. 
 
 .
 
 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
 
 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS

 
 The 
 Haunted Pajamas 
 
 BY 
 FRANCIS PERRY ELLIOTT 
 
 WITH ILLUSTRATIONS BY 
 
 EDMUND FREDERICK 
 
 NEW YORK 
 
 GROSSET & DUNLAP 
 
 PUBLISHERS
 
 COPYRIGHT 1911 
 THE BOBBS-MERRILL COMPANY
 
 TO 
 MY WINIFRED 
 
 8135480
 
 CONTENTS 
 
 CHAPTER PAGB 
 
 I A PRESENT FROM CHINA I 
 
 II AN OMINOUS DISCOVERY 9 
 
 III I DON THE PAJAMAS 20 
 
 IV JENKINS DECLARES FOR THE WATER WAGON . 29 
 V THE GIRL FROM RADCLIFFE . . 36 
 
 VI ARCADIAN SIMPLICITY 50 
 
 VII CONFIDENCES 58 
 
 VIII HER BROTHER JACK 74 
 
 IX AN AMAZING REVELATION 84 
 
 X A NOCTURNAL INTRUSION 95 
 
 XI IRON NERVE 106 
 
 XII I SEND A MAN TO JAIL 112 
 
 XIII FRANCES 122 
 
 XIV "You NEVER SAW ME IN BLACK" . . . 129 
 XV BILLINGS SYMPTOMS ALARM ME . . . 141 
 
 XVI AN INSCRIPTION AND A MYSTERY . . . 149 
 
 XVII THE PROFESSOR 155 
 
 XVIII I RECEIVE A SHOCK 167 
 
 XIX THE SPELL OF THE PAJAMAS .... 176 
 
 XX BILLINGS RAMBLES 184 
 
 XXI THE COLLAPSE OF BILLINGS .... 190 
 
 XXII MY DARLING Is SLANDERED .... 200 
 
 XXIII A MESSAGE AND A WARNING .... 211 
 
 XXIV I SPEAK TO HER FATHER 222 
 
 XXV THE FAMILY BLACK SHEEP 234
 
 CONTENTS Continued 
 
 CHAPTER PACK 
 
 XXVI FLORA 245 
 
 XXVII I RECOVER THE PAJAMAS 257 
 
 XXVIII "IF I EVER FIND A MAN!" . . . .272 
 
 XXIX "BECAUSE You ARE You" .... 283 
 
 XXX THE JUDGE FIXES "FoxY GRANDPA" . . 298 
 
 XXXI THE DEMON RUM 313 
 
 XXXII I TOUCH BOTTOM 324 
 
 XXXIII UNDER THE PERGOLA 332 
 
 XXXIV THE CUB 342 
 
 XXXV IN THK GLOW OF THE RUBIES .... 350
 
 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS
 
 CHAPTER I 
 
 A PRESENT FROM CHINA 
 
 IT was the first thing I saw that night as I swung 
 into my chambers. Fact is, for the moment, it 
 was the only thing I saw. Somehow, its splash of 
 yellow there under the shaded lamp seemed to catch 
 my eye and hold it. 
 
 I screwed my glass tight and examined the thing 
 with interest. Nothing remarkable; just a tiny, ob 
 long package, bearing curious foreign markings, its 
 wrapper plainly addressed to me, but 
 
 "By Jove! From China!" I ejaculated. 
 
 Somebody in far-off China sending me a present, 
 with duties and charges prepaid evidently. 
 
 What the deuce was it? I shook it without get 
 ting any revelation ; then I weighed it in my hand. 
 
 The thing was devilish light! In fact, so light 
 that, allowing for outside wrapper and box, dashed 
 if I could see how there was anything at all. 
 
 Then I had an awful thought: Suppose, by Jove, 
 i
 
 2 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 they had forgotten to inclose the thing whatever 
 it was! Jolly tiresome, that, if they had. I felt 
 devilish annoyed. 
 
 Really, awfully provoking to do that sort of 
 thing, you know; and I was jolly sure now the 
 dashed thing had been wrapped up empty. I won 
 dered what silly ass I knew in China who would be 
 likely to do a thing like that. I couldn t think of any 
 one at all I knew in China, so I rang for Jenkins. 
 
 "Anybody I know in China, Jenkins?" I asked. 
 And to help him out, I added : "Fact is, some chap s 
 sent me a package, you know." 
 
 "Name on box, sir, perhaps." Said it offhand, 
 just like that no trouble of thinking, dash it all 
 never even blinked. Just instinct, by Jove ! 
 
 And there it was, nicely printed in the corner 
 with a pen : 
 
 ROLAND MASTERMANN, GOVERNMENT HOUSE, 
 HONG KONG, CHINA 
 
 I read it aloud can t read anything, you know, 
 unless I read it aloud and looked at Jenkins in 
 quiringly. But he came right up to the scratch ; just 
 seemed to get it from somewhere right out of the 
 wall over my head : 
 
 "Beg pardon, sir; but think it s that London gen 
 tleman entertained you at the Carlton when you 
 were over the other side." 
 
 Mastermann ! By Jove, so it was I began to re 
 member him now, because I remembered his dinner,
 
 A PRESENT FROM CHINA 3 
 
 several of them, in fact, during the three years I 
 had lived over there, acquiring the English accent 
 manner, you know and all that sort of thing! 
 
 Mastermann oh, yes, I had him, now! Jolly 
 rum old boy, but entertaining and clever long hair, 
 pink wart on jaw! And, by Jove, I had promised 
 him promised him what the deuce was it I had 
 promised him? Let me see: he was something or 
 other in the foreign office ; yes, I had that and tre 
 mendously interested in mummies and psychical in 
 vestigation and rum sort of things like that, and 
 
 "By Jove!" I ejaculated, as it came to me. "And 
 for that reason he wanted them to send him out to 
 China." 
 
 "Beg pardon, sir," put in Jenkins, "but think 
 you had a letter with a Chinese postmark last week." 
 
 He looked around at my little writing-desk and 
 coughed slightly behind his hand. 
 
 "Was just a-wondering, sir, if it might not be 
 among those you haven t opened there are several 
 piles. If I might look, sir " 
 
 I nodded. Fact is, I allow Jenkins much privi 
 lege, owing to long service. Then, you know oh, 
 dash it, he s so original so refreshing and that sort 
 of thing so surprising. Just as in this case, he 
 thinks of so many devilishly ingenious, out-of-the- 
 way sort of things ! 
 
 It was Jenkins idea that I find out what was in 
 the box by just opening the dashed thing while he 
 looked for the letter.
 
 4 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 Clever that, eh ? Well, rather ! 
 
 So I unsheathed my little pocket manicure knife, 
 cut the strings and removed the wrapper. Inside 
 was just a little, straw-covered box with a telescope 
 cover and inside the box, wrapped in. tissue, was a 
 tight roll of bright red silk. 
 
 That was all not another thing but this little silk 
 roll. It was a wad as thick as three fingers and per 
 haps twice as long, tied with a bit of common string, 
 ending in a loose bowknot 
 
 I gripped my glass a bit tighter in my eye and 
 took a long shot at the thing. But dashed if I could 
 make anything out of it at all. You see, the string 
 went around it at least three or four times. Such 
 a devilish secretive way to fix a thing, don t you 
 think ? 
 
 A queer, sweet, spicy sort of odor swept past me; 
 that reminded me of the atmosphere at Santine s> 
 and places in the Metropolitan Art Museum. I sat 
 down, the better to think it over, turning the little 
 roll in my hand and trying to think of all the thing* 
 it might be. 
 
 "Looks like it might be a red silk muffler, Jen 
 kins," I exclaimed in disgust. By Jove, I was never 
 so devilish disappointed in my life never I m 
 sure of it! If I had been a girl I should have cried 
 dash it, I know I should. 
 
 I pinched the roll gloomily. 
 
 "If it s a red silk muffler, Jenkins, catch me wear 
 ing it, that s all!" I burst out indignantly. "Rotten 1
 
 A PRESENT FROM CHINA 5 
 
 "bad form, if you ask me. I d look like an out-and- 
 out bounder!" 
 
 Then I had a horrible thought : 
 Or or the Salvation Army, dash it !" 
 Here Jenkins thrust a letter at me. "Perhaps this 
 may explain it, sir," he suggested. 
 
 Sure enough, it was from Hong Kong, and from 
 that chap, Mastermann. Out there on special mission 
 for his government, he said. I don t know what it 
 was never did know, in fact, for I skipped down 
 to this paragraph, which I read aloud : 
 
 "Every puff of those rare cigars you sent me has 
 but reminded me that my debt to you is still un 
 paid." 
 
 I read thus far ; then I read it again. But I could 
 make nothing of it. 
 
 "Cigars cigars?" I exclaimed, puzzled. 
 
 Then I forgot the letter as I stared at Jenkins. 
 
 "And what s the matter with you?" I demanded. 
 
 For I had caught him with his hand over his 
 mouth, obviously trying to suppress a chuckle. He 
 sobered instantly, but seemed embarrassed for a 
 reply. 
 
 "Oh, I say, you know !" I urged him. 
 
 He started to speak, then pulled up. His breath 
 went out in a sort of sigh. And he just stood there 
 looking at me, and looking kind of scared. 
 
 Fact! Perfectly irreproachable service for five 
 years ; and now here, dash it, showing emotion and
 
 6 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 that sort of thing, just like well, like people, by 
 Jove! Gad, I don t mind saying I was devilish put 
 out ! I screwed my glass rather severely and he made 
 another go : 
 
 "I hope, Mr. Lightnut, sir, you ll try to pardon 
 me, sir, but I Well, indeed, sir, the mistake wasn t 
 mine; it was the dealer s fault, you know, sir." 
 
 "Oh!" 
 
 I stared, polished my glass and nodded. I even 
 chirped up a smile, but I didn t utter a word. Dash 
 it, what was there to say ? But you mustn t let them 
 know that, you know. So I just waited, and he 
 squirmed a little and went on : 
 
 "It was too late after he told me about the mis 
 take ; and I was well, I was afraid to mention it to 
 you, sir." 
 
 "Mistake! What mistake ?" 
 
 He gulped; dashed if I didn t think he was going 
 to choke. 
 
 "I I m sure, sir, I wouldn t have had such a thing 
 happen for 
 
 I could stand it no longer. 
 
 "Oh, I say! I haven t any idea what you re talk 
 ing about !" 
 
 Jenkins cleared his throat with an effort, his eyes 
 rolling at me apologetically. When he spoke there 
 was a tremble in his utterance, and it was rather 
 husky : 
 
 "Why, sir," he began in a low tone, "you told me 
 to have your dealer ship this gentleman, this Mr.
 
 A PRESENT FROM CHINA 7 
 
 Mastermann, a dozen boxes of Paloma perfectos 
 your favorite brand, you know, sir ninety dollars 
 the hundred." 
 
 He paused, his fingers resting tremblingly on the 
 edge of the table. 
 
 "I dare say," I yawned presently. "Well, what of 
 it?" I was getting impatient. By Jove, he was mak 
 ing me downright nervous, don t you know! Be 
 sides, I was so devilish anxious to get on with Mas- 
 termann s letter. I wanted to find out, if possible, 
 what it was the fellow had sent me. 
 
 Jenkins breathed hard and leaned toward me. 
 Then he seemed to flunk again and dropped back. 
 Dashed if I didn t think I heard him groan! But I 
 stared at him through my glass, and he swallowed 
 hard and went on : 
 
 "An error, sir, of the shipping clerk. He " 
 
 With a murmured apology, Jenkins paused to 
 vvipe his forehead. I saw that the perspiration had 
 gathered in great drops. Then he seemed to gather 
 himself for a resolute effort, his eyes fixing them 
 selves upon me with the most extraordinary expres 
 sion kind of half-frightened, half -desperate glare 
 that sort of thing, don t you know. I began to 
 feel devilish uncomfortable and edged away. 
 
 And he made another plunge : "They sent him 
 
 And, dash me if he didn t stick again! It just 
 looked like he couldn t get past. But I encouraged 
 him just like you have to do a horse, you know 
 and this time he got over :
 
 8 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 "They sent him a dozen boxes of Hickey s Pride/ 
 sir, instead!" 
 
 He spoke in a low, choking voice and looked me 
 full in the eye the kind of look you get when a 
 chap s boxing with you, you know that sort of 
 thing.
 
 CHAPTER II 
 
 AN OMINOUS DISCOVERY 
 
 T WAS puzzled. 
 
 " Rickey s Pride ? " I repeated thoughtfully. 
 "I don t seem to recall that one. Do I smoke it 
 often?" 
 
 Jenkins seemed to gasp. 
 
 "You? Certainly not, sir! Never!" 
 
 And, by Jove, he turned pale! Anyhow, he 
 looked devilish queer as he put his hands down on 
 the table and bent to whisper : 
 
 "Mr. Lightnut, sir And the way he dropped 
 his voice and turned his head to peer around into 
 the corners was just creepy! That s what, creepy! 
 This, with the glow from the green lampshade on 
 his pale face as he leaned across the table oh, it 
 was something ghastly awful, you know! It got 
 on my nerves, and I could feel the hair slowly rising 
 on each side of my part. He bent close, whispering 
 behind his hand, and I knew he had been eating rad 
 ishes for dinner: 
 
 "It s what s known in the trade, sir, as a two- 
 fer. " 
 
 "A twofer! " I repeated, puzzled. 
 
 9
 
 io THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 "Two for five, sir." Jenkins spoke faintly. "I m 
 sure I m ashamed to mention to a perfect gen " 
 
 "By Jove, / know!" I lifted my ringer suddenly. 
 "I know now the kind you mean big, fat, greasy- 
 looking ones the sort Vanderdecker and Colonel 
 Boylston smoke over at the club." I shook my head. 
 "Too jolly thick and heavy for me. So they re two 
 for a V eh? Oh, I see twofers ! By Jove!" 
 
 A brand new one, this a ripper! I made up 
 my mind to spring it on the fellows first chance 
 that is, if I could remember the jolly thing. I just 
 looked at Jenkins solemn face and laughed. 
 
 "Oh, I say, Jenkins hang the expense, you 
 know!" I remonstrated in some disgust. For this 
 London chap had given me no end of a good time, 
 you know; and it s such devilish bad form rotten, 
 I say haggling about expense when you want to 
 make a come-back and do the handsome. I was 
 jolly glad the mistake had happened. 
 
 Just here I remembered the letter and went at it 
 again, for I was keen to find out, if possible, if it 
 was a muffler under the string. So I fixed my glass 
 and read on : 
 
 "Realizing what these cigars are, I have given 
 them, from time to time, to friends of mine and 
 others. Really, I don t think I ever had such un 
 selfish, unalloyed pleasure from anything in my 
 life. Gave one to a bus driver out Earl s Court way 
 chap who had never been known to speak to man, 
 woman or child in years, and, after he lighted it
 
 AN OMINOUS DISCOVERY n 
 
 well, my word ! He opened up and grew so bally 
 loquacious I had to get off." 
 
 "By Jove!" I exclaimed. 
 
 I felt real pleased that kind of fizzy glow sort 
 of bubbling-champagney- feeling you get, you know, 
 whenever a friend does some clever, unexpected 
 thing like repaying a loan, for instance. Know 
 about that, because I had it happen to me once. 
 Fact! 
 
 "See that, Jenkins?" I said with a little triumph. 
 
 I wanted to reassure him, for I could see with half 
 an eye that the poor fellow was devilish plucked 
 about the expense. And Jenkins certainly looked 
 regularly bowled over. 
 
 I read on : 
 
 "Had been trying to get Jorgins, my chief, to 
 send me out here again to China, but he was ever 
 finding some cold, beastly evasion. But when your 
 package came to the office, the first thing I did after 
 I had tried the cigars was to hand the old iceberg a 
 box with my compliments. 
 
 "Five minutes after, he came back, completely 
 thawed out. Fact is, never saw him so warm to 
 ward any one. Asked me if the other boxes were to 
 be given away outside. Said no; that his was the 
 only box I could spare; was going to keep em all 
 there at the office and smoke em myself. Never 
 saw a man so moved so worked up over a little 
 thing. Next day he sent me out here to China." 
 
 "Coals of fire!" I ejaculated admiringly. "Reg 
 ular out-and-out coals of fire, by Jove!"
 
 12 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 "And so I have been looking about since I have 
 been out here, trying to find something as rare, 
 unique and full of surprises for your friends as your 
 cigars have been for mine. I have found it." 
 
 "And devilish handsome of him, Jenkins, eh?" I 
 commented gratefully; and I looked with renewed 
 interest at the little roll in my hand. Jove, how I 
 wished, though, he would come to the point and say 
 what it was ! 
 
 "You know what a curiously upside-down people 
 the Chinese are. Example, they begin dinner with 
 desert and end with soup; they drink hot, acid bev 
 erages in summer instead of iced ones; they write 
 from right to left, vertically, while we write from 
 left to right, horizontally; they mourn in white in 
 stead of black, and they are awfully honest and pay 
 their debts. 
 
 "But there is one other point of difference still 
 queerer : they wear pajamas all day, while we wear 
 them only at night." 
 
 Here I yawned. Always hate that heavy, histor 
 ical, instructive stuff, you know. If you have to 
 hear it, gives you headache, unless you can slip off 
 to sleep first. 
 
 So I reached the letter up to Jenkins. 
 
 "Just run over the rest of it yourself, and see if 
 he says anything about his present," I said, settling 
 comfortably. Clever idea of mine, don t you think? 
 
 And I was just dropping my head to have a snug 
 little nap just a little forty, you know when,
 
 AN OMINOUS DISCOVERY 13 
 
 dash me, if I didn t have another idea! Awfully an 
 noying, time like that. 
 
 Mind is so devilish alert, dash it ! Always doing 
 things like that ; can t seem to get over it, you know. 
 And this ripping idea that bobbed up now and got 
 me all roused up was nothing more or less than to 
 untie the string myself and see what the thing was. 
 See? 
 
 "I believe, sir," said Jenkins, looking up, "the 
 gentleman has sent you h m has sent you 
 
 "By Jove, a suit of pajamas!" I exclaimed, hold 
 ing them up. 
 
 It was neck and neck, but I beat Jenkins to it, 
 after all ! 
 
 "Gentleman says, sir," continued Jenkins, study 
 ing the letter, "that his present of a pair of pajamas 
 may seem surprising, but you won t know how sur 
 prising until you have worn them." 
 
 "Jolly likely," I admitted, feeling the silk. By 
 Jove, it was the finest, yet thinnest stuff I ever saw, 
 soft as rose leaves and as filmy light as a spider s 
 web. Not bad, that, for a comparison, eh ? Caught 
 the idea from a vase of full-blown roses that were 
 beginning to shed their petals there on the table. 
 And on one of the blossoms was a little brown 
 spider. Catch the idea? Suggested spider s web, 
 you know. 
 
 "They re rather red, sir," Jenkins commented du 
 biously. 
 
 Red ? Well, I should say ! My ! How jolly red
 
 I 4 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 they were! We spread them under the light, and 
 the red seemed to flow all over the table and fall 
 from the edge. Why, they were as red as 
 
 I tried to think of something they were as red as, 
 but somehow I couldn t fetch the idea. I thought 
 of red ink and blood and fireworks, but they didn t 
 seem to be up to them at all. And a big, velvety 
 petal that dropped from one of the crimson roses 
 just seemed brown beside them. 
 
 And yet, dash it, I knew they reminded me of 
 something, you know; I knew they must. 
 
 "They remind me" I began, and had to pause 
 idea balked, you know. "They remind me of 
 of Jenkins, what do they remind me of ?" 
 
 "Of him, sir," replied Jenkins promptly. 
 
 "Eh?" 
 
 "Old Memphis Tuffles, sir," explained Jenkins 
 darkly. "I saw him once in a opera, and he was that 
 red." 
 
 "By Jove!" I said thoughtfully, and fell to watch 
 ing the little spider. It was dropping a life-line or 
 something down to the pajamas. 
 
 "But they say he ain t always red," Jenkins con 
 tinued mysteriously. "A lady as is in the palmistry 
 and card-reading line in Forty-second Street told me 
 he turned black whenever he got down to business. 
 Do you suppose that s where they get the idea of 
 what they call black magic, sir?" 
 
 I answered absently, for I was wondering whether 
 the little spider was curious about the jolly red color
 
 there below him. And just then Jenkins hand went 
 out and swept at the little thread. The spider 
 dropped and shot into a fold of the pajamas. 
 
 "I say ! Look out !" I exclaimed as Jenkins made 
 another clutch. "Don t mash the beast on the silk; 
 you ll ruin it the silk, I mean !" 
 
 "There it goes, sir !" said Jenkins eagerly. "Over 
 by your hand." 
 
 "No ; by Jove ; he s gone into a leg of the pajamas! 
 Here, shake him out gently now!" 
 
 Jenkins lifted the garment gingerly and lightly 
 shook it. But nothing came forth. 
 
 "Why don t you look in the leg," I said, "and see 
 if you can see it?" 
 
 Jenkins peered down one of the silken tubes and 
 forthwith dropped it with a yell. He jumped back. 
 
 "Look out, sir," he cried excitedly; "don t touch 
 em ! There s a tarantula in there big as a sand crab, 
 and it s alive." 
 
 "A tarantula ? Nonsense ! We don t have taran 
 tulas in New York," I protested. 
 
 Jenkins gestured violently. "One s there, sir, 
 anyhow! I saw one once on a bunch of bananas 
 down in South Street. If they jump on you and 
 bite, you might as well just walk around to the 
 undertaker. A dago told me so." 
 
 I backed nervously from the crumpled crimson 
 pile on the floor. 
 
 Crimson? 
 
 Of course, I knew it was crimson; it must be the
 
 16 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 shadow of the table there that made the things so 
 dark black, in fact. But my mind was on the 
 tarantula ; and I was thinking that it must have been 
 wrapped with the pajamas. Yet I could not under 
 stand how this could be, considering how tightly 
 the things had been rolled. 
 
 Anyhow, it was there; and Jenkins pointed ex 
 citedly. 
 
 "Look, sir! You can see it moving under the 
 silk!" 
 
 By Jove, so you could! And the thing seemed 
 nearly as big as a rat. It was making for the enc/ 
 of the leg. I climbed upon a chair. 
 
 "Get a club," I exclaimed, "and smash the thin^ 
 as it comes out !" 
 
 Jenkins rushed out and returned with a brassie. 
 
 "Careful now," I warned from the chair. "Don * 
 go and hit the dashed thing before it gets out, and 
 make a devil of a mess on the silk ! There it is itV 
 out ! No, no not yet ! Wait, until it gets its whok 
 body out ! There now ; he s drawing out his las^ 
 beastly leg. Now now let drive!" 
 
 And he did, and seemed to hit the thing squarely. 
 
 I knelt on the chair and craned over, while Jen 
 kins still held the stick tightly at the point where 
 the thing had struck. 
 
 "Get him?" I queried. "Where is it?" 
 
 "That s it, sir," said Jenkins in an odd voice. "Il 
 ain t here."
 
 AN OMINOUS DISCOVERY 17 
 
 "Why, dash it, I saw you strike the beast, right 
 where you re holding that club." 
 
 "Mr. Lightnut, sir" Jenkins spoke a little husk 
 ily and glanced around at me queerly "will you 
 look under the end of this stick and see if you see 
 what I see ?" 
 
 I climbed down and examined cautiously. 
 
 "Why, by Jove, it s the little spider!" I exclaimed, 
 surprised. 
 
 "Exactly, sir; what s left." Jenkins took a deep 
 breath. 
 
 "Thank you, sir it s a great relief," he sighed. 
 
 "Eh?" 
 
 "I mean, sir, I m glad I ain t the only one who 
 thought he saw that other. It s some comfort." 
 
 Jenkins spoke gloomily. 
 
 "Thought you saw?" I repeated. 
 
 But Jenkins only shook his head as he gathered 
 up the remains of the spider and consigned them to 
 a cuspidor. 
 
 "You mean say, what the devil do you mean?" 
 I asked sharply. 
 
 Jenkins straightened with air respectful but sol 
 emn. 
 
 "Mr. Lightnut, sir," he began gravely, "there s a 
 party lectures on the street corner every night at 
 nine on the fearful consequences of the drink habit, 
 and passes around blank pledges to be signed. I m 
 going to get one first chance; and if you will accept
 
 i8 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 it, sir meaning no offense I would be proud to 
 get you one, too." 
 
 I stared at him aghast. 
 
 "Oh, I say, now," I murmured faintly, "you don t 
 think it was that, do you?" 
 
 Jenkins face was eloquent enough. 
 
 "I m through, sir," he said sadly. "When it 
 comes to seeing things like that " He lifted his 
 eyes. "No more for me, sir; my belief is, it s a 
 warning yes, sir, that s what, a warning." 
 
 I collapsed into a chair. 
 
 "By Jove !" I gasped uneasily. 
 
 I was awfully put out annoyed, you know. It 
 was the first time anything of the kind had ever hap 
 pened to me. If I started in with tarantulas, what 
 would I be seeing next ? 
 
 Jenkins gulped nervously. "Why, sir," he whis 
 pered, leaning toward me, "these pajamas you see 
 for yourself how red they are they actually seemed 
 to lose color when that bug was in em." 
 
 "Oh, pshaw!" I said contemptuously. "I saw 
 that, too." And I explained to him about the 
 shadow of the table. He nodded. 
 
 "But that only makes it worse, sir," he commented 
 dubiously. "It shows the mental condition, as they 
 say. You know, we were talking about the black 
 art remember, sir?" 
 
 I did remember; and also I remembered then we 
 saw the spider. I recalled that spiders and tarantu 
 las belonged to the same family. Of course Jenkins
 
 AN OMINOUS DISCOVERY 19 
 
 suspicions hit the nail it must be that there was 
 no getting around it but still 
 
 "By Jove, Jenkins!" I said, trying to go a feeble 
 smile. "I never felt so fit for a corking stiff high 
 ball in my life never!" 
 
 I took a screw on my glass and studied him curi 
 ously. 
 
 "And I say, you know better take one your 
 self!" I added.
 
 CHAPTER III 
 
 I DON THE PAJAMAS 
 
 BY Jove, Jenkins, they fit like a dream !" 
 I twisted before the glass and surveyed the 
 pajamas with much satisfaction. They looked jolly 
 right from every point. Moreover, with all their 
 easy looseness, there was not an inch too much. 
 They had a comfortable, personal feel. 
 
 "Lucky thing they weren t made originally for 
 some whale like Jack Billings eh, Jenkins ?" I com 
 mented musingly. 
 
 Behind his hand Jenkins indulged in what is vul 
 garly known as a snicker. 
 
 "Mr. Billings, sir, he couldn t get one shoulder in 
 em, much less a h m leg," he chuckled. "They d 
 be in ribbons, sir!" 
 
 I yawned sleepily, and Jenkins instantly sobered to 
 attention. He held his finger over the light switch 
 as I punched a pillow and rolled over on the mat 
 tress. 
 
 "All right," I said; "push the jolly thing out." 
 And with a click darkness fell about me. 
 
 "Good night, sir," came Jenkins voice softly. 
 
 "Night," I murmured faintly, and I was off. 
 20
 
 I DON THE PAJAMAS 21 
 
 Sometime, hours later, I awoke, and with a 
 devilish yearning for a smoke. It often takes me 
 that way in the night. 
 
 I climbed out in the blackness and found my way 
 into the other room. I remembered exactly where I 
 had dropped my cigarette case when we were fool 
 ing with the pajamas by the table, and I found it 
 without difficulty. 
 
 In the act of stooping for it, my hand clutched the 
 edge of the table and I felt a spot yield under the 
 pressure of my thumb. It was the button control 
 ling the bell to Jenkins room. 
 
 "Lucky thing he sleeps like a jolly porpoise," I 
 reflected. 
 
 I pushed a wicker arm-chair into the moonlight 
 and breeze by a window, and pulling a flame to a 
 cigarette, leaned back, feeling jolly comfy. For the 
 breeze was ripping and delicious, and the delicate 
 silk of the pajamas flowed in little wavelets all the 
 way from my heels to my neck. 
 
 And, thinking of the pajamas, I tried to fix my 
 mind on it that I must tell Jenkins to have me write 
 that chap, Mastermann, and send him another lot 
 of those devilish good cigars he liked. I tried to 
 recall what Jenkins had said was the name of the 
 brand something deuced clever, I remembered that 
 much. 
 
 I was just about dropping off, when I heard some 
 one hurrying along the private hall leading from the 
 back. Jenkins himself popped into the room.
 
 22 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 "Did you ring, sir?" he inquired, and advanced 
 quickly. 
 
 And then, before I could think about it to reply, 
 he halted suddenly, almost pitching forward. Then, 
 with a kind of wheezy howl, he sprang to the wall. 
 Next instant, I was blinking under the dazzling elec 
 trolier. 
 
 "Here, I say! Shut off that light!" I remon 
 strated, half blinded. 
 
 I heard a swift rush across the rugs, and the next 
 thing I knew I was roughly jerked from out my 
 chair; strong fingers clutched my throat, and I 
 found myself glaring into a frightened but resolute 
 face. 
 
 "Jen-Jenkins!" I tried to gasp, but only a gurgle 
 came. 
 
 I was so taken unawares, I knew it must be some 
 dashed dream. Perhaps another minute, and I 
 would wake up. But he gripped me tighter and 
 shook me like a rag. 
 
 "Say, who are you?" he hissed. "How did you 
 get in here?" 
 
 And then, of course, I knew that he was crazy. 
 Whether he was crazy in a dream or crazy with 
 me awake, I couldn t guess. It made very little dif 
 ference, anyhow, for I knew that in another minute 
 I should be either dream dead or real dead ; and dash 
 rne if I could see any odds worth tossing for in 
 either, you know. 
 
 But I don t belong to the athletic club quite for
 
 I DON THE PAJAMAS 23 
 
 nothing, and have managed to pick up a few tricks, 
 you know. So with the decision to chuck the dream 
 theory, I shot my leg forward with a mix-up and 
 twist that made Jenkins loosen his clutch and stag 
 ger backward. 
 
 "What s the matter with you?" I gasped, ad 
 vancing toward him. "Are you trying to murder 
 me?" But I was so hoarse, the only word that came 
 out plainly was "murder." 
 
 Jenkins uttered a howl. "Help, Mr. Lightnut! 
 Murder!" 
 
 "You old fool!" I cried, exasperated. "Come 
 here!" 
 
 He was coming. He seized a light chair and 
 swung it behind his head. Then he rushed me with 
 i shout. 
 
 "Oh, Mr. Lightnut!" 
 
 "Gone clear off his nut !" was my thought. As he 
 jjwung the chair, I ducked low, and man and chair 
 went crashing to the floor. But he was up again in 
 a jiffy and dancing at me. 
 
 "Mr. Lightnut, sir, why don t you help me?" 
 
 "Help you you jolly idiot?" I muttered indig 
 nantly. Then my voice raised : "I ve a mind to kill 
 you!" 
 
 With a yell, he made a kangaroo jump and swung 
 at me again. 
 
 "He says he s going to kill me, Mr. Lightnut!" he 
 panted as I dodged again. "Help me wake up, 
 sir!"
 
 24 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 Wake up? Wake up, indeed, when I had never 
 been so devilish wide awake in all my life! I was 
 sure now about that. I moved toward him cau 
 tiously. 
 
 "Stop your row!" I cried angrily; "you ll have 
 somebody in. Think I want the police up here ?" 
 
 With a glare at me, Jenkins darted past me to 
 the bedroom I had just left. Its light switch clicked, 
 and then back through the brightened doorway he 
 sprang and dashed for a wall cabinet at the side. He 
 began tugging at its little drawer. And suddenly I 
 remembered the revolver there, an old forty-five 
 from a friend in Denver and loaded ! 
 
 My spring to intercept him was quick, but not 
 quick enough. Half-way to him I pulled up under 
 the compelling argument of the long blue barrel 
 pointed at my head. 
 
 "Here! Look out, you fool it s loaded!" I 
 warned, backing away to the window. 
 
 Jenkins advanced. "What have you done with 
 him?" he panted hoarsely. "Where is he?" 
 
 "Where s who?" I asked savagely, for I was get 
 ting devilish tired of it all. But for the publicity, I 
 should have yelled from the window. 
 
 "Where s Mr. Lightnut ?" he demanded. 
 
 "Oh, he s all right." I decided to adopt that 
 soothing tone that I had read somewhere was the 
 proper caper with lunatics. 
 
 "Where?" Jenkins insisted, pushing nearer. 
 
 And dashed if I knew what to answer; for, if I
 
 I DON THE PAJAMAS 25 
 
 made a mistake, it might be serious, by Jove! Per 
 haps some jocular reply would be safest might di 
 vert his attention, you know. 
 
 The open window gave me an idea. 
 
 "Why, do you know," I said pleasantly, "I just 
 chucked him down into the street." 
 
 It sounded like a cannon cracker, that gun ! The 
 shower of splintered glass from the picture between 
 the windows barely missed me. But I never waited 
 a second for this last devilish straw was too much, 
 don t you know, and something had to be done. I 
 leaped for the weapon as it struck the hardwood 
 floor between us, jerked from Jenkins hand by the 
 unfamiliar upward kick. Another instant and I was 
 poking the muzzle into his side. 
 
 "I ve just had enough of this, you fool !" I cried 
 impatiently. "Here, take a good look at me!" I 
 pushed my face closer. "Look at me, I tell you !" 
 
 By Jove, he shuddered ! His eyes, wide distended 
 with terror, rolled to the ceiling. 
 
 "I can t," he whispered ; "I just can t anything 
 but that! Only, please please don t kill me, too." 
 
 "Kill you?" I said, frowning sternly as he gave 
 a furtive glance. "I certainly will, if you don t take 
 a good look at me!" 
 
 He gave a sort of despairing sigh and closed his 
 eyes so tightly the lashes disappeared. "All right, 
 then," he said sullenly ; "you may kill me !" 
 
 The way with these lunatics, I thought. Next 
 thing, he would be begging and insisting that I kill
 
 26 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 him. I motioned to the door of my guest-room and 
 gave him a push. 
 
 "In there," I said, "and keep perfectly quiet." 
 
 And as he shot inside, I closed the door and 
 locked it. I just had to take the chance of his hurt 
 ing himself against the walls and furniture ; I didn t 
 believe he was so crazy he would undertake the six- 
 story leap to the ground. Listening, I heard some 
 thing like a sob. Then I caught my name. 
 
 "Poor Mr. Lightnut," came chokingly; "the kind 
 est, gentlest master!" And then more sobs and 
 gulps. 
 
 By Jove, under his insane delusion, the poor beg 
 gar was grieving for me; not thinking of himself at 
 all, you know. I felt my eyes grow a bit moist, 
 somehow, and all at once my heart went heavy. 
 Thought how long poor old Jenkins had been with 
 me ever since I was out of college, you know five 
 years and remembered how devilish faithful and 
 attached he had always been. Poor old Jenks! It 
 was awful his going off this way ! I recalled how he 
 had taken to seeing things, earlier in the evening, 
 and had made me see them, too, dash it ! One thing 
 I determined : whatever had to be done with him, he 
 should have the finest of attention. 
 
 I knew that I ought to telephone to somebody or 
 something, but dashed if I had any idea who or 
 where. Oddly enough, not a soul seemed to have 
 been roused by the pistol shot, but I saw by the little 
 clock that it was close to three the hour in a
 
 I DON THE PAJAMAS 27 
 
 bachelor apartment house when everybody is asleep, 
 if they re going to sleep at all. 
 
 I decided that the best thing to do first was to get 
 into some clothes. And with this thought I was 
 turning away, when it occurred to me to make an 
 effort to see if poor Jenkins seemed more rational 
 now or had gone to sleep. 
 
 I tapped upon the door. "Are you asleep?" I 
 asked softly. 
 
 A howl of positive terror came back. 
 
 "I m a-keeping quiet," he cried, "but don t let me 
 hear your voice again, or I ll jump right out of the 
 window." 
 
 I shook my head sadly and tiptoed into my room, 
 where I slipped hurriedly out of the pajamas and 
 into some clothes ; then back I went to the telephone. 
 It was on my little writing-desk close to the door 
 confining Jenkins. 
 
 I lifted the receiver with a sigh. 
 
 "Hello, central," I began, responding to the oper 
 ator. "I say, will you give me information ? 
 
 A loud shout suddenly sounded from behind the 
 closed door, and there came a frantic double-pound 
 ing of fists. 
 
 "Mr. Lightnut Mr. Lightnut!" screamed Jen 
 kins. "Oh, Mr. Lightnut, you re back you re alive 
 I can hear your voice! This is Jenkins, Mr. 
 Lightnut; yes, sir, Jenkins. They ve got me locked 
 in!" 
 
 I clapped the receiver on the hook and sprang to
 
 28 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 the door, unlocking it. Jenkins almost tumbled into 
 my arms. By Jove, for a second I hung in the wind, 
 he acted so crazy still; at least, it seemed so just at 
 first. The fellow threw his arm about my neck and 
 laughed laughed and cried, dash it and just 
 wringing my hands and carrying on Oh, awful! 
 And even when I got him into a chair, he just sat 
 there laughing and crying like a jolly old silly, pat 
 ting my hand, you know, and wiping his eyes, what 
 time they were not devouring me. 
 
 "Has he gone, sir?" he gasped huskily. "Did he 
 jump from the window?" But I waved all ques 
 tions aside. 
 
 "After you ve had some sleep," I insisted. "Then 
 I ll tell you the whole jolly story." And I just got 
 him to his room myself, despite his distress and pro 
 tests over my attention. 
 
 "Thank you, sir, and good night," he said as I 
 left him. And he murmured placidly, "I guess 
 we re all right now." 
 
 But I was not so sure as to him, when I viewed 
 the broken chair and scattered fragments of glass 
 ominous reminders of the scene through which I had 
 passed. And so, though I threw the pistol on top of 
 a bookcase, I spent the rest of the night upon the 
 soft cushions of my big divan.
 
 CHAPTER IV 
 
 JENKINS DECLARES FOR THE WATER WAGON 
 
 "T)UT this savage-looking Chinaman that you 
 -- saw, Jenkins how was he dressed?" I 
 adopted a careless tone of inquiry. 
 
 It was high noon, and I was toying with an after 
 luncheon, or rather after breakfast, cigar. 
 
 Jenkins head shook dubiously. "I just remember 
 something blackish. My, sir, I didn t have time to 
 notice nothing like clothes !" 
 
 His tone conveyed aggrieved protest. He went 
 on: 
 
 "Just as I m telling you, sir, I saw some one sit 
 ting there by the window and walked toward him, 
 thinking it was you. Then, all of a sudden, I see 
 his awful face a-scowling at me there in the moon 
 light." 
 
 "And he was smoking, you say?" 
 
 Jenkins sniffed indignantly. "Free and easy as 
 a lord, sir ! He held a long stick to his ugly mouth, 
 and smoke was curling out of a little bowl near the 
 end." 
 
 "Oh, opium pipe, eh?" 
 
 "Likely, sir," agreed Jenkins; "but I never saw 
 one." 
 
 20
 
 30 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 By Jove, I had my own opinion about that! I 
 knew he must have seen one before; but I just went 
 on questioning, to gain time, you know, and wonder 
 ing all the while how I should ever be able to break 
 the truth to the poor fellow. 
 
 "Tell me again what he was like," I said. "How 
 did you know he was a Chinaman ?" 
 
 "Why, by his long black pigtail, sir, and his onery 
 color. But I never saw no Chinaman as ugly as 
 this one no sir. Oh, he was just too awful horrid 
 to look at, sir. His forehead sloped away back, or 
 maybe the front part of his head being all shaved 
 made it look that way. And the skin about his eyes 
 was painted white with red streaks shooting around 
 like rays of light." 
 
 "No beard or mustache, I suppose?" I suggested, 
 feeling my own smooth-shaven face. Jenkins reply 
 was a surprise: 
 
 "Yes, sir ; there were long black kind of rat tails 
 that dropped down from the sides of his mouth. 
 And then his neck ugh all thick with woolly 
 hair." 
 
 "Oh. it was, eh?" I said drily, thinking of the 
 long red stripe that my collar concealed. "I suppose 
 you felt this, eh, when you jumped at his throat?" 
 
 Jenkins rubbed his chin with a puzzled air. 
 
 "Why, that s uncommon queer, sir; but now that 
 you remind me, I do remember that his neck felt 
 perfectly smooth and it wasn t so big, either. Why, 
 I should say it felt just about like yours would, sir."
 
 THE WATER WAGON 31 
 
 I eyed him ruefully. 
 
 "By Jove, I don t doubt it a minute!" I com 
 mented with some disgust. "See here, Jenkins, I 
 suppose you ve been to the Chinese theater down in 
 Doyers Street, eh?" 
 
 For I had been down there with slumming parties, 
 and I remembered the hideous sorcerers, fierce war 
 riors and kings the Chinks represent in their inter 
 minable plays. And the facial make-up described by 
 Jenkins tallied in a way with some I recalled from 
 these ancient, semi-mythical plays. 
 
 But at my question, Jenkins lip curled a little; 
 dash me, but he looked almost insulted. 
 
 "I should say not, sir," he said with a sniff; "you 
 don t catch me going down in them parts!" He 
 added quickly: "Meaning no offense, sir." 
 
 "Sure?" I questioned sharply. 
 
 "Never, sir!" Jenkins earnestness was unmistak 
 able. But of course I knew the poor fellow had for 
 gotten all about it. 
 
 "One of the jolly rum things that goes along with 
 his affliction," I reflected sadly. "A month from 
 now the poor beggar will be swearing he never saw 
 me in his life." And how the devil was I going to 
 break the truth to him? I sighed perplexedly. 
 "Well, go on with your yarn," I said irresolutely. 
 "You were telling, when I interrupted, about rush 
 ing into my bedroom." 
 
 "Yes, sir," he resumed with animation. "And 
 when I didn t find you, I was just frantic, for I
 
 32 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 didn t know you had gone out, sir never thought 
 of that ; I went for the ugly monster with the big 
 pistol there in the cabinet which, by the way, sir, 
 the low down villain stole when he locked me up and 
 lit out." 
 
 I had an inspiration. 
 
 "I see," I broke in carelessly; "and then you de 
 manded to know where I was that it? Then you 
 backed him to that window, and he told you he had 
 chucked me into the street whereupon you tried, 
 to blow off his head and knocked the jolly daylights 
 out of the lady with the fencing foil." 
 
 Jenkins, his mouth agape, viewed me with dis 
 tended eyes. 
 
 "I didn t tell you that, sir," he faltered. "How " 
 
 "And when you dropped the weapon," I went on, 
 "this chap collared it, jabbed the beastly thing into 
 you, and told you to look at him. And by Jove you 
 wouldn t !" 
 
 Jenkins groaned slightly. The apologetic cough 
 with which he strove to mantle the sound was drj 
 and spiritless. 
 
 "No, sir; it seemed easier to die, sir," he mur 
 mured "what with him grinning like a fiend and 
 his long teeth a-sticking out over his lip ugh!" 
 Then he added wonderingly : "But what gets me is 
 how you should know, sir." 
 
 I looked at him gravely. 
 
 "Jenkins," I said gently 2 "I know, because it so 
 happens I was here all the time."
 
 THE WATER WAGON 33 
 
 His eyes bulged incredulously. 
 
 "You, sir? You mean in this room?" 
 
 I nodded slowly. "I mean right in this room I 
 was a witness of the whole thing." 
 
 Jenkins just gulped. I motioned to a chair. 
 
 "You may sit down, Jenkins, my poor fellow," I 
 said compassionately. I poured out some whisky 
 and gave it to him. 
 
 "Yes, yes; I want you to drink that," I insisted 
 as he took it hesitatingly. "You will need it. Drink 
 every drop of it." 
 
 And I watched him do it. For somehow the poor 
 devil seemed to be growing paler every minute, and 
 I was afraid the shock of what I was going to say 
 would send him into a swoon. 
 
 Jenkins replaced the empty glass with a positively 
 trembling hand. By Jove, his face turned a kind 
 of asparagus yellow. 
 
 It alarmed me a little, for I felt apprehensive that 
 perhaps it was time for him to have another spell, 
 you know. Of course, I knew that the devilishly 
 adroit, tactful way I was breaking it to him wouldn t 
 disturb the peace of a baby. Some people would 
 have gone about the thing in some deuced abrupt 
 way, don t you know, and alarmed him. I didn t 
 want to do that in fact, I took pains to tell him so 
 at the start. 
 
 "I don t want to frighten you, my poor fellow," 
 I said, leaning toward him and speaking in a low, 
 earnest voice just that way, you know no excite-
 
 34 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 ment. "You mustn t let anything I say frighten you 
 badly about yourself." 
 
 "No, sir. Thank you, sir." But I could hardly 
 hear him. 
 
 I waited a moment, eying him steadily just do 
 ing it all in that calm way, you know and then : 
 
 "You must brace yourself for a great shock, my 
 poor Jenkins," I said soothingly. And then I 
 thought I had best hurry on, for I could tell by the 
 way his eyes rolled and the blue color of his lips that 
 probably I was just in time to head off another at 
 tack. And then I told him all. 
 
 "And here," I concluded, "are the marks of your 
 ringers under my collar, and the pistol is on top of 
 the bookcase." 
 
 Jenkins just sat there, kind of huddled up, you 
 know, and his face as white as the what-you-call-it 
 snow. Didn t seem able to say a word. By Jove, 
 it was too much for me; my heart just went out to 
 him. 
 
 "It s all right, Jenkins," I said kindly, and I patted 
 his knee. "Doesn t make a jolly bit of difference to 
 me, personally. Just told you because I thought you 
 ought to know. You just go right along and con 
 tinue your duties, so far as I am concerned." 
 
 Jenkins hand slipped along his knee and ventured 
 to touch mine timidly. He rose heavily. 
 
 "Mr. Lightnut, sir," he said huskily, "if you re 
 not going to need me very much, could I be excused 
 for a while to-night?"
 
 THE .WATER WAGON 35 
 
 "By Jove, yes, Jenkins! Go out and enjoy the 
 evening; it will do you good. Stay as long as you 
 like, dash it ! You know I dine to-night at the club. 
 Go to a roof garden and get some fresh air." 
 
 A toss of the head broke Jenkins calm; his fist 
 struck his palm. 
 
 "It ain t that, sir," he exclaimed. "I don t want 
 no fresh air, but I do want fresh resolution and a 
 fresh start. I m going to find him." 
 
 "Him !" I was startled. Dash me, I half thought 
 he meant the Chinaman. 
 
 "Him, sir; that temperance lecturer, I mean. I m 
 going to get out a paper against that old enemy 
 there!" And he shook his fist at the whisky de 
 canter.
 
 CHAPTER V 
 
 THE GIRL FROM RADCLIFFE 
 
 "JONG distance call from Mr. Billings, sir," said 
 A Jenkins, lifting the receiver. 
 
 By Jove, he had just caught me as I was about to 
 leave. 
 
 "Hello! That you, Lightnut?" came his voice. 
 "Say, old chap, you remember you said you 
 wouldn t mind putting up the kid overnight on the 
 way home from college. Remember? Wants to 
 rest over and come up the river on the day line." 
 
 Yes, I remembered, and said so. 
 
 "All right, then; it s to-night. Be there about 
 nine from Boston. Don t go to any trouble, now. 
 nor alter any plans. The kid will probably be dead 
 tired and off to bed before you get home from your 
 dinner." 
 
 "That s all right, old chap; Jenkins will look after 
 the young one." 
 
 I heard Billings chuckle I remembered that 
 chuckle afterward. 
 
 "Not much of the young one there. Eighteen, you 
 know. Never off to school, though, until last year 
 and by George, it was time ! Between my mother and 
 
 36
 
 THE GIRL FROM RADCLIFFE 37 
 
 /my sister the kid was being absolutely ruined pet 
 ted, mollycoddled, and was getting soft and silly 
 oh, something to make you sick. Well, so much 
 obliged, Dicky. You know what these hotels are. 
 Good-by." 
 
 I explained to Jenkins. "All right, sir," he said. 
 "I won t go out until after nine. It ll be time 
 enough." 
 
 And so I went off. I returned early, about ten, 
 ;nnd sat reading. Jenkins was still away, and the 
 door of my guest room was open. 
 
 "Good evening!" 
 
 The voice behind me was soft, musical, delicious. 
 
 I whirled about, and there, within the door, lean 
 ing against the frame, was the most beautiful crea 
 ture I ever saw in all my life. 
 
 A girl ! But oh, by Jove, such a girl ! A lovely, 
 rosy blonde, dash it! Golden-haired angel long, 
 droopy kind of lashes, don t you know eyes like 
 dreamy sapphire seas oh, that sort of thing a 
 peach! 
 
 The leap that brought me to my feet sent my chair 
 thudding backward. 
 
 "Why er good evening," I managed to stam 
 mer. Just managed, you know, for, give you my 
 word, I never was so bowled over in my life never! 
 And on the instant I guessed what it meant. The 
 "kid" that Billings referred to wasn t a kid brother 
 at all, but was a kid sister girl, by Jove ! 
 
 "Are you busy?" I saw the flash of her perfect
 
 38 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 little teeth as her lips parted in a smile. "If not, 
 may I talk to you a while?" 
 
 I mumbled something designed to be pleasant 
 dash me if I know what and managed to summon 
 sense enough to lift toward her a wicker arm-chair. 
 Then I dashed into my bedroom to chuck the smok 
 ing- jacket and get into a coat. And all the while I 
 was thinking harder than I ever had thought it pos 
 sible. 
 
 Just the thing to have expected of an ass like 
 Billings a fellow with no sense of the proprieties! 
 His kind of mind had never got any further than the 
 fact that I had a guest-room and a quiet apartment. 
 The further fact that it was in a bachelor apartment 
 house and I a bachelor and not yet out of my 
 twenties, dash it would never have presented itself 
 to a chump like Billings as having any bearing on 
 the matter. 
 
 "Of course, I must get right over to the club and 
 leave her in possession it s the only thing left to 
 do." This was my thought as I slipped into my coat 
 and gave my hair a touch just a touch, don t you 
 know. The thing to do was to carry it off as nat 
 urally as possible for a few minutes, and then slip 
 away. Probably she hadn t counted upon my being 
 in town at all had taken it for granted it was some 
 sort of family apartment with housekeeper, servant 
 maids, all that sort of thing. 
 
 "Never mind," I thought, as I kicked off my half- 
 shoes and jerked on the first things at hand. "Thing
 
 THE GIRL FROM RADCLIFFE 39 
 
 to do now is to keep that child s mind from being 
 distressed. She ll have a good sleep and get off 
 early in the morning on the Albany boat. Don t 
 -suppose she d understand, anyhow sweet, innocent, 
 unsophisticated thing like that. What a fool Bil 
 lings is!" 
 
 And I jammed in savagely the turquoise matrix 
 pin with which I was replacing the pearl, because 
 ^t went better with my tie. 
 
 "Now, just a few minutes of conversation to put 
 her at her ease," I reflected, "and then I m off. I ll 
 get the janitor s wife to come up and stay near her." 
 
 And I dashed back, murmuring some jolly rub 
 bish of apology. And then I just brought up speech 
 less almost fell over backward. For as she stood 
 l:here under the light, I saw that what I had taken 
 for a dress of black silk was not a dress at all, but 
 a suit of pajamas black, filmy pajamas, whose 
 Loose, elegance concealed but could not wholly deny 
 /:he goddess-like figure within. 
 
 "I d have known you anywhere, Mr. Lightnut." 
 .And then I found that we were shaking hands, rny 
 fingers crushed in a grasp I never could have thought 
 possible from that tiny hand. "From hearing Jack 
 talk, your name is a sort of household word in the 
 Billings family." 
 
 I mumbled something jolly idiotic some ac 
 knowledgment. But I was pink about the ears, 
 and I knew it, while she was cool and serene as a lily 
 of the what-you-call-it, don t vou know. I was trv-
 
 40 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 ing not to see the pajamas, trying to pretend not to 
 notice them, but dashed if I didn t only make it 
 worse ! 
 
 For she looked down at herself with a laugh 
 rather an embarrassed laugh, I thought; and her 
 little shrug and glance directed attention to her 
 attire. 
 
 "I see you re looking at the pajamas," she said 
 smiling. 
 
 And her eyes looked at me through those droop 
 ing lashes oh, such a way ! 
 
 "Oh, no I assure certainly not," I stammered 
 hastily. Dash it, I never was so rebuked and morti 
 fied in all my life. What an ass I had been to seem 
 to notice at all ! 
 
 She looked troubled. "Say, do you mind my 
 wearing them?" she inquired. 
 
 "I? Certainly not well, I should say not!" I 
 retorted, almost with indignation. 
 
 "Sure?" By Jove, what ripping eyes she had! 
 
 "Of course not!" emphatically. 
 
 Her sunny head nodded satisfaction. ."That s all 
 right, then. I was afraid you wouldn t like it 
 afraid you would think I was acting a little free. 
 But your man Jenkins isn t that his name? said 
 he thought you would like for me to wear them." 
 
 I gasped. 
 
 "Jen what s that?" I was amazed, indignant at 
 Jenkins effrontery. "He he suggested that you 
 wear er these ?"
 
 THE GIRL FROM RADCLIFFE 41 
 
 She nodded, her glorious eyes shining wistfully. 
 
 "You see, I went to a frat dance last night in 
 Cambridge," she explained; "and in the hurry this 
 morning, somehow, one of my bags a suit-case 
 was left behind. And when I got here to-night and 
 began piling the things out of my other bag well, 
 I saw I was up a tree. Not a thing to slip into, you 
 know not so much as a dressing-gown or even a 
 bathrobe. Then your man saved my life sug 
 gested these pajamas. See?" 
 
 "Oh, I see!" 
 
 I said so; but, dash it, I wasn t sure I did, for I 
 knew so devilish little about girls. But I got hold of 
 this much : I understood that this delicately reared 
 creature had missed the restfulness and luxury of 
 a shift to some sort of dressing-robe after her day 
 of travel. Probably one of those ribbony, pinky- 
 white fripperies one sees in the windows of the 
 Avenue shops, rosy, foamy dreams like the well, 
 like the crest of a soda cocktail, don t you know. 
 And the pajamas had been adopted as a comfortable 
 makeshift. 
 
 By Jove ! And here she was sitting, calmly telling 
 me all about it just as she might to Jack never 
 thinking a thing about it ! My, how charming, how 
 innocent she was ! But, dash it, that was the reason 
 she was so beautiful of course, that was it and 
 I had never seen anybody like her in all the world 
 before. I knew jolly well I never should again, 
 either. But I knew I ought to go and at once.
 
 42 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 "I must cut along now," I thought; "infernal 
 shame to be taking advantage of her this way!" 
 And then I thought I would just wait a wee minute 
 longer. 
 
 Just then she turned toward me, her elbow on 
 the arm of the wicker chair, her dainty, manicured 
 finger-tips supporting her chin. 
 
 "You know, Mr. Lightnut, I wasn t sure you 
 would remember me at all," she said. "I was such a 
 kid when you saw me last." 
 
 "Oh, yes," I said, trying to recall the rather 
 hoydenish children I had seen on the motor trip to 
 Billings home five years before. "I remember yor, 
 were quite a little girl weren t you?" 
 
 I thought her face darkened a little; then het 
 smile flashed through, like sunshine through a cloud 
 Her laugh came on top, like the mellow ripple of a 
 tiny brook that sort of thing oh, you know! 
 
 "Oh, I say now, Mr. Lightnut, cut out the josh," 
 she remonstrated; and I thought she grew a little 
 red. "No more for mine those sissy, girlie ways 
 I ve got well over all of that !" 
 
 She tossed one knee over the other and threw her 
 self back in the chair. She seemed a little piqued, 
 She went on : 
 
 "I just tell you what there s nothing like a 
 couple of years off at college for toughening you! 
 Gets all those mamma s baby ways out of you, you 
 bet your life, and all the slushiness you get from 
 trying to be like your sisters. Shucks !"
 
 THE GIRL FROM RADCLIFFE 43 
 
 I caught my breath. Of course, she had no idea 
 how it sounded this sort of talk; it was just her 
 innocent frankness, her what d ye call it? her in 
 genuousness dash it ! 
 
 She continued musingly: "Gee, but I was soft 
 when I first went away a regular pie- faced angel- 
 child!" Her voice had in it a sneer. Then she 
 straightened up, whirled her chair facing me, and 
 gave me a sounding slap on the knee. "Say, maybe 
 the fellows I met didn t educate that out of me 
 mighty quick! Well, I reckon yes!" And she 
 nodded, eying me sidewise, her pretty chin in the 
 .air. 
 
 But, dash me, I was so aghast I couldn t get out 
 ,a word. Just sat there batting at her and turning 
 hot and cold by turns. Came devilish near losing 
 consciousness, by Jove, that s what ! 
 
 Of course, I knew she didn t know what she was 
 talking about. Hadn t any sisters myself, don t you 
 know, and never had learned much about other 
 fellows sisters; but, dash it, I knew something 
 about faces, and I would have staked my life on 
 hers. You can nearly always tell, you know. But, 
 anyhow, I thought I had better go now. 
 
 I got up. "I say, you want to just make yourself 
 at home," I said. "And if you don t mind, I ll see 
 you at the boat in the morning." 
 
 She stood up, too, looking rather surprised. 
 "You re not going away?" 
 
 "Oh, no; not out of town." I thought that was
 
 44 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 what she meant. I added : "And as I go out, I ll 
 stop down-stairs and have some one come up and 
 stay with you." 
 
 She dropped to the arm of the chair, her pretty 
 face showing dismay. 
 
 "Oh, but see here! I m running you off I know 
 I am. Say, Mr. Lightnut, I don t want to do that. 
 I thought sure you were going to be here. Brother 
 insisted you would be." 
 
 Brother! Nice brother, indeed, for her poor 
 little thing! 
 
 "Oh, you ll be all right," I said reassuringly. "I m 
 just going over to the club, don t you know not far 
 away." 
 
 She came right up to me and placed a hand on 
 each shoulder. 
 
 "Honest Injun, now," she said and her smile 
 was ravishing. "Honest, now, Mr. Lightnut, you re 
 going just because I m here. Say now, own up!" 
 
 And, dash it, there was nothing to do but admit it. 
 
 "All right," she said; and I thought her eyes 
 flashed a little. "Then I go to a hotel that s all !" 
 
 "A hotel! Why, you can t do that oh, I say!" 
 
 "Why can t I?" She was downright angry I 
 could see it; and how distractingly lovely she was 
 with that flame in her cheeks ! 
 
 But she. was just a child an innocent little child ; 
 and how the deuce could I ever make her under 
 stand ? 
 
 I stammered : "Why er not in New York, you
 
 THE GIRL FROM RADCLIFFE 45 
 
 know. They won t take a lady in at this time of 
 night. They " 
 
 She snapped her fingers. "Oh, I say, Mr. Light- 
 nut, play easier on that girlie and lady pedal ; cook 
 up a fresh gag! I tell you, I ve put all that behind 
 me. Say, wait till you ve known me a little, and I ll 
 bet a purse you never call me a lady again ! Lady ! 
 Say, that s funny!" 
 
 And it certainly seemed to strike her sense of 
 humor. She gave me a sudden punch in the side 
 that fairly left me breathless, and her laughter rang 
 out birdlike, joyous. Of a sudden I felt devilish 
 awkward and foolish. 
 
 "Oh, please stop stringing me, Mr. Lightnut 
 don t treat me like a kid. I want to get acquainted." 
 Then her bright face sobered. "Say, was that on the 
 level that about your going to leave me ? See here, 
 I m not bothering you, am I, Mr. Lightnut?" 
 
 "Bothering me!" I ejaculated. "Bothering me? 
 I should say not !" 
 
 I think I must have said it heartily and convin 
 cingly, don t you know, for her lovely face looked 
 pleased. 
 
 "Because if I am," she said earnestly, "I ll fade 
 away into my own little room there." Her glance 
 ranged toward her door. "It s sure some swell, that 
 room." 
 
 "So jolly glad you like it," I said. 
 
 "Well, I should say!" Then her beautiful eyes 
 looked at me full.
 
 46 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 "You know, I didn t expect this I mean having 
 a room all to myself. Never." 
 
 And then, while I gasped, she went on, sweetly 
 and calmly : 
 
 "Why, Mr. Lightnut, Brother Jack would throw 
 seventeen thousand fits if I went to a hotel, be 
 cause She laughed deliciously. "Well, I prom 
 ised him that if he would let me come home by New 
 York I would stay right here with you and behave 
 myself." 
 
 "Behave yourself!" I echoed indignantly. "Why, 
 look here, do you mean to say Jack Billings your 
 own brother, you know thought you wouldn t ei 
 do that at a hotel?" 
 
 "Thought?" Her laugh this time was explosive 
 "No, he never thought it ; he knew I wouldn t ! Hi 
 knew I would be tearing around all night with the 
 boys that s what !" 
 
 And dash me, if she didn t throw herself back 
 with a kind of swagger, by Jove ! 
 
 "Why, you you wouldn t do such a thing!" 1 
 uttered faintly. 
 
 , "Wouldn t I?" She straightened suddenly, and 
 her lovely blue eyes narrowed at me. "Say, Mr, 
 Lightnut, I don t want you to get me sized up- 
 wrong. I m none of your little waxy gardenias 
 not much ! When I m in New York, it s the bright 
 lights and the Great White Way for mine yes, sir, 
 every time!" 
 
 And she gave me a blow on the shoulder that wa.<
 
 THE GIRL FROM RADCLIFFE 47 
 
 like a stroke from a man s arm. It sent me down 
 into my chair. 
 
 "If you don t believe me," she added, her face 
 shining with excitement, "just you ask Jack about 
 last summer when I came through about that joy 
 ride to Coney with three Columbia fellows, and how 
 we got pinched. Oh, mamma, but didn t Jack swear 
 at me!" 
 
 I heard a noise by the door. Jenkins stood there, 
 his eyes sticking out like hard boiled eggs. 
 
 "I I m back, sir," he said rather falteringly. 
 "Beg pardon, sir; just thought you d want to know. 
 I didn t know you h m !" And with an odd look 
 and a little cough Jenkins slipped away. But I 
 scarcely noticed him at all. 
 
 Poor misguided girl ! 
 
 My brain was buzzing like a devilish hive of bees, 
 don t you know. By Jove, this was something 
 awful! 
 
 And yet and yet Her frank, sweet face met 
 mine with a clear light that there was no mistaking. 
 There was no going behind it she was a thorough 
 bred, a queen a lady, dash it! I knew it! And I 
 just settled on that, and was ready to die right then 
 and there if anybody dared to dispute it. I didn t 
 care a jolly hang how she talked ; it was just 
 nothing just the demoralizing swagger of a little 
 boarding-school girl trying to show off like her 
 brothers. And her language? Why, just the devil 
 ish, natural result of having a coarse, slangy brute
 
 48 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 like Billings for a brother. Poor little girl! It was 
 a beastly shame. 
 
 She was watching me curiously, smilingly, as she 
 sat there, her devilishly pretty mouth puckered into 
 a cherry as she softly whistled and drummed her 
 shining nails upon the chair arm. 
 
 "I m afraid I ve shocked you," she said. "Jack 
 says you re so good." 
 
 Dash it, somehow I felt humiliated! She said it 
 in a way that made me feel like a silly ass, you 
 know. 
 
 But she wasn t thinking about me any more. Her 
 eye fell on the tabouret, and her little hand stretched 
 toward it. 
 
 "May I ?" she said with an arch inquiring glance. 
 "Your cigarettes look good to me. I emptied my 
 case an hour ago." 
 
 And I proffered them with a show of alacrity. 
 "Pray, pardon me," I said. "I I never thought oi 4 
 you smoking." A chuckle came through the tiny 
 teeth grasping the cigarette. "Thought I was too 
 goody-goody, eh?" 
 
 I stammered something dashed if I know what 
 and blinked a little gloomily as she drew a brisk 
 fire from the flame I tendered. 
 
 Odd thing, by Jove; here I had been going to 
 dinners, world without end, where fellows wives 
 and girls and sisters smoked cigarettes, and I never 
 had thought a thing about it. But now, somehow, 
 I didn t like it for her. Sort of thing well enough
 
 THE GIRL FROM RADCLIFFE 49 
 
 for other chaps girls and sisters, you know, but > 
 well, this was different, by Jove! Devilish queer 
 thing, that, what a lot of things seem the caper for 
 them that we don t like for "our own," eh? 
 
 And yet oh, I say, she certainly did look fetch 
 ing about it downright bewitching, you know! I 
 think maybe it was because she didn t fumble the 
 thing as if she was afraid of it as if it was just a 
 red hot coal and going to burn her. Most of them 
 do, you know. No, this girl really seemed to enjoy 
 it. Inhaled the whole thing at three draws and 
 reached for another. 
 
 "Do er you smoke much?" I ventured anx 
 iously. "Cigarettes, you know?" 
 
 She pulled a sparkling half-inch as she shook her 
 little head. I felt awfully relieved. "Not for me," 
 she remarked carelessly. "I prefer a pipe." 
 
 "Pipe!" I repeated feebly. 
 
 The golden head inclined. "Bet you! Good old, 
 well-seasoned brier for mine well-caked and a 
 little strong." Puff-puff. "Oh, damn your patent 
 sanitary pipes, I say!" 
 
 And as backward I collapsed upon the cushions, 
 "he threw her leg over the arm of her chair and shot 
 two long cones of smoke from her dainty nostrils.
 
 CHAPTER VI 
 
 ARCADIAN SIMPLICITY 
 
 A MOMENT later I had another shock. 
 ** "I don t blame you for looking at me so hard/ 
 she said, rubbing her chin and looking, I thought, 
 a little confused. "For did you ever see a face like 
 mine?" 
 
 "I I never did!" I said stammeringly, for, by 
 Jove, the question was so unexpected ; but I knew I 
 said it earnestly and with conviction in every word. 
 
 She nodded. "Never got a chance to shave, you 
 know caught the train by such a margin and my 
 kit s in that other bag. Guess I ll have to impose on 
 you in the morning for one of your razors." 
 
 I stared at her in horror. 
 
 "Shave? You don t shave?" I protested blankly. 
 
 "Myself, you mean? Have to; I haven t got a 
 man to do it for me." She seemed to sigh. "Not old 
 enough yet to have a man, Jack says." 
 
 And just here her attention seemed to center on 
 my cellarette over in the corner. 
 
 "Gee, but it s warm to-night, isn t it?" she re 
 marked absently. 
 
 And there was nothing to do but take the hint or 
 leave it ; and after all, she was a guest, you know ! 
 
 50
 
 ARCADIAN SIMPLICITY 51 
 
 "Perhaps you will permit me to offer you some 
 refreshment," I suggested, rising. I knew it sounded 
 devilish stiff; and I knew, moreover, that I looked 
 like a jolly muff, in fact. 
 
 "Perhaps I will," she chuckled. "Say, don t urge 
 me too hard, Mr. Lightnut; you might embarrass 
 me." 
 
 I did not want to embarrass her. "I thought per 
 haps a lemon soda would refresh you," I explained. 
 "Or, if you will allow me, I will have Jenkins make 
 you one of his famous seltzer lemonades. Perhaps, 
 though, you would prefer just a plain 
 
 I halted in confusion, for she was laughing 
 at me. 
 
 "A plain cup of tea," she gurgled, "or a crcme 
 de menthe!" And then her laughter burst deliciously. 
 "Say, do you know, honestly, I m only just getting 
 on to that dry humor of yours. You ve had me 
 fooled. You do it with such a serious face, you 
 know. Say, it s great!" 
 
 I tried to smile, but I knew it was a devilish sickly 
 go the more so, because just at that moment her 
 slender fingers discarded the remnant of her last 
 cigarette and reached for a cigar. Another instant, 
 and she had deftly clipped and lighted it. 
 
 I decided I wouldn t ring for Jenkins. 
 
 I felt ashamed as I looked in the cellarette, and 
 wondered what the deuce I should offer her. 
 Couldn t think of anything I had ever heard of 
 boarding-school girls going in for except ice-cream
 
 52 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 soda ; and, dash it, I didn t have any ice-cream soda. 
 Nearest thing would be a little seltzer and ginger 
 ale. That would do. 
 
 "Oh, I say, I m going to make you a highball," I 
 said, trying to assume a frisky, jocular air. 
 
 Her voice lifted in alarm. "Nay, nay, Clarence 
 not for me!" she urged hastily. 
 
 "But it s only" 
 
 "No fizzy adulterations in mine not on your 
 life." She followed me across the room. "Just give 
 me the straight, pure goods anything, just so it s 
 whisky." 
 
 And before I could say a word if, indeed, I 
 could have said a word she had selected a decanter 
 of Scotch, and with cigar tilted upward in her tender 
 mouth, was absorbingly pouring a shining stream 
 of the amber fluid. 
 
 To see the slow curving of that delicately molded 
 wrist, the challenging flash of the saucy eyes of blue., 
 by Jove, it made me just forget all about what she- 
 was doing till the fluid ran over the brim. And* 
 then, before I could intercept her, she had lightly 
 gestured her glass to mine, and in a flash the stuff 
 was gone. 
 
 Gone ! A full whisky glass ; and I recalled with a. 
 shiver of horror that it was very high proof liquor 
 something I seldom touched myself, but kept on 
 hand for certain of my friends. 
 
 "I say, you know!" I gasped in consternation.
 
 ARCADIAN SIMPLICITY 53 
 
 "I m awfully afraid that will er will I gulped 
 wordlessly. 
 
 The coral lips curved scornfully. 
 
 "Get me jingled?" She looked as she might have 
 if I had insulted her. "Maybe so in those girlie- 
 girlie days you were trying to josh me about, but not 
 since these two years I ve been at college." She 
 shook her lovely, bright head, and following a long 
 enjoyable pull at the cigar, projected five perfect 
 rings at a frescoed cherub in the ceiling. The ex 
 quisite eyes softened dreamily as under the spell of 
 some pleasing thought some tender reminiscence. 
 
 "Why, do you know," she said, looking at me 
 earnestly, "when I was home for the holidays 
 Then she paused. "Don t tell Brother Jack I told 
 you this will you, Mr. Lightnut ? He s so sensitive 
 about it." 
 
 "Certainly not," I said feelingly. 
 
 I thought the wistful face brightened. 
 
 "Well, when I was home, then, I put Brother 
 Jack under the table two nights running; and you 
 know that s going some!" 
 
 And smiling proudly, she poured out another! 
 But not any more, for I put away the decanter. 
 
 My brain was reeling, as they say in books ; dash 
 it, I was almost sick. Poor, poor little girl! And 
 nobody to remonstrate with her. What a shame 
 what a shame! 
 
 By Jove, I wondered if she would listen to me!
 
 54 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 I fixed my glass resolutely as we resumed our seats, 
 and bent toward her earnestly. 
 
 "May I say something very seriously, Miss Bill 
 ings?" I began nervously. "Without offense, you 
 know " 
 
 But she was off in a fit of chuckling. Most girls 
 giggled, I had always heard, but she chuckled. 
 Somehow, I liked it less than anything she did ; it 
 sounded so devilish ghastly, you know. And then 
 it was so awfully embarrassing oh, awfully. If 
 you ve never tried to remonstrate with a girl about 
 her vicious habits and had her chuckle, you just 
 can t imagine! I felt my cheeks flushing jolly red 
 and looked down, and then I had to look somewhere 
 else quickly, for I seemed to be staring rudely at 
 the ends of the pajamas, where her feet, as the poet 
 chap says, "like little mice, stole in and out " only, 
 in this case, they were thrust into bedroom slippers, 
 that looked oddly like a pair of my own but miles 
 and miles smaller. 
 
 "Say, do you know," she was chortling, "the way 
 you do get off that Willie boy sort of talk oh!" 
 And she placed her hand to her side as she laughed. 
 "I can see how Jack thinks you re the greatest ever, 
 Mr. Lightnut." 
 
 She leaned forward eagerly. 
 
 "Look here, I do wi-sh you would let me call you 
 Dicky. " 
 
 "Oh, I say will you?" exnloded from my mouth.
 
 ARCADIAN SIMPLICITY 55 
 
 "Will I?" Her look made my blood leap. "You 
 just watch me Dicky! Oh, say, this is great; 
 maybe it won t take a fall out of old Jack always 
 bragging that you allow only two or three to call 
 you that." 
 
 "I hope you will always call me Dicky," I said 
 and said it very softly. By Jove, I could hardly 
 keep from taking her hand ! 
 
 "You bet I think it s awfully good of you, Light- 
 nut I mean, Dicky." Then her face grew pensive. 
 "Say, do you know, I need a friend like you just 
 now, I mean oh, worst kind." 
 
 "Do you?" I said eagerly, and hitched nearer. 
 She proceeded: 
 
 "Haven t you had things sometimes you wanted 
 to talk about to somebody well, things you couldn t 
 just tell to your brother or sisters oh, nor even your 
 room-mate? You understand." 
 
 I wasn t sure that I did, for she was blushing 
 furiously, and in her eyes was an appeal. 
 
 By Jove, some jolly love affair, I guessed sud 
 denly. My heart just sank like a lump of what s-its- 
 name, but my whole soul went out in sympathy for^ 
 her. I made up my mind, then and there, to put my 
 self aside. 
 
 "Devilish glad I mean delighted to have you 
 tell me anything," I murmured rather weakly; "tut 
 er I should think your mother 
 
 "The mater tell her!" Her hand lifted. "She d
 
 56 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 guy the life out of me! Besides, she s in Europe." 
 She paced to the window and back. 
 
 I protested indignantly : "I don t see how any 
 mother " 
 
 "Aw, forget it!" she broke in, and I winced again 
 at slang from those sweet lips. "No, sir; I m going 
 to unload the whole thing on you, or nobody." 
 
 And, by Jove, the next thing I knew she had 
 perched on the broad arm of the Morris chair in 
 which I sat, her arm resting lightly above my shoul 
 ders. 
 
 "Here s what I want to know about," I heard her 
 sigh. "When you re engaged to one person and meet 
 another you like better, how are you going to 
 well, chuck it with the first, you know and still do 
 the square thing? There, that s what s hit me, 
 Dicky; and I m up against it for fair!" Her hand 
 gently patted my shoulder. "I m telling you, old 
 chap, because I know you ll understand because I 
 like you better than any man I ever saw that s 
 right!" 
 
 I was just afraid to move! Afraid she d stop; 
 afraid she d go on. And all the while I was feeling 
 happier than I ever had in all my life happier than 
 I ever knew people could be, you know. I never 
 thought her bold dash it, no knew it was just 
 her adorable, delicious, Arcadian simplicity, by 
 Jove ! That explained it, just as it explained to me 
 all her other unconventionality.
 
 ARCADIAN SIMPLICITY 57 
 
 "So now it s up to you," she said, "and I want to 
 know what s the answer." 
 
 The answer! 
 
 And how could I give her any answer? No, by 
 Jove, I knew jolly well I couldn t take advantage of 
 such circumstances of her artless confession; knew 
 devilish well it wouldn t do, you know. Might re 
 proach me in years to come; and then and then, 
 there was Billings ! 
 
 So I just contented myself with looking up smil 
 ingly, but it was hard awfully, awfully hard, dash 
 it and I just felt like a jolly cad or fool. Couldn t 
 tell which.
 
 CHAPTER VII 
 
 CONFIDENCES 
 
 THIS beautiful creature had proposed to me! 
 By Jove, that s what it amounted to practi 
 cally; and now, as she said, it was up to me. Yet I 
 couldn t say a word ! 
 
 "Well, what must I do about the other one?" she 
 insisted. 
 
 The question reminded me of the entanglement 
 to which her frank simplicity had confessed. And 
 she expected me, of all others, to tell her what to do ! 
 I looked up into the radiant, crimsoned face as she 
 bent forward slightly, her lips parted, her eyes eager 
 expectant. She was hanging upon my reply. 
 
 I coughed slightly. "That question is hardly fair, 
 you know," I said meaningly. "You see, it hits me 
 rather personally." 
 
 "Oh!" she said. 
 
 I nodded and tried to find her hand as I looked 
 down. 
 
 "So that s where the shoe pinches!" And she 
 whistled thoughtfully. 
 
 And just then my upward reaching hand found 
 hers. And yet no, it couldn t be her hand, either ; it 
 
 58
 
 CONFIDENCES 59 
 
 felt like the crash cover of the cushion rough and 
 fibrous. And yet, by Jove, it zuas a hand, for it gave 
 mine a grip that almost broke my fingers and then 
 dropped them. By the time I looked up, I saw only 
 her little palm resting upward on her knee. 
 
 It was funny; but I had other things to think 
 about than puzzles. 
 
 She sighed. "Well, I m the one that can feel for 
 you, Dicky." Here the sigh lifted and her laugh 
 pealed like a chime of silver bells. "I guess Brother 
 Jack doesn t know as much about your affairs as he 
 thinks, does he eh? Why, he told me you were 
 more afraid of a girl than of a mad dog." 
 
 And a slapping grip fell on my shoulder that made 
 me tingle from head to toe. And yet I wished she 
 wouldn t do that; if she did it again, I should just 
 lose my head I knew I should. 
 
 But here she rose, stretched her arms, and dropped 
 into the wicker arm-chair. She hitched it nearer 
 to me. 
 
 "You see, it s like this," she began, assuming a 
 confidential air. "You know my sister s up at school 
 at Cambridge, too." 
 
 "At Radcliffe College yes." I nodded. 
 
 "Why, yes. Well, it s her room-mate !" 
 
 "Eh ? I don t believe I I paused perplexedly. 
 
 "That s right her room-mate, I tell you ! And in 
 a day or two she s coming home with Sis for a visit. 
 I want you to come up for a week end won t you 
 and look her over I mean, see her and tell me what
 
 6o THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 you think of her. You ll go crazy about her oh, I 
 know you will !" 
 
 I entered a protest. "Oh, I say now, you know, 
 there s only one girl I ever saw I would care to look 
 at twice." 
 
 She smiled adorably. "Oh, don t I know all about 
 how you feel ? But I just want you to see this girl 
 she s the prettiest and swellest that s been around 
 Boston for many a day; and on Sunday morning 
 she could give the flag to all the Avenue. Why, 
 Dicky, she s from China!" 
 
 "China!" I must have looked the scorn I felt. 
 "Oh, come now, you don t think a Chinese girl is 
 
 "Not Chinese, Dicky." In her eagerness, she 
 moved so near, the silk of her pajamas brushed my 
 hand. "She s English. Her dad s the British Gov 
 ernor General of Hong Kong Colonel Francis 
 Kirkland, you know beefy-looking old chap with 
 white mutton chops I saw his picture." 
 
 Hong Kong! I wondered if she knew Master- 
 mann, the chap who had sent me the red pajamas. 
 Why, dash it, of course she would ; for this fellow 
 Mastermann was out there on government business, 
 and he and the Governor must be thrown together a 
 good deal. 
 
 Her musical laugh broke in on my speculations. 
 "But the funniest thing is, Dicky, her name s the 
 same as mine." 
 
 Her name! By Jove, and until this moment, I 
 had not thought
 
 CONFIDENCES 61 
 
 "Oh, I say," I exclaimed eagerly, "what is your 
 name, anyway?" 
 
 The lustrous eyes opened wide. "Why, you mean 
 to say you don t know? Thought you knew I was 
 named after the governor. And she s named after 
 hers Frances, from Francis, you know just the 
 difference in a letter. See?" 
 
 "Frances!" I murmured lingeringly. "So your 
 name s Frances?" 
 
 "Yes, and hers is Frances odd, isn t it ?" 
 
 I assented, but I wished she would drop the other 
 girl I wasn t interested there, except just because 
 she was. 
 
 Her bosom lifted with a sigh. "Don t you think 
 Frances is a peach of a name ?" 
 
 "It s heavenly!" I whispered. "And I m glad to 
 hear about your friend, too." 
 
 Her sweet face clouded. "Not much of a friend; 
 she aon t lose any sleep over me," she commented 
 gloomily. "Then there s Sis double-crossing me with 
 her influence ever since I got hauled up before 
 Prexy at Easter. Sis is awfully prissy." 
 
 Her tone was almost savage. I strained incredu 
 lously after her meaning. 
 
 "Did I understand you to say you were brought 
 up before the president there at Radcliffe?" 
 
 "Radcliffe?" Her head shook. "No Harvard." 
 And I nodded, recalling the affiliation between the 
 two institutions at Cambridge. 
 
 I wondered what silly, tyrannical straining of red
 
 62 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 tape discipline on some one s part had subjected this 
 sensitive, refined girl to the humiliating ordeal of 
 having to appear before the president of the college. 
 Probably for plucking some trashy flower, or, at the 
 worst, looking twice at some sappy freshman ac 
 quaintance waving his hand from a frat house. 
 
 "By Jove, a devilish shame !" I ejaculated. 
 
 "I should say!" Her voice was aggrieved. "All 
 for a measly prize fight." 
 
 "Prize fight !" I gasped. 
 
 She nodded brightly. "Oh, a modest one, you 
 know not, of course, a Jeffries-Johnson affair, but 
 I tell you we had them going some for a round and 
 a half. Athletics is my long suit just you feel those 
 biceps." And with sudden movement she swept up 
 ward the wide, silken sleeve, showing a limb like 
 the lost arm of the Venus de what s-its-name. 
 
 "Go on just feel it," she commanded, flexing the 
 arm. 
 
 "I I" And I gulped and balked. 
 
 "Feel it, I tell you!" And I did. 
 
 And then I almost fell over, I received such a 
 shock. For my fingers seemed to be clasping, not 
 the soft, rounded contour I beheld, but a great 
 massed protuberance, hard and unyielding as a 
 bunch of dried putty. My fingers could not half 
 span it. 
 
 I jerked them away, bewildered. 
 
 "Wonderful," I said faintly, and I batted perplex 
 edly at the exquisite, symmetrical arm.
 
 CONFIDENCES 63 
 
 "Oh, that s nothing," she said indifferently, jerk 
 ing down her sleeve. "I m a little undertrained now ; 
 been putting in all my time on leg work. That s 
 what counts in foot-ball. 
 
 "Foot-ball!" I questioned, astonished. "Why, I 
 didn t know " 
 
 "That I was on the team? Surest thing you know ; 
 that s why I ve got all this mop of hair comes be 
 low my collar see ?" 
 
 Her collar, indeed ! It was easy to see that, if un 
 bound, it would reach considerably below her waist. 
 But foot-ball! Why, she must mean basket-ball, of 
 course. I opened my mouth to remind her, when she 
 proceeded : 
 
 "But I was going to tell you about this prize fight. 
 Well, this fight was just a little one, you know. 
 Purse of eighteen dollars; and we had to chip in 
 afterward with an extra three to get Mug Kelly 
 that s the Charlestown Pet, you know to stand the 
 gaff for a second round. Why, he was all in on the 
 count at the end of the first round what do you 
 think of that?" 
 
 "But I say, you know I began, but she lifted 
 her hand. 
 
 "I know I know what you re going to say, 
 Dicky; you think we were a bunch of easy marks, 
 that s what you think. But how could we tell what 
 my room-mate was going to do to the Pet we 
 couldn t, you know." 
 
 "Your room-mate !" I exclaimed aghast. "A an
 
 64 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 other young lady in a pugilistic encounter? Oh, 
 I say!" 
 
 She chuckled. "G long; stop your kidding!" And 
 she kicked playfully at me. Then she assumed a 
 mincing air finger on chin, lips pursed, and eyes 
 rolling upward, you know. 
 
 "Yes, another sweet young peacherino Miss Bil 
 lings little room-mate a beef that hits the beam 
 at about two-sixty Little Lizzie, you know." 
 
 "Lizzie!" I repeated vaguely. 
 
 "Oh, say, Dicky, cut it out; let me finish. Well, 
 another minute, and the Pet would have been put 
 to sleep, but just then the coppers nailed us." She, 
 added gloomily : "And that s what queered me with 
 Sis. Fierce, ain t it?" 
 
 She sighed and her beautiful lashes drooped 
 sadly. By Jove, I was so jolly floored I couldn t 
 manage a word. I knew, of course, that my heart 
 was broken, but it didn t matter. I loved her just the 
 same; I should always love her; and she had tried 
 to let me know she loved me better than any man she 
 had ever met. What the deuce did anything else mat 
 ter, anyhow? We would marry and go out on a 
 ranch or something of that sort, where the false, 
 polished what-you-call-it of civilization didn t count, 
 and no rude rebuff or sneer of society would ever 
 chill her warm impulsiveness. 
 
 She smiled archly. "See here, Dicky, I thought 
 we were going to tell each other the story of our 
 lives. Your turn now ; tell me how she looks to you,!
 
 CONFIDENCES 65 
 
 this girl that came at last there s always the one 
 girl comes at last, they say, if you wait long enough. 
 Go on tell me what s she like?" 
 
 "Of course, you don t know!" I said significantly. 
 
 "Me? Of course I wouldn t know I want you 
 to tell me. Say, is she really so pretty?" 
 
 "Pretty," indeed ! It was like this adorable child 
 of nature not to understand that she was the most 
 perfect and faultless creation on earth! 
 
 I leaned toward her. "Is she pretty?" I repeated 
 reproachfully. 
 
 She eyed me slyly. 
 
 "Oh, of course I know how you feel," she said, 
 "but draw me a picture of her." 
 
 "A picture!" I laughed. "All right, here goes: 
 Eighteen, a daughter of the gods, divinely tall and 
 most divinely fair that sort of thing. Features 
 -classic perfect oval, you know, and profile to set 
 an artist mad with joy. Eyes? Blue as Hebe s, but 
 big and true and tender; hair, a great, shining nug 
 get of virgin gold. Form divine the ideal of a 
 poet s dream the alluring, the elusive, the unattain 
 able, the despair of the sculptor s chisel." 
 
 "My!" said Miss Billings, staring. 
 
 But I was not through. "Complexion ? Her skin 
 as smooth as the heart of a seashell and as delicately 
 warm as its rosy blush when kissed by the amorous 
 tide." 
 
 "Gee !" ejaculated my darling. 
 
 I looked at her closely. "And in one matchless
 
 66 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 cheek a dimple divine such as might have been left 
 by the barbed arrow of Cupid when it awoke Psyche 
 from her swoon of death. In short, she might be 
 the dainty fairy princess of our childhood fantasies, 
 were she less superb in figure. On the other hand, 
 she might be the sunny-haired daughter of a Viking 
 king, were she not too delicately featured and 
 molded." 
 
 That was all I could remember from the descrip 
 tion as I had read it in a novel, but I was glad I had 
 stored it up, by Jove, for it suited her to a dot. She 
 didn t say a word for a moment, but just sat there 
 eying me kind of sidewise, her little upper lip lifted 
 in an odd way. Then of a sudden she shook her head 
 and swung her knees up over the arm of her chair. 
 
 "Well, Dicky, as a describer you sure are the 
 slushy spreader. Say, you ve got Eleanor Glyn 
 backed off the boards." 
 
 She went on eagerly: "I don t care, though; 
 slushy or not, your picture s just perfect for her. 
 Why, your girl must be a ringer for the girl at Rad- 
 cliffe. Only thing you left out was the freckle on the 
 chin." 
 
 Freckle on the chin ! By Jove, I left it out on pur 
 pose, for I thought she might not like it. I won 
 dered if all girls at Radcliffe had freckles on the 
 chin. 
 
 She lay back, regarding me inscrutably. "If she 
 looks like that," she sighed, "you ought to love her 
 very much, Dicky."
 
 CONFIDENCES 67 
 
 I couldn t say anything, for words are so deuced 
 inadequate, you know. But I just made an effort to 
 look it all. 
 
 "Of course," sighing, "you ought to feel that 
 way ; and, another thing, Dicky : you ll never forget 
 where you first saw her, will you? One of the things 
 one never forgets." 
 
 "Right in this room," I murmured; "and in that 
 wicker chair." 
 
 "Really?" Her surprised ejaculation was deli 
 cious. By Jove, how entrancingly coquettish of her! 
 How jolly clever ! 
 
 "Go on ; tell me how she was dressed never mind 
 any more picture business; just tell me in four or 
 five words. Bet you can t do it!" She slipped over 
 again to the arm of my chair. 
 
 In her eyes was a challenge and I took it up. 
 
 "In black silk pajamas," I said daringly. 
 
 Her blue eyes opened wide. For a moment I 
 feared she would be offended at my audacity, but 
 her birdlike carol of laughter reassured me. 
 
 "Say, you re not so slow, are you?" 
 
 And her hand came down on my back with a force 
 that made me jump. 
 
 "Only shows," she gurgled merrily, "how little 
 Jack knows about you. Say, you d better never tell 
 him about those black pajamas!" 
 
 She spoke chokingly through a storm of laughter 
 as she rocked there against my shoulder. 
 
 "And say the joke of it !" She banged me on the
 
 68 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 back with a clublike blow, incredible from that little 
 hand. "The joke of it is, he thought I d be so safe 
 with you ! Oh, mamma !" 
 
 And off she went again. 
 
 I shifted uneasily. I did not like it her merri 
 ment over what was perfectly obvious and rational. 
 Of course, Billings knew she would be safe. Why 
 the deuce shouldn t he ? 
 
 But the matter of the pajamas was another thing. 
 Her receiving me in them was a contingency I could 
 not possibly have anticipated and avoided, and yet a 
 withdrawal because of them or even because of her 
 presence here had been shown to be a course inex 
 plicable to her. She was too innocent, too ingenuous, 
 too ingenue to understand that I was invading the 
 sanctuary of her privacy. Yet to have taken any 
 course that would have appeared to make correction 
 of her error come from me would have been ap 
 pallingly caddish and cruel. No, the best course had 
 seemed to be to go right on take no notice and 
 then, as soon as she retired, slip away to the club. 
 That seemed the gentlemanly thing. 
 
 Yet now her words implied a certain conscious 
 ness that her brother might frown upon her attire, 
 might even visit me with reproach. I was troubled, 
 and her next speech was not calculated to reassure 
 me. 
 
 "But I ll I ll never say a word, Dicky," she said, 
 coming out of her laughter and panting breathlessly.
 
 CONFIDENCES 69 
 
 "Never! And don t you, Dicky don t you ever! 
 Understand? Mum s the word!" 
 
 I looked up distressfully to protest, but her little 
 head was shaking earnestly, the long, delicate hair 
 wisps about her forehead wavering like tiny, curling 
 wreaths of golden smoke. 
 
 "No, sir," she emphasized soberly; "if you ever 
 let that cat out of the bag, it ll be all up with me I 
 mean Jack will never let me come again. You must 
 promise me." 
 
 "But" 
 
 "Oh, but me no buts promise!" 
 
 "Why, then er of course, if you wish it." 
 
 "That s right, because I want to come again 
 that is, if you want me. But if Brother Jack was on 
 to you, Dicky, as I am, he would sooner have me at 
 a hotel, that s all." 
 
 "But my dear Frances 
 
 "I tell you I know, Dicky; he doesn t approve of 
 young ladies in pajamas." She chuckled. "Not even 
 black ones." 
 
 She stood up, looking at herself and performing a 
 graceful pirouette before the long pier glass. 
 
 "Now, if they had been crimson," she proceeded, 
 "he might have felt different. Old Jack s great on 
 Harvard, and so am I." 
 
 Of course. All Radcliffe girls were, I knew. 
 
 By Jove, how I wished I could show her the 
 lovely crimson pajamas Mastermann had sent me
 
 70 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 from China ! But I would have to summon Jenkins 
 to find them, and besides, it would be of question 
 able taste to present them to her attention. 
 
 "Great idea, this, having pajamas in your college 
 colors," she said. I thought so, too, as I noted ad 
 miringly the rich effect of her golden head above 
 the black silk. But I thought the color a devilish 
 odd one somber, you know for colors of a young 
 girl s school. 
 
 "My! my!" she murmured, "wouldn t I just love 
 to live in pajamas just go about in em all the time, 
 you know! Why can t we, I wonder?" Her face 
 flashed me a ravishing smile ; and while I was blink 
 ing over her question, she went on: "Funny how 
 the girls even are taking to em even Sis wears 
 em!" She chuckled: "Hers are gray flanneilette. 
 But the girl I m telling you about she don t; Sis 
 told the mater about it. It seems that before she 
 left China, some high muck-a-muck gave her gov 
 ernor a swell pair of silk ones something like these, 
 I guess, but I don t know of what color. But, any 
 how, they were too delicate and fine to be wasted on 
 an old stiff like that, and he had sense enough to 
 know it. So he passed em down the line to her 
 Frances, you know. Well, sir Here she sidled 
 to the table and half leaned, half perched, upon its 
 edge; and I was so distracted watching her grace 
 ful poise and gestures, that I lost what she was 
 saying, by Jove. 
 
 It was her trill of laughter at something she had
 
 CONFIDENCES 71 
 
 said, and the question: "Wasn t that funny?" that 
 brought me back to what she was telling me. 
 
 "Yes, sir said she just scared her maid oh, 
 batty! Because she looked so ugly in em that s 
 what she thinks, but of course shucks! Anyhow, 
 she never wore em any more, and a day or two later 
 some coolie stole them sold em probably." 
 
 Suddenly she yawned, stretched her arms above 
 her head, and flashed me a dazzling smile. By Jove, 
 in the loose-fitting garments she looked for all the 
 world like an Oriental houri, or some jolly lovely 
 thing like that. 
 
 "Gee, but I m sleepy!" she said behind her little 
 hand. "If you ll excuse me, Dicky, I believe it will 
 be off to the springs the bed springs, for little 
 Frankie. Good night, then. See you in the morn- 
 ing." 
 
 And with another radiant smile, she moved toward 
 her room. 
 
 "Good night," I said wistfully. 
 
 By Jove, somehow I had hoped she would offer to 
 kiss me, now that we were engaged in a way. But 
 then, of course, it wouldn t do she knew that. So 
 ought I. Perhaps in the morning at the boat ! 
 
 And the door closed behind her. I stood blinking 
 after her a moment; then I fixed my attention 
 gloomily upon the cellarette. Poor little girl and her 
 foolish but adorably foolish college bravado! 
 Sorrowfully I locked the cellarette and dropped the 
 key in my pocket.
 
 72 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 Then I locked the outer doors of the hall and 
 apartment, leaving the keys unmolested on the in 
 side. On the whole I decided I would not have up 
 the janitor s gossipy wife. 
 
 Next I sought Jenkins at the back. 
 
 "We will lock up back here, Jenkins, and go over 
 to my rooms at the club for the night." 
 
 Jenkins stared fixedly over my head. "Certainly, 
 sir." 
 
 "And Jenkins h m!" I crumpled a bill into his 
 mechanical palm. "You will never allude to having 
 seen that sweet urn you understand, Jenkins? 
 Never seem to remember, even to me, that you ever 
 saw any one up here to-night." 
 
 "Certainly not, sir," indignantly. "I wouldn t, 
 anyhow." 
 
 Yet his eyes, rolling back from the ceiling, seemed 
 to hold me oddly for an instant. In them was a 
 touch of sadness. 
 
 "But may I speak of that Mr. Billings, sir? You 
 know, if he comes 
 
 "Jenkins!" sharply. 
 
 "Certainly, sir!" Jenkins mouth closed, traplike. 
 
 But all in vain my early rise the next morning, 
 my careful toilet and my dash in a taxi to a florist 
 and then to Tiffany s for a ring. At the pier I 
 dodged about in the crowd, the boy trailing behind 
 me with the big purple box, but not a devilish thing 
 could I see of Frances. By Jove, I almost broke my 
 monocle straining! At last I was sure she must be
 
 CONFIDENCES 73 
 
 left, for the last passengers were passing over the 
 gang-plank. 
 
 "Hello, Dicky!" 
 
 The voice, coarse and hearty, came from an 
 athletic young man in a hurrah suit. On his head, 
 perched jauntily above a mass of yellow hair, was a 
 straw hat with a crimson band. 
 
 I stared at him through my glass, but it was not 
 any one I knew at all. I looked at him coldly, for 
 there s nothing so devilish annoying as familiarities 
 from strangers. I thought I could freeze him off. 
 
 But he only grinned. "Looking for Miss Bill 
 ings?" 
 
 "I I haven t seen her," I answered stiffly. But 
 his question alarmed me. 
 
 He chuckled in my face. "Guess you don t know 
 her in her clothes, eh, Dicky?" And I did not need 
 the punch he gave me in the side to make me stag 
 ger backward. "A thousand thanks, and good-by, 
 old chap. I see they re hauling in the plank." 
 
 He lingered for one bearlike grab at my hand. 
 
 "And say, don t forget for I know Jack Billings 
 better than you do don t ever let him know about 
 all that Scotch last night." 
 
 He called over his shoulder with a grin : "Keep 
 it dark as dark as those black pajamas, Dicky!" 
 
 And as long as I could see, he stood on the deck, 
 waving his hat at me as I stood there with my 
 mouth open, my eyes following him with horror. 
 
 By Jove, who was he, and what did he know ?
 
 CHAPTER VIII 
 
 HER BROTHER JACK 
 
 OOD night, Dicky!" came up the elevator 
 shaft. And then more "good nights," grow 
 ing fainter with their laughter as the car shot down. 
 
 "Good night," I called after them. "Devilish 
 sorry you fellows won t stay longer!" 
 
 "Jolly good lie, Jenkins," I said, yawning sleepily, 
 as I dropped back into my own apartment. 
 
 "Yes, sir," assented Jenkins demurely. "It s sleep 
 ing on the divan the other night, sir. Eight hours 
 there ain t nothing like eight hours in bed and in 
 your pajamas." 
 
 "Pajamas !" I ejaculated, startled. 
 
 For all day I had been thinking of her. I won 
 dered if Billings would happen to think to invite me 
 up for the week end. But he had so many times, and 
 I had never gone. 
 
 "By Jove, that reminds me," I said. "Those red 
 silk pajamas!" 
 
 "Yes, sir." Jenkins face hardened in an odd, 
 wooden way. 
 
 "I was wondering, Jenkins, if those pajamas were 
 torn any in our little row the other night." 
 
 74
 
 HER BROTHER JACK 75 
 
 Poor Jenkins winced a little. "I think not, sir," 
 he muttered humbly "leastwise, they were all right 
 last night when Mr. " He seemed to catch him 
 self abruptly. "I mean when I found them this 
 morning, sir." 
 
 He returned with the garments I had received 
 from Mastermann, and again we spread them under 
 the lamp on the table. They looked singularly 
 smooth and unwrinkled. There was not a single tear 
 or break, not even with the delicate cords that 
 twisted to form the frogs of the coat. 
 
 "My, sir! But ain t they red!" breathed Jenkins. 
 "Them cords look like little red snakes." 
 
 I cut an anxious glance at Jenkins, for I did not 
 like his reference to snakes. Seemed ominous, some 
 how. But his appearance was composed and reas 
 suring. And, by Jove, come to look, the cords did 
 look just like tiny, coiled serpents of glowing fire. 
 Why, they were so jolly red they hurt your eyes. 
 Fact! And thin as the beautiful stuff was, this 
 brighter red ran all over the other, covering every 
 inch of it and forming the closest, finest what-you- 
 call-it embroidery. It was as faint and dainty a 
 pattern as that on a soap bubble! Fact is, I could 
 not trace it, even with my glass. 
 
 The only part that wasn t covered with this em 
 broidery business was the stuff used to cover the 
 knots, or little balls, over which the cords were 
 meant to hook. In working with some of these 
 cords, idly fastening and unfastening them, I got a
 
 76 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 little impatient with one that seemed tight, you 
 know, and I used my manicure knife to pull the 
 knot through. 
 
 "Careful, sir," warned Jenkins. "Likely to cut 
 something." 
 
 By Jove ! No sooner said, than I did it ! 
 
 The dashed blade slipped somehow and cut into 
 the threads that tied the covers or caps or whatever- 
 you-call- ems, over the knots. And when I pulled, 
 the beastly piece of silk came off in my fingers. 
 
 And then oh, but I say! I just gave a sort of 
 yell and dropped the whole thing! 
 
 Ever have some silly ass try to scare you by pok 
 ing a red hot cigar at you in the dark? Know how 
 you jerk back? Well, there you are! For, give you 
 my word, when I peeled off the little cloth cap, regu 
 lar blazes of crimson fire seemed to shoot from the 
 end of the knot. 
 
 Fact is, it wasn t a knot at all, but a button a 
 devilish glassy button, something bigger than a 
 dime, perhaps, and thick as the end of your little; 
 ringer. And there it lay against the silk, burning 
 its way through it like a red coal of fire. 
 
 Dashed if it didn t look that way, anyhow. I just 
 sat there blinking like a jolly owl, waiting to see the 
 stuff begin to smoke, before I had presence of mind 
 to tell Jenkins to touch it to see if it would burn. 
 
 But Jenkins wouldn t. He just stood there with 
 his jaw hanging and his eyes bulging like champagne 
 corks !
 
 HER BROTHER JACK 77 
 
 And it was just then that Billings rolled in. 
 
 I say "rolled in/ because it always looks that 
 way. That s the way Billings is built, you know. 
 
 "I say, Dicky," he panted, "just missed another 
 infernal express! Plenty more trains, but I had a 
 great inspiration strike me that I d let you put me up 
 for the night. Hat, Jenkins ! Now, don t say a word, 
 Dicky, old chap. Cane, Jenkins! Great pleasure, 
 assure you won t inconvenience me at all. Gloves, 
 Jenkins! Just give me something to sleep in, and 
 I ll be as comfortable here as I would be at the club 
 so don t worry any about me, old chap. By the 
 way, want to thank you for taking care of the kid. 
 Got home all right, I understand." 
 
 He plunked like a jolly elephant into the largest 
 and most comfortable chair in the room and 
 wheezed for breath. 
 
 "And, Jenkins!" He raised one fat ringer while 
 he took a gasp. "Don t mind if I do have a package 
 of Dicky s Koroskos and a sloe fizz not too sweet, 
 you know ; and you may 
 
 He halted, his eyes suddenly riveted to the table, 
 and straightened inquiringly, his big hands poised 
 upon the padded arms of the chair. 
 
 "Suffering Thomas cats! What s that?" he ex 
 claimed. "The scream there flag of Morocco?" 
 
 And then, without pausing for reply, he dashed 
 on: 
 
 "I say, old chap, if you re picking up those, I can 
 get you a few for nothing. You know Higgins,
 
 78 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 cashier-that-was of the Widows National, eh? 
 Well, Higgins sent the governor a Morocco flag the 
 other clay from Tangier. Fact is, he sent one to 
 every director of the bank and an extra large one 
 to that bank examiner!" 
 
 He chuckled wabblingly, like a jolly jellyfish. 
 
 "Talk about a red flag to a bull," he exploded, 
 "why, they" 
 
 Billings broke off suddenly. Then he climbed 
 heavily to his feet, and without warning, heaved 
 himself across the room and seized the button I had 
 just uncovered. Dashed if he didn t almost upset 
 me. 
 
 "Here, I say!" I protested. "Don t lose that cap." 
 I picked it up from where he had jerked it to the 
 floor. "It s the cover to hide that glass, you know." 
 
 "Wh-a-a-t!" 
 
 Billings swung round, staring at me with the 
 most curious expression. 
 
 "See here, Dicky," he exclaimed rather excitedly, 
 but in a low tone, as he cut a side glance at Jenkins 
 siphoning the fizz over at the cellarette. "What in 
 thunder have you been doing now ?" 
 
 By Jove, I turned cold for a minute, I was that 
 startled. I thought he was going to use the pajamas 
 as an introduction for reference to last night. But 
 in a minute I saw that he did not mean that. 
 
 "Where on earth did you get anything like this?" 
 And he held up the button and the garment. 
 
 "Oh, I say now!" I remonstrated, alarm changing
 
 HER BROTHER JACK 79 
 
 to a mild dudgeon. Billings devilish rude manners 
 are so offensive at times. "What do you mean ? It s 
 a present from a friend in China." 
 
 "Present!" Billings eyes bulged queerly. He 
 stooped toward me, whispering: "Did he know 
 what this button was?" 
 
 "Why, of course he didn t," I answered indig 
 nantly. "Never dreamed of it, of course. I tell 
 you, it was all nicely covered, was what-you-call-it 
 upholstered, you know with devilish nice silk. 
 I cut it off accidentally, trying to force the thing 
 through that loop. That left the marble exposed." 
 
 Billings took the glass mechanically from the tray 
 tendered by Jenkins and sipped it slowly, eying me 
 curiously over the top. Then he set it back, very 
 deliberately, wiped his mouth with the bit of napery, 
 and without taking his glance from me, waited until 
 Jenkins had left the room. Whereupon, after an 
 other searching look at the button, he dropped it 
 with the garment upon the table, and with hands 
 jammed deep in his pockets, faced me with a long- 
 drawn whistle. 
 
 "Well, I ll be hanged!" he exclaimed. Just a 
 coarse, vulgar outburst, you know no sense to it; 
 no point at all, you know that s Billings. 
 
 He caught up the coat again. "And these others 
 four of them are they just the same?" he de 
 manded sharply. 
 
 "Dash it, how should I know? I suppose so," I 
 answered indifferently. And I closed my eyes and
 
 8o THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 leaned back, feeling a bit just a bit weary. Some 
 how, Billings is always so exhausting when he gets 
 started on something. 
 
 "Oh, cut it out, old chap," I protested, drowsy- 
 like. 
 
 "I will," I heard him say. Then I guess I must 
 have dropped off a bit, for the next thing I knew 
 he was shaking me. 
 
 "Dicky! Dicky! Say, look here! Look, I tell 
 you!" 
 
 I did look, and well, I was jolly vexed, that s 
 all. 
 
 "Oh, I say now!" I spoke severely just that 
 way, you know. I went on, remonstrating : "Devil 
 ish silly joke, if you ask me. You ve gone and ruined 
 the thing, Billings! Flashy buttons like that, you 
 know too tawdry, too cheap." 
 
 "Cheap!" He almost shouted it. Then he leaned 
 over the back of the leather chair and pounded his 
 fat head against the cushions, writhing his big bulk 
 from side to side. 
 
 "Quite impossible," I said firmly. "Not en regie 
 at all, you know!" And I fixed my glass and stared 
 gloomily at the things. The five shiny buttons just 
 lay there against the delicate silk like so many fiery 
 crimson cherries. And they reminded me of some 
 thing something what the deuce was it? Some 
 thing devilish familiar, whatever it was. And then 
 of a sudden I had it! 
 
 "By Jove, you know!" And I just fell back ir>
 
 HER BROTHER JACK 8r 
 
 consternation. "This is awful! I d look like a er 
 dashed human cocktail. Oh, I say!" 
 
 Then Billings, who was already gasping like a 
 jolly what s-its-name, dropped upon the arm of the 
 chair and held his side. 
 
 "Dicky, you you ll be the death of me yet," he 
 panted. 
 
 I never try to follow Billings. Nobody ever does. 
 So I paid no attention to him. Shaking his head, he 
 lifted the garment again and held it out of the direct 
 rays of the shaded lamp. The five buttons leaped 
 out of the shadow like port lights down the bay on 
 a moonless night. 
 
 He leered at me, chuckling. "Look cheap to you, 
 eh? What you might call outre, so to speak?" 
 
 "By Jove, of course," I answered ruefully. "I 
 can t sleep in the things now, you know. What 
 would people say?" 
 
 Billings stared at me disagreeably a moment and 
 said something under his breath. Then he caught 
 up the buttons and the silk, and crushing them in his 
 hands, buried his face in the mass. 
 
 "Oh you beauties, you darlings!" I heard him 
 murmur. 
 
 Then he looked at the buttons again, and dash it, 
 he kissed one. Maudlin jolly maudlin, I say, if 
 you ask me ! 
 
 "I say, Dicky," he said carelessly. "You may not 
 care for them, but I ve taken rather a shine to these 
 buttons. Mind letting me have one, eh?"
 
 82 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 He flashed a quick glance at me and then away. 
 
 "Mind? Why, certainly not; take em all, old 
 chap, and welcome." Yet I responded gloomily 
 enough, scarcely polite, you know. And I felt too 
 jolly prostrated to be curious as to what he could 
 possibly want with the things. Waistcoat buttons, 
 likely Billings was given to loud dress and other 
 bounder stunts. But he just sat there looking down 
 after I spoke, and presently stole a queer glance at 
 me. 
 
 "Dicky," he said, and paused. Then he fished out 
 that perfectly impossible pipe of his and began to 
 pack it, slowly shaking his head. "Dicky, anybody 
 that would take advantage of you would lift a baby s 
 milk gurgler." 
 
 Of course, I saw no more sense in that than you 
 do, you know, but I understood that in his crude, 
 vulgar way he meant some sort of a compliment. 
 
 "Dash it, of course," I said offhand, straighten 
 ing up and recrossing my legs. I always say that 
 and do that way when fellows say stupid things. 
 Such a jolly good way to keep from hurting their 
 feelings, you know, and saves talking and thinking. 
 Got on to it myself. 
 
 Billings eye ranged at me as he lighted his pipe. 
 The smoke seemed to make him cough, and it was 
 this, I suppose, that set him chuckling. 
 
 He suddenly held up the row of red buttons again. 
 
 "Look here, you blessed dodo," he exclaimed 
 brusquely. "Have you really no idea what these are,
 
 HER BROTHER JACK 83 
 
 these glass buttons you are yapping about? Of 
 course you haven t, you jolly chowder head, but I m 
 going to tell you." 
 
 He threw the coat into my lap. 
 
 "They are rubies, old man, that s all," he said 
 quietly. "Oriental rubies, at that flawless and per 
 fect the rarest and most precious things in the 
 world."
 
 CHAPTER IX 
 
 AN AMAZING REVELATION 
 
 I STARED blankly at Billings. "Rubies!" I 
 gasped. 
 
 He nodded. "Genuine pigeon bloods, my son, no 
 less." 
 
 "Oh, come now, Billings," I protested. I felt a 
 little miffed, just a little you know. So jolly raw to 
 try it on that way. 
 
 "By jove, old chap, you must think me a com 
 mon ass," I suggested disgustedly. 
 
 Billings grinned at the very idea. 
 
 "You a common ass, Dicky?" he ejaculated. "No 
 body who knows you would ever think that, old 
 man." 
 
 "But, I say" 
 
 "See here, Dicky boy, I m in dead earnest," he in 
 terrupted eagerly. "Don t you remember my one 
 fad gems? Got enough tied up in them to build 
 two apartment houses as big as this. Best amateur 
 collection in New York, if I do say it. But I haven t 
 anything like one of these rubies, and neither has 
 any one else no one else in this country, anyhow. 
 There s nothing like them in all New York, from 
 Tiffany s down to Maiden Lane, and never has been. 
 
 84
 
 AN AMAZING REVELATION 85 
 
 I never saw anything like near like any of them 
 except the one in the Russian crown of Anna Ivan- 
 ovana. That s bigger, but it hasn t the same fire." 
 
 I just laughed at him. "Why, Billings, these paja 
 mas were sent me by a friend in China, and I assure 
 you" 
 
 "Assure? What can you assure what do you 
 know about it?" said Billings rudely. "What did 
 your friend know, or the one he had these things 
 ^rom or the one before him or the one still be 
 fore that? Pshaw!" And he snapped his fingers. 
 
 With his hand he swept up the little caps and the 
 long, wirelike threads that held them and sniffed 
 the handful curiously. 
 
 "H m! Funky sort of aromatic smell balsam, 
 cedar oil or something like that," he muttered half 
 iloud. "That accounts for the preservation. But 
 still" 
 
 He crossed his legs and puffed thoughtfully. 
 
 "Tell you how I figure this out, Dicky," he said 
 .finally. "These nighties your friend has sent you 
 are awfully rare and old; and for delicate, dainty 
 elegance and that sort of thing they ve got every 
 thing else in the silk way shoved off the clothes-line. 
 But as to these jewels, you can just bet all you ve 
 got that whoever passed them on was not wise to 
 them being under these covers." 
 
 Here he got to looking at one of the buttons and 
 murmuring his admiration regular trance, you 
 know.
 
 86 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 "By Jove !" I remarked, just to stir him up a bit. 
 And he unloaded a great funnel of smoke and con 
 tinued : 
 
 "My theory is that during some danger, some 
 mandarins war, likely, somebody got cold feet about 
 these jewels and roped them in with these bits of 
 silk see how different they are from the rest of 
 the stuff! Then, when the roughhouse came, these 
 pajamas were swept along in the sacking sort of 
 spoils of pillage, you know. It was a clever method 
 of concealment clever because simple a hiding 
 place unlikely to be thought of because right under 
 the eye. You recall Poe s story of The Purloined 
 Letter?" 
 
 I tried to remember. "Can t say I do, dear boy," 
 I had to admit. "Don t seem to place that one. Only 
 one I remember hearing him tell is that one he 
 brought back from Paris. Let me see The Story 
 of the Lonely Lobster, I think he called it." I chor 
 tled delightedly as it came back to me. "By Jove, 
 that was devilish neat ! Don t know when I ve ever 
 heard" 
 
 An offensive remark by Billings interrupted me. 
 
 "Here, Dicky, Dicky, what do you think you re 
 talking about ?" he added rudely. Evidently his mind 
 had wandered from the subject. So I replied with 
 dignity dignity, with just a touch of sarcasm : 
 
 "Pogue Mickey Pogue of our club. Perhaps 
 you don t know Mickey Pogue?" And, by Jove, that 
 fetched him ! He stared at me a moment, and then,
 
 AN AMAZING REVELATION 87 
 
 getting up, he reached over and solemnly shook me 
 by the hand. 
 
 "Dicky," he said, wagging his head, "I apologize. 
 You take the brioche!" And he turned his back a 
 second. 
 
 I asked Billings how much he thought one of the 
 rubies was worth. I had in mind how devilish hun 
 grily he had looked at them. But he sighed, then 
 frowned and answered impatiently: 
 
 "That s it! That s the trouble about all the rare 
 and beautiful things of this life! Always some de 
 basing, prohibitive sordid money value, dammit !" 
 
 He squinted at the stones again and let the weight 
 of one rest upon his finger. He shook his head, 
 sighing. 
 
 "Well, they re over twenty carats each, and there 
 fore, of course, many times the value of first water 
 diamonds. After you get above five carats with 
 real Oriental rubies, diamonds are not in it." 
 
 With an abrupt gesture he pushed the things away 
 and rose. His pipe had gone out, but I noticed that 
 he did not relight it. I held the gems full in the rays 
 of the lamp, and Billings paused, holding a hungry 
 gaze over his shoulder. 
 
 "I say, Billings, how much did you say one was 
 worth?" I asked carelessly. For a moment he did 
 not reply, but muttered to himself. 
 
 "I didn t say," he finally replied, and rather 
 crossly. Then he whirled on me impulsively. "See 
 here, Lightnut," he exclaimed, "if you ll let me have
 
 88 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 one of those for my collection, I ll give you twenty- 
 five thousand for it there !" 
 
 He gulped and continued : 
 
 "I ll have to make some sacrifices, but I don t 
 mind that. I " 
 
 But I shook my head. Really, I could hardly keep 
 from laughing in his face. 
 
 "Sorry ! Can t see it, old chap," I said. "Wouldn t 
 sell one of them at any price." 
 
 Billings gulped again. "I suppose not ; don t blame 
 you. Way you re fixed, you don t have to." He 
 walked slowly to the window and back. "Take my 
 advice, Dicky, and get those fire coals into your safe 
 deposit vault first thing in the morning. Hello, 
 you re cutting them off! That s wise." 
 
 For with the knife he had left on the table I was 
 cutting away the tough threads that held the rubies. 
 I cut off the second and fourth, leaving the first 
 ruby at the collar and the other two alternates. 
 
 "Go on," said Billings, as I laid down the knife. 
 "You ve only removed two." 
 
 "Don t believe I ll cut off any more," I said. 
 "Want you to help me tie up the others just as they 
 were." 
 
 "What !" 
 
 I insisted. And though Billings protested and 
 argued and even called me names, we did as I said. 
 
 For, by Jove, you know it was perfectly clear that 
 if they had been safe so long under the little covers, 
 the jewels couldn t find any better place. Singular
 
 AN AMAZING REVELATION 89 
 
 thing Billings couldn t see it. Besides, the pajamas 
 had to have fastenings, you know. 
 
 I held one of the two rubies under the light, and, 
 by Jove, I almost dropped it did drop my glass. 
 Seeing a red-hot poker-point in your fingers would 
 give you the same turn. 
 
 "Rippers, Billings ! Simply rippers !" I exclaimed. 
 
 I held the other ruby beside its fellow. Then I 
 waited, listening, and I heard Billings hand strike 
 down on the back of a chair. 
 
 "I guess I ll be going, old chap," he said gruffly. 
 "Think I d better, after all." He cleared his throat. 
 "Sure you can t sell me one, Dicky?" Dashed if his 
 ^oice didn t tremble. 
 
 "Quite sure, dear boy," I murmured, without 
 turning around. "->Iot mine, you know these two." 
 
 Billings exploded then. It seemed an opportunity 
 o relieve himself. "Not yours! Why, you dod- 
 gasted idiot, you nincompoop, you cuckoo, you 
 chicken head! What notion have you got in that 
 fool s noddle now? If those rubies are not yours, 
 whose do you think they are?" 
 
 I whirled about quickly. "Yours," I said, and laid 
 them in his hand. 
 
 "My compliments, old chap," I added, smiling. 
 By Jove! One time, at least, I put it all over old 
 Billings! 
 
 "No!" he gasped, crouching over and gripping 
 my shoulder. 
 
 I grinned cheerfully.
 
 90 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 He fell into a chair and just sat there mouthing 
 at me and then at the jewels in his hand. Old boy 
 looked devilish silly. Really acted like he had some 
 sort of stroke that sort of thing. 
 
 I laughed at him. 
 
 "Don t you see?" I said, trying to explain. 
 "Wouldn t have known a dashed thing about the 
 buttons being rubies but for you. So lucky they 
 came to me so I can get a chance to help out your 
 collection. Awfully glad, old chap." 
 
 He clenched the jewels, and looked down. 
 
 "Dicky " He coughed a little huskily as he 
 paused. "Dicky." His voice was so low I could 
 hardly hear him. "Dicky, you re off your trolley, 
 and I m a damned " 
 
 He raised his arm and dropped it. 
 
 "Well, never mind what," he finished with a lift 
 of the shoulders. "But I want to say something. 
 It s about what I offered you for those stones. The 
 price the amount I named wasn t even a decent 
 gamble ; but it was all I could go, and oh, I wanted 
 one so badly, Dicky ! And now you ve made me feel 
 like a dog. And I can t take your gift, old chap, 
 any more than I could afford to offer you the real 
 value of one of these beautiful stones. Here." And 
 he passed them back to me. 
 
 "I know each of them to be worth anywhere from 
 forty to fifty thousand dollars," he said quietly. 
 "They re the kind the crowned heads scoop for jew 
 els of state."
 
 AN AMAZING REVELATION 91 
 
 I nodded, and, getting up carelessly, I strolled to 
 a window. 
 
 "Devilish lovely night," I said, poking my head 
 out. And it was. Stars overhead and all that sort 
 of thing, and lots of them below, too I could hear 
 them singing over on Broadway. 
 
 "All right, old chap; then here they go into the 
 street," I said. "If my friend can t have em, then no 
 jolly crowned heads shall. That s flat!" 
 
 Billings started forward with a regular scream. 
 
 I waved him back. "Don t come any nearer, old 
 chap," I said, holding my arm out of the window, 
 "or, dash me, I ll drop them instantly. Six stories, 
 you know stone flagging below." 
 
 "But, Dicky" 
 
 "If you don t say you ll take em, time I count 
 three, I ll give em a toss, by Jove! One!" 
 
 "Here, Dicky! Don t be a" 
 
 "Two !" I counted. No bluff, you know ; I meant 
 jolly well to do it. 
 
 "Just one word one second, Dicky!" he yelled. 
 "Let me off with one, then. Dicky ! Dicky, old chap ! 
 Be a good sportsman!" 
 
 I hesitated. Dash it, one hates to take an advan 
 tage. 
 
 Billings stretched out his arm appealingly. "Do, 
 old chap!" he pleaded. "Give me just one one 
 only!" 
 
 His hand shook like a quivering what s-its-name 
 leaf.
 
 92 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 I yielded reluctantly: "Oh, well then, call it off 
 with one," I said. And with a sigh I tossed him one 
 of the rubies and dropped the other in the pocket of 
 my smoking-jacket. Billings wiped his forehead, and 
 then he thanked me and wiped his eyes. 
 
 "So good of you to give in, old chap," he snuffled. 
 "Never will forget you for it!" 
 
 "Oh, I say, chuck it, you know !" I protested. 
 
 "Whole family will thank you," he went on in 
 his handkerchief. "Princely magnanimity and all 
 that sort of thing you ll just have to come up for 
 the week end with me this " 
 
 "I will!" I reached forward eagerly and insisted 
 on shaking hands. By Jove, what luck ! 
 
 And Billings looked regularly overcome. All he 
 could do was just shake his head and pump my arm. 
 Why, dash it, this seemed to affect him more even 
 than giving in about the ruby. It was the first time 
 I had ever accepted his invitation, you know. 
 
 "Tell you what, old chap," he said, as soon as he 
 could speak. "I m going to tell you what to do with 
 that other stone. You save that for her." 
 
 "Her!" By Jove, I was so startled I lost the grip 
 on my monocle. Billings nodded emphatically. 
 
 "Yes, sir for her; she ll be along one of these 
 days." 
 
 "By Jove, you know!" I was almost dizzy with 
 a sudden idea. I fished out the jewel and held it be 
 fore my glass, squinting doubtfully at it. I won 
 dered if it was good enough for "her."
 
 AN AMAZING REVELATION 93 
 
 "I say, Billings," I murmured thoughtfully. 
 "Blondes or brunettes, you know which wear 
 rubies?" 
 
 "Both!" He said it with a kind of jaw snap. 
 "They wear anything in the jewel line they can 
 freeze on to." 
 
 "But which" 
 
 "The worst? Blondes, my boy blondes, every 
 time; especially those going around in black." Bill 
 ings spoke gloomily. "Let me tell you, my boy and 
 I know don t you ever have anything to do with a 
 blonde if she s in black, especially black silk hear?" 
 
 By Jove, his uplifted finger and fierce way of say 
 ing it gave me a regular turn, you know. But then 
 there was the ruby, and I was thinking that 
 
 "Perhaps the four of them in a bracelet," I mut 
 tered, "with something else to help out. They might 
 do." 
 
 "They might," said Billings in a tone of coarse 
 sarcasm. "They might do for a queen !" 
 
 I flashed a quick look at him. "Just what 7 was 
 thinking," I answered gently. 
 
 "Meantime," said Billings, yawning, "let s go to 
 bed." 
 
 And just as I rang for Jenkins I suddenly was 
 seized with a perfectly ripping idea that checked a 
 long yawn right in the middle and almost broke my 
 jaw. For I saw how I could do something hand- 
 jome that would even up with Billings in a way for 
 the ruby he wouldn t take.
 
 94 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 "Tell you what, old chap," I said, slapping him 
 on the shoulder, "you are going to have them to 
 night!" 
 
 "Have have what?" burst from him. "Rubies? 
 I tell you I won t take another " 
 
 "Rubies!" I ejaculated contemptuously. "Rubies 
 nothing ! Something better something worth while, 
 dash it!" 
 
 I saw he would never guess it. 
 
 "Why, you shall sleep in the pajamas from 
 China," I exclaimed. And gathering them, I placed 
 them in his hands. 
 
 "By George, Dicky!" Billings face showed feel 
 ing. "How infernally clever of you, old chap! How 
 thundering timely, too!" 
 
 He held them up singly, studying their outlines 
 critically. 
 
 "And see here, Dicky why, great Thomas cats!" 
 His eyes turned on me wonderingly. "Never noticed 
 it before did you? But I do believe they are just 
 my size !" 
 
 His size ! By Jove, I had forgotten all about the 
 item of size! I just collapsed into a chair as he said 
 good night, and sat there blinking in a regular 
 stupefaction of horror as his door closed behind him. 
 
 For he was devilish sensitive about his bulk, and 
 I dared not say a word.
 
 CHAPTER X 
 
 A NOCTURNAL INTRUSION 
 
 , but I say, it s impossible, you know!" And 
 I stared at Jenkins incredulously. 
 
 He grinned foolishly. "I know, sir; but he s in 
 em, just the same, and I must say they do fit lovely 
 just easy-like." 
 
 "By Jove!" I gasped helplessly. "Then the jolly 
 things must be made of rubber, that s all! Why, 
 look here, he weighs over three hundred pounds, you 
 know!" 
 
 Jenkins head wagged sagaciously. "I think that s 
 how it is, sir; it s wonderful what they do with rub 
 ber now ; my brother wears a rubber cloth bandage 
 that ain t no bigger round than my arm when it s 
 off of him, and he " 
 
 "Dare say," I said sleepily as I fell back upon 
 my pillow. "Good night, Jenkins; hope you ll get 
 enough sleep to make up for the other night." 
 
 Jenkins sighed as he punched out the light. 
 "Thank you, sir and good night," he murmured. 
 
 How long I slept I can not tell, as they say in 
 stories, you know; but I was brought jolly wide 
 awake by a light that shone through the bedroom s 
 
 95
 
 96 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 open door. For if there s one thing- will wake me 
 quicker than everything else it s a light in the room 
 at night. Fact is, I always want it as black as the 
 what s-its-name cave, or else I can t sleep. And this 
 light came from the small electric stand on the writ 
 ing-desk. I could tell that by the way it shone. 
 
 And just then the little silver gong in there chimed 
 three. Jolly rum hour for anybody to be up unless 
 they were having some fun or were sick. So I raised 
 my head and called softly : 
 
 "Jenkins er Billings !" 
 
 No answer. Reluctantly I swung out and stepped 
 within the next room. Not a soul there, by Jove! 
 Then I moved over to Billings door, which was wide 
 open for coolness, like my own. I could not see the 
 shadowed alcove in which the bed was placed, and 
 so I stood there hesitating, hating awfully to risk 
 the possibility of disturbing him, don t you know. 
 And just then my eyes, ranging sleepily across the 
 room toward the private hall, were startled by the 
 apparition of an open doorway. 
 
 Startled, all right! And yet, by Jove, I was in 
 such a jolly fog, I just stood there, nodding and 
 batting at it for a full minute before I could take 
 it in. 
 
 "What I call devilish queer," I decided. I walked 
 over and stuck my head out into the dark hall. 
 
 "Billings! Jenkins!" I whispered. 
 
 By Jove, not a word ! Everything as silent as the 
 tomb!
 
 A NOCTURNAL INTRUSION 97 
 
 I didn t like it a bit so mysterious, you know. 
 Besides, dash it, the thing was getting me all waked 
 up! I just knew if once I got excited and thoroughly 
 awake, it would take me nearly ten minutes to get 
 to sleep again. And, by Jove, just then the excite 
 ment came, for I got hold of the fact after I had 
 stared at it a while, that the door of my apartment 
 opening into the outer corridor was standing ajar. 
 Why, dash it, it was not only standing, it was mov 
 ing. Then suddenly the broad streak of light from 
 the corridor widened under the impulse of a fresh 
 ening breeze, and the door swung open with a bang. 
 
 And then I heard my name spoken. 
 
 By Jove, I had been standing there with my mouth 
 open, bobbing my head like a silly dodo; but, give 
 you my word, I was suddenly wide awake as a jolly 
 owl wagon ! 
 
 Away down the corridor, by the mail chute, a 
 man was standing, reading a framed placard. 
 Nothing particularly remarkable in this, but as the 
 door banged he turned his head sharply and ejacu 
 lated : 
 
 "Dammit! Now, that will wake Lightnut!" 
 
 I was surprised, because I couldn t recall ever 
 having seen him before; yet, standing as he did 
 under the light, I had opportunity for a devilish 
 good view. 
 
 He was a heavy set old party, rather baldish, with 
 snowy mutton chops and a beefy complexion that 
 was joliy well tanned below the hatband line, you
 
 98 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 know. The kind of old boy you size up as one of the 
 prime feeder sort and fond of looking on the wine 
 when it is Oporto red. Had something of the cut of 
 the retired India colonels one sees about the Service 
 clubs in London straight as a lamp post still, but 
 out of training and in devilish need of tapping 
 that sort of duck, you know ! 
 
 What a respectable-looking old party might be up 
 to, wandering around a bachelor apartment building 
 at three in the morning, was none of my business. 
 What s more, you know, I didn t care a jolly hang. 
 But the thing that dashed me was that just as I 
 moved toward the door to close it, he uttered my 
 name again and came straight toward me as though 
 to speak. 
 
 So I had to wait, by Jove, for I couldn t close the 
 door in his face. Awfully rotten thing to do that, 
 you know. 
 
 "Lost his floor and wants to inquire," I decided. 
 
 And then as he toddled across the last yard and 
 stopped before me, I saw that the old chap was in 
 his night things some darkish sort of pajamas. 
 
 His bushy white eyebrows puckered in a frown. 
 . "Hello ! Just afraid my moving around was going 
 to get you up infernal shame!" he said in a thun 
 der growl. 
 
 I smiled feebly but politely. "Devilish consider 
 ate old cock," was my thought. "Means well. 1 
 
 Aloud I said : "Not at all, you know. Up any 
 how."
 
 A NOCTURNAL INTRUSION 99 
 
 Then I moved the door just a little just a wee 
 suggestive inch or two, you know, hoping he 
 would go. 
 
 But, by Jove, he just walked right in ! 
 
 Then he leaned against the wall in the corridor 
 and chuckled. 
 
 "By George!" he exclaimed with a leer that 
 showed his almost toothless old gums. "Bet you 
 never would guess what I got up for!" 
 
 No, dash it, I didn t even care to try. I just 
 coughed a little. 
 
 "He, he !" he giggled. "Woke up and remembered 
 had promised Flossie Fandango of The Parisian 
 Broilers a box of steamer flowers. Gad, she sails at 
 ten ; so I piled out and shot off a note to my florist, 
 special delivery. Been trying to find out from that 
 infernal card back there when s the first collection 
 from the box below. You don t know, do you ?" 
 
 By Jove, one of those foot-in-the-grave old stage- 
 door Johnnies ! The surprise took my breath. 
 
 "Why, the cheesy old sport!" I thought disgust 
 edly. And I answered rather coldly: "Sorry, you 
 know; no idea." And I opened the door wide. 
 
 But the old rascal never moved ; just stood there, 
 chuckling horribly. 
 
 "Well, she ll be back in the fall," he cackled. 
 "And see here, old chap, will introduce you if you 
 like. You need waking up!" 
 
 And here I gave a jump and yelled "Ouch!" 
 
 For the old fool had dug his thumb into my ribs.
 
 ioo THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 Only then did it dawn on me that he was drunk. 
 Of course that was it, and unless I got rid of him 
 the old bore would stand and twaddle the rest of the 
 night. I reached for his hand and shook it. 
 
 "We ll have a talk about it some time," I said 
 pleasantly. "Just now, don t you think we d better 
 each get to bed? So devilish late, you know." 
 
 He slapped me on the shoulder with a blow that 
 almost brought me to the floor. Felt like he struck 
 me with a ham, don t you know ! 
 
 "Right, old chap," he said; "very delicately put; 
 won t keep you up another minute. Believe I d like 
 a drink first, though, if you don t mind." 
 
 Devilish bored as I was, I decided the easiest es 
 cape was to humor him. 
 
 "All right," I said, leaving the door open and 
 stepping into the room; "I ll get you a glass of 
 water." 
 
 "Water!" he exclaimed, following me right in. 
 "Say, don t get funny; it s not becoming to you." 
 He leered at me hideously. 
 
 He went right to the corner where stood my cel- 
 larette. By Jove, give you my word I was so devilish 
 stupefied I couldn t bring out a word. I wasn t sure 
 what was coming, and as I didn t want Billings rest 
 disturbed, I quietly closed the door of his room. 
 
 The old cock in the black pajamas had uncorked 
 a bottle and was smelling its contents. He grimaced 
 over his shoulder. 
 
 "That s infernally rotten Scotch, I say!" he ex-
 
 A NOCTURNAL INTRUSION 101 
 
 claimed with a sort of snort. "Regular sell, by 
 George !" 
 
 I was glad Billings didn t hear him, for it had 
 been a present from him only the week before. 
 
 "Suppose I ll have to go the rye," he grumbled; 
 and, grinning at me familiarly, he poured himself a 
 drink. He tossed it off, neat. I reflected that per 
 haps he would go quietly now. 
 
 "Well," I said, advancing, "I expect you re anx- 
 ious to get to your quarters, so I ll say good night." 
 I extended my hand. "That ought to fetch him/ 
 I thought, "if he s a gentleman, no matter how jolly 
 corked he may be." 
 
 In my grasp his hand felt like a small boxing 
 glove, but when I glanced at it I saw that it was not 
 unusual. 
 
 The old duck pumped my arm solemnly and cast 
 his eyes to the ceiling. 
 
 "Fa-are-we-e-11, old f-friend!" he murmured in a 
 husky tremolo, deflecting the corners of his mouth 
 and wagging his bald pate. "If I don t see you 
 again I ll have the river dragged !" 
 
 And then, instead of going, dash me if the old 
 fool didn t flop down into Billings favorite chair 
 and reach for Billings cigarettes that he had left on 
 the tabouret. 
 
 He waved his hand at me. "Oh, you go on to bed, 
 Lightnut," he said, puffing away with iron nerve. 
 "All the sleep s out of me, dammit! I ll just sit here 
 and read and smoke as long as I like, then I ll go
 
 102 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 in there and turn in." A jerk of his doddering head 
 indicated Billings room. 
 
 By Jove, I hardly knew what to do! I was reg 
 ularly bowled over, don t you know. I was up 
 against a crisis that s what a crisis. 
 
 "Oh, I say, you know " I started remonstrating, 
 and just then I gasped with relief at the welcome 
 sight of Jenkins, peeking round the door-frame be 
 hind my visitor s back. His finger was on his lips 
 and he beckoned me earnestly. 
 
 At the same moment old whiskers shoved his chair 
 up to the table, switched on the reading-lamp and 
 reached for a magazine. 
 
 "I m on, sir," whispered Jenkins, as I joined him 
 and we stepped aside. "Hadn t I better ring up the 
 janitor on my house phone?" 
 
 "By Jove, the very thing!" I agreed. "For he ll 
 know where this chap belongs. A fiver, tell him, if 
 he gets a move on. Hurry!" 
 
 I slipped back into the room as Jenkins disap 
 peared. The jolly old barnacle had discarded his 
 cigarette and was critically selecting a cigar from 
 my humidor. 
 
 "I don t see why the devil you don t go to bed/ 
 he said, fixing himself comfortably with two chairs 
 and lighting up. 
 
 "I I m not sleepy," I stammered, perching on 
 the corner of a chair. 
 
 "I believe you re lying," he growled, scowling at
 
 A NOCTURNAL INTRUSION 103 
 
 me ; "but if you re not sleepy, listen to this joke here 
 it s a chestnut, but it s infernally good." 
 
 I never did know what the joke was, for I was 
 listening for other sounds as he read. Suddenly I 
 heard a whistle far down in the street ; and I thought 
 it was followed by a patter of running feet. 
 
 Then came the quivering rhythm of the elevator 
 rapidly ascending, and while the anecdote was still 
 being droned out between chuckles, I slipped out 
 again into the hall and rejoined Jenkins. 
 
 "Janitor says there s no such tenant in this build 
 ing as I described," Jenkins imparted hurriedly. 
 "Might be a guest, of course ; but he doesn t remem 
 ber ever seeing him. So he whistled for a cop, to be 
 on the safe side, and caught two. Here they are, sir." 
 
 Out from the elevator sprang the janitor, half- 
 dressed and looking excited. Close on his heels came 
 two big policemen. 
 
 I stepped into the outer corridor and explained 
 the situation. The officers nodded reassuringly. 
 
 " Nough said," one of them commented. "We ll 
 have him out, sir." 
 
 The janitor, who had been cautiously sighting 
 through the door within, came running out. 
 
 "He shifted around while I was looking, and I 
 got a good look at him," he said with some excite 
 ment, "and I never saw him before. I wouldn t for 
 get that mug!" 
 
 "Suppose you take a squint at him yourself,
 
 104 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 O Keefe," suggested the taller of the coppers. 
 "You ve been on this beat so long." 
 
 In a minute or two O Keefe came slipping back 
 hurriedly. He drew his companion aside. 
 
 "Tell you what, Tim," I heard him say, "do you 
 know, I m after thinking it looks like old Braxton, 
 known in the perfesh as Foxy Grandpa. He s a 
 swell con man, but has just finished a stretch at Cop 
 per John s for going through a flat in the Bronx. 
 He s done murder once." 
 
 The other turned to me. 
 
 "May save a muss in your rooms if you ll just 
 kinder call him out, sir," he suggested. "It will be 
 simpler." He grinned significantly and glanced at 
 his night stick. 
 
 "By Jove !" I ejaculated, looking at Jenkins. "By 
 Jove, you know !" 
 
 Jenkins coughed. "Just say you want to speak to 
 him a minute, sir," he said. "They ll do the rest 
 h m!" 
 
 They all followed me into the hall, and I stepped 
 to the doorway. And then I almost pitched for 
 ward, I was so devilish startled. 
 
 For, as a crowning example of his daring and 
 reckless conduct, the hoary old reprobate was emerg 
 ing from Billings room, his fingers overhauling the 
 contents of my friend s wallet, even as he waddled 
 along, and so absorbed that he never even saw me. 
 
 "Ah!" he breathed in a heavy sigh of satisfaction ; 
 and out came his fingers, and in them, poised aloft,
 
 A NOCTURNAL INTRUSION 105 
 
 he held the ruby I had given to Billings. His bleary 
 eyes gloated at it. 
 
 "Mine!" he whispered. "Mine now to keep for 
 ever!"
 
 CHAPTER XI 
 
 IRON NERVE 
 
 I JUST stood in the doorway, staring. Couldn t 
 say a word, my throat was that paralyzed. First 
 time, you know, I d ever seen a real burglar or jolly 
 hold-up man, and he looked so different from what 
 I had expected. 
 
 But I knew now, of course, that the policeman 
 was right and that the respectable-looking old gen 
 tleman was no other than the desperate criminal de 
 scribed as "Foxy Grandpa." But for the interven 
 tion of outside assistance doubtless Billings and I 
 might have had our throats cut by the conscienceless 
 old geezer. 
 
 He was so absorbed that he did not see me, nor 
 the two helmets piking above my shoulder. 
 
 "Up to his old tricks," O Keefe whispered. 
 "We ve got him in the act, Tim !" 
 
 "Great !" breathed Tim. "What won t the captain 
 say!" 
 
 O Keefe s breath tickled my ear again and swept 
 my nose. I ve never seen beer or sauerkraut since 
 but what I think of it ! 
 
 "Got your stick ready?" he was saying. "Best 
 not take any chances; Braxton s a quick shooter, 
 
 1 06
 
 IRON NERVE 107 
 
 they say. When we jump him, better give him the 
 club right off." 
 
 Tim whispered an impatient demur. "That s all 
 right; but I m for coaxing him out here first. I 
 don t want to tap him on the gentleman s rugs; if I 
 do, I can tell you, it ll ruin em, that s all." 
 
 He swept his hand across his tongue and gripped 
 his stick tighter. 
 
 Jenkins, at one side, bobbed his head up and down 
 and smiled his admiration of this sentiment. He 
 leaned nearer to me. 
 
 "Just beckon him out, sir," his whisper advised. 
 "Just tell him you want to show him something in 
 the hall cat, or anything will do. Just so you get 
 him past the furniture and rugs, sir." 
 
 I advanced a step into the room. I expected the 
 old knave to be a bit dashed, don t you know. Not 
 he ; it never disquieted him a bit. Just gave me a 
 careless leer and went back to the ruby. Somehow 
 I began to feel riled. I m not often taken that way, 
 but this old scamp s persistent audacity and impu 
 dence went beyond anything I had ever heard of. 
 
 "What in thunder s the matter with you, son?" 
 he murmured, squinting hideously at the jewel. 
 "You prowl around like you had a pain." Then he 
 went right on : 
 
 "Say, did you ever see anything so corking fine ?" 
 He looked up, holding the ruby in the ligfyt. "And 
 to think how little I dreamed of scooping anything 
 like that when I came in here to-night!"
 
 io8 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 By Jove, this was a little too much, even for an 
 easy-going chap like myself! The jolly worm will 
 turn, you know. 
 
 Dash me, before I knew what I was doing even, I 
 had moved to his side and jerked the ruby from his 
 hand. My face felt like a hot-water bottle as I did it. 
 
 "You haven t got it yet," I said, "and I ll take 
 devilish good care you don t get it." 
 
 He fell back as though from a blow. 
 
 "Why why, old chap! Why, Lightnut!" he 
 gasped. "What s the matter what makes you look 
 at me like that?" 
 
 "Your liberties have gone just a bit too far, don t 
 you know," I said, looking steadily in his fishy old 
 eye. "I ve had enough of you, by Jove, that s all !" 
 
 He stared at me, and I could hear him breathing 
 like a blacksmith s bellows. I would never have 
 thought he had such lungs. 
 
 Slowly his hand came out, and dash me if it wasn t 
 shaking like he had the delirium what s-its-name. 
 But for his tan, his face would have been as white 
 as his hypocritical old whiskers. 
 
 "Is this some infernal joke?" His face summoned 
 a sickly smile that almost instantly faded. His hand 
 fell back to his side. "Why, old fellow, you don t 
 think that way about me, do you ? As for the ruby, 
 I I don t want it now I just want you to accept 
 my apology for anything I ve done, and and let me 
 get away." 
 
 There was a short laugh from the doorway.
 
 IRON NERVE 109 
 
 "Likely enough," said Officer O Keefe, his big 
 figure swinging forward with long strides. "Keep 
 him covered, Tim!" 
 
 He planted himself between us with a grin. 
 
 "You re it again, Foxy! Jig s up. Will you go 
 quietly?" 
 
 It did me good to see how completely the old 
 scoundrel was taken back. His wide distended bleary 
 eyes shifted from O Keefe to me and back again. 
 It was a perfect surprise. 
 
 I motioned to Jenkins to close the door of my 
 friend s bedroom. So far, he had evidently slept 
 serenely through all the trouble, and, if possible, I 
 wanted to avoid arousing him now. For a fat man, 
 Billings had the deuce of a temper when stirred up 
 over anything like an imposition upon him, and it 
 would only add to the confusion for him to appear 
 on the scene and learn about his wallet and his treas 
 ured ruby that I had rescued. 
 
 Foxy Grandpa s face had been rapidly undergoing 
 a change. From pallor to pink it went; and then 
 from pink to red. Now it was becoming scarlet. He 
 threw his head back and faced me angrily. 
 
 "Lightnut, will you tell me what the hell this 
 means ?" And his heavy voice thundered. 
 
 "Here! Here! That ll be enough o that," cried 
 Officer O Keefe sharply. "None of your grandstand 
 play here, or it ll be the worse for you. And no 
 tricks, Braxton, or " 
 
 He clutched his stick menacingly.
 
 no THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 "Braxton!" snorted the old fellow. "Why, you 
 born fool, my name s not Braxton !" 
 
 "Not now," grinned O Keefe. "Say, what is your 
 name now, Foxy?" 
 
 "My name " roared Foxy Grandpa, and paused 
 abruptly. He looked rather blankly from one officer 
 to the other. 
 
 "See here; do I understand I m under arrest?" he 
 inquired. 
 
 "You certainly are talking, Foxy," chuckled 
 O Keefe. 
 
 "Then my name s Doe John Doe," and I thought 
 the fellow s quick glance at me held an appeal. Of 
 what sort, I had no idea. 
 
 "And what, may I ask, is the charge?" he asked 
 again, with what was apparently a great effort at 
 calmness. 
 
 "Oh, come now, Braxton," said the officer in a 
 tone of disgust, "stop your foolery ; you re just using 
 up time. Ain t it enough that you re in this build 
 ing and in this gentleman s rooms?" 
 
 "In his rooms!" exploded Foxy Grandpa. "Why, 
 you lunkhead, this gentleman will tell you I am his 
 guest !" He turned to me with a sort of angry laugh. 
 
 "Tell him, Lightnut," he rasped. "I ve had 
 enough of this!" 
 
 The big policeman s features expanded in a grin, 
 while Tim doubled forward an instant, his blue girth 
 wabbling with internal appreciation of the Foxy 
 one s facetiousness ; and the janitor snickered.
 
 IRON NERVE in 
 
 Jenkins looked shocked. As for me, dash it, I 
 never so wished for my monocle, don t you know ! 
 
 O Keefe s head angled a little to give me the bene 
 fit of a surreptitious wink. 
 
 "Oh, certainly," he said, his voice affecting a fine 
 sarcasm; "if the gentleman says you re his friend " 
 
 "He s no friend of mine," I proclaimed indig 
 nantly. "Never saw him before in my life." 
 
 Instead of being confounded, the artful old villain 
 fell back with a great air of astonishment and dis 
 may. By Jove, he managed to turn fairly purple. 
 
 "Wha-a-t s that?" he gasped stranglingly and 
 clutching at the collar of his pajamas. "Say that 
 again, Dicky." 
 
 I looked at him severely. 
 
 "Oh, I say, don t call me Dicky, either," I remon 
 strated quietly. "It s a name I only like to hear my 
 intimate friends use." 
 
 He kind of caught the back of a chair and glared 
 wildly at me from under his bushy wintry eye 
 brows. The beefy rolls of his lower jaw actually 
 trembled. 
 
 "Don t you haven t you always classed me as 
 that, Die er Lightnut?" he sort of whispered. 
 
 By Jove, the effrontery of such acting fairly dis 
 gusted me. I looked him over from head to foot 
 with measured contempt. "I don t know you at all," 
 I said coldly, turning away. 
 
 "Ye gods!" he wheezed, clutching at his grizzled 
 hair.
 
 CHAPTER XII 
 
 I SEND A MAN TO JAIL 
 
 THE two policemen shifted impatiently. 
 "That ll about do, Foxy," growled O Keefe. 
 "It s entertaining, but enough of a thing " 
 
 But the old duffer caught his sleeve. 
 
 "Wait!" he panted. "One second wait just 
 one second!" 
 
 He looked at Jenkins and ducked his neck for 
 ward, swallowing hard. 
 
 "Jenkins," he said with a sickly smile. "You 
 you see how it is with Lightnut poor fellow! 
 None of us ever thought he would go off that bad 
 though. But, as it is, I guess you re the one now 
 who will have to set me right with these people. 
 You ll have to stand for me." 
 
 Jenkins looked alarmed. He addressed the offi 
 cers eagerly : 
 
 "S help me," he cried, his glance impaling the 
 prisoner with scorn, "I never see this party before in 
 the ten years I been in New York!" 
 
 Did that settle the fellow? By Jove, not a bit; 
 his jolly nerve seemed inexhaustible ! 
 
 He blinked a little; and then with a roar he 
 112
 
 jumped for Jenkins, but O Keefe shoved him back. 
 Panting and struggling between the two officers, and 
 fairly at bay at last, the desperate old man seemed to 
 determine one last bluff, don t you know, and with 
 the janitor. 
 
 "Here, you," he bellowed, as the man dodged be 
 hind Jenkins. "You have seen me come in this 
 building often! Tell em so, or I ll kill you!" 
 
 The little man turned pale, but came up pluckily. 
 
 "If if I had," he stammered, "you never would 
 have come in again, if I knew as much about you as 
 I do now. I assure you, gents, I never laid eyes on 
 this man before." 
 
 "Well, I ll be" 
 
 He broke off and seemed to fall out of the grasp 
 of the men backward into a big chair. Couldn t quit 
 his jolly acting, it was clear to me, even when he had 
 played his last card. 
 
 "Is everybody crazy, or am I?" he said, brushing 
 his hand across his forehead; and dashed if the per 
 spiration didn t stand on it in big drops, clear up into 
 his old bald pate. 
 
 "See here," he broke out again, addressing 
 O Keefe, "send for somebody else in this building; 
 send for He seemed to deliberate. 
 
 The policeman laughed derisively. 
 
 "Likely we ll be hauling people out of bed at this 
 hour, isn t it," he sneered, "just to let you keep up 
 this fool s game !" He leveled his stick menacingly. 
 "Now, looky here, Braxton!" he exclaimed sternly.
 
 ii 4 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 "I m being easy with you because you re a gray- 
 headed old man, but " 
 
 By Jove, it was plain he had struck a sensitive 
 point ! 
 
 "Gray-headed old man !" shouted the fellow, com 
 ing out of the chair like a rubber ball, and pointing 
 to his reflection in the long mirror. "Does that look 
 like gray hair that red topknot? It ll be gray, 
 though, if this infernal craziness goes on much 
 longer I ll say that much!" And back he flopped 
 into the chair. 
 
 The two officers exchanged glances, and, by Jove, 
 they looked ugly ! 
 
 "Call for the wagon, Tim," said O Keefe shortly, 
 indicating the phone. "The fool s going to give 
 trouble. Kahoka Apartments, tell them. Hurry; 
 let s get him to the street." 
 
 He made a dive at the figure in the chair and 
 jerked him forward. 
 
 But his grip seemed to slip and he only moved his 
 prisoner a few inches. He tried again with about 
 the same result. 
 
 "Get a move on, Tim," he said pantingly. "He s 
 bigger, somehow, than he looks, and awful heavy; 
 it ll take both of us. Get up, Braxton, unless you 
 want the club!" 
 
 The man settled solidly in the depths of the chair. 
 
 "Club and be hanged !" he replied with a snap of 
 his jaw. "I won t go in any dirty police wagon
 
 I SEND A MAN TO JAIL 115 
 
 that s flat ! You may take me in a hearse first. Get 
 a cab or a taxi, if I have to go with you !" 
 
 "Gamey old sport, anyhow, by Jove!" I thought 
 with sudden admiration. Couldn t help it, dash it! 
 Heart just went out to him, somehow. 
 
 I gently interposed as O Keefe prepared to lunge 
 again. 
 
 Til stand the cab for him, officer," I said with a 
 smile, "if your rules, don t you know, or whatever 
 it is, will allow." 
 
 I added in a lowered voice : 
 
 "Makes it devilish easier for you, don t you know, 
 and avoids such a jolly row. And er I want to 
 ask you and your friend to accept from me a little 
 token of my appreciation." 
 
 The policeman exchanged a glance with Tim and 
 considered. 
 
 "Well, sir," he said, "as to the cab, of course if 
 you re a mind to want to do that, it s your own af 
 fair." 
 
 He turned to his companion. 
 
 "Just cancel that, Tim," he directed. "Call a 
 four-wheeler." 
 
 "Thank you, Lightnut," put in the old man grate 
 fully. "You have got a grain of decency left, by 
 George, after all !" 
 
 Meantime, Jenkins was answering my inquiry. 
 
 "I don t believe, sir, you have a bit of cash in the 
 house. You told me so when you were retiring."
 
 n6 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 By Jove, I remembered now ! The poker game in 
 the evening! 
 
 I was wondering whether they could use a check, 
 when I spied Billings wallet on the table. 
 
 The very thing, by Jove ! 
 
 Examination showed, first thing, a wad of yellow 
 backs, fresh from the bank. I peeled off two and 
 pushed them into the officer s hand. 
 
 "This belongs to a friend of mine," I remarked ; 
 "but it s just the same as my own, don t you know, 
 and he won t mind. Dash it, we re just like 
 brothers !" 
 
 A howl of maniacal laughter from the old fool in 
 the chair startled us both. 
 
 "Regular Damon and Pythias, damn it!" he gab 
 bled, grinning with hideous face contortions. "One 
 for all, and all for one! And just help yourself; 
 don t mind me. Why hell!" 
 
 O Keefe prodded him sharply in the shoulder 
 with his night stick. 
 
 "Stop your skylarking now, Foxy," he admon 
 ished angrily, "and come on. Here the gentleman s 
 gone and put up his money for a cab for you and 
 you ought to want to get out of his way so he can 
 rest." 
 
 "He s sure been kind to you," supplemented Tim, 
 whose eye had noted the passing of the yellow boys. 
 
 "Kind !" mocked the old geezer, showing his scat 
 tered teeth in a horrible grin. "Why, he s a lu-lu, a 
 regular Samaritan!"
 
 I SEND A MAN TO JAIL 117 
 
 "No names!" warned O Keefe, slightly lifting his 
 night stick. "Come on to the street you seem to 
 forget you re under arrest." 
 
 He added hastily : 
 
 "And I ought to have warned you that anything 
 you may say, Foxy " 
 
 "Oh, you go to Brooklyn !" snarled Fox ; . "For 
 two pins I d knock your block off, you fat-headed 
 Irish fool ! Think I m going down to the sidewalk 
 without my clothes?" 
 
 "Are your clothes somewhere in this building?" 
 I asked with some sympathy. 
 
 He whirled on me sneeringly and jeered like a 
 jolly screech owl : 
 
 "Oh, no ; not exactly in the building they re on 
 the flagpole on the roof, of course! He-he-he! 
 Bloody good joke, isn t it?" 
 
 I sat on the edge of the table wearily ; and, catch 
 ing the policeman s eye, shrugged my shoulders sig 
 nificantly. 
 
 "You re right, sir," he said apologetically. "We 
 won t fool a second longer. Here, you take that 
 side, Tim. Let s pull !" 
 
 And they did pull, but, by Jove, they couldn t raise 
 him. 
 
 "Queerest go I ever see," Tim gasped. "He ain t 
 holding on to nothing, is he? And, O Keefe, he 
 feels big!" 
 
 "Pshaw, it s not that," the other panted ; "it s just 
 the way he s sitting. Why, you can see he ain t so
 
 n8 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 very big." He nodded to Jenkins and the janitor. 
 "Here, you two ! Help us, can t you ?" 
 
 And with one mighty, united heave, they brought 
 the loudly protesting old man to his feet and held 
 him there. O Keefe faced me. 
 
 "Might be well to take a look around, sir, and see 
 if you think of anything else he s stolen, before we 
 take him off." 
 
 "Good idea, Lightnut!" Old Braxton stopped 
 struggling and whirled his head toward me, his face 
 almost black with rage. "Ha, ha! Why don t you 
 have me searched? There s not a pocket in these 
 damn pajamas !" 
 
 "Anything whatever, sir, we ll have him leave be 
 hind," said O Keefe. 
 
 "By Jove !" I don t know how I ever managed to 
 say it. Fact is, things had just suddenly spun round 
 before me like a merry what s-its-name. For I did 
 recognize something! The old fellow s unabashed 
 reference to pajamas was what brought it to my at 
 tention. 
 
 "Ha!" O Keefe nodded. "There is something! 
 Just say the word, sir." 
 
 I looked helplessly at Jenkins, and then I saw that 
 of a sudden he recognized them, too. His eyes 
 rolled at me understandingly. 
 
 "What is it, sir?" demanded O Keefe respect 
 fully. "The law requires 
 
 I swallowed hard. "It it s the pajamas," I said 
 faintly.
 
 I SEND A MAN TO JAIL 119 
 
 The old rascal uttered a roar and tried to get at 
 me. 
 
 "You cold-blooded scoundrel!" he bellowed. "So 
 this is why 
 
 But here a jab of the night stick took him in the 
 side with a sound like a blow on a punching bag. 
 Words left the old man and he gasped desperately 
 for breath. O Keefe tried to shake him. 
 
 "Did you get those pajamas in here?" he de 
 manded fiercely, and he drew back his stick as 
 though for another jab. But the old geezer nodded 
 quickly, glaring at me and trying to wheeze some 
 thing. 
 
 "That s enough," said the officer. He turned to 
 me. "You recognize them, do you, sir?" 
 
 "I I think so," I stammered, looking at Jenkins, 
 who nodded. "They belong to a friend of mine who 
 a must have left them here." 
 
 "I see." He fished out a note-book. "Mind giv 
 ing me the name, sir? Just a matter of form, you 
 know He licked his pencil expectantly. 
 
 "Oh, I say, you know " I gasped at Jenkins. "I 
 don t think she I" 
 
 "Certainly not, sir," affirmed Jenkins, solemnly 
 looking upward. 
 
 "She?" The note-book slowly closed, then with 
 the pencil went back into the officer s pocket. "Ex 
 cuse me, sir. H m!" 
 
 "H m!" echoed Tim apologetically. Then they 
 both glared at Foxy.
 
 120 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 The old man just snarled at them. He was like 
 a dog at bay. 
 
 "All right!" he hissed. "You just try to take 
 them off I ll kill somebody, that s all. Think I m 
 going to make a spectacle of myself?" 
 
 Jenkins whispered to me. 
 
 "To be sure," I said aloud. "He might as well 
 wear them now to the station. Just so he returns 
 them when he gets his clothes." 
 
 "Very good, sir," said O Keefe, relieved. "We ll 
 see he does that. Come along now, Braxton shut 
 up, I tell you !" 
 
 And with all four of them behind the charge, they 
 managed to rush the loudly protesting old man to 
 the door. 
 
 "I zvon t go without my clothes, I tell you," he 
 raged. 
 
 But he did. Fighting, swearing and protesting, 
 the jolly old vagabond was roughly bundled into the 
 elevator. 
 
 "Good night, sir," called O Keefe as the four of 
 them dropped downward. "We ll let you know if 
 it seems necessary to trouble you." 
 
 Once again inside, Jenkins and I just stared at 
 each other without a word, we were that tired and 
 disgusted. To me, the only dashed crumb of com 
 fort in the whole business was the wonderful fact 
 that Billings seemed to have slept like a jolly Rip 
 through the whole beastly row. 
 
 Very softly I opened his door again, so that the
 
 I SEND A MAN TO JAIL 121 
 
 breeze flowed through once more. Jenkins put out 
 the lights, and I stood there listening, but could hear 
 no sound within the room, for the street below was 
 already heralding the clamor of the coming day. 
 
 Jenkins whisper brushed my ear as I moved 
 away: 
 
 "Sleeping like a baby, ain t he, sir?"
 
 CHAPTER XIII 
 
 FRANCES 
 
 T) Y Jove, it seemed to me I had been asleep about 
 - a minute when I saw the sunlight splashing 
 through the blinds. 
 
 Jenkins stood beside me with something in his 
 hand. 
 
 "Didn t hear me, did you, sir?" he was asking. "I 
 said I thought the address looked like Mr. Billings 
 handwriting. And he s gone, sir." 
 
 "Gone?" 
 
 I sat up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I had 
 a befogged notion that Jenkins looked a little queer. 
 
 "Yes, sir. He s not in his room, nor in the apart 
 ment anywhere." 
 
 "Eh how what s that ?" For Jenkins hand ex 
 tended an envelope. 
 
 "Perhaps you would like to read this now, sir." 
 
 It was from Billings I knew his fist in an in 
 stant. It was very short and without heading. In 
 fact, above his name appeared just a half-dozen pen 
 ciled words, heavily underscored, and without punc 
 tuation : 
 
 Damn you send me my clothes 
 122
 
 FRANCES 123 
 
 "His clothes ?" I looked perplexedly at Jenkins. 
 
 He was looking a little pale and held his eyes fix 
 edly to the picture molding across the room. He 
 coughed gently. 
 
 "Yes, sir," he uttered faintly; "they re in his 
 room, but he ain t." 
 
 "By Jove !" I remarked helplessly. And just then 
 I remembered something that brought me wide 
 awake in an instant 
 
 I questioned eagerly: 
 
 "I say that desk lamp in there, Jenkins did you 
 switch it on in the night? And the doors I found 
 open know anything about them?" And Jenkins 
 blank expression was the reply. 
 
 "By Jove, Jenkins!" I gasped. 
 
 Jenkins compressed his lips. "Exactly, sir." 
 
 "Er what were you thinking, Jenkins?" I ques 
 tioned desperately. And I think Jenkins stolidity 
 wavered before my anxious face. 
 
 "It ain t for me to be thinking anything, sir be 
 sides, the messenger s waiting but His hand 
 sought his pocket. 
 
 He stepped back, leaving something on the stand 
 by my bed. 
 
 "What s that?" I questioned in alarm. "Another 
 note?" 
 
 "No, sir not exactly, sir. But if I may suggest 
 without offense, sir that you fill it out, I will see 
 that it gets to him."
 
 124 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 "Him ? Who s him he, I mean ?" 
 
 "Doctor Splasher, sir, the temperance party I was 
 speaking of. I ve already filled out mine, and I m 
 going to put one in for Mr. Billings when I send the 
 clothes." From the doorway he turned a woebe 
 gone countenance toward me. "It s heartrending, 
 sir if I may be permitted to say so to think of a 
 nice gentleman like Mr. Billings wandering over to 
 the club with nothing on but red pajamas." 
 
 But when I telephoned they stated that Mr. Bil 
 lings had not been at the club since last evening. 
 Some one who answered the phone thought Mr. 
 Billings was with his friend, Mr. Lightnut, in the 
 Kahoka Apartments. And, of course, I knew jolly 
 well he was not. 
 
 As I turned from the telephone, something in 
 Jenkins expression arrested my attention. 
 
 "Well?" I said impatiently, for he has so many 
 devilishly clever inspirations, you know; and, dash 
 it, I like to encourage him. 
 
 "Pardon, sir, but don t you think " Here he 
 looked straight up at the electrolier and coughed. 
 "About Mr. Billings, sir ; I was going to suggest that 
 though he isn t over at the club, he s somewhere, 
 sir." 
 
 Why, dash it, I thought that jolly likely, myself! 
 I said so. 
 
 "Yes, sir," said Jenkins darkly. "And Mr. Bil 
 lings usually knows where he is. I guess, sir, he s 
 in this neighborhood h m!"
 
 FRANCES 125 
 
 I just sat staring at him a minute, thinking what 
 a devilish wonderful thing intuition is for the lower 
 classes. 
 
 "By Jove, Jenkins!" I said; "then you think " 
 
 "I think Mr. Billings, sir, might prefer to find 
 himself h m! Yes, sir." Jenkins lifted the break 
 fast tray with deliberation, removed it from the 
 room, and returned, moving about the furniture and 
 busying himself with an air of mystery. Dash it, 
 I knew he had up his sleeve some other devilish 
 clever notion, and so presently I spoke up just to 
 touch him off. 
 
 "By Jove!" I remarked. 
 
 "Yes, sir." Jenkins rested the end of the crumb 
 brush on the table and considered me earnestly. 
 "You know, Mr. Lightnut, last night as Mr. Billings 
 was retiring, he says to me : Jenkins, Mr. Lightnut 
 has promised to go up home with me to-morrow for 
 the week end. There s a tenner coming your way if 
 he doesn t forget about it. He s to go to-morrow, 
 now, mind you, Jenkins; and it don t matter what 
 comes up. You see that he goes up to-morrow. 
 
 "By Jove !" I said as he paused, and I screwed my 
 monocle tighter and nodded. "I see." 
 
 Of course I didn t see, but I knew the poor fellow 
 was driving at something, and I wanted to give him 
 a run. 
 
 "Exactly, sir." And he stood waiting. "So, shall 
 I pack, sir? You ll want to take the four-ten ex 
 press, I suppose?"
 
 126 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 By Jove, it was the most amazingly, dashed clever 
 guess I ever knew Jenkins to get off ! Fact ! I knew 
 that if there was one thing more than another in 
 all the world that I wanted to do, it was to take that 
 four-ten express. To think of seeing Frances again, 
 and to-day! 
 
 Of course, it was quite clear that Billings must 
 have anticipated the possibility of something un 
 usual, and that was why he had impressed a sort of 
 personal responsibility upon Jenkins kind of tip 
 ping him off, as it were, so he would be sure to see 
 that I got off in case he did not show up himself. It 
 was very easy to see this, especially as Jenkins saw 
 it that way, too, but what made it specially sc 
 awfully jolly easy to see was the fact that I wanted 
 to go, you know. 
 
 So I let Jenkins shoot a wire up to Billings, stat 
 ing my train, and I just had to chuckle as in my 
 mind s eye I saw old brazen face Jack coming down 
 to the station to meet me, and just ignoring his go 
 ing off in the middle of the night in my pajamas. By 
 Jove, perhaps he would bring her down to the train 
 in his car, so I would be sure not to ask him any 
 questions ! 
 
 I left Jenkins to travel by a later train, and a little 
 after four I was whirling above Spuyten Duyvil 
 and looking about the chair-car to see if there was 
 any one I knew. But, by Jove, there was hardly a 
 soul in the car nobody except just women, you 1 
 know, and these filled the whole place. And they
 
 FRANCES 127 
 
 were talking about all sorts of dashed silly things. 
 Most of them were devilish pretty as the word goes, 
 but, of course, not a patch on her. Oh, well, of 
 course, they couldn t be that ! Don t know how they 
 were behind me, you know too much trouble to 
 turn round and fix my glass. So I just took the 
 range in front, looking at the tops of the hats and 
 the chairs and wondering if women would ever be 
 come extinct like that bird the great what s-its- 
 name, you know. 
 
 "By Jove, she could be spared !" I thought, study 
 ing a young woman who stood in the aisle beside me. 
 She was rather heavy set what you might call egg- 
 shaped. Her face and her heavy glasses seemed to 
 proclaim a mission in life, and the dowdyish cut of 
 her rig and the reckless way it was hurled on made it 
 plain that she was on to the fact that nature had 
 made a blunder in her sex, and she wanted the 
 world to know she knew. 
 
 She was talking to the lady immediately behind 
 me. At least, I discovered after five minutes that 
 she was talking. By Jove, up to that time, I thought 
 she was canvassing for a book! The other never 
 got in a word, don t you know. And I was getting 
 devilish tired of it and wishing she would move on, 
 when she shifted, preparatory to doing so, and raised 
 her voice : 
 
 "Very well, then, if you don t care to come, I 
 think I will go forward again and finish the discus 
 sion with Doctor Jennie Newman upon the meta-
 
 128 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 morphoses of the primordial protoplasms. Watch 
 out for Tarrytown now, Frances." 
 
 Tarrytown ! Frances ! By Jove, my heart skipped 
 a beat ! 
 
 The other murmured something. 
 
 Her voice! Her blessed, sweet voice, of which 
 every syllable, every shade, was indented in my 
 memory like the record of a what s-its-name ! By 
 Jove, my Frances, and right behind me ! 
 
 All I could do to sit still a minute longer, but I 
 knew jolly well if I turned now I would be intro 
 duced to the freak and lose I couldn t tell how many 
 precious moments with my dear one. So I sat low 
 in the chair, polishing my monocle, you know, and 
 noting with satisfaction that my part reflected all 
 right in the little strip of mirror. I tried to get 
 a glimpse of her in it, too, but all I could see was a 
 glorious white hat a stunning Neapolitan, flanked 
 with a sheaf of wild ostrich plumes. 
 
 And then the freak left. I watched her spraddle 
 down the aisle and out through the little corridor 
 before I dared risk the accident of a backward turn 
 of that funny green hat. 
 
 Then, when all was safe, I took a deep breath, 
 gripped hard the arms of the chair, and whirled 
 suddenly around. 
 
 "Frances!" I whispered. "My darling!"
 
 CHAPTER XIV 
 
 "YOU NEVER SAW ME IN BLACK" 
 
 !" she gasped faintly. 
 
 That was all she said at first, her big blue 
 eyes wide distended, her white-gloved wrists curv 
 ing above the chair-arms as though to rise. Easy to 
 see she was completely floored at seeing me. 
 
 And as it was her move, I just sat kind of grin 
 ning, you know, and holding her tight with my mon 
 ocle. 
 
 Then her mouth twitched a bit; next her head 
 went up and I heard again that delicious birdlike 
 carol of a laugh. Her eyes came to rest upon the hat 
 in my hand. I had slipped my Harvard band around 
 it, remembering the admiration she had expressed 
 for our colors. 
 
 "Oh !" she said again, and she looked at me hesi 
 tatingly. "Mr. Jones, is it not or is it -" 
 
 I chuckled. "Mr. Smith, you know," I said. 
 "Mr. Smith, of course." 
 
 And then I just went on chuckling, for I thought 
 it so devilish clever of her, so humorous. And just 
 then I thought of a dashed good repartee : 
 
 "Months so many months, you know, since we 
 129
 
 i 3 o THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 met!" And I thought it delightful the way she 
 puckered her lovely little forehead and looked me 
 over. But she just looked so devilish enticing, I 
 couldn t keep it up myself. I leaned nearer and spoke 
 behind my hat, trying to look the love I felt. 
 
 "Didn t expect to see me, did you ?" 
 
 She looked at me oddly and bit her lip. But her 
 eyes were dancing and the delicious dimple in her 
 cheek twitched on the verge of laughter. She 
 shook her head. 
 
 "Indeed I did not." And again came that odd 
 look in her face as though she were studying, kind of 
 balking, don t you know. By Jove, she was per 
 fectly dazzling ! 
 
 "My dearest!" slipped softly from me as I held 
 the hat. 
 
 She stared. Then once more that canary peal of 
 merriment. 
 
 "Oh, dear!" Then her face sobered and she al 
 most pouted. "Now you mustn t please, recdly 
 it gets so tiresome. Don t you American, or rather, 
 you Harvard men, ever talk anything to a girl but 
 love? Why, it s absurd." She smiled, but her 
 lashes dropped reproof. By Jove, I was taken back 
 a little! Evidently she was piqued with me about 
 something, but what the devil was it? And then I 
 thought I had it. 
 
 I slipped nearer to the edge of the chair. 
 
 "I didn t know you were in town to-day pon 
 honor, I didn t. Billings never said a word about
 
 YOU NEVER SAW ME IN BLACK 131 
 
 it," I explained. "Why, clash it, I would have given 
 anything to have known." 
 
 She looked at me with a queer little smile, stroked 
 her little lip with the point of one gloved finger and 
 looked across the river at the Palisades. Dash the 
 Palisades ! Never could see any sense in them, any 
 how! 
 
 "Oh, thank you, but Elizabeth and I didn t know 
 ourselves until last evening that we would make the 
 New York trip. She wanted to hear a suffragette 
 lecture at the Carnegie, and I had some shopping to 
 do." 
 
 And she just gave me one of those calm, self-con 
 tained, thoroughbred sort of smiles that are harder 
 to get past than a six-foot hedge. What the deuce 
 was the matter with the girl? Something had 
 changed her; yet I knew that nothing could really 
 change her at heart never. 
 
 But it was certain that she was put out about 
 something. I would just have to play her easy and 
 try to find out what it was. I remembered hearing 
 Pugsley say and he has had no end of experience 
 with them that when women are put out they ex 
 pect you to find out what it is, no matter how devil 
 ishly improbable or unreasonable it may be. 
 
 And just then I remembered another clever idea 
 of Pugsley s what he said was a corking good way 
 of diverting their minds. 
 
 "I say, you know," I said suddenly and though 
 I threw a whole lot of enthusiasm into my. face in
 
 1 32 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 carrying out his idea, I didn t have to try very hard 
 "I think that s a ripping gown. White is ever so 
 much more your style than than " 
 
 By Jove, I swallowed just in time! But it had 
 roused her. I could see her brighten. 
 
 "Oh !" she said. "Let me see what is it you re 
 member?" And she kind of muttered, "Perhaps I 
 can tell from that " 
 
 She paused expectantly. 
 
 "Oh, I say, you know!" And I twirled the hat, 
 feeling a bit rattled. Why the deuce did she want 
 to rub it in? 
 
 "But I want you to tell me." Her beautiful eyes 
 were teasing. 
 
 "You know in black." I twirled the hat faster. 
 
 "Black!" She stared, her exquisite lips standing 
 apart like the two petals of a rose. "Why, I never 
 wore black in my life. You know you never saw 
 me in black." 
 
 I felt hurt. I couldn t blame her for wanting to 
 appear to forget about it, but still 
 
 She must have seen my face fall, for I know, by 
 Jove, I could just feel it kind of collapse, I was that 
 hurt and disappointed. Her face softened kindly 
 and I took courage, for my devilishly alert mind just 
 then hit upon another explanation. I recalled that 
 she had thoughtlessly left the pajamas in my rooms. 
 I also realized with dismay that Foxy Grandpa had 
 promised, or rather the officers had promised for
 
 YOU NEVER SAW ME IN BLACK 133 
 
 him, that they should be returned promptly. And, 
 by Jove, I had forgotten all about them ! 
 
 "Never mind," I said, thinking aloud, as I fre 
 quently do. "I ll telephone about them as soon as we 
 get to Wolhurst." Then a terrible shock struck me. 
 "Oh, I say, you didn t have your name on them, did 
 you?" 
 
 "On what?" How kindly, even if quizzically, she 
 was regarding me! The big white hat shifted an 
 inch or two nearer. I realized with joy that she was 
 beginning to forget about being put out with me. 
 
 "Why " I looked about cautiously and dropped 
 my voice, though it was not likely any one could 
 hear above the quiver of the train. "Why, in your 
 black pajamas you left in my rooms." 
 
 A kind of little gasp was all I heard, and then she 
 was on her feet and looking not at me, but above 
 my head looking away off down the length of the 
 car. Somehow why, I couldn t understand I had 
 a wierd, horrible feeling of abasement, as though I 
 had killed a child, or had done some other dashed 
 unreasonable thing like that. Her face had flushed 
 but now was deadly white. And then, by Jove, I 
 saw she was looking for another chair. 
 
 I jumped up at once and moved into the aisle. 
 
 "I m so sorry," I said miserably, "so sorry, dear, 
 I hurt you. I didn t mean ever to speak of the paja 
 mas. I knew you wanted to forget about the other 
 night, and I knew you wanted me to forget, too "
 
 I 3 4 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 "Oh, please " She shrank back, her beautiful 
 eyes like those of a frightened deer. But it was the 
 last car, and I blocked the aisle. I didn t realize at 
 the time that I was doing it. It came to me after 
 ward, and was one of the things I kicked myself 
 about for hours, more or less. Just at the moment I 
 was so dashed wild about setting myself right with 
 her. The only other thing I had presence of mind 
 to remember was the nearness about us of a lot of 
 beady-eyed cats, and so I drew nearer and lowered 
 my voice so none could hear. For I had another 
 feeling of inspiration as to what really was the mat 
 ter with her ! 
 
 Matter! I should say, rather! She was begin 
 ning to look angry splendidly angry her eyes 
 just blazing blue fire. I knew I would have to get in 
 my explanation quickly, and what s more, if what 
 Pugsley thought was true, I would have to hit the 
 jolly nail on the head or else everything was off, 
 you know. 
 
 "Why, Frances sweetheart," I pleaded softly- 
 just loud enough for her to hear above the train, "I 
 know you are put out with me because you found me 
 gone the next morning, but honestly, dear, I acted 
 for the best indeed, I did." And to be on the safe 
 side, I profited by another inspiration : "And, my 
 darling girl, I ll never mention the pajamas and 
 the other night never any more as long as we 
 live, nor the cigarettes nor cigars nor whisky. Why, 
 I don t care if you "
 
 YOU NEVER SAW ME IN BLACK 135 
 
 "Tarrytown all out for Tarrytown!" came in a 
 high tenor voice from the end of the car, and some 
 thing bowled down the aisle and brushed me aside. 
 It was the frump. 
 
 "Come on, Frances !" she exclaimed sharply ; "our 
 station." Next instant they were streaking it for 
 the door, with me a good second. I saw Frances 
 look behind once with oh, such a look! Dashed if 
 it didn t shrivel me, you know that sort. And, by 
 Jove, I knew Pugsley was right, and that I had 
 failed to put the ball over ! 
 
 I was not six feet behind as they scrambled 
 /through the station to the other side where a large 
 car stood panting. I saw Frances clutch the frump s 
 arm and whisper something, and I heard the frump s 
 reply, for her voice was loud and strongly mas- 
 culine. 
 
 "Crazy?" she rasped. "Nonsense! Drunk, more 
 /likely. Most of them are half the time." 
 
 I didn t have time to see what she referred to, for 
 just then we reached the side of the car. I didn t see 
 a thing of Billings, but the chauffeur jumped to the 
 ground and received the ladies and their bags. He 
 seemed to me devilish familiar, too. By Jove, the 
 way he held my darling s hand was the most in 
 fernally audacious, outrageous thing I ever beheld! 
 I should have liked to punch his head. He helped 
 them into the tonneau and was so busy with his silly 
 jackass chatter that he closed the door before he 
 turned and saw me. I was just standing there, lean-
 
 136 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 ing a little forward with my cane, you know, and 
 fixing my monocle reproachfully on Frances try 
 ing to get her eye. 
 
 And then, by jove, I felt a blow on my shoulder 
 that almost bowled me over, for I had my legs 
 crossed, you know. 
 
 "Well, I ll be hanged it s Dicky!" And he was 
 grinning at me like a what s-its-name cat. And with 
 the grin I recognized him. It was the fresh young 
 fool who had been so devilish familiar at the pier 
 the morning Frances left. 
 
 Then he banged me again, dash it, and tried to 
 get my hand, but I put it behind me. But he did get 
 my arm, and he turned toward the car. His voice 
 dropped. 
 
 "See here, I want you to meet Eh?" He broke 
 off, staring at the frump, who was making signs 
 with her eyes, frowning and beckoning him with her 
 green flower-pot. He left me, murmuring some 
 thing, and stepped to the running-board. I could 
 see the flower-pot bobbing about energetically and 
 twice Frances nodded, it seemed to me reluctantly. 
 
 "Crazy drunk? Pshaw, you re batty!" he said 
 to the frump rudely. Then I heard another mur 
 mur and his harsh voice rose again : "Yes Light- 
 nut, I tell you Dicky Lightnut. Yes Jack Bil 
 lings great friend. You just wait till he s back 
 from the city, and if he don t get upon his hind 
 Eh, what? His name is Smith? Rats!" 
 
 All this time I was just standing there, trying to
 
 YOU NEVER SAW ME IN BLACK 137 
 
 catch Frances eye. I felt sure if I could catch her 
 eye she would see how devilish sorry I was. I 
 moved back a few feet, for, dash it, without a sign 
 from her, I had no idea now, of course, of consid 
 ering myself as one of the party. Not finding Bil 
 lings with the car, and the information I caught that 
 he was still in the city, just left me high and dry, you 
 know. 
 
 "All right, Miss Smarty," the yellow-topped 
 chauffeur rasped, addressing the frump, "I ll just 
 show you!" 
 
 He turned about and jerked his head. 
 
 "Oh, Dicky ! Here, just a minute, old chap will 
 you?" 
 
 Of course I took no notice of him whatever. In 
 fact I looked in the other direction. 
 
 "Lightnut!" he called. I just stared up at the 
 castle on the hill. I felt devilish annoyed, though. 
 I recalled a conversation the other day at the club in 
 which Van Dyne remarked that the intimacy af 
 fected now by chauffeurs was growing insufferable. 
 Declared his man had asked him for a light that 
 morning. 
 
 The fellow stared a little; then he came toward 
 me, smirking in a jocular, impertinent way. 
 
 "Say, stop your kidding, old man," he muttered ; 
 "girls have no sense of humor, you know. Come 
 along I ve just been telling them you are my best 
 friend." 
 
 I stole another look at the car, but Frances
 
 138 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 avoided me; so I came to a decision. I turned 
 shortly on the driver. 
 
 "See here now, my good fellow," I said sharply, 
 "you stop subjecting those ladies to annoyance. 
 Drive on, or I ll report you to my friends." 
 
 He stared seemed to be trying to stare me out of 
 countenance, in fact. Then the grin slowly faded. 
 
 "Why, Dicky!" he exclaimed in an aggrieved 
 tone, "don t you remember me don t you know 
 me?" 
 
 "I certainly do not," I answered with decision. I 
 felt my face getting red with vexation. "And what s 
 more, my name is not Dicky. 
 
 His hand slowly swept his chin and he whistled. 
 
 "Wha Well, I ll be jiggered!" He whirled 
 toward the car. 
 
 "On me, this time, I guess! You re right!" 
 
 Then his face clouded and he moved down upon 
 me. 
 
 "Here, you get along now about your business, 
 whoever you are!" His hand waved as though 
 sweeping me away. "I ve a mind to kick you for 
 annoying that young lady." 
 
 He looked toward Frances and I could see he was 
 showing off. But I thought she looked a bit dis 
 gusted. As for the frump, she suddenly opened the 
 door, stepped down and then up again, but this time 
 behind the steering wheel. 
 
 "If you don t come on, I m going," she said 
 quietly.
 
 YOU NEVER SAW ME IN BLACK 139 
 
 "Just a minute," he said, scowling back at her. He 
 faced me. 
 
 "Look here, if I hit you once" he leveled his 
 finger "well, they ll have to pick you up with a 
 sponge, that s all !" 
 
 But, except for fixing my glass for a better study 
 of Frances, I never moved. Didn t occur to me as 
 necessary, you know, until she should drive off. 
 Just stood leaning on my cane and with feet crossed, 
 you know, in the way I had long ago found was the 
 least exhausting, if one has to stand at all. But, by 
 Jove, the fellow was right in my face now, almost ! 
 Devilish annoying! 
 
 "Did you hear me, you glass-eyed fool?" he 
 barked in my ear. "You masher! By George, I ll 
 mash you !" 
 
 And he looked at Frances again and laughed, but 
 she was looking away off up at the big stone castle 
 on the Pocantico Hills behind. And I just reveled in 
 her glorious profile, splashed bright by the golden 
 sunshine reflected from the Tappan Zee opposite. 
 Incidentally, I was trying in my mind the three arm 
 movements that must be made as one, and for 
 which, to learn, I had paid the great master, Galliard 
 of Paris, a thousand francs in gold. 
 
 The car began to edge away. 
 
 "All right coming!" he yelled; and then he 
 launched his blow. But so rapid instantaneous, in 
 fact are the famous three movements of the great 
 scientist, I don t remember that my eye even shifted
 
 1 40 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 its grip upon the monocle. Therefore, as I came 
 back into the same position again as his shoulder 
 hit the ground, I was in time to catch my darling s 
 eye at last just as they curved. And, by Jove, she 
 looked amused and pleased. 
 
 As for the frump, she frankly and harshly 
 laughed, and then moved up a speed, just as a south 
 bound express took the station. 
 
 And I swung aboard it, back for little old New 
 York. Didn t see what the chauffeur did. Wasn t 
 interested, you know, about that.
 
 CHAPTER XV 
 BILLINGS SYMPTOMS ALARM ME 
 
 "A /TOST infernal outrage of the century, I tell 
 -**-* you!" Billings stormed. For an hour I had 
 sat there in my rooms, limp and bewildered under 
 the tempest of his wrath. The wild and incoherent 
 sputter over the phone that Jenkins reported upon 
 my return had sent me on a hunt for my friend. I 
 had found him sullenly dining alone over at the club, 
 and as soon as I entered he started to bolt from the 
 room. Only through the greatest pleading had I 
 managed to coax him back to my chambers, hoping 
 I might screw out of him some explanation. 
 
 I had received it, by Jove! 
 
 Of course, I recognized it all as impossible and 
 crazy, you know, but when I said so to Billings his 
 remarks were so violent, and he turned such a dan 
 gerous apoplectic purple, dashed if I didn t renege. 
 
 "But then the old man, you know!" I protested 
 weakly. 
 
 Billings leveled his big arm at me, mouthing 
 wordlessly for a minute. 
 
 "That that ll do, about that old man !" he choked 
 at last. "Not not another word about him !" And 
 
 141
 
 1 42 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 finally he collapsed into his seat from sheer ex 
 haustion. Just sat there panting and glaring at me 
 like a jolly bulldog. 
 
 Gradually he became calmer. 
 
 "Tell you what : the only thing that lets you out, 
 Dicky, is the way Van Dyne and Blakesley did, in 
 turn, when I got them there." 
 
 He spoke savagely, but I brightened a little. 
 
 "Oh!" I said. "Didn t they recognize you, 
 either?" 
 
 Billings snort made me jump. 
 
 "Recognize!" he bellowed. "They went back, 
 mad as hell !" 
 
 "By Jove !" I said soothingly. 
 
 "That s not all," continued Billings grimly. "I 
 was so sure it was a put-up job, some asinine, fool 
 joke, I wrote a cautious note to the governor. After 
 a lot of pleading, I got the fools to send it. He 
 came." 
 
 Billings paused dramatically. 
 
 "Oh, yes, he came!" he went on, fixing me with an 
 excited eye. "And when I staggered forward and 
 did the prodigal son act on his neck, he handed me a 
 punch that jolted off his silk tile. Went straight up 
 in the air with the whole bunch down there and con 
 tracted to do things for them that will keep him 
 active for a year. Threatened to have me sent up 
 for forgery this is my own father now, mind you 
 forgery of my own name! Huh!" 
 
 Billings strode to the end of the room and back.
 
 ALARMING SYMPTOMS 143 
 
 Then he sat down again, beating with his foot upon 
 the floor. 
 
 "Say, has everybody gone crazy?" he demanded. 
 
 I didn t dare say a word, for I had my own 
 opinions, you know, and I knew it wouldn t do to 
 express them. Only excite him. Best way seemed 
 just to pretend to swallow it all, you know. Best 
 way always, Pugsley says, especially with best 
 friends. 
 
 "They were pretty nasty after that," Billings went 
 on gloomily; "and they wouldn t send for any one 
 else. Just had to sit there in that infernal bastile 
 with nothing on but pajamas and a pair of bedroom 
 slippers. Every once in a while somebody would 
 come and address me as Foxy, and want me to send 
 for my clothes or else send out and buy some. Fi 
 nally, a big brute came and threw me some dirty; 
 rags and said I d have to put on those or else buy 
 some others. Buy some, Dicky did you get that?-^> 
 buy some !" 
 
 "Devilish rude, / say," I commented indignantly. 
 "Who wants to wear bought clothes ? Why, dash it, 
 my tailor says 
 
 "Pshaw!" Billings whirled his fat head impa 
 tiently. "You miss the whole point, Dicky ! I didn t 
 have a cent of money; and what s more, I couldn t 
 get any." He paused. "See? Try to get that, Dicky 
 make an effort, old chap." 
 
 I did, but, dash it, it was such a rum idea very 
 oddest thing he had said and silly, you know.
 
 I 4 4 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 Fancy any one not being able to send out and get 
 money! I just got to thinking what a jolly queer 
 idea it was and lost part of what Billings was saying 
 something about how he managed to get them to 
 send a note for his clothes. Here is what I did hear : 
 
 "And I had just got into the togs and stuffed the 
 rubies and pajamas out of sight in my pocket, when 
 the particular brigand who had charge of my coop 
 came back. He almost threw a fit when he saw me. 
 Where s Twenty-seven? he wanted to know. And 
 then, before I could say a word, he blustered up to 
 me with : And say, what business you got in here ? 
 Clear out ! And you bet I didn t lose a single golden 
 minute I cleared. You should have seen me beat 
 it down that corridor ! The fellow followed me a lit 
 tle, grumbling to himself. Then he called to a cop 
 who was just coming in: Say, O Keefe, run that 
 young fat freak out of here, will you? It s one of 
 that bunch of visitors that went through just now. 
 Fresh thing snooping into the cells ! 
 
 "And so the same cop that brought me there the 
 very same was the one that shoved me out of the 
 door, warning me that I d best not go poking into 
 the prisoners cells again if I knew what was good 
 forme!" 
 
 "By Jove !" I ventured sympathetically. 
 
 Billings nodded. "Of course, I knew it was a 
 semi-lucid interval with them all, but for all I knew 
 it might pass any instant and some bat discover I 
 was a Dutch scrubwoman escaped from Hoboken.
 
 ALARMING SYMPTOMS 145 
 
 So I broke for the first taxi and hit it up for the 
 club." 
 
 Billings took a deep breath and went on : 
 
 "By George," he said, laughing nervously. "I 
 felt like a dog with a can to its tail hunting for a 
 place to hide. Every time a fellow looked at me I 
 had heart failure until he called me by my own name. 
 Bribed Eugene to lie about my whereabouts until 
 his face hurt and then I went to bed. Sneaked out 
 of my hole this evening to get a bite of something, 
 and then you ran me down. 
 
 "And Dicky" Billings finished excitedly "I 
 was sure you had come to drag me back to my dun 
 geon, and I looked behind you, fully expecting to 
 see those two Irish pirates. If I had, I should have 
 swooned in my soup, that s all !" 
 
 I murmured my sympathy. And, by Jove, I cer 
 tainly did have a heartache about him, but of course 
 I couldn t tell him why. I was getting him quieted 
 I could see that and he was so far mollified as to 
 help himself to a cigar. When he had clipped a V 
 from the end with hiss knife, he leaned over and 
 tapped me impressively on the knee with the blade. 
 
 "And just think, Dicky," he said, absently em 
 phasizing with the sharp point of the knife, "there 
 I sat, moneyless not even a dime, you know in 
 a suit of pajamas whose three buttons were worth 
 one hundred and fifty thousand dollars !" 
 
 He fell back, his fat arms eloquently outspreading. 
 
 "Can you beat it?" he demanded.
 
 I 4 6 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 I rubbed my palm on my knee and considered. 
 
 Privately, I thought I could beat it by Jove, I 
 was sure I could ! I knew of a pair of pajamas 
 worth a dashed sight more than money. And I won 
 dered gloomily where they were. I had telephoned 
 as soon as I stepped out at the Grand Central Sta 
 tion, and after a bit made them understand who I 
 was and reminded them that the black pajamas had 
 not been returned according to promise. And then 
 they told me Foxy Grandpa had escaped, but as he 
 had nothing else on, they felt sure of rounding him 
 up as soon as he came out of his hiding-place 
 probably after dark. 
 
 "By the way, old chap," puffed Billings, his poise 
 and good humor improving under the spell of the 
 cigar, "I was sorry to return the pajamas torn and 
 dusty and wrinkled as they were. But you see, on 
 account of the rubies, I was leary about having them 
 pressed or fussed over. So I wrapped and sealed 
 them myself, just as one does a jewel package. Got 
 them, did you?" 
 
 I stared at Billings through my glass. 
 
 "Didn t you get them?" he questioned in alarm. 
 
 "Yes, yes it s all right, old chap," I said hastily 
 and as pleasantly as I could. "Eugene delivered the 
 box to Jenkins and I opened it myself. Thought it 
 was h m thought it was something else." Then 
 I proceeded soothingly : "But you re just a little 
 mistaken about the dust and wrinkles, old chap 
 and about them being torn. Ha, ha ! Good joke !"
 
 ALARMING SYMPTOMS 147 
 
 But Billings face was unresponsive. 
 
 "Why, you goop," he said with cheerful contempt, 
 "there s a triangular tear in the back of the coat you 
 could stick your head through; and one of the 
 sleeves is in ribbons." 
 
 I just opened the drawer of the table and took out 
 the box glove box, I think it was containing the 
 pajamas. I had read something somewhere about 
 the clearing effect the reaction, and that sort of 
 thing, produced sometimes by a shock. 
 
 "See for yourself, old chap," I said gently. And 
 I lifted out the gossamer fabrics and again spread 
 their crimson glory under the lamp. Billings exam 
 ined them eagerly, but just looked confounded. 
 
 "Don t understand it," he said, biting his nails. 
 "Why, hang it, they look smooth, too, as though 
 never worn. And the rubies are all right, too." 
 
 He rested his chin upon his hands and gloomed at 
 the red sweep. 
 
 I caught a few sentences of his mumbling. 
 
 "By George, I m half a mind to think there s 
 something in the pajamas," he muttered "some 
 thing uncanny and disagreeable something they re 
 alive with!" 
 
 I sprang up and back, overturning my chair. 
 
 "Good heavens oh, I say!" I exclaimed in con 
 sternation, as I fixed my glass on the garments. "It s 
 your jail, then, you know 
 
 His hand checked my reach to the bell push. 
 
 "Don t be any more kinds of an ass than you can
 
 i 4 8 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 help, Dicky/ he said with rude irritability. "I m 
 talking about something else ; and I haven t got any 
 jail, dammit! A station house isn t exactly a jail!" 
 
 He reached for another cigar and went off into a 
 brown study, wrapping himself in clouds of smoke. 
 I thought that maybe if I kept quite still he might 
 come to himself all right. Meantime, for want of 
 something to do, and to keep from getting so devil 
 ish sleepy, I fell to turning over the pajamas, admir 
 ing their beauty and daintiness and kind of half- 
 daringly wondering how she would 
 
 And suddenly I made a discovery; and I forgot 
 about keeping still. 
 
 "By Jove, Billings!" I exclaimed excitedly. 
 "Here s something inside the collar some sort of 
 jolly writing!" 
 
 "What s that ?" said Billings sharply. He jerked 
 the garment from my hand and held it in the light. 
 All round the circle within the collar band ran four 
 or five darker red lines of queer little crisscross 
 characters. 
 
 "Chinese laundry marks, you idiot," he com 
 mented carelessly. And then he ducked his head 
 closer with a quick intake of breath. 
 
 "By George, Dicky!" he cried, his voice tremulous 
 with some excitement. "Can t be that either; it s 
 woven in awfully fine, neat job, too. Now, what 
 do you suppose 
 
 He broke off wonderingly.
 
 CHAPTER XVI 
 
 AN INSCRIPTION AND A MYSTERY 
 
 "OILLINGS rubbed his chin perplexedly. 
 ^-* "By jigger, now, I wonder what those hen 
 tracks mean ?" he uttered musingly. Then he looked 
 up at me with sudden animation in his face. 
 
 "Look here, Dicky," he exclaimed, "do you hap 
 pen to know Doozenberry ?" 
 
 I tried to remember. I shut one eye and studied 
 the marks closely through my glass, but had to shake 
 my head at last. 
 
 "Sorry, old chap; don t seem to remember it at 
 all if I ever did not a dashed glimmer of it left." 
 I yawned. "Never tried to keep any of those college 
 things, you know." 
 
 Billings, who had been staring, uttered a rude 
 comment. 
 
 "It s not a language, you cuckoo," he snapped; 
 "it s a man. He s a D.S. distinguished scientist, 
 you know. What s more, he s one of your neigh 
 bors, right in this building." 
 
 "Don t know him," I said a little stiffly. "What s 
 his club?" 
 
 Billings all but gnashed his teeth. 
 149
 
 150 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 "Club, thunder!" he jerked out impatiently. 
 "Why, man, he s a member of all the great societies 
 of the world bodies whose rank and exclusiveness 
 put the blink on all the clubs you or I ever saw. Got 
 a string of letters after his name like a universal 
 keyboard, and is the main squeeze, the great scream, 
 among all the scientific push over here and in Eu 
 rope. Lots of dough, but off his trolley with learn 
 ing." 
 
 "And in this building?" I said wonderingly. 
 "What s he like?" 
 
 For a moment I had a thought of Foxy Grandpa, 
 but the janitor had said he did not belong in the 
 building. Besides, Billings next words removed 
 that clue to the lost pajamas. By Jove, how I did 
 long to ask his advice about them ! Once I was on 
 the point of doing so had devilish narrow escape, 
 in fact but pulled up on the brink. So deuced hard 
 to remember that anything so delicate and sweet and 
 fetching could be Billings sister, you know. I had 
 been wondering for an hour whether I had better 
 say anything about my adventure up at Tarrytown 
 wondered if she would like me to. 
 
 "Here, you moon calf, wake up!" Billings coarse 
 voice brought me back to the present, and I had to 
 blink and pretend I was listening. "I m telling you 
 about Doozenberry ! I say you surely must have seen 
 him you couldn t miss him in a black cave. Queer- 
 looking old skate, tall as a street lamp and as thin ;
 
 AN INSCRIPTION AND A MYSTERY 151 
 
 looks like a long cylinder of black broadcloth. So 
 dignified it hurts him. 
 
 I reflected. 
 
 "Awfully large head," continued Billings, elevat 
 ing his hands some two feet apart, "pear-shaped af 
 fair big end up bumps on it like halves of grape 
 fruit, porcupine eyebrows, and " 
 
 "Oh, I know," I said, nodding eagerly; "and a 
 little, shriveled well, kind of mashed sort of face, 
 -eyes beadlike and jolly small. I ve got him now! 
 I ve gone down with him in the elevator." 
 
 Billings nodded. "You ve got him painted," he 
 said drily. "That s the professor; only, his eyes are 
 anything but jolly. I ve ridden in the elevator with 
 him myself. Always manages to look like he was 
 traveling with a bad smell !" 
 
 "Devilish sensitive, I dare say." 
 
 Billings looked at me suspiciously, but I had got 
 taold of the thing I was trying to recollect arid I went 
 on quickly : 
 
 "By Jove, you know, I believe Jenkins knows his 
 man fellow who butlers, and, I believe, cooks, for 
 him. He and Jenkins belong to the same how do 
 they call it? same club of gentlemen s gentlemen." 
 
 Billings brought his fist down. "Let s have Jen 
 kins in," he suggested. And we did. 
 
 "I say, Jenkins," I began, "this-Professor Doodle 
 bug above us " 
 
 "Doozenberry !" Billings sharply corrected.
 
 .152 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 "Well, some jolly rum thing about him, don t you 
 know, Jenkins something you said his man told 
 you remember, eh?" 
 
 Jenkins eyes batted a little. 
 
 He cleared his throat. "Why, yes, sir ; he told me 
 a lot of funny things one night, sir. Don t suppose 
 he would have done it, only him and me had an even 
 ing off and we we " 
 
 Jenkins seemed to hesitate. 
 
 "And you went on a bat together," suggested 
 Billings, rubbing his hands pleasantly. 
 
 "It was, sir," Jenkins admitted, looking at me 
 sadly. "Leastways, he sort o loosened up as he got 
 -got" 
 
 "Pickled," Billings helped smoothly. 
 
 "Quite so, sir; there s some is that way always; 
 some is taken other ways." Jenkins considered Bill 
 ings moodily. "The power of the demon rum, sir." 
 
 "Ah, true!" sighed Billings, lifting his eyes. 
 
 "This here chap, he got to going on and all but 
 crying about his cursed hard fate them s his own 
 words, sir his cursed hard fate in having to drink 
 water all the time and eat cow feed " 
 
 "Eat what?" 
 
 "I don t know, sir that s what he called it 
 something the perfesser has him fix out of cereals 
 and nuts and sour milk. That s all they have, sir: 
 and they don t have no cooking, for the perfesser 
 says it breaks the celluloid " 
 
 "Cellular," corrected Billings.
 
 AN INSCRIPTION AND A MYSTERY 153 
 
 "Maybe so, sir," demurred Jenkins. "He said 
 celluloid the celluloid tissue papers, he called it. 
 And then his having no heat on all winter and the 
 windows kept open all the time and the snow piling 
 up on his bed at night kept him with colds all the 
 year. And then, there was the dampness 
 
 "That s it, the dampness!" I exclaimed. "Tell 
 him." 
 
 "Why, sir, he told me that every night he had to 
 turn down the perfesser s bed and go all over it with 
 a two-gallon watering can 
 
 "Watering can !" gasped Billings. 
 
 "I m telling you what he says, sir. Then he covers 
 it all up again, and in about a half-hour the per- 
 fesser turns the covers down; and if it s what he 
 calls fine that is, damp all over he climbs in and 
 sleeps like a top." 
 
 "Cold-water bug, you know," I explained, but 
 Billings shrugged his shoulders. 
 
 "That s all right. Bug or not, he s the goods, all 
 the same. Greatest ever." He spoke with quiet con 
 viction. 
 
 He deliberated a moment and turned to me. 
 
 "Tell you what, Dicky: I m going up and ask 
 him down. He s the one to give us the right dope 
 on these crazy letters Eh, what you say, Jenkins?" 
 
 "Beg pardon, sir; I was saying that the perfesser 
 don t visit nobody; and he never sees nobody but 
 the big lit ry and scientific sharps." 
 
 "Oh, he don t eh?" Billings snorted contemptu-
 
 i 5 4 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 ously. "Well, Jenkins, I haven t been a prize fisher 
 man in my time for nothing ; I gtiess I know how to 
 select my fly. I know what will fetch him : Mr, 
 Lightnut s compliments, and will he be pleased to 
 honor him by passing upon an Oriental curio of rare 
 scientific interest? that sort of merry rot! Why, 
 you couldn t hold him back with a block and tackle. 
 Oh, you needn t worry; I ll do the proper curves 
 all right." He turned toward the door. "And, Jen 
 kins, you come along and work me into the lodge." 
 
 "Oh, but dash it," I protested nervously, "he won t 
 come he ll be insulted. Why, he ll know as soon as 
 he sees you that you couldn t 
 
 I checked myself, recalling that the best thing 
 after his recent exhibition was to avoid every con 
 tradiction. And then, by Jove, I knew that if he 
 became ill and had to go to a hospital or somewhere, 
 it would be all off with his taking me up to Wolhurst 
 next day. 
 
 Billings grinned confidently. "Watch me bring 
 him down here," he said. 
 
 And by Jove, he did !
 
 CHAPTER XVII 
 
 THE PROFESSOR 
 
 T)ILLINGS ushered in the professor with a flour- 
 -L ishing introduction. 
 
 The great man never spoke, but gave me the end 
 of one finger, and devilish grudgingly at that. He 
 just came to anchor and stood there very straight 
 and stiff, ignoring the chairs thrust toward him from 
 every point. One hand was stuck in his stiff broad 
 cloth bosom, with elbow pointing outward, and his 
 great topheavy head reared above us impressively. 
 
 Billings rubbed his hands and bowed and smirked. 
 
 "Lovely weather we are having for summer, don t 
 you think, Professor? Jenkins, a chair for the pro 
 fessor." 
 
 He was already hedged in by chairs, but he re 
 mained standing. Dash it, he was staring hard at 
 me, his beady eyes boring like gimlets, don t you 
 know, and his little shriveled face all puckered up. 
 By Jove, but he looked sour ! Looked like he would 
 bite, or, as Billings said afterward, would like to, 
 if the human race wasn t poisonous. 
 
 "Wonderful stunt, science, isn t it, Professor?" 
 gushed Billings, still rubbing his hands and grinning 
 
 155
 
 156 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 like a wild what s-its-name. "Tracing the orbits of 
 the shooting stars or measuring the animals in the 
 tiny sewer drop. H m! Fascinating pursuit! And 
 how marvelous it must be to be able to classify in 
 stantly any specimen of man s or nature s handi 
 work to a call the turn, so to speak right off 
 the bat, as it were. H m ! We have here to-night - 
 er " 
 
 With his hand upon the pajamas, Billings paused, 
 for the professor paid no attention did not even 
 turn round, in fact. He just stood there staring 
 at me. Billings coughed suggestively. 
 
 "H m ! As I was saying, we have with us to-night 
 a specimen," he resumed a little louder, "I may say 
 an example of something that, while apparently 
 commonplace and prosaic, is really a rare and 
 unique 
 
 "Ha specimen genus cypripedium," came in a 
 squeaky bark from the professor as he held me in 
 his eye. "Linnaeus, 1753. Ha! Species acaide 
 proper habitat, bogs. Very common very common, 
 indeed." 
 
 He batted at me sourly and seemed disappointed. 
 
 -By Jove, I never felt so devilish mortified in all 
 
 my life! Never! I nearly dropped my monocle and 
 
 felt myself getting jolly red about the ears. This 
 
 only seemed to make it worse. 
 
 "Ha labellum somewhat pinker purple than nor 
 mal," he proceeded. "H m! Unusually fresh speci 
 men."
 
 THE PROFESSOR 157 
 
 I looked appealingly at Billings. "Oh, I say, you 
 know !" I exclaimed in dismay. 
 
 Billings had been standing with his mouth agape, 
 but now he made a stride forward and touched the 
 professor on the arm. 
 
 "That s Mr. Lightnut, Professor," he said blandly. 
 "That s not the specimen. H m! Slight mistake." 
 
 Slowly the professor s big head turned on its axis 
 and his little eyes blinked at Billings nastily. 
 
 "I was referring to the orchid in the gentleman s 
 coat," he observed quietly, and turned back to me. 
 
 "Of course! Of course!" stammered Billings with 
 eagerness. "My mistake one on me. Stung!" his 
 lips pantomimed to me. 
 
 I addressed the professor hospitably : "Ah ! won t 
 you sit down, Professor?" 
 
 He drew back, frowning. "Sit down, sir?" he 
 questioned. And, by Jove, by this time he showed 
 his teeth. And devilish white, even teeth they were, 
 too, only they didn t fit. 
 
 "I never sit down, sir," he said stiffly ; "never !" 
 
 "By Jove !" I explained. 
 
 "To be sure!" ejaculated Billings, looking ex 
 tremely silly. 
 
 The professor appeared not ungratified with the 
 sensation he had produced and condescended to 
 smile; that is, if you can call a creasing and wrin 
 kling like the cracked end of a hard-boiled egg a 
 smile. 
 
 "You say, sit down, sir," he said, addressing me.
 
 158 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 "I ask you, in turn : Is not sitting down recrudes 
 cence back to the primordial ?" 
 
 So saying, he took a pinch at my shirt front and 
 stepped back again impressively. Still addressing 
 me, he continued : 
 
 "It is such thoughtless indulgence of muscles 
 growing obsolescent that retards the evolution of 
 our species, a species, sir, which I claim is coessen- 
 tial in fundamental attributes with contemporaneous 
 amphibia. Ha! I surprise you, perhaps? Can you 
 note in me a resemblance to a batrachian?" 
 
 I didn t know. And, dash it, I was afraid to 
 chance it. Tried my jolly best to think what a 
 batrachian was. It came to me like a flash that it 
 sounded like something in Italy. 
 
 "By Jove, you do, though, awfully!" I exclaimed, 
 trying to brighten up over it. "Doesn t he, Billings ? 
 Noticed a resemblance right off, don t you know." 
 
 Billings went to nodding with an air of pleased 
 surprise. Dash me if I believed he knew what a 
 batrachian was, though, any more than I did. But 
 Billings never admits anything. 
 
 "Sure," he said glibly. "I was half suspecting it; 
 why, look at the skin, you know and features !" 
 
 "By Jove, yes!" I said, feeling encouraged. 
 "Head, mouth, nose, eyes and I was going to 
 say "hair," but I remembered in time about the wig. 
 
 The professor looked awfully pleased. He gave 
 me a finger again.
 
 THE PROFESSOR 159 
 
 "Such perspicacity ah is rare in one who looks 
 so" 
 
 He coughed slightly, then resumed : 
 
 "How gratifying, indeed, to meet another investi 
 gator! A student in zootomy, no doubt? Ah! Do 
 not deny it ; I divined it at once. A delightful recrea 
 tion, sir a game, absorbing but elusive." 
 
 "Awfully jolly, you know," I agreed. "Ripping, 
 I say!" 
 
 "Surest thing you know," chirped Billings. I won 
 dered if it was anything like polo. 
 
 And then, by Jove, thinking of polo sent me off 
 again thinking of Frances. Not that she was like 
 polo, dash it, but I wished she could see me play. 
 
 The professor took another pinch from my shirt 
 front and favored me with a .rusty smile. 
 
 "Ah !" he said : "You must take time to look into 
 a little monograph of mine : Man in Miniature; a 
 Study of the Anthropology of the Frog. You re 
 gard the frog, of course?" 
 
 "Oh, I say, yes fine, you know!" I answered, 
 rny mouth watering. By Jove! I thought of the 
 devilish good things they got up in season down at 
 the Cafe Grenouille. 
 
 "My dear sir!" The professor bowed to me. "I 
 can not express to you how gratifying to me this 
 meeting is. I must get a list of your societies and 
 degrees. So few appreciate the frog; so many, even 
 in the scientific world, deride my published claim
 
 160 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 that congenions with man is the rana mugiens ot 
 American bullfrog." 
 
 By Jove! they were certainly congenial with me, 
 all right. 
 
 "Awfully hard to swallow unless well done, don t 
 you know," I demurred thoughtfully. 
 
 "Truly incredible, sir!" 
 
 The professor took another pinch and held it in 
 front of him. 
 
 "But I have allowed for that," he added, empha 
 sizing with his other hand. "My frog brochure meets 
 that difficulty and whets the appetite of the most 
 mediocre." 
 
 "By Jove, Billings!" I exclaimed eagerly, "w$ 
 must tell Marchand about it over at the club." 1 
 was so devilish tired of his eternal sauce delicieuse, 
 his sauce aigre, his sauce ecossaise and the rest, don K 
 you know. 
 
 The professor inclined his head gravely. 
 
 "Ha, French ! Then Monsieur Marchand has done 
 something with the frog, has he?" he questioned. 
 
 "Twenty-nine different stunts," Billings replied 
 proudly. "I know because I m on the House Com 
 mittee. Yes, sir, frogs are his specialty; that man 
 can get more out of a frog than any other living- 
 man." 
 
 The professor looked a little nettled. 
 
 "Oh, indeed !" he said rather coldly. 
 
 "I tell you, Professor, he s got em all skinned!" 
 Billings enthused.
 
 THE PROFESSOR 161 
 
 The remark provoked a contemptuous sniff. 
 
 "Undoubtedly, that being the proper condition 
 preliminary to comparative anatomical study," said 
 the professor loftily. "Then the physical resem 
 blance to a man becomes startling. I have identified 
 every analogy with man except the beautiful phe 
 nomenon of the beating of the frog heart twenty- 
 four hours after separation from the body the liv 
 ing body, sir. Experiment upon the living human 
 specimen is necessary for confirmation of the ho 
 mologous structure of the two hearts, however. This 
 I have not done not yet." 
 
 He spoke gloomily. I looked at Billings blankly 
 but I found Billings was looking at me the same 
 way. 
 
 Every once in a while he had been lifting the 
 pajamas. He would cough and open his mouth, but 
 just then the professor would start off again. Once 
 Billings, with an awfully savage expression, shook 
 his fist at our visitor s back and danced up and down 
 upon the rug. 
 
 "The indifference, not to say prejudice, of the 
 public upon the matter of human vivisection is heart 
 rending," went on the professor sadly. "Sir, I have 
 advertised in the help wanted columns of the daily 
 press, and have interviewed scores without arousing 
 one spark of ambition or awakening one thrill of 
 gratitude over the opportunity offered to assist me 
 in the investigation of scientific phenomena. I 
 pleaded, sir ; I reproached ; I even showed them the
 
 162 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 demonstration upon the frog. Did I move them? 
 Were they affected, do you think?" 
 
 I shook my head sympathetically. Seemed the 
 safe thing to do. 
 
 "A lot of pikers, by George!" said Billings with 
 an air of indignation. "Must have been shameless!" 
 
 "Deuced indifferent," I ventured. "I should have 
 been regularly cut up." 
 
 "Ah! of course you would," cried the professor, 
 lifting another pinch. "There speaks the intelligent 
 devotee of science! But did they see it that way? 
 Not at all, sir; they were only indifferent and un 
 grateful they were rude and ah boisterous! 
 One savage primate assaulted me with his bare 
 knuckles. A blow, gentlemen, a blow from the 
 boasted family of anthropina!" 
 
 "Beastly outrage, Professor," growled Billings. 
 "Leave it to me ; I know a chap who s got a pull with 
 the police commissioner, and I ll just tip him off, 
 by George. It s no matter what family they are or 
 how much they boasted. It ll be the hurry wagon 
 and the cooler for them, eh, Dicky ?" 
 
 He gestured to me wildly, nodding his head like 
 a man with the what s-it-name dance. 
 
 "Deuced good idea. Awful rotters, I say," was 
 my comment. 
 
 The professor seemed affected by our sympathy. 
 He withdrew from his pocket a folded handker 
 chief, slowly opened it and pressed it lightly to each 
 eye. Then he carefully refolded and replaced it.
 
 THE PROFESSOR 163 
 
 "Strange thing, the persistence of the primitive 
 emotions," he said, sniffing thoughtfully. "Singular 
 how they affect the lachrymal apparati. Peculiarly 
 disagreeable taste, gentlemen, that of tears, despite 
 their simple elementary composition ninety-nine 
 and six-tenths per cent, water, you remember, and 
 the rest a modicum of chloride of sodium, mucus, 
 soda and phosphates. H m! Your pardon, gentle 
 men, for this digression, but to have sustained a stab 
 under this very roof from genus homo! It is in 
 deed hard." 
 
 Here Jenkins, who had been lingering and busy 
 ing himself about the apartment, whispered to me 
 from behind : 
 
 "It s that dago, sir, that delivers fruit every day." 
 
 "Eh?" 
 
 "That s the name. I see him going back every 
 morning." 
 
 Jenkins moved off, nodding mysteriously, as I 
 stared at him through my glass. In his way, Billings 
 was speaking words of comfort and all that sort of 
 thing to the professor. 
 
 "Never mind; the law will get em for you," he 
 reassured him. 
 
 "Ah! that s just where you are in error," sighed 
 our guest. "The law, sir, will not get a single sub 
 ject for me. In this age of unrestrained liberty of all 
 classes, the law lends no aid whatever to science. It 
 is not as it was in the glorious past when, under im 
 perial patronage, Vesalius, the great father of anat-
 
 1 64 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 omy, was protected when by mistake his scalpel cut 
 the living heart of a Spanish grandee. Times worth 
 while, gentlemen, those great days of supreme im-> 
 perialism! Ah! there was no lack of material avail 
 able if one stood in a little at court; one had only to 
 designate a selection and the thing was done. Gra 
 cious, gentle times, my friends ! Gone, alas, for 
 ever ! Such opportunities are impossible under a re 
 public." 
 
 The professor shook his head and reached for his 
 handkerchief again. But this time he only blew his 
 nose. 
 
 "Tempora mutantur," he murmured regretfully, 
 "Eh, gentlemen?" 
 
 "True," said Billings, pursing his lips. "Ah, how 
 true!" 
 
 "By Jove, ought to be something done, you know," 
 I declared. 
 
 "Out of millions, not a single human specimen 
 available," groaned the professor dismally. "And 
 my instruments ready for over a year." 
 
 "Cheer up, sir; you ll have a go yet," Billings en-, 
 couraged. 
 
 "Ah!" The professor s little eyes swept Billings 
 person critically. "Perhaps you, sir, would like the 
 privilege " 
 
 Billings staggered back a step or two precipitately. 
 
 "Delighted; nothing d give me greater pleasure, 
 but so infernally busy," he explained hurriedly, 
 "Just my confounded luck; unfortunately, got to go
 
 THE PROFESSOR 165 
 
 to Egypt right away probably to-morrow morn- 
 ing." 
 
 The professor sighed again in his disappointment. 
 
 "No matter; I shall find some one in time," he 
 said grimly. "But I shall abandon this foolish per 
 suasion and cajolery as unworthy of the scientist. 
 Do we lower ourselves with such devices in securing 
 a butterfly or a grasshopper or a frog or any animate 
 specimen except man? Certainly not; we capture 
 .ind etherize them." 
 
 He glanced about the room and beckoned us with 
 fais finger. 
 
 "I have lately had my eye upon the gas man," he 
 aid in a low tone. He closed one eye impressively. 
 
 "Ah!" said Billings, his mouth dropping open 
 wide. 
 
 "The individual who comes at intervals to take the 
 .quarters from the slot meter. H m, fine subject, gen- 
 demen !" 
 
 "Great!" agreed Billings. 
 
 "Ripping idea," I tried as a reply. 
 
 The professor clasped his fingers tightly and 
 rubbed his thumbs one over the other. He bright 
 ened visibly. 
 
 "The party has to go down upon his knees and 
 stoop behind the end of the tub in the bath-room," 
 he continued. "It was my thought that while in that 
 advantageous position the sudden, quick application 
 of a Turkish bath towel saturated in ether would 
 Eh? Do you follow me?"
 
 1 66 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 "Devilish clever, you know," I said. I had already 
 selected this for reply for this time. 
 
 Billings failed to come up. He just stared hard, 
 rolled his eyes and ran his finger around under his 
 collar. 
 
 The professor, in the act of taking another pinch 
 from my shirt front, paused with a little jerk. Then 
 his great head shot forward in front of his rigid 
 neck so suddenly, by Jove, that I reached out to 
 try to catch it, don t you know. He made just two 
 strides to the table, ten feet away, and pounced 
 upon the pajamas with obviously trembling hands. 
 
 And behind his back Billings relapsed into an 
 arm-chair and fanned himself with a magazine. 
 
 His head dropped back, and upon his fat face 
 was a what-you-call-it smile of peace. He closed 
 his eyes for an instant. 
 
 "Suffering Thomas cats! At last!" I heard him 
 murmur.
 
 CHAPTER XVIII 
 
 I RECEIVE A SHOCK 
 
 " I ^HE professor fumblingly sought through his 
 -* pockets, and producing a pair of spectacles with 
 phenomenally large lenses, adjusted them shakily. 
 
 He bent over the pajamas eagerly. 
 
 "Impossible! And yet, it is, it is!" he muttered. 
 "I would know the weave among a thousand. It is 
 hers undoubtedly, undoubtedly the lost silk of Si- 
 Ling-Chi ! How comes it here?" 
 
 He glared around rather wildly at each of us in 
 turn. Without waiting for a reply, he whisked back 
 to the pajamas, and fishing out a thick magnifying 
 tens, scrutinized the garments closely. It seemed 
 that he would certainly nod his big head off its jolly 
 hinge ; and his quick side glances at Billings and my 
 self, together with his growling and muttering, just 
 reminded me of a dog with a bone, by Jove ! 
 
 I stared at Billings and Billings stared at me, and 
 then he slipped over to the divan upon which I 
 dropped, completely exhausted, dash it, from stand 
 ing so long. 
 
 "Whose did he say?" he whispered. 
 
 "Celia something," I answered. "Dash it, I didn t 
 167
 
 168 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 catch her surname. Oh, I say, you know, this is 
 awful!" 
 
 I felt devilish mortified. Wondered what Frances 
 might think, you know. Billings drew in his lips 
 and wagged his head ominously. He waved me 
 nearer. 
 
 "He s on," he breathed behind his hand; "he s 
 looking for her laundry mark. Now, wouldn t that 
 f eaze you ?" 
 
 An exclamation of triumph from the professor, 
 another glance at us, and a hoarser and more pro 
 longed mutter. I shifted uneasily. By Jove, I didn t 
 like it at all ! 
 
 Billings lookeu at me in consternation. "I 
 wouldn t be in your shoes, Dicky," he whispered. 
 "You ll be pinched for this, sure." 
 
 "Oh, I say, now ! I tell you, a friend in China " 
 
 Billings shrugged impatiently. "Just a plant, you 
 chowder head," he said, viewing me pityingly. "I 
 tell you that s how all these blackmailing schemes 
 are worked. You ought to be more careful." 
 
 "But, dash it, I don t even know her, this Celia 
 what s-her-name," I protested miserably. If Fran 
 ces brother thought that way, what would slie 
 think? 
 
 "Urn! Maybe you don t, but they ll expect you 
 to say that, anyhow. You re up against it, old chap ; 
 the professor here evidently knows her and he knows 
 her pajamas relative, probably." 
 
 By Jove, I felt a little faint !
 
 I RECEIVE A SHOCK 169 
 
 "It will be all over New York to-morrow," con 
 tinued Billings gloomily. "Your picture and hers 
 will be in the extras." 
 
 Out of the professor s mutterings we caught a 
 random sentence. 
 
 "Found, found again," we heard him say. "Hers 
 beyond peradventure of a doubt. I am not mis 
 taken." 
 
 Billings rose, and his beckoning ringer summoned 
 me to a corner of the room. 
 
 "This is going to cost you a pot of money, Dicky," 
 he said with a serious air, "to say nothing of the 
 scandal. My advice is, try buying him off best 
 thing in the long run. I ll feel him for you." 
 
 Nodding solemnly to me he cleared his voice. 
 "H m! I say, Professor." 
 
 The professor, with his eye glued to the lens and 
 the lens to the silk, turned slowly about. 
 
 "H m!" began Billings. "The h m articles you 
 have there you recognize where they are from 
 eh?" 
 
 "Of course," he snapped, without looking up. 
 
 "H m ! And whose did I understand you to say 
 I er did not catch her name." 
 
 His glance uplifted and scoured us sourly. 
 
 "Si-Ling-Chi. Did you think I did not know? I 
 recognized at sight her wonderful disappearing 
 weave." He bent again with his lens. "Marvelous, 
 indeed, after all these years," he muttered. "So long, 
 so long! Incredible preservation!"
 
 1 7 o THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 Billings placed his finger against his nose, rolled 
 his eyes upward and emitted the faintest of whistles. 
 He caught my arm sharply. 
 
 "Say, how old are you, Dicky?" he whispered ex 
 citedly. 
 
 "I er twenty-seven, I think, old chap," I re 
 plied hesitatingly. 
 
 Billings noiselessly slapped his leg. His face 
 brightened. 
 
 "Been of age six years," he calculated to himself. 
 "By George, maybe you can prove an alibi!" 
 
 He coughed again at the absorbed figure stooping 
 over the table. 
 
 "Ah, Professor h m how long now would you 
 say it might be since well, she you mention how 
 long a time since she last saw er what you have 
 there eh ?" 
 
 "How long?" repeated the professor absently. 
 Then he moved, but his hand only, and he flipped it, 
 don t you know, as one does to banish a fly or a 
 dashed mosquito that sort of thing, by Jove ! 
 
 "Can t you figure it out yourself?" he questioned 
 irritably. "You remember chronology gives Hwang- 
 Si s reign as in the twenty-sixth century before 
 Christ; and of course, that of Si-Ling-Chi, his em 
 press, would be the same." 
 
 Billings subsided limply into a chair. 
 
 "Great Thomas cats !" he gasped weakly. 
 
 "I think I divine the astute purpose of your in 
 quiry," said the professor, pausing to polish his
 
 I RECEIVE A SHOCK 171 
 
 glasses and favoring us with a wintry smile. "It 
 does not deceive me. You have in mind, sir, the er 
 roneous chronology that places Si-Ling-Chi thirteen 
 centuries earlier. Ha! Is not my suspicion correct?" 
 
 "Regular bull s-eye!" responded Billings. "I 
 mean," he added hastily, "what s the use of deny 
 ing it?" 
 
 "Twenty-six centuries before the Christian era is 
 the best we can give Si-Ling-Chi," said the pro 
 fessor, carefully affixing his glasses and falling once 
 more upon the pajamas. 
 
 "By Jove !" I said dazedly. "Then the lady er 
 I mean the party she s rather far back er isn t 
 she, don t you know?" 
 
 The professor answered abstractedly: 
 
 "Two thousand years before Confucius; twenty- 
 four hundred and twenty-nine years before the 
 building of the Great Wall," he murmured mechan 
 ically. 
 
 Jove, but I was relieved! I looked inquiringly at 
 Billings. He just sat there kind of drooping, and 
 shook his head. "I m all in," he motioned with his 
 lips ; and he wiped his forehead. 
 
 "Ah, gentlemen!" exclaimed the professor, com 
 ing back again, "what a thing this little Chinese 
 woman did for civilization when she gave the world 
 silk culture and invented the loom ! No wonder the 
 Chinese deified her as a goddess." 
 
 "Goddess!" Billings swallowed hard. "And did 
 these h m garments belong to the lady?"
 
 172 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 The professor frowned at him in surprise. 
 ments ?" 
 
 "Them," said Billings in devilish questionable 
 grammar, pointing to the table. "They are pajamas, 
 you know." 
 
 "Ha!" ejaculated the professor, holding them up. 
 "So they are. You are very observing, sir, very. 
 Now, I had not noticed that at all; I was so inter 
 ested in the material itself the wonderful silk of 
 Si-Ling-Chi, gentlemen. Ha! Indeed a rare privi 
 lege!" 
 
 By Jove ! He stroked the stuff lightly, tenderly 
 as one likes to do a little child s hair, don t you know. 
 
 "Beautiful, beautiful fabric," he sighed half to 
 himself. "Only once before have I seen a piece of it 
 but it was enough; I could never, never forget." 
 Something like a groan escaped him. 
 
 Billings angled his head toward me and tightly 
 compressed one eye. 
 
 "H m ! Something in the petticoat line eh, Pro 
 fessor ?" 
 
 The professor s face wrinkled with the most mat 
 ter-of-fact surprise. 
 
 "Petticoat?" he piped querulously. "You are for 
 getting that the petticoat is a vestment unknown in 
 China." 
 
 "Oh, in China! I was thinking of Paree," 
 chuckled Billings, with a gay air and another glance 
 at me. Then his nerve withered under the profes 
 sor s blank stare, and he added hurriedly :
 
 I RECEIVE A SHOCK 173 
 
 "H m! So it was in China you saw the other 
 piece of silk ?" 
 
 The professor sighed profoundly. His reply came 
 dreamily, regretfully: 
 
 "In the Purple Forbidden City; but I was not 
 quick enough." 
 
 "Not quick enough?" Billings echo was solicit 
 ous, sympathetic. 
 
 "It was among the palace treasures, the imperial 
 properties things unhappily lost to the world and 
 civilization. Ah, gentlemen, I erred; I committed a 
 fatal mistake; it has been a matter of deep mortifi 
 cation to me often !" His head wagged somberly. 
 
 Billings looked a little embarrassed and rubbed 
 his chin. "H m!" he coughed. "I guess we all slip a 
 cog now and then. I know I ve done things myself 
 I ve been rather ash : 
 
 "I erred, gentlemen," went on the professor, "in 
 trusting most unscientifically to the false principle 
 that the hand is quicker than the eye. It is not true, 
 for one of the guards saw me and my carelessness 
 cost me dearly: I not only lost the silk, but a sin 
 gularly beautiful gold thread altar cloth and a 
 matchless amulet of yu-chi fade, you know white 
 jade, at thai, gentlemen, I assure you a rare bit of 
 carving of the second century real Khoton jade, 
 too no base fei-tsui. But, alas! I lost them, my 
 friends; they confiscated them, and no doubt they 
 are still there in their original places from which I 
 had a attached them. Do you wonder at my mor-
 
 i 7 4 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 tification ? And then the sacrifice of a whole year of 
 planning, watching, bribing and perfecting of pre 
 liminary disguise ! All fruitless, fruitless!" 
 
 The* professor lifted and dropped his palms in 
 eloquent deprecation. 
 
 Billings foot pressed mine. "Now, wouldn t that 
 frost you?" he whispered under his breath. Aloud 
 he exclaimed indignantly : 
 
 "Beastly outrage ; it must have been painful." 
 
 The professor started in the act of lifting the paja 
 mas again. 
 
 "Pain? I did not speak of the physical conse 
 quences. They were too terrible to discuss. I 
 
 The pajamas dropped from his hands and his eyes 
 took on that somewhere-else, far-off look, don t 
 you know. 
 
 "Sort of third degree work, Professor?" Bill 
 ings prodded him. 
 
 The professor did not reply. His long, slim fin 
 gers swept his forehead for an instant and he looked 
 away again, his little eyes dilated. Somehow it made 
 one feel devilish uncomfortable, dash it ! 
 
 Billings cocked his eye at me and lifted his shoul 
 ders in a shrug. Then he deliberately kicked at the 
 tabouret and sent its brass fixture set clattering 
 noisily across the room. 
 
 The professor shivered, compressed his lips and 
 blinked at us. 
 
 "Your pardon, gentlemen," he observed in some 
 confusion. "Some one was asking me "
 
 I RECEIVE A SHOCK 175 
 
 "What they did to you when you lift I mean 
 when you lost the er loot." 
 
 He stared, shivered again and returned to the 
 pajamas, muttering an almost inaudible reply. 
 
 We caught a word or two : "Long imprisonment 
 much physical pain unspeakable things do not 
 like to think of it I " 
 
 His eyes closed. He folded his long, thin arms 
 shudderingly. Billings and I sat very still. The pro 
 fessor s voice came as from far away : 
 
 "I could tell you of some experiences in China 
 and in Tibet," he murmured. "Perhaps I some 
 other time such horrible details, I " 
 
 He leaned heavily upon the table with both hands. 
 His head dropped forward an instant. 
 
 "No matter now," he muttered. "It was long, 
 long ago!"
 
 CHAPTER XIX 
 
 THE SPELL OF THE PAJAMAS 
 
 EORGE!" breathed Billings, breaking a curi- 
 ous, tense silence. 
 
 The professor suddenly faced us, holding up the 
 pajamas with a gesture of inquiry. 
 
 "From a friend of Mr. Lightnut s in China," Bill 
 ings explained. 
 
 Aside, he whispered hurriedly : "Don t say a word 
 about the rubies! You heard him murder, grandt 
 larceny or arson it s all one to the old gazabe! 
 Anybody can see that. He doesn t let little things 
 like those stand in the way of getting what he 
 wants!" He frowned warningly. 
 
 "H m! In the neck, Professor I mean inside the 
 collar," he said, approaching the table "there s 
 some kind of freak lettering. Looks foolish to me." 
 
 The professor looked perplexed. 
 
 "I mean, looks like it was done by some one who 
 was batty had wheels, you know; probably some 
 chink whose biscuit was drifty," floundered Billings. 
 "You understand !" 
 
 The professor didn t. I knew that jolly well by 
 the way he cocked his head on one side, standing 
 like a puzzled crow, don t you know. 
 
 176
 
 THE SPELL OF THE PAJAMAS 177 
 
 "Ha! I fear I do not as I should," he said with 
 an apologetic cough. "Perhaps I do not intelligently 
 and logically follow your deductions because your 
 premises are inscrutable until I have seen the letter 
 ing. Ah!" 
 
 Out came glasses and lens again and he bent over 
 the collar eagerly. 
 
 "H m! The Hwuy i, or ideographic characters, 
 rather than the ideophonetic!" He looked up at 
 Billings and myself inquiringly. "Ha! I trust we 
 start together in accord upon that conclusion, eh, 
 gentlemen ?" 
 
 Billings nodded emphatically. 
 
 "Surest thing you know," he declared firmly, and 
 whispered to me triumphantly. "Didn t I tell him it 
 was idiotic?" 
 
 The professor s lips moved rapidly and his visage 
 twisted into a horrible frown. 
 
 "Why, why a what!" With mouth open, and 
 gripping the pajamas tightly, he glared at us each 
 in turn. 
 
 "Oh, impossible!" he rasped harshly, seizing the 
 lens and bending again. "Incredible poof ab 
 surd tut, tut, what nonsense !" 
 
 The glass swept the lines rapidly. Suddenly, with 
 a cry, the professor dropped the lens, a violent start 
 almost lifting him from the floor. 
 
 "Papauhegopoulos!" he cried explosively, and 
 whirled on us again. 
 
 Dash me, if I didn t fall back a step, his eyes
 
 i;8 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 rolled so wildly. But Billings stood his ground, by 
 Jove! 
 
 "I didn t quite catch " he began hesitatingly, 
 angling his bristly red head forward and smiling 
 pleasantly. 
 
 The professor seemed abashed of a sudden. 
 
 "H m ! Your pardon, gentlemen ! Merely an ex 
 pletive h m a Greek word I indulge in sometimes 
 when when excited; a weakness, I might say. 
 H m!" He seized his lens again. 
 
 Billings eyes yielded admiration. 
 
 "Great Scott, Dicky!" he whispered in my ear. 
 "See what a thing education is! Think of being 
 able to swear in Greek in Greek, Dicky !" Billings 
 voice expressed awe. "Why, he s got an Erie Canal 
 skipper backed clear off the board, and if he wanted 
 to turn loose, I ll bet he could make a certain rail 
 way president I know look like a two-spot !" 
 
 At this point the professor struck his fist angrily 
 upon the pajamas. The face that he turned was 
 unnaturally flushed and his chin quivered excitedly. 
 
 "Ridiculous, I say ! Poof !" He snapped his 
 fingers. "Necromancy and thaumaturgy trans 
 mitted in pajamas! Absurd!" 
 
 "PifHe!" said Billings emphatically. "Don t 
 know what they are," he whispered to me, "but I ll 
 take a hund red-to-one shot on anything he says. 
 The professor s a corker !" 
 
 "By Jove!" I remarked. "Perhaps Professor 
 Huckleberry won t mind telling us
 
 THE SPELL OF THE PAJAMAS 179 
 
 "What I think, gentlemen? What could I think 
 but what I am sure is your own conclusion though 
 you have generously and considerately left me to 
 form my own opinion namely, that the claim of 
 supernatural attributes of these garments is pre 
 posterous. Enchanted pajamas ! Haunted pa 
 jamas! Poof! Nursery lore; children s fairy tales! 
 Ghosts, gentlemen? Tut, tut nonsense!" 
 
 He snorted indignantly. 
 
 "Ghosts !" faltered Billings. 
 
 "Oh, I say !" I rather gasped. Dash me if it 
 didn t give me a turn, rather ! 
 
 The professor shrugged his shoulders. 
 
 "What other interpretation is admissible, gentle 
 men?" he questioned somewhat peevishly, taking 
 up the crvit. "Here we have the royal insignia of 
 the cruel emperor, Kee, and we note that these gar 
 ments were given some one in his court by the al 
 leged soiT.erer, Fuh-keen. Perhaps it was revenge 
 perhaps some court plot in which Fuh-keen, for rea 
 sons of h?.s own, was an active participant ; it is of 
 no importance, that part of it. So much for the 
 first line ; but now we come 
 
 He paused to polish his spectacles. 
 
 "Tell me," he said more cheerfully, "do our free 
 translations of the ideographs so far agree in essen 
 tialseh?" 
 
 "Like as two peas !" Billings declared with mani 
 fest enthusiasm. 
 
 The professor looked gratified and bowed.
 
 i8o THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 "Of course, the rendition is entirely a free one," 
 he remarked. "You must not expect too much." 
 
 "Devilish handsome and clever of him !" I whis 
 pered to Billings, as the professor proceeded to ad 
 just his spectacles. "Dash it, I wish he d let me pay 
 him, though." 
 
 "Forget it !" hissed Billings. "Didn t he just say 
 it was free? He s no cheap skate, I tell you." 
 
 The professor resumed : 
 
 "Now we come to the second line, or, more 
 strictly speaking, column," he said, straightening 
 impressively. "Here we find the astonishing claim 
 made that there will be a change or metamorphosis 
 of any kind of animal life that these habiliments en 
 shroud. Urn!" 
 
 The great man breathed heavily and batted at us 
 over his glasses. 
 
 "Credat Jud&us apella eh, gentlemen?" And he 
 winked knowingly. Dashed if he didn t almost 
 catch me swallowing a yawn, too! For I hadn t 
 any idea what he was talking about or driving at, 
 and, by Jove, I did know I was getting devilish 
 sleepy. 
 
 The professor waved his glasses. "Did you ever- 
 read such a childish, ridiculous, extravagant as 
 severation ?" he demanded. 
 
 "Ass eh ? I should say so !" I worked this off 
 indignantly. 
 
 "Tommyrot!" murmured Billings absently. He 
 seemed thoughtful.
 
 THE SPELL OF THE PAJAMAS 181 
 
 I was thoughtful, too wondering, by Jove, 
 whether the professor would go soon, so we could 
 turn in and get the earlier start to-morrow up the 
 river. But chiefly I was wondering wistfully if 
 Frances would still be angry with me. 
 
 "Moreover," broke in the professor s voice as he 
 turned again to the lettering, "to assert further that 
 there will be a semblance not actual, gentlemen, 
 mind you, but an optical illusion taking the form 
 of some creature of the same kind that this silken 
 tenement has previously inclosed. 
 
 "In other words, gentlemen, if I were to don these 
 garments, I might no longer look like myself, but 
 J.ike some one else who had worn them upon some 
 previous occasion perhaps last night perhaps a 
 thousand years ago. Eh ? Is that what you under 
 stand?" 
 
 He ducked again over the letters and came up, 
 looking chagrined. 
 
 "Moreover, I am forced to confess, gentlemen, 
 that I fail to find a system any rule governing 
 these ridiculous transformations. The hypothesis is, 
 therefore, that the alleged materializations merely 
 follow the arbitrary caprice of the magic." He 
 shook his head. "Well, gentlemen, I really, I must 
 .laugh !" 
 
 And he did! I hadn t caught the drift of what 
 it was he thought he was laughing at I got the 
 words, but I was too dashed sleepy to get the sense. 
 But I was awfully glad I understood this much
 
 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 that what he was attempting now was a laugh. I 
 never would have known it. It was more like a 
 shrieking squeak rusty hinge, you know, that sort 
 of thing. 
 
 "First-time-I ve-laughed-in-twenty-years !" His 
 shrill cackle ran a treble scale that ended in high C. 
 "I know you you won t believe it!" 
 
 "Believe it?" said Billings drily, "I d bet a purse 
 on it." He whispered to me : "Don t need any af 
 fidavit ; it shows. Sounds like a country wagon on 
 a down grade, brake on, and shrieking like a ban 
 shee." 
 
 Behind me the door opened slightly. I turned to 
 see Jenkins, looking devilish chalky and a little 
 wild-eyed. He lifted a coil of stout sash cord ques- 
 tioningly, 
 
 "Eh? Why, no!" I whispered through the open 
 ing. "He s just laughing. Don t be a jolly ass!" 
 And I closed the door sharply. 
 
 The professor looked up from the pajamas, and 
 folding his arms, eyed Billings with a cunning leer. 
 
 "I think I see," he said, leveling his finger. "You 
 have both demonstrated how nonsensical is the as 
 sertion in this inscription. Doubtless you desire an 
 experiment upon my part to confirm your proof of 
 its absurdity. Reductio ad absurdum eh, gentle 
 men?" 
 
 Billings looked at me, but I couldn t help him. 
 Why, dash it, I didn t even know yet what the in 
 scription was. And, by Jove, I didn t know what
 
 THE SPELL OF THE PAJAMAS 183 
 
 experiments he wanted to try with the pajamas, but 
 I didn t care. He could boil them, if he wanted to, 
 if he would only let us get to bed. 
 
 So at random I just nodded eagerly. 
 
 "Excellent!" The professor s chuckle sounded 
 like dice rattling in a metal box. "An excellent jest 
 upon this fellow, Fuh-keen, to furnish a demonstra 
 tion by twentieth-century scientists of the presump 
 tion of his claims of necromancy and thaumaturgy. 
 You have done so now I will do so, in turn. Eh, 
 gentlemen ?" 
 
 I hadn t the ghost of an idea what he was talking 
 about. Fact is, I was thinking of my darling and 
 wondering if she was asleep. By Jove, I wished 
 that 7 was ! 
 
 But a devilish queer look had come into Billings 
 face. He nodded, gathered the pajamas into the 
 professor s arms and patted him on the shoulder in 
 a way I thought offensively familiar. 
 
 "You ve got it, Professor!" he said, grinning. 
 
 Then he whispered to me aside : 
 
 "Not a word, Dicky great Scott!" But he 
 needn t have said that, even if I had been mind- 
 reader enough to guess what word he meant. It was 
 about all I could do to get out a last word to the 
 professor as he went out the door: 
 
 " Night!"
 
 CHAPTER XX 
 
 BILLINGS RAMBLES 
 
 TEN minutes later I was almost wide awake, for 
 Billings was talking over long distance and to 
 her! 
 
 But I did not like the way he did it. 
 
 "Shut up, Francis!" he bellowed. "Now you 
 listen to what I m telling you and do just as I tell 
 you to, too if you don t, I ll mash your face when 
 I come up there! You hear?" 
 
 And he swore at her yes, by Jove, swore! 
 
 "Oh, here I say now!" I remonstrated indig 
 nantly. 
 
 "It s all right, Dicky," and he waved his fat hand 
 indifferently as he hung up the receiver. "Francis 
 wants to drive that car down for us in the morn 
 ing Francis, now !" And his hands went out im 
 pressively. 
 
 And dash it, I was impressed I was delighted. 
 
 "By Jove!" I cried. "Fine!" For I knew by 
 that that she had forgiven me. 
 
 "Fine!" snorted Billings. "You don t know 
 what you re talking about ! Francis hasn t got sense 
 enough to get a road engine ten feet without smash 
 ing it, much less a car twenty-five miles." 
 
 184
 
 BILLINGS RAMBLES 185 
 
 "Oh, look here !" I growled protestingly, "I don t 
 like to hear you talking about er Frances that 
 way." 
 
 Billings grunted and bit a cigar savagely without 
 stopping to clip it. He pulled fiercely at it a mo 
 ment. 
 
 "Kind of you, old chap," he exclaimed, "but you 
 don t know our family as / do. If Francis has got 
 a headache now, I know that by morning " 
 
 "Headache ?" I cried in dismay. 
 
 He nodded. "So I understood over the phone 
 been getting at the governor s private stock, I d bet 
 all I ve got." He shook his head gloomily. "No, 
 sir ; that car cost five thousand, and when you can t 
 trust people sober, how are you going to trust them 
 drunk?" 
 
 I sighed as I remembered the half pint of whisky 
 she had taken but, dash it, I didn t care ! It some 
 how didn t seem to make any difference in my lov 
 ing her. The only thing important, really, in the 
 matter of the car was that she might hurt herself. 
 Billings didn t seem to think of that. And yet, by 
 Jove, she wanted to come ! She must! 
 
 "See here," I said coaxingly, for Billings seemed 
 to have gone off in a moody, brown study, "you 
 must remember, old chap, your sister has been 
 cooped up there in Radcliffe for months. Why not 
 let her have the run down to the city and back ? It 
 will do her good, you know."
 
 i86 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 "Of course," he said absently. "She s going to 
 drive the car down." 
 
 "Eh what say?" I was sure I had not heard 
 aright. 
 
 "I say she s going to bring the car down my 
 chauffeur s sick, it seems." 
 
 I didn t wonder at that, but I did wonder at his 
 sudden change. 
 
 "Then you re not afraid 
 
 "Afraid ? I should say not ! She can drive better 
 than I can better than anybody in Westchester 
 County!" 
 
 "I see I see !" I said in a low voice. And I d id 
 see, poor fellow ! By Jove, my spirits sank to zero. 
 
 "Yes, there s somebody you can always rely on !" 
 he enthused under his changing mood. "Good thing 
 in this blankety world there s somebody you can 
 rely on among women, I mean. There s a girl 
 with a purpose in life yes, sir! Never dances, 
 plays bridge, nor uses slang no, sir! And what s 
 more, in this cursed age, she s one woman who can 
 go through life and say she never touched a cigarette 
 or a cocktail." 
 
 "Of course of course!" I agreed soothingly. 
 By Jove, it was a devilish sight better to have him 
 talk this way about her. I wouldn t antagonize 
 anything he might say now. And I had turned his 
 mind just by a simple hint the power of sugges 
 tion, you know. Just as I had myself forgotten I 
 was sleepy.
 
 BILLINGS RAMBLES 187 
 
 "Of course, you never have met my sister, have 
 you?" he puffed. "I mean the one that s been up at 
 Radcliffe." 
 
 "Oh, never!" I said promptly. 
 
 "You will in the morning," said Billings, flicking 
 his ash. "Not much to look at I mean not what 
 you would call handsome 
 
 I interrupted. "Oh, but I say," I exclaimed un 
 guardedly, "how can you say that? I think she s 
 just beautiful." 
 
 "Eh ?" He stared so hard I was afraid I had got 
 his mind off again. "Thought you said you had 
 never met her." 
 
 "No, no, I never did," I stammered. . "Mistake, 
 you know." 
 
 He went on musingly: "But I understand that 
 her room-mate who has come home with her, by 
 the way is a peach. English girl, you know. They 
 tell me Francis is crazy about her beauty." 
 
 Dashed if I could see how she could be, for, by 
 Jove, I had seen her myself. It was the frump! 
 Peach ? She was a fright! 
 
 Here Billings eyes hung on the ceiling as though 
 he would bore through it. 
 
 "Say, do you know" he dropped his voice, still 
 looking up "I hope the old gazabe up there won t 
 get wise to those rubies. Awfully careless of us 
 forgot all about them. By George, I ve half a mind 
 to go up there and get the pajamas back." 
 
 "Oh, dash it, no!" I protested, for I was getting
 
 1 88 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 sleepy again. "It s the silk the old fellow was in 
 terested in; he wants to examine it try some ex 
 periments something. He ll never think of the 
 jolly rubies, you know." 
 
 Billings looked at me oddly. "That s so," he 
 agreed. "Still, I know I won t sleep, thinking about 
 those rubies." Then he looked up at the ceiling 
 again and muttered : "Wonder if the old boy will 
 have any visitors to-night?" 
 
 I yawned. I knew it wasn t likely not with 
 him! 
 
 Billings rose. "Well, I ll get along over to the 
 club, old chap. Now mind, the car will call for 
 you about nine. Then you are to pick me up that 
 is, unless I should come over here. And, oh, say, 
 Dicky!" He turned back from the door where Jen 
 kins waited with his hat and cane. "Speaking of 
 pajamas er what do you think of black ones 
 eh?" 
 
 By Jove, I got red could just feel it, you know ! 
 
 "Ever see a suit of black silk pajamas ?" Billings 
 chuckled. 
 
 Now for it! "I I never did," I managed to 
 get out. 
 
 "Never heard of any myself before," Billings 
 gurgled. "But great idea, don t you think? Good 
 thing, traveling Pullmans, hotels that sort of 
 thing eh? Just got them to-day ordered two 
 weeks ago."
 
 BILLINGS RAMBLES 189 
 
 By Jove, what a relief! I felt myself breathing 
 again. 
 
 "Wish you would stay," I said, for I felt uneasy 
 about him. 
 
 "Oh, no," carelessly ; "all my traps are over there, 
 you know." He smiled. "To say nothing of the 
 new pajamas." 
 
 Standing in the door, he looked upward again, 
 twirling his cane. His head shook dubiously. 
 
 "Could kick myself about those rubies," he grum 
 bled. "Just half a mind to go up there He 
 shrugged. "Oh, well, good night, old chap ; see you 
 in the morning." 
 
 I murmured some reply as I followed him with 
 out. Then I stood a moment looking down the 
 shaft after he had descended. 
 
 "Hope he ll be all right in the morning," I mused. 
 "And hope his infernal mood won t shift round 
 again as to Frances !"
 
 CHAPTER XXI 
 
 THE COLLAPSE OF BILLINGS 
 
 " A RE you sure, Mr. Lightnut?" 
 
 -** I stood, cap in hand, one foot on the sidewalk 
 before the Kahoka, the other on the running-board 
 of the car a big double-tonneau red whale sort of 
 affair. This was as far as I had been admitted to 
 the vehicle. 
 
 For the frump was sitting there behind the steer 
 ing wheel, looking down at me in a nasty, sidewise 
 fashion. Ever have them do you that way? Be 
 sides, I somehow felt that she had a feeling toward 
 me as a man, an unvoiced protest against my exist 
 ence at all. It found expression in her suspicious, 
 sniffy manner. Dash it, I just hated that woman 
 from the start ! I felt it was bad enough, her Eng 
 lish clumsiness in getting the introductions twisted 
 as I advanced to meet the car, but now I was of 
 half a mind that she had done it purposely. Could 
 see with half an eye that she was determined to 
 make trouble about yesterday. 
 
 "Haven t we met before, Mr. Lightnut?" she had 
 asked. 
 
 But it struck me that Frances glanced at me with 
 190
 
 THE COLLAPSE OF BILLINGS 191 
 
 a kind of wistful light in her lovely eyes, and I saw 
 that the game was to lie like a gentleman that sort 
 of thing, you know. And, by Jove, I was getting 
 kind of used to it now, anyhow I mean since I 
 had broken the ice last night. Not hard at all, 
 though, after a few goes really! 
 
 So I stood out that I had never had the pleasure, 
 you know all that sort of polite rot. And all the 
 time felt like a jolly cad, too, meeting a girl with 
 that, when she remembered ! But, by Jove, it was 
 worth sacrificing the frump fifty times over just to 
 see Frances face brighten and note her faint flush 
 and smile as she looked at me. For, dash it, I knew 
 then I had done the right thing ! 
 
 "Um !" grunted the frump, compressing her lips 
 and looking at my darling. "There s one good 
 thing: the experience with Mr. Smith will teach 
 Francis a lesson !" 
 
 The cat ! Nice sort of host ! 
 
 But the dear girl just laughed how I remem 
 bered that laugh ! 
 
 "Poor Francis!" she said lightly. "Do you 
 know," she added, "I believe I can forgive a Har 
 vard man almost anything, Mr. Lightnut." 
 
 By Jove ! The angel ! And before I knew what 
 I was doing or thought about the frump, I had 
 stretched out a hand to her, looking her straight in 
 the eye and smiling. She hesitated an instant only, 
 then laughed, and I felt her little fingers just brush 
 my palm but it was enough.
 
 I 9 2 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 She flushed a little shyly and addressed the 
 frump. 
 
 "Are we going to keep Mr. Lightnut standing 
 like this all day?" she asked. 
 
 "Half on earth and half in heaven like what s- 
 his-name s coffin," I suggested. Devilish good, that, 
 don t you think? She thought so, for she opened 
 the door herself as the frump turned, murmuring 
 some silly thing about China and the open door to 
 America. What did China have to do with it ? 
 
 And it was just then that Jenkins bolted wildly 
 from the building. 
 
 "Mr. Lightnut quick, sir! Mr. Billings, sir!" 
 
 I thought of the telephone right off, but he just 
 caught my arm. First time ever knew Jenkins to 
 take a liberty. 
 
 "Come quick, sir!" he exclaimed. "He s up-stairs 
 and, oh, off his nut, sir awful!" 
 
 "By Jove!" I gasped. "Excuse me will see - 
 come right back and tell you I feared this last 
 night." And I rushed to the elevator with Jenkins. 
 
 "He s in them black pajamas he was talking 
 about," said Jenkins gloomily, "and he s run the 
 perfesser off. Leastwise, he ain t there, and his 
 man can t get Mr. Billings to go. He came down 
 for me, but I couldn t do a thing with him, either." 
 
 I knew I understood. It was the dwelling of 
 his mind upon the rubies! He had gone back in 
 the night for them in his sleep, for all I knew. 
 But I thought most likely awake, for recent ex-
 
 THE COLLAPSE OF BILLINGS 193 
 
 perience with him showed me that he didn t think 
 anything of wandering around the neighborhood in 
 his pajamas. 
 
 The janitor s pale face met us at the landing. 
 
 "I ve sent for the police, sir, and it would be a 
 good idea, don t you think, if you could get him 
 away before they come. I don t want to get Mr. 
 Billings into no trouble." 
 
 "Good idea," I agreed. "We ll just rush him to 
 the car but, h m!" 
 
 I suddenly remembered he was in pajamas. It 
 might be all right to Billings to wander around in 
 public streets and vehicles in his night things, but 
 it certainly wouldn t do under the present circum 
 stances. He might not care, but then, there were 
 the feelings of the girls to consider. And besides, 
 dash it, I had some sort of idea it was against the 
 law. 
 
 I stood there in the corridor, puzzling. 
 
 "We must get his clothes," I said to Jenkins. 
 "No, wait, wait not time ! I want to get him away 
 before the police get here. Um dressing-robe 
 bath-robe can t you get something of that sort 
 quick?" 
 
 Jenkins shook his head distractedly. 
 
 "Thought of that, sir no use nothing any 
 where around here would half-way meet on Mr. 
 Billings." 
 
 Here the professor s man interposed. 
 
 "Please hurry, sir; he s going through the pro-
 
 i 9 4 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 fessor s papers and things !" I dashed for the apart 
 ment, shouting to Jenkins to get a bundle of rugs 
 and blankets to the car. 
 
 Billings was standing by the window looking at 
 a glass thermometer that he had just withdrawn 
 from his mouth. 
 
 "Um!" he grunted complacently. "Ninety-seven 
 and a quarter my usual healthy subnormal tem 
 perature. Pulse sixty-five respiration, twenty- 
 four and two-fifths excellent, excellent ! I am 
 myself. Ha!" And he whirled triumphantly. 
 
 "Ah!" he said, advancing eagerly and rubbing 
 his hands. "It is you! You have heard, then? 
 Marvelous, isn t it wholly incredible ! But do you 
 know" here he plucked at my shirt front, took a 
 pinch, as it were, just as he had seen the professor 
 do "I can not find any transmigration. The ma 
 terialization appears to be wholly optical." 
 
 "Never mind," I said anxiously, for I knew he 
 was talking about the rubies; "we don t care." I 
 smiled brightly. "Let s go down and see the car 
 nice car!" And I tried to get hold of his fat side, 
 but missed it. 
 
 "Car?" Billings looked puzzled. Then his face 
 broke into a smile. "Carpe diem eh, am I not 
 right? True, true! Whither you say." He looked 
 about on a table. "Um my notes, now," he mut 
 tered ; and he caught up a small book and a pencil. 
 
 The professor s man protested : "Professor 
 Doozenberry don t like "
 
 THE COLLAPSE OF BILLINGS 195 
 
 "Oh, dash it, let him have them!" I exclaimed, 
 for Billings was already chuckling happily and writ 
 ing in the little blank book. 
 
 "Come on," I pleaded, catching a fold of the pa 
 jamas. "Wouldn t you like to come get some clothes 
 on?" 
 
 He drew back in alarm. "No, no not yet not 
 until I complete my notes," was his crazy answer. 
 "You know : sublata causa, tollitur effectus!" And 
 he looked as though he thought this would finish 
 me. 
 
 "But your friend," he exclaimed suddenly, as he 
 allowed me to throw a blanket about his shoulders 
 and we moved out of the door, "the gentleman I 
 met last night Billings is not that the name?" 
 
 I looked at him miserably as we entered the car 
 to go down. 
 
 "Oh, I say, Billings, old chap," I protested ear 
 nestly, "don t you know me?" I pointed to the 
 little panel of mirror in the cage. "Don t you know 
 you are Billings ? Can t you see?" 
 
 His fat head pecked at the glass for an instant. 
 Then he looked at me with eager, batting eyes. He 
 chuckled hoarsely, gurglingly, and out came the 
 note-book and pencil from his sleeve. 
 
 "Better and better," he muttered. "Now, if we 
 could only go to him!" He caught my arm. "In 
 the interest of this investigation of scientific phe 
 nomena, would he consider a call intrusive could 
 we not seek your friend, Mr. Billings?"
 
 196 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 "It s all right, you know," I gently reassured him. 
 "Yes, we re going to him going right there. Just 
 a little ride, you know." 
 
 By Jove, the way he cackled made my heart ache ! 
 I whispered to Jenkins to run ahead and prepare the 
 ladies. But the first thing we saw as the cage hit 
 the bottom was a woman and, dash it, the frump 
 from China ! 
 
 She gave a little scream and fell on Billings neck, 
 almost bearing him to the ground. 
 
 "Oh, Jacky, Jacky!" she sobbed. 
 
 By Jove, I almost fell myself! So that was the 
 way the wind lay! And I had never even so much 
 as suspected. That was why he had raved so about 
 her beauty! Beauty! Poor old Jack! If I had 
 been sad about him before, it was a devilish sight 
 worse now 
 
 Worse? Why, dash it, she kissed him! 
 
 And to see him standing there, kind of batting 
 and rolling his eyes and looking like a girl does 
 when she s trying a strange piece of candy out of 
 the box oh, it just broke me all up ! 
 
 No wonder he was crazy ! Why, dash it, he 
 would have to be crazy ! 
 
 He was muttering to himself. 
 
 "Remarkable !" I heard. "Singularly sensate and 
 exhilarating! Now, I never would have thought 
 -urn!" 
 
 And then he very deliberately took her head be 
 tween his hands and kissed her. Then he looked
 
 THE COLLAPSE OF BILLINGS 197 
 
 upward thoughtfully and did it again like a chicken 
 drinks water you know ! 
 
 And then while we that is, Jenkins and I were 
 trying to urge him on, out came the note-book again 
 and he scribbled rapidly, muttering audibly: "La 
 bial osculation extraordinary stimulation sensa- 
 tory ganglia mucous membrane " 
 
 "Police!" I whispered brutally in the frump s 
 ear. "Better let s get him away!" And, by Jove, 
 that woke her out of her trance! In two minutes 
 she had cajoled him to the car and we had him 
 inside on the cushions. We bunched blankets and 
 rugs about him to hide the pajamas. 
 
 "Jacky, dear," gushed the Chinese freak, 
 "wouldn t you like for me to sit by you and hold 
 your poor hand?" 
 
 It looked as if he would. 
 
 The frump turned to me. "Can you drive the 
 car, Mr. Lightnut?" 
 
 Could I? Well, I would show her! Especially 
 as Frances had changed to the front as she saw us 
 bringing out Billings. 
 
 "Take the train get Billings things from the 
 club," I called to Jenkins. "Sharp, now! And here, 
 unhook that number there on the back give it 
 here!" 
 
 Jenkins hesitated. "I think there s a heavy fine, 
 sir," he hinted. 
 
 I snapped my fingers at him and he jumped to 
 obey.
 
 "Worse things than a jolly fine," I said, looking 
 at poor Billings smiling crazily over the frump. I 
 threw the number plate into the car. 
 
 And just in time ! 
 
 Around the corner whirled a policeman and, by 
 Jove, no less than that fat Irishman, O Keefe! 
 .With him was the professor s man. 
 
 "Don t tell me," panted the officer; "I know 
 my" 
 
 And then he gave a shout and sprang for the car. 
 
 "It s that fellow that was prowling around the 
 station house !" he yelled. "Here, stop there !" 
 
 But I didn t want to. For one thing, we were a 
 half -block away, and I had badly coasted a towel 
 supply wagon and scattered the wares of a push 
 cart across three sidewalks. 
 
 My cap went flying as we skidded a corner, and 
 I was devilish glad, for the inertia threw Frances 
 head almost against mine and I felt the tickling 
 brush of a little hair wisp as it swept my nose. 
 
 Her eyes were dancing with excitement. She 
 looked back, waving her hand at the figure of 
 O Keefe trotting from around the corner, and her 
 laughter pealed joyously, deliciously in my ear. 
 
 "Oh, I think American men are great are won 
 derful!" she cried, striking her little hands together. 
 "Especially Harvard men and especially " She 
 stopped with the faintest catch. 
 
 "By Jove!" I cried. "Do you mean it?" 
 
 And for the briefest instant the hands were three ;
 
 THE COLLAPSE OF BILLINGS 199 
 
 but her scream brought me back to earth just in 
 time to save the lives of a man and a boy. Devilish 
 ungrateful, too, for I could see the man, three blocks 
 behind, and still shaking his fist. The way with 
 these pedestrians ! 
 
 At Fifty-ninth Street we caromed with a hansom 
 trotting too leisurely across the plaza, and I listened 
 for nearly a block to the remarks of a bicycle cop 
 before he dropped behind. What dashed me not a 
 little was Billings indifference to the record I was 
 making for his car didn t seem to care a jolly 
 hang. 
 
 The frump was still hanging on him in a way to 
 make you sick, and cooing and going on in a nerv 
 ous, half -hysterical way I never would have thought 
 her able to chirp up to. And Billings was holding 
 her hand ! 
 
 "Hello!" I called to him, just after we clipped 
 Yonkers. 
 
 He looked up at me, smiling and nodding. 
 
 "Feel all right now, old man?" I inquired 
 cheerily. 
 
 Billings looked at me hard, and then, dash it, he 
 winked! And I began to wonder, by Jove, if it was 
 just plain drunk.
 
 CHAPTER XXII 
 
 MY DARLING IS SLANDERED 
 
 THREE miles south of Irvington, Billings 
 jumped wildly in the air and yelled for me to 
 stop. 
 
 "A coleopteran!" he shrieked excitedly as I throt 
 tled down. "A coleopteran struck me in the eye 
 one of the hydrophilidce family !" 
 
 And hurling aside rugs and blankets, he twisted 
 open the door and in a moment was in the road run 
 ning back. It was then I went back to the crazy 
 theory, for it was an open stretch of road and there 
 wasn t a soul in sight. But it was so funny to see 
 his fat figure waddling along there in the pajamas 
 and bedroom slippers that Frances and I just threw 
 back our heads and screamed. Couldn t help it, by 
 Jove! 
 
 And the frump, jogging along behind, looked just 
 as funny. I wasn t alarmed, for I knew she could 
 control him. And, dash it, she did it by humoring 
 him ! For we saw her twist her veil about the fork 
 of the stick he extended to her, and both of them 
 went to slapping wildly at the air and the ground. 
 Presently they both came waddling back, she with a 
 
 200
 
 MY DARLING IS SLANDERED 201 
 
 butterfly and he with a bug which he was craning at 
 with a lens he had fished from his sleeve somewhere. 
 He was trying to do this and at the same time hold 
 together a great armful of gaudy weeds he had 
 gathered. 
 
 Billings got in and then I helped her. "Awfully 
 jolly good of you to humor his crazy whims," I 
 whispered gratefully. 
 
 "Crazy!" she ejaculated, one foot on the running- 
 board. "Why, he s just getting sane! He s been a 
 born fool all his life! And now, Jacky, as you were 
 saying of the antenna " And she flopped eagerly 
 by him and together they bent over the glass. 
 
 It was rum, but I was getting along so swim 
 mingly with Frances that I didn t much care what 
 they did. Seemed to be only about a minute more 
 and we were clipping through the curves of the Wol- 
 hurst park Frances pointed the way and had 
 slowed down under the porte-cochere. 
 
 The frump whispered to the man who opened the 
 door. 
 
 "As quietly as possible, Wilkes," she said, "and 
 without his father seeing him." 
 
 "The judge is away, miss," said the man. "He 
 drove down to the village with Senator Soakem, who 
 had to catch a train back to Albany; but I m looking 
 for him every " 
 
 "Be quick, then," jerked the frump. "You know 
 what to do." 
 
 "I guess I do, miss," answered the butler gloom-
 
 202 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 ily. "I ve had to do it often enough Perkins and 
 me. A good cold souse that s the thing and then 
 bed. /know!" 
 
 Billings waved his hand to the frump as he 
 mounted the stairway inside. And then, dash it, he 
 kissed his fingers. 
 
 "Vale!" he chirped, leaning over the marble bal 
 ustrade. "Vale, sed spero non semper! I will re 
 sume the discussion in propria persona." 
 
 And, by Jove, if she didn t come back at him 
 quick as lightning, and with his own gibberish, too : 
 
 "Confido et conquiesco!" she cooed, waving her 
 handkerchief. 
 
 Oh, it was tragical, dash it that was the word, 
 tragical! And yet the frump looked almost happy. 
 And as for Frances, except for being amused, her 
 brother s condition didn t seem to trouble her spirit 
 at all. But then, dash it, I remembered she was used 
 to him this way. She did not even wait, but with a 
 bright smile and a murmured word to me, left her 
 friend and myself to await Wilkes report. 
 
 The frump kind of glared down the deserted vista 
 of the fine old hall and shrugged her shoulders. 
 
 "Everybody loafing, as usual," she muttered 
 sourly, and she hurled her coat at the carven back 
 of a great cathedral chair and missed it. 
 
 It was clear that her type scorned conventional 
 ities and knew how to make themselves thoroughly 
 at home. 
 
 "I hope you ll be made comfortable here, Mr.
 
 MY DARLING IS SLANDERED 203 
 
 Lightnut," she said, peeling a glove with a jerk, "but 
 I have my doubts." 
 
 And she gave a kind of hollow laugh. 
 
 I shifted distressfully. "Oh, really now," I began 
 protestingly, but she marched right over me : 
 
 "I can assure you that a guest here earns a mar 
 tyr s crown," she said, lifting her eyebrows. Then 
 she shook her head, her lips compressed. 
 
 I coughed. Couldn t say the thing I ivanted to 
 say, you know seemed too devilish rude. Just 
 have to stand it when they talk that way. Pugsley 
 says best thing to do is to purse up your lips and bob 
 your head you don t have to mean it. 
 
 So I just went through all this and threw in a 
 shrug, too. Thought no use having her mad and 
 working against me with Frances. Catch the idea? 
 Simple thing, you know, just to play her with my 
 finesse. 
 
 "Awfully tiresome, these country places," I said 
 sympathetically. I screwed my glass at a couple of 
 footmen who came into view at the far end of the 
 hall, and who were whispering and chuckling about 
 something. "Things seem to be run a bit loose, 
 don t you know that s a fact. Don t mind for my 
 self, but fancy a girl might find it rather trying 
 visiting here." 
 
 By Jove, how she opened her eyes at me sur 
 prised, I knew, at finding me such a devilish keen 
 observer. My sympathy touched her, too, for her 
 eyeballs shone moist of a sudden and I saw her lip
 
 204 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 tremble as she stared. Then she swallowed hard 
 and slapped her gloves sharply across her palm. 
 
 "It s Francis that s to blame for that sort of 
 thing," she rasped, nodding down the hall. 
 
 "Frances?" I ejaculated in protest. "Oh, here, I 
 say, now " 
 
 "You don t know Francis, Mr. Lightnut!" Her 
 jaw grounded with a snap, and what a look she gave 
 me! "Wait till you do you just wait!" And 
 eyes and hands lifted to the ceiling. 
 
 I coughed again. 
 
 The cat ! And this was my darling s friend ! 
 
 But her claws raked on : "I tell you you just can t 
 be familiar with grooms and hail-fellow-well-met 
 with footmen without demoralizing them and 
 that s what Francis does." She jerked this out 
 viciously, and while I gasped, went on : "You know 
 very well, Mr. Lightnut, if you play cards and drink 
 and carouse with your men-servants until two or 
 three o clock in the morning, you can t reasonably 
 look for respect from them." She breathed heavily. 
 "The trouble is, Francis has no self-respect no 
 pride!" 
 
 Her uplifted hands fumbled and jerked the hat 
 from her tossing head. "Sometimes," she breathed 
 through her teeth, "when I think of Francis, I feel 
 like I d like to " The words died behind her teeth 
 as she ground them yes, ground them. She jabbed 
 the pins into the hat savagely and at random and 
 tossed it after the coat. And this time she put the
 
 MY DARLING IS SLANDERED 205 
 
 ball in a big Benares jar that stood against the 
 wall. 
 
 But I was counting forty- four! 
 
 Ever try that when you were angry and wanted to 
 insult somebody ? Preacher told us about it once at 
 the old Harvard Union, and / thought it devilish 
 good idea. Gives you time, you know, to think up 
 the things to say that otherwise you would be turn 
 ing over in your mind afterward as the scathing, 
 clever things you might have said. 
 
 So, by the twenty-eighth count, I had her; and 
 jamming my hands almost through my pockets, I 
 faced her with a withering frown 
 
 "By Jove, if I were you, Miss er " Dash me 
 if I hadn t forgotten her name! "If you feel that 
 way, / don t see why the de H m! I mean why 
 do you stay on here and er sacrifice yourself?" 
 I drawled this in the most devilish sarcastic way! 
 "I d pack my jolly trunk and get as far away as I 
 could." 
 
 I added earnestly coaxingly: "And stay away, 
 you know!" 
 
 And I took a deep breath, for I expected to see her 
 wilt or go straight up in the air. I knew it was a 
 toss-up for either. 
 
 Not she ! She just twisted a sour smile at me. 
 
 "Ummh !" she grunted. "Perhaps you don t know 
 that Francis has suggested that to me several times 
 frankly and rudely when I have complained. 
 That may surprise you."
 
 206 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 It did not surprise me not at all, by Jove ! What 
 did surprise me was that my Frances had ever al 
 lowed this jolly female barnacle to fasten on her in 
 this way. Remembered a remark of Jack Ells 
 worth s about some bounder visiting at his house 
 that he said "the old man couldn t pry loose with a 
 crowbar." Devilish coarse way to express it, I had 
 thought ; but now I understood. 
 
 The frump was this sort! Poor Frances! Poor 
 Frances ! 
 
 I was just considering the advisability of tactfully 
 trying to shame this girl into taking the next train, 
 or whatever it is, back to China, when suddenly my 
 devilish active mind hit right on the explanation of 
 her conduct! Bores me, you know, the way things 
 come to me at times when I am not looking for 
 them at all. Still, this time, I was rather glad. 
 Might confound her and put her on the run if she 
 knew that a shrewd, eagle-eyed man of the world 
 had penetrated her mask. 
 
 So I coughed significantly in lieu of using her 
 dashed name, and lifted my monocle so I could bore 
 her sidewise through narrowed eyes. 
 
 "Dare say you ve put up with Frances though for 
 Jack s sake!" I let her have it coldly, deliberately. 
 "Brother Jack has been a sort of compensation 
 that sit, eh?" 
 
 And I shot her a foxy wink ! 
 
 That is, I almost did pulled up, though, just on 
 the brink. By Jove, gave me cold marrows for an

 
 MY DARLING IS SLANDERED 207 
 
 instant, thinking how I might have compromised 
 myself, you know. Besides, I could spare her that 
 had rubbed it in so devilish raw, anyhow. That 
 is, you would have thought so ; for that sort of thing 
 said to a normal Yankee girl would have stirred her 
 pride or unchained the jolly lightnings from her 
 eyes you know ! 
 
 But dashed if this imported freak didn t suddenly 
 nod with a sort of chokey snuffle and reach out her 
 hand for mine. 
 
 "How you do understand! she crooned unblush- 
 ingly, and she leaked a big cold tear down upon 
 my hand and let another splash my cuff and Jen 
 kins hadn t come with my things yet, dash it! "I 
 do try to be patient about Francis for Jacky s sake- 
 he asked me to ; and I do try not to mind the way 
 things are run, but oh, Mr. Lightnut, what this place 
 needs is a head!" She almost squeezed my hand, 
 and blinked damply at me out of her pasty face. 
 "And then," she snuffled, "I do so want to make a 
 home for my father and my brothers. They have 
 never known what it was to have a home think of 
 it!" 
 
 I didn t want to think of it besides, I didn t be 
 lieve it. I knew people have to have homes, dash it 
 it s the law. If they go in for that sort of thing- 
 not having homes, you know they re arrested. 
 Still, in a rum country like China, it might be differ 
 ent, of course. However, I didn t take time to give 
 this much thought, for I was so devilish floored
 
 208 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 irritated, you know at the girl s cold-blooded, 
 brazen effrontery. 
 
 By Jove, I wondered if I could pink her! 
 
 I wasn t sure. I had gone at her in a cunning, 
 subtle way : the hand of steel in the glove of what s- 
 its-name, you know; the curving, velvet thrust of 
 the needle rapier all that sort of rot and she had 
 merely given me back a Roland for my what s-its- 
 name. I felt a bit dashed, you know. 
 
 Idea seized me that perhaps, though, something 
 more brutally direct would 
 
 "See here," I said, fixing my monocle sternly and 
 folding my arms for I had got back my hand under 
 pretense of fixing my part. "You don t mean to say 
 that Jack would ever ask you to take charge here!" 
 
 Rather plain and direct, that, don t you think? 
 Sort of heavy broadsword stroke, you know. But 
 she took it full and clean never winced or turned a 
 hair. Just looked thoughtful. 
 
 "Yes," she said slowly. "Jacky says it ll have to 
 come to that some day some arrangement. Neither 
 of us ever want to marry." 
 
 "Oh!" 
 
 And my monocle dropped ! 
 
 Couldn t chirp, another word, you know! Just 
 stood there, round-mouthed and staring blankly 
 kind of fascinated, too, dash it and wondering 
 what particular freak cult hers was. And I felt 
 myself getting redder and redder every second! 
 Then the awful thought came to me that this ad-
 
 MY DARLING IS SLANDERED 209 
 
 vanced and emancipated dowd had been the friend 
 and companion of my darling that her poisonous 
 influence had been felt for months; was being ex 
 erted still. I wondered how she could look me in 
 the face, but she wasn t. No, she had switched her 
 head around and was glaring at the servants down 
 the hall. So I just swayed there, trying to think, 
 and boring at the back of her head, till it came to me 
 dully that her hair didn t match her what-you-call- 
 ems, and my dashed brain just seized on and clung 
 to this like a drowning man does to a what-you-may- 
 call-it. 
 
 "Thom-asl" the frump exploded. 
 
 One of the footmen who was doubled over, red- 
 faced and writhing, in the exercise of some pleas 
 antry with his companion, straightened with an ag 
 grieved air. He ambled toward us. 
 
 "Some specimens that Mr. Billings gathered 
 plants and foliage; he left them in the car," jerked 
 the frump. "See they are cared for." 
 
 The man nodded indifferently and slouched away. 
 
 Her frown gloomed after him and her voice 
 ; snapped at his laggard heels: 
 
 "And Flora send Flora to me. Is she asleep 
 somewhere ?" 
 
 She faced me with an acid grimace and shrug. 
 
 "You see how it is here, Mr. Lightnut," she 
 grumbled querulously ; "but you understand !" 
 
 Understand! By Jove, yes I thought I did! I 
 could see that the fellow was just sullen under the
 
 210 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 too free and easy assumptions of a guest from whom 
 little had been experienced in the way of an occa 
 sional douceur. And dashed if I blamed him! 
 
 But I murmured some jolly rubbish, hoping every 
 instant that Wilkes would come and lead- me away. 
 
 "That s the way with them all here, from the 
 housekeeper down," she went on gloomily. "They 
 take advantage of the fact that the mistress of the 
 house is abroad and the master absorbed and busy. 
 Her voice quickened sharply : "Then do you think 
 they care two pins about the authority of a silly girl 
 who has been allowed to grow up untrained and 
 ignorant of the first a b c of anything practical?" 
 
 I felt my face tingling. 
 
 "See here Oh, dash it all !" I protested. "That s 
 not fair, you know !" 
 
 "Fair?" She bit the word out of the air and just 
 glared at me. "Why, they know she s a fool!" 
 
 I opened my mouth two or three times ; then swal 
 lowed helplessly and grew red. Somehow, it came 
 back to me a time when I was a little boy and my 
 nurse had been so shocked when I said "shucks!" 
 I remembered how that night she read to me a tract 
 about swear words and told me how when I grew up 
 to be a big man, I would have to choose whether I 
 was ever going to learn to swear or not. She said 
 that if I didn t choose right, a day would come when 
 I would be oh, so sorry ! 
 
 And now, dash it, the day had come and I knew 
 that she was right ! For I was sorry, by Jove !
 
 "IT S all right, miss," Wilkes reported; "at least, 
 * I hope so. Perkins is with him we ve been 
 trying to persuade him to have a bath and lie down. 
 But I don t know " 
 
 He shook his head gloomily, then turned to me. 
 
 "If you will :ome with me, sir " Then he 
 added, and it seemed : question: "You must have 
 made a quick run sir. Seems like only a few min 
 utes since we gOc Mr. Jack s phone message." His 
 voice dropped : "From the station house, you know." 
 
 "Eh what s that?" I paused with my foot on the 
 first tread of the stairway. "Jack s phone message 
 from the station house?" I repeated blankly. 
 "What are you talking about?" 
 
 Wilkes coughed reproachfully. "Why, you know, 
 sir, he told about being arrested in front of the 
 Kahoka Apartments. He mentioned that it was 
 about h m!" He stole a furtive backward glance 
 at the frump, but she was enjoying herself berating 
 a fat girl she addressed as "Flora." He looked at 
 me eloquently and whispered: "About his h m 
 stealing some black silk pajamas." 
 
 211
 
 212 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 My monocle dropped, and I almost did myself. 
 
 "By Jove !" I gasped feebly. 
 
 "Yes, sir." Wilkes looked up at the paneled ceil 
 ing and stroked his chin. "He mentioned that they 
 found them or thought they found them in the bag 
 he had with him." 
 
 "But he s got them on, and they are his own," I 
 managed to get out. 
 
 Wilkes face lightened understandingly. "Oh-h, I 
 see, sir," he said, nodding with his jolly chin hang 
 ing; "so that s how you got him off I was a-won- 
 dering!" He looked at me, his fishy old eyes twin 
 kling admiration. "Very neat, if I may say, sir 
 making, as it were, a sort of alibi very neat, in 
 deed ! Of course, when they puts em on him, they 
 see for themselves they are his n, and not any lady s 
 what had been stolen Oh, / see!" 
 
 Dash me, if 7 did ! The only thing I saw was that 
 it must have been Jenkins that had telephoned and 
 the message had been twisted. What he had said, of 
 course, was that Billings had almost been arrested. 
 But the police finding the pajamas in his bag I did 
 not like that. Could it be that, after all, Billings 
 had found his sister s pajamas in the guest-room and 
 had quietly confiscated them? It looked devilishly, 
 ominously like it! Or perhaps he, himself, had re 
 covered them from Foxy Grandpa, and with more 
 delicacy than I thought him capable of, had kept the 
 whole matter to himself. One thing only was cer 
 tain : the sleuth hounds of the law, stimulated by the
 
 A MESSAGE AND A WARNING 213 
 
 extravagant reward I had offered over the telephone, 
 had run down and recovered her pajamas. It was a 
 relief that they were out of his hands, anyhow 
 / could get them again, but he couldn t. By Jove ! 
 
 Alone in my room, I stood before the mirror, 
 hands in pockets and rocking on my toes kind of 
 smiling, you know and thinking what a daredevil, 
 reckless thing it had been clever, too, dash it in 
 getting them away from old Jack, and right under 
 his nose. By Jove, I felt a bit proud about it sort 
 of exultation, don t you know and I had just got 
 off a wink at myself, when Wilkes appeared again. 
 
 "Pardon, sir, for disturbing you, but Mr. Billings 
 is acting so queer, we are afraid to cross him ; and he 
 just insisted I take his message to you at once." 
 
 "Message?" I repeated, sobering. 
 
 "Yes, sir something about some pajamas " 
 
 "Pajamas?" I faltered, and I dropped into a chair. 
 "Oh!" 
 
 Wilke? looked grave. "Pajamas seem to be the 
 thing with him this time, sir it s the queerest go! 
 That s a nezu one, that is!" He shifted contem 
 platively. "The last time it was lizards and the time 
 before blue dachshunds, but his main stand-by, so to 
 speak, is piebald rattlesnakes them we re used to; 
 but this new turn, pajamas, gets me !" He shook his 
 head dubiously. "And he won t take his off you 
 can t get him to; he just gets kinder peevish and 
 goes off on the queerest streak of freak talk you 
 ever heard. Perkins tried to coax him to take a
 
 2i 4 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 bath, but he said he never had taken a bath in his life 
 and he called Perkins something awful some 
 name about a yard long. It squelched Perkins so 
 that he " 
 
 "But the message?" I suggested nervously. 
 
 "I was just a-coming to that, sir. He asks me if 
 I knew whether you were still on the place; and 
 when I said you were, he says to me kinder excited 
 and impressive like : Well, you go to him at once 
 at once and tell him I m on the trail of the mystery 
 of those pajamas, and I ll soon know as much about 
 em as he does. Just tell him that he ll know what 
 I mean. " 
 
 "Oh !" I gasped shortly. 
 
 "Yes, sir," Wilkes nodded, "but that ain t quite 
 all. He says : Tell Mr. Lightnut that when I first 
 saw those pajamas in his rooms Wilkes paused 
 inquiringly. "Did you say something, sir?" 
 
 I had not I had only groaned ! 
 
 He went on, repeating as by rote : " When I 
 found and took them away, I was curious and 
 amused, but skeptical firmly skeptical of there 
 being any dark mystery about them. But now I 
 know I let myself be deceived and I mean to get at 
 the bottom of the whole thing. 
 
 Wilkes seemed to kind of waver and fade before 
 me, and then go out like a candle. Then he came 
 back into view and I heard his voice again : 
 And what s more 1 , you tell him I say 
 
 The butler hesitated and seemed embarrassed
 
 A MESSAGE AND A WARNING 215 
 
 his heavy jowls reddened a little. He looked beyond 
 me and coughed. 
 
 "Of course you know, sir," he said, shifting un 
 easily, "Mr. Billings ain t exactly himself, so to 
 speak, so you mustn t mind. Fact is if I may say 
 so he s got the most considerable case of jimmies 
 I ever see him with, so " 
 
 "Oh, go on !" I breathed miserably. 
 
 "Yes, sir h m!" Wilkes heaved distressfully, 
 then drove doggedly ahead : "Oh, well, sir, what he 
 says was that it was his duty, he thought, to tell the 
 family the truth about those pajamas, so that they 
 \vould know that the man they were harboring under 
 their roof wasn t what he seemed to be." His gaze 
 bored higher over my head, his voice tapering off so 
 faintly I could hardly hear. 
 
 But I heard all right ! Oh, yes, I got the full dev 
 ilish force of it ; but I couldn t speak. My dry lips 
 touched wordlessly and I hunched deep into the hol 
 low of the big leather rocker. I would have liked 
 to get even deeper, and I studied wistfully a tiny 
 floor-crack under the radiator. I thought I could 
 make it if I were alone! 
 
 Wilkes coughed again. I winced there was evi 
 dently more ! 
 
 "Yes, sir," he murmured, as I cut a quick glance 
 upward. "He did say further that if you weren t 
 satisfied, though, and would prefer another trial 
 
 "Eh?" I bounded out of the chair. "What s 
 that ? Oh, dash it, yes I would, by Jove !"
 
 216 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 "Very good, sir." Wilkes looked relieved, him 
 self. "In that case, he said he was willing to experi 
 ment again that was his word experiment. He 
 said he wouldn t detain you here on his account, but 
 he would have to ask you to stay another day or two 
 while he made his observations." 
 
 It was a devilish cold shoulder, but I had no 
 choice. Fact was, by Jove, I was so jolly glad for 
 that chance, and for being trusted again by Billings, 
 even in this half-hearted way, that I just ground my 
 pride under my heel why, dash it, I would have 
 ground anything under my heel for her! I was as 
 happy as a bird, and life was again one grand, sweet 
 what s-its-name. 
 
 "Tell him certainly, Wilkes, and thank him don t 
 forget to thank him." And I believe I wrung his 
 hand. "And er wait, Wilkes couldn t you use 
 a tenner?" I checked him on the threshold. "Let s 
 see no, that s a twenty say, take that; take them 
 both thank you, Wilkes! and there s a five, too. 
 Oh, yes, you must take it all I have no use for it, 
 you know never would use those particular ones !" 
 
 And, by Jove, he took it just made him, you 
 know. These butlers are not half bad fellows if you 
 go at them right I can always manage them. He 
 sympathized with me you could see that dashed 
 if the fellow wasn t almost weeping as he closed the 
 door. 
 
 And then I just flopped down upon a divan and 
 lay there panting like a what s-its-name reaction,
 
 A MESSAGE AND A WARNING 217 
 
 you know. So he had known ! He had known when 
 he let me come to Wolhurst, and had waited for the 
 moment when he would have me under his roof and 
 be able utterly to confound me. This, then, ex 
 plained his mental condition, his relapse to drink 
 again his madness on the subject of pajamas. It 
 was awful! By Jove, as I lay there thinking of his 
 suspicions and diseased imaginings induced by his 
 monstrous folly of drink the awful curse of drink 
 and of what it had almost brought upon two inno 
 cent lives, I felt indignant almost sick. Lay there 
 helpless, wishing Jenkins would come, and wonder 
 ing if I wasn t getting a bit feverish mouth dry 
 and craving moisture, you know. But not a thing 
 could I find in the room except a glass and empty. 
 Carafe beside it, but nothing in it but water, you 
 know, and a large, round ball of ice. So just had to 
 fall back on the couch and try not to think of my 
 throbbing, swollen tongue. 
 
 Mind got to wandering then, I think. Thought of 
 Frances and how much I loved her, and of cooling 
 streams fizzy and gurgling and of amber foun 
 tains, crested with sparkling, pearly sunbursts you 
 know ! I even got to wondering if she really loved 
 me fact! And then came the disquieting thought 
 of how devilish disappointing and awful it would be 
 if Jenkins should forget a stock of my Egyptian 
 Koroskos. What was it she had told me that night 
 about being engaged to another and wanting to be 
 free, now that she had met me the darling ! Then,
 
 218 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 dash me if I could remember to save me whether 
 Jenkins had or had not said something to me that 
 morning about packing my ashes-of-roses socks and 
 ties or was it about my lilac silk underwear with 
 the mauve fleur-de-lis ? Devilish annoying I couldn t 
 remember. Of course it was this that was making 
 her so reticent and offish about any reference to the 
 other night I mean it was this thing of being en 
 tangled with this other chap. So jolly sensitive and 
 high-minded, don t you know, she didn t want to 
 talk about our future until she had dumped the other 
 fellow in the road that was it. 
 
 Struck me suddenly that there was some jolly 
 proverb thing about it : something about the old love 
 and the new some dashed wise, old, musty rot 
 about that. What the deuce was it? 
 
 And luckily, just then Jenkins came! 
 
 And when he had laid out my things, and I found 
 I was to wear a scarf of Harvard crimson the 
 color she admired I was so devilish pleased and 
 grateful to Jenkins for the decision that I thought 
 that now I would let him have a try at the proverb. 
 
 "I say, Jenkins," I began carelessly, "there s some 
 jolly saying or proverb eh, you know?" 
 
 "Certainly, sir," responded Jenkins absently, for 
 he was intensely concentrated on the selection of a 
 scarf-pin. 
 
 I went on : "It s about oh, don t you know 
 about when you ve tried being engaged to one person 
 and you don t like it, and you are thinking of being
 
 A MESSAGE AND A WARNING 219 
 
 engaged to another something of that sort, dash it 
 oh, you know!" And I wondered if it would be 
 the sardonyx or the ruby, and hoped it would be the 
 ruby. 
 
 "Mm-m-m," murmured Jenkins, blinking thought 
 fully. "Let s see, sir it ain t that one about the 
 hair of the dog, is it?" 
 
 "Hair of the Certainly not!" I exclaimed with 
 indignation. "No, it s some jolly saw about being 
 off with the old and on with " I stalled. 
 
 "Off and on," came quickly from Jenkins; then 
 he went back to his jolly pins. 
 
 "Maybe," I said, trying to think, "but there s 
 something else about being on with the new or be 
 ing on to the new Oh, yes, the devilish thing 
 starts off : Tis well to be off um, off Dash it,, 
 off what? You catch the idea, don t you ?" 
 
 "Certainly, sir." He tried the ruby and sardonyx 
 in turn against the silk and rejected both he took a 
 garnet. It wouldn t have been my taste, but then it 
 wasn t my business, you know! His jolly old lips 
 moved as he repeated something to himself ; he rolled 
 his eyes to the ceiling and cleared his throat and 
 then I knew he had it ! 
 
 "I don t seem to remember it, sir not precisely 
 h m but could it be this : Tis well to be off- 
 He paused with finger on chin, rolling his eyes up 
 ward. 
 
 "Oh, dash it, yes.!" I said disgustedly. "Why, / 
 told vou "
 
 220 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 He lifted his hand. " Tis well to be off and 
 on And he stuck again, dash it ! Then his lips 
 worked some more and his face cleared. "Oh, here 
 it is, sir I ve got it now! See if this ain t it :" 
 
 And he laid it off with his fingers the way a 
 woman counts the words in a telegram to keep from 
 going over ten : 
 
 " Tis-well-to-be-off-and-on-with-the-old-love, but- 
 don t-let-on-to-the-new there you are, sir!" 
 
 "By Jove!" I exclaimed, batting at him; and the 
 brushes in my hands paused and pulled hard on each 
 side of my pait. "Oh, I say!" And I had him re 
 peat it again. 
 
 The thing troubled me! Odd I had not more 
 carefully noticed before the wording of the jolly 
 thing! But then of course my interest in it had not 
 been so dashed personal as now. Kept running in 
 my head now and disturbing me all the while Jen 
 kins was busying himself about me. And then, as if 
 I didn t have quite enough already to try me, Jenkins 
 at the last moment chucked the crimson scarf alto 
 gether, and slipped through my collar a Persian bat ! 
 By Jove, I was so dashed annoyed, I took it from 
 him to tie myself. 
 
 "Off and on with the old love !" It kept whisper 
 ing itself in my ear till I hardly knew what I was 
 doing. Could it be that she would but, oh, dash it, 
 no! I knew she wouldn t! And yet another chap 
 might come along and she might find she would 
 rather be engaged to him! Oh, but I was sure she
 
 A MESSAGE AND A WARNING 221 
 
 was not so variable as that. Still a vague fear kept 
 recurring; a miserable, tiny, pricking doubt the 
 crumpled what s-its-name in the bed of down, you 
 know that sort of thing! 
 
 What the deuce was the best thing to do? 
 
 "Pardon, sir," came in Jenkins voice, and in the 
 glass I saw his head piking anxiously over my shoul 
 der; "but / think with them changeable kind, the 
 best thing to try for is a sudden, firm knot!" 
 
 "Eh ?" I said, staring. And then I whirled upon 
 him, seizing both his hands. 
 
 "By Jove, Jenkins!" I exclaimed admiringly. 
 "What a perfectly out-and-out corking idea a reg 
 ular ripper, you know ! How devilish clever of you, 
 dash it!" 
 
 "Certainly, sir!" Jenkins batted a little always 
 does when I notice these little things so modest, 
 don t you know. 
 
 But I had the idea now, and I gripped it tight 
 along with my monocle, as, ten minutes later, I 
 sauntered down the stairs. 
 
 I would speak to her father at once !
 
 CHAPTER XXIV 
 
 I SPEAK TO HER FATHER 
 
 "OO glad to see you here, my boy," the judge was 
 ^-J saying. And his little round face beamed at 
 me across the library table. I had encountered him 
 in the hall just as I had descended to rejoin the girls 
 in the living-room. Forthwith, he elbowed me into 
 the library. 
 
 "Know from Jack how glad you always are to 
 escape girls," he remarked cheerily as he produced 
 cigars. "Don t blame you at all in fact, do you 
 know it refreshes me to find 
 
 Don t know what dashed thing it refreshed him 
 to find, for I never caught it. For just then through 
 the doorway there floated, from across the hall, a 
 bar of music the laugh of the dearest girl in the 
 world ! 
 
 I strained for another bar. 
 
 "Hah!" ejaculated the judge, pausing with ques 
 tioning uplift of cigar. "The silly cackle of those 
 girls it disturbs you. Yes, it does I can see it 
 you look disturbed." And, dash it, he insisted upon 
 closing the door. "You mustn t let them bother you 
 while you are here," he urged pleasantly; "you must 
 just go ahead and do the thing you want to do." 
 
 222
 
 I SPEAK TO HER FATHER 223 
 
 By Jove, there seemed little opportunity for it ! 
 
 "Thanks awfully," I murmured feebly. 
 
 The judge proceeded genially: "Of course we 
 all understand that you just came up to Wolhurst 
 to please Jack." Then his face clouded. "H m! 
 Sorry to learn that he came home with another " 
 his eyes rolled through a circle "er is not feel 
 ing just fit. It s too bad, for I wanted some one to 
 take you over the neighborhood interesting land 
 marks, you know, reminiscent of Major Andre and 
 Washington Irving." 
 
 "Charmed, I m sure," I chirped up. Jolly lie, 
 though, for I wasn t impressed; didn t know who 
 the other fellow was, but I had seen Irving in Lon 
 don scores of times. Not a patch on John Drew 
 to my thinking ! 
 
 The judge was murmuring something apologetic : 
 
 "So I can t go with you, myself, you see but I 
 know you will understand. Just so infernally tied 
 up with preparation of rebuttal in suit the attorney- 
 general is bringing against one of my corporations 
 most unreasonable thing you ever heard of! The 
 judge crossed his legs with a fling of impatience and 
 pulled savagely at his cigar. "By George, Lightnut, 
 we are getting to a pass with politics where party 
 organization is going to the dogs don t you think 
 so, eh?" 
 
 "Oh, dash it, yes rotten, you know!" I worked 
 off indignantly her father, don t you see! Sat 
 wondering when I would get to see her by Jove,
 
 224 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 they would have to let me see her at luncheon! I 
 just caught back in time to get the end of a sentence : 
 
 "Utter defiance of personal obligations!" His 
 hands spread eloquently. "Tell me what is the use 
 of electing men to office, when they time-servingly 
 yield before the clamor of the cursed populistic and 
 revolutionary spirit of the times?" He was leaning 
 toward me now, his jolly face swelling with indigna 
 tion, his fist beating upon his knee. "What has be 
 come, Mr. Lightnut," he pounded, "of the time-hon 
 ored sanctity of the gentleman s agreement eh? 
 Where now the pact conventa?" 
 
 "Where?" I shrugged, and I let it go at that, pre 
 tending to be busied with a match ; for dash me if / 
 knew ! Never had seen it even in fact, didn t care 
 a jolly hang if I never did, don t you know. 
 
 He went on hammering: "Here I ve got to go 
 and stultify myself, arguing against my own de 
 cision when I was on the bench !" He snorted. "It s 
 perfectly abominable, sir outrageous!" 
 
 And the judge hurled his little body back into the 
 chair and furiously pumped himself into a cloud of 
 smoke. He glared at me expectantly, and I knew I 
 had to come up. 
 
 "Beastly bad form, you know!" I tried, sending 
 a great funnel upward and frowning after it. Fact 
 was, I never took any interest in political questions 
 dashed bore, you know. Wondered if he would 
 spring them much when Frances and I were 
 
 "Urn well, I should say so!" he grunted; and
 
 I SPEAK TO HER FATHER 225 
 
 my jerk sent ashes all over me. But I saw that he 
 was just mollified because I agreed with him. Best 
 system, Pugsley says, is always to agree with every 
 body in politics "humor em gently, just like chil 
 dren," were his exact words; "you know it really 
 don t matter !" 
 
 "And now, let s see," resumed the judge, bright 
 ening. "I wonder who we can get to take you !" His 
 fingers drummed together thoughtfully. "Urn, of 
 course, there is Francis " my heart took a jolly 
 leap "but Francis is impossible quite impos 
 sible!" 
 
 "By Jove, no!" I ejaculated eagerly, and I came 
 up in my chair like a galvanized what s-its-name. 
 "Just the thing be delighted, you know." 
 
 He smiled grimly. "Natural you should say that, 
 but : " He expectorated with deliberation, glower 
 ing at me as he did it. "No, sir!" His head shook 
 with decision. "Wouldn t do I wouldn t think of 
 trusting you with Francis," he finished shortly. 
 
 "O!" Just a gasp, you know; and my jolly 
 cheeks stung as from a dash of fiery what s-its-name 
 sauce. So he knew about the pajamas, too! 
 
 I half rose from my chair. 
 
 "I I assure you, sir " I began stiffly. 
 
 His fussy shrug checked me. "No, no, we ll just 
 have to wait till Jack gets up. The only thing I m 
 anxious about is the scenery and the view points ; 
 and I just know if Francis went with you, you 
 would never see any of it."
 
 226 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 By Jove, I thought that quite likely enough, but 
 of course it was devilish personal of him to say 
 so. And dash seeing the scenery and view points, 
 anyway who wanted to see them, if they could 
 see her? I was just going to suggest this, when he 
 went on : 
 
 "The fact is He hesitated, then flicked his 
 ashes with a sigh. "Oh, well, since I ve said as 
 much as I have, I should go further, I suppose. It s 
 only fair not to leave you in the dark, especially as 
 my daughter was enthusiastically telling me just 
 now" puff "that she already looks on you as one 
 of the family." 
 
 "By Jove, did she though?" I hitched to the 
 front of the chair. "How dev I mean how 
 
 He nodded. "And so I feel justified in talking 
 to you frankly not that I want to prejudice you 
 against Francis, you understand, but just because" 
 his head wagged soberly "Francis won t do!" 
 And he looked at me steadily. 
 
 Something like a sharp pain struck through me. 
 Again and this time from her own father! I just 
 sat there kind of frozen, you know, except that I 
 could feel the smile slowly loosening in my face. 
 He moved to a seat nearer. 
 
 "I don t like to seem to be disparaging my own 
 flesh and blood, Mr. Lightnut," he proceeded 
 gravely, "but the truth is Francis is the only one of 
 my children that gives me any anxiety." 
 
 "Oh!" I felt myself shrink together, my knees
 
 I SPEAK TO HER FATHER 227 
 
 slanting away from him. My dashed monocle hung 
 limp. 
 
 He angled closer. "Jack s drinking is bad that 
 I admit, but perhaps h m he comes by it natu 
 rally; still Jack has never forgotten that he is a 
 gentleman the son of a gentleman and has never 
 been what you would call fast, but " His chest 
 lifted under a deep breath "but Francis -whew!" 
 
 "Fast Frances?" It faltered tremulously from 
 my lips ; my cigar dropped with a soft thud. 
 
 His eyes widened. "Oh, yes frightfully!" And 
 he tendered me another cigar, and I had to light it 
 he made me! "Of course, the mistake was in 
 ever sending Francis away to school not always a 
 wise thing, Mr. Lightnut, especially when the home 
 life has been too cloistered. I think the reaction 
 was too much for one so green and inexperienced 
 as Francis. And extravagance my!" He lifted 
 his hands. "I thought Jack was bad enough at 
 Cambridge with a thousand-dollar apartment on the 
 Gold Coast, as you call it and, by George, you 
 Harvard men have got the right name for it! but 
 Francis beat that in one term s drain on me for 
 poker losses and " 
 
 "Poker?" I moistened my lips. Then I bright 
 ened, for perhaps he meant bridge and that was 
 good form, for there was my Aunt Julia, who lived 
 by it fact! But his head shook impatiently when 
 I suggested that he meant this. 
 
 "Bridge!" he exploded. "Why, Francis doesn t
 
 228 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 know bridge from casino! Poker, I tell you, and 
 faro and all the rest. The plucking was done 
 nightly at a certain er club, the establishment of 
 a gentleman by the name of McGinty Spot Mc- 
 Ginty oh, you know the place, then?" 
 
 For I had gasped audibly. "Only only by repu 
 tation," I responded hastily. 
 
 "Urn, dare say it has got reputation/ all right. I 
 guess, too, there are more crooked things than 
 streets within a couple of miles of Harvard Square, 
 eh? Why, do you know, Francis and a couple of 
 classmates were caught in a raid there one night 
 and lugged off to the station in a patrol I had to 
 bail em out by wire. That s how / know about the 
 place." And, discriminatingly, he selected a fresh 
 cigar and lighted it. 
 
 "You you don t mean they were really ar 
 rested?" I faltered. 
 
 He nodded grimly through a funnel of smoke. 
 "How could they help being? Why, dammit, they 
 were too drunk to get away!" He settled in his 
 seat with a scowl. "I can tell you it was all I could 
 do to stave off expulsion !" 
 
 My jolly head spun. By Jove, Radcliffe girls 
 must have moved on some since my day! Then 
 they were coldly intellectual w T ent in strong for 
 the earnest life, you know the serious purpose ex 
 istence all that sort of thing. All of us looked on 
 them with more or less awe that is, except Smith- 
 ers; he tried some intimate flirtations, one morn-
 
 I SPEAK TO HER FATHER 229 
 
 ing with a bunch in the Botanic Gardens and got 
 stung. He said they were "prunes." 
 
 But Frances and "Spot" McGinty s! Surely I 
 had not heard aright. 
 
 I I faced him earnestly. "I er Judge Billings, 
 do I understand you that is, it can t be that you are 
 speaking of er Frances?" I stammered incredu 
 lously. "I mean your Frances surely you are 
 not!" 
 
 "I just am!" His jaw set with a snap. "J ust 
 who I m talking about and nobody else, young man! 
 I mean, my Francis Francis Leslie Billings who 
 else could I mean?" He almost groaned. "Oh, 
 you don t knozv Francis !" 
 
 Dash it, what they all chorused at me! They 
 seemed pretty positive about it, too, and I was jolly 
 miserable ; but looking back now, I somehow think 
 of that moment as being the point where I reached 
 the parting of the what-you-call- ems. Didn t know 
 what to think, but knew I had to make up my mind 
 right then and there and for always, don t you 
 know. Knew, of course, that it was just pure luck 
 that Frances cared for me realized jolly well I 
 wasn t particularly clever and all that, you know; 
 but she didn t seem to mind. It was then that it 
 came to me all of a sudden that the only dashed 
 thing in all the world that I could give her, that she 
 didn t seem to have already from somebody, was 
 well just trust. 
 
 And, by Jove, as soon as I got hold of this per-
 
 230 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 fectly corking idea, I knew I had it for life, and 
 well, nothing else mattered in all the world, you 
 know! 
 
 Meantime, her father was studying me a little 
 oddly and smiling. 
 
 "I see you don t quite like what I say about Fran 
 cis," he remarked, puffing complacently. 
 
 I looked him straight in the eye. "Frankly, I 
 don t, if you must know," I blurted. Then I 
 screwed my monocle tight and straightened for 
 ward. "By Jove, I think you ought to be ashamed 
 of yourself, you know!" 
 
 "Wh what s th&ttLightmit!" He turned a 
 beet color and grasped the arms of his chair. 
 
 "Oh, I do." I stood up and he followed. "I 
 think if that poor child had had a little er for 
 bearance and kindness that sort of thing oh, dash 
 it, I just think you ve been infernally harsh always 
 yes, I do!" 
 
 "Well, I ll be" He swallowed it, neck for 
 ward, and stood panting a bit. Harsh, eh?" he 
 jerked at me. "Um!" He stood there, his feet 
 braced apart, his white brows beetling at the floor. 
 "Harsh!" He cocked his head on one side, thrust 
 ing out his heavy under-lip. Then came a sniff and 
 a grunt, and oh, he looked black ! 
 
 I was feeling devilish pale you can, you know 
 and a little trembly from excitement. Wasn t quite 
 sure what I had said, but knew jolly well I must 
 have meant it, whatever it was. Knew, of course,
 
 I SPEAK TO HER FATHER 231 
 
 that in another minute it would be his come-back 
 and he would simply slay me. He would look at 
 me coldly through his glasses, bow with dignity, and 
 leave the room. 
 
 And then 
 
 I wondered if Jenkins had a time-table! 
 
 And just then came a quick breath, and I caught 
 a murmur: "I wonder now if, after all, that is 
 true! By George, they say children and " The 
 mutter trailed off. "Here, here, my boy sit down," 
 he exclaimed suddenly ; and he made me. 
 
 "I want to thank you, Lightnut," he said im 
 pressively. "It may be that you are right. Per 
 haps the better course would be gently to reason 
 with Francis." 
 
 "Oh, Judge, I am sure of it," I urged feelingly. 
 
 "Well, well, my boy we ll see." He patted me 
 on the knee. "I m going to try your way by 
 George, I ll do it to-night!" His eyes seemed to 
 hold me with a more kindly and personal interest. 
 "Do you know I can t tell you how glad I am that 
 you find so much in Francis to like; indeed, I am 
 delighted" Still studying me attentively, he mus 
 ingly reached for a fresh light. "In point of fact, 
 Lightnut, I am free to say I hope the intimacy be 
 gun between you two will grow closer. It would be 
 a thundering good thing for Francis and a great 
 comfort to me." 
 
 And, by Jove, he smiled at me a devilish pleas 
 ant smile!
 
 232 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 I sat up straight, uncrossed my legs and tried it 
 over the other way. Awfully helpful dodge, you 
 kno\v, when you are under some mental agitation. 
 
 He was looking at me through his lashes as he 
 drew the flame to his cigar, and I knew that now was 
 the time for me to speak. He expected it had delib 
 erately given me an opening, and a prime one, and 
 now was waiting! Of course he couldn t know 
 that I was so dashed inexperienced unpractised, 
 you know in speaking to a girl s father and that I 
 didn t even know the correct forms and usages. An 
 out-and-out man of the world like Judge Billings 
 just couldn t understand this, don t you know, and 
 to have him suspect the truth oh, it would have 
 been too mortifying too humiliating, dash it! 
 
 So I just leaned forward and made a go : 
 
 "Thanks awfully; and er by the way Then 
 I stuck, boggled wildly an instant and went on : 
 "That is to say, this intimacy, you know has it 
 been too short to justify I gulped. "Er would 
 you be willing to trust And I lost the dashed 
 idea again, floundered a bit and took another shy: 
 "Oh, I say, you know, have I your permission to 
 speak to Frances er you know ?" 
 
 "You speak to Francis?" he just leaped toward 
 me "Why, my boy!" And he was wringing my 
 arm with one hand while the other clasped my shoul 
 der. "My de-e-ear boy -why, Lightnut !" By Jove, 
 he almost gushed! "You re not joking now, are 
 you ?" He peered anxiously into my face. "No, by
 
 I SPEAK TO HER FATHER 233 
 
 George, I believe you really mean it!" And he went 
 to pumping like mad. "How awfully good of you 
 self-sacrificing is the word ! Are you quite sure you 
 don t mind ?" 
 
 "Mind?" By Jove, I think I looked what I felt 
 at such a dashed silly question. 
 
 "Well ! well ! well! My dear young friend !" And 
 oh, he went on in the most disgusting way why, 
 dash it, you would have thought I was doing him 
 some favor ! I guessed, though, that it was the usual 
 custom, but it seemed rum for 7 should have 
 thought that in giving your daughter away, you put 
 the thanks up to the other fellow. But Pugsley says 
 the rule varies quite often varies ! Anyhow, I felt 
 so gratified that I had taken the honorable course 
 and spoken to her father understand so many do 
 not at all, you know. As it was, it gave me quite 
 a comfortable glow of pride, and I reflected how 
 much better it always is to follow the wise dictates 
 of your what s-its-name ! 
 
 "By Jove!" I thought, as I nodded and smiled 
 back, "I wonder what he would say if he knew that 
 Frances and I are already engaged !"
 
 CHAPTER XXV 
 
 THE FAMILY BLACK SHEEP 
 
 T) RESENTLY I got in a word : 
 
 "Then, Judge, I have your permission to 
 speak to Frances ?" 
 
 "Permission?" He lifted his hands and eyes. 
 "You certainly have, my boy don t I make it clear? 
 Why, I m simply delighted and grateful oh, so 
 grateful to you!" 
 
 And, by Jove, he meant it there was no mistak 
 ing his fervency! But it made me feel like a silly 
 ass, you know. Custom or no custom, it just made 
 me a bit nifty to think her father would speak this 
 way. Might be good form, but it appeared rotten 
 taste lots of things seem that way, dash it! Sug 
 gested this to Pugsley once, but he was so devilish 
 shocked couldn t eat his luncheon wasn t able to 
 fetch a dashed word for four hours ! 
 
 "Why, Lightnut," he dropped to a chair, leaning 
 forward, with shining eyes, "you can t possibly 
 know what this means just at this time! Why, if 
 3 ou hadn t offered to speak to Francis, it s not likely 
 that any one else ever would !" 
 
 "Judge!" I ejaculated, shocked. 
 234
 
 THE FAMILY BLACK SHEEP 235 
 
 "Who would want to?" And he grimaced hor 
 ribly. 
 
 "Oh, I say now!" I protested warmly. 
 
 "My boy, I tell you I know you don t!" He 
 lifted his hand eloquently, deflecting the corners of 
 his mouth oh, such a way ! "No, siree, I tell you 
 there s not another living man would dare chance 
 it !" He threw himself backward, puffing his cheeks 
 at me and walling his eyes frightfully. "In fact, 
 hereabouts where Francis is known, there have 
 been two men only just two who ever had the 
 temerity to do it." 
 
 "Oh!" I commented. Wondered if one of these 
 was the other chap she was engaged to. 
 
 He proceeded impressively : "One of these, my 
 dear sir, was our rector a most charming and ven 
 erable old man, now nearly eighty-three and par 
 tially paralyzed and deaf; lives a sweet, patient life 
 all alone, you know, with no one in the world to 
 care for him. Well, sir," he stiffened dramatically, 
 leveling one finger at me, "do you think that Francis 
 would even listen to him?" 
 
 Did I? Well, dash it, did I? 
 
 But I tried to mumble something polite. 
 
 "And then " he puffed as he relighted his cigar, 
 "there s Jack s chauffeur, you know." 
 
 "Eh, Jack s what s that?" I gripped the arms of 
 my chair. 
 
 "Yes," he nodded, "Jack s chauffeur. Oh, I was 
 so disappointed at the result of his effort!" The old
 
 236 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 gentleman slipped back in his chair with a sigh. 
 "Francis just swore at him, you know!" 
 
 By Jove !" I managed to get out and yet, some 
 how, I was devilish pleased about it. 
 
 "You see?" And he spread out his hands. "Ab 
 solutely no sense of appreciation, you observe; and 
 it had seemed such a splendid chance! You see 
 they had been so intimate oh, are still, for that 
 matter." 
 
 I caught my breath. "In intimate!" I stam 
 mered. "You don t mean Frances and this chauf 
 feur?" 
 
 "Oh, yes," carelessly, "Scoggins is all right ; very 
 superior young man for his position fond of Fran 
 cis, you know, and I really think has great in 
 fluence." He puffed complacently an instant. "Fact 
 is, they are always together when Francis is home" 
 puff "motoring, boating, or else off somewhere 
 camping together." 
 
 "Wha-at what s that not camping?" I looked 
 at him aghast. "Oh, come now, Judge really you 
 don t mean that, do you not camping together?" 
 
 I spoke excitedly, but he just stared at me with 
 an expression of blank surprise. 
 
 "Eh? Why, certainly, my dear boy for weeks 
 at a time and why not?" His shift manifested 
 some impatience. "Pshaw, Lightnut," he growled, 
 flicking his ash, "what s the odds why be so par 
 ticular? / don t mind!" He jammed his hands into 
 his trousers pockets till it seemed he would go
 
 THE FAMILY BLACK SHEEP 237 
 
 through them. "I tell you, I m glad I m dem 
 ocratic !" 
 
 "Oh !" I uttered, seeing a light. 
 
 So that was it! Well, in any case, I knew now 
 that I was a republican, by Jove ! Never did know 
 before what I was and it was a devilish relief to 
 find out. Half made up my mind, then and there, 
 I would vote next election never had, you know; 
 few of our set ever did. Pugsley, for one, held it to 
 be doubtful form. 
 
 "Bright, self-made young man," I caught as I 
 came back. By Jove, he was still talking about that 
 beastly chauffeur! "Such fine morals, you know." 
 
 "Oh, dash it, yes!" And I think this must have 
 been when I broke the corner out of a filling. 
 
 "That was why I was so sorry he failed with 
 Francis," he continued regretfully, "but you may 
 succeed better oh, I don t know but what it will 
 do just as well !" 
 
 "Thanks er awfully!" I murmured weakly. 
 
 "Oh, I think so oh, yes!" He bobbed his head 
 as though he were quite resigned to it then went 
 on thoughtfully : 
 
 "And anyhow, if Francis finds you are in deadly 
 earnest, why it " His voice dropped off musingly : 
 "Well, I believe that would make it easier oh, lots 
 easier for Scoggins." 
 
 I blinked a little with my free eye. 
 
 Wasn t sure, you know, but somehow it seemed 
 to me a rum thing to say almost offensive, dash
 
 238 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 it! But then, for that matter, everything was rum 
 of late so that counted for nothing. Fact was, it 
 just seemed to me like there was something in the 
 air everybody seemed so queer well, jolly mud 
 dled, I should call it! Idea had been gradually 
 coming to me that I was the only one who appeared 
 to have any clear understanding of things; and 
 somehow the realization just made me devilish nerv 
 ous the responsibility, don t you know ! 
 
 And just then the judge looked suddenly at his 
 watch, muttered something, and hitched up to the 
 table strewn with papers. He bent over these with 
 a frown, coughed oddly, glanced at me and bent 
 again with a mutter. Of course, I saw he was an 
 noyed over sudden consciousness of the break he 
 had made, and was striving to cover his embarrass 
 ment. 
 
 And, by Jove, it seemed to me he ought to fed 
 embarrassed, for the very rummest thing yet was 
 this crazy infatuation for this infernal chauffeur. 
 It was pitiful oh, disgusting, if you ask me 
 and the more so because it was something she did 
 not share. I knew she didn t, you know! No, it 
 was plain enough, dash it, that between her fa 
 ther and this mucker of a chauffeur, my poor dar 
 ling was being crowded to the what s-its-name. 
 This was what she had meant had hinted at and, 
 by Jove, I was ready to wager anything on it ; eager 
 to put up all I was worth, you know ! 
 
 Didn t know, dash it, how much I was worth
 
 THE FAMILY BLACK SHEEP 239 
 
 Went down in Wall Street one day and asked old 
 Morley, my man of affairs, but forgot what he said. 
 Never could remember afterward whether it was 
 one million or ten and always hated to ask again. 
 
 Truth was he had stared at me so and seemed so 
 oddly surprised, I just worked off some jolly apolo 
 getic rubbish and got out. Pugsley thought I must 
 have violated some rotten, silly law of commercial 
 ethics that sort of thing, you know ; declared that 
 his attorney had had the dashed impertinence once 
 to ask him about some investments, so he got an 
 other man and gave him a power of what s-its- 
 name. Never was bothered now, he said, by checks 
 or reports or any boring distractions of that sort ; 
 this man just kept him supplied with money, and 
 once in a while he scrawled his name on something 
 all he had to do. Devilish simple, you see, but 
 then Pugsley is so ingenious, so oh, clever, you 
 know. 
 
 "H m!" coughed the judge, "Er h m!" And I 
 stopped snapping the cover of my cigarette case, 
 thinking he was about to say something, but he did 
 not look up. By Jove, how I wished that he were 
 really busy, so I might slip out without danger of 
 offending him ! But I was afraid to chance it did 
 so want to rub him right, don t you know, on ac 
 count of Frances. Knew he was still feeling a bit 
 plucked over his slip of the tongue showed plainly 
 he was bothered, you know; you could tell by his 
 puckered brows and the way he kept clearing his
 
 240 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 throat. So meantime, knowing that the best thing 
 was to appear unconscious just give him time, you 
 know I fell carelessly to jingling some coins in my 
 pocket and tapping my foot upon the hardwood, as 
 I hummed a devilish neat little air from La Juive 
 that I almost knew by heart : 
 
 "Qu il, Vapprenne de vousf 
 Helas, je vous implore, benissez mon epoux " 
 
 By Jove, I had just got that far, when he shook 
 his head with a kind of snort, threw down his pen, 
 and got to his feet, facing me with a sickly smile. 
 
 "I am going to asfe you to excuse me, my dear 
 Lightnut" came right out frankly like that, you 
 know! "But the fact is " he opened and shut his 
 watch nervously, you know "I have just realized 
 how" 
 
 But I stopped him couldn t let him go on, of 
 course : "Oh, I say, you know ! Not another word, 
 my dear Judge I don t care a jolly hang, dash it!" 
 And to show him. I smiled, got out a cigarette, and 
 perched kind of sidewise on the edge of the table. 
 "I m not a bit sensitive, don t you know !" 
 
 He stared. "Indeed, no I see you are not!" he 
 said warmly. 
 
 I drew a light a bit airily. "Of course," I puffed, 
 "what you are thinking of is your servant, but I" 
 I shot him a light wink "I ve got to think a little 
 about my own affair, don t you " 
 "Lightnut!" He caught me by the arms, his face
 
 THE FAMILY BLACK SHEEP 241 
 
 reddened almost black. "My dear boy, ten thou 
 sand pardons ! I assure you " 
 
 "That s just all right, Judge," I reassured him 
 soothingly. "All I am holding out for is just to be 
 sure we understand each other about Frances that 
 I may be sure I have your authority " 
 
 "So that s it!" He relaxed with a deep breath. 
 Then quietly : "My dear boy, you make me ashamed 
 of myself I was rude!" And he shook my hand. 
 "Yes, indeed you just go right ahead ; almost any 
 thing is preferable to the vicious life Francis is lead 
 ing anything!" He sighed and his voice dropped 
 confidentially: "I m afraid even you would be dis 
 couraged if I told you of one or two disgraceful epi 
 sodes at Cambridge I know Scoggins would be!" 
 
 Scoggins again always Scoggins! Dash Scog 
 gins ! Of course he would be discouraged, but I 
 should not. Devilish simple reason, you know 
 wouldn t believe it, by Jove ! 
 
 "Yes, I learned all about it from my daughter 
 when she came home," he proceeded gloomily ; "she 
 feels that in a measure it has marred Miss Kirk- 
 land s visit with her." 
 
 Miss Kirkland ! I recalled now that that was the 
 name of the girl from China. By Jove, / preferred 
 to thmk of her as the frump ! 
 
 "For Miss Kirkland heard the gossip at Cam 
 bridge seems she has friends there among the resi 
 dents ; and they were kind enough to tell her of 
 these things of the year before as soon as they no-
 
 242 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 ticed how devoted Francis was to her. At least this 
 is what my daughter suspects Miss Kirkland is not 
 the kind to talk, you know." 
 
 Oh, wasn t she! By Jove, I wondered what he 
 would think if he had heard our conversation in the 
 hall ! But it wasn t for me to tell him he was warm 
 ing a what s-its-name to his bosom, so I just mum 
 bled a reply. 
 
 "Nevertheless," he shrugged, "it is easy to see 
 that she can t stand the sight of Francis." He shook 
 his head dismally. "Charming girl, Mr. Lightnut 
 a rare and perfect type of the English beauty at her 
 best." 
 
 Oh, was she! Not if I knew anything about it, 
 and I had seen three seasons in London. By Jove, 
 I was so terribly shocked I could just feel it in my 
 face! 
 
 He seemed surprised. "Don t you think so?" he 
 insisted. 
 
 "Well, I rather don t, you know !" It just blurted 
 out of itself. "Oh, I say now, you re not really in 
 earnest?" And I screwed my glass so hard in my 
 embarrassment, I hurt my eye "You know she s 
 a freak! Why, dash it I pulled up, for after 
 all, she was a fellow guest. 
 
 He stared, jammed his hands deep in his pockets 
 and bent toward me. "Now, look here, my boy, do 
 you mean to say you don t think Miss Kirkland a 
 beautiful and winning girl?" I guess he did see I 
 meant it, for he slowly emitted an expressive whis-
 
 THE FAMILY BLACK SHEEP 243 
 
 tie "Well, you are hopeless then utterly hope 
 less!" and dash it, he just groaned! 
 
 "But now, my dear young friend," he went on, 
 and with a glance at the littered table, "I want you 
 to go out and get some fresh air before the bloom 
 of the morning is past if you go out this way, you 
 will avoid encountering those girls" his hand gen 
 tly but firmly urged me. "It has been just abomina 
 bly selfish of me to have kept you stuffed in here ; I 
 know I have bored you to death with all this about 
 the family black sheep I feel that now I must let 
 you escape." 
 
 "Oh, no not at all!" I protested hastily and pull 
 ing back. Never would do to let him feel that way, 
 you know ! "Really, pon honor now, thing I want 
 to do is just stay here and talk to you about 
 Frances." 
 
 "Oh, damn Fran h m I mean Francis will 
 keep!" He caught himself hastily before the stare 
 of my glass, fumbling with the papers to cover his 
 confusion. Then he clapped me on the shoulder, 
 pressing me again toward the door. "You just go 
 ahead and do whatever you can with Francis your 
 self you are my only hope! Or wait, and I ll pre 
 pare the way for you to-night that s it , that s 
 best!" and he went to nodding. Then he halted 
 my progress and eyed me intently. "There s an 
 other thing:" his voice dropped "I think it s just 
 as well Jack shouldn t know of your intentions 
 about Francis ; he would never approve oh, never!"
 
 244 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 He pursed his lips to just a thin curve as he shook 
 his head positively. His eyes bored at me over his 
 glasses. I moistened my lips. 
 
 "I know he feels you have already concerned 
 yourself enough about Francis," he said deliber 
 ately. "The other night at your rooms er, you 
 know ! Jack is so particular in those little things. 
 Ah, there s a model for you !" 
 
 He looked upward and wagged his head as he 
 laid his hand upon the door-knob. By Jove, how 
 I wished he would open it, for the room was getting 
 devilish warm! 
 
 "And as for things I deplore in Francis oh, no, 
 never any of that with Jack !" he stiffened proud 
 ly "he may, as I have said, imbibe a little too 
 much, now and then ; but when it comes to scandal 
 well, I have yet to hear the slightest breath " 
 
 A sharp knock cut in abruptly. 
 
 "Come in !" And he swung the door open.
 
 CHAPTER XXVI 
 
 FLORA 
 
 IN the doorway stood the butler, looking rather 
 pale. With him was a woman one of the an 
 gular sort, you know, and whom I judged to be the 
 housekeeper. 
 
 She wasn t pale ! No, by Jove, she was fiery red, 
 even to her hair ; and red, too, the anvil sparks that 
 were snapping from her eyes. She marched right 
 in, followed by Wilkes, who carefully closed the 
 door then stood discreetly aloof. Pantingly, she 
 faced the judge, who was staring at her in amaze 
 ment. 
 
 "Why, Miss Warfield," he began, "what" 
 
 "Judge Billings !" she exploded. And, by Jove, it 
 was like the blast from a mighty bellows! "It s 
 about Mr. Jack!" 
 
 The judge s face flushed apprehensively. 
 
 "Jack about Jack?" he repeated. "Is he er 
 worse?" 
 
 "Worse?" The bellows inflated sharply. "Worse 
 is just it it s the shock of finding out things I 
 never even suspected!" She whirled upon the but 
 ler. 
 
 245
 
 246 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 "You tell him !" she snapped sharply. 
 
 Wilkes shivered as under a sudden cold what s- 
 its-name. He looked at her protestingly, his eye 
 cutting a suggestive hint of my presence. 
 
 "Oh, go on!" the judge nodded to him with 
 some impatience. "It s all right Mr. Lightnut is 
 like one of us. Out with it, whatever it is !" 
 
 "Yes, sir." Wilkes coughed acquiescence, but 
 shot a glance, half- reproachful, half -apprehensive, 
 at the housekeeper. 
 
 She straightened, bristlingly. 
 
 "Are you going to tell him or not and you a 
 man? or will you put it on me?" And she began 
 to inflate again. 
 
 The poor devil took the plunge : 
 
 "The fact is, sir, Mr. Jack h m!" he fidgeted 
 through an instant s misery, then let it come : "It s 
 about him and one of the maids, sir!" 
 
 "Wh-a-a-t?" 
 
 In the jaw-twisting roar, the judge all but lost his 
 plate his hand came up just in time to save it. As 
 for Wilkes, his portly figure seemed to lift, balloon- 
 like, from the floor for an instant, then settled back. 
 
 "It s Flora, sir," he uttered faintly. 
 
 "Flora?" 
 
 "Yes, sir." And Wilkes quailed before the 
 judge s brows. 
 
 Miss Warfield sniffed. 
 
 The judge scowled at her. "Are you both crazy?" 
 he demanded. "What is all this what is it you
 
 FLORA 247 
 
 have to tell ? Say it all in a word one or the other 
 of you and have done!" His jaw settled with a 
 snap. 
 
 The housekeeper assumed an injured air. "Well, 
 sir," she said with a toss, "it just means this : either 
 I or Flora go at the end of this week I give notice 
 now!" 
 
 "All right," said the judge with a sort of bland 
 ugliness, "then that s settled you go ! That is, un 
 less you can get right down to brass tacks this in 
 stant and say what you ve got to say." 
 
 And, black as thunder, the old boy laid his hand 
 upon the knob. By Jove, it did me good to see her 
 crinkle up ! 
 
 "I m sure I beg your pardon, Judge," she said, 
 her voice modifying to a snuffling twang, "but this 
 has so upset my nerves Mr. Jack, of all men !" 
 She fumbled for her handkerchief before she found 
 it Pugsley says they always do! "Such talk, sir! 
 I never " With a kind of gurgle, she suddenly 
 flopped into the nearest chair and lay there, wrig 
 gling like a jolly auto freshly cranked, and snorting 
 like its horn. 
 
 The judge, with head down, glared at her through 
 his glasses. 
 
 "Talk? That s nothing!" he uttered a snort. 
 "Why, hang it, madam, he s drunk! Can t you have 
 a little Christian charity and put yourself in his 
 place? The poor boy doesn t know what he s say- 
 ing!"
 
 248 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 She looked up with a head jerk. "That s it 
 that s just what makes it so awful," she sniveled; 
 "the revelations, you know!" 
 
 "Revelations, fiddlesticks!" champed the judge, 
 and he jerked his head to the butler. "Go on, 
 Wilkes ! What has Mr. Billings said that s queerer 
 than er usual ?" 
 
 Wilkes rubbed his neck. "Well, sir, to my think 
 ing, it ain t so much what he s said that s queer 
 leastwise, it wasn t at first as what he did. First 
 off, there was his stalling about taking his bath, 
 which was on-usual, for Perkins says, generally 
 speaking, he s right keen for it more specially 
 when he s rather well soused " Wilkes coughed. 
 "H m ! I beg your pardon, sir ! Anyhow, this time 
 he wouldn t have it at all ; no, sir ! He was very ex 
 cited about it kinder out of his head, I may say 
 and buttonholed me and Perkins and went on a 
 whole lot about only the under man being no, let 
 me see, lower man was what he said the lower 
 man being an an" Wilkes brows contracted as 
 he strained for it "an am h m funny I can t 
 remember that word a amfibby something 
 Well, anyhow, he said he never used water ;r-ter- 
 nally." 
 
 A penetrating moan from the handkerchief star 
 tled us. 
 
 "Then then he never uses it at at all!" came in 
 a muffled wail. 
 
 The judge s teeth glittered at her in one united
 
 FLORA 249 
 
 row ; then he jerked a nod to Wilkes. "Go on !" he 
 commanded shortly. 
 
 But the butler was glooming sullenly at the fiery 
 head that topped the bundle of black. 
 
 "He does, too !" he protested. " Cause Perkins 
 asked him if he wouldn t like some ice-water and he 
 said he would if he might drink it his own way." 
 
 "His own way um well?" 
 
 "And when Perkins brought it, he poured it down 
 his neck yes, sir, every drop " 
 
 The master cut in irritably : "His neck con 
 found it, man, tell your story without slang or 
 leave off ! You know I detest 
 
 "Not slang, sir" hastily "his neck outside, I 
 mean " 
 
 "Oh, stuff !" incredulously "mean to tell me" 
 
 "He did, sir I ll swear it !" The butler was re 
 spectful, but firm as the rock of what s-its-name. 
 "Perkins tried to stop him and says : Wait a minute, 
 Mr. Jack you re making a mistake it ain t round 
 there; it s in front, you know! And he turned on 
 Perkins with a scowl something awful, and his lan- 
 gwige well, it wasn t langwige at all! Perkins 
 thought He paused. 
 
 "Um!" The judge had drawn me aside. "The 
 alienation is unusual what do you think, Light- 
 nut?" he looked grave "it doesn t seem the ordi 
 nary hiatus the passing alcoholic dementia, you 
 know there seems in it something hydrophobic 
 eh?"
 
 250 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 "Oh, dash it, yes that s all!" I said offhand- 
 just took a chance, don t you know ! 
 
 "Um !" He blinked at me ; then faced square 
 about. "I guess I d better go up; perhaps when he 
 sees me " 
 
 He halted, leveling a stern glance at Wilkes. 
 
 "What the dev what are you grinning about?" 
 he rasped. 
 
 "I m not, sir!" And the butler s hand came 
 down, revealing a sobered countenance. "I was just 
 a-wondering if he would try to get you to put on the 
 pajamas he did all the rest of us, even His eye 
 angled cautiously at the housekeeper, then batted at 
 us significantly as her red head wriggled deeper. 
 "Fact is, I think he s kinder gone off about pajamas 
 just as I told you, sir." His glance appealed to 
 me. "Yes, sir, when I took you his message you 
 know and brought back yours, it was even more 
 so then." 
 
 I felt myself get devilish red, then pale, for the 
 judge s eyes were on me. 
 
 "Yes," he muttered, still looking at me, "he was 
 telling me something the other day about some silk 
 pajamas." 
 
 And then I knew he knew! 
 
 "Yes, sir," continued Wilkes, "when I got back 
 with your message, Mr. Lightnut, he seemed to get 
 more excited about them about pajamas, I mean, 
 He talked to me and Perkins through the door 
 crack and wanted one of us to put em on in the
 
 FLORA 251 
 
 interests of science, he called it and offered to 
 pass em out." 
 
 "Poor fellow poor fellow!" and the judge 
 looked pitiful "well, why didn t you humor him?" 
 
 "I I don t know, sir!" The butler looked em 
 barrassed. "And, anyhow, it was just then Mrs. 
 Warfield came, and he tried to get " 
 
 "Oo-o-o-o !" from the black bundle. 
 
 "And then Wilkes hesitated, looking uneasy. 
 
 "Go on, man!" 
 
 The butler coughed faintly. "Well, sir, when she 
 h m refused it was then he asked for Flora. 
 All right, then you bring me my Flora/ was what 
 he said, and he sounded irritated like. Beg pardon, 
 sir? says Perkins, putting his head to the crack 
 kinder inquiringly. My Flora, man! he comes 
 back sharp; just find and bring my Flora and 
 some pins; he seemed particular about the pins 
 if I ve got to stay alone, I want something to divert 
 me I want my Flora ! And the butler mopped 
 his forehead. 
 
 The bundle erected itself. "His wild Flora, was 
 what he said," Miss Warfield corrected sharply ; "he 
 said he wanted to embrace 
 
 "Press," Wilkes corrected in turn. 
 
 She inflated with one drive of the piston. "If 
 there s any difference, 7 don t know it !" came in a 
 blow-out. And, dash me, if I believe she did. She 
 looked it, by Jove ! 
 
 She faced the judge, who was leaning back
 
 252 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 against the table, looking kind of punctured, don t 
 you know. By Jove, it seemed to me he had grown 
 five years older in as many minutes ! 
 
 This seemed to brighten her. "Wanted to press 
 his wild Flora his very words !" her voice rasped. 
 
 My, but that woman looked vicious! She blew 
 her nose, crossed her hands, and propped herself on 
 one foot with an air of ladylike resignation. 
 
 "I was so shocked you might have knocked me 
 over with a feather, but I managed to speak to him 
 I don t know how I ever did it ! and I said : 
 You don t mean Flora, sir you can t treat Flora 
 that way! And if you could have seen the way he 
 flew to pieces ! Why can t I ? he yelled at me. Do 
 you think I haven t done it before? Exactly what 
 he said and I could hardly believe my ears; and 
 then" here she began to wabble and the handker 
 chief came up "then he he called me a wo- 
 woman !" 
 
 And, by Jove, she was off the road ! 
 
 But it seemed to give the judge new interest in 
 life! He just needed some jolly thing, you know; 
 and now he flared up sudden and went up in the air 
 like a freshly touched-off what s-its-name : 
 
 "A woman?" His cheeks blew out like little red 
 balloons. "Well, dammit, madam, what are you 
 aren t you a woman?" hands on hips he just 
 howled it at her "what do you think you are?" 
 
 For an instant she quailed before him like the
 
 FLORA 253 
 
 stricken what-you-call-it but only for an instant! 
 Then her long neck coiled back and her eyes glit 
 tered beady and snake-like; I heard a sort of rattle 
 in her throat, and then, of course, I knew she was 
 going to strike and she did ! 
 
 "Very good, Judge!" She sniffed it. "Still it s 
 my duty to tell you or any one that asks me, for 
 that matter exactly what Mr. Jack said!" She 
 moistened her lips with the end of a red tongue, and 
 clucked in a sad, pitying sort of way. "Your son 
 looked straight at me through the door-crack and 
 laughed in the most contemptuous way, and he said : 
 You just leave my Flora to me, woman! This 
 time you re talking of something you know nothing 
 about and never did know why, I ve pressed Flora 
 a thousand times ! yes, sir, just what he said !" 
 she whirled on Wilkes "you heard him say it, 
 too!" 
 
 The butler s sullen eye-droop admitted it. 
 
 "Huh!" And she tossed her head back with a 
 nasty smile. 
 
 By Jove, she had got the judge full and square 
 you could see it as he stood there looking down, 
 his face jolly gray and drawn and his under-lip kind 
 of dragging through his teeth. He was a gamey old 
 boy, but he had had a devilish hard knock where he 
 lived you know Jack! 
 
 "George!" just a deep breath, you know then 
 he faced me. "You will excuse me, Lightnut? I
 
 254 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 must see to this." And he walked out, followed by 
 Wilkes. 
 
 Somehow, dash it, it just bowled me over to see 
 his gray hairs humbled in this way to the what- 
 you-call-it he had such a devilish few of em left, 
 too, you know! So, before I knew it, I had walked 
 right up to the old mountain cat and took a hand 
 myself. 
 
 "I say, you know!" I said, screwing my monocle 
 down on her. "Too devilish bad you ve got yourself 
 in such a pickle 
 
 "Me in a pickle?" she snorted. "Huh!" and her 
 ropy neck went up again, but I struck first : 
 
 "You ve played smash, don t you know," I went 
 on, tightening my glass. "Awfully sorry just 
 wanted to give you a hint. You know this sort of 
 thing s against the law something or other crim 
 inal malicious libel or malfeasance or er felo 
 nious assault or some dashed thing of that sort" 
 her eyes began to widen "Oh, yes," I drawled, 
 "you re in for the very deuce of a scrape unless you 
 keep quiet!" 
 
 "Who says so?" she tried to bridle. 
 
 "/ do!" I said, boring her steadily. "Witness, 
 you know! So is Wilkes both of us to whatever 
 dashed thing it is the judge decides you ve done / 
 don t know, you know!" I shrugged carelessly. 
 "But he knows he s a lawyer and of course he ll 
 explain it to Wilkes and me as witnesses. That s
 
 FLORA 255 
 
 what witnesses are for, don t you know ! Better go 
 to your room and await arrest quietly." 
 
 "Oh!" She kind of caught her breath, turning 
 green and dropping her skinny hand upon a chair- 
 back. And I was going on explaining to her, when 
 I looked up and there was Jenkins. 
 
 " Pardon, sir," he said, looking at me oddly, "but 
 there s a caller waiting, and he was so urgent and 
 particular, I came 
 
 "Card !" I suggested, extending a couple of 
 fingers. 
 
 Jenkins looked shocked and his arms remained 
 rigidly down. 
 
 "Oh," I said, polishing my glass, "the gentleman 
 is he one of my " 
 
 "It ain t a gentleman, sir," Jenkins got it out 
 with difficulty ; "it s only just er a person !" 
 
 "Eh ? Oh, I say, now, Jenkins !" I protested. 
 
 "A person from the Jenkins blinked. "In fact, 
 a police person his chin went up and he so far 
 forgot himself as to indulge in a sniff "come to 
 see you about " his eyebrows angled a lofty pro 
 test at the housekeeper s strained poise "h m to 
 see you about you know!" 
 
 I was dashed if I knew but not so Miss War- 
 field! She gave a sudden gasp and whirled herself 
 in front of me, hands up and clasped like the other 
 woman in a jolly play you know. 
 
 "Oh, sir !" she tremuloed, "Please please "
 
 256 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 "Eh?" I said in alarm and stepping back, for, 
 dash it, / didn t know what she wanted ; and for a 
 moment I had an awful thought she wanted me to 
 you know! But the next second, I had her right. 
 
 "Urn !" I said, tightening my lips. "Well, I ll see!" 
 And she looked so white white as the driven 
 what s-its-name, you know that I felt my devilish 
 heart go out to her a bit. "All right," I added sooth 
 ingly, "you just go on about your duties and sit 
 tight, you know, and I ll see if I can er fix 
 things !" 
 
 And, by Jove, I got past just in time to keep her 
 from catching my hand and wringing herself over it. 
 
 "What the deuce " I began outside, as Jenkins 
 steered me toward the porte-cochere. 
 
 He looked warily at the footman waiting to serve 
 us at the door dashed if he didn t almost lay his 
 hand on my arm ! 
 
 Then, behind his hand : "It s about the pajamas, 
 sir!" 
 
 "Eh?" I gasped, falling back. 
 
 He stooped after me and his breath tickled my 
 ear: 
 
 "Hers, sir ! You know, that night h m !" 
 
 "Oh!" I said faintly. And this time he did catch 
 my arm, and I was devilish glad, by Jove !
 
 CHAPTER XXVII 
 
 I RECOVER THE PAJAMAS 
 
 swinging his club and kicking his 
 heel in the macadam, I found a fat policeman 
 from New York, I knew by his helmet. 
 
 He turned and I saw O Keefe! 
 
 "Oh, there you are, sir!" And with a careless 
 duck and a wave, he ambled forward and placed in 
 my hands a parcel. 
 
 "It s them, all right!" he said with a fat wink. 
 "The black silk pajamas we got em, you see !" 
 
 "Jove!" I ejaculated, staring. Then suddenly I 
 got the jolly idea full and strong, you know, and I 
 was just so dashed relieved and delighted, I shook 
 hands with him fact ! 
 
 "Oh, I say, Jenkins," I remarked, twisting my 
 glass at him, "by Jove, you know eh ?" 
 
 "Certainly, sir!" Jenkins admitted calmly. "I 
 knew in a minute soon as he told me!" 
 
 And, by Jove, I believed him ! Had to, you know ; 
 it was only just one instance of the devilish clever, 
 intuitive way Jenkins had of boring into things ! 
 
 "Yes, sir," O Keefe thoughtfully transferred a 
 big wad to the other cheek "the captain gave me a 
 
 257
 
 258 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 little lay off so s I could bring em up," he studied 
 with interest the top of one of the pillars of the 
 porte-cochere and shrugged lightly "of course it 
 wasn t just because of the reward, though of course 
 five hundred bucks is five hundred bucks, but we 
 thought you might like to have em thank you, 
 sir!" For out of my folder I peeled five crisp cen 
 turies and laid them in his palm. 
 
 This done, Jenkins glanced at me and turned sug 
 gestively toward the entrance, but O Keefe didn t 
 make a move to go and no more did I. Fact was, I 
 had a devilish keen notion that the old cat up-stairs 
 would be watching for the policeman s departure 
 through the grounds, and it came to me that to play 
 him a little longer wouldn t do any harm, but might 
 seal her jolly mouth the tighter. 
 
 O Keefe thanked me again. "You re sure solid 
 with the force, sir," he assured, nodding earnestly. 
 "Just remember my number and the name of Captain 
 Clutchem if any time in town you get rounded up 
 in any of our little er, you know!" he dropped a 
 cheerful wink at me and glanced again at the bills. 
 "Expect maybe you re anxious to know if Tim gets 
 a divy outer this," he proceeded; and I murmured 
 some jolly something. Of course, I wasn t anxious, 
 you know ; fact is, I didn t care a dash didn t even 
 remember who Tim was. "Yes, siree, he ll get ten of 
 this !" he finished impressively. 
 
 Meantime, he had been hunching himself up until 
 now he succeeded in wrenching from somewhere be-
 
 I RECOVER THE PAJAMAS 259 
 
 hind, a ragged and shiny old wallet, bulging with 
 worn and greasy papers. Within this, with a flour 
 ish, he laid the bills. 
 
 Then he faced us with an air of increased cheer 
 fulness. 
 
 "So much all for the velvet!" he remarked with 
 another wink. 
 
 Of course it was of no importance to set him right 
 about the material ; as for that, I didn t care a jolly 
 hang if he thought they were made of linoleum! 
 But it gave me the idea of just peeking into a corner 
 of the parcel to satisfy myself that its contents were 
 of filmy black silk and they were! I went no fur 
 ther; not for all the gold of what s-its-name would 
 I have profaned the package with further investiga 
 tion. 
 
 "Why, sir, I don t think you need be worrying 
 but what they re all right," and the big policeman 
 nodded confidently; "in fact there don t seem to be 
 no damage at all." He added meditatively : "Which 
 is some wonder, considering how we had to rough- 
 house Foxy Grandpa before we softened him down 
 in his cell th other night." Here his cheeks swelled 
 and he sent a long sheaf of brown liquid at a grass 
 hopper on the freshly whitened door-stones and 
 got it, too, neatly missing the polished toe of Jen- 
 kins boot. "No, sir!" emphatically "I don t 
 think you ll be hearing any holler from your lady 
 friend when she goes to eh, what?"-- he stared at 
 Jenkins blankly, for Jenkins had coughed "Oh,
 
 260 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 excuse me!" and his big hand lifted apologetically 
 to his mouth, while his eyes rolled upward "What 
 I just meant was that I know they re all to the good ; 
 I went all over em !" 
 
 "Oh!" I muttered, turning rather faint. I dropped 
 the parcel and Jenkins picked it up. By Jove, for a 
 moment, he came jolly near having to pick me up, 
 too, I was that shocked and prostrated ! 
 
 "The only thing the only thing tall I had 
 to wait through an agonizing moment while his 
 tongue gathered his wad and peremptorily expelled 
 it, this time enlivening the cold, dead monotony of 
 the silver-gray macadam "was her I mean, was 
 the pants." 
 
 "Ah-h !" I put my hand to my side and looked at 
 Jenkins appealingly, but he was looking upward, his 
 eyes kind of cast over like a bird s; the lines of his 
 mouth tightened to an arch and I knew he was 
 suffering too! But we must try to stand it a little 
 longer just a little ! 
 
 Through one instant s respite, Mr. O Keefe s 
 thick tongue was occupied in striving to glutenize 
 the entire wrapper of a much crushed and awfully 
 yellow cigar. Then he separated a mouthful from 
 the end and proceeded : 
 
 "I did notice with the legs, that one of em was 
 just a bit longer than th other, and down at the 
 station we was a wondering if " the brown head 
 of a crackling match drew a long, curving what-you- 
 call-it on the smooth, creamy masonry, and he
 
 I RECOVER THE PAJAMAS 261 
 
 paused to pump madly, striving to coax a draft of 
 smoke "we wondered if twas intentional. 3 His 
 eyes sought mine inquiringly. 
 
 By Jove, I was so frozen with horror, I couldn t 
 even look away; just stood there, helpless, you 
 know, and my jolly monocle hanging limp couldn t 
 have lifted it to have saved my life! Felt my senses 
 just growing numb all the while with the tragedy 
 of the thing, the thought of this coarse monster s 
 touch defiling the dainty, gossamer garment that had 
 shrouded her sacred what-you-call- ems Oh, it was 
 awful! 
 
 I wondered if the housekeeper could be looking 
 still from her tower, like Sister Anne in the story 
 of what s-his-name ! Perhaps, if I could, I would 
 better hold out just 
 
 "Um ah, I see! It was, then!" he was nod 
 ding with an air of understanding, pausing in the 
 struggle with the refractory cigar. His strained and 
 reddened face shaped sympathetically. "Just what / 
 thought and told em!" he bobbed with satisfaction. 
 "7 understand! You ain t got no need to make no 
 explanations to me!" and he lifted his fat hand to 
 restrain them. "Why, my wife s own grandmother 
 had a club foot, and to her last day if she got outer 
 bed on the wrong side, the old lady went a header 
 sure oh, I know !" 
 
 A moment before, I had thought that so far as- 
 the mere matter of jolly misery was concerned, I 
 had sounded the what-you-call- ems; but now my
 
 262 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 dashed brain was reeling before this new horror! 
 To think that she was but oh, it couldn t be ! And 
 yet I recalled ominously that most of the time I had 
 known her, I had only seen her sitting! 
 
 Mr. O Keefe exerted another vain pull at his 
 cigar and poised it critically between his fingers. 
 "I don t seem to make this piece of rope go," he re 
 marked superfluously, and I thought his eye cut me 
 with a mild reproach. There was nothing to do but 
 take the hint and produce my case just refilled in 
 my room with Paloma perfectos. Oh, I was glad to 
 do it, by Jove! glad to be able to do it devilish 
 glad to find I wasn t paralyzed, I mean! 
 
 "Why, thanks!" His fingers only removed three 
 cigars, but I just made him take them all ! Oh, yes, 
 for the case would have to be refilled now, anyhow, 
 dash it ! 
 
 "By-y-y the way, sir!" He closed one eye at me 
 as he carved from the brown beauty a half inch of 
 its waxy bud, using for the maltreatment a per 
 fectly brutal knife. "That was a neat try-on you 
 made to copper the thief yourself a Icetle irregu 
 lar, you know," he shook his head at me, "but, as 
 the captain said, we ain t making no point about 
 that with a gent like you sure not !" another im 
 perishable line of beauty upon the receptive stone, 
 and he puffed inhalations of joy. "But I knew you 
 never could get him to the station I could have told 
 you." 
 
 "Oh!" I remarked, puzzled. By Jove, I had a
 
 I RECOVER THE PAJAMAS 263 
 
 dashed awful thought for a moment that I must be 
 losing my intelligence! I looked at Jenkins again, 
 but he had not yet come back to the ground. 
 
 "Oh, I m on, sir!" Another one of those awful 
 winks as his club scratched his helmet sideways. 
 "You know I saw everything I was right there at 
 the Kahoka, you know !" 
 
 "Oh, that!" I said, understanding. For I knew 
 then that he was talking about Foxy Grandpa in my 
 rooms. I had almost forgotten the jolly old vaga 
 bond, but it occurred to me that perhaps I ought to 
 show some interest as they must have recaptured 
 him along with the pajamas. "I say!" I chirped up, 
 "did you have much trouble about it getting him 
 again, you know?" 
 
 "Trouble?" O Keefe s lip doubled contemptu 
 ously. "It was easy as butter!" His hand spread, 
 palm downward, in an expressive gesture. "Why, he 
 doubled right back to the Kahoka !" 
 
 "By Jove, you know !" I exclaimed, startled. 
 
 "Surest thing you know ! I collared him right in 
 front and with the goods!" Mr. O Keefe expecto 
 rated eloquently. "My, but he did put up an awful 
 holler said the pajamas were his own and he had 
 just had em made. And bluff well!" he fanned 
 the air for a moment in the effort to find an appro 
 priate gesture "I m used to these swell con men, 
 but that gun was the limit pulled out a card case, 
 mind you, and letters, and wanted me to go with 
 him to his club his club " the big fellow doubled
 
 264 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 over in a spasm of mirth that all but choktd him. 
 "I told him I d give him the club if he dHn t go 
 quietly for you see I recognized him in a minute; 
 you can t lose them freak kind ! Besides, he give 
 himself away: told me he d overlook my conduct 
 on this occasion and the other, if I would release 
 him. Well, that was enough! I beckoned Jimmy 
 Dwyer across and we run him down the line to the 
 station. Oh, we got him there, but it wasn t easy 
 for him! And there he ll stay a while!" 
 
 He had to pause and pump air, he was so winded. 
 
 "Jove!" I said absently. Fact is, I was getting 
 jolly tired standing so long never had stood so 
 long that I could remember. Wondered if the house 
 keeper wasn t getting tired, too, wherever she was 
 watching from ! Better give her a few minutes more, 
 though; so I shifted to the other leg, but yawned 
 comfortably and openly. As for Jenkins, he had 
 just frozen up like a jolly image, his eyes getting 
 filmier and duller as O Keefe proceeded, his chin 
 gradually working higher and his mouth corners 
 lower, until now they almost pointed to the ground. 
 He was impressive and devilish correct, but some 
 how the whole dashed thing seemed lost on O Keefe. 
 
 He even asked Jenkins for a match but of course 
 received no attention. "Gone off in a trance!" he 
 said to me, with a vulgar jerk of his fat thumb. And 
 then he touched Jenkins with his stick fact; 
 touched him ! and winked ! 
 
 "But it woulder tickled you," he resumed, using
 
 I RECOVER THE PAJAMAS 265 
 
 one of the vestas I extended and puffing the cigar 
 until it almost flamed, "if you coulder seen the 
 grand-stand play this guy put up before the ser 
 geant ! But the old man just let him blow it all off ; 
 just sat there calm behind the desk, chewing away 
 and jabbing a pen through the blotter, while this stiff 
 fumed and spouted oh, something scandalous 
 bringing in the names of mighty near all the impor 
 tant people in New York ; his friends, he said ! Oh, 
 yes, he mentioned you in particular, sir!" and his 
 face expanded in a relishing grin. 
 
 "Dashed impudence !" I murmured feebly. 
 
 "Oh, yes/ carelessly, "but the sarge quieted him 
 just purty near soothed him to sleep before he got 
 through, you know it s one of his ways!" his 
 glance lifted solemnly. 
 
 "Fine, you know !" I murmured admiringly. I re 
 flected approvingly upon what a dashed good thing 
 it was to have a man in that position whatever it 
 was who was of such a devilish mild and gentle 
 temperament : the quiet word the soft answer the 
 kindly remonstrance all that sort of thing, you 
 know. 
 
 "We re a leetle crowded now," the big cop pur 
 sued, reflectively gouging into the mortar with the 
 long blade of his knife, "and we had to put him in 
 the cell with a gorilla what s always wandering back 
 to the jungle for too much strong-arm work maybe 
 you read about him? He scragged a whole family 
 th other night and threw em down the fire-escape."
 
 266 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 "Oh !" I said uneasily. "But isn t he er rather 
 dangerous?" 
 
 "Nazv!" A careless but vigorous head shake. 
 "Only in his sleep, you know it s his dreams leads 
 him off or unless some one touches or crowds him ; 
 then he gets peevish and oh, well he might, of 
 course " Mr. O Keefe s expressive shrug finished 
 out the idea. But I wouldn t have heard it anyhow, 
 I was in such a yawn. 
 
 By Jove, I was sure the housekeeper would have 
 chucked it by now, or else worked herself up into a 
 swoon! Why, my jolly foot was asleep! It was safe 
 to let him go. I looked at my watch and coughed, 
 and Jenkins came to and backed up to the door, 
 sidling for me to pass within. The policeman 
 straightened his helmet and murmured words of 
 adieu. 
 
 "But, if no offense, there s just one question I d 
 like to ask you, sir." He swung his club with a smil 
 ing, genial air. 
 
 "Oh, dash it, no!" I responded absently. 
 
 My eye had been suddenly attracted by a feathery 
 gleam of white through the trees. It was slowly 
 moving up the slope to a pavilion overlooking the 
 Tappan Zee. 
 
 He drew nearer with a confidential air. "Just a 
 little argument I had with the old woman, you 
 know, about them pajamas. Would you mind tell 
 ing me as man to man, y understand if them 
 garments is" his voice dropped "is like her real
 
 I RECOVER THE PAJAMAS 267 
 
 shape figger, I mean h m?" And he tapped the 
 parcel lightly with his stick. 
 
 Jenkins cleared his throat loudly and shifted the 
 pajamas to his other side. As for myself, I just 
 winced as under the stroke of a what-you-call-it, but 
 one end of my dashed brain was being pulled by the 
 flashing play of the dappling sunlight there upon 
 
 "By Jove, her figure exactly !" I ejaculated, star 
 ing. 
 
 For it was her no, dash it, she, I mean ! I had 
 a perfectly clear view of her now as she paused 
 on a little point and hung there looking out over the 
 Hudson. In her hand was a full-blown, ripened 
 rose, and her lips were shaping in ravishing little 
 pouts as musingly she blew the petals from her. But 
 go they would not, but hugged back in the arms of 
 the light breeze, circling and fluttering about her 
 glorious sunny head like a swarm of rosy butter 
 flies. It made a pretty picture ! 
 
 "And what s more, they re just her color, too!" 
 I murmured tenderly, forgetful of everything but 
 her, unmindful that I was not alone. For under my 
 hand I could feel my jolly heart quivering like a 
 champagne cork, freshly unfettered and thrilling 
 eagerly under the impulse of the mad, dancing, joy 
 ous spirit within. 
 
 "The one lovely woman in all the world!" I 
 breathed aloud, and I felt my eyes grow oddly 
 moist. 
 
 And for a minute I went off in a jolly trance.
 
 268 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 "Good-by, sir!" 
 
 It was O Keefe s voice oddly constrained. 
 
 "Eh?" I ejaculated, blinking at him as I came 
 back. Then I remembered but what was it he 
 had been asking? Something 
 
 "Just, good-by!" he repeated with elaborated 
 gentleness. Then, straightening: "No offense, I 
 hope, if we let it go at that I mean, I guess you 
 won t miss it if we don t shake hands?" 
 
 I glanced at the gloves he was drawing on. 
 
 "Oh, dash it, no!" I responded absently, and my 
 eyes coasted up the slope again then dropped back 
 disappointedly, for she had disappeared within the 
 pavilion. 
 
 "Of course, rich people has got privileges," Mr. 
 O Keefe was ruminating somberly; "and I ain t 
 saying a word, not a word, mind you!" the glove 
 that lightly emphasized this displayed all fingers 
 widely and generously spread. "The captain ll tell 
 you he ain t having to tell me, like some of em, to 
 be careful about keeping off the grass" he shrugged 
 "oh, well, perhaps enough said !" and he turned 
 away. 
 
 Then he turned back. "Of course, that other 
 part of it" it would seem that his club, extended 
 pistol-like, was not leveled at Jenkins so much as 
 at the pajamas "of course, nobody can t help that 
 that s Nature I m some that way myself, though 
 nothing like so much, and nothing like so heavy as 
 I was. We ll leave that part out of it I m willing
 
 I RECOVER THE PAJAMAS 269 
 
 but, gentlemen" Jenkins paled, and swayed so 
 horribly, I was almost sure he would go "when it 
 comes to comes to With a helpless head-shake, 
 he gave it up and contented himself with expecto 
 rating violently upon the ground. Then he moved 
 slowly away. 
 
 His helmet tossed as he looked back. "I guess 
 we a// ve got our little prejudices," he remarked 
 sententiously; "I know / have! I m from the 
 South!" 
 
 And without another word, Mr. O Keefe pre 
 sented his broad back to us, and swinging his stick 
 carelessly, sauntered down the drive. 
 
 "What the deuce!" I exclaimed, looking after 
 him. "I say, Jenkins, what did he mean ?" 
 
 Jenkins face expressed mild reproach and sur 
 prise. 
 
 "Can it possibly matter, sir?" he questioned 
 wearily. "Persons of er that sort, you know, 
 sir?" 
 
 "Jove!" I uttered, relieved. 
 
 Jenkins coldly elevated brows dismissed the mat 
 ter from further consideration. He lifted the par 
 cel with a slight gesture of inquiry. 
 
 I had already come to a decision about it: I 
 would send it to Billings! Perhaps the retrieving 
 of the pajamas would have a soothing effect upon 
 his poor mind ! 
 
 I gave Jenkins instructions. "H m! Of course, 
 manage to speak with him alone," I cautioned, hav-
 
 2/0 
 
 ing thought of Judge Billings; "and don t forget 
 the message." 
 
 "Certainly, sir," said Jenkins attentively. "I m 
 just to say: Mr. Lightnut s compliments, sir, and 
 he says you ll know what to do with these. 
 
 I nodded. "Exactly, and I ll wait here but, oh, 
 hurry, dash it!" And I looked longingly at the 
 pavilion and tried to feel if my part was right. 
 
 He did hurry ! By Jove, he was back almost im 
 mediately and looking a bit rattled. 
 
 "Yes, sir!" he coughed as I screwed my glass 
 inquiringly "I got there just as the judge went 
 into his room across the corridor, and Mr. Billings 
 opened the door the minute I said I was from you. 
 I gave him the package and the message and he took 
 it over in a corner; and then in about a minute I 
 heard him chuck it somewhere and say some long 
 word. He came back to me, looking kinder irri 
 tated and with his eyes snapping." 
 
 "Oh!" I uttered nervously. "Er, what did he 
 say, Jenkins?" 
 
 Jenkins sighed. "Oh, well, sir, nothing as you 
 might say was anything, really; he jerks out kinder 
 crossly: Tell Mr. Lightnut, I say one thing at a 
 time, and give him this ! 
 
 On the scrap of paper I clutched out of Jenkins 
 hand was a crazy scrawl of just a half-dozen words: 
 
 I m a biped, not a centipede! 
 
 I squinted through the dashed thing twice, but
 
 I RECOVER THE PAJAMAS 271 
 
 could make nothing of it I even tried it back 
 ward! 
 
 "Jove!" I muttered perplexedly. "It s rum, Jen 
 kins!" 
 
 Jenkins mouth tightened and relaxed. "H m, 
 what I thought, sir," he responded soberly. "The 
 demon rum, sir!"
 
 CHAPTER XXVIII 
 "T EVER i FIND A MAN!" 
 
 TRUST you ve not been getting into trouble, 
 Mr. Lightnut!" 
 
 Her lovely eyes were dancing with mischief as 
 they hung there below mine eyes, bluer than the 
 Hudson at our feet; yet between the jolly ripples 
 that played across those pools of truth I could 
 glimpse far down into depths that were the most 
 devilishly entrancing, darkly, deeply, beautifully 
 oh, you know ! 
 
 Why, by Jove, I almost took a cropper right into 
 them! Only caught just in time, you know; 
 straightened right on the verge, as it were and 
 came up with a gasp, monocle dangling. 
 
 Had almost forgotten the dashed windows and 
 the two cats that might be looking out ! 
 
 I murmured some jolly apology, adding : 
 
 "Oh, yes quite so; certainly! I mean el\ 
 what?" 
 
 She was smiling, her rose-petal lip dragging 
 through her teeth. 
 
 "The bobby, you know, just now" she nodded 
 toward the porte-cochere "I was positive he had 
 
 272
 
 IF I EVER FIND A MAN! 273 
 
 come to drag you away to your loathsome dun 
 geon. And when he retired, I was oh, so re 
 lieved !" And she clasped her hands, her eyes lift 
 ing upward. 
 
 "Oh, I say now were you, though ?" I grinned 
 delightedly and slipping to a rustic chair beside her, 
 looked her affectionately in the eye. For all her 
 air of chaffing, I knew that under it was a current 
 of anxiety for me the darling! 
 
 I screwed my glass at her tenderty. 
 
 "What would you have done," I said softly, "if 
 he had er lugged me off, you know ?" 
 
 "Can you ask?" What a reproachful side-glance 
 she shot me through the meshes of her silken what- 
 you-call- ems ! "Why, of course, I should have 
 drawn my good excalibar and run him thr-r-rough 
 and thr-r-r-ough !" 
 
 By Jove, how she said it! And she illustrated 
 with the stemless rose dash it, no; the roseless 
 stem! She was superb looked like the jolly fenc 
 ing girl; only a dashed sight more stunning, don t 
 you know! And her excalibar, too! Didn t know 
 what a jolly excalibar was, but guessed it was some 
 delightfully mysterious but deadly feminine thing 
 some kind of submerged hat-pin-sort-of-thing, you 
 know that sort, dash it ! Yet she would have 
 drawn it and her good one, too, she said ! 
 
 "Jove!" I said feelingly. "Would you, really?" 
 And I almost took her hand and again remem 
 bered the windows ! So I just shot her a look.
 
 274 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 Her glorious eyes sparkled. "That is, I would 
 if I had one," she said smiling; "but I m afraid poor 
 Arthur lost the last and only one. Sad, isn t it?" 
 
 "Oh!" 
 
 I just felt my jolly heart sink like what s-its- 
 name. Who the deuce was "poor Arthur?" This 
 must be another some other thundering chap who 
 had been engaged to her. And what a rotten, care 
 less beggar, too, to have lost it that is, if he really 
 had ! Of course, he would say so, anyhow. And 
 how the deuce did he get it, in the first place did 
 she give it to him, or did he 
 
 By Jove, how I should have liked to punch Ar 
 thur s head! Always did hate a chap with that 
 name! I flushed guiltily, but she did not see. For 
 the moment, she was looking off dreamily across the 
 valley. 
 
 "I wonder," she said pensively, "why it is one 
 can never find another man like Arthur. Do you 
 suppose it is because he was the ideal?" 
 
 For an instant, I swallowed bard then I plucked 
 up bravely, or tried to, doni you know. 
 
 "Jolly likely!" I chirped. Then gloomily: "Oh, 
 I say, you know, was he your ideal?" 
 
 "Always!" the blue eyes lighted wistfully "I 
 suppose it s because he was my first love; I found 
 him so brave, so noble-mannered, you know so 
 simple !" 
 
 Simple! Dash simple people never could stand
 
 IF I EVER FIND A MAN! 275 
 
 them ! Thing I admired was brains ! Aloud I said 
 gently almost humbly : 
 
 "So glad you like him, don t you know did like, 
 I mean!" 
 
 "Did like? I do still!" her tone lifted in ear 
 nest protest "I love to think of brave, dear Arthur 
 and his knights so few, and yet so full of love, of 
 gallantry and daring!" 
 
 So his nights were like that! By Jove, I was 
 devilish glad then that they had been so few that 
 was some comfort, dash it ! I wondered if the beg 
 gar was dead. But what difference did it make 
 now, after all? She was mine now and she knew 
 I knew it ; that was why this sweet, ingenuous child 
 was laying bare to me her past the darling ! 
 
 Really, I ought not to let her go on. 
 
 "Never mind them now," I urged soothingly. And 
 heedless of the windows, I hitched a wee bit closer. 
 "That s all past and gone and you and I will yet see 
 as good nights as they ever were." I spoke with 
 assurance. "Don t you think so?" I added softly. 
 
 She sighed. "I don t know I hope so!" she 
 lingered dubiously over it, looking away again, the 
 while her hand put back the fleecy, golden what- 
 you-call-it that was snuggling to her eyes. I looked 
 at the goddess-like forearm, bared to above the el 
 bow, where it slipped from sight under the roll of 
 sleeve, and thought of that night in my apartment 
 when she had made me feel of her biceps, don t you 
 know.
 
 276 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 How deliciously shy she was! Remembered 
 hearing Pugsley say they are often that way with 
 the development of love. Told me he thought he d 
 get married once looked over the girls of his set 
 and picked out one; then he went to see her. She 
 was devilish cordial at first and until Pugsley began 
 to tell her about it, then she began to grow agitated 
 finally went out of the room and had hysterics. 
 Next time he saw her she hardly was able to speak 
 to him! Said that ended it and he passed her up 
 too dashed much bother trying to follow em, he 
 decided; they were too high-strung, too emotional, 
 too uncertain of themselves, he thought. 
 
 I gave her five seconds, and then 
 
 "You don t know?" I repeated with gentle re 
 proach. "Oh, I say, you know ! You know you 
 know you know!" By Jove, that sounded rather 
 rum, but I knew she knew I knew she knew see? 
 
 She looked at me sidewise, her slender fore 
 finger pressing the half-parted lips slowly shaping 
 in a curve. Then her little teeth flashed, jewel-like 
 regular jolly pearl setting in the frankest, sweet 
 est smile! and then her glorious arm and wrist 
 arched suddenly toward me. 
 
 "Yes !" she said contritely, and with the most de 
 lightful, kindest inflection and laugh such a laugh! 
 a laugh gurglingly melodious oh, dash it, yes; 
 I mean just that ! like the flute notes in the over 
 ture to what s-his-name that sort ! 
 
 "That s the way I love to hear a man talk !" she
 
 IF I EVER FIND A MAN! 277 
 
 said warmly. "I think it takes an American to 
 stand up for his own place, his own times please!" 
 
 And gently, but with a lovely smile, she withdrew 
 her hand that I had folded close in mine. I let it 
 go, for I saw her look toward the house, and, of 
 course, / understood jolly careless of me not to 
 have remembered but she would know from my 
 nod and shrug that I comprehended. 
 
 And really, by Jove, it was almost as pleasant as 
 holding her hand, just to watch her leaning back 
 against the iron pillar about which curved the dark- 
 leaved tendrils of some purple-flowering vine. By 
 Jove, she just looked like a stunning, white, Easter- 
 card angel that s what! even to the golden hair 
 they always have and the jolly wings; for her 
 gleaming arms, spread behind her head, made you 
 think of that. But that was as near as one of them 
 could come to her, for no golden-haired angel in 
 white flowing nightgown was ever a patch on her 
 tor style! 
 
 Never a one could look so chic as she did 
 in her smart linen suit, with its blue flannel collar, 
 caught low with a flowing, breezy tie ; and no 
 jolly angel I ever saw pictured could sport a waist 
 like that, so dainty, so modish, so jolly snug and 
 er squeezable, don t you know never! And I 
 was devilish sure that no barefooted or sandaled 
 angel would ever dare to put a foot beside one of 
 those little white Oxfords or that arching instep, 
 just blushing faintly through the silken mesh that
 
 278 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 held it well, I guess not! And where the angel, 
 I should like to know, that could match her glori 
 ous, fluffy pompadour or the distracting little golden 
 smoke wisps that whirled and pulled and tangled 
 and tossed and twisted and tugged, trying to lift 
 her in their feeble arms into the current of the 
 wandering breeze? 
 
 I sighed, and my deep breath brought her gaze 
 back to me and her flashing smile as well. 
 
 "And so," she said, lifting her little chin, "you 
 think there are just as many knights now as there 
 used to be?" 
 
 I almost laughed at the child-like question but 
 I didn t ! Dash it, no, I wouldn t have done so for 
 the world. Just looked at her seriously and an 
 swered her in kind: 
 
 "Perfectly sure of it, don t you know !" 
 
 And, by Jove, I was! Knew if there had been 
 any change, some newspaper-reading chap at the 
 club would have mentioned it that was safe ; espe 
 cially one silly ass who was always reading of some 
 jolly comet that was coming. He would know 
 about the nights. 
 
 "Yes oh, yes, there are just as many," I af 
 firmed positively, and added quickly: "More, you 
 know!" For suddenly I remembered it was leap- 
 year, and I knew there was some jolly rhyme about 
 leap-year gives us one day more so, of course, 
 there d be another night! 
 
 "You don t know how glad I am to hear you say
 
 IF I EVER FIND A MAN! 279 
 
 that," she said musingly. "There are just as many 
 knights, you mean, but the conditions have changed 
 the man is changed is that it ?" 
 
 I should say the man was changed ! "Oh, dash 
 it, yes !" I blurted. By Jove, I hoped there wouldn t 
 be another change. 
 
 "You mean" with a little, challenging, puzzled 
 smile, she leaned forward, her elbow resting upon 
 her knee like a sculptured, Grecian pillar; her 
 flower-like curving fingers supporting her chin like 
 a Corinthian what s-its-name, you know, the sort 
 of thing the ancient what-you-call- ems always 
 added to top off their stunning marble columns 
 you know! well, like that "you mean we may 
 find knights, not only in the field, but in the shops, 
 upon the streets even in the slums; or in the hos 
 pitals, in the church or even on the bench that is 
 your idea ?" 
 
 It wasn t my idea at all I should say not ! Who 
 wanted to spend nights prowling around that way? 
 Why why, it wasn t respectable, dash it ! Besides, 
 that sort of thing excursioning about seeing things 
 was devilish tiresome, if you asked me. I never 
 did do it, even abroad, where you meet Americans, 
 jolly bored and tired, doing all sorts of rum places 
 no one else ever thinks of, don t you know. 
 
 And as for a bench! Well, it was like her, in her 
 innocence of the world, not to know how downright 
 vulgar that would be. I had seen couples sitting 
 evenings in the park and I knew!
 
 2 8o THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 But I answered tactfully : 
 
 "I don t mean those places so much, don t you 
 know I think we can find lots jollier and better 
 nights elsewhere." And I closed my free eye and 
 beamed at her through my glass. "Don t have to 
 go so far, you know ; under one s own roof, or er 
 some one else s roof, for instance why not 
 here?" I jerked my head toward the old stone pile 
 behind us. 
 
 "Oh!" her eyebrows lifted at me "so you ve 
 thought of that, too?" she nodded gravely "you 
 mean in the library there?" 
 
 I winked assent. 
 
 The library suited me all right ! 
 
 "Just now," she said in an oddly sobered voice, 
 "I looked in as I passed through, and he was looking 
 so crushed, so worn and tired, you know he had 
 just come from up-stairs; and yet he faced me so 
 bravely and smilingly" she shook her head "poor 
 fellow!" 
 
 I stared puzzled, don t you know. Offhand, 
 dash me if I could see what the judge had to do with 
 our evenings together why, I had his own ap 
 proval of my suit. Then I remembered that she, 
 of course, didn t know that yet. Probably what 
 she had in her dear little mind was that he might 
 be holding the library and he would, if he con 
 tinued to think he was busy; for I had heard him 
 say he expected to work all night. But then, there
 
 IF I EVER FIND A MAN! 281 
 
 were dozens and dozens of others places we could 
 go well, I should just say! 
 
 I had just bent forward to suggest this to her 
 when I saw she was going to speak. So I waited, 
 smiling at her tenderly. 
 
 "And about Arthur " she began, and I cut my 
 self a painful stab with my nails right in the palm 
 "now there is a case where I think you find"- 
 she nodded toward the house again "where you 
 find one of his superb qualities, the one quality that, 
 of all, I admire in a man the most." 
 
 "By Jove !" I said, leaning forward. I wondered 
 what it was and then, dash it, I asked her. 
 
 "Just trust!" she said simply, and her face grew 
 luminous. "Faith, perhaps I should say. My father 
 has it larger than any man I ever knew ; it is some 
 thing that goes out from him with his friendship, 
 with his love, making a dual gift" her voice 
 dropped thoughtfully "I have studied it in him all 
 my life, and it has always seemed so beautiful to 
 me so wonderful the unquestioning peace he 
 has" her blue eyes widened, shining "has ever 
 in return for the perfect, abiding trust that he gives 
 to the thing he calls his own. I know, for he has 
 made me feel it from the time I was a tiny little 
 girl !" The last word was almost a whisper, so 
 tense, so vibrant with feeling was it she seemed 
 to have forgotten my existence. "And if ever I 
 find a man " she breathed.
 
 282 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 I coughed slightly and she started, stared at me 
 and then the dimple deepened in her cheek, lost in a 
 bed of jolly roses. Her laughter pealed forth, bird- 
 like delicious ! 
 
 "I beg your pardon!" she said. "But when I 
 think of papa and of how he believes in his children, 
 especially poor little me, I think I must get Her 
 roguish, puzzled smile searched my face. "How is 
 it you say it ? oh, I know I think I must be get 
 ting dippy! " 
 
 And it was the first slang J had heard from those 
 sweet lips since the night she was in my rooms !
 
 CHAPTER XXIX 
 "BECAUSE YOU ARE YOU" 
 
 T3OOR, brave-hearted girl! How pitiful and 
 heartrending to a keen-eyed man of the world, 
 seemed her poor, little sham about her father s trust 
 in her ! For / knew the facts, you know ! 
 
 What a little thorougbred she was! By Jove, I 
 just sat there for a full two minutes, bending to 
 ward her worshipfully, but with such a lump chok 
 ing my devilish throat that dash me if I could chirp 
 a single word. Just sat there that s all blinking 
 damply at her with my free eye, studying with 
 growing wonder the light she managed to summon 
 to her face ; heartsick for the care-free mockery of 
 the cherry lips, shaping seemingly in a meditative 
 whistle; all my jolly heart beating time to the lithe 
 some tapping of her smart little boot upon the 
 wooden floor. And she? She, brave heart, lean 
 ing back watching me through her long, fringing 
 lashes forcing a quizzical smile to her face, the 
 while the jolly worm was gnawing at her what-you- 
 call- ems ! 
 
 And suddenly it came to me that I just couldn t 
 and wouldn t let her go on this way, without the 
 
 283
 
 284 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 sympathy of the man she loved; without the pre 
 cious consolation of knowing that he knew ! She 
 was being badgered and rough-shouldered and put 
 upon and distrusted and maligned by ever}- one she 
 knew, and she had no one in all the world to turn 
 to but me and 
 
 Oh, I wanted her to know what / thought, don t 
 you know ! 
 
 I slipped to the seat beside her. 
 
 "Er, Miss Billings I began, thinking absent- 
 mindedly of what I should say, and forgetting that 
 we were quite alone. 
 
 " Miss Billings! Why do you call me that?" 
 Her lovely brows puckered. "I remember, now, 
 that s twice you " 
 
 "Frances, then!" I corrected softly. 
 
 She straightened, her bosom lifting with a quick 
 intake. By Jove, that was what she wanted ! 
 
 "Oh!" Then she leaned slowly back, looking at 
 me thoughtfully through half-closed eyes, her lips 
 parted in the oddest smile. 
 
 And I screwed my monocle tight and let her have 
 smile for smile, determined to chirp her up and 
 make her feel our oneness that sort of thing, you 
 know. And I succeeded ! For of a sudden her head 
 went back and the joyous peal of her canary laugh 
 started off the jolly birds in the trees above us. 
 
 "Oh, you " A stare, and then another burst as 
 she bent forward, face buried in her hands. Then 
 it lifted sharply, flame-dyed her lips tremulous,
 
 BECAUSE YOU ARE YOU 285 
 
 her eyes shining like sapphire stars. "Oh!" she 
 gasped, and how I envied the little hand she pressed 
 against her waist ; but the windows dash the win 
 dows ! "That s that s it Frances just that 
 much! But, do you know, I don t don t believe 
 you really know my full name. I remember now 
 several th She bent toward me witchingly, her 
 wide blue eyes challenging my candor. "Honestly, 
 now do you ?" 
 
 So it was that thought that was tickling her! 
 Well, by Jove, I had her there, for I had heard 
 the judge mention her name in full. I would sur 
 prise her ! 
 
 "Oh, don t I?" I exclaimed, winking as I pol 
 ished my glass. "Well, how about Frances Leslie 
 Billings?" I let her have it slowly, distinctly, and 
 with yet a note of triumph I could not altogether 
 hide. And then remorseful for her amazed expres 
 sion, I explained frankly : "Got it from your father 
 this morning, don t you know, during our long talk 
 about you in the library." 
 
 "Wh " 
 
 Then she swallowed and her face fell perfectly 
 blank. By Jove, I could have kicked myself for a 
 jolly ass for breaking it to her so raw ! Of course, 
 she would know that if her father talked of her, it 
 would be nothing for me to hear that was true or 
 kind nothing she could wish might be said to the 
 man she loved. 
 
 I hastened to reassure her :
 
 286 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 "But I don t believe a dashed word of anything 
 he said about you" I spoke hotly "and I don t 
 care a jolly hang for what the others said, either 
 so there you are !" 
 
 "Oh, you don t?" Could tell how I had touched 
 her by her expression, don t you know ; and she fell 
 to looking at me the queerest way. "And would 
 you mind telling me who the others are?" 
 
 I eyed her gloomily, sympathetically. As if she 
 didn t know already ! 
 
 "Well oh, dash it, my mind has been filled with 
 er just anything!" I began cautiously. 
 
 "I know," she murmured it as if to herself 
 "one can see that !" And she bit her lip. 
 
 "In the first place, you know" and there I pulled 
 up. No, dash it, I wasn t going to say a jolly word 
 about poor Jack no, sir! But then, about the 
 other one well, she was just a treacherous snake 
 in the what s-its-name, and she ought to be ex 
 posed. By Jove, she should be ! 
 
 "It s the frump, you know," I said indignantly. 
 
 "The the what?" 
 
 Her pretty teeth flashed like the keyboards of a 
 tiny organ you could even hear a little gurgly, 
 musical quiver somewhere behind. And then I re 
 membered that, of course, she wouldn t know whom 
 I meant. 
 
 "Oh, your guest, you know your friend from 
 school," I went on, trying to tread cautiously and
 
 BECAUSE YOU ARE YOU 287 
 
 yet feeling myself growing red. "Oh, see here 
 now, I don t like to say things, but er 
 
 "Oh, go on!" she trilled, her sweet face shining 
 wistful. 
 
 "Well, I mean this er Miss Kirkland ; came 
 out with us this morning, don t you know. I think 
 of her as the frump little idea er nickname of 
 mine, you know, she s so awful!" And I screwed 
 my glass with a chuckle. 
 
 For an instant I thought she wouldn t catch it, 
 she stared at me so blankly. Then the joke of it 
 the jolly aptness, so to speak got her full and 
 square, and she just lifted a scream, hugging her 
 knee and rocking back and forth, her face suffused, 
 her laughter pealing like a chime of bells. 
 
 And I just rocked, too, keeping her company. 
 Really, I don t think I ever laughed so much since 
 some chap plunked down on the hard crown of my 
 new tile last winter. At least I wanted to laugh 
 in church, you know, and it s so awful how you feel 
 there when something oh, you know! And if 
 you could have seen that poor fellow s face ! 
 
 By Jove, how glad I was for her jolly sense of 
 humor that could see the point of things so quickly, 
 and think them clever. Always had so dashed little 
 patience with stupid people, don t you know. And 
 just here another little thing came to me and I let 
 her have it : 
 
 "Oh, I say!" I leaned nearer, chuckling "your
 
 288 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 father pretends to think her a most beautiful and 
 winning girl fancy!" And my face stretched it 
 self in such a jolly grin that I could hardly hold my 
 glass. 
 
 She bent toward me, smiling adorably. "You 
 mean this er Miss Kirkland ?" 
 
 I nodded chortlingly. 
 
 She peered at me through her long what-you- 
 call- ems oh, such a way! 
 
 "But you don t think so, do you?" How sweetly, 
 how fetchingly she said it! 
 
 "Me?" I gasped. By Jove, in my horror, I lost 
 
 my grip upon my jolly grammar. "Oh, I say now ! 
 
 7 think the frump this Miss Kirkland, you know 
 
 is a fright regular freak, dash it! I told the 
 
 judge so!" 
 
 "You you " 
 
 "Of course!" And I shrugged disgustedly, mak 
 ing the ugliest grimace I possibly could. "Why, 
 dash it, if I were a woman and had a face like hers, 
 I never would have left China, or England or 
 wherever her jolly home was no, sir!" 
 
 She caught her breath with a little gasp then 
 she was off again ! This time she rested her arms 
 upon the rail behind and buried her head in them, 
 her lovely shoulders jiggling up and down, her sob 
 bing laughter sending her off at last into a spell of 
 coughing. 
 
 "Oh !" she breathed, lifting at last her gloriously 
 blushing face and dabbing at it with her ridiculous
 
 BECAUSE YOU ARE YOU 289 
 
 little handkerchief, "oh, you ll kill me I know you 
 will!" 
 
 I certainly had stirred her up, and I was de 
 lighted. It was funny to think of any one calling 
 the frump beautiful it must seem funnier still to 
 her, of course to Frances, I mean. Why, dash 
 it, she seemed to find a funny side to it that I didn t, 
 don t you know ! 
 
 "Tell me, now" she clasped her knee, lifting 
 her lovely face coaxingly "tell me all that she said 
 about me everything!" 
 
 And I did every word, by Jove ! 
 
 And no one could look into that sweet, ingenuous 
 face as I proceeded, and doubt that the slanders 
 were new to her. Never a jolly one touched her 
 only you could see their absurdity amused her. 
 Several times I had to pause as she bent under a 
 gale of laughter. 
 
 Only once was she brought up, shocked. 
 
 "Oh!" she uttered faintly, as I came to the inti 
 mation about her being hail-fellow-well-met with 
 the footmen and her drinking and carousing with 
 them and other men-servants until three in the 
 morning. I realized that it wasn t the matter of 
 the drinking that feazed her and drew from her 
 little gasps as I came to this knew that didn t 
 bother her, don t you know, for I knew she did 
 drink could drink, I mean to say; for I had not 
 forgotten the two full whisky glasses of high-proof 
 Scotch she had tossed off that night in my rooms.
 
 290 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 Why, no, dash it, she was able to drink it went in 
 the family! I could never forget with what pride 
 she had told me of putting her brother Jack under 
 the table two nights running. That was all right- 
 it was the other part of the frump s scandal that 
 brought her up, standing, so to speak. 
 
 For now she really looked embarrassed, despite 
 another lapse to laughter. Her face and neck were 
 dyed a lovely crimson. 
 
 "Oh, dear!" she said finally; and she wiped her 
 eyes. "What you must think of me !" and she 
 looked away, a pretty frown contracting her face; 
 then the jolly dimple deepened once again and she 
 choked into her handkerchief. "Oh, dear!" she 
 repeated, biting her lip to hold her quivering mouth 
 corners. "Oh, it s a shame," I heard her mutter; 
 "I mustn t let him it s too She wheeled upon 
 me, her lips tightened. "Oh !" she ejaculated 
 sharply, almost petulantly, and her foot struck 
 smartly on the boards. "I wonder how much you 
 think think " 
 
 "Think lots" I said simply, watching her little 
 toe as it tapped. 
 
 "Well, / should think as much !" And this time 
 her laugh was short oddly constrained. She 
 looked away off down the slope to the river. "Oh!" 
 This time it was a tiny gasp as of dismay. And the 
 toe tapped like an electric what s-its-name. 
 
 "Yes," I said, watching it musingly, "I suppose 
 it s because you re the only girl, don t you know,
 
 BECAUSE YOU ARE YOU 291 
 
 that I ever did think of before oh, ever at all, 
 dash it!" 
 
 The toe stopped. I could feel her looking at me 
 sidewise, but I did not glance up, that I remember; 
 was looking down, trying to get hold of a dashed 
 idea I wanted to express. 
 
 "Don t know," I continued, boring away at her 
 toe, yet hardly seeing it, "but suppose that s the 
 reason I knew all the time she was lying; but still, 
 somehow that doesn t seem to be the real reason I 
 knew. I think the real reason I knew it couldn t 
 be and wasn t true was" I sighed heavily "oh, 
 dash it, it s so hard to get hold of the jolly thing!" 
 
 And there was a pause. 
 
 "The real reason?" her voice coaxed gently. 
 
 "Was because Then she moved the toe and 
 it put me out "I think just because oh, yes, I 
 know now!" And I looked up eagerly. "Just be 
 cause I knew that you are you!" I finished 
 beamingly. 
 
 "Oh, I see!" She said it musingly, her finger 
 lightly pressing upon her lips, her beautiful eyes 
 studying me with the oddest, keenest side-glance. 
 
 A pause; and then: "And how long have you 
 known me, pray? Just a " 
 
 "A thousand years!" I said promptly and ear 
 nestly. "A thousand years and all my life, don t 
 you know ! Never will know you any better." 
 
 "I wonder," she murmured, nodding slowly. 
 And then for a moment she didn t say a word, just
 
 292 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 sat there looking me over curiously, her expression 
 half shy, half quizzical, don t you know. 
 
 Then her smile flashed again a radiant, dazzling 
 brightness that brought her nearer, like the effect of 
 the sunlight s sudden gleam there at times upon the 
 blue line of the "West Shore" away across the 
 broad, three-mile span of the old Tappan Zee. 
 
 "And now" again her splendid young arms 
 were clasped, wing-like, behind her head; and its 
 golden glory hung like a picture against the dark 
 vine leaves, bossed with the clustered purple flowers 
 "now," she repeated, settling comfortably, "you 
 must just go on and tell me the rest I can bear it ! 
 What did my" her big blue eyes twinkled as she 
 smiled "my father say about me?" 
 
 I shifted uncomfortably. "Oh, I can t, you 
 know!" I demurred. "I say, what s the use, dash 
 it?" Poor old boy, somehow I just hated to round 
 on him he was so jolly hard hit already; Jack, 
 don t you know ! Besides 
 
 "Please !" Jove, how she said it ! 
 
 "Oh, dash it, I m afraid it will hurt you," I pro 
 tested uneasily; "and I don t think the judge 
 really" 
 
 "I just don t care that" a snap from her little 
 fingers and her arm went back "for anything he 
 ever said about me that was mean! So, please go 
 on I must go dress for luncheon." 
 
 And so I just took a deep breath, a long running 
 leap, and cleared the bar told her all, you know !
 
 BECAUSE YOU ARE YOU 293 
 
 Oddly, this time she didn t laugh and I knew 
 why : it was her father, and it had cut her to the 
 heart. This was what I had feared. As I pro 
 ceeded, narrating the interview in the library, she 
 just grew rosier and rosier red, but sat looking at 
 me wide-eyed and unflinching. The pulsation of 
 her bosom quickened a little, but her dear face re 
 mained unchanged, save for her little trick of drag 
 ging her under-lip through her white teeth. 
 
 "And, by Jove, that s all!" I finished with re 
 lief as I mopped my face. "But who cares, don t 
 you know, or believes any bit of it? Anyhow, we 
 don t for we know !" 
 
 "Are you sure?" She spoke gravely, yet in her 
 eyes were the dancing star-motes of a laugh. "The 
 extravagance, the gambling, and the oh, all of it? 
 I must tell you / heard some sad things myself 
 about Francis Billings while I was at Cambridge " 
 
 I grunted scornfully. "/ know: from that two- 
 faced cat, Miss Kirkland ! Say, how I wish, by Jove, 
 that woman would pack up and go back to China 
 the sponge!" And I screwed my giass indignantly. 
 
 "Oh, now!" she remonstrated sweetly, "you 
 mustn t say that! You might be sorry!" She 
 smiled archly. 
 
 I grunted contemptuously. 
 
 Again she rested her little chin upon her hand, 
 eying me thoughtfully, earnestly. 
 
 "And so you don t believe any of it ?" 
 
 I chuckled at the idea. "Oh, I say now, Frances,
 
 294 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 you know I don t!" And I shoved a bit nearer, 
 looking into her eyes. But just then I saw Wilkes 
 come out and look around. 
 
 And she must have glanced about quickly and 
 have seen him, too, for as I shifted my eyes to her 
 again she was blushing furiously and had moved a 
 bit. 
 
 "I m afraid," she said measuredly, her chin lift 
 ing a little, "you do believe part of it!" And in 
 her eyes was a glint of fire. 
 
 And then as my face fell blankly, a slow little 
 smile came creeping back to hers. Her eyes soft 
 ened. 
 
 "Forgive me," she said gently; "I misunder 
 stood !" 
 
 The darling! And, dash it, if they were going 
 to have vines to a pavilion, why didn t they have 
 vines ? 
 
 "Do you know," she said, "I don t believe you 
 do believe any of these awful things could be true 
 about me," her voice quickened here "and do 
 you know I just think it s lovely of .you! I do!" 
 And her dear voice dropped like the softer notes of 
 a what s-its-name. Her hands lay in her lap and 
 she was studying me in the kindest, sweetest way! 
 And I wanted to tell her how good she was and how 
 much I loved her, don t you know, but just then, 
 behind the pavilion, came the gardener. He was 
 talking to one of his assistants about slugs dash 
 slusrs !
 
 BECAUSE YOU ARE YOU 295 
 
 And then her face lighted again as though she 
 would speak and I leaned eagerly toward her 
 waiting, expectant. 
 
 "When Arthur made his court at " she began, 
 and, by Jove, my jolly heart sank. If she would 
 only drop Arthur and give me a chance to make 
 my court, dash it ! "Camelot, you know," she went 
 on, and I almost groaned. What did / care that 
 he came a lot? Perhaps, now, if I could divert her 
 mind 
 
 "Oh, I say, you know," I broke in interestedly, 
 "what was it you were er humming just now, 
 don t you know." 
 
 "Vivian s song don t you remember it ?" 
 
 I tried to think, but I couldn t seem to place her, 
 though I knew the whole line of em back to Lottie 
 Gilson. 
 
 I finally had to shake my head. 
 
 She smiled. "Don t you know," she said : 
 
 " I think you hardly know the tender rhyme 
 Of "trust me not at all or all in all." 
 
 She was right! I didn t know the jolly thing, 
 that was a fact, but somehow I liked the swing of 
 it. She went on, and struck me with another re 
 mark. By Jove, she seemed to have forgotten about 
 the jolly song and I was devilish glad, for I had 
 rather hear her talk, don t you know. 
 
 " In Love, if Love be Love, if Love be ours
 
 296 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 "Iff" I ejaculated reproachfully, hitching nearer. 
 But she only smiled, and continued her remark: 
 
 " Faith and unfaith can ne er be equal powers; 
 Unfaith in aught is want of faith in all. 
 
 "Oh!" I uttered. For, by Jove, she had said it 
 the thing I had felt all the time and couldn t ex 
 press; the something that had been with me all 
 along in connection with herself. And here she had 
 the jolly idea pat upon her tongue ! I just blinked 
 at her admiringly didn t dare speak, you know; 
 afraid I d break the thread of what s-its-name. 
 
 She went on telling me something about a lover s 
 lute, and it was hard not to speak then, for I 
 did so want to ask what a jolly lute was. And 
 then some remark about specks in garnered fruit- 
 here her line of thought had been changed, I knew, 
 by some remark of the gardener outside : something 
 about worms and the orchard. However, I just 
 chirped up a nod and listened as attentively as 
 though she had gone right on. She was busy with 
 her hair now, but with her mind still on the worm, 
 murmured abstractedly : 
 
 " That rotting inward slowly moulders all. 
 
 And just here, with a little clatter, her back 
 comb struck the floor, bounding to the other side of 
 the pavilion. As I scrambled to get it, her voice 
 lifted through a choke of laughter: 
 
 " It is not worth the keeping ; let it go ! "
 
 BECAUSE YOU ARE YOU 297 
 
 The idea ! 
 
 I laughed as I caught the thing up and whirled, 
 my hand outstretched to lay it in her own. She was 
 on her feet, pulling down her belt, and paused to 
 lift away a leaf that clung to her snowy skirt. And 
 just here, the gardener s voice lifted startlingly 
 across the park to some one distant and invisible: 
 
 "Better bring paris green, Jud ; it s the only way 
 we ll ever get rid of em," he bawled. "I see they re 
 going after the leaves now, and they can live on 
 them and air. Pizen ll fix em, though !" 
 
 The comb outstretched, I stood staring at Fran 
 ces, doubled over and writhing. And then, with a 
 long-drawn gasp that was half a screech, her lithe 
 some figure straightened, her head went back, and 
 from her throat there trilled the very joy of health 
 and youth and happy days. 
 
 "Oh !" she gasped, her hand pressing to her side. 
 And while I looked at her anxiously, she went on 
 pantingly, her eyes bright with tears : 
 
 " But shall it ? Answer, darling, answer no, 
 And trust me not at all or all in all. 
 
 "Jove!" I said delightedly, placing the comb in 
 her outstretched hand and pressing it the hand, I 
 mean, dash it ! "I do, don t you know ! I trust you 
 all in all!"
 
 CHAPTER XXX 
 
 THE JUDGE FIXES "FOXY GRANDPA" 
 
 UT I tell you, sir, he is not my son!" 
 The judge was bending over the desk phone 
 as I looked in a half hour later. His voice rose in 
 a crescendo of rage: "Wha what s that? Do I 
 want to speak with him? Certainly not, sir and I 
 won t! . . . Um, yes John W. Billings yes, 
 that s his name. . . . Stuff and nonsense, sir! 
 He s up-stairs now in his room. . . . Says what?" 
 the judge s eyes rolled frowningly upward as he 
 listened; then he licked his lips and bent again, 
 speaking with passionate incisiveness : "Why, dam 
 mit, man, I ve just this minute been talking to him 
 just left him, y understand. . . . Certainly 
 your man s- an impostor you ought to know that ! 
 . . . Yes, this is Judge Billings, himself. . . . 
 Eh? Oh, that s all right, but now let me tell you 
 something" he cleared his throat and gathered his 
 voice in cold, deliberate accents : "You let me be 
 annoyed again from your precinct, and I can prom 
 ise you that . . . Um, well that s all right then 
 . . . Bye!" 
 
 He banged the receiver to the hook and faced 
 about, muttering things to himself. 
 
 298
 
 JUDGE FIXES FOXY GRANDPA 299 
 
 "Well, upon my word! Of all the excuse me, 
 Lightnut !" He wiped his forehead, his glance ab 
 stracted and scowling. "Somebody is putting this 
 fool up to this somebody trying to annoy me!" 
 He uttered a short laugh that was more of a snort. 
 "There s some fool lunatic down in New York that 
 they ve arrested and he s got a bug that he s my 
 son ! This is the second offense. Caused me to lose 
 two hours from my office yesterday in the city and 
 upset me for the whole day! And me so busy! 
 busy!" his hands lifted toward the papers on the 
 table "so busy I can hardly" another snort, and 
 he relighted his cigar, puffing savagely "looks like 
 there s just one fool thing after another interrupt 
 ing me or absorbing my time !" 
 
 "Jolly shame, you know!" I responded, dropping 
 sympathetically into a chair. I pushed the papers 
 to one side so I could rest my elbow on the table 
 edge ; besides, I saw they were fretting him could 
 tell by his glances, you know. 
 
 For another thing, I had got hold of a devilish 
 shrewd idea I wanted to break to him about this 
 chap who was pretending to be his son. I remem 
 bered that the old rascal who had invaded my rooms 
 had tried to make me believe that I was his bosom 
 friend. 
 
 "Oh, I say, you know," I began, declining a cigar 
 and selecting a cigarette from my case, "I ve an 
 idea!" 
 
 And I faced him impressively.
 
 300 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 "You ve what?"- he straightened forward, with 
 a kind of twisted smile interested, you know 
 "whatever makes you think that, my boy ?" 
 
 I waited, sending- a long, thin smoke funnel up 
 ward. Kept him expectant, you see, and gave me 
 time to get hold of the corners of the jolly thing 
 myself. Catch the point? So devilish important 
 when you have to lift an idea, don t you know. 
 
 "Rather fancy your chap s the same one I know 
 of," I drawled, "an oldish duffer white mutton- 
 chops beefy sort of face sunburn line and bald- 
 ish all that sort of thing!" 
 
 "Well, by-y-y George!" he slapped his hand 
 down "I should say that was a real idea! And 
 you say you know this crazy fool ?" 
 
 "Crazy? He s not crazy!" I exclaimed indig 
 nantly, thinking of her pajamas. "And he s no 
 more fool than I am !" 
 
 He fell back with a grunt. "Oh, well, I know 
 but" 
 
 He coughed. By Jove, he seemed disappointed, 
 somehow ! 
 
 I proceeded calmly: "Real truth is, the beggar s 
 a notorious criminal, known to the police as Foxy 
 Grandpa pretends all sorts of things about people, 
 don t you know." 
 
 "My dear Lightnut," he was staring at me, 
 mouth distended "why how the devil do you 
 know this?" 
 
 I inhaled deliberately. "Awfully simple, don t
 
 JUDGE FIXES FOXY GRANDPA 301 
 
 you know," I responded quietly; and I let him wait 
 till I had blown six rings. "Fact is, I m the one 
 sent him to jail!" 
 
 "You!" his laugh was frankly amused, incred 
 ulous. 
 
 "Oh, yes !" carelessly "found the fellow thiev 
 ing in my rooms the other night and called in police 
 oh, they recognized him in a minute !" 
 
 He looked floored. "Well, what do you think of 
 that ?" he murmured slowly. Then his face flushed 
 and he sat erect. "And so that s all the crazier the 
 ruffian is that s the kind of smart Alex that s been 
 trying to get gay with me with me!" He started 
 up, snorting like a war-horse "Huh! Well, two 
 can play at that game, and" his eyes twinkled 
 wrathfully "I ll show him who s got the best 
 hand! I ll just " 
 
 The rest trailed off in a mutter. He had dropped 
 beside the telephone again, his cigar crushed firmly 
 in the corner of his mouth, his gray mustache bris 
 tling aggressively. I tried to trace the family re 
 semblance to Frances, but dashed if I could see a 
 single point. And while I was thinking of this, he 
 got his number. 
 
 "Yes, yes," I heard, "I do want to speak to him 
 personally this is Judge Billings!" a moment, 
 and then: "Morning, Commissioner this is Bil 
 lings. . . . Fine, thank you ! . . . Oh, no! No 
 bad effects at all takes more than that to throw a 
 seasoned old diner like my . . . What say?"
 
 302 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 a cackling chuckle "yes, I knew the dinner 
 would loosen him up! Had his promise before we 
 left the table; Soakem heard him so did Benedict. 
 . . . Yes oh, yes; he s got it had it with me, 
 you know, in case! . . . No-o-o, of course not; 
 not a single line or scrap!" a lower drop of tone 
 "just in a plain, blank envelope best way always, 
 you know. . . . Yes, that gives us a safe margin 
 in the Senate now, not even counting upon what 
 they do in committee and Soakem ll take care of 
 that end. . . . Yes, he went back to Albany this 
 morning he says the bill s safely deader n Hector 
 now. . . . Er, by the way, Commissioner,"- 
 the judge cleared his throat and his voice sobered : 
 "Little favor I want to ask h m! I m being 
 greatly annoyed by some low vagabond confined at 
 one of the stations. . . . Yes, I really mean it! 
 Captain Clutchem s precinct, you know and thi< 
 ruffian insists to them that he s my son. . . . No, 
 indeed, I m not joking at all. . . . All right, you 
 may laugh, but I fail to appreciate the funny side, 
 myself especially now, you know, when I m up to 
 my neck in this merger case. . . . How s that? 
 What do I want done? Oh, I wouldn t venture to 
 say as to that! I leave that to you! . . . / know, 
 . . . Yes, I understand all that, but . . . w r ait 
 wait just a minute ! Now you listen 
 
 The judge concentrated more intensely over the 
 instrument. 
 
 "You know what you asked me to do when I saw
 
 JUDGE FIXES FOXY GRANDPA 303 
 
 you last night and I refused" another voice drop 
 "with the mayor, you know? Well now listen 
 you make assurance that this scoundrel will not 
 bother me for thirty days and well, I give you 
 my word that I ll do all I can to bring things the 
 way you want. . . . Good ! . . . What ll you 
 do with him? Why, what in Sam Hill do 7 care 
 what you do with him ? . . . Oh, but say, Com 
 missioner yes, I do care, too!" a laugh here like a 
 jolly fiend "I shouldn t like for him to be put 
 away off in some nice, damp, dark cell to cool off- 
 he ! he ! he ! y understand ?" 
 
 He got so mixed up in his chuckling and cough 
 ing that he couldn t get out another word for a mo 
 ment. Then 
 
 "Oh, no ! CVr-tainly not ; nor one too hot and air 
 less, as you say he ! he ! he ! And don t put him 
 don t put him " the judge was gasping for air 
 now "don t put him on bread and water, or any 
 thing of that kind, nor in a cell with rude, rough 
 men who would tame his playful spirit he! he! he! 
 oh, don t do that! . . . What say? I didn t 
 quite catch " And then, dash it, it seemed he did 
 catch it, for he began waving his arm and pounding 
 the desk. "Oh oh, no, that would be too bad 
 really! . . . Eh? Oh, well, you know best it s 
 up to you now! . . . Bye, and many thanks, 
 Commissioner! Eh? All right, to-morrow then at 
 one at the Lawyers Club you can go over again 
 the points of what you want with the mayor. Bye !"
 
 3 04 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 And with good humor perfectly restored, he faced 
 me, wabbling like a jolly jellyfish. 
 
 " S greatest joke ever heard of in my life!" he 
 chortled. 
 
 "Oh, I say, how did you find Jack?" I asked, for 
 that was the thing I had begun to think of. 
 
 His face collapsed so clashed sudden, I was afraid 
 it would break. And from being a peppery red, he 
 changed to a devilish sickly yellow. 
 
 "Awful!" he said jerkily. "Something awful!" 
 And he groaned like a jolly horse in pain. "Went 
 up there, you know, but " his hands lifted and 
 dropped ; he shook his head "didn t seem to know 
 me at all was sitting there in his pajamas examin 
 ing with a magnifying glass some leaves he had 
 pulled at the window. Seems obsessed with some 
 crazy patter of talk I couldn t understand poor fel 
 low!" The judge sighed. "Only thing he seemed to 
 want me to do for him was to promise to wear his 
 pajamas to-night pajamas seem to be the focus 
 of his malady this time." 
 
 I swallowed pretty hard and looked down. 
 
 "I promised," continued the judge gloomily. 
 "And I ll do it oh, yes, anything to humor him! 
 He s to put them outside his door to-night it s his 
 own whim, you know." He went on moodily: "He 
 won t allow any luncheon sent up; says if not too 
 much trouble, would be grateful for two and one- 
 half ounces of unleavened bread and clabber what 
 the devil s clabber?"
 
 JUDGE FIXES FOXY GRANDPA 305 
 
 I had never heard of it knew, of course, no one 
 had ! 
 
 "Well," he said with a deep breath, "we ll just 
 have to do the best we can. Of course, under the 
 circumstances, it s best for him to keep his apart 
 ment Oh, say, would you like to go up?" 
 
 "Oh er think not !" I stammered. "Don t be 
 lieve I" 
 
 "You re right! You re right!" He pursed his 
 lips: "Too pitiful a sight only sadden you!" He 
 began gathering up the papers beh ind my arm, 
 though I murmured that they were not in my way 
 at all. The cathedral chimes in the hall had played 
 the half hour. The judge strolled over to the French 
 windows that opened upon the loggia. 
 
 "I say, Lightnut, have you ever noticed the view 
 from out here ?" he asked briskly. "Fine, you know ! 
 Nice to sit here and watch the boats have you your 
 cigarettes? Oh, yes! Try this chair! Now, if 
 you ll excuse me I ll be with you in 
 
 "Luncheon is served !" intoned a human machine. 
 
 "Ah-h!" The judge s tone evinced satisfaction. 
 "My dear Lightnut," his hand upon my arm, "do 
 you know I look upon you as so nearly one of us 
 
 "Thank you, judge!" I said feelingly. By Jove, 
 it was devilish comfy to have her father so jolly 
 friendly about it ! 
 
 "That I m just going to ask you to excuse me 
 from lunching with you know you ll understand, 
 my boy! so infernally busy, you see !"
 
 3 o6 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 I didn t see, though he had been saying this all 
 morning. But as he seemed to think he was busy, 
 I wasn t going to make any dashed break contra 
 dicting him, you know. So I pretended I did see. 
 
 "Thank you thank you, my boy !" He patted me 
 on the back. "And as you ll have an opportunity of 
 seeing a little more of that charming girl, Miss 
 Kirkland " Charming girl, indeed! I wondered 
 what he would think, if he knew of her designs on 
 poor Jack! "I want you to go in for her a bit 
 cultivate her a little ; you may change your opinion 
 eh?" He laughed softly and paused in our prog 
 ress through the library to dig me sharply in the side. 
 "Go ahead flirt with her, my boy ! She will like it 
 all girls do and it will do you good ; do both of 
 you good!" The old boy beamed at me over his 
 glasses as he vented a horrible chuckle ; didn t seem 
 to notice how painfully shocked I was. 
 
 A flirtation, indeed! And with the frump, of all 
 others ! Of course he was just having his little joke, 
 and didn t seem to realize what devilish poor taste he 
 exhibited as the father of my darling. 
 
 "Thank you," I said rather coldly, "but I don t 
 think that er sort of thing would show much 
 consideration for Frances and 
 
 "Rubbish!" And, by Jove, how he laughed ! "Do 
 you think Francis would show any consideration for 
 you?"-\\e snapped his fingers. "I think you re a bit 
 too quixotic, young man !" 
 
 I didn t know don t know now ; never was up on
 
 JUDGE FIXES FOXY GRANDPA 307 
 
 any of those legal terms. He knew what he meant ! 
 
 "Pshaw, now!" he went on, "if that s what s re 
 straining you, you must drop it ! I want you to have 
 a pleasant time while you are here with Miss Kirk- 
 land get along with you !" then he pulled me back 
 again "You needn t be thinking about the slightest 
 obligation so far as Francis is concerned. Why 
 should you when the affair is all one-sided ?" 
 
 "One one-sided?" I repeated falteringly. 
 
 "Why, yes; the girl doesn t care for anybody in 
 the whole word except her old father and he idol 
 izes her!" 
 
 Oh, did he ! 
 
 "So you go on in there and loosen up have a 
 good time and make her have one ; and keep it up 
 this afternoon. I m so anxious for you to find some 
 thing to interest and occupy you His glance 
 dropped an instant to the papers and law books as 
 though wishing he had something better with which 
 to occupy himself. "Besides," he added carelessly, 
 "Francis won t be here to see what you do gone off 
 with Scoggins up somewhere in the hills big dog 
 fight up there and Francis took four curs, Scoggins 
 two they won t be back till night so go ahead!" 
 
 But I had caught the back of a chair. 
 
 "Dog-fight?" I said faintly. "Frances up in the 
 hills and and with Scoggins?" And she had 
 only left me a half-hour ago ! 
 
 "Why, certainly!" he said wearily, almost testily. 
 "What of it ? I tell you you ve got to get your ideas
 
 3 o8 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 all readjusted about Francis. What s the matter 
 with the dog-fight ?" 
 
 "So so surprised," I faltered; "so unexpected, 
 you know !" 
 
 "Poof!" and he pushed me out through the 
 doorway "I never face anything unexpected in that 
 quarter!" 
 
 But I think he would have, if he had followed me 
 across into the dining-room and had faced, as I 
 did- 
 
 Frances ! 
 
 "So glad you didn t go to the dog-fight!" I said 
 presently, beaming across at her delightedly. 
 
 Her sweet lips glowed at me as her dainty fingers 
 poised the tiny trident before her lips. Jove, how I 
 envied that jolly oyster! Then she smiled witch- 
 ingly, teasingly. 
 
 "It wasn t because I didn t have an invitation," 
 she responded archly. 7 knew! That beast, Scog- 
 gins! 
 
 "Umph ;" grunted the frump, seated on the curve 
 between us. "I verily believe Francis would go to 
 anything !" 
 
 I scowled couldn t help it, dash it ! And Frances 
 saw, and ducked her head, biting her lip and blush 
 ing. I could have choked the frump for so embar 
 rassing her ! 
 
 Yet the woman did try to be pleasant to me. 
 
 "Did you ever find a pearl in an oyster, Mr. Light- 
 nut ?" she asked.
 
 JUDGE FIXES FOXY GRANDPA 309 
 
 "By Jove, no!" I said, staring at her for the fool 
 question. For who could ever lose a pearl in a jolly 
 oyster, don t you know ? And yet, the next instant : 
 
 "/ have !" said my darling, glancing up at me the 
 oddest way. 
 
 "Have you, Frances?" the frump faced her 
 interestedly. "You should examine with a micro 
 scope the interstratifications of calcareous matter 
 and animal membrane." 
 
 My beauty looked down at her plate. 
 
 "I am examining it," she said gravely, "and 
 microscopically. Probably shall this afternoon." 
 
 But she didn t! No, by Jove, we were together 
 almost all the afternoon, though we never could get 
 away from the frump dash it, she just took charge 
 of us. And it was the same again in the evening. 
 By Jove, it was disgusting really, that s the only 
 word to use the way that woman assumed toward 
 everybody the air of expect-to-be-mistress-here- 
 some-day-and-might-as-well-begin-now! 
 
 Once she did break away from us for fifteen min 
 utes while she went up to see how Jack was. She 
 came back much relieved. 
 
 "He was so glad to see me," she said, "and he 
 kissed me twice. We had such an interesting dis- 
 ttission about the amoeba." 
 
 "The what?" asked Frances. 
 
 "The amoeba; tiny animalcules, don t you know, 
 that have the power of changing their form and ap 
 pearance, Jacky thinks that perhaps man, too, in
 
 3 io THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 the process of time and evolution might scientifically 
 acquire this " 
 
 "How silly!" laughed my darling. And I thought 
 so too. Of course if a man looked like himself once, 
 he would ahvays look like himself. Any fool knew 
 that ! 
 
 Later, the judge came to my room, accompanied 
 by Wilkes with some Heidelberg punch, frappe. 
 
 "Couldn t leave you out of this," he said genially; 
 "besides, wanted to toast your first night under the 
 roof of Wolhurst! 
 
 "Hope they re making you comfortable," he went 
 on. "Infernal shame, Lightnut, that I ve had to neg 
 lect you so; so absurdly busy, you know you un 
 derstand ?" 
 
 I pretended to, for I knew he wanted me to think 
 that, but I had heard the butler tell the frump that 
 the judge was reading. 
 
 "Don t expect to retire at all," he continued ; "and 
 then there s my promise to my poor boy I must 
 keep that somehow ; never failed on a promise in my 
 life I mean, you know, about wearing his new pa 
 jamas." He shook his head sadly. 
 
 "T be sure!" and I swallowed hard Jove, but 
 the very word, "pajamas," gave me cold marrows! 
 
 "And, my boy, I haven t forgotten my promise to 
 you, either," he continued, smiling kindly and re 
 plenishing my glass to the brim. "I m still going to 
 have a word with Francis to-night that is, if they
 
 JUDGE FIXES FOXY GRANDPA 311 
 
 ever get back from that infernal dog-fight I want 
 to pave the way for you, you know." 
 
 "Thanks awfully !" I murmured nervously. 
 
 Somehow, I felt mean always hate to feel mean, 
 dash it felt almost like a jolly cad, in fact. 
 Couldn t tell him how far Frances and I had pro 
 gressed already; he might take it out on her, you 
 know. And then, to find out that he didn t know 
 she hadn t gone to the dog-fight after all ! 
 
 "Well," he sighed, "I will manage it all somehow, 
 even about the pajamas. Perhaps, when the house 
 is quiet, I may here, have another oh, yes, you 
 must! won t hurt you; only a pint or so of rum 
 in the whole mixture. Fine, isn t it? Yes, I think 
 Wilkes is certainly an artist, when it comes to a 
 nightcap. Now, let me fill yours again oh, yes!"- 
 and he did it "Won t hurt a baby make you sleep 
 tight, you know!" 
 
 And, by Jove, I had to go it ! 
 
 "Well he shifted as if to go, and sent me a 
 smile over his glass s rim, "pleasant dreams!" 
 
 And then the door closed behind our "good 
 nights." 
 
 Jenkins was studying me somberly. 
 
 "Yes, sir," he said presently, when I had made 
 comment about the bully punch. And that was 
 about all I could get out of him, until he was ready 
 to push out the light. 
 
 Then he addressed me gloomily :
 
 3 i2 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 "Good night, sir," he said with a sickly, feeble 
 smile, "I hope you ll sleep well ; and " he coughed 
 faintly "and er wake up h m all right!" 
 
 "Frisky as a " I bunched my head sleepily into 
 the pillow "as a jolly " But the idea wouldn t 
 come! 
 
 "Night!" I murmured; and let it go at that!
 
 CHAPTER XXXI 
 
 THE DEMON RUM 
 
 I DIDN T feel frisky when I awoke! 
 No, dash it, I had a devilish headache and my 
 mouth had that gummy, warm-varnish taste you 
 know ! The sunlight lay across the floor, and out 
 side I could hear the jolly birds twittering among 
 their what s-its-names. Jenkins stood by the foot of 
 the bed and somehow had a gloomy look. He 
 cleared his throat, and I had a feeling that he had 
 already done it several times. I raised to my elbow, 
 mouthing at him heavily. 
 
 "Morning, sir!" He said it very gently I 
 thought solicitously. "How do you feel, sir?" This 
 last in the kind of tone you use when the chap s go 
 ing to die to-morrow, don t you know, and doesn t 
 know it yet himself. 
 
 I mumbled reply, gulping down the glass of ice- 
 water he tendered. 
 
 He rubbed his hands one over the other and 
 stooped above me anxiously. 
 
 "I hope, sir, you re not in much pain from last 
 night, sir, I mean?" 
 
 "Pain?" I ejaculated crossly. "Why should I be 
 in pain? Don t be a silly ass !" 
 
 313
 
 3 14 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 "Yes, sir!" very softly, and with a deep sigh as 
 he dropped back. By Jove, he looked as cheerful 
 as a jolly tombstone! 
 
 "What the deuce " I began. 
 
 "Noth nothing, sir!" hastily "I was just 
 a-thinking of the h m may I say scrimmage, 
 sir?" 
 
 I waited till I had taken from his hand the second 
 glass of ice-water and swallowed it, thinking maybe 
 I would get hold of it the dashed idea, I mean. 
 
 I batted at him perplexedly. 
 
 "What was that? Scrimmage? I don t remem 
 ber hearing anything what s that ?" 
 
 And I reached for another glass. 
 
 "Pardon, sir " Jenkins eye shifted unhappily; 
 "but may I ask, sir, what is the last thing you do 
 remember ?" 
 
 "Eh?" 
 
 I sat up a bit straighter, rubbing my head and 
 devilish annoyed at being made to try to think at all. 
 Then I remembered : We were in a jolly blue aero 
 plane drawn by golden humming-birds and she was 
 just telling me no, dash it, that was a dream just 
 a dashed dream! I groaned, dropping my head upon 
 my knees. "Why, the last thing I remember was the 
 punch punch " 
 
 "Punch yes, sir !" And Jenkins sighed. 
 
 "Your punch to put out the light," I finished. 
 Then I looked at him, startled. "Oh, I say, now, it 
 wasn t burglars, was it?"
 
 THE DEMON RUM 315 
 
 You see, I thought at once of Foxy Grandpa and 
 my darling s pajamas. 
 
 "Not precisely, sir." Jenkins hesitated; then 
 moved a little nearer. "I I hope you ll pardon me, 
 Mr. Lightnut, sir ; but I can t help a feeling that you 
 ought to know everything before h m I was go 
 ing to say, sir, before you see the family. I hope 
 you ll pardon me, sir!" he heaved desperately "I 
 mean about all that happened last night." 
 
 I stared. "Oh, I say, Jenkins," I said, with an 
 anxious thought, "you didn t er you know I 
 mean you and Wilkes didn t drink the rest of the 
 punch after he took it away, you know eh?" 
 
 "Me?" Jenkins hand clutched the heavy brass 
 curve at the foot of the bed. "No, sir!" and he 
 added sadly : "Besides, sir, there wasn t any rest of 
 it! Mr. Wil I mean Wilkes, was a-commenting 
 on it. That was how I come to find I didn t have 
 any more of the blank pledges. So I just walked 
 across the park to get some extra ones I had given 
 the gardener, and he said I could have em all, if 
 I d just let him get a little sleep ; and he chucked em 
 all out of his window. Seemed irritated like because 
 I woke him up. And then, sir, I don t know whether 
 it was because of the splashing of the fountains, but 
 I had an idea." 
 
 "That s nothing," I said contemptuously, "I often 
 do at night when I hear water splashing. I often 
 get up and get something." 
 
 Jenkins face sobered. "I know it, sir pardon,
 
 3 i6 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 sir, I mean I frequently know you have h m 
 know by the glasses you understand, sir!" Then 
 he went on : "The idea that came to me was a great 
 liberty I know that, sir, and I m sorry but I guess 
 I was thinking that about the end justifies you 
 know it, sir?" 
 
 I didn t know, but I did wish he would make an 
 end! 
 
 "The library windows was open on the loggia, sir, 
 and when I looked in, I didn t see anybody and I 
 thought " Jenkins coughed and looked devilish 
 rattled "thought I would just slip in and lay a few 
 of the temperance pledges between the papers the 
 judge had been working on." Jenkins reddened, 
 looking at me in an appealing way. 
 
 "Jove!" I ejaculated, staring. "Oh, I say, now!" 
 
 "Yes, sir," faintly "I knew how you would 
 feel I ain t excusing myself, sir; and when I 
 heard your voice I tried to get out, but there wasn t 
 time, so I " Jenkins touched his hands in front, 
 then behind him, and shifted distressfully, "I I hid 
 behind the alcove curtains h m and just then 
 
 "Here!" I broke in, "Wait, dash it! Whose voice 
 did you hear?" 
 
 Jenkins eyes ducked. 
 
 "Yours, sir," he said faintly. "And then you 
 came in." 
 
 I stared, trying to take it in. Couldn t chirp a 
 word, don t you know, for to think I had taken to 
 sleep-walking and her el
 
 THE DEMON RUM 317 
 
 Jenkins proceeded rapidly: "You was cording a 
 dressing-robe about you as you came in and I see 
 a glimpse of one of your dark suits underneath. 
 And following right behind you was that young Mr. 
 Bi h m pardon, sir, I remember you said I wasn t 
 to mention any one connected with that ni h m! 
 You know who I mean, sir?" he paused anxiously 
 "Young man, sir freckled face and the big lot 
 of" his spreading fingers curved above his head 
 "awfully yellow hair um, you know, sir ?" 
 
 "Oh, that!" I said with contempt, for I knew he 
 meant that mucker, Scoggins. Then incredulously : 
 "Oh, I say, you don t mean I was talking to him? 
 And asleep ?" 
 
 Jenkins eyed me reproachfully. "Not asleep, sir," 
 he remonstrated gently. 
 
 "But I tell you" 
 
 "Mr. Lightnut, sir, it was the punch!" He shook 
 his head. "If you ll excuse me for mentioning 
 
 "Oh!" I remarked weakly, falling back upon tny 
 pillow. "Jove, Jenkins !" And I just looked at him 
 stupidly fact ! 
 
 Jenkins stroked his chin, his eyes fixed somberly 
 above my head. "The demon rum, sir," he said 
 slowly, and using the deep, heavy chest tones like 
 the high-up politicians and expensive lecturers, "is 
 rampant in our fair land that s what I heard Doc 
 tor Splasher remark and the insid jus monster is 
 slowly " 
 
 And he went on, but I didn t hear. I was trying
 
 3 i8 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 to think. So I hadn t been sleep-walking, but had 
 been just plain drunk and in her home! so jolly 
 well corked, in fact, I hadn t even a dashed glimmer 
 of memory of it. Had been making a spectacle of 
 myself, going all about the house in the wee what- 
 you-call- em hours of the night and probably oh, 
 good heavens, probably singing! 
 
 I dropped my head back upon the pillow. 
 
 "Go on," I said. "Tell me all!" 
 
 "Yes, sir," resumed Jenkins, "as I was saying, 
 you came in with you know er the young fel 
 low. He kinder slouched in, looking a bit sulk}-. 
 
 " T ve been watching for you to get back from tlie 
 dog-fight/ you says to him ; sit down, I want to talk 
 to you. But the young fellow just stood square in 
 the middle of the floor and just kinder scowled 
 black. 
 
 "Then you says, pleasant-like : I ve been talking 
 with a friend of yours, my son, who thinks I haven t 
 treated you quite fair. 
 
 " *O ! says this young fellow, and seems kinder 
 surprised. Then he got red. 
 
 " And so, my boy, you went on, tightening your 
 glass as you looked at him, if I ve been harsh I m 
 sorry suppose we start all over again what do 
 you say? I don t want to cross you in anything 
 if I can help it I want to help you. 
 
 My abrupt ejaculation halted Jenkins an instant, 
 then he proceeded : 
 
 " I say, do you mean that? asks young Mr. Bi
 
 THE DEMON RUM 319 
 
 I mean, this young fellow" Jenkins stirred nerv 
 ously "and you says, kinder laughing : there s my 
 hand on it ! and then you both shook. 
 
 " One minute/ says the boy, still looking kinder 
 puzzled and uncertain, I want to know what about 
 Frances. How do we stand about that? 
 
 "You just laughed sorter and went up and clapped 
 him right on the shoulder and you says : Why, if 
 you can, my son, just go in and win her. / don t 
 care! and you said it hearty-like. You went on: 
 I haven t a word to say in fact, I d be only too 
 glad to see you succeed. 
 
 Here I straightened with almost a screech : 
 
 "What? I said that? Oh, now, Jenkins, you 
 oh, you re mistaken!" 
 
 Jenkins eyed me sorrowfully. 
 
 "Your words, sir, exactly, and then you went on, 
 kinder persuadingly : Why, I haven t meant to 
 stand in your way at all ! 
 
 I groaned. 
 
 "Go on !" I breathed through my teeth. Then I 
 straightened forward. "What did the judge call 
 that punch what kind?" 
 
 "Heidelberg punch, sir," a sympathetic pause as 
 I swept my hand through my hair. "Yes, sir, it cer 
 tainly must be something high oh, awful, sir!" 
 
 He went on as I dipped my head at him. "Then 
 this young chap catches you by the hand and he says, 
 "Why, you re a brick, after all! And you says: 
 Yes, we ll get along better now, my boy, and you
 
 320 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 want to be mighty grateful to Dicky Lightnut for 
 it. And this young fellow says, kinder smiling: 
 Indeed, I am! And then him and you just shook 
 hands again all over." 
 
 Jenkins stopped for breath, but I didn t say a 
 word. By Jove, it all made me a bit sick, don t you 
 know. Oh, I must have been maudlin, that s what 
 maudlin. I managed to wag my head to start 
 him off again ; couldn t speak, you know ! 
 
 "Yes, sir." Then you says : That s all right, now, 
 my boy; so you run along, because I m awfully busy. 
 To-morrow we ll talk some more. 
 
 Bully ! says the chap. Good night, old man ! 
 Then he turns back, kinder smiling sidewise. Tt s 
 sure on the level, is it, that you re going to let me 
 have a clear road with Frances? 
 
 Oh, bother Frances ! you says laughing. Yes, 
 yes, and when you win her, she ll be to me as my 
 own girl. And I know I ll have her love, too. 
 
 What s that ? says the young fellow, kinder 
 frowning. And you says, easy-like, Why, we ll 
 just be one happy family. Then you chuckled like 
 you was mighty pleased and says : And I think she 
 is learning to like me pretty well already. Why, do 
 you know what she did to-night? She came right 
 up to me and in the sweetest way kissed me good 
 night. " 
 
 "Oh !" I said, digging my fingers into the bed 
 clothes, "Oh!" 
 
 "Yes, sir!" said Jenkins chokily. He went on:
 
 THE DEMON RUM 321 
 
 "This young fellow just marches right close up to 
 you and says, speaking kinder quiet and his eyes 
 shining, You say Frances kissed you? And you 
 sorter gave a laugh and dug him in the side and you 
 says, I do believe the boy is jealous! Why, yes, 
 you rascal, she certainly did she kissed me ! 
 
 " Well, it s a lie ! he says back, pointing at you 
 with his finger. Because it ain t like her. And he 
 got closer. 
 
 " See here, he says, have you just been trying to 
 get gay with me to-night? Huh! well, I m just 
 going to box your jaws for luck ! 
 
 " What? you gasps what s that? and you 
 storms up to him Why, you young puppy, do you 
 know who you re talking to? you says. 
 
 " Bah ! he says, and he just goes up and snaps his 
 fingers in your face. You chokes kinder, and then 
 you yells at him: Why, you young ruffian, I ve 
 spanked you before, and I can do it again 
 
 " Yah ! he says, making faces at you. You 
 spanked ! You hit me when I wasn t looking. My 
 foot slipped. 
 
 " Foot slipped, you blanked fool ! you shouts at 
 him, and then " Jenkins wiped his forehead 
 "Then the next thing I see, you mixed." 
 
 "Ah!" I breathed with relief. "That s better!" 
 
 I chuckled. Then suddenly I felt remorseful. 
 
 "Where did I hit him this time, Jenkins did you 
 notice? Was he hurt much?" 
 
 Jenkins looked down, avoiding my eyes. "Um,
 
 322 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 not exactly, sir," he said ; "in fact, it was er kind 
 er the other way." 
 
 I stared, aghast. 
 
 "You don t mean, Jenkins 
 
 Jenkins evidently did ! His eyes expressed both 
 pity and embarrassment. 
 
 "What he did to you," he rolled his glance up 
 ward, trying to shape the idea "I believe, sir, it s 
 what you might call" his voice dropped "I be 
 lieve it s what they do call wiping up the floor with." 
 
 I closed my eyes an instant. 
 
 "Finish !" I whispered, feebly flipping my hand at 
 him. 
 
 "He left then, sir, but the noise brought Wilkes 
 and we helped you up-stairs. You wouldn t go any 
 farther than the door of the judge s bedroom- 
 wanted to tell him, we supposed. When we got that 
 far, I noticed Mr. Jack Billings door it s right op 
 posite, you remember, sir was standing just a little 
 open. He called out very anxious and shrill : Oh, 
 do be very careful of the pajamas ! My ! my ! I hope 
 the pajamas are not hurt ! 
 
 "And at that, you just bangs inside the judge s 
 room and in about two minutes, he stuck his head 
 out, looking kinder towsled and mad like he d been 
 waked from a sound sleep, and he fires a wrapped- 
 up parcel at the door opposite and yells : 
 
 " There are your pajamas, you unnatural, heart 
 less prodigal! Pajamas, indeed, at such a time!
 
 THE DEMON RUM 323 
 
 And then I see Mr. Jack s arm come out and fish 
 the package inside. 
 
 "Then the judge turns on me and Wilkes and or 
 dered us to clear out and to go to bed. And Wilkes 
 said we d best do it because the judge would take 
 care of you and get you to your room quietly. And 
 the last thing I heard before he slammed inside his 
 room was : 
 
 " There s one thing ; I ve got a daughter ! 
 
 I looked at Jenkins miserably. He was right; he 
 did have a daughter, and I wanted her. But just 
 now, I wished with all heart that she was somebody s 
 anybody else s daughter than that of the man 
 who had witnessed my humiliation. 
 
 And afterwards 
 
 How had he managed to get me to my room? 
 And had she seen or heard me? Oh, she must have ! 
 
 Well, nothing mattered now nothing could ever 
 matter any more. It was some miserable comfort 
 to feel, and know, that nothing worse could ever 
 happen ! 
 
 Why, there was nothing worse left in all the 
 world. By Jove, I was sure of that much ! 
 
 And just then a knock sounded.
 
 CHAPTER XXXII 
 
 I TOUCH BOTTOM 
 
 "TDARDON, sir, for not waiting till you came 
 *- down," the butler was saying, "but Mr. Billings 
 was just so set on me bringing this to you, I had 
 to." 
 
 He had entered, responding to Jenkins invitation, 
 bearing in his hand a gray paper parcel. 
 
 "For me?" I questioned, as he laid it on the table, 
 and I eyed it ominously. Yet it could not be the 
 same I had sent Billings myself I could see that 
 for it was smaller, more compact, and in a different 
 wrapper. But I was afraid to examine it. 
 
 "Yes, sir he s very bad this morning, sir; the 
 er that is, something last night seems to have ex 
 cited him." 
 
 His eye roved eloquently between Jenkins and 
 myself. He continued soberly : 
 
 "He s locked me and Perkins out of his rooms 
 again, and wouldn t open the door only wide enough 
 to stick this through. And his message" hesitat 
 ingly "he said just tell you you had better get 
 these pajamas back where they came from just as 
 
 324
 
 I TOUCH BOTTOM 325 
 
 quickly as you could you would if you were wise, 
 he said." 
 
 "Oh!" I uttered, dazed by this new blow. So it 
 was her pajamas. 
 
 But there was more of the message I could see 
 it in Wilkes eye. 
 
 "Yes, sir," he went on as I gave him a nod. "Mr. 
 Billings called through the door-crack and his voice 
 was particularly shrill screechy-like very unnat 
 ural, sir and he said : You tell him I say he ll find 
 it very dangerous to keep them by him a moment; 
 tell him my advice is to return them immediately! 
 
 Here the butler hesitated an instant and added: 
 "And he said for me to try to remember three let 
 ters I was to mention said you would understand." 
 
 "Three letters?" I repeated dully. 
 
 "Yes, sir, three letters I did remember em, too, 
 because they happened to be the initials of a young 
 woman I h m! Q. E. D., sir." 
 
 "Q. E. D. ?" I said, puzzled and miserable. 
 "What s Q. E. D. ?" And then an idea startled me. 
 
 "Oh I say, you mean er P. D. Q. eh, 
 Wilkes ?" It sounded like Jack ! 
 
 But he seemed sure he didn t; insisted on Q. E. D. 
 When he had withdrawn, I sat there a moment, 
 swallowing hard. By Jove, when a chap has had the 
 hardest blow of his life, and that, too, from his best 
 friend, it s devilish hard to come up smiling. I took 
 a deep breath and tried to pull myself together. I 
 knew, of course, it was all over everything; it was
 
 326 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 all over, just as everything was beginning with me. 
 For I knew my life never had been worth a whoop 
 before. Why, by Jove, I never even noticed how 
 beautiful were the trees and the sunshine through 
 the leaves until the last two days ! But I had seen it, 
 because she had seen it ! And now now it was all 
 dull and flat and dead again, and all the world was 
 gray ! Ever been there eh ? 
 
 I climbed heavily to my feet, for I knew, after all, 
 he was acting devilish considerately as he saw things, 
 and I must just have the decency to do as he said 
 and then go. I couldn t explain, of course. 
 Mustn t try to do that so dashed clumsy, I would 
 only complicate it for her. No, I By Jove, I 
 suddenly felt sick. Sat there, doubled forward, my 
 head between my hands, as the butler retired, softly 
 closing the door behind him. 
 
 Presently I pulled myself together. Jenkins, as 
 he helped me dress, eyed me in a frightened way, his 
 face kind of pale and greenish. Neither of us said 
 a word, but I knew I had his sympathy, poor fellow 
 and it helped ! Then, with the parcel in my hand, 
 I marched slowly down the stairs, forgetting even 
 some instructions I should have given Jenkins. 
 
 She was there in the living-room she and the 
 frump. And when I saw her dear face and realized 
 what disaster had come between us, I felt things 
 whirling around me like a jolly what s-its-name and 
 dropped my hand on a chair-back hard, until I could 
 stiffen and smile up. But, by Jove, she was on !
 
 I TOUCH BOTTOM 327 
 
 "Is anything the matter, Mr. Lightnut?" she 
 asked, coming toward me and how kindly, almost 
 tenderly, her sweet face softened ! 
 
 "Is it anything about Jacky?" snapped the frump. 
 
 I shook my head and just gently placed the little 
 wrapped parcel in Frances hands. My hand shook 
 so I almost dropped it. 
 
 "Some something of yours that was lost," I 
 said, and I knew my voice shook a little, too. "I 
 was fortunate in recovering it." I looked at her 
 for the last time, I knew and it was just my devil 
 ish luck that she got misty and dim. I \vhispered 
 hoarsely: "Open when you are alone." 
 
 And then I walked straight out of the house ! 
 
 A gardener directed me to the park gates, but 
 there were so many dashed curves and terraces I 
 got hopelessly twisted, and pretty soon didn t know 
 whether I was leaving or coming, don t you know. 
 I sat down on an iron bench to think it over, and, by 
 Jove, I must have dozed off, for the first thing I 
 knew some one yelled my name, and I looked up to 
 see Billings ! 
 
 He was looking a bit soiled and disheveled, and 
 his eyes had a hunted look. 
 
 "What the devil are you doing, sitting here ?" he 
 demanded. 
 
 "I I m going," I said, hurriedly getting to my 
 feet. "Just resting I" 
 
 "They told me I would find you here," he said. 
 "Here you are, sitting out here in the hot sun with-
 
 328 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 out any hat! Good thing, Dicky, you haven t got 
 any h m !" Then he panted at me : "Say, nice way 
 you and my sister treated me I don t think! But 
 I ll forgive you this time." Here he linked his arm 
 in mine. "I ll forgive you, if you never say any 
 thing at the club about those damned black pajamas 
 nor in the family, either. Great Scott ! I wouldn t 
 have this get out !" 
 
 "I wouldn t think of such a thing!" I exclaimed, 
 immeasurably relieved, but indignant, as well. He 
 led me across the turf. 
 
 "Oh, I ve had an awful time, Dicky! Awful!" 
 he lifted his hands "Oh, I don t want to tell you 
 about it I don t want even to think about it my 
 self!" 
 
 I murmured something sympathetic, for I felt 
 sympathetic with anything; besides, there still lin 
 gered a bit of headache from the Heidelberg punch 
 and I could imagine from that what his feelings 
 must have been. 
 
 "By George, Dicky," he burst out again, "the way 
 I ve been shut up and treated just seems like some 
 infernal conspiracy. Good thing Jack Ellsworth s 
 dad had a pull with the mayor tell you all the 
 whole rotten business when I can talk about it 
 quietly." 
 
 "That s right! that s right!" I said soothingly, 
 "wouldn t think about it at all now, old chap !" No 
 use reminding him, you know, that he had shut 
 himself up. Besides, the wandering of the mind
 
 I TOUCH BOTTOM 329 
 
 to Jack Ellsworth and his father showed me that 
 even yet he was not quite himself. 
 
 Billings mopped his forehead. "My, but it was 
 hot in that hole!" he exclaimed. "And that re 
 minds me have you seen the governor this morn 
 ing? No? Well, talk about hot! George, but the 
 old man was hot under the collar when I saw him 
 just now ! And he looks like he had been dropped 
 from a shot tower! It s this case he s working on, 
 I guess, or else it s about Francis. He s found out 
 what / knew." 
 
 "Do do you think so?" I questioned nervously. 
 
 "Pretty sure," said Billings carelessly. "Fact is, 
 he s already fixing up to send Francis to some kind 
 of reformatory heard him making the arrange 
 ments over the phone" I was glad he didn t look 
 at me as he rattled on "and, by the way, the gov 
 ernor told me to tell you not to say a word to 
 Francis I suppose you ll understand." 
 
 Understand? Oh, yes, 7 understood!" 
 
 "And he said he wanted to see you." 
 
 "Is is he here?" I stammered, pulling back. 
 
 "Thank goodness, no. Gone to meet Colonel 
 
 Francis Kirkland say, don t say anything about it 
 
 wants to surprise his daughter, you know. On 
 
 his way to London via San Francisco arrived at 
 
 Washington a few days ago." 
 
 Oh, the frump s father! Much I cared! But 
 knowing how interested he was in her, I tried to 
 show an interest.
 
 330 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 "Colonel Francis er isn t his daughter named 
 after him?" And I felt myself grow jolly red, for 
 I remembered that she had told me that about her 
 friend as she sat on the arm of the Morris chair and 
 in the black pajamas. 
 
 "Hanged if / know," said Billings carelessly. "I 
 don t know what her name is don t remember that 
 I ever heard." He whistled. "Say, but did you 
 ever see anything as stunningly pretty in your life?" 
 
 I balked. By Jove, I had been doing some mild 
 lying within the past twenty-four hours, but this 
 was asking too much ! Dash me if I just could go 
 it, that s all. But he didn t seem to notice. 
 
 He slapped me on the back. "By George, Dicky, 
 there s just the girl cut out for you, old chap take 
 my tip. I think she likes you, too could see it just 
 now when I was talking about you." 
 
 So that was it, I reflected gloomily. The frump 
 now was to be worked off on me, and I was expected 
 to stand for it. I was to be a sort of what-you- 
 call-it offering on the altar of friendship. That was 
 the condition upon which he was patching up things ! 
 
 Billings laughed suddenly. "But, oh, I tell you it 
 would be hard on Francis a regular knockout, by 
 George!" 
 
 Devilish brutal for him to say so, I thought. 
 
 "Do you think so?" I questioned dismally. 
 "Would Frances really care?" 
 
 "Oh, yes," he said lightly. "Soon get over it, 
 though puppy love, you know."
 
 I TOUCH BOTTOM 331 
 
 Puppy love, indeed! By Jove, how I hated Bil 
 lings ! 
 
 He went on : "Suppose you never heard any 
 thing of the professor and the pajamas?" 
 
 I had not, and I was devilish sick of pajamas, 
 anyway. 
 
 "And say, Dicky, I don t remember that I ever 
 thanked you properly, old man, for putting up my 
 kid brother the other night. He says you treated 
 him like a brick and that you and he got to be great 
 pals. So much obliged, old chap, because he wanted 
 to go running around, you know." 
 
 "Your brother?" I questioned, astonished, and I 
 guess my face must have showed it, for Billings 
 eyes, first opening wide, narrowed, and his counte 
 nance began to gather an angry red. He stopped 
 short. 
 
 "Didn t he stay with you?" he snapped. 
 
 I stared blankly. "Why, Billings I didn t know 
 I didn t remember you had a brother. I never 
 have seen him." 
 
 fillings face swelled redder, and he struck his 
 fist down with an oath. He looked angrily toward 
 the house. Then he stepped hurriedly in advance of 
 me. 
 
 "Excuse me, old chap, will you?" he said, his 
 voice hardened. "Will see you at luncheon make 
 yourself at home, won t you?"
 
 CHAPTER XXXIII 
 
 UNDER THE PERGOLA 
 
 MAKE myself at home! I sneaked under the 
 quiet shade in a convenient pergola, and, drop 
 ping upon a bench, gazed gloomily at the sunlight 
 patches at my feet. 
 
 "Oh, here you are, eh?" broke harshly upon me. 
 
 I looked up, startled from my mood. There, 
 hands upon his hips and scowling, stood the chauf 
 feur! 
 
 I frowned, but the fellow just moved nearer. 
 
 "I guess mamma s baby don t feel so spry this 
 morning!" he jeered. "Does its little heady-cums 
 ache-urns eh ?" 
 
 I grunted rather wearily. "If it does, my good 
 fellow, it s none of your business. Don t bother 
 me!" I shifted the other way. 
 
 "Oh, isn t it?" his tone quickened truculently 
 "Well, maybe I ll make it my business !" He jerked 
 his arm at me, continuing sharply : "Look here, 
 you glass-eyed monkey-jack, don t you get flip with 
 me this morning" he laughed coarsely "or I ll 
 think you want some more ! Do you ?" 
 
 I turned my head and, polishing my monocle care 
 fully, gave it a tight screw and took him in slowly, 
 
 332
 
 UNDER THE PERGOLA 333 
 
 beginning with his yellow mop of hair and ending 
 with the toes of his soiled canvas shoes. By Jove, I 
 was sure they d never been whitened since he bought 
 them. 
 
 I seemed to anger him. He uttered a sort of 
 snort with a mutter uncomplimentary and strode for 
 ward, towering above me where I sat. 
 
 "Answer, when I m talking to you, you sap- 
 headed fool," he bellowed, "or I ll wring your neck ! 
 I asked if you wanted some more." 
 
 I stretched my arms, trying their muscle room in 
 a lengthy yawn, and blinked at him with my free eye, 
 wondering where the deuce he got the crimson hat 
 band. By Jove, that was the most dashed imperti 
 nent thing of all ! 
 
 "More what?" I drawled indifferently. 
 
 "More of that!" viciously and thwack his 
 knuckles struck against the iron back of the jolly 
 bench. For I wasn t there, don t you know. 
 
 "Huh ! Think you re some smart, don t you ?" he 
 sneered, hitching his trousers band. "Now, look 
 here" he leveled his finger "you re a guest here 
 and I know I oughtn t to do it, and I hate it for 
 Jack s sake, but I m feeling I ll just have to give 
 you another trimming this lovely morning!" He 
 chuckled, rolling his lips and spreading them till I 
 could see every tooth. He moved toward me lei 
 surely, slipping up his sleeves. "What you got last 
 night, sonny, was for your own sake, but this time 
 it s going to be for Frances you fishworm!"
 
 334 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 "Guess we ll leave Miss Frances out of it, don t 
 you know," I remonstrated. Dash the fellow s im 
 pudence ! Then, remembering I was wearing a coat 
 of dark cheviot that was the very devil for showing 
 every speck of dust, I slipped out of it and looked 
 about for somewhere to hang it. Not a dashed 
 place, of course ; not a thing, you know, except nails 
 here and there in the wooden uprights of the pergola, 
 and of course nails wouldn t do to hang a coat on. 
 So I just folded the jolly thing carefully very care 
 fully, just as I had seen Jenkins do and then I 
 held it on my arm. 
 
 The chap had been shifting about me in a curve, 
 clucking his tongue contemptuously and muttering, 
 and getting more jolly red-eyed and abusive every 
 minute. 
 
 "Be a man!" he snarled. "You blame tailor s 
 dummy, be a man!" And he struck his chest a blow 
 to show me what he meant. 
 
 And just then I remembered to smooth my hair- 
 part. 
 
 "Oh, you With a growl like a bear, he swept 
 both his hands to his head and whirled them through 
 his great yellow pile, leaving each hair standing on 
 end like the quills on the fretful what s-its-name. 
 Then he danced toward me, pausing irregularly to 
 double over with a chuckle. 
 
 "Oh, this is too good!" he yelped. "But I can t 
 help it; I jest can t refuse the money, Lizzie! I
 
 UNDER THE PERGOLA 335 
 
 know they ll send me away for this, but Oh, 
 mamma !" 
 
 And over he d double again. 
 
 Oddest thing, isn t it, how your jolly active mind 
 will wander at the rummest times; and I had a 
 thought then of how, when I was a delicate boy, 
 bully old Doctor Dake and Doctor Madden had pre 
 scribed a punching-bag, and later boxing-gloves. 
 And I thought with a pang of what ripping times 
 the governor and I had, scrapping, and of what 
 knocks he gradually began to give me until he forced 
 me to learn to come back harder. Jove, what cork 
 ing hours we had ! And then when Chugsey, the re 
 tired English light-weight champion, came to butler 
 oh, what smashing three-handed rounds we used 
 to have ! Bully old governor, who was never so busy 
 on his sermons but what he could take a walk or 
 a ride with me ; or talk with me, or fight with me ! 
 Why, he- 
 
 By Jove, my dashed monocle got so cloudy of a 
 sudden, I almost missed the chauffeur s move 
 almost, don t you know ! 
 And then 
 
 "I say t you know!" I said disgustedly, as I 
 screwed my monocle at him there, his big yellow mat 
 sticking out of sight through the jolly vines. "Aw 
 fully raw tiling to strike at a man and leave your 
 guard open like that I could have put it over your 
 heart, don t you know !"
 
 336 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 I heard a little sound behind me and there was 
 she! 
 
 "Oh!" I gasped as I slipped into my coat. And 
 now I was miserable, for I remembered how kind 
 this chauffeur, Scoggins, had been to her. And for 
 her to have seen me in this vulgar row ! 
 
 "Yes, I saw it all," she said, as I moved toward 
 her, murmuring some jolly effort at apology. Her 
 eyes were shining. "I saw it all, sir and heard. 
 And just when I had hunted you up with these !"- 
 and then I saw that her arms were burgeoning with 
 roses. "See what I ve been doing for you, sir!" 
 
 "For me?" By Jove, it was all I could say as I 
 took them! 
 
 "And you ran off!" She pouted adorably nat 
 urally, too, dash it. I ve seen them put it on when 
 they looked like they had toothache. "How am I 
 ever going to thank you about the pajamas?" By 
 Jove, her big blue eyes looked me frankly in the 
 face. There was never a quiver of embarrassment. 
 "It s wonderful and to find them here!" 
 
 "I d I d have got em to you sooner," I faltered, 
 swallowing, "but they ve been lost a day or two 
 thief stole them from my rooms, you know." 
 
 "How on earth did you ever get hold of them ? I 
 never expected to see those pajamas again. Oh, you 
 must tell me all about how you managed it !" and 
 we moved away "I just ivish father were here !" 
 
 / didn t! Dash it, it made me squirm to think of 
 his return.
 
 UNDER THE PERGOLA 337 
 
 As we left the pergola behind, I looked backward 
 through its arch, and there was the chauffeur, stand 
 ing in the shadows, looking after us. And long 
 after, as we turned from the straight avenue leading 
 through the pergola, I descried his figure, still look 
 ing after us, unchanged, immovable. 
 
 It was rum ! 
 
 But I had other things to think of as we sat out in 
 the loggia chiefly of her, herself; withal, wonder 
 ing gloomily what her father would say when he 
 found I had disobeyed his injunction about not 
 speaking to her. Presently the summons to lunch 
 eon came, and we went in. 
 
 From up-stairs came sounds indicating great hi 
 larity on Billings part. In fact, we could hear 
 him slapping his knee and screaming. The frump 
 looked at me anxiously. 
 
 "Why, I understood he was all right again," she 
 said aside. 
 
 I shook my head dubiously. I had seen in the 
 past day or two how rapidly Billings moods shifted. 
 Twenty minutes since he had looked enraged. 
 
 "Oh, this is too good but keep it mum!" we 
 heard. "Come on, Professor!" 
 
 "Professor?" The frump looked at Frances, then 
 at Wilkes inquiringly. 
 
 "I didn t know, miss," he murmured contritely. 
 " S why I didn t mention it." 
 
 We were crossing the great hall in the direction of 
 the beautiful dining-room beyond Elizabethan, I
 
 338 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 think Frances said it was. We all paused expect 
 antly as Billings rolled down the stairs in his usual 
 jolly, elephantine way. And then on the landing 
 appeared an apparition not only an apparition, but, 
 by Jove, a scarecrow, as well ! 
 
 Professor Doozenberry, blandly smiling his rail- 
 like figure shrouded flabbily in one of Billings larg 
 est and loudest suits! Billings went through the 
 form of introductions, chuckling idiotically the 
 while. But the professor scarcely noticed any one 
 but the frump. 
 
 "Don t wait, Wilkes," Billings directed. His nod 
 beckoned me aside. 
 
 "Gentleman sulking in his tent over here I want 
 you to meet," he said. And I followed him to the 
 library. A figure pacing the floor turned sharply. 
 By Jove, it was the chauffeur, and how he did scowl 
 at me! 
 
 "Now, young man," said Billings sternly, "per 
 haps you ll have the nerve to tell me before Air. 
 Lightnut himself that you were his guest on your 
 way home from Harvard." 
 
 "I certainly was!" He made the statement, chin 
 up and eyes blazing. "I was his guest at the Kahoka 
 Wednesday night, and he knows it." 
 
 Billings looked at me and shrugged his shoulders. 
 
 "Don t bother denying it, old man," he said. "It s 
 all right." 
 
 "Oh, but I say it isn t!" I exclaimed in dis 
 gusted amaze. "Dashed impertinence, you know
 
 UNDER THE PERGOLA 339 
 
 never saw this fellow before the morning at the 
 er boat, and day before yesterday when I I 
 halted, remembering. 
 
 But the fellow was shaking his finger at me. 
 
 "A-a-a !" he jeered like a school-boy. "Why don t 
 you finish? Bet you don t know, Jack, that this 
 paragon friend of yours was up here on the train 
 day before yesterday." Billings stared, for he did 
 not know. 
 
 The chap grew more impudent. "Yah, see him 
 turn red !" 
 
 "By Jove !" I exclaimed, warming up, you know. 
 "Say, Billings, who the devil is this fellow?" And 
 I advanced angrily dashed annoyed, you know. 
 
 Billings interposed. "My brother," he said 
 quietly. 
 
 "Yes, his brother," almost shouted the other. 
 Then he lowered his voice at Billings command: 
 "And I say, you didn t tell Jack you were on the 
 train yesterday, posing as a Mr. Smith, and that 
 you insulted Frances." He shook off his brother s 
 hand angrily. "Oh, yes he did sister told me 
 about it ! I knew it was you when I got to thinking 
 about it this morning !" He panted for breath. "I 
 can t call you a liar, Lightnut, when you say I 
 wasn t at your rooms, because you re a quicker hit 
 ter than I am, and " He looked around and 
 shrugged. "And because we are in this house. 
 But you re an infernal hypocrite, and I want Jack to 
 know it." He laughed mockingly and faced his
 
 340 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 brother. "Ask your friend, Mr. Lightnut, about 
 that girl in black pajamas in his rooms!" 
 
 And he flung himself from the room with a Par 
 thian shot : "Ask him to tell you about her as he 
 did me. Ask him who it was!" 
 
 Billings seemed to groan. "More black paja 
 mas!" he muttered. 
 
 I faced him eagerly. "I never told him about 
 her I ll swear I didn t," I pleaded miserably. 
 "You know all there is to know, Jack. I wouldn t 
 tell anybody in the world a thing like that. I love 
 her too well. Much less would I go and tell her 
 own brother." 
 
 "Wha-a-a-t ?" Billings fat body almost leaped 
 into the air. "What the devil say, old chap, what 
 are you talking about?" 
 
 "And, besides, she s forgiven me," I persisted 
 gloomily. "And I love her and and we re going 
 to be married or I hope so, dash it !" 
 
 Billings stared at me with popping eyes for an 
 instant. Then he lifted my chin and looked at me 
 anxiously. "Are you quite well, old man?" he 
 asked. "Headache, or anything like that? By 
 George, it s from sitting out in that sun without a 
 hat. Marry my sister?" He wagged his head lugu 
 briously. "What Elizabeth? Oh, good heavens !" 
 
 "No Frances," I explained anxiously. 
 
 He stared. "Francis?" Then his arm led me 
 out. "Come along, old chap," he said with an air of 
 concern. "We ll get a little ice
 
 UNDER THE PERGOLA 341 
 
 There was a bustle near the hall entrance, and I 
 heard a commanding voice I recognized as that of 
 Judge Billings: 
 
 "Come right in, Colonel, and we will try to make 
 you forget that little exasperation do you know I 
 just can t get over the idea that I ve seen you some 
 where and recently Hello, Jack! Colonel Kirk- 
 land, my eldest boy, Jack named after his mother, 
 Johanna. Look here, Jack, has everybody on the 
 blithering police force gone crazy about pajamas? 
 Most infernal outrage pardon me, Colonel Kirk- 
 land three policemen wanted to arrest him on de 
 scription dragnet order, they said for stealing a 
 pair of black silk pajamas. Ever hear the like of 
 that?" 
 
 Billings voice murmured something, and then I 
 was dully conscious of my name being passed and 
 of the fact that I was limply shaking a hand. But 
 I don t remember uttering a word couldn t, by 
 Jove, for my jolly tongue was paralyzed. Didn t 
 know what to do; didn t know what to say, you 
 know, for there before my eyes, recognizable and 
 unmistakable, despite frock coat and white choker 
 tie, was the figure of "Foxy Grandpa." 
 
 The beefy face, white mutton chop whiskers and 
 bald head were as indelibly imprinted on my mem 
 ory as the sunburn line that fenced his fiery face. 
 
 And this was the frump s father, and it was for 
 him she was scheming to make a home !
 
 CHAPTER XXXIV 
 
 THE CUB 
 
 f DIDN T go in to luncheon. 
 
 -* Instead, I lay down up in my room, wondering 
 what Jenkins would think when he saw Foxy 
 Grandpa a guest with me under this roof, and won 
 dering also what I ought to do, or if I should do 
 anything. I came to the conclusion finally that I 
 wouldn t say anything for the present, for I had 
 about all the complications I could carry. 
 
 Presently I went down to the living-room, where 
 they were all assembled, and my heart leaped as I 
 thought I detected a brightening in Frances face 
 as I entered. 
 
 Billings was waving the frump away with his fat 
 hand. "Take it away," he said. "I hate bugs." 
 
 "But, Jacky," said the frump pleadingly, "I think 
 it s a phusiotus gloriosa." 
 
 "I don t care if it s a giraffe," said Billings 
 rudely. 
 
 But the professor was already across the room to 
 the rescue. 
 
 "Ha! not a gloriosa," he said animatedly, as he 
 snooped over the little greenish thing in the frump s 
 
 342
 
 THE CUB 343 
 
 hand. "Observe the shortened prothorax and me- 
 sothorax and " 
 
 "And metathorax ," chimed in the frump, her 
 head close to his. "Hence 
 
 "It is a phanaeus carnlfex," said the professor 
 positively. 
 
 By Jove, it looked to me like what we used to call 
 a dung beetle ! 
 
 And then the two cranks went out in the sun with 
 butterfly nets, and Frances and I drifted out to our 
 pavilion overlooking the broad sweep of the Tappan 
 Zee. As yet, her father had said nothing to me, 
 but I knew that the blow might fall any moment. 
 Only the arrival of the frump s father had so far 
 saved me. And though I had gone right ahead 
 violating his jolly injunction about Frances, I kept 
 a sort of parole with him by avoiding any discus 
 sion of things that I knew would have interested 
 my darling the most that is, our love and our 
 future. Later we took a drive through Sleepy Hol 
 low and the Pocantico Hills. But though we grew 
 better and better acquainted every minute, I couldn t 
 help feeling devilish disappointed, for never once 
 did she ever call me "Dicky." I wondered moodily 
 whether her brother had! told her yet of his plans 
 for me. 
 
 In the evening, the younger brother showed up at 
 dinner, but sulked, which I thought under the cir 
 cumstances was about the most considerate thing he 
 could have done.
 
 344 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 Once during the evening, Billings, who had been 
 talking with the professor, turned to me. "By the 
 way, Dicky those pajamas, you know what did 
 you do with them this morning?" He and the pro 
 fessor whispered again; then Billings turned back. 
 "Gray paper parcel um you know?" 
 
 Know ? Dash it, of course I knew, but I 
 
 "Why, / have them now," came quietly from my 
 companion, "thanks to Mr. Lightnut. He gave 
 them to me this morning." 
 
 "Gave them to you !" gasped Billings. He whis 
 pered to me: "But the rubies, you cuckoo you 
 didn t give her those?" 
 
 Rubies ? Dash it, I had to think hard to remem 
 ber what had become of the rubies. But I got the 
 idea. 
 
 ""Why, the professor has those," I reminded him. 
 "The red pajamas, you know don t you remem 
 ber?" I drew him aside. 
 
 Billings stared. "But he says he returned them," 
 he exclaimed, cutting an odd sidewise look at the 
 professor, who was talking to Frances and the 
 frump. Billings frowned. 
 
 "Haven t seen them," I said carelessly, for I 
 wanted to talk to her. "Oh, dash the rubies wait 
 till morning!" 
 
 Billings looked sourly at the professor and went 
 off and sat alone. He seemed put out about the old 
 boy not returning the garments. Never seemed to 
 occur to him that the professor was a devilish busy
 
 THE CUB 345 
 
 and absent-minded old chap. Might not return them 
 for a month. / knew that. 
 
 "Oh, really, Frances?" the frump was saying, 
 "How exceedingly nice of you, dear!" The pro 
 fessor was occupied for the moment with a moth. 
 "I hope I won t frighten you in them as you say 
 your maid was frightened at you. If pajamas are 
 unbecoming to you, why just imagine me in them!" 
 
 By Jove, I was devilish glad I was not supposed 
 to hear, for I didn t want to be required to imagine 
 it. But as for them being unbecoming to my dar 
 ling well, I knew she knew what I thought! 
 
 Later, when the evening had shaded off and the 
 ladies had left us, we sat in the smoking-room talk 
 ing till late. I was astonished to find Foxy Grandpa 
 devilish entertaining and clever not a bad sort at 
 all. He seemed to have no recollection of me at all, 
 and therefore no grudges. I had made up my mind 
 by this time I wasn t going to marry the frump, no 
 matter what came or what Billings wanted, and I 
 would tell him so in the morning. But whoever did 
 marry her and it looked like it was going to be 
 the professor would have some sort of compensa 
 tion in Foxy Grandpa s entertaining stories of East 
 ern scandal. 
 
 Billings cub brother smoked in a corner of the 
 room by himself and drank innumerable slugs of 
 whisky straight. Once I saw his father go over to 
 him and seem to remonstrate, but without effect. 
 
 Billings wanted his father to try my special im-
 
 346 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 port of cigarettes, so I sent for Jenkins, who had 
 arrived, to bring some down. And when he saw 
 Foxy Grandpa calmly sitting there by me, pulling at 
 a straw, he almost lost his balance. But I shook my 
 head with covert warning. 
 
 "Ever see me before eh?" asked the cub harshly, 
 as he waved aside the cigarettes Jenkins extended. 
 "Last Wednesday night remember?" 
 
 "Yes, sir," replied Jenkins, hesitatingly. Then he 
 rolled an eye at me and corrected himself hastily 
 but firmly: 
 
 "No, sir; I don t recall ever seeing you before, 
 sir." 
 
 Of course, I knew he had not, but the cub got up 
 with a sour laugh. Then with a murmured gruff 
 apology, he withdrew, saying he had a headache and 
 was going to bed. And, by Jove, what a look he gave 
 me from the door ! 
 
 "Midnight!" ejaculated some one at length, just 
 as the professor finished a jolly rum but interesting 
 yarn of adventures in Tibet. We all rose and I was 
 answering a challenge of Billings for a Sunday 
 morning game of billiards, when all of a sudden a 
 scream rang out from somewhere above. Then 
 came a greater commotion two voices raised in 
 rapid and excited colloquy. On top of this another 
 scream, louder and more piercing a woman s call 
 for help. 
 
 "One of the maids," Billings hazarded. "A 
 mouse "
 
 THE CUB 347 
 
 "That was Frances!" I answered him excitedly, 
 and we all piled out into the hall and peered down 
 its long vista. 
 
 Down one of the dimly illumined angles of the 
 great stairway a white figure darted, then paused, 
 abashed, crouching back against the wall at sight 
 of us advancing. Above her sounded a man s voice, 
 and even as she screamed again, he overtook her, 
 clasping her arm. 
 
 "Frances dear, dear Frances!" he cried. "Are 
 you afraid of me?" 
 
 And he threw his arms around her. "Come on 
 back, dearest!" he pleaded. "You have been dream- 
 ing." 
 
 And under the light of a great red cluster of 
 grapes, pendent from the mouth of a grinning 
 Bacchus, I recognized with horror the yellow mat of 
 hair and freckled face of Billings cub brother. On 
 the instant, with a bull-like roar, Billings sprang 
 forward, but I was quicker still. But fleeter than 
 either of us to reach the scene were the two elderly 
 men, together with Miss Warfield, the housekeeper, 
 and a couple of the maids. Frances darted like a 
 bird to Foxy Grandpa, and then the figures of the 
 women shut her from view. 
 
 Billings and I had paused, half-way to the land 
 ing. It looked as though the elder Billings was am 
 ply capable of handling the occasion now. He had 
 backed the youth against the wall behind, and his 
 language was of a kind I hated to have my darling
 
 348 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 hear. Every time the other offered to expostulate, 
 his father broke out again. 
 
 "You are a disgrace to an honored name!" he 
 roared. "And the only explanation left for me to 
 offer our guests is that you are drunk and don t 
 know where you are !" 
 
 "Oh, father!" faltered the boy. And then he 
 turned his black shrouded figure to the pale marble 
 against which he leaned, and it seemed to me his 
 very heart would sob away. 
 
 "What s the matter, dad?" came a voice from 
 the head of the stairway. "What in thunder is all 
 the row about?" 
 
 "By George!" gasped Billings. Everybody looked 
 upward one of the women screamed. For there, 
 slowly advancing down the angle leading to the 
 landing, his yellow mop of hair shining above the 
 dark collar of a dressing-robe, was the duplicate of 
 the youth cowering under the elder Billings wrath. 
 
 And out of a dead, tense silence, came his voice 
 again : 
 
 "Can t any of you speak?" He touched the figure 
 on the shoulder. "Who are you?" he asked in an 
 odd, strained voice. 
 
 The black figure turned toward him a face agon 
 ized in grief. 
 
 "I I don t know," came a voice pitifully his 
 voice, it seemed. 
 
 The cub just stood like a statue for a moment 
 stood as we all stood. Then slowly his hand went
 
 THE CUB 349 
 
 out and touched the hand of his double. Slowly his 
 fingers swept the face, the hair; gradually his eyes 
 closed, as though he were sensing by touch alone. 
 
 Suddenly a loud cry leaped from his throat. 
 
 "Sister!" he shouted. And he swept the black 
 figure to him. 
 
 Then, tossing back his head, the youth faced us 
 with blazing, angry eyes, looking as David must 
 have, when he faced old what s-his-name. 
 
 "If there s a man among you, I d like to know 
 what this means ?" he cried. 
 
 There was a blank silence for an instant, and 
 then 
 
 "Perhaps I can explain," said a voice. 
 
 And up the stairway advanced Professor Doozen- 
 berry.
 
 CHAPTER XXXV 
 
 IN THE GLOW OF THE RUBIES 
 
 EVENING had come again. 
 In fact, it was almost bedtime. Frances and 
 I sat before the hearth in the library, looking silently 
 into the red heart of the dying embers of fragrant 
 pine cones. For in the heights of the Pocantico Hills 
 it often is chilly on summer nights. 
 
 My darling sat on a low fauteuil, her chin resting 
 upon her hand, her beautiful eyes fixed dreamily, 
 inscrutably, upon the fading coals. In her lap lay 
 the spread of the crimson pajamas. 
 
 She was thinking thinking I wondered what! 
 And I was thinking how jolly rum it all was ; that 
 Francis wasn t Frances, that the professor wasn t 
 Billings, Colonel Francis Kirkland wasn t Foxy 
 Grandpa and wasn t the frump s father after all ; 
 and that the frump, herself bless her, her name 
 was Elizabeth wasn t Frances, and wasn t a frump 
 at all, but just a jolly, nice, homely old dear, you 
 know. And I was trying to catch and hold some of 
 the deuced queer things the professor had discoursed 
 upon about ancient Oriental what s-its-name, and 
 astral bodies, obsession, psychical research and all 
 
 350
 
 IN THE GLOW OF THE RUBIES 351 
 
 that sort of thing. Somehow, dash it, it had all 
 seemed devilish unreasonable and improbable to me 
 couldn t get hold of it, you know; but as every 
 body else had said "Ah-h-h !" and had wagged their 
 heads as though they understood, I just said : "Dash 
 it, of course, you know!" and recrossed my legs and 
 took a fresher grip on my monocle. 
 
 The most devilish hard thing to get hold of had 
 been that Frances had never sat on the arm of my 
 Morris chair, had never told me she liked me better 
 than any man she had ever met, and had never called 
 me "Dicky" at any time or anywhere. I wondered if 
 she ever would, and how the deuce fellows went 
 about it when they proposed to the girl they madly 
 loved. I was devilish put out, you know, that I had 
 never tried it so I could know. 
 
 From across the hall droned the voices from the 
 smoking-room Colonel Kirkland and the judge de 
 bating something about treaty ports and the Man- 
 churian railway. Through the French windows 
 from the open loggia came the eager, pitched tones 
 of the professor and the frump no, Elizabeth, I 
 mean discussing Aldeberan and Betelguese, dead 
 suns, star clusters and the nebular hypothesis. 
 
 Within the room Billings had snapped out the 
 lights, to bring out the blazing fire of his treasured 
 ruby, and from the tray in the dark corner where he 
 was closing it in his collection vault, it gleamed like 
 the end of a bright cigar. The other four were ab 
 sently clutched in my darling s hand and the crim-
 
 352 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 son shine gleamed bravely through her ringer bars. 
 "Carbuncles ancient carbuncles," the professor had 
 called them, "that the Chinese believed their dragons 
 carried in their mouths, in their black caves in days 
 of old, to furnish light whereby they could see to 
 devour their victims." And that I believed, for I 
 could see some practical sense about it ! 
 
 "What / should like to know," said the dear, 
 precious cub, hugging his knee by the mantel, "is 
 where 7 come in !" 
 
 "You don t come in," said Billings, lifting him 
 playfully by the ear; "you come out!" And out they 
 went. 
 
 And my dear girl and I were like what s-his- 
 name s picture alone at last, you know. She stirred 
 softly and her sigh came like the wind through the 
 trees at night. 
 
 "I suppose we will have to burn them," she said 
 dolefully; "the professor says it is the only thing 
 to do." 
 
 "Jolly shame, I say!" I murmured indignantly. 
 
 "It seems a crime," she said softly, and there was 
 a little choke in her voice. She slipped to the soft- 
 fibered rug before the fire. I gently brought my 
 chair closer to her. 
 
 For a moment she pressed her cheek against the 
 crimson mass, then kneeling forward, laid it gently 
 on the glowing coals. There was a flash, a lightning 
 blaze of red that almost blinded us, and then for a 
 brief space a field of shining ash. Against this the
 
 IN THE GLOW OF THE RUBIES 353 
 
 tiny serpent frogs writhed and twisted and turned 
 at last to leaden gray. Over the spread of all, swept 
 wave after wave of golden, crimsoned pictures 
 temples and pagodas dragons that licked fiery 
 tongues at us strange faces that came and went, 
 leering hideously into our own. 
 
 And then of a sudden it was all faded gone! 
 The breeze from the open window stirred the ashes 
 to the side. She dropped back with a deep sigh. 
 
 "They re gone," she breathed mournfully. 
 
 "Never mind," I said; "you ve these left." And 
 daringly I laid my hand upon the one that clasped 
 the rubies. And I thrilled as it lay still beneath my 
 own. 
 
 "Good-by, you dear old, wicked, enchanted paja 
 mas," she said. "I don t care I just love you, be 
 cause " She paused. 
 
 "Because they brought us together?" By Jove, 
 I didn t know I had said it, till it came out ! 
 
 An instant, and then I caught it just a little 
 whisper, you know : 
 
 "Yes Dicky!" 
 
 By Jove ! And then, dash it, my monocle dropped ! 
 But I let it go. 
 
 Presently she looked at the glowing rubies in her 
 hand. 
 
 "They are from India, you know, Dicky from 
 
 Mandalay, the professor said." And she murmured: 
 
 On the road to Mandalay, where the old flotilla 
 
 lay don t you remember? I ve been there, Dicky."
 
 354 THE HAUNTED PAJAMAS 
 
 "By Jove!" I said. "Have you, though? Is it 
 jolly?" 
 
 "The poet seemed to think so She laughed. 
 "Do you know Kipling, Dicky?" I tried to think, 
 but dashed if I could remember. 
 
 I wondered if it would be a good place to take a 
 trip to ! 
 
 I hitched closer. "What does er this poet chap 
 say about it ? What s it like, you know ?" 
 
 She laughed. "I m afraid it s wicked, Dicky, a 
 good deal like the haunted pajamas." She leaned 
 forward, chin upon her hand again, looking into the 
 fading coals. "I ll tell you what he says." 
 
 Then her voice went on : 
 
 "Ship me somewhere east of Suez, where the best is 
 
 like the worst, 
 Where there aren t no Ten Commandments an a 
 
 man can raise a thirst." 
 
 "By Jove !" I said, interested. 
 
 "For the temple bells are callin , and it s there that I 
 
 would be 
 By the old Moulmein pagoda, lookin lazy at the 
 
 sea." 
 
 I brought my hand down on my knee. 
 
 "Oh, I say, you know er Frances," I exclaimed 
 with enthusiasm, "we ll go there for our honeymoon, 
 by Jove! Shall we eh?"
 
 IN THE GLOW OF THE RUBIES 355 
 
 And then the jolly rubies rolled unheeded to the 
 floor. And nothing stirred but the ashes of the 
 haunted pajamas! 
 
 And then : Oh, but Frances says that s all! 
 
 THE END
 
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