STACK ANNEX THE LIBRARY OF THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LOS ANGELES FREDERIC THOMAS BLANCHARD ENDOWMENT FUND THE WRONGHEADS' POEM. Infcrib'd to Mr. P P E. By a PERSON of QJJALITY. Ille Jiniftrorfum y ~hic dextrorfum alit; unus tttriqut Error, fed variis illtfditpartibus. . Ho R. LONDON Printed, And, Dublin Re-printed, by J A M E s H o E Y, at the MERCURY ia ^Mwr-JW, oppofite to the Molfel, I 73} . THE WRONG HE ADS: A POEM. SHALL knaves and fools command the world's ap.. applaufe, And cenfure 'fcapc, becaufe they 'fcape the laws ? No Pope forbids, and, fir'd with honeft rage, Refblves to mend, as well as charm the age ; Nor fears the caufe of virtue to defend, Nor blufhes to confefs himfelf her friend. Hail, gcn'rousbard ! fair virtue fmiles to fee Thy toil, defign'd by her and heav'n for thee. Bravely proceed ; chaftife the vain, the proud, Nor heed the murmurs of the guilty crowd ; Point out the follies of the rich and great ; Mark the Plebean foul diguis'd in ftatc; Difclofe the meannefs of the P g/u *?Vd train ; Thy theme will laft while fools and knaves remain, Behold, you little fage, the orphan's curfe, \Vithmore than tf&Pv's plunder in his pnrfe, In 22240^3 t^fit-j y\j tS2y C 43 In 1 plenty ftarving, and with wealth unblefs'd, Not full, (till craving more, of mttch poflefs'd ; At Mammon's fhrine fame, virtue, faith lays down. And pawns his venal foul for half a crown ; The fordid arts of profit ftill purfues, Nor dares one mite of all his treafure ufe. Untouch'd the hoarded fum ignobly lies, Nor eafe, nor pleafure, nor content fupplies. Gredt was his blifs in heaping up the ftore, That toil once pafs'd, he can enjoy no more : The crowded Bags unpleas'd his eyes behold, The joy is over when the fum is told. Nor further can his fordid mirid conceive^ Nor ought of blifs beyond can riches give. A breaft fo void no gen'rous pity fills, Unmov'd at others good and others ills : In vain the naked ask, the hungry teafe ; Nor clothes td thbfe he gives, nor bread to thefe. Think not, to others wants his hand^ fupplies What almoft to himfelf his heart denies. Curs'd with a niggard foul the wretch repines, And grudges the expence whene'er he dines : Tho* beef twice-boil'd his meal, with P - M'S bub, And fix-pence chang'd defrays the frugal club. What means this care, this voluntary pain, Riches unus'd, and treafures heap'd in vain ? r 5.] Is it to blefs. at the laftgalp of life, The virtuous daughter, or the faithful wife * Is it to raife a (on to pow'r and fame, And on a firm foundation build a name ? No. ftrangcrs muft perform his oblequies; Nor tender wife remains to clofe his eyes, Nor fbn, nor daughter to attend his bier, And o'er his breathlefs body fheda tear. Friend lefs he lives, will unlamented die, Without a tear, a forrow T or a figh ; While foreign hands his ill -got treafures fhare, And riot waftes the wealth he lov'd to fpare. Thus all the miter's fruitlefs labours end, Alike to others and himfelf a friend. Thus perifli all, vhofe harden'd hearts rcfiife To fhare thofe bleflings they can never ufe ; The fame their merit, and the fame their lor, Defpis'd when living, and when dead forgot. In life's laft ftage, Senecio fain wou'd wed, And fmit with dotage courts the marriage-bed: Full of the wifdom of his fixty years, He fancies youth returns with filver hairs. Firft at the ball, and foremoft at the play, Awkwardly vain, and impotently gay, He drefles, powders, dances; fighs, and fwears, And talks of wounds, and charms and op'ra airs. Fend Fond man be wife, thy weak attempts forbear, Nor hope to pleafe the young, the gay, the fair. Brisk Coquetitta fees thy fancy'd pain ; Her tongue fpeaks anger, and her eyes difdain; From thy fepulchral arms with horror runs, And, like difeafe, thy cold embraces fhuns : Her heart now burns with all love's youthful fires," Warm wiflies, eager hopes, and fierce defires. Thefource of joys fprings mutual from the heart, Which only they can feel who can impart. Thy calm dull length of life no paffion knows, No genial ardour in thy bofbm glows ; Thro* frozen veins thy lazy currents move, And nature tells thec, 'tis too late to love, Obferve that loving pair of doubtful fame, Alike in all things, if alike in name. How well their humours and affe&ions join. The joys of Venus with the joys of wine ! How high the raptures, and the flames how great, When Bacchus helps to make the blifs compleat ! Blefs'd union, which from minds exhalted flows, And far beyond the reach of reafon glows ! Let fober prudes feverer morals teach, And gravely pra&ife what they gravely preach \ Let female tongues the gen'reus deed aflail, Let envy Iheer, and pride inceffant rail ; Let [7] Let the whole town condemn, let malice blaft j Love and a bottle are the joys that lair. Mark how the TorkJbireV r courts a name, The boaft of fchifm, and the priefthood's ihame s Vext with his mother C h he lifts his head, And damns the means by which he gets his bread ; Sworn fcourge to B ps, and fworn foe to fenfc, "With little learning, and great impudence, Repeats the old, dull, vile invectives o'er Of pride and prieftcraft, and the Roman whore ; At all religions fliakes his impious rod, And pays his more honour than his God. Write B , write, while Osborne joys to fee A lecond *fLs&*.l thus revile in thee : True to the laft the good old caule defend, And may thy labours like B j's end . Who wou'd not laugh the frantic zeal to fee Of B B B and M ? Sage H counfels from the chair in vain, While (chifm growls and bites th' uneafy chain. O S r~S / / what conflicts haft thou known, What ftrife, what rage, what dilcords, all thy own ! Mad with the projects of miftaken zeal, Thy patriots flight the bleffings which thy feel ; With eafe grown want on, with indulgence bold, They ask new favours, and forget the old; And, [8] And, like their bleft forefathers, long to prove That neck or nothing is the pace they love. Ye wild continuers of an air-built fcheme, Awake to fcnfe, and think your hopes a dream ; In caution, prudence, and in peace excel, Learn wifHora, be content, and know you're well : For this the moral of this tale purfue ; The tale is old, die application's new. Itchanc'd a maftiff (as fome authors fay) Once made a quarter of a fheep his prey ; Safe thro' the level mead in hafte he hies, And feems contented with the welcome prize : But when he tries the neighb'ring ftream topafs, And downward looks upon the wat'ry glafs, Another quarter in the mirror clear, ^ Did all Co fat, and like his own appear, V No dog, that mutton lov'd, cou'd well forbear : j The fair reflected image glides before, And tempts his glutton maw with hopes of more. Then thus he reafbns : now I plainly fee One fhare's too fcanty for a dog like me.- Why'to my lot fhou'd one poor quarter fall ? Ev*n half's too little, when I merit all. Of half my fervice a demand may make, Then half, in juftice to myfelf, I'll take, Thus Thus he refolves^ then ftrains with all his might, To catch the image which deceives his fight : Eager he opens his rapacious chops, Quits his firm hold, and down the booty drops j But finds his av'rice, by his folly erefs'd, To gain a fliadow had the fubftance loft. Lo Bentley like unto a monarch ftands, And deals out cenfures with unfparing hands : O'er all the land of letters reigns alone ; Bids Greece and Rome pay homage to his throne ; Calls all the fons of wit to fliow their claim, And prove their right to everlafting fame. In vain they plead that time their titles clears, A long pofleffion of a thoufand years ; That ages paft cou'd ne'er in qucftion draw, Nor in their antient tenure find a flaw. In vain : he muft revife their old pretence, Review their right to poetry and fcnle; Alter, correct, and mould them to his mind, And make them fpeak the words they leaft defign'd. Enough, dread critic, to thy fpleen is given ; Sure you and learning now are fairly even. Content, enjoy thy triumphs gain'd, at laft, Nor think to add new glories to the paft : But fpight of fev'nty hold thy murdering quill, And fuffer .4/i/f to be Milton QAM. C 10] All fay Sir Vainlwe^ fine eftate is fled ; Vet ftill works on his maggot-breeding head. Extended vifta's now are all his care, And diftant hills thro' op'ning glades appear : From field to field his eye delights to romc, While things of ufe unheeded reft at home. Within, what fums in furniture are loft, In garrets hid, or into corners toft ! Rich beds, in dufty chefts neglected laid, The matter's vain unmeaning coft upbraid. In naked rooms fee Verio's figures ftare, To ihame the lavifh hand that plac'd them there. The whole an inconfiftent fcene we find, A perfect emblem of the owner's mind ; Where all appears in wild diforder caft, And that which fhou'd be firft ftill proves the laft. Now hounds and horfes are his only joy, And all the huntfman's toils his thoughts employ. But hold, fomc true dwarf beagles muft be found Fit for a pigmy 'fquire on fairy ground. *Tis done ; the Lilliputian pack's compleat, So ftaunch, tho* fmall, fo loud, and yet fofweet ; They wait the call, impatient to be try'd : And let them wait ; the knight muft IcSrn to ride* To books his curious fancy then he turns, And with the learned hint impatient burns; Sage Sage G . . applauds the wife defign, And in the pleating task vouchfafes to join : And lo! the flielves the fhining volumes grace, So nicely fitted to the rneafur'd fpace : Quarks, Bunyan, Blackmore, Dennis, tfoland, And tells his for rows to th* unpitying skies : Not/^/^/, whenflie perceiv'dher hopes delay'd, And three whole years a wife, ftill prov'd a maid, Was e'er with fuch impatient wiflies toft, As he to find his favourite purpofe cros'd. Lo ! thefe the toils thy infpirarion own, Inventive folly, thele thy deeds atone. Reafon in vain directs the guiding rule, And arts but polifli to compleat the fool. The mifer's wants, the atheift's impious (theme, The pedant's taftc, the fpendthrift's golden dream; Such are the gifts thele fruitful fprings impart, An empty head, and a corrupted heart : But thefe are only part ; a num'rous train, Inverted rules, miftaken fchemes remain ; To name them all wou'd tire ten Vemphrs tongues, Or Gibber's b&2**day mufe, or BudgePs lungs. . F / N I S.