HHlRf BBB mm Ft fiiMX2T><7 miHMKIUm&mmWmmm -:.', %f/i|ul A A >l A >\AJ, A-XA^s ^i^H^r^^^ nBolMii MMM^B9lE^B^9iH^Bl ---,-^ y > I , University of California Berkeley THE LIBRARY OF THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA PROFESSOR GEORGE R. STEWART OF THE Best Sog^ty, INCLUDING Letter Writing, Invitations, &c., also valuable suggestions on Self Culture and Home Training. BY RICHARD A. WELLS, A. M. INTRODUCTION BY REV. WILLARD E. WATERBURY. ILLUSTRATED. CLARK PUBLISHING CO. OMAHA, NEB. KING, RICHARDSON & CO. SPRINGFIELD, MASS. 1891. COPYRIGHT, 1890, BY J-CINO, RICHARDSON & CO. SPRINGFIELD, MASS. Sold only by our Authorized Agents. PREFACE. ANNERS constitute the language in which the biography of every individual is written. There is no one subject of to- day which embodies more prac- tical interest to people in gen- eral, than a knowledge of the rules, usages and ceremonies of good society. A lack of this knowledge is felt by almost every individual, whether in the city or country, at home or abroad. True politeness is not a code of superficial rules, arranged and trimmed up for particular occasions, and then set aside at our pleasure. Polite manners and true culture are expressions of the heart, and have their foundation in the Golden Rule. If this rule is not the guide of our life, then our 10 PREFACE. politeness is entirely superficial, and void of natural- ness. Nature is always graceful ; fashion, with all her art and glitter can never produce anything half so pleas- ing. The very perfection of elegance is to imitate nature; how much better to have the reality than the imitation. Anxiety about the opinions of others always fetters our freedom and tends to awkwardness. We would always appear well if we never tried to assume what we do not possess. Madame Celnart says : " The grand secret of never- failing propriety of good manners and culture is to havo an intention of always doing right." There are persons who seem to possess the instinct of courtesy to so high a degree as to require no in- struction or practice in order to be perfectly polite, easy and graceful. Most people, however, require some rules as to the best and most appropriate manner of expressing that which they may feel. In the cultivation of heart and developing character, Rules of Etiquette are then essential. To acquire a thorough knowledge of these matters, and to put that knowledge into practical use with per- fect ease and freedom, is what people call "good breeding." In the preparation of this work, the object has been to present the rules and usages which govern and mould the most refined society of America, and to im- part that information by which any one may be ena- PREFACE. n bled to acquire the perfect ease of a gentleman, or the gentler manners of a well-bred lady, so that their presence will be sought for, and they will not only learn that great art of being thoroughly at home in all society, but will possess that rarer gift of making every one around them feel easy, contented and happy. The work is carefully arranged into chapters, every subject divided and classified, making it perfectly easy to turn at once to any subject desired. Ifc has been our aim to give, in a concise form, all that is properly embraced in a comprehensive work on Etiquette; also to cultivate the heart as well as the mind, and produce a well rounded symmetrical char- acter. THE AUTHOR. CONTENTS. INTRODUCTORY. CHAPTER 1. 21 ENTRANCE INTO SOCIETY. CHAPTER 2. 32 The good will of women Social connections Being natural With whom to associate What to tolerate Common place speech Modesty Respect- ful deference Ease of manner Distinctions in conduct Long usage delating company Good Sense Qualities of a gentleman Whom to imitate. INTRODUCTIONS. CHAPTER 3. 89 By relatives Saluting and shaking hands First introduction Second or subsequent meeting The obligations of After an introduction While traveling Introductory letters to ladies Receipt of introductory letters Requesting a letter of to society Bestowing of titles Proper forms of Ceremonious phrases Casual introductions Speak the name distinctly Introduction of a Lady to Gentleman in other countries Without per- missionMeeting on the street Morning visitors Introducing yourself Assisting a lady in difficulty. SALUTATIONS. CHAPTER 4. 49 Forms of Salutation Of different nations Words of salutation For- eigners' salutations On the street Meeting in the street Bow of civility Saluting ladies Etiquette of hand shaking The kiss The kiss of re- spectThe kiss of friends Women kissing in public. SOCIAL INTERCOURSE. CHAPTER 5. 57 The value of knowledge-^A good conscience Good character A well in- formed man Liberal and scientific information Employing leisure mo- mentsSoftening natural ferocity The arts of peace Difference in social 12 CONTENTS. 13 intercourse Slight reflections Improving by conversation Learn some- thing from all Be not too confident Narrow and limited views Consult- ing witu others Difference of opinion. CONVERSATIONS. CHAPTER 6. 65 Subjects to be avoided Talk to people of their own affairs Avoid talking too much of their professions Avoid classical quotations Modulation- Slang Using- proverbs and puns Avoid long arguments Interrupting a person while speaking Whispering in society Make the topic of conver- sation known Witticisms Avoid unfamiliar subjects Introducing anec- dotesCorrect pronunciation Avoid repeating Cultivating the mind- Music A low voice Talk well about trifles Double entendres Indeli- cate words and expressions Profanity Listening The best kind of con- versation Interjections Avoid wounding the feelings of another Af- fectations Use plain words Avoid wit which wounds Proper reserve- Professional peculiarities Modesty Conversing with ladies .Conclusion. VISITS, CHAPTER 7. 80 Visits of congratulation of ceremony or calls Time to make ceremonious visits Keep an account of ceremonious visits Visits of ceremony among friends calling at an inconvenient hour Visiting at hotels Visiting the sick Style of conversation Visits of condolence Before going abroad Leave taking of a family Meeting other visitors Gentleman's morning call- Returning from the country Cards for ceremonious visits Calling on strangers Engaged or not at home Evening visits Friendly calls- Omitting visits Ceremonious visits Suitable times for visits How to treat visitors Taking a seat while visiting Paying equal attention to all Taking a friend with you Privileges of ladies Visiting acquaintances alone Preference of seats Respect towards the aged and feeble Dis- continuing work Visiting cards Address on cards Keeping cards Laying aside the bonnet Habitual visits Short visits Unintentional intrusions Free hospitality Treatment of guests Duties of the visitor Leave taking. DINNER PARTIES AND BALLS. CHAPTER 8. 101 Invitations Reply to Arriving too late Manners at table Dress neatly for dinner party How long to remain Congenial company Number of guests- -Manner of writing invitations Invitation accepted Declined Invitation to tea party Reception of guests Introduction of guests Proceeding to dinner Arranging guests Intermingling guests Asking the waiter for anything Praising every dish Picking your teeth at ta- 14 CONTENTS. ble Selecting a particular dish Duties of host and hostess Paring fruit for a lady Dipping bread into preserves Soup Fish General rules re- garding dinner Watching how others do Urging guests to eat Waiting on others Monopolizing conversation Signal for leaving the table- Dancing Giving a ball Choice of guests Issuing invitations Prejudices against dancing Notes of interrogation Variety of toilette Choice of at- tireEvening party The cloak room When to arrive Refusing to dance Giving a reason for not dancing How to ask a lady to dance Leaving a ball room Talking too much- -Wall flowers Duties of gentle- menDuty of ladies While dancing Grace and modesty Private par- ty Public balls Visit of thanks Deportment in public places General rules for a ball room Conclusion. STREET ETIQUETTE. CHAPTER 9.. 12: Recognizing friends on the street Omitting to recognize acquaintances- Shaking hands with a lady Young ladies conduct on the streetr Accom- panying visitors Fulfilling an engagement Conduct while shopping Taking off your glove Asking information Crossing a muddy street Expensive dress in the street Carriage of a lady in public Forming acquaintances in public Demanding attention Meeting a lady acquaint- anceStopping a lady on the street Passing acquaintances Crowding before another Giving the arm When to offer the arm Returning a sa- lutePassing before a lady Corner loafers Shouting Gentlemen walk- ing with a lady Crossing the street General rules Passing through a crowd Saluting a lady Ascending a mountain Meeting on the street- Intrusive inquiries on meeting Smoking while walking Taking ofi your hat. BIDING AND DRIVING. CHAPTER 10. 140 Etiquette of riding Riding in public Riding with ladies Assisting a lady to mount Pace in riding Meeting friends on horseback Meeting a lady Assisting a lady to alight from a horse Entering a carriage Assisting a lady into a carriage. TRAVELERS AND TRAVELING. CHAPTER 11. 148 A lady traveling alone On arrival of the train Arriving at destination Rushing for a ticket office Personal comfort Rushing for the table So- cial intercourse while traveling Occupying too many seats Retaining a seat Etiquette of street cars Etiquette of ferry boats Checking famili- arity Duties of ladies to other ladies while traveling Consulting the comforts of others Attention to the wants of others Selfishness oi ladies. CONTENTS. 15 ETIQUETTE OP PUBLIC PLACES. CHAPTER 12. 156 Church Etiquette Visiting an artist Conduct in picture galleries Invita- tion to opera or concert Conduct in opera, theatre or public hall Church or fancy fairs Picnics How to dress Duties of gentlemen Committee of arrangements Boating Rowing Ladies Rowing. LETTERS AND LETTER WRITING. CHAPTER 13. 169 Secret of good composition Penmanship Choice of paper General ap pearance of a letter Letters of introduction Letters of friendship Form of Friendly letter Modes of address The family letter Parents to children Letters of love Letters of business Letters of invitation In- vitation to a party General advice to letter writers. LAWS OP BUSINESS AND LEGAL FORMS. CHAPTER 14. 196 General laws of business Forms of notes Negotiable and non-negotia- ble Draft, check, &c., &c. SELF-CULTURE. CHAPTER 15. 305 Economize time Importance of early rising Reading Study Depend up- on work, not genius Good books easily accessible Careless reading im- pairs the mind Have some worthy aim The result of idleness "Dili- gentia Omnia Vincit "Requisites of success. ADVANTAGES OF WEDLOCK. CHAPTER 16. 215 Comparison Bachelors Advice of Jeremy Taylor Celibacy an unnatural state Woman's risk greater than man's Have a home Objections on account of expense Essentials to happiness. COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. CHAPTER 17. 223 Oharms for procuring love A woman's judgment Love and marriage Usages of society Love a universal passion A lady's position A gentle- man's position Conduct of a gentleman toward ladies Premature decla- rationLove at first sight Trifling with a man's feelings A poor triumph A still greater crime The rejected lover Duty of a rejected lover Un- manly conduct Encouraging the address of a gentleman Proposal of marriage Forms of proposals Proposal accepted Protracted engage- 16 CONTENTS. ments Asking papa An engagement ring The relations of an engaged couple Demonstrations of affection Keeping late hours A domineering lover Breaking an engagement By letter Acknowledging such letter The marriage ceremony General rules Congratulation Ceremony in church Leaving the church Marriage fees Let joy be unconfined The wedding breakfast Sending cards Wedding cards Calling on a newly married couple A joyous period Professional call while receiving calls Returning wedding visits. THE HOME. CHAPTER 18. 245 Home influence An ideal home Industry and sympathy Amusements Home culture Our girls A sister's influence Boys How to spoil a boy- Mother and son. DOMESTIC ETIQUETTE AND DUTIES. CHAPTER 19. 257 Duties of the wife Avoid all cause for complaint Beware of confidants- Regarding money matters How to keep a home Avoid concealment- Avoid all bickerings Becoming conduct for a wife Solomon's descrip- tionDuties of a husband Things to remember Accompany your wife to church A breach of etiquette Taking your wife into your confidence Let her manage her own affairs Avoid unnecessary interference Be always ready to praise Avoid comparisons Conclusion. TABLE ETIQUETTE. CHAPTER 20. 270 The breakfast table General rules for behavior at table Luncheon- Dinner. MISCELLANEOUS RULES OP ETIQUETTE. CHAPTER 21. 276 Presents among friends Presents to married ladies Present by married lady Praising presents Making parade -How to receive a present Re- fusing a gift Value of present Governing our moods Civility due to all women Keeping engagements Requisites to gain esteem Contempt and haughtiness Talking of yourself A filthy habit Avoid loud conver- sationConsulting your time-piece Removing the hat Smoking in pres- ence of ladies Relinquishing a seat for a lady A man's pride and princi- plesAvoid religious topics Attention to young people in society Rev- erential regard for religion Absent mindedness Affectation Confidence and secrecy A woman's good name Singing in company Gentlemen at evening parties Accepting an invitation Expressing unfavorable opin- ionsChecking himself in conversation Cautiousness and self-control CONTENTS. 17 Avoid argument Civility Courtesy Improper actions and attitudes- Good maxims Politeness Washington's maxims Principles of good breeding Attention to small matters. WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE. CHAPTER 22. 298 Presidential receptions Private calls on the President Social duties of cabinet officers and their families Social duties of congressmen and their families. BUSINESS. CHAPTER 23. 802 ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS. CHAPTER 24. 306 The paper wedding The wooden wedding The tin wedding The crystal wedding The china wedding The silver wedding The golden wedding The diamond wedding Presents at anniversary weddings Invitation to anniversary weddings. FUNERALS. CHAPTER 25. 312 Invitation to a funeral Charge of affairs at a funeral Expense of a fu- neral General rules of etiquette Houses of mourning Conveyances for funeral Exhibiting the corpse Receiving guests at a funeral Proceed- ing to the cemetery Flowers at a funeral Other decorations upon the coffin After the funeral Notification of death Obligations to attend a funeral Seclusion of the bereaved family Period of mourning. DRESS. CHAPTER 26. 320 First impressions Consistency in dress Plain dressing Too rich dressing- Elegant dressing Appropriate and becoming dress Neglect of dress- Habitual attention to attire An amiable exterior Dress the appropriate finish of beauty Taste Simplicity in dress Delicacy and harmony- Using paints Color and complexion Dress to suit the occasion Evening dress Bright-colored gloves Never dress above your station Thinking about your dress Morning dress for home Morning dress for visitor Morning dress for street Business woman's dress The promenade- Material of a walking suit Carriage dress Riding dress Dress for receiv- ing calls Dress of hostess Dinner dress Dress of guests at dinner party Ordinary evening dress Dress for evening call Dress for social party The soiree and ball Dress for church Dress for theatre Dress for lec- ture and concert Dress for opera Croquet and skating costume Cos- IB CONTENTS. tume for country and sea-side Bathing costume Costume for traveling- Going to Europe Wedding outfit The wedding dress Dress for bride- CToom Dress for bridesmaid Traveling dress of bride Marriage of a widow The trousseau. HARMONY OF COLOR IN DRESS. CHAPTER 27. 343 Size in relation to dress and color. THE TOILETTE. CHAPTER 28. 359 Jealth and beauty The dressing-room Lady's dressing-room Gentle- man's dressing-room The bath Air bath The teeth The skin The eye-lashes and brows The hah- The beard The hand. BEAUTY AND ITS EXPRESSION. CHAPTER 29. 3?9 Singing and playing The voice and dress Dignity and familiarity, SERVANTS. CHAPTER 30. 396 Treatment of servants Fees What to permit HOME DECORATIONS. CHAPTER 81. 412 lowers Arranging of plants Ward case Mayflower Preparation of soil. AMUSEMENTS. CHAPTER 32. 410 itiakespeare readings Private dramas Charades Tableaux vivants Tableaux of Statuary Light and shades, ETIQUETTE WITH CHILDREN. CHAPTER 33. 421 'Jbildren at funerals At parties Early training Accepting invitations The custom Good manners. ETIQUETTE FOR BAPTISM. CHAPTER 34. 425 Customary ceremonies Christening Presents. CONTENTS. 19 ETIQUETTE OP THE STUDIO. CHAPTER 35. 429 PRECIOUS STONES. CHAPTER 36. 433 Finger-rings with sentiments. Stories in precious stones Zodiac stones Stones and -their influences Rings King of Memphis Caesar's ring Nero's signet In Persia Presi- dent Pierce's ring Name rings French names. FLOWERS AND THEIR SENTIMENTS. CHAPTER 37. 441 WINDOW GARDENING. CHAPTER 38. 451 Best place, Ferneries, Soil, Trailing Arbutus, Hanging gardens, Portable screens. CARE AND CULTURE OP PLANTS. CHAPTER 39. 458 Where, when, and how to cultivate flowers, stands, shelves, &o. FURNISHING THE HOME. CHAPTER 40. 463 The Hall, Parlor, Sitting room. Library, Chambers, Dining room, Kitchen. BOOKS-. CHAPTER 41. 474 Outlook through books, How to cultivate the taste, Companionship of books, What to read. TOILET RECIPES. CHAPTER 42. 481 To remove freckles Wrinkles Discoloration of skin Sunburn Cure chil- blainsHair curling fluid To prevent hair from falling off Rye tooth- powder Bandoline Rose water Lip salve Smooth skin Sticking plan- ter To improve the complexion Burns Pimpernel water To soften tho handsFor roughness of the skin Chapped hands To prevent hair turn- ing gray To soften and beautify the hair To remove pimp'es To re- move tan Cure for corns Chapped lips Black teeth Pomade against baldness Cologne Ox marrow pomatum Dentifrice To clean kid gloves Water proof boots and shoes To remove a tight ring Cleaning jewelry To clean kid boots Cleaning silver To remove grease spots To clean patent-leather boots Mildew from linen To remove stains and spots from silk Toothache preventive Cure for felon Cure for croup- Cure for ingrowing nails on toes Protection against moths &c., &c. boots it tby virtue, Wljat profit \\)j parts, W|?ile one "H/mcj t|?ou lacbqs (0$>\)e art of all arts? j "(ij)l?e only credentials, Passport to success; fdpens castle and parlor, Wddress, man, address. Emerson 20 INTRODUCTORY. CHAPTER 1. IGH birth and good breed- ing are the privileges of the few; but the habits and manners of a gentle- man may be acquired by all. Nor is their acquire- ment attended with difficulty. Etiquette is not an art requir- ing the study of a life-time ; on the contrary, its principles are simple, and their practical application involves only ordinary care, tact and sagacity. To gain the good opinion of those who surround them, is the first interest and the second duty of men in every profession of life. For power and for pleasure, this preliminary is equally indispensable. Unless we are eminent and respectable before our fellow-beings, we cannot possess that influence which is essential to the accomplishment of great designs ; and men have so inherent, and one might almost say constitutional, a disposition to refer all that they say and do, to the thoughts and feelings of others, that upon the tide of the world's opinion floats tjie compla- cency of every man, 21 22 INTRODUCTORY. And here we may find the uses of etiquette. We are not all equally civilized ; some of us are scarcely more than savage by nature and training, or rather lack of training. Yet we all wish to put on the re- galia of civilization that we may be recognized as belonging to the guild of ladies and gentlemen in the world. The requisites to compose this last character are natural ease of manner, and an acquaintance with the " outward habit of encounter " dignity and self-possession a respect for all the decencies of life, and perfect freedom from all affectation. It is an express and admirable distinction of a gentleman, that, in the ordinary affairs of life, he is extremely slow to take offense. He scorns to attrib- ute ungentle motive, and dismisses the provocation without dignifying it by consideration. For instance, if he should see trifling persons laughing in another part of a room, when he might suppose that they were sneering at him, or should hear a remark from a person careless of his speech, which he could con- strue to be disrespectful to himself, he will presume that they are swayed by the same exalted sentiments as those which dwell within his own bosom, and he will not for a moment suffer his serenity to be sullied by suspicion. If, in fact, the others have been not altogether unwilling to wound, his elevated bearing 'vill shame them into propriety. A gentleman never is embarrassed, when, in the carelessness of conversation, he has made use of any INTRODUCTORY. 23 expression which is capable of an indecent significa- tion, and which, in vulgar society, would be the pre- lude of a laugh. He gives his company credit for refinement of mind and entire purity of association, and permits himself to speak with freedom of those things which are commonly the accessories of evil, without feeling any apprehension that the idea of the evil itself may be excited. In whatever society, or in whatever part of the world, a gentleman may happen to be, he always complies externally with the spirit and usages of the place. His constant effort is never to wound the feelings of another, and he is well aware that prejudice can excite feeling quite as strongly as truth. Of course, this compliance is not to be made at the expense of honor and integrity. A gentleman is distinguished as much by his com- posure as by any other quality. His exertions are always subdued, and his efforts easy. He is never surprised into an exclamation or startled by any- thing. Throughout life he avoids what the French call scenes, occasions of exhibition, in which the vulgar delight. He of course has feelings, but he never exhibits any to the world. A gentleman always possesses a certain self-re- spect, not indeed touching upon self-esteem, and far removed from self-conceit, which relieves him from the fear of failing in propriety, or incurring remarks. Indeed, a gentleman, in the highest signification 24 INTRODUCTORY. of the term, is a noble animal. Viewed as furnished with all those qualities which should unite to com- plete the impression, he may be considered as the image of a perfect man. He has all that is valua- ble of Christian accomplishment, he has its gentle- ness, its disinterestedness, its amiableness. Employ- ing, in the regulation of his own conduct, the strict- est standard of propriety, and in his expectations of that of others, the most lenient ; cautious in accept- ing quarrel, more cautious in giving cause for it; lending to virtue the forms of courtesy, and borrow- ing from her the substance of sincerity ; forming his opinions boldly, expressing them gracefully; in action, brave, in conference, gentle; always anx- ious to please, and always willing to be pleased ; ex- pecting from none what he would not be inclined to yield to all ; giving interest to small things, when- ever small things cannot be avoided, and gaining el- evation from great, whenever great can be attained ; valuing his own esteem too highly to be guilty of dis- honor, and the esteem of others too considerately to be guilty of incivility ; never violating decency, and respecting even the prejudices of honesty; yielding with an air of strength, and opposing with an ap- pearance of submission; full of courage, but free from ostentation ; without assumption, without ser- yility; too wise to despise trifles, but too noble ever to be degraded by them ; dignified but not haughty, firm but not impracticable, learned but not pedantic; to his superiors respectful, to his equals courteous ; INTRODUCTORY. 25 kind to his inferiors, and wishing well to all. It is this modest pride which gives him that charm- ing ease, which, above all things, marks his manner. He would converse with Kings, or the embodied " blood of all the Howards," with as much composure as he would exhibit in speaking to his footman. A perfect gentleman instinctively knows just what to do under all circumstances) and need be bound by no written code of manners. Yet there is an unwrit- ten code which is as immutable as the laws of the Medes and Persians, and we who would acquire gen- tility must by some means make ourselves familiar with this. The true gentleman is rare, but, fortunately there is no crime in counterfeiting his excellences. The best of it is that the counterfeit may, in course of time, develop into the real thing. How shall I describe a lady ? Solomon has done it for me : " The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her." " She will do him good, and not evil, all the days of her life." " She girdeth her loins with strength, and strength- eneth her arms. "She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea she reacheth forth her hands to the needy." " She maketh herself coverings of tapestry ; her clothing is silk asd purple." " Her husba^ is known in the gates." 26 INTRODUCTORY. " Strength and honor are her clothing." "She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness." Strength, honor, wisdom, goodness and virtue are her requisites. A woman strong and womanly in all ways, in whom the heart of a husband can safely trust this is the perfect lady. That all should seek to shape the way and fashion of their lives in accordance with these models there can be no doubt. The best and surest course to pur- sue for that end is to look for, and to imitate as far as possible, the manifestations of the characteristics I have endeavored to describe. And that which was at first mere imitation may become at last a second nature. Good manners were perhaps originally but an ex- pression of submission from the weaker to the stronger, and many traces of their origin still remain: but a spirit of kindliness and unselfishness born of a higher order of civilization permeates for the most part the code of politeness. As an illustration of this, we cannot do better than cite the requirements of good breeding in regard to women. It is considered perfectly proper in the more barbarous forms of society to treat woman with all contumely. In polite society great deference is paid to her and certain seemingly arbitrary require- ments are made in her favor. Thus a gentleman is always expected to vacate his seat in favor of a lady who is unprovided with one. If it were possible to INTRODUCTORY. 27 carry discrimination into this matter of yielding up seats, and require that the young, healthful and strong of either sex should stand that the old, weak and invalid of both sexes might sit, there could be no possible doubt as to the propriety of the regula- tion. The wisdom of the social law, as it really is, seems open to question. Yet it is wise and right, never- theless. Taking men as a whole, they are better able to endure the fatigue of standing than women. Women as the mothers of the race, the bearers and nurses of children, are entitled to special considera- tion and care on account of the physical disabilities which these duties entail ; and even if in their ordi- nary health they are capable of enduring fatigue, still there are times when to compel them to this endurance is cruel and unjust. Since women prefer, as a rule, to conceal their womanly weaknesses and disabilities as far as practicable, it is impossible for individual men to judge of the strength or weakness of individual women. Thus, when a man rises from his seat to give it to a woman, he silently says, in the spirit of true and noble manliness, " I offer you this, madam, in memory of my mother, who suffered that I might live, and of my present or future wife, who is, or is to be, the mother of my children." Such devotion of the stronger sex to the weaker is beautiful and just ; and this chivalrous spirit, carried through all the requirements of politeness, has a sig- nificance which should neither be overlooked n. 28 INTRODUCTORY. undervalued. It is the very poetry of life, and tends toward that further development of civiliza- tion when all traces of woman's original degradation shall be lost. Those who would think slightingly of the impor- tance of good manners should read Emerson, who says ; " When we reflect how manners recommend, prepare and draw people together; how, in all clubs, manners make the members; how manners make the fortune of the ambitious youth; that, for the most part, his manners, marry him, and for the most part, he marries manners; when we think what keys they are, and to what secrets; what high lessons and inspiring tokens of character they convey; and what divination is required in us for the reading of this fine telegraph, we see what range the subject has, and what relations to convenience, form and beauty. The maxim of courts is power. A calm and reso- lute bearing, a polished speech, an embellishment of trifles and the art of hiding all uncomfortable feel- ings are essential to the courtier. . . . Manners im- press, as they indicate real power. A man who is sure of his point carries a broad and contented ex- pression, which everybody reads; and you cannot rightly train to an air and manner except by mak- ing him the kind of man of whom that manner is the natural expression. Nature forever puts a pre- mium on reality." Lord Chesterfield declared good breeding to be 'the result of much good sense, some good nature, INTRODUCTORY. 29 and a little self-denial for the sake of others and with a view to obtain the same indulgence from tfiem." The same authority in polite matters says. "Good sense and good nature suggest civility in gen- eral, but in good breeding there are a thousand lit- tle delicacies which are established only by cus- tom." " Etiquette," says a modern English author, " may be. defined as the minor morality of life. No obser- vances, however minute, that tend to spare the feel- ings of others, can be classed under the head of tri- vialities; and politeness, which is but another name for general amiability, will oil the creaking wheels of life more effectually than any of those unguents supplied by mere wealth and station. As to the technical part of politeness, or forms alone, the intercourse of society, and good advice, are undoubtedly useful; but the grand secret of never failing in propriety of deportment, is to have an in- tention of always doing what is right. With such a disposition of mind, exactness in observing what is proper appears to all to possess a charm and in- fluence ; and then not only do mistakes become ex- cusable, but they become even interesting from their thoughtlessness and naivete. Be, therefore, modest and benevolent, and do not distress yourself on ac- count of the mistakes of your inexperience; a little attention, and the advice of a friend will soon cor- rect these trifling errors. Morals, lay the foundation of manners. A well- 30 IN TROD VCTOM Y. ordered mind, a well-regulated heart, produce the best conduct. The rules which a philosopher or moralist lays down for his own guidance, properly developed, lead to the most courteous acts. Frank- lin laid down for himsell the following rules to reg- ulate his conduct through life : Eat not to dullness ; drink not to elevation Speak not but what may benefit others or your- self; avoid trifling conversation. Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time. Resolve to perform what you ought ; perform with- out fail what you resolve. Make no expense but to do good to others, or to yourself; ., waste nothing. Lose no time ; be always employed in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions. Use no hurtful deceit ; think innocently and just- ly; and if you speak, speak accordingly. Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty. Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve. Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, clothes or hab- itation. Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents com- mon or unavoidable, and "be temperate in all things." Let these rules be applied to the elegant inter- course of life, and they ^re precisely what is reouir- INTRODUCTORY. 3] ed. Those who would set good morals and good manners at variance, wrong both. That true good breeding consists not in the man- ner, but in the mind, is one of those insipid com- mon-places that the world delights to be told. That a pleasing exterior of appearance, and an insinuating habit of demeanor, may be perfectly attained by one, to whose feelings honor is a stranger, and generosity utterly unknown, it would be absurd to deny. But there unquestionably goes more than this to the for- mation of a thorough gentleman. Separated from native loftiness of sentiment, we rarely discover those courtly, and, if I may say so, those magnanimous manners, which constitute a high-bred man. ENTRANCE INTO SOCIETY. CHAPTER 2. become accepted in society, a young man must win the good will of the few ladies of assured position who are the ruling spirits in their charmed circle, and whose dictum determines the social standing of the young aspi- rant. It is of less impor- tance to be in favor with the young girls who are themselves just entering society than with these older women, who can countenance whom they will and whose approbation and support will serve the novitiate better than fortune, talent or accomplishments. THE GOOD WILL OP WOMEN. A young man in entering society cannot be too attentive to conciliate the good will of women. Their approbation and support will serve him instead of a thousand good qualities. Their judgment dispenses with fortune, talent and even intelligence. SOCIAL CONNECTIONS. The desire of pleasing is, of course, the basis of social connection. Persons who enter society with the intention of producing an effect, and of being dis- 32 ENTRANCE INTO SOCIETY. 33 tinguished, however clever they may be, are never agreeable. They are always tiresome, and often ri- diculous. Persons, who enter life with such preten- sions, have no opportunity for improving themselves and profiting by experience. They are not in a prop- er state to observe. Indeed, they look only for the effect which they produce, and with that they are not often gratified. They thrust themselves into all conversations, indulge in continual anecdotes, which are varied only by dull disquisitions, listen to others with impatience and heedlessness, and are angry that they seem to be attending to themselves. Such persons go through scenes of pleasure, enjoying nothing. They are equally disagreeable to them- selves and others. BEING NATURAL. Young men should content themselves with being natural. Let them present themselves with a mod- est assurance: let them observe, hear, and examine, and before long they will rival their models. WITH WHOM TO ASSOCIATE. The conversation of those women who are not the most lavishly supplied with personal beauty, will be of the most advantage to the young aspirant. Such persons have cultivated their manners and conver- sation more than those who can rely upon their nat- ural endowments. The absence of pride and preten- sion has improved their good nature and their afifa- 34 ENTRANCE INTO SOCIETY. bility. They are not too much occupied in contem- plating their own charms, to be indisposed to indulge in gentle criticism on others. One acquires from them an elegance in one's manners as well as one's expressions. Their kindness pardons every error and to instruct or reprove, their acts are so delicate that the lesson which they give, always without of- fending, is sure to be profitable, though it may be often unperceived. Women observe all the delicacies of propriety in manners, and all the shades of impropriety, much better than men; not only because they attend to them earlier and longer, but because their percep- tions are more refined than those of the other sex, who are habitually employed about greater things. Women divine, rather than arrive at proper conclu- sions. WHAT TO TOLERATE. The whims and caprices of women in society should of course be tolerated by men, who themselves require toleration for greater inconveniences. But this must not be carried too far. There are certain limits to empire which, if they themselves forget, should be pointed out to them with delicacy and politeness. You should be the slave of women, but not of all their fancies. COMMON PLACE SPEECH. Compliment is the language of intercourse from ENTRANCE INTO SOCIETY. 35 men to women. But be careful to avoid elaborate and common-place forms of gallant speech. Do not strive to make those long eulogies on a woman, which have the regularity and nice dependency of a proposition in Euclid, and might be fittingly con- cluded by Q. E. D. Do not be always undervaluing her rival in a woman's presence, nor mistaking a woman's daughter for her sister. These antiquated and exploded attempts denote a person who has learned the world more from books than men. MODESTY. The quality which a young man should most af- fect in intercourse with gentlemen, is a decent modes- ty : but he must avoid all bashfulness or timidity. His flights must not go too far ; but, so far as they go, let them be marked by perfect assurance. RESPECTFUL DEFERENCE. Among persons who are much your seniors behave with the most respectful deference. As they find themselves sliding out of importance they may be easily conciliated by a little respect. EASE OF MANNER. By far the most important thing to be attended to, is ease of manner. Grace may be added afterwards, or be omitted altogether: it is of much less moment than is commonly believed. Perfect propriety and entire ease are sufficient qualifications for standing 36 ENTRANCE INTO SOCIETY. in society, and abundant prerequisites for distinc- tion. DISTINCTIONS IN CONDUCT. There is the most delicate shade of difference be- tween civility and intrusiveness, familiarity and common-place, pleasantry and sharpness, the natur- al and the rude, gaiety and carelessness ; hence the inconveniences of society, and the errors of its mem- bers. To define well in conduct these distinctions, is the great art of a man of the world. It is easy to know what to do ; the difficulty is to know what to avoid. LONG USAGE. A sort of moral magnetism, a tact acquired by frequent and long associating with others alone give those qualities which keep one always from er- ror, and entitle him to the name of a thorough gentleman. SELECTING COMPANY. A young man or woman upon first entering into society should select those persons who are most cel- ebrated for the propriety and elegance of their man- ners. They should frequent their company, and im- itate their conduct. There is a disposition inherent in all, which has been noticed by Horace and by Dr. Johnson, to imitate faults, because they are more ENTRANCE INTO SOCIETY. 37 readily observed and more easily followed. There are, also, many foibles of manner and many refine- ments of affectation, which sit agreeably upon on man, which if adopted by another would become unpleasant. There are even some excellences of de- portment which would not suit another whose char- acter is different. GOOD SENSE. For successful imitation in anything, good sense is indispensable. It is requisite correctly to appre- ciate the natural differences between your model and yourself, and to introduce such modifications in the copy as may be consistent with them. QUALITIES OF A GENTLEMAN. Let not any man imagine, that he shall easily ac- quire those qualities which will constitute him a gentleman. It is necessary not only to exert the highest degree of art, but to attain also that higher accomplishment of concealing art. The serene and elevated dignity which mark that character, are the result of untiring and arduous effort. After the sculpture has attained the shape of propriety, it re- mains to smooth off all the marks of the chisel. " A gentleman," says a celebrated French author, "is one who has reflected deeply upon all the obliga- tions which belong to his station, and who has ap- plied himself ardently to fulfill them with grace." 38 ENTRANCE INTO SOCIETY. WHOM TO IMITATE. He who is polite without importunity, gallant with- out being offensive, attentive to the comfort of all; em- ploying a well-regulated kindness, witty at the proper times discreet,indulgent,generous,who exercises, in his sphere, a high degree of moral authority; he it is, and he alone, that one should imitate. INTRODUCTIONS. CHAPTER 3. N the introduction of one gentle- man to another, great pru- dence and caution must be used by the really polite man ; but in the introduction of ladies to each other, and to gentlemen, infinitely more care is necessary, as a lady cannot shake off an improper acquaintance with the same facility as a gentleman can do, and her character is much easier affected by apparent contact with the worthless and the dissi- pated. It is incumbent, therefore, on ladies to avoid all proffers of introductions, unless from those on whom from relationship or other causes, they can place the most implicit confidence. INTRODUCTIONS BY RELATIVES. As a general rule, ladies may always at once ac- cord to any offers of introduction that may proceed from a father, mother, husband, sister or brother; those from intimate cousins and tried friends are also to be considered favorably, although not to be 40 INTRODUCTIONS. entitled to the same implicit reliance as the former. Formerly it was the habit for the ladies to curtsey on being introduced, but this has latterly been changed into the more easy and graceful custom of bowing. SALUTING AND SHAKING HANDS. The habit of saluting and shaking hands is now quite obsolete, except in some country towns where ladies at first introductions salute other ladies by kissing them on the cheek, and fervently shake the hands of the gentlemen. FIRST INTRODUCTION. At present, in the best society, all that a lady is called upon' to do, upon a first introduction either to a lady or a gentleman, is to make a slight, but gra- cious inclination of the head. SECOND OR SUBSEQUENT MEETING. Upon one lady meeting another for the second or subsequent times, the hand may be extended in sup- plement to the inclination of the head ; but no lady should ever extend her hand to a gentleman, unless she is very intimate, a bow at meeting and one at parting, is all that is necessary. THE OBLIGATIONS OF INTRODUCTION. Two persons who have been properly introduced have in future certain claims upon one another's ac- INTRODUCTIONS. INTRODUCTIONS. 41 quaintance which should be recognized unless there are sufficient reasons for overlooking them. Even in that case good manners require the formal bow of recognition upon meeting, which of itself encoura- ges no familiarity. Only a very ill-bred person will meet another with a vacant stare. AFTER AN INTRODUCTION. If you wish to avoid the company of any one that has been properly introduced, satisfy your own mind that your reasons are correct ; and then let no in- ducement cause you to shrink from treating him with respect, at the same time shunning his com- pany. No gentleman will thus be able either to blame or mistake you. INTRODUCTIONS WHILE TRAVELING. If, in traveling, any one introduces himself to you and does it in a proper and respectful manner, con- duct yourself towards him with politeness, ease, and dignity ; if he is a gentleman, he will appreciate your behavior and if not a gentleman will be de- terred from annoying you; but acquaintanceships, thus formed must cease where they began. Your entering into conversation with a lady or gentleman while traveling does not give any of you a right to after recognition. If any one introduces himself to you in a manner betraying the least want of respect, either towards you or himself, you can only turn from him in dignified silence, and if he presumes 42 INTRODUCTIONS. to address you further, then there is no punishment too severe. INTRODUCTORY LETTER TO LADIES. Be very cautious of giving a gentleman a letter of introduction to a lady ; for remember, in propor- tion as you are esteemed by the lady to whom it is addressed, so do you claim for your friend her good wishes, and such letters are often the means of set- tling the weal or the woe of the parties for life. Ladies should never themselves, unless upon cases of the most urgent business, deliver introductory letters, but should send them in an envelope inclos- ing their card. KECEIPT OF INTRODUCTORY LETTERS. On receipt of an introductory letter, take it into instant consideration; if you are determined not to receive the party, write at once some polite, plausi- ble, but dignified cause of excuse. If the party is one you think fit to receive, then let your answer be accordingly, and without delay ; never leave unan- swered till the next day a letter of introduction. If any one whom you have never seen before call with a letter of introduction, and you know from its appearance who sent it, desire the person to sit down, and at once treat them politely ; but if you do not recognize the hand-writing it is quite proper, after- requesting them to be seated, to beg their pardon, and INTRODUCTIONS. 43 peruse the letter in order that you may know how to act. REQUESTING A LETTER OF INTRODUCTION. If any one requests a letter of introduction, and you do not consider that it would be prudent, eithei in respect to your situation with the person so re- questing it, or with the one to whom it would be addressed, refuse it with firmness, and allow no in- ducement whatever to alter your purpose. INTRODUCTION TO SOCIETY. On your introduction to society, be modest, retir- ing, unassuming, and dignified ; pay respect to all, but most to those who pay you the most, provided it is respectful and timely. BESTOWING OF TITLES. In introducing a person be sure to give him his appropriate title, as some persons are jealous of their dignity. If he is a clergyman, say " The Rev. Mr. Forsyth." If a doctor of divinity, say "The Rev. Dr. Forsyth." If he is a member of Congress, call him " Honorable," and specify to which branch of Congress he belongs. If he be governor of a State, mention what State. If he is a man of any celebri- ty in the world of art or letters, it is well to mention the fact something after this manner : " Mr. Ellis, the artist, whose pictures you have frequently seen," 44 INTRODUCTIONS. or "Mr. Smith, author of 'The World after the Del- uge/ which you so greatly admired." PROPER FORMS OF INTRODUCTION. The proper form of introduction is to present the gentleman to the lady, the younger to the older, the inferior to the superior; Thus you will say : " Mrs. Gary, allow me to present to you Mr. Rhodes: Mr. Rhodes, Mrs. Gary ;" "Mrs. Wood, let me present to you my friend Miss. Ewing ;" "General Graves, per- mit me to introduce to you Mr. Hughes." The ex- act words used in introductions are immaterial, so that the proper order is preserved. It is better, among perfect equals, to employ the phrase, "Permit me to present you to * *," than "Permit me to present to you * *;" there are men in this world, and men, too, who are gentlemen, who are so sensitive that they would be offended if the latter of these forms was employed in presenting them to another. CEREMONIOUS PHRASES. These ceremonious phrases, "Permit me to present, &c.," are not to be employed unless the acquaintance has been solicited by one party, under circumstan- ces of mere ceremony; and when you employ them, do not omit to repeat to each distinctly the name of the other. INTRODUCTIONS. 45 CASUAL INTRODUCTIONS. When two men unacquainted meet one another where it is obviously necessary that they should be made known to each other, perform the operation with mathematical simplicity and precision, -"Mr. A., Mr. A/; Mr. A.\ Mr. A." SPEAK THE NAME DISTINCTLY. When, upon being presented to another, you do not feel certain of having caught his name, it may be worse than awkward to remain, as it were, shoot- ing the dark ; say, therefore, at once, without hesita- tion or embarrassment, before making your bow, " I beg your pardon, I did not hear the name." INTRODUCTION OF A LADY TO GENTLEMEN. When you are presented to a gentleman, do not give your hand, but merely bow, with politeness : and, if you have requested the presentment, or know the person by reputation, you may make a speech, indeed, in all cases it is courteous to add, "I am hap- py to make your acquaintance/' or, "I am happy to have the honor of your acquaintance." I am aware that high authority might be found in this country to sanction the custom of giving the hand upon a first meeting, but it is undoubtedly a solecism in manners. The habit has been adopted by us, with some improvement for the worse, from France. 46 INTRODUCTIONS. INTRODUCTIONS IN OTHER COUNTRIES. When two Frenchmen are presented to one anotk er, each presses the other's hand with delicate affec- tion. The English, however, never do so ; and the practice is altogether inconsistent with the caution of manner which is characteristic of their nation and our own. If we are to follow the French in shaking hands with one whom we have never before seen, we should certainly imitate them also in kiss- ing our intimate male acquaintances. There are some Americans, indeed, who will not leave this matter optional, but will seize your hand in spite of you, and visit it pretty roughly before you recover it. Next to being presented to the Grand Jury, is the nuisance of being presented to such persons. Such handling is most unhandsome. INTRODUCTIONS WITH PERMISSION. A gentleman should not be presented to a lady without her permission being previously asked and granted. This formality is not necessary between men alone ; but, still, you should not present any one, even at his own request, to another, unless you are quite well assured that the acquaintance will be agreeable to the latter. You may decline upon the ground of not being sufficiently intimate yourself. A man does himself no service with another when he obliges him to know people whom he would rather avoid. INTRODUCTIONS. & INTRODUCTIONS WITHOUT PERMISSION. There are some exceptions to the necessity of ap- plying to a lady for her permission. At a party or a dance, the mistress of the house may present any man to any woman without application to the lat* ter. A sister may present her brother, and a moth- er may present her son, upon their own authority ; but they should be careful not to do this unless where they are very intimate, and unless there is no inferiority on their part. A woman may be very willing to know another woman, without caring to be saddled with her whole family. As a general rule, it is better to be presented by the mistress of the house, than by any other person. MEETING ON THE STREET. If you are walking down the street in company with another person, and stop to say something to one of your friends, or are joined by a friend who walks with you for a long time, do not commit the too common, but most flagrant error, of presenting such persons to one another. MORNING VISITORS. If you are paying a morning visit, and some one comes in, whose name you know, and no more, and he or she is not recognized by, or acquainted with, the person visited, present such a person, yourself. 48 INTRODUCTIONS. INTRODUCING YOURSELF. If on entering a drawing-room to pay a visit, you are not recognized, mention your name immediately; if you know but one member of a family, and you find others only in the parlor, present yourself to them. Much awkwardness may be occasioned by want of attention to this. ASSISTING A LADY IN DIFFICULTY. If you see a lady whom you do not know, unat- tended, and wanting the assistance of a man, offer your services to her immediately. Do it with great courtesy, taking off your hat and begging the honor of assisting her. This precept, although universally observed in France, is constantly violated in England and America by the demi-bred, perhaps by all but the thorough-bred. The '*mob of gentlemen" in this country seem to act in these cases as if a gentleman ipso facto ceased to be a MAN, and as if the form of presentation was established to prevent intercourse and not to increase it. SALUTATIONS. CHAPTER 4. T is the salutation, says a French writer, which is the touchstone oi of good breeding. There have been men since Absalom who have owed their ruin to a bad bow. According to circumstances, it should be respectful, cordial, civil, affectionate or familiar an incli- nation of the head, a gesture with the hand, the touching or doffing of the hat. " It would seem that good manners were originally the expression of submission from the weaker to the stronger. In a rude state of society every salu- tation is to this day an act of worship. Hence the commonest acts, phrases and signs of courtesy with which we are now familiar, date from those earlier stages when the strong hand ruled and the inferior demonstrated his allegiance by studied servility. Let us take, for example, the words ' sir ' and ' madam.' 'Sir' is derived from seigneur, sieur, and origi- nally meant lord, king, ruler and, in its patriarchal sense, father. The title of sire was last borne by some of the ancient feudal families of France, who, 49 50 SALUTATIONS. as Selden has said, ' affected rather to be styled ^ the name of sire than baron, as Le Sire de Montmoren- d and the like.' 'Madam' or 'madame,' corrupted by servants into 'ma'am/ and by Mrs. Gamp and her tribe into 'mum,' is in substance equivalent to ' your exalted,' or 'your highness,' madame originally meaning high-born or stately, and being applied on- ly to ladies of the highest rank. FORMS OF SALUTATION. " To turn to our every-day forms of salutadon. We take off our hats on visiting an acquaintance. We bow on being introduced to strangers. We rise when visitors enter our drawing-room. We wave our hand to our friend as he passes the window or drives away from our door. The Oriental, in like manner, leaves his shoes on the threshold when he pays a visit. The natives of the Tonga Islands kiss the soles of a chieftain's feet. The Siberian peasant grovels in the dust before a Russian noble. Each of these acts has a primary, a historical significance. The very word 'salutation,' in the first place, derived as it is from salutatio, the daily homage paid by a Roman client to his patron, suggests in itself a his- tory of manners. " To bare the head was originally an act of sub- mission to gods and rulers. A bow is a modified prostration. A lady's curtsey is a modified genu- flection. Rising and standing are acts of homage ; SALUTATIONS. 61 and when we wave our hand to a friena un the op- posite side of the street, we are unconsciously imitat- ing the Romans, who, as Selden tells us, used to stand 1 somewhat off before the images of their gods, sol- emnly moving the right hand to the lips and casting it, as if they had cast kisses/ Again, men remove the glove when they shake hands with a lady a custom evidently of feudal origin. The knight re- moved his iron gauntlet, the pressure of which would have been all too harsh for the palm of a fair chate- laine : and the custom, which began in necessity, has traveled down to us as a point of etiquette." SALUTATIONS OP DIFFERENT NATIONS. Each nation has its own method of salutation. In Southern Africa it is the custom to rub toes. In Lapland your friend rubs his nose against yours. The Moors of Morocco have a somewhat startling mode of salutation. They ride at a gallop toward a stranger, as though they would unhorse him, and when close at hand suddenly check their horse and fire a pistol over the person's head. The Turk folds his arms upon his breast and bends his head very low. The Egyptian solicitously asks you, "How do you perspire ?" and lets his hand fall to the knee. The Spaniard says, " God be with you, sir," or, "How do you stand?" And the Neapolitan piously remarks, "Grow in holiness." The Chinese bows low and inquires, "Have you eaten ?" The 52 SALUTATIONS. German asks, "Wie gehts?" How goes it with you? The Frenchman bows profoundly and inquires, "How do you carry yourself? In England and America there are three modes of salutation the bow, the handshake and the kiss. THE Bow. The bow is the proper mode of salutation to ex- change between acquaintances in public, and, in cer- tain circumstances, in private. The bow should never be a mere nod. A gentleman should raise his hat completely from his head and slightly incline the whole body. Ladies should recognize their gen- tlemen friends with a bow or graceful inclination. It is their place to bow first, although among inti- mate acquaintances the recognition may be simulta- neous. A well-bred man always removes his cigar from his lips whenever he bows to a lady. A young lady should show the same deference to an elderly lady, or one occupying a higher social position, that a gentleman does to a lady. WORDS OF SALUTATION. The most common forms of salutation are "How d'ye do?" "How are you?" "Good-morning," and " Good-evening." The two latter forms seem the most appropriate, as it is most absurd to ask after a person's health and not stop to receive the answer. SALUTATIONS. SALUTATIONS, 63 A respectful bow should always accompany the words of salutation. FOREIGNERS' SALUTATIONS. Foreigners are given to embracing. In France and Germany the parent kisses his grown-up son on the forehead, men throw their arms around the necks of their friends, and brothers embrace like lovers. It is a curious sight to Americans, with their natural prejudices against publicity in kissing. SALUTATIONS ON THE STREET. It is a mark of high breeding not to speak to a lady in the street, until you perceive that she has noticed you by an inclination of the head.. MEETING IN THE STREET. If you have anything to say to any one in the street, especially a lady, however intimate you may be, do not stop the person, but turn round and walk in company; you can take leave at the end of the street. Bow OF CIVILITY. If there is any one of your acquaintance, with whom you have a difference, do not avoid looking at him, unless from the nature of things the quarrel is necessarily for life. It is almost always better to bow with cold civility, though without speaking. 54 SALUTATIONS. In passing women with whom you are not partic- ularly well acquainted, bow, but do not speak. SALUTING LADIES. In bowing to women it is not enough that you touch your hat ; you must take it entirely off. Em- ploy for the purpose that hand which is most dis- tant from the person saluted ; thus, if you pass on the right side, use your right hand ; if on the left, use your left hand. SHAKING HANDS. Among friends the shaking of the hand is the most genuine and cordial expression of good-will. It is not necessary, though in certain cases it is not forbidden, upon introduction ; but when acquaint- anceship has reached any degree of intimacy, it is perfectly proper. ETIQUETTE OF HANDSHAKING. " The etiquette of handshaking is simple. A man has no right to take a lady's hand until it is offered. He has even less right to pinch or retain it. Two ladies shake hands gently and softly. A young la- dy gives her hand, but does not shake a gentleman's unless she is his friend. A lady should always rise to give her hand ; a gentleman, of course > never dares to do so seated. On introduction in a room a married lady generally offers her hand ; a young SAL UTA TIONS. 55 lady, not. In a ballroom, where the introduction is to dancing, not to friendship, you never shake hands; and as a general rule, an introduction is not follow- ed by shaking hands, only by a bow. It may per- haps be laid down that the more public the place of introduction, the less handshaking takes place. But if the introduction be particular, if it be accompan- ied by personal recommendation, such as, ' I want you to know my friend Phelps,' or if Phelps comes with a letter of presentation, then you give Phelps your hand, and warmly too. Lastly, it is the priv- ilege of a superior to offer or withhold his or her hand, so that an inferior should never put his for- ward first." When a lady so far puts aside her reserve as to shake hands at all, she should give her hand with frankness and cordiality. There should be equal frankness and cordiality on the gentleman's part^ and even more warmth, though a careful avoidance of anything like offensive familiarity or that which might be mistaken as such. A lady who has only two fingers to give in handshaking had better keep them to herself; and a gentleman who rudely press- es the hand offered him in salutation, or too violen t- ly shakes it, ought never to have an opportunity to repeat his offense." THE Kiss. The most familiar and affectionate form of salu. tation is the kiss. It need scarcely be said that this 56 SALUTATIONS. is only proper on special occasions and between spe- cial parties. THE Kiss OF RESPECT. The kiss of mere respect almost obsolete in this country is made on the hand. This custom is re- tained in Germany and among gentlemen of the most courtly manners in England. THE Kiss OF FRIENDSHIP. The kiss of friendship and relationship is on the cheeks and forehead. As a general rule, this act of affection is excluded from public eyes; in the case of parents and children unnecessarily so ; for there is no more pleasing and touching sight than to see a young man kiss his mother, or a young woman her father, upon meeting or parting. WOMEN KISSING IN PUBLIC. Custom seems to give a kind of sanction to wom- en kissing each other in public : but there is, never- theless, a touch of vulgarity about it, and a lady of really delicate perceptions will avoid it. SOCIAL INTERCOURSE. CHAPTER 5. E will, in the following chapters, dwell more particularly upon the external usages and cus- toms of polite life a knowl- edge and practice of which are necessary to enable one to enter respectable company. In many instances we have re- peated the same idea over again, to enforce some important point. We now proceed to give the reader some advice as to the mental qualities desirable to be possessed by all who wish to make a lasting mark in " our best society." THE VALUE OF KNOWLEDGE. The young are apt to disregard the value of knowl- edge, partly, we fear, from the pertinacious con- stancy with which teachers, parents, and guardians, endeavor to impress them with its inestimable worth. " Knowledge better than houses and lands " is the title of one of the first picture-books presented to a child, and it is the substance of ten thousand pre- 57 58 SOCIAL INTERCOURSE. cepts which are constantly dinned in his ears from infancy upwards ; so that, at first, the truth becomes tiresome and almost detested. A GOOD CONSCIENCE. Still it is a sober truth, of which every one should feel the force, that, with the single exception of a good conscience, no possession can be so valuable as a good stock of information. Some portion of it is always coming into use; and there is hardly any kind of information which may not become useful in an active life. When we speak of information, we do not mean that merely which has direct reference to one's trade, profession, or business. GOOD CHARACTER. To be skillful in these is a matter of absolute ne- cessity ; so much so, that we often see, for example, a merchant beginning the world with no other stock than a good character and a thorough knowledge of business, and speedily acquiring wealth and respect- ability ; while another, who is not well informed in his business, begins with a fortune, fails in every- thing he undertakes, causes loss and disgrace to all who are connected with him, and goes on blunder- ing to the end of the chapter. SOCIA L INTERCO UR8E. 59 A WELL INFORMED MAN. A thorough knowledge of one's business or profes- sion is not enough, of itself, to constitute what is properly called a well-informed man. On the contrary, one who possesses this kind of in- formation only, is generally regarded as a mere ma- chine, unfit for society or rational enjoyment. LIBERAL AND SCIENTIFIC INFORMATION. A man should possess a certain amount of liberal and scientific information, to which he should al- ways be adding something as long as he lives ; and in this free country he should make himself ac- quainted with his own political and legal rights. "Keep a thing seven years and you will have use for it," is an old motto which will apply admirably well to almost any branch of knowledge. Learn almost any science, language, or art, and in a few years you will find it of service to you. EMPLOYING LEISURE MOMENTS. Employ that leisure which others waste in idle and corrupting pursuits, in the acquisition of those branches of knowledge which serve to amuse as well as instruct ; natural history, for example, or chemis- try, or astronomy, or drawing, or any of the numer- ous kindred branches of study. 60 SOCIAL INTERCOURSE. SOFTENING NATURAL FEROCITY. There is in most tempers a natural ferocity which wants to be softened ; and the study of the liberal arts and sciences will generally have this happy ef- fect in polishing the manners. When the mind is daily attentive to useful learn- ing, a man is detached from his passions, and taken as it were, out of himself; and the habit of being so abstracted makes the mind more manageable, be- cause the passions are out of practice. THE ARTS OF PEACE. Besides, the arts of learning are the arts of peace, which furnish no encouragements to a hostile dis- position. There is a dreadful mistake too current among young people, and which their own experience is apt to cherish and commend in one another that a youth is of no consequence, and makes no figure, unless he is quarrelsome, and renders himself a ter- ror to his companions. They call this honor and spirit; but it is false hon- or, and an evil spirit. It does not command any re- spect, but begets hatred and aversion; and as it can not well consist with the purposes of society, it leads a person into a sort of solitude, like that of the wild beast in the desert, who must spend his time by him- self, because he is not fit for company. SOCIAL INTERCOURSE. 61 DIFFERENCES IN SOCIAL INTERCOURSE. If any difference arises, it should be conducted with reason and moderation. Scholars should con- tend with wit and argument, which are the weapons proper to their profession. Their science is a science of defense; it is like that of fencing with the foil, which has a guard or but- ton upon the point, that no hurt may be given. When the sword is taken up instead of the foil, fenc- ing is no longer an exercise of the school but of the field. If a gentleman with a foil in his hand appears heated, and in a passion with his adversary, he ex- poses himself by acting out of character; because this is a trial of art, and not of passion. The reason why people are soon offended, is only this that they set a high value upon themselves. SLIGHT REFLECTIONS. A slight reflection can never be a great offense, but when it is offered to a great person; and if a man is such in his own opinion, he will measure an offense, as he measures himself, far beyond its value. If we consult our religion upon this subject, it teaches us that no man is to value himself for any qualifications of mind or body. What we call complaisance, gentility, or good breeding, affects to do this; and is the imitation of a most excellent virtue. 62 SOCIAL IXTEHCO URSE. IMPROVING BY CONVERSATION. If we would improve our minds by conversation, it is a great happiness to be acquainted with persons older than ourselves. It is a piece of useful advice, therefore, to get the favor of their conversation frequently, as far as cir- cumstances will allow. LEARN SOMETHING FROM ALL. In mixed company, among acquaintance and strangers, endeavor to learn something from all. Be swift to hear, but be cautious of your tongue* lest you betray your ignorance, and perhaps offend some of those who are present too. Acquaint yourself therefore sometimes with per- sons and parties which are far distant from your common life and customs. This is the way whereby you may form a wiser opinion of men and things. Be not frightened or provoked at opinions differ- ing from your own. BE NOT TOO CONFIDENT. Some persons are so confident they are in the right that they will not come within the hearing of any opinion but their own. They canton out to them- selves a little province in the intellectual world, where they fancy the light shines, and all the rest is in darkness. Believing that it is impossible to learn something SOCIAL INTERCOURSE. 63 from persons they consider much below themselves. NARROW AND LIMITED VIEWS We are all short-sighted creatures; our views are also, narrow and limited; we often see hut one side of a matter, and do not extend our sight far and wide enough to reach everything that has a connec- tion with the thing we talk of. We see but in part; therefore it is no wonder we form incorrect conclu- sions, because we don't survey the whole of any sub- ject. CONSULTING WITH OTHERS. We have a different prospect of the same thing, according to the different positions of our under- standings toward it: a weaker man may sometimes light on truths which have escaped a stronger, and which the wiser man might make a happy use of, if he would condescend to take notice of them. DIFFERENCE OF OPINION. When you are forced to differ from him who de- livers his opinion on any subject, yet agree as far as you can, and represent how far you agree; and, if there be any room for it, explain the words of the speaker in such a sense to which you can in general assent, and so agree with him, or at least by a small addition or alteration of his sentiments show your own sense of things. 84 SOCIAL INTERCOURSE. It is the practice and delight of a candid hearei to make it appear how unwilling he is to differ from him that speaks. Let the speaker know that it is nothing but truth constrains you to oppose him; and let that difference be always expressed in few, and civil, and chosen words, such as may give the least offence. And be careful always to take Solomon's rule with you, and let your companion fairly finish his speech before you reply; "for he that answereth a matter be- fore he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him," A little watchfulness, care, and practice, in young- er life, will render all these things more easy, famil- iar, and natural to you, and will grow into habit. CON VE KS ATION. CONVERSATION. CHAPTER 6. HE finest compliment that can be paid to a woman of refine- ment and esprit is to lead the conversation into such a chan- nel as may mark your appre- ciation of her superior attain- ments. Let your conversation be adapted as skilfully as may be to your company. Some men make a point of talking com- monplaces to all ladies alike, as if a woman could only be a trifler. Others, on the contrary, seem to forget in what respects the educa- tion of a lady differs from that of a gentleman, and commit the opposite error of conversing on topics with which ladies are seldom acquainted. A woman of sense has as much right to be annoyed by the one as a lady of ordinary education by the other. SUBJECTS TO BE AVOIDED. In talking with ladies of ordinary education, avoid political, scientific or commercial topics, and choose only such subjects as are likely to be of interest to them. 65 CONVERSA TION. TALK TO PEOPLE OF THEIR OWN AFFAIRS. Remember that people take more interest in their own affairs than in anything else which you can name. If you wish your conversation to be thor- oughly agreeable, lead a mother to talk of her chil- dren, a young lady of her last ball, an author of his forthcoming book, or an artist of his exhibition picture. Having furnished the topic, you need only listen; and you are sure to be thought not only agreeable, but thoroughly sensible and well-in- formed. AVOID TALKING TOO MUCH OF THEIR PROFESSIONS. Be careful, however, on the other hand, not always to make a point of talking to persons upon general matters relating to their professions. To show an interest in their immediate concerns is flattering; but to converse with them too much about their own arts looks as if you thought them ignorant of other topics. AVOID CLASSICAL QUOTATIONS. Do not use a classical quotation in the presence of ladies without apologizing for, or translating it. Even this should only be done when no other phrase would so aptly express your meaning. Whether in the presence of ladies or gentlemen, much display of learning is pedantic and out of place. CONVERSATION. 67 MODULATION. There is a certain distinct but subdued tone of voice which is peculiar to only well-bred persons. A loud voice is both disagreeable and vulgar. It is better to err by the use of too low than too loud a tone. SLANG. Remember that all "slang" is vulgar. It has be- come of late unfortunately prevalent, and we have known even ladies pride themselves on the saucy chique with which they adopt certain cant phrases of the day. Such habits cannot be too severely repre- hended. They lower the tone of society and the standard of thought. It is a great mistake to sup- pose that slang is in any way a substitute for wit. USING PROVERBS AND PUNS. The use of proverbs is equally vulgar in conversa- tion ; and puns, unless they rise to the rank of witti- cisms, are to be scrupulously avoided. There is no greater nuisance in society than a dull and persever- ing punster, AVOID LONG ARGUMENTS. Long arguments in general company, however en- tertaining to the disputants, are tiresome to the last degree to all others. You should always endeavor 68 CONVERSATION. to prevent the conversation from dwelling too long upon one topic. INTERRUPTING A PERSON WHILE SPEAKING. Never interrupt a person who is speaking. It has been aptly said that " if you interrupt a speaker in the middle of his sentence, you act almost as rudely as if, when walking with a companion, you were to thrust yourself before him, and stop his progress." WHISPERING IN SOCIETY. It is considered extremely ill-bred when two per- sons whisper in society, or converse in a language with which all present are not familiar. If you have private matters to discuss, you should appoint a proper time and place to do so, without paying others the ill compliment of excluding them from your conversation. If a foreigner be one of the guests at a small party, and does not understand English sufficiently to fol- low what is said, good-breeding demands that the conversation shall be carried on (when possible) in his own language. If at a dinner-party, the same rule applies to those at his end of the table. MAKE THE TOPIC OF CONVERSATION KNOWN. If upon the entrance of a visitor you carry on the thread of a previous conversation, you should briefly recapitulate to him what has been said before he arrived. COSVERSATION WITTICISMS. Do not be always witty, even though you be so happily gifted as to need the caution. To out- .shine others on every occasion is the surest road to unpopularity. Always look, but never stare, at those with whom you converse. In order to meet the general needs of conversation in society, it is necessary that a man should be well acquainted with the current news and historical events of at least the last few years. AVOID UNFAMILIAR SUBJECTS. Never talk upon subjects of which you know noth- ing, unless it be for the purpose of acquiring infor- mation. Many young men imagine that because they frequent exhibitions and operas they are quali- fied judges of art. No mistake is more egregious 01 universal. INTRODUCING ANECDOTES. Those who introduce anecdotes into their uOnrfii* sation are warned that these should invariably be "short, witty, eloquent, new, and not far-fetched." Scandal is the least excusable of all conversation- al vulgarities. In conversation study to be quiet and composed. Do not talk too much, and do not inflict upon your *0 CONVERSATION. hearers interminably long stories, in which, at the best they can have frit & little interest. OORRECT PRONUNCIATION. Take pains to pronounce your words correctly. Some people have a strangely vulgar way of saying hos-pi^-dble for Tios-pit-able; inter-^-ing for w-ter- esting. AVOID REPEATING. Some persons have an awkward habit of repeat- ing the most striking parts of a story, especially the main point, if it has taken greatly the first time. This is in very bad taste, and always excites disgust. In most cases, the story pleased the first time, only because it was unexpected. CULTIVATING THE MIND. Your conversation can never be worth listening to unless you cultivate your mind. To talk well you must read much. A little knowledge on many sub- jects is soon acquired by diligent reading. One does not wish to hear a lady talk politics nor a smatter- ing of science; but she should be able to understand and listen with interest when politics are discussed, and to appreciate, in some degree, tbe conversation of scientific men, CONVERSATION. 71 Music. A well-bred lady of the present day is expected to know something of music besides merely playing a difficult piece. She should be able to discuss the merits of different styles of music, modestly and in- telligently; a little reading on the subject, and some attention to the intellectual character of music, will enable her to do so; and as music is becoming quite a national passion, she will find the subject brought forward very frequently by gentlemen. "A Low VOICE." I think one can always tell a lady by her voice and laugh neither of which will ever be loud or coarse, but soft, low, and nicely modulated. Shake- speare's unfailing taste tells us that *'A low voice is an excellent thing in woman." And we believe that the habit of never raising the voice would tend much to the comfort and happi- ness of many a home: as a proof of good breeding, it is unfailing. TALK WELL ABOUT TRIFLES. You should endeavor to have the habit of talking well about trifles. Be careful never to make person- al remarks to a stranger on any of the guests pres- ent: it is possible, nay probable, that they may be relatives, or at least friends. 7^ CON VERSA TION DOUBLE ENTENDRES. I need not say that no person of decency, still less delicacy, will be guilty of a double entendre. Still, as there are persons in the world possessing neither of these characteristics who will be guilty of them in the presence of people more respectable than them- selves, and as the young and inexperienced are some- times in doubt how to receive them, it is well to make some reference to them in a book of this char^ acter. A well-bred person always refuses to under- stand a phrase of doubtful meaning. If the phrase may be interpreted decently, and with such inter- pretation would provoke a smile, then smile to just the degree called for by such interpretation, and no more. The prudery which sits in solemn and severe rebuke at a double entendre is only second in indeli- cacy to the indecency which grows hilarious over it, since both must recognize the evil intent. It is suffi- cient to let it pass unrecognized. INDELICATE WORDS AND EXPRESSIONS. Not so when one hears an indelicate word or ex- pression, which allows of no possible harmless inter- pretation. Then not the shadow of a smile should flit across the lips. Either complete silence should be preserved in return or the words, "I do not under- stand you," be spoken. A lady will alwaj^s fail to hear that which she should not hear, or, having un- mistakably heard, she will not understand. CONVERSATION. 73 A lady was once in the streets of the city alone after dark, and a man accosted her. She replied to him in French. He followed her some distance try- ing to open a conversation with her; but as she per^ sisted in replying only in French, he at last turned away, completely baffled in his efforts to understand or be understood. PKOFANITY. A gentleman should never permit any phrase that approaches to an oath, to escape his lips in the pres- ence of a lady. If any man employs a profane ex- pression in the drawing-room, his pretensions to good-breeding are gone forever. The same reason extends to the society of men advanced in life; and he would be singularly defective in good taste, who should swear before old persons, however irreligious their own habits might be. The cause of profanity being offensive in these cases is that it denotes an entire absence of reverence and respect from the spirit of him who uses it. LISTENING. *'A dearth of words," says Young, "A woman need not fear, But 'tis a task, indeed to learn to Jwar, In that, the skill of conversation lies; That shows or makes you both polite and wise." Listening is not only a point of good-breeding and the best kind of flattery, but it is a method of ac 74 CONVERSATION. quiring information which no man of judgment will neglect. "This is a common vice in conversation," says Montaigue, "that instead of gathering observa- tions from others, we make it our whole business to lay ourselves open to them, and are more concerned how to expose and set out our own commodities, than how to increase our stock by acquiring new. Silence therefore, and modesty, are very advantageous qual- ities in conversation." GIVE CREDIT FOR WHAT You LEARN. But if a person gets knowledge in this way from another, he should always give him due credit for it : and not endeavor to sustain himself in society upon the claims that really belong to another. "It is a special trick of low cunning," says Walpole, with a very natural indignation, "to squeeze out knowledge from a modest man, who is eminent in any science; and then to use it as legally acquired, and pass the source in total silence." THE BEST KIND OF CONVERSATION. That conversation is the best which furnishes the most entertainment to the person conferred with, and calls upon him for the least exercise of mind. It is for this reason that argument and difference are stu- diously avoided by well-bred people; they tax and tire. It should be the aim of every one to utter his CONVERSATION. 75 remarks in such a form that the expression of assent or opposition need not follow from him he speaks with. INTERJECTIONS. The interjection of such phrases as, "You know," "You see," "Don't you see?" "Do you understand?" and similar ones that stimulate the attention, and demand an answer, ought to be avoided. Make your observations in. a calm and sedate way, which your companion may attend to or not, as he pleases, and let them go for what they are worth. AVOID WOUNDING THE FEEDINGS OF ANOTHER. To avoid wounding the feelings of another, is the key to almost every problem of manners that can be proposed; and he who will always regulate his say- ings and doings by that principle, may chance to break some conventional rule, but will rarely vio- late any of the essentials of good-breeding. Judg- ment and attention are as necessary to fulfil this pre- cept, as the disposition; for, by inadvertence or folly as much pain may be given as by designed malevo- lence. AFFECTATIONS. One of the first virtues of conversation is to be perspicuous and intelligible. Those quaint and af- 76 CONVERSATION. fected constructions, and high-flown, bookish phra- ses, in which gome indulge, to the embarrassment of those they talk to, are in bad taste and should be a\oided. There have indeed at times appeared writ- ers and schools of rhetoric who cultivated obscurity as a merit. USE PLAIN WORDS. A man of good sense will always make a point of using the plainest and simplest words that will con- vey his meaning; and will bear in mind that his principal or only business is to lodge his idea in the mind of his hearer. The same remark applies to distinctness of articulation; and Hannah More has justly observed that to speak so that people can hear you is one of the minor virtues. AVOID WIT WHICH WOUNDS. Those who have generosity enough to care for the feelings of others, or self-regard enough to covet good- will, will be careful to avoid every display of wit which wounds another. It is a happy circum- stance for the honor of our nature, and one very characteristical of the kindness of Providence, that a display of the easiest moral virtues will generally bring us more popularity than the exhibition of the greatest talente without them. CONVERSATION. 77 Part? may be praised, good nature is ador'd; Then draw your wit as seldom as your sword, And never on the weak. Those who scatter brilliant jibes without caring whom they wound, are as unwise as they are un- kind. Those sharp little sarcasms that bear a sting in their words, rankle long, sometimes forever, in the mind, and fester often into a fatal hatred never to be abated. PROPER RESERVE. Every one should avoid displaying his mind and principles and character entirely, but should let his remarks only open glimpses to his understanding. For women this precept is still more important. They are like moss-roses, and are most beautiful in spirit and in intellect, when they are but half-un- folded. PROFESSIONAL PECULIARITIES. When a man goes into company, he should leave behind him all peculiarities of mind and manners. That, indeed, constitued Dr. Johnson's notion of a gentleman; and as far as negatives go, the notion was correct. It is in bad taste, particularly, to employ technical or professional terms in general conversa- tion. Young physicians and lawyers often commit that error. The most eminent members of those occupations 78 CONVERSATION. are the most free from it; for the reason, that the most eminent have the most sense. MODESTY. Young men often, through real modesty, put forth their remarks in the form of personal opinions; as, with the introduction of, " I think so-and-so," or, "Now, I, for my part, have found it otherwise." This is generally prompted by humility; and yet it has an air of arrogance. The persons who employ such phrases, mean to shrink from affirming a fact into ex- pressing a notion, but are taken to be designing to extend an opinion into an affirmance of a fact. CONVERSING WITH LADIES. If you are a gentleman, never lower the intellect- ual standard of your conversation in addressing ladies. Pay them the compliment of seeming to consider them capable of an equal understanding with gentlemen. You will, no doubt, be somewhat surprised to find in how many cases the supposition will be grounded on fact, and in the few instances where it is not the ladies will be pleased rather than offended at the delicate compliment you pay them. When you "come down" to commonplace or small- talk with an intelligent lady, one of two things is the consequence, she either recognizes the conde- scension and despise? you, or else she accepts it as CONVERSATION. 19 the highest intellectual effort of which you are capa- ble, and rates you accordingly. CONCLUSION. The foregoing rules are not simply intended as good advice. They are strict laws of etiquette, to violate any one of which justly subjects a person to the imputation of being ill-bred. But they should not be studied as mere arbitrary rules. The heart should be cultivated in the right manner until the acts of the individual spontaneously flow in the right channels. A recent writer remarks on this subject: "Con- versation is a reflex of character. The pretentious, the illiterate, the impatient, the curious, will as inev- itably betray their idiosyncrasies as the modest, the even-tempered and the generous. Strive as we may, we cannot always be acting. Let us therefore, cul- tivate a tone of mind and a habit of life the betray- al of which need not put us to shame in the com- pany of the pure and wise; and the rest will be easy. If we make ourselves worthy of refined and intelli- gent society, we shall not be rejected from it; and in such society we shall acquire by example all that we have failed to learn from precept." VISITS AND VISITING. CHAPTER 7. JF visits there are various kinds, visits of congratulation, visits of condolence, visits of cere- mony, visits of friendship. Such visits are necessary, in order to maintain good feeling between the members of soci- ety; they are required by the custom of the age in which we live and must be carefully attended to. VISITS OP CONGRATULATIONS. Upon the appointment of one of your friends to any office or dignity, you call upon him to congratulate, not him, but the country, community or state, on account of the honor and advantage which it derives from the appointment. If one of your friends has delivered a public ora- tion, call upon him when he has returned home, and tender to him your thanks for the great pleasure and satisfaction for which you are indebted to him, and express your high estimation of the luminous, ele- 80 VISITS. 81 gant, &c. discourse, trusting that he will be prevail* ed upon to suffer it published. VISITS OP CEREMONY OR CALLS. Visits of ceremony, merging occasionally into those of friendship, but uniformly required after dining at a friends's house. Professional men are not however, in general, expected to pay such visits, because their time is preoccupied; but they form al- most the only exception. TIME TO MAKE CEREMONIOUS VISITS. Visits of ceremony must be necessarily short. They should on no account be made before the hour, nor yet during the time of luncheon. Persons who intrude themselves at unwonted hours are never welcome; the lady of the house does not like to be disturbed when she is perhaps dining with her chil- dren; and the servants justly complain of being in- terrupted at the hour when they assemble for their noon-day meal. Ascertain, therefore, which you can readily do, what is the family hour for luncheon, and act accordingly. KEEP AN ACCOUNT OF CEREMONIAL VISITS: Keep a strict account of your ceremonial visits. This is needful, because time passes rapidly; and take note how soon your calls are returned. You will thus be able, in most cases, to form an opinion wheth- er or not your frequent visits are desired. Instances 82 VISITS. may however occur, when, in consequence of age 01 ill health, it is desirable that you should call, with- out any reference to your visits being return- ed. When desirous to act thus, remember that if possible, nothing should interrupt the discharge of this duty. VISITS OP CEREMONY AMONG FRIENDS. Among relations and intimate friends, visits of mere ceremony are unnecessary. It is however, need- ful to call at suitable times, and to avoid staying too long if your friend is engaged. The courtesies of society, as already noticed, must ever be maintained even in the domestic circle, or among the nearest friends. CALLING AT AN INCONVENIENT HOUR. Should you call by chance at an inconvenient hour, when perhaps the lady is going out, or sitting down to luncheon, retire as soon as possible, even if politely asked to remain. You need not let it aD- pear that you feel yourself an intruder; every well- bred or even good-tempered person knows what to say on such an occasion; but politely withdraw with a promise to call again, if the lady seems to be really disappointed. VISITING AT HOTELS. If you call to see a friend who is staying at lodg- VISITS. 83 ings, however intimate you may be with him, wait below until a servant has carried up your name and returned to tell you whether you can be admitted. If you cannot find any one to announce you, you should knock gently at the chamber-door, and wait a little while before entering. If you are in too great a hurry, you might find the person drawing off a night-cap. These decent formalities are necessary even in the most unreserved friendships; they pre- serve the "familiar" from degenerating into the "vul- gar." Disgust will very speedily arise between per- sons who bolt into one another's chambers, throw open the windows and seat themselves without being desired to do so. Such intimacies are like the junc- tion of two electrical balls, only the prelude of a violent separation. VISITING THE SICK. In calling to see a person confined by illness to his room, it is not enough that you send up your name; you must wait till the servant returns. STYLE OF CONVERSATION. The style of your conversation should always be in keeping with the character of your visit. You must not talk about literature in a visit of condolence nor lecture on political economy in a visit of cere- mony. 84 VISITS. VISITS OF CONDOLENCE. Visits of condolence should be paid within a week after the event which occasions them; but if the ac- quaintance be slight, immediately after the family appear at public worship. A card should be sent up; and if your friends are able to receive you, let your manners and conversation be in harmony with the character of your visit. It is courteous to send up a mourning card; and for ladies to make their calls in black silk or plain-colored apparel. It de- notes that they sympathize with the afflictions of the family; and such attentions are always pleasing. BEFORE GOING ABROAD. When you are going abroad, intending to be ab- sent for some time, you enclose your card in an en- velope, having, first, written p. p. c. upon it; they are the initials of the French phrase, "pour prendre conge" to take leave, and may with equal propriety stand for presents parting compliments. TAKING LEAVE OF A FAMILY. In taking leave of a family, you send as many cards as you would if you were paying an ordinary visit. When you return from your voyage, all the persons to whom, before going, you have sent cards, will pay you the first visit. VISITS. 85 MEETING OTHER VISITORS. If a gentleman call at a house when a woman is visiting there at the same time, and there is no male relation of the mistress of the house present, he should rise, when she takes leave, and accompany her to her carriage, opening the doors for her. If his visit has been of tolerable length, it were less awkward, if he were to take leave at the same time; if not, return to the parlor. GENTLEMEN'S MORNING CALL. Gentlemen will do well to bear in mind that, when they pay morning calls, they must carry their hats with them into the drawing-room; but on no account put them on the chairs or table. There is a grace- ful manner of holding a hat, which every well-bred man understands. RETURNING FROM THE COUNTRY. In the beginning of the season, afterpersons have returned from the country, and at the close of it when you are about to leave town, you should call upon all your acquaintance. It is polite and pleas- ant to do the same thing on New Year's day, to wish your friends the compliments of that season. CARDS FOR CEREMONIOUS VISITS. It is becoming more usual for visits of ceremony 86 VISITS. to be performed by cards; it will be a happy daj when that is universal. CALLING ON STRANGERS. If a stranger belonging to your own class of socie- ty comes to town, you should call upon him. That civility should be paid even if there be no previous acquaintance; and it does not require the ceremony of an introduction. In going to another city, you should in general wait to be visited; but the etiquette is different in many cities of our country. ENGAGED OR NOT AT HOME. When you call to see a person, and are informed at the door, that the party whom you ask for, is en- gaged, you should never persist in your attempt ta be admitted, but should acquiesce at once in their arrangements which the others have made for then convenience, to protect themselves from interrup- tion. However intimate you may be in any house, you have no right nor reason, when an order has been given to exclude general visitors, and no excep- tion has been made of you, to violate that exclusion and declare that the party shall be at home to you. I have known several persons who have had the hab- it of forcing an entrance into a house, after having been thus forbidden; but whatever has been the de- gree of intimacy, I never knew it done without giv- ing an offence bordering on disgust. There are many times and seasons at which a person chooses to be VISITS. 87 wme, and when there is no friendship for which he vrould give up his occupation or his soli- tude. EVENING VISITS. Evening visits are paid only to those with whom we are well acquainted. They should not be very frequent even where one is intimate, nor should they be much protracted. Frequent visits will gain for a man, in any house, the reputation of tiresome, and long visits will invariably bring down the appella- tion of bore. Morning visits are always extremely brief, being matters of mere ceremony. FRIENDLY CALLS. It is not necessary to mention friendly calls, ex- cept to state, that almost all ceremony should be dis- pensed with, They are made at all hours without much preparation or dressing; a too brilliant attire would be out of place, and if the engagement of the day carry you in such a costume to the house of a friend, you ought obligingly to make an explana- tion. KEEP ACCOUNT OF VISITS. With a friend or relation whom we treat as such, we do not keep an account of our visits. The one who has the most leisure calls on the one who has the least; but this privilege ought not to be abused; it is necessary to make our visits of friend- 88 VISITS. ship at suitable times. On the contrary, a visit of ceremony should never be made without keeping an account of it, and we should even remember the in- tervals at which they are returned, for it is indispen- sably necessary to let a similar interval elapse. Peo- ple in this way give you notice whether they wish to see you often or seldom. There are some persons whom one goes to see once in a fortnight; others, once a month; and others, less frequently. OMITING VISITS. In order not to omit visits, which are to be made, or to avoid making them form misinformation, when a preceding one has not been returned, persons who have an extensive acquaintance will do well to keep a little memorandum-book for this purpose. CEREMONIOUS VISITS. We cannot make ceremonious visits in a becom- ing manner, if we have any slight indisposition which may for the time affect our appearance or voice, which may embarrass our thoughts, and ren- der our company fatiguing. SUITABLE TIMES FOR VISITS. To take a suitable time for one's self, or for others, is indispensable in visiting, as in everything else; if you can obtain this by remembering the habits of the person you are going to see, by making arrange- ments so as not to call at the time of taking meals. VISITS. 89 in moments of occupation, and when they are like- ly to be walking. This time necessarily varies; but as a general rule we must take care not to make cer- emonious visits, either before the middle of the day or after four o'clock. To do otherwise would, on the one hand, look like importunity, by presenting one's self too early, and on the other might interfere with arrangements that had been made for the even- ing. HOW TO TREAT VISITORS, A well-bred person aways receives visitors at what- ever time they may call, or whoever they may be; but if you are occupied and cannot afford to be interrupt- ed by a mere ceremony, you should instruct the ser- vant beforehand to say that you are " Engaged. > The form " not at home" sometimes employed by ladies cannot be too strongly condemned. However much one may try to justify it, the fact remains that it is a falsehood. Any lady lowers herself in her own and others estimation by resorting to prevarica- tion, however slight. If the servant once admits a visitor within the hall, you should receive him at any inconvenience to yourself. A lady should never keep a visitor waiting more than a minute, or two at the most, and if she cannot avoid doing so, must apologize on entering the drawing-room. TAKING A SEAT WHILE VISITING. In good society, a visitor, unless he is a complete 9 <> VISITS. stranger, does not wait to be invited to sit down, but takes a seat at once easily. A gentleman should never take the principal place in the room, nor, on the other hand, sit at an inconvenient distance from the lady of the house. He must hold his hat grace- fully, not put it on a chair or table, or, if he wants to use both hands, must place it on the floor close to his chair. PAY EQUAL ATTENTION TO ALL. A well-bred lady, who is receiving two or three visitors at a time, pays equal attention to all, and attempts, as much as possible, to generalize the con- versation, turning to all in succession. The last arrival, however, receives a little more attention at first than the others, and the latter, to spare her em- barrasment, should leave as soon as convenient. People who out-sit two or three parties of visitors, unless they have some particular motive for doing so, come under the denomination of "bores." A "bore" is a person who does not know when you have had enough of his or her company. TAKING A FRIEND WITH YOU VISITING. Be cautious how you take an intimate friend un- invited even to the house of those with whom you may be equally intimate, as there is always a feeling ing of jealous}'' that another should share your thoughts and feelings to the same extent as them- VISITS. 91 selves, although good breeding will induce them to behave civilly to your friend on your account. PRIVILAGES OF LADIES. Ladies in the present day are allowed considerable license in paying and receiving visits; subject, how- ever, to certain rules, which it is needful to define. VISITING ACQUAINTANCES ALONE. Young married ladies may visit their acquaintan- ces alone; but they may not appear in any public places unattended by their husbands or elder ladies. This rule must never be infringed, whether as re- gards exhibitions, or public libraries, museums, or promonades; but a young married lady is at liberty to walk with her friends of the same age, whether married or single. Gentlemen are permitted to call on married ladies at their own houses. Such calls the usages of society permit, but never without the knowledge and full permission of husbands. A LADY CALLING ON A GENTLEMAN. A lady never calls on a gentleman, unless profes- sionally or officially. It is not only ill-bred, but pos- itively improper to do so. At the same time, there is a certain privilege in age, which makes it possible for an old bachelor like myself to receive a visit from any married lady whom I know very intimately, but such a call would certainly not be one of cere- mony, and always presupposes a desire to consult me 92 VISITS. on some point or other. I should be guilty of shame- ful treachery, however, if I told any one that I had received such a visit, while I should certainly expect that my fair caller would let her husband know of it. PREFERENCE OP SEATS. When morning visitors are announced, rise and advance toward them. If a lady enters request her to be seated on a sofa; but if advanced in life, or the visitor be an elderly gentleman, insist on their ac- cepting an easy chair, and place yourself, by them. If several ladies arrive at the same time, pay due re- spect to age and rank, and seat them in the most honorable places; these, in w:.nter, are beside the fire. RESPECT TOWARD THE FEEBLE XND AGED. Supposing that a young lady occupies such a seat, and a lady older than herself, or superior in condi- tion, enters the room, she must rise immediately, and having courteously offered her place to the new com- er, take another in a different part of the room. DISCONTINUING WORK. If a lady is engaged with her needle when a vis- itor arrives, she ought to discontinue her work, un- less requested to do otherwise; and not even then must it be resumed, unless on very intimate terms with her acquaintance. When this, however, is the VISITS, 93 case, the hostess may herself request permission to do so. To continue working during a visit of cere- mony would be extremely discourteous; and we can- not avoid hinting to our lady readers, that even when a particular friend is present for only a short time, it is somewhat inconsistent with etiquette to keep their eyes fixed on a crochet or knitting-book, appar- ently engaged in counting stitches, or unfolding the intricacies of a pattern. We have seen this done, and are, therefore, careful to warn them on the sub- ject. There are many kinds of light and elegant, and even useful work, which do not require close at- tention, and may be profitably pursued; and such we recommend to be always on the work-table at those hours which, according to established practice, are given to social intercourse. VISITING CARDS. Visitors should furnish themselves with cards. Gentlemen ought simply to put their cards into their pocket, but ladies may carry them in a small ele- gant portfolio, called a card-case. This they can hold in their hand and it will contribute essentially (with an elegant handkerchief of embroidered cam- bric,) to give them an air of good taste. ADDRESS ON CARDS. On visiting cards, the address is usually placed under the name, towards the bottom of the card, and in smaller letters. Mourning cards are sur- 94 VISITS. mounted with a broad black margin; half mourn- ing ones, with a black edge only. KEEPING CARDS. It is bad taste to keep the cards you have received around the frame of a looking-glass; such an ex- posure shows that you wish to make a display of the names of visitors. When from some cause or other which multiplies visitors at your house; (such as a funeral or a marriage,) you are obliged to return these numerous calls, it is not amiss to preserve the cards in a convenient place, and save yourself the trouble of writing a list; but if, during the year, your glass is always seen bristling with smoke-dried cards, it will be attributed, without doubt, to an ill- regulated self esteem. If the call is made in a car- riage, the servant will ask if the lady you wish to see is at home. If persons call on foot, they go themselves to ask the servants. LAYING ASIDE THE BONNET. The short time devoted to a ceremonious visit, the necessity of consulting a glass in replacing the head- dress, and of being assisted in putting on the shawl, prevent ladies from accepting the invitation to lay them aside. If they are slightly familiar with the person they are visiting and wish to be more at ease, they should ask permission, which should be grant- ed them, at the same time rising, to assist them in taking off their hat and shawl. An arm-chair, 95 or a piece of furniture at a distant part of the room, should receive these articles; they should not be placed upon the couch, without the mistress of the house puts them there. HABITUAL VISITS. At the house of a person whom we visit habitual- ly, we can lay them aside without saying a word, and a lady can even adjust her hair, &c. before the glass, provided she occupies only a few moments in doing it. If the person you call upon is preparing to go out, or to sit down at table, you should although asked to remain, to retire as soon as possible. The person visited so unseasonably, should on her part, be careful to conceal her knowledge, that the other wishes the visit ended quickly. We should always appear delighted to receive vis- itors; and should they make a short visit, you must express your regret. SHORT VISITS. Ceremonious visits should be short; if the conver- sation ceases without being again continued by the person you have come to see, and if she gets up from her seat under any pretext whatever, custom re- quires you to make your salutation and withdraw. If before this tacit invitation to retire, other visitors are announced, you should adroitly leave them with- out saying much. If, while you are present, a letter is brought to the person you are visiting, and she 06 VISITS. should lay it down without opening it, you must en- treat her to read it; she will probably not do so, and this circumstance will warn you to shorten your visit. UNINTENTIONAL INTRUSIONS. In most families in this country, evening calls are the most usual. ShoXild you chance to visit a fami- ly, and find that they have a party, present yourself, and converse for a few minutes with an unembar- rassed air; after which you may retire, unless urged to remain. A slight invitation, given for the sake of courtesy, ought not to be accepted. Make no apology for your unintentional intrusion; but let it be known, in the course of a few days, that you were not aware that your friends had company. TRUE HOSPITALITY. In receiving guests, your first object should be to make them feel at home. Begging them to make themselves at home is not sufficient. You should display a genuine unaffected friendliness. Whether you are mistress of a mansion or a cottage, and in- vite a friend to share your hospitality, you must en- deavor, by every possible means, to render the visit agreeable. This should be done without apparent effort, that the visitor may feel herself to be a par- taker in your home enjoyments, instead of finding that you put yourself out of the way to procure ex- traneous pleasures. It is right and proper that you VISITS. 97 seek to make the time pass lightly; but if, on the other hand, you let a visitor perceive that the whole tenor of your daily concerns is altered on her account a degree of depression will be felt, and the pleasant anticipations which she most probably entertained will fail to be realized. Let your friend be assured, from your manner, that her presence is a real enjoy- ment to you, an incentive to recreations which other- wise would not be thought of in the common rou- tine of life. Observe your own feelings when you happen to be the guest of a person who, though he may be very much your friend, and really glad to see you, seems not to know what to do either with you or himself; and again, when in the house of another you feel as much at ease as in your own. Mark the difference, more easily felt than described, between the manners of the two, and deduce there- from a lesson for your own improvement. TREATMENT OF GUESTS. If you have guests in your house, you are to ap- pear to feel that they are all equal for the time, for they all have an equal claim upon your courtesies. Those of the humblest condition will receive Jutt as much attention as the rest, in order that you shall not painfully make them feel their inferiority. Offer your guests the best that you have in the way of food and rooms, and express no regrets and make no excuses that you have nothing better to give them. 98 VISITS. Try to make your guests feel at home; and do this, not by urging them in empty words to do so but by making their stay as pleasant as possible, at the same time being careful to put out of sight any trifling trouble or inconvenience they may cause you. Devote as much time as is consistent with other engagements to the amusement and entertainment of your guests. DUTIES OP THE VISITOR. On the other hand, the visitor should try to con^ form as much as possible to the habits of the house which temporarily shelters him. He should never object to the hours at which meals are served, nor should he ever allow the family to be kept waiting on his account. It is a good rule for a visitor to retire to his own apartment in the morning, or at least seek out some occupation of his own, without seeming to need the assistance or attention of host or hostess; for it is undeniable that these have certain duties which must be attended to at this portion of the day, in ^rder to leave the balance of the time free for the entertainment of their guests. If any family matters of a private or unpleasant nature come to the knowledge of the guest during his stay, he must seem both blind and deaf, and never refer to them unless the parties interested speak of them first. Still more is he under moral VISITS. 99 obligations never to repeat to others what he may have been forced to see and hear. The rule on which a host and hostess should act is to make their guests as much at ease as possible; that on which a visitor should act is to interfere as little as possible with the ordinary routine of the house. It is not required that a hostess should spend her whole time in the entertainment of her guests. The latter may prefer to be left to their own devices for a portion of the day. On the other hand it shows the worst of breeding for a visitor to seclude him- self from the family and seek his own amusements and occupations regardless of their desire to join in them or entertain him. Such a guest had better go to a hotel, where he can live as independently as he chooses. Give as little trouble as possible when a guest, but at the same time never think of apologizing for any little additional trouble which your visit may occa- sion. It would imply that you thought your friends incapable of entertaining you without some incon- venience to themselves. Keep your room as neat as possible, and leave no articles of dress or toilet around to give trouble to servants. A lady will not hesitate to make her own bed if few or no servants are kept; and in the latter case she will do whatever else she can to lighten the la- bors of her hostess as a return for the additional ex- ertion her visit occasions. 100 VISITS. LEAVETAKING. Upon taking leave express the pleasure you have experienced in your visit. Upon returning home it is an act of courtesy to write and inform your friends of your safe arrival, at the same time repeating your thanks. A host and hostess should do all they can to make the visit of a friend agreeable; they should urge him to stay as long as is consistent with his own plans, and at the same time convenient to them- selves. But when the time for departure has been finally fixed upon, no obstacles should be placed in the way of leavetaking. Help him in every possi- ble way to depart, at the same time giving him a general invitation to renew the visit at some future period. "Welcome the coming, speed the parting, guest," expresses the true spirit of hospitality. DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. CHAPTER 8. INNER has been pronounced by Dr. Johnson, to be, in civilized life, the most important hour of the twenty-four. The etiquette of the dinner-table has a promi- nence commensurate with the dig- nity of the ceremony. Like the historian of Peter Bell, we com- mence at the commencement, and thence proceed to the moment when you take leave officially, or vanish unseen. INVITATIONS. In order to dine, the first requisite is to be invited. The length of time which the invitation precedes the dinner is always proportioned to the grandeur of the occasion, and varies from two days to two weeks. REPLY TO INVITATION. You reply to a note of invitation immediately, and in the most direct and unequivocal terms. If you accept, you arrive at the house rigorously at the 101 102 DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. hour specified. It is equally inconvenient to be too late and to be too early. If you fall into the latter error, you find every thing in disorder ; the master of the house is in his dressing-room, changing his waistcoat; the lady is still in the pantry ; the fire not yet lighted in the parlor. If by accident or thoughtless- ness you arrive too soon, you may pretend that you called to inquire the exact hour at which they dine, having mislaid the note, and then retire to walk for an appetite. ARRIVING TOO LATE. If you are too late, the evil is still greater, and indeed almost without a remedy. Your delay spoils the dinner and destroys the appetite and temper of the guests ; and you yourself are so much embarrassed at the inconvenience you have occasioned, that you commit a thousand errors at table. If you do not reach the house until dinner is served, you had better retire to a restaurant, and thence send an apology, and not interrupt the harmony of the courses by awkward excuses and cold acceptances. MANNERS AT TABLE. Nothing indicates the good breeding of a gentle- man so much as his manners at table. There are a thousand little points to be observed, which, al- though not absolutely necessary, distinctly stamp the refined and well-bred man. A man may pass mus- ter by dressing well, and may sustain himself tolerably DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. 103 in conversation ; but if he be not perfectly "aufait " dinner will betray him. DRESS NEATLY FOR DINNER PARTY. Always go to a dinner as neatly dressed as possi- ble. The expensiveness of your apparel is not of much importance, but its freshness and cleanliness are indispensable. The hands and finger-nails re- quire especial attention. It is a great insult to every lady at the table for a man to sit down to dinner with his hands in a bad condition. How LONG TO REMAIN AFTER DINNER. Politeness demands that you remain at least an hour in the parlor, after dinner; and, if you can dispose of an entire evening, it would be well to devote it to the person who has entertained you. It is excessively rude to leave the house as soon as dinner is over. CONGENIAL COMPANY. The utmost care should be taken that all the com- pany will be congenial to one another, and with a similarity of tastes and acquirements, so that there shall be a common ground upon which they may meet. NUMBER OF GUESTS. The number of guests should not be too large. From six to ten form the best number, being neither 104 DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. too large nor too small. By no means let the num- ber at table count thirteen, for certain people have a superstition about this number; and though it is a very foolish and absurd one, it is courteous to re- spect it. MANNER OF WRITING INVITATIONS. The invitations should be written on small note- paper, which may have the initial letter or mono' gram stamped upon it, but good taste forbids any- thing more. The envelope should match the sheet of paper The invitation should be issued in the name of the host and hostess. The form of invitation should be as follows: "Mr. and Mrs. Ford request the pleasure [or favor] of Mr. and Mrs. Harper's company at dinner on Thursday, the 13th of December, at 5 o'clock." An answer should be returned at once, so that if the invitation is declined the hostess may modify her arrangements accordingly. INVITATION ACCEPTED. An acceptance may be given in the following form : "Mr. and Mrs. Harper have much pleasure in accepting Mr. and Mrs. Ford's invitation for De- cember 13th." INVITATION DECLINED. The invitation is declined in the following manner 4 DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. 105 "Mr. and Mrs. Harper regret that a previous en- gagement (or whatever the cause may be) will pre- vent them having the pleasure of accepting Mr. and Mrs. Ford's invitation for December 13th." Or, "Mr. and Mrs. Harper regret extremely that owing to [whatever the preventing cause may be,] they cannot have the pleasure of dining with Mr. and Mrs. Ford on Thursday, December 13th." Whatever the cause for declining may be, it should be stated briefly yet plainly, that there may be no occasion for misunderstanding or hard feelings. INVITATION TO TEA-PARTY. The invitation to a tea-party may be less formal. It may take the form of a friendly note, something in this manner: "DEAR Miss PATTERSON," "We have some friends coming to drink tea with us to-morrow: will you give us the pleasure of your company also? We hope you will not disappoint us." One should always say "drink tea," not "take tea," which is a vulgarism. RECEPTION OP GUESTS. When guests are announced, the lady of the house advances a few steps to meet them; gives them her hand and welcomes them cordially. 106 DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. INTRODUCTION OF GUESTS. If there are strangers in the company, it is best to introduce them to all present, that they may feel no embarrassment. PROCEEDING TO DINNER. When they are all assembled, a domestic announ- ces that the dinner is served up; at this signal we rise immediately, and wait until the master of the house requests us to pass into the din- ing-room, whither he conducts us by goiag before. It is quite common for the lady of the house to act as guide to the guests, while the master offers his arm to the lady of most distinction. The guests al- so give their arms to the ladies, whom they conduct as far as the table, and to the places which they are to occupy. Having arrived at the table, each guest respectfully bows to the lady whom he conducts, and who in her turn bows also. ARRANGING GUESTS AT TABLE. It is one of the first and most difficult things, properly to arrange the quests, and to place them in such a manner, that the conversation may always be general during the entertainment; we should, as much as possible, avoid putting next one another, two persons of the same profession, as it would ne- cessarily result in an aside dialogue, which would injure the general conversation, and consequently DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. 107 the gaiety of the occasion. The two most distin- guished gentlemen ought to be placed next the mistress of the house; and the two most distinguish- ed ladies next the master of the house; the right hand is especially the place of honor. INTERMINGLING GUESTS. If the number of gentlemen is nearly equal to that of the ladies, wo should take care to intermingle them; we should separate husbands from their wives, and remove near relations as far from one another as possible; because being always together, they ought not to converse among themselves in a general party. At table, as well as at all other places, the lady al- ways takes precedence of the gentleman. ASKING THE WAITER FOR ANYTHING. If you ask the waiter for anything, you will be careful to speak to him gently in the tone of request, and not of command To speak to a waiter in a driv- ing manner will create, among well-bred people, the suspicion that you were sometime a servant yourself, and are putting on airs at the thought of your pro- motion. Lord Chesterfield says: "If I tell a foot- man to bring me a glass of wine, in a rough, insult- ing manner, I should expect that, in obeying me, he would contrive to spill some of it upon me, and I am sure I should deserve it." i08 DINNER-PARTIES A1T& BALLS. PRAISING EVERY DISH. It is not good taste to praise extravagantly every dish that is set before you; but if there are some things that are really very nice, it is well to speak in their praise. But, above all things, avoid seeming indifferent to the dinner that is provided for you, as that might be construed into a dissatisfaction with it. PICKING YOUR TEETH AT THE TABLE. Avoid picking your teeth, if possible, at the table, for however agreeable such a practice might be to yourself, it may be offensive to others. The habit which some have of holding one hand over the mouth, does not avoid the vulgarity of teeth-pick- ing at table. SELECTING A PARTICULAR DTSH. Unless you are requested to do so, never select any particular part of a dish; but if your host asks you what part you prefer, name some part, as in this case the incivility would consist in making your host choose as well as carve for you. DUTIES OF HOST AND HOSTESS. The lady and gentleman of the house, are of course helped last, and they are very particular to notice, every minute, whether the waiters are attentive to every guest. But they do not press people either to DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. 109 eat more than they appear to want, nor insist upon their partaking of any particular dish. It is allow- able for you to recommend, so far as to say that it is considered "excellent," but remember that tastes dif- fer, and dishes which suit you, may be unpleasant to others; and that, in consequence of your urgency some modest people might feel themselves compelled to partake of what is disagreeable to them. PARING FRUIT FOR A LADY. Never pare an apple or a pear for a lady unless she desire you, and then be careful to use your fork to hold it; you may sometimes offer to divide a very large pear with or for a person. DIPPING BREAD INTO PRESERVES. It is considered vulgar to dip a piece of bread into the preserves or gravy upon your plate and then bite it If you desire to eat them together, it is much better to break the bread in small pieces, and con- vey these to your mouth with your fork. SOUP. Soup is the first course. All should accept it even .11 they let it remain untouched, because it is better k> make a pretence of eating until the next course is served than to sit waiting or compel the servants to serve one before the rest. Soup should be eaten with the side of the spoon, Hot from the point, and there should be no noise of HO DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. sipping while eating it. It should not be called fo* a second time, FISH. Fish follows soup, and must be eaten with a fork, unless fish-knives are provided. Put the sauce, when it is handed you, on the side of your plate. Fish may be declined, but must not be called for a second time. GENERAL RULES REGARDING DINNER. After soup and fish, come the side-dishes, which must be eaten with a fork only, though the knife may be used in cutting anything too hard for a fork. Never apologize to a waiter for requiring him to wait upon you; that is his business. Neither re- prove him for negligence or improper conduct, that is the business of the host. Never take up a piece of asparagus or the bones of fowl or bird with your fingers to suck them, pos sibly making the remark that "fingers were made before forks." These things should always be cut with a knife and eaten with a fork. If fingers were made before forks, so were wooden trenchers before the modern dinner service. Yet it would rathei startle these advocates of priority to be invited to a dinner-party where the dining-table was set with a wooden trencher in the centre, into which all the guests were expected to dip with their fingers. DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. HI Bread should be broken, not bitten. This is, of course, taken with the fingers. Be careful to remove the bones from fish before eating it. If a bone gets inadvertently into the mouth, the lips must be covered with the napkin in removing it. Cherry-stones should be removed from the mouth as unobtrusively as possible and deposited on the side of the plate, A good way is to watch how others are doing and follow their example. A better way still is for the hostess to have her cherries stoned before they are made into pies and puddings, and thus save ber guests this dilemma. If it is an informal dinner, and the guests pass the dishes to one another instead of waiting to be helped by a servant, you should always help yourself from the dish, if you desire to do so at all, before passing it on to the next. A guest should never find fault with the dinner or with any part of it. When you are helped, begin to eat without wait- ing for others to be served. A knife should never, on any account, be put into the mouth. Many even well-bred people in other particulars think this an unnecessary regulation; but when we consider that it is a rule of etiquette, and that its violation causes surprise and disgust to many people, it is wisest to observe it; As an illustration of this point, I will quote from a letter from the late Wm. M. Thackeray, addressed 112 DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. to a gentleman in Philadelphia: "The European continent swarms with your people. They are not all as polished as Chesterfield. I wish some of them spoke French a little better. I saw five of them at supper at Basle the other night with their knives down their throats. It was awful! My daughter saw it, and I was obliged to say, 'My dear, your great- great grandmother, one of the finest ladies of the old school I ever saw, always applied cold steel to her wittles. It's no crime to eat with a knife/ which is all very well; but I wish five of 'em at a time wouldn't." WATCHING HOW OTHERS DO. to'peaking of watching how others are doing, and following their example, reminds us of an anecdote told us not long since by the lady who played the principal part in it. She was visiting at the house of a friend, and one day there was upon the dinner-table some sweet corn cooked on the ear. Not knowing exactly how to manage it so as not to give offense, she concluded to observe how the others did. Presently two of the members of the family took up their ears of corn in their fingers and ate the grain directly from the cob. So Miss Mary thought she might venture to eat hers in the same manner. Scarcely had she begun, how- ever, when her hostess turned to her little boy and said, "I am going to let you eat your corn just like a little pig to-day." DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. 113 "How is that, mamma?" questioned the boy. "Look at Miss Mary," was the reply. "I am going to let you eat it just as Miss Mary is eating hers." The mixed state of Miss Mary's feelings can be better imagined than described. Never use a napkin in the place of a handkerchief by wiping the forehead or blowing the nose with it. Do not scrape your plate or tilt it to get the last drop of anything it may contain, or wipe it out with a piece of bread. Pastry should be eaten with a fork. Everything that can be cut without a knife, should be cut with a fork alone. Eat slowly. Pudding may be eaten with a fork or spoon. Ice requires a spoon. Cheese must be eaten with a fork. Talk in a low tone to your next neighbor, but not in so low a tone but that your remarks may become general. Never speak with the mouth full. Never lay your hand or play with your fingers upon the table. Neither toy with your knife, fork or spoon, make pills of your bread nor draw imag- inary lines upon the table-cloth. Never bite fruit. An apple, pear or peach should be peeled with a silver knife, and all fruit should be broken or cut. 114 DINNERPARTIES AND BALLS. URGING GUESTS TO EAT. A mistress of a house ought never to appear to pride herself regarding what is on her table, nor confuse herself with apologies for the bad cheer which she offers you; it is much better for her to ob- serve silence in this respect, and leave it to her guests to pronounce eulogiums on the dinner; nei- ther is it in good taste to urge guests to eat nor to load their plate against their inclination. WAITING ON OTHERS. If a gentleman is seated by the side of a lady or elderly person, politeness requires him to save them all trouble of pouring out for themselves to drink, of procuring anything to eat, and of obtaining what- ever they are in want of at the table and he should be eager to offer them what he thinks to be most to their taste. MONOPOLIZING CONVERSATION It would be impolite to monopolize a conversation which ought to be general. If the company is large we should converse with our neighbors, raising the voice only loud enough to make ourselves heard. SIGNAL FOR LEAVING THE TABLE. It is for the mistress of the house to give the sig- nal to leave the table; all the guests then rise, and, offering their arms to the ladies, wait upon them to the door. DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. ^5 You should not leave the table before the end of the entertainment, unless from urgent necessity. We are glad to say that the English habit of gen- tlemen remaining at the table, after the ladies have retired, to indulge in wine, coarse conversation and obscene jokes, has never been received into popular favor in this country. The very words "after-dinner jokes" suggest something indecent. We take our manners from Paris instead of London, and ladies and gentlemen retire together from the dining-table instead of the one sex remaining to pander to their baser appetites, and the other departing with all their delicate sentiments in a state of outrage if they pause to think of the eause of their dismissal. After retiring to the drawing-room the guests should intermingle in a social manner, and the time until the hour of taking leave may be spent either in conversation or in various entertaining games. It is expected the guests will remain two or three hours after the dinner. DANCING. Lord Chesterfield, in his letters to his son, says : "Dancing is, in itself, a very trifling and silly thing: but it is one of those established follies to which people of sense are sometimes obliged to conform; and then they should be able to do it well. And though I would not have you a dancer, yet, when you do dance, I would have you dance well, as I would have you do everything you do well." In 116 DINNER-PAMTIES AND BALLS. another letter, he writes: "Do you mind your danc- ing while your dancing master is with you ? As you will be often under the necessity of dancing a minuet, I would have you dance it very well. Remember that the graceful motion of the arms, the giving of your hand, and the putting off and putting on of your hat genteelly, are the material parts of a gentle- man's dancing. But the greatest advantage of danc- ing well is, that it necessarily teaches you to present yourself, to sit, stand, and walk genteelly; all of which are of real importance to a man of fashion." GIVING A BALL. If you cannot afford to give a ball in good style, you had better not attempt it at all. Having made up your mind to give a ball and to do justice to the occasion, and having settled upon the time, the next thing is to decide whom and how many to invite. In deciding upon the number a due regard must be paid to the size of the rooms; and after making allowance for a reasonable number who may not accept the invitation, there should be no more invited than can find comfortable accommoda- tions, both sitting and standing-room being taken into account, and at the same time have the floor properly free for dancing. The more guests you have the more brilliant, and the fewer you have the more enjoyable, will the occasion be. Any number over a hundred guests constitutes ^ /large ball:" under fifty it is merely a "dance." DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. 117 CHOICE OF GUESTS. As dancing is the amusement of the evening, due regard should be paid to the dancing qualifications of the proposed guests. ISSUING INVITATIONS. The invitations issued and accepted for an even- ing party will be written in the same style as those already desciibed for a dinner-party. They should be sent out at least from seven to ten days before the day fixed for the event, and should be replied to within a week of their receipt, accepting or declining with regrets. By attending to these courtesies, the guests will have time to consider their engagements and prepare their dresses, and the hostess will also know what will be the number of her party. PREJUDICES AGAINST DANCING. One should be scrupulous and not wound the prej- udices of a friend by sending her an invitation to a ball when it is well known she is conscientiously opposed to dancing. NOTES OP INTERROGATION. No one now sends a note of interrogation to a dance; cards are universally employed. The form of an invitation to a tea-party .differs from that to a dance, in respect that the one specifies that you are invited to tea, the other <jpes not, but merely requests 118 DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. the pleasure of your company on such an evening, and perhaps names the hour. VARIETY OF TOILET. Vary your toilet as much as possible, for fear that idlers and malignant wits, who are always a ma- jority in the world, should amuse themselves by making your dress the description of your person. CHOICE OF ATTIRE. Certain fashionables seek to gain a kind of reputa- tion by the odd choice of their attire, and by their eagerness to seize upon the first caprices of the fash- ions. Propriety with difficulty tolerates these fancies of a spoiled child; but it applauds a woman of sense and taste, who is not in a hurry to follow the fash- ions, and asks how long they will last, before adopt- ing them ; finally, who selects and modifies them with success according to her size and figure. EVENING PARTY. If it is to be a simple evening party, in which we may wear a summer walking-dress, the mistress of the house gives verbal invitations, and does not omit to apprise her friends of this circumstance, or they might appear in unsuitable dresses. If, on the contrary the soiree is to be in reality a ball, the in- vitations are written, or what is better, printed and expressed in the third person. DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLk. 119 THE CLOAK ROOM. A room appropriate for the purpose, and furnish- ed with cloak-pins to hang up the shawls and other dresses of the ladies, is almost indispensable. Do- mestics should be there also, to aid them in taking off and putting on their outside garments. WHEN TO ARRIVE. We are not obliged to go exactly at the appointed jour; it is even fashionable to go an hour later. Married ladies are accompanied by their husbands : unmarried ones, by their mother, or by an escort. REFUSING TO DANCE. A lady cannot refuse the invitation of a gentleman to dance, unless she has already accepted that of another, for she would be guilty of an incivility which might occasion trouble; she would, more- over, seem to show contempt for him whom she refused, and would expose herself to receive in secret an ill compliment from the mistress of the house. GIVING A REASON FOR NOT DANCING. When a young lady declines dancing with a gentle- man, it is her duty to give him a reason why, al- though some thoughtless ones do not. No matter how frivolous it may be, it is simply an act of cour- tesy to offer him an excuse; while, on the other hand, no gentleman ought so far to compromise big 120 DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. self-respect as to take the slightest offense at seeing a lady by whom he has just been refused, dance im- mediately after with some one else. How TO ASK A LADY TO DANCE. In inviting a lady to dance with you, the words, " Will you honor me with your hand for a quadrille? * or, "Shall I have the honor of dancing this set with you?" are more used now than "Shall I have the pleasure?" or, "Will you give me the pleasure of dancing with you. LEAVING A BALL ROOM. Married or young ladies, cannot leave a ball- room, or any other party, alone. The former should be accompanied by one or two other married ladies, and the latter by their mother, or by a lady to represent her. TALKING TOO MUCH. Ladies should avoid talking too much ; it will oc- casion remarks. It has also a bad appearance to whisper continually in the ear of your partner. WALL FLOWERS. The master of the house should see that all the ladies dance; he should take notice, particularly of those who seem to serve as drapery to the walls of the ball-room, (or wall-flowers, as the familiar expres- sion is,) and should see that they are invited to dance. DINNEJR-PARTIES AND BALLS. 121 But he must do this wholly unperceived, in order not to wound the self-esteem of the unfortunate la- dies. DUTIES OF GENTLEMEN. Gentlemen whom the master of the house requests to dance with these ladies, should be ready to accede to his wish, and even appear pleased at dancing with a person thus recommended to their notice. DUTIES OF LADIES. Ladies who dance much, should he very careful not to boast before those who dance but little or not at all, of the great number of dances for which they are engaged in advance. They should also, without being perceived, recommend to these less fortunate ladies, gentlemen of their acquaintance. WHILE DANCING. In giving the hand for ladies chain or any other figures, those dancing should wear a smile, and ac- company it with a polite inclination of the head, in the manner of a salutation. At the end of the dance, the gentleman reconducts the lady to her place, bows and thanks her for the honor which she has confer- red. She also bows in silence, smiling with a grar cious air. RESERVE AND POLITENESS. In these assemblies, we should conduct onrselyee 122 DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. with reserve and politeness towards all present, al- though they may be unknown to us. WHEN NOT TO DANCE. Never hazard taking part in a quadrille, unless you know how to dance tolerably; for if you are a novice, or but little skilled, you would bring disor- der into the midst of pleasure. Being once engaged to take part in a dance, if the figures are not famil- iar, be careful not to advance first. You can in this way govern your steps by those who go before you. Beware, also, of taking your place in a set of dan- cers more skillful than yourself. When an unprac- ticed dancer makes a mistake, we may apprize him of his error; but it would be very impolite to have the air of giving him a lesson. GRACE AND MODESTY. Dance with grace and modesty, neither affect to make a parade of your knowledge; refrain from great leaps and ridiculous jumps, which would at- tract the attention of all towards you. PRIVATE PARTY. In a private ball or party, it is proper for a lady to show still more reserve, and not manifest more preference for one gentleman than another; she shoulcj dance with all who ask properly. DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. 123 PUBLIC BALLS. In public balls, a gentleman offers his partner re- freshments, but which she very seldom accepts, un- less she is well acquainted with him. But in pri- vate parties, the persons who receive the company, send round cake and other refreshments, of which every one helps themselves. Near the end of the evening, in a well regulated ball, it is customary to have a supper; but in a soiree, without great prep- aration, we may dispense with a supper; refresh- ments are, however, necessary, and not to have them would be the greatest impoliteness. VISIT OP THANKS. We should retire incognito, in order not to disturb the master and mistress of the house; and we should make them, during the week, a visit of thanks, at which we may converse of the pleasure of the ball and the good selection of the company. DEPORTMENT IN PUBLIC PLACES. The proprieties in deportment, which concerts re- quire, are little different from those which are re- cognized in every other assembly, or in public exhi- bitions, for concerts partake of the one and the oth- er, according as they are public or private. In pri- fate concerts, the ladies occupy the front seats, and the gentlemen are generally in groups behind, or at the side of them. We should observe the most pro- 124 DINNERPARTIES AND BALLS. found silence, jid refrain from beating time, hum- ming the airs, applauding, or making ridiculous gestures of admiration. It often happens that a dancing soiree succeeds a concert, and billets of in- vitation, distributed two or three days before hand should give notice of it to the persons invited. GENEKAL KULES FOR A BALL-ROOM. A. lady will not cross a ball-room unattended. A gentleman will not take a vacant seat next a lady who is a stranger to him. If she is an acquaint- ance, he may do so with her permission. White kid gloves should be worn at a ball, and only be taken off at supper-time. In dancing quadrilles do not make any attempt to take steps. A quiet walk is all that is required. When a gentleman escorts a lady home from a ball, she should not invite him to enter the house ; and even if she does so, he should by all means de- cline the invitation. He should call upon her during the next day or evening. As the guests enter the room, it is not necessary for the lady of the house to advance each time to- ward the door, but merely to rise from her seat to receive their courtesies and congratulations. If, in- deed, the hostess wishes to show particular favor to some peculiarly honored guests, she may introduce them to others, whose acquaintance she may imag- ine will be especially suitable and agreeable. When entering a private ball or party, the visitor DINNER-PARTIES AND BALL8. 125 should invariably bow to the company. No well- bred person would omit this courtesy in entering a drawing-room; although the entrance to a large as sembly may be unnoticed. Any presentation to a lady in a public ball-room, for the mere purpose of dancing, does not entitle you to claim her acquaintance afterwards; there- fore, should you meet her, at most you may lift your hat; but even that is better avoided unless, indeed, she first bow as neither she nor her friends can know who or what you are. Never wait until the signal is given to take a part- ner, for nothing is more impolite than to invite a la- dy hastily, and when the dancers are already in their places; it can be allowed only when the set is incomplete. In private parties, a lady is not to refuse the invi- tation of a gentleman to dance, unless she be pre- viously engaged. The hostess must be supposed to have asked to her house only those persons whom she knows to be perfectly respectable and of unblem- ished character, as well as pretty equal in position; and thus, to decline the offer of any gentleman pres- ent, would be a tacit reflection on the gentleman or lady of the house. CONCLUSION. There is a custom which is sometimes practiced both in the assembly room and at private parties, which cannot be too strongly reprehended; we allude 126 DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. to the habit of ridicule and ungenerous criticism of those who are ungraceful or otherwise obnoxious to censure, which is indulged in by the thoughtless, particularly among the dancers. Of its gross im- propriety and vulgarity we need hardly express an opinion; but there is such an utter disregard for the feelings of others implied in this kind of negative censorship, that we cannot forbear to warn our young readers to avoid it. The "Koran" says: "Do not mock the mocked may be better than the mocker." Those you condemn may not have had the same ad- vantages as yourself in acquiring grace or dignity, while they may be infinitely superior in purity of heart and mental accomplishments. The advice of Chesterfield to his son, in his commerce with society, to do as you would be done by, is founded on the Christian precept, and worthy of commendation. Imagine yourself the victim of another's ridicule, and you will cease to indulge in a pastime which on- ly gains for you the hatred of those you satirize, if they chance to observe you, and the contempt of others who have noticed your violation of politeness, and abuse of true sociality. STREET ETIQUETTE. CHAPTER 9. EETING a lady on the street, it is not customary in Eng- land for a gentleman to recognize or speak to her un- less she first smiles or bows. But on the continent of Europe the rule is reversed, and no lady, however inti- mate you may be with her, will acknowledge you in the street unless you first honor her with a bow of recogni- tion. The American fash- ion is not like either of them. For here the really well-bred man always politely and respectfully bows to every lady lie knows, and, if she is a well-bred woman, she acknowledges the respect paid her. If she expects no further acquaintance, her bow is a mere formal, but always respectful, recognition of the good manners which have been shown her, and no gentleman ever takes advantage of such politeness to push a further acquaintance uninvited. But why should a lady and gentleman, who know each other, scornfully and doggedly pass each other in the streets as though they were enemies? There is no good reason for such impoliteness, in the prac- 127 128 STREET JETIQ UETTE. tice of politeness. As compared with the English, the French or continental fashion is certainly more consonant with the rules of good breeding. But the American rule is better than either, for it is based upon the acknowledged general principle, that it is every gentleman's and lady's duty to be polite in all places. Unless parties have done something to for- feit the respect dictated by the common rules of po- liteness, there should be no deviation from this prac- tice. It is a ridiculous idea that we are to practice ill-manners in the name of etiquette. FRIENDS ON THE STREET. While walking the street no one should be so ab- sent-minded as to neglect to recognize his friends. If you do not stop, you should always bow, touch your hat, or bid your friend good day. If you stop, you can offer your hand without removing your glove. If you stop to talk, retire on one side of the walk. If your friend has a stranger with him and you have anything to say, you should apologize to the stran- ger. Never leave your friend abruptly to see anoth- er person without asking him to excuse your depart- ure. If you meet a gentleman of your acquaintance walking with a lady whom you do not know, lift your hat as you salute them. If you know the lady you should salute her first. Never fail to raise your hat politely to a lady ac- quaintance; nor to a male friend who may be walk- ing with a lady it is a courtesy to the lady. STREET ETIQUETTE. STREET ETIQUETTE. 129 OMITTING TO RECOGNIZE ACQUAINTANCES. A gentleman should never omit a punctilious ob- servance of the rules of politeness to his recognized acquaintances, from an apprehension that he will not be met with reciprocal marks of respect. For instance, he should not refuse to raise his hat to an acquaintance who is accompanied by a lady, lest her escort should, from ignorance or stolidity, return his polite salutation with a nod of the head. It is bet- ter not to see him, than to set the example of a rude and indecorous salutation. In all such cases, and in all cases, he who is most courteous has the advan- tage, and should never feel that he has made a hu- miliating sacrifice of his personal dignity. It is for the party whose behavior has been boorish to have a consciousness of inferiority. SHAKING HANDS WITH A LADY. Never offer to shake hands with a lady in the street if you have on dark gloves, as you may soil her white ones. If you meet a lady friend with whom you wish to converse, you must not stop, but turn and walk along with her; and should she be walking with a gentleman, first assure yourself that you are not intruding before you attempt to join th two in their walk. YOUNG LADIES CONDUCT ON THE STREET. After twilight, a young lady would not be conduct- ing herself in a becoming manner, by walking alone; ISO STREET ETIQ, UETTE. and if she passes the evening with any one, she ought, beforehand, to provide some one to come for her at a stated hour ; but if this is not practicable, she should politely ask of the person whom she is vis- iting, to permit a servant to accompany her. But, however much this may be considered proper, and consequently an obligation, a married lady, well ed- ucated, will disregard it if circumstances prevent her being able, without trouble, to find a conduc- tor. ACCOMPANYING VISITORS. If the host wishes to accompany you himself, you must excuse yourself politely for giving him so much trouble but finish, however, by accepting. On arriv- ing at your house, you should offer him your thanks. In order to avoid these two inconveniences, it will be well to request your husband, or some one of your relatives, to come and wait upon you; you will, in this way, avoid all inconveniences, and be entirely free from that harsh criticism which is sometimes indulged in, especially in small towns, concerning even the most innocent acts. FULFILLING AN ENGAGEMENT. If, when on your way to fulfill an engagement, a friend stops you in the street, you may, without committing any breach of etiquette, tell him of your appointment, and release yourself from a long talk, STREET ETiq UETTE. 131 but do so in a courteous manner, expressing regret for the necessity. CONDUCT WHILE SHOPPING. In inquiring for goods at a store, do not say, I want so and so, but say to the clerk show me such or such an article, if you please or use some other polite form of address. If you are obliged to exam- ine a number of articles before you are suited, apol- ogize to him for the trouble you give him. If, after all, you cannot suit yourself, renew your apologies when you go away, If you make only small pur- chases, say to him I am sorry for having troubled you for so trifling a thing. TAKING OFF YOUR GLOVE. You need not stop to pull off your glove to shake hands with a lady or gentleman. If it is warm weather it is more agreeable to both parties that the glove should be on especially if it is a lady with whom you shake hands, as the perspiration of your bare hand would be very likely to soil her glove. ASKING INFORMATION. If a lady addresses an inquiry to a gentleman on the street, he will lift his hat, or at least touch it re- spectfully, as he replies. If he cannot give the in* formation required, he will express his regrets. 132 STREET JETIQ UETTE. CROSSING A MUDDY STREET. When tripping over the pavement, a lady should gracefully raise her dress a little above her ankle. With her right hand she should hold together the folds of her gown and draw them toward the right side. To raise the dress on both sides, and with both hands, is vulgar. This ungraceful practice can be tolerated only for a moment when the mud is very deep. EXPENSIVE DRESSES IN THE STREET. Most American ladies in our cities wear too rich and expensive dresses in the street. Some, indeed, will sweep the side-walks with costly stuffs only fit for a drawing-room or a carriage. This is in bad taste ; and is what ill-natured people would term snob- bish. CARRIAGE OF A LADY IN PUBLIC. A lady walks quietly through the streets, seeing and hearing nothing that she ought not to see and hear, recognizing acquaintances with a courteous bow and friends with words of greeting. She is al- ways unobtrusive. She never talks loudly or laughs boisterously, or does anything to attract the atten- tion of the passers by. She simply goes about her business in her own quiet, lady-like way, and by her preoccupation is secure from all the annoyance to which a person of less perfect breeding might be subjected. STREET ETiq UETTE. 133 FORMING ACQUAINTANCES IN PUBLIC. A lady, be she young or old, never forms an ac- quaintance upon the streets or seeks to attract the attention or admiration of persons of the other sex. To do so would render false her claims to ladyhood? if it did not make her liable to far graver charges. DEMANDING ATTENTIONS. A lady never demands attentions and favors from a gentleman, but always accepts them gratefully and graciously and with expressed thanks. MEETING A LADY ACQUAINTANCE. A gentleman meeting a lady acquaintance on the street, should not presume to join her in her walk without ascertaining that his company would be en- tirely agreeable. It might be otherwise, and she should frankly say so. A married lady usually leans upon the arm of her husband; but single ladies do not, in the day, take the arm of a gentleman, unless they are willing to acknowledge an engagement. Gentlemen always give place to ladies, and gentle- men accompanying ladies, in crossing the street. STOPPING A LADY ON THE STREET. If you have anything to say to a lady whom you may happen to meet in the street, however intimate you may be, do not stop her, but turn round and walk in company; you can taks leave at the end of the street. 134 STREET ETIQ UETTE. PASSING ACQUAINTANCES. When you are passing in the street, and see com- ing toward you a person of your acquaintance wheth- er a lady or an elderly person, you should offer them the wall, that is to say, the side next the houses. If a carriage should happen to stop in such a manner as to leave only a narrow passage between it and the houses, beware of elbowing and rudely crowding the passengers, with a view to get by more expeditioue- ly; wait your turn, and if any of the persons before mentioned come up, you should edge up to the wall in order to give them the place. They also, as they pass, should bow politely to you. CROWDING BEFORE ANOTHER. If stormy weather has made it necessary to lay a plank across the gutters, which has become suddenly filled with water, it is not proper to crowd before another, in order to pass over the frail bridge. GIVING THE ARM. In walking with a lady, it is customary to give her the right arm; but where circumstances render it more convenient to give her the left, it may prop- erly be done. If you are walking with a lady on a crowded street, like State or Madison, by all means give her the outside, as that will prevent her from being perpetually jostled and run against by the hur- rying crowd. STREET ETiq UETTE. 135 WHEN TO OFFER YOUR ARM. You should offer your arm to a lady with whom you are walking whenever her safety, comfort, or convenience may seem to require such attention on your part. At night your arm should always be ten- dered, and also when ascending the steps of a pub- lic building. In walking with any person you should keep step with military precision, and with ladies and elderly people you should always accom- modate your speed to theirs. RETURNING A SALUTE. If a lady with whom you are walking receives the salute of a person who is a stranger to you, you should return it, not for yourself, but for her. PASSING BEFORE A LADY. When a lady whom you accompany wishes to en- ter a store, you should hold the door open and al- low her to enter first, if practicable; for you must never pass before a lady anywhere, if you can avoid it, or without an apology CORNER LOAFERS. No gentleman will stand in the doors of hotels, nor on the corners of the street, gazing impertinent ly at the ladies as they pass. That is such an un- mistakable sign of a loafer, that one can hardly im- agine a well-bred man doing such a thing. 136 STREET ETIQ, UETTE. SHOUTING. Never speak to your acquaintances from one side of the street to the other. Shouting is a certain sign of vulgarity. First approach, and then make your communication to your acquaintance or friend in a moderately loud tone of voice. GENTLEMEN WALKING WITH A LADY. When two gentlemen are walking with a lady in the street, they should not be both upon the same side of her, but one of them should walk upon the outside and the other upon the inside. CROSSING THE STREET WITH A LADY. If you are walking with a woman who has your arm, and you cross the street, it is better not to dis- engage your arm, and go round upon the outside. Such effort evinces a palpable attention to form, and that is always to be avoided. GENERAL RULES. A lady should never take the arms of two men, one being upon either side; nor should a man carry a woman upon each arm. The latter of these in- iquities is practiced only in Ireland; the former perhaps in Kamtskatcha. There are, to be sure, some cases in which it is necessary for the protection of the women; that they should both take his arm, as in coming home from a concert, or in passing, on any occasion, through a crowd. STREET ETIQUETTE. 137 PASSING THROUGH A CROWD. In walking in the street with a woman, if at any place, by reason of the crowd, or from other cause you are compelled to proceed singly, you should al- ways precede your companion. In passing a lady in the street, wno is accompan- ied by a gentleman on the outside, there is the same reason for your taking the inside that there would be for you to walk on that side if you were with them. You should take that side, then, unless you would pay the gentleman, if he were alone, the com- pliment of giving him the wall. SALUTING A LADY. When you salute a lady or a gentleman to whom you wish to show particular respect, in the street, you should take your hat entirely off and cause it to de- scribe a circle of at least ninety degrees from its or- iginal resting place. ASCENDING A MOUNTAIN. If you are walking with a woman in the country, ascending a mountain or strolling by the bank of a river, and your companion being fatigued, should choose to sit upon the ground, on no account allow yourself to do the same, but remain rigorously stand- ing. To do otherwise would be flagrantly indecorous and she would probably resent it as the greatest in- sult. 138 STREET ETIQ UETTE. In mounting a pair of stairs in company with a woman, run up before her; in coming down, walk behind her. MEETING ON THE STREET. If, in walking, you meet a friend, accompanied by one whom you do not know, speak to both. Al- so, if you are walking with a friend who speaks to a friend whom you are not acquainted with, you should speak to the person ; and with as much respect and ease as if you knew the party. If you meet a man whom you have met frequently before, who knows your name, and whose name you know, it is polite to salute him. INTRUSIVE INQUIRIES ON MEETING. If you meet or join or are visited by a person who has a book or box, or any article whatever, under his arm or in his hand, and he does not offer to show it to you, you should not, even if he be your most in- timate friend, take it from him and look at it. There may be many reasons why he would not like you to see it, or be obliged to answer the inquiries or give the explanations connected with it. That intrusive curiosity is very inconsistent with the delicacy of a well-bred man, and always offends in some degree. SMOKING WHILE WALKING. In walking with a lady, never permit her to en- cumber herself with a book, parcel, or anything of STREET ETIQ, UETTE. 139 that kind, but always offer to carry it. As to smok- ing, it certainly is not gentlemanly to smoke while walking with ladies ; but modern notions on the to- bacco question are growing very lax, and when by the seaside or in the country, or in any but fashion- able quarters, if your fair companion does not ob- ject to a cigar, never a pipe, you will not comprom- ise yourself very much by smoking one. TAKING OFF YOUR HAT. If there is any man whom you wish to conciliate, you should make a point of taking off your hat to him as often as you meet him. People are always gratified by respect, and they generally conceive a good opinion of the understanding of one who ap- preciates their excellence so much as to respect it. Such is the irresistible effect of an habitual display of this kind of manner, that perseverance in it will often conquer enmity and obliterate contempt. RIDING AND DRIVING. CHAPTER 10. |N these days of fast locomotion, etc., the very delightful rec- reation and exercise of riding on horseback is partaken of too little. This is to be regretted for nothing is bet- ter calculated to develop the physical health and animal spirits, nothing is more con- ducive to pleasure of a rational character than the ride on horseback upon every pleasant day. ETIQUETTE OP RIDING. The etiquette of riding is very exact and import- ant. Remember that your left when in the saddle is called the near side, and your right the off side, and that you always mount on the near side. In do- ing this put your left foot in the stirrup, your left hand on the saddle, then, as you take a spring, throw your right leg over the animal's back. Re- member, also, that the rule of the road, both in riding and driving, is, that you keep to the left, or near side in meeting ; and to the right, or off side in passing. 140 RIDING AND DRIVING. 141 RIDING IN PUBLIC. Never appear in public on horseback unless you have mastered the inelegancies attending a first ap- pearance in the saddle. A novice makes an exhibi- tion of himself, and brings ridicule on his friends. Having got a "seat" by a little practice, bear in mind the advice conveyed in the old rhyme "Keep up your head and your heart," Your hands and your heels keep down, Press your knees close to your horse's sides, And your elbows close tojrour own." This may be called the whole art of riding, in one lesson. BIDING WITH LADIES. In riding with ladies, recollect that it is your duty to see them in their saddles before you mount. And the assistance they require must not be rendered by a groom; you must assist them yourself. ASSISTING A LADY TO MOUNT. The lady will place herself on the near side of the horse, her skirt gathered up in her left hand, her right hand on the pommel, keeping her face towards the horse's head. You stand at his shoulder, facing her, and stooping hold your hand so that she may place her left foot in it; then lift it as she springs, BO as to aid her, but not to give such an impetus that, like "vaulting ambition," she looses hei balance 142 RIDING AND DRIVING. and "falls o' the other side." Next, put her foot in the stirrup, and smooth the skirt of her habit. Then you are at liberty to mount yourself. PACE IN RIDING. The lady must always decide upon the pace. It is ungenerous to urge her or incite her horse to a faster gait than she feels competent to undertake. Keep to the right of the lady or ladies riding with you. Open all gates and pay all tolls on the road. MEETING FRIENDS ON HORSEBACK. If you meet friends on horseback do not turn back with them; if you overtake them do not thrust your company on them unless you feel assured that it is agreeable to them for you to do so. MEETING A LADY. If, when riding out, you meet a lady with whom you are acquainted, you may bow and ride on; but you cannot with propriety carry on a conversation with her while you retain your seat on horseback. If very anxious to talk to her, it will be your duty to alight, and to lead your horse. ASSISTING A LADY TO ALIGHT FROM A HORSE After the ride the gentleman must assist his com- panion to alight. She must first freejier knee from the pommel and be certain that her habit is entirely RIDING AND DRIVING. 143 disengaged. He must then take her left hand in his right and offer his left hand as a step for her foot. He must lower this hand gently and allow her to reach the ground quietly without springing. A lady should not attempt to spring from the saddle. ENTERING A CARRIAGE. If you enter a carriage with a lady, let her first take her place on the seat facing the horses ; then sit opposite, and on no account beside her, unless you are her husband or other near relative. Enter a carriage so that your back is towards the seat you are to occupy; you will thus avoid turning round in the carriage, which is awkward. Take care that you do not trample on the ladies' dresses, or shut them in as you close the door. ALIGHTING FROM A CARRIAGE. The rule in all cases is this: You quit the car- riage first and hand the lady out. It is quite an art to decend from a carriage prop- erly. More attention is paid to this matter in Eng- land than in America. We are told an anecdote by M. Mercy d'Argenteau illustrative of the importance of this. He says: "The princess of Hesse-Darm- stadt, having been desired by the empress of Austria to bring her three daughters to court in order that Her Imperial Majesty might choose one of them for a wife to one of her sons, drove up in her coach to the palace gate. Scarcely had they entered her pres- 144 RIDING AND DRIVING ence when, before even speaking to them, the em- press went up to the second daughter, and taking her by the hand said, "'I choose this young lady/ "The mother, astonished at the suddenness of her choice, inquired what had actuated her. "'I watched the young ladies get out of their car- riage/ said the empress. 'Your eldest daughter stepped on her dress, and only saved herself from falling by an awkward scramble. The youngest jumped from the coach to the ground without touch- ing the steps. The second, just lifting her dress in front as she decended, so as to show the point of her shoe, calmly stepped from the carriage to the ground neither hurriedly nor stiffly, but with grace and dig- nity. She is fit to be an empress. The eldest sist- er is too awkward, the youngest too wild. If you are driving in company with another who holds the reins, you should most carefully abstain from even the slightest interference, by word or act, with the province of the driver. Any comment, ad- vice, or gesture of control, implies a reproof which is very offensive. If there be any point of immi- nent danger, where you think his conduct wrong, you may suggest a change, but it must be done with great delicacy and must be prefaced by an apology. During the ordinary course of the drive, you should resign yourself wholly to his control, and be entire- ly passive. RIDING AND DRIVING 145 If you do not approve of his manner, or have not confidence in his skill, you need not drive with him again; but while you are with him, you should yield implicitly. ASSISTING A LADY INTO A CARRIAGE. A gentleman in assisting a lady into a carriage will take care that the skirt of her dress is not al lowed to hang outside. It is best to have a car- riage-robe to protect it entirely from the mud or dust of the road. He should provide her with her parasol, fan and shawl before he seats himself, and make certain that she is in every way comfortable. If a lady has occasion to leave the carriage before the gentleman accompanying her, he must alight to assist her out ; and if she wishes to resume her seat in the carriage, he must again alight to help her to do so. TRAVELERS AND TRAVELING. CHAPTER 11. EHAVIOR while traveling is a cer- tain indication of a person's breed- ing. Travelers seldom pay little attention either to the comforts or distresses of their fellow travelers ; and the commonest observances of politeness are often sadly neglected by them. In the scramble for tickets, for seats, for state-rooms, or for places at a public table, the courtesies of life seem to be trampled under foot. Even the ladies are sometimes rudely treated and shamefully neglected in the headlong rush for desirable seats in the railway cars. To see the behavior of American people on their travels, one would suppose that we were anything but a refined nation ; and I have often wondered whether a major- ity of our travelers could really make a decent appear- ance in social society. A LADY TRAVELING ALONE. A lady accustomed to traveling, if she pays proper attention to the rules of etiquette, may travel 146 TRA VELING. 147 alone anywhere in the United States with perfect safety and propriety. But there are many ladies to whom all the ways of travel are unknown, and to such, an escort is very acceptable. When a gentleman has a lady put in his charge for a journey, he should he at the depot in ample time to procure her ticket and see that her baggage is properly checked. ON ARRIVAL OF THE TRAIN. On the arrival of the train, he should attend her to the car and secure the best possible seat for her. He should give her the choice of taking the outside or window seat, should stow away her packages in the proper receptacle, and then do all he can to make her journey a pleasant one. ARRIVING AT DESTINATION. Arrived at their destination, he should see her safely in a car or carriage, or at least conduct her to the ladies' room of the station, before he goes to see about the baggage. He should attend her to the door or deliver her into the charge of friends before he relaxes his care. He should call upon her the following day to see how she has withstood the fa- tigues of her journey. It is optional with her at this time whether she will receive him, and thus prolong the acquaintance, or not. However it is scarcely supposed that a lady of really good breed- ing would refuse further recognition to one from 148 TRAVELING. whom she had accepted such services. If the gen- tleman is really unworthy of her regard, it would have been in better taste to have recognized the fact at first by declining his escort. RUSHING FOR TICKET OFFICE. When you are traveling, it is no excuse that be- cause others outrage decency and propriety you should follow their example, and fight them with their own weapons. A rush and scramble at the railway ticket office is always unnecessary. The cars will not leave until every passenger is aboard, and if you have ladies with you, you can easily se- cure your seats and afterward procure the tickets at leisure. But suppose you do lose a favorite seat by your moderation ! Is it not better to suffer a little inconvenience than to show yourself decidedly vul- gar ? Go to the cars half an hour before they start, and you will avoid all trouble of this kind. PERSONAL COMFORT. When seated, or about to seat yourself in the cars never allow considerations of personal comfort or convenience to cause you to disregard the rights of fellow-travelers, or forget the respectful courtesy due to woman. The pleasantest or most comfortable Beats belong to the ladies, and you should never re- fuse to resign such seats to them with a cheerful po- liteness. Sometimes a gentleman will go through a car and choose his seat, and afterward vacate it to TRA VELING. 149 procure his ticket, leaving his overcoat or carpet bag to show that the seat is taken. Always respect this token, and never seize upon a seat thus secured, without leave, even though you may want it for a lady. A LADY TRAVELING. A lady, in traveling alone, may accept services from her fellow-travelers, which she should always acknowledge graciously. Indeed, it is the business of a gentleman to see that the wants of an unescort- ed lady are attended to. He should offer to raise or lower her window if she seems to have any difficul- ty in doing it for herself. He may offer his assist- ance in carrying her packages upon leaving the car, or in engaging a carriage or obtaining a trunk. Still, women should learn to be as self-reliant as pos- sible; and young women particularly should accept proffered assistance from strangers, in all but the slightest offices, very rarely. RUSHING FOR THE TABLE. In steamers do not make a rush for the supper table, or make a glutton of yourself when you get there. Never fail to offer your seat on deck to a la- dy, if the seats all appear to be occupied, and al- ways meet half way any fellow-passenger who wish- es to enter into conversation with you. Some trav- elers are so exclusive that they consider it a pre- sumption on the part of a stranger to address them; 150 TRAVELING. but such people are generally foolish, and of no ac- count. SOCIAL INTERCOURSE WHILE TRAVELING. Sociable intercourse while traveling is one of its main attractions. Who would care about sitting and moping for a dozen of hours on board a steamer without exchanging a word with anybody? and this must be the fate of the exclusives when they travel alone. Even ladies who run greater risks in form- ing steamboat acquaintances than the men, are al- lowed the greatest privileges in that respect. It might not be exactly correct for a lady to make a speaking acquaintance of a gentleman; but she may address or question him for the time being without impropriety. OCCUPYING TOO MANY SEATS. No lady of genuine breeding will retain posses- sion of more than her rightful seat in a crowded car. When others are looking for accommodations, she should at once and with all cheerfulness so dis- pose of her baggage that the seat beside her will be at liberty for any one who desires it, no mat- ter how agreeable it might be to retain possession of it. There is no truer sign of want of proper manners than to see two ladies turn over the seat in front of them and fill it with their wraps and bundles, re- taining it in spite of the entreating or remonstrating TEA VELINO. 151 looks of fellow-passengers. In snch a case as this any person who needs a seat is justified in reversing the back, removing the baggage and taking posses- sion of the unused place. RETAINING A SEAT. A gentleman in traveling may take possession of a seat and then go to purchase tickets or look after baggage, leaving the seat in charge of a companion or depositing traveling-bag or overcoat upon it to show that it is engaged. A gentleman cannot, how- ever, in justice, vacate his seat to take another in the smoking-car and at the same time reserve his rights to the first seat. He pays for but one seat, and by taking another he forfeits the first. It is not required of a gentleman in a railway car to relinquish his seat in favor of a lady, though a gentleman of genuine breeding will do so rather than allow the lady to stand or to suffer inconven- ience from poor accommodations. ETIQUETTE OF STREET CARS. In the street cars the case is different. No wom- an should be permitted to stand while there is a seat occupied by a man. The inconvenience to the man will be temporary and trifling at the most, and he can well afford to suffer it rather than do an un- courteous act. ETIQUETTE OF FERRY-BOATS. There is a place where the good manners of mea 152 TRA VELING. seem sometimes to forsake them in the ladies' sa- loon of ferry-boats. The men reign paramount in their own saloon. No woman dares intrude there, still less deprive its rightful occupants of their seats. Yet many men, without even the excuse of being es- corts of women, prefering the purer natural and moral atmosphere of the ladies' saloon, take posses* sion and seat themselves, notwithstanding, women have to stand in consequence. This is not a matter of politeness alone; it is one of simple justice. The ladies' saloon is for the accommodation of ladies, and no gentleman has the right to occupy a seat so long as a lady is unprovided. CHECKING FAMILIARITY. It is impossible to dwell too strongly upon the importance of reserve and discretion on the part of ladies traveling alone. They may, as has been al- ready said, accept slight services courteously proffered by strangers, but any attempt at familiarity must be checked, and this with all the less hesitation that no gentleman will be guilty of such familiarity; and a lady wants only gentlemen for her acquaintances. Once, when traveling from Chicago to Toledo, there were upon the same train with ourselves a young lady and gentleman who were soon the ob- served of all observers. He was a commercial traveler of some sort, and she probably just from boarding-school. They were total strangers to each other as they both entered the car at Chicago. The TRA VELING. 153 acquaintance begun soon after starting. By the time La Porte was reached he had taken his seat beside her. At Elkhart the personal history of each was known to the other. The gentleman here invited the lady to supper and paid her bill. Shortly after- ward photographs were exchanged, they had written confidentially in each other's note-books, and had promised to correspond. All this passed between them in tonea so loud and with actions so obtrusive that they attracted the notice of every one in the car, and many were the comments upon them. As daylight waned she sunk upon his shoulder to sleep while he threw his arm around her to support her. If they had announced their engagement and in- quired for a clergyman upon the train to marry them upon their arrival at Toledo, no one would have been really surprised. She was a foolish girl, yet old enough to have known better. He must have been a villain thus to take advantage of her silliness. Still, if the journey is long, and especially if it be by steamboat, a certain sociability is in order, and a married lady or lady of middle age should make good use of her privileges in this respect. DUTY OP LADIES TO OTHER LADIES IN TRAVELING. It is especially the duty of ladies to look after other ladies younger or less experienced than them- selves who may be traveling without escort, To watch these and see that they are not made the 154 TRAVELING. dupes of villains, and to pass a pleasant word with others who may possibly feel the loneliness of their situation, should be the especial charge of every lady of experience. Such a one may often have the privilege of rendering another lady an important service in giving her information or advice, or even assistance. Every lady of experience and self-pos- session should feel her duties to be only less than those of a gentleman in showing favors to the more helpless and less experienced of her own sex. The friendship which has subsisted between trav- elers terminates with the journey. When you get out, a word, a bow, and the acquaintance formed is finished and forgotten. CONSULTING THE COMFORT OF OTHERS. In the cars you have no right to keep a window open for your accommodation, if the current of air thus produced annoys or endangers the health of another. There are a sufficient number of discom- forts in traveling, at best, and it should be the aim of each passenger to lessen them as much as possi- ble, and to cheerfully bear his own part. Life is a journey, and we are all fellow-travelers. ATTENDING TO THE WANTS OF OTHERS. See everywhere and at all times that ladies and elderly people have their wants supplied before you think of your own. Nor is there need for unmanly haste and pushing in entering or leaving cars or TRA VELING. 155 boats. There is always time enough allowed for each passenger to enter in a gentlemanly manner and with a due regard to the rights of others. If, in riding in the street cars or crossing a ferry, your friend insists upon paying for you, permit him to do so without serious remonstrance. You can return the favor at some other time. SELFISHNESS OF LADIES. Ladies in traveling should scrupulously avoid monopolizing, to the exclusion of others, whatever conveniences are provided for their use. Mr. Pull- man, the inventor of the palace car, was asked why there were not locks or bolts upon the ladies 7 dress- ing-rooms. He replied that "if these were furnish- ed, but two or three ladies in a sleeping car would be able to avail themselves of the conveniences, for these would lock themselves in and perform their toiletts at their leisure. This sounds like satire upon our American ladies, but we fear it is true. ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES. CHAPTER 12. HE perfect lady and gentleman are always polite in public places, considerate of the com- fort and wishes of others, and unobtrusive in their behavior. Under the same circumstances sham gentility is boisterous, rude, vulgar and selfish. CHURCH ETIQUETTE. One should preserve the ut- most silence and decorum in church. There should be no haste in passing up or down the aisle. A gentleman should remove his hat as soon as he enters. A gentleman and lady should pass up the aisle together until the pew is reached, when the former should step before the latter, open the pew door, holding it open while she enters, then follow her and close the door after him. There should be no whispering, laughing or star- ing. 156 ETiq UETTE OF P UBLIC PL A CES. 157 If a stranger is seen to enter the church and the sexton does not at once provide him with a seat, the pew door should be opened and the stranger silently invited to enter. It is courteous to see that strangers are provided with books; and if the service is strange to them, the places for the day's reading should be indi- cated. It is perfectly proper to offer to share the prayer or hymn book with a stranger if there is no sepa- rate book for his use. If books or fans are passed in church, let them be offered and accepted or refused with a silent gesture of acceptance or refusal. Upon entering a strange church it is best to wait until the sexton conducts you to a seat. By no means enter an occupied pew uninvited. In visiting a church of a different belief from your own, pay the utmost respect to the services and conform in all things to the observances of the church that is, kneel, sit and rise with the congre- gation. No matter how grotesquely some of the forms and observances may strike you, let no smile or contemptuous remark indicate the fact while in the church. If a Protestant gentleman accompanies a lady who is a Roman Catholic to her own church, it is an act of courtesy to offer the holy water. This he must do with his ungloved right hand. When the services are concluded, there should be 158 JETIQ UETTE OF PUBLIC PLA CES. no haste in crowding up the aisle, but the departure should be conducted quietly and in order. When the vestibule is reached, it is allowable to exchange greetings with friends, but here there should be no loud talking nor boisterous laughter. Neither should gentlemen congregate in knots in the vestibule or upon the steps of the church and compel ladies to run the gauntlet of their eyes and tongues. Never be late to church. It is a decided mark of ill-breeding. In visiting a church for the mere purpose of see- ing the edifice, one should always go at a time when there are no services being held. If people are even then found at their devotions, as is apt to be the case in Roman Catholic churches especially, the demea- nor of the visitor should be respectful and subdu- ed and his voice low, so that he may not disturb them. VISITING AN ARTIST. Upon visiting an artist's studio, by no means med- dle with anything in the room. Reverse no picture which hangs or stands with face to the wall; open no portfolio without permission, and do not alter by a single touch any lay-figure or its drapery, piece of furniture or article of vertu posed as a model. You do not know with what care the artist may have arranged these things, nor what trouble the disarrangement may cost him. It is not proper to visit the studio of an artist ex- TIQ UETTE OF P UBLIC PL A CE8 159 ccpt by special invitation or permission and at an appointed time, for you cannot appreciate how much you may disturb him at his work. The hours of daylight are all golden to him; and steadiness of hand in manipulating a pencil is sometimes only ac- quired each day after hours of practice, and may be instantly lost on the irruption and consequent in- terruption of visitors. Use no strong expression of either delight or dis- approbation at anything presented for your inspec- tion. If a picture or a statue please you, show your approval and appreciation by close attention and a few quiet, well-chosen words, rather than by extrav- agant praise. Do not ask the artist his prices unless you really intend to become a purchaser; and in this case it is best to attentively observe his works, make your choice, and trust the negotiation to a third person or to a written correspondence with the artist after the visit is concluded. You may express your de- sire for the work and obtain the refusal of it from the artist. If you desire to conclude the bargain at once and ask his price, and he names a higher one than you desire to give, you may say as much and mention the sum you are willing to pay, when it will be optional with the artist to maintain his first price or accept your offer. Never take a young child to a studio, for it may do much mischief in spite of the most careful watch- ing. At any rate, the juvenile visitor will try the 160 ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES. artist's temper and nerves by keeping him in a state of constant apprehension. If you have engaged to sit for your portrait, nev- er keep the artist waiting one moment beyond the appointed time. If you do so, you should in justice pay for the time you make him lose. A visitor should never stand behind an artist and watch him at his work; for if he be a man of ner- vous temperament, it will be likely to disturb him greatly. CONDUCT IN PICTURE-GALLERIES. In visiting picture-galleries one should always maintain the deportment of a gentleman or lady. Make no loud comments, and do not seek to show superior knowledge in art matters by gratuitous crit- icism. Ten to one, if you have not an art education you will only be giving publicity to your own ig- norance. Do not stand in conversation before a picture, and thus obstruct the view of others who wish to see rather than talk. If you wish to converse with any one on general subjects, draw to one side out of the way of those who wish to look at the pictures. INVITATION TO OPERA OR CONCERT. A gentleman upon inviting a lady to accompany him to opera, theatre, concert or other public place of amusement must send his invitation the previous day and write it in the third person. The lady must ETIQ, UETTE OF PUBLIC PL A CE8. 161 reply immediately, so that if she declines there will yet be time for the gentleman to secure another com- panion. It is the gentleman's duty to secure good seats for the entertainment, or else he or his companion may be obliged to take up with seats where they can neither see nor hear. CONDUCT IN OPERA, THEATRE OR PUBLIC HALL. On entering the hall, theatre or opera-house the gentleman should walk side by side with his com- panion unless the aisle is too narrow, in which case he should precede her. Reaching the seats, he should allow her to take the inner one,assuming the outer one himself. A gentleman should on no account leave the lady's side from the beginning to the close of the perform- ance. If it is a promenade concert or opera, the lady may be invited to promenade during the intermis- sion. If she decline, the gentleman must retain his position by her side. The custom of going out alone between the acts to visit the refreshment-room cannot be too strongly reprehended. It is little less than an insult to the lady. There is no obligation whatever upon a gentleman to give up his seat to a lady. On the contrary, his duty is solely to the lady whom he accompanies. He must remain beside her during the evening to con- 162 ETiq UETTE OF PUBLIC PLA CE8. verse with her between the acts and to render hei assistance in case of accident or disturbance. It is proper and desirable that the actors be ap- plauded when they deserve it. It is their only means of knowing whether they are giving satisfac- tion. During the performance complete quiet should be preserved, that the audience may not be prevented seeing or hearing. Between the acts it is perfectly proper to converse, but it should be in a low tone, so as not to attract attention. Neither should one whisper. There should be no loud talking, boister- ous laughter, violent gestures, lover-like demonstra- tions or anything in manners or speech to attract the attention of others. The gentleman should see that the lady is pro- vided with programme, and with libretto also if they are attending opera. The gentleman should ask permission to call upon the lady on the following day, which permission she should^rant; and if she be a person of delicacy and tact, she will make him feel that he has conferred a real pleasure upon her by his invitation. Even if she finds occasion for criticism in the performance, she should be lenient in this respect and seek for points to praise instead, that he may not feel regret at taking her to an entertainment which has proved unworthy. If the means of the gentleman warrant him in so doing, he should call for his companion in a car- ETIQ, UETTE OF P UBLIC PL A CES 163 riage. This is especially necessary if the evening is stormy. He should call sufficiently early to allow them to reach their destination before the perform- ance commences. It is unjust to the whole audience to come in late and make a disturbance in obtain- ing seats. In passing out at the close of the performance the gentleman should precede the lady, and there should be no crowding and pushing. CHURCH OR FANCY FAIRS. In visiting a fancy fair make no comments on either the articles or their price unless you can praise. Do not haggle over them. Pay the price demanded or let them alone. If you can conscientiously praise an article, by all means do so, as you may be giving pleasure to the maker if she chances to be within hearing. Be guilty of no loud talking or laughing, and by all means avoid conspicuous flirting in so public a place. As, according to the general rules of politeness, a gentleman must always remove his hat in the pres- ence of ladies, so he should remain with head un- covered, carrying his hat in his hand, in a public place of this character. If you have a table at a fair, use no unlady like means to obtain buyers. Let a negative suffice. Not even the demands of charity can justify you in importuning others to purchase articles against their 164 ETIQ, UETTE OF PUBLIC PLA CES. own judgment or beyond their means to purchase. Never be so grossly ill-bred as to retain the change if a larger amount is presented than the price. Offer the change promptly, when the gentle- man will be at liberty to donate it if he thinks best, and you may accept it with thanks. He is, howev- er, under no obligation whatever to make such do- nation. PICNICS. In giving a picnic, the great thing to remember is to be sure and have enough to eat and drink. Al- ways provide for the largest possible number of guests that may by any chance come. Send out your invitations three weeks beforehand, in order that you may be enabled to fill up your list, if you have many refusals. Always transport your guests to the scene of ac- tion in covered carriages, or carriages that are ca- pable of being covered, in order that you may be provided against rain, which is proverbial on such occasions. Send a separate conveyance containing the provi- sions, in charge of two or three servants not too many, as half the fun is lost if the gentlemen do not officiate as amateur waiters. The above rules apply to picnics which are given by one person, and to which invitations are sent out just the same as to an ordinary ball or dinner party. But there are picnics and picnics as the French say. ij^-, : I OUTDOOR SPORTS. ETiq UETTE OF P UBLIC PL A CES 165 Let us treat of the picnic, in which a lot of people join together for the purpose of a day's ruralizing. In this case, it is usual for the ladies to contribute the viands. The gentlemen should provide and su- perintend all the arrangements for the conveyance of the guests to and from the scene of festivity. How TO DRESS. Great latitude in dress is allowed on these occa- sions. The ladies all come in morning dresses and hats; the gentlemen in light coats, wide-awake hats, caps, or straw hats. In fact, the morning dress of the seaside is quite de rigueur at a picnic. After din- ner it is usual to pass the time in singing, or if there happens to be an orchestra of any kind, in dancing. This is varied by games of all kinds, croquet, <fec. Frequently after this the company breaks up into little knots and coteries, each having its own centre of amusement. DUTIES OF GENTLEMEN. Each gentleman should endeavor to do his ut- most to be amusing on these occasions. If he has a musical instrument, and can play it, let him bring it for instance, a cornet, which is barely tolerated in a private drawing-room, is a great boon, when well played at a picnic. On these occasions a large bell or gong should be taken, in order to summon the guests when required; and the guests should be careful to attend to the call at once, for many a 106 ETiq UETTE OF P VELIO PL A CES. pleasant party of this kind has been spoiled by a few selfish people keeping out of the way when wanted. COMMITTEE OF ARRANGEMENTS. Finally, it would be well on these occasions to have each department vested in the hands of one respon- sible person, in order that when we begin dinner we should not find a heap of forks but no knives, beef, but no mustard, lobster and lettuces but no salad- dressing, veal-and-ham, pies but no bread, and near- ly fifty other such contretemps, which are sure to come about unless the matter is properly looked after and organized. BOATING. The reader may doubtless be surprised that we should treat of etiquette when speaking of boating, still there are little customs and usages of politeness to be observed even in the roughest sports in which a gentleman takes part. Never think of venturing out with ladies alone, unless you are perfectly conversant with the man- agement of a boat, and, above all, never overload your boat. There have been more accidents caused by the neglect of these two rules than can be im- agined. If two are going out with ladies, let one take his stand in the the boat and conduct the ladies to their seats, while one assists them to step from the bank. ETiq UETTE OF P UBLIC PL A CES. 167 Let the ladies be comfortably seated, and their dress- es arranged before starting. Be careful that you do not splash them, either on first putting the oar into the water or subsequently. If a friend is with you and going to row, always ask him which seat he prefers, and do not forget to ask him to row "stroke," which is always the seat of honor in the boat. ROWING. If you cannot row, do not scruple to say so, as then you can take your seat by the side of the ladies, and entertain them by your conversation, which is much better than spoiling your own pleasure and that of others by attempting what you know you cannot perform. The usual costume of gentlemen is white flannel trousers, white rowing jersey, and a straw hat. Pea- jackets are worn when their owners are not absolute- ly employed in rowing. LADIES ROWING. Of late years ladies have taken very much to rowing; this can be easily managed in a quiet river or private pond, but it is scarcely to be attempted in the more crowded and public parts of our rivers at any rate, unless superintended by gentlemen. In moderation, it is a capital exercise for ladies; but when they attempt it they should bear in mind that they should assume a dress proper for the oc. 168 ETiq UETTE OF PUBLIC PLA CES. casion. They should leave their crinoline at home, and wear a skirt barely touching the ground; they should also assume flannel Garibaldi shirts and little sailor hats add to these a good pair of stout boots, and the equipment is complete. We should observe however, that it is impossible for any lady to row with comfort or grace if she laces tightly. 1 LETTER WRITING. LETTERS AND LETTER WRITING. CHAPTER 13. DELIGHTFUL is the art of letter- writing and one not hard to be acquired. To write a good letter doubtless requires some experi- ence ; to write one which is marked by originality and beauty requires, in some degree, a peculiar talent. But almost any person of ordinary intelligence can learn how to express himself or herself in an accept- able manner upon paper. Good grammar, correct orthography, precise punc- tuation, will not make a clever communication, if the life and spirit of the expression are wanting ; and life and spirit will make a good impressive epistle, even if the rhetorical and grammatical proprieties are largely wanting. Some of the most charming letters we ever saw or read were from children, who while they tortured grammar, yet reproduced them- selves so completely as to make it appear that they really were chattering to us. It is comparatively easy to compose. The secret of it is hidden in no mystery it is simply to converse 169 170 LETTER WRITING. on paper, instead of by word of mouth. To illus- trate : if a person is before you, you narrate the in- cidents of a marriage, or a death, or of any circum- stance of interest. It is an easy and an agreeable thing to tell the story. Now, if the person were so deaf as not to be able to hear a word, what would you do ? Why, seize a pencil or pen and write out just what you would have told them by words. That very writing would be a delightful letter / It is this naturalness of expression and individuality of a letter which so delights the recipient. PENMANSHIP. It is not in the province of this chapter to teach people how to write. There are numerous systems of Penmanship, any one of which will enable one to acquire a round, full, even hand, so much admired by every one. People in general are very poor writers. "Why ? Because they never have taken the time nor exercised the patience to train their hands to write correctly. That we are a nation of poor writers is at- tributable more to carelessness (shall we say laziness ?) than to any other one thing. We get a general idea how to form letters and thea begin scribbling, and keep on scribbling all the rest of our lives. It is just as easy to train the hand to write well as poorly. One should simply remember the old adage "creep before you walk." In other words, learn correctly to form letters slowly. Practice writing slowly until the hand LETTER WRITING. 171 has become trained to writing properly, then with constant practice a fair degree, of speed may be ac- quired. But at the beginning, accuracy must never be sacrificed to speed. Every boy and every girl may and ought to learn to write well. The habit, like all good habits, should be formed in youth and when once formed is formed for life. The importance of its acquirement cannot be over-estimated. CHOICE OF PAPER. For all formal notes, of whatever nature, use heavy, plain, white, unruled paper, folded once, with square envelopes to match. A neat initial letter at the head of the sheet is allowable, but nothing more than this. Avoid monograms, floral decorations and landscapes. Unless of an elaborate and costly design they have an appearance of cheapness, and are decidedly in bad taste. GENERAL APPEARANCE. The excellences of a nicely written letter are embraced in one word, neatness. All blots, erasures, interlinings, will never be seen in a neat letter. If you are so unfortunate as to write the wrong word, do not draw your pen through it, but take a clean sheet and begin over again. Always allow half an inch margin at the left of each page ; it will give your letter a symmetrical 172 LETTER WRITING. appearance. This margin must be uniform, which ia effected by beginning the first letter of each line directly under the one above it. Until the eye and hand are trained to do this naturally, it is well to rule with a pencil a faint line, indicating the width of the margin ; in writing, begin the first word of each line at the ruled line, and when the page is completed take a clean rubber and erase the ruled line. A little practice in this way will enable one to form the margin correctly by the eye. SPELLING AND PUNCTUATION. Never allow a letter to leave you until you have carefully read it over to carefully punctuate and detect any misspelled words.' Form the habit of being critical. If there is any doubt about a word, go to the dictionary. If your correspondent be a person of culture, he will certainly notice any errors in your epistle. You cannot afford to be thought either ignorant or careless. The correct form for punctuating a letter as well as the punctuation of the address on the envelope will be found in the following examples. BEGINNING A LETTER. Begin at the upper right hand corner, about one half the distance between the top and middle. LETTER WB2TING. 173 Write your street and number, and name of the city in which you reside ; on the next line, directly underneath, write the date; if you reside in the country, write P. O. address and date on the same line. Begin back far enough to avoid all appearance of crowding. Skip one line, and at the left write the name of your correspondent (or the name may be written at the close of the letter at the left of the page). MANNER OF ADDRESS. If the person addressed be a stranger or a formal acquaintance, it is proper to write " Dear Sir," or " Dear Madam ; " if a friend, one may say " My Dear Mr. Jones." In the case of addressing a cler- gyman, one may say " Rev. Sir." In writing a pro- fessional gentleman or a person with a title ho may be distinguished as " To L. P. Davis, M.D.," " The Rev. Dr. Hall," etc. In addressing a Senator or Member of Congress or any other high Government Official, address " Honorable Sir." The President of the United States and Governor of a State should be addressed " His Excellency." . In closing a letter the degrees of formality are shown as follows : "Yours truly," " Truly yours," " Yery truly yours," " Yours very truly," " Sincerely yours," " Cordially yours," " Respectfully yours," << Faithfully yours," "Affectionately yours," "Lov- ingly yours." The writer's own judgment must be 174 LETTER WRITING. the guide in choosing the above forms, depending en- tirely upon the degree of familiarity existing between the writer and the person addressed. To a person somewhat older than yourself "Re- spectfully yours," or, " Yours with great respect," is an appropriate form. " Yours truly " and similar forms are only used among business men and formal acquaintances. "_Yours, etc.," is a careless and improper ending, and should never be used. Never abbreviate in opening or closing a letter, as " D'r S'r," and " Y'rs tr'y," as it shows laziness and undue respect for the person addressed. Care should be exercised, in closing a letter, to have the form appropriate, so as to leave a pleasing impression with your correspondent. An ill chosen ending may mar the effect of the entire letter. PROPER SIGNATURES. No lady or gentleman will write the titles Mr., Mrs., or Miss before their given names. In writing to a stranger, ladies may indicate their appropriate titles by writing " Mrs," or " Miss " after their signa- tures, enclosed in parenthesis, as " Jeannette Elizabeth Stuart (Miss)." Letters of widows and unmarried ladies are addressed with their baptismal names. The letters of married ladies are usually given with their husbands' names ; however, this is optional, as many ladies do not wish to so far lose their identity. LETTER WRITING. 175 FOKM FOB A FRIENDLY LETTER. 15, J8<JI (J tlsntse WLU, */r Ks jA asO^Us^ . <s LL, UsO^Us'Ls 176 LETTER WRITING. Carelessness in addressing a letter is a mark of discourtesy. The following are proper forms: J). Princeton Street, Hampden Co. The square envelope is used very much by ladies. fy, % y. -4. JOfj Thompson Street. Letters sent in care of another person should be addressed as above. LETTER WRITING. 177 When a letter is sent by an acquaintance or friend, the courtesy should be acknowledged on the envelope, thus: When a letter is sent by a messenger from one friend to another residing in the same place, the envelope may have the following superscription: 178 LETTER WRITING. FORMS FOR CITY ADDRESS. bs, WXL*. 13 '4. LETTER WRITING. 179 LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION. Letters of introduction should be short and care- fully worded, so that the recipient may not be embar- rassed by having to go over a large amount of written matter before obtaining the necessary information re- garding the person introduced. The contents should express your real sentiments toward the person intro- duced, and should not be too complimentary, other- wise you might embarrass the person whom you wish to favor. Letters of introduction are to be regarded as cer- tificates of respectability, and are therefore never to be given where you do not feel sure on this point. To send a person of whom you know nothing into the confidence and family of a friend, is an unpar- donable recklessness. In England, letters of intro- duction are called " tickets to soup," because it is gen- erally customary to invite a gentleman to dine who comes with a letter of introduction to you. Such is also the practice, to some extent, in this country, but etiquette here does not make the dinner so essential as there. When a gentleman, bearing a letter of introduc- tion to you, leaves his card, you should call on him or send a note, as early as possible. There is no greater insult than to treat a letter of introduction with indifference it is a slight to the stranger as well as to the introducer, which no subsequent at- tentions will cancel. After you have made this call, 180 LETTER WRITING. it is, to some extent, optional with you as to what further attentions you shall pay the party. In this country everybody is supposed to be very busy, which is always a sufficient excuse for not paying elaborate attentions to visitors. It is not demanded that any man shall neglect his business to wait upon visitors or guests. Letters of introduction should never be sealed, and should bear upon the envelope, in the left hand corner, the name and address of the person intro- duced. The following will give an idea of an ap- propriate form for a letter of introduction: Neenah, Wis., October 27, 18 "J. W. GOOD, ESQ., "DEAR SIR: "I take the liberty of introducing to you my esteemed friend, Miss. Mary E. Edgarton, who con- templates spending some little time in your city. Any attentions you may find it possible to show her during her stay, will be considered as a personal fa- vor by Yours sincerely, "MRS. C. E. JOHNSON." The envelope should bear the following super- scription: LETTER WRITING 181 Introducing Aftss Mary E. Edgarton, Neenah, TFis. LETTERS OF FRIENDSHIP. The style proper for letters to friends should not be too formal; nor should it be marked by too great familiarity, except in cases where a rare intimacy and confidence exist. A clear, cheerfully toned epistle talking with dignity even when in humor, relat- ing nothing of impropriety or of scandal, and con- veying the very spirit of kindliness is always a "welcome guest," and will do to be read aloud to others, will do to be preserved and read in after years, will enhance your friendship and add to your satis- faction. Therefore make it an invariable rule to write cheerfully, honestly, and considerately never 182 LETTER WRITING in haste, in a spirit ef petulance or anger, or in a sinister manner. A letter of this character should receive an early reply, yet not too early, as that would place the first writer too soon under obliga- tions to write again. The following is a suitable form for a letter of this kind. Dixon, 111., Feb. 10th, 18 EESPECTED MADAM: I would be wanting in gratitude did I not express to you my thanks for your excel- lent services to me; I came here a giddy girl, apt to be misled in many ways; but I have remem- bered your admonitions at parting [or, have pre- served your maxims of conduct], and I can say with truth that they have added much to my sense of security and to my happiness. Thus, I never keep the company of any stranger; I never write to any but my own old friends; I do not go out to evening-parties except in the company with some member of Mrs. Smith's family; I do not walk the streets idly, nor without purpose; I seek the society of those older than myself, and try to learn constant- ly from what I see and hear. I could not have done all this, had you not so earnest- ly impressed it upon my mind and heart by your kind and wise remarks to me; and now, I pray you to accept my gratitude and thanks for your influence over me. I feel that it will be an influence for life, LETTER WRITING 183 and may Heaven bless you, is the hearty prayer of Your young friend, CARRIE FORD. ANOTHER. Laurel Hill Grove. MY OWN DEAR CLARA : You are married ! Oh, how this sounds! Another claims you another has all your first thoughts, all your warmest love and sympath- ies; and life is no longer to you what it has been a sweet dream! but something real, thoughtful, earn- est. Dear Clara! I weep for you, because you are gone from among us are a girl no longer ; but I know you are happy in your love, that you have chosen wisely, and I have but to say, God bless you forever and forever ! May there be few of life's storms and tempests for you, but much of its summer of repose and sweet content, and may he who has won your pure heart ever be worthy of it. I congratulate you, I bless you, I pray for you. Your own loving friend, LILLIAN. THE FAMILY LETTER. i Family correspondence is a great social privilege as well as a great necessity. It brings together the divided members of the household, and, for the while, gives home a place in their hearts. 184 LETTER WRITING. Women always write these best. They know how to pick up those little items of interest which are, after all, nearly the sum-total of home life, and which, by being carefully narrated, transport, for the time being, the recipient back to home and home interests. Having furnished all the news, they should make kind and careful inquiries concerning the feelings and doings of the recipient; and if this recipient is not an adept in the art of letter- writing, they may furnish questions enough to be answered to make the reply an easy task. They should conclude with sin- cere expressions of affection from all the members of the family to the absent one, a desire for his speedy return or best welfare, and a request for an early answer. PARENTS TO CHILDREN. Where it is parents writing to children, the study should be not to talk too wisely and seriously, but to interest their child by touching upon those themes best calculated to win the absent ones atten- tion, and encourage him or her to loving thoughts of home. Any thing in a family letter, which ex- cites any other than loving thoughts, i-s greatly to be deprecated. Many an otherwise good child has been driven to wicked thoughts and deeds, by harsh or unkind words from home, when kind words would have acted as an incentive to do only what was right and best. LETTER WRITING. 185 LETTERS OF LOVE. The thought of them causes a thrill through the heart: and to those who have had the blessed, bliss- ful privilege of writing and receiving them, there come reminiscences of associations which are in- deed a rich inheritance. What can we say of them? Only this : Let them be expressive of sincere esteem, yet written in such a style that if they should ever fall under the eye of the outside world there will be no silliness to blush about, nor extravagance of expression of which to be ashamed. Letters of love are generally preceded by some' friendly correspondence, for Cupid is a wise design- er, and makes his approaches with wonderful cau- tion. These premonitory symptoms of love are easily encouraged into active symptoms, then into positive declarations: if the loved one is willing to be wooed, she will not fail to lead her pursuer into an ambush of hopes and fears, which a woman knows by in- stinct so well how to order. After the various sub- terfuges of coy expression and half-uttered wishes, there comes sooner or later, Love's Declaration. Prince street, Dec. llth, 18 DEAR Miss HILL: I am conscious that it may be presumptuous for me to address you this note; yet 186 LETTER WRITING feel that an honorable declaration of my feelings toward you is due to my own heart and to my future happiness. I first met you to admire; your beauty and intelligence served to increase that admiration to a feeling of personal interest; and now, I am free to confess, your virtues and graces have inspired in me a sentiment of love not the sentiment which finds its gratification in the civilities of friendly so- cial intercourse, but which asks in return a heart and a hand for life. This confession I make freely and openly to you, feeling that you will give it all the consideration which it deserves. If I am not deceived, it can not cause you pain; but, if any circumstance has weight with you any interest in another person, or any family obstacle, forbid you to encourage my suit, then I leave it to your candor to make such a reply to this note as seems proper. I shall wait your an- swer with some anxiety, and therefore hope you may reply at your earliest convenience. Believe me, dear lady, with feelings of true re- gard, Yours, most sincerely, HARRY STOVER. Answer. Tenth street,Dec. 15th, 18. HARRY STOVER, DEAR SIR: Your note of the 10th reached LETTER WRITING 187 me duly. Its tone of candor requires from me what it would be improper to refuse an equally candid answer. I sincerely admire you. Your qualities of heart and mind have impressed me favorably, and, now that you tell me I have won your love, I am con- scious that I too am regarding you more highly and tenderly than comports with a mere friend's rela- tion. Do not, however, give this confession too much weight, for, after all, we may both be deceived in re- gard to the nature of our esteem; and I should, there- fore, suggest, for the present, the propriety of your calling upon me at my father's house on occasional evenings; and will let time and circumstances deter- mine if it is best for us to assume more serious rela- tions to one another than have heretofore existed. I am, sir, with true esteem, Yours, sincerely, ADA HILL. Now, this correspondence does not often take place between lovers, and why? Simply because men and women are not honest and independent enough to talk thus to one another upon the most interesting and important occasion of their whole lives. ^ LETTERS OF BUSINESS. Letters of business need attention in a work of 188 LETTER WAITING. this kind, because they are those most frequently to to be written. They should be marked, 1st; by plainness in the penmanship; 2d, by perfect clear- ness of meaning; 3d, they should be brief. These virtues will insure a consideration not always ac- corded to long illegible, and obscure communica- tions. Let the style be marked by the utmost di- rectness; use no flowers of speech, no metaphor, no rhetorical graces; they are out of place. Use plain Saxon English; say just what you ought to in order to give your order, or to convey your wishes, then stop. The name should always be signed in full to a let- ter of whatever character; and if the writer be a married lady, she should invariably, except in the most familiar missives, prefix "Mrs." to her name. An elaborate or illegible signature intended to make an impression on the beholder is exceedingly snobbish. DIRECTIONS. Use a commercial note, full sheet. Begin by writ- ing your Town, County, State, and Date (month, day, and year,) at full length, on the right, upper part of the sheet, say the width of two lines from the top. Then the introductory address on the left side of the sheet, say one inch from the edge of the sheet and one line below the post address and date. Com- mence your communication, one line below the in- LETTER WRITING. 189 troductory address, and directly perpendicular to its last letter. ORDER FOR BOOKS. South Bend, St. Joe Co., Ind., June 20, 18 UNION PUBLISHING HOUSE, DEAR SIRB: Please send me by express, eighty-five copies of Decorum. Enclosed, find money order, for $17 00. You will please collect balance, on delivery of the books. Yours truly, S. H. HANSON. Making Application for Employ Gilman, 111., Nov. 10th, 18 SIRS: I am desirous of pursuing a mercantile life, and write to know if you have any place vacant for a "new hand." I am sixteen years of age, in good health and strength, and can produce the best of re- commendations as to my good moral character. If you can give me a place upon trial, I will be at your command from this time. An answer at your [CT \ >,0.,/ 190 LETTER WRITING. earliest convenience will much oblige, Yours, respectfully, 0. E. SKINNER. Letter asking for a School TO THE DlRECTOKS OP SCHOOL DISTRICT No. 4, HANNA TOWNSHIP, BOONE Co. SIRS : I ana in search of a school for the winter, and offer my services to you. I have taught for several seasons, and have the reputation of being a good teacher. Of course I have my certificate of qualifi- cation for teaching all English branches required in a district school. My recommendations as to good character, I shall be pleased to submit to your in- spection. An early answer will much oblige, Yours, truly, ANNA STEELE. ENCLOSING STAMP. Always be sure to enclose stamp for reply upon every occasion when the business is your own, or where a favor is asked. It is a downright insult to ask a person to be bothered with answering your letters and to pay his own postage for the privilega LETTERS OF INVITATION. Letters of invitation are various in form, accord- LETTER W&ITINQ. 191 ing to the various occasions which call them forth. An invitation to a large party or ball should read as follows: "Mrs. Wolf requests the pleasure of Miss Web- sters' company at a ball on Thursday, Jan. 8, at 9 o'clock." Invitations to a ball are always given in the name of the lady of the house. The letter of acceptance should be as follows: "Miss Webster accepts with pleasure Mrs. Wolfs kind invitation for Thursday, Jan. 8." Or if it is impossible to attend, a note something after the following style should be sent: "Miss Webster regrets that [whatever may be the preventing cause] will prevent her accepting Mrs. Wolf's kind invitation for Jan. 8." INVITATION TO A PARTY. The invitation to a large party is similar to that for a ball, only the words "at a ball" are omitted and the hour may be earlier. The notes of acceptance or rejection are the same as for a ball. Such a note calls for full evening-dress. If the party is a small one, the same should be indicated in the note by putting in the words "to a small even- ing-party," so that there may be no mistake in the matter. If there is any special feature which is to give character to the evening, it is best to mention this fact in the note of invitation. Thus the words "mu- 192 LETTER WETTING sical party," "to take part in dramatic readings," "to witness amateur theatricals," etc., should be inserted in the note. If there are programmes for the enter- tainment/be sure to enclose one. Invitations to a dinner-party should be in the name of both host and hostess: Thus: Mr. and Mrs. S. S. Hawkins, request the pleasure of Mr. and Mrs. Sayles' company at dinner, on Fri- day, Jan. 17, at o'clock. A note of acceptance or refusal should be at once returned. An invitation to a tea-drinking need not be so for- mal. It should partake more of the nature of a friendly note, thus: "DEAR Miss ANDERSON: We have some friends coming to drink tea with us to-morrow ; will you give us the pleasure of your company also? We hope you will not disappoint us. MRS. JANE JONES. Invitations should be written upon small note paper, which may have initial or monogram stamp- ed upon it. All invitations should be dated at the top, with address written legibly at the bottom. The body of the invitation should be in the mid- dle of the sheet, the date above, to the right, the address below, to the left. LETTER WRITING 193 The invitation must be sent to the private resi- dence of the person invited, never to the place of business. Should an invitation be declined, some reason must be given, the true cause a prior engagement, a contemplated journey, sickness, domestic trouble, or whatever it may be feeing stated clearly and concisely, so that the hostess shall have no possible occasion for offence. This refusal should be dis- patched as quickly as possible, so that the hostess may have time to supply the vacant place. An invitation once accepted, and an engagement made to dinner, should be sacredly observed. Only the most imperative necessity will justify its being broken. And in that case the fact must be commu- nicated directly with a full explanation to the host- ess. If it is too late to supply your place, it may at least be in time to prevent dinner waiting on your account. The style of wedding invitations differs with changing fashions, so that there can be no impera- tive rule laid down. The same may be said regard- ing funerals. GENERAL ADVICE TO LETTER WRITERS. In writing it is necessary to endeavor to make our style clear, precise, elegant, and appropriate for all subjects. Vivacity of discourse forces us frequently to sacrifice happy though tardy expressions, to the necessity of avoiding hesitation; but what is 194 LETTER WRITING thus an obstacle in speaking, does not interfere with the use of the pen. We ought therefore, to avoid repetitions, erasures, insertions, omissions, and con- fusion of ideas, or labored construction. If we write a familiar letter to an equal or a friend, these blem- ishes may remain; if otherwise, we must commence our letter again. An "ornamental" handwriting is a nuisance. What with flourishes and extraneous appendages, the reader is continually distracted from the text to the characters, and generally ends by wishing the writer had used better taste in his chirography. A master who teaches any thing but making neat, plain handwriting, is not fit for a teacher. In business and ceremonious letters do not write on both sides of the page. Be very sparing in your underlining of words. Most letters need no italics whatever, and to empha- size words in every line by underscoring makes the whole letter weak, if not ridiculous. Letters should be directed in a clear, large hand to the person for whom they are intended. If they are to be in the care of some one else, let that be ad- ded after the name or in the lower left-hand corner of the letter. Letters are indices of the taste as well as of the mind of the writer. They express his thoughts and his feelings, their manner almost invariably marks the spirit and temper of their author. How import- ant, then, that they should be conceived in kind- LETTER WRITING. 195 ness, tempered with truthfulness, and spoken in earnestness! It is too frequently the case that per- sons sit down to write "upon the spur of the mo- ment" when some incident, or piece of news, or some moment of impatience, fires the pen with a feeling which is very apt to find expression in too hasty words which affect the distant reader very unpleasantly, or which needlessly wound feelinti and stir up acrimony. It is best, in almost every case, to write when thought and feeling have been sobered by reflection; and then it is for the best to eschew personalities, harsh expressions, unpleasant allusions, for, once written they can not be recalled they then become matters of record. Therefore be- ware, and be even over-cautious, rather than not cau- tious enough, for a letter may serve as a sure witness in cases where you might never suppose it could be used. It may live and bear testimony for years it does not change with time or circumstance it is a warrantee deed of whose responsibility you can nev- er be free \ LAWS OF BUSINESS AND LEGAL FORMS. CHAPTER 14. 4.NY are not familiar with the following laws of business that are in most common daily use : Ignorance of the law excuses no one. The law does not require one to do impossibilities. Principals are respoBsible for the acts of their agents. The acts of one partner bind all the rest. Each individual in a partnership is responsible for the whole amount of the debts of the firm, except in cases of special partnership. A receipt for money is not always conclusive. Signatures made with a lead pencil are held good in law. A contract made with a minor is void. Contracts made on Sunday cannot be enforced. No consideration is sufficient in law if it be illegal in its nature. An agreement without consideration is void. An oral agreement must be proved by evidence. A written agreement proves itself. The law prefers written to oral evidence, because of its precision. Written instruments are to be construed and inter- preted by the law according to the simple, customary and natural meaning of the words used. No evidence can be introduced to contradict or 196 COMMERCIAL AND LEGAL FORMS. 197 vary a written contract, but it may be received in order to explain it when such evidence is needed. A note obtained by fraud, or from a person in a state of intoxication, cannot be collected. If the time of payment is not named, it is payable on demand. Yalue received should be written in a note, but, if not, it may be supplied by proof. The payee should be named in a note unless pay- able to bearer. The time must not depend on a con- tingency. The promise must be absolute. The maker of an accommodation bill or note is not bound to the person accommodated, but is bound to all other parties, the same as if there was a good con- sideration. Checks or drafts should be presented for payment without unnecessary delay, during business hours ; but in this country it is not compulsory except in the case of banks. If the drawee of a check or draft has changed his residence, the holder must use due and reasonable diligence to find him. If one who holds a check as payee, or otherwise, transfers it to another, he has a right to insist that the check be presented on that day, or, at farthest, on the day following. An indorsement of a bill or note may be written on the face or back. An indorser may prevent his own liability to be sued by writing without recourse, or similar words. An indorsee has a right of action against all whose names were on the bill when he received it. 198 COmiEBCIAL AND LEGAL FORMS. A note indorsed in blank (the name of the indorser only written) is transferable by delivery, the same as if made payable to bearer. If a note or bill is transferred as security, or even as payment of a pre-existing debt, the debt revives if the note or bill be dishonored. The holder of a note may give notice of protest to all the previous indorsers, or to only one of them. In the latter case, he should select the last indorser, and the last should give notice to the last before him, and so on through. Each indorser must send notice the same day or the day following. Neither Sunday nor any legal holiday is counted in reckoning time in which notice is to be given. If a letter containing a protest of non-payment be put into the post-office, any miscarriage does not affect the party giving notice. Notice of protest may be sent either to the place of business or to the resi- dence of the party notified. If two or more persons, as partners, are jointly liable on a note or bill, notice to one of them is suf- ficient. The loss of a note is not sufficient excuse for not giving notice of protest. The finder of negotiable paper, as of all other property, must make reasonable efforts to find the owner, before he is entitled to appropriate it to his own benefit. If the finder conceal it, he is liable to the charge of larceny or theft. COMMERCIAL AND Negotiable Note. LEGAL FORMS. 199 Non-Negotiabla Note. 200 COMMERCIAL AND LEGAL FORMS. Note with Interest. Sight Draft. toq ^ :C\3 m :^-q I S H, " :l o CV) V . || j ^ x& t3 O f$ o COMMEEGIAL AND LEGAL FORMS. 201 Receipt for Money. Bank Check. 00 00 3 hO O s 5 cs 202 COMMERCIAL AND LEGAL FORMS. FORM OF CONTRACT FOR ANY PURPOSE. This agreement made this day of A.D. 18...., between John Jones, of. , State of , party of the first part, and JohnSmith, of. , State of. , party of the second part, witnesseth: That the said John Jones, for the consideration hereinafter mentioned, agrees to (here state the agreement). In consideration whereof, the said John Smith hereby agrees to pay the said John Jones (here state the conditions). In witness whereof they have hereunto interchangeably set their hands and seals the day above written. John Jones. John Smith. In presence of Henry Barker. COMMERCIAL AND LEGAL FORMS. 203 BILL OF SALE. Springfield, Mass.^Feb. 17, 1890. Miss Ella M. Knowks, Worcester, Mass. Bought of KING, RICHARDSON & CO., 25 "Manners," Clo., Plain, . . $2.25, $56.25 30 Silk (extra), . . 2.50, 75>oo 20 "- Russia, . . . 5.00, 60.00 $191.25 Received Payment, King, Richardson & Co. LETTER OF CREDIT. Fayette, Iowa, May 9, 1890. King, T^icbardsm & Co., Springfield, Mass. Tlease slip books to Geo. A. Austin as be may order, not to exceed Five Hundred ($500) Dollars, and I will be responsible to you for tbe payment of tbe same within fifteen days from date of shipment. Yaurs truly, "Daniel F. Gay. 204 COMMERCIAL AND LEGAL FORMS. FORM OF SOLEMNIZATION OF MARRIAGE. Persons authorized to perform the marriage ceremony should first satisfy themselves that the candidates presenting themselves have the legal right to marry. When performed by a Minister, it should be accord- ing to the forms and customs of the church to which he belongs. If by a Magistrate, no particular form is required. This form may be used by either. The Minister or Justice may say : " A. B., do you take C. D. to be your wife ? Do you promise to be to her a kind and faithful husband, so long as you both live ? " To which the gentleman assents. Addressing the lady u 0. D., do you take A. B. to be your husband ? Do you promise to be to him a kind and faithful wife, so long as you both live ? " To which she assents. The Minister or Justice then pronounce them man and wife. SELF CULTURE. SELF-CULTURE. CHAPTER 15. HE secret of moral self-culture lies in the training of the will to decide according to the fiat of an enlight- ened conscience. When a question of good or ill is brought before the mind for its action, its several faculties are appealed to. The in- tellect perceives, compares and re- flects on the suggestions. The emotions, desires and passions are addressed and solicited to indulgence. The conscience pronounces its verdict of right or wrong on the proposed act. Then comes the self- determining will, coinciding either with the conscience or with the emotions. The end of right moral culture is to habituate it to decide against the passions, desires and emotions whenever they oppose the conscience. Self-culture may be divided into three classes the physical, the intellectual, and the moral. Neither must be developed exclusively. Cultivate the physi- cal unduly and alone, and you may have an athletic savage; the moral, and you have an enthusiast or a maniac; the intellectual, and you have a diseased 205 206 SELF-CULTURE. monstrosity. The three must be wisely trained toge- ther to have the complete man. ECONOMIZE TIME. It is astonishing how much may be accomplished in self-training by the energetic and persevering, who are careful to use fragments of spare time which the idle permit to run to waste. Excellence is seldom if ever granted to man save as the reward of severe labor. Thus Stone learned Mathematics while working as a journeyman gardener ; thus Druce studied the high- est Philosophy in the interval of cobbling shoes ; thus Miller taught himself Geology while working as a day laborer in a quarry. Whatever one undertakes to learn, he should not permit himself to leave it till he can reach round and clasp hands on the other side. One must believe in himself if he would have others believe in him. To think meanly of one's self is to sink in his own estimation. Cultivate self-help, for in proportion to your self- respect will you be armed against the temptation of low self-indulgence. Again " reverence yourself," as Pythagoras has said. Borne up by this high idea, a man will not defile his body by sensuality nor his mind by servile thoughts. This thought, carried into daily life, will be found at the root of all virtues : cleanliness, sobri- ety, charity, morality and religion. SELF-CULTURE. 207 Set a high price on your leisure moments. They are sands of precious gold. Properly expended, they will procure for you a stock of great thoughts thoughts that will fill, stir, and invigorate and expand your soul. Richter said : " I have made as much out of myself as could be made of the stuff, and no man should require more." Self-discipline and self- control are the beginnings of practical wisdom; and these must have root in self-respect. The humblest may say " To respect myself, to develop myself, this is my duty in life." IMPORTANCE OF EARLY RISING. In rightly improving his time every one who is seek- ing earnestly to unfold the energies of his mind by giving it the food which God designed that it should receive, will soon discover that, after a night's repose, his mind is clearer and more vigorous than after a day spent in labor and perhaps anxiety, and he will naturally seek to give as much time to study in the morning as possible. Early rising will bring to him a two-fold benefit ; it will strengthen both mind and body. READING. Self-education is something very different from mere reading by way of amusement. It requires long and laborious study. The cultivation of a taste for reading is all very well, but mere reading does little toward advancing any one in the world little toward preparing him for a higher station than the 208 SELF-CULTURE. one he fills. The knowledge which fits a man for eminence in any profession or calling is not acquired without patient, long-continued and earnest applica- tion. STUDY. Mere reading, therefore, although of importance in itself as a means of enlarging our ideas and correct- ing and refining our tastes, does not give a man much power, does not help him to rise above the position in which circumstances may have originally placed him. It is study th&t does this. Franklin, the printer's boy, did not become Franklin, the philosopher and states- man, by reading only, but by study ; and we do not hear of his studying under teachers and of being guided by them, for, like many of us, he did not possess these high advantages, but his education pro- gressed under the supervision of his own mind. He had to feel his way along, and to correct his own errors ever and anon as the dawning of fresh light enabled him to see them, and you may do the same ; you, with few acquirements now, and few opportuni- ties, may, if you only will it, become as useful and eminent a man as Franklin. But you must work for it. Diligently and earnestly must you labor or you cannot stand side by side, in after years, with the men who have become distinguished for the important services they have been able to render their fellows. Any one to become great through his own exertions has undertaken a large contract. But the perspective SELF-CULTURE. 209 of this superstructure looks larger and more formid- able than it is in reality. One is likely to look at a successful life rounded out and complete, and then measure his own life by this model. He must not say " I cannot do as these men do," but rather " I should try to do what they have done." These models, whose memories are finger-posts for a succeeding generation, did not become such by accident, nor by a single leap. No! they rose by successive, single degrees, each of which was wrought out by sweating brow and aching muscle. The golden crop cannot be garnered till after the seed has been sown. The impression cannot be read till after the type is set in order, and the errors shown in the proof. Stones do not, of themselves, turn up as you pass by, to reveal the golden wealth hidden beneath them. DEPEND UPON WORK NOT GENIUS. But usually young people are not willing to devote themselves to that process of slow, toilsome self- culture which is the price of great success. Could they soar to eminence on the lazy wings of genius the world would be filled with great men. But this can never be ; for whatever aptitude for particular pursuits nature may donate to her favorites, to her particular children, she conducts none but the labo- rious and the studious to distinction. 210 SELF-CULTUBE. GOOD BOOKS EASILY ACCESSIBLE. The great thoughts of great men are now to be procured at prices almost nominal. Therefore, you can easily collect a library of choice authors. Public lectures are also abundant in our large cities. Attend the best of them and carefully treasure up the richest ideas. But, above all, learn to reflect even more than you read. CARELESS READING IMPAIRS THE MIND. Reading is to the mind what eating is to the body ; and reflection is similar to digestion. To eat, without giving nature time to assimilate the food to herself by the slower process of digestion is to deprive her, first, of health, and then of life ; so to cram the intellect by reading without due reflection is to weaken and par- alyze the mind. He who reads thus has " his percep- tions dazzled and confused by the multitude of images presented to them." There are a very large number of young men just entering upon life, of good minds but deficient education who, from this cause, are kept back and labor under great disabilities. Many of these are mechanics, and others have no regular call- ing whatever, and find it very difficult to earn any- thing beyond a very meager support. Upon these we would urge with great earnestness the duty of self- education, so called. The deficiencies of early years need not keep them back from positions of eminence in society those positions awarded only to men of SELF-CULTURE. 211 intellectual force and sound information if they will but strive for them. A vast amount of knowledge may be gained in the course of a very few years, by rightly employing those leisure hours which every one has ; and this knowledge, if of a practical kind, will always insure to a man the means of elevation in the world. No matter what a young man's situation and pros- pects are ; no matter if he is perfectly independent in his circumstances, and heir of two millions, he will certainly become a worthless character if he docs not aim at something higher than his own selfish enjoy- ment ; if he does not indeed devote himself to some honorable and useful calling. HAVE SOME WORTHY ATM. To be industrious, a young man must have a useful pursuit and a worthy aim. He must follow that pur- suit diligently. Rising early and economizing his moments, he must earnestly persist in his toil, adding little by little to his capital stock of ideas, influence or wealth. He must learn to glory in his labor, be it mechanical, agricultural or professional. He must impress himself deeply with the idea that a life of idleness is one of the direst of all curses. THE RESULT OF IDLENESS. Vast numbers of young men annually sink from positions of high promise into utter abandonment and destruction. But admit that the idle youth so trims 212 SELF-CULTURE. between sloth and industry as to avoid utter ruin; what then? He lives a useless, insignificant life His place in society is aptly illustrated by certain books in a Boston library which are lettered " Succed- aneum" on their backs. " Succedaneum I" exclaims a visitor ; " what sort of a book is that ? " Down it comes, when lo ! a wooden block, shaped just like a book, is in his hands. Then he understands the meaning of the occult title to be " in the place of another," and that the wooden block is used to fill vacant places, and keep genuine volumes from falling into confusion. Such is an idler in society, a man in form, but a block in fact. As nothing great can be accomplished without industry and an earnest purpose, so nothing great can be accomplished without order. The one is indis- pensable to the other, and they go hand in hand as co-workers in man's elevation. " DILIGENTIA OMNIA YINOIT." No young man should wish to live without work ; work is a blessing instead of a curse ; it makes men healthy ; develops their powers of body and mind ; frees them from temptation ; makes them virtuous and enterprising, and raises them to wealth, to honor and to happiness. The workingmen of our country are its truest nobility. I refer, of course, both to those who work with their minds and those who work with their hands ; and with these workers every young maa SELF-CULTURE. 213 should be prompt to enroll his name, and honor it through life by being a working man a producer, and not a mere consumer of what other's earn. Hav- ing chosen his occupation, let him give himself to it with patient, untiring application resolve to rise and excel in it. If placed in discouraging circumstances, let him remember the adage of Cicero Diligentia omnia vincit. Our worthiest and best men have been formed amid difficulties and trials, and no young man should ever succumb to difficulties or shrink from toil. I have seen young men starting from the humblest walks and rising to honor, wealth and influence in the various callings in life. I have seen others much their superiors in natural talents and external advantages, sink into inefficiency and neglect, unable to acquire any eminence or respect in the world. And when I have inquired into the cause of this difference, I have found almost universally that it was owing to perse- verance and diligence in one case and to neglect and inconstancy in the other. REQUISITES OF SUCCESS. I have rarely known a young man fail to rise in the world, who pursued an honest calling with a steady, unw^voring purpose to excel in it ; and I have never known one fail to sink who was a slothful, unstable character. Industry and perseverance, coupled with fidelity, can do anything, but without 214 SELF-CULTURE. t-hera nothing can be done. Liko the tortoise in the fable, it is the slow, sure, persevering runner that first reaches the goal. It is not a few bold, fitful efforts that make a man of mark. Even the great Newton modestly confessed that he owed his success as a philosopher more to patience and attention than to any original superiority of mind. And we know many at the present day, among the most useful and respected in society, who have risen precisely in the same manner. Idleness is the nursery of crime. It is that prolific germ of which all rank and poisonous vices are the fruits. It is the source of temptation. It is the field where " the enemy sows tares while men sleep." Could we trace tho history of a large class of vices we should find that they generally originate from the want of some useful employment and are brought ia to supply its place. ADVANTAGES OF WEDLOCK. " When a man hath taken a new wife he shall not go to war, neither shall he be charged with any business; but he shall be free at home one year and cheer up the wife which he has taken." DEUT. xxiv, 5. CHAPTER 16. MAN who avoids matrimony on account of the cares of wed- ded life, cuts himself off from a great blessing for fear of a trifling annoyance. He rivals the wiseacre who secured him- self against corns by having his legs amputated. In his selfish anxiety to live unen- cumbered he only subjects himself to heavier burdens; for the passions that apportion to each individual the load he is to bear through life, generally say to the calculating bachelor " As you are a single man, you shall carry double." COMPARISONS. The Assurance Magazine, an English periodical, makes the statement, that in the two periods of life, twenty to twenty-five and twenty-five to thirty, the probability of a widower marrying in a year is nearly three times as great as that of a bachelor ; at thirty, it is four times as great ; at sixty, the chances of a widower marrying in a year are eleven times as great 215 216 ADVANTAGES OF WEDLOCK. as that of a bachelor. After the age of thirty, the probability of a bachelor marrying in a year dimin- ishes in a most rapid ratio ; the probability at thirty- five is not much more than half that at thirty, and nearly the same proportion exists between each period afterward. BACHELORS. None but the married man has a home in his old age. None has friends then but he ; none but he knows and feels the solace of the domestic hearth; none but he lives and freshens in his green old age, amid the affections of his children. There is no tear shed for the old bachelor ; there is no ready hand and kind heart to cheer him in his loneliness and bereave- ment ; there is none in whose eyes he can see himself reflected and from whose lips he can receive the unfailing assurance of care and love. He may be courted for his money; he may eat and drink and revel ; and he may sicken and die in a hotel or a gar- ret with plenty of attendants about him, like so many cormorants waiting for their prey; but he will never know the comforts of the domestic fireside. The guardian of the Holborn Union lately adver- tised for candidates to fill the situation of engineer at the work-house, a single man a wife not being allowed to reside on the premises. Twenty-one candidates presented themselves ; but it was found that as to testimonials, character, workmanship and ADVANTAGES OF WEDLOCK 217 appearance, the best men were all married men. The guardians had, therefore, to select a married man. A married man falling into misfortune is more apt to retrieve his iituation in the world than a single one, chiefly because his spirits are soothed and re- trieved by domestic endearments and his self-respect kept alive by finding that although all abroad be darkness and humiliation, yet there is a little world of love at home over which he is a monarch. ADVICE OF JEREMY TAYLOK. Jeremy Taylor says : " If you are for pleasure, marry; if you prize rosy health, marry. A good wife is heav- ' en's last best gift to man his angel of mercy minis- ter of graces innumerable his gem of many virtues his casket of jewels her voice, his sweetest music her smiles, his brightest day her kiss, the guardian of innocence her arms, the pale of his safety, the balm of his health, the balsam of his life her indus- try, his surest wealth her economy, his safest stew- ard her lips, his faithful counselors her bosom, the softest pillow of his cares and her prayers, the ablest advocates of heaven." " Doubtless you have remarked, with satisfaction," says a writer in one of our popular magazines, " the little oddities of men who marry rather late in life are pruned away speedily after marriage. You may find' a man who used to be shabbily and carelessly dressed, with huge shirt collar frayed at the edges, and a glaring yellow silk pocket-handkerchief, broken of 218 ADVANTAGES OF WEDLOCK. these and become a pattern of neatness. You have seen a man whose hair and whiskers w<ere ridiculously cut, speedily become like other human beings. You have seen a clergyman who wore a long beard, in a little while appear without one. You have seen a man who used to sing ridiculous sentimental songs leave them off. You have seen a man who took snuff eo- piously, and who generally had his breast covered with snuff, abandon this vile habit. A wife is the grand wielder of the moral priming-knife. If Johnson's wife had lived, there would have been no hoarding of bits of orange-peel, no touching of all the posts in walking along the street, no eating and drinking with disgust- ing voracity. If Oliver Goldsmith had been married, he would never have worn that memorable and ridic- ulous coat. Whenever you find a man whom you know little about, oddly dressed or talking ridicu- lously, or exhibiting any eccentricity of manner, you may be tolerably sure he is not a married man. For the little corners are rounded off, the shoots are pruned away in married men. Wives generally have much more sense than their husbands, especially if the husbands are clever men. The wife's advices are like the ballast that keeps the ship steady. They are like the wholesome though painful shears snipping off the little growth of self-conceit and folly. CELIBACY AN UNNATURAL STATE. Robert Southey says, a man may be cheerful and ADVANTAGES OF WEDLOCK. 210 contented in celibacy but I do not think he can ever be happy ; it is an unnatural state, and the best feel- ings of his nature are never called into action. WOMAN'S RISK GREATER THAN MAN'S. The risks of marriage are for the greater part on the woman's side. Women have so little the power of choice that it is not, perhaps, fair to say that they are less likely to choose well than we are ; but I am persuaded that they are more frequently deceived in the attachments they form, and their opinions con- cerning men are less accurate than men's opinion of their sex. Now, if a lady were to reproach me for having said this, I should reply that it was only another way of saying there are more good wives in the world than there are good husbands, which I verily believe. I know of nothing which a good and sensible man is so certain to find, if he looks for it, as a good wife. Somebody has said "Before you marry, be sure of a house wherein to tarry/' And see, my friend, that you make your house a home. A house is a mere skeleton of bricks, lath, plaster and wood ; a home is a residence, not merely of the body, but of the heart. It is a place for the affections to develop themselves for children to live, and learn, and play in for husband and wife to toil smilingly together to make life a blessing. A house where a wife is a slattern and a sloven cannot be a home. A house where 220 ADVANTAGES OF WEDLOCK. there is no happy fireside, no book, no newspaper above all, where there is no religion and no Bible, how can it be a home ? My bachelor brother, there cannot, by any possibility, be a home where there is no wife. To talk of a home without love, we might as well expect to find a New England fireside in one of the pyramids of Egypt. HAVE A HOME. Married people should never be without a home of their own from the day when they are united to the day of their death. By giving it up, they may save money and avoid trouble, but they are sure to lose happiness and substantial comfort, and a great part of the best uses of life. This is true at all times ; but there are no five years in which it is so important as those in which it is most frequently disregarded. Home life is the proper and normal condition of marriage, and they who have no home of their own are not much better than half married, after all. OBJECTIONS ON ACCOUNT OF EXPENSE. The objection made is the expense; they cannot afford the first outlay and the continual expenditure involved ; to which we might give ft first and general answer, that until we can afford to provide a home we have no business to be married, but we admit that the objection lies deeper and is more difficult of removal than at first appears. It consists in foolish habits of expenditure and in absurd social ambitions ADVANTAGES OF WEDLOCK 221 by which unreal necessities are created, and the prob- lem of domestic life is made one of almost impossible solution. It is this that either prevents marriage or destroys its comfort. When a young woman who is accustomed to live and dress like a princess and a man who has always expended his whole in- come on himself contract an alljance, they must either have a large income to maintain the accus- tomed style, or adopt the very unaristocratic expe- dient of " lodgings " BO as to keep up the appearance before the world, and economize in comfort for the sake of being extravagant in show. How much there is of this, let every American city declare. A part of the evil, and no small part, is the fault of the parents who train their daughters so that noth- ing but wealth can make them happy, and economy is a virtue vulgar and hateful in their eyes; but chiefly it is a general lack of good sense, false ideas of respectability, the want of independence, and al- most servile subjection to the opinion of what we call the world, which generally means some fifteen or twenty of the silliest persons of our acquaintance. ESSENTIALS TO HAPPINESS. Two things are essential to happiness in married life : first, to have a home of one's own ; and second, to establish it upon such a scale as to live distinctly and clearly within one's means ; if possible, not quite up to them, and by no possibility beyond them. A ADVANTAGES OF WEDLOCK great portion of the failures in wedlock may be traced directly to the neglect of the latter rule. No man can feel happy or enjoy the comfort of his own fireside who is spending more than he earns. Debt destroys his self-respect, puts hinr at variance with the world, and makes him irritable, ill-tempered, and hard to please. There is no Christian virtue, no Christian grace, that can keep company with the bur- densome annoyance of debt. The thought of unpaid bills and of rent falling due and unprovided for, de- stroys the relish of one's food, and awakens him from the soundest sleep at night, and the luxuries for which the debts were contracted become loathsome in his sight. Then comes fault-finding and recrimina- tion, and love flies out at the window when the sheriff threatens to come in at the door. Romantic people may talk as much as they please about indul- gent husbands and fascinating wives, but the plain matter of fact is, that no attractions or charms in the wife, either of person or mind, are more available in keeping the husband's affection and respect than the despised virtues of economy and thrift. By such care for his interests, she confers daily benefits upon him ; she lessens and cheers his labor ; she increases his credit and enlarges his prosperity ; " She will do him good and not evil all the days of his life." COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. CHAPTER 17. OVE took up the harp of life And smote on all the strings with might ; Smote the chord of self, which trembling, Passed in music out of sight. In point of fact, women certainly constitute the most general consideration in life ; in point of necessity, perhaps the most important one. In every age and country, they occupy vastly the larger portion of men's thoughts. The class of common men dedicate to them their lives; and to ambition, busi- ness or amusement, they are but the truants of an hour. The boy dreams of them as the ministers of a delight, dim but delicious, inexplicable but im- mense ; the man thinks of them as the authors of a pleasure, placid yet poignant ; the old turn towards them as the sources of that comfort which is the only paradise of age. To gain the favor of a race whose attractions are so universal and so various, must be admitted to be an art that is worth some attention. 224 CO URTSHIP AND MARRIA QE. CHARMS FOR PROCURING LOVE.- Anciently, talismans and charms were relied on for procuring love; "but it is now many years since the only tailsmans for creating love are the charms of the person beloved," By gracefully displaying those advantages which nature has given, and by diligently cultivating the graces which art can be stow, every man may reasonably hope to succeed in whatever aspirations he may form in this direction. In this field, moral qualities prevail far more than physical ; and while few men are possessed of those attractions of form and face which sometimes are successful, all may hope to acquire those qualifica- tions of character, understanding and manners, which more often win the esteem of woman. A WOMAN'S JUDGMENT. A Woman's common judgment upon this matter has been accurately expressed by Gibber when he places in a woman's mouth, the remark, that "the only merit of a man is his sense, while doubtless the greatest value of a woman is her beauty." Beauty, unquestionably, is the master-charm of that sex, and it is felt to be so by themselves. But while we ob- serve its value, we cannot but ponder on its dangers. Their glory is so often their ruin, that what they make their boast were better called their curse. LOVE AND MARRIAGE. This marriage is a terrible thing: ; 'Tis like that well-known trick in the ring CO UR TSHIP AND MARRIA GE. 225 Where one of a famed equestrian troup Makes a leap through a golden hoop, Not knowing at all what may befall After his getting through it. THOMAS HOOD. USAGES OF SOCIETY. At first sight it would appear as if both love and marriage were beyond the rules of etiquette; but it is not so. In society we must conform to the usages of society, even in the tender emotions of the heart. LOVE A UNIVERSAL PASSION. Love is the universal passion. We are all, at one time or other, conjugating the verb amo. "He that feels No love for women, hts no heart for them, Nor friendship or affectionl he is foe To all the finer feelings of the soul; And to sweet Nature's holiest, tenderest ties, A heartless renegade." A LADY'S POSITION. A ladyfe choice is only negative that is to say, she may love, but she cannot declare her love; she must wait. It is hers, when the time comes, to con- sent or to decline, but till the time comes she must be passive. And whatever may be said in jest or sarcasm about it, this trial of a woman's patience ia often very hard to bear. A GENTLEMAN'S POSITION. A man may, and he will learn his fate at once, 226 COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. \ openly declare his passion, and obtain his answer. In this he has great advantage over the lady. Being refused, he may go elsewhere to seek a mate, if he be in the humor; try his fortune again, and mayhap be the lucky drawer of a princely prize. To a gentleman seeking a partner for life, we would say look to it, that you be not entraped by a beautiful face. 'Regard not the figure, young man; look at the heart: The heart of a woman is sometimes deformed." CONDUCT OF A GENTLEMAN TOWARD LADIES. A gentleman whose thoughts are not upon mar- riage should not pay too exclusive attentions to any one lady. He may call upon all and extend invita- tions to any or all to attend public places of amuse- ment with him, or may act as their escort on occa- sions, and no one of the many has any right to feel herself injured. But as soon as he neglects oth- ers to devote himself to a single lady he gives that lady reason to suppose he is particularly attracted to her, and there is danger of her feelings becoming engaged. CONDUCT OF A LADY TOWARD GENTLEMEN. Neither should a young lady allow marked atten- tions from any one to whom she is not especially attracted, for several reasons: one, that she may not do an injury to the gentleman in seeming to give his CO URTSHIP AND MARRIA GE. 227 suit encouragement, another, that she may not harm herself in keeping aloof from her those whom she might like better, but who will not approach her under the mistaken idea that her feelings are al- ready interested. A young lady will on no account encourage the address of one whom she perceives to be seriously interested in her unless she feels it pos- sible that in time she may be able to return his af- fections. The prerogative of proposing lies with man, but the prerogative of refusing lies with wom- an; and this prerogative a lady of tact and kind heart can and will exercise before her suitor is brought to the humiliation of a direct offer. She may let him see that she receives with equal favor attentions from others, and she may check in a kind but firm manner his too frequent visits. She should try, while discouraging him as a lover, to still retain him as a friend. A young man who has used sufficient delicacy and deliberation in this matter, and who, moreover, is capable of taking a hint when it is offered him, need not go to the length of a declaration when a refusal only awaits him. PREMATURE DECLARATION. It is very injudicious, not to say presumptuous for a gentleman to make a proposal to a young lady on a brief acquaintance. He may be perfectly sat* isfied as to her merits, but how can he imagine him- self so attractive as to suppose her equally satisfied 228 COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. on her part? A lady who would accept a gentleman at first sight can hardly possess the discretion need- ed to make her a good wife. Therefore, impatient and impassioned young man, nurse your ardor for a while unless you wish to ensure for yourself disap- pointment. LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT. No doubt there is such a thing as love at first sight, but love alone is a very uncertain foundation upon which to base marriage. There should be thor- ough acquaintanceship and a certain knowledge of harmony of tastes and temperaments before matri- mony is ventured upon. TRIFLING WITH A MAN'S FEELINGS. Some young ladies pride themselves upon the con- quests which they make, and would not scruple to sacrifice the happiness of an estimable person to their reprehensible vanity. Let this be far from you. If you see clearly that you have become an object of especial regard to a gentleman, and do not wish to encourage his addresses, treat him honora- bly and humanely, as you hope to be used with gen- erosity by the person who may engage your own heart. Do not let him linger in suspense; but take the earliest opportunity of carefully making known your feelings on the subject. This may be done in a variety of ways. A refined ease of manner will satisfy him, if he has any discernment, that his ad' COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 229 dresses will not be acceptable. Should your natural disposition render this difficult, show that you wish to avoid his company, and he will presently with- draw; but if even this is difficult and who can lay down rules for another? allow an opportunity for explanation to occur. You can then give him a po- lite and decisive answer; and be assured that, in whatever manner you convey your sentiments to him, if he be a man of delicacy and right feeling, he will trouble you no further. Let it never be said of you, that you permit the attentions of an honora- ble man when you have no heart to give him; or that you have trifled with the affections of one whom you perhaps esteem, although you resolve never to marry him. It may be that his preference gratifies and his conversation interests you; that you are flat- tered by the attentions of a man whom some of your companions admire; and that, in truth, you hardly know your own mind on the subject. This will not excuse you. Every young woman ought to know the state of her own heart; and yet the happiness and future prospects of many an excellent man have been sacrificed by such unprincipled conduct. A POOR TRIUMPH. It is a poor triumph for a young lady to say, or to feel, that she has refused five, ten, or twenty offers of marriage; it is about the same as acknowledging herself a trifler and coquette, who, from motives of personal vanity, tempts and induces hopes and ex- 230 CO URTSHIP AND MARRIA GE. pectations which she has predetermined shall be dis- appointed. Such a course is, to a certain degree, both unprincipled and immodest. A STILL GREATER CRIME. It is a still greater crime when a man conveys the impression that he is in love, by actions, gallantries, looks, attentions, all except that he never commits himself and finally withdraws his devotions, exult- ing in the thought that he has said or written noth- ing which can legally bind him. THE REJECTED LOVER. Remember that if a gentleman makes a lady an offer, she has no right to speak of it. If she possess either generosity or gratitude for offered affection, she will not betray a secret which does not belong to her. It is sufficiently painful to be refused, without incurring the additional mortification of being pointed out as a rejected lover. DUTY OF A REJECTED SUITOR. The duty of the rejected suitor is quite clear. Et- iquette demands that he shall accept the lady's de- cision as final and retire from the field. He has no right to demand the reason of her refusal. If she assign it, he is bound to respect her secret, if it is one, and to hold it inviolable. To persist in urging his suit or to follow up the lady with marked attentions would be in the worst CO UBTSHIP AND MARRIA GE. 231 possible taste. The proper course is to withdraw as much as possible from the circles in which she moves, so that she may be spared reminiscences which cannot be other than painful. UNMANLY CONDUCT. Rejected suitors sometimes act as if they had re- ceived injuries they were bound to avenge, and so take every opportunity of annoying or slighting the helpless victims of their former attentions. Such conduct is cowardly and unmanly, to say noth- ing of its utter violation of good breeding. ENCOURAGING THE ADDRESS OF A GENELEMAN. If you encourage the addresses of a deserving man, behave honorably and sensibly. Do not lead him about as if in triumph: nor take advantage oi the ascendency which you have gained by playing with his feelings. Do not seek for occasions to tease him, that you may try his temper; neither affect in- difference; nor provoke lovers' quarrels, for the fool- ish pleasure of reconciliation. On your conduct during courtship will very much depend the esti- mation in which you will be held by your husband in after life. PROPOSAL OF MARRIAGE. The mode in which the avowal of love should be made, must of course, depend upon circumstances. It would be impossible to indicate the style in which 232 CO URTSHIP AND MARRIA GE. the matter should be told. The heart and the head the best and truest partners suggest the most proper fashion. Station, power, talent, wealth, com- plexion; all have much to do with the matter; they must all be taken into consideration in a formal re- quest for a lady's hand. If the communication be made by letter, the utmost care should be taken that the proposal be clearly, simply, and honestly stated. Every allusion to the lady should be made with mark- ed respect. Let it, however, be taken as a rule that an interview is best; but let it be remembered that all rules have exceptions. FORMS FOR PROPOSALS. As to the exact words there is no set formula, un- less we accept those laid down in Dickens' novel of David Copperfield "Barkis is willin." Trollope says on this subject: "We are inclined to think that these matters are not always discussed by mortal lovers in the poetically passionate phrase- ology which is generally thought to be appropriate for this description. A man cannot well describe that which he has never seen or heard, but the ab- solute words and acts of one such scene did once come to the author's knowledge. The couple were by no means plebeian or below the proper standard of high bearing and high breeding; they were a handsome pair, living among educated people, suffi- ciently given to mental pursuits, and in every way what a pair of polite lovers ought to be. The all- CO URTSHIP AND MARRIA GE. 233 important conversation passed in this wise. The site of the passionate scene was the sea-shore, on which they were walking, in autumn: 11 Gentleman. 'Well, miss, the long and the short of it is this: here I am; you can take me or leave me.' "Lady (scratching a gutter on the sand with her parasol, so as to allow a little salt water to run out of one hole into another). 'Of course I know that's all nonsense/ "Gentleman. 'Nonsense! By Jove, it isn't non- sense at all! Come, Jane, here I am; come, at any rate you can say something/ "Lady. 'Yes, I suppose I can say something. 1 "Gentleman. 'Well, which is it to be take me or leave me?' "Lady (very slowly, and with a voice perhaps hardly articulate, carrying on, at the same time, her engineering works on a wider scale). 'Well, I dont exactly want to leave you.' "And so the matter was settled settled with much propriety and satisfaction; and both the lady and gentleman would have thought, had they ever thought about the matter at all, that this, the sweetest moment of their lives, had been graced by all the poetry by which such moments ought to be hallowed." PROPOSAL ACCEPTED. Supposing the gentleman to be accepted by the ;234 COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. lady of his heart, he is, of course, recognized hence- forth as one of the family. The family of the engaged lady should endeavor to make the suitor feel that he is at home, however protracted his visits may be. PROTRACTED ENGAGEMENTS. But protracted courtship, or engagements, are if possible, to be avoided; they are universally embar- rassing. Lovers are so apt to find out imperfections in each other-to grow exacting, jealous, and morose. "Alas ! how slight a cause can move Dissension between hearts that love." "ASKING PAPA." When a gentleman is accepted by the lady of his choice, the next thing in order is to go at once to her parents for their approval. In presenting his suit to them he should remember that it is not from the sentimental but the practical side that they will re- gard the affair. Therefore, after describing the state of his affections in as calm a manner as possible, and perhaps hinting that their daughter is not in- different to him, let him at once frankly, without waiting to be questioned, give an account of his pe- cuniary resources and his general prospects in life, in order that the parents may judge whether he can properly provide for a wife and possible family. A pertinent anecdote was recently going the rounds of CO URTSHIP AND MARRIA GE. 235 the newspapers. A father asked a young man who had applied to him for his daughter's hand how much property he had. "None," he replied, but he was "chock full of days' work." The anecdote con- cluded by saying that he got the girl. And we be- lieve all sensible fathers would sooner bestow their daughters upon industrious, energetic young men who are not afraid of days' work than upon idle loungers with a fortune at their command. AN ENGAGEMENT RING. After the engagement is made between the couple and ratified by the parents, it is customary in polite society for the young man to affix the seal of this engagement by some present to his affianced. This present is usually a ring, and among the wealthy it may be of diamonds a solitaire or cluster and as expensive as the young man's means will justify. The ring is not necessarily a diamond one; it may be of other stones or it may be an heirloom in his family, precious more because of its associations an- tiquity and quaintness than from its actual money- value. All lovers cannot afford to present their lady-loves with diamond rings, but all are able to give them some little token of their regard which will be cher- ished for their sakes, and which will serve as a me- mento of a very happy past to the end of life. The engagement ring should "be worn upon the ring finger of the right hand. 236 CO URTSHIP AND MARRIA GE. THE RELATIONS OP AN ENGAGED COUPLE. Neither should assume a masterful or jealous at- titude toward the other. They are neither of them to be shut up away from the rest of the world, but must mingle in society after marriage nearly the same as before, and take the same delight in friend- ship. The fact that they have confessed their love to each other ought to be deemed a sufficient guar- antee of faithfulness; for the rest let there be trust and confidence. DEMONSTRATIONS OF AFFECTION. It may be well to hint that a lady should not be too demonstrative of her affection during the days of her engagement. There is always the chance of a slip 'twixt the cup and the lip; and overt demon- strations of love are not pleasant to remember by a young lady if the man to whom they are given by any chance fails to become her husband. An honorable man will never tempt his future bride to any such demonstration. He will always maintain a respectful and decorous demeanor to- ward her. KEEPING LATE HOURS. Very few young men comprehend the real pain and inconvenience they occasion to the lady of their choice when they keep her up to untoward hours, CO URTSHIP AND MARItIA GE. 237 and subject her, in consequence, to the ridicule and censure of others. It is not inappropriate to sometimes leave an en- gaged couple by themselves, but that they should always be so left, under all circumstances and no matter at what inconvenience to others, is as absurd as it is indelicate. A DOMINEERING LOVER. No lover will assume a domineering attitude over his future wife. If he does so, she will do well to escape from his thrall before she becomes his wife in reality. A domineering lover will be certain to be still more domineering as a husband; and from all such the prayer of wise women is, "Good Lord, deliver us!" BREAKING AN ENGAGEMENT. "Sometimes it is necessary to break off an engage- ment. Many circumstances will justify this. In- deed, anything which may occur or be discovered which shall promise to render the marriage an un- suitable or unhappy one is and should be accepted as justification for such a rupture. Still breaking an engagement is always a serious and distressing thing, and ought not to be contemplated without absolute and just reasons. Whichever is the acting party in the matter must necessarily feel his or her position one of great deli- cacy and embarrassment. The step must be taken 238 COURTSHIP AND firmly yet gently, and everything done to soften the blow to the other party. BREAKING AN ENGAGEMENT BY LETTER. It is generally best to break an engagement by letter. By this means one can express himself or herself more clearly, and give the true reasons for his or her course much better than in a personal in- terview. The letter breaking the engagement should be accompanied by everything in the way of portraits, letters or gifts which have been received during the engagement. ACKNOWLEDGING SUCH LETTER. Such a letter should be acknowledged in a dig- nified manner, and no efforts should be made or measures be taken to change the decision of the writer unless it is manifest that he or she is greatly mistaken in his or her premises. A simi- lar return of letters, portraits and gifts should be made." THE MARRIAGE CEREMONY. The marriage ceremony varies with the fortunes and wishes of those interested. In regard to the form of the rite, no specific direc- tions are necessary ; for those who are to be married by ministers, will study the form of their particular church the Methodists their "Book of Discipline," the Episcopalians their "Book of Common Prayer/' CO tiRTS&IP AND MARRIA Gfi. 239 the Catholics their Ritual, etc., etc. In most cases a rehearsal of the ceremony is made in private, that the pair may the more perfectly understand the ne- cessary forms. If the parties are to be wedded by a magistrate, the ceremony is almost nominal it is a mere repetition of a vow. The Catholic and Epis- copal forms have the most ceremony, and doubtless are the most impressive, though no more effectual- ly marrying than the simplest form. GENERAL RULES. There are, however; some generally received rules which govern this momentous and interesting occa- sion, and to these we refer all interested. When the wedding is not strictly in private, it is customary for bridesmaids and groomsmen to be chosen to assist in the duties of the occasion. The bridesmaids should be youngerHhan the bride; their dresses should be conformed to hers; they should not be any more expensive, though they are permitted more ornament. They are generally chos- en of light, graceful material; flowers are the princi- pal decoration. The bride's dress is marked by simplicity. But few jewels or ornaments should be worn, and those should be the gift of the bridegroom or parents. A veil and garland are the distinguishing features of the dress. The bridesmaids assist in dressing the bride, re- ceiving the company, etc.; and, at the time of the 240 CO URTSHIP AND MARRIA OE. ceremony, stand at her left side, the first bridesmaid holding the bouquet and gloves. The groomsmen receive the clergyman, present him to the couple to be married, and support the bridegroom upon the right, during the ceremony. CONGRATULATIONS AFTER THE CEREMONY. If it is an evening wedding, at home immediately after "these twain are made one," they are congrat- ulated: first by the relatives, then by the friends, re- ceiving the good wishes of all; after which, they are at liberty to leave their formal position, and mingle with the company. The dresses, supper, etc., are usually more festive and gay than for a morning wedding and reception, where the friends stop for a few moments only, to congratulate the newly-mar ried pair, taste the cake and wine and hurry away. CEREMONY IN CHURCH. When the ceremony is performed in church, the bride enters at the left, with her father, mother, and bridesmaids; or, at all events, with a bridesmaid. The groom enters at the right, folio wed by his attend- ants. The parents stand behind, the attendants at either side. The bride should be certain that her glove is read- ily removable; the groom, that the ring is where he can find it, to avoid delay and embarrassment. CO UR TSHIP AND MARRIA GE. 241 LEAVING THE CHURCH. When they leave the church, the newly-married couple walk arm-in-arm. They have usually a re- ception of a couple of hours at home, for their inti- mate friends, then a breakfast, then leave upon the "bridal tour." MARRIAGE-FEES. A rich man may give to the officiating clergyman any sum from five dollars to five hundred, according as his liberality dictates. A person of moderate means may give from five dollars to twenty. LET JOY BE UNCONFINED. On such festive occasions, all appear in their best attire, and assume their best manners. Peculiari- ties that pertain to past days, or have been unwarily adopted, should be guarded against; mysteries con- cerning knives, forks, and plates, or throwing "an old shoe" after the bride, are highly reprehensible, and have long been exploded. Such practices may seem immaterial, but they are not so. Stranger guests often meet at a wedding breakfast ; and the good breeding of the family may be somewhat com- promised by neglect in small things. THE WEDDING BREAKFAST. If the lady appears at breakfast, which is certainly desirable, she occupies, with her husband, the center 242 COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. of the table, and sits by his side her father and mother taking the top and bottom, and showing all honor to their guests. When the cake has been cut, and every one is helped when, too, the health of the bride and bridegroom has been drunk, and every compliment and kind wish has been duly proffered and acknowledged the bride, attended by her friends, withdraws; and when ready for her depar- ture the newly-married couple start off on their wed- ding journey, generally about two or three o'clock, and the rest of the company shortly afterward take their leave. SENDING CARDS. In some circles it is customary to send cards almost immediately to friends and relations, mentioning at what time and hour the newly-married couple ex- pect to be called upon. Some little inconvenience occasionally attends this custom, as young people may wish to extend their wedding tour beyond the time first mentioned, or, if they go abroad, delays may unavoidably occur. It is therefore better to postpone sending cards, for a short time at least. WEDDING CARDS. Fashions change continually with regard to wed- ding cards. A few years since they were highly or- namented, and fantastically tied together; now sil- ver-edged cards are fashionable; but, unquestiona- bly, the plainer and more unostentatious a wedding COUETSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 243 card, the more becoming and appropriate it will be. No one to whom a wedding-card has not been sent ought to call upon a newly-married couple. CALLING- ON A NEWLY-MAKRIED COUPLE. When the days named for seeing company arrive, remember to be punctual. Call, if possible, the first day, but neither before nor after the appointed hour. Wedding-cake and wine are handed round, of which every one partakes, and each expresses some kindly wish for the happiness of the newly-married couple. A JOYOUS PERIOD. Taking possession of their home by young people is always a joyous period. The depressing influence of a wedding breakfast, where often the hearts of many are sad, is not felt, and every one looks for- ward to years of prosperity and happiness. PROFESSIONAL CALL WHILE RECEIVING CALLS. If the gentleman is in a profession, and it hap- pens that he cannot await the arrival of such as call according to invitation on the wedding-card, an apol- ogy aust be made, and, if possible, an old friend of the 1 imily should represent him. A bride must on no iccount receive her visitors without a mother, or sister, or some friend being present, not even if her husband is at home. This is imperative. To do otherwise is to disregard the visages of society. 244 CO URTSHIP AND MARRIA GJE. RETURNING WEDDING VISITS. "Wedding visits must be returned during the course of a few days, and parties are generally made for the newly-married couple, which they are expected to return. This does not, however, necessarily entail much visiting; neither is it expected from young people, whose resources may be somewhat limited, or when the husband has to make his way in the world. THE HOME. CHAPTER 18. F the home is graced and sweetened with kindness and smiles, no mat- ter how humble the abode, the heart, will turn lovingly toward it from all the tumult of the world, and it will be the dearest spot be- neath the circuit of the sun. A single bitter word may disquiet an entire family for a whole day. One surly glance casts a gloom over the household, while a smile, like a gleam of sunshine, may light up the darkest and weari- est hours. Like unexpected flowers which spring up along our path, full of freshness, fragrance and beauty, do kind words and gentle acts and sweet dispositions, make glad the home where peace and blessing dwell. The influences of home perpetuate themselves. The gentle grace of the mother lives in the daughter long after her head is pillowed in the dust of death ; and the fatherly kindness feels its echo in the nobility and courtesy of sons, who come to wear his mantle and fill his place; while on the other hand, from an unhappy, misgoverned, and disordered home go forth persons who shall make other homes miserable, and perpetuate the sourness and sadness, the contentions and strifes and railings which have made their early lives so wretched and distorted. 245 246 THE HOME. Toward the cheerful home the children gather " as clouds and as doves to their windows," while from the home which is the abode of discontent and strife and trouble they fly forth as vultures to rend their prey. The class of men who disturb and distress the world are not those born and nurtured amid the hal- lowed influences of Christian homes; but rather those whose early life has been a scene of trouble and vexation who have started wrong in the pilgrimage, and whose course is one of disaster to themselves and trouble to those around them. An ideal home must first have a government, but love must be the dictator. All the members should unite to make home happy. We should have light in our homes, heaven's own pure, transparent light. It matters not whether home is clothed in blue and purple, if it is only brim-full of love, smiles and gladness. Our boards should be spread with everything good and enjoyable. We should have birds, flowers, pets, everything suggestive of sociability. Flowers are as indispensable to the perfections of the home as to the perfections of the plant. Do not give them all the sunniest windows and pleasantest corners, crowding out the children. Of the ornamentation about a house, although a broad lake lends a charm to the scenery, it cannot compare with the babbliug brook. As the little streamlet goes tumbling over the rocks, and along the THE HOME. 247 shallow, pebbly bed, it may be a marvelous teacher to the children, giving them lessons of enterprise and perseverance. In our homes we must have industry and sym- pathy. In choosing amusements for the children, the latter element must be brought in. To fully under- stand the little ones, you must sympathize with them. When a child asks questions, don't meet it with, " Oh, don't bother me." Tell it all it wants to know. Never let your anger rise, no matter how much you may be tried. For full and intelligent happiness in the home circle, a library of the best works is necessary. Do not introduce the milk and water fiction pf the pre- sent da} 7 , but books of character. Oar homes should have their Sabbath and their family altars. Around these observances cling many of the softest and most sacred memories of our lives. A celebrated observer of American life recently remarked to us that a great change had come in the last ten years to the home-life of the country. One point which he made was, that a great many games of skill were being played in New England homes to- day which were not known, or, if known, were for- bidden by parents ten years ago. Chess, within the past few years, has won a high place in the popular regard. It speaks well for a people when such an intellectual game can become popular. For it takes brains to play chess even moderately well, and none but clever and thoughtful people would ever like it. 248 THE HOME. Checkers are not perhaps more universal, but they are more fashionable. They have fought their way into high life, and whereas they once found their friends in the village tavern and in the farmer's kitchen, they are now admitted into the parlors of the wealthy and refined. The games played with histori- cal cards are also numerous, and many of them pleasantly exciting, and yon find them in almost every household. Now this is all very pleasant and hopeful. It reveals to the thinker the fact that home- life is more vivacious and happy than it used to be ; that the long, dull evenings are being enlivened with sprightly and stimulating amusements, and that the home circle is charged with attractions which it once sadly lacked. These games are helping to make the homes of the country hap- pier, helping to make the children more contented with their homes, and in doing this they are helping to make the country more intelligent and more vir- tuous. By wise parents these games are looked upon as God-sends. They solve the problem of home amusements and recreations. A great many homes are like the frame of a harp that stands without strings. In form and outline they suggest music, but no melody rises from the empty spaces; and thus it happens that home is unat- tractive, dreary and dull. Among home amusements, the best is the old- fashioned habit of conversation ; the talking over the events of the day, in bright and quick play of wit and THE HOME. 249 fancy ; the story that brings the laugh, and the speak- ing the good and kind and true things which all have in their hearts. It is not so much by dwelling upon what members of the family have in common, as bringing each to the other something interesting and amusing, that home-life is to be made cheerful and joyous. Each one must do his part to make conver- sation genial and happy. We are too ready to con- verse with newspapers and books, to seek some companion at the store, hotel or club-room, and to forget that home is anything more than a place in which to sleep and eat. Conversation in many cases is just what prevents many people from relapsing into utter selfishness at their own firesides. This is the truest and best amusement . it is the healthy education of great and noble characters. There is the freedom, the breadth, the joyousness of natural life. The time spent thus by parents, in the higher entertainment of their children, bears a harvest of eternal blessings, and these long evenings furnish just the time. j.t has been said that a " man's manners form his fortune." Whether this be really so or not, it is certain that his manners form his reputation stamp upon him, as it were, his current worth in the circles where he moves. If his manners are the product of a kind heart, they will please, though they be destitute of graceful polish. There is scarcely anything of more importance to a child of either sex than good breeding. If parents and teachers perform their 250 THE HOME. duties to the young faithfully, there will be compara- tively few destitute of good manners. Visit a family where the parents are civil and courteous toward all within their household, whether as dwellers or as guests, and their children will have good manners just as they learn to talk from imita- tion. But reverse the order of things concerning the parents, and the children learn ill manners, just as in the former case they learn good manners, by imita- tion. Train children to behave at home as you would have them act abroad. It is almost certain that they, while children, conduct themselves abroad as they would have been in the habit of doing under like cir- cumstances when at home. " Be courteous," is an apostolic injunction which all should ever remember and obey. Cherish the spirit of kindly affection. Let the love of childhood find a return, never repulsing the confiding tenderness every child displays when sur- rounded by kindly influences. Remember how much of the joy of life flows from sympathetic mingling of congenial spirits, and seek to bind such to you closer and closer with the golden links of affection's easy bondage. Cultivate singing in your family. Begin when the child is not yet three years old. The songs and hymns your childhood sang, bring them all back to your memory, and teach them to your little ones ; mix them all together to meet the varying moods, as THE HOME. 251 in after life they come over you so mysteriously at times. Many a time, in the very whirl of business, in the sunshine and gayety of the avenue, amid the splendor of the drive in the park, some little thing wakes up the memories of early youth the old mill, the cool spring, the shady tree by the little school- house and the next instant we almost see again the ruddy cheeks, the smiling faces and the merry eyes of schoolmates, some of whom are gray-headed now, while most have passed from amid earth's weary noises. And anon, "the song my mother sang" springs unbidden to the lips, and soothes and sweet- ens all these memories. At other times, amid the crushing mishaps of business, a merry ditty of the olden time breaks in upon the ugly train of thought, and throws the mind in another channel ; light breaks from behind the cloud in the sky, and new courage is given us. The honest man goes gladly to his work ; and when the day's labor is done, his tools laid aside and he is on his way home, where wife and child, and the tidy table and cheery fireside await him, how can he but have music in his heart to break forth so often into the merry whistle or the jocund song ? Moody silence, not the merry song, weighs down the dishonest tradesman, the perfidious clerk, the unfaithful servant, the perjured partner. OUR GIRLS. Girls, and especially those who are members of large families, have much influence at home, where 252 THE HOME. brothers delight in their sisters, and where parents look fondly down on their dear daughters, and pray that their example may influence the boys for good. Girls have much in their power with regard to those boys; they have it in their power to make them gentler, purer, truer, to give them higher opinions of women ; to soften their manners and ways, to tone down rough places and shape sharp, angular corners. All this, to be done well, must be done by imper- ceptibly influencing them and giving them an example of the gentleness and purity, the politeness and ten- derness we wish them to emulate. When we see boys careless to their elders, rude in manner and coarse in speech, and we know that they have sisters, we often, and I think with reason, conclude that there must be something wrong, and that the sisters are not trying to make them bertter boys, but leaving things alone, letting them go their own course. Per- haps their excuse would be that they were too much occupied themselves, and that their own studies and pursuits prevented them from being able to pay much attention to their brothers; and " boys will be boys," you know. By all means, let boys be boys. I, for one, regard boys too highly to wish them to be otherwise ; but the roughness and coarseness and rudeness of which I speak are not necessary ingre- dients of boyhood ; and it is you, their sisters, who must prove that they are not. Interest yourselves in their pursuits, show them, by every means in your TEE HOME. 253 power, that you do not consider them and their doings beneath 'your notice ; spare an hour from your practicing, from your drawing, from your languages, for their boating or sports, and don't turn contemptuously away from the books and amusements in which they delight, as if, though good enough for them, they are immeasurably below you. Try this behavior, girls, for a short time ; it will not harm you, and will benefit them greatly. You will soon find how a gentle word will turn off a sharp answer ; how a grieved look will effectually reprove an unfit- ting expression ; how gratefully a small kindness will be received, and how unbounded will be the power for good you will obtain by a continuance of this conduct. Equally great will a girl's influence be on her younger sisters, in whose eyes she is the perfection of grace and goodness, in whose thoughts she is ever present. Beautiful, exceedingly beautiful, is the close friendship between an older and a younger sister ; but let the elder beware of the influence she exerts. If she herself be careless, frivolous, undutiful and irreligious, the child will inevitably be so, unless the fatal influence be counteracted by some other holier one. If she gives sharp answers, or shows but little regard for truth, let her not be astonished if the little one be ill-tempered and untruthful, and sorrowful will be the conviction that she has had not a little to do with making her so. 254 THE HOME. In school, too, a girl of determined, resolute char- acter, will soon take the lead and acquire a certain influence. School-girls are gregarious, and follow naturally any one who is stronger minded and more decided. When the influence is exercised to elevate the young minds, and give them higher and nobler aspirations, it is a salutary and beneficial effect of school life ; but when it is otherwise, it is a very sad one. Two or three older girls in a school, having a noble object in view, steadily endeavoring to do right, act- ing quietly and without ostentation, but seeking humbly to follow in the footsteps Christ has marked out for us, may do an immense amount of good. "A little leaven leaveneth the whole lump." BOYS. A boy may be spoiled about as easily as a girl, by injudicious training. No, we take that back much easier. In the first place, then, by leading him to depend upon his sisters. Who has not seen the spoiled boy in the man who could not arrange his tie without calling his wife from the breakfast-table to help him ? or put on his coat without she held the sleeves ? or get a drop of hot water when the kettle was right before him ? Another way to spoil a boy is to pick up after him. We hold that there is as much need of neat habits in a boy as in .the gentler sex ; and this idea of gather- ing the coat from the sofa, the vest from the rocking- chair, the boots from the hearth-rug, the collar from THE HOME. 255 the table, and the neck-cloth from nobody knows where, is perfectly and superlatively ridiculous. Again, why is the boy allowed to use coarse, indel- icate expressions that, from the lips of a girl, would call forth well-merited rebuke ? Should the mind of man be made of coarse material because he is expected to jostle his way through the rude elements of human nature ? That is not the law of the machinist who controls dumb matter. Though one engine may be ponderous and massive, destined for the roughest work, and another delicate and complicated, there is the same smoothness of material in both the same polish, the same nice finish. A boy will most surely be spoiled if led to think he can commit offences against morals, which by the parents are considered only masculine not criminal. Another wrong; thing is to bring a boy up for a profession, will he nill he. Some parents have a re- spectable horror for dirt, and cannot think of soiled hands and a trade with any degree of complacency. Therefore the world is burdened with burdens to themselves, in the shape of lawyers, doctors, etc., who are too poor to live and too poor to die in comfort. Finally, the surest way to spoil a boy is not to instil into his very soul, from the tima he is an infant, a true reverence for woman, a regard for her virtue as aacred as the love he bears his mother. .Never let her name be trifled with in his presence, or her ac- tions interpreted loosely, else you may hereafter share the disgrace of having given to the world a 256 THE HOME. curse more corrupting than all others a heartless libertine. Most boys go through a period when they have great need of patient love at home. They are awk- ward and clumsy, sometimes strangely willful and perverse, and they are desperately conscious of them- selves, and very sensitive to the least word of censure or effort at restraint. Authority frets them. They are leaving childhood, but they have not yet reached the sober good sense of manhood. They are an easy prey to the tempter and the sophist. Perhaps they adopt skeptical views from sheer desire to prove that they are independent and can do their own thinking. Now is the mother's hour. Her boy needs her now more than when he lay in his cradle. Her finer insight and serener faith may hold him fast and prevent him from drifting into dangerous courses. At all events there is very much that only a mother can do for her son, and that a son can receive only from his mother in the critical period of which we are speaking. It is well for him if she has kept the freshness and brightness of her youth, so that she can now be his companion and friend, as well as instructor. We know not half the power, for good or ill, Our daily lives possess o'er one another; A careless word may help a soul to kill, Or by one look we may redeem our brother. 'Tis not the great things that we do or say, But idle words forgot as soon as spoken; The little, thoughtless cleeda of every day Are stumbling-blocks on which the weak are broken. DOMESTIC ETIQUETTE AND DUTIES. CHAPTER 19. HOME, as well as a larger community, should be regu- ulated by well-defined cus- toms. Said the Vicar of Wakefield about his family life: "We all assembled early, and after we had saluted each other with proper ceremony (for I always thought fit to keep up some mechanical forms of good breeding, without which, freedom ever destroys friendship), we all knelt in gratitude to that Being who gave us another day. So also when we parted for the night." We earnestly recommend that the precepts and example of the good old Vicar should be followed and adopted by every newly-married couple. With regard to the first, the courtesies of society should never be omitted, in even the most trivial matters; and as respects the second", what blessing can be reasonably expected to descend upon a house wherein the voice of thanksgiving is never heard, nor yet protection sought by its acknowledged head ! 257 258 DOMESTIC ET1Q, UETTE AND D UTIES. DUTIES OF THE WIFE. On the wife especially devolves the privilege and pleasure of rendering home happy. We shall, there- fore, speak of such duties and observances as per- tain to her. When a young wife first settles in her home, many excellent persons, with more zeal, it may be, than discretion, immediately propose that she should de- vote some of her leisure time to charitable purposes: such, for instance, as clothing societies for the poor, or schools, or district visiting. We say with all earn- estnes to our young friend, engage in nothing of the kind, however laudable, without previously consult- ing your husband, and obtaining his full concur- rence. Carefully avoid, also, being induced by any specious arguments to attend evening lectures, un- less he accompanies you. Remember that your Heavenly Father, who has given you a home to dwell in, requires from you a right performance of its duties. Win your husband, by all gentle appli- ances, to love religion; but do not, for the sake even of a privilege and a blessing, leave him to spend his evenings alone. Look often on your marriage ring and remember the sacred vows taken by you when the ring was given; such thoughts will go far toward allaying many of these petty vexations which cir- cumstances call forth. DOMESTIC ETiq UETTE AND D UTIES. 259 AVOID ALL CAUSES FOR COMPLAINT. Never let your husband have cause to complain that you are more agreeable abroad than at home; nor permit him to see in you an object of admiration as respects your dress and manners, when in com- pany, while you are negligent of both in the domes- tic circle. Many an unhappy marriage has been oc- casioned by neglect in these particulars. Nothing can be more senseless than the conduct of a young woman, who seeks to be admired in general society for her politeness and engaging manners, or skill in music, when, at the same time, she makes no effort to render her home attractive; and yet that home whether a palace or a cottage, is the very centre of her being the nucleus around which her affections should revolve, and beyond which she has compara- tively small concern. BEWARE OF CONFIDANTS. Beware of intrusting any individual whatever with small annoyances, or misunderstandings, be- tween your husband and yourself, if they unhappily occur. Confidants are dangerous persons, and many seek to obtain an ascendency in families by gaining the good opinion of young married women. Be on your guard, and reject every overture that may lead to undesirable intimacy. Should any one presume to offer you advice with regard to your husband, or seek to lessen him by insinuations, shun that per- son as you would a serpent. Many a happy home 260 DOMESTIC ETIQUETTE AND DUTIES. has been rendered desolate by exciting coolness or suspicion, or by endeavors to gain importance in an artful and insidious manner. REGARDING MONEY MATTERS. In all money matters, act openly and honorably Keep your accounts with the most scrupulous exact- ness, and let your husband see that you take an hon- est pride in rightly appropriating the money which he intrusts to you. "My husband works hard for every dollar that he earns," said a young married lady, the wife of a professional man, to a friend who found her busily employed in sewing buttons on her husbanu'o coat, "and it seems to me worse than cruel to lay out a dime unnecessarily." Be very careful also, that you do not spend more than can be afford- ed in dress; and be satisfied with such carpets and curtains in your drawing-room as befit a moderate fortune, or professional income. How TO KEEP A HOME. Natural ornaments, and flowers tastefully arrang- ed, give an air of elegance to a room in which the furniture is far from costly; and books judiciously placed, uniformly produce a good effect. A sensible woman will always seek to ornament her home, and to render it attractive, more especially as this is the taste of the present day. The power of association is very great; light, and air, and elegance, are im- portant in their effects. No wife acts wisely who per- D OMESTIC ETiq UETTE AND D UTIE8. 261 mits her sitting-room to look dull in the eyes of him whom she ought especially to please, and with whom she has to pass her days. AVOID CONCEALMENT. In middle life, instances frequently occur of con- cealment with regard to money concerns; thus, for instance, a wife wishes to possess an article of dress which is too costly for immediate purchase, or a piece of furniture liable to the same objection. She accordingly makes an agreement with a seller, and there are many who call regularly at houses when the husband is absent on business, and who receive whatever the mistress of the house can spare from her expenses. A book is kept by the seller, in which payments are entered; but a duplicate is never re- tained by the wife, and therefore she has no check whatever. We have known an article of dress paid for in this manner, far above its value, and have heard a poor young woman, who hasbeenthus duped say to a lady, who remonstrated with her: "Alas! what can I do? I dare not tell my husband." It may be that the same system, though differing ac- cording to circumstances, is pursued in a superior class of life. We have reason to think that it is so, and therefore affectionately warn our young sisters to beware of making purchases that require con- cealment. Be content with such things as you can honorably afford, and such as your husbands ap- prove. You can then wear them with every feeling 262 DOMESTIC ETIQ UETTE AND D UTIES. of self-satisfaction, and have a contented mind. AVOID ALL BICKERINGS. Before dismissing this part of our subject, we be- seech you to avoid all bickerings. What does it sig- nify where a picture hangs, or whether a rose or a pink looks best on the drawing-room table? There is something inexpressibly endearing in small con- cessions, in gracefully giving up a favorite opinion, or in yielding to the will of another; and equally painful is the reverse. The mightiest rivers have their source in streams; the bitterest domestic mise- ry has often arisen from some trifling difference of opinion. If, by chance you marry a man of hasty temper, great discretion is required. Much willing- ness, too, and prayer for strength to rule your own spirit are necessary. Three instances occur to us, in which, ladies have knowingly married men of exceedingly violent tempers, and yet have lived happily. The secret of their happiness consisted in possessing a perfect command over themselves, and in seeking, by every possible means, to prevent their husbands from committing themselves in their pres- ence. BECOMING CONDUCT FOR A WIFE. Lastly, renie. ociber your standing as a lady, and never approve a. mean action, nor speak an unre- fined word; let all your conduct be such as an hon- orable and right-minded man may look for in his DOMESTIC ETiq UETTE AND D UTIES. 263 wife, and the mother of his children. The slightest duplicity destroys confidence. The least want of re- finement in conversation, or in the selection of books lowers a woman, ay, and forever ! Follow these few simple precepts, and they shall prove to you of more worth than rubies; neglect them, and you will know what sorrow is. They apply to every class of socie- ty, in every place where man has fixed his dwelling; and to the woman who duly observes them may be given the beautiful commendation of Solomon, when recording the words which the mother of King Le- muel taught him : SOLOMON'S DESCRIPTION OP A WOMAN. "The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her; she will do him good, and not evil, all the days of her life. Strength and honor are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her." Prov. xxxi. DUTIES OF A HUSBAND. We shall now address ourselves exclusively to our brethren; to them who have taken upon themselves the sacred and comprehensive names of husband and of master, who have formed homes to dwell in and have placed therein, as their companions through life's pilgrimage, gentle and confiding ones who have left for them all that was heretofore most dear, and whom they have sworn to love and to cherish. 264 DOMESTIC JET1Q UETTE AND D UTIES. THINGS TO REMEMBER. Remember that you have now, as a married man a very different standing in society from the one which you previously held, and that the happiness of another is committed to your charge. Render, therefore, your home happy by kindness and atten- tion to your wife, and carefully watch over your words and actions. If small disputes arise, and your wife has not sufficient good sense to yield her opinion; nay, if she even seems determined to have her own way, and that tenaciously, do not get angry; rather be silent and let the matter rest. An oppor- tunity will soon occur of speaking affectionately, yet decidedly, on the subject, and much good will be effected. Master your own temper, and you will soon master your wife's; study her happiness without yielding to any caprices, and you will have no rea- son to regret your self-control. ACCOMPANY YOUR WIFE TO CHURCH. Never let your wife go to church alone on Sunday. You can hardly do a worse thing as regards her good opinion of you, and the well being of your household. It is a pitiable sight to see a young wife going toward the church-door unattended, alone in the midst of a crowd, with her thoughts dwelling, it may be very sadly, on the time when you were proud to walk beside her. Remember that the con- dition of a young bride is often a very solitary one; DOMESTIC ETiq UETTE AND D UTIES. 265 and that for your sake she has left her parent's roof, and the companionship of her brothers and sisters. If you are a pxufessional man, your wife may have to live in the neighborhood of a large city, where she scarcely knows any one, and without those agree- able domestic occupations, or young associ . among whom she had grown up. Her garden and poultry-yard are hers no longer, and the day passes without the light of any smile but yours. You go off, most probably after breakfast, to your business or profession, and do not return till a late dinner; perhaps even not then, if you are much occupied, or have to keep up professional connections. It seems unmanly, certainly most unkind, to let your young wife go to church on Sunday without you, for the common-place satisfaction of lounging at home. A BREACH OF DOMESTIC ETIQUETTE. To act in this manner is certainly a breach of do- mestic etiquette. Sunday is the only day in which you can enable her to forget her father's house, and the pleasant associations of her girlhood days in which you can pay her those attentions which pre- vent all painful comparisons as regards the past. Sunday is the day of rest, wisely and mercifully ap- pointed to loose the bonds by which men are held to the world; let it be spent by you as becomes the head of a family. Let no temptation ever induce you to wish your wife to relinquish attending Di- vine service, merely that she may "idle at home 266 DOMESTIC ETIQ UETTE AND D UTIES. with you." Religion is her safeguard amid the tri- als or temptations of this world, And woe may foe to you if you seek to withdraw her from its protec- tion! YOUR WIFE INTO YOUR CONFIDENCE. Much perplexity in the marriage state often arises from want of candor. Men conceal their affairs, and expect their wives to act with great economy, without assigning any reason why such should be the case; but the husband ought frankly to tell his wife the real amount of his income; for, unless this is done, she cannot properly regulate her expenses. They ought then to consult together as to the sum that can be afforded for housekeeping, which should be rather below than above the mark. LET HER MANAGE HER OWN AFFAIRS. When this is arranged he will find it advantage- ous to give into her hands, either weekly, monthly, or quarterly, the sum that is appropriated for daily expenditure, and above all things to avoid interfer- ing without absolute necessity. The home depart- ment belongs exclusively to the wife; the province of the husband is to rule the house hers to regu- late its internal movements. True it is, that some inexperienced young creatures know but little of household concerns. If this occur, have patience, and do not become pettish or illhumored. If too much money is laid out at first, give advice, kind- D OMESTIC ETiq UETTE AND D UTIES. 267 ly and firmly, and the young wife will soon learn how to perform her new duties. AVOID UNNECESSARY INTERFERENCE. No good ever yet resulted, or ever will result from unnecessary interference. If a man unhappily mar- ries an incorrigible simpleton, or spendthrift, he can- not help himself. Such, however, is rarely the case. Let a man preserve his own position, and assist his wife to do the same; all things will then move to- gether, well and harmoniously. BE ALWAYS READY TO PRAISE. Much sorrow, and many heart-burnings, may be avoided by judicious conduct in the outset of life. Husbands should give their wives all confidence. They have intrusted to them their happiness, and should never suspect them of desiring to waste their money. Whenever a disposition is manifested to do right, express your approbation. Be pleased with trifles, and commend efforts to excel on every fitting occasion. If your wife is diffident, encourage her, and -avoid seeing small mistakes. It is unreasona- ble to add to the embarrassments of her new condi- tion, by ridiculing her deficiencies. AVOID COMPARISONS. Forbear extolling the previous management of your mother or your sisters. Many a wife has been alienated from her husband's family, and many an 268 DOMESTIC ETIQ UETTE AND D UTIES. affectionate heart has been deeply wounded by such injudicious conduct; and, as a sensible woman will always pay especial attention to the relations of her husband, and entertain them with affectionate polite- ness, the husband on his part should always cordial- ly receive and duly attend to her relations. The re- verse of this, on either side, is often productive of unpleasant feelings. CONCLUSION. Lastly, we recommend every young married man, who wishes to render his home happy, to consider his wife as the light of his domestic circle, and to permit no clouds, however small, to obscure the re- gion in which she presides. Most women are natur- ally amiable, gentle and complying; and if a wife becomes perverse and indifferent to her home, it is generally her husband's fault. He may have neg- lected her happiness; but nevertheless it is unwise in her to retort, and, instead of faithfully reflecting the brightness that still may shine upon her, to give back the dusky and cheerless hue which saddens her existence. Be not selfish, but complying in small things. If your wife dislikes cigars and few young women like to have their clothes tainted by tobacco leave off smoking; for it is at best, an ungentle- manly and dirty habit. If your wife asks you to read to her, do not put your feet upon a chair and go to sleep. If she is fond of music, accompany her as you were wont when you sought her for a bride. DOMESTIC ETIQ UETTE AND D UTIE8. 269 The husband may say that he is tired, and does not like music, or reading aloud. This may occasionally be true, and no amiable woman will ever desire her husband to do what would really weary him. We, however, recommend a young man to practice some- what of self-denial, and to remember that no one acts with a due regard to his own happiness who lays aside, when married, those gratifying attentions which he was ever ready to pay the lady of his love; or those rational sources of home enjoyment which made her look forward with a bounding heart to be- come his companion through life. Etiquette is a comprehensive term; and its obser- vances are nowhere more to be desired than in the domestic circle. TABLE ETIQUETTE. CHAPTER 20. ^ HERE the corps of servants is large, so that the arrange- ments of the day are not disturbed thereby, it is cus- tomary to let the members of the family breakfast at their own proper hour. Each one comes in without ceremony whenever it pleases him or her to do so. In smaller households a good deal of inconvenience would attend such a course, and it is well to insist upon punctuality at a reasonable hour. Nevertheless, at this first meal of the day a certain amount of freedom is allowed which would be unjustifiable at any other time. The head of the house may read his morning paper, and the other members of the family may look over their corre- spondence if they choose. And each may rise and leave the table when business or pleasure dictates, without waiting for a general signal. 270 TABLE ETiq UETTE. 271 THE BREAKFAST-TABLE. The breakfast-table should be simply decorated, yet it may be made extremely attractive, with its snowy cloth and napkins, its array of glass, and its ornamentation of flowers and fruit. Queen Victoria has set the fashion of placing the whole loaf of bread upon the table with a knife by its side, leaving the bread to be cut as it is desired. However, the old style of having the bread already cut when it is placed upon the table will still recom- mend itself to many. In eating, bread must always be broken, never cut, and certainly not bitten. Fruit should be served in abundance at the break- fast-table. There is an old adage which declares that "fruit is golden in the morning, silver at noon and leaden at night." GENERAL RULES FOR BEHAVIOR AT TABLE. Tea and coffee should never be poured into a saucer. If a person wishes to be served with more tea or coffee, he should place his spoon in the saucer. If he has had sufficient, let it remain in the cup. If anything unpleasant is found in the food, such as a hair in the bread or a fly in the coffee, remove it without remark. Though your own appetite be spoiled, it is well not to spoil that of others. Never if possible, cough or sneeze at the table. If you feel the paroxysm coming on, leave the room. 272 TABLE ETIQUETTE. It may be worth while to know that a sneeze may be stifled by placing the finger firmly upon the up- per lip. Fold your napkin when you are done with it and place it in your ring, when at home. If you are visiting, leave your napkin unfolded beside your plate. Never hold your knife and fork upright on each side of your plate while you are talking. Do not cross your knife and fork upon your plate until you have finished. When you send your plate to be refilled, place your knife and fork upon one side of it or put them upon your piece of bread. Eat neither too fast nor too slow. Never lean back in your chair nor sit too near or too far from the table. Keep your elbows at your side, so that you may not inconvenience your neighbors. Do not find fault with the food. The old-fashioned habit of abstaining from tak- ing the last piece upon the plate is no longer observ- ed. It is to be supposed that the vacancy can be supplied if necessary. If a plate is handed you at table, keep it yourself instead of passing it to a neighbor. If a dish is passed to you, serve yourself first, and then pass it. TABLE JETIQ UETTE. 273 LUNCHEON. Luncheon is a recognized institution in our large cities, where business forbids the heads of families returning to dinner until a late hour. There is much less formality in the serving of lunch than of dinner. Whether it consists of one or more courses, it is all set upon the table at once. When only one or two are to lunch, the repast is ordinarily served upon a tray. DINNER. We have already spoken at some length of cere- monious dinners, so that all we need speak of in this place is the private family dinner. This should al- ways be the social hour of the day. Then parents and children meet together, and the meal should be of such length as to allow of the greatest sociality. Remember the old proverb that "chatted food is half digested." It may not be out of place to quote here an anec- dote from the French, which will illustrate, in most respects, the correct etiquette of the dining-table. The abbe Casson, a professor in the College Maza- rin, and an accomplished litterateur, dined one day at Versailles with the abbe de Radonvilliers, in com- pany with several courtiers and marshals of France. After dinner, when the talk ran upon the etiquette and customs of the table, the abbe Casson boasted of his intimate acquaintance with the best dining- out usages of society. 274 TABL E ETIQ UETTE. The abbe Delille listened to his account of his own good manners for a while, but then interrupted him and offered to wager that at the dinner just served \Q had committed numberless errors or impropri- eties. "How is it possible!" demanded the abbe. "I did exactly like the rest of the company." "Nonsense!" exclaimed the other. "You did a hundred things which no one else did. First, when you sat down at the table, what did you do with your napkin?" "My napkin? Why, just what everybody else did: I unfolded it and fastened it to my button- hole." "Ah, my dear friend," said Delille, "you were the only one of the party who did that. No one hangs his napkin up in that style. They content them- selves with placing it across their knees. And what did you do when you were served to soup?" "Like the others, surely. I took my spoon in my right hand and my fork in the left " "Your fork! Who ever saw any one eat bread out of a soup-plate with a fork before ? After your soup what did you eat?" "A fresh egg." "And what did you do with the shell? "Handed it to the servant." "Without breaking it?" "Yes, without breaking it up, of course." "Ah, my dear abbe, nobody ever eats an egg with- TABLE ETIQUETTE. 275 out breaking the shell afterward," exclaimed Abbe Delille. "And after your egg?" "I asked the abbe Eadonvilliers to send me a piece of the hen near him." "Bless my soul! a piece of the hen? One should never speak of hens out of the hennery. You should have asked for a piece of fowl or chicken. But you say nothing about your manner of asking for wine." "Like the others, I asked for claret and cham- pagne." "Let me inform you that one should always ask for claret wine and champagne wine. But how did you eat your bread?" "Surely I did that properly. I cut it with my knife into small mouthfuls and ate it with my fingers." "Bread should never be cut, but always broken with the fingers. But the coffee how did you man- age that?" "It was rather too hot, so I poured a little of it in- to my saucer and drank it." "Well, then, you committed the greatest error. You should never pour either coffee or tea into your saucer, but always let it cool and drink it from the cup." It is unnecessary to say that the abbe was deeply mortified at his evident ignorance of the usages of polite society. MISCELLANEOUS RULES OF ETIQUETTE, CHAPTER 21. OME contend that mere in- tercourse with the world gives a habit and taste for those modest and obliging observances which consti- tute true politeness; but this is an error. Propriety of deportment is the valu- able result of a knowledge of one's self, and respect for the rights of others ; it is a feeling of the sacrifices which are imposed on self-esteem by our own social relations ; it is, in short, a sacred requirement of har- mony and affection. But the usage of the world is merely the gloss, or rather the imitation of propriety ; and when not based upon sincerity, modesty and courtesy, it consists in being inconstant in everything, and in amusing itself by playing off its feelings and ridicule against the defects and excellencies of others. Thanks to custom it is sufficient, in order to be rec- ognized as amiable, that he who is the subject of a malicious pleasantry may laugh as well as the author of it. 276 MISCELLANEO US R ULES 277 PRESENTS AMONG FRIENDS. Among friends, presents ought to be made of things of small value; or, if valuable, their worth should be derived from the style of the workman- ship, or from some accidental circumstance, rather than from the inherent and solid richness. Especi- ally never offer to a lady a gift of great cost: it is in the highest degree indelicate, and looks as if you were desirous of placing her under an obligation to you, and of buying her good will. The gifts made by ladies to gentlemen are of the most refined na- ture possible: they should be little articles not pur- chased, but deriving a priceless value as being the offspring of their gentle skill; a little picture from their pencil, or a trifle from their needle. PRESENTS TO MARRIED LADIES. Unmarried ladies should not accept presents from gentlemen to whom they are neither related nor en- gaged. A married lady may occasionally accept a present from a gentleman who is indebted to her for hospitality. PRESENTS BY MARRIED LADIES. Presents made by a married lady to a gentleman should be in the name of both herself and her hus- band. Never make a gift which is really beyond or out of proportion to your means. For you may be sure 278 MISCELLANEOUS RULES the recipient is thinking, even if he have the good breeding to say nothing, that you had best kept it yourself. PRAISING PRESENTS. If you make a present, and it is praised by the receiver, you should not yourself commence under- valuing it. If one is offered to you, always accept it; and however small it may be, receive it with civil and expressed thanks, without any kind of af- fectation. Avoid all such deprecatory phrases, as "I fear I rob you," etc. MAKING PARADE. A present should be made with as little parade arid ceremony as possible. If it is a small matter, a gold pencil-case, a thimble to a lady, or an affair of that sort, it should not be offered formally, but in an indirect way, left in her basket, or slipped on to her finger, by means of a ribbon attached to it without a remark of any kind. How TO RECEIVE A PRESENT. Receive a present in the spirit in which it is given and with a quiet expression of thanks. On the other hand, never, when what you have given is ad- mired, spoil the effect by saying it is of no value, or worse still, that you have no use for it, have others, or anything of that kind. Simply remark that you are gratified at finding it has given pleasure. MISCELLANEO US R ULJLS 279 KEFUSING A GIFT. Never refuse a gift if offered in kindness unless the circumstancess are such that you cannot with propriety or consistency receive it. Neither in re- ceiving a present make such comments as "I am ashamed to rob you;" "I am sure I ought not to take it," which seem to indicate that your friend cannot afford to make the gift. VALUE OF PKESENTS. In the eyes of persons of delicacy, presents are of no worth, except from the manner in which they are bestowed; strive then to gain them this value. GOVERNING OUR MOODS. We should subdue our gloomy moods before we enter society. To look pleasantly and to speak kind-, ly is a duty we owe to others. Neither should we afflict them with any dismal account of our health state of mind or outward circumstances. It is pre- sumed that each one has trouble enough of his own to bear without being burdened with the sorrows of others. \ CIVILITY DUE TO ALL WOMEN. Chesterfield says, "Civility is particularly due to all women; and, remember, that no provocation whatsoever can justify any man in not being civil to v *y woman; and the greatest man would justly be 2SO MISCELLANEOUS RULES reckoned a brute if he were not civil to the mean- est woman. It is due to their sex, and is the only protection they have against the superior strength of ours; nay, even a little is allowable with women; and a man may, without weakness, tell a woman she is either handsomer or wiser than she is." KEEPING ENGAGEMENTS. Keep your engagements. Nothing is ruder than to make an engagement, be it of business or pleasure and break it. If your memory is not sufficiently retentive to keep all the engagements you make stored within it, carry a little memorandum book, and enter them there. REQUISITES TO GAIN ESTEEM. Chesterfield says, "As learning, honor, and virtue are absolutely necessary to gain you the esteem and admiration of mankind, politeness and good breed- ing are equally necessary to make you welcome and agreeable in conversation and common life. Great talents, such as honor, virtue, learning, and arts, are above the generality of the world, who neither possess them themselves nor judge of them rightly in others; but all people are judges of the lesser tal- ents, such as civility, affability, and an obliging, agreeable address and manner; because they feel the good effects of them, as making society easy and Basing." MISCELLANEOUS RULES 281 CONTEMPT AND HAUGHTINESS. Contempt and haughtiness are never wise and never politic. Pride is a losing game, play it with whom you please. Courtesy is the only way to deal with the courteous, and the best way to deal with the rude. "There is nothing, so savage and un- couth, that a little care, attention, and complaisance will not tame it into civility." TALKING OF YOURSELF. Talk as little of yourself as possible^ or of any science or business in which you have acquired fame. There is a banker in New York who is always cer- tain to pccupy the time of every party he gets into, by talking of his per cents, and boasting that he be- gan life without a cent which every one readily be- lieves; and if he were to add that he began life in a pig-pen, they would believe that too. A FILTHY HABIT. Spitting is a filthy habit, and annoys one in al- most every quarter, in-doors and out. Since vul- garity has had its way so extensively amongst us, every youth begins to smoke and spit before he has well cut his teeth. Smoking is unquestionably so great a pleasure to those accustomed to it, that it must not be condemned, yet the spitting associated with it detracts very much from the enjoyment. No refined person will spit where ladies are present or 282 MISCELLANEOUS RULES in any public promenade; the habit is disgusting in the extreme, and one would almost wish that it could be checked in public by means of law. AVOID LOUD CONVERSATION. If you are in a public room, as a library or read- ing-room, avoid loud conversation or laughing which may disturb others. At the opera, or a concert be profoundly silent during the performances; if you do not wish to hear the music, you have no right to interfere with the enjoyment of others. In private, watch your thoughts; in your family, watch your temper; in society, watch your tongue. CONSULTING YOUR TIME-PIECE. Frequent consultation of the watch or time-pieces is impolite, either when at home or abroad. If at home, it appears as if you were tired of your com- pany and wished them to be gone; if abroad, as if the hours dragged heavily, and you were calculat- ing how soon you would be released. REMOVING THE HAT. A gentleman never sits in the house with his hat on in the presence of ladies for a single moment. Indeed, so strong is the force of habit, that a gentle- man will quite unconsciously remove his hat on en- tering a parlor, or drawing-room, even if there is no one present but himself, MISCELLANEO US It, ULES 283 SMOKING IN PRESENCE OF LADIES. It is not deemed polite and respectful to smoke in the presence of ladies, even though they are amia- ble enough to permit it. A gentleman, therefore, is not in the habit of smoking in the parlor, for if there is nobody present to object, it leaves a smell in the room which the wife has good reason to be mor- tified at, if discovered by her guests. RELINQUISHING A SEAT FOR LADIES. If you are in attendance upon a lady at any opera, concert, or lecture, you should retain your seat at her side; but if you have no lady with you, and have taken a desirable seat, you should if need be, cheer- fully relinquish it in favor of a lady, for one less el- igible. A MAN'S PRIDE AND PRINCIPLES. A man's pride should dwell in his principles and not in his demeanor. He should be above thinking anything which may be unworthy of his nature, and above doing anything which may lessen his character or impair his honor; but he should not be above illustrating his rank and breeding by gentle- ness and kindness. AVOID RELIGIOUS TOPICS. Religious topics should be avoided in conversa- tion, except where all are prepared to concur in a 284 MISCELLANEO US R ULES respectful treatment of the subject. In mixed soci eties the subject should never be introduced. Do not touch any of the ornaments in the houses where you visit; they are meant only for the use of the lady of the house, and may be admired but not touched. ATTENTION TO YOUNG PEOPLE IN SOCIETY. In society all should receive equal attention, the young as well as the old. "If we wish our young people to grow up self-possessed and at ease, we must early train them in these graces by giving them the same attention and consideration we do those of maturer years. If we snub them and sys- tematically neglect them, they will acquire an awk- wardness and a deprecatory manner which it will be very difficult for them to overcome. We sin- cerely believe that that which is considered the natural gaucherie of young girls results more from the slights which they are constantly receiving and constantly expecting to receive, than from any real awkwardness inherent in their age." REVERENTIAL REGARD FOR RELIGION. A reverential regard for religious observances, and religious opinions, is a distinguishing trait of a refined mind. Whatever your opinions on the sub ject, you are not to intrude them on others, per- haps to the shaking of their faith and happiness. Never read in company. A gentleman or lady MISCELLANEO US R ULLS 285 may however, look over a book of engravings with propriety. ABSENT MINDEDNESS. Absence of mind is usually affected, and springs in most cases from a desire to be thought abstracted in profound contemplations. The world, however, gives a man no credit for vast ideas who exhibits absence when he should be attentive, even to trifles- The world is right in this, and I would implore every studious youth to forget that he is studious when he enters company. I have seen many a man who would have made a bright character otherwise, affect a foolish reserve, remove himself as far from others as possible, and in a mixed assembly, where social prattle or sincere conversation enlivened the hearts of the company, sit by himself abstracted in a book. It is foolish, and, what is worse for the absentee, it looks so. AFFECTATION. There is nothing more diligently to be avoided than every species of affectation. It is always de- tected; and it always disgusts. It is as often found among people of fashion now, as a hundred years since. CONFIDENCE AND SECRESY. There are few points in which men are more fre- quently deceived than in the estimate which they 286 MISCELLANEO US R UL&S form of the confidence and secresy of those to whom they make communications. People constantly make statements of delicacy and importance which they expect will go no farther and will never be repeated; but the number of those who regard the obligation of silence even as to the most particular affairs, is extremely small. A WOMAN'S GOOD NAME. Let no man speak a word against a woman at any time, or mention a woman's name in any company where it should not be spoken. A person at an English dinner-party once made an after-dinner speech, in which he was loud in his abuse of the sex. When he had concluded, a gentleman whose indignation was aroused remarked: "I hope the gentleman refers to his own mother, wife and sisters and not to ours." Civility is particularly due to all women ; and no provocation whatsoever can justify a man in not be- ing civil to every woman, no matter what her station in life may be ; the greatest man would justly be reckoned a brute, if he were not civil to the meanest woman. It is due to all women, and is the only protection they have against the superior strength of man. SINGING IN COMPANY. A lady in company should never exhibit any anxiety to sing or play; but if she intends to do so, MISCELLANEOUS RULES 28? she should not affect to refuse when asked, but obligingly accede at once. If you cannot sing or do not choose to, say so with seriousness and gravi- ty, and put an end to the expectation promptly. After singing once or twice, cease and give place to others. There is an old saying, that a singer can with the greatest difficulty be set agoing, and when agoing, cannot be stopped. GENTLEMEN AT EVENING-PARTIES. At an evening party, a gentleman should abstain from conversing with the members of the family at whose house the company are assembled, as they wish to be occupied with entertaining their other guests. A well-bred man will do all that he can in assisting the lady of the house to render the even- ing pleasant. He will avoid talking to men, and will devote himself entirely to the women, and es- pecially to those who are not much attended to by others. ACCEPTING AN INVITATION. If a lady accepts an invitation, nothing but the most cogent necessity amounting to an absolute pre- vention, should be permitted to interfere with her keeping her word. To decline at a late period, after having accepted, is, I believe, invariably felt to be a rudeness and an insult; and it will be resented in some civil way. 288 MISCELLANEO US R ULES EXPRESSING UNFAVORABLE OPINIONS. When you find that one of your friends appears to be attracted by a young lady, and to be attentive to her, you should be extremely careful how you ex- press to him any unfavorable opinion about her, or indulge in any derogatory remarks. If he should make her his wife, the remembrance of your obser- vations will make a constant awkwardness between you. CHECKING HIMSELF IN CONVERSATION. If a person in conversation has begun to say something, and has checked himself, you should avoid the tactless error so often committed, of insist- ing on hearing him. Doubtless there was some rea- son for his change of intention, and it may make him feel unpleasantly to urge him forward accord- ing to his first impulse. CAUTIOUSNESS AND SEFL-CONTROL. Cautiousness, and the check of an habitual self- control, should accompany the mind of every one who launches out in animated conversation. When the fancy is heated, and the tongue has become rest- less through exercise, and there is either a single listener or a circle, to reward display, nothing but resolute self-recollection can prevent the utterance of much that had better been left unsaid. MISCELLANEO US R ULES 289 AVOID ARGUMENT. Avoid opposition and argument in conversation. Rarely controvert opinions; never contradict senti- ments. The expression of a feeling should be re- ceived as a fact which is not the subject of confuta- tion. Those who wrangle in company render them- selves odious by disturbing the equanimity of their companion, and compelling him to defend and give a reason for his opinion, when perhaps he is neither capable nor inclined to do it. CIVILITY. Civilities always merit acknowledgment; trivial and personal ones by word; greater and more dis- tant ones by letter. If a man sends you his book, or pays any other similar compliment, you should express your consideration of his courtesy, by a note. COURTESY. Courtesy is a habit of which the cultivation is recommended by the weightiest and most numerous motives. We are led to it by the generous purpose of advancing the happiness of others, and the more personal one of making ourselves liked and courted. When we see how the demagogue is driven to affect it, we learn how valuable the reality will be to us. "It is like grace and beauty," says Montaigne; "it begets regard and an inclination to love one at the 290 MISCELLANEO US It ULES first sight, and in the very beginning of an acquaint- ance." IMPROPER ACTIONS AND ATTITUDES. Never pass between two persons who are talking together; and never pass before any one when it is possible to pass behind him. When such an act is absolutely necessary, always apologize for so doing. GOOD MAXIMS. Bishop Beveridge says, "Never speak of a man's virtues before his face or his faults behind his back." Another maxim is, "In private watch your thoughts; in your family watch your temper; in so- ciety watch your tongue." POLITENESS. Politeness has been defined as benevolence in small things. A true gentleman is recognized by his re- gard for the rights and feelings of others, even in matters the most trivial. He respects the individu- ality of others, just as he wishes others to respect his own. In society he is quiet, easy, unobtrusive ; putting on no airs, nor hinting by word or manner that he deems himself better, wiser, or richer than any one about him. He is never " stuck up," nor looks down upon others, because they have not titles, honors, or social position equal to his own. He never boasts of his achievements, or angles for com- pliments by affecting to underrate what he has done. MISCELLANEO US R ULES 291 WASHINGTON'S MAXIMS. Mr. Sparks has given to the public a collection of Washington's maxims which he called his "Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior in Company." We give these rules entire, as they cannot fail to both interest and profit the reader: 1. Every action in company ought to be with some sign of respect to those present. 2. In the presence of others sing not to yourself with a humming voice, nor drum with your fingers or feet. 3. Speak not when others speak, sit not when others stand and walk not when others stop. 4. Turn not your back to others, especially in speaking; jog not the table or desk on which anoth- er reads or writes; lean not on any one. 5. Be no flatterer, neither play with any one that delights not to be played with 6. Bead no letters, books or papers in company; but when there is a necessity for doing it, you must not leave. Come not near the books or writings of any one so as to read them unasked; also look not nigh when another is writing a letter. 7. Let your countenance be pleasant, but in seri- ous matters somewhat grave. 8. Show not yourself glad at the misfortune of another, though he were your enemy. 9. They that are in dignity or office have in all places precedency, but whilst they are young, they MISCELLANEOUS RULES ought to respect those that are their equals in birth or other qualities, though they have no public charge. 10. It is good manners to prefer them to whom we speak before ourselves, especially if they be above us, with whom in no sort we ought to begin. 11. Let your discourse with men of business be short and comprehensive. 12. In visiting the sick do not presently play the physician if you be not knowing therein. 13. In writing or speaking give to every person his due title according to his degree and custom of the place. 14. Strive not with yonr superiors in argument, but always submit your judgment to others with modesty. 15. Undertake not to teach your equal in the art he himself professes; it savors of arrogancy. 16. When a man does all he can, though it suc- ceeds not well, blame not him that did it. 17. Being to advise or reprehend any one, con- sider whether it ought to be in public or in private, presently or at some other time, also in what terms to do it; and in reproving show no signs of choler, but do it with sweetness and mildness. 18. Mock not nor jest at anything of importance; break no jests that are sharp or biting; and if you deliver anything witty or pleasant, abstain from laughing thereat yourself. 19. Wherein you reprove another be unblamable MISCELLAXEO US ft VLES 293 yourself, for example is more prevalent than pre- cept. 20. Use no reproachful language against any one, neither curses nor revilings. 21. Be not hasty to believe flying reports to the disparagement of any one. 22. In your apparel be modest, and endeavor to accommodate nature rather than procure admiration- Keep to the fashion of your equals, such as are civil and orderly with respect to time and place. 23. Play not the peacock, looking everywhere about you to see if you be well decked, if your slices fit well, if your stockings set neatly and clothes handsomely. 24. Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation, for it is better to be alone than in bad company. 25. Let your conversation be without malice or envy, for it is a sign of tractable and commendable nature; and in all causes of passion admit reason to govern. 26. Be not immodest in urging your friend to dis* cover a secret. 27. Utter not base and frivolous things amongst grown and learned men, nor very difficult questions or subjects amongst the ignorant, nor things hard to be believed. 28. Speak not of doleful things in time of mirth nor at the table; speak not of melancholy things, as death and wounds; and if others mention them, 294 MISVELLANEO US R ULES change, if you can the discourse. Tell not your dreams but to your intimate friends. 29. Break not a jest when none take pleasure in mirth. Laugh not aloud, nor at all without occasion. Deride no man's misfortunes, though there seem to be some cause. 30. Speak not injurious words, neither in jest nor earnest. Scoff at none, although they give occa- sion. 31. Be not forward, but friendly and courteous, the first to salute, hear and answer, and be not pen- sive when it is time to converse. 32. Detract not from others, but neither be exces- sive in commending. 33. Go not thither where you know not whether you shall be welcome or not. Give not advice with- out being asked; and when desired, do it briefly. 34. If two contend together, take not the part of either unconstrained, and be not obstinate in your opinion; in things indifferent be of the major side. 35. Reprehend not the imperfection of others, for that belongs to parents, masters and superiors. 36. Gaze not on the marks or blemishes of others, and ask not how they came. What you may speak in secret to your friend deliver not before others. 37. Speak not in an unknown tongue in company but in your own language; and that as those of quality do, and not as the vulgar. Sublime matters treat seriously. MISCELLAXEO US R ULES 295 38. Think before you speak; pronounce not im- perfectly, nor bring out your words too hastily, but orderly and distinctly. 39. When another speaks, be attentive yourself, and disturb not the audience. If any hesitate in his words, help him not, nor prompt him without being desired; interrupt him not, nor answer him till his speech be ended. 40. Treat with men at fit times about business, and whisper not in the company of others. 41. Make no comparisons; and if any of the com- pany be commended for any brave act of virtue com- mend not another for the same. 42. Be not apt to relate news if you know not the truth thereof. In discoursing of things you have heard, name not your author always. A secret dis- cover not. 43. Be not curious to know the affairs of others, neither approach to those that speak in private. 44. Undertake not what you cannot perform; but be careful to keep your promise. 45. When you deliver a matter, do it without pas- sion and indiscretion, however mean the person may be you do it to. 46. When your superiors talk to anybody, hear them; neither speak nor laugh. 47. In disputes be not so desirous to overcome as not to give liberty to each one to deliver his opin- ion, and submit to the judgment of the major part, especially if they are judges of the dispute.. 296 MISCELLANEO US R ULES 48. Be not tedious in discourse, make not many digressions, nor repeat often the same matter of dis-' course. 49. Speak no evil of the absent, for it is unjust. 50. Be not angry at table, whatever happens; and if you have reason to be so show it not; put on a cheerful countenance, especially if there be strangers for good humor makes one dish a feast. 51. Set not yourself at the upper end of the table; but if it be your due, or the master of the house will have it so, contend not, lest you should trouble the company. 52. When you speak of God or his attributes, let it be seriously, in reverence and honor, and obey your natural parents. 53. Let your recreations be manful, not sinful. 54. Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire called conscience. PRINCIPLES OF GOOD-BREEDING. The principles of good-breeding are all found- ed in generosity. We must educate ourselves into those feelings which teach us to consult the welfare and comfort of others, and to bow ourselves to the restraints of honor. It is only by discipline and ef- fort that we can attain to that elevation of charact- er. But high as the result may be, it is always obe- dient to those endeavors; and every man may take home to himself the assurance that time and toil will enable him to reach the last and loftiest MISCELLANEO US H, ULES 297 conclusions in that department, and be honored and respected by all. ATTENTION TO SMALL MATTERS. There is nothing, however minute in manners, however insignificant in appearance that does not demand some portion of attention from a well-bred and highly-polished young man or woman. An author of no small literary renown, has observed, that several of the minutest habits or acts of some individuals may give sufficient reasons to guess at their temper. The choice of a dress, or even the folding and sealing of a letter, will bespeak the shrew and the scold, the careless and the negligent WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE. CHAPTER 22. HE wife of the chief-justice is the first lady in the land, and takes precedence of all others. She holds receptions and re- ceives calls, but she alone is excluded from all duty of re- turning calls. Next in rank comes the wife of the President. SOCIAL DUTIES OP THE PRESIDENT. It is customary for the President to give several state dinners and official receptions during each ses- sion of Congress. Besides these, there are also gen- eral receptions, at which time the White House is open to the public and any citizen of the United States has the recognized right of paying his re- spects to the President. PRESIDENTIAL RECEPTIONS. On the days appointed for the regular "levees" the doors of the White House are thrown open, and the world is indiscriminately invited to enter them. 298 WASHINGTON ETIQ UETTE. 299 No special dress is required to make one's ap- pearance at this republican court, but every one dresses according to his or her own taste or fancy. The fashionable carriage or walking-dress is seen side by side with the uncouth homespun of the back- woodsman and his wife. Nor are there any forms or ceremonies to be com- plied with to gain admittance to the presidential presence. You enter, an official announces you, and you proceed directly to the President and his wife and pay your respects. They exchange a few words with you, and then you pass on, to make room for the throng that is pressing behind you. You may loiter about the rooms for a short time, chat- ting with acquaintances or watching the shifting panorama of faces, and then go quietly out, and the levee is ended for you. PRIVATE CALL UPON THE PRESIDENT. If you wish to make a private call upon the Pres- ident, you will find it necessary to secure the com- pany and influence of some official or special friend of the President. Otherwise, though you will be readily admitted to the White House, you will prob- ably fail in obtaining a personal interview. SOCIAL DUTIES OP CABINET OFFICERS AND THEIR FAMILIES. The ladies of the family of a Cabinet officer should 300 WASHING TON ET1Q UETTE hold receptions every Wednesday during the season from two or three o'clock to half-past five. On these occasions the houses should be open to all. Refresh- ments and an extra number of servants are provid- ed. The refreshments for these receptions may be plain, consisting of chocolate, tea, cakes, etc. Every one who has called and left a card at a Wednesday receptions is entitled to two acknowl- edgments of the call. The first must be a returning of the call by the ladies of the family, who at the same time leave the official card of the minister. The second acknowledgment of the call is an invitation to an evening reception. Cabinet officers are also expected to entertain at dinners Senators, Representatives, justices of the Supreme Court, the diplomatic corps, and many oth- er public officers, with the ladies of their families. The season proper for receptions is from the first of January to the beginning of Lent. The season for dinners lasts until the adjournment of Congress. SOCIAL DUTIES OF CONGRESSMEN AND THEIR FAMILIES. It is optional with Senators and Representatives, as with all officers except the President and mem- bers of the Cabinet, w r hetherthey shall "entertain." "There is a vast expense in all this, but that is not all. The labor and fatigue which society imposes upon the ladies of the family of a Cabinet officer are fairly appalling. To stand for hours during WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE. 301 receptions at her own house, to stand at a series of entertainments at the houses of others whose invita- tions courtesy requires should be accepted, and to re- turn, in person all the calls made upon her, are a few of the duties of the wife of a high official. It is doubtful if her husband, with the cares of state, leads so really laborious a life. w BUSINESS. CHAPTER 23. is thought by many that among business men is the last place to look for politeness ; but in no place is it more necessary. Many a man has lost a good customer, or missed making a profitable bargain, by a sharp, abrupt answer to a civil question. Many pages could be compiled showing instances where great advantages have been derived from practising politeness and suavity in the most im- portant matters, as well as in trifling business affairs. Here, as elsewhere, the golden maxim of " doing unto others as we wish to be done by," shines out in resplendent brightness. Never keep a man listening to you during busi- ness hours. You may have all your business done for the day, while he may be cogitating how to meet a note or buy a cargo. Letters asking information should always enclose envelope and return stamp. Avoid asking your correspondent to transact any THE FORGED SIGNATURE. &V8H7JBSB. 305 business for you, that in its nature does not admit of repayment. Time to a business man is money. If you should happen to be a bank teller, be as civil to the most coarsly clad as to the most elabo- rately dressed. Remember that the poor man of to- day may be the millionaire of to-morrow. So that, even as a business speculation, it pays to be polite. The lamented George Peabody and the great Lafitte were as approachable to the poorest, having business with them, as if they themselves did not own the shoes they stood in. Politeness even to the most inferior person, like bread cast upon the waters, may return after many days, even long after you may have forgotten all about the incident. No matter how pressing your business may be in thronged marts or crowded banks, if you jostle a man, however accidentally, always raise your hat, and look an apology, even where you have no chance of speaking one. Keep your temper in discussing all business affairs; let your opponent in a controversy put himself in the wrong if he wishes to do so; but let your calm politeness disarm his blustering rudeness. But if the great merchant or the great banker owes courteous and polite treatment to those he comes in contact with, the duty of being polite and pleas- ant is doubly incumbent upon the rising man or the man hoping to rise. It is not good taste when meeting in business 304 BUSINESS. hours to go into any long detail or discussion of mat- ters foreign to the subject on which you have called. Even in speaking of your business affairs, be as brief as is consistent with clearness. Remember that a short call in business hours is likely to be a pleasant one. We often hear of the rudeness of would-be aristo- crats; but generally impoliteness departs with coarse habits. A man would not be tolerated in good socie- ty, however rich he might be, who brought with him the manners of a boor. Truly has the poet said, "'tis manners make the man, the want of it the fellow;" and it behooves a man in every station, and under every possible cir- cumstance, to be as agreeable as possible to every one he meets with. Let your reply to any interrogation be given free- ly and willingly, although you may not see how it is going to benefit you. Set an example to your clerks and other employ- ees. Speak kindly, even where it is necessary to re- prove them for any shortcomings. Consideration for the feelings of others is the main thing. On no occasion, nor under any temptation, mis- lead or falsify. Temporarily the advantage may come from it eventually you are sure to be the loser. Never by word or deed falsify in representing an article to be better than you know it really to be. To break an appointment is the height of ill-man- BUSINESS. 305 ners, in any case; but to break an appointment with a business man, is likev/ise a positive wrong. How little do you know what sacrifices he may be making to keep his engagement good. When circumstances inevitably prevent your keep- ing an appointment, at once write, or, what is still better, send a special message to that effect. Make it a rule to reply to all letters immediately. Never even glance at any mercantile book or pa- per which may accidentally be left open before you. Do not listen to any business conversation carried on by persons near you, and which they evidently don't desire you to overhear. Do not inflict upon a mere business acquaintance a tedious recital of your gains and losses. Every man has just as much of his own affairs to think about as he cares to employ his mind upon. It may seem a trite remark, but true politeness is often shown by not neglecting to "shut the door." Call on a business man at business times only, and on business; transact your business, and go about your business, in order to give him time to finish his business. ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS. CHAPTER 24. NE of the pleasant customs which is coming into general favor is that of celebrating anniversary weddings. Special anniversa- ries are designated by special names, indicating the presents suitable on each occasion. THE PAPER WEDDING. The first anniversary is called the paper wed- ding. The invitations to this wedding should be issued on a gray paper, representing thin card- board. Presents from the guests are appropriate, but not by any means obligatory. These presents, if given, should be only of articles made of paper. Thus, boxes of note-paper and envelopes, books, sheets of music, engravings and delicate knickknacks of papier mache are all appropriate for this occasion. THE WOODEN WEDDING. We celebrate the wooden wedding on the fifth an- niversary of the marriage. The invitations for 306 ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS. 307 this wedding, if it is desired to make them appro- priate to the occasion, should be upon thin cards of wood. They may also be written on a sheet of wed- ding note-paper, and a card of wood enclosed in the envelope. The presents suitable to this occasion are very numerous, and may range from a wooden paper- knife or trifling article for kitchen use up to a com- plete set of chamber or parlor furniture. THE TIN WEDDING. The tenth anniversary of the marriage calls for the tin wedding. The invitations for this anniver- sary may be made upon cards covered with tin-foil, or upon the ordinary wedding note-paper, with a tin card enclosed. Those guests, who desire to accompany their con- gratulations with appropriate presents, have the whole list of articles manufactured by the tinner irom which to select. THE CRYSTAL WEDDING. Next in order comes the crystal wedding being the fifteenth anniversary. Invitations to this wed- ding may be on thin transparent paper, on colored sheets of prepared gelatine or on ordinary wedding note-paper, enclosing a sheet of mica. The guests make their offerings to their host and hostess of trifles of glass, which are more or less valuable, as the donor feels inclined. 308 ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS. THE CHINA WEDDING. The china wedding takes place on the twen- tieth anniversary of the wedding-day. Invitations to this anniversary wedding should be issued on exceedingly fine, semi-transparent note-paper or cards. Various articles for the dining or tea-table or for the toilet-stand, vases or mantel ornaments, all are appropriate on this occasion. THE SILVER WEDDING. The silver wedding is celebrated on the twenty- fifth marriage anniversary. The invitations given for this wedding should be upon the finest note-pa- per, printed in bright silver, with monogram or crest upon both paper and envelope, in silver also. If presents are offered by any of the guests, they should be of silver, and may be mere trifles or more expensive, as the means and inclinations of the do- nors incline them to present. THE GOLDEN WEDDING. At the close of the fiftieth year of married life is the time for the golden wedding. Fifty years of married happiness should indeed be crowned with gold. The invitations for this anniversary celebration should be printed on the finest note-paper in gold, with crest or monogram on both envelope and pa- ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS. 309 per in highly-burnished gold. The presents, if any, are also in gold. THE DIAMOND WEDDING. Few, there are that celebrate their diamond wed- ding. This is celebrated on the seventy-fifth anni- versary of the marriage-day. So rare is this occur- rence that custom has given us no particular style or form to be observed in the invitations. These invitations may be issued upon diamond-shaped cards, enclosed in envelopes of a corresponding shape. There can be no general offering of presents at such a wedding, since diamonds in any number are beyond the means of most persons. PRESENTS AT ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS. It is not required that an invitation to an anni- versary wedding be acknowledged by a valuable gift, or indeed by any. The donors on such occa- sions are usually only members of the family or in- timate friends. On the celebration of golden or silver weddings it is a good plan to have printed at the bottom of the invitation the words "No presents," or to enclose a card reading thus: "It is preferred that no wedding gifts be offered." It is perfectly proper, though, not at all obliga- tory, at the earlier anniversaries to present trifles in paper, wood, tin, glass or china, which, if well chos- en, often add to the amusement and sociability of the evening. 310 ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS. INVITATIONS TO ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS. Invitations of this character vary somewhat in wording, depending largely upon the fancy of the writer, but must embody certain similar features, such as date of marriage, what anniversary, date and place of anniversary, etc. The following is a good form : 18661891. The pleasure of your company is requested at the Silver Wedding Inception of Mr. & Mrs. Grover Cleveland, Thursday Evening, CMay 14, at nine o'clock, 346 Grand Av. t N. Y. C. R. S. V. P. This form is equally suitable for any anniversary by varying the dates and inserting instead of " silver," the word "paper," "wooden," "tin," "crystal," " china," " golden," or " diamond." THE CEREMONY. It is quite common to have the marriage cere- mony repeated at these anniversary weddings, more ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS. 311 especially at the silver or golden wedding. The earlier anniversaries are rather too trivial occasions upon which to introduce this ceremony, especially since the parties may not yet have had sufficient time to discover whether an application for divorce may not yet be deemed necessary by one or the other. But there is a certain impressiveness in seeing a hus- band and wife who have remained faithful to each other for a quarter or half a century publicly re- newing their vows of fidelity and love, which then can only mean "till death us do part." The clergy- man who officiates on this occasion will of course so change the exact words of the marriage ceremony as to make them perfectly appropriate to the occa* sion, FUNERALS. CHAPTER 25. HE hired mutes and heavy trap- pings of woe which are still in use at funerals in England are entirely abandoned in this country. All manner of ostentation should be carefully avoided. Mourning is rejected by many persons of intelligence, who think it a temptation to extravagance, and who regard it, moreover, as requir- ing too much thought and trouble when the mind is ovewhelmed with real grief. INVITATIONS TO A FUNERAL. On the mournful occasion when death takes place, the most proper course is to announce the decease in the newspaper. An intimation that friends will kindly accept such notice, appended to the announcement, saves a large amount of painful correspondence. Near relations, and those whose presence is desired at the funeral, should be communicated with by let- ter, upou mourning paper ; the depth of the mourn- 312 FUNERALS. G13 ing border depending on the age, or position, of the deceased. Private invitations are usually printed in forms something like the following: " You are respectfully invited to attend the funeral of John Jones on Friday, June 3, 18 , at 11 A. M,, from his late residence, 417 Washington street (or from Grace M. E. Church.) To proceed to Grace- wood Cemetery. These invitations should be delivered by a pri- vate messenger. Whether other invitations are sent or not, notes must be sent to those who are desired to act as pall- bearers. CHARGE OP AFFAIRS AT A FUNERAL. The arrangements for the funeral are usually left to the undertaker, who best knows how to proceed, and who will save the family of the deceased all the cares and annoyances at the time they are least fitted to meet them. Such details as usually do not fall to the under- taker are entrusted to some relative or friend who is acquainted with business. This friend should have an interview with the family or some representative of it, and learn what their wishes may be and re- ceive from them a limit of expenses. EXPENSE OF FUNERAL. As to this limit, let it be born in mind that it 314 FUNERALS. should alwaysbe according to the means of the fami- ly; that nothing can excuse an extravagance and dis- play at a funeral which must be indulged in at the expense of privation afterward, or perhaps, worse still, at that of the creditors. Pomp and display are at all times out of keeping with the solemn occa- sion and inconsistent with real grief GENERAL RULES OF ETIQUETTE CONCERNING HOUSES OF MOURNING. No one should call upon a bereaved family while the dead remains in the house, and they are excus- able if they refuse to see friends and relatives. Upon a death occurring in a house, it is desirable that some outward sign should be given to keep away casual visitors. The usual means of doing this is by tying black crape upon the bell or door- knob, with a black ribbon if the person is married or advanced in years, with a white one if young and unmarried. The customs of different localities des- ignate when this crape should be removed. CONVEYANCES FOR A FUNERAL. For those friends specially invited, carriages should be furnished to take them to the cemetery. A list of invited persons should be given to the undertak- er, that he may know the order in which they, are to be placed in the carriages. EXHIBITING THE CORPSE. If the guests are invited to go from the house to FUNERALS. 315 the church, the corpse is usually exposed in the drawing-room, while the family are assembled in another apartment. If the guests go directly to the church, the coffin is placed in front of the chancel, and after the services the lid is removed and friends pass up one aisle, past the coffin, from the feet to the head, and down the other aisle out. RECEIVING GUESTS AT A FUNERAL. If the services are held at the house, some near friend or relative will receive the guests. The ladies of the family do not show themselves at all. The gentleman may do as they please. PROCEEDING TO THE CEMETERY. The procession moves from the door just one hour after the time set for the funeral. In England the male friends only, follow the corpse to its final resting place. In this country it is prop- er for the female friends and relatives to do so if they desire it, as they generally do. The carriage occupied by the clergyman precedes the hearse. The carriage immediately following the hearse is occupied by the nearest relatives, the fol- lowing carriages by the more remote relations. While the mourners pass out to enter the carria- ges the guests stand with uncovered heads. No sal- utations are given or received. The person who has been selected to officiate as superintendent of cere- monies assists the mourners to enter and alight from the carriages, 316 FUNERALS. Sometimes the private carriage of the deceased is placed in the procession, empty, immediately behind the hearsa The horse of a deceased mounted officer, fully equipped and draped in mourning, may be led im- mediately after the hearse. In towns and villages where the cemetery is near at hand it is customary for all to proceed to it on foot. The hat must be removed when the coffin is carried from the hearse to the church or back, when the guests may form a double line, between which it passes. At the cemetery the clergyman or priest walks in advance of the coffin. FLOWERS AT A FUNERAL. It is the custom to deck the corpse and coffin with flowers, but it is some what expensive. Upon the coffin of an infant or a young person a wreath of flowers should be placed, upon that of a married person a cross. These flowers should always fee white. Friends sending flowers should send them in time to be used for decorative purposes. OTHER DECORATIONS UPON THE COFFIN. If the deceased be a person of rank he generally bears some insignia of his rank upon his coffin-lid. Thus, a deceased army or naval officer will have his coffin covered with the national flag, and his hat, epaulettes, sword and sash laid upon the lid. FUNERALS. 317 AFTER THE FUNERAL. Guests should not return to the house of mourn- ing after the funeral. "In some sections it is cus- tomary to conclude the ceremonies of the day with a dinner or banquet, but this is grossly out of place and not to be tolerated by any one of common sense and refinement. If friends have come from a dis- tance, it may sometimes be a matter of necessity to extend a brief hospitality to them; but if the guests can avoid this necessity, they should do so. This hospitality should be of the quietest sort, and in no manner become an entertainment. It is the cruelest blow which can be given be- reaved friends to fill the house with strangers or in- different acquaintances and the sound of feasting at a time when they desire of all things to be left alone with their sorrw." NOTIFICATION OF DEATH. An English custom, which is beginning to be adopted in America, is to send cards deeply edged in black to relatives and friends upon which are printed or engraved the name of the deceased, with his age and date of his death. These cards must be immediately acknowledged by letters of condo- lence and offers of assistance, but on no account by personal visits within a short time after the fu- neral. OBLIGATION TO ATTEND A FUNERAL. Every one except those who are themselves in 318 FUNE&ALS. deep affliction are under obligation to attend a fu neral to which they have been invited. SECLUSION OF THE BEREAVED FAMILY. No one of the immediate family of the deceased should leave the house between the time of the death and the funeral. A lady friend should make all necessary purchases and engage seamstresses, etc. PERIOD OF MOURNING. On this subject we quote from a modern writer who says: "Those who wish to show themselves strict obser- vers of etiquette keep their houses in twilight se- clusion and sombre with mourning for a year, or more, allowing the piano to remain closed for the same length of time. But in this close observance of the letter of the law its spirit is lost 'entirely. It is not desirable to enshroud ourselves in gloom after a bereavement, no matter how great it has been. It is our duty to ourselves and to the world to re- gain our cheerfulness as soon as we may, and all that conduces to this we are religiously bound to ac- cept, whether it be music, the bright light of heaven, cheerful clothing or the society of friends. At all events, the moment we begin to chafe against the requirements of etiquette, grow wearied of the darkened room, long for the open piano and look forward impatiently to the time when we may lay aside our mourning, from that moment we are PVNERALS. 319 slaves to a law which was originally made to serve us in allowing us to do unquestioned what was sup- posed to be in true harmony with our gloomy feel- ings. The woman who wears the badge of widowhood for exactly two years to a day, and then puts it off suddenly for ordinary colors, and who possibly has already contracted an engagement for a second mar- riage during these two years of supposed mourning, confesses to a slavish hypocrisy in making an osten- tatious show of a grief which has long since died a natural (and shall we not say a desirable?) death. In these respects let us be natural, and let us moreover, remember that, though the death of friends brings us real and heartfelt sorrow, yet it is still a time for rejoicing for their sakes." DRESS. CHAPTER 26. ELL-BRED people give care- ful attention to their per- sonal appearance. If vanity, pride or prudery have fre- quently given to these atten- tions the names of coquetry, ambition or folly, it is no reason why they should be neglected. FIRST IMPRESSIONS. First impressions are apt to be permanent ; it is there- fore of importance that they should be favorable. The dress of an individual is that circumstance from which you first form your opinion of him. It is even more prominent than manner. It is indeed the only thing which is remarked in a casual encounter, or during the first interview. What style is to our thoughts, dress is to our per- sons. It may supply the place of more solid qualities, and without it the most solid are of little avail. Num- bers have owed their elevation to their attention to the toilet. Place, fortune, marriage have all been lost by neglecting it. 320 DRESS. 321 CONSISTENCY IN DKESS. Your dress should always be consistent with your age and your natural exterior. That which looks ill on one person, will be agreeable on another. As success in this respect depends almost entirely upon particular circumstances and personal peculiarities, it is impossible to give general directions of much importance. We can only point out the field for study and research, it belongs to each one's own genius and industry to deduce the results. Howev- er ugly you may be, rest assured that there is some style of habiliment which will make you passable. PLAIN DRESSING. The plainest dress is always the most genteel, and a lady that dresses plainly will never be dressed un- fashionably. Next to plainness in every well-dressed lady is neatness of dress and taste in the selection of colors. Too RICH DRESSING. If we were allowed to say anything to the ladies concerning dress in a dictatorial way, and were sure of being obeyed, we should order them generally to dress less. How often do we see a female attired in the height of fashion, perfectly gorgeous in costume, sweeping along the dusty street, perspiring under the weight of her finery dressed, in fact, in a man- ner fit only for a carriage. This is a very mistaken 322 DRESS. and absurd fashion, and such people would be as- tonished to see the simplicity of real aristocracy ai regards dress. ELEGANT DRESSING. Some ladies perhaps imagining that they are defi- cient in personal charms and we are willing to be- lieve that there are such, although the Chesterfield- ian school of philosophers would ridicule the idea endeavor to make their clothes the spell of their at- traction. With this end in view, they labor by lav- ish expenditure to supply in expensive adornment what they lack in beauty of form or feature. Un- fortunately for their success, elegant dressing does not depend upon expense. A lady might wear the costliest silks that Italy could produce, adorn herself with laces from Brussels which years of patient toil are required to fabricate; she might carry the jewels of an Eastern princess around her neck and upon her wrists and fingers, yet still, in appearance, be es- sentially vulgar. These were as nothing without grace, without adaptation, without a harmonious blending of colors, without the exercise of discrim- ination and good taste. APPROPRIATE AND BECOMING DRESS. The most appropriate and becoming dress is that which so harmonizes with the figure as to make the apparel unobserved. When any particular portion of it excites the attention, there is a defect, for the DRESS. 323 details should not present themselves first but the result of perfect dressing should be an elegant woman, the dress commanding no especial regard. Men are but indifferent judges of the material of a lady's dress; in fact, they care nothing about the matter. A modest countenance and pleasing figure, habited in an inexpensive attire, would win more attention from men, than awkwardness and effrontery, clad in the richest satins and the costliest gems. NEGLECT OF DRESS. There are occasionally to be found among both sexes, persons who neglect their dress through a ri- diculous affectation of singularity, and who take pride in being thought utterly indifferent to their personal appearance. Millionaires are very apt to manifest this characteristic, but with them it gener- ally arises through a miserly penuriousness of dis- position; their imitators, however, are even more de- ficient than they in common sense. HABITUAL ATTENTION TO ATTIRE. Lavater has urged that persons habitually atten- tive to their attire, display the same regularity in their domestic affairs. He also says: "Young wom- en who neglect their toilet and manifest little con- cern about dress, indicate a general disregard of order a mind but ill adapted to the details of house- keeping a deficiency of taste and of the qualities that inspire love." 324 VJRES& i AN AMIABLE EXTERIOR. The desire of exhibiting an amiable exterior is essentially requisite in a young lady, for it indicates cleanliness, sweetness, a love of order and propriety, and all those virtues which are attractive to their associates, and particularly to those of the other sex. Chesterfield asserts that a sympathy goes through every action of our lives, and that he could not help conceiving some idea of people's sense and character from the dress in which they appeared when intro- duced to him. Another writer has remarked that he never yet met with a woman whose general style of dress was chaste, elegant and appropriate, that he did not find her on further acquaintance to be, in dispo- sition and mind, an object to admire and love. DRESS T&E APPROPRIATE FINISH OF BEAUTY. The fair sex have the reputation of being passion- ately fond of dress, and the love of it has been said to be natural to women. We are not disposed to deny it, but we do not regard it as a weakness nor a peculiarity to be condemned. Dress is the appro- priate finish of beauty. Some one has said that, "Without dress a handsome person is a gem, but a gem that is not set, But dress," he further remarks, "must be consistent with the graces and with na- ture. DRESS. 32* TASTE. "Taste," says a celebrated divine, "requires a con- gruity between the internal character and the exter- nal appearance; the imagination will involuntarily form to itself an idea of such a correspondence. First ideas are, in general, of considerable conse- quence. I should therefore think it wise in the fe male world to take care that their appearance should not convey a forbidding idea to the most superficial observer." SIMPLICITY IN DKESS. As we have already remarked, the secret of per* feet dressing is simplicity, costliness being no essen- tial element of real elegance. We have to add that everything depends upon the judgment and good taste of the wearer. These should always be a har- monious adaptation of one article of attire to anoth- er, as also to the size, figure and complexion of the wearer. There should be a correspondence in all parts of a lady's toilet, so as to present a perfect en* tirety. Thus, when we see a female of light, deli* cate complexion, penciling her eyebrows until they are positively black, we cannot but entertain a con- tempt for her lack of taste and good sense. There is a harmony in nature's tints which art can never equal, much less improve. DELICACY AND HARMONY. A fair face is generally accompanied by blue eyest, 326 DltESS. light hair, eyebrows and lasses. There is a delica* cy and harmonious blending of correspondences which are in perfect keeping; but if you sully the eyebrows with blackness, you destroy all similitude of feature and expression, and almost present a de- formity. USING PAINTS. We cannot but allude to the practice of using paints, a habit strongly to be condemned. If for no other reason than that poison lurks beneath every layer, inducing paralytic affections and premature death, they should be discarded but they are a dis- guise which deceives no one, even at a distance; there is a ghastly deathliness in the appearance of the skin after it has been painted, which is far re- moved from the natural hue of health. COLOR AND COMPLEXION. A lady has to consider whai colors best suit her complexion. Blue, for instance, never looks well upon those of a dark complexion; nor pink upon those of a florid complexion. Yellow is a very try- ing color, and can only be worn by the rich-toned brunettes. Attention to these particulars is most important. Longitudinal stripes in a lady's dress make her appear taller than she really is, and are, therefore, appropriate for a person of short stature. Flounces give brevity to the figure, and are there' fore only adapted to tall persons. 327 Every article of dress should be well made, how- ever plain the style, or inexpensive the material, DRESS TO SUIT THE OCCASION. The dress should always be adapted to the occa- sion. Nothing is more proper for the morning than a loosely made dress, high in the neck, with sleeves fastened at the wrist with a band, and belt. It looks well, and is convenient. For a walking dress, the skirt should be allowed only just to touch the ground; for While a train looks well in the drawing-room/ and is inconspicuous in a carriage or opera-box, it serves a very ignoble purpose in sweeping the street. Ladies' shoes for walking should be substantial, to keep the feet dry and warm. If neatly made and well fitted, they need not be clumsy. Hats are now fashionable for morning walks, and they are both pretty and convenient. EVENING DRESS. Evening dress means full dress, in the common acceptation of the term. It will serve for dinner, opera, evening-party, everything but the ball. Ball dresses are special. With regard to evening dress and ball dress no explicit directions can be given. The fashion-books declare what is to be worn, and the dressmaker is the interpreter of the fashion. Still, individual taste should be exerted, and no slavish adherance given in to fashion at the sacri- fice of grace or elegance. 328 DRESS. BRIGHT-COLORED GLOVES. Deep and bright-colored gloves are always in bad taste; very few persons are careful enough in select- ing gloves. Light boots and dark dresses, dark boots and light dresses, are indicative of bad taste. A girl with neatly and properly dressed feet, with neat, well-fitting gloves, smoothly-arranged hair, and a clean well-made dress, who walks well, and speaks well, and above all, acts politely and kindly, is a lady. Fine acts and obtrusive airs are abashed be- fore such propriety and good taste. Fine feathers do not always make fine birds. NEVER DRESS ABOVE YOUR STATION. Never dress above your station; it is a grevious mistake, and leads to great evils, besides being the proof of an utter want of taste. Care more for the nice fitting of your dress than for its material. An ill-made silk is not equal in its appearance to the plainest material well made. THINKING ABOUT YOUR DRESS. Never appear to be thinking about your dress, but wear the richest clothes and the plainest with equal simplicity. Nothing so destroys a good manner as thinking of what we have on. Never keep a morn- ing visitor waiting while you change your dress. You ought always to be fit to be seen; and it is bet- ter to present yourself in your ordinary attire than DRESS. 329 to be guilty of the ill-breeding of keeping your ac- quaintance waiting while you make an elaborate toilette. Never spend more than you can afford on your dress; but endeavor by care, neatness, and ingenui- ty, to make up for expenditure. MORNING-DRESS FOR HOME. A dress for morning wear at home may be more simple than for visiting, or for hotel or boarding- house. A busy housewife will find it desirable to protect her dress with an ample apron. The hair should be plainly arranged, without ornament. MORNING-DRESS FOR VISITOR. For breakfasting in public or at the house of a friend a wrapper is not allowable. A dress with a closely- fitting waist should be worn. This for summer may be of cambric, or other wash-goods, either white or figured; in winter plain woolen goods, simply made should be adopted. MORNING-DRESS FOR STREET. The morning-dress for the street should be plain in color and make, and of serviceable material. The dress should be short enough to clear the ground. White skirts are out of place, the colored ones now found everywhere in stores being much more appro- priate. In stormy weather a large waterproof with hood 330 DRESS. will be found more convenient than an umbrella, which is troublesome to carry and often difficult to manage. The hat should be plain and inexpensive, match- ing the dress as nearly as possible, and displaying no superfluous ornament. Jewelry is out of place in any of t*he errands which take a lady from her home in the morning. Lisle thread gloves in summer and cloth ones in winter will be found more serviceable than kid ones. Linen collar and cuffs are more suitable than elab- orate neck and wrist dressing. Walking-boots of kid should be worn. BUSINESS WOMAN'S DRESS. There are many women who are engaged in busi- ness of some sort that it seems necessary that they should have a distinct dress suited to their special wants. This dress need not be so peculiar as to mark them for objects of observation, but still it should differ from the ordinary walking-costume. Its material as a rule should, be more serviceable, better fitted to endure the vicissitudes of weather, and of plain colors, such as browns or grays. For winter wear, waterproof tastefully made up is the very best material for a business woman's dress. This costume should not be made with plain sim- plicity, but it should at least dispense with all su- perfluities in the way of trimming. It should be made with special reference to easy locomotion and to the free use of the hands and arms. DRESS. 331 THE PROMENADE. The dress for the promenade admits of greater richness in material and variety in trimming than that of the business or errand dress. It should how- ever, display no two incongruous colors, and had best be in one tint, except where a contrasting or harmonizing color is introduced in the way of or- nament. In the country walking-dresses must be made for service rather than display, and what would be per- fectly appropriate for the streets of a city would be entirely out of place on the muddy, unpaved walks or paths of a small town or among the unpretend- ing population of a country neighborhood. MATERIAL OF A WALKING SUIT. The material of a walking-suit may be as rich or as plain as the wearer's taste may dictate or means justify, but it must always be well made and never be allowed to grow shabby. It is better to avoid bright colors and use them only in decoration. Black has come to be adopted very generally for street-dresses; but while it is becoming for most in- dividuals, it gives to the promenade a somewhat som- bre look. The dress for the promenade should be in perfect harmony with itself. One article should not be new and another shabby. The gloves should not be of one color, the bonnet of another, and the parasol of 332 DRESS. a third. All the colors worn should at least har- monize. A lady who wishes to maintain a reputation for always being well dressed will be scrupulous in suit- ing her toilet to the special occasion for which it is worn. She will not appear on foot upon the streets in a dress suited only for the carriage, nor will she either walk or drive in a costume appropriate alone for the house. CARRIAGE-DRESS. The dress for a drive through the streets of a city or along a fashionable drive or park can not be too rich in material. Silks, velvets and laces are all ap- propriate, with rich jewelry and costly furs. The carriage-dress may be long enough to trail if fashion so indicates, though many prefer using the walking-dress length. For country driving a different style of dress is required as protection against the mud or dust. It seems hardly necessary to describe the dress for country driving, we presume every lady is capable of selecting for herself, since the dress is worn for protection and not for show. RIDING-DRESS. There is no place where a woman appears to bet- ter advantage than upon horseback. We will take it for granted that our lady has acquired properly the art of riding. Next she must be provided with DRESS. 333 a suitable habit. Her habit should fit perfectly without being tight. The skirt should be full and long enough to cover the feet, while it is best to omit the extreme length, which subjects the dress to mud- spatterings and may prove a serious entanglement in case of accident. Waterproof is the most serviceable for a riding costume. Something lighter may be worn in sum- mer. In the lighter costume a row or two of shot should be stitched in the bottom of the breadths to keep the skirt from blowing up in the wind. The riding-dress should be made to fit the waist closely and buttoned nearly to the throat. Coat sleeves should come to the wrist, with linen cuffs beneath them. It is well to have the waist attached to a skirt of the usual length and the long skirt fastened over it^ so that if any mishap obliges the lady to dismount she may easily remove the long overskirt and still be properly dressed. The shape of the hat will vary with the fashion, but it should always be plainly trimmed; and if feathers are worn, they must be fastened so that the wind cannot possibly blow them over the wearer's eyes. All ruffling, puffing or bows in the trimming of a riding-dress is out of place. If trimming is used it should be put on in perfectly flat bands or be of braiding. The hair must be put up compactly, neither curls 334 DRESS. nor veil should be allowed to stream in the wind. No jewelry except what is absolutely required to fas- ten the dress, and that of the plainest kind, is allow- able. DRESS FOR RECEIVING CALLS. The dress of a hostess differs with the occasion on which she is called to receive her callers, and also with the social position and means of the wearer. A lady whose mornings are devoted to domestic affairs may and should receive a casual caller in her ordinary morning-dress, which should be neat yet plain, devoid of superfluous ornaments or jewelry If a lady appoints a special day for the reception of calls, she should be dressed with more care to do honor to her visitors. Her dress may be of silk or other goods suitable to the season or to her position, but must be of plain colors. White plain linen collar and cuffs belong to the plain morning-dress; lace may be worn with the cer- emonious dress, and a certain amount of jewelry is also admissible. For New Year's or other special calls the dress should be rich, and may be elaborately trimmed. DRESS OF HOSTESS. The hostess' dress should be rich in material, but subdued in tone, in order that she may not eclipse any of her guests. A young hostess should wear a &RES8. 335 dress of rich silk, black or dark in color, with collar and cuffs of fine lace, and plain jewelry, or, if the dinner is by gaslight, glittering stones. An elderly lady may wear satin or velvet) with rich lace. DINNER-DRESS. We do not in this country, as in England, expose the neck and arms at a dinner-party. These should be covered, if not by the dress itself, then by lace or muslin overwaist. DRESS OF GUESTS AT DINNER-PARTY. The dress of a guest at a dinner-party is less showy than that for evening; still, it may be rich. Silks and velvets for winter, and light goods for sum- mer, which latter may be worn over silk, are the most appropriate. Young unmarried ladies may wear dresses of lighter materials and tints than married ones. Mid- dle-aged and married ladies should wear silks heav- ier in quality and richer in tone, and elderly ladies satins and velvets. All the light neutral tints and black, purple, dark green, garnet, dark blue, brown and fawn are suited for dinner dress. But whatever color the dress may be, it is best to try its effect by gaslight and day- light both, since many a color which will look well in daylight may look extremely ugly in gaslight. A lady can lay no claim to delicacy and refine- 336 DRESS. ment no matter how richly or well dressed she may appear in public, if she do not give an equal amount of attention to her home-dress. This dress need not be expensive and should not be elaborate, but neat, tasteful, of perfect fit and becoming colors. ORDINARY EVENING-DRESS. A lady should always be prepared for casual call- ers in the evening. Her dress should be tasteful and becoming, made with a certain amount of or- nament and worn with lace and jewelry. Silks are the most appropriate for this dress, but all the heavy woolen fabrics for winter and the lighter lawns and organdies for summer, elegantly made, are suitable. The colors should be rich and warm for winter, and knots of bright ribbon should be worn in the hair and at the throat. The former should be dress- ed plainly, with no ornament save a ribbon. Arti- ficial flowers are out of place, and glittering gems are only worn on more important occasions. DRESS FOR EVENING CALL. Those who make a casual evening call will dress in similar style, though somewhat more elaborate. A hood should not be worn unless it is intended to remove it during the call. Otherwise a bonnet should be worn. DRESS FOR SOCIAL PARTY. For the evening-party the rules just given regard- DRESS. 337 ing dress will apply, except that more latitude is allowed in the choice of colors, trimmings, etc. Dresses covering the arms and shoulders should be worn; or if they are cut low in the neck and with short sleeves, puffed illusion waists or something similar should be used to cover the neck and arms. Dark silks are very dressy relieved by white lace and glittering gems they are admirable. Wearing gloves is optional. If worn, they should be of some light tint harmonizing with the dress. THE SOIREE AND BALL. These occasions call for the richest dress. The former usually requires dark colors and heavy material, the latter lighter tints and goods. The richest velvets, the brightest and most delicate tints in silks, the most expensive laces, low neck and short sleeves, elaborate head-dress, the greatest dis- play of gems, flowers, etc., all belong more or less to these occasions. Still, it is possible to be over-dressed. It is best to aim at being as well dressed as the rest, yet not to outdo them or render one's self conspicuous. White kid gloves and white satin boots belong to these costumes unless the overdress is of black lace, when black satin boots or slippers are required. The dress to be worn in public should always be suited to the place where it is to appear. For church the material should be rich rather than showy. Fo* the opera the extreme of brilliancy is allowable. 338 DJRESSL DRESS FOR CHURCH. The dress for church should be plain and simple, It should be of dark, plain colors for winter, and there should be no superfluous trimming or jewelry. It should, in fact, be the plainest of promenade- dresses, since church is not a place for the display of elaborate toilets, and no woman of consideration would wish to make her own expensive and showy toilet an excuse to another woman, who could not afford to dress in a similar manner, for not attend- ing church. DRESS FOR THE THEATRE. The ordinary promenade-dress is suitable for the theatre, with the addition of a handsome shawl or cloak, which may be thrown aside if uncomfortable. Either the bonnet or hat may be worn. In some cities it is customary to remove the bonnet in the theatre a custom which is sanctioned by good sense and a consideration of those who sit behind, but which has not yet the authority of etiquette. The dress should be, in all respects, plain, without any attempt at display. Gloves should be dark, and har- monize with the costume. DRESS FOR LECTURE AND CONCERT. Lecture and concert-halls call for a little more elaborate toilet. Silk is the most appropriate mate- rial for the dress, and should be worn with lace col- lar and cuffs and jewelry. White or light kid gloves DHJSS& 339 should be worn. A rich shawl or opera cloak is an appropriate finish. The latter may be kept on the shoulders during the evening. The handkerchief should be fine and delicate; the fan of a color to harmonize with the dress. DRESS FOR THE OPERA. The opera calls out the richest of all dresses. A lady goes to the opera not only to see but to be seen, and her dress must be adopted with a full realiza- tion of the thousand gaslights which will bring out its merits or defects. The material of the dress should be heavy enough to bear the crush of the place, rich in color and splendid in its arrangement. The headdress should be of flowers, ribbons, lace or feathers whatever may be the prevailing style the head should be uncovered. If, however, it is found necessary to have the head protected, a bonnet or hat of the light- est character should be worn. Jewelry of the heaviest and richest description is worn on this occasion, and there is no place^where the glitter of gems will be seen to better advantage. White kid gloves or those of light delicate tints should be worn. A most important adjunct to an opera-costume is the cloak or wrap. This may be of white or of some brilliant color. Scarlet and gold, white and gold, green and gold or Roman stripe are all very effect* ive when worn with appropriate dresses. 340 Either black or white lace may be adopted with advantage in an opera-dress. Purple, pink, orangf and most light tints require black lace, while tht neutral shades may be worn with either black or white. Yellow and blue should be avoided in an opera- dress, as neither bears the light well. Green re- quires gold as a contrasting color; crimson, black. The fan, the bouquet and handkerchief must all have due consideration and be in keeping with the other portions of the dress. Thus a lady in pink should avoid a bouquet in which scarlet flowers pre- dominate. CROQUET AND SKATING COSTUMES. Both call for a greater brilliancy in color than any other out-of-door costume. They should both be short, displaying a handsomely fitting boot. Croquet gloves should be soft and washable; skat- ing gloves thick and warm. The hat for croquet should have a broad brim, so as to shield the face from the sun and render a par- asol unnecessary. Velvet trimmed with fur, with turban hat of the same, and gloves and boots also fur bordered, com- bine to make the most elegant skating costume im- aginable. But any of the soft, warm, bright-colored woolen fabrics are quite as suitable, if not so rich. A costume of Scotch plaid is in excellent taste. Silk is unsuitable for a skating costume. DRESS. 341 The boot should be amply loose, or the wearer will suffer with cold or frozen feet. COSTUMES FOR COUNTRY AND SEA-SIDE. We cannot give a full description of the ward- robe which the lady of fashion desires to take with her to the country or sea-side. But there are a few general rules which apply to many things, and which all must more or less observe. Let the wardrobe be ever so large there must be a certain number of costumes suited for ordinary wear. Thus, dresses, while they may be somewhat brighter in tint than good taste would justify in the streets of a city, must yet be durable in quality and of material which can be washed. The brim of the hat should be broad to protect the face from the sun. The fashion of making hats of shirred muslin is a very sensible one, as it enables them to be done up when they are soiled. The boots should be strong and durable. A waterproof is an indispensable article to the so- journer at country resorts. BATHING COSTUMES. The bathing-dress should be made of flannel. A soft gray tint is the neatest, as it does not soon fade and grow ugly from contact with salt water. It may be trimmed with bright worsted braid. The best style is a loose sacque or the yoke waist, both of them to be belted in and falling about midway between the knee and the ankle. Full trowsers gathered in- 342 DJRES8. to a band at the ankle, an oilskin cap to protect the hair, which becomes harsh in the salt water, and socks of the color of the dress complete the costume. COSTUMES FOB TRAVELING. There is no place where the true lady is more plainly indicated than in traveling. A lady's travel- ing costume should be neat and plain,without super- fluous ornament of any kind. The first consideration in a traveling-dress is com- fort; the second, protection from the dust and stains of travel. For a short journey, in summer a linen duster may be put on over the ordinary dress, in winter a waterproof cloak may be used in the same way. But a lady making a long journey will find it more convenient to have a traveling-suit made ex- pressly. Linen is used in summer, as the dust is so easily shaken from it and it can be readily washed. In winter a waterproof dress and sacque are the most serviceable. There are a variety of materials especially adapt- ed for traveling costumes, of soft neutral tints and smooth surfaces, which do not catch dust. These should be made up plain and short. The underskirts should be colored woolen in win- ter, linen in summer. Nothing displays vulgarity and want of breeding so much as a white petticoat in traveling. Gloves should be of Lisle thread in summer and DRESS. 343 cloth in winter. Thick soled boots, stout and dur- able. The hat or bonnet should be plainly trimmed and protected by a large veil. Velvet is not fit for a traveling-hat, as it catches and retains the dust. Plain linen collars and cuffs finish the costume. The hair should be put up in the plainest manner possible. A waterproof and a warm woolen shawl are in- dispensable in traveling. Also a satchel or basket, in which may be kept a change of collars, cuffs, gloves, handkerchiefs and toilet articles. A traveling-dress should be well supplied with pockets. The waterproof should have large pock- ets; so should the sacque. In an underskirt there should be a pocket in which to carry all money not needed for immediate use. The latter may be entrusted to the portemon- naie in the ordinary pocket, or in the bosom of the dress. GOING TO EUROPE. "An elastic valise and a hand-satchel, at the side of which is strapped a waterproof," are enough bag- gage to start with. "In the valise changes of linen, consisting of two garments, night-gowns and 'angel' drawers. These latter are made of cotton or linen, and consist of a waist cut like a plain corset-cover, but extending all in one piece in front with the drawers, which button on the side. Usually the waists of these drawers are made without sleeves 01 ,'jil DRESS. with only a short cap at the top of the arm, but for a European trip it is advisable to add sleeves to the waist, so that cuffs paper cuffs if preferred can be buttoned to them. Thus, in one garment easily >made, easily removed, and as easily washed as a chemise, is comprised drawers, chemise, corset-cover and undersleeves, the whole occupying no more room than any single article of underwear, and sav- ing the trouble attending the care and putting on of many pieces. A gauze flannel vest underneath is perhaps a necessary precaution, and ladies who wear corsets can place them next to this. Over these the single garment mentioned adds all that is required in the way of underwear, except two skirts and small light hair-cloth tournure. " Of dresses three are required one a traveling- dress of brown de bege, a double calico wrapper and a black or hair-striped silk. The latter is best, be- cause it is light, because it does not take dust, be- cause it does not crush easily and because by judi- cious making and management it can be arranged into several costumes, which will serve for city sight- seeing throughout the journey and be good after- ward to bring home. Then, if there is room, an old black silk or black alpaca skirt may be found use- ful, and an embroidered linen or batiste polonaise from last summer's store. "Add to these a black sash, a couple of belts, an umbrella with chatelaine and requisite attachments, a pair of neat-fitting boots and pa^ ^ Dippers, some DRESS. 345 cuffs, small standing collars and a few yards of frais- ing, a striped or cheddar shawl, a 'cloud' for even- ings on deck, some handkerchiefs and gray and brown kid gloves, and, with a few necessary toilet articles, you have an outfit that will take you over the world and can all he comprised in the space in- dicated, leaving room for a small whisk broom, es- sential to comfort, and a large palm-leaf fan. "Stores, such as lemons, a bottle of glycerine, spirits of ammonia and Florida water, which are really all that are required the first for sickness, the last three for the toilet should be packed in a small case or box in such a way that the flasks con- taining the liquid will not come in contact with the fruit. After landing the box will not be wanted, as the lemons will have been used and the flasks can be carried with dressing-combs and the like in the satchel." WEDDING-OUTFIT. Although the fashions in make and material of the bride's dress are continually varying, yet there are certain unchangeable rules in regard to it. Thus a bride in full bridal costume should be dressed en- tirely in white from head to foot. THE WEDDING-DRESS. The dress may be of silk, brocade, satin, lace, merino, alpaca, crape, lawn or muslin. The veil may be of lace, tulle or illusion, but it roust be long 346 DRESS. and full. It may or may not fall over the face. The flowers of the bridal wreath and bouquet must be orange blossoms, either artificial or natural, or oth- er white flowers. The dress should be high and the arms covered. No jewelry should be worn save pearls or diamonds. Slippers of white satin and gloves of kid, make the dress complete. The simplicity in bridal toilettes, adopted in con- tinental Europe, is more commendable than that of England and America, where the bridal dress is made as expensive and as heavy with rich and cost- ly lace as it can possibly be made. DRESS OF BRIDEGROOM. The bridegroom should wear a black or dark-blue dresscoat, light pantaloons, vest and necktie, and white kid gloves. DRESS OF BRIDESMAIDS. The dresses of the bridesmaids are not so elabor- ate as that of the bride. They also should be of white, but they may be trimmed with delicately col- ored flowers and ribbons. White tulle worn over pale pink or blue silk, and caught up with blush- roses or forget-me-nots, makes a charming brides- maid's costume. If the bridesmaids wear veils, they should be shorter than that of the bride. 347 TRAVELING-DRESS OF BRIDE. The traveling-dress of a bride may be of silk, or of any of the fabrics used for walking-dresses. It should be of some neutral tint, the bonnet and gloves harmonizing in color. A bridal traveling costume may be more elaborately trimmed than an ordinary traveling-dress; but if the bride wishes to attract but little attention she will not make herself conspicuous by too showy a dress. A bride is sometimes married in traveling cos- tume; but when this is the case, the wedding is in private, and the bridal pair start out at once upon their journey. MARRIAGE OP A WIDOW. A widow should never be married in white. Wid- ows and brides of middle age should choose delicate neutral tints, with white lace collar and cuffs and white gloves. The costumes of the bridesmaids must take their tone from that of the bride, and be neither gayer, lighter nor richer than hers. Brides and bridesmaids should wear their wed- ding dresses at the wedding-reception. DRESS OP GUESTS AT WEDDING-RECEPTION. The guests at an evening reception should appear in full evening-dress. No one should attend in black or wear mourning. Those in mourning should lay aside black for gray or lavender. 348 DRESS. For a morning reception the dress should be the richest street costume, with white gloves. If the blinds are closed and the gas lighted at the morning reception, then evening-dress is worn by the guests. THE TROUSSEAU. The trousseau may be as large and expensive as the circumstances of the bride will admit, but this expense is generally put upon outside garments. There are a great many other articles which must be supplied in a requisite number, and these all brides must have, and of a certain similarity in gen- eral character and make. These are usually fur- nished by the bride's parents, and are as complete and expensive as their taste dictates, or their means justifies. HARMONY OF COLOR IN DRESS. COLORS IN DRESS. CHAPTER 27. NE of our most celebrated artists says: "Color is the last at- tainment of excellence in every school of painting." The same may be said in regard to the art of colors in dress. Never- theless, it is the first thing in dress to which we should give our attention and study. We put bright colors upon our little children, we dress our young girls in light and delicate shades, the blooming matron is justified in adopting the rich hues which we see in the autumn leaf, while black and neutral tints are appropriate to the old. This forms the basis upon which to build our structure of color. Having decided what colors may be worn, it is important to know how they may be worn. One color should predominate in the dress; and if another is adopted, it should be limited in quantity, and only by way of contrast or harmony. Certain colors should never, under any circumstances, be worn together since they produce positive discord to the 349 350 HARMONY OF COLOR IN DREU8. eye. If the dress be blue, red should not be introduc- ed by way of trimming, or vice versa. Red and yellow, red and blue, blue and yellow and scarlet and crimson should not be united in the same cos- tume. If the dress is red, green may be introduced in a limited quantity; if green, crimson; if blue, orange. Scarlet and solferino are deadly enemies, killing each other whenever they meet. Two contrasting colors, such as red and green, should not be used in equal quantities in a dress, as they are both so positive in tone that they divide and distract the attention. When two colors are worn in any quantity, one must approach a neutral tint, such as drab or gray. Black may be worn with any color, though it looks best with the lighter shades of the different colors. White may also be worn with any color, though it looks best with the darker tones. Thus white and crimson, black and pink, each contrast better and have a richer effect than though the black were united with the crimson and the white with the pink. Drab, being a shade of no color between black and white, may be worn with the same effect with all. A person of very fair, delicate complexion should always wear the most delicate of tints, such as light blue, pea-green and mauve. A brunette requires bright colors, such as scarlet and orange, to bring out the brilliant tints in her complexion. A florid face and auburn hair require blue. There are many shades of complexions which we HARMONY OF COLOR IN DRESS 351 cannot take time to describe here, the peculiar col- ors to suit which can only be discovered by actual experiment; and if the persons with these various complexions are not able to judge for themselves, they must seek the opinion of some acquaintance with an artistically trained eye. Pure golden or yellow hair needs blue, and its beauty is also increased by the addition of pearls or white flowers. If the hair has no richness of coloring, a pale, yel- lowish green will by reflection produce the lacking warm tint. Light-brown hair requires blue, which sets off to advantage the golden tint. Dark-brown hair will bear light blue, or dark blue in a lesser quantity. Auburn hair, if verging on the red, needs scarlet to tone it down. If of a golden red, blue green, purple or black will bring out the richness of its tints. Black hair has its color and depth enhanced by scarlet, orange or white, and will bear diamonds, pearls or lustreless gold. Flaxen hair requires blue. SIZE IN RELATION TO DRESS AND COLORS. A person of small stature may dress in light col- ors which would not be appropriate to a person of larger proportions. So a lady of majestic appear- ance should not wear white, but will be seen to the 352 HARMONY OF COLOR IN DRESS best advantage in black or dark tints. A lady of diminutive stature dresses in bad taste when she appears in a garment with large figures, plaids or stripes. Neither should a lady of large proportions be seen in similar garments, because, united with her size, they give her a "loud" appearance. Indeed, pronounced figures and broad stripes and plaids are never in perfect taste, whatever a capricious fashion may say in the matter. It is of importance to observe, that you do not overstep the boundaries of good taste in the number and variety of colors which you may employ. You may display the greatest taste and judgment in the contrast and harmony of colors; and yet, owing to their profusion, they may obtrude themselves too glaringly on the eye, drawing the attention more to the dress than to the countenance and figure of the person, an error which ought to be carefully avoided; the fewer the colors are which are used, the more simple and graceful will be the effect. In the canons of the laws of harmony and con- trast, size, or the magnitude of objects, has also its rules to be observed in regard of colors; large ob- jects appear to greater advantage in sober colors than smaller ones. Black, however, not only suits the complexion of all forms, and is becoming to all figures, but is at once piquant and elegant; it has a surprising effect in imparting grace and elegance to a well-turned form. HARMONY OF COLOR IN DRE8S. 353 When two colors which are dissimilar are associ- ated agreeably, such as blue and orange, or lilac and cherry, they form a harmony of contrast. And when two distant tones of one color are associated, such as very light and very dark blue, they harmonize by contrast. Of course, in the latter instance the harmony is neither so striking nor so perfect. When two colors are grouped which are similar to each other in disposition, such as orange and scarlet, crimson and crimson-brown, or orange and orange-brown, they form a harmony of analogy. And if two or more tones of one color be associated, closely aproximating in intensity, they harmonize by analogy. The harmonies of contrast are 'more effective, al- though not more important, than those of analogy; the former are characterized by brilliancy and de- cision, while the latter are peculiar for their quiet, retiring, and undemonstrative nature. In affairs of dress both hold equal positions; and in arranging colors in costume, care must be taken to adopt the proper species of harmony. The simplest rules to be observed are the follow- ing : 1. When a color is selected which is favorable to the complexion, it is advisable to associate with it tints which will harmonize by analogy, because the adoption of contrasting colors would diminish its favorable effect. 2. When a color is employed in dress which is injurious to the complexion, contrast- ing colors must be associated with it, as they have 354 HARMONY OF COLOR IN DRESS. the power to neutralize its objectionable influence. We will take an example illustrative of the first rule. Green suits the blonde, and, when worn by her, its associated colors should be tones of itself (slightly lighter or darker,) which will rather en- hance than reduce its effect. As an example of the second rule, we may take violet, which, although unsuitable to brunettes, may be rendered agreeable by having tones of yellow or orange grouped with it. Colors of similar power which contrast with each other mutually intensify each other's brilliancy, as blue and orange, scarlet and green. When dark and very light colors are associated, they do not intensify each other in the same manner; the dark color is made to appear deeper, and the light to appear lighter, as dark blue and straw-color, or any dark color and the light tints of the complexion. Colors which harmonize with each other by ana* logy reduce each other's brilliancy to a greater or less degree; as white -and yellow, blue and purple, black and brown. There are many colors which lose much of their brilliancy and hue by gaslight, and are therefore unserviceable for evening costume; of this class wi may enumerate all the shades of purple and lilac, and dark blues and greens. Others gain brilliancy in artificial light, as orange, scarlet, crimson, and the light browns and greens. It is advisable that all these circumstances should be considered, in the se- HARMONY OF COLOR IN DRESS. 355 lection of colors for morning and evening costume. Our readers will find the following list of harmo- nious groups of service in the arrangement of colors in dress; we have given the most useful as well as the most agreeable combinations. Blue and lilac, a weak harmony. Blue and drab harmonize. Blue and stone-color harmonize. Blue and fawn-color, a weak harmony. Blue and white (or gray) harmonize. Blue and straw-color harmonize. Blue and maize harmonize. Blue and chestnut (or chocolate) harmonize. Blue and brown, an agreeable harmony. Blue and black harmonize. Blue and gold (or gold-color), a rich harmony. Blue and orange, a perfect harmony. Blue and crimson harmonize, but imperfectly. Blue and pink, a poor harmony. Blue and salmon-color, an agreeable harmony. Blue, scarlet, and purple (or lilac) harmonize. Blue, orange, and black harmonize. Blue, orange, and green, harmonize. Blue, brown, crimson, and gold (or yellow; harmonize Blue, orange, black and white, harmonize. Red and gold (or gold-color) harmonize. Red and white (or gray) harmonize. Red, orange, and green, harmonize. Red, yellow (or gold-color,) and black, harmonize. Red gold-color, black and white, harmonize. 3b6 HARMONY OF COLOR IN DRESS. Scarlet and slate-color harmonize. Scarlet, black, and white harmonize. Scarlet, blue and white harmonize. Scarlet, blue and yellow harmonize. . Scarlet, blue, black, and yellow harmonize. Scarlet and blue harmonize. Scarlet and orange harmonize. Crimson and black, a dull harmony. Crimson and drab harmonize. Crimson and brown, a dull harmony. Crimson and gold (or gold-color,) a rich harmony. Crimson and orange, a rich harmony. Crimson and maize harmonize. Crimson and purple harmonize. Yellow and chestnut (or chocolate) harmonize. Yellow and brown harmonize. Yellow and red harmonize. Yellow and crimson harmonize. Yellow and white, a poor harmony. Yellow and black harmonize. Yellow, purple, and crimson harmonize. Yellow, purple, scarlet, and blue harmonize. Yellow and purple, an agreeable harmony. Yellow and blue harmonize, but cold. Yellow and violet harmonize. Yellow and lilac, a weak harmony. Green and scarlet harmonize. Green, scarlet, and blue harmonize. Green, crimson, blue, and gold, or yellow, harmonize. Green and gold, or gold-color, a rich harmony. HARMONY OF COLOR IN DRESS. 35? Green and yellow harmonize. Green and orange harmonize. Orange, blue, and crimson harmonize. Orange, purple, and scarlet, hairnonize. Orange, blue, scarlet, and purple harmonize. Orange, blue, scarlet, and claret harmonize. Orange, blue, scarlet, white, and green harmonize. Orange and chestnut, harmonize. Orange, and brown, an agreeable harmony. Orange, lilac, and crimson, harmonize. Orange, red, and green harmonize. Purple, scarlet, and gold-color, harmonize. Purple, scarlet, and white harmonize. Purple, scarlet, blue, and orange harmonize. Purple, scarlet, blue, yellow, and black harmoniza Purple and gold, or gold-color, a rich harmony. Purple and orange, a rich harmony. Purple and maize harmonize. Purple and blue harmonize. Purple and black, a heavy harmony. Purple and white, a cold harmony. Lilac and crimson harmonize. Lilac, scarlet, and white, or black, harmonize. Lilac, gold-color, and crimson harmonize. Lilac, yellow, or gold, scarlet, and white harmoniza Lilac and gold, or gold-color, harmonize. Lilac and white, a poor harmony. Lilac and gray, a poor harmony. Lilac and maize, harmonize. Lilac and cherry, an agreeable harmony. 358 HARMONY OF COLOR IN DRESS. Lilac and scarlet, harmonize. White and gold-color, a poor harmony. White and scarlet harmonize. White and crimson harmonize. White and cherry harmonize. White and pink harmonize. White and brown harmonize. Black and white a perfect harmony. Black and orange, a rich harmony. Black and maize harmonize. Black and scarlet harmonize. Black and lilac harmonize. Black and pink harmonize. Black and slate-color harmonize. Black and brown a dull harmony. Black and drab, or buff harmonize. Black, white, or yellow and crimson harmonize Black, orange, blue, and scarlet harmonize. THE TOILETTE. CHAPTER 28. UTY has more to do with atten- tion to the toilette than vanity. We are therefore bound to turn our personal attractions to the very best advantage, and to pre- serve every agreeable quality with which we may have been endowed. It is every woman's duty to make herself as beauti- ful as possible ; and no less the duty of every man to make himself pleasing in appearance. The duty of looking well is one we owe not only to ourselves, but to others as well. We owe it to ourselves because others estimate us very naturally and very properly by our outward appearance ; and we owe it to others be- cause we have no right to put our friends to the blush by our untidiness. If a gentleman ask a lady to accompany him to the opera or a concert, she has no right to turn that expected pleasure into a pain and mortification by presenting herself with tumbled hair, ill-chosen dress, badly-fitting gloves and an atmosphere of cheap and offensive perfumes. So, also, if the gentleman comes to fulfill his appointment with tumbled clothes, shaggy hair and beard, soiled linen and an odor of stale tobacco, she may well consider such an appearance an insult. 359 360 THE TOILETTE. Self-respect, as well as consideration for the other, demands that the personal appearance of each be pleasing and in good taste. HEALTH AND BEAUTY. XFpon the minor details of the toilette depend, in a great degree, the health, as well as the beauty, of the individual. In fact, the highest state of health is equivalent to the greatest degree of beauty of which the individual is capable. It is a false taste which looks upon a fragile form and a pale and delicate complexion as requisites for beauty. The strength and buoyancy and vigor of youth, the full and roun- ded curves of form and features, the clear complex- ion, fair in the blonde and rich and brilliant in the brunette, tinted with the rosy flush of health, these constitute the true beauty which all should seek, and to which all with proper care can at least par- tially attain. THE DRESSING-BOOM. The first requisite in properly performing the duties of the toilette is to have a regularly-arranged dressing-room. This room, of course, in many in- stances, is used as a bedroom as well; but that need not interfere with its general arrangements. The walls should be covered with a light-colored paper, with window-curtains and furniture covers all \n harmony. A few choice chromos or water-color drawings may hang on the walls, and one or two THE TOILETTE. 361 ornaments may occupy a place on the mantel; but it must be borne in mind that the room is to be used exclusively for dressing and the toilette, so that everything interfering with these offices in any way should be carefully avoided. LADY'S DRESSING-ROOM. A lady's dressing-room should be furnished with a low dressing-bureau, a washstand, an easy-chair, placed in front of the dressing-bureau, one or two other chairs, a sofa or couch if there be sufficient room, and a large wardrobe if there are not suffi- cient closet conveniences. The dressing-bureau should contain the lady's dressing-case, her jewel-box, pin-cushion ring-stand, and hairpin-cushion. The latter is very convenient, and is made in the following way : It may be square or round, the sides of card-board or wood, loosely stuffed with fine horsehair and covered with plain knitting, worked in german wool with fine needles. This cover offers no impediment to the hairpins^ which are much better preserved in this way than by being left scattered about in an untidy fashion. There should also be a tray with various kinds of combs, frizettes bottles of perfumes, &c. The washstand should be furnished with a larga bowl and pitcher, small pitcher and tumbler, soap- tray, sponge-basin, holding two sponges (large and small), china tray containing two tooth-brushes and nail-brushes, and a bottle of ammonia. 362 THE TOILETTE. On the right of the washstand should be the towel -rack, which should contain one fine and two coarse towels and two more very coarse hucka-back or Tur- kish towels. The foot-bath should be placed beneath the washstand. On the wall there should be hooks and pegs at convenient distances, which may be used for sacques, dressing-gowns, dresses about to be worn, or any other article of general or immediate use. Dresses, skirts, crinolines, etc., should be hung neatly away in the closet or wardrobe. The under- clothing should be folded and placed in an orderly manner in the drawers of the dressing-bureau. The finer dresses are kept in better order if folded smooth- ly and laid on shelves instead of being hung up. GENTLEMAN'S DRESSING-ROOM. The arrangements of a gentleman's dressing-room are similar in most respects to those of the lady's dressing-room, the differences being only in small matters. A gentleman's wardrobe is not necessarily so large as a lady's, but it should be well supplied with draw- ers to contain vests and pantaloons when folded. In- deed, no gentleman who wishes to make a tidy ap- pearance should ever hang up these articles. The hooks and pegs in a gentleman's dressing- room are for the convenience of articles of a gentle- man's toilet corresponding with those occupying a similar place in the lady's room. TKE TOILETTE. 363 In a gentleman's dressing-bureau should be found the articles used in a gentleman's toilet razors, shaving-soap, shaving-brush and a small tin pot for hot water, also packages of paper, on which to wipe razors. Cheap razors are a failure as they soon lose their edge. It has been suggested as an excellent plan to have a case of seven razors one for each day in the week so that they are all equally used. A boot-stand, on which the boots and shoes should be arranged in regular order, with boot-jacks and boot-hooks, is a necessary part of the gentleman's dressing-room. A couple of hair gloves, with a flesh-brush, may be added. THE BATH. In most of our houses in the city there is a sepa- rate bath room with hot and cold water, but country houses are not always so arranged. A substitute for the bath-room is a large piece of oilcloth, which can be laid upon the floor of the ordinary dressing-room. Upon this may be placed the bath-tub or basin. There are various kinds of baths, both hot anJ cold the douche, the shower-bath, the hip-bath and the sponge-bath. We do not bathe to make ourselves clean; but to keep clean, and for the sake of its health-giving and invigorating effects. Once a week a warm bath, at about 100, may be used, with plenty of soap, in or- der to thoroughly cleanse the pores of the skin. 364 THE TOILETTE. A douche or hip-bath may be taken every morn- ing, winter and summer, with the temperature of the water suited to the endurance of the individual. In summer a second or sponge-bath may be taken on retiring. Only the most vigorous constitutions can endure the shower-bath, therefore it cannot be recommended for indiscriminate use. After these baths a rough towel should be vigor- ously used, not only to help remove the impurities of the skin, but for the beneficial friction which will send a glow over the whole body. The hair glove or flesh-brush may be used to advantage in the bath before applying the towel. Before stepping into the bath the head should be wet with cold water, and in the bath the pit of the stomach should first be sponged. There is no danger to most people from taking a bath in a state of ordinary perspiration. But one should by all means avoid it if fatigued or over- heated. THE AIR-BATH. Next in importance to the water-bath is the air- bath. Nothing is so conducive to health as an ex- posure of the body to air and sun. A French phy- sician has recommended the sun-bath as a desirable hygienic practice. It is well, therefore, to remain without clothing for some little time after bathing, THE TOILETTE. 365 performing such duties of the toilet as can be done in that condition. i THE TEETH. The next thing to be done is to clean the teeth. Brides this daily morning cleaning, the teeth should be carefully brushed with a soft brush after each meal, and also on retiring at night. Use the brush so that not only the outside of the teeth is white, but the inside also. After the brush is used plunge it two or three times into a glass of fresh water, then rub it quite dry on a towel. Use no tooth-washes nor powders whatever. There may be some harmless ones, but it is impossi- ble for a person of ordinary knowledge to discrim- inate between them, and that which seems to be rendering the teeth beautifully white may soon de- stroy the enamel which covers them. Castile soap used once a day, with frequent brushings with pure water and a soft brush, cannot fail to keep the teeth clean and white, unless they are disfigured and de- stroyed by other bad habits, such as the use of to- bacco or too hot or too cold drinks. Tartar is not so easily dealt with, but it requires equally early attention. It results from an impaired state of the general health, and assumes the form of a yellowish concretion on the teeth and gums. At first it is possible to keep it down by a repeated and vigorous use of the tooth-brush; but if a firm, solid mass accumulates, it is necessary to have it chipped 866 THE TOILETTE. off by a dentist. Unfortunately, too, by that time it will probably have begun to loosen and destroy the teeth on which it fixes, and is pretty certain to have produced one obnoxious effect that of tainting the breath. On the slightest appearance of decay or af* tend- ency to accumulate tartar, go at once to a dentist. If a dark spot appearing under the enamel is neg- lected, it will eat in until the tooth is eventually destroyed. A dentist seeing the tooth in its first stage will remove the decayed part and plug the cavity in a proper manner. Washing the teeth with vinegar when the brush is used has been recommended as a means of remov i ing tartar. Tenderness of the gums, to which some persons are subject, may sometimes be met by the use of salt and water, but it is well to rinse the mouth frequent- ly with water with a few drops of tincture of myrrh in it. Relief in cases of decay may sometimes be ob- tained by thrusting into the cavity with a needle a little cotton-wool saturated with creosote or oil of cloves. About toothache it is only necessary to point out that it results from various causes, and that therefore it is impossible to give any general remedy for it. It may be occasioned by decay, by inflammation of the membrane covering the root, or the pain may be neuralgic, or there may be other causes. TOILETTE. 367 N. When there is inflammation, relief is often gained by applying camphorated chloroform, to be procured at the druggist's. This has often succeeded when laudanum and similar applications have entirely failed. It may be added that foul breath, unless caused by neglected teeth, indicates a deranged state of the system. When it is occasioned by the teeth or other local cause, use a gargle consisting of a spoonful of solution of chloride of lime in half a tumbler of water. Gentlemen smoking, and thus tainting the breath, may be glad to know that the common pars- ley has a peculiar effect in removing the odor of tobacco. THE SKIN. Beauty and health of the skin can only be ob- tained by perfect cleanliness and an avoidance of all cosmetics, added to proper diet and correct habits. The skin must be frequently and thoroughly washed, occasionally with warm water and soap, to remove the oily exudations upon its surface. If any unpleasant sensations are experienced after the use of soap, they may be immediately removed by rins- ing the surface with water to which a little lemon- juice or vinegar has been added. Our somewhat remote maternal ancestors were very chary in the use of water lest it should injure the complexion. So they delicately wiped their faces 368 THE TOILETTE. with the corner of a towel wet in elder-flower water or rose-water. Or in springtime they tripped out to the meadows while the dew still lay upon the grass, and saturating their kerchiefs in May dew refreshed their cheeks and went home contented that a con- scientious duty had been performed. And so it was though a different duty than the one they congrat- ulated themselves upon. The May dew did them no harm at least, and they had been beguiled by a stratagem into early rising. It is not necessary here to speak of various cutane- ous eruptions. The treatment of these belongs prop- erly to a physician. They are usually the result of a bad state of the blood or general derangement of the system, and cannot be cured by any merely ex- ternal application. The following rules may be given for the preserva- tion of the complexion : Rise early and go to bed early. Take plenty of exercise. Use plenty of cold water, and good soap frequently. Be moderate in eating and drinking. Do not lace. Avoid as much as possible the vitiated atmosphere of crowded as- semblies. Shun cosmetics and washes for the skin. The latter dry the skin, and only defeat the end they are supposed to have in view. Freckles are of two kinds. Those occasioned by exposure to the sunshine, and consequently evanes- cent, are denominated "summer freckles; " those which are constitutional and permanent are called "cold freckles." THE TOILETTE. 369 Moles are frequently a great disfigurement to the face, but they should not be tampered with in any way. The only safe and certain mode of getting rid of moles is by a surgical operation. With regard to freckles, it is impossible to give any advice which will be of value. They result from causes not to be affected by mere external applica- tions. Summer freckles are not so difficult to deal with, and with a little care the skin may be kept free from this cause of disfigurement. Some skins are so delicate that they become freck- led on the slightest exposure in the open air of sum- mer. The cause assigned for this is that the iron in the blood, forming a junction with the oxygen, leaves a rusty mark where the junction takes place. We give in their appropriate place some recipes for re- moving these latter freckles from the face. There are various other discolorations of the skin, proceeding frequently from derangement of the sys- tem. The cause should always be discovered before attempting a remedy, otherwise you may aggravate the complaint rather than cure it. THE EYES, LASHES AND BROWS. Beautiful eys are the gift of Nature, and can owe little to the toilet. As in the eye consists much of the expression of the face, therefore it should be borne in mind that those who would have their eyes bear a pleasing expression must cultivate pleasing traits of character and beautify the soul, and then this 370 THE TOILETTE. beautiful soul will look through its natural windows. Never tamper with the eyes. There is danger of destroying them. All daubing or dyeing of the lids is foolish and vulgar. Short-sightedness is not always a natural defect. It may be acquired by bad habits in youth. A short- sighted person should supply himself with glasses exactly adapted to his wants ; but it is well not to use these glasses too constantly, as, even when they perfectly fit the eye, they really tend to shorten the sight. Unless one is very short-sighted, it is best to keep the glasses for occasional use, and trust ordi- narily to the unaided eye. Parents and teachers should watch children and see that they do not ac- quire the habit of holding their books too close to their eyes, and thus injure their sight. Parents should also be careful that their children do not become squint- or cross-eyed through any carelessness. A child's hair hanging down loosely over its eyes, or a bonnet projecting too far over them, or a loose ribbon or tape fluttering over the forehead, is sometimes sufficient to direct the sight irregularly until it becomes permanently crossed. A beautiful eyelash is an important adjunct to the eye. The lashes may be lengthened by trimming them occasionally in childhood. Care should be taken that this trimming is done neatly and evenly. Oreat care how-ever must be used in this direction, as, after a certain age they never grow again. The eyebrows may be brushed carefully in the THE TOILETTE. 371 direction which they should lie, and when the hair is oiled, which should be but seldom, they may be oiled also. Generally, it is in exceeding bad taste to dye either lashes or brows, for it usually brings them into inharmony with the hair and features. There are cases, however, when the beauty of an otherwise fine countenance is utterly ruined by white lashes and brows. In such cases one can hardly be blamed if India ink is resorted to, to give them the desired color. Never shave the brows. It adds to their beauty in no way, and may result in an irregular growth of new hair. The utmost care should be taken of the eyes. They should never be strained in an imperfect light, whether that of clouded daylight, twilight or flick- ering lamp- or candle-light. Many persons have an idea that a dark room is best for the eyes. On the contrary, it weakens them and renders them permanently unable to bear the light of the sun. Our eyes were naturally designed to endure the broad light of Heaven and the nearer we approach to this in our houses, the stronger will be our eyes and the longer will we retain our sight. Some persons have the eyebrows meeting over the nose. This is usually considered a disfigurement, but there is no remedy for it. It may be a consola- tion for such people to know that the ancients ad- 372 THE TOILETTE. mired this style of eyebrows, and that Michael An- gelo possessed it. It is useless to pluck out the uniting hairs; and if a depilatory is applied, a mark like that of a scar left from a burn remains, and is more disfiguring than the hair. If the lids of the eyes become inflamed and scaly, do not seek to remove the scales roughly, for they will bring the lashes with them. Apply at night a little cold cream to the edges of the closed lids, and wash them in the morning with lukewarm milk and water. Sties in the eye are irritating and disfiguring. Foment with warm water; at night apply a bread- and-milk poultice. When a white head forms, prick it with a fine needle. Should the inflammation be obstinate, a little citrine ointment may be applied, care being taken that it does not get into the eye. It is well to have on the toilet-table a remedy for inflamed eyes. Spermaceti ointment is simple and well adapted to this purpose. Apply at night, and wash off with rose-water in the morning. There is a simple lotion made by dissolving a very small piece of alum and a piece of lump-sugar of the same size in a quart of water; put the ingredients into the water cold and let them simmer. Bathe the eyes frequently with it. THE HAIR. There is nothing that so adds to the charm of an THE TOILETTE. 873 individual as a good head of hair. The complexion and the features may be perfect, but if the hair is thin and harsh they all pass for little. On the other hand, magnificent locks will atone for other de- ficiencies. The hair should be brushed for at least twenty minutes in the morning, for ten minutes when it is dressed in the middle of the day, and for a like period at night. In brushing or combing it begin at the extreme points, and in combing hold the portion of hair just above that through which the comb is passing firmly between the first and second fingers, so that if it is entangled it may drag from that point, and not from the roots. The finest head of hair may be spoiled by the practice of plunging the comb into it high up and dragging it in a reckless manner. Short, loose, broken hairs are thus created, and become very troublesome. The skin of the head requires even more tender- .ness and cleanliness than any other portion of the body, and is capable of being irritated by disease. Formerly, the use of a fine-tooth comb was con- sidered essential to the proper care of the hair, but in general, to the careful brusher, the fine comb is not necessary. The hair should be brushed carefully. The brush should be of moderate hardness, not too hard. The hair should be separated, in order that the head itself may be well brushed, as by doing so the scurf is re- moved, and that is most essential, as not only is it 374 THE TOILETTE. unpleasant and unsightly, but if suffered to remain it becomes saturated with perspiration and tends to weaken the roots of the hair, causing it in time to fall off. Vinegar and water form a good wash for the roots of the hair. Ammonia diluted with water is still better. Nothing is simpler or better in the way of oil than pure, unscented salad oil, and in the way of a pomatum bear's grease is as pleasant as anything. Apply either with the hands or keep a soft brush for the purpose, but take care not to use the oil too freely. An over-oiled head of hair is vulgar and offensive. So are scents of any kind in the oil ap- plied to the hair. It is well also to keep a piece of flannel with which to rub the hair at night after brushing it, in order to remove the oil before lay- ing, the head upon the pillow. Do not plaster the hair with oil or pomatum. A white, concrete oil pertains naturally to the cov- ering of the human head, but some persons have it in more abundance than others. Those whose hair is glossy and shining need nothing to render it so; but when the hair is harsh, poor and dry, artificial lubrication is necessary. Persons who per- spire freely or who accumulate scurf rapidly require it also. The hair-brush should also be frequently washed in diluted ammonia. For removing scurf glycerine diluted with a little THE TOILETTE. 375 rose-water will be found of service. Any prepara- tion of rosemary forms an agreeable and highly cleansing wash. The yolk of an egg beaten up in warm water is an excellent application to the scalp. Many heads of hair require nothing more in the way of wash than soap and water. Do not by any means use any dyes or advertised nostrums to preserve or change the color of the hair, or to prevent it from falling out or to curl it. They are one and all objectionable, containing more or less poison, some of them even sowing the germs of paralysis or of blindness. Young girls should wear their hair cut short until they are grown up if they would have it then in its best condition. Beware of letting the hair grow too long, as the points are apt to weaken and split. It is well to have the ends clipped off once a month. The style of modern coiffure is so perpetually changing with every breath of fashion that it is useless to say much about it in these pages. It may be well to hint that when fashion ordains extrava- gance in style of wearing the hair or in the abun- dance of false locks, the lady of refinement will follow her mandates only at a distance, and will sup- plement the locks with which Nature has provided her only so far as is absolutely required to prevent her presenting a singular appearance. A serious objection to dyeing the hair is that it is 376 THE TOILETTE. almost impossible to give the hair a tint which har- monizes with the complexion. If the hair begins to change early and the color goes in patches, procure from the druggist's a prep- aration of the husk of the walnut water or eau crayon. This will by daily application darken the tint of the hair without actually dyeing it. When the change of color has gone on to any great extent, it is better to abandon the application and put up with the change, which, in nine cases out of ten, will be in accordance with the change in the face. Indeed, there is nothing more beautiful than soft white hair worn in plain bands or clustering curls about the face. The walnut-water may be used for toning down too red hair. Gentlemen are more liable to baldness than ladies, owing, no doubt, to the use of the close hat, which confines and overheats the head. It may be consid- ered, perhaps, as a sort of punishmemt for disregard- ing one of the most imperative rules of politeness, to always remove the hat in the presence of ladies, the observance of which would keep the head cool and well aired. If the hair is found to be falling out, the first thing to do is to look to the hat and see that it is light and thoroughly ventilated. There is no greater enemy to the hair than the silk dress-hat. The single eye- let-hole through the top does not secure sufficient circulation of air for the health of the head. It is THE TOILETTE. 877 best to lay this hat aside altogether and adopt light straw in its place. It would, no doubt, be to the advantage of men if they would take to going out in the open air bare- headed. Women think nothing of stepping out of doors heads uncovered, men scarcely ever do it. We are of opinion that if the health of the brain and hair is to be paramount we should learn to consider hats and bonnets, and especially hats, as worn merely as hostages to the proprieties, and not at all as neces- sities, while we should seek to do without them on every possible occasion, in doors and out. It is conceded that artists and musicians may wear their hair long if they choose, but it is imperative upon all other gentlemen to cut their hair short. Long hair on a man not of the privileged class above named will indicate him to the observer as a person of unbalanced mind and unpleasantly erratic char- acter a man, in brief, who seeks to impress others with the fact that he is eccentric, something which a really eccentric person never attempts. THE BEARD. Those who shave should be careful to do so every morning. Nothing looks worse than a stubbly beard. Some persons whose beards are strong should shave twice a day, especially if they are going to a party in the evening. The style of hair on the face should be governed by the character of the face. Some people wear the 378 THE TOILETTE. full beard, not shaving at all ; others long Cardigan whiskers ; some moustache and whiskers or mutton- chop whiskers, or the long, flowing moustache and imperial of Victor Emmanuel, or the spiky moustache of the late emperor of the French. But whatever the style be, the great point is to keep it well brush- ed and trimmed and to avoid any appearance of wild- ness or inattention. The full, flowing beard of course requires more looking after, in the way of cleanli- ness than any other. It should be thoroughly wash- ed and brushed at least twice a day, as dust is sure to accumulate in it, and it is very easy to suffer it to become objectionable to one's self as well as to others. If it is naturally glossy, it is better to avoid the use of oil or pomatum. The moustache should be worn neatly and not over-large. In conclusion, our advice to those who shave is like Punch's advice to those about to marry; "Don't!" There is nothing that so adds to native manliness as the full beard if carefully and neatly kept. Nature certainly knows best; and no man need be ashamed of showing his manhood in the hair of his face. The person who invented razors libeled nature and added a fresh misery to the days of man. "Ah," said Diogenes, who would never consent to be shaved, "would you insinuate that Nature had done better to make you a woman than a man?" THE TOILETTE. 379 THE HAND. A beautiful hand is long and slender, with taper- ing fingers and pink, filbert-shaped nails. The hand, to be in proper proportion to the rest of the body, should be as long as from the point of the chin to the edge of the hair on the forehead. Be careful always to dry the hands thoroughly, and rub them briskly for some time afterward. When this is not sufficiently attended to in cold weather, the hands chap and crack. When this occurs, rub a few drops of honey over them when dry, or anoint them with cold cream or glycerine before going to bed. As cold weather is the usual cause of chapped hands, so the winter season brings with it a cure for them. A thorough washing in snow and soap will cure the worst case of chapped hands and leave them beautifully soft and white. The hands should be kept scrupulously clean, and therefore should be very frequently washed not merely rinsed in soap and water, but thoroughly lathered, and scrubbed with a soft nail-brush. In cold weather the use of lukewarm water is unobjec- tionable, after which the hands should be dipped into cold water and very carefully dried on a fine towel. Should you wish to make your hands white and delicate, you might wash them in white milk and water for a day or two. On retiring to rest rub 380 THE TOILETTE* them well over with some palm oil and put on a pair of woolen gloves. The hands should be thor- oughly washed with hot water and soap the next morning, and a pair of soft leather gloves worn dur- ing the day, They should frequently be rubbed together to promote circulation. Sunburnt hands may be washed in lime-water or lemon-juice. Warts, which are more common with young peo* pie than with adults, are very unsightly, and are sometimes very difficult to get rid of. The best plan is to buy a small stick of lunar caustic, which is sold in a holder and case at the druggist's for the purpose, dip it in water, and touch the wart every morning and evening, care being taken to cut away the with- ered skin before repeating the operation. A still better plan is to apply acetic acid gently once a day with a camel's-hair pencil to the summit of the wart. Care should be taken not to allow this acid to touch the surrounding skin; to prevent this the finger or hand at the base of the wart may be covered with wax during the operation. Nothing is so repulsive as to see a lady or gentle* man, however well dressed they may otherwise be, with nails dressed in mourning. Never bite the nails; it not only is a most dis- agreeable habit, but tends to make the nails jagged, deformed and difficult to clean, besides giving a red and stumpy appearance to the finger-tips. On no account scrape the nails with a view to THE TOILETTE. 381 polishing their surface. Such an operation only tends to make them wrinkled and thick. The nails should be cut about once a week cer- tainly not oftener. This should be accomplished jush after washing, the nail being softer at such a time. Care should be taken not to cut them too short, though, if they are left too long, they will frequently get torn and broken. They should be nicely rounded at the corners. Recollect, the filbert- shaped nail is considered the most beautiful. Some people are troubled by the cuticle adhering to the nail as it grows. This may be pressed down with the towel after washing; or should that not prove efficacious, it must be loosened round the edge with some blunt instrument. It always results from carelessness and inattention to the minor details of the toilet, which is most rep- rehensible. Absolute smallness of a hand is not essential to beauty, which requires that the proper proportions should be observed in the human figure. Many a young girl remains idle for fear her hand will grow larger by wo'rk, The folly of this idea is only equal- ed by that of the Chinese woman who bandages the feet of her daughter and does not permit her to walk lest her feet should grow to the size Nature intended them. What are our hands made for if not for work? And that hand which does the most work in the world is the hand most to be honored and to be admired. The hand which remains small 382 THE TOILETTE. through inaction is not only not beautiful, but to be despised. People afflicted with moist hands should revolu- tionize their habits, take more out-door exercise and more frequent baths. They should adopt a nutri- tious but not over-stimulating diet, and perhaps take a tonic of some sort. Local applications of starch- powder and the juice of lemon may be used to advantage. With proper care the hand may be retained beau- tiful, soft and shapely, and yet perform its fair share of labor. The hands should always be protected by gloves when engaged in work calculated to injure them. Gloves are imperatively required for garden- work. The hands should always be washed carefully and dried thoroughly after such labor. If they are roughened by soap, rinse them in a little vinegar or lemon-juice, and they will become soft and smooth at once. THE FEET. If one would see a representation of a perfectly- formed foot, let him turn to the pictures of Guido and Murillo, who probably had for models the shape- ly feet of Italian and Spanish peasants, which never had known the bondage of a shoe. If a modern artist succeeds in painting a perfect foot, it must be looked upon as the result of inspira- tion, for surely he can find no models among the shoe- tortured, pinched and deformed feet of the men and women of the present day. THE TOILETTE. 83 We once had an opportunity to examine the feet of a modern fashionable lady feet which, encased in their dainty gaiters, were as long and narrow and as handsomely shaped as the most fastidious taste could require. But what a sight the bare foot presented I In its hideous deformity there was scarcely a trace of its original natural shape. The forward portion of the foot was squeezed and narrowed, the toes were pressed together and moulded into the shape of the narrow shoe. The ends of the toes, with the nails, were turned down ; the big toe, instead of standing a little apart from the others, was bent over toward them, and its outline formed one side of a triangle, of which the little toe and the ends of the interme- diate toes were the second side, and the end of the big toe the junction of the two sides. In addition to this, the toes and the ball of the big toe were covered with corns and calluses. This deformity and disease, existing, no doubt, in many a foot, we are called upon to regard as beauty wheu hidden in its encasing shoe! A well-formed foot is broad at the sole, the toes well spread, each separate toe perfect and rounded in form. The nails are regular and perfect in shape as those of the fingers. The second toe projects a little beyond the others, and the first or big toe stands slightly apart from the rest and is slightly lifted, as as we see in Murillo's beautiful picture of the infant Sd. John. The feet from the circumstance of their being so 384 THE TOILETTE. much confined by boots and shoes, require more care in washing than the rest of the body. Yet they do not always get this care. " How is it," asked a French lady, "that we are always washing our hands, while we never wash our feet?" We trust this statement of the case is not quite true, though we fear that with some individuals it somewhat ap- proaches it. The hands receive frequent washings every day. Once a week is quite as often as many people bestow the same attention upon the feet. A perfectly-shaped foot can hardly be hoped for in these days, when children's feet are encased in shoes from earliest infancy and Nature is not allow- ed to have her way at any time. In country places where children are allowed to run barefoot during the summer there is still some trace of beauty left ; and instead of its being regarded as a misfortune to be thus deprived of feet-covering, it should be es- teemed an advantage. " How dirty your hands are ! " exclaimed an as- tonished acquaintance to Lady Montague, whom she met in public with hands most decidedly unwashed. Ah!" replied that lady, in a tone of the utmost unconcern; "what would you say if you saw my feet?" And what would we say if we saw many people's feet? That they needed washing, certainly. A tepid bath, at about 80 or 90, should be used. The feet may remain in the water about five minutes, and the instant they are taken out they should be rapid- THE TOILETTE. 385 ly and thoroughly dried by being well rubbed with a coarse towel. Sometimes bran is used in the water. Some people are troubled with moist or damp feet. This complaint arises more particularly during the hot weather in summer-time, and the greatest care and cleanliness should be exercised in respect to it. Persons so afflicted should wash their feet twice a day in soap and warm water; after which they should put on clean socks. Should this fail to effect a cure, they may, after being washed as above, be rinsed, and then thoroughly rubbed with a mix- ture consisting of half a pint of warm water and three tablespoonfuls of concentrated solution of chloride of soda. After the bath is the time for paring the toe-nails, as they are so much softer and more pliant after having been immersed in warm water. Few things are more invigorating and refreshing after a long walk or getting wet in the feet than a tepid foot-bath, clean stockings and a pair of easy shoes. To avoid chilblains on the feet it is necessary to observe three rules: 1. Avoid getting the feet wet; if they become so, change the shoes and stockings at once. 2. Wear lamb's wool socks or stockings. 3. Never under any circumstances "toast your toes," before the fire, especially if you are very cold. Fre- quent bathing of the feet in a strong solution of alum is useful in preventing the coming of chilblains 386 THE TOILETTE. People who walk much are frequently afflicted with blisters, and many are the plans adopted for their prevention. Some soap their socks, some pour spirits in their shoes, others rub their feet with glyce- rine. The great point, however, is to have easy, well-fitting boots and woolen socks. Should blisters occur, a very good plan is to pass a large darning* needle threaded with worsted through the blister lengthwise, leaving, an inch or so of the thread out- side at each end. This keeps the scurf-skin close to the true skin, and prevents any grit or dirt entering. The thread absorbs the matter, and the old skin re- mains till the new one grows. A blister should not be punctured save in this manner, as it may degener- ate into a sore and become very troublesome. On the first indication of any redness of the toes and sensation of itching it would be well to rub them carefully with warm spirits of rosemary, to which a little turpentine has been added. Then a piece of lint soaked in camphorated spirits, opodeldoc or camphor liniment may be applied and retained on the part. Should the chilblain break, dress it twice daily with a plaster of equal parts of lard and beeswax, with half the quantity in weight of oil of turpentine. It is tolerably safe to say that those who wear loose, easy-fitting shoes and boots will never be troubled with corns. Some people are more liable to corns than others, and some will persist in the use of tightly-fitting shoes in spite of corns. Though THE TOILETTE. 387 these latter really deserve to suffer, it is still GUI duty to do what we can to remove that suffering. Pare the toe-nails squarer than those of the fin- gers. Keep them a moderate length long enough to protect the toe, but not so long as to cut holes in the stockings. Always cut the nails; never tear them, as is too frequently the practice. Be careful not to destroy the spongy substance below the nails, as that is the great guard to prevent them going into the quick. The toe-nails do not grow so fast as the finger- nails, but they should be looked after and trimmed at least once a fortnight. They are much more sub- ject to irregularity of growth than the finger-nails, owing to their confined position. If the nails show a tendency to grow in at the sides, the feet should be bathed in hot water, pieces of lint be introduced beneath the parts with an inward tendency, and the nail itself scraped longitudinally. The remedies for corns are innumerable. There is no doubt, however, that corns are the result of undue pressure and friction. According to the old formula, '* Remove the cause, and the effect will cease." But how to remove it? As a general preventive against corns adopt the plan of having several pairs of shoes or boots in constant use, and change every day. When the corn has asserted itself, felt corn-plasters may be procured of the drug- gist, taking care that you cut the aperture in them large enough to prevent any portion of them press- 388 THE TOILETTE. ing on the edges of the corn. Before long the corn will disappear. The great fault with modern shoes is that their soles are made too narrow, If one would secure perfect healthfulness of the feet, he should go to a shoemaker and step with his stockinged feet on a sheet of paper. Let the shoemaker mark with a pencil upon the paper the exact size of his foot, and then make him a shoe whose sole shall be as broad as this outlined foot. Still more destructive of the beauty and symmetry of our women's feet have been the high, narrow heels so much worn lately. They made it difficult to walk, and even in some cases permanently crip- pled the feet. A shoe, to be comfortable, should have a broad sole and a heel of moderate height, say one-half an inch, as broad at the bottom as at the top. EXPRESSION. BEAUTY AND ITS EXPRESSION SINGING AND PLAYING. CHAPTER 29. [HERE are many young women, who, when they sit down to the piano to sing, twist them- selves into so many contor- tions, and writhe their bodies and faces about into such actions and grimaces, as would almost incline one to believe that they are suffering great bodily torture. Their bosoms heave, their shoulders shrug, their heads swing to the right and left, their lips quiver, their eyes roll ; they sigh, they pant, they seem ready to expire ! And what is all this about ? They are merely playing a favorite concerto, or singing a new Italian song. If it were possible for these conceit-intoxicated warblers, these languishing dolls, to guess what ra- tional spectators say of their follies, they would be ready to break their instruments and be dumb for- ever. What they call expression in singing, at the rate 390 HINTS ON FEMALE BE A UTT. they would show it, is only fit to be exhibited on tha stage, when the character of the song intends to por- tray the utmost ecstasy of passion to a sighing swain, In short, such an echo to the words and music of a love-ditty, is very improper in any young woman who would wish to be thought as pure in heart as in per- son. If amatory addresses are to be sung, let the ex- pression be in the voice and the composition of the air, not in the looks and gestures of the lady -singer. The utmost that she ought to allow herself to do, when thus breathing out the accents of love, is to wear a serious, tender countenance. More than this is bad, and may produce reflections in the minds of the hearers very inimical to the reputation of the fair warbler. The attitude at a piano-forte is not happily adapt- ed to grace. From the shape of the instrument, the performer must sit directly in front of a straight line of keys ; and her own posture being correspondingly erect and square, it is hardly possible that it should not appear rather inelegant. But if it attain not the ne plus ultra of grace, she may prevent an air of stiff- ness ; she may move her hands easily on the keys, and bear her head with that elegance of carriage which cannot fail to impart its own character to the whole of her figure. If ladies, in meditating on grace of deportment, would rather consult the statues of fine sculptors, and the figures of excellent painters, than the lessons of their dancing-masters, or the dictates of their looking- HINTS ON FEMALE BEAUTY. 391 glasses, we should, doubtless, see simplicity where we now find affectation, and a thousand ineffable graces taking the place of the present regime of absurdity and conceit. It was by studying the perfect sculpture of Greece and Rome, that a certain lady of rank, eminent for her peculiarly beautiful attitudes, acquired so great a superiority m mien above her fair contemporaries of every court in which she became an inmate. It was by meditating on the classic pictures of Poussin, that one of the first tragic actresses on the French stage learned to move and look like the daughter of the sun. And by a similar study did Mrs. Siddons derive in- spiration from the pencil of Corregio and Rubens. THE VOICE AND DRESS. The voice of individuals, the tone they assume in speaking to strangers, or even familiarly to their friends, will lead a keen observer to discover what ele- ments the temper is made of. The low key belongs to the sullen, sulky, obstinate ; the shrill note to the pet- ulant, the pert, the impatient : some will pronounce the common and trite question, " How do you do ? " with such harshness and asperity that they seem positively angry with you that you should ever do at til. Some affect a lisping, which at once betrays childishness and downright nonsense ; others will bid their words gallop so swiftly that the ablest ear is unable to follow the rapid race, and gathers nothing but confused and unmeaning sounds. All these ex* 392 HINTS ON FEMALE BEAUTY. tremes are to be avoided, and, although nature has differently formed the organs of speech for different individuals, yet there is a mode to correct nature's own aberrations. If good-breeding and graceful refinement are ever most proper, they are always so. It is not sufficient that you are amiable and elegant in your deportment to strangers and to your acquaintance ; you must be undeviatingly so to your most intimate friends, to nearest relations, to father, mother, brothers, sisters, husband, wife. You must have no dishabille for them, either of mind or person. If you would always appear amiable, elegant and endearing to the beings with whom you are to spend your life, make those beings the first objects for Whose pleasure your accomplishments, your manners, and your dress are to be cultivated. Never appear before these tender relatives in the disgusting negli- gence of disordered and soiled clothes. By this has many a lovely girl lost her lover ; and by this has many an amiable wife alienated the affections of her husband. Let me, then, in one short sentence, in one tender adieu, my fair readers and endeared friends, enforce upon your minds, that if Beauty be woman's weapon, it must be feathered by the Graces, pointed by the eye of Discretion, and shot by the hand of Virtue ! Look, then, not merely to your mirrors, when you would decorate yourselves for conquest, but consult the speculum which will reflect your hearts and minds. HINTS ON FEMALE BE A UTY. 393 Remember that it is the affections of a sensible and reasonable soul you hope to subdue, and seek for arms likely to carry the fortress. BEAUTY OP PERSON. Beauty of person will ever be found a dead letter, unless it be animated with beauty of mind. " For 'tis the mind that makes the body rich." We must, then, not only cultivate the shape, the complexion, the air, the attire, the manners, but most assiduously must our attention be devoted to teach " the young idea how to shoot," and to fashion the unfolding mind to judgment and virtue. By such culture, it will not be merely the charming girl, the captivating woman we shall present to the world, but the dutiful daughter, .affectionate sister, tender wife, judicious mother, faithful friend, and amiable acquaintance. DIGNITY AND FAMILIARITY. We regard society as a grand machine, in which each member has the place best fitted for him ; or, to make use of a more common illustration, as a vast drama, in which every person has the part allotted to him most appropriate to his abilities. One enacts the general, others the subalterns, others the soldiery ; but all obey the Great Director, who best knows what is in man. Regarding things in this light, all arro- gance, all pride, all envy ings and contempt of others, from their relative degrees, disappear, as emotions to whixjh we have no pretensions. We neither endowed 394 HUMS ON FEMALE BEAUTY. ourselves with high birth nor eminent talents. "We are altogether beings of a creation independent of our own will ; and, therefore, bearing our own honors as a gift, not as a right, we should condescend to our in- feriors (whose place it might have been our lot to fill), and regard with deference our superiors, whom Heaven, by so elevating, has intended that we should respect. This sentiment of order in the mind, this conviction of the beautiful harmony in a well-organized civil so- ciety, gives us dignity with our inferiors, without al- loying it with the smallest particle of pride ; by keep- ing them at a due distance, we merely maintain our- selves and them in the rank in which a higher Power has placed us ; and the condescension of our general manners to them, and our kindnesses in their exigen- cies, and generous approbation of their worth, are sufficient acknowledgments of sympathy to show that we avow the same nature with themselves, the same origin, the same probation, the same end. Our demeanor with our equals is more a matter or policy. To be indiscreetly familiar, to allow of liber- ties being taken with your good nature, all this is likely to happen with people of the same rank as ourselves, unless we hold our mere acquaintance at a proper distance, by a certain reserve. A woman may be gay, ingenuous, perfectly amiable to her associates, and yet reserved. Avoid all sudden intimacies, nil needless secret-telling, all closeting about nonsense, caballing, taking mutual liberties with each other ia HINTS ON FEMALE BEAUTY. 395 regard to domestic arrangements ; in short, beware of familiarity ! The kind of familiarity which is com- mon in families, and amongst women of the same classes in society, is that of an indiscriminate gossip- ing ; an interchange of thoughts without any effusion of the heart. Then an unceremonious way of re- proaching each other, for a real or supposed neglect ; a coarse manner of declaring your faults ; a habit of jangling on trifles ; a habit of preferring your own whims or ease before that of the persons about you ; an indelicate way of breaking into each other's pri- vacy. In short, doing everything that declares the total oblivion of all politeness and decent manners. This series of errors happens every day amongst brothers and sisters, husbands and wives, and female acquaintances; and what are the consequences? Distaste, disgust, everlasting quarrels and perhaps total estrangement in the end ! I have seen many families bound together by the tenderest affection ; I have seen many hearts wrought into each other by the sweet amalgamation of friend- ship ; but with none did I ever find this delicious foretaste of the society in Elysium, where a never- failing politeness was not mingled in all their thoughts, words and actions to each other. SERVANTS. CHAPTER 30. OR fear of being suspected of that mean and ungenerous sentiment of desiring to make others feel that difference which fortune has, and perhaps too unde- servedly made between us, I am more upon my guard, as to my behavior to my servants and to others who are called my inferiors than I am towards my equals. It would be difficult to express the sense of etiquette on this subject better than by these words of Lord Chesterfield. Much has been said respecting bad servants, and there are a great many bad ones amongst the numer- ous class ; but it is more their misfortune than their fault ; they are for the most part taken from a class of society who do not attend properly to the training of their children, and are placed too frequently with those who pay no attention to their comfort. Treat your servants always with kindness but at the same time with firm respect for yourself; on no account be familiar with them, neither hear their tat- tle, nor tattle with them, and you will have at least a chance of sometimes making them attentive, zealous, 899 SERVANTS. 397' and grateful, rud of having your services performed with order and alacrity. Do not scold your servants ; you had better turn them away at once. When they need reproof, give them it in a calm, dignified and firm manner ; but on no account, if you can possibly avoid it, find fault with them in the presence of strangers, even though they should let fall the tray with your best set of china upon it. The ton of the mistress of a house is often affected, if not measured, by that of her servants ; take care, therefore, to make them civil and polite teach them to assist your visitors in putting off and on their over- coats, cloaks, &c. and let them always be ready to open the door when your guests arrive or depart. Accustom your servants never to appear before you too slatternly or too finely dressed ; never allow them to enter into conversation with each other in your presence, nor to answer you by signs or coarse terms. If you have only one servant, talk of her by her Christian name ; if you have more, talk of them by the names of their offices, such as nurse, cook, house- maid, butler, footman, but always address them by their Christian names. Although you must avoid all familiar confidential conversation, never speak to your servants with hau- teur nor harshness. Never entertain your visitors with any narrative of your servants' improprieties. Give no o< vwJon for them to complain of you; 398 SERVANTS. but never suffer yourself to complain of them with- out first ascertaining that your complaint is just, see- iiig that it has attention, and that the fault com- plained of is remedied. Beware of giving servants the inch; there is no class so prone, under such circumstances, to take the ell. If staying in a friend's house, you may assume, to a certain extent, that your friend's servants are your servants. But this must be only so far as you are yourself concerned. You must not, on any account, give directions respecting the general conduct of the menage. For all your own personal wants, however, you are free to command their services. Ask for anything, under their control, that may be lacking in your own room ; do not send them on errands, how- ever, without first ascertaining that it will not inter- fere with their regular routine of household duty. It is contrary to all laws of etiquette to trouble your host or hostess with all your petty wants. Never apologize for the trouble you give them ; but if you should, through illness or other cause, oc- casion more work than a visitor ordinarily brings to a household, let the gift, which, in any case, you would make to the servants on leaving the house, be somewhat heavier than would otherwise have been necessary. This question of fees to servants is a very impor- tant one. Many people are disposed to regard it as an imposition which is tolerated only through the SERVANTS. :399 force of custom. Others view it in the light of pay- ing for an extra burden, which their presence has laid upon the servant's shoulders. The latter view, if not entirely the correct one, is, at least, as reason* able as the former, and a generous nature will prob- ably adopt it. " But all cannot afford to make these presents," and " The servants are hired on the ex- press understanding that they will have to serve their employer's guests, as part of the work they are engaged to do." With regard to the amount of fees to servants in a -household, it is not possible to lay down any precise rule. Much must depend on the length of the visit, the position of the master of the house, and the po- sition in which you are supposed to stand toward him ; and on each of these points you must exercise your own discretion, and consult your own means or generosity. Gentlemen give fees to the men servants only, as a general rule, and ladies give to the female servants only ; and though the strict observance of this rule may seem at times to work injustice, it is better to adhere .to it than to mar the comfort and position of those who come after you, and who may not have the means of being liberal over and above the pre- scribed standard. At a dinner party, an evening company, a ball, or like occasions, it is customary, on coming away, to give a trifle, the gentleman to the waiter who hands him his hat, etc., the lady to the attendant in the 400 SERVANTS. dressing-room; but you are not called upon to re- member every servant in attendance. Fees to railway porters and others are certainly not required by the rules of etiquette to be paid. The payment of them is indeed forbidden by many of the railway companies ; but the receiving of them is winked at, the result being that travelers who want attendance are, for the most part, obliged to pay for it. The system is, however, a pernicious one, and travelers should discourage it as much as possible, if only for the sake of those who cannot af- ford to sustain it. It is generally wise and right, after a due experi- ence of the principles and intentions of servants, to place confidence in their honesty, and to let them have the comfort of knowing that you do so. At the same time never cease to exercise a system of super- vision. The great principle of housekeeping is regu- larity, and without this (one of the most difficult of the minor virtues to practice), all efforts to promote order must be ineffectual. In this country, servants are proverbially more troublesome than in Europe, where service is often transmitted through generations in one family. Here, the housekeeper is obliged to change often, taking frequently the most ignorant of the lower classes of foreigners to train into good and useful servants, only to have them become dissatisfied as soon as they become acquainted with others, who instil the republican doctrine of perfect equality into their SERVANTS. 401 minds, ruining them for good servants. There are some points of etiquette, however, upon which every lady should insist : Never allow a servant to keep people waiting upon the door-step. Never allow servants to treat any one disrespect- fully. Never allow servants to turn their own proper duties over to the children or other servants by a bribe. Many fond parents would be amazed if they knew how much running and actual work was per- formed by little Nellie or Charlie, and how many fits of mysterious indigestion were caused by the rich cake, candy, or half-ripe fruit that paid for the service and bribed the silence. Never allow a servant to keep a visitor standing parleying on the door- step, while she holds the door ajar. Train the door-servant to admit any caller promptly, show them to the parlor, bring up their cards at once, and return with your answer or mes- HOME DECORATION. FLOWERS. CHAPTER 31. HERE is nothing cheaper, there is nothing more beautiful, there is nothing that makes a house more cheerful than flowers. They are ready and willing to smile in beauty and loveliness on all who will cultivate their acquaintance and give them hospitality. Here is an example which will cost very little besides the labor : Take an old tin pan condemned to the retired list by reason of holes in the bottom, get twenty-five cents' worth of green paint for this and other purposes, and paint it. The holes in the bottom are a recommendation for its new service. If there are no holes, you must drill two or three, a* drainage is essential. Now put a layer one inch deep of broken charcoal and potsherds over the bottom, ancj then soil, in the following proportions : Two-fourths wood soil, such as you find in foresta under trees. One-fourth clean sand. 402 A 4s p fgw HOME DECORATIONS. HOME DECORATION. 403 One-fourth meadow-soil, taken from under fresh turf. Mix with this some charcoal dust. In this soil plant all sorts of ferns, together with some few swamp-grasses ; and around the edge put a border of money-plant or periwinkle to hang over. This will need to be watered once or twice a week, and it will grow and thrive all summer long in a corner of your room. Should you prefer, you can suspend it by wires and make a hanging-basket. Ferns and wood-grasses need not have sunshine they grow well in shadowy places. On this same principle you can convert a salt-box or an old drum of figs into a hanging-basket. Tack bark and pine-cones and moss upon the outside of it, drill holes and pass wires through it, and you have a woodland hanging-basket, which will hang and grow in any corner of your house. We have been into rooms which, by the simple dis- position of articles of this kind, have been made to have an air so poetical and attractive that they seem- ed more like a nymph's cave than anything in the real world. Another mode of disposing of ferns is this : Take a flat piece of board sawed out something like a shield, with a hole at the top for hanging it up. Upon the board nail a wire-pocket made of an ox- muzzle flattened on one side ; or make something of the kind with stiff wire. Line this with a sheet of close moss, which appears green behind the wire net- work. Then you fill it with loose, spongy moss, such 404 HOME DECORATION. as you find in swamps, and plant therein great plumes of fern and various swamp-grasses ; they will con- tinue to grow there, and hang gracefully over. When watering, set a pail under for it to drip into. It needs only to keep this moss always damp, and to sprinkle these ferns occasionally with a whisk-broom, to have a most lovely ornament for your room or hall. The use of ivy in decorating a room is beginning to be generally acknowledged. It needs to be plant- ed in the kind of soil we have described, in a well- drained pot or box, and to have its leaves thoroughly washed once or twice a year in strong suds made with soft soap, to free it from dust and scale-bug : and an ivy will live and thrive and wind about in a room, year in and year out, will grow around pic- tures, and do almost anything to oblige you that you can suggest to it. Pretty brackets can be made of common pine, or- namented with odd-growing twigs or mosses or roots, scraped and varnished, or in their native state. A beautiful ornament for a room with pictures is German ivy. Slips of this will start without roots in bottles of water. Slide the bottle behind the picture, and the ivy will seem to come from fairyland, and hang its verdure in all manner of pretty curves around the picture. It may then be trained to travel toward other ivy, and thus aid in forming green cornice along the ceiling. We have seen some rooms that had an ivy cornice around the whole, giving tho air of a leafy bower. HOME DECORATION. 403 There are some other odd devices to ornament a room. For example, a sponge, kept wet by daily immersion, can be filled with flax-seed and suspended by a cord, when it will ere long be covered with ver- dure and afterward with flowers. A sweet potato, laid in a bowl of water on a bracket, or still better, suspended by a knitting- needle, run through or laid across the bowl half in the water, will, in due time, make a beautiful ver- dant ornament. A large carrot, with the smallest half cut off, scooped out to hold water and then sus- pended with cords, will send out graceful shoots in rich profusion. Half a cocoa-nut shell, suspended, will hold earth or water for plants, and make a pretty hanging- garden. The best foundations are the cheap wooden bowls, which are quite easy to get, and the walks in the woods can be made interesting by bringing home material for this rustic work. Different colored twigs and sprays of trees, such as the bright scarlet of the dog-wood, the yellow of the willow, the black of the birch, and the silvery gray of the poplar, may be combined in fanciful net-work. For this sort of work, no other investment is needed than a hammer and an assortment of different-sized tacks, and beau- tiful results will be produced. But the greatest and cheapest and most delightful fountain of beauty is a " Ward case." J^ow, immediately all our economical friends give 406 HOME DECORATION. up in despair. Ward's cases sell all the way along from eighteen to fifty dollars, and are, like every- thing else in this lower world, regarded as the sole perquisites of the rich. It is true that plate glass, and hot-house plants, and rare patterns, are the especial inheritance of the rich ; but any family may command all the requisites of a Ward case for a very small sum. Such a case is a small glass closet over a well-drained box of soil. You make a Ward case on a small scale when you turn a tumbler over a plant. The glass keeps the temperature moist and equable, and preserves the plants from dust, and the soil being well drained, they live and thrive accordingly. The requisites of these are the glass top and the bed of well-drained soil. Suppose you have a common cheap table, four feet long and two wide. Take off the top boards of your table, and with them board the bottom across tight and firm ; then line it with zinc, and you will have a sort of box or sink on legs. Now make a top of common window -glass such as you would get for a cucumber-frame ; let it be two and a half feet high, with a ridge-pole like a house, and a slanting roof of glass resting on this ridge-pole ; on one end let there be a door two feet square. We have seen a Ward case made in this way, in which the capabilities for producing ornamental effect were greatly beyond many of the most elabo- rate ones of the shops. It was large, and roomy, HOME DECORATION. 407 and cheap. Common window-sash and glass are not dear, and any man with moderate ingenuity could fashion such a glass closet for his wife ; or a woman, not having such a husband, can do it herself. The sink or DOX part must have in the middle of it a hole of good size for drainage. In prepariDg for the reception of plants, first turn a plant-saucer over this hole, which may otherwise become stopped. Then, as directed for 'the other basket, proceed with a layer of broken charcoal and potsherds for drain- age, two inches deep, and prepare the soil as directed Above, and add to it some pounded charcoal, or the scrapings of the charcoal-bin. In short, more or less charcoal and charcoal-dust are always in order in the treatment of these moist subjects, as it keeps them from fermenting and growing sour. Now for filling the case. Our own native forest-ferns have a period in the winter months when they cease to grow. They are very particular in asserting their right to this yearly nap, and will not on any consideration, grow for you out of their appointed season. Nevertheless, we shall tell you what we have tried ourselves, because greenhouse ferns are expensive, and often great cheats when you have bought them, and die on your hands in the most reckless and shameless manner. If you make a Ward case in the spring, your ferns will grow beautifully in it all sum- mer ; and in the autumn, though they stop growing, and cease to throw out leaves, yet the old leaves will 408 HOME DECORATION. remain fresh and green till the time for starting the new ones in the spring. But, supposing you wish to start your case in the (all, out of such things as you can find in the forest ; by searching carefully the rocks and clefts and reces- ses of the forest, you can find a quantity of beautiful ferns whose leaves the frost has not yet assailed. Gather them carefully, remembering that the time of the plant's sleep has come, and that you must make the most of the leaves it now has, as you will not have a leaf more from it till its waking-up time in February or March. But we have succeeded, and you will succeed, in making a very charming and picturesque collection. You can make in your Ward case lovely little grottoes with any bits of shells and minerals, and rocks you may have; you can lay down, here and there, fragments of broken looking- glass for the floor of your grottoes, and the effect of them will be magical. A square of looking-glass introduced into the back side of your case will pro- duce charming effects. The trailing arbutus or May-flower, if cut up care- fully in sods, and put into this Ward case, will come into bloom there a month sooner than it otherwise would, and gladden your eyes and heart. In the fall, if you can find the tufts of eye-bright or Houstonia cerulia, and mingle them in with your mosses, you will find them blooming before the winter is well over. But among the most beautiful things for such c HOME DECORATION. 409 case is the partridge-berry, with its red plums. The berries swell and increase in the moist atmosphere, and become intense in color, forming an admirable ornament. Then the ground pine, the princess pine, and vari- ous nameless pretty things of the woods, all flourish in these little conservatories. In getting your sod of trailing arbutus, remember that this plant forms its buds in the fall. You must, therefore, examine your sod carefully, and see if the buds are there ; otherwise you will find no blossoms in the spring. There are one or two species of violets, also, that form their buds in the fall, and these, too, will blos- som early for you. We have never tried the wild anemones, the crow- foot, etc. ; but as they all do well in moist, shady places, we recommend hopefully the experiment of putting some of them in. A Ward case has this recommendation over com- mon house-plants, that it takes so little time and care. If well made in the outset, and thoroughly drenched with water when the plants are first put in, it will after that need only to be watered about once a month, and to be ventilated by occasionally leaving open the door for a half-hour or hour when the moist- ure obscures the glass and seems in excess. AMUSEMENTS. CHAPTER 32. HREE things are to be borne in mind while getting up amuse- ments for a party. First, to get up an entertain- ment that as many as possible can partake in, for participation is a part of enjoyment. Second, That in the entertain- ment there shall be nothing to which there can be any objection, or which shall cause unpleasant remark and leave unpleasant memories. Third, That the real object of the amusement shall be gained, namely, that all shall be amused. There are many amusements to which attention could be directed, among which are SHAKESPEARE READINGS. Shakespeare reading clubs, amateur dramas, cha- rades, and tableaux are deservedly the popular home amusements of the present day. They certainly strengthen the lungs and memory, and improve the intellectual tastes. These amusements are peculiarly adapted to enliven long winter evenings, and they AMVSMMENT& 411 furnish a far better way of spending an evening than in more sentimental and childish games, that may be- come a party of children, but ill become a company of men and women. Some clubs read Shakespeare alone. It is most certainly a noble study, and one we can never weary of. Few can hope ever to excel in delineating Shake- speare. Therefore it is well, if we meet together for social enjoyment as well as improvement, to have a variety of plays, such as Sheridan Knowles's plays. Also, it is an admirable way of learning to converse easily in German and French to read plays in the different languages. In reading these plays, the parts, in the beginning, should be given to different members. The librettos of many excellent plays can be bought for a very small sum, such as " Ion," " Hunchback," " William Tell," " Love's Sacrifice," and many other excellent old plays. These small books are less cum- bersome to carry around. It is well, before the club meets to read any play, to have each person read over his or her part, so as to be able to comprehend the character. Therefore the play to be read at each reading should be given out at the close of every meeting, and the parts selected, each member having an equal share. Such clubs are far more agreeable to their members, and less likely to cause unpleasant rivalries, than clubs for private theatricals, as private actors are often jealous, for human nature, alas ! is weak. 2 AMUSEMENTS. PEIVATE DRAMAS. Private dramas amuse a large circle of friends, and any club willing to undertake the presentation of plays deserve the thanks of their audience. Even a simple farce requires much labor and fre- quent rehearsals to be well acted, and one soon wea- ries of the constant repetition of even witty sayings. The most trivial character must be carefully studied, for one bad actor often destroys the effect of the whole play. Then the footlights, stage, &c., must be prepared. A few directions, with a list of easy farces, may be of service. AU who live in cities can easily hire scenery, dresses, &c., but for the benefit of towns and villages, we will give a short account of how such things can be managed. Some lady can almost always be found who will give the use of her house. A house should be select- ed which has two parlors, connected by large folding- doors or an arch ; one parlor being for the audience, and the other for the stage. All the furniture and carpets should be taken from the latter room. A rough staging should be built (boards can be easily hired), and by boring a hole in the floor, a gas-pipe can be run up along the front of the staging, with a sufficient number of burners. Tin shades painted green (as they render the light softer, and more agree- able to the eye), are an addition, for they keep the light from the audience, and throw it directly on the actors. A large floor-cloth can be nailed on the stage AMUSKMENTS. AMUSEMENTS. 4 *3 for a carpet. A drop-curtain, so arranged as to be rolled up quickly and easily, by means of a cord-pul- ley at one side of the stage, where the prompter sits, just out of sight of the audience, is necessary. Scen- ery for the sides and back parts of the stage can be roughly painted on cloth ; it answers every purpose of canvas, by being strained when wet, over light wooden frames (made so as to be easily moved); when dry, it presents a smooth, hard surface. Each member should provide his or her own dress. To give the required expressions to the faces, a box of good water-colors, some fine chalk-powder, camel's- hair pencils, and rouge-saucers are wanted. To make frowns, scowls, or comical expressions, such as a broad grin, smirk, or simper, stand before a mirror and as- sume the desired expression ; then trace the wrinkles produced with a fine brush of the brown tint ; this will fix the required expression on your face. Kouge is best applied with the finger. Burnt cork is excel- lent for darkening eyebrows and making moustaches, also for representing leanness, which will be done by applying a faint tint just under the eyes, on the sides of the cheeks, and under the lower lip. A strong mark running from the corner of the nose down to- ward the corner of the mouth on each side marks age or emaciation. A few directions may be of use in regard to th* preparation of theatrical dresses. Powdered wigs can be made of tow, ravelled yarn, or gray-colored horse hair ; beards and moustache of the same, or a 414 AMUSEMENTS. piece of buffalo-skin. Ermine can be made of cotton flannel, with tags of lion-skin cloth sewed on, or black tags painted. Pelisse wadding is sometimes used. Crowns and sceptres are easily made of pasteboard and gold paper. Velvet talma-cloaks, capes, or even the loose velvet sack, can be converted into cavalier- cloaks (the armholes in the sack must be fastened up on the inside) by fastening them gracefully over one shoulder. Then put on a large old-fashioned lace collar, ruffles around the hand, a Kossuth hat, looped up on one side with a paste-pin or buckle, fastening a white or black plume (taken from some lady's bon- net), stockings drawn over the pantaloons and fas- tened at the knees with bows and buckles ; and, lo ! with but little trouble, you have a fine cavalier of the olden times. "With old finery and little ingenuity, a theatrical wardrobe can be quickly made, if all are willing to do their part, but the larger share of the work is generally done by a few. Rocks can be made by throwing plain gray blanket -shawls over ottomans, tables, &c. Kain may be imitated by dropping peas in a tin pan ; thunder, by rattling sheet-iron ; light- ning, by means of a tin tube, larger at one end than the other, and filled with powdered resin. The smaller end of the tube should be open, the other end so managed that the resin may sift through. Shake the tube over a lamp, or blow the resin through a plain tube into the flame of a lamp, and you will have a good imitation of lightning. AMUSEMENTS. * 15 CHARADE& There is no game that can aftora so much amuse- ment to a circle of friends as that 01 acting charades. It affords a scope for the exercise of both wit and ingenuity. A word must be chosen, in which the syllables may be rendered into some kind of a lively performance, and the whole word must be capable of similar rep- resentation. Then the plan of action must be agreed upon. Old-fashioned garments, gay shawls, scarfs, old coats, hats, aprons, gowns, etc., must be looked up for the occasion, and speedily converted into vari- ous and grotesque costumes, suited to the representa- tion to be made. By exercising a little ingenuity, very fine charades can be acted " impromptu." Speed, in all preparations, is quite necessary to success, as an audience is always impatient. If it is determined to have charades at a party, the lady of the house should arrange dresses, plan of action, and subjects beforehand. She can generally tell who can assist her best. If all the arrangements can be made with- out the knowledge of her guests, the effect will be greatly increased. This is also an improving game for a family of children. Write the plot and a simple iialogue, and let them learn it ; it will be a good ex- ercise for the memory, and teach them ease of man- ner ; but let them only act before a home circle. For a good charade party, twelve or more persons are desirable, and two rooms, connecting by sliding 416 AMUSEMENTS. or folding doors, are the most convenient, though two connecting by only a single door will do, if the party is not a large one. First, two persons should be chosen managers ; then the managers must choose sidec, so that the company will be about equally divided. The sides then take separate rooms, to become, alternately, actors and audience ; the managers draw lots to see which side shall act first. Those that are to begin, first choose a word, then proceed to represent it. A common way is to divide the word into syllables, and present one at each scene, then, after having gone through the word, if the other side cannot guess it, a scene is given to represent the whole word. When all is ready for a scene, the door is thrown open for the others to look in and guess it. Frequently a whole word is given at once in one scene. The man ager must always announce whether one syllable or more is given. After giving the audience time to guess it or give it up, the^ parties change rooms, and the other side must act ; they will, of course, have their word selected and all arrangements made, as they had sufficient time while waiting for the others. In acting the word, each party must try to mystify the other, yet the syllable must be well represented ; but there can be by-play to divert the audience from the real word. The party that guesses the whole word the soonest are considered the conquering party. Care must be taken not to let the actors AMUSEMENTS. 417 know if the audience guess the word before it is fully acted. Sometimes in the place of words, proverbs are acted. Each word is acted in turn, or two words are acted in one scene ; if the latter, before the scene is acted, some one of the actors can inform the audience that they will act two words of the proverb. For the sake of learners we will suggest a few words and proverbs that can be acted. Do-na-tion; con-ju-gate ; so-li-cit ; dumb-found ; slow and sure ; all is not gold that glitters ; a stitch in time saves nine ; little pitchers have big ears. TABLEAUX YIVANTS. Tableaux vivants, as commonly represented, are so well understood that no directions are necessary ; but some of our readers may not have heard of the illustration of poems, etc., by a series of living pic- tures. This is far more interesting than simply to personify some one picture. Still another way is to represent the different verses and scenes in a song in pantomime, while at the same time some one who is a good musician sings the verses of the song, as they are represented. For instance, " The Mistletoe Bough:" first represent a room decorated with green, a company assembled, gayly dressed and dancing, while a lady or gentleman behind the scene sings the verse represented in distinct tones, and so on through the whole song ; the last scene, represent- ing children in a lumber-room opening an old chest, 418 AMUSEMENTS. and exposing a skeleton, old flowers, etc. "Auld Robin Gray," " The Three Fishers," "O, they marched through the Town," " She wore a Wreath oJ* Roses," v< The Minstrel's Eeturn from the War," are all excellent ballads to represent. TABLEAUX OF STATUARY. This is a new form of tableaux, and if weh 1 doca. exceedingly beautiful. To prepare and arrange groups of statuary, re- quires artistic skill, patience, and steady nerves ; the two last qualities are necessary for those actiug as statues. A lady who excels in preparing groups of statues, as we can testify, has kindly permitted us to give to the public her manner of preparing them. First, some effective groups of statuary must be selected, and carefully examined. Then those per- sons who are willing to gratify their friends by act- ing as statues, can be arranged in the different groups according to their fitness ; those acting as statues require marked features, and in most groups fine figures to build upon, as drapery conceals minor faults. All that can be prepared before the evening ? are the head-gear and the articles for drapery. A cap must be made of white linen or cotton, closely fitting the head. Take candle-wicking, and knit it on common sized ivory needles, wet it in hot water, and iron it dry. Then ravel it out, and cut it into the desirable lengths, and fasten it to the cap like a wig. AMUSEMENTS. * When placed on the head, this candle-wicking can be arranged according to the statue to be repre- sented, and it will resemble the hair carved in mar- ble. If expense is not to be considered, the dra- pery should be made of cotton flannel, as it hangs heavier, and is more easily arranged than sheets, which are generally used to save expense. From three to four sheets are often required for the dra- pery of one person, as it is necessary to hang in such heavy folds to look like marble. One is usually doubled up and tied around the waist, the others folded, tied, and pinned, to resemble the drapery of the statue represented ; rules are impossible to give, as the arrangement can only be made by an ingen- ious as well as an artistic person. Now comes the most disagreeable part, that of painting all exposed parts, such as neck, face, hands, or feet, to resemble marble. First, common whiting must be mixed smoothly in water, the consistency of milk. This is put on with a shaving brush, and every part wholly covered with this preparation; let that nearly dry, then rub it in with the hand, then rub in lily white, to give the flesh, besides the whiteness of marble, the soft look of polished marble. The lips are finished at the last moment. Old white stocking legs drawn over the arms will save the trouble of painting them. Then the statues are ready to be grouped for exhibi- tion. Any person who is nervous, restless, and easily inclined to laugh, cannot act as a statue. It is not possible to realize the beauty of such a group of 420 AMUSEMENTS. living statuary, when well done, unless it has been once seen. We advise those attempting to get up exhibitions for the benefit of some charitable object, to try a few groups of living statuary ; it is very effective to an audience. LIGHTS AND SHADES. If you wish to throw the background of a tableau into shadow, place screens between the lights at the sides of the stage and that part of the picture you wish to have dark ; vice versa with the foreground. Particular points or characters may be more brill- iantly lighted than others, by placing at the side of the stage a strong light within a large box, open at one side, and lined with bright tin reflectors. Lights of different colors can be thrown succes- sively on a picture, and made to blend one with another, by placing the various colored fires in boxes three feet square, open at one side, and lined with reflectors. Those arranged at the sides of the stage on pivots can be turned on, one after another, so as to throw their light on the stage. Before one light has entirely vanished from the scene, a different color should gradually take its place. FTIQUETTE WITH CHILDREN. ETIQUETTE WITH CHILDREN. CHAPTER 33. TILES of strict etiquette forbid taking a child when making formal calls, as they are a re- straint upon conversation, even if they are not troublesome about touching forbidden ar- ticles, or teasing to go home. Never take a child to a fu- neral, or to the house of mourning. Never allow a child to take a meal at a friend's house without special invitation. It is impossible to know how much she may be incon- venienced, while her regard for the mother would deter her from sending the little visitor home again. Never allow a child to handle goods in a store. Never send for children to meet visitors in the drawing-room, unless the visitors themselves request to see them. Make their stay then very brief, and be careful that they are not troublesome. Never take a child to church until it is old enough to remain perfectly quiet. Although you may be accus- tomed to its restless movements, and not disturbed by them, others near you will certainly feel annoyed by them. It is not etiquette to put a child to sleep in the 421 422 ETIQUETTE WITH CHILDREN. room of a guest, nor to allow children to go at all to a guest's room, unless especially invited to do so, and even then to make long stay there. Etiquette excludes children from all companies given to grown persons, all parties and balls, except such as are especially given for their pleasure. When invited to walk or drive, never take a child, unless it has been invited, or you have requested permission to do so ; even in the latter case, the con- sent is probably given more from good-nature than from any desire to have a juvenile third to the party. Never crowd children into pic-nic parties, if they have not been invited. They generally grow weary and very troublesome before the day is over. Never take a child to spend the day with a friend unless it has been included in the invitation. Never allow children to be in the drawing-room if strangers are present. Never permit children to handle the ornaments in the drawing-room of a friend. Never allow a child to pull a visitor's dress, play with the jewelry or ornaments she may wear, take her parasol or satchel for a plaything, or in any way annoy her. Train children early to answer politely when ad- dressed, to avoid restless, noisy motions when in company, and gradually inculcate a love of the gentle courtesies of life. By making the rules of etiquette habitual to them, you remove all awkward- ness and restraint from their manners when they are aid enough to go into society. ETIQUETTE WITH CHILDREN. 423 Never send a child to sit upon a sofa with grown people, unless they express a desire to have it do so. Never crowd a child into a carriage seat between two grown people. Never let a child play with a visitor's hat or cane. If children are talented, be careful you do not weary your friends, and destroy their own modesty by "showing them off," upon improper occasions. What may seem wonderful to a mother, may be an unutterable weariness to a guest, too polite to allow the mother to perceive the incipient yawn. Never allow children to visit upon the invitation of other children. "When they are invited by the older members of the family, it is time to put on their " best bibs and tuckers." The custom for having children in the drawing- room for morning or evening parties, or in the din- ing-room with the dessert at dinner companies, is not only often an annoyance to the guests, but bad for the children themselves. It is one of the first duties of parents to train their children at home as they would have them appear abroad. An English lady writes thus : " If, then, we desire that our children shall become ladies and gentlemen, can we make them so, think you, by lavishing money upon foreign professors, dancing-masters, foreign travel, tailors, and dress- makers? Ah, no! good breeding is far less costly, and begins far earlier than those things. Let our little ones be nurtured in an atmosphere of gentleness and kindness from the nursery upwards ; let them 424 ETIQUETTE WITH CHILDREN. grow up in a home where a rude gesture or an ill- tempered word are alike unknown ; where between father and mother, master and servant, mistress and maid, friend and friend, parent and child, brother and sister, prevails the law of truth, of kindness, of Consideration for others, and forgetfulness of self. Can they carry into the world, whither we send them later, aught of coarseness, of untruthfulness, of slat- ternliness, of vulgarity, if their home has been orderly, if their parents have been refined, their ser- vants well mannered, their friends and playmates kindly and carefully trained as themselves ? Do we want our boys to succeed in the world ; our girls to be admired and loved ; their tastes to be elegant ; their language choice ; their manners simple, charm- ing, refined, and graceful; their friendship elevating? Then we must ourselves be what we would have our children to be, remembering the golden maxim, that good manners, like charity, must begin at home. " Good manners are an immense social force. We should, therefore, spare no pains to teach our children what to do, and what to avoid doing, in their pathway through life. "On utilitarian as well as social principles, we should try to instruct our children in good manners ; for whether we wish them to succeed in the world, or to adorn society, the point is equally important. We must never lose sight of the fact, that here teachers and professors can do little, and that the only way in which it is possible to acquire the habits of good society is, to live in no other*" ETIQUETTE FOR BAPTISMS. CHAPTER 34. 'IFFERENT churches have their own peculiar forms for the bap- tism of infants, but there are certain customs and observan- ces which hold in the world of good society, independent of the religious ceremonies. A few hints will suffice, as each sect has its own peculiar forms known to the members of that church ; we do not profess to guide these, but merely the worldly observances. It is not customary to invite mere acquaintances to be godfather or godmother to an infant; these should be tried friends of long standing, or better still, near relations, to whom the obligations thus im- posed will be pleasures and not tasks. It is customary for the maternal grandmother and the paternal grandfather to act as sponsors for the first child ; the paternal grandmother and the mater- nal grandfather as sponsors for the second child. If the grand-parents are not living, the nearest relatives of the same church should be invited. It is unkind, as well as impolite, to refuse to act in this capacity towards children who, from poverty or other reasons, may occupy an inferior position in society to your own. Never invite any friends to be godfather or god- 425 428 ETIQUETTE FOR BAPTISMS. mother, wlio are not of the same church as the child to be baptized. "When you are invited to stand godfather or god- mother to an infant, never refuse without grave cause, and then do so immediately, that the parents may have time to make other arrangements. It is customary to allow the grandmother herself to select the godfather. In the Protestant churches, it is customary to de- fer the baptism until the mother of the child can be present It is always- desirable to have the ceremony per- formed in the church, if possible ; but if there is a necessity for it, such as the illness of the child or the parents, it can take place in the house of the parents, by their special request. No one should ever offer to act as sponsor for a child. It is the privilege of the parents to make the selection amongst their relatives or friends. It is customary for the sponsors to make the babe a present. If it is a little boy, the godfather gives a silver cup, with the full name engraved upon it, and the godmother some pretty piece of silver, jewelry, or dress. If a little girl, it is the godmother who gives the cup, and the godfather the other gift. Where the sponsors are wealthy, it is not unusual to fill the christening-cup with gold pieces. The god-mother often adds to her gift the christening robe and cap, both trimmed with white ribbons for a babe should wear only pure white when presented for baptism. ETIQUETTE FOR BAPTISMS. 427 It is contrary to etiquette to invite young persons to stand as sponsors for an infant. In the Roman Catholic Church, it is customary to baptize an infant as soon as possible. If the child is very delicate, it is customary to send at once for the priest, and have the ceremony performed in the bed-room ; but if the babe is healthy and likely to live, it is usually taken to the church for baptism, as young as the physician will permit. In entering the church, the nurse, carrying the child, goes first ; then follow the sponsors, who do not walk arm-in-arm ; then the father, and after him .the invited guests. "When the ceremony commences, the sponsors stand on each side of the child, the godfather on the right, and the godmother on the left. The babe should be held lying in the arms of the nurse, its head upon the right arm. The cap should be tied so as to be easily unfastened and removed. When the priest asks who are the sponsors of the child, it is sufficient for them to incline the head, without speaking. Baptism is a gratuitous ceremony in the church, but it is customary for the father to present some token to the clergyman, in the name of the babe, or, where parents are wealthy, to make a handsome dona- tion to the poor of the parish, through the clergyman. If the ceremony is performed at the house of the parents, a carriage must be sent to the house of the clergyman to convey him to the house of the parents, 428 ETIQUETTE FOR BAPTISMS. and wait until after the ceremony, to convey him home again. It is extremely rude to expect a clergy- man to provide his own conveyance, or to walk. Friends invited to a christening usually carry some gift to the babe ; gentlemen a gift of silver, and ladies some pretty piece of needlework. If the ceremony is performed in the house of the parents, or if the guests return there from the church, the only refreshments required are cake and wine. The father usually gives a present of money to the nurse who carries the babe to the church. It is not etiquette to remain long at a christening ; and it is better taste for the infant to be removed to the nursery as soon as the ceremony is over. To keep a weary mother sitting up entertaining guests, or a cross, tired child on exhibition, are either of them in bad taste. For a guest to show any annoyance if a child cries loudly, or is in any way troublesome, is the height of rudeness. Remarks or even frowns are forbidden entirely, even if the infant screams so as to make the voice of the clergyman entirely inaudible. Etiquette requires that the babe be praised if it is shown to the guests, even if it is a little monster of pink ugliness. Ladies, especially mothers, will see something beautiful, if only its helpless innocence ; and gentlemen must behold infantile graces, if they cannot actually behold them. " Mother's darling " must be the great attraction at a christening, if it only improves the occasion by a succession of yells. ETIQUETTE OF THE STUDIO. CHAPTER 35 ODES of etiquette may seem unnec- essary for those to whom Nature has given gentle dispositions and pleasing ways, but there are a few special rules applicable to visitors to artists studios which might not suggest themselves as a matter of course even to such. It is not etiquette to ask an artist the price of his picture at sight. It is against the rules of etiquette to ask to see an unfinished picture, even if it is one that is being painted by your own order. It is against the rules of etiquette to keep an artist waiting, if you are sitting for a portrait. His time is of value to him, whatever yours may be to you ; and it is equally rude to detain him after the sitting is over. His politeness may hinder him from even hint- ing to you that you are trespassing upon his hours for work, though he may be fretting silently at your rudeness in so doing. It is excessively ill-bred to criticise harshly, in the 'presence of an artist, the works displayed in his 429 480 ETIQUETTE OF THE STUDIO. studio. Extravagant praise is also in bad taste. A few cordial words of praise and pleasure should, of course, be spoken, and a friend may sometimes point out where improvements could be made ; but it is a thankless task generally, and it is in much better taste to leave all criticism to the public journals, when the paintings are on public exhibition. It is contrary to the rules of etiquette to look around a studio in which you may be sitting for a portrait, unless you are invited by an artist to do so. If a visitor sees a painting or a piece of statuary which he wishes to possess, he asks simply that he may have the refusal of it ; or he says to the artist : " I wish to have this picture, if it is not disposed of." After leaving the studio, the visitor writes and asks the price, of which he is informed by the artist, in writing. Should the price be larger than the would- be purchaser is disposed to give, he writes again to that effect, and it is no breach of etiquette to name the sum which he wished to spend upon the work of art. This gives an opportunity to the artist of lower- ing his price. It is not customary to haggle about the sum, and the correspondence should not be carried further than above, except it be an intimation from the artist that he will accept the terms of the purchaser, and that the picture is subject to his order, and will be sent to him on further instructions. Some portrait painters have a practice which, for obvious reasons, cannot be adopted by painters of ETIQUETTE OF THE STUDIO. 431 general subjects. They have a card hung up in a conspicuous part of the studio, showing the price at which they will execute portraits of the sizes given. At the bottom of this card there is generally an inti- mation that half the price must be paid at the first sitting, the remainder when the portrait is com- pleted. This practice saves time and trouble, and it would be well if other artists could adopt some system where- by the price of such paintings as they may have for sale might be made known to visitors. But the price of a fancy picture is to be ascertained by the artist only by what it will bring, and it is quite likely that the wealth of the buyer, or his known admiration for good paintings, may reasonably make a difference in the sum asked by the artist, who might ask a lower price of a man whom he knew could not afford so much. There is nothing wrong in this, for an artist has as much right to get as much more than the mini- mum price of his picture as anybody else has to get the best price for his labor or his merchandise. Portrait painting is, however, pretty much a repe- tition of the same sort of work, and the artist would be the last man in the world to admit that there could be such difference in the execution of the work as to warrant a scale of prices in conformity there- with. It is not etiquette to visit the studio of an artist excepting by special invitation, and then only at the hours he may appoint. To go at any other time ia 432 ETIQUETTE OF THE STUDIO. ill-bred ; for although he may be there, he will prob- ably be unwiMirig to be disturbed at his work. It is ill-bred to take a young child to visit the studio of an artist, as there are generally articles there of value and easily broken or soiled ; and even if the child is well trained, the owner of such articles would be in terror lest they should be ruined. To uncover any picture or article in a studio that may be veiled or hidden from view, is extremely rude. It is equally so to turn a picture that is hung to face the wall, or standing facing it. Gentlemen must never smoke in a studio, unless especially invited by the artist to do so. To whisper in a studio is excessively ill-bred ; for, although you may make a remark entirely independ- ent of what is around you, you may rest assured you will have the credit of having ridiculed or censured some of the pictures you have been invited to examine. To behave in a studio as if you were in a store, pricing pictures, inquiring about what is for public exhibition, what is not ; who ordered this picture, or that ; whose portrait this or that may be ; or in any way reminding the artist that his genius is merchan- dise, is rude and indelicate. It is against the rules of etiquette to handle the pictures or other articles in a studio. It is extremely rude, if an artist continues his em- ployment during a visit to his studio, for the visitor to stand behind him or very near him, or in any way to seem to watch his work. PRECIOUS STONES. FlNGER-RlNGS, WITH SENTIMENTS. CHAPTER 36. HE stones have their sermons, precious stones their legends and poems. Not only do precious stones possess particular signifi- cations and exercise special charms, but they are individually sacred to particular months. This latter peculiarity many do not profess to understand ; but so it is, and so it always has been. Thus, accord- ing to the Persians, the Romans, the Poles, and the Arabs, the amethyst was sacred to February, and February to the amethyst; the stone in question being, as its name denotes, " a preservative against violent passions and drunkenness." That the blood- stone, signifying " courage and wisdom in perilous undertakings," should have been chosen by the four races who, among all the races of the world, appear to have been the greatest amateurs of jewelry, as the fit emblem of war like March (whose name is taken from Mars, the god of war), is just intelligible. There is a certain outward correspondence, too, between the emerald and the verdant month of May, with which, in the lapidary calendar, it is associated. Similarly, the light transparent sapphire goes well 433 434 PRECIOUS STONES. enough with the showery month of April ; the flam- ing ruby with fiery July, the deep red cornelian with burning August. It is the inward spiritual meaning of this connection between mouths and stones that escapes us. Only as regards the ever changing opal of autumnal October, denoting "misfortune and hope," can we recognize a two-fold significance in the type. As much might be said of the pearl, which suggests equally tears and the rainy month of No- vember. The diamond stands supreme among pre- cious stones. The brightest among gems, it out- shines all others, as the soprano outshines ah 1 other voices in a full choir. It was with diamonds that the angels tempted the daughters of men ; with diamonds that Mephistophiles caused Margarita to be tempted by Faust. Indeed, the fatal light of diamonds has led so many to destruction, that per- haps for that very reason the most precious of stones is not allowed to figure among the "zodiac stones/' which, each in its own month, act benignantly on those born beneath them as some happy star. The virtue of " zodiac stones " was such, that the ancients " often had them all set together in an amu- let, hoping thereby, no doubt, to derive the various benefits each could confer, and thus to circumvent fate/' Thus the Garnet, Constancy, fidelity. Amethyst, Sincerity, Bloodstone, Courage, presence of mind. Diamond, Innocence. THEIR SENTIMENTS. 435 Emerald, Success in love. Agate, Health and long life. Cornelian, Contented mind. Sardonyx, Conjugal fidelity. Chrysolite, Antidote against madness. Opal, Hope. Topaz, Fidelity. Turquoise, Prosperity. The Poles have a fanciful belief that each month of the year is under the influence of a precious stone, which has a corresponding effect on the destiny of a person born during the respective month. Conse- quently it is customary among friends and lovers, on birthdays, to make reciprocal presents of trinkets ornamented with the natal stones. The stones and their influences, corresponding with each month, are supposed to be as follows : January, garnet ; Feb- ruary, amethyst ; March, bloodstone ; April, diamond; May, emerald ; June, agate ; July, cornelian ; August, sardonyx ; September, chrysolite ; October, opal ; No- vember, topaz : December, turquoise. So very closely are rings connected with precious stones, that it is important they should be noticed. At this time, and for generations past, they have held a prominent place, and have become a matter of history, which dates back to the building of the pyramids (upward of two thousand years before the time of Christ). To attempt to give a full history of all the noted rings would occupy more space than can be gwen in these few pages. It is Supnis or Cheops, King of Memphis, who 436 FINGER-RINGS. caused the Great Pyramid to be made for his monu- ment. What a speck, for such a tomb ! The monu- ments of man take up much space. Here was a whole nation employed to make one man's mauso- leum. We fear that the virtues which live after men could often go within the compass of their finger-ring. To every kingly order or decree connected with the foundation of the Great Pyramid or with the thousands of men who had to work or with the pro- digious material employed, an impression of the signet-ring of Suphis had to be attached. Kings have been used for higher and holier things; but never for so vast a human purpose. Caesar's ring bore an armed Venus. On that of Augustus, there was first a sphinx, afterwards the image of Alexander the Great, and at last his own, which the succeeding emperors continued. Pom- pey's ring is known. Upon it were engraved three trophies, as emblems of his three triumphs over the three parts of the world Europe, Asia, and Africa. Nero's signet ring bore Apollo flaying of Marsyas. This emperor's musical vanity led him to adopt it. In Persia, at the present day, letters are seldom written and never signed by the person who sends them ; and it will thus appear that the authenticity of all orders and communications, and even of a merchant's bill, depends wholly on an impression from his seal-ring. This makes the occupation of a seal-cutter one of as much trust and danger as it seems to have been in Egypt. Such a person is FINGER-RINGS. 437 obliged to keep a register of every ring-seal he makes ; and if one be lost or stolen from the party for whom it was cut, his life would answer for mak- ing another exactly like it. The loss of a signet-ring is considered a serious calamity; and the alarm which an Oriental exhibits when his signet is miss- ing, can only be understood by a reference to these circumstances, as the seal-cutter is always obliged to alter the real date at which the seal was cut. The only resource of a person who has lost his seal is to have another made with a new date, and to write to his correspondents to inform them that all accounts, contracts, and communications to which his former signet is affixed are null from the day on which it was lost. Arabian princesses wear golden rings on their fin- gers, to which little bells are suspended, so that their superior rank may be known, and they, themselves, receive, in passing, the homage due to them. In the year one thousand eight hundred and fifty- two, some citizens of California presented President Pierce with a gigantic ring. We here give a descrip- tion of it. It is a massive gold ring, weighing up- ward of a full pound. This monster ring, for chaste- ness of design, elegance of execution, and high style of finish, has, perhaps, no equal in the world. The design is by Mr. George Blake, a mechanic of San Francisco. The circular portion of the ring is cut into squares, which stand at right angles with each other, and are embellished each with a beauti- 438 FINGER-RINGS. fully executed design, the entire group presenting a pictorial history of California, from her primitive state down to her present flourishing condition, un- der the flag of our Union. " Thus, there is given a grizzly bear in a menacing attitude, a deer bounding down a slope, an enraged boa, a soaring eagle, and a salmon. Then we have the Indian with his bow and arrow, the primitive weapon of self-defense; the native mountaineer on horseback, and a Californian on horseback, throwing his lasso. Next peeps out a Californian tent. Then you see a miner at work, with his pick, the whole being shaded by two American flags, with the staves crossed and groups of stars in the angles. The part of the ring reserved for a seal is covered by a solid and deeply carved plate of gold, bearing the arms of the State of California in the center, sur- mounted by the banner and stars of the United States, and inscribed with ' FRANK PIEKCE,' in old Roman characters. This lid opens upon a hinge, and presents to view underneath a square box, divided by bars of gold into nine separate compart- ments, each containing a pure specimen of the varieties of ore found in the country. Upon the in- side is the following inscription : 'Presented to FRANK- LIN PIEKCE, the Fourteenth President of the United States: The ring is valued at $2,000. Altogether, it is a massive and superb affair, rich in emblem- atical design and illustration and worthy its object." An English work professes to make out " Love's THEIR SENTIMENTS. 439 Telegraph," as understood in America, thus. "If a gentleman wants a wife, he wears a ring on the first finger of the left hand ; if he is engaged, he wears it on the second finger ; if married, on the third; and on the fourth if he never intends to be married. When a lady is not engaged, she wears a hoop or diamond on her first finger ; if engaged, on the sec- ond ; if married, on the third ; and on the fourth if she intends to die a maid." Many of our readers are aware that there are name-rings, in which the first letter attaching to each jewel employed will make a loved one's name or a sentiment. In the formation of English rings of this kind, the terms Regard and Dearest are common. Thus illustrated : ~R(uby), Jfymerald), G(arnet), A(me- thyst), "R(uby), D(iamond). ~D(iamond), E(mera?c?), A.(methyst), ~P\>(uby), ~E(merald), S(apphire), T(opaz). It is believed that this pretty notion originated (as many pretty notions do) with the French. The words which the latter generally play with, in a combination of gems, are Souvenir and Amitie, thus : S(aphir or sardoine\ O(nix or opale), TJ(rame), V(er- meille), ~E>(meraude), T$(atralithe), I(ris), ^(ubis or rose diamant). K(methiste or aigue-marine) , ]A.(alachite), I(ris), T(urquoise or topaze), I(ris), ^(meraude). Here are the alphabetical French names of pre<- cious stones : A. Am^thiste. Aigue-marine. B. Brilliant. Diamant, d*esigniant la meme pierre. C. Chrisolithe. Carnaline. Chrisophrase. 440 RINGS AND STONES. D. Diamant. E. Emeraude. F. (Pas de pierre cowius.) G. Grenat. H. Hiacinthe. I. Iris. J. Jasper. K. (Pas de pierre cownue.) L. Lapis lazuli. M. Malachite. N. Natralithe. O. Onix. Opale. P. Perle. Peridot. Purpurine. Q. (Pas de pierre connue.) K. Rubis. Eose diamant. S. Saphir. Sardoine. T. Turquoise. Topaze. U. Urane. V. Vermeille (espece de grenat jcmne^. X. Xepherine. Y. Z. (Pas de nous connus.} Kobell says, " In name-rings, in which a name is indicated by the initial letter of different gems, the emerald is mostly used under its English and French name (Emeraude) to stand for e, which would other- wise not be represented. (The German name is Smaragd.) While on this point, it may be men- tioned that a difficulty occurs with u, but recent times have furnished a name which may assist, namely, a green garnet, containing chrome, from Siberia, which has been baptized after the Eussian Minister Uwarrow, and called Uwarrovite" FLOWERS AND THEIR SENTIMENTS. CHAPTER 37. LOWERS not only please the eye and gratify the sense, but to one of a reflective turn of mind, they are the dispensers of in- struction. Flowers add a charm to domestic life, which nothing else can impart. What high en- coniums have been lavishingly bestowed upon " vine clad cottages ! " and how often in our readings do we find notice taken of some beautiful geranium that sheds its sweet fragrance around. Of the ivy, extending its arms of friendship around the room, lending its presence to cheer the despondent, and offer protection to the decorations that support it on its mission. Flowers are the smiles of nature, and earth would seem a desert without them. How profuse is nature in the bestowment of her smiles ! They are seen on every hillside and in every valley; they cheer the traveler on the public way, and the hermit in his seclusion. Wherever the light of day reaches, you vill find them, and none so poor they cannot possess them. They grew first in Paradise, and bring to our 441 442 FLOWERS AND THEIR SENTIMENTS. riew more vividly than anything else the beauties of Eden. It is no new thing to attach sentiments to flowers* In Eastern lands flowers have a language which all understand. It is that " still small voice " which is powerful on account of its silence. " It is one of the chief amusements of the Greek girls to drop these symbols of their esteem or scorn upon the various passengers who pass their latticed windows." These customs have not been confined to the eastern countries alone, but have been taken up and to a large extent are recognized everywhere ; and at the present time great care is taken in the cultivation of tho flowers that express by their sentiments the subjects that are considered first among the young. Snow-ball tree. Adoration. Sunflower, dwarf. Activity. Thyme. Aversion. Pink indian, single. Agitation. Moving plant. Anxious and trembling. Columbine, red. Always cheerful. Coreopsis. A token. Daisy, ox-eye. A serenade. Dew-plant. Am I perfectly indifferent to you ? Dogwood blossom. Argument, longevity. Fig. An expected meeting. Geranium, nutmeg. Assiduous to please. Ivy sprig with tendrils. Attachment. Iponea. Amiability. 7asmine, white. Ambition. Laurel, mountain. A token. Laurustina. Ambassador of lore. Rose, cabbage. FLOWERS AND THEIR SENTIMENTS. 443 Bluntness. Beauty. Bond of love. Bravery. Belief. Beware. Boldness. Beauty always new. Bashful love. Beauty is your only attraction. Beware. Bound. Coquetry. Cleanliness. Constancy. Content. Confidence. Comforting, stupidity. Chaste love. Constancy. Calm, repose. Childishness, ingratitude. Compassion, benevolence. Cheerfulness under misfortune. Concealed merit, Chivalry. Counterfeit. Concert. Comfort. Change. Confidence. Courage. Consolation. Complacence. Capricious beaut"- Charming. Call me not beautiful Borage Daisy, party-colored. Honeysuckle (montnly% Oak leaf. Passion flower. Oleander. Pink. Rose, China. Rose, deep red. Rose, Japan. Rose, bay. Snowball. Lily day. Hyssop. Hyacinth, blue. Houstonia. Hepetica. Geranium, scarlet Acacia. Bluebell. Buckbean. Buttercup (kingcup). Calcyanthus. Chrysanthemums, Chinese Coriander. Daffodil (great yellow). Mock orange. Nettle tree. Pear " Pimpernel. Polyanthus, crimson. Poplar, black. Poppy, red. Reed. Rose, musk, Rose, musk, cluster. Rose, unique. 444 FLOWERS AND THEIR SENTIMENTS. Cruelty. Confession of love. Departure. Deceitful charms. Delicacy. Distinction. Disdain. Deception. Do me justice. Death, mourning. Despair, melanchoiy. Dignity, instability. Deceit, falsehood. Duration. Delay. Delicate beauty. Disgust. Disappointed expectation. Devotion. Defect. Delicate beauty. Devoted love. Distrust. Dauntlessness. Delicate beauty. Do not abuse. Dangerous pleasures. Declaration of love. Drunkenness. Elegance. Energy in adversity. Education. Elevation. Eloquence. Estranged love. Evanescent pleasure- Early youth. Nettle. Rose-bud, moss. Peas, sweet. Apple- thorne. Bluebottle (centaury). Cardinal flower. Carnation, yellow. Cherry tree, white. Chestnut tree. " and marigold. Dahlia. Dogsbane. Dogwood. Eupatorium. Flower of an hour. Frog ophrys. Geranium, wild. Heliotrope. Henbane. Hibiscus. Honeysuckle, wild Lavender " " sea. Mallow, Venetian, Saifron flower. Tuberose. Tulip, yellow. Vine. Acacia, pink. Camomile. Cherry tree. Fir tree. Lotus. Lotus flowee. Poppy. Primrose. / 'LOWERS AND THEIR SENTIMENTS. 445 Enchantment. Early youth. Early attachment. Esteem of love. Expectation. Fickleness. Falsehood. Fascination, woman's love. Felicity. Foresight. Female ambition. Fire. Flame. Fickleness. Friendship. Fidelity in love. Falsehood. Frivolity. Forgetfulness. Flee away. Farewell Foolishness. Fantastic extravagance. Female fidelity. Fitness. For once may pride befriend me. Fame. Fidelity. Faithfulness. Flattery. Fidelity in misfortune. Forsaken. Freedom. Grief. Good nature. Gladness. Gentility. Vervain. Primrose. Rose, thornless. Strawberry tree. Zephyr flower. Abatina. Bu gloss. Carnation. Centaury. Holly. Hollyhock, white. Hoarhound. Iris, yellow. Lady's slipper. Ivy. Lemon blossom. Lily, yellow. London pride. Moonwort. Pennyroyal - Pine spruce. Pomegranate. Poppy, scarlet. Speedwell. Sweet flag. Tiger flower. Tulip. Veronica. Violet, blue. Venus's looking-giw* Wallflower. Willow. Willow water. Marigold. Mullen. Myrrh. Rose, pompon. 446 BLOWERS AND THEIR SENTIMENTS. Guidance. Gallantry. Grandeur. Gratitude. Gentility. Grief. Grace and elegance. Generosity. Hopeless love. Horror. Hope. Humility. Health. Hospitality. Happy Love. Haughtiness. Indifference, coldness. I declare against you. I live for thee. Incorruptible. I love. Industry. I share your sentiments. Innocence. I will think of it. Importunity. I engage you for the next dance. Ingenuity. Idleness. I desire to please. I surmount all obstacles. I will not survive you. I am your captive. Ingeniousness. Inconsistency. 1 am worthy of you. I declare against you. Impatience resolves. Star oi! Bethlehem. Sweet William. Ash tree. Bell flower, white? Geranium. Harebell. Jasmine, yellow. Orange. Tulip, yellow. Dragon-wort. Hawthorn. Lilac, field. Moss, Iceland. Oak tree. Rose, bridal. Sunflower, tall. Agnus Castus. Belvidere. Cedar leaf. Cedar of Lebanon. Chrysanthemums, red Clover, red. Daisy, garden. " white. " wild. Fuller's teasel. Geranium, ivy. Geranium, pencil-leaved Mesembryanthemum. Mezereon. Mistletoe. Mulberry, black. Peach blossom. Pink, white. Primrose, evening. Rose, full white. Tansy. Touch-me-not. FLOWERS AND THEIR SENTIMENTS. 447 Innocence. Joys to come. Jealousy. Love returned. Lamentation. Lowliness, envy, remorse. Luxury. Love's oracle. Lady deign to smile. Love, sweet and secret. Lightness. Life. Love in nature. Love in absence. Love. Light-heartedness. Love in idleness. Meekness. Magnificent beauty, modesty. Maternal affection. Mental beauty. Majesty. Meanness. Melancholy. My compliments. Majesty. Maternal love. Mature elegance. Marriage. Mirth. Mourning. Never-ceasing remembrancet Profusion. Present preference. Preference. Precaution. Privation. Purity. Violet, white. Celandine. Marigold, French. Ambrosia. Aspen tree. Bramble. Chestnut. Dandelion. Geranium, oak. Honeyflower. Larkspur. Luzern. Magnolia. Myrtle. Red bay. Shamrock. Violet, wild. Birch tree. Calla ^Ethiopica. Cinquefoil. Clematis. Brown, imperial. Dodder. Geranium, dark. Iris. Lily, imperial. Moss. Pomegranate flower. Saffron. Saffron, crocus. Willow, weeping. Gnophalium, everlasting. Fig tree. Geranium, apple. Geranium, scented rose or pink, Golden rod. India plum, myrobalan. Lilac, white. 448 FLOWERS AND THEIR SENTIMENTS Perplexity. Pretension. Perseverance. Peace. Pride. Perfect excellence. Prosperity. Pretension. Platonic love friendship. Perfection. Painting. Pleasantry. Perseverance. Pensiveness, winning grace. Protection. Participation. Passion. Pleasures of memory. Pure affection. Perform your promise. Pity. Poor but happy. Refused. Rudeness. Resolution. Riches. Regard. Reverie. Reconciliation. Remembrance true love. Recall. Rustic beauty. Rejected addresses. Refusal. Remorse. Reward of virtue. Secret love. Sorrowful remembrances. Love-ia-a-mist. Lythrum. Magnolia, swamp. Olive branch. Rose, one hundred leaved. Strawberry. Wheat. Willow-herb, spiked. Acacia rose. Apple, pine. Auricula. Balm, gentle. Canary, grass. Cowslip. Crepis, bearded. Daisy, double. Dittany, white. Periwinkle, blue. Pink, red, double. Plum tree. Pine, black. Vernal grass. Carnation, striped. Clotbur. Columbine, purple. Corn. Daffodil. Fern, flowering. Filbert. Forget-me-not. Geranium, silver leaved. Honeysuckle, French, Ice plant. Pink, variegated. Raspberry. Rose (crown made of). Acacia, yellow motherwort Adonis. FLOWER 8 AND THEIR SENTIMENTS. 449 Stupidity. Indiscretion. Almond tree. Splendor. Austurtium. Sympathy. Balm. Silence. Belladonna. Shyness. Vatch. Strength. Constancy. Cedar tree. Slighted love. Chrysanthemum, yellow, Stability, Cresses. Snarft. Dragon plant. Sincerity. Fern. Scandal. Hellebore, Sculpture. Hoya. Sport. Hyacinth. Sorrow. Hyacinth, purple. Separation. Jasmine, Carolina. Sensuality. Jasmine, Spanish. Succor. Juniper. Sun -beamed eyes. Lychnis, scarlet. Sensitiveness. Mimosa (sensitive plant). Satire. Pear, prickly. Shame. Peony. Sleep. Poppy, white. Secrecy. Rose, full blown, placed over two buds. Superior mewt. Rose, full moss. Sincerity. Satin flower. Secret love. Toothwort. Sensitiveness. Verbena. Thankfulness Agrimony. Timidity, pna3 Amaryllis. Temptation Apple. Temperance., Azalea. Treacherv Bilberry. Touch-me-uor, JQ ocrtunity. Burdock. Truth. Chrysanthemum, white. Taste. Fuchsia, scarlet. Tears. Hedenium. The first emotion of love. Lilac, purple. 450 FLOWERS AND THEIR SENTIMENTS. Transient. Time. Temptation. Transient impression. Ties. TJnpatronized merit. Union. Unity. Unchangeable. Unchangeable friendship. Unpretending excellence. Unconscious. Uselessness. Unfading beauty. Unconscious beauty. Variety. Victory. Virtue. Vulgar-minded. Virgin pride. Wit. Wisdom. Weakness. Warmth. Woman's love. Winter of age. Warmth of sentiment. Youthfulness. Gladness. You are cold. Your purity equals your loveli- You occupy my thoughts. You are aspiring. You are the queen of coquettes. You occupy my thoughts. Zealousness. Compassion. Zest Night-blooming Cereus. Poplar, white. Quince. Rose, withered rose. Tendrils of climbing plants. Meadow sweet. Primrose, red. Rose, Lancaster. Rose, white and red together Amaranth, globe. Arbor vita3. Camellia, Japonica. Daisy, red. Diosma. Gilly flower. Rose, Burgundy. Rose, Mundy. Palm. Mint. Marigold, African. Gentian. Lychnis, meadow. Mulberry tree. Musk. Peppermint. Pink, carnation. Rose, guelder. Spearmint. Crocus, spring. Hortensia. Orange blossom. Pansy. Pink, mountain. Violet, dame. Violet, purple. Elder. Lemon WINDOW-GARDENING. CHAPTER 38. INDOW-GARDENING, whether simple or elaborate, is every- where an evidence of culture and re- finement. Flowers in all their richness, beauty and fragrance may adorn the windows of even the humblest cottage at little or no expense. There are many pleasing designs for window-gar- dens, such as a box of evergreens or ferns and orna- mental plants. Tasty hanging baskets are very pretty ; the jardiniere, bulb-glasses are handsome. The fer- nery, flower-stands, mantel-shelf gardens, etc., etc., are all very fine and if tastefully arranged are exceed- ingly attractive. BEST I- LACE FOB IT. A favorable location is necessary. A few plants thrive in the shade, such as pansies, sweet violets, a few of the variegated plants, etc. Most plants however love the warm rays and light of the sun. 411 452 WIND W- A RDENING. All exposures for plants that vary from the east to the west, and even a little to the northwest, may be included as available for window-gardens. The east and south with the exposures between them are the best for some plants, but for others the western and northern windows are used with better success. A northern window may be used for ferns, alpine plants, some species of fuchsias, and other shade-loving plants. From an eastern, or from that to a southern exposure, may be cultivated the geranium, bouvardia, cactus, begonia, oxalis, lily-of-the-valley, salvia, foliage plants, amaryllis, narcissus, rose, sweet scented geraniums, etc. For sunny southern windows the abutilon, rose, iris, calla, hyacinth, cyclamen, azalea, daphne, heliotrope, etc., are used. In western windows may be grown to good advant- age the amaryllis, calla, geranium, heliotrope, fuchsia, vinca, wax plant, German ivy, pinks, etc. Some of these plants flourish in all exposures. Moisture is one of the most important considerations for house plants, as the dry air of the average living room is fatal to their bloom and beauty. A geranium in an ordinary kitchen generally has greener leaves and a richer show of blossoms than the plants in more luxurious quarters, for the simple reason that the steam of cooking supplies the moisture needed, and the constantly opened door the proper ventilation. The larger the windows, the better for growing plants, bow windows being particularly adapted for this style of floriculture. WINDOW-GARDENING. 453 FERNERIES. Ferneries offer the simplest of all means of house- hold plant culture. These small glass cases occupy little room, are ornamental enough to be placed on any table or parlor stand, and when once filled need little attention for many weeks. They require no unusual care as to watering, can be easily removed from one room to another, and are not as quickly affected by changes of temperature as plants in the open air of our sitting-rooms. THE SOIL FOR FERN CASES Should be carefully attended to, as common garden earth will not answer. An authority in the " Floral World," speaking of soils, says : " For the fern case, mix equal parts of silver sand, good loam, powdered charcoal, and refuse cocoanut fiber. Cover the bottom of the pan with a layer of powdered charcoal, or bricks, or rock broken to the size of hazel nuts, to the depth of one inch ; then press the soil firmly over this, that the plants may set solidly." Fern cases may be placed in almost any situation. They may be shifted from one window to another at will with little danger of undesirable consequences. A half shady position is much better than a sunny one, while a northern outlook will suit them admirably if not too cold. In arranging plants for the fern case, care must be taken to place the largest growers in the center and 454 WINDOW-GARDENING. the smaller ones at the sides. A great number of woodland plants may be chosen. The climbing fern, lygodium palmatum, is very suitable, and can usually be found in shady or moist spots. The partridge vine, mitchella, is also invaluable, for its brilliant scarlet berries enliven the sober green of the ferns or form an excellent contrast with the mosses. THE TRAILING ARBUTUS With its Green foliage and waxy pink flowers is one of the choicest for the fernery. The maiden-hair fern is also a great favorite ; it may be found on most sheltered hill-sides, or away in some deep, moist woods, and may be known by its black, hair-like stems and curiously shaped fronds. Gold thread, with its daintly cut foliage, and Hnewood, with its blue blossoms, will form pretty features. Almost any plants can be trans- planted from the woods to the fern case with safety. Plenty of the green native mosses should be packed around the roots of all these plants, to help keep up a cool, wild, woody retreat. Begonias and orchids may also be added with good effect. HANGING GARDENS. Hanging or basket gardens are the simplest style of window ornament. They need very little care and their success is almost certain. The directions for culture are simple. Choose por- ous pots or vessels, for in non-porous pots, where all side ventilation is cut off, the soil becomes sodden and WIND W- GA RDENING. 455 the roots are liable to decay, and the plants will not thrive. Fill the bottom of the basket to the depth of an inch or so with small pieces of charcoal for drain- age. If the basket is deep it is a good plan to place a coarse sponge in the bottom of it, to drink up the surplus moisture and at the same time keep the soil moist by giving it out again. The best soil for this use is composed of one-third sand mixed with dark loam and leaf mould; or the soil from around pine trees is very good. It is better to water copiously when the basket becomes dry and then not water again for two or three days. The devices for making hanging baskets are numer- ous. Large sea shells nautilus or conch will hold soil enough to support trailers, and make beautiful window ornaments. Holes may be bored through the edges and cords fastened in them to hang by. The rind of the gourd and scallop squash make pretty bas- kets for drooping plants; halves of cocoanut shells are also very pretty. These may be filled with lyco- podiums, lobelias, tradescantia, and moneywort. Begonias, coleus, oxalis, ivy and ornamental grasses are especially appropriate for baskets. The morning glory is admirably adapted for vases and baskets. A very unique basket may be made by filling a wire basket with moss, then hiding away in the moss small bottles filled with water. In these put the stems of ivy, partridge vine and ferns. The partridge vine will hang over the sides of the basket, the ivy will twine around the cords, drooping in festoons at the top, and 456 WINDOW-GARDENING. the ferns will grow in graceful profusion in the center. The most popular drooping vines are the morning glory, honeysuckle, nasturtium, periwinkle and smilax. In arranging a basket do not crowd in too many plants of upright growth. One erect plant of showy appearance should be used, such as a begonia or a bright-flowering geranium ; around this set the plants of lower and more compact growth, and around the edge plant the climbers and the trailers. Fuchsias, heliotropes, carnations, verbenas, the cyclamen, the popular geranium, and many others find a place in the hanging basket. For home decoration there is no plant which equals the English Ivy. It accommodates itself to all tem- peratures save that below freezing, and when in full growth it adds more grace to the window than any other plant yet mentioned. It will cover a screen of wire, curtain a window, frame a favorite picture, climb and twist about a mantle mirror, drape an easel, and droop over statuettes its dark evergreen leaf and by its loveliness add to them all an increased beauty. PORTABLE SCREEN OF IVY. A beautiful and useful screen for the living room maybe made as follows: a common window garden flower box is made the length required and mounted on castors. A number of laths of wood, as long as the screen is to be high, must be placed at upright intervals all along the box, against the back of it and resting on the bottom of it. Nail them in their places. WIND W- QA RDENING. 457 A number more laths, as long as the box is wide, must now be fixed across these, beginning with the first an inch above the box. Fasten it by a tack at each ex- tremity and to every upright lath with fine flower mounting-wire, uncovered. The trellis work thus formed should be painted a dark green ; when dry, fill the box with the same kind of soil as used in the fern- ery and set with ivy plants, which will cover the trellis completely as they grow. The front of the box should be filled in with plants of low growth, as Chinese prim- rose, violets, lycopodium, etc. This screen and box, without the castors, may be fixed outside a window which has a bad outlook, and not only hide this from view but prove a very handsome object in itself. CARE AND CULTURE OF PLANTS. CHAPTER 39. EAUTY has its source in nature; our finest sculptures and paint- ings but approximately reproduce the grace of form and richness of color of the natural world. Love of the beautiful is one of the most marked distinguishing features between the animal and the man; and if we would increase and develop our appreciation of the beautiful and broaden and deepen our capacity for enjoying it, how can we do it better than by a study of the means which the Creator has taken for making this world so beautiful ? To gain an appreciation of the beautiful in distinc- tion from the sublime and grand, to secure a refined and correct taste and to learn to enjoy harmony of colors, delicacy of form, and beauty of outline, let us "consider the lilies of the field," let us have plants and flowers in our homes and teach the children to love and care for them, so they shall not grow up as those, who, "having eyes, see not." That person has lost much of the keenest enjoyment of life of whom it can be said : 458 CARE AND CULTURE OF PLANTS. 459 " A yellow primrose by the river's brim Or by the cottage door, A yellow primrose is to him And nothing more. " " But," you say, " there is a practical side to all this. Unhealthy, blossomless plants are not beautiful, and plants will not do well for me." Now it is the nature of plants to grow and be beau- tiful and unless the fixed laws of their being are inter- fered with, they will do so. There is no such thing as " luck " in the care of plants. In the following pages we aim to give a few plain directions which will enable any one with a little persistent effort to grow beautiful plants which will make the home pleasanter and its inmates happier and better. Many have a mistaken notion that plants will thrive only in windows fully exposed to the south. It is true that in many cases plants are grown largely for winter blooming, and that they will flower better in abundance of light, but it is also true that there are many beautiful plants which do well with very little sunlight. We unhesitatingly say that there is no human habitation which has a window but what some plant may be made to thrive there and we ask your careful attention to the following simple directions for growing and caring for them : PLANT STANDS AND SHELVES. In order to grow plants successfully in windows we must imitate as nearly as we can their natural habits. 460 CARE AND CULTURE OF PLANTS. They want warmth, moisture, and light; keeping this in mind we shall succeed. If a plant is set directly on a window sill, with the cold glass on one side of it, the hot air on the other side, how can it be expected to grow ? or, worse still, put half way up on the win- dow ledge with the cold air blowing on it between the sashes ? Any sensible plant would rebel at such treat- ment. To fit up a window at small expense, I would have two black walnut shelves made one, at the window- sill, a foot wide ; the other, half way up, nine inches wide, supported by bronzed brackets ; then zinc pans to fit the shelves, six inches deep, turned over a wire at the top. Paint to match the woodwork of the room, or any fancy color, put an inch of coarse sand in the pans, and you are ready for plants. The sand keeps the bottom of the pots moist, the high sides keep the sun from striking the sides of the pots and keep them out of sight. At each end of the pans put a pot of German ivy (Senecio scandens) ; bring the ends of the vine from each pot towards the center of the pan and tie them together ; keep them nipped and they will send out side shoots and cover the pan from sight. For a south window you can put in any plants that love the sun bouvardias, begonias, heliotrope, coleus, hibiscus, and so on. For an east or west win. dow you will want a different class of plants to do well. If you wish something more showy, have a wal- nut table made as long as your window is wide, includ- ing casing, and two feet wide, without a top, and six CARE AND CULTURE OF PLANTS. 461 inches deep on the sides ; have a cleat nailed at the bottom of the sides to hold narrow slats, on which rests a zinc pan as deep as the sides ; add some stout casters, varnish your table, and it is done. Put an inch of coarse sand in the bottom and you are ready for the flower pots. If you prefer you can set your plants directly in the pan. In that case you will fill your pan with sifted loam (that made from rooted sod is best), well rooted cow manure, sand enough to make it porous and charcoal broken small ; put this last on the bottom of the pan for drainage. Plants grow finely in this stand. The zinc pan being set on slats, the warm air comes up underneath, like the bot- tom heat of a green-house, especially if your heat comes from a furnace ; to remedy the dry air you can fill a sponge with water and lay it among the plants. Shower the leaves frequently, which can easily be done by trundling the stand to the kitchen. You can turn it around once a week so all the plants will have a share of sun, and move it from the window at night, should the weather chance to be very cold. This stand looks finely filled with plants grown more espec- ially for their leaves. Dracena terminalis, with handsome crimson leaves, will make a pretty center; fancy-leaved geraniums, like Madame Pollock, Cloth of Gold, Marshal Mac- Mahon, Mountain of Snow, the new Coleuses, Rex Begonias, variegated Abutilons. For vines to trail around the edges, ivy-leaved Geranium, L'elegante, Abutilon, Ivies and Maurandya. With this stand in 462 CARE AND CULTURE OP PLANTS. front of a window, brackets on each side half way up, with pots on them filled with vines, a hanging-basket suspended from a hook in the center filled with vines to droop, it will make a pleasant picture on a cold winter day. If you have an old-fashioned three-legged light-stand, have a zinc pan seven inches deep made to fit the top, turned over a wire at the top and stained to match the table. Fill it with rich soil made porous with sand and charcoal, put in calla lilies (they will bloom better to be a little crowded), leave two inches at the top so as to keep them floating in water all the time. Water that is warm to the hand is best to water with. Put your stand in front of a south window, and your Callas will think they are in their native home. If you don't want Callas, try Heliotrope. An old- fashioned, round center table, with scroll-shaped legs, was made into a nice plant-stand by fitting a zinc pan to the top (which was about thirty inches in diame- ter), seven inches deep, turned over a wire at the top and stained to match the table. It was filled with rich soil and the plants set directly in and vines planted around the edges. FURNISHING THE HOME. CHAPTER 40. OLOR, form and proportion are the chief features to be observed in house-furnishing. It is not neces- sary to have costly furniture, ex- pensive pictures, fine paintings, ele- gant draperies, or Haviland and Wedgewood wares to produce pleas- ant effects ; but have the colors har- monize and have nothing too good to use. All stiff- ness of design in furniture should be avoided. Do not attempt to match articles, but rather carry out the same ideas as to color and form in the whole. Do not have decorations in sets or pairs; the arrange- ments should all be done with odd pieces. The style and arrangement of the furniture should correspond to the size of the room, with a due regard to the place a piece of furniture or ornament will occupy. The order of arrangement in furnishing is subject to individual taste, but the following sugges- tions may not be inappropriate : In decorating a dining-room, deep, rich tones should be used a drawing-room or parlor should have bright, 463 464 FURNISHING THE HOME. cheerful shades in a library use deep, rich colors, which give a sense of worth a sleeping-room or chamber should have light, pleasing tints, which give a feeling of repose. THE HALL. The hall being the index to the whole house, due jare should, therefore, be given to its furnishing. Light colors and gilding should be avoided. The wall and ceiling decorations now mostly used are in dark, rich colors, shaded in maroons, or deep reds. Plain tinted walls and ceilings in fresco or wainscot are also frequently used. A tile or inlaid wood floor is the most appropriate ; but if circumstances do not admit of one of these, a floor stained a deep, wood-brown, baseboard and mouldings to correspond, may be substituted, when India matting and rugs may be used. The colors now in vogue for hall carpets are crimson, or Pompeiian reds, with small figures of moss green and peacock blue. The prevailing shades of the walls and floor should be incorporated in the stair carpet. If the hall is narrow, none but the most essential pieces of furniture should be used ; but if wide enough, there may be a lounge placed against one of the walls, an old-fashioned clock set in a quiet corner, two high- back chairs upholstered in leather, a table, an umbrella- stand placed near the door, and a hall-mirror. The hat-rack must also find a place. Family portraits or a few well-selected pictures are appropriate for these walls. FURNISHING THE HOME. 465 If the door-lights are not stained glass, crimson silk shades, lined with black netting, are very desira- ble, as the light penetrating through them fills the hall with a rich subdued glow. THE PARLOR. The parlor should be the room of all others in which good taste should be every-where apparent. The walls should be pleasant objects to look upon not dreary blanks of white plaster and all the arrange- ments of the room should be home-like, with orna- ments, books and flowers, not arranged for show merely, but for pleasant study, recreation -or conversa- tion. In selecting wall papers avoid all pronounced pat- terns, either in color or design. Light tints of gray, olive, pearl, or cream, covered with delicate scroll or vine patterns are suitable. A dado is not desirable in a parlor, but there should be a freize in harmony with the paper. The carpet should be of a light, cheerful tint, and the pattern should not be striking. Do not have the carpet the most noticeable feature of the room. In selecting the furniture, chairs and couches should be chosen for comfort rather than for style. They should be of solid make, easy, graceful, and of good serviceable colors and materials. The latest design in parlor furniture is in the Turk- ish style, the upholstery being made to cover the frame. Rich Oriental colors in woolen and silk bro- 466 FURNISHING THE HOME. cades are mostly used, and the trimmings are cord and tassels, or heavy fringe. The most tastefully arranged parlor has now no two pieces of furniture alike; but two easy chairs placed opposite each other are never out of place. Here may stand an embroidered ottoman, there a quaint little chair, a divan can take some central posi- tion, a cottage piano, covered with some embroidered drapery, may stand at one end of the room, while an ebony or mahogany cabinet, with its panel mirrors and quaint brasses, may be placed at the other end, its racks and shelves affording an elegant display for pretty pieces of bric-a-brac. Tables in inlaid woods, or hand-painted, are used for placing books and albums on. Care should be taken in arranging that the room is not overcrowded. There should be a few good pic- tures hung on the wall, and a portrait may be placed on a common easel draped with a scarf. An embroidered or India silk scarf with fringed ends may be placed on the back of a chair or sofa in place of the old-fashioned lace tidy. A sash of bright colored plush or silk may be flung across the table, the ends drooping very low. The mantel -piece may be covered with a corres- ponding sash, over which place a small clock as cen- ter piece, and arrange ornaments on each side statuettes, flowerholders, pieces of old china, painted candles in small sconces, may all find a place on the mantel. FURNISHING THE HOME. 467 Window curtains of heavy fabric, hung from brass or plush-mounted poles, may be gracefully draped to the sides, while the inner lace ones should hang straight and be fastened in the center with some orna- ment or bow of ribbon, corresponding in shade to the general tone of the room. The straight shades next to the glass may correspond in tone to the outside walls, or window facings. White or light tinted shades are always in vogue. Those who wish to dispense with heavy curtain dra- peries in favor of light and sunshine may use the lace curtains alone; or, if desirable, cheaper ones of cheese-cloth trimmed with lace. Portieres (curtain doors) have superseded folding doors. These should be in shades to contrast with the general blending of all the colors in the room. The fabrics mostly used are India goods, but they may be made of any material. These curtains, if made from striped tapestry and Turcoman, will give the finishing artistic touches to almost any room. THE SITTING-ROOM. The sitting or every-day room should be the bright- est and the most attractive room in the house. Its beauty should lie in its comfort, simplicity and the harmony of its tints the main feature being the fitness of each article to the needs of the room. In these days of so many advantages much can be done in adornment by simple means. The wall-papers mostly used come in grounds of 468 FURNISHING THE HOME. cream, pale olive, fawn, and light gray, with designs and traceries of contrasting hues. The carpet, if in tapestry, looks more effective in grounds of pale canary or light gray, with designs in bright-colored woodland flowers and borders to match. Ingrain carpets, with their pretty designs and bright colors, are very fashionable for rooms that are much used. Whatever may be the prevailing tint of the carpet, the window curtains should follow it up in lighter tones or contrast with it. Shades are rather more suitable for the sitting-room than drapery curtains, although curtains of cheese-cloth, chintz, or dotted Swiss muslin, looped back with ribbons, look very pretty. One large table, covered with a pretty embroidered cloth, should be placed in some central location for a catch-all. A low divan with a pair of square soft pil- lows, may stand in some quiet nook ; a rocker, hand- somely upholstered, with a pretty tidy pinned to its back, a large, soft, easy-chair, a small sewing-chair placed near a work-table, and a bamboo chair trimmed with ribbons, may be tastefully arranged in the room. If the furniture is old, or in sets, it can be covered with different patterns of cretonne or chintz, which not only protects the furniture but breaks up the mo- notony and lends a pleasing variety to the room. A Turkish chair is a grand accessory to the family- room; this may be made by buying the frame and having it upholstered in white cotton cloth, and cover- FURNISHING THE HOME. 469 ing it with a rich shade of cretonne, finishing it with cord and fringe; this makes a cheap and handsome looking chair to fill up some angle. If the house has no library, the sitting-room is just the place for the book-case. On these shelves put your books, or any ornaments such as vases, pieces of odd china, mineral specimens, brass ornaments, or anything quaint and pretty. Curtains can be arranged on a brass rod to draw across the opening. A few of these tastefully arranged things give an air of com- fort and luxury to a room, hardly to be compared to the small amount expended. Let the pictures in the sitting-room be as cheerful as possible. A landscape in colored pastel, an etching, a modern engraving, or even a good chromo or helio- type brighten the living room wonderfully. One or two family portraits are in keeping, but any old-fash- ioned somber engraving should be relegated to the attic. Some people would think it a poorly furnished room if it didn't contain one or more card tables pretty little tables, of natural woods, or inlaid in cloths of different hues. People who are fond of games stock their table-drawers with cribbage and backgammon boards, cards of every variety, bezique counters and packs, and the red and white champions of the hard- fought battles of chess. This room is also well adapted for the window gar- den, where an abundance of climbing and trailing plants may be grown from boxes and brackets. 470 FURNISHING THE HOME. A room of this character, with floods of sunshine, makes a most attractive and comfortable living room. THE LIBRARY. The walls should be hung with rich colors not so dark as to make it difficult to light the room suffici- ently in the evening, but it must not be too light, or we shall lose the feeling of repose we most want. A carpet of Pompeiian red is both rich and cheerful. The room should be furnished with broad easy chairs, low tables for books and periodicals, and book- shelves arranged at a convenient height, and so any book may be reached without stretching or mounting on a chair or stool. Soft rugs, foot-rests, a mantel mirror and a few mantel ornaments complete the furniture. It is quite in vogue to hang curtains on rods in front of the book-cases. Curtains of raw silk or Turcoman are used for win- dow draperies. CHAMBERS. The bedroom should be essentially clear of every- thing that can collect and hold dust in any form; should be bright and cheerful, pleasantly furnished with light and cheerful furniture of good and simple design, in which everything should be carefully ar- ranged for use, not show. The whole floor of the bedroom should be stained, sized, and varnished, or painted, and strips of carpet, FURNISHING THE HOME. 471 matting, or rugs thrown down only when required; these can be taken up and shaken every day without trouble, the floors washed, and the evil of fixed car- pets thus avoided. Rugs are as fashionable as they are wholesome and tidy. These floor coverings should be darker than the furniture, yet blending in shades. If carpets are chosen they should be in the lightest shades, and in bright field-flower patterns. Avoid anything dark and somber for the sleeping-room. Pink and ciel blue combined is very pretty ; scarlet and gray, deep red and very light blue, dark blue with sprays of Lily-of- the-valley running through it is exceedingly pretty for bed-rooms. The wall should be decorated in light tints and shadings, with a narrow rail and deep frieze. Dark furniture will harmonize with all these colors, but the lighter shades are preferable. Cretonnes in pale tints, and chintzes in harmonizing colors, are used for light woods. Square pillows of cretonne on a bamboo or wicker lounge are very pretty. Canton matting is often used, either plain or in colored pat- terns. Formerly the bed coverings were spotlessly white. The coverings now in vogue are Nottingham lace, darned net, applique, antique lace and Swiss muslin; these are used over silk and silesia for backgrounds, with pillow shams to match. Cheese-cloth, bunting, Swiss muslin, cretonne and Swiss curtains are used for window drapery, these 472 FURNISHING THE HOME. may be trimmed with the same fabric or antique lace. They are hung on poles above the windows and draped back with bright ribbons. The appointments of a bed-room are a low couch, a large rocker, a small sewing chair, a work basket, foot- stools, a toilet table, or a dressing-case, a few pictures, hanging-shelf for books, etc., and the bed. The washstand should have a full set of toilet mats, or a large towel with a colored border may be laid on it; also a splasher placed on the wall at the back of the stand is very essential. A screen is a very desirable part of the bed-room appointments, especially if there is no dressing-room. The three-leaf folding Japanese screen is very pretty. A less expensive one may be made by getting the frame made, then covering it with cloth or thick paper, and decorating it with Japanese figures, flowers, or any- thing that fancy may suggest. THE DINING-ROOM. The dining-room should be light and airy. If pos- sible it should have a pleasant outlook and a window through which the morning sunlight will enter. Such a window, filled with growing plants makes a very at- tractive feature. Paper the walls with warm tints and have both dado and freize. Have an inlaid wood, oiled, stained or painted floor on which rugs may be used or dispensed with, according to taste. The window drapery should be in deep, rich colors. FURNISHING THE HOME. 473 The chairs should be chosen in square, solid styles, and upholstered in embossed or plain leather. The dining-table should be low, square or bevel- cornered, and when not in use should be covered with a cloth corresponding in shade to the window drapery. A buffet may stand in some corner for the display of ceramics or decorated china. The sideboard should be of high, massive style, with shelves and racks for glassware and pieces of china. There was a time when the dining-room looked like a picture gallery ; but the prevailing fashion now con- fines the number of pictures to two or three small fruit pieces and one or two plaques of still life. Here the fire-place with its many appointments may be displayed to good avantage. THE KITCHEN. While speaking of the different rooms we must not forget the kitchen. There should be a pleasant win- dow or two through which fresh air and sunlight may come, a few plants on the window sill, a small stand for a work basket, an easy chair, the walls painted or calcimined with some beautiful and cheerful tint, the woodwork grained, instead of painted in some dingy color, and a general air of comfort pervade the whole room. OUTLOOK THROUGH BOOKS. CHAPTER 41. I.OOKS are windows through which the soul looks out. Window- less houses and bookless minds are dreary places because oi darkness. Men are moulded by their surroundings and become transformed into the likeness of their outlook. Parents, through what kind of windows are your boys or girls looking out upon the great world of to-day and of ages past? Are they beholding things pure or pernic- ious, noble or degrading, sublime or silly, virtuous or vicious? Young man, young woman, what is the scene before your eyes? Do you willingly look out upon gilded sin in high life, upon iniquity made attractive by costly apparel aad luxurious surround- ings, or, do you choose rather to look upon that which continually broadens the intellect, refines the taste and ennobles the whole being? Few comprehend the possibilities of the outlook through books. We view the people and places of distant lands. The nations of the past spring into existence as by magic and move before us as a panorama. We view the inner work- 4H UTL OK THR UGH B OK 8. 475 ings of men's lives, we look down into the earth, out upon the operations of nature in plant and animal life, and up into the starry heavens, actually touching the far off spheres. COMPANIONSHIP OF BOOKS. Books differ as men differ. In our daily intercourse with the world we meet scores of people by whose silent influence for evil we are unconsciously drawn down to their own level. We may also meet a single individual in whose presence we feel the thrill of a moulding influence for good. The meeting of such a person is often a crisis in one's life. A book is, in a sense, a living being and becomes the companion of the one who reads it. It is my privilege to choose the company of those who are my superiors. I may not have access to the highest circle of cultured society, but among books there is no exclusiveness. Here I am monarch. They come at my bidding, they begin to speak when and of what I desire, they stop when I wish, they never bore me, there are no formalities and they are never offended. FORMATION OF TASTE. What do you relish, what do you read ? You may have a taste for pastry, pickles and sweetmeats but you are too wise to make these the staple articles of your diet. In mind as well as body there are penalties attached to allowing a morbid taste to control the selection of what we feed upon. The formation of 476 UTL OK THE UGH B OKS. taste may be upward or downward and is a process rather than an act. The upward formation is possi- ble for all, and is by no means arduous if properly directed. By carrying out the suggestion given in the next section one may in a comparatively short period of time attain unto a well furnished, well disciplined condition of mind which will justly excite admiration. " How did you acquire this knowledge ? How came you to enjoy these books ?" will be the questions of the one whose reading during the same period has been at random. WHAT TO READ. The vast array of books upon the shelves of the world's libraries is, to most persons, simply bewilder- ing. A comparatively small number contain the crys- tallized thought and wisdom of the centuries. Says Thoreau : " Books that are books are all you want and there are but a half dozen in any thousand." Books of TRAVEL are both pleasing and healthful. One scarcely need hold himself to the reading, the read- ing holds him. Butterworth's " Zig Zag Journeys ^.-i Europe," etc., cannot fail to interest the boys and girls. They will also enjoy Charles Carleton Coffin's " Our New Way Round the World." Thomas W. Knox's books, " Boy Travelers in Australasia," in Mexico, in South America, in Japan and China, in Siam and Java, in Ceylon and India, in Egypt and the Holy Land, "Through Africa," "On the Congo," etc., are exceed- ingly valuable, and many who are no longer " boys " will find them vastly entertaining. There are three UTL OK THE UGH B OKS. 477 readable and reliable volumes by Jules Verne on " Exploration of the World," Vol. I, " Famous Travels and Travelers." This covers the ground from the time of Herodotus, down to the 18th Century. Vol. II, " Great Navigators of the 18th Century." Vol. Ill, " Great Explorers of the 19th Century." Cassell & Co. have a series entitled, " The World : its Cities and People." The first two volumes are the most valuable for the general reader. The works of Livingston and Stanley are of course standard and need no recom- mendation. William E. Curtis has written a superb book on " The Capitals of Spanish America," and the reading of it will give one a delightful acquaintance with Mexico, Central and South America. William Simpson, F. R. G. S.,is the author of a work, " Meeting the Sun;" a journey all around the world through Egypt, China, Japan and California. It is not ex- pected that any one will read all these books; we have simply given a list from which to choose. Next, give attention to BIOGRAPHY. One may take the following seven land marks along the stream of time, read their lives and out *into their times and obtain a comprehensive grasp of the world's history : First, Alexander: o>. 326, B.C.). Read out into Macedon, Greece and the East. Second, Caesar: (b.ioo,B.c.>. Read out into the open- ing up of Western Europe, forward to the Golden Age and the beginnings of Christianity. Third Charlemagne: (b. 742, A. DO. Read out into the Middle Ages and study the Feudal system. OUTLOOK THRO UGH BOOKS. Fourth, Elizabeth : o>. 1533, A. D.>. Read out into "this age of England's proud pre-eminence in the politics of Europe and an age of the most original and power- ful literary creation ever witnessed." Fifth, Washington: (b. 1732, A. DO. Read out into this age of democratic ideas, of government of the people, for the people and by the people. Note America's influence in Europe, especially as seen in the French Revolution. Sixth, Napoleon : o>.i769,A.D.). Read out into all Eu- rope, also Egypt and Palestine. Seventh, Lincoln: (b.isoo.A.D.). Read out into Civil strife, human slavery in this and other ages also the slave trade in Africa. Begin with whichever these characters you are most likely to be interested in. Gather your ma- terials about that person by examining into all allu- sion to government, commerce, literature, science and religion. Then take another landmark and read as above indicated. Soon the lines of reading will begin to meet and cross and this will afford untold delight. Fiction, should have a place in our intellectual fur- nishing. " Purity, beauty, breadth and power " char- acterize Sir Walter Scott, and you will not err in plac- ing him first. Read "Ivanhoe," "Kenilworth," "Heart of Midlothian," or almost any other of his works. Read with a history at hand and look up his- torical allusions. Dickens, Eliot and Bulwer will also come in for a share of your time. The works of UTL OK THR UGH B OR S. 479 master minds will afford as much pleasure and vastly more profit than the mass of mediocrities called " the latest novels." Now, to develop another set of intellectual muscles, we should change the exercise and read up on SCIENCE. Truth is even stranger than fiction and a popular work like Warren's " Recreations in Astronomy," or Win chelFs " Walks and Talks in the Geological Field," will be found as fascinating as a novel and will be a revelation to persons not familiar with these subjects. The " Popular Series in Natural Science," by J. Dor- man Steele, will hold the attention of the reader and give a comprehensive grasp of Physiology, Zoology, Chemistry, Physics, Botany, etc. We do not say they are the best for advanced study but our design is to interest the uninterested. Over against science put POETRY and the DRAMA in order to preserve an intellectual equilibrium. After the historical and biographical readings above sug- gested one will experience little difficulty in becoming interested in Shakespeare. Choose from among the poets such ones as you find most congenial Lowell, Whittier, Tennyson, Scott, Longfellow should be among your best friends. The Poet's Corner in West- minster Abbey is that part in which visitors linger longest rather than among the tombs and monuments of kings, warriors and statesmen. The poets are im- mortal ; they live because they deserve to, and because we need them for the softening and beautifying of our lives. 480 UTLO OK THR UGH B OK 8. An educated person will be reasonably familiar with the history, legislation and literary production of the Jews as well as of other ancient nations. The treasures gathered up and preserved in the Bible are adapted to other than devotional uses. There is an intellectual element in the Scriptures which, so far from being out of harmony with the devotional element, does in fact enlarge and invigorate it. Says Prof. Harper of Yale University, "The study of the Bible merely as history and literature is as ennobling, as disciplinary and, in short, as valuable as any other his- tory and literature." Let us welcome all fair minded, scholarly, critical study of the Bible, and not suffer our selves to remain ignorant of its contents. The religion of Jesus has revolutionized a goodly part of the world, let us then know the facts and proofs of Christianity. Read The Bible and other Ancient Literatures in the Nineteenth Century, by Prof. Townsend, and The Christian Religion, by Prof. Fisher. Both these books are brief, straightforward and readable. In conclusion: First, in all your reading read out; read backward to causes and forward to results ; make constant use of dictionary, encyclopaedias, histories and other books of reference. Second, cultivate the ac- quaintance of a few choice spirits in the various depart- ments of literature. Make them your intimate friends. Honor them with your affection and each successive perusal will bring out new treasures of suggestive thought. TOILETTE RECIPES. To REMOVE FRECKLES. CHAPTER 42. CRAPE horseradish into a cup of cold sour milk ; let it stand twelve hours; strain, and apply two or three times a day. One ounce of alum, ditto of lemon -juice, in a pint of rose- water. Prepare the skin by spreading over it at night a paste composed of one ounce of bitter almonds, ditto of barley-flour, and a sufficient quantity of honey to give the paste consistency. Wash off in the morning, and during the day apply with a camel's-hair brush a lotion com- pounded thus : One drachm of muriatic acid, half a pint of rain-water and a teaspoonful of lavender- water, mixed. At night wash the skin with elder-flower water, and apply an ointment made by simmering gently one ounce of Venice soap, quarter of an ounce of deliquated oil of tartar, and ditto of oil of bitter almonds. When it acquires consistency, three drops of oil of rhodium may be added. Wash the ointment off in the morning with rose-water. 481 482 TOILETTE RECIPES. Muriate of ammonia half a drachm, lavender- water two drachms, distilled water half a pint; apply two or three times a day. Into half a pint of milk squeeze the juice of a lemon, with a spoonful of brandy, and boil, skim- ming well. Add a drachm of rock alum. Mix lemon-juice one ounce, powdered borax quarter of a drachm, sugar half a drachm; keep for a few days in a glass bottle and apply occa- sionally. To REMOVE WRINKLES. Melt white wax one ounce to gentle heat, and add juice of lily bulbs two ounces and honey two ounces, rose-water two drachms and attar of roses a drop or two. Use twice a day. Use tepid water instead of cold in ablutions. Put some powder of best myrrh upon an iron plate sufficiently heated to melt the gum gently, and when it liquefies cover your head with a napkin and hold your face over the myrrh at a proper dis- tance to receive the fumes without inconvenience. Do not use it if it causes headache. To REMOVE DISCOLORATION OF THE SKIN. Elder-flower ointment one ounce, sulphate of zinc twenty grains; mix well, and rub into the affected skin at night. In the morning wash it off with plenty of soap, and when the grease is completely removed apply the following lotion: Infusion of rose- TOILETTE RECIPES. 483 petals half a pint, citric acid thirty grains. All local discolorations will disappear under this treatment; and if freckles do not entirely yield, they will in most instances be greatly ameliorated. Should any unpleasant irritation or roughness of the skin follow the application, a lotion composed of half a pint of almond mixture and half a drachm of Goulard's ex- tract will afford immediate relief. To KEMOVE SUNBURN. Milk of almonds, obtained at the druggist's, is as good a remedy as any to use. COLD CREAM. Melt together a pint of oil of sweet almonds, one ounce of white wax, half an ounce of spermaceti and half a pint of rose-water. Beat to a paste. Put into a jar one pint of sweet-oil, half an ounce of spermaceti and two ounces of white wax. Melt in a jar by the fire. Add scent. To CURE CHILBLAINS. Rub with alum and water. Put the hands and feet two or three times a week into warm water in which two or three handfuls of common salt have been dissolved. Rub with a raw onion dipped in salt. When indications of chilblains first present them- selves, take vinegar three ounces, camphorated spir- its of wine one ounce; mix and rub. 484 1O1LETTE RECIPES. HAIR-CURLING FLUID. One of the fluids in use is made by dissolving a small portion of beeswax in an ounce of olive oil and adding scent according to fancy. The various fluids advertised and recommended for the purpose of giving straight hair a tendency to curl are all impositions. The only curling-fluid of any service is a very weak solution of isinglass, which will hold the curl in the position in which it is placed if care is taken that it follows the direction in which the hair naturally falls. To PREVENT THE HAIR FROM FALLING OFF. A quarter of a pint of cod-liver oil, two drachms of origanum, fifteen drops of ambergris, the same of musk. Boxwood shavings six ounces, proof spirits twelve ounces, spirits of rosemary two ounces, spirits of nutmeg one-half an ounce. Steep the boxwood shavings in the spirits for fourteen days at a temper- ature of 60; strain, and add the rest. Vinegar of cantharides half an ounce, eau-de-co- logne one ounce, rose-water one ounce. The scalp should be brushed briskly until it becomes red, and the lotion should then be applied to the roots of the hair twice a day. EYE TOOTH POWDER. Rye contains carbonate of lime, carbonate of mag- nesia, oxide of iron, manganese, and silica, all suita- TOILETTE RECIPES. 485 ble for application to the teeth. Therefore a fine tooth-powder is made by burning rye, or rye bread, to ashes, and grinding it to powder by passing the rolling pin over it. Pass the powder through a sieve and use. BANDOLINE. This essential for the toilette is prepared in several ways. It may be made of Iceland moss, a quarter of an ounce boiled in a quart of water, and a little rectified spirits added, so that it may keep. Simmer an ounce of quince seed in a quart of water for forty minutes ; strain, cool, add a few drops of scent, and bottle, corking tightly. Take of gum tragacanth one and a half drachms, water half a pint, rectified spirits mixed with an equal quantity of water three ounces, and a little scent. Let the mixture stand for a day or two, then strain. ROSE-WATER. Rose-water may be made by taking half an ounce of powdered white sugar and two drachms of mag- nesia; with these mix twelve drops of attar of roses. Add a quart of water and two ounces of alcohol, mixed in a gradual manner, and filter through blot- ting-paper. LIP-SALVE. This indispensable adjunct to the toilette may be 486 TOILETTE RECIPES. made by melting in a jar placed in a basin of boiling water a quarter of an ounce each of white wax and spermaceti, flour of benzoin fifteen grains, and half an ounce of oil of almonds. Stir till the mixture is cool. Color red with a little alkanet root. To ACQUIRE A BRIGHT AND SMOOTH SKIN. Distill two handfuls of jessamine flowers in a quart of rose-water and a quart of orange-water. Strain through porous paper, and add a scruple of musk and a scruple of ambergris. Tepid bath and harsh towel. Air and exercise. Tepid water and bran. Infuse wheat-bran, well sif- ted, for four hours in white wine vinegar; add to it five yolks of eggs and two grains of ambergris, and distill the whole. It should be carefully corked for twelve or fifteen days. Constant application. STICKING-PLASTER. Stretch a piece of black silk on a wooden frame, and apply dissolved isinglass to one side of it with a brush. Let it dry, repeat the process, and then cover with a strong tincture of balsam of Peru. To IMPROVE THE COMPLEXION. The whites of four eggs boiled in rose-water, half an ounce of alum, half an ounce of oil of sweet almonds ; beat the whole together until it assumes the consistency of paste. Spread upon a silk or muslin mask, to be worn at night, TOILETTE RECIPES. 487 BURNS. An application of cold, wet common whitening, placed on immediately, is recommended as an inval- uable remedy. PIMPERNEL WATER. Pimpernel is a most wholesome plant, and often used in European countries for the purpose of whiten- ing the complexion; it is there in so high reputa- tion, that it is said generally, that it ought to be continually on the toilet of every lady who cares for the brightness of her skin. Take a small piece of the gum benzoin and boil it in spirits of wine till it becomes a rich tincture. Fifteen drops poured into a glass of water; wash and leave to dry. To SOFTEN THE HANDS. Take half a pound of soft soap, a gill of salad oil, an ounce of mutton tallow, and boil them till they are thoroughly mixed. After the boiling has ceased, but before the mixture is cold, add one gill of spirits of wine and a grain of musk. Anoint the hands, draw on gloves, and let them remain till morning. FOR ROUGHNESS OF THE SKIN. Steep the pimpernel plant in pure rain-water, and bathe the face with the decoction. Mix two parts of white brandy with one part of 488 TOILETTE RECIPES. rose-water, and wash the face night and morning. Take equal parts of the seed of the melon, pump- kin, gourd and cucumber, pounded until they are reduced to powder; add to it sufficient fresh cream to dilute the flour, and then add milk enough to reduce the whole to a thin paste. Add a grain of musk and a few drops of the oil of lemon. Anoint the face with this; leave it on twenty or thirty minutes, or over-night if convenient, and wash off with w r arm water. It gives a remarkable purity and brightness to the complexion. FOR ROUGH AND CHAPPED HANDS. Lemon-juice three ounces, white wine vinegar three ounces, and white brandy one-half a pint. To PREVENT HAIR TURNING GRAY. Oxide of bismuth four drachms, spermaceti four drachms, pure hog's lard four ounces. Melt the two last and add the first. To SOFTEN AND BEAUTIFY THE HAIR. Beat up the whites of four eggs into a froth, and rub thoroughly in close to the roots of the hair. Leave it to dry on. Then wash the head and hair clean with a mixture of equal parts of rum and rose- water. To REMOVE PIMPLES. Pimples are sometimes removed by frequent wash- TOILETTE RECIPES. 489 ings in warm water and prolonged friction with a coarse towel. Sulphur-water one ounce, acetated liquor of am- monia one-quarter of an ounce, liquor of potassa one grain, white wine vinegar two ounces, distilled water two ounces. Bathe the face. To REMOVE TAN. New milk half a pint, lemon-juice one-fourth of nn ounce, white brandy half an ounce. Boil the whole, and skim clear from scum. Use night and morning. CURE FOR CORNS. Ons teaspoonful of tar, one teaspoonful of coarse brown sugar and one teaspoonful of saltpetre, the whole to be warmed together. Spread it on kip leather the size of the corns, and in two days they will be drawn out. Take nightshade berries, boil them in hog's lard, and anoint the corn with the salve. CHAPPED LIPS. Oil of roses four ounces, white wax one ounc&, spermaceti one-half an ounce. Melt in a glass vessel and stir with a wooden spoon. Pour into a glass or china cup. REMEDY FOR BLACK TEETH. Take equal parts of cream of tartar and salt; 490 TOILETTE RECIPES. pulverize it and mix it well. Then wash your teeth in the morning, and rub them with the powder. To CLEAN THE TEETH AND GUMS. Take one ounce of myrrh in fine powder, two tahlespoonfuls of honey, and a little green sage in very fine powder. Mix them well together, and wet the teeth and gums with a little every night and morning. POMADE AGAINST BALDNESS. Take of extract of yellow Peruvian bark fifteen grains, extract of rhatany-root eight grains, extract of burdock-root and oil of nutmegs (fixed) of each two drachms, camphor (dissolved, with spirits of wine) fifteen grains, beef-marrow two ounces, best olive oil one ounce, citron-juice one-half a drachm, aromatic essential oil as much as sufficient to render it fragrant. Mix and make into an ointment. COLOGNE. Take one gallon of spirits of wine and add of the oil of lemon, orange and bergamot each a spoonful, also add extract of vanilla forty drops. Shake until the oils are cut, then add a pint and a half of soft water. Take two drachms each of oil of lemon, oil of rosemary and oil of bergamot, one drachm of oil of lavender, ten drops each of oil of cinnamon and oil of cloves, two drops of oil of rose, eight drops of TOILETTE RECIPES. 491 tincture of musk, and one quart of alcohol or spirits of wine. Mix all together, when it will be ready for use. The older it gets, the better. Take one gallon of ninety per cent alcohol, and add to it one ounce each of oil of bergamot and oil of orange, two drachms of oil of cedrat, one drachm each of oil of neroli and oil of rosemary. Mix well, and it is fit for use. OX-MARROW POMATUM. Take two ounces of yellow wax and twelve ounces of beef-marrow. Melt all together, and when suffi- ciently cool perfume it with the essential oil of almonds. DENTIFRICE*. The following is one of the best recipes for tooth- powder: Take of prepared chalk six ounces, cassia powder, half an ounce, orris-root, an ounce. These are to be well mixed, and may be colored with red lake, or any other innocent substance, according to the fancy of the user. This dentifrice is to be used with a firm brush every morning; the teeth should also be brush- ed before going to bed, but it is seldom necessary to use the powder more than once a day. To CLEAN KID GLOVES. Wash them with soap and water, then stretch them on wooden hands or pull them into shape with- 492 TOILETTE RECIPES. out wringing them ; next rub them with pipe-clay or yellow ochre, or a mixture of the two, in any requir- ed shade, made into a paste with heer ; let them dry gradually, and when about half dry rub them well, so as to smooth them and put them into shape; then dry them, brush out the superfluous color, cover them with paper and smooth them with a warm iron. Other colors may be employed to mix the pipe-clay besides yellow ochre. ANOTHER. Put the gloves on your hands and wash them, as if you were washing your hands, in some spirits of turpentine, until quite clean; then hang them up in a warm place or where there is a current of air, and all smell of the turpentine will be removed. By rubbing gloves with a clean cloth dipped in milk and then rubbed on brown Windsor soap you may restore them to a very fair state of cleanliness. How TO MAKE SHOES AND BOOTS WATERPROOF. Take neats' foot oil and dissolve in it caoutchouc (India-rubber), a sufficient quantity to form a kind of varnish; rub this on your boots or shoes. The oil must be placed where it is warm, and the caout- chouc put into it in parings. It will take several days to dissolve. To REMOVE A TIGHT RING. When a ring happens to get tightly fixed on the TOILETTE RECIPES. 493 finger, as it will sometimes do, a piece of common twine should be wei) soaped, and then be wound round the finger as tightly as possible or as can be borne. The twine should commence at the point of the finger and be continued till the ring is reached ; the end of the twine must then be forced through the ring with the head of a needle, or anything else that may be at hand. If the string is then unwound, the ring is almost sure to come off the finger with it. To LOOSEN STOPPERS OF TOILETTE-BOTTLES. Let a drop of pure oil flow round the stopper, and stand the bottle a foot or two from the fire. After a time tap the stopper smartly, but not too hard, with the handle of a hair-brush; if this is not effectual, use a fresh drop of oil and repeat the process. It is pretty sure to succeed. CLEANING JEWELRY. Gold ornaments are best kept bright and clean with soap and warm water, with which they should be scrubbed, a soft nail-brush being used for the pur- pose. They may be dried in box sawdust, in a bed of which it is desirable to let them lie before the fire for a time. Imitation jewelry may be treated in the same way. To CLEAN KID BOOTS. Mix a little white of egg and ink in a bottle, so that the composition may be well shaken up when required for use. Apply to the kid with a piece of 494 TOILETTE RECIPES. sponge and rub dry. The best thing to rub with is the palm of the hand. When the kid shows symp- toms of cracking, rub in a few drops of sweet oil. The soles and heels should be polished with common blacking. CLEANING SILVER. For cleaning silver, either articles of personal wear or those pertaining to the toilette-table or dressing- case, there is nothing better than a spoon-ful of com- mon whitening, carefully pounded so as to be without lumps, reduced to a paste with gin. To EEMOVE GREASE-SPOTS. French chalk is useful for removing grease-spots from clothing. Spots on silk will sometimes yield if a piece of blotting-paper is placed over them and the blade of a knife is heated (not too much) and passed over the paper. To CLEAN PATENT-LEATHER BOOTS. In cleaning patent-leather boots, first remove all the dirt upon them with a sponge or flannel; then the boot should be rubbed lightly over with a paste consisting of two spoonfuls of cream and one of linseed-oil, both of which require to be warmed be- fore being mixed. Polish with a soft cloth. To TAKE MILDEW OUT OF LINEN. Wet the linen which contains the mildew with soft water, rub it well with white soap, then scrape some TOILETTE RECIPES. 495 fine chalk to powder and rub it well into the linen; lay it out on the grass in the sunshine, watching to keep it damp with soft water. Repeat the process the next day, and in a few hours the mildew will entirely disappear. To REMOVE STAINS AND SPOTS FROM SILK. We often find that lemon-juice, vinegar, oil of vit- riol and other sharp corrosives stain dyed garments. Sometimes, by adding a little pearlash to a soap- lather and passing the silks through these, the faded color will be restored. Pearlash and warm water will sometimes do alone, but it is the most efficacious to use the soap-lather and pearlash together. Boil five ounces of soft water and six ounces of powdered alum for a short time, and pour it into a vessel to cool. Warm it for use, and wash the stained part with it and leave to dry. Wash the soiled part with ether, and the grease will disappear. TOOTHACHE PREVENTIVE. Use flowers of sulphur as a tooth-powder every night, rubbing the teeth and gums with a rather hard toothbrush. If done after dinner too, all the better. It preserves the teeth and does not commu- nicate any smell whatever to the mouth. CERTAIN CURE FOR A FELON. Take a pint of common soft soap and stir in it air- slaked lime till it is of the consistency of glazier's 496 TOILETTE RECIPES. putty. Make a leather thimble, fill it with this com- position and insert the finger therein, and change the composition once in twenty minutes, and a cure is certain. CURE FOE THE CROUP. A piece of fresh lard as large as a butternut, rub- bed up with sugar in the same way that butter and sugar are prepared for the dressing of puddings, divided into three parts and given at intervals of twenty minutes, will relieve any case of croup which has not already progressed to the fatal point. CURE FOR INGROWING NAILS ON TOES. ^.ake a little tallow and put it into a spoon, and heat it over a lamp until it becomes very hot ; then pour it on the sore or granulation. The effect will be almost magical. The pain and tenderness will at once be relieved. The operation causes very little pain il ^e tallow is perfectly heated. Perhaps a re- petition may be necessary in some cases. To EEMOVE GREASE-SPOTS FROM WOOLEN CLOTH. Take one quart of spirits of wine or alcohol, twelve drops of wintergreen, one gill of beef-gall and six cents' worth of lavender. A little alkanet to color if you wish. Mix. To CLEAN WOOLEN CLOTH. Take equal parts of spirits of hartshorn and ether. Ox-gall mixed with it makes it better. TOILETTE RECIPES. 497 To TAKE INK-SPOTS FROM LINEN. Take a piece of mould candle of the finest kind, melt it, and dip the spotted part of the linen in the melted tallow. Then throw the linen into the wash. How TO DARKEN FADED FALSE HAIR. The switches, curls and frizzes which fashion de- mands should be worn will fade in course of time; and though they match the natural hair perfectly at first, they will finally present a lighter tint. If the hair is brown this can be remedied. Obtain a yard of dark-brown calico. Boil it until the color has well come out into the water. Then into this water dip the hair, and take it out and dry it. Repeat the operation until it shall be of the required depth of shade. How TO WASH LACES. Take an old wine-bottle and cover it with the cut- off leg of a soft, firm stocking, sewing it tightly above and below. Then wind the soiled collar or lace smoothly around the covered bottle; take a fine needle and thread and sew very carefully around the outer edge of the collar, catching every loop fast to the stocking. Then shake the bottle up and down in a pailful of warm soap-suds, occasionally rubbing tho soiled places with a sponge. It can be rinsed after the same manner. It must be rinsed well. When the lace is clean, then apply a very weak solution of gum arabic and stand the bottle in the 498 TOILETTE RECIPES. sunshine to dry. Rip off the lace very carefully when perfectly dry. Instead of ironing, lay it be- tween the white leaves of a heavy book; or, if you are in a hurry, iron on flannel between a few thick- nesses of fine rnuslin. Done up in this way, lace collars will wear longer, stay clean longer, and have a rich, new, lacy look that they will not have otherwise. To KEEP HAIR IN CURL. To keep hair in curl, take a few quince-seed, boil them in water, and add perfumery if you like; wet the hair with this, and it will keep in curl longer than from the use of any other preparation. It is also good to keep the hair in place on the forehead on going out in the wind. PUTTING AWAY FURS FOR THE SUMMER. When you are ready to put away furs and woolens, and want to guard against the depredations of moths, pack them securely in paper flour-sacks and tie them up well. This is better than camphor or tobacco or snuff scattered among them in chest and drawers. Before putting your muffs away for the summer twirl them by the cords at the ends, so that every hair will straighten. Put them in their boxes and paste a strip of paper where the lid fits on. REMEDY FOR BURNT KID OR LEATHER SHOES. If a lady has had the misfortune to put her shoes TOILETTE RECIPES. 499 or slippers too near the stove, and thus got them burned, she can make them nearly as good as ever by spreading soft-soap upon them while they are still hot, and then, when they are cold, washing it off. It softens the leather and prevents it drawing up. To CLEAN SILKS AND RIBBONS. The water in which pared potatoes have been boiled is very good to wash black silks in ; it stiffens and makes them glossy and black. Camphene will extract grease and clean ribbons without changing the color of most things. They should be dried in the open air and ironed when pretty dry. Soap-suds answer very well. They should be wash- ed in two suds and not rinsed in clean water. Take equal quantities of soap lye-soap, alchol or gin, and molasses. Lay the silk on a clean table without creasing; rub on the mixture with a flannel cloth. Rinse the silk well in cold clear water, and hang it up to dry without wringing. Iron it, before it gets dry, on the wrong side. Silks and ribbons treated in this way will look very nice. To CHOOSE GOOD BLACK SILK. Pull out a thread of the filling and see if it is strong. If it stands the test, then rub one coner of the silk in the hands as though washing it. After this operation, if it be good silk, it will upon being brushed out, look as smooth as ever. If, on holding 500 TOILETTE RECIPES. it up to the light and looking through it, you see no traces of the rubbing, be sure the silk is good. The warp and filling should not differ much in size, or it will not wear well. If you choose a figured silk, let the figure be small and well woven in, else it will soon present a frayed appearance, and you will have to pick off the little tags of silk that will dot the breadths. How TO WASH A NUBIA. These pretty fleecy things are often ruined in the first washing. Yet it is possible to wash them and have them look almost as well as ever. First braid the tassels, then make a hot suds with fine castile soap, and instead of rubbing or wringing it with the hands, run it through the wringing-machine. Then open the nubia as widely as possible and spread it on some clean place to dry. A bed is a good place for this. After it is thoroughly dry take the braid out of the tassels, and the pretty little waves will be in them just as before washing. It is the rubbing and twisting of a nubia, or any knit article, which dam- ages it, and makes it look old and worn instead of light and airy and fleecy, as it does at first. If any article of this kind is torn, it should be mended carefully with crewel or fine silk of a corresponding color. Then dampen the place repaired, lay a paper over it, and press the spot with a warm iron. To TAKE STAINS OUT OF SILK. Mix together in a vial two ounces of essence of TOILETTE RECIPES. 501 lemon and one ounce of oil of turpentine. Grease and other spots in silk must be rubbed gently with a linen rag dipped in the above composition. To EEMOVE ACID-STAINS FROM SILK. Apply spirits of hartshorn, with a soft rag. How TO WHITEN LINEN. Stains occasioned by fruit, iron rust and other similar causes may be removed by applying to the parts injured a weak solution of the chloride of lime, the cloth having been previously well washed. The parts subjected to this operation should be sub- sequently well rinsed in soft, clear, warm water, with- out soap, and be immediately dried in the sun. Oxalic acid diluted by water will accomplish the same end. PROTECTION AGAINST MOTHS. A small piece of paper or linen moistened with turpentine and put into the wardrobe or drawers for a single day two or three times a year is a sufficient preservative against moths. To EXTRACT PAINT FROM GARMENTS. Saturate the spot with spirits of turpentine, let it remain a number of hours, then rub it between the hands; it will crumble away without injury either to the texture or color of any kind of woolen, cotton or silk goods. 502 TOILETTE RECIPES. To REMOVE STAINS FROM WHITE COTTON GOODS, Scalding water will remove fruit-stains. So also will hartshorn diluted with warm water, but it will be necessary to apply it several times. Common salt rubbed on fruit stains before they become dry will extract them. Colored cotton goods that have ink spilled on them should be soaked in lukewarm sour milk. For mildew, rub in salt and some buttermilk, and expose it to the influence of a hot sun. Chalk and soap or lemon-juice and salt are also good. As fast as the spots become dry more should be rubbed on, and the garment should be kept in the sun until the spots disappear. Some one of the preceding things will extract most kinds of stains but a hot sun is necessary to render any one of them ef- fectual. To EEMOVE SPOTS OF PITCH OR TAR. Scrape off all the pitch or tar you can, then sat* urate the spots with sweet-oil or lard; rub it in well, and let it remain in a warm place for an hour. THE EOTX && "XiKi^^Ult^ ? i % * e ' "? fe- *U?QI 1W*X&% atf^ .-?^r.^r*k >TIW H v 4 * &fciBfc*S ;v**s^ B*^ wfea^^ss