THE LIBRARY 
 
 OF 
 
 THE UNIVERSITY 
 
 OF CALIFORNIA 
 
 LOS ANGELES
 
 ECCENTRIC EFFUSIONS 
 
 CONSISTING OF 
 
 POEMS, 
 
 HUMOROUS, SATIRICAL, SENTIMENTAL, 
 AND MORAL. 
 
 WRITTEN 
 
 By J. H. PRINCE. 
 
 " Seria cum possirriy quod delectaniia malim 
 Htibere, tu causa es lector " martial. 
 
 lonDon; 
 
 SOLD BY THE AUTHOR, 6, OLD NORTH STREET, 
 
 RED LION SgUARE, HOLBORN, AND ALL 
 
 BOOKSELLEBS. 
 
 Price 2s. Qd. sewed. 
 1814.
 
 J. Peck, Printer, 29, Great B*th Strett, Ck>ld B«th SquWe.
 
 /5f 
 
 Lately published by the same Aiithot\ 
 
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 •>. The Life, Adventures, Pedestrian Excursions, 
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 Twenty Years Clerk to several Attornies, 
 
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 Lately published by the same Author, 
 
 and Minister of Bethesda Chapel. Written 
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 containing Strictures on the Administration 
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 at the above Office, respecting a Riot, As- 
 nault, and Robbery, committed by several 
 Members of the Society of Eccentrics ; witli 
 an Account of that Society, and Characters 
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 original humorous Anecdotes. Price 23. 6d.
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 Most of the following Poems have long- 
 since appeared before the tribunal of pub. 
 lie opinion, as will be seen by the notes 
 subjoined to each of them. They have 
 been inserted in works of great celebrity, 
 and which have had an extensive circula- 
 tion ; consequently the reader may, in 
 some of them, recognize aa old acquaint- 
 ance. I have now first collected them, and 
 added others, intending that they shall 
 (together with my other Poems already 
 collected and published, and my Prose 
 Essays gathered in like manner from the 
 different penodical works to which I ori- 
 ginally sent them) make a handsomk 
 POCKET Volume. From being mere fugi- 
 tives, I have thus brought them into a con- 
 gregated state, and hope the reader will 
 be as pleased to see them in company with 
 each other as he may have been to meet 
 them in a detached form.
 
 VI PREFACE. 
 
 Satire and ridicule are the principal 
 weapons I have used to combat the pre- 
 vailing folh'es of the day, and none are 
 more eflectual, provided they arc wielded by 
 a skilful hand, A celebrated author jnstly 
 observes— 
 
 — 'Tis satire gives die strongest light to sense, 
 To thought compression, vigour to the soul, - 
 To language bounds, to fancy due controul, 
 To truth the splendor of her aweful face. 
 To learning dignity, to virtue grace. 
 To conscience stings, beneath the cap or crown^ 
 To vice that terror she will feel and own. 
 
 The ensuing- trifles being the Author's 
 Eccentric Effusions on various occasions^ 
 cannot be supposed to exhibit much of 
 fancy or invention ; for, as a celebrated 
 writer remarks*, the occasional poet is cir- 
 cumscribed l)y the narrowness of his sub- 
 ject. Whatever can happen to a man has 
 happened so often, that little remains for 
 /hncymui invent icn. Not only matter hut time 
 is wanting. The poem must not be de- 
 layed till the occasion is forgotten. Oc- 
 , casional compositions may, however, secure 
 
 * See Dr. Jolinson's Lifeof Dryden.
 
 PREFACE. Vn 
 
 to a. writer the praise both of learning and 
 facility, for they cannot be the effect of long 
 , study, and must be furnished immediately 
 from the treasures of the mind. 
 
 Such as they are, however, they are pre- 
 sented to the reader with all due deference. 
 It is natural to be partial to our first pro- 
 ductions. I am therefore free to confess 
 that my Poems are dearer to me than my 
 other works — perhaps I may live to change 
 my mind. It is recorded of Haller (one 
 of the greatest geniuses that ever existed), 
 that he was so extremely attached to his 
 early poetry, that on a fire breaking out in 
 the house in which he resided, he rushed 
 into his apartment and reacuefl it from the 
 flames, leaving his other papers, with little 
 regret, to destruction. At a |ttture period 
 he was frequently heard tosaj^^that he had 
 preserved from the^jietm^^fhsoses compo- 
 sitions, which he then though tjlfe finest 
 productions of human geniuSj^pk ■ order 
 l^lfterwards to consign them tOH4i0Struction, 
 as \jnworthy of his pen *. 
 Lhndon, Jan, 1, J814. J. HljpRINCE. 
 
 * Cox's Travels in Switz«rBtnd.
 
 CONTENTS. 
 
 Page 
 
 ODE on the Death of a favorite Cat . . IS 
 Something New . . . . .16 
 
 Lines to a captive Mouse . . . .19 
 Epigram on Leaden Dumps . . . ^1 
 
 on the Devil .... ib. 
 
 Epitaph on a Cat . . . . .22 
 Spring, written in the Fields . . .25 
 On his Majesty's attempted Assassination . 26 
 On the Peace of Amiens .... 28 
 On the Recommencement of War . , 30 
 The Tradesman's Resolution . . .32 
 Oppression, a Song . . . .33 
 
 On the Disagreement of Relations . . 37 
 On the Necessity of Filial Love . .41 
 
 To Mr. K***n, on his ill Conduct . . 45 
 A Lash at certain Calumniators . . .45 
 Lines on a living Cat . . . .6.5 
 
 To Mrs. Gravely . . . . . 6f 
 
 Matrimony 69 
 
 Motto to a general Satire . . . .71 
 Extemporaneous Effusion* . . .72 
 
 Epigram on Law Papers . . . . 73 
 Epigrams on future Punishment . . id. 
 
 Hudibrastic Lioea . . . .75
 
 ECCENTRIC EFFUSIONS, 
 
 ODE 
 
 ON THE DEATH OF A FAVORITE CAT: 
 (Written at the Request of a Lady*,) 
 
 vTEKius of Gray t, direct my pen. 
 That, to the utmost of my ken J, 
 
 I may the praise resound. 
 Of Tom, who late a victim fell 
 To dire disease, and (sad to tell) 
 
 Lies buried under ground. 
 
 * First printed in the Lady's Magazine for De- 
 cember, 1799. 
 
 + Author of the celebrated El6gy in a Country 
 Church-5'^ard : he also wrote an Ode o&the I>eath 
 of a favorite Cat, in the $ame metre as theabov^r 
 
 % Knowledge.
 
 14 ECCENTRIC effusions; 
 
 Tom was, of all the tabby kind, 
 The most demure, the most inclin'd 
 
 To fondle and embrace : 
 He on one's knee would sit and play, 
 And purr applause the live-long day, 
 
 No sorrow in his face. 
 
 When little Johnny strok'd his back, 
 He had a most engaging knack 
 
 Of whirling round his tail : 
 The children lor'd him, far and near, 
 And, when he dy'd, each dropp'd a tear,- 
 
 Goodnature will prevail. 
 
 ^n enemy to none but mice. 
 
 He would not let them have a slice 
 
 Of bacon or of bread : 
 He watch'd them close, by night, by day. 
 Drove each nocturnal thief away, 
 
 And made him hide his head. 
 
 Xl'en words would fail me to rehearse 
 The praise of Tom in feeble verse : 
 
 Suffice it to relate, 
 He ever follow'd duty's call,- 
 A willing servant was to all, 
 
 Contented in his state.
 
 BY J. H. PRINCl. 15 
 
 But be it mentioned to his praise, 
 E'er I conclude these mournful lays, — 
 
 His honesty was such, 
 Though beef and pudding in galore, 
 Were left on table him before. 
 
 He never would them touch. 
 
 If qualities like these could save 
 A cat from an untimely grave, 
 
 Tom had not dy'd so soon ; 
 But virtue or in man or beast. 
 Will not, alas ! avail the least, 
 
 T' obtain so large a boon. 
 
 Let not the cynic knit his brow, 
 Because my muse descends so low 
 
 To praise a simple cat ; 
 But let him learn to imitate 
 Whate'er in Tom was good or great. 
 
 And be content with that.
 
 16 ECCENTRIC EFFUSIONS i 
 
 SOMETHING NEW*. 
 
 Something new is the cry 
 
 Of lov, p*^6ple and high ; 
 For old things no fondness they shew: 
 
 Bi?t the parson ahd friar, 
 
 The knight and the 'squire, 
 Cry out with one voice, " Something nexvJ' 
 
 The boy that's at school, 
 
 The wise and the Jholy 
 Still keep this sage maxim in view, 
 
 That nothing wil] please, 
 
 Or afford 'em much ease. 
 Unless it is something that's new. 
 
 The nobleman sends 
 
 His son from his friends. 
 To see the wide world, and to view 
 
 The manners of men, 
 
 And (as far at his ken 
 Will permit) to find something that's nav. 
 
 * First printed in the Lady's Magazine for 
 March, 1797, and afterwards in the Annual Vi- 
 sitor, vol. i. page 91.
 
 BY J. H. PRINCK. 17 
 
 The lover— he weds, 
 
 And his mistress he beds, 
 In both he does pleasure pursue ; 
 
 He expects nothing less 
 
 Than delicious excess, 
 And to find out a something that's new. 
 
 Our ladies so gay, 
 
 Who would figure away, 
 They'll go into shops not a few ; 
 
 When a bonnet they'd buy, 
 
 Mr. Bandbox (they'll cry) 
 Do, pray, shew us something that's new. 
 
 The mechanic will rack 
 
 His brains till they crack. 
 And every method pursue ; 
 
 With a view to his gains. 
 
 He'll take wonderful pains 
 To bring out a something that's new. 
 
 The democrat — he, 
 
 Whene'er in high glee. 
 Will utter predictions not few, 
 
 Respecting the fate 
 
 Of those kings who're his hate^ 
 Whilst he longs for a government fiew. 
 
 JB 3
 
 16 ECCENTRIC effusions: 
 
 The aristocrat 
 
 Will on politics chat, 
 But (hang him) to give him his due, 
 
 He's not su<:h an elf, 
 
 But he loves to get pelf, 
 And to find out emoluments new. 
 
 The merchant — he roves, 
 
 As well him behoves. 
 And ev'ry nation goes through ; 
 
 Pray what are his views 
 
 In all he pursues. 
 But to bring home a something thafs new ? 
 
 The barrister pleads, 
 
 And confusion he breeds, 
 When for client good cause he would shew; 
 
 For he'll chatter away 
 
 (Whilst his fees you will pay), 
 And find props to your case that are new. 
 
 The author's delight, 
 
 When he's in a good plight. 
 Is to set forth his learning to view ; 
 
 Then he'll ransack his brainy 
 
 And take infinite pains 
 To find out a subject that's new-
 
 BY J. H. PRINCE. 19 
 
 In short, sir, there's none, 
 
 When all's said and done, 
 But what will most firmly pursue 
 
 This maxim so rare— >• 
 
 The conclusion is fair: — 
 We're all pleas'd with something that's new. 
 
 LINES 
 
 TO A CAPTIVE MOUSE' 
 
 Pretty little captive mouse, 
 
 Why art thou dismayed ? 
 Whilst thou art within my house, 
 
 Thou shan't be betrajed. 
 No fell cat her paws shall rear, 
 
 Or approach to harm thee ; 
 Thou art safe, thou need'st not fear ; 
 
 So let nought alarm thee. 
 
 Want thou shan't for any thing, 
 
 That for mice is fitting ; 
 What is proper thee I'll bring. 
 
 Whilst thou there art sitting. 
 
 * First printed ia the Lady's Magazine for 
 July, 1800, and afterwards in the Annual Visitor, 
 vol. ii. p. 43.
 
 20 ECCENTRIC effusions: 
 
 Bread and cheese, and bacon too, 
 Thou shalt have in plenty : 
 
 With kind words I will thee soothe ; 
 Cannot this content ye? 
 
 Yet, methinks, thou say'st to me, 
 
 Ev'ry time I view thee : — 
 " Give me back my liberty, 
 
 Nothing else can soothe me ; 
 Liberty to me and thee, 
 
 Is the choicest blessing, 
 All without it, that I see. 
 
 Is not worth possessing." 
 
 Now you touch the proper key — 
 
 Yes, you answer wisely — 
 I adore sweet liberty 
 
 As you do precisel^y : 
 Therefore you shall not remain 
 
 Captive any longer ; 
 Instantly I'd break your chain, 
 
 Were it ten tim^s stronger.
 
 ftY J. H. PRINCEi ^l 
 
 EPIGRAM 
 
 Occasioned hy seeing Leaden Dumps in a Baker't 
 Window for sale, in a Time of Scarcity *. 
 
 Because there is a scarcity of breads 
 Tiie swinish multitude' must feed on lead; 
 Nor at this wholesome food turn up your 
 
 nose, 
 Of evils great, the least is to be chose. 
 Since for yourselves you're not allow'd to 
 
 carve. 
 You must eat dumps instead of bread— *ov 
 
 starve. 
 
 EPIGRAM 
 
 On denying the Personality of the Devil f. 
 
 Methinils their conduct ^mnst be very evil, 
 Who strenuously assert " there is no devily*' 
 Whose interest 'tis his being to deny. 
 For his non-entity will loudly cry ; , 
 
 And, fearing hell — to palliate despair, 
 Strive to believe — no devil will be there. 
 
 * Printed in the Annual Visitor, vol. i. p. 14. 
 t Printed in the Annual Visitor, vol. i. p. 94.
 
 2^ ecceKtric effusions: 
 
 EPITAPH ON A CAT*. 
 
 Here lies poor tom — of all the mewing race 
 By far deserving of the highest place ; 
 His virtues great, his qualities so rare, 
 My muse (the friend of catsf) would fain 
 declare. 
 
 Here lies poor Tom — who was as fine a figure 
 As any cat, while blest with health and 
 
 vigour ; 
 Tho* but twelve moons had passed o*er his 
 
 head, 
 Cut down he is, and numbered with the dead! 
 
 Here lies poor Tom, as good a mouser he, 
 
 As any cat you'd ever wish to see ; 
 
 Nor mouse nor rat could ever 'scape his 
 
 scenty 
 And once perceiv'd, to shades below they 
 
 went. 
 
 * First printed in the European Magazine for 
 1800, and afterwards in the Annual Visitor, vol. i. 
 p. 20. 
 
 t Alluding to the Author's having before writ- 
 ten ' An Ode on the Death of afavorite Cat.' See 
 ante pcige 13.
 
 BY J. H. PRINC£. 23 
 
 Here lies poor Tom, so affable a creature. 
 Goodnature you might trace in ev'ry fea- 
 ture ; 
 His ways so gentle, and his mien so mild. 
 As to be pleasing to the smallest child. 
 
 Here lies poor Tom, as sensible a beast, 
 As ever liv'd, from greatest to the least ; 
 His wonderful sagacity was such, 
 As made him be by all admired much. 
 
 When barrow-man, with meat, call'd at the 
 
 door, 
 Tom with alertness aflways ran before, 
 Up in the barrow jump'd and knaw'd the 
 
 meat. 
 None better pleas'd than Tom with such 
 
 a treat. 
 
 When Tom perceived his mistress going out. 
 He would prepare to follow her about ; 
 And if she went not far, he'd with her go. 
 And all the signs of satisfaction shew. 
 
 But Tom, with all his virtues on his head, 
 Js gone — Alas! alas ! poor Tom is dead !
 
 24 ECCENTRIC EFFUSrONS: 
 
 Goodnature, sense, or beauty could not 
 
 save 
 Poor Tom^ you see, from an untimely grave. 
 
 Cut down in youth, his death was prema- 
 ture; 
 No wasting sickness did his frame endure, 
 Or warning had he, for an hours space 
 Saw him in health, — and death o'erspread 
 his face. 
 
 Nor is it known how came he lo his fate, 
 For found he was a lifeless corse at gate ; 
 No marks of violence appear'd on view ; 
 Which for his death could one conjecture 
 shew. 
 
 Think how his owners must have felt the 
 
 shock. 
 To find their fav'rite lifeless as a stock ; 
 Their feelings bid defiance to my pen : 
 Judge ye of them, ye sympathetic tnen ! 
 
 His death a warning loud is meant to all ; 
 Ye sons of men, do not despise the call, 
 But, waving reasoning on this or thaty 
 Learn wisdom from the fate oi this poor cat.
 
 BY J. H. PRINCE. 25 
 
 SPRING. 
 
 Written March 24, 1791, in a Field near King* 
 ston Bridge, Surry *. 
 
 Sweet Spring appears to deck our land, 
 With choicest blessings in her hand ; 
 The birds again are on the wing, 
 And chee rf nil are heard to sing. 
 
 Nature again her carpet spreads, 
 The buds begin to shew their heads ; 
 Whate'er can charm our eyes is seen. 
 While all around is dress din green. 
 
 yVhat pleasant prospects now appear, 
 From Kingston Bridge, both far and near! 
 Here Hampton-wick, there Twick'nam's 
 
 seen. 
 While Thames, fair fiver, rolls between. 
 
 But I must leave this charming spot. 
 To dwell in London is my lot. 
 Oh ! had I but a small estate, 
 I'd live here happi/y if not great. 
 
 * Printed in the Annual Visitor, vol. i. p.u35. 
 
 c
 
 2(5 , ECCENTRIC effusions: 
 
 Yet, O my soul, contented be 
 I' the station God has placed thee ; 
 Submit unto his sov'reign plan, 
 Contented with the lot of man. 
 
 Remember that pure bliss below 
 Is not for mortal man to know ; 
 Not till he soars above the skies. 
 Can he attain so rich a prize. 
 
 VERSES, 
 
 On his Majesty's happy Escape from Assassim-'. 
 tion, May 15. 1800*. 
 
 i 
 When George escaped the assassin's blow,t 
 
 It made each British bosom glozv 
 
 With gratitude to God most high. 
 
 Who prov'd his shield when death was nigh. 
 
 * Printed in the Annual Visitor, vol. i. p. 95. 
 Also a large edition on a slip of paper, which 
 was sold for one penny each. 
 
 The assassination was attempted at Drury-lanc 
 Theatre by Hadfield, wlio has been ever sine* 
 coniiued in Newgate as an insane person.
 
 BY J. H. PRINCE. 27 
 
 On that event what joy was seen, 
 In old, in young, in every mien: 
 All ranks theii* gratitude bespoke, 
 That he surviv'd th' intended stroke. 
 
 In politics, howe'er averse, 
 
 ^// join'd his praises to rehearse ;' 
 
 *' God save the King !" all voices cry*d, 
 
 " God save the King !" each heart reply'd. 
 
 E'en Discord's self on that same day, 
 Held down his head, and stole away, 
 As if disgusted at the sight. 
 To see all hearts and tongues unite. 
 
 Ah ! monster never more return i 
 With filial love our hearts shall burn. 
 To George and to our country true, 
 Their int'rest still we'll keep in view. 
 
 No parti/ spirit hence shall fire, 
 Or fill our souls with vengeful ire ; 
 Our ftuds shall all forgotten be, 
 Content with George and Liberty.
 
 28 ECCENTRIC effusions; 
 
 STANZAS, 
 
 Occasioned ly the Treaty of Peace between Great 
 Britain and the French Republic •. 
 
 Whbn Storms, which long have swept th« 
 earth. 
 
 And hurl'd destruction on mankind, 
 Retire, and all that gave them birth, 
 
 Seems hush'd in silence and resign'd,'-<- 
 How welcome is the tranquil day ! 
 
 How charming is the cloudless sky! 
 Our grateful thanks we willing pay 
 
 To Him who sits enthron'd on high. 
 
 When pestilence, with all its train 
 Of dire diseases, long has strove 
 
 To mingle with the earth again 
 
 Those forms we so sincerely love, — 
 
 * Printed in the Morning Herald, (newspaper) 
 9th Oct. 1801. In the Annual Visitor, vol. i. p. 
 99 ; and on the back of the slip of paper contain- 
 ing the Verses on his Majesty's Escape from As , 
 sassination. — See ante page 86.
 
 BY J. H. PRINCE. 29 
 
 Its desolating carnage o'er, 
 
 See! how each breast with transport 
 glows, 
 To find its terrors are no more. 
 
 What gratitude supremely flows ! 
 
 Vf hen. famine, with gigantic pace, 
 
 Has through a land it» fury hurl'd,— 
 When want was seen in ev'ry face. 
 
 And all its horrors were unfurl'd,— 
 The dreadful scow^ge once more remov'd, 
 
 Lo ! how each visage brightens up, 
 More thankful for the blessings prov'd, 
 
 Since they partook the bitter cup. 
 
 So when War's long and cruel reign, " 
 
 Has delug'd all the earth with bloody 
 And on the species left a stain 
 
 Not to be cancel'd by a flood,- - 
 With what enthusiastic zeal 
 
 Must Brjtons hail the news of peace i 
 What joys extatic must they feel ! 
 
 Their grateful songs can never cease ! 
 
 Hail! goddess, hpil! may thy blest sway 
 Extended long o'er Britain be ; 
 
 Depart no more, but with us stay, 
 And we will ever honour thee, 
 c S
 
 30 ECCENTRIC effusions: 
 
 May no monopoUzwg band 
 
 Rob us of that which peace bestows ; 
 But Peace and Plenty, hand in hand. 
 
 Unite to yield us firm repose ! 
 
 STANZAS, 
 
 On the War which recommenced between Great 
 Britain and the French Republic in 1802 *. 
 
 The god of war unsheaths his sword. 
 And lo ! the nations at his word, 
 
 An hostile aspect wear ; 
 The goddess Peace, with placid mien, 
 Retiring far away is seen, 
 
 The cruel sight to spare. ^ 
 
 Ah me ! that I, who lately sung 
 Those pleasing themes f, which ev'rjr 
 tongue 
 With rapture did rehearse, 
 
 • Printed in the Annual Visitor, vol. ii. page 
 91 ; in the Censor, vol. i. page 72; and also a nu- 
 merous edition which was sold at a penny each. 
 
 t Alluding to the Author's having written 
 Stanzas on the peace. See page «8.
 
 BY J. H. PRINCE. 31 
 
 Should now so soon invoke my muse, 
 More plaintive numbers to infuse, 
 To tell the sad reverse! 
 
 But oh ! the fatal die is cast. 
 The dreaded news is come at last, 
 
 And slaughter must commence. 
 War, horrid war *, again will reign. 
 Again will boast his thousands slain. 
 
 And Peace be banish'd hence ! 
 
 The widozvd wifes distressing groan, 
 The tender orphans piteous moan. 
 
 Will soon our ears assail. 
 But this, nor e'en the poor mans cry. 
 Nor tears that start from ev'ry eye, 
 
 Can in the least prevail. 
 
 Ambitious Consul f! dare no more 
 
 To boast that thou wilt peace restore. 
 
 That thou wilt peace maintain J. 
 
 * "Bella, horidabella!" Horace. 
 
 t Bonaparte ; then First Consul of the French 
 Republic. 
 
 % He styled himself The Pacificator, and 
 boasted that he would make and maintain peace 
 •n the earth.
 
 82 - ECCENTRIC effusions: 
 
 Peace ill accords with thy desire ; 
 To mount up higher, and still higher, 
 O'er all mankind to reign. 
 
 But know that there's a God above, 
 A God of wisdom, power and love, 
 
 Who thy design foresees ; 
 And if thy motives are not pure, 
 Should'st tliow invade us *, then be sure 
 
 He'll drown thee in the seas. 
 
 THE 
 
 TRADESMAN'S RESOLUTIONf. 
 
 Neither gentle nor simple, 
 Nor pretty girl with dimple, 
 
 Shall ever have trust at my shop ; 
 'Tis a rule that I make 
 For my creditor's sake. 
 
 Lest into the King's Bench I pop. 
 
 * He threatened to invade us, and made great 
 preparations for it. 
 
 f Printed in tlic Annual Visitor, vol. i. p. 152.
 
 ■tY J. H. PRINCEi S3 
 
 OPPRESSION*. 
 
 A SONG. 
 
 (Tune— Murphy Delaney.) 
 
 Do you ask me to sing when the times are 
 so hard, sir, 
 Provision so dear, and the needful so 
 scarce ; 
 My song is but dull Fna afraid you will 
 think, sir, 
 Although you won't say it, I know, to 
 my face. 
 Oppression's my subject, I cannot conceal 
 
 it, 
 Which ne'er was more known than in 
 this plaguey day, 
 We all, more or less, sir, unhappily feel it 
 At present, but oh ! may it vanish away. 
 
 chorus: - 
 But a fig for old care, sir, to-day let's be 
 
 merry, 
 Aud e'en let to-morrow provide for itself. 
 
 * First printed in the Odd Fellow's Song Book 
 iox the year 1804.
 
 34 EccjENTRic effusions: 
 
 By the great of the land how we each are 
 oppress'd, 
 The wealthy, and titled, and such mighty 
 folk; 
 One would think that the devil these people 
 possess'd, 
 To lay on the pool* man so heavy a yoke. 
 The tradesman now finds it more hard to 
 subsist, sir; 
 To pay rent and taxes — keep wolf from 
 the door, 
 For the gentry so loth are to part with their 
 cash, sir; 
 Not gen'rous and noble as was heretofore. 
 Chorus — But a fig for old care, &c. 
 
 There's i/e men of a thousand a year, which i* 
 plenty, 
 For any one man that lives under the 
 moon, 
 They'll make a poor tradesman come times 
 more than twenty, 
 E'er they pay him, and then they will 
 think it too soon. . 
 And if, after calling ten times on the Squire^ 
 They remonstrate with him on his being 
 so long.
 
 BT J. H. PRINCE. 35 
 
 He bids them depart, and in furious ire, 
 Says he would not them pay were he ten 
 thousand strong. 
 Chorus — But a fig for old care, &c. 
 
 ,: n'^nh 
 
 Vet this very same man, he will cut a great 
 figure, 
 His town and his country house he will 
 have, 
 His pleasures so great, he'll pursue with 
 all vigor. 
 But the devil apennyjor creditors save. 
 Then there's some men of fortune who have 
 not got feeling, 
 WithoU-ffr om their servants their modicum 
 too: 
 Had I my will of 'em, I'd just send them 
 reeling 
 To the devil, who surely would pay them 
 their due. ' 
 
 Chorus — But a fig for old care, &c. 
 
 As to soldiers and sailors^ I can't speak 
 against them, 
 Their vices annoy not a soul but them- 
 selves ;
 
 36 ECCENTRIC effusions: 
 
 They're the bulwarks of Britain, so let us 
 defend them, 
 And those that refuse it must be sorry 
 elves. 
 Let us drive away care, and our glasses 
 recruit, sir. 
 And drink in a bumper the health of those 
 men: 
 May each soldier and sailor have plenty of 
 friends, sir, .iii'yi^-«m mrfiy<'A--y,ii mxt 
 And all their ill-wishers retreat to their 
 den. 
 
 CHORUS : 
 
 But a fig for old care, sir, /o-^%i let's be 
 
 merry. 
 And e'en let to-morrow provide for itself*, 
 
 * I wrote another song intitled * Botheration ;* 
 but having sold the copyright I forbear to insert 
 it in this work.
 
 BY J. H. PRINCE. 37 
 
 LINES 
 
 On the Disagreement of Relations*. 
 
 It is a truth which all may clearly see» 
 That near relations seldom e'er agree ; 
 And if, perchance, they hit on such a fate, 
 It is when many miles them separate ; 
 'Tis then by letters they each other queer, 
 And stiH indite * ipy Brother' — * sister dear;' 
 But if together they should chance to meet, 
 To dNvell wjthinonehouse, nay, in orie street, 
 You lind them tun^ t^ie tables on each other, 
 And change the tone to ' cruel sister' — 
 
 'brother.' 
 Honor la did reside in London town. 
 Of temper cheerful, not of much renown; 
 A sister fair he had,, who did reside 
 From that same place lijot more than m^ 
 
 miles M'ide, 
 A temper more reserved did her grace. 
 She also liv'd obscurely in that place; 
 But though their tempers did a little vary. 
 Still their agreeme;nt was notrauch contrary, 
 
 •*- Inserted in the first and second edi^tions of^tiic 
 Author's life; but not in the subsequent editions. 
 
 D
 
 38 ECCENTRIC effusions: 
 
 For while they at a distance thus did dwell. 
 In writing they could please each other well ; 
 Sometimes the subject matter would run 
 
 thus ; 
 My dearest brother do not slight me thus ; 
 *Tis now along time since I heard from you, 
 Tho' much I wished to know how you do. 
 Are pens and paper scarce, that you neg- 
 lect 
 To write to me ? or do you not inspect 
 The letters which I send ? or what's the 
 
 reason ? 
 Have I been guilty of some horrid treason? 
 Whate'er's the cause, I beg youll write to 
 
 me, 
 Or else on Sunday you my face shall see ; 
 *Tis just as bad as if I had no brother, , s, 
 For to have one, yet be in such a pother. 
 Now, hear Honor ia^ how in softer strain 
 He tries his sister's best esteem to gain : 
 He first recites the subject oi her letter, 
 Then says he thinks she should have rea- 
 
 son'd better. 
 *' My dearest sister, how you do begin, 
 As if I had been guilty of some sin : 
 Do you suppose that folks who'reiwMc/aa; 
 Will pass hy guineas to pick up a straw?
 
 BY J. H. PRINCE. 39 
 
 Or that to more advantage they can't write 
 Than letters to their friends anon indite ? 
 If you so think, I difler with you there, 
 Believing that much better they may fare: 
 Yet let us not, my sister, disagree, 
 Such trifles are as nought 'twixt you and me: 
 But, to return, you very well do know 
 That th' little of my time I can bestow 
 To write to you I gladly do embrace. 
 Yet time, with you, seems to get on apace. 
 Since you (by letter) charge me with delay, 
 Altho' a month has scarcely pass'd away 
 Since you receiv'd my last ; for if I'm rights 
 I wrote the same at nine o'clock at night ; 
 It also was the twenty-first of May, 
 I well remember (being my birth-day). 
 And now I also solemnly protest, 
 That as great love to you I have profess'd, 
 The same is real, and I wish to shew it 
 At all times, so as plainly you may know it: 
 Command me any thing, my sister dear, 
 That I can do, and you shall quickly hear 
 The same is done, to shew you I'm sincere. 
 
 Thus did Honoria to his sister write. 
 Who straight resum'd her pen with much 
 delight, 
 
 "( 
 
 j-,^^r*4(^> '>Tl*-t.4-fl
 
 40 ECCENTRIC effusions: 
 
 To thank him for his very tender letter, 
 And to assure him she nd)(v lik'd him better. 
 Who would suppose that folks who thus 
 
 agree'd 
 By letters, should not do the same in deed? 
 Yet so, alas! it really was I troM', 
 And that the sequel will too plainly shew. 
 Honoria thought it would be for the beStj 
 As he was of a house and goods possess'd^ 
 To have his sister 'long with him reside, 
 To keep his house, and do whate'er beside' 
 Might be found wanting, and to lead a life 
 In all respects, save one, just like a wife : 
 To wash his tea cups, and to clean his 
 
 rooms. 
 To purchase mops, hearth brushes, and 
 
 long brooms ; 
 To make his bed, also to light his fire, 
 And any other thing he should desire. 
 Thus having laid the plan on which to gO, 
 He msh'd his sister speedily to know ' 
 His good intentions, so to her he writes, 
 And, if 1 much mistake not, thus indites : 
 * My sister dear, I've hit upon a thought, 
 "Which linto me much comfort with it 
 
 brought;
 
 BY J. U. PRINCE. 41 
 
 And as it you concerns as well as me, 
 Attend awhile, and you the same shall see. 
 De sunt cetera. 
 
 ON THE • 
 
 NECESSITY OF FILIAL LOVE, 
 
 A FRAGMENT *. 
 
 In days of yore, when sons their duty knew, 
 And gave to parents what's a parent's due; 
 When sacred precepts men did more revere, 
 And, taught by them, their parents learn'd 
 
 to fear. 
 When 'twas not judg'd to be the least dis- 
 honor, 
 To love a sister, or di mother honor ; 
 When ev'ry relative fulfill'd his duty 
 Nor prey'd upon each other for a booty, 
 But would with ardent zeal each other bless 
 With reciprocal love and happiness. 
 
 * Inserted in the first and second editions of 
 the Author's Life, but left out of the subsequent 
 editions. 
 
 D 5
 
 42 ECCENTRIC effusions: 
 
 When rising in the world's esteem or wealth, 
 Was not thought ground to pass a friend 
 
 by stealthy 
 When 'twas not known — " Jack how d'ye 
 
 do to-day?" 
 " I know you not, sir, therefore get 
 
 away *." 
 Language like this, is common now you 
 
 know. 
 When a rich friend is met by one that's l(nt\ 
 But in the happy times above recited, 
 Men kept the vows which they each other 
 
 plighted. 
 In those blest days did young Gustavus 
 
 live. 
 Who to his parents did their tribute give ; 
 
 * Alluding to a humorous caricature exhibited 
 in the metropolis at the time the above was writ- 
 ten, intitled, " An old Friend with a new Face," 
 in which a man meets with an intimate acquaint- 
 ance, and accosts him as follows :— " My dear- 
 Jack, how d'ye do to-day ?" to which his IViend, 
 who had by this time got up in the world, an- 
 swers — " Ton my honor, sir, I don't know you; 
 I never saw you before in all my life !"
 
 BY J. H. PRINCE. 43 
 
 Conscious that they with care his youth 
 
 had fear'd, 
 Their words he heeded and their anger 
 
 fear'd. 
 
 De sunt cetera. 
 
 TO MR. K****T. 
 
 ON HIS ILL USAGE OF THE AUTHOR *. 
 
 Never shall Emy want a treat, 
 Whilst K****t lives in GreviMe Street ; 
 
 * The ill usage here alluded to was as follows : 
 Mr. K»«*n delivered to J. H. P. four numbers 
 of the Law Journal, with instructions to get as 
 many more numbers as were published, and bind 
 them. J. H. P. accordingly purchased the re- 
 maining numbers, being fifteen, which brought 
 the work down to No. XIX. inclusive, bound the 
 whole in three volumes, and sent them home with 
 his bill. K****t, the next day, told J. H. P. be- 
 fore three gentlemen, in an office where they
 
 44 ECCENTRIC effusions: 
 
 Nor Prince want one to wish his fall, 
 Whilst K***n,'s clerk atSk****rs' Hall. 
 
 were all brother clerks, that he had charged for 
 No. XIX. which, upon inquiri/, he found was 
 not even printed, (which was in fact charging 
 J.H.P. with being a very great rogue). J. H.P. 
 next day obtained the number in question, and 
 produced it to Mr. K. and two of the same gen- 
 tlemen, and by comparing it with the third vo- 
 lume in Mr. K.'s possession, convinced them that 
 it zeas included in that volume. Mr. K., instead 
 of apologizing for his very ungentlemanly conduct, 
 still acted more ungentlemanly, by refusing to 
 pay for the seven numbers contained in the third 
 volume, because J. H, P.'s binder had unfortu- 
 nately bound it before the volume was complete 
 (although J. H. P. agreed to waive any charge 
 for the binding of that volume.) As Mr. K, 
 «poke to J. H. P. before the other clerks, and in 
 so loud a tone of voice, that his employer, who 
 was sitting in an office below, must have lieard 
 what passed, it appeared obvious that he in- 
 tended to injure him, and was actuated hy envy and 
 spite. 3' H. P. therefore, as the cheapest re- 
 medy, resented it in the following lines, and dis- 
 tributed a copy to hinl, and also to each of the 
 clerks in the office, (twelve in number) as well as 
 tc the master,
 
 ' ' ii\ J. H. PRINCE. 45 
 
 But K****t's power, however strong. 
 Can tieter prove that flight is wrong; 
 Oi", that a book is not in print, 
 When at that very book we squint. 
 
 Bat with you take a friend's advice^ 
 I'll give it quick, and give it nice ; — 
 When you return to Dowgate Hill, 
 Let charity your bosom fill ; 
 Put far away all spleen and spite. 
 And I'll no more against you write. 
 
 LASH AT CERTAIN 
 
 CALUMNIATORS. 
 
 •'^ In order to understand the following Satire, 
 it is necessary the reader should he made ac- 
 quainted jcith the circumstances that gave rise 
 to it. 
 
 TrtE Author had been lonjj; intimately ac- 
 quaiiited with the family against whom
 
 46 ECCENTRIC effusions: 
 
 these lines were levelled ; he had been i ua- 
 moiired with the two daughters, and had 
 paid his court to each of them alternately 
 for several years, during which time he 
 had profusely squandered away his pro- 
 perty upon them, their mother, &c. till he 
 ab'solutely ruined himself. (See the Life of 
 J. H. Prince, page 208). The youngest 
 daughter was the last he paid his addresses 
 to ; — at length, seeing all his eflorts were 
 in vain, and that he could not obtain 
 either of the objects of his ardent love, 
 he withdrew himself entirely from the 
 connection, hoping iXvdt absence would abate 
 his passion. In this, indeed, he was mis- 
 taken — he found the maxim of the Duke 
 de Rochefoucault truly veriiied in his ex- 
 perience, namely — that absence^ though it 
 umylesseti moderate passions, wWMncrease 
 great ones ; like the wind; which blows out 
 tapers but kindles y/re*. However, what 
 absence could not alone do, he found that 
 and time together did accomplish. He at, 
 last so Jar mastered his inclination as to seek 
 for connubial liappiness in another object 
 worthy young woman (now his wif.*). 
 During his courtship with the last-men-
 
 BY J. H. PRINCE. 47 
 
 tioned person, and a few months before the 
 marriage was to have taken place, a report 
 was propagated that she was pregnant y and 
 it was, of course, insinuated that the per- 
 son with whom she kept company was the 
 cause. 
 
 On tracing the report to its source, he 
 found it originated from the family before 
 alluded to: what his feelings were upon 
 that discovery, can only be conceived by 
 those who have experienced similar treat- 
 ment. 
 
 Knowing his own innocence, and firmly 
 believing in that of the young woman's, he 
 determined to make it appear plain to 
 those who had been prejudiced against 
 him by the report, and he also determined 
 severely to lash the authors of it. In order 
 to the former, he got the young woman's 
 consent to put ofl' the marriage for several 
 months, that ocular demonstration might 
 be afforded of the fallacy of the charge — 
 after which, as she did .not increase in size, 
 he ventured to join hands with her, and it 
 was just eleven months^ to a day, before she 
 was delivered of an infant — a very fair dis- 
 proof of the above allegation ; and in order
 
 48 jjccENTRic effusions: 
 
 to chastise the authors of it, he wrote the 
 following lines, and sent copies to the 
 aggressors, as well as to many of tlieir 
 acquaintance. 
 
 The language was evidently dictated by 
 the keenest sensations, caused by detraC' 
 tion, and is such as the authjor is ^ell 
 aware he could never have produced in his 
 cooler moments : it was written on the very 
 evening that he had iirsl heard of the report, 
 
 " I wear my pen as others do their szcord, 
 *' To eacli aHVonting sot I meet, the word 
 " Is. SATISFACTION, Straight to thrusts 1 go,' 
 " And pointed satire runs him through and 
 " through:' 
 
 OLDHAM.. 
 
 Insults come closest when we them re» 
 
 ceive 
 From thoseuko are ourfricfids, as webeljeve; 
 At least from such, whose conduct we 
 
 suppose, 
 Place them far distant from the rank of 
 
 foes ; 
 To whom our choicest secrets we unfold. 
 To whom our sorrows and our joys, are told;
 
 BY J. H. PRINCE. 4^ 
 
 rn,> 
 in.) 
 
 When those deceive us, and against us turn, 
 Oh ! how it makes one's indignation bun 
 And from our bosoms we the vipers spun 
 
 Such are the foes which I have lately had, 
 Wlio came against me, while in friendship 
 
 clad. 
 Who wore that sacred garb but to deceive, 
 And wound my character beyond retrieve; 
 Who, Joab like, whilst kissing me would killy 
 And with distress essay\l my soul to fill : 
 Such are the foes, whose treach'ry I re- 
 hearse. 
 To tell of which 1 prostitute my verse. 
 What could you mean my cliaracter to 
 wound. 
 As bad as hunted hare torn by the hound? 
 What could you mean, 'gainst mesuchlieS 
 
 to broach? 
 How could you dare such falsehoods to 
 
 avouch ? 
 Would nothing less than finch black infamy \ 
 Serve your base turn, for to impute to me, v 
 But must I with the foulest calumny die? J 
 For sure the charge which you against 
 me bring, 
 Is, beyond doubt, a most atrocious thing. 
 
 R
 
 50 ECCENTRIC EFFUSIOJ^^S: 
 
 A thing, which scarce a worlclling* yvoulii 
 
 practise, 
 Though skill'd in all the mysteries of vice; 
 Whose conscience, by continual custom 
 
 sear'd, 
 Is capable of cruelties unheard ; 
 Who, lost to all impressions that are good, 
 JEnjoys his sins — more than his daily food : 
 E'en such as those feel something like an. 
 
 awe, 
 When near unto a virgin pure they draw; 
 Their gestures, manners, ways and looks 
 
 are such. 
 As must forbid the rakes tmhallozv^d touch ; 
 He sees them — and at once he stands 
 
 aloof. 
 He meets a silent, but a just reproof; 
 And (whether 'tis what righteous Heav'n 
 
 ordains, 
 To keep pure virgins free from guilty stains; 
 Or whether 'tis what naturally attends 
 Virginity y and safely it defends ;) 
 
 • A term used by the religious world to signify 
 a man that throws off all restraint, and makes no 
 pro/miow of religion.
 
 UY J. H. PRINCE. hi 
 
 A Icind of sacred fear does him surround 
 The villain thinks he stands on holy 
 
 ground, 
 
 And runs where bol^Ier lasses may be 
 fotrad. 
 
 What could induce you, then to think 
 that I 
 Could e'er practise stich gross iniquity ? 
 Is there that monster — is there one so vile. 
 To be fcurid out in tlngland''s happy isle, 
 That would the sacred name of Christ pro- 
 fess, 
 Vet guilty be of such licentiousness? 
 'Bove all, that would attempt to stand 
 
 and preach *, 
 And chastenessy temperance, love, and mercy \ 
 teach, I 
 
 Whilst he of all liv'd in the very breach ?J 
 Sure so deprav'd a nature none can have, 
 Such acts the Devil himself conld not out- 
 brave. 
 As well might he instruct us to oe humble^ 
 Who for his pride, we know, from fiea;ven 
 did tumble. 
 
 The Andi<!)ir was -attihftt 'time a f*!i*eacher. 
 
 1
 
 52 ECCENTRIC effusions: V 
 
 As well might he cry up his moderation, 
 Who, in a grievous lit of sore temptation^ 
 Held up his list, which plainly wrath be- 
 spoke. 
 And nearly kill'd his wife at the first stroke. 
 Only because she call'd him a few names, 
 And threw a little fire at his brains *. 
 J hate the crime, and I would hate the 
 
 mun, 
 But that I dare not — yet his sin lean, 
 And will detest that would so cruel be, 
 As any harudess virgin to betray. 
 And take her mrtue and her all away. 
 Curse on that miscreant, if there such 
 exist, 
 Let him no longer stain the human list ; 
 Or if he lives, let woes unnumber'd roll, 
 And storms of infamy, without controul. 
 Upon him lighten, and afflict him so 
 That he may nothing but keen sorrow 
 
 know, - ( 
 
 Until that basest crime he shall forego. 
 
 Again I ask — how came you to invent 
 Such lies about me? — was it to foment 
 
 I 
 
 • Alluding to one concerned in propagating 
 the report, who actually treated his wife thus.
 
 fiY J. H. PRIN'CE. 5^ 
 
 The hatred and the malice di all tho^e 
 
 Who wanted an occasmi to be foes ; 
 
 Who gladly Would cottte IbrWard 't6 \\A- 
 
 peach 
 The inan whoih envy hated to he^^r ^i-eiichr* 
 
 But why do 1 s6 triUch mterrttgate, 
 Or want yoiir ^u'swet 'bdttt my hapless 
 
 fate ? 
 Are ttbt the rt?^,*?rths icibVlbUs \Vhy ytiuir 
 
 spite 
 Should be wrought up lo siiich Hti horrid 
 
 height ? 
 I've now no house fbi- you to liiake ybtir 
 
 home, 
 I do not now ihvite vdit all to come 
 To breakfast, nor to dine, nor yet to tea, 
 ]\or with my property to make so free 
 As formerly I had, and did you know 
 So cordially on each of you bestow ; 
 No sconces to light up each side my glass,*! 
 No fowls aiid bacon for to treat m^ 
 
 lass. 
 Nor bowls of rum and water 'bout to pass: 
 While birth-day rhymes in imi^on did 
 
 chime, 
 And with the clack of serjeatht!^ Whitfe kept 
 
 time; 
 
 E 5 
 
 ^S,| 
 
 is; J
 
 54 ECCENTRIC effusions: 
 
 No next-door neighbours, to pop in and 
 
 take 
 Whate'er you want to use for friendship's 
 
 sake * ; 
 No mugs to break, no images to smash, 
 No salt and pepper in the pot to dash ; 
 No coals to filch, no saucepans for to 
 
 borrow, 
 And no flat-irons, to return to-morrow, 
 Unless they're stole away to my great 
 
 sorrow : 
 
 But what is worse than all, no books to lend, 
 Nor yet to keep, for the sake of my dear 
 
 • friend ; 
 No horse and chaise before the door to 
 
 stand, 
 No one my daughter Betsy in to hand. 
 Nor yet Miss Sally — she, alas ! poor dear! 
 Has had no pleasure for almost a year. 
 Nor will have any more, I sadly fear : 
 The case is alter'd very much indeed ; 
 From what ill planet, pray, could it pro- 
 ceed ? 
 
 • Alluding to the principal person concerned 
 in propagating the above falsehood, who had 
 lived next door to the author, and had made free 
 to borrow (without his leave) the articles above 
 mentioned.
 
 BY J. H. PRINCE. 55 
 
 Alas ! no journies now to Hampton Court, 
 In one-horse chaise, nor yet a pleasant 
 
 route 
 To Vauxhall gardens, gliding in a boat ; 
 And when in hackney coach we back did 
 
 come, 
 But would not let it set us down at home, 
 Lest for to' talk it should give people 
 
 room; 
 Because we should have prudence in these 
 
 matters. 
 To eat our meat, and yet keep clean the 
 
 platters : 
 No royal twelfth-cake now the tables 
 
 grace, 
 
 Surrounded by the artful mocking race C 
 Of sham nobility, with joyful face, ^ 
 
 Who, pleas'd with their sham king and 
 
 queenships were. 
 But much more with the wine and twelfth- 
 cake fare: 
 No more halfpounds of chocolate to drink. 
 Because there's none to pay for them the 
 
 chink. 
 None of those things, for certain, can be 
 
 found 
 Which made your hearts with joy so often 
 bound 
 
 I
 
 56 ECCENTRIC effusions: 
 
 As you partook thereof— yet while you ieat, 
 You sneered at the fool who gave the treat; 
 Laugh'd ill your sleeves, to think how he 
 
 was gull'd, 
 And by your fiatt'ry into folly lull'd : 
 Though you i\\e epithet oi genrous us'd, 
 You still that ^(?«ero«Vj/ abus'd ; 
 Tistrue, the truth you once, and but once 
 
 spoke ; 
 Infatuated vmW d me, as a joke, 
 But that one wordyour very /?6wr^*bespoke. , 
 Infatuated! true, I was indeed, 
 Or by the nose 1 n'er should have been 
 
 led. 
 As I, by your whole family havt- been, 
 Not only to extravagance but sin; 
 Yes, into^/w— I dot again assert. 
 Nor can yoii any way the charge avert ; 
 To spend my money and to Avaste my titne, 
 To pass in vain pursuits my youthful 
 
 l)rime. 
 To feast youi*selves at my expensive cost. 
 And lauglr that all my labour should be 
 
 lost; 
 As knowing that 1 did it all to gain 
 The love of those, whose love I sought in 
 
 vain.
 
 ilY J. H. PRINCE. 37 
 
 "Who never meant to wed with me from first, 
 Although they knew my motives were so 
 
 just : 
 " But why are we to blame ?" is still your 
 
 strain, 
 *' That you did spend your money thus in 
 
 vam? 
 I answer, 'cause you knew that what I 
 
 did 
 From love proceeded to the youngest kid *; 
 She knew 1 lov'd her, and the coquette- 
 
 play'd, 
 In all the guise of innocence array 'd, 
 And thus my unsuspecting- heart betray'd* 
 Yet I was told by her most near ally -j"; 
 She said she hated me most perfectly ; 
 More shame to mvn it! and yet suffer me 
 To go out often in her company. 
 Still suffer me my money to expend, 
 And receive presents from me without end ; 
 All this and hate me! — Heav'ns! what a 
 
 cnme 
 
 Is such a monster living in this clime ? 
 
 * Elizabeth ; the author paid his addresses to 
 her the last. See page 4G. 
 
 * Her brother.
 
 68 ECCENTRIC effusions: 
 
 Ah ! what a fool was I e'er to give way 
 
 Unto a passion that led nie astray! 
 
 I'm justly serv'd, and shouki if I'd been 
 
 burl'd, 
 With all my sins, into the other world ; 
 Yet, O ye vile, ungrateful race ! give ear, 
 Think not your conduct will a scrutiny 
 
 bear, 
 When you shall stand before a Judge severe. 
 You have drank deep into iniquity. 
 To add to all the rest this villainy, 
 Of branding me with infamy and shame ; 
 And injuring a spotless virgins fame. 
 Such crhnes no more can punishment 
 
 escape, 
 Than tliat vile villain who commits a rape, 
 But now I've done — for sure I've said 
 
 enough, 
 And must expect the poet you will hnff: 
 " What can thefellow mean ?" is mother'scry. 
 For to insulins with his poetry; 
 I thought he could not write on aught but" 
 
 love. 
 And that his muse could never soar above 
 The calm abode of Venus s alcove. 
 1 know he sometimes us'd to please my 
 
 daughter, 
 And, e'en in me excite a lit of laughter ;
 
 BY J. H. PRINCE. 59 
 
 \n birth-day rhymes ^wfi\\ fulsoma \iKdi\fiQ he 
 
 spoke 
 As made it obvious it was all a joke ; 
 Yet 'cause it did not 'gainst us militate, 
 We left him to his mad poetic fate ; 
 And cause the ready rhino he came down, 
 We sometimes told him that he wise was 
 
 growrif 
 And that his wisdom in his lines was 
 
 shown ; 
 Which praise such wonderful attraction'^ 
 
 had, 
 His muse was presently in mourning clad 
 And on my cousin Joe some lines I had ; 
 For now I recollect, if that he pleas'd. 
 He could write verses on a friend deceas'd, 
 Kecite how he in wisdom's ways did run. 
 E'en when his earthly race was just begun; 
 And how his earthly and his heav*uly raccj 
 Did with each other evenly keep pace. 
 What sad afflictions did him surround. 
 Also what sore temptations here he found ; 
 And if I on my mem'ry can rely. 
 How Satan teaz'd him 'bout a mutton pye^j 
 Also, how on election he was griev'd>, 
 Until by, Mr. Banks he was reliev'd ; 
 
 y
 
 60 ' ECCENTRIC effusions: 
 
 And various other things too much to 
 
 mention, 
 As, if repeated, they would cause deten- 
 tion : 
 And now, likewise, him justice for to do, 
 He also his poetic blood did shew. 
 In writing verses on a certain preacher, 
 "Who went to Arston, there to be a 
 
 teacher : 
 I knew him well, and so did my son Joet 
 They were as intimate as any two ; 
 Nay, Jonathan and David, I am sure. 
 Were not united in more friendship pure;] 
 Yet, by the bye, I could not him endure: 
 But why was it?— because you know he 
 
 said 
 Ml/ house a nurs'ry for yoiwg plants was made ; 
 Which saying — for ironically he spoke — 
 Evinc'd a meaning far beyond a joke. 
 And from that time my friendship off was 
 broke. 
 
 But tliough he could upon those subjects 
 dwell, 
 I never thought he could write satire well. 
 Because I did conceive that if he cou'd, 
 He might have had occasions that were good;
 
 ith his fist, ^ 
 fs izvist, ? 
 miss'd : J 
 
 b\ J. H. PRINCE. 61 
 
 For instance now, when Compton did' 
 
 offend, 
 And from the country after him did send 
 A letter, most calumniously penn'd*. 
 How justly might he then his sword have 
 
 drawn. 
 And with keen satire the rebel torn ; 
 Or when Will Davis did a challenge send 
 To light him, for the sake of his dear friend, 
 Ifhecoulduothavefoughthim with his fist. 
 He might have given him apoef 
 And his anfafiamfii his aim had 
 Or wjien my daughter Betsy did withstand 
 His earnest suit, refusing him her hand ; 
 As disappointed love is very apt 
 To seek revenge — -how Avas it he had not 
 
 clapp'd 
 A satire on us, and our hmeMesrappd? 
 
 "But so it was, in all these things, I vovr. 
 He did not once the least invective shew ; 
 ^V hich made nje think he was a stivgkss 
 
 dronCy 
 And that rexens^c he certainly had none ; 
 
 • See an Answer to this Letter in the author's 
 work, entitled " Original Letters and Esiays/' 
 page 36. 
 
 F
 
 1 
 
 62 ECCENTRIC effusions: 
 
 But that I was mistaken now I see, 
 As also that in this he points at me, 
 Which makes me shake, just like a pop- 
 lar tree ; 
 
 And now, my children, what must we do, 
 For that you see he also points at you ? 
 We're all involved in the common guilt, 
 We all his pointed satire have felt, 
 And something we must do 'tis very plain, 
 To stop his mouth, or else he'll write 
 
 again, 
 And put our tender souls to greater pain : 
 For, by the bye, you know he's cause to 
 
 curse 
 His ragged fate, and every one of us. 
 And as we're by ourselves, I do not mind"j 
 To tell you, that he certainly was blind, 1 
 Or, to us, he would ne'er have been so f 
 kind. J 
 
 But now the question that's to be debated 
 Is, by what springs shall we be actuated; 
 He is a Lawyer, and 'twill be no use 
 l^o prosecute him fOr his vile abuse. 
 He knows. the whole chicanery of the law 
 So well, that we no good from thence shall 
 draw;
 
 BY jr. H. PRINCE. dd 
 
 He'll twist and twirl till he slips through 
 
 our hands, 
 And leave us hobbl'd in our own wrought 
 
 bands ; 
 Besides, the dog (but stay — what was't I 
 
 said? 
 The dog— for that an action can't be laid ;) 
 I say the dog his story so has told, 
 That of one word we can't take any hold ; 
 And if we could, we must have sharpest 
 
 teeth 
 To keep our hold, wben he brings forth his 
 
 brief; 
 He would so good a case make out, I fear, 
 Before the court, that we should pay most 
 
 dear ; 
 Because you know ihdii facts are stubborn 
 
 things, 
 And if such facts before the court he 
 
 brings, ^ 
 
 I would not be there for the wealth of 
 
 kings ; 
 
 Yet how a lucky thought my head has hit. 
 Which sure the business to a hair will fit.- - 
 I said we could not help ourselves — did I? 
 But we've a poet in our family ; 
 
 1
 
 04 ECCENTRIC effusions: 
 
 Or if not poet, a pretender to it, '■'' - ' " 
 Who tries, by rhymingall he can, to shew it ; 
 I mean your dearest brother, for you know 
 He wrote some verses on mi/ Lord Mayors 
 
 shm.); 
 He likewise did compose a work I hear ; 
 D'ye call it poetry or p7^ose, my dear? 
 On your society, you know, 'twas penn'd, 
 Respecting its utility and end ; 
 How many objects were thereout reliev'd, 
 How many ruin d families retriev'd ; 
 With many other things you best can tell, 
 Which from his pen on that occasion fell ; 
 And now, if he such things as these can 
 
 write, 
 Another subject sure he may indite ; 
 Let him attempt in satire to appear. 
 And that he'll have success I do not fear ; 
 Who knows ? — he may cut up that hob- 
 bling cur. 
 And cast upon him an effectual slur;' 
 But mind that all his darts are levell'd sure 
 At \h?iiyoung Lawyer, whom I can't endure*' 
 Let all his bolts be thunder'd at his head. 
 And all his curses on the victim shed, 
 Until he leaves him in the field for dead 
 
 leadj-^ 
 
 '' [ 
 
 ad; J
 
 BY J. H. PRINCE. 65 
 
 This thiug dispatch'd, I've nothing else to 
 
 fear, 
 Let's have a dram, our drooping hearts to 
 
 cheer. t 
 
 LINES 
 
 Addressed to a living Cat, and to a Cat living at 
 Bristol. 
 
 (Written at Bristol at the Request of her Mistress.) 
 
 O CAT ! thy virtues to rehearse, 
 Does honor to my feeble verse ; 
 Sure never cat was like to thee, 
 Such qualities in you I see; 
 So kind, so faithful, and so good, 
 You must be born of noble blood ; 
 So restless after rats and mice, 
 You scent, then kill 'em in a trice, 
 If at them you can get, and if not, 
 Your mistress moves away the black pot 
 At your request, who, purring, ask 
 Her to perform that grateful task. 
 
 F 5
 
 6(5 ECCENTRIC effusions: 
 
 You watch your mistress while asleep, 
 And on her breast most faithful keep. 
 
 O, Cropps */ still may you long survive 
 All other cats that near you live ; 
 When they lie mould'ring in the dust, 
 May you drink 7}iilk to quench your thirst ; 
 While they are rotting in the grave, 
 Mny you the house from vermin save ; 
 But that you 7nayy be careful, Cropps^ 
 When into chair your master pops, 
 You swiftly from that chair descend, 
 Lest crush'd you are and meet your end. 
 A burnt child dreads the sight of fire, 
 And you did nearly once expire ; 
 By stopping in the chair too long. 
 When down your master sat so strong' ; 
 Be careful, then, of master s chair — 
 I'll say no more to you this year. 
 
 CATEONIUS. 
 
 * The name of the cat.
 
 ' BY J. H. PRINCE. 67 
 
 TO MRS. GRAVELY, 
 
 On her desiring a Letter from the Author, to take 
 to his Friends at Wheeley in Essex. ■ ^^ ^ 
 
 My dear Mrs. Gravely, how sorry am I, 
 I've not time for a letter, which would 
 
 gratify 
 Yourself and your husband, uncle, aunt^ 
 
 Nance and I. 
 I say nothing of IVilUam and Bet, and 
 
 Tim Cook, 
 Because they are far off, and can't have a 
 
 look, 
 But when I see Wheeley, I'll bring each a 
 
 book. 
 As to Dick, he's a bad and undutifuf 
 
 boy,^ 
 And the news of his conduct does much 
 
 me annoy, 
 I^or it seems he is not like to give you 
 
 much joy. 
 
 I hear, and I hear with the greatest concern, 
 That when from Languard iw/.poor BiU 
 
 did return,
 
 OO ECCENTRIC EFFUSIONS: 
 
 Richard treated him more like a stranger 
 
 than brother^ 
 Sure in the whole village there's not such 
 another ; , 
 
 That when he went back he refus'd him a 
 
 shillings 
 Though he stood much in need, and to take 
 it was willing, 
 j I hear, what is worse, that his parents he 
 ' treats 
 
 With neglect, and his money he spends in 
 
 • the streets. 
 
 Though twenty-four shillings a week is his 
 
 pay. 
 
 He only gives one for his board ev'ry day 
 To his parents, but how he consumes all 
 
 the rest 
 My7jwse must not tell, though shie shrewdly 
 
 has guess'd. 
 Ye parents, a lesson from this urchin 
 
 learn ; 
 lie was treated more kindly than any one »- 
 
 bairn *, 
 And only behold wliat a famous return ! 
 
 
 * riiiici.
 
 bV j. h. prince. 69 
 
 Never look upon one o.'&yourfav rite child y 
 By excluding the others from treatment 
 
 as mild ; 
 If you should you'll deserve, and, perhaps, 
 
 you will find 
 That, like Dich they'll turn out most com' 
 
 pktcly unkind. 
 
 MATRIMONY. 
 
 On the Author's pecuniary difficulties Three Months 
 after he was married. — See his Life, vol. l.p. 232. 
 
 Three months had scarce pass'd since the 
 
 nuptials took place, 
 Between a Quill-dri'ver* and Misspreftyface : 
 When, lo! they perceiv'd, to their very 
 great sorrow, 
 Their cash was declining, 
 Which set them a pining. 
 And racking their brains, where some more 
 they should borrow. 
 
 Young Quill-driver he had a sister so fair. 
 Unto whom, with his wife, he in haste did 
 - repair, 
 
 * The author was then air attorney's clerk.
 
 70 LCCENTRic effusions: 
 
 When straight they repeated their pitiful 
 case, 
 That though they were married 
 And nought had miscarried, 
 No more than three halfpence their pockets 
 did grace. 
 
 His sister reply'd, with her usual good- 
 nature, 
 
 Whilst nought but was pleasant was seen 
 in each feature, 
 
 *• You never shall want whilst a shilling 1 
 have: 
 At your service it shall be 
 Whilst you friendly I see ;" 
 
 Thus ended her speech, which vi'as noble 
 and brave. 
 
 So saying, she gave them a good piece of 
 bread, ^ 
 
 With part of a candle to light them to 
 
 bed ; 
 And afterwards too, which was certainly 
 best. 
 She had them dismissal. 
 With two pence in each fist, 
 And they to theii^home did retire to rest. 
 
 r
 
 ITY J. H. pri:nce. 71 
 
 LINES, 
 
 INTENDED AS A MOTTO TO A GENERAL 
 SATIRE. 
 
 'd:*;iOt' 
 
 Pills to be swallowed by all 
 
 Whose constitution they may suit. 
 
 Unto the palate they're as gall, 
 But when digested pleasant fruit. 
 
 Though bitter they may seem at first. 
 Yet taste and try, for aught you know 
 
 They may be pleasant when they burst. 
 And great delight on you bestow. 
 
 If after you have taken one, 
 It should not seem for to agree. 
 
 Be not discourag'd — still go on. 
 
 For various kinds below you'll see. 
 
 Cqme, try another, and you'll find, 
 My life for yours, 'twill do you good, 
 
 'Twill prove an antidote most kind — 
 'Twill be more precious than your food.
 
 72 ECCENTRIC effusions; 
 
 EXTEMPORANEOUS EFFUSIONS. 
 
 I WENT home to-day, before 'twas my time, 
 
 And found all my clerks were trying to 
 rhyme, 
 
 Which did so provoke me, most roundly I 
 swore, 
 
 And turn'd one by one out of the street- 
 door. 
 
 Says JFhite to Jack Prince^ " if with me 
 you will dine, 
 
 I'll give you some beefsteaks and excellent 
 wine : ' — 
 
 Aqswer'd Prince- -" If from Rickman's * 
 I should get away, 
 
 I'll dine with you, }Vhite^ with great plea- 
 sure to-day." 
 
 ' The person with whom he was then clerk.
 
 BY J. H. PRINCE. " 73 
 
 EPIGRAM, 
 
 On some Law Papers being placed on the top of « 
 Bookcase, in rchich were Divinity Books. 
 
 "Thk Gospel should he put above the LofWi 
 Said Pow to Frirtee, " but 't does my won- 
 der draw, 
 To find you guilty of so great a fault, 
 The Law above the Gospel^ you exalte 
 
 EPIGRAMS, 
 
 ON MR. WINCHESTER'5 DOCTRINE Ol' 
 LIMITED PUNISHMENT. 
 
 Thejirst written by C. DIBDIN, jun. 
 The second, in ansicer to it, by J . H. PRINCE. 
 
 Sinner ! here's glorious news for thet*— 
 Shi on, and banish all thy fears; 
 
 Thou It not be punish'd to Eternity— 
 On! f about a/t hundred thousand years. 
 
 Tin aUEER, 
 G
 
 74 ECCENTRIC EFFUSIONS : 
 
 ANSWER 
 
 To THE F0REG0IN6 EPKJRAM. 
 
 TiMMY Queer ! here's news for thee; 
 
 Write on, and banisli all thy fears : 
 Sinners are punish'd to Eternity — * 
 
 Yet not above an Jmndred thousand years. 
 
 * The Hebrew word gnolam, and the Greek, 
 aionioHy rendered by our divines eternal, everlast- 
 ing, &«. &c. do not always signify an absolute 
 endless duration. There are three eternities 
 spoken of m Scripture ; the first is that which is 
 applied to the Deity, which we know (fronj the 
 nature of the being to whom it is applied) means 
 without begining and without end; the second 
 is that which is applied to the happiness of be- 
 lievers, the existence of the soul, &c., which 
 means a period, which though it had a beginning, 
 yet, having its root in Go J, shall have no end ; and 
 the third is that which is applied to this world, the 
 natural life of man, and various otiierthings men- 
 tioned in Scripture (not to say any thing about 
 the torments of the damned), which means a pe- 
 riod which both had a begining, and in conse- 
 quence, there being no express revelation to the 
 contrary, must have an end. — See " The Ever- 
 lasting Gospel," by Siegevoik, Winchester's Dia- 
 logues, &c.
 
 BY J. H. PRINCE. 75 
 
 , HUDIBRASTIC LINES, 
 
 OCCASIONED BY THE FOLLOWING CIR- 
 CUMSTANCE. 
 
 A Picture-frame-maker, Carver and Gilder, 
 who rented one of my siiops, decamped, not only 
 leaving me in the lurch, hut also every trades- 
 man with whom he dealt. It was truly ludicrous 
 to witness the different inquiries that were made 
 ^ after him as soon as his flight was known. It 
 would have been an excellent subject for a cari- 
 caturist, to have pourtrayed the different visages 
 that were exhibited on the occasion. Being not 
 a little piqued myself at losing my rent, in order 
 to shame him, 1 turned the whole into doggrel 
 rhyme as below, and affixed it to the shutters, 
 where it remained and was gaped at by crowds of 
 people. for several weeks, till [ got possession of 
 the premises and let them to another tenant. 
 
 Run AWAY', 
 Did not pay 
 Me nor they : 
 
 viz. 
 
 Baker took in- 
 What a sin!
 
 70 ECCENTRIC EFFUSIONS. 
 
 Butcher cheated — 
 How he bleated ! 
 Coahnan diddl'd— 
 How he tiddl'd ! 
 Chandler humbugg'd — 
 Shoulders ht shrugg'd. 
 Glazier done — 
 Glorious fun ! 
 Milkman's scqre— 
 How he swore ! 
 Publican misled— 
 Shook his knowino- head ; 
 Seamstress a shilling — 
 Curse such a villain! 
 4th May, 1811. droldnal 
 
 That is Landlord, backwards. 
 
 FINIS. 
 
 J. Peck, Primer, 29, Great Balh Street, Cold Bath Square.
 
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