m 
 
 ' * 
 
 
 
 
 
Gr|79 
 
THE MEMBER: 
 
 AN 
 
 BY THE AUTHOR OF 
 
 " THE AYRSHIRE LEGATEES," 
 ETC. ETC. 
 
 LONDON: 
 JAMES FRASER, 215, REGENT STREET. 
 
 M.DCCC.XXX1I. 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 :. 
 
 LONDON: 
 
 J. MOYES, CASTLE STREET, LEICESTER SQUARE. 
 
TO 
 
 WILLIAM HOLMES, ESQ. M.P. 
 
 The Girlands, Jan. 1, 1832. 
 MY DEAR SIR, 
 
 I BEG leave to inscribe to you 
 this brief Memoir of my parliamentary ser- 
 vices, and I do so on the same principle that 
 our acquaintance, Colonel Napier, refers to 
 as his motive in dedicating that interesting 
 work, the History of the Peninsular War, to 
 the Duke of Wellington. It was chiefly 
 under your kind superintendence that I had 
 the satisfaction of exerting myself as an 
 independent member, really and cordially 
 devoted to the public good, during many 
 
 645145 
 
IV DEDICATION. 
 
 anxious campaigns ; and now, retired for 
 ever from the busy scene, it is natural that 
 I should feel a certain satisfaction in associ- 
 ating your respected name with this humble 
 record. 
 
 If the Reform Bill passes, which an 
 offended Providence seems, I fear, but too 
 likely to permit, your own far more brilliant 
 and distinguished career as a patriotic se- 
 nator is, probably, also drawing to a con- 
 clusion ; and withdrawn, like me, to a rural 
 retreat, in the calm repose of an evening 
 hour, no longer liable to sudden interrup- 
 tion, it may serve to amuse your leisure to 
 cast an eye over the unpretending narrative 
 of scenes and events so intimately connected 
 in my mind with the recollection of your 
 talents, zeal, and genius, in what, though not 
 generally so considered by the unthinking 
 mass, I have long esteemed nearly the most 
 important situation which any British subject 
 
DEDICATION. V 
 
 can fill ; but which, alas ! is perhaps des- 
 tined to pass away and be forgotten, amidst 
 this general convulsion so fatal to the esta- 
 blished institutions of a once happy and 
 contented country. If, indeed, my dear and 
 worthy friend, the present horrid measure 
 be carried into full effect, it is but too plain 
 that the axe will have been laid to the root 
 of the British Oak. The upsetting, short- 
 sighted conceit of new-fangled theorems will 
 riot long endure either the aristocratic or the 
 monarchic branches ; and your old office, so 
 
 & 
 
 useful and necessary even, under a well- 
 regulated social system, will fall with the 
 rest ; for the sharp, dogged persons likely 
 to be returned under the schedules, will 
 need no remembrancer to call them to their 
 congenial daily and nightly task of re- 
 trenchment and demolition. 
 
 A melancholy vista discloses itself to 
 all rational understandings ; a church in 
 
VI DEDICATION. 
 
 tatters; a peerage humbled and degraded 
 no doubt, soon to be entirely got rid of; 
 that poor, deluded man, the well-meaning 
 William IV., probably packed off to Hanover; 
 the three per cents down to two, at the very 
 best of it ; a graduated property tax sap- 
 ping the vitals of order in all quarters ; 
 and, no question, parliamentary grants and 
 pensions of every description no longer held 
 sacred ! 
 
 May you be strengthened to endure with 
 firmness the evil day ; and if the neighbour- 
 hood of London should become so disturbed 
 as to render Fulham no more that sweet 
 snug retirement I always considered it, sure 
 am I, that by making my little sequestered 
 place here your temporary abode during the 
 raging of the storm, you would confer much 
 real pleasure and honour on myself and 
 family. We have capital fishing, both 
 trout and salmon, close at hand ; and the 
 
DEDICATION* Vll 
 
 moors are well enough all about us, what 
 with blackcock, grouse, ptarmigan, and oc- 
 casionally roes, of which the duke's woods 
 near harbour many. Here we might watch 
 afar off the rolling of the popular billows, 
 and the bowlings of the wind of change and 
 perturbation, and bide our time. 
 
 Once more, dear Mr. Holmes, accept the 
 sincere tribute of esteem and regard from 
 your old friend and pupil, and humble 
 servant at command, 
 
 ARCHIBALD JOBBRY. 
 
 P.S. Herewith you will receive 4 brace 
 moorfowl, 2 ditto B. cocks, item 3 hares, 
 one side of a roe, and one gallon whisky 
 (veritable antique) ; which liberty please 
 pardon. 
 
 Jan. 2. I am credibly informed that the 
 weavers of Guttershiels, over their cups on 
 
Vlll DEDICATION. 
 
 hogmanae and yesterday, were openly dis- 
 cussing the division of landed properties in 
 this district ! What have not these de- 
 mented ministers to answer for? 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 WHEN a man comes home from India with 
 a decent competency, he is obliged to endure 
 many afflictions, not the least of which are 
 nestsful of cousins' children, in every corner 
 of the kingdom, all gaping like voracious 
 larks for a pick. This it behoves him to 
 consider ; for his bit gathering would be short 
 in the outcoming, were he to help them from 
 that fund : he is therefore under the neces- 
 sity of reflecting how a modicum of his means 
 can be laid out to the best advantage, not 
 only for the benefit of his relations, but to 
 spare a residue to himself, and to procure 
 for him a suitable station in the world the 
 end of all creditable industry. 
 
 B 
 
2, THE MEMBER. 
 
 For a time, after I set my foot on my 
 native land, I was troubled in mind with 
 these considerations ; for when I left Bengal, 
 it was with an intent to buy a moderate es- 
 tate, and to live at my ease, having every 
 thing comfortable about me. 
 
 Of course, I had no insurmountable diffi- 
 culty in meeting with a commodious purchase, 
 though maybe I paid the price ; for I had to 
 bid against both a paper-money banker and 
 a purse-proud fozy cotton manufacturer. I 
 did not, however, grudge it ; for I had the 
 wherewithal, and I had seen enough of the 
 world, in the intelligent circles of Calcutta, 
 to convince me that rural felicity had, like 
 many other things, risen in value. 
 
 But no sooner was I enfeoft in my pro- 
 perty, than my kith and kin began to bestir 
 themselves, and to plague me for my patron- 
 age ; pleading, in a very wearisome manner, 
 that blood was thicker than water. Partly 
 to get quit of their importunities, and to get 
 also the means to helpj;hem, I began to take 
 shares in divers public concerns, and to busy 
 myself in the management thereof, slipping 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 in a young friend now and then as a clerk. 
 I will not, however, say, that in this I was 
 altogether actuated by affection; for public 
 spirit had quite as much to say with me as 
 a regard for my kindred : indeed, it is a thing 
 expected of every man, when he retires from 
 business, that he will do his endeavour to 
 serve his country, and make himself a name 
 in the community. 
 
 These doings, however, I soon saw were 
 not enough to satisfy the demands upon me; 
 finding, therefore, as I read the newspapers, 
 that I had made myself very passably ac- 
 quainted, while in India, with the politics of 
 Europe, and especially with the arcana of 
 government and the principles of legislation 
 in England, I began to clok on the idea of 
 getting myself made a Member of Parlia- 
 ment. At first I cannot say that I was 
 strongly thereunto inclined it was only a 
 hankering ; but the more I reflected anent 
 the same, I grew the more courageous, espe- 
 cially when I read the speeches of those that 
 had but speech-making to recommend them. 
 To be sure, there were in my neighbourhood 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 several old lairds, that counted their descent 
 from Adam's elder brother, who, when they 
 heard that I was minded to go into Parlia- 
 ment, snorted east and west, and thought it 
 a most upsetting audacity. But I had not 
 been risking my health for five-and- twenty 
 years in the climate of Bengal to pleasure 
 them ; so when I heard how they looked, 
 and what they said concerning me, I be- 
 came the more obstinate in my intention. 
 But it was not so easily accomplished as 
 thought; for as we in Scotland are not so 
 clever in the way of getting into Parliament, 
 without family connexions, as they are in 
 England, I considered with myself that it 
 would be expedient to take a run up to Lon- 
 don when Parliament was sitting, and have 
 some conversation there with a few of my old 
 Indian cronies who were already members. 
 
 I could not, however, just go off at once, 
 without giving some reason ; for it was then 
 only a five-year old Parliament, and it would 
 not have been prudent to have been thought 
 guilty of looking so long before me as two 
 years, unless there was some prospect of a 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 change in the administration. But it hap- 
 pened that, from the first time I looked at 
 rny estate, I saw that the mansion-house 
 stood in need of divers repairs ; and accord- 
 ingly I, in a quiet way, set about getting 
 plans and estimates of the alterations. When 
 I had procured and considered of the same, 
 I instructed a carpenter thereon ; and I took 
 the opportunity, when the house was in the 
 cholera morbus of reparation, to set out for 
 London, giving it out that I had old Indian 
 affairs to wind up, and heavy accounts to 
 settle. 
 
 It may be thought that I was a little overly 
 artificial in this matter; but I had learned 
 in my experience that no business of this 
 world is without its craft, more especially 
 undertakings of a political nature. 
 
 Thus it came to pass that I arrived in 
 the dead of winter in London, and was not 
 long of making my arrival known among 
 
 y acquaintance, and particularly those 
 
 ho had gotten themselves seats. I like- 
 wise peutered, in a far-off manner, among 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 the Indian directors, and those that make 
 speeches at their public meetings when 
 the fault-finders give them trouble ; still 
 keeping my eye on the main chance. 
 
THE MEMBER, 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 THE first of ray old acquaintance whom I fell 
 in with was Mr. Curry. He had been home 
 from India three years before me, and was 
 in all things a most orderly man. We were 
 right glad, as you may well think, to see 
 one another; and yet there was between us 
 a cool distinction. His business in Calcutta 
 was not just of such a genteel order as 
 mine, but it was a shade more profitable; 
 and hence, though he was a year behind me 
 in the outgoing, he was full three years be- 
 fore me in the home-coming, which shews 
 the difference that was between our respec- 
 tive ways of business; for, in comparing 
 one thing with another, I found that our 
 
 O ' 
 
 fortunes were counted just about equal, 
 which is a proof of the correctness of what 
 I say. 
 
 He had heard of my coming home, and 
 
8 THE MEMBER. 
 
 likewise how I had made myself a public, 
 patriotic character, which he never thought 
 could happen ; and, from less to more, I 
 said to him that I was glad of an employ- 
 ment, for the time hung heavy upon my 
 hands, and " that if I did not take a share 
 in projects for the good of the nation, I 
 would be indeed a waif hand." 
 
 He remarked to me, that what I said was 
 very true, and consistent with his own ex- 
 perience; " But I would advise you," said 
 he, " to do as I have done ; get yourself 
 elected into Parliament it will not cost you 
 a deadly sum ; and then you'll have full 
 occupation. " 
 
 " Mr. Curry," quo' I, " it's not every one, 
 like you, that has a talent ; for although I 
 would not grudge to pay for the admission- 
 ticket, between ourselves, I really don't know 
 how to set about applying for one ; for you 
 know that in our county in Scotland, the 
 pedigree-family 'bear the bell' in all elec- 
 tioneerings ; for my Lord Entail, their 
 cousin, has made as many freeholders on 
 the list as the valuation of his estate allows, 
 
THE MEMBER. 9 
 
 and three of the district-boroughs are under 
 his thumb ; so by that means they have all 
 the rule and power of the shire. But, Mr. 
 Curry, if ye could tell me of a sober, canny 
 way of creeping into the House of Commons 
 unobserved, I'll no say that just for a diver- 
 sion I would not like to sit there for a session 
 or two ; by that time I would have made 
 myself joke -fellow like with some of the 
 big-wigs, the which would help to make 
 this country not so disagreeable after the 
 sprees and merry-go-rounds of ' auld lang 
 syne' in India." 
 
 " I discern," said Mr. Curry, " that ye're 
 in the same state of sin and misery that I 
 suffered myself when I came home; and 
 therefore I say unto you, speaking from the 
 knowledge of my own insight, get into Par- 
 liament : at the very utmost, Mr. Jobbry," 
 said he, a a few thousand pounds at a ge- 
 neral election should do the business ; or, if 
 you would sooner take your seat, I should 
 think that from twelve hundred to fifteen 
 hundred pounds per session would be rea- 
 sonable terms ; for I would not advise you 
 
10 THE MEMBER. 
 
 to be overly greedy of a bargain, nor overly 
 logive at the outset." 
 
 I agreed with him that his remark was 
 very judicious, but that really I had no con- 
 fidential acquaintance in the line ; and that 
 it was not to be expected I could, going out 
 to India a bare lad, with scarcely shoon upon 
 my cloots, be in a condition to set myself 
 forward. 
 
 " Oh," says he, " nothing is more easy ; 
 ye have just to give an inkling that if a con- 
 venient borough was to be had, ye would 
 not mind about going into Parliament. 
 Speeches of that sort are very efficacious ; 
 and it's not to be told how it will circulate 
 that you would give a handsome price for 
 an easy seat in the House of Commons. 
 Keep your thumb on the price, and just let 
 out that you have no relish for the clan- 
 jainfrey of a popular election, but would 
 rather deal with an old sneck-drawer in the 
 trade than plague yourself with canvassing : 
 depend upon it ye'll soon hear of some need- 
 ful lord that will find you out, and a way of 
 treating with you. " 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 11 
 
 There was certainly sterling admonition 
 in this ; and I said to him, over our wine, 
 for we were then sitting together after din- 
 ner, in Ibbotson's Hotel, " that I was not 
 particular in wishing to conceal my hanker- 
 ing for a seat in Parliament." 
 
 " Do you really say so ? " said he. 
 
 I then assured him that I was not vehe- 
 mently against it ; and so, from less to more, 
 he inquired of what party I would be; and I 
 told him with the government party, to be 
 sure. 
 
 " I'll no just say," quo' he, " that you are 
 far wrong in your determination, because the 
 Tories have the ball at their foot, and are 
 likely to rule the roast for some years." 
 
 " I daresay they are," said I ; " but be- 
 tween Whigs and Tories I can make no dis- 
 tinction, a Tory is but a Whig in office, 
 and a Whig but a Tory in opposition, which 
 makes it not difficult for a conscientious man 
 to support the government." 
 
 " Really, Mr. Jobbry," said Mr. Curry, 
 " ye were always thought a far-sighted man, 
 that could see as well through a nether mill- 
 
12 THE MEMBER. 
 
 stone as another man through a stone wall ; 
 and, without complimenting you, I must say 
 that you entertain very creditable notions of 
 government, not to be yet a member. But, 
 Mr. Jobbry, we are talking in confidence, 
 and what we say to one another is not to be 
 repeated." 
 
 I assured Mr. Curry, with the greatest 
 sincerity, that what he told me anent the 
 diplomaticals should never go farther; then, 
 said Mr. Curry, in a sedate, sober manner, 
 
 " I know a solicitor that has a borough 
 that wants a member, the politics of which 
 are of a delicate tint, you understand ; now, 
 I could wise him to you, and you might 
 consult him, or rather, would it not be 
 better that ye would appoint some friend to 
 confabble with the man ?" 
 
 Would not you do that for me?" said I. 
 No, no," said he, " Pm a member my- 
 self, and that would not be playing the game 
 according to Hoyle." 
 
 " Very well," said I ; " but as I have a 
 great inclination on all occasions to be my 
 own executioner, ye might pass me off with 
 
 (C 
 
 tf 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 13 
 
 the man as the friend of a gentleman that's 
 wishing to get into Parliament." 
 
 " That's a capital device," said he ; " and 
 if you draw well together, the cost of an 
 agent and the hazard of a witness may be 
 saved.'* 
 
 So, thereupon, it was agreed between us 
 that he should speak on the subject to Mr. 
 Probe the solicitor, and that I should enact 
 
 i * 
 
 towards that gentleman the representative 
 of my friend, that was to be nameless until 
 the bargain was concluded. 
 
14 THE MEMBER. 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 NEXT morning I had occasion to be forth at 
 an early hour, to see some of my old friends 
 at the Jerusalem, concerning a ballot that was 
 that day to take place at the India House ; 
 and thus it came to pass, that before I got 
 back to the hotel, a gentleman had called 
 upon me, and not finding me at home, left 
 his card, which was that of Mr. Probe the 
 solicitor. I at first did not recollect the 
 name, for it had been only once mentioned ; 
 but the waiter told me he would call again 
 in the evening, having some particular pri- 
 vate business to transact. 
 
 This intimation put me upon my guard, 
 and then recollecting his name, I guessed the 
 errand he had come upon, and told the waiter 
 to prepare for us a private parlour; but in 
 the meantime I would take my dinner in 
 the public coffee-room. 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 15 
 
 The waiter, being an expert young man, 
 ordered all things in a very perfect manner; 
 and I had just finished my dinner when in 
 came Mr. Probe; a smaller sort of man, with 
 a costive and crimson countenance, sharp 
 eyes, and cheeks smooth and well-stuffed : 
 but one thing I remarked about him which 
 I did not greatly admire, and yet could 
 not say wherefore, namely, he had a black 
 fore-tooth, as if addicted to the tobacco- 
 pipe; and, moreover, although it could not be 
 said that he was a corpulent man, he cer- 
 tainly was in a degree one of the fatties ; 
 but he was very polite and introductory, 
 told me his name, how Mr. Curry had re- 
 quested him to call, and was, in every 
 respect, as couthy and pleasant as an evil 
 spirit. 
 
 I desired the waiter to shew us up into the 
 private room that was ordered, and bade 
 him bring a bottle of Carbonell's claret all 
 which he soon did; and when Mr. Probe 
 and I were comfortably seated, he opened 
 the business. 
 
16 THE MEMBER. 
 
 " Mr, Jobbry," said he, " our mutual 
 friend, and my client, has told me that you 
 might have some business in my way." 
 
 " My client !" quo' I to myself, " mum," 
 and then I continued " He is an old friend 
 of mine, and I was telling him that the time 
 hung heavy upon my hands in the country 
 
 Oh ! but that is not what I wished to 
 
 speak to you about. I have a particular 
 friend lately come from India, who is in the 
 same condition: it's far from my fortune, 
 Mr. Probe, to think of going into Parlia- 
 ment ; but my friend, who has a turn for 
 public speaking, requested me, as I was 
 coming to London, to see if a seat could be 
 obtained on reasonable terms ; and speaking 
 on this subject to our mutual friend, Mr. 
 Curry (I took care to say nothing of his 
 client), he told me that you had a seat to 
 dispose of, and that he would send you to 
 
 me." 
 
 " Very correct," replied Mr. Probe; " but 
 he made a little mistake I have not a seat 
 to dispose of; but a particular friend told me 
 

 THE MEMBER. 17 
 
 at he knew of one ; and now I recollect of 
 having once mentioned the subject to Mr. 
 Curry." 
 
 " It's very right to be guarded, Mr. Probe/' 
 said I, " especially since the sales of seats 
 in Parliament are as plain as the sun at 
 noon-day, and would make the bones of our 
 ancestors rattle in their coffins to hear of it : 
 but although a seat may be come at by good 
 handling, what would you, just in common 
 parlance, think a fair 
 
 "Oh, Mr. Jobbry, we need not condescend 
 on particulars ; but my friend has certainly 
 a capital sporting manor, and will either let 
 it on lease for the remainder of his term, or 
 for an annual rent." 
 
 I patted the side of my nose with my fore- 
 finger, and said, in the jocular words of 
 Burns, 
 
 " But Tarn kent what was what fu' brauly ;" 
 
 and added, " Very well, Mr. Probe, that's a 
 very judicious alternative; but what's - 
 I'll not say what. Would it be expected that 
 
 c 
 
18 THE MEMBER. 
 
 my friend would have to sit on the right or 
 left hand of a man in a wig ; or, in other 
 words, to come to the point, would he have 
 to be a sheep or a goat, for at present he's 
 an innocent lambkin, and unless there be a 
 reason for it, he would naturally be a sheep. 
 I'll no say that he'll ever be a battering-ram ; 
 but you understand, Mr. Probe?" 
 
 " Your candour," was the reply, " is ex- 
 ceedingly satisfactory ; but have you any 
 notion of what your friend would give for 
 the manor?" 
 
 " I doubt," said I, t( if he will come up 
 to what our friend Curry said was the price." 
 
 " What did he say?" inquired Mr. Probe. 
 
 " Really I can't tell, I don't recollect 
 exactly, whether it was three or four thou- 
 sand pounds." 
 
 " Not possible," exclaimed the solicitor, 
 falling back in his chair with astonishment. 
 
 " Oh," replied I, " it is very probable that 
 I am in the wrong, now when I recollect 
 that Parliament has only two sessions to run : 
 you are very right, he could never have said 
 

 
 
 THE MEMBER. 19 
 
 o much as three or four thousand pounds 
 he must have been speaking of the price of 
 a whole Parliament." 
 
 " Excuse me, Mr. Jobbry, you misunder- 
 stood him, either three or four thousand 
 
 
 
 pounds was quite ridiculous to mention in the 
 same breath with a whole Parliament: no, sir, 
 the price that I am instructed to arrange is 
 for the two remaining sessions." 
 
 " Pray, Mr. Probe, is the gentleman in 
 the House?" 
 
 " He is, but he does not find it suit ; and, 
 between ourselves, although money is no 
 object to him, he somehow has not felt him- 
 self at home, and so he has a mind to 
 retire." 
 
 " Ay, he has, eh ? did he ever say why, 
 because that is a subject that my friend 
 should consider?" 
 
 " No, not particularly ; but every man 
 who thinks himself qualified does not find 
 himself so, I imagine, when he once gets 
 
 in." 
 
 " Then, if I understand you, Mr. Probe, 
 your client " 
 
20 THE MEMBER. 
 
 "Not my client!" 
 
 *' Well, well ; he wants, as I understand 
 you, to dispose of the shooting for two years 
 at an annual rent." 
 
 " Just so." 
 
 " And what may he expect, to make few 
 words about it?" 
 
 " A couple of thousand." 
 
 " What ! for two years ?" 
 
 " No, not so : two thousand for the first 
 year, and two thousand for the next, four 
 thousand in all, if the humbug lasts so 
 long." 
 
 " Is that the name of the manor, Mr. 
 Probe ?" 
 
 " Ah ! you're a wag, Mr. Jobbry." 
 
 " But one serious word, Mr. Probe : I 
 am sure my friend will give no such price 
 as two thousand pounds per session, he 
 only wants the seat for recreation : some 
 people like horses, some hounds, some car- 
 riages, some one thing, and some another ; 
 and my friend's taste is a seat in the senate ; 
 but he is a prudent man he looks to both 
 sides of the shilling before he spends it." 
 
THE MEMBER. 21 
 
 " I don't know, Mr. Jobbry ; but seats in 
 the House of Commons are seats now ; I 
 mean, the stalls in Smithfield are every year 
 more valuable." 
 
 " Well, Mr. Probe, I can make you an 
 offer for my friend, taking the risk of pleas- 
 ing him upon myself: I can give, I mean for 
 him, a thousand pounds; hear what your 
 client says, and let me know the result : I 
 would say guineas for I really count on 
 guineas ; I wish, however, to have the fifty 
 pounds for a margin you understand/' 
 
 Such was the first consultation, and, con- 
 sidering that I was but a greenhorn in par- 
 liamenting, I certainly made an impression. 
 
22 THE MEMBER. 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 WHEN Mr. Probe had departed, I had a ru- 
 mination with myself on what had passed, 
 and I could not but think of his expression, 
 " my client." It was very clear to me that 
 Mr. Curry was the gentleman himself, and 
 therefore I resolved to be on my guard to- 
 wards him, and to take care not to let him 
 know my suspicion : I also thought, it was 
 very probable, if he were the client spoken 
 of, that he would let his man of business 
 know that I was 'the true Simon Pure; all 
 which put me on my mettle ; and thus it 
 happened, that when he called in the morn- 
 ing, I was prepared ; indeed, his calling 
 was to me as a proof from Holy Writ that 
 he was the man himself, for he had no par- 
 ticular occasion to call, nor were we on a 
 footing of such intimacy as to make the 
 civility at all necessary. 
 

 THE MEMBER. 23 
 
 But Mr. Curry was a pawkie man, and 
 had a reason ready ; for he said, 
 
 " I just met in the street, as I was coming 
 along, with Mr. Probe, and he told me that 
 he had been with you last night." 
 
 " He was/' replied I, " and seems to be a 
 civil and purpose-like character ; but I doubt, 
 Mr. Curry, if his client and my friend, you 
 understand, will be able to close." 
 
 "Indeed! why so?" 
 
 tl Because he expects a greater price than 
 I have made up my mind to give." 
 
 " Oh, there may be some modification. 
 He told me that you had offered only a thou- 
 sand pounds per session : now, Mr. Jobbry, 
 that is rather too little ; but you will hear 
 from him what his client says." 
 
 I saw by this that there was a desire on 
 the part of Mr. Curry to let me have the 
 seat for what he called a fair price; but 
 having some knowledge of his repute as a 
 man of business, I said briskly, " I believe, 
 Mr. Curry, after all, that this is a very 
 foolish notion of mine. What have I to do 
 with Parliament? it's just an idle longing 
 
24 THE MEMBER. 
 
 the green sickness of idleness. Really, 
 my conversation with Mr. Probe has 
 changed my mind in a material degree. 
 What am I to get for a thousand pounds, 
 but two or three franks for letters, and be 
 under an obligation to hear as much non- 
 sense talked across a drinkless table, in the 
 small hours of the night, as ever honest 
 man heard over a jolly bowl? Besides, Mr. 
 Curry, if I am to pay money, I have got an 
 inkling that a much better bargain may be 
 had elsewhere." 
 
 I saw that Mr. Curry was inoculated with 
 the apprehensions when I said this, for he 
 looked bamboozled ; so I followed up the 
 blow with another masterly stroke, adding : 
 " Indeed, Mr. Curry, it would be very foolish 
 extravagance for me to give any such sum as 
 a thousand pounds per session for the vain 
 bauble of a seat ; and when ye consider that 
 a whole Parliament can be got, as ye said 
 yourself, for about five thousand pounds, 
 divide that by seven sessions, and ye'll then 
 come nearer what the mark should be." 
 
 There may be some truth in that. Mr. 
 
 F 
 
 e( 
 

 THE MEMBER. 25 
 
 Jobbry," was the reply ; " but I understood 
 from Mr. Probe that you had offered a thou- 
 sand pounds." 
 
 " Oh ! that was in words of course." 
 " In parliamentary affairs," said he, very 
 seriously, " the strictest honour is to be 
 observed." 
 
 " No doubt ; but an agent, you know, 
 cannot pledge himself for his principal, all 
 is subject to approbation." 
 
 " Yes ; but, Mr. Jobbry, you are yourself 
 the principal." 
 
 " In a sense, I'll never deny that to you; 
 but Mr. Probe only knows me as the friend of 
 a gentleman who has a turn for public speak- 
 ing, which I have not, and who may turn a 
 penny out of his talent : in short, Mr. Curry, 
 something between five hundred and seven 
 hundred is more like a rational price, I'll 
 give no more." 
 
 " But you have made an offer, sir." 
 " Oh ! that was in a preliminary way." 
 " Mr. Probe, however, may insist upon 
 the offer being fulfilled." 
 
 " You must not speak ^that way to me, or 
 
26 THE MEMBER. 
 
 * 
 
 maybe I may, by petition, accuse him to the 
 Honourable House of trafficking- in seats, 
 
 o ' 
 
 and call you by name as a witness. What 
 would either he or his client say to that ?" 
 
 I saw that he changed colour, and that 
 his nether lip quivered ; so I said to him, 
 
 " Between ourselves, Mr. Curry, I cannot 
 see the use of shilly-shallying about this, 
 I'll only give five hundred guineas per ses- 
 sion, which, you will allow, is very liberal 
 for a man of honour, who has it in his power, 
 if not well used, to make his complaint to 
 the House." 
 
 " I can only say, Mr. Jobbry, that from 
 all I know of the subject, Mr. Probe's client 
 will never accept your offer." 
 
 " Very well, that's in his option ; but I 
 have an option likewise." 
 
 " What is that ?" 
 
 " Didn't I hint about petitioning? " 
 
 " Mr. Jobbry, such a proceeding would be 
 most unparliamentary." 
 
 " No, no, my friend, don't let us put our 
 heads in the grass, like the foolish ostriches, 
 and think, because we do so, that our hinder 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 27 
 
 a 
 tC 
 
 ends are not seen : the matter in hand is 
 contrary to law, and therefore we must not 
 apply the rules of law to any thing so nefa- 
 rious ; howsomever, I'll so far conform to a 
 corrupt practice, that I'll give the five hun- 
 dred guineas, as I have said." 
 
 You will never get the seat for that." 
 That may be true ; but the Honourable 
 House, like a Spartan judge, is desperate in 
 punishing a detected delinquent : in short, 
 Mr. Gurry, if ye have any thing to say anent 
 this negotiation, ye'll advise a compliance 
 with my proposition." 
 
 I could discern that Mr. Curry was in a 
 frying condition ; but he was a man of expe- 
 rience, and it was not in my power to draw 
 out of him that he was at all art or part in 
 the business ; so, not to waste time with 
 more talk, I passed into the news of the day, 
 and Mr. Curry presently took his leave ; 
 while I very much wondered at my own in- 
 stinct in acquiring the art of parliamenting 
 so readily ; and I had soon good cause, as I 
 shall presently shew, for the address with 
 which I was on that occasion gifted. 
 
28 THE MEMBER. 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 THERE was something which struck me in 
 that conversation with Mr. Curry not alto- 
 gether conciliatory ; and after pondering 
 over it for some time, I came to a con- 
 clusion that presently Mr. Probe would 
 come to me with a new offer. I thereupon 
 resolved to bide in the coffee-house all day, 
 that I might not be wanting in the needful 
 season. The day, no doubt, was no tempt- 
 ation, inasmuch as it was rainy, and the 
 streets in a very slobbery condition, and I 
 had no particular business to call me abroad. 
 Accordingly, it fell out just as I expected. 
 About the heel of the evening, the waiter 
 came to see what I would have for dinner, 
 and said to me, in a kind of parenthesis, as 
 I was looking over the bill of fare, that he 
 supposed I should not want the private room 
 that evening. 
 
THE MEMBER. 29 
 
 " My lad," quo' I, " that's very correct 
 of you, for I had forgot that maybe the 
 same gentleman who was with me yester- 
 night may call again; I therefore think it 
 will be just as commodious to have my 
 dinner laid in the parlour as in this, the 
 coffee-room ; so you'll just attend to that." 
 
 " Very well," said he, and did as I desired ; 
 and well it was for me that he had been so 
 considerate, for, before the dinner was ready, 
 who should come in but Mr. Probe ; and 
 after various hithers and yons, I invited him 
 to dine with me, the night being very wet ; 
 to the which, after some entreaty, he was 
 consenting, and thereupon we went up into 
 the private room, and had a couple of candles 
 and our dinner duly served. 
 
 For some time, and especially while we 
 were eating, I thought that it was judicious 
 to say nothing to him concerning the manor 
 of Humbug ; but when we were satisfied, 
 the cloth withdrawn, and Carbonell again 
 upon the table, we opened the debate. 
 
 " Mr. Probe," said I, " since I had the 
 felicity of conversing with you concerning 
 
30 THE MEMBER. 
 
 that weak plan of my friend's about going 
 into Parliament, for weak I say it is, as I 
 see no whereby he can make profit of his 
 outlay, I have thought I cannot better do 
 a friend's part than advise him to have no- 
 thing to do with such an inconvenience." 
 
 " My good Mr. Jobbry," said he, " no 
 one can dispute your prudence in that mat- 
 ter ; for no man in his senses, I mean in his 
 sober senses, would ever think of spending 
 his nights in hearing young men, of a very mo- 
 derate capacity, talking by the hour; but that 
 is not our present purpose : my business is, as 
 they say in the House, to report progress ; and 
 what I have to mention is, that I have seen 
 my client and communicated your offer." 
 
 " My offer, Mr. Probe ? what do you 
 mean ? surely you could never consider our 
 few preliminary words as a serious overture?" 
 
 ' Mr. Jobbry/' replied the ruddy little 
 man, " did not you tell me that you would 
 give a thousand pounds per session for I'll 
 not sav what ? " 
 
 / 
 
 " Most certainly I did, Mr. Probe ; most 
 certainly I gave it as my opinion that a 
 
THE MEMBER. 31 
 
 thousand pounds was quite enough ; but 
 there is a wide difference between giving an 
 opinion on the value of a thing, and buying 
 that thing. Now, I was clearly made up in 
 my mind that a thousand pounds was the 
 full value of your client's sitting part ; but 
 the worth to my friend was another ques- 
 tion." 
 
 " Mr. Jobbry, I considered we had done 
 some business together ; you made an offer 
 I reported that offer and you have your 
 
 answer.' 
 
 " Very right, Mr. Probe, you speak like 
 a man of business ; I like to deal with off- 
 hand people there is nothing like frank- 
 ness ; but if you thought that I made a 
 definitive offer, you were never more mis- 
 taken in your life." 
 
 t( You don't say so? this is very awk- 
 ward." 
 
 " Oh, not at all, not at all ; we were only 
 talking upon the general question ; and I 
 think, Mr. Probe, considering it as an open- 
 ing conversation, we advanced pretty well to 
 the point : but you must know, sir, that I 
 
32 THE MEMBER. 
 
 could not bind my principal without his 
 own consent." 
 
 At these words, I observed Mr. Probe 
 looking at me with a kind of left-handed 
 peering, which left no doubt in my mind 
 that Mr. Curry had reported progress too, 
 and asked leave to sft again ; but I was on 
 my guard. 
 
 "I shall not controvert that, Mr. Jobbry," 
 said Mr. Probe; "but the mistake has been 
 committed, certainly." 
 
 " If you think so, Mr. Probe, I shall very 
 much regret it on your account ; but with 
 me, in my usual way, all was plain sailing, 
 and if you will ask our mutual friend, Mr. 
 Curry, who was here with me in the morn- 
 ing, he will tell you that I told him five hun- 
 dred guineas was the full and adequate price 
 of the article." 
 
 " This is surprising ! To what purpose 
 did we speak, if you did not authorise me to 
 offer a thousand pounds?'' 
 
 " Mr. Probe, 1 am a greenhorn, and not 
 versed in the diplomaticals; but it was not 
 reasonable to come upon me in that way, 
 
THE MEMBER. 33 
 
 without even knowing the name of the bo- 
 rough, and who were to be my constituents. 
 That simple fact, Mr. Probe, shews you have 
 been greatly mistaken in supposing my words 
 of course contained a specific offer." 
 
 " Well, let that pass ; all I had to say was, 
 that my client was not indisposed to listen to 
 your offer." 
 
 " Now, Mr. Probe," said I, " don't your 
 own words confirm what I was saying ? If 
 I had made an offer, would not your client 
 have given an answer either in the affirma- 
 tive or in the negative ? And yet you say that 
 he was only not indisposed to listen to my 
 proposal." 
 
 " Well, well," said Mr. Probe, " you at- 
 tach a little more importance to the acci- 
 dental word ' indisposed' than I intended ; 
 and therefore you will excuse me if I re- 
 quest you to say in few words what you will 
 give, that there may be no mistake this 
 time." 
 
 " My principal," said I, " is a prudent 
 
 man." 
 
 So I perceive," said Mr. Probe. 
 
 D 
 
34 THE MEMBER. 
 
 And I added that, "I had told Mr. Curry 
 1 thought, and did think, five hundred guineas 
 a liberal price.'' 
 
 " I shall report that," said Mr. Probe ; 
 " but it is too little." 
 
 " Then, if you think so, let the business 
 end. I am very indifferent about the sub- 
 ject; and, besides, I have good reason to 
 think that, under particular circumstances, 
 seats can be had cheaper, Mr. Probe." 
 
 " My object, Mr. Jobbry, in being with 
 you is to do business : it is nothing to me 
 what you know or what you offer ; I am but 
 an agent." 
 
 " I see that," replied I ; " you are the go- 
 between." 
 
 " Well, well, that office must be done by 
 somebody; let us make a minute of agree- 
 ment for seven hundred pounds." 
 
 " No, no ; five hundred guineas is the 
 ultimate." 
 
 " You are a strange gentleman," said he. 
 " Make it six hundred guineas, to end the 
 matter." 
 
 " No," said I ; "no guineas above the 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 35 
 
 five hundred : but I'll make it pounds, which 
 you will agree is very extravagant." 
 
 Thus, from less to more, we came to an 
 agreement, and signed mutual missives to 
 that effect ; and a pawkie laugh we had to- 
 gether, as well as a fresh bottle of Carbo- 
 nell's, when it came out that Mr. Curry was 
 "my client," as I had jaloused; and that I 
 was to succeed him as the honourable mem- 
 ber for Frailtown, when he had taken the 
 Chiltern Hundreds. 
 
36 THE MEMBER. 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 HAVING thus explained my popular election 
 for the well-known ancient borough of Frail- 
 town, as the member for which I made my 
 appearance among the knights and burgesses 
 in Parliament assembled, I will now proceed 
 to relate what next came to pass. 
 
 It will be seen that I took my seat in the 
 middle of the session, which many of my 
 Indian friends thought was a souple trick, 
 because the event at the time made no noise ; 
 whereas, if I had waited for the general elec- 
 tion, that ill-tongued tinkler, the daily press, 
 would have been pouking at my tail may- 
 be, as I was going in, duly elected, among 
 the rest of the clanjamfrey. 
 
 No sooner had I, as it was stated in the 
 newspapers, taken the oaths and my seat, 
 than I lifted my eyes and looked about me ; 
 and the first and foremost resolution that I 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 37 
 
 came to, was, not to take a part at first in the 
 debates. I was above the vain pretension of 
 making speeches ; I knew that a wholesome 
 member of Parliament was not talkative, but 
 attended to solid business ; I was also con- 
 vinced, that unless I put a good price on 
 my commodity, there would be no disposition 
 to deal fairly by me. Accordingly, I resolved 
 for the first week not to take my seat in any 
 particular part of the House, but to shift 
 from side to side with the speakers on the 
 question, as if to hear them better; and 
 this I managed in so discreet a manner, that 
 I observed by the Friday night, when there 
 was a great splore, that the ministers, from 
 the treasury bench, pursued me with their 
 eyes to fascinate me, wondering, no 'doubt, 
 with what side I would vote, but I voted 
 with neither. That same evening, more 
 than two of my friends inquired of me what 
 I thought of the question. By this I could 
 guess that my conduct was a matter of spe- 
 culation; so I said to them that, "really, 
 much was to be said on both sides ; but I 
 had made up my mind not to vote the one 
 
38 THE MEMBER. 
 
 way or the other until I got a convincing 
 
 reason." 
 
 This was thought a good joke, and so it 
 was circulated through the House, inasmuch 
 as that, when we broke up at seven o'clock 
 on the Saturday morning, one of the minis- 
 ters, a young soft-headed lad, took hold of 
 me by the arm, in the lobby, and inquired, 
 in a jocund manner, if 1 had got a convin- 
 cing reason. I gave him thereupon a nod 
 and a wink, and said, " Not yet ; but I ex- 
 pected one soon, when I would do myself 
 the honour of calling upon him ;" which he 
 was very well pleased to hear, and shook 
 me by the hand with a cordiality by com- 
 mon when he wished me good night, 
 " trusting," as he said, " that we should soon 
 be better acquainted." " It will not be my 
 fault," quo' I, " if we are not." 
 
 With that we parted ; and I could see 
 by the eye in my neck that he thought, with 
 the light head of youth, that he had made 
 a capital conquest by his condescension. 
 
 Now, this small matter requires an expla- 
 nation, for the benefit of other new members. 
 

 
 THE MEMBEK. 39 
 
 If a man has all his eyes about him, he will 
 soon discern that a ministry, if it has three 
 or four decent, auld-farrent men, is for the 
 most part composed of juveniles state 
 'prentices the sprouts and offshoots of the 
 powerful families. With them lies the means 
 of conciliating members ; for the weightier 
 metal of the ministers is employed in public 
 affairs, and to the younkers is confided the 
 distribution of the patronage, for a good 
 reason, it enables them to make friends and 
 a party by the time that they come, in the 
 course of nature, to inherit the upper offices. 
 
 I had not been long in the House till I 
 noticed this; and as my object in being at 
 the expense of going thereinto was to make 
 power for myself, I was not displeased at the 
 scion of nobility making up to me ; and I 
 have uniformly since found, that the true 
 way of having a becoming influence with 
 government, is slily to get the upper hand 
 of the state fry. 
 
 But, on this occasion, there was a personal 
 reason for my so cleverly saying I would 
 call on him for a convincing reason. My 
 
40 THE MEMBER. 
 
 second cousin, James Gled, when he saw my 
 election in the newspapers, wrote to me for 
 my interest, knowing that I would naturally 
 be on the side of Government, and stating 
 that the office of distributor of stamps in our 
 county was soon to be vacant. So it just 
 came into my head in the nick of time to 
 make a pleasant rejoinder to my lord ; and 
 accordingly I was as good as my word ; and 
 to make the matter as easy as possible, I told 
 him, in my jocular manner, when I called, that 
 I was come for the convincing reason. 
 
 I could see that he was a little more 
 starched in his office than in the lobby ; but 
 I was determined to be troubled with no 
 diffidence, and said, " My lord, you'll find 
 me a man open to conviction a very small 
 reason will satisfy me at this time ; but, to 
 be plain w T ith your lordship, I must have a 
 reason, not that I say the Government is far 
 wrong, but I have an inclination to think that 
 the Opposition is almost in the right." And 
 then I stated to his lordship, in a genteel 
 manner, what James Gled had said to me, 
 adding, " It's but a small place, and maybe 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 41 
 
 your lordship would think me more discreet if 
 I would lie by for something better; but I wish 
 to convince his Majesty's Government that 
 I'm a moderate man, of a loyal inclination." 
 
 His lordship replied, " That he had every 
 inclination to serve an independent member, 
 but the King's government could not be 
 carried on without patronage ; he was, how- 
 ever, well disposed to oblige me." 
 
 " My lord," said I, t if I was seeking a 
 favour for myself, I would not ask for such 
 a paltry place as this ; but I'm a man that 
 wants nothing : only it would be a sort of 
 satisfaction to oblige this very meritorious 
 man, Mr. Gled." 
 
 We had then some further talk; and he 
 gave me a promise, that if the place was not 
 given away, my friend should have it. 
 
 " I'm very much obliged to you, my lord, 
 for this earnest of your good-will to me; 
 and really, my lord, had I thought you were 
 so well inclined, I would have looked for 
 a more convincing reason :" at which he 
 laughed, and so we parted. But, two days 
 after, when the vacancy was declared, he 
 
42 THE MEMBER. 
 
 said to me, with a sly go, " That I was a 
 man very hard to be convinced, and re- 
 quired a powerful argument." 
 
 " My lord," quo' I, " I did not hope to 
 be taunted in this manner for applying to 
 your lordship to serve an honest man with 
 such a bit trifling post." 
 
 " Trifling?" he exclaimed ; " it is a thou- 
 sand a-year at least !" 
 
 " Well, my lord, if it be, Mr. Gled is as 
 well worthy of it as another; I want nothing 
 myself; but if your lordship thinks that the 
 Government is to be served by over-valuing 
 small favours, my course in Parliament is 
 very clear." 
 
 His lordship upon this was of a lowlier 
 nature than I could have expected, and 
 therefore I reined myself in to moderation ; 
 for I saw I had gotten an advantage, and in 
 more ways than one. This was the case ; 
 for in my Indian ignorance I thought a dis- 
 tributor of stamps was some beggarly con- 
 cern of a hundred a-year, but a thousand 
 was really past hope ; it was, however, not 
 judicious to think so before my lord. 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 43 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 'HEN I came to consider that the place I 
 had gotten for my relation James Gled was 
 so very lucrative, I really felt as if I had 
 committed a mistake, and was very angry 
 with myself; but in reflecting a little more 
 upon the subject, I saw that it might be 
 turned to great public good : for inasmuch 
 as the places and posts of Government be- 
 long to those members and others that get 
 lothing else for their services in support of 
 Government, a judicious man will husband 
 his share of them, so as to make the dis- 
 tribution go as far as possible. Accord- 
 ingly, as I well knew that two hundred and 
 fifty pounds a-year would have been a most 
 liberal godsend to James, I thought that 
 if it were three it would be a great thing, and 
 that there would be seven hundred over, to 
 apply to other public purposes. I thereupon 
 
44 THE MEMBER. 
 
 wrote to him, and said that I had got the 
 place for him, but that his salary was to be 
 three hundred a-year, the remainder being 
 subject to another disposal. 
 
 In due course of post I received a most 
 thankful letter for my beneficence, agreeing 
 most willingly to be content with his share 
 of the allowed emoluments. When I got 
 this letter, and got James established in his 
 place, I then bethought me of the most 
 judicious appropriation that could be made 
 of the surplus ; and there anent I called to 
 mind a son that I had in the natural way, 
 who was in the army. To him I portioned 
 out three hundred pounds per annum, for 
 he had been a very heavy cess on me, not- 
 withstanding he was serving his king and 
 country ; and this, it will be allowed, was 
 as correct a doing as any arrangement of 
 the kind; far more so than that of those 
 who have large pensions themselves, from, 
 which they make allowances to their sons, 
 although these sons be of the patriots that 
 make speeches to mobs and multitudes, de- 
 claring themselves as pure men, unsullied by 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 45 
 
 my aliment drawn from the people ; which 
 5, in a sense, no doubt, the fact, for their 
 illowances are from their fathers. 
 
 Having given the three hundred to Cap- 
 tin Jobbry, I then thought of old Mrs. 
 [ayning, my aunt, who was the widow of 
 the minister of Dargorble, and had nothing 
 mt her widow's fund to live upon. So I 
 jave her one hundred pounds, which, it will 
 >e allowed, was to her a great thing, and it 
 ras a very just thing: for as the clergy 
 iave no right to make money of their sti- 
 >ends, if they keep up their station and act 
 jharitably, the nation should provide for 
 their widows. The remaining three hun- 
 Ired I stipulated with James Gled should 
 >e laid aside in the bank, year by year, to be 
 
 fund from which I should, from time to 
 time, contribute to public subscriptions ; 
 ind few things in my life have I been more 
 satisfied with : for so long as James Gled 
 lived, it will be seen by the newspapers 
 rhat a liberal subscriber I was thereby en- 
 ibled to be to public charities, by which I 
 acquired great rule and power in them ; and 
 
46 THE MEMBER. 
 
 many a poor man's child, and orphan like- 
 wise, have I been the means of getting well 
 educated. Indeed, I take some blame to 
 myself that I did not more rigidly enforce 
 the same principle of distribution in the sa- 
 laries of all the posts that I got, at different 
 times, for my kindred and constituents. 
 
 There is, however, no condition of life 
 without a drawback on its satisfactions ; 
 and of this truth I had soon due experience. 
 From time to time it had been a custom 
 with the member for Frail town, when he 
 happened to be of ministerial principles, to 
 give a bit small postie to some well-recom- 
 mended inhabitant of the borough j and ac- 
 cordingly, some anxiety was always taken 
 to ascertain that their new member was a 
 man of the convenient sort. Thus it came 
 to pass, that I had not well warmed my seat 
 when Mr. Spicer, a shopkeeper, and a mem- 
 ber of the corporation, called on me one 
 morning and introduced himself; for, as I 
 had never been at Frailtown, I was, of 
 course, in dead ignorance of all my con- 
 stituents; but when he had made himself 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 47 
 
 known, I received him in a very civilised 
 manner, and inquired in what way I could 
 serve the borough. 
 
 Thereupon we had a conversation con- 
 cerning a canal that was to pass at some 
 short distance from Frailtown ; and Mr. 
 Spicer shewed me a very great advantage 
 that it would be of, could ways and means 
 be raised, to make a cut into the town ; 
 plainly, as I could see, thinking that, if I 
 did not do it at my own cost, I might, by a 
 liberal contribution, be helping thereunto. 
 
 This I thought, at the time, in my own 
 heart, was a very barefaced hope of the 
 corporation to entertain ; for I had paid the 
 full price of my seat. But as I had ends to 
 serve with the borough, as well as the cor- 
 poration thought it had ends to serve with 
 me, I replied to Mr. Spicer, in a very de- 
 bonair manner : 
 
 ef Mr. Spicer," quo' I, " it really gives me 
 great pleasure to hear that you, in that part 
 of England, are in such a very thriving con- 
 dition ; by the by, in what county is Frail- 
 town ?" 
 
48 THE MEMBER. 
 
 When he had made answer that it was 
 in Vamptonshire, I said, " That I had no 
 notion it was such a prospering district ; and 
 that surely I would do all in my power, as 
 a Member of Parliament, to further any 
 bill for the benefit of a community with 
 which I was so nearly and dearly con- 
 nected :" adding, " It was, however, with 
 me a rule never to contribute to the im- 
 provement of any other property than my 
 own, especially as I was at that time laying 
 out a great sum in repairs upon my house, 
 in addition to the improvements on my 
 estate. But," continued I, " you are free 
 to use my name as patronising the under- 
 taking." 
 
 " Well," said he, " that's, no doubt, some- 
 thing; but though it may not be commo- 
 dious to you to advance money, I have 
 thought considering your great influence 
 with the Government that some time or 
 another you may have it in your power to 
 befriend an honest man." 
 
 " Nothing," said I, "would give me greater 
 pleasure : what sort of a post are you looking 
 
THE MEMBER. 49 
 
 to ? '' I added, laughing ; " something, no 
 doubt, more lucrative than the gallows ?" 
 
 " Oh, me ! I am looking for none, thank 
 Heaven ; I am content with my own business 
 for the present ; but I have a daughter mar- 
 ried to a most deserving young man, who 
 would be right glad to be made post-master 
 in the village of Physickspring, which is 
 within two miles of our town, and which 
 gets its letters by an old man from our 
 office." 
 
 " I should think, Mr. Spicer, such a place 
 would not be worth the asking for." 
 
 " Nor would it," said he, " but Physick- 
 spring is growing a watering-place, and it is 
 for futurity that he will accept it." 
 
 " But does your son-in-law live there, 
 that he would take such a place?" 
 
 " Not yet, Mr. Jobbry ; but he intends to 
 take up a shop of perfumes and nick-knack- 
 eries, jewellery, and other gaieties; and he 
 thinks it would help to bring custom to his 
 shop, if he could conjoin the business there- 
 unto of post-master." 
 
 This seemed a very rational proposition ; 
 
 E 
 
50 THE MEMBER. 
 
 though I could not help laughing in my 
 sleeve to hear that the honest man believed, 
 in seeking to help a friend, I did not see 
 he was really helping himself; but we are 
 short-sighted creatures, and such self-de- 
 lusion is not uncommon. 
 
 However, to oblige Mr. Spicer, I promised 
 to exert my best capability to serve his 
 friend; and as the thing was but a trifle, 
 I soon secured it for him ; although I learned 
 with surprise that there were no less than 
 five other applicants. 
 
 " Oh, ho !" thought I, when I heard this, 
 " it cannot be such a trifling place." How- 
 ever, as little was known concerning it, I 
 said nothing, but got the appointment for 
 Mr. Spicer's son-in-law. The five applica- 
 tions, however, stuck in my throat; and 
 before communicating to him the appoint- 
 ment, I thought it was a duty incumbent to 
 make some inquiry ; and accordingly I did 
 so, as I shall shew forth in the next chapter. 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 51 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 * 
 
 I FOUND, on inquiry, that Frailtown was a 
 decayed place, and that Physickspring was 
 fast flourishing in repute that in a few 
 years it had outnumbered Frailtown by a 
 great deal and that from the time the 
 Duchess of Driveabout had made it her 
 place of resort, the visitors were most genteel 
 and select ; insomuch, that for one letter 
 that went to Frailtown, a score at least went 
 to Physickspring. This assured me that 
 the separate post-office that was to be esta- 
 blished would beat the old one all to shivers. 
 I likewise learned, that the post-office in 
 Frailtown had been long kept by the widow 
 of a former mayor, who had brought up a 
 decent family of daughters in the church of 
 England and the Christian religion ; and 
 that since the increase of Physickspring they 
 were well to do in the world, being milliners. 
 
52 THE MEMBER. 
 
 It was therefore very plain to me, that the 
 new establishment would not only be a great 
 drawback on them, but a total loss to old 
 Edward Dawner, the man that distributed 
 the letters in Physickspring. 
 
 This, it will be seen, was a case that re- 
 quired prudent handling; and I resolved to 
 weigh the whole circumstances thereof in a 
 judicious balance. At first, my natural in- 
 clination was to advise the milliners to move 
 their business to Physickspring, and to keep 
 old Edward Dawner as the postman to go 
 with the letters to Frail town ; in fact, just 
 to reverse the practice. I heard, however, 
 that the Misses Stiches had the whole busi- 
 ness of Frailtown, which they would lose if 
 they removed to Physickspring, where they 
 had no chance of success, as a fashionable 
 nymph of the gumflowers, from London, had 
 forestalled the trade. Indeed, I saw that 
 when a man obtains a share in the distribu- 
 tions of the good things of Government, it 
 behoves him not to allow himself to be overly 
 yielding to his natural tender feelings; and 
 thus I was constrained, by a public duty, to 
 
 

 THE MEMBER. 53 
 
 make the best arrangement I could in the 
 difficulties of the case ; and what I did, got 
 me great respect over all that country side. 
 I got an inkling from the post-office con- 
 cerning the value of the postmastership of 
 Frailtown, the which I saw was very hand- 
 some in moderation. I therefore wrote to 
 Mr. Spicer, that I had got a conditional 
 grant of the office for his son-in-law, but 
 which I was afraid made it so little worth, 
 that he would not think of accepting the 
 same that the conditions were to the effect 
 that one Edward Dawner was to be indem- 
 nified by an annual sum of money, when- 
 ever the postmaster's allowance exceeded 
 thirty pounds a-year I had ascertained that 
 it was well on to four times that amount; 
 and that Mrs. Stiches was likewise to have 
 an indemnity, and should be paid, whenever 
 the emoluments exceeded fifty pounds a-year 
 clear, all surplus till she had five-and-twenty 
 pounds a-year. 
 
 After stating these particulars to Mr. 
 Spicer, I said to him, in my letter, that he 
 would tell his son-in-law what I would do 
 
54 THE MEMBER. 
 
 for him, provided that the place, with such 
 burdens, was an object. 
 
 As I expected, back in course of post 
 came a letter accepting the offer, but in a 
 cool way. The arrangement, however, was 
 greatly applauded by the inhabitants of the 
 borough, as well as by the gentry at Physick- 
 spring, and every one there said it consisted 
 with reason that there should be a post- 
 office at such a growing place ; and that it 
 shewed I was a man of reflection and ob- 
 servation to put such a judicious idea into 
 the head of Government. In short, I was 
 a very popular member ; and I must say, 
 though I say it myself, deservedly so. 
 " Deal small, and serve all," was an ancient 
 proverb that I gave great heed to ; and the 
 first session of my parliamentary career shews 
 that I understood its application. 
 
 So much anent the second administration 
 of my influence in my first session, when I 
 was in a manner innocent of the ways and 
 means of dealing with patronage. As I be- 
 came better acquainted with the usages of 
 Parliament, no doubt I grew more dexterous; 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 55 
 
 but on no future occasion did I ever make 
 such a sensible appropriation as on those 
 just mentioned, which I partly attribute 
 to my being a fresh hand in the business 
 " new brooms," as the saying is, " sweep 
 clean ;" and I was then spank new in minis- 
 terious trafficking : indeed, I had then more 
 leisure, and had time to consider what I was 
 about ; but afterwards, as will be shewn by 
 and by, when I came to have my hands 
 full of committee-work, private bills, and 
 local affairs, I could afford less time to at- 
 tend to the distribution of the salaries in the 
 manner I have described ; and here it be- 
 comes me to make a very cogent remark. 
 
 In those days there had been none of that 
 heresy about savings, which has been such 
 a plague both to ministers and members of 
 late years. We then all sat each under 
 his vine and fig-tree ; and there was then 
 really some enjoyment in making the people 
 happy, especially those who had for friends 
 members that were of the salutary way of 
 thinking. I am, however, anticipating much 
 of what I have to relate, and the sore changes 
 
56 THE MEMBER. 
 
 that have come to pass among us since 
 that fatal night when a late member be- 
 trayed us, by calling our right to share in 
 the patronage by the ignominious epithet of 
 candle-ends and cheese -parings; for, ever 
 since, it has been thought that we have been 
 wanting to our own wisdom, in being so in- 
 veterate to retain the distribution of places 
 and pensions the natural perquisites of 
 Members of Parliament. 
 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 57 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 'Y first session in Parliament was a time of 
 mstle; as much, however, owing to my 
 being still a novice in the business, as to the 
 concerns in which I took an interest : but I 
 gradually quieted down into more method ; 
 and, as practice makes perfect, before the 
 session was concluded, I began to know, in 
 a measure, what I was about, and could see 
 that some change of a molesting kind was 
 impending over us. 
 
 The French revolution had done a deal of 
 damage to all those establishments which 
 time and law had taken so much pains to 
 construct ; but nothing which it caused was 
 so detrimental to the stability of things, as 
 the introduction of that evil notion among 
 mankind, that the people were the judges of 
 the posts and perquisites about Government ; 
 for although it is very true that the means 
 
58 THE MEMBER. 
 
 of paying for these things is drawn from the 
 nation at large, it is not very clear that there 
 is any class of the people competent to judge 
 of the whole subject. It is surely consistent 
 with nature that governments should be 
 made out of the first people for rank, talent, 
 and property, in the kingdom, and that they 
 should have allowances and privileges, under 
 regulation, suitable to their high stations. 
 Now, how can the lower orders and the com- 
 monalty be judges of what is a fit recom- 
 pense for persons of the degree alluded to? 
 Operatives would think a very small salary a 
 great deal, as compared with their earnings ; 
 and, no doubt, the higher orders are equally 
 unjust when they attempt to value the remu- 
 neration of labour. The democratical, for 
 example, think state salaries always exor- 
 bitant, and the aristocratical never think 
 wages low enough : out of this controversy 
 between them has arisen many of those 
 troubles which eyes that are not yet opened 
 will be closed by old age and death before 
 they are ended ; for it is now no longer 
 possible to prevent the world from conceiving 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 59 
 
 itself qualified to judge of what a nation 
 should pay to its servants. Every man, 
 low-a-days, thinks he has a right to tell 
 what the nation shall pay, and yet conceits 
 
 lat no one has a right to interfere with 
 him. Surely it is not consistent with com- 
 
 lon sense, that the mobility, who talk so 
 
 luch about the corruption of places and 
 >ensions, should be the judges of the recom- 
 >ense that is due for the services of men of 
 ngh degree ; and yet it is this which is the 
 ;ause of our vexations. No doubt, it is very 
 
 rrong that any class, faction, or party, in 
 the state, should monopolise the patronage 
 of the whole state : but there is a wide dif- 
 ference between that, which some say renders 
 reform needful, and that pretence to regulate 
 the emoluments and salaries of the state by 
 the public voice. Salaries are great or small 
 relative to their duties and stations. The 
 chiefs of the state must keep up an equality 
 )f station with those of the highest rank in 
 the kingdom ; and those of every degree 
 inder them must maintain a like equality 
 
 rith the class of persons that their public 
 
60 THE MEMBER. 
 
 duties require them to act and associate 
 with : it is therefore, in my opinion, a most 
 heterodox way of thinking, to imagine that 
 the private property of individuals of high 
 rank is to remain untouched, and yet that 
 the officers of state, who must necessarily be 
 their associates and companions, shall be 
 reduced to comparative poverty. I am the 
 more particular in explaining my view on 
 this subject, because, in common with other 
 honourable members, I have felt, as will be 
 in due time shewn, very serious annoyance 
 from the new-fangled doctrines of the Uti- 
 litarians. And here, before I proceed with 
 my narrative, I may as well observe, that 
 there is, in my opinion, a great fallacy about 
 this new-light doctrine of utility, as some- 
 thing distinct from happiness. I consider, 
 and it has been so considered from the be- 
 ginning of the world, that the object of all 
 utility is happiness; but every man's hap- 
 piness does not lie in the same circumstances, 
 and therefore there can be no universal me- 
 thod of producing happiness by utility. No 
 doubt it is useful to get public affairs admi- 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 61 
 
 nistered as cheaply as possible; but if the 
 chiefs of the state must be the companions 
 of the high and rich, you will never get men 
 of talent to fill these offices, without expos- 
 ing them to the hazard of committing high 
 crimes and misdemeanours, to procure in- 
 directly the wherewithal to keep up their 
 equality. 
 
 Having thus stated my ideas upon the 
 rightf ulness of regulating salaries of public 
 officers by the way of living among those 
 with whom their public duties require them 
 to associate, it will be seen that I have, in 
 always voting with the ministers against the 
 reduction of salaries, only acted on the 
 soundest principles ; for even in the matter 
 of sinecures, I have adhered with constancy 
 to my principles. Sinecures ought not to 
 be considered as salaries for doing nothing, 
 but as salaries set apart nominally for the 
 use of those dependants of influential people 
 whom it is necessary to conciliate to the 
 Government. All governments must have 
 various means of conciliating various men : 
 there must be titles and degrees for those 
 
62 THE MEMBER. 
 
 whom such baubles please ; there must be 
 enterprises and commands for those who 
 
 delisrht in adventures : and there must be 
 
 ~ ' 
 
 sinecures and pensions for the sordid. It is 
 as much to be lamented that such humours 
 are entailed upon our common nature, as it 
 is to be mourned that it is liable to so many 
 various diseases ; but it is an ignorant mis- 
 take of the nature of man to think the world 
 is to be ruled by one class of motives. 
 
 Such were the reflections which occupied 
 my mind during the recess of Parliament 
 after my first session. I was thankful that 
 my fortune enabled me to be independent, 
 and that I had no natural turn for the di- 
 plomatics of politics ; but I learned, from 
 conversing with politicians, something of the 
 state at which society was arrived, and saw 
 the necessity of having clear ideas regarding 
 those matters in which I was most inte- 
 rested; for my object in going into Parlia- 
 ment was to help my kith and kin by a 
 judicious assistance to Government, and it 
 was of great importance that the assistance 
 should be given on a conscientious prin- 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 63 
 
 dple. Accordingly, by these reflections I 
 
 ras persuaded, that, from the state of the 
 times and public opinion, no member of the 
 
 [ouse should, without the clearest views 
 well as convincing reasons, consent to 
 
 ic creation of new places, nor, be it ob- 
 served also, to the abolition of old places; 
 ind this led me to a very manifest con- 
 jlusion. 
 It appeared, when I came to think of it, 
 
 tat the great cause which stirred men to 
 in opposition to Government was to pro- 
 dde for their friends and dependants, and 
 that that was the secret reason why the Oppo- 
 sition found such fault with existing institu- 
 tions and places, and why they put forth 
 
 lew plans of national improvement, which 
 they pledged themselves, if ever they got 
 into office, to carry into effect. Time has 
 verified this notion. Under the pretext of 
 instituting better official and judicature ar- 
 rangements, new ones have been introduced 
 by the Opposition when they came into 
 power, which enabled them to provide for 
 their friends and dependants ; but they were 
 
64 THE MEMBER. 
 
 obliged to indemnify those who enjoyed the 
 old offices. Whether the change was an 
 improvement or not, I would not undertake 
 to maintain ; but the alteration was very con- 
 ducive to the acquisition of a new stock of 
 patronage. With very little individual suf- 
 fering, the change necessarily superseded 
 and set aside those who did the work under 
 the old system ; but as there would have 
 been gross injustice in turning adrift the 
 old servants, they were provided for by an 
 indemnification, and the new servants had 
 all the new places to themselves over and 
 above : in time, as the old servants died off, 
 the evil was remedied. 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 WHEN my second session was about to 
 commence, I went to London several days 
 before the opening of Parliament. In this I 
 was incited by a very laudable desire ; for the 
 more I reflected on the nature of my public 
 trusts, the plainer I saw that the obligations 
 on a member were more and more manifold ; 
 so I resolved to occupy the few preliminary 
 days in going about among the friends and 
 acquaintances that I had made in the former 
 session, and to consult with them concern- 
 ing the state of things in general : thus it 
 happened that I was very particular in con- 
 ferring with old Sir John Bulky. 
 
 The baronet was a member for a borough 
 in his own county, and had been so for six 
 successive Parliaments ; being a good neigh- 
 bour, a very equitable magistrate, and in 
 all respects a most worthy country gentle- 
 
66 THE MEMBER. 
 
 man, upholding the laws and the power of 
 Government around him with courageous re- 
 solution in the worst of times. But he was 
 grown old and afflicted with the gout, suf- 
 fering indeed so often from it, that his at- 
 tendance in the House was frequently inter- 
 rupted. I had seen his superior sagacity 
 the preceding year, and sometimes we took 
 tea upstairs together when there was a 
 heavy debate, out of which grew between us 
 a very confidential friendship. 
 
 Sir John and I very cordially met. He 
 had during the recess been not quite so well 
 in his health as usual, but he had been free 
 of the gout ; and it had happened that his 
 eldest son, who had been abroad to see the 
 world, had come home, and that, in conse- 
 quence, his house had been filled with com- 
 pany for the summer. Many of the guests 
 were also travelled men ; and he had oppor- 
 tunities of hearing from them more con- 
 cerning the state of the continent, as well as 
 respecting society at home, than usual. We 
 had therefore, at our first meeting, a very 
 solid conversation on public affairs, and were 
 
THE MEMBER. 67 
 
 quite in unison in our notion that, although 
 the French revolution had gone past the 
 boiling, it was yet in a state to keep the 
 world long in hot water, 
 
 " Depend on it, Mr. Jobbry," said the 
 worthy baronet, " it will be long before the 
 ruins of the earthquake settle into solid 
 ground ; and although Buonaparte and his 
 abettors must be put down for our own 
 sakes, it cannot be denied that the French 
 are well content with him ; yet when they 
 are put down, it will be only another revo- 
 lution. The first came out of themselves 
 upon their neighbours -the next will come 
 from their neighbours upon them ; so be- 
 tween the two, at the end of the second 
 revolution I should not wonder if the world 
 were to be found in looser disorder than at 
 the first, which will make the part of Britain 
 the more difficult ; for, of all nations in 
 Europe, we are the most apt, by our free- 
 dom, to catch the infection of opinions." 
 
 " That's strange, Sir John," quo' I ; " for 
 inasmuch as we are in a state of advance to 
 the nations of the continent, it's wonderful 
 
68 THE MEMBER. 
 
 that we should think their crude dreams 
 and theories objects of imitation for us to 
 follow, which indeed we cannot do unless 
 we go backward." 
 
 " It is, Mr. Jobbry, however, the case. I 
 have lived long enough in public to observe 
 that every season has its own peculiar ma- 
 lady both moral and physical, and that it 
 rarely happens that men continue in the 
 same mind on public questions for two years 
 together; in short, that the art of keeping 
 the world steady, and which is the art of 
 government, is to find the ways and means 
 to amuse mankind. It is, no doubt, true 
 that the disease of every year is not at- 
 tended with such high delirium as we have 
 seen of late ; but still there is always that 
 morbid disposition about nations that re- 
 quires great delicacy in the management ; 
 and experience has taught me to have a 
 great distrust of general reformations ; in- 
 deed, it seems to be the course of Providence 
 to make the most fatal things ever appear 
 the fairest ; and I never hear of the alluring 
 plausibilities of changes in the state of the 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 69 
 
 world, without having an apprehension that 
 these changes, which promise so much good, 
 are the means by which Providence is work- 
 ing an overthrow." 
 
 When we had discoursed in this manner 
 for some time, he then told me that he had 
 heard it said the Government was going 
 to reduce all things that could be well 
 spared. 
 
 " In a sense, Sir John," said I, " nothing 
 can be more plausible ; but they cannot re- 
 duce the establishments without making so 
 many people poorer and obliging them to 
 reduce their establishments, thereby spread- 
 ing distress and privation wider. It is not 
 a time to reduce public appointments when 
 there is national distress ; the proper season 
 is when all is green and flourishing." 
 
 " Very true," replied Sir John ; " it would 
 seem that the best time of providing for 
 those who must be discharged when govern- 
 ments reduce their appointments, is when 
 new employments are easy to be had ; but 
 things at present look not very comfort- 
 able in that way, and therefore I am grieved 
 
70 THE MEMBER. 
 
 to hear that the distemper of making saving 
 to the general state at the expense of casting 
 individuals into poverty, has infected the 
 Government. In truth, Mr. Jobbry, this 
 intelligence has distressed me quite as much 
 as a change of administration would ; for a 
 change of administration does not make 
 actual distress, inasmuch as the new mi- 
 nisters always create, in redeeming their 
 pledges, a certain number of new places, 
 and commonly indemnify for those they 
 abolish; but a mere system of economising 
 of lessening expenditure during a period of 
 general hardship is paving the way to revo- 
 lution ; and accordingly, as I am too old now 
 to take a part in so busy a scene, I intend 
 to retire at the close of the present Parlia- 
 ment." 
 
 " And," quo' I, " have you arranged yet 
 for your successor in Easyborough ?" 
 
 " Not yet," said he ; " for, to tell you the 
 truth, that's the chief object that has brought 
 me to town. I have sat for six Parliaments 
 for the borough, and it has never cost me 
 any thing ; and I know that whoever I re- 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 71 
 
 commend will be received with a strong feel- 
 ing of good -will, which makes me a little 
 chary on the subject; for I would not like 
 to recommend to them a man that was not 
 deserving of their confidence.'' 
 
 " That's very creditable to you, Sir John ; 
 but I should think that they would be right 
 willing to accept your son." 
 
 " True, Mr. Jobbry, I have no doubt they 
 would accept very willingly my son ; but I 
 am not sure that he is just the man fit for 
 them ; for though he is a young man of 
 good parts, he has got too many philosophi- 
 cal crotchets about the rules and principles 
 of government, to be what in my old- 
 fashioned notions I think a useful English 
 legislator. He's honest and he's firm, but 
 honesty and firmness are not enough ; there 
 is a kind of consideration that folly is entitled 
 to, that honesty and firmness will not grant. 
 I don't know, Mr. Jobbry, if I make you 
 understand me ; but as the object of all 
 political power is to make people happy, 
 the right sort of member for Easyborough is 
 a person well advanced in life, and of more 
 
72 THE MEMBER. 
 
 good-nature in his humours than rigid right- 
 eousness in his principles. My son would 
 do better, and would be a good member for 
 a patriotic community ; but the orderly and 
 sober-minded inhabitants of Easyborough 
 require a man of a different character." 
 
 " And have you found nobody yet, Sir 
 John, that you would recommend?" 
 
 " No," says he, " no." 
 
 " I wish," quo' I, " that you would think 
 well of me; for I would fain make an ex- 
 change for Frailtown ; could not you let 
 your son and me make an arrangement for 
 an exchange?" 
 
 o 
 
 " No," said Sir John ; " because I could 
 not recommend you to Easyborough." 
 
 I felt the blood rush into my face at this 
 very plain dealing ; and, just to be as plain, 
 said, 
 
 " What's your objection, Sir John ? " 
 
 " Nothing to you as a man, Mr. Jobbry, 
 for I think you both shrewd and clever ; but 
 because you have not yet got right notions 
 of what belongs to the public ; you take too 
 close and personal an interest for your own 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 73 
 
 sake in your borough. Now that does not 
 jonsort with my notions my constituents 
 lave never cost me a guinea, and they have 
 lever asked me for a favour a constituency 
 of that kind would not suit you, Mr. Jobbry." 
 Soon after this point of conversation, I 
 bade him good morning, and came away ; 
 but what he said made a deep impression, 
 and I was really displeased at his opinion 
 of me, which led me to adopt the resolutions 
 and line of conduct that will be described 
 in the next chapter. But the House of Com- 
 mons, it is well known, is a school of ill 
 manners ; and a long sederunt as a member 
 does not tend to mitigate plain speaking. 
 
74 THE MEMBER. 
 
 CHAPTER XL 
 
 A MAN who observes sharply, as I have been 
 in the practice of doing all my reasonable 
 life, will not be long in Parliament till he 
 has full occupation for his faculties. It is a 
 place not just like the world, but is, in fact, 
 a community made up of a peculiar people, 
 and the members are more unlike to one 
 another than the generality of mankind, and 
 have upon them, besides, a stamp and im- 
 press of character that makes them as visibly 
 a distinct race in the world, as the marking 
 of sheep distinguishes one flock from another 
 at tryst or market. 
 
 THis diversity, in my opinion, proceeds 
 from two causes; the one is, that every thing 
 a member says in the House is received as 
 truth ; and thus it happens when an orator 
 is under an obligation, either from friendship 
 or party spirit, to blink the veracity of his 
 
THE MEMBER. 75 
 
 bject, he is put to a necessity of using 
 roundabout words, that feed the ear and yet 
 cheat the mind in the sense ; and this begets 
 
 (formality of language that really makes 
 ome Members of Parliament very quiscus 
 and unsatisfactory to have business to do 
 with. The other cause comes from the re- 
 
 trse of this, inasmuch as there is no re- 
 raint but a man's own discretion, in what 
 j states ; and as all men are not alike 
 gifted with that blessing, a Parliament fool 
 is far more remarkable than a weak man out 
 
 t doors ; and thus it is, that honourable 
 embers have, in addition to their worldly 
 laracter, a parliamentary character : but 
 some put on the parliamentary character, not 
 having those habits by which it is induced ; 
 nd these, to any observant man, are really 
 ery amusing and ridiculous : they are, for 
 e most part, the silent voters on both sides 
 f the House ; chiefly, however, of the Govern- 
 ent thick-and-thinners. 
 When I had, to my perfect satisfaction, 
 scertained the accuracy of this opinion, I 
 ame to a resolution that begat for me in time 
 
76 THE MEMBER. 
 
 a very sedate and respectable reputation. 
 Several times, during my first session, I had 
 a mind to speak ; and, really, there were 
 speeches spoken which were most instigating 
 to me to hear, and provoking me to reply ; 
 but, somehow, my heart failed, and the session 
 passed over without my getting up. This 
 at the time was, not very satisfactory to my- 
 self, and I daresay if the session had con- 
 tinued a little longer, I might have been so 
 bold as to utter a few words : but during 
 the recess I had a consultation with myself 
 relative to my habits and abilities ; and I 
 came in consequence to a resolution, that, 
 as I was not sure of possessing the talent of 
 eloquence, never having tried it, I should not, 
 without a necessity, make the endeavour, 
 a resolution which I have had great reason 
 to rejoice in, because, in the second session, 
 various questions were debated, that, if I had 
 possessed a disposition to speak, I would 
 have expressed myself in a manner that 
 might not have been applauded by the pub- 
 lic. My silence, therefore, enabled me to 
 escape animadversion ; and I was protected 
 
THE MEMBER. 77 
 
 so from acquiring any of that parliament- 
 ry character, as to the choice of terms, to 
 
 I which I have been alluding. Thank Heaven! 
 I have had gumption enough left to avoid 
 assuming it ; for verily it is a droll thing to 
 hear men that are everlasting silent ciphers 
 in the House, speaking (when you meet 
 with them at dinner) across the table as if 
 they were the very ora rotundas of the 
 Treasury bench. 
 
 I had another advantage in resolving to 
 be only a vote --and that was, it committed 
 me upon but few questions ; by which I 
 was left free to do as I pleased with minis- 
 ters, in case a change should take place be- 
 tween the two sides of the House. In all 
 the regular business of Government, my loy- 
 alty and principles led me to uphold the 
 public service ; but on those occasions when 
 the outs and ins amused themselves with a 
 ield-day, or a benefit-night rather, I very 
 )ften did not vote at all, for I never con- 
 idered pairing off before the division as fully 
 )f the nature of a vote ; and several times, 
 ?hen the minister who had the management 
 
78 THE MEMBER. 
 
 of the House spoke to me for going away 
 before the debate was done, I explained to 
 him why I did so, by saying that I always 
 went off when I saw that the Government 
 party had the best of the argument, and 
 thought that maybe if I had staid till the 
 back of the bow-wows against them were 
 up, I might be seduced from my allegiance, 
 and constrained by their speeches to give a 
 vote according to my conscience, as it might 
 be moulded by their oratory. 
 
 I will not say, in a very positive manner, 
 that all the members who pair off during the 
 middle of a debate are actuated by the prin- 
 ciple of fairness that I was ; but some, no 
 doubt, are; for it's really a hard thing for a 
 man to be convinced by a speech from the 
 Opposition, and yet be obliged, by the prin- 
 ciple that attaches him to the Government, to 
 give a vote against his conscience. In short, 
 by the time that the second session was half 
 over, I had managed myself with such a canny 
 sobriety, that my conduct was regarded with 
 very considerable deference. I was a most 
 attentive member, whether in my attendance 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 79 
 
 >n committees or in the House ; and I carried 
 particularity to so exact a degree, that 
 even in the number of my daily franks I 
 illowed myself to incur not the loss of one 5 
 md I was so severe in the administration of 
 ;ven this small privilege, that I never bor- 
 rowed a frank from a friend. 
 
 It may seem that my correctness in this 
 latter of the franks was a trifle not worth 
 lentioning ; but I had my own ends for it. 
 [t was the last session of a Parliament ; and 
 it is very curious what an insight it afforded 
 le of the puetering that some men that had 
 >oroughs to contest carried on ; for whenever 
 saw a friend writing often, and needing 
 lany franks to the same borough, I con- 
 cluded that he had an election purpose to 
 iccomplish. 
 
 Towards the end of the session, I observed 
 that a young man, Mr. Gabblon, was very 
 industrious, almost every day getting franks ; 
 md although I was regular in the smoking- 
 room, he never once applied to me. One 
 lay, when I was sitting there by myself, and 
 te came in to set a cover additional to his 
 
80 THE MEMBER. 
 
 own, seeing me alone, he went immediately 
 out, without asking my assistance. This I 
 thought very comical ; and it immediately 
 flashed like lightning on my mind, that, 
 surely, he could not be undermining my in- 
 terest in Frailtown ? 
 
 It is wonderful to think what queer and 
 ingenious thoughts will come into people's 
 heads. No sooner did the surmise rise in 
 my mind, than I was moved by an inordinate 
 impulse to learn if there was any thing in his 
 correspondence to justify the suspicion, and 
 I was not long left in doubt ; for soon after 
 came in another member, with whom I was 
 on the best of footings ; and he had a blank 
 cover in his hand, which he addressed at the 
 table and gave out to Mr. Gabblon, who 
 was standing in the lobby. When my friend 
 had done so, I said, 
 
 That young lad, Mr. Gabblon, has a 
 wonderful large correspondence. What can 
 he be about? for these several days he has 
 been always in want of franks ; and yet he 
 is not a man of commerce, but a squire." 
 
 My friend, Mr. Henwick, looked to me 
 
THE MEMBER. 81 
 
 r ery slily, and said, " did I really not know 
 
 at Mr. Gabblon was about?" 
 
 " No ; I don't trouble myself with other 
 >eople's affairs : but it is surprising how 
 len that have no business should have such 
 correspondence." 
 
 " Well/' said Mr. Henwick, " what you 
 jay is extraordinary. Have you not heard 
 tat Mr. Gabblon intends to succeed you in 
 railtown ; and his correspondence is with 
 the influential people of your own borough ?" 
 
 " No possible !" said I. 
 
 " But it is true," said he with a smile ; 
 ind some of us, seeing you were taking no 
 step, concluded that you intended to retire 
 from Parliament." 
 
 This is news, Mr. Henwick," replied I, 
 ind it behoves me to look after it. I won- 
 ler, indeed, what could make him think of 
 cutting me out." 
 
 "Why," said Mr. Henwick, "it is reported 
 that Mr. Spicer, who is of great influence 
 with the corporation, is not content with the 
 way in which you are said to have used 
 him." 
 
82 
 
 THE MEMBER. 
 
 " He's a d d ungrateful vagabond. 
 
 Didn't I get his son-in-law made the post- 
 master at Physickspring ? I must look to 
 this immediately." 
 
 And with that I rose, and took a hackney 
 coach in Palace-yard, and drove straight to 
 the counting-house of Mr. Probe, the soli- 
 citor, determined to sift this abominable 
 parliamenting to the bottom. 
 
THE MEMBER, 
 
 83 
 
 CHAPTER XII. 
 
 HOT as I was at the House of Commons, I 
 yet had time to cool in some degree between 
 it and Lincoln's Inn Fields, where Mr. Probe 
 had his writing rooms but not quite to an 
 indifference ; so when I reached the place, 
 and went in, I found himself there alone, 
 for it was then past four o'clock ; and I 
 said to him as soon as I entered, 
 
 " Mr. Probe," quo' I, " what is the mean- 
 ing of this ? " 
 
 " I don't know," replied he; " what is it 
 that you mean ? ' 
 
 " It is just as well, Mr. Probe, to be can- 
 did with me,' 7 said I, " and therefore I re- 
 quest to know the cause of Mr. Gabblon 
 having a nefarious correspondence with that 
 unprincipled miscreant, Mr. Spicer." 
 
 " Has he?" said Mr. Probe. 
 
84 THE MEMBER. 
 
 " That he has, and I want to know all the 
 particulars." 
 
 " Surely you cannot think that I am privy 
 to all Mr. Gabblon's correspondence?" 
 
 " Do you know, Mr. Probe," exclaimed I, 
 waxing warm, " that to me it is most unac- 
 countable that he should have this great 
 letter-writing to my borough of Frailtown." 
 
 " I cannot help it," said Mr. Probe ; " the 
 borough is open to any candidate." 
 
 '' Do you say so, sir ? have not I paid for 
 my seat ? ' 
 
 " Well, sir, if you have, havn't you your 
 seat?" 
 
 " But, sir, have not I a right of pre-emp- 
 tion for the next Parliament?" 
 
 " I don't recollect that, sir ; nothing was 
 said on that head, and of course I could riot 
 but do the best for the corporation, with my 
 Lord's permission." 
 
 " And why did you not come to me, sir, 
 before you went to this Mr. Gabblon ? - 
 see very well that I have been cheated of my 
 money." 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 85 
 
 Upon my saying which he bounced up 
 like a pea in a frying-pan, and said, with a 
 loud voice and a red face, that he didn't 
 :now what I meant. 
 
 " I thought, Mr. Probe," replied I, with a 
 ;alm sough, " that you were a man of more 
 sagacity; but not to waste words, I would just 
 isk if Mr. Gabblon is the new candidate?" 
 
 " He is," said Mr. Probe calmly ; " and as 
 I am engaged for his interest, you must ex- 
 cuse me for not answering more questions." 
 
 I was dumfoundered to hear a man thus 
 openly proclaim his malefactions, and I 
 turned on my heel and came out of the 
 writing-rooms, a most angry man; and so, 
 instead of returning to the House of Com- 
 mons, I went straight to the neighbouring 
 chambers of Mr. Tough, a solicitor, whom I 
 had observed in a committee as a most pug- 
 nacious man, and of whom I said to myself 
 that if ever the time came that I stood in need 
 of an efficacious instrument in a contest, he 
 was the man for my money. Most feli- 
 citously, Mr. Tough was within, and also 
 alone ; and I said to him with a civil smile, 
 
86 THE MEMBER. 
 
 t( that I thought it would not be long before 
 I would need his helping hand. You see, 
 Mr. Tough," said I, " that not being entirely 
 well acquainted with the usages of Parlia- 
 ment, I had not thought proper to make a 
 stipulation with the agent of my borough 
 to give me the first offer at the next election ; 
 and, in consequence, he became susceptible 
 you understand and has gone over to 
 the side of another candidate : now I want 
 you to be my adviser on the occasion." 
 
 Mr. Tough said he was much obliged to 
 me, and that I would not in him put faith in 
 a broken reed. " But on what ground do you 
 intend to canvass the borough, for much of 
 your chance of success will depend on that?" 
 
 " Mr. Tough, I am but a 'prentice in the 
 craft of Parliament, and cannot advise a 
 man of your experience ; but last year I had 
 gotten a good repute there for a piece of 
 honest business that I did concerning the 
 post-office, by which I made an arrangement 
 most satisfactory to the public, and far 
 better than was expected for the behoof of 
 those more immediately concerned." 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 87 
 
 " Oh, I heard something of that, and that 
 Mr. Spicer had vowed revenge for the way 
 
 u had caused a short coming to his son- 
 in-law." 
 
 " Yes, Mr. Tough, I understand that for 
 the pains I took to get his gude son that 
 )ffice, which he represented to me was worth 
 lothing, he has rebelled against me ; now, 
 is in that affair ye will allow I acted a very 
 mblic-spirited part, it is not to be supposed 
 that all the corporation will be of his way 
 )f thinking." 
 
 " You have, Mr. Jobbry, come to me in 
 the proper time ; a few days later and all 
 tad been lost. But we must bestir our- 
 selves. If you are intent to gain the borough 
 igain, you must make a stir this very 
 night; though it is to me a great incon- 
 venience, we must set off together for Frail- 
 town, and pay our respects to the leading 
 members of the corporation ; and, to shew 
 our independence, let me suggest to you 
 that our backs must be turned on this Mr. 
 Spicer, who certainly has merited the greatest 
 contempt for his conduct." 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 The corruption of my nature being up, 
 this advice was very congenial ; and I told 
 him to get a chaise, and to come to me at 
 my lodgings by nine o'clock that night, and 
 in the course of the journey we would 
 have time to lay our heads together, and 
 concert in what manner it would be best to 
 proceed. 
 
 Accordingly, as there is nothing like de- 
 spatch and secrecy in getting the weather- 
 gauge of your opponent in an election, I 
 went from Mr. Tough's office to the House 
 of Commons, and was there before five 
 o'clock, by which expedition no one sus- 
 pected where I could have been ; and I re- 
 mained in the House, taking my chop up- 
 stairs, and shewing myself well to every one 
 about, so that none could think I was me- 
 ditating an evasion. I saw Mr. Gabblon 
 sitting, well pleased, on the Opposition side; 
 poor, infatuated young man, little suspecting 
 the sword that was hanging by a single hair 
 over his devoted head. Others of my friends 
 saw something of a change about me, and 
 came asking what stroke of good fortune 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 89 
 
 had come to pass that I was looking so 
 blithe and bright ? and my answer to them 
 was most discreet, knowing that it was 
 commonly thought I intended to retire from 
 Parliament when the session was over. I 
 said to them that I was only glad to see our 
 weary labours and drowsy night-work draw- 
 ing to a close ; and that Parliament, which 
 I had chosen, in a great mistake, as a place 
 of recreation, had proved far otherwise. 
 Thus it came to pass, that after "biding in 
 this ostentatious manner in the House till 
 past eight o'clock, I slipped quietly out, and 
 hastening home to my lodgings in Man- 
 chester Buildings, had just time to get my 
 valise made ready, when Mr. Tough, in the 
 post-chaise, came to the door, and sent up 
 his name. Down I went to him with the 
 valise in my hand in I jumped beside him 
 and away we went. But clever and alert as 
 I was, when the chaise was driving out of 
 Cannon Street, a fire-engine, with watermen 
 and torches thereon, stopped us a little 
 while ; and, as it was passing, the flare of 
 the torches cast a wild light in upon us, 
 
90 THE MEMBER. 
 
 and, to my consternation, there, in the 
 crowd, did I see the red face and the gleg 
 eyes of Mr. Probe, who was standing on the 
 pavement and looking me full in the face, 
 with Mr. Tough beside me. This was, to 
 be sure, an astounding thing, and I told 
 Mr. Tough of the same ; but he made no 
 remark further than saying to the post-boy, 
 in a voice loud enough for Mr. Probe to hear, 
 " Drive straight to the Elephant and Castle." 
 This was a souple trick of Mr. Tough, for it 
 was quite in an opposite direction to where 
 we intended to go ; and, as we drove along, 
 when we came to the obelisk in St. George's 
 Fields, he again directed the post-boy to 
 make all the haste he could over Blackfriar's 
 Bridge, and get to the north road with the 
 utmost expedition. 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 91 
 
 CHAPTER XIII. 
 
 IN the course of the journey to Frailtown, 
 we arranged together a very expedient sys- 
 tem ; and, as Mr. Tough said, "we could not 
 but succeed." He was really a very clever 
 and dexterous man, and I was so content 
 with what he advised, that, being somewhat 
 fatigued on the second night, I proposed 
 that we should sleep at Beverington, which 
 is a stage short of Frailtown, and which, 
 being a considerable manufacturing town, 
 has a much more commodious inn. To be 
 sure, we might have gone to the hotel at 
 Physickspring, a most capital house ; but 
 I had understood that the sedate inhabitants 
 of the borough had no very affectionate con- 
 sideration for that hotel ; and therefore, as 
 it was my business not to give offence to 
 them, I thought it would be just as well to 
 
92 THE MEMBER. 
 
 sleep at Beverington, and go on betimes in 
 the morning to the borough. 
 
 Accordingly we did so ; and in the morn- 
 ing we resumed the remainder of the road, 
 and were not a little surprised, when we were 
 crossing the bridge of Frailtown, to hear 
 vast shouts and huzzas rising from the heart 
 of the town, and to see all hands, young 
 and old, clodpoles and waggoners, all de- 
 scriptions of persons, wearing purple and 
 orange cockades, and bellowing, like idiots, 
 " Gabblon for ever!" 
 
 My heart was daunted by the din, and 
 Mr. Tough was just a provocation by his 
 laughter; especially when, before we got to 
 the Royal Oak Inn, in the market-place, 
 we met a great swarm of the ragamuffins 
 drawing Mr. Gabblon and that ne'er-do- 
 weel Probe, in their post-chaise, in triumph, 
 without the horses. The latter, limb of 
 Satan, as he was, had suspected our journey, 
 and had gone immediately to his client ; off 
 at once they came from London, and while 
 we, like the foolish virgins, were slumbering 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 93 
 
 id sleeping at Beverington, they had passed 
 >n to Frailtown, and created all this anarchy 
 
 id confusion. 
 
 But the mischief did not end with that, 
 'he ettercap Probe, on seeing us, shouted in 
 lerision, and the whole mob immediately 
 >egan to halloo and yell at us in such a 
 
 lanner, flinging dirt and unsavoury missiles 
 it us, that we were obliged to pull up the 
 
 linds, and drive to the inn in a state of 
 lumiliation and darkness. To speak with 
 lecorum of this clever stratagem of the 
 memy, we were, in fact, greatly down in 
 
 le mouth ; and for some time after we got 
 
 ife into the inns, we wist not well what to 
 lo. Gabblon and Probe were masters of 
 the field, and Mr. Spicer was their herald 
 jvery where. At last, Mr. Tough bethought 
 lim of an excellent device to cut them out ; 
 
 id accordingly he sent for the landlord, and 
 spoke to him if there was nobody in the 
 
 )wn who had a grudge at Mr. Spicer, and 
 ld, for a consideration, befriend us in 
 mr need. 
 There was, to be sure, some hazard in 
 
94 THE MEMBER. 
 
 this, as Mr. Gabblon and his familiar were 
 likewise inmates of the same inn, and the 
 landlord was, or pretended to be, reluctant 
 to side with either of the candidates. But 
 Mr. Tough persuaded him to send for a 
 man whom he said he knew, who bore a 
 deadly hatred to Mr. Spicer, and was, more- 
 over, a relation of the Misses Stiches, for 
 whom I had done so much. This man was 
 accordingly brought forward. His name 
 was Isaac Gleaning, an elderly person, and 
 slow of speech, but a dungeon of wit. We 
 received him with familiar kindness ; and told 
 him of the misfortune that had overtaken us, 
 by our fatigue constraining us to sleep at 
 Beverington. 
 
 " It has," said Isaac, " been a great mis- 
 fortune, for your adversaries have got the 
 ears of the mob, and the whole town is in 
 such an uproar that you must not venture to 
 shew your horns in the street." 
 
 " What then," said I, " is to be done ?" 
 " Well," replied Isaac, " I have been 
 thinking of that; the players are just now 
 at Physickspring, and they have a very 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 95 
 
 funny fellow among them : could not you 
 send for the manager and the clown, and 
 >ay them well to be a mountebank and 
 nerry-andrew this evening in the market- 
 )lace ; and get them to throw funny squibs 
 ind jibes to the mob, against Mr. Gabblon 
 ind his compeers?" 
 
 Mr. Tough rubbed his hands with glee at 
 this suggestion, and no time was lost in 
 sending for the manager : over he came, 
 ind we soon privately made a paction with 
 
 i ; whereupon due notice was sent by the 
 >ellman through the town, that a great phy- 
 sician from the Athens of the north, with 
 lis servant, a learned professor, was to ex- 
 libit his skill and lofty tumblings in the 
 larket-place. 
 
 By the time that the bellman had pro- 
 claimed these extraordinary tidings, all the 
 players, tag, rag, and bob-tail, came over from 
 Physickspring, and set about erecting a 
 stage for their master and the clown in the 
 market-place. They had brought their play- 
 actoring dresses ; and they mingled in the 
 
96 THE MEMBER. 
 
 crowd with Mr. Gabblon's clanjamfrey, in- 
 somuch that Macbeth king of Scotland, 
 Hamlet the Dane, and Julius Caesar, were 
 visible in the streets. 
 
 Mr. Tough, who was in his way a wag, 
 undertook to instruct Dr. Muckledose and 
 his merry-andrew in what they should do ; 
 and the whole town was on such tiptoe 
 of expectation, that Mr. Gabblon and his 
 friends were in a manner deserted and the 
 multitude gathered in swarms and clusters 
 round the stage, to secure good places to 
 see the performance. In so far the device 
 was successful beyond expectation, for Mr. 
 Gabblon and his coadjutors found them- 
 selves obliged to return desjasket to the inn, 
 so much superior were the attractions of the 
 other mountebank. 
 
 It was not, however, in this only that 
 the counselling of old Isaac Gleaning was 
 serviceable ; he went about among the 
 friends of Mrs. Stiches and her late hus- 
 band, and gathered together about twenty 
 of the topping inhabitants, whom I invited 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 97 
 
 o dinner ; and Mr. Gabblon and the bodie 
 robe having engaged themselves to dine 
 ith their patron, Mr. Spicer, we had a 
 ost jovial party. 
 
 In the meantime it began to spunk out 
 hat a liberal man I was ; and the whole 
 ob were as pleased when they heard of the 
 reat dinner, as if every one had been an 
 nvited guest. Besides, when it was known 
 hat the players were hired by me to come 
 ver to entertain the town after dark, they 
 a great body came to the fore part of the 
 n, and gave me their thanks in three most 
 onsolatory cheers. There was, however, 
 a small popular error among them, for I 
 had not bargained for more of the players 
 than the manager and the clown ; but Mr. 
 Tough, who was a knowing hand, told me 
 not to make two bites of the cherry, but to 
 hire the Mason Lodge, and make the 
 players a compliment for a gratis enter- 
 tainment of songs and scenes for the edi- 
 cation of the people. This I agreed to 
 o ; so that long before the dinner was 
 
 H 
 
98 
 
 THE MEMBER. 
 
 ready, the wind had changed, and Mr. 
 Tough told me to be of good cheer, for 
 we were sailing before it with a steady 
 breeze. 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 99 
 
 CHAPTER XIV. 
 
 'RAILTOWN is situated in the centre of 
 
 ,ord Dilldam's estate, and his lordship is 
 in a manner considered the patron of the 
 
 >orough at least he was so when I got my 
 seat from Mr. Curry. It cannot, however, be 
 said that his lordship meddles much in the 
 matter, for he is an easy, plain man ; and 
 if the candidates be of good Government 
 
 >rinciples, he never interferes, but leaves 
 the management of the borough, as a per- 
 quisite, to the members of the corporation. 
 In this case between me and Mr. Gabblon, 
 was neutral ; for the Whiggery of Mr. 
 Gabblon was neither of a deep nor an en- 
 grained die, but ready to change as soon as 
 the friends he acted with could get them- 
 selves in office, and him a post. 
 
 There was a curious thing in the consti- 
 tution of the borough which well deserves 
 
100 THE MEMBER. 
 
 to be mentioned here. By an ancient char- 
 ter, the corporation consisted of six burgesses 
 of repute, with the mayor at their head ; but 
 if, on any occasion of an election of a Mem- 
 ber for Parliament, only five councillors hap- 
 pened to be present, and votes were even, 
 the mayor had not a casting vote. To 
 remedy this inconvenience, however, it was 
 ordained, that the mayor should go to the 
 market-place and summon, at the height of 
 his voice, five burgesses by name, who were 
 of a capacity competent to reckon five score 
 and a half of hobnails ; and these five bur- 
 gesses he was to take with him to the town- 
 hall, and they were then and there to give 
 their opinion collectively and individually as 
 to the candidate that should be preferred. 
 
 This, it will be seen, was an arrangement 
 fraught with inconvenience, especially in a 
 contest where the candidates had about 
 equal chances ; and accordingly, on some 
 occasions it had been the practice at con- 
 troverted elections to abstract one of the 
 council, and thereby oblige the mayor to 
 put in force the ancient alternative. 
 
THE MEMBER. lC f l 
 
 Before my visit to Frailtown I had not 
 leard of this abstruse charter, nor had Mr. 
 \)ugh ; but when we did hear of it, we were 
 >ut a good deal to the stress of our ability 
 to determine, when the election would come 
 >n, what should be done, especially as there 
 ras some risk that the ungrateful Mr. 
 >picer would be the new mayor before the 
 lay of election. 
 
 " There is no doubt," said Mr. Tough, 
 that if he is mayor, the Gabblon party 
 ll abstract a councillor, to give Mr. Spicer 
 the power of going to the market -cross 
 tnd summoning five of his own friends 
 /horn he will have in readiness there, and 
 thereby secure the election to your adver- 
 sary; how are we to counteract this?" 
 
 ' It is perplexing, Mr. Tough ; for no 
 loubt that regulation in the charter is to 
 jcure to the mayor's party always the 
 >ower of returning the member. But do 
 ye think, Mr. Tough, and it's a device that 
 they have never had recourse to, if we also 
 abstract a councillor, the mayor will not 
 have to go to the market-place?" 
 
i < C 
 
 < . t 
 
 ' ' "'THl; MEMBER. 
 
 " That would do," said Mr. Tough, " that 
 would do ; but if we did so, there would then 
 be but five votes ; and suppose the council 
 divided, the mayor would make three to our 
 two : it's a very difficult case." 
 
 " Nevertheless, Mr. Tough, we'll work on 
 that scantling." 
 
 And accordingly we did so : we did our 
 best to secure as many as we could of the 
 council ; and when we had three, our course 
 was plain sailing. But we were more suc- 
 cessful we got four; and yet every one 
 considered our chance of success rendered 
 very doubtful, because it was foreseen that 
 the mayor would have recourse to the an- 
 cient usage. But we kept our intention 
 secret, only assuring the people, before we 
 left the town, that on the day of election 
 I would be at my post. 
 
 As we had foreseen, Mr. Spicer was 
 chosen mayor, and the day of election was 
 appointed in the week following. Mr. 
 Tough and I went down the day before, and 
 had a consultation with old Isaac Gleaning, 
 who was quite down-hearted ; for he con- 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 103 
 
 sidered that Mr. Spicer, by the mayor's pri- 
 ge, would carry the day, notwithstanding 
 )ur majority in the council. But when he 
 
 s informed of our intention to keep back 
 >ne of our council likewise, a new light 
 >roke in upon him. 
 
 " To make assurance certain, I would 
 idvise you," said he, " to try and get one 
 )f the Gabblon councillors taken off, and 
 Leep your own four on the spot." 
 
 This was not, however, easy to be done ; 
 for as the attempt, not the deed, would con- 
 found us, it was hazardous to offer a con- 
 sideration. He, however, undertook to ne- 
 gotiate the business, saying, that he was 
 
 ll acquainted with one of them, a James 
 Curl, who was a hair-dresser. Still, this 
 7 as a very difficult thing, and greatly tried 
 our wits ; but while we were in the per- 
 >lexity, a young smart man, a friend of the 
 Misses Stiches, came to the town, and pre- 
 sently old Isaac, as we called him, threw 
 out a clever suggestion. 
 
 " I'll go," said he, " and bring young 
 
104 THE MEMBER. 
 
 Tom Brag to you ; and as Tom is in his way 
 a blood, give him a sum of money, say five 
 hundred pounds, and bid him go slily to 
 James Curl, and say to James that he has a 
 great bet, in connexion with others, about 
 cutting a particular man's hair in Bevering- 
 ton during the hours of the election ; and I 
 suspect, as James is not likely to make so 
 much by the Gabblon job, that he'll take 
 the money." 
 
 Five hundred pounds went to my heart 
 like the sting of an adder; but it could not 
 be helped, and I consented. But, to our 
 great consternation, James Curl would have 
 nothing to do with Tom's wager. 1 * James 
 was an upright patriot, and, as he said him- 
 self, in a general election, England expected 
 every man to do his duty, and he was de- 
 termined to do his. In short, the plan 
 would not take, and we were driven to our 
 wit's end ; for, saving James Curl, Tom Brag 
 
 * A true bill the facts of the case are even much 
 more honourable than this to a barber and his conscien- 
 tious old wife. 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 105 
 
 had no influence nor acquaintance. Late 
 in the evening we were very dull on the sub- 
 ject ; at last said Mr. Tough : 
 
 " We must keep back one of our own 
 men, or find out where their man is to be 
 concealed, for concealed he will be, and 
 constrain him to the town-hall." 
 
 Now, as James Curl was above purchase, 
 it was clear that Aaron Worsted the wool- 
 comber, would be the abstracted ; and ac- 
 cordingly it was determined to watch him. 
 Luckily this was resolved upon in good 
 time ; for, just as we were speaking, a man 
 came into the room where we were sitting, 
 and brought out of an inner apartment a 
 large bass-viol in a case, which he carried 
 away. The thing attracted no attention at 
 the time ; but, very much to our surprise, 
 soon after another man came back with 
 the naked bass-viol, and put it back into 
 the room. 
 
 " Ha, ha ! " said Mr. Tough, " what tune 
 are they playing, to keep the case and send 
 back the fiddle ?" 
 
 Old Isaac clapped his hands, and, with 
 
106 THE MEMBER. 
 
 a sniggering laugh, said, " I have caught 
 them. Aaron Worsted is a very small man 
 he could very easily be stowed in the case ; 
 and I'll wager my ears and my eyes that 
 it's for his use that the case has been bor- 
 rowed." 
 
 And with that he rose ; and among some 
 of the servants down stairs he did learn that 
 the case was taken to the house of the 
 mayor, which left no doubt on the subject, 
 but assured us that Aaron Worsted was to 
 be hidden therein. Now, the next thing to 
 be done was to get him, in the case, trans- 
 ported to the town-hall, to be ready in the 
 hour of need to be brought forth ; and this 
 was not very easily managed. But just, 
 however, when the council was assembling, 
 and the mayor was in the town-hall, by 
 a device of Mr. Tough, a countryman, 
 taken from the market-place, went with his 
 cart to Mr. Spicer's house, along with a 
 groom of my lord's, a cunning chap, whom, 
 for a guinea and the pleasure of the spree, 
 Mr. Tough sent to the mayor's wife, to 
 say that he was come for the bass fiddle 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 107 
 
 that ought to have been sent to the castle 
 that morning. Poor Mrs. Spicer, like an 
 innocent daffodil, knowing his lordship's 
 livery, never doubted the message, and con- 
 sented that the bass-viol should be delivered 
 to him, which was done. But instead of 
 taking his way to the castle, he conducted 
 the cart, with it, to the town hall, and, with 
 the help of the countryman and others, 
 brought up the case and its contents into 
 the room where we were all assembled, and 
 laid it down on the floor as a musical in- 
 strument. But, by some accident, the lid 
 was laid downmost, at which the poor Mr. 
 Worsted within was almost suffocated, and 
 began to heave and endeavour to roll about. 
 In short, he was relieved from durance vile, 
 and the election, with a full board, proceeded ; 
 so that Mr. Spicer, for all his stratagems, 
 was obliged to return me duly elected. 
 
108 THE MEMBER. 
 
 CHAPTER XV. 
 
 BEING much fatigued with the day of elec- 
 tion, I was little inclined to make a speech 
 from the window, as the use arid wont was ; 
 but Mr. Gabblon, though he was a mortified 
 man, had still pluck enough to resolve to do 
 so; and accordingly, when the election was 
 declared, he went to one of the windows of 
 the hall, and paternostered to the crowd in a 
 most seditious way, as was to be expected. 
 But they lent a deaf ear to all he said, and he 
 did not make his case a jot the better by it. 
 For some time while he was speaking, I 
 thought but little of what he said it was j ust 
 a bum that went in at the one ear and out at 
 the other; but towards the end I was a 
 little fashed to hear him listened to with 
 sobriety for he was not without a gift of 
 the gab and I saw it would be necessary 
 for me to say a few words in return, in the 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 109 
 
 of offering thanks to the crowd for my 
 election, who, by the way, had as little to 
 say in it as the wild Scot of Galloway. 
 
 When the honourable gentleman had 
 finished his oration, I went to the window, 
 very little inclined to be elocutionary; for, 
 
 is the election cost me a power of money, 
 could not see wherefore it was to be ex- 
 
 >ected that I should be at any great outlay 
 
 )f words. However, at the incitement of 
 Mr. Tough, I went to the window, and there 
 I beheld, when I looked out, a mob of 
 
 lumau cattle, such as may be seen at a fair, 
 the major part of whom were plainly not of 
 the town ; so I said with great honesty : 
 
 Gentlemen ! Pm much obliged to you 
 all for your assistance this day, and more 
 especially for the votes by which you have 
 returned me the representative in Parlia- 
 ment of this borough of Frailtown, and vin- 
 dicated your privileges. Not one of you but 
 may lay his hand on his heart and declare 
 that you have given a conscientious vote. 
 I therefore most cordially thank you for 
 
110 THE MEMBER. 
 
 maintaining the freedom of election arid 
 supporting the independence of your mem- 
 ber. But, gentlemen, I am not a man of 
 many words ; I am a plain man like one of 
 yourselves ; the height of my ambition is to 
 resemble my friends. I can say, therefore, 
 no more to convince you of what I feel on 
 this occasion, than that I thank every one 
 of you from the bottom of my soul for the 
 everlasting obligations you have laid me 
 
 under.' 
 
 I then bowed three times, east, and west, 
 and south ; and retired frem the window 
 amidst a hurricane of applause, the eldest 
 inhabitant of the borough never having 
 heard a speech so much to the purpose. 
 
 In so far I was certainly the hero of the 
 day ; but the crowning peace of all was 
 shewn to Mr. Gabblon. I said to him, in 
 the presence of all who were in the hall, 
 that the contest being now over, we should 
 shake hands as friends ; and I held out 
 mine, which he had the good sense to take ; 
 and thereupon I invited him and his friends 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 Ill 
 
 to be of our dinner party, and it is not to be 
 described what an hilarious evening we spent 
 together. 
 
 Next morning, when all was quiet, Lord 
 Dilldam, with several of his guests that 
 were at the Castle, came over to the borough, 
 ind was prodigiously glad that I was chosen, 
 and invited me and my friends to dine with 
 him. Mr. Tough, who was then at my 
 elbow, whispered, " Decline, decline !" but 
 is I was in a good-humoured vogie mood, I 
 did not perceive the reason of this, and ac- 
 cordingly accepted the invitation ; thinking 
 that he would ask Mr. Gabblon likewise, 
 and that all would go off in a most agree- 
 able manner. 
 
 But when his lordship took his leave and 
 went away, Mr. Tough said to me, that he 
 was in doubt if I did right, as the new mem- 
 ber, in accepting the invitation ; "for," said 
 he, " Lord Dilldam is known, at the Treasury 
 and elsewhere, as the supposed patron of the 
 borough ; but you owe him no favour, and 
 therefore you should have been upon your 
 guard j for I would be none surprised if from 
 
112 THE MEMBER. 
 
 this scene, it were said that you were my 
 lord's member, and counted by the Treasury 
 as such, more especially as his lordship 
 paid no attention to Mr. Gabblon and his 
 friends." 
 
 "..We shall see about that," quo' I ; " his 
 lordship has been very civil in asking me 
 after the fray to come to his house, which I 
 am not loth to do, for I do not think that 
 independence is inconsistent with civility ; 
 and therefore, till he makes me a proposition 
 grounded on a sense of obligation, I can see 
 no reason why I should deny myself the 
 gratification of partaking of his hospitality." 
 
 " Well," said Mr. Tough, your senti- 
 ment is a very good one if you can adhere 
 to it, but we shall see the result by and by : 
 his lordship is a good country gentleman, 
 one of the king's friends ; but we'll see 
 what's thought of you and your indepen- 
 dence hereafter by the Treasury. You have, 
 however, Mr. Jobbry, lost an opportunity of 
 standing forth as an independent man, that 
 days and years may wear away before you 
 again recover the 'vantage ground." 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 113 
 
 This remark of Mr. Tough disconcerted 
 e at the time, for although he instilled a 
 suspicion into my mind, my easy nature did 
 lot allow me to see it was so fraught with 
 langer ; but to make a long tale short, we 
 certainly spent a very pleasant day at the 
 Castle. Then I went to Scotland, and put 
 things to right among my affairs there. By 
 that time, the day fixed for the meeting of 
 the new Parliament was drawing near, and 
 made my arrangements to go to London, 
 
 be there at the very opening. 
 
 But, guess my astonishment, when by the 
 >ost before I was ready to set off, down 
 lame a letter from the Treasury to me, 
 requesting that I would be present at the 
 leeting of Parliament, as it was understood 
 there was to be a division on the King's 
 speech. 
 
 " Oh, ho ! " said I, " the fears of Mr. 
 Tough are about to be verified. Of a cer- 
 tainty 1 will go, and before the meeting I 
 .'ill give a morning call at the Treasury, to 
 iscertain how it is that I am summoned by 
 their circular, being as independent a man 
 
 i 
 
114 THE MEMBER. 
 
 as any other in Parliament, and not rever- 
 encing the scowl of a minister of state more 
 than my own shadow in the sunshine." 
 
 It would be wrong to say that I was irre- 
 concilably angry with the understrappers 
 at the Treasury, to dare to consider me as 
 one of the bondmen of the Ministers, but I 
 was not well pleased : so the very same day, 
 on my arrival in London, which was the day 
 before the Parliament met, I happened, 
 Heaven knows how it came to pass, to be 
 daunering past the Horse Guards ; and I 
 thought to myself I would just step into the 
 Treasury, and ask what particular business 
 was corning on. I did so, and was received 
 in the politest manner possible; which caused 
 me to remark that I had got their circular, 
 a mark of attention I never expected. 
 
 " Oh/' said the secretary, " we are always 
 very particular to the friends of Lord Dill- 
 dam ; and when his lordship considered you 
 as one of his members, we could do no less 
 than invite the early attendance of one so 
 distinguished for loyalty and independence." 
 
 " I am greatly obliged to you/' said I 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 115 
 
 " but I did not know before that I was 
 under a particular obligation to his lordship; 
 however, I will attend the address on the 
 King's speech, and no doubt his Majesty's 
 Ministers will make it a net to catch as 
 many fish as they can ; and certainly if, with 
 safe conscience, I can, I will give it my 
 support ; but mind, it's not to pleasure Lord 
 Dilldam, but only my own religious con- 
 science." 
 
116 THE MEMBER. 
 
 CHAPTER XVI. 
 
 IT is surely a very extraordinary thing to 
 observe at the meeting of every new Parlia- 
 ment how it is composed ; but nothing is so 
 much so as the fact that there is a continual 
 increase of Scotchmen, which is most con- 
 solatory to all good subjects. Both England 
 and Ireland have many boroughs represented 
 by Scotchmen, but never yet has it been 
 necessary for Scotland to bring a member 
 out of either of these two nations. This, no 
 doubt, is a cause of her prosperity, quite as 
 much as the Union, of which so much is 
 said, and proves the great utility of her ex- 
 cellent system of parish schools. 
 
 The remark occurred to me on the night 
 of the first debate, when I looked round the 
 House and saw of whom it consisted; and I 
 said to a friend near me, before the address 
 was moved, that it was a satisfactory sight 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 117 
 
 to see so many very decent men assembled 
 for the good of the nation ; and it was an 
 earnest to me that we would have on that 
 night a more judicious division than for 
 many years past. And, accordingly, it was 
 so, for the King's Ministers had cooked their 
 dish with great skill : no ingredient was in 
 it that could well be objected to, and it 
 passed unanimously ; so that my principles 
 were put to no strain in doing as the other 
 members did. The next important debate 
 was concerning a matter in which some un- 
 derling of office took upon him to meddle 
 with an election ; and, as I don't much ap- 
 prove of such doings, I resolved, though it 
 was a Government question, to vote against 
 Ministers, and to shew, on the first occasion, 
 that I was independent of Lord Dilldam. 
 
 The question itself was of no great conse- 
 quence, nor a single vote either way of much 
 value ; but it was an opportunity to place 
 myself on a right footing with Ministers : 
 indeed, after the cost that I had been at for 
 my election, it was not pleasant to think 
 that Lord Dilldam was to get all the credit 
 
118 THE MEMBER. 
 
 of sending me into Parliament, and my share 
 of the public patronage likewise. Accord- 
 ingly, to the very visible consternation of 
 the Secretary of State for the Home Depart- 
 ment, the Chancellor of the Exchequer, and 
 two young Lords of the Treasury, who were 
 in a great passion, being rash youths, I was 
 found in the patriotic band of the minority. 
 To be sure they said nothing direct to me, 
 but I could discern that they spoke with 
 their eyes; nevertheless, I was none afraid, 
 and resolved to wait the upshot, which I 
 had not long to do ; for, in the course of two 
 days, I received a letter begging my interest 
 for Tom Brag, of Frailtown, who had ap- 
 plied to Lord Dilldam for a particular place, 
 but whom his lordship had declined to assist, 
 having promised to give his patronage to 
 another. As Tom had been useful to me in 
 the election, I was, of course, disposed to 
 serve him ; and, moreover, I was glad of 
 such an early opportunity to convince Lord 
 Dilldam that I was not to be counted one of 
 his neck-and-heelers. So I went straight to 
 the Secretary of State for the Home Depart- 
 
THE MEMBER. 119 
 
 ent, and requested that he would let Tom 
 rag have the place, which he said he 
 ould be very happy to do ; but he was 
 reatly surprised at the way in which I had 
 oted the other night, Lord Dilldam's mem- 
 ers being always considered as among the 
 firmest' supporters of Government. 
 
 " That," quo' I, "may be very true ; I am 
 not, however, one of his, but standing on my 
 own pockneuk : the rule does not apply to me. 
 There is no doubt that I am naturally well- 
 disposed towards his Majesty's ministers, 
 but I must have a freedom of conscience in 
 giving my votes. If you will give the lad 
 Tom Brag this bit postie, I will not forget 
 e favour, giff for gaff is fair play, and 
 ou will find I observe it." 
 The Minister looked at me with a queer, 
 omical, piercing eye, and smiled ; where- 
 pon I inquired if my young man would 
 ave the post. 
 
 " It will be proper," replied the Secretary, 
 before I give you a definitive answer, 
 hat I should have time to investigate the 
 matter." 
 
120 THE MEMBER. 
 
 " No doubt/' said I ; " but if the place 
 is not promised away, will my friend get it?" 
 
 " That's a very home question, Mr. 
 Jobbry." 
 
 " It's my plain way, Mr. Secretary ; and 
 as the place is but a small .matter, surely 
 you might give me the promise without 
 much hesitation." 
 
 " Yes, Mr. Jobbry, that is easily done 
 but do you know if it would please Lord 
 Dilldam that we gave it to you." 
 
 " I'll be very evendown with you : as an 
 honest man, Mr. Secretary, I cannot take 
 it on me to say that the appointment of Tom 
 Brag would give heartfelt satisfaction to his 
 lordship ; but I have set my mind on getting 
 the place for Tom; and, really, Mr. Secre- 
 tary, you must permit me to think that it's 
 not just proper that an independent member 
 should be refused a civil answer until my 
 lord this or that has been consulted." 
 
 " I beg your pardon, Mr. Jobbry. I hope 
 that you have no cause to think I have been 
 uncivil : a system of conciliation and firmness 
 belongs to Ministers on all occasions." 
 
THE MEMBER. 121 
 
 " True, true/' said I : " so Lord Sid- 
 mouth said would be the conduct of his 
 
 ministry towards France, and then he went 
 
 ./ ' 
 
 to war with them. But even, Mr. Secretary, 
 although you may go to war with me in 
 your conciliation and firmness, as I consider 
 a refusal in this matter would be, it will 
 make no difference in the ordinary questions 
 in Parliament ; but you know that, from 
 time to time, the Opposition make harassing 
 motions, in which the good of the nation 
 has no concern, though the felicity of Minis- 
 ters may. You understand/' 
 
 " Really," replied the Secretary of State, 
 laughing, " you are a very extraordinary 
 man, Mr. Jobbry." 
 
 " I am an honest member of Parliament." 
 
 " I see you are," was the reply. 
 
 " Then if you do, Mr. Secretary, you will 
 promise me the place." 
 
 In short, from less to more, I did not 
 leave him till I got the promise ; and from 
 that time I heard no more of my Lord Dill- 
 dam. 
 
 I have been the more particular in this 
 
122 THE MEMBER. 
 
 recital, as it was the first occasion on which 
 I had to vindicate my independence; and it 
 was well for me that I did it in a manner so 
 very complete, for soon after there was a 
 change of administration ; and had I not 
 done as I did, I must have gone to the right 
 about, and lost every benefit and advantage 
 that induced me to leave my pleasant coun- 
 try improvements in Scotland, to stew my- 
 self at the midnight hour with the cantrips 
 of the House of Commons. 
 
 But, though this affair was not without 
 the solace of a satisfaction, it was rather 
 an inroad on my system ; for, as my object 
 in procuring a seat was to benefit my kith 
 and kin, and to stick a harmless feather in 
 my own cap, I was not quite content to give 
 my patronage to a stranger. Thomas Brag 
 had, no doubt, a claim upon me, and I very 
 readily acknowledged it, especially as it 
 helped to shew me in my true colours; but 
 it would have been far more congenial to 
 my principles had I got the post for a son 
 of my own cousin, whom it would have 
 fitted to a hair. But men in public life, 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 123 
 
 tnd trafficking with affairs of state, must 
 lot expect every thing their own way ; so I 
 said nothing, but pocketed the loss, and 
 >runed my wing for another flight, like the 
 lawk in his jesses. 
 
124 THE MEMBER. 
 
 CHAPTER XVII. 
 
 THERE is not a more confounding; thing; 
 
 O O 
 
 in the whole art and system of the British 
 Government than the accident of a change 
 of ministry. To those who are heartily 
 bound, either by principle, ignorance, or 
 selfishness, to the men that have been in 
 power, it is most calamitous; for those of 
 principle are naturally grieved to see them- 
 selves cut off from further ameliorations ; 
 the ignorant, not knowing what to do, are 
 as helpless as the innocent babes in the 
 wood ; and the selfish are the worst off of 
 all, not being sure if they shall be able to 
 get themselves enlisted by the new set. 
 None are safe on such an occasion but the 
 independent members. Thank Heaven ! I 
 was of that corps, and sat still in my place 
 when the change happened. It is very true, 
 that the gentleman who was the Secretary of 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 125 
 
 >tate when I spoke my mind so freely anent 
 Tom Brag, said to me, on the first night after 
 the change, in a satirical manner, " that I 
 seemed to find my old seat very comfortable." 
 I replied, with a dry dignity, " that I had 
 a deaf ear, and could only properly under- 
 stand what was said on the ministerial side 
 >f the House ;" and I looked very grave as 
 I said this, which caused him to look so 
 likewise, and to redden as if he could have 
 felt in his heart = to be angry ; whereupon 
 I nothing; daunted, added : " You know, 
 
 D * * 
 
 Mr. Secretary that was, that I am an in- 
 dependent member, and that it is only the 
 weathercocks that veer about with every 
 wind of doctrine. Depend upon it, Mr. 
 Secretary that was, that i am as steady to 
 the point from which the right wind blows 
 as the cock on Kitrone steeple, that the 
 plumber so fastened that it should ever 
 point to the warm and comfortable south." 
 
 " You are a strange man," said he. 
 
 " And you," said I, " intend to account 
 me a stranger !" 
 
 He was still more confounded ; and seeing 
 
126 THE MEMBER. 
 
 myself in possession of the advantage, I con- 
 tinued, for it was very impudent of him to 
 notice to me on what side of the House I sat. 
 Wasn't I free to choose ? 
 
 ' And so, Mr, Secretary that was ;" and 
 I gave him a cajoling wink to mitigate the 
 sarcasm, <( if an impeachment be likely to 
 take place, I will be found at my post and 
 doing my duty." 
 
 This sent him off with his tail between 
 his legs ; for there is a great difference visible 
 in the courage of a minister in or out of 
 place and the termagant fellows that rule 
 the roast. 
 
 This brief conversation took place in the 
 House, and I saw the eyes of all parties 
 fixed on me; but I was true blue. At the 
 same time I could not but have a sympathy 
 and a sore heart for the humbled and de- 
 jected creatures that I saw filling the 
 benches over against me, so I said to Mr. 
 Shiftly, one of those that had come over to 
 our side, that it was a very distressing thing 
 to see men who had been so proud and bold, 
 carrying every thing with a high hand and 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 127 
 
 such lofty heads, not able to get a vote for 
 love nor money, love, of course, they had 
 lone, and as for their money, poor men ! 
 lotwithstanding their sinecures they were 
 >bjects of condign pity. 
 
 But, besides the claims which the occur- 
 rence of a change of ministry has on the 
 tender generosity and compassion of inde- 
 pendent members, it is most delightful to 
 observe how the new ministers comport 
 themselves. Being unacquainted with busi- 
 ness, they are of course naturally very much 
 averse to receive hints and suggestions ; but 
 then they are also wonderfully complaisant ; 
 and, as Mr. Shiftly, when we were talking on 
 the subject, said to me on this head, "that 
 all Arabia breathed from the Government 
 offices." 
 
 It might be so ; and I will not deny that 
 I had a blandishment of the universal dalli- 
 ance ; but as they became better settled in 
 their seats they grew less and less courteous, 
 and at last hardened down into as cold a 
 marble as their predecessors. Many that 
 had come over to them spoke to me of this 
 
128 THE MEMBER. 
 
 official petrifaction; and, to tell the truth, I 
 was not myself without a grudge at the 
 grandeur they began to assume ; but as I 
 had an object of my own to serve, I thought 
 it as well to see no more than was just pru- 
 dent ; by which discretion I was soon on as 
 satisfactory a footing with them as I had 
 been with the foregoing set : in sooth, I was 
 rather better ; for Lord Dilldam and his own 
 members stuck to the heels of the outs like 
 loch leeches to the old women's legs that 
 wade for them ; and it was a marvel among 
 the best informed how I could be so ven- 
 turesome as to keep my seat, and still sit on 
 the same side of the house. For this I was 
 called Abdiel. 
 
 The most grievous thing of all, however, 
 which happens in a change of administra- 
 tion, arises from the complaints that come in 
 from all the airts of the wind against the old 
 ministry, and which are chiefly directed to 
 those members who remain stanch in their 
 independent support of Government. I had 
 my own share of this trouble ; and how to 
 manage in it between what was due in 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 129 
 
 justice to the complainants, and what was 
 jailed for by expediency to my old friends, 
 ras most perplexing. At first, I received se- 
 reral petitions and applications with every 
 lisposition to look into their merits ; but the 
 lore I received, and the more I was willing 
 to listen to them, the number increased, till 
 I saw there was no end to it but to shut the 
 loors of impartiality on them all. 
 
 For the most part this was a judicious re- 
 solution ; for, attached to every case was a 
 long story, and if I had not come speedily 
 to the resolution which I did, the whole of 
 my precious time would have been taken 
 ip in hearing nothing all the morning but 
 
 wally, wally up yon bank;" and the o'er- 
 come of the same song at night " wally, 
 wally down yon brae." 
 
 But let it not be supposed that I was alto- 
 gether iron-hearted, and would admit no 
 petition, for I had my exceptions to the rule, 
 or rather, I was constrained to have them by 
 my friends, who knew my perseverance when 
 I had a turn in hand, urging me to interest 
 myself, sometimes when the case was very 
 
 K 
 
130 THE MEMBER. 
 
 imminent ; but, for the most part, really, it 
 seemed to me that men who have causes of 
 complaint are often as unreasonable as those 
 of whom they complain ; and it was in con- 
 sequence of being persuaded of this truth 
 that I resolved to be abstemious in under- 
 taking the redress of grievances and the 
 righting of wrongs. Still, as I say, it be- 
 hoved me to make, now and then, an excep- 
 tion ; but in this I drew a line of distinc- 
 tion, saying to myself, " It's not possible 
 for a member, be he ever so honest and 
 independent, to take up all cases for the 
 aggrieved; and therefore a discreet man will 
 first make a distinction as to the general 
 class of grievances that he will patronise, 
 and then select particular cases deserving 
 his patronage." It thus came to pass that 
 I made my selection upon the following prin- 
 ciple : First and foremost, I resolved to 
 confine myself to the line of widows and 
 orphans; and accordingly, unless the mat- 
 ter referred to a widow with children, or 
 orphans without parents, it was out of my 
 way. This limited my trouble to a compa- 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 131 
 
 ratively moderate class, and of that class I 
 limited myself to cases of singular hardship 
 and great distress. It nevertheless happened, 
 now and then, that an importunate petitioner 
 would force me to break through this rule ; 
 and, by dint of argument, or the power of per- 
 suasion, seduce me to take his part. In- 
 stances of this were, however, rare ; but the 
 new Ministry had not been many weeks in 
 the saddle, and were going at an easy canter 
 a Canterbury trot, as easy as Chaucer's 
 pilgrims from the Borough along the Kent 
 road when a sedate man called on me to 
 advocate his suit. But as it is a story of 
 some length, I must make it the substance 
 of another chapter. 
 
132 THE MEMBER. 
 
 CHAPTER XVIII. 
 
 MR. SELBY was a private gentleman, who 
 had lived in one of the colonies, and who 
 had suffered a great deal in his property by 
 an invasion of the enemy, in consequence of 
 which he was greatly reduced; but his con- 
 duct under his distressing circumstances was 
 so exemplary, that the governor, in the king's 
 name, promised that he would be repaid. 
 But many years passed before any thing was 
 done, during which every expedient was put 
 in force to get rid of the obligation to pay 
 him. At last, however, the stubborn truths 
 of the case could no longer be withstood ; 
 and a bankrupt dividend was advanced to 
 him, with promises. 
 
 The poor man seeing himself so treated, 
 but having still a great affection for Govern- 
 ment, bethought him if he could point out 
 a way, and with their consent, by which the 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 133 
 
 requisite fund could be raised, he would be 
 remunerated. This he did, and a very large 
 amount, which did not cost the Government 
 a shilling, was obtained ; but, lo and behold, 
 when he applied for the payment of his debt, 
 he was told that the money was appropriated 
 to other purposes ! 
 
 ! Very well/' says he, " if that be the 
 ;ase, pay me for my trouble in being the 
 means of doing so much public good by 
 getting to you so large a sum of money." 
 
 This was his case ; and on my advice he 
 rrote to the minister in whose department 
 the affair lay ; but, instead of getting any 
 redress, he got a point-blank refusal, without 
 a word being assigned of any reason for such 
 mtemptuous treatment. Thus the man was 
 ruined and driven to beggary, for nothing 
 more was afterwards paid him of his great 
 losses ; and he was, in consequence, obliged 
 to become a clerk to a merchant ; and what 
 added anguish to his misfortune, he was 
 told that the situation, which had as little 
 to do with Government as the man in the 
 
134 THE MEMBER. 
 
 moon, not so much maybe, was ample com- 
 pensation. 
 
 To take up a case of this kind after all had 
 been done that was possible, and to reason in 
 the public offices, and bring it before Parlia- 
 ment by one that was no speaker, required 
 consideration. I was in my humanity well 
 disposed to do what I could for the poor 
 man, and I told him that it would greatly 
 strengthen his cause if he got the opinion 
 of divers other members and acute men to 
 say what they thought of his claim. This, it 
 will be allowed, was judicious advice on my 
 part, inasmuch as I could not see very clearly 
 that it was a matter of law, though it was 
 plainly one of right and justice. 
 
 He did so accordingly ; and every one who 
 examined his case was of my opinion, and 
 bore the strongest testimony to the fairness 
 of his demand, and the equity of making 
 him a compensation for his trouble : they 
 only differed about what the amount should 
 be. Fortified with these opinions, I then ad- 
 vised him to petition the Honourable House ; 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 135 
 
 but at that crisis the change of administra- 
 tion took place, and I thought that as there 
 might be a more lenient spirit in the new 
 Government than had been among those 
 with whom he had formerly to deal, I said 
 to him, we would stop going forward with, 
 his petition, and apply to the new ministers. 
 Thus it came to pass that I was myself, 
 in the end, rendered accessary to a very cruel 
 transaction. The poor man's means had 
 been in a great measure exhausted by his 
 losses ; but, still flattered by hope of ultimate 
 redress, he kept on his way in an even tenor, 
 until all the relics of what he had were 
 nearly exhausted, and his time spent thrift- 
 lessly. In these circumstances I went to the 
 new minister and stated his situation, but 
 days and weeks passed without an answer ; 
 and at last, when one was given, it was to 
 the same effect as the former; and Mr. 
 Selby, with his family, were in consequence 
 utterly undone. I did not, however, think so, 
 or rather, I wished to think otherwise, and 
 advised him still to go to Parliament; but 
 he remarked, " that although moderate dis- 
 
- 
 
 136 THE MEMBER. 
 
 appointment is sometimes a spur to endea- 
 vour, continual disappointment never fails to 
 break the heart. I have not the means left 
 of going to Parliament, for justice has its 
 money-price in England ; nor can I afford 
 the time : my case, I apprehend, is not un- 
 common, but it is not the less hard to me." 
 I was very sorry to hear him say this, and 
 comforted him, as well as I could, with hopes 
 that I well knew were as empty as blown 
 soap-bells and bubbles ; and it cut my 
 tender feelings very much when he said : 
 " Mr. Jobbry, I am greatly obliged to you 
 for your friendliness in this matter ; but 
 adversity is an eye-salve ; and when distress 
 comes, good subjects grow scarce." 
 
 I inquired what he meant, and he replied, 
 " I think, sir, if you look at my case, both 
 first and last, you will see that I have cause 
 to say, that there is no sedition in being of 
 opinion that a reform is wanted in the Bri- 
 tish Government." 
 
 " Wheesht ! Mr. Selby, wheesht ! you must 
 not allow yourself to hint of such a thing." 
 " I cannot help it, Mr. Jobbry ; I am only 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 137 
 
 sorry to see that the roaring multitude make 
 a sad mistake in the question, crying out 
 for reformation in Parliament, when the 
 whole ail and sore is in the withers and 
 loins of the executive government." 
 
 " What do you mean, Mr. Selby?" 
 
 " Only this, the business of all govern- 
 ments is to enforce the law, but their own 
 practice is to regard its principles as little 
 as possible; and thus all reforms are but 
 changing words, until governments are as 
 much bound towards their subjects by prin- 
 ciples as one individual is to another. It 
 cannot, however, be long endured, that go- 
 vernments may continue to do only their 
 own will, and have no respect for justice 
 unless it happen to be supported by parlia- 
 mentary influence. A man of a just and 
 high mind, who will trust to his rights, and 
 not to the interference of his friends, has no 
 chance, under the existing system, of getting 
 even a moiety of justice." 
 
 " Hoot, toot, toot ! Mr. Selby, ye must 
 not speak in that manner." 
 
 " I have reason, Mr. Jobbry. To be sure, 
 
138 THE MEMBER. 
 
 the atom which an individual is in a great 
 state may seem an insignificant thing in the 
 view of those that sit in high places ; but 
 the poor beetle that we tread upon feels as 
 much in its anguish as the giant. Till 
 Governments, and Houses of Commons, and 
 those institutions which the sinful condition 
 of man renders necessary, are made respon- 
 sible to a tribunal of appeal, whose decisions 
 shall control them, there can be no effec- 
 tual reform. The first step is to take away 
 all will of its own from Government for 
 statesmen are but mere men, rarely in talent 
 above the average of their species, from what 
 I have seen and oblige it to consider itself 
 no better than an individual, even with respect 
 to its own individual subjects. Let the law 
 in all things be paramount, and it will little 
 matter whether the lords or the vagabonds 
 send members to Parliament ; at least, it is 
 my opinion that it will not be easy to find 
 five or six hundred gentlemen much better 
 than the present members of Parliament." 
 
 " That's a very sensible remark, Mr. 
 Selby." 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 139 
 
 " Nor," continued he, " is it likely that 
 half a million of electors will make a better 
 choice than a smaller number. In fact, the 
 wider the basis of representation is spread, 
 the greater will be the quantity of folly that 
 it will embrace : and we have only to look 
 at the kind of persons whom the multitude 
 send to Parliament, to anticipate what will 
 be the character of a reformed house. Look 
 at the moiety of Westminster, for example." 
 
 " All that may be very true, Mr. Selby ; 
 and I am glad to hear that ye're not a re- 
 former." 
 
 " I beg your pardon ; I am a very firm 
 one, but not of the parliamentary sort. I de- 
 sire to see the law purified and exalted, that 
 mankind may enjoy the true uses of govern- 
 ment protection. But it was a wish and 
 an aim it is so no longer." 
 
 With these words he went away : but 
 there was a tone of sorrow and anger in 
 my remembrance of them, like the scent 
 of sour in a vessel that has been used for 
 holding sweet ingredients ; and I was for 
 some time very uneasy. Soon after, I met 
 
140 THE MEMBER. 
 
 him in the street a very altered man. I 
 stopped, and kindly inquired how he was. 
 
 " As well as can be expected," said he. 
 
 " You don't look so." 
 
 " No," said he;" because the disappoint- 
 ment is working to its effect. At my time 
 of life it is not easy to learn a new way of 
 living to what I have been accustomed to 
 new friends, new habits all the world a- 
 new especially when to privation is added 
 a galling sense of wrong contumely in re- 
 turn for good." 
 
 " Oh ! you must not let yourself think 
 that way; it will only make your distress 
 greater." 
 
 " I intend it should do so," said he, 
 sternly : " I only wish it would do it a 
 little more quickly." 
 
 He then went away, and I never again 
 saw aught of him ; but in due time I shall 
 recite the sequel. 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 141 
 
 CHAPTER XIX. 
 
 THE concern of Mr. Selby troubled me a 
 great deal ; for although I could see that he 
 was fully entitled to a handsome recom- 
 pense, there was yet evidently a rule applied 
 against him of an unsatisfactory kind. For 
 the man himself I was sincerely grieved, 
 because, as he had rendered a service which 
 could not be denied, it seemed to me that 
 something must be rotten in the state of 
 Denmark which allowed the time and 
 ingenuity of any man to be taken from 
 him without a compensation, especially as 
 John Bull is a free payer of all that do him 
 any good. From the impression that Mr. 
 Selby had made upon me, I began to turn 
 my mind more on the frame and nature of 
 our Government; for although I went into 
 Parliament with the full intention of ad- 
 ministering my share of the Government 
 
142 THE MEMBER. 
 
 patronage with judgment and sensibility, 
 and to keep aloof as much as possible from 
 political matters, particularly of those that 
 related to France and foreign countries, I 
 yet saw that there was some jarring and 
 jangling in the working of the State, that 
 was not just agreeable. Thus it happens 
 that knowledge grows upon us ; but when 
 I came to reflect that the choice of the 
 limbs and members of Government is na- 
 turally limited to a very few, who, from 
 their station in society, have not the best 
 opportunities of acquiring a right know- 
 ledge of the world, my opinions underwent 
 a change ; and I soon perceived a wide dif- 
 ference between reverence for the Govern- 
 ment, and attachment to the men of whom 
 it is composed. 
 
 " Every government/' said I to myself, 
 one night when I came home early from a 
 drowsy wrangle of a committee on the esti- 
 mates " Every government is a sort of 
 machine, that is naturally formed out of the 
 habits, morals, and manners of its respective 
 people. We in this country are fond of 
 
THE MEMBER. 143 
 
 monarchy : in no country do people know 
 their respective situations with regard to 
 one another so well as in this. Indeed, I 
 have heard most intelligent men in India 
 ay, that the order of castes, though of a 
 ifferent kind, prevailed as strikingly in 
 England as among the Hindoos ; and cer- 
 tainly the sense of subordination in the dif- 
 ferent degrees of life is here very perfect : 
 even Nature seems herself to minister to this ; 
 for just look at the stout, short, civil, spirited 
 little men that she breeds for grooms and 
 servants, and compare them with the tall, 
 lank, genteel aristocracy of their masters. 
 To follow out the comparison to the different 
 orders of society would not be consistent 
 with my plan : it is only indeed necessary 
 that I should advert to the natural cause 
 that produces the political effect. We are 
 plain and palpably to the sight a nation 
 disposed to a monarchical form of govern- 
 ment, and I have no doubt that where 
 other kinds of governments prevail, other 
 sorts of people will be found. This fact 
 
144 THE MEMBER. 
 
 granted, as it must be, and the choice of 
 rulers being limited to a small number, it 
 must of course come to pass that talent 
 which nature does not seem to give out to 
 rank, like physical peculiarity will, as it 
 has ever been, be distributed among the 
 community at large. There are not distinct 
 races of genius, which does not procreate, 
 as there are races of horses and dogs ; and 
 thus it happens, that from time to time the 
 natural class from which the government is 
 formed is obliged to borrow talent from the 
 inferior classes. It is, however, not a very 
 safe and solid thing : when this is requisite, 
 it either betokens mutations and revolutions, 
 or is an effect of them." 
 
 This very well-considered opinion of mine 
 has grown into an article of faith ; and yet 
 it has not made me geatly content with 
 a very common practice among those who, 
 by their station, are entitled to bear the bell 
 in the Government, namely, that of their 
 too frequent custom of sucking the brains 
 of their inferiors, and casting away the 
 
 
THE MEMBER. 145 
 
 rind. But still, though it is a custom that 
 cannot but be condemned, it rises, I fear, 
 ut of circumstances that are beyond the 
 ontrol and measures of man. It no doubt 
 reeds discontent : the sappy brains that 
 re sucked without being paid for, grow acrid 
 and sour, and, like rotten oranges in a box, 
 they infect their neighbours ; and thus it 
 often is, that those to whom governments are 
 most obliged, become their most dangerous 
 and evil subjects, inasmuch as from them 
 proceed those acrimonious opinions that, 
 sooner or later, corrode the established well- 
 being of the state. 
 
 But although it is very fit that I should 
 here describe the course of reflection into 
 which the unjust and ill usage that Mr. 
 Selby suffered led me, his was not the 
 only case of the kind that tended to rivet 
 
 V 
 
 my opinion : several others soon after oc- 
 curred; and although none of them could be 
 said, like his, to be a claim for reward in 
 consequence of success, yet all and every 
 one of them were for authorised services of 
 
 L 
 
146 THE MEMBER. 
 
 an experimental kind, in which the remu- 
 neration was withheld. 
 
 To what conclusion this course of thought 
 might have led me, I cannot determine ; 
 certainly never to have sided with those who 
 were diffusing the delusion, that a redress 
 of the causes of discontent was to be effected 
 by giving the unenlightened many, an in- 
 crease of dominion over the enlightened few. 
 Governments are things of nature, and can- 
 not be changed nor removed but by the pro- 
 gress of seasons and time, except with great 
 confusion. They are like hills How- 
 ever, my meditations were interrupted rather 
 abruptly; for, not meddling myself overly 
 with even our home politics, I was roused 
 out of what I would call my easy acquies- 
 cence with the proceedings of Government, 
 by a sudden dissolution of Parliament. Some 
 difference on a speculative question caused 
 a division in the cabinet, and the new 
 ministry appealed to the people, as it is 
 called : I had therefore to cleek Mr. Tough 
 in my arm and hurry away to Frailtown ; 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 147 
 
 where I was told that Lord Dilldam, though 
 an excellent quiet country gentleman, was 
 so offended at my adhering to the opponents 
 of his party, that he was determined to oust 
 me from the borough. 
 
148 
 
 THE MEMBER. 
 
 CHAPTER XX. 
 
 I HAD an apprehension that my abiding 
 on the Treasury side of the House, at the 
 change of ministry, was not agreeable to 
 Lord Dilldam, and was therefore none sur- 
 prised when informed of his determination 
 to throw the weight of his influence against 
 me in the election ; insomuch that I had 
 begun to have some conversation with Sir 
 Abimelech Burgos, who was proprietor of 
 three boroughs in the West; but the sud- 
 denness of the dissolution broke off the 
 negotiation, and, upon the advice of Mr. 
 Tough, a real clever man at an election job, 
 I resolved to try my own luck again at 
 Frailtown. 
 
 When we reached the borough and I took 
 care on this occasion not to slumber nor 
 sleep by the way we drove at once to the 
 Royal Oak ; and Mr. Tough, with most 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 149 
 
 excellent dexterity, agreed with the landlord 
 that we should have the use of the whole 
 house for a certain sum of money. 
 
 This was a very capital stroke of policy ; 
 for as all the other public houses in the 
 town were of a mean order, he considered 
 that Mr. Gales, my lord's new candidate 
 and kinsman, would make his head-quarters 
 at the grand hotel in Physick spring; be- 
 cause he was a beau that dressed nicely, and 
 was in all things dainty and delicate. But 
 the main reason that Mr. Tough had in 
 driving Mr. Gales to that hotel was, a dislike 
 which the inhabitants of Frailtown bore to 
 the upsetting garish pride of every thing 
 about Physickspring. 
 
 " It may seem," said Mr. Tough, " that 
 this is a trifling matter, considering the close 
 corporation and singular constitution of the 
 borough ; but the generality of mankind, 
 unconsciously to themselves, are governed by 
 public opinion; and we may rest assured, 
 that the populace will not be satisfied with 
 Mr. Gales, and that their dissatisfaction will 
 more or less tell on the town council." 
 
150 THE MEMBER. 
 
 I thought his remark very shrewd, but 
 we had both great fears of my success ; for 
 that inveteracy, Mr. Spicer, was mayor a 
 second time ; and old pawky Isaac Gleaning 
 was in an ailing way, and could not give the 
 effectual assistance that I received from him, 
 for a consideration, at the former election : 
 so, after we had paid a few visits together, 
 I came home to the Royal Oak rather in 
 a subsiding mood, and had just said to Mr. 
 Tough, in meditative sobriety, that 
 
 " The troubles which afflict the just 
 In number many be ;" 
 
 when who should come into the room, to 
 pay me his respect, but that ramplor young 
 fellow, Tom Brag, that I had got the post 
 so cleverly for. 
 
 His office was not in Frailtown, but in 
 the neighbouring more considerable place of 
 Beverington : no sooner, however, had the 
 thankful lad heard of my arrival, than he 
 came over in his gratitude to offer me his 
 services. He was a prize ; for although he 
 had no great weight with the town council, 
 
THE MEMBER. 151 
 
 he had a supple hand at a trick. It was 
 not, however, my business to be seen in any 
 thing of the sort; so I left Mr. Tough and 
 him to concoct their own stratagems ; and, 
 in the mean time, being perfectly independ- 
 ent, I did not think it necessary to shew 
 myself under any particular reverence for 
 my Lord Dilldam. Accordingly, just as a 
 matter of course, I threw myself into a post- 
 chaise, and drove over to pay my respects 
 in an ordinary civil manner at the Castle. 
 His lordship, at the sight of me, was in 
 the greatest consternation, especially when 
 I said to him: " My lord, although me 
 and Mr. Gales are likely to have a rough 
 tussle in the oncoming election, there can 
 be no reason why I should not continue to 
 behave with decorum and respect to your 
 lordship." 
 
 " In truth, Mr. Jobbry," was his reply, 
 " I never thought, from the ease with which 
 I allowed you to carry the election last time, 
 that you would have made so light of that 
 favour." 
 
 By this short speech I got some insight 
 
152 THE MEMBER. 
 
 into his lordship's character, and could see 
 that, although he was a most respectable 
 nobleman, consistent in his principles and 
 moderate in his public temper, yet he had 
 not an ill conceit of himself; so I said, 
 touching my lips as it were with honey, 
 that " it was a great pity I did not rightly 
 understand the potentiality of his lordship 
 in the borough ; and that I was not a poli- 
 tician, but a sober domestic member, at- 
 tending chiefly to the local improvements 
 of the kingdom, only voting on occasional 
 political questions with ministers ; and, 
 really, that I had thought his lordship's great 
 experience of business in Parliament would, 
 without any explanation, have satisfied him 
 that changes in the heads of the Government 
 were but secondary matters with the like 
 of me ; my great end and purpose being 
 to get my own obligations to the public 
 righteously performed, which could not be 
 done if I veered about from side to side like 
 a party man." 
 
 On hearing this, his lordship looked most 
 well pleased ; and said, " that my principles 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 153 
 
 did me honour as a man, and that it was to 
 be regretted we did not understand each other 
 better; for," continued he, l( it was not so 
 much because you gave in your adherence 
 Lo the new ministers that I objected, as it 
 was because you were supposed to act inde- 
 pendent of me." 
 
 " My lord," said I, feeling the full force 
 
 )f what he said, " misunderstandings will 
 
 * ~ 
 
 arise between the best of friends ; and I am 
 rery sorry to say that, to all appearance, I 
 am likely soon to repent I was not so con- 
 junct with your lordship." 
 
 " Yes, Mr. Jobbry, you may have cause 
 to repent ; for now you will feel the force 
 of my influence ; and you may be assured 
 that I shall leave no means untried to secure 
 the borough for my young relation, Mr. 
 Gales. At the same time, Mr. Jobbry, I will 
 do you the justice to acknowledge, that had 
 a better understanding; existed between us, 
 
 O ' 
 
 I would not have allowed Mr. Gales to op- 
 pose you ; for, although he made some figure 
 at college, he's an excellent classical scho- 
 lar, and can compose and deliver speeches 
 
154 THE MEMBER. 
 
 of great promise, he is not exactly the sort 
 of man that I would have chosen; for I 
 want a man of business among those whom 
 I make the depositaries of my influence." 
 
 In short, his lordship and me became very 
 couthy, and he said " he would return mv 
 visit next day ; for that in all things he 
 thought we should act as honourable rivals 
 for the love of that fair damsel, the borough 
 of Frailtown, (an unproductive old maid, or 
 rather unmarried lady,) and seek to win her 
 smiles and favour by our chivalry, main- 
 taining a mutual courtesy towards each 
 other." 
 
 So far my visit to the Castle was auspi- 
 cious ; and when I returned to the borough, 
 I told Mr. Tough what had passed ; upon 
 which he laughed, and said, " In the des- 
 peration of our circumstances, you cannot 
 do better than so continue the war in the 
 enemy's territory ; for, to tell the truth, your 
 protogee, Tom Brag, is not very sanguine 
 in his opinion of our success ; but the fel- 
 low has great tact, and he tells me that our 
 
 C5 ' 
 
 only chance lies in annoying Mr. Gales per 
 
THE MEMBER. 155 
 
 jonally, so as to disgust him with the bo- 
 rough; for he is morbidly sensitive, and is 
 ;asily molested by a small trifle. Now, your 
 ictics are to conciliate my lord, and I have 
 settled with Tom Brag that his are to annoy 
 [r. Gales, which we are in the better con- 
 lition to do by having the commonalty on 
 >ur side, and by taking up our residence in 
 this plain homely manner in the town." 
 
 I agreed that the view which Mr. Tough 
 had taken of the state of my case was very 
 judicious; and accordingly we arranged to 
 act upon what I called the double-dealing 
 principle, for really it was so, both in its 
 morality and practice. But men have a 
 license in the time of a general election, and 
 I availed myself of no more than the com- 
 mon privileges of the saturnalia. 
 
156 THE MEMBER. 
 
 CHAPTER XXI. 
 
 I AM, of course, having been the candidate, 
 not very well acquainted with the devices 
 which had been concerted between Thomas 
 Brag and Mr. Tough ; I heard, however, 
 that, among others, they agreed to keep in 
 their pay a gang of skittle-players, fearless, 
 ne'er-do-weels, who were kept constantly on 
 the ree with ale and strong liquor, and were 
 to hold themselves in readiness for any ex- 
 ploit at a moment's call. 
 
 With these, accordingly, when my lord 
 returned his visit next day, in great pomp, 
 with four horses and outriders, and yet 
 without Mr. Gales' cockade, the phenomenon 
 attracted public wonder ; and, somehow, 
 Tom Brag's skittle-players got an inkling of 
 the business, and during his lordship's visit 
 they gathered round the inn-door, with all 
 the ragamuffinry of the town, shouting and 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 157 
 
 mking a fearful noise. I could see, when 
 lord heard them, that he was a little dis- 
 ;urbed ; but I told him how I had quietly 
 tllowed it to be known that his lordship's visit 
 to me was entirely of a friendly nature, and 
 therefore I wished that it should not be 
 tixed up with the business of the election. 
 
 That was most considerate of yon, Mr. 
 Tobbry," said his lordship, ft and I might 
 just have expected so from a man of your 
 sagacity ; and therefore I hope you will come 
 a friendly manner and dine with me at 
 the Castle to-morrow." 
 
 '* Your lordship has a fine taste," said I ; 
 "and certainly nothing will give me more 
 Measure ; but since you have condescended 
 
 ' / 
 
 to put our intercourse upon that dignified 
 footing, I will only make one condition." 
 
 ' Well," said his lordship, " it is granted, 
 'ithout knowing what it may be." 
 
 ; < My Lord Dilldam," quo' I, " in doing 
 so, you have only shewn the courtesy of your 
 >wn nature, and paid me what I feel to be 
 
 great compliment. The condition, there- 
 fore, that I propound, is one that I humbly 
 
158 THE MEMBER. 
 
 benign nature : I but request that you will 
 invite Mr. Gales and his friends to be of 
 the party; and that all about it shall be of 
 the same conciliatory and chivalric descrip- 
 tion." 
 
 " You have plucked the idea from my own 
 head," said his lordship ; " I was just about 
 to propose the same thing ; I only hesitated 
 lest you should think I was taking too great 
 a liberty." 
 
 "My dear lord," said I, "liberty !- -it is 
 an honour that I was diffident to propose." 
 
 We accordingly shook hands in the most 
 cordial manner. I saw him to .the steps 
 of his carriage, assisted him in, and ex- 
 pressed to him, as the door was about to 
 be shut, how deeply I felt the honour of his 
 visit. At these words, Tom Brag, who was 
 in the crowd, gave me a knowing wink, and 
 presently his skittlers and the crowd gave 
 three cheers, and his lordship drove away, as 
 proud as a cock on his own dunghill. 
 
 Presently after, Mr. Tough came to me to 
 hear what had passed, and I told him ; at 
 
THE MEMBER. 159 
 
 which he really chuckled with delight, re- 
 questing me to ask no questions ; but add- 
 ing, " that Tom Brag was, for a trick, the 
 very eldest born of Beelzebub. 75 
 
 Just while we were speaking, it came to 
 pass that Mr. Gales came riding with great 
 pomp and pageantry ; but as the Little-good 
 would have it, Tom Brag's crew as if to 
 shew a distinction between the scented clas- 
 sical young man and his lordship gave en- 
 feorTment of the borough, as the Scotch law- 
 yers say, with yird and stane that is, they 
 pelted him with all manner of abominations 
 from the street, till they made him a perfect 
 object, and sent all his coadjutors after him 
 in whirlwinds of mud, yelling and yelping 
 out of the town. 
 
 What was to be done for this uproar? It 
 was clear that his lordship, in his visit to me, 
 had been received with every demonstration 
 of the greatest respect ; but the treatment of 
 his candidate was a proof, beyond all doubt, 
 that it was not his lordship, but the candi- 
 date, that was unpopular. 
 
 " You must," said Mr. Tough to me, with 
 
160 THE MEMBER. 
 
 as grave a face as he could possibly put on, 
 "reprimand Tom Brag for not checking this 
 ebullition of popular fury, and send at once 
 to his lordship to express your regret at this 
 untoward action." 
 
 " I will leave the matter," said I, shak- 
 ing my bead, (whether I smiled or frowned, 
 the reader may guess) "entirely to you, Mr. 
 Tough ; but be sure and make it plain t( 
 his lordship's understanding how displeasee 
 I am that my party should have manifeste( 
 such a spirit against his lordship's candi- 
 date, while they treated himself with s( 
 much respect." 
 
 This was no sooner said than done. Toi 
 Brag, who was himself the very head an< 
 front of the offending, was dressed in his 
 best in a jiffy, mounted on his horse, am 
 away to Dilldam Castle, with my compli- 
 ments ; where he did not remain long, bul 
 came back to me before my consternatioi 
 was half over, and told me the many kin< 
 things his lordship had said to him concern- 
 ing my character, and how he thought thai 
 if every contested election in the kingdoi 
 

 THE MEMBER. 161 
 
 was managed in the same spirit of candour 
 and fairness, how very little trouble there 
 would be ; that as for what had happened 
 to Mr. Gales, it was a thing to be expected ; 
 and that party spirit, he could himself see, 
 ran high in the borough, but it was only 
 among the lower orders ; thank God ! the 
 candidates, as principals, had no share in the 
 licentiousness of the mob. 
 
 An elder of the kirk of Scotland, from be- 
 hind the plate on the Lord's day, could not 
 have told his tale with more decorum than 
 that unreverent young man, Tom Brag ; but 
 it was with a great difficulty that I could 
 reply to him in a becoming manner ; so I 
 only shook my head, at the which he ran 
 out of the room as if he would have died of 
 aughter. 
 
 " Now," said Mr. Tough, who was present, 
 fter Tom had gone away, " you have made 
 good lodgment with my lord, let us not 
 ose the advantage, for it is our only chance, 
 hat acrimonious fellow, Mr. Spicer, the 
 ayor, is all alive and awake to the manner 
 n which his power under the charter may 
 
 M 
 
162 THE MEMBER. 
 
 be exerted : we shall not be able to counter- 
 act him ; he has already settled who are to 
 be the five good men and true that he is to 
 summon from the market-place, all firm ad- 
 herents of his own. At the same time, he 
 calculates that there will be no need to have 
 recourse to that alternative ; but I have 
 heard that, since my lord's visit to you, he 
 has been looking a little black. You must 
 therefore, as your only chance of carrying 
 the borough, establish yourself well with his 
 patron, my lord." 
 
 " Never fear," quo' I, " a nod and a wink 
 are both alike to a blind horse : but what 
 shall we do, Mr. Tough, even were his lord- 
 ship brought over to my side, if this un- 
 grateful devil be so against us, either in the 
 council or by the five good men and true?" 
 
 " Trust to Providence, and do your best," 
 cried Mr. Tough. 
 
 This shews to what desperation our cause 
 was reduced. 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 163 
 
 CHAPTER XXII. 
 
 NEXT day I was ready betimes to go to the 
 Castle, where it was publicly understood 
 that I was to dine; and when I set out I 
 was attended by a great retinue of the 
 commonalty. In going along I saw behind 
 a clump of trees an assemblage of men 
 and boys having Mr. Gales's cockades in 
 their hats : the sight daunted me, but the 
 crowd that was round my carriage gave 
 them three cheers; and as I happened just 
 at the moment to discern among them Tom 
 Brag in a smock-frock, my dismay cleared 
 off like a cloud in a May morning ; and I 
 drove on cheerfully to the Castle. 
 
 It was well I did so ; for soon after, Mr. 
 Gales came in full puff in his barouche ; and 
 the crowd, coming from the plantation, re- 
 ceived him with shouts, and laughter, and 
 great applause. He seeing that they wore 
 
164 THE MEMBER. 
 
 his colours, was greatly delighted ; and a 
 proud man was he when he saw them take 
 the horses from his carriage, and bidding 
 the servants get down, dragged him along, 
 like captivity leading captive. 
 
 He thought they were drawing him in 
 triumph to Castle Dilldam ; but, to his 
 astonishment, they took another road, and 
 drew him into a pool in the river, where, 
 wishing him good day, they left him sitting 
 in his horseless carriage, cooling his heels, 
 till his servants could get him out. 
 
 The servants were not, however, long in 
 coming up, and, with the assistance of Tom 
 Brag and his skittlers, they made haste to 
 draw the carriage from the pool ; but, by 
 some accident, it so happened that in this 
 business the carriage was overset, and Mr. 
 Gales tumbled headlong into the water, 
 where he would have been drowned but for 
 the presence of mind and ready hand of 
 Tom, who caught him just in time by the 
 cuff of the neck, and dragged him, more 
 dead than alive, to the shore. 
 
 Such is the account that I received of the 
 
THE MEMBER. 165 
 
 disaster ; but what happened at the Castle, 
 md which was within my own knowledge, 
 requires me here to make a more circum- 
 stantial recital. 
 
 Lord Dilldarn was very energetic on points 
 of punctuality connected with his dinner- 
 lour ; and accordingly, as he had for the 
 occasion assembled many of his neighbours, 
 he was vexed that Mr. Gales did not come 
 at the time appointed. We sat down to 
 dinner, and still he was not forthcoming. 
 It was not, however, my business, consider- 
 ing the object in view, to take much pains 
 to appease his lordship's displeasure, and 
 therefore I said, 
 
 " It was surprising that Mr. Gales, who 
 knew our party was one of reconciliation, 
 should neglect to come." 
 
 I saw that my remark troubled his lord- 
 ship still more, and it was soon visible to the 
 whole company that he was an angry man. 
 
 A short time after dinner Mr. Gales made 
 his appearance, and his reception was not 
 one of the most cordial kind. 
 
 He excused himself by stating, rather, I 
 
166 THE MEMBER. 
 
 must say, with good humour, in what way 
 he had been deceived by the false colours of 
 Tom Brag and his party. 
 
 Pooh, pooh !" cried Lord Dilldarn, "don't 
 excuse your own heedlessness : you ought 
 not to have been deceived by a mere elec- 
 tioneering trick. What would rescued Eu- 
 rope and the British nation have thought 
 of the sagacity of the Duke of Wellington 
 at the battle of Waterloo, had he been de- 
 ceived by Napoleon dressing his army in 
 scarlet like the English soldiers V' 
 
 Mr. Gales, who was still a little dis- 
 turbed, replied, 
 
 " Upon my honour, my lord, I do not see 
 much fitness in the comparison." 
 
 " I daresay not, and that makes your 
 inattention the more palpable ; for the 
 numbers you had to contend with were a 
 mere trifle compared to the thousands on 
 that illustrious day. In fact, Gales, I 
 am not pleased. This was an occasion on 
 which the political tranquillity of the county 
 depended ; and if your condition was really 
 such that you were obliged to go back to 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 167 
 
 Physickspring, you might have sent one of 
 your fellows to apprise me of your disaster." 
 
 Here I thought fit to edge in a pacifying 
 word : 
 
 (t My lord," said I, " you must excuse 
 Mr. Gales under such a comical misfortune ; 
 for every one would not, in such circum- 
 stances, have been able to preserve his self- 
 possession. No doubt, self-possession dur- 
 ing a debate in the House is 
 
 " Yes," said his lordship, (l I know it ; 
 and it is that the want of self-possession 
 that makes me the more grieved, sir; it 
 is the first quality in a Member of Parlia- 
 ment eloquence is but the second; and a 
 man possessed only of eloquence, without 
 self-possession, is very apt to make a fool 
 of himself." 
 
 The rector of the parish, Dr. Bacon, who 
 was there, remarked that his lordship had 
 made a very philosophical observation. It 
 was plain, however, that the harmony of the 
 company was broken, and that Lord Dilldam 
 was in no very good humour with his can- 
 didate. Indeed, it was quite evident that a 
 
168 THE MEMBER. 
 
 very little persuasion would have induced his 
 lordship to cast him off; and it was equally 
 obvious that Mr. Gales himself did not 
 think very complacently of his part in the 
 election drama. Indeed, a hope began to 
 dawn in my bosom that they would quarrel, 
 and that I should only have to walk the 
 course. However, nothing happened that 
 night ; and I returned to the borough, after 
 having spent a most agreeable evening ; for, 
 although my lord's temper was in a state of 
 erysipelas, I could not, without a breach of 
 truth, say that it did not give me satis- 
 faction. This was increased when, on my 
 return, I saw a great light shining from the 
 market-place, and on approaching the Royal 
 Oak, beheld the front illuminated with let- 
 ters made of wine-glasses fastened by strings, 
 with small lighted wicks in each, like lamps, 
 displaying the words, in great splendour, 
 " RECONCILIATION DILLDAM AND JOB- 
 BRY FOR EVER/' and all the town ranting 
 and revelling before the door. 
 
 At first I thought this was a little too 
 much ; but when Mr. Tough laughingly 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 169 
 
 told me that it was a suggestion of his own, 
 I knew it was not without sagacity. 
 
 " In truth,' 7 said he, " this is not a time 
 for modesty. We must make the most we 
 can of your visit to my lord : it has already 
 abashed our adversaries. Mr. Gales, it is 
 known, damned the borough when he was 
 pulled out of the water, and threatened to 
 give up the contest. If we are to be de- 
 feated, let us not fall without a struggle." 
 
 I then told him what had passed at din- 
 ner ; upon which he said, " All works well ; 
 and before the mob disperses, we shall cir- 
 culate a story about the quarrel of rny lord 
 and Mr. Gales : no particulars will be given, 
 but only that there has been a quarrel, the 
 imagination of the populace will soon supply 
 particulars." 
 
170 THE MEMBER. 
 
 CHAPTER XXIII. 
 
 THE young stand by principle, the old by 
 law, the wise by expediency, and the foolish 
 by their own opinion. Much of this truth 
 was visible in the controversies of our elec- 
 tion. All the youth of the town were next 
 morning on my side, the elderly persons 
 did not approve of such a departure from 
 ancient custom, as the countenance which 
 they thought Lord Dilldam gave to me 
 against his own candidate, and the judi- 
 cious few were of opinion that one of the 
 candidates should withdraw; it being of little 
 importance which, for any good the borough 
 was to get by either : but the great bulk of 
 the people had declared themselves for me, 
 and were determined to support me through 
 thick and thin. 
 
 Such was the report of the state of public 
 opinion I received in the morning. " But/' 
 

 THE MEMBER. 171 
 
 said Mr. Tough, when he had made it, " the 
 aspect of all things is brightening. Your 
 most determined enemy, Mr. Spicer, is in- 
 disposed, and confined to bed : his disease, 
 I have no doubt, comes of the reported 
 quarrel between my lord and Mr. Gales ; 
 and he is mortified that he may be required 
 by Lord Dilldam to support you. I suspect, 
 from the pride and pertinacity of the man, 
 that he will rather remain at home ill than 
 attend the election. I think we have the 
 ball at our foot. If he absents himself 
 to-morrow, the great day, from the town- 
 hall, then the oldest counsellor must go 
 to the market-cross and summon five good 
 men and true; and if he do not, then the 
 next senior counsellor must go. Now the se- 
 nior counsellor is a weak, old, infirm man, not 
 at all likely, in the present excited state of 
 the town, to venture to the market-place ; and 
 the next counsellor is stanch to our party, 
 and will readily do the duty ; I shall, there- 
 fore, instruct him on the subject, and he will 
 call by name five who will serve our purpose, 
 and whom I shall have ready on the spot.'* 
 
172 THE MEMBER. 
 
 Greatly, however, to our surprise, next 
 morning no new occurrence had taken place. 
 Mr. Spicer was charming well again, and 
 every thing wore a frown to my cause. The 
 multitude from all parts of the country round 
 poured into the town in flocks, to conserve 
 their rights and privileges ; but no message 
 nor tidings were heard either from the Castle 
 or Mr. Gales ; yet Mr. Spicer was courage- 
 ous, and went buzzing about as brisk as a 
 bee. 
 
 I did not like, nor did Mr. Tough like, the 
 ominous silence of no messenger from the 
 Castle, nor forerunner from Mr. Gales: we 
 were confounded ; for this sudden secession 
 of Lord Dilldam was inexplicable, and the 
 conduct of Mr. Gales was irreconcilable with 
 his interests as a candidate ; and yet the 
 bravery of Mr. Spicer, the mayor, in this 
 uncertainty, was equally unaccountable. 
 
 Mr. Tough and I were thus reflecting 
 together, when suddenly starting up, he 
 exclaimed, " The day may be our own, but 
 ask no questions." 
 
 Out of the room he instantly ran; and 
 
THE MEMBER. 173 
 
 'om Brag, on horseback, was soon seen gal- 
 loping on the road to the Castle. 
 
 What is he about ?" said I to Mr. 
 'ough ; who only replied, " Ask no ques- 
 
 tions.' 
 
 In a short while after, we went through 
 
 o 
 
 the shouting multitude to the town-hall 
 together, where we beheld, to our dismay, 
 the mayor and council assembled ; and Mr. 
 Gales, who had come in by a back door, 
 fearful of outrage, standing at Mr. Spicer's 
 right hand. 
 
 " We are undone/' whispered I to Mr. 
 Tough. " Not yet," said he, panting with 
 awe and dread. 
 
 Then an officer being about to open 
 the courts to begin the business, a cry got 
 up that an express had come from my lord, 
 with a letter to the mayor. Who brought 
 that letter was never known to me ; for the 
 hall being crammed with spectators, and sur- 
 rounded by the populace, it was handed over 
 head from one to another till it was de- 
 livered. 
 
 The mayor on receiving it opened it with 
 
174 THE MEMBER. 
 
 a trembling hand. It was a note with Lord 
 Dilldam's compliments then some unread- 
 able words then " hoping" and then other 
 unreadable words then " interested," 
 and other unreadable words; concluding 
 with, " that the election of Mr. Jobbry had 
 taken place ;" thereby, as it seemed, intimat- 
 ing that he was interested in me alone. 
 
 o 
 
 Mr. Spicer shook like the aspen, for the 
 job was odious to him; and presently he 
 complained of being suddenly taken unwell, 
 cried out for fresh air, and was with diffi- 
 culty assisted out of the room. Upon this, 
 Mr. Tough, all of a tremble, cried out that 
 the business of the election must proceed 
 according to law, the charter of the town 
 having provided for such accidents. 
 
 " In the king's name," cried he, waxing 
 bolder, " I demand of you, Mr. Idle, as 
 senior counsellor, to go into the market- 
 place and summon five good men and true, 
 burgesses of this borough, to repair with 
 you to this place, to assist the council in 
 the election of a member." 
 
 " Dear me, dear me !" cried Mr. Idle; " I 
 
THE MEMBER. 175 
 
 
 
 im an aged man ; I cannot do that : I am 
 in such a flutter that I can scarcely recol- 
 
 ;ct my own name, far less five others." 
 ' Then," cried Mr. Tough, " the senior 
 
 >f the council having refused, on the plea of 
 inability, to perform the duty, it belongs to 
 you, John Gnarl, to perform it, and without 
 delay, for the business of the election has 
 now commenced." 
 
 John Gnarl, with an evident inward laugh, 
 made no bones of the business, but alertly 
 starting up, he went forth from the hall; all 
 the crowd giving passage to him as he passed, 
 amazed at this high solemnity, which had 
 not been performed in the memory of man ; 
 and on reaching; the cross, he there sum- 
 
 O ' 
 
 moned five burgesses by name and craft, 
 rho, greatly to the astonishment of all pre- 
 sent, were accidently standing together, 
 dressed in their Sunday clothes ; and back 
 John came to the hall with them behind him. 
 When the names of the two candidates, 
 Mr. Gales' and mine, were read over, the 
 whole five burgesses, without even speaking 
 to one another, unanimously advised the 
 
176 THE MEMBER. 
 
 council to elect me which was a very ex- 
 traordinary electioneering coincidence. 
 
 Mr. Gales looked aghast; but his lawyer, a 
 genteel young man, peremptorily told him it 
 could not be avoided : the charter had es- 
 tablished the principle, and Mr. Jobbry was 
 duly elected. 
 
 While this little fracas was going on, I 
 saw Mr. Tough quietly lift my lord's note 
 from the table, which the mavor had in 
 
 / 
 
 his consternation left, and putting it in his 
 pocket, began to chew bits of paper out of 
 the same pocket; but whether they were 
 fragments of the note or not, I could take 
 my Bible oath as to my ignorance of the 
 fact. 
 
 Thus was I a second time elected the 
 independent representative of Frailtown. 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 177 
 
 CHAPTER XXIV. 
 
 THE aspect of a new Parliament after a 
 change of administration is very comical. 
 On the left side there is stern and vindictive 
 frowns ; and on the right, exultation and 
 complacency, interspersed with young un- 
 known visages, of a serious senatorial cast, 
 prognosticating oratory. It is a lucky thing, 
 however, for the country, that the number 
 of these and other speakers is comparatively 
 very few ; for at the best they are but a 
 necessary evil, and only help the more saga- 
 cious editors of the newspapers to make 
 wiser reflections. The prudent, those that 
 set a watch on the door of their lips, never 
 speak at all, or, at the most, only put a 
 young man right when he happens, in the 
 warmth of debate, to be caught tripping in 
 a Parliamentary fact. But I have less to do 
 
 N 
 
178 THE MEMBER. 
 
 with the House than with what happened 
 to myself in and about it. 
 
 Whatever resolution a member may form 
 for the guidance of his conduct on first en- 
 tering Parliament, he will see, as he grows 
 familiar with its usages, that he is constrained 
 by some inscrutable power to conform very 
 generally in all things to the conduct of his 
 neighbours. 
 
 I have already said, that the House of 
 Commons is a peculiar community; and 
 every day that I belonged to it, I was the 
 more and more convinced of this truth. 
 Out of doors men are regulated by public 
 opinion, in their thoughts, their actions, and 
 their enterprises; but within the walls of 
 that House there is a different atmosphere ; 
 members become less and less susceptible 
 of the influence of public opinion, and more 
 and more to the dogmas of Parliament, 
 which the populace, with their usual wisdom, 
 always think are less sound than their own. 
 
 I make the remark, because when I took 
 my seat after the election which has just 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 179 
 
 been described, I felt myself elevated above 
 many persons that I saw around me, whom 
 I had previously considered as in some 
 things my superiors; if I were to feign 
 candour, I would say in all things ; but I 
 adhere to the conclusions of my own under- 
 standing. 
 
 This consciousness of superiority puzzled 
 me a good deal ; but I soon saw that it pro- 
 ceeded from the same sort of thing that gives 
 men an advantage over one another in the 
 world, and which often passes for superior 
 understanding. I had only, by being a 
 member of that peculiar community, learned 
 some of those sleights of art inherent in it, 
 similar to those which give men a power 
 over mankind in the world, and likewise 
 often passes for talent. Although, therefore, 
 it could not be said that I was a distinguished 
 Member of Parliament my name was never 
 seen in the debates in the newspapers I 
 yet discovered that I was accounted one 
 of a clever sort, especially among my junior 
 brethren ; and thus it came to pass, that I 
 was bit by bit solicited from my own de- 
 
180 THE MEMBER. 
 
 termination, and, without becoming a party- 
 man, to have a leaning towards those who 
 were more inveterately touched with the 
 patriotism of making long speeches. 
 
 For the first session, I know not how it 
 happened, probably in consequence of the 
 Parliament being new, and expectants having 
 in the new members more quarry, I was less 
 troubled with applications for patronage than 
 ever before ; but I lost something of my 
 relish for regulating the distribution of what 
 posts I did get : in truth, I ought not to 
 take great credit to myself for this, as the 
 Government was quite as much the cause, 
 fancying that if a young man got a post, 
 the emoluments of which he allowed to be 
 taxed with an annuity, for example, to the 
 widow of his predecessor, it was opening a 
 door to corruption, by uniting the widow's 
 interests with his. The custom was, there- 
 fore, stopped, and the officer received his 
 full emoluments. 
 
 I remember very well, that this at the 
 time was thought a notable reform, and it 
 was very acceptable to the people at large : 
 

 THE MEMBER. 181 
 
 but I had my doubts of its practical wis- 
 dom ; for if a man could afford to give an 
 annuity out of his emoluments, surely he 
 could have paid as much back to the state, 
 and thereby caused an important item of 
 savings ; for, be it observed, by the new 
 arrangement the poor widow was left desti- 
 tute, and became in so much a cess upon 
 her friends, who of course became discon- 
 tented. I have often wondered how an auld- 
 headed old friend of mine, that then was in 
 office, should have consented to such a frus- 
 tration of the widow's hope, without making 
 the public benefit by the alterations, espe- 
 cially as he was a Scotchman. 
 
 I have no respect for such nugatory regu- 
 lations; and I trust my public conduct war- 
 rants me to say, that concerning the same, 
 great delusion beguiles the world ; for al- 
 though I have ever been a Government 
 man, I have not always been blind to the 
 tubs that the ostriches in office throw to 
 the whales; and the courteous reader I am 
 sure will think with me, that it was a very 
 doubtful regulation that deprived Custom- 
 
182 THE MEMBER. 
 
 house officers and consuls of their fees. In- 
 deed, I have always thought that the latter 
 should have no salaries at all, but be paid 
 by fees from those whose business they do ; 
 but let their fees be strictly regulated. It 
 is a very hard thing for an old wife, in the 
 wilds of Inverness-shire, to be paying in the 
 price of her tea for consuls on the back of 
 the world, whose only business is with men 
 and matters that neither directly nor indi- 
 rectly can she have any thing to do with. 
 
 But I am falling into an overly digression 
 on this head ; for I only meant to set forth 
 that true national representatives, members 
 such as I was, should in all alterations, even 
 in things deemed corrupt, see in what man- 
 ner the change has been beneficial to the 
 public. Clear to me it is, that it was not 
 the abolition of fees that was required, but 
 only their regulation ; and whoever was the 
 father of that job, though it was one of the 
 artificers of a new ministry, to curry favour 
 with popularity, it was but a weak inven- 
 tion, and shewed no right conception of the 
 business of the commercial world. 
 
THE MEMBER. 183 
 
 But it is time I should resume my narra- 
 tive ; for, although this explanation may in 
 some degree be necessary to explain my 
 conduct, I do not profess here to state my 
 principles in any direct form. My object 
 is to shew by my actions what they were, 
 and it will be seen they continued as pure 
 and independent after I became more of a 
 politician than I was or intended to be in 
 my early career. When I say this, I beg 
 to be understood as in no sense implying 
 that I gave much heed to international 
 affairs ; it would have been indeed an ex- 
 traordinary departure from the consistency 
 of my character, had I done so ; for on 
 that subject there are always between both 
 sides of the house something less than a 
 hundred members who are well qualified 
 to keep their friends right. My endeavour, 
 therefore, was not so much to acquire 
 superior knowledge myself, as to acquiesce 
 judiciously in the opinions of those who 
 were best informed. And in this respect 
 I was not singular in those days ; for many 
 sound and solid-headed elderly gentlemen, 
 
184 
 
 THE MEMBER. 
 
 who did not know, when they entered the 
 house, whether Portugal was in the king- 
 dom of Lisbon, or Lisbon in the kingdom 
 of Portugal, did the same thing, and their 
 votes were always highly approved ; for it 
 so happened that they pinned their faith, 
 like me, to the opinions of men that the 
 general world out of doors respected for 
 their talents, knowledge, and integrity. 
 
THE MEMBER. 185 
 
 CHAPTER XXV. 
 
 ALTHOUGH the first session of my third 
 parliament worked on myself a considerable 
 change, and led me on to be more of a public 
 and party man than was in exact conformity 
 with my own notions of what a plain member 
 should be, who has the real good of his coun- 
 try at heart, I yet had some small business in 
 my own particular line ; the most remarkable 
 piece of which was in being balloted a mem- 
 ber of a committee to try the election for the 
 borough of Wordam, in which it was said that 
 some of the most abominable bribery prac- 
 tices had taken place that ever offended the 
 sight of the sun at noon-day. In this affair 
 my old adversary atFrailtown, Mr. Gabblon, 
 was the sitting member ; and to be sure the 
 petitioners alleged against him such things 
 as might have made the hair on the Speaker's 
 wig stand on end " like quills upon the 
 
186 THE MEMBER. 
 
 fretful porcupine," had they not been so well 
 accustomed to accusations of the same kind. 
 
 It is true that there are few tribunals more 
 pure and impartial than the election com- 
 mittees of the House of Commons; but in- 
 cidents will occur in the course of an inquiry 
 that are very apt to make the proceedings 
 seem questionable ; and thus it came to pass, 
 that as we reported Mr. Gabblon not duly 
 elected, I suffered in the opinion of his 
 friends, as having been swayed by the recol- 
 lection of the trouble he had given me at 
 Frailtown. No man, however, could act with 
 stricter justice than I did : one of the com- 
 mittee, indeed, a new young member, fresh 
 from Oxford, and aspiring for renown, said 
 openly, that I had shewn a conduct through- 
 out the investigation worthy of Rhadaman- 
 thus ; which nick-name, by the by, did not 
 stick to me, but to himself. 
 
 Among other charges, it was alleged 
 against Mr. Gabblon that he had hired a 
 mountebank doctor and a merry-andrew to 
 seduce the burgesses ; I pricked up my ears 
 at this, and looking from under my brows, 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 187 
 
 md over the table to where the honourable 
 gentleman was sitting, gave him, in spite of 
 lyself, a most, as he called it, taunting 
 smile. Now, the truth was, that I only 
 happened to call to mind what Mr. Tough, 
 ty solicitor, had done with Doctor Muckle- 
 lose at the Frailtown election. 
 
 The mention of the mountebank did not, 
 lowever, make a deep impression on the 
 committee; indeed, some of themselves, if 
 all tales be true, were well accustomed to 
 mch antics ; but an answer to a very small 
 [uestion, which I put to one of the witnesses, 
 ihrew great light on the subject. 
 
 1 Friend," quo' I to him, resting my arms 
 md elbows on the table, and my chin upon 
 the back of my hands, " did your mock- 
 loctor vend medicines?" 
 
 '' Oh, yes !" said the man ; " he had pill- 
 >oxes and salves." 
 
 ' And nothing else?" said I, seeing him 
 icsitate. 
 
 " There was a wrapped-up paper." 
 
 " Ay ; and what was in it ?" 
 
 " It was a printed note, saying that the 
 
188 THE MEMBER. 
 
 doctor would be consulted by the freemen 
 and their families gratis, every day till the 
 election was over." 
 
 " This looks serious!" exclaimed myRha- 
 damanthian friend ; and I thereupon said to 
 the witness, " And what was the result ?" 
 
 " All/' quo' he, " that consulted the doc- 
 tor, it was said, were inoculated." 
 
 t( What do you mean by inoculated ?" 
 
 " At the election they all voted for Mr. 
 Gabblon." 
 
 " Well, my friend, but what had Mr. 
 Gabblon to do with that?" and, on saying 
 this, I turned round to the chairman and 
 said, " The doctor and the merry-andrew 
 should be called before us as witnesses." 
 
 Upon which Mr. Gabblon's lawyer ob- 
 jected, saying, " They could not be legal 
 witnesses, inasmuch as they were rogues 
 and vagabonds by law." 
 
 This was, however, overruled ; and I saw 
 Mr. Gabblon turn of a pallid hue when it 
 was determined to bring them before us. 
 
 We then adjourned to afford time, and in 
 due season met again. The doctor and his 
 

 THE MEMBER. 189 
 
 >ol were really very decent, just as re- 
 spectable to look at as any member of the 
 committee: the merry-andrew was dressed 
 the tip-top of the fashion, with an eye- 
 glass, hung by a garter-blue riband. But 
 'hat surprised me most was, that I was 
 >ome time of discerning in him the same 
 r oung man that had been so serviceable to 
 Mr. Tough at my own election. 
 
 As it was evident to the meanest capacity 
 in the committee, that the inoculation had 
 been p3rformed by matter obtained from 
 Mr. Gabblon, I made a dead set at that 
 point, arid said to the clown in a conversible 
 manner : 
 
 " And so, my old friend, for I see you are 
 mch, we have rather a knotty business in 
 land : what said the doctor, your master, to 
 r ou when he mentioned that you were hired 
 :o play your pranks for the edification of 
 the good people of Word am, as you were 
 >nce hired by a friend of mine to do for me 
 it Frailtown?" 
 
 " He said," replied the young man very be- 
 comingly, " that I should have five guineas." 
 
190 THE MEMBER. 
 
 " Well, considering your talent, that was 
 moderate ; but I don't think you have im- 
 proved in prudence since we met ; for, 
 according to report, you had as much from 
 my friend for one day as for all the seven 
 you performed for Mr. Gabblon." 
 
 " But, sir," replied the witness, nettled 
 at the idea of his prudence being called in 
 question, t( I had five guineas every day." 
 
 " Oh ! I thought you only performed one 
 day." 
 
 " Yes, sir, only one day in public ; but 
 the private practice was no easy job." 
 
 " No doubt," said I ; " but what was this 
 private practice?" 
 
 " It was bamboozling the natives before 
 some of them were in a condition to take 
 the doctor's drugs." 
 
 " That was hard work, no doubt ; but 
 what was the doctor's medicine that the 
 patients were so loath to take ? To be sure 
 drugs are very odious things." 
 
 " I never saw him administer any." 
 
 (t You're a clever lad," said I, " and you'll 
 just step aside and let the doctor come for- 
 

 THE MEMBER. 191 
 
 ward ;" which being accordingly done, I 
 continued : 
 
 " Doctor," quo' I, ;< I hope you're very 
 well, and have been this long time ; you 
 keep your looks very well : no doubt you 
 take a good deal of the same physic that 
 your young man has been telling us was 
 administered, pro bono publico and Mr. 
 Gabblon, at Wordam." 
 
 " Not so much as I could wish," replied 
 the doctor; " times are very hard." 
 
 " No doubt they are ; but what were 
 the doses that operated so efficaciously at 
 Wordam?" 
 
 " The Melham bank," replied the doctor, 
 " had stopped payment." 
 
 " Hey !" 
 
 Mr. Gabblon gave a deep despairing sigh, 
 and I said, 
 
 " Doctor, not to trouble you with these 
 trifling questions, for I am sure your medi- 
 cine was as precious as gold " 
 
 " It was all sovereigns, for the cause I 
 mentioned." 
 
 Mr. Gabblon gave another sigh, and his 
 
192 THE MEMBER. 
 
 lawyer, albeit of a rosy hue, turned for a 
 moment white as his wig, and then laughed. 
 
 " Doctor," was my comment, " we are 
 very much obliged to you; your answers 
 have been exceedingly satisfactory : but one 
 point ; it's of no consequence ; you should 
 however have mentioned it ; and that is, 
 how you got the sovereigns." 
 
 " Oh ! Mr. Gabblon's groom brought 
 them every morning, and staid with me as 
 long as patients came." 
 
 " I daresay, doctor, you had many doubt- 
 ful cases what was the prevailing com- 
 plaint?" 
 
 At these words, Mr. Gabblon, not the 
 wisest of mankind, suddenly started up, and 
 called the doctor an ass, not to see how I 
 was making a fool of him. 
 
 " Tis you," said the clown, " that he's 
 making a fool of;" at the same time wink- 
 ing to the Committee with one of his stage 
 faces, forgetful where he was. 
 
 In short, not to lengthen my story into 
 tediousness, bribery and corruption was 
 clearly proven ; and Mr. Gabblon, as I have 
 

 THE MEMBER. 
 
 193 
 
 
 already stated, was set aside ; for he was not 
 cunning enough, in a parliamentary sense, 
 to be honest, a thing which leads me to 
 make an observation here, namely, that it is 
 by no means plain why paying for an indi- 
 vidual vote should be so much more heinous 
 than paying for a whole borough. 
 
194 THE MEMBER. 
 
 CHAPTER XXVI. 
 
 MY third parliament was more remarkable 
 for talk than trade. A great many motions 
 were vehemently discussed, not one of which 
 was of the slightest benefit to the nation. 
 Those in the two early sessions were alto- 
 gether what my friend Colonel Armor called 
 " drilling recruits," that is, affording op- 
 portunities for young orators to shew the 
 calibre of their understandings and the 
 weight of their knowledge ; and yet the sit- 
 tings were busy and bustling to public mem- 
 bers, and to the newspapers, for they filled 
 their columns. For my part, I was sick of 
 it ; and a very little of the drug that the 
 doctor distributed at Wordam would have 
 made me retire to my cool sequestered neuk 
 in Scotland, even though there is something 
 in the air of the Parliament House that does 
 wile a man on, from day to day, to thole 
 
THE MEMBER. 195 
 
 with a great deal of clishmaclavers, at least 
 so it proved with me. 
 
 One advantage I derived by giving more 
 ear to politics than in the two former Parlia- 
 ments, I was less troubled by applications 
 for places, which are really very vexatious. 
 As an independent member, applicants to 
 me were both Whigs and Tories, neither, 
 to be sure, of a deep dye, but still party men ; 
 but when I began to adhere to the one party, 
 I was none troubled by those of the other, 
 it being an understood thing that I would 
 only attend to applications from my brethren 
 in feeling and principle. This I did not dis- 
 like to perceive and to know. 
 
 My own nature, and a rightful regard 
 towards the Government, made me of a 
 Toryish inclination, which I soon saw was 
 the prevalent inclination of the House. By 
 far the greatest part of the members were 
 disposed to stand by the Government in all 
 things, though there were schisms of a per- 
 sonal kind that it was fitting John Bull 
 should not discern. These, accordingly, 
 were ascribed to principles : but were, in 
 
196 THE MEMBER. 
 
 fact, personalities which governed the selec- 
 tion of men for power and office. 
 
 By the best of my calculations the num- 
 ber of real Tories in the House never reached 
 sixty persons ; that is to say, sixty who 
 would on no account listen to the slightest 
 proposal for any alteration in the frame of 
 our constitution and the ancient establish- 
 ments, which they called its bodily organi- 
 sation : they would have as soon listened to 
 a proposition to change the physical position 
 of the kingdom itself on the globe, as to 
 change the relative position of the orders 
 and institutions which time, and the frame 
 of our government, had established ; and 
 which they thought were things that came 
 as much of nature as the oak, or any other 
 indigenous product. These I looked upon 
 as the pillars of the state ; but I was not 
 myself one of them : on the contrary, I was 
 more in conformity with the greater number, 
 who thought that if a diseased limb was 
 incurable it ought to be cut off, to preserve 
 the health and strength of the whole body. 
 
 With the exception of the sixty unchange- 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 197 
 
 able Tories, there was undoubtedly a dispo- 
 sition in all the rest of the House to encou- 
 rage Government to persevere in a course of 
 amendment, even to a recasting of the most 
 consecrated usages and establishments of 
 our ancestors. Among these were included, 
 at this time, fully more than sixty Whigs ; 
 that is to say, men dissatisfied with the 
 whole frame of existing things, and who 
 thought that the world would be mended 
 were that frame entirely removed, and a 
 new system substituted. 
 
 Much did I meditate on the curious fact 
 of the seeming equality in numbers between 
 the inveterates of both sides of the House, 
 or, rather, on the predominance which the 
 Whigs appeared really to possess, without 
 being themselves aware of it, till I began to 
 institute a comparison of their respective 
 individual qualifications ; in which compari- 
 son the Tories, alike in talent, experience, 
 and practical sense, so bore away the bell, 
 that I soon ceased to wonder at their supe- 
 riority of influence. Taking the numbers of 
 deadly Whigs and Tories to be equal, I per- 
 
198 THE MEMBER. 
 
 suaded myself that, in point of those quali- 
 ties which rule mankind, one Tory was equal 
 to two Whigs ; and that luckily for the 
 nation it was so, otherwise we should have 
 had nothing but changes, until not a stool 
 was left to sit upon. It was merely in prac- 
 tical talent, however, that the Tories had 
 the advantage certainly not in numbers; 
 for the House, in general, bent toward that 
 course of action which the Whigs recom- 
 mended. Throughout the whole of that 
 parliament, a practical man among the 
 Whigs was only wanting to have made 
 them the masters. 
 
 Among other ineffectual controversies 
 which arose out of the otherwise unpro- 
 ductive results of this debating Parlia- 
 ment, was what may be called the Money 
 Question a subject on which mercantile 
 opinion is alone deserving of attention, but 
 which has not been attended to throughout. 
 The question concerning it, instead of re- 
 lating to the thing itself, turned chiefly on 
 the material of which the thing is made, the 
 country gentlemen insisting that the money 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 199 
 
 should be money's worth : thus, that Go- 
 vernment should always keep a vast sum, in 
 the value of the material of tokens, circula- 
 ting from hand to hand throughout the 
 kingdom. 
 
 I was grievously puzzled in this matter, 
 for some of those to whose opinions I pinned 
 my faith in abstruse matters of policy, had 
 really what seemed to me very wild notions 
 on this subject. This arose from the theory 
 being so different from the practice, as in 
 many other things of Government ; for cer- 
 tainly nothing can be plainer than that a 
 bank-note, valid for its value, is as good as 
 gold : and yet, notwithstanding the great 
 cost of gold, the country gentlemen insisted 
 that many millions' worth of it should be 
 kept in circulation, and paper put down. 
 The reason of their opinion, however, never 
 appeared in the debates ; they knew that 
 the craft and fraudulency of the world would 
 substitute an unsound paper, and that those 
 who issued it would draw the gold into their 
 own coffers. It was this craft and fraudu- 
 lency that were dreaded, when the cry was 
 
200 THE MEMBER. 
 
 got up that paper should be put down ; and 
 thus it happens, that the appearance of gold 
 for bank-notes is a lasting testimony against 
 the integrity of those bankers who then 
 issued notes. 
 
 But my ultimate opinion on the subject 
 was, that Government should have taken 
 the matter into their own hands, and never 
 have parted with the privilege of coining ; 
 for I could not discover that there \vas any 
 difference, in the principle of coining, be- 
 tween stamping with a copper-plate on paper 
 and with a die on gold. 
 
 As there was a frequent cry of money 
 being scarcer at one time than another, I 
 thought there must be some capricious ope- 
 ration at the ventricle from which it flowed. 
 Accordingly, my conclusion was, that much 
 of our embarrassment in money matters came 
 from the Bank being allowed to vary in the 
 amount of its issues ; and it appeared to me, 
 that in permitting this discretion in the 
 Bank, sufficient consideration was never 
 given to the power it had of extending or 
 contracting its issues ; or, in other words, of 
 
THE MEMBER. 
 
 201 
 
 
 enlarging or diminishing the amount of its 
 discounts. 
 
 But while I thought so, I was not so ob- 
 stinate in my opinion as to be very pugna- 
 cious; therefore, in all the arguments con- 
 cerning the Money Question, I uniformly 
 paired off. I never heard such fulness of 
 wisdom on the one side as to contradict the 
 theories of the other. But in this matter I 
 stood not alone ; nor will I allow that it was 
 a question which had any thing to do with 
 the principles of Government, though it has 
 been much made use of as such. 
 
202 THE MEMBER. 
 
 CHAPTER XXVII. 
 
 BUT although in this Parliament I was, as 
 I have stated, spared, in a measure, from the 
 distress of many applications, compared to 
 what I had been previously doomed to en- 
 dure, yet I was not altogether spared ; and 
 one of the few but these were enough 
 
 o 
 
 that gave me trouble, was rather more of a 
 private than of a parliamentary nature. 
 
 I have had occasion to mention a Mr. 
 Selby, and how, in my opinion, he was not 
 used well by the administration of the Go- 
 vernment towards him. There might be 
 faults on both sides, if things so unequal as 
 a single subject and a Government can be 
 supposed to stand in such relative com- 
 parison ; but, as it seemed in his case, I 
 must say, as a Government man, the chief 
 fault lay on our side, and I will always think 
 so ; for the war was waged between two un- 
 
THE MEMBER. 203 
 
 equal adversaries if war it can be called 
 the attacks of which, on the one side, con- 
 sisted only of earnest and humble petitions. 
 
 One night, after a very jangling debate, 
 of which I could make neither head nor tail, 
 and came away from sheer weariness of spi- 
 rit before it was ended, as I was leisurely 
 picking my steps along the plain stones up 
 Palace Yard, the Abbey clock boomed 
 twelve. It was a starry night ; the sounds 
 and buzz of the far-spreading city around 
 were sunk into a murmur, as soft as the 
 calm flowing tide on the sands of the sea- 
 shore; it was a beautiful night, and the 
 moon rode high and clear ; not a breath was 
 stirring, and the watchman, with his cry of 
 " past twelve o'clock," seemed as suitable to 
 the occasion as the drowsy effigy of a dream 
 going towards a weary politician's pillow. 
 
 I thought, coming out of the foul air of 
 the close House, that I had never seen such 
 a serene sweet night since I had left the 
 cool and hallowed shores of the Ganges : a 
 new sense, as it were, was opened in my 
 bosom, like the fresh spring which Moses 
 
204 THE MEMBER. 
 
 drew from the rock in the desert ; and I said 
 to myself, if I am becoming an older man, 
 surely it is also pleasing Heaven to make 
 me a better : and yet I was never much of a 
 saint, though, in a parliamentary sense, I 
 had an inclination for the pastures of these 
 innocent and pawky creatures. 
 
 Stepping thus along with easy paces to- 
 wards my lodgings in Manchester Buildings, 
 as I passed the steps from Cannon Row to 
 the back way that leads to the bridge, I 
 beheld, by the glimpses of the moon, a re- 
 markable young woman sitting there, with 
 several children about her. 
 
 At such an hour and time, this was a sight 
 that would have interested any man ; and it 
 found me in the season of my softness. 
 
 " Young woman/' said I, " what are you 
 doing at this time of night, with these chil- 
 dren, sitting in such a melancholy posture, 
 and in such an out-of-the-way place?" 
 
 Her head, at the time, was resting on her 
 knees, but on hearing me speak she looked 
 up, and her face was pale and shining, like 
 the moon in the heavens. 
 

 THE MEMBER. 205 
 
 " We are," replied she, " waiting." 
 
 " This is," quo' I, " a strange place to 
 wait. For whom are you waiting?" 
 
 She looked up again, and all the children 
 did so likewise, and then she said, " For 
 death !" and stooped down again, as if she 
 cared not what I thought of her sad an- 
 swer ; but all the children gave a very piti- 
 ful wail. 
 
 Really, thought I, this is a strange scene 
 to happen to a member coming from a de- 
 bate for the good of the nation ; and I was 
 greatly rebuked and confounded. 
 
 " My good young woman," said I, in 
 amazement, " what has put it into your 
 head to make me such a reply ?" 
 
 She looked up suddenly again for a mo- 
 ment, and said, " Want." 
 
 " Want ! my leddy, what do you want?" 
 
 '* Every thing, - -parents, shelter, food, 
 clothing, friends, every thing that makes 
 the curse or blessing of life." 
 
 This was said as one that was well edu- 
 cated, and it put me in a most disordered 
 
206 THE MEMBER. 
 
 state ; I could therefore do no less than ex- 
 claim, " My God ! what are you to do?" 
 
 At which she started up on her feet and 
 said, with a stern voice, " To die !" 
 
 The other children at this began to cry, 
 and she turned round and chided them, and 
 then said to me, 
 
 " Sir, we are a family in utter misery. I 
 have told you our condition we are starving : 
 can you help us ? will you ? if not, go away, 
 and disturb us not while we perish." 
 
 I was astonished, for she was but young 
 in her teens, though she spoke as dreadful 
 as a matron in years. What could I do but 
 relieve their immediate grief with what small 
 change I happened to have in my pocket? 
 and I told her to take the children with her 
 to where they had been sheltered the night 
 before, and come to me in the morning and 
 tell me her story. So I gave her my address, 
 and bade her only to make haste to a refuge 
 with her small sisters, and then bade them 
 good night. 
 
 I can never think of that mournful adven- 
 

 THE MEMBER 
 
 207 
 
 ture without a gruing of grief; for although 
 nocturnal sights of unsheltered folk are not 
 rare in Bengal, there is a mercifulness in 
 the temperate air that mitigates the tooth of 
 misery. Mankind suffer less, although their 
 afflictions be equal, when the climate with- 
 holds the anguish of the cold that exasper- 
 ates disease and starvation. 
 
208 THE MEMBER. 
 
 CHAPTER XXVIII. 
 
 I DID not pass that night with agreeable 
 dreams, and I rose betimes for breakfast, 
 with the discomfort of one that had suffered 
 unrest. I had no relish, in fact, for the meal, 
 and my Findhorn haddock was sent away 
 untasted. 
 
 Just as the table was cleared, and my 
 writing-desk placed before me, the young 
 woman was announced ; and having desired 
 her to be shewn into the room, I prepared 
 myself to hear a very deplorable story. I 
 had not, however, inquired more than her 
 name, which was Mary Selby, when a depu- 
 tation from the country, of three gentlemen, 
 was announced, respecting a new canal; I 
 was thereupon obliged to request Mary 
 Selby to retire for a little time, telling her 
 I would see her when the deputation was 
 gone. Accordingly, she rose to go out just 
 
THE MEMBER. 209 
 
 as the gentlemen came in, and I observed, 
 as she passed them, that she looked with a 
 very remarkable expression of countenance 
 at one of them, an elderly man with thin 
 haffits and a bald forehead, but said nothing. 
 
 This deputation was from a part of the 
 country of which I had no knowledge, and 
 in which neither friend nor acquaintance ; 
 but their spokesman said to me, that they 
 were under an obligation to intrude in con- 
 sequence of the great power that was exerted 
 against them. 
 
 I replied, " that they were very right in 
 the step they had taken; for I could not 
 see that any reason existed why a mem- 
 ber should not be canvassed for his vote 
 and interest, in turn, as well as either a 
 potwalloper or freeholder, or any other of 
 the elective gender ;" at the same time re- 
 marking, however, " that they ought to have 
 a clear explanation of their case, for ordi- 
 narily, on private bills, this was too little at- 
 tended to, the friends of the parties trusting 
 chiefly to the votes they could muster ; and 
 
 p 
 
210 THE MEMBER. 
 
 thus it came to pass, from less to more, that 
 we fell into a discourse concerning some of the 
 usages of Parliament, and the inattention of 
 Government to private bills, as if speculations 
 that altered the interests and face of the 
 country were things of no account." 
 
 Some of the remarks made by the gentle- 
 men on this head appeared to me at the 
 time very striking, and have continued to 
 stick by me since, particularly those of the 
 old man, at whom the young woman gazed 
 with surprise and wonder. He was, indeed, 
 a shrewd, solid, observing gentleman; and 
 one of his sayings I shall never forget. 
 
 " In truth/' said he, " it is a great defect 
 in our Government, that the plans of public 
 improvement are left entirely at the dis- 
 cretion of their projectors, who, if they be 
 plausible persons, soon find support enough, 
 by which works are undertaken that super- 
 sede others of more utility, and yet after- 
 wards prove great losses. No private bill, for 
 improvements of any sort, should be allowed 
 to go before the House of Commons until 
 

 THE MEMBER. 21 I 
 
 the importance of the improvement proposed 
 has been certified by a board or department 
 of Government." 
 
 I said to him "that he was very right ; 
 but it was thought that these things were 
 best left to the freedom and discretion of 
 those who were interested in them." 
 
 " I would, perhaps," said he, " leave a 
 good deal to that opinion ; but if the busi- 
 ness of government be the protection of 
 property, and I can see but little use for 
 it besides, surely it is a blameable negli- 
 gence to let the nation grow rife with public 
 projects without investigating their utility." 
 
 Soon after, the deputation went away; 
 but, in leaving the room, something appeared 
 to me in the behaviour of the old gentleman 
 that shewed, as I thought, a disposition on 
 his part to hold a private conversation with 
 me. Accordingly, I said that every morn- 
 ing I would be found at home about the 
 same hour, and if any of them had aught to 
 say to me I would be glad to see them. 
 
 I then desired the servant to shew in the 
 young woman, for I was fashed about her ; 
 
212 THE MEMBER. 
 
 but James replied to me that she was a 
 strange behaved girl ; " for," said he, " though 
 she is a beggar in rags, she's as proud as 
 Lucifer, and would rather stand in the pas- 
 sage than come down stairs." 
 
 " Very well, James," quo' I ; " I'll look to 
 that, and ye'll just send her in." 
 
 Accordingly, in she came ; but, instead of 
 the sedate sadness of her former demeanour, 
 I was surprised to see her weeping very bit- 
 terly, and yet with an air about her by com- 
 mon, insomuch that I was in a manner 
 constrained to say, " My good girl, you 
 see, business must be attended to ; and it 
 was not for disrespect to you that I gave a 
 preference to the gentlemen." 
 
 " I am well aware of that," she replied ; 
 " but in one of the gentlemen I discovered 
 an uncle, who could never imagine that I or 
 my mother's family were in such distress. 
 Thank Heaven ! I have been endowed with 
 fortitude enough to conceal myself from him 
 in the presence of those he was with." 
 
 This news startled me exceedingly ; and 
 her name recalling to my recollection that of 
 

 -THE MEMBER. 213 
 
 the gentleman for whom I had been formerly 
 so interested with Government, I inquired if 
 she knew any thing of him. 
 
 " Yes ; he was my father/' was the reply* 
 *' He is dead, and my mother is dead, and 
 every thing she left is gone and sold ; and 
 last night, had you not pitied us, perhaps 
 we had been this morning all no more : but 
 the sight of my uncle has revived my hope, 
 and the despair that was at my heart begins 
 to relent." 
 
 " Why did you not seek out your uncle?" 
 
 " We had not time, distress came upon us 
 so rapidly ; nor did we well know where to 
 find him." 
 
 After some further discourse, I agreed to 
 get her uncle's address in town, which was 
 done that same forenoon ; and he behaved 
 towards her like a worthy man, taking her 
 and her sisters under his care with a sympa- 
 thising heart. Two striplings that were 
 younger than her, and older than the little 
 girls, had gone upon the world to provide 
 for themselves, and some days elapsed be- 
 fore they were found. At last they were 
 
214 THE MEMBER. 
 
 rescued, and the whole family were removed 
 into the country. 
 
 It was in the course of this transaction 
 that he explained to me what he was moved to 
 say privately to myself on our first interview ; 
 and this was to tell me, that he had heard 
 his unfortunate brother mention my name 
 warmly, as one of the very few about the 
 House of Parliament that would listen long 
 enough to understand his grievous and pe- 
 culiar case. 
 
 This I was both proud and sorry to hear, 
 because, to give the devil his due, there is 
 not any wilful shutting of the ear about a 
 member of Parliament on either side ; and 
 it only requires a reason and method in 
 applying to them to get their good will, if 
 the matter you trouble them with will bear 
 sifting. So that out of this small adventure, 
 painful as it was, I reaped some good fruit, 
 for, besides the complacency which I en- 
 joyed at hearing how well pleased a most 
 unfortunate man was with me in a very 
 cruel predicament, I had the satisfaction to 
 discern that the course I pursued, of listen* 
 
THE MEMBER. 215 
 
 ing with patience even to strangers on pri- 
 vate bills, was judicious, and in salutary 
 accordance with what the Government na- 
 turally expects from members of the private 
 and domestic kind. 
 
216 THE MEMBER. 
 
 CHAPTER XXIX. 
 
 THE do-little Parliament, as I have always 
 considered that third one to have been with 
 respect to the nation, was however of some 
 effect to myself, inasmuch as in the course 
 of it, growing something more of a poli- 
 tician than previously, my attention was 
 directed to divers things of consequence, 
 which at first I did not perceive : as such, 
 not the least of these was our foreign affairs 
 and the Holy Alliance : the latter subject, I 
 never thought was rightly considered among 
 us. 
 
 We regarded that conjunction of monarchs 
 in too special a manner, as I thought ; for 
 somehow we took it into our heads that it 
 was an alliance of sovereigns against sub- 
 jects; whereas, if we had regarded it as an 
 alliance for the upholding of governments 
 as they are, with respect to one another, 
 

 THE MEMBER. 217 
 
 it would have drawn us to a wiser con- 
 clusion. 
 
 Before it was contrived governments had 
 no tribunal of appeal against the aggressions 
 of each other, but only arms ; and this, in 
 the existing state of knowledge, was but a 
 poor and barbarous alternative. There was, 
 however, no reason why the community of 
 governments or of kings should remain in 
 this base condition ; and whatever therefore 
 the artifices and craft of diplomaticians may 
 have turned the Alliance to, there was, un- 
 doubtedly, something wise and grand in the 
 first conception, of making the nations of the 
 world responsible to an earthly tribunal, like 
 individuals in private life to the courts of 
 law. 
 
 No doubt the French revolution had caused 
 the governments of the world to look with 
 apprehension on the internal movements of 
 nations ; but there was a wide difference 
 between upholding an established govern- 
 ment, and denying to it the power and pri- 
 vilege of conceding the reforms which its 
 people demanded. This distinction, how- 
 
218 THE MEMBER. 
 
 ever, I for one thought our politicians never 
 very accurately made ; at least, I never could 
 exactly see that the Holy. Alliance, which 
 took upon itself only the preservation of 
 peace, presumed to meddle with the inter- 
 nal affairs of nations, until the existing go- 
 vernment was in danger of overthrow, and 
 was unable to maintain itself. 
 
 This notion of mine was not, however, very 
 general among my friends, but I have ever 
 abided by it ; and will to the last of my days 
 remain persuaded, come what come may, that 
 it was a great improvement in the interna- 
 tional system of the world to make govern- 
 ments responsible to one another. War, as we 
 all have seen and experienced, is a dreadful 
 alternative, and too much of the machinery 
 of nations is contrived to render it at all 
 times easily undertaken ; as if the warlike 
 strength of a state constituted its chiefest 
 glory. 
 
 But as I am not writing political disqui- 
 sitions, I may as well no further advert to 
 the subject here, than to observe an effect 
 which the Alliance had among us, lead- 
 

 THE MEMBER. 219 
 
 ing to considerations that at one time it 
 would have been thought very strange to 
 have entertained. 
 
 Without being aware of the tendency of 
 what they said, those politicians who have 
 cried out so lustily against the principle of 
 the Holy Alliance, now see a very bad effect 
 of their conduct fast coming to a head. 
 They have sown distrust between subjects 
 and governments by their arguments en- 
 deavouring to shew that the governors have 
 interests apart from the governed ; and this 
 has weakened their reciprocal ties to such 
 a degree, that even the foundations of pro- 
 perty, the oldest and most consecrated of 
 temporal things, are now in a state of being 
 moved : the result who can tell ? In a word, 
 a wild and growing notion prevails that 
 governments, and all things pertaining to 
 them, are of less use than had been always 
 supposed ; a doctrine which, in the struggle 
 of asserting, the most civilised and refined 
 communities will be driven to the wall. 
 
 Before the time of this Parliament, ac- 
 cording to my reflections, the kingly portion 
 
220 THE MEMBER. 
 
 of the state was considered a -thing necessary 
 and indestructible, and whose utility it was 
 denying first principles to call in question ; 
 but, from some of the discussions alluded to, it 
 has ceased to be an undisputed thing, whether 
 in England there should be a monarchy, or 
 any other principle of government acknow- 
 ledged than the opinion of the present age. 
 By and by we shall see that this notion has 
 been extending itself, and that, in conse- 
 quence, many of those things which made 
 the grandeur of England, have been, by the 
 unconscious invidia of those whose lot in life 
 makes them of the lower orders, deteriorated 
 not only in veneration but utility. 
 
 However, it is of no consequence now to 
 state my opinion of the Holy Alliance, nor 
 to lament that so little use was made at the 
 time of the magnanimity in which it was con- 
 ceived. It was received in a mean and dis- 
 trustful spirit by the radical politicians, and 
 it was no more than. natural that the authors 
 should resent to the utmost the ill-humour 
 with which their gracious intentions were 
 even in this country repelled. In the House 
 
fTHE MEMBER. 221 
 
 of Commons, I very well recollect, that not 
 a few decent, gash, and elderly carles 
 laughed, forsooth, at the pious terms in 
 which the objects of the Alliance were ex- 
 pressed, and also a number of the juvenile 
 Machiavelli that infest the benches saw 
 nothing in it but the raw-heads and bloody- 
 bones of bastiles and tyranny. It is no 
 doubt true that the Holy Alliance had not 
 been long promulgated, till several of its 
 members drew back in the performance of 
 promises which they had made in times of 
 peril to their people; but little heed has 
 been given to the cause the fact only has 
 been recollected. Now, although I am free 
 
 * o 
 
 to confess, as we say in Parliament, that 
 this is a black fact, still I am not so 
 thoroughly versed in continental politics as 
 to be able to give it a downright condemna- 
 tion, because we soon saw, that what was 
 called the peace of Europe was but as ice 
 upon the surface of a lake, that was liable 
 to be tossed by a storm. In no other re- 
 spect, but as the outbreakings of a deep and 
 wide-spread disease, have I ever been able 
 
222 THE MEMBER. 
 
 to look on those Carbonari, and other dis- 
 contented eruptions, which, from time to 
 time, took place ; and which served to shew 
 that the rightful season for changes in the old 
 establishments of the governments of Europe 
 had not come to pass. There was not that 
 sane and wholesome understanding -existing 
 between rulers and people, without which 
 the attempt to improve is always dangerous. 
 And in consequence, for the life of me, as 
 an honest man, I never could see that the 
 kings and princes who promised constitu- 
 tional governments were to blame for with- 
 
 o 
 
 holding them, merely from feeling their 
 hands strengthened by joining themselves 
 together in an equitable league. 
 
THE MEMBER. 223 
 
 CHAPTER XXX. 
 
 MANY things in the midst of the do-little 
 disputations indicated to older members 
 that a change of some kind was coming 
 over the British Government; and it was 
 pointed out to me, by the late Sir Everard 
 Stubble, that there was more passion and 
 less firmness in the tone of public men to- 
 wards one another than he recollected in 
 better times. He was one of the stanch 
 Tories, and, probably, on that account more 
 sensitive to mutations than me ; at least so 
 it happened, that although he felt the chil- 
 ness of a coming shadow the shadow of 
 change, and spoke of it as a certainty, he 
 yet could not point out the reasons of his 
 belief. 
 
 I saw, however, that men spoke to one 
 another with less severity about reform, and 
 anent Catholic emancipation, than they had 
 
224 THE MEMBER. 
 
 done in times bygone ; indeed, many of the 
 lighter-minded, who look to a division of 
 the House of Commons as the settling of a 
 question, expressed a wish that the latter 
 business was determined, seeing that sooner 
 or later it must be given up. To say the 
 truth, I was not myself, as an independent 
 member, far from that opinion ; for when I 
 considered that a matter was so ripened by 
 many discussions as to carry the minds of 
 the majority out of doors, it was no longer 
 prudent to let it be delayed. 
 
 But I cannot say, that in acceding to this 
 notion my judgment just entirely approved 
 the expediency of granting full relief to the 
 Catholics ; for I could not shut my eyes to 
 the historical truth, that the church endow- 
 ments had once been theirs, and that their 
 priesthood had as good a right, from that 
 circumstance, to share, in proportion to their 
 numbers, the loaves and the fishes with our 
 own, both on this side of the water and in 
 Ireland. Thus, though in the subsequent 
 Parliament I did give my vote for the Ca- 
 tholic Relief Bill, still I have never ceased 
 
THE MEMBER. 225 
 
 to fear that I thereby assisted to open a 
 door for the admission of new troubles. But 
 while I say this, I would not retract that 
 vote, unless there was a clear visibility that 
 the human mind was going backward. It 
 was, however, a vote in obedience to the 
 signs of the times ; and I have never ceased 
 to lament the night on which public duty, 
 rather than private judgment, compelled me 
 to give it. 
 
 Had the great sacrifice which was then 
 made of the constitution of 1688 been fol- 
 lowed by the requisite measure of equalis- 
 ing, according to their numbers, the claims 
 of the Catholics and the Protestants on the 
 property of the church, I would have sub- 
 mitted with more contentment, even although 
 in doing so the pretensions of Dissenters to a 
 share of that property had been considered. 
 But when I saw nothing of the kind done, I 
 began to be afraid ; for in making Catholics 
 no better than Dissenters, we were stirring 
 up anew an enemy that it had taken both 
 time and trouble to lay ; and it only saddens 
 my heart and deepens my sorrow for the vote 
 
 Q 
 
226 THE MEMBER. 
 
 I gave, seeing that it has been followed 
 by no proposition to redress the grievance 
 which the necessity of giving it implied. 
 
 The more I reflect on this measure, wise 
 in its object, but abortive in the hopes it 
 promised, the more am I satisfied, that the 
 great predominant party in the State, which 
 had so long held the reins of government, 
 was at the end of its stage. I could dis- 
 cern that there was not, as formerly, that 
 true stubborn adherence to Government 
 which characterised its old supporters; 
 and that there was, in fact, many among 
 them with anchor a-trip, ready to join the 
 other squadron. Altogether, my reflections 
 on the Catholic emancipation gave me no 
 pleasure : not that I find fault with the 
 measure itself, for that was carried in a 
 high and masterly manner ; but because, 
 after it was done, nothing else followed, 
 but only those evils which the adversaries 
 of granting the relief predicated evils 
 which are full rapidly kithing. But to re- 
 turn. Although the issue of the Catholic 
 question was seen to be inevitable, during 
 
THE MEMBER. 227 
 
 the Parliament that I will never cease to 
 describe as the do-little, other things that 
 greatly shattered the consistency of the 
 Tories. 
 
 From time out of mind there had been 
 certain rules and laws for the regulation 
 of shipping and commerce, which we, of 
 our party, had all along maintained were 
 essential to the support of our national su- 
 periority. They were made expressly for 
 that object; and the greatest talents which 
 our statesmen ever displayed, were exerted 
 in vindicating those ancient national mea- 
 sures. It was, therefore, a dreadful shock 
 to our affections when we heard the merits 
 of them condemned. I am really not sure 
 that this did not do more to dissolve the 
 Tory adherency than even that laxity of 
 constitutional principle which afterwards led 
 to the measure of the Catholic Relief Bill. 
 
 No doubt, in the abstract, there was much 
 truth in the reasons urged for the alteration, 
 considering the facility which the then state 
 of the world afforded ; but the difference of 
 condition between us and foreign countries 
 
228 THE MEMBER. 
 
 was not considered with that fulness it ought 
 to have been. Theoretical principle was 
 more consulted than practice, and the result 
 was, at least to many of us, doubtful. I 
 therefore look upon the free-trade doctrine, 
 and the doctrine upon which the Catholic 
 relief was founded, viz. that all mankind 
 had natural rights in society, as truths of 
 the same science, but as such liable to be 
 regulated by expediency. 
 
 In all this it was plain to me, as well as 
 to others, that the Whig party was strength- 
 ened in the House, by an accession of those 
 who called themselves Liberals going over 
 from our side to them, not in a palpable 
 body ; and that the Tories were losing 
 strength and numbers. A third party, mon- 
 grel Whigs, was forming. 
 
 This state of things was very puzzling to 
 me, especially as the retrenchment, of which 
 old Sir John Bulky had given me notice, 
 was duly lopping off the means that I had 
 looked to for my share of patronage one 
 of the principal inducements which led me 
 originally to think it advisable to go into 
 
THE MEMBER. 229 
 
 Parliament. In short, it seemed to me that 
 Government was unconsciously weakening; 
 itself on all hands, and that the lofty pile of 
 our monarchy was sustaining, by our con- 
 tempt for old experience, and the substitu- 
 tion of new theories for ancient customs, 
 some detriment, that might go hard in time 
 
 ' O O 
 
 with its very existence. 
 
230 THE MEMBER. 
 
 CHAPTER XXXI. 
 
 THE corn-laws, although it cannot be said 
 that any new light has been thrown upon 
 them in the course of my parliamentary life, 
 have yet occupied no small share, during it, 
 both of public and of private attention. Re- 
 specting them I never have considered my- 
 self as very competent to judge ; for when I 
 bought my estate of the Girlands, I knew 
 that I had paid for it what is called a high 
 war-price, and that it was only by future 
 improvements I could ever expect to make it 
 a profitable investment ; in so far, therefore, 
 I could take a free and common-sense view 
 of the matter. 
 
 The ordinary argument among the country 
 gentlemen, as it struck me, was, that the 
 produce of the soil was as justly entitled 
 to protection as the produce of the loom, 
 or any other manufacture. This seemed a 
 
THE MEMBER. 231 
 
 very fair statement; for if we prohibited, 
 in any degree, by duties or regulations, 
 the importation of raiment, and articles 
 of that sort, there could be no injustice in 
 doing as much towards food, which was not 
 more necessary. 
 
 The operatives, however, who, without 
 disparagement, may be said to cherish a 
 selfish feeling on every question in which 
 their own interests are concerned, have uni- 
 formly taken a very different view of the 
 subject. Nothing would, to them, be more 
 satisfactory than an entire prohibition of all 
 foreign articles similar to those of their own 
 manipulation ; yet they cry out, as if they 
 were the victims of gross legislative partiality, 
 at every step which the farmer takes to in- 
 sure a protecting price for the produce of 
 the soil and his labour. 
 
 The question, stated thus, seems reason- 
 able, and ought to lead both parties to a 
 right understanding; but it does not do so, 
 and there does exist, in consequence, a very 
 unfair and unjust opinion among the opera- 
 tives against the agricultural interest. 
 
232 THE MEMBER. 
 
 How the difference between them is ever 
 to be reconciled, is a knotty point of policy, 
 and much have I reflected upon the subject, 
 evening and morning, and midtime of day 
 yea, even in the watches of the night. But 
 the o'ercome of my meditations has ever 
 been, that the spirit of the times runs strong 
 and unjustly against the lords and traders 
 whose business is with the soil ; and the con- 
 clusion to which I have corne is now a part 
 of my parliamentary creed, namely, that a 
 judicious legislature should only endeavour 
 to regulate the trade in corn, and that the 
 abolition of the laws against the importation 
 of foreign corn should be according to the 
 traffic which foreign countries hold with us 
 for our manufactures. 
 
 A plan of this sort, however, will not 
 satisfy the operatives, who, in their one-eyed 
 view of commerce, imagine that a different 
 law should regulate the trade in earth or 
 grain from that which regulates it in silk or 
 cotton : and upon this subject I have had 
 several solid conversations with friends and 
 neighbours merchants, manufacturers, and 
 
THE MEMBER. 233 
 
 country gentlemen without acquiring much 
 instruction from them. 
 
 It appears to me that there is a disposition 
 of a general kind existing in the public, to 
 regard the produce of the soil as something 
 foreign from other descriptions of produce. 
 The operatives think they have a right to 
 exchange the productions of their art for 
 things which they cannot produce ; and 
 that if they can find food cheaper by send- 
 ing their articles for it abroad, they have a 
 right to do so, and that nothing but a 
 usurpation on the part of the country gen- 
 tlemen prevents them. This is surely not 
 sound, for the manufacturer the collective 
 representative of the operatives cannot do 
 without the merchant ; and he it is who re- 
 gulates the markets, and who considers corn 
 a merchandise as much as any of the other 
 stuffs and manufactures in which he deals. 
 i Though it may serve the merchant's turn, 
 were there no corn laws, to bring at times 
 the cheaper corn of foreign countries into 
 our markets, it behoves the operatives to 
 consider by what means this is to be done. 
 
234 THE MEMBER. 
 
 If he can bring, for a given quantity of their 
 productions, a greater quantity of foreign corn 
 than the same things would procure of home 
 growth, then the argument of the operatives 
 would so far be correct ; but, if instead of 
 sending our manufactures abroad to obtain 
 corn in return, he is obliged to send money, 
 look at what would be in the end the effect 
 to the operatives? Would not the money 
 thus sent be taken from the capital of the 
 kingdom, and would not that capital so 
 diminished lessen the means of employing 
 the operatives, and thus bring round to 
 them an evil as great as the difference of 
 price between what they pay for corn 
 brought in under regulations, and what 
 they would pay were the trade free in that 
 article. 
 
 But I will say no more on this head. 
 All I intended by stating it was, to shew 
 with what views I have been actuated in 
 the different votes which I have given on 
 this abstruse question. I cannot, however, 
 restrain my indignant pen from noticing, 
 with the strongest expressions of reproba- 
 
THE MEMBER. 235 
 
 tion, those bad and ignorant men who go 
 about the country stirring up strife and 
 opposition between the two great interests 
 into which the nation is naturally divided 
 the landed and manufacturing. It is to 
 men of common understandings so plain 
 that these interests are inseparable, that it 
 seems scarcely inferior to a species of trea- 
 son to make any sort of distinction between 
 them ; and yet how widely and wildly has 
 this been done, and how strenuously have 
 the malignant advocates of a free trade in 
 corn deceived the operatives, and taught 
 them, disastrously, to think, that a great, 
 populous, and enlightened nation can have 
 any reluctance to adapt its code of corn or 
 of commercial law to any but right ex- 
 pedients ? 
 
236 THE MEMBER. 
 
 CHAPTER XXXII. 
 
 i 
 
 WHILST this change and enlargement of 
 my mind was going on, his Majesty King 
 George IV., that gorgeous dowager, departed 
 this life ; an event of a serious kind to me, 
 and to those with whom I acted ; for although 
 our grief on the occasion was not of a very 
 acute and lachrymose description, it was 
 nevertheless heartfelt ; for he stood in our 
 opinion as the last of the regal kings, that 
 old renowned race, who ruled with a will 
 of their own, and were surrounded with 
 worshippers. 
 
 " Never more," said I, " shall we have a 
 monarch that will think his own will equi- 
 valent to law. His successors hereafter will 
 only endeavour to think agreeably to their 
 subjects ; but the race of independent kings 
 is gone for ever." In a word, the tidings of 
 his death, though for some time expected, 
 
THE MEMBER. 237 
 
 really smote me as a sudden and extra- 
 ordinary event. Had I heard that the lions 
 had become extinct on the face of the earth, 
 I could not have been more filled, for a sea- 
 son, with wonder and a kind of sorrow. 
 
 The most important upshot to myself, 
 however, of this demise of the crown, was 
 the dissolution of Parliament ; for the King's 
 illness had allowed time, if it had been 
 made use of, to undermine my interest at 
 Frailtown ; but, by some strange cause, no 
 effort of that kind was made. I and Lord 
 Billdam were hand and glove ; for my po- 
 litics, though I adhered to the Duke's party, 
 were not greatly adverse to his lordship's ; 
 and the pruning of the Government patron- 
 age left but little on that score to differ 
 about. I think it was owing to this cordi- 
 ality between me and his lordship, that the 
 election at Frailtown went off so smoothly ; 
 for, no doubt, had Lord Dilldam put his 
 shoulder to the wheel against me, I would 
 have had a heavy pull ; for, to say the truth, 
 his lordship was much beloved in that 
 quarter ; and although he was not a man 
 
238 THE MEMBER. 
 
 that could be esteemed for talent, he was the 
 best of masters and of landlords, and took 
 sincere pleasure in putting himself on a 
 pleasant footing with his tenantry and the 
 inhabitants of the town. He was, indeed, one 
 of those weak good men who so conduct 
 themselves as to render the possession of 
 great wisdom and ability of doubtful value. 
 
 I did not, however, in my own secret 
 mind, relish the perfect smoothness with 
 which I was returned for Fraiitown. It 
 seemed to me, that with a new king, and 
 with such signs in the times as were then 
 palpable, it was not a thing to be trusted, 
 but, on the contrary, was very ominous, be- 
 tokening rather an unripeness of purpose 
 among the inhabitants than a party hesi- 
 tation. 
 
 For some time it was well known that the 
 growth of radicalism was spreading, and 
 that the people were gone a degree beyond 
 Whiggery in the malady. Now, I was a 
 moderate Tory, that is to say, one who, 
 when he saw repair or amendment neces- 
 sary, would not object to the same, espe- 
 
THE MEMBER. 239 
 
 cially when the alteration was recommended 
 by Government j and Lord Dilldam's politics 
 were of the same colour, but a shade deeper. 
 This I well knew, and could not but think 
 that it was very odd how our united in- 
 terests, which were so opposite to the con- 
 ceits of the populace, were not resisted. 
 And when I me this lordship in town, after 
 the election, I spoke to him concerning the 
 same. 
 
 " My Lord," quo' I, " what is your 
 opinion of the lull that now prevails at 
 Frailtown ; I fear it augurs no good to 
 your lordship's influence, and as little to the 
 permanency of mine." 
 
 " My dear Mr. Jobbry," was his answer, 
 " you never were more out in your conjec- 
 tures. The good people of Frailtown do not 
 see where they could find a better member 
 than yourself; and having an idea that I 
 am of the same opinion, which, without 
 compliment, I frankly acknowledge, they 
 are content to leave the care of their poli- 
 tical interests in our hands." 
 
 " I wish your lordship may be correct," 
 
240 THE MEMBER. 
 
 was my dubious reply ; " but, throughout 
 the land, there is an unwholesome crave 
 for something or another; and I have my 
 apprehensions that Frailtown has not es- 
 caped the infection. In truth, my lord, I 
 jalouse that the inhabitants are no longer 
 content with the power of election remain- 
 ing, under the old charter, in the corpora- 
 tion." 
 
 " What reason," said his lordship, after a 
 pause of thoughtfulness, " have you for that 
 opinion ? It is, however, not to me alarm- 
 ing," he added ; " for though the elections 
 were thrown open to the general burgesses, 
 it would make but little difference, rny fa- 
 mily having been so long popular and well 
 beloved among; the inhabitants." 
 
 o 
 
 I was very sorry to hear his lordship, 
 worthy man ! speaking in such delusion ; 
 but I had not the heart to break his dream 
 of complacency. I saw, however, that my 
 own reign in Frailtown was coming to a 
 conclusion, notwithstanding the calm that 
 then seemed to smile upon it. I therefore 
 began to debate with myself, whether I 
 
THE MEMBER. 241 
 
 ought not to dispose of my seat in a rea- 
 sonable time; but the sort of attachment 
 that I had taken to the House, and the 
 rational amusement that was now and then 
 to be obtained there, when discreet men 
 spoke of the affairs of the nation, had its 
 weight upon me, and I came to no deter- 
 mination. 
 
 There was, indeed, an interest arising from 
 the state of the country that had its effect 
 upon me ; and I had a kind of a longing to 
 wait till it would come to some result. This, 
 no doubt, was partly owing to the stramash 
 that had taken place at Paris, which had 
 made the cocks and leaders of the radicals 
 among ourselves crouse and bold. At the 
 same time, I was not without a sense of ap- 
 prehension concerning the Duke's govern- 
 ment, his grace having declared himself so 
 stubbornly devoted to the existing frame of 
 our constitution. That speech I ever re- 
 garded as a declaration of war against the 
 radicals ; but I had such confidence in him, 
 that while he found himself able to stand in 
 the stronghold of office, I had no fear; still, 
 
 R 
 
242 THE MEMBER. 
 
 I ought not to disguise the fact, that all 
 things in the country, at the meeting of 
 the new Parliament, looked in a very griev- 
 ous condition ; and I did not think the 
 Duke stood upon a rock, the more espe- 
 cially as his ministerial forces were not 
 armed with weapons to contend with those 
 who had gained the ears of the people 
 against them, nor were they prepared with 
 the measures requisite to quench the Irish 
 kind of misrule that was raging in different 
 parts of the kingdom. All things, indeed, 
 had a very bad aspect ; but still I was 
 not so strongly minded to quit my public 
 post, as perhaps a man of more prudence 
 would have been. In this crisis I got a 
 severe lesson. 
 
THE MEMBER. 243 
 
 CHAPTER XXXIII. 
 
 ONE Friday night, or rather Saturday morn- 
 ing, after a husky debate, Mr. Boldero Blount 
 invited me to go down with him, next day, 
 to his country seat. Says he to me, " I 
 have had a letter from my wife, telling me 
 that she is very uneasy on account of the 
 state which she hears the country is in ; 
 not that any thing has yet happened, but 
 rumours are going about which make her 
 very unhappy ; so I have resolved to go 
 down to-morrow, and to return on Tues- 
 day ; and would be glad if you would take 
 a corner in my post-chaise, especially as no 
 particular business is coming on." 
 
 I accepted Mr. Blount's offer ; saying, at 
 the same time, " that I had heard very un- 
 comfortable tidings from his part of the 
 country; and nothing would give me more 
 
244 THE MEMBER. 
 
 satisfaction than to see with my own eyes, 
 and hear with my own ears, the truth and 
 circumstance of the matters reported. 
 
 Accordingly, early in the afternoon we 
 set off for his place, and arrived in time 
 for a late but very excellent dinner ; after 
 which, to be sure, Mrs. Blount gave us a 
 sore account of the state of the laborous 
 peasantry in the neighbourhood. 
 
 " They have not," said she, " broken out 
 into any outrage as yet ; but they hold 
 meetings in bands in the evening, and think 
 the scarcity of work is all owing to the tithes 
 and the high rents, which their employers 
 the farmers pay, in addition to their share 
 of the taxes." 
 
 This, as it seemed, was a brief and clear 
 account of the discontent; and we had all 
 the servants about the house brought in one 
 by one, and examined on the subject anent 
 such particulars as they had severally heard. 
 
 When this was done, Mr. Blount, who 
 was an off-hand man, and went at once to 
 the marrow of most things, said, 
 
THE MEMBER. 245 
 
 " This notion of the peasantry is plainly 
 a thing ingrafted upon them, and not of 
 their own induction." 
 
 V 
 
 I thought so too ; but I said to him, 
 
 " It is, however, not the time now to 
 inquire from what airt this wind comes, but 
 to think of sheltering ourselves from the 
 blast. To-morrow is the Sabbath day ; the 
 country folks and farmers will be at the 
 church : let us both cast ourselves familiarly 
 among them, and reason with them." 
 
 The which Mr. Blount most cordially ap- 
 proved of; and then, as we sat over our 
 wine, we discoursed more anent the growth 
 of the new doctrine concerning rent. 
 
 " It rises," said Mr. Blount, " from that 
 sound that has been echoing through the 
 kingdom for a long time about the burden 
 of our taxes." 
 
 " No doubt of it," replied I; " but the 
 weight of taxes is comparative with the 
 means of payment, and there must be some- 
 thing very strange in the condition of our 
 nation which makes us now, when we are 
 relieved from the expenses of the war, less 
 
246 THE MEMBER. 
 
 able than when under them to bear the 
 public burdens." 
 
 " That is the puzzle, Mr. Jobbry : what 
 can it be? for no truth can be more self- 
 evident than that there has been a with- 
 drawing from us of some secret thing that 
 must have counteracted the burdens of the 
 war. Have you any notion what it can be ?" 
 
 " It can be no small matter, Mr. Blount, 
 since it is equivalent in effect to millions on 
 millions of pounds sterling. In my opinion, 
 it can have been no less than a great sum 
 subtracted from the money among hands, 
 or what the political economists call a con- 
 traction of the circulating medium." 
 
 " By Jove !" cried Mr. Blount, "you have 
 hit the nail on the head. The Bank has 
 contracted its issues to a vast amount, equal 
 to much of the reduced taxation ; the country 
 bankers are like shelled peascods, not a 
 tithe in their notes to what they were : no 
 bills are circulating for the munitions of 
 war. Upon my word, Mr. Jobbry, I do think 
 that all our evils arise from our contracted 
 circulation. But, although this be the root 
 
THE MEMBER. 247 
 
 of the evil, what are we to do to get these 
 crotchets out of the minds of the deluded 
 commonalty ? ' 
 
 " That's a heavy question, and I fear can- 
 not be answered, even by looking at those 
 who have an interest in promoting the dis- 
 content." 
 
 " Ay i who are these ? not the poor, simple 
 people, they are but the instruments : for 
 though tithes and taxes were all abolished 
 to-morrow, they would get no more than 
 their hire, and that hire would bring them 
 no more than a subsistence. It is the rule 
 of Providence and Nature that it should be 
 so, and so it must continue until machinery 
 comes to the head that the perfectibilians 
 dream of, as to abridge in all things the 
 labour of man." 
 
 " If it's not the common people," quo* I, 
 " it cannot be the landlords, nor can it be 
 the priesthood ; for the rent of the one is not 
 better founded than the tithes of the other. 
 If the tithes were taken off, the landlord 
 would increase his rent, and what would the 
 public benefit by such a change?" 
 
248 THE MEMBER. 
 
 " That is not the radical doctrine/' replied 
 Mr. Blount : " they don't want to take off 
 the tithes altogether, but to apply them in 
 mitigation of the taxes, and to let the 
 churchmen make a living for themselves in 
 the best manner they can." 
 
 " It may be so, Mr. Blount ; but I doubt 
 the country rioters do not consider the 
 matter so finely. Now I'm going to say a 
 harsh thing; but don't get angry if you 
 differ from me." 
 
 " Well, let's hear it." 
 
 (t You see, my good friend, that the farmers 
 are the only parties that really could expect 
 to profit by the abolition of tithes and the 
 reduction of rents." 
 
 " Surely, Mr. Jobbry, you would not 
 insinuate that the farmers are the authors 
 of these outrages which so disgrace the 
 country ?" 
 
 " That is another question, Mr. Blount; 
 but I mean to say, that they are interested 
 in propagating the opinions by which the 
 labourers are misled ; and we must not dis- 
 guise it from ourselves, that there begins to 
 
THE MEMBER. 249 
 
 be a very dangerous opinion hearkened to in 
 the world, namely, that both landlords and 
 an established priesthood are not necessary." 
 
 " That notion is indeed very tremendous; 
 it strikes at the root of property : no man 
 under it could have any thing that he might 
 call his own." 
 
 " I do not, Mr. Blount, at all think that 
 the opinion is sound ; but it is an opinion 
 that is spreading abroad, a disease, a moral 
 cholera, if you please ; but if all things are 
 to be measured by utility, or, in other words, 
 by their money value, what is to become of 
 the world ? In short, Mr. Blount, it's my 
 notion, that some of our cleverest men, and 
 those too in the highest places, have been 
 overly eager in propagating what may be 
 called abstract theoretical truths ; and that 
 the modification which is requisite in prac- 
 tice to fit them for men's different humours 
 and characters has been too little attended 
 to. We want men who understand the 
 tendency of the current to stem it boldly ; 
 for there is a hurry in the course of men's 
 
250 THE MEMBER. 
 
 thoughts that cannot be checked too soon 
 or too steadily." 
 
 Just as we were thus speaking, Mrs. 
 Blount, who had for some time before re- 
 tired, came flying into the room, saying that 
 the light of three distant conflagrations was 
 then visible, and that farmer Haselhurst's 
 stack-yard was in flames, and a great crowd 
 around it huzzaing and rioting. 
 
 This made us gather to our feet ; but the 
 particulars require another chapter. 
 
THE MEMBER. 251 
 
 CHAPTER XXXIV. 
 
 THE house of Elmpark, as the country-seat 
 of Mr. Boldero Blount was called, stood on a 
 rising ground, and in daylight commanded 
 a beautiful prospect down a long valley, in 
 the bottom of which winded a broad and 
 bright stream. Several villages, with trees and 
 steeples, were seen on the sides of the valley, 
 and far down the river was a mill with a 
 bridge across ; making a picture that was 
 most delightful to contemplate in the morn- 
 ing or the evening, when the sun was shining. 
 But on that night, when we sallied out in 
 front of the house, it presented another 
 sight. The darkness was clouded, and only 
 a few stars could here and there be seen; 
 but the distance was dismal. On the east, a 
 wide and red glare was burning, it cast no 
 light in a manner upon any object, which 
 made it very dreadful to behold ; nearer, 
 
252 THE MEMBER. 
 
 and in the south, there was another fire, the 
 flames of which, licking the veiy clouds,, 
 could be distinctly seen, and black gables 
 among them ; and there was a window in 
 one of the gables that shone like a star, but 
 whether from a light within, or the reflec- 
 tion, nobody among us could tell. At a 
 short distance from this great conflagration, 
 we saw another farm-steading all in a blaze, 
 which, although not so considerable, was 
 yet very terrible to see ; but the worst of all 
 the spectacle was, the farm of Mr. Hasel- 
 hurst. It was less than two miles off, and 
 the fire was very vehement : every thing in 
 and about his farm-yard was distinct, and we 
 saw the black figures of the crowd moving 
 to and fro in terrible shapes around it. One 
 of the mob I could clearly see, with my own 
 eyes, whirling a cart-wheel into the midst 
 of the burning, and Mrs. Blount saw like- 
 wise another fling a ladder upon the flames. 
 It was an awful sight. 
 
 Mr. Blount was very calm and collected ; 
 and he said to his servants, and some labour- 
 ing men that had come round the house, 
 
THE MEMBER. 253 
 
 " Friends, these rioters will be here ; but, 
 if you are true men, they shall not burn us 
 out both with ease and honour. Get ready 
 the guns, and shut up the lower windows as 
 well as you can, and prepare to receive them 
 at those of the drawing-room floor." 
 
 On his saying this, all the servants and 
 labourers declared their readiness to defend 
 the house; which, on hearing, I said to Mr. 
 Blount, " that as I was a stranger and un- 
 known, I would just walk down to Mr. 
 Haselhurst's farm, and see what the mad 
 criminals were really about, if there was any 
 body that he could spare to shew me the 
 road." 
 
 To this proposition Mr. Blount readily 
 acceded ; and, with one of his gardener's 
 sons, a hobbletehoy of a laddie about four- 
 teen, I walked towards the scene of destruc- 
 tion. I never, however, reached it ; for 
 when we were yet less than a quarter of a 
 mile from the place, we met the crowd run- 
 ning and scattered, pursued by a whirlwind 
 of dragoons, and a cloud of the county ma- 
 
254 THE MEMBER. 
 
 gistrates and gentlemen blowing at their 
 heels. 
 
 Me and the laddie who was my guide 
 stood up at a field-gate, to let the uproar 
 pass, when, to my consternation, before I 
 could open my mouth, a fat justice of the 
 peace seized me, like a bull-dog, by the 
 throat ; and at the same time one of the 
 dragoons struck the boy with the flat of his 
 sword down into the ditch. 
 
 t( Friends ! in the name of peace and the 
 king, what are you about? Unhand me!" 
 cried I. 
 
 By this time the main body had ridden on, 
 and I was left, with the poor greeting laddie, 
 in the hands of the Philistines. 
 
 " Let me be/' said I to the fat magistrate ; 
 " let us both be : we are innocent people." 
 
 " We shall see to that," cried a young 
 man ; and with that he caused a groom to 
 come with a whip-cord and bind our hands 
 behind our backs, in spite of all that I could 
 say in remonstrance; and when I told my 
 name, and that I was a Member of Parlia- 
 
THE MEMBER. 255 
 
 ment, they only tightened the cords, and 
 caused me and my poor terrified guide to 
 walk towards a turnpike-house, where they 
 obliged us to mount into a cart. My heart 
 was roasting with indignation ; and the 
 more I said to them the less would they 
 hear. At last, we reached the borough- 
 town, where they intended to put us in 
 jail. The whole town was in commo- 
 tion : women crying, and running dishe- 
 velled to and fro, and candles were at the 
 windows. 
 
 When the cart stopped before the door 
 of the Talbooth, seeing that no attention 
 was paid to what I said to my conductors, 
 I called quietly to a young man in the 
 crowd hard by, and requested him to go 
 to the mayor of the town, and tell him 
 who I was, and that in their frenzy they 
 had, by mistake, made a prisoner of me. 
 
 The young man was in the greatest con- 
 sternation at hearing this : with nimble heels 
 he went to the mayor ; and presently a 
 great hur got up, candles were brought, 
 and much ado was made to lift me and 
 
256 THE MEMBER. 
 
 the gardener's son out of the cart. But 
 although everybody around said, any one 
 without an eye in his head might have 
 seen it was not probable that we were 
 of the rioters, still the fat justice of the 
 peace that took me so unmannerly and 
 suddenly by the throat, maintained that 
 I was only an impostor, and that I was 
 no other than the old fellow Swing, that 
 drove about the country in a gig with a 
 gray horse, with combustibles, stirring the 
 peasantry into rebellion. 
 
 Really, my corruption rose against that 
 man ; and if something had not restrained 
 my arm, I would have cloven his skull with 
 one of the council-room brass candlesticks*; 
 but a gentleman who was there pacified me, 
 and said to the others that he would be re- 
 sponsible for the truth of my story. This 
 served to moderate my wrath ; but it was not 
 till an express was sent for Mr. Boldero 
 Blount, and he was brought there present at 
 the midnight hour, that they were satisfied. 
 
 It is very true that Mr. Blount and me 
 have many times since had a hearty laugh 
 
THE MEMBER. 257 
 
 at the adventure : but I have often thought 
 that the mistake with regard to me was a 
 sample of real doings elsewhere ; for I could 
 observe, that more than one of the magis- 
 trates had but little command of his senses, 
 and that even if I had been a guilty one, 
 caught, as was thought, in the fact, there 
 would have been no injustice in handling 
 me with a little more consideration. 
 
 However, my case was but as a drop in 
 the bucket compared with the calamities 
 which began that night ; and, to say the 
 least, it would have been more creditable to 
 the justices if, instead of watching till the 
 nocturnal hours, and then scouring the coun- 
 try with dragoons before them wherever they 
 saw a light, they had soberly, in daylight, 
 set themselves in council, and considered the 
 complaints of the people. My friend, Mr. 
 Blount, in his straightforward way, was an 
 exception. He inquired into the matter, 
 and even, where need was, gave help, though 
 that was not often required ; and, in conse- 
 quence, both his own premises and his farms 
 sustained no damage. 
 
 s 
 
258 THE MEMBER. 
 
 CHAPTER XXXV. 
 
 IN consequence of these terrible hobble- 
 shaws we did not return to London so soon 
 as we intended ; for Mr. Blount judiciously 
 thought that the matter should be inquired 
 into, and I thought the same thing. Ac- 
 cordingly, we spent several days on this 
 business. 
 
 He caused the principal farmers around 
 to be invited to his house, and several decent 
 old gaffers from the neighbouring villages, 
 together with a Mr. Diphthong, who was a 
 schoolmaster, well known in that part of 
 the country to have much to say with the 
 common people, being a young man of parts, 
 and both for learning and capacity above 
 many in his line. 
 
 These guests we sifted with a scrutinising 
 spirit; and it was very lamentable to hear 
 how far the judgment of some of them had 
 
THE MEMBER. 259 
 
 gone astray : indeed, it is not saying too 
 much to assert, that, with the exception of 
 Mr. Diphthong, who really was a clever lad, 
 scarcely one of them had a mouthful of com- 
 mon sense, the which made me jalcuse that 
 some of them were nigh at hand during the 
 burnings. 
 
 However, though it was a task of some 
 difficulty, we made out pretty plainly that the 
 rioters were not instigated by want, which was 
 most distressing to ascertain; for if they had, 
 then there would have been some palliation for 
 their mad conduct. Nor were they altogether 
 set on by the spirit of revenge for wrongs 
 or hardships they had sustained ; but only 
 out of a mistaken notion, that by so shewing 
 themselves they would force on a reforma- 
 tion of the national abuses, as they con- 
 sidered them, not only in tithes and rents, 
 but taxes and poor-rates. Against the latter, 
 in particular, our informers said all the lower 
 orders were just vicious. 
 
 It was not easy to see how a remedy 
 could be applied to such a sweeping com- 
 plaint. For my part, I was greatly dumb- 
 
260 THE MEMBER. 
 
 * 
 
 foundered, and Mr. Blount was no better; 
 it being very manifest, that at the bottom 
 of these opinions of the common people 
 lay no less than a notion, that somehow, by 
 the removal of oppressions, every labourer 
 would live like a gentleman. Some, no 
 doubt, knew better ; and of them it may be 
 said, that they only blew the coals to a cer- 
 tain degree, thereby hoping to achieve some 
 mitigation of the public burdens. 
 
 One remark made by Mr. Diphthong, how- 
 ever, on the poor-rates, struck both me and 
 Mr. Blount as very uncommon. 
 
 " Much/' said he, " of this unhappy state 
 of the country lies in a mere name ; and 
 were a little pains taken to place the matter 
 in a proper light and ministration, a great 
 deal of the discontent among the rural po- 
 pulation would be appeased. There has 
 grown up," he continued, " a disposition 
 to consider all those as paupers who are 
 employed by the parishes, as well as those 
 who are assisted with alms by the parishes. 
 This should be rectified." 
 
THE MEMBER. 261 
 
 Mr. Blount, evidently surprised to hear 
 him say so, inquired what he meant. 
 
 " I mean," was his reply, " that the 
 money raised to mend the parish roads, and 
 to do other parish work, ought not to be 
 included in the poor-rates ; for where the 
 parish gets work done in return for employ- 
 ing the labourers when work is scarce, it 
 ought not to be considered that the wages 
 of these labourers are alms. It would be 
 just as equitable to call the bricklayers 
 who are now building the new church 
 paupers, as those poor men who are break- 
 ing stones for the improvement of the high- 
 ways. And thus it is that I say the error 
 is in a name. Why not call the fund that 
 is made use of for parish improvements the 
 labour fund, and keep it distinct from the 
 poor-rates ? Were this done, certain am I, 
 from what I have observed in our own 
 parish, there would not be found any such 
 increase of pauperism, as it has been of late 
 years so much the fashion to enlarge upon. 
 Indeed, I am so well convinced of this, that 
 I do not believe the real poor-rates are at 
 
262 THE MEMBER. 
 
 this time so great as they were at the be- 
 ginning of King George the Third's reign, 
 if the increase of population be considered 
 I mean the amount paid to the aged and 
 infirm, for whom alone they are raised." 
 
 " I doubt," replied Mr. Blount, " you are 
 making a distinction without a reason. It 
 is employment that is wanted, and what 
 signifies it whether the man that stands 
 in need of employment be employed by the 
 parish or gets alms." 
 
 " A wide difference, Mr. Blount. What the 
 labourer gets for his labour is his own he 
 has earned it with the sweat of his brow 
 but alms are humbling; and no man likes 
 to be an object of pity." 
 
 I said, " that I thought the observation 
 very sensible ; but still I did not very clearly 
 see how to take work for alms differed 
 from giving them for God's sake." 
 
 " No ?" replied Mr. Diphthong : " do not 
 the paupers, to use an ignominious term, 
 work on the roads to make them smoother ? 
 Compare the country roads of England with 
 what they were only a few years ago, and 
 
THE MEMBER. 263 
 
 say if the public has derived no advantage? 
 Do not your waggons carry more and draw 
 easier ? And the same thing may be said 
 of every transportable commodity. Is there 
 no advantage in that ?" 
 
 ".Yes, Mr. Diphthong," replied Mr. Blount, 
 " what you say is true. But were it not for 
 the want of employment otherwise, we could 
 do very well were our roads and hedges less 
 trim." 
 
 " Not so, sir : we are now a more re- 
 fined nation than we were," answered Mr. 
 Diphthong ; " and it is needful to our im- 
 proved habits, that our roads and hedges, as 
 well as every thing we have of a public 
 nature, should correspond with our desires. 
 Make a LABOUR FUND, and you will at 
 once raise the spirit of the people of Eng- 
 land, and place the merits of our institutions 
 on their true footing : at all events, keep the 
 poor-rates apart for pauper purposes." 
 
 " Still," replied Mr. Blount, " that would 
 only be calling six half-a-dozen. There is 
 a surplus population, or, in other words, a 
 
264 THE MEMBER. 
 
 want of employment. How is that to be 
 remedied ?" 
 
 " By two ways emigration and public 
 works." 
 
 " But where are the means to execute 
 public works?" 
 
 " Circulation. Property must be taxed : 
 the proceeds of this tax must be devoted 
 to the employment of the labourers, for 
 public advantage or ornament. From them 
 the money will flow to the dealers, thence 
 to those they employ, and so pervade the 
 community." 
 
 " But, Mr. Diphthong," quo' I, " don't 
 you see that the effect of that would be 
 to bring down the large properties ?" 
 
 " I do," said he ; " but is not this better 
 than to put an end to the rent of landlords, 
 which is the present tendency of public 
 opinion ?" 
 
 " Really, Mr. Diphthong, you put the 
 matter in a very alarming light: is there 
 no alternative?" 
 
 " I think not," said he ; " the great pro- 
 
THE MEMBER. 265 
 
 perties have had their day : they are the 
 relics of the feudal system, when the land 
 bore all public burdens. That system is in 
 principle overthrown, and is hastening to be 
 so in fact. The system that it will be suc- 
 ceeded by is one that will give employment 
 to the people is one that will gradually 
 
 bring on an equalisation of condition." 
 
 At this I started, for I saw by it that he 
 was of the liberty and equality order; and 
 grieved I was that men of his degree could 
 talk so glibly on subjects that puzzle the 
 highest heads in the land. But I said 
 nothing : his sentiments, however, remain 
 with me ; and I cannot get the better of 
 what he propounded about the feudal sys- 
 tem being at an end, and of the system 
 by which he thinks it is to be succeeded. 
 Mr. Blount was no less disturbed. We both 
 agreed, that although Mr. Diphthong was 
 probably very wrong, something was going 
 on in the world that gave a colouring to 
 his inferences, and we concluded that a 
 time was fast coming in which prudent 
 and elderly men ought to quit the public 
 
266 THE MEMBER. 
 
 arena, and leave it clear to the younger 
 
 and the bolder. It was this conversation 
 
 which in a great measure led me to think 
 of retiring from Parliament. 
 
THE MEMBER. 267 
 
 CHAPTER XXXVI. 
 
 NEXT week, when we returned to town, the 
 first news we heard was, that the Duke's 
 ministry were tottering, which I was much 
 concerned to hear, as I thought the country 
 at the time could ill spare such a straight- 
 forward man. My concern was the more 
 deepened, as there was also a rumour, 
 arising from the manifold fires and turbu- 
 lence throughout the kingdom, that some 
 change would be made in the way of a 
 Reform of Parliament, to pacify the people. 
 The first report was not many days in 
 circulation till it was confirmed ; and sorry 
 was I that the occasion chosen for doing it 
 was one of a very insignificant kind. As 
 the ministry had made up their minds to 
 retire, it was, I must say, a weak and poor 
 thing of them to make their resignation turn 
 on the snuff-money of a few old shaking- 
 
268 THE MEMBER. 
 
 headed dowagers. Surely it would better 
 have become the Duke's manly nature to 
 have given a frank and fair notice of his in- 
 tention to break up his ministry, than to make 
 it seem dissolved by the results of a question 
 in the House that was not important. 
 
 The chief cause of my dissatisfaction was, 
 however, in the event itself: for plain it was 
 to me that the Duke's retiring from office, 
 and the coming in of his adversaries, was a 
 change amounting to something like a revo- 
 lution. It was not, as other changes that 
 had taken place before, a mutation of the 
 Tory party among themselves, but a total 
 renunciation of that ascendancy which they 
 had so long preserved, and during which 
 they had raised the country to the pinnacle 
 of glory. I had, indeed, a sore heart when I 
 saw the Whigs and Whiglings coming loup- 
 ing, like the puddochs of Egypt, over among 
 the right-hand benches of the House of 
 Commons, greedy as corbies and chattering 
 like pyets. It was a sad sight ; and I thought 
 of the carmagnols of France, the honours of 
 the Sitting, and all that which made our 
 
THE MEMBER. 269 
 
 French neighbours, forty years ago, so wicked 
 and ridiculous. 
 
 How I should have come to this con- 
 clusion concerning the new ministry and 
 their abettors, requires no explanation. It 
 was manifest to the humblest understanding 
 that the Tories, our party, to whom the 
 country owned so much both of renown 
 and prosperity, were overthrown. We had 
 for many years preserved the country, both 
 from foreign and domestic foes; and every 
 one must allow that we could not but 
 feel greatly discomfited at being forced to 
 abandon our supremacy to those who had 
 never ceased, in all our illustrious career, 
 to be the enemies of our enlightened policy. 
 
 No doubt, the Whigs in this revolution 
 were the leaders ; but they were backed and 
 supported by a far stronger faction than 
 themselves, a faction who are looking for- 
 ward to frighten them from their stools at 
 the first expedient uproar of difficulty. It 
 is, however, foreign to the principal pur- 
 pose of this book, which is intended to let 
 posterity know how those judicious sup- 
 
270 THE MEMBER. 
 
 porters of Government felt and did like 
 me, and who will, to a moral certainty, in 
 the end be missed. 
 
 As soon as the new ministry had taken 
 their places, I began, with the help of Mr. 
 Tough, to cast about for a gentleman to 
 succeed me in the representation of Frail- 
 town : but dealers were no longer rife. The 
 rumour of the reform made purchasers shy; 
 and though some there were who nibbled 
 a little, he could find none that would 
 bite, so much did all the land stand in 
 awe of this new phoenix which the ministry 
 were known to be hatching. 
 
 When at last the plan did come out, I 
 expected no better than a total loss by my 
 seat ; for although by it the power of re- 
 presenting two - and - twenty millions was 
 proposed to be given to no less than the 
 half of one million, it yet happened that 
 Frailtown was included in the condemned 
 list, the which I could not but think a very 
 great hardship, and a most unjust thing, as 
 the borough had been guilty of no misde- 
 meanour to deserve such a punishment. 
 
THE MEMBER. 271 
 
 The other mischiefs of the measure troubled 
 me very little. I saw that the die was cast, 
 and that my wisest course was to make the 
 best bargain I could for the borough, and 
 retire by times to the Girlands, well aware 
 that the one-and-twenty millions and a half 
 will not be long content with such a frac- 
 tional representation as it is proposed to give 
 them ; for what is the reform intended to 
 do, unless it be to work out the abolition of 
 rents and tithes ? Less than that, I fear, will 
 not satisfy the radicals ; nor less than that, 
 sooner or later, will a reform parliament, 
 after it has again reformed itself, be found 
 obliged to concede. 
 
 But I must not indulge these reflections, 
 lest I be suspected of writing under feelings 
 of disappointment and chagrin. The sus- 
 picion, indeed, would not, perhaps, be un- 
 founded, for T acknowledge that I am vext; 
 and no man has as yet greater reason, for 
 just on the very day that Mr. Tough had 
 concluded a reasonable bargain with Mr. 
 Mysore, to succeed me in the representation 
 of Frailtown, notice came out, that if he 
 
272 THE MEMBER. 
 
 Reform Bill did not pass, the Parliament 
 would be dissolved, which caused him to draw 
 back, and I could discover no other to take 
 the seat off my hands. All the world knows 
 the Parliament was dissolved, and my appre- 
 hended loss was in consequence inevitable. 
 
 It is true that Lord Dilldam wished me to 
 stand again, upon the high Tory interest; 
 but my moderation would not listen to the 
 suggestion : indeed, his lordship shewed him- 
 self not very wise in this, for how could I ex- 
 pect to be well received in a town where my 
 temperate politics were my chiefest recom- 
 mendation, by assuming, in a season when 
 such politics were going out of fashion, the 
 obstinate side? All was over ; and to struggle 
 I saw would be of no avail, so I determined, 
 at the dissolution, to close my career, which 
 I have accordingly done ; and now, as a 
 simple spectator, I look from afar off for the 
 coming on of what is ordained to take place. 
 
 THE END. 
 
 /A 
 
 ,, ! \ 
 
 LONDON : J. MOYES, CASTLE STREET, LEICESTER SQUARE. 
 
YA 08848 
 

 
 
 
 
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