*£%^-* fcfcev, J ohij »erkeiey\ LliRARY UNIv'txSiTY Of CALIFORNIA J \ brawn from b£r when Cmatr «»i iftemoits REV. JOHN NEWTON, Some Time a Slave in Africa / Afterwards Curate of OIney, Bucki j »nd Rector > » • CONTENTS. M AffJ LETTER I. Introductory Observations ----- Tage I LETTER II. Occurrences In Early Life --------10 L£TTK£ HI. Journey to Kent. Voyage to Venice, &c. - - 18 LETTER IV. Voyage to Madeira. Entry on board a Quinea- man j and Voyage to Africa ------ 34 LETTER V. Hardships endured in Africa - 4* LETTER VI. Enlargement in Africa ----51 LETTER VII. Voyage from Cape Lope* fof England ... (Jo 1.1 111 U \ III. Danger, &c. in the Voyage from Cape Lope* - C% 215 CONTENTS. LETTER IX. Erenti in Ireland, and Arrival in England - - 78 LETTER X. Voyage to Africa -----------8* LETTER XI. Voyage to Antigua. Return to England, and Marriage __._---. 9* LETTER XII. Another Voyage to Africa -------- lei LETTF.R XTTT. Last Voyage to Africa, &c. - - - - - LETTER XIV. Conclusion of the Narrative, &c 117 MEMOIRS OF THE REV. JOHN NEWTON, Written by Himself. LETTER I. Introductory Observations. REV. AND DEAR SIR, I make no doubt .but you have at timer had pleasing reflections upon that pro- mise made to the Israelites, Deut. viii. 2. They were then in the wilderness, sur- rounded with difficulties, which were great- ly aggravated by their own distrust and perverseness : they had experienced a va- riety of dispensations, the design of which they could not as yet understand; l hey frequently lost sight ol God'l gracious pur- poses in their favour, Mid were much dis- couraged by reason of the way. To com- pose and animate their minds, Moses here BSta tO them, that thcic vn ;|N ,\ future happy time drawing near, when their jour- ney and warfare should be finished] thai ■ 2 MEMOIRS OF THE they should soon be put in possession of the promised land, and have rest from all their fears and troubles ; and then it would give them pleasure to look back upon what they now found so uneasy to bear: — " Thou u shalt remember all the w ay by which the " Lord thy God led thee through this wil- u derness." But the importance and comfort of these words is still greater, if we consider them in a spiritual sense, as addressed to all who are passing- through the wilderness of this world to a heavenly Canaan ; who, by faith in the promises and power of God, are seeking an eternal rest in that kingdom which cannot be shaken. The hope of that glorious inheritance inspires us with some degree of courage and zeal to press forward to where Jesus has already entered as our forerunner; and when our eye is fixed upon him, we are more than conquerors over all that would withstand our progress. But we have not yet attained ; we still feel the in- firmities of a fallen nature; through the remains of ignorance and unbelief, we often mistake the Lord's dealings with us, and are ready to complain, when, if we knew all, we should rather rejoice. But to likewise there is a time coming, when our warfare shall be accomplished, our views enlarged, and our light Increased ; then with what transports of adoration and love thai] we look back upon the way by which the Lord led us ! We shall Chen see and acknowledge, that merry :i nrted every step; we shaJJ see, that ■ REV. .7. NEWTON. 3 our ignorance once called adversities and evils, were, in reality, blessings, which we could not have done well without ; that nothing befel us without a cause ; that no trouble came upon us sooner, or pressed us more heavily, or continued longer, than our case required ; in a word, that our many afflictions were each in their place among the means employed by divine grace and wisdom', to bring us to the possession of that exceeding and eternal weight of glory which the Lord has prepared for his peo- ple. And even id this imperfect stale, though we are seldom able to judge aright of our present circumstances, yet if we look upon the years of our past life, and compare the dispensations we have been brought through, with the frame of our minds under each successive period ; if we consider how wonderfully one thing has been connected with another, so that what we now number amongst our greatest ad- vantages, perhaps, took their first rise from incidents which we thought hardly worth our notice ; and thai nie- times escaped the greatest dangers that threatened us, not by any wisdom or fore- lighl of our own, but by the intervention M circumstances which we neither desired nor thought of; — I say, when we coin; and COnSld r these things by the light af- forded us m tin- iii.lv Scripture, ct Indisputable proof, from the narrow circle; of our own concerns, that the wise and good providence «»i God vrftb his people from the earliest moment 4 MEMOIRS OF THE their life, over-rules and guards them through all their wanderings in a state of ignorance, leads them m a wa\ that they know not, till at length his providence and grace concur in those events and impres- sions which bring them to the knowledge of him and themselves I am persuaded, that every believer will, upon due reflection, see enough in his own case to confirm this remark ; but not all in the same degree. The outward ehcum- stances of many have been uititorm, they have known but IHtle variety in life ; and, with respect to their inward change, it has been effected in a secret way, unnoticed by others, and almost unperceived by them* selves. — The Lord has spoken to them, not in thunder and tempest, but with a still small voice, he has drawn them gradually to himself: so that, though they have a happy assurance of the thing, that they know and love him, and are parsed from death unto life ; yet of the precise time and manner, they cm give little account. Others he seems to select, in order to shew the exceeding riches of his grace, and the greatness of his miglity power i he suffers the natural rebellion and wickedness of their hearts to have full scope ; while sin- ners of less note are cut off with little warning, these are spared, though sinning with a high hand, and, as it were, studying their own destruction. At length, when all that knew them are perhap- expecting to hear that they are made signal i 1 1 > i of divine venge.incc, the Lord (whose REV. J. NEWTON. 5 thoughts are high above ours, as the hea- vens are higher than the earth) is pleased to plur k them as brands out of the fire, and to make them monuments of his mercy, for the encouragement of others : they are, beyond expectation, convinced, pardoned, and changed. A case of this sort indicates a divine power no less than the creation of a world : it is evidently the Lord's doing, and it is marvellous in the eyes of all those who are not blinded by prejudice and unbelief. Such was the persecuting Saul : his heart was full of enmity against Jews of Naza- reth, and therefore he persecuted and made havoc of his disciples. He had been a ter- ror to the church of Jerusalem, and was going to Damascus with the same views. — He was yet breathing outthreatenings and slaughter against all that loved the Lord Jesus. — He thought little of the mischief he had hitherto done. — He area engaged fiilf the suppression of the whole sect ; and hurrying from house to house, Iroin place to place, he carried menaces in his lock, and repeated thrcatniugs with every breath. Such was his spirit ami temper, when the Lord Jesus, whom he hated and opposed, checked him in the height of his rage, < ail- ed tlii, hitter persecutor to the honour of an apostle, ami inspired him v. ith /cai and earnestness, to preach thai Faith which he so lately destroyed. Nor are we without remark i of the same sovereign effic in out own time.;. — I may particularly ti MEMOIRS OF THE mention the instance of the late Colonel Gardener. If any real satisfaction could be found in a sinful course, he would have met with it ; for he pursued the ex*- periment with all possible advantages. — He was habituated to evil ; and many un- common, almost miraculous deliverances, made no impression upon him. Yet he likewise was made willing in the day of God's power : and the bright example of his life, illustrated and diffused by the ac- count of him" published since his death, has afforded an occasion of much praise to God, and much comfort to his people. After the mention of such names, can you permit me, Sir, to add my oicji? If I do, it must be with a very humbling distinc- tion. These once eminent sinners proved eminent Christians: much had been for- given them, they loved much, St. Paul could say, " The grace bestowed upon me " was not in vain ; for I laboured more " abundantly than they all." Colonel Garden.* r likewise was as a city set upon an hill, a burning and a shining light: the manner of his conversion was hardly more singular, than the whole course of his conversation from that time to his death. Here, alas! the parallel greatly fails. It 1ms not been thus with me. — I muot take deseirvpd ihi in If, that 1 have ) unsuitable returns for what I have received, liut if the qu is only concerning the patience MM buig- suturing of God, the wonderful na- tion of bjl providence in favour of an un- REV. J. NEWTON. 7 Worthy sinner, the power of his grace in softening the hardest heart, and the riches of his mercy in pardoning the most enor- mous and aggravated transgressions ; in these respects I know no case more extra- ordinary than my own. And indeed most persons to whom I have related my story, have thought it worthy of being preserved. I never gave any succinct account, in writing, of the Lord's dealing with me, till very lately ; for 1 was deterred, on the one hand, by the great difficulty of writing properly when Self is concerned ; on the other, by the ill use which persons of cor- rupt and perverse minds are often known to make of such instances. The Psalmcst reminds us, that a reserve-in these things is proper, when he says, " Guneand hear, " all ye that fear God y and 1 will declare " what he hath done for my soul ;" and our Lord cautions us not to " cast pearls " before swine." The pearls of a Christian are, perhaps, his choice experiences of the Lord's power and love in the concern: of his soul 1 and these* should not be at all adventures made public, lest we give occa- sion to earthly ami grovelling tOtlll t<> pro- fane what ...!. These were tin- chief reasons of my backward- ness; but a few weeks since 1 yielded to the ! of .1 imicL iicnd, and lent him a : event lias been what I lid, d | I wr.a 1 pton ; but D fallen into many bands: amongst Oil] 8 MEMOIRS OF THE I find they have reached your notice ; and, instead of blaming me for being too tedi- ous and circumstantial, which was the fault I feared I had committed, you are pleased to desire a still more distinct detail. As you and others of my friends apprehend my compliance with this request may be attended with some good effect, may pro- mote the pleasing work of praise to our adorable Redeemer, or confirm the faith of some or other of his people, I am will- ing to obey : I give up my own reasonings upon the inexpediency of so inconsiderable a person as myself adventuring in so public a point of view. If God may be glorified on my behalf, and his children in any mea- sure comforted or instructed by what I have to declare of his goodness, I shall be satisfied ; and am content to leave all other possible consequences of this undertaking in his hands who does all things well. I must again have recourse to my me- mory, as I retained no copies of the lett«r< you saw. So far as 1 can recollect what I then wrote, I .vill relate ; but shall not af- fect a needless vari« ty of phrase and man- ner, merely because those have been al- ready perused by many. 1 may perhaps in some places, when repeating the same facts, express myself in nearly the same words; yet I propose, ftceoffdlng to your desire, to make this relation mor* explicit and particular than the former ; especially towards the close, which I wound up hastily lest my friend should be wearied. I hope you will likewise excuse me, if I do not REV. J. NEWTON. strictly confine myself to narration, but now and then intersperse such reflections as may offer while I am writing; and though you have signified your intentions of com- municating what 1 send you to others, I must not on this account affect a concise- ness and correetness, which is not my na- tural talent, lest the whole should appear dry and constrained. I shall therefore, if possible, think only of you, and write with that confidence and freedom which your friendship and candour deserve. This sheet may stand as a preface ; and I purpose, as far as I can, to intermit many other en- gagements, until I have completed the task you have assigned me. In the mean time, I entreat the assistance of your prayers, that in this, and all my poor at- tempts, I may have a single eye to His glory, who was pleased to call me out of horrid darkness into the marvellous light of his gospel. I am, with sincere respect, Dear Sir, Your Obliged and affectionate Servant Jan. 12, 1763. b$ 10 MEMOIRS OF THE LETTER II. Occurrences in early Life. REV. SIR, I can sometimes feel a pleasure in repeat- ing the grateful acknowledgment of Da- vid, •« O Lord, I am thy servant, the son *' of thine handmaid ; thou has loosed my " bands." The tender mercies of God to- wards me were manifested in the first mo- ment uff my Fife. 1 was born, as it were, in his house, and dedicated to him in my infancy. My mother (as 1 have beard from many) was a pious experienced Christian: she was a Dissenter, in com- munion with the Lite Dr. Jt'iim was her only child ; and as she was of a weak constitution, and a retired temper, almost her whole employment of my education. 1 have some faint re- membrance of her care and instructions. At a time when 1 could not be more than three years of age, she herself tau»lit me English; and with so much lucceti had something of ■ forward torn), that when I was four years old, I could read >\ ith propriety in an\ common Look that She stored my memory, which w . very retentive, with many vahial.lt- pieces, chapters, and portions of Scripture, cate- chisms, hymns, and poenii. M\ temper at that time seemed quite suitable to ber wishes ; I had little inclination to the noisy REV. J. NEWTON. 11 sports of children, but was best pleased when in her company, and always asr will- ing to learn as she was to teach me. How far the best education may fall short of reaching the heart, will strongly appear in the sequel of my history : yet I think, for the encouragement of pious parents to go on in the good way, of doing their part faithfully to form their childre n's mind, I may proper- ly propose myself as an instance. Though in process of time I sinned-away all the ad- vantages of these early impressions, yet they were for a great while a restraint upon me; they returned again and again, and it was very long before I could wholly shake them < ff ; and when the Lord at length opened my eyes, I found a great benefit from the recollection of them. Fur- ther, my dear mother, besides the pains she took with me, often pommendea me with many prayers and tears to God ; and 1 doubt not but I reap the fruits of these prayeri to this hour. My mother observed my early pi with peculiar pleasure, and intended from the ftr*1 to brine no- up with a view to the ministry, if the Lt I |h llld to incline heart. In my lixtb year I began to learn Latin; hut before i bad lime to know much about it, the intended plan «>i ny education \\.-^ broke ibort. The Lord's dc- ,r i.t \oii<1 the < le\M of an i si i hi\ parent i be s me for as unusual prool ol bii pr iv iver- buled the purpose ol mj friends, 5) deprtv< 12 MEMOIRS OF THE ing me of this excellent parent when I was something under seven years old. I was born the 24th July 1725, and she died the 11th of that month 1732. My father was then at sea (he was a commander in the Mediterranean trade at that time) : he came home the following year ; and soon after married again. Thus 1 passed into different hands. I was well treated in all other respects ; but the loss of my mother's instructions was not repair- ed. 1 was now permitted to mingle with careless and profane children, and soon began to learn their ways. Soon after my father's marriage, I was sent to a board- ing-school in Essex, where the imprudent severity of the master almost broke my Fpirit, and relish for books. With him I forgot the first principles and rules of arithmetic, which my mother had taught me years before. 1 staid there two years : in the last of the two, a new usher coming, who observed and suited my temper, 1 took to the Latin with great eagerness j so that before I was ten years old, I reached and maintained the first post in the se- cond class, which in that school read "Fully and Virgil. I believe I was pushed forward too fast, and therefore not being grounded, I soon lost all I bad learned v t'or 1 left school in my tenth year) ; and when 1 I afterwards undertook the Latin Ian:: from books, I think 1 bad tittle, if any ad- vantage from what 1 had learned before. My father's second marriage was from a family in Essex ; and when I was eleven Vjhfar ' REV. J. NEWTON, 13 years old, he took me with him to sea. He was a man of remarkable good sense, and great knowledge of the world; he took great care of my morals, but could not supply my mother's part. Having been educated himself in Spain, he always ob- served an air of distance and severity in his carriage, which overawed and discou- raged my spirit. I was always in fear when he fore him, and therefore he had the less in- fluence. 'From that time to the year 1742 I made several voyages •, but with consider- able intervals between; which were chiefly spent in the country, excepting a few months in my fifteenth year, when I was placed upon a very advantageous prospect at Alicant, in Spain. But my unsettled behaviour, and impatience of restraint, rendered that design abortive. In this period, my temper and conduct were exceedingly various. At school, cr soon after, I had little concern about re- ligion, and (asily received very ill impn |« sions. But I was often disturbed with oon- victions. I was fond of reading from a child ; among Other bonks, Bennct't Chliitian Oratory often came, in my way I and though 1 understood but little of it, the course of life therein recommended appeared very desirable; and I was in- ciiii< d to attempt It. 1 I < -\>\ to to read tbe Scripture, and keep ■ loraof diary. I was pn-snith in my own I - ! tins s- - : bail mndation, but \ like a morning cloud, or the early dtn • I 14 MEMOIRS OF THE was soon weary, gradually gave it up, and became worse than before. Instead of prayer, I learned to curse and blaspheme, and was exceedingly wicked when from under my parent's view. All this was be- fore I was twelve years old. About that time I had a dangerous fall from a horse : I was thrown, I believe, within a few inches of a hedge-row newly cut down. I got no hurt ; but could not avoid taking notice of a gracious providence in my de- liverance ; for had -I fell upon the stakes, I had inevitably been killed. My con- science suggested to me the dreadful con- sequences, if in such a state I had been summoned to appear before God. I pre- sently broke off from my profane practises, and appeared quite altered. But it was not long before I declined, again. These struggles between sin and conscience were often repeated ; but the consequence was, that every relapse sunk me still into greater depths of wickedness. I was once roused by the loss of an intimate companion. We had agreed to go on board a man of war (I think it was on a Sunday) ; but I provi- dentially came too late : the boat was over- set, and he and several others were drown- ed. I was invited to the funeral of my play- fellow, and was exceedingly affected, to think that by a delay of a few minutes (which had much displeased and angered me till I saw the event; my life had been preserved. However, this likewise was soon forgot. At another time, the perusal of the Family Instructor put me upon a L REV. J. NEWTON. J5 partial and transient reformation. In brief, though I cannot distinctly relate particu- lars, I think I took up and laid aside a re- ligious profession three or four different times before I was sixteen years of age : but all this while my heart was insincere. I often saw a necessity of religion as a means of escaping, hell ; but I loved sin, and was unwilling to forsake it. Instances of this, I can remember, were frequent in the midst of all my forms : I was so strangely blind and stupid, that sometimes wlien I have been determined upon things which I knew were sinful, and contrary to my duty, I could not go on quietly till I had first dispatched my ordinary task of prayer, in which I have grudged every moment of my time; and when this was finished, my conscience was In some mea- sure pacified, and I could rush into folly with little remorse. My last reform was the most remarkable, both for degree and continuance. Of this period, at least of some part of it, I may say in the Apostle's words, " Alter the " strictest sect of our religion, 1 lived a 11 Pharisee." I did every thing that .might be expected from a person entirely ignorant of God's righteousness, and desirous to establish his own. 1 spent the greatest part of ev-ry day in reading the Scriptures, meditation, and prayer. 1 fasted OKI u ; 1 even ibttalned from all animal Food fbf three months ; 1 would hardly ;uwwi t a question j for fear Of speaking an idle word. I seemed to bemoan my former miscarriages 16 MEMOIRS OF THE very earnestly, sometimes with tears. In short, I became an ascetic, and endeavour- ed so far as my situation would permit, to renounce society, that I might avoid temp* tation. I continued in this serious mood (I cannot give it a higher title) lor more than two years, without any considerable breaking off : hut it was a poor religion ; It left me, in many respects, under the power of sin; and, so far as it prevailed, only tended to make me gloomy, stupid, unsociable, and -useless. Such was the frame of my mind when I became acquainted with Lord Shaftesbury. I saw the second volume of his Characte- ristics in a petty shop at Middleburg, in Holland. The title allured me to buy it, and the style and manner gave me great pleasure in reading, especially the second piece, which his Lordship, with great pro- priety, has intitled, A Rhapsody. Nothing could be more suited to the romantic turn of my mind, than the address of this pompous declamation. Of the design and tendency I was not aware : I thought the author a most religious person, and that; I had only to follow him and be happy. Thus with fine words, and fair speeches, m\ heart was beguiled. This book was always in my hamj: I read it till I could very nearly repeat the Rhapsody verbatim from beginning to end. No immediate elfcct followed; but it operated like a blow poi- son, and prepared the way for all that t'ol- |i\M"l. Tins letter bringl my history d REV. J. NEWTON. 17 December 1742. I was then lately return- ed from a voyage ; and my father not in- tending me tor the sea again, was thinking how to settle ine in the world : but I had little lite or spirit for business •, 1 knew hut little of men and things. I was fond of a visionary scheme of contemplative life, a medley of religion, philosophy, and indo- lence ; and was quite averse to the thoughts of an industrious application to business. At length a merchant in Liverpool, an inti- mate friend of my father's (to whom, as the instrument of God's goodness, I have since' been chiefly indebted for all my earthly comforts), proposed to send me for some years to Jamaica, and lo charge him- self with the care of my future fortune. I consented to this; and every thing was prepared for my voyage. 1 was upon the point of setting out the following week. In the mean time my father sent ine on some business to a place a few miles beyond Maidstone, In Kent; and this little journey, which was to have been only for three or four days, occasioned a Midden and re- markable turn, which roused DM from the habtttm! indolence 1 had contracted, ami gave rise to the series <>l uncommon dis- pensations, ol which ynu desire p more particular account. So tract! Is. thai "tha 44 way of man is not in himself ; it I u in man tli.it walketh t<> direct his steps." I am sJfoctfonat Yours in the best bond*. Jan. 13, 1763. 18 MEMOIRS OF THE LETTER III. Journey to Kent — Voyage to Venice, tyc. DEAfl SIR, a tew days before my intended journey ■**• into Kent, I received an invitation to visit a family in that country. They were distant relations, but very intim ite friends of my dear mother. She died in their house; but'a coolness took place upon my father's second marriage, and I had heard nothing of them for many years. As my road lay within half a mile of their house, I obtained my father's leave to cmfl on them. 1 was, however, very indifferent about it, and sometimes thought of passing: on: however, I went. I was known . t first sight before I could tell my name, and met with the kindest reception, a3 the child of a dear deceased friend. — My friends had two daughters. The* eldest (as I un- derstood some years afterwards) had i often considered by her mother and mine, as a future wife for me, from the time of her birth. I know, indeed, that intimate friend* frequently amuse themselves with such distant prospects for their children, and thit they miscarry much oftencrthan succeed. I do not say that my mother pre* dieted what was to happen, yet there was something remarkable in the manner of it* taking place. All intercourse between the families had been long breken off; I was REV. J. NEWTON. 19 going into a foreign country, and only call- ed to pay a hasty visit ; and this I should not have thought of, but for a message re- ceived just at that crisis, for I had not been invited at any time before. Tims the cir- cumstances were precarious in the highest degree, and the event was as extraordinary. Almost at the first sight of this girl (for she was then under fourteen) I was impressed with an affection for her, which never abated or lost its influence a single moment in my heart from thai hour. In degree, it actually equalled all that the writers of romance have imagined ; in duration, it was unalterable. I soon lost all sense of religion, and became deaf to the remon- strances of conscience and prudence ; but my regard for her was always the same ; and 1 may perhaps venture to say, that none of the icenea of misery and wicked- ness I afterwards experienced, ever ba- ished her a single hour together from my waking thoughts, for the seven following years. me leave, Sir. to reflect a little upon this unexpected Incident, and to consider it- influence upon my future Kile, and how far i ! ; soot tQ tin- vlewi of Divine Providence concerninj which teem to baye been twofoloj that bj being fh en up (or *■ while to U lequfncei <>i my own wilfulnceti and iltm> med by i high hum!, my east) .so far as it should be known, might be both a warning and an emvu. .^vnient to others. 20 MEMOIRS OF THE In the first place, hardly any thing" less than this violent and commanding passion would have been sufficient to awaken me from the dull melancholy habit I had con- tracted. I was almost a misanthrope, not- withstanding I so much admired the pic- tures of virtue and benevolence as drawn by Lord Shaftesbury ; but now my reluc- tance to active life was overpowered at once, and I was willing to be or to do any thing which might subserve the accomplish- ment of my wishes $t some future time. Farther, when I afterwards made ship- wreck of faith, hope, and conscience, my love to this person was the only remaining principle which in any degree supplied their place ; and the bare possibility of seeing her again, was the only present and obvious means of restraining me from the most horrid designs against myself and others. But then the ill effects it brought upon me counterbalanced these advantages. The interval usually styled the time of courtship, is indeed a pleasing part of life, where there is a mutual affection, the consent of friends, a reasonable prospect as to settle- ment, and the whole is conducted in a prudential manner, and in subordination to the will and f<*ar of God. When things are thus situated, it is a blessing to be sus- ceptive of the tender passions. But when these concomitants are wanting, what we call luve is the most tormenting pillion in itself, and the most destructive in its consequences, that can be named. And REV. J. NEWTON. 21 they were all wanting in my case. I durst not mention it to her friends, or to ray own, nor indeed for a considerable time to herself, as I could make no pro- posals : it remained as a dark fire, locked up ill my own breast, which gave me a constant uneasiness. By introducing an idolatrous regard to a creature, it greatly weakened my sense of religion, and made farther way for the entrance of infidel prin- ciples; and though it seemed to promise great things, as an incentive to diligence and activity in life, in reality it performed nothing. I often formed mighty projects in my mind of what I would willingly do or suffer for the sake of her I loved ; yet whue 1 could have her company, I was in- capable of forcing myself away, to improve opportunities that ottered. Still less could it do in regulating my manners. It did not prevent me from engaging in a long train of excess and riot, Utterly unworthy the honourable pretensions I had formed. And though, through tin- wonderful Into r- position of Divine (ioodness, the maze of my follies was at leilgth unravelled, and my wishes crowned Injiueij a piann< overpaid my sufferings; yet 1 itn imp 1 would not go through the same series of trouble again, to poeseessi) the treasures of both tin- Indies, L have enlarged wore than l Intended on this point, is p tins.- papers maa ba useful to caution others igainal Indulging in ungovernable passion, by my painful « ii may such headstrong VOtlHei be 22 MEMOIRS OF THE said " to sow the wind, and to reap the " whirlwind !" My heart being now fixed and rivetted to a particular object, I considered every thing I was concerned with in a new light. I concluded it would be absolutely impossi- ble to live at such a distance as Jamaica, for a term of four or five years ; and there- fore determined, at all events, that I would - not go. I could not bear either to acquaint my father with the true reason, or to in- vent a false one ; therefore, without taking any notice to him why I did so, I stayed three weeks instead of three days, in Kent, till I thought (as it proved) the opportunity would be lost, and the ship sailed. I then returned to London. I had highly dis- pleased my father by this disobedience ; but he was more easily reconciled than I could have expected. In a little time 1 with a friend of his to Venice. In this voyage I was exposed to the company and ill example of the common sailors, among whom I ranked. Importunity and oppor- tunity presenting every day, I once more began to relax from the sobriety and or- der which I had observed, in some t certain Which), and demanded UftC SftUVG of my grief. I told him th leas- ing that I had ruined ni) r\( f hull;,, .i,d pity. He hlaun and asked, it 1 should be v\ ; e'r supposing I had my ring again ? 1 COllM hardly an- swer to this ; for I thought it was fQM 26 MEMOIRS OF THE beyond recal. I believe, indeed, I had not time to answer, before I saw this un- expected friend to go down under the wa- ter, just in the spot where I had dropped it; and he soon returned, bringing the ring with him. The moment he came on board, the flames in the mountains were extinguished, and my seducer left me. Then was " the prey taken froitfthe hand " of the mighty, and the lawful captive " delivered." My fears were at an end, and with joy and gratitude I approached my kind deliverer to receive the ring again : but he refused to return it, and spoke to this effect : M If you should be intrusted ♦'with this ring again, you would very " soon bring yourself into the same dis- •' tress ; you are not able to keep it : but I " will preserve it for you, and, whenever *' it is needful, will produce it on your be- " half." tfoon this I awoke, in a state ©f mind not to be described : I could hardly eat, or sleep, or transact my necessary business, for two or three days. But the impression soon wore off, and in a little time I totally forgot it ; audi think it hardly occurred to mv mind agaip, till several years afterwards. It \\\\\ appear, in the course of these papers, thai a time tame, when 1 found myself in circumstances very nearly resembling those suggest t d by this extraordinary dream, when 1 stood help- Jess and hopeless upon the brink of an aw- ful eternity: and I doubt not but, bad the eyes of my mind been then opened, 1 should have seen uiv grand enemy, who KEV. J. NEWTON. 27 had seduced me wilfully to renounce and cast away my religious profession, and to involve myself in the most complicated crimes ; I say, I should probably have seen him pleased with my agonies, and waiting' for a permission to seize and bear away my soul to his place of torment. I should perhaps have seen likewise, that Jesus, whom I had persecuted and defied, re- buking the adversary, challenging me for his own, as a brand plucked out of the fire, and saying, " Deliver him from going " down to the pit ; I have found a ransom." However, though I saw not these things, I found the benefit ; I obtained mercy. The Lord answered for me in the day of my distress; and, blessed be his name, he who restored the ring (or whnt was signi- fied by it), vouchsafes to keep it. O wkit an unspeakable comfort is this, that 1 am not in mine own keeping! M The Lord is n my shepherd. " 1 D I uabled to trust my all in his bauds: ami 1 know in whom l li.ivr believed. Satan still deal to ha\e me, that lie Blight silt DOC a. wl.rat ; but my Saviour bat preyed for me, that my fail!) may not fail. Here is my set u- ind power ; a bulwark against ^ I f hell cannot prevail. Bui this, many a time and ott«n (if possible) I first deli\. , 1 .':• 111 i i. ,11, .mil stum- ble at has dime for me, il his fait hl'uluess was i i * ► t m d In m) I « naif, to be mj sun •hicld even unto death. — M Bid! the I. J my soul!" SS MEMOIRS OF THE Nothing very remarkable occurred in the following part of that voyage. I re- turned home December 4743, and soon after repeated my visit to Kent, where t protracted my stay in the same imprudent manner I had done before; which again disappointed my father's designs in my fa- vour, and almost provoked him to disown me. Before any thing suitable offered again, I Was impressed (owing entirely to my own thoughtless conduct, which was all of a piece), and put on board a tender! it was at a critical juncture^ when the French fleets were hovering upon our coast, so that my father was incapable to procure my release. In a few days I was sent on board the Harwich man of war at the Nore : I entered here upon quite a new scene of life, and endured much hardship for about a mouth. My lather was then willing that I should remain in the 1. as a war was daily expected, and procured me a recommendation to the captain, who took me upon the quarter-deck as a mid- shipman. 1 had now an easy life as to ex- ternals, and might have gained respect ; but my mind was unsettled, and my beha- viour very indifferent. I here met with com- panions who completed tin* ruin of my prin- ciples ; and though 1 affected to talk of virtue, and was not so outwardly aban- 1 as afterwards, yet my delight and habitual practice was wickedness. My chief inti- mate was a person of exceeding good natu- ral talents, and much observation : he was the greatest master of what is called tht REV. J. NEWTON. 2§ fret-thinking scheme 1 remember to have met with, and knew how to insinuate his sentiments in the most plausible way.— And his zeal was equal to his address ; he could hardly have laboured more in the cause, if he had expected to gain heaven by it. Allow me to add, while I think of it, that this man, whom I honoured as my master, and whose practice I adopted so eagerly, perished in the same way as 1 ex- pected to have done. I have been told, that he was overtaken in a voyage from Lisbon with a violent 6torm ; the vessel and people escaped, but a groat sea broke on hoard, and swept \-.\v.\ 111 to eternity. — Thus the Lord spares or punishes according to his sovereign pleasure !i Bttt to re- turn: I was fond of his company; and having myself a smattering of books, was eager enough to s!:< ''•!»£• He soon perceived my case, that 1 had not wholly brok' 1 througb tin- restraints of conscience^ and therefore did net lb with too broad intimati US o| I he rather, as 1 thought, l] of r« i had gained my confidence, he began to *;>eak pUtrnteri and taehinent to the {'it.-, ined issue with me upon •'■■.«■«■« I nt| that 1 had m \> | 1 it. In :i t he SO [ u u i rained, and I i nfc red lot nKb all my spirit. Thus, like sj| unwary SftMoffc who 'tnj.** hi. port just I - • iug 30 MEMOIRS OF THE storm, I renounced the hopes and comforta of the gospel, at the very time when every other comfort was about to fail me. In December 1744, the Harwich was in the Downs, bound to the East Indies. The captain gave me liberty to go on shore for a day ; but without consulting pru- dence, or regarding consequences, I took horse, and following the dictates of my restless passion, 1 went to take a last leave of her I loved. I had little satisfac- tion in the interview, as I was sensible that I was taking pains to multiply my own troubles. The short time I could stay passed like a drdam ; and on New-year's day 1745, I took my leave to return to the ship. The captain was prevailed on to excuse my absence ; but this rash step (es- pecially as it was not the first liberty of the kind I had taken) highly displeased him, and lost me his favour, which I never recovered. At length we sailed from Spithcad with a very large fleet. We put into Torbay with a change of- wind ; but it returning fair again, we sailed the next u 1 of our fleet were lost in attempting to leave- that place; but the following night the whole fleet was greatly endangered Upon the coast of Cornwall, by a storm from the southward. The darkness of the night, and the number of the vessels, occasioned much confusion and damage. Our ship, though several times in imminent danger of being run down by other vessels, oscaped REV. J. NEWTON'. 31 unhurt ; but many suffered much, parti- cularly the Admiral. This occasioned our putting back to Plymouth. While we lay at Plymouth, I heard that my father, who had interest in some of the ships lately lost, was come down to Tor- bay. He had a connection at that .time with the African Company. I thought, if I could get to him, he might easily intro- duce me into that service, which would be better than pursuing a long uncertain voy- age to the East Indies. It was a maxim with me in those unhappy days, Never t» deliberate ; the thought hardly occurred to me, but I was resolved to leave the ship at all events: I did so, and in the wrongest manner possible 1 ne day iit the boat, to take care that none of tl:$ people deserted; hut I betrayed my trust, and went off myself. 1 knew not what road to take, and durst not ask, for fear of being suspected; yet Diwiflg s > 1 1 . ■ * general of the count ry, I £u< and -alum I had travelled | ,11 und, upon inquiry, that I w;is on ih<- rO*d t<> 1 mout.li. A!i weril U i"<»th!y that day, and • ; I w:ilke .! peeted to hue been with my father In IDdUt two hours, win u I was met I small party of sohliei |, J OOOl I Hoi (.!:>•, in | !.,• :, ii.u .1 h. m I •. then lent on boA\d m> shij>, kept a while in 32 MEMOIRS OF THE irons, then publicly stripped and whipped; after which I was degraded from my office, and all my former companions forbidden to she\V me the least favour, or even to speak to me. As midshipman I had been entitled to some command, which (being sufficiently haughty and vain) I had not been backward to exert. 1 was now in my turn brought down to a level with the lowest, and exposed to the insults of all. And as my present situation was uncom- fortable, my future prospects were still worse : the evils I suffered were likely to grow heavier every day. While my catas- trophe was recent, the officers, and my quondam brethren, were something dis- posed to screen me from ill usage; but during the lii tie time I remained with them afterwards, I found them cool very fast in their endeavours to protect me. Indeed they could not avoid it, without running a great risk of sharing with me; for the caplain, though in general a humane man, who behaved very well to the ship's < pany, was almost implacable in his resent- ment w'n^n he had been greatly offended, and took several occasions to show himself so to me ; and the voyage was expected to be (as it proved) for five years. Yet 1 think nothing 1 cither felt or 1 tressed me so much as to .hus forcibly torn away from the object of my aticctions, under a gre.it improbability <>» seeing her again, and a much %\ returning in such a manner as uuuld gift REV. J. NEWTON. SS me hopes of seeing her mine. Thus I was as miserable on all hands as could well be imagined. My breast was filled with the most excruciating passions, eager desire, bitter rage, and black despair. — Every hour exposed me to some new insult and hardship, with no hope of relief or mitiga- tion ; no friend to take my part, or to lis- ten to my complaint. Whether I looked inward or outward, 1 could perceive no- thing but darkness and misery. 1 think no case, except that of a conscience wounded by the wrath of God, could be more dreadful than mine : I cannot ex- press with what wishfuluess and regret I cast my last looks upon the English shore: 1 kept my eyes fixed upon it, till the ship's distance increasing, it insensibly disappeared ; and when I could see it no lor.gcr, I was tempted to throw my>< If Into the sea, which (according to the wick- 4(1 system 1 had adopted) v. mild put I pe- riod i o ell my sorrows at once. Hut Mm secret hand of ( •med urn. Help me to preieehim, dear sir, for his w drrful goodness to tin- most unworlh all bit (natures. 1 am, &C. Jan, 15. 1763. c9 84 MEMOIRS OF THE LETTER IV. Voyage to Madeira — Entry on board a Guineaman — and Voyage to Africa, DEAR SIR, rpnoL'GH I desired your instructions as to •*• the manner and extent of these Me- moirs, I began to write before I received them, and had almost finished the precede ing sheet when your favour of the 11th came to hand. I shall find another occa- sion to acknowledge my sense of your kind expressions of friendship, which I pray the Lord I may never give you cause»to repent or withdraw: at present I shall confine myself to what more particularly relates to the task assigned me. I shall obey you, Sir, in taking notice of the little incidents you recal to my memory, and of others of the like nature, which, without your di- rection, I should have thought too trivial, and too much iny own to deserve mention- ing. When I began the eight letters, I in- tended to say no more of myself than might be necessary to illustrate the wonders of divine providence and grace in the leading turns of my life ; but I account your judg- ment a sufficient warrant for enlarging my plan. Amongst other things, you desired a more explicit account of the state and progress of my courtship, as it is usually ised. This was the point in which I thought it especially became m# to be very REV. J. NEWTON. 35 brief; but I submit to you ; and this seems a proper place to resume it, by telling you how it stood at the time of my leaving Eng- land. When my inclinations first disco- vered themselves, both parties were so young, that no one but myself considered it in a serious view. It served for tea-ta- ble talk amongst our friends : and nothing farther was expected from it. But after- wards, when my passion seemed to have abiding effects, so that in an interval of two years it was not at all abated, and es- pecially as it occasioned me to act without any regard to prudence or interest, or my father's designs ; and as there was a cool- ness between him and the family, ht-r pa- rents began to consider it as a matter of consequence; and when I took my last leave of them, her mother, at the same time she expressed the most tender affec- tion for me, as if 1 had been her own child, told me, that though she had no objections tbmake t upouauppOeitioDj that at amaturer a«;e there should be a probabi'ty of our tfing noun i prudent protpi 1 1 \ yet at tilings then itOOdj she thought henelf obli- ged to inttn'ere I .in. I tberefOM desired 1 would no more think of returning to their house, ooleea her , he would put nie OQ board .-\ man of war; and this, from what 1 had known air dreadful tonic than (I. mi'.i. To avoid it, I determined to remain in Africa) and amused myself with mam gold< n' d find an opportunity of Improving my for- tune. Thert are still upon that part I a f< w white m II I it !. .1 ii, (! t 1 were many more at the time 1 was first there h.-ue e» ut, and sell them to the i ad- i these, wl landed in my In had acquired considerable wealth ; he hid lite- 42 MEMOIRS OF THE Iy "been in England, and was returning in the vessel I was in, of which he owned a quarter part. His example impressed me with hopes of the same success, and upon condition of entering into his service, I ob- tained my discharge. I had not the precau- tion to make any terms, but trusted to his generosity. I received no compensation for my time on board the ship, but a bill upon the owners in England; which was never paid, for they failed before my return. The day the vessel sailed, I landed upon the island of Benanoes, with little more than the clothes upon my back, as if 1 had escaped shipwreck. I am, &c. Jan. 17, 1763. LETTER V. Hardships endured in Jfrica. DEAR SIR, nrviF.iM; seems an important Instruct! •*• and of frequent hm, in these \\f the q selves (during thfl Ami ;> . if of »ny resi- dence among them), but tli i > food to mm k i ! hi. . I was as yet an 4< ot xvi ), and to' all am posed to <• Lord i el with mercy, — he did m I a* 1 justly deserved ; M in- | • 4t when 1 w.is, in lev 1.1 H me, Live." But t l i • asm lnt< d liiun of bl I my Iniquities u Ith the . ., and to admit mc to ; 44 MEMOIRS OF THE of his children, was not till long after- wards ; yet even now he bid me Wire ; and I can only ascribe it to his secret uphold- ing power, that what 1 suffered in a part of this interval, did not bereave me either of my life or senses : }e£, as by these suf- ferings the force of my evil example and inclinations v. as lessened, I have reason to account them amongst my mercies. It -may not, perhaps, be amiss to digress for a few lines, and give you a very brief sketch of the geography of the circuit I was now confined to ; especially as 1 may have frequent occasion to refer to places I shall now mention ; for my trade aiter- wards, when the Lord gave me to see be : Bf days, was chiefly to the same places, and with the same persons, where and by-whora I had been considered as upon a level with their meanest slaves. From Cape de Yerd, the most western point of Africa, to J. Mount, the whole coast is lull of rivers; the principal ire, Gambia, Hio Grande, Sierra Leon, a;;d Sherbro. Of the former, as it is well known, and 1 was never there, I need say nothing. The Rio Grande (like the Nile) divides into man\ branches I the sea. On tbe u< lied Cacheo, the Portuguese have a settlement. The most southern branch, known by the name ut Jiio \uria, is, or then was, the usual boundary it the white men's trade northward. Surra Leon is a mountainous peninsula, unijihabitcd, and, 1 1.' Inaccessible, upon account of the tl woods, excepting thote parts which he fcEV. J. NltWf ON, 43 hear it | from then- own blemler pittance, •ant, n tin- ler upon the mil -i than |( >ms.' l bad an ihund u I I was - would h met , not t.> pity or relic \ -18 MfcMblRS OP THE call me worthless and indolent, and com- pel me to walk ; which when I could hardly i.\o, she would set her attendants to mimic my motion, to clap their hands, laugh, throw limes at me; or, if they chose to throw stones (as I think was the case once or twice), they were not rebuked; but, in general, though all who depended on her favour must join in her treatment, yet, when she was out of sight, I was ra- ther pitied than scorned by the meanest of her slaves. At length my master returned from his voyage. I complained of ill usage ; but he could not believe me : and as I did it In her hearing, I fared no better for it. But in his second voyage he took me with him. We did pretty" well for a while, till a brother-trader he met in the river per- suaded him that I was unfaithful, and stole his goods in the night, or when he was on shore. This was almost the only vice I could not I3e justly charged with : the only remains of a good education I could boast of was what is commonly called honesty ; and, as far as he had intrusted me, I had been always true ; and tboo atdistress might, in some mount*, onto footntd it, I never once thought of defrauding bin in the smallest matter. However, the charge was believed, and I condemned without evidence. From that time he likewise used me very hardly : whenever he left the ves- sel, 1 w;.s locked upon deck, with a pint of rice for my day's allowance ; and, if he stayed longer, I had no relief till his return. Indeed, I believe I should have been nearly REV. J. NEWTON. 43 starved, but for an opportunity of catching fish sometimes. When fowls were killed for bis own use, I seldom was allowed any part but the entrails to bait my hooks with : and at what we call slack vtater f that is, about the changing of the tides, when the current was still, I used generally to fish (for at other times it was not practicable), and I very often succeeded. It I saw a fish upon my hook, my joy was little less than any other person may have found in the ac- complishment of the scheme he had most at heart. Such a fish, hastily broiled, or rather half burnt, without sauce, salt, or bread, has afforded me a delicious meal. II 1 eaurht none, I might (if 1 could) sleep away nly hunger till the next return of sl:u K v. Iter, :iml th. n ti v .•.' .;•. Nor did I suffer legs from the inclemency of the weather, and the want of doth.ee. " rainy seasi .hole suit was a shut, a pair »>f trowten, ■ cot- ton handkerehfa t instead i id a cotton cloth, about two yards lonj . I ;•!•. the wantof i utred, I havi in incessant rati nied with strong wh< n my maetei tW :,.„t paim l tbi n c ,siv<» • restored i I 50 MEMOIRS OF THE but the effects of the former still remain with me, as a needful memento of the ser- vice and wages of sin. In about two months we returned, and then the rest of the time I remained with him was chiefly spent at the Plantanes, under the same regimen as I have already mentioned. My haughty heart was now brought down ; not to a wholesome repent- ance, not to the language of the prodigal ; this was far from me ; but my spirits were 6unkj I lost all resolution, and almost all reflection. I had lost the fierceness which fired me when on board the Harwich, and which made me capable of the most despe- rate attempts; but I was no further changed than a tiger tamed by lfunger : — remove the occasion, and he will be as wild as ever. One thing, the ge, is most true. Though destitute of food and cloth- ing, depressed to a d< 17, 1763. /\o //.' wrAn/kdinAnf £m* HEV. J. NEWTON. 51 LETTER VI. Enlargement in Africa* DEAR SIR, rpHERB is much piety and spirit in the -*- grateful acknowledgement of Jacob, 41 With my stall* I passed over this Jordan, " anil now I am become tv. are words which ought to affect mo with a iiiar < motion. I remember that • of those mournful days to which mj last letter refers, I m lime or lemon trees. The | Ut in the ground w< ■■. gooseberry-busb tress p u ling by the plac$, stop] to I says lie, "who knows but by the time " th< ■ 1 1 41 man.l of a |hl M In 11 things sometii intended It, I Here be th . it i should live proved s pn ' at least) lived ; land, in th ami | my rtlfttJ it U 52 MEMOIRS OF THE the Divine Goodness, by comparing the circumstances in which the Lord has since placed me, with what I was at that time! Had you seen me, Sir, then go so pensive and solitary, in the dead of night, to wash my one shirt upon the rocks, and after- wards put it on wet, that it might dry upon my back while I slept ; had you seen me so poor a figure, that when a ship's boat came to the island, shame often con- strained ihl> to hide myself in the woods from the sight of strangers : especially had you known that mv conduct, principles, and heart, were still darker than my out- ward condition ; — how little would you have imagined, that one who so fully an- | to the j-v7nro< k, /j.ls;cl, a 1. with I it is Qg .' my the eyjli an 1 know not exa< t".\ h tr a or three t. Illf, that I had resolved not to n-lui D land I have hk> wise b) me the i >w< t ebb| it ■ « in . 1 i r ap~ 111 i i\l to hit friend In I ha . ;ic- cordi captain oi wat then fitting oui lor Gambia an 54 MEMOIRS OF THE Some time within the year, as I have said, I obtained my master's consent to live with another trader, who dwelt upon the same island. Without his consent I could not be taken j and he was unwilling to do it sooner : but it was then brought about. This was an alteration much to my advan- tage : I was soon decently clothed, lived in plenty, was considered as a companion, and trusted with the care of all his domestic effects, which were to the amount of some thousand pounds. This man had several factories, and white servants, in different places ; particularly one in Kittam, the river I spoke of, which runs so near along the sea- coast. I was soon appointed to go there, where I had a share in the manage- ment of business, jointly with another of his servants. We iived as we pleased, bu- siness flourished, and'our employer was sa- tisfied. Here I began to be wretch enough to think myself happy. There is a signifi- cant phrase frequently used in those parts, That such a white man is grown black. It does nut intend an alteration of complexion, but disposition. I have known several, who, settling in Africa alter the age of thirty or forty, have at that time of life, betffi gradually a^imilated to the tempers, customs, and <•< reinonirs of the natives, so far as to prefer thai country to England: they have even |>ec6me dupes to all the pretended charms, necromancies, amok and divinations of the blinded negroes', and put more trust in such things than the wiser sort among the natives. A part of REV. J. NEWTON. 55 this spirit of infatuation was growing upon. me (in time perhaps I might have yielded to the whole) ; I entered into closer en- gagements with the inhabitants ; and should have lived and died a wretch among them, if the Lord had not watched over me for good. Not that I had lost those ideas which chiefly engaged my heart to England, but despair of seeing them accom- plished made me willing to remain where I was. I thought I could more easily bear the disappointment In this situation than nearer home. But so soon as I had Axed my connections and plans with ti. the Lord providentially interposed to break them in pieces, and M 1:1 ruin in spite In the mean t; blp that had orders to bring me 1. Leon. The •■ tain ■ 1 . ; • Inqnli ••■ ' >r me in I doobt, the just at 1 1 . II ine had b talnlj an) ul I ' h lint auks distance from ti.': PJantanctj jrctj M MEMOIRS OF THE by the peculiar situation which I have al- ready noticed, I was still within a mile of the gea-coast. To make the interposition more remarkable, I was at that rery junc- ture going in quest of trade, to a place at some distance directly from the sea ; and should have set out a day or two before, but that we waited for a few articles from the next ship that offered to complete the assortment of goods I was to take with me. We used sometimes to walk on the beach, in expectation of seeing a vessel pass by ; but this was very precarious, as at that time the place was not at all resorted to by ships for trade. Many passed in the night, others kept at a c dis- tance from the shore. In a word, I do m t know that any one had stopped while I was there, though some had before, upon ob- serving a signal made Iron; In February 1747 (I know not lay), my fellow-servcmt, walking down to the beach in the for* past, and made a smoke in token of tr She was already a little beyond tl and as the wind was fair, the captain in some demur whether to stop or not. However, had my a If an hour later, she would have been gone be- yond recall ; but he I an anchor, on board In a canoe-; and this proved the very ship 1 bavespokcn of. One of the ftrit questions he was asked was concerning me ; and when the captain understood I was so near, he came on shore to deliver his message, iiau au in- REV. J. NEWTON, *T vitation from home reached me when I was sick and starving at the Plantanes, I should have received it as life from the dead ; but now, for the reasons already given, I heard it at first with indifference. The captain, unwilling to loose me, told a story altoge- ther of his own framing i he gave me a very plausible account how he had missed a large packet of letters and papers which he should have brought with him; but this, he said, he was sure of, having had it from my father's own mouth, as well as from his employer, that a person lately feed bad h-ftiw £400 per annum; adding furtlu r, lli.it it 1 was any way embarrassed in m\ cinumstances, he had express orders • m mi-, t h .ri;l) it should ft balfol bia r;w particular of this Id 1 myself beli. \ to ; but as I had tome expectation! from an af ■ ::t I part Of it Blight bi trm I was not long in sn r though ray father's care end desire to see me l. with me, .uk! would h i tent to make me quil • lily t! paore pOI dM In i n 'ill'- c mtain further pro". he k«pt bie freed), toafl I should lodge in In, dine at his table, and be 1 stanl companion, with i service from me, And thus I was iu< i) | 58 MEMOIRS OF THE freed from a captivity of about fifteen months. I bad neither a thought nor a desire of this change one hour before it took place. I embarked with him, and in a few hours lost sight of Kittam. How much is their blindness to be pitied, who can see nothing but chance in events of this sort! so blind and stupid was I at that time : I made no reflection, I sought no direction in what had happened : like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed, I was governed with present ap- pearances, and looked no farther. But He who is eyes to the blind, was leading me in a way that I knew not. Now I am in some measure enlightened, I can easily perceive, that it is in the ad- justment and concurrence of these seem- ingly fortuitous circumstances, that the ruling power and wisdom of God is most evidently displayed in human affairs. How many such casual events may we remark in the history of Joseph, which had each a necessary influence on his ensuing pro- motion ! If he had not dreamed, or if he had not told his dream ; — if the Midianites had passed by a day sooner, or a day later ; if they had sold him to any person but Po- tiphar; if his mistress had been a better woman ; if Pharaoh's officers had not dis- pleased their Lord ; or if any, or all these thintrs had fallen out in any other manner or time than they did — all that follow rd had been prevented J the promises and purposes of (iod concerning Israel, their bondage, deliverance, polity, and settle- REV. J. NEWTON. &9 ment, must have failed : and as all these things tended to, and centered in Christ, tin? promised Saviour, the desire of all na- tions would not have appeared. Mankind had been still in tin ir sins, without hope, and the counsels of God'l eternal love in favour of sinners defeated. Thus we may see a connection between JoaepVi first dream and the death i^i our Lord t'hn-t, with all its glorious conseqtM ■trpng, though secret, is the concatenation between the gnatest and the smallest events. What a comfortable thought this to a believer, to know, that, amidst all the various interfering d loen, the Lord b Ri which he cannot , will •■ glory mi i !«• ; and thai he ij wise, and strong, and faithful, to make eveu those thjngi which iceoi cont rary I to promote it! Vou hava allowed ma In comment upon m\ own the length of tins observation iua\ n . With treat respect, &c, Jun. 14, W *> MEMOIRS OF THE LETTER VII. Voyage from Cape Lopez for England. DEAR SIR, The ship I was now on board as a passen- ger, was on a trading voyage for gold, ivory, dyers wood, and bees wax. It re- quires much longer time to collect a cargo of this sort, than of slaves. The captain began his trade at Gambia, had been al- ready four or five months in Africa, and continued there a year, or thereabouts, after 1 wa3 with him; in which time we ranged the whole coast as far as Cape Lo- pei, which lies about a degree south of the equinoctial, and mare than a thousand miles farther from England than the place where I embarked. 1 have little to oftVr worthy your notice in the course of this tedious voyage. I had no business to em- ploy my thoughts, but sometimes amused myself with mathematics : excepting this, my whole life when awake, was a course of most horrid impiety and profaneness. I know not that. I have ever since met so daring a blasphemer I not content with common oaths and imprecations, I daily invented new ones; so that 1 was often seriously reproved by the captain, \\lu> was himself a very passionate man, and riot at all circumspect in his expressions. From the relation I at times made him of REV. J. NEWTON. 0] my past adventures, and what he saw of my conduct, and especially towards the close of the voyage, when he met with many disasters, he would often tell me, that, to his great grief, he had a Jonah on board ; that a curse attended me where- ver I went ; and that all the troubles be met with In the voyage were owing to his having taken me into the vessel. I shall omit any further particulars, and, alter mentioning tn instanee or two of the Lord's mercy to ine, while I was thus de- fying his power and patience, ] shall pro- 1 to something more worthy your pOf*> Although I lived long in tin- . xcess of tlOM toiler, 1 i; was fond of drinking | and my father hat < Ron boon board fcoioyi ihafl whXh 1 avoid* «d drunk' -dnmld still entertain hopes Of ins r\r the lienor, 1 was sold to do Iniq and delight. ,1 m nn.< In. f. Tin- last abo- roinabk i I ingagod In wai in tin- ri\ |mii,c \>%rre my own. lour 0| our evening -it down onondocjct to see who could bold out l< ngett in drinking ge- and nun ;ilt supplied tl i a glass. I was \ unfit tor i challenge of tl bead was aiu.w s incapable of bearing much stroi gODj and BfOPOtOd I'nc tirst toast, which 1 well r«- 63 MEMOIRS OF THE member was some imprecation against the person who should start first. — This proved to be myself. — My brain was soon fired 1 arose, and danced about the deck like a madman ; and while I was thus diverting my companions, my hat went overboard. By the Ifght of the moon, I saw the ship's b oat, and eagerly threw myself over the side to get into her, that I might recow-r my hat. M^ sight in that circumstance deceived me ; for the beat was not within my reach, as 1 thought, but perhaps twenty feet from the ship's side. I win, li half overboard, and should in one moment more have plunged myself into the water, when somebody catched hold of my clothes behind, and pulled me back. 'J i , au amazing escape : for 1 could not swim if I had been sober; the tide ran \ery strong; my companions were too imich intOftli me ; and the rest of the ship's company were asleep. I to appeal. i:. Mg in thai ful condition, and linking into eternity under the weight of my own I Another time, at Cape Lot us had been in the woods, and shot ialo, or wild cow; we brought a part of it fully marked the plate (as I thought Li ft the remainder. In the > i i it; but >vc set out ti'o late. 1 undertook to inning on in fore we couk) reach the place, we lostourway. Sometimes we were in swamps, up to the middh i I \\ a- d \ iun w<- recovered dry lai could ui t tell whether we were walking to. REV. J. NEWTON. ftf ward's the ship, or wandering farther from her. — Every step increased our uncertain- ty. — Tin' nighJ grew darker, and we were entangled in inextricable woods, where, perhaps, the foot of man had never trod before. That part of the country is en- tirely abandoned to wild beasts, with which it prodigiously abounds. We were, lnde< <1, in a telltale case, having neither light) food, nor arms, and expecting a tiger to rush from behind every tree. The stars cleudedj and we bad DO compass, to form a judgment which way we wt tilings continued thusi we bad | bably perished ; hut it ) perplexity, the I out i i narter. I( as we had expected, that, instead "I dl in^ nearer tot: , w<- bad I penetrating into the eount the guidanot of the mo to the w.i Irom the ship. W with vfliat we sullen-, I Those, and m BJtfl .til .it thai ' in . The edmonitfc i from mii < . .ik- « i ..ud weaker, and Inr I for some years, 1 tan not bad I have be« n visited w it batten d i ; bad C4 MEMOIRS OF THE not the least concern about, the conse- quences. In a word, I seemed to have every mark of final impenitence and rejec- tion ; neither judgments nor mercies made the least impression on me. At length, our business finished, we left Cape Lopez, and, after a few days stay at the island of Annabona, to lay in provi- sions, we sailed homewards, about the be- ginning of January 1748. From Annabona to England, without touching at any in- intermediate port, is a very long naviga- tion, perhaps more than seven thousand miles, if we include the circuit necessary to be made on account of the trade-winds. We sailed first westward, till near the coast of Brazil, then northwards, to the* banks of Newfoundland, with the usual variations of wind and weather, and with- out meeting any thing extraordinary. On these banks we stopped half a day to fish lor cod : this was then chiefly for diversion; we had provisions enough, and little ex- pected those fish (as it afterwards proved) w Mild be all we should have to subsist on. We left the banks March 1, with a hard gale of wind westerly, which pushed us fast homewards. 1 should here observe, that with the length of this voyage in a hot climate, the vessel was greatly out of ;r, and very unfit to support stormy ther; the sails and cordage were like- wise very much worn out, and many •licfa circumstances concurred to render followed more dangerous. 1 think it was on the 9th of March, the day before REV. J. NEWTON. fi5 our catastrophe, that 1 felt a thought pass through my mind, which I had long been a stranger to. Among the few books we had on board, one was Stanhope's Thornus a Ketnpis : I carelessly took it up, as t had often done before, to pass away | time; but 1 had *tili read it with the | .. i 1 1 c 1 1 ; '. , it \s as entirely a romance. However, while I was reading this turn , an Involuntary w my mind. What if these things should lie true? I could not bear the force of the inference, as it related t i myself, and therefore shot tht? bn<»k presently. My conscience i una! me once more j and 1 con- clud< . I must al the i ( put an abrupt end t(J I . by Joining In ■ it b some vain i n or lint now thi- l.oi rfi time MM the conviction 1 w as so unw i fnl dispensation! I w< nt t.» I ed I in my usual iccui il \ ami ii was p b] the So much 'i Ion - ilcd the Cabin 1 laj in \s it h w Thil alarm was followed b\ I tl.e deck, ti.a the ship was going down, sinking. As SOON as 1 oould I 1 essayed to -<> upon upon the lander sired me to bHttg I knile Willi in \ I returned for the knife, IflsuV person 66 MEMOIRS OF THE went up in my room, who was instantly washed overboard. We had no leisure to lament him : nor did we expect to survive him long; for we soon found the ship was filling- with water very fast. The sea had torn away the upper timbers on one side, and made* the ship a mere wreck in a few minutes. I shall not affect to describe this disaster in the marine dialect, which would be understood by few; and therefore I can give you hut a very inadequate idea of it. Taken in all circumstances, is was asto- nishing, and almost miraculous, that any of us survived to relate the story- We had immediate recourse to the pumps ; but the water increased against all our efforts: some of us were set to bailing in another ^art of the vessel, that is, to lade it out with buckets ami pails. W« had but eleven or twelve people to sustain this service ; and notwithstanding all we could do, she was full, or very near it ; and then with a com- mon cargo she must have sunk of course : but we bad a great quantity of bees- wax and wood on board, which were specifically lighter than the water; and as it pleased God that we received IMS shock in the very crisis of the gale, towards morning we were enabled to en ^ for our safety which mhv In about an hour's time, the uv began to break, and the wind Abated* We expend* ed DBOfft of our clotbet and bedding to slop the leaks though the weather was ex- ; ng cold, especially to as who had so lately left a hot climate) ; over these we REV. J. NEWTON. 67 nailed pieces of boards, and at last per- ceived the water abate. At the beginning of this hurry I was little affected. I pump- ed hard, and endeavoured to animate my- self and my companions. I told one of them, that in a few days this distress would serve us to talk of over a glaj wine : bat he being a leu hardened ftnner than mytelf, replied with tears, M N<>, it is too late now." About nine o'efa being almost spent with cold and labour, I went to speak with the captain, wbo was busied elsewhere | and just as I was re- tnrnlog from bim, i any I • h 1 1 » i -. will net do, " Lord ii '. n us." Tli. ■ n with !ni ; I I had hivut bed for spar.- of many y« in, I wai Instantly Struck with Pay own irords, ami, .<«, J f hast thou t %o it thcr> to the puinp, and 1 noon, alp. <>\ cr im\ It- i I; lull hi with i away. 1: the vessel de ended In I hi < ». i . i t , ami my h< led t he worst . if the Script ur< , e bh h I hi i, wire null-, a • mil half com In ad, r * ipeee oftfmt In of il 68 MEMOIRS OF THE the Christian religion was true, I could not be forgiven ; and was therefore expect- ing, and almost, at times, wishing to know the worst of it. I am, &c. Jan. 19, 1763. LETTER VIII. Danger, fyc. in the Voyage from C. Lopez. DEAU SIR, npiiB 10th (that is in the present style the •*■ 21st) of March, is a day mueh to be remembered by me, and I have never suf- fered it to pass wholly nni. • the year 1748. On that, day the Lord from on high, and d< Tim red me out of deep waters. — I continued at the pump from Uinc in the morning till near noon t and tie n I eouhl do no mure. I went lay UOWII UpOT) my bed, uncertain Mid al- I indifferent, whether I should I again. In an hour's time I was called; and not being able to pump, I v. eut to the helm, and steered the ship till midnight, I 1 bad here leUnn nient opportu- nity for nth ctiop, l l i to think of my forau r .* ra- ordinary turns in n.y lib- j the call*, warn- and deliverances 1 had met with; the licentious course of my conversation, REV. J. NEWTON. «9 particularly my unparalleled effrontery in making the gospel history (which I could not now be sure was false, though 1 was not as yet assured it was true the constant sub- ject ol profane ridicule. I thought allow- ing the scripture premises, there m nor could h« , inch a sinm r as myself: and then comparing the am | ii d broken through, I concluded at iirst, that I ho great to be forgiven* The script urc likewise teemed to say the same; for 1 had formerly heen well ac- quainted with the Bible, and many pas- sages upon toil o< •' asion n tamed upon my -, : ii. 10. which leemed so exaet; my iital. Thus as l have laid, I waited with and Impatl 'able doom. Vet though 1 had tl kind, nil long that I had of n\\ itate bj perhaps till tin n 1 could I propel liun the (I fbf 1" put tinner wou i And a moth. — I 70 MEMOIRS OF THE When I save, beyond all probability, there was still hope of respite, and heard about six in the evening, that the ship was freed from water, — there arose a gleam of hope. I thought I saw the hand of God displayed in our favour : I began to pray. — I could not utter the prayer of faith : I could not draw near to a reconciled God, and call him Father. My prayer was like the cry of the ravens, which yet the Lord does not dis- dain to hear. I now began to think of that Jesus whom I had so often derided : I recollected the particulars of his life, and of his death ; a death for sins not his own, but, as I remembered, forthesakeoftho.se who in their distress should put their trust in him. And now I chiefly wanted evi- dence. The comfortless principles of infidelity were deeply rivettrd, and I ra- ther wished than believed the«,e things mi re Ybu will pleatC to observe, Sir, that I collect the strain of the reasonings and exercises of my mind in one view ; but I do not say that all this patted at one • a! question now was, how to obtain faith ?■ I speak not of an appro- priating faith (of which I then knew nei- ther the nature nor W but how I should gain an assurance that the Scrip- of divine inspiration, and ■ suf- ficient warrant of trust and hope in God. One of the first lu-lps 1 received (in cons, quehce of a determi- nation to examine the New Testament more carefullv) was from Luke, xi.13. I bad been sensible, that to profess faith in Jesus Christ, when in reality I did not REV. J. NEWTON, 71 believe bis history, was no better than a mockery of the heart-searching God ; hut here 1 found a spirit ipofcen of, which was to be communicated to those who ask it. Upon this 1 reasoned thus : If this book is true, the promise in this pottage iuust be true likewi I of that very Spirit hy which the whole was wrote, in order to understand it aright. !;< mptd hew t<» -ive that Spirit to those I nm t therefore prey for it ; ami if it i«i of God* he will majcegood bin own wovd« My purpo rengtheneu by John vi». n. l concluded (road though I could not s .■; I !m 11 oj ing it ih toil 11 I <•, .illumed in it. ll wh it 1 .uu - could be perused by out modern iuti- thek manner), thai l wai n in to I i d a sinful i I fide 1 was surrounded M It! th< m il The ■ Inn wai now modtrnjft turn over U MEMOIRS OF THE greatly alarmed by our circumstances. We found that the water having floated all our moveables, in the hold, all the casks of pro- vision had been beaten to pieces by the vio- lent motion of the ship : on the other hand, our live stock, such as pigs, sheep, and poultry, had been washed overboard in the storm. In effect, all the provisions we saved, except the fish I mentioned, and some food of the pulse- kind, which used to be given to the hog* (and there was but little of this left), all our other provisions would have subsisted us but a week at a scanty allowance. — The sails, too, were mostly blown away, so that we advanced but slowly even while the wind was fair. We imagined ourselves about a hundred leagues from the land, but where in reality much farther. — Thus we proceeded with an Attentat* prevalence of hopes and fears. My leisure time was chieiiy employed in reading and meditating on the scripture, and praying to the Lord for mercy and in- struction. Things continued thus for four or five days, or perhaps longer, till we were awak- ened one morning by the joyful ftbotf the watch Upon deck proclaiming the sight of land. | the sound. The dawni: •inmonly beautiful, and the Kgbt fjust-stmng eitoagfa to discover distant, object- 1 us with a gladdening prospect: it teemed a mountainous coast, about twenty miles from us, terminating Hi a cape or point, artd a little further, two or three small REV. J. NEWTON. H islands, or hummocks, as just rising out of the water ; the appearance and position seemed exactly answerable to our hopes, resembling; the north-west extremity of Ireland, which we were steering for. We sincerely congratulated each other, making do doubt but that, if the wind continued, we should be in safety and plenty the next day. The small remainder of our brandy (which was reduced to little more than a pint* was, by the captain's orders, distributed amongst us ; he added at the same time, " We shall soon bare brandy i nough." — We likewise eat up th< read for joy of t i undiUon <>r n»< n iud •'i. While tlert, Ihe mate, with n rest, . .. l but the rett woul i him for i ■ time one I Wl ! urtw ■ lv ; our |* n( ] NN , '" ,; l in nice WRS own 74 MEMOIRS OF THE inity we were very loth to be undeceived. However, we comforted ourselves, that though we could not see the land yet, we should soon, the wind hitherto continuing fair. But, alas ! we were deprived of this hope likewise. — That very day our fair wind subsided into a calm', and the next morning the gales sprung up from the south-east, directly against us, and con- tinued so for more than a fortnight after- wards. The ship was so wrecked, that we were obliged to keep the wind always on the broken side, unless the weather was quite moderate. Thus we were dri- ven, by the wind fixing in that quarter, still further from our port, to the north- ward of all Ireland, as far as the Lewis, or western islands of Scotland, but a long way to the westward. In a word, out tion was such as deprived us of any hope of being relieved by other vessels. s It may, indeed, be questioned, whether our ship was not the very first that had been in that part of the ocean at the same season of the year. Provisions now began to grow very short; the hilf of a salted cod was ■ day's subsist- ence for twelve people. We had plenty of fresh water, but not a drop of stronger li- quor; no bread, hardly any clothes, and very cold weather. \\V had incegsant labour with the pumps, to keep the ship above wa- ter. Much labour and little food wasted ui fast, and one man died under the hardship. Yet our sufferings were light in compart- son of oui just fears. We could not afford REV. J. NEWTON. 75 (Vis bare allowance much longer, but had a terrible prospect of being either starved to death, or reduced to feed upon one another. Our expectations grew darker every day; and 1 had a further trouble peculiar to my- self. The captain, whose temper was quite soured by distress, was hourly reproaching me (as I formerly observed) as the sole cause of the calamity; and was confulent, that if I was thrown overboard, and not otherwise, they should be preserved from death'. He did not intend to m;ilv- I periment ; but the continual repetition of this m my e.u\- ga*0 DM much uneasiness, especially ei ny oom b nee itc aided his words; I thought It W all that b id befallen m m ■ I was at last found out by t: hat\d of Qodj and I thud 1 !. hopes greater than -ill my lean \ et| v. ben at the time we wore rea \y all for lost, and despair was t in even oountenao.ee, i ieu '..< wind conic ;i!m ut t<> tic it, so as best to suit that broJ tli.- ship win. . water, and t<» Blow so genua it ot remaining ealli oooid I thus it tontinuedj ■ Ithout .mv ofc ri • ' le tion or Incr h at an ni time of the year, till we one* dd id up to see the land, an that it was land i:id< <■ .. \\ UadToryj and tbe neat day anch< 76 MEMOIRS OF TH£ Lough Swilly in Ireland. This was the 8tti of April, just four weeks after the damage we sustained from the sea. When we came into this port, our very last victuals Was boiling in the pot ; and before we had been there two hours, the wind, which seemed to have been providentially re- strained till we were in a place of safety, began to blow with great violence ; so that, if we had continued at sea that night in our shattered enfeebled condition, we must, in all human appearance, have gone to the bottom. About this time I began to know, that there is a God that hears and answers prayer. How many times has he apptarSrl for me since this great deliver- ance ! Yet, alas 1 how distrustful and un- grateful is my heart unto this hour ! I am, &c. Jan. 19, 1763. LETTER IX. Events in Ireland y and Arrival in England, DEAR SIR, T iiavr brought my history down to the ■*■ time of my arrival in Ireland, 1748 ; but before I proceed, I would i.x>k back a little, to give you some further account of the state of my mind, and how far I was helped against inward difficulties, which beset me time I had many outward hardships REV. J. NEWTON. 77 to struggle with. The ^traits of hunger, cold, weariness, and the fears of sinking, and starving, I shared in common with others ; but, besides these, I felt a heart- bitterness, which was properly my own ; no one on board hut myself being impress- ed with any sense of the hand of God in our danger and deliverance, at least not awakened to any concern for their souls. No temporal dispensations can reach tho heart, unless the Lord himself applies them. My companions in danger were ei- thiT quite unatVected, or sooA (01 but it was not 10 with me; not that I was any wiser <>r better than they, hut bee the Lord was pleased to vouchsafe mi 1 was* the n unlikely person in the ihip httpressiod, ba^ • quite Btup i dencd In tl lose, E n\ hareV I and more alter cv« fy | n Me DO n ; be 1. >nl ting] -1 mc ta bias ," • tnoe, that Willi him M nutlun- l| un- • le." There were no pertona on board to whom I could open ni\ self u ith I. rn- »il, none from whom i to books* i n New ^ Stanhope, already menti- oned, and .i volume <>t Bishop Beverl Sermons, ona of which, upon paetionj affected me much. In perusing 78 MEMOIRS OF THE the New Testament, I was struck with several passages, particularly that of the iig-tree, Luke xiii. ; the case of St. Paul, 1 Tim. i. ; but particularly the Prodigal, Luke xv. ; a case, I thought, that had ne- ver been so nearly exemplified as by my- self: and then the* goodness of the father in receiving, nay, in running to meet such a son, and this intended only to illustrate the Lord's goodness to returning sinners, — this gained upon me. I continued much in prayer; I saw that the Lord had inter- posed so far to save me ; and I hoped he would do more, The outward circum- stances helped in this place to make me still more serious and earnest in crying to him who alone could relieve me ; and some- times I thought 1 could be content to die even for want of food, so I might but die a believer. Thus far I was answered, that before we arrived in Ireland I had a satis- factory evidence in my own mind of the truth of the gospel, as considered in Itself, and its exact suitableness to answer all my needs. I saw, that, by the way there point- ed out, God might declare, not his mercy only, but his justice also, in the pardon of sin, on the account of the obedk and sufferings of Jesus Christ. My judg- ment at that time embraced the sublime doctrine of M God manifest in the flesh, " reconciling the world to himself." 1 had no idea of those systems which allow the Saviour no higher honour than that of au upper servant, or at the most a demi god. I stood in need of an almighty Saviour, and such a one I Brand dcscriCed in the REV. J. NEWTON. 74 New Testament. Thus far the Lord had wrought a marvellous thing; I was n'j longer an Infidel] I heartily renounced my former profaneness ; 1 had taken up sonu* right notions, was seriously disposed, and sincerely touched with a sens'* Of the unde- served meny 1 had received, in being brought safe through so many dan.; was sorry for my past mis-spent li purposed an immediate reformation : I was quite freed from the hahit. of swearing, which teemed to hare been deeply rooted M in 1, as a second nature. Thus to all ap- pearance, 1 was ■ new iii.ii). But though 1 < t that this change, so far as it prei Djf the Spirit || still I many rYfj I | ted With ;t H n lira ; bat bed n i ippn !■■ nsl m ol the i\ extent i • i witi, t; »,i b) Jesus I ■ wisdom, itrenrth, t>i\ ol whi . I doningwhtl i J mi n lb< tiir l had n.> ( bi I nt i strength was n i at ness j and t' >et w.it having s( - $0 MEMOIRS OF THE discernment, I frequently made a wrong ehoice ; and I was not brought in the way of. evangelical preaching or conversation (except a few times when I heard but un- derstood not) for six years after this period. Those thing's the Lord was pleased to dis- cover to me gradually. I learnt them here a little, and there a little, by my own painful experience, at a distance from the common means and ordinances, and in the midst of the same course of evil com- pany, and bad examples, as I had been conversant with for some time. From this period I could no more make a mock at sin, or jest with holy things ; I no more questioned the truth of Scripture, or lost a sense of the rebukes of conscience. Therefore I consider this as the beginning of my return to God, or rather of his re- turn to me ; but I jcannot consider myself to have been a believer (in the full s of the word) till a considerable time alter- wards. 1 have told you, that in the time of our distress, we had fresh water in abundance. This was a considerable relief to us, espe- cially as our spare diet was mostly salt-h>U without bread ; we drank plentifully, and were nut afraid of wanting water : yet our stock of this likewise was mueh near.r to an end than we expected ; we supposed that we had six large butts of water on board ; and it was well that we were safe arrived in Ireland before we diseovered that five of them were empty, having been wed out of their place*, and sto* REV. J. NEWTON. 81 the violent agitation when the ship was full of water. - If we had found this out while we were at sea, it would have greatly heightened our distress, as we must have drank more sparingly. While the ship was refitting at Lough Svvilly, I repaired to Londonderry. 1 lodged at an exceeding good house, where I was treated with much kindness, and soon re- cruited my health and strength. I was now a serious professor: went twice a-day to the prayers at church, and determined to receive the sacrament the next opportu- nity. A few days before, I signified my intention t<< the minister, as the rubric di- rects ; but I found this practice WM ::rou n obsolete. At length the day came : 1 arose very early, — was very particular and earnest in my private devotion; and, with the greatest solemnity, engage d myself to be the Lord's for ever, and only ! was not .i formal but a sincere surrender, under a warm sense of nun ies recently received | and yet, fof want of a I < knowledge , end the lubtiU] .n's temptations, I was sedu get the vow> ( : 1 'pun the. whole, though R . u t, I ex- I"'" ion In the to which 1 hitherto ■ i 'i he n< \t | 1 v. iih the men, and | fuwling-p!e< £3 82 MEMOIRS OF THfi I held it in a perpendicular direction, it ■went off so near my face as to burn away the corner of my hat. Thus when we think ourselves in the greatest safety, we are no less exposed U\ danger, than ■when all the elements .seem conspiring to destroy us. The Divine Providence, which is sufficient to deliver us in our utmost ex* tremity, is equally necessary to our preser- vation in the most peaceful situation. During our stay in Ireland I wrote home. The vessel I was in had not been beard of for eighteen months, and was given up for lost long before. My father had no more expectation of hearing that 1 was alive ; but he received my letter a few days before he left London. — He was just going Governor of York Fort, in Hudson's Bay, from whence he never returned. He bailed before I landed in England, or he had purposed to take me with him; but God designing otherwise, one hindrance or other delayed us in Ireland until it was too late. I received two or three affection- ate letters from him, but I never had the pleasure of seeing him more. I had hopes, that in three years more, I should Jiave had an opportunity of asking his forgive- ness for the uneasiness my disobedience had given him : but the ship that was to have brought him home, eame without him. According to the best accounts we received, he was seized fritfe the cramp «bea bathing, and drowned, a little l>e- !ier arrival in the bay. Excuse this digression. REV. J. NEWTON. 83 My father willing to contribute all in his power to my satisfaction, paid a visit be- i'orcfchis departure to my friends in Kent, and gave his consent to the union, which, had been s<; long talked of. Thus when I returned to , I found I had only the consent of one person to obtain ; with her I as yet stood at as great an uncertainty as on the first day 1 saw her. I arrived at — the latfer end of May 1748, about the same day that my father sailed from the Nore ; but found the L rd had provided me another father in the gen- tleman whose ship had brought me home. lie received roe with -nrss\ and the strongest expressions of friendship mi4 assistance; yet no monj than be has since made eopd: fior to bim, as the m of God's good:. • mv all. Wt it would not have been III the p cf this friend to have served me ciiVeiually if the Lord had not met wi. way Till ihejj 1 liki ' legion.— No argumcntti i i J 1 1 • - - ird ti> t'.u- fut it .\ l v. y in . diataly ofl but, upon roatui it t • :.!. I h id '• I :lit 1 li id I MEMOIRS OF THE insight and experience in business, before I ventured to undertake such a charge. The mate of the vessel I came home in was pre- ferred to the command of a new ship, and I engaged togointhestation of mate with him. I made a short visit to London, &c. which did not fully answer my views. I had but one opportunity of seeing Mrs. N*****, of which I availed myself very little ; for I vras always exceeding aukward in pleading my own cause viva voce. But after my Teturn toL , I put the question in such a manner, by letter, that she could not avoid (unless I had greatly mistaken her) coming to some sort of an explanation. Her answer (though penned with abun- dance of caution) satisfied me; as I collect- ed from it, that she was free from any other engagement, and not unwilling to wait the event of tilt voyage I had under- taken. 1 should be ashamed to trouble little details, if you had not yourself desired inc. Jan. 20. 1763. LETTER X. Voyage to Africa. DEAR SIR, •ections with tea* affair! have of- ten led me to think, that the varieties M' REV. J. NEWTON. 85 observable in Christian experience may be properly illustrated from the circumstances of a voyage. Imagine to yourself a num- ber of vessels, at different times, and from different places, bound to the same port ; there are some things in which all these would agree, — the compass steered by, the ,port in view, the general rules of naviga- gation, both as to the management of the vessel and determining their astronomical observations, would be the same in all. In other respects they would differ : 'per- haps no two of them would meet with the same distribution of winds and weather. Some we see set out with a prosperous gale; and when they almost think theft passage secured, they are checked l»; ad- verse blasts ; and, after enduring much hardship ami danger, and frequent expec- tations of shipwreck, they just escape, and reach the desired haven. Others meet the greatest difficulties at first; tin fortli in a storm, and are often I tat< n DftCk 3 at length their voy:i: ■ vourable, rod they euter tin- port with n vxinpoQopict, a rich end abundant eAtra] e, re bird betel with erufsertand ene- mies, and uhligrd to fight their "ay through; others meet frith little remerka« bit in I - . Ii it not thu» in the spiritual l » t « - } All true • Uk by DC rule, and mind the i their polar Mar and tneti sun of righteov tarti end I •" all set Sinn-ward. Thui far they Arc ** 80 MEMOIRS OF THE one body, animated by one spirit; ytt their experience, formed upon tbese com- mon principles, is far from being uniform. The Lord, in his first Call, and his follow- ing dispensation, has a regard to the situa- tion, temper, talents of each, and to the particular services or trials he has appoint- ed them for. Though all are exercised at time^, yet some pass through the voyage of life much more smoothly than others. But he " who walkelh upon the wings of 4£ the wind, and measures the waters in the " hollow of his hand," will not sutler any of whom he has once taken charge, to pe- rish in the storms, though for a season, perhaps, many of them are ready to give up all hopes. We must not therefore make the ex- perience o'f others, in all respects, a rule to ourselves, nor our own a rule to others; yet these are common mist.>' and productive of many more. As to my- self, every part of my ca$i has been extra- ordinary. I have hardly met a single in* . e resembling it. Few, very few, have recovered from such a dreadful slate ; ami the few that have been thus favoured, have generally passed through the most se- lections; and after the Lord has i them peace, their future lives have ri usually mure zealous, bright, and ex- emplary, than common* Now, as on the I, my convictions were \cvy mode- derate, aid far below what might have b<*on expected from th<* dreadful review I '.o make ; so, on the other, my first tlEV. J. NEWTON. 8? beginnings in a religious course were as faint as can well be imagined. I r.ever knew that season alluded to, Jer. ii. 2. Rev. ii. 4. usually called the time of the first love. Who would not expect to hear, that after such a wonderful unhoped-for deliverance as I had received, and alter rny eyes were in some measure enlightened to see things aright, I should immediately cleave, to the Lord and his ways, with full purpose of heart, and consult no more with flesh and blood ? But, alas ! it was far otherwise with me. 1 had learned to pray ; I set some value upon the word of God) and was' no longer a libertine: but my soul still cleaved to the dust. Soon .-iftov" my departure from L- , I began 1" in- termit, and grow slack in waiting upon the Lord; I grew vain and trifling in my versation ; and though my heart smote me often, yet my armour vtai gone, and I de- clined fait ; and by the time I arrived it Guinea, I seemed t<> bare forgot ill Lord's mercies, and my o\\ and w.'vs i profum nc^ , '."> ptt&d UUMJSt OS bad as before. Theeneim pre p a r ed n train of temptations, and I became his |>i'-y ; ;md, for about .i nonth, he lulled me asleep in a course" of i i, i few months before, 1 ,-ould n 1 posed myaelf any longer capable, Hoif much propriety U ther in the apoetle'i ad- vur, w | | , need, Leaf q be u bardem ii - '" ( K who can be iu their guar* I Sm ftn r 88 MEMOIRS OF THE it hardens. I was now fast bound in chains ; I had little desire, and no power at all, to recover myself. I could not but at times reflect how it was with me; but if I at- tempted to struggle with it, it was in vain. I was just like Samson, when he said, " I " will go forth, and shake myself as at " other times ;" but the Lord was depart- ed, and he found himself helpless, in the hands of his enemies. By the remembrance of this interval, the Lord has often in- structed me since, what a poor creature I am in myself, incapable of standing a single hour, without continual fresh sup- plies of strength and grace from the foun- tain-head. At length the Lord, whose mercies are infinite, Interposed in my behalf. My business in this voyage, while upon the Coast, was to sail from place to place in the long-boat to purchase slaves. The ship was at Sierra Leon, and I then at the Plantanes, the scene of my former captivi- ty, where every thing 1 saw might seem to remind me of my ingratitude. I was in easy circumstances, courted by those who formerly despised me: the lime-trees 1 had planted were growing tall, ami promised fruit the following ; t which time I bad expectations of returning with a ship of my own. But none of these things affected me, till, as I have said, the Lord again interposed to save me. He J me with a violent fever, which broke the fatal chain, ami once more hroi, ine to myself, But, o jrbiat a prospect REV. J. NEWTON. 80 thought myself now summoned away, My past dangers and deliverances, my earnest prayers In the time of trouble, my solemn vows before the Lord at his table, and my ungrateful returns for all his good- ness, were all present to my mind at once. Then I began to wish, that the Lord had suffered me to sink in the ocean when I first besought his mercy. For a little while I concluded the door of hope to be quite short ; but this continued not long. Weak, and almost delirious, I arose from my bed, and crept to a retired part of the island ; and here 1 found a renewed liberty toyray. I durst make no more res;! but cast mysclt before the Lord, to do with me as be should p lease. I do not remem- ber that any particular text, or remaikable discovery, wa3 presented to my mi ml ; but 1 enabled to hope and be- iu a crucified Saviour. The burden was removed from my eoill only jny p«'ac c, but my Remit 1 cannot say in !y ; but I | vered fn m thai bom- 1 ti , that when l returne i to l t»TW I on board. And from I have be in <■« lii dominion of sin ; ill • ami eonfUett of sin dwelling In me, i ^tiii * r gi- burdened." I now I I i 1 1 ind though I'm lv wandered from hltn ^mcf, •sL.n, tlat1 Khali I be more wiw ?) >< rtrfal 90 MEMOIRS OF THE grace has hitherto preserved me from such black declensions as this I have last record- ed ; and I humbly trust in his mercy and promises, that he will be my guide and £uard to the end. My leisure hours in this voyage were chiefly employed in learning the Latin language, which I had now entirely forgot. This desire took place from an imitation I had seen of one of Horace's odes in a maga- zine. I began the attempt under the great- est disadvantages possible ; for I pitched upon a poet, perhaps, the most difficult of the poets, even Horace himself, for my lirst book. I had picked up an old English translation of him, which, with Castaliu's Latin Bible, were all my helps. I forgot a Dictionary ; but I would not therefore give up my purpose. 1 had the edition in usum Dclphini ; and by comparing the Odes with the interpretation, and tracing the words, I could understand from one place to another, by the index, with the assistance 1 could get from the Latin Bi- ble: in this way, by dint of hard industry, often waking when I might have slept, 1 made some progress before I returned, and not only understood the sense ami meaning c( many Odes, ami some of the ISpitt but began to relish the beauties of the com- position, and acquired a spice of what Mr. Law calls classical cnthusici-un. And, in- deed, by this means, I bad Horace more ad cnguem than some who arc n the Latin tongue ; for my help* that I generally had t. [ )ivd REV. J. NEWTON, 91 in my memory, before I could fully under- stand its meaning. My business in the long-boat, during eight months we were upon the Coast, ex" posed me to innumerable dangers and pe- rils, from burning suns and chilling dews, winds, rains, and thunder-storms, in the open boat ; and on shore, from long jour- nies through the woods, and the temper of the natives, who are in many places cruel, treacherous, and watching opportunities for mischief. Several boats in the same time were cut off, several white men poi- soned, and in my own boat, I buried six or seven people with fevers. When going on shore, or returning from it, in their little canoes, I have been more than once or tuice overset by the violence of the surf, or breach of the sea, and brought to land half-dead (fori could not swim). An ac- count of such escapes as I still remem! .. r, WOUW swell to several sheets, and many • | I ihall 0*1* instance! as a specimen of that wonderful providence which me for food, an I . ubt not i will think wprthj oi m When ll( l we .the only remaining Mrvice l had feu perform in it, WaatO ittitt in In i; and water from th ihore, we w< in the cure n.v |o ,,.,.„ on board in ms .,,j_ 92 MEMOIRS OF THE win J. Several of these little voyages I had made ; but the boat was grown old, and almost unfit for use. This service likewise was almost completed. One day having dined-on board, 1 was preparing 1 to return to the river as formerly : I had taken leave of the captain, received his orders, was ready in the boat, ant! just going to put off, as we term it; that is, to let go our ropes, and sail from the ship. In that instant the captain came up from the cabin, and called me on board again. 1 went, expecting further orders ; but he said, he had took it in his head (as he phrased it), that I sljouM remain that day in the ship; and accordingly ordered another man to go in my room. I was surprised at this, as the boat had never been sent away without me before, and asked him the reason : he could give me no reason but as above, that si he would have it. Accordingly thc^boat went v. ithout me ; but returned ne more: she .r.ik -.hat night in the river, and the person who had supplied was drowned. I was much struck when we re- ceived news of the event the next morn- ing. — The captain himself, though quite a Strang* r to religion, so far as to deny a particular providence, could not help being affected; but he declared, that be had no other reason for countennandin : me at that time, but that it came suddenly into his mind to detain in;*. 1 wonder I omitted this in my eight letters, as I have always thought it one of the most extraordinary circumstances of my life, Jan. 21, 1763. lam, &c. fcEV. J. NEWTON. 03 LETTER XI. Voyage to Antigua*- Return to England \ and Marriage. DEAR SIR, a few days after I was thus wonderfully "• saved from an unforeseen danger, we sailed for Antigua, and from thence pro- ceeded to Charlestown in South Carolina. In this place there arc many serious peo- ple ; hut I knew not where to find them ' out: indeed I was not aware of a difference^ but supposed that all who attended public worship were good Christians. I was as much in the dark about preaching, not doubting but what* VOX caim- tYoin the pul- pit must be very good* 1 had two or three opportunities of hewing a diitenUnj; mi- nister, named Smith, who, by w li:it 1 have known since, I belive to hi <-\- cellc.it : 1 1 1 < 1 powerful pretchfr ol oer i!i H Jtrw iv me, but 1 did not rightly understand him. tint nun can ■peak an- Ineffectual t:ii txp] applied iy the Spirit of Oodj who .-lone can open tin- heart* I '. barn no more 1 li M I i my o\mi < duel was now | istent. — Almost «'■ permit, 1 mad to retire hit and §4 MEMOIRS OF THE fields (for these, when at hand, have al- ways been my favourite oratories), and I trust I began to taste the sweets of com- munion with God in the exercises of prayer and praise ; and yet I frequently spent the evenings in vain and worthless company. Indeed my relish for worldly diversions was much weakened, and I was rather a spectator than a sharer in their pleasures ; but I did not as yet see the necessity of an absolute forbearance. Yet as my compli- ance with custom and company was chiefly owing to want of light, rather than to ail obstinate attachment, and the Lord was pleased to preserve me from what I knew was sinful, I had for the most part peace of conscience, and my strongest desires were towards the things of God. As yet I knew not the force of that precept, " Ab- 4< stain from all appearance of evil ;" — but very often ventured upon the brink of temptation ; but the Lord was gracious to my weakness, and would not suffer the enemy to prevail against me. I did not break with the world at once (as might in my case have been expected), but 1 gradually led to see the incomenienee and folly of one thing after another ; and when I saw it, the Lord strengthened me to give it up. But it \. un Before I set quite at liberty from occasional compli- ances in many things, in which at this time I durst by no means allow myself. We finished our v. >_\ ;•.-<•, ;uul arrived in L . When the ship' S affair* wl-iv settled, 1 went to London; aju) from thence (as you REV. J. NEWTON, 95 may suppose) I soon repaired to Kent. More than seven years were now elapsed since my first visit. No views of the kind could seem more chimerical, or could sub- sist under greater discouragements than mine had done ; yet, through the over- ruling goodness of God, while I seemed abandoned to myself, and blindly following my own headstrong passions, I was guided by a hand that I knew not, to the accom- plishment of my wishes. Every obstacle was now removed. I had renounced my former follies, my interest was established, and friends on all sides consenting; the point was now entirely between ourselves \ and, after what had passed, was easily con- cluded. Accordingly our hands were Joined on the 1st of Febi titry 1750. The satisfaction 1 have found in this union, you will suppose, has been greatly heightened by reflection on the former dis- ■ able contrasts 1 1 througtt, ami the ritWI 1 ha\c had of the singular mercy and providence of the Lord in h: iiig it to pass. H yon •letfO to lo..k ' to the beginning ofmy lUth letter, (p. 51.), 1 doubt i persons ! I the iniflery or happiness of which hninan life i in tderea In ItieU li capable. 1 1 n Ih I M i time of life when l pai so huh- etpeble of Judging (bat •» few month* d then hero ti\. ■! • nrltb no nturii, Off where success would been the hunicst disappointment. The 96 MEMOIRS Ot THE long delay I met with was likewise a mercy ; for had I succeeded a year or two sooner, before the Lord was pleased to change my heart, we must have been mu- tually unhappy, even as to the present life. " Surely mercy and goodness have followed " me all my days." But, alas ! I soon began to feel that my heart was still hard ana ungrateful to the God of my life. This crowning mercy, which raised me to all I could ask or wish in a temporal view, and which ought to have been an animating motive to obedi- ence and praise, had a contrary effect. — I rested in the gift, and forgot the giver. My poor narrow heart was satisfied. — A cold and careless frame, as to spiritual things, took place, and gained ground daily. Happy for me the season was ad- vancing, and in June I received orders to repair to L . This roused me from my dream ; I need not tell you that I found the pains of absence and separation fully pro- portioned to my preceding pleasure. It was hard, very hard to part, especially as consci- ence interfered, and suggested to me how little I deserved that we should be spared to meet again. — But the Lord supported me. 1 \sas a poor, faint, idolatrous creature; bi:t 1 had now some acquaintance with the way of access to a throne of grace by the blood of Jesus ; and peace was soon re- stored to my conscience. Yet through all the following voyage my irregular affections were as thorns in my .'] often made my other blessings HEV. J. NEWTON. $T tasteless and insipid. But he who doth all things well, over-ruled this likewise for good. It became an occasion of quicken- ing me in prayer both for her and myself; it increased my indifference for company and amusement ; it habituated me to a kind of voluntary self-denial, which I was after- wards taught to improve to a better pur- pose. While I remained in England, we cor- responded every post ; and all the while I used the sea afterwards, I constantly kept up the practice of writing two or three times a week (if weather and business permitted), though no conveyance home- ward offered for six or eight months to- gether. My packets were usually heavy ; and as not one of them at any time mis- carried, I have to the amount of near 200 sheets of paper now lying in my bureau of that correspondence. I mention this little relief I contrived to soften the intervals of absence, because it had a good effect be- yond my first intention. It habituated me ti> think and write upon a great variety o£ subjects ; and I acquired, insensibly, a frcater readme-, lag myself than should have otherwise attained. As I rained more ground in religious know- ••, my letter, bsonOM BOM t page, and laid down a rule, which 1 seldi in tit parted from, not to pro- ceed to a second period till 1 understood the first, and so on. 1 was often at a stand, but seldom discouraged : here and there 1 found a few lines quite obstinate, and was forced to break in upon my rule, REV. J. NEWTON. 99 and give them up, especially as my edition had only the text, without any notes to assist me. But there were not many such ; for before the close of that voyage, I could (with a few exceptions) read Livy from end to end, almost as readily as an English au- thor; and I found, in surmounting this difficulty, I had surmounted all in one. Other prose authors, when they came in my way, cost me little trouble. In short, in the space of two or three voyages, I be- came tolerably acquainted with the best classics (1 put all I have to say upon this subject together) ; I read Terence, Virgil, and several pieces of Cicero, and the mo- dern classies, Buchanan, Erasmus, and Cassimir. At length I conceived a de- sign of becoming Ciceronian myself, and thought it would he a fine thing indeed to write pure and elegant Latin. I made swiii.- estayq towards it, and by this time tin- L rd wai i leased to draw me w aret to bimtelf, and to gtof me a feller \i< w of the " pearl of | " tin- inestimable treasure bid In I is Reld of she holj Scrip- ture ; :md lor the sake oi this, I a i Willing to pari with all my new-inquired I Derail t<. think (hat life wis t > short (t ipeciaUj nrj life] t » admit lore for mob elaborate trilling. Neither. Jk>( t ii a historian i ould t • - ; I n . , t word of r tsns, [!hc CMSSi I and .»t i. ngt h quit l bave not looked into Livy these iiu- 100 MEMOIRS OF THE suppose I could not now well understand him. Some passages in Horace and Virgil I still admire ; but they seldom come in my way. — I prefer Buchanan's Psalms to a whole shelf of Elzevirs. But this much I have gained, and more than this I am not solicitous about, so much of the Latin as enables me to read any useful or curious book that is published in that language.— About the same time, and for the same reason that I quarrelled with Livy, I laid aside the mathematics. — I found they not only cost me much time, but engrossed my thoughts too far; my head was literally full of schemes. I was weary of cold con- templative truths, which can neither warm nor amend the heart, but rather tend to aggrandize self. I found no traces of this wisdom in the life of Jesus, or the writings of Paul. I do not regret that I have had some opportunities of knowing the first principles of these things ; but I see much cause to praise the Lord that he inclined me to stop in time; and, whilst I was *' spending my labours for that which is " not bread," was pleased to set before me " wine and milk without money, and, " without price." My first voyage was fourteen months, through various scenes of danger and ditli- oulty, but nothing very remarkable; and, Al 1 intend to be more particular with re- gard to the second, I shall only say, that I was preserved from every harm; and having seen many fall on my right hand, and on my left, 1 was brought home in peace, and REV. J. NEWTON. 101 restored to where my thoughts had been often directed, November 2, 1751. Jan, 22, 1763. I am, &c. LETTER XII. Another Voyage to Africa. DEAR SIR, T almost wish I could recal my last sheet, ■*• and retract my promise. 1 fear I have engaged too far, and shall prove a mere F t gotist. What have I more then can de- serve your notice ? However, it is some sa- tisfaction that I am now writing to yourself only; and, 1 believe, you will have candour to excuse what nothing but a sense of your kindness could extort from me. Soon aft< r (he period whore my last I, that is in the interval between my ccond voyage after in v man i an to keep a sort of diary ; a pra. which 1 have since (bund i l had in this Interval repeated proofi of the Ingratitude and evil of my heart. A II , in tin: mkUt of my friende, and full satisfaction i quicken and confirm the life of faith, whit h, in a good measure, supply to a re- ligious sailor the want of those advantages which can be enjoyed only upon the shore. And, indeed, though my knowledge of spiritual things, as knowledge is usually estimated, was at this time very small ; vut 1 tometimOl look back with regret upon those scenes. I never knew sweeter Of more frequent hours of divine commu- nion, than in my two last voy:i:;» | to Gui- nea, uli< ii 1 w t-i either i uded from society on shipboard, or when on shore Amongst the natives, i bare m dtred through the iroodi reflecting on the uUr goodneti «»i the Lord to mo, m i place uhcrr, perhaps, then' was not ■ per- bat knew l,ini for some thousand milai round me. Many a time, upon thttl the i.' utiitul lines lull <.! bUtphtmy and madness uh.-u addressed to a creatine, but lull of < 104 MEMOIRS OF THE fort and propriety in the mouth of a be- liever. Sic ego desertis possim bene vivere sglvis, Quo nulla humane sit via tritapede : Tu mihi curarum requies, in node vel atra JLumcniy et in solis tu mihi turba locis. Paraphrased. In desert woods, with thee, my God, Where human footsteps never trod, How happy could I be ! Thou my repose from care, my light Amidst the darkness of the night, In solitude my company. In the course of this voyage I was won* derf'ully preserved in the midst of many obvious and many unforeseen dangers. At one time there was a conspiracy amount my own people to turn pirate*, and take the ship from me. When the plot was nearly ripe, and they waited only a conve- nient opportunity, two of those concerned in it were taken ill one day ; one of them died, and he was the only person I buried while on board. This suspended the affair, and opened a way to its discovery, or the consequence might have been fatal. The slave* on board were likewise frequently plotting insurrections, ami wore sometimes upon the very brink t/ mischief: bat il always disclosed in due time. When 1 have thought myself i n sud- denly alarmed with danger ; and when I k.vve almost despair J of lit"-, ?.- iu REV. J. NEWTON. 105 liverance has been vouchsafed me. My stay upon the Coast was long, the trade very precarious ; and, in the pursuit of my bu- siness, both on board and on shore, 1 was in deaths often. Let the following instance serve as a specimen. I was at a place called Mana, near Cape Mount, where I had transacted very large concerns ; and had, at the time I am speak- ing of, some debts and accounts to settle, which required my attendance On shore, and I intended to go as the next morning. When I arose, I left the ship, according to my purpose ; but when I came near the shore, the surf, or breach of the sea, ran so high, that I was almost afraid to attempt landing. Indeed I had often ventured at ;i worse time ; but I felt an inward hind- rance and backwardness, which I could not account for: the surf furnished a pre- text for indulging it; and after Wilting and hesitating for about half an hour, 1 n ■- turned to the ship, without doing my bu- siness; which I think I never did, but that morning, in all the time I used that t; But I soon perceived the reason of all this : It seems, the day before 1 in;. ed to lend, a scandalous and groundless ,'• had been laid against me b) * instigation I could never learn), which greatly threatened my honour ami interest. Both in Africa and England, and would perhaps, human! mv life, ii I bad landed according to mv intention, i shall, | - :.-« a let- ter, which will give a lull account of this rfl i66 MEMOIRS OF THE strange adventure ; and therefore shall say ho more of it here, any further than to tell you, that an attempt, aimed to destroy either my life or character, and which might very probably, in its consequences, have ruined my voyage, passed off without the least inconvenience. The person most concernedowedmeaboutahundred pounds, Which he sent me In a huff; and otherwise, perhaps, would not have paid me at all. 1 ■was very uneasy for a few hours, but was soon afterwards comforted. I heard no more of my accusation till the next voyage ; and then it was publicly acknowledged to be a malicious calumny, without the least shadow of a ground. Such were the vicissitudes and difficulties through which the Lord preserved me. Now and then both faith and patience were sharply exercised ; but suitable strength was given ; and as those things did not oc- cur every day, the study of the Latin, of which I gave a general account in my last, was renewed, and carried on from time to time when business would permit. I was mostly very regular in the management of my time ; I allotted eight hours for sleep and meals, eight hours for exercise and devotion, and eight hours to my books ; and thus, by diversifying my engagements, the whole day was agreeably filled up ; and I seldom found a day too long, or an hour to spare. My studies kept me employed | and so far it was well ; otherwise they were hardly worth the time they cost, as they ted me to an admiration of false models REV. J. NEWTON. 10T and false maxims ; an almost unavoidable consequence (1 suppose) of an admiration of classic authors. Abating what I have attained of the language, I think I might have read Cassandra or Cleopatra to as good purpose as 1 read Livy, whom I now ac- count an equal romancer, though in a dif» ferent way. From the Coast I went to St. Christo- pher's ; and here my idolatrous heart was its own punishment. The letters I expect- ed from Mrs. N***** were by mistake forwarded to Antigua, which had been at first proposed as our port. As I was cer- tain of her punctuality in writing, if alive, 1 concluded, by not hearing from her, that she was surely dead. This fear affected me more and more; 1 lost my appetite and rest ; J felt an incessant pain in my stomach ; and in about three weeks time, I was m ar sinking under the weight of an imaginary stroke. I felt some severe symptoms of that mixture of pride and inadm ss which || commonly called a broken In art ; and indeed I wonder that this case is not more comntan (ban it ippean to be. How do the pi'tsherdg of the firth pi Contend with their M .1 what a wonder of mercy is it ire nut all broken ! However, my complaint was not allm •ilaithlulucss to God had ,; , p, < ipeeiaJh ing of spiritual things, Which I eould i. ly attempt r. It wasthi ' that I had lost invaluable, LfTtjCOTCr&bif 108 MEMOIRS OF THE opportunities, which both duty and affec- tion should have engaged me to improve, that chiefly stung me ; and I thought I •would have given the world to know she was living, that I might at least discharge my engagements by writing, though I was never to see her again. This was a sharp lesson ; but I hope it did me good ; and when I had thus suffered some weeks, I thought of sending a small vessel to Anti- gua. I did so ; and she brought me several packets ; which restored my health and peace, and gave me a strong contrast of the Lord's goodness to me, and my unbe- lief and ingratitude towards him. In August 1753, I returned to L My stay was very short at home that voy- age, only six weeks, in that space nothing very memorable occurred ; I shall there- fore begin my next with an account of my third and last voyage. And thus I give both you and myself hopes of a speedy pe- riod to these Memoirs, which begin, to be tedious and minute even to myself; only I am animated by the thought, that 1 write at your request ; and have therefore an op- portunity of shewing myself, &c. Jan. 31, 1763. REV. J. NEWTON, 109 LETTER XIII. Last Voyage to Jfrica> fyc. DEAR SIR, tity third voyage was shorter and less per- !■**• plexed than either of the former. Be- fore I sailed, I met with a young man who had formerly been a midshipman, and my intimate companion on board the Harwich. He was, at the time I first knew him, a sober youth ; but I found too much success in my unhappy attempts to infect him with libertine principles. When we met at J. — , our acquaintance renewed upon the ground of our former intimacy . He had good sense, and had read many books. — Our conversa- lion frequently turned upon religion ; and 1 was very desirous to repair the niisrl.u 1 1 had done him. I gave him a plain ac- count of the manner and peasou of my change, and used every argument to p i- suade him to relinquish bit infide) and when I ion* I lose, that be bad no other reply t«> make, Mould remind me, that I v, person uii<> bad | iVen aim in Ids i • liberty i bi i casi ned me many mourn- ful i He wai then gi to (.nine. i bimself} but i» | ready, bj» mci uj»t, >\i»iei» lUHImeertad in-, voyage. \ n i farther eapectatlons for I i iou, 110 MEMOIRS or THE that he might gain a knowledge of the fjoast ; and the gentlemen who employed me promised to provide for him upon Lis return. M) view in this was not so much to serve him in his business, as to have an opportunity of debuting the point with him at leisure ; and 1 hoped, in the course of lny voyage, my arguments, example, and {•>rayers, might have some good effect on lira. My intention in this step was better than my judgment ; and I had frequent reason to repent it. He was exceedingly piofa'ne, and grew worse and worse. I saw in him a most lively picture of what I had once been ; but it was very inconvenient to have it always before my eyes. Besides, he was not only deaf to my remonstrances himself, but laboured all he could to coun- teract my influence upon others. His spi- rit and passions were likewise exceeding high ; so that it required all my prudence and authority to hold him in any degree of restraint. He was a sharp thorn in my side for some time ; but at length I had an opportunity upon the Coast of buying a small vessel, which I supplied with a cargo from my own, and gave him the command, and sent him away to trade on the ship's account. When we parted, I repeated and enforced my best advice. I believe his friendship and regard was as great as could be expected, where principles wen s;> dia- metrically opposite. He fce em e d greatly affected when I left him; but my words had no weight with him : when he I JwmselfaJ liberty from under my eye, he REV. J. NEWTON, 111 gave a hasty loose to every appetite ; and his violent irregularities, joined to the heat of the climate, soon threw him into a ma- lignant fever, which carried him off in a few days. He died convinced, but not changed. The account I had from those who were with him was dreadful. His rage and despair struck them all with hor- ror ; and he pronounced his own fatal doom hefore he expired, without any ap* pearance that he either hoped or asked lor mercy. I thought this awful contrast might not be improper to give you, as a stronger view of the distinguishing goodness of God to me the chief of sinners. I left the Coast in about four months, and sailed for St. Christopher's. Hitherto I had enjoyed a perfect state of health, equally in every climate, for several years ; but upon this passage 1 was vi- sited with a fever, which gave me a very near prospect of eternity. I have obtained liberty to enclose you three or four letters, which will more c'earlv illustrate the state and measure of my experience at difit times, than any thip I I it present. One of them, you will find, was wrote .it thil i eriod, wh< n 1 could hardly bold a pent and had some reason to believe I should write no more, I bad not that »x*if»pofia # , which it so desirable iX a time when flesh and heart fails ; but im hopes w< rs greater than my foal* | and 1 fell i |U< lit «... rure of spirit, which enabled dm to wail * Full Msuranct. 112 MEMOIRS OF THE the event without much anxiety. My trust, though weak in degree, was alone fixed upon the blood and righteousness of Jesus; and those words, " He is able to save to the uttermost," gave me great relief. — I was for awhile troubled with a very singular thought ; whether it was a temptation, or that the fever disordered my faculties, I cannot say ; but seemed not so much afraid of wrath and punishment, as of being lost and overlooked amidst the myriads that are continually entering the unseen world. What is my soul, thought I, amongst such an innumerable multitude of beings ? And this troubled me greatly. Perhaps the Lord will take no notice of me. I was per- plexed thus for some time ; but at last a text of Scripture, very opposite to the case, occurred to my ra-ind, and put an end to the doubt : "The Lord knoweth them " that are .his." In about ten days, be- yond the hopes of those about me, I began to amend ; and by the time of our arrival in the West Indies, I was perfectly reco- vered. 1 hope this visitation was made useful to mflu Thus far, that is, for about the space of six years, the Lord was pleased to lead ine in a secret way. 1 had learned some- thing of the evil of my heart ; I had read the Bible over and over, with several good books, and had a general view of the gos- pel-truths : but my conceptions were, in many respects, confused, not having in all this time met with one acquaintance who could assist my inquiries. But upon my REV. J. NEWTON. 111 arrival at St. Christopher's this voyage, 1 found a captain of a ship from London, whose conversation was greatly helpful to me. He was and is a member of Mr. B r's church, a man of experience in the things of God, and of a lively commu- nicative turn. We discovered each other by some casual expressions in mixed com- pany, and soon became, so far as- business would permit, inseparable. For near a month we spent every evening together on board each other's ship alternately, and often prolonged our visits till towards day- break. I was all ears ; and what was bet- ter, he not only informed my understand- ing, but his discourse inflamed my heart. lie encouraged me to open my mouth in social prayer; he taught me the advan- tage of Christian converse ; he put me upon qapt to make my profession more public, and to venture to speak for ilri\. Prom him, or rather from the Lord by his means, l received in rnerease of know- uer and I angeliral ; and I d from i i. i v. \ b bad long troubled me, the : elapsing into my Corn 1 >n t now I began to understand tin nty of i , and to ex- dj not iu my own pout r ami holiness, bul by the mighty power end promise of God, through loth In sn nu- ll likewise : i , with [jlbingi to whist) l had been intl 114 MEMOIRS OF THE stranger, and finally directed me where te apply in London lor further instruction. With those new-acquired advantages, I left him ; and my passage homewards gave me leisure to digest what I had received. I had much comfort and freedom during those seven weeks, and my sun was seldom clouded. I arrived safe in L August 1754, My stay at home was intended to be but short ; and by the beginning of November I was again ready for the sea: but the Lord saw fit to over-rule my design. Du- ring the time I was engaged in the slave- trade, I never had the least scruple as to its lawfulness. I was upon the whole sa- tisfied with it, as the appointment Provi- dence had marked out for me ; yet it was, in many respects, far'from eligible. It is indeed accounted a genteel employment, and is usually very profitable, though to me it did not prove so, the Lord seeing that a large increase of wealth would not be good for me. However, I considered my- self as a sort of gaoler or turnkey, and I was sometimes shocked with fin employ- ment, that was perpetually conversant with chains, bolts, and shackles. In this view I had often petitioned in my prayers, that the Lord in his own time would be | t<> fix me in a more humane calling, and, it' it might he, place me when' 1 might have more frequent converse with his people and ordinances, and he freed from tnOM rationi from home which very oflefl \\< re bard to bear. My prayers were now an- REV. J. NEWTON. 115 swered, though in a way I little expected. * I now experienced another sudden unfore- seen change of life. I was within two days of sailing, and to all appeararce in good health as usual ; hut in the afternoon as I was sitting with Mrs. N****», hy ourselves, drinking tea, and talking overpast events, I was in a moment seized with a fit, which deprived me of sense and motion, and left me no other sign of life than that of breath- ing. — I suppose it was of the apoplectic kind: it lasted ahout an hour: and when I recovered, it left a pain and dizziness in my head, which continued with such symp- toms as induced the physicians to judge it would not be safe or prudent for me to pro- ceed on the voyage. Accordingly, by the advice of my friend to whom the ship he- longed, I resigned the command the day before she sailed ; and thus I was unex- pectedly called from that service, and freed iron a share of the future consequcncei of that voyage, which proved r\tnintiy eala- mit-' llton who went in niv room, mo t oftbf officers, and in. my ..I they the directions I had received from my ■*^ friend at St. Kitt's, I soon found out a religious acquaintance in London. I first applied to Mr. B , and chiefly attended upon his ministry when in town. From him I received many helps, both in public and private ; for he was pleased to favour me with his friendship from the first. His kindness, and the intimacy between us, has continued and increased to this day ; and of all my many friends, I am most deeply indebted to him. The late Mr. H d was my second acquaintance, a man of a choice spirit, and an abundant zeal for the Lord's service. I enjoyed his correspondence till near the time of his death. Soon after, upon Mr. W d's return from America, my two good flitndl introduced me to him ; ind though I had little personal acquaintance with him till al'lerwanU, his mini try was eXOOedSng useful to nil'. I had UJcowi some religious society s, ;im! became known to many excellent ( brijtUuil in private life. Thus, when at London, 1 lived >t lhfl fountain-!,' .id, M it ut r<\ for II advantages. When 1 was in Kftirl it w.i* • , y\ I found tl"Te: but the J'.ne \ arii'gateu 118 MEMOIRS OF THE woodland country afforded me advantages of another kind. Most of my time, at least some hours every day, I passed in re- tirement, when the weather was fair ; sometimesinthe thickest woods, sometimes on the highest hills, where almost every step varied the prospect. It has been my cus- tom, for many years, to perform my devo- tional exercises sub die, when I have op- portunity ; and 1 always find these rural scenes have some tendency both to refresh and to compose my spirits. A beautiful diversified prospect gladdens my heart. When 1 am withdrawn from the noise and petty works of men, 1 consider myself as in the great temple which the Lord has built for his own honour. The country between Rochester and Maidstone, bordering upon tne Mt dway, was well suited to the turn of my mind ; and was I to go over it now, I could point to many a place where I remember to have either earnestly sought, or happily found the Lord's comfortable presenee with my soul. And thus I lived, sometimes at Lon- don, and sometimes in the country, till the autumn of the following year. All this while 1 had two trials more or less upon my mind : the first and principal was Mrs. N***»*'s illness; she still grew worse, and 1 had daily more reason to fear that the hour of reparation was at hand. When faith was in exercise, 1 was in -oine measure resigned to the Lord's will ; luit too often my heart n belled, and 1 found it hard either to Uust or to submit, J had REV. J. NEWTON. 119 likewise come care about my future settle- ments : the African trade was overdone that year, and my friends did not care to lit out another ship till mine returned. I was some time in suspense ; but indeed a provision of food and raiment has seldom been a cause of great solicitude to me. I found it easier to trust the Lord in this point than in the former; and accordingly this was first answered. In August I n - ceived an account, that I was nominated to the office of . These places are usually obtained, or at least sought, by dint of much interest and amplication ; but this came to me unsought and unex- pected. I knew- indeed, my good friend in L had endeavoured to procure ano- ther post for me, but found it pre* engaged. 1 found afterwards, that the place 1 had rotated would have been vew unsuitable for me ; and that this, whicn 1 bad no thought of, was the very thing I could ha\c wished, as it afforded me much leisure, and tbe liberty of living In n.y own u.-v. byotberti nrred to shew put, tint tbe good Land oi tbe Lord wai at remaj kabh concerned in tin, » witt, aainanj other leading tarn of my I ill-. i.ut v. inn 1 galoed tbii point, n treti in tin- other a u doubled i l v?at ab- lig< d tp 1< ."•" in tbe greateat . d illnc .. mm n tbe phj 'ii bad no uiil ol bope t'i.\t i ajivt. but tliib, — iliiit noil aoatl> 120 MEMOIRS OF THE ble with the Lonl. I had a severe conflict ; but faith prevailed : I found the promise remarkably fulfilled, of strength proporti- oned to my need. The day before I set out, and not till then, the burden was en- tirely taken from my mind ; I was strength- ened to resign both her and myself to the Lord's disposal, and departed from her in a cheerful frame. Soon after 1 was gone, she began to amend, and recovered so fast, that in about two months I had the plea- sure to meet her at Stone, on her journey And now I think I have answered, if not exceeded your desire. Since October 1755, we have been comfortably settled here : and all my ciieumstances have been as remarkably smooth and uniform, as they were various in former years. My trials have been light and few ; — not but that I still find, in the experience of every day, the necessity of a life of faith. My princi- pal trial is — the body of sin and death, which makes me often to sigh out the Apostle's complaint, " O wretched man !" but -with him likewise I can say, " 1 thank " God, through Jesus Christ my Lord." I live in a barren land, where the know- ledge and power of the gospel is very low : yet here are a few of the Lord's people ; and this wilderness has been a useful school to me, where I have studied more leisure- ly the truths I gathered up in London. I brought down with me a considerable oi notional truth : but I have since found, that there is no effectual teacher but Gud ; < KEV. J. NEWTON. 121 that' we can receive no farther than he is pleased to communicate; and that no know- ledge is truly useful to me, but what is made my ownbt experience. Many things 1 thought 1 had learned, would not stand in an hour of temptation, till I had in this way learned them over again. Since the year 1757, 1 have had an increasing ac- quaintance in the* West-riding of Yorkshire, where the Gospel flourishes greatly. This has been a good school to me : 1 have con- versed at large among all parties, without joining any ; and in my attempts to hit the golden mean, I have sometimes been drawn near the different extremes; yet the Lord has enabled me to profit by my mis- takes. In brief, 1 am still a 1< arnir, and the Lord still condescends to teach me. 1 begin at length 1 have attained hut very little : but 1 trust in him to car- ry on his own work in my soul, and by all ilic dispensations of bit greoe andprevi- «'., re.-, to Increa* my knowledge bt blmj end of myself. Whetl house, and found my bneineei would afbrd me mueb Insure time, l coneidereo in wbel manner 1 should iiupi ronton to close with the spostle'i m to know umii.ii," but Jesus Christ, and " him oruelfl< d," I devet< d i.»\ life to the >u <>[ sj.,ntu.;l ! ' bing but ii * m <• to thia nsel is l bave Irom the cleeelcs end methenetlofi o 122 MEMOIRS OF THE first attempt was to learn so much Greek* as would enable me to understand the New Testament and Septuagint : and when I had made some progress this way, 1 en- tered upon the Hebrew the following year ; and two years afterwards, having: surmised some advantages from the S\ riac version, I began with that language. You must siot think that I have attained, or ever aimed at, a critical skill in any of these : 1 had no business with them, but as in re- ference to something else. I never read one classic author in the Greek ; I thought it too late in life to take such a round in this language as I had done in the Latin. I only wanted the signification of scriptural words and phrases ; and for this I thought I might avail myself of Scapula, the Synopsis, and others, who had sustained the drudgery before me. In the Hebrew, I can read the historical bo^ks and psalm-, with tolerable ease ; but in the prophetical and difficult parts, 1 am frequently obliged to have re- course to lexicons, &c. However, I know so much as to be able, with tacfa hel are at hand, to judge tor myself the mean- ing of any passage 1 on to con- sult. Beyond this I do not think of pro- ceeding, if I can find better » m;>!o\ ment ; -for I would rather lie some way useful to others, than die with the reputation oi an eminent linguist. Together with these studies, I have kept up a course of reading of the best wr in divinity that have COOK to my hand, in the Latin and English tongues, and some REV. J. NEWTON. 123 French, (for I picked up the French at- tunes while 1 used the sea). But within these two or three years, 1 have accustom- ed myself chiefly to writing, and have not found time to read many books besides the Scriptures. 1 am the more particular in this account, as my case has been something singular ; for in all my literary attempts, 1 have been obliged to strike out my own path, by the light 1 could acquiie from books, as I baft not had a teacher or assistant since 1 was ten years of age. One word concerning my views to the ministry^ and I have done. 1 have told you, that this was my dear mother's hope concerning me; but her death, and the scenes of life in which I afterwards en- gaged, itemed to etet off the probability! Tin- first deahrei of this sort in my own mind, arose mam \< ars ago, from a reflec- tion on Cil. i 29] 9*. " But they had u heard only, that be which persecuted U8 44 in lime pott, now preacbV d I u which i royed, Ami •• rifled God in me." 1 could not hut with for each ■ pubik opportani tify the riches of divine grace. 1 th 1 w,v n to proclaim that faithful laying, " That Je- 44 iu m' into the world to save i full Of ft m -i !. iblf till ■ d to Hliew uh it the I I was in some hopes, btffcj 124 MEMOIRS OF THE sooner or later, he might call me into this service. I believe it was a distant hope of this that determined me to study the original Scriptures; but it remained an imperfect desire in my own breast, till it was recom- mended to me by some Christian friends. 1 started at the thought when first seriously proposed to me ; but afterwards set apart some weeks to consider the case, to con- sult my friends, and to intreat the Lord's direction. — The judgment of my friends, and many things that occurred, tended to engage me. My first thought was to join the Dissenters, from a presumption that I could not honestly make the required subscriptions ; but Mr. C , in a conver- sation upon these points, moderated my scruples ; and preferring the established church in some other respects, 1 accepted a title from him some months afterward*, and solicited ordination from the lite archbishop of York. I need not tell you I met a refusal, nor what steps 1 took af- terwards to succeed elsewhere. At present I desist from my applications. My desire to serve the Lord is not weakened ; but 1 am not so hasty to push myself forward as I was formerly. It :s sufficient that he knows how to dispose of me, and that he both can and will da what is best. To him I commend myself : I trust that his will and my true interest are inseparable. To his name be glor/ for ever. — And t! elude my story, and presume you will ac- REV. J. NEWTON. 125 knowledge I have been particular enough. I have no more, but to repeat, that I am, &c. Feb. 2, 1763. CONCLUSION. Additions have recently been made to these Memoirs by the late Reverend Richard Cecil, from which it appears, that after some disappointments lelative to the ministry, Mr. Newton was at length or- dained by Dr. Green, bishop of Lincoln, on tin 29th of April 1764, and Immediately undertook the curacy of Qlney, in fogmtmsbtro, tin- near, Moses Brown, having accepted th of Morden , at Blackbeath. He continued at this place nearly sixteen years, and during ultlvated an acquaftotanc •• m It li the pOel Cpwner, who w u then resident in th»* town. I m leaving I Hn< sated by the late Mr. I ton to the rectory of the uuited parUhes . hfan v\ ■: ehurcfa Han , reflections upon t. markabls : " HiaJ the most sbjed and do- " plor ' ; , ihould be taken frwrn : ' the l Sfttlt, on the 41 distam futf "t rV.fi i* i, and " minitti r oi ths parish of thi ■ \ the Art t city in tl • i the fries of God to i M MEMOIRS, &c. " exhibit in himself an astonishing proof " of its invincible efficacy, ig a fact to be " contemplated with wonder and admira- " tion ; but never to be sufficiently esti- " mated." He continued his public la- bours in the church in Lombard Street, till turned of eighty, and on being advised by his friend Mr. Cecil to desist on account of his growing infirmities, he replied, with some appearance of warmth, "What! " shall the old African blasphemer stop " whiic he can speak !" He was however incapable ot continuing his ministry for some time previous to his death, which hap- pened on the 21st of December 1807. — He left the following; Epitaph to be placed on a tablet over the vestry door of his church, which however is inscribed on the north side of the altar. JOHN NEWTON, Clerk, Once an Infidel arrtl Libertine, A Servant of Slaves in Africa ; Was, by the rich Mercy of Our Lo^d and Saviour, 1 JESUS CHRIST, Preserved, restored, pardoned, and appointed to preach the Faith, He had long laboured to destroy, Near sixteen years at Olney, in Bucks^ and twenty-ei^ht Years in this Church. On Feb. 1, 1750, he married Mary, Daughter of the late George Catlett, Of Chatham, Kent. He resigned her to the Lord who gave her, On the 15th of December 1790. "?? I U.C.BERKELEY LIBRARIES C0M32115m