THE LIBRARY 
 
 OF 
 
 THE UNIVERSITY 
 
 OF CALIFORNIA 
 
 DAVIS 
 
 GIFT OF 
 
 EDWIN C. VOORHIES 
 
EMILY E. MOLINEAUX. 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS- 
 
 An interesting Narrative of Life in the Southerm 
 
 States before and during the Civil War, with. 
 
 incidents of the bombardment of Atlanta. 
 
 by the Union forces, the author being 
 
 then a resident of that City. 
 
 H Y 
 
 TCMIJ.Y K. MO'L.INEAUX* 
 
 THE "WHITE CLOAK. EVANGELIST." 
 
 SAN FRANCISCO, 19O2- 
 
 C. W. GORDON, PRINTER, SS55 MISSION STREET-.. 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 This book is written by my own hand,, and sets forth 
 the events of my life, both under moral and spiritual law. 
 It shows the difference between natural and divine history, 
 and- God's supremacy over all. 
 
 This volume does not contain fiction but facts, for it 
 gives the events of my life just as I passed through them, 
 and shows the Truth as I experienced it and learned to 
 know it. Though in writing it I have found so many 
 broken links in the chain of thought, that the endeavor 
 to weld them together has been almost like trying to 
 gather, one by one, the pebbles on the ocean shore, or 
 trying to replace golden moments forever past. I have 
 done my best to make the narration complete. 
 
 I have written in simplicity, and for the redeeming of 
 our race, and I dedicate my book to the Lord, trusting 
 that the Holy Spirit may carry its message to the hearts 
 of all humanity both Jews and Gentiles. 
 
 K- E- M. 
 
INTRODUCTION. 
 
 I have read the manuscript of this work of Mrs. 
 Molineaux with much interest, and have revised and 
 edited a portion of it. It is well written, and plainly 
 portrays the life and experiences of a good woman. 
 Many were her distresses and cares, but the Lord merci 
 fully brought her through them all, and her life story 
 will be of great benefit to every one who reads it. 
 
 Her religious experience is of unusual interest, and 
 will prove of great benefit to many a soul who may be 
 confused and tried by the arts of Satan and the allure 
 ments of the world. 
 
 I take great pleasure in recommending the work to 
 the general public, and pray that it may be made a 
 great blessing to every one of its readers, and prove 
 the means of leading many a weary soul to Christ. 
 
 W. S. URMY. 
 OAKLAND, 1902. 
 
CONTENTS 
 
 PART FIRST. 
 
 PAGE, 
 
 My Childhood, _._-__ 5 
 
 My Sister Ann's Conversion 8 
 
 My New Home n 
 
 God Moves in a Mysterious Way . 15 
 
 My Marriage and Later Life 20 
 
 The South and North Divide "... _ _ _ _ . 25 
 
 My War Time Experiences. _ . . . . 28 
 
 A Midnight Tragedy ... 33 
 
 With the Atlanta Refugees 37 
 
 My Claim Against the Government 42 
 
 Wandering Again 45 
 
 Across the Continent 47 
 
 My Sanctifi cation 52 
 
 Called to Preach . _ _ 54 
 
 Hot Springs Revisited 58 
 
 My Bvangelistic Work 61 
 
 In Denver, Colorado. 66 
 
 In Kansas City and Elsewhere _. 69 
 
 My Return to San Francisco '.-... 71 
 
 Extract From My Sister's Letter 74 
 
 PART SECOND. 
 
 My Christian Experiences 76 
 
 The First Experience '.-. 76 
 
 The Second Experience ... 82 
 
 The Third Experience 86 
 
 A Poetical Treasure 95 
 
 The Heavenly Sculptor. 98 
 
MY EARLY LIFE. 
 
 I was born on February 16, 1829, and was the fourth 
 of the thirteen children who comprised the family of 
 William J. and Nancy W. Bowman, of Green County, 
 Tennessee. 
 
 My father was a student, and afterwards a teacher in 
 Tusculum College, of which Samuel W. Doak was Presi 
 dent at the time While at college he formed the acquaint 
 ance of Nancy W. McKeehan, whose parents were among 
 the early settlers of that county, and left the college to 
 marry her for which reason his father, Jesse Bean, of 
 Cohabba, Alabama, disinherited him. He then took his 
 mother's maiden name, and was afterwards known as 
 William J. Bowman. 
 
 Although not a converted Christian, my father read 
 the Bible in his family and brought his children up very 
 strictly, the penalty for a broken rule or disobedience of 
 any kind being correction by the rod. He was a fine 
 scholar and an excellent teacher, and our home life would 
 have been happy and prosperous had it not been for the 
 fact that he was addicted to drink. After leaving college 
 he established a private school, where he taught languages 
 as well as the other educational branches ; but his classes 
 were often broken up on account of his unfortunate habit, 
 and my mother would be obliged to go out among his 
 patrons and plead with them to continue to send their 
 children to him for instruction. As in those days we 
 had no free schools, and competent teachers were scarce, 
 
6 LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 
 
 he was allowed even after serious lapses from sobriety to 
 resume his position in the community, and sometimes our 
 friends and neighbors would, in a kindly way, celebrate 
 his return to his duties. He was the only teacher that 
 his own children ever had ; but, in spite of his ability, 
 our early instruction, on account of his intemperance, was 
 very deficient, and included none of the higher branches 
 of learning. 
 
 My parents were noted for their hospitality, but were 
 not members of any religious society nor of any secret 
 order. At home I was not blessed with the privilege of 
 hearing the voice of father or mother in prayer ; but my 
 mother, who, although brought up along the strictest of 
 Presbyterian lines, favored the Baptist denomination more 
 than any other, warned her children when they came to 
 years of maturity that sin would be eternally punished. 
 She taught us that there was a hell and a heaven, and 
 said that we must repent and forsake our sins and be 
 converted and baptized in order to enter into heaven. 
 She also taught us verses and chapters of Scripture ; but, 
 notwithstanding these teachings, from cradle to woman 
 hood I never had a serious thought as to my soul, death, 
 judgment or eternity. When, however, I heard a sermon 
 preached by an inspired preacher, it was to me like cool 
 ing waters to a thirsty traveler in a parched desert, and 
 this led me to believe that there was a God and a heaven. 
 My poor starved soul went out to such a speaker, for I 
 knew that he had something that I lacked something 
 that came from no earthly source and I longed to be like 
 him, and to have the same assurance of the truth. 
 
 At such times I thought : " If there be a heaven it is 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 7 
 
 in him ; and if there be a God he is taught of Him " 
 
 When a minister expounded the glorious beauty and 
 grandeur and bliss of heaven showed the terrors and 
 miseries of hell, and warned the people to flee from the 
 wrath to come every word seemed to be accompanied by 
 the deepest anxiety of heart and love toward all mankind, 
 and seemed to have for me a special and earnest message. 
 But when I went out from a place of divine worship it 
 was like going out into a dreary wilderness full of doubt 
 and temptations, and the enemy would soon overcome all 
 the good desires of my heart. 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 
 
 MY SISTER ANN'S CONVERSION. 
 
 When I was about fifteen years old, two preachers 
 Mr. Wylie Poulee and a Mr. Smith held revival services 
 in my father's school-house, which was within half a 
 mile of our home. I had never attended a revival, or 
 seen a soul converted, or heard the testimony of a Chris 
 tian, save through ministers of the gospel, and my mother 
 arranged matters so that my sister Ann, whom I loved 
 very dearly, since she was only about a year older than 
 myself and my favorite sister, could, with me, attend the 
 meetings. 
 
 We went regularly, and Ann seemed impressed from 
 the first ; and one night, when there was a call for all 
 who desired to be saved to go forward to the altar, she 
 asked me to go with her to be prayed for ; but I refused, 
 for I was full of laughter and fun at the time. She urged 
 me so strongly, however, that for her sake alone I finally 
 accompanied her down the aisle, and we both knelt 
 together. In a few minutes she arose, with a light of 
 glory shining in her face, laughing, and clapping her 
 hands joyfully. She told the story of the cross, and 
 showed by every word and look that a wonderful change 
 had come to her. That night she told me her experience 
 in detail, and said that the following hymn always her 
 favorite had brought her to Christ : 
 
 " Alas and did my Saviour bleed, 
 And did my Sovereign die ? 
 Would he devote [thatjsacred head 
 For such a worm as I ? 
 
ANN M. BOWMAN. 
 
 And they that be wise shall shine as the brightness of the 
 firmament; and they that turn many to righteousness as the stars 
 for ever and ever. Daniel, xii ; 3. 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 9 
 
 " Was it for crimes that I had done 
 
 He groaned upon the tree ? 
 Amazing pity, grace unknown 
 And love beyond degree ! 
 
 " But drops of grief can ne'er repay 
 
 The debt of love I owe ; 
 Here, Lord, I give myself away, 
 ,'Tis all;that I can do." 
 
 My sister Ann, who died in 1887, was the first person 
 that I ever saw converted, and I realized that there was, 
 after that, a complete separation between us. It appeared 
 to me as though she belonged to the Lord and that I 
 belonged to Satan, and, in this condition, I felt that I was 
 no more worthy of her love. It was one of the saddest 
 separations that I ever experienced, but she exhorted me 
 to also seek the Lord, and I promised her that I would. 
 
 Shortly afier this Ann was baptized in Holston river, 
 and the next day a Methodist minister C. Austin by 
 name came with his wife and took her away to live with 
 them. As they rode away on their horses, I stood gazing 
 at her until she went out of sight, and feeling as if my 
 heart would break. 
 
 I fully intended to keep my farewell promise to my 
 dear sister, when there should come a convenient time ; 
 but months rolled away, and the "convenient season" 
 did not come. I loved the world and thought that I 
 could not give it up. Though I was willing to be saved 
 with the world, unless I could be positively assured of the 
 reward of eternal life, I felt that I could not bring myself 
 to part with what I had ; and I thought it better to make 
 sure of one life than to lose both. 
 
io LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 
 
 Through a kind Providence my sister and I were 
 reunited, and her heavenly countenance and earnest words 
 made me realize my unworthiness and feel greatly humil 
 iated. The tears ran down my cheeks like raindrops, as 
 she asked : 
 
 " Emily, have you found the Lord yet ?" 
 ; ''No, I have not,'.' I answered. 
 
 ,& / "-Oh, do not give up your search for Him," she plead, 
 and I renewed my promise to her that I would seek until 
 I found Him. 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS, n 
 
 MY NEW HOME. 
 
 I was still between two desires, for I wished to hold 
 on to the world and Christ at the same time ; and I lived 
 in this way for nearly two years, though I often felt that 
 1 was in danger of putting off my decision until too late. 
 Every time that my sister and I met, her looks and words 
 would seem to almost break my heart, and it came to me 
 at last that I had been living this kind of a life long 
 enough, and that I must change my course or I nevei 
 could be saved. 
 
 At that time I was about sixteen years old, in excel 
 lent health, and life gave promise of many years ; but 
 I was unsettled in all my ways, since I had no permanent 
 home, and I often felt that I was a pilgrim and a wanderer 
 upon earth. All the Christian counsel that I received 
 was from sister Ann, and I became anxious to find a place 
 in some Christian family where 1 might profit both by 
 precept and example. Soon after I had made up my 
 mind definitely upon this point I was directed to apply to 
 Robert Cardwell, who lived on a plantation in Granger 
 County, Tennessee, about two miles from where I was 
 then living, 'and I made up a small bundle of clothes and 
 started for his place. 
 
 When I reached Mr. Cardwell's house I introduced 
 myself as the daughter of William J. Bowman, the teacher 
 of Jefferson County, and said that, being in search of a 
 Christian family where I could make my homt, I had 
 
12 LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 
 
 been referred to him. It is pleasant to remember that I 
 was most cordially received, and during my entire stay 
 with these good people was treated as kindly as it I had 
 been one of their own children. 
 
 I had sought this place in order to be saved by grace, 
 but I never told my new friends, who thought I was 
 already a Christian, of this. These two devoted Chris 
 tians, who worshipped in public and kept up a family altar 
 in their home, soon became very fond of me ; and at night 
 I gathered with them around the hearthstone, listened to 
 the reading of the old family Bible, and united my voice 
 with theirs in hymns of prayer and praise, such as : 
 
 " A charge to keep I have, 
 A God to glorify." 
 
 I began to think that this was in truth the place for 
 which I had long been seeking, for when Sunday morning 
 came everything about this blessed home seemed to speak 
 of heaven. I felt that I had got out of darkness, and it 
 appeared to me as if I had come out into a broad and 
 beautiful plain, and the way was now open for me. 
 When the horses were harnessed to the carryall, and I was 
 seated between these two dear souls on the way to the 
 church of Shiloh, of which they were members, I felt 
 sure that the time had indeed come for me to seek the 
 Lord. 
 
 So earnest was I that I found for myself a secret place 
 in the woods, under the branches of an oak, where I 
 might, undisturbed, commune with my Maker. I thought 
 at this time that performing all the duties of a Christian, 
 forsaking all sin, and living in perfect obedience to God, 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 13 
 
 would bring me to Christ, and that my good works would 
 save me, and I lived this self-righteous life for some 
 months ; but at last I was fully convinced of my need of 
 a Saviour. 
 
 The moment came to me, but I still hesitated. "Is 
 there any reality in this ?" I thought "Can I believe 
 there is a hereafter and a heaven ?" 
 
 And then these words of Scripture came to me : 
 
 "For what is a man profited if he shall gain the whole 
 world and lose his own soul ; or what shall a man give 
 in exchange for his soul ?" 
 
 I said : "I will give the world in exchange for my 
 soul and heaven." 
 
 Then I, with all earnestness, made my consecration to 
 the Lord. I covenanted to give up the world and my 
 companions, and to forsake sin and even the appearance 
 of evil. I made a solemn promise to the Lord that I 
 would never give up trying until I felt myself truly 
 saved. 
 
 Satan, however, came and argued with me, saying: 
 " You will fail in that for which you have sought, and 
 lose both the life that is now and the life for which you 
 hope, for there is no God and no hereafter." 
 
 But immediately another, an inner, voice said : "Prove 
 me ; try me ; bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse 
 and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of Hosts ;" 
 and, thus strengthened, I could answer the tempter : 
 " Get thee behind me, Satan ; I will obey and follow the 
 Lord." 
 
 Satan left me, and I pledged myself anew never to 
 cease my efforts until I was saved, or had completely 
 
14 LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 
 
 surrendered myself, the world, Satan, and everything 
 that was sinful. When, if ever, I thought, I should 
 reach that point, if God did not save me I should have 
 to believe that there was neither any God or heaven or 
 eternity. 
 
 Why was it that, feeling as I did, I was still unsaved ? 
 It was because I was merely trusting in myself, and 
 believed that my good works would save me and ought 
 to give me a clear title to heaven. Beware, dear reader, 
 of putting your faith in your own good works and self- 
 righteous deeds built on and from self, for these are a 
 sandy foundation and the poorest of material, and will all 
 come to naught at the end. To make sure of heaven we 
 must give up the world, and all that is in it, entirely. We 
 must not only give up this in coming near the Kingdom, 
 but we have plain proof in the Scriptures that we must 
 give up our lives also. 
 
 My great fear at this time was that I might be deceived 
 in regard to my conversion, or that I might unconsciously 
 act the hypocrite ; and I prayed God to keep me from both 
 these things, and to let me know clearly and plainly when 
 I was saved. I realized that I must know Him person 
 ally and experimentally. I must know him in the 
 pardoning of my sins by feeling an inner change in my 
 entire being ; and I committed my way unto Him, and 
 looked to Him as my leader, counselor, and guide, that 
 He might guard me against the assaults of Satan and all 
 pitfalls by the way wherein I might stumble. 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 15 
 
 " God Works in a Mysterious Way." 
 
 A yearly camp meeting was held at a place called 
 Spring Creek Camp Ground, and Mr. and Mrs. Card well 
 owned a small log cabin on the grounds and attended 
 regularly. In those days we had no tents, and all the 
 campers used log cabins, while the meetings were held in 
 a large wooden shed. The Card wells kindly invited me 
 to go to this place with them, and I prayed earnestly that 
 I might be saved during the progress of the meeting. My 
 sister Ann, and many of the old veterans of the Cross, 
 were to be there, and I felt that through their instru 
 mentality my wish might be accomplished, not knowing 
 at that time that the Lord needed no help to do this won 
 derful thing. I was still trusting in my own righteous 
 ness, and leaning upon Christians instead of the Lord ; 
 but I knew it not, for I was thoroughly in earnest in my 
 endeavors, though in those days I had studied the Bible 
 but very little, and was poorly informed as to Divine law. 
 
 The camp meeting was conducted upon the apostolic 
 order, the churches all uniting. There was no buying or 
 selling on the grounds ; everything was free, and all 
 things were in common, being divided with all as all had 
 need. A spirit of unselfishness and helpfulness prevailed, 
 and the whole atmosphere seemed full of kindliness and 
 good will. 
 
 When the meeting opened a penitent altar was estab 
 lished, and, as usual, all who desired to be saved were 
 
1 6 LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 
 
 invited to come forward. I remembered my covenant and 
 vow to the Lord, and was the first to bow before that 
 altar ; continuing to do so, both night and day, through 
 out the meetings until but two days remained of their 
 allotted time. Then, at last, I gave up faith in myself 
 and all earthly hopes, and felt that I was indeed lost. I 
 had specially chosen this time and place in which to be 
 saved and how dreadful was the thought that He might 
 now reject me, and leave me in the hands of the enemy 
 throughout eternity. 
 
 Once realizing this I became sin -sick. I had acted as 
 table waiter for the preachers, but found myself unable to 
 continue. I fasted, and felt that I might die at any 
 moment ; but the death that was coming to me was a 
 spiritual and not a physical death ; it was the death that 
 must precede spiritual life. 
 
 The farewell sermons were being preached, and I 
 concealed myself behind our cabin door, which opened 
 into the auditorium, where I could hear every word that 
 was spoken. They pierced me through and through, 
 and I wept bitterly. Then there came an inner voice 
 saying : 
 
 ' ' Come out from your hiding place and go down to 
 the altar." 
 
 "That was the voice of the Lord," I thought ; and 
 then I hesitated, saying to myself : 
 
 "I cannot walk down there; I am too weak and ill, 
 and there are too many looking on." 
 
 But the thought of my solemn promise that I would 
 do anything that the Lord bade me to do in order to be 
 saved, and that I would never give it up, moved me to 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 17 
 
 obey, and I went and sat down within the altar. 
 
 Our circuit rider, William Allee, was delivering his 
 last address, and, as i saw the tears falling from his eyes, 
 his words penetrated my heart and killed me that is. the 
 Self that I had so long struggled with. I died ; but 
 passed from death into life. I was born again ; made a 
 new creature in Christ Jesus. "Old things are passed 
 away, and behold ! all things are become new." 
 
 Oh, what a change ! I was born of the spirit ; risen 
 with Christ ! Dear reader, this spiritual birth is inde 
 scribable. 
 
 "Come and hear, all ye that fear God, and I will 
 declare what He hath done for my soul." In my distress 
 I cried unto the Lord and He heard me. I cried with my 
 whole heart " Save !" and he saved me. 
 
 " O, clap your hands all ye people; shout unto the 
 Lord with the voice of triumph. O, sing unto the Lord 
 a new song ; make a joyful noise unto the Lord, for He 
 satisfieth the longing soul and filleth the hungry soul with 
 goodness." 
 
 It was heaven on earth to at last know my Redeemer. 
 The whole encampment reverberated with shouts of 
 triumph. All things animate and inanimate seemed 
 praising God, and the earth was filled with His glory. I 
 drank in one wave of glory after another, and knew not 
 myself, for I was filled with it. As I stood before the 
 altar clothed in innocence, old Mother Earth and all 
 things in nature seemed touched with heavenly beauty. 
 I felt that I had come up from the dead, out of a world 
 of darkness and sin ; that I was liberated from a prison 
 house ; that I wasjin a new world. The New Jerusalem 
 
1 8 LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 
 
 opened and heaven came down ; earth and heaven w6re 
 united, and the angels ascended and descended. 
 
 The beloved minister, whose words had brought me to 
 the Saviour, now stood leaning over the pulpit weeping 
 and laughing, with outstretched arms to receive me into 
 his fellowship and brotherly love ; and I have cherished the 
 memory of him as he looked at that moment all through 
 my life. His words will never be forgotten ; and I feel 
 sure that I shall find them and his name enrolled in the 
 Lamb's Book of Life. 
 
 Dear reader, have you entered in? "O, come and 
 taste, and see that the Lord is good." How many have 
 tasted this fruit and drank at this living fountain. You 
 have a loving friend who is reliable in every way, and is 
 ready at all times to deliver you out of every peril of life. 
 He stands with outstretched arms ready to receive you, 
 and to fill you with all the fulness of God. He is a just, 
 loving and merciful Saviour, and you are one of His chil 
 dren out in the wild desert of life, lost in a wilderness of 
 sin, and He longs to save and comfort you. But, remem 
 ber, we must give up all in coming to Christ ; all earthly 
 ties and affections must go ; all earthly props upon which 
 we lean must come down. 
 
 " He that loveth father or mother more than Me is not 
 worthy of Me ; and he that loveth son or daughter more 
 than Me is not worthy of Me ; and he that taketh not his 
 cross and followeth after Me is not worthy of Me." 
 
 Oh, how merciful was God to spare my life and give 
 me so long a time in which to struggle against my stub, 
 born heart, and to realize just how I must come to him ! 
 When I found that it was true that there was a Saviour 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS- 19 
 
 who could and would save me, and fill me with all the 
 riches and glory of heaven, the thought of my past ingrat 
 itude and unbelief almost overwhelmed me. Would that 
 I could persuade all who read this simple story of the 
 blessed experience that was mine in the early morning of 
 life when I was between sixteen and seventeen years of 
 age, to ever doubt our dear Lord, but to turn to Him at 
 once, and know what it is to be folded in His arms of 
 love. 
 
20 LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 
 
 My Marraige and Later Life. 
 
 When I was twenty-one years of age I was. with the 
 consent of my parents, united in marriage with L. D. 
 Buchanan, our wedding taking place at my father's 
 house December 26, 1849. Not long after this event my 
 husband's brother, Thomas Buchanan, who lived in 
 Louisiana, came with his wife to make us a visit, and 
 when they returned to their home we accompanied them. 
 
 My husband was a painter by trade, but he was also a 
 farmer ; and, soon after our arrival in Louisiana he was 
 given the position of overseer of negroes on a plantation, 
 at a good salary. A few months subsequent to this I 
 became the mother of a daughter ; but my happiness was 
 early clouded by the fact that, within a year after our 
 marriage, my husband yielded to the vice of intemperance, 
 and the most of his earnings, which should have gone for 
 the support of his wife and chil'd, was dissipated in this 
 way. 
 
 In 1852 my health, and also that of my little girl, 
 became very poor, as we both suffered greatly from chills 
 and fever ; and my husband sent us back to my mother, 
 who was then living in Knoxville, Tennessee, with my 
 brother, J. M. Howruan, then a clerk in a clothing house, 
 who kindly took care of us, I doing what I could to 
 lighten the expense by sewing on garments furnished me 
 from the store. 
 
 Two years passed during which I received no word 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 21 
 
 from my husband, and then, one day, he unexpectedly 
 appeared, bearing every evidence in looks and manners 
 that his deplorable habit was more firmly in control of 
 him than when we parted. The death of my little girl. 
 two years and eight months old, followed soon after we 
 were re-united, and nearly broke my heart. 
 
 In [854 I became the mother of a son, of whom I was 
 very proud and fond, but who caused me much after 
 unhappiness, in that he followed in the footsteps of his 
 father and grandfather, and became a victim of an insa 
 tiable fondness for alcoholic stimulants. Only those who 
 have had a similar experience can understand the trial 
 and grief I passed through on account of this. How true 
 are the Proverbs of Solomon, where he says : "Wine is a 
 mocker ; strong drink is raging ; and whosoever is 
 deceived thereby is not wise." Alcohol mocks the man 
 who says that it "builds him up" It shatters his 
 nerves, wrecks his life, and builds only a consuming fire 
 to rage continually within him. 
 
 When my son was ten months old my husband's con 
 duct became such that patience with him ceased to be a 
 virtue, and, after serious and prayerful consideration of 
 the matter, I felt obliged to leave him. After this I lived 
 an unsettled and unsatisfactory life for some years, mak 
 ing my home wherever I chanced to be, and trying to 
 feel that all people were my people. I was like Hager 
 when she was driven forth to wander in the wilderness of 
 Beer-sheba, and I felt that those who had peaceful and 
 permanent homes could not appreciate them as would I, 
 to whom that form of earthly happiness seemed to be 
 denied. I tried, however, to accommodate myself to 
 
22 LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 
 
 circumstances, and be thankful for all other things that I 
 received. 
 
 " I tried to feel contented with my lot, 
 Whether I dwelt in hall or humble cot. 
 With grateful heart to take what God might send, 
 And feel that, rich or poor, He was tny friend. 
 
 ' ' The kindly acts that made my pathway bright, 
 To Him I traced, who ever doeth right. 
 I envied none, for wit, or gold, or fame, 
 But lived at peace with all, and without blame." 
 
 When I left Knoxville I visited my husband's cousin 
 and his family, in Central Georgia. I found them very 
 proud people, whose wealth consisted mainly of negroes, 
 and thought best to remain there but a short time ; going 
 from their home to that of Robert and Elizabeth Card- 
 well, with whom I had lived in my girlhood, and where 
 I felt sure of a welcome. As I drew near their old 
 plantation, with its green fields and shady groves, the 
 days of my youth came back to my mind, when all was 
 light and life. I felt as if I had come out of Egypt and 
 entered into the land of Canaan. I looked upon the old 
 homestead where I had spent so many happy .days, and 
 forgot for the moment the sorrows that had come to me 
 since I lived beneath that roof. I listened to the singing 
 birds, where God in nature first smiled upon me, and my 
 heart thrilled with joy too sacred ever to be forgotten. 
 And as I viewed the place where grace divine first found 
 me, oh ! how dear to my memory were her tents and her 
 altars ! 
 
 After spending some months with these dear friends I 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 23 
 
 returned to Knoxville, and there visited ray brother-in- 
 law, Thomas Buchanan who then lived in Indiola, Texas, 
 and was kindly received by himself and his wife. At the 
 conclusion of a visit of a few months I crossed the Gulf 
 of Mexico by steamer to New Orleans, where I remained 
 at a hotel for a short time, since a terrific gale experienced 
 on the Gulf had made me very ill When my strength 
 returned I continued my journey to Knoxville, remaining 
 there for some time, and occasionally visiting in outside 
 places. 
 
 During all this time I had the sole care of my son, 
 and my lot was. as can be seen, cast among many differ 
 ent kinds of people and in almost every condition of life 
 that can be imagined. Often in my loneliness I craved 
 the place of a servant, who at least has a settled home 
 and is saved from the many unpleasant experiences that 
 fell to my wandering lot. Many temptations were placed 
 in my pathway to allure me from the right ; but, when 
 finances and true friendship seemed to fail me, then I 
 thought of how God commanded the ravens .to feed 
 Elijah, and how the widow's handful of meal in the barrel 
 wasted not, neither did the cruse of oil fail, and had faith 
 that I should be likewise provided for. 
 
 My anxiety to have a settled home continued through 
 all my wanderings, and finally I was advised to go to a 
 little village called Tullahoma, situated between Nashville 
 and Chattanooga. This was a place that had been beau 
 tifully planned and laid out as a summer resort by a 
 wealthy gentleman of Nashville. General Moore, who 
 was an old veteran of the Creek war, was land agent 
 there, and through him I bought a nice lot and had a 
 
24 LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 
 
 neat cottage built thereon. The financial assistance of 
 several friends enabled me to do this, and also to furnish 
 it cheaply but prettily. When my son and I moved into 
 our new home he was three years old and I was twenty- 
 five, and I felt that as far as earthly comfort goes I had 
 little, if anything, of which to complain. I appreciated, 
 to the utmost, the long-wished-for happiness that was at 
 last mine. All was rest, and I felt utterly peaceful and 
 content in my new home. 
 
 " 'Mid pleasures and palaces though we may roam, 
 Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home : 
 An exile from home, splendor dazzles in vain, 
 O. give me my lowly thatched cottage again. 
 A charm from the skies seems to hallow us there, 
 Which, seek through the world, is ne'er met with 
 
 elsewhere. 
 
 The birds singing gaily that come at my call, 
 O, give me sweet peace of mind, dearer than all. 
 
 Home, home ; sweet, sweet home ! 
 
 Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home." 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 25 
 
 The South and North Divide. 
 
 I lived a quiet and peaceful life in rny little home for 
 six years, and was then obliged to <ive it up. It seemed 
 that I had but just begun to know the happiness of real 
 home-life when I w.is forced again to go forth into the 
 outside world and resume my wanderings. 
 
 There was, however, no help for it. The vSouth and 
 the North had come into conflict, and I was obliged to 
 endure a part of the consequent suffering. Slavery was 
 the rock upon which they split ; and I could not but feel 
 that the contention of the North was right. 
 
 In the part of the South in which I was born and 
 brought up the slaves were generally well treated, as most 
 of them were owned by good people. Aside from the 
 fact that they were in bondage, they fared as well as the 
 white people ; but, when I went to Louisiana, after my 
 marriage, I saw what I had never witnessed before, and 
 that was the cruel and inhuman treatment of slaves by 
 some of the slave-holders of that section. When I saw 
 the severe punishments inflicted upon some poor negroes 
 I lost all respect for their owners ; and I am convinced 
 that it was this barbarous treatmant of slaves that brought 
 on the Civil War. Had the negroes been more kindly 
 used by their masters, the terrible war, with its fearful 
 loss of life, would never have occurred. 
 
 Since Christ, our Saviour, died for man, slavery is 
 wrong. It is not in accordance with the law of grace and 
 
26 LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 
 
 love for one man to own another, for man as a human 
 being is morally free ; and every man, of whatever nation, 
 color, sect or creed, is free under God's law. God's 
 justice at last overruled the injustice of man and broke 
 the fetters of cruelty. God was behind it all, and we 
 must accept the freedom of the African, and all other 
 races, as coming from him. 
 
 The cry of the North was that the negroes must be 
 freed ; and the South, not willing to do this, severed itself 
 from the Union and established a government of its own, 
 in which to perpstuate their bondage Jefferson Davis 
 was elected President of the newly-formed Southern Con 
 federacy ; the Confederate flag was raised, and Confed 
 erate money issued. 
 
 Even after the war broke out, had the Confederacy 
 accepted the compromise measures offered by the North, 
 the freedom of the slaves would have been delayed ; but 
 God willed otherwise, and the war continued. Father 
 was arrayed against son, and brother against brother 
 H mes and families were divided by this dreadful strife, 
 and the pleasant Southland was devastated and laid 
 waste. 
 
 General Bragg was commander of the fort in the little 
 town where I had made my home, and the whole place 
 was turned into military headquarters. Under the orders 
 of the General we, who had no military duties there, had 
 to remove and go elsewhere. The cry of battle was on 
 every side ; all was excitement and confusion. Individual 
 rights are lost sight of in the clash of great armies, and I 
 was forced to abandon my loved cottage, and, bidding it 
 a sad farewell, looked for shelter outside those familiar 
 walls. 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 27 
 
 Retreat !" they shout. " The enemy 
 
 Is close upon the town !" 
 No time is there for fond farewells 
 
 'Neath grim War's threatening frown. 
 
 The call " To arms !" strikes every heart 
 
 With over-mastering dread, 
 For well we know the morrow's sun 
 
 Will shine on dear ones dead. 
 
 The sullen roar of cannonade 
 
 Pervades the summer air ; 
 The hail of grape-shot thickly falls 
 
 Upon the blossoms fair. 
 
 In battle's front, my well-loved home, 
 
 A sacrifice thou art 
 To human passions fiercely roused, 
 
 And thou and I must part. 
 
28 LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 
 
 My War-Time Experiences. 
 
 Having never read a history of the Civil War, written 
 by either side, I rely for this narrative upon what I saw 
 with my own eyes and personally experienced ; and I 
 shall endeavor to relate this part of my life, both spiritual 
 and secular, exactly as I passed through it. As far as it 
 goes, therefore, it will be a truthful history of ihat time. 
 
 It was in mid-summer of 1863 when we left Tulla- 
 homa going thence to Dalton, Georgia, and remaining 
 there until after the battle of Chickamauga, which was 
 then pending. After this battle the citizens of Dalton 
 received a request from headquarters to assist in caring 
 for the wounded when the cars reached their town, and I 
 assisted in this work until all the wounded were brought 
 in from the battle-field. I ministered to Federals as well 
 as to Confederates, but I dared not express sympathy, 
 lest I might show my colors ; for 1 was not in favor of 
 slavery, and it would have been dangerous, situated as I 
 was, to express my true sentiments. 
 
 After this work was finished we went on to Atlanta, 
 and I had been there only twelve months when the bom 
 bardment of that place began. We were cut off from all 
 outside supplies, and all drew rations from the common 
 stock stored in the city, while the prices for everything 
 that could be purchased were most exhorbitant. 
 
 General Hood was in command at Atlanta, and the 
 town was strongly fortified ; but it could not resist the 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 29 
 
 attack of General Sherman's powerful army, forcing its 
 way to the sea, and leaving death and desolation in its 
 track. In the month of July, 1864, General Sherman 
 demanded the surrender of the city, and stated that if this 
 was refused a certain number of days would be allowed 
 for the removal of women and children, and that then the 
 bombardment would begin. The Federal army had been 
 reenforced, and their batteries were planted in favorable 
 places ready to open fire upon the doomed town. 
 
 Great consternation was of course caused by these 
 terrible preparations which were going on outside. 
 Everything seemed turned upside down, and the people 
 rushed aimlessly hither and thither. The city was 
 crowded at the time, many persons living in the open air, 
 where women did their cooking without shelter under the 
 scorching rays of the summer sun. The negroes were 
 crowded together in barracks, their owners doing every 
 thing in their power to hold them fearing that ti\e Yankees 
 would get possession of them and set them free. 
 
 About half of the inhabitants left the place during the 
 days of grace given us, and those who remained sought 
 underground shelter wherever possible, through fear of 
 shot and shell. I, with my son (who was no weight years 
 old), was, with some other persons, temporarily occupying 
 a cooper-sliop, and one evening a gentleman of fine 
 appearance called at the door. He was on his way home 
 from down town, and told us that his name was J. F. 
 Warner, and that he was the Superintendent of the State 
 Gas Works. After talking for some he said to me : 
 
 4 ' Are you not very uncomfortable here ? Would you 
 not like to come up to my house to live ?' ' at the same 
 
30 LIFETIME; RECOLLECTIONS. 
 
 time pointing out his house, which was a beautiful place, 
 surrounded by trees and situated upon a little hill. 
 
 I thanked him, and said that I should like to go very 
 much ; and he then said : 
 
 " Will you come with me now ? I have a little daugh 
 ter, eight years old. My wife died a short time ago, and 
 the nurse who has been taking care of my child and look 
 ing after the house has left the city to escape the bom 
 bardment. I should like you to care for my little girl." 
 
 I assented, and, taking my boy, went with this good 
 and kind-hearted man to his home, which I found to be a 
 cottage of six or seven rooms, well furnished, and sup 
 plied not only with the comforts, but the luxuries, of life. 
 After showing me through the house, Mr. Warner said : 
 
 "You can make this your home, for I am only wait 
 ing for the way to open so that I can go North." 
 
 His wife, I learned, had left a young baby when she 
 died, which had already been sent North to the care of 
 friends. 
 
 The position held by Mr. Warner had, for a time, 
 exempted him from conscription in the Southern Army ; 
 but he was then at home on a furlough, having been at 
 last compelled to go into the field. Mr. Warner was loyal 
 to the Union, and did not wish to do anything against 
 his principles, but the time had arrived when he must 
 make a decision as to what course to pursue. His fur 
 lough had expired, and I had been but a short time in 
 his house when Sherman s army began the siege. He 
 decided not to return to the army, and he was so closely 
 pursued by the Confederate conscript officers that he had 
 to secrete himself as much as possible. 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 31 
 
 A man named Michael Campbell, who had been a 
 Sergeant in the army, but had been laid off duty because 
 of age and feebleness was employed by him to cafe for 
 the garden and attend to the outside work, and the two 
 together made a casket of brick, dressed off smoothly on 
 the inside, which was just large enough for Mr. Warner 
 to lie down in. This they placed under that gentleman's 
 bedroom floor, and made a trap-door in the floor near the 
 bed, arranging all with such cleverness that no one could 
 mistrust anything unusual. This being done, whenever 
 we saw the officers coming, or thought that there was 
 any danger of a visit from them, we hid our employer in 
 the casket and stood sentinel for him to warn him 
 against a surprise as the officers were then threatening 
 his life. 
 
 The bombardment became daily more and more terrible. 
 Shot and shell fell upon the houses like a storm of hdl. 
 and the roar of the cannon was like the noise of a tornado. 
 Destruction was on every side of us. We made a breast 
 work of our large cotton mattresses, placing them in front 
 of the cellar, and got behind this barricade, but found our 
 position very unsafe and sought to find some surer pro 
 tection. 
 
 There was in the center of the yard an unused well, 
 forty-eight feet deep and Michael Campbell took a pick 
 and shovel and dug a hole in the side of this, half-way 
 down, just large enough for us to crowd into. While 
 this place of. refuge was being prepared the conscript 
 officer came to the house. Mr. Warner managed to get 
 into the casket in time, and I x was standing guard 
 
 The officer inquired of me where Mr. Warner was, 
 
32 LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 
 
 and I told him that we had just received a message from 
 him and that he would soon be home. He said : " I will 
 fix him when I get him." But, while he said these 
 words, he was standing almost on the place where the 
 man for whom he sought was concealed, and left the 
 house without even suspecting the fact. 
 
 We took possession at once of our quarters in the well, 
 going down to them by means of a hook and ladder ; and 
 I felt thankful that our lives were secure for at least a 
 short time, although the terrific explosions of the shells 
 above our heads shook the whole foundation, and it 
 seemed at times as though the earth would cave in on 
 us and send us to the bottom of the well, and bury us 
 there We could scarcely hear each other speak because 
 of the noise of the cannonading. 
 
 Our house was in front of one of the batteries which 
 was firing at the State shop and gas works, but I had to 
 j:o there to prepare our food. As far as possible I did so 
 during the intervals in the firing, but sometimes I was 
 caught and the shells would begin to fall before I could 
 get back to shelter. When this happened I would catch 
 up in my hands or apron anything eatable within reach 
 and run to the well, where the family were quite content, 
 under the circumstances, to take a ''bite" out of my 
 fingers without thinking of ceremony. 
 
LIFETIME. RECOLLECTIONS. 33 
 
 A Midnight Tragedy. 
 
 So far during the siege we had all, with the exception 
 of Mr. Warner, who would never risk it, slept upstairs in 
 our beds ; and we had become so accustomed to the roar 
 of the shots and shells that their noise hushed us to sleep. 
 The little girl, however, became ill from the dampness of 
 the well, and the father, who was giving her some simple 
 treatment, decided that for his child's sake he would 
 break his rule and sleep with her in his room. So it was 
 that on one fatal evening he bade us good night, and, 
 taking the little one with him, went to his long unused 
 apartment and to bed. 
 
 It was between eleven and twelve o'clock when I was 
 awakened by the sound of groans, and thought that 
 probably some soldier near by had been struck by a shell. 
 I rose and called Michael Campbell, who slept in a room 
 adjoining, and told him that some one was wounded close 
 at hand. He listened, and then rushed to Mr. Warner's 
 chamber, where he found a twenty-four pound shell still 
 hot and unexploded. 
 
 This shell had passed through the wall, striking both 
 Mr. Warner and Lizzie as they lay in the bed, and demol 
 ishing almost everything in the room. The child had 
 been killed instantly as she lay asleep, with a smile on her 
 face, and her father was fatally wounded, as both legs 
 were severed from his body. 
 
 When I spoke to him, he said calmly : - 
 
34 LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 
 
 " I shall not live. I shall soon be with Susy in 
 heaven." 
 
 Fifteen minutes after that he died ; but, during that 
 interval he called for paper and wrote his will one of us 
 guiding his hand, and gave us many instructions and 
 directions Then he called for a glass of water and 
 passed quietly away. 
 
 While this was going on we had hard work to get 
 three of his loyal friends out of their bomb-proofs to come 
 and see him ; and. when at last they did come, one of 
 them fainted when he beheld the ruin, and another had 
 to be assisted from the room. These friends hastened 
 quickly back to their bomb-proofs and left us alone with 
 the dead. 
 
 All this time I had left my son alone, for I had forgot 
 ten him entirely while attending to Mr. Warner and 
 Lizzie, but when Mr. Warner was no longer alive I was 
 free to care for him. I nearly fainted in the effort to get 
 him out of the house, for the missiles of death were flying 
 in every direction, and I had to face the cannon that was 
 turned directly upon us. I pulled the frightened child 
 out of bed and managed to get him down into the well ; 
 and then I sat down and wept, crying at the top of my 
 voice, but there was no one to come to my relief, or even 
 to hear me. 
 
 The following is an extract from an article written 
 about this sad disaster by a reporter for the New York 
 ''Tribune," who interviewed Michael Campbell and 
 myself after the fall of Atlanta : 
 
 "THE WARNKR FAMILY CALAMITY. 
 "On the night of the 3d of August, 1864, as shot 
 
RECOLLECTIONS. 35 
 
 and shell whistled and hummed as they tore through the 
 heavens on their raid of death and desolation, what a 
 night of horror was spent in that afflicted mansion no one 
 can ever tell but the brave inmates of that house. The 
 midnight air without a ray, and the streets of the deserted 
 city reverberated with the demoniac shrieks of the savage 
 shells as they seethed and tore through the heavens on 
 their raid of death and desolation." 
 
 These verses came to me as I sat meditating in the 
 well on that night of terror and disaster : 
 
 When the midnight cry began, O what lamentation ! 
 Thousands sleeping in their sins, neglecting their salvation. 
 
 When this cruel war is over, 
 
 And the sun of peace shall rise, 
 We will shout and sing together, 
 
 And our gladness fill the skies. 
 
 When this cruel war is over. 
 
 With its scenes of blood and strife, 
 Truth shall then be crowned with victory 
 
 Freedom quickened into life. 
 
 When this cruel war is over, 
 
 And the roll is called no more, 
 We will sing heaven's glorious anthems, 
 
 Meeting on the other shore. C. R. M. 
 
 Two da}^s after this Sherman's army surrounded 
 Atlanta ; the doomed city surrendered, and peace was 
 proclaimed therein. I came out of my hiding place, 
 when I heard the cry : " Atlanta has surrendered !" and 
 I felt like .shouting, so great was my relief and thankful 
 ness. I hoisted a white flag, rejoicing exceedingly. It 
 
LIFETIME RECOIXKCTIONS 36 
 
 seemed as though the resurrection had come, and, 
 although everything was in ruins, yet our old Mother 
 Earth looked beautiful to me, with the sky and the sun 
 smiling down upon us. I felt like making a public feast 
 and calling in the people, that -we might rejoice together. 
 Surely no one can express the feelings of persons long 
 prisoned underground when they are restored to light 
 and life again ; and no pen of mine can ever tell what we 
 besieged ones had passed through during those days and 
 nights spent under the awful shadow of ever-threatening 
 death. 
 
 As soon as possible after the fatal catastrophe which 
 had so suddenly broken up our household, we sent a 
 telegram to Mr. Warner's brother, Charles, and he arrived 
 in Atlanta just after the double burial, so that all that 
 remained for him to do was to take charge of Mr. War 
 ner's effects and return to his own home. The murderous 
 shell I gave to a Boston reporter, helping him to box it 
 up to send to the Boston Museum, there to be exhibited 
 for the benefit of the National Soldiers' and Sailors' 
 Widows and Orphans ; and so this sad episode of my life 
 closed. 
 
 The day after the fall of Atlanta some officers and 
 inspectors from Sherman's army came walking by the 
 house, and I heard them say : " This place has suffered ," 
 but, when they went inside and beheld the walls and floor 
 and the whole extent of the destruction, they were .sur 
 prised indeed. 
 
 I said to them, in answer to their inquiries : 
 
 " All this is due to you ; you have removed all that 
 was in this house, except what you now see :" and when 
 I related all the sad circumstances to them, they expressed 
 sincere and heartfelt sorrow. 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 37 
 
 With the Atlanta Refugees. 
 
 Again the time had come for me to wander, for the 
 officers in charge of the fallen city quickly made prepara 
 tions to send its inhabitants elsewhere. General Sherman 
 chartered a train to carry the refugees away, and when it 
 rolled in we all hastened to get aboard. Soon after we 
 started a trainload of Yankee soldiers passed by us and 
 began singing "The Bonnie Blue Flag," and " Hurrah, 
 Hurrah! For the homespun Dresses, Hurrah!" I 
 fancied that they looked at me when they sang this song, 
 and I felt very uncomfortable, for I was like the snail in 
 that all that I possessed was on my back ; and, although 
 my dress had been very expensive, it was then soiled and 
 looked, as did the garments of all the other refugees, 
 exceedingly cheap and poor. 
 
 I had been very unfortunate about my personal belong 
 ings, for when I went to Atlanta my trunks went astray, 
 and I never saw them, or any of their contents, again. 
 At the beginning of the siege everything had gone up in 
 price, but I had been able to buy a pair of shoes and a 
 dress, the dress being of "store cotton," a common 
 checked goods, but costing seventy-five dollars in Confed 
 erate money, while the shoes cost as much more. The 
 latest fashion for ladies' dresses in Atlanta at this time 
 was the "Confederate uniform," so my costume was 
 made up in military style. 
 
 We were now going we knew not where, only that it 
 was away from the Confederacy. We found, however, 
 
38 LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 
 
 that our destination was Cincinnati, where there was a 
 temporary abiding place established, called the " Refugees' 
 Home," for those who were banished from their own 
 homes and country. Into this place we were taken 
 immediately upon our arrival in the city ; but, finding 
 it not suitable for any one to remain in, I left it, after 
 passing one night there, and determined to seek other 
 quarters. 
 
 Having no money and no friends I was quite at a loss 
 what to do, but secured a good breakfast through the 
 kindness of the proprietor of one of the fine hotels, to 
 whom I told my story. After this I had more courage, 
 and set about trying to find some one who would help me 
 to obtain shelter ; but I found this a difficult task at first, 
 since the majority of people whom I met looked upon all 
 the refugees as traitors, and it seemed necessary only to 
 say that one was from the South in order to be judged 
 wickedly. 
 
 At last, however, I was directed to call upon a Mrs. 
 Flynn, the wife of Judge Flynn, who was a woman 
 prominent as an orator, and was also a " Copperhead," as 
 rebel sympathizers were called. When I told this lady 
 my story she welcomed me into her home until such a 
 time as I could help myself, and then took me out with 
 her, promenading the streets of the city, showing me to 
 the people and making speeches in my behalf. She would 
 have me come forward at each place where she spoke and 
 put out my foot to exhibit my shoes, and tell the price of 
 them and the soiled Confederate uniform dress which I 
 wore. Every possible kindness was bestowed upon me 
 as I was taken around and shown to the people. 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 39 
 
 I was advised to call upon a Mr. Bartlett, who kept the 
 Union Commissary store, which was established for the 
 assistance of the widows and orphans of Union soldiers, 
 and not for Confederates or refugees from Atlanta. He 
 bade me be seated, and then asked : " What can I do for 
 you ?" 
 
 " Anything," I answered. 
 
 " Where are you from ? Atlanta ?" 
 
 "Yes/' I answered. 
 
 " Were you in the bombardment ? I read a report of 
 the siege yesterday." 
 
 I handed him the New York " Tribune," which con 
 tained an account of the Warner family calamity, and he 
 said : 
 
 " Are you the lady spoken of in that report ?" 
 
 I told him that I was, and his next words were : 
 
 " What do you need ? This place is for Union sol 
 diers' widows and orphans, but you can have anything 
 you want in dry goods or groceries. What are you most 
 in need of ?' ' 
 
 " All that I own," I replied, " I am now wearing, and 
 I will gladly take anything that you will give me." 
 
 And then I told him that I had been to Mrs. Judge 
 Flynn, a Copperhead, and that she had given me some 
 shoes ; and I told him also how I had been banished 
 from my home and lost all my belongings of every kind, 
 and all that had happened to me during the past months 
 of unrest and suffering. When I told him that I had 
 been sent to the Refugees' Home, but had left it, he said 
 that I was quite right in doing so, for it was not a fit 
 place to live in. 
 
40 LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 
 
 This kind gentleman supplied my every present need, 
 and I sincerely rejoiced over the finding of such a true 
 friend in my adversity. I was afterwards seen by a man 
 buying goods in the store on Mr. Bartlett's check, and he 
 said : ''I will report him and have him turned out of 
 office for assisting that woman from Atlanta." Such was 
 the unkind spirit of this poor sinner who knew nothing 
 about me, save that I had come from that southern city, 
 and therefore supposed me to be a secessionist. 
 
 I now took a small room for myself and son, where I 
 spent the winter, with the assistance of the Union Chris 
 tian Commission, and remained quietly until spring 
 opened with new prospects, as on April 14, 1865, we 
 celebrated the restoration of the old flag over all the 
 land. 
 
 The two great chieftains, General Lee, of the Confed 
 erate army, and General Grant, of the Union forces, had 
 met, and the ceremony of absolute surrender had been 
 accomplished. Many bereaved and broken hearts revived 
 with the hope of the reunion of North and South in the 
 bonds of peace and brotherly love, and there was great 
 rejoicing. 
 
 On the next day, April 15, however, all the joy was 
 turned into mourning, for word came that the President, 
 Abraham Lincoln, had been assassinated in a theater in 
 Washington on the previous evening. Great excitement 
 prevailed all over the nation as soon as this awful fact 
 became known, and it was a time for us who were from 
 the South to hold our peace, for we were all looked upon 
 as desperadoes by those who judged wrongfully. I 
 crossed the river and went to Covington, Kentucky, on 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 4t 
 
 this day, not because I was precisely afraid of harm com 
 ing to me, but because it seemed better to be out of the 
 city during such a time of grief and anger. 
 
 The way now opened to send the refugees back to their 
 homes, and with my little boy I was soon on my way to 
 the South. I first went to Nashville, then to Dalton, 
 Georgia, where I was most cordially welcomed and 
 treated with a kindness which I have never forgotten. I 
 stayed there, however, but a short time, returning to my 
 mother in Dalton, where she was watching her little home 
 and taking care of the sick and wounded. She had 
 passed through many dangers and narrow escapes during 
 our separation, but had been mercifully spared, and I was 
 again blessed by the happiness of her loving presence, and 
 the delight of once more feeling myself within the walls 
 of a real home. 
 
 Though those days are long since passed, these recol 
 lections are dear to my memory, and I think both with joy 
 and sorrow how everything has changed since that fateful 
 July, 1863, when I was banished from home to endure 
 exile among strangers. Eternity alone can tell the true 
 and complete history of that cruel war of which I have 
 here related only my own hard experience. 
 
 Now this cruel war is over, 
 
 And the people all sent home, 
 Rejoice and sing the, anthems, 
 
 No more do we have to roam ! 
 Glory, glory, hallelujah ! 
 
 We're returning to our home. 
 
42 LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 
 
 My Claim Against the Government. 
 
 At the close of the war the desolation in the South 
 was appalling, and a general appeal was sent forth for 
 help. Everything had been laid in ruins, and thousands 
 of people had been stripped of all that they owned. In 
 this extremity the very people against whom we had 
 fought our supposed enemies raised millions of dollars 
 to provide food and clothing and other necessaries to help 
 and comfort those whom they had conquered. 
 
 Nearly every one in the South had to begin liie anew, 
 and put forth every possible exertion in the endeavor to 
 recover from the deplorable condition in which the war had 
 left them. Thousands were homeless and utterly desti 
 tute, without anything whatever by means of which to 
 support life. The suffering of that time, however, makes 
 too sad a picture to dwell upon. Most bravely our 
 Southern brethren fought to maintain what they claimed 
 was right. No people could have been more faithful and 
 devoted ; but God willed otherwise and their efforts came 
 to naught. I^et us be thankful that those days of dissen 
 sion and consequent misery are over forever. 
 
 Divided we fall, united we stand ; 
 Unconquered forever, while hand clasps 
 
 in hand. 
 
 God is right ; right is right ; 
 And the day right must win. 
 To doubt is disloyal. 
 To falter is sin. 
 
 Not long after my return to the South I was sent to 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 43 
 
 my home in middle Tennessee, and when I arrived there 
 I knew not the spot where my house had stood, except 
 by a little heap of earth where the chimney had been. 
 It had been razed to the ground, and had utterly dis 
 appeared. I made out a claim for the loss of my 
 property, and was given transportation to Washington 
 City, where I was obliged to go to present it to the 
 proper authorities. 
 
 Taking my papers to the Quartermaster General, 
 and stating my business, I was received with great 
 kindness ; sent to one of the best hotels in the city, 
 and all my expenses, such as hotel bills, street car 
 fare, etc., were paid by the Quartermaster General 
 himself. 
 
 After my visit to this official I took my papers to 
 Andrew Johnson, who was then President, and was one 
 who loved his country and its whole people. I remem 
 bered him as a tailor in Greenville, the home of my early 
 childhood, for he used to dress my doll for me in the 
 tailor shop there, when I was a little girl seven or eight 
 years of age He was not ashamed of his humble 
 friends, but retained pleasant memories of those early 
 days, and received me most kindly. He personally 
 examined all my papers and afterwards gave me trans 
 portation to Boston, where I had made up my mind to 
 go after leaving my claim in charge of the Quartermaster 
 General, in order to visit the headquarters of the Chris 
 tian Relief clothing house and secure something to wear. 
 
 On my arrival in Boston I was cordially received and 
 well cared for, and, after I made myself fully known, I 
 was taken to a house that was filled with the best kind 
 
44 LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 
 
 of clothing, which had been made for the distressed people 
 of the South. The persons in charge told me to select 
 for myself, and allowed me to pack a large trunk full for 
 myself, and also to take some for my mother. I can 
 never forget their goodness, and how freely they bestowed 
 their much needed and gratefully received charity upon 
 me. Glad indeed it made my mother when I related the 
 story of my travels to her, and, opening my trunk, 
 showed her the clothing of various materials and quali 
 ties, all finished and ready to wear, which those kind 
 people had sent to her. This dear woman, beloved by all 
 who knew her, fell asleep in Jesus at the age of eighty - 
 six. 
 
 A VISION OF MY MOTHER. 
 
 The memory of my mother's face 
 
 The years have never dimmed, 
 It seems to me a fairer one 
 
 Than artist ever limned. 
 O, mother, though long years have fled 
 
 Since we two last did part, 
 I cannot feel that you are dead 
 
 You still live in my heart. 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 45 
 
 Wandering Again. 
 
 As my claim was not paid for two years, and I had no 
 other property whatever, I found myself again dependent 
 on the hospitality of others ; and, soon after my return 
 from the Kast I took my son and went to Hot Springs, 
 Arkansas, where I remained for some months with a 
 sister (Mrs. A. H Honeycutt), who lived there. While 
 here I was again enabled to enter into the perfect enjoy 
 ment of the privilege of divine worship. During my 
 many trials and travels to and fro, the precious religion of 
 Christ had seemingly been crowded away from its rightful 
 place in my life by the overpowering rush of events, which 
 had well nigh overhwelmed me. But here in Hot Springs 
 there were two or three little churches, and they were 
 well attended. I cannot express how fully I appreciated 
 the opportunity, which was now again mine, of entering 
 a house of prayer and listening to a sermon preached by 
 an earnest and devout minister, who seemed to know just 
 what my starved heart was longing for. Surrounded 
 here by Christian friends, I felt more assured than ever 
 that the I/ord Himself had led me through all my devious 
 ways, and that His kindness was ever round about me, 
 though at times I had not realized it. The saddest part 
 of my life came when I was obliged to say farewell to 
 those who made my stay in this little town so blessed 
 to me. 
 
46 LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS 
 
 " When we asunder part, 
 
 It gives us inward pain ; 
 But we shall still be joined in heart, 
 And hope to meet again." 
 
 When my time was up at Hot Springs I joined an 
 emigrant train consisting of thirty persons, who were 
 bound for Western Texas. They were -well equipped 
 with teams and everything necessary for camp life, and I 
 was given a fine horse and saddle, and rode in front, act 
 ing as forager for the company. Our lodgings were 
 tents, and we were all well armed that we might be able 
 to repel possible attacks from savages. Every man was a 
 forester and accustomed to the woods, and we had the 
 best the forests afforded. When noon came I turned my 
 steed out to graze, while I took my lunch of wild fruits 
 upon the grass. My health was excellent, and my life 
 was like a pleasant dream, for I was well satisfied with 
 my lot, and the trip was most enjoyable. Even here, 
 however, I felt lonely and friendless at times, for I r< al- 
 ized that I was homeless, and that this journey, pleasant 
 as it was, was but a brief respite from my many cares. 
 
 The end of my trip was San Antonio, Texas, for I 
 wished to visit the then widow of my brother-in-law, 
 Thomas Buchanan ; therefore I here parted from the rest 
 of the company, who were going further West. 
 
 After staying with my widowed relative for awhile I 
 went to Galveston, thence by steamer to New Orleans ; 
 then went again to Hot Springs, and from there to Knox- 
 ville. Here I found a notice awaiting me in the Post 
 Office that, after the two years, my claim had been allowed 
 in Washington. I accepted this good news as from the 
 hand of the Lord, who is the author and giver of every 
 blessing, and was sincerely thankful, for the money was 
 very welcome at that time. 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 47 
 
 Across the Continent. 
 
 In the year 1849 I first heard o! California. I was 
 then twenty years old and staying at the home of my 
 parents. The fame of this glorious Western State for 
 wealth and fruitfulness had gone forth throughout the 
 world, and I then resolved at some time in the future to 
 make California my home. I even repeated the name, 
 which was quite new to me, in order to make it familiar 
 and keep it in my memory. That the Lord in His own 
 way directs the footsteps of all His children, will be seen 
 plainly by those who read this history, and learn how my 
 resolve was later carried out. 
 
 I read from time to time after this of the cruel attacks 
 of the Indians upon the emigrants while crossing the 
 plains, and began after awhile to think it doubtful if I 
 should ever see the State that held so great an attraction 
 for me In September, 1874, however, the Lord opened 
 the way for me to make the change, and realize the desire 
 that had for twenty-five years been planted in my heart. 
 I had at that time some money remaining from the 
 amount of my claim for the destruction of my house dur 
 ing the war, and I determined to go with my son, who 
 was then fifteen years old, to the Golden State. 
 
 By this time the overland railroad had been completed, 
 and the once perilous journey was one of comfort and 
 pleasure. But, as I looked out on the vast plains, 1 s iw 
 no human beings but the Indians, living in their wild and 
 natural state, and I felt as though I was going out of tjie 
 
4& LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 
 
 land of civilization entirely. My heart began to fail me, 
 and I wondered if I should find myself in a wild and 
 uninhabitable country at the end of my trip. My fears 
 vanished, however, as we went further on, and I saw the 
 wonderful works of nature the great mountain ranges 
 with their snow-capped peaks and rocky heights, and the 
 noble trees and beautiful valleys in the depths below. 
 Nature, through her beauty and grandeur, spoke to me 
 in a thousand tongues. 
 
 Ogden, Utah, was at that time quite a small place, but 
 its people seemed very business like and ambitious. We 
 stopped there twenty minutes for dinner, and then 
 resumed our journey on the Central Pacific Railrond, 
 arriving safely at Sacramento, the capital of California. 
 Here we went to a hotel for rest and refreshment, and for 
 the first time to take a view of a California city. We 
 remained here for a few days, then went by boat to San 
 Francisco, reaching there in the latter part of September, 
 and putting up at the American Exchange Hotel, on 
 Sansome street, where we remained for a short time. 
 
 I was delighted with San Francisco, as I have ever 
 been since. It seemed, when I at last arrived there, as 
 though a sudden light had broken upon me and I had 
 passed out from an old world into a new. The city was 
 full of life and enterprise, and its busy streets were filled 
 with people from every nation and clime. Everything 
 seemed to run smoothly and prosperously. I looked out 
 upon the Pacific Ocean and saw a picture of beauty in 
 the blue expanse, bearing upon its bosom ships from all 
 parts of the world. 
 
 It was interesting to see the old pioneers who, in the 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 49 
 
 early days, had risked their lives to come to this new 
 country and establish the civilization of the East ; but it 
 was more interesting even to hear them tell the story of 
 their journey across the plains, their dangers and their 
 hardships. 
 
 But few remain now of those grand and patriotic men 
 who planted civilization on this shore, and opened the 
 way for the thousands who were to follow them, but let 
 us never forget how much we owe to them for their bravery 
 and their indomitable will in overcoming difficulties. 
 Let their names be revered, and their memories held 
 sacred ; for, through their instrumentality, a land once 
 inhabited only by wild beasts and savages is now filled 
 with cities, and is the home of an aspiring and progres 
 sive people. As we think of these men who have now 
 passed on to their reward, after accomplishing so much, 
 let us who remain live in the assurance of the hope that 
 we shall meet them hereafter face to face. 
 
 Providence has been kind to these California people 
 and given them great wealth, with which they are truly 
 generous. When sickness, or famine, or other great mis 
 fortune has overtaken other parts of our country, or other 
 nations, they have always responded most freely to every 
 call for help; and "the stranger that is within their 
 gates," if suffering from adversity, has only to make his 
 condition known to receive help and comfort in most 
 lavish measure. 
 
 In a few years San Francisco, once a straggling vil 
 lage, has grown to be a mighty city, and her fame has 
 reached the uttermost parts of the world, while, like 
 other great cities, it is by no means free from different 
 
50 LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 
 
 forms of vice ; and among its inhabitants there are not a 
 few who have become victims of dissipation. While 
 crimes are committed here, as elsewhere, and people who 
 violate the laws of God and man die in their iniquity, yet 
 our beautiful city is a place to be ever proud of, and has 
 been mercifully sustained and preserved by the hand of a 
 kind and beneficent Providence from the time of its 
 founding on the shores of our magnificent bay. 
 
 But to return to my story : My son had been in feeble 
 health for some time before I came to this coast, and was 
 still ill when we arrived here, and I should have been in 
 great trouble had it not been for the good will manifested 
 by others. Although I was a complete stranger to the 
 people here, I was never allowed to suffer for anything. 
 My means were about exhausted, but I was readily 
 assisted in paying cur room rent and board bills, and 
 helped to employment. I was familiar with tailor work 
 before I came West, but found that I could not compete 
 with those already established, even to the extent of 
 running a repair shop ; other ways, however, were found 
 for me in which to earn a living for myself and son, and 
 I now look back gratefully upon all the proofs of Chris 
 tian charity that I received when I was here, an utter 
 strangei, and felt that I had not a friend in the world, 
 only as a kind Providence raised one up for me in time of 
 need. All these deeds of kindness I received as coming 
 from the hands of the Lord. 
 
 After staying at the American Exchange for awhile I 
 took a room in the Morton House, then kept by Mr. 
 Graham, where my son and I remained until spring, being 
 very well treated by both the proprietor and his wife. 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 51 
 
 My son still continued to be in ill health, and we were 
 advised to go to Oakland for his benefit, as it seemed im 
 possible for him to recover from his persistent chills and 
 fever here. When the time came for me to make the 
 change I had no money to pay our bills at the hotel, and 
 the generous people of the city paid everything that we 
 owed, and supplied our every need, seeing that we lacked 
 nothing. Such kindnesses are indeed ever precious 
 memories. 
 
52 LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 
 
 My Sanctification. 
 
 Soon after my arrival in San Francisco an angel 
 messenger sent of God came to speak to me, and this 
 messenger was a power in the hand of the Lord in leading 
 me to seek and accept Christ as my sanctifier and com 
 plete Saviour. It was twenty-five years between my 
 experiences of justification and sanctification, and I 
 believe that the Lord sent me to California to complete 
 the work of grace in me. It is customary with some 
 scoffers 10 call San Francisco a "Godless city," and such 
 an one said to me once, when I made this assertion : 
 "Well, you came to a queer country to be saved by 
 divine grace." 
 
 That may be true, but nevertheless " God moves in a 
 mysterious way " to save His wandering children, and I 
 never found a better place in the world to get complete 
 with Christ than is this very San Francisco. Our Saviour 
 has stooped low enough in this city to lift up thousands 
 of sinners out of the miry clay and the horrible pit and 
 bring them straight to the fold of God, therefore I think 
 that this place ought to be good enough for any one to 
 seek salvation in ; and I want to invite all who have 
 never sought or found Him to come here, for He is surely 
 with those who love Him here, as elsewhere. 
 
 About two years and a-half after my arrival in Cali 
 fornia I was sent out by the Rev. John B. Hill, of the 
 Methodist Book Depository, as Bible agent, and first went 
 to Watsonville, where I stopped at the home of the Rev. 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 53 
 
 Mr. Wickes, pastor of the Methodist Church in that 
 town. On the day after I reached Watsonville a great 
 grief came to me, for I saw in the San Francisco 4< Chron 
 icle " that my son, through a misstep, had been thrown 
 under the cars at Seventh street and Broadway, in Oak 
 land, and had been so badly injured that he survived but 
 a short time, dying July 25, 1876. 
 
 I had been very zealous for the Lord before this, and 
 had been walking in perfect love ; but now I felt that I 
 had grieved Him and that the light of His countenance 
 was withdrawn from me. Pride and vanity had come 
 into my heart, and I shut myself up in solitude and took 
 my burden to Him. This lasted two or three days, but 
 as I came to Him in prayer I received my answer through 
 an inner voice. I had made an idol of my child, and the 
 Lord said : " Will you give him up to Me ?" 
 
 When I could at last say: ''Yes, Lord, take him," 
 the burden rolled away, and the Lord healed my broken 
 heart. 
 
 One year from the date of my son's death I was united 
 in' marriage my first husband having died in Nashville, 
 Tennessee, two years after the close of the war to P. H. 
 Molineux, in San Francisco, but my married life with 
 him only lasted for nine years, as he died November 8th, 
 1886. Both of my husbands served as soldiers in the 
 Union army. 
 
54 LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 
 
 Called to Preach. 
 
 In the year 1887, a ft er passing through the experi 
 ences which I have narrated, I was called by the Holy 
 Ghost to preach the gospel of Christ. I obeyed the voice 
 and went out, as did Abraham, not knowing whither I 
 was going. The Lord, who says : "The silver is mine, 
 the gold is mine," showed me how to travel with a valise 
 instead of a trunk ; He showed me what impediments 
 such things were to me, and how, if I laid these burdens 
 aside, He would supply all my needs, both physical and 
 spiritual. I obeyed Him, and sent all my clothing, ex 
 cept a change of garments, to the poor, and thenceforth I 
 found that His promise was fulfilled, and that I lacked 
 for nothing. He showed me, moreover, how to lay all 
 my burdens down ; that I was redeemed ; and that I must 
 hereafter live a life separate from the world. I then had 
 a light heart, and was filled with a feeling of perfect rest 
 and peace, and a blessed assurance which the world can 
 neither give nor take away. 
 
 Soon after I was restored to the joy of His salvation, 
 and felt that I was called to speak in public for the L/ord, 
 I was endued with great power to this end. I had then 
 been in California twelve years, and, deciding to visit the 
 East for a change and to see my relatives, I went to my 
 sister, Mrs. Honeycutt, in Hot Springs, Arkansas. 
 
 Winter set in soon after my arrival, and the deep snow 
 and freezing weather kept me so imprisoned indoors that 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 55 
 
 I saw but few of my friends until spring, when a revival, 
 conducted by Harry May and other evangelists, opened 
 in the Methodist Church. 
 
 People came from every direction to these services, and 
 the church was rilled at every meeting. I was one of the 
 chief workers, and as, while attending these meetings and 
 working among these penitents, I was accustomed to wear 
 a light-colored duster, which I had worn on my journey, 
 I finally became known as the " White Cloak Evangelist," 
 many thinking that I came with the other evangelists. 
 
 I was at this time a living witness for Christ. I was 
 free as the water that rippled down the brook, and the 
 Lord used me in these meetings for the conversion of 
 sinners, 'and the sanctification of nominal professors. 
 Soon the mighty power of the Holy Ghost came down 
 upon the people, and, the little church being too small to 
 hold them, a tent was put up in the center of the town 
 and the services held therein. The meetings were some 
 times continued until midnight, and the shouts of triumph 
 and victory rang in my ears day and night for a month. 
 Hundreds came to the tabernacle, and multitudes of souls 
 were brought to Christ. The Holy Ghost swept along in 
 waves of glory, and we earnest ones drank freely from the 
 fountain of life. 
 
 Some rejoiced, and some did weep ; 
 While others laughed, or fell asleep. 
 
 One evening Brother Withers, the pastor of the Meth 
 odist Church, turned to the congregation and said : "I 
 am sixty years old, and I never saw anything like this 
 before." 
 
 He t^en came clown to the platform arid said to me : 
 
56 LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 
 
 ' ' You are happy all the time, are you not ?' ' 
 " Yes," 1 said, " I am happy all the time." 
 As I was one of the principal workers I always stayed 
 until the close of the service, and then would go alone 
 through the unlighted streets -to my room, which was 
 nearly a mile distant. I was filled with grace and glory, 
 and my health was so renewed that the loss of sleep did 
 not affect me. This proves that when the Lord chooses 
 one to do His work He fits and prepares that one in body, 
 as well as in soul and spirit, for His special use and 
 service. 
 
 After the close of the tabernacle meetings I one day 
 received a call from the Rev. Mr. Newell, founder and 
 pastor of the Methodist Church in South Hot Springs, 
 who has since passed away. He had seen me at the 
 meetings, and we were somewhat acquainted ; neverthe 
 less I was surprised when, after saying that it had been 
 twenty years since he had lost his companion, he asked 
 me to become his wife. He also said that he had a house 
 and lot which he would gladly give me. I, however, 
 declined both his offers, telling him that I intended return 
 ing to California soon, being in Hot Springs only on a 
 visit, and neither desired to marry nor to encumber myself 
 with property. 
 
 Soon after this I did return to California, remaining 
 thereuntil 1892. Most of the time subsequent to 1875, I, 
 while in California, canvassed for books during the day 
 and worked in gospel meetings at night, and the Lord 
 blessed me in whatever I laid my hands to. Christ sent 
 out his disciples to preach the gospel and heal the sick, 
 and He told me, as He told them, to provide neither gold 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 57 
 
 or silver, as the workman is worthy of his meat. The 
 following texts gave me assurance that my course in this 
 respect was the right one : 
 
 " L/ay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, . . . 
 for where your treasure is there will your heart be also." 
 
 " No man can serve two masters. . . Ye cannot serve 
 God and Mammon." 
 
 " Woe is unto me if I preach not the gospel. What is 
 my reward then ? Verily that when I preach the gospel 
 I may make the gospel of Christ without charge, that I 
 abuse not my power in the gospel. Not seeking my own 
 profit, but the profit of many, that they may be saved." 
 
 And again : " Buy the truth and sell it not." 
 
 Truth like a girdle let us wear, 
 And always keep it bright and fair. 
 And let it ne'er be thought or told 
 That Truth by us was ever sold. 
 
58 LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 
 
 Hot Springs Revisited. 
 
 In 1892 I was again led to visit Hot Springs. 
 Although San Francisco was more like home to me than 
 any place in the world, I left the matter of my journey in 
 the hands of Providence, believing, as ever, that He 
 would direct me aright. I felt firmly established in grace, 
 and realized that there was no power that could sweep 
 me from the Solid Rock upon which my faith now rested. 
 
 Arriving at Hot Springs I remained there some 
 months, stopping at the house of my sister, Mrs. I/anier. 
 Hot Springs is a beautiful place, lying in a valley between 
 the Ozark mountains, and I often resorted to the quiet 
 hills to enjoy the cooling breezes and experience the 
 healthful stimulus of the pure and bracing air. We need 
 the lessons that Nature in its beauty teaches ; we need to 
 visit those peaceful solitudes which soothe the fevered 
 pulses ; for nature's spirit and nature's mysteries lead the 
 thinking mind to God, who holds all things obedient 
 to His will. 
 
 One day, while -climbing up the rugged side of a rocky 
 wall, half-way to the summit, I found a large perpendicu 
 lar rock standing like a sentinel guarding a sacred place, 
 and later I took some tools up there with me, and made a 
 little shelter, or booth, by the side of this great stone. 
 The place was so quiet, and the scenery so beautiful and 
 inspiring, that I loved to go there for meditation and 
 communion with God. Here, to this mountain retreat, I 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 59 
 
 brought my Bible and other Christian literature. My 
 chair and stand were rocks ; my awning the green 
 branches of the oak trees ; and my carpet the autumn 
 leaves. When I completed my work and looked upon 
 the walls of my rustic study, I thought long and earnestly 
 of God and His mighty works, and, surveying the glori 
 ous prospect, realized as never before how small a speck 
 was I, and such as I, on the bosom of the great ocean of 
 life. 
 
 As I looked on the scene below, 
 
 And saw the sparkling waters flow, 
 
 And heard the birds' sweet melodies 
 
 Sounding so clearly 'mid the trees, 
 
 I sat me down beneath the shade 
 
 And thought of Him, who all this made. 
 
 The church-bells' distant, solemn sound, 
 Spoke of the peace by Christian found. 
 Ljke mountain streams that freely run, 
 God's grace extends from sun to sun 
 To sanctify and save the soul 
 As long as heaven's planets roll. 
 
 I had left California with some regrets, thinking that 
 perhaps I should never return ; but, as the months rolled 
 away, the longing to go back became stronger and 
 stronger, arid I felt that I had never before fully appre 
 ciated my Western home. I had many calls to hold meet 
 ings in private families, but I devoted myself mostly to 
 the care of the sick, and to ministrations to the dying. 
 Some of my patients who were brought to Christ through 
 my instrumentality passed away into glory in full triumph 
 and victory. My brother-in-law, Mr. Lanier, I found in 
 the last stage of consumption, and I assisted in taking 
 
60 IVIFKTIMK RECOLLECTIONS. 
 
 care of him up to the time of his death. He was among 
 the first settlers of Hot Springs, a Mason of high degree, 
 and a most charitable man, being of great help and com 
 fort to the poor and needy. 
 
 I now made up my mind to go out into the world as a 
 traveling evangelist. I was at this time stopping with a 
 dear friend, and, when I told her of my decision she 
 burst into tears and said : " I cannot see you start off in 
 this way, perhaps to suffer and die ! You will never re 
 turn again !" 
 
 I told her that it seemed best for me to go, but that, 
 with the help of a kind Providence, I would surely come 
 back. She said : " My doors will be open night and day 
 for you at all times ; my house is always free to you." 
 
 I realized, from the many and varied experiences that 
 I had already passed through, all the dangers and tribu 
 lations that might attend my pathway, but I knew that I 
 was in the hands of God, and if I fell in a distant land 
 in lone desert or on the mountain top, and the place of my 
 final rest was forever unmarked that it mattered nothing 
 sb ; tiiat I fell at my post. Therefore after comforting my 
 weeping friend as best I could, I took my departure. 
 
 "I never clasp a friendly hand 
 
 In greeting or farewell, 
 But thoughts of my eternal home 
 Within my bosom swell." 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 61 
 
 My Evangelistic Work. 
 
 1 decided first to go to Sulphur Springs, which is a 
 very beautiful and romantic watering place, with charm 
 ing surroundings, situated on the line of the Little Rock 
 Railroad, about three miles from Hot Springs. When I 
 arrived there I introduced myself to Mr. Woodcock, the 
 proprietor of the hotel, who remembered me well, having 
 seen me at the revival meetings at Hot Springs, and he 
 received me with much courtesy. 1 told him that I was 
 about to take up the work of preaching the gospel, and 
 inquired where the church was. He said that they were 
 building a new one some distance from the hotel, but con 
 tinued : ' ' We have a parlor upstairs that you can have to 
 hold your meetings in." 
 
 Being given this opportunity I concluded, notwith 
 standing my great need of rest, to begin my work at once, 
 and I accepted his kind offer with thanks. Notice was 
 given out immediately, and at eight o'clock I was taken 
 to the parlor, which was a large room, beautifully fur 
 nished and well-lighted by chandeliers. It was soon filled 
 with both men and women, quite a number of them being 
 strangers from different parts of the Union who were 
 temporarily stopping at the Springs. I stood at a table 
 under one of the chandeliers, and read from Revelations 
 xxii, and we sang together from the hymn book, "Joy 
 and Gladness." At the close of the meeting I was con 
 gratulated by many, who told me of the benefit which they 
 
62 LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 
 
 had received from the services, and one lady voluntarily 
 took up a collection and brought it to me, saying simply : 
 " We thought we would make you a little purse." 
 
 I went back to Hot Springs a little later, holding 
 meetings there in private houses. There was a great deal 
 of wickedness in that city at the time, and the judgment 
 of God, who is the rebuker of sin, fell upon it, and there 
 was much distress there on account of drought and epi 
 demics for nearly two years. There was sickness, suffer 
 ing, loss of life, and untold grief and sorrow to such a 
 degree that the place after a time became almost deserted. 
 
 The Bible says: "Woe unto the world because of 
 offenses. For it must needs be that offenses come, but 
 woe to that man by whom the offense cometh. For the 
 Son of Man is come to save that which is lost." 
 
 I mention these unpleasing things to show that God 
 fulfils His word, and because the world should know 
 what Satan can do and what he has done. The evil should 
 be known as well as the good, that it may be a warning 
 to all. 
 
 In the middle of the summer of 1894 I l e ft Hot Springs 
 for San Francisco, holding meetings on the way in Dallas, 
 Texas, and other towns. I held meetings in prisons, 
 missions, and with the Salvation Army, returning to San 
 Francisco over the Atchison, Topeka & Santa Fe Rail 
 road, and staying in that city a few weeks, starting out 
 again on September 9th, 1894, to engage in gospel work 
 in the western districts. I held meetings on this trip in 
 court houses, school houses," concert halls, prisons, mis 
 sions, and on the public streets, sometimes conducting the 
 services entirely alone, and sometimes having the help of 
 other evangelists. 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 63 
 
 The first meeting that I held indoors was at Carson 
 City, Nevada, where the meeting was advertised as 
 follows : 
 
 " Mrs. Emily Molineaux, of San Francisco, the trav 
 eling evangelist, will deliver a gospel lecture this evening 
 at 7:30 o'clock in the District Court-room. The lecture 
 is not sectarian, but is an earnest Christian talk. Mrs. 
 Molineaux is a widow, entirely alone in the world, and 
 devotes her time to the dispensation of the gospel." 
 
 At 7 130 I was met by one of the officials and conducted 
 to the hall, where he asked me to occupy the judge's 
 seat, but i said that the floor would do just as well for me. 
 A gentleman connected with the Carson City "News" 
 introduced me to the audience, and I told, them about 
 Jesus, speaking as the spirit gave me utterance, for He 
 says : ' ' Open your mouth and I will fill it. " "It is not ye 
 that speak, but the Spirit of your Father that speaketh 
 in you." He is the word in the mouth, as well as the 
 word in the heart, and when the word came to me life 
 came through the spirit of the word, and that life was 
 Christ. We concluded the meeting by singing : 
 
 " God be with you till we meet again, 
 By His counsel guide, uphold you, 
 With His sheep securely fold you ; 
 God be with you till we meet again." 
 
 And after the close of the services we exchanged the 
 right hand of friendship, of fellowship, and fraternal love. 
 
 I also held an indoors meeting in Terrace, Nevada. 
 This was in the pleasant month of September, when it 
 was just beginning to turn cold. When I arrived in this 
 town I found that the people seemed deeply interested in 
 
64 LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 
 
 me and my work, and were glad to learn that I was trav 
 eling for the dispensation of the gospel of Christ out there 
 in the wilderness. I was directed to call on the teacher 
 in the school house and I did so, announcing to him my 
 calling. So free and open was the Christian friendship 
 that he extended to me, with all the courtesy and refine 
 ment of a true gentleman, that I felt really at home in 
 this strange place at once. This gentleman said that I 
 could have the school house for my meeting that evening, 
 and that he would publish the fact by sending one of the 
 boys around to ring a bell from house to house. 
 
 When I arrived at the school / house that night the 
 teacher's room had been nicely warmed up for me, and I 
 had a good audience. I was suffering from a cold, and 
 my voice was nearly gone, so I requested some one to 
 lead the singing, and soon had a complete choir organized. 
 I did the best I could, under the circumstances, and 
 pointed my hearers to the Lamb of God that taketh away 
 the sins of the world. I was most happily surprised to 
 find so many hospitable Christian people in this little 
 town, who treated me as if I had been born among them. 
 
 After this I held meetings in every prominent town as 
 I journeyed eastward, and even out in the deserts, where 
 they could not get a regular preacher. My work was not 
 without opposition and difficulties, but if I had not met 
 with these my experience would not have been in the 
 apostolic order, nor in accordance with the word of God. 
 Though I felt sometimes as did the Jews when they were 
 in exile by the rivers of Babylon, and said : "There we 
 sat down; yea, we wept ;" and it seemed now and then 
 as if my little bark had. drifted upon some lone island 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 65 
 
 where I should be left to die. I kept strong in my faith 
 and courage, remembering that the word says : ' ' Before 
 all these things they shall lay their hands on you and 
 persecute you, delivering you up to prisons ; and ye shall 
 be betrayed both by parents and brethren and kinfolks ; 
 and ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake. 
 And every one that has forsaken houses, or brethren, or 
 sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, 
 for my name's sake shall receive an hundred fold, and 
 shall inherit everlasting life." 
 
 And Jesus said unto him, " Foxes have holes and the 
 birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man hath 
 not where to lay His head." 
 
 Notwithstanding many trials and hardships, I received 
 many kindnesses from the officials and authorities 
 wherever I held my meetings, and shall always feel that 
 this more than compensated for the difficulties which I 
 was forced to overcome. As I think of the many good 
 and generous people whom I met during my travels, I feel 
 like saying : 
 
 " Blest be the tie that binds 
 
 Our hearts in Christian love, 
 The fellowship of kindred minds 
 Is like to that above." 
 
66 LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 
 
 In Denver, Colorado. 
 
 When I arrived at this place I was given the address 
 of Mrs. Moore, matron of the Hay Market Haven, at No. 
 1148 Broadway. This was a home occupied by mission 
 aries, and devoted to special evangelistic work, and I was 
 cordially welcomed to it by Mrs. A. C. Peck, its President. 
 By this time it was cold weather and snow had begun to 
 fall, but I attended outside meetings, as well as taking 
 part in the Christian work of the Home. My main 
 teaching was Christian perfection and true holiness to the 
 Lord, and I had many calls to deliver my message to 
 interested persons. Various opinions were formed of 
 me in regard to my religious views, many being afraid 
 of my kind of teaching, but the people in general were 
 always glad to listen to me. 
 
 The first night when I was called to the platform by 
 Mr. Peck, preacher in charge, I felt as free as a bird of the 
 air. The people had read the notice outside announcing 
 that I was to speak, and the large hall was well filled, the 
 larger class being holiness and free people, who were 
 specially interested in hearing what I had to say. I 
 expounded the Word, quoting different Bible passages, 
 and drawing a straight line between sanctification and 
 justification. It all came as spontaneously to me as the 
 air we breathe, for there is no interpreter of the divine 
 Word like the Holy Ghost dwelling in the heart. I spake 
 as the words were placed in my mouth, the Spirit giving 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 67 
 
 me power to utter the truth as it is in Christ Jesus, 
 according to II Samuel xxiii : 2, " The spirit of the Lord 
 spake by me, and His word was in my tongue." I 
 showed what sanctification is, and what is required in 
 order to obtain it, and when I came down from the plat 
 form the people thronged around me with friendly greet 
 ings, many giving me their addresses, and asking me to 
 hold meetings in their dwellings. 
 
 In the spring the Home had to be given up, and the 
 place was turned into an industrial school. I had lived 
 there then for five months, spending many happy days 
 with its inmates, and finding it truly a haven of rest ; but, 
 sincerely as my heart went out in love for the matron and 
 her daughter, who was a model of grace and purity and 
 much as I had enjoyed the companionship of the other 
 inmates we were all obliged to part, as. the missionaries, 
 as well as the aged who had found shelter beneath its 
 roof, were compelled to find shelter and fields of labor 
 elsewhere. 
 
 The last morning at the Home we were all called 
 early for our parting worship, and we gave each other 
 verses of Scripture as love tokens. One of Mrs. Moore's 
 daughters had her own home in Denver, but the other 
 went with her mother, and I wanted much to accompany 
 them, for I loved them dearly, and they were willing to 
 take me, but this was not to be, as I was called in a differ 
 ent direction. I addressed the following farewell letter to 
 Mrs. Moore : 
 
 ' ' As you are now taking your leave of Denver, the 
 Queen City of the plains, to go to Toronto, Canada, my 
 spirit goes out to you in these parting words, prompted 
 by the farewell of mother and daughter : 
 
68 LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 
 
 " And Ruth said : ' Entreat me not to leave thee or 
 to return from following after thee ; for whither thou goest 
 I will go ; and where thou lodgest I will lodge ; thy people 
 shall be my people and thy God my God. Where thou 
 diest, will I die, and there will I be buried : the L,ord do 
 so to me, and more also, if aught but death part thee 
 and me.' " Ruth i : 16-17. 
 
 Mrs. Moore wrote for me the following message : 
 " Our Father's promise to dear Sister Molineaux, Denver, 
 May 1 6, 1895 : 'Thou shalt come to thy grave in a full 
 age, as a shock of corncometh in his season.' Jobv: 2-6. 
 
 CARRIE MOORE." 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 69 
 
 In Kansas City and Elsewhere. 
 
 Having been sent for to go to Kansas City, to help in 
 the gospel work there, I accepted the call. The Humboldt 
 river had overflowed its banks and was almost impassable 
 by rail, but we finally got across it without harm, and 
 when I reached the city I was directed to the Young 
 Women's Christian Association, where I introduced myself 
 to the matron, and told her my calling. I was given a 
 very neat and comfortable room here, and found that 
 there were about eighty young women in the house, 
 besides a few middle-aged ladies, and that everything 
 about the establishment was in excellent order and well 
 kept. 
 
 I remained over a month in this institution, working 
 in different parts of the city, attending a good many meet 
 ings in a room in the Hansen block, which was formerly 
 occupied as a gambling place, meeting in midnight rescue 
 work, and also taking part in meetings in the prisons, as 
 well as those held in tents and on the streets. 
 
 In this city there was a converted policeman whom 
 we found a good counselor, both in temporal and spiritual 
 matters, and we were very glad to have on the beat an 
 officer representing Christ. He attended our meetings, 
 and we were always pleased to have him with us. May 
 God bless him, and send many Christian policemen to 
 work in His vineyard, is my prayer. 
 
 The young women who lived at the Association wanted 
 
yo LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 
 
 to hear me speak ; but, as there was no room in the Han- 
 sen block large enough to hold such a number as wished 
 to come to this meeting, I was advised to apply to Dr. 
 Mitchell, the preacher in charge of the M. E. Church, and 
 ask him for the use of a room in that building. When I 
 called at his study and preferred my request, he asked : 
 
 " To what church do you belong?" 
 
 " To the Methodist Church," I answered. 
 
 "And you are preaching ?" 
 
 "Yes." 
 
 " Who sent you ? That is against our discipline." 
 
 " God sent me." 
 
 " We don't send women to preach ; we send them out 
 to lecture," he then said. 
 
 And I answered : ' ' There are a great many out in the 
 field." 
 
 He said, " I have calls of this kind regularly; if I 
 should admit all that call, I would have to give up my 
 pulpit." 
 
 I said, "A back room will do for me." 
 
 He said, " I cannot let you have a room, for if I gave 
 up to one I w.ould have to give up to all." 
 
 My errand to this minister proved fruitless, for, as I 
 have said, he would not allow me to have even the use of 
 a back room, declaring that he had calls of the kind so 
 frequently that if he should accede to all he would have 
 to give up his very pulpit, and that he could not make 
 an exception on my behalf, since that would make a 
 precedent that he would be obliged to follow with others ; 
 so I was forced to give up the idea of the special meeting. 
 
 Was there any Christian charity in such a refusal to 
 allow me to give a talk to the young girls of Kansas 
 City, Kansas ? I do not wish to judge this man, or any 
 one else. May God bless him and save his soul, is my 
 prayer. 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 
 
 My Return to San Francisco. 
 
 I held meetings in several places in Missouri besides 
 Kansas City, but while in this place I definitely made up 
 my mind to again return to my loved San Francisco, 
 though it took me three months from that time to reach 
 there. I first went to Denver, Colorado, remaining for a 
 short time in the Old Ladies' Home there, which was run 
 by a Mrs. Gordon, who, with the other residents of the 
 house, made me very welcome. I secured a ticket from 
 the General Superintendent of the railroad, which would 
 take me as far as Ogden, refusing the offer of my friends 
 at the Home to arrange for my fare through to California, 
 as I was sure that I could manage that myself from that 
 place. When I arrived in Ogden, however, I found that 
 the railroad had made some new rules, and I was refused 
 a ticket for the remainder of the way because I was not 
 endorsed by the general Bishop ; and, not being a free 
 holder, I was detained in that city for over a month, 
 during which time I took a position in the Lincoln House, 
 where I received excellent treatment from Mrs. Wright, 
 my employer. 
 
 In order to proceed westward I later sold everything 
 of which I was possessed, except one change of garments, 
 and the amount received from this sale, together with 
 what I had earned, made sufficient to carry me to San 
 Francisco. Before I reached that place, however, I 
 certainly realized something of the feelings of the man 
 
72 LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 
 
 who went down from Jerusalem to Jericho and fell among 
 thieves ; and I learned also the true worth of the Good 
 Samaritan. 
 
 Stopping at Battle Mountain, Nevada, I went to the 
 hotel, and, meeting the lady in charge, asked her if I 
 could get a place in which to hold a meeting that night. 
 She happily surprised me by saying : ' ' You are at home 
 here, for we are Californians. You shall have a place to 
 preach, and money shall be raised for you." She then 
 took me with her into the dining hall and sat down with 
 me at a table spread with everything that heart could 
 wish. After dinner she showed me to a room, and told 
 me that I was free to make myself at home there, but at 
 the same time she advised me to visit a house near by, 
 saying : " Go over there and see the missionary of this 
 place ; then you can come back here, or stay over there, 
 just as you choose." 
 
 I went over and introduced myself to the missionary, 
 asking her to assist me in securing a room where I could 
 hold a meeting that night. She took me into a neat little 
 apartment, and asked me to lay off my things, saying : 
 " Don't you feel very tired?" 
 
 I answered that I had not slept much the night before, 
 but that I must see about my meeting. She then said : 
 14 May I see you in bed first and then attend to that?" 
 And she was so kind that I could not refuse. As soon as 
 I touched that bed I fell sound asleep, and nothing dis 
 turbed my rest ; I never even dreamed of my meeting. 
 
 As I had the privilege of eating there, or at the hotel, 
 I took my breakfast with the missionary, who urged me 
 to stay in the house and rest while she looked about for 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 73 
 
 me, and she returned soon, saying : " I have got you a 
 ticket to San Francisco." This filled my heart with 
 gladness, and I felt fully relieved at once. The good 
 woman told me that the train I was to go on would soon 
 be in, and when it arrived I parted with these new, yet 
 well-loved friends, who cheered me on my way with the 
 hope that we should meet again. 
 
 After the severe trials that I had passed through, I 
 fairly wept with joy when I again set foot upon California 
 soil, which was May 22, 1896. 
 
74 lyiFETiME RECOLLECTIONS. 
 
 The Old Home Revisited by My Sister. 
 
 The following is an extract from a letter written by 
 my sister, Mrs. A. H. Lanier, after her return from a 
 visit to Green County, Tennessee, where she went to take 
 a farewell view of the old farm, and the scenes of our 
 early childhood. She says : 
 
 ' ' I introduced myself as the grand-daughter of John 
 McKeehan, and the oldest living child of the third gener 
 ation. I rode up to the spot which is the resting place of 
 my grandfather and grandmother that sacred soil ! and 
 I paid a last tribute of love to this beautiful spot, where 
 the snowballs and roses in full bloom shade the graves of 
 these two. So long ago it all was, and yet, as I stand 
 here and listen to the birds as they sing over these tombs, 
 there conies back to me the early morning of my child 
 hood when all was joy and hope, and 1 look back over 
 the lapse of fifty years to the time when these flowers and 
 trees were first planted, and realize that many of those 
 whom I then knew have passed away like the leaves of 
 autumn. 
 
 ' ' I rode to the spot where my grandfather lived, and 
 there was nothing remaining excepting the pile of lime 
 stone rocks that had once been the chimney. I found a 
 piece of the pottery that mother cooked in when I was a 
 g.irl, and brought it home with me ; also a piece of rock 
 out of the chimney. Some of the same old trees are 
 there, and still bearing fruit. I next visited Tusculum 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 75 
 
 College, situated about four and a-half miles southeast of 
 Greenville, East Tennessee. This is the place where my 
 father received his education, and is the first college 
 established in East Tennessee. It is as pretty a place as 
 I ever saw, and I brought away some slips of the flower 
 ing plants that grew in the college grounds. 
 
 ' ' The next place I visited was the tailor shop of 
 Andrew Johnson, where he worked when I was only ten 
 years old. I recollected the place. He used to give us 
 pieces of tailor scraps to make dolls. Then I saw Mrs. 
 Patterson, a daughter of Andrew Johnson. She wrote 
 me a note and sent me a piece of the tailor's bench on 
 which her father worked, and invited me to come and see 
 her, which I did. She embraced me in her arms, and 
 kissed me in token of love to her father. 
 
 " I found one McKeehan in Greenville, of the fourth 
 generation. I was taken around many places among the 
 old settlers. Almost all the old families have passed 
 away, but the old farm is kept up, and a fine brick man 
 sion now stands where the old house stood. A. H. L." 
 
76 LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 
 
 PART II. 
 
 My Christian Experiences. 
 
 Religious experience is like taking a journey. We 
 are sojourners here on earth. We have no abiding home. 
 We are pilgrims and strangers, having no continuing city 
 here, but seeking one to come. 
 
 With the assistance of my Divine Guide, I will endeavor 
 to show the reader that our Saviour is a complete Saviour, 
 and will also try to present the royal way to the attain 
 ment of His complete salvation. 
 
 There are three experiences which must be attained 
 before we can be complete in Christ. These are : Justifi 
 cation, Sanctification, and Redemption. And, helped by 
 my Heavenly Leader, Jesus, I will make plain the differ 
 ence between these states, through which we must all 
 pass before we can come into our promised Eden of inex 
 pressible bliss and perfect rest. 
 
 THE FIRST EXPERIENCE. 
 
 The first experience we come into, as Christians, is 
 the new birth. Jesus said to Nicodemus : "Ye must be 
 born again. Verily, verily, I say unto thee : Except a 
 man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter 
 into the kingdom of God." 
 
 Heaven begins on earth. It begins in the heart. 
 When we are complete in Christ, we are in heaven. 
 " The kingdom of God is within you." 
 
 We come into the school of Christ as pupils, and must 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 77 
 
 take him alone as our teacher, excluding all others, for 
 Jesus says : " L/earn of Me." Under this Divine Instruc 
 tor we pass through three grades before our religious 
 education is complete ; and, when we reach the third 
 grade, we are risen with Christ, and walk in newness of 
 life, perfect in Him. 
 
 In going through this school, though still in the world, 
 .we are separated from it, and are not of it. Many have 
 sought heaven under ecclesiastical authority by their own 
 good works, not discerning between the substance and 
 the shadow, between the letter and the spirit. 
 
 Christ being Himself the eternal life, and appointed 
 by the living God to give this life to all who are His, 
 when you are one. with Him you need take no thought 
 for your earthly life, for all needful things will then be 
 supplied. 
 
 " Consider the lilies of the field," how spontaneously 
 they grow ; how, without weaving, their leaves are 
 formed; and how, without toil, the complex tissues of 
 their beautiful petals are made perfect, until, as Jesus 
 says: "Solomon, in all his glory, was not arrayed like 
 one of these." To grow is to be free from care. ' ' There 
 fore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life. * * * 
 Behold the fowls of the air. ' ' 
 
 "The birds without barn or storehouse are fed, 
 From them let us learn to trust for our bread." 
 
 All three of these grades must necessarily be reached 
 and passed ; for it is a positive violation of the rules of 
 even earthly schools for a student to leave any of them 
 before his graduation. I knew a young man who did 
 this, and his father, who was a millionaire, disinherited 
 
78 LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 
 
 him for his disobedience ; and the law of God is certainly 
 as strict as that of man. If we turn away from Christ, 
 who is our teacher and guide, and trust to our own self- 
 righteousness, is there not danger that our Heavenly 
 Father will disinherit us, and that we will fail of eternal 
 life ? I owe all to the Lord, that I was not cut off in my 
 sins, and numbered with the lost. I speak of this as a 
 warning to the reader. Let us come to Christ at once, 
 and receive our inheritance, which is a free gift. "And 
 the Spirit and the Bride say, Come. * * * And 
 whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely." 
 Jesus has purchased our inheritance for us, and we come 
 into possession of it through obedience. 
 
 The destruction of sin is the underlying principle of 
 all the lessons which we are taught in the Divine School 
 of Christ ; for this world would be heaven now, if all 
 sin were removed ; since, were it not for sin, we would all 
 be to-day praising and glorifying our Maker, and sorrow 
 and suffering would be no more with us. Sin, with the 
 old flesh-nature, cherished in the bosom of our people, is 
 the ruin of our world, and has wrapped it in a mantle of 
 darkness that hangs over it like a pall. Let those who are 
 interested in the salvation of the souls of men meditate 
 on this fact profoundly. " Make the tree good and the 
 fruit will be good." Our inner nature must be cleansed 
 and purified. The vile must be separated from the pure, 
 just as the dross is separated from the gold. " A corrupt 
 treebringeth forth evil fruit." There must, therefore, be 
 an inward crucifixion of the natural life, the old man. 
 We must die to self, and when we pass through this 
 crucifixion, we die with Christ and rise with him, to find 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 79 
 
 the last enemy destroyed. " Because the carnal mind 
 [the unregenerate nature] is enmity against God : for it is 
 not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be.' 
 So .we are to be "crucified with Him, that the body of sin 
 might be destroyed, that henceforth we should not serve 
 sin." Let us be deeply convinced of the great contrast 
 between sin and righteousness, evil and good. Let us 
 earnestly seek to find where we stand to-day, as a people, 
 and what the religion of our Lord and Saviour Jesus 
 Christ really is. 
 
 If you were lost on a lonely desert and I should meet 
 you and tell you that I knew the road that led to the city 
 of which you were in search, and should offer to act as 
 your guide, you would certainly most gladly accept of my 
 services. Will you not now ? Every one who is away 
 from God is lost in a wilderness of sin, and needs some 
 friend to lead him out God can lead us out of our diffi 
 culties and dangers, and he chooses human instruments 
 to co-operate with Him in this work. I propose, by 
 God's help, to lead you out of your lost condition the 
 desert's dreary waste to the city of God : to show you 
 the King's highway that was cast up for the ransomed of 
 the Lord to walk in, and I shall be very happy if you will 
 avail yourself of my offer, which is made in all kindness 
 and sincerity. 
 
 God is holy and God is love. His word says that we 
 are to be holy as He is holy, and love one another as He 
 has loved us. The Word says again that we shall all be 
 taught of the Lord, and I thankfully accept this, as I am 
 taught alone of Him. I write only what I know to be 
 the truth, and what I found by going down deep into the 
 
8o LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 
 
 mine of divine knowledge in company with the Lord. 
 The deeper I went into that heavenly mine the richer I 
 found it, and so shall we all. 
 
 The reader may now say, "I can do without this 
 religion of which you speak." Certainly you can. If 
 you were heir to a million dollars you might refuse to 
 take it, and remain poor, and suffer in consequence. You 
 eould do as you might choose about it. But, it would be 
 my duty to apprise you of your heirship, if I knew of it, 
 and you were ignorant of the matter ; and this I propose 
 to do. 
 
 My attention was once attracted to a train of ants 
 traveling. I stopped and watched them. There were 
 two roads: one lay in the safe highway and the other 
 led to a burning pit, where rubbish was being destroyed. 
 As I beheld this multitude of living creatures seeking a 
 refuge, where they might rest from their wearisome jour 
 ney, it was a wonderful sight to see the more thoughtful 
 of them, after a pause, turn at this cross-road into the safe 
 path, while hundreds of others went obstinately forward 
 into the path that led down into the burning pit. 
 
 As I looked upon these insects the doomed and the 
 saved I thought : This is a fair picture of the human 
 race, in this life. How many people start out in the 
 world and never stop to think of the pitfalls and snares in 
 the path before them. They do not know, nor care, 
 whether they are on the right or the wrong road, and 
 allow themselves to drop over into eternity, without God 
 or hope, and are numbered with the lost. 
 
 Will you not, dear reader, take a lesson from the 
 thoughtful ants, and, as they turned into the safe high- 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 81 
 
 way, turn into the highway of life, and take the path 
 that will lead you to eternal happiness and lasting peace. 
 
 The first experience, of which we are speaking, is 
 Justification forgiveness for past sins and the removal of 
 their guilt from the soul. We must be justified before we 
 can be Christians, and this means that we must die to our 
 own merits, as well as to our sins, and be born of the 
 Spirit. Thus Regeneration is the accompaniment of 
 Justification. The old nature, however, is only subdued 
 in Justification : not destroyed, but kept under. It still 
 sleeps in the bosom, and, when the soul is disturbed or 
 crossed, it will show itself. 
 
 When I entered into this first experience, I believed 
 that I was fully saved, complete in Christ, and that I 
 would never be tempted to sin again ; but the enemy 
 came that same evening and tempted me. I felt the 
 moving of the old nature, and Satan said : "You are 
 deceived ; you are not saved." At the same time I knew 
 my sins were all forgiven, and did not doubt my Saviour. 
 So I found that this was merely a temptation of the 
 enemy the evil spirit to draw me away from the Lord. 
 It was some time before I learned about this ; then it 
 came to me that I still had within me the fleshly nature, 
 which must be put away by the power of God working 
 in us 
 
 And now the question may be asked : When should 
 we seek Justification ? The answer is given in God's 
 Word : " Behold, now is the accepted time ; behold, now 
 is the day of salvation." Again, when should we seek 
 Sanctification ? Just as soon as we are born of the Spirit 
 and have all our sins pardoned. Do not put this off, for 
 God commands us to be holy now. 
 
82 LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 
 
 THE SECOND EXPERIENCE. 
 
 Sanctification is the next experience, or grade. This 
 act of God utterly destroys the old Adamic nature the 
 body of sin possessing which we cannot enter fully into 
 the rest of faith. The necessity for the destruction of the 
 unregenerate nature is given in Gal. v: 17, where we 
 read, " For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the 
 Spirit against the flesh : and these are contrary, the one 
 to the other ; so that ye cannot do the things that ye 
 would." Or, as it might read, " are hindered from 
 doing," etc. I once thought that this was to keep us on 
 our watch against the assaults of the enemy. I supposed 
 that the carnal nature must remain with us to keep us 
 right, and make us fear Satan. But I found, by consult 
 ing God's Word, that this was a great mistake. We 
 cannot enter into the full enjoyment of fellowship with 
 God until the old man is crucified, and we are entirely 
 saved from sin, and the tendency to sin. Our inner nature 
 must be cleansed and purified. The pure must be sepa 
 rated from the vile, as the gold is from the dross. ' ' Either 
 make the tree good, and his fruit good ; or else make the 
 tree corrupt, and his fruit corrupt : for the tree is known 
 by his fruit." You have been saved by justification from 
 the guilt and penalty of sin, and now sanctification is 
 performed, to save you from its presence and power and 
 bondage. This is the inner work, the cleansing and 
 purifying of the heart, which completely destroys the old 
 carnal nature. You must now concentrate yourself, your 
 life and your all, in the full assurance of faith on God's 
 altar, and believe not only that He is able and willing to 
 sanctify you, but that He does do it. " He that findeth 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 83 
 
 his life shall lose it ; and he that loseth his life for My 
 sake shall find it." 
 
 Christ on the cross purchased the deliverance of all 
 mankind from the Adauiic curse. His mission was to 
 save His people from their sins. "For if by one man's 
 offense death reigned by one ; much more they which re 
 ceive abundance of grace, and of the gift of righteousness, 
 shall reign in life by one, Jesus Christ." Rom. v : 17. 
 
 I found myself lost and ruined by the fall, under the 
 yoke of bondage. I was revealed to myself, and found 
 that I needed God. " As the hart panteth after the 
 water brooks so panteth my soul after Thee, O God." 
 This hunger for the bread of life and thirst for the water 
 of life was intense, but was fully satisfied in finding 
 Christ, my Lord and my God. When I came into posses 
 sion of this divine treasure I became separated from the 
 world, and its vain joys no longer pleased me. I yielded 
 myself to Christ, with all my earthly possessions ; a door 
 of hope opened, and I heard the gentle voice of Jesus say : 
 "Come, enter into eternal life, through me." When I 
 gave myself fully to Christ, oh, what a joy came to my 
 soul ! I knew I was redeemed. There was a perfect 
 calm within a delightful foretaste of heaven. Here was 
 perfect peace and perfect rest. 
 
 And this is for you, dear reader. When you are 
 Christ's and fully saved from sin you come into posses 
 sion of eternal life, and God supplies your every need. 
 He keeps you from evil, for you* are His son. You have 
 the promise of the life that now is and of that which is to 
 come. You are to put off your own righteousness, and 
 be clothed with the robe of Christ's righteousness. You 
 
84 LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS 
 
 are heaven-born and heaven-bound, a son, a daughter of 
 the King, with the riches and the glory of the kingdom 
 as your portion forever. 
 
 Oh, then, seek this grace at once ! It can be obtained 
 now, for this is God's time. You need not be ten, twenty, 
 or forty years coming to its enjoyment. Do not forfeit 
 the birthright of all God's children. Thousands for 
 whom Christ died may have done this, but do not you net 
 so unwisely. 
 
 Some, on experiencing Justification and Regeneration, 
 endeavor to obtain Sanctification by their own good works. 
 But you cannot attain it by works or by growing into it. 
 We ' ' grow in grace, ' ' but do not grow into grace. We 
 must remember that grace does not itself grow in nature's 
 barren soil. Before grace can flourish within us, it must 
 be planted in the heavenly soil of holiness a holy heart 
 and must have the sun of righteousness shine upon it, 
 and the divine showers of heaven to water it. No good 
 can come from an impure heart. 
 
 I knew a family that had a number of fruit trees. 
 Among them was a peach tree that was a favorite because 
 it was of the choicest quality, and its fruit was, at first, 
 most delicious. After awhile, however, the peaches which 
 it bore became strong, bitter and disagreeable to the taste, 
 so that no one could eat them, What was the matter 
 with the tree ? Insects, or worms, had made inroads into 
 the trunk and branches, and the whole tree had become 
 spoiled. Everything possible was done to the outside of 
 the afflicted tree to preserve its life, but its heart was 
 decayed and unclean, and so it withered and died. So 
 with the heart of man ; if it be not as it should be, like 
 that tree the man will perish. 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 85 
 
 Another important fact to remember is, that this grace 
 which is yours prepares you for the rest that remains for 
 the people of God, and, in coming into it, you cannot 
 take one thing with you. If the question is asked, "Do 
 I have to part with all I have in order to come .into this 
 kingdom?" the answer must be : "You must be willing 
 to abandon all for Christ." This is a great stumbling 
 block in the path of many a would-be-perfect Christian, 
 but it should not be. Is not heaven worth more to you 
 than your earthly possessions, though they be lands, 
 houses, gold, silver, rubies, diamonds, or your nearest 
 and dearest friends ? Would you not be willing to ex 
 change them all for heaven ? The Lord is seeking you, 
 and not your worldly goods. It is you He calls for. 
 This is an individual act between you and the Lord, and, 
 if you are in earnest, your riches will be to you no more 
 than so much chaff, even though you be a millionaire. 
 You should gladly divest yourself of all you have and 
 prize, and yield yourself into His hands, for you do not 
 lose anything, but gain immensely. ' ' For what is a man 
 profited if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own 
 soul?" " And whosoever will lose his life for My sake 
 shall find it." 
 
 "But," says the reader, "you draw a very straight 
 line in this matter of religion, and I feel I cannot walk by 
 it. I cannot be so holy." 
 
 My friend, it is easier to live a holy life than to live a 
 sinful one ; for when you are Christ's, and fully saved, 
 you become an heir to eternal life, and God will keep you 
 from all evil, and supply your every need. 
 
 Then reflect on these solemn truths. We are pilgrims 
 
86 LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS 
 
 and sojourners here on earth as all our fathers were. Our 
 days are but as a shadow, since our allotted time is but 
 three score years and ten. We should realize how fleeting 
 and transitory are all the joys which this world can give. 
 " As for man his days are as grass ; as a flower of the 
 field so he flourisheth : for the wind passeth over it, and 
 it is gone ; and the place thereof shall know it no more." 
 
 Dear one, your wealth and fame are perhaps great 
 among men, here on earth, but should you appear before 
 God without the wedding garment all your riches would 
 not help you, for you would be speechless and ashamed 
 before Him. 
 
 Oh, what a sad fate : to be driven away from the 
 presence of Christ and to find one's self in the outer dark 
 ness, or in the lake of fire, with the Beast and the False 
 Prophet ! Will you go on still in your sins and neglect 
 the salvation of your soul? Oh, come, dear soul ; let me 
 persuade you to give your heart to the Lord, who has 
 purchased your pardon on the cross, and invites you to 
 come to Him and be saved freely and fully. 
 
 " And the Spirit and the Bride say : Come. And let 
 him that heareth say : Come. And let him that is athirst 
 come. And whosoever will, let him take the water of life 
 freely." 
 
 THE THIRD EXPERIENCE. 
 
 The third experience through which the Christian 
 passes, we may call complete Redemption. The Apostle 
 Paul says : ' ' Christ is made unto us wisdom and right 
 eousness [or justification], sanctification and redemption." 
 I Cor. i : 20. Christ is made unto us wisdom, when, 
 through the Scriptures which testify of Him, we are 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 87 
 
 made, like Timothy, "wise unto salvation, through faith 
 which is in Christ Jesus." II Tim., iii : 15. We are 
 also justified through faith in Him and become partakers 
 of His Righteousness. Through His blood we are 
 cleansed from all sin, and so sanctified unto God. Then, 
 through the Redemption which is in Christ Jesus, we are 
 brought into full sympathy with Him, being crucified 
 with Christ and raised with Him to walk in newness of 
 life. The Apostle says : "I am crucified with Christ : 
 nevertheless I live ; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me." 
 Again : "Ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ 
 in God." Some make Redemption to apply to the 
 redemption of the body from the grave, and the future 
 life, but the author thinks that it may apply to this life 
 and be an experience in it. 
 
 My feelings when passing through this third experi 
 ence that of Redemption were indescribable. To give 
 you something of an idea of them, I will ask you to 
 picture to yourself a criminal waiting for a judge to pass 
 sentence upon him a criminal weighed down by the 
 knowledge of his guilt, and the certainty of direct punish 
 ment. Now picture again that criminal's emotions, should 
 some one come in suddenly and say : ' ' Stop ! I have paid 
 the penalty of this man's crime ; I have given my life in 
 place of his." 
 
 Christ has done this for us, and his love overrules 
 justice, and redeems us poor sinners fully from the death 
 sentence of the divine law. Can anything surpass this 
 love ? When a man lays down his life for his friend we 
 stand amazed at his devotion. How much more then 
 should we be astonished when we know that Christ laid 
 
88 LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 
 
 down His life freely for us who are so vile and so unde 
 serving ; and how ungrateful we are when we prefer the 
 pleasures of this transitory world to the precious treasures 
 of His divine love. 
 
 What does Redemption do for man ? 
 
 It brings him back to where he was before the fall, and 
 places him on much higher ground. God created man in 
 His own image, and put him in the Garden of Eden to 
 dress it and to keep it. Man was innocent and pure as 
 he came from the hand of his Maker, but he disobeyed 
 God and ate of the forbidden fruit, and so lost commun 
 ion with the Lord. God sent him forth from the Garden, 
 and he was debarred from the tree of life, and from all the 
 other blessings of that first state of perfection, through 
 his wilful disobedience. " Wherefore, as by one man sin 
 entered into the world, and death by sin ; so death passed 
 upon all men, for that all have sinned." Rom. v : 12. 
 Being thus fallen, nothing will destroy all sin and restore 
 man to the image and likeness of his Maker but the cruci 
 fixion of self, the death of the old, sinful nature, and a 
 resurrection to newness of life through and with our 
 Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. This is not a physical 
 death, nor a physical resurrection, be it understood ; but 
 a spiritual work through our Lord, who is able to save to 
 the uttermost all who come unto God by Him. There 
 must be an inward crucifixion of the natural man ; we 
 must die to our own selfish life, pass through this death 
 to sin, and rise with Christ, when we find the last enemy 
 destroyed. 
 
 We come into this divine life by entering into perfect 
 sympathy with our Saviour, so far as possible, in the 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 89 
 
 agony of the garden of Gethsemane and sufferings of the 
 cross. You may feel as He did, that all have forsaken 
 you, for the Spirit of God often takes from under the soul 
 every prop on which it might lean for support, outside of 
 Christ. Christ said : " My soul is exceeding sorrowful, 
 even unto death." And they all forsook Him and fled. 
 
 Christ brings us again into our lost inheritance. He 
 is our substitute. He died for us and lives again for us, 
 that we may reign with Him in eternal life. By his 
 sacrifice we obtain all the blessings of this eternal life 
 here and hereafter. Oh, what a friend we have in Jesus. 
 
 I went into the sure inheritance of eternal life, as 
 every one may go, leaning upon the arm of my Beloved. 
 Song of Solomon, viii : 5. 
 
 Hallelujah ! I am fully redeemed by my blessed 
 Saviour ! 
 
 " Oh, how sweet to walk in this pilgrim way, 
 
 Leaning on the everlasting arms ; 
 Oh, how bright the path grows from day to day, 
 Leaning on the everlasting arms ! 
 
 " What have I to dread, what have I to fear ? 
 
 Leaning on the everlasting arms ; 
 I have blessed peace, with my Lord so near, 
 Leaning on the everlasting arms." 
 
 As you come into this last experience, it will seem to 
 you as though you had awakened out of a long sleep. 
 God's voice has awakened you out of the sleep of sin. He 
 has said : " Awake thou that sleepest, and arise from the 
 dead, and Christ shall give you light." And you arise 
 with Jesus. With Him you died ; with Him you arise; 
 with Him you sit in the heavenly places Eph. ii : 6. 
 
90 LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 
 
 You are clothed with immortality : you are restored to the 
 Divine image : you are entirely separated from the world 
 of the unconverted and from the world of self : you are 
 one with Christ. 
 
 Had I the voice of an archangel I would sound this 
 salvation from pole to pole, even to the uttermost parts of 
 the globe ; Christ's power to save man to the uttermost 
 and fill him with all the fullness of God. 
 
 And so we exclaim with the Psalmist : "I shall be 
 satisfied when I awake with Thy likeness." Those who 
 have been brought to know Christ in this experience 
 have put off the earthly and have put on the heavenly. 
 They cease to know Christ after the flesh, as says the 
 Apostle, "Wherefore, henceforth know no man after 
 the flesh ; yea, though we have known Christ after the 
 flesh, yet now henceforth know we Him no more." 
 II Cor. v : 1 6. They can also assert with the author of 
 Hebrews : 4t We have an altar, whereof they have no 
 right to eat which serve the tabernacle" the outward 
 manifestation ; for, through the apprehension of Christ, 
 as the quickening Spirit, they look and see what is told 
 in Rev. xi : 19, "And the temple of God was opened in 
 heaven, and there was seen in his temple the ark of his 
 testament." The veil of the earthly temple was rent in 
 twain, and now, through the new and living way, we 
 enter into the holiest of all by the blood of Jesus. 
 
 The reader will probably wonder if I experienced 
 these three states of grace as expected. No, I did not, by 
 any means. I found them ten thousand times more won 
 derful than I had ever been led to expect, or than I could 
 ever describe ; and you, dear reader, will find it the same, 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 91 
 
 when you come to experience them. You will realize the 
 tremendous contrast between the world you have left and 
 the world you have entered through God's grace. You 
 will look back on the toilsome journey of your life, with 
 its cross-bearings and its recurrent temptations, and feel 
 thankful that you have at last risen with Christ into the 
 new life, and that the temple of your heart is emptied, 
 cleansed and fully purified, so as to be completely prepared 
 for the indwelling of the Holy Spirit the Spirit of 
 Christ. You will feel that you are entirely separated 
 from the evil, ungodly world of unregenerate people, and 
 that you have been set apart, sanctified for the Master's 
 use. You will enter the haven of rest and your eyes will 
 see " the king in his beauty." 
 
 These deeper truths of God's word have been covered 
 up through many ages, but are now made manifest to his 
 children, who are discovering things new and old The 
 rejection of these truths to-day, throughout the world, is 
 an appalling fact, for even among God's professed people 
 thousands of substitutes are put in the place of Christ 
 and His Holy Spirit. The true life of the soul eternal 
 life is derived only from the Holy Spirit of Christ, for 
 Jesus says : ' ' Without Me [or apart from Me] ye can do 
 nothing." No substitute can take His place in giving us 
 happiness on earth and a share in the ineffable glory of 
 heaven. 
 
 The soul which is purified and filled with the Spirit is 
 always quiet and serene, and ever possessed of evenness 
 of mind : tribulations never disturb it ; nor do the inner 
 continuous communications from God render it vain and 
 conceited. It abides in wonderful, heavenly peace, and 
 
92 LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 
 
 is always full of hope, trust and filial reverence. 
 
 The kingdom of heaven is within you. If you have 
 Christ you have heaven, for Christ and heaven are one. 
 Heaven is a state of entire purity, and we do not have to 
 die bodily to enter it. When we die to sin we are in 
 heaven. We come into Paradise first, and this is a fore 
 taste of heaven. Only a holy heart understands heaven 
 or can describe it ; yet the road to heaven has been trod 
 by so many pilgrims that you cannot miss your way if 
 you watch for their " footprints on the sands of time " and 
 follow them. 
 
 The first step of the road was shown to Nicodemus by 
 Jesus, when he said : "Verily, verily. I say unto thee : 
 Except a man be. born again he cannot see the kingdom 
 of God. That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and 
 that which is born of the spirit is spirit." John iii : 3, 6. 
 
 The only barrier between you and heaven is your 
 sins. If you are a sinner, will you not forsake your sins 
 and give them up for heaven ? If you will abandon 
 your sins and become born of the Spirit, then heaven is 
 certainly yours- To know God, and Jesus Christ whom 
 He hath sent, this is eternal life. Oh, believe the record 
 true and enter in. 
 
 O, priceless faith, how gently didst thou draw my 
 soul into union with the Divine One when I longed most 
 earnestly for true, pure love. When nothing on earth 
 satisfied the cravings of my inner nature, faith whispered 
 to me : " Draw near in confidence and thou shalt be made 
 a partaker of His divine love. ' ' 
 
 I listened, and in the silent night the divine messenger 
 brought peace to my longing heart. Since then thou 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 93 
 
 hast seemed present to me everywhere, O Holy One. I 
 seem to behold Thee in my dreams ; I listen to the leaves 
 as they rustle on the trees, and on each leaf I fancy I see 
 Thy loving smile imprinted ; I hear Thy voice in the song 
 of every bird, and the silent moonbeams reflect the calm 
 of Thy tranquil love. 
 
 I rest in Thee. Thou encotnpassest my being, and 
 the chords of my heart vibrate to Thy touch. Thou art 
 my soul's entrancing melody, and the joy of Thy presence 
 fills the chambers of my soul, where still lingers the light 
 of Thy gracious countenance. Not a sunlit morn nor 
 glimmering beam of starlight but whispers of Thee. 
 
 O, delightful recompense for my long and lonely yearn 
 ing ! When with rapturous thrills of joy my soul became 
 united to Thee, what gladness I felt ! My heart broke 
 out in song. O, boundless, fathomless love divine : Christ 
 is all and in all ! 
 
 " Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honor to Him : 
 for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and His wife hath 
 made herself ready. And to her was granted that she 
 should be arrayed in fine linen, clean and white : for the 
 fine linen is the righteousness of saints." Rev. xix : 7, 8. 
 
 God, himself, has condescended to say, speaking of 
 those who had constituted his true people : "I am married 
 unto you." And again, "I will betroth thee unto me 
 forever." Hosea, ii : 19. This marriage refers to the 
 divine completeness of man in spirit, soul and body. God 
 and the soul in union originates pure love, and consti 
 tutes but one and the same spirit, as the bride and the 
 bridegroom in marriage are made one. The soul in union 
 with God is in a state of pure love, and can exclaim : 
 
94 LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS^ 
 
 I IN THEE, AND THOU IN ME! 
 
 " I in Thee and Thou in me ; 
 Blessed, mystic unity. 
 
 Nothing have I ; all is Thine : 
 I am Thine and Thou art mine. 
 
 Life and love and light I find, 
 Perfectly in Thee combined. 
 
 In Thy light alone is light, 
 Perfect peace, supreme delight. 
 
 I in Thee and Thou in me 
 Wonderful the mystery." 
 
 May the blessing of the Lord rest upon the reader of 
 this book, and may the Holy Spirit carry its words to 
 every hungering and thirsting soul throughout the world. 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. . 95 
 
 A Poetical Treasure. 
 
 years ago the following poem, with the introduc 
 tion thereto, was printed in Louisiana, in the " Christian 
 Advocate and Journal. " I found it appropriate to my 
 own feelings while in that country, and I have kept it as 
 a sacred treasure. Now I give it to you : 
 
 " We are informed that the first three stanzas of the 
 following piece of poetry were written by a young for 
 eigner, who, having left the parental hall ' where prayer 
 was wont to be made,' afterward fell into circumstances of 
 great affliction, during which, as was very natural, the 
 * scenes of his tranquility ' rose to his view in all their 
 force and beauty, and constrained him to pour forth his 
 sorrows in these measured and moving strains The 
 three following stanzas were added by another, and the 
 fourth by another :" 
 
 THE FAMILY BIBLE. 
 
 How painfully pleasing the fond recollection 
 
 Of youthful connections and innocent joy ; 
 When blessed with parental advice and affection, 
 
 Surrounded with mercies and peace from on high ; 
 I still view the chairs of my father and mother, 
 
 The seats of their offspring arranged on each hand, 
 And that richest of books that excels every other, 
 
 The family Bible,, that lay on the stand. 
 CHORUS : 
 
 The old fashioned Bible, the dear, blessed Bible, 
 
 The family Bible, that lay on the stand. 
 
96 LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 
 
 The Bible the volume of God's inspiration 
 
 At morning and evening could yield us delight ; 
 The prayer of our sire was a sweet invocation, 
 
 For mercies by day and for safety by night ; 
 Our hymns of thanksgiving with harmony swelling, 
 
 All warm from the breast of a family band, 
 Half raised us from earth to that rapturous dwelling, 
 
 Described in the Bible that lay on the stand. 
 
 Ye scenes' of tranquility long have we parted, 
 
 My hopes almost gone and my parents no more ; 
 In sorrow and darkness I live broken hearted 
 
 A wanderer unknown on a far-distant shore ; 
 Yet how can I doubt a dear Saviour's protection, 
 
 Forgetful of gifts from His bountiful hand ; 
 Q let me with patience receive His correction, 
 
 And think of the Bible that lay on the stand. 
 
 Blest Bible, the light and the guide of. the stranger 
 
 With it I seemed circled by parents and friends ; 
 Thy kind admonition shall guide me from danger, 
 
 Thy promise through infinite ages extends. 
 Hope brightens to vigor and rises to glory, 
 
 I love to behold the invisible land 
 And for refuge lay hold on the hope set before me, 
 
 Revealed in the Bible that lay on the .stand. 
 
 Hail ! rising the brightest and best of the morning, 
 
 The star which has guided my parents safe home, 
 The beam of thy glory my pathway adorning 
 
 Shall scatter the darkness and brighten my gloom 
 And as ancient sages, to worship the stranger, 
 
 With ecstasy hastened to Canaan's fair land ; 
 I will bow to adore, but not in a manger 
 
 He's seen in the Bible that lay on the stand. 
 
 Though age and misfortune press hard on my feelings, 
 I flee to the Bible and trust in the Lord ; 
 
 Though darkness should cover His merciful dealings 
 My soul is still cheered by His heavenly word *, 
 
LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 97 
 
 And now from things earthly my soul is removing, 
 I soon shall shout glory in heaven's bright land ; 
 
 And with raptures of joy be forever adoring 
 
 The God of the Bible that lay on the stand. 
 
 My parents though dead are safe landed in glory, 
 
 Escaped to the mansions of heavenly rest ; 
 Where seraphs and angels repeat the glad story 
 
 Of Jesus' love to poor sinners confessed , 
 They range the blest fields on the banks of the river, 
 
 Surveying the breadth of Emanuel's Land ; 
 They love Him and praise Him for ever and ever, 
 
 For giving the Bible that lay on the stand. 
 
98 LIFETIME RECOLLECTIONS. 
 
 The Heavenly Sculptor. 
 
 T. C. UPHAM. 
 
 Shrink not from suffering. Bach dear blow, 
 From which thy smitten spirit bleeds, 
 
 Is but a messenger to show 
 
 The renovation which it needs. 
 
 The earthly sculptor smites the rock : 
 Loud the relentless hammer rings ; 
 
 And from the rude, unshapen block, 
 
 At length, imprisoned beauty brings. 
 
 Thou art that rude, unshapen stone ; 
 
 And waitest till the arm of strife 
 Shall make its crucifixions known, 
 
 And smite and carve thee into life. 
 
 The heavenly Sculptor works on thee ; 
 
 Be patient. Soon His arm of might 
 Shall from thy prison's darkness free, 
 
 And change thee to a form of light. 
 
I 
 
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 Lifetime reflections. A2 
 
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