DA 1 501 1807 UC-NRLF $B 751 737 ^^'' p AN THE (groans of tfje Calents ; '-TT- OR, PRIVATE SENTIMENTS ON PUBLIC OCCURRENCES. '«•»< ii\r SIX £PrsTLEg FROM CERTAIN EX-MINISTERS TO THEIR COLLEAGUES, MOST WONDERFULLY INTERCEPTED. ' TO WHICH ARE ADDED NOTES, CRlTICAti EXPLANATORY, AND EDIFYING. I Non tali ingemo nee defensoribus i&tis, Terapus egit. VtRoiL. So spake th' apostate Angels, though in pain ; Vaunting ^loud, but racked with deep despair,— Milton, HonUOtt : PRINTED FOR TIPPER & RICHARDS^ LEADENHALL-STREET. By J. D. Dewick, Aldersgate-street, ^ ,1807, I «o7 A -.^ "^ r » . ••M f • at ADVERTISEMENT. The Public will easily per- ceive that we obtained posses- sion of the following inter- cepted Epistles by no dis- honorable means. M84825 . -'T/IT'/'; 01 V}:} rr>iu PREFACE, Actuated by no motiv e but the love of our Country, the Advocates, not of Party, but of genuine Patriotism ; and the Foes, not of any particular set of men, but of disloyalty, arrogance, and imbecility, we offer the following r JP^g^s to the world with that confi- dence which rectitude of intention universally inspires. Our subject, VI however is of that natiire which never fails to provoke the Kterary drones iDf servihty and faction; and the jfJnfc^ will, most probably, be inforrtiedy through the medium of a Letter to the Earl of Moira^^ or some btniir equally noroel and interesting ehan* nel, that we are the most unprincipled ft* ♦The press was recently glutted with letters ad- dressed to this vain but amiable nobleman ; one of which, and that too the vilest and most contemptibfe of the whole collection, was imprudently stated to be published hy authority ; the author signs himself (we hope, for the honor of the profession, unjustly^ «' A Barrister/^ This would-be-learned gentleman attempted to prove ^ that the P. of W. could do no wrong, and that Mr. Sh«._n was the most imma- culate of honest men^ but only succeeded in provingi himself an illiterate blockhead, ^v--- ^Cl ^iJ4/iu4> 4 i ..>^:-. It w- Vll and slanderous knaves that ever weildt ed the scourge of Satire. Those who write on political sub- j^t« must not expect their works to be criticised with impartiality; for the spirit of party has infused itself into all those periodical publications which pretend to direct, but which in reality are only calculated to mislead^the pub- lic taste. An author is never tried by the laws of wit and science, but is condemned or applauded accordingly as his political principles agree or dis- agree with those of his monthly arbi- I tef#f «nd it would be equally ridi- '" culous for any man to suffer his judg- I Vlff ment to be influenced by the opinions of Reviewers, as by the dramatic cii^jr ticisms in the columns of the News.* Perhaps the tide of party rancour never rose higher than at the present momei^t : even the respect due to the virtues, person, and authority of our Sovereign, has been sacrificed at the dirine of factious and disappointed party. 'r37on i: We are free to confess, that when the late Administration came into of- fice, a majority of the nation, in con- * A Sunday Newspaper, whose criticisms on the drama are sometimes^ laughable, alwap illiberal, and ir: junction with themsehes^ werelbM Si the praises of their Talents, but Ho** race very justly observes, " Unius assis Non unquatn pretio pluris licuisse, notaot^ ^^,.^^. Judice, quern nosti, pepuJp, qui stuluts honores Saepe dat indignis, et famae servit ineptus/* ^!:*ixl For ourselves, however, we must declare that, although we had a high opifiion of the sturdy patriotism of a G — -^lle and a S r, we beheld with deep We'^ gret their coalition with men of dis- cordant principles, and foreboded no^ thing but imbecility and evil fiTwn the monstrous union. Happy had it been for England, if liie Almighty had arrested the arm of Death when raised against the illust; trious and incorruptible William Pitti^ « Gui pudor, et justitiae ^or^ v^. : ^v i; x Incorrupta fides nudaque Veritas. Quanflo ullum invenient parem? n >f ^.Y/ Multis ille bonis flebilis occidit,'* - . s The chief political enemy of this gr^at man survived him not many months^ but liv'd sufficiently long to be an ad- ditional example to the jiatiQW, that those who are loudest in their profes^ sions of patriotism, are generally the i]|p|t for ward in the practice, pf ty r9xiny> ^^ Robespiere, Marat, and even the present little monster of the French, were th^ deepT^guih'd. gjbampions, of liberty, until they had the opportunity of becoming tyrants ; and Mr. -~— .--^ while out of office, was continually raving about the Rights of the People, which, on his accession to power, he violated by two of the most flagrant acts of despotism that ever corrupt minister had the temerity to adopt; "Mr. — — . fortunately for the rem- nant of his tatter 'd reputation, is no tnore, but we may now expect to see his worthy disciples revert to their [ former disgraceful practices ; and, ' should Heaven, happily for these realms, preserve the life of our graci- tons Sovereign till another general elec-* I tion, we venture to predict, that they will have the effrontery to beeome^^ Qiice more, the advocates of anarchy arid Sir F. B— tt: yea, and also (iL they can thereby embarrass his Mar' jesty's councils) of impeachment , and j^ames Paull. Cofisistency of conduct can never be expected from such cha^ racters, and yet the effects of their induct hav^ hitherto proved mo^ disgracefully consistent. Whether in - or out of office, whether as brawling patriots, or arbitrary ministers, th^y have unijformly caused uneasiness to their M~n~ch, and embarrassment to his government. Still, howiever^ they have, in pne solitary achieve^i- Igient, merited the warmest gratitu4€t of their country. It is scarcely neces- sary to observe, that we allude to their recent political suicide^ We consider the humanity and po^ Ucy of the Slave Trade Abolition Bill to be extremely problematical, and even if any beneficial consequences diould ultimately result from that bold experiment, the merit will be solely due to its original promoters, qf whose integrity and humane inten- tions there can be no difference of opinion; but what can be thought, c^ thatin^i^'s purity, whp,.jfJl^gtJi% Lij|g£^sure w^. first agitated^ commis-:. sfoned a:persoii:^i6: tJie! West Indies to purchase every slave that could h^ iniet -withy that they might be re-sold at .a .considerable^ profit wheii the African trade should cease, and tKeh stood up to reprobate this " detestable traffic in human beings T^ Gentle reader, if you doubt the existence of such a man, seek him among the noble members of the Whig Club, and you will doubt no longer. Of the present ministers, we shall only observe, that they possess our unlimited confidence, for we cannot but augur that vigor and decision will mark the conduct of men whe xy have never suffered their opinions to he shaken by popular clanK)ur, nor attempted to establish a meretricious reputation by imposing on public cre^ dulity. ^iii I : ■ A:^r ■ ibn^ m^i ton/yE ■ iiOU^ii^L . ^.ciw ix'^m \c^ ' t l.^a TX o? ciioiabjo ilodi kyi^^t!3 mon. J. THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS, JEPISTLE J, FROxM THE RIGHT HON. L D E E TO THE RIGHT HON. L D H Y P Y. Donee labantes consillo patres* Firmaret auctor nunquam alias dato> Interque fnocrentes amicos^ Egregius properaret exul. HoR. Lib. 3. v. 5. 1. Dear P -y, / am sick at heart, / fear weVe play'd a foolish part ; r I^m vex'd beyond expression ;' / lik'd my station monstrous well : / hate, as / do flames of h^I, My forcible egression. •!• > " ■ ■ , I „ I . . . * Senatores. z t ^y forcible egression.'] The epithet forcible is extremely jttatural for a Law Lord to adopt, and surely it is equally correct THE GROANS 0¥ THE TALENTS. 2. / little thought, when / approv'd * ; ; ; Tliti piU which H k lately mov'd, . ; ; I ^>h'^uld,so shortly rue it. /vow /would, had /suspected That we should all he thus ejected, 4 a- Rather be d -d than do it.* to talk of 2L forcible egression as a forcible entry 5 for an explana- tion of which, vide Jac. Law. Diet. — ^Black. Com. — Vin. Ab.— Co. Inst.— Hal. P. C— Hawk. P. C. &c. &c. ; that is, if you can understand what authors these vulgar contractions are meant to express. * I little thoughty when I approv'd, bfc] We imagine his Lordship only wishes to be understood, that he so far approved the measure, as to have promised not to oppose it in the House of L— ds, and no farther ; this is the only way we can reconcile the sentence with his public declarations. -f I vow I would, had I suspected That we should all be thus ejected^ Rather be d d than do it. The learned Lord is here guilty of some trifling confusion of I "Inoods and tenses, but the sublimity with which it enables him to .j conclude the stanza is more than a sufficient excuse for any gram- 38feiatkaJ excor. THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 3. Seated on the Bench so high, In the K g's Court of C y, I seemM a very god ; * While half-stan^M lawyers gaping round, Waited with reverence most profound. The sanction of my nod, .4. The station was too high for Ego if My head was seiz'd with a vertigo ; Like Phaeton / fell: Or Satan, who was headlong thrown, As Milton has most clearly shown, From Heav'n to burning H — 11. * / seemd a very God.] Credo eqiiidem, nee vana fides, genus esse deorum. Virg. t The station was too high for Ego.] How modest of his Lordship, when speaking of himself, (which he never does but upon very important occasions) to prefer his old and humble ap- pellation, Ego, to all the high-sounding titles he has since ob- tained. B 2 THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. .5. /, with the self same meelmess blest A^Jird * the fallen angel's breast, Like him will kiss the rod: Fm void of passion, void of pride ; ] A C- T they'll ne'er provide So good as /, by G— dlf * Asjird the fallen AngeVs breast.] We have hitherto been accustomed to consider meekness rather of a frigid than a fery nature ; but perhaps his Lordship may allude to a species pecu- liar to himself ^nd^-Lxicifei'l f 1*711 void of passion, void of pride, ji C — '^ they'll neer provide So good as I, ly G — d! Those who are unacquainted with the excessive modesty of the ex C r, would Iiardly believe it possible for so great a personage to be wholly without pride or passion, had not his Lordship incontestably proved the truth of his declarations by the beautiful example wlrich immediately follows them. Certainly no C ■ — — r (whose time was so amazingly occu^ pied by dinners, balls, and routs) ever paid more attention to the duties of his exaUed office than Lord E re; if any one •doubt the truth of this assertion, let him listen to the following tale, and blush at his incredulity: THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 6 6. Ah ! little thought /, on that day, When stocking-less * / took my way From Edinburgh to town, That / should ever rise so kigh^ And therefore could nqt think that / Should come so rudely down. It is necessary to premise that the L — d C r is, ex officio, the guardian of all lunatics : impressed with the import- ance of this charge, Lord E was recently taking the air, when he beheld a parcel of unfeeling wretches persecuting a poor unfortunate puppy, whom they reported to be mad. — " Stand out of the way," exclaimed his Lordship, " if the dog be insane, it is my duty to protect him ;" thus having said, he caught the animal in his arms, and bore him in triumph to Lincoln's-Inn- Fields. It must be a vast consolation to Lord E. that his dis- missal from office will not wholly prevent his exertions in favor of lunatics, particularly as it is more than probable that some of his Lordship's nearest political connexions will, ere long, require his humane assistance. N B. We have just heard that some very a' arming symptoms of hydrophobia have already appeared among the ex-ministers, ^nd that his Lordship's friends 2ire falling off' very fast* * IFhen stockinglessy t^c] According to Mingay, this epilhot h peculiarly correct. *« Tlie story is somewhat mustv," but we '3 . TAB GROANS OF '''HE TALENTS. 7. My P — y, how we shook our heels, In rigadoons and Scottish reels, At Sb n's* election ; While all the world agreed a jig Display'd the Ch-- r's great wig •* To wonderful perfection. must beg to relate it, by way of illustration: — Counsellor E, was retained by a certain bucklemaker against a tradesman, for an encroachment on his patent. " Gentlemen," said he, addressing the jury, "it is to the encouragement of these ingenious inveii- tions that we owe their present perfection ; how surprised would my ancestors be, if they could look out of then* graves, and be- hold the modem elegance of my buckles, shoes, and stockings." — ** True," replied Mr. Mingay, who was for the defendant, j •* your ancestors w^ould be surprised — that you had either buckles^ \ ^hoesy or stopkings to your feet/' * At Sheridan's election .] Lord E alludes to Mr. S 's election to the office of T — r of the N — ^y, or else to his re- election to the borough of St — ff— d, when he vacated his seat by acceptmg that appointment. Our readers will recollect that a- grand ball was given on that joyful occasion, at which both his Lordship and the late Ch r of the Ex -r particularly distinguished themselves— on the light fantastic toe, '-^ THE CROANS OP THE TALENTS. a, Alas ! poor wig ! both you and / Too soon are laid neglected by. Our dancing days are o'er; /llike^ dear jasey, all shall view The fall of me, and fate of you, And both alike deplore. i 9. P— — y, I^m sure that you'll agree To pardoo this apostrophe : My wig I still revere ; With consequence-bestowing grace, It deck'd my long, kan, withered face, A day, a month, a year.* * J day^ a month, a yeaT,"] His Lordship was in office exactly one year, one month, and one day, and it is an honorable proof of his great economy, that one wig sufficed him for the whole period. THE GROANS OP THE TALENTS, 10. But hark - / hear Ambition cry, '' Fie, T y E e,* fie ! O fie i Why this inglorious strain ? Cease to lament thy fallen lot, And struggle, like a trae bred Scot, To raise thyself again !/* -/ ' ■ . 11, llous'd at her call, my bosom glows. My blood once more impetuous flow.s Thro' every throbbing vein;.^^, rfjf- * Fi^^ T — y E , &e.**] Nolbiflg could have excHsed the familiarity of this ^address to so great a man, but the intimacy th^t has so long existed between the Speaker and his l-ordship. THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. With plans immense my mind grows big, And fancy gives myself and wig Our dignities again.* * Myself and wig, &c.] Here we cannot Iielp remarking, that however exuberant his Lordship's modesty may be, he never for-- gets the dignity of his exalted station ; and that whenever he has occasion to mention himself and his wig in the same sen- tence, he always gives himself due precedency: thus, ia his pathetic apostrophe to this faithfid servant (vide StaD^a 8th) ht? pientions his own fall previous to the other's fats a Catholic, her Ladyship is under the necessity of fasting upon fiib nearly one fifth of the year. THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 15 With soft persuasion, urg'd ' us to espouse. No — that was her's and th' Irish Papists loss, Not mine, nor England's.* When myself and H^k Found that our M — n — rch would not be cajol'd, Did we not truckle ? Yea, a G -llej- truckled, And turn'd and twisted, like a hunted hare, Doubling, with backward step, his former path To shun impending danger. Plighted faith, The prayers of P — ns — ^b— s, F— tzh t's groans,^ I * Not mine nor England's.] We heartily concur in his Lord- ship's private opinion on this subject. It Yea, a G-^^-^^lle truckled.] Impossible! his Lordship must be mistaken. X The prayer of P — ns-^nh — s, F^tzh — rl — Cs sighs, &c.] V Of the P — ns— nb— s we have only to observe, that one of them ? mafried Lord H— k, and ^that they are all staunch friends to catholic emancipation. Of Mrs. F — tzh — rb — rt — ** Eloquar an sileam ?" We sit as critics, and as critics we must speak our senti- ments. This Lady has so many virtues, however, that we must of necessity omit a very considerable portion, not only because they are too numerous to be contained witiiin the limits of a note, but also lest we should be suspected of partiality^ a aime ^f 16 THE ^ROAK^ OP THE TALE^ITTS. And gc Title Eck— ngh— m's imploring sighs, Were disregarded ; not to please our K — g. But to preserve our seats. Oh, vain endeavour 1* -* Our fall was destined -and the talents fell: , f; Nor fell alone, but humbled and exposed ^cutl^ • We fell unpitied, or by few lamented.* which we should deeply lament 6veh the suspicion: we shall^ therefore, content ourselves with briefly slating, that Mrs. F— ^—t is \haste as Diana, beautiful as Venus, and youthful as Hebe< That her nose is long, that her teeth were white, and that the symmetry of her form is prodigious. Still, however, we are sorry to observe— "**^ec pueris jucunda manet nee cara puelliS. ""^^^^^^ '^ "^^ Catul. Car. EpitlF*''^ As to her moral and religious excellencies, the first subject in the! land can bear witness that they are matchless— as her chastity and beauty ; for, in the goodness of her heart, she has endeavored to inculcate all her virtuous principles in his r- — I bosom : how fai* she may have succeeded, perhaps, the noble writer of the Epistle before us, can more accurately determine than ourselves* * JVefell unpitied, &c.] How flatly his Lordship here contfti-- diets the assertions of his sagacious friend, the Editor of the THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 17 Oh ! my S r, think of thy G lie's pangs, Who having bent his stubborn knee — that knee Which lust of povv^r alone could ever bend * E Was spurn'd, repulsed, kls seat of konor'\ wounded, And turn'd with all his colleagues rudely forth. . The racking thought is madness ! Was't for this Morning Chronicle, who has repeatedly assured his readers that the whole nation lamented the fall of" The Talents" with the profoundest sorrow. Speaking and feeling as individuals consti- tuting a part of the whole nation, we must declare ourselves to be of opinion, that Lord G ^' is entitled to more credit than Mr. P— rry. I' * That knee Which hist ofpowT alone could ever lend.'] Has the M s of B. never persuaded his Lordship to ku^cl ^ before a cr— o— f-^-x 1 h t Seat of honor wounded,] Vide Mr. Gillray's admirable cari- cature on this interesting sulject, which will point out to our readers whereabouts the seat of honor lies in broad-lottoms. 18 THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. I leagued with F— x*, whose very name I loath'd, Whose principles I execrated stills Was it for this I struggled to forget That Add — ngt— nf and I were ever foes. And deign'd to grant+ him a distinguis'd niche * Whose very name I loatKdj &c.] We always considered his^ Lordship's professions of friendship for Mr. F — ^ — to be merely political, and are happy to find our opinion confirmed. t That Add — g — ton and I were ever foes. 1 "Nothing appears to me less probable than to see Pitt and me at any near period (I believe I may say at no period of our lives) reconciled to, and disposed to estabhsh with Addington relations of confidence and friendship. — Fide Lord Grenville's Letter to the Marquis of Wel- lesley, in the intercepted letters found on board the Admiral Alpin East-Indiaman, page 24. X And deigned to grant him a distinguished ntche^l Who could with more propriety fill a niche in the lroad-hottom*d fabric than this noble Lord, whom Mr. S n (most unjustly, by the bye) compared to the sitting part ? It must, nevertheless, be allowed that Lord S th possesses a degree of inflexible honesty and loyalty, which must iiave been found extremely inconvenient to the JVhig branch of the late Administration- THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 19 In our hroad-hoitom^d fabric ? S'death ! my S r, ; When I reflect what offerings I have made \ At curs'd Ambition's shrine — and made in vain, Prometheus* * pangs were ectacy to mine, And Caucasus a l^aradise to Dr pm re.-f Prometheui pangs t &C.] This unhappy fellow having stolen a few hot coals from Jupiter's fire-place, for the purpose of animat- ing a pretty little image of his own manufacture, was most un- mercifully sentenced to be chained to Mount Caucasus, and fur- uish food for a voracious vulture, who continually preyed upon his immortal liver. Aristotle sends the poor devil to experience similar torture in hell. — Vide Arist. Poet. cap. 17. f Z)r — pm — re.] A noble mansion in the county of Bucks ^ to which Lord G. often retires from the Fumum et opes strepitumque Roma;}. •:*v— -.^•. > ^-r^rv;?,-.; -. . »».»^.** -yv-r^ ,'>i^'.< K^ir EPISTLE III. FROM THE RIGHT HON. R. B. S N TO THE RIGHT HON. L D H ~K. -Humor et in genas Furtim labitur, arguens Quam lentis penitus macerer ignibus^ Uror, seu mihi rubricas Turparunt fades immodicx mero Rixae. HoR. L. 1. o. 13. Alas ! I can not write nor speak,* The tears run hissing down my cheek,*!' ♦ Mas ! I can not ivrite, &c.] There is more novelty than sense in beginning an Epistle with a declaration of inability to write- but Mr. S. is of Irish extraction. t The tears run HISSING down my cheek.] How admirably does thb beautiful metaphor express the intense fervidity of Mr* S ■■ n's right honouralle cheek. 29 THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. My burning bosom vomits sighs, Like fumes which from Vesuvius rise.* Boil'd by the flames of face and nose, My brain as melted lava glows, And, like two meteors in the skies, When Northern lights disastrous rise,f Glare in their fiery sphere, mine eyes. % * Like fumes which from Vesuvius rise.] We venture to assert, that the beauty, vigor, and propriety of this and the two follow- ing images are not surpassed by any thing in the English lan- guage. t Jfhen Northern Lights disasterous rise.] The aurora borealis, or northern lights, are considered by the vulgar to forbode war and bloodshed : had this line been omitted, the beauty of the giop^jle would have been destroyed. Mr. S n's looking-glass most probably furnished him with this luminous idea. J Glare in their fiery sphmre mine eyes.] An imitation of yirgil— Oculis raicat acnbus ignis. iEN. 12. THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 95 H k, as Pm an honest man,* It was thy inconsiderate plan Which kindled this destructive fire, And fiU'd me with combustions dire. I I wish old Nick had cut your throats. Ere, influenc'd by petticoats, j- You, and your colleagues rail'd about Those cursed claims which turn'd us out. I Zounds I it was not enough for all Your heads to run against a wall, But, like a pack of thoughtless fools, You built up walls to crack your skulls. J * ^s rm an honest man.] What an asseveration ! ! ! t Ere influenced hy petticoats.'] We apprehend Mr. S. figura- tively alludes to the fair Catholics mentioned iu Lord G lie's Epistle, which see. X You luilt up walls to crack your sculls.] This is merely a poeti- cal repetition of Mr. S— — n's observation to a fellow-sufferer (i. e. one of his creditors) ; but there is little danger that the 24 THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS* First, W dh — m's act, 'bout Volunteers '* PulPd an old house about our ears/'* Then, by a vile negociation,-)* F-x vilified Administration: And when we had got over that, Sir Home was brought to trial For what ? crania of The Talents will literally meet with such a seriou$ misfortune ; for the wall to produce such a fracture must absolutely be, as Horace, expresses it, cere perennius, * Puird an old house about our ears,] A good old proyerb, and very apposite. iThen by a \l\e negociation, &:c.] Good heavens! are these Mr. S n's private sentiments ? — Can any man in his sober senses apply the epithet " vile*' to anegociation which was planned by the Friend of the People, the intimate of Talleyrand, the beloved of Bonaparte, and the most immaculate of modern whigs 1 which was conducted by a would-be Governor of our Eastera Empire^ and which ojly failed because it was— »nfMCCw*/M/, „^ ^^ THE GROANS OP THE TALENTS. 26 Because he did too much, I trow. Or perhaps St. V— nc — t will'd it so.* But, for whatever cause, ^tis plain, That he was brought to trial — in vain; For he was only reprimanded, Whilst Ministers were justly branded With such contempt and public hate. That few lament their present fate. H k, misguided, thoughtless youth,t Start not to hear me'^ speak the truth. * Because he did too much^ I trow, Or perhaps St. V- / wilVd it so.^ Doubtless very sufficient reasons for bringing this gallant officer to a court martial, particularly when his parliamentary conduct is considered. t Thoughtless youth.'] A pretty youth, truly ! X Start not to hear me speak the truth."] A most unreasonable demand! Surprise always occasions an involuntary concussion either of mind or body, and all extraordinary novelties excite 2ff THE GROANS OP THE TALENTS. Since among friends* there's no occasion For the bold lie, or nice evasion. Have I not cause to deprecate Measures which brought me to this state : Which left me loofkss^ Jishless — worse — Left scarce a guinea in my purse: Left all my duns, a clamVous throng, Hopeless who UvM on Hope so long;f saiprise ; it therefore follows, that the Right Hon. S — cr — t— ry. could not do otherwise than start at the novel and unexpected circumstance mentioned by Mr. S— — n. * Since among friends, &c.] Mr. S— — n has thought other- wise ; but then it was only among those to whom he was bound by the strictest lands — of law as well as friendship. We have heard one of these gentlemen declare, that no man understood the Sinonian art (vide Virg. M. 2. v. 69 to 195) better tlian Mr. S ^. Atque ita mentitur sic veris falsa remiscet, Primo ne mediiun, medio ne discrepet imum. HoR. ^ Hopehss-^who livdon hope so long. \ We will thank Mr. > nto tell €s the precise quantity of hope that is necessary THE GROANS OF THE TALKNTS. 27 And left that little humbug* P 11 To sneer and glory at my fall. to keep a hungry creditor in tolerable good condition : his own stock evidently improved by the additional supply they received subsequent to liis coming into office, and if Lord Sommerville, at his late cattle-shew, had offered a reward for the best hope-fed creditor, we are confident that Mr. S n would have been the successful candidate. Happy must be that dun, ' Cui spes Cui sit conditio dulcis sine pulvere, HoR. Ep. 1. V. 150. Our readers will pardon us for relating the following old story (a la Doyle) which we think somewhat apropos, A certain experimental farmer once took it into his head, that by gradually reducing the food of his cattle, he should ultimately teach them to live upon nothing. He mentioned his having made this extraordinary trial to a friend, who naturally enough en- quired how it succeeded. " Ecod !" replied the farmer, I had not an opportunity of judging, for just before I had accomplished my object, owing to some d — d unlucky cause, the beasts all died!' * Humbug P //.] We do really think tljis appellation, though certainly not very elegant, extremely applicable, both to this despicable little demagogue, and his colleagues, Sir F. B. and Messrs. H ne T ke and C—bb-t 28 THE GHOANS OF THE TALENTS, What shall I do ?* my cash is gone, And credit — I, alas I have none. My wits may furnish me agaia With Burgundy f and rich Champaigne, „, * rVhat shdl I do> Quid jam misero milii denique restaf . Virgil. f My wits may furnish me again iHth Burgundy, &c.] We imagine that this alludes to a little piece of ingenuity prac- tised not long ago on a certain innkeeper of Richmond. Boni- face boasted that he had some of the best Burgundy in England, and Mr. — wished to ascertain if he boasted justly, he there- fore ordered two dozen to be sent him by way of trial. The wine arrived, and, all things considered, the price Avas moderate, not more than eight pounds per dozen, but this was not at all material to Mr. — — who admired the flavor so much, that he resolved to have the remainder ; but the ow ner most un- reasonally refused to send it him until the first was paid for. In vain did the disappointed statesman exclaim with Horace, O cives ! cives ! quaerenda pecunia priraum est Virtus post nummos. Boniface understood him literally ^ and Mr. ■ ■ was obliged THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 29 ^o leave Richmond without the Burgundy ; he, however, had the consolation of gotting the first two dozen at the cheapest rate. Some months afterwards the clamorous innkeeper called in G*— -e street, and insisted that his bill should be paid: Mr. — — appeared very glad to see him, promised instantly to comply with his requett, and enquired if tiie remainder of the wine were sold ; being answered in the negative, he immediately quitted the room, Jor the purpose of giving honest Boniface a chec^, but perceiving Jiis carriage at the door he 'inndvertently got into it, and never even thought of giving the coachman a check till he arrived at Richmond. Mrs. Boniface, when she beheld Mr. alight, exclaimed, " Lard bless me sir, how unlucky ! my husband is gone to town on purpose to wait on your honor, and you have unfortunately raiss'd one another." " I have seen your hus- band," replied Mr. , '* and every think is settled. I have moreover purchased the remainder of that Burgundy, and you must order it to be instantly packed behind my carriage, for I have a large party to dine with me, and cstnnot wait for the usual conveyance." The good woman, elated by what she heard, gave the necessary orders, and the wine and Mr. were driveo back to London. Soon after, Boniface returned, and his wife flew to congratulate him on the success of his journey. — " Suc- cess !" exclaimed lie most furiously. " Yes, have not you seen Mr. T <* Seen him ! yes, but he gave me the slip, and be d d to him!'* A mutual eclaircismcnt now took place : the husband rav'd, the wife storm'd, and both of them swore Mr. was the d dcst s— r in Christendom. 3D tHh aEOANS OF THE TALENTS. But, driven out of Place and Court, * Ah ! where shall Sherry look for Port ? * Mr. Sh — 1 — r, wine merchant, was also duped in a somewhat similar manner, cum multis aliis, sed — Crimine ab uno Disce omnes. Virgil. * Akt where shall Sherry look for Port.] Heu quaj nunc tellus, inquit, quaeme S— «cr— rryVf intention of not even exempting his dearest con- nections from the operation of his purposed bill. Our readers must recollect that Mr. W — d — m, upon a former occasion, aa manfully maintained the Rights of bull-dogs, bulls, and fight- ing cocks, as Mr. G — y once did the Rights and Liberty of the Press.* But Mr. G — y has siace oadeavoured to shackle the one. i • See the Devil and the Patriot, a moral tale, wMch we have aCDexed The geese should have ballotted. Rather than be denied* 8. ^ Of such a corps he'd surely prove A very fit commander; For geese would willingly be drilPd By such an able gander. 9. S — m W — t — ^-d too, who of my friends Among the foremost classes, Should soon have been appointed to A regiment of asses.* * A regiment of asses.] Had Mr. W— d — m and his colleagues ^ntiDued ift office, they would have found a whole army of these i :5b THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 10. Just such a corps he headed once " , Against a noble peer, Then fiercely foam'd his fury forth, Like froth of table beer.* passive animals extremely convenient. Such troops would en* 1 dure four months confinement in narrow transports without a murmur, and patiently remain either in Falmouth harbour or elsewhere, till the Colonial Secretary had determined where to send them, or till their gallant Commander had secured his par- liamentary seat at a general election-^ added to this, they would as soon be commanded by a Irewer or Lt. Col. Cr — f-rd, as by the most experienced general in his Majesty's service. The im- patience of action and thirst of victory which distinguishes our present military forces, must have proved extremely embarrassing to the cautious and deliberate projections of the late Administra- tion. * Like freth from table beer.] It is to be observed, that Mr. W m carefully avoids comparing the foam of Mr. W d's indignant jaws, to the froth of that honorable gentleman's otvn un^ polluted beer, probably lest an action should be commenced against bim had he ventured to assimilate such deleterious matter, and the ( THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 37 11. Though justice fought on M — Iv— He's side, And S — mmy was defeated, Who can fofget how masterly The man of grains^ retreated ? immaculate spume of that most wholesome beverage. A caution which appears by no means unnecessary', when it is considered that Mr. G — rr— w, during last term, moved the Court of K. B. for a criminal information against the editors of certain newspa- pers, for having presum'd to assert, that divers poison- ous drugs were intermingled with the porter of Messrs. W d and Co. We understand, however, that all these prosecutions will be most prudently dropt — possibly from an apprehension that certain druggists would not give such evidence as would ensure conviction. The man rf grains, Sec] In the original it is written ** The tnan of ^rafn^, &c ; but this must have been an unintentional error, for Mr. W to could not be guilty of such a gross viisnomer ! SS tilt: (iROAl^S 61? tlTE TALENTS. 19. For you, my G — ^k^,* I had design'd A turkey cock brigade ; Then Norfolk men of Gallic foes Had iiever been afraid. But, oh ! it little matters now To tell what I intended ; For all my hopest are overthrown, And all my glories ended. .# \ ';'- * For you, my C > - he, &c,] How wonderfully anxious the flight Hon. Gentleman was to provide all his friends with suitable ' V commands : but for the late unfortunate change of ministers, not a mail of them would have been neglected, from Mr. C-ke down to Lieut, Colonel Cr — f — ^rd, t For all my hopes are overthrown,] 'v. -ii:^ Occidit, occidit Spes omnis et fortuna, Hok, L, A. O.^. I THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. SJ Farewell to plans, to which my heart So fondly was attached ; Plans, upon which I sat so long, And had ,so nearly hatch^dp'* 13, Not Norfolk lost,! so griev'd my soul. When you and I were ousted, As thus to be expelled the nest, j. ^^. Where I so snugly roosted. ♦ And had so nearly hatched,] We apprehend, from the long time these wonderful projects were hatching, that Mr. '^ W ■ ■ m's eggs must have been addled ; a circumstance ' - ivhichj owing to vast anxiety of mind, might not occur to him. t Norfolk lost,] It is impossible for us to suppress our sorrow at the sad recollection of this unfortunate catastrophe. Oh ! wo-^ man ! woman ! " fair defect of nature !" 'twas you who robb'd ns of Paradise, and you who drove Messrs. C-ke and \V-^-» 40 THE GROANS OF THE TALEI^TS; sstssss " "' . , ■ ' ■...■■■ . ■ I ' ■ IC 16. But cease, my goo^e quill, ce^se awhile This melancholy strain ; To speak pf sorrows sucl^ as these Is to renew their p^in.* from the representation of the county of Norfolk. The story i» thiis related : Two ladies of the first respectability drove about the county to canvass for Col. W— dli— — se, and as they were universally respected, their success was proportionably gfeat. Messrs. C-*ke and W—rdh -m v^ere much chagrined at thb cir- cumstance ; at length, however, the latter gentleman's inventive genius devised a plan by which he hoptd to turn it to their own advantage. Having procured two naughty loves, somewhat re- $cmbling these <' fair petitioners," whom they were destined to personate, he arrayed them in sinoilar apparel, and having pro- cured a carriage which formerly belonged to one of these ladies, they canvassed another part of the county in favor of Messrs. C. and W. th^ trick, however, was discovered, and so indig- nant were Col. W's fair friends, that they instigated their hus- ■bands and friends to. petition Parliament against the Sheriflf s return : thus did the means by which Mr. W. hoped to defeat Col. W. contribute to the overthrow of himsjelf and friend. ^ ^- — Neque lex est justior ulla t ■ ftuam necis artifices arte perire sua. Qvid, f Is to renew their pain."] Infandum renovare dolores. V^RGii^ THE GROAXS OF THE TALENTS. 41 ■ ' ' ' . ' - - '■ ■» ■ i ' - ' Adieu, my friend, and since we can No longer dupe the nation, May Heav'n, and Earth, and H — 11 perplex The New Administration.* t May heaven, and earth, (^nd kellj &c, A very charitable aud truly patriotic wish ! / • ■■,'. ^' ....^% EPISTLE V, FROM SIR J^MN N - r . , t , AN IRISH EX-MlNISTEH IN ENGLAND, TO THE D— OF B ^D, AN EN- GLISH EX-MINISTER IN IRELAND. Qui dedit hoc hodie, eras si volet auferet, ut si Detulerit fasces indigno detrahet idem. HoR. X)eaR B— df — D, by Jasus ! it grieves me to send Sqch terrible news — but our reign's at an end. Och ! curse on the Catholic claims !— I must own I wish in my shoid we had let them alone. But who cou*d imagine such ills would arise From measures which Gr^nv-H^Ue and H-wW— k* thought wise ? * Which G'-'^lle and H— ^ thought wise."] We are at a Io«s to comprehend whfither Sir J- hn meaua to insinuate that 44 THE GROAN* OF THE TALENTS. ril state the case clearly— but cannot spake plain, The thing has so cursedly bodtherd my brain, You must therefore excuse a little confusion, Altho^ / begin with a sort of conclusion. only these two noble lords felt cohvinced of the wisdom of the proposed measure, or if he merely expresses himself synecdochu cally, intending that a part should be taken for the whole of the then Administration. Now bodies universally follow their heads ; nor is it absolutely necessary that heads should be gifted with superior understanding y or even with the smallest particle of Irains to produce this general tendency: as for example, where- of ver the least of Balaam turned his head> thither also did his body direct its way, and it is an established fact, that to whatever point of the compass the Irainless head of a ship be directed, the hull, i. e. the body thereof, always pursqes a similar course : it therefore should appear, that Sir J-hn, by mentioning the two heads of the late Adm-n~str — t~on, L — ds G. and H. coukl not mean otherwise than th^t tjie whole body oi Ministers iip- plicitly followed their way of thinking, and that ii li > ' ti It ^as x\iQ\x duty to proceed ...,-:. Wherever they might choose to. lead,"^, j^ And yet how arp we to recoqcile this construction with a subse^ qucnt part of this epistle, where it is hinted tliat two Members of the C—b— n~t were troubled with certain qualjns of conscience. pA the subject -But SlrJ^-hn was lorn in Ireland! THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. ^5 A twelvemonth ago, that big friend of the people,* Who now serves the state-under Westminster steeple, . * That Mg friend of the people.] The Right Hon. Baronet evidently alludes to his deceased friend Mr. F-x, and when the whole of that great mans conduct is considered, the title appears peculiarly just. When first he came into office under the auspices of Lord North, he marked his friendship for the people at large by his particular anxiety to reUeve the Electors of Middlesex from the unnecessary trouble of choosing their own representative. Soon after, finding that his powers were somewhat more limited than he wished, he threatened to resign his seat at the Treasury Board, unless they and his salary were encreased ; a threat which the following intimation from Lord North prevented his carrying into execution. " Sir, His Majesty has Leen pleased to make out a new list of Lords of the Treasury, among whom I do not see your name," Thus deprive d of the opportunity of man'festing liis friendship /or the people by deeds, he supported their rights by the most violent philippics against tlie Minister, whom he de- clared to be " a man so void of integrity that he should even be afraid to trust himself alone in his company." And yet he after- wards coalesced with this abominable character, doubtless for the sole purpose of serving the people more eftcctually as a Mini iei ; iu which capacity he signally nianitested his attention to their in- terests by the introduction of his celebrated East India Bill, which would have enabled h'lm to provide for numerous individuals^ had 46 THE GROANS OF THE TALENTSi Persuaded the House to a new resolution,* Which shook to the centre our fam'd Constitution, not himself and his bill been thrown out together. His frien4^ ship for the people has also been remarkably displayed by the em- bassy on which he sent Mr. R— t Ad r to the late EmpressT of Russia—by his anxiety to introduce the llessings of the French Revolution— by his late coalition with Lord Gr — nv-lle— by his judicious distribution of places^ pensions, and honors — by his con- 4J8ntingto come again into office, and most particularly by his con- senting to go out of the world ! Extiuctus amabitur iden?., HoR. .:• * Persuaded the House to a new resolution^ Sec] We cannot take upon ourselves to determine if Sir J-lm alludes to the Bitf permitting L~d G lie to be at once first Lord of the T ly and Auditor of the Exch— q— *r, or to the circumstance of giving L^-d E ■ gh a seat in the Cabinet. The first was certainly a very wise measure, and is another striking proof of Mr. F—x's friendship for the people. It is of the utmost consequence to the nation that the Treasury accounts should be correctly stated, and faithfully audited, and who could be so well qualified for thi;» hnportant office as the person through whose hands all the money ^ is supposed to pass 1 With regard to the second, we are decidedly ©f opinion that the principle of giving the Chief Justice a seat in THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS, 47 And Ministers thought, sure enough, if the Nation CouM tolerate that, it must love toleration. They, therefore, intending all parties to please, . And make their hroad-hoitoms feel seated at ease, Determin'd to win the poor Papists affections, And gain their support* at all future elections, the Cabinet, aiid thus making him, in all state prosecutions, both judge and advocate, \i constitutionally excellent; but we apprehend it has been found extremely inconvenient in practice, for we have great reason to suspect that Lord E. was one of those who dis- approved of the Catholic clauses in the late unfortunate Mutiny Bill ; Nay, we have heard that his Lordship opposed them with the same unpardonalle warmth that he has frequently manifested against traitors, swindlers, gamblers, and other equally respectable personages, to their great discouragement and discomfiture. Alas! that evil should spring out of good,. ' * And gain their support, kc] We heard a fastidious critic observe that this line was nonsense, because Papists are not entitletl |o vote, and therefore could not be of any service to Ministers at a General Election : but we, on the contrary* assert it to be 4S jntt'lligible English as if it had been written by a native of Mid- dlesex, for although Papists have no power of voting themselve;?? 3 4S THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS^ G — y (II — vv — k I mean) brought forward a motion To give them command both on shore and ou ocean, Which he managed so well, and wrapt up so neatly, We hop*d to deceive the good K — g most completely. And cause him to swallow this Catholic Pill, Made up in the form of a Mutiny Bill. The Cabinet Council approv'd of the plan, And thought our friend H — w — k a wonderful man; Although, when the thing w^as discuss'd, it is said, Two Members* some scruples of conscience betray 'd. it is very evident that they have considerable influence over the minds of persons who are not so disqualified, and Quifacit per aliumfacit per se. Besides Sir J~hn might have ascertained that the indulgences granted in the Mutiny Bill were to have been succeeded by com- plete emancipation. * Tivo Members some scruples of conscience letrayd.] We ap- prehend Lords S— — th and E— — r, because we ne^e^ understood that the other members of the cabinet had any con- sciences at all. THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS, 4^ By Jasus ! 'twas strange the spalpeens* cou*d not see How much ^twas their int'rest that all shou'd agree ; I wish to St. Patrick they both had been me^ Howe er, lest their scruples shou'd cause much delay, They wisely resolv'd to keep out of the way : And all seem'd proceeding as Ministers wished, When lo ! on a sudden, we found ourselves dish'd,^ Sp — nc — r P-rc--v--l first, devil burn him J began, With cursed palaver, to bother our plan : Och ! his speeche to be sure was brimful of reasou, To shew that our bill was a species of treason ; * Spalpeens.] We Iiavo searched in vain Johnson's, Bailey% Sheridan's, and the dictionary of the vulgar tongue, for an expla- nation of this word. Perhaps Sir J. will favoui' us with the meaui:ig thereof. ^ f,Disk'el.] Here we were more fortunate ; for in the dictionary last mentioned in the preceding note, we find the word '* dished*' signifies ^^ done up, completely ruin' d*' tsfc, — Alas, poor souls! Vc pity them. 50 THE GROAN§ OF THE TALENTS. But we car'd not for that the worth of a shilling, Well knowing ourfriends were both ready and willing To vote (right or wrong) in support of our wishes, While we kept the keys of the loaves and thej^^Ae^ : And therefore it matter'd not what he might say, * Or C — nn— ng, his friend, or my L— d C-stl — gh, If we cou'd have persuaded the K — g to compound The oath which he took at the time he was crownM; But somehow or other they open'd his eyes, f And proved we had told him a parcel of I^— s.+ * Had Sir J-lm been an Englishman, we should have objected to the rhymes " say' and C — sil — r — ghl' and also to " oceari' and ^* motion" in a preceding couplet ; but, as he was born ia Ireland, we think he may be allowed the use of Irish rhymes. t They opend his eyes* Turn vero manifesta fides Danaiimq. patescunt Insidiae. ViRG. S.. II. v. 305. X And provd we had told him a parcel of lies.'] This is consi- derably at variance with the statement of two Noble Lords, iu . . 1 THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 51 His M-j-sty then made a big botheration, And bade us all walk out of Administration. On my conscience this blow was quite unexpected ; For, although our Catholic Bill was rejected, No man among all of us harbour'd a doubt, That the bringing it in wou'd bring us all ouf. If Nature had not on the whole of our class Most kindly bestowM a profusion of brass, We'd feel quite asham'd to exhibit our faces, Now turn'd with bad characters. out of good places ; ' their parliamentary defence; and we are at a loss whether to believe Sir J-hn's confidential communication, or their Lordship's exculpatory assertions. The public must decide, if it be more probable that a late Minister should relate facts in a private or public situation. Since writing the above, Lord S th, by his manly and elo- quent speech on the Marquis of Stafford's motion, has opened our eyes. 5t THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. For people declare, since they've witnessed our fall, *' All the Talents" * dispiay'd No talents AT ALL. * All THE TALENTS displayed no Talents at all.] This appa- rent Irishism may be easily explained ; for, when it is considered how the late Administration was formed, it does not appear im- probable that all the Talents of the different corapoaent parts should have completely neutralized each other, and thus have rendered them collectively — a caput mortuum ! V.'^.\ •^^..*'* EPISTLE VI. FROM THE RIGHT HON. L--D H ^Y P Y, THE LATE LITTLE C R OF THE EX R, TO LORD T LE, THE LATE STUPENDOUS P — M— R OF THE F S. Haec trementi questus ore constitit, Insignihus raptis, puer. HoR. Epod. 0.5, 1. My sorrows, dear T — mp — le, to thee I cannot forbear to impart ; For silence, in wretches like me, Would fracture the overfraught heart* Wmld fracture the over-fraught heart."] The grief that does not speak Whispers the o'er-fraught heart, and bids it break. . Shakespear. 54 THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS, When robb'd of its rattle or teat. The baby such agony feels As I, only not quite so great, Now reft of my office and seals. 2. Cut, cut, IS the thread of my hope, My fall is more bitter than aloes ; When Jack Ketch dissevered the rope, Thus Holloway* fell from the gallows. ' m Thus Holloway, Sec] One of the unfortunate gentlemen, whose elevation before the Debtors' Door, Newgate, occasioned such serious disasters : he fell for the good of his Country, and so did Lord H — y P — y, the comparison therefore is extremely just. THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 55 I once as a monkey was gay, In ball-rooms was constantly skipping ; And e'en in the s'enate, like G y,* I have been full ohen found tripping, 5. I now like a donkey am dull, Dejected I hang down my head ; And all the concave of my skull Appears to be loaded with lead.f *Like G y.] Evidently a slap in the face for the Right Hon. Lord H k, who, when recently dancing to the old tune of The Catholics Fancy y or Lord FingaVs Delight^ most awkwardly tript up, not only his own, but also his partner*s heels. t appears to he loaded with lead.] Plautus, speaking of such great men as little Lord P — y, says. Si quid peccatum est plumheas iras gerunt. Which most satisfactorily explains the cause of his Lord>hip'< leaden malady. 56 THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 6. My poor little bosom begins To hate all assemblies and routs ; Such pleasures belong to the INKS ; But grief is the lot of the outs * To witness my air in the dance Has often delighted the fair ; And something forbodes they may chance To witness — ?w^ dance in the air.'\ * Grief is the lot' of the outs."] Poor souls ! we pity them ! t To witness my dance in the azV."] We don't exactly compre- hend the nature of his Lordships alarms : probably he may be apprehensive that a time will come when he must cease to play the Merry Andrew in the Senate, and be driven, by dure necessity, to exhibit on the tight rope either at Astley's, Sadler's Wells, or in the neighbourhood of St, Bartholomew Fair. We are anxious to know if Messrs. Sh n, W m, and F — tzp k are troubled witli similar forebodings ? — As to his Lx)rdship, we ^re clearly of opinion that his fears are vain ; for we consider THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 57 I 8, Bad company'*^ taught me to sin, Bad company stiil is my b^ne ; But if I could once more get in, I ne'er would be naughty again, f 9. F-x, Sh n, Wh d, and G—y, So flatter'd the pride of mv vouth. That I was deluded awav From 1 ty, duty, and truth. him iio eminently qualified for the part he now sustains, that no- rthing will preven his exhibitions in the House of C — mm — ijs, unless some fatal accident should send him to the House of * Bad Company y &c.] The old story—Vide Ntru'gfUe CalendaT, and divers dying speeches. i I ne'er will he naughty again.] We sincerely hope his Lord* ship will never ^gain be led into l-emptation. 58 THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 10. F— X swore that the glories of Pitt Would soon be eclipsed by my fame ; D..k S n swore I had wit, S-m Wh -d and G — y vow'd the same. IL In Pitt's robe of office array'd, I hop'd for a lion to pass ; But, ah ! in the senate I bray'd. And shew'd 1 was only an ass.* How sudden, how lofty my flight, My fall how tremendously quick ; The rise of the rocket was bright ; It fell an unluminous stick. I was only an ass^l A pretty allegory— 'but not quite new. THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 59 13. What steps shall we take to regain The seats where we recently shone ? I fear we shall labor in vain, While rectitude governs the throne. 14. But industry still perseveres,* Let's rally and labor like bees ; f We'll buz round the Minister's ears ; Though stinglesSy we know how to teize. * But industry still perseveres.] His Lordship may probably think with Virgil, that " Labor omnia vincit improlus." — Now there are two ways of construing the adjective " improhus : in one sense " improlus lalor signifies hard lalor, but in the other, , dishonest or disgraceful labor. Which of these constructions is most applicable in the present instance, the public must deter- mine. • t Like bees.] Vide the Landsdown motto and crest. 60 THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. ■ r ■ •■ ■■ ' '■ ■ . Dear T-^mp — e, our conduct defend, And think- — Labor ipse vol uptas ; First try res hones f as ^ my friend, Et tunc (as in Hampshire) corimpfasJ* * Et tunc (as in Hampshire) corruptas.] We wish his Lordship would write English ; it is really a melancholy task for poor critics to be continaally referring to Ainsworth's Dictionary, and that not unfrequently without obtaining a satisfactory explanation ; ns, in the present instance, we found " corruptas, ay^um" to be an adjective, signifying corrw^/, rotten^ wicked, whereas his Lord- ship has used it as a substantive ; but we imagine res, i, e. things, may be und^stood by Lord T e, Mr. H— rb— rt, and Mr. Th — stl — w — te. If our readers do not exactly comprehend this note, we beg to refer them to the Eaton Grammar made easy. , ■^h\f*'^ "** v>0 Himi \Mm^ '}4y .iMitJtmiayi'y^, The following Epistle and Tale, althou^ not of the same nature as the before-going, may, we think, be admitted in our little vo- lume without impropriety. They were both written before the late lamentalle fall of The talents ; the latter nearly two years back, when Mr. G— y moved the House to have the Editor of the Oracle taken into cus- tody for an alleged breach of privilege, he having ventured, most spiritedly, to express his detestation of Mr. Wh — b — d's conduct towards Lord M— lv~le. N. B. The said Mr G— y was once a Mem- ber of the L~nd— n C— rr— sp— nd~ng Society, and a great stickler for the Liberty of the Press. He now is L— d H- w— k. AN EPISTLE, TO A FATHER-IN-LAW AT S T H — E, FROM HIS SON-IN-LAW IN NEWGATE. Infelix gencr et dignus Sh ■ ne parentc. While in a dismal dungeon's dampness I Sv^fear unregarded, unsupported lie, You, at your ease, with all the pomp of place, With players, Perry, Homan, or his Grace, Display the blushing honors of your face. And live on those whose speculative skill p Is hasty credit and a distant bill, 64 THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. By privilege from debts and bailiffs free, Nor cast a thought on misery and me. Yet by those joys she gave in early life, '^ She whom you made a mother — not a wife ; Let her who boasts a natural* daughter's nanle Urge to a father's heart her husband's claim ; Her whom you gave me without palty pelf. Like you, sweet soul t a fortune in herself,. Let her your bowels of compassion thaw, And spare, in pity spare your son-in-law. ' f If in the C— mm-n's H — se no mercy dwell, My last resourse is S n or Hell. Heaven knows the wisest men sometimes mistake. E'en you, my father, ydu haVe'^err'd like'Drak'er^ ' * ' None can remember — Yes ! I know all niust, ^ How to O'C-nn-r and his merits just, i *«f»t'^^? * Genus liuic de patre superbum sed de matre iiothum. t Fiectere si nequeo superos, Acheronta movebo. — ViRCr. riTB GROAKS OF THE TALENTS. 65 When at the bar we saw the culprit stand, And, horror-strack, hold up his trait'rous hand, tVhen Sc-'tt, all eloquent, the charges prest. And brought conviction home to every breast ; E'en Pl-m-r shrunk unequal from the strife, And Treason trembled for her Votary's life. You in that hour a guardian daemon came, And prov'd your friendship not an empty name, You with your lips the sacred volume prest. And bade the God of Truth your truth attest; " So help me God 1 I solemnly declare, Truth, the whole truth, and nought but truth I swear; I know him well, so great his merits deem, He has my friendship, confidence, esteem ; Without reserve, incapable of art, He told me every secret of his heart, * l)annon.] " A good or evil angel ;** in this instance, of course, good, i 65 THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. To me his views, his principles are known, Whig Views, Whig Principles, and all my own. I swear (and let my oath's sure pledge have weight) Like me, he's well affected to the state; Like me, of French fraternity afraid, , r- He shudders at the thought of foreign aid,-'*>? y.r- What did I swear ? I swore, alas 1 'tis Xx\j^^as.JCi^ That you had private deahngs with a Jew ; I \ Had urg'd P — Us friends his int'rest to betray, "~ And tamper'd with them — in an honest way. This, this was all I said, or swore, or meant. This " of my guilt's the front and full extent." Grim Gr— y, with verjuic'd visage, cried, hear ! hear! StormM the loud Taylor, foam'd the Man of Beer. •f Freedom's Asylum, with one honest No ! Doom'd me to Newgate, slav'ry, want, and woe. * H— , an old clothesman, voted for S. t The C*-inm — ns house — the nursery of freedom, the asylum of liberty, &c. — See Mr. Rojoailey's speech on Lord M—lv— lie's trial. V THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 67 j^ ■ We both have err'd, but here the hkeness ends : A different fate the same offence attends ; The N— -y's T ^y,* a glorious prize, Is your's ; my recompence in Newgate lies, ^ut let your daughter's tears and prayVs prevail, And save me from the horrors of a gaol.: Iv Think of the poet's memorable line, " To err is human, to forgive divine." * Ille crucem pretium sceleris tulit^ hie diadema. .-I ^. Si: - iV). Ux '^'^'i^'-t^'t^. \ THE DEVIL AND THE PATRIOT. A TALE. Inseqaar et vultus ossea forma tua Me vigilans cemes : tacitis ego noctis in umbris Excutiam somnos, visus adesse, tuos. Ovid. 1. The torrents roar'd, the north blast howl'd. The lightning flash'd, the thunder growFd, Mud choak'd th^ o'erflowing drains ; Th' affrighted moon withdrew her light, The watch cried—*' Twelve o'clock at night!^ And d— ~d the pelting rains. 70 THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS, When giant, ghastly, growling G— y. As snoring on his back he lay. Beheld, with fearful eyes, A goblin grim approach his bed, ' "" And through the curtains thrust his head, "" '* Crying— Ch s G—y arise 1 -^ ' ' The statesman shriek'd — a clammy sweat Burst from his brow, and made it wet^i ^r: -i J As if with water spatter'd ; -c r 7O liong time to speak in vain he tried, Yet, tho' by fear his tongue was tied, ,b>r j ^ifjj :j ywix THE GROANS OP THE TALENTS. 71 At length, he feeb'ly said, " Dear sprite, Say how have I provok'd your spite J Why that revengeful grin ? Have I done ought that does displease you ? If so — speak — how can I appease you? How expiate my sin ? " ^ , .' ) The goblin answer'd with a howl, .'^^i'' '^ ^vfl: Like the hoarse screechings of an owl, .1 t-^.fl. Or Tom-cat's am'rous note : * -*'^. «* Behold !" he cried, '* thou cruel man, p,ff:^J: This meagre frame, this visage wan,^ fi^r This longy lean, wither'4 throat, :;--; z^-i 72 THE GROANS DP I'HE TALENTS. ■■ "" ' ' ' ' ' ' * ' > ' ' " * ' 6. Hien ask for mercy, if you dare, For, wretch, you must be well aware 'Twas you cau^ all my evil : 'Twas you who stopp'd my mortal breath ; No wonder I 'm a Herd in death, Who died — a Printer's Devil. 7. How dard'st tl^Qu, sl^m^less man, prgfi^, To be the guardian of the Press, Its best and firmest friend ? And yet, with frantic eloquence, Upon a recent mean pretence, Against its Rights contend I •f fittS 'A?'? « THE GROANS OF THE TALENTS. 73 8. Do modern patriots act like you? Alas 'tis clearly proved they do ! There needs no proof that's stronger- Your'e all the Press's fastest friends. Just while it suits your private ends, But not a moment longer. Tis true, you did no other harm Than causing a profound alarm To my poor tim'rous master ; Who having printed evVy week The libels which he heard you spcdk^ Dreaded Some dire disaster. 74 THE GROANS Of THE TALENTS. 10. He therefore swore, altho' f/our friend^ Such conduct he'd no more defend, And turn'd off all his devils ; From which misjudg'd resolve arose, As you may very well suppose, My complicated evils. 11. For I could find nor work nor meat, And devils that have nought to eat In th' upper world, must die; But devils of the shades beneath Nothing can starve or put to death, Such devil now am L THE GROANS'OF THE TAXENT6. IS. But you, false Statesman, still shall find Devils of ev'ry place and kind. Not dev'lish kind to you ; And since you once prov'd so uncivil To me, who was a Printer's devil^ The Devil [shall have his due I 13, I'll pound your hated bones to nought !" And then his arm, as Ch — s G — y thought, He lifted to attempt it ; But at the first imagined stroke, ^ Th' affrighted statesman screaming woke, And found he only dreamt it. FINIS. I^Dted by 3. U. Dewick, Aiderfgate-sueet. BOOKS Published hy TIPPER and RICHARDS. I.EADENHALL-STSEET. £. s. d- Elegant Extracts, from the best Writers, in Prose, in 1 vol. large Qvo. boards O 18 — from the best Writers in Verse, 8vo. hoards 18 ■ ■■! containing Letters of the most celebrated Men in Antient and Modern Times, * 8vo. boards O 14 O Brookes's General Gazetteer, 8jo. bound.. . O 10 6 Johnson's English Dictionary, 2 vol. 4to bound 4 4 O , 8vo. ditto ..010 6 .— — — — abridged in a neat Pocket Volume, ditto 3 Boyee's French and English Dictionary, 4to ditto -..;2 2 .„_ 8vo. ditto 12 O Edgar J on, Caledonian Feudb, a Tragedy. By George Manners, Esq .^ O 2 6 An Admonitory Letter to His Royal High- ness THE Prince of Wales, on the late delicate Enquiry , O 2 Strictures on Mr. Cobbett's unmanly Ob- sb^rvations on that Subject, and a Reply to the Answer to the Admonitory Letter. By the same Author 2 © Luxmoore*s Observations on the Prevention AND Curb of Ruptures 2 6 A Medical Catalogue (delivered Gratis), comprising a LUt of the most valuable Works on Medicine, Surgery, Pharmacy, and Chemistry, which are sold by Tipper anil Richards. On the 1st of May will be published, in 1 vol. 8 vo. price 78. in boards ; Comments on the Commentators on Shakespear^ with Preliminary Observations on his Genius and Writings, and on the labors of those who have endeavoured to elucidate them. By Henry James Pye, £sq« Poet Laureat. This Day is Pullished, tn 1 vol. Bvo» Price 95. in Boards, NAFOL.EON, AND THE FRENCH PEOPLE UNDER HIS EMPIRE. By the Author of Bonaparte and the French People under hi& Consulate. TRANSLATED FROM THE GERMAN. Messrs. Tipper and Richards respectfully announce the publication of the above. The translator has executed his part with exemplary ability ; he has availed himself of the advantages of a long and literary residence in Germany, to enrich the voluine with many origmal observations and interesting facts, derived from high and unquestionable sources. In his preface, he has in- troduced a more accurate aivd authentic detail of the circumstances, which led to the catastrophe of Palm, than has yet appeared, and his additions to the appendix are numerous and important. The public have been already apprised, that this galling me- morial of the mad and malignant excesses of Napoleon, is the pro- dnction of a nobleman, who stands high on the list of continental diplomatists. His name, were Messrs. T. and R. at liberty to dieclose it, would secure to his work a proud and permament cele- brity ; but the usurper of the throne of the Bourbons never forgives, and they do not feel themselves justified in consigning, from inter- ested motives, an individual ** whose desert speaks loud" to the vindictive pursuit of the merciless Corsican. Experience has proved, that the weapons of ordinary warfare ar« powerless, when opposed to the artful intrigues, and lavish bribes, of the emissaries of Buonaparte. To realise anew the universal empire of Charlemagne, is the avowed, or ill-concealed, object of his ambition. His military establishments, his new-created nobility, his legionaries of honour, are feebly aped from the heroic chivalry of the illustrious grandson of Charles Martel. To his unprincipled machinations but one effectual barrier can be opposed j public opinion, expressed and fostered by its only legitimate organ — a free press^ On the continent, the original of the present work has been sup- pressed, but the British press is still free from the controul, still unshackled by the stipulations of its declared and desperate enemy, arul through its pure and fearless medium, the author now makei his energetic appeal to the hearts and heads of Englishmen. A few remaining copies may be had, price 7s. in boards, of the *&cond edition of Bonmparte and the French People under hii Consulate, 2 .aev' ^r 14 DAY USE RETURN TO DESK FROM WHICH BORROWED ^ LOAN DEPT. 9H This book is due on the last date stamped below, or ^||R on the date to which renewed. ' '^ Renewed books are subject to immediate recall. 22llday6lLD M REC'D LD MAY 3 m m. ^ 90W«'e^^. RE-C'D LD MAR 1 6 1963 1 tt U ^Ultr'Sr^ilh'" Uni^gSroia THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LIBRARY