!_JJE_/ 
 
GIFT O 
 
 
 <XOOTW/ 
 
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YALE YARNS 
 
 SKETCHES OF LIFE AT YALE 
 UNIVERSITY 
 
 BY 
 JOHN SEYMOUR WOOD 
 
 AUTHOR OF " GRAMERCY PARK," U AN OLD BEAU," ETC. 
 
 "A college joke to cure the dumps." 
 
 DEAN SWIFT 
 
 ILLUSTRATED 
 
 G. P. PUTNAM S SONS 
 
 NEW YORK LONDON 
 
 27 WEST TWENTY-THIRD STREET 24 BEDFORD STREET, STRAND 
 
 Cbe "fcnicfeerbocfcer press 
 1895 
 
COPYRIGHT, 1895 
 
 BY 
 JOHN SEYMOUR WOOD 
 
 Ube Rntchcrbocher press, l^ew SJorfc 
 
TO 
 
 HENRY E. ROWLAND 
 YALE 54 
 
 iii 
 
 292101 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 THE difficulty of suiting every one in a col 
 lege story is greater than the casual reader 
 may imagine. Aside from the cheek of the 
 young maiden which may not be incarnadined 
 under any consideration, and the maiden aunt 
 who sees an utter lack of refinement in the 
 daily student life, there is the old grad. who 
 says it is n t as it was in his day, and the 
 undergrad. who maintains it is n t as it is in 
 his ! If you describe the life of the " rowdy 
 element," you may offend the " digs " ; if you 
 confine yourself to the " better element " 
 the good boys the " earnest workers," the 
 smart young Junior asks if you are describing 
 life in a State Normal school or a female re 
 formatory ; if you poke fun at the faculty you 
 have a fine array of parents and guardians 
 about your ears ; if you tell of things that 
 happened in your day, the Courant and witty 
 
vi Preface. 
 
 little Record show you up for an absurd old 
 fossil who ought to have sense enough to stay 
 buried and not insist on coming to life again ; 
 if you are flippant or hint of the seamy side 
 of college life, the ponderous old Lit may pro 
 nounce your effort worthless and condemn you 
 as the " enemy of Yale," and if so, it would 
 be better a thousand millstones were hanged 
 about your neck at once, for the oldest and at 
 the same time, the "youngest" magazine in 
 America pronounces literary judgments which 
 are terribly and wondrously final. 
 
 Then there arises the difficulty of slang. 
 What slang shall your college hero use? 
 Yesterday s, to-day s, or to-morrow s ? Much of 
 the slang of four years ago is dead now. Are 
 your stories up to date ? If so to-day, they will 
 not be next year. The privilege of quoting 
 from a recent letter of an undergrad. has been 
 afforded us. It is apropos on this point. He 
 says : 
 
 " To begin with, there are nearly four varieties of slang used 
 m the University, approximately one for each class Very 
 evident is this when you are in conversation with a Freshman 
 or what is better, have the good luck to overhear two of these 
 infants discoursing on college life. They import, every year 
 the very latest Bowery style, and while most of it soon wears 
 
Preface. vii 
 
 off, yet ear-marks remain, and if they strike the popular fancy, 
 the phrase or word is handed down from class to class. There 
 is no authentic cuss-word as the boys say. We suit the 
 word to the action at Yale. In society we use lamb-like ex 
 pressions which would hardly be recognized on the field or in 
 the Gym. The phrase, Cuss a little, it may help you, is not 
 by any means discountenanced. In such cases we have our pri 
 vate cuss-words, which vary from the Dwight Hall heeler s 
 goodness ! down to, well, as far down as they go. In a 
 community as large as this, there are always a few who at times 
 find themselves in such peculiar positions, that even St. Peter 
 himself would hardly know what to do without giving way a 
 little. Not since Freshman year have I heard any low pro 
 fanity, and that was by an intoxicated person." 
 
 So, kind, indulgent reader, let us offer our Yale 
 Yarns as of a date somewhere in the 90*3, and 
 the slang that occurs in them of no particular 
 date at all. Many of the sketches are founded 
 on fact, but whether fact or fancy, if they serve 
 to amuse, it is perhaps all that the writer, an 
 old grad. himself, can ask. It will be seen that 
 very little is said of the athletic side of col 
 lege life, this side is well known, perhaps too 
 much so, in our daily press. One might easily 
 imagine from the newspapers, athletics to be 
 the sole occupation of students. In reality, as 
 things are now constituted, only the few actively 
 engage in the chief athletic contests. The vast 
 array of " rooters," " heelers," " backers," etc., 
 employ themselves while in college in serious 
 
viii Preface. 
 
 and studious pursuits, and give vent to their 
 enthusiasm only at stated intervals. It is the 
 object of this series of light college sketches, of 
 which the first volume, Mr. Post s Harvard 
 Stories, has already become well known, to pre 
 sent pen pictures of life in our great universi 
 ties, without bearing too heavily on any one 
 particular class or set. Life at Yale is too com 
 plex to afford opportunities in a few stories of 
 giving more than a brief account of incidental 
 phases. We cannot purvey such a complete 
 view as Tom Brown at Oxford, or The Adven 
 tures of Verdant Green, nor have we attempted 
 to carry any one set of men through the four 
 years, as in College Days, or Harry s Career at 
 Yale, we have simply gathered together and 
 written out yarns which have been more or less 
 known for a long time, and have never had a 
 friend to give them lasting form. As such, O 
 kind, indulgent reader, we relinquish them to 
 you, hoping that you will enjoy reading them 
 as much as we have putting them together. 
 
 J. S. W. 
 
CONTENTS. 
 
 PAGE. 
 
 PREFACE v 
 
 ONE ON THE GOVERNOR I 
 
 THE OLD FENCE 20 
 
 IN THE POLITICAL CAULDRON 42 
 
 " LITTLE JACK" HORNER S PIE 59 
 
 WITH THE DWIGHT HALL HEELERS .... 75 
 
 THE " DWARF S" PROM 94 
 
 THE LAST CRUISE OF THE " NANCY BRIG" . . 121 
 
 OLD SLEUTH S LEVEL HEAD 139 
 
 NAT HALE, OF 73 156 
 
 THE DAWN TEA 175 
 
 THE GREAT SPRINGFIELD GAME 197 
 
 IN THE TOILS OF THE ENEMY 2OS 
 
 AN HYPNOTIC SEANCE 230 
 
 A VIOLENT REMEDY 247 
 
 " CHUMS OVER IN OLD SOUTH " 272 
 
 COMMENCEMENT 294 
 
 ix 
 
ILLUSTRATIONS. 
 
 PAGE 
 
 VANDERBILT HALL Frontispiece. 
 
 THE GYMNASIUM ........ 24 
 
 OSBORN HALL . .50 
 
 THE ART BUILDING ....... 86 
 
 WELCH HALL 128 
 
 LAWRANCE HALL 178 
 
YALE YARNS. 
 
 ONE ON THE GOVERNOR. 
 
 THEY were sitting in Sprague and Paige s 
 room in Durfee, after supper, in the first week 
 in October, smoking. 
 
 It was the very agreeable and comfortable 
 twilight hour when even the " greasy grinds " 
 hardly felt it in their hearts to begin the even 
 ing s cram. The crowd that made the air 
 blue in the room were anything but " greasy 
 grinds." A big wiry fellow in a white sweater 
 was lounging half out of the window, talking 
 and laughing with some men on the sidewalk 
 below. Inside the room you could cut the 
 smoke with a commons knife. Outside, the 
 fading twilight made more beautiful and cathe 
 dral-like the long vista o^f old elms behind North 
 College. 
 
 i 
 
Yale Yarns. 
 
 The evening was warm and windows were 
 open, and festive sounds of the banjo floated 
 out, and there came a tenor note far away from 
 Farnam, which, if not calculated to soothe a 
 soul in purgatory, was at least the cause of 
 some sophomore profanity and a loud command 
 to the tenor to go to a "worser place." 
 
 " Dwarf " Sprague, the big fellow in the 
 sweater, called down out of the window : 
 
 " Jack, come up and give us that horse on 
 Tom Keith s, your chum s governor." 
 
 The man in the window called down again 
 and the voice replied from below : 
 
 " What horse ? " 
 
 " Oh, you .know, about the barn he 
 fired " 
 
 " What barn ? " 
 
 " Say, Jack, you rascal, come up and get a 
 good licking anyway, and tell us the story." 
 
 "Dwarf" Sprague, the big fellow, pulled 
 himself inside the room from the window, say 
 ing : " Little Jack Horner is out here. Make 
 him come up and tell that horse on his chum s 
 dad last summer." 
 
 Two or three fellows lounged to the window 
 and looked down, hands in pockets. 
 
One on the Governor. 3 
 
 " Come up, Jack Homer," said one, whose 
 name, by the way, is William. " Come up, 
 thou son of a grad, and if thou hast a horse on 
 thy dad, or thy chum s dad, then tell it ! " 
 
 " What was the story?" asked another. 
 
 " That s what we re trying to find out ! " 
 laughed a third. 
 
 " Wait ! I 11 go down and rush him up, and 
 hold him till he tells it ! " said the " Dwarf." 
 
 There was a silence when the " Dwarf " ran 
 out of the room, speedily interrupted by one at 
 the window crying : 
 
 " Dick Sprague has caught him, got him by 
 the collar and scruff of the neck, and, by 
 Jove ! is running him in and up the stairs two 
 steps at a time ! " 
 
 Immediately after the door burst open, 
 and- 
 
 " Hullo Bill hullo Tom hullo Paige- 
 Nelson, is that you ?" came from " Little Jack " 
 Homer s panting lips, as Sprague, laughing, 
 conducted him into the room. " I say, drop it, 
 Dwarf ! Can t you get over your Freshman 
 foolishness ? I never came up-stairs so easily 
 though in my life ! I felt as light as I did in 
 the boat two years ago. Light up here, some 
 
4 Vale Yarns. 
 
 of you, and let s see how many chumps are 
 hidden away here in the dark ! All silent and 
 all damned. Tell me, is all the class packed 
 in behind the sofa? Get up, Lazy Aldrich 
 and shake. I can see you, Adolphus Austin ! " 
 
 When the gas was lit, the funniest, fattest, 
 smallest, roundest, queerest little man in col 
 lege, appeared breast high to the study table, 
 topped by a Y. U. B. C. cap on his round little 
 head. 
 
 "Little Jack" Horner had the honor of 
 steering Yale Varsity in great shape through a 
 lane of yachts and booming cannon two years 
 before, because of which, much was thereafter 
 forgiven him. The little chap in his Freshman 
 year was but a dot on the landscape, and 
 weighed but eighty pounds. The crew of that 
 year tossed him about on rainy days instead of 
 a dumb bell ! But once they broke training 
 " Little Jack " Horner, they say, actually fol 
 lowed the career of his namesake. He did 
 nothing ever after but 
 
 Sat in a corner 
 Eating his Xmas pie. 
 
 " He ate more pies, besides," said Paige, 
 
One on the Governor. 5 
 
 " everything, in fact, he could lay his hands on. 
 He went off yachting, and they said he d dis 
 appear for hours and they d find him hiding 
 behind a cracker barrel, munching away, with a 
 broad grin on his face, and no one knows how 
 much truck and crackers in his little * turn. " 
 But it may be concluded that Paige was 
 envious. 
 
 " He came back to college after the race," 
 continued Paige, "and ate away on the sly, 
 ordering himself, say, a great dinner at the New 
 Haven House, and then slipping off to Trae- 
 ger s and pretending he had n t dined, and 
 putting down a fresh brace of chops and beer. 
 When Captain Sprague, of the crew, caught 
 him at it one day and admonished him, he said : 
 
 " See here, Cap., all last year while you fel 
 lows ate all the beef and turkey you could, 
 and dined off the very best at the training- 
 table, you were starving me ! You could see 
 through me, I had a pane in my stomach 
 nearly all the time, and you tried to make me 
 a small edition of the living skeleton. You go 
 find some other fool of a Freshman coxwain ! 
 I Ve coxed my last crew. You hear me ! 
 Why, last year every time I looked at a potato, 
 
6 Yale Yarns. 
 
 you gave me a piece of your lip ! And as for 
 a pie or a pudding, or any grub fit to eat, 
 Lord Harry ! So, old man, no more races for 
 me Thanks ! 
 
 And they could not persuade him. 
 
 At the present time " Little Jack" Horner was 
 not in training, ate and drank what he liked, 
 and he certainly liked a good deal, and rarely 
 was seen without a large, gold-tipped " Egyptian 
 Deity " in his mouth. He edged himself up 
 on the table, after a little chaffing, and told this 
 tale of a grad. : 
 
 " You know my chum, Tom Keith ? Well, 
 this horse is on his awful dad. 
 
 " My chum s father is a judge out in Michi 
 gan. He is an old grad., and a solemn, pomp 
 ous, dignified old grad. at that. When my 
 chum was jugged and rusticated last June, just 
 before Commencement, he came on here, and 
 there was, I deeply regret, the devil to pay. 
 
 " You know Tom had n t done anything very 
 much, only absorbed a little weak Soph, 
 punch, and had to go off and paint tutor Blink s 
 door red, and the town afterwards, and crook 
 signs, and all that. I was with him, but he got 
 caught, and I did n t. Poor chap! Well, 
 
One on the Governor. 7 
 
 when Hon. Elias J. Keith, of the Supreme 
 Court, Michigan, came on here to fix it up 
 with the Faculty, score my chum, and inciden 
 tally attend his class reunion, there was 
 trouble enough over at 1279, Lawrance, and I 
 hung crape on the door. How he did bully 
 rag my poor, beloved chum ! one of the dearest, 
 gentlest chaps in the world, you know. Jeru 
 salem ! he jawed right and left and up and 
 down for four mortal hours, and then passed 
 sentence. Tom should be cut down half his 
 allowance the rest of his college course. Tom 
 should not go abroad with the rest of the 
 family last summer. Tom should be made to 
 do this and to do that, and the name of 
 Keith was tarnished forever, >and, well, poor 
 Tom looked plowed enough to go and jump 
 off long wharf at the end of the lecture. When 
 he stopped for want of breath, I asked the old 
 man, as cool as I could : Judge Keith, you 
 were at Yale, were you not ? 
 
 " I was, sir, in the class of umpty-eight 
 
 " And you never, er got caught in any 
 scrape, I suppose, while you were at Yale? " 
 
 " He gave me a queer look, then said, 
 angrily : 
 
8 Yale Yarns. 
 
 " Scrape ? I ? No, sir, and let me tell you, 
 sir- - 
 
 " One moment, I never have myself, but 
 I may say, perhaps you and I are more fortu 
 nate so you, too, were never caught ? 
 
 " By Jove, he looked daggers at me, but he 
 said not a word ; put on his hat and left the 
 room. Tom looked like a faded ghost, and 
 said he never saw his governor so wholesale 
 mad in all his life before. He wished I had 
 kept quiet. 
 
 " Well, so Tom packed his trunk and went 
 off to rusticate at New London he did n t 
 mind that / and I hung around over Com 
 mencement, just wondering how I could get 
 even with his awful dad in some way. 
 
 " I hung around like an old Gaboriau detec 
 tive, and waited, and I kept my eye on Judge 
 Keith. He waited, too, over till the next week, 
 when his class was to have its Quinquagenten- 
 nial reunion dinner, old grads. are always 
 dining or being dined, or something of that 
 sort, at Commencement, and they were to have 
 Judge Keith preside, and it was to be a grand 
 affair, at three dollars a head, at the New 
 Haven House. 
 
One on the Governor. 9 
 
 " Well, a lot of those umpty-eight men came 
 back to college. Regular old fossils some of 
 em, talked about loss of the fence, talked 
 about the loss of the old State House on the 
 green, seemed to feel the Faculty were ac 
 countable for that too ! I got in with some of 
 them. I drank with em, treated em, called my 
 self a umpty eater too ; and, by Jove ! those 
 old cocks are right down good smooth fellows, 
 too, do you know it ? I got all the information 
 I possibly could about Judge Elias B. Keith, of 
 Michigan. Gad ! he stood fourth in his class, 
 he was a sort of model, took a philosophical, 
 was a regular plug in college, and there 
 did n t seem to be a flaw in him, and I was 
 about giving up in disgust and going down to 
 New London to see how the crew were doing, 
 when an umpty-eighter, by the name of of I 
 forget his name a Philadelphia lawyer but 
 he was a hummer, and put down in one 
 evening, to my actual count, five whiskey cock 
 tails, six beers, three Manhattans, and a bottle 
 of fizz at Traegers, we matched for this, and he 
 got stuck. I asked him about the Judge, and, 
 by George, I struck it rich ! If he had n t been 
 somewhat jagged, he never would have given it 
 
io Yale Yarns. 
 
 away, in vino veritas, you know. But he told 
 a heavy one on Elias B. ! 
 
 " I said (call him Jones) I said, Mr. Jones, 
 you get Judge Keith to tell that joke at 
 your dinner, will you? When things get mel 
 low you know, and you all get reminiscencing. 
 Get him to confess it 
 
 " Gad, I will though, it s so long since, 
 only three of us know it. I 11 get his old chum 
 now Rev. Dr. Bailey to ask him. Yes, it will 
 be a good joke, we 11 make him confess it 
 after all these years ! And we 11 have a laugh 
 on him 
 
 "Oh, it will be excellent, Mr. Jones! And I 
 made him shake on it and promise he d do it, 
 and by Jove, old Jones, was as good as his 
 word, too, and so, he done it ! 
 
 "Little Jack" Horner slapped his fat little 
 thigh, and rolled to and fro on the table, con 
 vulsed with laughter at anticipation, as he 
 spoke. 
 
 " The next night the night of the dinner 
 came. There were just forty-four old umpty- 
 eighters present, still able and willin to carry a 
 fork to their chins. I had not been idle that 
 day myself, as you will soon perceive ; but that 
 
One on the Governor. 1 1 
 
 is neither here nor there, as they often say of 
 ja lost sparkler. 
 
 " The night of the dinner came. Fellows, 
 they were as smooth a looking set of old men as 
 you ever saw ; and Judge Keith sat at the head 
 of the long table, proud as, proud as I was 
 once in New London. Some had bald heads ; 
 some had too much hair ; some had whiskers, 
 some had none ; all were a good sturdy lot of 
 Yale grads. as you ever saw. I stood in the door 
 way and looked em over. After they had all 
 got seated, in strolled a long, lanky, dusty hay 
 seed Westerner, about seven feet high, in a slouch 
 hat and a linen duster, umbrella, and carpet bag. 
 No one knew him, and he marched right in 
 though, and just called out : * Is this the class 
 of umpty-eight ? They said * Yes, and he sat 
 down at the table without a word. A mur 
 mur of surprise went around the room, and a 
 man at the other end of the room shouted 
 Perkins ? and the lank Westerner said, 
 Right ! dropped in Freshman year for 
 stealing the chapel Bible and exchanging it 
 with Harvard. Then those fellows gave a 
 cheer, for Perkins is an M.C. now, you know, 
 and they had n t seen him for years and 
 
12 Yale Yarns. 
 
 the way Perkins set up fizz along the table, 
 was a caution." 
 
 " We had beaten Harvard that afternoon at 
 the Field, you know, and they all felt they had 
 done it, and they were happy as kings, and so I 
 let em feed and went off and packed my trunk 
 to get away the next day for the races, and 
 again strolled in the room where they sat about 
 ten o clock. The speeches had just begun as I 
 came in, and such speeches ! Eloquence cut no 
 ice at that dinner ! It was just fun and give and 
 take, and they got off old jokes and sang 
 Neath the Elms and Bingo, Here s to 
 Good Old Yale, and those old-timers. And at 
 last up gets the Rev. Dr. Bailey and tells about 
 the Judge, what a great man he was, and how 
 he had risen to be one of the greatest lawyers in 
 the West, and all that, and how they all knew 
 it would be so when he was in college, and 
 how immaculate and good he had been, 
 always, even in college * I knew it, for I 
 was his chum, said Bailey, except on one 
 occasion ! 
 
 " By Jove ! the room was so still you could 
 hear a dumb-bell drop. 
 
 " Give us that occasion, roared my friend 
 
One on the Governor. 1 3 
 
 Jones and others, as loud as they could roar, 
 I roared too to keep up the excitement. 
 I " I stood near the door and watched. Gad ! 
 they got the Judge up on his feet to tell them ! 
 I beat my sides with joy just then and could 
 hardly contain myself. 
 
 " I suppose my old chum refers/ said the 
 Judge, laughing, * to my attempt to steal a 
 turkey, and in doing so set a barn afire ? 
 
 " To nearly all the umpty-eighters this came 
 with a great shock. Gee ! they broke out in 
 howls of delight, and hammered the table with 
 their spoons and glasses. When it was quiet 
 again, Judge Keith said, as if very much tickled ; 
 I was very fortunate in that it was never found 
 out that I did it. I went out after turkey, 
 out here, away off by West Rock. You can 
 believe I never went near the spot afterwards. 
 A farmer out there I believe, if my memory 
 serves me right, his name was Higgins Hig- 
 gins was famous in those days for his fat tur 
 keys, and about Thanksgiving time in my 
 Junior year, that was in the fall of 67, it was 
 our custom then to forage about and capture 
 one or two (laughter). I got into the barn 
 where the turkeys were, and it was so dark I 
 
14 Yale Yarns. 
 
 lit a match to see which one I should select. 
 Well, the match snapped and broke and fell in 
 a pile of hay. In a moment to my horror, it 
 was ablaze ! I dropped the turkey I had seized 
 and ran like the wind to where my confeder 
 ates were waiting for me in a buggy. * Drive 
 home quick some roundabout way ! I said, 
 as I jumped in, I Ve set the barn afire ! It 
 was a small shed we would hardly call it a 
 barn out in my country no horses or cattle in 
 it, and we drove off in a hurry. Pretty soon 
 the flames could be seen a mile away over the 
 trees. Well, I imagine Farmer Higgins had 
 roast turkey that night, though it must have 
 been pretty well crisped, and the Judge sat 
 down, laughing as if he would split. 
 
 " As the umpty-eighters applauded and 
 laughed, an old man older than any of them, 
 even, a horny-handed son of toil, with a long 
 white beard, stepped out from a doorway and 
 waited until every one became silent, then said, 
 in a cold hard voice, turning to the Judge : 
 
 " So you be the student feller what set afire 
 to my turkey shed, be ye? I be Farmer Hig 
 gins, that s who I be/ 
 
One on the Governor. 1 5 
 
 " The Judge, he turned all colors, but said 
 not a word. I shook in my shoes. 
 
 " The farmer turned to all the umpty-eight- 
 ers, in midst of a dead silence. 
 
 " I call on ye all to witness he confessed 
 right here he burned Farmer Higgins s barn in 
 1867. Now, I allus sed I d ketch the reskell 
 student feller as done it, an now I hev. 
 
 " The Judge rose, astonished, very much cha 
 grined. 
 
 " Oh, don t you say you did n t or try fer to 
 get aout the State ; if ye do I 11 jest hev ye ar 
 rested, and put through ; an* there s an officer 
 outside as I ken call handy, an I ve got my 
 liar here too. 
 
 " At these words, a rummy-looking old petti 
 fogger, Old Bum Busby, who hangs about the 
 City Hall and takes a police case for a drink, 
 stepped forward, and in a very solemn and im 
 pressive manner, and very husky voice, said, 
 Gents, thish is a very serious case State- 
 prison offense arson first degree, while com- 
 mittin act of robbery, as I meself heerd defend 
 ant Keith confess. 
 
 " But it s over twenty years ago ! exclaimed 
 
1 6 Yale Yarns. 
 
 the Judge, perspiration pouring down his brow. 
 1 It s outlawed. 
 
 " Don t keer tuppence fer that. You Ve 
 been out the State sence. Jedge Keith, as bein 
 a liar yerself ye d orter know, statoot don t run 
 then. You 11 hev to do time fer it, sir. Arson, 
 sir. Bad sort of scrape, sir. Would n t a 
 thought it of you ! 
 
 " Several of the brash umpty-eighters rose up 
 in a state bordering on consternation and 
 wanted to throw the old farmer and his lawyer 
 out of the window, but the Judge waived them 
 back. Some laughed at the affair as a capital 
 joke, others shook their heads and looked 
 solemn. 
 
 " At last my sin has found me out ! said the 
 Judge, gravely, and by Jove, fellows, I felt 
 awfully sorry then I had put up the grind on 
 him. He was a sensitive, scrupulous sort of 
 man, and he felt the disgrace keenly there be 
 fore his class, and they d just been trying to 
 guy him on account of his having a son sus 
 pended. 
 
 "Then up rose my friend Jones. I begin to 
 smell a mice, he laughed. It was I who told 
 this story to a fat little chap now in college, 
 
I One on the Governor. 1 7 
 
 Horner, by name ; it s all his doing, I believe. 
 
 " My son s chum, said the Judge, William 
 Horner ! 
 
 " And he has probably done this for a joke. 
 Come now, Lias, did not you scold your boy 
 pretty well on his being disciplined ? I under 
 stand so. This is the way his friend retali 
 ates ! 
 
 "Just about then things were getting rather 
 hot and mixed and, I was not wanting to have 
 my hair pulled particularly by those umpty- 
 eighters, so I slid out and ran home to my room 
 in Lawrance and bolted the door. 
 
 " You see, I d fixed it with the farmer to 
 divvy up on what he got out of the Judge in 
 settlement/ would you believe it the farmer 
 got $200 ! and later, that night, I sneaked 
 out and met him at the pettifogger Busby s 
 office, and the honest old chap acted on the 
 square, chuckled at the joke, and gave me a 
 hundred, and we all went out and had a bot. 
 I gave the lawyer twenty-five dollars, which 
 paid him for his trouble and for his services a 
 year ago, too, getting me out of the jug you 
 remember the time without the Faculty know 
 ing it, and I carried the balance up to New 
 
1 8 Yale Yarns. 
 
 London next day and doubled it on the race. 
 I gave the hundred and fifty to my chum at 
 New London, and told him to put it on a horse 
 that my old friend, the pettifogger Busby, 
 told me over his cups was sure to win the 
 Brooklyn handicap that day following. By 
 Jupiter! it did ! and Keith wrote his dad next 
 day his dad had gone home a sanctimonious 
 letter, enclosed a draft for two hundred dollars, 
 what he had paid Farmer Higgins, explaining 
 that he had earned it by tutoring and he felt 
 that it was but right to pay it, and we had over 
 three hundred dollars left, which we used up in 
 Boston, with some jolly, smooth Harvard Wil 
 lies, Jack Rattleton, Holworthy, Stoughton & 
 Company, in just a week s time ! 
 
 When " Little Jack " Horner finished, some 
 one said, laughing : 
 
 " A good hoss on the old grad. ! " 
 " But that is n t all, quite" chuckled the lit 
 tle fat sinner. " The Judge sent the draft back, 
 and wrote an abject letter of apology for giving 
 Tom such a raking down, when it was only 
 boy s foolishness/ and said if he d not men 
 tion his affair at home, he would n t mention 
 Tom s suspension, and that it was just as well 
 
\ 
 
 One on the Governor. \ 9 
 
 he was rusticated a part of the ensuing fall, as 
 he would have a longer period of travel abroad, 
 and they d try to get back in time to see the 
 game at Springfield. So my chum came out all 
 right, you see, and we put that extra two hun 
 dred dollars in at Newport and the Pier. Tom 
 Keith had just seventy-five cents in his pocket 
 when he met his family on the Teutonic, July 
 1 5th, and sailed for Liverpool." 
 
 " Little Jack " had such a smirk of comfortable 
 satisfaction on his fat little face over his getting 
 even with the old grad., that " Dwarf " Sprague 
 could not resist laying him over his knee 
 (Sprague was on Little Jack s famous crew and 
 always felt like a father to him). " You fat lit 
 tle tell-tale ! " he cried, whacking him. " I 11 
 teach you to get old grads. into trouble ! " 
 
THE OLD FENCE. 
 
 UP to the time when the march of improve 
 ment began, which has ended with the beauti 
 ful Vanderbilt Hall and the complete enclosure 
 of the campus, the fence, from the path near 
 the corner on College Street around the corner 
 of Chapel and up to South College, was the 
 one great institution of Yale. Tradition fades 
 quickly in college, and the student of to-day is 
 inclined to smile at the expression of regret 
 for the fence s loss to which the old grad. is apt 
 to give vent on returning to New Haven. 
 
 There is no loafmg-place now for the poor 
 old alumnus, and he is apt to wander about 
 staring vaguely at the new buildings and feeling 
 that Yale has gone ahead in a most startling 
 and sensational manner the last ten years, and 
 left him behind a forlorn and melancholy relic 
 of the past. 
 
 Yet he is glad, too, to see Yale s material 
 progress. He is always delighted to read of 
 20 
 
The Old Fence. 21 
 
 the latest princely benefaction ; like Artemus 
 Ward his relatives in the war, he is ever willing 
 to sacrifice his brother alumni, if they will only 
 leave in their wills a few hundred thousand to 
 Yale. It mitigates the sadness of a classmate s 
 death to read that his Alma Mater is often the 
 gainer by it. Dear old Bob Jones was the best 
 fellow that ever lived many a rarebit and mug 
 of Bass have we had with him at the " Quiet 
 House," tidily kept by one Mrs. Moriarty ; 
 many a good time we Ve had together at 
 Rood s, at Gus Traeger s, at Charley Bradley s, 
 but we observed that in his will one hundred 
 and fifty thousand dollars goes to Yale on the 
 death of his son Robert, Jr., and we fall to won 
 dering (and hoping?) whether Robert, Jr., is a 
 sickly young man ? 
 
 The dear old fence ! 
 
 On it men crammed for recitation ; read the 
 newspapers ; interchanged stories ; gossiped ; 
 talked athletics ; got acquainted ; sung songs ; 
 flirted with passing girls ; lived. The fence 
 over in front of Durfee is something like it in a 
 feeble sort of way, but it s not quite the same 
 thing. There was always some wandering mu 
 sician who played, or a boot-black who shone 
 
22 Yale Yarns. 
 
 for five cents, or an influx of grads. up from 
 New York, or the passing of a pretty girl, to 
 create a diversion on the old fence. It was the 
 centre of the good-hearted, manly, democratic 
 Yale, and when it was taken away there were 
 many forebodings by the grads. as to the future 
 character of Yale life. So far the prophecy of 
 the encroachment of moneyed aristocracy is 
 hardly borne out. The college still preserves 
 the character of twenty years ago in its regard 
 for a purely democratic standard of manliness 
 and worth. The rich man s son has still to 
 fight his own battles, and frequently to over 
 come a certain democratic prejudice against 
 him. He succeeds, in spite of his income, and 
 his friends like him only because he acts and 
 carries himself like a man. 
 
 The Hon. W. D. Horner, of umpty-three 
 " Little Jack s " father came on for a few days 
 last May, to see his son, and had a great deal to 
 say about the absence of the fence. He growled 
 a good deal at first over Osborne Hall said 
 the fence was worth a dozen of such ornate ex 
 amples of Rococo and the Renaissance. He 
 had n t been back since his class reunion in 83. 
 He growled a good deal about the death of 
 
V 
 
 The Old Fence. 23 
 
 Linonia and Brothers, too, but that was too 
 much out of date for rhyme or reason, and 
 they laughed at him. 
 
 They got the old grad. to telling some old 
 fence reminiscences one night at Mory s (he 
 declared Mory s was n t like the old " Quiet 
 House " on Court Street in the faintest degree). 
 Among them were the following yarns which 
 were gathered and written out by Paige after 
 wards : 
 
 " In my day no peeler was allowed inside the 
 yard, and to-day I saw one hanging about on 
 the old chapel steps ! I don t like that / Many s 
 the time we used to be chased by peelers until 
 we got to the campus, then we jumped the fence 
 and defied them to come on. They did n t dare, 
 in my day, to go inside. 
 
 " Freshmen were n t allowed on the fence 
 until they reached third term, but the biggest 
 fight I ever saw arose out of our class seizing, 
 in winter term, Fresh, year, the fence and hold 
 ing it. Freshmen sat on the College Street side 
 only. If they tried to sit on the Soph, fence, 
 they were rolled in the mud, and promptly 
 punished for their presumption. 
 
 " Oh, there are lots of queer things which 
 
24 Yale Yarns. 
 
 happened on and about the fence. I wish I 
 could recall more of them. One night about 
 twenty New Haven girls dressed up as men 
 took possession of the Junior fence. They 
 carried canes, wore high hats, and tried to smoke 
 cigarettes. The boys found them out and then 
 there was fun ! The whole college got out after 
 a while and built them a bonfire, and escorted 
 them home. 
 
 " Then, at the fence, the Glee Club used to 
 make its first public appearance at night. The 
 New Haven House windows were crowded 
 with people. A bouquet or even a flower 
 thrown out of a window was grabbed for by 
 the students with the avidity street arabs 
 grab for pennies. Sometimes they d throw 
 cabbages ! 
 
 " I remember when the Freshmen of umpty- 
 two, enraged at not being allowed the fence, 
 tore the whole thing down and carried it off up 
 Prospect Street one rainy night, and in the 
 morning there wasn t a trace of it, not even 
 gate-posts ! The Faculty made them rebuild it 
 at their own expense. It was set afire hundreds 
 of times. Umpty-nine s boys had a canvas 
 canopy built over it in their Junior year, for 
 
The Old Fence. 2 5 
 
 rainy days, but the Faculty made them take it 
 down. 
 
 " In 1870, I think it was, the Sophs, ran an 
 electric wire along the Freshman fence and gave 
 them a tremendous shock one evening. The 
 Freshmen got even by sawing the Soph, fence 
 so that it went down with them when they were 
 roosting on it. 
 
 " I never shall forget the scare the Sophs, put 
 up one evening on the whole college. It was a 
 warm June evening and every one was out on 
 the fence after supper, smoking, singing, and 
 enjoying the air. Suddenly we heard the awful 
 cry of * Mad dog ! Mad dog coming up from 
 down Chapel, and a big lean hound, foaming at 
 the mouth, came tearing along up the street. 
 You ought to have seen that fence scatter ! 
 Some ran as far as North College. The dog 
 kept right on up Chapel and disappeared up 
 York, evidently having business of it s own 
 somewhere in the suburbs. Tied to its tail was 
 a white flag with the Soph, numeral on it. 
 They d made the dog chew soap like a tragedy 
 actor. There was a great laugh all over college 
 over that mad dog. The Sophs, set up a couple 
 of kegs of beer on it and were forgiven. 
 
26 Yale Yarns. 
 
 " The only distinct romance I ever heard 
 about the fence was told me by Suydam, of 59 
 a true story. 
 
 " There was a daughter of a New Haven 
 gentleman (who is dead now), who was a very 
 beautiful girl. She was the toast of the college 
 in those days, and all the students were wild 
 over her especially the Southerners, who were 
 numerous in those days before the war. I Ve 
 forgotten her name now, but will call her Ma 
 rion Brown for want of a better. 
 
 " She used to drive, herself, a pair of lively 
 black horses in a phaeton, and you may believe 
 she very often turned the corner of Chapel and 
 College, and gave many a smile and a bow to her 
 friends among the students, who were seated 
 on the fence. 
 
 " One day as she drove past the colleges, a 
 contemptible Freshman let off a huge cannon- 
 cracker under her carriage ; the horses took 
 fright, and Marion, not wishing to run away 
 down College or Chapel, pulled them squarely 
 into the fence. Jim Thompson was sitting 
 there and made a dash for the horses bits, but 
 was carried under and trampled on. Marion 
 was thrown out and they picked her up without 
 
The Old Fence. 27 
 
 a scratch. Thompson was badly hurt and had 
 a leg broken. Well, she insisted on his being 
 taken home to her father s house, where she 
 nursed him, and now they re married and have 
 a son in Sheff." 
 
 Mr. Horner lit a fresh cigar and con 
 tinued : 
 
 " There was a time during a revival, along in 
 the early /o s, when the class deacons made 
 the fence the centre of a noonday open-air 
 prayer-meeting. This was finally broken up by 
 a few wicked Sophs, who exploded cannon- 
 crackers and hired a brass band to play waltzes 
 at the same time, and the deacons had to retire, 
 discomfited. 
 
 " Oh, the fence \vas always the centre of 
 things in the old times, from religion to the 
 worship of Bacchus. Along about twelve and 
 one o clock at night and later, many a night 
 have parties of students, after a wine supper at 
 Bradley s, or an ale party at Mory s, or a beer 
 or two at Gus Traeger s, made the night hid 
 eous at the fence, with songs and skylarking. 
 They used to have tight-rope performances on 
 it, and set it on fire, and paint it with tar and 
 red paint, and do pretty much everything they 
 
28 Yale Yarns. 
 
 could to it and students always were pretty 
 versatile in such matters. 
 
 " I remember a story of a tramp when Pro 
 fessor S - was in college. He and several 
 classmates had been down to Mory s, and when 
 they got back to the fence, about twelve one 
 night, they fell in with an old tramp sitting 
 there, and had some fun with him. They 
 could n t get the old hobo to leave and go off 
 to bed. He just sat there and would n t budge. 
 They pulled him off several times, but it did n t 
 do any good. He said he wanted to hear de 
 birds sing in the morning, and see de sun rise, 
 and he was just going to sit dere and smoke a 
 pipe and wait fer de morning. 
 
 " Finally, they all went off and left him 
 alone, sitting there just thinking, he said, 
 * and waiting for de morn to come. Then one 
 of the students, on getting to his room, found a 
 cannon cracker and they thought they d go 
 and let it off just underneath the old hobo, 
 and see if he would n t move on. 
 
 " So they got the fire cracker, and stole up 
 noiselessly where he was sitting and lit the 
 fuse, and stole away and hid behind the elms 
 and waited for results. 
 
The Old Fence. 29 
 
 " The old tramp sat with his head bowed on 
 his hands, motionless, in just the same attitude 
 in which they had left him, * waiting fer de 
 morn. 
 
 " Well, the cannon cracker went off like blazes 
 and made a devil of a noise and shook the 
 whole college like an earthquake (it was one 
 o clock in the morning), and many a pale and 
 frightened tutor leaped from his bed, and 
 rushed to the window in the old brick row to 
 see what was up. 
 
 " But the old tramp just sat there, pipe in 
 mouth, and did n t move. The cracker nearly 
 set his ragged coat-tails on .fire, but he did n t 
 seem to notice it at all. 
 
 " They went up stealthily and shouted in his 
 ear. He did n t turn his head. They shook 
 him and then drew back, horrified and aghast. 
 The old tramp was dead ! 
 
 " They felt of him, he was cold ; and they 
 felt relieved to find his sudden taking off was 
 not due to their nonsense ; and then, scared at 
 what had happened, they ran off to their rooms, 
 leaving him there on the Senior fence, dead, 
 still sitting and waiting for the morn to come." 
 
 There was a silence as the old grad. finished 
 
30 Yale Yarns. 
 
 this last yarn, and then " Little Jack " said, in 
 his inimitable way : " And what did the Faculty 
 say in the morning? " 
 
 " My son, they decided the old tramp was 
 fitted to enter the medical school, and up there 
 on York Street they gave him a post-mortem 
 examination ! / understand he passed it suc 
 cessfully ! " 
 
 After the smiles at his gruesome jest had 
 subsided, Mr. Horner told this further little 
 yarn of the old fence : 
 
 " In those days when I was in college, the 
 crew used to train very differently from the 
 way they do now. The work was much more 
 severe. The diet was principally raw beef. 
 They drank only a half pint of water a day, at 
 noon ; no ale or beer, and kept at work almost 
 all their waking hours. One of the first things, 
 when they arose at five o clock in the morning, 
 was to run at top speed fifty times up and down 
 their entries, from top to bottom, to get their 
 hearts working. It made brutes of those it 
 did n t kill. They trained as if for a prize fight, 
 running sometimes twelve or eighteen miles a 
 day, and rowing as much again. 
 
 " Well, Hardwell was captain one year, and 
 
The Old Fence. 31 
 
 he was a wiry old soldier, without any soft spot 
 about him. He was about thirty years old, 
 and had been a scout on the plains until he 
 struck it rich in a Colorado mine and came on 
 East to be educated. He was a terror, and 
 with all his rigor and vigor, he ruined his crew 
 by overwork, and Harvard beat us that year 
 by over a minute. 
 
 " There was one thing he did believe in 
 whiskey, and the crew got all of that they 
 needed, and, of course, it was not the best thing 
 for them, raw whiskey. It made them all 
 look like thin red crows most of the time. Raw 
 meat and whiskey would spoil any crew, and 
 yet old Captain Hardwell had the entire confi 
 dence of the college. They knew we all 
 knew he was faithful and hardworking and 
 anxious to win, and so mad when licked the 
 summer previous that he offered to take a 
 bowie knife and go alone over to Harvard s 
 quarters on Lake Quinsigamond, and venti 
 late their stomachs one by one, in the most 
 blood-curdling Western style ! He was a sort 
 of college hero in his day and generation, and 
 he knew less about rowing than I do about 
 algebra. He knew a great deal about disci- 
 
32 Yale Yarns. 
 
 pline, and mortifying the flesh, and hard work 
 and little sleep, and making everybody who 
 differed with him feel the weight of his fist 
 too. 
 
 " Well, the fierce old martinet was sitting on 
 the fence one night, and some busybody came 
 and told him that two of the crew were out 
 walking with a couple of shop girls, and old 
 Hardwell swore a mighty oath. 
 
 " What the blankety blank do they want to 
 go and soften emselves up with girls for, and 
 the race only three weeks off ! 
 
 " Then he got down off the fence and strode 
 off to his room, and they knew something was 
 in the wind, something alarming. 
 
 " The next morning, those going to breakfast 
 early saw a sight. Captain Hardwell tarred 
 and feathered and tied to the Soph, fence, 
 where he d been nearly all night ! 
 
 " When released, he said nothing, but went 
 straight to his room, got off what tar he could, 
 packed his grip and got out of New Haven by 
 the first train and never showed up there again. 
 No, never has been here since, either. 
 
 " It seems he went to his room on hearing 
 about the members of the crew flirting with 
 
The Old F^nce. 33 
 
 shop girls, and got down his heavy army re 
 volver, loaded it and started out for bear. He 
 hunted the men and their girls down, and it 
 turned out they were n t shop girls at all, but 
 sisters of one of the men. They were walking 
 and chatting in York Square when the Captain 
 caught them. And then and there he gave 
 them a powerful tongue lashing, interspersed 
 with certain cursory matter, which will naturally 
 not bear repeating. Well, being before the 
 two girls who were frightened nearly to death, 
 the two crew men were driven to fury. The 
 Captain made them leave the girls and go back 
 to college and then go straight to bed. He 
 literally drove them down the street, flourishing 
 his revolver, and stood over them too until they 
 ducked under their coverlids. 
 
 " Well, when the storm subsided and he went 
 off to bed, the entire crew got up about mid 
 night and went to his room, overpowered the 
 old cuss, carried him bodily down to the fence, 
 and lashed him to it so tight he couldn t move. 
 Then they heated some tar and poured it all 
 over him. You see, they got so sick of his 
 tyranny they could n t endure it any longer. 
 When Hardwell left, they elected another man 
 
 3 
 
34 Yale Yarns. 
 
 captain, but it was too late in the season and 
 Harvard beat us again that year, just the same. 
 
 " Oh, there are a lot more yarns about the 
 fence," said the old grad., yawning, " but I ve 
 forgotten them. It was a great institution, in 
 the old days. 
 
 " I remember once, before the new buildings 
 had been put up to spoil the Campus, and be 
 fore the days of peelers, and while the old 
 stucco State House still stood in all its beauti 
 ful Grecian simplicity of outline on the green, 
 a joke played on an old farmer, who evidently 
 was from up the country somewhere and had 
 no suspicions of the student capacity for play 
 ing pranks. 
 
 " You see, the old hayseed had imagined he 
 had a perfect right to hitch his .team to our 
 fence, a sacrilege which, as soon as we got out 
 of morning recitation, we Sophs, were not slow 
 to marvel at, and punish. 
 
 " What dire fate should overtake that team 
 of roan and piebald old farm horses, who had 
 already dared to nibble the top round of our 
 fence while their owner had gone off about his 
 business ? How should justice be meted out to 
 that old farmer? 
 
The Old Fence. 35 
 
 " We thought of many plans, to load the 
 wagon with hay and set fire to it ; to hitch the 
 team in again backwards, and put the cart be 
 fore the horse ; or to paint one horse red and 
 the other blue, but at last Jim Hayward, the 
 poet of our class, and a man of the most 
 brilliant imagination, hit on this scheme, which 
 we carried out to the letter. 
 
 " We drove that piebald and roan team over 
 near the State House and unhitched it. 
 
 " The building was not in use at the time, 
 and a flight of broad stairs led up all the way 
 to the very roof, which was nearly flat and 
 covered with slate. 
 
 " Well, we led those old farm horses one by 
 one up the stairs, don t look surprised, horses 
 will go up-stairs with great ease ; it s just the 
 opposite with horses as it was with the man in 
 Virgil who found it so easy to descend to 
 Avernus ; you can t get a horse down-stairs 
 very well, but it is a pleasant pastime to lead 
 him up. Well, we led those horses one by one 
 up and on the roof of the State House. Yes, 
 sir ; if you don t believe it, go get me a notary ! 
 
 " Then we took that wagon apart and carried 
 it all up, piece by piece, and set it up again on 
 
36 Yale Yarns. 
 
 the roof and hitched the piebald and roan 
 horse to it and tied them to a chimney ; then 
 we came down and lay low for the farmer when 
 he should come back and get his team. 
 
 " I never saw anything so absurd in my life ; 
 there, up in the air, sixty feet or so above 
 ground, on that flat slate roof, stood that old 
 roan and piebald team, as natural as life, just as 
 though they belonged up there, hitched to a 
 chimney ! 
 
 " People stopped and stared at the team, and 
 rubbed their eyes to see if they were really 
 awake and not dreaming ! A great crowd be 
 gan to gather. We lay down in the grass on 
 the Campus, behind the elms we had grass in 
 those days, and rolled about dead tired, but 
 well pleased with the joke. We were laying 
 for the hayseed farmer to come back and look 
 for his team. I may say we were pretty tired, 
 too, for it was hard work getting the farm 
 wagon up there, and putting it together again, 
 and it was a warm June day. 
 
 " Presently up he came from Chapel Street, 
 a horny-handed, long-bearded old fellow, with 
 a slouch hat and long linen duster on, and his 
 trousers tucked into his boot tops. He was 
 
The Old Fence. 3 7 
 
 walking a little unsteadily as he came up, and 
 we could see the neck of a black bottle protrud 
 ing from one of the side pockets of his duster. 
 Evidently the long time he had been absent, 
 some two hours, was accounted for by his 
 attendance at the shrine of Bacchus. He 
 stared about vacantly a minute Say, boys, 
 seen anythin o my team I tied ter the fence 
 yere ? he asked. 
 
 " What team ? said I. 
 
 " Why, a piebald an roan hoss, an waggin. 
 Tied right yere to this fence. 
 
 " Why, it seems to me I did see a team ; 
 piebald, you say ? 
 
 " * Yes, piebald and roan. 
 
 " Was it your team ? 
 
 " Why, yes ; come in fro the farm with a 
 load of potatys. Wonder if they got onhetched 
 and wandered off somewheres ? 
 
 " You say piebald and roan horse ? 
 
 " Yes. 
 
 " I did see a team going off by themselves 
 over to the State House. 
 
 " Why, that s em ; State Hus , ye say ? 
 
 " Yes. 
 
 "The farmer wandered over in that direction 
 
38 Yale Yarns. 
 
 himself, and we followed him to see the 
 sport. 
 
 " By this time several hundred people had 
 gathered, staring up at the team on the State 
 House. Street gamins were shouting and jeer 
 ing ; old men were discussing it, astonished ; 
 ladies stopped in their carriages and wondered. 
 The whole college came out to see the fun, and 
 the farmer alone in all that crowd had not 
 caught sight of his team. 
 
 " Seen my team, folks ? he asked. * Pie 
 bald and roan ? 
 
 " Then he glanced up at the State House, 
 and may I die if I ever saw a human being so 
 utterly knocked silly ! 
 
 " There stood the team of old nags, half 
 asleep, quietly tied to the chimney, as if it was 
 the most proper place for them in the world ! 
 It seemed too positively absurd to be true ! 
 
 " Well, the farmer just stared at his team for 
 fully five minutes, in speechless and whimsical 
 terror. Then he said : 
 
 " * I told Marier I would n t tech a drop, an 
 it s a jest punishment ter me, that s what 
 t is. 
 
 " Then he asked an old man if he saw a team 
 
The Old Fence. 39 
 
 up there on the State House roof, and the old 
 man said : Yes, but if I d been drinking as 
 you have, I d go and sign the pledge at once 
 on seeing such a sight ! 
 
 " Gosh all hemlock ! cried the farmer. 
 4 Haow in thunder did they git up there ? 
 
 "Then he just sat down on the grass and 
 stared. There they be, he said, lookin nat ral 
 as life thet there piebald n roan. Gosh all 
 hemlock ! But haow they come fer to wanter 
 stan* on thet roof, I can t see. It beats me. 
 
 "Then he took a long pull at his black bottle, 
 and lay down in the grass, as if utterly over 
 come in mind and body. 
 
 " Then he sat up again. * Yes, there they 
 be ! he cried. Piebald and roan. It ain t no 
 mistake ! 
 
 " Then he started off after his team, and the 
 next thing we saw, he d got up on the roof 
 himself, with a number of small boys following 
 him, and then we saw him lie down in the bot 
 tom of his wagon, and apparently go to sleep 
 in a state of hopeless despair and rum. 
 
 " We had to go into noon recitation then, 
 and when we came out he was still there, and 
 the whole city of New Haven had turned out 
 
4O Yale Yarns. 
 
 to look at the sight. It was one of the greatest 
 gags ever gotten off at Yale ! " 
 
 " How did they get the team down ? " 
 
 " Well, it took four days, and they had to 
 hand-feed the horses all that time. Finally 
 they got out the city fire department, and got 
 the horses down the stairs backwards, and the 
 farmer went home a wiser and better man. I 
 remember we made up a purse for him, and he 
 invited a lot of us out to his farm, over behind 
 West Rock, to come out and drink hard cider 
 but we never accepted his invitation. 
 
 " But it was a warning to all farmers and 
 townies to let our sacred fence alone, and it 
 was never defamed again that way, until it had 
 to go to make room for Osborne Hall." 
 
 " Little Jack " (a chip of the old block) 
 hummed quietly : 
 
 " Wonder if it s true, 
 Does it seem so to you ? 
 Seems to me he s lyin 
 Oh, I wonder if it s true ? " 
 
 Then, as it was late, they had one more round 
 of Bass and Burton ale at Mory s, and strolled 
 home, singing an old-time song, of a society 
 long defunct : 
 
The Old Fenctt 41 
 
 * Amid usque ad alteras" 
 
 " And not necessarily friends after the 
 altar," said the old grad., pleasantly, " for then 
 boys, your wives usually select your friends for 
 you ! " 
 
IN THE POLITICAL CAULDRON. 
 
 " HONEST John, the thief," had been brushing 
 up the room (No. 874 Welch), emptying out 
 the cigar ashes, tidying up the curtains, pretend 
 ing to shake the rugs, and singing quietly to 
 himself as he moved about, to some quaint old 
 darky tune : 
 
 " Oh, shall I be a dimmykrat, 
 Or a Christian shall I be ? 
 Oh, shall I join de dimmykrats, 
 And ne er mah Lawd to see ? " 
 
 when the door suddenly burst open, and in 
 bounced Phil Gardiner, out of sorts from recita- 
 tion after a dead flunk in mathematics (owing 
 to political excitement), and slammed a lot of 
 text-books on the table, saying : 
 
 " See here, John, I could n t find my razor 
 this morning ! " 
 
 "Your razzer, sah?" 
 
 " Yes, my new ivory-handled razor." 
 42 
 
In the Political Cauldron. 43 
 
 " Why, wy-wy-sah ! I done fin it fo you, 
 sah, right away, sah. Wha ken it be, sah ? " 
 
 " Honest John " looked dreamily out of the 
 window. 
 
 " Well, get a move on you, then." 
 
 " Honest John, the thief," knew very well 
 where it was. He had " borrowed " it for a 
 man in the next entry. John never pinched 
 anything for himself, but he never had the 
 heart to deny his student employers anything. 
 If one asked him for the moon, he d have re 
 plied, " I ll try to git it fer you, sah," and go 
 about snooping around in other men s rooms, 
 trying to find a spare moon, if they happened 
 to have one. Books, lamps, water pitchers, 
 rugs, shirts, collars, razors, were always forth 
 coming if you demanded them of John, and 
 the students got used to him and trusted 
 him and his peculiar negro honesty, and called 
 him " Honest John, the thief." One could be 
 sure one s belongings never got away very far. 
 " Honest John " never let them get away into 
 another dormitory, for example; and ofttimes 
 the scheme worked very well, e. g. : another 
 man s razor is always sharper than one s own. 
 
 The razor, or a razor, came in with com- 
 
44 Yale Yarns. 
 
 mendable promptness, and Phil began shaving 
 contentedly before his glass, and " Honest 
 John " rinding that " Mr." Gardiner was unable 
 to do much talking, did the talking himself, 
 rather taking Phil at a disadvantage. 
 
 " You dimmykrats is a goin* fer to ruin dis 
 country, sah, an de fust ting I knows slavery 11 
 be stablished agin an me an my ole woman 
 11 hev to go down South an work in de cottin 
 feels; an / don mine ef de ole woman s made 
 fer ter go, but ef dey takes me away, dey takes 
 an ole man what ain t good fer nothin what 
 wid rheumatiz, no sah ! de old woman, she 
 desarves fer to go back an be a slave agin as 
 she was bawn, down in So* Calina, yes, sah ; fer 
 she ain t fit fer to live, no s haint." 
 "What s the matter now, John?" 
 " What you tink of a woman put a chawm 
 in her husban s tea fer to win back my love? 
 Dat s what she done ! put yarbs in my tea, yes, 
 sah. An* den when de chawm begun to wo k, 
 de fust pusson I sot eyes on was dat dere collud 
 cook oveh to Professor Wistler s an I done kiss 
 dat cook soon s I seen er, an mah wife she 
 seen me done it an she pull mah wool, an 
 dere was a eep o trouble fer me right den and 
 
In the Political Cauldron. 45 
 
 dere ; but dey 11 be more ef I jines de dimmy- 
 krats sah ! an* I se in a eep of more trouble, 
 wat wid Mistah Austin cain t find his new gold 
 watch, sah, an den Mistah Snow e says, * John, 
 ef you doan t brung back my smokin jacket in 
 one hour, I 11 thrash de skin off yo old bones ! 
 Dat wat e say, sah, an Mistah Everson, sah, 
 e s wearin dat smokin jacket, an e says e 
 likes it fuss rate, sah, fuss rate, an do wat 
 I ken, he won t take it off, sah ; an* sometimes 
 I do tink de good Lawd he done forgot po* 
 John. Yes, I do, an* I tink dat ef de dimmy- 
 krats gits in pow* agin, de cullud folks might 
 jess well turn up dere toes an stop prayin , an 
 den on top everythin else I hearn tell dat 
 Jefferson Davis, he want dead yit, is dat so, 
 Mistah Gardner? " 
 
 "Who told you that, John?" asked Phil, 
 laughing. 
 
 " Dat s wat several gentleums tole me. An 
 John Halter he said so too, dat he reely want 
 dead, an ef de dimmykrats git de pow agin, 
 a sekin time, dat dey 11 mak old Jeff Davis de 
 reel president an* dat de cullud folks haid better 
 look scace." 
 
 " Honest John " looked so seriously anxious 
 
46 Yale Yarns. 
 
 that Gardiner had not the heart to impose upon 
 him. 
 
 " No, John," he said kindly. " Jeff Davis is 
 really dead, and you darks are just as safe 
 under a democratic regime as a republican. You 
 can join the procession to-night and I 11 get you 
 a beautiful red cape and a lantern." 
 
 " Oh, no, sah. I ain t afraid, sah, but de 
 cullud gentleums up mah way, sah, dey carry 
 razzers, sah." 
 
 Gardiner laughed, but said nothing. 
 
 The old negro began laughing again in a 
 moment. " Oh, ef de dimmykrats won t do 
 nuffin till me an de ole woman is under 
 groun, why den, I don keer what dey does." 
 
 " The democratic party will take better care 
 of the negro than the republicans have ever 
 thought of doing ! " said Phil, with a grand 
 flourish of his razor. 
 
 " Honest John " dodged to one side. 
 
 " T-t-take keer, Mistah Gard ner, fo de 
 Lawd s sake, dat razzer s sharp ! dat s Mistah 
 Belcher s razzer, an he tink a heap o his razzer, 
 sah, an keeps hit mos sharp as my ole woman s 
 tongue, sah ! " 
 
 " Well, John, you thief, return Tom Belcher 
 
In the Political Caiddron. 47 
 
 his razor at once (Phil had finished shaving), and 
 go find mine ; if it is n t here in five minutes, 
 I don t know but I ll force you to carry a 
 lantern in our democratic procesh to-night." 
 
 But " Honest John, the thief," had quietly 
 left the room. 
 
 Phil Gardiner inherited from his father the 
 congressman, and his grandfather the governor, 
 and his great-grandfather the high something 
 or other, a rabid taste for politics. It was 
 through Phil s ingenuity that, when class 
 deacons were elected in Freshman year, and 
 only seventy-nine were present, his favorite can 
 didate received ninety-seven votes, and was 
 duly elected ! Phil had been on every con 
 ceivable kind of a committee, and had engi 
 neered every conceivable kind of a scheme 
 through the class, from voting to wear silk hats 
 the third term Freshman, and dropping a mons 
 ter paper balloon with the class numeral on 
 Prex s head from the top gallery at the Glee 
 Club concert Prom, week, to electing the com 
 mittee of the Senior Prom. He was very 
 popular in his class, and very naturally was 
 made chief marshal in the great monster pro 
 cession in honor of Cleveland and Stevenson 
 
48 Yale Yarns. 
 
 which was to come off that night, and which 
 was calculated to throw utterly in the shade the 
 republican procession a few nights before, and 
 about which, owing to the most excellent and 
 talented drum-major the democrats happened 
 to possess in the person of one "Sodger" 
 Flynn, a valiant Junior, there was already con 
 siderable talk on the Campus. 
 
 The republicans had a drum-major Saxton, 
 but he was very rank in comparison with 
 " Sodger " Flynn. He was n t in the same 
 class with Flynn. He could twirl his baton 
 after a fashion, but the hoodlums and street 
 gamins followed the "Sodger" from York 
 Square to the boat-house, fascinated by his 
 wonderful manoeuvres, and the independent 
 voter of New Haven was naturally overawed 
 and brought down and captured at once by 
 the phenomenal twists and gyrations of Flynn s 
 baton. He would throw it up in the air and 
 catch it behind him, and twist it under his arms, 
 his legs, and around his neck amid the shouts 
 of the populace. Oh, it was a grand sight to see 
 the " Sodger" lead the band around a corner, 
 and file and counter-file past any obstruction, 
 never out of step, and holding his head up 
 
In the Political Cauldron. 49 
 
 proud and as if sure of victory ! Ah, yes! Flynn 
 was indeed the very heart and soul of the pro 
 cession. 
 
 Imagine, therefore, Phil Gardiner s utter con 
 sternation when, just as he finished shaving, a 
 little note was brought to him which he tore 
 open and read, as follows : 
 
 " 1282 FARNAM, October 28th. 
 
 " DEAR GARDINER I am very sorry to say that I won t be 
 able to march to-night. While I was fooling out in the gym. 
 lot this morning, I sprained my ankle badly. The doctor says 
 I won t walk for a week, perhaps two. I m awful sorry. 
 
 Yours truly, 
 
 " H. J. FLYNN. 
 
 " P. S. You can have my baton if you wish it, but I m 
 sorry you can t have me. F." 
 
 " Blankety blank blank ! " said Phil, disgusted. 
 " The * Sodger can t march ! sprained his 
 ankle ! " 
 
 A number of fellows had dropped in after 
 morning recitation, and among them " Little 
 Jack " Horner and " Boots " Paige, who were 
 republicans by paternal choice. 
 
 " That s all right," said Horner ; " you re 
 dished your procession won t amount to a hill 
 of beans, without the Sodger ! " 
 
 " Blankety blankety confound the little Irish 
 fool ! Could n t he wait and break his leg or 
 
50 Yale Yarns. 
 
 even his neck after to-night, I should like to 
 know ? Now I m going over to his room and 
 satisfy my mind it is n t a fake. Sprain his 
 ankle ! some republican has done him on 
 purpose ! What the deuce are we to do for a 
 drum-major? " 
 
 Phil rushed out of the room and over to 
 Farnam, where the " Sodger " lived, and those 
 in the room fell to discussing foot-ball, a 
 favorite topic just then among some men for 
 whom politics did not have an overpowering 
 fascination. 
 
 Presently Phil came charging back again, 
 very much harassed in mind. 
 
 " He can t move for a fact, poor devil ! " he 
 said. " Bad sprain, but what am I to do ? No 
 one else can do the drum-major act, and the 
 publicans 11 have the laugh on us ! " 
 
 " Can t you get one in town, hire one ? " 
 
 " We have spent our last red in the band 
 and the torches and the capes. We can t hire 
 one, it s a disgrace to us not to have our own 
 drum-major ! What luck ! " 
 
 " Little Jack " Horner sat very quietly puff 
 ing away on a Nile cigarette. At last he said : 
 " I guess I can fix it." 
 
In the Political Cauldron. 5 1 
 
 " What do you mean, Jack ? " 
 
 " Can you borrow the Sodger s baton ? " 
 
 " Yes, I think I can." 
 
 " Send for it, and I 11 show you how to do 
 the trick." 
 
 " Little Jack " Horner, as has been said, was 
 a republican by parental influence, and the 
 repubs. in the room all said : " You re not go 
 ing to help the democrats out with their pro- 
 cesh, Jack?" 
 
 " You wait," said " Little Jack," and then he 
 seemed to grin all over his round, Cupid-like 
 little body, and they knew something was in 
 the wind. 
 
 Phil Gardiner sent over and borrowed Flynn s 
 baton, a very elegant affair with red tassels and 
 brass head-piece. Gardiner and Flynn had 
 " prepared" together at a military school on 
 the Hudson, and the boys had presented the 
 staff to the " Sodger " as a reward of distin 
 guished merit on his leaving school for college. 
 Flynn kept it carefully and sacredly in a long 
 oaken box, one of the greatest treasures of his 
 room. 
 
 He had great reluctance in lending the baton 
 to Phil Gardiner, but his scruples were over- 
 
52 Yale Yarns. 
 
 come by thoughts of doing some service to his 
 party. 
 
 " Be careful of it, boys, I would n t lose it 
 for a thousand dollars," he said from the couch 
 where he lay with his sprained ankle in his 
 Farnam room. " It s my one trick I do which 
 gives me hopes of immortality." 
 
 When " Little Jack " Horner got the baton 
 in his hands, he called for some rubber bands, 
 and knotted a half dozen of these together and 
 fastened the end to the middle of the baton, 
 and the other end to his wrist. 
 
 " Now watch me, and I 11 show you how the 
 trick is done, Phil," he said, and he proceeded 
 to astonish the roomful by his manipulations. 
 He tossed the stick in the air and caught it ; 
 whirled it around twice (breaking a gas globe, 
 but that did n t matter), and Phil Gardiner 
 fairly danced with joy. 
 
 "You re a little brick, Jack!" he cried. 
 " Give it to me, and I 11 see what I can do 
 with it." 
 
 Phil seized the baton, and did better than 
 " Little Jack " he broke a looking-glass ! 
 
 Phil Gardiner practised all the morning and 
 afternoon between recitations with the baton, 
 
In the Political Cauldron. 53 
 
 and by evening felt that he would make an ex 
 cellent substitute for the " Sodger." Whatever 
 he did with the stick, and no matter how many 
 times it came back and hit him on the head, he 
 never lost it, and although he had terrific 
 bumps on his forehead, which compelled him 
 to wear his wide-a-wake cap on one side, and 
 had received black and blue spots from " the 
 
 d d thing," as he called it, all over his arms 
 
 and his body, he ate a hasty supper at his club 
 and went over to High Street, where the stu 
 dent brigade a force of some five hundred 
 men was to form, in capital spirits. 
 
 The procession was an imposing affair. 
 Nearly two thousand good Democrats from 
 New Haven and outlying towns were to march 
 in it, and many houses and stores along Chapel 
 Street and York, and through the city on the 
 line of march, were brilliantly illuminated with 
 red fire and Chinese lanterns. As the student 
 force rested along High Street, waiting for the 
 procession to come down Chapel from York 
 Street, it was seen that each class carried a 
 large banner and illumination : " Cleveland and 
 Reform," " Free Trade and Cheap Commodi 
 ties," "Yale and Reform," " Umpty-Six and 
 
54 Yale Yarns. 
 
 Cleveland," " Grandpa s Hat is in the Soup," 
 and a lot more mottoes hurling contumely 
 upon the enemy, printed in staring black letters. 
 
 Phil Gardiner combined marshal duties with 
 that of drum-major, and he hurried down the 
 line giving commands, and the student ranks 
 were arranged six abreast. The Seniors came 
 first, then the Juniors, Sophs., and Freshmen. 
 Then followed the Sheffs. with a separate 
 band, with a modest drum-major of their own. 
 
 Phil had borrowed a shako of a New Haven 
 friend a member of the " Grays," and as he 
 heard the head band of the procession, with 
 trumpets and drums, marching into Chapel at 
 York Street corner, he suddenly conceived 
 a brilliant plan he determined to execute a 
 grand coup of strategy and place his own com 
 mand at the right of the entire procession ! 
 
 So, ordering his band to strike up, he at once 
 gave the command to march, and wheeled his 
 columns to the left, past the Art building down 
 Chapel, the line of march at the head of the 
 procession. 
 
 Of course, this tickled the students immensely 
 and they gave the college cheer, while Major 
 O Dowd, who was in command, leading the pro- 
 
In the Political Caiildron. 55 
 
 cession of townies down Chapel from York, on 
 horseback, was naturally furious. 
 
 " Begorra ! ut s a student thrick ! " he cried 
 to his aids, and dashed down toward the stu 
 dent brigade to head them off. But Phil Gardi 
 ner was proudly leading off the band and 
 twirling and tossing his baton in the air, to the 
 delight of the crowds on the sidewalks, and the 
 Major had to turn back discomfited. 
 
 " I 11 be even wid the likes of you yet, 
 Misther Gardner! " bawled the Major, shaking 
 his sword in the air, but he had to halt his 
 command to allow the students first place. 
 
 Down Chapel they marched, the band play 
 ing Sousa s " High-School Cadet Two-Step," 
 and Phil Gardiner leading on, tossing his baton, 
 whirling it about his shako, catching it again 
 with the greatest ease and agility, it was the 
 proudest moment of his life. 
 
 "Little Jack" Horner and a lot of Junior 
 and Senior republicans had gathered on the 
 Osborne Hall steps to guy the procession as 
 they went by. 
 
 " Get on to the fake drum-major! " shouted 
 the republicans, but it did n t go with the 
 crowd for a cent. 
 
56 Yale Yarns. 
 
 "Gad! " said Paige, "Jack, your improvised 
 drum-major is a howling success ! " as Gardiner, 
 feeling on his mettle between the mass of re 
 publican students on one side, and the New 
 Haven House, whose windows and balconies 
 were crowded with girls, on the other, gave his 
 baton an extra toss and won the applause and 
 hand-clapping as he came along, the very model 
 of a modern drum-major. 
 
 "Watch him, watch him!" cried "Little 
 Jack," excitedly. " If that rubber elastic breaks 
 he s dished ! " 
 
 Then, as luck would have it, as he said the 
 words, the baton in Phil s hands gave a tremen 
 dous leap and landed far on the turf of the com 
 mon, behind the crowd, amid the laughter of all. 
 
 "He s done! He s done, boys! Run get 
 that baton!" shouted "Little Jack," to his 
 alert republican friends. Barrington dashed 
 swiftly through the crowd, grabbed the baton 
 out of the hands of a gamin who had picked it 
 up, and ran madly across the common, until 
 he was out of sight ; then he carried it up to 
 " Sodger " Flynn s room and stood it up against 
 his door and sneaked back through the Campus 
 to Osborn Hall. 
 
In the Political Cauldron. 57 
 
 Phil Gardiner gave a cry of despair, seized 
 his shako off his head, tucked it under his arm, 
 and, forgetting his duties as drum-major, started 
 madly after his lost baton. They were then 
 just at the corner of Chapel and College Streets, 
 the famous " fence corner" so admirably de 
 picted in Rowland s painting, now in the gym 
 nasium. The band, seeing Drum-Major Gardi 
 ner turn to the left, in the blind, fatuous way 
 bands have (they follow their drum-major like 
 sheep), wheeled to the left also, and led the 
 procession of student torches idiotically off past 
 the colleges down College toward Elm. 
 
 Phil Gardiner, seeing this mistake, halted his 
 column a moment, then, seeing that the jig was 
 up, and that the baton was gone and " forever 
 lost," seized a torch and marched his men on 
 down College Street, swearing that he d have 
 revenge on somebody, he hardly knew whom. 
 
 Major O Dowd, greatly pleased to get even, 
 resumed the leadership, and marched his col 
 umn down Chapel, the prescribed line of march, 
 thus making two fine democratic displays on 
 either side of the green, and giving an impres 
 sion to the casual looker-on as if the whole 
 thing had been so planned from the beginning. 
 
58 Yale Yarns. 
 
 Well, those two democratic processions kept 
 it up all night pretty much, wandering over the 
 lower part of New Haven, a " fairly perfect 
 example of the usual dissensions in the demo 
 cratic party," as the republican newspapers 
 hinted next day, But one thing was to their 
 credit, they never came to blows, and the dis 
 play was really magnificent. 
 
 " All s well that ends well." President 
 Cleveland, I believe, is at present occupying 
 the White House at Washington, and Phil 
 Gardiner has hanging in his boarding-house 
 room in New York, where he is at present 
 studying law, as a preliminary to entering poli 
 tics in his native State, a handsome baton with 
 a silver head, presented to him by his demo 
 cratic classmates and friends, as a testimonial 
 of their regard for his efforts in the great politi 
 cal campaign generally, that year, and particu 
 larly for his brave effort to do drum-major s 
 duty with an elastic string. 
 
"LITTLE JACK" HORNER S PIE. 
 
 " How did you get jugged, * Little Jack ? " 
 
 " I did n t," he answered indignantly, " be 
 sides, that s a very impertinent question to ask 
 of any gent as considers hisself a gent. It is 
 begging the question ; it s as bad as that funny 
 one oh ! so funny in Jevons s Logic, Why 
 did you kill your grandmother? the joke we 
 all laughed so hard over, by preconcerted sig 
 nal, don t you remember in recitation last 
 term ? " 
 
 " Tell us the whole story ; we were in at the 
 end of it ; we each had a piece of pie." 
 
 They were sitting and smoking on the fence 
 in front of Durfee. It was a mild June even 
 ing. They were in the midst of the usual dis 
 cussion about the crew or the nine. Wherever 
 a knot of students gathered at this season, on 
 the Campus, the subject of excited conversation 
 was the nine ; if it w r as n t, it was the crew. If 
 it was neither the nine nor the crew, it was the 
 59 
 
60 Yale Yarns. 
 
 class nine or crew. If it was neither class nine 
 nor crew, it was, probably, Harvard s nine or 
 crew. You see, the student topics of conversa 
 tion at this season, after the secret-society 
 elections had been given out, and there was 
 little to look forward to, on the whole, were 
 rather limited. 
 
 " Little Jack " Horner puffed away on his 
 cigarette, smiled, looked knowing, said nothing. 
 Then he climbed up laboriously he was too 
 short to do it comfortably and perched on the 
 fence. 
 
 Austin, " Laze " Aldrich, Barrington, Tad 
 Nelson, and " Boots " Paige were in the group. 
 
 " Haley can t pitch for a tinker s ," said 
 
 Austin. 
 
 "Shut up! Let s hear Little Jack s ac 
 count of himself." 
 
 They enjoyed " Little Jack" Horner s tales, 
 even if, dear reader, they may not always be 
 agreeable to you, an outsider. His manner 
 was everything. He d wink his eye, roll his 
 tongue, drawl, imitate the speakers, and keep 
 every one laughing, although they might have 
 heard the tale a dozen times. 
 
 "This happened last Friday night," said 
 
"Little Jack " Homers Pie. 6 1 
 
 " Little Jack " Horner, " and it s too fresh to 
 be given away yet. It must be kept on the 
 dead quiet, for if the Faculty knew it, my 
 marks are now about the limit. Barrington, 
 when dining with Prexy next Sunday, don t 
 tell it as an after-dinner yarn, for I want very 
 much, if I can, to lap over into Junior year with 
 youse fellers. 
 
 " Go ahead, Jack Horner ! " 
 
 After lighting a fresh cigarette, and tipping 
 his hat on the back of his head, " Little Jack " 
 went ahead as follows : 
 
 " Hurlburt, * Handsome Dan, Billy Scot, and 
 I were over at the club, and, like a pack of fools 
 having nothing else to do, got to drinking cow 
 punches. 
 
 " Now, we did n t know anything about milk 
 punches, as you will find out if you listen. But 
 they are awfully dangerous food. We drank a 
 round, then another round. Then we could n t 
 think of the name of any other kind of drink, 
 and had just one more, and, I don t know; 
 we all went up to my room. Then we went 
 back to the club, like a pack of fools, and bet 
 each other we could n t go one more ; then we 
 had two more each, and then we went back to 
 
62 Yale Yarns. 
 
 my room in Lawrance, and all went to sleep. 
 Yes, sir, it was about seven then, without 
 thinking about supper at all. We lay down in 
 our tracks just as we were, and when my chum 
 Keith came in after supper, he just said Gee ! 
 and walked out again and let us sleep, and we 
 slept ; and Keith he spent the night over with 
 Dwarf Sprague in Durfee. 
 
 " Well, we slept an slept, and along about 
 five o clock in the morning we began to wake 
 up, and I felt deuced hungry. 
 
 " Then, by Jerusalem, a funny thing hap 
 pened. You see, the milk had all digested by 
 this time and left the rum and brandy room to 
 get in its fine work in their heads; and Hurl- 
 burt was under a frightful jag, and Handsome 
 Dan Hastings was going about on his hands 
 and knees looking, he said, for his lost virtue. 
 Billy Scot tipped over all the chairs and threw 
 my Greek lexicon out of the window. I was 
 the only sober man in the crowd." 
 
 " Oh, oh, how about bawling for your mammy 
 calling to the night-watchman, out of the 
 window, * Go up, thou baldhead ! " cried Trow- 
 bridge ; " and * Watchman, tell us of the 
 night? 
 
1 Little Jack " Homers Pie. 63 
 
 " Shut up. Who s telling this yarn ? I saw 
 it would n t do to let em fool around and make 
 any more noise in college, so I got em all out 
 on a foot race, for a purse. I started em all 
 up towards ShefL and Hillhouse Avenue, on a 
 dead run. The usually fastidious Hurlburt 
 took the gutter and fell down three times on 
 the way to Sheff. ! Then I think we serenaded 
 a fern. sem. and the next thing queer, was n t 
 it ? we found ourselves solemnly sitting in a 
 row, on the steps of Osborne Hall, and hardly 
 a sign of a jag between us ! 
 
 " By that time, say six o clock in the morn 
 ing, we were mortal hungry, and nothing was 
 open, for we d tried several joints on the way 
 up and they were closed tight as drums. 
 
 " We were wondering what we d do or wait 
 for breakfast, when, to our immense relief, up 
 drove the great covered wagon of the Great 
 Consolidated American Pie Company, what 
 ever that was, and delivered a dozen pies at the 
 restaurant. 
 
 " We felt in our pockets but had n t a cent be 
 tween us, and Billy Scot, when the pie-man got 
 off his perch and went in to deliver his goods, 
 slipped into the covered wagon, and crooked 
 
64 Yale Yarns. 
 
 four pies, and got back without the driver s see 
 ing him. Gee ! they were daisies too ! * Easy 
 fruit ! we all said, and the driver in the Com 
 pany s uniform, seeing us eating his pies, looked 
 mad, and shook his fist at us. We gave him a 
 little chin I remember Hurlburt s asking him 
 if he was anything like the Pied Piper of 
 Hamelin ? and the fellow swore a round of 
 first-rate oaths Blankety blankety blank you 
 blankety students, I 11 get even with you yet ! 
 
 " * Go there yourself ! We laughed and 
 munched and he drove off furiously, down 
 Chapel Street. We thought that was the last 
 we should see of him. 
 
 " But no sooner had we finished our pies in 
 good shape, and were just about ready for 
 another fresh one, when back came the Great 
 Consolidated again, and the driver got out and 
 went into the restaurant just as before. 
 
 " Gee ! I could n t stand that, you know ; so, 
 being frightfully hungry by this time, I sneaked 
 up to the wagon, and climbed in to pinch some 
 more pies. I got up on the forward wheels and 
 was just climbing over the seat into the interior 
 of the cavern as our friend Virgil observes of 
 the interior of the Wooden Horse at Troy, 
 
"Little Jack " Homers Pie. 65 
 
 when Christopher Hemlock ! Two coppers 
 grinning like a pair of bloomin hyenas jumped 
 forward, grabbed me by the arm and pulled me 
 over the wheels and into the inside of that aw 
 ful pie-wagon, where it was dark as pitch. It 
 had a door which shut tight, and you can im 
 agine my feelings to be shut up in that horri 
 ble Black Maria, with two policemen and forty 
 thousand pies ! There were apple - pies and 
 cranberry-pies, and meat-pies and custard-pies, 
 and, although I was still hungry, I had enough 
 pie and it was awful ! and what s more, I 
 trembled, for I knew if the Faculty got wind of 
 it I d be sent down sure yes, it would have 
 been three months in rure. 
 
 " Well, I cussed and blanked em, but the 
 coppers held on to me all the harder and 
 tighter, and we bounced and bounded from one 
 side of the street to the other inside the * Con 
 solidated/ in our mad haste to get to the jug. 
 
 " Of course, I could n t see what went on out 
 side the blamed pie-wagon, but I knew that 
 Hurlburt and Dan and Billy Scot weren t the 
 chappies to let me be whirled off to the jug 
 without some sort of a feeble protest. So I just 
 kept the coppers interested ; although I heard 
 
66 Yale Yarns. 
 
 some sort of scuffling going on with the driver, 
 I did n t know what it was, I kept the bobbies 
 busy with me, and drew their attention away. 
 
 " Presently the bloomin pie-wagon stopped, 
 then there seemed to be more scuffling outside 
 and I fought and tore trying to get out, and 
 then the wagon went on again. 
 
 " Then it came to a full stop, and they opened 
 the door of the cussed thing and out we got 
 in front of the jug. How he did it I don t 
 know, but there, sitting on the driver s box as 
 cool as Moses, and in the driver s uniform and 
 cap, sat Billy Scot, as big as life. What they d 
 done with the real driver, I did not know till 
 later. 
 
 " * Keep em busy and they won t notice me, 
 he whispered, and I began to pull and haul and 
 pretend I was going to break away and skip 
 across the green up to the Campus. 
 
 " * For a leetel divvil, yer a corker ! said 
 one of the cops. Kape still, or I 11 use me 
 club as a persuader ! Yiz stoodents ill find out 
 soon yiz doant own de eart ! 
 
 " I would n t want to own " de eart " on you ! 
 I retorted. 
 
 "In we all went before the police captain, 
 
"Little Jack " Homers Pie. 6 7 
 
 and as it was then only about half-past six 
 o clock, the captain was just out of bed and 
 hardly awake, and in a state of rage at having 
 so early an arrest to attend to. 
 
 " Wha s the charge ? he growled, as we 
 all lined up before the bar, I with a cop on 
 either side holding on to my arm for dear life 
 (I think I came up to their elbows), and Billy 
 Scot in the Great Consolidated Pie Company s 
 uniform, cap and coat, and looking as innocent 
 as a sheep. 
 
 " Wha s the charge, officer ? growled the 
 captain, a huge Irishman, with a red face and 
 bleary eye. 
 
 " Stealin pies, he s the driver [indicating 
 Scot with a jerk of his thumb], he makes the 
 charge, captain. 
 
 " Do you make the charge ? said the cap 
 tain, looking at Scot fixedly, as if to bore a 
 hole through him." 
 
 " * Agin who ? said Billy, in a surly tone, 
 Billy was adapting himself to look at things 
 from the driver s standpoint. 
 
 " * Agin this young man they have here. 
 
 " He wa n t stealin no pies, said Billy, 
 lurching forward. 
 
68 Yale Yarns. 
 
 " Well, who was then ? bellowed the 
 captain. 
 
 " Them two officers, captain. An it ain t 
 the fust time nayther. 
 
 " The two officers at this became absolutely 
 dumb and speechless with astonishment. I 
 never saw any one so nonplussed in all my life ! 
 But I held myself in and kept myself down 
 and said : That s so, Captain Cockran [I 
 knew his name]. They got caught and tried 
 to lay the blame on an innocent man. 
 
 " One of the coppers, in a sort of apoplectic 
 coma, stammered something, and the captain 
 bawled out, in a voice of fury : Howld yer 
 tongue ! will yez ! Wait till I ask yez to spake ! 
 It s time this petty thavin by officers should 
 be stopped, an I mane to stop ut ef it takes 
 all the min off the force ! 
 
 " They was inside my pie-wagon, said 
 Scot. 
 
 " * They was ? Was you inside the pie- 
 wagin ? demanded the captain, in a voice of 
 thunder. Spake ! 
 
 " Yis, answered one of the coppers, meekly 
 terrified at his captain s sternness. 
 
 " Thin, 1 11 hear no more o this. Dist- 
 
"Little Jack " Homers Pie. 69 
 
 charge that little bye there as looks as inner- 
 cent as a new-born babe ! 
 
 " I took a step backward. 
 
 " * Officer, arrist these two roundsmen, an 
 lock them up until a complaint ken be made 
 out agin them before the justice. 
 
 " Yer Honor, said Billy Scot, * I don t wish 
 to press no charge, I jest want the officers 
 reprimanded, that s all. 
 
 " I thought myself it was all he could or 
 ought to expect at the time ! 
 
 " The captain, in his outraged sense of jus 
 tice, would n t let either of the men speak and 
 clear himself, and proceeded to give them a 
 fearful raking down, and at the close of his 
 tongue lashing remanded them over to be 
 further lectured by the Justice, who usually 
 opened court at ten A.M. 
 
 " So Billy and I thanked the captain, and 
 went out grinning all over, and got on the seat 
 of the pie wagon and drove off up towards the 
 colleges, laughing until the tears ran down our 
 cheeks. 
 
 " Where have you hid the driver ? I asked 
 Billy. 
 
 " They said they d take him up to the 
 
70 Yale Yarns. 
 
 room, but I advised them to keep him down in 
 the basement, and be careful about names too. 
 You see we had to drag him off the seat, and 
 we mauled him pretty well in doing it. Then 
 we made him take off his coat, and I put it on, 
 and you know the rest. The last / saw of 
 the driver, he was being led, against his better 
 judgment, at a fast pace toward Lawrance 
 Hall ! 
 
 " So we drove the pie-wagon up Elm to the 
 corner of College Street, and Scot held the 
 reins while I went in to investigate. 
 
 " Hurlburt whistled to me out of his Law 
 rance window, and told me they had the driver 
 .up in the room, so I ran up, and found they 
 had the driver tied to the steam radiator ! 
 
 " He threatens to peach on us/ said Dan. 
 
 " Does he? said I. Well, then, we ll 
 have all the fun we can now, boys ! And I 
 got out a large sheet of paper and marked on 
 it, in big letters : 
 
 ! FRESH PIES FREE TO-DAY ONLY!! : 
 
 And the driver saw the sign and weakened a 
 little, I thought. So I said : We 11 put this 
 
"Little Jack " Homers Pie. 7 1 
 
 sign on the wagon and drive in on the Campus. 
 In three minutes every fellow in college will 
 have a piece of pie ! 
 
 " What s more, said Scot, we 11 dispose of 
 you O pie driver in a dungeon cell under 
 ground where no pies will ever cheer your 
 chary soul again ! 
 
 " The driver turned very pale, and trembled. 
 
 " Say, he pleaded, don t put me into one 
 o them jugs without no windys to em, will 
 ye? they calls em Bones n Keys. 
 
 " No/ laughed Scot, we won t do that ! 
 
 " But the driver gave no further sign of 
 weakening and said nothing, and so I ran 
 down, and Scotty and I determined to have a 
 little fun. It was near chapel time now, and 
 every one was up, and going or coming from 
 breakfast. We drove the great van up between 
 Durfee and Alumni Hall, and enjoyed our 
 selves immensely perambulating up and down 
 in front of Farnam and Lawrance, with our 
 sign out in full force. I don t think I ever had 
 so much fun in all my life. Scotty got a fish- 
 horn from somewhere, and the procession fell 
 in behind the wagon, and we marched over 
 almost as far as the Art building, when Profes- 
 
72 Yale Yarns. 
 
 sor Dribble came up to us and ordered us off 
 the Campus. 
 
 " Who owns that vehicle ? he asked. 
 
 " The Great Consolidated American Pie 
 Company/ I answered. 
 
 " * What are you doing with that vehicle on 
 the Campus, Mr. Horner? 
 
 " * Only going to prayers, sir, said Scotty, and 
 I spoke up quickly: 
 
 " * I m trying to turn it around and get out, 
 sir. 
 
 " See that you do so without further delay ! 
 
 " Then he turned and walked away, looking 
 very angry. 
 
 " Then I described a conic section, and drove 
 around past the library and so got back to 
 Duriee. There the Dwarf and his gang of 
 Durfee turks set upon us, and then the whole 
 college had pie ! Scotty and I could n t stop 
 them, it was no use. Every pie in the wagon 
 was captured ! One hundred and fifty pies 
 stolen! Oh, the slaughter was awful ! Even 
 Seniors went crazy with the rest and daubed 
 themselves over with pie. The chapel bell be 
 gan tolling and pie invaded the sanctuary. 
 We called a sweep and told him to hold the 
 
"Little Jack " Homers Pie. 73 
 
 horses, and hurried into prayers, and when we 
 came out every dark on the Campus was around 
 that pie-wagon like flies around molasses. I 
 ran up to Hurlburt s room and tried to get 
 in, but the door was locked, and I heard 
 the driver inside begging to be let out, and 
 swearing he d never tell a soul about the 
 affair. 
 
 " * But I m a worryin myself fer fear them 
 nigs 11 eat all the paint off my new waggin, 
 he said, gazing out the window * an them os- 
 ses may be et too oh, this is too much ! 
 Please, kind gents, let me go ! let me go home 
 to mother ! 
 
 " Well, the upshot of it was that Hurlburt, 
 Dan, and Scotty came up at that moment, and 
 we went out and borrowed some money, made 
 up a purse of twenty dollars on the spot, and the 
 driver at last was more than satisfied. He d 
 sold his pies at a big profit, and he went and 
 got his team and meekly drove off. 
 
 " I forgot to say that we warned the driver 
 if he ever did anything about it we d have his 
 life!" 
 
 " Well, I hope nothing will ever come of it ! " 
 said the listeners, laughing. 
 
74 Yale Yarns. 
 
 And nothing ever did, for the " Great Con 
 solidated American Pie Company," which prob 
 ably consisted of the driver, his wife, mother, 
 and all the driver s family, wrote " Little Jack " 
 a pleasant letter a few days later, and sent him 
 a huge apple-pie, two and a half feet in di 
 ameter, by actual measurement. They could 
 hardly get it in his room door ! It is needless 
 to say that Hurlburt, " Handsome Dan," Billy 
 Scot, Keith, and " Boots " Paige, and several 
 more, had a royal feast out of it, and later on 
 they mixed a punch, and all sang in maudlin 
 chorus, at about two o clock in the morning, to 
 the horror of the tutor beneath them : 
 
 " Little Jack Homer, 
 
 Sat in a corner, 
 
 Eating his Great American Pie ; 
 He put in his thumb, 
 And pulled out a plum, 
 And said : Oh, what a great boy am I ! " 
 
 ( Repetitio ad in Jin.) 
 
WITH THE DWIGHT HALL HEELERS. 
 
 AVERILL came up to his room in South Mid 
 dle with somewhat more than his usual appear 
 ance of quietude and dejection. He was tall, 
 thin, and stooped a little, with that melancholy 
 droop to his shoulders which proclaims a man 
 recklessly given over to the making the very 
 most of his college course, and possessing a de 
 votion to midnight oil and dull grinding which 
 must inevitably lead to a philosophical and in 
 capacitate him for the boat or the foot-ball 
 field, as Barrington said of his kind. His 
 face was drawn and pale and as he entered the 
 door his lustrous dark eyes, in which the beauti 
 ful soul of the man shone out with the fine en 
 thusiasm of a true Grecian, looked anywhere 
 but into the eyes of his chum. 
 
 Averill sank down in a corner of his lounge, 
 and looked blankly into the embers of the 
 wood fire for a moment, then rose with a curi 
 ous restlessness, and stood with his hands in 
 75 
 
76 Yale Yarns. 
 
 his pockets before the window, looking down 
 at a number of his classmates who were stand 
 ing on the sidewalk laughing and joking about 
 something that apparently had recently amused 
 them. 
 
 His chum, known to a majority of the class as 
 a " greasy grind," " Deacon " Demarest, had 
 raised his eyes and glanced at Averill through 
 a pair of near-sighted spectacles, and let them 
 drop again on the Agruola, of one Caius Cor 
 nelius Tacitus, a work he was studiously perus 
 ing by way of doing a little extra reading for a 
 classical scholarship prize. The examination 
 was to take place two weeks later, and the good 
 Deacon for a month had assumed the usual 
 " grouch " of a hard-working " dig." He was 
 nervous, peevish, irritable, and unhappy. If he 
 should be fortunate enough to be successful he 
 would be able to finish his course without fur 
 ther drawing upon the narrow store of funds 
 possessed by his widowed mother. Ah, how 
 the good fellow longed, toiled, w\& prayed to be 
 successful ! Aye he even went so far that he 
 thought it no sin to read Epictetus Sunday 
 afternoons instead of going down to the usual 
 mission ! 
 
With the Dwight Hall Heelers. 77 
 
 The Deacon was already working extra hours 
 for his prize scholarship exams., and Averill had 
 been for a week particularly careful not to disturb 
 him, and particularly anxious to give to his chum 
 the aid and assistance of his own more brilliant 
 scholarship. The " digs." to a man had been 
 confident that Averill could have the scholar 
 ship almost for the asking, but Averill, when the 
 time came, seemed too listless to enter the 
 competition, and evidently preferred his chum s 
 ambitions to his own. For a week he had done 
 no reading for it, indeed he had done little or 
 no work of any kind. He had gone into reci 
 tation after recitation entirely unprepared, and 
 once or twice narrowly escaped making a dis 
 graceful fizzle. 
 
 The Deacon had warned his chum and had 
 taken him seriously to task for his singular 
 lapse from his usual studious habits. But his 
 short, sharp admonitions to return to the path 
 of rectitude had been lost on Averill, who 
 seemed at times so ill, so enervated, and so de 
 pressed that the good Deacon almost feared he 
 was about to come down with a fever. 
 
 But a man cramming heart and soul for a se 
 vere examination, working steadily eighteen 
 
78 Yale Yarns. 
 
 hours out of the twenty-four, is the most utterly 
 selfish being in the world. His strain and stress 
 of mind bent on the accumulation of details, 
 and the filling the storehouse of his memory 
 with an enormous variety of unnecessary facts, 
 which he is to use once and forget ever after 
 ward, compel him to concentrate all his forces 
 upon himself, and to forget his friends and his 
 surroundings. 
 
 Deacon Demarest had a nervous irritated 
 sense that all was not well with Averill, but the 
 overpowering feeling was of high indignation 
 that at a time so trying to him, his chum should 
 seize the opportunity to have such distress. 
 Averill s very self-repression, his silence, his 
 occasional sighs, made the Deacon break out 
 once or twice raging, as men will savagely 
 growl who have had too little sleep and too 
 much nervous strain for a fortnight. Ho\v 
 could he gather in the fine points of the Cyro- 
 pcedia, or master the profound meaning of the 
 (Edipus Tyrannus, or pursue his Quintus Curti- 
 us, knowing and feeling the burden of his chum s 
 unuttered, and apparently unutterable, sorrow ? 
 
 Two men living so closely together as chums 
 in college act and react on each other, pro- 
 
With the Dwight Hall Heelers. 79 
 
 foundly, like man and wife. Averill endured 
 these outbreaks without a murmur. Some 
 times he absented himself for long periods ; 
 sometimes he, expressed himself sententiously 
 in his brief phrase, TO Iniri^dv padiov effTir 
 to find fault is easy, but never resented 
 Demarest s nervous bitterness ; once he put his 
 hand quietly on Demarest s shoulder and gently 
 patted it. It brought the moisture to the 
 " Deacon s " near-sighted old eyes, and brought 
 him abruptly to his feet, with a sigh and a 
 " God forgive my outrageous temper! " Then 
 he d shake Averill s hand heartily, and Averil 
 would sit staring at him with his dark speaking 
 eyes, full of affection and full of strange dread, 
 listless and inert. 
 
 Demarest looked up and said suddenly, one 
 day : " There s a secret, Bob, which lies heavy 
 on your heart ; I have felt the burden of it for 
 days ; but the exam., Bob 
 
 " I know ; and it will keep ! " 
 
 " You will tell me ? " 
 
 " Yes, after your trouble is over, old boy." 
 
 " If you cared to tell me now, perhaps it 
 would be better, I should n t be worried." 
 
 " No, there is time enough." 
 
8o Yale Yarns. 
 
 The Deacon looked at his chum for a 
 moment, then plunged into his Plato, with a 
 sigh, and a grit of his teeth. If there was any 
 one in the world, he wondered, so unselfish, so 
 considerate as his chum ? But his business now 
 was with the profane old pagans, and, well, he 
 remembered that Bob s secret would keep. 
 
 And the secret ? 
 
 Averill with a half dozen " Dwight Hall 
 heelers," as they were called by the Paige- 
 Horner-Barrington crowd the swell crowd, 
 ran a little mission in the lower part of the city, 
 a mission which, as some of these devoted 
 Christians began to feel, seemed to be hardly 
 more than a resting-place each Sunday for the 
 lowest order of the species tramp. The good 
 they did, the words they spoke, of how little 
 effect ! It was almost heart-breaking some 
 times, to see the same old " bums," after trying 
 more or less, to lead a better life, come tum 
 bling down again into the gutter, and be forced 
 to be lifted up once more by main strength and 
 hard praying ! Averill seemed to understand 
 the poor lost creatures better than any one else. 
 It was never his habit to rebuke or admonish 
 or talk down to them. He d simply speak to 
 
With the Dwight Hall Heelers. 8 1 
 
 them as if he were down there in the mire with 
 them, struggling upwards with them, he and 
 they together ; he d say it was hard to give up 
 the drink, and sigh, just as if he himself felt it 
 as keenly true as they, poor wretches. 
 
 " Ah, my lads," said " Little Jack" Horner, 
 who, one day, with " Boots " Paige strolled into 
 the mission to be amused and came away very 
 silent and much impressed, and related what 
 they had seen, in " Laze " Aldrich s room. 
 " Ah, my lads, if you could have heard that fine 
 Grecian, the best Greek scholar by a thousand 
 yards in the class, far away and beyond any 
 thing / ever supposed possible ; have you heard 
 Averill in the Antigone ? Well, I Ve heard him 
 in the Antigone and I ve heard him speaking to 
 half a dozen old bums. It was n t eloquence, 
 it was something higher. They d been drunk 
 for a week, and turned up at the mission 
 because it was warm, and they got a cup of hot 
 coffee and a biscuit, and Bob Averill spoke to 
 them. Boots and I sat riveted in our seats." 
 
 There was a short pause. 
 
 " Little Jack " seemed strangely agitated, and 
 they told him to go right on and not get into a 
 funk. 
 
82 Yale Yarns. 
 
 " If he had been inspired, he would have 
 spoken just so. Temperance ? " " Little Jack " 
 made a contemptuous face. " No, no ; it was 
 something like this, but I can t give you the 
 tenderness, the gentleness, the real goodness 
 of it. * We have a hard life, have n t we, 
 friends? and we drink to get out of it ; life is 
 what we are trying to get away from, and life 
 is bitter, cruel, and hard to most of us ; we Ve 
 had our troubles, God knows ; no shelter over 
 our heads some of these cold nights, and the 
 drink is shelter ; no coats to keep the cold out, 
 drink is a sort of overcoat for a time ; we re 
 member some happy days in the past : we had 
 a home once, the drink makes us not care for 
 them now ; we remember a woman s pleading 
 face, mother or wife ; oh, the drink drowns out 
 that sweet face too ! We forget, we don t care ; 
 then comes the memory of a little child we 
 once held in our arms, our little child, and it 
 laughed as we held it. Oh ! the drink drowns 
 out all recollection of the day we held it and it 
 died in our arms; and the drink is a good 
 thing, it makes us forget, ancl it takes us out of 
 life ; and if we were good workmen once, the 
 drink makes us glad we re out of it, out of work, 
 
With the Dwight Hall Heelers. 8 
 
 o 
 
 out of everything, out of life. And so may we 
 not just as well die ? Let us not care for those 
 who are near to us, let us drink, get more 
 drink, more drink, and so out of life and 
 into the night of nights. . . . The hobos 
 hung on his words as if they were golden 
 ducats ; I never saw anything like it, so inex 
 pressibly mournful, so hopeless, so tearless ; 
 then an expression of joy and peace leapt into 
 his fine intellectual face. * But no ! I say, 
 I can t die yet ! I don t want to die ! I want 
 life, but the right kind. I want happiness a 
 home. All I had once, everything. as it was 
 I want life, as it was, as it was ! 
 
 " How can this be done ? Then of course, 
 he gave em religion, hot and strong, and the 
 pledge on top of it." 
 
 " Little Jack " persuaded a number of fellows 
 to go down to. the mission the Sunday follow 
 ing, and hear Averill. 
 
 " Now, if he doesn t persuade you chaps to 
 sign the pledge in fifteen minutes, I m a liar. 
 said " Little Jack." 
 
 Aldrich said : " Well, I hope we may get our 
 money s worth. I m giving up a half-promised 
 
84 Yale Yarns. 
 
 call on some easy people, who are always at 
 home Sunday afternoon." 
 
 " Yes, I hope it s all you and * Boots say it 
 is," yawned Keith, as he rose to put on his 
 overcoat. " But I Ve never been in a regular 
 bum mission, it must be rather amusing 
 to see some of the old tramps on the anxious 
 seat ! " 
 
 " Any pretty girls go down there ? " asked 
 Aldrich, as they sauntered across the Campus 
 toward Chapel Street. 
 
 " No," said Paige " It is n t a suitable place 
 for the queens ; it s run entirely by Dwight 
 Hall heelers." 
 
 " I don t see what we are going down there 
 for," laughed Keith. 
 
 " I assure you, AverilTs talk to those fellows 
 is wonderful ! " said " Little Jack " earnestly. 
 " You wait, and decide for yourselves." 
 
 " I m afraid it s one of your jokes, Jack. " 
 
 And they went on down the street. 
 
 The mission was pretty well crowded by the 
 time the party got there. The day was damp 
 and chilly, and an unpleasantly odorous steam 
 aros.e from several old " bums " who had seated 
 themselves close to the hot stove. A number 
 
With the Dwight Hall Heelers. 85 
 
 of students were engaged in teaching some of 
 the younger hoodlums, and Averill himself was 
 seated in the centre of a class of tough-looking, 
 ill-kempt women. The party entered and took 
 seats at the rear of the hall, and presently 
 Averill stepped up on the platform and gave 
 out a hymn, reading a verse : 
 
 " If through oft troubled seas 
 Toward Heaven we calmly sail, 
 Blest be the tempest, kind the storm, 
 That drives us nearer home." 
 
 He seemed paler and more wretched than 
 usual that day, as if some unusual tale of woe 
 and sorrow had been confided to him, more 
 than he could bear. It was evident that the 
 poor deluded tramps and worthies who tried, 
 with quavering voices, to sing the hymn, 
 looked up to Averill as they did to no other 
 teacher in the mission. They pressed about 
 him for his sympathy, and his simple words 
 which came so direct from his heart. 
 
 As the hymn closed, and the music of the 
 melodeon died away, a scuffling noise was 
 heard at the door, and loud shouts, as of boys 
 in the street, accompanied by oaths and execra- 
 
86 Yale Yarns. 
 
 tions, preceded the inrush of a collarless and 
 hatless old tramp, evidently far gone with 
 liquor. He wore an overcoat, dirty and cov 
 ered with mud, as if he had been rolled over 
 and over in the street, and had a cut over one 
 eye which bled, and disfigured what might 
 have been, under other circumstances, a fine, 
 intellectual face. He burst into the hall and 
 advanced, like some ugly wild animal, half way 
 down the aisle toward the platform, where he 
 paused and looked crazily around, and steadied 
 himself against the back of a seat. 
 
 " Where s my son ? my son, they told me 
 he was here?" 
 
 He rolled his bleary eyes around the room, 
 and his unshaven, grizzly, bloody face took on 
 an expression of almost diabolical hate. 
 
 " Where s my good son ? (hie) my pet 
 boy my dawlin s-son, who they say is such 
 a wond ful scholar ? . . . I want him to 
 c-come with me." 
 
 The stillness in the little hall was the stillness 
 of death. Would any one respond to such a 
 call? " Put him out!" cried a number of 
 toughs near him, and rising ready to do so, if 
 Mr. Averill should give the command. 
 
With the Dwight Hall Heelers. 87 
 
 " Shell we bounce him, sir?" called out a 
 seedy old bum, with a bob and curtsey toward 
 Averill, who stood mutely staring at the in 
 truder, as if in a trance. " Shell we do im up, 
 as he d oughter be did up fer a tryin fer ter 
 bust de meetin* ? " 
 
 " Say," said another bloated old derelict, 
 who had floated without sail or rudder on life s 
 tempestuous sea for many a long year. " Say, 
 boss, le me trow im out de winder, an chuck 
 im inter de nex street. . . . E ain t no 
 Christian, no e ain t. E ain t no Christian, 
 such as us ! " 
 
 " Bounce de kite ! " screamed a sodden-look 
 ing woman, with long, bedraggled hair. " E *s 
 ready fer a scrap, e is. . . . E ain t no 
 Christian ! E orter be fired, so e ort ! " 
 
 " Jump on de bloke wid yer two feet," bawled 
 another tramp. " An trod im down ! E ain t 
 no Christian, like as us ! E don t git no 
 carfy ere! " 
 
 Suddenly, Averill straightened himself up, 
 then to the astonishment and consternation of 
 all in the room, stretched out his hands. 
 
 " Father ! Oh, my poor fatlicr ! " he cried, 
 in agony, and his head sunk in his hands. 
 
88 Yale Yarns. 
 
 Aldrich, Paige, and " Little Jack " were on 
 their feet with excitement. They saw Averill 
 go to meet the intruder ; they saw the latter 
 draw back as if to strike him ; then they saw 
 the drunken man reel and fall in a fit on the 
 floor, his son bending over him. 
 
 Averill looked up with an expression of ex 
 treme humility. 
 
 " Friends/ he said, with an unsteady voice, 
 " this poor man is my own father, once a kind 
 heart, a good man, once a student where I am 
 now a student. . . . See what drink has 
 brought to him and to me ! It has caused the 
 death of my mother through sorrow ; it has 
 driven his friends from him he has sunk down, 
 down to utter ruin. My poor father ! My own 
 father who used to carry me in his arms ! " 
 
 The words were simple, spoken from the 
 heart. To those who knew Averill they were 
 profoundly touching. The cynical Aldrich was 
 the first to go forward and help carry the life 
 less body into an adjoining room, and " Little 
 Jack " hurried out after a doctor. Other stu 
 dents kept the meeting in order and endeav 
 ored to utilize the episode for the benefit of the 
 other poor victims of rum in the room. 
 
With the Dwight Hall Heelers. 89 
 
 Averill knelt over his father s body, chafing 
 his hands and loosening his overcoat. It was 
 seen that beneath it he wore only a begrimed 
 red flannel shirt. They asked the son no ques 
 tions after his father, they only pressed his 
 hand in sympathy. 
 
 " Little Jack " soon returned with a doctor, 
 who, as soon as he had restored the drunkard 
 to consciousness, rang for an ambulance and 
 had him taken to the hospital. 
 
 " It s a bad case of alcoholism," said the 
 doctor, as the ambulance drove rapidly away. 
 But with rest and quiet he may recover. You 
 seem to take a special interest in this case, Mr. 
 Averill?" 
 
 "Oh, we all do," put in Little Jack," 
 quickly. " I will gladly do all I can to get the 
 poor man on his feet again." 
 
 " These fellows are hard to cure," said the 
 doctor. " Temptation stands beckoning to 
 them at every street corner." 
 
 Poor Averill sighed and looked down. " I 
 think I will walk over to the hospital, fellows," 
 he said, quietly. " He will be glad to have me 
 near him, perhaps " 
 
 " If such a man could be kept in an asylum 
 
90 Yale Yarns. 
 
 for a few years or, better, sent on a long sea 
 voyage " 
 
 " A sea voyage ! Why, that s dead easy 
 fruit ; I 11 write to my father," huskily said 
 " Boots " Paige, who had been very silent. 
 
 Averill looked up quickly at the emphasis he 
 put on the " my." He caught the friendliness 
 of it and the tears sprang into his eyes. 
 
 " God knows how kind " Then he 
 
 turned away, quickly, and in a moment Averill 
 had gone up the street with " Little Jack." 
 
 " Now, then," said Aldrich, cum anctoritate. 
 " Not a word about all this in college." The 
 other students, four Dwight Hall heelers, had 
 come out, after locking the door of the meeting 
 house. " Paige and I will manage to get Ave- 
 rill s father out of town when he gets out of the 
 hospital, and we 11 make it a point to get him 
 on a vessel. I knew a drunkard once who was 
 cured by a sea voyage. Poor old Bob Averill 
 he s a trump, I I think I would have been 
 coward enough to disown the old man " 
 
 " So would I ! " said Paige. " Think how 
 Averill must have suffered ! " 
 
 " For two weeks," spoke up one of the mis 
 sion teachers, not a student, " the old drunkard 
 
With the D wight PI all Heelers. 9 1 
 
 has been here in town, begging and threatening 
 his son. He has given his father, from time to 
 time, money which was spent in rum. Poor 
 Averill ! His father threatened to make a 
 scene on the Campus, he was up there drunk 
 one day, but Robert did not know of it, he 
 did not then proclaim his relationship, for 
 AveruTs sake this had better be kept a secret." 
 
 The mission work of the " crowd " was so 
 unaffectedly and tactfully done that Averill 
 could not refuse it. Not a word was known of 
 the old reprobate in College, and when Averill, 
 " Boots " Paige, and " Little Jack," accompa 
 nied by a neatly-dressed, middle-aged invalid, 
 went to New York two weeks later, not a soul 
 was aware of their visit. They got old Averill 
 on a sailing vessel bound for Japan, the captain 
 of which was a sturdy teetotaler. 
 
 " Why, let him stay by the ship fer two years 
 an not taste it, an he s sure to come out a free 
 man ! " he said heartily. " An I mean to keep 
 him at work too. No loafin on my ship, not 
 for no man ! He shall do a lot of figgerin an 
 a leetel haulin , too, yes, sir ! " 
 
 Bob Averill s father was willing to go, and 
 make a last effort to reform. They parted 
 
92 Yale Yarns. 
 
 with affection, and young Averill went back to 
 College much cheered in mind. 
 
 His chum, good Deacon Demarest, received 
 him with a smile and a hearty slap on the back. 
 
 " I ve got the scholarship, Bob ! an my 
 mind s at rest. I was a brute to you, old boy, 
 all those weeks of cramming, forgive me, will 
 you ? " 
 
 Averill shook his hand heartily, his pure, 
 sensitive face illumined with intense happiness. 
 If any man s soul shone through his eyes, 
 Averill s did. He had passed through the val 
 ley of the shadow, and come out safely on the 
 other side. 
 
 " And now, I m all through with worry and 
 trouble tell me yours." The Deacon s earnest 
 face grew serious, and his voice dropped. 
 " I am the closest friend you have, Bob. Tell 
 me your secret ? " 
 
 Averill thought a moment, then hesitated. 
 Then his face broke into a radiant smile. " I 
 have n t any secret now to tell, Deacon ! " 
 
 Then they both stood a moment looking out 
 of that old South Middle window, on the Cam 
 pus, and down upon the throngs of students 
 passing to and fro, upon one of the queer old 
 
With the Dwight Hall Heelers. 93 
 
 sweeps laden with broom and dust-pan, upon 
 the picture of noisy, busy, student life, and 
 the Deacon, catching sight of Paige, " Little 
 Jack " Homer, Aldrich, and a few of the 
 " crowd," who were amusing themselves with 
 snowballing each other, laughing and shouting, 
 said sadly : 
 
 " I pity those easy-going fellows who are 
 always in such high spirits, and who never 
 think of the suffering which goes on about 
 them ; who never, even by accident, do any 
 good to any one." 
 
 Averill interrupted quickly. " I don t think 
 we do those fellows justice," he said. " Please 
 don t say anything against them. I think I 
 know them better than you." 
 
THE " DWARF S" PROM. 
 
 " BOOTS " PAIGE, " Tad " Nelson, * Great " 
 Barrington, and " Laze " Aldrich were feeling 
 fine as fiddles one Sunday afternoon in January. 
 They had just finished lunch at the Club, which 
 consisted largely of a " cold hot and hot lob," 
 and Boots had drawn out of his case four 
 large, long, and strong Invincibies and presented 
 them, and they were enjoying their coffee and 
 smoke, cum dignitate, and talking about the 
 Prom, which was to come off the week fol 
 lowing. 
 
 The general idea was, if possible, to get 
 " Dwarf " Sprague into his evening suit, and 
 to attend the Prom., and furthermore, if possi 
 ble, get him spooney on some " queen," and 
 have some fun out of him at the ball. There 
 was a bottle for the successful persuader of 
 Sprague. 
 
 While they were talking about him, as was 
 the case with the devil, he entered the room, 
 and sat down near them. 
 94 
 
The "Dwarf s" From. % 95 
 
 Dwarf Sprague, sometimes called " The 
 Honest," confessed that he had once been par 
 tially taught to dance by a certain cousin, and 
 that after an exhaustive effort one evening, she 
 had asked him if he imagined he was carrying 
 a foot-ball through a Princeton rush line, or 
 kicking a goal, or what ? His prancing step, 
 she intimated, was perhaps better adapted to 
 the " gridiron " than the drawing-room floor. 
 " There is less of a crash, in falling," she said. 
 Dwarf admitted that he believed his cousin 
 guilty of a pun. 
 
 "Since then," he added, "I have never 
 danced. I Ve sat out and yawned grave 
 yards * and looked grouchy." 
 
 " Boots " Paige chronicled a passage in 
 Sprague s life at his father s cottage at Bar 
 Harbor the preceding summer. 
 
 "There was a musical or something," said 
 he ; " say thirty people. Dwarf was all in his 
 glory that evening. I saw him stupidly stand 
 ing in front of a girl a long time, and his index 
 finger behind his back, beckoning to me for 
 help. It was pathetic, but we none of us went 
 near him. He could n t tear himself away from 
 that girl. He kept up his signals, and he hardly 
 
96 Yale Yarns. 
 
 spoke a word to the girl but yes and * no/ 
 Finally my sister took pity and went to his re 
 lief. The goat said, in his agitation, Thank 
 you so much ! and the girl cut him dead the 
 rest of the evening." 
 
 The rest laughed. 
 
 " That s right," acknowledged Sprague. "She 
 asked me about boating/ and I had n t a word 
 to say." 
 
 " Of course not. Oh, inexperienced member 
 of two winning crews 
 
 " Ah, but she asked me if I would n t see er 
 that the crews wore coats in future when in 
 a race." 
 
 "That s a different matter." 
 
 " It gave me a blue funk," said Sprague, un 
 easily. " I felt like sinking through the floor, 
 you know." 
 
 Tad Nelson said his two sisters were coming 
 on and going to make a plunge at the Prom., 
 and he would coach them not to speak of ath 
 letics. "You d like my sister Kate, Dwarf." 
 
 " Would I ? " asked Sprague, vaguely. 
 
 " She s not pretty, but she s nice." 
 
 " Oh," said Sprague, " I m glad she s nice. 
 Sorry I m not going to be on hand." 
 
The "Dwarfs " Prom. 97 
 
 "Why not?" 
 
 " Oh, too busy." 
 
 "See here, Dwarf, Kate has asked particu 
 larly to meet you. She saw your picture in a 
 New York paper last year. Now, old man, I 
 don t want to disappoint her. I said you would 
 be at the Prom., and when I promise poor little 
 Kate anything it s got to go, see ? She was ill 
 nearly all last winter, and she was made ill by 
 rescuing a child from drowning on the ice I 
 should say a break in the ice on the river at 
 Yonkers. She is n t at all pretty, and she s 
 small ; and she won t make you talk, and I 11 
 coach her about boating; and really, old man, 
 I don t want to disappoint her, you know." 
 
 Dwarf Sprague moved uneasily in his chair 
 and swallowed his coffee. 
 
 "Tell me about that affair," said he. "She 
 pulled a child out of the water, did she? How 
 big a child ? " 
 
 This was not what the Dwarf probably meant 
 to ask, but he was interested. That was some 
 thing, and Tad Nelson followed up his ad 
 vantage. 
 
 " Oh, a little boy, I believe a little fool of a 
 boy. She was skating, and there were plenty 
 
98 Yale Yarns. 
 
 of men about, they said, but she was the only 
 one who dared go on the cracking ice ; and she 
 held the child s head out of water, and got into 
 the water herself and got chilled, and then they 
 got planks and brought them both ashore. We 
 all thought it awfully brave of her a mere lit 
 tle girl, you know but she herself, she made 
 light of it." 
 
 Sprague did n t say anything. Boots Paige 
 winked at Tad. The latter winked back. The 
 Dwarf rose after a minute or two and went into 
 another room, ostensibly to read what Harper s 
 Weekly s bland young man had to say that 
 week about college athletics. Presently he 
 wandered back and took Nelson aside. 
 
 " I say, Tad, she held the child s head up, 
 did she, and those damned, pusillanimous, con 
 temptible cads, I suppose, they just watched 
 her, eh? just watched her? Stood on the 
 bank, I dare say got into a damned safe 
 place, I dare say, eh? and watched a girl 
 a little girl, too watched her save the kid s 
 life ! " He was red with rage. 
 
 Sprague, who had probably saved a dozen or 
 so, first and last, from drowning, at various 
 times and places, he was a noted swimmer, 
 
The "Dwarf s " Prow. 99 
 
 seemed to feel the ignominiousness of the be 
 havior of his fellow-men very keenly. 
 
 " And she wants you to dance with her at 
 the Prom.," said Nelson. 
 
 " Tad ! I can t dance ; but, I say, I I don t 
 want to disappoint that little girl. Not pretty, 
 small, and nice, you said. Can she hold her 
 tongue, Tad ? Can she keep her head up, and 
 sit up well, and wait for orders, I mean, of 
 course, ha ha you know. And she s been 
 ill ! I say, it s a damned outrage that any 
 dastardly man could let her do what he 
 did!" 
 
 " I want her to have a good time, and as 
 she s set her heart on seeing you there " 
 
 " I suppose seeing me somewhere else say 
 at your room would n t do ? Give a tea, old 
 man. How would that do? " 
 
 "No. That won t do. You Ve got to do 
 this thing for my sake, Dwarf. She will tell 
 you herself " 
 
 " I was n t going." 
 
 " But you will, now ? " asked Tad, earnestly. 
 
 Dwarf hesitated a moment. " Well, yes, 
 just for your sake, Tad ; and hers. I I like 
 to think of that little girl." 
 
ioo Yale Yarns. 
 
 Tad Nelson went back to his friends with a 
 broad grin and Sprague left the club. 
 
 "That was clever of you, Tad," drawled 
 Lazy Aldrich, puffing out a cloud of smoke. 
 "What the deuce will you do when he dis 
 covers the ruse ? and offers to thrash you for 
 lying?" 
 
 " Well, my sisters are coming on," laughed 
 Tad. 
 
 " Coach one of them to tell the same tale 
 about the life-saving act 
 
 " Better say nothing," said Boots. " It will 
 confuse Dwarf more. More fun for us, see. 
 It will be immense to see him perform 
 
 " He might bolt. But, fellows, I think as I 
 made him promise to be on hand, the cold 
 * bot is on you." 
 
 And it was Sunday afternoon too ! ! 
 
 I will not attempt to describe " Prom." week 
 at New Haven. I will not describe the class 
 germans, the receptions, the jolly little suppers 
 in jolly little college rooms ; I will not even 
 make a "bluff," as they say, at the ball itself. 
 " It s a great week for the girls ! " as Barney, 
 the hackman, has often said, and they flock into 
 town with their pretty fluffy wings, and their 
 
The Dwarf s ?) P^om. 1 6 1 
 
 amusing little " Oh, how I wish I were a 
 man ! " And they look down from the chapel 
 gallery, and they are found in the library, and 
 they are seen on the crosswalks, and they ex 
 plore the " gym.," and they have such a good 
 time, and they never are tired, and they perch 
 on your window seat, and they try on your box 
 ing-gloves, and they try your foils, and they 
 turn their backs on your photographs of ballet 
 dancers, and they ask when you study, and 
 they say they " know " Latin, and they talk of 
 new books, and they so admire Trilby, and they 
 ask is n t Gibson in Life just splendid ! And 
 tlien they sigh and say again, " Heigho ! I wish 
 I were a man ! " 
 
 And from the looks of things at the end of 
 this remarkable century they will soon get 
 their wish ! 
 
 Perhaps the sedate Smith, known as a 
 " greasy grind," has no such pleasant experi 
 ence of Prom. week. His mother and sister 
 may visit him. If so, they don t "visit" the 
 Prom. Life to them is too earnest, serious, 
 and hard for gaiety, for dances, for fun. Plain 
 Elizabeth Smith, with sad eyes, wanders about 
 the yard with her grouchy brother, and they 
 
: ti ^Ytile Yarns. 
 
 discuss poor Uncle Henry s lunacy, or Cousin 
 Emma s foolish marriage, or sister Charlotte s 
 high stand at Mt. Holyoke, and the prospect of 
 poor Smith s getting something to do just as 
 soon as he graduates. Not very jolly, but dead 
 earnest ! which is much better! 
 
 Prom, week came that year with a furious 
 blizzard-like storm, but the pretty queens 
 braved it, pneumonia, grip, and all, and ap 
 peared in such array and with such a fusillade 
 of eyes at the ball itself, that the students 
 yielded at once, without a second fire. 
 
 Ah me, they have " yielded " this way for 
 twenty years ! 
 
 Tad Nelson arrived a little late with his 
 mother and sisters. The floor was swinging 
 under Lander s conception of a Walteufel 
 waltz, which was to be followed by a Sousa 
 two-step. How perfectly glorious it was ! The 
 blood tingled in one s veins at the sound. 
 Even Sprague, fired by the music, nervously 
 pranced and charged back and forth near the 
 entrance, waiting for the ladies to arrive. How 
 much he would have given then to have learned 
 in Freshman year the " light fantastic." Some 
 body s words to Cromwell kept hurrying through 
 
The "Dwarf s" Prom. 103 
 
 his mind. " Ah, Dwarf, hadst thou but learned 
 to dance in Freshman year, as well as thou 
 hast to row, the girls and their cards would 
 not have deserted thee at this, thy hour of 
 trial!" In his agitation, expectancy, and re 
 gret, he struck his two huge hands together, 
 and his lavender gloves split across the palms 
 and on the back from little finger to thumb, 
 and just then, lo! Tad and the ladies ap 
 peared ! 
 
 Of course, there was nothing to do but to 
 thrust his hands behind his back, under the 
 tails of his coat, and keep them there ! 
 
 Coming down in the carriage, Tad had said, 
 casually : " Oh, by the by, Capt. Sprague, of 
 the crew awfully good, honest fellow remem 
 ber, girls, be sweet to him. He s one of my 
 best friends. There is one thing I want to 
 impress upon you, if he offers to shake hands 
 dont! He will forget and crush your rings 
 into your fingers he has a terrible grip 
 strongest man in College, you know. Then, 
 whatever he says, dont deny it. Let him have 
 his say out." 
 
 " Well, he must be a sort of Sandow," said 
 Kate. " I don t think I shall like him " 
 
IO4 Yale Yarns. 
 
 " A most remarkable sort of a young man, 
 indeed ! " exclaimed his mother. 
 
 " Just let him say what he pleases. Possibly, 
 Kate, he ll give you some sort of a bluff about 
 your being known to him by repute he 11 pre 
 tend to have read about you in the papers, to 
 have heard you Ve done some brave act, or 
 have taken a prize at school or something! 
 Don t dispute him ; it s his little joke agree 
 with him, or or he may insist on shaking 
 hands. . . . Ah, here we are ! " 
 
 " I m sure I shall be frightened to death at 
 him ! " said Nell, a tall, pretty blonde. 
 
 " And I I hope I can avoid him but I see 
 his name down on my card oh, Tad ! six 
 seven times ! " exclaimed Kate, a tall, pretty 
 brunette. 
 
 " Many a girl is eating her heart out to-night, 
 just to have a look at him ! Captain of the 
 Varsity crew think of it ! " and Tad Nelson 
 prayed for forgiveness beneath his thin but 
 growing moustache. As he got out and opened 
 the carriage door at the entrance to the Armory, 
 he said again, " Mind, now don t shake his 
 hand." 
 
 " I think we d better shake him, from what 
 
The "Dwarfs " Prom. 105 
 
 you say," laughed Kate, merrily, getting out. 
 " Tho , dear Tad, I would n t hurt your feelings 
 for the world ! " 
 
 Almost the first man they saw on the way to 
 the dressing-room was the Dwarf, hurrying to 
 and fro, like a mad animal in his cage, his 
 hands hid behind his back. Tad presented 
 him he did not offer to shake, and he seemed 
 to look from Kate to Nell, and back again to 
 Kate, as if trying to see in one of them that 
 " plain, nice little girl " Tad had told him 
 about, " who had saved the life of that little 
 fool of a boy." Both were tall, healthy-looking 
 young girls, and were dressed in most becom 
 ing gowns, with enormous fluffy shoulders. 
 Sprague, greatly embarrassed, not knowing 
 anything better to do, at last offered his arm 
 to Kate, who had thrown back her opera cloak, 
 and bolted with her just as she was onto the 
 ballroom floor. 
 
 Mrs. Nelson put up her lorgnette in astonish 
 ment. Tad was convulsed with laughter. 
 
 " What sort of a man can he be ? " she 
 gasped. " Really, Tad ! " 
 
 " Oh, it s only his way, mamma. He has 
 such a taking way, you see ! " 
 
io6 Yale Yarns. 
 
 " But, pray, what will he do with her ? " 
 
 " I have not the slightest idea ! " 
 
 " Mamma, he was dreadfully embarrassed, 
 that was all," said Nelly. " To my mind, it 
 all looks very disagreeably like one of Tad s 
 infamous practical jokes." 
 
 They hurried to the dressing-room and dis 
 posed of their wraps. When they came down, 
 Tad presented Mr. Paige, and Mr. Aldrich, and 
 Mr. Horner, and Mr. Barrington, and Mr. Ray 
 mond, and Mr. Gardiner, a number of his 
 distinguished classmates, whose names were 
 already inscribed on his sister s dance-cards. 
 They entered the floor to the time of one of 
 Sousa s spirited two-steps. Nellie was speedily 
 wafted away in the respectful arms of Boots 
 Paige. They looked anxiously and in vain for 
 Kate, and Tad was dispatched to find her. 
 
 The " push " was very great, and the 
 " queens " were out, of course, in most daz 
 zling and overwhelming numbers. Tad Nelson 
 edged his way around to the left of the vast 
 ballroom of bunting and evergreen and flowers, 
 bowing to this one, dropping one of his very 
 original compliments in the ear of a blue-eyed 
 beauty : 
 
The "Dwarf s " Prom. 107 
 
 " How well you are looking this evening, 
 Miss Mary ! " 
 
 Soon as he came upon Dixwell and Whately, 
 two members of the floor committee, who 
 seemed to be laughing over some little private 
 joke of their own, he asked anxiously : . 
 
 " Have you seen Sprague and my sister?" 
 
 "Was it your sister?" 
 
 " Why, what 
 
 " Oh, nothing Dwarf tried to dance the end 
 of the waltz, and slipped and fell down, that s 
 all ; think he tore a hole in your sister s dress, 
 and she s over there in the corner forgiving 
 him, I suppose ; at least, he s on his knees, 
 and we ve had a lot of fun already out of 
 him ! " 
 
 Tad looked. Dwarf certainly was on his 
 knees over the torn lace on Kate s skirt. He 
 caught Kate s imploring glance and hastened 
 to her. 
 
 " Well ! " he exclaimed. 
 
 " Come here ! " cried Kate, half in anger, half 
 laughing, and he leaned down his head. " Do 
 take this crazy Mr. Sprague out somewhere, 
 and let him cool down a little in the snow, 
 and return to a glimmering of reason. Do you 
 
io8 Yale Yarns. 
 
 know what he says ? He s been thinking 
 about me for six whole days, and that he 
 knows all about my rescuing some bad little 
 boy at Yonkers, and he wishes he d been 
 there, and that if / am plain, I m nice, and 
 the kiad of girl he likes, and that he has been 
 thinking and thinking and thinking about me ! " 
 
 Tad looked at Sprague, who had risen now, 
 his hair dishevelled, his lavender gloves in ruin, 
 his face bathed in perspiration, and his heart 
 misgave him. Poor, dear old Dwarf ! 
 
 " I think, Mr. Sprague," said Kate, laughing, 
 much relieved to take the arm of her brother, 
 that you have quite mistaken the person you 
 were talking to." 
 
 " Is n t this Kate, your nice little sister, 
 Tad ? Great heavens ! Have I made a mis 
 take ? " 
 
 " This is my cousin, Dwarf. My sister could 
 not come. If you had not been so precipitate, 
 Dwarf, you might have er er known it 
 yourself ! " 
 
 Then Sprague in the handsomest manner, 
 showing what a thorough gentleman, what a 
 noble-hearted, clumsy, ignorant old fellow he 
 was, said : 
 
The "Dwarfs" Prom. 109 
 
 " I ask your pardon, Miss Nelson. I am very 
 sorry, I apologize for saying what I did. You 
 are not at all plain, Miss Nelson ; you are not 
 even little. I should have known, but I m 
 so fond of Tad, that I promised to come to 
 the Prom, just to see his nice little sister.. Kate, 
 and to try and make his nice little sister 
 have the best time I could. I am mortally 
 sorry " 
 
 He looked so big, so true, so handsome, with 
 that fine waterman s bronze of his, which even 
 the thaws and freezings of January cannot 
 quite wear off, that Kate, eyeing him a mo 
 ment, said disappointedly, with a slight quiver 
 ing of the lip : 
 
 " Indeed, Mr. Sprague, but I am that nice 
 little sister Kate ! " 
 
 Dwarf looked blankly at Tad. The latter 
 tried to laugh, failed, dropped Kate s hand 
 from his arm. 
 
 " Was there ever believing any girl ! " he 
 cried, pretending great irritation, and marched 
 off, leaving them together again. 
 
 " But you are not plain, really ! " insisted 
 Sprague, earnestly. "You, you are really the 
 prettiest girl at the Prom. ! " 
 
1 10 Yale Yarns. 
 
 " I believe you ! " she laughed, convulsed. 
 
 " And are you really Tad s sister or his 
 cousin ? " 
 
 " His sister Yes." She gazed at him with 
 truthful gray eyes. 
 
 " And you never saved the little kid through 
 the ice ? " 
 
 " No ; that s a myth." 
 
 " A horse ? One of Tad s stories ? " 
 
 " Yes." (Laughter, and a long pause.) 
 
 " I I think I like you, er just the same, 
 as before just as if you had saved that little 
 chap." 
 
 "Why?" 
 
 " Because, er um I never met a girl be 
 fore, er who broke the ice so so easily for 
 a fellow, it s really no work to talk to you, 
 really ! " 
 
 " Oh, Mr. Sprague ! You are such a flat 
 terer ! It was you who broke the ice ! " 
 
 " Oh, but I mean it. Before most girls I, I 
 am dumb." 
 
 " But you are wofully inconstant. You d 
 got your mind made up evidently to a dumpy 
 little plain girl, and and look up at me ! " 
 
 " By Jove ! you would n t have me constant 
 
The "Dwarf s " Prom. 1 1 1 
 
 to a fake girl, would you ? There is no nice 
 little plain sister, ergo, you will have to 
 do!" 
 
 " And be number two ? " 
 
 " No, number one." 
 
 " But, I m sure I cannot hope to fill that 
 nice, dumpy little creature s place. Describe 
 her, Mr. Sprague ? Did she waddle as she 
 walked, a sort of a duck of a girl ? Tell me 
 the girl you were ever thinking thinking 
 thinking of ! " Then she burst out again into 
 almost a shriek of laughter. 
 
 He gave her his arm, and they strolled across 
 the floor, in animated half-confidential conversa 
 tion now. Boots Paige and Aldrich looked at 
 him in perfect amazement. He d never been 
 known to say three words to a girl before in his 
 life. Kate pulled him through a lancers, and 
 then danced a waltz with Paige. 
 
 " Oh, he s one of the dearest, most unsel 
 fish fellows in the world," said Paige in her ear 
 as they whirled to the Strauss waltz ; " and 
 were it only not for the fact 
 
 " What, Mr. Paige ? " 
 
 " I really hate to say captain of the crew 
 too " 
 
1 1 2 Yale Yarns 
 
 " Is it anything dreadful, Mr. Paige ?" 
 (Solemnly.) " Well, he has a wooden leg." 
 " Poor man ; that s why he fell with me ! " 
 " He lost it honorably, for him." 
 " How ? Do tell me, Mr. Paige ! " 
 Lander s band in the gallery came out with 
 a blare of trumpets the music was fine ! he 
 shouted : 
 
 " In a saw-mill " 
 
 " Oh, how shocking ! " 
 
 " He fell asleep on a log, he has a way of 
 sleeping just like a log, and the polite pro 
 prietor of the saw-mill did not like to disturb 
 him ; and when he saw he d cut off one leg, 
 he said : there s no use taking two bites of 
 this cherry, why not cut off both at once ? 
 
 Kate pretended to look horrified, but as she 
 was waltzing, no one thought otherwise than 
 that Paige might have trod, by accident, on 
 her slipper. 
 
 " But the funny thing of it was, he s some 
 thing of an oarsman and Harvard protested the 
 wooden leg as extra machinery and he had to 
 tow it behind the whole four miles." 
 " Mr. Paige ! " 
 "Yes." 
 
The Dwarfs " Prom. 1 1 3 
 
 " Do you think I believe all that ? Do you 
 wish to make me like Mr. Sprague? Let me 
 tell you there is nothing so fascinating to me as 
 his sincerity." 
 
 They stopped dancing and she pointed to two 
 harp-like set pieces" at the end of the gal 
 lery : 
 
 "Are those emblems of the Junior Class?" 
 she asked demurely. 
 
 "They look like harps," said Paige. " They 
 seem rather faded " 
 
 " They look to me like " 
 
 "Say it oh, say it. I suppose you mean 
 * blasted lyres ! " 
 
 Paige turned Miss Kate over to Aldrich for 
 a two-step, without another word. 
 
 " Don t you think Mr. Sprague jolly? " Aid- 
 rich asked as they danced, still working the 
 joke which had been passed along. 
 
 " Well, I would hardly say jolly. Earnest is 
 better. And I like him he s sincere." 
 
 " Such a pity he inherits his father s fatal 
 disease." 
 
 " Oh, does he ? He looks so strong " 
 
 " They say he 11 die of it." 
 
 " Indeed ! " 
 
ii4 Yale Yarns. 
 
 " His father was the first gentleman to be 
 hanged in Montana ; quite an honor, was n t 
 it?" 
 
 " I should say." 
 
 " He 11 be hanged as his father was really 
 now on the level 
 
 " And be skied, afterwards, because he seems 
 really good ! " 
 
 "That s right! He is good. Ah there, 
 Barrington ? You want the * last half. You 
 can t have it Barry, can he, Miss Nelson ? " 
 
 " N yes, if he wants it. I want to hear a 
 new little fiction about the only honest and 
 truthful man in your class." 
 
 They had stopped dancing. 
 
 "Am I so untruthful? " asked Paige, looking 
 admiration in his eyes. 
 
 "You are Ananias s third cousin, at least" 
 she laughed. 
 
 Barrington, with a heavy basso prof undo 
 voice, asked Miss Kate, as they commenced to 
 dance : 
 
 " You are a Vassar Grad. ? " 
 
 "No." 
 
 " Why, then, where did you learn wrestling ? " 
 He looked surprised. 
 
The "Dwarf s" Prom. 115 
 
 " Majmma " she hesitated. She enjoyed 
 the fun. 
 
 " Saw you take a very pretty fall er out of 
 the strongest man we have here," said Barry, 
 seriously. 
 
 " Mr. Sprague ? " 
 
 " Yes, saw you drop him very neatly." 
 
 " I d like the credit of it, of course, for I be 
 lieve in athletics, but the fact was 
 
 " I know er he *d been drinking, I suppose, 
 quite jagged ! Ah, I know it. Poor Sprague ! 
 I suppose the excitement of the Prom., and all. 
 Odd that a man of his magnificent strength 
 shows such a miserable weakness." 
 
 " That might account for him a little 
 
 " How so?" 
 
 " In vino reritas. He was very truthful, Mr. 
 Barrington, and I like truthful people." 
 
 " Yes, he was not himself ! " 
 
 " He did not try to deceive me." 
 
 " No. You are too old a hand " 
 
 " Mr. Barrington ! ! " 
 
 They almost stopped dancing. But they re 
 sumed as he said : 
 
 " I mean you recognized from long and 
 ardent mission work among the slums you 
 
1 1 6 Yale Yarns. 
 
 knew er a harmless inebriate when you saw 
 him." 
 
 " Mr. Sprague is in training he can t, he 
 must n t drink " 
 
 " Save on the sly." 
 
 " How unkind you are to him ! " 
 
 " When sober, he s the dearest fellow in the 
 world. Ah me, it s a pity he will imbibe the 
 rosy ! " 
 
 " You positively slander him ! " She drew 
 herself up, indignantly. 
 
 " Oh, ask him, that s all we 11 ask him to 
 drink a glass of champagne. Here he is ! " 
 
 " They stopped dancing. The Dwarf was 
 hovering near at hand, watching them. 
 
 " Mr. Sprague, will you come with us? " she 
 asked. 
 
 " Where ? " he replied, vaguely. 
 
 " And have some wine, old man ? " said Bar- 
 rington. 
 
 Sprague gave him a look of indignant scorn. 
 
 " Oh, you can have gin, of course," laughed 
 Barrington ; " some people prefer it but " 
 
 " I m so thirsty," exclaimed Kate. " Come, 
 Mr. Sprague." 
 
 They went into the brilliant supper-room, 
 
The "Dwarfs " Prom. 1 1 7 
 
 which happened to be near at hand, and sat 
 down in an obscure corner at a little table. 
 The Juniors were doing the affair in the hand 
 somest possible manner, and the spread was 
 sent up from New York by a fashionable 
 caterer. Harrington ordered a bottle of fizz, 
 and the apoplectic French waiter disappeared 
 and shortly appeared again with a bottle 
 wrapped in a napkin. 
 
 " Three glasses, waiter," said Barrington. 
 
 " Not for me, of course," said the Dwarf. 
 
 The waiter poured out the wine in three 
 glasses. 
 
 Kate Nelson looking perfectly stunning, and 
 a very laughing devil in her eye, held up her 
 glass, sparkling with the champagne. 
 
 " You won t refuse to drink with me, Mr. 
 Sprague ?" 
 
 " Really you see I ve begun training," he 
 said, excusing himself. 
 
 " But the race is six months away, if you 
 won t drink, I shall be mortally offended." 
 
 " Mortally offended ? " he repeated vaguely. 
 
 Poor Sprague ! He looked at the girl, then 
 looked at Barrington, who enjoyed his dilemma; 
 then he looked at the girl again. 
 
1 1 8 Yale Yarns. 
 
 " I m captain this year, Miss Kate, and 
 and the example, really, you know 
 
 " Then if no one sees you, and it s on the 
 sly?" 
 
 " No, by Jove ! (half laughing). Of course 
 F 11 not do on the sly what I won t do openly." 
 Then he rose, flushed, and getting provoked. 
 
 " Gad ! " said Barrington, recounting the inci 
 dent afterward ; " he looked deuced hand 
 some too. 
 
 " * Drink, please just one little swallow ! 
 Her eyes pleaded. She acted as though she 
 really was bound, womanlike, to make him 
 yield, if she could. * One swallow/ she laughed 
 and teased him, does not make a summer ! 
 
 " She stood up too," said Barrington, " and 
 if any girl looked volumes at a fellow, I swear 
 she did at Dwarf Sprague. Her dark eyes 
 seemed to be full of chain lightning. You know 
 what a beauty she is ! 
 
 " Will you not ? they seemed to say. 
 Then choose between Yale and me ! 
 
 " No ! I will not ! his eyes answered, de 
 fiantly. 
 
 " Oh, the Capt. has got quite a grit in his 
 way ! " added Barrington. 
 
The "Dwarf s " Prom. 1 1 9 
 
 ". You care more for Yale than anything in 
 this world, she said. And I quite think 
 you re right. 
 
 " Then I was surprised to see Miss Kitty 
 Nelson laugh and toss her upraised glass of 
 very good Pommery on the floor, and take the 
 Dwarf s arm and walk off with him, at the same 
 time giving me the haughtiest, most supercilious 
 and disdainful glance I ever got from a woman 
 or man, over her shoulder as she went away. 
 She made me feel like a villain ! 
 
 " Well, I was left alone to finish the fizz, 
 and pay for broken glass, and and that pos 
 sibly accounts for my losing my dance-card, 
 and not seeing Miss Kate again during the en 
 tire evening! " 
 
 " I noticed that you had quite a * still on 
 afterwards that evening," said Aldrich, laugh 
 ing, " and yet you looked quite glum too." 
 
 " I think if the Dwarf had not got the start 
 of me I 
 
 " Oho I see ! " said Aldrich, compassion 
 ately. Then Aldrich began to whistle absent 
 mindedly : 
 
 " Oh, my love is a Bowery girl." 
 
I2O Yale Yarns. 
 
 Boots Paige, Barrington, Aldrich, and others 
 congratulated Tad Nelson when they met a few 
 days later. " The Dwarf s governor is ten 
 times a millionaire out in Ohio," they said ; 
 " and, well, he s admittedly one of the few 
 honest men in the class ! " 
 
 " Oh, it could n t suit me better," said Tad, 
 who now complacently played the heavy indul 
 gent father to his sister and her fiancj ; " I 
 planned it all out from the start. I persuaded 
 him to go, you know ; and I got him interested. 
 They are just suited. Just suited." 
 
 " Let s go over and shake the honest old 
 Dwarf s hand off ! " said Aldrich. 
 
 And they tried to, but could n t ! 
 
THE LAST CRUISE OF THE " NANCY 
 BRIG." 
 
 "I m a bose n tight, and a midshipmite, 
 And the crew of the Nancy Brig" 
 
 IT was a mild, sunny April day, one of those 
 mild warm days of early spring, which, such is 
 our eventful climate, give the weatherwise 
 cause to expect " storms with varying winds 
 and rain/ but which only bring to the student- 
 mind visions of June, and recollections of the 
 last summer, and make them, to a man, fool 
 ishly leave off winter underclothing. 
 
 The Campus, this mild April morning, was 
 making an effort in spots to put forth a blade 
 of green grass. Not a green thing visible but 
 Freshmen was no longer to be the order of 
 things that year. The crew of the Nancy de 
 cided that it was just the day to go " down the 
 harbor." 
 
 The Nancy Brig, as the six owners rechrist- 
 121 
 
i 2 2 Yale Yarns. 
 
 ened her from the Swallow, was a cat-boat some 
 twenty-eight feet long and proportionately wide 
 and shallow, with a centre-board that went down 
 into the depths of the sea and dragged up inno 
 cent young oysters from their beds ; a mast 
 which towered into the clouds, and had the 
 class numerals, " Umpty-three," on a white pen 
 nant floating at its head ; a well setting sail, a 
 rakish overhang. The Nancy had been known to 
 give one or two fast sharpies a hard tussel out 
 of New Haven harbor. She had been tied up 
 until within a few days, when " Tad " Nelson, 
 and Paige and Barrington, spent an entire Satur 
 day afternoon and, I grieve to say, part of Sun 
 day putting her into commission for the season. 
 
 They gave her hull a new coat of white paint, 
 and daubed her inside dark blue, out of patri 
 otic feeling. Then they sailed her around to 
 the flats, just off the N. H. Yacht Club house, 
 dropped anchor in the mud, and she was ready 
 and fit for anything, they said. 
 
 They had bought her, new, in Freshman year, 
 and she had gone through with them to their 
 last year in college, requiring but one renewal 
 of sail and mast. They had had many a moon 
 light sail in her ; they had flirted and made love 
 
The Last Crtiise of the "Nancy Brig." 123 
 
 in her ; they had fished in her ; shot in her ; 
 crammed for annuals in her, lived in her a 
 large part of the summer term. 
 
 "Sleuth " Davidson was an original owner, but 
 they had led him astray into base-ball, and he 
 now covered first base. " Dwarf " Sprague had 
 been an original owner, but he had wandered 
 off into the University crew. There were many 
 other and finer yachts and cat-boats belonging 
 to students, but there was none that had so 
 many stories connected with her as the Nancy. 
 She had had her turns at bad luck, too, but she 
 had never drowned any one ; among other ad 
 ventures being herself run down by the night 
 boat for New York, one night when Barrington 
 fell asleep at the rudder. Cruising for duck the 
 previous fall among the Thimbles, she nearly 
 got her back broken on a sunken rock, but the 
 tide lifted her, and she sailed home half full of 
 sea water, safe and sound. 
 
 Well, that warm April day happened to be a 
 Wednesday, and Tad Nelson, Paige, Phil 
 Gardiner, " Great " Barrington, " Jack " Homer, 
 and Keith hurried down to the boat after noon 
 recitation, carrying with them a basket of 
 lunch, and getting some bottles of beer at Gus 
 
124 Yale Yarns. 
 
 Traeger s on their way. The owners would 
 take the first sail of the season, and it really 
 seemed as if summer had come again. 
 
 " Do you remember the night when Sam 
 Flemming put in his great saving act off the 
 Nancy ? said " Little Jack," as they jolted along 
 down in the horse-car. 
 
 Paige remembered it with a laugh. The 
 others had a dim recollection of hearing the 
 story. They had not been present. 
 
 " We had taken out a party of girls that 
 night," said Little Jack, " and we got in rather 
 late, owing to a calm. The chaperon was 
 anxious to get the girls home, and we hurried 
 things along as best we could." 
 
 " I know the way you generally hurry things 
 along on such occasions ! " laughed Paige. 
 
 " There was a Miss Friese there from Boston. 
 She was nice easy people. I think you d call 
 her a regular queen. She was too airy fairy for 
 me though. She could hardly open her mouth 
 without spouting poetry. Sam Flemming was 
 very much gone on a Miss Carrie Hathaway, 
 and she was engaged, at the time, in putting 
 up a sort of bluff act on him he trying to 
 show her he did n t give a cent for any one else, 
 
The Last Cruise of the l Nancy Brig. " 125 
 
 and trying to be devoted, and she accusing him, 
 pretending to, as girls have a little way of 
 doing, confound em ! of only trying to give 
 her the grand laugh. Carrie was a regular 
 dazzler then, and she is now, only she s so 
 bered down, and takes serious views of life, I 
 believe, since she and Flem. have made it up." 
 
 " Well, the Nancy got in at last on the flats, 
 and we dropped our anchor, and as she was get 
 ting into the rowboat Miss Friese fell overboard. 
 It was Sam Flemming s fault somehow, and, 
 without a thought, he threw off his hat and 
 dove overboard after her." 
 
 It was bright moonlight and clear as day. 
 Flem. dove, and he must have dived hard ! it 
 was n t more than two feet deep, and Flem. did 
 most of his diving into thick, oozy mud. His 
 legs stuck up in the air out of the water at first, 
 and then they slowly fell over on one side, and 
 Flem. rose up out of the mire a sight to be 
 hold. He looked like the old man of the sea, 
 with gory, slimy locks hanging down his back 
 and sides. What a sight he was ! He came 
 up gasping, and Miss Friese, who got herself 
 right side up with care without much effort, in 
 her fright, gave a great scream, and threw her 
 
126 Yale Yarns. 
 
 arms around Flem. s neck and clung to him and 
 kissed him, called him her Hero her Brave 
 Darling, ha ! ha ! ha ! etc. Well, you had 
 better believe that Miss Carrie liked that, and it 
 was a long time afterward before Flem. could 
 bring her round. But I shall never, as long as 
 I live, forget Sam Flemming s famous dive ! " 
 
 " His legs stuck out of the water half a 
 minute ! " laughed Paige, " and when he had 
 floundered up, it sounded so silly in Miss 
 Friese to go on in such tremendous heroics, 
 and clasp him to her as they stood there knee- 
 deep in mud, as Pauline clasps Claude Melnotte 
 in The Lady of Lyons. Oh, it was great ! And 
 the funny part of it was that Miss Friese took 
 it all in perfect seriousness, and half the girls 
 on the boat did too, and they thought Sam a 
 hero ! " 
 
 " The tides are desavin / laughed Barring- 
 ton. " I remember getting a load of people 
 aboard the Nancy, hoisting sail, and then find 
 ing the centreboard buried in three feet of 
 mud ! " 
 
 " What did you do then, Great ? " 
 
 " Oh, I pretended the wind was n t right, 
 and that I had to wait for a man from shore. 
 
The Last Cruise of the "Nancy Brig" 127 
 
 The tide rose after a little while, and I got her * 
 off." 
 
 They reached the N. H. Yacht Club house 
 by this time, and without delay got aboard the 
 Nancy Brig. 
 
 " She never looked better in her life ! " said 
 Boots Paige. 
 
 " She s a hummer, an angel, a darling, 
 dear old Nancy B. ! " cried Little Jack, de 
 lighted to have it warm and pleasant again for 
 sailing. 
 
 " Haul away your throat halyards ! Now the 
 peak. Slack off your sheet there, Boots ! Lay 
 her head a little more to starboard ! Now you 
 have her ! " So sang Great Barrington, skip 
 per. 
 
 The wind was rather light, but the tide was 
 going out, and they hoisted sail and swung 
 down past an anchored fishing schooner with 
 some of the Nancy s old-time speed. They 
 passed Indian Hill, now crowned with a fort, 
 and across the stern the ruins of old Fort Hale, 
 of 73. Now they steer across to the white, 
 unused old lighthouse, and tack briskly out 
 into the Sound. 
 
 " Say, boys, ye must expect a nor -wester 
 
128 Yale Yarns. 
 
 to-night," sang out an old salt from a puffing 
 tug. 
 
 " Right, Cap ! " sung out Boots in answer. 
 He was steering the boat. What did the brave 
 Nancy care for nor -westers ? 
 
 It was so warm and sunny, what wind there 
 was being directly with them, that they let out 
 the sail, threw off their coats, " hit " their pipes, 
 and prepared to enjoy life with an equal mind. 
 
 " Do you remember the story of Adams," 
 said Phil, " and Thomas and a lot of those 
 fellows in umpty-four, in their Freshman 
 year, who were out in the Sound in a cat, and 
 were run down by a Fall River boat, and were 
 picked up and carried to Newport, and for a joke 
 hid away three days and never let any one know, 
 and it got into all the papers, and the Faculty 
 offered $25 reward for their bodies ? " 
 
 " Yes, it was all they were worth too ! they 
 were a fresh set of chumps to do such a thing." 
 
 " Yes, a regular Freshman horse ! " 
 
 " There s an old story of a Yale student in 
 1 86 1, who sailed over to Long Island and who 
 left his boat keel up on the sand and his hat 
 floating on the water and went abroad, and they 
 never knew where he was " 
 

 The Last Cruise of the "Nancy Brig." 129 
 
 " Till the war was over!" suggested Tad 
 Nelson. 
 
 " No Yale man ever avoided the draft, no, 
 he owed a lot of money " 
 
 " So do I," came in chorus. 
 
 " And he went over as purser on a steamer 
 and then got in with Maximillian, went to 
 Mexico with him, and was shot there. He 
 was in 66." 
 
 "Quite a romance," said Little Jack, mus 
 ing over his pipe. "Wonder if it s true? he 
 sang: 
 
 "Does it seem so to you ? 
 
 Seems to me he s lyin 
 
 Oh, I wonder if it s true?" 
 
 They had got well down the harbor by this 
 time, and it was voted to run out the east chan 
 nel and so on toward Brandford Point and the 
 ever beautiful Thimble Islands, which they 
 presently saw twinkling and gleaming in the 
 sun to the eastward. 
 
 " The wind freshened a little and the Nancy 
 made good time. Several of the fellows put 
 on their coats. 
 
 " They say there are three hundred and sixty- 
 
 9 
 
130 Yale Yarns. 
 
 five Thimbles, one for every day in the year/* 
 said Phil Gardiner, standing up and using a 
 marine glass. " But I can only see three from 
 here." 
 
 " Give me the glass, old four eyes ! " 
 
 A pleasant allusion to Phil s eye-glasses, by 
 Barrington. 
 
 " I say, fellows, perhaps we d better not try 
 the Thimbles," said Little Jack dubiously. 
 
 "What with this wind?" and he was 
 instantly cried down. 
 
 So they sailed, borne on the western breeze, 
 which grew fresher as they got away from shore, 
 and they ate lunch and drank their bottled beer 
 with the eager joy of sailors no longer to be 
 housed ashore. 
 
 The glistening Thimbles grew to be bits of 
 green, then bits of brown and green, then took 
 on definite shape. They lay like pretty floating 
 gardens on the blue water. Paige pointed the 
 boat well down toward Pot Rock and the cove. 
 Here, a hundred years ago, the famous Captain 
 Kidd, pirate and buccaneer, hid his vessel behind 
 the rocky islands, and buried his treasure where 
 he and no one else has since been able to find it. 
 Only his celebrated punch-bowl, and initials re- 
 
The Last Cruise of the "Nancy Brig" 131 
 
 main to recall his sojourn in these charming 
 waters. 
 
 " Hard up your helm there ! Let go the 
 sheet ! " and so they came round to the little 
 steam-boat dock. 
 
 They had run in near Kidd s punch-bowl 
 island. As it was then three o clock, and the 
 wind was rising, they thought best to merely 
 load in (unromantically) a few bottles of beer, 
 and a pound or so of crackers, and set out for 
 home, as soon as possible. 
 
 " Jupiter ! -how black those clouds are on the 
 western horizon ! " said Barrington, as they 
 cleared the island, and made for open sea. 
 
 " Yes, they are," chorus. 
 
 " Do you remember the skipper s telling us 
 to look out for a nor wester? " 
 
 " Yes, we do," chorus. 
 
 " And the wind dead ahead too ! " 
 
 The first tack was out to sea, and the waves 
 had risen with the wind, and the great rollers, 
 which had started somewhere down near New 
 York, came heaving up from the westward, and 
 suggested, with the spray that began to fly, that 
 it would be a most excellent thing to reef. 
 
 The sail was lowered, and all hands fell to 
 
132 Yale Yarns. 
 
 work. She was reefed in a jiffy, but a wave 
 pounded over her stern, and made things nasty. 
 Little Jack fell to work bailing with a sponge 
 and dipper. Then they hoisted the sail again 
 and were off like a throughbred. 
 
 The wind freshened, and whatever the Nancy 
 was, she was not a wind-jammer. She fell off 
 a good deal, and they soon got pretty well 
 away from land. It got to be five o clock, and 
 the heavy clouds from the west made it seem 
 much later. The wind blew cold, and they shiv 
 ered, and joked, and chattered, and inwardly 
 wished they were well ashore, inwardly, not 
 outwardly. Barrington held the tiller with a 
 stern, set face, perhaps he knew the dangers 
 of a fluffy nor wester better than the rest, for 
 in summer he sailed nearly every day of his 
 life. Every now and then he cried : " Ease her 
 off ! " as the wind blew a cat s-paw. They 
 tacked and stood in-shore. Every one was 
 silent now, and anxious too, for the wind blew 
 so fresh that they began to worry about the 
 sheet, which had not been renewed since the 
 previous summer. The halyards, Paige thought, 
 were all right. He d been up the mast with 
 them and they were a good thing, he said. 
 
The Last Cruise of the "Nancy Brig." 133 
 
 The sail itself was good for a hurricane, he 
 said ; then he added, " D n April sailing, any 
 how ! " 
 
 " To-day was a regular April fool day, 
 was n t it?" said Jack Horner, cheerfully. 
 
 " No day to be out ! " growled shivering 
 Keith. " Too wet." 
 
 Then came the " I told you so s," as a wave 
 struck the bow, and fizz boom ! the spray 
 covered them and drenched them to the bone ; 
 again and again the water flew over them and 
 ran in rivulets down about the creaking centre 
 board. 
 
 They then took turns bailing until they were 
 tired and back-weary. Darkness came down 
 without the moon they had counted on. A 
 huge mass of cloud swept ominously across the 
 face of the sky, and Barrington, who took full 
 command, issued his orders as short, as sharp, 
 as fiercely as a captain s in an engagement. Two 
 men manned the sheet and left him free to 
 steer. Then, as the boat lurched off, in the 
 heavy seas, Great ordered another reef. 
 
 Then came a fine stinging sleet on the wind, 
 driving into their faces and cutting like a knife. 
 
 The reefing was done laboriously ; for their 
 
134 Yale Yarns. 
 
 fingers were stiff with cold now ; fearfully, for 
 the waves shook the boat as the wind shakes an 
 aspen of a summer night. 
 
 When double-reefed she rode better, and if 
 the wind had not freshened, they might have 
 weathered the gale ; but as deep night came on, 
 they were blown out farther and farther from 
 shore, and were, at eight o clock, nearly in the 
 middle of the Sound. It was dark and they had 
 no compass. Barrington was almost deter 
 mined to let her drive before the wind. 
 
 But now a new danger appeared. After hav 
 ing been laid up so long all winter, the Nancy was 
 " dry," and began to show it, in the banging and 
 tossing she got, by leaking badly. She had iron 
 ballast along her keel and enough, they knew, 
 to send her to the oysters in no time. They 
 worked ankle, then knee-deep in the icy April 
 water, and Barrington, with his set white face, 
 was driving her before the wind to the Long 
 Island shore ; not a word of discouragement, 
 or doubt, or misgiving had been spoken. As 
 far as anything was said, they were out on a 
 summer night s sail ! The water kept gaining, 
 and she rolled heavily and like a bilged log. 
 Every one baled with their hats now, but it did 
 
The Last Cruise of the "Nancy Brig" 135 
 
 little good. Far away in the eastward rose up 
 two lights out of the sea. A new, sudden ter 
 ror of being run down came over them. 
 
 Then, for the first time, Paige spoke up. He 
 was holding the sheet : 
 
 " What in h 1 are you doing, Great ? " 
 
 " Let me alone, damn you ! I know what 
 I m about ! " 
 
 " She 11 run you down ! " 
 
 " Let me alone ! " 
 
 " She s a tow barge I see red and green 
 lights why, even she s unable to manage 
 herself in this wind." 
 
 " Hell ! I don t care ; don t you see we 11 
 all be in the water in five minutes ? The tow 
 is our only chance ! " he said hoarsely. " We 
 may reach it. Let her drive ! " 
 
 Then there was a deep silence, and to nearly 
 all there, the bright red and green lights of the 
 tow steamer meant hope, for they were young 
 and could not look death in the face ; and it 
 was plain they could not keep afloat many 
 minutes longer. The waves dashed over the 
 boat at will, how madly, wildly, they fought 
 to drown the lads ! Piling one over the other 
 like yelling wolves, snarling, roaring, hissing, 
 
136 Yale Yarns. 
 
 drowning the sodden boat. Yet the lights, 
 green and red and white, drew near, nearer, 
 then . . . ! 
 
 The Nancy swung down the wind, and then, 
 as a water-logged boat will do in a heavy sea, 
 sidled against the long tow hawser and her 
 mast slipped along with a rushing swist and 
 a bing, until she smashed against the bow of 
 the tow, and for a brief minute hung there, 
 held by the suction of the sea and the leaping 
 waves. The great sail caught for a moment, 
 then burst into a hundred flapping streamers. 
 
 Just for a minute ! She hung pinned by the 
 wind and the sea against the flat wide bow of 
 the scow ! 
 
 All scrambled up the side, helping each 
 other on the tow in mad haste, all but one. 
 Great Barrington had either been hit or 
 stunned or had fainted when she struck, and 
 lay across the tiller as if dead. 
 
 " Great is killed ! " cried Little Jack about 
 to go down again. They seized him and held 
 him back. 
 
 "Oh, I ll fetch him, it s a faint!" said 
 Boots Paige ; and then, as if it were noth 
 ing, he went down again on the sinking Nancy, 
 
The Last Cruise of the "Nancy Brig." 137 
 
 and, groping his way, bore his friend up in his 
 arms. It was a dreadful moment ! 
 
 " Just in time, old man ! " they said to him, 
 as they swiftly pulled Great up, and gave a 
 hand to Paige. As he stepped on the deck of 
 the scow, the Nancy Brig, giving a sort of 
 mournful sob of despair, as if alive, sank out 
 of sight, foundered in mid-Sound, and the 
 scow went over her. 
 
 The scow, Ice King, forbidding in name only, 
 had a warm cabin, and a bottle of w r hiskey, and 
 a kind-hearted skipper, and an astonished skip 
 per s wife, and was bound for New London. 
 Barrington, seated higher than the rest at the 
 boat s tiller, had been struck by the boom of 
 the Nancy, and knocked senseless. He re 
 vived shortly, and was not seriously hurt. 
 Had he not shown a little sand, and steered 
 for the tow, where would they all have been 
 to-day ? 
 
 " Why, in Davy Jones s locker," says Little 
 Jack, with a jolly laugh. For a long time, 
 though, you could n t get any of the " owners " 
 to speak of that last cruise of the Nancy Brig. 
 It was too deadly solemn a matter. 
 
138 Yale Yarns. 
 
 " Yes," said Barrington, over his pipe, it 
 was a close call for the owners 
 
 "But I don t blame the dear old Nancy! 
 She did her best to save, not drown us," said 
 Little Jack, and in this opinion all concurred. 
 
OLD SLEUTH S LEVEL HEAD. 
 
 OLD Sleuth Davidson, the tall, good-look 
 ing, well bronzed fello\v, who played first base 
 on the Varsity nine last year, and never was 
 known to lose his head on any occasion, and 
 who always dressed (except when on the field), 
 in the very best style (he had his clothes over 
 from a Bond Street London tailor), and who 
 used to spend hours over his cravat, and debate 
 and argue for days with his chum about some 
 unimportant matter of dress, and was always 
 so silent and level-headed about everything else, 
 especially about matters concerning the fairer 
 and better sex, and who roomed in Welch, and 
 whose stand was well up in the first division, 
 Well, Sleuth Davidson went off the hooks, at 
 last, somewhat in this fashion, according to 
 Little Jack Horner, who pumped the facts out 
 of Sleuth s particular friend, Laze Aldrich. 
 Little Jack afterwards went to Sleuth s dinner 
 and got the whole story from his friends, for 
 139 
 
140 Yale Yarns. 
 
 Sleuth never gave himself away under any 
 consideration, and was confoundedly mad that 
 it got all over the class, as it did in a surprising 
 way, long before graduation. 
 
 "You see," said Little Jack, pulling away 
 hard at one of the Dwarf s cutty pipes, and 
 seated with his feet on the Dwarf s study table, 
 " you re not the only man that has been 
 foolish enough to go and get engaged before 
 he s out of college. Sleuth is there, too, and 
 I 11 tell you fellows how about it. 
 
 " Sleuth was going down to New York, 
 Thanksgiving, and he had invited his chum 
 Paton, Aldrich, and Barrington with him for 
 the game, and over Thanksgiving Day, at his 
 house. He had his dress-suit case and his hat- 
 box with him in the car, Sleuth always travels 
 like some benighted Englishman visiting this 
 country for the first time, and they settled 
 themselves in the smoker for the two hours 
 run to New York, feeling, no doubt, very fit, 
 and were exceeding glad to get away for the 
 fun, as we Elis all are, when we have given 
 out, pretty generally, that the foot-ball team of 
 the year consists of a dead man and ten 
 cripples, left over from the Springfield game. 
 
Old SleutJis Level Head. 1 4 1 
 
 " Every one of the four fellows was trying 
 to look his smoothest, you know, with the 
 usual blue violets in his button-holes, and 
 new hats and clothes and all. Sleuth had 
 promised them a good time in New York and 
 some very charming girls to meet, friends of 
 his sister. It seems she had arranged a* dinner 
 and theatre party that very night for them, and 
 they naturally anticipated a very agreeable sort 
 of a time, all round. 
 
 " Well, the express had run along down near 
 to Fairfield, when Great Barrington looked out 
 and said : Quick, fellows ! a stunning girl, 
 on horseback ! And they looked out and saw 
 a stylish queen on a thoroughbred, on the 
 road which crossed the track. Sleuth stuck 
 his head out of the window to get a better 
 look, and Gee ! his new silk hat blew off, and, 
 what does he do, but right then and there, 
 quick as a flash, he throws out his hat-box 
 after the hat ! 
 
 "The train was going at sixty miles an hour, 
 and the box must have fallen a good distance 
 from the hat, of course. 
 
 " I suppose you were so confounded mad to 
 lose your hat, you thought you might as well 
 
142 Yale Yarns. 
 
 throw out your hat-box too, laughed Bar- 
 rington. 
 
 " I never saw you lose your head before, 
 Sleuth/ said Paton, amazed. 
 
 " I did n t, I only lost my hat, said Sleuth, 
 calmly. 
 
 " Well, the queen was worth it ! Very easy 
 people ! said Great. 
 
 " * Sleuth, why the devil did you make 
 such an idiot of yourself ? asked Aldrich, 
 laughing. 
 
 " Old Sleuth quietly fitted his smoking-cap 
 on his head and kept very still for a few 
 moments ; then he said, in that slow, dry way 
 he has : My hat-box has my address in town 
 on it. Er you see it s the only way I could 
 think of to get my hat back again. A new 
 hat and hat-box too. 
 
 " You 11 never see either hat or box again, 
 you jack ! laughed Paton. 
 
 " You don t know your Connecticut, said 
 Sleuth. I 11 bet I get it back to-morrow in 
 time for the game. Some honest old hay 
 seed farmer 11 pick it up and express .it. 
 Perhaps the fair rider herself will be kind 
 enough to favor 
 
Old Sleuth s Level Head. 1 43 
 
 " What ! dismount from her horse, just 
 for a hat ? Oh, no ; the track walker will 
 wear it Sundays, Sleuth, and the box will do 
 for his tools. 
 
 " Twenty even you don t see both hat and 
 box again, Sleuth, said Paton, thinking he had 
 a snap. 
 
 " * Oh, very good, drawled Sleuth. Make it 
 fifty. And he took out a wad of Harvard 
 money he had pinched at Springfield. 
 
 " I 11 make it fifty, you don t see both hat 
 and box before the game to-morrow ! said 
 Paton. * Is it a go ? 
 
 " I don t mind, said Sleuth. 
 
 " I 11 place a modest ten on the same terms/ 
 said Aldrich. 
 
 " Count me in, same as Laze, echoed Bar- 
 rington. 
 
 " Sleuth accommodated them all, and then 
 they lit cigars and went to work and played 
 whist at a dollar a corner, until they had to 
 get out at the Forty-second Street Depot, al 
 though it was in the midst of a hand. 
 
 " They went to the Davidsons house on 
 Forty-seventh Street, and Sleuth borrowed a 
 hat from his younger brother Ben, who was 
 
144 Yale Yarns. 
 
 home from Andover and who happened to 
 have the big head that year, from shutting out 
 Exeter in foot-ball. The hat fitted Sleuth in 
 great shape. 
 
 " They dressed for dinner. Sleuth s mother 
 had invited half a dozen swagger girls, Alice s 
 friends, to dinner, and they had a good deal of 
 fun over Sleuth s being so fond of the sex that 
 he d risk his hat for seeing them. They made 
 fun of his throwing out the hat-box too, and 
 all went off to the theatre in a jolly frame of 
 mind. Old Sleuth, as was his habit, kept very 
 still, grinned, and hardly said a word." 
 
 " Just like him ! " laughed several listeners, 
 and Little Jack continued. 
 
 " Sleuth s sister, Alice, you remember her 
 at the Prom, last year? a bright, spicy, snappy 
 sort of girl, said it was dollars to doughnuts 
 or words to that effect that that girl on a 
 horse at Fairfield picked up the hat and box, 
 and her brother would hear from it again. 
 She and the girls all took a most romantic 
 view of the incident, and quite worked on 
 Sleuth s feelings, and kept him on the anxious 
 seat with their guying. 
 
 " His brother Ben said he had n t a doubt 
 
Old SleutKs Level Head. \ 4 5 
 
 the hat would come back, and then he winked 
 the other eye ! He made up a burlesque on 
 * The Cat Came Back, and sang it all over the 
 house. (I tell you, that brother Ben is going 
 to make a great chap some of these days, 
 when he comes down to Yale. He s a corker 
 for a young kid !) 
 
 " Well, after the theatre, they started out 
 to do the town. They drove down to the 
 Fifth Avenue Hotel, and met a lot of the fel 
 lows and got on a few shy bets with some Prince 
 ton men who wanted odds three to one. Then 
 they opened a bot., and got one or two other 
 Elis in with them and started for the Bowery. 
 But, fellows, the Bowery is n t much nowadays, 
 it s very slow ; they took in one or two beer 
 halls and drove back to the Hoffman House, 
 where there was a sort of mild riot going on, 
 and the peelers were trying to haul a young 
 tough to the station-house, all done up in 
 blue ribbons and shouting he \vas a Yale Soft 
 More There were more Yale students in 
 blue, \vith square, heavy jaws, bull-dog phizes, 
 and Bowery lingo, than any Yale monitor 
 would have owned up to ! They set on to 
 the peelers, and there was a lively rough-and- 
 
146 Yale Yarns. 
 
 tumble scrimmage right then and there, which 
 was fully described next day in the papers as 
 a grand student spree. I don t believe there 
 was a single Yale or Princeton or Harvard man 
 in it not one ! 
 
 " So they had a rarebit and a mug of ale, and 
 all went comfortably home to Sleuth s house, 
 and he put the two additional friends up ; they 
 slept three in a room, there never was such a 
 hospitable fellow as Sleuth, and they all slept 
 the sleep of the just and dreamed of the game 
 and the usual victory. 
 
 "The next morning, when they came down, 
 rather late, for breakfast, there, in the hall on 
 the hat-stand, was Sleuth s hat-box, with an 
 American Express label on it, and the hat inside, 
 as fresh and new as the day he bought it ! 
 
 " The expressman just brought it in, sir, 
 said the servant. 
 
 " Sleuth calmly opened the box and tried on 
 the hat, not at all surprised. It s been ironed, 
 he said. A card dropped out as Sleuth put the 
 hat on, and Paton picked it up. It read : 
 
 " Here s to the man who thinks it but his duty 
 To lose his hat in looking at a beauty. 
 Here s to the man who sees his hat return, 
 And searches far for whom it may concern ! " 
 
Old Sleuth s Level Head. 147 
 
 " Sleuth read it over twice there was no 
 other clue or address, and drawled : That 
 sounds like one of those rank mottoes you find 
 in a German favor, does n t it ? 
 
 " That girl is a thoroughbred it s an invita 
 tion ! laughed Great. 
 
 " Odd, that a girl would know enough to 
 have the hat ironed ! said Sleuth, musingly, 
 taking his hat off and looking it over. 
 
 " Oh, you unsentimental cad ! said Paton, 
 who, as stakeholder, turned over the money 
 they bet to Sleuth. Of course, that girl on 
 horseback wrote it ! and she practically invites 
 you to a Fairfield and no favor ! 
 
 " It s very astonishing ! mused Sleuth. 
 
 " Why, yes, that girl on horseback we 
 saw, said Aldrich, and he and Great at once 
 borrowed back their money bet and lost from 
 good-natured Sleuth, and they went out of the 
 house, and down to the Fifth Avenue Hotel 
 to hunt bets, profoundly impressed with Old 
 Sleuth s presence of mind and level head. 
 
 " Well, / never expected you d see that 
 hat or box again ! laughed Paton. 
 
 " Why, of course ! drawled Sleuth, dis 
 dainfully. 
 
148 Yale Yarns. 
 
 " The hat Dewlap s eight-dollar tile 
 just as good as new, as you shall hear, my 
 lads ! " and Little Jack laughed and his merry 
 little eyes twinkled in glee. 
 
 " Well, Thanksgiving day was bright and 
 fair ; New York was all blue and yellow, from 
 the Battery to the Park. After a jolly lunch, 
 they went out to the game on a coach, and on 
 the coach ranged up alongside of theirs was one 
 on which there was a party of yellow Princeton 
 men, and there was on it, too, one of the girls 
 who had been at Davidson s dinner the night 
 before. 
 
 " On the box seat of the Princeton coach, 
 sat a perfect stunner, a stranger, but by all 
 odds the prettiest queen on the grounds. Jove ! 
 but she was a corking beauty, raven locks and 
 gazelle eyes, and all that sort of thing ! Men 
 turned around and stared their eyes out at her. 
 It was an awful pity that she was done up in 
 yellow instead of blue, but she was. And she 
 waved a great big yellow silk flag too, with 
 a black * P in the centre, and was what the 
 poets call a cynosure of all eyes." Little Jack 
 smacked his lips over the word. 
 
 " What do you say to that in yellow, 
 
Old Sleuth s Level Head. 149 
 
 Sleuth? asked Barrington, indicating the 
 queen. Pretty smooth people eh ? 
 
 " I Ve kept my eye on that some time. Wait 
 till you see me take her away from the Nas- 
 saus ! drawled Old Sleuth. I m going over 
 to meet her in a minute. There is Miss Lin 
 coln (one of the girls who dined with them 
 the night before), and I know two of the Prince 
 ton men devilish good fellows. 
 
 " Sleuth got down from the coach, it was a 
 good half hour before the game, and the next 
 thing they saw, he was talking and laughing to 
 that queen in yellow as if he d known her all 
 his life ! 
 
 " Gee ! the Nassaus stood looking on as if 
 knocked silly. The girl seemed to take to 
 Sleuth in some extraordinary way, from the 
 first. Love at first sight, I guess. 
 
 " Paton and Aldrich, on the Yale coach, 
 shook their heads. * Old Sleuth is a winner, 
 again, they said, admiringly. What a won 
 derful level head he has ! 
 
 "There he was, sitting by her side talking 
 and monopolizing her, and the Nassaus could n t 
 seem to get near her. Oh, Sleuth always did 
 love to fuss the girls. Miss Lincoln, sitting 
 
150 Yale Yarns. 
 
 behind seemed convulsed, and kept telegraph 
 ing over to Alice Davidson, and there was some 
 joke going on among the girls and Ben that 
 the men could n t quite gather. 
 
 " While he was over there, the Elis sang : 
 
 " Don t send my boy to Princeton, 
 He is my only lad, etc., etc., 
 
 and that made the queen laugh and wave her 
 flag only the harder, and pretty soon the two 
 teams came out for preliminary practice, and 
 Sleuth trundled back to his own coach again, 
 highly pleased with himself, and they all con 
 gratulated him. He said : 
 
 " Who is she ? Why, she s from Fairfield, 
 she s the very girl we saw on horseback, her 
 name is Miss Louise Palfrey. She sent her 
 groom to pick up my hat and box, and ex 
 pressed them back to me ! I said that some 
 one would pick em up I hoped the girl would 
 and she did ! 
 
 " * When I got over there she was telling a 
 Princeton man the incident : " First, I saw a 
 hat fly out," said she ; " and then, to my aston 
 ishment, a hat-box flew out after it. And I 
 half expected to see a man come flying out 
 
Old SleutJis Level Head. 1 5 1 
 
 after the box, it was all so queer ! I sent 
 
 my groom for the hat and box, and expressed 
 them at once to the owner." 
 
 " " Not without a message," said I, repeat 
 ing the poem she had sent. 
 
 " " Oh ! " she laughed, blushing, " are you 
 the Mr. Davidson ? " 
 
 " " I am the man," I laughed, " and I take 
 off the very same hat to you now ! " 
 
 " " This is almost too good to be true ! " 
 she laughed, and Miss Lincoln laughed too, 
 very much amused, and added, in a whisper to 
 Miss Palfrey which I overheard, " Anything to 
 beat Yale ! " 
 
 "* She s awfully smooth you know, and full 
 of fun. It seems she and Miss Lincoln are old 
 friends. Now, isn t it queer? and I m sure 
 my mother would say it was all very provi 
 dential. 
 
 " And Sleuth the goat, beamed all over with 
 the innocent joy and the excitement of first 
 love. 
 
 " Well, the teams lined up, the substitutes 
 got off behind the side lines, and in a hushed 
 silence the great game began. 
 
 " Then we gave a cheer, and the Nassaus 
 
152 Yale Yarns. 
 
 gave their Siss Boom ! three times, and we 
 quieted down again, and got ready to do Prince 
 ton up in great shape, but we could n t seem to 
 make any headway. The ball was in our ter 
 ritory most of the time. We rooted hard, too, 
 and did a lot of shouting and yelling, but the 
 Nassaus tore holes through our line and played 
 horse with us. They see-sawed all around our 
 left end, and it was all we could do to stand em 
 off the first half with neither side a goal. 
 
 " Our dandy team played a logy, tired sort of 
 game, as if each man had been given knock-out 
 drops, and we all felt blue ! 
 
 " Then, in the intermission, Sleuth went over 
 and talked to Miss Palfrey again, and drank 
 champagne, and told of the great things Yale 
 would do next half. He bet gloves and candy 
 with her no end, just to please her. * Why, he 
 said, we 11 push em all over the block next 
 half. They re not in it. 
 
 " But when he got back to our coach he 
 shook his head, and said the game was a 
 sure goner, that Princeton would surely do 
 us up in the second half. But when the team 
 came out, we gave em the long cheer all the 
 samey ! 
 
Old Sleuth s Level Head. 1 5 3 
 
 " Breka Co ax Co ax Co ax ! 
 Breka Co ax Co ax Co ax ! 
 O up ! O up ! 
 
 Para Boloo 
 
 Yale! Yak! Yak! 
 (Ter) Rah, Rah, Rah, 
 
 Yale ! ! 
 
 " Then the second half began and it was 
 evident that Yale was n t in it a little bit ; 
 Princeton got a goal in ten minutes ; then we 
 held em down in a desperate bull-dog fashion 
 till the end ; it was awful ! 
 
 " I don t believe Old Sleuth really cared a 
 continental for the game. He pretended to be 
 terribly broken up though ; and Miss Palfrey, 
 going home on the coach, out of pity, con 
 sented to wear his bunch of blue violets. It 
 was a crush, you see, on both sides, and I 
 wish the story ended just there, for dear Old 
 Sleuth s sake, but it does n t. 
 
 " You see, as soon as they got back to town, 
 there was the regular Thanksgiving dinner 
 party, and in the midst of it Old Sleuth was 
 called out to pay a bill. Dewlap sent up their 
 bill for a high hat and hat-box. 
 
 " What f s this ? asked Sleuth of the man, in 
 amazement. 
 
154 Yale Yarns. 
 
 " * Hat and box purchased this morning, 
 said the man. Bill to be paid to-night. 
 Them s the orders/ 
 
 " * What ! I never bought a hat this morn 
 ing. 
 
 " H. J. Davidson ; that s the name. Hat 
 and hat-box delivered early this morning too. 
 
 " Why, I thought that was- the one 
 
 I lost on the train ! gasped Sleuth, beginning 
 to catch on. 
 
 " * All I knows on, said the man, * is that the 
 goods is new and ain t paid fer, an I want the 
 money thirteen dollars. 
 
 " Sleuth coughed up the money, and went 
 back to the table a wiser and a silenter man 
 than ever. But Ben and Alice guyed him half 
 to death. Poor Old Sleuth ! It was a put-up 
 job ! " 
 
 " Say, hold on, Little Jack ! " said his listen 
 ers. " You don t mean 
 
 " I do ! It was a clean beat ! Ben went 
 down to Dewlap s early that morning and or 
 dered a new hat for Sleuth and a new hat-box, 
 and pasted Sleuth s card on it, and it was that 
 he found on the hat-stand ! " 
 
 " And the verses?" 
 
 " Not bad, were they? Alice and Ben made 
 
Old Sleuth s Level Head. 1 5 5 
 
 em up, and put up the job just to take the 
 conceit out of their elder brother ! 
 
 " But Sleuth, who never loses his head, did 
 lose his heart. He admits he is dead crushed 
 on that Louise Palfrey, who lives in Balti 
 more. But then, what does a college crush 
 amount to anyway?" 
 
 " Poor dear Old Sleuth ! " laughed the 
 Dwarf. 
 
 " Oh, he just grinned and said nothing at all 
 about it. He got Ben to box four rounds with 
 soft gloves before he went back to college, and 
 poor Ben (a plucky young chap, who will surely 
 make his place on the Yale team some day) 
 went back to school with a pair of lovely black 
 eyes ! Sleuth told him he was paying for that 
 hat ! I don t know what he has on hand for 
 Alice ; but Sleuth, with his long head, will get 
 even somehow ! 
 
 " But Sleuth paid his bets like a man, and 
 what s more, to keep the grind on the dead 
 quiet, gave a very nice little dinner a week later 
 at the club (I was present), and at which he inti 
 mated that All s well that ends well, and that 
 if all went as well as he had reason to expect, 
 his engagement ring would probably cost his 
 whole month s allowance ! " 
 
NAT HALE OF 73. 
 
 " DURING the Christmas holidays," said 
 " Great " Barrington, one night, in Keith and 
 Horner s room, in Lawrance Hall, " I was in 
 New York 
 
 " Little Jack " was strumming to himself on 
 his banjo in a corner and softly jingling : 
 
 " There s nothing in the world goes wrong, 
 
 Nay, nay nay, nay 
 There s nothing in the world goes wrong ! " 
 
 " Ah, there, how was the Tenderloin ? Has 
 Dr. Parkhurst washed the Augean stables and 
 made the city over new? What did you see ? 
 And how was dear Ada Rehan ? " 
 
 This from Little Jack Horner. 
 
 " I was in New York," continued Barrington, 
 with a serious air, " and I had an experience 
 with " 
 
 " Tell us who she was, was it Tad s sister 
 Nelly ? I hope not, because we 11 have to fight, 
 of course, coffee and pistols, and all that." 
 And Little Jack sang 
 156 
 
Nat Hale of /j. 1 5 7 
 
 " And when your hair is gray or gone, quite gone, 
 Make merry all the same, we say \ve say we say " 
 
 " I had an experience which made me feel 
 that we young Elis don t know it all or do it 
 all, after all," continued Barry. 
 
 " Which it goes without sayin is a very wise 
 ree-mark," said Little Jack, solemnly, laying 
 aside his banjo. 
 
 " I d been down to Newspaper Row, to the 
 // s So office to see Bud Thompson of Umpty- 
 seven, who writes some of those funny Bow 
 er} 7 stories, you know. I left Bud at just 
 twelve o clock midnight, on Friday night 
 Hangman s Day, and I walked across City 
 Hall Park towards the Sixth Avenue Elevated 
 station at a rapid gait. 
 
 " There was no one in sight, and it was 
 storming a little, and you can imagine I was 
 somewhat surprised to hear a voice call out 
 behind me, * I say, are you a Yale man ? So 
 am I, 73. 
 
 " I stopped and waited a moment, but could 
 see no one, and thought I must have been 
 entirely mistaken." 
 
 " Oh, what a jag, my boy ! my boy ! " laughed 
 Paige. 
 
158 Yale Yarns. 
 
 " Shut up ; let him tell his yarn," said the 
 " Dwarf." 
 
 " I walked on, then heard the voice again, 
 behind me : 
 
 " I say, hold on, there ! How are things up 
 at New Haven? Give us the news. 
 
 " I stopped again and then went back. 
 
 " If you will be so good as to untie my 
 hands and feet, dear boy, I 11 get down and be 
 with you for a glass of good ale or spirits. 
 
 " Nathan Hale, is that you ? Can it be pos 
 sible ? Your voice ? Your very self ? 
 
 " Why, of course, my dear friend. Just 
 come and loosen my feet a little confound 
 those British soldiers they can t even mur 
 der a fellow like gentlemen ! They tied me 
 up like a felon ! 
 
 " I did as he bid me, and in another moment 
 the old grad. was down by my side off his gran 
 ite pedestal, kicking off the ropes which bound 
 his feet, and I was untying the cord about his 
 wrists. Gee ! he was a well-built chap ! and 
 mighty well bronzed by wind and weather. 
 
 " Could I get on a foot-ball team? he 
 asked, with a laugh. 
 
 " Well, I should smile ! I replied. 
 
Nat Hale of / j. 1 5 9 
 
 " * I can do my hundred yards in nine sec 
 onds, flat, he said, stretching out his limbs. 
 
 " * Nathan, Nathan, don t try to impose 
 upon a credulous mortal ! I laughed, hardly 
 believing my eyes and ears. 
 
 " Can you run with speed ? he asked. 
 
 " You chaps know I can do my hundred in 
 eleven seconds so I thought I d put the old 
 grad. to the test. I d heard that he was quite 
 an athlete. 
 
 " I 11 race you across City Hall Park, to 
 the new Court House and back ! I said. 
 Come ! for the beer ! 
 
 " We started. Well, I was n t in it. Fel 
 lows, he could have beaten Harry Brooks or 
 any other phenom. we ever could put up. He 
 was a perfect hurricane, a cyclone. I was 
 badly distanced. 
 
 " * Now, as to jumping, he said, as he 
 came trotting back, I ve done my twenty- 
 eight feet, often, in camp. I can better that, 
 now, 
 
 " Gee Whitaker ! I said. Did G. Wash 
 ington do the measuring? If he did, why, 
 of course, I 11 believe you. 
 
 " * General Washington was my nearest rival, 
 
160 Yale Yarns. 
 
 he laughed. He did his twenty-four feet, I 
 believe, and that was his best. 
 
 "Then just to show what he could do, he 
 just jumped across Broadway, from curb to 
 curb, as light and easy as a bird. I don t know 
 the distance. 
 
 " The beer is on me. Come along, Nat, 
 said I. You re a daisy athlete, and no mis 
 take ! I quite liked the old chap. 
 
 " We walked along up Broadway, and he told 
 me that he knew about every Yale man in town 
 now, and gave em a friendly glance as they 
 passed. I have to keep my stand and a very 
 high stand too he said, on my pedestal, all 
 day till twelve. Then I can do what I please 
 till the cocks crow. When they first put me up 
 in City Hall Park, I felt lonely; I thought 
 sure I was in Cork, not York, and all I could 
 see were Irishmen or Italians. But now I know 
 there are some Americans here, and quite a lot 
 of them take off their hats to me, as they pass, 
 and some stop to talk. My office hours, you 
 see, are from sunrise to midnight. I see them 
 on the way to the court house you know, 
 Judge Rowland, Tommy Thacher, George 
 Adee, and now and then " Our Chauncey " the 
 
Nat Hale of "> j. 161 
 
 " peach " oh I know lots of the young Yale 
 graduates too and they are a mighty like the 
 fellows in my day quiet, hard working with 
 perhaps one case to a dozen young limbs of the 
 law but a mighty hopeful. 
 
 " We came to a convenient and handsomely 
 lighted dive and I invited Nat in to have 
 something. 
 
 " The trouble with me is, said Nat. They 
 did n t give me a hat, you see, when I was, 
 ahem and, with these bicycle trowsers and 
 long tailed coat, and ruffled shirt they 11 be 
 apt to fire me out, won t they ? 
 
 " Not on your ambrotype, old man ! I said. 
 They 11 take you for a foot-ball player with a 
 chrysanthemum shock. You just say you re a 
 Yale man, that s enough. 
 
 " Well, it used to be so back in 73, he 
 said. Why we students used to run old 
 Haven Town in my day 
 
 " So we went down into a comfortable little 
 place and took seats on either side of a grate 
 fireplace, beside an, old mahogany table. 
 
 " What s your class ? Nat asked me. 
 
 ""93. 
 
 u * Just one hundred and twenty years below 
 
1 62 Yale Yarns. 
 
 me, he laughed ; the pleasantest laugh I ever 
 heard. And as he got warm before the fire 
 and the barkeeper made him a glass of hot 
 negus, or some such stuff Nat called it (I throw 
 this in for a historic touch ! " laughed Barry " I 
 took a hot-scotch), his face began to relax, and 
 he smiled as he drank, and said : Well, Yale 
 sand seems to be still a drug in the market, 
 from all I hear. 
 
 " You refer to athletics, well, yes. We 
 are holding our own pretty well this century, 
 thank you. 
 
 " It was a pity the war took place just 
 when it did. It spoiled my career as an ath 
 lete, he said. * I held the mile record in my 
 time. There was an Indian named Uncas, er 
 a fellow named Cooper (Yale 06) wrote him 
 up afterwards ; a Delaware, he did the mile in 
 3.04 on the shore at Savin Rock. We used 
 to think that pretty good in those days. 
 
 " We had more negus and more hot-scotch. 
 If I had time, he said, I d run up and see how 
 the old college has grown. In my day we had 
 just the Chapel and North, since called South 
 Middle. I roomed my two years in North 
 South, fourth back middle. Jehoshaphat ! how 
 
Nat Hale of ?3- l6 3 
 
 our boys did catch the war fever ! In our 
 class of twenty-three fellows, eleven went to 
 join the Continental Army. The pick of the 
 class went to the war, and how the New Haven 
 belles cried over us ! There was a little girl 
 my stepsister, too: 
 
 " Nat toyed with his negus, musing. 
 
 " There was a little girl with lovely brown 
 eyes, and she begged and begged me not to 
 go. But I laughed and went. Jehoshaphat ! 
 The poor dear little thing cried like her heart 
 would break. That was at New London, you 
 know, where I was at the time teaching school. 
 
 " " You 11 never come back, Nat," she said ; 
 and I never did, as you know. 
 
 " " Nat Hale," she whispered the last thing 
 in my ear, " Nat Hale," she was all pale and 
 trembling, for she fancied she was looking 
 Death in the face ; " Nat Hale, we shall meet 
 in heaven ! " 
 
 " " No, no, Nancy, right here on the shore of 
 New London harbor, where we ve often walked 
 beneath the thick maples and pines, and beau 
 tiful elms." 
 
 " " Are you prepared, Nat ? 
 
 " " I hope so ..." Why, you know, a fel- 
 
164 Yale Yarns. 
 
 low was n t thinking about dyin just when he 
 heard a fife an* drum and saw the soldiers 
 marching up the street, off for Boston and Bun 
 ker Hill ! 
 
 " " Oh, Nat, if I could wear the breeches, 
 I d go along with you ! " That s just what 
 she said, " Oh, Nat, if I could wear the breeches, 
 I d go along with you ! " 
 
 " * Then, I guess I laughed ! Ha ! ha ! I 
 caught the maid in my arms, and such a bussin 
 and a kissin she got that day ! Then he 
 sighed, * Poor soul ! Poor soul ! 
 
 "* For without being promised, sweet Mis 
 tress Nancy and I would ha been wed in secret 
 in due time; nor would I never ha been a 
 minister neither, as my father wished, but we 
 planned to be married on the sly and to go 
 down to York, together, she and I. 
 
 " * Oh, it s the army after all, the army makes 
 the man ! and fighting man to man in the field 
 was what I loved, and longed for! Ah me, to 
 get into active service for my country that 
 was what I longed for. 
 
 " * " And," she says, " I fear for you, Nat, and 
 I pray at morning, at noon, and at night for 
 And may God be near you in the time 
 
Nat Hale of /j. 165 
 
 of your trial " she spoke very solemn, I can 
 tell you ! 
 
 " "What trial, Nancy? Am I to be tried 
 like a common culprit ? perhaps hanged to a 
 gibbet, ha, ha ! for a deserter?" 
 
 " * She shuddered, poor girl " Ah, God, 
 it s not that ; but in your hour of peril. 
 You are brave and honorable, Nat ; you will 
 dare anything for sake of what you call glory/ 
 An I know that a gentleman will go further 
 for glory than common folk, too ! " Then you 
 ought, brother Yalensian, t have seen the tears 
 that dimmed that pair of brown eyes ! Tears of 
 pride they were ! tears of real old English pride, 
 for we both were English blood to the bone, as 
 you know, and we had the English love of honor, 
 and we were so soon to be pitted against 
 Hessians ! hirelings ! butchers ! Faugh ! 
 
 " So I kissed her again, quick, and was off, 
 for I heard down the street and far away the 
 rat-a-tat-tat of the drums. 
 
 " But she hung to me, and clung to me 
 and called me her old pet names and rubbed 
 her smooth little chin against my rough face, 
 and the drums grew louder, and I turned 
 away 
 
1 66 Yale Yarns. 
 
 " Still she held me close to her, and our 
 love was a secret, mind, for fear of her father 
 by law, and my father too ; and all this was 
 in the forest near City School, at New London, 
 where none could see. A pretty trysting-place, 
 I fancy it s all gone away now, long since 
 long since. 
 
 " And I said," Ah, God," I said it half 
 roughly, for the drums rang in my ears, and 
 the fever of the war took hold of me. I said, 
 " Come, come, sweet ! let me from you ! After 
 the war s over and the British driven home to 
 old England, then there 11 be time enough 
 for our billin and cooin ! Farewell, my little 
 Nancy ! Farewell ! Farewell ! " 
 
 " There was a long silence. I felt really 
 sorry for Nat, for he sighed so deeply. 
 
 " And I never saw her again, but once 
 
 " He paused and shook with emotion. 
 
 " In the sea of faces behind the row of 
 Hessians on the field beneath the apple-trees 
 Rutger s orchard I looked longingly for a 
 face I knew, an I heard a cry, " Nat Hale ! Nat 
 Hale ! " and I saw Her face. Friend, it was 
 sunny with smiles. Friend, she was alone, and 
 then I knew she d come all the way alone to 
 
Nat Hale of ? 3- l6 7 
 
 New York, she had run away from home to 
 see the last of me but the cruel Provost Cun 
 ningham would let no one see me, no, not my 
 own mother ! Oh, how cruel he was ! But I 
 saw Her. I saw all in a glance, and everything 
 that day was forgotten but love. She had 
 come all the way from New London, where I 
 had been so happy, and, brave heart, she 
 brought her sweet laughing face to make my 
 last hour less sad. Ah well ; they called me a 
 hero, the people, I could hear them mur 
 muring like a sullen wind, but there was a 
 greater hero than I there, and as I died, I 
 died clasped in spirit in her loving arms ! 
 
 " * What of it ! Death is better than dis 
 honor ! It was my hard luck, that was all ; my 
 luck and some of the old Yale sand, which 
 kept me true to my country. What s Yale is 
 American that s all ; and, there s plenty of 
 the same sand left up there at the old college, 
 and when wanted, called for, and ready, too, 
 as I noted in the Civil War 
 
 " She married ? I asked. 
 
 "Nat frowned. She marry? She died of 
 a broken heart, poor child ! Do we meet now, 
 you ask ; are we united ? Ah, friend, the after 
 
1 68 Yale Yarns. 
 
 world is but a reflection of life here. I dream 
 and we meet in dreams. She s in the music, in 
 the far mellow ring of bells ; she s in the colors 
 of the sunset, in the clouds that float over the 
 river. She lingers in the deep blue of the ocean, 
 in all that is rare and beautiful but other 
 than that, she is not. For love such as ours, 
 alas, is only for life, and then it ends. 
 
 " He bowed his head on the table in sor 
 row. 
 
 " In order to be a little more cheerful, I called 
 for more negus and more whisky. Nat said 
 he d rather like a taste of some old New Eng 
 land rum, as he liked a sip of it when in college 
 very well. The waiter brought a bottle and 
 two glasses. 
 
 " Tell me of your college days 
 
 " Oh, like yours, I daresay. Nat Daggett 
 was president. Can we get a pipe do you 
 fancy ? Tim Dwight was my tutor. 
 
 " Here, try one of these cigars ; you 11 like 
 them. 
 
 " I Ve seen Spaniards smoking them, and 
 now I see them on the street, often. (He lit 
 it and drew in.) Jehoshaphat ! That makes me 
 forget my troubles, Dear old Yale ! I love 
 
Nat Hale of /j. 169 
 
 thee as much as ever in spite of the Faculty ! 
 As old Tim Dwight wrote : 
 
 " Alma Mater. Here s to thee ! 
 
 Nourisher of liberty 
 In those parlous times of late, 
 
 When our Nation hung in fate 
 Yale ! thy sand was useful then. 
 
 Yale ! thou borest mighty men. 
 
 " Ah, yes. I was only twenty-one when I 
 died. I graduated when I was eighteen, and 
 we had a great Syllogistic debate. Bill Robin 
 son and I argued for woman s higher education, 
 and won it too ! Wish I could hear of Yale s 
 winning an occasional debate with Harvard 
 now-a-days. Ah, we had a splendid class, 
 old 73. Jim Hillhouse the finest chap that 
 ever lived ; Ez. Samson ; Selden of Lyme, a 
 grand chap he ; Dave Humphreys ; Wyllys of 
 Hartford ; Jack Brown, Sherman, and Hunt- 
 ington, all those fine fellows. They all went 
 into the war, as I did, and Tallmadge of 73 
 captured Andre", and saw him hanged, as 
 they hanged me. Was n t that odd, now, my 
 friend ? Yes, sir, Major Tallmadge and I, we 
 were chums at Yale, and he captured Andr ! 
 
170 Yale Yarns. 
 
 But Andre was not denied even a Bible on the 
 hour of his death, nor the kind offices of friends, 
 as I was. Ah me, it was a sad, heart-breaking 
 sight to see my last letters of farewell to my 
 mother and sweetheart Nancy burned in my 
 very sight ! 
 
 " * You have a glorious name, deathless, 
 renowned forever, I said. 
 
 " I m very well satisfied nozv. At most, I 
 might have lived to, say 1840, and by this time 
 I would have been fifty years under the sod, in 
 any event. And, too, my name is getting to 
 be better known than ever before. For fifty 
 years my countrymen utterly forgot me. Then 
 came my monument at South Coventry, and 
 then a statue in Boston, and now one here, 
 where I died, but not on the exact spot. Rut- 
 ger s orchard was about the corner of East 
 Broadway and Market street. But the old jail, 
 now Hall of Records, still stands where I spent 
 my last night. I was tried and sentenced by 
 Sir William Howe at Fifty-second street and 
 First avenue. 
 
 " And did you die from a cart ? 
 
 " * Yes, I was served up a la carte, Ha ha ! 
 I have the laugh on them all now, eh ? And 
 
Nat Hale of 7 j>. i 7 1 
 
 Brute Cunningham, the Provost, to my certain 
 knowledge, is writhing in hell, where he be 
 longs, All s well that ends well 
 
 " Amen ! 
 
 " And if my death inspired my classmates 
 and fellow soldiers with courage, it was more 
 useful than my life might have been. The say 
 ing, " It 11 all be right in a hundred years ! " is 
 true. \Ve realize now that it is moral force 
 and moral strength of character, under God, 
 that is what we are to show on earth. That is 
 what they taught the sons of Eli in my time, 
 and that is what they teach now. Be brave, 
 and true, and honorable, whether called on to 
 die, or live ! 
 
 " Do you know what I d like to see ? A 
 statue of you on the Yale campus/ 
 
 " Oh, there s no need now. It will come in 
 time, perhaps. I should like it very well. The 
 country has grown rich and great, thousands of 
 foreigners of the poorest class have come in 
 here. It may be well to impress on these the 
 high value of free institutions, and with what 
 difficulty they were obtained. But I am fully 
 aware that personal liberty is assured for all 
 time and that the new heroes to come will be 
 
172 Yale Yarns. 
 
 called on to give up their lives, not for liberty, 
 but for equality and fraternity. 
 
 " Nathan Hale of Yale, 73, rose to go. 
 I Ve enjoyed seeing you, and talking with 
 you, very much/ he said. I have n t asked as 
 much as I would like about your recitations, 
 debates, meetings, and your sports. We had a 
 small affair in 1773, like some small school of 
 now-a-days, but we made warm friendships and 
 had our songs and jokes, and good old rum, 
 too, in spite of the fact that we were, many of us, 
 preparing for the ministry. Oh, yes, we were 
 true college boys, and boys are the same yes 
 terday, to-day, and forever ! Well, I Ve got 
 a good many things to do to-night, I Ve got to 
 walk down to the Treasury building and meet 
 George for one thing and I must go. 
 
 " And we shook hands, and with a kindly 
 smile and bow which showed him to be a fine 
 type of the old school gentleman, he was off." 
 
 There was a short silence as Harrington fin 
 ished. 
 
 " It s hard to realize that the famous Nathan 
 Hale, the martyr of the Revolution, was after 
 all a hail-fellow-well-met, at college just like 
 one of us," said Keith. 
 
Nat Hale of * 7 3- ! 73 
 
 " Hale of 73. Hail to thee ! He s an 
 honor to the old college ! He d get on the 
 nine and crew and team, and win the debate 
 with the Harvard for us, too eh ? " cried 
 Little Jack, enthusiastically. 
 
 " Yes, there was nothing Hale of 73 could n t 
 do well," said Barrington, gravely. u Except 
 lying " 
 
 " How s that. That s dead easy ! " 
 
 " If he d been clever at that, the British 
 never would have captured him. But he had 
 a sort of high and mighty disdain for deceit, 
 and, like a gentleman, he owned up at once 
 what he was, a spy." 
 
 " He was a gentleman ! " said Keith. 
 
 Little Jack shook his head. " He was n t in 
 the right place then, and George Washington 
 underestimated his man when he let him act 
 as a spy. He belonged way up, he ought to 
 have been made a general. Why, they threw 
 away too valuable a man, fellows ; I say it was 
 a shame ! " 
 
 Little Jack Horner began to get excited. 
 
 " I say it was a shame and a sin to let that 
 noble-hearted old grad. of 73 go and play spy 
 as he did. \Vhy in the name of all the pro- 
 
174 Yah Yarns. 
 
 phets did n t they send a nigger? Any one 
 would have done better than he. Yes, sir, 
 he was too great a man ! " 
 
 " Why then, to act as he did then, he was 
 far and away the grandest old grad. Yale has 
 ever had ! " 
 
 " Well, he just was ; he was square, modest, 
 gentle, good-hearted, brave, plucky with the 
 sand of a lot of pure-minded Puritan ances 
 tors. Gad ! He was the greatest Yale man 
 that ever lived ! " said Barrington simply. 
 
 And, after a little, the talk fell on other 
 matters. 
 
THE DAWN TEA. 
 
 Scene : A cozy student s room in Lawrance Hall. Time 
 4.30 A.M. of the morning after the Prom. 
 
 Present, in evening dress, Mrs. Montgomery, Chaperon ; 
 Miss Helen Montgomery, Miss Clara Powers, Miss Kitty 
 Nelson, some of the usual crowd of Seniors. The girls look 
 more or less worn and fagged, and have just come from the 
 Prom. 
 
 (A side table, on which cups and saucers are set out and tea 
 is steeping, and several bottles of iced champagne are standing 
 wrapped in napkins, and glasses, presided over by Honest 
 John, the college sweep, in an alpaca coat and clean white 
 apron.) 
 
 Mrs. Montgomery {doing her duty as chape 
 ron, throwing off her heavy opera cloak ]. Are 
 you quite sure, Mr. Paige, that the sun rises, as 
 you say, at five ? This making a night of it 
 is a little wearisome. I feel quite dragged. 
 [Sinks into a chair and pulls off her glove sl\ 
 
 Little Jack Horncr [aside]. Poor old dra 
 gon ! \_Goes about turning up several pretty 
 lamps, half concealed in deep red, white, and 
 yellow shadesJ] 
 
 Miss Montgomery {turning to Miss Powers, 
 
I 76 Yale Yarns. 
 
 whispers anxiously}. Clara, I m dead with 
 sleep ; do tell me how I look ? 
 
 Miss Powers. Like a funeral, dear ; and I ? 
 
 Miss Montgomery. Like a last week s "Amer 
 ican Beauty." [Both smile sweetly^] 
 
 Boots Paige {concealing 1 a yawn~\. Poor Mrs. 
 Montgomery! {Turning to herJ] Have you 
 enjoyed the Prom.? 
 
 Mrs. Montgomery. Very much. I have a 
 way of sleeping, you know. I can fall asleep 
 anywhere, sometimes it is positively ludicrous ! 
 Thanks, no champagne for me. [Honest 
 John passes around a tray on which are half a 
 dozen glasses^ 
 
 [ Under the Red Lamp^\ 
 
 Miss Kitty Nelson [politely conceals a yawn]. 
 It was a jolly ball, not quite so eventful as 
 last year s. [ Takes a glass of champagne. ] 
 
 Sprague. No. I should say not ! [Aside 
 to herl\ I wish you would n t, Kitty. You 
 know what I think about it. 
 
 Miss Kitty [smiles, and puts aside the glass 
 untasted~\. But I enjoyed it better. [Turning 
 to the chaperon. ] When one s engaged, Mrs. 
 Montgomery, one dances with a positive fury, 
 
The Dawn Tea. 177 
 
 knowing that the opportunities are growing 
 less. 
 
 [Mrs. Montgomery {drowsily^. But, my dear, 
 there are married balls. {She closes her 
 eyes as if exhaustedl\ 
 
 Miss Kitty. Unfortunately not for us ! 
 
 Mrs. Montgomery. Three days of this sort 
 of thing, I fear will be the death of me. 
 
 Little Jack Homer. Poor dear lady ! The 
 dawn tea appears to be just the feather that 
 breaks the dragon s back ! 
 
 Miss Kitty. We expect to live in Ohio, 
 don t we, Dick, dear? and out there I fancy 
 marriages and deaths are the same thing. 
 
 Little Jack \teasingl)^\. Poor girl ! Why do 
 you marry the Dwarf, anyway ? He deprives 
 you of the fizz, and it s ten to one he does n t 
 really love you a little bit 
 
 Miss Kitty. Perhaps. It was only half-past 
 nine when he last vowed and declared he did. 
 
 Sprague. Don t listen to him, Kitty ! 
 
 Miss Helen Montgomery [from the corner 
 of the sofa~\. Do nudge mamma, some one, and 
 keep her awake. It is aw fid. This is in the 
 midst of college, and we are surrounded by 
 hundreds, thousands of men 
 
i 78 Yale Yarns. 
 
 Miss Powers. Surrounded, but we 11 never 
 surrender ! 
 
 [ They nudge Mrs. Montgomery, gently I\ 
 
 Mrs. Montgomery [opening her eyes, and try 
 ing to look very wide awake]. These dawn teas, 
 as you call them, are quite new, they say. 
 They are very nice, jolly affairs, very jolly ! 
 Just at this time if one cannot sleep a little 
 nourishment is quite necessary. Have you any 
 bouillon? I never drink champagne. 
 
 \_A tray is passed around by Honest John the 
 Thief, containing bouillon, Russian tea, candies, 
 fruits, preserves, biscuits, cake, etcJ] 
 
 Mrs. Montgomery. Really, what a variety 
 Do you get all these things from commons? 
 
 Little Jack. No, only the spoons. 
 
 [ Under the Yellow Lamp.~] 
 
 Miss Clara Powers. Yes, there are lots of 
 things such bright things, one remembers 
 just after one has left the floor, and now one 
 has a chance to get them off, I believe that s 
 the raison d etre of a dawn tea. 
 
 Little Jack Horncr. Then be good natured 
 and say some of those bright things, it may 
 keep us awake ! 
 
TJie Dawn Tea. 1 79 
 
 Miss Clara. Really, I have n t thought 
 them up yet, I am not feeling particularly 
 clever, just now That is Dear me! I danced 
 every dance ! 
 
 "Austin {sentimentally }. Like a beautiful 
 fairy ! Ah, Miss Powers, my heart, etc,, etc. 
 If you only knew, etc., etc. 
 
 Miss Clara [sedately ]. Don t ! Really, I 
 am over tired as it is, Mr. Austin. 
 
 Little Jack \as Austin tremblingly pours 
 out a glass of champagne }. Why do you 
 tremble so, Adolphus? 
 
 Austin. My best girl has just shook me ! 
 
 Miss Clara. You refer to me? How I wish 
 I could ! 
 
 Tad Xclson [handing" around a tray of tea and 
 Educators whispers}. For Heaven s sake, Jack, 
 drink some tea and stimulate your brain. We 
 depend on you to keep things going, you know, 
 and things are going slow as molasses - 
 
 Little Jack \jnaking a brace}. I heard quite 
 a poor thing gotten off by Aldrich, of our class. 
 He s a great chess man, you know, he said 
 he d given up two knights to one queen. 
 [ Yaitms.} I thought he d made a poor exchange. 
 
180 Yale Yarns. 
 
 Miss Clara. Who is Mr. Aldrich s " queen," 
 at present ? 
 
 Little Jack {thoughtfully}. Well, I know 
 who was / I think he s with her somewhere 
 now, wandering about on his way here. 
 [ Yawns .] I say, \with an effort to be entertain 
 ing} on the whole, dawn tea cups are not 
 what they are cracked up to be. [A sympa 
 thetic silence."] 
 
 [Little Jack looks hopelessly around the room. 
 Barrington and Miss Montgomery are seated on 
 the zvindow seat. Miss Montgomery s eyes are 
 closed .] 
 
 Little Jack. I say, Great, you re not in a 
 prize fight ! Trying to put your opponent to 
 sleep ? 
 
 Barrington. No, but see, I have closed both 
 her eyes ! 
 
 Miss Montgomery {awaking suddenly]. Er 
 what? Oh, as you were saying, er 
 
 Paige \in a loud cheerful voice"]. Have some 
 sandwiches, some of the pate, Miss Montgom 
 ery. By the way, your mother is peacefully 
 asleep again, and we Ve gently, but firmly led 
 her into an adjoining room, to sleep undis 
 turbed ; we chatter too much in here. It is 
 
The Dawn Tea. 1 8 1 
 
 no time to chatter, but to eat, sleep, and try 
 to be merry. 
 
 Miss Montgomery. And we are unchaper- 
 oned ! O heavens ! [Rises as if to go to her 
 mother.] 
 
 Paige [with assumed earnestness]. Let me 
 be your chaperon confide in me What is 
 it? 
 
 Miss Montgomery [putting her hand up to her 
 hair]. I think I Ve danced my hair down, for 
 one thing. 
 
 Paige. Well, I 11 be switched ! 
 
 Miss Montgomery [laughing ] You are so 
 funny, Mr. Paige! 
 
 Tad Nelson [goes to window]. But see ! 
 the rosy fingers of dawn are upon the morning 
 sky ! It s getting brighter ! [ YawnsJ] 
 
 Little Jack. Yes, I wish we were ! [ Turn 
 ing to several girlsJ] Won t you have some 
 champagne ? 
 
 Chorus of girls. No, we ve decided not 
 to It s bad form 
 
 Little Jack. To drink anything but cock 
 tails at this hour But how did you know ? 
 
 Chorus of girls. You are perfectly horrid ! 
 
 [ The door opens and in walks Miss Eleanor 
 
182 Yale Yarns. 
 
 Swift, shivering with the cold, ivith Laze Al 
 drich, the latter in a heavy fur -lined ulster I\ 
 
 Chorus. Well, where have you been? 
 
 Miss Swift. Foraging. \_Looks about J] Where 
 is, is Mrs. Montgomery Oh, I m nearly 
 dead. 
 
 Chorus. The chaperon is asleep Hush ! 
 
 Miss Swift [shivering]. We got lost, did n t 
 we, Mr. Aldrich, and we d no idea where you 
 all were. [ Throws off her wrapJ] Oh, I m as 
 hungry and tired as a Feejee missionary. I 
 am danced out, spun out, talked out, 
 laughed out, 
 
 Little Jack. Put out? 
 
 Miss Swift. Not yet Expect to be if I 
 harlg on here at Yale much longer ! 
 
 Little Jack \_laughing]. Oh, no, you will 
 never be fired, you re not wicked enough for 
 that! 
 
 Aldrich. You see, we thought you were 
 all over at Battersby s tea in Durfee, and we 
 went there. They yawned graveyards at us, 
 and made us tired. And so we went to Jim 
 Allen s tea in Farnam. All asleep in chairs 
 there, plates in their laps, woke them up ! 
 It looked like a field of battle after the fight 
 
The Dawn Tea. 183 
 
 the dead and wounded waiting to be carried 
 away. Oh, these dawn teas are the stuff ! 
 
 [Under the White Lamp] 
 
 Miss Sivift {seating herself in an easy chair]. 
 Tell me who invented the dawn tea ? It is so 
 very weird ! 
 
 Little Jack. It is certainly not what you d 
 call a rum idea, is it ! 
 
 Miss Swift. That depends ! [Hastily. ] I 
 think the man who invented the dawn tea 
 should be hoist in his own teapot ! 
 
 Paige. Yes; hung, quartered, and drawn. 
 
 Aldrich. I think it came in with the beau 
 tiful and pathetic song, You cant leave me, 
 Charlie ! [Laughter. ~] 
 
 Miss Swift. Never saw such devotion the 
 last two days in all my life. As I said to Mr. 
 Aldrich, " are we never to part ? " 
 
 Aldrich. And I said, you remember, " No," 
 and then you said, "Ah, me, it s just like 
 heaven, then, isn t it?" 
 
 Miss Swift [indignantly]. Mr. Aldrich, you 
 have a brilliant imagination ! 
 
 Aldrich [half whisper s\ To me it would 
 be heaven ! 
 
184 Yale Yarns. 
 
 Paige \ppening the heavy curtains and let 
 ting in the gray morning light ]. Poor girls ! 
 Poor girls ! Prithee, why so pale ? Wait ! Let 
 me turn the colloseum on to Juliet ! 
 
 Aldrich [whispers to Paige}. Something 
 must be done ! It s awful slow What shall 
 we do to wake them up ? 
 
 Paige. Play our last trump ! 
 
 [A Idrich winks and hovers for a moment over 
 the red tea cups arranged on the tray. Honest 
 John the Thief laughs, and Aldrich thumps him 
 on the backJ] 
 
 Honest John. Dat s de greatest impositium 
 dat I eber see played ; dat red tea is queered ! 
 Hi! hi! 
 
 Aldrich [whispers]. Shut up, you black 
 rascal ! Keep dark ! Be sure and serve the 
 red cups only to the men, do you hear? I 
 would n t have the ladies drink it, of course, 
 for anything in the world. Remember, the 
 cognac is in the red cups only. 
 
 Miss Montgomery \leans back in her chair}. 
 I wonder where papa is. You know, he always 
 calls for us and takes us home. It s a way he 
 has. And what will he say to poor mamma s 
 deserting the ship ? 
 
The Dawn Tea. 185 
 
 Little Jack. That the dawn tea was too 
 great a hardship. 
 
 Miss Montgomery [seriously]. Papa is a 
 clergyman, you know. 
 
 Paige [aside to Miss Swift ]. Really ! that s 
 nothing against him ! At least he can give us 
 a benediction ! 
 
 Honest John the Thief [passing around the 
 tray of Russian tea]. De blue cups is ladies , 
 ma m, yes, ma m 
 
 Miss Montgomery [sipping, but not drinking]. 
 It seems rather weak. It needs more steeping, 
 Mr. Aldrich, and more lemon, and more 
 
 Aldrich [laughing to himself]. Oh, does it ? 
 Well, the next will be stronger. 
 
 Miss Powers. I think it s too strong. [Barely 
 tastes the teaJ] 
 
 Miss Swift [who kas quietly insisted upon tak 
 ing a red cup]. It s delicious, Mr. Aldrich, 
 but it is n t tea it s punch. [Tries to look in 
 dignant^] 
 
 Aldrich. It s gin-seng. Don t say a word ! 
 
 [Under the Red Lamp.] 
 
 Miss Kitty Nelson [returning from an obscure 
 corner with Sprague]. Oh, give me a red cup. 
 
1 86 Yale Yarns. 
 
 One lump, please. [Drinks^] How refreshing 
 Russian tea is ! {Looks at PaigeJ] You wicked 
 boy ! 
 
 Paige. Hush! T was n t me, as done it! 
 It s only for us fellows, anyway ! Don t give 
 the tea away ! 
 
 Kitty. No, I want it myself. But you can 
 tell it by its breath. 
 
 Paige. Yes, we can ! we old, ahem ! They 
 can t, the innocents ! 
 
 Kitty \_provoked~]. I m going to warn every 
 body the red tea is drugged ! 
 
 Paige. No, don t ! Perhaps they know it, 
 and like it ; and if you do, they won t want 
 to take any more, and you 11 get yourself 
 disliked ! 
 
 Kitty [laughs]. Very true ; it s good, any 
 way. 
 
 Little Jack. And thus you ve begun to 
 pull the wool over the eyes of the poor Dwarf ! 
 
 Kitty. Hush ! 
 
 Aldrich {beckoning Little Jack aside and in 
 dicating Miss Powers and Austin]. Listen to 
 them ! They are getting gay ! And Adol- 
 phus is just as innocent, too ! What are we 
 going to do ? 
 
The Dawn Tea. 187 
 
 {They approach Austin who is seated on the 
 sofa next Miss Powers and who, by way of a joke, 
 has innocently exchanged cups with her.} 
 
 Miss Powers \_drinks from the red cup~\. Oh, 
 that last waltz turn-turn da-da [gestures with 
 her cup~\. I wish we could dance now ah me ! 
 Waldteufel s divine waltzes ! 
 
 Austin. Only divine while they embodied 
 you ! {Swallows his tea giddily. .] 
 
 Miss Powers {swinging dance card in her 
 hand}. I could dance it all over again da 
 capo. 
 
 Austin. You have danced your way into my 
 heart. [Sighs .] 
 
 Miss Powers. Then I m sure it s high time 
 I ve danced out again for I feel quite stifled ! 
 
 Austin. To be sure I m not an omnibus ! 
 
 Miss Powers. No ! {Laughing^} You must be 
 taken in small courses, a la cart ! 
 
 Little Jack {to AldricJi}. Yes, capital horse 
 on Adolphus, isn t it ? 
 
 Aldrich {anxiously}. But Miss Powers must 
 never know it ! 
 
 Paige {as he swallows his tea}. I feel like 
 saying what the freshman who once took din 
 ner with Prexy said 
 
1 88* Yale Yarns. 
 
 Miss Montgomery. What s that ? 
 
 Paige. Let s have another ! [Helps himself 
 from the trayJ] 
 
 [A knock. Enter Rev. Dr. Montgomery, natu 
 rally very cold, glum, and sourJ] 
 
 Rev. Dr. Montgomery. Nellie ! Are you 
 aware of the hour ? What ! Champagne ? 
 [Scowls. ~\ I hardly approve of this. 
 
 [Honest John is told to hide away the bottlesJ] 
 
 Miss Montgomery [gayly]. Poor papa ! You 
 ought to be home and in bed ! 
 
 Rev. Dr. Montgomery. Is this fitting? Is 
 this seemly? Where is your mother? 
 
 Miss Montgomery. She s asleep ! 
 
 [Austin, Aldrich, Harrington, etc., grasp his 
 hand with greatest unction and help him off 
 with his overcoat, for Miss Nellie is a very pretty 
 girl.-} 
 
 Rev. Dr. Montgomery. I have the carriage 
 waiting 
 
 Barrington [politely trying to entertain the 
 old gentleman}. You are an old grad., sir, are 
 you not? Of the famous class of Umpty 
 which ? 
 
 Rev. Dr. Montgomery [ a little mollijied\ 
 Yes. Umpty-one, the greatest class that ever 
 
The Dawn Tea. 1 89 
 
 graduated at Yale. But, come, Nellie. Come, 
 at once ! 
 
 Paige. But you 11 have a glass of cham 
 pagne, Doctor ? 
 
 Rev. Dr. Montgomery [puts out his hand in 
 rebuke]. Certainly not ! Certainly not ! 
 
 Barrington. Won t you have some tea? 
 
 Rev. Dr. Montgomery No, we can t wait, 
 and I don t like tea. 
 
 Miss Swift. I m sure mine was awfully 
 strong. [Rises. ] But I feel quite, oh, much 
 better. Really quite giddy. 
 
 Miss Clara Powers {rising to go]. I don t 
 feel a bit tired now 
 
 Austin. Dear Miss Clara I must mention 
 to you before we part, gi oh, gi me back 
 me heart ! etc., etc. 
 
 Miss Clara \yexedly\. Oh, take it! and do 
 hold on to it, in future. Really, Mr. Austin ! 
 
 Rev. Dr. Montgomery [solemnly]. The car 
 riage is waiting. Really it is very late. Come, 
 Nellie- 
 
 Paige [cordially]. Have just one cup of Rus 
 sian tea, Doctor ? [Hands red cup and saucer^] 
 
 Rev. Dr. Montgomery [sternly]. I don t care 
 for tea. 
 
190 Yale Yarns. 
 
 Paige. But Really. Won t you try just one 
 cup? 
 
 Rev. Dr. Montgomery. Well, I will take 
 just one \Sips his tea slowly .] Where is your 
 mother, Nellie ? I have had a distressing time 
 finding you. These gayeties weren t known 
 in my day. And they are apparently like 
 Heber s Sabbath without end. 
 
 Miss Montgomery. Mamma ! ! \No response.] 
 Mamma ! ! ! 
 
 [She opens the door, looks in, and then looks 
 back into the room with a face of blank despair. 
 The doctor drinks his tea at a swallow] 
 
 Rev. Dr. Montgomery. I never cared er 
 for Russian tea. But that is quite good very 
 refreshing 
 
 Aldrich. Have another, Doctor? 
 
 Rev. Dr. Montgomery. I don t mind, the 
 cups are not large. Please, not quite so much 
 sugar, only one lump, please. And really, 
 I prefer milk, if you have it. 
 
 Aldrich. Oh, very good. ^Prepares another 
 stiff cup, with some milk, which the doctor inno 
 cently swallows] 
 
 Rev. Dr. Montgomery. Well now, my dear. 
 Call your mother and let s be off. Ahem ! 
 
The Dawn Tea. 191 
 
 very good tea that excellent Very refresh 
 ing very invigorating 
 
 Little Jack \mischievously\. Before we go, 
 
 we ought to have a song. 
 
 Rev. Dr. Montgomery. That tea was very 
 warming very {Toys ivit/i his spoonJ] 
 
 Little Jack [aside]. He likes it ! 
 
 Aldrich. Give us an old-time Yale song, 
 Doctor, one of your time 
 
 Rev. Dr. Montgomery. Oh, dear me ; I Ve 
 forgotten all the songs I ever knew in the 503. 
 Let me see \_Hums a few notes^\ 
 
 Little Jack [aside]. This is rich ! 
 
 Miss Montgomery [anxiously to Jack]. Was 
 it really tea papa drank? 
 
 Little Jack. What does it matter? 
 
 Miss Montgomery. I shall be very indignant 
 if 
 
 Little Jack. I assure you, solemnly, it was 
 rushing good tea ! 
 
 [Rev. Dr. Montgomery after a little urging 
 sings Dr. Holmes old song in a loud basso, to the 
 tune of Off the Blue Canaries" 
 
 And who was on the Catalogue 
 When College was begun ? 
 
192 Yale Yarns. 
 
 Two nephews of the President 
 
 And the Professor s son. 
 (They turned a little Indian down 
 
 As brown as any bun. ) 
 
 Lord ! how the Seniors knocked about 
 
 That freshman class of one ! " 
 
 [Loud applause Mrs. Montgomery wakes up 
 and comes to the door and stands astonished] 
 
 4 They had not then the dainty things 
 
 That Prom, weeks now afford, 
 But succotash and hominy 
 
 Were smoking on the board. 
 They did not rattle round in cabs, 
 
 Or dash in long-tailed blues 
 But always on Commencement days 
 
 The tutors blacked their shoes ! " 
 
 [Loud applause again.] 
 
 Miss Swift [behind her handkerchief]. How 
 very weird ! 
 
 Mrs. Montgomery. Why, William ! You sing 
 ing ! I never heard you sing before. 
 
 Rev. Dr. Montgomery. Oh, when I m at 
 Yale, Eliza, I only feel as old as when I was a 
 student. Hark ! There strikes the Chapel bell. 
 I remember the appropriate lines of my class 
 mate Bradley : 
 
The Dawn Tea. 193 
 
 {Recites feelingly amid deep silence when the 
 first bell rings.~\ 
 
 " T is the hour for deep contrition, 
 T is the hour for peaceful thought, 
 T is the hour to win the blessing 
 In the early stillness sought. 
 Kneeling in the quiet chamber, 
 On the deck, or on the sod, 
 In the still and early morning 
 T is the hour to worship God. 
 
 " But don t stop to pray in secret, 
 No time for you to worship here, 
 The hour approaches, tempus fugit, 
 Tear your shirt, or miss a prayer, 
 Don t stop to wash, don t stop to button, 
 Go the ways your father "s trod, 
 Leg it, put it, rush it, streak it, 
 Run and worship God ! 
 
 " On the staircase stamping, tramping, 
 Bounding, sounding, crashing smashing, 
 Jumping, bumping, dancing, dashing, 
 Jarring, stubbing heel and toe 
 See your classmates chase before you 
 Through the Chapel doorway jam 
 Heavens and Earth ! the bell is stopping ! 
 Now it dies in silence damn ! ! " 
 
 \Loud applause from the men.] 
 
194 Yale Yarns. 
 
 Chorus of girls. Oh, how shocking ! that 
 last line ! 
 
 Paige. Here s to the class of Umpty- 
 one ! 
 
 Rev. Dr. Montgomery. Yes ; it numbers 
 Jones, the famous poet, and Smith, the great 
 astronomer. 
 
 Harrington \laughing aside}. Never heard 
 of either of them, did you, Jack? 
 
 Rev. Dr. Montgomery. Then there was our 
 brave Col. Jack Petterson, who gave up his life 
 for his country. Did you ever hear the story ? 
 He was suddenly surrounded at the picket line 
 by the enemy, one night. It was in Georgia. 
 They were making a secret night attack on the 
 left wing of Sherman s army. A rebel officer 
 held a sword at his breast. "If you make any 
 noise, you re a dead man ! " he whispered. 
 " I 11 run you through the body ! " Col. Jack 
 Petterson knew if he did not give the alarm of 
 the approaching enemy, Sherman s army might 
 be cut in pieces. It was a question of certain 
 death or the betrayal of ten thousand men. 
 He stepped back and shouted : " The rebels 
 are on us!" And then fell dead, pierced 
 through the heart. But the alarm was given. 
 
The 2} awn Tea. 195 
 
 The army was saved. That was one of many 
 things Yale did in the war for the Union ! 
 
 \_A short silence. ] 
 
 Little Jack. That s a dandy ! Oh, I won 
 der if it s true. Here s to Col. Jack Petterson ! 
 
 Barrington. Let me fill your cup once more, 
 Doctor ! [Pours out another cup fullJ] 
 
 Little Jack [chuckling]. Fill mine, too ! 
 
 Rev. Dr. Montgomery. No, we must be go 
 ing. [Drinks his tea quicklyJ] I never seemed 
 to care for tea before in my life. Come, my 
 dear, come, Nellie ! Come, all ! Say good 
 morning ! 
 
 Mrs. Montgomery {greatly refreshed by her 
 nap]. I hope my duties are now over for the 
 week? 
 
 Little Jack. Were they very arduous? 
 
 Mrs. Montgomery. I once took a walking 
 tour with my husband in Switzerland. . . . 
 
 Chorus of girls. Good night Great fun- 
 Awful good time ! Don t feel sleepy a bit. 
 Splendid tea ! 
 
 Miss Kitty Nelson. Never enjoyed myself 
 so much in my life ! But I shall be very glad 
 er to get Dick away from you all. I don t 
 trust you. You students are very wicked ! 
 
196 Yale Yarns. 
 
 Little Jack. Wicked ! ! 
 
 Miss Kitty. But I must say a dawn tea 
 without, ahem, something wicked, never will 
 be a success in the world ! Good morning ! 
 
 Rev. Dr. Montgomery. I feel like going home 
 and writing a sermon on the influence of tea 
 upon the moral instincts ! Good morning ! 
 
 \Exeunt the doctor, his wife, and the girls, 
 amid great laughter, while the Chapel bell rings 
 and the students jump into their ulsters and are 
 off to Battell on the run.] 
 
THE GREAT SPRINGFIELD GAME. 
 
 THE old grads. who live in and around New 
 York, and haunt the University Club, and who 
 get the athletic fever in their old bones once a 
 year, and who always have lots of advice on 
 tap but who do pretty well (as well as age will 
 permit) in supporting the Yale teams on their 
 annual appearance, have this story to tell of 
 the great game at Springfield a year ago. 
 
 Every one remembers what an exciting game 
 it was, and how hard fought it was, and how 
 the event hung in the balance through the two 
 halves and was only decided in Yale s favor by 
 a goal won at the close of the game. And 
 every one remembers, too, how terrific the bat 
 tle was, and how clearly it demonstrated that 
 full-grown men cannot play the so-called Rugby 
 game without real danger to life and limb. 
 
 A number of these old Yale grads. had ar 
 ranged, several weeks before, to charter a draw 
 ing-room car, and to stock it well with fizz and 
 
198 Yale Yarns. 
 
 a capital lunch, and they looked forward to the 
 game with great anticipations. Most of them, 
 as was their wont, had managed to get bets out 
 of Harvard grads. of fifty dollars or so enough 
 to pay expenses in case of success. 
 
 The morning of the great Saturday came, 
 and the sun rose bright, and the weather was 
 perfect. The grads. sank into their comfort 
 able pivot chairs as the train left the Grand 
 Central Depot, and swung into the tunnel with 
 the most agreeable expectations. 
 
 There were several old foot-ball players in the 
 car. Old " Popper " Hardy, " Steve " Anderson, 
 and " Billy " Simmons. They were the ex-heroes 
 of hard-fought games in their day and genera 
 tion, and had sunk into the innocuous desue 
 tude of private life, after their four years of 
 public recognition and celebrity, not without 
 some real regret. But the great game brought 
 most of them out of their holes, and at Spring 
 field you could generally tell the old players by 
 their extra official excitement and their intense, 
 feverish interest in every play made. They 
 were " in the game " from start to finish. 
 There were other ex-backers of the team, too ; 
 busy lawyers, doctors, business men, now, who 
 
The Great Springfield Game. 199 
 
 once went up with the gang from New Haven, 
 and shouted themselves hoarse with the Aris- 
 tophanian cry of their day. Life had been 
 gentle and easy with most of them, they were 
 " doing fairly well," and generally had a little 
 spare cash to put on the Yale team every 
 year. 
 
 Among these were Dr. Trunnion, Pete Jones, 
 a Virginian, Sam Callendar, Charley Macy, 
 Harry Whalley, and some other good fellows. 
 
 They talked together of old times and the 
 glorious record of Yale, and what an extraordi 
 nary thing it was that time and age did not 
 seem to wither nor custom stale their old en 
 thusiasm, and how they enjoyed the foot-ball 
 games now even more than ever before, although 
 they understood them less. 
 
 " Why," said Dr. Trunnion, a fat-faced, jolly 
 old grad. of the class of Umpty-one, " I really 
 think I could n t miss a Springfield game now 
 for love or money. It s got to be an annual 
 thing with me. I tell my wife that unless I m 
 present our boys would n t win. I m a sort of 
 mascot, you see." 
 
 " I sometimes willingly let all the ball games 
 and the race go," said Sam Callendar, " but I 
 
2OO Yale Yarns. 
 
 can t miss the Harvard game at Springfield. 
 It s the most exciting of all, by all odds." 
 
 " Yes, and it s the first big game of the 
 year," said Whalley, " and you see the new 
 tricks brought out, and the field is the best 
 in America, and, the day is always clear, 
 and, I would n t miss it for ducats." 
 
 " Oh, no," chimed in Pete Jones, a splendid 
 specimen of Virginia manhood. " I myself 
 ought to have gone on to Washington to-day, 
 may lose a thousand dollars by coming up, 
 but I would n t miss seeing Harvard downed 
 again for all the law business in the country." 
 
 Thereupon, pour passer le temps, as Macy 
 suggested, they opened a bottle. 
 
 Popper Hardy joined them, and roused the 
 enthusiasm for their Alma Mater to almost 
 a fighting pitch by describing one of the old- 
 time hard-fought foot-ball games down at the 
 old polo grounds on One Hundred and Tenth 
 street, in New York. 
 
 " There s one thing," said Dr. Trunnion, with 
 a sagacious shake of his wise old head, " they 
 would n t do so well if it were not for us old 
 grads. We follow up the games, and keep them 
 at it year to year," 
 
The Great Springfield Game. 201 
 
 Then they drank toasts to the old grads. and 
 to Yale, and to the success of the blue. 
 
 As the train swung along past Stamford a 
 " little game " was suggested to fill up the time, 
 and they went into the smoking compartment, 
 and the .good-natured colored porter set up a 
 table. 
 
 They used matches for chips, and presently 
 the little game began to grow interesting. 
 Every one was smoking ; every one had his hat 
 on the back of his head ; every one was silent. 
 Dr. Trunnion was doing the winning and seemed 
 to have a comfortable monopoly of the luck. 
 
 " Poker is a great game, if played scientifi 
 cally," he frequently remarked. 
 
 At New Haven there was a great deal of 
 demonstration going on at the station and a 
 crowd of noisy students were rah, rah-ing to 
 considerable extent. There was nearly thirty 
 dollars in the jack-pot, and Callendar had 
 opened it with a pair of queens. 
 
 " For Heaven s sake, what is all this fuss 
 about here at New Haven ? " asked Macy. 
 " Close that window, won t you, Doctor?" 
 
 The window was promptly closed and the 
 game went on. 
 
202 Yale Yarns. 
 
 They reached Springfield in due time and, 
 of course, every one else in the car got out. 
 The poker players, however, were hitting the 
 game up at that time and had put down nearly 
 a bottle of fizz apiece. 
 
 The doctor had started in to lose the pile 
 he had accumulated when the train was at New 
 Haven, and Macy was winning now in a canter. 
 Callendar was borrowing chips. Pete Jones was 
 doing a moderate amount of bluffing and hold 
 ing his pile " stiddy." Whalley was very silent, 
 but was slightly ahead of the game. The " spe 
 cial " train was side-tracked in the railroad freight 
 yard at Springfield, ready to be started back 
 after the foot-ball game was over. 
 
 All the five grads. were old poker players 
 but the matches bothered them a good deal 
 in counting, and so the porter was given five 
 dollars out of the pot, and sent out to scour 
 the city of Springfield for a stack of ivories. 
 
 He came back after awhile, with a broad grin 
 on his comely black face. 
 
 " Youse gents won t see no foot-ball game, 
 ef you don t hurry along," he said. " It s 
 pretty much after two." 
 
 But they told him they d only play one 
 
77/6? Great Springfield Game. 203 
 
 hand around and get to Hampden Park before 
 the players got fairly warmed up. 
 
 The new chips enlivened the game, and the 
 doctor secretly hoped, would change the luck 
 also. 
 
 They played another hand, and the doctor 
 won and felt greatly comforted. 
 
 Then they decided they d have a jack-pot, 
 and get out. It was half-past two. 
 
 The jack-pot went on accumulating, as jack 
 pots have a little way of doing, and it took 
 some time before Whalley opened it with a 
 pair of aces. 
 
 They all came in. Whalley drew three, the 
 doctor drew three. Pete stood pat and Callen- 
 dar and Macy two each, and the betting and 
 and bluffing began. All seemed to feel very 
 earnestly, too, that they had extraordinarily 
 goods hands. " Raise it five," or " Raise it ten," 
 were the only expressions used for some time. 
 Finally Pete counted out all the chips he had 
 on the table, about fifty-five dollars worth, 
 and it came to be a question of staying in or 
 going out and losing what each had put in. 
 Whalley went down in his pockets and 
 " coughed up," as he said, enough to call. 
 
204 Yale Yarns. 
 
 The doctor came in and saw them. Macy 
 went out in disgust, and on showing up, it was 
 found that Pete held three nines and scooped 
 the pot. 
 
 They could n t let Pete win all the cash 
 around the table and they concluded to have 
 one more jack and quit. 
 
 After considerable delay, the cards were 
 not running high, Pete dealt a pair of aces to 
 Macy and he opened at twenty-five. Every one 
 came in and drew cards and the pot went to 
 the doctor on a full hand, jacks and threes. 
 He netted nearly two hundred dollars. 
 
 It was then nearly three, and Macy said as it 
 was hardly worth while to try and see the end 
 of the first half, they d have plenty of time for 
 another jack-pot. So they played another, as 
 men will do, fascinated by the enticing game, 
 and then another and another until it began to 
 grow dark. 
 
 The luck had varied a good deal and Macy 
 was now ahead and only Whalley was " out " 
 to any very great extent. As Whalley was in 
 excellent circumstances and had recently made 
 a heavy fee in a corporation case, he was in no 
 hurry to stop, feeling the old gambler s fever 
 
The Great Springfield Game. 205 
 
 to get even in the way he d got " out." The 
 game went on steadily and presently they be 
 gan to hear excited voices outside the car. 
 Then some one burst in on them and shouted : 
 
 " By Jove ! I 11 be d d ! You re a nice 
 
 set of Yale men, you are ! " 
 
 Keep quiet, won t you ? " said the doctor, 
 angrily. 
 
 " Don t you care to hear who s won ? " asked 
 the new-comer. 
 
 " I 11 open it with a pair of jacks," said Cal- 
 lendar, with the monotonous voice of the steady 
 player. 
 
 " You d sit here, you five, and see your 
 old college beaten twenty to nothing! " 
 groaned the new-comer, a more recent grad. 
 than they. " You re a nice set, you are ! " 
 and he left disgusted. 
 
 " Beaten ?" said Pete. " Glad we weren t 
 there ! " and they all laughed. 
 
 " Raise you ten," said Whalley. 
 
 " See it, and raise five," said Pete. 
 
 And so the game went on. 
 
 Then more got on the car, shouting, singing, 
 and happy with victory. 
 
 " Gad ! you fellows have got back to your 
 
2o6 Yale Yarns. 
 
 game here mighty quick ! " said one, as he lit 
 a cigar. " Was n t it grand to have made that 
 last goal ! " 
 
 "Ante up, Pete ! " called Whalley, who had 
 begun to win again. 
 
 " Yale, Yale ! Rah ! Rah ! Rah ! " 
 
 And then the crowd surged in and broke up 
 the game. Men were laughing and crying. 
 Men and girls waving blue flags got in the 
 wrong car, it did n t matter, Yale had won ! 
 Every one wanted some fizz at once, to drink 
 to Yale, Yale, Yale forever ! And the train 
 started, and there was nothing but noise and 
 enthusiasm henceforth all the way to New 
 York. 
 
 Pete, turning to Callendar, said, laughing, 
 
 " Say, Cal, this yere foot-ball fever is a d d 
 
 nuisance, is n t it?" \He was in a cool thou 
 sand^} 
 
 " No," said Callendar, ruefully \_Jie was out 
 about one hundred and ninety dollars}. " I 
 
 think we have been a set of d d fools, 
 
 Pete." 
 
 Whalley, the " Dock," and Macy each swore 
 it was the last game of poker they d play for a 
 week of Sundays. 
 
The Great Springfield Game. 207 
 
 Up at one end of the car, Judge Holler of 
 52, was up on a chair for a speech, and there 
 was silence. 
 
 " All credit to our brave eleven who won us 
 the game," he cried. " But remember that we 
 old grads. had something to do with it. It was 
 our enthusiasm, our money, our backing that 
 helped to win that terrible game. It was be 
 cause we men of New York put aside our busi 
 ness, and came up here to Springfield to cheer 
 on our boys, [" Hear ! Hear!" shouted Pete 
 
 Jones] that helped to win ! " and so forth, 
 
 and so forth, and there was more rah, rah-ing 
 and more popping of corks. No one shouted 
 louder or applauded harder than the poker 
 fiends. In the excitement of victory they es 
 caped the penalty of their misdeeds. 
 
 And so the poker enthusiasts each agreed to 
 keep the great Springfield game very quiet, 
 and they hoped nothing would be said about 
 it. But somehow it has all leaked out, and 
 they say they gave a dinner to the eleven after 
 the Princeton game, at the club, by way of 
 satisfying their reproving consciences. 
 
IN THE TOILS OF THE ENEMY. 
 
 " LITTLE JACK " HORNER had been on to 
 Cambridge over Sunday, visiting his old An- 
 dover chum, and a number of his friends gath 
 ered in his room in Lawrance the night he 
 arrived, to hear the. latest news of the Harvard 
 nine and crew. 
 
 There was a Freshman present, a brother of 
 Little Jack s chum, Keith, and the little chap 
 enlarged some of his story probably, to fit 
 young Keith s youthful imagination. 
 
 " You know they ve changed the Latin 
 motto on their University seal now to an English 
 one," he said gravely. " It used to be Christo 
 et Ecclesice Veritas] a very pretty motto. It 
 is now in English, To h 1 with Yale ! 
 
 The Freshman grinned, but was silent. 
 
 "And I found out how they have been win 
 ning the annual debate right along, too." 
 
 " How is that ? " 
 
 " They have rung in professionals on us." 
 208 
 
Li the Toils of tJie Enemy. 209 
 
 " Oh, come off ! " 
 
 " Fact, I assure you, as they say on the 
 stage. They have raised a fund of ten thousand 
 dollars and have hunted up professional de 
 baters; two of them are distinguished ex-prize 
 fighters, and they are taking a course in the 
 Harvard Dental School. Oh, it s all wrong, 
 and should be stopped. But of course, any 
 thing to beat Yale/ They have men out all 
 through the West hunting up new debaters, 
 and they say up there now, that their best 
 men don t care to go in for athletics, and that 
 chess and debating are intellectual pursuits, 
 and that Yale is way behind the times. Gad ! 
 I don t know but they are right. But we Ve 
 got to win a debate soon, or something will hap 
 pen The talkers are all tending to Harvard 
 
 now as it is. They can out-talk us two to one ! " 
 
 " How about the crew ? " 
 
 " Oh, the crew well, the word was passed 
 around, I suppose, that I was on to get a line 
 on them, and so they put up a job. As an ex- 
 cox, of a winning Yale eight, they treated me 
 very white, and took me all over the boat-house, 
 and showed me everything. They are a smooth 
 set of men, this year s crew, and know their 
 
2 1 o Yale Yarns. 
 
 business. It was their hour of practice, so they 
 got into their boat and rowed up the river, 
 then turned and went down, very fast." 
 
 " Well, how was it ? " 
 
 Little Jack began to laugh. " I never saw 
 anything quite like it. Every man rowed a 
 stroke of his own. Every one was pulling out 
 of the boat, and the crew was made up of the 
 queerest assorted sizes you ever saw. Right in 
 the waist they had a man not much over five 
 feet high, and next to him was a seven-footer, 
 (number five). Bow was too fat for a boat, in 
 my judgment; he must have weighed two hun 
 dred and fifty pounds. Every one was serious 
 about it, but if that was the H. U. Varsity 
 crew, why 
 
 "It was a fake crew, Jack." 
 
 " Perhaps it was, but it was all I could do 
 to keep from laughing. They politely asked 
 
 me to criticize the crew. But it was so d d 
 
 bad I could n t. Then they got me to put on 
 a sweater and got me out to cox a scrub crew, 
 and they splashed me so much, I feel wet yet ! 
 Then we all went over to the Pore. Club and 
 had unlimited fizz, and I sang a song by re 
 quest, and they got me to telling yarns, and 
 
Li the Toils of tlie Enemy. 2 1 1 
 
 one of the chappies called on me for my Great 
 American Pie Story and I gave em that and 
 told them how I was run over by a funeral in 
 Philadelphia, and then, midst loud and contin 
 ued applause, I gave them this. It happened 
 in New London last year and I never told it to 
 a soul before, but as it was a good horse on me, 
 I told it then to the Harvards and you fel 
 lows shall have it too. 
 
 " You see I knew some of those dear Harvard 
 boys almost as well as I know you and Bob. 
 Fales and Jack Rattleton and Dick Eaton and 
 Holworthy and Stoughton were all Andover 
 men, and when I took my aunt and sister to 
 the Pequot, I found the gang all there, but 
 without a cent for betting purposes, in the 
 usual Harvard style. Some had sailed down 
 in yachts, some had cat-boats, and the night 
 before the race, they celebrated a good deal, in 
 the usual Harvard way. 
 
 " They helped smash in the bar and then 
 undertook to play horse with me and tossed 
 me around a bit, on the lawn in front of the 
 Pequot, and they got me to sing, and we all 
 sang, and we all went to bed pretty well sprung 
 that night, to my deep regret. 
 
212 Yale Yarns. 
 
 " The hotel was crowded, and my aunt and 
 sister had a room just opposite to mine on the 
 top floor. Some of the Harvard men had a 
 room next to mine and I foolishly unbolted the 
 door between. Well, there was more horse 
 play and foolishness up to about three o clock 
 A.M. and then things quieted down, and when 
 I woke up it was broad daylight and I was 
 utterly alone. 
 
 " The race was to be at eleven o clock. I 
 jumped out of bed and looked at my watch on 
 the bureau, it was nearly ten ! I felt rather 
 seedy and stumbled about looking for my 
 clothes, Gad ! my valise and everything was 
 gone ! I rang the bell, but in the excitement 
 downstairs, I suppose, no one answered it. I 
 looked in the next room. I looked out in the 
 hall, there was n t a soul in sight. My aunt 
 and sister were not in their room. (I supposed 
 they would give me an awful lecture when I 
 saw them.) I opened the window and looked 
 out. Crowds of people were walking toward 
 the wharf to take the boat to the race. 
 
 " What was I to do? Those Harvard friends 
 of mine thought it a good joke on me, I sup 
 pose, to steal my clothes and take themselves 
 
In the Toils of the Enemy. 2 \ 3 
 
 off to the race without waking me up. I tried 
 to call a chambermaid, but there was n t one in 
 sight, and I don t know what I should have 
 done in my anguish, when, thank the Lord, I 
 heard a tap at my door, and went to it 
 
 " Will, do hurry ! It was my sister s voice. 
 * Aunt won t go to the race, please hurry ! 
 We 11 have to go without her. 
 
 " They Ve stolen all my clothes, Molly, 
 those Harvard fellows 
 
 " Have n t you anything ? she asked 
 
 through the keyhole. 
 
 " Not a thing, dear. I m posing in the " al 
 together " ! 
 
 " Oh, Will! it s a just punishment to you 
 after last night ! The noise was dreadful ! 
 
 " Perhaps it is, I said, But don t preach 
 now, sister dear get me something to put on. 
 I want to see the race 
 
 " * I have n t anything, except some dresses, 
 and one of Aunt s. 
 
 " Get me Aunt Sarah s black silk, I cried, 
 I have n t seen " Charlie s Aunt " for nothing ! 
 I 11 wear anything rather than not see the race ! 
 and it s half past ten nearly now. 
 
 " Well, Molly had seen Charlie s Aunt too, 
 
2 1 4 Yale Yarns. 
 
 and she laughed and caught on to the idea in 
 great shape. She flung me my aunt s dress 
 and a lace cap and bonnet. I put em on over 
 my pajams, and in five minutes I looked very 
 much like an old lady, out for the sights. My 
 face was pale and slightly yellow after the 
 previous night s entertainment, and I worked 
 burnt match lines around my eyes in good old 
 Psi U. theatrical style, and then in case of 
 emergency, I had a veil. 
 
 " Molly was quick-witted and got me out of 
 the Pequot the back way, and we hurried down 
 to the wharf without any one suspecting me. 
 But there, alas, ( how I swore to myself ! ) we 
 found the boat had gone ! But, as luck would 
 have it, one of Molly s school friends, with a 
 lot of girls and Harvard men, whom we did n t 
 know, were going to see the race on a private 
 steam yacht, and were waiting for their chap 
 erons to come along from the hotel. Molly 
 talked with her friend, and introduced me. I 
 played my part of Charlie s Aunt in great 
 shape, and they asked me if I would be willing 
 to chaperon the crowd ? Well, / was willing, 
 you can better believe ! for it was late and I 
 wanted to see the race the worst way. 
 
In the Toils of the Enemy. 2 \ 5 
 
 "The Harvard men got us all in their launch 
 as quickly as possible, and, by Jupiter Omnes ! 
 we got aboard the yacht and crowded on all 
 steam and started off for New London just as 
 the real chaperons, the mothers of two of 
 the lads, put in an appearance on the Pequot 
 wharf ! They waved and waved and shouted, 
 but not a whit did we care. We weren t going 
 to put back. Young Graham of Harvard 
 shouted * Very sorry. Take the trolley ! and 
 off we sped at a twenty-mile gait for up the 
 river. I could n t ask for any better treatment 
 than I received, and my sister Molly stuck 
 close to me to help me out in case I got into 
 any trouble. They gave me the most comfor 
 table seat in the boat under an awning in the 
 stern, and when I said the water was apt to 
 make me ill, and asked for clam broth (There 
 is nothing like clam broth after a bat, boys), 
 the steward brought me some of the best I 
 ever tasted. It went to the right spot, I can 
 tell you ! And on that I ate a few crackers 
 and toyed with some pate de fois gras, and the 
 sea air and all revived my drooping spirits in 
 great shape. 
 
 " * Was n t it lucky Aunt Sarah had a head- 
 
2 1 6 Yale Yarns. 
 
 ache and could n t go ! whispered Molly, as we 
 sped along past Fort Hale. 
 
 " Yes, indeed, and was n t it lucky to get on 
 this yacht? 
 
 " Molly presented all the girls one by one. 
 They were all good enough looking, were it not 
 for the unpleasantly trying colored ribbons 
 they wore. Several of them kissed me. Gad ! 
 Just what they did to Charlie s Aunt ! I said 
 to myself. But I did n t enjoy it at all, because 
 I was * all of a tremmer, as Caddy Wilson says, 
 lest they should get on to my fake disguise. I 
 pretended to be a little seasick, and retired to 
 the cabin, and lay down and got away from them, 
 and every one went up forward on the bow. 
 
 " Steward, I said, I feel the need of a little 
 trifle of stimulant. 
 
 " * Brandy, ma am ? he asked respectfully. 
 
 " N-no, make me a Manhattan cocktail/ 
 
 " Oh, very well, ma am, he said rather sur 
 prised. 
 
 " He was more surprised when I asked him 
 for a second ; but he did n t peep ! 
 
 " Then Molly came down and said, Aunt, 
 dear, we are going under the bridge now, won t 
 you come out on deck ? 
 
In the Toils of tJie Enemy. 2 1 7 
 
 " I m afraid of being indecorous, I said, and 
 she frowned at me. 
 
 " I shall be delighted, my dear, I said, and 
 she whispered, * Now, Will, 1/0 be careful ! Don t 
 begin to shout rah, rah, rah, when you catch 
 sight of the crew, and don t offer to bet. 
 
 * Oh, trust me, I laughed. * I Ve seen 
 " Charlie s Aunt " three times, and have acted on 
 the Psi U. stage as the ingenue from Squash- 
 town. Just get on to my curves ! 
 
 " Molly nearly had a fit ! 
 
 " Well, I went out on deck, and they placed 
 my chair in the bow, in the best possible place 
 to see, and put a footstool under my feet. Fel 
 lows, I tried my best to be calm and easy, but 
 the air, and the sight of the yachts, and the 
 clam-broth, and the cocktails, and the thunder 
 ing excitement I always felt, and always shall 
 feel, as a patriotic son of Eli, just before a race 
 at New London What chap can help giving a 
 yell as the Varsity slips out across the river 
 with that perfect, smooth, equal, beautiful 
 stroke? and I know, for I ve been there, they 
 put on a little extra finish, the pharisees, 
 as they came into the line, just as a thor 
 oughbred race-horse will prance and dance, 
 
2 1 8 Yale Yarns. 
 
 and feel the keen delight of it all, as he goes to 
 the post. And there, boys, were four of my old 
 crew the Dwarf, how his muscles shone that 
 day ! Oh, the Dwarf is a whole crew just in 
 himself: handsome as a picture, strong as an 
 ox, calm and confident as as a New Haven 
 oyster ! You cant lose with the Dwarf in the 
 boat. And for me to sit there in my aunt s 
 dress and see him, and Sawyer, and Bliss, and 
 Parrish, four of my old crew, and not yell ! 
 and not get up and let em know their old cox , 
 Little Jack, was there with his eye on em ! 
 and with em just the same as if he was in the 
 boat, and rooting for em well, it was mad 
 ness ! Boys, the tears rolled down my cheeks, 
 I was so excited, and I had to suppress it, and 
 my sister said it was the bright sunlight and 
 made me put up a parasol ! And when she gave 
 it to me she was trembling like a leaf. 
 
 " And then out came Harvard in very good 
 style, too, and lined up alongside, and there was 
 
 but a little delay, and then they were off ! 
 
 Harvard jumped away with the lead, but it 
 did n t last long, and Yale slowly walked up. 
 Well, when Yale forged a foot or two ahead, 
 I could stand it no longer. I jumped up on 
 
In the Toils of the Enemy. 2 \ 9 
 
 my chair and yelled, Yale, Yale, Yale, 
 Brekity Kex, coax, coax, got em again- 
 got em again ! Paraboloo, Ya-ale ! ! Then 
 I sat down in a hurry, and you ought to have 
 seen my Harvard friends ! You know what a 
 voice I Ve got, developed by coaching, it 
 reached across the river, and the Dwarf heard 
 it and I could see his old jaws grin with delight, 
 and you chaps on the moving grand stand 
 heard it and yelled back, and things became 
 quiet again until the last quarter mile, for Yale 
 was gaining every stroke, and it was another 
 dead cinch ! 
 
 " But consternation reigned on our yacht ! 
 Not only on account of the race, but on ac 
 count of me. My sister said it was only a par 
 oxysm, whatever that was and she pinched 
 my arm, pretending to soothe me, until I nearly 
 yelled again ! She pulled the shawl close 
 around my neck, and stuck a hat-pin into me, 
 and with it all I could see she was half fright 
 ened, half convulsed with laughter. 
 
 " Your aunt seems quite disposed to give 
 vent to her enthusiasm, said Paton, the owner 
 of the yacht, one of the Harvard men, to my 
 sister. But I hope you will persuade her as 
 
22O Yale Yarns. 
 
 this is a Harvard yacht we would prefer not 
 to encourage Yale. 
 
 " She has a nephew there now at Yale, said 
 Molly. He was coxswain of the crew two 
 years ago. I suppose she feels unusual inter 
 est. And Molly bit her lip. 
 
 " I think I never heard such a shrill cry, 
 said another Harvard man ; I fancy your aunt 
 must have been in great pain. 
 
 " She has not been well for a long time/ 
 said my sister, sadly. 
 
 " Nothing serious ? asked another Harvard 
 man. 
 
 " I am sorry to say that we were obliged, 
 er it is very embarrassing a private asy 
 lum, you know. 
 
 " * Oh, I m very sorry. 
 
 " Meanwhile I was rocking to and fro in my 
 chair, my head bent down mostly to my knees 
 with laughing, and pleased to death to see 
 the crew half a mile or so in advance. I was 
 meditating, too, on the character of my aunt, 
 whether, being a confessed ex-lunatic, it would 
 not be exactly becoming in me to give vent to 
 a little more encouragement to the crew. On 
 the whole, however, I realized that they were 
 
In the Toils of the Enemy. 221 
 
 so far in advance that it could really make no 
 difference, and subsided and watched the pro 
 ceedings in silence. 
 
 " Our yacht, the Fairy, steamed along behind 
 the crowded press boat and the referees boat, 
 and the yachts were booming their cannon, and 
 Yale blue was everywhere, and every one aboard 
 the Fairy, except my sister, who kept silent, 
 was saying, * This is too monotonous ! And 
 then we came up alongside of our crew, who 
 were resting on their oars, just under the great 
 railroad bridge, and a Harvard man leaned 
 down and made my blood run cold by calmly 
 whispering in my ear, * Yell all you want to, 
 Eli, we Ve a plan to " do " you up later, and you 
 may as well have all the fun you can out of it 
 now ! 
 
 " So I thanked him, and stood up, and 
 yelled ! I gave em the rebel yell, \Vhah-o-o-o- 
 Yale ! three times, and I saw old Dwarf laugh 
 with the rest of the crew, and the Harvard men 
 who were on to me, looked solemn but pre 
 tended that they thought it all right You see 
 of course they did n t want their girls to know." 
 
 " Going back down the harbor-to the Pequot, 
 they set up a handsome lunch on board, and 
 
222 Yale Yarns. 
 
 as I knew the jig was up and something bad 
 was in store for me [/ didn t tell my sister this^\ 
 I allowed myself plenty of fizz, to quiet my 
 nerves. Then you know my failing ; I began 
 to get garrulous and talkative, and talked out 
 everything I had in my head, and coming from 
 a queer old lady, it must have seemed ridicu 
 lous to those girls. I heard one of them, a 
 Boston beaut confide in a friend that she 
 had never seen such a crazy old fright in 
 her life. Here s a specimen of a few of the 
 silly things I remember I said in my character 
 of chaperon ! 
 
 " Just leave me enough fizz, girls, and you 
 can have just as good a time as you want. You 
 can t shock me with anything you do. 
 
 "You ought to have seen the indignation 
 with which the Boston girl drew herself up 
 after that ! 
 
 " * I am sure she is nothing but a disgusting, 
 vulgar creature, I heard her say. 
 
 " The Yale crew knew how to row and you 
 did n t, I said to a Harvard man. And the 
 reason is they never use foreign champageny 
 water. 
 
 " The Harvard man expressed polite acquies- 
 
In the Toils of the Enemy. 223 
 
 cence, and turned away. So I tried to talk to 
 the girls. 
 
 " Girls/ I said, * when I was at Vassar, I 
 was on the crew, and we had a hummer. I 
 think we made a mile in ten minutes. We used 
 to race the Hudson River boats. Lots of fun ! 
 
 4< The girls looked at me more in sorrow than 
 in anger. They believed I was deranged ! 
 
 " When they got back to the Pequot, as I 
 was the last one to step into the launch, to go 
 ashore, Gad ! a Harvard man quietly gave me 
 a sudden jerk, and over I went, head first into 
 the water. My sister gave a scream, but they 
 pretended they did n t notice anything, and the 
 naphtha launch sputtered off ashore leaving me 
 to clamber up the shiny white sides of the 
 Fairy, swim ashore, or go down and see the 
 oysters below. The sailors aboard the yacht 
 looked over the side and grinned at me. In 
 deed, I must have been a healthy looking ob 
 ject ! My honnet came off in the water and, 
 with a curse at them for not throwing me a 
 rope, off I started for shore, and it happened 
 the nearest shore was the Fort Griswold or 
 Eastern side. But at the moment I did n t 
 care much what shore it was, provided it was 
 
224 Yale Yarns. 
 
 shore. I was used to the water, but it was 
 deuced cold out there at the mouth of the 
 harbor, and the waves were pretty high, too. I 
 was glad enough to hear a familiar voice call 
 out to me, after a few minutes swim, Hello, 
 Jack, is that you ? It was Boots Paige and a 
 lot of people on the Osprey, and they picked 
 me up. 
 
 " They said. Well, where in thunder did 
 you come from ? And what in creation are 
 you doing in that rig ? 
 
 " I told them I was out for a swim in a hired 
 bathing suit, and you d laugh they thought 
 it was all right! You see, when my aunt s 
 dress got soaked in the water, it looked very 
 much like an old bathing dress, and every one 
 was so excited over the race it made little 
 difference. 
 
 " Well, they put me ashore at the Pequot 
 and I sneaked around and got in through the 
 back of the hotel and slipped up to my room 
 and got into bed, for I did n t know exactly 
 what else to do and waited for something to 
 happen ! 
 
 " Presently, I heard a thundering knocking 
 and I threw my wet dress under the bed and 
 
In the Toils of the Enemy. 225 
 
 pretended to be asleep. Then Stoughton and 
 Hohvorthy burst in on me, and Hoi. said, He s 
 
 been asleep all through the race, the d d 
 
 little fool ! 
 
 " * It was a confounded low trick, said Stough 
 ton. * Let s wake him up and tell him Harvard 
 won, and then give him a d d good dinner 
 to pay for it. 
 
 " So they shook me, and I woke up slowly 
 and rubbed my eyes. 
 
 " Is it time to get up, fellows ? I asked. 
 
 " Pretty near, said Hohvorthy, laughing, and 
 fetching in my clothes on the quiet from his 
 trunk, where he d locked em up. 
 
 " Why, it s late ! I gasped, springing out 
 of bed. You re all dressed ! What a time 
 we had last night, I must have slept like a 
 log! 
 
 " I hurriedly dressed myself and kept talking 
 about the race, and the sure thing Harvard 
 had, and giving them the biggest sort of a bluff 
 to bet with me. But they seemed sort of low- 
 spirited, and finally Holworthy said, I feel 
 just as if the whole thing was over and Yale 
 had won the race, as usual. 
 
 " * So do I, groaned Stoughton yawning. 
 
226 Yale Yarns. 
 
 " Now, I 11 tell you what I 11 do/ I said, I 
 don t see how we can win ; I understand one 
 of our men has a felon on his hand 
 
 " * Your whole crew is a set of felons ! 
 laughed Holvvorthy, dismally. 
 
 " * Then our boat is warped way out of shape, 
 I said. And they say it s cranky. I don t 
 see how we can have the ghost of a show. 
 Whereas it s a beauty the Harvard crew. 
 
 " Stoughton made a wry face. It was nuts 
 to me to rub it in ! 
 
 " The Harvard crew is acknowledged by 
 every one to be the best the Crimson has had 
 for ten years. Of course, I expect to give odds. 
 How would five to one suit you ? 
 
 " Stoughton thought the odds fair, but 
 * did n t know. 
 
 " Well, I 11 give you a hundred to twenty 
 Yale wins the race ! Even the most died-in- 
 the-wool Harvard man on earth must, for the 
 sake of his college, accept such odds. 
 
 " * I m not betting this year, yawned Hoi- 
 worthy. 
 
 " Well, I 11 bet you two hundred to twenty, 
 Stoughton, Yale wins the race this year. Come 
 
 $=> 
 now ! 
 
In the Toils of the Enemy. 227 
 
 " Stoughton said, Make that twenty dollars 
 to two, and I don t mind, for the honor of the 
 old college, and he winked at Holworthy. 
 
 " Well, I 11 bet five hundred to ten. 
 
 " Those appear to be decent odds/ said 
 Stoughton ; but you see 
 
 " What odds does Harvard want this year ? 
 I asked, pretending to be amazed. 
 
 " Well, said Stoughton, we think five hun 
 dred to a good cigar is about right ! 
 
 " And they both laughed. 
 
 "Then, as I was brushing my hair, I felt 
 fine as a fiddle after my bath, they made an 
 excuse and went down, to obtain something to 
 cheer them in defeat, I suppose. 
 
 " I went down-stairs and met my sister, who 
 told me she was relieved to see me skimming 
 along the outer edge of the bathing houses, 
 and so on up to my room, after last seeing me 
 swimming about in the water. I explained 
 how Holworthy and Stoughton had hid my 
 clothes, and she asked : 
 
 " How can you pay them off ? 
 
 " * I 11 attend to them later. Meanwhile, I 
 will try and get even with our Harvard friends 
 aboard the Fairy." 
 
228 Yale Yarns. 
 
 " Oh, they Ve just invited a large party to 
 go out for a * tea and a sail, she said, and 
 have n t asked us ! 
 
 " Very good/ I replied, and I sat down 
 and wrote a note to the mate on a sheet of 
 hotel paper, and signed it J. L. Paton, one 
 of the owners. I sent this down to the wharf, 
 where the mate was waiting with the launch, 
 by a hotel boy in buttons, and gave him a quar 
 ter to go on the dead run. Then my sister and 
 I sauntered out on the piazza, and congratu 
 lated a lot of Yale people, and in a few minutes 
 had the pleasure of seeing the Fairy crowd on 
 all steam and head up the harbor ! 
 
 " Paton and his Harvard friends, there 
 must have been twenty-five people, a lot of 
 stunning girls, too, must have been some 
 what surprised ! I sent an order to the Fairy 
 to steam at once up to Red Top, Harvard s 
 quarters, four miles up the river, and wait 
 there until Paton and party arrived ! 
 
 " They all got down on the wharf in time to 
 see the yacht steam off in great shape ! Paton 
 was in a regular blue funk ! The mate, of 
 course, thought they had concluded to go up 
 in carriages. 
 
In the Toils of the Enemy. 229 
 
 " And how did you get even \vith Hoi- 
 worthy ? " 
 
 " Never did. They gave me a great dinner 
 and all that ; but really, I had no grudge against 
 those chaps, whatever. I d had a good time, 
 saw the race under very pleasant circum 
 stances, and why, there you are ! " 
 
 " But one thing, what did your aunt say to 
 it all?" 
 
 " Oh, she had just sat out there all day at 
 the Pequot, looking on. I have had all the 
 racing 7 needed/ she said, watching the stu 
 dents and their girl friends racing up and down 
 the piazza ! " 
 
AN HYPNOTIC SEANCE. 
 
 AT the Barrington s, one night in August, the 
 following proceedings took place, as narrated 
 by Billy Scot, over several mugs of beer, in 
 his room in Lawrance, to a number of fellows 
 gathered there, and after he had made them an 
 excellent rarebit, and set up some capital pdtt 
 de fois gras. 
 
 The story was told a propos of a certain 
 learned Professor Dribble, (mathematics) who 
 had just conditioned " Little Jack" Horner in 
 Conic Sections, and against whom poor Little 
 Jack had been humorously (and otherwise) 
 animadverting all the evening, in more or less 
 terse and emphatic language. 
 
 " To ease your mind, Jack," said Scot, " I 11 
 tell you of the grind on Drib/ which we played 
 on him down at Sands Point, last August. He 
 is n t infallible, and it s possible that he s 
 made a mistake in your stand, though you 
 can t get him to admit it. lie was there at 
 230 
 
An Hypnotic Seance. 231 
 
 the hotel with his solemn wife and son, and, as 
 he knew old Mr. Barrington, he came over to 
 call one evening. We found him there when we 
 all got back from sailing. There were " Great s " 
 three sisters, a Miss Standish, a beaut a Miss 
 Hallows, of New York, and " Boots " Paige, 
 Great, and myself; Oh! I forgot Mrs. Bar 
 rington, who is the champion chaperon of 
 America, deaf and not inclined to talk, and a 
 great sleeper. She holds the state record of en 
 gagements of couples directly under her charge. 
 I forget how many, twenty-seven, I think. 
 Well, we got back and found the Professor 
 there, and Great and I thought it was an ex 
 cellent opportunity to get even for several past 
 little amenities, he and I never got on well 
 since he forced me to hand him up a paper I 
 happened to have in my hand, at the board, 
 one day in Freshman year. He was so certain 
 sure it was a skinning paper ! I gave it to him, 
 and, poor old chap, he had to read this 
 wretched doggerel : 
 
 " There was an old prof, named Dribble, 
 Who taught us to cipher and scribble, 
 We know that he drinks 
 Ice water and thinks 
 As a psychical crank He s a dibble ! 
 
232 Yale Yarns. 
 
 " He is an hypnotic crank, you know, and 
 he tried to hypnotize me after recitation that 
 day when he called me up ; but I pretended I 
 did n t know what was on the paper and that 
 I d just picked it up from the floor, and he 
 did n t get on to what was going on in my 
 mind. * Nay, nay Pauline ! If he had, he d 
 been more disgusted than ever ! 
 
 " Well, rcvcnons a nos muttons, as they say in 
 Paree. We went in and introduced him all 
 around to all the girls and coached Miss Leila 
 Barrington to ask him if he was not a member 
 of the Boston Society of Psychical Research ? 
 and to say that she had often heard of his 
 hypnotic power. She asked on her own ac 
 count, would he use his strange power to com 
 pel a favorable or an unfavorable answer to a 
 question in class room ? He answered, I re 
 member his exact words, I try to be absolutely 
 and strictly impartial in the class room, Miss 
 Leila " 
 
 " He impartial ! every one knows the old fel 
 low has his favorites, and does his best to help 
 them over hard places ! " put in Little Jack. 
 
 " * Of course, generally ! said Miss Leila. 
 Awfully clever girl, Leila Barrington. 
 
An Hypnotic Seance. 233 
 
 " But, if a student was very low in his 
 stand, would you not hypnotize him into giv 
 ing the right answer, to help him out ? Say he 
 was near being dropped for low stand ? 
 
 " Well, hardly, I should hope not ! 
 
 " Professor, I think you might she said. 
 
 " No, not on your life you would n t ! sang 
 out Boots Paige, after which there was a little 
 pause, in fact, a dead silence. 
 
 " Professor Dribble, said Great, we all 
 have a great interest in mind reading, and hyp 
 notism. We tried an experiment the other 
 morning, and owing to the wonderful talent of 
 Miss Standish, (here Miss Standish giggled) we 
 precipitated a really remarkable case of mind 
 transference, telepathy you call it, do you not ? 
 
 " Ah, indeed ? asked Professor Dribble, 
 stroking his grizzle beard, and very much in 
 terested. Yes, we call some instances tele 
 pathy. 
 
 " Suppose we repeat the experiment now/ 
 I said, for the professor s benefit. 
 
 " The girls, not knowing exactly what we 
 were going to do, gave a grudging sort of as 
 sent, fearing that the professor would discover 
 the joke. 
 
234 Yale Yarns. 
 
 " Would you like to have the experiment 
 tried ? asked Miss Leila, going up to the pro 
 fessor very demurely. 
 
 " Oh, very much, yes, indeed. Anything 
 new is just so far an addition to our human 
 knowledge on this occult subject. Really, it 
 will gratify me very much/ 
 
 " * Well then, Professor, will you go out into 
 the hall, and I will close the door, I said, at the 
 same time cautioning him not to listen. You 
 won t try to deceive us, will you ? 
 
 " * Certainly not ! he said, and out he went. 
 
 " When the door was shut, the girls were all 
 in a panic. They were afraid of him, you see. 
 He looked very fierce and earnest. 
 
 " Why, he s easy fruit, said Great, laughing. 
 
 " Now, then, I 11 call him in and tell him 
 that we will join hands, and he must take yours, 
 Miss Standish, for I told him and he believes 
 you are the arch high-priestess of witch-craft 
 among us, and full of electricity. 
 
 " Oh, I m too frightened ! she exclaimed, 
 laughing. 
 
 " Why, it s nothing. Let me explain. It s 
 an old gag. We 11 all sit down in a circle, 
 holding hands ; the professor will come in. We 
 
An Hypnotic Seance. 235 
 
 are supposed to choose a word, anything, and 
 he is supposed to read it through our hands, 
 see ? Now, I will say to him, * Speak out, Pro 
 fessor, the first phrase or word that distinctly 
 occurs to your mind. Then suppose he says 
 the word Senegambia, we must all give a 
 shout, and say that s it ! that s it ! After 
 he has done it once or twice, I 11 go out and 
 then you must really choose a word, see ? and 
 Miss Leila, you must spell it out with your fin 
 ger on my wrist, as you hold my hand ; one for 
 A, two for B, three for C, and so forth down 
 the alphabet ; and then I 11 say it out and you 
 must shout as before. See ? 
 
 " Yes, said Miss Leila, * we see, of course, 
 but that mind-reading joke is awfully stale, 
 it s been played for ever so long ; it was a reg 
 ular game at Bar Harbor last summer. 
 
 " I don t believe the professor has ever been 
 horsed by it, said Great, Let s try it on any 
 way. 
 
 " * Why, we sold everybody we could with 
 that at Nantucket years ago, said one of the 
 Barrington girls. Of course he will know it. 
 
 " Well, we Ve got him out of the room now, 
 and must do something with him, said I. 
 
236 Yale Yarns. 
 
 " Oh, Mr. Scot, why not let him hypnotize 
 you ? said Miss Leila. 
 
 " No, he might order me to kiss every girl 
 in the room, and that would be too embarrass 
 ing ! and Scotty pretended to blush. 
 
 " Oh, let s try it on anyway ! said Great. 
 Perhaps he won t know the trick ; he may 
 never have seen it. 
 
 " So, after a good deal of discussion the circle 
 was formed and the professor brought in. 
 
 " It was very evident that he had not seen 
 the trick (common enough Heaven knows!) 
 played before. Boots turned down the gas to a 
 dim religious light and turned out the lamps, and 
 we all sat in solemn silence fully five minutes. 
 
 " * Really, said the professor, I don t feel 
 like pronouncing anything. 
 
 " * Think now, concentrate your mind, said 
 Boots, using the professor s usual dicta of the 
 class room. 
 
 " Then Professor Dribble smirked and smiled 
 with sudden great joy and came out with 
 Aliquando bonus dormitat Homer us ! 
 
 " Yes ! That s it ! that s it ! as if those 
 poor girls could remember a Latin sentence for 
 five minutes ! 
 
An Hypnotic Seance. 237 
 
 " The professor said, Oh, I m not at all as 
 tonished, the atmospheric conditions seem 
 favorable ; I congratulate you, Miss Standish, 
 you have a most delicate and unusual nervous 
 sense ; I could feel the electric current distinct 
 ly. Your hand-pressure is exceedingly delicate 
 but firm 
 
 " Barrington said, Yes she had a firm grasp 
 of the subject ! 
 
 " Miss Standish, who was a stunning pretty 
 girl, laughed and blushed, and we all said, Oh 
 oh oh ! however could you do it ! and the 
 girls made faces at her to her confusion. 
 
 " You see, the Professor had long been a be 
 liever in and a supporter of the most advanced 
 theories of hypnotism and mind transference, 
 and everything went with him in great shape. 
 He was quite ready to believe, which I under 
 stand is a necessary condition to be in, in all of 
 these occult mysteries. He was ready to be 
 lieve anything, for the old well-worn trick had 
 never been played on him before. 
 
 "The girls laughed and giggled and enjoyed 
 it immensely, and old Mr. Barrington came in 
 and we told him the joke, and he laughed 
 louder than the rest, and the professor never 
 
238 Yale Yarns. 
 
 caught on. We went in and horsed him to his 
 bent. 
 
 " He went out of the room again and this 
 time he announced the phrase Enthusiasm is 
 a waste of energy, and we all waved our hand 
 kerchiefs and shouted as before. The profes 
 sor was quite carried away, and took careful 
 notes of all that happened. 
 
 " Then I think, Paige went out, and Boots 
 acted the thing up in great shape. He seemed 
 to go into a trance and rolled up his eyes and 
 called out, * Mother, where are you ? twice, and 
 made all sorts of grimaces, and kept us in roars 
 of laughter, and then announced the word 
 * Humbug ! which was the- word Leila and 
 her brother had selected. 
 
 <f Then Great went out and came in and an 
 nounced Professor, a word which he had 
 selected, of course ; then he went out and 
 came in again and announced Badly Fooled. 
 
 " We thought sure he would catch on to this 
 but he did n t, he was so taken up with the per 
 fect thought-transfer that was taking place. 
 You see he was n t thinking of anything else. 
 Poor old chap ! 
 
 " Then we tried the Ouija game on him, and 
 
An Hypnotic Seance. 239 
 
 horsed him quite as badly in that. Oh, it was 
 great ! Drib was completely taken in, and we 
 were glad to have him get out of the house 
 without some of the girls giving it away. The 
 elder Miss Barrington began to show great 
 compunction, and we had to work it to get 
 him away." 
 
 " How did you accomplish that ? " 
 
 " Very simply. Great slipped off down cellar 
 and turned off all the gas, and I got Drib s hat 
 and cane and gently led him out, and bade him 
 good evening." 
 
 " That was certainly a very gentle hint ! " 
 
 " Well, you have to hammer old Drib ! " 
 and Scot laughed. 
 
 " And that is the last you Ye heard of 
 it?" 
 
 " Yes, except for the copy of the Psychic 
 Science Review, in which the Professor s ac 
 count of what transpired that evening is most 
 accurately set down. It is marked Case 1 12, 
 896. We bought a dozen copies and sent them 
 to all the girls." 
 
 Billy Scot took the Review out of his inside 
 pocket, and read aloud from the professor s 
 paper : 
 
1 4 Yale Yarns. 
 
 "Case No. 112, 896, in the Psychic Science 
 Review. 
 
 "On the eighteenth day of August, 189-, 
 while making a social visit on John B. Bar- 
 rington, Esq., and lady, at his country seat, at 
 Sands Point, Ct., the following actual occur 
 rences took place : 
 
 " I was invited by Mr. P., a student at Yale, 
 to join my right hand to that of a young lady, 
 Miss S., and my left to that of Miss B. A circle 
 was then formed consisting of eight persons, 
 who had previously and while I was out of the 
 room with the door shut, selected a phrase 
 which was to be communicated to me solely by 
 manual touch. 
 
 " We had been sitting in a chain for four min 
 utes, thirty-two seconds, when the phrase, Ali- 
 quando bonus dormitat Homerus forced itself 
 from my lips. It transpired that this was the 
 very phrase that was selected. I wish to call es 
 pecial attention to the facts, (i) that the phrase 
 was in the Latin tongue, (2) that no other or 
 secondary phrase was suggested, (3) that it 
 being the first test, more time was consumed 
 than in the subsequent experiments for the in 
 duction of the suggestion, (4) that no fascina- 
 
An Hypnotic Seance. 241 
 
 tion, which plays an important part in hypnosis, 
 was exercised on me by either lady, (5) that in 
 no way was hypnosis induced by means of the 
 eye. 
 
 " The next experiment resulted in my an 
 nouncing the sentence, Enthusiasm is a waste 
 of energy, which was correct. 
 
 " During the induction of this sentence, 
 which required two minutes, thirty-six seconds, 
 I inadvertently pressed the hand of Miss S., 
 who hastily withdrew her hand from mine, and 
 again resumed connection with me only on the 
 earnest entreaty of all present. I attributed 
 my sudden pressure to animal magnetism, and 
 so stated at the conclusion of the test, but this 
 seemed to be disbelieved by those present." 
 
 " A third test was then made, I announcing 
 correctly Cross as two sticks/ in a little less 
 than two minutes. 
 
 " Another gentleman, Mr. P., then left the 
 room, and in his absence we selected the word 
 Humbug. 
 
 " Mr. P., on making one of the circle, exhi 
 bited at once the extraordinary phenomena of 
 hypnosis. The lids of his eyes half closed, his 
 eyeballs turned up, exhibiting to those in the 
 
 16 
 
242 Yale Yarns. 
 
 room only the whites. His head fell back, and 
 then upon his left shoulder. After one minute 
 and forty-three seconds, he emitted groans of 
 a dismal character and breathed heavily. He 
 then announced the word * Hum, paused for 
 three minutes, and then announced the word 
 bug. On breaking the chain, Mr. P. came 
 completely to himself, but was heard to com 
 plain of the heat and to ask for his maternal 
 parent. The temperature of the room being 
 (without accurate measurement) about 84 
 Fahr. 
 
 " Young Mr. B., then, without manifestations 
 of extraordinary hypnosis, after two minutes, 
 thirty-three seconds, announced the word Pro 
 fessor, and afterwards, after three minutes, four 
 seconds, the two words Badly fooled. 
 
 " All of which I subscribe to, and desire to 
 bear witness to, over my signature and notarial 
 certificate, which see below. 
 
 " A desire for experimentalization in thought 
 transference on planchette, or, what is the same 
 toy, Ouijtty being expressed, a board was 
 promptly placed on the table, in the centre of 
 the room. 
 
 " Miss S. seated herself at the board and 
 
An Hypnotic Seance. 243 
 
 placed her hands upon the planchette. Mr. P. 
 sat opposite, and placed one hand on the board. 
 Certain questions were asked by Miss B., who 
 stood at the further end of the room, her back 
 turned. 
 
 "Question I. Of whom am I thinking? 
 
 " Answer by Ouija : Tommy Atkyns. 
 
 " Miss B. admitted this to be the correct if 
 remarkable answer. 
 
 " Question 2. Of whom am I thinking now ? 
 
 " Answer. A handsome man. 
 
 "Question 3. What does he look like? 
 
 " Answer. A bearded chimpanzee. 
 
 " Question 4. What is his name ? 
 
 " Answer. Professor Dribble. 
 
 " On Miss B. stating that the answer was in 
 correct, Ouija answered, Sometimes called 
 Fribble. 
 
 " As this was the first incorrect answer of the 
 evening, it was determined to ask in a further 
 attempt. 
 
 " Question 5. Is the spirit of George Wash 
 ington present ? 
 
 " Answer. Yes. 
 
 " Question 6. Will he speak through Ouija ? 
 
 " Answer. Perhaps. 
 
244 Yale Yarns. 
 
 Question 7. Why perhaps? 
 
 " Answer. The lady is not entirely truthful. 
 
 " Miss S. at this point abruptly retired, and 
 Miss Leila B., a sister of the interlocutor, took 
 her seat at the table. 
 
 " Question 8. Will he speak now? 
 
 " Answer. Certainly. 
 
 " Question 9. How old would you be if you 
 were now living, George ? 
 
 " Answer. Almost old enough to be your 
 grandpa, dear. 
 
 " Question 10. Are you happy where you 
 are ? 
 
 " Answer. Of course. There are no mar 
 riages in heaven. 
 
 " Of course these answers naturally afforded 
 the guests assembled considerable diversion and 
 amusement. The answers demonstrated the 
 peculiar playfulness of those in the Spirit 
 world. This has been often remarked before. 
 The interrogation of Washington continued for 
 some time in the same light vein, and then 
 the following questions were put : 
 
 Question 11. If not yourself, who would 
 you rather be? 
 
 " Answer. Professor Dribble. 
 
An Hypnotic Seance. 245 
 
 " Question 12. Why? 
 
 "Answer. Because he is a medium. 
 
 "Question 13. You mean he has extraordi 
 nary powers ? 
 
 " Answer. Extraordinary mental powers, 
 with one defect. 
 
 " Question 14. What is that ? 
 
 " Answer. He can t see through a mill-stone 
 with a hole in it. 
 
 "Question 15. You mean he is not clair 
 voyant ? 
 
 " Answer. Opaque. 
 
 "Question 16. What must he do to be 
 clairvoyant ? 
 
 " Answer. Eat isinglass. 
 
 "Question 17. And what else? 
 
 " Answer. Go west. 
 
 "This was most extraordinary, as I had only 
 the previous week received a call to the chair 
 of higher mathematics at Oberlin, over which I 
 was then debating, but since which time I have 
 declined. 
 
 " At this point, Miss Leila B. rose from the 
 table, stating that it made her tired/ 1 and the 
 
 1 Often the case with hypnotic subjects owing to neural dis 
 turbance. H. R. D. 
 
246 Yale Yarns. 
 
 experimentation ceased, at ten hours, fourteen 
 minutes. Shortly after I returned to my hotel, 
 and immediately made the above memoranda 
 of facts. It is only by an accumulation of 
 evidence such as the foregoing, that we shall 
 in time, in my judgment, arrive at the true 
 scientific basis of thought transference, or tele 
 pathy. 
 
 " With great respect, I am, 
 "Yours, 
 
 u HENRY R. DRIBBLE. 
 
 44 State of Conn. ) 
 County of Blank, j ss 
 
 " HENRY R. DRIBBLE, being duly sworn, makes oath 
 this igth day of August, 1891, and says that the above account 
 is in substance strictly true. 
 
 44 J. R. JONES, 
 
 44 Notary Public, Blank County. Ct." 
 
A VIOLENT REMEDY. 
 
 SUSCEPTIBLE Adolphus Austin, during the 
 long vacation of the previous summer, had met 
 at Bar Harbor, and afterwards followed to the 
 mountains, a certain Miss Fanny Gower, who 
 from all accounts, was not bad. Paige, who 
 had met her, said she was nice people. " Sleuth " 
 Davidson, who was a great judge, knew her, 
 too, and said he never cared for those impas 
 sive summer creatures who look down on a man 
 from such a tremendous height, and expect 
 you to keep them in candy and reading matter 
 and flowers, and who always were on the make, 
 and expected you to pay for being with them 
 at so much an hour, in carriage and boat hire. 
 " I give that class the shake," said Sleuth, of 
 the level head, " and let them understand at 
 once that I am the only son of an aged widow, 
 who supports me ! " 
 
 Adolphus had followed his inamorata down 
 from Mt. Desert to the Profile House, and had 
 danced and flirted with her all through August 
 247 
 
248 Yale Yarns. 
 
 and September, and just before his return to 
 College, on a coaching party through the 
 mountains, had been gently but distinctly in 
 formed that she could only hold to him the posi 
 tion of a devoted sister. He acquiesced in her 
 decision but it had " knocked him silly " as 
 they said. He had been harder hit than he 
 imagined, and when he got back to the Eve- 
 less paradise of Welch Hall, he fell into a 
 gentle melancholy over his affair which showed 
 no signs of yielding to the exquisitely humor 
 ous chaffing of his chum and their friends. 
 
 He was a good fellow, and the girl, of 
 course, had treated him shamefully, so they 
 said ; and he ought to be glad to give up such 
 a cruel-hearted flirt and whistle her down the 
 winds, etc. With the " crowd," any girl who 
 had been at all " repellent " was an arch flirt. 
 
 " She s been an angel, a perfect angel," he 
 said ; " and I don t deserve her, and it was only 
 her goodness of heart which prompted her to 
 let me remain near her as long as I did." 
 
 " Spending twenty dollars a day for her 
 amusement, " interlarded " Laze" Aldrich, his 
 chum, over his briarwood. 
 
 Austin only sighed. 
 
A Violent Remedy. 249 
 
 "And when, like an ass, I went too far, and 
 told her how impossible it was to exist with 
 out her 
 
 " The season being over, and she being on 
 the point of going back to town " 
 
 " She kindly told me that she could not 
 possibly bring herself seriously to care for me, 
 and that we must part forever." 
 
 " Well, Adolphus, don t take it too much 
 to heart ; there are others." 
 
 " There is but one Fanny Gower ! " 
 
 Then Austin threw himself into a deep easy 
 chair and lit his pipe. 
 
 " My advice is, always let the girl fall in love 
 with you ; not you with the girl," said Aldrich 
 sententiously. 
 
 " Well, it s all over now," sighed Adolphus. 
 " I shall never marry, Laze. I m over all that 
 sort of thing now, for all time, and yet, I 
 dreamed " 
 
 Austin looked gloomily out of the window. 
 
 Aldrich sniffed, and burst out : 
 
 " Poor old idealist ! Don t you know that 
 all girls are selfish, vain, merely imitative crea 
 tures, and affected ? If you don t, why 
 I m deuced sorry for you." 
 
250 Yale Yarns. 
 
 " Aldrich, you re a cynic. Most girls have 
 a wider, more spiritual and higher view of life 
 than we men are capable of." 
 
 Aldrich turned to his Jevoris Logic im 
 patiently. 
 
 Then Adolphus sat down at the piano and 
 began to sing softly : 
 
 " I shot an arrow into the air, 
 It fell to earth, I know not where " 
 
 Aldrich rudely interrupted, in a hoarse basso : 
 
 " The next day a man came round 
 And sold me a dead dog at a dollar a pound " 
 
 It wasn t original with Aldrich, he got it out 
 of a newspaper, but he liked to sit on his chum s 
 manifestations of sentiment as often and as 
 severely as he could. To be afflicted with 
 sentiment he deemed " dreadfully effeminate," 
 and Austin was getting to be too sentimental 
 for any living with him. 
 
 He went up to see Keith and Horner in 
 Lawrance, after a little while, and said, as he 
 entered the room : " Damn a lovesick fool ! " 
 
 " Why ? " 
 
 " My chum " 
 
 " Adolphus ? still stuck on that pretty Fanny 
 Gower ? Why, she s a wicked flirt! 
 
A Violent Remedy. 251 
 
 Little Jack threw his book down and cocked 
 his feet up on a table, and lit a cigarette. 
 
 "Yes, just a nice tidy little flirt, that s 
 all," said Aldrich, half provoked, half laughing, 
 " but she s spoiled him." 
 
 Little Jack Horner puffed at his cigarette 
 thoughtfully. 
 
 " There s only one way to cure a lovesick 
 fool," he said solemnly. " Get him to fall in 
 love with a new girl." He puffed twice again. 
 " Then, when he s fallen out with the new girl, 
 he s cured See? " 
 
 " Well, where s your new girl ? " 
 
 " Oh, any girl will do, I suppose," 
 
 " Now, that seems to me rattling good 
 sense." 
 
 " I mean, if you can t find one, make up 
 one. 
 
 " That s even more sensible ! " 
 
 " Oh, Tom Keith," called Little Jack, " Come 
 in here ! " 
 
 At the moment Tom Keith was in his bed 
 room trying on his make-up for the joint-play 
 (Psi U and D.K.E.) and as he was cast for a 
 fashionable daughter of a tremendously rich 
 banker, his sudden apparition at the door as- 
 
252 Yale Yarns. 
 
 tonished Aldrich to a degree. Keith made 
 the prettiest girl in college by all odds. His 
 oval face, straight features, clear blue eyes and 
 nicely pencilled eyebrows, and small hands and 
 feet, gave him enormous advantages. He was 
 the college soubrette/<7r excellence. 
 
 " My boy I mean girl you are a winner ! 
 I d never know you ! " exclaimed Aldrich, in 
 admiration. " If you were one, now, I d have 
 to speak to your father ! " 
 
 Keith adjusted his blond wig before the glass. 
 Then he adjusted his large hat on the wig, and 
 whitened his face with a powder-puff. Several 
 fellows dropped in and made comments, com 
 plimentary and otherwise. Keith began to put 
 on airs. 
 
 " How about your voice, Tom ? " 
 
 " Oh, I sha n t mind about that, lots of girls 
 have regular boys voices, you know. And 
 I ve heard that nowadays to talk way down in 
 their boots, like men, was just the cheese." 
 
 Keith, satisfied that his gown would fit, be 
 gan to disrobe. 
 
 " Say, Tom, er er don t before us ! 
 what do you say to having a little sport out of 
 Adolphus ! " and Little Jack Homer puffed out 
 
A Violent Remedy. 253 
 
 a cloud of smoke. " He s lovesick, you know, 
 all girled up. It s our duty to get him out 
 of it." 
 
 "How?" 
 
 " Put on your sacque and go over and pre 
 tend to want to see Aldrich, and say you will 
 wait for him to return ; Austin is there. Be 
 rather reserved at first, try it, and don t let 
 him find out who you are." 
 
 " What the deuce shall I talk about ? " 
 
 " Oh, say you re a cousin of Laze, and 
 that you are down from school for a few days 
 you can work it as you see he bites or not. 
 Talk as seriously as you can about life, and the 
 future, and throw in a little religion. You know 
 Adolphus pretty well, you know his soft 
 spots. * 
 
 " Yes, and you might hint at having a 
 broken heart about you," said Aldrich. 
 
 " Adolphus is in a sentimental mood just 
 now over that Gower girl, she s thrown him 
 down ; it would be a kindness to him to flirt a 
 little with him. If he bites, all right, get him 
 out of his doldrums, if you can. He s been 
 moping the last month." 
 
 " After half an hour or so, Laze will go back," 
 
.254 Yale Yai 
 
 said Jack, " and be so surprised to see his 
 cousin Bessie, and introduce you Then you d 
 better make some excuse, Laze, and get out 
 again. And, Tom, you make an appointment 
 to-night, late, after your rehearsal, with Austin, 
 if you can, and take a moonlight drive with 
 him." 
 
 " I m willing, if we can make it go all 
 right," said Keith. " But you must all stand 
 by me." 
 
 " Oh, we 11 take care of that ! we 11 set him 
 up a dinner afterwards ; a dinner always 
 straightens everything out, you know." 
 
 So after a little, Keith, now to be known 
 as Miss Bessie Aldrich, just from school, slipped 
 out of the room, and so over to north entry, 
 Welch, up two flights, and knocked timidly at 
 Austin and Aldrich s door. 
 
 " Come in," sang out Austin in a loud voice, 
 concluding from the gentle knock that it was 
 his washerwoman. 
 
 The door opened, and Bessie entered ; Adol- 
 phus who was seated with his back to the door, 
 over a long pipe in a deep-bottomed easy 
 chair, did not turn to look at her. 
 
 "Just lay it down anywhere, Mrs. Gimly, 
 
A Violent Remedy. 255 
 
 and I 11 pay you when you call Saturday. Owe 
 you for last week, don t I ? By the way, you 
 always seem, most lamentably, to exhaust 
 all your starch, intended, no doubt, for my col 
 lars and shirts, in my towels and underclothing. 
 Now, I do not care to have my silk socks 
 starched particularly, and the towels are better 
 
 as they are. And d n it you really have 
 
 very little sense, for so advanced a person, Mrs. 
 Gimly, and you seem to think I have a i6neck 
 
 my number is 14^- you know, By Jove ! 
 
 I I beg your pardon ! " 
 
 Bessie exclaimed in a high key, " Sir you 
 have apparently no idea who I am ! " 
 
 Adolphus had glanced up, and caught sight 
 of the pretty blonde, who appeared to be ex 
 tremely shocked at his highly unparliamentary 
 language. He bounced out of his easy chair, 
 and proceeded to make a dozen apologies at 
 once. 
 
 " Is my cousin, Mr. Aldrich in ? " Bessie 
 asked timidly as he finished. 
 
 " No, not at present. He stepped out a 
 moment ago. Won t you be seated and wait 
 for him ? he 11 be back presently." 
 
 " Thanks," seating herself on the edge of a 
 
256 Yale Yarns. 
 
 chair. " I I came down from school to see 
 Cousin Dick, and I m to be in New Haven a 
 few days." 
 
 "Oh, that s very good of you, and my chum 
 will be delighted to see you, I m sure I 
 I did n t know he had a cousin at school." 
 
 Austin stood, half leaning on the cushioned 
 window seat, and Bessie drew herself as much 
 as possible into the shadow of the curtain, out 
 of the light. So far, he had bitten very well. 
 
 " I know it must seem dreadful to come right 
 up to his room this way, without sending word, 
 but, I I am alone." 
 
 " Oh, I m sure you have done just the right 
 thing." 
 
 " I m afraid Cousin Dick will think I m 
 awfully forward." 
 
 " Why, not at all ! " 
 
 " You see, I I have never been in New 
 Haven before, and I am so frightened I 
 have n t any chaperon." 
 
 Bessie s eyes dropped modestly. 
 
 " I assure you a chaperon is usually a great 
 b ore when awake. She is generally in the 
 way, and among college men is considered 
 entirely unnecessary under any circumstances." 
 
A Violent Remedy. 257 
 
 Adolphus stared at the pretty bit of femi 
 ninity with all his might. She did n t smile. 
 She seemed so timid, so remote, that he at 
 once assumed a fatherly, protecting air. 
 
 " It might have been better to telegraph your 
 arrival," he said. " If you will wait, I will go 
 and try to find your cousin." 
 
 " Oh, no don t go, please." 
 
 " Oh, very well." 
 
 " I Ve heard so much about you, Mr. Austin, 
 from Cousin Dick he has told me how bright 
 you are, and h how you despise girls." 
 
 " I, despise girls? I may not approve of 
 girls but I do not despise them ! " And Adol 
 phus beamed compassionately upon her. 
 
 Then Bessie giggled. 
 
 " I m such a little goose ! I m afraid to be 
 left alone." 
 
 Austin glanced quickly at Bessie, and the 
 latter bit her lip, feeling that she had gone too 
 far. 
 
 " Er er is this your first visit to New 
 Haven?" 
 
 " Yes." 
 
 " I hope it won t be your last." 
 
 "Thank you, sir." 
 17 
 
258 Yale Yarns. 
 
 " Suppose I put on my hat and while we wait 
 for my chum, suppose I show you around the 
 buildings. The windows in the library are 
 considered quite good " 
 
 " Oh, let us wait for Cousin Dick." She 
 glanced quickly, half coquettishly at him, and 
 he quickly recognized the fact that she was 
 pretty, and that she demanded from him the 
 admiration due a pretty girl. 
 
 Bessie kept putting her handkerchief to 
 her lips in an odd sort of way, and half hiding 
 herself behind the curtain. It was difficult for 
 him to judge of her face, to decide that she 
 was a blown beauty, he could only judge so 
 from the furtive side glances she gave him. 
 
 Then there came a knock at the door, and 
 Bessie gave a little scream, and said : " Oh, 
 I am so frightened ! I 11 just step in here, if I 
 may, and close the door." 
 
 So in she went, into Aldrich s bedroom. 
 
 Austin opened the door, and in came Tutor 
 Blinky, looking quite solemn. He closed the 
 door behind him softly and said . 
 
 " Mr. Austin, I happened to be coming in 
 the entry and observed a young lady enter your 
 room. Of course it is all right and proper but 
 
A Violent Remedy. 259 
 
 after a little consideration, I determined to 
 speak to you about it ; the College rules for 
 bid the presence of a lady, unaccompanied by 
 a chaperon, in the dormitories. I may point 
 out to you 
 
 At that moment Laze Aldrich sauntered in. 
 
 " Oh, Tutor Blinky, delighted to see 
 you." 
 
 " I was just saying that a female, a young 
 lady was seen entering your room." said the 
 tutor. 
 
 "A "young lady? Is she here now?" asked 
 Aldrich. 
 
 " Of course, it s all right, but I merely 
 wished to call attention to the rule " 
 
 " But where is she ? " Aldrich looked under 
 the table, in his search. 
 
 " I don t see her," said the Tutor, rubbing 
 his hands together, nervously. 
 
 " Then she s gone ? " 
 
 " No, she has n t gone !" Austin conveyed 
 to his chum. 
 
 " She may be in that room," said the Tutor, 
 indicating Aldrich s bedroom. 
 
 Aldrich walked over to the closed door of 
 the room and said in a loud voice, " Tutor 
 
260 Yale Yarns, 
 
 Blinky, you must be mistaken, you will find no 
 one in the room/ 
 
 Then he waited a slight interval, and opened 
 the door. The room was empty. 
 
 As the Tutor (of a notoriously spying dis 
 position) could see plainly into Austin s room 
 also, he concluded that the young lady had left, 
 and said so. 
 
 Austin said firmly, " No young lady has 
 passed out of this door, sir, I assure you. Yes, 
 I am positive ! " 
 
 " No young woman has been here at all," 
 said Aldrich positively, and perhaps a little 
 rudely. 
 
 The Tutor bowed, looked crestfallen, and 
 took his departure. " Very likely I was mis 
 taken," he said, as he bowed himself out. 
 
 " Well ! " exclaimed Austin. . " Your cousin 
 was here, and she went into your room on 
 hearing Tutor Blinky knock. But where she 
 is now, it s a mystery ! " 
 
 " Why, Austin, my dear boy, you are dream 
 ing ! The only cousin I have is at school, up 
 at Hartford." 
 
 " But she was here, in that chair, only a 
 few minutes ago. Very pretty girl, too." 
 
A Violent Remedy. 261 
 
 " I think you Ve got all girled up over that 
 Miss Gower, you have them on the brain ! If 
 my cousin (who by the way is quite an heiress, 
 Adolphus) was here, why is n t she here now ? 
 She was quite a substantial young lady the last 
 time I saw her." 
 
 " She is still, she s very easy people. By 
 Jove, she could n t have got out of my win 
 dow, of course, but, where is she?" 
 
 " Poor old chap ! you have had an hallucina 
 tion, as they call it. Describe her. If you Ve 
 been asleep and dreamed of Cousin Bessie, it s 
 a strange thing, but it s happened before to 
 people." 
 
 " It is true I was almost asleep when she came 
 in, and first thought she was my washer 
 woman." 
 
 " The whole thing has been a hypnotic sug 
 gestion. You never saw my cousin really, you 
 saw a projection of her, as they call it. She 
 must be coming down to see me I dare say 
 I shall receive a telegram any moment." 
 
 Presently in came a number of fellows, and 
 later on Keith in his ordinary clothes entered. 
 And Austin, in the fulness of his heart, told 
 them about the beautiful apparition, enlarging 
 
262 Yale Yarns. 
 
 upon her beauty and style until they could with 
 difficulty keep from laughing. 
 
 " It s because you are so hipped on a girl 
 you think you see one behind every bush ! " 
 laughed his chum. " I believe you re going 
 crazy." 
 
 " But Tutor Blinky saw her ! " 
 
 " He must have seen my aunt and cousin who 
 came up to see me just that very moment," 
 promptly spoke up Johnson, who was in the 
 plot, and who roomed in the same entry. They 
 all agreed that Austin had had a strange hallu 
 cination and his chum suggested that he have a 
 doctor at once. 
 
 Then, a few moments later, a messenger boy 
 brought a telegram which read : 
 
 "Richard B. Aldrich, Yale College. 
 " Will be down on the evening train. Please meet me. 
 
 " Bessie." 
 
 " Well," said Aldrich. That is strange ! 
 She has " projected " herself into your mind, 
 Billy ! " The telegram is dated Hartford. At 
 all events, we 11 find out to-night if she has 
 been here this afternoon, ^and of course, she 
 has n t. You have heard me speak of her a 
 
A Violent Remedy. 263 
 
 good many times ? what a splendid girl she is, 
 and all that, and I Ve told her of you, and per 
 haps she thought of you and me to-day, see ? 
 You can ask her when she comes if she was 
 thinking of you about three o clock. It s quite 
 a mystery, but people who believe in telepathy 
 and that sort of thing say it s commoner than 
 is supposed." 
 
 It was odd how every one else in the room 
 concurred in what Laze said. Austin began to 
 doubt his own senses. 
 
 After they had all gone, and as they were 
 preparing to go out to afternoon recitation, 
 Austin said : 
 
 " It s queer I never had an hallucination 
 about Fanny Gow r er, or Kate Flemming or the 
 others." 
 
 "That s because they never cared for you." 
 
 " But Bessie ? " 
 
 " She s heard a good deal about you, Adol- 
 phus I Ve told her a lot. Who knows but 
 the dear girl has been cherishing your image in 
 her secret heart ! She saw your photo once at 
 home, I remember, and she said, That s a 
 damn fine looking chum of yours, or words 
 to that effect," 
 
264 Yale Yarns. 
 
 " I hope Bessie does n t swear ! " exclaimed 
 Austin astonished. 
 
 " Well, she used some sort of girl s lingo, I 
 think she really said, He looks like an opera 
 tenor singer/ that s their ideal, you know. 
 Oh, she in her tender young heart has quietly 
 learned a good deal about you, Adolphus, and, 
 I dare say " 
 
 " What rot ! " 
 
 " I dare say she has scribbled your name all 
 over her Fasquelle, as girls will, you know 
 it s a way they have ! " 
 
 " Absurd ! " 
 
 But it was evident that Adolphus was secretly 
 very well pleased with the idea. 
 
 They walked over to the recitation room in 
 silence, Austin meditating upon the surprising 
 events of the afternoon. Just before they en 
 tered, he said : " Forgive me, old man, but 
 when she comes to-night, and you happen to 
 speak of me, I I would n t say anything 
 about the Gower matter, eh ?" 
 
 No, certainly not ! " 
 
 "And, do caution Miss Bessie on going 
 about alone, er er Very odd about her 
 counterfeit presentment was n t it ! I don t 
 think I could have been asleep ? " 
 
A Violent Remedy. 265 
 
 And Aldrich gave him an understanding 
 glance, as they entered recitation. " I see," he 
 said, " you think if it was not a dream it was 
 highly improper?" 
 
 " Oh, no but " 
 
 " Well I will see that she is properly chap 
 eroned " 
 
 Bessie duly arrived that night, was properly 
 introduced to Austin, and for the week follow 
 ing met him by appointment each evening, and 
 took the most entrancing moonlight drives with 
 him and " Cousin Dick," explaining that she 
 was visiting people in New Haven, who were 
 dead opposed to romance and extremely strict, 
 and who, in fact, forbade students the house. 
 The affair had such a strange beginning for 
 Austin, and was kept up under such odd, 
 romantic circumstances, with such mysterious 
 meetings, and Bessie showed so much feeling 
 for him, (she had, however, not yet allowed him 
 to kiss her) that his wicked chum was able to 
 report that Fanny Gower s name had not been 
 mentioned since the day of the apparition ! 
 The ingenuity of Little Jack Horner was exer 
 cised to invent all sorts of charming and fasci 
 nating stories about Bessie. How she had 
 saved her aged grandfather from a burning 
 
266 Yale Yarns. 
 
 fate, in a country house ; how she once caught 
 a burglar, and how she had saved many a poor 
 little newsboy s life from a passing express 
 wagon. Bessie herself so arranged and ordered 
 it that at last he confessed he loved her, with 
 an audience of four or five delighted Juniors in 
 hiding. Poor Adolphus was fairly caught in 
 the trap! 
 
 " But, Mr. Austin, I ve heard, a little 
 bird has told me that there is another." 
 
 " You allude to Fanny Gower? I assure you, 
 Bessie, that affair is all over." 
 
 They stood together beneath a gas-lamp, on 
 Whalley Avenue, where they had just alighted 
 from their open phaeton. 
 
 " But I come to you, Adolphus without a 
 first affair." 
 
 " I know, but really, I find I never cared 
 for Fanny it was a momentary, a foolish 
 episode. I repent of it, deeply." 
 
 (Subdued applause behind a clump of trees !) 
 
 " You must wait. I can t say that you are 
 altogether repugnant to me. I can t deny, 
 dear, you have an awfully winning way ! " 
 
 "Dear Bessie!" 
 
A Violent Remedy. 267 
 
 " But on next Friday night, I shall be at 
 the Joint theatricals. Until then you must 
 wait, and not see me. I expect to be busy. 
 Tell me that night if, you still love me, 
 and write me in the care of Cousin Dick every 
 day." 
 
 " And you 11 give me a kiss to remember you 
 till then ? that s four days off, Bessie ! " 
 
 " No ! I never kissed a man in my life." And 
 this of course was strictly true. 
 
 " Oh, Bessie ! " 
 
 Austin grasped her in his arms and tried to 
 kiss her, but received a powerful slap which 
 sent him reeling. Then Bessie turned and 
 walked rapidly off in the darkness. She was 
 on her dignity. 
 
 " Gad ! what a muscle that girl has got ! " 
 exclaimed poor Adolphus, ruefully. " These 
 modern athletic girls are are easily capable of 
 taking care of themselves ! " 
 
 During the ensuing four days Austin was in 
 despair. 
 
 The strict relatives were stricter than ever 
 and Bessie could not be seen at all. 
 
 Aldrich told his chum that he was afraid 
 Bessie, who, he said, had been most properly 
 
268 Yale Yarns. 
 
 brought up, probably hated him on account of 
 his impudence in asking her for a kiss. Adol- 
 phus wrote her two love-letters a day, (Aldrich 
 kept these under lock and key and brought them 
 out occasionally afterward to a roomful of fel 
 lows when Austin was not present) and more 
 mawkish, foolish love-letters, no son of Eli ever 
 wrote in his life. Here are a few specimens : 
 
 " Dearest Bessie : 
 
 " Forgive me, darling, for being too lov 
 ing. I fear you are of a cold, icy nature, your heart only 
 beats once every half hour. Let me tell you, you don t be 
 gin to understand what a man is made of, etc. etc." 
 
 " DARLING BESSIE : 
 
 " You are the only girl I could ever 
 
 feel that I truly loved. The spirits had something to do with 
 our first acquaintance, and the gods on Olympus now call 
 joyfully to one another and say, another mortal pair are 
 made immortal. My chum tells me that you have a headache 
 to-day ; do be careful about wet feet, won t you? etc., etc., 
 ... I long for Friday night to come, and then I shall see 
 you again. You, you only shall I see ! Will you be in a 
 box ? How I wish we could sit side by side. 
 
 ADOLPHUS." 
 
 Bessie s letters were full of repression and 
 caution : 
 
 " MY DEAR ADOLPHUS: 
 
 " You must try not to over love 
 
 me. Go slow, old man. The first thing I know, you 11 do 
 yourself some injury. You re a terribly knowing young man, 
 
A Violent Remedy. 269 
 
 and the idea of wanting to kiss me on a public avenue ! 
 Oh, Adolphus ! you must be more careful. You must reform. 
 Are you sure you are through with that Gower girl ? Don t 
 you really care for her any longer ? If you do, I shall never 
 speak to you again, never, never ! 
 
 "B. 
 
 " P.S. N.B. I shan t be in a box Friday night, but in a 
 stew, you can believe, dear." 
 
 " DEAR ADOLPHUS : 
 
 " Your last was a corker ! As a 
 
 lover, you are too over sure. You say you never cared for a 
 girl before Fanny Gower, I say you never have cared for one 
 since ! Be more circumspect ; don t write my name all over 
 your text books. Remember, and see me Friday night. 
 
 11 P.S. N.B. The next time you see me, it won t be in a 
 carriage, but a stage ! 
 
 "B." 
 
 It is needless to say that Adolphus wondered 
 a great deal at these enigmatical and mystifying 
 postscripts ! 
 
 At last the night of the Joint play came 
 around. The fashionable daughter of a tremen 
 dously rich banker, as the pretty girl of the 
 piece, made a great hit in the comedy played, 
 and no one in all the audience was hit harder 
 than Austin, who, in evening dress, occupied a 
 seat in the front row of the gallery. 
 
 " Why, they Ve got a real girl Bessie Al- 
 drich in the daughter s part ! " he said, sur 
 prised, as she came on in the first act. 
 
270 Yale Yarns. 
 
 "Yes," said Little Jack Horner, next to him. 
 " We had to call in a little outside talent." 
 
 " But it says, Belinda T. W. Keith/ That s 
 Tom Keith ! " 
 
 " Oh, that s a blind ! " laughed Aldrich on 
 the other side. " She did n t want to let every 
 fool in the audience know she was n t a student." 
 
 " Oh, I see," said Adolphus, thoughtfully. 
 
 " Do you ? " laughed Little Jack Horner. 
 
 " So they got Bessie to act Well ! Is n t 
 she lovely ! Why did n t she tell me f " 
 
 " Kept it as a surprise," said Aldrich. 
 
 " Oh I see ! " said Austin slowly, and then 
 he added : " By Jehoshaphat ! Jinks ! " 
 
 Adolphus Austin fastened his eyes on the 
 beautiful daughter of the rich banker in ap 
 parently utter entrancement. At the first in 
 termission, he hastened out, was gone some 
 time and brought in with him a huge bouquet 
 of flowers. He then fastened his card on the 
 handle, and threw it full at Bessie, when she 
 came on the stage, in the second act. 
 
 The bouquet struck her full in the chest and 
 floored her. It was flung as hard as an angry 
 and sorely deceived man could fling it, and it 
 was largely made up of a heavy cabbage. 
 
A Violent Remedy. -271 
 
 Bessie sat down rather hard in the middle of 
 the stage and gazed at the crowded and noisy 
 house in amazement, and at Austin in particular^ 
 with 
 
 " Oh, Adolphus ! how could you be so 
 rude ! " and then there were roars of laughter. 
 
 On the card Austin had written hastily, the 
 lines from Byron, 
 
 I only know we loved in vain, 
 
 I only feel, Farewell ! Farewell ! " 
 
 ADOLPHUS. 
 
 At the dinner they gave Austin, to soothe his 
 wounded vanity and to laugh the thing over 
 with fizz, Austin said seriously, " I am cured of 
 ever wanting to speak to another girl as long 
 as I live ; boys, you ve done the trick. 
 Henceforth I m a misogynist ! " 
 
 But the very next summer vacation Adolphus 
 changed his mind. 
 
-CHUMS OVER IN OLD SOUTH." 
 
 IT was a raw winter s night, and Paige drew 
 the curtains close, and told his father to take 
 the easy chair in the corner by the somewhat 
 chilly comfort of the radiator. His father was 
 up from New York on some mysterious Senior 
 Society errand into which his son, then a Junior, 
 dared not pry, and they were sitting after dinner 
 around the lamp over their cigars, and tiny 
 glasses of Benedictine, a bottle of which delect 
 able liqueur, covered with curious labels, the 
 old grad. had brought up with him as a gift. 
 
 A number of fellows dropped into the room, 
 and " Boots " presented them, one by one, to 
 " my father, Colonel Paige," with a proud air, 
 for the old grad. was a fine looking, gray haired 
 old veteran, with an armless sleeve. " Little 
 Jack" Horner came in and amused the Colonel 
 immensely with the account of how he " pushed 
 his exam, papers all over the block" in mathe 
 matics that day, and in the same breath dis- 
 272 
 
"Chu ms over in Old South." 273 
 
 cussed with Barrington what sort of a " push " 
 was out to Miss Gradley s dance the night be 
 fore ; " Great " contending that the Gradleys 
 were " smooth people." And Aldrich moaned 
 because he feared he d " pinched " a condition 
 in logic, and Little Jack told him to " jolly" Prof. 
 Harker more. And they talked of " digs " and 
 " greasy grinds " and Dwight Hall heelers, and 
 the new style " long cheer," and what a " daisy 
 peach " they saw crossing Chapel Street as they 
 came over to the room, and Paige said it was 
 time to " horse to likker," (referring to the Bene 
 dictine) and advised Little Jack not to mon 
 key with the townies down on Church Street or 
 the muckers would " push in his little mug un 
 til they bent his back teeth in a scrap with 
 them." All this jargon the old grad. listened to 
 with a most mystified and indulgent expression, 
 and his son felt called upon to translate, but 
 did n t. 
 
 Little Jack looked at the armless sleeve a 
 moment, curiously. 
 
 " I wish we d been in Yale during the war," 
 he said. " I understand whole classes enlisted, 
 that the students drilled every day on the 
 
 campus, and that you lost more men after Bull 
 il 
 
274 Yale Yarns. 
 
 Run and Shiloh and Antietam than we did after 
 freshman annual." 
 
 " Yale did her part in the war," said Colonel 
 Paige. " And there should be a Memorial Hall 
 built to our dead heroes, as there is at Cam 
 bridge." 
 
 " I 11 be one of ten thousand to subscribe one 
 dollar," said Little Jack. " It s all the mon 
 I own at present." 
 
 " Father could tell you a story," said Boots, 
 looking at his governor, questioningly. 
 
 " A story ! A war story ! " cried Little Jack, 
 eagerly. " Let us have it Colonel. 
 
 " Oh, nonsense. I must be going in a min 
 ute," said the Colonel, looking at his watch. 
 
 " Father, I wish they could hear it," urged 
 Paige. 
 
 " Oh, I it s too soon after dinner, my 
 boy." 
 
 And the Colonel puffed out a huge ring of 
 smoke. 
 
 " See here, Colonel Paige "and Hornerdrew 
 his fat little body up to his full height before 
 him. " Do you think you are going to escape 
 from this room, with an untold tale concealed 
 about your person ? " 
 
"Chums over in Old South! 275 
 
 " Ho\v dare you bulldoze an entire stranger 
 this way ! " laughed the Colonel, with a most 
 amiable smile. 
 
 " Ah, but you re not an entire stranger," 
 said Little Jack quickly, looking at the arm 
 less sleeve. 
 
 The Colonel laughed. Then he said, out of 
 nothing, " With all your queer lingo, and your 
 most amazing slang ever invented on the face 
 of the earth, I don t see, but what, but 
 what you are just counterparts of the boys back 
 in the 6os. Mr. Harrington, you would do very 
 well for Jim Hay wood, we were chums over 
 in old South." 
 
 " There, go on, Governor ! " exclaimed 
 Paige, eagerly. 
 
 " Just let your side whiskers come out, and 
 your hair grow long as your foot-ball eleven 
 does, and wear doe cloth, and cloth gaiters and 
 long boots, and you will do for Jim. Fashions 
 change. Yale boys are about the same, I guess, 
 after all." 
 
 " Go on, Jim Haywood, father," urged 
 Boots. 
 
 There was a little pause and the Colonel, 
 eyeing his son laughingly, began : 
 
276 Yale Yarns. 
 
 11 Well, if you boys want it, here goes. As 
 I said, Jim Haywood was my chum over in 
 South. " Old South " is gone now in more 
 senses than one, so is poor Jim. He was a 
 southerner from Savannah. When the war 
 broke out he left college, and was present at 
 the firing on Fort Sumter. 
 
 " He joined Lee s army in Virginia and I was 
 in McClellan s second corps in the Peninsula. 
 (Looks at his watch.) Suffice it to say that in 
 62, in July, after the battle of Gaines Mill, I 
 volunteered for scout duty along the Chicka- 
 hominy, and so reported to General Hancock, 
 in person. 
 
 " We called ourselves scouts, but as we did 
 not do our work in uniform we were practically 
 spies. You see, I got tired of camp life and 
 volunteered to this extra duty for the fun of it, 
 and for a few months I enjoyed enough excite 
 ment to last me a lifetime." 
 
 A number of fellows dropped in. Little 
 Jack bade them to be quiet, be seated and 
 listen, and the Colonel continued. 
 
 " One dark, misty night in August, 62, I was 
 trying to pass the picket line the Johnnies had 
 stretched along from Bethesda Church, over by 
 
" Chums over in Old South." 277 
 
 McGee s house, in so eastern Virginia, you 
 know, in the valley of the Chickahominy. I 
 was returning from a three weeks sojourn in 
 rebel lines, and had several maps sewed in my 
 boots, and some important memoranda. I was 
 in my peddler s disguise, carried a pack and 
 wore a gray coat, and meal-bag trousers, and 
 slouch hat, and was armed with a lead stick, 
 and had iron in my boot, as they say ; that is 
 one revolver, and a loaded cane." 
 
 " I got through the rebel lines without much 
 difficulty by dodging the pickets, and made my 
 way along, cross lots, with the aid of a pocket 
 compass, under the glass of which I pressed a 
 firefly ; I was beginning to lose that nervous, 
 dreadful feeling I always had when crossing the 
 lines, and was congratulating myself on getting 
 through to the Union Army before daylight. 
 I used to hate daylight ! (And right here let me 
 advise any of you lads, if you want real honest 
 excitement, study to be professional burglars, 
 I Ve often thought of it !) I used to have to 
 hide in hay-mows, or in old barns, or in the 
 swampy woods all day, and the mosquitoes 
 
 were you have no idea ! But at night I 
 
 could find my way anywhere. I was young 
 
278 Yale Yarns. 
 
 and loved the excitement then, and stood to 
 lose my life twenty times a day without once 
 losing my nerve. 
 
 " I was making my way through a piece of 
 swamp and I heard suddenly the word, Halt ! 
 and a report and blinding flash of fire followed. 
 Luckily I was not hit. I quickly threw myself 
 behind a stump and sank in the mire of a deep 
 pool, and there I waited. I think it was half 
 an hour I sat in water up to my waist in sus 
 pense ; then I slowly rose out of my hole and 
 looked about me. It was too pitch dark to see 
 ahead ten feet, but I did n t mind the darkness. 
 I did mind what I heard, voices in low tones 
 not a dozen yards from me ! I knew the John 
 nies were searching for me. Presently they lit 
 a lantern, four of them. I could have killed 
 two, possibly, but I did n t know how many 
 more were hid behind the trees, and I thought 
 best, like Brer Fox, to lie low and wait. 
 
 " Then after a while, I groped my way, flank 
 ing the party to the east, and got to the edge of 
 the open wood, and then it was all up with me. 
 A party of at least fifty Johnnies were camping 
 around a fire and I almost ran in upon them ! 
 
 " I hid myself, as best I could under the thick 
 
" Chums over in Old South" 2 79 
 
 bush. Had I come in the wrong direction ? 
 Afterwards I discovered that the little con 
 temptible firefly had caught the needle in his 
 left wing and I had in consequence gone west 
 nor west instead of northeast. I was in the 
 midst of the enemy ! 
 
 " I skirted the wood as carefully as I could, 
 and then two of the Johnnies hidden behind 
 trees jumped up and seized me. At first I pre 
 tended to go along with them and then sud 
 denly knocked one of them down and made a 
 break for the wood, but the other fellow gave 
 the alarm, fired his gun, and I was captured." 
 
 " I told my story, a yarn I had invented 
 and worked a dozen times. I was a peddler 
 going to Harper s Ferry, to procure some cloth 
 and tobacco for soldiers use. I had printed 
 newspapers with my ad. in it which I showed 
 them I was a Jew haberdasher at Harper s 
 Ferry. Isaac Helberstein ; but my story 
 did n t seem to take. 
 
 " I was disarmed and searched and hurried 
 to camp. I knew the jig was up when they 
 ripped up my boots and found a map of some 
 rebel fortifications around old Cold Harbor in 
 them. 
 
280 Yale Yarns. 
 
 " I was sent with a detail to General L s 
 headquarters, and, after a drumhead court- 
 martial was ordered to be shot the following 
 day but one, at sunrise. Then I was remanded 
 to the care of the Captain of the Company 
 who captured me, for execution, and a double 
 guard was set over me in the guard-house. 
 
 " The jig is up, I said to myself all the next 
 day, * and all because of a firefly ! The 
 Johnnies pitied me and gave me tobacco and 
 some whisky, and tried to make my last day 
 agreeable ; and, as I was pretty weary, I en 
 joyed it very well. Let me say that a man 
 who is in health, can never really believe he s 
 actually going to die ; I m certain / did n t, 
 that twenty-third day of August, 1862. I 
 laughed and joked, and made the Johnnies 
 believe that the war would n t last three 
 months. Death did n t seem so extraordinary 
 in those days of carnage and destruction. I 
 did n t feel it really near me. I wrote a dozen 
 letters to my mother, to my sisters, and to my 
 sweetheart, his mother, (looking at Paige 
 with affection). I wrote to old Prex Woolsey 
 and dear Professor Thacher, detailing the facts 
 of my capture, hard to be shot as a spy, you 
 
"Chums over in Old South." 281 
 
 know, and not have a chance to explain, and 
 yet I thought of Nathan Hale, too, and I did n t 
 grieve, or complain. It was the chances of 
 war, and war makes a new atmosphere, and 
 we get used to it once we are in it, and don t 
 mind and if death comes, it comes so lightly 
 and easily that it is hardly sad or a calamity. 
 
 " The night passed. I thought of my life at 
 college, my old friends I d never see again 
 but still it was n t so mournful as you d think. 
 I wondered what had become of my old chum, 
 Jim Haywood, I thought of several, too, who 
 had been killed, I was sure I d see them. 
 You see, dying in war times in such a glori 
 ous company of the heroic dead, is quite a 
 different thing from dying now in peace. I 
 told the Johnnies I was a Yale man. One 
 of them was from a Virginia university, and 
 we became quite friendly. They asked me 
 many questions about college life, about the 
 Wooden Spoon and the " Bully," and the secret 
 societies. It got noised abroad all over the rebel 
 camp that a Yale man was going to be shot as 
 a spy,- and as you will see, my acknowledging 
 allegiance to dear old mother Yale, thus, saved 
 my life. 
 
282 Yale Yarns. 
 
 " The night passed in comfortable sleep, and 
 dreams of home. I awoke at dawn and felt 
 refreshed. I looked out at the glorious sun 
 rise was it to be my last ? The morning be 
 gan to get bright. Presently they led me out 
 to the edge of a wood in a little field. A 
 chaplain prayed with me, I wish I could see 
 that good man again, for his prayer did me 
 lots of good, it was so long that, but I 
 must n t anticipate. 
 
 " They blindfolded my eyes, and asked me if 
 I was ready. I said * No, a man is never ready 
 to die ! and some one whispered, * Dick 
 Paige, at the volley fall forward on your face ! 
 
 " How am I to know which side I 11 fall on, 
 you fool ? I asked sharply. It was serious 
 business for me just then, and I thought some 
 Johnnie was laughing at me. 
 
 " You fall on your face ! Don t you remem 
 ber Jim? We were chums away over in old 
 South. I m fore, and am officer in charge. 
 
 " Then he went aside, and I understood. 
 
 " My heart stood still with a certain absolute 
 belief that Jim Haywood, my old chum over 
 in South was going to save my life in some way. 
 Hope sprang up again. I knew Jim. He was 
 
* Ch u ms over in Old South. " 283 
 
 one of the cutest fellows that ever lived. I 
 knew that if any one could interfere between 
 those six murderous bullets and my heart, lie 
 could. As I stood there, hands tied behind my 
 back, eyes blindfolded, seeing the red through 
 the handkerchief, the red of the hot, rising 
 sun, I was as sure I was in a sort of farce play 
 as I was when he and I, as Freshmen, were 
 initiated into old Alpha Sigma Phi, They 
 trained blank cartridges on us there in college, 
 everything went to gun-play in those war 
 times, you know ; I just trusted Jim, and when 
 they asked me if I cared to say anything, I was 
 just mean enough to seize my advantage and 
 let them have a good, stiff, stump speech on 
 the wickedness of secession, and then I gave 
 them a great bluff about the war s being over 
 in three months and warning them to come in 
 out of the rain. They must have thought me 
 rather cheeky ! 
 
 " Well, I finished, and listened to Scripture 
 and the last prayer of the chaplain, and was 
 told to prepare for death. I said I was ready, 
 and then came Jim s sharp command : Present 
 ar-rums ! Make ready ar-rnins ! Then the 
 words in a lower tone, but I could hear them 
 
284 Yale Yarns. 
 
 distinctly in the silence * Aim at his breast, 
 Johnson. All aim at the breast of the poor 
 devil there, ready, fire ! 
 
 " I fell forward quickly on my face, and lay 
 still. Was Jim Haywood there? Thank God! 
 Yes, he was, because I was still alive ! I lay 
 as if dead, and felt a blanket thrown over me. 
 In some way Jim had drawn those bullets, and 
 prevented the surgeon making any examina 
 tion. 
 
 " Then, after a little, they rolled me in the 
 blanket and carried me away into the woods. 
 
 "Then, in my sensitive ear, I heard Jim s 
 voice again : We are to bury you, Dick, under 
 a foot of earth. I 11 put a musket barrel down 
 to your mouth, don t fret. 
 
 " Then they rolled me into my grave and I 
 felt the earth falling over me, and all was very 
 dark and dismal, I can tell you ! I was nearly 
 suffocated before Jim got his tube so as it 
 would work. I suppose he had to be very 
 wary of the guard ; but at last he got it in 
 place, and what s more, later on, poured some 
 very comforting whisky into my mouth, which 
 nearly strangled me at first, because I was n t 
 expecting it. But it was grateful, I can tell 
 
"Chums over in Old South" 285 
 
 you. One of the most blessed drinks I ever 
 took in my life, because, lying in my grave that 
 way, so cold, so dark, so immovable, the fear 
 began to steal over me that perhaps I was really 
 dead, after all ! Perhaps I had only been dream 
 ing that my old chum Jim Hay wood had whis 
 pered to me, and they had buried me, and this 
 was death ! I no sooner got out of that worry 
 than I began to think I d been buried alive on 
 purpose, some fiendish plan to torture my life 
 out by slow degrees. Were you ever buried ? " 
 
 The Colonel turned to one or two fellows in 
 the room, who laughed. 
 
 "Well, it s unutterably horrible, that s all 
 I can say. Creeping, slimy worms crawl over 
 your face, and try to burrow under your eye 
 lids, and ugh ! into your ears. You can t move. 
 I imagined they were writhing and creeping 
 into my very brain. I thought I should shriek 
 with the horror of it as that awful day went 
 on; then, thank God, came the whisky, and 
 I got my head loose in the earth so I could 
 twist it. I could n t hear a sound except the 
 tread of feet on the ground feet going and 
 coming endlessly. The boom-boom rumble of 
 a heavy gun-carriage, the cannonading of 
 
286 Yale Yarns. 
 
 horses feet, the march of infantry, the light 
 footsteps of some one running. Oh, what a 
 dreadful day that was ! and I lay stark and 
 stiff, biting the end of a musket barrel for 
 breath ! 
 
 " Over and again through my head, I remem 
 ber, ran the verses in Maud, we knew Tenny 
 son s Maud by heart when I was in college, and 
 swore by it : 
 
 Dead, long dead. Long dead ! 
 
 And my heart is a handful of dust, 
 And the wheels go over my head 
 
 And my bones are shaken with pain, 
 For into a hollow grave they are thrust ! 
 
 " Then in the afternoon I grew very tired 
 and weary, and it seemed as if I could feel the 
 swing of the earth as it rolled in space, and I 
 felt myself getting lighter and lighter and rising 
 in the air; and it seemed as if I hung a distance 
 above my grave, and looking down saw the sol 
 diers marching past. Then Jim must have got 
 some whisky down the tube, for I felt myself 
 drawn down to earth again, and amid unutter 
 able pain and anguish I re-entered my body, 
 and lived. 
 
 " Of the two experiences, dying is not half 
 
"Chums over in Old South." 287 
 
 so hard to endure as coming back to conscious 
 ness and taking up again the thread of life, 
 Nothing has so clearly demonstrated to my 
 mind the presence of a soul in the body, a ten 
 ant outside of brain, tissue, flesh, and blood, 
 who at death is released and escapes. I say 
 that is the conscious feeling. I also felt great 
 expansion, freedom, and coming back to my 
 body, and its trivial life seemed narrowing 
 and belittling to me. 
 
 " That night Jim and his faithful negro ser 
 vant, whom I afterwards got installed in South 
 as a sweep, do any of you remember Alston ? 
 dug me up, resurrected me, and revived me 
 with food and whisky. I lay an hour on the 
 ground sick and faint and unable to move, 
 holding Jim s hand, while he whispered about 
 old times on the fence and on the campus, and 
 tried to cheer me up and get me on my feet. 
 I had a long way to walk that night, as you 
 may believe. 
 
 " Why, old boy ! it was not half so bad as 
 the Freshman initiation into Alpha Sigma Phi, 
 said Jim ; and don t you remember the Fresh 
 man we buried in the campus, and Professor 
 Brown caught us ? 
 
288 Yale Yarns. 
 
 " I d rather be shot again than buried 
 again, I said feebly. A bullet is more merci 
 ful than a grave. 
 
 " I lay down on the ground behind a tree, 
 while Alston and Jim went to work filling up 
 the grave again. While they were at it, we 
 heard the clattering of horses hoofs and an offi 
 cer rode up. 
 
 " What are you doing in that hole? he 
 asked in a thick, drunken voice. Has any one 
 (hie) been body-snatching round yere ? 
 
 " * No, Major, said Jim. We received or 
 ders to re-examine the clothes of the spy who 
 was shot this morning, and search for further 
 despatches, that s all. 
 
 " The Major leapt off his horse. Curse the 
 
 d d Yankee spy ! he growled, drawing his 
 
 sword, and stabbing in the loose earth to the 
 hilt, where I had lain. Somehow, the blade 
 slipping through the miry earth seemed to me 
 to be slipping through my very body also, and 
 I closed my eyes in horror, and faintness. 
 
 " The Major wiped his blade with some leaves. 
 
 1 Curse the d d Yankee! he said. The 
 
 Federals in some way have got news of our 
 movements and they have changed their lines. 
 
"Chums over in Old South! 289 
 
 " Well, there is an end of this fellow ! said 
 Jim, as Alston filled up the grave and made it 
 even with the surface. 
 
 " After some further parley, the Major finally 
 took himself off, and when all \vas quiet again, 
 I got up and brushed the dirt from my hair and 
 clothes. I could scarcely stand, and Jim Hay- 
 wood gave me a long pull from his canteen and 
 some scraps of bread and meat, and then we 
 moved off into the woods, and walked along in 
 silence for an hour. 
 
 " I want you to give me your parole you 
 will go home and leave the army when you get 
 back inside the Federal lines, said Jim, at 
 last. 
 
 " I can t, Jim ; I can t leave the army until 
 my time is up. 
 
 " You must give your parole, Dick! It is 
 only fair to me. You are my prisoner, and 
 either you give me your word that you will 
 leave the Federal army, or I 11 march you back 
 to camp, and report a capture. You will be 
 sent to Andersonville as a prisoner of war, we 
 won t shoot you as a spy. But I can t let you 
 go back to your lines and fight against us again. 
 
 I have more sense of honor than that. That 
 19 
 
290 Yale Yarns. 
 
 would be aiding and abetting the enemy and 
 not merely saving the life of a friend. 
 
 " I 11 give you my word, Jim, I 11 never do 
 any more scouting. I Ve done with that ! 
 
 " No, that s not enough. I counted on 
 your giving me your parole, Dick. It is only 
 right. 
 
 " I 11 agree to get transferred to the west 
 ern frontier ! 
 
 " No, give me your word you 11 go home, 
 or I 11 march you back to camp, where I 11 see 
 to it that you are sent a prisoner of war to 
 Andersonville. I won t let them shoot you 
 as a spy, Dick ! 
 
 " * Thanks, Jim. You are very kind/ I said. 
 But I m in the fight to stay ! 
 
 " Then we sat down side by side on the edge 
 of a cornfield and argued the matter for half an 
 hour. Neither of us liked to give in then any 
 more than we did when we were Brothers * 
 together at Yale. At last Jim got up and said 
 sternly : 
 
 " * There is another way to settle this thing. 
 
 * The Colonel referred to one of the two famous debating 
 societies at Yale, " Brothers" and " Linonia," which ceased 
 to exist in 1873. 
 
"Chums aver in Old South" 291 
 
 If you won t do what is right in one way, you 
 shall in another. I won t shoot an unarmed 
 man, here, take this pistol. I will advance 
 twenty paces and then turn and we will both 
 commence firing. Whoever survives, Alston 
 will lead safely to his lines. So ! On these 
 terms I release you ! 
 
 " Jim ! I cried, as he handed me a revolver. 
 Do you think I can try to kill the man who 
 has just saved my life ? Here, shoot me if you 
 like, I cannot and will not fire at you ? 
 
 " He hesitated a moment, wavering ; then 
 said, in a harsh voice, I remember, You have 
 my final terms! Then he advanced, counting 
 off his ten paces in the open field. The 
 feeble moonlight trickled down through the fine 
 pine branches of the wood. It was warm and 
 clear. Far off I could hear the roll of the 
 drums. We could not be far from the Federal 
 lines. I felt like making a dash for liberty, but 
 I was too weak and exhausted with that long 
 day s suffocation under ground to attempt it. 
 Besides, I knew that to Jim s sense of South 
 ern chivalry, such conduct would seem all the 
 more cowardly as he had stated the terms of 
 my release, and I was in honor bound to them. 
 
292 Yale Yarns. 
 
 So, you see, I just stood there pistol in hand, 
 looking at Jim. 
 
 " He reached his twenty yards, stood a mo 
 ment his back to me. Alston withdrew behind 
 a pine, out of danger. 
 
 " * Make ready, Dick ! called out Jim. * I m 
 going to shoot ! 
 
 " God forgive you ! I called back to him, 
 and almost immediately he turned and fired. 
 The first ball flew over my head. The second 
 grazed my shoulder. I looked steadily at Jim, 
 he was firing blindly, his hand over his eyes." 
 
 " He fired again ! and I felt a sharp sting in 
 my left arm. 
 
 " For God s sake ! shoot at me, Dick ! he 
 cried, in an agonized voice. But of course I 
 refused. In another instant twenty or thirty 
 men seemed to leap out of the ground and sur 
 round us. They were Union soldiers, the 4th 
 of Ohio, and my life was saved the third time 
 that day. 
 
 " Jim made a show of fight, but was captured 
 and we were all taken to headquarters at once. 
 
 " To make a long story short, I represented 
 to General Hancock that Jim had saved my life, 
 and, after a day or two, through my intercession 
 
"Chums over in Old South" 293 
 
 he was discharged and allowed to return to his 
 regiment. 
 
 " I never could bring myself to speak to him 
 again. I was sorely wounded in the arm and 
 in the hospital I could not forgive him then 
 and requested not to see him when he was re 
 leased. Poor Jim Hay wood was killed in the 
 Wilderness before Richmond. Later on, I have 
 come to regard his conduct with less feeling of 
 anger and astonishment, and with more charity. 
 In his Southern nature and education, he had 
 only done what he believed to be the honora 
 ble thing to his cause and to his friend. 
 
 " The result of his third shot, combined 
 with a surgeon s bungling principally the lat 
 ter I carry with me to this day" and amid 
 a breathless silence the Colonel lifted the stump 
 of his arm and let it fall. 
 
 " All I can add is that I owe my life to my 
 dear old Alma Mater and to Jim my old 
 chum over in South Boys, War is a cursed sort 
 of thing and a war between friends is awful ! " 
 
 Then Colonel Paige, visibly affected, rose, 
 buttoned up his coat, was helped on with his 
 overcoat and hat, and shaking hands with a 
 number of Boots friends, left the room. 
 
COMMENCEMENT, 
 
 " Some back from the threshold shrink, 
 
 As loath from the past to part, 
 But the most plunge over the brink 
 With never a fear at heart." 
 
 " Then silent closes the door 
 
 At the sound of the last old chime, 
 And the key, for evermore, 
 
 Is turned by the keeper, Time ! " 
 
 SCOLLARD. 
 
 BEFORE the day of large classes, Commence 
 ment * (so-called because it comes at the close of 
 the college year) formerly ended the four years 
 of student life at Yale in a glory of scholastic 
 furor and excitement. It was a sort of annual 
 parade of the learning and scholarship of every 
 member of the class. Fifty and a hundred years 
 ago our forefathers debated in set Latin phrases, 
 
 * This year (1895) marks a great change in the Yale Com 
 mencement exercises. Many improvements in the speaking 
 have been made. Music is now a greater feature of the pro 
 gramme. Commencement is now to be made a pleasurable 
 occasion. 
 
 294 
 
Commencement. 295 
 
 held dialogues in Greek, and established tre 
 mendous reputations for learning, among the 
 open eyed and astonished audience of mothers, 
 sisters, cousins, and aunts who, through the long, 
 hot Commencement Day, heard of and mar 
 velled at the heroes of Greece and Rome and 
 the various dignitaries of the ancient world, 
 and all the virtues and defects of the pagans, 
 with hardly an allusion to the stirring life about 
 them. 
 
 Among many of the smaller rural colleges 
 the custom is still maintained of making Com 
 mencement Day an annual exhibit of students 
 and faculty. The latter sit in solemn state up 
 on the stage. One by one, in all the garish 
 light of day, appear the pale and terrified Sen 
 iors, in evening dress, and make their parting 
 bow. It means something to graduate when 
 one may be overwhelmned by bouquets and see 
 one s relations in tears over an eloquent perora 
 tion upon the " Age of Pericles." There is a keen 
 excitement in seeing one s younger brother, at 
 home a modest, amusing, and unassumingyoung 
 fellow enough, suddenly displayed before an 
 audience as a defender of Oliver Cromwell, or 
 a patron of Washington. At Yale it comes to 
 
296 Yale Yarns. 
 
 but few to display their gifts of oratory. All 
 of our heroes, excepting the good Deacon 
 Demarest and Averill, received their degree in 
 batches of eight or ten and in silence or amid 
 the warbling of a brass band. Once they re 
 ceived their " sheep-skins," they rushed out on 
 the green in boisterous squads and fought and 
 tussled for the precious labels of scholarship 
 the very A.B. s of the real life to come ! 
 
 Commencement came to them with a curious 
 mingling of humor and sentiment, bringing a 
 realizing sense of desolate partings, and the 
 packing of dusty books ; of farewells, and bar 
 gaining off of old furniture to fresh young gentle 
 men of rosy cheeks and hopeful tendencies ; of 
 teas and dances and jollity, and dismal prepara 
 tions to leave the old place forever. 
 
 It seemed quite absurd to them to see their 
 familiar classmates fluttering and fussing about 
 among the " queens " in their unfamiliar black 
 Oxford gowns, and mortar boards, it gave them 
 all a weird, uncanny look, as Miss Kitty Nelson 
 oftimes remarked. Little Jack called the black 
 gowns shrouds, and went about in his, looking 
 utterly ridiculous, but sad and disconsolate, 
 spoke in lowered tones, as if at a funeral. 
 
Commencement. 297 
 
 The proverbial Commencement weather, of 
 course, was " hot, hotter, hottentottest," and 
 the Senior Prom, Glee Club concert, and 
 Harvard ball game, and Class Histories were 
 enjoyed in a state of pleasing and warm ap 
 preciation, which did all the greater credit to 
 their remarkable class. 
 
 A great crowd turned out on the Campus to 
 listen to 4< Little Jack s " history, and it was suffi 
 ciently veracious to be embodied in this bundle 
 of stories without any alteration. Among other 
 matters, he told of the bonfires which the class 
 had built, in spite of the faculty, in Soph. year. 
 
 " In the spring term of Soph, year," he said, 
 " the faculty issued a decree that there should 
 be no more bonfires started on the Campus in 
 celebration of athletic victories. They were 
 afraid of injuring the grass \Laughter\ ; but we, 
 who had studied phleebottomy of the class of 
 Umpty Three, knew that a bonfire was useful 
 in destroying the worms on the elm leaves, and 
 decided to have one. 
 
 " The ingenious plan was suggested by no 
 other than good " Deacon " Demarest [Laugh 
 ter}. A hundred men were each to secretly pro 
 vide themselves with a box or a barrel, filled 
 
298 Yale Yarns. 
 
 with hay and saturated with kerosene. And 
 then, as the chapel bell struck nine o clock, each 
 holder of barrel or box was to run at top speed 
 to a certain spot, deposit his lignum flamm<z, 
 and hurry away again into outer darkness, un 
 recognized by friend or foe. 
 
 " This was done as the chapel bell tolled out 
 the hour, that night From out the darkness, 
 flying to a common centre, as if by witchcraft, 
 came the hundred boxes and barrels, and soon 
 a noble pile was the result. The last man lit 
 the pile, and a sheet of flame roared heaven 
 ward, which drove the worms into their holes 
 forever a flame which the faculty could not 
 approach and molest, so fervent was the heat 
 and around which we danced until the morn, 
 and celebrated our victorious team. 
 
 " Then the faculty posted a second edict, 
 that no bonfires should be built in the College 
 yard, and any one found building such a fire, 
 should be forthwith expelled ! 
 
 " But a Princeton victory occurred the next 
 week, and the good Deacon was quite equal to 
 the emergency. An old disused farm wagon 
 was purchased from a blacksmith, and under 
 cover of night was loaded with most excellent 
 
Commencement. 299 
 
 tar barrels, yea, verily, the load of tar barrels 
 reached the height of some twenty cubits on 
 the wagon. 
 
 " Then a modest but stalwart band of Dwight 
 Hall heelers drew the wagon to the Elm Street 
 entrance on the Campus, and some ingenious 
 deacon touched the affair off with a lighted 
 match. \^Laughter^\ 
 
 11 Then, as quietly as possible, they ran the 
 wagon in on the Campus and tried to knock off 
 a wheel, so that it should not thereafter be re 
 moved by meddling members of the faculty, 
 but there was no time for this and the heelers 
 had to fly to their rooms, and leave the wagon 
 to its fate. 
 
 " The fire got well going ; the blaze promptly 
 reached the elm branches and destroyed what 
 worms were left. Then the fun began. You 
 see, it wasn t started on the Campus. And 
 when the faculty came out in full force they 
 could accuse no one, and the tutors and moni 
 tors tried to drag the wagon out of the yard. 
 It was quite as warm near that wagon as it is 
 here to-day, and they d try to drag it a little 
 way, and then have to beat a retreat in a half 
 scorched condition. It was the hottest fire I, 
 
300 Yale Yarns. 
 
 or any other member of the faculty, ever saw. 
 I assure you it makes the temperature rise ten 
 degrees about me here, to read this yarn but 
 the truth of history must prevail ! [Laughter.~] 
 
 " They got a long rope and dragged the 
 affair across the yard behind the buildings, 
 toward the Art School ; then they found that 
 the coppers would n t let them carry it out into 
 Chapel Street, and they turned it around and 
 toted it along towards Alumni Hall. Then a 
 lot of students got hold of the rope and they 
 ran the bonfire down to Durfee, and then Pro 
 fessor Dribble came out and got very angry 
 indeed, and ordered it pulled over to the Library 
 and out into High Street. So over there it 
 went, a wonder it did n t set every dormitory 
 on the Campus afire ! And when last seen, it 
 was blazing away in the old gym. lot." 
 
 " Well, the faculty gathered in a lot of names, 
 but the testimony all went to show that the 
 fire was not built on the Campus, and so no 
 one of the Dwight Hall heelers was ever pun 
 ished. [Laughter.] They changed the wording 
 of the edict next day, and it now reads, Any 
 one who shall assist in building a bonfire on 
 the Campus, or bring such fire upon the Cam- 
 
Commencement. 30 1 
 
 pus, shall be expelled. But I expect that in 
 some way obscure to us now, future students 
 will manage to evade this just, yet terrible law." 
 
 The " Crowd " played a final joke on Little 
 Jack himself, as he finished his history and 
 bowed amid the applause of the surrounding 
 open-air amphitheatre. As the fat little chap 
 stood bowing and smiling upon the platform, 
 a bouquet was thrown to him, and, as he 
 blushed and stooped to pick it up, it crept 
 along the stage ; he stooped for it, and it van 
 ished, amid great laughter ! One of the 
 Crowd, whom he d been guying more or 
 less unmercifully, had tied a fish line to the 
 bouquet with a nefarious design to get even. 
 But Little Jack merely laughed and said of the 
 bouquet, " Not lost, but gone before," and was 
 more popular than ever. 
 
 They helped plant the class ivy on the Library 
 wall ; they chanted the Ivy Ode, a graceful ef 
 fort of Barrington s ; they took in the Art 
 Reception, and danced for the last time with 
 some of the pretty girls, but they left early, 
 voting it a rather melancholy affair. 
 
 They attended the spread in Alumni Hall. 
 They bade farewell to everybody and every- 
 
302 Yale Yarns. 
 
 thing ; then they gathered on the fence in front 
 of Durfee, with Little Jack in their midst and 
 there was a silent smoke together. The last 
 smoke as undergrads. 
 
 " Do you remember," said Barrington, after a 
 long silence, " when we roomed up on York 
 Street, Paige, how the name * Boots got fitted 
 onto you ? The Sophs, broke into our room 
 and made you and me stand on chairs and re 
 cite hymns, and the only hymn you could think 
 of was : 
 
 I hear those boots, those b-b-b-boots 
 
 A coming down the stairs, 
 Fra Diavolo, the Robber ! 
 Fra Diavolo, the opera ! 
 
 " We all took it up as a class song afterward, 
 and a good one it is, too. Oh, those Freshman 
 days ! It seems a long while ago, now, does n t 
 it ? I wish we had them to live over again. 
 I m sure we d be better, work harder, see the 
 advantages of study / " 
 
 "Rats!" said several. "We Ve done very 
 well as it is. We Ve not been dropped." 
 
 " I would n t care, if we were all going to be 
 together somewhere," said Little Jack, mourn 
 fully. 
 
Commencement. 303 
 
 "We ll all go up to New London." 
 
 " And then ? " 
 
 " Oh, the world s yawning for us." 
 
 "Yes, if it s half asleep it is!" said Little 
 Jack. " But I don t think the world intends to 
 be caught napping ! " 
 
 How silent and dark the buildings looked ! 
 Most of them seemed to have already donned 
 their vacation habiliments of woe. Lights 
 glimmered from but few windows, and these 
 presumably of some weary tutor pursuing the 
 evanescent and illusive " average " through a 
 mass of Sophomoric examination papers. 
 
 The moonlight trickled down through the elm 
 branches on the turrets and towers of the old 
 library and the mass of dormitory and old 
 chapel steeple, its mystic influence concealed 
 the defects, the architectural blemishes of the 
 rugged brick lines, and made an idealization 
 possible of the Yale that was now lost to them 
 forever. 
 
 The Campus, with the white tent in front of 
 Alumni Hall, where the swarm of grads. had 
 encamped, was now invaded by a horde of 
 dusky savages, baggage wagons, and a sound 
 of rattling plates. To add to the mournfulness 
 
304 Yale Yarns. 
 
 of the scene, a dog shut up in some upper 
 room in Farnam, made night hideous with his 
 agonizing howls. 
 
 " That s Elmer s dog * Pat, " said Paige. 
 " He s gone out to a reception, I suppose, and 
 locked Pat in his room." 
 
 Little Jack said nervously, " I hope Elmer is 
 coming back soon." He edged himself up on 
 the fence. 
 
 " Do you remember the small w r hite bull-ter 
 rier I had when I roomed with old Waters, in 
 South Middle, Soph. year? Do you remember 
 Fannie? I got her third term Freshman. She 
 was a thoroughbred ! Somehow, hearing that 
 dog, I keep thinking of poor little Fannie, the 
 only creature I think I ever really loved. She 
 lies buried here in the Campus. 
 
 " She could do no end of tricks, brought me 
 my pipe, my slippers, could dance on her hind 
 legs. I thought the world of her, little beauty ! 
 She would hear my whistle and run to me 
 wherever I was. How well I remember her 
 short, sharp little bark ! She fell sick and I fed 
 her her meals from a teaspoon. She would n t 
 let any one else feed her. I watched over her 
 and nursed her to life again. She had a little 
 
Commencement. 305 
 
 way of sitting up at my window on the fourth 
 story in South, and watching for me. Poor 
 little Fan ! 
 
 " * Sport " Waters was fond of her, too, in his 
 way, she was a first-class ratter, and we had 
 some fun with her in the room. When she got 
 her dander up, she was n t afraid of anything 
 in the world ! She knew as much as a human 
 being, too ; she saved my life once, waking up 
 and barking when the student lamp got afire, 
 and my bed caught and would have burned me 
 alive. Waters was out and I fell asleep, read 
 ing in bed. Well, you can believe I thought 
 a good deal of Fannie after that ! 
 
 " She was with us at New London, when I was 
 cox on the crew, and she had as sharp an eye 
 for good rowing, as any man I ever saw. Some 
 times they d let me carry her in the boat. 
 Oh, every-one in New London knew Fannie 
 that year ! 
 
 " Well, one warm night in October it was, 
 Sport and I were going over to dinner, and 
 we were in a hurry and came away from the 
 room, and snapped the door to and left Fannie 
 shut up inside, by accident. When we got down 
 in the yard, we thought of her, but I was too 
 
 
306 Yale Yarns. 
 
 d d lazy to go back up four flights for her 
 
 and let her out. 
 
 " I looked up at the window, and, by Jove ! 
 it had been carelessly left open, and there 
 stood Fan, looking down and barking, her 
 dear little head on one side, in the way she had. 
 
 " Well, I think Waters unthinkingly whis 
 tled to her, she saw us, and, good God ! she 
 gave a little whine and jumped ! We were 
 hurrying away, and you know a dog, we 
 did n t see her ; all we heard was a dull thud, 
 and there lay poor Fannie, perfectly still on the 
 stone side-walk. I picked her up gently ; she 
 was not quite dead, her back broken, though. 
 I carried her upstairs. I did n t want any 
 dinner that night. I went up to the room and 
 laid her down on the sofa, and I confess, I cried ! 
 Oh, I was a boy then, you know ! I put my 
 arms around her, and, just feebly trying to lick 
 my hand with her tongue, she died," 
 
 " That s a nice yarn to tell to-night ! " said 
 Aldrich, gloomily. 
 
 But Little Jack continued : 
 
 " When Sport Waters came in from dinner, 
 he looked at Fannie, and then, without a word, 
 he went right out and got on a jag. It was his 
 
Commencement. 307 
 
 way, poor Waters, to drown his feelings. He 
 got full the day he was dropped, too. 
 
 " That night we went out and got a spade, 
 and w r e secretly buried Fannie, half a dozen of 
 us, at the foot of an elm. Dear little dog! " 
 
 There was a short silence. 
 
 " And I feel fellows, that that s the way I m 
 always going to be out in the cold world too 
 
 d d selfish and lazy and careless all my life. 
 
 I could n t even go up and get Fannie, and 
 I m blue as indigo, and, and, I wish I was 
 just coming down from Andover, instead of 
 being on the outside now, and and " 
 
 Paige put his arms around Little Jack s neck 
 and hugged him. 
 
 " Great " Barrington said, sharply : 
 
 " Boys, it s too d n dismal out here 1 
 
 1 in going over to the Club for a little lemon 
 ade. Will you all come along? " 
 
 And they all followed him, for the last time. 
 
 THE END. 
 
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