&j>MM^MSSm ^l4 ■ IK ---/r, ^.5%».^'- V.'!^»'f3 >^^ -fr"^ :-•■;» >■■>, Ex Libris Luster R. Kleinknight tTappan %cc ^Sbition OF IRVING'S WORKS I— The Sketch-Book. Two vols. II — Tai.es of a Traveller. Two vols. Ill— WoLFERT's Roost. One vol. IV— Knickerbocker's New York. Two vols. V— BraCebridge Hall. Two vols. VI— The Alhambra. Two vols. VII— Crayon Miscellany. One vol. *** Complete in 12 volumes. TAP PAN ZEE EDITION HISTORY OF NEW YORK FROM THE BEGINNING OF THE WORLD TO THE END OF THE DUTCH DYNASTY THE ONLY AUTHENTIC HISTORY OF THE TIMES THAT EVER HATH BEEN OR EVER WILL BE PUBLISHED DIED RICH KNICKERBOCKER pc toaarbtib bit in buistcr hg, pit tomt met tlnarbcib aan btn bag, THE AUTHOR'S REVISED EDITION VOL. I. NEIV YORK AND LONDON G. P. PUTNAM'S SONS "Cbe 1knicfterbocF?er presa Entered accordingf to Act of Congress, in the year 1865, by GEORGE P. PUTNAM, In the Clerk's Office of the District Court for the Southern District of New York. "Cbe IRnicftcrbocfter press Electrotyped and Printed by G. P. Putnam's Sons CONTENTS. The Author's Apology i Original Advertisements 7 Account of the Author ii ADDRESS to the PUBLIC 25 BOOK I. containing divers ingenious theories and philo- sophic SPECULATIONS CONCERNING THE CREATION AND POPULATION OF THE WORLD, AS CONNECTED WITH THE HISTORY OF NEW YORK. Chap. I. — Description of the World .... 33 Chap. II.— Cosmogony, or Creation of the World ; with a multitude of excellent theories, by which the creation of a world is shown to be no such difficult matter as common folk would imagine, 43 Chap. III. — How that famous navigator, Noah, was shamefully nicknamed ; and how he committed an unpardonable oversight in not having four sons ; with the great trouble of philosophers caused thereby, and the discovery of America . 55 Chap. IV.— Showing the great difficulty philoso- phers have had in peopling America ; and how the aborigines came to be begotten by accident —to the great relief and satisfaction of the Au- thor 64 Contents Chap. V. — In which the Author puts a mij^hty ques- tion to the rout, by the assistance of the Man in the Moon ; which not only delivers thousands of people from great embarrassment, but likewise concludes this introductory book .... 74 BOOK II. TREATING OF THE FIRST SETTLEMENT OF THE PROV- INCE OF NIEtJW NEDERX.ANDTS. Chap. I. — In which are contained divers reasons why a man should not write in a hurry ; also of Master Hendrick Hudson, his discovery of a strange country, and how he was magnifi- cently rewarded by the munificence of their High INIightinesses 96 Chap. II. — Containing an account of a mighty Ark which floated, under the protection of St. Nicho- las, from Holland to Gibbet Island ; the descent of the strange animals therefrom— A great vic- tory, and a description of the ancient village of Communipaw iii Chap. III.— In which is set forth the true art of making a bargain, together with the miraculous escape of a great metropolis in a fog, and the biography of certain heroes of Communipaw . 120 Chap. IV. — How the heroes of Communipaw voy- aged to Hell-gate, and how they were received there 131 Chap, v.— How the heroes of Communipaw returned somewhat wiser than they went ; and how the sage Olofie dreamed a dream, and the dream that he dreamed 146 Chap. VI.— Containing an attempt at etymology, and of the founding of the great city of New Amsterdam 153 Contents Chap. VII.— How the people of Pavonia migrated frotn Communipaw to the island of Manna-hata ; and how Olofife the Dreamer proved himself a great land speculator i57 Chap. VIII. — Of the founding and naming of the new city— Of the city arms, and of the direful feud between Ten Breeches and Tough Breeches, i6i Chap. IX.— How the city of New Amsterdam waxed great under the protection of St. Nicholas and the absence of laws and statutes— How Oloffe the Dreamer began to dream of an extension of em- pire, and of the effect of his dreams . . .169 BOOK III. IN which is recorded the golden reign of wouter VAN TWILLER. Chap. I.— Of the renowned Wouter Van Twiller ; his unparalleled virtues ; as likewise his unutterable wisdom in the law case of Wandle Schoonhoven and Barent Bleecker, and the great admiration of the public thereat 178 Chap. II.— Containing some account of the grand council of New Amsterdam ; as also divers es- pecial good philosophical reasons whj' an alder- m.an should be fat ; with other particulars touch- ing the state of the province 190 Chap. III.— How the town of New Amsterdam arose out of mud, and came to be marvellously polished and polite ; together with a picture of the man- ners of our great-great-grandfathers . . . 203 Chap, IV. — Containing further particulars of the golden age, and what constituted a fine lady and gentleman in the days of Walter the Doubter , . . , 214 Contents Chap. V. — Of the founding of Fort Aurania — Of the mysteries of the Hudson— Of the arrival of the patroon Killian Van Rensellaer ; his lordly de- scent upon the earth, and his introduction of club law 222 Chap. VI.— In which the reader is beguiled into a delectable -walk, which ends very differently from what it commenced 227 Chap. VII. — Faithfully describing the ingenious people of Connecticut and thereabouts ; show- ing, moreover, the true meaning of liberty of conscience, and a curious device among these sturdy barbarians, to keep up a harmony of in- tercourse and promote population . . . 234 Chap. VIII. — How these singular barbarians turned out to be notorious squatters ; how they built air-castles, and attempted to initiate the ISTeder- landers into the mystery of bundling . . .242 Chap. IX. — How the Fort Goed Hoop was fearfully beleaguered— How the renowned Wouter fell into a profound doubt, and how he finally evaporated, 250 BOOK IV. CONTAINING THE CHRONICLES OF THE REIGN OF WIL- LIAM THE TESTY. Chap. I.— Showing the nature of history in general ; containing, furthermore, the universal acquire- ments of William the Testy, and how a man may learn so much as to render himself good for nothing 259 Chap. II.— How William the Testy undertook to conquer by proclamation ; how he was a great man abroad, but a little man in his own house . 267 Chap. III. — In which are recorded the sage projects of a ruler of universal genius— The art of fight- Contents ing by proclamation ; and how that the valiant Jacobus Van Curlet came to be foully dishonored at Fort Goed Hoop 27a Chap. IV.— Containing the fearful wrath of William the Testy, and the alarm of New Amsterdam — How the governor did strongly fortify the city — Of the rise of Antony the Trumpeter, and the windy addition to the armorial bearings of New Amsterdam 279 THE AUTHOR'S APOLOGY. THE following work, in which, at the outset, nothing more was contemplated than a temporary 7>?/ d' esprit was commenced in com- pany with my brother, the late Peter Irving, Esq. Our idea was, to parody a small hand- book which had recently appeared, entitled "A Picture of New York." Like that, our work was to begin with an historical sketch ; to be followed by notices of the customs, manners, and institutions of the city ; written in a serio- comic vein, and treating local errors, follies, and abuses with good-humored satire. To burlesque the pedantic lore displayed in certain American works, our historical sketch was to commence with the creation of the world ; and we laid all kinds of works under contribution for trite citations, relevant or irrele- vant, to give it the proper air of learned research. Before this crude mass of mock erudition could be digested into form, my brother departed for XLbc Butbor's BpolOQS Europe, and I was left to prosecute the enter- prise alone. I now altered the plan of the work. Discard- ing all idea of a parody on the " Picture of New York," I determined that what had been origi- nally intended as an introductory sketch, should comprise the whole work, and form a comic history of the city. I accordingly moulded the mass of citations and disquisitions into intro- ductory chapters, forming the first book ; but it soon became evident to me that, like Robin- son Crusoe with his boat, I had begun on too large a scale, and that, to launch my history successfully, I must reduce its proportions. I accordingly resolved to confine it to the period of the Dutch domination, which, in its rise, progress, and decline, presented that unity of subject required by classic rule. It was a period, also, at that time almost a ierra incogftita in history. In fact, I was surprised to find how few of my fellow-citizens were aware that New York had ever been called New Amsterdam, or had heard of the names of its early Dutch gov- ernors, or cared a straw about their ancient Dutch progenitors. This, then, broke upon me, as the poetic age of our city ; poetic from its very obscurit^^ ; and open, like the early and obscure days of ancient Rome, to all the embellishments of heroic fie- ^be Butbor*6 Bpoloeg 3 tion. I hailed my native city, as fortunate above all other American cities, in having an antiquity thus extending back into the regions of doubt and fable ; neither did I conceive I was committing any grievous historical sin in help- ing out the few facts I could collect in this re- mote and forgotten region with figments of my own brain, or in giving characteristic attributes to the few names connected with it which I might dig up from oblivion. In this, doubtless, I reasoned like a young and inexperienced writer, besotted with his own fancies ; and my presumptuous trespasses into this sacred, though neglected region of history have met with deserved rebuke from men of soberer minds. It is too late, however, to recall the shaft thus rashly launched. To any one whose sense of fitness it may wound, I can only say with Hamlet, — Z,et my disclaiming from a purposed evil Free me so far in your most generous thoughts, That I have shot my arrow o'er the house, And hurt my brother. I will say this in further apology for my work, that, if it has taken an unwarrantable liberty with our early pro\-incial history, it has at least turned attention to that history and provoked research. It is only since this work ^be Butbor's Bpologi^ appeared that the forgotten archives of the province have been rummaged, and the facts and personages of the olden time rescued from the dust of obli\'ion, and elevated into whatever importance they may virtually possess. The main object of my work, in fact, had a bearing wide from the sober aim of history ; but one which, I trust, will meet with some indul- gence from poetic minds. It was to embody the traditions of our city in an amusing form ; to illustrate its local humors, customs, and pecu- liarities ; to clothe home scenes and places and familiar names wnth those imaginative and whimsical associations so seldom met with in our new country, but which live like charms and spells about the cities of the old world, binding the heart of the native inhabitant to his home. In this I have reason to believe I have in some measure succeeded. Before the appearance of my work the popular traditions of our city were unrecorded ; the peculiar and racy customs and usages derived from our Dutch progenitors were unnoticed or regarded with indifference, or adverted to with a sneer. Now they form a convivial currency, and are brought forward on all occasions ; they link our whole community together in good-humor and good-fellowship ; they are the rallying points of home feeling, tbc Butbor'0 Bpolog^ the seasoning of our civic festivities, the staple of local tales and local pleasantries, and are so harped upon by our writers of popular fiction, that I find myself almost crowded off the legen- dary ground which I was the first to explore, by the host who have followed in my footsteps. I dwell on this head, because, at the first appearance of my work, its aim and drift were misapprehended by some of the descendants of the Dutch worthies ; and because I understand that now and then one may still be found to regard it with a captious eye. The far greater part, however, I have reason to flatter myself, receive my good-humored picturings in the same temper in which they were executed ; and when I find, after a lapse of nearly forty years, this hap-hazard production of my youth still cher- ished among them, — when I find its very name become a "household word" and used to give a home stamp to every thing recommended for popular acceptation, such as Knickerbocker societies, Knickerbocker insurance companies, Knickerbocker steamboats, Knickerbocker om- nibuses, Knickerbocker bread, and Knicker- bocker ice, — and when I find New Yorkers of Dutch descent priding themselves upon being "genuine Knickerbockers," — I please myself with the persuasion that I have struck the right chord ; that my dealings with the good old Zhc Butbor'6 Bpologe Dutch times, and the customs and usages de- rived from them, are in harmony with the feel- ings and humors of my townsmen ; that I have opened a vein of pleasant associations and quaint characteristics peculiar to my native place, and which its inhabitants will not willing- ly suffer to pass away ; and that, though other histories of New York may appear of higher claims to learned acceptation, and may take their dignified and appropriate rank in the family library, Knickerbocker's history will still be received with good-humored indulgence, and be thumbed and chuckled over by the family fireside. W. I. SUNNYSIDE, 1848. NOTICES WHICH APPEARED IN THE NEWSPAPERS PRE- VIOUS TO THE PUBIvICATlON OF THIS WORK. From the Evening Post of October 26, 1809. DISTRESSING. Left his lodgings, some time since, and has not since been heard of, a small elderly gentleman, dressed in an old black coat and cocked hat, by the name of Knicker-- bocker. As there are some reasons for believing he is not entirely in his right mind, and as great anxiety is entertained about him, any information concerning him, left either at the Columbian Hotel, Mulberry Street, or at the office of this paper, will be thankfully received. P. S. Printers of newspapers would be aiding the cause of humanity in giving an insertion to the above. From the same, November 6, 1809, To the Editor of the Evening Post : Sir : — Having read in your paper of the 26th October last, a paragraph respecting an old gentleman by the name of Knickerbocker, who was missing from his lod- gings ; if it would be any relief to his friends, or furnish them with any clue to discover where he is, you may in- form them that a person answering the description 8 tiOtiCCB given, was seen by the passengers of the Albany stage, early in the morning, about four or five weeks since, resting himself by the side of the road, a little above King's Bridge. He had in his hand a small bundle, tied in a red bandanna handkerchief; he appeared to be trav- elling northward, and was very much fatigued and ex- hausted. A TRAVEIvLER. From the same, November i6, 1809. To the Editor of the Evening Post : Sir :— You have been good enough to publish in your paper a paragraph about Mr. Diedrich Knickerbocker, who was missing so strangely some time since. Nothing satisfactory has been heard of the old gentleman since ; but a very curioxcs kind of a written book has been found in his room, in his own handwriting. Now I wish you to notice him, if he is still alive, that if he does not re- turn and pay off his bill for boarding and lodging, I shall have to dispose of his book to satisfy me for the same. I am, sir, your humble servant, SETH HANDASIDE, lyandlord of the Independent Columbian Hotel, Mulberry Street. From the same, November 28, 1809. I.ITERARY NOTICE. Inskeep & Bradford have in press, and will shortly publish, A HISTORY OF NEW YORK, In two volumes, duodecimo. Price Three Dollars. Containing an account of its discovery and settlement, with its internal policies, manners, customs, wars, etc., etc., under the Dutch government, furnishing many curious and interesting particulars never before pub* Iftoticce lished, and which are gathered from various manuscript and other authenticated sources, the whole being inter- spersed with philosophical speculations and moral pre- cepts. This work was found in the chamber of Mr. Diedrich Knickerbocker, the old gentleman whose sudden and mysterious disappearance has been noticed. It is pub- lished in order to discharge certain debts he has left behind. From the American Citizen, December d, 1809 Is this day published By INSKEEP & Bradford, No. 128 Broadway, A HISTORY OF NEW YORK, &c., &c. (Containing same as above.) ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR. IT was some time, if I recollect right, in the earh' part of the autumn of 1808, that a stranger applied for lodgings at the Independent Columbian Hotel in Mulberry Street, of which I am landlord. He was a small, brisk-looking old gentleman, dressed in a rusty black coat, a pair of olive velvet breeches, and a small cocked hat. He had a few gray hairs plaited and clubbed behind, and his beard seemed to be of some eight-and-forty hours' growth. The only piece of finery which he bore about him was a bright pair of square silver shoe-buckles ; and all his baggage was contained in a pair of sad- dle-bags, which he carried under his arm. His whole appearance was something out of the common run ; and my wife, who is a \ery shrewd body, at once set him down for some eminent country schoolmaster. As the Independent Columbian Hotel is a very small house, I was a little puzzled at first 12 Bccount of tbe Butbor where to put him ; but my wife, who seemed taken with his looks, would needs put him in her best chamber, which is genteelly set off with the profiles of the whole family, done in black, by those two great painters, Jarvis and "Wood ; and commands a very pleasant view of the new grounds on the Collect, together with the rear of the Poor-House and Bridewell, and a full front of the Hospital ; so that it is the cheerfullest room in the whole house. During the whole time that he stayed with us, we found him a very worthy good sort of an old gentleman, though a little queer in his ways. He would keep in his room for days to- gether, and if any of the children cried, or made a noise about his door, he would bounce out in a great passion, with his hands full of papers, and say something about "deranging his ideas " ; which made my wife believe sometimes that he was not altogether compos. Indeed, there was more than one reason to make her think so, for his room was always covered with scraps of paper and old mouldy books, lying about at sixes and sevens, which he would never let anybody touch ; for he said he had laid them all away in their proper places, so that he might know where to find them ; though, for that matter, he was half his time worrying about the house in search of some book or writing Bccount of tbe Butbor 13 which he had carefully put out of the way. I shall never forget what a pother he once made, because my wife cleaned out his room when his back was turned, and put every thing to rights ; for he swore he would never be able to get his papers in order again in a twelvemonth. Upon this, my wife ventured to ask him what he did with so many books and papers ; and he told her that he was "seeking for immortality" ; which made her think more than ever that the poor old gentleman's head was a little cracked. He was a very inquisitive body, and when not in his room, was continually poking about town, hearing all the news, and prying into every thing that was going on : this was par- ticularly the case about election time, when he did nothing but bustle about from poll to poll, attending all ward meetings, and committee rooms ; though I could never find that he took part wnth either side of the question. On the contrary, he would come home and rail at both parties with great wrath, — and plainly proved one day, to the satisfaction of my wife and three old ladies who were drinking tea with her, that the two parties were like two rogues, each tug- ging at a skirt of the nation ; and that in the end they would tear the very coat off its back, and expose its nakedness. Indeed, he was an oracle among the neighbors, who would collect 14 Bccount of tbe Butboc around him to hear him talk of an afternoon, as he smoked his pipe on the bench before the door ; and I really believe he would have brought over the whole neighborhood to his own side of the question, if they could ever have found out what it was. He w^as very much given to argue, or, as he called it, philosophize^ about the most trifling matter ; and to do him justice, I never knew anybody that was a match for him, except it was a grave-looking old gentleman who called now and then to see him, and often posed him in an argument. But this is nothing surprising, as I have since found out this stranger is the city librarian, who, of course, must be a man of great learning ; and I have my doubts if he had not some hand in the following historv*. As our lodger had been a long time with us, and we had never received any pay, my wife began to be somewhat uneasy, and curious to find out who and what he was. She according- ly made bold to put the question to his friend, the librarian, who replied in his dry way that he was one of the literati, which she supposed to mean some new party in politics. I scorn to push a lodger for his pay ; so I let day after day pass on without dunning the old gentleman for a farthing ; but my wife, who always takes these matters on herself, and is, as I said, a Bccount of tbe Butbor 15 shrewd kind of a woman, at last got out of pa- tience, and hinted that she thought it high time "some people should have a sight of some peo- ple's money." To which the old gentleman replied, in a mighty touchy manner, that she need not make herself uneasy, for that he had a treasure there (pointing to his saddle-bags), worth her whole house put together. This was the only answer we could ever get from him ; and as my wife, by some of those odd ways in which women find out every thing, learnt that he was of very great connection, being related to the Knickerbockers of Scaghtikoke, and cousin-german to the Congressman of that name, she did not like to treat him uncivilly. What is more, she even offered, merely by way of making things easy, to let him live scot-free, if he would teach the children their letters, and to try her best and get her neighbors to send their children also ; but the old gentleman took it in such dudgeon, and seemed so affronted at being taken for a schoolmaster, that she never dared to speak on the subject again. About two months ago he went out of a morn- ing, with a bundle in his hand, and has never been heard of since. All kinds of inquiries were made after him, but in vain. I wrote to his relations at Scaghtikoke, but they sent for answer that he had not been there since the account of tbc autbor year before last, when he had a great dispute with the Congressman about politics, and left the place in a huff, and they had neither heard nor seen any thing of him from that time to this. I must own I felt very much worried about the poor old gentleman, for I thought something bad must have happened to him, that he should be missing so long, and never return to pay his bill. I therefore advertised him in the newspapers, and though my melan- choly advertisement was published by several humane printers, yet I have never been able to learn any thing satisfactory about him. My wife now said it was high time to take care of ourselves, and see if he had left any thing behind in his room that would pay us for his board and lodging. We found nothing, however, but some old books and musty wri- tings, and his saddle-bags ; which, being opened in the presence of the librarian, contained only a few articles of worn-out clothes and a large bundle of blotted paper. On looking over this, the librarian told us he had no doubt it was the treasure which the old gentleman had spoken about, as it proved to be a most excellent and faithful History of New York, which he ad- vised us by all means to publish, assuring us that it would be so eagerly bought up by a dis- cerning public, that he had no doubt it would Bccount of tbe Butbor 17 be enough to pay our arrears ten times over. Upon this we got a very learned schoolmaster, who teaches our children, to prepare it for the press, which he accordingly has done, and has, moreover, added to it a number of valuable notes of his own. This, therefore, is a true statement of my rea- sons for having this work printed, without waiting for the consent of the author ; and I here declare that, if he ever returns (though I much fear some unhappy accident has befallen him), I stand ready to account with him like a true and honest man. Which is all at present. From the public's humble servant, Seth Handasidk. Independent Columbian Hotel, New York. The foregoing account of the author was pre- fixed to the first edition of this work. Shortly after its publication a letter was received from him by Mr. Handaside, dated at a small Dutch \dllage on the banks of the Hudson, whither he had travelled for the purpose of inspecting cer- tain ancient records. As this was one of those few and happy \nllages into which newspapers never find their way, it is not a matter of sur- prise that Mr. Knickerbocker should never have seen the numerous advertisements that were made concerning him, and that he should i8 Bccount of tbe Butbor learn of tlie publication of his history by mere accident. He expressed much concern at its premature appearance, as thereby he was prevented from making several important corrections and alter- ations, as well as from profiting by many curious hints which he had collected during his travels along the shores of the Tappan Sea, and his so- journ at Haverstraw and Esopus. Finding that there was no longer any imme- diate necessity for his return to New York, he extended his journey up to the residence of his relations at Scaghtikoke. On his way thither he stopped for some days at Albany, for which city he is known to have entertained a great partiality. He found it, however, considerably altered, and was much concerned at the inroads and improvements which the Yankees were making, and the consequent decline of the good old Dutch manners. Indeed, he was informed that these intruders were making sad innova- tions in all parts of the State, where they had given great trouble and vexation to the regular Dutch settlers by the introduction of turnpike- gates and country school-houses. It is said, also, that Mr. Knickerbocker shook his head sorrowfully at noticing the gradual decay of the great Vander Heyden palace ; but was highly indignant at finding that the ancient Dutch Bccount of tbe Butbor ig church, which stood in the middle of the street, had been pulled down since his last visit. The fame of Mr. Knickerbocker's history hav- ing reached even to Albany, he received much flattering attention from its worthy burghers, some of whom, however, pointed out two or three very great errors he had fallen into, par- ticularly that of suspending a lump of sugar over the Albany tea-tables, which, they assured him, had been discontinued for some years past. Several families, moreover, were some- what piqued that their ancestors had not been mentioned in his work, and showed great jealousy of their neighbors who had thus been distinguished, while the latter, it must be con- fessed, plumed themselves vastly thereupon, considering these recordings in the light of let- ters-patent of nobility, establishing their claims to ancestrs', — which, in this republican country-, is a matter of no little solicitude and vainglory-. It is also said that he enjoyed high favor and countenance from the governor, who once asked him to dinner, and was seen two or three times to shake hands with him when they met in the streets, which certainly was going great lengths, considering that they differed in politics. In- deed, certain of the governor's confidential friends, to whom he could venture to speak his mind freely on such matters, have assured us account of tbe Butbor that he privately entertained a considerable good-will for our author, — nay, he even once went so far as to declare, and that openly, too, and at his own table, just after dinner, that "Knickerbocker was a very well-meaning sort of an old gentleman, and no fool." From all which many have been led to suppose that had our author been of different politics and written for the newspapers, instead of wasting his tal- ents on histories, he might have risen to some post of honor and profit, — peradventure, to be a notary-public, or even a justice in the ten- pound court. Beside the honors and civilities already men- tioned, he was much caressed by the literati of Albany, particularly by Mr. John Cook, who entertained him very hospitably at his circulat- ing library and reading-room, where they used to drink Spa water and talk about the ancients. He found Mr. Cook a man after his own heart, — of great literary research, and a curious col- lector of books. At parting, the latter, in tes- timony of friendship, made him a present of the two oldest works in his collection, which were the earliest edition of the Heidelberg Cate- chism, and Adrian Vander Donck's famous ac- count of the New Netherlands : by the last of which Mr. Knickerbocker profited greatly in his second edition. account of tbc Butbor 21 Having passed some time very agreeably at Albany, our author proceeded to Scaghtikoke, vrliere, it is but justice to say, he was received with open arms, and treated with wonderful lo\nng-kindness. He was much looked up to by the family, being the first historian of the name, and was considered almost as great a man as his cousin the congressman, — with whom, by the by, he became perfectly recon- ciled, and contracted a strong friendship. In spite, however, of the kindness of his rela- tions, and their great attention to his comforts, the old gentleman soon become restless and discontented. His history being published, he had no longer any business to occupy his thoughts, or any scheme to excite his hopes and anticipations. This, to a busy mind like his, was a truly deplorable situation, and had he not been a man of inflexible morals and reg- ular habits, there would have been great dan- ger of his taking to politics, or drinking, — both which pernicious vices we daily see men driven to by mere spleen and idleness. It is true, he sometimes employed himself in preparing a second edition of his history, wherein he endeavored to correct and improve many passages with which he was dissatisfied, and to rectify some mistakes that had crept into it ; for he was particularly anxious that his 22 Bccount of tbc Butbor work should be noted for its authenticity, which indeed is the very life and soul of history. But the glow of composition had departed ; he had to leave many places untouched, which he would fain have altered, and even where he did make alterations he seemed always in doubt whether they were for the better or the worse. After a residence of some time at Scaghti- koke, he began to feel a strong desire to return to New York, which he ever regarded with the warmest affection ; not merely because it was his native city, but because he really considered it the very best city in the whole world. On his return he entered into the full enjoyment of the advantages of a literary reputation. He was continually importuned to write advertise- ments, petitions, handbills, and productions of similar import ; and although he never meddled with the public papers, yet had he the credit of writing innumerable essays and smart things that appeared on all subjects, and all sides of the question ; in all which he was clearly de- tected "by his style." He contracted, moreover, a considerable debt at the post-ofi&ce, in consequence of the nu- merous letters he received from authors and printers soliciting his subscription, and he was applied to by every charitable society for yearly donations, which he gave very cheerfully, con- Bccount of tbe Butbor 23 sidering these applications as so many compli- ments. He was once invited to a great corpora- tion dinner, and was even twice summoned to attend as a jur\-man at the court of quarter ses- sions. Indeed so renowned did he become that he could no longer pry about, as formerly, in all holes and comers of the city, according to the bent of his humor, unnoticed and unin- terrupted ; but several times when he has been sauntering the streets on his usual rambles of observation, equipped with his cane and cocked hat, the little boys at play have been known to cry : '* There goes Diedrich ! " — at which the old gentleman seemed not a little pleased, looking upon these salutations in the light of the praise of posterity. In a word, if we take into consideration all these various honors and distinctions, together with an exuberant eulogium passed on him in the Portfolio (with which we are told, the old gentleman was so overpowered that he was sick for two or three days), it must be confessed that few authors have ever lived to receive such illustrious rewards, or have so completely enjoyed in advance their own immortality. After his return from Scaghtikoke, Mr. Knick- erbocker took up his residence at a little rural retreat, which the Stuyvesants had granted him on the family domain, in gratitude for H Bccount of tbc Butbor his honorable mention of their ancestor. It was pleasantly situated on the borders of one of the salt marshes beyond Corlear's Hook, subject in- deed, to be occasionally overflowed, and much infested in the summer time with mosquitoes, but otherwise very agreeable, producing abun- dant crops of salt grass and bulrushes. Here, we are sorry to say, the good old gentleman fell dangerously ill of a fever, oc- casioned by the neighboring marshes. When he found his end approaching he disposed of his worldly affairs, leaving the bulk of his fortune to the New York Historical Society ; his Heidelberg Catechism, and Vander Donck's work to the city library, and his saddle-bags to Mr. Handaside. He forgave all his enemies, — that is to say, all who bore any enmity towards him ; for as to himself, he declared he died in good-will with all the world. And after dic- tating several kind messages to his relations at Scaghtikoke, as well as to certain of our most substantial Dutch citizens, he expired in the arms of his friend the librarian. His remains were interred, according to his own request, in St. Mark's churchyard, close by the bones of his favorite hero, Peter Stuyve- sant ; and it is rumored that the Historical So- ciety have it in mind to erect a wooden monu- ment to his memory in the Bowling Green. TO THE PUBLIC. TO rescue from oblivion the memory of former incidents, and to render a just trib- ute of renown to the many great and -wonder- ful transactions of our Dutch progenitors, Died- rich Knickerbocker, native of the city of New York, produces this historical essay.* Like the great Father of History, whose words I have just quoted, I treat of times long past, over which the twilight of uncertainty had already thrown its shadows, and the night of forgetful- ness was about to descend forever. With great solicitude had I long beheld the early history of this venerable and ancient city gradually slipping from our grasp, trembling on the lips of narrative old age, and day by day dropping piecemeal into the tomb. In a little while, thought I, and those reverend Dutch burghers, who serve as the tottering monuments of good old times, will be gathered to their fathers ; their childxen, engrossed by the empty pleas- * Beloe's Herodotus. 26 Zo tbe ipublic ures or insignificant transactions of the present age, will neglect to treasure up the recollections of the past, and posterity will search in vain for memorials of the days of the Patriarchs. The origin of our city will be buried in eternal oblivion, and even the names and achieve- ments of Wouter Van Twiller, William Kieft, and Peter Stuyvesant, be enveloped in doubt and fiction, like those of Romulus and Remus, of Charlemagne, King Arthur, Rinaldo, and Godfrey of Bologne. Determined, therefore, to avert if possible this threatened misfortune, I industriously set myself to work, to gather together all the frag- ments of our infant history which still existed, and like my reverend protot3-pe, Herodotus, where no written records could be found, I have endeavored to continue the chain of his- tory by well-authenticated traditions. In this arduous undertaking, which has been the whole business of a long and solitary life, it is incredible the number of learned authors I have consulted ; and all but to little purpose. Strange as it may seem, though such multitudes of excellent works have been written about this country, there are none extant which give any full and satisfactory account of the early his- tory of New York, or of its three first Dutch governors. I have, however, gained much ^0 tbe public 27 valuable and curious matter, from an elaborate manuscript written in exceeding pure and classic Low Dutch, excepting a few errors in orthography, which was found in the archives of the Stuyvesant family. Many legends, let- ters, and other documents have I likewise gleaned, in my researches among the family chests and lumber-garrets of our respectable Dutch citizens ; and I have gathered a host of well-authenticated traditions from divers ex- cellent old ladies of my acquaintance, who requested that their names might not be men- tioned. Nor must I neglect to acknowledge how greatly I have been assisted by that admi- rable and praiseworthy institution, the Ne:w York Historicai, Society, to which I here publicly return my sincere acknowledgments. In the conduct of this inestimable work I have adopted no individual model ; but, on the contrary, have simply contented myself with combining and concentrating the excellences of the most approved ancient historians. Like Xenophon, I have maintained the utmost im- partiality, and the strictest adherence to truth throughout my history. I have enriched it after the manner of Sallust, with various char- acters of ancient worthies, drawn at full length, and faithfully colored. I have seasoned it with profound political speculations like Thu- 29 zo tbe public cydides, sweetened it with tlie graces of senti- ment like Tacitus, and infused into the whole the dignit}', the grandeur, and magnificence of Livy. I am aware that I shall incur the censure of numerous very learned and judicious critics, for indulging too frequently in the bold excursive manner of my favorite Herodotus. And to be candid, I have found it impossible always to re- sist the allurements of those pleasing episodes which, like flowery banks and fragrant bowers, beset the dusty road of the historian, and entice him to turn aside, and refresh himself from his wayfaring. But I trust it will be found that I have always resumed my staff, and addressed myself to my weary journey with renovated spirits, so that both my readers and myself have been benefited by the relaxation. Indeed, though it has been my constant wish and uniform endeavor to rival Polybius himself, in observing the requisite unity of history, yet the loose and unconnected manner in which many of the facts herein recorded have come to hand, rendered such an attempt extremely diffi- cult. This difficulty was likewise increased b}- one of the grand objects contemplated in my work, which was to trace the rise of sundry cus- toms and institutions in this best of cities, and to compare them, when in the germ of infancy, Zo tbc public 29 with what they are in the present old age of knowledge and improvement. But the chief merit on which I value myself, and found my hopes for future regard, is that faithful veracity with which I have compiled this invaluable little work ; carefully winnowing away the chaff of hypothesis, and discarding the tares of fable, which are too apt to spring up and choke the seeds of truth and wholesome knowledge. Had I been anxious to captivate the superficial throng, who skim like swallows over the surface of literature ; or had I been anxious to commend my writings to the pamp- ered palates of literary epicures, I might have availed myself of the obscurity that overshadows the infant years of our city, to introduce a thou- sand pleasing fictions. But I have scrupuloush- discarded many a pithy tale and marv'ellous adventure, whereby the drowsy ear of summer indolence might be enthralled ; jealously main- tianing that fidelity, gravity, and dignity, which should ever distinguish the historian. " For a writer of this class," observes an elegant critic, "must sustain the character of a wise man, writing for the instruction of posterity ; one who has studied to inform himself well, who has pondered his subject with care, and ad- dresses himself to our judgment, rather than to our imagination." 30 ^0 tbc public Thrice happy, therefore, is this our renowned city in having incidents worthy of swelling the theme of history ; and doubly thrice happy is it in ha\^ng such an historian as myself to relate them. For after all, gentle reader, cities of themselves, and, in fact, empires of themselves, are nothing without an historian. It is the pa- tient narrator who records their prosperity as they rise, — who blazons forth the splendor of their noontide meridian, — who props their feeble memorials as they totter to decay, — who gathers together their scattered fragments as they rot, — and who piously, at length, collects their ashes into the mausoleum of his work and rears a monument that will transmit their re- nown to all succeeding ages. What has been the fate of many fair cities of antiquity, whose nameless ruins encumber the plains of Europe and Asia, and awaken the fruitless inquiry of the traveller? They have sunk into dust and silence, — they have perished from remembrance for want of an historian ! The philanthropist may weep over their desola- tion, — the poet may wander among their moul- dering arches and broken columns, and indulge the visionary flights of his fancy, — but, alas ! alas ! the modern historian, whose pen, like my own, is doomed to confine itself to dull matter- of-fact, seeks in vain among their oblivious re- Zo tbe public 31 mains for some memorial that may tell the in- structive tale of their glory and their ruiu. "Wars, conflagrations, deluges," says Aris- totle, " destroy nations, and with them all their monuments, their discoveries, and their vanities. The torch of science has more than once been extinguished and rekindled ; — a few indi\-iduals, who have escaped by accident, reunite the thread of generations." The same sad misfortune which has happened to so many ancient cities will happen again, and from the same sad cause, to nine tenths of those which now flourish on the face of the globe. With most of them the time for recording their early history is gone by ; their origin, their foundation, together with the eventful period of their youth, are forever buried in the rabbish of years ; and the same would have been the case with this fair portion of the earth, if I had not snatched it from obscurity in the very nick of time, at the moment that those matters here- in recorded were about entering into the wide- spread, insatiable maw of oblivion, — if I had not dragged them out, as it were, by the very locks, just as the monster's adamantine fan^s were closing upon them forever! And here have I, as before observed, carefully collected, collated, and arranged them, scrip and scrap, "• Punt en punt, gat en gat,'" and commenced in 32 ;ro tbe public this little work a history, to serve as a founda- tion on which other historians may hereafter raise a noble superstructure, swelling in process of time, until Knickerbocker's "New York" may be equally voluminous with Gibbon's "Rome," or Hume and Smollet's " England" ! And now indulge me for a moment, while I lay down my pen, skip to some little eminence at the distance of two or three hundred years ahead ; and, casting back a bird's-eye glance over the waste of years that is to roll between, discover myself — little I — at this moment the progenitor, prototype, and precursor of them all, posted at the head of this host of literary worthies, with my book under my arm, and New York on my back, pressing forward, like a gallant commander, to honor and immortality. Such are the vainglorious imaginings that will now and then enter into the brain of the author, — that irradiate, as with celestial light, his solitary chamber, cheering his weary spirits, and animating him to persevere in his labors. And I have freely given utterance to these rhapsodies whenever they have occurred ; not, I trust, from an unusual spirit of egotism, but merely that the reader may for once have an idea how an author thinks and feels while he is writing, — a kind of knowledge very rare and curious, and much to be desired, A HISTORY OF NEW YORK BOOK I. CONTAINING DIVERS INGENIOUS THEORIES AND PHII^OSOPHIC SPECLXATIONS, CONCERNING THE CREATION AND POPUEATION OF THE WORXD, AS CONNECTED W^TH THE HISTORY OP NEW YORK. CHAPTER I. DESCRIPTION OF THE WORLD. ACCORDING to the best authorities, the world in which we dwell is a huge, opaque, reflecting, inanimate mass, floating in the vast ethereal ocean of infinite space. It has the form of an orange, being an oblate spheroid, curiously flattened at opposite parts, for the in- sertion of tw^o imaginary poles, which are sup- posed to penetrate and unite at the centre, thus 34 Ibistors ot IRew |)ork forming an axis on which the mighty orange turns with a regular diurnal revolution. The transitions of light and darkness, whence proceed the alternations of day and night, are produced by this diurnal revolution successively presenting the different parts of the earth to the rays of the sun. The latter is, according to the best, that is to say, the latest accounts, a luminous or fiery body, of a prodigious magni- tude, from which this world is driven by a cen- trifugal or repelling power, and to which it is drawn by a centripetal or attractive force ; otherwise called the attraction of gravitation ; the combination, or rather the counteraction of these two opposing impulses producing a circu- lar and annual revolution. Hence result the different seasons of the year, viz. : spring, sum- mer, autumn, and winter. This I believe to be the most approved mod- ern theory on the subject, — though there be many philosophers who have entertained very different opinions ; some, too, of them entitled to much deference from their great antiquity and illustrious character. Thus it was advanced by some of the ancient sages, that the earth was an extended plain, supported by vast pil- lars ; and by others, that it rested on the head of a snake, or the back of a huge tortoise ; — but as they did not provide a resting-place for either ©pinions Bbout tbc 'CGlorlJ) 35 the pillars or the tortoise, the whole theory fell to the ground, for want of proper foundation. The Brahmins assert, that the heavens rest upon the earth, and the sun and moon swim therein like fishes in the water, moving from east to west by day, and gliding along the edge of the horizon to their original stations during night ^ ; while, according to the Pauranicas of India, it is a vast plain, encircled by seven oceans of milk, nectar, and other delicious liquids ; that it is studded with seven mountains, and ornamented in the centre by a mountainous rock of burnished gold ; and that a great dragon occasipnally swallows up the moon, which ac- counts for the phenomena of lunar eclipses. f Besides these, and many other equally sage opinions, we have the profound conjectures of AbouIv-Hassan-Aly, son of Al Khan, son of Aly, son of Abderrahman, son of Abdallah, son of Masoud-el-Hadheli who is commonly called Masoudi, and surnamed Cothbiddin, but who takes the humble title of Laheb-ar-rasoul, whicl: means the companion of the ambassador c/ God. He has written a universal histor}% en- titled " Mouroudge-ed-dharab, or the Golden Meadows, and the Mines of Precious Stones."; * Faria y Souza, Mick. Lus., note b., 7. fSir W. Jones, Diss. Antiq. Ind. Zod. f MSS. Bibliot. Roi. Fr. 36 Ibistorg of IRew lt)ork In this valuable work he has related the history of the world from the creation down to the mo- ment of writing ; which was under the Khali- phat of Mothi Billah, in the month Dgioumadi- el-aoual of the 366th year of the Hegira or flight of the prophet. He informs us that the earth is a huge bird, Mecca and Medina consti- tuting the head, Persia and India the right wing, the land of Gog the left wing, and Africa the tail. He informs us, moreover, that an earth has existed before the present (which he considers as a mere chicken of 7,000 years), that it has undergone divers deluges, and that, according to the opinion of some well-informed Brahmins of his acquaintance, it will be reno- vated every seventy thousandth hazarouam ; each hazarouam consisting of 12,000 years. These are a few of the many contradictory opinions of philosophers concerning the earth, and we find that the learned have had equal perplexity as to the nature of the sun. Some of the ancient philosophers have afiirmed that it is a vast wheel of brilliant fire* ; others, that it is merely a mirror or sphere of transparent crystal f ; and a third class, at the head of whom stands Anaxagoras, maintained that it was noth- ♦Plutarch, De Placitis Philosoph., lib. ii., cap. 20. t Achill. Tat. Isag., cap. 19. Ap. Petav., t. iii., p. 81. Stob., Eclog. Phys., lib. i., p. 56. Plut., De. Plac, Phi. Cbe IRature of tbe Sun ing but a huge ignited mass of iron or stone, — indeed, he declared the heavens to be merely a vault of stone, — and that the stars were stones whirled upward from the earth, and set on fire by the velocity of its revolutions.* But I give little attention to the doctrines of this philoso- pher, the people of Athens having fully refuted them, by banishing him from their city ; a con- cise mode of answering unwelcome doctrines, much resorted to in former days. Another sect of philosophers do declare, that certain fiery particles exhale constantly from the earth, which, concentrating in a single point of the firmament by day, constitute the sun, but being scattered and rambling about in the dark at night, collect in various points, and form stars. These are regularly burnt out and extinguished, not unlike to the lamps in our streets, and re- quire a fresh supply of exhalations for the next occasion.! It is even recorded, that at certain remote and obscure periods, in consequence of a great scarcity of fuel, the sun has been completeh- burnt out, and sometimes not rekindled for a month at a time. A most melancholy circum- * Diogenes Laertius in Anaxag^. 1. ii., sec. 8. Plat. Apol., t. i.,p. 26. Plut., De Plac. Philo. Xenoph. Mem., 1. iv., p. 815. t Aristot. Meteor., 1. ii., c. 2. Idem. Probl. sec. 15. Stob., Eel. Phys., 1., i., p. 55. Bruck., Hist. Phil., t. i., p. 1154, etc. 38 1bi6torg of IKlew l^ork stance, the very idea of which gave vast con- cern to Heraclitus, that worthy weeping philos- opher of antiquity. In addition to these various speculations, it was the opinion of Herschel, that the sun is a magnificent, habitable abode ; the light it furnishes arising from certain em- pyreal, luminous, or phosphoric clouds, swim- ming in its transparent atmosphere.* But we will not enter farther at present into the nature of the sun, that being an inquiry not immediately necessary to the development of this history ; neither will we embroil ourselves in any more of the endless disputes of philoso- phers touching the form of this globe, but con- tent ourselves with the theory advanced in the beginning of this chapter, and will proceed to illustrate, by experiment, the complexity of motion therein ascribed to this our rotatory planet. Professor Von Poddingcoft (or Puddinghead, as the name may be rendered into English) was long celebrated in the University of Leyden for profound gravity of deportment, and a talent at going to sleep in the midst of examinations, to the infinite relief of his hopeful students, who thereby worked their way through college with great ease and little study. In the course of *Philos. Trans., 1795, p. 72. Idem., 1801, p. 265. Nich. Philos.Jou-m., I., p. 13. B {practical Bjperiment 39 one of his lectures, the learned professor, seiz- ing a bucket of water, swung it around his head at arm's length. The impulse with which he threw the vessel from him, being a centrifugal force, the retention of his arm operating as a centripetal power, and the bucket, which was a substitute for the earth, describing a circular orbit round about the globular head and ruby \asage of Professor Von Poddingcoft, which formed no bad representation of the sun. All of these particulars were duly explained to the class of gaping students around him. He ap- prised them, moreover, that the same principal of gravitation, which retained the water in the bucket, restrains the ocean from flying from the earth in its rapid revolutions ; and he fmrther informed them that should the motion of the earth be suddenly checked, it would in- continently fall into the sun, through the cen- tripetal force of gravitation, — a most ruinous event to this planet, and one which would also obsciire, though it most probably would not extinguish, the solar luminary. An unlucky stripling, one of those vagrant geniuses, who seem sent into the world merely to annoy worthy men of the puddinghead order, desirous of ascertaining the correctness of the experi- ment, suddenly arrested the arm of the profes- sor, just at the moment that the bucket was in 40 Ibistorg of tftew l^ork its zenith, which immediately descended with astonishing precision upon the philosophic head of the instructor of youth. A hollow sound, and a red-hot hiss, attended the contact ; but the theory was in the amplest manner illustrated, for the unfortunate bucket perished in the conflict ; but the blazing countenance of Pro- fessor Von Poddingcoft emerged from amidst the waters, glowing fiercer than ever with un- utterable indignation, whereby the students were marvellously edified, and departed consid- erably wiser than before. It is a mortifying circumstance, which greatly perplexes many a painstaking philosopher, that nature often refuses to second his most pro- found and elaborate efforts ; so that after ha\'ing invented one of the most ingenious and natural theories imaginable, she will have the perverseness to act directly in the teeth of his system, and flatly contradict his most favorite positions. This is a manifest and unmerited grievance, since it throws the censure of the vulgar and unlearned entirely upon the phi- losopher ; whereas the fault is not to be ascribed to his theory, which is unquestionably correct, but to the waywardness of Dame Nature, who, with the proverbial fickleness of her sex, is continually indulging in coquetries and ca- prices, and seems really to take pleasure in Cbe 1X13^6 ot tbc 'UaoclD 41 violating all philosophic rules, and jilting the most learned and indefatigable of her adorers. Thus it happened with respect to the foregoing satisfactory explanation of the motion of our planet ; it appears that the centrifugal force has long since ceased to operate, while its an- tagonist remains in undiminished potency ; the world, therefore, according to the theory as it originally stood, ought in strict propriety to tumble into the sun ; philosophers were con- \nnced that it would do so, and awaited in anxious impatience the fulfilment of their prog- nostics. But the untoward planet pertinacious- ly continued her course, notwithstanding that she had reason, philosophy, and a whole uni- versity of learned professors opposed to her conduct. The philosophers took this in very ill part, and it is thought they would never have pardoned the slight and affront which they conceived put upon them by the world, had not a good-natured professor kindly ofiaci- ated as a mediator between the parties, and effected a reconciliation. Finding the world would not accommodate itself to the theory, he wisely determined to accommodate the theory to the world ; he there- fore informed his brother philosophers, that the circular motion of the earth round the sun was no sooner engendered by the conflicting im- 42 tbistori? of Iftew l^ork pulses above described, than it became a regu- lar revolution, independent of the causes which give it origin. His learned brethren readily- joined in the opinion, being heartily glad of any explanation that would decently extricate them from their embarrassment ; and ever since that memorable era the world has been left to take her own course, and to revolve around the sun in such orbit as she thinks proper. CHAPTER 11. COSMOGONY', OR CREATION OF THE WORLD ; WITH A MUI.TITUDE OF EXCEI^ptians celebrate him under the name of Osiris ; the Indians as Menu ; the Greek and Roman writers confound him with Ogyges, and the Theban with Deucalion and Saturn. But the Chinese, who deservedly rank among the most extensive and authentic histo- rians, inasmuch as they have known the world much longer than any one else, declare that Noah was no other than Fohi ; and what gives this assertion some air of credibility is, that it is a fact, admitted by the most enlightened literati, that Noah travelled into China, at the time of the building of the Tower of Babel (probably to improve himself in the study of languages), and the learned Dr. Shackford gives us the ad- taoab anD Ibis Sons 57 ditional information, that the ark rested on a mountain on the frontiers of China. From this mass of rational conjectures and sage hypotheses, many satisfactory deductions might be drawn ; but I shall content myself with the simple fact stated in the Bible, viz. : that Noah begat three sons, Shem, Ham, and Japhet. It is astonishing on what remote and obscure contingencies the great affairs of this world depend, and how events the most distant, and to the common observer unconnected, are inevitably consequent the one to the other. It remains to the philosopher to discover these mysterious affinities, and it is the proudest tri- umph of his skill, to detect and drag forth some latent chain of causation which at first sight appears a paradox to the inexperienced observ- er. Thus many of my readers will doubtless wonder what connection the family of Noah can possibly have with this history, — and many will stare when informed, that the whole his- tory of this quarter of the world has taken its character and course from the simple circum- stance of the patriarch's having but three sons. But to explain : Noah, we are told by sundry very credible historians, becoming sole surviving heir and proprietor of the earth, in fee-simple, after the 'leluge, like a good father, portioned out his 58 1bi0tori5 of mew lock estate among his children. To Shem, he gave Asia ; to Ham, Africa ; and to Japhet, Europe. Now it is a thousand times to be lamented that he had but three sons, for had there been a fourth, he would doubtless have inherited America ; which, of course, would have been dragged forth from its obscurity on the occa- sion ; and thus many a hard-working historian and philosopher would have been spared a pro- digious mass of weary conjecture respecting the first discovery and population of this country. Noah, however, having provided for his three sons, looked in all probability upon our country as a mere wild unsettled land, and said nothing about it ; and to this unpardonable taciturnity of the patriarch may we ascribe the misfortune that America did not come into the world as early as the other quarters of the globe. It is true, some writers have vindicated him from this misconduct towards posterity, and asserted that he really did discover America. Thus it was the opinion of Mark Lescarbot, a French writer, possessed of that ponderosity of thought, and profoundness of reflection, so pe- culiar to his nation, that the immediate descend- ants of Noah peopled this quarter of the globe, and that the old patriarch himself, who still retained a passion for the seafaring life, super- intended the transmigration. The pious and iJbovc about IFloab 59 enlightened father, Charlevoix, a French Jesuit, remarkable for his aversion to the mar\-ellous, common to all great travellers, is conclusively of the same opinion ; nay, he goes still further, and decides upon the manner in which the discovery was effected, which was by the sea, and under the immediate direction of the great Noah. "I have already obser^-ed," exclaims the good father, in a tone of becoming indigna- tion, "that it is an arbitrary supposition that the grandchildren of Noah were not able to penetrate into the new world, or that they never thought of it. In effect, I can see no reason that can justify such a notion. Who can seriously believe that Noah and his immediate descendants, knew less than we do, and that the builder and pilot of the greatest ship that ever was, — a ship which was formed to traverse an unbounded ocean, and had so many shoals and quicksands to guard against, — should be igno- rant of, or should not have communicated to his descendants, the art of sailing on the ocean ? ' ' Therefore, they did sail on the ocean ; there- fore, they sailed to America ; therefore, Amer- ica was discovered by Noah ! Now all this exquisite chain of reasoning, which is so strikingly characteristic of the good father, being addressed to the faith, rather than the understanding, is flatly opposed by Hans de 6o 1bi6tors ot IRevv ll)ork Laet, who declares it a real and most ridiculous paradox to suppose that Noah ever entertained the thought of discovering America ; and as Hans is a Dutch writer, I am inclined to believe he must have been much better acquainted with the worthy crew of the ark than his competi- tors, and of course possessed of more accurate sources of information. It is astonishing how intimate historians do daily become with the patriarchs and other great men of antiquity. As intimacy improves with time, and as the learned are particularly inquisitive and familiar in their acquaintance with the ancients, I should not be surprised if some future writers should gravely give us a picture of men and manners as they existed before the Flood, far more copious and accurate than the Bible ; and that, in the course of another centurj-, the log-book of the good Noah should be as current among histori- ans as the voyages of Captain Cook, or the re- nowned history of Robinson Crusoe. I shall not occupy my time by discussing the huge mass of additional suppositions, conjec- tures, and probabilities respecting the first dis- covery of this country, with which unhappy historians overload themselves, in their endeav- ors to satisfy the doubts of an incredulous world. It is painful to see these laborious wights panting, and toiling, and sweating. Bmcrica DiscoveccD 6i under an enormous burden, at the very- outset of their works, which, on being opened, turns out to be nothing but a mighty bundle of straw. As, however, by unwearied assiduity, they seem to have established the fact, to the satisfaction of all the world, that this country has been dis- covered, I shall avail myself of their useful labors to be extremely brief upon this point. I shall not, therefore, stop to inquire whether America was first discovered by a wandering vessel of that celebrated Phoenician fleet, which, according to Herodotus, circumnavi- gated Africa; or by that Carthaginian expedi- tion, which Pliny, the naturalist, informs us, discovered the Canary Islands ; or whether it was settled by a temporary colony from Tyre, as hinted by Aristotle and Seneca. I shall neither inquire whether it was first discovered by the Chinese, as Vossius with great shrewd- ness advances ; nor by the Norwegians in 1002, under Biom ; nor by Behem, the German navi- gator, as Mr. Otto has endeavored to prove to the savajis of the learned city of Philadelphia. Nor shall I investigate the more modern claims of the Welsh, founded on the voyage of Prince Madoc in the eleventh century, who ha\'iug never returned, it has since been wisely concluded that he must have gone to America, and that for a plain reason, — if he did not go 62 Ibistors of IFlew l^ork there, where else could he have gone? — a ques- tion which most socratically shuts out all further dispute. Laying aside, therefore, all the conjectures above mentioned, with a multitude of others, equally satisfactory, I shall take for granted the vulgar opinion, that America was discovered on the 1 2th of October, 1492, by Christoval Colon, a Genoese, who has been clumsily nicknamed Columbus, but for what reason I cannot discern. Of the voyages and adventures of this Colon, I shall say nothing, seeing that they are already sufficiently known. Nor shall I undertake to prove that this country should have been called Colonia, after his name, that being notoriously self-evident. Having thus happily got my readers on this side of the Atlantic, I picture them to myself all impatience to enter upon the enjoyment of the land of promise, and in full expectation that I will immediately deliver it into their posses- sion. But if I do may I ever forfeit the reputa- tion of a regular-bred historian ! No — no, — most curious and thrice learned readers (for thrice learned ye are if ye have read all that has gone before, and nine times learned shall ye be if ye read that which comes after), we have yet a world of work before us. Think you the first discoverers of this fair quarter of IFmprovcment in tbistors 63 the globe had nothing to do but go on shore and find a country ready laid out and cultivated like a garden, wherein they might revel at their ease ? No such thing : they had forests to cut down, underwood to grub up, marshes to drain, and savages to exterminate. In like manner, I have sundry doubts to clear away, questions to resolve, and paradoxes to explain, before I permit you to range at ran- dom ; but these diflSculties once overcome, we shall be enabled to jog on right merrily through the rest of our history. Thus my work shall, in a manner, echo the nature of the subject, in the same manner as the sound of poetrj' has been found by certain shrewd critics to echo the sense, — this being an improvement in his- tory which I claim the merit of having invented. CHAPTER IV. SHOWING THE GREAT DIFFICULTY PHILOSO- PHERS HAVE HAD IN PEOPLING AMERICA ; AND HOW THE ABORIGINES CAME TO BE BEGOT- TEN BY ACCIDENT— TO THE GREAT RELIEF AND SATISFACTION OF THE AUTHOR. THE next inquiry at which we arrive in the regular course of our history is to ascer- tain, if possible, how this country was originally peopled, — a point fruitful of incredible embar- rassments ; for unless we prove that the Abo- rigines did absolutely come from somewhere, it will be immediately asserted, in this age of skepticism, that they did not come at all ; and if they did not come at all, then was this country never populated, — a conclusion perfectly agree- able to the rules of logic, but wholly irreconcil- able to every feeling of humanity, inasmuch as it must syllogistically prove fatal to the in- numerable Aborigines of this populous region. To avert so dire a sophism, and to rescue from logical annihilation so many millions of E)ifRcultie9 of pbilosopberB 65 fellow-creatures, how many wings of geese have been plundered ! what oceans of ink have been benevolently drained ! and how many capacious heads of learned historians have been addled, and forever confounded ! I pause with rever- ential awe, when I contemplate the ponderous tomes, in different languages, with which they have endeavored to solve this question, so im- portant to the happiness of society, but so in- volved in clouds of impenetrable obscurity. Historian after historian has engaged in the endless circle of hypothetical argument, and after leading us a weary chase through octavos, quartos, and folios, has let us out at the end of his work just as wise as we were at the begin- ning. It was doubtless some philosophical wild-goose chase of the kind that made the old poet Macrobius rail in such a passion at curios- ity, which he anathematizes most heartily as "an irksome agonizing care, a superstitious in- dustry about unprofitable things, an itching humor to see what is not to be seen, and to be doing what signifies nothing when it is done." But to proceed. Of the claims of the children of Noah to the original population of this country' I shall say nothing, as they have already been touched upon in my last chapter. The claimants next in celebritv are the descendants of Abraham. 66 fbietov^ of Bew lork Thus, Christoval Colon (vulgarly called Colum- bus), when he first discovered the gold mines of Hispaniola, immediately concluded, with a i:hrewdness that would have done honor to a philosopher, that he had found the ancient Ophir, from whence Solomon procured the gold for embellishing the temple at Jerusalem ; nay. Colon even imagined that he saw the remains of furnaces of veritable Hebraic construction, employed in refining the precious ore. So golden a conjecture, tinctured with such fascinating extravagance, was too tempting not to be immediately snapped at by the gudgeons of learning ; and, accordingly, there were di- vers profound writers ready to swear to its cor- rectness, and to bring in their usual load of authorities, and wise surmises, wherewithal to prop it up. Vetablus and Robertus Stephens declared nothing could be more clear; Arius Montanus, without the least hesitation, asserts that Mexico was the true Ophir, and the Jews the early settlers of the country; while Possevin, Becan, and several other sagacious writers, lug in a supposed prophecy of the fourth book of Esdras, w^hich being inserted in the mighty hypothesis, like the key-stone of an arch, gives it, in their opinion, perpetual durability. Scarce, however, have they completed their goodly superstructure, than in trudges a pha- •fcans t)C Xaet 67 lanx of opposite authors, with Hans de Laet, the great Dutchman, at their head, and at one blow tumbles the whole fabric about their ears. Hans, in fact, contradicts outright all the Is- raelitish claims to the first settlement of this country, attributing all those equivocal symp- toms, and traces of Christianity and Judaism, which have been said to be found in divers provinces of the new w^orld, to the Devil, who has always affected to counterfeit the worship of the true Deity. " A remark," says the know- ing old Padre d'Acosta, "made by all good authors who have spoken of the religion of na- tions newly discovered, and founded besides on the authority of the fathers of the church.'" Some writers again, among w^hom it is with much regret I am compelled to mention Lopez de Gomara, and Juan de Leri, insinuate that the Canaanites, being driven from the land of promise by the Jews, were seized with such a panic that they fled without looking behind them, until stopping to take breath, they found themselves safe in America. As they brought neither their national language, manners, nor features with them, it is supposed they left them behind in the hurry of their flight ; — I cannot give my faith to this opinion. I pass over the supposition of the learned Grotius, — who being both an ambassador and a 63 tbiator^ of IRew l)ot\\ Dutchman to boot, is entitled to great respect, — that North America was peopled by a strolling company of Norwegians, and that Peru was founded by a colony from China, — Manco, or Mango Capac, the first Incas, being himself a Chinese. Nor shall I more than barely men- tion, that father Kircher ascribes the settlement of America to the Egyptians, Rudbeck to the Scandinavians, Charron to the Gauls, JufFredus Petri to a skating party from Friesland, Milius to the Celtae, Marinocus the Sicilian to the Ro- mans, Le Compte to the Phoenicians, Postel to the Moors, Martyn d'Angleria to the Abyssini- ans, together with the sage surmise of De Laet, that England, Ireland, and the Orcades may contend for that honor. Nor will I bestow any more attention or credit to the idea that America is the fairy- region of Zipangri, described by that dreaming traveller, Marco Polo, the Venetian ; or that it comprises the visionary island of Atlantis, de- scribed by Plato. Neither will I stop to inves- tigate the heathenish assertion of Paracelsus, that each hemisphere of the globe was origi- nally furnished with an Adam and Eve ; or the more flattering opinion of Dr. Romayne, sup- ported by many nameless authorities, that Adam was of the Indian race ; or the startling conjecture of Buffon, Helvetius, and Darwan, so highly honorable to mankind, that the whole human species is accidentally descended from a remarkable family of monke3'S ! This last conjecture, I must own, came upon me very suddenly and very ungraciously. I have often beheld the clown in a pantomime, while gazing in stupid wonder at the extrava- gant gambols of a harlequin, all at once electri- fied by a sudden stroke of the wooden sword across his shoulders. Little did I think, at such times, that it would ever fall to my lot to be treated with equal discourtesy, and that, while I was quietly beholding these grave philoso- phers, emulating the eccentric transformations of the hero of pantomime, they would on a sudden turn upon me and my readers, and with one hypothetical flourish metamorphose us into beasts ! I determined from that moment not to burn my fingers with any more of their theories, but content myself with detailing the different methods by which they transported the descendants of these ancient and respect- able monkeys to this great field of theoretical warfare. This was done either by migrations by land or transmigrations by water. Thus Padre Jo- seph d'Acosta enumerates three passages by land, first, by the north of Europe ; secondly, by the north of Asia ; and thirdly, by regions Ibistorie of IRew l^orh southward of the Straits of Magellan. The learned Grotius marches his Norwegians by a pleasant route across frozen rivers and arms of the sea, through Iceland, Greenland, Estoti- land, and Naremberga ; and various writers, among whom are Angleria, De Homn, and BufFon, anxious for the accommodation of these travellers, have fastened the two continents together by a strong chain of deductions, — by which means they could pass over drj'-shod. But should even this fail, Pinkerton, that in- dustrious old gentlemen, who compiles books, and manufactures geographies, has constructed a natural bridge of ice, from continent to con- tinent, at the distance of four or five miles from Behring's Straits, for which he is entitled to the grateful thanks of all the wandering aborigines who ever did or ever will pass over it. It is an evil much to be lamented, that none of the worthy writers above quoted could ever commence his work without immediately de- claring hostilities against every writer who had treated of the same subject. In this particular authors may be compared to a certain sagacious bird, which in building its nest is sure to pull to pieces the nests of all the birds in its neigh- borhood. This unhappy propensity tends griev- ously to impede the progress of sound knowl- edge. Theories are at best but brittle produc- Bn BcciDental ipeoplc n tions, and when once committed to the stream, they should take care that, like the notable pots which were fellow-voyagers, they do not crack each other. My chief surprise is, that among the many writers I have noticed, no one has attempted to prove that this country was peopled from the moon, — or that the first inhabitants floated hither on islands of ice, as white bears cruise about the northern oceans, — or that they were conveyed hither by balloons, as modern aero- nauts pass from Dover to Calais, — or by witch- craft, as Simon Magus posted among the stars, — or after the manner of the renowned Scyth- ian Abaris, who, like the New England witches on full-blooded broomsticks, made most unheard- of journeys on the back of a golden arrow, given him by the Hyperborean Apollo. But there is still one mode left by which this country could have been peopled, which I have reserved for the last, because I consider it worth all the rest : it is — by accident ! Speaking of the islands of Solomon, New Guinea, and New Holland, the profound Father Charlevoix ob- serves, "in fine, all these countries are peopled, and it is possible some have been so by accident. Now if it could have happened in that manner, why might it not have been at the same time, and by the same means with the other parts of 7^ Ibietori? of Bew l^ork the globe? " This ingenious mode of deducing certain conclusions from possible premises is an improvement in syllogistic skill, and proves the good father superior even to Archimedes, for he can turn the world without any thing to rest his lever upon. It is only surpassed by the dex- terity with which the sturdy old Jesuit, in an- other place, cuts the gordian knot: — "Noth- ing," says he, "is more easy. The inhabitants of both hemispheres are certainly the descend- ants of the same father. The common father of mankind received an express order from Heaven to people the world, and accor'dingly it has been peopled. To bring this about, it was necessary to overcome all difl&culties in the way, and they have also been overcome!'''' Pious logician ! How does he put all the herd of laborious theorists to the blush, by explaining, in five words, what it has cost them volumes to prove they knew nothing about ! From all the authorities here quoted, and a variety of others which I have consulted, but which are omitted through fear of fatiguing the unlearned reader, I can only draw the following conclusions, which luckily, however, are suflB- cient for my purpose. First, that this part of the world has actually been peopled {^. E). D.), to support which we have living proofs in the numerous tribes of Indians that inhabit it. Concru5(v>c iproofs 73 Secondly, that it has been peopled in five hundred different ways, ns proved by a cloud of authors who, from the positiveness of their assertions, seem to have been eye-witnesses to the fact. Thirdly, that the people of this coun- try had a variety of fathers, which, as it may not be thought much to their credit by the common run of readers, the less we say on the subject the better. The question, therefore, I trust, is forever at rest. CHAPTER V. IN WHICH THE AUTHOR PUTS A MIGHTY QUES- TION TO THE ROUT, BY THE ASSISTANCE OF THE MAN IN THE MOON — WHICH NOT ONI.Y DEIvIVERS THOUSANDS OE PEOPI^E FROM GREAT EMBARRASSMENT, BUT I^IKEWISE CONCI^UDES THIS INTRODUCTORY BOOK. THE writer of a history may, in some respects, be likened unto an adventurous knight, who, having undertaken a perilous enterprise by way of establishing his fame, feels bound, in honor and chivalry, to turn back for no diffi- culty nor hardship, and never to shrink or quail, whatever enemy he may encounter. Under this impression, I resolutely draw my pen, and fall to, with might and main, at those doughty questions and subtle paradoxes which, like fiery dragons and bloody giants, beset the en- trance to my history', and would fain repulse me from the very threshold. And at this moment B Gigantic Question 75 a gigantic question has started up, which I must needs take by the beard and utterly subdue, be- fore I can advance another step in my historic undertaking ; but I trust this will be the last adversary I shall have to contend with, and that in the next book I shall be enabled to conduct my readers in triumph into the body of my work. The question that has thus suddenly arisen is, What right had the first discoverers of America to land and take possession of a coun- try-, without first gaining the consent of its inhabitants, or yielding them an adequate com- pensation for their territory ? — a question which has withstood many fierce assaults, and has given much distress of mind to multitudes of kind-hearted folk. And indeed, until it be totally vanquished, and put to rest, the worthy people of America can by no means enjoy the soil they inhabit, with clear right and title, and quiet, unsullied consciences. The first source of right, by which property is acquired in a country, is discovery. For as all mankind have an equal right to any thing which has never before been appropriated, so any nation that discovers an uninhabited coun- try, and takes possession thereof, is considered as enjoying full property, and absolute, unques- tionable empire therein.* * Grotius. PufFendorff, b. v., c. 4. Vattel, b. i., c. iS, etc. 76 Ibfstor^ of 1Rew J^ork This proposition being admitted, it follows clearly, that the Europeans who first visited America were the real discoverers of the same ; nothing being necessary to the establishment of this fact, but simply to prove that it was totally uninhabited by man. This would at first appear to be a point of some difficulty, for it is well known that this quarter of the world abounded with certain animals, that walked erect on two feet, had something of the human countenance, uttered certain unintelligible sounds, very much like language, — in short, had a marv^ellous resemblance to human be- ings. But the zealous and enlightened fathers, w^ho accompanied the discoverers, for the pur- pose of promoting the kingdom of heaven by establishing fat monasteries and bishoprics on earth, soon cleared up this point, greatly to the satisfaction of his holiness the pope, and of all Christian voyagers and discoverers. They plainly proved, and as there were no In- dian writers arose on the other side, the fact was considered as fully admitted and estab- lished, that the two-legged race of animals be- fore mentioned were mere cannibals, detestable monsters, and many of them giants, — which last description of vagrants have, since the times of Gog, Magog, and Goliath, been consid- ered as outlaws, and have received no quarter in ^be aborigines 77 either history, chivalry, or song. Indeed, even the philosophic Bacon declared the Americans to be people proscribed by the laws of nature, inasmuch as they had a barbarous custom of sacrificing men, and feeding upon man's flesh. Nor are these all the proofs of their utter barbarism : among many other writers of dis- cernment, Ulloa tells us " their imbecility is so visible, that one can hardly form an idea of them different from what one has of the brutes. Nothing disturbs the tranquillity of their souls, equally insensible to disasters and to prosperity. Though half naked, they are as contented as a monarch in his most splendid array. Fear makes no impression on them, and respect as little." All this is furthermore supported by the authority of M, Bouguer. " It is not easy," says he, * ' to describe the degree of their indif- ference for wealth and all its advantages. One does not well know what motives to propose to them when one would persuade them to any ser- vice. It is vain to offer them money ; they answer they are not hungry. " And Vanegas confirms the whole, assuring us that ** ambition they have none, and are more desirous of being thought strong than valiant. The objects of ambition with us— honor, fame, reputation, riches, posts, and distinctions — are unknown among them. So that this powerful spring of action, the 78 1bi6tor^ ot IRew l)ork cause of so much seeming good and real evil in the world, has no power over them. In a word, these unhappy mortals may be compared to children in whom the development of reason is not completed." Now all these peculiarities, although in the most unenlightened states of Greece they would have entitled their possessors to immortal honor, as having reduced to practice those rigid and abstemious maxims, the mere talking about which acquired certain old Greeks the reputa- tion of sages and philosophers, — yet, were they clearly proved in the present instance to be- token a most abject and brutified nature totally beneath the human character. But the benevo- lent fathers, who had undertaken to turn these unhappy savages into dumb beasts, by dint of argument, advanced still stronger proofs ; for, as certain divines of the sixteenth century, and among the rest Lullus, affirm, — the Americans go naked, and have no beards ! "They have nothing," says Lullus, " of the reasonable animal except the mask." And even that mask was allowed to avail them but little, for it was soon found that the}" were of a hideous copper com- plexion ; and being of a copper complexion, it was all the same as if they were negroes : and negroes are black, — "and black," said the pious fathers, devoutly crossing themselves, "is the ^be Tnigbt ot ©iscover^ 79 color of the Devil ! ' ' Therefore, so far from being able to own property, they had no right even to personal freedom ; for liberty is too radi- ant a deity to inhabit such gloomy temples. All which circumstances plainly convinced the righteous followers of Cortes and Pizarro, that these miscreants had no title to the soil that they infested, — that they were a perverse illiter- ate, dumb, beardless, black-seed, — mere wild beasts of the forests, and like them should either be subdued or exterminated. From the foregoing arguments, therefore, and a variety of others equally conclusive, which I forbear to enumerate, it is clearly evident that this fair quarter of the globe, when first visited by Europeans, was a howling wilderness, inhab- ited by nothing but wild beasts ; and that the transatlantic visitors acquired an incontroverti- ble property therein by the rig-/ii of discovery. This right being fully established, we now come to the next, which is the right acquired by cultivation. "The cultivation of the soil," we are told, is an obligation imposed by nature on mankind. The whole world is appointed for the nourishment of its inhabitants ; but it would be incapable of doing it, was it unculti- vated. Every nation is then obliged by the law of nature to cultivate the ground that has fallen to its share. Those people, like the an- 8o l)istor^ of IRew l^orU cient Germans and modern Tartars, who, hav- ing fertile countries, disdain to cultivate the earth, and choose to live by rapine, are wanting to themselves, and deserve to be extermifiated as savage and pernicious beasts."^ Now, it is notorious that the savages knew nothing of agriculture, when first discovered by the Europeans, but lived a most vagabond, dis- orderly, unrighteous life, — rambling from place to place, and prodigally rioting upon the spon- taneous luxuries of nature, without tasking her generosity to yield them any thing more ; whereas, it has been most unquestionably shown, that Heaven intended the earth should be ploughed and sown, and manured, and laid out into cities, and towns, and farms, and country-seats, and pleasure-grounds, and pub- lic gardens ; all of which the Indians knew nothing about : therefore, they did not improve the talents Providence had bestowed on them : therefore, they were careless stewards : there- fore they had no right to the soil : therefore, they deserved to be exterminated. It is true, the savages might plead that they drew all the benefits from the land which their simple wants required, — they found plenty of game to hunt, which, together with the roots and uncultivated fruits of the earth, furnished a suffi- * Vattel, b. i., ch. 17. Cbe TRigbt bg Cultivation 8i cient variety for their frugal repasts, — and that, as Heaven merely designed the earth to form the abode, and satisfy the wants of man, so long as those purposes were answered, the will of Hea- ven was accomplished. But this only proves how undeserving they were of the blessings around them : they were so much the more savages, for not having more wants ; for knowledge is in some degree an increase of desires ; and it is this superiority, both in the number and mag- nitude of his desires, that distinguishes the man from the beast. Therefore the Indians, in not having more wants, were very unreason- able animals ; and it was but just that they should make way for the Europeans, who had a thousand wants to their one, and, therefore, would turn the earth to more account, and, by cultivating it, more truly fulfil the will of Heaven. Besides — Grotius, and Lauterbach, and Puffendorff, and Titius, and many wise men beside, who have considered the matter properly, have determined that the property of a country cannot be acquired by hunting, cut- ting wood, or drawing water in it — nothing but precise demarcation of limits, and the inten- tion of cultivation, can establish the possession. Now, as the savages (probably from never hav- ing read the authors above quoted) had never complied with any of these necessary forms, it S2 Ibistor^ ot IRevv ^ovk plainly follows that they had no right to the soil, but that it was completely at the disposal of the first comers, who had more knowledge, more wants, and more elegant, that is to say, artifi- cial desires than themselves. In entering upon a newly discovered, uncul- tivated countr)', therefore, the new-comers were but taking possession of what, according to the aforesaid doctrine, was their own property ; therefore, in opposing them, the savages were invading their just rights, infringing the immu- table laws of nature, and counteracting the will of Heaven ; therefore, they were guilty of impi- ety, burglary, and trespass on the case ; there- fore, they were hardened offenders against God and man : therefore, they ought to be exter- minated. But a more irresistible right than either that I have mentioned, and one which will be the most readily admitted by my reader, provided he be blessed with bowels of charity and phil- anthropy, is the right acquired by civilization. All the world knows the lamentable state in which these poor savages were found. Not only deficient in the comforts of life, but what is still worse, most piteously and unfortunately blind to the miseries of their situation. But no sooner did the benevolent inhabitants of Europe behold their sad condition, than thev immedi- Ibelping tbe Savages 83 ately went to work to ameliorate and improve it. They introduced among them rum, gin, brandy, and the other comforts of life, — and it is astonishing to read how soon the poor sav- ages learned to estimate those blessings ; they likewise made known to them a thousand reme- dies, by which the most inveterate diseases are alleviated and healed ; and that they might comprehend the benefits and enjoy the comforts of these medicines, they previously introduced among them the diseases which they were cal- culated to cure. By these and a variety of other methods was the condition of these poor savages wonderfully improved ; they acquired a thousand wants, of which they had before been ignorant ; and as he has most sources of happiness who has most wants to be gratified, they were doubt- lessly rendered a much happier race of beings. But the most important branch of civilization, and which has most strenuously been extolled by the zealous and pious fathers of the Romish Church, is the introduction of the Christian faith. It was truly a sight that might well in- spire horror, to behold these savages tumbling among the dark mountains of paganism, and guilty of the most horrible ignorance of religion. It is true, they neither stole nor defrauded ; they were sober, frugal, content, and faithful to their word ; but though they acted right habitually, 84 Ibietors ot 1Flew ^oxk it was all in vain, unless they acted so from pre- cept. The new-comers, therefore, used every method to induce them to embrace and practise the true religion, — except indeed that of setting them the example. But notwithstanding all these complicated labors for their good, such was the unparalleled obstinacy of these stubborn wretches, that they ungratefully refused to acknowledge the stran- gers as their benefactors, and persisted in dis- believing the doctrines they endeavored to inculcate ; most insolently alleging, that, from their conduct, the advocates of Christianity did not seem to believe in it themselves. Was not this too much for human patience ? — would not one suppose that the benign visitants from Europe, provoked at their incredulity, and dis- couraged by their stiff-necked obstinacy, would forever have abandoned their shores, and con- signed them to their original ignorance and misery ? But no : so zealous were they to effect the temporal comfort and eternal salvation of these pagan infidels, that they even proceeded from the milder means of persuasion to the more painful and troublesome one of persecu- tion, — let loose among them whole troops of fiery monks and furious bloodhounds, — purified them by fire and sword, by stake and fagot ; in consequence of which indefatigable measures Gbrietian Gbaritg S5 the cause of Christian love and charity was so rapidly advanced, that in a few years not one fifth of the number of unbelievers existed in South America that were found there at the time of its disco verv\ WTiat stronger right need the European set- tlers advance to the country than this ? Have not whole nations of uninformed savages been made acquainted with a thousand imperious wants and indispensable comforts, of which they were before wholly ignorant? Have they not been literally hunted and smoked out of the dens and lurking-places of ignorance and infi- delity, and absolutely scourged into the right path ? Have not the temporal things, the vain baubles and filthy lucre of this world, which were too apt to engage their worldly and selfish thoughts, been benevolently taken from them ; and have they not, instead thereof, been taught to set their affections on things above? And finally, to use the words of a reverend Spanish father, in a letter to his superior in Spain, — ' ' Can any one have the presumption to say that these savage pagans have yielded any thing more than an inconsiderable recompense to their benefactors, in surrendering to them a little pitiful tract of this dirty sublunary planet in exchange for a glorious inheritance in the king- dom of heaven ? " 86 tbistorg ot 1Rcw )^ovk Here, then, are three complete and undenia- ble sources of right established, any one of which was more than ample to establish a property in the newly discovered regions of America. Now, so it has happened in certain parts of this delightful quarter of the globe, that the right of discovery has been so strenuously asserted, the influence of cultivation so indus- triously extended, and the progress of salvation and civilization so zealously prosecuted, that, what with their attendant w^ars, persecutions, oppressions, diseases, and other partial evils that often hang on the skirts of great benefits, the savage aborigines have, somehow or other, been utterly annihilated ; — and this all at once brings me to a fourth right, which is worth all the others put together. For the original claimants to the soil being all dead and buried, and no one remaining to inherit or dispute the soil, the Spaniards, as the next immediate occu- pants, entered upon the possession as clearly as the hangman succeeds to the clothes of the malefactor ; and as they have Blackstone,* and all the learned expounders of the law on their side, they may set all actions of ejectment at de- fiance ; — and this last right may be entitled the RIGHT BY EXTERMINATION, or, iu Other words, the RIGHT BY GUNPOWDER. *B1. Com., b. ii., c. i. tibe TRigbt of ip»roperts 87 But lest any scruples of conscience should re- main on this head, and to settle the question of right forever, his holiness Pope Alexander VI. issued a bull, by which he generously granted the newly discovered quarter of the globe to the Spaniards and Portuguese ; who, thus having law and gospel on their side, and being inflamed with great spiritual zeal, showed the pagan sav- ages neither favor nor affection, but prosecuted the work of discovery, colonization, civilization, and extermination with ten times more fury than ever. Thus were the European worthies who first discovered America clearly entitled to the soil ; and not only entitled to the soil, but likewise to the eternal thanks of these infidel savages, for having come so far, endured so many perils by sea and land, and taken such unwearied pains, for no other purpose but to improve their for- lorn, unci\'ilized, and heathenish condition, — for haring made them acquainted with the com- forts of life, — forharing introduced among them the light of religion, — and, finally, for having hurried them out of the world, to enjoy its re- ward ! But as argument is never so well understood by us selfish mortals as when it comes home to ourselves, and as I am particularly anxious that this question should be put to rest forever, I will 88 Ibistors of mew l^ork suppose a parallel case, by way of arousing the candid attention of my readers. Let us suppose, then, that the inhabitants of the moon, by astonishing advancement in sci- ence, and by profound insight into that lunar philosophy, the mere flickerings of which have of late years dazzled the feeble optics, and ad- dled the shallow brains of the good people of our globe, — let us suppose, I say, that the inhabi- tants of the moon, by these means, had arrived at such a command of their energies, such an enviable state oi perfectibility, as to control the elements, and navigate the boundless regions of space. Let us suppose a roving crew of these soaring philosophers, in the course of an aerial voyage of discovery among the stars, should chance to alight upon this outlandish planet. And here I beg my readers w411 not have the uncharitableness to smile, as is too frequently the fault of volatile readers, when perusing the grave speculations of philosophers. I am far from indulging in any sportive vein at present ; nor is the supposition I have been making so wild as many may deem it. It has long been a very serious and anxious question with me, and many a time and oft, in the course of my over- whelming cares and contrivances for the welfare and protection of this my native planet, have I lain awake whole nights debating in my mind, B Speculation 89 whether it were most probable we should first discover and civilize the moon, or the moon dis- cover and civilize our globe. Neither would the prodigv' of sailing in the air and cruising among the stars be a whit more astonishing and incom- prehensible to us than was the European mys- tery- of navigating floating castles, through the world of waters, to the simple natives. We have already discovered the art of coasting along the aerial shores of our planet, by means of bal- loons, as the savages had of venturing along their sea-coasts in canoes ; and the disparity be- tween the former and the aerial vehicles of the philosophers from the moon might not be greater than that between the bark canoes of the savages and the mighty ships of their dis- coverers. I might here pursue an endless chain of similar speculations ; but as they would be unimportant to my subject, I abandon them to my reader, particularly if he be a philosopher, as matters well worthy of his attentive consid- eration. To return, then, to my supposition ; — let us suppose that the aerial visitants I have men- tioned, possessed of vastly superior knowledge to ourselves ; that is to say, possessed of supe- rior knowledge in the art of extermination, — riding on hyppogriffs, — defended with impene- trable armor, — armed with concentrated sun- go Ibistorg of IWcvv J^orfe beams, and provided with vast engines, to hurl enormous moon-stones : in short, let us suppose them, if our vanity will permit the supposition, as superior to us in knowledge, and conse- quently in power, as the Europeans were to the Indians, when they first discovered them. All this is very possible ; it is only our self-sufiB- ciency that makes us think otherwise ; and I warrant the poor savages, before they had any knowledge of the white men, armed in all the terrors of glittering steel and tremendous gun- powder, were as perfectly convinced that they themselves were the wisest, the most virtuous, powerful, and perfect of created beings, as are, at this present moment, the lordly inhabitants of old England, the volatile populace of France, or even the self-satisfied citizens of this most enlightened republic. Let us suppose, moreover, that the aerial voy- agers, finding this planet to be nothing but a howling wilderness, inhabited by us, poor sav- ages and wild beasts, shall take formal posses- sion of it, in the name of his most gracious and philosophic excellency, the man in the moon. Finding, however, that their numbers are in- competent to hold it in complete subjection, on account of the ferocious barbarity of its inhabi- tants, they shall take our worthy President, the King of England, the Emperor of Hayti, the trbe /IRan in tbc ^oon 91 mighty Bonaparte, and the great King of Ban- tam, and returning to their native planet, shall can:y them to court, as were the Indian chiefs led about as spectacles in the courts of Europe. Then making such obeisance as the etiquette of the court requires, they shall address the puis- sant man in the moon, in, as near as I can con- jecture, the following terms : — " Most serene and mighty Potentate, whose dominions extend as far as eye can reach, who rideth on the Great Bear, useth the sun as a looking-glass, and maintaineth unrivalled con- trol over tides, madmen, and sea-crabs. We, thy liege subjects, have just returned from a voyage of discovery, in the course of which we have landed and taken possession of that ob- scure little dirty planet, which thou beholdest rolling at a distance. The five uncouth monsters, which we have brought into this august pres- ence, were once very important chiefs among their fellow-savages, who are a race of beings totally destitute of the common attributes of humanity- ; and differing in every thing from the inhabitants of the moon, inasmuch as they carry their heads upon their shoulders, instead of under their arms, — have two eyes instead of one, — are utterly destitute of tails, and of a variety of unseemly complexions, particularly of horrible whiteness instead of pea-green. c)i •fcistorg of 1ftew HJorFi "We have, moreover, found these miserable savages sunk into a state of the utmost igno- rance and depravity, every man shamelessly living with his own wife, and rearing his own children, instead of indulging in that commu- nity of wives enjoined by the law of nature, as expounded by the philosophers of the moon. In a word, they have scarcely a gleam of true philosophy among them, but are, in fact, utter heretics, ignoramuses, and barbarians. Taking compassion, therefore, on the sad conditon of these sublunary wretches, we have endeavored, while we remained on their planet, to introduce among them the light of reason, and the com- forts of the moon. We have treated them to mouthfuls of moonshine, and draughts of ni- trous oxide, which they swallowed with incredi- ble voracity, particularly the females ; and we have likewise endeavored to instil into them the precepts of lunar philosophy. We have insisted upon their renouncing the contemptible shackles of religion and common-sense, and adoring the profound, omnipotent, and all-perfect energj-, and the ecstatic, immutable, immovable perfec- tion. But such was the unparalleled obstinacy of these wretched savages, that they persisted in cleaving to their wives, and adhering to their religion, and absolutely set at naught the sub- lime doctrines of the moon, — nay, among other ^be /iRan In tbe /llboon 93 abominable heresies, they even went so far as blasphemously to declare that this ineffable planet was made of nothing more nor less than green cheese ! " At these words the great man in the moon (being a very profound philosopher) shall fall into a terrible passion, and possessing equal au- thority over things that do not belong to him, as did whilom his holiness the Pope, shall forth- with issue a formidable bull, specifying "That, whereas a certain crew of lunatics have lately discovered, and taken possession of a newly dis- covered planet called t/ie earth ; and that, where- as it is inhabited by none but a race of two- legged animals that carry their heads on their shoulders instead of under their arms, cannot talk the lunatic language, have two eyes instead of one, are destitute of tails, and of a horrible whiteness, instead of pea-green, — therefore, and for a variety of other excellent reasons, they are considered incapable of possessing any property in the planet they infest, and the right and title to it are confirmed to its orginal discoverers. And furthermore, the colonists who are now about to depart to the aforesaid planet are au- thorized and commanded to use every means to convert these infidel savages from the darkness of Christianity, and make them thorough and absolute lunatics." 94 fbietov^ of IRew l^ork In consequence of this benevolent bull, our philosophic benefactors go to work with hearty zeal. They seize upon our fertile territories, scourge us from our rightful possessions, re- lieve us from our wives ; and when we are un- reasonable enough to complain, they will turn upon us and say : Miserable barbarians ! un- grateful wretches ! have we not come thousands of miles to improve your worthless planet ; have we not fed you with moonshine ; have we not intoxicated you with nitrous oxide ; does not our moon give you light everj- night ; and have you the baseness to murmur when we claim a pitiful return for all these benefits ? But finding that we not only persist in absolute contempt of their reasoning and disbelief in their philos- ophy, but even go so far as daringly to defend our property, their patience shall be exhausted, and they shall resort to their superior powers of argument : hunt us with hyppogriffs, transfix us with concentrated sunbeams, demolish our cities with moon-stones ; until ha^nng, by main force, converted us to the true faith, they shall graciously permit us to exist in the torrid deserts of Arabia, or the frozen regions of Lapland, there to enjoy the blessings of civilization and the charms of lunar philosophy, in much the same manner as the reformed and enlightened sav- ages of this country are kindly suffered to in- ^bc IRiabt iproveD 95 habit the inhospitable forests of the north, or the impenetrable wildernesses of South America. Thus, I hope, I have clearly proved, and strik- ingly illustrated, the right of the early colonists to the possession of this country ; and thus is this gigantic question completely vanquished : so, having manfully surmounted all obstacles, and subdued all opposition, what remains but that I should forthwith conduct my readers into the city which we have been so long in a manner besieging ? But hold ; before I proceed another step, I must pause to take breath, and recover from the excessive fatigue I have under- gone, in preparing to begin this most accurate of histories. And in this I do but imitate the example of a renowned Dutch tumbler of an- tiquity, who took a start of three miles for the purpose of jumping over a hill, but having run himself out of breath by the time he reached the foot, sat himself quietly down for a few mo- ments to blow% and then walked over it at his leisure. BOOK II. TREATING OF THE FIRST SETTI^EMENT OF THE PROVINCE OF NIEUW-NEDERIi6tov^ Of mew IJorfe his school-fellow, Robert Juet, which does such vast credit to their experimental philosophy, that I cannot refrain from inserting it. "Our master and his mate determined to try some of the chiefe men of the countrey, whether they had any treacherie in them. So they tooke them downe into the cabin, and gave them so much wine and aqua vitae, that they were all merrie ; and one of them had his wife with him, which sate so modestly, as any of our countrey women would do in a strange place. In the end, one of them was drunke, which had been aborde of our ship all the time that we had been there, and that was strange to them, for they could not tell how to take it." * Having satisfied himself by this ingenious experiment that the natives were an honest, social race of jolly roysters, who had no objec- tion to a drinking-bout, and were very merry in their cups, the old commodore chuckled hugely to himself, and thrusting a double quid of to- bacco in his cheek, directed Master Juet to have it carefully recorded, for the satisfaction of all the natural philosophers of the University of Leyden, — which done, he proceeded on his voy- age, with great self-complacency. After sailing, however, above a hundred miles up the river, he found the watery world around him began * Juet's Jour., Purch. Pil. IRcturn to IbollanC) 109 to grow more shallow and confined, the current more rapid, and perfectly fresh, — phenomena not uncommon in the ascent of rivers, but which puzzled the honest Dutchmen prodigious- ly. A consultation was therefore called, and having deliberated full six hours, they were brought to a determination by the ship's run- ning aground, — whereupon they unanimously concluded that there was but little chance of getting to China in this direction. A boat, however, was despatched to explore higher up the river, which, on its return, confirmed the opinion ; upon this the ship was warped off and put about, with great difficulty, being, like most of her sex, exceedingly hard to govern ; and the adventurous Hudson, according to the account of my great-great-grandfather, returned down the river — with a prodigious flea in his ear ! Being satisfied that there was little likelihood of getting to China, unless, like the blind man, he returned from whence he set out, and took a fresh start, he forthwith recrossed the sea to Holland, where he was received with great wel- come by the honorable East India Company, who were very much rejoiced to see him come back safe — with their ship ; and at a large and respectable meeting of the first merchants and burgomasters of Amsterdam, it was unanimously determined that, as a munificent reward for Ibistorg of mew l^ork the eminent services he had performed, and the important discovery he had made, the great river Mohegan should be called after his name ! — and it continues to be called Hudson River unto this very day. CHAPTER II. CONTAINING AN ACCOUNT OF A MIGHTY ARK WHICH FLOATED, UNDER THE PROTECTION OF ST. NICHOI,AS, FROM HOI^LAND TO GIBBET ISI^AND; the DESCENT OF THE STRANGE ANIMALS THEREFROM ; A GREAT VICTORY, AND A DESCRIPTION OF THE ANCIENT VIL- LAGE OF COMMUNIPAW. THE delectable accounts given by the great Hudson and Master Juet, of the country they had discovered, excited not a little talk and speculation among the good people of Hol- land. Letters-patent were granted by govern- ment to an association of merchants, called the West India Company, for the exclusive trade on Hudson River, on which they erected a trad- ing-house, called Fort Aurania, or Orange, from whence did spring the great city of Albany. But I forbear to dwell on the various commer- cial and colonizing enterprises which took place, — among which was that of Mynheer Ad- Ibistoris of Bew lorft rian Block, who discovered and gave a name to Block Island, since famous for its cheese, — and shall barely confine myself to that which gave birth to this renowned city. It was some three or fom- years after the re- turn of the immortal Hendrick, that a crew of honest, Low-Dutch colonists set sail from the city of Amsterdam for the shores of America. It is an irreparable loss to history, and a great proof of the darkness of the age, and the lamen- table neglect of the noble art of book-making, since so industrially cultivated by knowing sea- captains, and learned supercargoes, that an ex- pedition so interesting and important in its results should be passed over in utter silence. To my great-great-grandfather am I again in- debted for the few facts I am enabled to give concerning it, — he having once more embarked for this country, with a full determination, as he said, of ending his days here, and of beget- ting a race of Knickerbockers that should rise to be great men in the land. The ship in which these illustrious adventur- ers set sail was called the Goede Vrouw, or good woman, in compliment to the wife of the Presi- dent of the West India Company, who was al- lowed by ever)'body (except her husband) to be a sweet-tempered lady — when not in liquor. It was in truth a most gallant vessel, of the most Zbc '*(5oc^c Drouw*' 113 approved Dutch construction, and made by the ablest ship-carpenters of Amsterdam, who, it is well known, always model their ships after the fair forms of their countrj'women. Accordingly, it had one hundred feet in the beam, one hun- dred feet in the keel, and one hundred feet from the bottom of the stern-post to the tafiferel. Like the* beauteous model, who was declared to be the greatest belle in Amsterdam, it was full in the bows, with a pair of enormous cat-heads, a copper bottom, and withal a most prodigious poop ! The architect, who was somewhat of a reli- gious man, far from decorating the ship with pagan idols, such as Jupiter, Neptune, or Hercu- les (which heathenish abominations, I have no doubt, occasion the misfortunes and shipwreck of many a noble vessel), — he, I say on the con- trar\-, did laudably erect for a head, a goodly image of St. Nicholas, equipped with a low, broad-brimmed hat, a huge pair of Flemish trunk-hose, and a pipe that reached to the end of the bowsprit. Thus gallantly furnished, the stanch ship floated sideways, like a majestic goose, out of the harbor of the great city of Amsterdam, and all the bells, that were not otherwise engaged, rang a triple bobmajor on the joyful occasion. My great-great-grandfather remarks, that the 114 1bi3tori2 of IRew l^orft voyage was uncommonly prosperous, for, being under the especial care of the ever-revered St. Nicholas, the Goede Vrouw seemed to be en- dowed with qualities unknown to common ves- sels. Thus she made as much leeway as head- way, could get along very nearly as fast with the wind ahead as when it was a-poop, — and was particularly great in a calm ; in conse- quence of which singular advantages she made out to accomplish her voyage in a very few months, and came to anchor at the mouth of the Hudson, a little to the east of Gibbet Island. Here, lifting up their eyes, they beheld, on what is at present called the Jersey shore, a small Indian village, pleasantly embowered in a grove of spreading elms, and the natives all collected on the beach, gazing in stupid admira- tion at the Goede Vroiiw. A boat was imme- diately despatched to enter into a treaty with them, and approaching the shore, hailed them through a trumpet, in the most friendly terms ; but so horribly confounded were these poor savages at the tremendous and uncouth sound of the Ivow-Dutch language, that they one and all took to their heels, and scampered over the Bergen hills ; nor did they stop until they had buried themselves, head and ears, in the marshes on the other side, where they all miser- B (Brcat Dictori^ 115 ably perished to a man ; — and their bones, being collected and decently covered by the Tammany Society of that day, formed that singular mound called Rattlesnake Hill, which rises out of the centre ot the salt marshes a little to the east of the Newark Causeway. Animated by this unlooked for \4ctor}', our valiant heroes sprang ashore in triumph, took possession of the soil as conquerors, in the name of their High Mightinesses the Lords States- General ; and, marching fearlessly forward, car- ried the village of Communipaw by storm, not- withstanding that it was vigorously defended by some half a score of old squaws and pa- pooses. On looking about them they were so transported with the excellencies of the place, that they had very little doubt the blessed St. Nicholas had guided them thither, as the \ery spot whereon to settle their colony. The soft- ness of the soil was wonderfully adapted to the driving of piles ; the swamps and marshes around them afforded ample opportunities for the constructing of dykes and dams ; the shal- lowness of the shore was peculiarly favorable to the building of docks ; — in a word, this spot abounded with all the requisites for the founda- tion of a great Dutch city On making a faith- ful report, therefore, to the crew of the Goede Vrouzv, thev one and all determined that this ii6 1bi6tors ot IRevv l^orh was the destined end of their voyage. Accord- ingly they descended from the Goede Vrouw, men, women, and children, in goodly groups, as did the animals of yore from the ark, and formed themselves into a thriving settlement, which they called by the Indian name Commu- NIPAW. As all the world is doubtless perfectly ac- quainted with Communipaw, it may seem some- what superfluous to treat of it in the present work ; but my readers will please to recollect, notwithstanding it is my chief desire to satisfy the present age, yet I write likewise for pos- terity, and have to consult the understanding and curiosity of some half a score of centuries yet to come, by which time perhaps, were it not for this invaluable history, the great Communi- paw, like Babylon, Carthage, Nineveh, and other great cities, might be perfectly extinct, — sunk and forgotten in its own mud, — its inhabi- tants turned into oysters,* and even its situation a fertile subject of learned controversy and hard- headed investigation among indefatigable his- torians. Let me then piously rescue from obliv- ion the humble relics of a place, which was the egg from whence was hatched the mighty city of New York ! Communipaw is at present but a small village, * Men by inaction degenerate into oysters. — Kaimes. Communipaw "UcgtocB 117 pleasantly situated, among rural scenery, on that beauteous part of the Jersey shore which was known in ancient legends by the name of Pa- vonia,* and commands a grand prospect of the superb bay of New York. It is within but half an hour's sail of the latter place, provided you have a fair wind, and may be distinctly seen from the city. Nay, it is a well-known fact, which I can testify from my own experience, that on a clear, still summer evening, you may hear, from the Battery of New York, the ob- streperous peals of broad-mouthed laughter of the Dutch negroes at Communipaw, w^ho, like most other negroes, are famous for their risible powers. This is peculiarly the case on Sunday evenings, when, it is remarked by an ingenious and observant philosopher, who has made great discoveries in the neighborhood of this city, that they always laugh loudest, which he attrib- utes to the circumstance of their having their holiday clothes on. These negroes, in fact, like the monks of the dark ages, engross all the knowledge of the place, and being infinitely more adventurous and more knowing than their masters, carry on all the foreign trade ; making frequent voyages to town in canoes loaded with oysters, butter- * Pavonia, in the ancient maps, is given to a tract of country extending from about Hoboken to Amboy. Ti8 1bi6tor^ ot Iftew l^ork milk, and cabbages. They are great astrologers, predicting the different changes of weather almost as accurately as an almanac ; they are moreover exquisite performers on three-stringed fiddles ; in whistling they almost boast the far- famed powers of Orpheus' lyre, for not a horse or an ox in the place, when at the plough or before the wagon, will budge a foot until he hears the well-known whistle of his black driver and companion ; and from their amaz- ing skill at casting up accounts upon their fin- gers, they are regarded with as much veneration as were the disciples of Pythagoras of yore, when initiated into the sacred quaternary of numbers. As to the honest burghers of Communipaw, like wise men and sound philosophers, they never look beyond their pipes, nor trouble their heads about any affairs out of their immediate neighborhood ; so that the}' live in profound and enviable ignorance of all the troubles, anx- ieties, and revolutions of this distracted planet. I am even told that many among them do verily believe that Holland, of which they have heard so much from tradition, is situated somewhere on Long Island, — that Spikmg-devil and the Narrows are the two ends of the world, — that the country is still under the dominion of their High Mightinesses, — and that the city of New Communfpavv ng York still goes by the name of Nieuw Amster- dam. They meet every Saturday afternoon at the only tavern in the place, which bears as a sign a square-headed likeness of the Prince of Orange, where they smoke a silent pipe, by way of promoting social con\iviality, and invariably drink a mug of cider to the success of Admiral Van Tromp, who they imagine is still sweeping the British Channel, with a broom at his mast- head. Communipaw, in short, is one of the numer- ous little villages in the vicinity of this most beautiful of cities, which are so many strong- holds and fastnesses, whither the primitive manners of our Dutch forefathers have retreated, and where they are cherished with devout and scrupulous strictness. The dress of the original settlers is handed down in\'iolate, from father to son : the identical broad-brimmed hat, broad- skirted coat, and broad-bottomed breeches, con- tinue from generation to generation ; and sev- eral gigantic knee-buckles of massy silver are still in wear, that made gallant display in the days of the patriarchs of Communipaw. The language likewise continues unadulterated by barbarous innovations ; and so critically correct is the village schoolmaster in his dialect, that his reading of a Low-Dutch psalm has much the same effect on the nerves as the filing of a hand-saw. CHAPTER III. IN WHICH IS SET FORTH THE) TRUE ART OF MAKING A BARGAIN, TOGETHER WITH THE MIRACUI.OUS ESCAPE OF A GREAT METROPO- I.IS IN A FOG, AND THE BIOGRAPHY OF CER- TAIN HEROES OF COMMUNIPAW. HAVING, in the trifling digression which concluded the last chapter, discharged the filial duty which the city of New York owed to Communipaw, as being the mother settlement, and having given a faithful picture of it as it stands at present, I return with a soothing senti- ment of self-approbation, to dwell upon its early history. The crew of the Goede Vroiiw being soon reinforced by fresh importations from Holland, the settlement went jollily on, increas- ing in magnitude and prosperity. The neigh- boring Indians in a short time became accus- tomed to the uncouth sound of the Dutch language, and an intercourse gradually took H)utcb meigbte 121 place between them and the new-comers. The Indians were much given to long talks, and the Dutch to long silence ; — in this particular, there- fore, they accommodated each other completely. The chiefs would make long speeches about the big bull, the Wabash, and the Great Spirit, to which the others would listen very attentively, smoke their pipes, and grunt yah, myn-her, — whereat the poor savages were wondrously de- lighted. They instructed the new settlers in the best art of curing and smoking tobacco, while the latter, in return, made them drunk with true Hollands — and then taught them the art of making bargains. A brisk trade for furs was soon opened ; the Dutch traders were scrupulously honest in their dealings, and purchased by weight, establishing it as an invariable table of avoirdupois, that the hand of a Dutchman weighed one pound, and his foot two pounds. It is true, the simple In- dians were often puzzled by the great dispropor- tion between bulk and weight, for let them place a bundle of furs, ever so large, in one scale, and a Dutchman put his hand or foot in the other, the bundle was sure to kick the beam ; — never was a package of furs known to weigh more than two pounds in the market of Com- munipaw ! This is a singular fact, — but I have it direct 122 Ibistori^ of IRew ll)orfi from my great-great-grandfather, -who had risen to considerable importance in the colony, being promoted to the office of weigh-master, on ac- count of the uncommon heaviness of his foot. The Dutch possessions in this part of the globe began now to assume a very thriving appear- ance, and were comprehended under the gen- eral title of Nieuw Nederlandts, on account, as the sage Vander Donck observes, of their great resemblance to the Dutch Netherlands, — which indeed was truly remarkable, excepting that the former were rugged and mountainous, and the latter level and marshy. About this time the tranquillity of the Dutch colonists was doomed to suffer a temporary interruption. In 1614, Captain Sir Samuel Argal, sailing under a com- mission from Dale, Governor of Virginia, visited the Dutch settlements on Hudson River and de- manded their submission to the English crown and Virginian dominion. To this arrogant de- mand, as they were in no condition to resist it, they submitted for the time, like discreet and reasonable men. It does not appear that the valiant Argal molested the settlement of Communipaw ; on the contrary, I am told that when his vessel first hove in sight, the worthy burghers were seized with such a panic, that they fell to smok- ing their pipes with astonishing vehemence ; in- ©loffe Dan IkortlanOt 123 somucii that they quickly raised a cloud, which, combining with the surrounding woods and marshes, completely enveloped and concealed their beloved village, and overhung the fair re- gions of Pavonia, — so that the terrible Captain Argal passed on, totally unsuspicious that a sturdy little Dutch settlement lay snugly couched in the mud, under cover of all this pestilent vapor. In commemoration of this fortunate escape, the worthy inhabitants have continued to smoke, almost without intermission, unto this very day ; which is said to be the cause of the remarkable fog which often hangs over Communipaw of a clear afternoon. Upon the departure of the enemy, our worthy ancestors took full six months to recover their wind and get over the consternation into which they had been thrown. They then called a council of safety to smoke over the state of the pro\'ince. At this council presided one Oloffe Van Kortlandt, a person who was held in great reverence among the sages of Communipaw for the variety and darkness of his knowledge. He had originally been one of a set of peripatetic philosophers who passed much of their time sunning themselves on the side of the great canal of Amsterdam in Holland ; enjoying, like Diogenes, a free and unencumbered estate in sunshine. His name, Kortlandt (Shortland or 1^4 Ibistori? of IRew ^otk I^ackland), was supposed, like that of the illus- trious Jean Sansterre, to indicate that he had ?w land; but he insisted, on the contrary, that he had great landed estates somewhere in Terra Incognita ; and he had come out to the new world to look after them. He was the first great land-speculator that we read of in these parts. Ivike all land-speculators, he was much given to dreaming. Never did any thing extraordinary happen at Communipaw but he declared that he had previously dreamt it, being one of those infallible prophets who predict events after they have come to pass. This supernatural gift was as highly valued among the burghers of Pavo- nia as among the enlightened nations of an- tiquity. The wise Ulysses was more indebted to his sleeping than his waking moments for his most subtle achievements, and seldom under- took any great exploit without first soundly sleeping upon it ; and the same may be said of Oloffe Van Kortlandt, who was thence aptly denominated Oloffe the Dreamer. As yet his dreams and speculations had turned to little personal profit ; and he was as much a lack-land as ever. Still he carried a high head in the community ; if his sugar-loaf hat was rather the worse for wear, he set it off with a taller cock's-tail ; if his shirt was none of the ©loffe'6 ©ream 125 cleanest, he puffed it out the more at the bosom ; and if the tail of it peeped out of a hole in his breeches, it at least proved that it really had a tail and was not mere ruffle. The worthy Van Kortlandt, in the council in question, urged the policy of emerging from the swamps of Communipaw and seeking some more eligible site for the seat of empire. Such, he said, was the advice of the good St. Nicholas, who had appeared to him in a dream the night before ; and whom he had known by his broad hat, his long pipe, and the resemblance which he bore to the figure on the bow of the Goede Vrouw. Many have thought this dream was a mere invention of Oloffe Van Kortlandt, who, it is said, had ever regarded Communipaw with an evil eye because he had arrived there after all the land had been shared out, and who was anxious to change the seat of empire to some new place, where he might be present at the distribution of "town lots." But we must not give heed to such insinuations, which are too apt to be advanced against those worthy gentle- men engaged in laying out towns, and in other land-speculations. For my own part, I am dis- posed to place the same implicit faith in the vision of Oloffe the Dreamer that was manifested by the honest burghers of Communipaw, who 126 Ibistorg of IRew ll?ork one and all agreed that an expedition should be forthwith fitted out to go on a voyage of dis- covery in quest of a new seat of empire. This perilous enterprise was to be conducted by Oloffe himself; who chose as lieutenants or coadjutors Mynheers Abraham Hardenbroeck, Jacobus Van Zandt, and Winant Ten Broeck, — three indubitably great men, but of whose his- tory, although I have made diligent inquiry, I can learn but little previous to their leaving Holland. Nor need this occasion much sur- prise, for adventurers, like prophets, though they make great noise abroad, have seldom much celebrity in their own countries ; but this much is certain, that the overflowings and off- scourings of a country are invariably composed of the richest parts of the soil. And here I can- not help remarking how convenient it would be to many of our great men and great families of doubtful origin, could they have the privilege of the heroes of yore, who, whenever their origin was involved in obscurity, modestly an- nounced themselves descended from a god, — and who never visited a foreign country but what they told some cock-and-bull stories about their being kings and princes at home. This venal trespass on the truth, though it has been occasionally played off by some pseudo-marquis, baronet, and other illustrious foreigner, in our ©loffe'6 Coadjutors 127 land of good-natured credulity, has been com- pletely discountenanced in this skeptical, mat- ter-of-fact age ; and I even question whether any tender ^4rgin, who was accidentally and unaccountably enriched with a bantling, would save her character at parlor firesides and eve- ning tea-parties by ascribing the phenomenon to a swan, a shower of gold, or a river god. Had I the benefit of mythology and classic fable above alluded to, I should have furnished the first of the trio with a pedigree equal to that of the proudest hero of antiquity. His name. Van Zandt, that is to sax, from the sand, or, in common parlance, from the dirt, gave reason to suppose that, like Triptolemus, Themes, the Cyclops, and the Titans, he had sprung from Dame Terra, or the earth ! This supposition is strongly corroborated by his size, for it is well known that all the progeny of mother earth were of a gigantic stature ; and Van Zandt, we are told, was a tall, raw-boned man, about six feet high, with an astonishingly hard head. Nor is this origin of the illustrious Van Zandt a whit more improbable or repugnant to belief than what is related and universally admitted of certain of our greatest, or rather richest men ; who, we are told with the utmost gra\'ity, did originally spring from a dunghill ! Of the second of the trio but faint accounts 128 1blstori2 of IRew l^orft have reached to this time, which mention that he was a sturdy, obstinate, worrying, bustling little man ; and, from being usually equipped in an old pair of buckskins, was familiarly dubbed Harden Broeck — that is to say. Hard in the Breech, or, as it was generally rendered. Tough Breeches. Ten Broeck completed this junto of adven- turers. It is a singular but ludicrous fact, — which, were I not scrupulous in recording the whole truth, I should almost be tempted to pass over in silence as incompatible with the gravity and dignity of history, — that this worthy gentle- man should likewise have been nicknamed from what in modern times is considered the most ignoble part of the dress. But in truth the small-clothes seems to have been a very dignified garment in the eyes of our venerated ancestors, in all probability from its covering that part of the body which has been pro- nounced " the seat of honor." The name of Ten Broeck, or, as it was some- times spelled, Tin Broeck, has been indifferently translated into Ten Breeches and Tin Breeches. Certain elegant and ingenious writers on the subject declare in favor of Tin, or rather Thin Breeches ; w^hence they infer that the original bearer of it was a poor but merry rogue, whose galligaskins were none of the soundest, and Zen :©roccft 129 who, peradventure, may have been the author of that truly philosophical stanza : " Then whj' should we quarrel for riches, Or any such glittering toys ; A light heart and thin pair of breeches, Will go through the world, my brave boys ! " The more accurate commentators, however, declare in favor of the other reading, and affirm that the worthy in question was a burly, bul- bous man, who in sheer ostentation of his ven- erable progenitors, was the first to introduce into the settlement the ancient Dutch fashion of ten pair of breeches. Such was the trio of coadjutors chosen by Olofife the Dreamer to accompany him in this vovage into unknown realms ; as to the names of his crews, they have not been handed down by history. Ha^dng, as I before observed, passed much of his life in the open air, among the peripatetic philosophers of Amsterdam, Olofife had be- come familiar with the aspect of the heavens, and could as accurately determine when a storm was brewing or a squall rising, as a dutiful hus- band can foresee, from the brow of his spouse, when a tempest is gathering about his ears. Having pitched upon a time for his voyage when the skies appeared propitious, he exhort- :30 tbietor^ ot IRew l^orK ed all his crews to take a good night's rest, wind up their family affairs, and make their wills ; precautions taken by our forefathers even in after-times when they became more adventurous, and voyaged to Haverstraw, or Kaatskill, or Groodt Esopus, or any other far country, beyond the great waters of the Tap- paan Zee. CHAPTER IV. HOW THE HEROES OF COMMUXIPAW VOYAGED TO HELL-GATE, AND HOW THEY WERE RE- CEn^ED THERE. AND now the rosy blush of morn began to mantle in the east, and soon the rising sun, emerging from amidst golden and purple clouds, shed his blithesome rays on the tin weath- ercocks of Communipaw. It was that delicious season of the year, when nature, breaking from the chilling thraldom of old winter, like a blooming damsel from the tyranny of a sordid old father, threw herself, blushing with ten thousand charms, into the arms of youthful spring. Every tufted copse and blooming grove resounded with the notes of hymeneal love. The very insects, as they sipped the dev/ that gemmed the tender grass of the meadow, joined in the joyous epithalamium, — the virgin bud timidly put forth its blushes, " the voice of the turtle was heard in the land," and the heart of man dissolved away in tenderness. [32 Ibistorg ot IRew HJork Oh ! sweet Theocritus ! had I thine oaten reed, wherewith thou erst did charm the gay vSicilian plains ; — or oh ! gentle Bion ! thy pastoral pipe, wherein the happy swains of the Lesbian isle so much delighted, then might I attempt to sing, in soft Bucolic or negligent Idyllium, the rural beauties of the scene ; — but having noth- ing, save this jaded goose-quill, wherewith to wing my flight, I must fain resign all poetic disportings of the fancy and pursue my narra- tive in humble prose ; comforting myself with the hope that, though it may not steal so sweetly upon the imagination of my reader, yet it may commend itself with virgin modesty to his better judgment, clothed in the chaste and simple garb of truth. No sooner did the first rays of cheerful Phoebus dart into the windows of Communipaw, than the little settlement was all in motion. Forth issued from his castle the sage Van Kortlandt, and seizing a conch shell, blew a far resounding blast, that soon summoned all his lusty follow- ers. Then did they trudge resolutely down to the water-side, escorted by a multitude of rela- tives and friends, who all went down, as the common phrase expresses it, "to see them off." And this shows the antiquity of those long family processions, often seen in our city, com- posed of all ages, sizes, and sexes, laden wath 1bow tbe 1[6lanD6 Came 133 bundles and bandboxes, escorting some hevj of country cousins, about to depart for home in a market-boat. The good Oloffe bestowed his forces in a squadron of three canoes, and hoisted his flag on board a little round Dutch boat, shaped not unlike a tub, which had formerly been the jolly- boat of the Goede Vroiiw. And now, all being embarked, they bade farewell to the gazing throng upon the beach, who continued shouting after them, even when out of hearing, wishing them a happy voyage, ad\4sing them to take good care of themselves not to get drowned, — with an abundance other of those sage and in- valuable cautions, generally given by landsmen to such as go down to the sea in ships, and ad- venture upon the deep waters. In the mean- while the voyagers cheerily urged their course across the cr\-stal bosom of the bay, and soon left behind them the green shores of ancient Pavonia. And first they touched at two small islands which lay nearly opposite Communipaw, and which are said to have been brought into exist- ence about the time of the great irruption of the Hudson, when it broke through the Highlands and made its way to the ocean.* For in this * It is a matter long since established by certain of our philosophers,— that is to say, having been often ad- 134 Ibistors of 1Rew l^ork tremendous uproar of the waters, we are told that many huge fragments of rock and land were rent from the mountains and swept down by this runaway river, for sixty or seventy miles ; where some of them ran aground on the shoals just opposite Communipaw, and formed the identical islands in question, while others drifted out to sea, and were never heard of more ! A sufficient proof of the fact is, that the rock which forms the bases of these islands is exactly similar to that of the Highlands, and, moreover, one of our philosophers, who has diligently compared the agreement of their respective surfaces, has even gone so far as to assure me, in confidence, that Gibbet Island was originally nothing more nor less than a wart on Anthony's Nose.* Leaving these wonderful little isles, they next coasted by Governor's Island, since terrible from its frowning fortress and grinning batteries. vanced, and never contradicted, it has g^own to be pretty nigh equal to a settled fact, — that the Hudson was originally a lake dammed up by the mountains of the Highlands. In process of time, however, becoming very mighty and obstreperous, and the mountains waxing pursy, dropsical, and weak in the back, by reason of their extreme old age, it suddenly rose upon them, and after a violent struggle effected its escape. This is said to have come to pass in very remote time, probably before that rivers had lost the art of running uphill. The foregoing is a theory in which I do not pretend to be skilled, notwithstanding that I do fully give it my belief. * A promontorj' in the Highlands. B (3oo0 ©men 135 They would by no means, however, land upon this island, since they doubted much it might be the abode of demons and spirits, which in those days did greatly abound throughout this savage and pagan country. Just at this time a shoal of jolly porpoises came rolling and tumbling by, turning up their sleek sides to the sun, and spouting up the briny element in sparkling showers. No sooner did the sage OlofFe mark this than he was greatly rejoiced. "This," exclaimed he, "if I mistake not, augurs well : the porpoise is a fat, well- conditioned fish, — a burgomaster among fishes, — his looks betoken ease, plenty, and prosperity ; I greatly admire this round fat fish, and doubt not but this is a happy omen of the success of our undertaking." So saying, he directed his squadron to steer in the track of these alderman fishes. Turning, therefore, directly to the left, they swept up the strait vulgarly called the East River. And here the rapid tide which courses through this strait, seizing on the gallant tub in which Commodore Van Kortlandt had em- barked, hurried it forward with a velocity unparalleled in a Dutch boat, navigated by Dutchmen ; insomuch that the good commo- dore, who had all his life-long been accustomed only to the drowsy navigation of canals, was 136 tbistorg of Haew ^ovk more than ever convinced that they were in the hands of some supernatural power, and that the jolly porpoises were towing them to some fair haven that was to fulfil all their wishes and expectations. Thus borne away by the resistless current, they doubled that boisterous point of land since called Corlear's Hook,* and lea\-ing to the right the rich winding cove of the Wallabout, they drifted into a magnificent expanse of water, surrounded by pleasant shores, whose verdure was exceedingly refreshing to the eye. While the voyagers were looking around them, on what they conceived to be a serene and sunny lake, they beheld at a distance a crew of painted savages, busily employed in fishing, who seemed more like the genii of this romantic region, — their slender canoe lightly balanced like a feather on the undulating surface of the bay. At sight of these the hearts of the heroes of Communipaw were not a little troubled. But as good-fortune would have it, at the bow of the commodore's boat was stationed a very valiant man, named Hendrick Kip (which, being inter- preted, means chicken, a name given him in token of his courage). No sooner did he behold these varlet heathens than he trembled with excessive valor, and although a good half-mile * Properly spelt hoeck {i. e., a point of land). 1kip*e :Ba^ 137 distant, he seized a musketoon that lay at hand, and turning away his head, fired it most in- trepidly in the face of the blessed sun. The blundering weapon recoiled and gave the val- iant Kip an ignominious kick, which laid him prostrate with uplifted heels in the bottom of the boat. But such was the effect of this tre- mendous fire, that the wild men of the woods, struck with consternation, seized hastily upon their paddles, and shot away into one of the deep inlets of the Long Island shore. This signal victory gave new spirits to the voyagers ; and in honor of the achievement they gave the name of the valiant Kip to the surrounding bay, and it has continued to be called Kip's Bay from that time to the present. The heart of the good Van Kortlandt — who, ha\-ing no land of his own, was a great admirer of other people's — expanded to the full size of a peppercorn at the sumptuous prospect of rich unsettled country around him, and falling into a delicious revery, he straightway began to riot in the possession of vast meadows of salt marsh and interminable patches of cabbages. From this delectable vision he was all at once awak- ened by the sudden turning of the tide, which would soon have hurried him from this land of promise, had not the discreet navigator given signal to steer for shore ; where they according- 138 Ibistors ot IRcw l^orft ly landed hard by the rocky heights of Belle- vue, — that happy retreat, where our jolly alder- men eat for the good of the city, and fatten the turtle that are sacrificed on civic solemnities. Here, seated on the greensward, by the side of a small stream that ran sparkling among the grass, they refreshed themselves after the toils of the seas, by feasting lustily on the ample stores which they had provided for this perilous voyage. Thus having well fortified their de- liberative powers, they fell into an earnest con- sultation, what was further to be done. This was the first council dinner ever eaten at Belle- vue by Christian burghers ; and here, as the tradition relates, did originate the great family feud between the Hardenbroecks and the Ten- Broecks, which afterwards had a singular influ- ence on the building of the city. The sturdy Hardenbroek, whose eyes had been wondrously delighted with the salt marshes which spread their reeking bosoms along the coast, at the bottom of Kip's Bay, counselled by all means to return thither, and found the intended city. This was strenuously opposed by the unbend- ing Ten Broeck, and many testy arguments passed between them. The particulars of this controversy have not reached us, which is ever to be lamented ; this much is certain, that the sage Olofle put an end to the dispute b}^ deter- ZbvouQb tbe Bast TRiver 139 mining to explore still farther in the route which the mysterious porpoises had so clearly pointed out ; — whereupon the sturdy Tough Breeches abandoned the expedition, took pos- session of a neighboring hill, and in a fit of great wrath peopled all that tract of country, which has continued to be inhabited by the Hardenbroecks unto this very day. By this time the jolly Phoebus, like some wanton urchin sporting on the side of a green hill, began to roll down the declivity of the heavens ; and now, the tide having once more turned in their favor, the Pavonians again com- mitted themselves to its discretion, and coasting along the western shores, were borne towards the straits of Blackwell's Island. And here the capricious wanderings of the current occasioned not a little marvel and per- plexity to these illustrious mariners. Now would they be caught by the wanton eddies, and, sweeping round a jutting point, would wind deep into some romantic little cove, that indented the fair island of Manuahata ; now were they hurried narrowly by the very bases of impending rocks, mantled with the flaunting grape-vine, and crowned with groves which threw a broad shade on the waves beneath ; and anon they were borne away into the mid-chan- nel and wafted along with a rapidity that very 140 Ibistorg of IRew \^ovk much discomposed the sage Van Kortlandt, who, as he saw the land swiftly receding on either side, began exceedingly to doubt that terra jirma was giving them the slip. Wherever the voyagers turned their eyes, a new creation seemed to bloom around. No signs of human thrift appeared to check the delicious wildness of nature, who here revelled in all her luxuriant variety. Those hills, now bristled, like the fretful porcupine, with rows of poplars (vain upstart plants ! minions of wealth and fashion !) were then adorned with the vigor- ous natives of the soil — the lordly oak, the gen- erous chestnut, the graceful elm, — while here and there the tulip-tree reared its majestic head, the giant of the forest. Where now are seen the gay retreats of luxury, — villas half buried in twilight bowers, whence the amorous flute oft breathes the sighings of some city swain, — there the fish-hawk built his solitary nest on some dry tree that overlooked his watery do- main. The timid deer fed undisturbed along those shores now hallowed by the lovers' moon- light walk, and printed by the slender foot of beauty ; and a savage solitude extended over those happy regions, where now^ are reared the stately towers of the Joneses, the Schermer- homes, and the Rhinelanders. Thus gliding in silent wonder through these laitcbinQ Scenes 141 new and unknown scenes, the gallant squadron of Pavonia swept by the foot of a promontory, which strutted forth boldly into the waves, and seemed to frown upon them as they brawled against its base. This is the bluff well known to modern mariners by the name of Grade's Point, from the fair castle which, like an ele- phant, it carries upon its back. And here broke upon their view a wild and varied prospect, where land and water were beauteously inter- mingled, as though they had combined to heighten and set off each other's charms. To the right lay the sedgy point of Blackwell's Island, drest in the fresh garniture of living green, — beyond it stretched the pleasant coast of Sundswick, and the small harbor well known by the name of Hallet's Cove, — a place infa- mous in latter days by reason of its being the haunt of pirates who infest these seas, robbing orchards and watermelon patches, and insult- ing gentlemen navigators, when voyaging in their pleasure-boats. To the left a deep bay, or rather creek, gracefully receded between shores fringed with forests, and forming a kind of vista, through which were beheld the silvan re- gions of Haerlem, Morrisania, and East Ches- ter. Here the eye reposed wnth delight on a richly wooded country, diversified by tufted knolls, shadowy intervals, and waving lines of 142 Ibietori? of IRcw )^ork upland, swelling above each other, while over the whole the purple mists of spring diffused a hue of soft voluptuousness. Just before them the grand course of the stream, making a sudden bend, wound among embowered promontories and shores of emerald verdure, that seemed to melt into the wave. A character of gentleness and mild fertility pre- vailed around. The sun had just descended, and the thin haze of twilight, like a transparent veil drawn over the bosom of virgin beauty, heightened the charms which it half concealed. Ah ! witching scenes of foul delusion ! Ah ! hapless voyagers, gazing with simple wonder on these Circean shores ! Such, alas ! are they, poor easy souls, who listen to the seductions of a wicked world, — treacherous are its smiles ! fatal its caresses ! He who yields to its entice- ments launches upon a whelming tide, and trusts his feeble bark among the dimpling eddies of a whirlpool ! And thus it fared with the worthies of Pavonia, who, little mistrusting the guileful scene before them, drifted quietly on, until they were aroused by an uncommon tossing and agitation of their vessels. For now the late dimpling current began to brawl around them, and the waves to boil and foam with horrific fury. Awakened as if from a dream, the astonished Oloffe bawled aloud to put about. ■fcellsGate 143 but his words were lost amid the roaring of the waters. And now ensued a scene of direful con- sternation. At one time they were borne with dreadful velocity among tumultuous breakers ; at another, hurried down boisterous rapids. Now they were nearly dashed upon the Hen and Chickens (infamous rocks ! — more vora- cious than Scylla and her whelps) ; and anon they seemed sinking into yawning gulfs, that threatened to entomb them beneath the waves. All the elements combined to produce a hideous confusion. The waters raged, the winds howled ; and as they were hurried along, several of the as- tonished mariners beheld the rocks and trees of the neighboring shores driving through the air ! At length the mighty tub of Commodore Van Kortlandt was drawn into the vortex of that tremendous whirlpool called the Pot, where it was whirled about in giddy mazes, until the senses of the good commander and his crew were overpowered by the horror of the scene and the strangeness of the revolution. How the gallant squadron of Pavonia was snatched from the jaws of this modern Charyb- dis, has never been truly made known, for so many survived to tell the tale, and, what is still more wonderful, told it in so many different ways, that there has ever prevailed a great variety of opinions on the subject. 144 1bi6tori2 ot IRew lt)orft As to the commodore and his crew, when they came to their senses they found themselves stranded on the Long Island shore. Tne worthy commodore, indeed, used to relate many and wonderful stories of his adventures in this time of peril : how that he saw spectres flying in the air, and heard the yelling of hobgoblins, and put his hand into the Pot when they were whirled round, and found the water scalding hot, and beheld several uncouth-looking beings seated on rocks and skimming it with huge ladles ; but particularly he declared with great exultation, that he saw the losel porpoises, which had betrayed them into this peril, some broiling on the Gridiron, and others hissing on the Frying-pan ! These, however, were considered by many as mere fantasies of the commodore, while he lay in a trance ; especially as he was known to be given to dreaming ; and the truth of them has never been clearly ascertained. It is certain, however, that to the accounts of OlofFe and his followers may be traced the various traditions handed down of this marvellous strait : as how the Devil has been seen there, sitting astride of the Hog's Back and playing on the fiddle, — how he broils fish there before a storm; and many other stories in which we must be cau- tious of putting too much faith. In consequence 1 Dclle*(3at 145 of all these terrific circumstances, the Pavonian commander gave this pass the name of Helle- gat^ or, as it has been interpreted, Hell-Gate * ; which it continues to bear at the present day. * This is a narrow strait in the Sound, at the distance of six miles above New York. It is dangerous to ship- ping, unless under the care of skilful pilots, by reason of numerous rocks, shelves, and whirlpools. These have received sundrj' appellations, such as the Gridiron, Fr^'- ing-pan. Hog's Back, Pot, etc., and are very violent and turbulent at certain times of tide. Ce'rtain mealy- mouthed men, of squeamish consciences, who are loth to give the Devil his due, have softened the above char- acteristic name into /fz^rZ-gate, forsooth ! Let those take care how they venture into the Gate, or they may be hurled into the Pot before they are aware of it. The name of this strait, as given by our author, is supported by the map in Vander Donck's history, published in 1656; by Ogilvie's " History of America," 1671; asalsoby a j'ournal still extant, written in the 17th centurj-, and to be found in Hazard's State Papers. And an old MS. written in French, speaking of various alterations in names about this city, observes, "De Helle-gat,lTOVi d'Enfer, lis ont fait Hell-gate^ Porte d Enfer." CHAPTER V. HOW THE HEROES OF COMMUNIPAW RETURNED SOMEWHAT WISER THAN THEY WENT — AND HOW THE SAGE OI^OFFE DREAMED A DREAM AND THE DREAM THAT HE DREAMED. THE darkness of night had closed upon this disastrous day, and a doleful night was it to the shipwrecked Pavonians, whose ears were incessantly assailed with the raging of the elements, and the howling of the hobgoblins that infested this perfidious strait. But when the morning dawned, the horrors of the preced- ing evening had passed away ; rapids, breakers, and whirlpools had disappeared ; the stream again ran smooth and dimpling, and ha\'ing changed its tide, rolled gently back, towards the quarter where lay their much-regretted home. The woe-begone heroes of Communipaw eyed each other with rueful countenances ; their jFate of tbe C^ravellers 147 squadron liad been totally dispersed by the late disaster. Some were cast upon the western shore, where, headed by one RulefF Hopper, they took possession of all the country lying about the six-mile stone ; which is held by the Hoppers at this present writing. The Waldrons were driven by stress of weather to a distant coast, where, having with them a jug of genuine Hollands, they were en- abled to conciliate the savages, setting up a kind of tavern ; whence, it is said, did spring the fair town of Haerlem, in which their de- scendants have ever since continued to be repu- table publicans. As to the Suydams, they were thrown upon the Long Island coast, and may still be found in those parts. But the most singular luck attended the great Ten Broeck, who, falling overboard, was miraculously pre- served from sinking by the multitude of his nether garments. Thus buoyed up, he floated on the waves like a merman, or like an angler's dobber, until he landed safely on a rock, where he was found the next morning, busily drying his many breeches in the sunshine. T forbear to treat of the long consultation of Olofife with his remaining followers, in which they determined that it would never do to found a city in so diabolical a neighborhood. Suffice it in simple brevity to say, that they once more 148 Ibistorg ot IRcw lorft committed themselves, with fear and trembling, to the briny elements, and steered their course back again through the scenes of their yester- day's voyage, determined no longer to roam in search of distant sites, but to settle themselves down in the marshy regions of Pavonia. Scarce, however, had they gained a distant view of Communipaw, when they were encoun- tered by an obstinate eddy, which opposed their homeward voyage. Weary and dispirited as they were, they yet tugged a feeble oar against the stream ; until, as if to settle the strife, half a score of potent billows rolled the tub of Com- modore Van Kortlandt high and dry on the long point of an island which divided the bosom of the bay. Some pretend that these billows were sent by old Neptune to strand the expedition on a spot whereon was to be founded his stronghold in this western world ; others, more pious, attrib- ute every thing to the guardianship of the good St. Nicholas ; and after-events will be found to corroborate this opinion. Oloffe Van Kortlandt was a devout trencherman. Every repast was a kind of religious rite with him ; and his first thought on finding him once more on dry ground, was, how he should contrive to cele- brate his wonderful escape from Hell-gate and all its horrors by a solemn banquet. The stores B Sumptuous IRepaet ug which had been provided for the voyage by the good housewives of Communipaw were nearly exhausted, but, in casting his eyes about, the commodore beheld that the shore abounded with oysters. A great store of these was in- stantly collected ; a fire was made at the foot of a tree ; all hands fell to roasting and broiling and stewing and frying, and a sumptuous repast was soon set forth. This is thought to be the origin of those civic feasts with which, to the present day, all our public affairs are celebrated, and in which the oyster is ever sure to play an important part. On the present occasion, the worthy Van Kortlandt was observed to be particularly zeal- ous in his devotions to the trencher ; for, ha\dng the cares of the expedition especially committed to his care, he deemed it incumbent on him to eat profoundly for the public good. In propor- tion as he filled himself to the ver>' brim with the dainty viands before him, did the heart of this excellent burgher rise up towards his throat, until he seemed crammed and almost choked with good eating and good-nature. And at such times it is, when a man's heart is in his throat, that he may more truly be said to speak from it, and his speeches abound with kindness and good-fellowship. Thus having swallowed the last possible morsel, and washed it down with 150 Ibistorg of 1ftew l^orft a fervent potation, Oloffe felt his heart yearning, and his whole frame in a manner dilating with unbounded benevolence. Every thing around him seemed excellent and delightful ; and lay- ing his hands on each side of his capacious periphery, and rolling his half-closed eyes around on the beautiful diversity of land and water before him, he exclaimed, in a fat half- smothered voice, " What a charming pros- pect ! " The words died away in his throat, — he seemed to ponder on the fair scene for a moment, — his eyelids heavily closed over their orbs, — his head drooped upon his bosom, — he slowly sank upon the green turf, and a deep sleep stole gradually over him. And the sage Oloffe dreamed a dream, — and lo, the good St. Nicholas came riding over the tops of the trees, in that self-same w^agon wherein he brings his yearly presents to chil- dren, and he descended hard by where the heroes of Communipaw had made their late re- past. And he lit his pipe by the fire, and sat himself down and smoked ; and as he smoked, the smoke from his pipe ascended into the air and spread like a cloud overhead. And Oloffe bethought him, and he hastened and climbed up to the top of one of the tallest trees, and saw that the smoke spread over a great extent of countrv ; and as he considered it more atten- ^ ©lofifc's Strange S)ream 151 tively, he fancied that the great volume of smoke assumed a variety of marvellous forms, where in dim obscurity he saw shadowed out palaces and domes and lofty spires, all of which lasted but a moment, and then faded sway, until the whole rolled off, and nothing but the green woods were left. And when St. Nicholas had smoked his pipe, he twisted it in his hat- band, and laying his finger beside his nose, gave the astonished Van Kortlandt a very sig- nificant look ; then, mounting his wagon, he returned over the tree-tops and disappeared. And Van Kortlandt awoke from his sleep greatly instructed ; and he aroused his compan- ions and related to them his dream, and inter- preted it, that it was the will of St. Nicholas that they should settle down and build the city here ; and that the smoke of the pipe was a type how vast would be the extent of the city, inasmuch as the volumes of its smoke would spread over a wide extent of country. And they all with one voice assented to this interpreta- tion, excepting Mynheer Ten Broeck, who de- clared the meaning to be that it would be a city wherein a little fire would occasion a great smoke, or, in other words, a very vaporing little city ; — both which interpretations have strangely come to pass ! The great object of their perilous expedition, 15^ t>i6tov^ Of IRew \}ov\{ therefore, being thus happily accomplished, the voyagers returned merrily to Communipaw, — where they were received with great rejoicings. And here, calling a general meeting of all the wise men and the dignitaries of Pavonia, they related the whole history of their voyage, and of the dream of Oloffe Van Kortlandt. And the people lifted up their voices and blessed the good St Nicholas ; and from that time forth the sage Van Kortlandt was held in more honor than ever, for his great talent at dreaming, and was pronounced a most useful citizen and a right good man — when he was asleep. CHAPTER VI. CONTAINING AN ATTEMPT AT ETYMOI^OGY — AND OF THE FOUNDING OF THE GREAT CITY OF NEW AMSTERDAM. THE original name of the island, whereon the squadron of Comniunips> w was thus propitiously thrown, is a matter of some dis- pute, and has already undergone considerable vitiation, — a melancholy proof of the instability of all sublunary things, and the vanity of all our hopes of lasting fame ; for who can expect his name will live to posterity, when even the names of mighty islands are thus soon lost in contra- diction and uncertainty ! The name most current at the present day, and which is likewise countenanced by the great historian Vander Donck, is Manhattan ; which is said to have originated in a custom among the squaws, in the early settlement, of wearing men's hats, as is still done among many 154 fbietov^ ot Iftcw ^otk tribes. " Hence," as we are told by an old gov- ernor who was somewhat of a wag, and flour- ished almost a century since, and had paid a visit to the wits of Philadelphia, — " hence arose the appellation of man-hat-on, first given to the Indians, and afterwards to the island," — a stu- pid joke ! but well enough for a governor. Among the more venerable sources of infor- mation on this subject is that valuable history of the American possessions, written by Master Richard Blome, in 1687, wherein it is called Manhadaes and Manahanent ; nor must I for- get the excellent little book, full of precious matter, of that authentic historian John Josse- lyn, Gent., who expressly calls it Manadaes. Another etymology, still more ancient, and sanctioned by the countenanceof our ever-to-be- lamented Dutch ancestors, is that found in cer- tain letters still extant,* which passed between the early governors and their neighboring pow- ers, wherein it is called indifferently Monhat- toes, Munhatos, and Manhattoes, which are evi- dently unimportant variations of the same name; for our wise forefathers set little store b}' those niceties either in orthography or orthoepy, which form the sole study and ambition of many learned men and women of this hypercritical age. This last name is said to be derived from * Vide Hazard's Col. Stat. Pap. IDarious iBt^moloQics 155 the great Indian spirit Manetho, who was sup- posed to make this island his favorite abode, on account of its uncommon delights. For the In- dian traditions affirm that the bay was once a translucid lake, filled with silver and golden fish, in the midst of which lay this beautiful island, covered with every variety of fruits and flowers ; but that the sudden irruption of the Hudson laid waste these blissful scenes, and Manetho took his flight beyond the great waters of Ontario. These, however, are very fabulous legends, to which very cautious credence must be given, and though lam willingto admitthe last-quoted orthography of the name as very fit for prose, yet is there another which I peculiarly delight in, as at once poetical, melodious, and signifi- cant, and which we have on the authority of Master Juet ; who, in his account of the voyage of the great Hudson, calls this Manxa-hata, that is to say, the island of manna, or, in other words, a land flowing with milk and honey. Still, my deference to the learned obliges me to notice the opinion of the worthy Dominie Heckwelder, which ascribes the name to a great drunken bout held on the island by the Dutch discoverers, whereat they made certain of the natives most ecstatically drunk for the first time in their lives ; who, being delighted with 156 fbietov^ of Iftew l^ork their jovial entertainment, gave the place the name of Mannahattanink, that is to say, The Island of Jolly Topers, a name which it contin- ues to merit to the present day.* * MSS. of the Rev. John Heckwelder, in the archives of the New York Historical Society. CHAPTER VII. HOW THB PEOPLE OF PAVONIA MIGRATED FROM COMMUNIPAW TO THE ISLAND OF MANNA -HATA — AND HOW OLOFFE, THE DREAMER, PROVED HIMSELF A GREAT LAND SPECULATOR. IT having been solemnly resolved that the seat of empire should be removed from the green shores of Pavonia to the pleasant island of Man- na-hata, everybody was anxious to embark under the standard of OlofiFe the Dreamer, and to be among the first sharers of the promised land. A day was appointed for the grand mi- gration, and on that day little Communipaw was in a buzz and a bustle like a hive in swarm- ing time. Houses were turned inside out and stripped of the venerable furniture which had come from Holland ; all the community, great and small, black and white, man, woman, and child, was in commotion, forming lines from the houses to the water-side, like lines of ants 158 1bi6tors ot Iftew J^ocft from an ant-hill ; everybody laden with some article of household furniture ; while busy housewives plied backwards and forwards along the lines, helping every thing forward by the nimbleness of their tongues. By degrees a fleet of boats and canoes were piled up with all kinds of household articles : ponderous tables ; chests of drawers resplendent with brass ornaments ; quaint corner-cupboards ; beds and bedsteads ; with any quantity of pots, kettles, frying-pans, and Dutch ovens. In each boat embarked a whole family, from the robus- tious burgher down to the cats and dogs and little negroes. In this way they set off across the mouth of the Hudson, under the guidance of Oloffe the Dreamer, who hoisted his standard on the leading boat. This memorable migration took place on the first of May, and was long cited in tradition as the grand moving. The anniversary of it was piously observed among the "sons of the pil- grims of Communipaw " by turning their houses topsy-turvy and carrying all the furniture through the streets, in emblem of the swarming of the parent hive ; and this is the real origin of the universal agitation and " mo^nng " by which this most restless of cities is literally turned out of doors on every May-day. As the little squadron from Communipaw 21 XanD Speculation 159 drew near to the shores of Manna-hata, a sachem, at the head of a band of warriors, ap- peared to oppose their landing. Some of the most zealous of the pilgrims were for chastising this insolence with powder and ball, according to the approved mode of discoverers ; but the sage Oloffe gave them the significant sign of St. Nicholas, laying his finger beside his nose and winking hard with one eye ; whereupon his followers perceived that there was some- thing sagacious in the wind. He now addressed the Indians in the blandest terms ; and made such tempting display of beads, hawks'-bells, and red blankets, that he was soon permitted to land, and a great land speculation ensued. And here let me give the true story of the original purchase of the site of this renowned city, about which so much has been said and written. Some affirm that the first cost was but sixty guilders. The learned Dominie Heckwelder records a tradition * that the Dutch discoverers bargained for only so much land as the hide of a bullock would cover ; but that they cut the hide in strips no thicker than a child's finger, so as to take in a large portion of land, and to take in the Indians into the bargain. This, however, is an old fable which the worthy *MSS. of the Rev, John Heckwelder, New Yprk His- torical Society. i6o fbiBtov^ of IRew l^ork Dominie may have borrowed from antiquity. The true version is, that Oloffe Van Kortlandt bargained for just so much land as a man could cover with his nether garments. The terms being concluded, he produced his friend, Myn- heer Ten Broeck, as the man whose breeches were to be used in measurement. The simple savages, whose ideas of a man's nether garments had never expanded beyond the dimensions of a breech-clout, stared with astonishment and dismay as they beheld this bulbous-bottomed burgher peeled like an onion, and breeches after breeches spread forth over the land until they covered the actual site of this venerable city. This is the true history of the adroit bargain by which the island of Manhattan was bought for sixty guilders ; and in corroboration of it I will add, that Mynheer Ten Breeches, for his services on this memorable occasion, was ele- vated to the office of land measurer, which he ever afterward exercised in the colony. CHAPTER VIII. OF THE FOUNDING AND NAMING OF THE NEW CITY ; OF THE CITY ARMS, AND OF THE DIREFUI. FEUD BETWEEN TEN BREECHES AND TOUGH BREECHES. THE land being thus fairly purchased of the Indians, a circumstance very unusual in the history of colonization, and strongly illus- trative of the honesty of our Dutch progenitors, a stockade fort and trading-house were forth- with erected on an eminence in front of the place where the good St. Nicholas had appeared in a ^4sion to Oloffe the Dreamer, and which, as has already been observ'ed, was the identical place at present known as the Bowling Green. Around this fort a progeny of little Dutch- built houses, with tiled roofs and weathercocks, soon sprang up, nestling themselves under its walls for protection, as a brood of half-fledged chickens nestle under the wings of the mother i62 1bi0tori5 of IRcw lorft hen. The whole was surrounded by an enclos- ure of strong palisadoes, to guard against any- sudden irruption of the savages. Outside of these extended the cornfields and cabbage gar- dens of the community, with here and there an attempt at a tobacco plantation ; all covering those tracts of country at present called Broad- way, Wall Street, William Street, and Pearl Street. I must not omit to mention that, in portion- ing out the land, a goodly "bowerie," or farm, was allotted to the sage Oloffe in consideration of the service he had rendered to the public by his talent at dreaming ; and the site of his "bowerie" is known by the name of Kortlandt (or Cortlandt) Street to the present day. And now the infant settlement having ad- vanced in age and stature, it was thought high time it should receive an honest Christian name. Hitherto it had gone by the original Indian name Manna-hata, or, as some will have it, "The Manhattoes" ; but this was now decried as savage and heathenish, and as tending to keep up the memory of the pagan brood that originally possessed it. Many were the consul- tations held upon the subject, without coming to a conclusion, for though everybody con- demned the old name, nobody could invent a new one. At length, when the council was IRew BmsterDam 163 almost in despair, a burgher, remarkable for the size and squareness of his head, proposed that they should call it New Amsterdam. The proposition took everybody by surprise ; it was so striking, so apposite, so ingenious. The name was adopted by acclamation, and New Amsterdam the metropolis was thenceforth called. Still, however, the early authors of the province continued to call it by the general appellation of " The Manhattoes," and the poets fondly clung to the euphonious name of Manna-hata ; but those are a kind of folk whose tastes and notions should go for nothing in matters of this kind. Ha\'ing thus provided the embry-o city with a name, the next was to give it an armorial bear- ing or device, as some cities have a rampant lion, others a soaring eagle, — emblematical, no doubt, of the valiant and high-flying qualities of the inhabitants ; so, after mature deliberation, a sleek beaver was emblazoned on the city standard, as indicative of the amphibious origin, and patient, persevering habits of the New Am- sterdammers. The thriving state of the settlement and the rapid increase of houses soon made it necessary to arrange some plan upon which the city should be built ; but at the very first consultation held on the subject, a \'iolent discussion arose ; and I i64 1bi0tori2 ot Iftew lorFi mention it with much sorrowing as being the first altercation on record in the councils of New Amsterdam. It was, in fact, a breaking forth of the grudge and heart-burning that had ex- isted between those two eminent burghers, Mynheers Tenbroeck and Hardenbroeck, ever since their unhappy dispute on the coast of Bellevue. The great Hardenbroeck had waxed very wealthy and powerful, from his domains, which embraced the whole chain of Apulean mountains that stretched along the Gulf of Kip's Bay, and from part of which his descend- ants have been expelled in latter ages by the powerful clans of the Joneses and the Scher- merhornes. An ingenious plan for the city was offered by Mynheer Hardenbroeck, who proposed that it should be cut up and intersected by canals, after the manner of the most admired cities in Hol- land. To this Mynheer Tenbroeck was diamet- rically opposed, suggesting, in place thereof, that they should run out docks and wharves, by means of piles driven into the bottom of the river, on which the town should be built. " By these means," said he, triumphantly, "shall we rescue a considerable space of territory from these immense rivers, and build a city that shall rival Amsterdam, Venice, or any amphibious city in Europe." To this proposition, Harden- tTbe (3reat discussion 165 broeck (or Tough Breeches) replied, with a look of as much scorn as he could possibly assume. He cast the utmost censure upon the plan of his antagonist, as being preposterous and against the very order of things, as he would leave to ever}' true Hollander. "For what," said he, "is a town without canals? — it is like a body without veins and arteries, and must perish for want of a free circulation of the vital fluid." Ten Breeches, on the contrary, retorted with a sarcasm upon his antagonist, who was somewhat of an arid, dry -boned habit : he remarked, that as to the circulation of the blood being neces- sary to existence, Mynheer Tough Breeches was a living contradiction to his own assertion ; for everybody knew there had not a drop of blood circulated through his wind-dried carcase for good ten years, and yet there was not a greater busybody in the whole colony. Personalities have seldom much effect in making converts in argument ; nor have I ever seen a man con- vinced of error by being con\'icted of deformity. At least such was not the case at present. If Ten Breeches was very happy in sarcasm. Tough Breeches, who was a sturdy little man, and never gave up the last word, rejoined with in- creasing spirit ; Ten Breeches had the advantage of the greatest volubility, but Tough Breeches had that invaluable coat of mail in argument, i66 Unetox^ of IWcw l^orh called obstinacy ; Ten Breeches had, therefore, the most mettle, but Tough Breeches the best bottom ; so that, though Ten Breeches made a dreadful clattering about his ears, and battered and belabored him with hard words and sound arguments, yet Tough Breeches hung on most resolutely to the last. They parted, therefore, as is usual in all arguments where both parties are in the right, without coming to any con- clusion ; — but they hated each other most heart- ily forever after, and a similar breach with that between the houses of Capulet and Montague did ensue between the families of Ten Breeches and Tough Breeches. I would not fatigue my reader with these dull matters of fact, but that my duty as a faithful historian requires that I should be particular ; and in truth, as I am now treating of the criti- cal period when our city, like a young twig, first received the twists and turns which have since contributed to give it its present pictu- resque irregularity, I cannot be too minute in detailing their first causes. After the unhappy altercation I have just mentioned, I do not find that any thing further was said on the subject worthy of being record- ed. The council, consisting of the largest and oldest heads in the community, met regularly once a week, to ponder on this momentous Doings of tbe Council 167 subject ; but, either they were deterred by the war of words they had witnessed, or they were naturally averse to the exercises of the tongue, and the consequent exercise of the brains, — certain it is, the most profound silence was maintained, — the question as usual lay on the table, — the members quietly smoked their pipes, making but few laws, without ever en- forcing any, — and in the meantime the affairs of the settlement went on — as it pleased God. As most of the council were but little skilled in the mystery of combining pot-hooks and hangers, they determined most judiciously not to puzzle either themselves or posterity with voluminous records. The secretary, however, kept the minutes of the council, with tolerable precision, in a large vellum folio, fastened with massy brass clasps ; the journal of each meeting consisted of but two lines, stating in Dutch, that "the council sat this day, and smoked twelve pipes, on the affairs of the colony." By which it appears that the first settlers did not regulate their time by hours, but pipes, in the same manner as they measure distances in Holland at this very time : an admirably exact measurement, as a pipe in the mouth of a true- born Dutchman is never liable to those acci- dents and irregularities that are continually putting our clocks out of order. i68 Ibietot^ of IRew l^orh ^ In this manner did the profound council of New Amsterdam smoke, and doze, and pon- der, from week to week, month to month, and year to year, in what manner they should con- struct their infant settlement ; — meanwhile, the town took care of itself, and like a sturdy brat which is suffered to run about wild, unshackled by clouts and bandages, and other abominations by which your notable nurses and sage old women cripple and disfigure the children of men, increased so rapidly in strength and mag- nitude, that before the honest burgomasters had determined upon a plan, it was too late to put it in execution, — whereupon they wisely abandoned the subject altogether. CHAPTER IX. HOW THE CITY OF NEW AMSTERDAM WAXED GREAT UNDER THE PROTECTION OE ST. NICHOI.AS AliD THE ABSENCE OE I.AWS AND STATUTES — HOW OIorft tion dinners, and to discharge such other little offices of kindness as were occasionally re- quired. It was, moreover, tacitly understood, though not specifically enjoined, that they should consider themselves as butts for the blunt wits of the burgermeesters, and should laugh most heartily at all their jokes; but this last was a duty as rarely called in action in those days as it is at present, and was shortly remitted, in consequence of the tragical death of a fat little schepen, who actually died of suf- focation in an unsuccessful effort to force a laugh at one of burgermeester Van Zandt's best jokes. In return for these humble services, they were permitted to sayjj^^.yand 7to at the council- board, and to have that enviable privilege, the run of the public kitchen, — being graciously permitted to eat, and drink, and smoke, at all those snug junketings and public gormandiz- ings for which the ancient magistrates were equally famous with their modern successors. The post of schepen, therefore, like that of assistant alderman, was eagerly coveted by all 3-our burghers of a certain description, who have a huge relish for good feeding, and a humble ambition to be great men in a small way, — who thirst after a little brief authority, that shall render them the terror of the alms- Xtttlc*(3rcat /nben 193 house and the bridewell, — that shall enable them to lord it over obsequious poverty, va- grant vice, outcast prostitution, and hunger- driven dishonesty, — that shall give to their beck a hound-like pack of catchpolls and bumbailiffs — tenfold greater rogues than the culprits they hunt down ! My readers will excuse this sud- den wrath, which I confess is unbecoming of a grave historian, — but I have a mortal antipathy to catchpolls, bumbailiffs, and little-great men. The ancient magistrates of this city corre- sponded with those of the present time no less in form, magnitude, and intellect than in pre- rogative and privilege. The burgomasters, like our aldermen, were generally chosen by weight, and not only the weight of the body, but like- wise the weight of the head. It is a maxim practically obser^-ed in all honest, plain-think- ing, regular cities, that an alderman should be fat, — and the wisdom of this can be proved to a certainty. That the body is in some measure an image of the mind, or rather that the mind is moulded to the body, like melted lead to the clay in which it is cast, has been insisted on by many philosophers, who have made human nature their peculiar study ; for, as a learned gentleman of our owu city observes, "there is a constant relation between the moral character of all intelligent creatures and their physical 194 Ibtstor^ of IRew lorft constitution, between their habits and the struc- ture of their bodies." Thus we see that a lean, spare, diminutive body is generally accompa- nied by a petulant, restless, meddling mind; either the mind wears down the body, by its continual motion, or else the body, not afford- ing the mind sufficient house-room, keeps it continually in a state of fretfulness, tossing and worrying about from the uneasiness of its situa- tion. Whereas your round, sleek, fat, unwieldy periphery is ever attended by a mind like itself, tranquil, torpid, and at ease ; and we may al- ways observe that your well-fed, robustious burghers are in general very tenacious of their ease and comfort, being great enemies to noise, discord, and disturbance, — and surely none are more likely to study the public tranquillity than those who are so careful of their own. Who ever hears of fat men heading a riot, or herding together in turbulent mobs ? — no — no, it is your lean, hungry men who are continually worry- ing society, and setting the whole community by the ears. The divine Plato, whose doctrines are not suf- ficiently attended to by philosophers of the present age, allows to every man three souls : one, immortal and rational, seated in the brain, that it may overlook and regulate the body ; a second, consisting of the surly and irascible aiDermen SboulD be jfat 195 passions which, like belligerent powers, lie en- camped around the heart ; a third, mortal and sensual, destitute of reason, gross and brutal in its propensities, and enchained in the belly, that it may not disturb the di\4ne soul by its ravenous bowlings. Now, according to this ex- cellent theorj', what can be more clear than that your fat alderman is most likely to have the most regular and well-conditioned mind. His head is like a huge spherical chamber, contain- ing a prodigious mass of soft brains, whereon the rational soul lies softly and snugly couched, as on a feather-bed ; and the eyes, which are the windows of the bedchamber, are usually half closed, that its slumberings may not be disturbed by external objects. A mind thus comfortably lodged, and protected from dis- turbance, is manifestly most likely to perform its functions with regularity and ease. By dint of good feeding, moreover, the mortal and ma- lignant soul, which is confined in the belly, and which, by its raging and roaring, puts the irritable soul in the neighborhood of the heart in an intolerable passion, and thus renders men crusty and quarrelsome when hungry, is com- pletely pacified, silenced, and put to rest, — whereupon a host of honest, good-fellow quali- ties and kind-hearted affections, which had lain perdue, slyly peeping out of the loop-holes of igs Distort of IRew l^orft the heart, finding this cerberus asleep, do pluck up their spirits, turn out one and all in their holiday suits, and gambol up and down the dia- phragm, — disposing their possessor to laughter, good-humor, and a thousand friendly offices towards his fellow-mortals. As a board of magistrates, formed on this principle, think but very little, they are the less likely to differ and wrangle about favorite opinions ; and as they generally transact busi- ness upon a hearty dinner, they are naturally disposed to be lenient and indulgent in the ad- ministration of their duties. Charlemagne was conscious of this, and therefore ordered in his cartularies that no judge should hold a court of justice, except in the morning, on an empty stomach — a pitiful rule, which I can never for- give, and which I warrant bore hard upon all the poor culprits in the kingdom. The more enlightened and humane generation of the present day have taken an opposite course, and have so managed that the aldermen are the best-fed men in the community ; feasting lust- ily on the fat things of the land, and gorging so heartily on oysters and tmrtles, that in process of time they acquire the activity of the one, and the form, the waddle, and the green fat of the other. The consequence is, as I have just said, these luxurious feastings do produce such a JSurcjomai3ter6 anO Scbcpena 197 dulcet equanimity and repose of the soul, ra- tional and irrational, that their transactions are proverbial for unvarying monotony ; and the profound laws which they enact in their dozing moments, amid the labors of digestion, are quietly suffered to remain as dead letters, and never enforced when awake. In a word, your fair, round-bellied burgomaster, like a full-fed mastiff, dozes quietly at the house-door, always at home, and always at hand to watch over its safety ; but as to electing a lean, meddling can- didate to the office, as has now and then been done, I would as lief put a greyhound to watch the house, or a race-horse to draw an ox-wagon. The burgomasters, then, as I have already mentioned, were wisely chosen by weight, and the schepens, or assistant aldermen, were ap- pointed to attend upon them and help them eat ; but the latter, in the course of time, when they had been fed and fattened into sufficient bulk of body and drowsiness of brain, became very eligible candidates for the burgomasters' chairs, having fairly eaten themselves into office, as a mouse eats his way into a comforta- ble lodgment in a goodly, blue-nosed, skimmed milk, New-England cheese. Nothing could equal the profound delibera- tions that took place between the renowned Wouter and these his worthy compeers, unless igS Iblstor^ of Iftew lt)orh it be the sage divans of some of our modern corporations. They would sit for hours, smoking and dozing over public affairs, without speaking a word to interrupt that perfect stillness so necessary to deep reflection. Under the sober sway of Wouter Van Twiller and these his worthy coadjutors, the infant settlement waxed vigorous apace, gradually emerging from the swamps and forests, and exhibiting that min- gled appearance of town and country, custom- ary in new cities, and which at this day may be witnessed in the city of Washington — that im- mense metropolis, which makes so glorious an appearance on paper. It was a pleasing sight, in those times, to be- hold the honest burgher, like a patriarch of yore, seated on the bench at the door of his whitewashed house, under the shade of some gigantic sycamore or overhanging willow. Here would he smoke his pipe of a sultry- after- noon, enjoying the soft southern breeze, and listening with silent gratulation to the clucking of his hens, the cackling of his geese, and the sonorous grunting of his swnne, — that combina- tion of farmyard melody which may truly be said to have a silver sound, inasmuch as it con- veys a certain assurance of profitable marketing. The modern spectator, who wanders through the streets of this populous city, can scarcely tlbe Mc66imB of flanorance 199 form an idea of the diflferent appearance they presented in the primitive days of the Doubter. The busy hum of multitudes, the shouts of revelry, the rumbling equipages of fashion, the rattling of accursed carts, and all the spirit- grieving sounds of brawling commerce, were unknown in the settlement of New Amsterdam. The grass grew quietly in the highways ; the bleating sheep and frolicsome calves sported about the verdant ridge, where now the Broad- way loungers take their morning stroll ; the cunning fox or ravenous wolf skulked in the woods, where now are to be seen the dens of Gomez and his righteous fraternity of money- brokers ; and flocks of vociferous geese cackled about the fields where now the great Tammany wigwam and the patriotic tavern of Martling echo with the wranglings of the mob. In these good times did a true and enviable equality of rank and property prevail, equally removed from the arrogance of wealth, and the servility and heart-burnings of repining pov- erty ; and, what in my mind is still more conducive to tranquillity and harmony among friends, a happy equality of intellect was like- wise to be seen. The minds of the good burghers of New Amsterdam seemed all to have been cast in one mould, and to be those honest, blunt minds, which, like certain manufactures, Ibistorg ot IRew l^ork are made by the gross, and considered as ex- ceedingly good for common use. Thus it happens that your true dull minds are generally preferred for public employ, and especially promoted to city honors ; your keen intellects, like razors, being considered too sharp for common service. I know that it is common to rail at the unequal distribution of riches, as the great source of jealousies, broils, and heart-burnings ; whereas, for my part, I verily believe it is the sad inequality of intellect that prevails, that embroils communities more than any thing else ; and I have remarked that your knowing people, who are so much wiser than anybody else, are eternally keeping soci- ety in a ferment. Happily for New Amster- dam, nothing of the kind was known within its walls ; the very words of learning, education, taste, and talents were unheard of; a bright genius was an animal unknown, and a blue- stocking lady would have been regarded with as much wonder as a horned frog or a fiery dragon. No man, in fact, seemed to know more than his neighbor, nor any man to know more than an honest man ought to know, who has nobody's business to mind but his own ; the parson and the council clerk were the only men that could read in the community, and the sage Van Twiller always signed his name with a cross. Effects of a 3fat Government 201 Thrice happy and ever to be envied little burgh ! existing in all the security of harmless insignificance, — unnoticed and unenvied by the world, without ambition, without vainglor\', without riches, without learning, and all their train of carking cares ; and as of yore, in the better days of man, the deities were wont to visit him on earth and bless his rural habita- tions, so, we are told, in the sylvan days of New- Amsterdam, the good St. Nicholas would often make his appearance in his beloved city, of a holiday afternoon, riding jollily among the tree-tops, or over the roofs of the houses, now and then drawing forth magnificent presents from his breeches-pockets, and dropping them down the chimneys of his favorites. Whereas, in these degenerate days of iron and brass, he never shows us the light of his countenance, nor ever visits us, save one night in the year, when he rattles down the chimneys of the de- scendants of patriarchs, confining his presents merely to the children, in token of the degen- eracy of the parents. Such are the comfortable and thriving effects of a fat government. The province of the New Netherlands, destitute of wealth, possessed a sweet tranquillity that wealth could never pur- chase. There were neither public commotions, nor private quarrels ; neither parties, nor sects, 202 Ibistoris of IFlcw ^ovk nor schisms ; neither persecutions, nor trials, nor punishments : nor were there counsellors, attorneys, catchpolls, or hangmen. Every man attended to what little business he was lucky enough to have, or neglected it if he pleased, without asking the opinion of his neighbor. In those days nobody meddled with concerns above his comprehension ; nor thrust his nose into other people's affairs ; nor neglected to correct his own conduct, and reform his own character, in his zeal to pull to pieces the charac- ter of others ; — but, in a word, every respectable citizen ate when he was not hungry, drank when he was not thirsty, and went regularly to bed when the sun set and the fowls went to roost, whether he w^as sleepy or not ; all which tended so remarkably to the population of the settlement, that I am told every dutiful wife throughout New Amsterdam made a point of enriching her husband with at least one child a year, and very often a brace, — this superabun- dance of good things clearly constituting the true luxury of life, according to the favorite Dutch maxim, that ' ' more than enough consti- tutes a feast." Every thing, therefore, went on exactly as it should do, and in the usual words employed by historians to express the welfare of a country, "the profoundest trayiquillity and repose reigned throughout the province." CHAPTER III. HOW THE TOWN OF NEW AMSTERDAM AROSE OUT OF MUD, AND CAME TO BE MARVEI.- I,OUSI% when the beauteous island of Mannahata presented a scene, the very counterpart of those glowing pictures drawn of the golden reign of Saturn, there was, as I have before observ-ed, a happy ignorance, an honest simplicity prevalent among its inhabitants, which, were I even able to depict, w^ould be but little understood by the degenerate age for which I am doomed to write. Bven the female sex, those arch innovators upon the tranquillity, the honesty, and gray- beard customs of society, seemed for a while to conduct themselves with incredible sobriety and comeliness. Their hair, untortured by the abominations Capacious ipochct5 215 of art, was scrupulously pomatumed back from their foreheads with a candle, and covered with a little cap of quilted calico, which fitted exactly to their heads. Their petticoats of linsey- woolsey were striped with a variety of gorgeous dyes, — though I must confess these gallant garments were rather short, scarce reaching below the knee ; but then they made up in the number, which generally equalled that of the gentleman's smallclothes ; and what is still more praiseworth}^, they were all of their own manufacture, — of which circumstance, as may well be supposed, they were not a little vain. These were the honest days in which every woman stayed at home, read the Bible, and wore pockets, — ay, and that too of a goodly size, fash- ioned with patchwork into many curious de- rices, and ostentatiously worn on the outside. These, in fact, were convenient receptacles, where all good housewives carefully stored away such things as they wished to have at hand , by which means they often came to be incredibly crammed ; and I remember there was a story current, when I was a boy, that the lady of Wouter Van T^riller once had occasion to empty her right pocket in search of a wooden ladle, when the contents filled a couple of corn baskets, and the utensil was discovered lying among some rubbish in one corner ; — ]mt we 2i6 Ibietot^ of 1Plew l^orft must not give too mucli faith to all these stories, the anecdotes of those remote periods being very subject to exaggeration. Besides these notable pockets, they likewise wore scissors and pin-cushions suspended from their girdles by red ribands, or, among the more opulent and showy classes, by brass, and even silver chains, — indubitable tokens of thrifty housewives and industrious spinsters. I cannot say much in vindication of the shortness of the petticoats ; it doubtless was introduced for the purpose of giving the stockings a chance to be seen, which were generally of blue worsted, with magnificent red clocks, — or, perhaps, to display a well-turned ankle, and a neat, though serviceable foot, set off by a high-heeled leath- ern shoe, with a large and splendid silver buckle. Thus we find that the gentle sex in all ages have shown the same disposition to in- fringe a little upon the laws of decorum, in order to betray a lurking beauty, or gratify an innocent love of finery. From the sketch here given, it will be seen that our good grandmothers differed consider- ably in their ideas of a fine figure from their scantily dressed descendants of the present day. A fine lady, in those times, waddled under more clothes, even on a fair summer's day, than would have clad the whole hevj of a tUsctul a^ornment6 modem ball-room. Nor were they the less ad- mired by the gentlemen in consequence there- of. On the contrary, the greatness of a lover's passion seemed to increase in proportion to the magnitude of its object, — and a voluminous damsel, arrayed in a dozen of petticoats, was declared by a Low-Dutch sonneteer of the prov- ince to be radiant as a sunflower, and luxuriant as a full-blown cabbage. Certain it is, that in those days the heart of a lover could not con- tain more than one lady at a time ; whereas the heart of a modern gallant has often room enough to accommodate half a dozen. The reason of which I conclude to be, that either the hearts of the gentlemen have grown larger, or the persons of the ladies smaller : this, how- ever, is a question for physiologists to deter- mine. But there was a secret charm in these pet- ticoats, which, no doubt, entered into the consideration of the prudent gallants. The wardrobe of a lady was in those days her only fortune ; and she who had a good stock of petti- coats and stockings was as absolutely an heiress as is a Kamtchatka damsel with a store of bear- skins, or a Lapland belle with a plenty of rein- deer. The ladies, therefore, were very anxious to display these powerful attractions to the greatest advantage ; and the best rooms in the 2i3 Ibistor^ of Bcw l^ork house, instead of being adorned with caricatures of dame nature, in water-colors and needle- work, were always hung round with abundance of homespun garments, the manufacture and the property of the females, — a piece of laudable ostentation that still prevails among the heiresses of our Dutch villages. The gentlemen, in fact, who figured in the circles of the gay world in these ancient times, corresponded in most particulars, with the beau- teous damsels whose smiles they were ambitious to deserve. True it is, their merits would make but a very inconsiderable impression upon the heart of a modern fair ; they neither drove their curricles, nor sported their tandems, for as yet those gaudy vehicles were not even dreamt of; neither did they distinguish themselves by their brilliancy at the table, and their consequent rencontres with watchmen, for our forefathers were of too pacific a disposition to need those guardians of the night, every soul throughout the town being sound asleep before nine o'clock. Neither did they establish their claims to gen- tility at the expense of their tailors, for as yet those offenders against the pockets of society, and the tranquillity of all aspiring young gentle- men, were unknown in New Amsterdam ; every good housewife made the clothes of her husband and family, and even the goede vrouw of Van Gas Cavaliers 219 Twiller himself thought it no disparagement to cut out her husband's linsey-woolsey galligas- kins. Not but what there were some two or three youngsters who manifested the first dawning of what is called fire and spirit ; who held all labor in contempt ; skulked about docks and market- places ; loitered in the sunshine; squandered what little money they could procure at hustle- cap and chuck-farthing ; swore, boxed, fought cocks, and raced their neighbors' horses ; in short, who promised to be the wonder, the talk, and abomination of the town, had not their stylish career been unfortunately cut short by an affair of honor with a whipping-post. Far other, however, was the truly fashionable gentleman of those days ; his dress, which serv' ed for both morning and evening, street and drawing-room, was a linsey-woolsey coat, made, perhaps, by the fair hands of the mistress of his affections, and gallantly bedecked with abundance of large brass buttons ; half a score of breeches heightened the proportions of his figure ; his shoes were decorated by enormous copper buckles ; a low-crowned broad-brimmed hat overshadowed his burly visage ; and his hair dangled down his back in a prodigious queue of eel-skin. Thus equipped, he would manfully sally forth, 220 1bl6tor^ of IRcw l^orft with pipe in mouth, to besiege some fair dam- sel's obdurate heart, — not such a pipe, good reader, as that which Acis did sweetly tune in praise of his Galatea, but one of true Delft manufacture, and furnished with a charge of fragrant tobacco. With this would he reso- lutely set himself down before the fortress, and rarely failed, in the process of time, to smoke the fair enemy into a surrender, upon honorable terms. Such was the happy reign of Wouter Van Twiller, celebrated in many a long-forgotten song as the real golden age, the rest being noth- ing but counterfeit copper-washed coin. In that delightful period, a sweet and holy calm reigned over the whole province. The burgo- master smoked his pipe in peace ; the substan- tial solace of his domestic cares, after her daily toils were done, sat soberly at the door, with her arms crossed over her apron of snowy white, without being insulted with ribald street-walk- ers or vagabond boys, — those unlucky urchins who do so infest our streets, displaying, under the roses of youth, the thorns and briers of in- iquity. Then it was that the lover with ten breeches, and the damsel with petticoats of half a score, indulged in all the innocent endear- ments of virtuous love, without fear and with- out reproach ; for what had that virtue to fear, ^be (3olDcn Bae which was defended by a shield of good linsey- woolseys, equal at least to the seven bull-hides of the invincible Ajax ? Ah, blissful and never-to-be-forgotten age ! when every thing was better than it has ever been since, or ever will be again, — when Butter- milk Channel was quite dry at low water, — when the shad in the Hudson were all salmon, — and when the moon shone with a pure and resplen- dent whiteness, instead of that melancholy yel- low light which is the consequence of her sick- ening at the abominations she every night witnesses in this degenerate city ! Happy would it have been for New Amster- dam could it always have existed in this state of blissful ignorance and lowly simplicity ; but, alas ! the da3'S of childhood are too sweet to last ! Cities, like men, grow out of them in time, and are doomed alike to grow into the bustle, the cares, and miseries of the world. Let no man congratulate himself, when he beholds the child of his bosom or the city of his birth in- creasing in magnitude and importance, — let the histor)' of his own life teach him the dangers of the one, and this excellent little history of Man- nahata convince him of the calamities of the other. CHAPTER V. OF THE FOUNDING OF FORT AURANIA — OF THE ]M\'STERIES OF THE HUDSON — OF THE ARRI- VAI, OF THE PATROON KILWAN VAN RENSEIv I,AER ; HIS I.ORDI.Y DESCENT UPON THE EARTH, AND HIS INTRODUCTION OF CI,UB- I' and what it was in the classic days of our forefathers. Where the government house by name, but the custom-house by occupation, proudly reared its brick walls and wooden pil- lars, there whilom stood the low, but substan- tial, red-tiled mansion of the renowned Wouter 228 Ibistorg of mew ^ovk Van Twiller. Around it the mighty bulwarks of Fort Amsterdam frowned defiance to every absent foe ; but, like many a whiskered warrior and gallant militia captain, confined their mar- tial deeds to frowns alone. The mud breast- works had long been levelled with the earth, and their site converted into the green lawns and leafy alleys of the Battery ; where the gay apprentice sported his Sunday coat, and the laborious mechanic, relieved from the dirt and drudgery of the week, poured his weekly tale of love into the half-averted ear of the senti- mental chambermaid. The capacious bay still presented the same expansive sheet of water, studded with islands, sprinkled with fishing- boats, and bounded by shores of picturesque beauty. But the dark forests which once clothed those shores had been violated by the savage hand of cultivation, and their tangled mazes, and impenetrable thickets, had degener- ated into teeming orchards, and waving fields of grain. Even Governor's Island, once a smil- ing garden, appertaining to the sovereigns of the province, was now covered with fortifica- tions, inclosing a tremendous block-house, — so that this once peaceful island resembled a fierce little warrior in a big cocked hat, breathing gunpowder and defiance to the world ! For some time did I indulge in a pensive Bn Butumn ©a^ 229 train of thought ; contrasting, in sober sadness, the present day with the hallowed years behind the mountains ; lamenting the melancholy progress of improvement, and praising the zeal with which our worthy burghers endeavored to preserve the wrecks of venerable customs, preju- dices, and errors from the overwhelming tide of modem innovation, — when, by degrees, my ideas took a different turn, and I insensibly awakened to an enjoyment of the beauties around me. It was one of those rich autumnal days which heaven particularly bestows upon the beauteous island of Mannahata and its vicinity, — not a floating cloud obscured the azure firmament, — the sun, rolling in glorious splendor through his ethereal course, seemed to expand his honest Dutch countenance into an unusual expression of benevolence, as he smiled his evening salu- tation upon a city which he delights to visit with his most bounteous beams, — the ver\' winds seemed to hold in their breaths in mute atten- tion, lest they should ruffle the tranquillity of the hour, — and the waveless bosom of the bay presented a polished mirror, in which nature beheld herself and smiled. The standard of our city, reser\'ed like a choice handkerchief, for days of gala, hung motionless on the flag- staff, which forms the handle of a gigantic 23^^ 1bf6tori? of 1ftcw l^orh cliuni ; and even the tremulous leaves of the poplar and the aspen ceased to vibrate to the breath of heaven. Every thing seemed to acqui- esce in the profound repose of nature. The formidable eighteen -pounders slept in the em- brasures of the wooden batteries, seemingly gathering fresh strength to fight the battles of their country on the next fourth of July ; the solitary drum on Governor's Island forgot to call the garrison to their shovels ; the evening gun had not yet sounded its signal for all the regu- lar well-meaning poultry throughout the coun- try to go to roost ; and the fleet of canoes, at anchor between Gibbet Island and Communi- paw, slumbered on their rakes, and suffered the innocent oysters to lie for a while unmolested in the soft mud of their native banks ! My own feelings sympathized with the contagious tran- quillity, and I should infallibly have dozed upon one of those fragments of benches, which our benevolent magistrates have provided for the benefit of convalescent loungers, had not the extraordinary inconvenience of the couch set all repose at defiance. In the midst of this slumber of the soul, my attention was attracted to a black speck, peering above the western horizon, just in the rear of Bergen steeple ; gradually it augments and over- hangs the would-be cities of Jersey, Harsimus, B Zbnnbcv Storm 231 and Hoboken, which, like three jockies, are starting on the course of existence, and jostling each other at the commencement of the race. Now it skirts the long shore of ancient Pavonia, spreading its wide shadows from the high settle- ments of Weehawk quite to the lazaretto and quarantine erected by the sagacity of our police, for the embarrassment of commerce ; now it climbs the serene vault of heaven, cloud rolling over cloud, shrouding the orb of day, darkening the vast expanse, and bearing thunder and hail and tempest in its bosom. The earth seems agitated at the confusion of the heavens ; the late waveless mirror is lashed into furious waves that roll in hollow murmurs to the shore ; the oyster-boats that erst sported in the placid vicin- ity of Gibbet Island, now hurry affrighted to the land ; the poplar writhes and twists and whistles in the blast ; torrents of drenching rain and sounding hail deluge the Battery walks ; the gates are thronged by apprentices, ser^-ant- maids, and little Frenchmen, with pocket-hand- kerchiefs over their hats, scampering from the storm ; the late beauteous prospect presents one see:'. 2 of anarchy and wild uproar, as though old Chaos had resumed his reign, and was hurl- ing back into one vast turmoil the conflicting eler.ents of nature. Whether I fled from the fury of the storm, or 232 IbiBton? of mew l^orft remained boldly at my post, as our gallant train- band captains who march their soldiers through the rain without flinching, are points which I leave to the conjecture of the reader. It is pos- sible he may be a little perplexed also to know the reason why I introduced this tremendous tempest to disturb the serenity of my work. On this latter point I will gratuitously instruct his ignorance. The panorama view of the Battery was given merely to gratify the reader with a correct description of that celebrated place and the parts adjacent ; secondly, the storm was played off, partly to give a little bustle and life to this tranquil part of my work, and to keep my drowsy readers from falling asleep, and partly to serve as an overture to the tempestuous times which are about to assail the pacific prov- ince of Nieuw Nederlandts, and which overhang the slumbrous administration of the renowned Wouter Van Twiller. It is thus the experienced playwright puts all the fiddles, the French-horns, the kettle-drums, and trumpets of his orchestra in requisition, to usher in one of those horrible and brimstone uproars called melodramas, — and it is thus he discharges his thunder, his lightning, his rosin, and saltpetre, preparatory to the rising of a ghost or the murdering of a hero. We will now proceed with our history. Whatever may be advanced by philosophers B 3Fal0e Security 233 to the contrary, I am of opinion, that, as to na- tions, the old maxim, that " honesty is the best poHcy," is a sheer and ruinous mistake. It might have answered well enough in the honest times when it was made ; but in these degener- ate days, if a nation pretends to rely merely upon the justice of its dealings, it will fare something like the honest man who fell among thieves, and found his honesty a poor protection against bad company. Such, at least, was the case with the guileless government of the New Netherlands ; which, like a worthy unsuspi- cious old biirgher, quietly settled itself down in the city of New Amsterdam, as into a snug elbow-chair, and fell into a comfortable nap, while, in the meantime, its cunning neighbors stepped in and picked its pockets. In a word, we may ascribe the commencement of all the woes of this great province, and its magnificent metropolis, to the tranquil security, or, to speak more accurately, to the unfortunate honesty of its government. But as I dislike to begin an important part of my history towards the end of a chapter, and as my readers, like myself, must doubtless be exceedingly fatigued with the long walk we have taken, and the tempest we have sustained, I hold it meet we shut up the book, smoke a pipe, and, having thus refreshed our spirits, take a fair start in a new chapter. CHAPTER VII. FAlTHIfUI,I.Y DESCRIBING THE INGENIOUS PEO- PI,E OE CONNECTICUT AND THEREABOUTS — SHOWING, MOREOVER, THE TRUE MEANING OF LIBERTY OF CONSCIENCE, AND A CURIOUS DEVICE AMONG THESE STURDY BARBARIANS TO KEEP UP A HARMONY OF INTERCOURSE, AND PROMOTE POPUIvATION. THAT my readers ma)- the more fully com- prehend the extent of the calamity, at this very moment impending over the honest, unsuspecting province of Nieuw Nederlandts, and its dubious governor, it is necessary that I should give some account of a horde of strange barbarians, bordering upon the eastern frontier. Now so it came to pass, that, many years pre- vious to the time of which we are treating, the sage cabinet of England had adopted a certain national creed, a kind of public walk of faith, or rather a religious turnpike, in which every loyal subject was directed to travel to Zion, — taking care to pay the toll-gatherers by the way. Strag Sbcep 235 Albeit a certain shrewd race of men, being very much given to indulge their own opinions on all manner of subjects, (a propensity exceed- ingly offensive to your free governments of Europe,) did most presumptuously dare to think for themselves in matters of religion, exercising what they considered a natural and unextinguishable right — the liberty of con- science. As, however, they possessed that ingenious habit of mind which always thinks aloud, which rides cock-a-hoop on the tongue, and is forever galloping into other people's ears, it naturally followed that their liberty of conscience likewise implied liberty of speech, which being freely indulged, soon put the country in a hubbub, and aroused the pious indignation of the vigi- lant fathers of the Church. The usual methods were adopted to reclaim them, which in those days were considered effi- cacious in bringing back stray sheep to the fold; that is to say, they were coaxed, they were admonished, they were menaced, they were buffeted, — line upon line, precept upon precept, lash upon lash, here a little and there a great deal, were exhorted without mercy and without success, — until the worthy pastors of the Church, wearied out by their unparallaled stubbornness, were driven, in the excess of ^36 Ibistorg of Iftevv ^ovk their tender mercy, to adopt the Scripture text, and literally to "heap live embers on their heads." Nothing, however, could subdue that inde- pendence of the tongue which has ever dis- tinguished this singular race, so that, rather than subject that heroic member to further tyranny, they one and all embarked for the wilderness of America, to enjoy, unmolested, the inestimable right of talking. And, in fact, no sooner did they land upon the shore of this free-spoken country, than they all lifted up their voices, and made such a clamor of tongues, that we are told they frightened every bird and beast out of the neighborhood, and struck such mute terror into certain fish, that they have been called dumb-fish ever since. This may appear marvellous, but it is never- theless true ; in proof of which I would obsers^e that the dumb-fish has ever since become an object of superstitious reverence, and forms the Saturday's dinner of every true Yankee. The simple aborigines of the land for a while contemplated these strange folk in utter aston- ishment ; but discovering that they wielded harmless though noisy weapons, and were a lively, ingenious, good-humored race of men, they became very friendly and sociable, and gave them the name of Ya?wkies, which in the Zbc l^an^ces 237 Mais-Tchusaeg (or Massachusett) language sig- nifies silent niefiy — a waggish appellation, since shortened into the familiar epithet of Yankees, which they retain unto the present day. True it is, and my fidelity as an historian will not allow me to pass over the fact, that, having served a regular apprenticeship in the school of persecution, these ingenious people soon showed that they had become masters of the art. The great majority were of one particular mode of thinking in matters of religion ; but, to their great surprise and indignation, they found that divers Papists, Quakers, and Anabaptists were springing up among them, and all claim- ing to use the liberty of speech. This was at once pronounced a daring abuse of the liberty of conscience, which they now insisted was nothing more than the liberty to think as one pleased in matters of religion — provided one thought right ; for otherwise it would be giving a latitude to damnable heresies. Now as they, the majority, were convinced that they alone thought right, it consequently followed that whoever thought different from them thought wrong, — and whoever thought wrong, and ob- stinately persisted in not being convinced and converted, was a flagrant violator of the inesti- mable liberty of conscience, and a corrupt and infectious member of the body politic, and de- 238 1bistori5 ot IFlew L>orK served to be lopped off and cast into the fire. The consequence of all which was a fiery per- secution of divers sects, and especially of Quakers. Now I '11 warrant there are hosts of my read- ers ready at once to lift up their hands and eyes, with that virtuous indignation with which we contemplate the faults and errors of our neighbors, and to exclaim at the preposterous idea of convincing the mind by tormenting the body, and establishing the doctrine of charity and forbearance by intolerant persecution. But in simple truth, what are we doing this very day, and in this very enlightened nation, but acting upon the very same principle in our political controversies ? Have we not within but a few years released ourselves from the shackles of a government which cruelly denied us the privilege of governing ourselves, and using in full latitude that invaluable member, the tongue ? and are we not at this very moment striving our best to tyrannize over the opinions, tie up the tongues, and ruin the fortunes of one another? What are our great political societies, but mere political inquisitions, — our pot-house committees, but little tribunals of denunciation, — our newspapers, but mere whipping-posts and pillories, where unfortunate individuals are pelted with rotten eggs, — and our council of JBunOling 239 appointment, but a grand auto da fe, where culprits are annually sacrificed for their politi- cal heresies ? Where, then, is the difference in principle between our measures and those you are so ready to condemn among the people I am treat- ing of? There is none ; the difference is merely circumstantial. Thus we detwunce^ instead of banishing, — we libel, instead of scourging, — we turn out of office, instead of hanging, — and where they burnt an offender in proper person, we either tar and feather, or burn him i^i effigy, — this political persecution being, somehow or other, the grand palladium of our liberties, and an incontrovertible proof that this is a free country. But notwithstanding the fervent zeal with which this holy war was prosecuted against the whole race of unbelievers, we do not find that the population of this new colony was in any wise hindered thereby ; on the contrary, they multiplied to a degree which would be incredible to any man unacquainted with the marvellous fecundity of this growing country. This amazing increase may, indeed, be partly ascribed to a singular custom prevalent among them, commonly known by the name of bun- dling, — a superstitious rite observed by the young 240 Ibistorg ot IRew ^oxk people of both sexes, with which they usually terminated their festivities, and which was kept up with religious strictness by the more bigoted part of the community. This ceremony was likewise, in those primitive times, considered as an indispensable preliminary to matrimony, their courtships commencing where ours usually finish, — by which means they acquired that in- timate acquaintance with each other's good qualities before marriage, which has been pro- nounced by philosophers the sure basis of a happy union. Thus early did this cunning and ingenious people display a shrewdness of mak- ing a bargain, which has ever since distin- guished them, — and a strict adherence to the good old vulgar maxim about " buying a pig in a poke." To this sagacious custom, therefore, do I chiefly attribute the unparalleled increase of the Yanokie or Yankee race ; for it is a certain fact, well authenticated by court records and parish registers, that, wherever the practice of bundling prevailed, there was an amazing num- ber of sturdy brats annually born unto the State, without the license of the law, or the benefit of clergy. Neither did the irregularity of their birth operate in the least to their dis- paragement. On the contrary, they grew up a long-sided, raw-boned, hardy race of whoreson 'Unparalleled "Ifncrease 241 whalers, wood-cutters, fishermen, and peddlers, and strapping corn-fed wenches, — who by their united efforts tended marv^ellously towards peo- pling those notable tracts of country called Nantucket, Piscataway, and Cape Cod. « CHAPTER VIII. HOW THESE SINGUI^AR BARBARIANS TURNED OUT TO BE NOTORIOUS SQUATTERS — HOW THEY BUILT AIR-CASTLES, AND ATTEMPTED TO INITIATE THE NEDERLANDERS INTO THE MYSTERY OF BUNDLING. IN the last chapter I have given a faithful and unprejudiced account of the origin of that singular race of people inhabiting the country eastward of the Nieuw Nederlandts ; but I have yet to mention certain peculiar habits which rendered them exceeding annoying to our ever- honored Dutch ancestors. The most prominent of these was a certain rambling propensity, with which, like the sons of Ishmael, they seem to have been gifted by heaven, and which continually goads them on to shift their residence from place to place, so that a Yankee farmer is in a constant state of migration, tarrying occasionally here and there, clearing lands for other people to enjoy, build- ing houses for others to inhabit, and in a man- tMr^b ot tbc IL'anKees 243 ner may be considered the wandering Arab of America. His first thought, on coming to years of man- hood, is to se^^le himself in the world, — which means nothing more nor less than to begin his rambles. To this end he takes unto himself for a wife some buxom country heiress, passing rich in red ribbons, glass beads, and mock tortoise- shell combs, w4th a white gown and morocco shoes for Sunday, and deeply skilled in the mystery of making apple-sweetmeats, long sauce, and pumpkin-pie. Ha\dng thus provided himself, like a peddler wnth a heavy knapsack, wherewith to regale his shoulders through the journey of life, he literal- ly sets out on the peregrination. His whole family, household furniture, and farming uten- sils are hoisted into a covered cart, his own and his wife's wardrobe packed up in a firkin, — which done, he shoulders his axe, takes staff in hand, whistles "Yankee Doodle," and trudges off to the woods, as confident of the protection of Providence, and relying as cheerfully upon his own resources, as ever did a patriarch of yore when he journeyed into a strange country of the Gentiles. Having buried himself in the wilderness, he builds himself a log hut, clears away a cornfield and potato-patch, and. Provi- dence smiling upon his labors, is soon sur- 244 fbietov^ ot mew ll)ork rounded by a snug farm and some half a score of flaxen-headed urchins, who, by their size, seem to have sprung all at once out of the earth, like a crop of toadstools. But it is not the nature of this most indefati- gable of speculators to rest contented with any state of sublunary enjoyment ; improvement is his darling passion ; and having thus improved his lands, the next care is to provide a mansion worthy the residence of a landholder. A huge palace of pine boards immediately springs up in the midst of the wilderness, large enough for a parish church, and furnished with windows of all dimensions, but so rickety and flimsy withal, that every blast gives it a fit of the ague. By the time the outside of this mighty air- castle is completed, either the funds or the zeal of our adventurer is exhausted, so that he bare- ly manages to furnish one room within, where the whole family burrow together, — while the rest of the house is devoted to the curing of pumpkins, or storing of carrots and potatoes, and is decorated with fanciful festoons of dried apples and peaches. The outside, remaining unpainted, grows venerably black with time ; the family wardrobe is laid under contribution for old hats, petticoats, and breeches to stuff into the broken windows, while the four winds of heaven keep up a whistling and howling Zbciv 1Rc6tle6enc66 245 about this aerial palace, and play as many un- ruly gambols as they did of yore in the cave of old ^^olus. The humble log hut, which whilom nestled this improving family snugly within its narrow but comfortable walls, stands hard by, in igno- minious contrast, degraded into a cow-house or pigsty ; and the whole scene reminds one forcibly of a fable, which I am surprised has never been recorded, of an aspiring snail, who abandoned his humble habitation, which he had long filled with great respectability, to crawl into the empty shell of a lobster, — where he would no doubt have resided with great style and splendor, the envy and the hate of all the painstaking snails in the neighbor- hood, had he not perished with cold in one comer of his stupendous mansion. Being thus completely settled, and, to use his own words, " to rights," one would imagine that he would begin to enjoy the comforts of his situation, — to read newspapers, talk poli- tics, neglect his own business, and attend to the affairs of the nation, like a useful and patri- otic citizen ; but now it is that his wayward disposition begins again to operate. He soon grows tired of a spot where there is no longer any room for improvement, — sells his farm, air-castle, petticoat windows, and all, reloads 246 1bi6tor^ of flew ^oxf{ ^ his cart, shoulders his axe, puts himself at the head of his family, and wanders away in search of new lands, — again to fell trees, — again to clear cornfields, — again to build a shingle pal- ace, and again to sell off and wander. Such were the people of Connecticut, who bordered upon the eastern frontier of New Netherlands ; and my readers may easily imagine what un- comfortable neighbors this light-hearted but restless tribe must have been to our tranquil progenitors. If they cannot, I would ask them if they have ever known one of our regular, well-organized Dutch families, whom it hath pleased heaven to afflict with the neighborhood of a French boarding-house ? The honest old burgher cannot take his afternoon's pipe on the bench before his door, but he is persecuted with the scraping of fiddles, the chattering of women, and the squalling of children ; he can- not sleep at night for the horrible melodies of some amateur, who chooses to serenade the moon, and display his terrible proficiency in execution on the clarionet, hautboy, or some other soft-toned instrument ; nor can he leave the street-door open but his house is defiled by the unsavory visits of a troop of pup-dogs, who even sometimes carry their loathsome ravages into the saiictum sanctorum, the parlor. If my readers have ever witnessed the suffer- Dolubiliti? an& UnQwisitivcncsB 247 ings of such a family, so situated, they may form some idea how our worthy ancestors were distressed by their mercurial neighbors of Con- necticut. Gangs of these marauders, we are told, pene- trated into the New Netherland settlements, and threw whole ^411ages into consternation by their unparalleled volubility and their intolera- ble inquisitiveness, — two evil habits hitherto unknown in those parts, or only known to be abhorred ; for our ancestors were noted as being men of truly Spartan taciturnity, and who neither knew nor cared aught about anybody's concerns but their own. Many enormities were committed on the highways, where several un- offending burghers were brought to a stand, and tortured with questions and guesses, — which outrages occasioned as much vexation and heart-burning as does the modern right of search on the high seas. Great jealousy did they likewise stir up by their intermeddling and successes among the divine sex ; for, being a race of brisk, likely, pleasant-ton gued varlets, they soon seduced the light affections of the simple damsels from their ponderous Dutch gallants. Among other hid- eous customs, the}' attempted to introduce among them that of bundling, which the Dutch lasses of the Nederlandts, with that eager pas- ^48 Ibistors of IRcw l^ork sion for novelty and foreign fashions natural to their sex, seemed very well inclined to follow, but that their mothers, being more experienced in the world, and better acquainted with men and things, strenuously discountenanced all such outlandish innovations. But what chiefly operated to embroil our ancestors with these strange folk was an un- warrantable liberty which they occasionally took of entering in hordes into the territories of the New Netherlands, and settling them- selves down, without leave or license, to improve the land, in the manner I have before noticed. This unceremonious mode of taking possession of new land was technically termed squatting, and hence is derived the appellation of squat- ters, — a name odious in the ears of all great landholders, and which is given to those enter- prising worthies who seize upon land first, and take their chance to make good their title to it afterwards. All these grievances, and many others which were constantly accumulating, tended to form that dark and portentous cloud, which, as I ob- served in a former chapter, was slowly gathering over the tranquil province of New Netherlands. The pacific cabinet of Van Twiller, however, as will be perceived in the sequel, bore them all with a magnanimity that redounds to their im- passive :ien&urancc mortal credit, becoming by passive endurance inured to this increasing mass of wrongs, — like that mighty man of old, who, by dint of carry- ing about a calf from the time it was born, con- tinued to carry it without difficulty when it had grown to be an ox. CHAPTER IX. HOW THK FORT GOED HOOP WAS FEARFUI.I.Y BEn I.EAGUERED — HOW THE RENOWNED WOUTER FEI.Iv INTO A PROFOUND DOUBT, AND HOW HE FINAIvIvY EVAPORATED. BY this time my readers must fully perceive what an arduous task I have undertaken, — exploring a little kind of Herculaneum of history, which had lain nearly for ages buried under the rubbish of years, and almost totally forgotten, — raking up the limbs and fragments of disjointed facts, and endeavoring to put them scrupulously together, so as to restore them to their original form and connection, — how lug- ging forth the character of an almost forgotten hero, like a mutilated statue, now deciphering a half-defaced inscription, and now lighting upon a mouldering manuscript, which, after painful study, scarce repays the trouble of perusal. jfellovvslbistorlans 251 In such case, how much has the reader to de- pend upon the honor and probity of his author, lest, like a cunning antiquarian, he either im- pose upon him some spurious fabrication of his own for a precious relic of antiquity, or else dress up the dismembered fragment with such false trappings, that it is scarcely possible to distinguish the truth from the fiction with which it is enveloped. This is a grievance which I have more than once had to lament, in the course of my wearisome researches among the works of my fellow-historians, who have strangely disguised and distorted the facts re- specting this country, and particularly respect- ing the great province of New Netherlands ; as will be perceived by any who will take the trouble to compare their romantic efi"usions, tricked out in the meretricious gauds of fable, with this authentic history. I have had more vexations of the kind to en- counter, in those parts of my history which treat of the transactions on the eastern border, than in any other, in consequence of the troops of historians who have infested these quarters, and have shown the honest people of Nieuw Nederlandts no mercy in their works. Among the rest, Mr. Benjamin Trumbull arrogantly de- clares that "the Dutch were always mere in- truders." Now, to this I shall make no other 252 Ibistor^ of IFlcw ll)ork 1 reply than to proceed in the steady narration of my history, which will contain not only proofs that the Dutch had clear title and possession in the fair valleys of the Connecticut, and that they were wrongfully dispossessed thereof, but likewise, that they have been scandalously maltreated ever since by the misrepresenta- tions of the crafty historians of New England. And in this I shall be guided by a spirit of truth and impartiality, and a regard to im- mortal fame ; for I would not wittingly dis- honor my work by a single falsehood, mis- representation, or prejudice, though it should gain our forefathers the whole country of New England. I have already noticed, in a former chapter of my history, that the territories of the Nieuw Nederlandts extended on the east quite to the Varsche, or Fresh, or Connecticut River. Here, at an early period, had been established a fron- tier post on the bank of the river, and called Fort Goed Hoop, not far from the site of the present fair city of Hartford. It was placed under the command of Jacobus Van Curlet, or Curlis, as some historians will have it, — a doughty soldier, of that stomachful class fa- mous for eating all they kill. He was long in the body and short in the limb, as though a tall man's body had been mounted on a little man's Measures ot Defence 253 legs. He made up for this turnspit construc- tion by striding to such an extent, that you would have sworn he had on the seven-leagued boots of Jack the Giant-killer ; and so high did he tread on parade, that his soldiers were some- times alarmed lest he should trample himself under foot. But notwithstanding the erection of this fort and the appointment of this ugly little man of war as commander, the Yankees continued the interlopings hinted at in my last chapter, and at length had the audacity to squat themselves down within the jurisdiction of Fort Goed Hoop. The long-bodied Van Curlet protested with great spirit against these unwarrantable en- croachments, couching his protest in Low Dutch, by way of inspiring more terror, and forthwith dispatched a copy of the protest to the governor at New Amsterdam, together with a long and bitter account of the aggressions of the enemy. This done, he ordered his men, one and all, to be of good cheer, shut the gate of the fort, smoked three pipes, went to bed, and awaited the result with a resolute and in- trepid tranquillity, that greatly animated his adherents, and no doubt struck sore dismay and affright into the hearts of the enemy. Now it came to pass, that about this time the 254 1bi0tors ot 1Flew l^ork renowned Wouter Van Twiller, full of years and honors, and council-dinners, had reached that period of life and faculty which, according to the great Gulliver, entitles a man to admission into the ancient order of Struldbruggs. He employed his time in smoking his Turkish pipe, amid an assemblage of sages, equally enlightened and nearly as venerable as himself, and who, for their silence, their gravity, their wisdom, and their cautious averseness to com- ing to any conclusion in business, are only to be equalled by certain profound corporations which I have known in my time. Upon read- ing the protest of the gallant Jacobus Van Curlet, therefore, his excellency fell straight- way into one of the deepest doubts that ever he was known to encounter ; his capacious head gradually drooped on his chest, he closed his eyes, and inclined his ear to one side, as if listening with great attention to the discussion that was going on in his belly, — and which all who knew him declared to be the huge court- house or council-chamber of his thoughts, form- ing to his head what the House of Representa- tives does to the Senate. An inarticulate sound, very much resembling a snore, occasionally es- caped him ; but the nature of this internal cogi- tation was never known, as he never opened his lips on the subject to man, woman, or child. jfate ot tbe protest 255 In the meantime, the protest of Van Curlet lay quietly on the table, where it served to light the pipes of the venerable sages assembled in council ; and in the great smoke which they raised, the gallant Jacobus, his protest, and his mighty Fort Goed Hoop were soon as com- pletely beclouded and forgotten as is a question of emergency swallowed up in the speeches and resolutions of a modem session of Congress, There are certain emergencies when your profound legislators and sage deliberative coun- cils are mightily in the way of a nation, and when an ounce of hare-brained decision is worth a pound of sage doubt and cautious discussion. Such, at least, was the case at present ; for, while the renowned Wouter Van Twiller was daily battling with his doubts, and his resolu- tion growing weaker and weaker in the contest, the enemy pushed farther and farther into his territories, and assumed a most formidable ap- pearance in the neighborhood of Fort Goed Hoop. Here they founded the mighty town of Pyquag, or, as it has since been called, JVeathers- field, a place which, if we may credit the asser- tions of that worthy historian, John Josselyn, Gent., " hath been infamous by reason of the witches therein." And so daring did these men of Pyquag become, that they extended those plantations of onions, for which their 256 Ibistor^ ot IRcw ^ot\\ town is Illustrious, under the very noses of the garrison of Fort Goed Hoop, insomuch that the honest Dutchmen could not look toward that quarter without tears in their eyes. This crying injustice was regarded with proper indignation by the gallant Jacobus Van Curlet. He absolutely trembled with the vio- lence of his choler and the exacerbations of his valor, which were the more turbulent in their workings from the length of the body in which they were agitated. He forthwith proceeded to strengthen his redoubts, heighten his breast- works, deepen his fosse, and fortify his position with a double row of abatis ; after which he dispatched a fresh courier with accounts of his perilous situation. The courier chosen to bear the dispatches was a fat, oily, little man, as being less liable to be worn out, or toloseleatheron the journey ; and to insure his speed, he was mounted on the fleetest wagon-horse in the garrison, remarkable for length of limb, largeness of bone, and hard- ness of trot, and so tall, that the little messen- ger was obliged to climb on his back by means of his tail and crupper. Such extraordinary speed did he make that he arrived at Fort Am- sterdam in a little less than a mouth, though the distance was full two hundred pipes, or about one hundred and twenty miles. Brrival of tbe Courier 257 With an appearance of great hurry and busi- ness, and smoking a short travelling-pipe, he proceeded on a long swing-trot through the muddy lanes of the metropolis, demolishing whole batches of dirt-pies, which the little Dutch children were making in the road ; and for which kind of pastry the children of this city have ever been famous. On arriving at the governor's house, he climbed down from his steed, roused the gray-headed door-keeper, old Skaats, who, like his lineal descendant and faithful representative, the venerable crier of our court, was nodding at his post, rattled the door of the council-chamber, and startled the members as they were dozing over a plan for establishing a public market. At that very moment a gentle grunt, or rather a deep-drawn snore, was heard from the chair of the governor ; a whiff of smoke was at the same instant obser\-ed to escape from his lips, and a light cloud to ascend from the bowl of his pipe. The council, of course supposed him engaged in deep sleep for the good of the com- munity, and, according to custom in all such cases established, every man bawled out silence, when, of a sudden, the door flew open, and the little courier straddled into the apartment, cased to the middle in a pair of Hessian boots, which he had got into for the sake of expedi- Ibietor^ ot IRcw I)orh tion. In his right hand he held forth the ominous dispatches, and with the left he grasped firmly the waistband of his galligaskins, which had unfortunately given way in the exertion of descending from his horse. He stumped reso- lutely up to the governor, and with more hurry than perspicuity delivered his message. But fortunately his ill tidings came too late to ruffle the tranquillity of this most tranquil of rulers. His venerable excellency had just breathed and smoked his last, — his lungs and his pipe ha\dng been exhausted together, and his peaceful soul having escaped in the last whiff that curled from his tobacco-pipe. In a word, the renowned Walter the Doubter, who had so often slum- bered with his contemporaries, now slept with his fathers, and Wilhelmus Kieft governed in his stead. BOOK IV. CONTAINING THE CHRONICIvES OF WII