PR 
 
 3429 
 
 D86r 
 
 DUDLEY 
 RIVALCANDIDATES
 
 
 THE LIBRARY 
 OF 
 
 THE UNIVERSITY 
 
 OF CALIFORNIA 
 
 LOS ANGELES
 
 on the last date stamped below 
 
 UNIVERSITY of CALIFOi 
 
 AT 
 LO .ES
 
 THE 
 
 RIVAL CANDIDATES: 
 
 A COMIC OPERA 
 
 In Two ACTS; 
 
 AS IT IS NOW PERFORMING AT THE 
 THEATRE ROYAL 
 
 I N 
 
 DRURY-LANE. 
 
 By the Rev. HENRY BATE. 
 
 LONDON: 
 
 printed : Sold by T. BECKET, corner of the 
 Adelphi - buildings, in the Strand ; and by 
 W. GRIFFIN, No. 6, Catharine-ftreet, 
 
 M,DCC,LXXY.
 
 
 DEDICATION. 
 
 To Mrs. G A R R I C K. 
 
 MADAM ! 
 
 PERHAPS you were not aware, when you 
 were kind enough to fliew an early counte- 
 nance to the following petite OPERA, that fo in- 
 dulgent an overture, entitled it in ibme meafur 
 to your future patronage , indeed, notwithftanrd- 
 ing this circumftance, you might probably have 
 efcaped the prefenr mortifying Htuation, had not 
 the author conceived, that his piece owes no in- 
 confiderable mare of its dramatic effecb to your 
 tafte and judgment: hence arofe an appeal to 
 his fadings, too powerful to be treated with filent 
 indifference. 
 
 I mean not, however, to alarm your delicacy, 
 by a recital of thfe accoinplimmehts, which 
 have long rendered you an ornament: of the mod 
 
 faliionable circles ; nor by recounting thofe 
 
 private virtues, which ftamp you one of the firft 
 patterns of domeftic felicity -, fadls however agree- 
 able or inftru&ive they might prove to fociety, I 
 decline enumerating, in compliment to female 
 diffidence. 
 
 Having
 
 DEDICATION. 
 
 Having therefore made the acknowledgement 
 I conceive due upon this occafion, it is high 
 time for me frankly to confefs, that vanity had 
 fome influence over me, when I prefnmed to 
 think of Mrs. GARRICK for the patronefs of this 
 my FIRST ESSAY. 
 
 J remain 
 
 with great rcfyeft+. 
 
 Your mo/I obedient, 
 and devotgd Servant^ 
 
 HEN. BATE.
 
 ADVERTISEMENT. 
 
 V fTHHE RIVAL CANDIDATES is an attempt 
 
 IN JL of the dramatic kind, undertaken by the 
 
 ^ writer from no motive of literary vanity, but in 
 
 order to introduce to the world, a young mufical 
 
 compofer, whofe tafte he conceived might do 
 
 honour to his profeflion. 
 
 The reformer of the Englifh drama no fooner 
 was informed of him, than he kindly confented to 
 ^ an early trial ot his abilities, and difcovered a ge- 
 ^. nerous anxiety for his fuccefs. 
 ^ A The author arrogates to himfelf but a moderate 
 (hare of that univerfal applaufe with which his 
 piece has been received, particularly when he re- 
 collects how much of it is derived from the kind 
 ( ^ attention of Mr. GARRICK, in the double capaci- 
 ty, of friend, and manager ; and what immenfe 
 claims thofe refpectable peribns have, who fill his 
 little canvafs with fuch credit to themfelves, and 
 ^ their profeflion. To fingle out any oneofthefe 
 celebrated performers, when all fo kindly com- 
 bined to produce, what is deemed a ftriking repre- 
 lentation in the comic ftyle, would be a tafk un- 
 pleafing as ungenerous. And therefore, as they 
 have been equally zealous in their endeavjurs, as 
 i.-r>y in the execution cf their feveral characters, 
 he wifres them, jointly to accept, the returns of 
 a grateful heart. 
 
 DR A-
 
 DRAMATIS PERSONS, 
 
 BYRON, Mr. Vernon. 
 
 Sir HARRY MUFF, Mr. Dodd. 
 
 GENERAL WORRY, Mr. Parfons. 
 
 SPY, Mr. Wefton. 
 
 FIRST GARDENER, Mr. Bannifter. 
 Mr. Kear, 
 
 UNDER GARDENERS, 
 
 Mr. Fawcett* 
 
 N ARC is s A, Mrs. Baddely. 
 
 JENNY, Mrs. Wrighten. 
 
 SCENE, A COUNTRT VILLA, &c.
 
 THE 
 
 RIVAL CANDIDATES. 
 
 ACT. I SCENE I. 
 
 A Hall in General WORRY'S houfe, adorned with mili- 
 tary trophies ; through the folding doors of which, it feen 
 a part of the garden. 
 
 NARCISSA and JENNY. 
 
 Jenny. . TNDEED ma'm I don't like to go 
 J[ near him ; befides, what the deuce 
 fhould he want with me ? 
 
 Nor. Oh fome frefh complaints^ I'll warrant you : 
 but I defire you'd go. 
 
 Jenny. Lud ma'm ! he's fuch; an old fufpicious mor- 
 tal, that I can do no good with him : and its a fhame 
 to throw away good reafoning, and fnie feutiment, 
 
 upon fo unfeeling a 
 
 Nar. Pi ith.ee, don't be trifting now, girl, but go 
 to hj^rn, and let us know the worff. 
 
 s Well, to oblige you, ma'm ? I'll venture any 
 
 [Exit Jenny. 
 B Nar-
 
 2 THE RIVAL CANDIDATES: 
 
 NarcifTa alone. 
 
 Why was T doom'd to envy the free-born villager r 
 or what do I derive from fortune or education, but 
 reflections, which render my confinement infupport- 
 able. The family quarrel which feparates me from 
 the man I love, and my father's unreafonable fufpi- 
 cions lie heavy on my fpirits : deny'd even to breathe 
 that pure air, which nature defigned as a common blef- 
 fmg to all her creatures! Surely the time will come 
 when I {hall regain my liberty, and my Byron have an 
 opportunity of refuming the tender fubjecl: of his paf- 
 fion, fo cruelly cut off in its infancy. 
 . 
 
 A I R I. Mrs. 
 
 Soft FANCY thou truant to me, 
 
 My fummons oh quickly obey ! 
 Neglected by BYHON and thee, 
 
 How heavily pafles the day ! 
 
 Thy charms I've miftaken for Love's, 
 
 So artfully doft thou beguile, 
 Thy magic enlivens the groves, 
 
 When he has forgotten to fmile ! 
 
 Enter JENNY hajiily. 
 
 Jenny. Oh dear, ma'm ! charming new?, ma'm ! 
 Nar. Thou art a mad girl : but what is the caufe 
 of this tranfport ? 
 
 Jenny. Lud m'am ! as I hope to live and breath, 
 
 "your papa is going down to the borough to vote for his 
 
 friend, Mr. Indigo, the Nabob, arid his nephew, Sir 
 
 Harry Muff, the fweet fpark that lines his clothes with 
 
 fur in the dog-days and your lover that is to be 
 
 Nar,
 
 A COMIC OPERA. 3 
 
 Nar. My Jove that is to be ! but prithee go on . 
 
 Jen. And fo, ma'm, he has given us leave to divert 
 ourfelves in the plantations, till he returns : he fent 
 Spy in iearch of you, to tell you of it before he faw 
 me, 
 
 .Nar. Indeed * 
 
 Jen. Yes, indeed, and indeed, ^4 a ' m I wltti I 
 could \ztfomebody know of it, that -he might pay us a 
 vint. . 
 
 Nar. That's impoflible, Jtnny : but foft ! here 
 comes my father's cabinet counfellor. 
 
 Enter SPY. 
 
 Nor. Well, Sir, what's your bufinefs ? 
 
 Spy. Bufinefs, madam ! no great matter of bufi- 
 nefs truly ; only his worfhip ordered me to tell you, 
 that he was going to the election at Tipplewclls and 
 fo if you thought fit, you and Mrs. Jenny might re- 
 create yourfelves in the pleafure grounds (as it's a fine 
 day) till he returns. 
 
 Jen. There's kindnefs for you, madam ! 
 * Spy. But" hie charg'd me to tell you, he'd have no 
 lolling out of the fummer-houfe window that looks to 
 the high-road ; nor no finging, for fear you fhould 
 fcare the wild-ducks that are hatching in the ifland j 
 nor no 
 
 Jen. Opening our eyes, I fuppofe, for fear we 
 
 ftiould fee any thing In the fhape of a man !r ^now 
 your bolt's (hot ! Your mafter's very kind truly,, af- 
 ter depriving us of every enjoyment for three months 
 paft, he now fets a difh before us, and generoufly 
 tells us we muft not taite of it. 
 
 B 2
 
 4 THE RIVAL CANDIDATES: 
 
 Spy. Why you know, Mrs. Jenny, I would refufe 
 you nothing i not even if JBU were to take a liking to 
 me myfelf. 
 
 Jtn. That would be'afme difh indeed! 
 
 Nar. Come, come, no more of this ; you may tell 
 your matter, I think myfelf obliged to him, even for 
 this limited indulgence : what does the fellow ftand 
 fo like a ftatue for ? 
 
 Spy*. I only waits to let you in, that's all. 
 
 Nar* You may fave yourfelf that trouble, by giving 
 the keys to my maid. 
 
 yen. Come give them to me, Sir. 
 
 Spy.- But axing your pardon, Mifs Narajfa, that's 
 not the cafe neither ; I was ordered to lock the garden 
 doors after you, and carry the keys back to your 
 papa. 
 
 Nar, Lock us in, for what ? 
 
 Jen. Ay, for what, Sir ? 
 
 Spy. /For for oh f i only for fear the iurkies 
 (hould get in, and eat up all the ftrawberries, that's 
 ail. i 
 
 Nor. I underftand my father's cruel fufpiciops ; 
 but thou haft more delicacy than thy mailer ; go open 
 the gates. 
 
 [Exit Spy. 
 
 Jen. Now, ma'm! if Mr. Byron be the gentle- 
 man I take 'him for," he'll find it out Come how or 
 other that the old gentleman has left hts watch, and 
 be here in the twinkling of an eye.- 
 
 Nar. Ah Jenny! 'tis' three long- weeks 
 
 Jtn. So it is Ma'm, firice he blew you the laft kifs 
 from the orchard-wall, by moonlight : 'I'm fure it 
 
 al moft
 
 A CO M 1C OPERA. 
 
 almoft melted my heart, it was fent up with fuch a deep 
 iigh : poor young gentleman ! I wifh I was not of 
 (b tender a conftitution myfelf in thefe cafes. 
 
 Nar. Heigh day ! why I fhall look upon thee as my 
 rival prefcntly : -Well, I muft confefs girl, that Byron 
 finds in thee a powerful advocate, and I, a faithful con- 
 fidante : I hope we lhall be enabled to rewanfthy fidelity. 
 
 Jen. I fhould be fufflciently repaid, Ma'm, in feeing 
 you happy : dear me ! if he would but come now and 
 offer himfelf a candidate here, we might have a fnug 
 little election of our own : he fhould have my vote, 
 and if I know any thing of eyes, I don't think, but 
 you'd immediately retuni him. 
 
 Nar. Faith, I cannot fwear that I wou'd not, Jenny. 
 
 Jen. Lord, Ma'm ! I can eafily clamber over the 
 pales if they do lock us in : let me go then, and fee 
 if I can find him any where. 
 
 Nar. Heavens, girl, not for the world ! after fuch 
 an imprudent advance on my part, I need not wonder 
 if a cool indifference fhould fucceed on his : for I have 
 been told, Jenny, that men always fet a value upon a 
 conqueft, in proportion to the eafe, or difficulty with 
 which it isobtain'd : and yet I long to fee him ! but 
 come, I am impatient to enjoy once more the beauties 
 of nature : I am going into the drawing-room for my 
 book -, you'll find me at one of my favourite feats, 
 where I really long to reft myfelf, [Exit Nar. 
 
 JENNY, alone. 
 
 Poor young lady ! I wonder (he holds ft out fo long : 
 fio fleep o'nights, and her little heart hurry fcurry, 
 hurry fcurry 1 all day : the deuce take the men fay I, 
 for a pack of unfeeling numlkulls ; they are all alike
 
 6 THE RIVAL CANDIDATES: 
 
 wonderfully loving, when locks and bars are between ; 
 but if you give 'em a favourable opportunity, not one 
 in ten of them has the brains to make ufe of it. 
 
 AIR II. Mrs. Wrighten. 
 
 Fie ! fie ! filly man, 
 Your foft nonfenfe forego, 
 No heart you'll trepan 
 With your fighing heigho ! 
 For that's not the way a fond damfel to woo ; 
 A truce to your whining, 
 Your fobbing, and pining \ 
 But prefs her ! 
 Carefs her ! 
 
 The bufinefs is 4one, and {he'll foon buckle too. 
 
 [Exit "Jenny, 
 
 SCENE
 
 A C O MI C OPERA. 
 
 SCENE II. 
 
 Enter GENERAL WORRY, difcoverlng JENN'Y as Jhn 
 
 goes off". 
 
 Gen. There's a baggage for you now ! Zounds T 
 if I had ftole a march upon her a minute fooner, I 
 ihould have catch'd 'em out ! Damme, if the life I 
 now lead is not more perilous, than when I was upon 
 the coaft of France, and expelled a mine to be fprung 
 upon me every ftep I advanced. A fine bouncing girl, 
 fcribbling dying fongs, and love letters, from morning 
 till night, and fnivelling day after day for Liberty, in 
 order to run away with fome fcape-gracc, who'll cut 
 my throat to get in for my fortune ; and an abigaH, 
 crafty enough to debauch the morals of a Lapland vir- 
 gin ! It's too much for an invalid of fixty-five ! But, 
 upon fecond thought, there can come no great harm 
 on letting them out for a little while : befides it will 
 give NarcifTa a bloom againft -I bring Sir Harry home 
 
 with me :< 
 
 [Enter SPY, whlftling, and leading a large majlijf. 
 
 Spy. Here, Dragon 1 Dragon ! 
 
 Gen. Well Spy ! what have you let 'em out ? 
 
 Spy. Ves, your honor's worfhip, I let 'em loofe : 
 it would have done your heart good to fee 'em : they 
 jump'd and frifk'd about, for all the world, like rabbits 
 in a warren. 
 
 Gen. But did you double-lock all the gates ? 
 
 Spy. Yes, your honor : and I've unmuzzled Dragon, 
 and am going to let him loofe in the back yard. 
 
 Gen.
 
 8 THE RIVAL CANDIDATES: 
 
 Gen. Well, that's right; but fuppofe they mould 
 clamber over the pales and elope ? I've heard of fuch 
 things in my time ? 
 
 Spy. So have I ; but they muft fcramble deucedly if 
 they do indeed, for the matter of that, Mrs. Jenny 
 has a fine ftride with her. 
 
 Gen. Are you fure now, Spy, that you've feen no 
 fufpicious kind of body lurking about the grounds this 
 week paft ? 
 
 Spy. Not a foul, indeed, your honor ; nor can I 
 track any thing but the foot of farmer Brown's Tom cat, 
 that comes caterwauling after Mifs NarcinVs Tabby ; 
 and, if I catch him, J fancy I fhall ftop his rambles. 
 
 G&t. Well then, all's well ! but I'm wafteing time- 
 here F1I fet out nothing fhould have tempted me from 
 home, but the fear of affronting my old friend fndigo : 
 Sir Harry will have a fine eftate, in a ring-fence, clofc 
 to mine, he's worth a little powder. Come $f^ you? 
 and Dragon to your pofts : you muft have an hawk's 
 eye upon 'em ; and be fure you don't tipple upon, 
 guard : behave like a fpldier to day, and I'll give you, 
 leave to get drunk to morrow by day break. 
 
 Spy. Thank your honor, I'll take you at your word : 
 Ageing returns] your worfliip ^pointing to Dragon] we are. 
 4 pair of ftaunch friends^ or deadly eftemies. 
 
 [ Exit with- Dfag&n-. } 
 
 Gen. - Now I recollect, there is certainly a conipi- 
 racy againft me, for I traced a man's foot upoa the- 
 tulip-bed, a fall inch longer than Spy's or aay of the 
 gardeners. If I find her out, I don't know what I fhali 
 do in my paHion ! - perhaps take a fecccid rib, and ge^ 
 a fon and heir to difinherit her I 
 
 A I R
 
 A COMIC OPERA. 
 
 A I R III. Mr. Parfons. 
 
 What new curfes fpring up, 
 To replenifh man's cup, 
 
 'Tho' heaven in pity has borrowed his wife ! 
 His daughter will grieve him, 
 With plots to deceive him : 
 But mine ! oh, I'll match her 
 The firft time I catch her, 
 
 Attempt, a young jade, to embitter my life 
 
 [Exif.
 
 io THE R-1VAL CANDIDATES: 
 
 SCENE III. 
 
 NARCISSA ft/covered on a garden feat reading : JENNY 
 entering haflily to her with a bird. 
 
 "Jen. Law, ma'm !* I have caught the fweeteft little 
 linnet in the green-houfe, that ever you faw in all 
 your born days : how it's little heart goes pit-a-pat ! 
 only look at it, ma'm : 
 
 Nar. Depriv'd of liberty myfelf, I cannot behold 
 the pretty captive without emotion: prithee, let it 
 go;. 
 
 Jen. But perhaps we may never catch it ae;ain, 
 ma'rn : and I want to hang it up as a companion to 
 my little bull-finch. 
 
 Nar. The generous find more true delight in reftc- 
 ring their pri loners to freedom, than in all the advan- 
 tages they derive from their captivity : Pretty fpor- 
 tive creatures ! tho' we envy them their liberty, ne- 
 ver let it be faid, that we invade the fmalleft of their 
 little privileges. 
 
 \1Plnle the fymphony ts playing. Jenny releafes the bird.] 
 
 AIR IV. RONDO. Mrs. Baddely. 
 
 Love unfetter'd is a blefling 
 
 Nature's commoners enjoy ; 
 
 Source of raptures paft expreffing, 
 
 Which no tyrant laws deftroy. 
 
 Come
 
 . -A COMIC OPERA, n 
 
 Come ye fongfters ! wing around me, 
 
 Tell me all ye know of love : 
 Watchful of your young you've found me ; 
 
 Hark ! hey carol thro' the grove, 
 
 [Love unfettered, &c. D. CAPO. 
 
 Jen. Ay, ma'm ! and I'd be as free as the lark; 
 myfelf, if I had the fortune that you'll have, and Jiot 
 be mew'd up any longer. 
 
 Nar. But there's fuch a thing as reputation, Jen- 
 ny ; and my father never fails to tell me, 'tis to be 
 preferved but by prudence and philofophy. 
 
 Jt>2. Philofophy ! what the deuce does he mean by 
 that ? 
 
 Nar. That I fhould fubdue all my feelings I fup- 
 pofe, in compliment to his. 
 
 Jen. Is that his philofophy ? oh never think of it, 
 
 ma'm, 'till you can think of nothing elfe. 1 dare 
 
 fwear your papa never thought any thing about it, 'all 
 he found himfelf a philofopher againft his 1 will. 
 
 AIR V. Mrs, Wrig'-rten. 
 
 Since his wormip forfooth, 
 
 Having loft his fweet tooth, 
 
 Forbids you Love's feaft 
 
 Which no more he can tafte, 
 Be advis'd, and he'll find you a tartar ! 
 4 Talk of lovers to vex him : 
 
 Intrigue to perplex him : 
 
 What give nature the lye ? 
 
 By my ftars would not I ! 
 'Though I dy'd the next moment hermgrtyr. 
 
 C 2 Nar.
 
 12 THE RIVAL CANDIDATES: 
 
 Nar. There's fomething of reafon in that girl j 
 or rather, there's fomething in it I believe that flat- 
 ters my own inclinations : be that as it may ; me- 
 thinks if Byron were prefent, I mould not hefitate to 
 fly with him any where. 
 
 Jen. Lud ma'm ! if you could but behold yourfelf 
 this moment, you'd fee the charming difference be- 
 tween a defpairing damfel, and one who loves with 
 fpirit : for my part, I always think it time enough 
 for a woman to defpair, when you may count her age 
 by her wrinkles. 
 
 Nar. Thy pleafantry, girl, generally carries confo- 
 lation along with it : Well ! tho'I cannot but fome- 
 times lament his abfence, yet I receive comfort from 
 thy council, which tells me, I mail one day or other 
 fee a reverfe of fortune : Oh ! how tranfporting the 
 idea, Jenny ! 
 
 AIR VI. Mrs. Eaddelj. 
 
 Thus the midnight tempeft raging 
 
 Strikes the failor with difmay, 
 Furious winds, and waves engaging, 
 
 Banifh every hope of day ! 
 
 But at dawn, their wrath fubfiding, 
 
 Ocean wears a tranquil face ; 
 Joy, through every current gliding 
 
 Calms his boibm into peace. 
 
 Jen. Hum ! hufh ! As I hope to be married, yon- 
 der's that arch-mongrel Spy upon the watch behind the 
 mulberrry-tree there ; and now hs's coming this 
 
 way.
 
 A COMIC OPERA. 13 
 
 way : what if I could prevail upon him to go down 
 to the election, and make me deputy turnkey. 
 
 Nar. That's impoffible ; he gets too much by 
 watching us, to give up his poft for nothing. 
 
 yen. Do you call love nothing ? Confider what 
 you feel yourfelf, madam, and then think of poor 
 Spy's fufferings. Ha ! ha ! ha ! he's dying for me j 
 and fo if he won't betray every body elfe to obey me, 
 he fhall dangle upon that willow before I give him a 
 fmgle grain of hope ; however, take your book, 
 and -jo reft yourfelf in your favourite bower near the 
 Fountain, while I try the power of my charms. He 
 muft give up his mafter or me : fo don't fear our fuc- 
 cefs. 
 
 Nar. Profper thee my faithful girl ! [Exit Nar. 
 
 Enter SPY. 
 
 Spy. Your fervant, Madam Jenny : its a bkfled 
 fine day, and you're all alone, I fee. I am with you 
 indeed, but then I'm nobody, Mrs. Jenny, unit-Is 
 you'd fmile upon me. 
 
 Jen. Smile upon you, Mr. Spy ? you are nobody 
 indeed ;- can an Englifh- woman, and a friend to li- 
 berty and the rights of the conftitution, fmile upon a 
 creature 
 
 Spy. Creature ! am I a creature, Mrs. Jenny ? 
 %vhy you make me as bad as Dragon. 
 
 Jen. You are worfe, Mr. Spy : he's a dumb crea- 
 ture, and knows no better ; but you can talk, and 
 talk finely, Mr. Spy. 
 
 Spy. Thank you for that, Mrs. Jenny : to be 
 fure I can talk a little when I am halt cock'd.
 
 14 THE RIVAL CANDIDATES. 
 
 yen. Fie for fhame ! then, Mr. Spy ! Fie for 
 ihame ! Can a freeborn woman like myfelf, who 
 would give up my life, nay more perhaps my ho- 
 nour for my country 
 Spy. That is noble indeed ! 
 
 Jenny. Shall I fmile upon a creature, who, whilft 
 his country's rights are in danger at the election of 
 Tipplewell, can meanly, and inglorioufly fray at home 
 to watch the motions of two innocent young ladies, 
 when he fhou'd be huzzaing, drinking, and breaking 
 windows, for liberty and property? 
 
 Spy. Indeed, and fo I fliould : how her fine 
 
 fpeeches melt a body ! 
 
 Jen. O fie for fhame, Mr. Spy ! never afk for 
 my fmiles. My fmiles, my hand, and my heart {hall 
 be given to a man only, and an Englijhman. 
 
 Spy. I am both a man and an Englifhman : but 
 what fignifies all that, when I've no money in my 
 pocket : : if I had but one piece of filver to prime me 
 with a little, no man mould ftand firmer by you and 
 his country, than little Spy would. 
 
 Jen. You fhant want for that then, tho' its the 
 only companion to my filver thimble : here Mr. Spy. 
 
 Drives him money. 
 
 Spy. Now one little roguifh fmile, that I'd give a 
 thoufand of thefe for, and the keys are your own. 
 
 Jen. Deareft Mr. Spy [courtcjying and failing] I 
 thank you ! 
 
 Spy. Had they been the keys of the ftrong beer cel- 
 lar, you mould haye had 'em ! thus 1 furrender up 
 the garrifon for the prefent, [giving her the leys'] and 
 now to protect the laws, liberties, and property of 
 Old England : [going, returns,] Perhaps, Mrs. Jenny, 
 
 I may
 
 A COMIC OPERA. 15 
 
 1 may return bold enough to intreat another favor, 
 may I hope ? 
 
 Jen. A patriot may hope- never to figh in vain ! 
 
 Spy. That's noble again ! I'll only ftep and mount 
 my gaters, and return in an inftant ; you fhall let 
 me out at the back gate, and I'll whifk down to the 
 borough as quick as a nine-pounder 
 
 That for my mafter ! by your fmiles I'm bleft, 
 
 Ale ! love ! and. liberty, now nre my breaflr. 
 
 [Exit Spy. 
 
 JENNY laughing, 
 
 Ha ! ha ! ha ! there's a pretty fool now ! If the 
 fate of a kingdom had depended upon it, the gudgeon 
 would have bit juft the fame. Let fhort-fighted poli- 
 ticians fay what they will about the power of money, 
 a little well-diflembled love will go farther, take my 
 word for it. [Exit Jenny. 
 
 SCENE
 
 THE RIVAL CANDIDATES: 
 
 S C EN E IV. 
 
 A ferfpeff'rue view to the General's park \ on an eak tret 
 mat the paling of which is the vfual inscription cf Men. 
 traps, and fprihg guns, &c. 
 
 Enter BYRON. 
 
 By this time the old buck is loft in the genera! uproar 
 of an election .What a lucky dog was I to catch a 
 glimpfe of him as he pafs'd along the road ! -let him 
 choofe whom he pleafes, I am happy that I refus'd 
 the felicitations of my friends, as my fuccefs would 
 btt have increafed his refentment. Give me, kind 
 Fortune, but thy voice in Love's foft election, and I 
 care not who are the reprefentatives of a tumultuous 
 Borough I but; here's the bl e ft retreat of my NarcifBu 
 
 A I R VII. Mr- Venum* 
 
 How oft through this refponfive grove 
 
 Has fofteft echo told my tale ! 
 Aftfhen e'er fhe caught my notes of love, 
 
 She gently bore them down the vale I 
 
 The fcene rertew'd, rny wakeful breaft 
 Now joyful beats to love's alarms j 
 
 Ye powr*s who pity the diftreft, 
 Tranfport me to Narci//u's arms !
 
 A C O M I C O P E R A. 17 
 
 Heighday \[difcovering the infiription'] what 
 new bugbear have we here ? " Men-traps and fpring- 
 
 " guns fet in thefe grounds DAY and NIGHT." 
 
 Well done general ! Indeed you plann'd things a 
 little better laft war, or we fhould not have heard fo 
 much of your exploits : ha ! ha ! ha ! fuch a de- 
 vice might fecure your ducks and geefe, but not the 
 game I'm in purfuit of, I aiTure you : -fo with my 
 coufin Ranger Up I go ! up I go ! [getting upon 
 the pales.] there now if the Cyprian deity, has not 
 taken care to draw all the charges of his fpring-guns, 
 and blurrt-'the teeth of his fteel-traps, I'm miftaken 
 in my goddefs ! So love and fortune go with me. 
 
 [jumps ever. 
 
 ACT.
 
 i THE RIVAL CANDIDATES: 
 
 ACT II. 
 
 SCENE V, 
 
 JENNY alone. 
 
 I Knew I could coax him to make a fool of him- 
 felf, and give me the keys : Hark ! did not I 
 hear fomething ? No ; I believe it was only the noife 
 of the cafcade : but it put my heart into my mouth ! 
 
 Egad, if Mifs Narcifla was to be catch'd fleeping 
 
 and the poor thing takes a very found nap there 
 would be a fine fpot of work j but I believe there's 
 no great danger, for the gardeners can't be come back 
 from the election yet : Well, I'll e'en take a run 
 acrofs the green, and fee if I can fpy him for her. 
 Pretty creatures I fhould like to bring them together ! 
 
 and for all (he's fo fly, and looks fo demure, my 
 word for it (he'll have no objection. If all women 
 were like me, they'd cut the matter very ihort, for my 
 fongue and my heart always go together. 
 
 A I
 
 A CO MIG' OPFRA. 19 
 
 A I R VIII. Mrs. Written. 
 
 Fine ladies may tell us 
 
 They hate pretty fellows, 
 Defpife little Cupid hvs quiver, and dart, 
 
 But when love's only by, 
 
 Not a prude will deny, 
 That man tho' a tyrant's the lord of her heart. 
 
 So bewitching a creature ! 
 So noble each feature ! 
 My bofom commands me to take his dear part ; 
 
 Then how can I conceal 
 
 What my eyes will reveal ? 
 That he muft, and he will be the lord of my heart. 
 
 S CENE
 
 RIVAL CANDIDATES: 
 
 SCENE VI. 
 
 BYRON difcovkered In an attitude tf furprife, beholding 
 NARCISSA a/Jeep in a Jtffiwiin bower. 
 
 Byr. Surely my eyes deceive me ! or is it feme 
 Bleeping Naiad of the neighbouring floods ? No; 'tis 
 her ! 'tis my NarcifTa's heavenly fqrm, harmonious 
 form'd by nature's m,atchlefs hand ! 
 
 AIR IX, Mr. Vtrnon, 
 
 My bofom's on re ! 
 It throbs with defire, 
 Say whither ye gods fhalj I fly ? 
 Love prefles rny ftay ; 
 But mould I obey, 
 To my paflions a viftim I die. 
 
 returns, 
 
 ~-. But ftay : thus will I obey the dilates of 
 
 honor as well as love. Thanks to loye and the de- 
 fcriptive author of the Seajons. [ takes a card from 
 
 bis pccket^ and ivrltes'] there : in atonement 
 
 for the innocent trefpafs on thy foft repofe, I will be-r 
 come thy watchful guardian, and protect thee from the 
 eye of any rude obferyer : but foff ! my eager tranf- 
 port has difturb'd her: (he wakes and fee fhe 
 fhrinks even at nature's voice ; alarm'd, and^blufh- 
 jng at th? doubtful breeze ! I muft conceal myfelf. 
 
 [He retires behind a tree. 
 
 NAR,
 
 A COMIG OPERA. a , 
 
 .NARCJSSA awaking. 
 
 tfar. Methought I heard fome human voice \ 
 
 Thefe fleeplefs eyes, wearied with perpetual watchings, 
 betrayed me ito (lumber : Sure no eye profane peep'd 
 thro' yon clofe recefs, and in my unguarded mo- 
 ments Ah ! what's here? [feeing the card] 
 then I'm undone. [Comes forward and reads.] 
 
 _^__ ... i ..., i Sleep on my fair, 
 
 ' Yet unbeheld, fave by the facred eye 
 * ( Of faithful love". I goto guard thy haunt, 
 " To keep from thy recefs each vagrant foot, 
 * *' And each licentious eye !" 
 
 [After a paufc of wonder] ^It is - it is my Byron's 
 
 well-known hand ! then why thefe mixt emotions 
 hard to be defcrib'd ? why heaves my labouring breaft, 
 except to bid eternal welcome to its long-lov'd lord ? 
 No, my Byron, no ! thy virtuous merit mall go no 
 longer unrewarded : -but where is he ? fled ! aflift 
 nae then love's favourite mufe, that thus exprefSng my 
 
 own feelings, I may alleviate the feverity of his - 
 
 [She writes andjings 
 
 AIR X . Mrs. Baddely. 
 
 Dear youth my fond heart you have won, 
 Tis a truth, that it cannot deny ; 
 
 Love's fetters have made us but one, 
 Then tell me, Sh ! why didtt thou fly ? 
 
 My
 
 22 THE RIVAL CANDIDATES: 
 
 My hand (hall thy honour repay, 
 As witnefs this amorous figh ! 
 
 So believe me when hither you ftrav, 
 You need not, 
 
 [Byron discovering himfelf fmgs I never will fly f 
 
 Nar. [dropping the card] Heavens defend me ! 
 
 Byr. Forgive me, lovely maid, for thus breaking in 
 upon thofe angelic ftrains : if I have miftaken their 
 fweet harmonious burthen, I am fufficiently puniihed 
 for my prefumption. 
 
 Nar. [beholding him affeftitmatcly} My faithful Byron?' 
 why fhould my tongue deny, what my looks, fighs,. 
 and every action of my life proclaim ? In the infancy 
 of affedion, hypocrify may be merit ; but when love 
 is aflured of love, concealment would be folly, and 
 prudery a crime. 
 
 AIR XI. 
 
 Mrs. BaddeJy and Mr. Vernm. 
 
 NAR. Here I plight a maiden's vow ! 
 BYR. By thy beauteous felf I fwear ! 
 
 NAR. Thoufhalt be my guardian now I 
 BYR. Thou {halt be my only care ! 
 
 DUET. 
 Here we plight, &e. 
 
 Enter
 
 A COMIC OPERA. 23 
 
 Enter JENNY haftlly. 
 
 Jtn. Oh, flop your piping ! who the deuce would 
 have thought of feeing you here [to Byron Your 
 papa, m'am, is this moment return'd, and Sir Harry 
 Muff along with him ; they'll be in at the gate in the 
 twinkling of an eye ! 
 
 Nar. Oh we are undone then, what mall we do ? 
 
 Byr. How for your fake mail I avoid them ? 
 
 Jen. Oh dear m'am, I have it .' run both of you 
 vrith me into the temple, and I'll bolt you in fafe 
 enough : I've been forced to play at bo-peep with 
 ham there a hundred and a hundred -times before now 
 tnyfelf .. in ! in ! in ! 
 
 \Extunt to the temple. 
 
 SCENE
 
 2 4 THE RIVAL CANDIDATES : 
 
 SCENE VII. 
 Gen. WORRY, and Sir HARRY MUFF. 
 
 Sir Harry. No Sir ; thefe things never give a 
 moments uneafinefs to a man of the world, Sur man 
 htne ur. 
 
 ' Gen. No ? What the devil, be kick'd out of your 
 birthright by an impudentyoungfcoundrel, the fecondfon 
 of an obftinate fool of a baronet, and not take fire at it ? 
 You'd make a damn'd fine foldiej: ! 
 
 Sir Harry. We take fire at nothing, Gen. Worry : 
 You fine gentlemen of the laft century, wore yourfelves 
 out with your gunpowder paffions before you were 
 men : for example, your fire has burnt you to the 
 bone, General ; fo that you are in reality, nothing but 
 a collection of tinder and touchwood. 
 
 Gen. Damme, you've not afingle fpark of fire in your 
 whole compofition. 
 
 Sir Hdrry. Paflion of any kind agitatea the human 
 frame molt horribly j and therefore we of the high ton 
 have no pafHons at all ; inured our lives may be pro- 
 perly ftiled, a kind of agreeable vegetation. 
 
 Gen. Agreeable vegetation ! what a devil of a 
 
 hulband will this fellow make ? [afide. 
 
 Sir Harry. But I'm all agog for a fight of your deli- 
 cious daughter they tell me (he's a fine cretur j is 
 Ihe any thing like Maria ? [Taking off bis hat] 
 
 Gen. What the devil has he got there ? A pi&ure in 
 his hat inftead of a button ! 
 
 Sir Harry. Apropos, has NarciJJa good teeth ? 
 
 Geu.
 
 A COMIG OPERA. 2-j 
 
 Gen. What the devil will he afk me next ? [a/ide'} 
 I'll anfwer for't, (he'll do your table no difcredit, if 
 that's all ; but zounds -- 
 
 Sir Harry. Table! why my dear General, we do not 
 underftand each other : Do you frfioufly imagine, that 
 teeth in this enlighten'd age, like your green handled 
 knives and forks, are mechanically conftrucled for eat- 
 ing ? 
 
 Gen. Why, what the devil would you have 'em c'on- 
 ftr lifted for ? 
 
 Sir Harry. )uel fauvage ! (afide) why General, if 
 you muft know, the teeth belonging to perfons of fa- 
 ihion, are tortur'd into beauteous femi-circles, and po- 
 lifli'd thrice a day for the admiration of the beholders. 
 
 Gtn. And that's the reafon, I fuppofe, why our fine 
 Gentlemen are always upon the broad grin j a fet of 
 flop dawdle puppies ! 
 
 Sir Harry. Why, do you really think, General, that 
 I mould cut fo capital a figure in a fafliionable grin, if 
 I had delv'd all my days in tough, old Englifh roaft 
 beef ? 
 
 Gen. I tell you, I neither know nor cafe : but one 
 thing I fancy you'll find, that my daughter will not 
 eafily be prevailed upon to give up her notions of fub- 
 ft a ntials, in compliment to your delicate appetite. 
 
 Sir Harry. Oh leave that to me, General .- 1 fhall 
 foon make a convert of her ; or why have I fcaled the 
 Jofty Alps, and fwept the aromatic vales of bleft Italia : 
 if Narcifia is fortunate enough to have a gufto for 
 poetry and mufic, I fhall make a rapid conqueft. 
 
 Gen. Damn your mufic and poetry ! for both of yoit 
 together, would turn Worry-Hall into a mad-houfe, 
 
 F. Sir
 
 26 THE RIVAL CANDIDATES. 
 
 StrHarry.You muft know, General, that the Mufes all 
 Nine, fmil'd upon my birth, and Apollo flood god- 
 father to me by proxy. 
 
 Gen. Damme, but I believe he's touch'd ! [a/ide. 
 
 Sir Harry. I have written a fong, that has made a 
 little noife in the polite world ; and tach'd the crot- 
 chets to it myfelf. 
 
 Gen, .His crotchets ! Oh he's paft recovery. 
 
 \aftde. 
 
 Sir Harry. Nay, the Scavoire "uivre, of which I've 
 the honour to be a member, forc'd their annual prize 
 upon me for the compofition. You muft know, we 
 were rallied a little upon a certain occafion by the fe- 
 male wits of the Coterie : fo you may guefs who was 
 .fix'd upon for our literary champion, (affefledfy) You 
 fliall have it, though k will lofe much of its effecl:, from 
 the prefiure of an Englifh atmofphere, upon the deli- 
 cate organs of my pipe. 
 
 General (walking about ha/lily^) mad as a March hare \ 
 
 A I R XII. Mr. Dodd 
 
 Ladies in vain, 
 Why entertain, 
 
 Hopes to bewitch us with loves artful wiles ? 
 Ceafe to do fo 
 Since you all know, 
 We have his patent for dimple* and fmiles. 
 
 Gentler beaux that pow'r poflefling 
 
 Yield no more to your alarms, 
 Each his fccnted felf carefiirig, 
 
 Quite cnamour'd with his charms ! 
 
 Prettp
 
 A COMIC OPERA. 27 
 
 "Pretty playthings all adieu ! 
 
 Now diflblve in am'rous fighs, 
 We a fofter clime purfue, 
 
 Froze too long beneath your eyes. 
 
 Da Cape, 
 
 Gen. Pfhaw ! damn your fingino;, it may be very 
 fine, but I'm not in a humour to relifh it : I'm 
 touch'd to the quick at being flung by the Byrons ; 
 and yet you Teem to mind it no more, than the lofs of a 
 match of billiards. 
 
 Sir Harry. My dear General, be compos'd as I am ; 
 and don't fret yourfelf in this abfurd manner : 
 
 Gen. I won't be compos'd ; damme, but I will fret 
 myfelf ! Indeed if I was of your cucumber likedifpo- 
 fition, you might expect to find me as fine a piece of 
 ftill life, agreeable vegitation as yourfelf ; but no, no, 
 no, Sir !- . 
 
 Sir Harry. Now indeed, General, I mean to refent 
 their treatment ; and to fhew you I'm in earneft, I'll 
 lodge a petition againft them by this light. 
 
 Gen. Ay ; why there you are right, for your grounds 
 are good enough : 
 
 Sir Harry. 'Pon honour, General, you fhall be com- 
 manding officer for the day. 
 
 Gen. If that's the cafe, I have a plan : but I'm 
 fo tir'd : walk with me into the temple, and I'll tell 
 it to you : I am fure we fhall difcover fome under- 
 hand dealings of this young rafcal's at the bottom, and 
 don't doubt of bringing it home to him. (finding the 
 doors fajl) What the devil's the meaning of this ? 
 why the door's faften'd wi'hin. \liftsns at the key-bole\ 
 Zounds ! here are fome villains concealed with a 
 E 2 defign
 
 28 THE RIVAL CANDIDATES. 
 
 defign to rob the houfe ; liften, Sir Harry, (Sir Harry 
 puts his ear to the door) here Robbin ! Matthew ! 
 Jerry ! why, where the devil are thefe fcoundrels 
 got to ? 
 
 Sir Harry. Why really, General, I do hear a kind 
 of confederate buz, : [Enter Robbin. 
 
 Rob. \Vhat's your honour's will ? 
 
 Cm. Here, break open the door directly : fome 
 thieves have hid themfelves within fide ! 
 
 Rob. Have they, your worfhip ? then we'll foon 
 have them out. Come along my boys ! (Enter Mat. 
 and Jerry. ) Thieves in our garden I we'll let 'em 
 know that nobody fhall encroach upon our privileges, 
 
 without a good ducking, however : 
 
 [They bur/} open the door witf) their fpades^ and difcovcr 
 Byron: the gardeners laugh, ] 
 
 Gen. Hell and the devil ! what have we got here ? 
 - your feryant, Mr. Byron : I give you joy of your 
 election, Sir ! (Jneeringly} how compos'd the raf-r 
 cal ftands ! what, I fuppofe, you are a ft;ck of agree-? 
 able vegitation too ? 
 
 Sir Harry. This is rather too much, damme ! upon 
 his return for one borough, tc be can vailing for ano- 
 ther : Don't you fmoak a pettycoat, General ? 
 
 [The General looking inqiiifitlyely .~\ 
 
 Byr. Gentlemen, my prefent fituation prevents me 
 from returning your raillery :-r 
 
 Gen. Fire ! and fmoke ! my daughter's maid Jenny ! 
 why huffy, how dare you be lock'd up with fuch a 
 rake as this. 
 
 Jen. Law Sir ! the gentleman only afk'd to fee the 
 temple, and fo I thought there was no harm in {hewing 
 it him. 
 
 Sir
 
 A COM1 C OPERA. 2g 
 
 Sir Harry. Comingly kind, by all that's plump, and 
 lovely ! 
 
 Gen. How the devil did he get in when the gates 
 were all lock'd ? but it's a lye, huffy, he came 
 caterwauling after you ; but get about your bufmefs, 
 you jade ! you fhan't ftay in my houfe another mi- 
 nute ! 
 
 Byr. Nay then, Sir, T hope it will not offend you, 
 fince it can no longer be concealed, if I produce the 
 moft delicate teftimony of our innocence. 
 
 [Stepping back difcovers NarcifTa.J 
 
 Sir Harry. Doublets by this light ! 
 
 Gen. Narcifla ! Traytor ! deliver up my daughter, 
 whom you have feduced, that 1 may punifh her as fhe 
 deferves ! 
 
 Byr. Retire Narcifla, into the citadel, I befeech you, 
 2nd I'll defend you to the laft : 
 
 Narc. I beg you'll give me up, your danger over- 
 powers me. [To Byron.'] 
 
 Jen. Dear Ma'm, you are only to reward the con- 
 queror ; you have nothing to do with the battle : be- 
 fides, Mr. Muff will take care there lhan't be much 
 blood fpilt. 
 
 Gen. Matchlefs impudence ! what ! laugh'd at into 
 the bargain ? Seize him, Robin, and drag him to the 
 canal : Rafcals, why don't you obey my orders ? 
 
 Rob. What ! duck young Mafter Byron : not I, I 
 Jove him too well ? 
 
 Other gardeners. And fo do I : 
 
 Gen. Villains, you arc my flaves ; and I'll make you 
 do what I command you : lay hold on him, I fay ! 
 
 AIR
 
 30 THE RIVAL CANDIDATES; 
 A I R XIII. 
 
 TRIO. Mr.Banmfter, Mr. Faweet, and Mr. Kear. 
 
 He's the pride of the borough, god blefs him fay I! 
 I've poll'd for his honour, and will till I die ; 
 In vain then you rave, 
 I'll not be your flave, 
 Tho* I'm a poor fellow of humble degeee : 
 
 Which of you then will bear it ? 
 Will you ? 
 
 MAT. No I fwear it ! 
 
 Or you ? JERRY. No I fwear it ! 
 There is but one way then to fet us all free : 
 We'll none of us bear it : 
 Will you ? both No, I fwear it : 
 Nor BOB, I declare it : 
 This, this is the way then, for now we are free. 
 
 [Threw down their fpades^ &C.J 
 
 Syr. Yon muft excufe me Gen'ral, though I am un. 
 0er the neceility even in. this place, of defending your 
 daughter, from any violence on her inclinations. 
 
 Gen. Scoundrels ! I'll be revenged ! Oh ! here comes 
 Spy ! fetch my double-barrel'd horfe-piftols this in- 
 ftant j why the rafcal's drunk ! [Enter Spy.'] 
 
 Spy. Byron for ever ! fhoot who, him ? Lord love 
 his heart Byron for ever ! I tell you that won't do : 
 there's no flints : I would not hurt a hair of his head. 
 Byron for ever ! (turning to Sir Harry) So I think 
 v/e wa'n't troubled to chair your fine gingerbread car- 
 cafe : damme, you know'd a trick worth too. of th a. ! 
 
 Sir
 
 A COMIC OPERA. 3 r 
 
 Sir Harry. Filthy brute ! 
 
 Gen. The devil has bewitched 'em, all to confpire 
 againft me ! Get out of my fight, villain, or I (hall be 
 the death of you : 
 
 .Spy. Oh ! if that's all I can punch it : Byrzn 
 for ever ! tho' he don't want a fecond : he's fpunk: 
 he can manage 'em both No Muffs and Indigo 
 Nabobs Byron for ever ! [Exit rte/ing.] 
 
 Gen. Powder and fury \ I believe there's neither 2. 
 brave, nor an lioneft man left in the kingdom. Look 
 you, Sir Harry, win her and wear her : What ! I 
 fuppofe, I muft fight this fellow my lei f (goes up to the 
 door) but here he comes, if he rcfufes to furrender 
 her, put him to death ! 
 
 Sir Harry. Well, if it muft be fo, it muft ; tho"pon 
 my foul, I've no butchering ideas about me (halfdrcrws) 
 come, good Sir, don't put me to the fatigue of chaf- 
 tifing you. 
 
 Byr. Sir Harry , you have more humanity: 
 
 Sir Harry. No, fplit me if I have ! She's mine 
 by deed of gift j if you^ difpute that title, fhe muft be 
 mine by force of arms ; (Draws, and pitts bimfelfin an 
 .Attitude.) 
 
 Byr. Say you fo ? come on then : (drawing a 
 fiftol, Sir Harry fprings back.} 
 
 Gin. Why, what the devil, are you afraid of the 
 fmell of powder ? [To Sir Harry. 
 
 Sir Harry. No, not in the leaft, General, (confufedly) 
 I am I am only difconcerted a little for, for 
 fear of the ladies ; you faw they retired diforder'd : 
 befides, Sir, I'm not upon an equal footing with the 
 aflaffin. 
 
 Byr. No more you were, when you valiantly drew 
 
 upon
 
 y. THE RIVAL CANDIDATES: 
 
 upon a naked man. : however, Sir, not to alarm you 
 with the fuperiority of my weapon, thus I refign it into 
 your hands [Sir Harry receives the pijhl^ cocks it, and ad- 
 vances. 
 
 Sir Harry. Oh then the citadel's our own General ! 
 Byr. When you have won it, Sir ! (prefents afecondpi/lol. 
 Sir Harry. [Retiring affrighted.] Split me, but the 
 ruffian has got another ! 
 
 Gen. [locking carneftly at Byron] Damme, that's noble 
 too ! It's ahnoft a fin to kill fo fine a fellow : 
 but the calls of honor muft be obey'd : come, you 
 fhall fettle it like foldiers however : I little thought 
 I fhould ever fee another mot fired, (meafurts ttnpaws 
 with his cane. 
 
 Sir. Harry. My dear General, what are you about ? 
 
 Gen. About ? Why meafuring the ground : 
 
 you would not fight like a couple of foot-pads, 
 
 with the muzzle of the piftol in each others mouth, 
 
 would you ? What the devil ails you now ? 
 
 Sir. Harry. Dear General, your ear a moment (ivbif- 
 pering, my confcience forbids me. 
 
 Gen. Confcience ! who the devil ever heard of a 
 man's having confcience, who had no heart ? how- 
 ever, Sir Harry, I fee how the land lies : You need 
 give yourfelf no further concern about me or my fami- 
 ly : I am determin'd to have a brave man for my fon- 
 in-law, tho' I crofs the ocean for him. 
 
 Byr. You need not put yourfelf to that inconveniency, 
 Sir, when you behold in me, one, who is ready to 
 lay down his life in defence of your daughter's virtue, 
 and your honor. 
 
 Gen. Why, tho' my enemy thou art a fine fellow I 
 
 own : and if I. could forget the family grudge 
 
 Byr.
 
 A COMIC OPERA. 33 
 
 Byr. Believe me, Sir, I have lamented in fecret the 
 groundlefs animqfity, that has fo long fublifted be- 
 tween you and my father, fo fatal to the early over- 
 tures I made the lovely Narcijpj. 
 
 GeH. Zounds ! but when I resolleft, to b 
 jockey'd by you out of the borough, and by fuch 
 underhand means ! 
 
 Byr. Why; Sir, you furprize me ! they have cho- 
 fca that Gentleman, have they not ? [pointing to Sir 
 Harry.] 
 
 Gen. No, Sir, they have not. what, you don't 
 know, I fuppofe, that they have return'd you ? 
 
 Byr. Upon my honour, no, Sir : I have been employ'd 
 ugon a much more agreeable fervice : and to convince 
 you of it, as they have chofen me, contrary to my wifh-> 
 es, I am ready to refign my feat in favour of any one, 
 you fhail appoint. 
 
 Gen. No, you young dog : you fhan't do that neither : 
 I Am a little cooler than I was : that piece of flill life 
 .there, has -brought me to my fenfes : [pointing to Sir Harry] 
 I begin nw-to think, that the unanimous choice of a free 
 body of people, is too facred, to be fuperceded by the will 
 of any iiulividual ; befides your courage has charm'd me : 
 come, you yoking dog, you may releafe your prifo- 
 ners, they mall be .upon their parole, 'till I pafs 
 fentence. [By rat opens the door of the temple, and brings 
 them a little forward.] YOU look mighty cunning, 
 Sir Harry , aftej loofmg Tifplewejl, and the richeft 
 keirefs in the county , through your delicate feelings. 
 damn fuch feelings, fay I ! you'll c.ut a pretty figure 
 in the modern hiftory of Ma,ccaronyifm ! 
 
 Sir Hat: Why, good GeneraJ, you don't know me 
 
 vet : 1 confefs I have loft a pair of pretty toys ! 
 
 jput with refpeft to your modern fafire, a real fine gen- 
 
 F itleman,
 
 34. THE RIVAL CANDIDATES: 
 
 tleman, is infinitely beyond it's reach, I affureyou : * 
 fo I fhall laugh at the dinner-hunting tribe. 
 
 Geti. Why, where the devil did this fellow fpring 
 from ! (Byron, Jenny, -and Narcij/a, coming forward)- I 
 believe the young rogue deals in magic with both of us 
 (to Narciffa) come hither, ^irl, don't tremble fo : I 
 begin to think, that I've held out too long with Sir 
 Waltej and therefore I don't know how I can fhew 
 a heartier defire of reconciliation, than by rewarding 
 his fon of merit, with my only daughter and fifty 
 thoufand pounds : What fays Narcifia ? but I need 
 not afk.lv r ! 
 
 Nar. If I may difcover my partiality for Mr. Byron, 
 without offending you, Sir, I mould tell you, that I 
 have every reafpn in the world to admire and efteem him. 
 
 Gen, Gome hither, then, both of you ; as an earned 
 of my approbation, thfre I've joined your harids be- 
 fore the parfon ; and may neither you, nor I live to 
 repent it. 
 
 Byr. This, Sir, is fo generous, my life will be too 
 fhcrt to repay the obligation. 
 
 Sir ]rlat\. Demme, but I cut a pretty figure here truly 1 
 
 chous'd out of niy own borough, and a fine girl, 
 
 bv the. (on of a fox-hunting baronet; and laughed at 
 by the old Jew of a father, for endeavouring to accom- 
 modate him ! Well ! What's to be done ? Why, 
 upon my arrival at Almack's, I muft carry it off, for 
 the prefent, by dint of bronze ; tell 'em the girl was 
 damn'd ugly ; and, that the other borough had loft it's 
 charter. 
 
 Gen. Come, come, Sir Harry ; every man's not born 
 to be a giant-killer ; (ircmcatty) if it be not beneath 
 |he dignity of a fine gentleman, to rejoice at the fuccefs 
 
 of
 
 A C O M I C O P E R A. 35 
 
 bf a worthier man than hjmfelf, adjourn with us to 
 Worry-hall. 
 
 Sir Har. Any thih^; for a frolic, General, for I T m in 
 tip-top fpirks. 
 
 Gen. All that now remains^ is for me to endeavour 
 to prevail upon Sir Walter to meet us, and content to 
 make the little rogues happy : for my own part, I am 
 now fully convinced, that the tender affections were 
 never implanted in the human breaft, to be call'd forth, 
 r fupprdffedji by the caprice of an unfeeling parent. 
 
 V A U ft E V I L L E. 
 
 NARCISSA. 
 
 * 
 
 Rofy archer come away ! 
 (jive your train a holiday, 
 Lay your bow and quiver by, 
 Ceafe to wound, and hither hie 
 
 CHORUS. 
 Rofy archer, &c. 
 
 BYRON. 
 
 Hither bring the fmiling graces, 
 And the loves with cherub faces, 
 Bid the valleys laugh and fay, 
 " Love has made a holiday!" 
 
 CHORUS. 
 Hither bring, &c.
 
 THE RIVAL CANDIDATES. 
 
 SIR HARRY. 
 
 Lips of coral ! eyes fo pretty ! 
 
 Out of luck foregad was I : 
 Tho' I'm chous'd, I'll join the ditty j^~ 
 
 Down thou little rifing figh. 
 May Love's tender prittle-praftle 
 
 Keep the day for ever bright, 
 And no jealous tittle-tattle, 
 
 Mar the raptures of the night t 
 
 CHORUS. 
 May Love's tender, &c. 
 
 JENNY. 
 
 entlefolks if you'll permit me 
 
 I've a word or two to fay, 
 Tho' perhaps it mayn't befit me, 
 
 On my lady's wedding-day : 
 Graveft Don with eye of ferrit 
 Tho' he pra&ife all his art, 
 Cannot break a woman's fpirit, 
 Till he's ftrength to break hex heart. 
 
 CHORUS. 
 GravejftDon, &c. 
 
 COLONEL WORRY. 
 
 Brother grey-beards fhort's my ftory, 
 Read your features in this glafs, 
 
 Here's a convert now before ye 
 Metgmorphos'd from an afs : 
 
 When
 
 A C O M I C O P E R A. 37 
 
 When a fwain of merit woos her, 
 Make your girl a happy. wife ; 
 
 Nature bids you not refufc her, 
 In the CRISIS of her life. 
 
 CHORVS. 
 
 When a fwain of merit woos hci:, 
 Make your girl a happy wife ; 
 
 Nature bids you not refufe- her, 
 In theXiUsis of her We ! 
 
 THE E N D. 
 
 E-P.I LOG
 
 EPILOGUE. 
 
 Written by the AUTHOR, 
 
 AND SPOKEN EY 
 
 MR. W E S T O N, 
 
 Entering with a large Dig. 
 
 OH ! Lu'd ! What authors have we rrow adays f 
 A farmer ihh ! E cod or what you pleafe : 
 He f wears (tho' we've but juft got thro' one fweat-oj 
 He'll make us fpeak an epilogue duetto. 
 What fay you Dragon ? Why's your tar! fo low ? 
 Be not chop-fall'n they can't damn you? you know : ' 
 What dumb my comrade ? terrible difafter ; 
 So I muft puff for you, and for your mafter. 
 Ye Gods be kind ! No cat-call interference ! 
 Relieve, Tom Weflon^ 'tis h-is firft appearance. 
 
 You would not think it ; but the rogue's fo fteadjr, 
 He's in the privy-council here, already ; 
 The Prompter gives him merit univerfal, 
 Bccaufe \wbijli'wg\ his whiftle calls him to rehearfal -, 
 Be fides, he imitates no tragic brother $ 
 Who makes him pull down one bill port another ; 
 Tho' he's not fleek ; and has an hungry eye, 
 (A poet's dog is never fed too high) 
 Yet he is found, Sirs, and in good condition ; 
 He has no whimfies no indifpofition : 
 When e'er in letters large the bills he graces, 
 You're fure of feeing him if you have places j, 
 He'll top the bills, if to this text he flicks j 
 A dog of parts and have no puppy tricks ? 
 
 Odzooks^
 
 EPILOGUE, 
 
 Odzooks, I've loft his bufinefs in his praife ; 
 
 Oh ! here he's fent to guard his mafter's bays. 
 
 A Dragon, once they fay, kept watch and ward, 
 
 Some curious golden fruit from thieves to guard. 
 
 So to protect the poet's fruit from riot, -i 
 
 Secure fome guineas, and a better diet, > 
 
 He's fent this Dragon critics ! So fee quiet : ) 
 
 Sharp then's the word, my {lender waifted coufins, 
 
 He'll fwallow macaronies by the dozens ! 
 
 Growling, and fnarling, don't let this dog catch ye, 
 
 At all your tearing-work he'll over match ye ; 
 
 If by ill humours, you our bard wou'd puzzle, 
 
 I've nothing elfe to do but flip the muzzle ! 
 
 Tho' your fo high (to the galleries) Ton too he fooH 
 
 wou'd tame; 
 PRAGON has wings, if I but fhew him game. 
 
 But fhou'd his mafter's fmg-fong melt your foul, 
 He'll be as foft as Signer Rojlgnol : 
 Will with harmonious howlings fwell each note, 
 y\nd bark fweet mufic " only from bis throat ." 
 
 FINIS,
 
 #. 
 
 SITY OF CALIFORNIA LIBRARY 
 
 Los Angeles 
 This book is DUE on the last date stamped below. 
 
 Form L9-Series 444