UC-NRLF 
 
 B 3 1MM 357 
 
 THE 
 
 GENTLEMAN 
 RANKER 
 
 AND OTHER PLAYS 
 
 By LEON GORDON 
 
 THE FOUR SEAS COMPANY 
 

THE GENTLEMAN RANKER 
 
THE 
 GENTLEMAN RANKER 
 
 AND OTHER PLAYS 
 
 BY 
 
 LEON GORDON 
 
 BOSTON 
 
 THE FOUR SEAS COMPANY 
 1919 
 
Copyright, 1919, by 
 
 THE FOUR SEAS COMPANY 
 
 THE FOUR SEAS PRESS 
 BOSTON, MASS., U. S. A. 
 
TO 
 
 MY MOTHER 
 
 AND 
 
 THC MEMORY OF 
 MY FATHER 
 
 401067 
 
CONTENTS 
 
 THE GENTLEMAN RANKER . . . .11 
 
 As A PAL 77 
 
 LEAVE THE WOMAN OUT . . . 109 
 
THE GENTLEMAN RANKER 
 
 ORIGINALLY SUGGESTED BY MARY STAFFORD-SMITH FROM 
 RUDYARD KIPLING S "BARRACK ROOM BALLADS" 
 
 We re poor little lambs who ve lost our way, 
 
 Baa! baa! baa! 
 We re little black sheep who ve gone astray, 
 
 Baa aa aa! 
 
 Gentlemen-rankers out on the spree 
 Damned from here to eternity, 
 God ha mercy on such as we, 
 
 Baa! Yah! Bah! 
 
 KIPLING 
 
[ORIGINAL CAST] 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN Mr. A. C. Lilly 
 
 PRIVATE SMITH Mr. Charles King 
 
 SIR CHARLES AMES Mr. George Butler 
 
 CAPTAIN CRANE Mr. James E. Green 
 
 LIEUTENANT HARFORD Mr. Leon Gordon 
 
 LIEUTENANT BRETT Mr. Franklyn Wood 
 
 MAJOR Mr. Harry Evans 
 
 DOT Mr. Charles Douglas 
 
 SOAPY Mr. Geo. Tapping 
 
 VIOLET LEE Miss Fife Alexandra 
 OFFICERS, NURSES, MEN, BAND, ETC. 
 
THE GENTLEMAN RANKER 
 
 SCENE I 
 
 A corrugated iron barn in Kroonsdorp on the border 
 of German South West Africa. There is a window 
 at the back, which shows a typical African Market 
 Square, and in the distance an old Dutch farm, 
 partly in ruins from artillery fire. The barn itself 
 is in fairly good preservation, except for a ragged 
 shell hole on the left side near the roof about five 
 feet by two. Its sole furniture consists of two 
 wooden benches, a rough wooden table, and two or 
 three wooden chairs. There is a door right and a 
 door left. 
 
 At the rise of the curtain, MAJOR HASELDENE, of the 
 transportation staff, is discovered seated at the table, 
 on which are scattered numerous military docu 
 ments. Standing left of him is CAPTAIN CRANE 
 orderly officer for the day, and looking out of the 
 window, with his back to the audience is 2ND LIEU 
 TENANT BRETT. A bugle is heard in the distance, 
 followed by the boom of a big gun. Then for a 
 moment there is silence, broken only by the scratch 
 ing of the MAJOR S pen. Presently he looks up and 
 addresses the CAPTAIN. 
 
 [ii] 
 
MAJOR 
 
 Well, I think that s the best we can do. The officers 
 will billet in the Power House. You can get four 
 hundred men in the Post Office, and about one hun 
 dred and fifty in the farms. You must do the best 
 you can with the other fifty. We ll shift out of here 
 at once, and you can billet twenty or thirty here. See 
 there is plenty of clean straw. [He leans back in his 
 chair.] Well, that s that! 
 
 CAPTAIN CRANE 
 
 I hope they don t send any fresh troops until we can 
 get some of these on the move. Things are getting 
 a bit congested, Major. 
 
 MAJOR 
 
 Yes, for the moment but as soon as the advance 
 guard get in touch with the enemy, it ll be the old 
 story the same as it was in 1900. The wires will 
 start humming, "Send every man you ve got, at the 
 double and be quick about it." And off we ll pack 
 them like a lot of sardines, till there isn t a man left 
 in the dorp. And then, before we know where we are, 
 the order will come, "Send up the Reserves." And 
 we won t have a man to send them. And we ll remain 
 here and twiddle our thumbs, and wait and wait, and 
 every hour the order from the line will come, "Send 
 the Reserves Where the Demi are the Reserves?" 
 And in turn we shall curse the Transportation Depart 
 ment, who will politely reply, that as soon as fresh 
 troops disembark they, will be despatched without 
 delay. And all the time the plea will come: "For 
 
 [12] 
 
Heaven s sake, send the Reserves" until that one 
 word "Reserves" burns itself into one s very soul 
 until we mutter it in our sleep, until we are afraid to 
 face another day and hear that repeated wounded cry, 
 "Send the Reserves for God s sake send the Re 
 serves." [He stops suddenly, and becomes self-con 
 scious and embarrassed at having spoken his inmost 
 thoughts.] I beg your pardon I I ve no right to be 
 so pessimistic, but I went through it in the last cam 
 paign out here, and it s haunted me ever since. To me, 
 there is nothing more pitiful than a hard-pressed chief 
 calling for his reserves when they can t be sent. 
 [He finishes quietly.] It s like watching a strong man 
 starve to death. 
 
 LIEUTENANT BRETT 
 
 [Cheerfully] 
 Perhaps things will be better this time, sir. 
 
 MAJOR 
 
 I wish I could think so, Brett, but you may be sure 
 the War Office has got both hands full with this 
 colossal undertaking on the French Front. This is 
 only a little picnic compared to that. Of course they ll 
 do their best, but they can t do impossibilities, and 
 when you remember that every man, and most of the 
 equipment has to travel over four thousand miles I 
 wonder we get anything at all. Anyway it takes time. 
 [To CAPTAIN.] What do you think of the new bunch, 
 Crane ? 
 
 CAPTAIN CRANE 
 Pretty good I should think, but raw stuff. 
 
 [13] 
 
LIEUTENANT BRETT 
 And we re deuced short of non-coms. 
 
 MAJOR 
 
 That s also part of the old story. [To CAPTAIN.] Did 
 you notice any men likely for promotion? 
 
 CAPTAIN CRANE 
 
 I ve made a list of a few. [He pulls out his notebook 
 and reads names.] "Sergeant West he s an old 
 campaigner at a pinch we might jump him to a 
 lieutenant. He s quite capable of looking after a 
 platoon. Then there are a couple of Corporals White 
 and Sorners pretty smart boys should make good 
 sergeants. Then there s Private Smith. 
 
 LIEUTENANT BRETT 
 Yes there s Private Smith. 
 
 MAJOR 
 There are about thirty Private Smiths, aren t there? 
 
 LIEUTENANT BRETT 
 
 Yes, sir but they ve all had Smith thrust upon them. 
 There s only one man with sufficient disregard for the 
 original to adopt it out of sheer regard for its 
 euphemism. In other words, "Smith by any other 
 name would smell as sweet." 
 
 CAPTAIN CRANE 
 I think you ve hit it, Brett. 
 
 MAJOR 
 
 I wish you two fellows would be good enough to let 
 me into your secret society. 
 
CAPTAIN CRANE 
 Well, there s a chap here called Smith. 
 
 MAJOR 
 Yes I ve gathered that much. 
 
 CAPTAIN CRANE 
 
 He joined about three months ago and was trans 
 ferred as a raw recruit to the 2nd battalion just before 
 we sailed. The first day he came on parade he seemed 
 to know such a darned lot about it, and looked at Brett 
 in such a queer way when he fumbled his return at the 
 rifle inspection, that Brett got bally self-conscious, and 
 before he d finished he d tangled his platoon in a devil 
 of a mess, and he couldn t get em straight again. 
 
 LIEUTENANT BRETT 
 
 And my sergeant was about as green as I was. I 
 shouted every order at em I knew, and the more I 
 shouted, the more they tied themselves into knots, and 
 all the time this chap Smith looked at me in such a way 
 that I felt I wanted to run away and leave em to it. 
 As I passed him he said to me quietly, "May I suggest, 
 sir Single file, and half sections right; " and some 
 how I couldn t resent it, for I realized he was one of us. 
 
 MAJOR 
 One of you or one of us. [He winks at CAPTAIN-] 
 
 LIEUTENANT BRETT 
 [Continuing cheerfully] 
 
 I mean, sir, that he s held a commission at some time. 
 He s no more Private Smith than I m Lord Roberts. 
 
 [15] 
 
MAJOR 
 
 Do I gather from all this, that you chaps mean that 
 Smith is a likely sort of man to be recommended for 
 a commission? 
 
 LIEUTENANT BRETT 
 
 I do, anyway, sir; and I was talking to Blackstone 
 about him last night. You know he s been through 
 Sandhurst and he says he s sure he met Smith there, 
 and that he was gazetted soon after Blackstone went up. 
 
 CAPTAIN CRANE 
 
 There s no doubt of his having been an officer but 
 I guess there s something fishy about it, and personally 
 I shouldn t like to recommend him just because of 
 that, and because he s a gentleman. 
 
 MAJOR 
 
 I d like to have a look at him anyway. Brett, tell my 
 orderly to bring him over here, will you? [BRETT 
 salutes and goes out.] How are the machine gunners 
 going? 
 
 CAPTAIN CRANE 
 Pretty good, sir. [Enter LIEUTENANT BLACKSTONE.] 
 
 LIEUTENANT BLACKSTONE 
 
 Captain Morrison, Company B, reports two more 
 cases of typhoid, sir. 
 
 MAJOR 
 That s bad. See that they are isolated at once. 
 
 LIEUTENANT BLACKSTONE 
 
 I ve done that, sir I sent them over to the emergency. 
 [He salutes and is about to go out when the MAJOR 
 stops him.] 
 
 [16] 
 
MAJOR 
 
 Oh, by the way, Blackstone, Brett tells me there s a 
 ranker here called Smith. He says that you met him 
 at Sandhurst. Well, you know we re very short of 
 officers, and we are trying to weed out any likely men. 
 What do you know about Smith? 
 
 LIEUTENANT BLACKSTONE 
 
 I don t know anything of "Smith," sir, but I knew 
 a chap called Graylen who might have been Smith s 
 twin brother. He was gazetted to the guards six 
 months after I went up. Didn t know much of him 
 personally except that he was one of the Gray lens 
 of Herefordshire. 
 
 MAJOR 
 Was there a scandal? 
 
 LIEUTENANT BLACKSTONE 
 
 [Hesitates a moment] 
 I really couldn t say, sir. [Enter BRETT.] 
 
 LIEUTENANT BRETT 
 Private Smith s outside, sir shall he come in here? 
 
 MAJOR 
 If you please. 
 
 LIEUTENANT BLACKSTONE 
 
 Will you excuse me, sir? If the poor devil wants to 
 forget he s been a gentleman I ve no wish to stay here 
 and remind him of it. [Salutes and goes out. There s 
 a knock at the door.] 
 
 [17] 
 
MAJOR 
 
 Come in. [SERGEANT enters and salutes smartly, fol 
 lowed by PRIVATE SMITH who also salutes.] No it s 
 not a reprimand, Sergeant. I won t require you. 
 
 SERGEANT 
 Very good, sir. [Exit-] 
 
 MAJOR 
 
 [To PRIVATE SMITH] 
 Your name is [He hesitates.} 
 
 SMITH 
 Smith, sir. 
 
 MAJOR 
 
 Oh yes, I remember. Well, I ll come to the point at 
 once. We are short of N. C. O. s, and officers. It 
 may be necessary to make some field promotions and 
 I have instructions to look out for likely material. 
 Lieutenant Brett has recommended you as being a 
 capable man. I want you to answer some questions. 
 [He stops, looks at him for a moment, and then adds 
 quietly, as if speaking to an equal.] You can answer 
 them as you see fit. I have no desire to be personal. 
 
 SMITH 
 Thank you, sir. 
 
 MAJOR 
 
 First Have you at any time before served in His 
 Majesty s forces. 
 
 SMITH 
 
 Am I compelled to answer that, sir? 
 
 [18] 
 
MAJOR 
 I think you d better. 
 
 SMITH 
 
 [Hesitating a second] 
 No, sir. [BRETT looks as if he is about to explode.] 
 
 MAJOR 
 Is your real name Smith? 
 
 SMITH 
 Yes, sir. 
 
 MAJOR 
 
 I don t think I m making my point quite clear. It 
 has been suggested to me that you went through Sand 
 hurst, and have held a commission. If this is so, I 
 want no details why you are in the ranks. What I 
 want to know is Do you, Private Smith, on your word 
 of honour, consider yourself free and eligible to ac 
 cept a commission in His Majesty s army should 
 opportunity arise? 
 
 SMITH 
 
 I thank you, sir, for the interest you and Lieutenant 
 Brett have taken in me, but for reasons which I would 
 rather not explain, I do not consider myself fit for 
 the trust you suggest placing in me; nor could I 
 under any circumstances avail myself of it. But 
 again, sir, I thank you. 
 
 MAJOR 
 
 You may go Private Smith. [SMITH salutes and 
 goes out.] 
 
 [19] 
 
LIEUTENANT BRETT 
 Well, I m damned! 
 
 MAJOR 
 [Gathering up his papers and putting them into a 
 
 despatch case] 
 
 Well that s the end of the Smith episode, and I fancy 
 the details would be very unpleasant. [To CAPTAIN.] 
 Scratch him off your list. And now we ll go over 
 to the Power House, and take up our new quarters. 
 [There is a tramp of feet outside and a sharp com 
 mand: "Halt!" BRETT goes to the window.] 
 
 LIEUTENANT BRETT 
 It s the bunch to take up this billet, sir. 
 
 MAJOR 
 
 [Moving towards the door] 
 
 All right see everything s ship-shape, Brett, and have 
 this [indicating his despatch case] sent over to me. 
 [Exit MAJOR, followed by the CAPTAIN. SERGEANT 
 knocks at the door and enters.] 
 
 SERGEANT 
 Orders to billet eighteen men in here, sir. 
 
 LIEUTENANT BRETT 
 
 That s right, Sergeant. We ve cleared out all our 
 kit except the Major s box. Have that sent over to 
 the Power House. 
 
 SERGEANT 
 Very good, sir. 
 
 [He salutes and exits. LIEUTENANT BRETT also exits 
 and the stage remains empty for a moment. Then 
 
 [20] 
 
a scuffle of feet and about a dozen privates come 
 noisily into the room. In a moment, the whole 
 place is thrown into confusion, while rifles are 
 being stacked, and accoutrements taken off. There 
 is much good humoured chaff and shouting. The 
 SERGEANT takes the despatch case under his arm, 
 and exits. A CORPORAL enters with a letter bag. He 
 stands at the door and calls out names: {t Hudson 
 Williams Dot Barton." The four named men 
 rush over and take their mail and attempt to read. 
 During this, there is the clatter of men starting a 
 game of cards, cleaning bayonets, and general 
 commotion. ] 
 
 DOT 
 
 [Shouting] 
 
 Shut up ! I m trying to read a letter. [He throws his 
 hat at a man who persistently plays a mouth organ in 
 his ear. After a moment or two things become quieter 
 and he continues reading his letter to SOAPY, who is 
 also endeavouring to read. ] "You ll be glad to ear as 
 I ve kep me word an give im the" now what do you 
 make of that word, Soapy?" 
 
 SOAPY 
 
 Oh, chuck it H m, I m attending to my own corres 
 pondence. 
 
 DOT 
 
 Yes, but it won t take you a minute. Ere you are the 
 fourth line down : "You ll be glad to ear as I ve kep 
 me word an give im the" now what s the blooming 
 
 [21] 
 
word. Looks like "squab," but it ain t wouldn t be 
 any sense, "give im the squab." 
 
 SOAPY 
 Ask the tuppenny toff he ll tell you. 
 
 DOT 
 No blooming fear, I don t want no Gawd-forsaken 
 
 dukes mauling my girl s letters about. 
 
 SOAPY 
 He s all right if you rub him the right way. 
 
 DOT 
 I would like to rub im in an ant hill. 
 
 SOAPY 
 
 He ain t a bad sort if you give him a chance. It ain t 
 his fault if he has been a gentleman. 
 
 DOT 
 
 I suppose it ain t his fault he ain t continued to be one. 
 What s he want here at all ? No good, mooching about 
 all day looking as if he had lost his knitting. Look 
 ere, when we do get into action I hopes they put im 
 and all the other gentlemen rankers over the top first. 
 They would make a nice soft bed for us chaps to flop 
 on. [Turns to men.] Who s got a button stick? 
 [Nobody takes the slightest notice.] Now don t all 
 speak at once. [He finds button stick and begins 
 cleaning buttons, singing, "It s the wrong way to tickle 
 Mary."] 
 
 [22] 
 
SOAPY 
 
 [Who has been looking about] 
 
 Ere where s my socks? They were on that bench 
 a moment ago. You got them, Dot? 
 
 DOT 
 Got what ? 
 
 SOAPY 
 
 My socks. 
 
 DOT 
 
 No don t wear em. 
 
 SOAPY 
 
 Well, somebody swiped em up. I believe you ave 
 got em. Go on, open your shirt. [The two men 
 start a good natured rough and tumble. The others 
 are laughing and urging them on. During this 
 PRIVATE SMITH has entered and sees that DOT and 
 SOAPY are beginning to lose their tempers- He goes 
 over to him.} 
 
 SMITH 
 
 Why not take it easy, you will get all the scrapping 
 you want later on. 
 
 DOT 
 
 [Getting up] 
 
 Course you must stick your nose into it. Perhaps 
 you d like to have a go. A couple of rounds would do 
 you a bit of good, knock some of the starch out of 
 your thin skin. [There s a general laugh from the 
 men.] 
 
 [23] 
 
SMITH 
 
 [Hesitating for a moment and then quietly] 
 That s where you make a mistake, my friend. I am 
 not thin-skinned. [He goes over to the table and be 
 gins to write. DOT follows him.] 
 
 DOT 
 
 Not thin-skinned, ain t yer? Well, what s the matter 
 with you then? Say, boys, the "tuppenny toff" would 
 like to go ome. Frightened he ll get hurt out ere. 
 [SMITH is slowly losing his temper. DOT picks some 
 thing up from the floor.] Here, Soapy, ere s yer 
 socks. 
 
 SOAPY 
 Oh, where was they? 
 
 DOT 
 
 Somebody s been cleaning their boots with them, I 
 should think. [Picks up his letter which he has 
 dropped during the struggle, winks at SOAPY, and goes 
 over to SMITH, who is writing, and continues.] Here, 
 me Lord Duke, what do you make of this ere word 
 ere? Yes, and you don t need pass no rude remarks 
 about the writing. 
 
 SMITH 
 
 [Trying to make out what the word is] 
 It looks to me like "shove." 
 
 DOT 
 
 [Snatching the letter] 
 
 That s it "shove." [Reading aloud.] "You ll be glad 
 to ear as I ve kep me word an give im the shove." 
 
 [24] 
 
I thought it was "squab." [Turning to SMITH.] Now 
 look ere, I don t want you to make no aristocratic 
 jokes about that letter. She may not be a swell 
 writer, but I m fond of that girl. [SMITH takes no 
 notice.] Oh, you can laugh. Of course we ain t good 
 enough for you. Of course we are only a lot of bloom 
 ing Tommies, but if you ve got any respect for your 
 personal beauty you will keep your mouth shut about 
 that letter, or I may do a bit of damage to your figure 
 head. 
 
 SMITH 
 
 [His temper getting the best of him] 
 I wish you would leave me alone, I am trying to write. 
 
 DOT 
 
 Trying to well, don t you know how? Ere, let me 
 guide your and for you. [He makes as if to do so. 
 SMITH jumps up and throws him off.] 
 
 SMITH 
 
 Now look here, I have stood this long enough. You 
 dislike me because I am what you are pleased to call 
 a "Gentleman Ranker." I am not thin-skinned and 
 I am not stuck up. I have no reason to be when it 
 comes to that. I am not as good as the worst of you. 
 You are only "Tommies" you say. Yes, but you have 
 all got some one waiting for you, praying for you. 
 I ve no one, not a single soul, who would care a jot 
 if I got killed tonight. Mind you, I am not complain 
 ing. It s my own fault. I ve forfeited all right to that. 
 Why am I, a gentleman, here in the ranks, you ask? 
 
 [25] 
 
Why? Why, because they won t have me anywhere 
 else. Because it s the only place where a poor devil 
 can get back his self-respect, when he hasn t got the 
 pluck to put a bullet through his head. I haven t the 
 pluck, so I am waiting for a friendly shot from the 
 enemy to buy me out, and set me free. 
 
 SOAPY 
 Yes, but I- 
 
 SMITH 
 
 I don t want your sympathy and I don t want your 
 chaff. If I can t get your friendship, I don t want 
 your hate. Just cut me out, give me the go-bye as the 
 rest of the world has done. That s all I ask, that s all 
 I can expect. [He sits down again at table.] 
 
 DOT 
 
 [Going over to him] 
 
 Sorry if I urt your feelings, mate. We don t mean no 
 arm, only our swank. Ere, ave a bit of baccy." 
 
 SMITH 
 [Smiling] 
 Not just now, thanks. 
 
 DOT 
 Well, come over to the canteen and I ll stand you a pint. 
 
 SMITH 
 [Laughing] 
 Righto, I ll join you later. 
 
 [26] 
 
DOT 
 
 Right you are. Come on, boys. [All the men get up 
 and start following him to door L.] Ere, where s 
 Sloper? [The men push a tall thin private forward.] 
 Oh, there you are ! It s your treat and you don t slope 
 this time, if I have to stand you on your ead and 
 shake the money out of you. 
 
 SLOPER 
 Come on, boys. [ They all go out, laughing and talking. ] 
 
 SOAPY 
 
 [W ho is about to follow the others, stops at door. 
 Takes a tin box out of his pocket and comes over to 
 SMITH, who is again writing.] I ve got a cigar ere, 
 one that was given me in the old country. You can 
 have it if you like. 
 
 SMITH 
 No really, thanks, Soapy. 
 
 SOAPY 
 
 Take it, just to oblige me. [SMITH does so.] I d rather 
 ave a woodbine any day. [Gives SMITH a match.] 
 Do you think there is any chance of us getting into 
 action soon, sir? 
 
 SMITH 
 
 Order may come any minute. They will be hard 
 pressed as soon as they establish a line. 
 
 SOAPY 
 
 They tell me that the old chief, what s in command 
 up there, is a real ard nut. 
 
SMITH 
 [Casually] 
 Oh what s his name? 
 
 SOAPY 
 
 I don t rightly know. I did ear, but I forgot. Still 
 it don t matter much. 
 
 SMITH 
 
 No, nothing matters much. Look here, Soapy, you 
 have been very decent to me and I am going to ask 
 you if you ll do me a favor. When we get into action, 
 if I don t come through, will you drop a line to the 
 lady whose name and address are written here? [He 
 hands SOAPY a sealed envelope.] Just say that D. G. 
 has gone under. She ll know who you mean. 
 
 SOAPY 
 She ll be sorry to hear it, no doubt, sir. 
 
 SMITH 
 
 I don t think so. It might interest her, that s all. 
 Give her a topic of conversation to entertain her 
 friends with. It would be quite a tit-bit for a certain 
 Club I could name. "Dear me," they d say, "and so he s 
 dead. Perhaps it s the best thing that could have hap 
 pened to him. What a fool he was. Couldn t run 
 straight, you know, couldn t keep inside the rails with 
 all the fine prospects that he had. Don t you remember 
 the affair? Broke his father up completely, and his 
 mother" [very quietly] yes his mother. Well, 
 you ll do that for me, Soapy, will you? 
 
 [28] 
 
SOAPY 
 I opes it won t be necessary, sir. 
 
 SMITH 
 
 I wish you wouldn t call me "sir." It reminds me of 
 things I am trying to forget. [A bugle is heard in the 
 distance. There is a lot of shouting and general com 
 motion outside. DOT rushes in, followed by the men. ] 
 
 DOT 
 It s come, it s come! 
 
 SOAPY 
 What has come? 
 
 DOT 
 
 Orders for the firing line ! We have got to get out at 
 
 the double! 
 
 [During this, there is a great commotion at the back. 
 The men putting on their belts, water bottles, etc. 
 As each one gets his kit together he snatches a rifle 
 from the rack and goes out. DOT and SMITH are 
 left alone on the stage. DOT rushes to door, getting 
 his rifle.] 
 
 DOT 
 
 Hurry up, sir, if you want to be numbered in the 
 
 first roll call. 
 
 SMITH 
 
 I do. I want to be numbered in the roll call where a 
 
 man may be judged, not by what he has been, but by 
 
 what he is. [He snatches his rifle. Exit. The stage 
 
 and the market square are left empty for a moment. 
 
 In the distance can be heard the marching of feet and 
 
 [29] 
 
the regimental band. The MAJOR and LIEUTENANT 
 BRETT walk across the square. They hesitate for a 
 moment at the window.] 
 
 LIEUTENANT BRETT 
 
 By Gad, sir, we got that lot on the move quickly. What 
 do we do when they have gone? 
 
 MAJOR 
 
 Oh, then we ll wait for the Reserves! 
 
 [ They pass on. The stage is again empty. In the dis 
 tance the band can be heard to strike up the strain 
 of "It s a Long Way to Tipperary." The Troops 
 take it up as they swing into line, and as they get 
 further into the distance, above the tramping of feet, 
 faintly the words can be heard, 
 
 It s a long way to German South West, 
 
 It s a long way to go, 
 
 It s a long way to German South West, where the dust and 
 
 diamonds grow, 
 
 Good-bye, dear old Cape Town, Farewell, Leicester square, 
 It s a long, long way to German South West, 
 But we ll get right there. 
 
 It dies away in the distance as the curtain slowly falls.] 
 
 SCENE II 
 
 A part of the Veldt, showing a vast expansion of fiat 
 country, with kopjes in the distance. A small 
 emergency tent, as protection from the sun, has been 
 rigged up on the Left. At the opening of the scene, 
 two nurses are seen helping a wounded soldier 
 
 [30] 
 
across the stage. They are followed by two Red 
 Cross stretcher bearers carrying a soldier on a 
 stretcher. DOT and SOAPY enter from Left. They 
 are in full kit and carry their rifles slung over their 
 shoulders. As they pass the stretcher, SOAPY looks 
 at the face of the man lying in it. He takes off his 
 helmet. DOT looks and does likewise, and the 
 stretcher passes on. 
 
 SOAPY 
 Did you see who that was? 
 
 DOT 
 Who? 
 
 SOAPY 
 Sloper. 
 
 DOT 
 What? You don t mean our old Sloper. 
 
 SOAPY 
 
 Yes, I guess he got it in the neck doing his bit at the 
 Devil s Pass. There ain t a bloke done duty at that 
 pass what ain t come back plugged. [He looks at 
 DOT S face.] Cut you up a bit, ain t it? 
 
 DOT 
 Yus, things is pretty rotten all round, ain t they? 
 
 SOAPY 
 We ll be all right when they get s through to relieve us. 
 
 DOT 
 
 Yes, but are they coming? It s only a bloomin chance. 
 I card the old man talking last night. He was trying 
 
to kid the others as ard as he could, but I could see, 
 and so could they, he didn t really believe it isself. 
 We ve been left ere to separate the German and Dutch 
 forces. We re a forlorn hope, mate, and none of us ll 
 ever see the sea again, I ll bet. 
 
 SOAPY 
 
 Well, if it s good enough for the officers, it s good 
 enough for me. Ain t the old man and the others good 
 sports, working like blooming orses and yet they re 
 as cheerful as crickets. 
 
 DOT 
 All except the Tike. 
 
 SOAPY 
 Who is he? 
 
 DOT 
 Lieutenant Harford. 
 
 SOAPY 
 
 Arford, oh, im ! I don t look upon im as an officer 
 at all. He always reminds me of a blooming rabbit 
 when the guns start to play a tune. But the others 
 are toffs. Lieutenant Arford is fit to batman for em. 
 
 DOT 
 
 Yer right. He ought to be in Lockharts with a lemon 
 in his mouth. [With a far-away smile.] We ll all 
 be dead as pork soon. 
 
 SOAPY 
 
 You re a cheerful bloke, ain t you? What s the matter 
 with you today? 
 
 [32] 
 
DOT 
 
 Well, I need a smoke, and I m always down- earted 
 when I need a smoke. [Enter COLONEL GRAYLEN, 
 accompanied by two orderlies. DOT and SOAPY salute.] 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 What are you men doing here? 
 
 SOAPY 
 
 [Very sheepishly] 
 Nothing, sir. 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 Well, go back. Take all the rest you can. You ll be in 
 action again before day-break. [He turns and gives 
 instructions to orderlies.} 
 
 DOT 
 
 [Whispering to SOAPY] 
 I shouldn t like to tread on his corns. 
 
 SOAPY 
 How do yer know he s got any? 
 
 DOT 
 
 Must ave. All officers as corns. Colonels as the 
 biggest, and when they gets to Generals they ave 
 bunions with corns inside of em. [Enter LIEUTENANT 
 HARFORD. He returns DOT S and SOAPY S salute, 
 and they go out.} 
 
 LIEUTENANT HARFORD 
 
 [To COLONEL] 
 
 Captain Wentworth, Company B, wants to know if 
 he shall detail men, or call for volunteers for the pass 
 tonight? He s having difficulty there. 
 
 [33] 
 
COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 Yes, it s very extraordinary. Some of the men have 
 been killed there in the most mysterious manner, and 
 it s always at night, and yet the listening posts hear 
 nothing, and it s well within our boundary. I scarcely 
 like to say it, because I know it s absurd, but it looks 
 like the work of some-one inside our lines. 
 
 LIEUTENANT HARFORD 
 What makes you think that? 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 The pass, or the Devil s Pass, as the men call it, is, as 
 you know, a gap between the two mountains, and is 
 so small that only one man can pass through it at a 
 time. It is our strongest position. [He looks round as 
 if afraid of being heard, and continues in a low tense 
 voice.] I tell you, Harford, things are getting des 
 perate. 
 
 LIEUTENANT HARFORD 
 
 Yes, sir, and the difficulty now is to get a man who ll 
 stick to his post. 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 Oh, come, Harford, it s not as bad as that surely. 
 
 [Enter VIOLET LEE. She is a Red Cross nurse. Looks 
 very tired and nervous. While she is talking she 
 is continually rolling bandages and gives one the 
 impression that she feels she must be doing some 
 thing.} 
 
 [34] 
 
VIOLET 
 
 [To COLONEL] 
 
 Can t something be done for the men? They are 
 almost starving. 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 Now, dear, it s all right. We are doing all we can, 
 you especially; believe me, you must take some rest. 
 
 VIOLET 
 
 How can I rest when I see all this going on round me? 
 And it s worse since the river was poisoned. We 
 simply can t go on like this. 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 [With forced cheerfulness] 
 Wait till the relief gets through. 
 
 VIOLET 
 It will never get through in time. 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 [Severely] 
 Never let the men hear you speak like that. 
 
 VIOLET 
 
 They know it as well as we do. Can t something be 
 done? There s only one bottle of brandy left in the 
 hospital. 
 
 LIEUTENANT HARFORD 
 
 That s better than I thought. I understood the last 
 was finished two or three days ago. 
 
 VIOLET 
 
 Not quite the last. Some one told me you had two, 
 so I commandeered them. 
 
 [35] 
 
LIEUTENANT HARFORD 
 
 [Uneasily] 
 But really I 
 
 VIOLET 
 
 Yes, stole them. Rummaged your kit until I found 
 them. 
 
 LIEUTENANT HARFORD 
 
 [A little annoyed] 
 But really my own brandy given to the men! 
 
 VIOLET 
 
 Yours! It s His Majesty s brandy for His Majesty s 
 army. 
 
 LIEUTENANT HARFORD 
 
 You allow your sympathy to carry you just a little 
 too far. After all, there is some difference between 
 the men and myself. 
 
 VIOLET 
 [Pointedly] 
 
 Yes, and on some occasions a very noticeable differ 
 ence. I am very sorry I cannot return the brandy I 
 stole, but I shall be obliged if you would return the 
 locket you stole from me. 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 Violet, please. 
 
 VIOLET 
 
 So he did. He stole it, for what he calls a keep 
 sake. Well, I want it. I value it. It was the last 
 thing Dick gave me. 
 
 [36] 
 
COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 I have repeatedly asked you not to mention his name 
 to me. 
 
 VIOLET 
 He is your son. 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 He was, but he is as dead to me as though he had 
 never lived. 
 
 VIOLET 
 [Soothingly] 
 
 No, dear, you don t really mean that you couldn t. 
 He is your son, the son of your dead wife. 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 He s dead too. 
 
 VIOLET 
 Yet you would forgive him as she would have done. 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 Never. 
 
 VIOLET 
 I wonder where he is now? 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 Heaven knows! Gone under, I expect. [Dismissing 
 the subject.] Harford, what report did the new ob 
 servation post make? 
 
 LIEUTENANT HARFORD 
 
 Nothing fresh, sir. They are still bringing up the 
 reinforcements. They ve been at it for days. 
 
 [37] 
 
COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 Double the out-post tonight. They won t hold off the 
 attack much longer and I think [Enter CAPTAIN 
 WENTWORTH. They salute each other.] 
 
 CAPTAIN WENTWORTH 
 
 [To COLONEL] 
 
 Ammunition pretty short, sir. Shall I reduce the 
 rounds again? 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 It would be as well. It must also be impressed on the 
 men to hold their fire. We ll need every cartridge 
 soon, or I am very much mistaken. 
 
 CAPTAIN WENTWORTH 
 Very good, sir. 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 Didn t you suggest calling volunteers for the pass? 
 
 CAPTAIN WENTWORTH 
 Yes, sir, I took the liberty of doing so, sir. 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 Was that necessary? Don t you think they can be 
 trusted to stick to their posts? 
 
 CAPTAIN WENTWORTH 
 
 Yes, sir of course but well, they are all a bit ner 
 vous and sick, and they are as superstitious as a lot of 
 school girls, and well the place hasn t got a healthy 
 reputation. 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 Did they volunteer? 
 
 [38] 
 
CAPTAIN WENTWORTH 
 
 Why, yes, the whole lot, and I picked out a likely man, 
 Private Smith trustworthy, I should imagine, and 
 superior. 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 Send him to me. I would like to speak to him, myself. 
 [WENTWORTH salutes and goes out R. with HARFORD. 
 COLONEL crosses towards tent, hesitates at entrance 
 a moment, then quietly.} Violet, do you really dislike 
 Harford? 
 
 VIOLET 
 Intensely. 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 [Gravely} 
 I am very sorry. I had hoped one day that that 
 
 VIOLET 
 We should marry? 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 It would have made me very happy, and I think your 
 father would have wished it. When your father died, 
 two days before you arrived in India, I promised him 
 that you would always receive from me the same 
 care and affection as if you were my own daughter. 
 The affection you quickly won in your own right, and 
 when you became engaged to my my son [he looks 
 away as he says the word] it was the great wish of my 
 life materialized, because I saw, or thought I saw, your 
 future happiness assured, and because I loved you 
 both. [He changes his tone.] But when he chose 
 to become a common thief and passed out of our lives, 
 
 [39] 
 
I realized I was much older than I had imagined, that 
 that I might not always be here to guide you, and I 
 wanted to see you happily married. First, because I 
 love you ; second, because of the pledge to my old chief. 
 
 VIOLET 
 You have more than kept that, dear. 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 When the trouble came when he made my name 
 an unpleasant by-word through the whole country 
 when the Sunday press had the audacity to publish 
 my photo as the father of Lieutenant Graylen of the 
 Guards, who was wanted on a charge of forgery and 
 who had fled the country, when 
 
 VIOLET 
 
 Don t, dear, don t, you only hurt yourself by recalling 
 it. [Almost to herself.] He must have had a reason. 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 A reason yes he played cards and backed horses 
 [bitterly] a splendid reason only he wasn t a million 
 aire, so couldn t keep it up, and found he could write 
 my signature better than his own I would rather a 
 hundred times have become a pauper than the bank 
 should have found it out. 
 
 VIOLET 
 I know, dear, I know 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 Just after that Harford began paying you marked at 
 tentions. Attentions which I thought did not appear 
 unwelcome to you. 
 
 [40] 
 
VIOLET 
 
 They were unwelcome, but I had my pride I couldn t 
 bear to let people see just how much I was hurt. 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 I didn t realize that, and when you begged me to use 
 my influence to get you out here as a nurse, I had 
 an idea that you wished to be near Harford, and I 
 had grown much attached to him myself but I see 
 now it is not to be. [With a smile.] Why, you quarrel 
 like a couple of school children. [There is a chal 
 lenge heard off: "Halt Who goes there?" Pause 
 "Pass, friend, all s well.] Ah, the volunteer for the 
 pass I should like to get at the bottom of this mys 
 tery. [HARFORD enters and stands by VIOLET. PRIVATE 
 SMITH enters and marches up to COLONEL GRAYLEN. 
 They are about to salute each other, when the mutual 
 recognition of both occurs simultaneously.] 
 
 SMITH 
 
 Dad! [He recovers himself, coming stiffly to the 
 salute. ] Sir 
 
 VIOLET 
 
 [Almost inaudible.] 
 Dick! [There is a moment s silence.] 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 So, sir, not content with having brought disgrace upon 
 your family, not content with breaking and evading 
 the law, you now see fit to disgrace for the second 
 time His Majesty s service by your presence here in 
 the ranks. 
 
 [41] 
 
SMITH 
 
 I have no answer to what you say, sir, except that I 
 have yet to disgrace myself in the ranks. 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 You ll do that quickly enough. [ VIOLET makes a 
 move.] Where are you going, Violet? 
 
 VIOLET 
 I am going to shake hands with Private Smith. 
 
 LIEUTENANT HARFORD 
 Really, Miss Lee. 
 
 VIOLET 
 Will you oblige me by minding your own business? 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 I forbid it. 
 
 VIOLET 
 
 I am sorry to disobey orders, but I am afraid it can t 
 be helped. [She shakes hands with SMITH, then says 
 simply and quietly.] I just wanted to say that I am 
 glad to see you here in the ranks it it will help you 
 to get back your self-respect. 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 [Grimly] 
 
 He never had any. [HARFORD smiles. SMITH is about 
 to make some retort, but thinks better of it and re 
 mains at attention. VIOLET gives the COLONEL and 
 HARFORD a quick look of reproach, turns quickly and 
 goes out.] 
 
 [42] 
 
COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 I take it your volunteering for this duty is a direct 
 insult to me. 
 
 SMITH 
 No, sir I was hoping we should never meet again. 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 So was I. 
 
 SMITH 
 I had no wish to cause you further pain. 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 Pain it s a matter of indifference to me you shall 
 stand by your offer and do sentry duty tonight at the 
 Devil s Pass. 
 
 SMITH 
 Thank you, sir. 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 It is my duty to warn you that certain men have been 
 killed there in an unusual manner, apparently by a 
 blow on the head, but I have doubled the out-posts, 
 and I see no danger if you can be trusted to stick to 
 your post. You may go. 
 
 SMITH 
 Thank you, sir. [He is about to go.] 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 And if we are fortunate enough to get out of this 
 alive I will have you transferred. If it were not for 
 your mother s memory I would hand you over to the 
 police. 
 
 [43] 
 
SMITH 
 
 I understand how you feel, sir. It is useless for me 
 to say I am sorry, but I want you to know I would 
 give my life s blood to undo the past. 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 You may go. [SMITH salutes, right-about-turns, and 
 marches Right. HARFORD stops him.] 
 
 LIEUTENANT HARFORD 
 
 I haven t forgotten your insults to me, Graylen, and 
 I shall take the first opportunity of settling the account. 
 
 SMITH 
 
 If I am ever again fortunate enough to meet you on an 
 equality when you cannot have me court-martialed 
 nothing will give me greater pleasure than to give you 
 a taste of what I ve learned from the boys in the ranks. 
 I can t call it fancy work, but about five minutes of it 
 would put you out of action quicker than anything 
 I know. [He salutes. Exit. HARFORD looks about 
 ready to explode with temper. He turns quickly to 
 the COLONEL, who has been silently watching his son.] 
 
 LIEUTENANT HARFORD 
 Did yoU hear that, sir? 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 I did and damn me, he d do it too ! 
 
 LIEUTENANT HARFORD 
 
 But it s rank insubordination. What shall we do 
 about it, sir? 
 
 [44] 
 
COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 I don t think we can do anything. There is no satis 
 faction in kicking a man when he s down. 
 
 LIEUTENANT HARFORD 
 
 If I may be allowed to say so, sir, I think you are 
 far too lenient with him. 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 [Eyeing him curiously] 
 You think so, Harford? 
 
 LIEUTENANT HARFORD 
 He never showed you any consideration. 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 [IV ho does not appear to have heard the last remark] 
 What name does he call himself? 
 
 LIEUTENANT HARFORD 
 Oh, Smith, I think. 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 [Unconsciously speaking his thoughts aloud] 
 Gad, but I am glad to see him here in the ranks. 
 
 LIEUTENANT HARFORD 
 
 Yes, but he ll impose upon it. He knows you don t 
 want a scandal, and he ll either trade on that, or else 
 he ll boast about it to all the men that his father is the 
 officer in command. Of course you can t have him 
 sent to the base, because we are surrounded but I 
 really think something should be done. Why, it isn t 
 fair to Violet that he should roam about at large. His 
 
 [45] 
 
very presence must be an awful embarrassment to her. 
 Don t you think it would be better to place him under 
 arrest on on some technical charge? [The COLONEL 
 does not answer him. During all the last speech he 
 has been looking off Right, apparently deep in thought. 
 Since the meeting with his son, he appears to have 
 aged, and when he speaks his tone is less aggressive.] 
 
 LIEUTENANT HARFORD 
 
 [Louder] 
 Don t you think so, sir? 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 [Realizing, with a start, that he is being addressed] 
 I beg your pardon. I I was thinking. 
 
 LIEUTENANT HARFORD 
 
 Oh, of course, sir, I understand you were wondering 
 what infernal fate sent you and Graylen to this God 
 forsaken hole of all places. 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 [Quietly] 
 
 No. I I was wondering what fate sent Private 
 Smith. 
 
 CURTAIN 
 
 SCENE III 
 
 It is at the foot of a typical African mountain. Typ 
 ical, except for the fact that there is a pass or gap 
 running through the centre of the mountain, which 
 
 [46] 
 
is only large enough to permit one man or horse to 
 pass through it at a time. It is an ideal natural fort 
 ress. A few men commanding the mouth might 
 easily keep a whole army at bay. There are several 
 large boulders near the pass, and a particularly large 
 one flush with the mountain on the Left. It is a 
 bright star-lit night and the moon gives the pass a 
 curiously steely blue appearance. At the rise of the 
 curtain, the solitary figure of PRIVATE SMITH is 
 seen standing with fixed bayonet, looking down the 
 pass with his back to the audience. For a moment 
 there is silence, then the stillness is broken by the 
 sharp crack of rifle fire in the distance, and a bugle 
 is faintly heard then again silence. PRIVATE 
 SMITH commences to pace a few yards to the right 
 and then to the left, but always with his eyes on the 
 pass. He pauses and listens intently a faint tap 
 ping sound can be heard it is hard to locate SMITH 
 puts his ear to the ground near the large boulder, 
 left, and listens. In a few moments the noise ceases 
 and he resumes his pacing with a puzzled expression 
 on his face. There is a sharp snap of a twig and a 
 light foot-step is heard from the left. Instantly his 
 rifle is pointed in that direction and the challenge 
 rings out 
 
 SMITH 
 Halt! Who goes there? 
 
 VIOLET 
 
 If you promise not to shoot, I ll tell you. [She comes 
 towards him and he lowers his rifle.] 
 
 (47] 
 
SMITH 
 
 Violet, what are you doing here? Go back Go back, 
 this is madness you ll get killed for heaven s sake 
 go back at once ! 
 
 VIOLET 
 
 I had to come. For two years I ve longed to see you, 
 to hear the whole truth. I have at least the right to 
 an explanation. 
 
 SMITH 
 
 Yes, dear yes. I will tell you everything tomorrow, 
 but go back now. 
 
 VIOLET 
 If there is so much danger, tomorrow may be too late. 
 
 SMITH 
 
 No, dear, no if only you will go back everything 
 will be all right. 
 
 VIOLET 
 Why didn t you write to me? 
 
 SMITH 
 
 I was too much ashamed, I had humiliated you enough, 
 please go back, dear. 
 
 VIOLET 
 
 [Not attempting to move] 
 You humiliated me more by never sending a word. 
 
 SMITH 
 
 I tried to write a hundred times, but what could I 
 say? I couldn t say it was a moment s folly, every 
 man says that when he has behaved like a blackguard 
 I couldn t hope for forgiveness, I could only hope you 
 would soon forget. 
 
 [48] 
 
VIOLET 
 
 [Quietly] 
 
 Do you think women forget so easily? [He doesn t 
 reply, and there is silence for a moment. She looks 
 up into his face and says earnestly.] Dick, why did 
 you do it? 
 
 SMITH 
 
 Why ? Why, because I was a contemptible, weak fool. 
 Even my love for you wasn t strong enough to make 
 me give up the empty, shallow things of life. When 
 the other fellows in the Regiment used to bet in thous 
 ands I tried to keep up with them my allowance 
 wouldn t stand it I got into debt. I owed Harford 
 quite a tidy sum of money. One night I heard him 
 say to Major Towns that he thought I never intended 
 to pay that he was beginning to look upon it as a 
 gift. When I heard that my blood boiled I can t tell 
 you how I felt I really think I did go mad. I I 
 always disliked Harford and I felt I would rather die 
 than be under an obligation to him for another hour 
 I signed my father s name to a cheque. Then I paid 
 Harford back the money I owed him, in the presence 
 of the entire Mess. I was so mad, I insisted he should 
 take interest I insulted him in every way I could, 
 until I was sent to my quarters by the C. O. I can t 
 tell you what I went through that night. I began to 
 realize what it would mean to you and Dad. Next 
 morning the C. O. suggested that I should ask for 
 leave of absence pending an inquiry into my ungentle- 
 manly conduct of the night before. For three days 
 I suffered the tortures of Hades my one thought was 
 
 [49] 
 
to save you and Dad the shame of it. I d have put a 
 bullet through my head, but when I thought of you 
 both, I hadn t the pluck. I tried everywhere to raise 
 the money. At last I succeeded, but I was a few hours 
 too late. The bank had found it out, and well, you 
 know the rest. [VIOLET turns her head away, so that 
 he shall not see the tears in her eyes.] I am telling 
 you all this, not to excuse myself, because there is no 
 excuse but because you have a right to know, and I 
 wanted you to see it, if you could, from my point of 
 view. I can t expect your forgiveness, I can t even 
 hope that you will understand. 
 
 VIOLET 
 Yet love understands many things. 
 
 SMITH 
 
 Violet, do you mean that that? [He looks eagerly 
 at her.] That you could still find it in your heart to 
 forgive me? 
 
 VIOLET 
 
 [Looking straight ahead] 
 
 I I think so if you asked me. [He takes her quickly 
 into his arms and kisses her there is a sound of 
 marching feet they spring quickly apart.] 
 
 SMITH 
 
 Quick, dear the Relief Sentry they mustn t see you. 
 Turn sharp to the left and follow the oxen track until 
 you get to the dressing station, then straight through 
 to the line. 
 
VIOLET 
 
 [Hurrying left] 
 Until tomorrow then. 
 
 SMITH 
 Until tomorrow. 
 
 [Exit VIOLET. SMITH remains at the mouth of the pass 
 with his rifle at the slope. As the marching of feet 
 comes nearer he brings his rifle to the challenge. 
 Six men march towards the pass in double file. They 
 are in charge of DOT, who is acting as Temporary 
 Corporal. 
 
 DOT 
 
 Halt! [The men do so.] 
 
 SMITH 
 Who goes there? 
 
 DOT 
 Picket Company B. 
 
 SMITH 
 
 Advance one and give the counter sign. [DoT ad 
 vances to SMITH and gives the password in a whisper. 
 SMITH again brings his rifle to the slope.] All s well. 
 
 DOT 
 
 [To Picket] 
 
 Stand at ease. [The men bring their rifles down with 
 a sharp click, then lean on them in various attitudes 
 of tiredness. DOT looking them over with the keen 
 eye of a newly made N. C.] I said, Stand at ease 
 not sit. [To SMITH.] Look at em, like a lot of 
 bloomin cab orses. 
 
ONE OF THE MEN 
 
 [Good humor edly] 
 Bit tired, Corporal. 
 
 DOT 
 
 Which bit? [Smiling.] Tired, me lad. Why, you had 
 a good sleep the day before yesterday. [To SMITH.] 
 Anything to report, sentry? 
 
 SMITH 
 Yes, Corporal. 
 
 DOT 
 
 Well, let s ear it quickly, me lad, or [indicating 
 picket] the cab orses will be starting in on their 
 beauty sleep. 
 
 SMITH 
 Can I report to you alone, Corporal? 
 
 DOT 
 
 Ain t I getting exclusive " Shun!" [The men come 
 smartly to attention, all sign of fatigue apparently 
 vanishing they are once more part of a war ma 
 chine.] "Section r r right!" [The men fall into 
 single file.] Wait for me at the foot of Sixteen 
 "quick, march!" [The men march out through the 
 gap.] Now, me lad, what is it? 
 
 SMITH 
 What s the time, Corporal? 
 
 DOT 
 
 [Looking at watch] 
 
 Five to twelve ; but you don t mean to tell me that you 
 parted me from my pet lambs to ask me the time? 
 
 [52] 
 
SMITH 
 
 Five minutes from now I am to be relieved. I have 
 been here since eight, during that time I think I ve 
 discovered something. You know several sentries have 
 been killed here in a mysterious manner well, if you 
 will do as I ask, I think we can clear up the mystery. 
 In a few minutes I shall be relieved and marched back 
 to the line well, I don t want to be marched back to 
 the line, I want to remain right here. 
 
 DOT 
 
 What s the game? 
 
 SMITH 
 
 Will you let one of the pickets take my place? He ll 
 be relieved in a few minutes any one of them will 
 be glad to do it and get a night s rest. 
 
 DOT 
 
 And you want to come along with me in the Picket? 
 
 SMITH 
 
 No, I want to stay right here and work on my own. 
 [Quickly.] There s no time to tell you any more now. 
 Will you do it? I know it s breaking regulations, but 
 you may be doing your country a service will you 
 do it? 
 
 DOT 
 If I got copped, the old man ll eat me alive. 
 
 SMITH 
 
 Wouldn t you like to know how "Sloper" was put out? 
 Quick, there isn t a moment to lose will you do it? 
 
 [53] 
 
DOT 
 
 If you think there s a chance of plugging the bloke 
 wot did poor old Sloper in sure, I am with you. [He 
 holds out his hand to SMITH, who shakes it.] 
 
 SMITH 
 
 Quick, get your man. 
 
 DOT 
 
 Half a jiffy, I ll have him back here in two shakes. 
 
 [He rushes off and SMITH is again alone at the mouth 
 of the pass. He examines his rifle carefully to make 
 sure it s in good working order, and takes a quick 
 glance to the right from whence he expects the re 
 lief. He sees no one, remains still for a few moments. 
 Then the faint tapping sound begins again, this time 
 a little louder, and he goes quickly to the big boulder 
 and listens. The sound grows louder still. He makes 
 a quick examination of the boulder, then his eyes 
 catch sight of a small shining object on the ground. 
 He picks it up and takes it to the mouth of the pass, 
 where the light is stronger. He examines it a 
 moment, then puts it quickly into his pocket. As he 
 does so DOT, followed by another man, hurries in.] 
 
 DOT 
 
 Have we made it in time? E ll do it for yer. [In 
 dicating other man.] E s so grateful, probably want 
 to adopt you afterwards. [SMITH takes the object 
 which he has picked up out of his pocket and shows 
 it to DOT.] 
 
 SMITH 
 What do you make of that? 
 
 [54] 
 
DOT 
 
 [He takes it] 
 Why, it s a button off a German tunic. 
 
 SMITH 
 
 Exactly. Now I want to break another regulation. 
 Instead of going on your round, stay at the foot of the 
 hill for half an hour, and if you hear a rifle shot bring 
 your picket back here at the double. Do you under 
 stand? 
 
 DOT 
 Ere, I ain t quite on to this yet. 
 
 SMITH 
 
 I ve no time to explain now. Quick, here s the relief. 
 
 [To the other soldier.] All you got to do is to stand 
 
 here and take your relief and keep your mouth shut 
 
 when you get back. 
 
 THE MAN 
 
 Right you are, mate. 
 
 [There is a sound of marching Right, and SMITH 
 hurries DOT off, leaving soldier in his late position 
 at the mouth of pass. The sound of marching gets 
 nearer, and the RELIEF SENTRY marches on in 
 charge of a SERGEANT.] 
 
 SERGEANT 
 
 Halt! 
 
 [The formality of changing guard takes place and the 
 SERGEANT marches off his men in the direction from 
 which they came, leaving a new man at the mouth 
 of the pass, who proceeds to pace up and down. A 
 tapping sound is again heard, this time quite loud. 
 
 [55] 
 
After a moment the SENTRY hears it, then looks 
 about him nervously. At that moment there is the 
 sound of a sudden foot-step from the left and 
 LIEUTENANT HARFORD enters. SENTRY points rifle 
 and challenges.} 
 
 SENTRY 
 
 Advance one and give the counter sign. [HARFORD 
 steps up to the point of his bayonet and gives the 
 pass-word. ] 
 
 SENTRY 
 All s well. 
 
 LIEUTENANT HARFORD 
 Anything to report, sentry? 
 
 SENTRY 
 
 I don t rightly know, sir ; I ve only been on duty about 
 a minute, but I think I card a sound like shovelling. 
 
 LIEUTENANT HARFORD 
 Where from? 
 
 SENTRY 
 
 Sounded as if it came from the ground, sir some 
 where over there. [Pointing to boulder, left.] 
 
 LIEUTENANT HARFORD 
 
 Letting your imagination run away with you? Any 
 way, let s have a look. [He walks left to boulder; 
 examines it.] I don t see anything unusual here. 
 
 SENTRY 
 
 No, I didn t see anything, sir, but I thought I heard a 
 noise just over ere somewhere. [He goes over and 
 bends down. As quick as a flash HARFORD brings the 
 
 [56] 
 
butt of his revolver down on the back of his head. 
 With a moan the man sinks to the ground insensible. 
 HARFORD consults his watch then drags the man, 
 Right, away from front of boulder and with butt end 
 of his revolver taps the rock sharply seven times. 
 There is a pause, then the boulder slowly revolves, 
 showing the mouth of a dark tunnel running through 
 mountain. Three men in German uniform quickly 
 spring from the darkness. One is an officer CAPTAIN 
 LEHMAN. He goes up to LIEUTENANT HARFORD. 
 They salute.] 
 
 CAPTAIN LEHMAN 
 Ich gruesse Sie, Herr Lieutenant. 
 
 LIEUTENANT HARFORD 
 Gruesse, Herr Hauptman. 
 
 CAPTAIN LEHMAN 
 You are punctual, my friend. You had no trouble 
 
 with the sentry? 
 
 LIEUTENANT HARFORD 
 
 Not much. [He points to the insensible form of the 
 sentry, Right.] What are the orders, Herr Captain? 
 
 CAPTAIN LEHMAN 
 
 Der Herr Oberst commands me to inform you that 
 the attack must take place tonight. There is a British 
 relief force less than a hundred miles away and the 
 tunnel is now complete. If we can use it undisturbed 
 for a few hours we can pour in sufficient troops to 
 take and hold these positions. Reinforcements can 
 come through both the pass and the tunnel. We have 
 
 [57] 
 
troops already massed on our side of the tunnel. If 
 all is well here we can begin operations at once. 
 
 LIEUTENANT HARFORD 
 
 All is ready here, Herr Captain. The sooner we teach 
 these English swine a lesson the better. I spent ten 
 years of my life among the pig-headed officers of the 
 British army, but it was worth it for the cause of the 
 "Fatherland." I cannot tell you how grateful I am to 
 know that before sun rise tomorrow I shall again be 
 among my own people. 
 
 CAPTAIN LEHMAN 
 
 You have done well. There is no time to be lost. I 
 will hasten to inform my Herr Oberst. One moment 
 [He takes a powerful flash lamp from one of his men 
 and gives it to LIEUTENANT HARFORD. While he is 
 doing this the form of PRIVATE SMITH is seen creeping 
 towards boulder, Right. He reaches its shelter un 
 observed by the Germans.] Take this and when all 
 is ready flash "Dash two dots" as usual. In a 
 few minutes the troops will be through the tunnel and 
 our work will have begun. [He moves as if to re-enter 
 the tunnel, followed by the men.] 
 
 LIEUTENANT HARFORD 
 
 [Stopping him] 
 
 Everything is ready now, except for the fact that the 
 Colonel himself is making the inspection of the out 
 posts. He is bound to come here, as he naturally can 
 not understand the deaths of the sentries so far inside 
 the lines. What if his escort should arrive before we 
 are ready? 
 
 [58] 
 
CAPTAIN LEHMAN 
 They are numbered how many? 
 
 LIEUTENANT HARFORD 
 Oh, not more than six but it might be very awkward. 
 
 CAPTAIN LEHMAN 
 
 In that case I will leave my orderlies with you. Three 
 of you, with good cover and taking them by surprise, 
 should be able to account for them easily. [To German 
 soldiers.] Wartet hier mit Herren Lieutenant Har- 
 ford und folgt seinen Befehlen. [He salutes LIEU 
 TENANT HARFORD.] Auf Wiedersehen. 
 
 LIEUTENANT HARFORD 
 
 Auf Wiedersehen, Captain. 
 
 [The CAPTAIN disappears through the mouth of the 
 tunnel. HARFORD indicates to the men to put the 
 boulder back into position. They salute and do so. 
 HARFORD places one man Right and the other Left, 
 then consults his watch again. Goes to the mouth 
 of the pass and with the flash light is just about to 
 give the signal, when SMITH S two hands shoot out 
 from the side of the boulder, grasp him by the 
 ankles, and with a quick jerk HARFORD S legs are 
 pulled from under him. He lands heavily on his 
 face. In a moment SMITH is kneeling on his back 
 and his rifle rings out. The German Left falls, shot. 
 The German Right fires hastily at SMITH ; not wait 
 ing to take aim his bullet misses its mark. Before 
 he can again fire DOT and the picket rush in and a 
 couple of bayonets are placed against his back and 
 
 [59] 
 
he drops his rifle and throws up his hands in sur 
 render. ] 
 
 DOT 
 
 [To GERMAN] 
 
 There s a good boy do as yer mother tells yer. 
 [During this SMITH has taken HARFORD S revolver and 
 sword from him and allowed him to rise.] 
 
 SMITH 
 
 So you are a spy, are you? [Two of the men go to 
 the fallen sentry who begins to show signs of life and 
 place him in a sitting position on boulder, Right.} 
 
 DOT 
 
 [Excitedly] 
 
 We see d it all. Didn t fancy leaving you alone so 
 we sneaked round back the other way ; then we riggled 
 up ere on our tummies just behind you and waits. 
 They was all for rushing in but I knows you ad 
 some little game, so I made them wait but when we 
 see d little Fritzie ere getting nasty with is pop-gun 
 we ops in and joins the party. [Looking at HAR- 
 FORD.] Ain t you a parlor snake? 
 
 SMITH 
 Good man, Dot you saved my life. 
 
 LIEUTENANT HARFORD 
 
 Why the Devil don t you put a bullet in me and get 
 it over. 
 
 DOT 
 
 Because we like your ciety. You don t know how 
 funny yer look. 
 
 [60] 
 
ONE OF THE MEN 
 
 The old man and his escort coming along the track. 
 [HARFORD makes a start forward. SMITH covers him 
 with a revolver.] 
 
 SMITH 
 
 Stay right where you are, you are going to see this 
 through. 
 
 DOT 
 [Who at the very mention of the COLONEL S name loses 
 
 all his cheerfulness] 
 
 Will you tell im, mate, I always loses me breath when 
 he comes near me. 
 
 SMITH 
 [Smiling] 
 Oh, I ll tell him all right. 
 
 LIEUTENANT HARFORD 
 
 For God s sake, shoot me and put me out of my misery. 
 [Suddenly all the men become stiffly erect, then come 
 
 smartly to the salute as COLONEL GRAYLEN, followed 
 
 by CAPTAIN WENTWORTH and his escort, appear. 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN is unable to realize what the 
 
 situation means.] 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 What is the meaning of this? Release Lieutenant 
 Harford immediately. 
 
 SMITH 
 May I report first, sir? 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 Yes, go on. 
 
 [61] 
 
SMITH 
 
 Lieutenant Harford is in reality a German spy, sir. 
 We captured him with these other two Germans 
 after they had put our sentry out of action. We pre 
 viously heard them arrange with a German Captain 
 for a surprise attack tonight through a tunnel running 
 from the German lines to here. The plan being, to gain 
 admission to the inner line without disturbing our out 
 posts, the attack from rear and front cutting our 
 forces in half relying on our shortage of men and the 
 confusion of a quick thrust to take these positions. 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 Surely, this must be some hideous mistake. Harford? 
 [HARFORD does not reply.] Harford, you can ex plain f 
 
 DOT 
 
 It s quite right, sir look [goes over to boulder and 
 tries to move it, but it is too heavy. Some of the men 
 go over and help him, and the boulder is pulled slowly 
 back.] 
 
 CAPTAIN WENTWORTH 
 
 Good Lord! [Looking down tunnel] It must have 
 taken them weeks to make it. 
 
 SMITH 
 
 Harford arranged with a German officer to flash 
 dash two dots with this. [Picks up torch.] That is 
 the signal for them to send the troops down the tunnel. 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 What is the meaning of this? Have you anything 
 to say? 
 
 [62] 
 
LIEUTENANT HARFORD 
 
 Yes. I don t want any of your darn sermons. I am 
 German and I m proud of it now get it over as 
 quickly as you like. 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 Place that man under arrest. [Two men take up 
 position both sides of HARFORD.] Keep him under 
 strong guard. He will be dealt with according to the 
 regulations of war. [The other German is brought 
 up with HARFORD, and they are both marched off under 
 escort. The wounded German is also taken off.] 
 I thank you Private Smith for what you have done. 
 [To WENTWORTH.] Have a machine gun section 
 brought here immediately. [WENTWORTH salutes and 
 rushes off.] What was the signal for them to come 
 through? 
 
 SMITH 
 Dash two dots, sir. 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 They are probably well into the tunnel now waiting 
 for the order to rush through. We had better wait a 
 few minutes. Go in a few yards, Sergeant, and listen. 
 [The SERGEANT goes into the tunnel and lies down 
 with his ear on the ground.] 
 
 SMITH 
 
 The German officer also said, sir, that there is a British 
 relief within a hundred miles of here. 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 Thank heaven for that. They are probably trying 
 to locate our whereabouts. 
 
 [63] 
 
SMITH 
 
 Do you think they will succeed unless some one gets 
 through to tell them just where we are, sir? 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 It is impossible to get through. We are hemmed in 
 on all sides. I couldn t afford sufficient men to even 
 make an attempt. We must wait and hope. Do you 
 hear anything, Sergeant? 
 
 SERGEANT 
 No, sir. 
 
 DOT 
 Machine gun section coming, sir. 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 Give me that torch. [He takes it from SMITH.] Now, 
 dash two dots. [He flashes the signals. WENTWORTH 
 rushes in followed by machine gunners. At a word 
 from him they quickly mount their guns.] 
 
 CAPTAIN WENTWORTH 
 
 Took them from eighty-three, sir sent word for 
 others to take their place quicker that way. 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 Good. Do you hear anything, Sergeant? 
 
 SERGEANT 
 
 Not yet, sir. [The machine guns are now mounted and 
 ready for action.] 
 
 [64] 
 
COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 [To WENTWORTH] 
 
 Take up position at the mouth of the tunnel. [WENT 
 WORTH gives a sharp command and two machine guns 
 take up the position.] 
 
 SERGEANT 
 
 [At mouth of tunnel] 
 
 Can hear a sort of rumbling noise but a long way off, 
 sir. 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 Good. Carry on, Sergeant. [SERGEANT goes back to 
 his position on the ground.] Corporal! [DOT comes 
 smartly to the salute.] My compliments to Major 
 Allard. Tell him to send me here every man he can 
 spare and machine guns, and tell him to "carry on" 
 until he receives further instructions from me. [DoT 
 salutes and hurries off.] It s as well to be prepared, 
 Wentworth, in case the guns should jam. 
 
 CAPTAIN WENTWORTH 
 
 Rather, sir but as soon as we open fire they are 
 bound to get in a panic in that narrow tunnel they ll 
 all get jammed to blazes. When they have retreated 
 we can dynamite the tunnel and put an end to it. 
 
 SERGEANT 
 They seem to be a bit nearer now, sir. 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 Good, carry on. 
 
 SMITH 
 May I make a suggestion, sir? 
 
 [65] 
 
COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 Yes. What is it? 
 
 SMITH 
 
 A few moments ago you said you couldn t spare the 
 men to try and get through to the relief but you can 
 spare one man. Will you let me try? 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 How do you mean ? 
 
 SMITH 
 
 One man might be able to work his way through I 
 think I can. I ve got a compass and a fair idea of 
 the country. Will you let me try? 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 It would be certain death. 
 
 SMITH 
 Will you let me try? 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 [Hesitating a moment, then quietly] 
 When do you want to start my boy? [He says 
 the last two words under his breath.] 
 
 SMITH 
 
 Now, sir. There is bound to be a lot of confusion 
 when they find out about the tunnel. It may give me 
 a better chance. May I go, sir? 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 You have my permission to try. [SMITH makes a 
 movement as if to go.] 
 
 [66] 
 
CAPTAIN WENTWORTH 
 
 Take extra water bottles and bandoliers you will 
 
 need them. 
 
 [The men offer their water bottles to SMITH, who takes 
 two and slings them across his shoulder, also an 
 extra bandelier. Several men offer him biscuits from 
 their haversacks, which he takes and puts into his 
 own.] 
 
 SMITH 
 
 With your permission now, sir, I am ready to go. 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 In case we do not meet again, I wish you good luck 
 and God speed, Private Smith. [He holds out his 
 hand SMITH grips it. There is a faint cheer from 
 the men. SMITH salutes, turns sharply, and is gone.] 
 
 SERGEANT 
 
 [Rushing out of tunnel] 
 
 Tramping of feet quite near, sir few hundred yards, 
 I should think. 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 Captain Wentworth, let them have it. 
 [The officers draw their revolvers and the men group 
 themselves behind the machine guns. A faint noise 
 can be heard corning through the tunnel. CAPTAIN 
 WENTWORTH raises his hand.] 
 
 CAPTAIN WENTWORTH 
 
 Machine gunners, take aim f-i-r-e ! [As the crack of 
 the bullets and the spurt of flames emerge from the 
 guns the curtain quickly falls.] 
 
 [67] 
 
SCENE IV 
 
 [The curtain remains down thirty seconds to denote 
 the passing of three weeks. At the rise of the cur 
 tain the scene is the same as Scene III except for 
 the fact that where the tunnel was, is now a mass 
 of debris the results of an explosion. It is early 
 dawn and the atmosphere is hazy. At the mouth of 
 the pass stands SOAPY. A Corporal and a Private 
 are kneeling beside him. They are looking intently 
 at something in the distance. In the foreground, 
 DOT and eight other men are sleeping, rolled in 
 blankets. Stacked in the centre of them are their 
 rifles, ready for emergency. There is the continual 
 boom of big guns in the distance.] 
 
 SOAPY 
 
 Them guns aint stopped for six hours. Can t under 
 stand where they re firing. Nothin comin in this 
 direction. 
 
 CORPORAL 
 Blimy look ! I told you I see d something an hour ago. 
 
 HUDSON 
 
 There must be thousands of em coming out of the 
 valley. They re coming straight for us. It s all up 
 with us. Ere, Dot! Dot! [He goes over to DOT, and 
 with a kick awakens him. The other men also awaken 
 and grab their rifles hastily.] 
 
 DOT 
 
 [Half asleep} 
 Wot is it? 
 
 [68] 
 
HUDSON 
 
 [Rushing back to pass] 
 It s come ! It s come ! 
 
 DOT 
 Wot as? 
 
 SOAPY 
 Our last hour. 
 
 DOT 
 Well wot d yer want to wake me up for? 
 
 SOAPY 
 
 Enemy advancing, not a quarter of a mile away 
 [more excited] millions and millions of em. What s 
 the matter with the out-posts? Why ain t they re 
 ported? Ere, quick! Somebody send word down 
 the line. [A man rushes off to do so. By this time all 
 the men are at the pass.] 
 
 DOT 
 
 The nerve of em marching up just as if they was on 
 parade. 
 
 SOAPY 
 Wot s the matter with our guns ? Why ain t they firing ? 
 
 DOT 
 
 [Very agitated] 
 Ave the staff gawn mad ? 
 
 SOAPY 
 Ain t it wicked ! Wish I could see a bit better. 
 
 DOT 
 
 Yes ! Damn the mist ! 
 
 [There is the faint sound of drum and fife, but so far 
 
 [6 9 ] 
 
away that the tune is inaudible. The men stop talk 
 ing and listen; then there is a general murmur.] 
 
 SOAPY 
 
 And they ve got a band with em too! blimy, what a 
 nerve ! 
 
 DOT 
 
 Look ! Look ! can yer make out that officer coming at 
 the ead of em Like a bloomin turkey cock 
 Who s got a cartridge? I m out can plug im from 
 ere. [One of the men hands him a cartridge, which 
 he jams into the breech, and brings his rifle to his 
 shoulder taking careful aim. At that moment, CAP 
 TAIN WENTWORTH rushes in seeing DOT about to 
 fire he stops dead.] 
 
 CAPTAIN WENTWORTH 
 
 [In surprise] 
 What the devil are you doing? 
 
 DOT 
 
 Enemy on us, sir taking a pot shot. 
 CAPTAIN WENTWORTH 
 
 Hold your fire, you imbecile, can t you see they re 
 British? 
 
 DOT 
 
 British? British? well, I m blowed! [There is a 
 cheer from the men, and the sound of the drum and 
 fifes comes nearer.] 
 
 CAPTAIN WENTWORTH 
 
 I thought everyone knew. They ve been hammering 
 away all night. Didn t you hear the guns? [DoT nods 
 
 [70] 
 
his head stupidly-] At three o clock this morning, 
 they completely routed the enemy, who are now re 
 treating in disorder with our cavalry on its heels. 
 [There is another cheer from the men. The sound 
 of the music is more distinct now; they are playing 
 "The Girl I Left Behind Me/ ] The General and his 
 advance guard, coming to pay his respects to the 
 Colonel. Look alive there let them think you ve en 
 joyed the last three months. [They all come smartly to 
 attention as COLONEL GRAYLEN enters with his staff, 
 also VIOLET and several other nurses. They all hurry 
 to look through the pass. By this time the music is 
 quite near.] 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 Splendid! Just in time to meet them. 
 [The band stops at the end of a strain, and a dozen 
 or so men of the Imperial Light Horse march in 
 through the pass. They are "Halted" by the SER 
 GEANT and "Present arms" to COLONEL GRAYLEN. 
 LIEUTENANT BRETT enters briskly. He is as breezy 
 as ever, but looks a little older, and very tired- He 
 goes to COLONEL GRAYLEN and salutes.] 
 
 LIEUTENANT BRETT 
 Colonel Graylen, I believe, sir? 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 [Holding out his hand] 
 Happy to meet you, Lieutenant er ? 
 
 LIEUTENANT BRETT 
 
 Brett, sir late Transportation Staff now I. L. H. 
 The General s compliments, sir. He will be with you 
 
 [71] 
 
in a minute. [With a broad smile. ] Gad! but it s 
 been a thick night, sir! 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 Afraid we were not much help. As soon as I knew 
 your forces were in touch with the enemy had to 
 hold my fire didn t know whom I might be hitting. 
 
 LIEUTENANT BRETT 
 Quite so, sir. 
 
 [COLONEL GRAYLEN introduces LIEUTENANT BRETT to 
 his staff officers, and then the nurses.] 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 And this is my ward Miss Lee Lieutenant Brett. 
 
 LIEUTENANT BRETT 
 [Taking her hand] 
 Are you Miss Violet Lee? 
 
 VIOLET 
 Yes, why? 
 
 LIEUTENANT BRETT 
 
 May I speak to you alone for a minute? I have a 
 message to deliver. [VIOLET gives him a quick, shy 
 smile they move Left. The command rings out 
 "Eyes front" and COLONEL SIR CHARLES AMES 
 comes through the pass followed by his aide-de-camp. 
 Every one salutes, and he and COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 shake hands.] 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 I cannot tell you how grateful I am, Sir Charles you 
 were just in time. 
 
 [72] 
 
SIR CHARLES 
 
 It is indeed an honour to be of service to so distin 
 guished a soldier as yourself. We have many mutual 
 friends in India. [By this time VIOLET and BRETT 
 have moved out of sight-] 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 I was beginning to lose hope my stores and ammuni 
 tion are practically gone. And when it was reported 
 to me last night that you were within ten miles of us, 
 I think I was the happiest man in all Africa previous 
 to that I had no knowledge that you were even in the 
 vicinity. 
 
 SIR CHARLES 
 
 It s very lucky we found you at all. We were strik 
 ing too far west, and if it hadn t been for that man of 
 yours finding us I don t think we should ever have 
 found you at least in time. Gad ! he had some pluck. 
 Pretty badly shot up when he found us don t think 
 he d eaten for days but he stuck to it even made a 
 map of the way he came. If Private Smith doesn t 
 get a V. C. it won t be my fault. I ve sent my recom 
 mendation. 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 Where is he now? 
 
 SIR CHARLES 
 
 Oh, he died the day he reached us ; we buried him west 
 of Kloof-Smith. [The COLONEL becomes suddenly 
 erect, and stares straight before him.] 
 
 [73] 
 
COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 [Very slowly and deliberately} 
 
 Sir Charles, if Private Smith is awarded the V. C. 
 will you be so kind as to see that it is sent to me? 
 
 SIR CHARLES 
 
 [Rather puzzled] 
 
 Well I er thought of having it sent to his people. 
 
 COLONEL GRAYLEN 
 
 I am proud to say, Sir Charles, that Private Smith was 
 my son. [In a whisper.] God rest his soul. 
 
 CURTAIN 
 
 [74] 
 
AS A PAL 
 
CAST OF CHARACTERS 
 
 ERB, a linen-draper s assistant 
 TED, his pal, of the same ilk 
 CYNTHIA, a maid 
 NANCY, a Brixton flapper 
 
 SCENE 
 *ERB\y lodgings somewhere in Belham 
 
 [ORIGINAL CAST] 
 
 RB Mr. Compton Cootes 
 
 TED Mr. Charles Douglas 
 
 NANCY Miss Doric Sawyer 
 
 CYNTHIA Miss Hilda Sims 
 
AS A PAL 
 
 "None but the brave deserve the fair" 
 
 SCENE 
 
 Typical of the cheap suburban lodging-house. On the 
 walls are the usual pictures of the dear departed 
 members of the family. In the centre is a small 
 round table, on the right of which is a dilapidated 
 couch, just large enough to hold two with comfort. 
 On the left of the table is an antiquated horsehair 
 armchair, with most of its padding protruding. The 
 door is in the centre to the right and when open 
 shows a mean little passage which leads to the street 
 door. On the mantelpiece are the usual china dogs, 
 and other knick-knacks, most of which proclaim 
 loudly that they are presents from Margate, South- 
 end, etc., etc. The remainder of the furniture is in 
 uniform sordidness. 
 
 At the rise of the curtain RB is discovered with box 
 ing-gloves on fighting an imaginary opponent. He 
 is a flashy, weedy individual a typical shop-boy of 
 London Suburbia. He is dressed with infinite care 
 although in the most obvious bad taste. His socks 
 
 [77] 
 
and tie might easily put the combined colours of the 
 Allies to shame. 
 
 He makes a left upper-cut at his imaginary opponent 
 when the door opens and CYNTHIA stands in the 
 opening surveying him with contempt. By courtesy 
 we will call her a servant, though being maid-of-all 
 work, perhaps drudge would be more appropriate. 
 She has no respect for place or persons, her sole 
 recommend being a sharp tongue. 
 
 CYNTHIA 
 
 [Quietly] 
 Ain t you a fool ! 
 
 ERB 
 I don t want no cheek from you, my girl. 
 
 CYNTHIA 
 
 Your girl! You flatter yerself, don t yer? [Puts tea- 
 tray on table with a bang.] Ere s yer tea and ere s 
 yer cakes. I opes the young person will like em. 
 
 ERB 
 
 [In a superior manner] 
 
 Now look ere, my girl, I ve told you before it s my 
 cousin wot s coming to tea. 
 
 CYNTHIA 
 
 Yes ! Long lost cousin ! Must ave lost er senses if 
 she s gone on you. [She moves towards the door.] 
 Cousin ! You can t kid me ! You wouldn t waste 
 threepence on cakes for no relation! 
 
 [78] 
 
RB 
 [Raising his voice] 
 
 I tell you, my girl 
 
 [Exit CYNTHIA, slamming the door. RB takes off the 
 boxing-gloves and tries to find the most conspicuous 
 place in which to put them finally deciding to 
 deposit them one on each side of the tea-tray. 
 He puts on his coat, goes to the mirror, and surveys 
 himself with care takes a little comb out of his 
 vest pocket and rearranges his hair. He is evidently 
 pleased with the effect, and commences to whistle 
 "Let s All Go Down the Strand." The door opens 
 suddenly and CYNTHIA appears. Behind her is TED. 
 He is much the same type as RB, though much 
 slower in speech, and gives one the impression of 
 being not quite so quick-witted. He is dressed for 
 cycling in the approved suburban manner, Norfolk 
 coat knee-breeches cheap cycling hose with atro 
 ciously coloured tops, a very high double collar 
 and a broad check cap.] 
 
 CYNTHIA 
 Ere you are. 
 
 TED 
 Give us a kiss, duckie. 
 
 CYNTHIA 
 Give us a chance! [Exit.} 
 
 RB 
 Ted, my old pal, I m glad ter see you. 
 
 [79] 
 
TED 
 Wot are you after? [Moves down stage.] 
 
 ERB 
 
 Sit down and make yourself comfortable. [TED looks 
 at him distrustfully.] Ere ave a nice cake. 
 
 TED 
 
 Ain t yer well? So long! [He makes a movement as 
 if to go.] 
 
 ERB 
 
 Ere, wait a minute, Ted ! Ted, you got my letter at 
 the shop asking you to come round here, didn t you? 
 
 TED 
 Yes. 
 
 ERB 
 
 Well, listen, Ted. I want you to stay to tea. I ve got 
 a little scheme, and I want you to elp me with it. 
 
 TED 
 
 It can t be done. I ve ired a bike ninepence an hour 
 going into the country, Tooting way. It s outside 
 now. So long ! [He again makes a movement towards 
 the door.] 
 
 ERB 
 
 Ted! Ted! [Going towards him.] I ve got a girl 
 coming round to tea. 
 
 TED 
 
 [Rather undecided] 
 Is she bringing a friend? 
 
 Course not! 
 
 [80] 
 
TED 
 
 Well, so long! [He reaches the door.] 
 
 RB 
 
 [Catching TED by arm and pulling him down centre} 
 Listen, Ted. She s a peach prettiest girl I ever see 
 well connected too oh yes er father keeps a public 
 ouse down Brixton way. [With a far-away smile] 
 She s just crazy about me won t look at another 
 fellow. 
 
 TED 
 Won t she? Well, so long! My bike s waiting. 
 
 ERB 
 
 Well, let it wait ! 
 
 TED 
 
 Yes, but ninepence is ninepence. [Looks at his 
 watch.] Your love affair has cost me threeha pence 
 already. [Makes another attempt to go; RB stops 
 him.] 
 
 ERB 
 
 I ll make it all right. Now listen, Ted! I want you 
 to elp me, as a pal. This girl Nancy s er name 
 she come into the shop about a week ago, and while I 
 was serving er, we got talking and chatting, you know, 
 and I could see by er eyes she rather admired me. 
 This ain t no laughing matter, Ted! So that night, 
 after the shop closed, I took er to a picture palace. We 
 got on fine together. Well, when the ero in the picture 
 threw the villain and is orse over the cliff, she says 
 getting old of my and "Ain t that splendid?" And 
 I sort of taken back, and not knowing quite wot ter 
 
 [81] 
 
say, says, "Oh, that s nothing !" Then she looks at me 
 with them big eyes and says, "I believe your a ero, 
 only you re modest, that s wot s the matter with you, 
 your modest." And she give me and another pinch. 
 Then she went on and told me ow she admires a manly 
 man, a man that wasn t afraid of nobody. Wot are 
 you laughing at? Now don t you go, Ted. I ain t got 
 to it yet. 
 
 TED 
 Well urry up my bike s waiting. 
 
 RB 
 
 Well, you know wot I am with the ladies, Ted. I told 
 er the tale a bit you know things I d done men 
 I d beat 
 
 TED 
 You couldn t beat a carpet. 
 
 RB 
 
 [Ignoring the remark] 
 
 Well, she s coming ere today, Ted! [Pointing to the 
 gloves.] I borrowed these boxing-gloves just to im 
 press er, and, as a pal, Ted, I want you to stay and, 
 just casual-like, make up a few things wot I ve done. 
 
 TED 
 
 [In amazement] 
 Wot ave you done? 
 
 RB 
 
 That s neither ere nor there. Just make em up. 
 
 [82] 
 
TED 
 
 [Blankly] 
 Make wot up? 
 
 ERB 
 Tell er wot a ero I am ow I ain t afraid of nothing. 
 
 TED 
 That s the only thing you ain t afraid of. 
 
 ERB 
 
 [Ignoring the interruption] 
 
 For instance just as I m anding er a cup of tea, and 
 she and me is laughing and olding ands, you, casual- 
 like, says, "That reminds me of the time, Erb, when 
 you thrashed that big fisherman down at Ramsgate, for 
 breaking that little kid s spade on the beach." 
 
 TED 
 
 But you broke the kid s spade, and the fisherman nearly 
 kill 
 
 ERB 
 
 [Quickly] 
 Just twist it round. Needn t go into details. 
 
 TED 
 Wot do I get out of it? 
 
 [In an off-hand manner] 
 I wouldn t insult you by offering you anything, Ted. 
 
 TED 
 Well, so long! 
 
 [83] 
 
ERB 
 
 Ow much do you want? 
 
 TED 
 
 Give me that silver cigarette-case you won at the 
 whist-drive. 
 
 ERB 
 
 [Earnestly] 
 I would gladly, Ted, but I ve lost it. 
 
 TED 
 Well, so lo 
 
 ERB 
 
 All right I ll give it yer. Now as a pal, Ted, you ll see 
 me through? Now yer understand? All you ve got 
 to do, is to make me out a ero. 
 
 TED 
 
 [With sudden inspiration] 
 I ll tell er you re Dick Turpin ! 
 
 ERB 
 
 Don t tell er I m anything. Just tell er all the brave 
 deeds wot I ve done. 
 
 TED 
 Righto! Give us your cigarette-case. 
 
 ERB 
 After she s gone. 
 
 TED 
 I d rather ave it now, you might forget. 
 
 ERB 
 You are ard- earted. 
 
 [84] 
 
TED 
 
 You are ard- anded. 
 
 [ RB hands him the cigarette-case, first carefully tak 
 ing out a dilapidated cigarette. A distant clock 
 strikes four.] 
 
 RB 
 
 [All of a flutter] 
 
 She s due ere now. [He rushes to the mirror.] Ow 
 do I look, Ted? Wot do you think of my tie? And 
 my air, look at my air! 
 
 TED 
 "Two-in-One" 
 
 RB 
 
 Oh, I nearly forgot ! Listen, Ted ; slip across the road 
 and get three threepenny cigars. 
 
 TED 
 
 [In amazement] 
 
 You ain t arf coming out of your shell! Three 
 pennies? 
 
 Yes, three pennies. [With a lordly air.} Want to do 
 the thing proper. And ask em to give you an empty 
 box to put them in. [He gives TED a shilling and 
 bustles him out. He again surveys himself in the 
 glass; puts on the boxing-gloves, and is just beginning 
 to shape up, when CYNTHIA enters.] 
 
 CYNTHIA 
 
 Your cousin s outside. She s asking for Erbert, 
 don t seem to know your other name. 
 
 [851 
 
RB 
 
 [With kingly air] 
 Ask er in ere, my girl. 
 
 [There is a slight pause, and NANCY appears on the 
 threshold. She is a pretty little flapper of about 
 eighteen, very pert, and for her class is dressed 
 rather modestly. Her outstanding features are big 
 trustful eyes.} 
 
 NANCY 
 [Quietly] 
 How do you do? 
 
 RB 
 
 Ow do you do? [There is a long pause; neither of 
 them moves. At last, in approved shop-walker style.] 
 Step this way, please. [He indicates the couch t and 
 she sits.] 
 
 NANCY 
 
 What s the matter with your hand? [In delight.] 
 Why, it s a boxing-glove. Have you been boxing? 
 
 RB 
 
 Well not exactly boxing. [Getting his second wind.] 
 You see when I won the championship my trainer 
 made me promise to put em on once every day, to 
 remember him by [Finishes lamely.] Silly wasn t 
 it? 
 
 NANCY 
 
 Silly! [With enthusiasm.] I think it s splendid! And 
 are those the gloves you won the championship with? 
 
 RB 
 
 Yes [hesitating] the same gloves. 
 
 [86] 
 
NANCY 
 [Eagerly] 
 And is the blood still on them? 
 
 ERB 
 
 [Looking at them doubtfully] 
 No, I washed em. 
 
 NANCY 
 
 And I suppose you wouldn t part with them for any 
 thing in the world? 
 
 J RB 
 
 [Casually] 
 I ad thought of giving them to the Museum. 
 
 NANCY 
 
 [Romantically] 
 
 I always dreamed that one day I should meet a man 
 like you a man without fear whose motto is, "A 
 word and a blow." 
 
 ERB 
 
 [Modestly] 
 Only in defence of the weak. 
 
 NANCY 
 
 Of course. Last night, when I got home I was think 
 ing of all the things you d told me. Tell me, how did 
 you feel when you had that great bully on his knees 
 crying for mercy? 
 
 ERB 
 
 [Noncommittal] 
 
 Just ordinary you get used to it. But I ve done with 
 fighting now, Miss Price. 
 
 [87] 
 
NANCY 
 Last night you called me Nancy. 
 
 RB 
 [Coyly] 
 
 Nancy ! As I says, I ve done with fighting now. All 
 I want is a nice little ome, and a nice little [During 
 the last part of the speech TED has entered.} 
 
 TED 
 
 [Pointing at them playfully] 
 I caught yer ! 
 
 RB 
 
 [Rushing over to him] 
 If it ain t my old college chum, Ted Arris! 
 [TED looks in blank amazement. RB grips his hand 
 and shakes it vigorously.] 
 
 RB 
 Well, who d V thought of seeing you! 
 
 TED 
 
 [Blankly] 
 
 Why you just sent me out. Ere s your cigars, ancl 
 I ve got a box to put em in, threepence change. 
 
 RB 
 
 An* e s brought me a nice little present. Thank you, 
 Ted. [He looks at NANCY.] Allow me to introduce 
 you to my old college chum, Mr. Ted Arris. [TED 
 comes down stage and stands next to NANCY.] Miss 
 Nancy Price, Mr. Ted Arris: Mr. Ted Arris 
 Miss Nancy Price. 
 
 [88] 
 
[NANCY puts out her hand, TED doesn t see it. She 
 withdraws it. TED sees this, and puts out his. As 
 her hand is gone, he withdraws his. Eventually they 
 shake hands.] 
 
 NANCY 
 
 [Looking into TED S eyes with a sweet smile] 
 Glad to meet you. 
 
 TED 
 
 [Gazing into her eyes} 
 Same ere. [There is an awkward pause] 
 
 NANCY 
 
 [Still looking into his eyes] 
 It s been a nice day. 
 
 TED 
 As it? [Another pause.} 
 
 RB 
 
 [Cheerfully] 
 
 Yes Ted and me s been chums for a long time now, 
 ain t we, Ted? 
 
 TED 
 
 [Still looking at NANCY] 
 Nigh on a year now. [Another pause.] 
 
 RB 
 
 Come and sit down over ere, Ted. [Indicating the 
 chair farthest away from NANCY. NANCY sits on the 
 couch, and pats the vacant seat. TED looks at ERB 
 smiles and sits down beside her. Another awkward 
 pause.] Yes, we ve been good chums, and we ve ad 
 some adventures, eh, Ted? 
 
 [89] 
 
TED 
 
 [Noncommittal] 
 Not arf ! [He never takes his eyes off NANCY.] 
 
 RB 
 
 [With enthusiasm] 
 I ll never forget that fisherman at Ramsgate Ee 
 
 TED 
 
 [Paying no attention to him] 
 You ain t been in London long, ave you, Miss Price? 
 
 RB 
 But I never could stand brutality 
 
 NANCY 
 [Coyly] 
 Only about eighteen months, Mr. Arris. 
 
 RB 
 
 [With less vigour] 
 
 To see im it that kid was more than flesh and blood 
 could stand 
 
 TED 
 
 [To NANCY] 
 What part do you come from? 
 
 ERB 
 
 I made one rush at im 
 
 NANCY 
 Reading ever been there? 
 
 ERB 
 And with a swift upper-cut 
 
 [90] 
 
TED 
 Can t say I have. 
 
 ERB 
 
 [Finishing lamely] 
 Ee went down such a wop. 
 
 TED 
 
 [Pulling himself together] 
 Who did? 
 
 ERB 
 
 That fisherman at Ramsgate. Don t yor remember 
 Ted don t yor remember, Ted? [He winks violently 
 at TED. TED glances at NANCY. She smiles sweetly 
 at him.] 
 
 TED 
 No, I mblowed if I do! 
 
 ERB 
 
 [In an undertone] 
 Give me back that cigarette-case. 
 
 TED 
 You gave it to me. 
 
 ERB 
 Yes, I gave it you for 
 
 TED 
 
 [With a broad smile] 
 For what? 
 
 ERB 
 
 [Quickly] 
 
 Let s all ave some tea. Now you sit ere, Ted [indi 
 cating a chair on the opposite side of the table] and, 
 Nancy, you sit ere next to me and 
 
 [91] 
 
NANCY 
 
 [In a superior manner] 
 
 When we have friends at home in the drawing room, 
 tea is handed round. 
 
 [During this speech TED has risen and is centre. He 
 runs quickly back to the sofa, and sits on the other 
 side of NANCY, leaving NANCY S back to ERB.] 
 
 NANCY 
 Did you ever see Erb box? 
 
 TED 
 
 [Off-handedly] 
 
 Oh yes, ee ain t bad, but ee ain t in the same class 
 with me. 
 
 NANCY 
 [Delighted] 
 Do you box too? 
 
 ERB 
 Ee don t do much. 
 
 TED 
 Who don t? 
 
 ERB 
 
 [Winking] 
 You don t. 
 
 TED 
 
 Don t I ? Who was it that saved you from the paper 
 boy just outside the shop who 
 
 ERB 
 
 [Rushing over with a cup] 
 
 Ere s your tea, Nancy. [He has left TED S tea on the 
 far side of the table, and stands ready to take TED S 
 
 [92] 
 
seat next to NANCY as soon as he goes to get it.] 
 There s [pointing] your tea, Ted. 
 
 TED 
 
 [With a look at NANCY] 
 Well, and it over. 
 
 RB 
 
 [In a fierce whisper] 
 Give me back that cigarette-case. 
 
 TED 
 
 [Ignoring him] 
 
 Yes, Miss Price, as I m always telling Erb, every man 
 should know how to 
 
 ERB 
 
 Cake? [He offers the plate to NANCY, who takes one. 
 TED also grabs one.] 
 
 NANCY 
 Thank you. 
 
 TED 
 Yes, thank yer. 
 
 ERB 
 
 Wouldn t you rather sit in the armchair, Nancy it s 
 more comfortable? 
 
 NANCY 
 
 [Looking up at TED] 
 
 I m very happy here. [TED, who has been eating cake, 
 gives a playful giggle, and many crumbs fall out of 
 his mouth.] 
 
 [93] 
 
RB 
 
 [Seising the opportunity] 
 
 Ted never could manage his crumbs very well. [He 
 makes another desperate effort.] Do you know, some 
 how, we three, sitting ere together, reminds me of the 
 day I won the Championship. [Gravely.] I shall 
 never forget it. 
 
 TED 
 I m sure. 
 
 NANCY 
 Oh, do tell us. 
 
 TED 
 Yes do tell us. 
 
 [Warming up to his work again] 
 
 I d just stepped into the ring, and before the cheering 
 had stopped, my trainer come over to me, and ee 
 says [CYNTHIA enters.] 
 
 CYNTHIA 
 
 There s a man out ere, says ee s called for the boxing- 
 gloves ee lent yer for the afternoon. 
 
 RB 
 
 [With a sickly smile] 
 Boxing-gloves what boxing-gloves ? 
 
 TED 
 You know, the ones you won the Championship with. 
 
 RB 
 
 Oh yes, ee means ee wants to borrer them. I ll just 
 go out and see im. Will you excuse me for a minute ? 
 
 [94] 
 
[Exit RB. TED and NANCY look coyly at each 
 other.] 
 
 TED 
 
 [In his best dare-devil manner} 
 
 You ain t arf a one ! [He gives her a playful tap on 
 the arm.} 
 
 NANCY 
 [Coyly] 
 Now go on ! 
 
 [She returns his slap a little harder. He gives her 
 another playful tap. She replies with a hard push 
 which knocks him off the couch. Before he can 
 recover himself RB has entered and sits quickly in 
 his seat. TED wedges himself in on the other side 
 of NANCY, and the three are sitting in very cramped 
 positions. } 
 
 RB 
 
 [With hidden meaning] 
 Your bike s waiting, Ted. 
 
 TED 
 
 [Sullenly] 
 Well, let it wait! 
 
 RB 
 Ain t you going for a ride? 
 
 TED 
 
 [With decision] 
 No, I ain t. [Pause.] 
 
 RB 
 
 Won t you ave a cigar, Ted? There s one on the 
 table. [He tries to entice TED to get them.] 
 
 [95] 
 
NANCY 
 
 Let me get you one. [She jumps up and goes to 
 the table, and picks up the box.] Why, they re Corona 
 Coronas ! They re the kind that father smokes. [She 
 brings over the box, and hands it to TED and RB, who 
 each take a cigar.] Wait a minute, I ll get you a light. 
 [She turns up stage to the mantelpiece.] 
 
 ERB 
 
 [With a murderous look and in a hoarse whisper] 
 Give me back that cigarette-case. [NANCY lights the 
 cigars. Neither of the men has attempted to vacate 
 his position on the couch.] 
 
 RB 
 
 Come and sit down ere, Nancy. [He indicates about 
 three inches of seat on his left.] 
 
 NANCY 
 
 [Perkily] 
 
 There isn t room. [She goes and sits right of the table- ] 
 
 Ted ll make room for you, won t you, Ted? 
 
 TED 
 [Seeing that NANCY is seated on the opposite side 
 
 of the room] 
 With pleasure. 
 [He goes over and sits on a chair next to NANCY 
 
 leaving RB alone on the couch. RB looks ready 
 
 to burst into tears.] 
 
 [96] 
 
NANCY 
 
 I suppose you boys have had a lot of adventures to 
 gether. 
 
 TED 
 
 [ ERB gives TED a last pleading look] 
 Oh yes, when we was at Eton and Oxford together. 
 
 ERB 
 
 [Correcting him] 
 
 Oxford and Cambridge, Ted Oxford and Cam 
 bridge! Ah! them was appy days! That reminds 
 me [He is about to go off into another recital.] 
 
 NANCY 
 [Quickly] 
 
 There s something burning! [She begins to sniff. 
 TED hides his cigar. To RB.] I believe it s your 
 cigar! [She takes it out of his mouth and examines 
 the band.] Why, that isn t a Corona Corona it s a 
 tuppenny! [She goes to the fireplace and drops it 
 into the grate.] 
 
 ERB 
 
 [With a sudden dawning} 
 
 Tuppenny! [He fixes TED with a cold stare. TED 
 tries to look unconcerned.] Ere, and me over the 
 change. 
 
 TED 
 
 [Defiantly] 
 What change? 
 
 ERB 
 
 [Losing control of himself] 
 Ere, you get outside this is my ouse. 
 
 [97] 
 
TED 
 Easy, my lad you ain t talking to a fisherman now. 
 
 RB 
 Ho! 
 
 TED 
 
 No! Nor winning championships. [He turns to 
 NANCY.] Why, Miss Price, if I told you arf the 
 things I d done, you wouldn t believe it. 
 
 RB 
 
 [With feeling] 
 No, she wouldn t! 
 
 TED 
 
 [Losing his temper] 
 
 Wot do you mean? Didn t I save you from the kid s 
 mother, when you tried to take is fishing-rod away? 
 
 RB 
 
 [Almost crying] 
 
 No, you didn t. Didn t I jump into the water to save 
 a poor girl from drowning? 
 
 TED 
 
 And didn t I ave to jump in and save you both? Who 
 saved you from that navvy, when you was bullying 
 that little kid? 
 
 RB 
 
 You didn t. And ain t I the best fighter in the shops? 
 And ain t I taught you all I know? 
 
 TED 
 
 [Raising his voice] 
 And ain t I 
 
 [98] 
 
NANCY 
 [Soothingly] 
 
 Now, boys, don t quarrel with each other, [slowly and 
 with meaning] because you will both need all your 
 courage and skill this afternoon. 
 
 TED 
 
 [Calming down] 
 Eh, what! 
 
 RB 
 
 [Taking his tone] 
 Ow s that? 
 
 NANCY 
 
 You remember, Herbert, I told you I didn t admire 
 anyone who wasn t a righting man? Well, now you 
 boys have both proved to me that you are more than 
 able to take care of yourselves. I ll tell you why. Well, 
 it isn t because I like fighting I hate it; but I was 
 once engaged to a great big burly brute of a man. 
 [ With a shudder. ] It was only his strength which ap 
 pealed to me. Since I broke it off, he has been watch 
 ing me, and if he sees me out with a boy, he waylays 
 him and nearly kills him. [ RB swallows a lump in 
 his throat. TED tries to speak, but finds his collar has 
 got too tight.] When I think of that poor bank clerk 
 only able to eat bread and milk for three weeks ! 
 
 TED 
 
 [With feeling} 
 Poor fellow! 
 
 [99] 
 
ERB 
 
 [In a faltering voice] 
 Ow old I mean ow big is ee? 
 
 NANCY 
 
 Oh, not more than six foot, but as strong as a lion. 
 [Sweetly.] But then, of course, he hasn t your skill. 
 
 ERB 
 
 That s an elp. 
 
 TED 
 What what s is name? 
 
 NANCY 
 
 Bill. 
 
 TED 
 
 [With a shudder] 
 What a nasty name. 
 
 NANCY 
 [Cheerfully] 
 
 Do you know, he once walked to Leeds to fight a man 
 he heard was sweet on me. 
 
 ERB 
 [Feebly] 
 Did did ee find im? 
 
 NANCY 
 No, but he nearly killed a policeman on the way back. 
 
 ERB 
 
 [With a ray of hope] 
 Perhaps we shan t meet im. 
 
 [100] 
 
NANCY 
 
 Oh yes, you will. [ RB and TED exchange a frightened 
 look.] There s no escape from him. I sent him a note 
 today, telling him I should be here with a nice boy at 
 4.30. [With a little laugh.] Round he ll come like a 
 mad bull, but it will be his turn to go through it now. 
 
 RB 
 
 [Trying to smile] 
 
 Yes, I don t suppose there ll be much of him left by 
 the time Ted s done with im. 
 
 TED 
 
 [Quickly] 
 Erb ll show im a thing or two. 
 
 RB 
 
 [In a frightened whisper] 
 What time is it now? 
 
 NANCY 
 
 [Looking at her wrist-watch] 
 Just 4.30. 
 
 [There is a long pause and the distant clock chimes 
 the half -hour.] 
 
 TED 
 
 Ere, let go of me. 
 
 [He tries to push RB away, who is holding on to his 
 coat, and make for the door. RB clings on des 
 perately.] 
 
 NANCY 
 [To TED] 
 Don t spare him. 
 
 [101] 
 
TED 
 
 [To RB] 
 No, don t spare im. 
 
 RB 
 
 [Frantically] 
 
 I ll let you ave im, Ted, just for old times sake. You 
 know I ain t in your class. [TED tries to get to the 
 door, but RB is clinging on to him TED pushing him 
 off.] 
 
 TED 
 
 But you won the Championship. [Desperately.] Ere, 
 let me go ! 
 
 RB 
 
 [Pleading] 
 As a pal, Ted as a pal. 
 
 TED 
 Let me go, I say I ve got an appointment. 
 
 ERB 
 
 I ll come with you. 
 
 TED 
 
 [Still struggling to get away] 
 You can t I m going on my bike. 
 
 ERB 
 
 I ll come on the step. 
 
 NANCY 
 
 [To TED, with dignity] 
 You re not afraid, are you? 
 
 [102] 
 
TED 
 
 Afraid! [Throwing out his chest and indicating ERB.] 
 Erb afraid! You do im a wrong, Miss Price. Why, 
 ee s afraid of what ee ll do to this Bill when ee gets 
 hold of im. Ee don t know is own strength, does 
 our Erb. Why, if you d seen im it that fisherman 
 [There is a loud bang on the street door. TED gives 
 ERB a violent push and rushes out of the room like a 
 frightened rabbit.] So long! 
 
 [ RB is the picture of indecision and fear. His eyes 
 search the room for the most formidable weapon. 
 He seises the poker. There is another loud knock 
 at the door. RB nearly jumps out of his skin. He 
 barricades the door with the table, and piles the arm- 
 chair on the top of it. NANCY looks on in amaze 
 ment. He again seizes the poker and stands at bay 
 behind the couch, the very acme of fear.] 
 
 NANCY 
 
 [Looking at the poker in RB S trembling hand] 
 What s that for? 
 
 ERB 
 Ee might be armed. 
 
 NANCY 
 Who? 
 
 ERB 
 Bill. 
 
 NANCY 
 What Bill? 
 
 [103] 
 
ERB 
 
 [Feebly] 
 Just Bill. 
 
 NANCY 
 Why, there ain t no Bill. [She smiles.] 
 
 ERB 
 
 [Hardly able to believe his ears] 
 There ain t no Bill? 
 
 NANCY 
 
 No, I just made that up to get rid of that swank-pot 
 of a friend of yours. 
 
 [Losing a little of his fear] 
 And there ain t no Bill at all? 
 
 NANCY 
 Of course not. 
 
 ERB 
 
 [A little bolder] 
 And ee don t walk to Leeds to fight people? 
 
 NANCY 
 Of course not. 
 
 RB 
 
 [StUl bolder] 
 Nor kill policemen ? 
 
 NANCY 
 I tell you, there isn t any Bill. 
 
 [Striking an heroic attitude] 
 It s a damned good job there ain t! 
 
 [104] 
 
NANCY 
 Why? 
 
 RB 
 
 [With a murderous look] 
 Cause if I d a give im one punch 
 
 NANCY 
 Oh, Erb! 
 
 J RB 
 
 [In a Napoleonic voice] 
 
 Ave no fear. I only raises my and in defence of 
 the weak. 
 
 [QUICK CURTAIN] 
 
LEAVE THE WOMAN OUT 
 
 IN COLLABORATION WITH 
 
 CHARLES KING 
 
[ORIGINAL CAST] 
 
 RICHARD DOYLE Mr. Charles King 
 
 J. K. RAIKE Mr. Leon Gordon 
 
 THE FIRST MAN Mr. Charles Weymes 
 
LEAVE THE WOMAN OUT 
 
 SCENE 
 
 DOYLE S study, workroom, library what you will, it is 
 a little of each. The most striking objects in the 
 room are the big solid safe on a pedestal set against 
 the left-hand side of the room, and the clock whose 
 hands can almost be seen to move. 
 
 Straight ahead of the spectator is a bay-window set in 
 a deep recess, in which is a table covered with a 
 microscope or two and their impedimenta. 
 
 The fire throws a strong red glow right across the 
 darkened room. The only door is on the left. In 
 the middle of the room is a table, on which are 
 familiar objects such as go to make a whiskey and 
 soda, and also a rather murderous-looking paper- 
 knife. 
 
 The walls are lined with volumes not Morocco- 
 bound classics, but dull-looking works of reference 
 and an immense number of files. 
 
 A massive bureau, with a telephone standing upon it, 
 completes the list of essential details. For the rest, 
 the room is in some disorder, the fireplace being 
 littered with scraps of paper. Boots, golf -clubs, 
 fishing-rods, are heaped in the corner. 
 
 RICHARD DOYLE, a sharp-faced, keen-looking man of 
 about forty-five, is sitting by the fire, with its red 
 glow full on his face. The telephone bell rings. He 
 has evidently been expecting it, for he springs up 
 immediately and takes the receiver. 
 
 [109] 
 
DOYLE 
 
 Hullo! Is that you, Harding? Any news? [His 
 tone changes.] What! Oh, our friend left the house 
 party just now with two men in the car. Did he? 
 Coming in this direction? Yes, I m expecting him! 
 [Quietly.] Yes, it s all up with him now there s a 
 woman in the case! I broke into his flat yesterday, 
 as neatly as he could have done, and came across a 
 most interesting document a love letter from a lady 
 a lady so much admired that I m afraid her reputa 
 tion will suffer somewhat. Can t help that. Gives 
 him away completely, and proves his identity beyond 
 dispute. He ll run any mad and foolish risk to re 
 cover it. Yes, he knows I ve got it. What? Yes 
 I m quite alone. Don t you worry, I ll take care of 
 myself. [There is a flash of light across the window. 
 He picks up a small mirror and brings it to bear on 
 the window behind him.] By the way, warn the local 
 police for me. Goodnight. Go to bed. [He goes out 
 quietly. Almost immediately there is a tinkle of glass, 
 the window is opened and a man comes through with 
 a flash-lamp on his stick. The curtains show there is 
 a strong wind outside. He makes quickly for the door. 
 The second man comes down to the middle of the 
 room, looks round, and takes the third man s place at 
 the window as he comes down. He carries a bag and 
 strapped on his head is a band carrying an electric 
 torch. He utters one word sharply, "Search!" They 
 dive into the bureau, etc. He flashes his lamp on the 
 safe, switches his head-light on, takes out a drill from 
 his bag, sets the coil and begins drilling, a shower of 
 
 [no] 
 
sparks surrounding him. He pauses a second, and the 
 
 telephone bell rings, startling them all.] 
 
 THE MAN 
 
 Why wasn t that cut ! [He gathers up his tools.] Get! 
 I ll keep Doyle here ten minutes. [He takes them by 
 the arm enforcing his words upon them.] You ve 
 got plans of his room upstairs. Search Search 
 Search! If you get the letter, show-a-light-at-the- 
 window, so that I, and I only, can see it. 
 
 THE FIRST MAN 
 
 [As he scrambles through the window] 
 But, Raike, think of the risk! If Doyle should recog 
 nize you ! 
 
 THE MAN 
 
 It s life or death and more. Get! 
 [They go out quickly by the window. The MAN de 
 liberately throws over a chair. In a second the 
 lights go up, and DOYLE is standing by the switch 
 with a revolver. He is confronted apparently by a 
 broken-down, seedy-looking individual of about fifty. 
 Shabby, dirty, and at the moment terror-stricken.] 
 
 DOYLE 
 Stop ! ! Keep your hands away from your pockets 
 
 THE MAN 
 Don t shoot, guv nor ! ! For Gawd s sake, don t shoot ! 
 
 DOYLE 
 
 Just as you like but keep your hands away from your 
 pockets. Mi Mister what is the name? 
 
 [in] 
 
THE MAN 
 Bates, sir William Bates. 
 
 DOYLE 
 
 Then keep your hands away from your pockets Mr. 
 William Bates. Now don t think I wish to presume 
 on so short an acquaintanceship, but would you mind 
 telling me what you are doing in my house? 
 
 BATES 
 I was starving, sir 
 
 DOYLE 
 And you mistook my house for a hotel, eh? 
 
 BATES 
 
 If you please, sir would you mind not pointing that 
 there thing at me. It might go orf. 
 
 DOYLE 
 
 Would you mind turning out your right-hand pocket. 
 [BATES turns it out quickly.] Now the other one, 
 please! Come along! ! 
 
 BATES 
 
 All right, sir; all right there ain t nothing. [He turns 
 it out.] 
 
 DOYLE 
 [Politely] 
 
 Ah ! Now sit down, Mr. Bates, sit down. Make your 
 self at home. [He waves his hand, with the revolver, 
 to a chair by the table. MR. BATES takes it hurriedly 
 and sits down nervously on the extreme edge of the 
 chair.] That s right I hope you re as comfortable as 
 you look now before I send for the police 
 
 [112] 
 
BATES 
 The perlice ! ! 
 
 DOYLE 
 
 Exactly. People in blue, who usually arrive when the 
 row is all over. Can you show me any reason why I 
 should not send for the police? 
 
 BATES 
 Yes, sir, I don t like em. 
 
 DOYLE 
 
 Well, I m only delaying the event out of personal in 
 terest. Excuse me, Mr. Bates, but your attempted 
 burglary was so appallingly amateurish that you in 
 terest me vastly. Why, for instance, didn t you lock 
 the door before commencing operations? The veriest 
 beginner knows that. 
 
 BATES 
 [Sullenly] 
 I am a beginner. 
 
 DOYLE 
 
 Really your first attempt? You re very ambitious. 
 Even the oldest hands think several times before tack 
 ling Richard Doyle. 
 
 BATES 
 
 What ! ! Are you Richard Doyle? The great "Tec" 
 Oh my Gawd! 
 
 DOYLE 
 Oh, you didn t know that when you came? 
 
 BATES 
 No. 
 
 DOYLE 
 That s very disappointing. 
 
BATES 
 [Pleading] 
 
 I ain t a burglar at all, Mr. Doyle. I know I ve no 
 right here, sir, but I was starving, it was only a meal 
 I wanted. 
 
 DOYLE 
 
 [Lighting his pipe] 
 I ll see you get well looked after soon. 
 
 BATES 
 [Desperately] 
 
 Give me a job, sir, and you ll see I m speaking the 
 truth. 
 
 DOYLE 
 
 A job? This is very unusual, Mr. Bates, a burglar 
 wanting a job at 3 in the morning. Tell me, what can 
 you do? 
 
 BATES 
 [Eagerly] 
 I can do for you 
 
 DOYLE 
 What! 
 
 BATES 
 Do for you valet you, sir 
 
 DOYLE 
 
 Oh, I beg your pardon. I mistook your meaning. 
 That s excellent, Bates. Because the man who usually 
 looks after me left me only two days ago 
 
 BATES 
 Yes, I know 
 
 DOYLE 
 [In a flash] 
 
 How do you know? 
 
BATES 
 [Mildly] 
 You ve just said so, sir. 
 
 DOYLE 
 
 H m. Allow me to remove your hat. [He examines 
 BATES old cap and then its owner.] Well now, Mr. 
 Bates, if you ve been a man-servant let s see what 
 you can make of this room, it s in a dreadful state 
 since my man was enticed away I mean, left me with 
 out warning. Supposing, for instance I see you keep 
 your own boots very clean now, start on mine over 
 there. 
 
 BATES 
 
 [Getting up] 
 Them boots over there? 
 
 DOYLE 
 
 "Them boots over there" exactly. If you ve been a 
 man-servant you ll be used to the job, won t you if. 
 
 BATES 
 Use this brush, sir? 
 
 DOYLE 
 
 Yes, come along, Mr. Bates. [BATES sets to work by 
 breathing vigorously on the boot.] 
 
 DOYLE 
 
 Bravo, Mr. Bates, that s the proper spirit. Ever been 
 in the dock before, Bates? 
 
 BATES 
 Yes, sir once. 
 
 DOYLE 
 When was that? 
 
 BATES 
 May last. Marylebone Court. 
 
 [US] 
 
DOYLE 
 
 [Going to telephone] 
 "May last Marylebone Court" 
 
 BATES 
 [Strongly] 
 
 You ain t going to give me up, sir? 
 
 DOYLE 
 
 Oh, come, Mr. Bates ; you ve taken your first lesson in 
 burglary, why not your first in gaol? 
 
 BATES 
 Won t you listen to me, sir 
 
 DOYLE 
 
 Certainly you go on with your boots, don t mind me. 
 [At telephone.] Hullo! Put me through to Scotland 
 Yard, please. Yes, Scotland. [BATES moves quickly 
 to the window.] Now, Mr. Bates, go on with your 
 boots and come in. [BATES resumes his brushing.] 
 Now, whilst we re waiting, I m all attention. 
 
 BATES 
 
 My master, I was with him fer ten years, sir, then he 
 died. 
 
 DOYLE 
 
 Did he, that was very tactless of him [At telephone.] 
 Hullo! ! Scotland Yard? It s Mr. Doyle speaking, 
 Mr. Doyle, yes. I want you to look up the record of 
 one Bates yes, William Bates, May last, Maryle 
 bone, convicted of of [to BATES] what was it, 
 Mr. Bates? 
 
 BATES 
 Petty larceny. 
 
 [116] 
 
DOYLE 
 [Through the telephone] 
 
 Petty larceny it was ! and as quickly as you can, please 
 the gentleman s waiting for the answer What? 
 have I heard any news of the cracksman? Oh, yes, 
 when I get him [slowly] as I shall get him [to 
 BATES] go on with your boots, Mr. Bates I can 
 promise you a big sensation. Thank you. [Putting 
 the receiver down.] Now, Mr. Bates, continue your 
 sad story. 
 
 BATES 
 
 Well, I was out of work, sir, and the wife was ill. I 
 went out day after day, but there was nothing for me. 
 Then I went to a gentleman what I worked for before. 
 They showed me into the dining room there was a 
 couple of sovereigns on the mantelpiece all I wanted 
 to save us both I couldn t elp it. I took em. They 
 caught me and now, Mr. Doyle, give me a chance, 
 sir, give me a chance. 
 
 DOYLE 
 
 Come, Mr. Bates, don t give way! Remember what is 
 due to your position you re a burglar, remember now 
 not a valet! [He picks up telephone receiver.] 
 Hullo, yes? 
 
 BATES 
 [Wildly] 
 You re going to give me up 
 
 DOYLE 
 Quiet ! ! 
 
 BATES 
 You are! You re going to give me up! [Making a 
 
dash for the table he seizes DOYLE S revolver and 
 points it at him.} Mr. Doyle! I m a desperate man. 
 I don t want to do you no arm, but if you don t come 
 away from that there telephone I swear to Gawd I ll 
 put a bullet through yer! 
 
 DOYLE 
 
 You can t. It s not loaded. [For a moment BATES is 
 taken aback, and in the instant DOYLE picks a small 
 repeater out of his pocket.} Now, this one is loaded! 
 Drop it Mr. Bates, drop it! drop it! ! [BATES puts 
 it down.] That s right. No, perhaps you d better 
 hand it over here. Yes, come along. 
 
 DOYLE 
 
 [BATES hands it over. DOYLE takes it quickly.} You 
 shouldn t take my word for all these things, Mr. Bates 
 yours was the loaded one yes, that one. Sit down, 
 Mr. Bates, sit down. [BATES sinks down into the 
 chair by the table.} What s that? [At telephone.} 
 Oh! "Convicted six weeks first offence." Thank 
 you, that s all I wanted to know. [He rings off-} 
 Come, Mr. Bates [he lays his hand on his shoulder}, 
 don t give way, remember what s due to your position, 
 you re a valet again now not a burglar. 
 
 BATES 
 You mean, sir 
 
 DOYLE 
 
 I ll give you another chance and take you into my 
 service. 
 
 BATES 
 But, sir 
 
 [118] 
 
DOYLE 
 [Kindly] 
 
 That s all right. You ve made a very good beginning. 
 [Picking up his boots.] Now, Bates, your room is on 
 the top floor, have your supper and go to bed. [As 
 he goes.} Breakfast at eight-thirty, Bates and there 
 is a bathroom. [He goes out. The moment he is gone, 
 BATES springs up; in a second his hair, overcoat, etc., 
 etc., have disappeared, leaving a keen, youngish- 
 looking man in evening dress.] 
 
 RAIKE 
 
 [As he goes to the telephone] 
 
 If Jimmy fails to find that letter [He cuts the tele 
 phone cord. Then he goes to the window. He speaks 
 to JIMMY outside.] Have you got it? Search then 
 until you do. Leave this room to me. You know the 
 signal? The light twice. [The man shows a flash on 
 the window twice.] That s it. [Comes back, turns up 
 the rug under which he has hidden his tools, puts on 
 the head light, picks up his drill, connects it to the 
 battery, and turns out the light, saying, "Come on, you 
 can t stand against this," and he plies the drill round 
 the lock, the sparks flying in all directions. The noise 
 of the drill prevents his hearing the window softly 
 open and DOYLE corn-ing through. He stands in the 
 window and then comes quietly down until he can be 
 seen in the red glow from the fire. Seeing the cracks 
 man working like fury, he smiles and calmly takes a 
 chair and watches. It is finished. The heavy door of 
 the safe is wrenched open. With an exclamation of 
 joy the cracksman puts up the lights and turns to find 
 DOYLE regarding him gravely.] 
 
 [119] 
 
DOYLE 
 [Gently] 
 
 Have you found what you want? [RAIKE makes a 
 movement and in a second DOYLE is on his feet mean 
 ing business.] Take care, you re no longer the harm 
 less Mr. Bates, and I shan t have the same hesitation 
 over shooting you don t worry yourself, that letter lies 
 where neither you nor anyone but myself will ever 
 find it, and tomorrow the world will be amazed at 
 the identity of its J. K. Raike with the elusive author 
 of so many famous robberies 
 
 RAIKE 
 [Angrily] 
 
 Don t flatter yourself, the letter is here, I know, 
 and my men can find anything I trained them 
 myself 
 
 DOYLE 
 [Relaxing] 
 
 Good! We shall see. Now let s have a look at each 
 other. H m, so we meet at last. But I believe I am 
 the first to meet you in your true capacity. 
 
 RAIKE 
 
 Yes, you ve been trying to meet me for some time. 
 [Extending his hand.] How do you do? 
 
 DOYLE 
 
 And now I ve got you I m going to keep you. [Shak 
 ing his hand carefully, ] I am quite well, thank you. 
 
 RAIKE 
 And how long am I to have this pleasure? 
 
 [120] 
 
DOYLE 
 
 I should say my friends will be here in less than five 
 minutes. 
 
 RAIKE 
 Friends ? A little supper party in my honour, eh ? 
 
 DOYLE 
 No, an escort in your honour. 
 
 RAIKE 
 Police. 
 
 DOYLE 
 
 Police! I took the precaution of sending for them. 
 [Pointing to telephone.] I keep another telephone be 
 sides the one you so ingeniously cut! 
 
 RAIKE 
 In five minutes, you said? 
 
 DOYLE 
 Hardly that now. 
 
 RAIKE 
 
 Now look here, Doyle, it s not for myself I m asking 
 It s for a woman. I want to appeal to you as a man, 
 not a detective 
 
 DOYLE 
 I m a detective only. 
 
 RAIKE 
 H m, that won t do 
 
 DOYLE 
 Try something else 
 
 RAIKE 
 
 Supposing I say I ll give myself up if [but at this 
 moment DOYLE S back is turned to the window. The 
 
 [121] 
 
light of an electric torch is seen to flash twice outside. 
 RAIKE sees it and he regains his self-confidence.] Now 
 look here, Doyle as a sportsman. You say the police 
 will be here in four minutes ? Well, it s now four minutes 
 to four. I ll bet you a level two hundred pounds that I 
 leave this room free, and have that particular letter 
 that I came for by the stroke of the clock. 
 
 DOYLE 
 
 [Half to himself] 
 Now what s the little game? 
 
 RAIKE 
 Is it a bet? 
 
 DOYLE 
 
 As a sportsman I ll take you. 200 and about 
 [looking at the clock] four minutes to go! [showing 
 revolver] Let s sit down and have a little chat we 
 three. 
 
 RAIKE 
 
 Put away your revolver and I ll make it five hundred 
 pounds. 
 
 DOYLE 
 Five hundred! You must be very sure of yourself. 
 
 RAIKE 
 I am. 
 
 DOYLE 
 
 So am I. So I ll take you 500 and less than four 
 minutes to go. [The two men begin to watch every 
 movement of the other.] Have a drink. [As RAIKE 
 reaches for decanter.] No, don t trouble, I ll pour it 
 out! [as he does so] a decanter is too much like a 
 weapon. I have to be careful. 
 
 RAIKE 
 
 Yes, you re naturally suspicious, I suppose. 
 
 [122] 
 
DOYLE 
 
 Not at all. Have it neat. [As RAIKE takes it, his hand 
 slides from the glass on to the table, but DOYLE picks 
 up the unpleasant-looking paper-knife just in time.] 
 And don t be childish and play with knives. [He takes 
 that and the decanter, etc., away and lights a candle.] 
 And let me warn you not to revert to physical force 
 I happen to know a thing or two about that. 
 
 RAIKE 
 We each choose our own methods. 
 
 DOYLE 
 
 [Having lighted a candle] 
 
 In case you should think of turning out the lights. 
 [Looking at the clock.] Time s getting on very nicely. 
 My friends will be well on their way here now. Get 
 ting nervous? 
 
 RAIKE 
 
 Not a bit. Are you ? Ah, I forgot, you re not a man, 
 you re only a detective. [They are sitting on opposite 
 sides of the table.] 
 
 DOYLE 
 I m afraid you are inclined to be sentimental. 
 
 RAIKE 
 
 [Lowering his voice] 
 I am. And I thank God for it, my cold-blooded friend. 
 
 DOYLE 
 
 That s why you re here now ; the moment I knew there 
 was a woman in the case I knew there was no hope 
 for you. 
 
 RAIKE 
 
 [Springing up and making for window] 
 We shall see. 
 
 DOYLE 
 [Strongly] 
 The window is closed 
 
 RAIKE 
 
 [Turning to the door] 
 The window is closed ! 
 
DOYLE 
 [Rising] 
 
 And the door is locked ! 
 
 RAIKE 
 [Subsiding] 
 And the door is locked. 
 
 DOYLE 
 
 Oh, yes. The door s locked we re quite cosy here. 
 Sit down. [He edges round behind RAIKE, then goes 
 quickly to the door.] At least the door wasn t locked, 
 but the door s locked now ! [But he turns the key 
 backwards instead of forwards as RAIKE swings round 
 with his glass. ] Don t trouble to throw that ! ! ! 
 
 RAIKE 
 
 [Coolly drinking] 
 Good health! 
 
 DOYLE 
 
 Cheer-O! Have a cigarette whilst we wait for the 
 police? 
 
 RAIKE 
 Thanks ! [ DOYLE hands him a box.} 
 
 DOYLE 
 
 They re your own brand I brought a few from your 
 flat yesterday thinking you might like them. 
 
 RAIKE 
 
 [Tapping the cigarette] 
 You are thoughtfulness personified. 
 
 DOYLE 
 [Quietly] 
 
 I wonder what your little game is you haven t long 
 for it, you know don t trouble to feel in your pockets 
 for a match use mine. [He gives him a light. RAIKE 
 takes one puff and seizes DOYLE S wrist and bends it 
 backwards, DOYLE slips his arm under, and forces it 
 back again.] 
 
DOYLE 
 
 And don t try physical force I warned you before ! ! 
 [He throws him off.] 
 
 RAIKE 
 
 Nevertheless, my confident friend, I shall be leaving 
 you in three minutes I m only warning you 
 
 DOYLE 
 
 Three minutes. [He walks to the window.} My 
 friends will be at the top of the lane and coming 
 towards us now sit down and wait for them. [Knock 
 ing out his pipe.] And so the greatest cracksman of 
 the day comes to grief directly there s a woman in the 
 case. That letter to you charming though it is will 
 form the most damning piece of evidence against you. 
 Why Why did you ever let a woman meddle in your 
 affairs. 
 
 RAIKE 
 I love her. 
 
 DOYLE 
 
 [Contemptuously] 
 "Love her" ! 
 
 RAIKE 
 
 Doyle! Do you know what you miss by being in 
 human? by being a machine? Why, man, when I 
 think of all your dreary existence, I tell you that in the 
 midst of all your greatest success, I pity you 
 
 DOYLE 
 Oh, indeed. 
 
 RAIKE 
 A woman can be worth any risk. 
 
 DOYLE 
 
 Even this ? Will she love you any more, do you think, 
 when her name is associated with yours, at the trial 
 
 RAIKE 
 
 [S prinking up] 
 Doyle you ! 
 
DOYLE 
 
 Sit down, my friend. In [looking at the clock] two 
 minutes from now you will be in the hands of the 
 police and that letter will be as good as in the hands of 
 the Public Prosecutor. [As the time goes the two men 
 watch each other more and more intently. ] 
 
 RAIKE 
 
 Don t you be a fool. Listen to me. You want to bring 
 this girl s name out into a crowded court, cross-ex 
 amine her, torture her, have her humiliated by the 
 humorists of the cheap press why? don t you realize 
 what it means to one in her position? You ve enough 
 proofs to convict me a dozen times, yet out of your 
 hatred for the whole sex you choose this one, in which 
 a girl whose only crime is that she stooped low enough 
 to pity me shall be made to suffer. 
 
 DOYLE 
 
 You ll make her suffer not I 
 RAIKE 
 [Rising] 
 
 We shall see 
 
 DOYLE 
 Sit down ! 
 
 RAIKE 
 
 [Throwing away his chair] 
 
 Be damned to you fire your revolver, have a shot at 
 me ! I tell you now, Doyle, you don t stand an earthly 
 chance against me In half a minute from now I shall 
 be free and that letter will be mine ! 
 
 DOYLE 
 
 In thirty second from now, you ll be in the hands of the 
 police. 
 
 RAIKE 
 
 And do you think I shall ever allow a couple of village 
 policemen to lay hand on me! I tell you in a few 
 seconds 
 
DOYLE 
 
 In a very few seconds [There is a loud knock in the 
 distance.] Aha! my friend, you re luck s out!! 
 
 RAIKE 
 
 [Putting his back against the door] 
 I think not ! You ve got to pass me to unlock this door ! 
 
 DOYLE 
 
 Oh, no! I took the precaution of unlocking it then 
 instead of locking it try it for yourself ! Now, come ! 
 you ve got five seconds only for a stroke of genius 
 what are you going to do ? 
 
 RAIKE 
 
 [Coolly] 
 
 Nothing. [Suddenly he throws the table up on end, 
 but DOYLE is too quick for him and it just misses him. 
 The two meet in the middle of the room. DOYLE gets 
 him by the wrists, and for a second or two neither 
 shows any movement, except the strain on the muscles. 
 Then DOYLE slowly begins to bend RAIKE s arms back 
 wards. ] 
 
 DOYLE 
 
 Merely to deceive by a simplicity, eh? Come in! [An 
 INSPECTOR and a POLICEMAN come in smartly, and hold 
 RAIKE, while DOYLE snaps a pair of handcuffs on 
 him. ] Who s in charge ? 
 
 THE INSPECTOR 
 I am, sir. 
 
 DOYLF 
 
 Take him to the station and look sharp after him. I ll 
 be along as soon as I m dressed. [Quietly.] I m 
 sorry, my friend, but I m afraid you ve lost your bet. 
 
 RAIKE 
 
 My dear Doyle, there s an old adage, "A race is never 
 over until it s won." 
 
 DOYLE 
 
 [To INSPECTOR] 
 
 You ll see to that? Have the revolver you may want 
 it. 
 
 [127] 
 
RAIKE 
 
 If you get any satisfaction out of making an innocent 
 girl suffer well, I wish you luck to it ! And whatever 
 you are as a detective, as a human being you re a colos 
 sal failure ! ! [He goes out. Immediately the clock 
 strikes four. DOYLE smiles, picks up the overthrown 
 table, saying, "Five hundred pounds, yes, I hope I shall 
 get it." He picks up the candle, turns out the lights, 
 and is going, when there is a smash of glass at the win 
 dow, something heavy drops on the floor. He picks it 
 up quickly. It s a pair of handcuffs and a note. With 
 an exclamation he puts the candle on the table.} 
 
 DOYLE 
 
 [Reading note] 
 
 "Poor old Doyle! Fancy you of all people being 
 taken in by two of my own men dressed as police 
 men ii" Oh, my goodness! [He makes for the 
 window. A motor is starting a little way off. He comes 
 back, reads: "I ve got the letter and so the girl is safe. 
 Good-bye, old fellow, it s a pity you ve sold out as a 
 human being." [The noise of the car increases as it 
 passes the house and then the motor-horn gives an im 
 pertinent "toot-toot" and then the sound gradually dies 
 away.] Oh, yes, very clever, my friend, very clever. 
 You ve got away all right, haven t you? And you ve 
 got the letter too so you think ! Now, I wonder why 
 I allowed your accomplice to go on rifling my rooms 
 like this? unless it was that I got the original of 
 that letter here, my friend ! [He takes it out of pocket.] 
 And when this leaves my hands, there an end of your 
 career and hers! [Reading the note again. "It s a 
 pity you ve sold out as a human being" All right, 
 my friend, we ll leave the woman out of it then, and 
 we ll start again just you and I square! [He puts 
 the edge of the letter in the candle flame, and after a 
 second or two lights his pipe by it, and the curtain 
 falls. 
 
 [128] 
 
L ENVOI 
 
L ENVOI 
 
 Children of mine, go forth into the world, 
 For good or ill, for censure or for praise, 
 Till now my very own, in comradeship 
 Rejoicing ever when the day was done. 
 
 1 brought thee forth at night, when streets were still, 
 
 Save for the footsteps of some traveler 
 
 Upon the echoing pavement underneath. 
 
 I cradled thee in love and sympathy: 
 
 White stars thy watchers through the shining night ; 
 
 The full-orbed moon did bathe thee with its light ; 
 
 Dark clouds oft-times thy sombre coverlet ; 
 
 The thunder s roll across the midnight sky 
 
 Thy voice of protest or thy cry of pain. 
 
 A diverse band are ye, my children dear : 
 Some light and gay, with merry laughing eyes, 
 While others heavy, dark, dispensing hate, 
 Or plotting gainst the sacred rights of man ; 
 And ye, the loved of all, the pure in heart, 
 True, loyal ones, with highest motives blest, 
 Obeying duty s voice, and country s call. 
 
 Go forth into the busy world of men, 
 Cheering the downcast, making strong the weak, 
 Inciting by example bravest deeds, 
 Inspiring by thy spirit loftiest aims. 
 
As ye fare forth I walk not with thee more, 
 Another hand shall gird thee, other lips 
 Shall voice thy thoughts, but whether well or ill, 
 Ye still shall be my children, and the love 
 Wherewith I loved thee in the early days 
 Shall be thine own forever. Fare thee well. 
 
 CHARLES E. ALLEN 
 
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