IC-NRLF POEMS >< I-Y IRWIN i RUSSELL POEMS BY IRWIN RUSSELL POEMS BY IRWIN RUSSELL NEW-YORK THE CENTURY CO. COPYRIGHT, 1888, BY THE CENTURY Co. CONTENTS PAGE CHRISTMAS-NIGHT IN THE QUARTERS i NEBUCHADNEZZAR 16 BUSINESS IN MISSISSIPPI 19 SELLING A DOG 23 UNCLE NICK ON FISHING 25 NORVERN PEOPLE 28 WHEREFORE HE PRAYS THAT A WARRANT MAY ISSUE 31 THE MISSISSIPPI WITNESS 35 BLIND NED 39 MAHSR JOHN 43 PRECEPTS AT PARTING 47 HALF-WAY DOIN S 51 A SERMON FOR THE SISTERS 55 UNCLE CAP INTERVIEWED 59 THE OLD HOSTLER S EXPERIENCE . . . .63 REV. HENRY S WAR-SONG 66 vii 402223 viii CONTENTS LARRY S ON THE FORCE . . . . . .68 THE IRISH ECLIPSE 7 2 A PRACTICAL YOUNG WOMAN 75 THE POLYPHONE 77 THE FIRST CLIENT 82 THE KNIGHT AND THE SQUIRE .... 86 NINE GRAVES IN EDINBRO 9 HOPE 94 STUDIES IN STYLE 95 ALONG THE LINE 99 HER CONQUEST I0 4 NELLY I0 5 COSMOS I0 7 AN EXCHANGE Io8 THE CEMETERY ,....- 109 GOING II0 INTRODUCTION r I ^HERE are books that are written and published A with high hopes and ambitious longings, but this volume is in the nature of a memorial to its author. It represents the results of the brief literary career of IRWIN RUSSELL, of Mississippi, who was born at Port Gibson, Mississippi, on the 3d of June, 1853, and who died at New Orleans on the 23d of December, 1879. He possessed, in a remarkable degree, what has been described as the poetical temperament, and though he was little more than twenty-six years old at the time of his death, his sufferings and his sorrows made his life a long one. He had at his command everything that affection could suggest; he had loyal friends wherever he went ; but, in spite of all this, the way- X INTRODUCTION wardness of genius led continually in the direction of suffering and sorrow. In the rush and hurly-burly of the practical, every-day world, he found himself helpless; and so, after a brief struggle, he died. IRWIN RUSSELL was among the first if not the very first of Southern writers to appreciate the lit erary possibilities of the negro character, and of the unique relations existing between the two races before the war, and was among the first to develop them. The opinion of an uncritical mind ought not to go for much, but it seems to me that some of IRWIN RUSSELL S negro-character studies rise to the level of what, in a large way, we term literature. His negro operetta, " Christmas-Night in the Quarters," is inimitable. It combines the features of a character study with a series of bold and striking plantation pictures that have never been surpassed. In this remarkable group, if I may so term it, the old life before the war is reproduced with a fidelity that is marvelous. INTRODUCTION XI But the most wonderful thing about the dialect poetry of IRWIN RUSSELL is his accurate conception of the negro character. The dialect is not always the best, it is often carelessly written, but the negro is there, the old-fashioned, unadulterated negro, who is still dear to the Southern heart. There is no straining after effect indeed, the poems produce their result by indirection ; but I do not know where could be found to-day a happier or a more perfect representation of negro character. JOEL CHANDLER HARRIS. CHRISTMAS-NIGHT IN THE QUARTERS WHEN merry Christmas-day is done, And Christmas-night is just begun ; While clouds in slow procession drift, To wish the moon-man " Christmas gift," Yet linger overhead, to know What causes all the stir below; At Uncle Johnny Booker s ball The darkies hold high carnival. From all the country-side they throng, With laughter, shouts, and scraps of song, Their whole deportment plainly showing That to the Frolic they are going. Some take the path with shoes in hand, To traverse muddy bottom-land ; Aristocrats their steeds bestride Four on a mule, behold them ride ! >* Cff r RlZTMAS-NIGHT IN THE QUARTERS And ten great oxen draw apace The wagon from " de oder place," With forty guests, whose conversation Betokens glad anticipation. Not so with him who drives : old Jim Is sagely solemn, hard, and grim, And frolics have no joys for him. He seldom speaks but to condemn Or utter some wise apothegm Or else, some crabbed thought pursuing, Talk to his team, as now he s doing : Come up heah, Star ! Yee-bawee ! You alluz is a-laggin Mus be you think Fs dead, An dis de huss you s draggin You s mos too lazy to draw yo bref, Let lone drawin de waggin. Dis team quit beFrin , sah ! De ladies don t submit at CHRISTMAS-NIGHT IN THE QUARTERS 3 Dis team you oP fool ox, You heah me tell you quit at ? Dis team s des like de Nited States ; Dafs what I s tryin to git at ! De people rides behin , De pollytishners haulin Sh u d be a well-bruk ox, To foller dat ar callin An sometimes nuffin won t do dem steers, But what dey mus be stallin ! Woo bahgh ! Buck-kannon ! Yes, sah, Sometimes dey will be stickin ; An den, fus thing dey knows, Dey takes a rale good lickin . De folks gits down : an den watch out For hommerin an kickin . Dey blows upon dey hands, Den flings em wid de nails up, Jumps up an cracks dey heels, An pruzently dey sails up, 4 CHRISTMAS-NIGHT IN THE QUARTERS An makes dem oxen hump deysef, By twistin all dey tails up ! In this our age of printer s ink Tis books that show us how to think The rule reversed, and set at naught, That held that books were born of thought. We form our minds by pedants rules, And all we know is from the schools ; And when we work, or when we play, We do it in an ordered way And Nature s self pronounce a ban on, Whene er she dares trangress a canon. Un trammeled thus the simple race is That " wuks the craps " on cotton places. Original in act and thought, Because unlearned and untaught. Observe them at their Christmas party: How unrestrained their mirth how hearty ! How many things they say and do That never would occur to you ! CHRISTMAS-NIGHT IN THE QUARTERS 5 See Brudder Brown whose saving grace Would sanctify a quarter-race Out on the crowded floor advance, To " beg a blessin on dis dance." O Mahsr ! let dis gath rin fin a blessin in yo sight ! Don t jedge us hard fur what we does you knows it s Chrismus-night ; An all de balunce ob de yeah we does as right s we kin. Ef dancin s wrong, O Mahsr! let de time excuse de sin ! We labors in de vineya d, wukin hard an true; Now, shorely you won t notus, ef we^ats a grape or two, An takes a leetle holiday, a leetle restin -spell, Bekase, nex week, we ll sta"rt in fresh, an labor twicet as well. Remember, Maj>sr, min dis, now, de Willfulness ob sin Is pendin pon de sperrit what we goes an does k in : 2 6 CHRISTMAS-NIGHT IN THE QUARTERS An in a righchis frame obmin we s gwine to dance an sing, A-feeiin like King David, when he cut de pigeon- wing. It seems to me indeed it do I mebbe mout be wrong That people raly ought to dance, when Chrismus comes along ; Des dance bekase dey s happy like de birds hops in de trees, De pine-top fiddle soundin to de bowin ob de breeze. We-has no ark to dance afore, like Isrul s prophet king ; We has iitKharp to soun de chords, to holp us out to sing; But cordin to de gif s we has we does de bes we knows, An folks don t spise de vi let-flower bekase it ain t de rose. .,.. You bless fS, please, sah, eben ef we s doin wrong to night; CHRISTMAS-NIGHT IN THE QUARTERS 7 Kase den we ll need de blessin more n ef we s doin right; An let de blessin stay wid us, untel we comes to die, An goes to keep our Chrismus wid dem sheriffs in de sky! Yes, tell dem preshis anguls we s a-gwine to jine em soon : Our voices we s a-trainin fur to sing de glory tune ; We s ready when you wants us, an r it ain t no matter when O Mahsr ! call yo chillen soon, an take em home ! Amen. The rev rend man is scarcely through, When all the noise begins anew, And with such force assaults the ears, That through the din one hardly hears Old fiddling Josey " sound his A," Correct the pitch, begin to play, Stop, satisfied, then, with the bow, Rap out the signal dancers know : 8 CHRISTMAS-NIGHT IN THE QUARTERS Git yo* pardners, fust kwattillion / Stomp yo feet, an raise em high ; Tune is : " Oh ! dat water-million ! Gwine to git to home bime-bye." S lute yd 1 pardners / scrape perlitely Don t be bumpin gin de res Balance all! now, step out rightly; Alluz dance yo lebbel bes . Ftfwa d foah ! whoop up, niggers ! Back ag*in / don t be so slow ! Swing cornahs / min de figgers ! When I hollers, den yo go. Top ladies cross ober ! Hoi on, till I takes a dram Gemmen solo / yes, 7V sober Cain t say how de fiddle am. Hands around ! hoi up yo faces, Don t be lookin at yo feet ! Swing yo pardners to yd 1 places / Dat s de way dat s hard to beat. Sides fo w d 7 when you s ready Make a bow as low s you kin ! CHRISTMAS-NIGHT IN THE QUARTERS 9 Swing acrost wid opposite lady / Now we ll let you swap ag in : Ladies change / shet up dat talkin* ; Do yo talkin arter while ! Right a?i* lef / don t want no walkin Make yo steps, an show yo style ! And so the " set " proceeds its length Determined by the dancers strength ; And all agree to yield the palm For grace and skill to " Georgy Sam," Who stamps so hard, and leaps so high, " Des watch him! " is the wond ring cry " De nigger mus be, for a fac , Own cousin to a jumpin -jack ! " On, on the restless fiddle sounds, Still chorused by the curs and hounds ; Dance after dance succeeding fast, Till supper is announced at last. That scene but why attempt to show it ? The most inventive modern poet, io CHRISTMAS-NIGHT IN THE QUARTERS In fine new words whose hope and trust is, Could form no phrase to do it justice ! When supper ends that is not soon The fiddle strikes the same old tune ; The dancers pound the floor again, With all they have of might and main ; Old gossips, almost turning pale, Attend Aunt Cassy s gruesome tale Of conjurors, and ghosts, and devils, That in the smoke-house hold their revels ; Each drowsy baby droops his head, Yet scorns the very thought of bed : So wears the night, and wears so fast, All wonder when they find it past, And hear the signal sound to go From what few cocks are left to crow. Then, one and all, you hear them shout : " Hi ! Booker ! fotch de banjo out, An gib us one song fore we goes One ob de berry bes you knows ! " Responding to the welcome call, He takes the banjo from the wall, CHRISTMAS-NIGHT IN THE QUARTERS n And tunes the strings with skill and care, Then strikes them with a master s air, And tells, in melody and rhyme, This legend of the olden time : Go way, fiddle ! folks is tired o hearin you a-squawkin . Keep silence fur yo betters! don t you heah de banjo talkin ? About de possum s tail she s gwine to lecter ladies, listen ! About de ha r whut isn t dar, an why de ha r is missin : " Dar s gwine to be a oberflow," said Noah, lookin solemn Fur Noah tuk the " Herald," an he read de ribber column An so he sot his hands to wuk a-cl arin timber- patches, An lowed he s gwine to build a boat to beat the steamah Natchez. 12 CHRISTMAS-NIGHT IN THE QUARTERS Ol Noah kep a-nailin an a-chippin an a-sawin ; An* all de wicked neighbors kep a-laughin an a-pshawin ; But Noah didn t min em, knowin whut wuz gwine to happen : An forty days an forty nights de rain it kep a-drap- pin . \ \ Now, Noah had done cotched a lot ob ebry sort o beas es \ Ob all de shows a-trabbelin , it beat em all to pieces ! He had a Morgan colt an sebral head o Jarsey cattle An druv em board de Ark as soon s he heered de thunder rattle. Den sech anoder fall ob rain!- it come so awful hebby, De ribber riz immejitly, an busted troo de lebbee ; De people all wuz drownded out cep Noah an de critters, An men he d hired to work de boat an* one to mix de bitters. CHRISTMAS -NIGHT IN THE QUARTERS 13 De Ark she kep a-sailin an a-sailin an 1 a-sailin ; De lion got his dander up, an* like to bruk de palin ; De sarpints hissed; de painters yelled; tell, whut wid all de fussin , You c u dn t hardly heah de mate a-bossin roun an Now, Ham, de only nigger whut wuz runnin on de packet, Got lonesome in de barber- shop, an c u dn t stan de racket ; An so, fur to amuse he-se f, he steamed some wood an* bent it, An soon he had a banjo made de fust dat wuz invented. He wet de ledder, stretched it on ; made bridge an screws an aprin; An fitted in a proper neck twuz berry long an tap rin ; He tuk some tin, an twisted him a thimble fur to ring it; An den de mighty question riz : how wuz he gwine to string it ? 14 CHRISTMAS-NIGHT IN THE QUARTERS De possum had as fine a tail as dis dat I s a-singin ; De ha r s so long an thick an strong, des fit fur banjo-stringin ; Dat nigger shaved em off as short as wash-day-dinner graces ; An sorted ob em by de size, f om little E s to basses. r, tuned her, He strung her, tuned her, struck a jig, twuz " Nebber min de wedder," She soun like forty-lebhen bands a-playin all togedder; Some went to pattin ; some to dancin : Noah called defiggers; \ An Ham he sot an knocked de tune, de happiest ob niggers ! \ Now, sence dat time it s mighty strange dere s not de slightes showin Ob any ha r at all upon de possum s tail a-growin ; An curi s, too, dat nigger s ways : his people nebber los em Fur whar you finds de nigger dar s de banjo an de possum ! CHRISTMAS-NIGHT IN THE QUARTERS 15 ^f he night is spent ; and as the day Throws up the first faint flash of gray, The guests pursue their homeward way ; And through the field beyond the gin, Just as s the stars are going in, See Santa Glaus departing grieving His own dear Land of Cotton leaving. His work is done.; he fain would rest Where people know and love him best. He pauses, listens, looks about ; But go he must : his pass is out. So, coughing down the rising tears, He climbs the fence and disappears. " And thus observes a colored youth (The common sentiment, in sooth) : " Oh ! what a blessin tw u d ha been, Ef Santy had been born a twin ! We d hab two Chrismuses a yeah Or p r aps one brudder d settle heah ! " NEBUCHADNEZZAR You, Nebuchadnezzah, whoa, sah ! Whar is you tryin to go, sah ? I d hab you fur to know, sah, I s a-holdin ob de lines. You better stop dat prancin ; You s pow ful fond ob dancin , But I ll bet my yeah s advancin Dat I ll cure you ob yo shines. Look heah, mule ! Better min* out ; Fus t ing you know you ll fin* out How quick I ll wear dis line out On your ugly, stubbo n back. You needn t try to steal up An lif dat precious heel up ; You s got to plow dis fiel up, You has, sah, fur a fac*. 16 NEBUCHADNEZZAR 17 Dar, dafs de way to do it ! He s comin right down to it; Jes watch him plowin troo it ! Dis nigger ain t no fool. Some folks dey would a beat him ; Now, dat would only heat him I know jes how to treat him : You mus reason wid a mule. He minds me like a nigger. If he wuz only bigger He d fotch a mighty figger, He would, I tell you ! Yes, sah ! See how he keeps a-clickin ! He s as gentle as a chickin, An nebber thinks o kickin Whoa dar / Nebuchadnezzah ! Is dis heah me, or not me? Or is de debbil got me ? Wuz dat a cannon shot me ? Hab I laid heah more n a week ? i8 NEBUCHADNEZZAR Dat mule do kick amazin ! De beast wuz sp iled in raisin But now I spect he s grazin On de oder side de creek. BUSINESS IN MISSISSIPPI WHY, howdy, Mahsr Johnny ! Is you gone to keepin store ? Well, sah, I is surprised! I nebber heard ob dat afore. Say, ain t you gwine to gib me piece o good tobacco, please ? I s long wid you in Georgia, time we all wuz refugees. I know d you would ; I alluz tells the people, white an black, Dat you s a r al gen Pman, an dat s de libin fac Yes, sah, dat s what I tells em, an it s nuffin else but true, An* all de cullud people thinks a mighty heap ob you. 9 20 BUSINESS IN MISSISSIPPI Look heah, sah, don t you want to buy some cotton ? Yes, you do ; Dere s oder people wants it, but I d rader sell to you. How much ? Oh, jes a bale dat on de wagon in de street Dis heah s de sample, dis cotton s mighty hard to beat! You ll fin it on de paper, what de offers is dat s made; Dey s all de same seditions, half in cash, half in trade. Dey s mighty low, sah come, now, can t you prove upon de rates Dat Barrot Brothers offers only twelb an* geben- eights ? Lord, Mahsr Johnny, raise it! Don t you know dat I s a frien , An when I has de money I is willin fur to spenf ? My custom s wuff a heap, sah ; jes you buy de bale an see. Dere didn t nebber nobody lose nuffin off ob me. BUSINESS IN MISSISSIPPI 21 Now, what s de use ob gwine dere an a-zaminin ob de bale? When people trades wid me dey alluz gits an hones sale; I ain t no han fur cheatin ; I beliebes in actin* fa r, An ebry-body ll tell you dey alluz foun me squar . I isn t like some niggers ; I declar it is a shame De way some ob dem swin les What ! de cotton ain t de same As dat s in de sample ! well, I m blest, sah, ef it is ! Dis heah must be my bruddefs sample Yes, sah, dis is his. If dat don t beat creation ! Heah I ve done been totin round A sample different from de cotton ! I will be consound ! Mahsr Johnny, you must scuse me. Take de cotton as it Stan s, An tell me ef you re willin fur to take it off my han s. 3 22 BUSINESS IN MISSISSIPPI Sho ! nebber min de auger ! tain t a bit o use to bore; De bale is all de same s dis heah place de baggin s tore; You oughtn t to go pullin out de cotton dat a- way ; It spiles de beauty ob de What, sah ! rocks in dar, you say ! Rocks in dat ar cotton ! How de debbil kin dat be ? I packed dat bale myse f hoi on a minute, le me see My stars ! I mus be crazy ! Mahsr Johnny, dis is fine ! I s gone an* hauled my brudder s cotton in, instead ob mine ! SELLING A DOG H YAR, Pot-liquor ! What you at ? You heah me call- in you ? H yar, sah ! Come an tell dis little gemmen howdy-do ! Dar, sah, airft dat puppy jes as fat as he kin roll ? Maybe you won t b liebe it, but he s only six mon s oF 1 Coon dog ? Lord ! young marster, he s jes at em all de while; / b liebe dat he kin smell a coon fur half-a-mile. I don like to sell him, fur he s wuf his weight in gol ; If you didn t want him, sah, he nebber should be sol . If you takes him off wid you, I ll feel like I wuz lost. He s de bes young fightin -dog I ebber come acrost. Jes look at dem eyes, young marster ; what a sabbage face! He won t let no stranger nigger come about de place. 23 24 SELLING A DOG You know Henry Wilson s Bob, dat whipped your fader s Dan ? Pot-liquor jes chucked dat dog so bad he couldn t stan ! Well, sah, if you wants him, now I ll tell you what I ll do,- You kin hab him fur a dollar, seein s how it s you. Now, Marster Will, you knows it he s wuf mo n dat, a heap; R al y, I s a-doin wrong to let him go so cheap. Don t you tell nobody, now, what wuzde price you paid My ol* oman s gwine to gib me fits, sah, I s afraid! T anks you, sah ! Good-mornin , sah ! You tell yo ma, fur me, I has got de fines turkeys dat she ebber see ; Dey is jes as good as any pusson ebber eat. If she wants a gobbler, let her sen to Uncle Pete. Dar ! I s done got rid ob dat ar wretched dog at las ! Drownin time wuz comin fur him mighty precious fas ! Sol him fur a dollar well ! An goodness knows de pup Isn t wuf de powder it d take to blow him up ! UNCLE NICK ON FISHING IT alluz sets me laughin , when I happens to be roun , To see a lot ob gemmen come a-fishin from de town ! Dey waits tell arter bre kfus fore dey ebber makes a start, An 1 den you sees em comin in a leetle Jarsey kyart. Now, Jarsey kyarts is springy so, to hab a studdy seat, De gemmen s bliged to ballus her wid suffin good to eat; An Jarsey kyarts runs better so de gemmen seems to think By totin long a demijohn of suffin good to drink. When dey gits at de fishin place, it s stonishin indeed Sech tricks to go a-fishin wid nobody nebber seed ! Dey poles is put togedder wid a dozen j ints ob tin, An has a block-an -tickle fur to wind de fishes in ! 26 UNCLE NICK ON FISHING De gemmens makes a heap o fuss, an skeers de fishes off; An den dey takes an sots de poles, some place de bank is sof ; An den dey hunts a shady place, an settles on de grass, An pruzently you heahs em : " Dat a spade ? I has to pass!" St. Petah wuz a fisherman, an un erstood his trade; He staid an watched his cork, instid ob laz in in de shade. De gemmen is copyin arter him dey better be ! Or Ps a science fisherman t u d do to copy me. When I starts out a-fishin , I puts on my ol est clo es Dey age is putty toPable, you d nat rally suppose ! I gits up in de mohnin , long afore de sun has riz, An grabbles wums, /tell you! like de yurly bird I is. I s alluz berry tic lar bout de season ob de moon : De dark ob it is fishin time an time for huntin coon ; An I s be n fishin nuff to know, as notus mus be tuk Ob van s leetle sarcumstances bearin on de luck : UNCLE NICK ON FISHING 27 You has to spit upon de bait, afore you draps it in ; Mus keep yo cork a-bobbin , des as easy as you kin; Ef some one steps acrost yo pole, yo luck is shorely broke, Widout dey steps it back ag in, afore a word is spoke. Untel you quits a-fishin , don t you nebber count yo string; Fur ef you do, you s sartin not to cotch anoder thing ; But ef a sarpent-doctor bug sh u d light upon de pole, You knows you s good fur cotchin all de fishes in de hole. Dar, now ! you s got de 1 arnin what a fisherman sh u d know; So, when you s ready, all you has to do s to up an go, An foller dem instruckshums ef you does it, to de notch, Good Marster ! won t it s prise de folks to see de mess you cotch ! NORVERN PEOPLE DEM folks in de Norf is de beatin est lot ! Wid all de brass buttons an fixin s dey got You needn t tole me! dey all dresses in blue: I seed em de time at Grant s army come froo. Dey libs up de country, whar ellyphunts grows, Somewhar bout de head ob de ribber, I s pose ; Whar snow keeps a-drappin, spring, winter, an fall, An summer-time don t nebber git dar at all. Up dar in dey town dar s a mighty great hole Dey dug fur to git at de silber an gol : I reckon heah lately it mus ha cabed in I wish I c u d see a good two-bits ag in ! Dey puts up supplies for us Christuns to eat, De whisky, de flouah, de meal, an de meat ; 28 NORVERN PEOPLE 29 Dey s dreffle big-feelin , an makes a great fuss, But dey cain t git along widout wukin for us. I wouldn t be dem, not fur all you c u d gib : Dey nebber tas e possum as long as dey lib ! Dey w u dn t know gumbo, ef put in dey mouf Why don t dey all sell out an come to de Souf ? But lawsy ! dey s ign ant as ign ant kin be, An ain t got de presence ob min fur to see Dat ol Marsissippi s jes ober de fence Dat runs aroun hebben s sarcumferymence ! Now, us dat is fabored wid wisdom an grace, An had de fus pick fur a sirable place, We ought fur to member de duty we owes, To sheer wid our brudders as fur as it goes. So sometime in chu ch I s a-gwine to serjes Dat some-un be sent what kin talk to em bes* (An mebbe dat s me) fur to open deir eyes, Recomstruc de pore critters, an help em to rise. 30 NORVERN PEOPLE We ll fetch em down heah, de las one ob de batch, An treat em like gemmen, an rent em a patch Why, dat s de Merlennium ! Dat s what it am ; An us is de lion, an dey is de lamb ! WHEREFORE HE PRAYS THAT A WAR RANT MAY ISSUE Is YOU de jestis ob de peace ? I has a little case About a little matter, sah, what happened on de place. I s nuffin but a nigger, but has feelin s, all de same, An de way dat Mahsr Henry went an done me wuz a shame. Las spring I foun a little chicken runnin* in de road ; I tuk it to de quarters, an kep it till it growed. I nebber stole it ; kase de law sez ebrythin you fin Belongs to you ; an so, ob co se, dat chicken, he wuz mine. A week dis comin* Thu sday, I wuz comin from de fiel , An happened fur to member I wuz out ob meat an meal ; 31 3 2 HE PRAYS THAT A WARRANT MAY ISSUE So I begins to study bout what I s a-gwine to do An thinks, sez I, " Dat chicken s shorely big enough to stew." When I gits to de quarters, den I sez unto my wife, I wouldn t tell a lie to you, sah, not to sabe my life, " Hey, Phyllis, gal," sez I, des so, " run out dar in de lot, An cotch dat Dominica fur to bile him in de pot. Sez she to me, " I low myse f, he would eat tol ble good; But how I gwine to cook him, when I isn t got no wood?" Dat wuz de conbersatiorm, sah; I gibe it word fur word, An* Phyllis she can testify as dat wuz what occurred. Sez I, "You kill de chicken. Does you think I s los my sense ? " An I went to Mahsr s wood-pile, in de corner ob de fence. HE PRAYS THAT A WARRANT MAY ISSUE 33 I looked an didn t see nobody, heard nobody speak, An so I toted off enough to do me fur a week. I nebber thought ob stealin when I tuk dat wood away, For ebry stick I spected to return some oder day ; An ef a man cain t borry wood what s layin out ob nights, I d like fur you to tell me what s the good ob swivel rights ? Well ! Phyllis picked de chicken, an she soused him in de pot; De fire wuz burnin libely an de water gittin hot ; When somefin went boo-room ! boo-room ! right in de chimney-place, An* all de fire an ashes come a-scootin in my face. I thought it was de debbil, an it skeered me mos to deff; De smoke puffed out so hebby I could skacely draw my breff; De wood, de pot, de chicken, dey went flyin crost de floah, An me an Phyllis had important bizness at de doah. 34 HE PRAYS THAT A WARRANT MAY ISSUE De folks dey come a-runnin ; dar wuz Bob an Pete an Bill; An heah come Mahsr Henry des a-laughin fit to kill Sez he, " I knowed, you rascal, you wuz takin wood away, An I put a poun o powder in a holler stick to-day." Dat s why I want a warrant, sah ; my rights is all I ax, An I has lots o witnesses to summons to de fac s. I scorns to be imposed on ; an I peals unto de law To go fur Mahsr Henry, sah, an bring him up to taw. THE MISSISSIPPI WITNESS YOAH HONAH, AN DE JURY : Ef you ll listen, now, to me, Fs gwine to straighten up dis case jes like it ought to be. Dis heah s a case ob stealin hogs a mighty ser ous Tense An you ll know all about it, when I gibs my ebbydence. Dis Peter Jones, de plainter, is a member ob de chu ch, But Thomas Green, de fender, goodness knows he s nuffin much; A lazy, triflin nigger is dat berry Thomas Green Dese is de dif rent parties you is called to jedge atween. Now gib me stric contention while I lucidates de fec j Dere s two whole sides to eberyt ing, de front one an de back, 35 3 6 THE MISSISSIPPI WITNESS What s dat de little lawyer say ? To talk about de case ? Dat s jes what I wuz comin to ; you makes me lose de place. Whar wuz I ? Oh ! I members ; I wuz jes about to say, I heered a disputation bout a p int of law to day; Bout how to turn State s ebbydence dat s what dey s dribin at Now ain t it strange some niggers is so ignorant as dat? Why, when you wants to turn it, you jes has to come to town, An fin de Deestric Turner he ll be somewhar loafin roun An den sez you, " Mahsr Turner, sah, I zires my com pliments ; I s come in town to see you, fur to turn State s ebby dence." THE MISSISSIPPI WITNESS 37 As soon s you tells him dat, he knows perzackly what you mean, An takes you to his office, whar he s got a big mer- sheen, An dar you cotches hoi de crank, an den you turns away, Untel at las dar s somefin clicks, an den you s come to A. " Is dat de letter ob de thing de feller done ? " sez he; Ef you sez no, you turns ag in untel you comes to B; An so you keeps a-turnin , tell de right one gits aroun , An dar de Deestric Turner looks, an dar de law is foun . An den you gibs de fac s, an den he reads the law to you, An axes you to vise him what you t ink he ought to do; 4 38 THE MISSISSIPPI WITNESS An den he say " good-mornin ," an he gibs you fifty cents, An dat s de way you has to do to turn State s ebby- dence. Well, gemmen ob de jury, dis heah case is understood. I doesn t know de hog wuz stole, but Peter s word is good. He up an sesso manfully, dout makin any bones ; An darfore, sahs, ef I wuz you, I t ink I d cide for Jones. BLIND NED WHO is dat ar a-playin ? Shucks ! I wish I wuzn t blin ; But when de Lord he tuk my eyes, he lef my yeahs behin . Is dat you, Mahsr Bob ? I fought I reco nized your bowin ; I said I knowed twas you, soon s I heered de fiddle goin . Sho! dat ain t right! jes le me show you how to play dat tune ; I feel like I could make de fiddle talk dis arter- noon. Now don t you see that counter s jes a leetle bit too high? Well, nebber min ; I guess you ll learn to tune her by an by. 39 4 BLIND NED You s jes like all musicianers dat learns to play by note: You ain t got music in you, so you has to hab it wrote. Now dat ain t science why de debbil don t you play by yeah ? For dat s de onlies kin ob music fittin fur to heah. Do you suppose, when David wuz a-pickin on de harp, He ebber knowed de difference atwixt a flat an sharp ? But any tune you called fur, he could pick it all de same, For David knowed de music, dough he didn t know de name. Now what shall I begin on ? Somefin lively, fas , an* quick ? Well, sah, jes pay attention, an I ll gib you " Cap n Dick." Yah ! yah ! young mahsr, don t you feel jes like you want to pat ? You ll hab to practice fur a while afore you ekals dat ! BLIND NED 41 Dere ain t nobody roim dis place kin play wid Uncle Ned; Dey isn t got it in deir fingers, neider in deir head; Dat fiddler Bill dey talks about I heered him play a piece, An I declar it sounded like a fox among de geese. A violeen is like an ooman, mighty hard to guide, An mighty hard to keep in order arter once it s buyed. Dere s alluz somefin bout it out ob kelter, more or less, An tain t de fancies -lookin ones dat alluz does de bes . Dis yer s a splendid inst ument I spec it cost a heap; You r al y ought to let me hab dis fiddle fur to keep. It ain t no use to you, sah ; fur, widout it s in de man, He cain t git music out de fines fiddle in de Ian . It quires a power ob science fur to fiddle, sah, you see, An science comes by natur ; dat s de way it is wid me. 42 BLIND NED But Lord ! dat Bill ! It muses me to heah him talkin big; You never heered a braggin fiddler play a decent jig ! Dat Bill, he is a caution, sah ! I wonder now whar he An oder folks I knows of yes, I wonder whar ll dey be In hebben, when de music s playin , an de angels shout If Bill should jine de chorus, dey would hab to put him out. Well, good-bye, Mahsr Bob, sah; when you s nuffm else to do Jes sen fur dis oP darky, an he ll come an play fur you; An don t gib up your practisin you s only sebenteen, An maybe when you s oF as me you ll play the violeen. MAHSR JOHN I HEAHS a heap o people talking ebrywhar I goes, Bout Washintum an Franklum, an sech gen uses as dose; I s pose dey s mighty fine, but heah s de p int I s bet- tin on : Dere wuzn t nar a one ob em come up to Mahsr John. He shorely wuz de greates man de country ebber growed. You better had git out de way when he come long de road ! He hel* his head up dis way, like he spised to see de groun ; An niggers had to toe de mark when Mahsr John wuz roun . 43 44 MAHSR JOHN I only has to shet my eyes, an den it seems to me I sees him right afore me now, jes like he use to be, A-settin on de gal iy, lookin awful big an wise, Wid little niggers fannin him to keep away de flies. He alluz wore de berry bes ob planters linen suits, An kep a nigger busy jes a-blackin* ob his boots ; De buckles on his galluses wuz made of solid goP, An diamon s ! dey wuz in his shut as thick as it would hoi . You heered me! twas a caution, when he went to take a ride, To see him in de kerridge, wid ol Mistis by his side Mulatter Bill a-dribin , an a nigger on behin , An two Kaintucky hosses tuk em tearin* whar dey gwine. Ol Mahsr John wuz pow ful rich he owned a heap o Ian : Fibe cotton places, sides a sugar place in Loozyan* ; MAHSR JOHN 45 He had a thousan niggers an he wuked em, shore s you born ! De oberseahs u d start em at de breakin ob de morn. I reckon dere wuz forty ob de niggers, young an ol, Dat staid about de big house jes to do what dey wuz tol ; Dey had a easy time, wid skacely any work at all But dey had to come a-runnin when ol Mahsr John u d call ! Sometimes he d gib a frolic dat s de time you seed de fun : De ristocratic fam lies, dey u d be dar, ebry one ; Dey d hab a band from New Orleans to play for em to dance, An tell you what, de supper wuz a tic lar sarcumstance. Well, times is changed. De war it come an sot de niggers free, An now ol Mahsr John ain t hardly wuf as much as me; 46 MAHSR JOHN He had to pay his debts, an 1 so his Ian* is mos ly gone An I declar I s sorry fur my pore ol Mahsr John. But when I heahs em talkin bout some sullybrated man, I listens to em quiet, till dey done said all dey can, An den I lows dot in dem days at I remembers on, Dat gemman warn t a patchin onto my ol Mahsr John! PRECEPTS AT PARTING WELL, son, so you s gwine for to leab us, yo lubbin oF mammy an me, An set yo se f up as a waiter, aboa d ob de Robbut E. Lee, Along wid dem fancy young niggers, what s shamed fur to look at a hoe, An acts like a passel ob rich folks, when dey isn t got nuffin to show. You s had better trainin dan dey has I hopes at you ll zibit more sense; Sech niggers is like a young rooster, a-settin up top ob a fence : He keeps on a-stretchin an crowin , an , while he s a-blowin his horn, Dem chickens what ain t arter fussin is pickin up all ob de com. 47 4 8 PRECEPTS AT PARTING Now listen, an min what I tell you, an don t you forgit what I say ; Take advice ob a sperienced pussen, an you ll git up de ladder an stay : Who knows ? You mought git to be Pres dent, or jes- tice, perhaps, ob de peace De man what keeps pullin de grape-vine shakes down a few bunches at leas . Dem niggers what runs on de ribber is mos ly a mighty sharp set; Dey d fin out some way fur to beat you, ef you bet em de water wuz wet ; You s got to watch out for dem fellers; dey d cheat off.de horns ob a cow. I knows em ; I follered de ribber fore ebber I follered a plow. You ll easy git long wid de white folks, de Cappen an steward an clerks, Dey won t say a word to a nigger, as long as dey notice he works; PRECEPTS AT PARTING 49 An work is de onlies ingine we s any casion to tote, To keep us gwine on troo de currents dat pesters de spirichul boat. I heered dat idee from a preacher : he lowed at dis life wuz a stream, An ebry one s soul wuz a packet dat run wid a full head ob steam ; Dat some ob em s only stern- wheelers, while oders wuz mons ously fine An de trip wuz made safes an quickes by boats ob de Mefodis line. I wants you, my son, to be tic lar, an sociate only wid dey Dat s titled to go in de cabin don t neber hab nuffin to say To dem low-minded roustabout niggers what han les de cotton below Dem common brack rascals ain t fittin for no cabin-wait er to know. 50 PRECEPTS AT PARTING But nebber git airy: be spectful to all de white people you see; An nebber go back on de raisin you s had from your mammy an me. It s hard on your mudder, your leabin I don know whatebber she ll do ; An shorely your fader 11 miss you I ll alluz be thinkin ob you. Well, now I s done tol* you my say-so. Dar ain t nuffin more as I knows Cept dis : don t you nebber come back, sah, widout you has money an clo es. I s kep you as long as I s gwine to, an now you an* me we is done An calves is too skace in dis country to kill fur a prod igal son. HALF-WAY DOIN S BELUBBED fellah-trabelers : In holdin forth to-day, I doesn t quote no special verse fur whut I has to say; De sermon will be berry short, an dis here am de tex : Dat half-way doin s ain t no count fur dis worP or de nex*. Dis worP dat we s a-libbin in is like a cotton-row, Whar ebery cullud gentleman has got his line to hoe ; An ebery time a lazy nigger stops to take a nap, De grass keeps on a-growin fur to smudder up his crap. When Moses led de Jews acrost de waters ob de sea, Dey had to keep a-goin jes as fas as fas could be ; Do you s pose dat dey could ebber hab succeeded in deir wish, An reached de Promised Land at las if dey had stopped to fish ? $2 HALF- WA Y DOIN S My frien s, dar wuz a garden once, whar Adam libbed wid Eve, Wid no one roun to bodder dem, no neighbors fur to thieve; An ebery day wuz Christmas, an dey got deir rations free, An ebery t ing belonged to dem except an apple- tree. You all know bout de story how de snake come snoopin roun , A stump-tail rusty moccasin, a-crawlin on de groun , How Eve an Adam ate de fruit an went an hid deir face, Till de angel oberseer, he come an drove em off de place. Now, s pose dat man an ooman hadn t tempted fur to shirk, But had gone about deir gardenin , an tended to deir work, HALF-WAY DOINGS 53 Dey wouldn t hab been loafin whar dey had no busi ness to, An* de debbil nebber d got a chance to tell em whut to do. No half-way doin s, bredren ! It ll nebber do, I say ! Go at your task an finish it, an den s de time to play; Fur eben if de crap is good, de rain ll spile the bolls, Unless you keeps a-pickin in de garden ob yo souls. Keep a-plowin , an a-hoein , an a-scrapin ob de rows, An when de ginnin s ober you can pay up whut you owes; But if you quits a-workin ebery time de sun is hot, De sheriff s gwine to lebby upon eberyt ing you s got. Whuteber tis you s dribin at, be shore an dribe it through, An don t let numn stop you, but do whut you s gwine to do; 5 54 HALF- WA Y DOIN S Fur when you sees a nigger foolin , den, as shore s you re born, You s gwine to see him comin* out de small eend ob de horn. I thanks you for de Mention you has gib dis after noon Sister Williams will oblige us by a-raisin ob a tune I see dat Brudder Johnson s bout to pass aroun de hat, An don t let s hab no half-way doin s when it comes to dat ! A SERMON FOR THE SISTERS I NEBBER breaks a colt afore he s old enough to trabbel ; I nebber digs my taters tell dey plenty big to grabble. An* when you sees me risin* up to structify in meetin , I s fust dumb up de knowledge-tree an done some apple-eatin . I sees some sistahs pruzint, mighty proud o whut dey wearin : It s well you isn t apples, now, you better be de- clarin ! Fur when ye heerd yo markit-price, t d hurt yo little feelin s: You wouldn t fotch a dime a peck, fur all yo fancy peelin s. 55 5<$ A SERMON FOR THE SISTERS sistahs! leetle apples (fur you re r ally mighty like em) 1 lubs de ol -time russets, dough it s suldom I kin strike em ; An* so I lubs you, sistahs, fur yo grace, an not yo graces I don t keer how my apple looks, but on y how it tas es. Is dey a Sabbaf-scholah heah ? Den let him form his mudder How Jacob-in-de-Bible s boys played off upon dey brudder ! Dey sol him to a trader an* at las he struck de prison ; Dat corned ob Joseph s struttin in dat streaked coat ob his n. My Christian frien s, dis story proobs dat eben men is human He d had a dozen fancy coats, ef he d a* been a ooman ! A SERMON FOR THE SISTERS 57 De cussidness ob showin off, he foun out all about it; An yit he wuz a Christian man, as good as ever shouted. It Tamed him ! An I bet you when he come to git his riches Dey didn t go fur stylish coats or Philadelphy breeches ; He didn t was e his money when experunce taught him better, But went aroun a-lookin like he s waitin fur a letter ! Now, sistahs, won t you copy him ? Say, won t you take a lesson, An min dis sollum wahnin bout de sin ob fancy dressin ? How much you spen upon yo self ! I wish you might remember Yo preacher ain t been paid a cent sence somewhat in November. 58 A SERMON FOR THE SISTERS I better close. I sees some gals dis sahmon s kinder hittin A-whisperin , an sturbin all dat s near whar dey s a-sittin ; To look at dem, an* listen at dey onrespec ful jabber, It turns de milk ob human kin ness mighty nigh to clabber ! A-A-A-MEN ! UNCLE CAP INTERVIEWED GOOD-MORNIN , Mahsr thank you, sah; I s tol abk myself, Considerin dat it s almos time I s laid upon de shelf; De onlies t ing dat bodders much is right aroun in here, Dis mis ry in my back dat won t recease to persevere* An* so you come to see me, sah, beca se you hab been tol Dat I s de oldes man about ? Yes, I is mighty oF ! A hundred an eleben years dis comin Christmas-day I couldn t tell ezzackly, but dat s whut people say. When /come to dis country fust dar wa n t no houses roun , An* me an my ole mahsr had to camp out on de groun ; 59 60 UNCLE CAP INTERVIEWED De fust house dat was reeled, sah, I helped in raisin it Sometimes I tries to member whar it sot, but I forgit. You Liza! ain t you nebber gwine to set dat pot to bile ! Niggers nebber was so lazy when your fader was a chile. Dat ar s my youngest daughter, sah, a-washin ob de greens ; She was born de year dat Jackson fit de battle ob Or leans. Dey ain t wuf shucks, dese young folks dat s a-growin up now days ; I nebber seed no niggers yit dat had such triflin* ways. I b lieve dis country s gwine to smash I knows, at any rate, Dat t ings ain t like dey used to wuz in ole Virginny State. So you thought twas Souf Ca lina, sah, whar I was born an raised ? No ! I m from ole Virginny, an* fur dat de Lord be praised ! UNCLE CAP INTERVIEWED 61 Virginny niggers always wuz de best dat you could buy; Poor white trash couldn t git em, ca se de prices wuz so high. Yes, sah, I s from Virginny, an I reckon dat you mout Have heerd of folks I knowed dey re often talked about. Dar s Ginnle Washin ton, fur one ; he lived acrost de road; I spect you ve heerd of him, sah ? He wuz one ob dem I knowed. He rode about de country on a big old dapple-gray, An used to come an dine with mahsr bout ebery udder day; De fmes -lookin gentleman dat I most eber seed He tried to buy me; but old mahsr told him, " No, in deed ! " Whut do I t ink of freedom ? I dunno ; it s true I s free, But now I s got so awful old, whut good is at to me ? 62 UNCLE CAP INTERVIEWED I nebber bodders bout it much to tell the troof, my min Is tuk up now in t inkin bout de place whar Fs a-gwine. De hymn says : " John de Baptis , he wuz nuffin but a Jew, But de Holy Bible tells us dat he wuz a preacher too," An if a ligious Jew can mong de chosen few advance, Dere shorely ain t no question but a nigger ll hab a chance. I done been had religion now fur gwine on sixty year, An my troubles is mos ober, fur de end is drawin near; An I know dat when I mount de skies de Lord will make ob me A young an likely nigger, sah, jus like I use* to be. THE OLD HOSTLER S EXPERIENCE I GITS up heah like good ol Paul, Obed ent to de Mahsr s call To tell my sperunce, tell it all ! Ol SHAME S put up ; An* I s led GLORY out de stall, To win de cup. Den, all you sinnahs, cl ar de track ! I s mounted on ol GLORY S back ; Her hufs is gwine ta-click-ta-clack, Dat s how dey s gwine ! An* Satan s rattlin , shacklhV hack Is lef behin . 63 64 THE OLD HOSTLER S EXPERIENCE Ah, Christuns, in my foolish days I rid de debbil s blooded bays, PERSUMPCHUS PRIDE, an WORL LY WAYS, An made em lope ; But now I s turned em out to graze Widout a rope. Yah ! Yah ! Oh ! how I used to Well, De tic lars tain t no use to tell, But oncet I rid de road to hell Wid nar a bit, An went two-forty on the shell Toward de pit. Like Balaam, when he rid de ass, I sisted on a-trablin fas ; But twuz a pace at c u dn t las , An I got th owed. I cotch RELIGION, trotthV pas , An back I goed. THE OLD HOSTLER S EXPERIENCE 65 An now I simply vises you, You deblish boys I s talkin to, Don t nebber hab a thing to do Wid Satan s bosses ; Dey ll buck an fling you in de sloo, Fus one you crosses. But git RELIGION well in han , An ride her like a little man Dere ain t no hoss in all de Ian Kin run agin her An you ll come by de jedges stan A easy winner. REV. HENRY S WAR-SONG WHO S gwine to fight in de battle, in de battle ? Who s gwine to march wid de army ob de King ? Listen at de drums, how dey rattle, rattle, rattle : Hark to de bullets, how dey sing ! Close up, saints, in de center ! Fall in, sinnahs, on de flanks ! Tention ! right dress ! eyes front ! steady ! All stand quiet in de ranks. Dat s right, men ! keep a-standin , keep a-standin Not a bit o danger ob an inimy behin : De ahmy s at de front, an ouah Gineral Commandin Has got out a pow ful pickit-line ! Wait for yo orders till dey come, den ; Keep up patience ; rendah thanks Dat you has nuffin fur to do onless it s suffin To stan* up waitin in de ranks. 66 REV. HENRY S WAR-SONG 67 Twon t be so long fore de orders, fore de orders Soon we ll be gittin em de orders to advance ; Den, ebry man in de column to his duty ; Show what s de value ob de chance ! Fight ! an we ll oberturn de debbil ! Fight ! an we ll hab de country s thanks ! An all 11 git a pension an a honorable mention What stood up steady in de ranks ! LARRY S ON THE FORCE WELL, Katie, and is this yersilf ? And where was you this whoile ? And ain t ye dhrissed ! You are the wan to illusthrate the stoile ! But niver moind thim matthers now, there s toime enough for thim ; And Larry that s me b y I want to shpake to you av him. Sure, Larry bates thim all for luck ! tis he will make his way, And be the proide and honnur to the sod beyant the say. We ll soon be able whisht ! I do be singin till I m hoorse, For iver since a month or more, me Larry s on the foorce ! 68 LARRY S ON THE FORCE 69 There s not a proivate gintleman that boords in all the row Who houlds himsilf loike Larry does, or makes as foine a show : Thim eyes av his, the way they shoine his coat, and butthons too He bates them kerrige dhroivers that be on the avenue ! He shtips that proud and shtately-loike, you d think he owned the town, And houlds his shtick convanient to be tappin some wan down. Aich blissed day I watch to see him comin up the shtrate, For, by the greatest bit av luck, our house is on his bate. The little b ys is feared av him, for Larry s moighty shtrict, And many s the litthle blagyard he s arristed, I expict ; 6 70 LARRY S ON THE FORCE The beggyars gits acrass the shtrate you ought to see thim fly ! And organ-groindhers scatthers whin they see him comin by. I know that Larry s bound to roise ; he ll get a ser geant s post, And afther that a captincy widhin a year at most; And av he goes in politics he has the head to throive I ll be an Aldherwoman, Kate, afore I m thirty- foive ! What s that again ? Y are jokin , surely Katie ! is it thrue ? Last noight, you say, he married? and Aileen O Donahue? O Larry ! c u d ye have the hairt but let the spal peen be : Av he demanes himsilf to her, he s nothing more to me. LARRY S ON THE FORCE 71 The ugly shcamp ! I always said, just as I m tellin you, That Larry was the biggest fool av all I iver knew ; And many a toime I ve tould mesilf you see it now, av coorse He d niver come to anny good av he got on the foorce ! THE IRISH ECLIPSE IN Watherford, wanst, lived Profissorr MacShane, The foinest asthronomer iver was sane ; For long before noight, wid the scoience he knew, Wheriver wan shtar was, sure he could see two Quoite plain, Could Profissorr MacShane. More power to him! ivry claare noight as would pass, He d sit by the windy, a-shoving his glass ; A poke at the dipper, that plaised him the laist, But a punch in the milky way suited his taste, Small blame To his sowl for that same ! Now, wan toime in Watherford, not long ago, They had what the loike was not haard of, I know, 72 THE IRISH ECLIPSE 73 Since Erin was undher ould Brian Borrhoime : The sun was ayclipsed for three days at wan toime ! It s thrue As I tell it to you. Twas sunroise long gone, yet the sun never rose, And ivry wan axed, " What s the matther, God knows ?" The next day, and next, was the very same way ; The noight was so long it was lasting all day, As black As the coat on yer back. The paiple wint hunting Profissorr MacShane, To thry if he d know what this wondher could mane. He answered thim back : " Is that so ? Are ye there ? Tis a lot of most iligant gommachs ye air, To ax For the plainest of facts ! " Ye re part of an impoire, yez mustn t forget, Upon which the sun s niver able to set ; 74 THE IRISH ECLIPSE Thin why will it give yer impoire a surproise If wanst, for a change, he refuses to roise ? " Siz he, " That is aizy to see ! " A PRACTICAL YOUNG WOMAN YOUNG Julius Jones loved Susan Slade ; And oft, in dulcet tones, He vainly had besought the maid To take the name of Jones. "Wert thou but solid, then, be sure, Twould be all right," said she, " But, Mr. J., whilst thou art poor Pray think no more of me." Poor Jones was sad; his coat was bad; His salary was worse ; But hope suggested : " Jones, my lad, Just try the power of verse." 75 76 A PRACTICAL YOUNG WOMAN He sat him down and wrote in rhyme How she was in her spring, And he in summer s golden prime And all that sort of thing. The poem praised her hair and eyes, Her lips, with honey laden. He wound it up up in the skies And mailed it to the maiden. She read it over, kept it clean, Put on her finest raiment, And took it to a magazine And got ten dollars payment. THE POLYPHONE PROFESSOR JONES was very wise, And wore green goggles on his eyes, Or, twould be better, I suppose, To say he wore em on his nose, And was so very tall and slim The street-boys made a jest of him, And to his garments would attach The label : " Here s a walking match." Yet this ungainly friend of ours Made daily gain in mental powers. To him, each coming moment brought Some thing of moment fact or thought And he could bid the boys defiance When rambling in the paths of science. For many weeks Professor Jones Made study of the laws of tones. 77 78 THE POLYPHONE Of phonographs and telephones And megaphones he had a store That filled up half his study floor. The number of his tools, indeed, Would make a work too long to read With any sort of satisfaction ; But magnets were the chief attraction. With these he labored, much intent On making a new instrument Which should, by means of sound- vibrations, Make both "transmissions" and translations. Said he : " For speech, we must have tone, And every language has its own, Our high-toned English such-and-such, And so-and-so the lowest Dutch, Its given rules to guide inflection In some particular direction. There s philologic evidence That all our languages commence In some lost parent tongue, each root Each nation modifies to suit, THE POLYPHONE 79 And languages, tis clearly found, In no way differ but in sound. Now, diaphragms may well be trusted, If once they re properly adjusted For language A and language B, According to the phonic key (And then connected in a circuit By persons competent to work it), To transpose these root-derivations Which differ with the tones of nations. So if one * sends an English sermon Twill sound a sound discourse in German, And our Italian learned at home Can be well understood at Rome." So saying, the Professor toiled, And hammered, polished, filed, and oiled, Until, adjusted and connected, Behold the polyphones perfected ! One stood upon the study table, And one was downstairs in the stable, 8o THE POLY PHONE Where curious neighbors might not spy it, And naught remained to do but try it. A boy placed at the sending-station, To speak (for a consideration) The noble language of our nation, Professor Jones hied up the stair To listen to the sounds, up there, Which would at once, no doubt, determine If English could be changed to German. That boy below, sad to relate, Was not in a regenerate state : His language did not smack of schools, Or go by proper laws and rules. His speech was very shrill, but oh ! Its tone was most exceeding low ! So then and there the stable rang With slang, and nothing else but slang, Which, having no equivalent In German, clogged the instrument, And while the disappointed Jones Stood quaking at the horrid tones THE POLYPHONE 81 That came from the receiving-plate, Discordant, inarticulate, The boy began the last new song There was a clang, as from a gong, And shattered were the polyphones, And eke the intellect of Jones ! THE FIRST CLIENT A LEGAL DITTY TO BE SUNG WITHOUT CHORUS TO THE AIR OF " THE KING S OLD COURTIER." JOHN SMITH, a young attorney, just admitted to the bar, Was solemn and sagacious as as young attorneys are; And a frown of deep abstraction held the seizin of his face The result of contemplation of the rule in Shelley s Case. One day in term-time Mr. Smith was sitting in the Court, When some good men and true of the body of the county did on their oath report, 82 THE FIRST CLIENT 83 That heretofore, to wit: upon the second day of May, A. D. 1877, about the hour of noon, in the county and state aforesaid, one Joseph Scroggs, late of said county, did then and there feloniously take, steal, and carry away One bay horse, of the value of fifty dollars, more or less (The same then and there being of the property, goods, and chattels of one Hezekiah Hess), Contrary to the statute in such case expressly made And provided, and against the peace and dignity of the state wherein the venue had been laid. The prisoner, Joseph Scroggs, was then arraigned upon this charge, And plead not guilty, and of this he threw himself upon the country at large ; And said Joseph being poor, the Court did graciously appoint Mr. Smith to defend him much on the same princi ple that obtains in every charity hospital, where a young medical student is often set to rectify a se rious injury to an organ or a joint. 84 THE FIRST CLIENT The witnesses seemed prejudiced against poor Mr. Scroggs ; And the district attorney made a thrilling speech in which he told the jury that if they didn t find for the state he reckonedhe dhave to" walk their logs." Then Mr. Smith arose and made his speech for the defense, Wherein he quoted Shakspere, Blackstone, Chitty, Arch- bold, Joaquin Miller, Story, Kent,Tupper, Smedes, and Marshall, and many other writers, and every body said they " never heerd sich a bust of elo quence." And he said : " On this hypothesis, my client must go free;" And : " Again, on this hypothesis, it s morally impos sible that he could be guilty, don t you see ? " And : " Then, on this hypothesis, you really can t con vict;" And so on, with forty-six more hypotheses, upon none of which, Mr. Smith ably demonstrated, could Scroggs be derelict. THE FIRST CLIENT 85 But the jury, never stirring from the box wherein they sat, Returned a verdict of " guilty "; and his honor straight way sentenced Scroggs to a three-year term in the penitentiary, and a heavy fine, and the costs on top of that; And the prisoner, in wild delight, got up and danced and sung ; And when they asked him the reason of this strange behavior, he said : "It s because I got off so easy for if there d ha been a few more of them darned hypothesises^ I should certainly have been hung ! " THE KNIGHT AND THE SQUIRE SIR MORTIMER EUSTACE FITZ CLARENCE Du BROWN Sat drinking his ruby wine ; And he called : " What ho ! Here somebody go And summon that squire of mine, Young Patrick de Wachtamrhein." They passed the word for young Patrick, who came And entered the castle hall. " Good master," said he, " and what now might it be You d have me be doing, at all ? I ll do it, whatever befall." " Now hie thee up to the palace, good squire, And get thee speech with the King ; For fain would I know if this news be so The palmers and peddlers bring Of a new crusade this spring." THE KNIGHT AND THE SQUIRE 87 Young Patrick rode forth and young Patrick rode back; Sir Mortimer gave him go d-den ; " Sir, war is declared, and a draft prepared, For his Majesty must have men : And gold has gone up to ten." Then good Sir Mortimer straightway went To his merchant-tailor man, And bought for a groat a new tin coat, Which, cut on the latest plan, Looked stylish as any tin can. " I sell you dot pair brass pants so sheap No ? Mebbe you comes again ? Puy a rupper shtamp for to use in camp For to marg your clodings plain ? " But the merchant talked in vain. " Come hither, now, Patrick de Wachtamrhein," Said the knight; " thou art bold and stanch ; No wight in the castle with thee can wrestle : I leave thee in charge of the ranch Take care of my lady Blanche." 88 THE KNIGHT AND THE SQUIRE Sir Mortimer rode with his banner displayed, Six cod-fish saltier-wise, But he did not go to crusade oh, no ! But in search of army supplies, Expecting the market to rise. Said he : " In the army I will not go, And they cannot impress me ; Twere a vain attempt, for I am exempt, As my age is fifty-three. A contractor I will be." So he rode abroad, and he found, with joy, That his neighbors sheep looked well, And their oxen stout went straying about So fat that they nearly fell ; And he drove them off to sell. Young Patrick de Wachtamrhein heard these things, And his eyes with tears grew dim ; " This castle should not," he observed, " God wot, Belong to a chap like him, For his moral sense is slim." THE KNIGHT AND THE SQUIRE 89 So he seized Sir Mortimer s wealth and wife (Divorced by a chancery suit) ; Of the house he was head in Sir Mortimer s stead, And he sent off the latter, to boot, To crusade as his substitute. And, knights, moral ye all may learn From the tale that is here rehearsed : Before you start for a foreign part Tis best to provide for the worst, And mortgage your property first. NINE GRAVES IN EDINBRO IN the church-yard, up in the old high town, The sexton stood at his daily toil, And he lifted his mattock, and drove it down, And sunk it deep in the sacred soil. And then as he delved he sang right lustily, Aye as he deepened and shaped the graves In the black old mold that smelled so mustily, And thus was the way of the sexton s staves : " It s nine o the clock, and I have begun The settled task that is daily mine ; By ten o the clock I will finish one, By six o the clock there must be nine : 90 NINE GRAVES IN EDINBRO 91 " Just three for women, and three for men, And, to fill the number, another three For daughters of women and sons of men Who men or women shall never be. " And the first of the graves in a row of three Is his or hers who shall first appear ; All lie in the order they come to me, And such has been ever the custom here." The first they brought was a fair young child, And they saw him buried and went their way; And the sexton leaned on his spade and smiled, And wondered, " How many more to-day ? " The next was a man ; then a woman came : The sexton had loved her in years gone by; But the years had gone, and the dead old dame He buried as deep as his memory. 92 NINE GRAVES IN EDINBRO At six o the clock his task was done; Eight graves were closed, and the ninth prepared- Made ready to welcome a man what one T was little the grim old sexton cared. He sat him down on its brink to rest, When the clouds were red and the sky was gray, And said to himself : " This last is the best And deepest of all I have digged to-day. " Who will fill it, I wonder, and when ? It does not matter : whoe er they be, The best and the worst of the race of men Are all alike when they come to me." They went to him with a man, next day, When the sky was gray and the clouds were red, As the sun set forth on his upward way ; They went and they found the sexton dead. NINE GRA VES IN EDINBRO 93 Dead, by the open grave, was he ; And they buried him in it that self-same day, And marveled much such a thing should be ; And since, the people will often say : If ye dig, no matter when, Graves to bury other men, Think it never can be known When ye* II chance to dig your own. Mind ye of the tale ye know Nine graves in Edinbro. NOTE. The following is related concerning the death of Jemmy Camber, one of the jesters of King James I. " Jemmy rose, made him ready, takes his horse, and rides to the church-yard in the high towne, where he found the sexton (as the custom is there) making nine graves three for men, three for women, and three for children ; and whoso dyes next, first come, first served. Lend me thy spade, says Jemmy, and with that digs a hole, which hole hee bids him make for his grave ; and doth give him a French crowne. The man, willing to please him (more for his gold than his pleasure), did so ; and the foole gets upon his horse, rides to a gentleman of the towne, and on the sodaine within two houres after dyed ; of whom the sexton telling, he was buried there indeed." ROBERT ARNJM, "The Nest of Ninnies." (A. D. 1608.) HOPE No MATTER where we sail, A storm may come to wreck us, A bitter wind, to check us In the quest for unknown lands, And cast us on the sands, No matter where we sail : Then, when my ship goes down, What choice is left to me From leaping in the sea And willingly forsake All that the sea can take, Then, when my ship goes down ? Still, in spite of storm, From all we feel or fear A rescue may be near : Though tempests blow their best, A manly heart can rest Still, in spite of storm ! 94 STUDIES IN STYLE BURNS. An Epistle to John Howard. DEAR SIR : I never saw your face But yet, for some few moments space, To tak a friend s familiar place Is my design : The friend o a the human race Is surely mine. Here is my han , sir ; will ye tak it ? An honest man may safely shake it, For, spite o Fate, nae powers shall mak it Be stained wi crime May a* its little force forsake it Afore that time ! 95 96 STUDIES IN STYLE Tis little that I hae to offer My humble muse expects you ll scoff her, And scarce she daurs to mak the proffer, It is sae sma : My best guid-will : pray tak it of her, For that s my a*. I hae nae flatt rin words to gie you ; I only say, sir, God be wi you ! And whan from life He wills to free you, May you repair To His ain house I hope to see you Whan I am there ! This warld, I hope you may improve it, But yet I doubt the de il could move it Except in tracks already groovit Howe er, if sae, There is nae harm to try to shove it Anither way. STUDIES IN STYLE 97 The warld, they say, is gettin auld ; Yet in her bosom, I ve been tauld, A burnin , youthfu heart s installed I dinna ken, But sure her face seems freezin cauld To some puir men. In summer though the sun may shine, Aye still the winter s cauld is mine But what o that ? The manly pine Endures the storm ! Ae spark o Poesy divine Will keep me warm. But I am takin up your time Worth sae much mair than my puir rhyme That ye will hear sic verses chime And no cry "hark!" Sae, wussin ye success sublime, I mak my mark. 98 STUDIES IN STYLE HERRICK. A Preachment. O MAN ! if hard thy fortune, However fate importune, Turn not to wrong none find, or will, Their good enlarged by doing ill. As boats that row in Venice Just so the life of men is : Our course goes crooked o er the tide, With but a broken oar to guide. Thy heart of oak then cherish, Or sure thy soul will perish The soul is but a boat that goes Whatever way the heart hath chose. ALONG THE LINE WHAT say ? A song or a story ? Draw up a box r a chair, All them that is wantin to listen; but, boys, I ma-tellin you fair. See this ? It ll go for the feller what takes a notion to laugh, And him or me will be t our folks a man or a foreto- graph ! You didn t know Jim of course not I m tellin you now of him : A fearful chap on his muscle, a wild old boy, was Jim; But, boys, now don t you forgit it, he was as good and square As any man that the county held and plenty o* men was there, 99 ioo ALONG THE LINE Jim was alightnin -jerker of course you know t I mean : He sot at his little table and rattled the Morse machine. And didn t it rattle! I bet you! He d studied it down so fine, There wasn t a one that could " send " with him, not all along the line. One time Jim sat in the office, a-smokin and gazin out, When in come a feller was lookin skeered and nuff to be skeered about ! He told his news in a minute, and, man as he was, got cry n ; And " Yaller fever is broken cut ! " went clickin along the line. I think that line was connected with every soul in the land, From what was sent t us Howards I m one, d ye understand ? Of all the parts o the Union, no tell n which helped us most; And we was a-workin , we was, sir ! And Jim he kep to his post. ALONG THE LINE , ;\\ \.^\ XoJ All day long he was settin pushin away at the key, Or takin off from the sounder, just as the case might be ; And most of the night a-nursin . And what was bracin his heart Was knowhV his only sister n him was seventy miles apart. The air got full o the fever; grass growed up in the street ; Travel the town all over, and never a man you d meet, Cept, maybe, some feller a-runnin , who d say, as he passed you by : " I m tryin to find the doctor," or" Billy is bound to die." When folks went under they might be the very best in the land We throwed em into a white-pine box, and drayed em out off-hand, To wait their turn to be planted, without a word or a prayer ; There wa n t no chance and there wa n t no time for prayin or preachin there. 8 IOC ALONG THE LINE Well, Jim, he minded his duty, and stuck to the work oh, yes But, boys, one Saturday night, when he was busy sendin the press, There come a break, and his office call, and soon as he d time to sign, " Your sister s took the fever and died" come flashin along the line. Throw up the winder and let in air ! How can I breathe or speak With Jim? Oh, certainly; news like that was bound for to make him weak ; But Jim sot straight at the table he wa n t the man to shirk ! And, calmer and cooler than I am now, he finished the company s work. But then he dropped; and in four days more all that was left of him Was the wasted body that once had held the noblest soul poor Jim ! ALONG THE LINE 103 boys ! that brother and sister was brother and sister o* mine ! 1 wonder if ever we ll meet ag in, somewheres along the line. HER CONQUEST MUSTER thy wit, and talk of whatsoever Light, mirth-provoking matter thou canst find : I laugh, and own that thou, with small endeavor, Hast won my mind. Be silent if thou wilt ; thine eyes expressing Thy thoughts and feelings, lift them up to mine : Then quickly thou shalt hear me, love, confessing My heart is thine. And let that brilliant glance become but tender Return me heart for heart then take the whole Of all that yet is left me to surrender : Thou hast my soul. Now, when the three are fast in thy possession, And thou hast paid me back their worth, and more, I ll tell thee all whereof I ve made thee cession Was thine before. 104 NELLY NOT long ago perhaps not long My soul heard no discordant tone, For love and youth s sweet matin song It hearkened to, and that alone ; But now the song is hushed, it hears Strange music, in a harsher key, For every sound a dirge appears Since Nelly died, who lived for me. The summer of my life is past ; Eternal winter reigns instead ; For how, for me, could summer last, When she, my only rose, is dead ? 105 106 NELLY Sweet Nelly ! would thou couldst be yet, As once, my day, my only light ! But thou art gone the sun has set And every day, to me, is night. Yet, be the darkness e er so deep, Let no more suns arise for me : For night can soothe my heart to sleep, And, Nelly, then I ll dream of thee! COSMOS WHAT to me are all your treasures ? Have I need of purchased pleasures, Croesus, such as thine ? Come, I ll have thee make confession Thou hast naught in thy possession, And the world is mine. I have all that thou hadst never; Though I m old, I m young forever, And happy I, at ease ; All I wish I can create it; Wing my soul, and elevate it Where and when I please. Of my secret make but trial : Seest thou this little vial ? Dost thou not, then, think Magic power to it pertaining, All the world itself containing, Though it holds but ink? 107 AN EXCHANGE DEATH seizeth not the soul ; When life is past control No power left to hold it, When we have lost or sold it Why care we for the loss of lives Of suffering and sinning, Well knowing that, for what survives, A life is just beginning ? So, when our day arrives, Why cling we to our lives ? Though they be clean and fair, Or stained with sin and care, The bargain cannot be adverse ; An old life for a new one ; Death cannot make a false soul worse, Or ever change a true one. 108 THE CEMETERY I STAND within this solemn place And think of days gone by ; I think of many an old-time face ; Here s where those faces lie. I think of when, what time God please, The hour shall come to me, That, covered by the clay, like these, My face shall masked be. No marble monument will rise Above that grave of mine ; No loving friends will wipe their eyes When life I shall resign. But when I leave my life have left My every present care I ll find a home of care bereft; My friends are living there ! 109 GOING DRAW de curtain wider wider let me see de sun; I ll be trab lin higher n it is, fore de day is done. Prop a cheer ag in de door, an let me heah de breeze, Soundin like a runnin ribber, mong de china-trees. Sing de "Rock of Ages," Phillis sing it soft an low; Dat s de tune I wants to heah ag in afore I go. Don t you choke an sob, ol ooman sing it brave an bol : Ah, dat music ! seems to me it s singin in my soul I GOING in Listen ! don t you hear de dog ? I knows what makes him howl. Las night, up on top de house, dere sot a whoopin owl; Den dat whip-poor-will, you knows you se f you heerd it cry All dem things has knowledge ob a pusson gwine to die. I s a-gwine to glory, Phillis, way up in de sky, Whar de houses is ob gol an you ll come by an by ! I ain t gwine to settle down yit ; dey will le me wait Tell you comes to jine me troo de nebber-shettin gate. Take me easy as you kin, an HP me up in bed ; Fotch an extry pillow heah, to put beneef my head ; Dar I s ready, now, to hab de paf to Hebben showed Dem ar guidin angels mus be stoppin on de road ! Phillis, do you reckon dat a harp is hard to play ? Spose I ll 1 arn to pick it, ef I practise eb ry day. 1 1 2 GOING Hark! de angels is a-comin heah em fly, ker- swush ! Dere mus be a mons ous covey, comin wid a rush ! Heah em flyin down de chimbly! No, dat ain t de win You kain t heah em, kase yoah ears is stoppered up wid sin. Glory! Glory! Glory! I s a-gwine yes, I sa-g wine! I s de one dat s taken, you s de oder lef behin ! Angels is a stan in roun me, hoPin out dey han s! Now I sees de ribber Jordan, runnin in de san s. Don t you see dat angel, p intin at it wid his sword ? Hush! don t sturb me talkin I s a lookin fer de ford! BOOK IS DUE ON THE LAST DATE STAMPED BELOW AN INITIAL FINE OF 25 CENTS WILL BE ASSESSED FOR FAILURE TO RETURN THIS BOOK ON THE DATE DUE. THE PENALTY WILL INCREASE TO 5O CENTS ON THE FOURTH DAY AND TO $1.OO ON THE SEVENTH DAY OVERDUE. ^ DEC 14 ?S3 JAN 8 REC D LD 402223 UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LIBRARY