PR 3429 D86r DUDLEY RIVALCANDIDATES THE LIBRARY OF THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LOS ANGELES on the last date stamped below UNIVERSITY of CALIFOi AT LO .ES THE RIVAL CANDIDATES: A COMIC OPERA In Two ACTS; AS IT IS NOW PERFORMING AT THE THEATRE ROYAL I N DRURY-LANE. By the Rev. HENRY BATE. LONDON: printed : Sold by T. BECKET, corner of the Adelphi - buildings, in the Strand ; and by W. GRIFFIN, No. 6, Catharine-ftreet, M,DCC,LXXY. DEDICATION. To Mrs. G A R R I C K. MADAM ! PERHAPS you were not aware, when you were kind enough to fliew an early counte- nance to the following petite OPERA, that fo in- dulgent an overture, entitled it in ibme meafur to your future patronage , indeed, notwithftanrd- ing this circumftance, you might probably have efcaped the prefenr mortifying Htuation, had not the author conceived, that his piece owes no in- confiderable mare of its dramatic effecb to your tafte and judgment: hence arofe an appeal to his fadings, too powerful to be treated with filent indifference. I mean not, however, to alarm your delicacy, by a recital of thfe accoinplimmehts, which have long rendered you an ornament: of the mod faliionable circles ; nor by recounting thofe private virtues, which ftamp you one of the firft patterns of domeftic felicity -, fadls however agree- able or inftru&ive they might prove to fociety, I decline enumerating, in compliment to female diffidence. Having DEDICATION. Having therefore made the acknowledgement I conceive due upon this occafion, it is high time for me frankly to confefs, that vanity had fome influence over me, when I prefnmed to think of Mrs. GARRICK for the patronefs of this my FIRST ESSAY. J remain with great rcfyeft+. Your mo/I obedient, and devotgd Servant^ HEN. BATE. ADVERTISEMENT. V fTHHE RIVAL CANDIDATES is an attempt IN JL of the dramatic kind, undertaken by the ^ writer from no motive of literary vanity, but in order to introduce to the world, a young mufical compofer, whofe tafte he conceived might do honour to his profeflion. The reformer of the Englifh drama no fooner was informed of him, than he kindly confented to ^ an early trial ot his abilities, and difcovered a ge- ^. nerous anxiety for his fuccefs. ^ A The author arrogates to himfelf but a moderate (hare of that univerfal applaufe with which his piece has been received, particularly when he re- collects how much of it is derived from the kind ( ^ attention of Mr. GARRICK, in the double capaci- ty, of friend, and manager ; and what immenfe claims thofe refpectable peribns have, who fill his little canvafs with fuch credit to themfelves, and ^ their profeflion. To fingle out any oneofthefe celebrated performers, when all fo kindly com- bined to produce, what is deemed a ftriking repre- lentation in the comic ftyle, would be a tafk un- pleafing as ungenerous. And therefore, as they have been equally zealous in their endeavjurs, as i.-r>y in the execution cf their feveral characters, he wifres them, jointly to accept, the returns of a grateful heart. DR A- DRAMATIS PERSONS, BYRON, Mr. Vernon. Sir HARRY MUFF, Mr. Dodd. GENERAL WORRY, Mr. Parfons. SPY, Mr. Wefton. FIRST GARDENER, Mr. Bannifter. Mr. Kear, UNDER GARDENERS, Mr. Fawcett* N ARC is s A, Mrs. Baddely. JENNY, Mrs. Wrighten. SCENE, A COUNTRT VILLA, &c. THE RIVAL CANDIDATES. ACT. I SCENE I. A Hall in General WORRY'S houfe, adorned with mili- tary trophies ; through the folding doors of which, it feen a part of the garden. NARCISSA and JENNY. Jenny. . TNDEED ma'm I don't like to go J[ near him ; befides, what the deuce fhould he want with me ? Nor. Oh fome frefh complaints^ I'll warrant you : but I defire you'd go. Jenny. Lud ma'm ! he's fuch; an old fufpicious mor- tal, that I can do no good with him : and its a fhame to throw away good reafoning, and fnie feutiment, upon fo unfeeling a Nar. Pi ith.ee, don't be trifting now, girl, but go to hj^rn, and let us know the worff. s Well, to oblige you, ma'm ? I'll venture any [Exit Jenny. B Nar- 2 THE RIVAL CANDIDATES: NarcifTa alone. Why was T doom'd to envy the free-born villager r or what do I derive from fortune or education, but reflections, which render my confinement infupport- able. The family quarrel which feparates me from the man I love, and my father's unreafonable fufpi- cions lie heavy on my fpirits : deny'd even to breathe that pure air, which nature defigned as a common blef- fmg to all her creatures! Surely the time will come when I {hall regain my liberty, and my Byron have an opportunity of refuming the tender fubjecl: of his paf- fion, fo cruelly cut off in its infancy. . A I R I. Mrs. Soft FANCY thou truant to me, My fummons oh quickly obey ! Neglected by BYHON and thee, How heavily pafles the day ! Thy charms I've miftaken for Love's, So artfully doft thou beguile, Thy magic enlivens the groves, When he has forgotten to fmile ! Enter JENNY hajiily. Jenny. Oh dear, ma'm ! charming new?, ma'm ! Nar. Thou art a mad girl : but what is the caufe of this tranfport ? Jenny. Lud m'am ! as I hope to live and breath, "your papa is going down to the borough to vote for his friend, Mr. Indigo, the Nabob, arid his nephew, Sir Harry Muff, the fweet fpark that lines his clothes with fur in the dog-days and your lover that is to be Nar, A COMIC OPERA. 3 Nar. My Jove that is to be ! but prithee go on . Jen. And fo, ma'm, he has given us leave to divert ourfelves in the plantations, till he returns : he fent Spy in iearch of you, to tell you of it before he faw me, .Nar. Indeed * Jen. Yes, indeed, and indeed, ^4 a ' m I wltti I could \ztfomebody know of it, that -he might pay us a vint. . Nar. That's impoflible, Jtnny : but foft ! here comes my father's cabinet counfellor. Enter SPY. Nor. Well, Sir, what's your bufinefs ? Spy. Bufinefs, madam ! no great matter of bufi- nefs truly ; only his worfhip ordered me to tell you, that he was going to the election at Tipplewclls and fo if you thought fit, you and Mrs. Jenny might re- create yourfelves in the pleafure grounds (as it's a fine day) till he returns. Jen. There's kindnefs for you, madam ! * Spy. But" hie charg'd me to tell you, he'd have no lolling out of the fummer-houfe window that looks to the high-road ; nor no finging, for fear you fhould fcare the wild-ducks that are hatching in the ifland j nor no Jen. Opening our eyes, I fuppofe, for fear we ftiould fee any thing In the fhape of a man !r ^now your bolt's (hot ! Your mafter's very kind truly,, af- ter depriving us of every enjoyment for three months paft, he now fets a difh before us, and generoufly tells us we muft not taite of it. B 2 4 THE RIVAL CANDIDATES: Spy. Why you know, Mrs. Jenny, I would refufe you nothing i not even if JBU were to take a liking to me myfelf. Jtn. That would be'afme difh indeed! Nar. Come, come, no more of this ; you may tell your matter, I think myfelf obliged to him, even for this limited indulgence : what does the fellow ftand fo like a ftatue for ? Spy*. I only waits to let you in, that's all. Nar* You may fave yourfelf that trouble, by giving the keys to my maid. yen. Come give them to me, Sir. Spy.- But axing your pardon, Mifs Narajfa, that's not the cafe neither ; I was ordered to lock the garden doors after you, and carry the keys back to your papa. Nar, Lock us in, for what ? Jen. Ay, for what, Sir ? Spy. /For for oh f i only for fear the iurkies (hould get in, and eat up all the ftrawberries, that's ail. i Nor. I underftand my father's cruel fufpiciops ; but thou haft more delicacy than thy mailer ; go open the gates. [Exit Spy. Jen. Now, ma'm! if Mr. Byron be the gentle- man I take 'him for," he'll find it out Come how or other that the old gentleman has left hts watch, and be here in the twinkling of an eye.- Nar. Ah Jenny! 'tis' three long- weeks Jtn. So it is Ma'm, firice he blew you the laft kifs from the orchard-wall, by moonlight : 'I'm fure it al moft A CO M 1C OPERA. almoft melted my heart, it was fent up with fuch a deep iigh : poor young gentleman ! I wifh I was not of (b tender a conftitution myfelf in thefe cafes. Nar. Heigh day ! why I fhall look upon thee as my rival prefcntly : -Well, I muft confefs girl, that Byron finds in thee a powerful advocate, and I, a faithful con- fidante : I hope we lhall be enabled to rewanfthy fidelity. Jen. I fhould be fufflciently repaid, Ma'm, in feeing you happy : dear me ! if he would but come now and offer himfelf a candidate here, we might have a fnug little election of our own : he fhould have my vote, and if I know any thing of eyes, I don't think, but you'd immediately retuni him. Nar. Faith, I cannot fwear that I wou'd not, Jenny. Jen. Lord, Ma'm ! I can eafily clamber over the pales if they do lock us in : let me go then, and fee if I can find him any where. Nar. Heavens, girl, not for the world ! after fuch an imprudent advance on my part, I need not wonder if a cool indifference fhould fucceed on his : for I have been told, Jenny, that men always fet a value upon a conqueft, in proportion to the eafe, or difficulty with which it isobtain'd : and yet I long to fee him ! but come, I am impatient to enjoy once more the beauties of nature : I am going into the drawing-room for my book -, you'll find me at one of my favourite feats, where I really long to reft myfelf, [Exit Nar. JENNY, alone. Poor young lady ! I wonder (he holds ft out fo long : fio fleep o'nights, and her little heart hurry fcurry, hurry fcurry 1 all day : the deuce take the men fay I, for a pack of unfeeling numlkulls ; they are all alike 6 THE RIVAL CANDIDATES: wonderfully loving, when locks and bars are between ; but if you give 'em a favourable opportunity, not one in ten of them has the brains to make ufe of it. AIR II. Mrs. Wrighten. Fie ! fie ! filly man, Your foft nonfenfe forego, No heart you'll trepan With your fighing heigho ! For that's not the way a fond damfel to woo ; A truce to your whining, Your fobbing, and pining \ But prefs her ! Carefs her ! The bufinefs is 4one, and {he'll foon buckle too. [Exit "Jenny, SCENE A C O MI C OPERA. SCENE II. Enter GENERAL WORRY, difcoverlng JENN'Y as Jhn goes off". Gen. There's a baggage for you now ! Zounds T if I had ftole a march upon her a minute fooner, I ihould have catch'd 'em out ! Damme, if the life I now lead is not more perilous, than when I was upon the coaft of France, and expelled a mine to be fprung upon me every ftep I advanced. A fine bouncing girl, fcribbling dying fongs, and love letters, from morning till night, and fnivelling day after day for Liberty, in order to run away with fome fcape-gracc, who'll cut my throat to get in for my fortune ; and an abigaH, crafty enough to debauch the morals of a Lapland vir- gin ! It's too much for an invalid of fixty-five ! But, upon fecond thought, there can come no great harm on letting them out for a little while : befides it will give NarcifTa a bloom againft -I bring Sir Harry home with me :< [Enter SPY, whlftling, and leading a large majlijf. Spy. Here, Dragon 1 Dragon ! Gen. Well Spy ! what have you let 'em out ? Spy. Ves, your honor's worfhip, I let 'em loofe : it would have done your heart good to fee 'em : they jump'd and frifk'd about, for all the world, like rabbits in a warren. Gen. But did you double-lock all the gates ? Spy. Yes, your honor : and I've unmuzzled Dragon, and am going to let him loofe in the back yard. Gen. 8 THE RIVAL CANDIDATES: Gen. Well, that's right; but fuppofe they mould clamber over the pales and elope ? I've heard of fuch things in my time ? Spy. So have I ; but they muft fcramble deucedly if they do indeed, for the matter of that, Mrs. Jenny has a fine ftride with her. Gen. Are you fure now, Spy, that you've feen no fufpicious kind of body lurking about the grounds this week paft ? Spy. Not a foul, indeed, your honor ; nor can I track any thing but the foot of farmer Brown's Tom cat, that comes caterwauling after Mifs NarcinVs Tabby ; and, if I catch him, J fancy I fhall ftop his rambles. G&t. Well then, all's well ! but I'm wafteing time- here F1I fet out nothing fhould have tempted me from home, but the fear of affronting my old friend fndigo : Sir Harry will have a fine eftate, in a ring-fence, clofc to mine, he's worth a little powder. Come $f^ you? and Dragon to your pofts : you muft have an hawk's eye upon 'em ; and be fure you don't tipple upon, guard : behave like a fpldier to day, and I'll give you, leave to get drunk to morrow by day break. Spy. Thank your honor, I'll take you at your word : Ageing returns] your worfliip ^pointing to Dragon] we are. 4 pair of ftaunch friends^ or deadly eftemies. [ Exit with- Dfag&n-. } Gen. - Now I recollect, there is certainly a conipi- racy againft me, for I traced a man's foot upoa the- tulip-bed, a fall inch longer than Spy's or aay of the gardeners. If I find her out, I don't know what I fhali do in my paHion ! - perhaps take a fecccid rib, and ge^ a fon and heir to difinherit her I A I R A COMIC OPERA. A I R III. Mr. Parfons. What new curfes fpring up, To replenifh man's cup, 'Tho' heaven in pity has borrowed his wife ! His daughter will grieve him, With plots to deceive him : But mine ! oh, I'll match her The firft time I catch her, Attempt, a young jade, to embitter my life [Exif. io THE R-1VAL CANDIDATES: SCENE III. NARCISSA ft/covered on a garden feat reading : JENNY entering haflily to her with a bird. "Jen. Law, ma'm !* I have caught the fweeteft little linnet in the green-houfe, that ever you faw in all your born days : how it's little heart goes pit-a-pat ! only look at it, ma'm : Nar. Depriv'd of liberty myfelf, I cannot behold the pretty captive without emotion: prithee, let it go;. Jen. But perhaps we may never catch it ae;ain, ma'rn : and I want to hang it up as a companion to my little bull-finch. Nar. The generous find more true delight in reftc- ring their pri loners to freedom, than in all the advan- tages they derive from their captivity : Pretty fpor- tive creatures ! tho' we envy them their liberty, ne- ver let it be faid, that we invade the fmalleft of their little privileges. \1Plnle the fymphony ts playing. Jenny releafes the bird.] AIR IV. RONDO. Mrs. Baddely. Love unfetter'd is a blefling Nature's commoners enjoy ; Source of raptures paft expreffing, Which no tyrant laws deftroy. Come . -A COMIC OPERA, n Come ye fongfters ! wing around me, Tell me all ye know of love : Watchful of your young you've found me ; Hark ! hey carol thro' the grove, [Love unfettered, &c. D. CAPO. Jen. Ay, ma'm ! and I'd be as free as the lark; myfelf, if I had the fortune that you'll have, and Jiot be mew'd up any longer. Nar. But there's fuch a thing as reputation, Jen- ny ; and my father never fails to tell me, 'tis to be preferved but by prudence and philofophy. Jt>2. Philofophy ! what the deuce does he mean by that ? Nar. That I fhould fubdue all my feelings I fup- pofe, in compliment to his. Jen. Is that his philofophy ? oh never think of it, ma'm, 'till you can think of nothing elfe. 1 dare fwear your papa never thought any thing about it, 'all he found himfelf a philofopher againft his 1 will. AIR V. Mrs, Wrig'-rten. Since his wormip forfooth, Having loft his fweet tooth, Forbids you Love's feaft Which no more he can tafte, Be advis'd, and he'll find you a tartar ! 4 Talk of lovers to vex him : Intrigue to perplex him : What give nature the lye ? By my ftars would not I ! 'Though I dy'd the next moment hermgrtyr. C 2 Nar. 12 THE RIVAL CANDIDATES: Nar. There's fomething of reafon in that girl j or rather, there's fomething in it I believe that flat- ters my own inclinations : be that as it may ; me- thinks if Byron were prefent, I mould not hefitate to fly with him any where. Jen. Lud ma'm ! if you could but behold yourfelf this moment, you'd fee the charming difference be- tween a defpairing damfel, and one who loves with fpirit : for my part, I always think it time enough for a woman to defpair, when you may count her age by her wrinkles. Nar. Thy pleafantry, girl, generally carries confo- lation along with it : Well ! tho'I cannot but fome- times lament his abfence, yet I receive comfort from thy council, which tells me, I mail one day or other fee a reverfe of fortune : Oh ! how tranfporting the idea, Jenny ! AIR VI. Mrs. Eaddelj. Thus the midnight tempeft raging Strikes the failor with difmay, Furious winds, and waves engaging, Banifh every hope of day ! But at dawn, their wrath fubfiding, Ocean wears a tranquil face ; Joy, through every current gliding Calms his boibm into peace. Jen. Hum ! hufh ! As I hope to be married, yon- der's that arch-mongrel Spy upon the watch behind the mulberrry-tree there ; and now hs's coming this way. A COMIC OPERA. 13 way : what if I could prevail upon him to go down to the election, and make me deputy turnkey. Nar. That's impoffible ; he gets too much by watching us, to give up his poft for nothing. yen. Do you call love nothing ? Confider what you feel yourfelf, madam, and then think of poor Spy's fufferings. Ha ! ha ! ha ! he's dying for me j and fo if he won't betray every body elfe to obey me, he fhall dangle upon that willow before I give him a fmgle grain of hope ; however, take your book, and -jo reft yourfelf in your favourite bower near the Fountain, while I try the power of my charms. He muft give up his mafter or me : fo don't fear our fuc- cefs. Nar. Profper thee my faithful girl ! [Exit Nar. Enter SPY. Spy. Your fervant, Madam Jenny : its a bkfled fine day, and you're all alone, I fee. I am with you indeed, but then I'm nobody, Mrs. Jenny, unit-Is you'd fmile upon me. Jen. Smile upon you, Mr. Spy ? you are nobody indeed ;- can an Englifh- woman, and a friend to li- berty and the rights of the conftitution, fmile upon a creature Spy. Creature ! am I a creature, Mrs. Jenny ? %vhy you make me as bad as Dragon. Jen. You are worfe, Mr. Spy : he's a dumb crea- ture, and knows no better ; but you can talk, and talk finely, Mr. Spy. Spy. Thank you for that, Mrs. Jenny : to be fure I can talk a little when I am halt cock'd. 14 THE RIVAL CANDIDATES. yen. Fie for fhame ! then, Mr. Spy ! Fie for ihame ! Can a freeborn woman like myfelf, who would give up my life, nay more perhaps my ho- nour for my country Spy. That is noble indeed ! Jenny. Shall I fmile upon a creature, who, whilft his country's rights are in danger at the election of Tipplewell, can meanly, and inglorioufly fray at home to watch the motions of two innocent young ladies, when he fhou'd be huzzaing, drinking, and breaking windows, for liberty and property? Spy. Indeed, and fo I fliould : how her fine fpeeches melt a body ! Jen. O fie for fhame, Mr. Spy ! never afk for my fmiles. My fmiles, my hand, and my heart {hall be given to a man only, and an Englijhman. Spy. I am both a man and an Englifhman : but what fignifies all that, when I've no money in my pocket : : if I had but one piece of filver to prime me with a little, no man mould ftand firmer by you and his country, than little Spy would. Jen. You fhant want for that then, tho' its the only companion to my filver thimble : here Mr. Spy. Drives him money. Spy. Now one little roguifh fmile, that I'd give a thoufand of thefe for, and the keys are your own. Jen. Deareft Mr. Spy [courtcjying and failing] I thank you ! Spy. Had they been the keys of the ftrong beer cel- lar, you mould haye had 'em ! thus 1 furrender up the garrifon for the prefent, [giving her the leys'] and now to protect the laws, liberties, and property of Old England : [going, returns,] Perhaps, Mrs. Jenny, I may A COMIC OPERA. 15 1 may return bold enough to intreat another favor, may I hope ? Jen. A patriot may hope- never to figh in vain ! Spy. That's noble again ! I'll only ftep and mount my gaters, and return in an inftant ; you fhall let me out at the back gate, and I'll whifk down to the borough as quick as a nine-pounder That for my mafter ! by your fmiles I'm bleft, Ale ! love ! and. liberty, now nre my breaflr. [Exit Spy. JENNY laughing, Ha ! ha ! ha ! there's a pretty fool now ! If the fate of a kingdom had depended upon it, the gudgeon would have bit juft the fame. Let fhort-fighted poli- ticians fay what they will about the power of money, a little well-diflembled love will go farther, take my word for it. [Exit Jenny. SCENE THE RIVAL CANDIDATES: S C EN E IV. A ferfpeff'rue view to the General's park \ on an eak tret mat the paling of which is the vfual inscription cf Men. traps, and fprihg guns, &c. Enter BYRON. By this time the old buck is loft in the genera! uproar of an election .What a lucky dog was I to catch a glimpfe of him as he pafs'd along the road ! -let him choofe whom he pleafes, I am happy that I refus'd the felicitations of my friends, as my fuccefs would btt have increafed his refentment. Give me, kind Fortune, but thy voice in Love's foft election, and I care not who are the reprefentatives of a tumultuous Borough I but; here's the bl e ft retreat of my NarcifBu A I R VII. Mr- Venum* How oft through this refponfive grove Has fofteft echo told my tale ! Aftfhen e'er fhe caught my notes of love, She gently bore them down the vale I The fcene rertew'd, rny wakeful breaft Now joyful beats to love's alarms j Ye powr*s who pity the diftreft, Tranfport me to Narci//u's arms ! A C O M I C O P E R A. 17 Heighday \[difcovering the infiription'] what new bugbear have we here ? " Men-traps and fpring- " guns fet in thefe grounds DAY and NIGHT." Well done general ! Indeed you plann'd things a little better laft war, or we fhould not have heard fo much of your exploits : ha ! ha ! ha ! fuch a de- vice might fecure your ducks and geefe, but not the game I'm in purfuit of, I aiTure you : -fo with my coufin Ranger Up I go ! up I go ! [getting upon the pales.] there now if the Cyprian deity, has not taken care to draw all the charges of his fpring-guns, and blurrt-'the teeth of his fteel-traps, I'm miftaken in my goddefs ! So love and fortune go with me. [jumps ever. ACT. i THE RIVAL CANDIDATES: ACT II. SCENE V, JENNY alone. I Knew I could coax him to make a fool of him- felf, and give me the keys : Hark ! did not I hear fomething ? No ; I believe it was only the noife of the cafcade : but it put my heart into my mouth ! Egad, if Mifs Narcifla was to be catch'd fleeping and the poor thing takes a very found nap there would be a fine fpot of work j but I believe there's no great danger, for the gardeners can't be come back from the election yet : Well, I'll e'en take a run acrofs the green, and fee if I can fpy him for her. Pretty creatures I fhould like to bring them together ! and for all (he's fo fly, and looks fo demure, my word for it (he'll have no objection. If all women were like me, they'd cut the matter very ihort, for my fongue and my heart always go together. A I A CO MIG' OPFRA. 19 A I R VIII. Mrs. Written. Fine ladies may tell us They hate pretty fellows, Defpife little Cupid hvs quiver, and dart, But when love's only by, Not a prude will deny, That man tho' a tyrant's the lord of her heart. So bewitching a creature ! So noble each feature ! My bofom commands me to take his dear part ; Then how can I conceal What my eyes will reveal ? That he muft, and he will be the lord of my heart. S CENE RIVAL CANDIDATES: SCENE VI. BYRON difcovkered In an attitude tf furprife, beholding NARCISSA a/Jeep in a Jtffiwiin bower. Byr. Surely my eyes deceive me ! or is it feme Bleeping Naiad of the neighbouring floods ? No; 'tis her ! 'tis my NarcifTa's heavenly fqrm, harmonious form'd by nature's m,atchlefs hand ! AIR IX, Mr. Vtrnon, My bofom's on re ! It throbs with defire, Say whither ye gods fhalj I fly ? Love prefles rny ftay ; But mould I obey, To my paflions a viftim I die. returns, ~-. But ftay : thus will I obey the dilates of honor as well as love. Thanks to loye and the de- fcriptive author of the Seajons. [ takes a card from bis pccket^ and ivrltes'] there : in atonement for the innocent trefpafs on thy foft repofe, I will be-r come thy watchful guardian, and protect thee from the eye of any rude obferyer : but foff ! my eager tranf- port has difturb'd her: (he wakes and fee fhe fhrinks even at nature's voice ; alarm'd, and^blufh- jng at th? doubtful breeze ! I muft conceal myfelf. [He retires behind a tree. NAR, A COMIG OPERA. a , .NARCJSSA awaking. tfar. Methought I heard fome human voice \ Thefe fleeplefs eyes, wearied with perpetual watchings, betrayed me ito (lumber : Sure no eye profane peep'd thro' yon clofe recefs, and in my unguarded mo- ments Ah ! what's here? [feeing the card] then I'm undone. [Comes forward and reads.] _^__ ... i ..., i Sleep on my fair, ' Yet unbeheld, fave by the facred eye * ( Of faithful love". I goto guard thy haunt, " To keep from thy recefs each vagrant foot, * *' And each licentious eye !" [After a paufc of wonder] ^It is - it is my Byron's well-known hand ! then why thefe mixt emotions hard to be defcrib'd ? why heaves my labouring breaft, except to bid eternal welcome to its long-lov'd lord ? No, my Byron, no ! thy virtuous merit mall go no longer unrewarded : -but where is he ? fled ! aflift nae then love's favourite mufe, that thus exprefSng my own feelings, I may alleviate the feverity of his - [She writes andjings AIR X . Mrs. Baddely. Dear youth my fond heart you have won, Tis a truth, that it cannot deny ; Love's fetters have made us but one, Then tell me, Sh ! why didtt thou fly ? My 22 THE RIVAL CANDIDATES: My hand (hall thy honour repay, As witnefs this amorous figh ! So believe me when hither you ftrav, You need not, [Byron discovering himfelf fmgs I never will fly f Nar. [dropping the card] Heavens defend me ! Byr. Forgive me, lovely maid, for thus breaking in upon thofe angelic ftrains : if I have miftaken their fweet harmonious burthen, I am fufficiently puniihed for my prefumption. Nar. [beholding him affeftitmatcly} My faithful Byron?' why fhould my tongue deny, what my looks, fighs,. and every action of my life proclaim ? In the infancy of affedion, hypocrify may be merit ; but when love is aflured of love, concealment would be folly, and prudery a crime. AIR XI. Mrs. BaddeJy and Mr. Vernm. NAR. Here I plight a maiden's vow ! BYR. By thy beauteous felf I fwear ! NAR. Thoufhalt be my guardian now I BYR. Thou {halt be my only care ! DUET. Here we plight, &e. Enter A COMIC OPERA. 23 Enter JENNY haftlly. Jtn. Oh, flop your piping ! who the deuce would have thought of feeing you here [to Byron Your papa, m'am, is this moment return'd, and Sir Harry Muff along with him ; they'll be in at the gate in the twinkling of an eye ! Nar. Oh we are undone then, what mall we do ? Byr. How for your fake mail I avoid them ? Jen. Oh dear m'am, I have it .' run both of you vrith me into the temple, and I'll bolt you in fafe enough : I've been forced to play at bo-peep with ham there a hundred and a hundred -times before now tnyfelf .. in ! in ! in ! \Extunt to the temple. SCENE 2 4 THE RIVAL CANDIDATES : SCENE VII. Gen. WORRY, and Sir HARRY MUFF. Sir Harry. No Sir ; thefe things never give a moments uneafinefs to a man of the world, Sur man htne ur. ' Gen. No ? What the devil, be kick'd out of your birthright by an impudentyoungfcoundrel, the fecondfon of an obftinate fool of a baronet, and not take fire at it ? You'd make a damn'd fine foldiej: ! Sir Harry. We take fire at nothing, Gen. Worry : You fine gentlemen of the laft century, wore yourfelves out with your gunpowder paffions before you were men : for example, your fire has burnt you to the bone, General ; fo that you are in reality, nothing but a collection of tinder and touchwood. Gen. Damme, you've not afingle fpark of fire in your whole compofition. Sir Hdrry. Paflion of any kind agitatea the human frame molt horribly j and therefore we of the high ton have no pafHons at all ; inured our lives may be pro- perly ftiled, a kind of agreeable vegetation. Gen. Agreeable vegetation ! what a devil of a hulband will this fellow make ? [afide. Sir Harry. But I'm all agog for a fight of your deli- cious daughter they tell me (he's a fine cretur j is Ihe any thing like Maria ? [Taking off bis hat] Gen. What the devil has he got there ? A pi&ure in his hat inftead of a button ! Sir Harry. Apropos, has NarciJJa good teeth ? Geu. A COMIG OPERA. 2-j Gen. What the devil will he afk me next ? [a/ide'} I'll anfwer for't, (he'll do your table no difcredit, if that's all ; but zounds -- Sir Harry. Table! why my dear General, we do not underftand each other : Do you frfioufly imagine, that teeth in this enlighten'd age, like your green handled knives and forks, are mechanically conftrucled for eat- ing ? Gen. Why, what the devil would you have 'em c'on- ftr lifted for ? Sir Harry. )uel fauvage ! (afide) why General, if you muft know, the teeth belonging to perfons of fa- ihion, are tortur'd into beauteous femi-circles, and po- lifli'd thrice a day for the admiration of the beholders. Gtn. And that's the reafon, I fuppofe, why our fine Gentlemen are always upon the broad grin j a fet of flop dawdle puppies ! Sir Harry. Why, do you really think, General, that I mould cut fo capital a figure in a fafliionable grin, if I had delv'd all my days in tough, old Englifh roaft beef ? Gen. I tell you, I neither know nor cafe : but one thing I fancy you'll find, that my daughter will not eafily be prevailed upon to give up her notions of fub- ft a ntials, in compliment to your delicate appetite. Sir Harry. Oh leave that to me, General .- 1 fhall foon make a convert of her ; or why have I fcaled the Jofty Alps, and fwept the aromatic vales of bleft Italia : if Narcifia is fortunate enough to have a gufto for poetry and mufic, I fhall make a rapid conqueft. Gen. Damn your mufic and poetry ! for both of yoit together, would turn Worry-Hall into a mad-houfe, F. Sir 26 THE RIVAL CANDIDATES. StrHarry.You muft know, General, that the Mufes all Nine, fmil'd upon my birth, and Apollo flood god- father to me by proxy. Gen. Damme, but I believe he's touch'd ! [a/ide. Sir Harry. I have written a fong, that has made a little noife in the polite world ; and tach'd the crot- chets to it myfelf. Gen, .His crotchets ! Oh he's paft recovery. \aftde. Sir Harry. Nay, the Scavoire "uivre, of which I've the honour to be a member, forc'd their annual prize upon me for the compofition. You muft know, we were rallied a little upon a certain occafion by the fe- male wits of the Coterie : fo you may guefs who was .fix'd upon for our literary champion, (affefledfy) You fliall have it, though k will lofe much of its effecl:, from the prefiure of an Englifh atmofphere, upon the deli- cate organs of my pipe. General (walking about ha/lily^) mad as a March hare \ A I R XII. Mr. Dodd Ladies in vain, Why entertain, Hopes to bewitch us with loves artful wiles ? Ceafe to do fo Since you all know, We have his patent for dimple* and fmiles. Gentler beaux that pow'r poflefling Yield no more to your alarms, Each his fccnted felf carefiirig, Quite cnamour'd with his charms ! Prettp A COMIC OPERA. 27 "Pretty playthings all adieu ! Now diflblve in am'rous fighs, We a fofter clime purfue, Froze too long beneath your eyes. Da Cape, Gen. Pfhaw ! damn your fingino;, it may be very fine, but I'm not in a humour to relifh it : I'm touch'd to the quick at being flung by the Byrons ; and yet you Teem to mind it no more, than the lofs of a match of billiards. Sir Harry. My dear General, be compos'd as I am ; and don't fret yourfelf in this abfurd manner : Gen. I won't be compos'd ; damme, but I will fret myfelf ! Indeed if I was of your cucumber likedifpo- fition, you might expect to find me as fine a piece of ftill life, agreeable vegitation as yourfelf ; but no, no, no, Sir !- . Sir Harry. Now indeed, General, I mean to refent their treatment ; and to fhew you I'm in earneft, I'll lodge a petition againft them by this light. Gen. Ay ; why there you are right, for your grounds are good enough : Sir Harry. 'Pon honour, General, you fhall be com- manding officer for the day. Gen. If that's the cafe, I have a plan : but I'm fo tir'd : walk with me into the temple, and I'll tell it to you : I am fure we fhall difcover fome under- hand dealings of this young rafcal's at the bottom, and don't doubt of bringing it home to him. (finding the doors fajl) What the devil's the meaning of this ? why the door's faften'd wi'hin. \liftsns at the key-bole\ Zounds ! here are fome villains concealed with a E 2 defign 28 THE RIVAL CANDIDATES. defign to rob the houfe ; liften, Sir Harry, (Sir Harry puts his ear to the door) here Robbin ! Matthew ! Jerry ! why, where the devil are thefe fcoundrels got to ? Sir Harry. Why really, General, I do hear a kind of confederate buz, : [Enter Robbin. Rob. \Vhat's your honour's will ? Cm. Here, break open the door directly : fome thieves have hid themfelves within fide ! Rob. Have they, your worfhip ? then we'll foon have them out. Come along my boys ! (Enter Mat. and Jerry. ) Thieves in our garden I we'll let 'em know that nobody fhall encroach upon our privileges, without a good ducking, however : [They bur/} open the door witf) their fpades^ and difcovcr Byron: the gardeners laugh, ] Gen. Hell and the devil ! what have we got here ? - your feryant, Mr. Byron : I give you joy of your election, Sir ! (Jneeringly} how compos'd the raf-r cal ftands ! what, I fuppofe, you are a ft;ck of agree-? able vegitation too ? Sir Harry. This is rather too much, damme ! upon his return for one borough, tc be can vailing for ano- ther : Don't you fmoak a pettycoat, General ? [The General looking inqiiifitlyely .~\ Byr. Gentlemen, my prefent fituation prevents me from returning your raillery :-r Gen. Fire ! and fmoke ! my daughter's maid Jenny ! why huffy, how dare you be lock'd up with fuch a rake as this. Jen. Law Sir ! the gentleman only afk'd to fee the temple, and fo I thought there was no harm in {hewing it him. Sir A COM1 C OPERA. 2g Sir Harry. Comingly kind, by all that's plump, and lovely ! Gen. How the devil did he get in when the gates were all lock'd ? but it's a lye, huffy, he came caterwauling after you ; but get about your bufmefs, you jade ! you fhan't ftay in my houfe another mi- nute ! Byr. Nay then, Sir, T hope it will not offend you, fince it can no longer be concealed, if I produce the moft delicate teftimony of our innocence. [Stepping back difcovers NarcifTa.J Sir Harry. Doublets by this light ! Gen. Narcifla ! Traytor ! deliver up my daughter, whom you have feduced, that 1 may punifh her as fhe deferves ! Byr. Retire Narcifla, into the citadel, I befeech you, 2nd I'll defend you to the laft : Narc. I beg you'll give me up, your danger over- powers me. [To Byron.'] Jen. Dear Ma'm, you are only to reward the con- queror ; you have nothing to do with the battle : be- fides, Mr. Muff will take care there lhan't be much blood fpilt. Gen. Matchlefs impudence ! what ! laugh'd at into the bargain ? Seize him, Robin, and drag him to the canal : Rafcals, why don't you obey my orders ? Rob. What ! duck young Mafter Byron : not I, I Jove him too well ? Other gardeners. And fo do I : Gen. Villains, you arc my flaves ; and I'll make you do what I command you : lay hold on him, I fay ! AIR 30 THE RIVAL CANDIDATES; A I R XIII. TRIO. Mr.Banmfter, Mr. Faweet, and Mr. Kear. He's the pride of the borough, god blefs him fay I! I've poll'd for his honour, and will till I die ; In vain then you rave, I'll not be your flave, Tho* I'm a poor fellow of humble degeee : Which of you then will bear it ? Will you ? MAT. No I fwear it ! Or you ? JERRY. No I fwear it ! There is but one way then to fet us all free : We'll none of us bear it : Will you ? both No, I fwear it : Nor BOB, I declare it : This, this is the way then, for now we are free. [Threw down their fpades^ &C.J Syr. Yon muft excufe me Gen'ral, though I am un. 0er the neceility even in. this place, of defending your daughter, from any violence on her inclinations. Gen. Scoundrels ! I'll be revenged ! Oh ! here comes Spy ! fetch my double-barrel'd horfe-piftols this in- ftant j why the rafcal's drunk ! [Enter Spy.'] Spy. Byron for ever ! fhoot who, him ? Lord love his heart Byron for ever ! I tell you that won't do : there's no flints : I would not hurt a hair of his head. Byron for ever ! (turning to Sir Harry) So I think v/e wa'n't troubled to chair your fine gingerbread car- cafe : damme, you know'd a trick worth too. of th a. ! Sir A COMIC OPERA. 3 r Sir Harry. Filthy brute ! Gen. The devil has bewitched 'em, all to confpire againft me ! Get out of my fight, villain, or I (hall be the death of you : .Spy. Oh ! if that's all I can punch it : Byrzn for ever ! tho' he don't want a fecond : he's fpunk: he can manage 'em both No Muffs and Indigo Nabobs Byron for ever ! [Exit rte/ing.] Gen. Powder and fury \ I believe there's neither 2. brave, nor an lioneft man left in the kingdom. Look you, Sir Harry, win her and wear her : What ! I fuppofe, I muft fight this fellow my lei f (goes up to the door) but here he comes, if he rcfufes to furrender her, put him to death ! Sir Harry. Well, if it muft be fo, it muft ; tho"pon my foul, I've no butchering ideas about me (halfdrcrws) come, good Sir, don't put me to the fatigue of chaf- tifing you. Byr. Sir Harry , you have more humanity: Sir Harry. No, fplit me if I have ! She's mine by deed of gift j if you^ difpute that title, fhe muft be mine by force of arms ; (Draws, and pitts bimfelfin an .Attitude.) Byr. Say you fo ? come on then : (drawing a fiftol, Sir Harry fprings back.} Gin. Why, what the devil, are you afraid of the fmell of powder ? [To Sir Harry. Sir Harry. No, not in the leaft, General, (confufedly) I am I am only difconcerted a little for, for fear of the ladies ; you faw they retired diforder'd : befides, Sir, I'm not upon an equal footing with the aflaffin. Byr. No more you were, when you valiantly drew upon y. THE RIVAL CANDIDATES: upon a naked man. : however, Sir, not to alarm you with the fuperiority of my weapon, thus I refign it into your hands [Sir Harry receives the pijhl^ cocks it, and ad- vances. Sir Harry. Oh then the citadel's our own General ! Byr. When you have won it, Sir ! (prefents afecondpi/lol. Sir Harry. [Retiring affrighted.] Split me, but the ruffian has got another ! Gen. [locking carneftly at Byron] Damme, that's noble too ! It's ahnoft a fin to kill fo fine a fellow : but the calls of honor muft be obey'd : come, you fhall fettle it like foldiers however : I little thought I fhould ever fee another mot fired, (meafurts ttnpaws with his cane. Sir. Harry. My dear General, what are you about ? Gen. About ? Why meafuring the ground : you would not fight like a couple of foot-pads, with the muzzle of the piftol in each others mouth, would you ? What the devil ails you now ? Sir. Harry. Dear General, your ear a moment (ivbif- pering, my confcience forbids me. Gen. Confcience ! who the devil ever heard of a man's having confcience, who had no heart ? how- ever, Sir Harry, I fee how the land lies : You need give yourfelf no further concern about me or my fami- ly : I am determin'd to have a brave man for my fon- in-law, tho' I crofs the ocean for him. Byr. You need not put yourfelf to that inconveniency, Sir, when you behold in me, one, who is ready to lay down his life in defence of your daughter's virtue, and your honor. Gen. Why, tho' my enemy thou art a fine fellow I own : and if I. could forget the family grudge Byr. A COMIC OPERA. 33 Byr. Believe me, Sir, I have lamented in fecret the groundlefs animqfity, that has fo long fublifted be- tween you and my father, fo fatal to the early over- tures I made the lovely Narcijpj. GeH. Zounds ! but when I resolleft, to b jockey'd by you out of the borough, and by fuch underhand means ! Byr. Why; Sir, you furprize me ! they have cho- fca that Gentleman, have they not ? [pointing to Sir Harry.] Gen. No, Sir, they have not. what, you don't know, I fuppofe, that they have return'd you ? Byr. Upon my honour, no, Sir : I have been employ'd ugon a much more agreeable fervice : and to convince you of it, as they have chofen me, contrary to my wifh-> es, I am ready to refign my feat in favour of any one, you fhail appoint. Gen. No, you young dog : you fhan't do that neither : I Am a little cooler than I was : that piece of flill life .there, has -brought me to my fenfes : [pointing to Sir Harry] I begin nw-to think, that the unanimous choice of a free body of people, is too facred, to be fuperceded by the will of any iiulividual ; befides your courage has charm'd me : come, you yoking dog, you may releafe your prifo- ners, they mall be .upon their parole, 'till I pafs fentence. [By rat opens the door of the temple, and brings them a little forward.] YOU look mighty cunning, Sir Harry , aftej loofmg Tifplewejl, and the richeft keirefs in the county , through your delicate feelings. damn fuch feelings, fay I ! you'll c.ut a pretty figure in the modern hiftory of Ma,ccaronyifm ! Sir Hat: Why, good GeneraJ, you don't know me vet : 1 confefs I have loft a pair of pretty toys ! jput with refpeft to your modern fafire, a real fine gen- F itleman, 34. THE RIVAL CANDIDATES: tleman, is infinitely beyond it's reach, I affureyou : * fo I fhall laugh at the dinner-hunting tribe. Geti. Why, where the devil did this fellow fpring from ! (Byron, Jenny, -and Narcij/a, coming forward)- I believe the young rogue deals in magic with both of us (to Narciffa) come hither, ^irl, don't tremble fo : I begin to think, that I've held out too long with Sir Waltej and therefore I don't know how I can fhew a heartier defire of reconciliation, than by rewarding his fon of merit, with my only daughter and fifty thoufand pounds : What fays Narcifia ? but I need not afk.lv r ! Nar. If I may difcover my partiality for Mr. Byron, without offending you, Sir, I mould tell you, that I have every reafpn in the world to admire and efteem him. Gen, Gome hither, then, both of you ; as an earned of my approbation, thfre I've joined your harids be- fore the parfon ; and may neither you, nor I live to repent it. Byr. This, Sir, is fo generous, my life will be too fhcrt to repay the obligation. Sir ]rlat\. Demme, but I cut a pretty figure here truly 1 chous'd out of niy own borough, and a fine girl, bv the. (on of a fox-hunting baronet; and laughed at by the old Jew of a father, for endeavouring to accom- modate him ! Well ! What's to be done ? Why, upon my arrival at Almack's, I muft carry it off, for the prefent, by dint of bronze ; tell 'em the girl was damn'd ugly ; and, that the other borough had loft it's charter. Gen. Come, come, Sir Harry ; every man's not born to be a giant-killer ; (ircmcatty) if it be not beneath |he dignity of a fine gentleman, to rejoice at the fuccefs of A C O M I C O P E R A. 35 bf a worthier man than hjmfelf, adjourn with us to Worry-hall. Sir Har. Any thih^; for a frolic, General, for I T m in tip-top fpirks. Gen. All that now remains^ is for me to endeavour to prevail upon Sir Walter to meet us, and content to make the little rogues happy : for my own part, I am now fully convinced, that the tender affections were never implanted in the human breaft, to be call'd forth, r fupprdffedji by the caprice of an unfeeling parent. V A U ft E V I L L E. NARCISSA. * Rofy archer come away ! (jive your train a holiday, Lay your bow and quiver by, Ceafe to wound, and hither hie CHORUS. Rofy archer, &c. BYRON. Hither bring the fmiling graces, And the loves with cherub faces, Bid the valleys laugh and fay, " Love has made a holiday!" CHORUS. Hither bring, &c. THE RIVAL CANDIDATES. SIR HARRY. Lips of coral ! eyes fo pretty ! Out of luck foregad was I : Tho' I'm chous'd, I'll join the ditty j^~ Down thou little rifing figh. May Love's tender prittle-praftle Keep the day for ever bright, And no jealous tittle-tattle, Mar the raptures of the night t CHORUS. May Love's tender, &c. JENNY. entlefolks if you'll permit me I've a word or two to fay, Tho' perhaps it mayn't befit me, On my lady's wedding-day : Graveft Don with eye of ferrit Tho' he pra&ife all his art, Cannot break a woman's fpirit, Till he's ftrength to break hex heart. CHORUS. GravejftDon, &c. COLONEL WORRY. Brother grey-beards fhort's my ftory, Read your features in this glafs, Here's a convert now before ye Metgmorphos'd from an afs : When A C O M I C O P E R A. 37 When a fwain of merit woos her, Make your girl a happy. wife ; Nature bids you not refufc her, In the CRISIS of her life. CHORVS. When a fwain of merit woos hci:, Make your girl a happy wife ; Nature bids you not refufe- her, In theXiUsis of her We ! THE E N D. E-P.I LOG EPILOGUE. Written by the AUTHOR, AND SPOKEN EY MR. W E S T O N, Entering with a large Dig. OH ! Lu'd ! What authors have we rrow adays f A farmer ihh ! E cod or what you pleafe : He f wears (tho' we've but juft got thro' one fweat-oj He'll make us fpeak an epilogue duetto. What fay you Dragon ? Why's your tar! fo low ? Be not chop-fall'n they can't damn you? you know : ' What dumb my comrade ? terrible difafter ; So I muft puff for you, and for your mafter. Ye Gods be kind ! No cat-call interference ! Relieve, Tom Weflon^ 'tis h-is firft appearance. You would not think it ; but the rogue's fo fteadjr, He's in the privy-council here, already ; The Prompter gives him merit univerfal, Bccaufe \wbijli'wg\ his whiftle calls him to rehearfal -, Be fides, he imitates no tragic brother $ Who makes him pull down one bill port another ; Tho' he's not fleek ; and has an hungry eye, (A poet's dog is never fed too high) Yet he is found, Sirs, and in good condition ; He has no whimfies no indifpofition : When e'er in letters large the bills he graces, You're fure of feeing him if you have places j, He'll top the bills, if to this text he flicks j A dog of parts and have no puppy tricks ? Odzooks^ EPILOGUE, Odzooks, I've loft his bufinefs in his praife ; Oh ! here he's fent to guard his mafter's bays. A Dragon, once they fay, kept watch and ward, Some curious golden fruit from thieves to guard. So to protect the poet's fruit from riot, -i Secure fome guineas, and a better diet, > He's fent this Dragon critics ! So fee quiet : ) Sharp then's the word, my {lender waifted coufins, He'll fwallow macaronies by the dozens ! Growling, and fnarling, don't let this dog catch ye, At all your tearing-work he'll over match ye ; If by ill humours, you our bard wou'd puzzle, I've nothing elfe to do but flip the muzzle ! Tho' your fo high (to the galleries) Ton too he fooH wou'd tame; PRAGON has wings, if I but fhew him game. But fhou'd his mafter's fmg-fong melt your foul, He'll be as foft as Signer Rojlgnol : Will with harmonious howlings fwell each note, y\nd bark fweet mufic " only from bis throat ." FINIS, #. SITY OF CALIFORNIA LIBRARY Los Angeles This book is DUE on the last date stamped below. Form L9-Series 444