PORTRAIT AND A LIE 
 
 not always be with you, and then, in looking at your 
 portrait, it would be like having your dear self, life- 
 like before us. Mamma, you must be painted." "If 
 I were to be hung on my son-in-law's wall, with a 
 somewhat severe expression of face, Emmi might 
 possibly be the better for it; there are proofs that 
 the sight of a picture has roused a conscience for its 
 own good." After a little, I added: "Papa would 
 grudge the money, I am afraid." "It wouldn't be 
 so very ruinous, and, mamma, you could pay for it 
 yourself." "That would merely be taking from the 
 debit and placing it in the credit," said I, putting 
 her off. "All the little money I have put by, little 
 by little, I would give towards it," urged Betti. 
 "Oh, I am so delighted at the thought of the pic- 
 ture!" 
 
 "We shall have to think the matter well over 
 again," said I, putting an end to the conversation. 
 "But come now, Betti, and let us look at the pic- 
 tures, as we proposed to do." 
 
 While wandering from one long room to another, 
 I was conscious that my thoughts were not paying 
 proper heed to the pictures before me, but were more 
 actively engaged than I myself wished with my 
 future portrait. As often as I caught sight of the 
 likeness of any lady, I asked myself, why was her 
 portrait painted, and was she justified in having it 
 done? In a good many cases the portrait had cer- 
 
 [259]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 tainly not been painted for the sake of beauty, more 
 probably for the sake of a likeness. Several were 
 hung so high that it was impossible to judge in their 
 case. When I came to think the whole matter over 
 my half-binding inquiry of Professor Paulsen in 
 Naples, Betti's anxious wish, my Carl's surprise on 
 his birthday, and the fact that I was not growing 
 younger made me see that I ought to give in with- 
 out more ado. I beckoned to Betti and said, "I am 
 wavering about giving in to all your wishes." 
 "Oh, how good of you !" exclaimed Betti in glee. 
 "But, Betti, I haven't sufficient artistic enthusiasm 
 to make my heart take the decisive leap, I must find 
 some picture that will disperse this last bit of un- 
 certainty." "Let us look for it, mamma, I will help 
 you." 
 
 It cannot be denied that a great number of un- 
 usual pictures attracted our attention, and we could 
 scarcely say enough in admiration of the modern 
 masterpieces. Betti thought that the portraits in 
 black as if washed over with liquorice seemed to 
 be the most fashionable; but I was not in favour of 
 that funereal style. "What do you say to this?" 
 she asked me, pointing to a portrait representing a 
 tall lady in an olive-green velvet, and looking as if 
 she would have a friendly reply for any one that ad- 
 dressed her. "Ah, that would be exactly to my lik- 
 ing," said I; "only, I fancy my brown rep would 
 [260]
 
 THE PORTRAIT AND A LIE 
 
 suit me better, and then only about half as large; 
 the smaller frames are sure to be less expensive." 
 "Well, have you quite decided now, mamma 1 ?" 
 asked Betti. "If you think that papa . . ." 
 "That's sure to be all right," she said, rejoicing, put- 
 ting her arm round me ; "you dear, good mother, and 
 so you're really going to be painted!" "Child, 
 child," said I, "you are crushing me to bits. Now 
 let us see who painted that portrait." "Here it is 
 in big letters in the corner," she replied, pointing to 
 the name. "Fritz Paulsen!" said I, reading it. It 
 was quite clear to me now ; it was the decree of fate. 
 
 By the time we left the Exhibition I had made up 
 my mind that Carl should have the surprise on his 
 birthday, for Betti assured me that paintings were 
 not only of lasting value, but that their value in- 
 creased year by year. "If they do that, then there 
 can be no loss," I replied; "and we haven't got to 
 feed them. . . ." 
 
 Frau Buchholz therefore called on Professor 
 Paulsen at his studio. She was received by his wait" 
 ing-woman, Bachmann, who is, I imagine, drawn 
 from life, Stinde and Paulsen being such intimate 
 friends. 
 
 We sat down in a comfortable corner. The Pro- 
 fessor asked me whether I had had lunch, and would 
 not hear of my declining to partake of some refresh- 
 ment. The woman Bachmann was ordered to bring
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 me something; a good cup of soup and a little cold 
 meat. While taking our lunch we discussed the 
 portrait; Heir Paulsen was not in favour of my 
 brown rep from an artistic point of view ; he thought 
 some decided colour would suit me better. So then 
 I suggested my claret coloured dress, which he ap- 
 proved of. I was to give him my first sitting the 
 following day, and in order that my Carl might not 
 notice anything, he proposed that I should send my 
 dress to his house, where it would be carefully placed 
 in the old German cabinet. The woman Bachmann, 
 he said, would help me to arrange my dress, as she 
 was accustomed to do this. I asked if Betti might 
 come with me, for it occurred to me that my daugh- 
 ter might gain something by watching him paint, 
 and perhaps get some artistic hints. However, he 
 said he would prefer that she did not come till after 
 the third sitting, when she would be able to judge 
 of the likeness. He would, he said, be very glad to 
 see her then. . . . 
 
 The picture went on very satisfactorily, and after 
 a few sittings the Frau again lunched with the 
 painter. 
 
 The little refreshment did me good, and the wine 
 was excellent; I could not remember to have ever 
 tasted anything like it, and therefore asked where it 
 came from. It struck me that if the price were not 
 too exorbitant, I might tell Carl to get some for his 
 [262]
 
 THE PORTRAIT AND A LIE 
 
 birthday. "This Johannisgarten I get direct from a 
 friend of mine, Otto Sartorius, the proprietor of a 
 vineyard in Mussbach in the Rhenish Pfalz," he 
 replied. "Does your friend supply other people as 
 well*?" "Send him an order and see; you will be 
 satisfied with what he sends you, I am sure. . . ." 
 
 I could not conceal from myself the fact that I 
 should be too late for dinner, a thing that otherwise 
 never occurred. So I had to think of excuses to give 
 Carl ; but he always notices directly when things are 
 not straightforward, so that I am not at all a good 
 one at inventing stories. . . . 
 
 At home I found them waiting for me. Carl, 
 however, when he saw my embarrassment, welcomed 
 me with the words: "Was the bridge drawn up that 
 you couldn't pass? or did you get into a wrong 
 tramcar*?" "No," I answered hotly, "you needn't 
 imagine me so stupid as that. I have been trying to 
 find out where we can get a good and proper sort of 
 wine." Carl looked at Betti, and Betti looked at 
 him, and both burst out laughing, which made me 
 feel very uncomfortable. "What are you giggling 
 at*?" I asked, a little put out. "So she's been wine- 
 tasting!" said Carl gaily. "Yes, that she has!" I 
 exclaimed, angered by the ridicule, and threw the 
 address of the wine merchant upon the table. 
 "Here's the address if you want to have it, and you 
 may order the wine for your birthday yourself, it 
 
 [263]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 will give me no pleasure now to do it after the way 
 
 you have met me." "Wilhelmine, if I had only 
 
 known " Carl began by way of excusing him- 
 self. "It's the nature of you men; you are for ever, 
 with your rough hands, destroying the delicate 
 threads of affection that women weave for you. But 
 I'll forgive and forget, if only you send off the order 
 to-day. You may as well order wine for punch at 
 the same time. Come, don't crumple the address in 
 that way ! And now let us have dinner." 
 
 We were pretty silent during dinner. I was sorry 
 to have drawn such a thunderstorm down upon Carl, 
 but if I hadn't, he would assuredly have got to the 
 bottom of the secret about the portrait, and, more- 
 over, I should have had double trouble in getting 
 him to order the wine. If Professor Paulsen pays 
 us a visit, we can't offer him anything less good than 
 what he is accustomed to. 
 
 Carl took his dinner hurriedly, and said "Geseg- 
 nete Maklzeif before we others had had our second 
 helping. I was about to run out after him, to tell 
 him that things were not as bad as they seemed, 
 when Betti began: "Why were you so angry, mam- 
 ma'?" "I angry?" "Well, you seemed so, at 
 least." "And I had good reason to be annoyed." 
 "No, mamma, you hadn't." "Indeed !" "What I 
 mean, is, that when you were so long in coming 
 home, papa got anxious, and kept on saying : 'Where 
 
 [264]
 
 THE PORTRAIT AND A LIE 
 
 can mamma be 1 ?' I tried to make excuses, but you 
 know that when papa is serious and asks a question 
 point-blank, one has to tell him the truth." 
 "Well 1 ?" "So I told him that he must remember 
 that his birthday was in a day or two." "Betti, 
 how could you go and tell tales'?" "I knew that 
 papa would be content with that, and it was the 
 truth also. If you had met his jokes in a cheery way, 
 all would have been well. Really, this time I do 
 not know who acted most stupidly." "Betti ! is that 
 the way to speak to me?" "I did not mean to be 
 rude, mamma, but I am old enough now to see that 
 you would have gained more by giving in." "It's 
 a new thing to hear such remarks from you, Betti," 
 said I. She got up, and said in a low voice : "I once 
 thought there was some happiness for me in life 
 we never spoke about it, mamma but it has all 
 passed away now; we have both of us been silent 
 about it, you and I; what was the use of words'? 
 You know it as well as I. The love I thought of 
 giving to that one person, I mean now to divide 
 between you all, as well as I can. Now you know 
 why I have come to look at things differently from 
 what I did. Forgive me, mamma, if I hurt you by 
 what I said. I did not intend to." 
 
 She went away and I was left alone with a heavy 
 heart. Betti had resigned herself to her fate; the 
 spring of her life was past ! It was well that no one 
 
 [265]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 saw how I cried. When I recovered I determined 
 that henceforth her life should be made as pleasant 
 as it was in my power to make it. Not an unkind 
 word should ever cross my lips; and if any one 
 should worry her again, they'd suffer for it! 
 
 Carl had gone to lie down, as was his usual way 
 after dinner; we had knitted him a large sofa blanket 
 for these after-dinner naps. I went to him. When 
 I opened the door he raised his eyes. "Carl," said I, 
 "if you don't care about ordering that wine, leave it." 
 "What is it, Wilhelmine ?" said he, without much 
 interest. "You hadn't any appetite to-day, Carl 
 dear?" "No, I hadn't." "Was it my fault?" 
 "I didn't say it was." "Carl, I was a little excited." 
 "It seemed to me you were. I would advise you, 
 in future, not to go in for wine-tasting, you cannot 
 stand a mixture of things." "Now, Carl, that's a 
 return shot at me. Are you angry, Carl 1 ?" "No, 
 I'm not ; for you can't alter your natural disposition. 
 Why should I be angry?" "Carl," said I, "you've 
 been a very jewel all your born days. I confess I 
 was more violent than need be ; but still, have I ever 
 wished my children a better father than you? The 
 hour will come when I shall stand justified before 
 you; it is not very far off, believe me. Now this 
 evening you shall have the best of beefsteaks for 
 supper, as you ate no dinner. Will you have it 
 cooked with onions or with egg, Carl dear?" 
 [266]
 
 THE PORTRAIT AND A LIE 
 
 "With both?" "And I'll have a glass of genuine 
 Munich beer fetched for you; nobody shall say I 
 haven't a warm heart for you. Now shut your eyes 
 for a little more sleep; when it's time for you to be 
 off to the office, I'll come and wake you." Before 
 I went I gave him a kiss, which pleased him very 
 much. The angel of reconciliation had descended 
 upon us and held watch by his couch. He was well 
 tucked up, too . . . 
 
 A few more sittings and the portrait was done. 
 
 A slight degree of stage-fever seized me, however, 
 when the day came upon which Carl was to be sur- 
 prised. On the previous afternoon Professor Paul- 
 sen came himself, when the picture was to be hung 
 up in our best sitting-room; he wished to see it placed 
 in a proper light, so that even in this respect nothing 
 was omitted. Afterwards I locked the door and 
 took away the key. Betti was all expectation, and 
 kept singing to herself, a thing I had not heard her 
 do for long. 
 
 In the morning we had our coffee with a cake, as 
 upon any other birthday, and we gave Carl several 
 useful things, which pleased him very much. Then 
 I went and unlocked the room and called through 
 the door, "Carl, there's some one in the best room 
 wanting to see you." He seemed a little vexed at 
 being disturbed, but hurried out and we followed 
 him on tiptoe quietly. There he stood as if lost in 
 
 [267]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 contemplation of the picture, but Betti's shoes 
 creaked and he turned round and saw us. "Wil- 
 helmine," he said, with emotion, "my good wife, 
 you could not have given me a greater pleasure than 
 this." He drew me to him and kissed me on the fore- 
 head and mouth. Betti clapped her hands in de- 
 light. "Was I not right, mamma? If only parents 
 would always follow their children's advice !" Carl 
 turned to her and smiled, and then put his other arm 
 round her. This was a birthday such as we had 
 never had, we were so utterly, so heartily happy and 
 content. 
 
 "Do you like the portrait, Carl*?" said I, for of 
 course one likes to have an opinion. "Do you think 
 the likeness good?" "It is you to a nicety," was his 
 answer, "and yet there is something more in it than 
 that; it seems to me as if I had you there again as 
 you were when my bride, as you looked in the days 
 of our first love, do you remember 1 ?" "You mean I 
 look too youthful there, Carl?" "No, not at all, 
 but it awakens my old recollection, and now when 
 I look at you yourself, I see exactly the same expres- 
 sion still in your features. The artist has succeeded 
 in bringing it out more distinctly than we are accus- 
 tomed to see it." "So now you are no longer vexed 
 about my having been late for dinner that day? I 
 
 had just returned from my first sitting " He 
 
 laid his hand gently on my mouth. "The storm 
 [268]
 
 THE PORTRAIT AND A LIE 
 
 passed by very quickly, and it has never really come 
 down upon us, although, at times, there has seemed 
 a good deal of thunder in the air." "Carl, rem^rn- 
 ber I have often had the big washing in my head, 
 
 and " "Wilhelmine, is the picture to have its 
 
 laugh at you *? Look how kindly and pleasantly the 
 painted Frau Buchholz can look down at me." I 
 laughed and said: "Well, I have hung up a nice 
 warning to myself." The door bell then rang. 
 "Children," I exclaimed, "there are visitors coming 
 probably Emmi and Dr. Wrenzchen !" 
 
 And so it was. My son-in-law wanted to offer 
 his good wishes before going off on his rounds, and 
 left Emmi with us for the whole day. The portrait 
 pleased them immensely. Dr. Wrenzchen asked me 
 in private what it cost; I pacified him by saying that 
 it might one day be his. In the evening we had a 
 pretty large gathering of friends, and Carl that 
 best of men ! had actually arranged for us to have 
 " Johannisgarten ;" this came as a surprise for me, 
 and so the merriment lasted far into the night. 
 
 Before getting into bed I went to take a last look 
 at my portrait, and said: "I will do my utmost 
 this I vow ; but to be superhuman is a thing that can't 
 be expected of me, not by any portrait in the world." 
 Carl, who came to see what was keeping me, said: 
 "Why, Wilhelmine, this is ghostly in the extreme; 
 you look as if you were playing the part of the 
 
 [269]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 White Lady, in the picture gallery among the por- 
 traits of her ancestors!" However, I could not re- 
 veal my deeper feelings to him at the moment he 
 was in too jocose a mood. 
 
 [270]
 
 CHAPTER XXII 
 
 THE BUCHHOLZES MAKE AN ENTRY INTO FASHION- 
 ABLE SOCIETY AND RETURN FAMISHED 
 
 A FORTNIGHT ago we received a card the 
 size of a calendar for hanging on a wall, with 
 the words: 
 
 "Assessor Lehmann and his wife do themselves 
 the honour of inviting Herr and Frau Buchholz and 
 daughter to tea on the evening of Saturday, the lyth 
 of January, at 8.30 o'clock. R. S. V. P." 
 
 "Carl," said I, "this is a case of a dress-coat and 
 a white tie for you, and a very important matter as 
 regards dress for Betti and me. I can manage easily, 
 for I shall only need to have my claret-coloured silk, 
 the one I had for the wedding, a little altered. As 
 to Betti, we have found in the last number of the 
 Modenwelt a gem of a dress, which will do admira- 
 bly for the season." 
 
 "Season," exclaimed Carl, "what do you know 
 about the season?"
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 "If the Lehmanns give a tea party, then it's the 
 season," I replied; "Frau Lehmann herself told me 
 that they had to do as others did, their social posi- 
 tion demanded it." "Isn't it more likely that she 
 persuades herself to believe such things'?" "Carl, 
 they have an old Excellency in the family and want 
 to show him off; whether they give their guests any 
 enjoyment by it, we had better not say." Carl 
 laughed, and replied: "Excellencies are always well 
 worth seeing." Whereupon my remark was: "I 
 heartily wish them joy of their Excellency. Heaven 
 knows what good they get of such things. Costly 
 surroundings and a very meagre effect !" 
 
 The Wrenzchens were, of course, invited too. 
 Emmi, who did not know whether we had all been 
 invited from the Landsbergerstrasse, came round to 
 inquire; she wanted also to leave her little dog at 
 our house while she was out, as the animal cannot 
 bear being left with the cook. "Emmi," said I, 
 "that innocent creature might be a warning to you 
 from higher regions, that your cook is a bad char- 
 acter, and it would be wise for you to give her no- 
 tice to leave. Dogs have a very fine knowledge of 
 mankind; your cook must one day have given the 
 creature a secret kick in its ribs, which it cannot for- 
 give. I can sympathise with it there." 
 
 "Mamma," replied Emmi, "Maffi does not really 
 like anybody except Franz and me, and is so fond 
 [272]
 
 FASHIONABLE SOCIETY 
 
 of barking that he snarls at every one, especially 
 when my husband is called out of an evening to a 
 patient. 
 
 All this trouble about the pug the doctor puts up 
 with, owing to those Thursday evenings; he even 
 went himself with Emmi to choose the material for 
 a new dress, and was not as stingy as usual. When 
 I praised him for this in a jocose way by saying, 
 "Now, now, my dear son-in-law, such outlays are 
 altogether out of keeping with your domestic ar- 
 rangements," he replied: "They would be double 
 what they are had we gone into a large house, as 
 somebody suggested." I knew very well that that 
 was a hit at me, but I smiled, saying: "If the house 
 is small, there are beer parties enough to make up 
 for it!" And thus he got what he deserved; but in 
 spite of my momentary triumph, I felt more con- 
 vinced than ever that before long there will be a 
 clash between us, and neither the pug Maffi nor Em- 
 mi's dress will prevent it. But Emmi will then 
 know what she owes to herself and to her family. 
 
 As our invitation was for half-past eight o'clock, 
 we went at about ten o'clock, and arrived in very 
 good time, for the grander an evening is to be, the 
 more abominably late the guests appear. We were 
 far from being the last to arrive, but his old Ex- 
 cellency was already there, and, to a certain extent, 
 formed the brilliant centre of light, owing to his 
 
 [273]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 bald head and his numerous decorations. We were 
 presented to him at once, and His Excellency ex- 
 pressed himself as being very pleased to have the 
 privilege of making our acquaintance. Whereupon 
 I replied, with the most formal of curtseys and visi- 
 ble solemnity, that the privilege was all on our side. 
 By so doing I wished him to see that although we 
 belonged only to the middle class, we were by no 
 means overawed by Excellencies. His Excellency 
 then entered upon a long talk with my Carl about 
 business in general, which I considered wanting in 
 tact, as he might have known that ladies took no 
 great interest in such subjects. I moved aside, there- 
 fore, with a less deep but well-measured curtsey, and 
 amused myself by watching the other guests. The 
 number of persons the Lehmanns had invited was 
 endless. To remember them all one would need 
 have been born with a memory the size of an om- 
 nibus. 
 
 After a time I found myself near the seats of hon- 
 our, namely, round about the sofa where the elderly 
 and most voluminous ladies made a solemn impres- 
 sion by their very dignified appearance and the 
 brand-new ribbons of their caps. Tea was taken 
 without so much as the sound of a word, and with 
 it there was handed round a fruit tart and small 
 narrow knives to eat it with. 
 
 What was there to talk about? All of us being 
 
 [274]
 
 FASHIONABLE SOCIETY 
 
 perfect strangers to one another, no one, of course, 
 cared to open their mouths with a remark about the 
 weather; then one doesn't seem to know enough 
 about the theatres; and household affairs are nat- 
 urally too inferior a subject for the occasion. Guests 
 were, moreover, still coming in, and the crush was 
 so great, one might have supposed the Lehmanns 
 had annexed the waiting-room of a railway station, 
 and that some official would presently be ringing a 
 bell and calling out: "Take your seats, please!" I 
 kept thinking to myself: "I wonder what's to happen 
 next? If we had been in the Landsbergerstrasse we 
 should all long since have been sitting round the 
 supper-table, and would know what we had been 
 invited for." 
 
 The room was now crammed full, and I was se- 
 cretly beginning to denounce the season and these 
 fashionable gatherings, when some one began to play 
 on the piano. The Lehmanns had managed to secure 
 the services of a youth from one of the conserva- 
 toires; he wore huge linen cuffs, only three pairs of 
 which could go to the dozen. This youth then at- 
 tacked Mozart and the audience too ; it was a perfect 
 banging. This roused the canary out of its sleep, 
 and it forthwith began singing at the top of its voice 
 and utterly drowned the music that followed. In 
 fact the musical entertainments could not be con- 
 tinued till the bird's cage had been covered over. 
 
 [275]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 A young lady then rose and filled the room with her 
 shouting. Of melody, in my opinion, there was noth- 
 ing to be heard, but the effect was all the more mel- 
 ancholy. As soon as the applause ceased, she com- 
 menced a second performance. It was of the same 
 doleful colour, enough to give a drill-sergeant the 
 blues. When the accompanyist had wrung out a 
 few melancholy chords by way of conclusion, I said 
 to the lady on my right: "There now, the second 
 child's dead too!" "Whatever do you mean?" she 
 asked. "Oh," I replied, "that's what we say when a 
 mournful piece of music comes to an end." "It was 
 my daughter that was singing," she retorted in a 
 stinging way, and turning her back upon me. 
 
 In order to show her that her behaviour had left 
 me perfectly cool and indifferent, I turned to the 
 lady on my left and endeavoured to start a conver- 
 sation with her, and began by speaking of a flaxen- 
 haired youth, above life-size, who had at that mo- 
 ment entered the room, and seemed a fitting subject 
 for remark. "What kind of genius is that, I won- 
 der?" said I. "Whom do you refer to?" replied 
 the lady. "That very long young man standing 
 there at the door," said I; "you just wait and see if 
 he doesn't cause mischief." "I am not aware that 
 my son has given you any reason for such a re- 
 mark," she answered snappishly. "Pardon me that 
 ever I was born," I replied, remembering that what 
 
 [276]
 
 FASHIONABLE SOCIETY 
 
 one calls out into a wood, the echo brings one back. 
 
 I vowed to myself not to utter a single word more, 
 as I could not possibly know in what relation all 
 these people, whom the Lehmanns had collected in 
 honour of His Excellency, stood to one another; so 
 I allowed my thoughts to speculate about the ways 
 of fashionable society. From these gloomy reflec- 
 tions I was fortunately aroused by supper being an- 
 nounced. 
 
 In the next room, which had been kept locked all 
 the evening, a side table had been arranged with all 
 possible kinds of eatables, and presented a very invit- 
 ing appearance when the doors were thrown open. 
 The gentlemen hurried in and gallantly attended to 
 the ladies. Those ladies, however, who had no spe- 
 cial gentleman to attend to them, and who did not 
 choose to push themselves forward, got nothing. I 
 was among the last to reach the manger, and suc- 
 ceeded only in snatching hold of a small dessert 
 plate and a knife and fork, at the same time I saw 
 that all such dainties as caviare, pates de foie gras, 
 and chicken, had already vanished. Of the turkey 
 nothing was left but the skeleton, and of the fillet of 
 veal only the mark on the dish where it had been. 
 There was, however, still some Italian salad to be 
 had, also some cold sliced meat which, upon closer 
 inspection, proved to be American tinned meat and 
 Brunswick sausage. The jellies, too, had scarcely 
 
 [277]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 been touched. I took a small helping of what was 
 left, and while eating it in discomfort in the midst 
 of a standing crowd, it struck me that one needed 
 experience in this kind of stand-up supper, as not a 
 soul thinks of pressing one to take anything; in fact, 
 the whole proceeding seemed to me a kind of mur- 
 derous attack, and so I quietly envied the sub-lieu- 
 tenants who had been in front of the battle. Betti 
 told me afterwards that her lieutenant had brought 
 her a delicious bit of the breast of a chicken, while he 
 had preferred venison with a goodly supply of 
 caviare. The younger folks had, it seemed, been 
 making engagements with one another, as there was 
 to be dancing later. The Lehmanns thought it bet- 
 ter taste to let His Excellency depart first, so there 
 was a little delay. Wine and punch was handed 
 round, and this brought more life into the conver- 
 sation; His Excellency was meanwhile standing be- 
 neath the chandelier, holding a kind of audience. 
 
 At the beginning of the evening I had stated that 
 that unusually tall young man would be likely to 
 create trouble, and I proved to be right. When I 
 have a presentiment of anything, it always comes 
 true, and moreover, so precisely like what I had im- 
 agined, that I should assuredly have been anointed 
 a prophet had I lived in the Old Testament. 
 
 All of a sudden a fluttering, flapping noise passed 
 through the rooms, and it very soon turned out that 
 
 [278]
 
 FASHIONABLE SOCIETY 
 
 the canary had escaped. The young man just men- 
 tioned, having nothing better to do, no doubt meant 
 merely to amuse himself with the little creature, but 
 his huge awkward hands must have so bent the cage 
 door that it would not close again. 
 
 And now the fuss that was made in trying to catch 
 the bird. Several brooms and a pair of steps were 
 fetched, and an endeavour was made to drive the 
 creature into the adjoining room so as to catch it if 
 it were to settle on the cornice. The bird, however, 
 would neither go into the next room nor on to the 
 cornice. The chase became more and more eager 
 and determined, and the bird became the more be- 
 wildered. The young man who had caused the mis- 
 chief took part in the chase, and in this -way tried to 
 make up for his awkwardness; but just as he was 
 about to make a very vehement thrust with a broom, 
 as if he were playing billiards in the air, he acci- 
 dentally struck the glass chandelier beneath which 
 His Excellency was standing, and fragments of glass 
 came pouring down upon His Excellency's shining 
 pate. 
 
 Although His Excellency was in no way injured, 
 he at once intimated a wish to withdraw, and thus 
 left the company which harboured so dangerous an 
 individual. This greatly distressed the Lehmanns, 
 who seemed quite to lose their heads. They ac- 
 companied His Excellency to the door, and the 
 
 [279]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 Hamburg doctor meanwhile caught the bird, and the 
 dancing commenced. The young people enjoyed 
 themselves immensely, as usual on such occasions, 
 but I did not breathe freely till we were on our way 
 home in a 2nd class "rib-breaker," leaving the stifling 
 heat, the badly arranged refreshments, the host of 
 people to whom we were utterly indifferent, in one 
 word, fashionable society, behind us. 
 
 When we reached home, my Carl said: "Wil- 
 helmine, if you feel as I do, you'd butter us some 
 bread and let us have a couple of bottles of wine. 
 I'm quite hungry." "That's just what I do feel," I 
 answered. So there we sat down at three o'clock of 
 a dark winter's morning, in a cold room with ice on 
 the windows, and refreshed ourselves after all the 
 hardships we had endured. 
 
 [280]
 
 CHAPTER XXIII 
 
 A TERRIBLE DISASTER OCCURS AT THE DOCTOR'S 
 
 HOUSE, AND FRAU BUCHHOLZ MAKES 
 
 THINGS WORSE 
 
 A LITTLE before supper time Emmi came in, 
 2\. and I at once noticed that something was 
 wrong. Here we have it, at last, thought I. I took 
 her into the adjoining room, where supper was laid, 
 and said : "Well, have you come to blows, already*?" 
 "I was weary at home," she replied, "and if Franz 
 chooses to go out to play skat^ surely I may go out 
 too if I please." "Haven't I always told you that? 
 You ought long since to have shown more spirit. 
 Is he coming to fetch you later?" She shook her 
 head negatively. "Have you really had a quarrel, 
 Emmi?" "No, not exactly; but is he always to be 
 in the right?" "Why, I should think not!" "You 
 know, Mamma, that I conscientiously keep an exact 
 account of every small purchase I make, even the 
 milk for Maffi." "By the way, did you bring the 
 
 1*813
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 creature with you*?" "No, he was sleeping when I 
 came away, and I did not care to spend money for 
 a cab on his account. But I want to tell you that 
 Franz maintains it's not the writing down all the 
 items that makes a good housewife, he says it's in 
 keeping down the accounts." "Was it about that 
 you got angry 1 ?" "I merely said he could go and 
 look in the store-room, and he would know where 
 the money had all gone to. I had got in two hams, 
 the string of sausages, butter, and a lot of other 
 things besides." "But, Emmi, what makes you buy 
 so much at a time, when you can have things in fresh 
 when you need them *? If you have too much in the 
 house, the things will only spoil." "Our cook 
 thought we hadn't enough provisions in the house, 
 and Franz doesn't understand these things. It was 
 she, too, who advised me to go out this evening, for 
 she said it would be the best way of putting an end 
 to such disputes." "Emmi, I cannot honestly say 
 that your husband is wrong in the present case," said 
 I, for I had no wish to take the cook's part. "One 
 thing, however, I do approve of is, that you have 
 made a beginning in showing him that you can take 
 refuge in your parents' house. You just wait and 
 see if we shall not all of us remember this Thurs- 
 day." And verily we did remember it. The day is 
 one that will dwell in the memories of us all, how- 
 ever old we may live to be. How I do repent ever 
 
 [282]
 
 A TERRIBLE DISASTER 
 
 having advised Emmi to give tit for tat, in order to 
 get her husband under her thumb. How terribly I 
 had to atone for it all afterwards. And yet I had no 
 presentiment whatever that the tragedy would be- 
 gin that very evening; otherwise I should assuredly 
 have said: "Emmi, you had better go home, things 
 are looking rather askew." 
 
 Emmi herself did not seem to be feeling alto- 
 gether comfortable. She had no appetite, and the 
 later it got the more restless she became. It was 
 somewhat the same with me also. I kept thinking, 
 "What if Dr. Wrenzchen should get wild with rage? 
 They had hitherto lived in the utmost harmony 
 that is to say, all excepting his Thursday evenings 
 out. Yet, had he not stipulated for them at the 
 outset?" A chilly feeling would creep up my spine 
 when I thought that if anything happened I should 
 be blamed for it all, and should never again venture 
 to look my Carl in the face. I was on the point of 
 saying to Emmi: "Don't you think you had better 
 be going? Uncle Fritz will see you home," when we 
 heard a violent ring at the front door. Emmi stared 
 at me, and I at her. It was only misfortune that 
 could have rung the bell in that way. 
 
 My Carl, who saw that neither of us were capable 
 of moving, and had long since noticed that things 
 were not all square, went out to see who was there. 
 He was a horribly long time in coming back, so it 
 
 [283]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 seemed to me ; and when he did return, he called me 
 out of the room. I had made up my mind, of course, 
 that I should probably have to face Dr. Wrenzchen 
 in some degree of wrath; in place of this I found a 
 policeman standing in our entrance; he, in a very 
 formal way, gave us to understand that Dr. Wrenz- 
 chen's house had been broken into, and added that he 
 had been requested to see that the Doctor's wife was 
 informed of the fact in as gentle a way as possible. 
 The Doctor had also commissioned him to say that 
 if the lady were at all afraid, she was to remain over 
 night at the Landsbergerstrasse. 
 
 Emmi, who had hurried out of the room after us, 
 heard all the policeman had said, but nothing would 
 induce her to remain with us. So a cab was quickly 
 procured, and without even bidding the Krauses 
 good-night, we drove off to Dr. Wrenzchen's house. 
 
 We found a pretty state of things there. Dr. 
 Wrenzchen was trying to discover what had been 
 stolen; one policeman helped him in this, another 
 kept watch at the door, and a third was examining 
 the rooms, and entering notes in a pocket-book. 
 Emmi flew to Franz, who greeted her at once with 
 the words: "Things are not so very bad after all. 
 They've not carried off much money ; luckily I went 
 to the bank this morning, and the other things can 
 be replaced in time." She was about to beg forgive- 
 ness for having left the house, but he called it a 
 
 [284]
 
 A TERRIBLE DISASTER 
 
 lucky accident that she happened to be out, as other- 
 wise she might have fared as badly as the servant 
 girl, whom the robbers had gagged with a towel to 
 prevent her calling out, and had also locked her up 
 in a room bound hand and foot; he had found her 
 half unconscious, in this state, when he came in. 
 
 Their rooms did, indeed, present a most murder- 
 ous appearance. In place of newly-married neat- 
 ness and order, that affects the very bones in the 
 larder, everything was in a state of confusion, as if 
 an auction were being held. The robbers had pushed 
 away the escritoire from the wall, and had damaged 
 the writing- table. The doors of a wardrobe were 
 standing open, and clothes were lying about on 
 chairs and on the floor. The doctor's best dress suit 
 had been taken, and an older suit left for him to 
 wear. All the silver was gone, except the candelabra 
 presented to the Doctor at his wedding. Uncle Fritz 
 noticed this, and called out triumphantly, "Now you 
 see they are only plated goods!" The store room 
 had been ransacked: the hams and sausages were 
 gone. The thieves had not shown a spark of rever- 
 ence for anything. 
 
 In consequence of the men's muddy boots, more- 
 over, the house looked as if a caravan had marched 
 through it. Perfectly dreadful! And then the un- 
 pleasant consciousness that the robbers, with their 
 thieving hands, had been rummaging about in boxes 
 
 [285]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 and drawers, doing so probably amid rude jokes, 
 and ridiculing things that were of no value to them, 
 but precious to the young people for recollection's 
 sake. On all sides there were traces of the thieves, 
 and the place even smelt of them. The poet, it is 
 true, says: "Sacred unto all time are the abodes of 
 good men"; but I would say, any abode that has 
 been touched by bad men one will not readily like 
 again in one's life. The Doctor will have to move; 
 no long day of cleaning and scrubbing would ever 
 destroy the picture of horror and desolation those 
 rooms presented. And the burglars where were 
 they? They had vanished like any lovely dream. 
 
 The police forthwith took a statement of what 
 had occurred. The servant-girl was called, and came 
 in with a pocket-handkerchief at her eyes. The peo- 
 ple on the floor above, too, a Herr Greve and his 
 wife and daughter, were asked to come down and 
 state what they knew of the matter. 
 
 The result of all the questionings and answers 
 was that as soon as Frau Wrenzchen had left the 
 house, a man came to fetch the Doctor to see some 
 sick person. The servant-girl had told him where 
 the Doctor was to be found, whereupon the man had 
 replied that perhaps it would be time enough if the 
 Doctor came early in the morning, and asked to be 
 allowed to write down the address. The girl said 
 that she let the man in, but that, at the same mo- 
 
 [286]
 
 A TERRIBLE DISASTER 
 
 ment, a second man had forced his way in, and 
 clapped his hand tightly over her mouth to prevent 
 her screaming; she said she became unconscious then 
 from fright, and when she recovered found that she 
 could neither scream nor move, as she was gagged 
 and bound hand and foot. The Doctor had found 
 her in this state when he came in. Dr. Wrenzchen 
 corroborated the girl's statement, but expressed his 
 astonishment at having, when he came in, found all 
 the doors unlocked, though closed. When he saw 
 what had occurred, he at once called a watchman, 
 and then hurried to summon the police ; they imme- 
 diately declared that the gagging and fettering of 
 the girl, as well as the robbery, must have been com- 
 mitted by several persons; that this was proved alone 
 by the heavy escritoire having been moved from the 
 wall. Herr Greve and his wife maintained that 
 they had not heard any noise in the slightest degree 
 suspicious. 
 
 "What did the rascals look like?" the girl was 
 then asked. She said she couldn't exactly say, but 
 remembered that both of them had full black beards. 
 "How could you be so careless to let in suspicious- 
 looking men, with black beards like swindlers'?" said 
 I to her. The impertinent creature answered that she 
 couldn't tell what people were by looking at their 
 noses. "Why did you not call for help*?" She re- 
 plied that as I wasn't a police-inspector, she didn't 
 
 [287]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 need to answer me. "If you'd a clear conscience you 
 wouldn't be so insolent," I replied. What did I 
 mean by that? I might have my own ideas; per- 
 haps the provisions were bought expressly for the 
 thieves'? I should have to give an account of such 
 speeches. "With pleasure," said I; "I know you 
 well, and think you capable of anything." The 
 doctor was about to interfere, but I exclaimed : "De- 
 pend upon it, she's had her hand in this business; 
 nobody will make me believe otherwise." The girl 
 then flew into a passion, and I can't say what my 
 answers to her were, for she was so utterly wanting 
 in respect. She called the police and Herr and Frau 
 Greve to be witnesses that I had insulted her, and 
 attacked her honour as a respectable servant. The 
 police replied that all this would be enquired into 
 when the case came to be investigated. 
 
 The police then withdrew, leaving us in the ut- 
 most state of excitement. The girl was despatched 
 to make coffee, and we tidied up the rooms, in order 
 that they might recover some sort of physiognomy. 
 The thieves did not seem to have entered the bed- 
 room; but when we came to look and see whether 
 one or other might not have crept under the bed- 
 steads, we found Maffi Pamph lying there dead, with 
 a cord round its neck. They had murdered it, no 
 doubt, amid cold smiles. Herr Greve now remem- 
 [288];
 
 A TERRIBLE DISASTER 
 
 bered to have heard the dog barking, but had not 
 thought anything further about the matter. 
 
 While we were drinking our Mocha, which the 
 girl brought in, casting a wrathful look at me, Un- 
 cle Fritz said: "You'll see, Wilhelmine, that that 
 girl will bring an action against you." "She would 
 never presume to," said I, laughing at the idea. 
 "You were more excited than you had any right to 
 be," said Carl reproachfully. "Carl," said I, "if she 
 had met you as she did me about those craw-fish, 
 you'd never have kept quiet so long. She had to 
 catch it from me, and that pretty smartly." 
 
 Dr. Wrenzchen was most affectionate and gentle 
 towards Emmi, and declared it to be a merciful dis- 
 pensation that his wife should have taken it into 
 her head to pay us a visit on that very evening, and 
 that a great catastrophe had perhaps been thus 
 warded off. 
 
 "Just so," said I, and smiled at Emmi in a know- 
 ing way. We two, of course, knew all the ins and 
 outs about that "dispensation," and how it had been 
 set to work. It had been set agoing by Frau Buch- 
 holz, who at that moment was dipping a bit of cake 
 into her coffee. 
 
 [289]
 
 CHAPTER XXIV 
 
 FRAU BUCHHOLZ SUDDENLY BECOMES A CRIMINAL 
 AND IS PLUNGED INTO DESPAIR AND SHAME 
 
 THE investigations concerning the robbery at 
 Dr. Wrenzchen's house had been concluded, 
 and had led to no further result than that a safety 
 chain and a new lock were put on his front door. 
 The Police-lieutenant's wife told me that the rob- 
 bery had been done according to the usual method 
 of house-breakers, and Dr. Wrenzchen had no choice 
 but to submit to the loss of his silver. I advised 
 him to ask a somewhat higher fee from his patients, 
 so as gradually to recover his loss, but this he re- 
 fused to do; so now they take their meals with 
 plated goods, which is in keeping with their candle- 
 sticks. 
 
 The cook gave notice that she wished to leave, and 
 
 to my great relief, they did not persuade her to 
 
 remain, especially as the girl gave as her reason for 
 
 wishing to leave, that she did not mean on every oc- 
 
 [290]
 
 THE CRIMINAL 
 
 casion to be pulled up by the mother-in-law, and 
 that, moreover, she meant to show that lady that 
 there was justice to be had in Berlin. Dr. Wrenz- 
 chen tried to persuade the girl to be reasonable, but 
 her answer was that she had been called "a base 
 deceiver," and that she wasn't likely to forget that. 
 
 I myself doubted whether she could have accused 
 me of using such words; yet Dr. Wrenzchen de- 
 clared he had heard me say something of the kind, 
 amid other invectives, and he came round to ask me 
 to offer the girl some compensation in money, so as 
 to induce her not to make any further fuss. "Do 
 you mean to think that I would eat humble pie for 
 that wretched creature*?" I answered indignantly; 
 "if I were to do that, it would seem as if I ac- 
 knowledged myself in the wrong." "Do as you 
 please, dear mother-in-law, but as the girl was ac- 
 quitted of the charge of conniving . . ." "She's 
 nevertheless far from being innocent in my eyes." 
 "I would advise you to withdraw your accusations." 
 "I shall not demean myself by any such act of 
 submission; it would be an unheard of proceeding 
 for her to bring an action against me. It's perfectly 
 impossible !" 
 
 It proved however to be perfectly possible. One 
 morning after Carl had gone to his business, a letter 
 was handed in for me, a larger one than I had ever 
 received in my life before, and its very outward ap- 
 
 [291]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 pearance, the very look of the envelope made me 
 suspect some terrible communication. With trem- 
 bling hands I subscribed my name to the paper the 
 postman had handed in for a receipt, and then I 
 opened the letters. Inside were the words : Respect- 
 ing the case of the private action presented by Maria 
 Johanna Band, spinster, against Frau Wilhelmine 
 Buchholz for abusive language. ... I could not 
 read a word more. The letters I could see, of course, 
 but could not make the slightest sense out of them, 
 they so danced before my eyes. This alone seemed 
 clear, I was summoned to appear in court. 
 
 There was no help for it, I had to go to Carl, and 
 yet when I stood before the office door with the 
 letter in my hand, I hadn't the courage to enter. I 
 took hold of the bell, and then let go again; I again 
 took hold of it, but felt I did not dare to ring. Carl 
 had, as yet, no idea what a disgrace was hanging 
 over our heads, and that a public accusation had 
 been brought against his hitherto blameless wife. 
 But, of course, I could not stand there for ever. I 
 opened the door gently and tottered up to his desk. 
 "Carl," said I, timidly, "do read this extraordinary 
 document it is it has I can't understand it." 
 Carl read the paper, and his face assumed a stern 
 expression. "This is vexatious," he exclaimed, 
 "more than vexatious! There are nine charges." 
 "Nine*?" I cried out in amazement, interrupting 
 [292]
 
 THE CRIMINAL 
 
 him. "Yes, nine several points; they are mentioned 
 singly; there, you can read it yourself." "Carl, the 
 girl's impertinence surpasses belief; I merely said 
 that she ought to have taken more care." "Wil- 
 helmine, you quite forgot yourself that day in your 
 anger." "I said no more than I had a right to." 
 "That will be proved when the case is investigated!" 
 "Carl, need it come to that?" "Well, perhaps, 
 it may be settled without your appearing in court. 
 Before the case is investigated an attempt might be 
 made to settle things amicably. You will have to 
 admit having done wrong, pay the girl some small 
 compensation, and there's an end of it. Are you pre- 
 pared to do this?" "Yes," I sighed. "Don't be 
 down-hearted, Wilhelmine, and do not worry un- 
 necessarily; but now, old wine, you must leave me, 
 business is very brisk, and I have a good deal to at- 
 tend to." 
 
 Not to be down-hearted is easily enough prescribed 
 but not so easily managed. Since that legal docu- 
 ment entered our house, my life was nothing but 
 trouble and anxiety; I felt as if a guillotine were 
 perpetually hanging over my head, and I could 
 hardly swallow my food. I could not get rid of the 
 thought that Carl merely pretended to regard the 
 matter lightly, so as to conceal the terrible truth 
 from me. One afternoon, therefore, I went to Uncle 
 Fritz, who is very far from being Carl's equal in 
 
 [293]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 kindness and consideration, and hence I hoped to 
 learn the true state of affairs from him. When he 
 had read the document, he said: "Wilhelmine, the 
 case is ticklish. You abused the girl so, and she must 
 feel pretty sure of her case, for she has as witnesses 
 the two policemen who were present, also Herr 
 Greve and his wife, and Dr. Wrenzchen." "The 
 Doctor against me*?" "It says so here. He can, of 
 course, refuse to stand as a witness, being your son- 
 in-law, but who can tell but that he may not choose 
 to let slip a lovely opportunity of having his re- 
 venge, once in a way. You have had your fling at 
 him often enough!" "Fritz, do you really think 
 him capable of such malice'?" "He might possibly 
 be mollified if you were to promise for ever to re- 
 nounce your guardianship over him as a mother-in- 
 law." "I will promise no such thing," I answered 
 angrily; "now what I want you to tell me is whether 
 you think it likely I shall lose the case." "You 
 may depend upon it, you will ; for remember the po- 
 licemen with their official oaths are against you." 
 I had often heard of the danger of official oaths, and 
 that if they were against one, one's case might be 
 considered as good as lost. "Fritz," said I, "what 
 am I to do? What can I do*?" "The one means of 
 escape you had, you have unfortunately neglected." 
 "I will make up for it now, Fritz; only tell me 
 what I can do. Most assuredly I will make up for 
 
 [294]
 
 THE CRIMINAL 
 
 it now." "Well, you might maintain that you were 
 drunk on the occasion, and plead extenuating cir- 
 cumstances." 
 
 That was too much even for my patience. "Oh 
 you you cannibal!" I exclaimed, flaring up; "do 
 you hold nothing in reverence, not even your own 
 sister's tribulation?" "Come now, Wilhelmine, 
 don't go on like that. Probably they'll let you off 
 on some of the smaller points, and there's little like- 
 lihood of your being sent to prison." "Carl quite 
 expects the matter can be settled by accommodation, 
 what do you think?" "If your accuser had con- 
 sulted a right sort of solicitor, possibly there might 
 have been a reconciliation ; but she seems to have got 
 hold of a left-handed sort of individual; he will 
 probably persuade her to carry matters to an ex- 
 treme to suit his own purposes." "But how will the 
 girl be able to pay the cost of it all." "The party 
 that loses has to fork out; you'll have to do that, 
 my dear." "Oh, how mean, how shameful! To 
 accuse me thus at my own expense. Is that justice?" 
 i "The law precisely." "Then the law ought to be 
 upturned. Fritz, I shall never survive this dis- 
 grace! My days are numbered!" "Console your- 
 self, Wilhelmine; every second respectable person 
 has been punished once in his life. Cheer up!" 
 
 "Is that your advice too!" I exclaimed bitterly; 
 "if you've nothing better to say, you may as well go 
 
 [295]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 and get yourself embalmed ! I spurn such advice as 
 your 'cheer up !' ' Winged with wrath, I left Uncle 
 Fritz, and blamed myself for having exposed myself 
 to being the wretched target of his taunts. Yet, 
 when people lose their heads, they are apt to act 
 senselessly. 
 
 Uncle Fritz proved right about the girl's having 
 engaged a pettifogging lawyer; he was a regular 
 cut-throatish, left-handed kind of individual, so that 
 the attempt at accommodation ended in smoke. 
 
 A few days afterwards came another legal docu- 
 ment, demanding my personal attendance at the 
 Royal Magisterial Bench in Old Moabit, No. ll, 
 12, on Saturday at ten in the morning, Room 29. 
 And even though I might have thought of running 
 off somewhere, what would have been the use? The 
 Court threatened, in case of an undefended non- 
 attendance, to bring the person in by force; and 
 rather than grant to my mortal enemy the sight of 
 my being dragged in before the tribunal between two 
 policemen, I resolved to appear of my own free will, 
 although my nervous system had completely col- 
 lapsed. 
 
 The upsets to my spirit were never ending. 
 Heaven only knows how people came to know that 
 a public action had been brought against me ; among 
 our own acquaintances, the one subject of conversa- 
 tion seemed to be the approaching trial. 
 
 [296]
 
 THE CRIMINAL 
 
 "Much depends upon the judge," said the Police- 
 lieutenant's wife, "and the way you represent the 
 case. What are you going to wear 1 ?" "Simple 
 black," I replied. "The less showy the better, in 
 order that the distinction between you and the plain- 
 tiff is not made to appear too great, and your higher 
 social position is not considered an aggravating cir- 
 cumstance. The coat of arms you were having em- 
 broidered will not be of much use to you in the 
 dock." "I never thought it would. When we keep 
 our carriage I meant to have it painted on the door." 
 "And I only meant to say that ancestors and em- 
 blems will not be of much use if you are found 
 guilty; such disgrace sticks to one for ever." 
 "We've not got that length, however," I remarked. 
 "But you will surely admit that my husband 
 knows something about such matters, and he said 
 that the thunder-clap is as good as down upon you 
 already. Yet we are above all prejudice, and I 
 may add that I do not see any reason why we need 
 give up our old intercourse with you." In the eyes 
 of the world, therefore, I was already condemned. 
 I felt positive the Police-lieutenant's wife would 
 never again drive us out to the Griinewald. Hence- 
 forth I should be one of the outcasts of society. 
 
 This thought robbed me of all the sustaining 
 power I had left. After this I could do nothing but 
 creep about the house if I wanted exercise. I hadn't
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 even the heart to sit at the window, for it seemed to 
 me as if the passers by pointed at me with their fin- 
 gers. Betti tried to persuade me that this was a de- 
 lusion; but one day, with my own eyes, I saw Frau 
 Heimreich walking up and down the other side of 
 the street with her eldest girl, and casting spiteful 
 glances up at our windows. 
 
 Frau Bergfeldt, too, paid me a visit; however, I 
 cannot say that she cheered me up, rather the con- 
 trary. "Good gracious, Frau Buchholz, to think of 
 your having got into the frying pan ! But why need 
 you have struck about you so with the poker *?" 
 "What sort of speech is that to me?" said I indig- 
 nantly. "Well, it's said you belaboured the girl 
 so, that a bloody head was the end of it. So you'll 
 certainly get six months." "There's not a word 
 about blows in the matter; how can you talk such 
 rubbish*?" "I'm sorry for you, Frau Buchholz, but 
 that's what the whole town is saying; yet wherever 
 I go I take your part, and say : 'It's a mercy the cook 
 had a thick noddle, else they'd have had to drag Frau 
 Buchholz on to the scaffold.' " "You call that de- 
 fending me?" "Yes, I do; weren't you always con- 
 siderate to me ... so it would really have grieved 
 me were you to be put on the rack, or anything of 
 that sort." "Good God, protect and defend me! 
 I can swear I never raised a finger against that girl." 
 "Frau Buchholz, don't perjure yourself. How 
 
 [298]
 
 THE CRIMINAL 
 
 could the report have got about, if there was no truth 
 in it"? Maybe the hand in which you held the poker 
 slipped a bit; at all events, that's what I would say to 
 the judge, if I had flown into the ditch as you have 
 done." 
 
 "Frau Bergfeldt," I said in a weak voice, "I can- 
 not bear any more of this kind of talk, I would rather 
 be left alone." "I'm in no hurry," she replied, and 
 kept sitting there, and continued: "It's only at first 
 that you'll feel it, afterwards people'll forget it; 
 one has to forget things. Yet what's in a person the 
 rain'll never "wash off." And in this style on she 
 rattled. It was not till I was miserable both in body 
 and mind that she went. "Betti," I said, with a last 
 effort, "I'm not at home to any one after this, not 
 even though the Great Mogul himself should come 
 running up on hands and feet." 
 
 A real friend came, however, in the person of Frau 
 Helbich, the keeper of the tavern where the Doc- 
 tor and Uncle Fritz played skat, whom Frau Buck- 
 holz had once helped. 
 
 "I am positive," said Frau Helbich, "that you are 
 innocent." "That I am, Frau Helbich; but no one 
 will believe me." "I believe you," she replied 
 briskly, "and that's the reason I have come here. I 
 want to tell you that whatever may be said, the 
 point about the dog is suspicious." "It's of no use 
 saying that; the lawyers sifted the whole matter 
 
 [299]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 thoroughly." "Well, but every one knows that the 
 first thing burglars do is to poison a watch dog." 
 "That doesn't tally, for the dog in the present case 
 was a mere lap-dog." "That's just it; watch dogs 
 are outside the house, and might be got at; the dog 
 at Dr. Wrenzchen's was a lap-dog and was inside 
 the house. Now, who gave it the poison*? That 
 can only have been done by some one in the house." 
 "That doesn't tally either, Frau Helbich, for the 
 dog wasn't poisoned, but throttled by having a string 
 tied round its neck. You are mistaken." "One of 
 our regular midday customers, a student, was posi- 
 tive about this. He said that if the poisoning could 
 be proved, you would be acquitted." "Frau Hel- 
 bich, I am much obliged to you for your sympathy, 
 but the lawyers are likely to know more than a stu- 
 dent and we others who haven't experience in such 
 things. Everything was, of course, thoroughly ex- 
 amined, and nothing was found." "And I had so 
 firmly hoped to render you some assistance, Frau 
 Buchholz; you cannot think how grieved I am for 
 you." With this she began to cry, and I cried too. 
 Of all the attacks upon me this was the most affecting 
 one ; we both felt so utterly helpless. And the fol- 
 lowing day the case was to be examined. I was so 
 downcast that I went to bed before it was dark. My 
 Carl came and sat down beside me. He spoke very 
 kindly, and said that I oughtn't to make matters out 
 [300]
 
 THE CRIMINAL 
 
 worse than they were; but then he hadn't had the 
 many visits of condolence that I had had. "Try and 
 get a good rest," he said, "and do not worry so. 
 When the trial is over, you will quickly recover your 
 old cheerful spirits. You look so snug and comfort- 
 able lying there, now do try and be happier." 
 "Carl," said I, "you surely don't want me to purr 
 like an old torn cat? Even though I could, I 
 wouldn't, in my present state of misery." 
 
 Betti came in and asked me if I cared to have any- 
 thing to eat. "You might bring me a little milk 
 and biscuit later, just enough to support life, but 
 I'm in no hurry." 
 
 I had no appetite. Terrible thoughts seemed to 
 have driven hunger away. In a kind of dose, I 
 dreamed of prisons and executions, and although I 
 tried to persuade myself that this was only the re- 
 sult of Frau Bergfeldt's chatter, as soon as I closed 
 my eyes, the same horrors again rose up before me. 
 
 Carl came in to wish me good night, and Betti 
 insisted upon my taking some food. To please her, 
 I forced myself to take something, and found it 
 tasted better than I had expected. The milk was 
 freshly boiled, and the biscuits crisp. The child 
 also brought me in a night-lamp, which she lighted, 
 and after having kissed me, she too went away. 
 Again I was alone. 
 
 Before me was the last night of my hitherto irre- 
 
 [301]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 proachable life; henceforth I might never again be 
 able to look any one straight in the face. And if I 
 saw two persons nudging each other, and jeering, I 
 should always suspect that it was about me. And if 
 people should look at me rather doubtfully, might 
 they not be quite right in doing so^ Could I ever 
 again condemn a fellow-creature without saying to 
 myself, "You have yourself sat in the dock, and have 
 had sentence passed upon you." Then a proverb 
 crossed my mind, Heaven only knows where I had 
 heard it : "Woe, woe to thee, Wilhelmine ! the right- 
 eous will turn their faces from thee." Sleep was 
 what I wanted; oh, how glad I should have been to 
 get to sleep. 
 
 I lay first on one side, then on the other, and just 
 as I fancied I was about to drop asleep, I became 
 conscious that there were crumbs of biscuit in the 
 bed, and my slightest movement made them irritate 
 and annoy me. Every moment too, there seemed to 
 be more, till the torture became unbearable, and 
 there was nothing for it but to get out of my bed 
 and remake it. This, I felt, did my spirits some 
 good, but of sleep there was none to be got. 
 
 I lay and tumbled about as much as before. 
 There! Wasn't that a crumb again*? Yes, to be 
 sure it was. A few must have got on to the mat in 
 front of the bed, and stuck to my bare feet. And 
 truly the whole lot of them seemed to have come 
 [302]
 
 THE CRIMINAL 
 
 marching back again. I felt in despair, and cried in 
 my vexation and helplessness. By what small means 
 God can punish us a single crumb of biscuit is 
 enough ! I knew that I had not always done what I 
 ought to have done, but had I really deserved such 
 terrible chastisement*? It was long since I had folded 
 my hands in prayer; now they found their way to 
 each other of their own accord, and I humbly prayed 
 for help. Then I crept out of bed a second time, and 
 remade it with the utmost care. When I lay down 
 again a gentle peacefulness seemed to have come 
 over me, and sleep came with it. 
 
 Never had I even seen the law court in the Moabit 
 district, and now I was actually to appear as a de- 
 linquent there myself. "Over yonder is the court- 
 yard where the executions take place," said Uncle 
 Fritz, pointing to a wall. I shuddered. But Fritz 
 continued: "As long as Krauts keeps on his white 
 gloves he's not dangerous ; when, however, he begins 
 to take them off . . ." Carl here forbade Fritz to 
 talk in that manner, and gave me his arm. He asked 
 for Room 29; we were shown the way, and at the 
 end of a long corridor, we reached the antechamber. 
 Some people were sitting there on benches, others 
 were standing about. Herr Greve and his wife were 
 there, also some policemen and Dr. Wrenzchen. And 
 that wretch of a girl too I caught sight of, she who 
 was the cause of all this worry and trouble. 
 
 [303]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 The door of Room 29 was then opened, and a law- 
 yer's clerk read out from some document the words : 
 "Ahrens versus Meier." Several persons who had 
 been waiting went in, and after a short time came 
 out again. They had come to terms at the last 
 moment, fortunate people that they were! "Band 
 versus Buchholz" was then called out. My brain 
 was all in a whirl. I tottered forward, my limbs 
 feeling as heavy as though I had been walking in 
 dough, and more like a dead paddock than a human 
 being. A small square place like a box was pointed 
 out to me, and there I sat down upon a chair. This 
 was the barricade to separate the accused person 
 from the rest of the world. 
 
 At a raised table covered with green baize, sat the 
 magistrate, his assessors, and the clerk of the law 
 court. The latter read out the indictment. On the 
 right sat the plaintiff, in the middle were the wit- 
 nesses who had been called, and behind them sat 
 the public, a barrier separating them from those tak- 
 ing part in the proceedings. 
 
 Everything that I was supposed to have said was 
 then read out. And, oh! how offensive the words 
 sounded in the mouth of a man who knew nothing 
 about the matter and who hadn't even been present. 
 And this I had to listen to ! The magistrate, looking 
 very solemn in his black gown, then said that the 
 statements of the witnesses would have to be con- 
 [304]
 
 THE CRIMINAL 
 
 firmed on oath, and after giving them an impressive 
 exhortation, they were asked to retire. When they 
 had left the room the magistrate addressed the plain- 
 tiff and me, and gave us to understand that it would 
 be much the wiser plan for us to settle the matter 
 quietly by accommodation, and asked if we would 
 agree to this. 
 
 "Yes," I sighed. 
 
 "No," said the girl ; she had her reputation as well 
 as grander folks, and didn't mean to be trodden 
 upon. 
 
 No such thing had been done, replied the magis- 
 trate, and moreover, what advantage would it be 
 to her to persist in the punishment of a lady of ir- 
 reproachable character? Frau Buchholz was willing 
 to retract her words, and to bear the costs of the 
 trial, whereby her honour would be pefectly satisfied. 
 
 The servant girl maintained that she would not 
 agree to this. Frau Buchholz should be imprisoned 
 and pay 3000 marks damages, that's what she de- 
 manded. The magistrate thereupon replied in a very 
 severe tone of voice : "You have nothing whatever to 
 demand." Her solicitor had told her she had. 
 Then she must have employed a very strange kind of 
 solicitor. He knew as much and more than other 
 lawyers. That remains to be proved. 
 
 As there was thus no likelihood of any amicable 
 settlement to the dispute, the proceedings com- 
 
 [305]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 menced. Dr. Wrenzchen was called in as the first 
 witness. The magistrate drew his attention to the 
 fact that, as a relative of the defendant, he had a 
 right to decline to stand as a witness. "What will 
 he do*?" thought I. "Will he take his revenge, and 
 thus bring about an eternal breach between us*?" 
 
 The Doctor said he should refrain from making 
 any statement, but wished to express his surprise at 
 the impudence of the plaintiff in claiming him as a 
 witness on her side. This remark of the Doctor's 
 seemed to me the greatest possible proof of nobility 
 of soul, and never shall I forget it. 
 
 The magistrate then asked Herr Greve whether he 
 had heard the defendant call the plaintiff a base de- 
 ceiver on the evening in question. Herr Greve re- 
 plied that he could not remember to have heard ex- 
 actly those words. He was further asked whether 
 he had heard the defendant say of the plaintiff that 
 she was "a very Jezebel ?" Herr Greve replied that 
 he did remember this, it having struck him as strange 
 that a lady of culture should have used such an ex- 
 pression, and he attributed it to her being in a state 
 of great excitement. 
 
 "Mr. Magistrate and gentlemen, I can furnish a 
 true statement of what happened, and beg you to 
 hear what my witness has to say. That girl has 
 always behaved in a rude and impertinent manner 
 towards me." Uncle Fritz was then called. As he
 
 THE CRIMINAL 
 
 came forward the abusive creature exclaimed: 
 "That's a witness I won't have." "The admissibil- 
 ity of a witness is determined by the court," said the 
 presiding judge. "I don't care, I won't agree to it. 
 He once wanted to pinch my cheek, and I gave him 
 a crack across his fingers for his impudence; since 
 then he's been always against me." "I hope no one 
 will credit me with such bad taste," was Uncle 
 Fritz's reply. The magistrate, however, requested 
 him to be serious, and to keep to the point in ques- 
 tion. 
 
 Uncle Fritz then stated that the plaintiff, without 
 any obvious reason, had invariably acted in a repre- 
 hensible way towards the defendant. This had 
 struck him whenever they had met at Dr. Wrenz- 
 chen's house. "What reason had the defendant 
 given you for acting thus?" asked the magistrate. 
 "Well, I can't bear any one coming peering into my 
 pans when I'm cooking," was her reply. 
 
 "Of course not!" I exclaimed; "you didn't want 
 an experienced housewife noticing how her daughter 
 was being taken in at every turn and corner ! How 
 was it that, notwithstanding their simple life, their 
 expenses were so enormously high, in spite of my 
 daughter keeping an exact account of her outlays'? 
 Dr. Wrenzchen was himself becoming suspicious. 
 Her object, Mr. Magistrate, was probably to 
 frighten me out of the house, in order that she 
 
 [307]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 might prey upon an inexperienced housewife, and 
 that, too, was probably her reason for making the 
 fuss about the craw-fish." "That's a new insult to 
 be added to the list," the servant girl called out in 
 a loud voice. Dr. Wrenzchen, however, supported 
 my statement. 
 
 The most ticklish point in the case was, however, 
 still to come. The magistrate observed : there seems 
 to have been provocation for the alleged insulting 
 speeches, but the defendant's assertion that the plain- 
 tiff made common cause, with the burglars, might be 
 likely seriously to injure the plaintiff's prospects in 
 life. 
 
 The policemen were then examined, and stated 
 that I had certainly declared that the provisions had 
 been purchased specially with a view to the rob- 
 bers, and also that I had undoubtedly maintained 
 that the plaintiff had had a hand in the matter. 
 This they affirmed on oath, as did also Herr Greve 
 and his wife. 
 
 A buzzing sound seemed to fill my head. I felt 
 as if the floor of the room had suddenly become 
 aslant, and that I should not be able to prevent my- 
 self slipping down. Nervously, I clutched hold of 
 the chair, as I saw the magistrate rise and say to his 
 colleagues, "You will agree, I think, that some mild 
 form of punishment is all that is necessary." 
 
 In the vain hope that some assistance might yet 
 
 [308]
 
 THE CRIMINAL 
 
 be forthcoming, my eyes wandered anxiously round 
 the room ; and I caught sight of one face upon which 
 all the compassion in the world seemed to be concen- 
 trated, and tearful eyes that looked at me in a dumb 
 but beseeching way. I understood the beseeching 
 look of plump little Frau Helbich, and, as if by 
 some inspiration, I rose up and said aloud, "Mr. 
 Magistrate and gentlemen, I should like to ask my 
 accuser one more question, let her confess why she 
 poisoned the dog." 
 
 A pin might have been heard fall, the silence wa3 
 so great. The servant girl changed colour, and 
 seemed to lose her self-possession. "I never could 
 endure the animal," she burst out. "So you admit 
 having poisoned the dog*?" said the magistrate, giv- 
 ing her a penetrating look. "It was simply to pro- 
 voke me that they called the creature Maffi Pamph, 
 because my name was Marie Band." "And was that 
 sufficient reason for your despatching the animal?" 
 "I couldn't stand the name any longer." "Mr. 
 Magistrate," I interposed, "Maffi is merely an ab- 
 breviation of Moppel, and Uncle Fritz added the 
 name Pamph." "Really," exclaimed the girl, cast- 
 ing a malicious glance at me, "there's no one here 
 likely to believe that!" "But it's true," I replied; 
 "everything that's soft and for petting begins with an 
 'M,' surely no one would ever think of taking a 
 crocodile or a rattlesnake on to their lap to stroke 
 
 [309]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 and fondle, and call either of them 'My mousie,' or 
 'my minikin.' " The magistrate interrupted me by 
 saying, "I must ask you not to wander from the 
 point. I understand you had absolutely no intention 
 of annoying the plaintiff by giving the little dog the 
 name of Maffi Pamph?" 
 
 "Goodness me, of course not! We never meant 
 anybody by that name. That's a mere shuffling ex- 
 cuse of the girl's. The dog barked at every one in a 
 horrid way ; Herr Greve can tell you that, and it was 
 very necessary on the evening of the robbery that it 
 should be quiet, else Herr Greve might have come 
 down, alarmed by the noise, and have surprised the 
 burglars. Moreover, the dog would never let her 
 touch it, so that she must have put the poison in its 
 food." "That's a downright lie!" exclaimed the 
 girl. "You have, however, already half admitted 
 having given the animal poison," said the magis- 
 trate, turning to the plaintiff; "it would be well for 
 you to tell us the whole truth. Your denying mat- 
 ters will not help you ; science has means of proving 
 whether the dog was poisoned or not." "Well 
 then, I did give it a powder to be rid of it." 
 
 "And where did you get the powder*?" "From 
 an apothecary." "Which apothecary 4 ?" "I don't 
 remember now." "Try and recollect, it would be 
 strange if you had forgotten that." "I didn't fetch 
 it myself." "Who was it did you the favour to
 
 THE CRIMINAL 
 
 fetch it*?" "An acquaintance." "What was the 
 name of this acquaintance of yours?" "It was a 
 man I didn't know, I asked him." "Again one of 
 the great unknown !" said the magistrate, and there- 
 upon made a sign to the clerk, and whispered some 
 words into his ear. The clerk left the room and re- 
 turned with a policeman. The magistrate rose and 
 said, "There are grave reasons for thinking that the 
 plaintiff, Marie Band, spinster, was implicated in 
 the robbery at the house of Dr. Wrenzchen, she must 
 be placed under arrest, and the case enquired into 
 again. The private charge against Frau Buchholz 
 may be considered as withdrawn." 
 
 Marie Band had to follow the policeman and be 
 put in prison I was free. 
 
 We left Room 29, to make way for others. It is 
 to be hoped that this is the first and last time I shall 
 ever have to enter it. But should it happen that I 
 have again to attend, I shall be able to assume a very 
 different tone, for I have now become quite familiar 
 with legal phraseology. 
 
 When we got outside and could breathe freely 
 again, as if some great danger had been evaded, little 
 Frau Helbich came waddling up to me, offering her 
 heartfelt congratulations. "Frau Helbich," said I, 
 "you have a very penetrating insight into things; 
 what would have become of me had you not been in 
 Court*?" "All happened as it was ordained," she
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 replied; "our heavenly Father rendered you assist- 
 ance, He put all things right in His own good time." 
 I pressed her hand, and said: "And you were the 
 Seraphin sent to help me!" We understood each 
 other. 
 
 A few days afterwards I received another legal 
 document announcing that the private charge against 
 me was withdrawn. 
 
 The girl had been induced to make a full confes- 
 sion. Maffi Pamph was sent, like any human be- 
 ing, in a sealed box to a chemist, who turned him 
 inside out, and found an inconceivable amount of 
 poison in him, which the greedy creature must have 
 consumed. The rope round its neck was a case of 
 mere sham fighting, as was also the girl's being tied 
 hand and foot and gagged. It also came out that the 
 accomplice had, at first, addressed the girl as a lover, 
 and that she had entrapped him partly by love and 
 partly by stolen goods. Of course if she had not 
 been thievishly inclined by nature, she would never 
 have acted thus. I had always maintained that she 
 was a good-for-nothing, and Maffi had evidently 
 thought the same. . . . 
 
 [312]
 
 CHAPTER XXV 
 
 FRAU BUCHHOLZ HAS TO VISIT CARLSBAD FOR HER 
 HEALTH AND WHILE THERE SHE RE- 
 CEIVES TREMENDOUS NEWS 
 
 THERE was no use fighting against it or trying 
 to deceive myself; the experiences of the past 
 weeks had completely damped my spirits, and how- 
 ever great an effort I might make to smile like the 
 jaws exhibited in dentist's windows -my temper 
 became daily more and more disagreeable, and my 
 complexion yellowish-grey in colour. After the trial 
 I had most firmly resolved that in future I would 
 always be most gentle and submissive towards Carl, 
 but I found it absolutely impossible to control my 
 irritable nature; and so I made his life as well as 
 Betti's miserable, without really wishing to do so. 
 A fly on the wall would annoy me, and I would scold 
 them both for it. Frau Helbich one day brought 
 me a small bottle of home-made Swedish essence of 
 life, but it upset my stomach, and I took a perfect 
 dislike to it. In fact I was ill. 
 
 [313]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 When matters had become so bad that they could 
 scarcely have been worse, I, at last, did what Carl 
 had wanted me to do at the outset, and agreed to 
 consult Dr. Wrenzchen. "He was so extremely con- 
 siderate towards you at the time of the trial," said 
 Carl, "that I am sure you can place full confidence in 
 him." But I was myself afraid that the doctor 
 might prescribe me some medicine to harm me. My 
 mind had become so darkened. At last, however, 
 he had to be called in. 
 
 The doctor examined me very carefully, and then 
 said that the only thing that would restore me to 
 health was a prolonged stay at Carlsbad and use of 
 the waters. "No, no," was my reply, "I'll not sub- 
 mit to be sent so far off as that. What will become 
 of things here, if I am away*?" "You can leave us 
 here with a perfectly easy mind, and the sooner you 
 start the better," replied the doctor. "So that I 
 may be out of your way, I suppose!" "In order 
 that your complaint may not become chronic." 
 "But what if Emmi should require her mother*?" 
 "If you want to get well for your own and for 
 your children's sake, follow my orders ; as your son- 
 in-law I will consider you as far as possible ; as your 
 medical man, however, I have no consideration, and 
 must ask you to obey me. Either you go off to 
 Carlsbad in a few days, or I send you a notary that 
 you may make your will."
 
 AT CARLSBAD 
 
 Those words of his had effect. The necessary 
 preparations were soon made, and after a miserably 
 sad "good-bye," Betti and I got into the train. How 
 could I know whether I might not be hurrying 
 straight into the jaws of death, in place of to Carls- 
 bad. 
 
 Betti had at once determined to accompany me, 
 and put up with my unintentional ill-humour in the 
 most forbearing way. She had, indeed, become per- 
 fectly changed since sorrow had entered into her 
 life. Formerly there had always been slamming of 
 doors, and tossing back of heads if anything was not 
 to her liking; now she went about so quietly one 
 scarcely heard her, and was all loving devotion. I 
 had had sorrow enough myself; but in my case it 
 had all turned to gall and bitterness. I wondered 
 whether Carlsbad would prove of any use to me! 
 I doubted it. 
 
 While at Carlsbad the Buchholzes made a few 
 friends^ chief of them Papa Michaelson, an old 
 habitue. 
 
 One morning when we were sitting peaceably at 
 Pupp's having our coffee, Betti with hers quite of 
 the wrong sort, more than half milk, we two old 
 people with the right sort as prescribed, with no 
 more cream than sensible folks have ever been in the 
 habit of taking since the days of Adam all of a 
 sudden up comes a telegraph boy with a message 
 
 [315]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 for me; he was accompanied by the maidservant 
 from our lodgings, so as to make sure of finding me. 
 I opened the envelope and read : 
 
 "A healthy boy, brown eyes, exactly like his fa- 
 ther. Is to be called Franz. Mother doing extremely 
 well. WRENZCHEN." 
 
 This news came most unexpectedly. Papa 
 Michaelson congratulated me very heartily, and at 
 once gave Betti her new title of Auntie. However, 
 I could not join in any such merriment, for I kept 
 thinking who there was to superintend matters if I 
 was not there. A further surprise awaited me, how- 
 ever. Scarcely half an hour later a second telegram 
 was put into my hands, with the words : 
 
 "A healthy boy, blue eyes, exactly like his mother, 
 is to be called Fritz. The father as well as can be 
 expected! WRENZCHEN." 
 
 "Herr Michaelsen," said I, "I do not know whether 
 my reason has been affected by the use of the wa- 
 ters, or what can have happened. First I'm told it's 
 a boy with brown eyes, and now suddenly it's said 
 they're blue." 
 
 "It does sometimes happen that eyes differ in col- 
 our," said Papa Michaelsen learnedly; "and accord- 
 ing to Darwin it is a case of atavism, but the short 
 space of time in which it has occurred in your grand-
 
 AT CARLSBAD 
 
 son's case renders it a matter of extreme interest. It 
 will certainly have to be reported to one of our sci- 
 entific periodicals." 
 
 "But why should the child first be called Franz 
 and then Fritz? At first it's said to be like the 
 father, and then like the mother! This is surely a 
 human impossibility." 
 
 Papa Michaelsen gave me a very sly look across 
 the top of his spectacles and said: "What if there 
 should be two?" 
 
 "Two !" I exclaimed, "when they're only prepared 
 for one. No, that's nonsense! But I seem to un- 
 derstand it now; those words, 'the father is as well 
 as can be expected/ are Uncle Fritz's and nobody 
 else's; all I can say is that such jokes are not very 
 likely to assist my cure." 
 
 Next day, however, there came a letter from Carl, 
 announcing the arrival of the twins. He said Uncle 
 Fritz had, no doubt, sent me a telegram, and told 
 me that the children were to be called Franz and 
 Fritz. Dr. Wrenzchen had no time to telegraph 
 himself, and had begged Uncle Fritz to send a mes- 
 sage. Emmi was doing very well and was supremely 
 happy. 
 
 Franz and Fritz! The names were not at all to 
 my liking. The one might, of course, be called 
 Franz after the Doctor, but would it not have been 
 much better to have called the second Wilhelm, in 
 
 [317]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 honour of the Emperor as well as of myself? A nice 
 family ours will become with a number of persons 
 with the same name. It will end in their having 
 all to be called by their full names, else there will 
 be a perpetual confusion. I could perfectly well fore- 
 see the muddle there would be in days to come. 
 
 Carl's letter had a postscript. "Franz was born 
 during the last hour of the last day in May : Fritz 
 during the first hour of the first day in June. What 
 do you say to that*?" 
 
 "That, of course, it's natural enough there should 
 be endless stupidity when I'm not by to see to things 
 myself," I exclaimed excitedly. "The poor children ! 
 Not a soul will take them to be twins when their 
 birthdays come to be celebrated one in May and the 
 other in June. And then to think of their names, 
 Franz and Fritz. They might as well have been 
 called Max and Moritz" 
 
 "Herr Michaelsen," said I, "we must be off home 
 at once; I cannot be spared a moment longer from 
 Berlin. If I delay I shouldn't wonder if the Bran- 
 denberg Gate were moved from its place, such un- 
 heard of things are going on there." 
 
 "Is the river Spree on fire, then*?" 
 
 "If it were no more than that ! But only think, 
 my son-in-law has absolutely got no one to keep an 
 eye upon him !" 
 
 Our return home was a most joyful one, and when
 
 AT CARLSBAD 
 
 I pressed my first kiss on the little foreheads of my 
 two baby grandsons, truly everything did seem to me 
 perfectly as it should be; for, after all, the two lit- 
 tle creatures could not be made responsible for their 
 father, and he, too, moreover, will henceforth have 
 to play a subordinate part, as everything naturally 
 will have to turn upon the children. I at once took 
 my post at the Doctor's house, during the day-time. 
 He objected to this at first, but I asked him: "Do 
 you mean to kill your wife and babes'?" That made 
 him give in. And how well he was cared for him- 
 self, now that I could look after things in the kitchen 
 without fear of the cook. After a week's time he 
 regularly beamed on me. 
 
 Emmi recovered day by day. And under my su- 
 perintendence she got only what was good for her 
 and strengthened her. If ever there was a Cerberus, 
 it was me during those days in and out of my daugh- 
 ter's room. One thing that did displease me was 
 that, in place of having cradles, little immovable 
 bedsteads had been ordered. Emmi told me Franz 
 had said that rocking was not considered hygienic, 
 and apt to make children stupid. "Wasn't he him- 
 self brought up in the old fashion," said I, "and 
 he's come to be a doctor ! Well, maybe, if it hadn't 
 been for the rocking he got as an infant, he'd long 
 since have been a member of the Medical Council." 
 
 Many a time I wished for a cradle, especially for 
 
 [319]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 little Franz, who was of a crying disposition, and 
 Grandmamma Buchholz had to carry him about in 
 her arms till he was quiet. I told the Doctor that 
 such fits of crying had never occurred in our fam- 
 ily, and that the bad habit must have been transmit- 
 ted from his side. His reply was: "Dear mother- 
 in-law, it's only external." 
 
 Of an evening Carl or Uncle Fritz would come 
 and fetch me, and at the same time enquire how 
 things were progressing. On the Thursday evening 
 Dr. Wrenzchen did not go out, much to my sur- 
 prise. Something did, it is true, seem amiss with 
 him all day long, and as evening approached I could 
 distinctly see how much the usual evening gathering 
 seemed to be upon his mind. 
 
 Towards 8 o'clock Dr. Paber called to ask him 
 whether they might expect him at the Medical So- 
 ciety later*? I begged Dr. Paber to remain with us 
 to supper, saying that I would send the servant 
 round with a message, and that Dr. Wrenzchen 
 would so enjoy a quiet talk with him here. Dr. Pa- 
 ber agreed to remain, and as there was cold roast 
 veal, I prepared an extra good salad of meat with 
 mayonnaise and capers, and decorated it with sliced 
 radishes and not too much gherkin; they thought it 
 delicious. When supper was over I had a large jug 
 of special brew fetched, and my son-in-law thereupon 
 said, "If we could have a game of skat here, I 
 [320]
 
 AT CARLSBAD 
 
 wouldn't change places with a king!" Dr. Paber 
 looked at me and said kindly: "How would it be 
 for you to try a hand for once, dear Frau Buchholz*?" 
 "What! I play skat?" I exclaimed. "You must 
 know something about this entertaining game, from 
 having watched others play it," continued Dr. Pa- 
 ber. "Come, dear mother-in-law, don't be a silly," 
 said the Doctor. "I do not think I have any talent 
 for card-playing," said I. But the Doctor had al- 
 ready fetched the boards, and the two gentlemen 
 commenced to teach me the rules with great patience, 
 without, however, letting me into the secret of some 
 of the best moves, as I found out afterwards, when 
 Uncle Fritz appeared and he sat down beside me 
 and helped me. And actually I won the game. Dr. 
 Paber declared he had never seen a lady with more 
 natural talent for skat. 
 
 So there I sat with the three gentlemen who gave 
 themselves every conceivable trouble to lead another 
 fellow-creature astray into the vice of card-playing; 
 and, as I must unfortunately admit, they succeeded 
 very well, for it was nearly midnight before we had 
 finished. My gains I divided into two portions, one 
 for Franz and the other for Fritz. I had become 
 somewhat reconciled to the name Fritz, when Dr. 
 Wrenzchen assured me that their first daughter 
 should be called Wilhelmine. He knows how fond 
 I am of acting as godmother. 
 
 [321]
 
 CHAPTER XXVI 
 
 IN WHICH BETTI COMES WITHIN SIGHT OF HAPPI- 
 NESS ONCE MORE, AND CARL AGAIN IS 
 GUILTY OF RETICENCE 
 
 News of Herr Schmidt now arrives. A visit from 
 Herr Max clears up the mystery. It seems that Herr 
 Schmidt had been unfortunately involved with a girl 
 the girl of the red paper cap, who had played the 
 harpy. It was to avoid her that he had left Berlin. 
 Now, however, she had married an artizan, and Fe- 
 lix felt himself free, with Frau Buckkolz's consent, 
 to make those advances to Betti which he had al- 
 ways longed for but could not honourably make 
 while he was compromised. So far Herr Max. 
 
 I SAID nothing. Could I declare him free from 
 blame 1 ? No. And yet I felt he had not acted 
 dishonourably towards us. He did not press himself 
 upon us; it was I that encouraged him; he had never 
 spoken to Betti of love, had never promised her any- 
 [322]
 
 HAPPINESS AGAIN 
 
 thing, or asked any promise from her. Of that I was 
 convinced. And yet in both their hearts there had 
 quietly and secretly bloomed hopes that had as se- 
 cretly and quietly withered destroyed by the levity 
 of Sunday amusements. 
 
 "Has Felix acted so very badly, that you have no 
 word of pardon for him?" asked Herr Max. "Of 
 what good would my pardon be to him?" I replied. 
 "It would be everything to him, it would enable 
 him to hope that he might again present himself at 
 your house." "It is too late now, Betti has resigned 
 herself to her fate, and lost love is not apt to re- 
 turn." 
 
 Herr Max rose hurriedly: "I cannot and will not 
 tell him that," he said excitedly; "he hopes for a 
 kind message. He must have it." Herr Max spoke 
 so warmly and feelingly for his friend that I could 
 not but be affected myself, and therefore said: "I 
 cannot decide this matter alone, others have a word 
 to say as well," and with this I rang the bell, and 
 sent Doris down to Carl, who was in the office, to 
 ask him to come up to me. He came at once, and 
 when he saw Herr Max, greeted him in a very 
 friendly manner, and said: "Well, and how do 
 matters stand now, my young friend?" "The mar- 
 riage took place the day before yesterday," was his 
 answer. "Now, Carl, how's this?" I exclaimed, as- 
 tonished; "how is it that you know about all this?" 
 
 [323]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 "Herr Felix Schmidt was honest enough to tell me 
 the circumstances that compelled him to leave Ber- 
 lin; and I could only approve of his actions." "And 
 me you have kept all this from me? Carl, I do 
 think . . ." "Now, Wilhelmine, do me the favour 
 and look up at your portrait for a minute? Why 
 should you have been worried about the matter un- 
 necessarily? I myself had begun to doubt whether 
 things could ever come right, and therefore consid- 
 ered it better not to recall the past. The question 
 now is whether Betti has forgotten him or not?" 
 "She doesn't seem to think of him at all !" "Yet 
 it may only seem so," interposed Herr Max. "Well, 
 I will try and find out; still, I do not think there 
 will be much use now; as soon as she hears all the 
 particulars, she will draw back. She has her pride." 
 Whereupon my Carl replied : "When the time comes, 
 he will tell her all himself. We have no right to 
 abuse the confidence he has placed in us. He has re- 
 pented and atoned for his folly, by having had to 
 conceal his love for her. Can you ask more? He 
 who is without sin let him cast the first stone!" 
 "Carl, I hope you'll be able to cast the stone your- 
 self." He laughed, and said: "My wife has al- 
 ready given in, I see; come and fetch your answer 
 to-morrow, Herr Max." "Do not come yourself, 
 that might strike Betti as peculiar," I urged; "if 
 things look promising, I will put this red hyacinth 
 
 [324]
 
 HAPPINESS AGAIN 
 
 on the ledge between the windows." "Thank you," 
 replied Herr Max; "I will pass your house the first 
 thing in the morning, and will look up." Thereupon 
 he took leave of us and went away. I could not help 
 thinking that any one who had so devoted a friend 
 could not possibly be a bad man. If only youth were 
 not so overflowing with spirit and thoughtlessness! 
 Yet, perhaps, were it not so, that little boy would 
 be lying dead in his grave. 
 
 I could not help letting Carl know a little what 
 I thought of his egotistical silence, but my words 
 seemed as good as thrown away upon him, the fu- 
 ture seemed all so rosy-coloured to him now. He 
 wanted to have Felix Schmidt as a partner, and 
 would not think of anything else. "I should have 
 such a support in him, Minchen, for he understands 
 the manufactures. Away in Saxony, where he now 
 is, they want him to become a partner." "How do 
 you know that?" "The firm applied to me about 
 him, as he had referred them to me." "And what 
 did you say*?" "First and foremost, that he was an 
 upright man, and that I should place full confidence 
 in him myself." 
 
 After supper, Carl went out a little for a glass of 
 beer, and I waited for Betti, who came in at the 
 usual hour. \Betti> I should say, had been trying her 
 hand at writing and had been to see Amanda Ku- 
 lecke, to read something to her.] Amanda had said 
 
 [325]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 to her: "Betti, a story must have something about 
 love in it, no matter whether it ends happily or un- 
 happily, but of love there must be something." 
 "Well, Betti, won't you try 1 ?" said I, by way of re- 
 connoitring, and I felt my heart beginning to beat 
 faster. "Am I to write about happiness and love 
 with tears in my own eyes, Mamma*?" she replied 
 sorrowfully. "You might," I added, continuing my 
 own train of thought, while my heart beat faster and 
 faster; "you might describe two young people loving 
 one another without acknowledging it; make the 
 lover go far away to earn a livelihood, or something 
 of the sort, meaning to return when he had made 
 enough, but finds then that the girl has meanwhile 
 forgotten him." 
 
 "Forgotten him !" exclaimed Betti, looking at me 
 in astonishment; "then she could never have really 
 loved him." 
 
 "Then do you love him still ? And do you know 
 why he went away 1 ?" I blurted out thoughtlessly. 
 At that moment a stroke of apoplexy would have 
 done me good, for I felt sure that Betti would be 
 upset. However, she remained quite composed, and 
 said, in a scarcely audible voice: 
 
 "Perhaps he thought me unworthy of further no- 
 tice." 
 
 My hands were clutching tightly hold of the sofa, 
 for, indeed, I needed support; gradually I loosened 
 
 [326]
 
 HAPPINESS AGAIN 
 
 my hold, and drew a breath. "Betti," I said, "be 
 good enough to put that red hyacinth in between the 
 windows, its scent is too strong for me." 
 
 Betti did as I asked her; and now I knew that she 
 would forget and forgive, whatever she might hear, 
 and I also saw how right Carl had been in keeping 
 the matter quiet, for how easily one finds oneself off 
 at a gallop. 
 
 Of the result of the visit of Herr Max we are not 
 told at the time; but we learn it later when Betti, ap- 
 parently on the inspiration of the moment^ but really 
 as part of a deep-laid scheme^ is asked if she would 
 like to go for a little jaunt. 
 
 "What do you say, Betti," I inquired, "to our go- 
 ing out to Tegel again*?" "Tegel!" she replied in 
 a curious tone of voice, "oh, yes, if you like." 
 
 If I liked! Why, Carl and I had long since set- 
 tled our plan, which was now about to be carried 
 out. The plan was my idea; Carl it was who had 
 to see that it was carried out properly to the minute. 
 
 It was afternoon. We had been sitting in the 
 woods where there was a view across the lake, and as 
 I had long since determined some day to have a 
 picnic at this point, a hamper with good things was 
 provided. Betti was rather monosyllabic; perhaps 
 she was thinking how happy we had all once been in 
 these woods, which we were to-day trying to enjoy 
 again. 
 
 [327]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 My husband was rather quiet too, for he knew 
 what was about to occur within the next quarter of 
 an hour, and did not feel quite sure how things would 
 go. I, on the other hand, had no doubts what- 
 ever, or why should I have chosen Tegel? The 
 Present was to be linked with the Past ; what lay be- 
 tween was a winter's day. Where are frost and 
 snow, when the hawthorn blooms again? For- 
 gotten ! 
 
 Carl kept taking out his watch, and looked anx- 
 iously out on to the lake; then we both saw a boat 
 leave the opposite shore and steer straight across 
 towards the woods where we were sitting. "I won- 
 der if those people are coming to us?" said I, as if I 
 knew something. "It looks like it," said Carl. "You 
 know," he added, "how much I am in want of a part- 
 ner; the business requires increased support." The 
 boat was coming nearer. "I have found some one 
 in whom I place full confidence, but I wanted to 
 know whether he pleased you both as well." With 
 this he looked at Betti. "My decision will depend 
 upon your judgment. This was my reason for ask- 
 ing him to join us here to-day. Here he is." 
 
 The boat came flying onwards, rowed by power- 
 ful arms, and at last shot up on to the beach. Betti 
 had jumped up, and stood immovable; she had rec- 
 ognised the two men in the boat, Felix and Max 
 the two friends. 
 
 [328]
 
 HAPPINESS AGAIN 
 
 With quick and elastic steps Herr Felix hurried 
 up to Betti, stretching both hands out towards her, 
 and she, as if in a dream, laid hers in his. "Ah, ha! 
 it's to be 'Buchholz and Son,' after all," said I in 
 a whisper to Carl. He only smiled. 
 
 1329]
 
 CHAPTER XXVII 
 
 Here this book might end; for the sequel which 
 Stinde began a year or so after is far from being 
 equal to its predecessors. It is also more elaborate, 
 for, having both her daughters of her hands, Frau 
 Buchholz had to be provided with other foils, and 
 she is therefore shown as taking as "kelps" two girls 
 who, in return for the benefits to be derived from 
 the Frauds refined society, give their services in the 
 house. It need hardly be said that this arrangement 
 fails to run smoothly. Other new characters are Herr 
 Max's fiancee and the twins. Since the twins are 
 Emmi's and Dr. Wrenzcherfs, and are therefore in 
 the direct line, I quote here the description of the 
 luckless afternoon on which Herr Kleines gave them 
 some marbles to play with. 
 
 IT cannot be denied that scarcely anything could 
 be sweeter than the twins when they are being 
 put to bed, the pure, tiny Raphaels, with their sweet 
 
 [330]
 
 MARBLES AND ARITHMETIC 
 
 fat little arms and legs, and dimples on their necks 
 that one longs to bite into. It is impossible to kiss 
 them enough, and Amanda Kulecke, who is so fond 
 of seeing them in nature's garb, says that they are 
 real little Cupids. And they know very well that 
 people are fond of them, and shriek with delight 
 when Granny takes them and hugs them one at a 
 time, which is the only way to manage when there 
 are a pair of brothers. 
 
 But for all that, I prophesied from the very be- 
 ginning that twins, however charming, would entail 
 a good deal of trouble, were it only for the bother 
 with the perambulator, in which there is room for 
 half a squadron, and which the strength of one per- 
 son is insufficient to get downstairs. But it was the 
 Doctor who gave such a clumsy order, and we ladies 
 might slave away at it, for the nurse was far too 
 high and mighty to help with it. Oh, dear, no ! she 
 had to be attended to all round like a sea-monster; 
 no dinner was good enough for her she demanded 
 a double portion of butter and sandwiches for her 
 lunch! Emmi and I sang a Te Deum for joy when 
 she evaporated back to the Spree wald to recruit for 
 her next situation. One really felt free again in 
 one's own house. 
 
 The Doctor had, as usual, opposed a deaf ear to 
 all my complaints, though the woman grew more pre- 
 suming day by day. He even forbade our taking 
 
 [330
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 any measures against her, for fear of her anger tak- 
 ing effect on the children. But had he to put up 
 with her the livelong day? He goes off to his pa- 
 tients, and does not enjoy the domestic worries with 
 us. Under such circumstances, there is no art in 
 playing the father. 
 
 Since the children made their appearance in this 
 life, he has become very sparing in the matter of 
 large parties, with the exception naturally of the 
 christening, for which I composed the menu, on this 
 occasion only; but I fear that it was too grand for 
 him, and he now wishes to return to simplicity in 
 the matter of expenses, for indeed he generally gets 
 enthusiastic about what is beautiful and costs little. 
 It can hardly be considered a sign of culture when 
 he says that large parties are nothing but lady-shows. 
 But doctors do allow themselves to have prejudices 
 sometimes. If one has acquired a family, outside 
 circles ought not to be neglected. Some festivities 
 should take place from time to time. What are the 
 neighbours likely to say if they never notice illumi- 
 nated windows'? Why surely, "Poverty and pride 
 rule on the Doctor's floor!" 
 
 And further, ought we not to have a care that 
 family circles are provided for the growing children, 
 where they will be invited and find companions such 
 as young ladies when they have arrived at the age of 
 adolescence? 
 [332]
 
 MARBLES AND ARITHMETIC 
 
 Heir Kleines has the habit of paying his formal 
 calls on Sunday afternoons, and playing with the 
 children, on which occasions he is given to hopping 
 about like a crow, and making faces in his endeav- 
 ours to amuse them. However, his success is mostly 
 doubtful ; indeed, energetically as he moves his scalp 
 up and down and waggles his ears, we have experi- 
 enced the fact that Franz has yelled till he had to 
 be taken away, and was only restored to equanimity 
 by laborious patting on his back. This is a particu- 
 larly rare gift of nature; but of what avail is such 
 a gift, when it appears to the children in their nightly 
 dreams, causes them to shriek horribly, and was only 
 given up after he had been forbidden to wear out 
 his powers'? Also when he first came, he used to 
 bring a number of toys as presents, which led him 
 into unnecessary expense, as there always had to be 
 duplicates. My son-in-law's hospitality does not af- 
 ford a sufficient return for such extravagance, and 
 one does not care about taking presents from a per- 
 son whose salary, though fixed, is by no means too 
 ample. Notwithstanding the toys, the children dis- 
 played an invincible dislike to him, which may have 
 arisen from the fact that they had not developed 
 sufficient intelligence to appreciate the hygienic ob- 
 jects warranted proof against licking, and manufac- 
 tured according to the dictates of the Imperial Office 
 of Hygiene; and when he made them a present of 
 
 t333]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 marbles painted with a colour free of arsenic, let us 
 hope that he himself had no idea of how dangerous 
 marbles themselves are, nor how sternly they should 
 be forbidden as opposed to the laws of sanitation. 
 
 The following is what happened: 
 
 Herr Kleines brings his marbles with him, and be- 
 ing a cheap luxury, he is allowed to bestow them on 
 the children. He proceeds to count them over him- 
 self: six for Franz, and six for Fritz, and everything 
 is in the most splendid order as he gives them to 
 them. The little folk amuse themselves capitally 
 with the rolling balls, and Franz abstains from 
 screaming, and Fritz from scratching and biting Herr 
 Kleines, as usual, and there is nothing but laughter 
 and jubilation. 
 
 After Herr Kleines had left, and the children 
 did not want to play at marbles any longer, I gath- 
 ered the things up. "I say, Emmi, were there not 
 twelve marbles'?" I asked. "Yes," she answered; 
 "he gave six to Franz, and six to Fritz that makes 
 twelve together." "But there are only eleven here." 
 "Quite enough, too," said Emmi." "I am not 
 thinking about that," I answered; "but where is the 
 one marble*?" "Lost," laughed Emmi at my anx- 
 iety. "I know that, but the question is, where is it? 
 I only hope that no one has swallowed it.' 
 
 "Good gracious!" exclaimed Emmi, in a desper- 
 ate state of fright. "That ball must be found. Let 
 
 [334]
 
 MARBLES AND ARITHMETIC 
 
 us look for it, mamma." "Where is the nurse*?" 
 "Gone out." "Then we must set to work." 
 
 So the two of us began the search; on the carpet, 
 under the carpet, under the furniture, upon the fur- 
 niture, in the ante-room, on the window-sill, we 
 lifted the children up, put them down again, turned 
 back the carpet again, lifted the children once more, 
 searched once more in every corner, turned up the 
 carpet once more. No marble was to be found. 
 
 "One of them has swallowed it," said Emmi, in 
 fearful conviction. 
 
 "But which 4 ?" I asked. "Franz or Fritz? 5 
 
 "How am I to know*? If only my husband were 
 here; and it may be a full hour before he comes! 
 What are we to do until then*? Shall we give the 
 child a hot drink*?" 
 
 "Which of them?" I asked energetically, the bet- 
 ter to recall her to presence of mind, for her com- 
 posure was visibly failing. "Do you know which? 
 I imagine it is Franz." 
 
 "Fritz, beyond doubt. He puts everything into 
 his mouth." 
 
 "Excuse me, Fritz takes more after us Buchholzes, 
 and I am not aware that, even in our earliest youth, 
 any one of our family was distinguished by greedi- 
 ness and gluttony; no, if either of them has swal- 
 lowed it, it must be Franz." 
 
 Emmi examined the children with anxious scru- 
 
 [335]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 tiny: "Don't you find too that Franz is looking 
 quite pale already? Oh, Heavens, if he should die! 
 Where can my husband be?" She put her forefinger 
 into the child's mouth and rummaged round and 
 round it, as if the ball were likely to be sticking 
 there still ; but without any result, except the natural 
 one that the boy yelled lustily. 
 
 "How awfully he must be suffering ! That abom- 
 inable Herr Kleines ! What business had he to bring 
 the children those stupid marbles'? He must know 
 that they are just the sort of things for them to put 
 into their mouths. He shall have the pleasure of 
 hearing a piece of my mind ! Try to be quiet, my 
 precious Franz; you will soon be better; papa will 
 cure his little boy; he will find out directly where the 
 marble has gone. Oh, dear, I hope he won't have 
 to use the knife !" 
 
 "Emmi," I said, "don't talk yourself into an un- 
 necessary state of grief and excitement. Do wait till 
 you know more, so that, should it be required, you 
 may have strength to keep your head clear in the 
 event of the worse. Imaginary dangers are no dan- 
 gers they are merely a form of self- torture " 
 
 "Really?" she interrupted me; "then perhaps the 
 marble does not constitute a danger? According to 
 that, I suppose the child would need to have swal- 
 lowed a nine-pin in order to arouse your sympathy !" 
 
 "Emmi!" 
 [336]
 
 MARBLES AND ARITHMETIC 
 
 "Well, yes," she remarked, with symptoms of 
 yielding. "Here I sit in terrible trouble, and you 
 worry me with your moral lessons! Oh, mamma, 
 where can Franz be stopping? Don't you see that 
 the child is getting weaker from minute to minute?" 
 
 "That is the result of his bellowing." 
 
 "Oh, my precious child, my sweet little Franz, 
 don't cry like that!" she now began. "Do be a 
 good boy again !" and she rocked him backwards and 
 forwards in her arms. According to my ideas, the 
 child was simply made unmanageable by this excep- 
 tionable overflow of tenderness, and determined not 
 to give in. 
 
 "Emmi," I remarked, as dispassionately as possi- 
 ble, "under existing circumstances I should not rock 
 the child so violently, if I were in your place. The 
 marble might easily be jerked lower down, and har- 
 den there afterwards." 
 
 She stared at me in horror, just as I have seen a 
 girl do who was acting Ophelia at the play-house, 
 when she went mad. 
 
 "Do you think so?" she shrieked. "Then there is 
 no longer hope? Franz had a similar case the other 
 day, where a lead soldier had been swallowed. The 
 boy had to die. Oh, my Franz, my precious Franz !" 
 
 The Doctor arrived now, and relieved the tension 
 of the situation. Emmi screamed at him like a luna- 
 tic: "Save your son!" and sent a perceptible thrill 
 
 [337]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 through him. It was not until after I had explained 
 to him how the marbles had come into the house, 
 and what a fool Herr Kleines was, that the doctor 
 took the upper hand of the father, and he began to 
 examine Franz, which amused the little scamp 
 vastly. After a pause, he said: "The boy is as well 
 as ever; what are you making such a fuss about?" 
 "Possibly Fritz has got it," sobbed Emmi. 
 
 "Or neither of them," said the Doctor. 
 
 "One of them must have swallowed it," I an- 
 swered; "for the ball has vanished from the earth 
 without leaving a trace." "If it is only properly 
 looked for it is sure to be found," spoke the Doctor. 
 "We have turned everything topsy-turvy already." 
 "Women are never thorough," he grumbled, and set 
 to work to unearth the marble. 
 
 I had no time to answer him with the want of con- 
 sideration that he deserved, as the rolling back of 
 the carpet, frantic grabs behind the furniture, and 
 turning out of corners began afresh in a word, the 
 whole bother over again. At last he counted the 
 marbles over once more; but the full dozen could 
 not be made up for all his endeavours. "Eleven re- 
 main eleven," I said angrily. 
 
 The Doctor scratched the back of his head : "The 
 marble has disappeared." 
 
 "We knew as much as that long ago," I gave him 
 
 [338]
 
 MARBLES AND ARITHMETIC 
 
 to understand, "although we 'women' do not possess 
 thoroughness. No, positively not a scrap." 
 
 "Can Pitti have carried it off?" he asked. "The 
 dog never showed his nose in the room." "Then 
 something must be done," he said; "but keep quiet, 
 Emmi ; it is a matter of no importance. Franz must 
 be given a tablespoonful of salad oil, to be followed 
 by a prescription which I will write out." 
 
 "And how about Fritz 1 ?" I interposed. 
 
 "What is the matter with Fritz*?" 
 
 "Are you so certain as to which has swallowed the 
 marble?" 
 
 "Both boys to have the same treatment," decided 
 the Doctor shortly. "The marble must be found." 
 
 "Now one innocent creature is obliged to suffer for 
 the sake of the other," I remarked, my humanitarian 
 proclivities being somewhat hurt. "I consider that 
 it is simply inexcusable!" 
 
 "It is inexcusable that the children were not better 
 looked after!" he scolded. "If they had been with 
 the nurse, it would certainly not have happened." 
 
 This reproach roused my ire. "My worthy son-in- 
 law," I therefore answered in measured tones, "the 
 nurse was a horror. The responsibility does not rest 
 upon us. I said at once that there would be terrible 
 confusion; and matters can hardly be worse than 
 they are at present. If the blame is to rest upon any 
 
 [339]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 one, it must be upon you, for there have never been 
 twins in our family." 
 
 And what was the answer he made to this with 
 jeering laughter, instead of being reduced to abject 
 silence*? "I am sorry for that the race is good." 
 
 The only possible answer to this was to turn away 
 in wounded disgust. 
 
 When I got home I found my good Carl in the 
 middle of a pleasant game of skat, the players being 
 himself, Herr Felix and Herr Kleines, whom he had 
 met out walking and taken back home for this pur- 
 pose. 
 
 "Was there anything wrong at the Doctor's, that 
 you had to send a messenger?" he asked. 
 
 "Oh, yes," I exclaimed, and, letting fly at Herr 
 Kleines, "you are the cause ! How could you be so 
 unreasonable as to bring toys to the children which 
 may cause them to lose their health*?" "I do not un- 
 derstand you," he answered, trying to smile down 
 my indignation. "You never do seem to compre- 
 hend when you do mischief, and consider yourself 
 diabolically clever into the bargain to practise such 
 sleight-of-hand as you did with the marbles." 
 "But, excuse me, surely the children are not able to 
 count as yet." "How so 4 ? What do you mean by 
 that?" "Well, two into eleven won't go." Do 
 you mean to jeer at me*?" "Certainly not. I only 
 had eleven marbles, and in order not to spoil the 
 [340]
 
 MARBLES AND ARITHMETIC 
 
 symmetry of the thing, I said to Franz, 'Here are 
 six/ and just the same to Fritz." "Then Fritz only 
 had five?' "That's it! I did a bit of conjuring." 
 "Thank God !" I exclaimed; "and we thought that 
 he had swallowed one. As for you, Herr Kleines, 
 make your way as quickly as may be to the Doctor's, 
 so that my daughter may be relieved of her cares. 
 It is all through you that the poor little sons have 
 had to take such horrid stuff." "But surely it was 
 only Fritz 1 ?" said my husband. 
 
 Herr Kleines showed himself from his most agree- 
 able side, which on this occasion was the invisible 
 one ; indeed he probably recognised that a messenger 
 of peace could never arrive too early. 
 
 Betti made me a cup of tea and a sandwich, of 
 which I stood in need, and did all in her power to 
 quiet my nerves again, so that I gradually found 
 myself capable of relating the events. They were 
 all glad that it had been a false alarm, and now that 
 all was quiet again, I felt with absolute clearness 
 how completely the two little ones had grown into 
 one's heart ; for while I was at Emmi's I had to take 
 the matter with apparent ease, as a kind of set-off to 
 her despondency. No; rather let us have a pair of 
 twins than lose one of them, even though Grand- 
 mamma Buchholz must work till she drops. 
 
 "Well," I said, "a few more rounds will be a good 
 antidote for our fright. I can tell you that it is no 
 
 [340
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 easy matter to nurse one child through such an ill- 
 ness, let alone two. But I do feel confidence in our 
 doctor he knows what he is about." 
 
 My husband declared a solo in clubs straight off, 
 but as I held two knaves and five trumps against him, 
 he was bound to lose. That was a bright spot of 
 light after the troubles of the day. 
 
 [342]
 
 CHAPTER XXVIII 
 
 SHOWING HOW FRAU BUCHHOLZ MEETS AN EARLY 
 
 ADMIRER AND HOW SYMPATHY FROM THE 
 
 WRONG PERSON IS ONLY AN INSULT 
 
 The early lover's name was Herr Briese and he 
 manufactured mustard. An excursion to the Has- 
 enhaide, a fair on the outskirts of Berlin, had been 
 planned, largely to see the balloon, and Herr Briese 
 arrived in time to join it. 
 
 HERR BRIESE'S advent interrupted a direct 
 refusal. At first sight I could not find a place 
 for him in my memory ; but as his loaf-like pate was 
 still the same, the intervening years vanished like 
 window-shutters, and I remembered with dreadful 
 exactitude the day upon which he flattered himself 
 that I was going to make him happy. He sent a let- 
 ter like copper-plate, and got a carefully-worded re- 
 fusal from my father by return, in which no objec- 
 tion was made to himself personally, stress being 
 
 [343]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 rather laid on the very ungrown-up juvenility of the 
 desired one. He wrote again, but his second epistle 
 profited him as little. 
 
 I left him alone with Uncle Fritz while I went 
 to fetch my Carl, and inform him that this Herr 
 Briese was the very same who had paid his court 
 to me without winning my love in return. "Wilhel- 
 mine," said my husband, "I trust that this Herr 
 Briese will give me no occasion for jealousy!" 
 
 "Carl, look at yourself in the glass, and then let 
 him have a look. Why, there is no question of a 
 comparison !" "Faithful devotion ends by touching 
 a woman's heart." "He was refused twice, and 
 after getting the mustard he never made a third 
 move; you know that as well as I." "Don't be 
 tragic, Wilhelmine. I am prepared to welcome Herr 
 Briese." 
 
 We proceeded on our way past the new church 
 which is being built on the Johannistisch, and im- 
 mediately behind which the pleasure grounds extend. 
 It is astonishing to see the number of curiosities that 
 the people have in the booths on either side of the 
 road, and the noise they make to induce passers-by 
 to go in. Every one shouts that nothing like his 
 wonder has ever been seen since the world was made. 
 They have giants and dwarfs, panoramas with the 
 most horrible accidents, learned horses who know 
 precisely how old everybody is, as well as wolves 
 
 [344]
 
 AN EARLY ADMIRER 
 
 and trained goats, savages and Herculeses, and many 
 other objects which art and science can produce at a 
 trifle, for the best place only costs twopence. 
 
 My Carl suggested that we should go into a booth 
 in front of which a female giant, who was painted 
 on a huge picture, was cried up as being ever so 
 many hundredweight, and possessing enormously big 
 arms and legs. However, I signified to him that 
 this was no sight for him. Nor was it. 
 
 Herr Briese could not get over the fact that the 
 Hasenhaide had changed itself, so to speak, into a 
 colossal fair. "It was much more romantic here 
 formerly," he sighed in pain; "but that was long 
 ago." "When Old Nick was quite a boy, I sup- 
 pose," remarked Uncle Fritz. "And had to fetch 
 spice-brandy for his grandmother," continued my 
 husband in the same popular phraseology. "Carl," 
 I said respectfully, "what will Herr Briese think 
 of you? Such phrases are not used in Rawitsch." 
 "It is all very well for you to jeer at me," re- 
 turned Herr Briese; "but you try living for thirty 
 years in Rawitsch, and you will be just as horrified 
 to see the way Berlin increases in length and 
 breadth." "It can hardly circumscribe its limits to 
 please you!" laughed Fritz. "It would be unrea- 
 sonable to wish it," said Herr Briese testily. "Do 
 not take it amiss if I grieve that good old customs 
 have to make way for modern ones. Everything is 
 
 [345]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 gone to which my heart clung; but that was always 
 my luck! Nothing favours me in Berlin." With 
 these words he looked sorrowfully towards me, as if 
 he wanted to burden me with the responsibility of 
 his having vegetated meanwhile. But how could I 
 help not taking a fancy to him"? 
 
 Uncle Fritz clapped him good-naturedly on the 
 shoulder and said: "Don't let us quarrel about it., 
 Every one gets his dose of physic the only ques- 
 tion is as to how he will take it. And now let us 
 go into 'the New World' the entrance is my affair." 
 He got the tickets, taking them grandly for the 
 best places, and we passed through the portals. 
 
 We got a table close to the balloon, which was 
 just being filled; a number of soldiers were busy 
 helping to hold the monster. "Any one can go up 
 in it on payment of fifty marks," said Uncle Fritz to 
 my Carl; "don't you feel inclined to let your kite * 
 have a fly for once*?" "I forbid the use of such 
 personalities!" I exclaimed. "You will keep your 
 insults to yourself, unless you wish me to take a seat 
 elsewhere !" Whereupon I got up, and looked as if 
 my threat had been made in earnest. At this mo- 
 ment one of the balloon people came up to us with 
 the warning, "Please do not tread on the pipe, or 
 there might be an accident." I now noticed on the 
 
 *The German for kite is Drachen (dragon), which Frau 
 Buchholz regards as an allusion to herself. 
 
 [346]
 
 AN EARLY ADMIRER 
 
 ground behind me a thick roll of oil-skin, through 
 which the gas was conducted into the balloon, and 
 this scarcely contributed to my pleasure. Should 
 such a thing explode, one would be expedited into 
 the blessed hereafter in less than no time. 
 
 "Carl," I admonished him, "we will get away." 
 "Don't be ridiculous," said Uncle Fritz. "You, 
 perhaps, have had your life insured ! Mine is not," 
 I replied. "Wilhelmine, nothing hi the world 
 will happen to us," said my husband persua- 
 sively. "You cannot get a better view anywhere." 
 "Herr Briese, will you give me your arm? One 
 expects respect even though one may be in the 
 Haide!" 
 
 He did not feel quite happy, either, in the neigh- 
 bourhood of the gas-pipe, so he placed himself at 
 my disposal with great alacrity. We forced a way 
 for ourselves through the crowd and vanished. 
 
 We walked silently beside each other for a space, 
 I being still so full of my first anger. And could I 
 be gentle? Instead of Herr Briese feeling himself 
 to some extent overcome, he prosed away as equably 
 as if Berlin were a suburb of Rawitsch. Then my 
 Carl would take an interest in the fat woman with 
 the weights, in comparison with which his wife's 
 life is indifferent to him. And lastly, Uncle Fritz 
 puts me down as a dragon in the presence of the 
 
 [347]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 travelled gentleman ! It would be a new fashion to 
 put up with things like that. 
 
 But there was still worse to come. "I pity you 
 sincerely," began Herr Briese, "for not being under- 
 stood as you deserve to be." '"What do you mean by 
 that?" "Another would have fulfilled your every 
 wish nay, he still would do so day by day. Oh, 
 how unhappy you must be beside such a tyrant !" 
 "What tyrant do you mean*?" "Whom can I mean 
 but your husband? "Now it's beginning to dawn 
 on me," I interrupted him. "Do you wish to breed 
 discord between me and my Carl ? to paint my hus- 
 band black and insinuate yourself into my good 
 graces'? That really does go beyond bounds. What 
 are you thinking about? No, no, most worthy sir, 
 I will none of you; no, not even if you anoint your- 
 self with oiled butter. Good-bye to you !" I looked 
 him piercingly through and through, and left him 
 standing there in all his worthlessness. Such an old 
 serpent ! 
 
 It was not until we had left the Hasenhaide and 
 the crowds of homeward-waltzing pleasure-seekers 
 far behind us, that I was able to clothe the unheard- 
 of in words. "What do you think can have hap- 
 pened?" I asked suggestively. "I have not learned 
 thought-reading." "So you do not know what Herr 
 Briese wanted?" "Oh, yes; to go in quest of the 
 ruins of his youthful reminiscences !" "Carl, am I 
 
 [348] '
 
 AN EARLY ADMIRER 
 
 a ruin'?" "Who says so?" "You! It was for 
 my sake he came. While making little of you, he 
 had the audacity to attempt a sort of love-making, 
 
 Carl." "But really ""Don't be disturbed; he 
 
 got his deserts." "If only I had him here, I should 
 belabour him as he deserved." "Carl, do leave bod- 
 ily prowess out of the affair; culture must turn the 
 scale here. And I can tell you that he will make no 
 second attempt. But I should like to request rather 
 more consideration from you; such a thing could 
 simply not occur then !" 
 
 "Minchen " 
 
 "Carl, be silent. I shall need a long time to re- 
 cover from my experiences of to-day." 
 
 [349]
 
 CHAPTER XXIX 
 
 IN WHICH WE SAY FAREWELL TO THE BUCHHOLZ 
 FAMILY 
 
 Finally let us join the Buchholzes at the wedding 
 of Betti and Herr Schmidt, the junior partner in the 
 firm, and the silver wedding of Carl and Wilhel- 
 mine; for the two events were celebrated on the 
 same day. 
 
 Betti had wished for a very quiet wedding, and 
 had her way. The two bridesmaids were Mila, the 
 daughter of the Police-lieutenant, and Amanda 
 Kulecke. Uncle Fritz undertook to arrange every- 
 thing. 
 
 STRAINS of flowing, swelling song awoke us. 
 Fritz's musical friends serenaded us from the 
 court-yard. We cannot wreath a day so that it 
 should have festive garlands, but if it greets us at 
 dawn with elevating strains, then it too has put on 
 festival apparel. "Carl," I said, when they had em- 
 barked on the third piece, "I have often objected to
 
 WE SAY FAREWELL 
 
 the 'Whooping Cough,' but did I know that it could 
 be like this?" 
 
 Uncle Fritz knocked. "Are you not up yet, slug- 
 gards?" "Directly, directly!" 
 
 I suppose he could not exercise patience, consid- 
 ering what he had to do. When I reached the stairs 
 I had to come to a standstill, I was so overcome ; and 
 my Carl was quite touched when he looked at the 
 garlands that were wreathed round the banisters, and 
 at the flowering shrubs that turned the entrance to 
 our sitting-room into an arbour, while it was itself 
 converted into a fir grove, in the midst of which 
 Betti and Emmi stood and then hurried towards 
 their parents. Nobody else was there. Thanks, my 
 Fritz, for this hour! 
 
 After a while Frieda [the servant] brought break- 
 fast, and Uncle Fritz followed her. "My dear 
 brother-in-law," he said, "for five-and-twenty years 
 you have managed to get along with my sister. You 
 deserve to have a statue erected to you; I know her 
 from her youth up!" "You! you!" I exclaimed. 
 "You will never improve!" And then I held him 
 in my arms. 
 
 Even the breakfast-table was surrounded with 
 evergreens, and a vase with a small branch of elder- 
 tree was placed in the middle of it; however, the 
 branch had more buds than blossoms, two or three 
 on the whole. "The bush in the garden means to 
 
 351]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 do its part," said Betti; "the first tiny buds have 
 opened this morning." They had not much per- 
 fume, but the old bush meant well; and if we have 
 had our pleasure out of it year by year, to-day it de- 
 lighted us more than ever. 
 
 "Will you have a look at the drawing-room and 
 see whether you like it?" Uncle Fritz now asked. 
 "We shall take the doors off later on, and will then 
 possess a space for the festival of sufficient crowd- 
 edness. The tables which are laid have been placed 
 in the back room, and will be brought in for the 
 chief feed. Victuals will follow from a court res- 
 taurateur." "And a hired waiter, Fritz?" "Two 
 of them." "Why, that will be gorgeous !" 
 
 He opened the doors. Inside them also the walls 
 were covered with fir-green, which would do no harm 
 whatever, as the paper had been hanging for the 
 longest possible time. My picture was placed there, 
 and looked as if I were promenading about in a pine 
 grove whose branches were interwoven with silver 
 thread to typify the green and silver wedding. It 
 was unique in its way. 
 
 And then just to look at the temple of offerings, as 
 Fritz called the table on which the presents had been 
 arranged, with the most exquisite baskets of flowers 
 and nosegays ! If they can do it anywhere, they un- 
 derstand how to arrange flowers in Berlin; but I 
 never yet had seen anything to compare with these, 
 [352]
 
 WE SAY FAREWELL 
 
 so fragrant they were, and all of them with silk rib- 
 bons and visiting cards fastened to them. And 
 among them the presents, ranging from a nominal to 
 a high value ; nor were they contributed solely by re- 
 lations, but also by business friends of my husband's, 
 to whom, as it turned out, Fritz had given sundry 
 hints. "We cannot accept these!" I exclaimed. 
 "Take them without further ado," Fritz answered; 
 "they will squeeze the cost out of the next order they 
 give." 
 
 The other table belonged to Betti. What a sight 
 that was to look upon, with its numerous letters and 
 telegrams, many more of which arrived in the course 
 of the day ! Visitors came also, and so the morning 
 simply melted away under one's hands. 
 
 It was not until Betti, Felix, my husband and the 
 Doctor drove to the registrar's office that an inter- 
 ruption took place. 
 
 So nothing came of my intention to rest. Uncle 
 Fritz returned and took possession of the rooms to 
 give them the last finishing touches, nor had we 
 much time for delay. 
 
 First of all I helped Betti with her dressing, and 
 then set to work on myself, to array myself in my 
 new grey silk dress. It was made of German silk, 
 extremely beautiful and very tastefully worked. 
 Frieda, who was helpful in handing me things, ex- 
 
 [353]
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 pressed herself to the effect that it was very aristo- 
 cratic. Then Emmi put the silver wreath on me. 
 
 "The number of the guests was almost complete," 
 she said. "Uncle Fritz had turned the entrance- 
 hall into a reception-room, which was very fairly 
 filled already. As soon as the clergyman arrived, 
 papa would fetch me. Fritz and Franz had come 
 too ; they were going to be good and not disturb any 
 one." "That may be taken for granted with Fritz, 
 but who will go security for Franz? You had bet- 
 ter go to them and keep them quiet. For a solemnity 
 may easily be screamed to death." 
 
 Now at last I had a moment to myself, but the 
 long-intended collective backward glance was not a 
 success. My heart was too full. 
 
 I sat there neither awake nor yet asleep nonen- 
 tity seemed to be laid upon me until my Carl came. 
 
 I had not heard his entrance, and only noticed him 
 as he stood before me with outstretched hands to 
 raise me up. We looked at each other, face to face. 
 He read my eyes, I his. Then my glance fell on 
 the silver spray of myrtle on his breast, he looked 
 down on the silver wreath in my hair, and said lov- 
 ingly, "Come, silver bride !" 
 
 I laid my arm in his. Speech was impossible to 
 me. 
 
 As we were going down I regained my composure 
 after the first steps ; I could even bear to listen to the
 
 WE SAY FAREWELL 
 
 notes of a harmonium, which was hidden behind 
 some plants. Doris, who was listening about near the 
 entrance, in search of information, said : "They are 
 all of them inside already." 
 
 This was the fact. The invited guests were sit- 
 ting in a half circle composed of several rows, Betti 
 and Felix being in the middle, on one side of them 
 Emmi and the twins, on the other the Frau 
 Police-lieutenant. I took cursory note of this while 
 we were slowly advancing towards the clergy- 
 man, who was waiting for us on a slightly raised 
 platform. The music was silent, and he began his 
 address. 
 
 I really only recovered my composure when I was 
 sitting beside my Carl on the chair that Betti had 
 just been occupying, for she and Felix had now ad- 
 vanced to the clergyman. Being still too greatly 
 touched by what had taken place, I was unable to 
 follow the pastor. I certainly did hear words, but 
 they fell abroad like loose crumbs, and I only had 
 an indistinct vision of the two youthful figures. 
 However, my pulse gradually slackened and my 
 sight grew clearer. Betti looked almost too severe 
 for a bride, but on the other hand there was a look 
 on Felix's face like the rosy dawn of a day that 
 promises to be rich in happiness. I only noticed his 
 white necktie, which gave me the impression of hav- 
 ing been frequently washed already. 
 
 [3551
 
 THE HAUSFRAU RAMPANT 
 
 I looked at the witnesses of the marriage: they 
 were faultlessly attired. I looked about me; the 
 gentlemen connected with the business had put on 
 brand-new satin ties, and the younger of them, Herr 
 Hoff, even went the length of having on an under- 
 waistcoat bound with red. It seemed strange to me 
 about Felix, for he is generally as careful of his ap- 
 pearance as a lieutenant got up for a party, the only 
 difference being that he does not curry-comb his head 
 when entering a room full of people. And then the 
 fashion of the thing ! There are none of the sort to 
 be had. 
 
 But had I not seen it once already? Where could 
 it have been? That is it! In Tegel, during the 
 days of the midges, Felix lost his necktie in the water 
 on one occasion, and Betti made him one out of the 
 mosquito curtain. That was when they had seen 
 each other for the first time. And now he was wear- 
 ing it on his wedding-day, in remembrance of those 
 bygone days ! How he must have loved and valued 
 it in order to treasure it up so faithfully ! I never 
 should have thought that a little bit of muslin could 
 have looked so charming. 
 
 We now saw more than ever how cleverly Uncle 
 Fritz, as leader of the whole, had arranged every- 
 thing. While the numerous congratulations were 
 being continued in the entrance-hall, which by the 
 aid of hangings looked at the very least like a coun- 
 
 [356]
 
 WE SAY FAREWELL 
 
 cillor of commerce's, the hired waiters were trans- 
 porting the tables so rapidly to their proper places, 
 that the meal could be begun in the shortest space of 
 time. We bridal couples were placed opposite each 
 other at the principal table. 
 
 The Police-lieutenant gave the first toast in hon- 
 our of the silver couple. It was a little long, but 
 choice as regards language. He wished us a fur- 
 ther five-and-twenty years, until the golden wed- 
 ding, and that we might all be at our posts then. 
 Then we had another course, and Uncle Fritz drank 
 to the health of the young couple. But as usual, 
 there were marginal notes. What was the meaning 
 of his dragging me into his speech and congratula- 
 ting Felix on getting me for a mother-in-law, as 
 there were worse? 
 
 The rest of the day was festivity and dances. Let 
 me close with the only remark of her own, at 
 dinner, which Frau Buchholz reports: 
 
 "You can take some more with perfect safety, if 
 you like it," I said to my Carl; "and just fish the 
 craw-fish out of the turbot sauce; there are not 
 enough of them anyhow to satisfy the Doctor's ap- 
 petite !" 
 
 And so farewell to some simple, honest, un- 
 kultured people! 
 
 THE END 
 
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