IT HI 807.73 LSQ6.1 Leasing. Br-uno UTHOR Jake - or Sam BORROWER'S NAME 807.73 Leasing, Bruno Jake - or Sam y Y JAKE or SAM I CAUGHT UP MIT MYSELF ! DOT'S DER MATTER ! " JAKE or SAM BY BRUNO LESSING New York Desmond FitzGerald, Inc. Publishers Copyright, 1908. by INTERNATIONAL MAGAZINE CO. Copyright, 1909, by DESMOND FITZGERALD. Inc. I ityja- i * 1 JAKE or SAM JAKE or SAM Spiegelbrauer lived on Avenue A. Spiegelbrauer was exceedingly fat. Spiegelbrauer was an amazing sleeper. These three facts may be stated as indisputable, or in the language of Kegelhopfen, " midout fear of sug- sessful gontradiction." Whether Spie- gelbrauer was such an amazing sleeper because he was fat, or whether he was fat because he was such an amazing sleeper, is one of those debatable ques- tions upon which, probably, no two disputants would agree. Let us, there- fore, content ourselves with the incon- trovertible. When the clock in Father Ignatius's church struck ten Spiegelbrauer would yawn and roll into bed. Within two minutes he would be sound asleep, and snoring although the snoring does not 'Jake or Sam figure in this story. Once asleep, his slumber would last dreamlessly until ten o'clock in the morning. Then Spiegelbrauer would open his eyes and smile a pleasant, lovable smile. The roll of the seasons, the precession of the equinoxes, and the laws of gravita- tion were no more regular or inflexible than were Spiegelbrauer's sleeping habits. He was well-to-do and re- tired from active business and could, therefore, afford the luxury of long sleep. He was unmarried and so could indulge in it without interfering with the comfort of others. So thoroughly had the habit of twelve hours' sleep fastened itself upon him that his whole life was regulated in accordance with it. After ten o'clock at night there was nothing for Spiegelbrauer to do. Before ten o'clock in the morning there was not the slightest way of killing time. Between 10 A.M and 10 P.M. his daily promenade in Tompkins Square, his morning game of chess at Hoff- man's Cafe, his two-hour perusal of the evening newspaper, and his ten games of Jake or Sam pinocle at Kegelhopfen's, to say noth- ing of his three meals and six cigars, all fell into the day's chronology with the precision and the regularity of the clock. The life of a planet could have been no more regular than Spiegel- brauer's, the life of a turtle, no more tranquil, until oh! memorable day the Man with the Glass Eye came. Upon the shoulders of Kegelhopfen must always rest the responsibility for bringing the Man with the Glass Eye into the life of Spiegelbrauer and for bringing him in at the moment that was so peculiarly propitious for the accomplishment of the memorable sequence. The clock in Father Ig- natius's church had struck the half- hour between nine and ten; Spiegel- brauer, complaining of a headache, had shuffled the cards for his last game of pinocle, when the Man with the Glass Eye entered Kegelhopfen's saloon, and with a cheery " Hello, Keg!" ordered a glass of beer. Kegelhopfen greeted him with an enthusiasm that attracted the attention Jake or Sam of all the patrons of the place. " Veil ! Veil! If it ain'd my old friend, Chake! I am astoneished! Vere haf you been?" " Oh, I've just arrived from Berlin. Had some business with the emperor. Ask your friends to have a drink with me." Then it was that Kegelhopfen led the Man with the Glass Eye to the table where Spiegelbrauer sat, and with a sweep of his arm and a mumbling of incoherent sounds performed the cere- mony of a general introduction. Spiegelbrauer, observing instantly that the newcomer had a glass eye, soon found himself fascinated by the unruly antics of that artificial member. It had a curious habit of rolling in a fixed orbit until it reached its zenith and then suddenly dropping to its nadir and resuming its course in the opposite direction. The other eye, however, was bright and twinkled in- cessantly. There was something ex- ceedingly attractive about the chap, a radiation of personal magnetism that 10 THE FRENCH GOVERNMENT WOULD GIVE A GOOD DEAL TO KNOW WHERE I AM AT THIS MOMENT " Jake or Sam so frequently accompanies a cheerful and more or less frivolous nature. Spiegelbrauer conceived an instinctive liking for the Man with the Glass Eye. ' Vot iss it your name vas?" he asked. " I didn't gatch it." " Jake," came the reply. " Just call me Jake. That isn't my real name, but when you're on a secret mission, you can't be too careful. The French government would give a good deal to know where I am at this moment. For the past ten days, whenever I've thought of how they're puzzling their poor brains wondering where I went to, I have had to laugh." And he burst into a peal of merry laughter so infectious that Spiegelbrauer joined him and laughed until his ponderous frame quivered. " Dot's a good vun!" he exclaimed. " I like to see der French get it goot unt hart! Ach!" he added, a moment later, "I haf such a headache!" " Headache ! " exclaimed Jake, with quick sympathy. ' Why didn't you say so before? Here, take one of 12 Jake or Sam these. One of the most famous physi- cians in Russia prescribed them for me. They'll stop your headache in a jiffy." Spiegelbrauer took one. Incident- ally his eye caught the name, " Bil- kins's Ache Killer," upon the paste- board box that contained them, but Jake promptly explained that he had put the wonderful pills into the first box that came to his hand. And, surely enough, in a few minutes Spiegelbrauer's headache had van- ished. Spiegelbrauer's spirits rose and, glancing at his watch, he in- sisted upon treating Jake to a drink. " It iss my bet-time unt I go to bet," he said. "What? Go to bed at ten o'clock?" said Jake. "Absurd! Did I ever tell you the story about the King of Italy going to bed early? " " No," replied Spiegelbrauer, " you nefer did." The fact that he had never laid eyes upon Jake before did not occur to him. " Well, sir," Jake began. Now, as is Jake or Sam a rule, when a man begins his narrative with " Well, sir," he is wound up for a long recital. Jake's story lasted nearly three-quarters of an hour, and through it all Spiegelbrauer listened spellbound. Not that the story was at all interesting; it was not even co- herent. But the man had the true story-teller's faculty of glib and run- ning narrative, and even Kegelhopfen abandoned his bar to listen. ' You did not tell us vot der queen said to der king," said Spiegelbrauer, when the story was finished. Jake leaned back in his chair, pointed to Spiegelbrauer, and looked at the others. ' You see? He grasped the point at once. Now to make clear to you what the queen said I've got to go back to how I first met her." And just as he finished his story the clock in Father Ignatius's church struck midnight! " Donnerwetter! " cried Spiegel- brauer. ' Twelf o'clock, unt me not in bet ! " He paid his score, bade 14 Jake or Sam them all good-night, and was about to leave when Jake said: " If you don't mind I'll walk a bit with you. I don't feel sleepy, and a walk will do me good." During the walk Jake chatted most amiably of all the great folk he had met in Europe, and when they reached Spiegelbrauer's house he was in the midst of a story whose finish Spiegel- brauer would not have missed for the world. "My!" he exclaimed. "Such a in- teresting talker! I could listen mit you all der night. But I must go to bet. Donnerwetter! Listen! It iss vun o'clock! Ach, du lieber! Nefer did I do it! Good night! Good night! Come again to Kegelhopfen's. I like to talk mit you. Good night! " Alas! It was not to be. "Hark!" said Jake. "What is that?" Spiegelbrauer listened and heard the bells of fire-engines rapidly growing louder and louder. "It iss a fire!" said he. There is 15 Jake or Sam something in the tumultuous clangor of fire-bells that arrests the attention of all men, particularly landlords, and Spiegelbrauer waited until the fire- engines came into view. " It is on this street," said Jake excitedly. " Let's go and see. Maybe we can help. Did I ever tell you how I rescued General Von I mean a German army officer from a fire? " " No. You nefer did! Did you get a medal? " It was an unoccupied factory build- ing that had caught fire, and the flames had made such headway ere the engines arrived that the firemen could do noth- ing to check their progress but con- fine their efforts to saving adjacent buildings. Spiegelbrauer, fascinated by the huge tongues of leaping flame, stood open-mouthed, watching the fire, until the building had burned to the ground. Then the clock in Father Ignatius's church struck three. Spie- gelbrauer groaned. " Come on, Spiegy " Jake had been calling him " Spiegy " for some 16 Jake or Sam time " I know a place that is open all night. Let's get one night-cap, and then we'll turn in." Spiegelbrauer demurred, but Jake had a way of slipping his arm around his companion's massive waist that went straight to the fat ,man's heart. He gazed, quite fondly, into the rolling glass eye. "My, such a coaxer I nefer seen! Choost one drink I take unt den- sleeps. Nefer did I do it! Nefer!" Facilis descensus! The night hav- ing grown quite chilly, Jake suggested one " wee nip " of whiskey as a great improvement upon cold beer, and when he felt the warm glow of the liquor within him Spiegelbrauer fell an easy victim to the suggestion of a second drink, and then a third. Exactly how it all happened after that Spiegel- brauer never knew, but when, two hours later, he found himself riding in an open carriage through Central Park, with Jake singing a rollicking song beside him, he remembered dis- tinctly that it was his own sugges- 17 Jake or Sam tion and that he had argued quite strenuously to overcome Jake's ob- jections. ' You haf gifed me much bleasure," he had said, " unt now I takes you for some bleasure. We go in der Central Bark unt see der sun rise. Vunce in Charmany I seen der sun rise. Ach, it iss fine! " Spiegelbrauer was thoroughly awake. He was also thoroughly sober. But a feeling of absolute recklessness pos- sessed him. He felt the necessity of doing something to please his com- panion, who, now that he knew he could trust Spiegelbrauer, gave him full names and details that he had omitted from his former narratives. " Now I don't mind telling you between man and man, not to go any farther, you understand the lady who gave me the diamond ring I told you about was " he gazed around anx- iously, to make sure that the driver was not listening, while Spiegelbrauer, with earnest expression, inclined his head toward his companion " was the 18 Jake or Sam Princess Carlotta von Schleswig- Braunschweig! " 'You don't say!" whispered Spie- gelbrauer. " Iss it bossible ! " The sun rose, and Jake philosophic- ally remarked, " It's time for break- fast!" Somewhere between Central Park and Avenue A, in broad daylight, the Man with the Glass Eye left Spiegel- brauer. He had an important engage- ment, he explained, with an emissary of the German ambassador. " See you later," he cried cheerily, and soon disappeared from view. It was a forlorn Spiegelbrauer that trudged wearily homeward that bright morning. It was a tired, lonesome, unhappy Spiegelbrauer that gazed, again and again, at the hands of the clock as he prepared for bed. ' Ten o'clock in der morning! Ach, der lieber Gott! I haf made a night of it! Ts! Ts! Ts!" But as he slipped in between the covers, he murmured drowsily: "Fine feller, dot Chake! Awful nice young man! " 19 Jake or Sam When Spiegelbrauer awoke the room was pitch dark. He sat bolt upright in bed, his eyes blinking very rapidly as his brain struggled to grasp this new and curious situation. Then, slowly, as a turn in a river unfolds a new panorama to the view, the events of the previous night ar- ranged themselves in line to his awakening memory. Spiegelbrauer groaned. "Fool vot I am!" he exclaimed. He arose and held a lighted match before the clock. It was exactly ten o'clock. "Fool! Fool! Tarn fool vot I am! " he cried aloud. He opened a window and looked out. The street was almost deserted. The day's traffic was over; it was night. Spiegelbrauer, groaning dismally, dressed himself and, from force of habit, wended his way to Hoffman's Cafe, where, for years, he had breakfasted daily. Hoffman's Cafe was closed. A feeling of irritation settled upon Spiegelbrauer. He was hungry what 20 Jake or Sam right had Hoffman's Cafe to be closed before he had eaten? Never again would he go there. He wandered from street to street until he found a restau- rant that was open and ate a liberal amount of ham and eggs, after which the feeling of irritation passed away. The cigar after breakfast tasted par- ticularly good that night, and a rosier hue began to tinge Spiegelbrauer's view of life. After all, what difference could one night make! He was a sober, methodical, steady-going citizen who had, by purest accident, slipped a cog. Other men did the thing fre- quently; he had done it for the first and last time in his life. No one had suffered, nothing had been lost save a few hours' sleep. He would take his customary stroll through the square, drop in at Kegelhopfen's for a glass of beer perhaps even a single game of pinocle and then, home to bed, after which eight or nine hours' sleep would bring his daily routine to its customary starting-point. It was a fairly happy Spiegelbrauer that strode forth from 21 Jake or Sam the restaurant into the refreshing air of Tompkins Square. Alas for Spiegelbrauer's plans! The square was quite deserted, and the un- wonted gloom struck a chill to his heart. He seated himself upon a bench and closed his eyes to ponder the whole situation anew. A policeman, ap- proaching with noiseless tread, prodded him vigorously with his stick. ' Wake up, there ! No sleeping in the park." Spiegelbrauer, too disheartened to protest, groaned and moved away. He went to Kegelhopfen's saloon. There was not a soul in the place that he had ever seen before, save the cus- todian of the bar, a red-eyed, impos- sible youth who cleaned the glasses during the day. ' Vare is Kegelhopfen? " asked Spiegelbrauer. The youth yawned. " Home he iss went. Always six minutes after ten he iss home went." Spiegelbrauer drummed nervously upon the bar. ' Veil, gif me a class of Jake or Sam beer," said he. The beer was lifeless and stale. Spiegelbrauer paid for the sip he had taken and went home. " Unfriended, melancholy, slow," he un- dressed and rolled into bed. And then for the first time, the full and awful truth of his situation slowly and gradu- ally unfolded itself to his paralyzed mind. He could not sleep! Hour after hour he lay motionless, exhausting every expedient he ever had heard of, that might possibly bring slumber to his despairing senses. He counted up to four thousand. Then he counted backward. He made an accurate inventory of nine hundred black sheep jumping, one by one, over a rail fence, but the nine-hundredth leaped as nimbly and as vividly as had the first. He recited " Die Wacht am Rhein," but in the middle of it he sat bolt upright in bed and exclaimed: " Mein Gott! Am I going crazy?" He rose from bed and lit a pipe, and gradually the tension of his nerves relaxed, and he felt a soothing tran- quillity steal over him but no sleep. 23 Jake or Sam Then he began to think of Jake, and it was not until the clock in Father Ignatius's church struck three that he started from his reverie. He went to bed again and counted up to fifteen hundred, and then, crying, " Tarn dot Chake! " he arose, dressed himself, and went out into the night. To chronicle his wanderings between that moment and daylight, to recount the attempts he made to dissipate the alert wakefulness that possessed him and to acquire a feeling of sleepiness, to describe his absolute loneliness and the sickening realization that came to him every hour that all his life was upside down, this would require a volume. In fact, Spiegelbrauer, whose mind was none of the swiftest, lived a psychological volume in every ten min- utes. He knew not what to do. He knew not where to go. He walked until he was tired, then he sat down on a doorstep and rested. Once it occurred to him to drink a great quan- tity of beer in order to acquire the drowsy feeling that he yearned for, 24 Jake or Sam but after the first glass he abandoned the idea. Somehow or other beer did not taste quite right just then. To- ward daybreak he became hungry, and coming upon a restaurant that he had never seen before, he ate a hearty meal. To his delight he found that the beer was beginning to resume its customary taste. He drank glass after glass, and slowly, yet steadily, its soporific effect began to work upon his senses, and he felt a gentle sleepiness steal over him. He glanced at his watch. It was half- past nine. He sighed. When the clock in Father Ignatius's church struck ten Spiegelbrauer rolled wearily into bed and in an instant was sound asleep. He slept until ten o'clock that night. For an entire week Spiegelbrauer went through this daily torment in a kind of daze. Not only had all his life and habits been suddenly turned topsy-turvy, but with the change even the limited capacity of his mind for grappling with unaccustomed condi- 25 Jake or Sam tions seemed to have been wiped out. His brain had grown absolutely torpid. It was all he could do to devise means of passing the deadly wakeful hours of night. Once, instinctively, when he awoke at ten o'clock at night, he de- termined to remain in bed all night and steal what additional sleep he could until the morning, when he would arise and resume the old routine. But the pangs of hunger drove him out to seek a midnight breakfast. Once and only once it occurred to him to remain awake all day and begin the old routine at bedtime that night. Alas! Had he not hastened to his bed at the stroke of ten he knew he would have fallen asleep in his chair. Aside from the endless recurrence of gloomy ideas that filled his bewildered mind during its wakeful hours, there was but one co- herent thought, one vivid, ever-present memory the Man with the Glass Eye. He wandered into Kegelhopfen's one night he had dressed hurriedly and had not even breakfasted, and it was only a quarter past ten when he ar- 26 Jake or Sam rived, but Kegelhopfen had already gone. " Home he iss went," explained the red-eyed youth. " Always six minutes after ten he iss home went. V'y you don't come in der day?" " It cannot be," said Spiegelbrauer. " But ven he comes in der morning you tell him I vant to know vot iss der last name of Chake, der man mit der glass eye. He knows who iss it I mean. Tell him to write it down, unt I vill call for it to-morrow night." Eagerly, breathlessly, hopefully Spie- gelbrauer turned up the following night. " Haf you got it? " he asked. The youth shook his head. " Mister Kegelhopfen knows der Chake vot you mean, but he don't know Chake's last name, unt he don't know vare he lifs. He t'inks his foist name iss Pete or Bill, but he ain't sure. He vill ask him ven he comes." From that moment the Man with the Glass Eye became an obsession with Spiegelbrauer. In his wakeful hours, throughout the tedium of the endless 27 Jake or Sam night, he thought of him. Through all his daily sleep he dreamed of him. Spiegelbrauer's past became a dim memory. His future, a misty, hopeless tangle, gradually began to be bound up with the Man with the Glass Eye. To find Jake again became the sole object of Spiegelbrauer's existence. What he would do or say when he met him, or how the Man with the Glass Eye could possibly remedy the evil that he had wrought, Spiegel- brauer never paused to consider. All he wanted was to find Jake again. Jake was responsible for all his misery. Jake had tempted him and had led him astray. Jake had made him turn night into day and day into night. The entire bottom had fallen out of Spie- gelbrauer's existence and Jake Jake alone was to blame. He must find Jake. Another week dragged on. All day long Spiegelbrauer slept. All night long he passed an aimless, fruitless, wandering existence, without friends, without cheer. His entire life had 28 Jake or Sam broken from its moorings and was drifting helplessly upon a black and dreary sea, upon which there shone but two bright lights, viz., 10 A.M. and 10 P.M. At 10 A.M., invariably, he fell asleep. At 10 P.M., invariably, he awoke. Beyond those two lights all was dark and chaos. More and more intense grew his desire to find Jake. And, one morning, unexpectedly, in the early dawn, he found him. The ties that bound him to all his former haunts having been severed, Spiegelbrauer had fallen into the habit of eating what he called his dinner at a different restaurant each morning. He would wander aimlessly along the least deserted thoroughfares in the dawn until he became hungry, and then drop into the first eating-place he found. It was in a somewhat dingy establishment close by the Bowery that he came upon the Man with the Glass Eye. He had not seen him enter the place, but while he was struggling to decipher the hand- writing of the bill of fare, he heard a never-to-be-forgotten voice. 29 Jake or Sam 11 and just as she splashed in I jumps clothes and all and being what you'd call a pretty nifty swim- mer, I soon has her by the arm. ' Now, your grace,' says I you've got to call 'em that, y' know, even when they're drownin' * Now, your grace,' I says, ' keep a stiff upper lip and don't try to claw me, and I'll get you ashore.' Well, sir, to make a long story short, I got her ashore, and then her husband, the duke, gave me this ring." Spiegelbrauer, with fast-beating heart, turned slowly in his chair. It was Jake, talking to the waiter and showing him a somewhat faded-looking ring in which a small diamond sparkled very faintly. Spiegelbrauer approached him and with an assumption of easy joviality slapped him on the back. "Hello, Chake!" he cried. The man turned to look at him gazed quite a long time, during which his artificial orb described a complete revo- lution and then, pointing to a chair, said: so I REMEMBER. BUT MY NAME AIN T JAKE. IT'S SAM " Jake or Sam " Hello, Miller. Sit down. How's the wife and all the babies? " Spiegelbrauer could hardly credit his senses. ' Vot? You don't remember me? Spiegelbrauer? Dot night in Kegelhopfen's? My! My! Chake! Vot a poor memory you haf ! " The Man with the Glass Eye grinned. "Oh, yes! I remember. But my name ain't Jake. It's Sam. Let's see! We went to the skating- rink, didn't we? With Morrissey and the whole crowd. Yes, I remember perfectly. Didn't you and I have a bet on Amalgamated copper? You bet ten dollars it would go up, and I bet it would drop first. You lost, you know." Spiegelbrauer's poor brain was reel- ing. That Jake could have forgotten that memorable epoch-making night was beyond his comprehension. He seated himself beside the Man with the Glass Eye, and wiped the perspiration from his brow, and then, clutching him tightly by the arm, began: " Chake or Sam it makes no dif- 32 Jake or Sam ference vot iss der name but if only you had a idea vot iss mit me since dot time I seen you, you vould haf pity. Now you are a fine feller vot knows a lot unt listen, Chake I vant your honest advice. Vot would you do if you vos in my place?" 'Why don't you go to the races? I've got a sure thing in the third race. Had dinner with the owner last night. Did I ever tell you how I met him? It's very interesting. The Crown Prince of " ' Vait ! Vait ! " interrupted Spiegel- brauer gently. " Nefer mind about der Crown Prince now. But listen to me. Tell me vot you vould do." And with almost pathetic simplicity he told the Man with the Glass Eye the whole story, making clear to him what his life had been before that eventful night at Kegelhopfen's and what it had been since. " Now, Chake," he said " or Sam I haf a idea. You are a good talker. You are a fine feller." He laid his hand affectionately upon the man's 33 Jake or Sam shoulder. ' You kept me awake a whole night long. Keep me awake a whole day unt I am your friend for life. I ain'd a rich man, but I got a liddle money, unt vot it costs I pay. You stay by me till ten o'clock to- night, unt don't let me sleep, unt I nefer in my life forget it." Jake or Sam wrinkled his brow. " Spiegelheimer," he began. " Spiegelbrauer iss der name." " Well, Spiegelbrauer, I'll tell you. I've got a private mission to-day. See this box? " He drew a big black box from under the table. ' Well, sir, this contains a new kind of key-ring, and I've got to go down to Fulton Street and sell them. Of course, it ain't in my line, but I'm on the lookout for an important personage, and I just got a cable that he'll be walking down Ful- ton Street within a day or two. So, in order not to arouse suspicion, I've got to stand there for a few days and make believe I'm an ordinary pedler till he comes along. And then a-h-h-h! " He smacked his lips. 34 Jake or Sam ' You arrest him? " asked Spiegel- brauer, interested despite his troubles. "Arrest him? No, siree! But you just wait. I'll tell you what we'll do. You come with me and watch me do the diplomatic. If he doesn't come by noon, I'll Say, Spiegy, do you ever play the ponies?" ' Vot iss it ? " asked Spiegelbrauer. "By cricky!" exclaimed the Man with the Glass Eye. " That's the idea. We'll go to the races. I've got a lead- pipe in the third, and I'll put you wise. Come on, Spiegy. Let's go down the street and get a drink, and then we'll start operations." Before they reached Fulton Street they had stopped for three drinks and, slowly but surely, Spiegelbrauer felt the same fascination that had led him astray that eventful night steal over him again. The man never allowed a pause to creep into his conversation. He chatted on glibly, aimlessly, often incoherently, but always with the most delightful good-nature, and Spiegel- brauer, listening to every word, for- 35 Jake or Sam got all about his sorrows and never for an instant felt sleepy. " Ach, Chake! Chake or Sam!" he exclaimed, laughing heartily at a humorous story the man had just told about the Archduke Alexandrovitch- sky. " If you unt I could only stick togedder, vot a time ve could haf!" At Fulton Street Spiegelbrauer re- ceived a momentary shock. The Man with the Glass Eye, who had never for an instant allowed the black box to leave his hands, now opened it, drew out a folded tripod, which he set upon the curb-stone, and with a dexterity born of long practice fastened the box upon it. " Come on, boys," he began in the shrill singsong of the sidewalk vender. " Step up to the captain's office. Key- rings. Key-chains! Ye can't break 'em! Ye can't lose 'em! How do we get the keys upon the little ring? The swiftness of the hand deceives the eye! Come on, boys! Step up. Only twenty-five cents one quarter of a 36 Jake or Sam simoleon each, guaranteed for five years, silver-plated, non-rusting, non- corrosible, non-kinkable, non-breakable, guarantee-e-ed! Come on, boys. Only twenty-five cents apiece! " Spiegelbrauer, for just one instant, was taken aback. But with a charm- ing smile the Man with the Glass Eye whispered to him: " How do I do it? Great, ain't it? Been practicing all week. I'll bet they all think I'm a regular pedler. Hey, Spiegy?" Spiegelbrauer felt relieved. ' You sure do it fine," he said. " Maybe it's better if I buy vun. Den nobody vill suspect nodding." He bought one, and the Man with the Glass Eye took an almost boyish pleasure in showing him how it worked. " Now," he said, " you walk up and down and keep your eye peeled for a man with a wooden leg and a big scar across his cheek and a red beard." " Hass he eyeglasses got?" asked Spiegelbrauer, " because if not den I vunce knew a man like dot in Parten- 37 Jake or Sam kirchen vare I vas born, only he had a black beard." It lasted nearly four hours. Twice the Man with the Glass Eye asked Spiegelbrauer to mind his stand while he went for a drink, and twice Spiegel- brauer walked as far as the door of a saloon and had a drink brought out for himself he would not let his man out of his sight. Then Jake or Sam counted up his profits. ' Twelve sales three dollars bully for me! Come on, Spiegy; let's get something to eat, and then we'll go to the races." "But supposing der man comes?" " Sh-h! " The Man with the Glass Eye looked around eagerly, saw that no one was observing him and whis- pered into Spiegelbrauer's ear: " Sh-h-h! My side partner is on deck. Don't notice him! Walk right on with me. Sh-h-h!" Spiegelbrauer was intensely happy. It was noon, and he was not sleepy! Whether it was the drinks he had con- sumed, or the lively companionship of 38 THE MAN WITH THE GLASS EYE SEEMED AL Jake or Sam the Man with the Glass Eye, or the unwonted excitement of doing things he had never done before, Spiegel- brauer did not stop to consider. For Spiegelbrauer wasn't what you would call a philosopher. But the hours were slipping by, one by one, and the old and natural order of things was ap- proaching nearer and nearer. Once or twice a feeling that was suspiciously like drowsiness fell upon him, but a wonderful story about some famous duke or queen that the Man with the Glass Eye had known, or some new kind of drink that he would suggest, enabled Spiegelbrauer to throw it off easily. It was a repetition of that memorable night, with the difference that Spiegelbrauer was doing his best to prolong instead of shorten it. They went to the races. Spiegel- brauer insisted upon paying all ex- penses and even offered his companion some money to wager upon a horse. But, curiously enough, the man would accept nothing. " Keep your dough for the lead-pipe 40 Jake or Sam in the third," he said, " and after that we'll blow in the winnings." The unexpected really happens occa- sionally. The " lead-pipe " actually won, and Spiegelbrauer, for the first time in his fife, found himself in pos- session of nearly a hundred dollars that he had not earned. " Chake," he said, " I mean Sam you are a vunder! How did it happen? You must be a million- aire." " Well, what did I tell you? They couldn't beat that horse. Let's get an automobile afterwards and ride down to the beach. What d'ye say?" They hired an automobile and rode down to the beach. There Spiegel- brauer insisted upon buying one bottle of champagne after another, and the more he drank the happier he became. And slowly the cobwebs lifted from his brain, and he was once more able to think in his old and simple way. He glanced at his watch. It was nine o'clock. Spiegelbrauer fairly chortled with happiness. 41 Jake or Sam " Vait a minute," he said. " I vill be right back." He went to the office of the hotel and entered into earnest conversation with the clerk, who summoned a burly porter, to whom Spiegelbrauer told his story over again. As he returned to the dining-room, beaming with joy, they both gazed after him in amaze- ment. " Come, Chakey Sam," he cried jovially. " Let's haf von more bottle, unt den * Then let's go back to town and take in the end of a roof -garden show." Spiegelbrauer chuckled. " Choost vait!" he said. " Ve vill see vot ve vill see! Now listen, vunce, Chake Sam. Half unt half alike dot's my motto. You had der tip I had der money. Here iss fifty dollars vot you put in your pocket." The Man with the Glass Eye seemed almost reluctant to take it. ' I'll have to blow it in to-night," he said. "Ha! Ha! Choost vait! Choost vait!" 42 Jake or Sam And just then a shadow fell across the table. " Come on, boss. It's five minutes to ten." It was the burly porter, and Spie- gelbrauer clutched him tightly by the arm as if he feared he might vanish away. "Ha! Ha!" he laughed. "I'm a safed man. Good night, Sammy Chake! Good night, old boy; it's ten o'clock! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ho! Ho! Ho! It's all right again! Hooray!" The Man with the Glass Eye gazed at him in amazement. ' Why, Spiegy," he said, "what is the matter?" "Der matter? Ha! Ha! Ha! I caught up mit myself! Dot's der mat- ter! Ha! Ha! Ha!" Shaking with laughter and clinging tightly to the porter's arm, Spiegel- brauer went into the hotel and five minutes later, without having removed either his shoes or his hat, but with a smile of seraphic content upon his face, was sound asleep. Meanwhile the Man with the Glass Eye sat where Spiegelbrauer had left 43 Jake or Sam him, his brow puckered into a puzzled frown. Then he drew a penknife from his pocket and slowly carved his initials upon the table, whistling softly the while. UC SOUTHERN REGIONAL LIBRARY FACILITY A 001418096 2