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 University of California • Berkeley 
 A Gift of the Hearst Corporation 
 
Digitized by the Internet Archive 
 
 in 2008 with funding from 
 
 IVIicrosoft Corporation 
 
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SYLVIE AND BRUNO 
 
SYLVIE AND BRUNO 
 
 BY 
 
 LEWIS CARROLL 
 
 WITH FORTY-SIX ILLUSTRATIONS 
 
 BY 
 
 HARRY FURNISS 
 
 ITonbon 
 MACMILLAN AND CO. 
 
 AND NEW YORK 
 1890 
 
 Tht Right 0f TrauslatioH ami Reproduction is Ktservtd 
 
Pkesswork by John Wilson and Son, 
 University Press. 
 
$0 all out Uife, t!)en, tut a tiream 
 S^en fainthj in ti)e goltien gleam 
 ^tjtoart Cime'js tarfe xtmtUm stream? 
 
 ISohjftj to tf)e earti^ b)it!) titter tooe, 
 Or laugf)ing at some raree^^jsftoto, 
 Wit flutter itilg to antj fro. 
 
 i^lan's little Bag in taste toe gpcntj, 
 ^ntr, from itis merrg noontite, sentr 
 i^o glance to meet tf)e jfUent ent. 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 One little picture in this book, the Magic Locket, 
 at p. 77, was drawn by * Miss Alice Havers.' I did 
 not state this on the title-page, since it seemed only- 
 due, to the artist of all these (to my mind) wonderful 
 pictures, that his name should stand there alone. 
 
 The descriptions, at pp. 386, 387, of Sunday as 
 spent by children of the last generation, are quoted 
 verbatim from a speech made to me by a child-friend 
 and a letter written to me by a lady-friend. 
 
 The Chapters, headed * Fairy Sylvie ' and * Bruno's 
 Revenge,' are a reprint, with a few alterations, of a 
 little fairy-tale which I wrote in the year i ^^j^ at the 
 request of the late Mrs. Gatty, for * Aunt Judy's 
 Magazine,' which she was then editing. 
 
 It was in 1874, I believe, that the idea first occurred 
 to me of making it the nucleus of a longer story. As 
 the years went on, I jotted down, at odd moments, 
 all sorts of odd ideas, and fragments of dialogue, that 
 occurred to mc who knows how } with a tran- 
 sitory suddenness that left me no choice but either 
 to record them then and there, or to abandon them 
 to oblivion. Sometimes one could trace to their 
 
 b 
 
X PREFACE. 
 
 source these random flashes of thought as being 
 
 suggested by the book one was reading, or struck 
 out from the ' flint ' of one's own mind by the ' steel ' 
 
 of a friend's chance remark but they had also a 
 
 way of their own, of occurring, d propos of nothing 
 
 specimens of that hopelessly illogical phenomenon, 
 
 * an effect without a cause.' Such, for example, was 
 the last line of ' The Hunting of the Snark,' which 
 carne into my head (as I have already related in 
 'The Theatre' for April, 1887) quite suddenly, during 
 a solitary walk : and such, again, have been passages 
 which occurred in dreams^ and which I cannot trace 
 to any antecedent cause whatever. There are at 
 least two instances of such dream-suggestions in 
 
 this book one, my Lady's remark, 'it often runs 
 
 in families, just as a love for pastry does', at p. ^Z ; 
 the other, Eric Lindon's badinage about having been 
 in domestic service, at p. 332. 
 
 And thus it came to pass that I found myself at 
 last in possession of a huge unwieldy mass of littera- 
 
 ture if the reader will kindly excuse the spelling 
 
 which only needed stringing together, upon the 
 
 thread of a consecutive story, to constitute the book 
 I hoped to write. Only! The task, at first, seemed 
 absolutely hopeless, and gave me a far clearer idea, 
 than I ever had before, of the meaning of the word 
 ' chaos ' : and I think it must have been ten years, or 
 more, before I had succeeded in classifying these 
 odds-and-ends sufficiently to see what sort of a story 
 they indicated : for the story had to grow out of the 
 incidents, not the incidents out of the story 
 
PREFACE. xi 
 
 I am telling all this, in no spirit of egoism, but 
 because 1 really believe that some of my readers will 
 be interested in these details of the 'genesis' of a 
 book, which looks so simple and straight-forward a 
 matter, when completed, that they might suppose it 
 to have been written straight off, page by page, 
 as one would write a letter, beginning at the begin- 
 ning and ending at the end. 
 
 It is, no doubt, possible to write a story in that 
 way: and, if it be not vanity to say so, I believe 
 
 that I could, myself, if I were in the unfortunate 
 
 position (for I do hold it to be a real misfortune) of 
 being obliged to produce a given amount of fiction 
 
 in a given time, that I could ' fulfil my task,' and 
 
 produce my * tale of bricks,' as other slaves have 
 done. One thing, at any rate, I could guarantee as 
 
 to the story so produced that it should be utterly 
 
 commonplace, should contain no new ideas whatever, 
 and should be very very weary reading ! 
 
 This species of literature has received the very 
 
 appropriate name of ' padding ' which might fitly 
 
 be defined as ' that which all can write and none can 
 read.' That the present volume contains no such 
 writing I dare not avow : sometimes, in order to 
 bring a picture into its proper place, it has been 
 necessary to eke out a page with two or three extra 
 lines : but I can honestly say I have put in no more 
 than I was absolutely compelled to do. 
 
 My readers may perhaps like to amuse themselves 
 by trying to detect, in a given passage, the one piece 
 of ' padding ' it contains. While arranging the * slips ' 
 
 b 2 
 
xii PREFACE. 
 
 into pages, I found that the passage, which now ex- 
 tends from the top of p. 35 to the middle of p. 38, was 
 3 lines too short. I supplied the deficiency, not by 
 interpolating a word here and a word there, but by 
 writing in 3 consecutive lines. Now can my readers 
 guess which they are ? 
 
 A harder puzzle if a harder be desired ^would 
 
 be to determine, as to the Gardener's Song, in which 
 cases (if any) the stanza was adapted to the surround- 
 ing text, and in which (if any) the text was adapted 
 to the stanza. 
 
 Perhaps the hardest thing in all literature at 
 
 least / have found it so : by no voluntary effort can 
 
 I accomplish it : I have to take it as it comes is 
 
 to write anything original. And perhaps the easiest 
 is, when once an original line has been struck out, to 
 follow it up, and to write any amount more to the 
 same tune. I do not know if ' Alice in Wonderland ' 
 
 was an original story 1 was, at least, no conscious 
 
 imitator in writing it but I do know that, since it 
 
 came out, something like a dozen story-books have 
 appeared, on identically the same pattern. The path 
 
 I timidly explored believing myself to be * the first 
 
 that ever burst into that silent sea '—is now a beaten 
 high-road : all the way-side flowers have long ago 
 been trampled into the dust : and it would be court- 
 ing disaster for me to attempt that style again. 
 
 Hence it is that, in ' Sylvie and Bruno,' 1 have 
 
 striven with I know not what success to strike 
 
 out yet another new path : be it bad or good, it is 
 
PREFACE. xni 
 
 the best I can do. It is written, not for money, and 
 not for fame, but in the hope of supplying, for the 
 children whom I love, some thoughts that may suit 
 those hours of innocent merriment which are the very 
 life of Childhood ; and also in the hope of suggest- 
 ing, to them and to others, some thoughts that may 
 prove, I would fain hope, not wholly out of harmony 
 with the graver cadences of Life. 
 
 If I have not already exhausted the patience of 
 
 my readers, I would like to seize this opportunity 
 
 perhaps the last I shall have of addressing so many 
 
 friends at once of putting on record some ideas 
 
 that have occurred to me, as to books desirable to 
 
 be written which I should much like to attempt^ 
 
 but may not ever have the time or power to carry 
 
 through in the hope that, if / should fail (and the 
 
 years are gliding away very fast) to finish the task 
 I have set myself, other hands may take it up. 
 
 First, a Child's Bible. The only real essentials of 
 this would be, carefully selected passages, suitable for 
 a child's reading, and pictures. One principle of selec- 
 tion, which I would adopt, would be that Religion 
 should be put before a child as a revelation of love 
 
 no need to pain and puzzle the young mind with 
 
 the history of crime and punishment. (On such a 
 principle I should, for example, omit the history of 
 the Flood.) The supplying of the pictures would 
 involve no great difficulty : no new ones would be 
 needed : hundreds of excellent pictures already exist, 
 
xiv I'REFACE. 
 
 the copyright of which has long ago expired, and 
 which simply need photo-zincography, or some similar 
 process, for their successful reproduction. The book 
 should be handy in size with a pretty attractive- 
 looking cover in a clear legible type and, above 
 
 all, with abundance of pictures, pictures, pictures ! 
 
 Secondly, a book of pieces selected from the Bible 
 
 not single texts, but passages of from lo to 20 
 
 verses each to be committed to memory. Such 
 
 passages would be found useful, to repeat to one's- 
 self and to ponder over, on many occasions when 
 reading is difficult, if not impossible : for instance, 
 
 when lying awake at night on a railway-journey 
 
 when taking a solitary walk in old age, when 
 
 eye-sight is failing or wholly lost and, best of all, 
 
 when illness, while incapacitating us for reading or 
 any other occupation, condemns us to lie awake 
 through many weary silent hours : at such a time 
 how keenly one may realise the truth of David's 
 rapturous cry ' O how sweet are thy words unto my 
 throat : yea, sweeter than honey unto my mouth ! ' 
 
 I have said ' passages,' rather than single texts, 
 because we have no means of recalling single texts : 
 memorv needs links, and here are none : one may 
 have a hundred texts stored in the memory, and not 
 
 be able to recall, at will, more than half-a-dozen 
 
 and those by mere chance : whereas, once get hold of 
 any portion of a r//^//^r that has been committed to 
 memory, and the whole can be recovered : all hangs 
 together. 
 
PREFACE. XV 
 
 Thirdly, a collection of passages, both prose and 
 verse, from books other than the Bible. There is not 
 perhaps much, in what is called 'un-inspired ' litera- 
 ture ( a misnomer, I hold : if Shakespeare was not 
 inspired, one may well doubt if any man ever was), 
 that will bear the process of being pondered over, a 
 
 hundred times : still there are such passages enough, 
 
 I think, to make a goodly store for the memory. 
 
 These two books of sacred, and secular, passages 
 
 for memory will serve other good purposes besides 
 
 merely occupying vacant hours : they will help to keep 
 at bay many anxious thoughts, worrying thoughts, 
 uncharitable thoughts, unholy thoughts. Let me say 
 this, in better words than my own, by copying a 
 passage from that most interesting book, Robertson's 
 Lectures on the Epistles to the Corinthians, Lecture 
 XLIX. '* If a man finds himself haunted by evil 
 desires and unholy images, which will generally be at 
 periodical hours, let him commit to memory passages 
 of Scripture, or passages from the best writers in verse 
 or prose. Let him store his mind with these, as safe- 
 guards to repeat when he lies awake in some restless 
 night, or when despairing imaginations, or gloomy, 
 suicidal thoughts, beset him. Let these be to him the 
 sword, turning everywhere to keep the way of the 
 Garden of Life from the intrusion of profaner 
 footsteps." 
 
 Fourthly, a " Shakespeare " for girls : that is, an 
 edition in which everything, not suitable for the perusal 
 of girls of (say) from lo to 17, should be omitted. Few 
 
xvi PREFACE. 
 
 children under lo would be likely to understand or 
 enjoy the greatest of poets : and those, who have 
 passed out of girlhood, may safely be left to read 
 Shakespeare, in any edition, ' expurgated ' or not, that 
 they may prefer : but it seems a pity that so many 
 children, in the intermediate stage, should be debarred 
 from a great pleasure for want of an edition suitable 
 to them. Neither Bowdler's, Chambers's, Brandram's, 
 nor Cundell's ' Boudoir ' Shakespeare, seems to me to 
 meet the want : they are not sufficiently ' expurgated. 
 Bowdler's is the most extraordinary of all : looking 
 through it, I am filled with a deep sense of wonder, 
 considering what he has left in, that he should have 
 cut anything out ! Besides relentlessly erasing all 
 that is unsuitable on the score of reverence or decency, 
 I should be inclined to omit also all that seems too 
 difficult, or not likely to interest young readers. The 
 resulting book might be slightly fragmentary : but it 
 would be a real treasure to all British maidens who 
 have any taste for poetry. 
 
 If it be needful to apologize to any one for the 
 new departure I have taken in this story by intro- 
 ducing, along with what will, I hope, prove to be 
 acceptable nonsense for children, some of the graver 
 
 thoughts of human life it must be to one who 
 
 has learned the Art of keeping such thoughts wholly 
 at a distance in hours of mirth and careless ease. To 
 him such a mixture will seem, no doubt, ill-judged 
 and repulsive. And that such an Art exists I do not 
 dispute : with youth, good health, and sufficient money, 
 
PREFACE. xvii 
 
 it seems quite possible to lead, for years together, a 
 
 life of unmixed gaiety with the exception of one 
 
 solemn fact, with which we are liable to be confronted 
 at ^«;/ moment, even in the midst of the most brilliant 
 company or the most sparkling entertainment. A 
 man may fix his own times for admitting serious 
 thought, for attending public worship, for prayer, for 
 reading the Bible : all such matters he can defer to 
 that * convenient season ', which is so apt never to 
 occur at all : but he cannot defer, for one single 
 moment, the necessity of attending to a message, 
 which may come before he has finished reading this 
 page, ' this night shall thy soul be required of tJue! 
 
 The ever-present sense of this grim possibility has 
 been, in all ages,^ an incubus that men have striven 
 to shake off. Few more interesting subjects of en- 
 quiry could be found, by a student of history, than 
 the various weapons that have been used against this 
 shadowy foe. Saddest of all must have been the 
 thoughts of those who saw indeed an existence beyond 
 the grave, but an existence far more terrible than 
 
 annihilation an existence as filmy, impalpable, all 
 
 but invisible spectres, drifting about, through endless 
 ages, in a world of shadows, with nothing to do, nothing 
 to hope for, nothing to love ! In the midst of the 
 gay verses of that genial * bon vivant ' Horace, there 
 stands one dreary word whose utter sadness goes to 
 
 ^ At the moment, when I had written these words, there was 
 a knock at the door, and a telegram was brought me, announcing 
 the sudden death of a dear friend. 
 
xviii PREFACE. 
 
 one's heart. It is the word ' exiliiim ' in the well- 
 known passage 
 
 Omnes eodem cogimur^ omnium 
 Versatiir urnd serius actus 
 Sors exitura et nos in ceternum 
 Exilium impositura cymbce. 
 
 Yes, to him this present life spite of all its 
 
 weariness and all its sorrow ^was the only life worth 
 
 having : all else was ' exile ' ! Does it not seem almost 
 incredible that one, holding such a creed, should ever 
 have smiled t 
 
 And many in this day, I fear, even though believing 
 in an existence beyond the grave far more real than 
 Horace ever dreamed of, yet regard it as a sort of 
 ' exile ' from all the joys of life, and so adopt Horace's 
 theory, and say ' let us eat and drink, for to-morrow 
 we die.' 
 
 We go to entertainments, such as the theatre 1 
 
 say * we ', for / also go to the play, whenever I get a 
 
 chance of seeing a really good one and keep at arm's 
 
 length, if possible, the thought that we may not return 
 
 alive. Yet how do you know dear friend, whose 
 
 patience has carried you through this garrulous preface 
 
 that it may not be your lot, when mirth is fastest 
 
 and most furious, to feel the sharp pang, or the deadly 
 
 faintness, which heralds the final crisis to see, with 
 
 vague wonder, anxious friends bending over you 
 
 to hear their troubled whispers perhaps yourself to 
 
 shape the question, with trembling lips, " Is it 
 
PREFACE. xix 
 
 serious?", and to be told "Yes: the end is near" 
 (and oh, how different all Life will look when those 
 
 words are said !) how do you know, I say, that all 
 
 this may not happen to yoUy this night ^ 
 
 And dare you, knowing this, say to yourself " Well, 
 perhaps it is an immoral play : perhaps the situations 
 are a little too ' risky ', the dialogue a little too strong, 
 the 'business' a little too suggestive. I don't say 
 that conscience is quite easy : but the piece is so 
 clever, I must see it this once ! I'll begin a stricter 
 life to-morrow. " To-morrow^ and to-morrow^ and to- 
 morrow ! 
 
 " Wlio sins in hope, who, sinning, says, 
 ' Sorrow for sin God's judgement stays ! ' 
 Against God's Spirit he lies ; quite stops 
 Mercy with insult ; dares, and drops. 
 Like a scorch' d fly, that spins in vain 
 Upon the axis of its pain, 
 Then takes its doom, to limp and crawl, 
 Blind and forgot, from fall to fall!' 
 
 Let me pause for a moment to say that I believe 
 
 this thought, of the possibility of death if calmly 
 
 realised, and steadily faced would be one of the 
 
 best possible tests as to our going to any scene of 
 amusement being right or wrong. If the thought of 
 sudden death acquires, iov you, a special horror when 
 imagined as happening in a theatre, then be very 
 sure the theatre is harmful for you, however 
 harmless it may be for others ; and that you are 
 
XX PREFACE. 
 
 incurring a deadly peril in going. Be sure the 
 safest rule is that we should not dare to live in any 
 scene in which we dare not die. 
 
 But, once realise what the true object is in life 
 
 that it is not pleasure, not knowledge, not even fame 
 
 itself, * that last infirmity of noble minds ' but 
 
 that it is the development of character, the rising to 
 a higher, nobler, purer standard, the building-up of 
 
 the perfect Man and then, so long as we feel that 
 
 this is going on, and will (we trust) go on for ever- 
 more, death has for us no terror ; it is not a shadow, 
 but a light ; not an end, but a beginning ! 
 
 One other matter may perhaps seem to call for 
 
 apology that I should have treated with such 
 
 entire want of sympathy the British passion for 
 'Sport', which -no doubt has been in by -gone days, 
 and is still, in some forms of it, an excellent school 
 for hardihood and for coolness in moments of danger. 
 But I am not entirely without sympathy iox genuine 
 ' Sport ' : I can heartily admire the courage of the 
 man who, \yith severe bodily toil, and at the risk of 
 his life, hunts down some * man-eating' tiger: and I 
 can heartily sympathize with him when he exults in the 
 glorious excitement of the chase and the hand-to- 
 hand struggle with the monster brought to bay. But 
 I can but look with deep wonder and sorrow on the 
 hunter who, at his ease and in safety, can find plea- 
 sure in what involves, for some defenceless creature, 
 wild terror and a death of agony : deeper, if the 
 hunter be one who has pledged himself to preach 
 
PREFACE. xxi 
 
 to men the Religion of universal Love : deepest 
 of all, if it be one of those ''tender and delicate' 
 beings, whose very nanae serves as a symbol of Love 
 
 * thy love to me was wo7iderful, passing the love of 
 
 women ' whose mission here is surely to help and 
 
 comfort all that are in pain or sorrow ! 
 
 * Farewell^ farewell ! but this I tell 
 To thee, thou Wedding-Guest ! 
 He prayetJi welly who loveth well 
 Both man and bird and beast. 
 
 He prayeth besty who loveth best 
 All things both great and small ; 
 
 For the dear God who loveth us, 
 He made and loveth all. ' 
 
CONTENTS. 
 
 CHAPTBK PAGE 
 
 I. LESS BREAD ! MORE TAXES ! I 
 
 II. l'amie INCONNUE l6 
 
 III. BIRTHDAY-PRESENTS 29 
 
 IV. A CUNNING CONSPIRACY 43 
 
 V. A beggar's palace 56 
 
 VI. THE MAGIC LOCKET 73 
 
 VII. THE baron's embassy 87 
 
 Vin. A RIDE ON A LION lOO 
 
 IX. A JESTER AND A BEAR II3 
 
 X. THE OTHER PROFESSOR 1 29 
 
 XI. PETER AND PAUL 143 
 
 XII. A MUSICAL GARDEN ER 156 
 
XXIV CONTENTS. 
 
 CHAPTER PAGE 
 
 XIII. A VISIT TO DOGLAND 171 
 
 XIV. FAIRY-SYLVIE 187 
 
 XV. Bruno's revenge 207 
 
 XVI. A CHANGED CROCODILE 222 
 
 XVII. THE THREE BADGERS 234 
 
 XVIII. QUEER STREET, NUMBER FORTY 255 
 
 XIX. HOW TO MAKE A PHLIZZ 27 1 
 
 XX. LIGHT COME, LIGHT GO 287 
 
 XXI. THROUGH THE IVORY DOOR 304 
 
 XXII. CROSSING THE LINE 325 
 
 XXIII. AN OUTLANDISH WATCH . . 345 
 
 XXIV. THE frogs' BIRTHDAY-TREAT 36 1 
 
 XXV. looking eastward 383 
 
 Index 39^ 
 
SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 LESS BREAD ! MORE TAXES ! 
 
 and then all the people cheered again, and 
 
 one man, who was more excited than the rest, 
 flung his hat high into the air, and shouted (as 
 well as I could make out) ''Who roar for the 
 Sub-Warden ? " Everybody roared, but whether 
 it was for the Sub-Warden, or not, did not 
 clearly appear : some were shouting " Bread ! " 
 and some ''Taxes!", but no one seemed to 
 know what it was they really wanted. 
 
 All this I saw from the open window of 
 the Warden's breakfast-saloon, looking across 
 the shoulder of the Lord Chancellor, who had 
 « B 
 
2 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 Sprung to his feet the moment the shouting 
 began, almost as if he had been expecting it, 
 and had rushed to the window which com- 
 manded the best view of the market-place. 
 
 '* What can it all mean ? " he kept repeating 
 to himself, as, with his hands clasped behind 
 him, and his gown floating in the air, he paced 
 rapidly up and down the room. ** I never 
 
 heard such shouting before and at this time 
 
 of the morning, too! And with such unanimity! 
 Doesn't it strike you as very remarkable ? " 
 
 ! represented, modestly, that to my ears it 
 appeared that they were shouting for different 
 things, but the Chancellor would not listen to 
 my suggestion for a moment. " They all shout 
 the same words, I assure you!" he said: then, 
 leaning well out of the window, he whispered 
 to a man who was standing close underneath, 
 *' Keep 'em together, can't you ? The Warden 
 will be here directly. Give 'em the signal for 
 the march up ! " All this was evidently not 
 meant for my ears, but I could scarcely help 
 hearing it, considering that my chin was almost 
 on the Chancellor's shoulder. 
 
 The ' march up ' was a very curious sight : 
 
LESS BREAD ! MORE TAXES ! 
 
 a Straggling procession of men, marching two 
 and two, began from the other side of the 
 market-place, and advanced in an irregular 
 zig-zag fashion towards the Palace, wildly tack- 
 ing from side to side, like a sailing vessel 
 making way against an unfavourable wind 
 
4 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 SO that the head of the procession was often 
 further from us at the end of one tack than it 
 had been at the end of the previous one. 
 
 Yet it was evident that all was being done 
 under orders, for I noticed that all eyes were 
 fixed on the man who stood just under the 
 window, and to whom the Chancellor was con- 
 tinually whispering. This man held his hat In 
 one hand and a little green flag In the other : 
 whenever he waved the flag the procession 
 advanced a little nearer, when he dipped it they 
 sidled a little farther off, and whenever he 
 waved his hat they all raised a hoarse cheer. 
 *' Hoo-roah ! " they cried, carefully keeping time 
 with the hat as it bobbed up and down. 
 *' Hoo-roah ! Noo ! Consti ! Tooshun ! Less! 
 Bread ! More ! Taxes ! " 
 
 ''That'll do, that'll do!" the Chancellor 
 whispered. " Let 'em rest a bit till I give you 
 the word. He's not here yet ! " But at this 
 moment the great folding-doors of the saloon 
 were flung open, and he turned with a guilty 
 start to receive His High Excellency. How- 
 ever it was only Bruno, and the Chancellor 
 gave a little gasp of relieved anxiety. 
 
l] LESS BREAD ! MORE TAXES ! 5 
 
 '* Morning ! " said the little fellow, address- 
 ing the remark, in a general sort of way, to the 
 Chancellor and the waiters. " Doos 00 know 
 where Syl vie is? Ts looking for Sylvie!" 
 
 *' She's with the Warden, I believe, y'reince ! " 
 the Chancellor replied with a low bow. There 
 was, no doubt, a certain amount of absurdity in 
 applying this title (which, as of course you see 
 without my telling you, was nothing but 'your 
 Royal Highness' condensed into one syllable) 
 to a small creature whose father was merely the 
 Warden of Outland : still, large excuse must 
 be made for a man who had passed several 
 years at the Court of Fairyland, and had there 
 acquired the almost impossible art of pro- 
 nouncing five syllables as one. 
 
 But the bow was lost upon Bruno, who had 
 run out of the room, even while the great feat 
 of The Unpronounceable Monosyllable was 
 being triumphantly performed. 
 
 Just then, a single voice in the distance was 
 understood to shout " A speech from the Chan- 
 cellor ! " " Certainly, my friends ! " the Chan- 
 cellor replied with extraordinary promptitude. 
 " You shall have a speech ! " Here one of the 
 
6 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 waiters, who had been for some minutes busy 
 making a queer-looking mixture of egg and 
 sherry, respectfully presented it on a large 
 silver salver. The Chancellor took it haughtily, 
 drank it off thoughtfully, smiled benevolently 
 on the happy waiter as he set down the empty 
 glass, and began. To the best of my recollec- 
 tion this is what he said. 
 
 "Ahem! Ahem! Ahem! Fellow-sufferers, or 
 
 rather suffering fellows " ('' Don't call 'em 
 
 names I " muttered the man under the win- 
 dow. '* I didn't S2iy /elons / '' the Chancellor 
 explained.) " You may be sure that I always 
 
 sympa " {" 'Ear, 'ear ! " shouted the crowd, 
 
 so loudly as quite to drown the orator's thin 
 
 squeaky voice) *' that I always sympa " 
 
 he repeated. (" Don't simper quite so much ! " 
 said the man under the window. ''It makes 
 yer look a hidiot ! " And, all this time, " 'Ear, 
 'ear ! " went rumbling round the market-place, 
 like a peal of thunder.) '' That I always sym- 
 pathise ! " yelled the Chancellor, the first mo- 
 ment there was silence. " But your true friend 
 is the Sub-Warden ! Day and night he is 
 brooding on your wrongs 1 should say your 
 
l] LESS BREAD ! MORE TAXES ! ^ 
 
 rights that is to say your wrongs no, I 
 
 mean your rights " (" Don't talk no more !" 
 
 growled the man under the window. '* You're 
 making a mess of it ! ") At this moment the 
 Sub-Warden entered the saloon. He was a 
 thin man, with a mean and crafty face, and a 
 greenish-yellow complexion ; and he crossed the 
 room very slowly, looking suspiciously about 
 him as if he thought there might be a savage 
 dog hidden somewhere. '' Bravo ! " he cried, 
 patting the Chancellor on the back. '* You did 
 that speech very well indeed. Why, you're a 
 born orator, man ! " 
 
 " Oh, that's nothing ! " the Chancellor replied, 
 modestly, with downcast eyes. " Most orators 
 are born, you know." 
 
 The Sub-Warden thoughtfully rubbed his 
 chin. '' Why, so they are ! " he admitted. '' I 
 never considered it in that light. Still, you 
 did it very well. A word in your ear ! " 
 
 The rest of their conversation was all in 
 whispers : so, as I could hear no more, I 
 thought I would go and find Bruno. 
 
 I found the little fellow standing in the 
 passage, and being addressed by one of the 
 
8 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 men in livery, who stood before him, nearly 
 bent double from extreme respectfulness, with 
 his hands hanging in front of him like the fins 
 of a fish. " His High Excellency," this re- 
 spectful man was saying, '* is in his Study, 
 y'reince!" (He didn't pronounce this quite 
 so well as the Chancellor.) Thither Bruno 
 trotted, and I thought it well to follow him. 
 
 The Warden, a tall dignified man with a 
 grave but very pleasant face, was seated before 
 a writing-table, which was covered with papers, 
 
 and holding on his knee one of the sweetest and 
 
 * 
 loveliest little maidens it has ever been my lot 
 
 to see. She looked four or five years older 
 
 than Bruno, but she had the same rosy cheeks 
 
 and sparkling eyes, and the same wealth of 
 
 curly brown hair. Her eager smiling face was 
 
 turned upwards towards her father's, and it' 
 
 was a pretty sight to see the mutual love with 
 
 which the two faces one in the Spring of 
 
 Life, the other in its late Autumn — -were 
 
 gazing on each other. 
 
 '' No, you've never seen him," the old man 
 
 was saying: *'you couldn't, you know, he's 
 
 been away so long traveling from land to 
 
I] LESS BREAD ! MORE TAXES ! 9 
 
 land, and seeking for health, more years than 
 youVe been alive, little Sylvie ! " 
 
 Here Bruno climbed upon his other knee, and 
 a good deal of kissing, on a rather complicated 
 system, was the result. 
 
 '' He only came back last night," said the 
 Warden, when the kissing was over : ** he's 
 been traveling post-haste, for the last thousand 
 miles or so, in order to be here on Sylvie's 
 birthday. But he's a very early riser, and I 
 dare say he's in the Library already. Come 
 with me and see him. He's always kind to 
 children. You'll be sure to like him." 
 
 " Has the Other Professor come too ? " 
 Bruno asked in an awe-struck voice. 
 
 ** Yes, they arrived together. The Other 
 
 Professor is well, you won't like him quite 
 
 so much, perhaps. He's a little more dreamy, 
 you know." 
 
 '* I wiss Sylvie was a little more dreamy," 
 said Bruno. 
 
 *' What do you mean, Bruno } " said Sylvie. 
 
 Bruno went on addressing his father. " She 
 says she cant, 00 know. But I thinks it isn't 
 cdfit, it's wdntr 
 
lo SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 '' Says she cant dream ! " the puzzled 
 Warden repeated. 
 
 ** She do say it," Bruno persisted. '* When 
 I says to her ' Let's stop lessons ! ', she says 
 ' Oh, I ca'n't dream of letting oo stop yet 1 ' " 
 
 '' He always wants to stop lessons," Sylvie 
 explained, '' five minutes after we begin ! " 
 
 " Five minutes' lessons a day ! " said the 
 Warden. '' You won't learn much at that 
 rate, little man ! " 
 
 " That's just what Sylvie says," Bruno re- 
 joined. " She says I wont learn my lessons. 
 And I tells her, over and over, I cant learn 
 'em. And what doos oo think she says '^. She 
 says ' It isn't ccUnt, it's wont !' " 
 
 ** Let's go and see the Professor," the Warden 
 said, wisely avoiding further discussion. The 
 children got down off his knees, each secured 
 a hand, and the happy trio set off for the 
 
 Library followed by me. I had come to the 
 
 conclusion by this time that none of the party 
 (except, for a few moments, the Lord Chan- 
 cellor) was in the least able to see me. 
 
 " What's the matter with him ^. " Sylvie asked, 
 walking with a little extra sedateness, by way 
 
LESS BREAD ! MORE TAXES ! 
 
 XI 
 
 of example to Bruno at the other side, who 
 never ceased jumping up and down. 
 
 " What was the matter but I hope he's all 
 
 right now was lumbago, and rheumatism, and 
 
 that kind of thing. He's been curing himself ^ 
 you know : he's a very learned doctor. Why, 
 he's actually invented three new diseases, be- 
 sides a new way of breaking your collar-bone I '* 
 
12 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 " Is it a nice way ? " said Bruno. 
 
 '' Well, hum, not very I' the Warden said, as 
 we entered the Library. *' And here is the 
 Professor. Good morning, Professor ! Hope 
 you're quite rested after your journey ! " 
 
 A jolly-looking, fat little man, in a flowery 
 dressing-gown, with a large book under each 
 arm, came trotting in at the other end of the 
 room, and was going straight across without 
 taking any notice of the children. ''I'm look- 
 ing for Vol. Three," he said. " Do you happen 
 to have seen it ? " 
 
 " You don't see my children, Professor ! " 
 the Warden exclaimed, taking him by the 
 shoulders and turning him round to face them. 
 
 The Professor laughed violently : then he 
 gazed at them through his great spectacles, for 
 a minute or two, without speaking. 
 
 At last he addressed Bruno. '' I hope you 
 have had a good night, my child '^ " 
 
 Bruno looked puzzled. '' I's had the same 
 night 00 ve had," he replied. *' There's only 
 been one night since yesterday ! " 
 
 It was the Professor's turn to look puzzled 
 now. He took off his spectacles, and rubbed 
 
l] LESS BREAD ! MORE TAXES ! 1.3 
 
 them with his hankerchief. Then he gazed at 
 them again. Then he turned to the Warden. 
 " Are they bound ? " he enquired. 
 
 '• No, we aren't," said Bruno, who thought 
 himself quite able to answer this question. 
 
 The Professor shook his head sadly. " Not 
 even half-bound ? " 
 
 " Why would ^N^ be half-bound ? " said Bruno. 
 ** We're not prisoners ! " 
 
 But the Professor had forgotten all about 
 them by this time, and was speaking to the 
 Warden again. "You'll be glad to hear," he 
 was saying, *' that the Barometer's beginning 
 to move " 
 
 '* Well, which way ? " said the Warden 
 
 adding to the children, " Not that / care, you 
 know. Only he thinks it affects the weather. 
 He's a wonderfully clever man, you know. 
 Sometimes he says things that only the Other 
 Professor can understand. Sometimes he says 
 things that nobody can understand ! Which 
 way is it, Professor .'* Up or down ? " 
 
 " Neither ! " said the Professor, gently clap- 
 ping his hands. ** It's going sideways if I 
 
 may so express myself." 
 
14 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 ** And what kind of weather does that pro- 
 duce ? " said the Warden. "Listen, children! 
 Now you'll hear something worth knowing ! " 
 
 ** Horizontal weather," said the Professor, 
 and made straight for the door, very nearly 
 trampling on Bruno, who had only just time to 
 get out of his way. 
 
 " Isnt he learned ? " the Warden said, look- 
 ing after him with admiring eyes. ** Positively 
 he runs over with learning ! " 
 
 " But he needn't run over me ! " said Bruno. 
 
 The Professor was back in a moment : he had 
 changed his dressing-gown for a frock-coat, 
 and had put on a pair of very strange-looking 
 boots, the tops of which were open umbrellas. 
 '' I thought you'd like to see them," he said. 
 ** These are the boots for horizontal weather ! " 
 
 " But what's the use of wearing umbrellas 
 round one's knees 1 " 
 
 '* In ordinary rain," the Professor admitted, 
 *' they would not be of much use. But if ever 
 it rained horizontally, you know, they would 
 be invaluable simply invaluable ! " 
 
 " Take the Professor to the breakfast-saloon, 
 children," said the Warden. "And tell them 
 
LESS BREAD ! MORE TAXES ! 
 
 15 
 
 not to wait for me. I had breakfast early, as 
 I've some business to attend to." The children 
 seized the Professor's hands, as familiarly as if 
 they had known him for years, and hurried him 
 away. I followed respectfully behind. 
 
CHAPTER II. 
 
 l'amie inconnue. 
 
 As we entered the breakfast-saloon, the Pro- 
 fessor was saying " and he had breakfast 
 
 by himself, early : so he begged you wouldn't 
 wait for him, my Lady. This way, my Lady," 
 he added, " this way ! " And then, with (as it 
 seemed to me) most superfluous politeness, he 
 flung open the door of my compartment, and 
 
 ushered in '' a young and lovely lady ! " I 
 
 muttered to myself with some bitterness. "And 
 this is, of course, the opening scene of Vol. I. 
 She is the Heroine. And / am one of those 
 subordinate characters that only turn up when 
 
II] L'AMIE INCONNUE. \^ 
 
 needed for the development of her destiny, and 
 whose final appearance is outside the church, 
 waiting to greet the Happy Pair ! " 
 
 '' Yes, my Lady, change at Fayfield," were 
 the next words I heard (oh that too obsequious 
 Guard !), "next station but one." And the door 
 closed, and the lady settled down into her 
 corner, and the monotonous throb of the engine 
 (making one feel as if the train were some 
 gigantic monster, whose very circulation we 
 could feel) proclaimed that we were once more 
 speeding on our way. " The lady had a per- 
 fectly formed nose," I caught myself saying to 
 
 myself, '* hazel eyes, and lips " and here it 
 
 occurred to me that to see, for myself, what 
 ** the lady " was really like, would be more 
 satisfactory than much speculation. 
 
 I looked round cautiously, and was en- 
 tirely disappointed of my hope. The veil, 
 which shrouded her whole face, was too thick 
 for me to see more than the glitter of bright 
 eyes and the hazy outline of what 7night be a 
 lovely oval face, but might also, unfortunately. 
 be an equally ^wlovely one. I closed my eyes 
 
 again, saying to myself " couldn't have a 
 
 c 
 
i8 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 better chance for an experiment in Telepathy ! 
 ril think out her face, and afterwards test the 
 portrait with the original." 
 
 At first, no result at all crowned my efforts, 
 though I * divided my swift mind,' now hither, 
 now thither, in a way that I felt sure would 
 have made ^neas green with envy : but the 
 dimly-seen oval remained as provokingly blank 
 as ever — a mere Ellipse, as if in some mathe- 
 matical diagram, without even the Foci that 
 might be made to do duty as a nose and a 
 mouth. Gradually, however, the conviction 
 came upon me that I could, by a certain con- 
 centration of thought, think the veil away, and 
 
 so get a glimpse of the mysterious face as 
 
 to which the two questions, *' is she pretty?" 
 and '' is she plain ? ", still hung suspended, in 
 my mind, in beautiful equipoise. 
 
 Success was partial and fitful still there 
 
 was a result : ever and anon, the veil seemed 
 to vanish, in a sudden flash of light : but, 
 before I could fully realise the face, all was 
 dark again. In each such glimpse, the face 
 seemed to grow more childish and more inno- 
 cent : and, when 1 had at last thought the veil 
 
II] L'AMIE INCONNUE. 19 
 
 entirely away, it was, unmistakeably, the sweet 
 face of little Sylvie ! 
 
 " So, either I've been dreaming about Sylvie," 
 I said to myself, '* and this is the reality. Or 
 else I've really been with Sylvie, and this is a 
 dream ! Is Life itself a dream, I wonder ?" 
 
 To occupy the time, I got out the letter, 
 which had caused me to take this sudden rail- 
 way-journey from my London home down to a 
 strange fishing-town on the North coast, and 
 read it over again : — 
 
 *' Dear old Friend, 
 
 '' Tm sure it will be as great a pleasure 
 to me, as it can possibly be to you, to meet once 
 7nore after so many years : and of course I shall 
 he ready to give you all the benefit of such 
 medical skill as I have : only, you know, one 
 mustnt violate professional etiquette I And 
 you are already in the hands of a first-rate 
 London doctor, with whom it would be utter 
 affectation for me to pretend to co7np^te. (/ 
 make no doubt he is right in saying the Jieart 
 is affected : all your symptoms point that way.) 
 One thing, at any rate, I have already done in 
 
 c 2 
 
20 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 my doctorial capacity secured you a bedroom 
 
 on the ground-floor, so that you will not need 
 to ascend the stairs at all. 
 
 " / shall expect you by last train on Friday, 
 in accordance with your letter : and, till then, 
 I shall say, in the words of the old song, ' Oh 
 for Friday nicht I Friday s lang a-coming ! ' 
 "" Yours always, 
 
 '' Ar thur Fores ter. 
 
 ^^ P.S. Do you believe in Fate ?" 
 
 This Postscript puzzled me sorely. ''He is 
 far too sensible a man," I thought, '' to have 
 become a Fatalist. And yet what else can he 
 mean by it ? " And, as I folded up the letter 
 and put it away, I inadvertently repeated the 
 words aloud. '' Do you believe in Fate ?" 
 
 The fair ' Incognita' turned her head quickly 
 at the sudden question. '' No, I don t ! " she 
 said with a smile. '' Do you ? " 
 
 " I 1 didn't mean to ask the question ! " I 
 
 stammered, a little taken aback at having begun 
 a conversation in so unconventional a fashion. 
 
 The lady's smile became a laugh not a 
 
 mocking laugh, but the laugh of a happy child 
 
II] L'AMIE INCONNUE. 21 
 
 who is perfectly at her ease. " Didn't you ? " 
 she said. '* Then it was a case of what you 
 Doctors call * unconscious cerebration ' ? " 
 
 " I am no Doctor," I replied. *' Do I look 
 so like one ? Or what makes you think it ? " 
 
 She pointed to the book I had been reading, 
 which was so lying that its title, ** Diseases of 
 the Heart," was plainly visible. 
 
 "One needn't be a Doctor!' I said, ** to take 
 an interest in medical books. There's another 
 class of readers, who are yet more deeply 
 interested " 
 
 ''You mean the Patients ?'' she interrupted, 
 while a look of tender pity gave new sweetness 
 to her face. " But," with an evident wish to 
 avoid a possibly painful topic, " one needn't be 
 either, to take an interest in books of Science. 
 Which contain the greatest amount of Science, 
 do you think, the books, or the minds 1 " 
 
 " Rather a profound question for a lady !" I 
 said to myself, holding, with the conceit so 
 natural to Man, that Woman's intellect is es- 
 sentially shallow. And I considered a minute 
 before replying. " If you mean living minds, 
 I don't think it's possible to decide. There is 
 
22 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 SO much written Science that no Hving person 
 has ever read : and there is so much thought- 
 out Science that hasn't yet been written. But, 
 if you mean the whole human race, then I 
 think the minds have it : everything, recorded 
 in books, must have once been in some mind, 
 you know." 
 
 " Isn't that rather Hke one of the Rules in 
 Algebra ? " my Lady enquired. ('' Algebra 
 too ! " I thought with increasing wonder.) '* I 
 mean, if we consider thoughts as factors, may 
 we not say that the Least Common Multiple 
 of all the minds contains that of all the books ; 
 but not the other way ? " 
 
 *' Certainly we may!" I replied, delighted 
 with the illustration. " And what a grand 
 thing it would be," I went on dreamily, think- 
 ing aloud rather than talking, '* if we could 
 only apply that Rule to books ! You know, in 
 finding the Least Common Multiple, we strike 
 out a quantity wherever it occurs, except in 
 the term where it is raised to its highest power. 
 So we should have to erase every recorded 
 thought, except in the sentence where it is 
 expressed with the greatest intensity." 
 
II] L'AMIE INCONNUE. 23 
 
 My Lady laughed merrily. " Some books 
 would be reduced to blank paper, Tm afraid ! " 
 she said. 
 
 '* They would. Most libraries would be 
 terribly diminished in bulk. But just think 
 what they would gain in quality ! " 
 
 *' When will it be done ?" she eagerly asked. 
 "If there's any chance of it in my time, I think 
 I'll leave off reading, and wait for it ! " 
 
 '*Well, perhaps in another thousand years 
 or so " 
 
 •' Then there's no use waiting ! " said my 
 Lady. " Let's sit down. Uggug, my pet, 
 come and sit by me ! " 
 
 ** Anywhere but by 7ne /" growled the Sub- 
 Warden. '' The little wretch always manages 
 to upset his coffee ! " 
 
 I guessed at once (as perhaps the reader will 
 also have guessed, if, like myself, he is very 
 clever at drawing conclusions) that my Lady 
 was the Sub-Warden's wife, and that Uggug 
 (a hideous fat boy, about the same age as 
 Sylvie, with the expression of a prize-pig) was 
 their son. Sylvie and Bruno, with the Lord 
 Chancellor, made up a party of seven. 
 
24 
 
 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
II] L'AMIE INCONNUE. 25 
 
 "And you actually got a plunge-bath every 
 morning ? " said the Sub-Warden, seemingly 
 in continuation of a conversation with the Pro- 
 fessor. *' Even at the little roadside-inns ?" 
 
 ** Oh, certainly, certainly ! " the Professor 
 replied with a smile on his jolly face. ** Allow 
 me to explain. It is, in fact, a very simple 
 problem in Hydrodynamics. (That means a 
 combination of Water and Strength.) If we 
 take a plunge-bath, and a man of great strength 
 (such as myself) about to plunge into it, we 
 have a perfect example of this science. I am 
 bound to admit," the Professor continued, in a 
 lower tone and with downcast eyes, " that we 
 need a man of remarkable strength. He must 
 be able to spring from the floor to about twice 
 his own height, gradually turning over as he 
 rises, so as to come down again head first." 
 
 ''Why, you need 2i flea, not a 7nan/'' ex- 
 claimed the Sub-Warden. 
 
 " Pardon me," said the Professor. " This 
 particular kind of bath is not adapted for a flea 
 Let us suppose," he continued, folding his 
 table-napkin into a graceful festoon, " that 
 this represents what is perhaps the necessity 
 
26 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 of this Age the Active Tourist's Portable 
 
 Bath. You may describe it briefly, if you 
 like," looking at the Chancellor, ** by the 
 letters A. T. P. B." 
 
 The Chancellor, much disconcerted at finding 
 everybody looking at him, could only murmur, 
 in a shy whisper, " Precisely so ! " 
 
 ** One great advantage of this plunge-bath," 
 continued the Professor, *' is that it requires 
 only half-a-gallon of water " 
 
 " I don't call it a phmge-h^xki!' His Sub- 
 Excellency remarked, " unless your Active 
 Tourist goes right under ! " 
 
 •' But he does go right under," the old man 
 gently replied. " The A. T. hangs up the P. B. 
 on a nail thus. He then empties the water- 
 jug into it places the empty jug below the 
 
 bag leaps into the air descends head-first 
 
 into the bag the water rises round him to the 
 
 top of the bag and there you are ! " he tri- 
 umphantly concluded. " The A. T. is as much 
 under water as if he'd gone a mile or two down 
 into the Atlantic ! " 
 
 "And he's drowned, let us say, in about four 
 minutes " 
 
II] L'AMIE INCONNUE. 27 
 
 *'• By no means ! " the Professor answered 
 with a proud smile. " After about a minute, 
 he quietly turns a tap at the lower end of the 
 
 P. B. all the water runs back into the jug 
 
 and there you are again ! " 
 
 •* But how in the world is he to get out of 
 the bag again ? " 
 
 *' That, I take it," said the Professor, " is the 
 most beautiful part of the whole invention. All 
 the way up the P.B., inside, are loops for the 
 thumbs ; so it's something like going up-stairs, 
 only perhaps less comfortable ; and, by the time 
 the A. T. has risen out of the bag, all but his 
 head, he's sure to topple over, one way or 
 
 the other the Law of Gravity secures that. 
 
 And there he is on the floor again ! '* 
 
 " A little bruised, perhaps ? " 
 
 ** Well, yes, a little bruised ; but having had 
 his plunge-bath : that's the great thing." 
 
 "Wonderful! It's almost beyond belief!" 
 murmured the Sub-Warden. The Professor 
 took it as a compliment, and bowed with a 
 gratified smile. 
 
 ''Quite beyond belief!" my Lady added 
 
 meaning, no doubt, to be more complimentary 
 
28 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 Still. The Professor bowed, but he didn't smile 
 this time. 
 
 '' I can assure you," he said earnestly, " that, 
 provided the bath was made, I used it every 
 
 morning. I certainly ordered it that I am 
 
 clear about my only doubt is, whether the 
 
 man ever finished making it. It's difficult to 
 remember, after so many years " 
 
 At this moment the door, very slowly and 
 creakingly, began to open, and Sylvie and 
 Bruno jumped up, and ran to meet the well- 
 known footstep. 
 
CHAPTER III. 
 
 BIRTHDAY-PRESENTS. 
 
 "It's my brother!" the Sub- Warden ex- 
 claimed, in a warning whisper. '' Speak out, 
 and be quick about it ! " 
 
 The appeal was evidently addressed to the 
 Lord Chancellor, who instantly replied, in a 
 shrill monotone, like a little boy repeating the 
 alphabet, " As I was remarking, your Sub- 
 Excellency, this portentous movement " 
 
 "You began too soon!" the other inter- 
 rupted, scarcely able to restrain himself to a 
 whisper, so great was his excitement. " He 
 couldn't have heard you. Begin again ! " 
 
30 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 " As I was remarking," chanted the obedient 
 Lord Chancellor, '' this portentous movement 
 has already assumed the dimensions of a 
 Revolution ! " 
 
 *' And what are the dimensions of a 
 Revolution ? " The voice was genial and 
 mellow, and the face of the tall dignified old 
 man, who had just entered the room, leading 
 Sylvie by the hand, and with Bruno riding 
 triumphantly on his shoulder, was too noble 
 and gentle to have scared a less guilty man : 
 but the Lord Chancellor turned pale instantly, 
 and could hardly articulate the words " The 
 
 dimensions your your High Excellency ? 
 
 I 1 scarcely comprehend ! " 
 
 "Well, the length, breadth, and thickness, if 
 you like it better ! " And the old man smiled, 
 half-contemptuously. 
 
 The Lord Chancellor recovered himself with 
 a great effort, and pointed to the open window. 
 *' If your High Excellency will listen for a 
 moment to the shouts of the exasperated 
 populace " (" of the exasperated popu- 
 lace ! " the Sub- Warden repeated in a louder 
 tone, as the Lord Chancellor, being in a state 
 
Ill] BIRTHDAY-PRESENTS 31 
 
 of abject terror, had dropped almost into a 
 
 whisper) " you will understand what it is 
 
 they want." 
 
 And at that moment there surged into the 
 room a hoarse confused cry, in which the 
 
 only clearly audible words were " Less 
 
 bread More taxes !" The old man laughed 
 
 heartily. " What in the world " he was 
 
 beginning : but the Chancellor heard him not. 
 " Some mistake ! " he muttered, hurrying to 
 the window, from which he shortly returned 
 with an air of relief. " JVow listen ! " he 
 exclaimed, holding up his hand impressively. 
 And now the words came quite distinctly, and 
 with the regularity of the ticking of a clock, 
 " More bread Less taxes ! " 
 
 " More bread I " the Warden repeated in 
 astonishment. "Why, the new Government 
 Bakery was opened only last week, and I 
 gave orders to sell the bread at cost-price 
 during the present scarcity ! What can they 
 expect more ? " 
 
 " The Bakery's closed, y'reince ! " the 
 Chancellor said, more loudly and clearly than 
 he had spoken yet. He was emboldened by 
 
32 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 the consciousness that here, at least, he had 
 evidence to produce : and he placed in the 
 Warden's hands a few printed notices, that 
 were lying ready, with some open ledgers, on 
 a side-table. 
 
 '' Yes, yes, / see ! '' the Warden muttered, 
 glancing carelessly through them. " Order 
 countermanded by my brother, and supposed 
 to be my doing I Rather sharp practice ! 
 It's all right ! " he added in a louder tone. 
 " My name is signed to it : so I take it on 
 myself. But what do they mean by ' Less 
 Taxes ' ? How can they be less ? I abolished 
 the last of them a month ago ! " 
 
 *' It's been put on again, y'reince, and by 
 y'reince's own orders ! ", and other printed 
 notices were submitted for inspection. 
 
 The Warden, whilst looking them over, 
 glanced once or twice at the Sub- Warden, 
 who had seated himself before one of the open 
 ledgers, and was quite absorbed in adding it 
 up ; but he merely repeated " It's all right. 
 I accept it as my doing." 
 
 " And they do say," the Chancellor went on 
 sheepishly looking much more like a con- 
 
Ill] BIRTHDAY-PRESENTS. 33 
 
 victed thief than an Officer of State, **that a 
 change of Government, by the abolition of the 
 
 Sub- Warden 1 mean," he hastily added, on 
 
 seeing the Warden's look of astonishment, ** the 
 abolition of the office of Sub-Warden, and 
 giving the present holder the right to act as 
 Fi^V^- Warden whenever the Warden is absent 
 
 would appease all this seedling discontent. 
 
 I mean," he added, glancing at a paper he held 
 in his hand, " all this seething discontent ! " 
 
 " For fifteen years," put in a deep but very 
 harsh voice, "my husband has been acting as 
 Sub- Warden. It is too long ! It is much too 
 long ! " My Lady was a vast creature at all 
 times : but, when she frowned and folded her 
 arms, as now, she looked more gigantic than 
 ever, and made one try to fancy what a 
 haystack would look like, if out of temper. 
 
 " He would distinguish himself as a Vice 1 " 
 my Lady proceeded, being far too stupid to 
 see the double meaning of her words. '' There 
 has been no such Vice in Outland for many a 
 long year, as he would be I " 
 
 " What course would you suggest, Sister } " 
 the Warden mildly enquired. 
 
34 SYLVIE AND, BRUNO. 
 
 My Lady stamped, which was undignified : 
 and snorted, which was ungraceful. " This is 
 no jesting matter ! " she bellowed. 
 
 '* I will consult my brother," said the 
 Warden. ** Brother ! " 
 
 " and seven makes a hundred and 
 
 ninety-four, which is sixteen and twopence," 
 the Sub- Warden replied. '* Put down two and 
 carry sixteen." 
 
 The Chancellor raised his hands and eye- 
 brows, lost in admiration. '' Such a man of 
 business ! " he murmured. 
 
 ** Brother, could I have a word with you 
 in my Study ? " the Warden said in a louder 
 tone. The Sub- Warden rose with alacrity, 
 and the two left the room together. 
 
 My Lady turned to the Professor, who 
 had uncovered the urn, and was taking its 
 temperature with his pocket - thermometer. 
 " Professor ! " she began, so loudly and sud- 
 denly that even Uggug, who had gone to 
 sleep in his chair, left off snoring and opened 
 one eye. The Professor pocketed his thermo- 
 meter in a moment, clasped his hands, and put 
 his head on one side with a meek smile. 
 
Ill] BIRTHDAY-PRESENTS. 35 
 
 " You were teaching my son before break- 
 fast, I believe ? " my Lady loftily remarked. 
 " I hope he strikes you as having talent ? " 
 
 *■ Oh, very much so indeed, my Lady I" the 
 Professor hastily replied, unconsciously rubbing 
 his ear, while some painful recollection seemed 
 to cross his mind. '' I was very forcibly struck 
 by His Magnificence, I assure you ! " 
 
 " He is a charming boy ! " my Lady ex- 
 claimed. *' Even his snores are more musical 
 than those of other boys ! " 
 
 If that were so, the Professor seemed to 
 think, the snores of o^/ier boys must be 
 something too awful to be endured : but he 
 was a cautious man, and he said nothing. 
 
 **And he's so clever!" my Lady continued. 
 
 " No one will enjoy your Lecture more 
 
 by the way, have you fixed the time for it 
 yet ? YouVe never given one, you know : and 
 it was promised years ago, before you " 
 
 " Yes, yes, my Lady, / know ! Perhaps next 
 Tuesday or Tuesday week " 
 
 "That will do very well," said my Lady, 
 graciously. ** Of course you will let the Other 
 Professor lecture as well ? " 
 
 D 2 
 
36 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 " I think not, my Lady," the Professor said 
 with some hesitation. ''You see, he always 
 stands with his back to the audience. It does 
 very well for reciting ; but for lecturing " 
 
 '* You are quite right," said my Lady. " And, 
 now I come to think of it, there would hardly 
 be time for more than one Lecture. And it 
 will go off all the better, if we begin with a 
 Banquet, and a Fancy-dress Ball " 
 
 ''It will indeed!" the Professor cried, with 
 enthusiasm. 
 
 " I shall come as a Grass-hopper," my Lady 
 calmly proceeded. " What shall yott come as. 
 Professor ? " 
 
 The Professor smiled feebly. " I shall come 
 as as early as I can, my Lady ! " 
 
 "You mustn't come in before the doors are 
 opened," said my Lady. 
 
 " I ca'n't," said the Professor. " Excuse me 
 a moment. As this is Lady Sylvie's birthday, 
 I would like to " and he rushed away. 
 
 Bruno began feeling in his pockets, looking 
 more and more melancholy as he did so : then 
 he put his thumb in his mouth, and considered 
 for a minute : then he quietly left the room. 
 
Ill] BIRTHDAY-PRESENTS. 37 
 
 He had hardly done so before the Professor 
 was back again, quite out of breath. " Wishing 
 you many happy returns of the day, my dear 
 child ! " he went on, addressing the smiling 
 little girl, who had run to meet him. " Allow 
 me to give you a birthday-present. It's a 
 second-hand pincushion, my dear. And it only 
 cost fourpence-halfpenny ! " 
 
 " Thank you, it's very pretty ! " And Sylvie 
 rewarded the old man with a hearty kiss. 
 
 "And the pins they gave me for nothing!" 
 the Professor added in high glee. " Fifteen of 
 em, and only one bent ! " 
 
 '* I'll make the bent one into a hook !'' said 
 Sylvie. '* To catch Bruno with, when he runs 
 away from his lessons ! " 
 
 " You ca'n't guess what my present is ! " said 
 Uggug, who had taken the butter-dish from 
 the table, and was standing behind her, with a 
 wicked leer on his face. 
 
 " No, I ca'n't guess," Sylvie said without 
 looking up. She was still examining the Pro- 
 fessor's pincushion. 
 
 '* It's this f' cried the bad boy, exultingly, as 
 he emptied the dish over her, and then, with 
 
38 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 a grin of delight at his own cleverness, looked 
 round for applause. 
 
 Sylvie coloured crimson, as she shook off the 
 butter from her frock : but she kept her lips 
 tight shut, and walked away to the window, 
 where she stood looking out and trying to 
 recover her temper. 
 
 Uggug's triumph was a very short one : the 
 Sub-Warden had returned, just in time to be 
 a witness of his dear child's playfulness, and 
 in another moment a skilfully-applied box 
 on the ear had changed the grin of delight 
 into a howl of pain. 
 
 *' My darling ! " cried his mother, enfolding 
 him in her fat arms. " Did they box his ears 
 for nothing ? A precious pet ! " 
 
 ** It's not for nothing!'' growled the angry 
 father. *' Are you aware. Madam, that / pay 
 the house-bills, out of a fixed annual sum ? 
 The loss of all that wasted butter falls on 
 me ! Do you hear. Madam ! " 
 
 " Hold your tongue, Sir ! " My Lady spoke 
 
 very quietly almost in a whisper. But there 
 
 was something in her look which silenced him. 
 *' Don't you see it was only a joke ? And a 
 
Ill] BIRTHDAY-PRESENTS. 39 
 
 very clever one, too ! He only meant that he 
 loved nobody but her ! And, instead of being 
 pleased with the compliment, the spiteful little 
 thing has gone away in a huff! " 
 
 The Sub-Warden was a very good hand at 
 changing a subject. He walked across to the 
 window. "My dear," he said, '* is that a pig 
 that I see down below, rooting about among 
 your flower-beds ? " 
 
 "A pig !'' shrieked my Lady, rushing madly 
 to the window, and almost pushing her husband 
 out, in her anxiety to see for herself '' Whose 
 pig is it ? How did it get in ? Where's that 
 crazy Gardener gone ? " 
 
 At this moment Bruno re-entered the room, 
 and passing Uggug (who was blubbering his 
 loudest, in the hope of attracting notice) as if 
 he was quite used to that sort of thing, he ran 
 up to Sylvie and threw his arms round her. 
 ** I went to my toy-cupboard," he said with 
 a very sorrowful face, '' to see if there were 
 some/in fit for a present for 00 1 And there 
 isn't nuffin ! They s all broken, every one ! 
 And I haven't got no money left, to buy 00 
 a birthday-present ! And I ca'n't give 00 
 
40 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 nuffin but this /" (** Tkis^' was a very earnest 
 hug and a kiss.) 
 
 " Oh, thank you, dading ! " cried Sylvie. " I 
 Hke your present best of all ! " (But if so, 
 why did she give it back so quickly }) 
 
 His Sub-Excellency turned and patted the 
 two children on the head with his long lean 
 hands. ** Go away, dears ! " he said. *' There's 
 business to talk over." 
 
 Sylvie and Bruno went away hand in hand : 
 but, on reaching the door, Sylvie came back 
 again and went up tcr Uggug timidly. *' I don't 
 mind about the butter," she said, ^'and I — I'm 
 sorry he hurt you ! " And she tried to shake 
 hands with the little ruffian : but Uggug only 
 blubbered louder, and wouldn't make friends. 
 Sylvie left the room with a sigh. 
 
 The Sub-Warden glared angrily at his weep- 
 ing son. " Leave the room. Sirrah ! " he said, 
 as loud as he dared. His wife was still leaning 
 out of the window, and kept repeating " I cant 
 see that pig ! Where is it ? " 
 
 " It's moved to the right now it's gone a 
 
 little to the left," said the Sub- Warden : but 
 he had his back to the window, and was making 
 
Ill] 
 
 BIRTHDAY-PRESENTS. 
 
 41 
 
 signals to the Lord Chancellor, pointing to 
 Uggug and the door, with many a cunning 
 nod and wink. 
 
 The Chancellor caught his meaning at last, 
 and, crossing the room, took that interesting 
 
 child by the ear the next moment he and 
 
 Uggug were out of the room, and the door shut 
 behind them : but not before one piercing yell 
 had rung through the room, and reached the 
 ears of the fond mother. 
 
 " What is that hideous noise } " she fiercely 
 asked, turning upon her startled husband. 
 
42 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 ** It's some hyaena or other," repHed the 
 
 Sub- Warden, looking vaguely up to the ceiling, 
 as if that was where they usually were to be 
 found. '' Let us to business, my dear. Here 
 comes the Warden." And he picked up from 
 the floor a wandering scrap of manuscript, on 
 which I just caught the words ' after which 
 Election duly holden the said Sibimet and 
 Tabikat his wife may at their pleasure assume 
 
 Imperial ' before, with a guilty look, he 
 
 crumpled it up in his hand. 
 
CHAPTER IV, 
 
 A CUNNING CONSPIRACY. 
 
 The Warden entered at this moment : and 
 close behind him came the Lord Chancellor, a 
 little flushed and out of breath, and adjusting 
 his wig, which appeared to have been dragged 
 partly off his head. 
 
 "But where is my precious child?" my 
 Lady enquired, as the four took their seats at 
 the small side-table devoted to ledgers and 
 bundles and bills. 
 
 "He left the room a few minutes ago 
 
 with the Lord Chancellor," the Sub-Warden 
 briefly explained. 
 
44 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 " Ah ! " said my Lady, graciously smiling on 
 that high official. '' Your Lordship has a very 
 taking way with children ! I doubt if any one 
 could gain the ear of my darling Uggug so 
 quickly as you can ! " For an entirely stupid 
 woman, my Lady's remarks were curiously full 
 of meaning, of which she herself was wholly 
 unconscious. 
 
 The Chancellor bowed, but with a very 
 uneasy air. '' 1 think the Warden was about 
 to speak," he remarked, evidently anxious to 
 change the subject. 
 
 But my Lady would not be checked. ''He 
 is a clever boy," she continued with enthusiasm, 
 '* but he needs a man like your Lordship to 
 draw him out ! " 
 
 The Chancellor bit his lip, and was silent. 
 He evidently feared that, stupid as she looked, 
 she understood what she said this time, and 
 was having a joke at his expense. He might 
 have spared himself all anxiety : whatever acci- 
 dental meaning her words might have, she 
 herself never meant anything at all. 
 
 * It is all settled ! " the Warden announced, 
 wasting no time over preliminaries. '' The 
 
IV] A CUNNING CONSPIRACY. 45 
 
 Sub-Wardenship is abolished, and my brother 
 is appointed to act as Vice- Warden whenever 
 I am absent. So, as I^am going abroad for a 
 while, he will enter on his new duties at once." 
 
 ** And there will really be a Vice after all ? " 
 my Lady enquired. 
 
 " I hope so ! " the Warden smilingly replied. 
 
 My Lady looked much pleased, and tried 
 to clap her hands : but you might as well have 
 knocked two feather-beds together, for any 
 noise it made. ''When my husband is Vice," 
 she said, " it will be the same as if we had a 
 hundred Vices ! " 
 
 " Hear, hear ! " cried the Sub- Warden. 
 
 " You seem to think it very remarkable," my 
 Lady remarked with some severity, "that your 
 wife should speak the truth ! " 
 
 "No, not remarkable at all ! " her husband 
 anxiously explained. " Nothing is remarkable 
 that you say, sweet one ! " 
 
 My Lady smiled approval of the sentiment, 
 and went on. " And am I Vice-Wardeness .-^ " 
 
 "If you choose to use that title," said the 
 Warden : "but 'Your Excellency' will be the 
 proper style of address. And I trust that both 
 
46 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 ^ His Excellency ' and ' Her Excellency ' will 
 observe the Agreement I have drawn up. The 
 provision I am most anxious about is this." 
 He unrolled a large parchment scroll, and read 
 aloud the words *' ' item, that we will be kind 
 to the poor.' The Chancellor worded it for 
 me," he added, glancing at that great Func- 
 tionary. '* I suppose, now, that word ' item ' 
 has some deep legal meaning ? " 
 
 '' Undoubtedly ! " replied the Chancellor, as 
 articulately as he could with a pen between 
 his lips. He was nervously rolling and un- 
 rolling several other scrolls, and making room 
 among them for the one the Warden had just 
 handed to him. "■ These are merely the rough 
 copies," he explained : '* and, as soon as I have 
 
 put in the final corrections " making a great 
 
 commotion among the different parchments, 
 
 " a semi-colon or two that I have accidentally 
 
 omitted " here he darted about, pen in hand, 
 
 from one part of the scroll to another, spread- 
 ing sheets of blotting-paper over his corrections, 
 *'all will be ready for signing." 
 
 "■ Should it not be read out, first ? " my 
 Lady enquired. 
 
IV] A CUNNING CONSPIRACY. 47 
 
 ** No need, no need ! " the Sub- Warden and 
 the Chancellor exclaimed at the same moment, 
 with feverish eagerness. 
 
 "No need at all," the Warden gently assented. 
 ** Your husband and I have gone through it 
 together. It provides that he shall exercise 
 the full authority of Warden, and shall have 
 the disposal of the annual revenue attached to 
 the office, until my return, or, failing that, until 
 Bruno comes of age : and that he shall then 
 hand:'over, to myself or to Bruno as the case 
 may be, the Wardenship, the unspent revenue, 
 and the contents of the Treasury, which are to 
 be preserved, intact, under his guardianship." 
 
 All this time the Sub-Warden was busy, 
 with the Chancellor's help, shifting the papers 
 from side to side, and pointing out to the 
 Warden the place where he was to sign. He 
 then signed it himself, and my Lady and the 
 Chancellor added their names as witnesses. 
 
 " Short partings are best," said the Warden. 
 **A11 is ready for my journey. My children 
 are-waiting below to see me off." He gravely 
 kissed my Lady, shook hands with his brother 
 and the Chancellor, and left the room. 
 
48 
 
 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
IV] A CUNNING CONSPIRACY. 49 
 
 The three waited in silence till the sound 
 of wheels announced that the Warden was 
 out of hearing : then, to my surprise, they 
 broke into peals of uncontrollable laughter. 
 
 "What a game, oh, what a game!" cried 
 the Chancellor. And he and the Vice- Warden 
 joined hands, and skipped wildly about the 
 room. My Lady was too dignified to skip, 
 but she laughed like the neighing of a horse, 
 and waved her handkerchief above her head : 
 it was clear to her very limited understanding 
 that something very clever had been done, but 
 what it was she had yet to learn. 
 
 ** You said I should hear all about it when 
 the Warden had gone," she remarked, as soon 
 as she could make herself heard. 
 
 '* And so you shall, Tabby ! " her husband 
 graciously replied, as he removed the blotting- 
 paper, and showed the two parchments lying 
 side' by side. " This is the one he read but 
 didn't sign : and this is the one he signed but 
 didn't read ! You see it was all covered up, 
 except the place for signing the names " 
 
 '* Yes, yes ! " my Lady interrupted eagerly, 
 and began comparing the two Agreements. 
 
 £ 
 
50 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 '''Item, that he shall exercise the authority 
 of Warden, in the Wardens absence.' Why, 
 that's been changed into 'shall be absolute 
 governor for life, with the title of Emperor, if 
 elected to that office by the people.' What ! 
 Are you Emperor, darling ? " 
 
 '' Not yet, dear," the Vice-Warden replied. 
 *Mt won't do to let this paper be seen, just 
 at present. All in good time." 
 
 My Lady nodded, and read on. '' ' Item, that 
 we will be kind to the poor.' Why, that's 
 omitted altogether ! " 
 
 '' Course it is ! " said her husband. " Were 
 not going to bother about the wretches ! " 
 
 " Good,'' said my Lady, with emphasis, and 
 read on again. " ' Item, that the contents of 
 the Treasury be preserved intact.' Why, that's 
 altered into ' shall be at the absolute disposal 
 of the Vice- Warden ' ! ''Well, Sibby, that was 
 a clever trick ! All the Jewels, only think I 
 May I go and put them on directly ? " 
 
 "Well, not Just yet, Lovey," her husband 
 uneasily replied. " You see the public mind 
 isn't quite ripe for it yet. We must feel our 
 way. Of course we'll have the coach-and-four 
 
IV] A CUNNING CONSPIRACY. 51 
 
 out, at once. And TU take the title of Em- 
 peror, as soon as we can safely hold an Elec- 
 tion. But they'll hardly stand our using the 
 Jewels, as long as they know the Warden's 
 alive. We must spread a report of his death. 
 A little Conspiracy " 
 
 " A Conspiracy ! " cried the delighted lady, 
 clapping her hands. " Of all things, I do like 
 a Conspiracy ! It's so interesting ! " 
 
 The Vice- Warden and the Chancellor inter- 
 changed a wink or two. " Let her conspire to 
 her heart's content ! " the cunning Chancellor 
 whispered. " It'll do no harm ! " 
 
 " And when will the Conspiracy " 
 
 **Hist!" her husband hastily interrupted 
 her, as the door opened, and Sylvie and Bruno 
 came in, with their arms twined lovingly round 
 
 each other Bruno sobbing convulsively, with 
 
 his face hidden on his sister's shoulder, and 
 Sylvie more grave and quiet, but with tears 
 streaming down her cheeks. 
 
 ** Mustn't cry like that!" the Vice- Warden 
 said sharply, but without any effect on the 
 weeping children. ''Cheer 'em up a bit!" he 
 hinted to my Lady. 
 
 E 2 
 
52 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 *' Cake ! " my Lady muttered to herself with 
 great decision, crossing the room and opening a 
 cupboard, from which she presently returned 
 with two slices of plum-cake. " Eat, and don't 
 cry ! " were her short and simple orders : and 
 the poor children sat down side by side, but 
 seemed in no mood for eatingf. 
 
 For the second time the door opened or 
 
 rather was burst open, this time, as Uggug 
 rushed violently into the room, shouting ** that 
 old Beggar's come again ! " 
 
 ** He's not to have any food " the Vice- 
 Warden was beginning, but the Chancellor 
 interrupted him. " It's all right," he said, in a 
 low voice : " the servants have their orders." 
 
 ** He's just under here," said Uggug, who had 
 gone to the window, and was looking down into 
 the court-yard. 
 
 ** Where, my darling ? " said his fond mother, 
 flinging her arms round the neck of the little 
 monster. All of us (except Sylvie and Bruno, 
 who took no notice of what was going on) 
 followed her to the window. The old Beggar 
 looked up at us with hungry eyes. " Only a 
 crust of bread, your Highness ! " he pleaded. 
 
iv] 
 
 A CUNNING CONSPIRACY. 
 
 53 
 
 He was a fine 
 
 old man, but 
 looked sadly- 
 ill and worn. 
 >i' "A crust of 
 bread is what 
 I crave ! " he 
 repeated. ** A 
 single crust, and 
 a little water ! " 
 
 *' Here's some 
 water, drink this ! " 
 Uggug bellowed, emp- 
 tying a jug of water over 
 his head. 
 
 ** Well done, my boy ! " 
 cried the Vice-Warden. 
 " That's the way to settle 
 sueh folk ! " 
 
 ** Clever boy ! " the 
 Wardeness chimed 
 in. " Hasnt he 
 good spirits ? " 
 
 " Take a stick 
 to him ! " shouted 
 
54 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 the Vice-Warden, as the old Beggar shook the 
 water from his ragged cloak, and again gazed 
 meekly upwards. 
 
 ''Take a red-hot poker to him!" my Lady 
 again chimed in. 
 
 Possibly there was no red-hot poker handy : 
 but some sticks were forthcoming in a moment, 
 and threatening faces surrounded the poor old 
 wanderer, who waved them back with quiet 
 dignity. *' No need to break my old bones," 
 he said. " I am going. Not even a crust ! " 
 
 " Foot, poor old man ! " exclaimed a little voice 
 at my side, half choked with sobs. Bruno was 
 at the window, trying to throw out his slice of 
 plum-cake, but Sylvie held him back. 
 
 ''He s/ia// have my cake ! " Bruno cried, pas- 
 sionately struggling out of Sylvie's arms. 
 
 '*Yes, yes, darling!" Sylvie gently pleaded. 
 " But don't th-ow it out ! He's gone away, 
 don't you see ? Let's go after him." And she 
 led him out of the room, unnoticed by the rest 
 of the party, who were wholly absorbed in 
 watching the old Beggar. 
 
 The Conspirators returned to their seats, and 
 continued their conversation in an undertone, 
 
IV] A CUNNING CONSPIRACY. 55 
 
 SO as not to be heard by Uggug, who was still 
 standing at the window. 
 
 " By the way, there was something about 
 Bruno succeeding to the Wardenship," said 
 my Lady. " How does that stand in the 
 new Agreement ? " 
 
 The Chancellor chuckled. "Just the same, 
 word for word," he said, '* with one exception^ 
 my Lady. Instead of ' Bruno,' I've taken the 
 
 liberty to put in " he dropped his voice to 
 
 a whisper, '' to put in * Uggug,' you know !"" 
 
 " Uggug, indeed ! " I exclaimed, in a burst 
 of indignation I could no longer control. To 
 bring out even that one word seemed a gigan- 
 tic effort : but, the cry once uttered, all effort 
 ceased at once : a sudden gust swept away 
 the whole scene, and I found myself sitting 
 up, staring at the young lady in the opposite 
 corner of the carriage, who had now thrown 
 back her veil, and was looking at me with 
 an expression of amused surprise. 
 
CHAPTER V. 
 
 A BEGGARS PALACE. 
 
 That I had said something, in the act of 
 waking, I felt sure : the hoarse stifled cry was 
 still ringing in my ears, even if the startled 
 look of my fellow-traveler had not been evi- 
 dence enough : but what could I possibly say 
 by way of apology ? 
 
 '* I hope I didn't frighten you ? " I stam- 
 mered out at last. " I have no idea what I 
 said. I was dreaming." 
 
 ** You said 'Uggug indeed !' " the young lady 
 replied, with quivering lips that wozild curve 
 themselves into a smile, in spite of all her 
 
V] A BEGGAR'S PALACE. 57 
 
 efforts to look grave. " At least you didn't 
 
 say it you shouted it ! " 
 
 " rm very sorry," was all I could say, feeling 
 very penitent and helpless. ** She has Sylvie's 
 eyes!" I thought to myself, half- doubting 
 whether, even now, I were fairly awake. *' And 
 that sweet look of innocent wonder is all 
 Sylvie's, too. But Sylvie hasnt got that calm 
 
 resolute mouth nor that far-away look of 
 
 dreamy sadness, like one that has had some 
 
 deep sorrow, very long ago " And the 
 
 thick-coming fancies almost prevented my hear- 
 ing the lady's next words. 
 
 ** If you had had a 'Shilling Dreadful' in 
 your hand," she proceeded, '* something about 
 Ghosts or Dynamite or Midnight Mur- 
 der one could understand it : those things 
 
 aren't worth the shilling, unless they give one a 
 
 Nightmare. But really with only a medical 
 
 treatise, you know " and she glanced, 
 
 with a pretty shrug of contempt, at the book 
 over which I had fallen asleep. 
 
 Her friendliness, and utter unreserve, took 
 me aback for a moment ; yet there was no touch 
 of forwardness, or boldness, about the child 
 
S8 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 for child, almost, she seemed to be : I guessed 
 her at scarcely over twenty all was the inno- 
 cent frankness of some angelic visitant, new 
 to the ways of earth and the conventionalisms 
 
 or, if you will, the barbarisms of Society. 
 
 ''Even so," I mused, "will Sylvie look and 
 speak, in another ten years." 
 
 " You don't care for Ghosts, then," I ventured 
 to suggest, "unless they are really terrifying ? " 
 
 " Quite so," the lady assented. " The regular 
 Railway-Ghosts 1 mean the Ghosts of ordi- 
 nary Railway-literature are very poor affairs. 
 
 I feel inclined to say, with Alexander Selkirk, 
 ' Their tameness is shocking to me ' ! And they 
 never do any Midnight Murders. They couldn't 
 * welter in gore,' to save their lives ! " 
 
 " ' Weltering in gore ' is a very expressive 
 phrase, certainly. Can it be done in any fluid, 
 I wonder ? " 
 
 " I think not'' the lady readily replied 
 
 quite as if she had thought it out, long ago. 
 "It has to be something thick. For instance, 
 you might welter in bread-sauce. That, being 
 white, would be more suitable for a Ghost, 
 supposing it wished to welter ! " 
 
V] A BEGGAR'S PALACE. 59 
 
 " You have a real good terrifying Ghost 
 in that book ? " I hinted. 
 
 '* How could you guess ? " she exclaimed 
 with the most engaging frankness, and placed 
 the volume in my hands. I opened it eagerly, 
 with a not unpleasant thrill (like what a good 
 ghost-story gives one) at the ' uncanny ' coinci- 
 dence of my having so unexpectedly divined 
 the subject of her studies. 
 
 It was a book of Domestic Cookery, open 
 at the article ' Bread Sauce.' 
 
 I returned the book, looking, I suppose, a 
 little blank, as the lady laughed merrily at my 
 discomfiture. " It's far more exciting than some 
 of the modern ghosts, I assure you ! Now there 
 
 was a Ghost last month 1 don't mean a real 
 
 Ghost in in Supernature but in a Maga- 
 zine. It was a '^^xi^QxX'j flavourless Ghost. It 
 wouldn't have frightened a mouse ! It wasn't 
 a Ghost that one would even offer a chair to ! " 
 
 " Three score years and ten, baldness, and 
 spectacles, have their advantages after all ! " I 
 said to myself " Instead of a bashful youth 
 and maiden, gasping out monosyllables at aw- 
 ful intervals, here we have an old man and a 
 
6o SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 child, quite at their ease, talking as if they had 
 known each other for years ! Then you think/' 
 I continued aloud, '' that we ought sometimes to 
 ask a Ghost to sit down ? But have we any 
 authority for it ? In Shakespeare, for instance 
 
 there are plenty of ghosts there does 
 
 Shakespeare ever give the stage - direction 
 ' hands chair to Ghost ' P " 
 
 The lady looked puzzled and thoughtful for 
 
 a moment : then she almost clapped her hands. 
 
 '*Yes, yes, he does f' she cried. " He makes 
 
 Hamlet say ' Rest, rest, perturbed Spirit .^ ' " 
 
 *' And that, I suppose, means an easy-chair }'' 
 
 "An American rocking-chair, I think " 
 
 " Fayfield Junction, my Lady, change for 
 Elveston ! " the guard announced, flinging open 
 the door of the carriage : and we soon found 
 ourselves, with all our portable property around 
 us, on the platform. 
 
 The accommodation, provided for passengers 
 waiting at this Junction, was distinctly inade- 
 quate a single wooden bench, apparently 
 
 intended for three sitters only : and even this 
 was already partially occupied by a very old 
 man, in a smock frock, who sat, with rounded 
 
v] A BEGGAR'S PALACE. 6i 
 
 shoulders and drooping head, and with hands 
 clasped on the top of his stick so as to make 
 a sort of pillow for that wrinkled face with 
 its look of patient weariness. 
 
 '* Come, you be off!" the Station-master 
 roughly accosted the poor old man. " You 
 be off, and make way for your betters ! This 
 way, my Lady ! " he added in a perfectly dif- 
 ferent tone. "If your Ladyship will take a 
 seat, the train will be up in a few minutes." 
 The cringing servility of his manner was due, 
 no doubt, to the address legible on the pile of 
 luggage, which announced their owner to be 
 •' Lady Muriel Orme, passenger to Elveston, 
 via Fay field Junction." 
 
 As I watched the old man slowly rise to his 
 feet, and hobble a few paces down the plat- 
 form, the lines came to my lips : — 
 
 '^ From sackcloth couch the Monk arose. 
 
 With toil his stiffened limbs he reared ; 
 A hundred years had flung tlieir snows 
 On his thin locks arid floating beards 
 
 But the lady scarcely noticed the litde in- 
 cident. After one glance at the * banished 
 
62 
 
 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 man,' who stood tremulously leaning on his 
 stick, she turned to me. " This is not an 
 
V] A BEGGAR'S PALACE. 63 
 
 American rocking-chair, by any means ! Yet 
 may I say," slightly changing her place, so as 
 to make room for me beside her, ** may I say, 
 
 in Hamlet's words, ' Rest, rest ' " she broke 
 
 off with a silvery laugh. 
 
 '' perturbed Spirit!'" I finished the 
 
 sentence for her. *' Yes, that describes a rail- 
 way-traveler exactly ! And here is an instance 
 of it," I added, as the tiny local train drew 
 up alongside the platform, and the porters 
 
 bustled about, opening carriage-doors one of 
 
 them helping the poor old man to hoist him- 
 self into a third-class carriage, while another 
 of them obsequiously conducted the lady and 
 myself into a first-class. 
 
 She paused, before following him, to watch 
 the progress of the other passenger. " Poor 
 old man ! " she said. " How weak and ill he 
 looks ! It was a shame to let him be turned 
 
 away like that. I'm very sorry " At this 
 
 moment it dawned on me that these words 
 were not addressed to me, but that she was 
 unconsciously thinking aloud. I moved away 
 a few steps, and waited to follow her into the 
 carriage, where I resumed the conversation. 
 
64 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 " Shakespeare must have traveled by rail, 
 if only in a dream : * perturbed Spirit ' is such 
 a happy phrase." 
 
 *' ' Perturbed ' referring, no doubt," she re- 
 joined, '' to the sensational booklets peculiar 
 to the Rail. If Steam has done nothing else, 
 it has at least added a whole new Species 
 to English Literature ! " 
 
 *'No doubt of it," I echoed. ''The true 
 origin of all our medical books — and all our 
 cookery-books " 
 
 '* No, no ! " she broke in merrily. '' I didn't 
 mean our Literature ! We are quite abnormal. 
 
 But the booklets the little thrilling romances, 
 
 where the Murder comes at page fifteen, and 
 
 the Wedding at page forty surely they are 
 
 due to Steam ? " 
 
 ''And when we travel by Electricity if I 
 
 may venture to develop your theory we 
 
 shall have leaflets instead of booklets, and 
 the Murder and the Wedding will come on 
 the same page." 
 
 "A development worthy of Darwin!" the 
 lady exclaimed enthusiastically. " Only you 
 reverse his theory. Instead of developing a 
 
v] A BEGGAR'S PALACE. 6$ 
 
 mouse into an elephant, you would develop 
 an elephant into a mouse ! " But here we 
 plunged into a tunnel, and I leaned back and 
 closed my eyes for a moment, trying to recall 
 a few of the incidents of my recent dream. 
 
 '' I thought I saw " I murmured sleepily: 
 
 and then the phrase insisted on conjugating 
 
 itself, and ran into " you thought you saw 
 
 he thought he saw " and then it suddenly 
 
 went off into a song : — 
 
 ^' He thought he saw an Elephant, 
 That practised on a fife : 
 He looked again, and found it was 
 
 A letter from his wife. 
 'At length I realise ! he said, 
 * The bitterness of Life I ' " 
 
 And what a wild being it was who sang 
 these wild words ! A Gardener he seemed to 
 
 be yet surely a mad one, by the way he 
 
 brandished his rake madder, by the way he 
 
 broke, ever and anon, into a frantic jig 
 
 maddest of all, by the shriek in which he 
 brought out the last words of the stanza! 
 
 F 
 
66 
 
 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 It was so far a de- 
 scription of himself 
 that he had \}^^ feet 
 of an Elephant : but 
 the rest of him was 
 skin and bone : and 
 the wisps of loose 
 straw, that bristled 
 all about him, sug- 
 gested that he had 
 been originally stuff- 
 ed with it, and that 
 nearly all the stuff- 
 ing had come out. 
 Sylvie and Bruno waited patiently till the 
 
 end of the first verse. Then Sylvie advanced 
 
 alone (Bruno having suddenly turned shy) and 
 
 timidly introduced herself with the words 
 
 ''Please, I'm Sylvie!" 
 
 '* And who's that other thing ? " said the 
 
 Gardener. 
 
 '* What thing } " said Sylvie, looking round. 
 
 ** Oh, that's Bruno. He's my brother." 
 
 *' Was he your brother yesterday ? " the 
 
 Gardener anxiously enquired. 
 
V] A BEGGAR'S PALACE. 67 
 
 " Course I were ! " cried Bruno, who had 
 gradually crept nearer, and didn't at all like 
 being talked about without having his share 
 in the conversation. 
 
 "Ah, well!" the Gardener said with a kind 
 of groan. "Things change so, here. When- 
 ever I look again, it's sure to be something 
 different ! Yet I does my duty ! I gets up 
 wriggle-early at five " 
 
 " If I was 00!' said Bruno, " I wouldn't 
 wriggle so early. It's as bad as being a 
 worm ! " he added, in an undertone to Sylvie. 
 
 " But you shouldn't be lazy in the morning, 
 Bruno," said Sylvie. " Remember, it's the 
 early bird that picks up the worm ! " 
 
 "It may, if it likes!" Bruno said with a 
 slight yawn. " I don't like eating worms, one 
 bit. I always stop in bed till the early bird 
 has picked them up!" 
 
 " I wonder you've the face to tell me such 
 fibs I " cried the Gardener. 
 
 To which Bruno wisely replied " Oo don't 
 want diface to tell fibs wiz only a tnouf." 
 
 Sylvie discreetly changed the subject. "And 
 did you plant all these flowers } " she said. 
 
 F 2 
 
68 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 **What a lovely garden you've made! Do 
 you know, I'd like to live here always ! " 
 
 ** In the winter-nights " the Gardener 
 
 was beginning. 
 
 *' But I'd nearly forgotten what we came 
 about!" Sylvie interrupted. ''Would you 
 please let us through into the road ? There's 
 
 a poor old beggar just gone out and he's 
 
 very hungry and Bruno wants to give him 
 
 his cake, you know ! " 
 
 ** It's as much as my place is worth!" the 
 Gardener muttered, taking a key from his 
 pocket, and beginning to unlock a door in 
 the garden-wall. 
 
 " How much are it wurf ? " Bruno innocently 
 enquired. 
 
 But the Gardener only grinned. " That's a 
 secret ! " he said. '' Mind you come back 
 quick ! " he called after the children, as they 
 passed out into the road. I had just time to 
 follow them, before he shut the door again. 
 
 We hurried down the road, and very soon 
 caught sight of the old Beggar, about a 
 quarter of a mile ahead of us, and the children 
 at once set off running to overtake him. 
 
v] A BEGGAR'S PALACE. 69 
 
 Lightly and swiftly they skimmed over the 
 ground, and I could not in the least understand 
 how it was I kept up with them so easily. But 
 the unsolved problem did not worry me so 
 much as at another time it might have done, 
 there were so many other things to attend to. 
 
 The old Beggar must have been very deaf, as 
 he paid no attention whatever to Bruno's eager 
 shouting, but trudged wearily on, never pausing 
 until the child got in front of him and held up 
 the slice of cake. The poor little fellow was 
 quite out of breath, and could only utter the one 
 
 word " Cake !" not with the gloomy decision 
 
 with which Her Excellency had so lately pro- 
 nounced it, but with a sweet childish timidity, 
 looking up into the old man's face with eyes 
 that loved ' all things both great and small.' 
 
 The old man snatched it from him, and de- 
 voured it greedily, as some hungry wild beast 
 might have done, but never a word of thanks 
 
 did he give his little benefactor only growled 
 
 ** More, more ! " and glared at the half- frightened 
 children. 
 
 " There is no more ! " Sylvie said with tears 
 in her eyes. " I'd eaten mine. It was a shame 
 
70 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 to let you be turned away like that. Vm 
 
 very sorry 
 
 I lost the rest of the sentence, for my mind 
 had recurred, with a great shock of surprise, to 
 Lady Muriel Orme, who had so lately uttered 
 
 these very words of Sylvie's yes, and in 
 
 Sylvie's own voice, and with Sylvie's gentle 
 pleading eyes ! 
 
 " Follow me ! " were the next words I heard, 
 as the old man waved his hand, with a dignified 
 grace that ill suited his ragged dress, over a 
 bush, that stood by the road side, which began 
 instantly to sink into the earth. At another 
 time I might have doubted the evidence of 
 my eyes, or at least have felt some astonish- 
 ment : but, in ^/^zs strange scene, my whole 
 being seemed absorbed in strong curiosity as 
 to what would happen next. 
 
 When the bush had sunk quite out of our 
 sight, marble steps were seen, leading down- 
 wards into darkness. The old man led the way, 
 and we eagerly followed. 
 
 The staircase was so dark, at first, that I could 
 only just see the forms of the children, as, hand- 
 in-hand, they groped their way down after their 
 
v] A BEGGAR'S PALACE. 71 
 
 guide : but it got lighter every moment, with a 
 strange silvery brightness, that seemed to exist 
 in the air, as there were no lamps visible ; and, 
 when at last we reached a level floor, the room, 
 in which we found ourselves, was almost as 
 light as day. 
 
 It was eight-sided, having in each angle a 
 slender pillar, round which silken draperies 
 were twined. The wall between the pillars was 
 entirely covered, to the height of six or seven 
 feet, with creepers, from which hung quantities 
 of ripe fruit and of brilliant flowers, that almost 
 hid the leaves. In another place, perchance, I 
 might have wondered to see fruit and flowers 
 growing together : here, my chief wonder was 
 that neither fruit nor flowers were such as I 
 had ever seen before. Higher up, each wall 
 contained a circular window of coloured glass ; 
 and over all was an arched roof, that seemed 
 to be spangled all over with jewels. 
 
 With hardly less wonder, I turned this way 
 and that, trying to make out how in the world 
 we had come in : for there was no door : and 
 all the walls were thickly covered with the 
 lovely creepers. 
 
72 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 **Weare safe here, my darlings!" said the 
 old man, laying a hand on Sylvie's shoulder, and 
 bending down to kiss her. Sylvie drew back 
 hastily, with an offended air : but in another 
 moment, with a glad cry of ** Why, it's Father !'\ 
 she had run into his arms. 
 
 " Father ! Father ! " Bruno repeated : and, 
 while the happy children were being hugged 
 and kissed, I could but rub my eyes and say 
 '' Where, then, are the rags gone to ? " ; for the 
 old man was now dressed in royal robes that 
 glittered with jewels and gold embroidery, and 
 wore a circlet of gold around his head. 
 
CHAPTER VI. 
 
 THE MAGIC LOCKET. 
 
 ** Where are we, father ? " Sylvie whispered, 
 with her arms twined closely around the old 
 man's neck, and with her rosy cheek lovingly 
 pressed to his. 
 
 ** In Elfland, darling. It's one of the pro- 
 vinces of Fairyland." 
 
 • " But I thought Elfland was ever so far 
 from Outland : and we've come such a tmy 
 little way ! " 
 
 " You came by the Royal Road, sweet one. 
 Only those of royal blood can travel along it : 
 but youve been royal ever since I was made 
 
74 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 King of Elfland that's nearly a month ago. 
 
 They sent two ambassadors, to make sure 
 that their invitation to me, to be their new- 
 King, should reach me. One was a Prince ; 
 so he was able to come by the Royal Road, 
 and to come invisibly to all but me : the other 
 was a Baron ; so he had to come by the 
 common road, and I dare say he hasn't even 
 arrived yet." 
 
 ''Then how far have we come?" Sylvie 
 enquired. 
 
 " Just a thousand miles, sweet one, since the 
 Gardener unlocked that door for you." 
 
 "■ A thousand miles ! " Bruno repeated. 
 ** And may I eat one ? " 
 
 '' Eat a mile, little rogue ?" 
 
 " No," said Bruno. '' I mean may I eat one 
 of that fruits ? " 
 
 **Yes, child," said his father: *'and then 
 
 you'll find out what Pleasure is like the 
 
 Pleasure we all seek so madly, and enjoy so 
 mournfully ! " 
 
 Bruno ran eagerly to the wall, and picked a 
 fruit that was shaped something like a banana, 
 but had the colour of a strawberry. 
 
VI] THE MAGIC LOCKET. 75 
 
 He ate it with beaming looks, that became 
 gradually more gloomy, and were very blank 
 indeed by the time he had finished. 
 
 " It hasn't got no taste at all ! " he complained. 
 
 " I couldn't feel nuffin in my mouf ! It's a 
 
 what's that hard word, Sylvie ? " 
 
 "It was a Phlizz'' Sylvie gravely replied. 
 '' Are they all like that, father ? " 
 
 " They're all like that to you, darling, be- 
 cause you don't belong to Elfland yet. But 
 
 to me they are real." 
 
 Bruno looked puzzled. " I'll try anuvver 
 kind of fruits ! " he said, and jumped down off 
 the King's knee. '* There's some lovely striped 
 ones, just like a rainbow ! " And off he ran. 
 
 Meanwhile the Fairy-King and Sylvie were 
 talking together, but in such low tones that I 
 could not catch the words : so I followed Bruno, 
 who was picking and eating other kinds of 
 fruit, in the vain hope of finding some that had 
 
 a taste. I tried to pick some myself but it 
 
 was like grasping air, and I soon gave up the 
 attempt and returned to Sylvie. 
 
 *' Look well at it, my darling," the old man 
 was saying, '* and tell me how you like it" 
 
76 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 " It's just lovely,^' cried Sylvie, delightedly. 
 " Bruno, come and look ! " And she held up, 
 so that he might see the light through it, a 
 heart-shaped Locket, apparently cut out of a 
 single jewel, of a rich blue colour, with a 
 slender gold chain attached to it. 
 
 "It are welly pretty," Bruno more soberly 
 remarked : and he began spelling out some 
 
 words inscribed on it. *' All will love 
 
 Sylvie," he made them out at last. '* And so 
 they doos ! " he cried, clasping his arms round 
 her neck. '' Everybody loves Sylvie ! " 
 
 '' But we love her best, don't we, Bruno ?" 
 said the old King, as he took possession of the 
 Locket. " Now, Sylvie, look at this!' And he 
 showed her, lying on the palm of his hand, 
 a Locket of a deep crimson colour, the same 
 shape as the blue one and, like it, attached 
 to a slender golden chain. 
 
 '* Lovelier and lovelier ! " exclaimed Sylvie, 
 clasping her hands in ecstasy. " Look, Bruno ! " 
 
 " And there's words on this one, too," said 
 Bruno. " Sylvie -will love all." 
 
 " Now you see the difference," said the old 
 man : /'different colours and different words. 
 
VI] THE MAGIC LOCKET. 77 
 
 Choose one of them, darling. I'll give you 
 whichever you like best." 
 
 Sylvie whispered the words, several times 
 over, with a thoughtful smile, and then made 
 her decision. '* It's very nice to be loved," 
 she said : " but it's nicer to love other people ! 
 May I have the red one, Father ? " 
 
 The old man said nothing : but I could see 
 his eyes fill with tears, as he bent his head 
 and pressed his lips to her forehead in a long 
 loving kiss. Then he undid the chain, and 
 showed her how to fasten it round her neck, 
 and to hide it away under the edge of her 
 
78 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 frock. ''It's for you to keep, you know," he 
 said in a low voice, " not for other people to 
 see. You'll remember how to use it ? " 
 
 " Yes, I'll remember," said Sylvie. 
 
 " And now, darlings, it's time for you to 
 go back, or they'll be missing you, and then 
 that poor Gardener will get into trouble ! " 
 
 Once more a feeling of wonder rose in my 
 mind as to how in the world we were to get 
 
 back again since I took it for granted that, 
 
 wherever the children went, / was to go but 
 
 no shadow of doubt seemed to cross their 
 minds, as they hugged and kissed him, mur- 
 muring, over and over again, " Good-bye, 
 darling Father!" And then, suddenly and 
 swiftly, the darkness of midnight seemed to 
 close in upon us, and through the darkness 
 harshly rang a strange wild song : — 
 
 He thought he saw a Buffalo 
 
 Upon the chimney-piece: 
 He looked again, a?id found it was 
 
 His Sister's Husband's Niece. 
 * Unless you leave this housed he said^ 
 
 ' ril send for the Police I ' " 
 
VI] 
 
 THE MAGIC LOCKET. 
 
 79 
 
 "That was me I'' he added, looking out at 
 us, through the half-opened door, as we stood 
 waiting in the road. " And that's what I'd 
 
 have done as sure as potatoes aren't radishes 
 
 if she hadn't have tooken herself off! But 
 
 I always loves my pay-rints like anything." 
 
 " Who are oox pay -rints ?" said Bruno. 
 
 " Them as pay rint for me, a course ! " the 
 Gardener replied. ** You can come in now, if 
 you like." 
 
 He flung the door open as he spoke, and we 
 got out, a little dazzled and stupefied (at least / 
 
8o SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 felt so) at the sudden transition from the half- 
 darkness of the railway-carriage to the bril- 
 liantly-lighted platform of Elveston Station. 
 
 A footman, in a handsome livery, came 
 forwards and respectfully touched his hat. 
 ** The carriage is here, my Lady," he said, 
 taking from her the wraps and small articles 
 she was carrying : and Lady Muriel, after 
 shaking hands and bidding me ''Good-night!" 
 with a pleasant smile, followed him. 
 
 It was with a somewhat blank and lonely 
 feeling that I betook myself to the van from 
 which the luggage was being taken out : and, 
 after giving directions to have my boxes sent 
 after me, I made my way on foot to Arthur's 
 lodgings, and soon lost my lonely feeling in the 
 hearty welcome my old friend gave me, and 
 the cozy warmth and cheerful light of the little 
 sitting-room into which he led me. 
 
 '' Little, as you see, but quite enough for us 
 two. Now, take the easy-chair, old fellow, and 
 let's have another look at you ! Well, you do 
 look a bit pulled down ! " and he put on a 
 solemn professional air. '* I prescribe Ozone, 
 quant, suff. Social dissipation, fiant pilules 
 
VI] THE MAGIC LOCKET. 8l 
 
 quant plurimcs : to be taken, feasting, three 
 times a day ! " 
 
 " But, Doctor ! " I remonstrated. " Society 
 doesn't * receive ' three times a day ! " 
 
 '* That's all you know about it ! " the young 
 Doctor gaily replied. '' At home, lawn-tennis, 
 3 P.M. At home, kettledrum, 5 p.m. At home, 
 music (Elveston doesn't give dinners), 8 p.m. 
 Carriages at 10. There you are !" 
 
 It sounded very pleasant, I was obliged to 
 admit. ** And I know some of the /<aj^-society 
 already," I added. " One of them came in 
 the same carriage with me." 
 
 ''What was she like .-^ Then perhaps I can 
 identify her." 
 
 "The name was Lady Muriel Orme. As to 
 
 what she was like well, / thought her very 
 
 beautiful. Do you know her } " 
 
 "• Yes 1 do know her." And the grave 
 
 Doctor coloured slightly as he added " Yes, I 
 agree with you. She is beautiful." 
 
 "/ quite lost my heart to her!" I went on 
 mischievously. " We talked " 
 
 ''Have some supper!" Arthur interrupted 
 with an air of relief, as the maid entered with 
 
 G 
 
82 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 the tray. And he steadily resisted all my 
 attempts to return to the subject of Lady 
 Muriel until the evening had almost worn itself 
 away. Then, as we sat gazing into the fire, 
 and conversation was lapsing into silence, he 
 made a hurried confession. 
 
 '* I hadn't meant to tell you anything about 
 her," he said (naming no names, as if there 
 were only one ' she ' in the world !) " till you 
 had seen more of her, a.nd formed your own 
 judgment of her : but somehow you surprised 
 it out of me. And I've not breathed a word 
 of it to any one else. But I can trust j/^^^ with 
 a secret, old friend ! Yes ! It's true of mCy 
 what I suppose you said in jest *' 
 
 ** In the merest jest, believe me ! " I said 
 earnestly. " Why, man, I'm three times her 
 age! But if she's jj/^^^ choice, then I'm sure 
 she's all that is good and " 
 
 '* and sweet," Arthur went on, *' and pure, 
 
 and self-denying, and true-hearted, and " he 
 
 broke off hastily, as if he could not trust him- 
 self to say more on a subject so sacred and so 
 precious. Silence followed : and I leaned back 
 drowsily in my easy-chair, filled with bright 
 
VI] THE MAGIC LOCKET. 83 
 
 and beautiful Imaginings of Arthur and his 
 lady-love, and of all the peace and happiness 
 in store for them. 
 
 I pictured them to myself walking together, 
 lingeringly and lovingly, under arching trees, 
 in a sweet garden of their own, and welcomed 
 back by their faithful gardener, on their return 
 from some brief excursion. 
 
 It seemed natural enough that the gardener 
 should be filled with exuberant delight at the 
 return of so gracious a master and mistress 
 
 and how strangely childlike they looked ! 
 
 I could have taken them for Sylvie and Bruno 
 
 less natural that he should show it by such 
 
 wild dances, such crazy songs ! 
 
 " He thought he saw a Rattlesnake 
 That questioned him in Greek : 
 He looked again, a7id found it was 
 
 The Middle of Next Week, 
 * The one thing I regret' he said, 
 * Is that it cannot speak / '" 
 
 least natural of all that the Vice- Warden 
 
 and * my Lady ' should be standing close be- 
 
 G 2 
 
84 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 side me, discussing an open letter, which had 
 just been handed to him by the Professor, 
 who stood, meekly waiting, a few yards off. 
 
 '* If it were not for those two brats," I 
 heard him mutter, glancing savagely at Sylvie 
 and Bruno, who were courteously listening to 
 the Gardener's song, *' there would be no 
 difficulty whatever." 
 
 " Let's hear that bit of the letter again," 
 said my Lady. And the Vice- Warden read 
 aloud : — 
 
 '* and we therefore entreat you gra- 
 ciously to accept the Kingship, to which you 
 have been unanimously elected by the Council 
 of Elfland : and that you will allow your 
 
 son Bruno of whose goodness, cleverness, 
 
 and beauty, reports have reached us to be 
 
 regarded as Heir-Apparent." 
 
 " But what's the difficulty ? " said my Lady. 
 
 " Why, don't you see ? The Ambassador, 
 that brought this, is waiting in the house : 
 and he's sure to see Sylvie and Bruno : and 
 then, when he sees Uggug, and remembers 
 all that about ' goodness, cleverness, and 
 beauty,' why, he's sure to " 
 
VI] THE MAGIC LOCKET. 85 
 
 " And where will you find a better boy than 
 UggMg ? " my Lady indignantly interrupted. 
 "■ Or a wittier, or a lovelier ? " 
 
 To all of which the Vice-Warden simply 
 replied '' Don't you be a great blethering 
 goose ! Our only chance is to keep those 
 two brats out of sight. If you can manage 
 that, you may leave the rest to me, I'll make 
 him believe Uggug to be a model of cleverness 
 and all that." 
 
 *'We must change his name to Bruno, of 
 course ? " said my Lady. 
 
 The Vice-Warden rubbed his chin. " Humph ! 
 No! "he said musingly. ''Wouldn't do. The 
 boy's such an utter idiot, he'd never learn to 
 answer to it." 
 
 '* Idiot, indeed!" cried my Lady. ''He's 
 no more an idiot than / am ! " 
 
 "You're right, my dear," the Vice- Warden 
 soothingly replied. " He isn't, indeed ! " 
 
 My Lady was appeased. " Let's go in and 
 receive the Ambassador," she said, and beckoned 
 to the Professor. " Which room is he waiting 
 in ? " she inquired. 
 
 " In the Library, Madam." 
 
86 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 ''And what did you say his name was?" 
 said the Vice- Warden. 
 
 The Professor referred to a card he held 
 in his hand. '* His Adiposity the Baron 
 Doppelgeist." 
 
 '' Why does he come with such a funny 
 name } " said my Lady. 
 
 '* He couldn't well change it on the jour- 
 ney," the Professor meekly replied, '' because 
 of the luggage." 
 
 '' You go and receive him," my Lady said 
 to the Vice- Warden, ''and Pll attend to the 
 children." 
 
CHAPTER VII. 
 
 THE baron's embassy. 
 
 I WAS following the Vice-Warden, but, on 
 second thoughts, went after my Lady, being 
 curious to see how she would manage to keep 
 the children out of sight. 
 
 I found her holding Sylvie's hand, and 
 with her other hand stroking Bruno's hair 
 in a most tender and motherly fashion : both 
 children were looking bewildered and half- 
 frightened. 
 
 " My own darlings," she was saying, *' I've 
 been planning a little treat for you ! The 
 Professor shall take you a long walk into the 
 
88 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 woods this beautiful, evening : and you shall 
 take a basket of food with you, and have a 
 little picnic down by the river ! " 
 
 Bruno jumped, and clapped his hands. '' That 
 are nice!" he cried. ''Aren't it, Sylvie?" 
 
 Sylvie, who hadn't quite lost her surprised 
 look, put up her mouth for a kiss. ** Thank 
 you very much," she said earnestly. 
 
 My Lady turned her head away to con- 
 ceal the broad grin of triumph that spread 
 over her vast face, like a ripple on a 
 lake. " Little simpletons ! " she muttered to 
 herself, as she marched up to the house. I 
 followed her in. 
 
 ** Quite so, your Excellency," the Baron was 
 saying as we entered the Library. ''All the 
 infantry were under 7ny command." He turned, 
 and was duly presented to my Lady. 
 
 " A military hero ? " said my Lady. The fat 
 little man simpered. " Well, yes," he replied, 
 modestly casting down his eyes. " My ances- 
 tors were all famous for military genius.'^ 
 
 My Lady smiled graciously. "It often runs 
 in families," she remarked: "just as a love for 
 pastry does." 
 
VII] THE BARON'S EMBASSY. 89 
 
 The Baron looked slightly offended, and the 
 Vice-Warden discreetly changed the subject. 
 " Dinner will soon be ready," he said. " May 
 I have the honour of conducting your Adiposity 
 to the guest-chamber ? " 
 
 *' Certainly, certainly ! " the Baron eagerly 
 assented. "It would never do to keep dinner 
 waiting ! " And he almost trotted out of the 
 room after the Vice- Warden. 
 
 He was back again so speedily that the Vice- 
 Warden had barely time to explain to my Lady 
 that her remark about '' a love for pastry " was 
 ** unfortunate. You might have seen, with 
 half an eye," he added, ''that that's his line. 
 Military genius, indeed ! Pooh ! " 
 
 " Dinner ready yet ?" the Baron enquired, as 
 he hurried into the room. 
 
 " Will be in a few minutes," the Vice-Warden 
 replied. " Meanwhile, let's take a turn in the 
 garden. You were telling me," he continued, 
 as the trio left the house, "something about a 
 great battle in which you had the command 
 of the infantry " 
 
 ** True." said the Baron. " The enemy, as I 
 was saying, far outnumbered us : but I marched 
 
90 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 my men right into the middle of what's 
 
 that ?" the Military Hero exclaimed in agitated 
 tones, drawing back behind the Vice-Warden, 
 as a strange creature rushed wildly upon them, 
 brandishing a spade. 
 
 " It's only the Gardener ! " the Vice- Warden 
 replied in an encouraging tone. " Quite harm- 
 less, I assure you. Hark, he's singing! It's 
 his favorite amusement." 
 
 And once more those shrill discordant tones 
 rang out : 
 
 " He thought he saw a Banker s Clerk 
 Descending from the bus : 
 
 He looked again, and found it was 
 A Hippopotamus : 
 
 ' If this should stay to dine,' he said, 
 ' There wont be much for us ! ' " 
 
 Throwing away the spade, he broke into a 
 frantic jig, snapping his fingers, and repeating, 
 again and again 
 
 " There won't be much for us ! 
 There won't be much for us ! " 
 
VIlJ 
 
 THE BARON'S EMBASSY. 
 
 91 
 
 Once more the Baron looked slightly offended, 
 but the Vice-Warden hastily explained that the 
 song had no allusion to him, and in fact had no 
 meaning at all. ** You didn't mean anything by 
 it, now did you ? " He appealed to the Gar- 
 dener, who had finished his song, and stood, 
 balancing himself on one leg, and looking at 
 them, with his mouth open. 
 
92 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 " I never means nothing," said the Gardener : 
 and Uggug luckily came up at the moment, 
 and gave the conversation a new turn. 
 
 '* Allow me to present my son/' said the Vice- 
 Warden ; adding, in a whisper, '' one of the best 
 and cleverest boys that ever lived ! I'll con- 
 trive for you to see some of his cleverness. He 
 knows everything that other boys dont know ; 
 and in archery, in fishing, in painting, and in 
 
 music, his skill is but you shall judge for 
 
 yourself. You see that target over there ? He 
 shall shoot an arrow at it. Dear boy," he went 
 on aloud, " his Adiposity would like to see you 
 shoot. Bring his Highness' bow and arrows!" 
 
 Uggug looked very sulky as he received the 
 bow and arrow, and prepared to shoot. Just as 
 the arrow left the bow, the Vice- Warden trod 
 heavily on the toe of the Baron, who yelled 
 with the pain. 
 
 '' Ten thousand pardons ! " he exclaimed. " I 
 stepped back in my excitement. See ! It is a 
 bull's-eye!" 
 
 The Baron gazed in astonishment. '' He held 
 the bow so awkwardly, it seemed impossible ! " 
 he muttered. But there was no room for doubt : 
 
vii] THE BARON'S EMBASSY. 93 
 
 there was the arrow, right in the centre of the 
 bull's-eye ! 
 
 *' The lake is close by," continued the Vice- 
 Warden. "Bring his Highness' fishing-rod!" 
 And Uggug most unwillingly held the rod, and 
 dangled the fly over the water. 
 
 "A beetle on your arm!" cried my Lady, 
 pinching the poor Baron's arm worse than if 
 ten lobsters had seized it at once. " That kind 
 is poisonous," she explained. ** But what a 
 pity I You missed seeing the fish pulled out ! " 
 
 An enormous dead cod-fish was lying on the 
 bank, with the hook in its mouth. 
 
 '' I had always fancied," the Baron faltered, 
 *' that cod were i"^//-water fish ? " 
 
 ** Not in this country," said the Vice-Warden. 
 " Shall we go in ? Ask my son some question 
 
 on the way any subject you like ! " And the 
 
 sulky boy was violently shoved forwards, to 
 walk at the Baron's side. 
 
 ** Could your Highness tell me," the Baron 
 cautiously began, " how much seven times nine 
 would come to } " 
 
 " Turn to the left I " cried the Vice-Warden, 
 hastily stepping forwards to show the way 
 
94 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 SO hastily, that he ran against his unfortunate 
 guest, who fell heavily on his face. 
 
 " So sorry ! " my Lady exclaimed, as she and 
 her husband helped him to his feet again. " My 
 son was in the act of saying ^ sixty-three ' as 
 you fell ! " 
 
 The Baron said nothing : he was covered 
 with dust, and seemed much hurt, both in body 
 and mind. However, when they had got him 
 into the house, and given him a good brushing, 
 matters looked a little better. 
 
 Dinner was served in due course, and every 
 fresh dish seemed to increase the good-humour 
 of the Baron : but all efforts, to get him to 
 express his opinion as to Uggug's cleverness, 
 were in vain, until that interesting youth had 
 left the room, and was seen from the open 
 window, prowling about the lawn with a Httle 
 basket, which he was filling with frogs. 
 
 "So fond of Natural History as he is, dear 
 boy ! " said the doting mother. '* Now do tell 
 us. Baron, what you think of him ! " 
 
 " To be perfectly candid," said the cautious 
 Baron, " I would like a /i/^/e more evidence. 
 I think you mentioned his skill in " 
 
VII] THE BARON'S EMBASSY. 95 
 
 "Music?" said the Vice-Warden. "Why, 
 he's simply a prodigy ! You shall hear him 
 play the piano." And he walked to the win- 
 dow. " Ug 1 mean my boy ! Come in for 
 
 a minute, arid bring the music-master with yoit ! 
 To turn over the music for him," he added as 
 an explanation. 
 
 Uggug, having filled his basket with frogs, 
 had no objection to obey, and soon appeared 
 in the room, followed by a fierce-looking little 
 man, who asked the Vice- Warden *' Vot music 
 vill you haf ?" 
 
 " The Sonata that His Highness plays so 
 charmingly," said the Vice-Warden. 
 
 " His Highness haf not " the music- 
 master began, but was sharply stopped by the 
 Vice-Warden. 
 
 ** Silence, Sir ! Go and turn over the music 
 for his Highness. My dear," (to the War- 
 deness) *' will you show him what to do "^ 
 And meanwhile. Baron, I'll just show you a 
 
 most interesting map we have of Outland, 
 
 and Fairyland, and that sort of thing." 
 
 By the time my Lady had returned, from 
 explaining things to the music-master, the map 
 
96 
 
 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
VII] THE BARON'S EMBASSY. 97 
 
 had been hung up, and the Baron was already- 
 much bewildered by the Vice- Warden's habit 
 of pointing to one place while he shouted out 
 the name of another. 
 
 My Lady joining in, pointing out other places, 
 and shouting other names, only made matters 
 worse ; and at last the Baron, in despair, 
 took to pointing out places for himself, and 
 feebly asked ''Is that great yellow splotch 
 Fairyland ? " 
 
 ** Yes, that's Fairyland," said the Vice- 
 Warden : *'and you might as well give him a 
 hint," he muttered to my Lady, '' about going 
 back to-morrow. He eats like a shark ! It 
 would hardly do for me to mention it." 
 
 His wife caught the idea, and at once began 
 giving hints of the most subtle and delicate 
 kind. " Just see what a short way it is back 
 to Fairyland ' Why, if you started to-morrow 
 morning, you'd get there in very little more 
 than a week ! " 
 
 The Baron looked incredulous. "It took 
 me a full month to come'' he said. 
 
 ** But it's ever so much shorter, going back, 
 you know ! " 
 
 H 
 
98 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 The Baron looked appealingly to the Vice- 
 Warden, who chimed in readily. '' You can go 
 hackyife times, in the time it took you to come 
 here once if you start to-morrow morning ! " 
 
 All this time the Sonata was pealing through 
 the room. The Baron could not help admitting 
 to himself that it was being magnificently 
 played : but he tried in vain to get a glimpse of 
 the youthful performer. Every time he had 
 nearly succeeded in catching sight of him, either 
 the Vice-Warden or his wife was sure to get in 
 the way, pointing out some new place on the 
 map, and deafening him with some new name. 
 
 He gave in at last, wished a hasty good- 
 night, and left the room, while his host and 
 hostess interchanged looks of triumph. 
 
 '* Deftly done ! " cried the Vice- Warden. 
 *' Craftily contrived ! But what means all that 
 tramping on the stairs ?'' He half-opened the 
 door, looked out, and added in a tone of dismay, 
 " The Baron's boxes are being carried down ! " 
 
 " And what means all that rumbling of 
 wheels ? " cried my Lady. She peeped through 
 the window curtains. " The Baron's carriage 
 has come round ! " she groaned. 
 
VII] THE BARON'S EMBASSY. 99 
 
 At this moment the door opened : a fat, 
 furious face looked in : a voice, hoarse with 
 passion, thundered out the words " My room is 
 
 full of frogs 1 leave you ! " : and the door 
 
 closed again. 
 
 And still the noble Sonata went pealing 
 through the room : but it was Arthur s mas- 
 terly touch that roused the echoes, and thrilled 
 my very soul with the tender music of the 
 immortal * Sonata Pathetique ' : and it was not 
 till the last note had died away that the tired 
 but happy traveler could bring himself to 
 utter the words ** good-night ! " and to seek his 
 much-needed pillow. 
 
 II 2 
 
CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 A RIDE ON A LION. 
 
 The next day glided away, pleasantly 
 enough, partly In settling myself In my new- 
 quarters, and partly In strolling round the 
 neighbourhood, under Arthur's guidance, and 
 trying to form a general Idea of Klveston and 
 its inhabitants. When five o'clock arrived, 
 
 Arthur proposed without any embarrassment 
 
 this time to take me with him up to 'the 
 
 Hall,' in order that I might make acquaintance 
 with the Earl of AInslie, who had taken it for 
 the season, and renew acquaintance with his 
 daughter Lady Muriel. 
 
VIII] A RIDE ON A LION. loi 
 
 My first impressions of the gentle, dignified, 
 and yet genial old man were entirely favour- 
 able : and the real satisfaction that showed 
 itself on his daughter's face, as she met me with 
 the words ** this is indeed an unlooked-for 
 pleasure ! ", was very soothing for whatever 
 remains of personal vanity the failures and 
 disappointments of many long years, and much 
 buffeting with a rough world, had left in me. 
 
 Yet I noted, and was glad to note, evidence 
 of a far deeper feeling than mere friendly 
 
 regard, in her meeting with Arthur though 
 
 this was, as I gathered, an almost daily occur- 
 rence and the conversation between them, in 
 
 which the Earl and I were only occasional 
 sharers, had an ease and a spontaneity rarely 
 met with except between very old friends : and, 
 as I knew that they had not known each other 
 for a longer period than the summer which 
 was now rounding into autumn, I felt certain 
 that * Love,' and Love alone, could explain the 
 phenomenon. 
 
 " How convenient it would be," Lady Muriel 
 laughingly remarked, d propos of my having in- 
 sisted on saving her the trouble of carrying a 
 
I02 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 cup of tea 'across the room to the Earl, "if 
 cups of tea had no weight at all ! Then per- 
 haps ladies would sometimes be permitted to 
 carry them for short distances ! " 
 
 " One can easily imagine a situation," said 
 Arthur, ''where things would necessarily have 
 no weight, relatively to each other, though each 
 would have its usual weight, looked at by 
 itself." 
 
 " Some desperate paradox ! " said the Earl. 
 "Tell us how it could be. We shall never 
 guess it." 
 
 '* Well, suppose this house, just as it is, 
 placed a few billion miles above a planet, and 
 with nothing else near enough to disturb it : of 
 course it falls to the planet ? " 
 
 The Earl nodded. *' Of course though it 
 
 might take some centuries to do it." 
 
 ''And is five-o'clock- tea to be going on all 
 the while ? " said Lady Muriel. 
 
 " That, and other things," said Arthur. " The 
 inhabitants would live their lives, grow up and 
 die, and still the house would be falling, falling, 
 falling ! But now as to the relative weight of 
 things. Nothing can be heavy, you know, 
 
VIII] A RIDE ON A LION. 103 
 
 except by trying to fall, and being prevented 
 from doing so. You all grant that } " 
 
 We all granted that. 
 
 " Well, now, if I take this book, and hold it 
 out at arm's length, of course I feel its weight. 
 It is trying to fall, and I prevent it. And, if I 
 let go, it falls to the floor. But, if we were all 
 falling together, it couldn't be trying to fall any 
 quicker, you know : for, if I let go, what more 
 could it do than fall ? And, as my hand would- 
 be falling too at the same rate it would 
 
 never leave it, for that would be to get ahead of 
 it in the race. And it could never overtake the 
 falling floor ! " 
 
 " I see it clearly," said Lady Muriel. '* But 
 it makes one dizzy to think of such things ! 
 How can you make us do it ? " 
 
 " There is a more curious idea yet,*' I ven- 
 tured to say. " Suppose a cord fastened to the 
 house, from below, and pulled down by some 
 one on the planet. Then of course the house 
 goes faster than its natural rate of falling : but 
 
 the furniture with our noble selves would 
 
 go on falling at their old pace, and would 
 therefore be left behind." 
 
I04 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 ** Practically, we should rise to the ceiling," 
 said the Earl. ** The inevitable result of which 
 would be concussion of brain." 
 
 " To avoid that," said Arthur, "let us have 
 the furniture fixed to the floor, and ourselves 
 tied down to the furniture. Then the five- 
 o'clock-tea could go on in peace." 
 
 " With one little drawback ! " Lady Muriel 
 gaily interrupted. '* We should take the cups 
 down with us : but what about the tea ? " 
 
 " I had forgotten the tea,'' Arthur confessed. 
 " That, no doubt, would rise to the ceiling — - 
 unless you chose to drink it on the way ! " 
 
 " Which, I think, is quite nonsense enough 
 for one while ! " said the Earl. '* What news 
 does this gentleman bring us from the great 
 world of London } " 
 
 This drew me into the conversation, which 
 now took a more conventional tone. After a 
 while, Arthur gave the signal for our depar- 
 ture, and in the cool of the evening we strolled 
 down to the beach, enjoying the silence, broken 
 only by the murmur of the sea and the far-away 
 music of some fishermen's song, almost as much 
 as our late pleasant talk. 
 
viii] A RIDE ON A LION. 105 
 
 We sat down among the rocks, by a little 
 pool, so rich in animal, vegetable, and zoophytic 
 
 or whatever is the right word life, that I 
 
 became entranced in the study of it, and, when 
 Arthur proposed returning to our lodgings, I 
 begged to be left there for a while, to watch and 
 muse alone. 
 
 The fishermen's song grew ever nearer and 
 clearer, as their boat stood in for the beach ; 
 and I would have gone down to see them land 
 their cargo of fish, had not the microcosm at 
 my feet stirred my curiosity yet more keenly. 
 
 One ancient crab, that was for ever shuffling 
 frantically from side to side of the pool, had 
 particularly fascinated me : there was a vacancy 
 in its stare, and an aimless violence in its 
 behaviour, that irresistibly recalled the Gar- 
 dener who had befriended Sylvie and Bruno : 
 and, as I gazed, I caught the concluding notes 
 of the tune of his crazy song. 
 
 The silence that followed was broken by the 
 sweet voice of Sylvie. *' Would you please let 
 us out into the road ? " 
 
 '* What ! After that old beggar again ? " the 
 Gardener yelled, and began singing : — 
 
io6. SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 " He thought he saw a Kangaroo 
 
 That worked a coffee-mill : 
 He looked again, and found it was 
 
 A Vegetable- Pill. 
 ' Were I to swallow this' he said, 
 
 * / should be very ill ! ' " 
 
 *' We don't want him to swallow anythi7tg'' 
 Sylvie explained. " He's not hungry. But we 
 want to see him. So will you please " 
 
 " Certainly ! " the Gardener promptly replied. 
 ** I always please. Never displeases nobody. 
 
VIII] A RIDE ON A LION. 107 
 
 There you are ! " And he flung the door open, 
 and let us out upon the dusty high-road. 
 
 We soon found our way to the bush, which 
 had so mysteriously sunk into the ground : and 
 here Sylvie drew the Magic Locket from its 
 hiding-place, turned it over with a thoughtful 
 air, and at last appealed to Bruno in a rather 
 helpless way. '' What was it we had to do with 
 it, Bruno ? It's all gone out of my head ! " 
 
 '* Kiss it ! " was Bruno's invariable recipe in 
 cases of doubt and difficulty. Sylvie kissed it, 
 but no result followed. 
 
 " Rub it the wrong way," was Bruno's next 
 suggestion. 
 
 " Which is the wrong way ? " Sylvie most 
 reasonably enquired. The obvious plan was to 
 try both ways. 
 
 Rubbing from left to right had no visible 
 effect whatever. 
 
 From right to left ** Oh, stop, Sylvie!" 
 
 Bruno cried in sudden alarm. ** Whatever is 
 going to happen ? " 
 
 For a number of trees, on the neighbouring 
 hillside, were moving slowly upwards, in solemn 
 procession : while a mild little brook, that had 
 
io8 
 
 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
VIII] A RIDE ON A LION. 109 
 
 been rippling at our feet a moment before, 
 began to swell, and foam, and hiss, and bubble, 
 in a truly alarming fashion. 
 
 ** Rub it some other way ! " cried Bruno. 
 ** Try up-and-down ! Quick ! " 
 
 It was a happy thought. Up-and-down did 
 it : and the landscape, which had been showing 
 signs of mental aberration in various directions, 
 
 returned to its normal condition of sobriety 
 
 with the exception of a small yellowish-brown 
 mouse, which continued to run wildly up and 
 down the road, lashing its tail like a little lion. 
 
 " Let's follow it," said Sylvie : and this also 
 turned out a happy thought. The mouse at 
 once settled down into a business-like jog-trot, 
 with which we could easily keep pace. The 
 only phenomenon, that gave me any uneasiness, 
 was the rapid increase in the size of the little 
 creature we were following, which became 
 every moment more and more like a real lion. 
 
 Soon the transformation was complete : and 
 a noble lion stood patiently waiting for us to 
 come up with it. No thought of fear seemed to 
 occur to the children, who patted and stroked 
 it as if it had been a Shetland-pony. 
 
no SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 " Help me up! " cried Bruno. And in another 
 moment Sylvie had lifted him upon the broad 
 back of the gentle beast, and seated herself 
 behind him, pillion-fashion. Bruno took a good 
 handful of mane in each hand, and made believe 
 to guide this new kind of steed. '' Gee-up ! " 
 seemed quite sufficient by way of verbal direc- 
 tion : the lion at once broke into an easy canter, 
 and we soon found ourselves in the depths 
 of the forest. I say ' we^ for I am certain 
 
 that / accompanied them though how I 
 
 managed to keep up with a cantering lion I am 
 wholly unable to explain. But I was certainly 
 one of the party when we came upon an old 
 beggar-man cutting sticks, at whose feet the 
 lion made a profound obeisance, Sylvie and 
 Bruno at the same moment dismounting, and 
 leaping into the arms of their father. 
 
 " From bad to worse ! " the old man said to 
 himself, dreamily, when the children had 
 finished their rather confused account of the 
 Ambassador's visit, gathered no doubt from 
 general report, as they had not seen him them- 
 selves. " From bad to worse ! That is their 
 destiny. I see it, but I cannot alter it. The 
 
VIII] A RIDE ON A LION. in 
 
 selfishness of a mean and crafty man the 
 
 selfishness of an ambitious and silly woman 
 
 the selfishness of a spiteful and loveless child 
 
 all tend one way, from bad to worse ! And 
 
 you, my darlings, must suffer it awhile, I fear. 
 Yet, when things are at their worst, you can 
 
 come to me. I can do but little as yet " 
 
 Gathering up a handful of dust and scattering 
 it in the air, he slowly and solemnly pronounced 
 some words that sounded like a charm, the 
 children looking on in awe-struck silence : 
 
 " Let crafty ambition^ spite^ 
 Be quenched in Reason's nighty 
 Till weakness turn to might, 
 Till what is dark be light. 
 Till what is wrong be right ! " 
 
 The cloud of dust spread itself out through 
 the air, as if it were alive, forming curious 
 shapes that were for ever changing into others. 
 
 "It makes letters! It makes words!" 
 Bruno whispered, as he clung, half-frightened, 
 to Sylvie. ** Only I can I make them out ! 
 Read them, Sylvie ! " 
 
112 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 " I'll try," Sylvie gravely replied. "Wait a 
 minute if only I could see that word " 
 
 *' I should be very ill ! " a discordant voice 
 yelled in our ears. 
 
 " * Were I to swallow this^ he said, 
 * / sho2ild be very ill / ' " 
 
CHAPTER IX. 
 
 A JESTER AND A BEAR. 
 
 Yes, we were in the garden once more : and, 
 to escape that horrid discordant voice, we 
 hurried indoors, and found ourselves in the 
 
 library Uggug blubbering, the Professor 
 
 standing by with a bewildered air, and my 
 Lady, with her arms clasped round her son's 
 neck, repeating, over and over again, " and did 
 they give him nasty lessons to learn .«* My 
 own pretty pet ! " 
 
 ** What's all this noise about ? " the Vice- 
 Warden angrily enquired, as he strode into the 
 room. " And who put the hat-stand here ? '* 
 
 I 
 
114 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 And he hun^ his hat up on Bruno, who was 
 standing in the middle of the room, too much 
 astonished by the sudden change of scene to 
 make any attempt at removing it, though it 
 came down to his shoulders, making him look 
 something like a small candle with a large 
 extinguisher over it. 
 
 The Professor mildly explained that His 
 Highness had been graciously pleased to say 
 he wouldn't do his lessons. 
 
 " Do your lessons this instant, you young 
 cub ! " thundered the Vice- Warden. '' And 
 take ^h's ! " and a resounding box on the ear 
 made the unfortunate Professor reel across 
 the room. 
 
 ** Save me ! " faltered the poor old man, as 
 he sank, half-fainting, at my Lady's feet. 
 
 " Shave you ? Of course I will ! " my Lady 
 replied, as she lifted him into a chair, and 
 pinned an anti-macassar round his neck. 
 *' Where's the razor ? " 
 
 The Vice-Warden meanwhile had got hold 
 of Uggug, and was belabouring him with his 
 umbrella. " Who left this loose nail in the 
 floor ? " he shouted. *' Hammer it in, I say ! 
 
IX] A JESTER AND A BEAR. 115 
 
 Hammer it in ! " Blow after blow fell on the 
 writhing Uggug, till he dropped howling to 
 the floor. 
 
 lO^ 
 
 Then his father turned to the ' shaving ' 
 scene which was being enacted, and roared 
 with laughter. '' Excuse me, dear, I ca'n't help 
 it!" he said as soon as he could speak. "You 
 are such an utter donkey ! Kiss me, Tabby ! " 
 
 I 2 
 
Ii6 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 And he flung his arms round the neck of the 
 terrified Professor, who raised a wild shriek, 
 but whether he received the threatened kiss or 
 not I was unable to see, as Bruno, who had by 
 this time released himself from his extinguisher, 
 rushed headlong out of the room, followed by 
 Sylvie ; and I was so fearful of being left alone 
 among all these crazy creatures that I hurried 
 after them. 
 
 '' We must go to Father ! " Sylvie panted, as 
 they ran down the garden. "I'm sure things 
 are at their worst ! I'll ask the Gardener to 
 let us out again." 
 
 "But we ca'n't walk all the way!" Bruno 
 whimpered. "How I wiss we had a coach- 
 and-four, like Uncle ! " 
 
 And, shrill and wild, rang through the air the 
 familiar voice : — 
 
 *' He thought he saw a Coach-mid- Four 
 
 That stood beside his bed : 
 He looked again^ and found it zvas 
 
 A Bear without a Head. 
 * Poor thingl he said, ^ poor silly thing ! 
 
 Ifs waiting to be fed / '" 
 
IX 1 
 
 A JESTER AND A BEAR. 
 
 "7 
 
 " No, I ca'n't let you out again ! " he said, 
 before the children could speak. " The Vice- 
 Warden gave it me, he did, for letting you 
 out last time ! So be off with you ! " And, 
 turning away from them, he began digging 
 frantically in the middle of a gravel-walk, 
 singing, over and over again, 
 
 " ' Poor thing,' he said, ' poor silly thing ! 
 It's waiting to be fed I 
 
 but in a more musical tone than the shrill 
 screech in which he had begun. 
 
Ii8 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 The music grew fuller and richer at every 
 moment : other manly voices joined in the 
 refrain : and soon I heard the heavy thud that 
 told me the boat had touched the beach, and 
 the harsh grating of the shingle as the men 
 dragged it up. I roused myself, and, after 
 lending them a hand in hauling up their boat, 
 I lingered yet awhile to watch them disembark 
 a goodly assortment of the hard-won * treasures 
 of the deep.' 
 
 When at last I reached our lodgings I was 
 tired and sleepy, and glad enough to settle 
 down again into the easy-chair, while Arthur 
 hospitably went to his cupboard, to get me 
 out some cake and wine, without which, he 
 declared, he could not, as a doctor, permit 
 my going to bed. 
 
 And how that cupboard-door did creskl It 
 surely could not be Arthur, who was opening 
 and shutting it so often, moving so restlessly 
 about, and muttering like the soliloquy of a 
 tragedy-queen ! 
 
 No, it was a female voice. Also the figure 
 
 half-hidden by the cupboard-door was a 
 
 female figure, massive, and in flowing robes. 
 
IX] A JESTER AND A BEAR. 119 
 
 Could It be the landlady ? The door opened, 
 and a strange man entered the room. 
 
 '* What is that donkey doing ? " he said to 
 himself, pausing, aghast, on the threshold. 
 
 The lady, thus rudely referred to, was his 
 wife. She had got one of the cupboards open, 
 and stood with her back to him, smoothing 
 down a sheet of brown paper on one of the 
 shelves, and whispering to herself *' So, so ! 
 Deftly done ! Craftily contrived ! " 
 
 Her loving husband stole behind her on tip- 
 toe, and tapped her on the head. " Boh!" he 
 playfully shouted at her ear. ** Never tell me 
 again I ca'n't say ' boh * to a goose ! " 
 
 My Lady wrung her hands. '' Discovered !'' 
 
 she groaned. ''Yet no he is one of us! 
 
 Reveal it not, oh Man ! Let it bide its time ! " 
 
 " Reveal what not ? " her husband testily 
 replied, dragging out the sheet of brown paper. 
 '' What are you hiding here, my Lady ? I 
 insist upon knowing ! " 
 
 My Lady cast down her eyes, and spoke in 
 the littlest of little voices. " Don't make fun of 
 
 it, Benjamin ! " she pleaded. " It's it's 
 
 don't you understand .-^ It's a dagger!" 
 
I20' SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 "And what's that for ? " sneered His Excel- 
 lency. " We've only got to make people think 
 he's dead ! We haven't got to kill him ! And 
 made of tin, too ! " he snarled, contemptuously 
 bending the blade round his thumb. Now, 
 Madam, you'll be good enough to explain. 
 First, what do you call me Benjamin for ? " 
 
 *' It's part of the Conspiracy, Love ! One 
 must have an alias, you know " 
 
 " Oh, an alias, is it ? Well ! And next, 
 what did you get this dagger for ? Come, no 
 evasions ! You ca'n't deceive me ! " 
 
 *' I got it for for for " the detected 
 
 Conspirator stammered, trying her best to put 
 on the assassin-expression that she had been 
 practising at the looking-glass. '' For " 
 
 " For what, Madam ! " 
 
 "Well, for eighteenpence, if you must know, 
 dearest ! That's what I got it for, on my " 
 
 " Now dofit say your Word and Honour ! " 
 groaned the other Conspirator. ** Why, they 
 aren't worth half the money, put together ! " 
 
 " On my birthday'' my Lady concluded in a 
 meek whisper. "One must have a dagger, you 
 know. It's part of the " 
 
IX] A JESTER AND A BEAR. 121 
 
 " Oh, don't talk of Conspiracies ! " her hus- 
 band savagely interrupted, as he tossed the 
 dagger into the cupboard. " You know about 
 as much how to manage a Conspiracy as if 
 you were a chicken. Why, the first thing is 
 to get a disguise. Now, just look at this ! " 
 
 And with pardonable pride he fitted on the 
 cap and bells, and the rest of the FooFs dress, 
 and winked at her, and put his tongue in his 
 cheek. ''Is that the sort of thing, now ? " he 
 demanded. 
 
 My Lady's eyes flashed with all a Conspi- 
 rator's enthusiasm. *' The very thing ! " she 
 exclaimed, clapping her hands. "You do look, 
 oh, such 2, perfect Fool ! " 
 
 The Fool smiled a doubtful smile. He was 
 not quite clear whether it was a compliment 
 or not, to express it so plainly. " You mean 
 a Jester ? Yes, that's what I intended. And 
 what do you think your disguise is to be ? " 
 And he proceeded to unfold the parcel, the 
 lady watching him in rapture. 
 
 " Oh, how lovely ! " she cried, when at last 
 the dress was unfolded. " What a splendid 
 disguise ! An Esquimaux peasant-woman ! " 
 
122 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 " An Esquimaux peasant, indeed ! " growled 
 the other. '' Here, put it on, and look at your- 
 self in the glass. Why, it's a Bear, ca'n't you 
 use your eyes ? " He checked himself suddenly, 
 as a harsh voice yelled through the room 
 
 " He looked again, andfoimd it ivas 
 A Bear without a Head I'* 
 
 But it was only the Gardener, singing under 
 the open window. The Vice-Warden stole on 
 tip-toe to the window, and closed it noiselessly, 
 before he ventured to go on. " Yes, Lovey, a 
 Bear: but not without a head, I hope! You're 
 the Bear, and me the Keeper. And if any one 
 knows us, they'll have sharp eyes, that's all ! " 
 
 *' I shall have to practise the steps a bit," my 
 Lady said, looking out through the Bear's 
 mouth : *' one ca'n't help being rather human 
 just at first, you know. And of course you'll 
 say * Come up. Bruin ! ', won't you ? " 
 
 '' Yes, of course," replied the Keeper, laying 
 hold of the chain, that hung from the Bear's 
 collar, with one hand, while with the other he 
 cracked a little whip. '' Now go round the 
 room -in a sort of a dancing attitude. Very 
 
IX] 
 
 A JESTER AND A BEAR. 
 
 123 
 
 good, my dear, very good. Come up, Bruin ! 
 Come up, I say ! " 
 
 He roared out the last words for the benefit 
 of Uggug, who had just come into the room, 
 and was now standing, with his hands spread 
 out, and eyes and mouth wide open, the very 
 picture of stupid amazement. " Oh, my ! " was 
 all he could gasp out. 
 
124 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 The Keeper pretended to be adjusting the 
 bear's collar, which gave him an opportunity of 
 whispering, unheard by Uggug, " my fault, I'm 
 afraid ! Quite forgot to fasten the door. Plot's 
 ruined if he finds it out ! Keep it up a minute 
 or two longer. Be savage ! " Then, while 
 seeming to pull it back with all his strength, he 
 let it advance upon the scared boy : my Lady, 
 with admirable presence of mind, kept up what 
 she no doubt intended for a savage growl, 
 though it was more like the purring of a cat : 
 and Uggug backed out of the room with such 
 haste that he tripped over the mat, and was 
 
 heard to fall heavily outside an accident 
 
 to which even his doting mother paid no heed, 
 in the excitement of. the moment. 
 
 The Vice- Warden shut and bolted the door. 
 '' Off with the disguises ! " he panted. " There's 
 not a moment to lose. He's sure to fetch the 
 Professor, and we couldn't take him in, you 
 know ! " And in another minute the disguises 
 were stowed away in the cupboard, the door 
 unbolted, and the two Conspirators seated 
 lovingly side-by-side on the sofa, earnestly 
 discussing a book the Vice- Warden had hastily 
 
IX] A JESTER AND A BEAR. 125 
 
 snatched off the table, which proved to be the 
 City-Directory of the capital of Outland. 
 
 The door opened, very slowly and cautiously, 
 and the Professor peeped in, Uggug's stupid 
 face being just visible behind him. 
 
 " It is a beautiful arrangement! " the Vice- 
 Warden was saying with enthusiasm. " You 
 see, my precious one, that there are fifteen 
 houses in Green Street, before you turn into 
 West Street." 
 
 ''Fifteen houses ! Is it possible .^" my Lady 
 replied. "I thought it was fourteen!" And, 
 so intent were they on this interesting question, 
 that neither of them even looked up till the 
 Professor, leading Uggug by the hand, stood 
 close before them. 
 
 My Lady was the first to notice their ap- 
 proach. " Why, here's the Professor ! " she 
 exclaimed in her blandest tones. " And my 
 precious child too ! Are lessons over .'* " 
 
 ** A strange thing has happened ! " the Pro- 
 fessor began in a trembling tone. "His Exalted 
 Fatness " (this was one of Uggug's many titles) 
 "tells me he has just seen, in this very room, 
 a Dancing- Bear and a Court- Jester ! " 
 
126 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 The Vice- Warden and his wife shook with 
 well-acted merriment. 
 
 " Not in ^Ais room, darling ! " said the fond 
 mother. " We've been sitting here this hour 
 
 or more, reading ," here she referred to 
 
 the book lying on her lap, *' reading the — ■— 
 
 the City- Directory." 
 
 '* Let me feel your pulse, my boy ! " said the 
 anxious father. '' Now put out your tongue. 
 Ah, I thought so ! He's a little feverish, Pro- 
 fessor, and has had a bad dream. Put him to 
 bed at once, and give him a cooling draught." 
 
 "I ain't been dreaming!" his Exalted Fatness 
 remonstrated, as the Professor led him away. 
 
 '* Bad grammar. Sir ! " his father remarked 
 with some sternness. " Kindly attend to />^^/ 
 little matter, Professor, as soon as you have 
 corrected the feverishness. And, by the way, 
 Professor ! " (The Professor left his distin- 
 guished pupil standing at the door, and meekly 
 returned.) ** There is a rumour afloat, that the 
 
 people wish to elect an in point of fact, an 
 
 you understand that I mean an " 
 
 " Not another Professor ! " the poor old man 
 exclaimed in horror. 
 
IX] A JESTER AND A BEAR. 127 
 
 •'No! Certainly not!" the Vice-Warden 
 eagerly explained. " Merely an Emperor, you 
 understand." 
 
 " An Emperor ! " cried the astonished Pro- 
 fessor, holding his head between his hands, as 
 if he expected it to come to pieces with the 
 shock. " What will the Warden " 
 
 " Why, the Warden will most likely be the 
 new Emperor ! " my Lady explained. " Where 
 
 could we find a better ? Unless, perhaps " 
 
 she glanced at her husband. 
 
 "Where indeed!" the Professor fervently 
 responded, quite failing to take the hint. 
 
 The Vice-Warden resumed the thread of his 
 discourse. " The reason I mentioned it, Pro- 
 fessor, was to ask you to be so kind as to 
 preside at the Election. You see it would 
 
 make the thing respectable no suspicion of 
 
 anything underhand " 
 
 " I fear I ca'n't, your Excellency!" the old 
 man faltered. *' What will the Warden " 
 
 " True, true ! " the Vice- Warden interrupted. 
 " Your position, as Court- Professor, makes it 
 awkward, I admit. Well, well ! Then the 
 Election shall be held without you." 
 
128 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 " Better so, than if it were held within me ! " 
 the Professor murmured with a bewildered air, 
 as if he hardly knew what he was saying. 
 " Bed, I think your Highness said, and a cool- 
 ing-draught ? " And he wandered dreamily 
 back to where Uggug sulkily awaited him. 
 
 I followed them out of the room, and down 
 the passage, the Professor murmuring to him- 
 self, all the time, as a kind of aid to his feeble 
 memory, '* C, C, C ; Couch, Cooling-Draught, 
 Correct-Grammar," till, in turning a corner, 
 he met Sylvie and Bruno, so suddenly that 
 the startled Professor let go of his fat pupil, 
 who instantly took to his heels. 
 
CHAPTER X. 
 
 THE OTHER PROFESSOR. 
 
 " We were looking for you ! " cried Sylvie, 
 in a tone of great relief. " We do want you 
 so much, you ca'n't think ! " 
 
 ''What is it, dear children ?" the Professor 
 asked, beaming on them with a very different 
 look from what Uggug ever got from him. 
 
 "We want you to speak to the Gardener for 
 us," Sylvie said, as she and Bruno took the old 
 man's hands and led him into the hall. 
 
 " He's ever so unkind ! " Bruno mournfully 
 added. '* They's all unkind to us, now that 
 Father's gone. The Lion were much nicer ! " 
 
 K 
 
I30 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 ** But you must explain to me, please," the 
 Professor said with an anxious look, " which 
 is the Lion, and which is the Gardener. It's 
 most important not to get two such animals 
 confused together. And one's very liable to 
 
 do it in their case both having mouths, 
 
 you know " 
 
 " Doos oo always confuses two animals to- 
 gether .'^ " Bruno asked. 
 
 '' Pretty often, I'm afraid," the Professor can- 
 didly confessed. " Now, for instance, there's 
 the rabbit-hutch and the hall-clock." The Pro- 
 fessor pointed them out. '' One gets a little 
 
 confused with them both having doors, you 
 
 know. Now, only yesterday would you be- 
 lieve it ? 1 put some lettuces into the clock, 
 
 and tried to wind up the rabbit ! " 
 
 " Did the rabbit go, after oo wounded it 
 up ? " said Bruno. 
 
 The Professor clasped his hands on the top 
 of his head, and groaned. " Go ? I should 
 think it did go \ Why, it's gone/ And where 
 
 ever it's gone to that's what I cant find out ! 
 
 I've done my best I've read all the article 
 
 * Rabbit ' in the great dictionary Come in ! " 
 
X] THE OTHER PROFESSOR. 131 
 
 ''Only the tailor, Sir, with your little bill," 
 said a meek voice outside the door. 
 
 " Ah, well, I can soon settle his business," 
 the Professor said to the children, "if you'll 
 just wait a minute. How much is it, this year, 
 my man ? " The tailor had come in while he 
 was speaking. 
 
 " Well, it's been a doubling so many years, 
 you see," the tailor replied, a little gruffly, ** and 
 I think I'd like the money now. It's two 
 thousand pound, it is ! " 
 
 " Oh, that's nothing ! " the Professor care- 
 lessly remarked, feeling in his pocket, as if he 
 always carried at least that amount about with 
 him. " But wouldn't you like to wait just 
 another year, and make it four thousand ? 
 Just think how rich you'd be! Why, you 
 might be a Kmg, if you liked ! " 
 
 "I don't know as I'd care about being a 
 King;' the man said thoughtfully. " But it 
 dew sound a powerful sight o' money ! Well, 
 I think I'll wait " 
 
 " Of course you will ! " said the Professor. 
 " There's good sense in you, I see. Good-day 
 to you, my man ! " 
 
 K 2 
 
132 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 "Will you ever have to pay him that four 
 thousand pounds ? " Sylvie asked as the door 
 closed on the departing creditor. 
 
 ''Never, my child!" the Professor replied 
 emphatically. '' He'll go on doubling it, till 
 he dies. You see it's always worth while 
 waiting another year, to get twice as much 
 money ! And now what would you like to 
 do, my little friends } Shall I take you to see 
 the Other Professor ? This would be an ex- 
 cellent opportunity for a visit, he said to him- 
 self, glancing at his watch : " he generally takes 
 
 a short rest of fourteen minutes and a half 
 
 about this time." 
 
 Bruno hastily went round to Sylvie, who 
 was standing at the other side of the Professor, 
 and put his hand into hers. '' I thinks we'd 
 like to go," he said doubtfully : " only please 
 let's go all together. It's best to be on the 
 safe side, oo know ! " 
 
 '* Why, you talk as if you were Sylvie I " 
 exclaimed the Professor. 
 
 " I know I did," Bruno replied very humbly. 
 " I quite forgotted I wasn't Sylvie. Only I 
 fought he might be rarver fierce ! " 
 
X] THE OTHER PROFESSOR. 133 
 
 The Professor laughed a jolly laugh. " Oh, 
 he's quite tame ! " he said. " He never bites. 
 
 He's only a little a little dreamy, you know." 
 
 He took hold of Bruno's other hand, and led 
 the children down a long passage I had never 
 
 noticed before not that there was anything 
 
 remarkable in that : I was constantly coming 
 on new rooms and passages in that mysterious 
 Palace, and very seldom succeeded in finding 
 the old ones again. 
 
 Near the end of the passage the Professor 
 stopped. *' This is his room," he said, pointing 
 to the solid wall. 
 
 "We ca'n't get in through there/" Bruno 
 exclaimed. 
 
 Sylvie said nothing, till she had carefully 
 examined whether the wall opened anywhere. 
 Then she laughed merrily*. "You're playing 
 us a trick, you dear old thing ! " she said. 
 " There's no door here ! " 
 
 "There isn't any door to the room," said 
 the Professor. "We shall have to climb in at 
 the window." 
 
 So we went into the garden, and soon 
 found the window of the Other Professor*! 
 
134 
 
 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
x] THE OTHER PROFESSOR. 135 
 
 room. It was a ground-floor window, and 
 stood invitingly open : the Professor first 
 lifted the two children in, and then he and I 
 climbed in after them. 
 
 The Other Professor was seated at a table, 
 with a large book open before him, on which 
 his forehead was resting : he had clasped his 
 arms round the book, and was snoring heavily. 
 " He usually reads like that," the Professor 
 remarked, ''when the book's very interesting: 
 and then sometimes it's very difficult to get 
 him to attend!" 
 
 This seemed to be one of the difficult times : 
 the Professor lifted him up, once or twice, and 
 shook him violently : but he always returned 
 to his book the moment he was let go of, and 
 showed by his heavy breathing that the book 
 was as interesting as ever. 
 
 "How dreamy he is!" the Professor ex- 
 claimed. "He must have got to a very 
 interesting part of the book ! " And he rained 
 quite a shower of thumps on the Other Pro- 
 fessor's back, shouting "Hoy! Hoy!" all the 
 time. " Isn't it wonderful that he should be 
 so dreamy ? " he said to Bruno. 
 
136 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 ''If he's always as sleepy as that," Bruno 
 remarked, ''a course he's dreamy!" 
 
 "But what are we to do?'' said the Pro- 
 fessor. ''You see he's quite wrapped up in 
 the book!" 
 
 " Suppose oo shuts the book ? " Bruno sug- 
 gested. 
 
 " That's it ! " cried the deHghted Professor. 
 " Of course that'll do it ! " And he shut up the 
 book so quickly that he caught the Other Pro- 
 fessor's nose between the leaves, and gave it a 
 severe pinch. 
 
 The Other Professor instantly rose to his 
 feet, and carried the book away to the end of 
 the room, where he put it back in its place in 
 the book-case. " I've been reading for eighteen 
 hours and three-quarters," he said, " and now 
 I shall rest for fourteen minutes and a half. 
 Is the Lecture all ready?" 
 
 " Very nearly," the Professor humbly replied. 
 
 " I shall ask you to give me a hint or two 
 
 there will be a few little difficulties " 
 
 " And a Banquet, I think you said '^, " 
 
 " Oh, yes ! The Banquet comes firsty of 
 course. People never enjoy Abstract Science, 
 
X] THE OTHER PROFESSOR. 137 
 
 you know, when they're ravenous with hunger. 
 And then there's the Fancy-Dress-Ball. Oh, 
 there'll be lots of entertainment ! " 
 
 *' Where will the Ball come in ? " said the 
 Other Professor. 
 
 *' I think it had better come at the beginning 
 of the Banquet — it brings people together so 
 nicely, you know." 
 
 '' Yes, that's the right order. First the Meet- 
 ing : then the Eating : then the Treating for 
 
 I'm sure any Lecture you give us will be a 
 treat ! " said the Other Professor, who had 
 been standing with his back to us all this time, 
 occupying himself in taking the books out, one 
 by one, and turning them upside-down. An 
 easel, with a black board on it, stood near 
 him : and, every time that he turned a book 
 upside-down, he made a mark on the board 
 with a piece of chalk. 
 
 "And as to the 'Pig-Tale' which you 
 
 have so kindly promised to give us " the 
 
 Professor went on, thoughtfully rubbing his 
 chin. '' I think that had better come at the 
 end of the Banquet : then people can listen to 
 it quietly." 
 
138 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 *' Shall I szn£- it? " the Other Professor asked, 
 with a smile of delight. 
 
 '* If you can,'' the Professor replied, cautiously. 
 
 " Let me try," said the Other Professor, 
 seating himself at the pianoforte. " For the 
 sake of argument, let us assume that it begins 
 on A flat." And he struck the note in question. 
 " La, la, la ! I think that's within an octave of 
 it." He struck the note again, and appealed to 
 Bruno, who was standing at his side. *' Did I 
 sing it like ^/la^, my child ? " 
 
 ** No, oo didn't," Bruno replied with great 
 decision. " It were more like a duck." 
 
 '' Single notes are apt to have that effect," 
 the Other Professor said with a sl^h. " Let 
 me try a whole verse. 
 
 T/iere was a Pig, that sat alone, 
 
 Beside a ruined Ptimp. 
 By day and night he made his moan : 
 It zuoiild have stirred a heart of stone 
 To see him wring his hoofs and groan, 
 
 Because he could not jump. 
 
 Would you call that a tune, Professor ? " he 
 asked, when he had finished. 
 
X] THE OTHER PROFESSOR. 139 
 
 The Professor considered a little. '* Well," 
 he said at last, ''some of the notes are the 
 
 same as others and some are different 
 
 but I should hardly call it a tune.'' 
 
 " Let me try it a bit by myself," said the 
 Other Professor. And. he began touching the 
 notes here and there, and humming to himself 
 like an angry bluebottle. 
 
 "How do you like his singing?" the Pro- 
 fessor asked the children in a low voice. 
 
 " It isn't very beautiful^' S\lvie said, 
 hesitatingly. 
 
 " It's very extremely ugly !'' Bruno said, 
 without any hesitation at all. 
 
 ** All extremes are bad," the Professor said, 
 very gravely. "For instance. Sobriety is a 
 very good thing, when practised in moderation : 
 but even Sobriety, when carried to an extremey 
 has its disadvantages." 
 
 " What are its disadvantages ^. " was the 
 
 question that rose in my mind and, as usual, 
 
 Bruno asked it for me. "What are its lizard 
 bandages ? * 
 
 " Well, this is one of them," said the Pro- 
 fessor. "When a man's tipsy (that's one ex- 
 
I40 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 treme, you know), he sees one thing as two. 
 But, when he's extremely sober (that's the other 
 extreme), he sees two things as one. It's 
 equally inconvenient, whichever happens.'' 
 
 ''What does ' illconvenient ' mean?" Bruno 
 whispered to Sylvie. 
 
 " The difference between ' convenient ' and 
 ' inconvenient ' is best explained by an ex- 
 ample," said the Other Professor, who had 
 overheard the question. ''If you'll just think 
 
 over any Poem that contains the two words 
 
 such as " 
 
 The Professor put his hands over his ears, 
 with a look of dismay. ''If you once let him 
 begin a Poem'' he said to Sylvie, " he'll never 
 leave off again ! He never does ! " 
 
 " Did he ever begin a Poem and not leave 
 off again ? " Sylvie enquired. 
 
 " Three times," said the Professor. 
 
 Bruno raised himself on tiptoe, till his lips 
 were on a level with Sylvie's ear. " What 
 became of them three Poems ? " he whispered. 
 " Is he saying them all, now ?" 
 
 " Hush ! " said Sylvie. " The Other Professor 
 is speaking ! " 
 
x] THE OTHER PROFESSOR. 141 
 
 *' I'll say it very quick," murmured the Other 
 Professor, with downcast eyes, and melancholy 
 voice, which contrasted oddly with his face, 
 as he had forgotten to leave off smiling. ('* At 
 least it wasn't exactly a smile!' as Sylvie said 
 afterwards : "it looked as if his mouth was 
 made that shape.") 
 
 " Go on then," said the Professor. " What 
 must be must be'' 
 
 "■ Remember that ! " Sylvie whispered to 
 Bruno, ''It's a very good rule for whenever 
 you hurt yourself." 
 
 " And it's a very good rule for whenever I 
 make a noise," said the saucy little fellow. 
 *' So you remember it too, Miss ! " 
 
 '' Whatever do you mean } " said Sylvie, 
 trying to frown, a thing she never managed 
 particularly well. 
 
 '* Oftens and oftens," said Bruno, ** haven't 
 00 told me * There mustn't be so much noise, 
 Bruno!' when I've tolded 00 'There must!' 
 Why, there isn't no rules at all about ' There 
 mustn't ' ! But 00 never believes me ! " 
 
 " As if any one could believe you, you wicked 
 wicked boy ! " said Sylvie. The words were 
 
142 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 severe enough, but I am of opinion that, when 
 you are really anxious to impress a criminal 
 with a sense of his guilt, you ought not to pro- 
 nounce the sentence with your lips quite close 
 to his cheek — since a kiss at the end of it, how- 
 ever accidental, weakens the effect terribly. 
 
CHAPTER XL 
 
 PETER AND PAUL. 
 
 ** As I was saying," the Other Professor re- 
 sumed, "if you'll just think over any Poem, 
 that contains the words such as 
 
 * Peter is poorl said noble Paul, 
 
 ' And I have always bee7i his friend : 
 
 Afidy though my means to give are small, 
 At least I can afford to lend. 
 
 Hoivfew, in this cold age of greed. 
 Do good, except on selfish grounds / 
 
 But I can feel for Peter's need, 
 
 And I WILL LEND HIM FIFTY POUNDS!* 
 
 How great was Peter* s Joy to find 
 His friend in such a genial vein ! 
 
144 
 
 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 How cheerfully the bond he signed^ 
 
 To pay the money back again I 
 * We can't' said Paul^ * be too precise : 
 
 'lis best to fix the very day : 
 So, by a learned friend' s advice, 
 
 I've made it Noon, the Fourth of May! 
 
Xi] PETER AND PAUL. 145 
 
 * But this is April ! ' Peter said. 
 
 * The First of Aprils as I think. 
 Five little weeks will soon be fled: 
 
 One scarcely will have tifue to wink ! 
 Give me a year to speculate — 
 
 To buy and sell — to drive a trade — ' 
 Said Paul * / cannot change the date. 
 
 On May the Fourth it must be paid' 
 
 * Welly well I "^^said Peter ^ with a sigh. 
 
 ' Hand me the cash, and I will go. 
 r II form a Joint- Stock Company, 
 
 And turn an hottest pound or so.' 
 ' Pm grieved! ^^^^ Paul, ' to seem unkind. 
 
 The money shall of course be lent : 
 Buty for a week or two, I fiyid 
 
 It will not be convenient! 
 
 So, iveek by week, poor Peter came 
 
 And turned in heaviness away ; 
 
 For still the answer was the same^ 
 
 * I cannot manage it to-day! 
 
 And 710W the April showers were dry — 
 
 Tlte five short weeks were nearly spent — 
 Yet still he got the old reply, 
 
 * // is not quite convenient! * 
 
 L 
 
[46 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 The Fourth arrived^ and punctual Paul 
 
 Came^ with his legal friend ^ at noon. 
 ' I thought it best,' said he, * to call : 
 
 One cannot settle things too soon' 
 Poor Peter shuddered in despair : 
 
 His flowing locks he wildly tore : 
 A nd very soon his yellow hair 
 
 Was lying all about the floor. 
 
 The legal friend was standing by, 
 
 With sudden pity half unmanned : 
 The tear-drop trembled in his eye^ 
 
 The signed agreement in his hand : 
 But when at length the legal soul 
 
 Resumed its customary force, 
 * The Laiv^ he said, ' we cant control : 
 
 Pay, or the Laiv must take its course ! ' 
 
 Said Paid ' How bitterly I rue 
 
 That fatal morning when I called ! 
 Consider, Peter, what you do ! 
 
 You wont be richer when you're bald I 
 Think you, by rending curls away. 
 
 To make your difliculties less ? 
 Forbear this violence, I pray : 
 
 You do but add to my distress ! ' 
 
XI] 
 
 PETER AND PAUL 
 
 147 
 
 * Not willingly tvould I inflict' 
 Said Peter, ' on that noble heart 
 ne fteedless pang. Yet why so strict ? 
 Is this to act a friendly part ? 
 Hoivever legal it may be 
 
 To pay what never has been tent^ 
 
 L 2 
 
148 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 This style of business seems to me 
 Extremely inconvenient ! 
 
 * No Nobleness of soul have 7, 
 
 Like some that in this Age are found ! 
 [Paul blushed in sheer humility, 
 
 And cast his eyes upon the ground^ 
 ' This debt will simply swallow all, 
 
 And make my life a life of woe ! ' 
 ' Nay, nay, my Peter I ' answered Paul. 
 
 ' Yoti must not rail on Fortune so I 
 
 ' You have enough to eat and drink : 
 
 You are respected in the world : 
 And at the barber's, as I thinky 
 
 You often get your whiskers curled. 
 Though Nobleness you cant attain — 
 
 To any very great extent — 
 The path of Honesty is plain. 
 
 However inconvenient / ' 
 
 * ' Tis true! said Peter, * Pm alive : 
 I keep my station in the world : 
 
 Once in the week I just contrive 
 
 To get my whiskers oiled and curled. 
 
XI] PETER AND PAUL. 149 
 
 But my assets are very low : 
 
 My little incomes overspent : 
 To trench on capital, yon knou\ 
 
 Is always inconvenient ! ' 
 
 * But pay your debts ! ' cried honest Paul. 
 
 ' My gentle Peter y pay your debts ! 
 What matter if it swallows all 
 
 That you describe as your " assets " ? 
 Already you're an hour behind : 
 
 Yet Generosity is best. 
 It pinches me — but nevermind! 
 
 I WILL NOT CHARGE YOU INTEREST! 
 
 * How good ! How great ! ' poor Peter cried. 
 
 * Yet I must sell my Sunday tvig — 
 The scarf-pin that has been my pride — 
 
 My grattd piano — and my pig ! ' 
 Pull soon his property took wiiigs : 
 
 And daily y as each treasure wenty 
 He sighed to find the state of things 
 
 Grow less and less convenient. 
 
 Weeks grew to montliSy and mon tits to years , 
 Peter was worn to skin and bone : 
 
ISO 
 
 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 A nd once he eve7i said, with tears ^ 
 
 ' Remember, Paul, that promised Loan ! 
 
 Said Paul ' Pll lend you, when I can, 
 All the spare money I have got — 
 
 Ah, Peter, you're a happy man ! 
 Yours is an enviable lot ! 
 
XI] PETER AND PAUL. 151 
 
 * /*;;/ getting stout, as you may see : 
 
 It is but seldoni I am well : 
 I cannot feel my ancient glee 
 
 In listening to the dinner-bell : 
 But you, you gambol like a boy, 
 
 Your figure is so spare and light : 
 T/ie dinner-bell's a note of joy 
 
 To such a healthy appetite ! ' 
 
 Said Peter ' I am well aware 
 
 Mine is a state of happiness : 
 And yet lioiv gladly could I spare 
 
 Some of the comforts I possess ! 
 What you call healthy appetite 
 
 I feel as Hu7iger's savage tooth : 
 And, when no dinner is in sight, 
 
 T/ie dinner-belfs a sound of ruth ! 
 
 ' No scare-crow ivotild accept this coat : 
 
 Such boots as these you seldom see. 
 Ah, Paul, a single five-pound-note 
 
 Would make another man of me ! ' 
 Said Paul * It fills me with surprise 
 
 To hear you talk in such a tone : 
 I fear you scarcely realise 
 
 The blessifigs that are all your own ! 
 
152 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 * You re safe from being overfed : 
 
 You're siveetly picturesque in rags : 
 You never know the aching head 
 
 That comes along zuith money-bags : 
 And you have time to cultivate 
 
 That best of qualities, Content — 
 For which you'll find your present state 
 
 Remarkably convenient ! ' 
 
 Said Peter ' Though I cannot sound 
 
 The depths of such a man as you, 
 Yet in your character Fve found 
 
 An inconsistency or tivo. 
 You seem to have long years to spare 
 
 WJien there s a promise to fulfil: 
 And yet how punctual you were 
 
 In calling with that little bill ! ' 
 
 * One cant be too deliberate I 
 
 Said Paul, * in parting with ones pelf. 
 With bills, as you correctly state, 
 
 V m punctuality itself. 
 A fnan may surely claim his dues : 
 
 But, when there s money to be lent, 
 A man inust be allowed to choose 
 
 Such times as are convenient / ' 
 
XI] PETER AND PAUL. 153 
 
 It chanced one day, as Peter sat 
 
 Gnawing a crust — his usual meal — 
 Patil bustled in to have a chat, 
 
 And grasped his hand with friendly zeal. 
 ' I knew I said he, ' your frugal ways : 
 
 So, that I might not ivoiuid your pride 
 By bringing strangers in to gaze, 
 
 I've left my legal friend outside ! 
 
 ' You well remember, I am sure. 
 
 When first your wealth began to go. 
 And people sneered at one so poor, 
 
 I 7iever used my Peter so ! 
 And when you'd lost your little all, 
 
 A nd found yourself a thing despised, 
 I need not ask you to recall 
 
 How tenderly I sympathised ! 
 
 ' Then the advice Fve poured on you. 
 
 So full of zvisdom and of luit : 
 All given gratis, though 'tis true 
 
 I might have fairly charged for it ! 
 But I refrain from mentioning 
 
 Full many a deed I might relate — 
 For boasting is a kind of thing 
 
 That I particulaily hate. 
 
154 
 
 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 ' Hoiv vast the total sum appears 
 Of all the kindnesses I've done, 
 
 From Childhood' s half-forgotten years 
 Down to that Loan of April One ! 
 
 That Fifty Pounds ! Yon little guessed 
 How deep it drained my slender store : 
 
XI] PETER AND PAUL. 155 
 
 BtU there s a heart within this breast, 
 
 And I WILL LEND YOU FIFTY MOKE r 
 
 ' Not so' was Peter^s mild reply, 
 
 His cheeks all wet with grateful tears : 
 ' No man recalls, so well as /, 
 
 Your services in bygone years : 
 And this neiv offer, I admit. 
 
 Is very very kindly meant — 
 Still, to avail myself of it 
 
 Would not be quite convenient / ' 
 
 You'll see in a moment what the difference 
 is between ' convenient ' and ' inconvenient.' 
 You quite understand it now, don't you ? " he 
 added, looking kindly at Bruno, who was sit- 
 ting, at Sylvie's side, on the floor. 
 
 '* Yes," said Bruno, very quietly. Such a 
 short speech was very unusual, for him : but 
 just then he seemed, I fancied, a litde ex- 
 hausted. In fact, he climbed up into Sylvie's 
 lap as he spoke, and rested his head against 
 her shoulder. ** What a many verses it was !" 
 he whispered. 
 
CHAPTER XII. 
 
 A MUSICAL GARDENER. 
 
 The Other Professor regarded him with some 
 anxiety. ''The smaller animal ought to go to 
 bed at once,'' he said with an air of authority. 
 
 *' Why at once ? " said the Professor. 
 
 " Because he can't go at twice," said the 
 Other Professor. 
 
 The Professor gently clapped his hands. 
 ''Isn't he wonderful!'' he said to Sylvie. 
 " Nobody else could have thought of the 
 reason, so quick. Why, of course he ca'n't 
 go at twice ! It would hurt him to be 
 divided." 
 
XII] A MUSICAL GARDENER. 157 
 
 This remark woke up Bruno, suddenly and 
 completely. ** I don't want to be divided^' he 
 said decisively. 
 
 ''It does very well on a diagram^ said the 
 Other Professor. " I could show it you in a 
 minute, only the chalk's a little blunt." 
 
 "Take care!" Sylvie anxiously exclaimed, 
 as he began, rather clumsily, to point it. 
 " You'll cut your finger off, if you hold the 
 knife so ! " 
 
 "If 00 cuts it off, will 00 give it to mCy 
 please ? " Bruno thoughtfully added. 
 
 ** It's like this," said the Other Professor, 
 hastily drawing a long line upon the black 
 board, and marking the letters ' A' ' B' at 
 the two ends, and *C in the middle: "let 
 me explain it to you. If AB were to be 
 divided into two parts at C " 
 
 " It would be drownded," Bruno pronounced 
 confidently. 
 
 The Other Professor gasped. " Whal would 
 be drownded ? " 
 
 " Why the bumble-bee, of course ! " said 
 Bruno. " And the two bits would sink down 
 in the sea ! " 
 
ISS SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 Here the Professor interfered, as the Other 
 Professor was evidently too much puzzled to 
 go on with his diagram. 
 
 ''When I said it would hiirt\{\vci, I was merely 
 referring to the action of the nerves " 
 
 The Other Professor brightened up in a 
 moment. " The action of the nerves," he 
 began eagerly, " is curiously slow in some 
 people. I had a friend, once, that, if you 
 burnt him with a red-hot poker, it would take 
 years and years before he felt it ! " 
 
 '' And if you only pinched him 1 " queried 
 Sylvie. 
 
 " Then it would take ever so much longer, 
 of course. In fact, I doubt if the man himself 
 would ever feel it, at all. His grandchildren 
 might." 
 
 " 1 wouldn't like to be the grandchild of a 
 pinched grandfather, would yoti, Mister Sir ? " 
 Bruno whispered. " It might come just when 
 you wanted to be happy ! " 
 
 That would be awkward, I admitted, taking 
 it quite as a matter of course that he had so 
 suddenly caught sight of me. " But don't you 
 always want to be happy, Bruno .'^ " 
 
Xll] A MUSICAL GARDENER. 159 
 
 " Not always',' Bruno said thoughtfully. 
 ** Sometimes, when I's too happy, I wants to 
 be a little miserable. Then I just tell Sylvie 
 about it, 00 know, and Sylvie sets me some 
 lessons. Then it's all right." 
 
 *' I'm sorry you don't like lessons," I said. 
 " You should copy Sylvie. She s always as 
 busy as the day is long ! " 
 
 "Well, so am //" said Bruno. 
 
 "No, no!" Sylvie corrected him. ''You re 
 as busy as the day is short ! " 
 
 *'Well, what's the difference ?" Bruno asked. 
 " Mister Sir, isn't the day as short as it's 
 long? I mean, isn't it the same length?" 
 
 Never having considered the question in this 
 light, I suggested that they had better ask the 
 Professor ; and they ran off in a moment to 
 appeal to their old friend. The Professor left 
 off polishing his spectacles to consider. ** My 
 dears," he said after a minute, " the day is 
 the same length as anything that is the same 
 length as //." And he resumed his never- 
 ending task of polishing. 
 
 The children returned, slowly and thought- 
 fully, to report his answer. ** Isn't he wise ? " 
 
l6o SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 Sylvie asked in an awestruck whisper. ** If / 
 was as wise as that, I should have a head-ache 
 all day long. I know I should ! " 
 
 " You appear to be talking to somebody 
 
 that isn't here," the Professor said, turning 
 round to the children. " Who is it ? " 
 
 Bruno looked puzzled. " I never talks to 
 nobody when he isn't here ! " he replied. '' It 
 isn't good manners. Oo should always wait 
 till he comes, before oo talks to him ! " 
 
 The Professor looked anxiously in my direc- 
 tion, and seemed to look through and through 
 me without seeing me. " Then who are you 
 talking to?" he said. "There isn't anybody 
 here, you know, except the Other Professor 
 
 and he isn^t here ! " he added wildly, 
 
 turning round and round like a teetotum. 
 '' Children ! Help to look for him ! Quick ! 
 He's got lost again !" 
 
 The children were on their feet in a moment. 
 
 '' Where shall we look ? " said Sylvie. 
 
 " Anywhere ! " shouted the excited Professor. 
 " Only be quick about it 1 " And he began 
 trotting round and round the room, lifting up 
 the chairs, and shaking them. 
 
Xll] A MUSICAL GARDENER. i6l 
 
 Bruno took a very small book out of the 
 bookcase, opened it, and shook it in imitation 
 of the Professor. '' He isn't Aere/' he said. 
 
 "He can^ be there, Bruno ! " Sylvie said 
 indignantly. 
 
 " Course he ca'n't ! " said Bruno. " I should 
 have shooked him out, if he'd been in there ! *' 
 
 "Has he ever been lost before.'*" Sylvie 
 enquired, turning up a corner of the hearth-rug, 
 and peeping under it. 
 
 " Once before," said the Professor : " he once 
 lost himself in a wood " 
 
 " And couldn't he find his-self again ? " said 
 Bruno. " Why didn't he shout ? He'd be 
 sure to hear his-self, 'cause he couldn't be far 
 off, oo know." 
 
 " Let's try shouting," said the Professor. 
 
 ** What shall we shout ? " said Sylvie. 
 
 '• On second thoughts, don^ shout," the 
 Professor replied. " The Vice- Warden might 
 hear you. He's getting awfully strict ! " 
 
 This reminded the poor children of all the 
 troubles, about which they had come to their 
 old friend. . Bruno sat down on the floor 
 and began cryinjr. "He zs so cruel ! " he 
 
 M 
 
i62 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 sobbed. "And he lets Uggug take away all 
 my toys ! And such horrid meals ! " 
 
 " What did you have for dinner to-day ? " said 
 the Professor. 
 
 '' A little piece of a dead crow/' was Bruno's 
 mournful reply. 
 
 "• He means rook-pie," Sylvie explained. 
 
 '' It were a dead crow," Bruno persisted. 
 *'And there were a apple-pudding and Ug- 
 gug ate it all and I got nuffin but a crust ! 
 
 And I asked for a orange and didn't 
 
 get it!" And the poor little fellow buried his 
 face in Sylvie's lap, who kept gently stroking 
 his hair, as she went on. '' It's all true, 
 Professor dear ! They do treat my darling 
 Bruno very badly ! And they're not kind to 
 me either," she added in a lower tone, as if 
 that were a thing of much less importance. 
 
 The Professor got out a large red silk hand- 
 kerchief, and wiped his eyes. '' I wish I could 
 help you, dear children ! " he said. " But what 
 can I do ^ " 
 
 **We know the way to Fairyland where 
 
 Father's gone quite well," said, Sylvie : ''if 
 
 only the Gardener would let us out." 
 
Xii] A MUSICAL GARDENER. 163 
 
 *' Won't he open the door for you ? " said 
 the Professor. 
 
 " Not for us'' said Sylvie : *' but Tm sure he 
 would for you. Do come and ask him, Pro- 
 fessor dear ! " 
 
 ''I'll come this minute ! " said the Professor. 
 
 Bruno sat up and dried his eyes. '^ Isfit 
 he kind, Mister Sir?" 
 
 "He is indeed,'' said I. But the Professor 
 took no notice of my remark. He had put on 
 a beautiful cap with a long tassel, and was 
 selecting one of the Other Professor's walking- 
 sticks, from a stand in the corner of the room. 
 *' A thick stick in one's hand makes people re- 
 spectful," he was saying to himself. " Come 
 along, dear children ! " And we all went out 
 into the garden together. 
 
 *' I shall address him, first of all," the 
 Professor explained as we went along, " with a 
 few playful remarks on the weather. I shall 
 then question him about the Other Professor. 
 This will have a double advantage. First, it 
 will open the conversation (you can't even 
 drink a bottle of wine without opening it first) : 
 and secondly, if he's seen the Other Professor, 
 
 M 2 
 
i64 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 we shall find him that way ; and, if he hasn't, 
 we sha'n't." 
 
 On our way, we passed the target, at which 
 Uggug had been made to shoot during the 
 Ambassador's visit. 
 
 " See ! " said the Professor, pointing out a 
 hole in the middle of the bull's-eye. " His 
 Imperial Fatness had only one shot at it ; and 
 he went in just here ! " 
 
 Bruno carefully examined the hole. *' Couldn't 
 go in there!^ he whispered to me. ''He are 
 too fat ! " 
 
 We had no sort of difficulty in finding the 
 Gardener. Though he was hidden from us by 
 some trees, that harsh voice of his served to 
 direct us ; and, as we drew nearer, the words 
 of his song became more and more plainly 
 audible : 
 
 " He thought he saw an Albatross 
 That fluttered round the lamp : 
 
 He looked again, and found it was 
 A Penny-Postage-Stamp. 
 
 * Youd best be getting home,' he said : 
 ' The nights are very damp I ' " 
 
XII] A MUSICAL GARDENER. 165 
 
 " Would it be afraid of catching cold ? " said 
 Bruno. 
 
 ''If it got very damp/' Sylvie suggested, ** it 
 might stick to something, you know." 
 
 ''And that somefin would have to go by 
 the post, whatever it was !" Bruno eagerly ex- 
 claimed. " Suppose it was a cow ! Wouldn't 
 it be dreadful for the other things ! " 
 
 "And all these things happened to hint',' 
 said the Professor. " That's what makes the 
 song so interesting." 
 
 "He must have had a very curious life," 
 said Sylvie. 
 
 " You may say that 1 " the Professor heartily 
 rejoined. 
 
i66 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 ** Of course she may ! " cried Bruno. 
 
 By this time we had come up to the 
 Gardener, who was standing on one leg, as 
 usual, and busily employed in watering a bed 
 of flowers with an empty watering-can. 
 
 "It hasn't got no water in it ! " Bruno 
 explained to him, pulling his sleeve to attract 
 his attention. 
 
 " It's lighter to hold," said the Gardener. ''A 
 lot of water in it makes one's arms ache." 
 And he went on with his work, singing softly 
 to himself 
 
 *' The nights are very damp ! " 
 ''In digging things out of the ground 
 
 which you probably do now and then," the 
 Professor began in a loud voice ; '* in making 
 
 things into heaps which no doubt you often 
 
 do ; and in kicking things about with one 
 
 heel which you seem never to leave off doing; 
 
 have you ever happened to notice another Pro- 
 fessor, something like me, but different ? " 
 
 '' Never ! " shouted the Gardener, so loudly 
 and violently that we all drew back in alarm. 
 " There ain't such a thing ! " 
 
XII] A MUSICAL GARDENER. 167 
 
 "We will try a less exciting topic," the 
 Professor mildly remarked to the children. 
 '' You were asking " 
 
 "We asked him to let us through the gar- 
 den-door," said Sylvie : ** but he wouldn't : but 
 perhaps he would for jv^^ •^" 
 
 The Professor put the request, very humbly 
 and courteously. 
 
 ** I wouldn't mind letting you out," said the 
 Gardener. ** But I mustn't open the door for 
 children. D'you think I'd disobey the T?/^/*?^ .^ 
 Not for one-and-sixpence ! " 
 
 The Professor cautiously produced a couple 
 of shillings. 
 
 ** That'll do it ! " the Gardener shouted, as 
 he hurled the watering-can across the flower- 
 bed, and produced a handful of keys one 
 
 large one, and a number of small ones. 
 
 " But look here, Professor dear ! " whispered 
 Sylvie. *' He needn't open the door for us, 
 at all. We can go out with you!' 
 
 " True, dear child ! " the Professor thankfully 
 replied, as he replaced the coins in his pocket. 
 " That saves two shillings ! " And he took the 
 children's hands, that they might all go out 
 
l68 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 together when the door was opened. This, 
 however, did not seem a very Hkely event, 
 though the Gardener patiently tried all the 
 small keys, over and over again. 
 
 At last the Professor ventured on a gentle 
 suggestion. '' Why not try the large one ? I 
 have often observed that a door unlocks much 
 more nicely with its own key." 
 
 The very first trial of the large key proved 
 a success : the Gardener opened the door, and 
 held out his hand for the money. 
 
 The Professor shook his head. "You are 
 acting by Rule,'' he explained, '' in opening 
 the door for me. And now it's open, we are 
 going out by Rule the Rule of Three." 
 
 The Gardener looked puzzled, and let us go 
 out ; but, as he locked the door behind us, we 
 heard him singing thoughtfully to himself 
 
 " He thought he saw a Garden-Door 
 That opened with a key : 
 
 He looked again, and found it was 
 A Double Rule of Three : 
 
 * And all its mystery', he said, 
 ' Is clear as day to nie ! ' " 
 
Xll] A MUSICAL GARDENER. 169 
 
 ** I shall now return," said the Professor, 
 when we had walked a few yards : " you see, 
 it's impossible to read herCy for all my books 
 are in the house." 
 
 But the children still kept fast hold of his 
 hands. '* Do come with us ! " Sylvie entreated 
 with tears in her eyes. 
 
 "■ Well, well ! " said the good-natured old 
 man. *' Perhaps I'll come after you, some day 
 soon. But I must go back now. You see I 
 left off at a comma, and it's so awkward not 
 knowing how the sentence finishes ! Besides, 
 you've got to go through Dogland first, and 
 I'm always a little nervous about dogs. But 
 it'll be quite easy to come, as soon as I've 
 
 completed my new invention for carrying 
 
 ovi^s-self, you know. It wants just a litt/e 
 more working out." 
 
 " Won't that be very tiring, to carry your- 
 self?'' Sylvie enquired. 
 
 "Well, no, my child. You see, whatever 
 fatigue one incurs by carrying, one saves by 
 being carried ! Good-bye, dears! Good-bye, 
 Sir ! " he added to my intense surprise, giving 
 my hand an affectionate squeeze. 
 
I70 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 " Good-bye, Professor ! " I replied : but my 
 voice sounded strange and far away, and the 
 children took not the slightest notice of our 
 farewell. Evidently they neither saw me nor 
 heard me, as, with their arms lovingly twined 
 round each other, they marched boldly on. 
 
CHAPTER XIII. 
 
 A VISIT TO DOGLAND. 
 
 '* There's a house, away there to the left," 
 said Sylvie, after we had walked what seemed 
 to me about fifty miles. ** Let's go and ask for 
 a night's lodging." 
 
 *' It looks a very comfable house," Bruno 
 said, as we turned into the road leading up to 
 it. "I doos hope the Dogs will be kind to us, 
 I is so tired and hungry ! " 
 
 A Mastiff, dressed in a scarlet collar, and 
 carrying a musket, was pacing up and down, 
 like a sentinel, in front of the entrance. He 
 started, on catching sight of the children, and 
 
172 
 
 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 came forwards to meet them, keeping his 
 musket pointed straight at Bruno, who stood 
 quite still, though he turned pale and kept tight 
 hold of Sylvie's hand, while the Sentinel walked 
 solemnly round and round them, and looked at 
 them from all points of view. 
 
 ** Oobooh, hooh boohooyah ! " He growled 
 at last. " Woobah yahwah oobooh ! Bow 
 wahbah woobooyah ? Bow wow .'^ " he asked 
 Bruno, severely. 
 
Xiii] A VISIT TO DOGLAND. 173 
 
 Of course Bruno understood all this, easily 
 
 enough. All Fairies understand Doggee 
 
 that is, Dog-language. But, 2lS> you may find it 
 a little difficult, just at first, I had better put it 
 into English for you. '' Humans, I verily be- 
 lieve! A couple of stray Humans ! What Dog 
 do you belong to ? What do you want ? " 
 
 *' We don't belong to a Dog ! " Bruno began, 
 in Doggee. (" Peoples never belongs to Dogs ! " 
 he whispered to Sylvie.) 
 
 But Sylvie hastily checked him, for fear of 
 hurting the Mastiff's feelings. " Please, we 
 
 want a little food, and a night's lodging if 
 
 there's room in the house," she added timidly. 
 Sylvie spoke Doggee very prettily : but I think 
 it's almost better, for you, to give the conversa- 
 tion in Enorjish. 
 
 "The house, indeed!" growled the Sentinel. 
 ** Have you never seen a Palace in your life ? 
 Come along with me ! His Majesty must settle 
 what's to be done with you." 
 
 They followed him through the entrance-hall, 
 down a long passage, and into a magnificent 
 Saloon, around which were grouped dogs of all 
 sorts and sizes. Two splendid Blood-hounds 
 
174 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 were solemnly sitting up, one on each side of 
 
 the crown-bearer. Two or three Bull-dogs 
 
 whom I guessed to be the Body- Guard of the 
 
 King were waiting in grim silence : in fact 
 
 the only voices at all plainly audible were 
 those of two little dogs, who had mounted a 
 settee, and were holding a lively discussion 
 that looked very like a quarrel 
 
 '' Lords and Ladies in Waiting, and various 
 Court Officials," our guide gruffly remarked, 
 as he led us in. Of me the Courtiers took no 
 notice whatever : but Sylvie and Bruno were 
 the subject of many inquisitive looks, and many 
 whispered remarks, of which I only distinctly 
 
 caught one made by a sly-looking Dachshund 
 
 to his friend '' Bah wooh wahyah hookah 
 
 Oobooh, hah bah ? " (" She's not such a bad- 
 looking Human, is she .-^ ") 
 
 Leaving the new arrivals in the centre of 
 the Saloon, the Sentinel advanced to a door 
 at the further end of it, which bore an in- 
 scription, painted on it in Doggee, '' Royal 
 Kennel Scratch and Yell." 
 
 Before doing this, the Sentinel turned to the 
 children, and said '' Give me your names." 
 
Xiii] A VISIT TO DOGLAND. 175 
 
 " We'd rather not ! " Bruno exclaimed, pulling 
 Sylvie away from the door. '' We want them 
 ourselves. Come back, Sylvie ! Come quick ! " 
 
 ''Nonsense!" said Sylvie very decidedly: 
 and gave their names in Doggee. 
 
 Then the Sentinel scratched violently at the 
 door, and gave a yell that made Bruno shiver 
 from head to foot. 
 
 '' Hooyah wah ! " said a deep voice inside. 
 (That's Doggee for '' Come in ! ") 
 
 '* It's the King himself!" the Mastiff whispered 
 in an awestruck tone. " Take off your wigs, 
 and lay them humbly at his paws." (What we 
 should call '* at his feet^) 
 
 Sylvie was just going to explain, very 
 politely, that really they couldtit perform that 
 ceremony, because their wigs wouldn't come 
 off, when the door of the Royal Kennel opened, 
 and an enormous Newfoundland Dog put his 
 head out. " Bow wow ? " was his first question. 
 
 "When His Majesty speaks to you," the 
 Sentinel hastily whispered to Bruno, *' you 
 should prick up your ears ! " 
 
 Bruno looked doubtfully at Sylvie. ** I'd 
 rather not, please," he said. "It would hurt." 
 
\^(i 
 
 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
Xiiil A VISIT TO DOGLAND. 177 
 
 '* It doesn't hurt a bit!" the Sentinel said 
 with some indignation. " Look ! It's like this !" 
 And he pricked up his ears like two railway 
 signals. 
 
 Sylvie gently explained matters. *' I'm afraid 
 we ca'n't manage it," she said in a low voice. 
 "I'm very sorry : but our ears haven't got the 
 
 right " she wanted to say ''machinery" in 
 
 Doggee : but she had forgotten the word, and 
 could only think of '* steam-engine." 
 
 The Sentinel repeated Sylvie's explanation 
 to the King. 
 
 " Can't prick up their ears without a steam- 
 engine ! " His Majesty exclaimed. *' They must 
 be curious creatures ! I must have a look at 
 them ! " And he came out of his Kennel, and 
 walked solemnly up to the children. 
 
 What was the amazement not to say the 
 
 horror of the whole assembly, when Sylvie 
 
 actually patted His Majesty on the head, while 
 Bruno seized his long ears and pretended to tie 
 them together under his chin ! 
 
 The Sentinel groaned aloud : a beautiful 
 
 Greyhound who appeared to be one of the 
 
 Ladies in Waiting fainted away : and all the 
 
 N 
 
178 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 Other Courtiers hastily drew back, and left 
 plenty of room for the huge Newfoundland to 
 spring upon the audacious strangers, and tear 
 them limb from limb. 
 
 Only he didn't. On the contrary his 
 
 Majesty actually smiled so far as a Dog can 
 
 smile and (the other Dogs couldn't believe 
 
 their eyes, but it was true, all the same) his 
 Majesty wagged his tail I 
 
 '' Yah ! Hooh hahwooh ! " (that is " Well ! 
 I never ! ") was the universal cry. 
 
 His Majesty looked round him severely, and 
 gave a slight growl, which produced instant 
 silence. '* Conduct 7ny friends to the banquet- 
 ing-hall ! " he said, laying such an emphasis on 
 ''my friends'' that several of the dogs rolled 
 over helplessly on their backs and began to 
 lick Bruno's feet. 
 
 A procession was formed, but I only ven- 
 tured to follow as far as the door of the ban- 
 queting-hall, so furious was the uproar of bark- 
 ing dogs within. So I sat down by the King, 
 who seemed to have gone to sleep, and waited 
 till the children returned to say good-night, 
 when His Majesty got up and shook himself. 
 
xiii] A VISIT TO DOGLAND. 179 
 
 " Time for bed ! " he said with a sleepy 
 yawn. "The attendants will show you your 
 room," he added, aside, to Sylvie and Bruno. 
 " Bring lights ! " And, with a dignified air, he 
 held out his paw for them to kiss. 
 
 But the children were evidently not well 
 practised in Court-manners. Sylvie simply 
 stroked the great paw : Bruno hugged it : the 
 Master of the Ceremonies looked shocked. 
 
 All this time Dog-waiters, in splendid livery, 
 were running up with lighted candles : but, as 
 fast as they put them upon the table, other 
 waiters ran away with them, so that there 
 never seemed to be one for me, though the 
 Master kept nudging me with his elbow, and 
 repeating " I ca'n't let you sleep here ! You're 
 not in bed, you know ! " 
 
 I made a great effort, and just succeeded 
 in getting out the words " I know I'm not. 
 I'm in an arm-chair." 
 
 " Well, forty winks will do you no harm," the 
 Master said, and left me. I could scarcely hear 
 his words : and no wonder : he was leaning 
 over the side of a ship, that was miles away 
 from the pier on which I stood. The ship 
 
 N 2 
 
i8o SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 passed over the horizon, and I sank back into 
 the arm-chair. 
 
 The next thing I remember is that it was 
 morning : breakfast was just over : Sylvie was 
 Hfting Bruno down from a high chair, and say- 
 ing to a Spaniel, who was regarding them with 
 a most benevolent smile, "Yes, thank you, we've 
 had a very nice breakfast. Haven't we, Bruno .f^" 
 
 '' There was too many bones in the " 
 
 Bruno began, but Sylvie frowned at him, and 
 laid her finger on her lips, for, at this moment, 
 the travelers were waited on by a very dig- 
 nified officer, the Head-Growler, whose duty it 
 was, first to conduct them to the King to bid 
 him farewell, and then to escort them to the 
 boundary of Dogland. The great Newfound- 
 land received them most affably, but, instead 
 of saying '* good-bye," he startled the Head- 
 Growler into giving three savage growls, by 
 announcing that he would escort them himself. 
 
 *' It is a most unusual proceeding, your 
 Majesty ! '' the Head-Growler exclaimed, almost 
 choking with vexation at being set aside, for he 
 had put on his best Court-suit, made entirely of 
 cat-skins, for the occasion. 
 
xiii] A VISIT TO DOGLAND. l8i 
 
 " I shall escort them myself," his Majesty 
 repeated, gently but firmly, laying aside the 
 Royal robes, and changing his crown for a 
 small coronet, *' and you may stay at home." 
 
 '' I are glad ! " Bruno whispered to Sylvie, 
 when they had got well out of hearing. '* He 
 were so we//y cross ! " And he not only patted 
 their Royal escort, but even hugged him round 
 the neck in the exuberance of his delight. 
 
 His Majesty calmly wagged the Royal tail. 
 ** It's quite a relief," he said, " getting away 
 from that Palace now and then ! Royal Dogs 
 have a dull life of it, I can tell you ! Would 
 you mind " (this to Sylvie, in a low voice, and 
 looking a little shy and embarrassed) *' would 
 you mind the trouble of just throwing that 
 stick for me to fetch ? " 
 
 Sylvie was too much astonished to do any- 
 thing for a moment : it sounded such a men 
 strous impossibility that a Km£' should wish to 
 run after a stick. But Bruno was equal to the 
 occasion, and with a glad shout of ** Hi then ! 
 Fetch it, good Doggie ! " he hurled it over a 
 clump of bushes. The next moment the 
 Monarch of Dogland had bounded over the 
 
l82 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 bushes, and picked up the stick, and came 
 galloping back to the children with it in his 
 mouth. Bruno took it from him with great 
 decision. ''Beg for it!" he insisted; and His 
 Majesty begged. '' Paw ! " commanded Sylvie ; 
 and His Majesty gave his paw. In short, the 
 solemn ceremony of escorting the travelers to 
 the boundaries of Dogland became one long 
 uproarious game of play ! 
 
 " But business is business ! " the Dog-King 
 said at last. " And I must go back to mine. 
 I couldn't come any further," he added, con- 
 sulting a dog-watch, which hung on a chain 
 round his neck, " not even if there were a Cat 
 in sight ! " 
 
 They took an affectionate farewell of His 
 Majesty, and trudged on. 
 
 " That were a dear dog ! " Bruno exclaimed. 
 " Has we to go far, Sylvie ? I's tired ! " 
 
 " Not much further, darling ! " Sylvie gently 
 replied. " Do you see that shining, just beyond 
 those trees ? I'm almost sure it's the gate of 
 
 Fairyland ! I know it's all golden Father 
 
 told me so and so bright, so bright ! " she 
 
 went on dreamily. 
 
XIII] A VISIT TO DOGLAND. 183 
 
 "It dazzles!" said Bruno, shading his eyes 
 with one little hand, while the other clung 
 tightly to Sylvie's hand, as if he were half- 
 alarmed at her strange manner. 
 
 For the child moved on as if walking in her 
 sleep, her large eyes gazing into the far dis- 
 tance, and her breath coming and going in 
 quick pantings of eager delight. I knew, by 
 some mysterious mental light, that a great 
 change was taking place in my sweet little 
 friend (for such I loved to think her) and that 
 she was passing from the condition of a mere 
 Outland Sprite into the true Fairy-nature. 
 
 Upon Bruno the change came later : but it 
 was completed in both before they reached the 
 golden gate, through which I knew it would 
 be impossible for me to follow. I could but 
 stand outside, and take a last look at the two 
 sweet children, ere they disappeared within, 
 and the golden gate closed with a bang. 
 
 And with such a bang! ''It never will 
 shut like any other cupboard-door," Arthur 
 explained. "There's something wrong with 
 the hinge. However, here's the cake and wine. 
 And you've had your forty winks. So you 
 
I84 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 really must get off to bed, old man ! You're 
 fit for nothing else. Witness my hand, Arthur 
 Forester, M.D." 
 
 By this time I was wide-awake again. " Not 
 quite yet ! " I pleaded. '' Really I'm not sleepy 
 now. And it isn't midnight yet." 
 
 '' Well, I did want to say another word to 
 you," Arthur replied in a relenting tone, as he 
 supplied me with the supper he had prescribed. 
 " Only I thought you were too sleepy for it 
 to-night." 
 
 We took our midnight meal almost in silence ; 
 for an unusual nervousness seemed to have 
 seized on my old friend. 
 
 ''What kind of a night is it?" he asked, 
 rising and undrawing the window-curtains, ap- 
 parently to change the subject for a minute. 
 I followed him to the window, and we stood 
 together, looking out, in silence. 
 
 '' When I first spoke to you about " 
 
 Arthur began, after a long and embarrassing 
 silence, " that is, when we first talked about her 
 
 for I think it was you that introduced the 
 
 subject my own position in life forbade me 
 
 to do more than worship her from a distance : 
 
xiii] A VISIT TO DOGLAND. 185 
 
 and I was turning over plans for leaving this 
 place finally, and settling somewhere out of all 
 chance of meeting her again. That seemed 
 to be my only chance of usefulness in life." 
 
 " Would that have been wise ? " I said. '' To 
 leave yourself no hope at all ? " 
 
 " There was no hope to leave," Arthur firmly 
 replied, though his eyes glittered with tears 
 as he gazed upwards into the midnight sky, 
 from which one solitary star, the glorious 
 ' Vega,' blazed out in fitful splendour through 
 the driving clouds. " She was like that star 
 
 to me bright, beautiful, and pure, but out 
 
 of reach, out of reach ! " 
 
 He drew the curtains again, and we returned 
 to our places by the fireside. 
 
 " What I wanted to tell you was this," he 
 resumed. *' I heard this evening from my 
 solicitor. 1 can't go into the details of the 
 business, but the upshot is that my worldly 
 wealth is much more than I thought, and I 
 am (or shall soon be) in a position to offer 
 marriage, without imprudence, to any lady, even 
 if she brought nothing. I doubt if there would 
 be anything on her side : the Earl is poor, I 
 
i86 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 believe. But I should have enough for both, 
 even if health failed." 
 
 '* I wish you all happiness in your married 
 life!" I cried. '* Shall you speak to the Earl 
 to-morrow ? " 
 
 ** Not yet awhile," said Arthur. ** He is very 
 friendly, but I dare not think he means more 
 
 than that, as yet. And as for as for Lady 
 
 Muriel, try as I may, I cannot read her feelings 
 towards me. If there is love, she is hiding it ! 
 No, I must wait, I must wait! " 
 
 I did not like to press any further advice on 
 my friend, whose judgment, I felt, was so much 
 more sober and thoughtful than my own ; and 
 we parted without more words on the subject 
 that had now absorbed his thoughts, nay, his 
 very life. 
 
 The next morning a letter from my solicitor 
 arrived, summoning me to town on important 
 business. 
 
CHAPTER XIV. 
 
 FAIRY-SYLVIE. 
 
 For a full month the business, for which I 
 had returned to London, detained me there : 
 and even then it was only the urgent advice 
 of my physician that induced me to leave it 
 unfinished and pay another visit to Elveston. 
 
 Arthur had written once or twice during 
 the month ; but in none of his letters was 
 there any mention of Lady Muriel. Still, I 
 did not augur ill from his silence : to me it 
 looked like the natural action of a lover, who, 
 even while his heart was singing *' She is 
 mine ! ", would fear to paint his happiness in 
 
l88 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 the cold phrases of a written letter, but would 
 wait to tell it by word of mouth. " Yes," I 
 thought, " I am to hear his song of triumph 
 from his own lips ! " 
 
 The night I arrived we had much to say on 
 other matters : and, tired with the journey, I 
 went to bed early, leaving the happy secret 
 still untold. Next day, however, as we chatted 
 on over the remains of luncheon, I ventured 
 to put the momentous question. ** Well, old 
 friend, you have told me nothing of Lady 
 Muriel nor when the happy day is to be ?" 
 
 " The happy day," Arthur said, looking 
 unexpectedly grave, '' is yet in the dim future. 
 
 We need to know or, rather, s^e needs to 
 
 know me better. I know Aer sweet nature, 
 thoroughly, by this time. But I dare not speak 
 till I am sure that my love is returned." 
 
 " Don't wait too long ! " I said gaily. '* Faint 
 heart never won fair lady ! " 
 
 *' It ^^ ' faint heart,' perhaps. But really I 
 dare not speak just yet." 
 
 ** But meanwhile, ' I pleaded, '' you are run- 
 ning a risk that perhaps you have not thought 
 of. Some other man " 
 
XIV] FAIRY-SYLVIE. 189 
 
 ** No," said Arthur firmly. " She is heart- 
 whole : I am sure of that. Yet, if she loves 
 another better than me, so be it! I will not 
 spoil her happiness. The secret shall die with 
 me. But she is my first and my only love ! " 
 
 " That is all very beautiful sentiment'^ I said, 
 ** but it is not practical. It is not like you. 
 
 He either fears his fate too much^ 
 
 Or his desert is sinall^ 
 Who dares not put it to the touchy 
 
 To win or lose it all.'' 
 
 " I dare not ask the question whether there 
 is another ! " he said passionately. ** It would 
 break my heart to know it ! " 
 
 *' Yet is it wise to leave it unasked 1 You 
 must not waste your life upon an * if ' ! " 
 
 "I tell you I dare not!" 
 
 " May / find it out for you ? " I asked, with 
 the freedom of an old friend. 
 
 " No, no ! " he replied with a pained look. 
 " I entreat you to say nothing. Let it wait." 
 
 " As you please," I said : and judged it best 
 to say no more just then. " But this evening/' 
 I thought, ** I will call on the Earl. I may be 
 
I90 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 able to see how the land lies, without so much 
 as saying a word ! " 
 
 It was a very hot afternoon too hot to go 
 
 for a walk or do anything or else It wouldn't 
 
 have happened, I believe. 
 
 In the first place, I want to know dear 
 
 Child who reads this ! why Fairies should 
 
 always be teaching tis to do our duty, and 
 lecturing ms when we go wrong, and we should 
 never teach them anything } You can't mean 
 to say that Fairies are never greedy, or selfish, 
 or cross, or deceitful, because that would be 
 nonsense, you know. Well then, don't you 
 think they might be all the better for a little 
 lecturing and punishing now and then ? 
 
 I really don't see why it shouldn't be tried, 
 and I'm almost sure that, if you could only 
 catch a Fairy, and put it In the corner, and 
 give it nothing but bread and water for a day 
 or two, you'd find it quite an Improved cha- 
 racter It would take down its conceit a 
 
 little, at all events. - 
 
 The next question Is, what Is the best time 
 for seeing Fairies ? I believe I can tell you 
 all about that. 
 
xiv] FAIRY-SYLVIE. 191 
 
 The first rule is, that it must be a very hot 
 
 day that we may consider as settled : and 
 
 you must be just a little sleepy but not too 
 
 sleepy to keep your eyes open, mind. Well, 
 
 and you ought to feel a little what one may 
 
 call '' fairyish " the Scotch call it " eerie/' 
 
 and perhaps that's a prettier word ; if you 
 don't know what it means, I'm afraid I can 
 hardly explain it ; you must wait till you meet 
 a Fairy, and then you'll know. 
 
 And the last rule is, that the crickets should 
 not be chirping. I can't stop to explain that : 
 you must take it on trust for the present. 
 
 So, if all these things happen together, you 
 
 have a good chance of seeing a Fairy or at 
 
 least a much better chance than if they didn't. 
 
 The first thing I noticed, as I went lazily 
 along through an open place in the wood, was 
 a large Beetle lying struggling on its back, and 
 I went down upon one knee to help the poor 
 thing to its feet again. In some things, you 
 know, you can't be quite sure what an insect 
 would like : for instance, I never could quite 
 settle, supposing I were a moth, whether I 
 would rather be kept out of the candle, or be 
 
192 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 allowed to fly straight in and get burnt or 
 
 again, supposing I were a spider, I'm not sure 
 if I should be quite pleased to have my web 
 
 torn down, and the fly let loose but I feel 
 
 quite certain that, if I were a beetle and had 
 rolled over on my back, I should always be 
 glad to be helped up again. 
 
 So, as I was saying, I had gone down upon 
 one knee, and was just reaching out a little 
 stick to turn the Beetle over, when I saw a 
 sight that made me draw back hastily and 
 hold my breath, for fear of making any noise 
 and frightening the little creature away. 
 
 Not that she looked as if she would be 
 easily frightened : she seemed so good and 
 gentle that I'm sure she would never expect 
 that any one could wish to hurt her. She 
 was only a few inches high, and was dressed 
 in green, so that you really would hardly have 
 noticed her among the long grass ; and she 
 was so delicate and graceful that she quite 
 seemed to belong to the place, almost as if 
 she were one of the flowers. I may tell you, 
 besides, that she had no wings (I don't believe 
 in Fairies with wings), and that she had quan- 
 
xiv] 
 
 FAIRY-SYLVIE. 
 
 193 
 
 titles of long brown hair and large earnest 
 brown eyes, and then I shall have done all 
 I can to give you an idea of her. 
 
 Sylvie (I found out her name afterwards) 
 had knelt down, just as I was doing, to help 
 the Beetle ; but it needed more than a little 
 stick for her to get it on its legs again ; it was 
 as much as she could do, with both arms, to 
 roll the heavy thing over ; and all the while 
 she was talking to it, half scolding and half 
 comforting, as a nurse might do with a child 
 that had fallen down. 
 
 O 
 
194 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 '* There, there ! You needn't cry so much 
 
 about it. You're not killed yet though if 
 
 you were, you couldn't cry, you know, and 
 so it's a general rule against crying, my dear ! 
 And how did you come to tumble over ? 
 
 But I can see well enough how it was 1 
 
 needn't ask you that walking over sand-pits 
 
 with your chin in the air, as usual. Of course 
 if you go among sand-pits like that, you must 
 expect to tumble. You should look." 
 
 The Beetle murmured something that sounded 
 like '' I did look,'' and Sylvie went on again. 
 
 '' But I know you didn't ! You never do ! 
 
 You always walk with your chin up you're 
 
 so dreadfully conceited. Well, let's see how 
 many legs are broken this time. Why, none 
 of them, I declare ! And what's the good 
 of having six legs, my dear, if you can only 
 kick them all about in the air when you 
 tumble ? Legs are meant to walk with, you 
 know. Now don't begin putting out your 
 wings yet ; I've more to say. Go to the 
 
 frog that lives behind that buttercup give 
 
 him my compliments Sylvie's compliments 
 
 can you say * compliments ' ? " 
 
XIV] FAIRY-SYLVIE. 195 
 
 The Beetle tried and, I suppose, succeeded. 
 
 " Yes, that's right. And tell him he's to give 
 you some of that salve I left with him yester- 
 day. And you'd better get him to rub it in 
 for you. He's got rather cold hands, but you 
 mustn't mind that." 
 
 I think the Beetle must have shuddered at 
 this idea, for Sylvie went on in a graver tone. 
 ** Now you needn't pretend to be so particular 
 as all that, as if you were too grand to be 
 rubbed by a frog. The fact is, you ought to 
 be very much obliged to him. Suppose you 
 could get nobody but a toad to do it, how 
 would you like that?'' 
 
 There was a little pause, and then Sylvie 
 added '* Now you may go. Be a good beetle, 
 and don't keep your chin in the air." And then 
 began one of those performances of humming, 
 and whizzing, and restless banging about, such 
 as a beetle indulges in when it has decided on 
 flying, but hasn't quite made up its mind which 
 way to go. At last, in one of its awkward zig- 
 zags, it managed to fly right into my face, and, 
 by the time I had recovered from the shock, 
 the little Fairy was gone. 
 
 o 2 
 
196 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 I looked about in all directions for the little 
 
 creature, but there was no trace of her and 
 
 my 'eerie' feeling was quite gone off, and 
 
 the crickets were chirping again merrily so 
 
 I knew she was really gone. 
 
 And now I've got time to tell you the rule 
 about the crickets. They always leave off chirp- 
 ing when a Fairy goes by because a Fairy's 
 
 a kind of queen over them, I suppose at all 
 
 events it's a much grander thing than a cricket 
 
 so whenever you're walking out, and the 
 
 crickets suddenly leave off chirping, you may 
 be sure that they see a Fairy. 
 
 I walked on sadly enough, you may be sure. 
 However, I comforted myself with thinking 
 *' It's been a very wonderful afternoon, so far. 
 I'll just go quietly on and look about me, and 
 I shouldn't wonder if I were to come across 
 another Fairy somewhere." 
 
 Peering about in this way, I happened to 
 notice a plant with rounded leaves, and with 
 queer little holes cut in the middle of several 
 of them. '* Ah, the leafcutter bee ! " I carelessly 
 
 remarked you know I am very learned in 
 
 Natural History (for instance, I can always tell 
 
XIV] FAIRY-SYLVIE. 197 
 
 kittens from chickens at one glance) and I 
 
 was passing on, when a sudden thought made 
 me stoop down and examine the leaves. 
 
 Then a little thrill of delight ran through me 
 
 for I noticed that the holes were all arranged 
 
 so as . to form letters ; there were three leaves 
 side by side, with '' B," " R," and " U " marked 
 on them, and after some search I found two 
 more, which contained an " N " and an " O." 
 
 And then, all in a moment, a flash of inner 
 light seemed to illumine a part of my life that 
 
 had all but faded into oblivion the strange 
 
 visions I had experienced during my journey 
 to Elveston : and with a thrill of delight I 
 thought ^* Those visions are destined to be 
 linked with my waking life ! " 
 
 By this time the ' eerie ' feeling had come 
 back again, and I suddenly observed that no 
 crickets were chirping ; so I felt quite sure 
 that '* Bruno " was somewhere very near. 
 
 And so indeed he was so near that I had 
 
 very nearly walked over him without seeing 
 him ; which would have been dreadful, always 
 
 supposing that Fairies can be walked over 
 
 my own belief is that they are something of 
 
198 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 the nature of Will-o'-the-Wisps : and there's 
 no walking over them. 
 
 Think of any pretty Httle boy you know, 
 with rosy cheeks, large dark eyes, and tangled 
 brown hair, and then fancy him made small 
 enough to go comfortably into a coffee-cup, 
 and you'll have a very fair idea of him. 
 
 *' What's your name, little one ? " I began, 
 in as soft a voice as I could manage. And, 
 by the way, why is it we always begin by 
 asking little children their names ? Is it 
 because we fancy a name will help to make 
 them a litde bigger } You never thought of 
 asking a real large man his name, now, did 
 you ? But, however that may be, I felt it 
 quite necessary to know his name ; so, as he 
 didn't answer my question, I asked it again 
 a little louder. " WTiat's your name, my little 
 man i 
 
 "■ What's oors ? " he said, without looking up. 
 
 I told him my name quite gently, for he was 
 much too small to be angry with. 
 
 ** Duke of Anything 1 " he asked, just looking 
 at me for a moment, and then going on with 
 his work. 
 
XIV] FAIRY-SYLVIE. 199 
 
 ** Not Duke at all," I said, a little ashamed 
 of having to confess it. 
 
 ** Oo're big enough to be two" Dukes," said 
 the little creature. *' I suppose oo're Sir Some- 
 thing, then ? " 
 
 " No," I said, feeling more and more ashamed. 
 " I haven't got any title." 
 
 The Fairy seemed to think that in that case 
 I really wasn't worth the trouble of talking to, 
 for he quietly went on digging, and tearing the 
 flowers to pieces. 
 
 After a few minutes I tried again. " Please 
 tell me what your name is." 
 
 '* Bruno," the little fellow answered, very 
 readily. '* Why didn't 00 say * please' before ?" 
 
 " That's something like what we used to be 
 taught in the nursery," I thought to myself, 
 looking back through the long years (about 
 a hundred of them, since you ask the ques- 
 tion), to the time when I was a little child. 
 And here an idea came into my head, and 
 I asked him "Aren't you one of the Fairies 
 that teach children to be good ? " 
 
 " Well, we have to do that sometimes," said 
 Bruno, ** and a dreadful bother it is." As he 
 
200 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 said this, he savagely tore a heartsease in two, 
 and trampled on the pieces. 
 
 " What are you doing there, Bruno ? " I said. 
 
 *' Spoiling Sylvie's garden," was all the an- 
 swer Bruno would give at first. But, as he 
 went on tearing up the flowers, he muttered to 
 
 himself ** The nasty cross thing wouldn't let 
 
 me go and play this morning, said I must 
 
 finish my lessons first lessons, indeed ! TU 
 
 vex her finely, though ! " - 
 
 '' Oh, Bruno, you shouldn't do that ! " I cried. 
 *' Don't you know that's revenge ? And re- 
 venge is a wicked, cruel, dangerous thing ! " 
 
 " River-edge ? " said Bruno. ** What a funny 
 word ! I suppose oo call it cruel and danger- 
 ous 'cause, if oo wented too far and tumbleded 
 in, oo'd get drownded." 
 
 "No, not river-edge," I explained: ''re- 
 venge" (saying the word very slowly). But I 
 couldn't help thinking that Bruno's explanation 
 did very well for either word. 
 
 ''Oh!" said Bruno, opening his eyes very 
 wide, but without trying to repeat the word. 
 
 " Come ! Try and pronounce it, Bruno!" I 
 said, cheerfully. " Re-venge, re-venge." 
 
XIV] FAIRY-SYLVIE. 201 
 
 But Bruno only tossed his little head, and 
 said he couldn't ; that his mouth wasn't the 
 right shape for words of that kind. And the 
 more I laughed, the more sulky the little 
 fellow got about it. 
 
 "Well, never mind, my little man!" I said. 
 '* Shall I help you with that job ? " 
 
 "Yes, please," Bruno said, quite pacified. 
 " Only I wiss I could think of somefin to 
 vex her more than this. Oo don't know 
 how hard it is to make her angry ! " 
 
 " Now listen to me, Bruno, and I'll teach 
 you quite a splendid kind of revenge ! " 
 
 " Somefin that'll vex her finely ? " he asked 
 with gleaming eyes. 
 
 " Something that will vex her finely. First, 
 we'll get up all the weeds in her garden. See, 
 
 there are a good many at this end quite 
 
 hiding the flowers." 
 
 " But ^/la^ won't vex her ! " said Bruno. 
 
 " After that," I said, without noticing the re- 
 mark, •* we'll water this highest bed up here. 
 
 You see it's getting quite dry and dusty." 
 
 Bruno looked at me inquisitively, but he said 
 nothing this time. 
 
202 SYLVIE AND* BRUNO. 
 
 "Then after that," I went on, "the walks 
 want sweeping a bit ; and I think you might 
 
 cut down that tall nettle it's so close to the 
 
 garden that it's quite in the way " 
 
 "What is oo talking about?" Bruno im- 
 patiently interrupted me. " All that won't vex 
 her a bit ! " 
 
 " Won't it ? " I said, innocently. " Then, after 
 that, suppose we put in some of these coloured 
 pebbles — ^just to mark the divisions between the 
 different kinds of flowers, you know. That'll 
 have a very pretty effect." 
 
 Bruno turned round and had another good 
 stare at me. At last there came an odd little 
 twinkle into his eyes, and he said, with quite a 
 new meaning in his voice, " That'll do nicely. 
 
 Let's put 'em in rows all the red together, 
 
 and all the blue together." 
 
 "That'll do capitally," I said; "and then 
 
 what kind of flowers does Sylvie like best ? " 
 
 Bruno had to put his thumb in his mouth 
 and consider a little before he could answer. 
 "Violets," he said, at last. 
 
 " There's a beautiful bed of violets down by 
 the brook " 
 
XIV] FAIRY-SYLVIE. 203 
 
 '* Oh, let's fetch 'em ! " cried Bruno, giving a 
 little skip into the air. '' Here ! Catch hold of 
 my hand, and I'll help 00 along. The grass is 
 rather thick down that way." 
 
 I couldn't help laughing at his having so 
 entirely forgotten what a big creature he was 
 talking to. " No, not yet, Bruno," I said : '* we 
 must consider what's the right thing to do first. 
 You see we've got quite a business before us." 
 
 " Yes, let's consider,'' said Bruno, putting his 
 thumb into his mouth again, and sitting down 
 upon a dead mouse. 
 
 '* What do you keep that mouse for ? " I said. 
 ** You should either bury it, or else throw it 
 into the brook." 
 
 '* Why, it's to measure with ! " cried Bruno. 
 '* How ever would 00 do a garden without 
 one ? We make each bed three mouses and a 
 half long, and two mouses wide." 
 
 I stopped him, as he was dragging it off by 
 the tail to show me how it was used, for I was 
 half afraid the 'eerie' feeling might go off 
 before we had finished the garden, and in that 
 case I should see no more of him or Sylvie. 
 ** I think the best way will be for you to weed 
 
204 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 the beds, 'while / sort out these pebbles, ready 
 to mark the walks with." 
 
 ''That's it!" cried Bruno. "And I'll tell 
 
 00 about the caterpillars while we work." 
 ''Ah, let's hear about the caterpillars," I said, 
 
 as I drew the pebbles together into a heap and 
 began dividing them into colours. 
 
 And Bruno went on in a low, rapid tone, 
 more as if he were talking to himself. " Yes- 
 terday I saw two little caterpillars, when I was 
 sitting by the brook, just where oo go into the 
 wood. They were quite green, and they had 
 yellow eyes, and they didn't see me. And one 
 
 of them had got a moth's wing to carry a 
 
 great brown moth's wing, oo know, all dry, 
 with feathers. So he couldn't want it to eat, 
 
 1 should think perhaps he meant to make 
 
 a cloak for the winter ? " 
 
 "Perhaps," I said, for Bruno had twisted up 
 the last word into a sort of question, and was 
 looking at me for an answer. 
 
 One word was quite enough for the little 
 fellow, and he went on merrily. "Well, and 
 so he didn't want the other caterpillar to see 
 the moth's wing, oo know so what must he 
 
XIV] FAIRY-SYLVIE. 205 
 
 do but try to carry it with all his left legs, 
 and he tried to walk on the other set. Of 
 course he toppled over after that." 
 
 ** After what ? " I said, catching at the last 
 word, for, to tell the truth, I hadn't been 
 attending much. 
 
 "He toppled over," Bruno repeated, very 
 gravely, '' and if 00 ever saw a caterpillar 
 topple over, oo'd know it's a welly serious 
 
 thing, and not sit grinning like that and I 
 
 shan't tell 00 no more ! " 
 
 '* Indeed and indeed, Bruno, I didn't mean 
 to grin. See, I'm quite grave again now." 
 
 But Bruno only folded his arms, and said 
 " Don't tell me. I see a little twinkle in one 
 of oor eyes just like the moon." 
 
 "Why do you think I'm like the moon, 
 Bruno ? " I asked. 
 
 " Oor face is large and round like the moon," 
 Bruno answered, looking at me thoughtfully. 
 
 "It doosn't shine quite so bright but it's 
 
 more cleaner." 
 
 I couldn't help smiling at this. " You know 
 I sometimes wash my face, Bruno. The moon 
 never does that." 
 
2o6 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 " Oh, doosn't she though ! " cried Bruno ; and 
 he leant forwards and added in a solemn 
 whisper, '' The moon's face gets dirtier and 
 dirtier every night, till it's black all across. 
 
 And then, when it's dirty all over so " (he 
 
 passed his hand across his own rosy cheeks 
 as he spoke) ''then she washes it." 
 
 '* Then it's all clean again, isn't it ?" 
 
 " Not all in a moment," said Bruno. ** What 
 a deal of teaching oo wants ! She washes it 
 
 little by little only she begins at the other 
 
 edge, oo know." 
 
 By this time he was sitting quietly on the 
 dead mouse with his arms folded, and the 
 weeding wasn't getting on a bit : so I had 
 to say ''Work first, pleasure afterwards: no 
 more talking till that bed's finished." 
 
• CHAPTER XV. 
 Bruno's revenge. 
 
 After that we had a few minutes of silence, 
 while I sorted out the pebbles, and amused 
 myself with watching Bruno's plan of garden- 
 ing. It was quite a new plan to me : he 
 always measured each bed before he weeded 
 it, as if he was afraid the weeding would 
 make it shrink ; and once, when it came out 
 longer than he wished, he set to work to 
 thump the mouse with his little fist, crying 
 out '* There now ! It*s all gone wrong again ! 
 Why don't oo keep oor tail straight when I 
 tell oo!" 
 
2o8 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 ''I'll tell you what I'll do," Bruno said in a 
 half-whisper, as we worked. '* Oo like Fairies, 
 don too?" 
 
 " Yes," I said : '' of course I do, or I shouldn't 
 have come here. I should have gone to some 
 place where there are no Fairies." 
 
 Bruno laughed contemptuously. "Why, oo 
 might as well say oo'd go to some place where 
 
 there wasn't any air supposing oo didn't 
 
 like air ! " 
 
 This was a rather difficult idea to grasp. I 
 tried a change of subject. " You're nearly the 
 first Fairy I ever saw. Have you ever seen 
 any people besides me 1 " 
 
 " Plenty ! " said Bruno. ** We see 'em when 
 we walk in the road." 
 
 *' But they can* t see you. How is it they 
 never tread on you ? " 
 
 '* Can't tread on us," said Bruno, looking 
 amused at my ignorance. '* Why, suppose 
 
 oo're walking, here so " (making little 
 
 marks on the ground) " and suppose there's a 
 
 Fairy that's me walking here. Very well 
 
 then, oo put one foot here, and one foot here, 
 so oo doosn't tread on the Fairy." 
 
XV] BRUNO'S REVENGE. 209 
 
 This was all very well as an explanation, 
 but It didn't convince me. *' Why shouldn't 
 I put one foot on the Fairy ? " I asked. 
 
 *' I don't know why!' the little fellow said in 
 a thouorhtful tone. *' But I know 00 wouldnt. 
 Nobody never walked on the top of a Fairy. 
 Now I'll tell 00 what I'll do, as oo're so fond 
 of Fairies. I'll get 00 an invitation to the 
 Fairy-King's dinner-party. I know one of the 
 head-waiters." 
 
 I couldn't help laughing at this idea. " Do 
 the waiters invite the guests ? " I asked. 
 
 " Oh, not to sit down!'' Bruno said. *' But 
 to wait at table. Oo'd like that, wouldn't 00 .'* 
 To hand about plates, and so on." 
 
 "Well, but that's not so nice as sitting at 
 the table, Is it ? " 
 
 " Of course it isn't," Bruno said, in a tone 
 as if he rather pitied my ignorance ; " but if 
 oo're not even Sir Anything, 00 ca'n't expect 
 to be allowed to sit at the table, 00 know." 
 
 I said, as meekly as I could, that I didn't ex- 
 pect it, but it was the only way of going to a 
 dinner-party that I really enjoyed. And Bruno 
 tossed his head, and said, in a rather offended 
 
 P 
 
2IO sylvie; and bruno. 
 
 tone, that I might do as I pleased there were 
 
 many he knew that would give their ears to go. 
 
 " Have you ever been yourself, Bruno ? " 
 
 '' They invited me once, last week," Bruno 
 said, very gravely. *' It was to wash up the 
 
 soup-plates no, the cheese-plates I mean 
 
 that was grand enough. And I waited at table. 
 And I didn't hardly make only one mistake." 
 
 " What was it ? " I said. " You needn't mind 
 telling me.'' 
 
 '' Only bringing scissors to cut the beef with," 
 Bruno said carelessly. '' But the grandest thing 
 of all was, /fetched the King a glass of cider ! " 
 
 "That was grand!" I said, biting my lip to 
 keep myself from laughing. 
 
 ** Wasn't it?" said Bruno, very earnestly. 
 *' Oo know it isn't every one that's had such 
 an honour as ^Aa^ ! " 
 
 This set me thinking of the various queer 
 things we call '' an honour " in this world, but 
 which, after all, haven't a bit more honour in 
 them than what Bruno enjoyed, when he took 
 the King a glass of cider. 
 
 I don't know how long I might not have 
 dreamed on in this way, if Bruno hadn't sud- 
 
XV] BRUNO'S REVENGE. 211 
 
 denly roused me. ** Oh, come here quick ! " 
 he cried, in a state of the wildest excitement. 
 " Catch hold of his other horn ! I ca'n't hold 
 him more than a minute ! " 
 
 He was struggling desperately with a great 
 snail, clinging to one of its horns, and nearly 
 breaking his poor little back in his efforts to 
 drag it over a blade of grass. 
 
 I saw we should have no more gardening if 
 I let this sort of thing go on, so I quietly took 
 the snail away, and put it on a bank where he 
 couldn't reach it. ''We'll hunt it afterwards, 
 Bruno," I said, " if you really want to catch it. 
 But what's the use of it when you've got it ? " 
 
 ''What's the use of a fox when 00' ve got 
 it ? " said Bruno. " I know 00 big things hunt 
 foxes." 
 
 I tried to think of some good reason why 
 " big things " should hunt foxes, and he should 
 not hunt snails, but none came into my head : 
 so I said at last, " Well, I suppose one's as 
 good as the other. I'll go snail-hunting myself 
 some day." 
 
 '* I should think 00 wouldn't be so silly," 
 said Bruno, "as to go snail-hunting by oor- 
 
 p 2 
 
212 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 self. Why, oo'd never get the snail along, if 
 oo hadn't somebody to hold on to his other 
 horn ! " 
 
 '' Of course I sha'n't go alone'' I said, quite 
 gravely. " By the way, is that the best kind to 
 hunt, or do you recommend the ones without 
 shells ? " 
 
 " Oh, no, we never hunt the ones without 
 shells," Bruno said, with a little shudder at the 
 thought of it. '' They're always so cross about 
 it ; and then, if oo tumbles over them, they're 
 ever so sticky ! " 
 
 By this time we had nearly finished the gar- 
 den. I had fetched some violets, and Bruno 
 was just helping me to put in the last, when he 
 suddenly stopped and said ''I'm tired." 
 
 ** Rest then," I said : " I can go on without 
 you, quite well." 
 
 Bruno needed no second invitation : he at 
 once began arranging the dead mouse as a kind 
 of sofa. ''And I'll sing oo a little song," he 
 said, as he rolled it about. 
 
 '' Do," said I : *' I like songs very much." 
 
 '* Which song will oo choose ? " Bruno said, 
 as he dragged the mouse into a place where he 
 
xv] 
 
 BRUNO'S REVENGE. 
 
 213 
 
 Ting, ting, 
 
 could get a good view of me. 
 ting ' is the nicest." 
 
 There was no resisting such a strong hint as 
 this : however, I pretended to think about it for 
 a moment, and then said *' Well, I like ' Ting, 
 ting, ting,' best of all." 
 
 ' IV 
 
 ^'^^^'^^iCr-^^^pt^v 
 
 •* That shows oo're a good judge of music," 
 Bruno said, with a pleased look. " How many 
 hare-bells would 00 like ? " And he put his 
 thumb into his mouth to help me to consider. 
 
 As there was only one cluster of hare-bells 
 within easy reach, I said very gravely that I 
 thought one would do this time, and I picked 
 
214 
 
 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 it and gave it to him. Bruno ran his hand 
 once or twice up and down the flowers, like 
 a musician trying an instrument, producing a 
 most delicious delicate tinkling as he did so. 
 
 I had never heard flower-music before 1 
 
 don't think one can, unless one's in the ' eerie ' 
 
 state and I don't know quite how to give 
 
 you an idea of what it was like, except by 
 saying that it sounded like a peal of bells a 
 thousand miles ofl". When he had satisfied 
 himself that the flowers were in tune, he 
 seated himself on the dead mouse (he never 
 seemed really comfortable anywhere else), and, 
 looking up at me with a merry twinkle in his 
 eyes, he began. By the way, the tune was 
 rather a curious one, and you might like to 
 try it for yourself, so here are the notes. 
 
 
 :tz=i=t: 
 
 :::f^P=i=p: 
 
 
 IszX 
 
 id —-^ -^ 
 
 mm 
 
 i&^=E=il?==l^ 
 
XV] BRUNO'S REVENGE. 215 
 
 ''Rise, ok, rise! The daylight dies: 
 
 The owls are hooting, ting, ting, ting ! 
 
 Wake, oh, wake ! Beside the lake 
 The elves are fluting, ting, ting, ting I 
 
 Welcoming our Fairy King, 
 We sing, sing, sing." 
 
 He sang the first four lines briskly and 
 merrily, making the hare-bells chime in time 
 with the music; but the last two he sang 
 quite slowly and gently, and merely waved 
 the flowers backwards and forwards. Then 
 he left off to explain. " The Fairy-King is 
 
 Oberon, and he lives across the lake and 
 
 sometimes he comes in a little boat and we 
 
 go and meet him and then we sing this 
 
 song, you know." 
 
 ** And then you go and dine with him } " I 
 said, mischievously. 
 
 '' Oo shouldn't talk," Bruno hastily said : *' it 
 interrupts the song so.'* 
 
 I said I wouldn't do it again. 
 
 " I never talk myself when I'm singing,'^ 
 he went on very gravely: "so 00 shouldn't 
 either." Then he tuned the hare-bells once 
 more, and sang : 
 
2i6 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 '^ Hear^ oh, hear! From far and near 
 The music stealing, ting, ting, ting! 
 Fairy bells adown the dells 
 
 Are merrily pealiftg^ ting, ting, ting I 
 Welcoming our Fairy King, 
 We ring, ring, ring. 
 
 " See, oh, see ! On every tree 
 
 What lamps are shining, ting, ting, ting I 
 They are eyes of fiery flies 
 
 To light our dining, ting, ting, ting! 
 Welcoming our Fairy King 
 They swing, swing, swing. 
 
 " Haste, oh haste, to take and taste 
 
 The dainties waiting, ting, ting, ting! 
 Honey-dew is stored " 
 
 '* Hush, Bruno ! " I interrupted in a warning 
 whisper. '' She's coming ! " 
 
 Bruno checked his song, and, as she slowly 
 made her way through the long grass, he 
 suddenly rushed out headlong at her like a 
 little bull, shouting '' Look the other way ! 
 Look the other way ! " 
 
XV] BRUNO'S REVENGE. 217 
 
 ** Which way ? " Sylvie asked, in rather a 
 frightened tone, as she looked round in all 
 directions to see where the danger could be. 
 
 " That way ! " said Bruno, carefully turning 
 her round with her face to the wood. *' Now, 
 
 walk backwards walk gently don't be 
 
 frightened : 00 sha'n't trip ! " 
 
 But Sylvie did trip notwithstanding : in fact 
 he led her, in his hurry, across so many little 
 sticks and stones, that it was really a wonder 
 the poor child could keep on her feet at all. 
 But he was far too much excited to think of 
 what he was doing. 
 
 I silently pointed out to Bruno the best place 
 to lead her to, so as to get a view of the whole 
 garden at once : it was a little rising ground, 
 about the height of a potato ; and, when they 
 had mounted it, I drew back into the shade, that 
 Sylvie mightn't see me. 
 
 I heard Bruno cry out triumphantly ** Now 
 00 may look ! " and then followed a clapping 
 of hands, but it was all done by Bruno him- 
 self. Sylvie was silent she only stood and 
 
 gazed with her hands clasped together, and I 
 was half afraid she didn't like it after all. 
 
2i8 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 Bruno too was watching her anxiously, and 
 when she jumped down off the mound, and 
 began wandering up and down the little walks, 
 he cautiously followed her about, evidently 
 anxious that she should form her own opinion 
 of it all, without any hint from him. And when 
 at last she drew a long breath, and gave her 
 
 verdict in a hurried whisper, and without 
 
 the slightest regard to grammar '* It's the 
 
 loveliest thing as I never saw in all my life 
 before ! " the little fellow looked as well pleased 
 as if it had been given by all the judges and 
 juries in England put together. 
 
 '* And did you really do it all by yourself, 
 Bruno ? " said Sylvie. '' And all for me ? " 
 
 " I was helped a bit," Bruno began, with a 
 merry little laugh at her surprise. " We've 
 
 been at it all the afternoon 1 thought oo'd 
 
 like " and here the poor little fellow's lip 
 
 began to quiver, and all in a moment he burst 
 out crying, and running up to Sylvie he flung 
 his arms passionately round her neck, and hid 
 his face on her shoulder. 
 
 There was a little quiver in Sylvie's voice 
 too, as she whispered '' Why, what's the 
 
XV] BRUNO'S REVENGE. 219 
 
 matter, darling ? " and tried to lift up his head 
 and kiss him. 
 
 But Bruno only clung to her, sobbing, and 
 wouldn't be comforted till he had confessed. 
 
 " I tried to spoil oor garden first but 
 
 I'll never never " and then came another 
 
 burst of tears, which drowned the rest of the 
 sentence. At last he got out the words " I 
 
 liked putting in the flowers for 00, Sylvie 
 
 and I never was so happy before." And 
 
 the rosy little face came up at last to be 
 kissed, all wet with tears as it was. 
 
 Sylvie was crying too by this time, and she 
 said nothing but '' Bruno, dear!" and ''/never 
 was so happy before," though why these two 
 children who had never been so happy before 
 should both be crying was a mystery to me 
 
 I felt very happy too, but of course I didn't 
 
 cry : " big things " never do, you know we 
 
 leave all that to the Fairies. Only I think it 
 must have been raining a little just then, for 
 I found a drop or two on my cheeks. 
 
 After that they went through the whole gar- 
 den again, flower by flower, as if it were a long 
 sentence they were spelling out, with kisses for 
 
220 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 commas, and a great hug by way of a full-stop 
 when they got to the end. 
 
 ''Doos oo know, that was my river-edge, 
 Sylvie ? " Bruno solemnly began. 
 
 Sylvie laughed merrily. " What do you 
 mean '^, " she said. And she pushed back her 
 heavy brown hair with both hands, and looked 
 at him with dancing eyes in which the big tear- 
 drops were still glittering. 
 
 Bruno drew in a long breath, and made up 
 his mouth for a great effort. '* I mean re — 
 venge," he said : *' now oo under'tand.^' And 
 he looked so happy and proud at having said 
 the word right at last, that I quite envied him. 
 1 rather think Sylvie didn't **under'tand" at 
 all ; but she gave him a little kiss on each cheek, 
 which seemed to do just as well. 
 
 So they wandered off lovingly together, in 
 among the buttercups, each with an arm twined 
 round the other, whispering and laughing as 
 they went, and never so much as once looked 
 back at poor me. Yes, once, just before I quite 
 lost sight of them, Bruno half turned his head, 
 and nodded me a saucy little good-bye over 
 one shoulder. And that was all the thanks I 
 
XV] BRUNO'S REVENGE. 221 
 
 got for my trouble. The very last thing I saw 
 
 of them was this Sylvie was stooping down 
 
 with her arms round Bruno's neck, and saying 
 coaxingly in his ear, '* Do you know, Bruno, 
 I've quite forgotten that hard word. Do say 
 it once more. Come ! Only this once, dear ! " 
 But Bruno wouldn't try it again. 
 
CHAPTER XVI. 
 
 A CHANGED CROCODILE. 
 
 The Marvellous the Mysterious had 
 
 quite passed out of my life for the moment : 
 and the Common-place reigned supreme. I 
 turned in the direction of the Earl's house, as 
 it was now ' the witching hour ' of five, and I 
 knew I should find them ready for a cup of tea 
 and a quiet chat. 
 
 Lady Muriel and her father gave me a de- 
 lightfully warm welcome. They were not of 
 the folk we meet in fashionable drawing-rooms 
 
 who conceal all such feelings as they may 
 
 chance to possess beneath the impenetrable 
 
XVI] A CHANGED CROCODILE. 223 
 
 mask of a conventional placidity. ' The Man 
 with the Iron Mask* was, no doubt, a rarity 
 and a marvel in his own age : in modern 
 London no one would turn his head to give 
 him a second look ! No, these were real 
 people When they looked pleased, it meant 
 that they were pleased : and when Lady Muriel 
 said, with a bright smile, " I'm very glad to 
 see you again ! ", I knew that it was true. 
 
 Still I did not venture to disobey the injunc- 
 tions crazy as I felt them to be of the love- 
 sick young Doctor, by so much as alluding to 
 his existence : and it was only after they had 
 given me full details of a projected picnic, to 
 which they invited me, that Lady Muriel ex- 
 claimed, almost as an after-thought, **and do, 
 if you can, bring Doctor Forester with you ! 
 I'm sure a day in the country would do him 
 good. I'm afraid he studies too much " 
 
 It was 'on the tip of my tongue' to quote 
 the words "His only books are woman's 
 
 looks!" but I checked myself just in time 
 
 with something of the feeling of one who has 
 crossed a street, and has been all but run over 
 by a passing * Hansom.' 
 
224 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 '' and I think he has too lonely a life/* 
 
 she went on, with a gentle earnestness that 
 left no room whatever to suspect a double 
 meaning. '' Do get him to come ! And don't 
 forget the day, Tuesday week. We can drive 
 
 you over. It would be a pity to go by rail 
 
 there is so much pretty scenery on the road. 
 And our open carriage just holds four." 
 
 "■ Oh, ril persuade him to come ! " I said 
 
 with confidence thinking '*it would take all 
 
 my powers of persuasion to keep him away ! " 
 
 The picnic was to take place In ten days : and 
 though Arthur readily accepted the invitation I 
 brought him, nothing that I could say would 
 
 induce him to call either with me or without 
 
 me on the Earl and his daughter in the 
 
 meanwhile. No : he feared to " wear out his 
 welcome," he said: they had **seen enough 
 of him for one while " : and, when at last 
 the day for the expedition arrived, he was so 
 childishly nervous and uneasy that I thought 
 it best so to arrange our plans that we should 
 
 go separately to the house my intention 
 
 being to arrive some time after him, so as 
 to give him time to get over a meeting. 
 
xvi] A CHANGED CROCODILE. 325 
 
 With this object I purposely made a consid- 
 erable circuit on my way to the Hall (as we 
 called the Earl's house) : " and if I could only 
 manage to lose my way a bit," I thought to 
 myself, " thnt would suit me capitally ! " 
 
 In this I succeeded better, and sooner, than 
 I had ventured to hope for. The path through 
 the wood had been made familiar to me, by 
 many a solitary stroll, in my former visit to 
 Elveston ; and how I could have so suddenly 
 
 :uid so entirely lost it even though I was 
 
 so engrossed in thinking of Arthur and his 
 
 lady-love that I heeded little else was a 
 
 mystery to me. ** And this open place," I said 
 to myself, " seems to have some memory about it 
 
 I cannot distinctly recall surely it is the very 
 
 spot where I saw those Fairy-Children ! But 
 I hope there are no snakes about!" I mused 
 aloud, taking my seat on a fallen tree. '* I 
 
 certainly do not like snakes and I don't 
 
 suppose Bruno likes them, either ! " 
 
 " No, he doesnt. like them ! " said a demure 
 little voice at my side. " He's not afraid of 
 them, you know. But he doesn't like them. He 
 says they're too waggly ! " 
 
 Q 
 
226 
 
 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 Words fail me to describe the beauty of the 
 
 little group couched on a patch of moss, on 
 
 the trunk of the fallen tree, that met my eager 
 gaze : Sylvie reclining with her elbow buried in 
 the moss, and her rosy cheek resting in the 
 palm of her hand, and Bruno stretched at her 
 feet with his head in her lap. 
 
 " Too waggly ? " was all 1 could say in so 
 sudden an emergency. 
 
 ''I'm not praticular," Bruno said, carelessly : 
 ** but I do like straight animals best " 
 
 " But you like a dog when it wags its tail," 
 Sylvie interrupted. *' You know you do, Bruno ! " 
 
XVI] A CHANGED CROCODILE. 227 
 
 ** But there's more of a dog, isn't there, Mis- 
 ter Sir ? " Bruno appealed to me. " You wouldn't 
 like to have a dog if it hadn't got nuffin but 
 a head and a tail ? " 
 
 I admitted that a dog of that kind would be 
 uninteresting. 
 
 ** There isnt such a dog as that," Sylvie 
 thoughtfully remarked. 
 
 " But there would be," cried Bruno, ** if the 
 Professor shortened it up for us ! " 
 
 ''Shortened it up.-*" I said. ''That's some- 
 thing new. How does he do it } " 
 
 " He's got a curious machine " Sylvie was 
 
 beginning to explain. 
 
 ** A welly curious machine," Bruno broke in, 
 not at all willing to have the story thus taken 
 
 out of his mouth, " and if 00 puts in some- 
 
 finoruvver at one end, 00 know and he 
 
 turns the handle and it comes out at the 
 
 uvver end, oh, ever so short ! " 
 
 " As short as short ! " Sylvie echoed. 
 
 " And one day when we was in Outland, 
 
 00 know before we came to Fairyland 
 
 me and Sylvie took him a big Crocodile. And 
 he shortened it up for us. And it did look so 
 
 Q 2 
 
228 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 funny ! And it kept looking round, and say- 
 ing * wherever is the rest of me got to ? ' And 
 then its eyes looked unhappy " 
 
 " Not both its eyes," Sylvie interrupted. 
 
 '* Course not ! " said the little fellow. " Only 
 the eye that couldtit see wherever the rest 
 of it had got to. But the eye that could 
 see wherever " 
 
 " How short was the crocodile?" I asked, 
 as the story was getting a little complicated. 
 
 '' Half as short again as when we caught it 
 
 so long," said Bruno, spreading out his arms 
 
 to their full stretch. 
 
 I tried to calculate what this would come to, 
 but it was too hard for me. Please make it out 
 for me, dear Child who reads this ! 
 
 " But you didn't leave the poor thing so short 
 as that, did you ? " 
 
 '' Well, no. Sylvie and me took it back again 
 
 and we got it stretched to to how much 
 
 was it, Sylvie ? " 
 
 " Two times and a half, and a little bit more," 
 said Sylvie. 
 
 "It wouldn't like that better than the other 
 way, Tm afraid .-^ " 
 
XVI] A CHANGED CROCODILE. 229 
 
 ** Oh, but it did though ! " Bruno put in 
 eagerly. *' It were proud of its new tail ! Oo 
 never saw a Crocodile so proud ! Why, it could 
 go round and walk on the top of its tail, and 
 along its back, all the way to its head ! " 
 
 ** Not quite all the way,*' said Sylvie. '* It 
 couldn't, you know." 
 
 '*Ah, but it did, once!" Bruno cried trium- 
 phantly. " Oo weren't looking but / watched 
 
 it. And it walked on tipplety-toe, so as it 
 wouldn^t wake itself, 'cause it thought it were 
 asleep. And it got both its paws on its tail. 
 And it walked and it walked all the way along 
 its back. And it walked and it walked on its 
 forehead. And it walked a tiny little way down 
 its nose ! There now ! " 
 
 This was a good deal worse than the last 
 puzzle. Please, dear Child, help again ! 
 
23© SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 " I don't believe no Crocodile never walked 
 along its own forehead ! " Sylvie cried, too 
 much excited by the controversy to limit the 
 number of her negatives. 
 
 '' Oo don't know the reason why it did it ! " 
 Bruno scornfully retorted. ''It had a welly 
 good reason. I heerd it say * Why shouldnt I 
 walk on my own forehead .'* ' So a course it 
 did, 00 know ! " 
 
 *' If thafs a good reason, Bruno," I said, 
 " why shouldn't you get up that tree ? " 
 
 ''Shall, in a minute," said Bruno : *' soon as 
 we've done talking. Only two peoples cdnt 
 talk comfably togevver, when one's getting up 
 a tree, and the other isn't ! " 
 
 It appeared to me that a conversation would 
 scarcely be ' comfable ' while trees were being 
 climbed, even if both the * peoples ' were doing 
 it : but it was evidently dangerous to oppose 
 any theory of Bruno's ; so I thought it best to 
 let the question drop, and to ask for an account 
 of the machine that made things longer. 
 
 This time Bruno was at a loss, and left it 
 to Sylvie. ''It's like a mangle," she said : 'Mf 
 things are put in, they get squoze " 
 
XVI] A CHANGED CROCODILE. 231 
 
 " Squeezeled ! " Bruno interrupted. 
 
 '* Yes." Sylvie accepted the correction, but 
 did not attempt to pronounce the word, which 
 
 was evidently new to her. '* They get like 
 
 that and they come out, oh, ever so long ! " 
 
 *' Once," Bruno began again, "Sylvie and 
 me writed " 
 
 " Wrote ! " Sylvie whispered. 
 
 ** Well, we wroted a Nursery-Song, and the 
 Professor mangled it longer for us. It were 
 ' There was a little Man^ And he had a little 
 gun. And the bullets 
 
 " I know the rest," I interrupted. " But would 
 
 you say it long 1 mean the way that it came 
 
 out of the mangle ? " 
 
 " We'll get the Professor to sing it for you," 
 said Sylvie. ** It would spoil it \.o say it." 
 
 ** I would like to meet the Professor," I said. 
 '* And I would like to take you all with me, 
 to see some friends of mine, that live near 
 here. Would you like to come ? " 
 
 " I don't think the Professor would like to 
 come," said Sylvie. " He's very shy. But wed 
 like it very much. Only we'd better not come 
 this size, you know." 
 
233 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 The difficulty had occurred to me already : 
 and I had felt that perhaps there would be a 
 slight awkwardness in introducing two such 
 tiny friends into Society. " What size will 
 you be ? " I enquired. 
 
 '* We'd better come as common children^' 
 
 Sylvie thoughtfully replied. ''That's the easiest 
 size to manage." 
 
 "Could you come to-day?" I said, think- 
 ing " then we could have you at the picnic ! " 
 
 Sylvie considered a little. '' Not to-dayl' 
 she replied. '' We haven't got the things ready. 
 
 We'll come on Tuesday next, if you like. 
 
 And now, really, Bruno, you must come and 
 do your lessons." 
 
 "■ I wiss oo wouldn't say ' really Bruno ! ' " 
 the little fellow pleaded, with pouting lips that 
 made him look prettier than ever. '* It always 
 shows there's something horrid coming ! And 
 I won't kiss you, if you're so unkind." 
 
 ** Ah, but you have kissed me ! " Sylvie ex- 
 claimed in merry triumph. 
 
 *' Well then, I'll ^//^kiss you ! " And he threw 
 his arms round her neck for this novel, but 
 apparently not very painful, operation. 
 
XVI] A CHANGED CROCODILE. 233 
 
 ** It's very like kissing!'' Sylvie remarked, 
 as soon as her lips were again free for speech. 
 
 ** Oo don't know miffin about it ! It were 
 just the conkery ! " Bruno replied with much 
 severity, as he marched away. 
 
 Sylvie turned her laughing face to me. 
 ** Shall we come on Tuesday ? " she said. 
 
 ** Very well," I said : ''let it be Tuesday next. 
 But where is the Professor ? Did he come with 
 you to Fairyland ? " 
 
 " No," said Sylvie. " But he promised he'd 
 come and see us, some day. He's getting his 
 Lecture ready. So he has to stay at home." 
 
 *' At home .'^ " I said dreamily, not feeling 
 quite sure what she had said. 
 
 " Yes, Sir. His Lordship and Lady Muriel 
 are at home. Please to walk this way." 
 
CHAPTER XVII. 
 
 THE THREE BADGERS. 
 
 Still more dreamily I found myself follow- 
 ing this imperious voice into a room where the 
 Earl, his daughter, and Arthur, were seated. 
 ** So you're come at last!'' said Lady Muriel, 
 in a tone of playful reproach. 
 
 ** I was delayed," I stammered. Though 
 ivhat it was that had delayed me I should 
 have been puzzled to explain ! Luckily no 
 questions were asked. 
 
 The carriage was ordered round, the hamper, 
 containing our contribution to the Picnic, was 
 duly stowed away, and we set forth. 
 
xvii] THE THREE BADGERS. 235 
 
 There was no need for me to maintain the 
 conversation. Lady Muriel and Arthur were 
 evidently on those most delightful of terms, 
 where one has no need to check thought after 
 thought, as it rises to the lips, with the fear 
 
 * this will not be appreciated this will give 
 
 offence this will sound too serious this 
 
 will sound flippant ' : like very old friends, in 
 fullest sympathy, their talk rippled on. 
 
 ** Why shouldn't we desert the Picnic and 
 go in some other direction ? " she suddenly 
 suggested. '* A party of four is surely self-suffi- 
 cing ? And as for food, our hamper " 
 
 **Why shouldnt we? What a genuine 
 ladys argument ! " laughed Authur. ** A lady 
 never knows on which side the onus probandi 
 the burden of proving lies ! " 
 
 ** Do men always know } " she asked with a 
 pretty assumption of meek docility. 
 
 " With one exception the only one I can 
 
 think of Dr. Watts, who has asked the 
 
 senseless question 
 
 * Why should I deprive my neighbour 
 Of his goods against his wiU?' 
 
236 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 Fancy that as an argument for Honesty ! His 
 position seems to be ' I'm only honest because 
 I see no reason to steal.' And the thief's 
 answer Is of course complete and crushing. 
 * I deprive my neighbour of his goods because 
 I want them myself. And I do It against his 
 will because there's no chance of getting him 
 to consent to It ! ' " 
 
 ** I can give you one other exception," I 
 
 said : '* an argument I heard only to-day 
 
 and not by a lady. ' Why shouldn't I walk on 
 my own forehead ? ' " 
 
 " What a curious subject for speculation ! " 
 said Lady Muriel, turning to me, with eyes 
 brimming over with laughter. " May we know 
 who propounded the question ? And did he 
 walk on his own forehead ? " 
 
 " I ca'n't remember who It was that said It ! " 
 I faltered. " Nor where I heard It ! " 
 
 ** Whoever it was, I hope we shall meet him 
 at the Picnic!" said Lady Muriel. '' It's 2. far 
 more Interesting question than ' Isnt this a 
 picturesque ruin ? ' Arent those autumn-tints 
 lovely ? ' I shall have to answer those two 
 questions ten times, at least, this afternoon ! " 
 
XVii] THE THREE BADGERS. 237 
 
 " That's one of the miseries of Society ! " 
 said Arthur. " Why can't people let one en- 
 joy the beauties of Nature without having to 
 say so every minute ? Why should Life be 
 one long Catechism ? " 
 
 " It's just as bad at a picture-gallery," the 
 Earl remarked. " I went to the R.A. last May, 
 with a conceited young artist : and he did 
 torment me ! I wouldn't have minded his 
 criticizing the pictures himself : but / had to 
 
 agree with him or else to argue the point, 
 
 which would have been worse ! " 
 
 '' It was depreciatory criticism, of course?" 
 said Arthur. 
 
 " I don't see the ' of course ' at all." 
 
 " Why, did you ever know a conceited man 
 dare to praise a picture ? The one thing he 
 dreads (next to not being noticed) is to be 
 proved fallible I If you once praise a picture, 
 your character for infallibility hangs by a 
 thread. Suppose it's a figure-picture, and you 
 venture to say 'draws well.' Somebody mea- 
 sures it, and finds one of the proportions an 
 eighth of an inch wrong. You are disposed of 
 as a critic! 'Did you say he draws well?' 
 
238 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 your friends enquire sarcastically, while you 
 hang your head and blush. No. The only 
 safe course, if any one says ' draws well,' is to 
 shrug your shoulders. * Draws well ? ' you 
 repeat thoughtfully. ' Draws well? Humph ! ' 
 That's the way to become a great critic ! " 
 
 Thus airily chatting, after a pleasant 
 drive through a few miles of beautiful 
 
 scenery, we reached the rendezvous a 
 
 ruined castle where the rest of the picnic- 
 party were already assembled. We spent an 
 hour or two in sauntering- about the ruins : 
 gathering at last, by common consent, into a 
 few random groups, seated on the side of a 
 mound, which commanded a good view of the 
 old castle and its surroundings. 
 
 The momentary silence, that ensued, was 
 promptly taken possession of or, more cor- 
 rectly, taken into custody by a Voice ; a 
 
 voice so smooth, so monotonous, so sonorous, 
 that one felt, with a shudder, that any other 
 conversation was precluded, and that, unless 
 some desperate remedy were adopted, we were 
 fated to listen to a Lecture, of which no man 
 could foresee the end ! 
 
XVII] THE THREE BADGERS. 239 
 
 The speaker was a broadly-built man, whose 
 large, flat, pale face was bounded on the North 
 by a fringe of hair, on the East and West by 
 a fringe of whisker, and on the South by a 
 
 fringe of beard the whole constituting a 
 
 uniform halo of stubbly whitey-brown bristles. 
 His features were so entirely destitute of 
 expression that I could not help saying to 
 
 myself helplessly, as if in the clutches of a 
 
 night-mare ''they are only penciled in: no 
 
 final touches as yet ! " And he had a way of 
 ending every sentence with a sudden smile, 
 which spread like a ripple over that vast blank 
 surface, and was gone in a moment, leaving 
 behind it such absolute solemnity that I felt 
 impelled to murmur "it was not he: it was 
 somebody else that smiled ! " 
 
 "Do you observe?" (such was the phrase 
 with which the wretch began each sentence) 
 " Do you observe the way in which that broken 
 arch, at the very top of the ruin, stands out 
 against the clear sky ? It is placed exactly 
 right : and there is exactly enough of it. A 
 little more, or a little less, and all would be 
 utterly spoiled I " 
 
240 
 
 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 ** Oh gifted architect ! " murmured Arthur, 
 inaudlbly to all but Lady Muriel and myself. 
 " Foreseeing the exact effect his work would 
 have, when in ruins, centuries after his 
 death ! " 
 
 *' And do you observe, where those trees 
 slope down the hill," (indicating them with a 
 sweep of the hand, and with all the patronising 
 air of the man who has himself arranged the 
 
Xvii] THE THREE BADGERS. 241 
 
 landscape), **how the mists rising from the 
 river fill up exactly those intervals where we 
 need indistinctness, for artistic effect ? Here, 
 in the foreground, a few clear touches are 
 not amiss : but a ^^^y^-ground without mist, 
 you know! It is simply barbarous! Yes, we 
 need indistinctness ! " 
 
 The orator looked so pointedly at me as 
 he uttered these words, that I felt bound to 
 reply, by murmuring something to the effect 
 
 that I hardly felt the need myself and that 
 
 I enjoyed looking at a thing, better, when I 
 could see it. 
 
 ** Quite so ! " the great man sharply took 
 me up. *' From your point of view, that is 
 correctly put. But for any one who has a 
 soul for Art, such a view is preposterous. 
 Nature is one thing. Art is another. Nature 
 
 shows us the world as it is. But Art as 
 
 a Latin author tells us Art, you know 
 
 the words have escaped my memory " 
 
 " Ars est celare Naturaml' Arthur inter- 
 posed with a delightful promptitude. 
 
 " Quite so ! " the orator replied with an 
 air of relief. •' I thank you ! Ars est celare 
 
 R 
 
24i SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 Naturam but that isn't it." And, for a 
 
 few peaceful moments, the orator brooded, 
 frowningly, over the quotation. The welcome 
 opportunity was seized, and another voice 
 struck into the silence. 
 
 *' What a lovely old ruin it is ! " cried a 
 young lady in spectacles, the very embodiment 
 of the March of Mind, looking at Lady Muriel, 
 as the proper recipient of all really original 
 remarks. '' And dont you admire those au- 
 tumn-tints on the trees ? / do, intensely I " 
 
 Lady Muriel shot a meaning glance at me ; 
 but replied with admirable gravity. " Oh yes 
 indeed, indeed ! So true ! " 
 
 '' And isn't it strange," said the young lady, 
 passing with startling suddenness from Senti- 
 ment to Science, '' that the mere impact of 
 certain coloured rays upon the Retina should 
 give us such exquisite pleasure ? " 
 
 " You have studied Physiology, then } " a 
 certain young Doctor courteously enquired. 
 
 " Oh, yes I Isn't it a sweet Science ? " 
 
 Arthur slightly smiled. *' It seems a para- 
 dox, does it not," he went on, *' that the image 
 formed on the Retina should be inverted .^ " 
 
xvii] THE THREE BADGERS. 243 
 
 ** It is puzzling," she candidly admitted. 
 •' Why is it we do not see things upside-down ? " 
 
 ''You have never heard the Theory, then, 
 that the Brain also is inverted ? " 
 
 ** No indeed! What a beautiful fact! But 
 how is \X. proved?'' 
 
 •* Thus^ replied Arthur, with all the gravity 
 of ten Professors rolled into one. " What we 
 call the vertex of the Brain is really its base : 
 and what we call its base is really its vertex : 
 it is simply a question of nomenclature ^ 
 
 This last polysyllable settled the matter. 
 "How truly delightful!" the fair Scientist 
 exclaimed with enthusiasm. ** I shall ask our 
 Physiological Lecturer why he never gave us 
 that exquisite Theory ! " 
 
 "I'd give something to be present when the 
 question is asked ! " Arthur whispered to me, 
 as, at a signal from Lady Muriel, we moved 
 on to where the hampers had been collected, 
 and devoted ourselves to the more substantial 
 business of the day. 
 
 We 'waited' on ourselves, as the modern 
 barbarism (combining two good things in such 
 a way as to secure the discomforts of both and 
 
 R 2 
 
244 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 the advantages of neither) of having a picnic 
 with servants to wait upon you, had not yet 
 
 reached this out-of-the-way region and of 
 
 course the gentlemen did not even take their 
 places until the ladies had been duly provided 
 with all imaginable creature-comforts. Then 
 I supplied myself with a plate of something 
 solid and a glass of something fluid, and found 
 a place next to Lady Muriel. 
 
 It had been left vacant apparently for 
 
 Arthur, as a distinguished stranger : but he 
 had turned shy, and had placed himself next 
 to the young lady in spectacles, whose high 
 rasping voice had already cast loose upon 
 Society such ominous phrases as '' Man is a 
 bundle of Qualities ! ", '* the Objective is only 
 attainable through the Subjective ! ". Arthur 
 was bearing it bravely : but several faces wore 
 a look of alarm, and I thought it high time 
 to start some less metaphysical topic. 
 
 *' In my nursery days," I began, "when the 
 weather didn't suit for an out-of-doors picnic, 
 we were allowed to have a peculiar kind, that 
 we enjoyed hugely. The table cloth was laid 
 under the table, instead of upon it : we sat 
 
XVII] THE THREE BADGERS. 245 
 
 round it on the floor : and I believe we really- 
 enjoyed that extremely uncomfortable kind of 
 dinner more than we ever did the orthodox 
 arrangement ! " 
 
 " I've no doubt of it," Lady Muriel replied. 
 ** There's nothing a well-regulated child hates 
 so much as regularity. I believe a really 
 healthy boy would thoroughly enjoy Greek 
 
 Grammar if only he might stand on his head 
 
 to learn it ! And your carpet-dinner certainly 
 spared you one feature of a picnic, which is to 
 me its chief drawback." 
 
 " The chance of a shower .'* " I suggested. 
 
 " No, the chance or rather the certainty 
 
 of live things occurring in combination with 
 one's food ! Spiders are my bugbear. Now my 
 
 father has no sympathy with that sentiment 
 
 have you, dear ? " For the Earl had caught the 
 word and turned to listen. 
 
 ** To each his sufferings, all are men," he 
 replied in the sweet sad tones that seemed 
 natural to him : ''each has his pet aversion." 
 
 ** But you'll never guess his V Lady Muriel 
 said, with that delicate silvery laugh that was 
 music to my ears. 
 
246 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 I declined to attempt the impossible. 
 
 " He doesn't like snakes ! " she said, in a 
 stage whisper. " Now, isn't /Aa^ an unreason- 
 able aversion ? Fancy not liking such a dear, 
 coaxingly, clingingly affectionate creature as a 
 snake ! " 
 
 ** Not like snakes!'' I exclaimed. " Is such 
 a thing possible } " 
 
 *' No, he doesnt like them," she repeated 
 with a pretty mock-gravity. *' He's not afraid 
 of them, you know. But he doesn't like them. 
 He says they're too waggly ! " 
 
 I was more startled than I liked to show. 
 There was something so uncanny in this echo 
 of the very words I had so lately heard from 
 that little forest-sprite, that it was only by a 
 great effort I succeeded in saying, carelessly, 
 *' Let us banish so unpleasant a topic. Won't 
 you sing us something, Lady Muriel ? I know 
 you do sing without music.'* 
 
 ** The only songs I know without music 
 
 - — are desperately sentimental, I'm afraid ! Are 
 your tears all ready ? " 
 
 " Quite ready ! Quite ready ! " came from all 
 sides, and Lady Muriel not being one of 
 
XVIl] 
 
 THE THREE BADGERS. 
 
 247 
 
 those lady-singers who think it de rigueur to 
 decline to sing till they have been petitioned 
 three or four times, and have pleaded failure 
 of memory, loss of voice, and other conclusive 
 reasons for silence began at once : — 
 
 " There be three Badgers on a mossy stone, 
 Beside a dark and covered way : 
 Each dreams himself a monarch on his throne^ 
 
 And so they stay and stay 
 
 Though their old Father languishes alone, 
 They stay^ and stay, and stay. 
 
248 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 ** There be three Herrings loitering around^ 
 Longing to share that mossy seat : 
 Each Herring tries to sing what she has found 
 
 That makes L ife seem so sweet. 
 Thus, zvith a grating and uncertain sound, 
 They bleat, and bleat ^ and bleat. 
 
 " The M other- Herr if ig, on the salt sea- wave, 
 Sought vainly for her absent ones : 
 The Father- Badger, writhing in a cave, 
 Shrieked out ' Rettirn, my sons ! 
 You shall have buns,' he shrieked, ' if you'll behave! 
 Yea, buns, and buns, and buns ! ' 
 
 " ' I fear', said she, ^ your sons have gone astray f 
 My daughters left me while I slept' 
 * Yes 'm,' the Badger said : ' it's as you say! 
 
 ' They sJiould be better kept.' 
 Thus the poor parents talked the time away. 
 And wept, and wept, and wept*' 
 
 Here Bruno broke off suddenly. *' The 
 Herrings' Song wants anuvver tune, Sylvie," 
 
 he said. '' And I can't sing it not wizout 
 
 oo plays it for me ! " 
 
XVIl] 
 
 THE THREE BADGERS. 
 
 249 
 
 Instantly Sylvie seated herself upon a tiny 
 mushroom, that happened to grow in front of a 
 daisy, as if it were the most ordinary musical 
 instrument in the world, and played on the 
 petals as if they were the notes of an organ. 
 And such delicious tiny music it was ! Such 
 teeny-tiny music ! 
 
 Bruno held his head on one side, and listened 
 very gravely for a few moments until he had 
 caught the melody. Then the sweet childish 
 voice rang out once more : — 
 
2SO SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 " Ohy dear beyond our dearest dreams, 
 Fairer than all that fairest seems ! 
 To feast the rosy hours away, 
 To revel in a roundelay ! 
 
 How blest would be 
 
 A life so free 
 
 Ipzvergis'Pudding to consume, 
 And drink the subtle AzzigooiU I 
 
 ^^ And if in other days and hours. 
 Mid other fluffs and other flowers^ 
 
 The choice were given me how to dine 
 
 * Name what thou wilt : it shall be thine ! ' 
 
 Oh, then I see 
 
 The life for me 
 
 Ipwergis-Ptidding to consume, 
 And drink the subtle Azzigoom ! " 
 
 " Oo may leave off playing now^ Sylvie. 
 I can do the uvver tune much better wizout 
 a compliment." 
 
 ** He means * without accompaniment! " Sylvie 
 whispered, smiling at my puzzled look : and 
 she pretended to shut up the stops of the 
 organ. 
 
XVII] THE THREE BADGERS. 251 
 
 " The Badgers did not care to talk to Fish : 
 They did tiot dote on Herrings^ songs : 
 Tfiey never had experienced the dish 
 To which that name belongs : 
 ' And oh, to pinch their tails,' {this was their wish,) 
 * With tongs, yea, tongs, and tongs ! ' " 
 
 I ought to mention that he marked the 
 parenthesis, in the air, with his finger. It 
 seemed to me a very good plan. You know 
 
 there's no sound to represent it any more 
 
 than there is for a question. 
 
 Suppose you have said to your friend " You 
 are better to-day," and that you want him to 
 understand that you are asking him a question, 
 what can be simpler than just to make a " ? " 
 in the air with your finger ? He would un- 
 derstand you in a moment ! 
 
 " * And are not these tlte Fish,' the Eldest siglied, 
 * Whose Mother dwells beneath the foam ? ' 
 ' They are the Fish ! ' the Second one replied. 
 
 *■ And they have left their home ! * 
 * Oh wicked Fish,' the Youngest Badger cried, 
 * To roam, yea, roam, and roam ! ' 
 
252 
 
 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
xvii] THE THREE BADGERS. 253 
 
 " Gently the Badgers irotted to the shore 
 
 TJie sandy shore that fringed the bay : 
 
 Each in his mouth a living Herring bore 
 
 Those aged ones waxed gay : 
 Clear rang their voices through the ocea?is roar, 
 ' Hooray, hooray, hooray ! ' " 
 
 " So they all got safe home again," Bruno 
 said, after waiting a minute to see if / had 
 anything to say : he evidently felt that some 
 remark ought to be made. And I couldn't help 
 wishing there were some such rule in Society, 
 
 at the conclusion of a song that the singer 
 
 herself should say the right thing, and not leave 
 it to the audieace. Suppose a young lady has 
 just been warbling (* with a grating and uncer- 
 tain sound') Shelley's exquisite lyric '/ arise 
 from dreams of thee ': how much nicer it would 
 be, instead of your having to say " Oh, thank 
 you, thank you ! " for the young lady herself 
 to remark, as she draws on her gloves, while 
 the impassioned words * Oh, press- it to thine 
 own, or it will break at last I' are still ringing 
 
 in your ears, " but she wouldn't do it, you 
 
 know. So it did break at last" 
 
254 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 '' And I ^n^w it would ! " she added quietly, 
 as I started at the sudden crash of broken glass. 
 " YouVe been holding it sideways for the last 
 minute, and letting all the champagne run out ! 
 Were you asleep, I wonder ? I'm ^^ sorry my 
 singing has such a narcotic effect ! " 
 
CHAPTER XVIII. 
 
 QUEER STREET, NUMBER FORTY. 
 
 Lady Muriel was the speaker. And, for the 
 moment, that was the only fact I could clearly 
 
 realise. But how she came to be there and 
 
 how / came to be there and how the glass of 
 
 champagne came to be there all these were 
 
 questions which I felt it better to think out in 
 silence, and not commit myself to any statement 
 till I understood things a little more clearly. 
 
 * First accumulate a mass of Facts : and then 
 construct a Theory.' That, I believe, is the 
 true Scientific Method. I sat up, rubbed my 
 eyes, and began to accumulate Facts. 
 
256 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 A smooth grassy slope, bounded, at the 
 upper end, by venerable ruins half buried in 
 ivy, at the lower, by a stream seen through 
 
 arching trees a dozen gaily-dressed people, 
 
 seated in little groups here and there some 
 
 open hampers the ddbris of a picnic such 
 
 were the Facts accumulated by the Scientific 
 Researcher. And now, what deep, far-reaching 
 Theory was he to construct from them ? The 
 Researcher found himself at fault. Yet stay ! 
 One Fact had escaped his notice. While all 
 the rest were grouped in twos and in threes, 
 Arthur was alone : while all tongues were 
 talking, his was silent : while all faces were 
 gay, his ^y^2is gloomy and despondent. Here 
 was a Fact indeed ! The Researcher felt that 
 a Theory must be constructed without delay. 
 
 Lady Muriel had just risen and left the 
 party. Could that be the cause of his de- 
 spondency ? The Theory hardly rose to the 
 dignity of a Working Hypothesis. Clearly 
 more Facts were needed. 
 
 The Researcher looked round him once 
 more : and now the Facts accumulated in 
 such bewildering profusion, that the Theory 
 
xviii] QUEER STREET, NUMBER FORTY. 257 
 
 was lost among them. For Lady Muriel had 
 gone to meet a strange gentleman, just visible 
 in the distance : and now she was returninof 
 with him, both of them talking eagerly and 
 joyfully, like old friends who have been long 
 parted : and now she was moving from group 
 to group, introducing the new hero of the 
 hour : and he, young, tall, and handsome, 
 moved gracefully at her side, with the erect 
 bearing and firm tread of a soldier. Verily, 
 the Theory looked gloomy for Arthur! His 
 eye caught mine, and he crossed to rae. 
 
 " He is very handsome," I said. 
 
 ** Abominably handsome ! " muttered Arthur : 
 then smiled at his own bitter words. ** Lucky 
 no one heard me but you ! " 
 
 " Doctor Forester," said Lady Muriel, who 
 had just joined us, "let me introduce to you 
 
 my cousin Eric Lindon Captain Lindon, I 
 
 should say." 
 
 Arthur shook off his ill-temper instantly and 
 completely, as he rose and gave the young 
 soldier his hand. " I have heard of you," he 
 said. ** I'm very glad to make the acquaint- 
 ance of Lady Muriel's cousin." 
 
 s 
 
258 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 "Yes, that's all I'm distinguished for, as 
 yet!'' said Eric (so we soon got to call him) 
 with a winning smile. " And I doubt," 
 glancing at Lady Muriel, " if it even amounts 
 to a good-conduct-badge ! But it's something 
 to begin with." 
 
 ** You must come to my father, Eric," said 
 Lady Muriel. '' I think he's wandering among 
 the ruins." And the pair moved on. 
 
 The gloomy look returned to Arthur's face : 
 and I could see it was only to distract his 
 thoughts that he took his place at the side of 
 the metaphysical young lady, and resumed 
 their interrupted discussion. 
 
 " Talking of Herbert Spencer," he began, 
 *'do you really find no logical difficulty in 
 regarding Nature as a process of involution, 
 passing from definite coherent homogeneity to 
 indefinite incoherent heterogeneity ."^ " 
 
 Amused as I was at the ingenious jumble 
 he had made of Spencer's words, I kept as 
 grave a face as I could. 
 
 ''No physical difficulty," she confidently 
 replied : " but I haven't studied Logic much. 
 Would you state the difficulty } " 
 
XVIII] QUEER STREET, NUMBER FORTY. 259 
 
 " Well," said Arthur, " do you accept it as 
 self-evident ? Is it as obvious, for instance, 
 as that * things that are greater than the same 
 are greater than one another ' ? " 
 
 " To my mind," she modestly replied, " it 
 seems quite as obvious. I grasp both truths 
 by intuition. But other minds may need some 
 logical 1 forget the technical terms." 
 
 " For a complete logical argument," Arthur 
 began with admirable solemnity, " we need 
 two prim Misses " 
 
 ** Of course ! " she interrupted. " I remember 
 that word now. And they produce ?" 
 
 "A Delusion," said Arthur. 
 
 " Ye es ? " she said dubiously. " I don't 
 
 seem to remember that so well. But what is 
 the whole argument called ? " 
 
 •*A Sillygism." 
 
 " Ah, yes ! I remember now. But I don't 
 need a Sillygism, you know, to prove that 
 mathematical axiom you mentioned." 
 
 " Nor to prove that * all angles are equal ', 
 I suppose ? " 
 
 " Why, of course not ! One takes such a 
 simple truth as that for granted!" 
 
 s 2 
 
26o SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 Here I ventured to interpose, and to offer 
 her a plate of strawberries and cream. I felt 
 really uneasy at the thought that she might 
 detect the trick : and I contrived, unperceived 
 by her, to shake my head reprovingly at the 
 pseudo-philosopher. Equally unperceived by 
 her, Arthur slightly raised his shoulders, and 
 spread his hands abroad, as who should say 
 " What else can I say to her '^. " and moved 
 away, leaving her to discuss her strawberries 
 by ' involution,' or any other way she preferred. 
 
 By this time the carriages, that were to 
 convey the revelers to their respective homes, 
 had begun to assemble outside the Castle- 
 grounds : and it became evident now that 
 
 Lady Muriel's cousin had joined our party 
 
 that the problem, how to convey five people 
 to Elveston, with a carriage that would only 
 hold four, must somehow be solved. 
 
 The Honorable Eric Lindon, who was at 
 this moment walking up and down with Lady 
 Muriel, might have solved it at once, no doubt, 
 by announcing his intention of returning on 
 foot. Of this solution there did not seem to 
 be the very smallest probability. 
 
xviii] QUEER STREET, NUMBER FORTY. 261 
 
 The next best solution, it seemed to me, was 
 that / should walk home : and this I at once 
 proposed. 
 
 "You're sure you don't mind?" said the 
 Earl. ** I'm afraid the carriage won't take us 
 all, and I don't like to suggest to Eric to 
 desert his cousin so soon." 
 
 " So far from minding it," I said, ** I should 
 prefer it. It will give me time to sketch this 
 beautiful old ruin." 
 
 ''I'll keep you company," Arthur suddenly 
 said. And, in answer to what I suppose was a 
 look of surprise on my face, he said in a low 
 voice, ** I really would rather. I shall be quite 
 de trop in the carriage ! " 
 
 " I think I'll walk too," said the Earl. ** You'll 
 have to be content with Eric as your escort," 
 he added, to Lady Muriel, who had joined us 
 while he was speaking. 
 
 "You must be as entertaining as Cerberus 
 
 * three gentlemen rolled into one ' " Lady 
 
 Muriel said to her companion. *' It will be a 
 grand military exploit ! " 
 
 " A sort of Forlorn Hope ? " the Captain 
 modestly suggested. 
 
262 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 '* You do pay pretty compliments ! " laughed 
 his fair cousin. '* Good day to you, gentlemen 
 
 three or rather deserters three ! " And the 
 
 two young folk entered the carriage and were 
 driven away. 
 
 '' How long will your sketch take ? '' said 
 Arthur. 
 
 *' Well," I said, '' I should like an hour for it. 
 Don't you think you had better go without me ^ 
 I'll return by train. I know there's one in about 
 an hour's time." 
 
 '' Perhaps that would be best," said the Earl. 
 ** The Station is quite close." 
 
 So I was left to my own devices, and soon 
 found a comfortable seat, at the foot of a tree, 
 from which I had a good view of the ruins. 
 
 ** It is a very drowsy day,'' I said to myself, 
 idly turning over the leaves of the sketch-book 
 to find a blank page. *' Why, I thought you 
 were a mile off by this time ! " For, to my 
 surprise, the two walkers were back again. 
 
 " I came back to remind you," Arthur said, 
 ''that the trains go every ten minutes " 
 
 ''Nonsense!" I said. ''It isn't the Metro- 
 politan Railway ! " 
 
XVIII] QUEER STREET, NUMBER FORTY. 263 
 
 "It is the IVfetropolitan Railway," the Earl 
 insisted. '* This is a part of Kensington." 
 
 ** Why do you talk with your eyes shut ? " 
 said Arthur. *' Wake up ! " 
 
 " I think it's the heat makes me so drowsy," 
 I said, hoping, but not feeling quite sure, that 
 I was talking sense. " Am I awake now ? " 
 
 " I think noty' the Earl judicially pronounced. 
 "What do you think, Doctor? He's only got 
 one eye open ! " 
 
 " And he's snoring like anything ! " cried 
 Bruno. " Do wake up, you dear old thing ! " 
 And he and Sylvie set to work, rolling the 
 heavy head from side to side, as if its con- 
 nection with the shoulders was a matter of 
 no sort of importance. 
 
 And at last the Professor opened his eyes,, 
 and sat up, blinking at us with eyes of utter 
 bewilderment. " Would you have the kind- 
 ness to mention," he said, addressing me with 
 his usual old-fashioned courtesy, ** whereabouts 
 
 we are just now and who we are, beginning 
 
 with me ? " 
 
 I thought it best to begin with the children. 
 '* This is Sylvie. Sir ; and this is Bruno." 
 
264 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 *' Ah, yes ! I know them well enough ! " 
 the old man murmured. " It's myself I'm 
 most anxious about. And perhaps you'll be 
 good enough to mention, at the same time, 
 how I got here ? " 
 
 **A harder problem occurs to me!' I ven- 
 tured to say : '' and that is, how you're to get 
 back again." 
 
 '' True, true ! " the Professor replied. '' That's 
 the Problem, no doubt. Viewed as a Problem, 
 outside of oneself, it is a most interesting one. 
 Viewed as a portion of one's own biography, 
 it is, I must admit, very distressing!'' He 
 groaned, but instantly added, with a chuckle, 
 " As to myself, I think you mentioned that I 
 am " 
 
 " Oo're the Professor ! " Bruno shouted in 
 his ear. *' Didn't oo know that ? Oo've 
 come from Outland I And it's ever so far 
 away from here ! " 
 
 The Professor leapt to his feet with the 
 agility of a boy. " Then there's no time to 
 lose ! " he exclaimed anxiously. " I'll just ask 
 this guileless peasant, with his brace of buckets 
 that contain (apparently) water, if he'll be so 
 
xviii] QUEER STREET, NUMBER FORTY. 265 
 
 kind as to direct us. Guileless peasant ! " he 
 proceeded in a louder voice. *' Would you tell 
 us the way to Outland ? " 
 
 The guileless peasant turned with a sheepish 
 grin. ** Hey ? " was all he said. 
 
 " The way to Outland ! " the Pro- 
 fessor repeated. 
 
 The guileless peasant set down his buckets 
 and considered. " Ah dunnot " 
 
 " I ought to mention," the Professor hastily 
 put in, " that whatever you say will be used in 
 evidence against you." 
 
 The guileless peasant instantly resumed his 
 buckets. " Then ah says nowt ! " he answered 
 briskly, and walked away at a great pace. 
 
 The children gazed sadly at the rapidly 
 vanishing figure. ** He goes very quick ! " the 
 Professor said with a sigh. " But I know that 
 was the right thing to say. I've studied your 
 English Laws. However, let's ask this next 
 man that's coming. He is not guileless, and 
 
 he is not a peasant but I don't know that 
 
 either point is of vital importance." 
 
 It was, in fact, the Honourable Eric Lindon, 
 who had apparently fulfilled his task of escort- 
 
266 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 ing Lady Muriel home, and was now strolling 
 leisurely up and down the road outside the 
 house, enjoying a solitary cigar. 
 
 *' Might I trouble you, Sir, to tell us the 
 nearest way to Outland ! " Oddity as he was, 
 In outward appearance, the Professor was, in 
 that essential nature which no outward disguise 
 could conceal, a thorough gentleman. 
 
 And, as such, Eric LIndon accepted him in- 
 stantly. He took the cigar from his mouth, 
 and delicately shook off the ash, while he con- 
 sidered. " The name sounds strange to me,'* 
 he said. " I doubt If I can help you." 
 
 '^ It is not very far from Fairyland,'' the 
 Professor suggested. 
 
 Eric Lindon's eye-brows were slightly raised 
 at these words, and an amused smile, which he 
 courteously tried to repress, flitted across his 
 handsome face. *' A trifle cracked!'' he mut- 
 tered to himself. '* But what a jolly old 
 patriarch it Is ! " Then he turned to the 
 children. " And ca'n't you help him, little 
 folk ? " he said, with a gentleness of tone 
 that seemed to win their hearts at once. 
 " Surely you know all about it ? 
 
XVIII] QUEER STREET, NUMBER FORTY. 267 
 
 * How many miles to Babylon ? 
 Three-score miles and ten. 
 Can I get there by candlelight ? 
 Ves, and back again I ' " 
 
 To my surprise, Bruno ran forwards to him, 
 as if he were some old friend of theirs, seized 
 the disengaged hand and hung on to it with 
 both of his own : and there stood this tall 
 dignified officer in the middle of the road, 
 gravely swinging a little boy to and fro, while 
 Sylvie stood ready to push him, exactly as if 
 a real swing had suddenly been provided for 
 their pastime. 
 
 '* We don't want to get to Babylon, 00 know ! " 
 Bruno explained as he swung. 
 
 "And it isn't candlelight: it's daylight I'"* 
 Sylvie added, giving the swing a push of extra 
 vigour, which nearly took the whole machine 
 off its balance. 
 
 By this time it was clear to me that Eric 
 Lindon was quite unconscious of my presence. 
 Even the Professor and the children seemed to 
 have lost sight of me : and I stood in the midst 
 of the group, as unconcernedly as a ghost, 
 seeing but unseen. 
 
268 
 
 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 '* How perfectly isochronous ! " the Professor 
 exclaimed with enthusiasm. He had his watch 
 in his hand, and was carefully counting Bruno's 
 oscillations. " He measures time quite as ac- 
 curately as a pendulum ! " 
 
 ** Yet even pendulums," the good-natured 
 young soldier observed, as he carefully released 
 his hand from Bruno's grasp, ''are not ajoy^^r 
 evert Come, that's enough for one bout, little 
 man ! Next time we meet, you shall have 
 
xviii] QUEER STREET, NUMBER FORTY. 269 
 
 another. Meanwhile you'd better take this 
 old gentleman to Queer Street, Number " 
 
 *' We II find it !" cried Bruno eagerly, as they 
 dragged the Professor away. 
 
 " We are much indebted to you ! " the Pro- 
 fessor said, looking over his shoulder. 
 
 ** Don't mention it ! " replied the officer, 
 raising his hat as a parting salute. 
 
 *' What number did you say!" the Professor 
 called from the distance. 
 
 The officer made a trumpet of his two hands. 
 ** Forty!" he shouted in stentorian tones. **And 
 not piano, by any means ! " he added to him- 
 self. " It's a mad world, my masters, a mad 
 world ! " He lit another cigar, and strolled 
 on towards his hotel. 
 
 "What a lovely evening 1 " I said, joining 
 him as he passed me. 
 
 ** Lovely indeed," he said. " Where did you 
 come from ? Dropped from the clouds ? " 
 
 ** rnn strolling your way," I said ; and no 
 further explanation seemed necessary. 
 
 " Have a cigar ? " 
 
 " Thanks : I'm not a smoker." 
 
 " Is there a Lunatic Asylum near here ?" 
 
270 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 " Not that I know of." 
 
 " Thought there might be. Met a lunatic 
 just now. Queer old fish as ever I saw ! " 
 
 And so, in friendly chat, we took our home- 
 ward ways, and wished each other * good-night ' 
 at the door of his hotel. 
 
 Left to myself, I felt the ' eerie ' feeling rush 
 over me again, and saw, standing at the door 
 of Number Forty, the three figures I knew 
 so well. 
 
 '* Then it's the wrong house ? " Bruno was 
 saying. 
 
 ''No, no! It's the right house'' the Pro- 
 fessor cheerfully replied : *' but it's the wrong 
 street, Thafs where we've made our mistake ! 
 Our best plan, now, will be to " 
 
 It was over. The street was empty, Com- 
 monplace life was around me, and the * eerie ' 
 feeling had fled. 
 
CHAPTER XIX. 
 
 HOW TO MAKE A PHLIZZ. 
 
 The week passed without any further com- 
 munication with the * Hall,' as Arthur was 
 evidently fearful that we might * wear out our 
 welcome ' ; but when, on Sunday morning, we 
 were setting out for church, I gladly agreed 
 to his proposal to go round and enquire after 
 the Earl, who was said to be unwell. 
 
 Eric, who was strolling in the garden, gave 
 us a good report of the invalid, who was still 
 in bed, with Lady Muriel in attendance. 
 
 ** Are you coming with us to church.**" I 
 enquired. 
 
272 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 '' Thanks, no," he courteously replied. " It's 
 
 not exactly In my line, you know. It's an 
 
 excellent Institution for the poor. When 
 
 I'm with my own folk, I go, just to set them 
 an example. But I'm not known here : so I 
 think I'll excuse myself sitting out a sermon. 
 Country-preachers are always so dull ! " 
 
 Arthur was silent till we were out of hearing. 
 Then he said to himself, almost inaudlbly, 
 *' Where two or three are gathered together in 
 my name, there am I in the midst of them!' 
 
 "Yes," I assented: *' no doubt that is the 
 principle on which church-going rests." 
 
 ''And when he does go," he continued (our 
 thoughts ran so much together, that our con- 
 versation was often sll^tly elliptical), '' I sup- 
 pose he repeats the words ' I believe in the 
 Communion of Saints ' P " 
 
 But by this time we had reached the little 
 church, into which a goodly stream of wor- 
 shipers, consisting mainly of fishermen and 
 their families, was flowing. 
 
 The service would have been pronounced by 
 
 any modern aesthetic religionist or religious 
 
 aesthete, which is It ? to be crude and cold : 
 
XIX] HOW TO MAKE A PHLIZZ. 273 
 
 to me, coming fresh from the ever-advancing 
 developments of a London church under a 
 soi-disant * Catholic ' Rector, It was unspeak- 
 ably refreshing. 
 
 There was no theatrical procession of demure 
 little choristers, trying their best not to simper 
 under the admiring gaze of the congregation : 
 the people's share in the service was taken by 
 the people themselves, unaided, except that a 
 few good voices, judiciously posted here and 
 there among them, kept the singing from going 
 too far astray. 
 
 There was no murdering of the noble music, 
 contained in the Bible and the Liturgy, by its 
 recital in a dead monotone, with no more ex- 
 pression than a mechanical talking- doll. 
 
 No, the prayers ^^x^ prayed, the lessons were 
 
 read, and best of all the sermon was talked; 
 
 and I found myself repeating, as we left the 
 church, the words of Jacob, when he ' awaked 
 out of his sleep' '* * Surely the Lord is in this 
 place I This is none other but the house of God^ 
 and this is the gate of heaven.' " 
 
 '* Yes," said Arthur, apparently in answer to 
 my thoughts, " those * high ' services are fast 
 
 T 
 
274 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 becoming pure Formalism. More and more the 
 people are beginning to regard them as ' per- 
 formances,' in which they only ' assist ' in the 
 French sense. And it is specially bad for the 
 little boys. They'd be much less self-conscious 
 as pantomime-fairies. With all that dressing- 
 up, and stagy-entrances and exits, and being 
 always en evidence^ no wonder if they're eaten 
 up with vanity, the blatant little coxcombs ! " 
 
 When we passed the Hall on our return, we 
 found the Earl and Lady Muriel sitting out in 
 the garden. Eric had gone for a stroll. 
 
 We joined them, and the conversation soon 
 turned on the sermon we had just heard, the 
 subject of which was ' selfishness.' 
 
 '* What a change has come over our pulpits," 
 Arthur remarked, '' since the time when Paley 
 gave that utterly selfish definition of virtue, ' the 
 doing good to mankind, in obedience to the will of 
 God, and for the sake of everlasting happiness' I '^ 
 
 Lady Muriel looked at him enquiringly, but 
 she seemed to have learned by intuition, what 
 years of experience had taught me, that the way 
 to elicit Arthur's deepest thoughts was neither 
 to assent nor dissent, but simply to listen. 
 
XIX] HOW TO MAKE A PHLIZZ. 275 
 
 " At that time," he went on, " a great tidal 
 wave of selfishness was sweeping over human 
 thought. Right and Wrong had somehow been 
 transformed into Gain and Loss, and Religion 
 had become a sort of commercial transaction. 
 We may be thankful that our preachers are 
 beginning to take a nobler view of life." 
 
 " But is it not taught again and again in the 
 Bible ? " I ventured to ask. 
 
 '' Not in the Bible as a whoUy' said Arthur. 
 "In the Old Testament, no doubt, rewards and 
 punishments are constantly appealed to as 
 motives for action. That teaching is best for 
 children^ and the Israelites seem to have been, 
 mentally, utter children. We guide our children 
 thus, at first : but we appeal, as soon as possible, 
 to their innate sense of Right and Wrong : and, 
 when that stage is safely past, we appeal to the 
 highest motive of all, the desire for likeness to, 
 and union with, the Supreme Good. I think 
 you will find that to be the teaching of the 
 Bible, as a whole, beginning with ' that thy days 
 may be long in the land,' and ending with ' be 
 ye perfect, even as your Father which is in 
 heaven is perfect! " 
 
 T 2 
 
276 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 We were silent for awhile, and then Arthur 
 went off on another tack. '* Look at the 
 literature of Hymns, now. How cankered it 
 is, through and through, with selfishness 1 
 There are few human compositions more utterly- 
 degraded than some modern Hymns ! " 
 
 I quoted the stanza 
 
 " Whatever^ Lord^ we lend to Thee, 
 Repaid a thousandfold shall be. 
 Then gladly will we give to Thee, 
 
 Giver of all ! " 
 
 '' Yes," he said grimly : '' that is the typical 
 stanza. And the very last charity-sermon I 
 heard was infected with it. After giving many 
 good reasons for charity, the preacher wound 
 up with ' and, for all yoti give, you will be 
 repaid a thousandfold ! ' Oh the utter mean- 
 ness of such a motive, to be put before men 
 who do know what self-sacrifice is, who can 
 appreciate generosity and heroism ! Talk of 
 Original Sin I " he went on with increasing 
 bitterness. " Can you have a stronger proof of 
 the Original Goodness there must be in this 
 nation, than the fact that Religion has been 
 
XIX] HOW TO MAKE A PHLIZZ. 277 
 
 preached to us, as a commercial speculation, for 
 a century, and that we still believe in a God ? " 
 
 "It couldn't have gone on so long," Lady 
 Muriel musingly remarked, '' if the Opposition 
 
 hadn't been practically silenced put under 
 
 what the French call la cloture. Surely in any 
 lecture-hall, or in private society, such teaching 
 would soon have been hooted down ? " 
 
 '* I trust so," said Arthur: ** and, though I 
 don't want to see * brawling in church* legalised, 
 I must say that our preachers enjoy an enormous 
 
 privilege which they ill deserve, and which 
 
 they misuse terribly. We put our man into 
 a pulpit, and we virtually tell him ' Now, you 
 may stand there and talk to us for half-an- 
 hour. We won't interrupt you by so much as 
 a word! You shall have it all your own 
 way ! ' And what does he give us in return ? 
 Shallow twaddle, that, if it were addressed to 
 you over a dinner-table, you would think ' Does 
 the man take me for a fool ? ' " 
 
 The return of Eric from his walk checked 
 the tide of Arthur's eloquence, and, after a 
 few minutes' talk on more conventional topics, 
 we took our leave. Lady Muriel walked with 
 
278 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 US to the gate. '* You have given me much to 
 think about," she said earnestly, as she gave 
 Arthur her hand. '' I'm so glad you came in ! " 
 And her words brought a real glow of pleasure 
 into that pale worn face of his. 
 
 On the Tuesday, as Arthur did not seem 
 equal to more walking, I took a long stroll 
 by myself, having stipulated that he was not 
 to give the wAok day to his books, but was to 
 meet me at the Hall at about tea-time. On 
 my way back, I passed the Station just as the 
 afternoon-train came in sight, and sauntered 
 down the stairs to see it come in. But there 
 was little to gratify my idle curiosity : and, 
 when the train was empty, and the platform 
 clear, I found it was about time to be moving 
 on, if I meant to reach the Hall by five. 
 
 As I approached the end of the platform, 
 from which a steep irregular wooden staircase 
 conducted to the upper world, I noticed two 
 passengers, who had evidently arrived by the 
 train, but who, oddly enough, had entirely 
 escaped my notice, though the arrivals had 
 been so few. They were a young woman and 
 a little girl : the former, so far as one could 
 
XIX] HOW TO MAKE A PHLIZZ. 279 
 
 judge by appearances, was a nursemaid, or 
 possibly a nursery-governess, in attendance on 
 the child, whose refined face, even more than 
 her dress, distinguished her as of a higher class 
 than her companion. 
 
 The child's face was refined, but it was also 
 a worn and sad one, and told a tale (or so I 
 seemed to read it) of much illness and suffer- 
 ing, sweetly and patiently borne. She had a 
 little crutch to help herself along with : and 
 she was now standing, looking wistfully up 
 the long staircase, and apparently waiting 
 till she could muster courage to begin the 
 toilsome ascent. 
 
 There are some things one says in life as 
 
 well as things one does which come auto- 
 matically, by reflex action, as the physiologists 
 say (meaning, no doubt, action without reflec- 
 tion, just as lucus is said to be derived ' a non 
 lucendo'). Closing one's eyelids, when some- 
 thing seems to be flying into the eye, is one of 
 those actions, and saying " May I carry the 
 little girl up the stairs } " was another. It 
 wasn't that any thought of offering help 
 occurred to me, and that then I spoke : the 
 
28o 
 
 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 first intimation I 
 had, of being likely 
 to make that offer, 
 was the sound of 
 my own voice, and 
 the discovery that 
 the offer had been 
 made. The servant 
 paused, doubtfully 
 glancing from her 
 charge to me, and 
 then back again to 
 the child. '^ Would 
 you like it, dear ? " 
 she asked her. But 
 no such doubt ap- 
 peared to cross the child's mind : she lifted 
 her arms eagerly to be taken up. " Please ! " 
 was all she said, while a faint smile flickered 
 on the weary little face. I took her up with 
 scrupulous care, and her little arm was at once 
 clasped trustfully round my neck. 
 
 She was a very light weight so light, 
 
 in fact, that the ridiculous idea crossed my 
 mind that it was rather easier going up, with 
 
XIX] HOW TO MAKE A PHLIZZ. a8x 
 
 her in my arms, than it would have been with- 
 out her : and, when we reached the road above, 
 with its cart-ruts and loose stones all formid- 
 able obstacles for a lame child 1 found that I 
 
 had said " Td better carry her over this rough 
 place," before I had formed any mental con- 
 nection between its roughness and my gentle 
 little burden. ** Indeed it's troubling you too 
 much, Sir ! " the maid exclaimed. ** She can 
 walk very well on the flat." But the arm, that 
 was twined about my neck, clung just an atom 
 more closely at the suggestion, and decided me 
 to say " She's no weight, really. I'll carry her 
 a little further. I'm going your way." 
 
 The nurse raised no further objection : and 
 the next speaker was a ragged little boy, with 
 bare feet, and a broom over his shoulder, who 
 ran across the road, and pretended to sweep 
 the perfectly dry road in front of us. " Give 
 us a 'ap'ny ! " the little urchin pleaded, with 
 a broad grin on his dirty face. 
 
 ** Dont give him a 'ap'ny ! " said the little 
 lady in my arms. The words sounded harsh : 
 but the tone was gentleness itself " He's an 
 idle little boy ! " And she laughed a laugh of 
 
283 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 such silvery sweetness as I had never yet heard 
 from any lips but Sylvie's. To my astonish- 
 ment, the boy actually joined in the laugh, as 
 if there were some subtle sympathy between 
 them, as he ran away down the road and 
 vanished through a gap in the hedge. 
 
 But he was back in a few moments, having 
 discarded his broom and provided himself, 
 from some mysterious source, with an exqui- 
 site bouquet of flowers. " Buy a posy, buy a 
 posy ! Only a 'ap'ny ! " he chanted, with the 
 melancholy drawl of a professional beggar. 
 
 '' Don t huy it ! " was Her Majesty's edict 
 as she looked down, with a lofty scorn that 
 seemed curiously mixed with tender interest, 
 on the ragged creature at her feet. 
 
 But this time I turned rebel, and ignored 
 the royal commands. Such lovely flowers, and 
 of forms so entirely new to me, were not to 
 be abandoned at the bidding of any little maid, 
 however imperious. I bought the bouquet : 
 and the little boy, after popping the halfpenny 
 into his mouth, turned head-over-heels, as if 
 to ascertain whether the human mouth is really 
 adapted to serve as a money-box. 
 
xixj HOW TO MAKE A PHLIZZ. 283 
 
 With wonder, that increased every moment, 
 I turned over the flowers, and examined them 
 one by one : there was not a single one among 
 them that I could remember having ever seen 
 before. At last I turned to the nursemaid. 
 ** Do these flowers grow wild about here ? I 
 
 never saw " but the speech died away on 
 
 my lips. The nursemaid had vanished ! 
 
 *' You can put me down, now, if you like," 
 Sylvie quietly remarked. 
 
 I obeyed in silence, and could only ask my- 
 self ** Is this a dream ? ", on finding Sylvie and 
 Bruno walking one on either side of me, and 
 clinging to my hands with the ready confidence 
 of childhood. 
 
 "You're larger than when I saw you last!" 
 I began. ** Really I think we ought to be 
 introduced again! There's so much of you 
 that I never met before, you know." 
 
 " Very well ! " Sylvie merrily replied. ** This 
 is Bruno. It doesn't take long. He's only 
 got one name ! " 
 
 " There's another name to me ! " Bruno pro- 
 tested, with a reproachful look at the Mistress 
 of the Ceremonies. ** And it's ' Esquire ' / " 
 
284 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 " Oh, of course. I forgot," said Sylvie. 
 " Bruno Esquire ! " 
 
 " And did you come here to meet me^ my 
 children ? " I enquired. 
 
 *' You know I said we'd come on Tuesday," 
 Sylvie explained. ** Are we the proper size 
 for common children ? " 
 
 " Quite the right size for children'' I replied, 
 (adding mentally " though not common children, 
 by any means ! ") "■ But what became of the 
 nursemaid ? " 
 
 '' It are gone ! " Bruno solemnly replied. 
 
 " Then it wasn't solid, like Sylvie and you ? " 
 
 '' No. Oo couldn't touch it, oo know. If 
 oo walked at it, oo'd go right froo ! " 
 
 *' I quite expected you'd find it out, once," 
 said Sylvie. " Bruno ran it against a tele- 
 graph post, by accident. And it went in two 
 halves. But you were looking the other way." 
 
 I felt that I had indeed missed an opportu- 
 nity : to witness such an event as a nursemaid 
 going * in two halves ' does not occur twice 
 in a life-time ! 
 
 " When did oo guess it were Sylvie ? " Bruno 
 enquired. 
 
xix] 
 
 HOW TO MAKE A PHLIZZ. 
 
 285 
 
 " I didn't guess it, till it was Sylvie," I said. 
 ** But how did you manage the nursemaid ? " 
 
 ''Bruno managed it," said Sylvie. "It's 
 called a Phlizz." 
 
 •' And how do you make a Phlizz, Bruno ? " 
 
 " The Professor teached me how," said Bruno. 
 " First 00 takes a lot of air " 
 
286 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 " Oh, Bruno ! " Sylvle interposed. '' The Pro- 
 fessor said you weren't to tell ! " 
 
 '* But who did her voice?'' I asked. 
 
 ** Indeed it's troubling you too much, Sir! 
 She can walk very well on the flat." 
 
 Bruno laughed merrily as I turned hastily 
 from side to side, looking in all directions for 
 the speaker. " That were me T' he gleefully 
 proclaimed, in his own voice. 
 
 '' She can indeed walk very well on the flat," 
 I said. ''And I think /was the Flat." 
 
 By this time we were near the Hall. "This 
 is where my friends live," I said. " Will you 
 come in and have some tea with them ? " 
 
 Bruno gave a little jump of joy : and Sylvie 
 said *' Yes, please. You'd like some tea, Bruno, 
 wouldn't you ? He hasn't tasted tea'' she ex- 
 plained to me, '' since we left Outland." 
 
 '* And that weren't good tea ! " said Bruno. 
 "It were so welly weak ! " 
 
CHAPTER XX. 
 
 LIGHT COME, LIGHT GO. 
 
 Lady Muriel's smile of welcome could not 
 quite conceal the look of surprise with which 
 she regarded my new companions. 
 
 I presented them in due form. " This is 
 Sylvie, Lady Muriel. And this is Bruno.'' 
 
 "Any surname?" she enquired, her eyes 
 twinkling with fun. 
 
 " No," I said gravely. ** No surname." 
 
 She laughed, evidently thinking I said it 
 
 in fun ; and stooped to kiss the children 
 
 a salute to which Bruno submitted with reluc- 
 tance : Sylvie returned it with interest. 
 
288 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 While she and Arthur (who had arrived be- 
 fore me) suppHed the children with tea and 
 cake, I tried to engage the Earl in conversa- 
 tion : but he was restless and distrait, and we 
 made little progress. At last, by a sudden 
 question, he betrayed the cause of his disquiet. 
 
 '' Would you let me look at those flowers you 
 have in your hand ? " 
 
 *' Willingly ! " I said, handing him the bou- 
 quet. Botany was, I knew, a favourite study of 
 his : and these flowers were to me so entirely 
 new and mysterious, that I was really curious 
 to see what a botanist would say of them. 
 
 They did not diminish his disquiet. On the 
 contrary, he became every moment more ex- 
 cited as he turned them over. " These are all 
 from Central India!" he said, laying aside part 
 of the bouquet. *' They are rare, even there : 
 and I have never seen them in any other part 
 
 of the world. These two are Mexican This 
 
 one " (He rose hastily, and carried it to the 
 
 window, to examine it in a better light, the 
 flush of excitement mounting to his very fore- 
 head) ** is, I am nearly sure but I have 
 
 a book of Indian Botany here " He took a 
 
XX] LIGHT COME, LIGHT GO. 2^9 
 
 volume from the book-shelves, and turned the 
 leaves with trembling fingers. " Yes ! Com- 
 pare it with this picture ! It is the exact 
 duplicate ! This is the flower of the Upas- 
 tree, which usually grows only in the depths 
 of forests ; and the flower fades so quickly 
 after being plucked, that it is scarcely possible 
 to keep its form or colour even so far as the 
 outskirts of the forest ! Yet this is in full 
 bloom ! Where did you get these flowers ? " 
 he added with breathless eagerness. 
 
 I glanced at Sylvie, who, gravely and silently, 
 laid her finger on her lips, then beckoned to 
 Bruno to follow her, and ran out into the 
 garden ; and I found myself in the position of 
 a defendant whose two most important wit- 
 nesses have been suddenly taken away. '* Let 
 me give you the flowers ! " I stammered out 
 at last, quite ' at my wit's end ' as to how to 
 get out of the difficulty. *' You know much 
 more about them than I do ! " 
 
 ** I accept them most gratefully ! But you 
 have not yet told me " the Earl was begin- 
 ning, when we were interrupted, to my great 
 relief, by the arrival of Eric Lindon. 
 
 U 
 
590 SVLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 To Arthur, however, the new-comer was, I 
 saw clearly, anything but welcome. His face 
 clouded over : he drew a little back from the 
 circle, and took no further part in the conversa- 
 tion, which was wholly maintained, for some 
 minutes, by Lady Muriel and her lively cousin, 
 who were discussing some new music that had 
 just arrived from London. 
 
 '* Do just try this one ! " he pleaded. *' The 
 music looks easy to sing at sight, and the 
 songs quite appropriate to the occasion." 
 
 ** Then I suppose it's ^ 
 
 ' Five d clock tea ! 
 Ever to thee 
 Faithful ril be, 
 Five d clock tea .^ ' " 
 
 laughed Lady Muriel, as she sat down to the 
 piano, and lightly struck a few random chords. 
 
 " Not quite: and yet it is a kind of 'ever 
 to thee faithful I'll be ! ' It's a pair of hapless 
 lovers : he crosses the briny deep : and she 
 is left lamenting." 
 
 ' ' That is hideed appropriate ! " she replied 
 mockingly, as he placed the song before her. 
 
XX] LIGHT COME, LIGHT GO. 291 
 
 " And am / to do the lamenting ? And who 
 for, If you please ? " 
 
 She played the air once or twice through, 
 first in quick, and finally in slow, time ; and 
 then gave us the whole song with as much 
 graceful ease as if she had been familiar with 
 it all her life : — 
 
 " He stept so lightly to the land. 
 
 All in his manly pride : 
 He kissed her cheek, he pressed her hand, 
 
 Yet still she glanced aside. 
 ' Too gay he seems! she darkly dreams, 
 
 ' Too gallant and too gay 
 To thiftk of me — poor simple me 
 
 When he is far away ! ' 
 
 * / bring my Love this goodly pearl 
 
 Across the seas', he said : 
 
 * A gem to deck the dearest girl 
 
 That ever sailor wed ! ' 
 She clasps it tight : her eyjs are bright : 
 Her throbbing heart would say 
 
 * He thought of me he thought of me^ 
 
 W/ien he was far away ! * 
 
 U 2 
 
292 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 The ship has sailed into thj West : 
 
 Her ocean-bird is flown : 
 A dull dead pain is in her breasty 
 
 A ?id she is weak and lone : 
 Yet there's a smile upon her face ^ 
 
 A smile that seems to say 
 ' Hell think of me Jwll think of me- 
 
 When Jie is far away ! 
 
 ' Though zvaters wide between us glide ^ 
 Our lives are warm and near : 
 
 No distance parts two faithftd hearts- 
 Two Jiearts' that love so dear : 
 
 And I will trust my sailor-lad, 
 For ever and a day^ 
 
 To think of me to think of me 
 
 When he is far away / ' " 
 
 The look of displeasure, which had begun 
 to come over Arthur's face when the young 
 Captain spoke of Love so lightly, faded away 
 as the song proceeded, and he listened with 
 evident delight. But his face darkened again 
 when Eric demurely remarked "- Don't you 
 think ' my soldier-\2A ' would have fitted the 
 tune just as well !" 
 
XX] LIGHT COME, LIGHT GO. 293 
 
 '* Why, SO it would ! " Lady Muriel gaily 
 retorted. '* Soldiers, sailors, tinkers, tailors, 
 what a lot of words would fit in ! I think 
 * my ^in^erAdid ' sounds best. Don't you ? " 
 
 To spare my friend further pain, I rose to 
 go, just as the Earl was beginning to repeat 
 his particularly embarrassing question about 
 the flowers. 
 
 " You have not yet " 
 
 ** Yes, I've had some tea, thank you ! " I 
 hastily interrupted him. ** And now we really 
 7mist be going. Good evening. Lady Muriel ! " 
 And we made our adieux, and escaped, while 
 the Earl was still absorbed in examining the 
 mysterious bouquet. 
 
 Lady Muriel accompanied us to the door. 
 " You couldnt have given my father a more 
 acceptable present!" she said, warmly. "He 
 is so passionately fond of Botany. I'm afraid 
 / know nothing of the theory of it, but I keep 
 his Hortus Siccus in order. I must get some 
 sheets of blotting-paper, and dry these new 
 treasures for him before they fade." 
 
 '* That won't be no good at all ! " said Bruno, 
 who was waiting for us in the garden. 
 
294 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 '' Why won^t it ? " said I. *' You know I had 
 to give the flowers, to stop questions." 
 
 " Yes, it ca n't be helped," said Sylvie : " but 
 they will be sorry when they find them gone ! " 
 
 '' But how will they go .^" 
 
 " Well, I don't know how. But they will go. 
 The nosegay was only a Phlizz, you know. 
 Bruno made it up." 
 
 These last words were in a whisper, as she 
 evidently did not wish Arthur to hear. But of 
 this there seemed to be little risk : he hardly 
 seemed to notice the children, but paced on, 
 silent and abstracted ; and when, at the entrance 
 to the wood, they bid us a hasty farewell and 
 ran off, he seemed to wake out of a day-dream. 
 
 The bouquet vanished, as Sylvie had pre- 
 dicted ; and when, a day or two afterwards, 
 Arthur and I once more visited the Hall, we 
 found the Earl and his daughter, with the old 
 housekeeper, out in the garden, examining the 
 fastenings of the drawing-room window. 
 
 '' We are holding an Inquest," Lady Muriel 
 said, advancing to meet us: "and we admit 
 you, as Accessories before the Fact, to tell us 
 all you know about those flowers." 
 
XX] LIGHT COME, LIGHT GO. 295 
 
 " The Accessories before the Fact decline to 
 answer any questions," I gravely replied. " And 
 they reserve their defence." 
 
 " Well then, turn Queen's Evidence, please ! 
 The flowers have disappeared in the night," 
 she went on, turning to Arthur, "and we are 
 quite sure no one in the house has meddled 
 with them. Somebody must have entered by 
 the window " 
 
 '* But the fastenings have not been tampered 
 with," said the Earl. 
 
 "It must have been while you were dining, 
 my Lady," said the housekeeper. 
 
 •* That was it," said the Earl. '* The thief 
 must have seen you bring the flowers," turning 
 to me, " and have noticed that you did not 
 take them away. And he must have known 
 
 their great value they are ^\vcv^\y priceless!'' 
 
 he exclaimed, in sudden excitement. 
 
 '* And you never told us how you got them ! " 
 said Lady Muriel. 
 
 " Some day," I stammered, *' I may be free 
 to tell you. Just now, would you excuse me .'^" 
 
 The Earl looked disappointed, but kindly 
 said ** Very well, we will ask no questions." 
 
296 
 
 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
XX] LIGHT COME, LIGHT GO. 297 
 
 " But we consider you a very bad Queen's 
 Evidence," Lady Muriel added playfully, as 
 we entered the arbour. " We pronounce you 
 to be an accomplice : and we sentence you to 
 solitary confinement, and to be fed on bread 
 and butter. Do you take sugar '^. " 
 
 '* It is disquieting, certainly," she resumed, 
 when all ' creature-comforts ' had been duly 
 supplied, " to find that the house has been 
 
 entered by a thief in this out-of-the-way 
 
 place. If only the fiowers had been eatables, 
 one might have suspected a thief of quite 
 another shape " 
 
 " You mean that universal explanation for all 
 mysterious disappearances, * the cat did it ' '^. " 
 said Arthur. 
 
 **Yes," she replied. '*What a convenient 
 thing it would be if all thieves had the same 
 shape! It's so confusing to have some of 
 them quadrupeds and others bipeds ! " 
 
 "It has occurred to me," said Arthur, "as 
 
 a curious problem in Teleology the Science 
 
 of Final Causes," he added, in answer to an 
 enquiring look from Lady Muriel. 
 
 "And a Final Cause is .'*" 
 
298 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 '* Well, suppose we say the last of a series 
 
 of connected events each of the series being 
 
 the cause of the next for whose sake the first 
 
 event takes place." 
 
 '' But the last event is practically an effect of 
 the first, isn't it ? And yet you call it a cause 
 of it!" 
 
 Arthur pondered a moment. '* The words 
 
 are rather confusing, I grant you," he said. 
 
 'Will this do? The last event is an effect 
 
 of the first : but the necessity for that event is 
 
 a cause of the necessity for the first." 
 
 ** That seems clear enough," said Lady 
 •Muriel. " Now let us have the problem." 
 
 " It's merely this. What object can we 
 imagine in the arrangement by which each 
 different size (roughly speaking) of Jiving crea- 
 tures has its special shape ? For instance, the 
 human race has one kind of shape—bipeds. 
 Another set, ranging from the lion to the mouse, 
 are quadrupeds. Go down a step or two 
 further, and you come to insects with six legs 
 
 hexapods a beautiful name, is it not ? 
 
 But beauty, in our sense of the word, seems to 
 diminish as we go down : the creature becomes 
 
XX] LIGHT COME, LIGHT GO. 299 
 
 more 1 won't say 'ugly' of any of God's 
 
 creatures more uncouth. And, when we take 
 
 the microscope, and go a few steps lower still, 
 we come upon animalculae, terribly uncouth, 
 and with a terrible number of legs ! " 
 
 '* The other alternative," said the Earl, 
 "would be a diminuendo series of repetitions 
 of the same type. Never mind the monotony 
 of it : let's see how it would work in other 
 ways. Begin with the race of men, and the 
 creatures they require : let us say horses, cattle, 
 
 sheep, and dogs we don't exactly require 
 
 frogs and spiders, do we, Muriel ? " 
 
 Lady Muriel shuddered perceptibly : it was 
 evidently a painful subject. " We can dispense 
 with them!' she said gravely. 
 
 " Well, then we'll have a second race of men, 
 half-a-yard high " 
 
 " who would have one source of exqui- 
 
 site enjoyment, not possessed by ordinary 
 men ! " Arthur interrupted. 
 
 " What source ^. " said the Earl. 
 
 " Why, the grandeur of scenery ! Surely 
 the grandeur of a mountain, to me, depends 
 on its size, relative to me ? Double the height 
 
300 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 of the mountain, and of course it's twice as 
 grand. Halve my height, and you produce 
 the same effect." 
 
 " Happy, happy, happy Small ! " Lady Muriel 
 murmured rapturously. " None but the Short, 
 none but the Short, none but the Short enjoy 
 the Tall ! " - 
 
 " But let me go on," said the Earl. " We'll 
 have a third race of men, five inches high ; a 
 fourth race, an inch high " 
 
 '' They couldn't eat common beef and mutton, 
 I'm sure ! " Lady Muriel interrupted. 
 
 ^* True, my child, I was forgetting. Each 
 set must have its own cattle and sheep." 
 
 " And its own vegetation," I added. " What 
 could a cow, an inch high, do with grass that 
 waved far above its head ? " 
 
 '* That is true. We must have a pasture 
 within a pasture, so to speak. The common 
 grass would serve our inch-high cows as a 
 green forest of palms, while round the root of 
 each tall stem would stretch a tiny carpet of 
 microscopic grass. Yes, I think our scheme 
 will work fairly well. And it would be very 
 interesting, coming into contact with the races 
 
XX] LIGHT COME, LIGHT GO. 30I 
 
 below US. What sweet little things the inch- 
 high bull-dogs would be! I doubt if even 
 Muriel would run away from one of them ! " 
 
 " Don't you think we ought to have a 
 crescendo series, as well ?" said Lady Muriel. 
 "Only fancy being a hundred yards high! 
 One could use an elephant as a paper-weight, 
 and a crocodile as a pair of scissors I " 
 
 " And would you have races of different sizes 
 communicate with one another ? " I enquired. 
 "Would they make war on one another, for 
 instance, or enter into treaties ? " 
 
 " War we must exclude, I think. When you 
 could crush a whole nation with one blow of 
 your fist, you couldn't conduct war on equal 
 terms. But anything, involving a collision of 
 minds only, would be possible in our ideal 
 
 world for of course we must allow tnental 
 
 powers to all, irrespective of size. Perhaps 
 the fairest rule would be that, the smaller 
 the race, the greater should be its intellectual 
 development ! " 
 
 " Do you mean to say," said Lady Muriel, 
 " that these manikins of an inch high are to 
 argue with me ? " 
 
302 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 ''Surely, surely!" said the Earl. ''An ar- 
 gument doesn't depend for Its logical force on 
 the size of the creature that utters it ! " 
 
 She tossed her head indignantly. '* I would 
 not argue with any man less than six inches 
 high ! " she cried. "I'd make him work ! " 
 
 " What at ? '' said Arthur, listening to all 
 this nonsense with an amused smile. 
 
 ''Embroidery !'' she readily replied. "What 
 lovely embroidery they would do ! " 
 • "Yet, if they did it wrong," I said, "you 
 couldn't argue the question. I don't know 
 why : but I agree that it couldn't be done." 
 
 "The reason is," said Lady Muriel, "one 
 couldn't sacrifice one's dignity so far." 
 
 " Of course one couldn't ! " echoed Arthur. 
 " Any more than one could argue with a potato. 
 
 It would be altogether excuse the ancient 
 
 pun infra dig. I " 
 
 " I doubt it," said I. " Even a pun doesn't 
 quite convince me." 
 
 *' Well, if that is not the reason," said Lady 
 Muriel, "what reason would you give ?" 
 
 I tried hard to understand the meaning of 
 thi.; question : but the persistent humming of 
 
Xx] LIGHT COME, LIGHT GO. 303 
 
 the bees confused me, and there was a drowsi- 
 ness in the air that made every thought stop 
 and go to sleep before it had got well thought 
 out: so all I could say was "That must de- 
 pend on the weight of the potato." 
 
 I felt the remark was not so sensible as I 
 should have liked it to be. But Lady Muriel 
 seemed to take it quite as a matter of course. 
 
 "In that case " she began, but suddenly 
 
 started, and turned away to listen. " Don't 
 you hear him ? " she said. '' He's crying. We 
 must go to him, somehow." 
 
 And I said to myself " That's very strange ! 
 I quite thought it was Lady Muriel talking to 
 me. Why, it's Sylvie all the while ! " And I 
 made another great effort to say something 
 that should have some meaning in it. "Is it 
 about the potato } " 
 
CHAPTER XXI. 
 
 THROUGH THE IVORY DOOR. 
 
 " I don't know," said Sylvie. '' Hush ! I 
 must think. I could go to him, by myself, well 
 enough. But I W3,nt you to come too." 
 
 '' Let me go with you," I pleaded. '' I can 
 walk as fast rs you can, I'm sure." 
 
 Sylvie laughed merrily. " What nonsense ! " 
 she cried. " Why, you ca'n't walk a bit ! You're 
 lying quite flat on your back ! You don't 
 understand these things." 
 
 " I can walk as well as you can," I repeated. 
 And I tried my best to walk a few steps : but 
 the ground slipped away backwards, quite as 
 
XXI] THROUGH THE IVORY DOOR. 305 
 
 fast as I could walk, so that I made no progress 
 at all. Sylvie laughed again. 
 
 " There, I told you so ! You've no idea how 
 funny you look, moving your feet about in the 
 air, as if you were walking! Wait a bit. I'll 
 ask the Professor what we'd better do." And 
 she knocked at his study-door. 
 
 The tloor opened, and the Professor looked 
 out. ** What's that crying I heard just now?" 
 he asked. '* Is it a human animal V 
 
 '* It's a boy," Sylvie said. 
 
 ** Tm afraid you've been teasing him } " 
 
 "No, indeed I haven't!" Sylvie said, very 
 earnestly. " I never tease him ! " 
 
 " Well, I must ask the Other Professor 
 about it." He went back into the study, and 
 we heard him whispering " small human ani- 
 mal says she hasn't been teasing him the 
 
 kind that's called Boy " 
 
 ''Ask her which Boy," said a new voice. 
 The Professor came out again. 
 
 " Which Boy is it that you haven't been 
 teasing } " 
 
 Sylvie looked at me with twinkling eyes. 
 •* You dear old thing I " she exclaimed, stand- 
 
 X 
 
3o6 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 ing on tiptoe to kiss him, while he gravely 
 stooped to receive the salute. "How you do 
 puzzle me ! Why, there are several boys I 
 haven't been teasing ! " 
 
 The Professor returned to his friend : and 
 this time the voice said ''Tell her to bring 
 them here all of them ! " 
 
 ** I can't, and 1 won't ! " Sylvie exclaimed, the 
 moment he reappeared. '' It's Bruno that's 
 crying : and he's my brother : and, please, we 
 both want to go : he ca'n't walk, you know : 
 
 he's he's dreaming, you know " (this in a 
 
 whisper, for fear of hurting my feelings). *' Do 
 let's go through the Ivory Door ! " 
 
 '' I'll ask him," said the Professor, disappear- 
 ing again. He returned directly. " He says 
 you may. Follow me, and walk on tip-toe." 
 
 The difficulty with me would have been, just 
 then, not to walk on tip-toe. It seemed very 
 hard to reach down far enough to just touch 
 the floor, as Sylvie led me through the study. 
 
 The Professor went before us to unlock the 
 Ivory Door. I had just time to glance at the 
 Other Professor, who was sitting reading, with 
 his back to us, before the Professor showed us 
 
XX l] 
 
 THROUGH THE IVORY DOOR. 
 
 307 
 
 out through the door, and locked it behind us. 
 Bruno was standing with his hands over his 
 face, crying bitterly. 
 
 "What's the matter, darling?" said Sylvie, 
 with her arms round his neck. 
 
 " Hurted mine self welly much!*' sobbed 
 the poor little fellow. 
 
 X 2 
 
3o8 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 '* I'm SO sorry, darling! How ever did you 
 manage to hurt yourself so ? " 
 
 ** Course I managed it ! " said Bruno, laughing 
 through his tears. '' Doos oo think nobody else 
 but 00 ca'n't manage things ? " 
 
 Matters were looking distinctly brighter, 
 now Bruno had begun to argue. " Come, 
 let's hear all about it ! " I said. 
 
 "My foot took it into its head to slip " 
 
 Bruno began. 
 
 " A foot hasn't got a head ! " Sylvie put in, 
 but all in vain. 
 
 " I slipted down the bank. And I tripted 
 over a stone. And the stone hurted my foot ! 
 And I trod on a Bee. And the Bee stinged 
 my finger ! " Poor Bruno sobbed again. The 
 complete list of woes was too much for his 
 feelings. '* And it knewed I didn't mean to 
 trod on it ! " he added, as the climax. 
 
 "That Bee should be ashamed of itself!" 
 I said severely, and Sylvie hugged and kissed 
 the wounded hero till all tears were dried. 
 
 '* My finger's quite unstung now ! " said 
 Bruno. " Why doos there be stones ? Mister 
 Sir, doos oo know ? " 
 
XXI] THROUGH THE IVORY DOOR. 309 
 
 ** They're good for something',' I said : " even 
 if we don't know what. What's the good of 
 dandelions, now ? " 
 
 •' Dindledums ? " said Bruno. *' Oh, they're 
 ever so pretty ! And stones aren't pretty, 
 one bit. Would 00 like some dindledums, 
 Mister Sir.?" 
 
 ** Bruno ! " Sylvie murmured reproachfully. 
 '* "You mustn't say 'Mister' and 'Sir,' both at 
 once ! Remember what I told you ! " 
 
 " You telled me I were to say * Mister' when 
 I spoked about him, and I were to say 'Sir' 
 when I spoked to him ! " 
 
 "Well, you're not doing both, you know." 
 
 "Ah, but I is doing bofe, Miss Praticular I" 
 Bruno exclaimed triumphantly. " I wishted to 
 
 speak about the Gemplun and I wishted to 
 
 speak to the Gemplun. So a course I said 
 'Mister Sir'!" 
 
 '* That's all right, Bruno," I said. 
 
 " Course it's all right ! " said Bruno. " Sylvie 
 just knows nuffin at all ! " 
 
 " There never was an impertinenter boy ! " 
 said Sylvie, frowning till her bright eyes were 
 nearly invisible. 
 
3IO SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 ** And there never was an ignoranter girl ! " 
 retorted Bruno. " Come along and pick some 
 dindledums. That's all shes fit for!'' he 
 added in a very loud whisper to me. 
 
 '* But why do you say * Dindledums,' Bruno ? 
 Dandelions is the right word." 
 
 " It's because he jumps about so," Sylvie 
 said, laughing. 
 
 ** Yes, that's it," Bruno assented. '' Sylvie 
 tells me the words, and then, when I jump 
 
 about, they get shooken up in my head till 
 
 they're all froth ! " 
 
 I expressed myself as perfectly satisfied with 
 this explanation. '' But aren't you going to pick 
 me any dindledums, after all ? " 
 
 ** Course we will ! " cried Bruno. '* Come 
 along, Sylvie ! " And the happy children raced 
 away, bounding over the turf with the fleetness 
 and grace of young antelopes. 
 
 *' Then you didn't find your way back to 
 Outland ? " I said to the Professor. 
 
 *' Oh yes, I did ! " he replied, "We never got 
 to Queer Street ; but I found another way. I've 
 been backwards and forwards several times 
 since then. I had to be present at the Election, 
 
XXI] THROUGH THE IVORY DOOR. 3" 
 
 you know, as the author of the new Money- 
 Act. The Emperor was so kind as to wish 
 that /should have the credit of it. ' Let come 
 what come may,' (I remember the very words 
 of the Imperial Speech) * if it should turn out 
 that the Warden is alive, you will bear witness 
 that the change in the coinage is the Professors 
 doing, not mine ! ' I never was so glorified 
 in my life, before ! * Tears trickled down his 
 checks at the recollection, which apparently 
 was not wholly a pleasant one. 
 
 "Is the Warden supposed to be dead?'' 
 ** Well, it's supposed so : but, mind you, / 
 don't believe it ! The evidence is very weak 
 
 mere hear-say. A wandering Jester, with 
 
 a Dancing- Bear (they found their way into the 
 Palace, one day) has been telling people he 
 comes from Fairyland, and that the Warden 
 died there. / wanted the Vice- Warden to 
 question him, but, most unluckily, he and my 
 Lady were always out walking when the Jester 
 came round. Yes, the Warden's supposed to 
 be dead ! " And more tears trickled down the 
 old man's cheeks. 
 
 " But what is the new Money- Act } " 
 
312 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 The Professor brightened up again. '* The 
 Emperor started the thing," he said. " He 
 wanted to make everybody in Outland twice 
 
 as rich as he was before just to make the 
 
 new Government popular. Only there wasn't 
 nearly enough money in the Treasury to do it. 
 So /suggested that he might do it by doubling 
 the value of every coin and bank-note in Out- 
 land. It's the simplest thing possible. I wonder 
 nobody ever thought of it before ! And you 
 never saw such universal joy. The shops are 
 full from morning to night. Everybody's 
 buying everything ! " 
 
 *' And how was the glorifying done ? " 
 
 A sudden gloom overcast the Professor's 
 jolly face. ** They did it as I went home 
 after the Election," he mournfully replied. ''It 
 
 was kindly meant but I didn't like it ! They 
 
 waved flags all round me till I was nearly 
 blind : and they rang bells till I was nearly 
 deaf : and they strewed the road so thick with 
 flowers that I lost my way ! " And the poor 
 oid man sighed deeply. 
 
 '' How far is it to Outland ? " I asked, to 
 change the subject 
 
XXI] THROUGH THE IVORY DOOR. 313 
 
 ** About five days' march. But one must go 
 back occasionally. You see, as Court- Pro- 
 fessor, I have to be always in attendance on 
 Prince Uggug. The Empress would be very 
 angry if I left him, even for an hour." 
 
 *' But surely, every time you come here, you 
 are absent ten days, at least "^ " 
 
 " Oh, more than that ! " the Professor ex- 
 claimed. *'A fortnight, sometimes. But of 
 course I keep a memorandum of the exact time 
 when I started, so that I can put the Court- 
 time back to the very moment ! " 
 
 " Excuse me," I said. " I don't understand." 
 
 Silently the Professor drew from his pocket a 
 square gold watch, with six or eight hands, and 
 held it out for my inspection. '' This," he began, 
 " is an Outlandish Watch " 
 
 " So I should have thought." 
 
 " which has the peculiar property that, 
 
 instead of its going with the time, the time goes 
 with it. I trust you understand me now ."^ " 
 
 '* Hardly/' I said. 
 
 " Permit me to explain. So long as it is let 
 alone, it takes its own course. Time has no 
 effect upon it." 
 
314 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 ** I have known such watches," I remarked. 
 
 '* lt£-oes, of course, at the usual rate. Only 
 the time has to go wt^/^ it. Hence, if I move 
 the hands, I change the time. To move them^^r- 
 wards, in advance of the true time, is impossible *. 
 but I can move them as much as a month back- 
 wards that is the limit. And then you have 
 
 the events all over again with any alterations 
 
 experience may suggest." 
 
 " What a blessing such a watch would be," 
 I thought, " in real life ! To be able to unsay 
 
 some heedless word to undo some reckless 
 
 deed ! Might I see the thing done ?" 
 
 "With pleasure!" said the good natured 
 Professor. " When I move this hand back to 
 here!' pointing out the place, " History goes 
 back fifteen minutes ! " 
 
 Trembling with excitement, I watched him 
 push the hand round as he described. 
 
 " Hurted mine self welly much ! " 
 
 Shrilly and suddenly the words rang in my 
 ears, and, more startled than I cared to show, I 
 turned to look for the speaker. 
 
 Yes ! There was Bruno, standing with the 
 tears running down his cheeks, just as I had 
 
XXI] THROUGH THE IVORY DOOR. 315 
 
 seen him a quarter of an hour ago ; and there 
 was Sylvie with her arms round his neck ! 
 
 I had not the heart to make the dear little 
 fellow go through his troubles a second time, 
 so hastily begged the Professor to push the 
 hands round into their former position. In a 
 moment Sylvie and Bruno were gone again, 
 and I could just see them in the far distance, 
 picking ' dindledums/ 
 
 ** Wonderful, indeed ! " I exclaimed. 
 
 "It has another property, yet more wonder- 
 ful," said the Professor. " You see this little 
 peg ? That is called the ' Reversal Peg.' If 
 you push it in, the events of the next hour hap- 
 pen in the reverse order. Do not try it now. 
 I will lend you the Watch for a few days, and 
 you can amuse yourself with experiments." 
 
 " Thank you very much ! " I said as he gave 
 me the Watch. " I'll take the greatest care of 
 it why, here are the children again ! ' 
 
 ** We could only but find six dindledums," 
 said Bruno, putting them into my hands, 
 "'cause Sylvie said it were time to go back. 
 And here's a big blackberry for ooselfl We 
 couldn't only find but two / " 
 
3i6 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 '' Thank you : it's zjery nice," I said. And 
 I suppose you ate the other, Bruno ? " 
 
 ** No, I didn't," Bruno said, carelessly. 
 '' Arent they pretty dindledums, Mister Sir ? " 
 
 " Yes, very : but what makes you limp so, 
 my child ? " 
 
 " Mine foot's come kurted again ! " Bruno 
 mournfully replied. And he sat down on the 
 ground, and began nursing it. 
 
 The Professor held his head between his 
 hands an attitude that I knew indicated dis- 
 traction of mind. '' Better rest a minute," he 
 
 said. ** It may be better then or it may be 
 
 worse. If only I had some of my medicines 
 here! I'm Court- Physician, you know," he 
 added, aside to me. 
 
 *' Shall I go and get you aome blackberries, 
 darling ? " Sylvie whispered, with her arms 
 round his neck ; and she kissed away a tear 
 that was trickling down his cheek. 
 
 Bruno brightened up in a moment. '* That 
 are a good plan ! " he exclaimed. '* I thinks my 
 foot would come quite unhurted, if I eated a 
 
 blackberry two or three blackberries six 
 
 or seven blackberries " ' 
 
XXI] THROUGH THE IVORY DOOR. 317 
 
 Sylvie got up hastily. " I'd better go," she 
 said, aside to me, "before he gets into the 
 double figures ! " 
 
 ** Let me come and help you," I said. '* I 
 can reach higher up than you can." 
 
 "Yes, please," said Sylvie, putting her hand 
 into mine : and we walked off together. 
 
 " Bruno loves blackberries," she said, as we 
 paced slowly along by a tall hedge, that looked 
 a promising place for them, "and it was so 
 sweet of him to make me eat the only one ! " 
 
 " Oh, it was you that ate it, then ? Bruno 
 didn't seem to like to tell me about it." 
 
 "No; I saw that," said Sylvie. "He's 
 always afraid of being praised. But he inade 
 me eat it, really ! I would much rather he 
 
 oh, what's that ? " And she clung to my 
 
 hand, half-frightened, as we came in sight of a 
 hare, lying on its side with legs stretched out, 
 just in the entrance to the wood. 
 
 " It's a hare, my child. Perhaps it's asleep." 
 
 " No, it isn't asleep," Sylvie said, timidly 
 going nearer to look at it : " it's eyes are open. 
 Is it is it " her voice dropped to an awe- 
 struck whisper, " is it dead, do you think ? " 
 
3i8 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 "Yes, it's quite dead," I said, after stooping 
 to examine it. *' Poor thing ! I think it's been 
 hunted to death. I know the harriers were out 
 yesterday. But they haven't touched it. Per- 
 haps they caught sight of another, and left it 
 to die of fright and exhaustion." 
 
 " Hunted to death ? " Sylvie repeated to her- 
 self, very slowly and sadly. '' I thought hunt- 
 ing was a thing they played at like a game. 
 
 Bruno and I hunt snails : but we never hurt 
 them when we catch them ! " 
 
 " Sweet angel ! " I thought. " How am I 
 to get the idea of Sport into your innocent 
 mind ? " And as we stood, hand-in-hand, look- 
 ing down at the dead hare, I tried to put the 
 thing into such words as she could under- 
 stand. " You know what fierce wild-beasts 
 lions and tigers are ? " Sylvie nodded. ** Well, 
 in some countries men have to kill them, to 
 save their own lives, you know." 
 
 " Yes," said Sylvie : '' if one tried to kill 
 mey Bruno would kill it if he could." 
 
 *' Well, and so the men the hunters get 
 
 to enjoy it, you know : the running, and the 
 fighting, and the shouting, and the danger." 
 
XXI] THROUGH THE IVORY DOOR. 319 
 
 ** Yes," said Sylvie. ** Bruno likes danger." 
 
 ** Well, but, in this country, there aren't any 
 lions and tigers, loose : so they hunt other 
 creatures, you see." I hoped, but in vain, that 
 this would satisfy her, and that she would ask 
 no more questions. 
 
 ** They \i\xxiX. foxes ^' Sylvie said, thoughtfully. 
 " And I think they kill them, too. Foxes are 
 very fierce. I daresay men don't love them. 
 Are hares fierce ? " 
 
 ** No," I said. " A hare is a sweet, gentle, 
 timid animal almost as gentle as a lamb." 
 
 ** But, if men love hares, why why " her 
 
 voice quivered, and her sweet eyes were brim- 
 ming over with tears. 
 
 " I'm afraid they dont love them, dear child." 
 
 •' All childre.i love them," Sylvie said. '* All 
 ladies love them." 
 
 ** I'm afraid even ladies go to hunt them, 
 sometimes." 
 
 Sylvie shuddered. "Oh, no, not ladies!' 
 she earnestly pleaded. " Not Lady Muriel ! " 
 
 " No, she never does, I'm sure but this is 
 
 too sad a sight for you, dear. Let's try and 
 find some " 
 
320 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 But Sylvie was not satisfied yet. In a 
 hushed, solemn tone, with bowed head and 
 clasped hands, she put her final question. 
 ** Does God love hares ? " 
 
 ''Yes!" I said. "I'm sure He does! He 
 loves every living thing. Even sinful men. 
 How much more the animals, that cannot sin ! " 
 
 "I don't know what 'sin' means," said 
 Sylvie. And I didn't try to explain it 
 
 " Come, my child," I said, trying to lead her 
 away. " Wish good-bye to the poor hare, and 
 come and look for blackberries." 
 
 " Good-bye, poor hare ! " Sylvie obediendy 
 repeated, looking over her shoulder at it as we 
 turned away. And then, all in a moment, her 
 self-command gave way. Pulling her hand out 
 of mine, she ran back to where the dead hare 
 was lying, and flung herself down at its side in 
 such an agony of grief as I could hardly have 
 beHeved possible in so young a child. 
 
 " Oh, my darling, my darling ! " she moaned, 
 over and over again. " And God meant your 
 life to be so beautiful ! " 
 
 Sometimes, but always keeping her face hid- 
 den on the ground, she would reach out one* 
 
xxi] 
 
 THROUGH THE IVORY DOOR. 
 
 321 
 
 little hand, to stroke the poor dead thing, and 
 then once more bury her face in her hands, and 
 sob as if her heart would break. 
 
 I was afraid she would really make herself 
 ill : still I thought it best to let her weep away 
 the first sharp agony of grief : and, after a 
 few minutes, the sobbing gradually ceased, and 
 Sylvie rose to her feet, and looked calmly at 
 me, though tears were still streaming down 
 her cheeks. 
 
 I did not dare to speak again, just yet ; but 
 simply held out my hand to her, that we might 
 quit the melancholy spot. 
 
322 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 " Yes, ril come now," she said. Very reve- 
 rently she kneeled down, and kissed the dead 
 hare ; then rose and gave me her hand, and we 
 moved on in silence. 
 
 A child's sorrow is violent, but short ; and it 
 was almost in her usual voice that she said, 
 after a minute, " Oh stop, stop ! Here are some 
 lovely blackberries ! " 
 
 We filled our hands with fruit, and returned 
 in all haste to where the Professor and Bruno 
 were seated on a bank, awaiting our return. 
 
 Just before we came within hearing-distance, 
 Sylvie checked me. '' Please don't tell Bruno 
 about the hare ! " she said. 
 
 '' Very well, my child. But why not 1 " 
 
 Tears again glittered in those sweet eyes, 
 and she turned her head away, so that I could 
 
 scarcely hear her reply. '' He's he's very 
 
 fond of gentle creatures, you know. And he'd 
 
 he'd be so sorry ! I don't want him to be 
 
 made sorry." 
 
 " And yoM7'' agony of sorrow is to count for 
 nothing, then, sweet unselfish child ! " I thought 
 to myself. But no more was said till we had 
 reached our friends ; and Bruno was far too 
 
Xxi] THROUGH TRE IVORY DOOR. 323 
 
 much engrossed, in the feast we had brought 
 him, to take any notice of Sylvie's unusually 
 grave manner. 
 
 '* I'm afraid it's getting rather late, Professor ?" 
 I said. 
 
 ** Yes, indeed," said the Professor. '* I must 
 take you all through the Ivory Door again. 
 You've stayed your full time." 
 
 " Mightn't we stay a little longer! " pleaded 
 Sylvie. 
 
 *' Just one minute ! " added Bruno. 
 
 But the Professor was unyielding. ** It's a 
 great privilege, coming through at all," he said. 
 " We must go now." And we followed him 
 obediently to the Ivory Door, which he threw 
 open, and signed to me to go through first. 
 
 " You're coming too, aren't you ? " I said to 
 Sylvie. 
 
 " Yes," she said : ** but you won't see us after 
 you've gone through." 
 
 *' But suppose I wait for you outside ."^ " I 
 asked, as I stepped through the doorway. 
 
 •' In that case," said Sylvie, " I think the 
 potato would be quite justified in asking your 
 weight. I can quite imagine a really superior 
 
 Y 2 
 
324 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 kidney-potato declining to argue with any 
 one under fifteen stone ! " 
 
 With a great effort I recovered the thread 
 of my thoughts. " We lapse very quickly into 
 nonsense ! " I said. 
 
CHAPTER XXII. 
 
 CROSSING THE LINE. 
 
 *' Let us lapse back again," said Lady 
 Muriel. ** Take another cup of tea ? I hope 
 thafs sound common sense ? " 
 
 " And all that strange adventure," I thought, 
 " has occupied the space of a single comma in 
 Lady Muriel's speech ! A single comma, for 
 which grammarians tell us to 'count one' /" (I 
 felt no doubt that the Professor had kindly put 
 back the time for me, to the exact point at 
 which I had gone to sleep.) 
 
 When, a few minutes afterwards, we left the 
 house, Arthur's first remark was certainly a 
 
326 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 Strange one. " We've been there just twenty 
 minutes,'' he said, ''and I've done nothing but 
 listen to you and Lady Muriel talking : and 
 yet, somehow, I feel exactly as if / had been 
 talking with her for an hour at least ! " 
 
 And so he had been, I felt no doubt : only, 
 as the time had been put back to the beginning 
 of the tete-a-tete he referred to, the whole of 
 it had passed into oblivion, if not into nothing- 
 ness ! But I valued my own reputation for 
 sanity too highly to venture on explaining to 
 him what had happened. 
 
 For some cause, which I could not at the 
 moment divine, Arthur was unusually grave 
 and silent during our walk home. It could not 
 be connected with Eric Lindon, I thought, as 
 he had for some days been away in London : 
 so that, having Lady Muriel almost 'all to 
 
 himself for / was only too glad to hear 
 
 those two conversing, to have any wish to 
 
 intrude any remarks of my own he ought, 
 
 theoretically, to have been specially radiant 
 and contented with life. " Can he have heard 
 any bad news ?" I said to myself. And, almost 
 as if he had read my thoughts, he spoke. 
 
XXII] CROSSING THE LINE. 327 
 
 "He will be here by the last train," he said, 
 in the tone of one who is continuing a con- 
 versation rather than beginning one. 
 
 " Captain Lindon, do you mean ? " 
 
 *' Yes Captain Lindon," said Arthur : ** I 
 
 said * he,' because I fancied we were talking 
 about him. The Earl told me he comes to- 
 night, though to-morrow is the day when he 
 will know about the Commission that he's 
 hoping for. I wonder he doesn't stay another 
 day to hear the result, if he's really so anxious 
 about it as the Earl believes he is." 
 
 "He can have a telegram sent after him," 
 I said: "but it's not very soldier-like, running 
 away from possible bad news ! " 
 
 "He's a very good fellow," said Arthur : 
 " but I confess it would be good news for mCy 
 if he got his Commission, and his Marching 
 Orders, all at once ! I wish him all happiness 
 
 with one exception. Good night ! " (We 
 
 had reached home by this time.) ** I'm not 
 good company to-night better be alone." 
 
 It was much the same, next day. Arthur 
 declared he wasn't fit for Society, and I had 
 to set forth alone for an afternoon-stroll. I 
 
328 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 took the road to the Station, and, at the point 
 where the road from the 'Hall' joined it, I 
 paused, seeing my friends in the distance, 
 seemingly bound for the same goal. 
 
 " Will you join us ? " the Earl said, after I 
 had exchanged greetings with him, and Lady 
 Muriel, and Captain Lindon. '' This restless 
 young man is expecting a telegram, and we 
 are going to the Station to meet it." 
 
 " There is also a restless young woman in 
 the case," Lady Muriel added. 
 
 ** That goes without saying, my child," said 
 her father. '' Women are always restless ! " 
 
 " For generous appreciation of all one's best 
 qualities," his daughter impressively remarked, 
 '* there's nothing to compare with a father, is 
 there, Eric.'^" 
 
 '' Cousins are not ' in it,' " said Eric : and 
 then somehow the conversation lapsed into 
 two djclogues, the younger folk taking the 
 lead, and^the two old men following with less 
 eager steps. 
 
 " And when are we to see your little friends 
 again ? " said the Earl. " They are singularly 
 attractive children," 
 
xxil] CROSSING THE LINE. 329 
 
 '* I shall be delighted to bring them, when 
 I can," I said. '* But I don't know, myself, 
 when I am likely to see them again." 
 
 " I'm not going to question you," said the 
 Earl : " but there's no harm in mentioning that 
 Muriel is simply tormented with curiosity! 
 We know most of the people about here, 
 and she has been vainly trying to guess what 
 house they can possibly be staying at." 
 
 " Some day I may be able to enlighten her : 
 but just at present " 
 
 " Thanks. She must bear it as best she 
 can. / tell her it's a grand opportunity for 
 practising patience. But she hardly sees it 
 from that point of view. Why, there are 
 the children ! " 
 
 So indeed they were : waiting (for us, ap- 
 parently) at a stile, which they could not have 
 climbed over more than a few moments, as 
 Lady Muriel and her cousin had passed it 
 without seeing them. On catching sight of us, 
 Bruno ran to meet us, and to exhibit to us, 
 with much pride, the handle of a clasp-knife 
 
 the blade having been broken off which 
 
 he had picked up in the road. 
 
330 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 ** And what shall you use it for, Bruno ? " 
 I said. 
 
 " Don't know," Bruno carelessly replied : 
 *'must think." 
 
 "A child's first view of life," the Earl 
 remarked, with that sweet sad smile of his, 
 '* is that it is a period to be spent in accu- 
 mulating portable property. That view gets 
 modified as the years glide away." And he 
 held out his hand to Sylvie, who had placed 
 herself by me, looking a little shy of him. 
 
 But the gentle old man was not one with 
 whom any child, human or fairy, could be shy 
 for long ; and she iiad very soon deserted my 
 
 hand for his Bruno alone remaining faithful 
 
 to his first friend. We overtook the other 
 couple just as they reached the Station, and 
 both Lady Muriel and Eric greeted the children 
 
 as old friends the latter with the words '* So 
 
 you got to Babylon by candlelight, after all ? " 
 
 ''Yes, and back again ! " cried Bruno. 
 
 Lady Muriel looked from one to the other 
 in blank astonishment. " What, you know 
 them, Eric.'*" she exclaimed. "This mystery 
 grows deeper every day ! " 
 
xxii] CROSSING THE LINE. 33^ 
 
 " Then we must be somewhere in the Third 
 Act," said Eric. " You don't expect the 
 mystery to be cleared up till the Fifth Act, 
 do you ? " 
 
 '* But it's such a long drama ! " was the 
 plaintive reply. "We must have got to the 
 Fifth Act by this time!" 
 
 " Third Act, I assure you," said the young 
 soldier mercilessly. " Scene, a railway-platform. 
 Lights down. Enter Prince (in disguise, of 
 course) and faithful Attendant. This is the 
 
 Prince " (taking Bruno's hand) " and here 
 
 stands his humble Servant! What is your 
 Royal Highness's next command.^" And he 
 made a most courtier-like low bow to his 
 puzzled little friend. 
 
 " Oo're not a Servant ! " Bruno scornfully 
 exclaimed. '* Oo're a Gemplun ! " 
 
 ''Servants I assure your Royal Highness!" 
 Eric respectfully insisted. '* Allow me to 
 mention to your Royal Highness my various 
 situations past, present, and future." 
 
 "What did oo begin wiz.-*" Bruno asked, 
 beginning to enter into the jest. " Was oo 
 a shoe-black } " 
 
332 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 ''Lower than that, your Royal Highness! 
 
 Years ago, I offered myself as a Slave as 
 
 a ' Confidential Slave,' I think it's called ? " he 
 asked, turning to Lady Muriel. 
 
 But Lady Muriel heard him not : something 
 had gone wrong with her glove, which entirely 
 engrossed her attention. 
 
 '* Did oo get the place .-* " said Bruno. 
 
 "Sad to say. Your Royal Highness, I did 
 
 not I So I had to take a situation as as 
 
 Waiter, which I have now held for some 
 
 years haven't I ?" He again glanced at 
 
 Lady Muriel. 
 
 *' Sylvie dear, do help me to button this 
 glove!" Lady Muriel whispered, hastily stoop- 
 ing down, and failing to hear the question. 
 
 " And what will oo be next ? " said Bruno. 
 
 "My next place will, I hope, be that of 
 Groom. And after that " 
 
 " Don't puzzle the child so ! " Lady Muriel 
 interrupted. " What nonsense you talk ! " 
 
 " after that," Eric persisted, " I hope to 
 
 obtain the situation of Housekeeper, which 
 
 Fourth Act ! " he proclaimed, with a sudden 
 change of tone. " Lights turned up. Red 
 
xxii] CROSSING THE LINE. 335 
 
 lights. Green lights. Distant rumble heard. 
 Enter a passenger-train ! " 
 
 And in another minute the train drew up 
 alongside of the platform, and a stream of 
 passengers began to flow out from the booking 
 office and waiting-rooms. 
 
 ** Did you ever make real life into a drama ?" 
 said the Earl. ** Now just try. Tve often 
 amused myself that way. Consider this plat- 
 form as our stage. Good entrances and exits 
 on both sides, you see. Capital background 
 scene : real engine moving up and down. All 
 this bustle, and people passing to and fro, must 
 have been most carefully rehearsed ! How 
 naturally they do it ! With never a glance at 
 the audience ! And every grouping is quite 
 fresh, you see. No repetition ! " 
 
 It really was admirable, as soon as I began 
 to enter into it from this point of view. Even 
 a porter passing, with a barrow piled with 
 luggage, seemed so realistic that one was 
 tempted to applaud. He was followed by an 
 angry mother, with hot red face, dragging along 
 two screaming children, and calling, to some 
 one behind, "John! Come on ! '' Enter John, 
 
334 SYLVm AND BRUNO. 
 
 very meek, very silent, and loaded with parcels. 
 And he was followed, in his turn, by a fright- 
 ened little nursemaid, carrying a fat baby, also 
 screaming. All the children screamed. 
 
 '' Capital byplay ! " said the old man aside. 
 *' Did you notice the nursemaid's look of 
 terror? It was sAvn^Xy perfect / '' 
 
 *' You have struck quite a new vein," I said. 
 *' To most of us Life and its pleasures seem 
 like a mine that is nearly worked out." 
 
 ''Worked out!" exclaimed the Earl. ''For 
 any one with true dramatic instincts, it is only 
 the Overture that is ended ! The real treat 
 has yet to begin. You go to a theatre, and pay 
 your ten shillings for a stall, and what do you 
 get for your money ? Perhaps it's a dialogue 
 
 between a couple of farmers unnatural in 
 
 their overdone caricature of farmers' dress 
 
 more unnatural in their constrained attitudes 
 
 and gestures most unnatural in their attempts 
 
 at ease and geniality in their talk. Go instead 
 and take a seat in a third-class railway-carriage, 
 and you'll get the same dialogue done to the 
 
 life ! Front-seats no orchestra to block the 
 
 view and nothing to pay ! " 
 
XXii] CROSSING THE LINE. 335 
 
 " Which reminds me," said Eric. ** There 
 is nothing to pay on receiving a telegram ! 
 Shall we enquire for one ?" And he and 
 Lady Muriel strolled off in the direction of 
 the Telegraph-Office. 
 
 " I wonder if Shakespeare had that thought 
 in his mind," I said, " when he wrote * All the 
 world's a stage ' ? " 
 
 The old man sighed. ** And so it is," he 
 said, " look at it as you will. Life is indeed 
 
 a drama ; a drama with but few encores 
 
 and no bouquets !'' he added dreamily. '*We 
 spend one half of it in regretting the things 
 we did in the other half ! " 
 
 " And the secret of enjoying it," he continued, 
 resuming his cheerful tone, " is intensity ! " 
 
 ** But not in the modern aesthetic sense, I 
 presume ? Like the young lady, in Punch, who 
 begins a conversation with * Are you ijttense ?' " 
 
 " By no means ! " replied the Earl. " What 
 
 I mean is intensity of thought a concentrated 
 
 attention. We lose half the pleasure we might 
 have in Life, by not really attending. Take 
 any instance you like : it doesn't matter how 
 trivial the pleasure may be the principle is 
 
336 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 the same. Suppose A and B are reading the 
 same second-rate circulating-library novel. A 
 never troubles himself to master the relation- 
 ships of the characters, on which perhaps all 
 the Interest of the story depends : he ' skips ' 
 over all the descriptions of scenery, and every 
 passage that looks rather dull : he doesn't half 
 attend to the passages he does read : he goes 
 
 on reading merely from want of resolution to 
 
 find another occupation for hours after he 
 
 ought to have put the book aside : and reaches 
 the ' FINIS ' in a state of utter weariness and 
 depression ! B puts his whole soul into the 
 
 thing on the principle that 'whatever is 
 
 worth doing is worth doing well ' : he masters 
 the genealogies : he calls up pictures before 
 his * mind's eye ' as he reads about the scenery : 
 best of all, he resolutely shuts the book at the 
 end of some chapter, while his Interest is yet at 
 its keenest, and turns to other subjects ; so 
 that, when next he allows himself an hour at 
 it, it is like a hungry man sitting down to 
 dinner : and, w^hen the book is finished, he 
 returns to the work of his daily life like ' a 
 giant refreshed ' ! " ^ 
 
XXII] CROSSING THE LINE. 337 
 
 '* But suppose the book were really rubbish 
 nothing to repay attention ? " 
 
 "Well, suppose it," said the Earl. "My 
 theory meets that case, I assure you ! A never 
 finds out that it is rubbish, but maunders on 
 to the end, trying to believe he's enjoying 
 himself. B quietly shuts the book, when he's 
 read a dozen pages, walks off to the Library, 
 and changes it for a better ! I have yet 
 another theory for adding to the enjoyment of 
 
 Life that is, if I have not exhausted your 
 
 patience ? Tm afraid you find me a very 
 garrulous old man." 
 
 " No indeed ! " I exclaimed earnestly. And 
 indeed I felt as if one could not easily tire 
 of the sweet sadness of that gentle voice. 
 
 " It is, that we should learn to take our 
 pleasures quickly, and our pains slowly.'' 
 
 " But why ? I should have put it the other 
 way, myself" 
 
 " By taking artificial pain which can be 
 
 as trivial as you please slowly, the result 
 
 is that, when real pain comes, however severe, 
 all you need do is to let it go at its ordinary 
 pace, and it's over in a moment!" 
 
 z 
 
338 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 "Very true," I said, ''but how about the 
 pleasu7^e ? " 
 
 "Why, by taking it quick, you can get so 
 much more into Hfe. It takes j^^^/ three hours 
 and a half to hear and enjoy an opera. Sup- 
 pose / can take it in, and enjoy it, in half-an- 
 hour. Why, I can enjoy seven operas, while 
 you are listening to one ! " 
 
 " Always supposing you have an orchestra 
 capable of playing them," I said. " And that 
 orchestra has yet to be found ! '*' 
 
 The old man smiled. " I have heard an 
 air played," he said, '* and by no means a 
 
 short one played right through, variations 
 
 and all, in three seconds ! " 
 
 ** When ? And how V I asked eagerly, with 
 a half-notion that I was dreaming again. 
 
 " It was done by a little musical-box," he 
 quietly replied. " After it had been wound 
 up, the regulator, or something, broke, and 
 it ran down, as I said, in about three seconds. 
 But it must have played all the notes, you 
 know ! " 
 
 " Did you enjoy it .^ " I asked, with all the 
 severity of a cross-examining barrister. 
 
XXII] CROSSING THE LINE. 339 
 
 ** No, I didn't ! " he candidly confessed. 
 ** But then, you know, I hadn't been trained 
 to that kind of music ! " 
 
 ** I should much like to try your plan," I said, 
 and, as Sylvie and Bruno happened to run up 
 to us at the moment, I left them to keep the 
 Earl company, and strolled along the platform, 
 making each person and event play its part 
 in an extempore drama for my especial benefit. 
 ''What, is the Earl tired of you already?" I 
 said, as the children ran past me. 
 
 *' No ! " Sylvie replied with great emphasis. 
 " He wants the evening-paper. So Bruno's 
 going to be a little news-boy ! " 
 
 "Mind you charge a good price for it!" I 
 called after them. 
 
 Returning up the platform, I came upon 
 Sylvie alone. "Well, child," I said, "where's 
 your little news-boy ? Couldn't he get you an 
 evening-paper '^. " 
 
 ** He went to get one at the book-stall at 
 the other side," said Sylvie ; " and he's coming 
 
 across the line with it oh, Bruno, you ought 
 
 to cross by the bridge ! " for the distant thud, 
 thud, of the Express was already audible. 
 
 z 2 
 
340 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 Suddenly a look of horror came over her face. 
 *' Oh, he's fallen down on the rails ! " she cried, 
 and darted past me at a speed that quite defied 
 the hasty effort I made to stop her. 
 
 But the wheezy old Station-Master happened 
 to be close behind me : he wasn't good for 
 much, poor old man, but he was good for this ; 
 and, before I could turn round, he had the child 
 clasped in his arms, saved from the certain 
 death she was rushing to. So intent was I in 
 watching this scene, that I hardly saw a flying 
 figure in a light grey suit, who shot across from 
 the back of the platform, and was on the line in 
 another second. So far as one could take note 
 of time in such a moment of horror he had 
 about ten clear seconds, before the Express 
 would be upon him, in which to cross the rails 
 and to pick up Bruno. Whether he did so or 
 not it was quite impossible to guess : the next 
 thing one knew was that the Express had 
 passed, and that, whether for life or death, all 
 was over. When the cloud of dust had cleared 
 away, and the line was once more visible, we 
 saw with thankful hearts that the child and his 
 deliverer were safe. 
 
XXIl] 
 
 CROSSING THE LINE. 
 
 341 
 
 "All right!" Eric called to us cheerfully, 
 as he recrossed the line. ''He's more fright- 
 ened than hurt ! " 
 
 He lifted the little fellow up into Lady 
 Muriel's arms, and mounted the platform as 
 gaily as if nothing had happened : but he was 
 as pale as death, and leaned heavily on the 
 arm I hastily offered him, fearing he was about 
 
 to faint. "I'll just sit down a moment " 
 
 he said dreamily : " where's Sylvie ? " 
 
342 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 Sylvie ran to him, and flung her arms round 
 his neck, sobbing as if her heart would break. 
 *' Don't do that, my darling!" Eric murmured, 
 with a strange look in his eyes. '* Nothing to 
 cry about now, you know. But you very nearly 
 got yourself killed for nothing ! " 
 
 '' For Bruno ! " the little maiden sobbed. 
 *' And he would have done it for me. Wouldn't 
 you, Bruno ? " 
 
 ** Course I would ! " Bruno said, looking 
 round with a bewildered air. 
 
 Lady Muriel kissed him in silence as she put 
 him down out of her arms. Then she beckoned 
 Sylvie to come and take his hand, and signed 
 to the children to go back to where the Earl 
 was seated. " Tell him," she whispered with 
 
 quivering lips, " tell him all is well ! " Then 
 
 she turned to the hero of the day. *' I thought 
 it was death^' she said. '' Thank God, you are 
 safe ! Did you see how near it was ? " 
 
 " I saw there was just time," Eric said lightly. 
 " A soldier must learn to carry his life in his 
 hand, you know. I'm all right now. Shall we 
 go to the telegraph -office again ? I daresay 
 it's come by this time." 
 
XXII] CROSSING THE LINE. 343 
 
 I went to join the Earl and the children, and 
 
 we waited almost in silence, for no one 
 
 seemed inclined to talk, and Bruno was half- 
 asleep on Sylvie's lap till the others joined 
 
 us. No telegram had come. 
 
 " ril take a stroll with the children," I said, 
 feeling that we were a little de trop, '*and I'll 
 look in, in the course of the evening/* 
 
 **We must go back into the wood, now," 
 Sylvie said, as soon as we were out of hearing. 
 "We ca'n't stay this size any longer." 
 
 ** Then you will be quite tiny Fairies again, 
 next time we meet ? " 
 
 " Yes," said Sylvie : " but we'll be children 
 
 again some day if you'll let us. Bruno's 
 
 very anxious to see Lady Muriel again." 
 " She are welly nice," said Bruno. 
 "■ I shall be very glad to take you to see her 
 again," I said. " Hadn't I better give you back 
 the Professor's Watch ? It'll be too large for 
 you to carry when you're Fairies, you know." 
 
 Bruno laughed merrily. I was glad to see 
 he had quite recovered from the terrible scene 
 he had gone through. " Oh no, it won't ! '* he 
 said. " When we go small, it'll go small ! " 
 
344 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 " And then It'll go straight to the Professor," 
 Sylvie added, '' and you won't be able to use it 
 any more : so you'd better use it all you can, 
 now. We mus^ go small when the sun sets. 
 Good-bye ! " 
 
 " Good-bye ! " cried Bruno. But their voices 
 sounded very far away, and, when I looked 
 round, both children had disappeared. 
 
 ''And it wants only two hours to sunset!" 
 I said as I strolled on. " I must make the best 
 of my time ! " 
 
CHAPTER XXIII. 
 
 AN OUTLANDISH WATCH. 
 
 As I entered the little town, I came upon 
 two of the fishermen's wives interchanging 
 that last word " which never was the last " : 
 and it occurred to me, as an experiment with 
 the Magic Watch, to wait till the little scene 
 was over, and then to * encore ' it. 
 
 *' Well, good night t ye ! And ye winna 
 forget to send us word when your Martha 
 writes ? " 
 
 " Nay, ah winna forget. An' if she isn't 
 suited, she can but coom back. Good night 
 tye ! 
 
346 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 A casual observer might have thought '' and 
 there ends the dialogue ! " That casual ob- 
 server would have been mistaken. 
 
 ''Ah, she'll like 'em, I war'n' ye! They'll 
 not treat her bad, yer may depend. They're 
 varry canny fowk. Good night ! " 
 
 '* Ay, they are that ! Good night ! " 
 
 " Good night ! And ye'll send us word if 
 she writes ? " 
 
 " Aye, ah will, yer may depend ! Good 
 night t'ye ! " 
 
 And at last they parted. I waited till they 
 were some twenty yards apart, and then put 
 the Watch a minute back. The instantaneous 
 change was startling : the two figures seemed 
 to flash back into their former places. 
 
 " isn't suited, she can but coom back. 
 
 Good night t'ye ! " one of them was saying : 
 and so the whole dialogue was repeated, and, 
 when they had parted for the second time, I 
 let them go their several ways, and strolled 
 on through the town. 
 
 " But the real usefulness of this magic 
 power," I thought, ''would be to undo some 
 harm, some painful event, some accident " 
 
XXIII] AN OUTLANDISH WATCH. 347 
 
 I had not long to wait for an opportunity of 
 testing this property also of the Magic Watch, 
 for, even as the thought passed through my 
 mind, the accident I was imagining occurred. 
 A light cart was standing at the door of the 
 * Great Millinery Dep6t ' of Elveston, laden 
 with card-board packing-cases, which the driver 
 was carrying into the shop, one by one. One 
 of the cases had fallen into the street, but it 
 scarcely seemed worth while to step forward 
 and pick it up, as the man would be back 
 again in a moment. Yet, in that moment, a 
 young man riding a bicycle came sharp round 
 the corner of the street and, in trying to avoid 
 running over the box, upset his machine, and 
 was thrown headlong against the wheel of the 
 spring-cart. The driver ran out to his assist- 
 ance, and he and I together raised the unfor- 
 tunate cyclist and carried him into the shop. 
 His head was cut and bleeding ; and one knee 
 seemed to be badly injured ; and it was speedily 
 settled that he had better be conveyed at once 
 to the only Surgery in the place. I helped 
 them in emptying the cart, and placing in it 
 some pillows for the wounded man to rest on ; 
 
34? SYLVIE AND BRUNO; 
 
 and it was only when the driver had mounted 
 to his place, and was starting for the Surgery, 
 that I bethought me of the strange power I 
 possessed of undoing all this harm. 
 
 ** Now is my time ! " I said to myself, as I 
 moved back the hand of the Watch, and saw, 
 almost without surprise this time, all things 
 restored to the places they had occupied at the 
 critical moment when I had first noticed the 
 fallen packing-case. 
 
 Instantly I stepped out into the street, picked 
 up the box, and replaced it in the cart : in the 
 next moment the bicycle had spun round the 
 corner, passed the cart without let or hindrance, 
 and soon vanished in the distance, in a cloud 
 of dust. 
 
 " Delightful power of magic ! " I thought. 
 
 " How much of human suffering I have not 
 
 only relieved, but actually annihilated ! " And, 
 in a glow of conscious virtue, I stood watching 
 the unloading of the cart, still holding the 
 Magic Watch open in my hand, as I was 
 curious to see what would happen when we 
 again reached the exact time at which I had 
 put back the hand. 
 
xxiii] AN OUTLANDISH WATCH. 349 
 
 The result was one that, if only I had con- 
 sidered the thing carefully, I might have 
 foreseen : as the hand of the Watch touched 
 
 the mark, the spring-cart which had driven 
 
 off, and was by this time half-way down the 
 street, was back again at the door, and in the 
 
 act of starting, while oh woe for the golden 
 
 dream of world-wide benevolence that had 
 
 dazzled my dreaming fancy ! the wounded 
 
 youth was once more reclining on the heap of 
 pillows, his pale face set rigidly in the hard 
 lines that told of pain resolutely endured. 
 
 " Oh mocking Magic Watch ! " I said to my- 
 self, as I passed out of the little town, and took 
 the seaward road that led to my lodgings. 
 " The good I fancied I could do is vanished 
 like a dream : the evil of this troublesome 
 world is the only abiding reality ! " 
 
 And now I must record an experience so 
 strange, that I think it only fair, before begin- 
 ning to relate it, to release my much-enduring 
 reader from any obligation he may feel to be- 
 lieve this part of my story. / would not have 
 believed it, I freely confess, if I had not seen it 
 wi;:h my own eyes : then why should I expect 
 
3SO SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 it of my reader, who, quite possibly, has never 
 seen anything of the sort ? 
 
 I was passing a pretty little villa, which 
 stood rather back from the road, in its own 
 
 grounds, with bright flower-beds in front 
 
 creepers wandering over the walls and hanging 
 in festoons about the bow-windows an easy- 
 chair forgotten on the lawn, with a newspaper 
 
 lying near it a small pug-dog " couchant " 
 
 before it, resolved to guard the treasure even 
 
 at the sacrifice of life and a front-door 
 
 standing invitingly half-open. " Here is my 
 chance," I thought, '' for testing the reverse 
 action of the Magic Watch ! " I pressed the 
 ' reversal-peg ' and walked in. In another 
 house, the entrance of a stranger might cause 
 
 surprise perhaps anger, even going so far 
 
 as to expel the said stranger with violence : 
 but here, I knew, nothing of the sort could 
 
 happen. The ordinary course of events first, 
 
 to think nothing about me ; then, hearing my 
 footsteps to look up and see me ; and then to 
 
 wonder what business I had there would be 
 
 reversed by the action of my Watch. They 
 would first wonder who I was, then see me, 
 
XXIII] AN OUTLANDISH WATCH. 351 
 
 then look down, and think no more about me. 
 And as to being expelled with violence, that 
 event would necessarily come first in this case. 
 '*So, if I can once get in^' I said to myself, 
 *' all risk of expulsion will be over ! " 
 
 The pug-dog sat up, as a precautionary 
 measure, as I passed ; but, as I took no notice 
 of the treasure he was guarding, he let me go 
 by without even one remonstrant bark. " He 
 that takes my life," he seemed to be saying, 
 wheezily, to himself, " takes trash : But he that 
 
 takes the Daily Telegraph ! " But this 
 
 awful contingency I did not face. 
 
352 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 The party in the drawing-room 1 had 
 
 walked straight in, you understand, without 
 ringing the bell, or giving any notice of my 
 
 approach consisted of four laughing rosy 
 
 children, of ages from about fourteen down to 
 ten, who were, apparently, all coming towards 
 the door (I found they were really walking 
 backwards), while their mother, seated by the 
 fire with some needlework on her lap, was say- 
 ing, just as I entered the room, " Now, girls, 
 you may get your things on for a walk." 
 
 To my utter astonishment for I was not 
 
 yet accustomed to the action of the Watch 
 
 '' all smiles ceased " (as Browning says) on 
 the four pretty faces, and they all got out 
 pieces of needle-work, and sat down. No one 
 noticed me in the least, as I quietly took a 
 chair and sat down to watch them. 
 
 When the needle -work had been unfolded, 
 and they were all ready to begin, their mother 
 said '* Come, that's done, at last ! You may fold 
 up your work, girls." But the children took 
 no notice whatever of the remark ; on the con- 
 trary, they set to work at once sewing if that 
 
 is the proper word to describe an operation 
 
XXIII] AN OUTLANDISH WATCH. 353 
 
 such as / had never before witnessed. Each 
 of them threaded her needle with a short end 
 of thread attached to the work, which was in- 
 stantly pulled by an invisible force through the 
 stuff, dragging the needle after it : the nimble 
 fingers of the little sempstress caught it at 
 the other side, but only to lose it again the 
 next moment. And so the work went on, 
 steadily undoing itself, and the neatly-stitched 
 little dresses, or whatever they were, steadily 
 falling to pieces. Now and then one of the 
 children would pause, as the recovered thread 
 became inconveniently long, wind it on a bob- 
 bin, and start again with another short end. 
 
 At last all the work was picked to pieces 
 and put away, and the lady led the way into 
 the next room, walking backwards, and making 
 the insane remark ** Not yet, dear : we nmst 
 get the sewing done first." After which, I 
 was not surprised to see the children skipping 
 backwards after her, exclaiming " Oh, mother, 
 it is such a lovely day for a walk ! '* 
 
 In the dining-room, the table had only dirty 
 plates and empty dishes on it. However the 
 party with the addition of a gentleman, as 
 
 A A 
 
354 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 good-natured, and as rosy, as the children 
 
 seated themselves at it very contentedly. 
 
 You have seen people eating cherry-tart, and 
 every now and then cautiously conveying a 
 cherry-stone from their lips to their plates ? 
 Well, something like that went on all through 
 
 this ghastly or shall we say 'ghostly' ? 
 
 banquet. An empty fork is raised to the 
 lips : there it receives a neatly-cut piece of 
 mutton, and swiftly conveys it to the plate, 
 where it instantly attaches itself to the mutton 
 already there. Soon one of the plates, fur- 
 nished with a complete slice of mutton and two 
 potatoes, was handed up to the presiding gen- 
 tleman, who quietly replaced the slice on the 
 joint, and the potatoes in the dish. 
 
 Their conversation was, if possible, more 
 bewildering than their mode of dining. It 
 began by the youngest girl suddenly, and with- 
 out provocation, addressing her eldest sister. 
 '' Oh, you wicked story-teller ! " she said. 
 
 I expected a sharp reply from the sister ; 
 but, instead of this, she turned laughingly to 
 her father, and said, in a very loud stage- 
 whisper, " To be a bride ! " 
 
XXIII] AN OUTLANDISH WATCH. 355 
 
 The father, in order to do his part in a 
 conversation that seemed only fit for lunatics, 
 replied ** Whisper it to me, dear." 
 
 But she didnt whisper (these children never 
 did anything they were told) : she said, quite 
 loud, " Of course not ! Everybody knows what 
 Dolly wants ! " 
 
 And little Dolly shrugged her shoulders, and 
 said, with a pretty pettishness, ** Now, Father, 
 you're not to tease ! You know I don't want to 
 be bride's-maid to anybody I " 
 
 '' And Dolly's to be the fourth," was her 
 father's idiotic reply. 
 
 Here Number Three put in her oar. " Oh, 
 it is settled, Mother dear, really and truly ! 
 Mary told us all about it. It's to be next 
 
 Tuesday four weeks and three of her cousins 
 
 are coming to be bride's-maids and " 
 
 " She doesn't forget it, Minnie!" the Mother 
 laughingly replied. " I do wish they'd get it 
 settled ! I don't like long engagements." 
 
 And Minnie wound up the conversation if 
 
 so chaotic a series of remarks deserves the 
 
 name with " Only think ! We passed the 
 
 Cedars this morning, just exactly as Mary 
 
 A A 2 
 
356 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 Davenant was standing at the gate, wishing 
 
 good-bye to Mister 1 forget his name. Of 
 
 course we looked the other way." 
 
 By this time I was so hopelessly confused 
 that I gave up listening, and followed the 
 dinner down into the kitchen. 
 
 But to you, O hypercritical reader, resolute 
 to believe no item of this weird adventure, what 
 need to tell how the mutton was placed on the 
 
 spit, and slowly unroasted how the potatoes 
 
 were wrapped in their skins, and handed over 
 
 to the gardener to be buried how, when the 
 
 mutton had at length attained to rawness, the 
 fire, which had gradually changed from red- 
 heat to a mere blaze, died down so suddenly 
 that the cook had only just time to catch its 
 
 last flicker on the end of a match or how the 
 
 maid, having taken the mutton off the spit, 
 carried it (backwards, of course) out of the 
 house, to meet the butcher, who was coming 
 (also backwards) down the road ? 
 
 The longer I thought over this strange 
 adventure, the more hopelessly tangled the 
 mystery became : and it was a real relief to 
 meet Arthur In the road, and get him to go 
 
xxiii] AN OUTLANDISH WATCH. 357 
 
 with me up to the Hall, to learn what news 
 the telegraph had brought. I told him, as we 
 went, what had happened at the Station, but 
 as to my further adventures I thought it best, 
 for the present, to say nothing. 
 
 The Earl was sitting alone when we entered. 
 " I am glad you are come in to keep me com- 
 pany," he said. " Muriel is gone to bed the 
 
 excitement of that terrible scene was too much 
 
 for her and Eric has gone to the hotel to 
 
 pack his things, to start for London by the 
 early train." 
 
 "Then the telegram has come?" I said. 
 
 " Did you not hear ? Oh, I had forgotten : 
 it came in after you left the Station. Yes, it's 
 all right : Eric has got his commission ; and, 
 now that he has arranged matters with Muriel, 
 he has business in town that must be seen to 
 at once." 
 
 " What arrangement do you mean ?" I asked 
 with a sinking heart, as the thought of Arthur's 
 crushed hopes came to my mind. '* Do you 
 mean that they are engaged?'' 
 
 ** They have been engaged in a sense 
 
 for two years," the old man gently replied : 
 
3S8 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 " that is, he has had my promise to consent 
 to it, so soon as he could secure a permanent 
 and settled line in life. I could never be happy 
 with my child married to a man without an 
 
 object to live for without even an object to 
 
 die for!" 
 
 " I hope they will be happy," a strange voice 
 said. The speaker was evidently in the room, 
 but I had not heard the door open, and I 
 looked round in some astonishment. The Earl 
 seemed to share my surprise. '' Who spoke ? " 
 he exclaimed. 
 
 *' It was I," said Arthur, looking at us with 
 a worn, haggard face, and eyes from which the 
 light of life seemed suddenly to have faded. 
 "And let me wish you joy also, dear friend," 
 he added, looking sadly at the Earl, and speak- 
 ing in the same hollow tones that had startled 
 us so much. 
 
 '' Thank you," the old man said, simply and 
 heartily. 
 
 A silence followed : then I rose, feeling sure 
 that Arthur would wish to be alone, and bade 
 our gentle host ' Good night ' : Arthur took his 
 hand, but said nothing : nor did he speak again. 
 
XXIII] AN OUTLANDISH WATCH. 359 
 
 as we went home, till we were in the house 
 and had lit our bed-room candles. Then he 
 said, more to himself than to me, *' The heart 
 knoweth its own bitterness. I never under- 
 stood those words till now." 
 
 The next few days passed wearily enough. 
 I felt no inclination to call again, by myself, 
 at the Hall ; still less to propose that Arthur 
 should go with me : it seemed better to wait 
 
 till Time that gentle healer of our bitterest 
 
 sorrows should have helped him to recover 
 
 from the first shock of the disappointment 
 that had blighted his life. 
 
 Business, however, soon demanded my pres- 
 ence in town ; and I had to announce to 
 Arthur that I must leave him for a while. 
 ** But I hope to run down again in a month," 
 I added. " I would stay now, if I could. I 
 don't think it's good for you to be alone." 
 
 "No, I ca'n't face solitude, here^ for long," 
 said Arthur. '* But don't think about me, I 
 have made up my mind to accept a post in 
 India, that has been offered me. Out there, 
 I suppose I shall find something to live for ; I 
 ca'n't see anything at present. ' This life of 
 
36o SYLVIE AND BRUNO, 
 
 mine I guard, as God's high gift, fro7n scathe 
 and wrong, Not greatly care to lose / ' " 
 
 *'Yes," I said: ''your name-sake bore as 
 heavy a blow, and lived through it." 
 
 •* A far heavier one than mine^' said Arthur. 
 ''The woman he loved proved false. There 
 
 is no such cloud as that on my memory of 
 
 of " He left the name unuttered, and 
 
 went on hurriedly. " But you will return, will 
 you not ? " 
 
 " Yes, I shall come back for a short time." 
 
 " Do," said Arthur : " and you shall write 
 and tell me of our friends. I'll send you my 
 address when I'm settled down." 
 
CHAPTER XXIV. 
 
 THE FROGS* BIRTHDAY-TREAT. 
 
 And so it came to pass that, just a week 
 after the day when my Fairy-friends first ap- 
 peared as Children, I found myself taking a 
 farewell-stroll through the wood, in the hope 
 of meeting them once more. I had but to 
 stretch myself on the smooth turf, and the 
 ' eerie ' feeling was on me in a moment. 
 
 " Put oor ear welly low down," said Bruno, 
 "and I'll tell oo a secret! It's the Frogs' 
 Birthday-Treat ^and we've lost the Baby ! " 
 
 ''What Baby?" I said, quite bewildered by 
 this complicated piece of news. 
 
362 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 " The Queens Baby, a course ! " said Bruno. 
 " TItania's Baby. And we's welly sorry. 
 Sylvle, she's oh so sorry ! " 
 
 " How sorry is she ? " I asked, mischievously. 
 
 " Three-quarters of a yard," Bruno repHed 
 with perfect solemnity. " And Fm a little 
 sorry too," he added, shutting his eyes so as 
 not to see that he was smiling. 
 
 ** And what are you doing about the Baby ? " 
 
 '* Well, the soldiers are all looking for It • 
 
 up and down everywhere." 
 
 '' The soldiers ? " I exclaimed. 
 
 ** Yes, a course ! " said Bruno. *' When 
 there's no fighting to be done, the soldiers 
 doos any little odd jobs, oo know." 
 
 I was amused at the idea of its being a 
 * little odd job' to find the Royal Baby. '' But 
 how did you come to lose It ? " I asked. 
 
 '' We put it in a flower," Sylvie, who had 
 just joined us, explained with her eyes full of 
 tears. '' Only we ca'n't remember which I " 
 
 '* She says us put It In a flower," Bruno 
 Interrupted, '''cause she doosn't want / to get 
 punished. But It were really me what put It 
 there. Sylvie were picking Dindledums." 
 
THE FROGS' BIRTHDAY-TREAT. 
 
 363 
 
 J 
 
 "You shouldn't 
 say ' us put it in 
 
 a flower'," Sylvie very 
 gravely remarked. 
 
 "Well, hus, then," said 
 Bruno. " I never can re- 
 member those horrid H's ! " 
 
 " Let me help you to look 
 for it," I said. So Sylvie 
 and I made a * voyage of 
 discovery' among all the 
 flowers ; but there was no 
 Baby to be seen. 
 
 " What's become of 
 Bruno ? " I said, when we 
 had completed our tour. 
 
 " He's down in the ditch 
 there," said Sylvie, "amus- 
 ing a young Frog." 
 
364 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 I went down on my hands and knees to look 
 for him, for I felt very curious to know how 
 young Frogs ought to be amused. After a 
 minute's search, I found him sitting at the ^di^'^ 
 of the ditch, by the side of the little Frog, and 
 looking rather disconsolate. 
 
 ** How are you getting on, Bruno ? " I said, 
 nodding to him as he looked up. 
 
 "Can't amuse it no more," Bruno answered, 
 very dolefully, " 'cause it won't say what it 
 would like to do next ! I've showed it all 
 
 the duck-weeds and a live caddis-worm 
 
 but it won't say nuffin ! What would 00 
 
 like ? ' he shouted into the ear of the Frog : 
 but the little creature sat quite still, and took 
 no notice of him. *' It's deaf, I think ! " Bruno 
 said, turning away with a sigh. " And it's time 
 to get the Theatre ready." 
 
 ' ' Who are the audience to be ? " 
 
 '' Only but Frogs," said Bruno. ** But they 
 haven't comed yet. They wants to be drove 
 up, like sheep." 
 
 '' Would it save time," I suggested, '' if / 
 were to walk round with Sylvie, to drive up the 
 Frogs, while jK^^ get the Theatre ready ?" 
 
XXIV] THE FROGS' BIRTHDAY-TREAT. 365 
 
 " That are a good plan ! " cried Bruno. *' Rut 
 where are Sylvie ? " 
 
 "I'm here ! " said Sylvie, peeping over the 
 edge of the bank. " I was just watching two 
 Frogs that were having a race." 
 
 ** Which won it ? " Bruno eagerly inquired. 
 
 Sylvie was puzzled. *' He does ask such hard 
 questions ! " she confided to me. 
 
 '* And what's to happen in the Theatre ? " 
 I asked. 
 
 *' First they have their Birthday-Feast," 
 Sylvie said: ** then Bruno does some Bits of 
 Shakespeare ; then he tells them a Story." 
 
 " I should think the Frogs like the Feast 
 best. Don't they ? " 
 
 ** Well, there's generally very few of them 
 that get any. They will keep their mouths 
 shut so tight ! And it's just as well they do!' 
 she added, ** because Bruno likes to cook it 
 himself : and he cooks very queerly. Now 
 they're all in. Would you just help me to 
 put them with their heads the right way ? " 
 
 We soon managed this part of the business, 
 though the Frogs kept up a most discontented 
 croaking all the time. 
 
366 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 " What are they saying ? " I asked Sylvie. 
 
 "They're saying 'Fork! Fork!' It's very 
 silly of them ! You're not going to /lave 
 forks ! " she announced with some severity. 
 " Those that want any Feast have just got 
 to open their mouths, and Bruno '11 put some 
 of it in ! " 
 
 At this moment Bruno appeared, wearing a 
 little white apron to show that he was a Cook, 
 and carrying a tureen full of very queer-looking 
 soup. I watched very carefully as he moved 
 about among the Frogs ; but I could not see 
 that any of them opened their mouths to be fed 
 
 except one very young one, and I'm nearly 
 
 sure it did it accidentally, in yawning. How- 
 ever Bruno instantly put a large spoonful of 
 soup into its mouth, and the poor little thing 
 coughed violently for some time. 
 
 So Sylvie and I had to share the soup 
 between us, and to pretend to enjoy it, for it 
 certainly was very queerly cooked. 
 
 I only ventured to take one spoonful of it 
 ('' Sylvie's Summer-Soup," Bruno said it was), 
 and must candidly confess that it was not at 
 all nice ; and I could not feel surprised that 
 
XXIV] THE FROGS' BIRTHDAY-TREAT. 367 
 
 SO many of the guests had kept their mouths 
 shut up tight. 
 
 '' What's the soup made of, Bruno ? " said 
 Sylvie, who had put a spoonful of it to her lips, 
 and was making a wry face over it. 
 
 And Bruno's answer was anything but en- 
 couraging. '* Bits of things ! " 
 
 The entertainment was to conclude with 
 '* Bits of Shakespeare," as Sylvie expressed 
 it, which were all to be done by Bruno, Sylvie 
 being fully engaged in making the Frogs keep 
 their heads towards the stage : after which 
 Bruno was to appear in his real character, and 
 tell them a Story of his own invention. 
 
 "Will the Story have a Moral to it.?" I 
 asked Sylvie, while Bruno was away behind 
 the hedge, dressing for the first * Bit.' 
 
 *' I think so," Sylvie replied doubtfully. 
 " There generally is a Moral, only he puts it 
 in too soon." 
 
 "And will he say all the Bits of Shake- 
 speare ? " 
 
 " No, he'll only act them," said Sylvie. ** He 
 knows hardly any of the words. When I see 
 what he's dressed like, I've to tell the Frogs 
 
368 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 what character it is. They're always in such 
 a hurry to guess ! Don't you hear them all 
 saying ' What ? What ? ' " And so indeed they 
 were : it had only sounded like croaking, till 
 Sylvie explained it, but I could now make 
 out the ** Wawt ? W^awt ? " quite distinctly. 
 
 '' But why do they try to guess it before they 
 see it ? " 
 
 *' I don't know," Sylvie said: ''but they 
 always do. Sometimes they begin guessing 
 weeks and weeks before the day ! " 
 
 (So now, when you hear the Frogs croak- 
 ing in a particularly melancholy way, you may 
 be sure they're trying to guess Bruno's next 
 Shakespeare * Bit '. Isn't that interesting ?) 
 
 However, the chorus of guessing was cut 
 short by Bruno, who suddenly rushed on from 
 behind the scenes, and took a flying leap down 
 among the Frogs, to re-arrange them. 
 
 For the oldest and fattest Frog who had 
 
 never been properly arranged so that he could 
 see the stage, and so had no idea what was 
 
 going on was getting restless, and had upset 
 
 several of the Frogs, and turned others round 
 with their heads the wrong way. And it was 
 
xxiv] THE FROGS' BIRTHDAY-TREAT. 369 
 
 no good at all, Bruno said, to do a ' Bit' of 
 Shakespeare when there was nobody to look 
 at it (you see he didn't count me as anybody). 
 So he set to work with a stick, stirring them 
 up, very much as you would stir up tea in a 
 cup, till most of them had at least one great 
 stupid eye gazing at the stage. 
 
 " Oo must come and sit among them, Sylvie," 
 he said in despair, ** I've put these two side-by- 
 side, with their noses the same way, ever so 
 many times, but they do squarrel so ! " 
 
 So Sylvie took her place as * Mistress of the 
 Ceremonies,' and Bruno vanished again behind 
 the scenes, to dress for the first ' Bit.' 
 
 ** Hamlet ! " was suddenly proclaimed, in the 
 clear sweet tones I knew so well. The croak- 
 ing all ceased in a moment, and I turned to 
 the stage, in some curiosity to see what Bruno's 
 ideas were as to the behaviour of Shakespeare's 
 greatest Character. 
 
 According to this eminent interpreter of the 
 Drama, Hamlet wore a short black cloak 
 (which he chiefly used for muffling up his face, 
 as if he suffered a good deal from toothache), 
 and turned out his toes very much as he 
 
 B B 
 
370 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 walked. '' To be or not to be ! " Hamlet 
 remarked in a cheerful tone, and then turned 
 head-over-heels several times, his cloak drop- 
 ping off in the performance. 
 
 I felt a little disappointed : Bruno's con- 
 ception of the part seemed so wanting in 
 dignity. " Won't he say any more of the 
 speech ? " I whispered to Sylvie. 
 
 " I think not," Sylvie whispered in reply. 
 "He generally turns head-over-heels when he 
 doesn't know any more words." 
 
 Bruno had meanwhile settled the question 
 by disappearing from the stage ; and the Frogs 
 instantly began inquiring the name of the 
 next Character. 
 
 *' You'll know directly !" cried Sylvie, as she 
 adjusted two or three young Frogs that had 
 struggled round with their backs to the 
 stage. '' Macbeth ! " she added, as Bruno 
 re-appeared. 
 
 Macbeth had something twisted round him, 
 that went over one shoulder and under the 
 other arm, and was meant, I believe, for a 
 Scotch plaid. He had a thorn In his hand, 
 which he held out at arm's length, as If he 
 
xxiv] THE FROGS' BIRTHDAY-TREAT. 371 
 
 were a little afraid of it. " Is this a dagger?'' 
 Macbeth inquired, in a puzzled sort of tone : 
 and instantly a chorus of ''Thorn! Thorn!" 
 arose from the Frogs (I had quite learned to 
 understand their croaking by this time). 
 
 "It's a dagger V Sylvie proclaimed in a 
 peremptory tone. " Hold your tongues ! " And 
 the croaking ceased at once. 
 
 Shakespeare has not told us, so far as I 
 know, that Macbeth had any such eccentric 
 habit as turning head-over-heels in private 
 life : but Bruno evidently considered it quite 
 an essential part of the character, and left the 
 stage in a series of somersaults. However, 
 he was back again in a few moments, having 
 tucked under his chin the end of a tuft of 
 wool (probably left on the thorn by a wan- 
 dering sheep), which made a magnificent beard, 
 that reached nearly down to his feet. 
 
 " Shylock I " Sylvie proclaimed. " No, I beg 
 your pardon ! " she hastily corrected herself, 
 ** King Lear ! I hadn't noticed the crown." 
 (Bruno had very cleverly provided one, which 
 fitted him exactly, by cutting out the centre 
 of a diindelion to make room for his head.) 
 
 B B 2 
 
372 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 King Lear folded his arms (to the imminent 
 peril of his beard) and said, in a mild explana- 
 tory tone, ''Ay, every inch a king!" and then 
 paused, as if to consider how this could best be 
 proved. And here, with all possible deference 
 to Bruno as a Shakespearian critic, I 7nust 
 express my opinion that the poet did not mean 
 his three great tragic heroes to be so strangely 
 alike in their personal habits ; nor do I believe 
 that he would have accepted the faculty of 
 turning head-over-heels as any proof at all of 
 royal descent. Yet it appeared that King 
 Lear, after deep meditation, could think of no 
 other argument by which to prove his kingship : 
 and, as this was the last of the ' Bits ' of 
 Shakespeare ("We never do more than three,'' 
 Sylvie explained in a whisper), Bruno gave the 
 audience quite a long series of somersaults 
 before he finally retired, leaving the enraptured 
 Frogs all crying out " More ! More ! " which I 
 suppose was their way of encoring a perform- 
 ance. But Bruno wouldn't appear again, till 
 the proper time came for telling the Story. 
 
 When he appeared at last in his real character, 
 I noticed a remarkable change in his behaviour. 
 
XXIV] THE FROGS' BIRTHDAY-TREAT. 373 
 
374 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 He tried no more somersaults. It was clearly 
 his opinion that, however suitable the habit of 
 turning haad-over-heels might be to such petty 
 individuals as Hamlet and King Lear, it would 
 never do for Bruno to sacrifice his dignity to 
 such an extent. But it was equally clear that 
 he did not feel entirely at his ease, standing all 
 alone on the stage, with no costume to disguise 
 him : and though he began, several times, 
 
 '* There were a Mouse ," he kept glancing 
 
 up and down, and on all sides, as if In search of 
 more comfortable quarters from which to tell 
 the Story. Standing on one side of the stage, 
 and partly overshadowing it, was a tall fox- 
 glove, which seemed, as the evening breeze 
 gently swayed it hither and thither, to offer 
 exactly the sort of accommodation that the 
 orator desired. Having once decided on his 
 quarters, it needed only a second or two for 
 him to run up the stem like a tiny squirrel, and 
 to seat himself astride on the topmost bend, 
 where the fairy-bells clustered most closely, 
 and from whence he could look down on his 
 audience from such a height that all shyness 
 vanished, and he began his Story merrily. 
 
XXIV] THE FROGS' BIRTHDAY-TREAT. 375 
 
 *' Once there were a Mouse and a Crocodile 
 and a Man and a Goat and a Lion." I had 
 never heard the ' dramatis personae ' tumbled 
 into a story with such profusion and in such 
 reckless haste ; and it fairly took my breath 
 away. Even Sylvie gave a little gasp, and 
 allowed three of the Frogs, who seemed to be 
 getting tired of the entertainment, to hop 
 away into the ditch, without attempting to 
 stop them. 
 
 " And the Mouse found a Shoe, and it thought 
 it were a Mouse-trap. So it got right in, and it 
 stayed in ever so long." 
 
 " Why did it stay in ? " said Sylvie. Her 
 function seemed to be much the same as that 
 of the Chorus in a Greek Play : she had to 
 encourage the orator, and draw him out, by a 
 series of intelligent questions. 
 
 " 'Cause it thought it couldn't get out again," 
 Bruno explained. " It were a clever mouse. 
 It knew it couldn't get out of traps ! " 
 
 '* But why did it go in at all ? " said Sylvie. 
 
 " and it jamp, and it jamp," Bruno pro- 
 ceeded, ignoring this question, " and at last it 
 got right out again. And it looked at the mark 
 
376 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 in the Shoe. And the Man's name were in it. 
 So it knew it wasn't its own Shoe." 
 
 " Had it thought it was ? " said Sylvie. 
 
 ''Why, didn't I tell oo it thought it were a 
 Mouse-trap ? " the indignant orator replied. 
 " Please, Mister Sir, will oo make Sylvie at- 
 tend ? " Sylvie was silenced, and was all atten- 
 tion : in fact, she and I were most of the audi- 
 ence now, as the Frogs kept hopping away, 
 and there were very few of them left. 
 
 '* So the Mouse gave the Man his Shoe. 
 And the Man were welly glad, 'cause he hadn't 
 got but one Shoe, and he were hopping to get 
 the other." 
 
 Here I ventured on a question. " Do you 
 mean ' hopping,' or * hoping ' ? " 
 
 ''Bofe," said Bruno. "And the Man took 
 the Goat out of the Sack." (" We haven't heard 
 of the sack before," I said. " Nor you won't 
 hear of it again," said Bruno). " And he said 
 to the Goat, ' Oo will walk about here till I 
 comes back.' And he went and he tumbled 
 into a deep hole. And the Goat walked round 
 and round. And it walked under the Tree. 
 And it wug its tail. And it looked up in the 
 
XXIV] THE FROGS' BIRTHDAY-TREAT. 377 
 
 Tree. And it sang a sad litde Song. Oo 
 never heard such a sad litde Song ! " 
 
 '' Can you sing it, Bruno ? " I asked. 
 
 " Iss, I can," Bruno readily replied. '' And 
 I sa'n't. It would make Sylvie cry " 
 
 '* It wouldn't!" Sylvie interrupted in great 
 indignation. *' And I don't believe the Goat 
 sang it at all ! " 
 
 " It did, though !" said Bruno. '' It singed 
 it right froo. I sawed it singing with its 
 long beard " 
 
 "It couldn't sing with its beard',' I said, 
 hoping to puzzle the little fellow: *'a beard 
 isn't a voiced 
 
 " Well then, 00 couldn't walk with Sylvie ! " 
 Bruno cried triumphantly. " Sylvie isn't a 
 foot ! " 
 
 I thought I had better follow Sylvie's ex- 
 ample, and be silent for a while. Bruno was 
 too sharp for us. 
 
 *' And when it had singed all the Song, it 
 
 ran away for to get along to look for the 
 
 Man, 00 know. And the Crocodile got along 
 
 after it for to bite it, 00 know. And the 
 
 Mouse got along after the Crocodile." 
 
378 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 ''Wasn't the Crocodile runnrng?'' Sylvie 
 enquired. She appealed to me. '* Crocodiles 
 do run, don't they "^ " 
 
 I suggested ''crawling" as the proper word. 
 
 " He wasn't running," said Bruno, " and he 
 wasn't crawling. He went struggling along like 
 a portmanteau. And he held his chin ever so 
 high in the air " 
 
 " What did he do that for } " said Sylvie. 
 
 " 'cause he hadn't got a toofache ! " said 
 Bruno. " Ca'n't oo make out nuffin wizout I 
 'splain it ? Why, if he'd had a toofache, a 
 
 course he'd have held his head down like 
 
 this and he'd have put a lot of warm 
 
 blankets round it ! " 
 
 " If he'd had 2iny blankets," Sylvie argued. 
 
 "Course he had blankets!" retorted her 
 brother. " Doos oo think Crocodiles goes 
 walks wizout blankets } And he frowned with 
 his eyebrows. And the Goat was welly 
 flightened at his eyebrows ! " 
 
 " I'd never be ^.ir^id oi eyebrows / '' exclaimed 
 Sylvie. 
 
 " I should think oo would, though, if they'd 
 got a Crocodile fastened to them, like these 
 
xxiv] THE FROGS' BIRTHDAY-TREAT. 379 
 
 had ! And so the Man jamp, and he jamp, 
 and at last he got right out of the hole." 
 
 Sylvie gave another little gasp : this rapid 
 dodging about among the characters of the 
 Story had taken away her breath. 
 
 " And he runned away for to look for the 
 
 Goat, oo know. And he heard the Lion 
 
 grunting 
 
 *' Lions don't grunt," said Sylvie. 
 
 " This one did," said Bruno. " And its 
 mouth were like a large cupboard. And it had 
 plenty of room in its mouth. And the Lion 
 
 runned after the Man for to eat him, oo know. 
 
 And the Mouse runned after the Lion." 
 
 " But the Mouse was running after the 
 Crocodile^' I said : " he couldn't run after 
 both!'' 
 
 Bruno sighed over the density of his audi- 
 ence, but explained very patiently. "He did 
 runned after bofe : 'cause they went the same 
 way ! And first he caught the Crocodile, and 
 then he didn't catch the Lion. And when he'd 
 caught the Crocodile, what doos oo think he did 
 'cause he'd got pincers in his pocket ? " 
 
 *' I ca'n't guess," said Sylvie. 
 
38o 
 
 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 " Nobody couldn't guess it! " Bruno cried in 
 high glee. " Why, he wrenched out that 
 Crocodile's toof! " 
 
 " Which tooth ? " I ventured to ask. 
 
 But Bruno was not to be puzzled. " The 
 toof he were going to bite the Goat with, a 
 course ! " 
 
 ''He couldn't be sure about that," I argued, 
 ** unless he wrenched out all its teeth." 
 
xxiv] THE FROGS' BIRTHDAY TREAT. 381 
 
 Bruno laughed merrily, and half sang, as he 
 swung himself backwards and forwards, " He 
 did wrenched out all its teef!" 
 
 "Why did the Crocodile wait to have them 
 wrenched out ? " said Sylvie. 
 
 " It had to wait," said Bruno. 
 
 I ventured on another question. '* But what 
 became of the Man who said * You may wait 
 here till I come back ' ? " 
 
 " He didn't say ' Oo may' " Bruno explained. 
 "■ He said, ' Oo will' Just like Sylvie says to 
 me * Oo will do oor lessons till twelve o'clock.' 
 Oh, I wiss!' he added with a little sigh, 
 " I wiss Sylvie would say * Oo may do oor 
 lessons ' ! " 
 
 This was a dangerous subject for discussion, 
 Sylvie seemed to think. She returned to the 
 Story. " But what became of the Man ? " 
 
 **Well, the Lion springed at him. But it 
 came so slow, it were three weeks in the 
 air " 
 
 " Did the Man wait for it all that time .? " 
 I said. 
 
 ** Course he didn't ! " Bruno replied, gliding 
 head-first down the stem of the fox-glove, for 
 
382 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 the Story was evidently close to its end. ''He 
 sold his house, and he packed up his things, 
 while the Lion were coming. And he went 
 and he lived in another town. So the Lion ate 
 the wrong man." 
 
 This was evidently the Moral : so Sylvie 
 made her final proclamation to the Frogs. 
 "The Story's finished ! And whatever is to be 
 learned from it," she added, aside to me, '' I'm 
 sure / don't know ! " 
 
 I did not feel quite clear about it myself, so 
 made no suggestion : but the Frogs seemed 
 quite content. Moral or no Moral, and merely 
 raised a husky chorus of ** Off! Off! " as they 
 hopped away. 
 
CHAPTER XXV. 
 
 LOOKING EASTWARD. 
 
 *' It's just a week," I said, three days later, 
 to Arthur, " since we heard of Lady Muriers 
 engagement. I think / ought to call, at any 
 rate, and offer my congratulations. Won't 
 you come with me ? " 
 
 A pained expression passed over his face. 
 *' When must you leave us ? " he asked. 
 
 '* By the first train on Monday." 
 
 "Well yes, I will come with you. It 
 
 would seem strange and unfriendly if I didn't. 
 But this is only Friday. Give me till Sunday 
 afternoon. I shall be stronger then." 
 
384 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 Shading his eyes with one hand, as if half- 
 ashamed of the tears that were coursing down 
 his cheeks, he held the other out to me. It 
 trembled as I clasped it. 
 
 I tried to frame some words of sympathy ; 
 but they seemed poor and cold, and I left them 
 unspoken. '* Good night ! " was all I said. 
 
 " Good night, dear friend ! " he replied. 
 There was a manly vigour in his tone that 
 convinced me he was wrestling with, and 
 triumphing over, the great sorrow that had 
 
 so nearly wrecked his life and that, on the 
 
 stepping-stone of his dead self, he would 
 surely rise to higher things ! 
 
 There was no chance, I was glad to think, 
 as we set out on Sunday afternoon, of meeting 
 Eric at the Hall, as he had returned to town 
 the day after his engagement was announced. 
 
 His presence might have disturbed the calm 
 
 the almost unnatural calm with which Arthur 
 
 met the woman who had won his heart, and 
 murmured the few graceful words of sympathy 
 that the occasion demanded. 
 
 Lady Muriel was perfectly radiant with 
 happiness : sadness could not live in the light 
 
XXV] LOOKING EASTWARD. 385 
 
 of such a smile : and even Arthur brightened 
 under it, and, when she remarked " You see 
 I'm watering my flowers, though it is the 
 Sabbath-Day," his voice had almost its old ring 
 of cheerfulness as he replied '* Even on the 
 Sabbath- Day works of mercy are allowed. 
 But this isnt the Sabbath- Day. The Sabbath- 
 Day has ceased to exist." 
 
 " I know it's not Saturday'' Lady Muriel 
 replied : '* but isn't Sunday often called ' the 
 Christian Sabbath ' ? " 
 
 "It is so called, I think, in recognition of 
 the spirit of the Jewish institution, that one day 
 in seven should be a day of rest. But I hold 
 that Christians are freed from the literal obser- 
 vance of the Fourth Commandment." 
 
 ** Then where is our authority for Sunday 
 observance ? " 
 
 ** We have, first, the fact that the seventh 
 day was ' sanctified ', when God rested from the 
 work of Creation. That is binding on us as 
 Theists. Secondly, we have the fact that ' the 
 Lord's Day ' is a Christian institution. That 
 is binding on us as Christians!' 
 
 " And your practical rules would be ?" 
 
 c c 
 
386 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 '* First, as Thelsts, to keep it holy in some 
 special way, and to make it, so far as is 
 reasonably possible, a day of rest. Secondly, 
 as Christians, to attend public worship." 
 
 *' And what oi amusements P" 
 
 " I would say of them, as of all kinds of 
 work, whatever is innocent on a week-day, is 
 innocent on Sunday, provided it does not inter- 
 fere with the duties of the day." 
 
 ** Then you would allow children to play on 
 Sunday ? " 
 
 *' Certainly I should. Why make the day 
 irksome to their restless natures ? " 
 
 ** I have a letter somewhere," said Lady 
 Muriel, '' from an old friend, describing the way 
 in which Sunday was kept in her younger days. 
 I will fetch it for you." 
 
 " I had a similar description, viva voce, years 
 ago," Arthur said when she had left us, '' from 
 a little girl. It was really touching to hear the 
 melancholy tone in which she said * On Sunday 
 I mustn't play with my doll ! On Sunday I 
 mustn't run on the sands ! On Sunday I mustn't 
 dig in the garden ! ' Poor child ! She had in- 
 deed abundant cause for hating Sunday ! " 
 
XXv] LOOKING EASTWARD. 387 
 
 *' Here is the letter," said Lady Muriel, re- 
 turning. " Let me read you a piece of it." 
 
 " When, as a child, I first opened my eyes 
 on a SM7iday -morning, a feeling of dismal an- 
 ticipation, which began at least on the Friday, 
 culminated. I knew what was before me, and 
 my wish, if not my word, was * Would God 
 it were evening I ' // was no day of rest, 
 but a day of texts, of catechisms [Watts), of 
 tracts about converted swearers, godly char- 
 women, and edifying deaths of sinners saved. 
 
 " Up with the lark, hymns and portions of 
 Scripture had to be learned by heart till 8 
 d clock, when there were family-prayers, then 
 breakfast, which I was never able to enjoy, partly 
 from the fast already undergone, and partly 
 from the outlook I dreaded. 
 
 ''At 9 came Sunday-School ; and it made 
 me indignant to be put into the class with the 
 village- children, as well as alar^ned lest, by some 
 mistake of mine, I should be put below them. 
 
 " The Church- Service was a veritable Wilder- 
 ness of Zin. I wandered in it, pitching the 
 tabernacle of my thoughts on the lining of the 
 
 c c 2 
 
388 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 < 
 
 square family-pew, the fidgets of my small 
 brothers, and the horror of knowing that, on 
 the Monday, I should have to write out, from 
 m.em.ory, jottings of the rambling disconnected 
 exte^npore semnon, which might have had any 
 text but its own, and to stand or fall by the 
 result, 
 
 " This was followed by a cold dinner at i 
 (servants to have no work), Sunday -School again 
 froTn 2 to 4, and Evening- Service at 6. The 
 intervals were perhaps the greatest trial of all, 
 from the efforts I had to make, to be less than 
 usually sinful, by reading books and sermons as 
 barren as the Dead Sea. There was but one 
 rosy spot, in the distance, all that day : and that 
 was ' bed-time,' which never could come too 
 early / " 
 
 ** Such teaching was well meant, no doubt," 
 said Arthur ; *' but it must have driven many of 
 its victims into deserting the Church-Services 
 altogether. " 
 
 *' I'm afraid / was a deserter this morning," 
 she gravely said. " I had to write to Eric. 
 Would you would you mind my telling you 
 
XXV] LOOKING EASTWARD. 389 
 
 something he said about prayer ? It had never 
 struck me in that light before." 
 
 *' In what light ? " said Arthur. 
 
 *' Why, that all Nature goes by fixed, regular 
 laws Science has proved ^Aa^. So that ask- 
 ing God to do anything (except of course pray- 
 ing for spiritual blessings) is to expect a miracle : 
 and we've no right to do that. I've not put it 
 as well as he did : but that was the outcome of 
 it, and it has confused me. Please tell me what 
 you can say in answer to it." 
 
 " I don't propose to discuss Captain Lindons 
 difficulties," Arthur gravely replied ; "specially 
 as he is not present. But, if it is your diffi- 
 culty," (his voice unconsciously took a tenderer 
 tone) *' then I will speak." 
 
 "It is my difficulty," she said anxiously. 
 
 ''Then I will begin by asking 'Why did you 
 except spiritual blessings ? ' Is not your mind 
 a part of Nature ? " 
 
 ** Yes, but Free-Will comes in there — I can 
 choose this or that ; and God can influence my 
 choice." 
 
 ** Then you are not a Fatalist ? " 
 
 " Oh, no ! " she earnestly exclaimed. 
 
390 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 " Thank God ! " Arthur said to himself, but 
 in so low a whisper that only / heard it. " You 
 grant then that I can. by an act of free choice, 
 move this cup," suiting the action to the word, 
 '^ this way or that way ? " 
 
 '* Yes, I grant it." 
 
 ** Well, let us see how far the result is pro- 
 duced by fixed laws. The cup moves because 
 certain mechanical forces are impressed on it 
 by my hand. My hand moves because certain 
 forces electric, magnetic, or whatever ' nerve- 
 force ' may prove to be are impressed on it 
 
 by my brain. This nerve-force, stored in the 
 brain, would probably be traceable, if Science 
 were complete, to chemical forces supplied to 
 the brain by the blood, and ultimately derived 
 from the food I eat and the air I breathe." 
 
 '* But would not that be Fatalism ? Where 
 would Free-Will come in ? " 
 
 " In choice of nerves," replied Arthur. *' The 
 nerve-force in the brain may flow just as natur- 
 ally down one nerve as down another. We 
 need something more than a fixed Law of 
 Nature to settle which nerve shall carry it. 
 That 'something' is Free-Will." 
 
XXV] LOOKING EASTWARD. 391 
 
 Her eyes sparkled," " I see what you mean ! " 
 she exclaimed. " Human Free-Will is an ex- 
 ception to the system of fixed Law. Eric said 
 something like that. And then I think he 
 pointed out that God can only influence Nature 
 by influencing Human Wills. So that we might 
 reasonably pray 'give us this day our daily 
 bread! because many of the causes that produce 
 bread are under Man's control. But to pray 
 for rain, or fine weather, would be as unreason- 
 able as " she checked herself, as if fearful of 
 
 saying something irreverent. 
 
 In a hushed, low tone, that trembled with 
 emotion, and with the solemnity of one in the 
 presence of death, Arthur slowly replied *' Shall 
 he that contendeth with the Almighty instruct 
 him ? Shall we, * the swarm that in the noon- 
 tide beam were born,' feeling in ourselves the 
 power to direct, this way or that, the forces of 
 
 Nature of Nature, of which we form so 
 
 trivial a part shall we, in our boundless arro- 
 gance, in our pitiful conceit, deny that power to 
 the Ancient of Days ? Saying, to our Creator, 
 * Thus far and no further. Thou madest, but 
 tho!i canst not rule ! ' ? " 
 
392 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 Lady Muriel had covered her face in her 
 hands, and did not look up. . She only mur- 
 mured ''Thanks, thanks!" again and again. 
 
 We rose to go. Arthur said, with evident 
 effort, " One word more. If you would know 
 the power of Prayer in anything and every- 
 thing that Man can need try it. Ask, and 
 
 it shall be given yoti. I have tried it. I 
 
 know that God answers prayer ! " 
 
 Our walk home was a silent one, till we 
 had nearly reached the lodgings : then Arthur 
 
 murmured and it was almost an echo of my 
 
 own thoughts " What knowest thou, O wife, 
 
 whether thou shall save thy husband?'' 
 
 The subject was not touched on again. We 
 sat on, talking, while hour after hour, of this 
 our last night together, glided away unnoticed. 
 He had much to tell me about India, and 
 the new life he was going to, and the work 
 he hoped to do. And his great generous soul 
 seemed so filled with noble ambition as to have 
 no space left for any vain regret or selfish 
 repining. 
 
 " Come, it is nearly morning ! " Arthur said 
 at last, rising and leading the way upstairs. 
 
XXV] LOOKING EASTWARD. 393 
 
 " The sun will be rising in a few minutes : 
 and, though I have basely defrauded you of 
 your last chance of a night's rest here, I'm 
 sure you'll forgive me : for I really couldnt 
 bring myself to say * Good night ' sooner. And 
 God knows whether you'll ever see me again, 
 or hear of me ! " 
 
 ''Hear of you I am certain I shall!" I 
 warmly responded, and quoted the concluding 
 lines of that strange poem ' Waring ' : — 
 
 " Oh, 7iever star 
 Was lost herCy but it rose afar ! 
 Look East, where whole new thousands are ! 
 hi Vishfiu-latid what A vatar ? " 
 
 "Aye, look Eastward!" Arthur eagerly re- 
 plied, pausing at the stair-case window, which 
 commanded a fine view of the sea and the 
 eastward horizon. " The West is the fitting 
 tomb for all the sorrow and the sighing, all the 
 errors and the follies of the Past : for all its 
 withered Hopes and all its buried Loves I 
 From the East comes new strength, new am- 
 bition, new Hope, new Life, new Love ! Look 
 Eastward ! Aye, look Eastward ! " 
 
394 SYLVIE AND BRUNO. 
 
 His last words were still ringing in my ears 
 as I entered my room, and undrew the window- 
 curtains, just in time to see the sun burst in 
 glory from his ocean-prison, and clothe the 
 world in the light of a new day. 
 
 "So may it be for him, and me, and all of 
 us!" I mused. ** All that is evil, and dead, 
 and hopeless, fading with the Night that is 
 past ! All that is good, and living, and hope- 
 ful, rising with the dawn of Day ! 
 
 ** Fading, with the Night, the chilly mists, 
 and the noxious vapours, and the heavy shadows, 
 and the wailing gusts, and the owFs melancholy 
 hootings : rising, with the Day, the darting 
 shafts of light, and the wholesome morning 
 breeze, and the warmth of a dawning life, 
 and the mad music of the lark ! Look 
 Eastward ! 
 
 " Fading, with the Night, the clouds of 
 ignorance, and the deadly blight of sin, and 
 the silent tears of sorrow : and ever rising, 
 higher, higher, with the Day, the radiant dawn 
 of knowledge, and the sweet breath of purity, 
 and the throb of a world's ecstasy ! Look 
 Eastward ! 
 
XXV] 
 
 LOOKING EASTWARD. 
 
 395 
 
 ^ 
 
 '' Fading, with the Night, the memory of 
 a dead love, and the withered leaves of a 
 blighted hope, and the sickly repinings and 
 moody regrets that numb the best energies of 
 the soul : and rising, broadening, rolling up- 
 ward like a living flood, the manly resolve, and 
 the dauntless will, and the heavenward gaze 
 
 of faith the substance of thiftgs hoped for^ 
 
 the evidence of things not seen ! 
 
 ''Look Eastward! Aye, look Eastward!" 
 
 THE END. 
 
INDEX. 
 
 Artistic effect dependent on indistinctness (!) ; 241 
 
 Barometer, sideways motion of; 13 
 
 Bath, portable, for Tourists; 25 
 
 Books or minds. Which contain most Science ? 2 1 
 
 Boots for horizontal weather; 14 
 
 Brain, inverted position of; 243 
 
 Bread-sauce. What appropriate for ? 58 
 
 Carrying one's-^^^. Why not fatiguing? 169 
 
 Child's view of purpose of Life ; 330 
 
 Choristers' life, danger of; 274 
 
 Church-going, principle of; 272 
 
 Conceited people always depreciate others; 237 
 
 Content, opportunity for cultivating; 152 
 
 Conversation, how to indicate parentheses in ; 251 
 
 „ ,, ,, questions in ; 251 
 
 * Convenient ' and * Inconvenient,' different meanings ; 140 
 Critic, conceited, always at^reciates ; 237 
 
 ,, how to gain reputation of; 238 
 Crocodiles, logic of; 230 
 
 Darwinism reversed ; 64 
 
 Day, shortness of, and length of, compared; 159 
 
 „ true length of; 159 
 Debt, how to avoid payment of; 131 
 Dreaminess, certain cure for; 136 
 
INDEX. 397 
 
 Electricity, influence of, on Literature ; 64 
 Enjoyment of life, secret of; 335 
 Events in reversed order; 350 
 Extreme sobriety, inconvenience of; 140 
 Eye, images inverted by ; 242 
 
 Fairies, how to improve character of; 190 
 „ „ recognise presence of; 191 
 
 Falling house, life in a ; 100 
 Final Causes, problem in ; 297 
 Free-will and nerve-force ; 390 
 Frog, young, how to amuse ; 364 
 
 Gardener's Song; Elephant; 65. Buffalo; 78. Rattle- 
 snake; 83. Banker's Clerk; 90. Kangaroo; 106. 
 Coach-and-Four ; 116. Albatross; 164. Garden- 
 Door; 168 
 Ghosts, treatment of, by Shakespeare ; 60 
 
 „ „ in Railway-Literature ; 58 
 
 „ weltering, appropriate fluid for; 58 
 Graduated races of men ; 299 
 
 Happiness, excessive, how to moderate ; 159 
 Honesty, Dr. Watts' argument for; 235 
 Horizontal rain, boots for ; 14 
 House falling through Space, life in a; 100 
 Hymns appealing to selfishness; 276 
 
 * Inconvenient ' and * Convenient ', different meanings ; 140 
 Indistinctness necessary for artistic effect (!) ; 241 
 Inversion of Brain ; 243 
 
 „ images on Retina ; 242 
 
398 INDEX. 
 
 Ladies, logic of; 235 
 
 Least Common Multiple, rule of, applied to Literature; 22 
 Life, how to enjoy; 335 
 „ in falling house ; too 
 „ in reversed order ; 350 
 „ purpose of, as viewed by Child ; 330 
 „ regarded as a Drama; 333 
 Literature, development of, due to Steam ; 64 
 
 „ „ „ Electricity ; 64 
 
 „ for Railway; 58 
 
 „ treated by Rule of Least Common Multiple; 22 
 Little man, privilege of being a; 299 
 Liturgy, chanted, effect of; 273 
 Logic of Crocodiles ; 230 
 Dr. Watts; 235 
 „ ladies; 235 
 
 „ requisites for complete argument in ; 259 
 Loving or being loved. Which is best? 77 
 
 Men, graduated races of; 299 
 „ little, privileges of; 299 
 Minds or books. Which contain most Science? 21 
 Money, effect of doubling value of; 312 
 Music, how to get the largest amount of; 338 
 
 Nerve-force and free-will ; 390 
 Nerves, curiously slow action of; 158 
 Novel-reading, how to enjoy; 336 
 
 Onus probandi misplaced by Crocodiles ; 230 
 
 Dr. Watts; 235 
 „ ladies; 235 
 
 Order of events reversed ; 250 
 
INDEX 399 
 
 Pain, how to minimise ; 337 
 
 Paley's definition of Virtue; 274 
 
 Parentheses in conversation, how to indicate; 251 
 
 *Phlizz', a visionary flower; 282 
 
 fruit; 75 
 „ „ nurse-maid ; 283 
 
 Pictures, how to criticize ; 238 
 Pleasure, how to maximise ; 335 
 Plunge-bath, portable ; 25 
 Poor people, simple method for enriching; 312 
 Portable bath for tourists; 25 
 Poverty, the blessings of; 152 
 Prayer for temporal blessings, effect of; 391 
 Preachers, exceptional privileges of; 277 
 „ appealing to selfishness ; 276 
 Proof, burden of, misplaced by Crocodiles; 230 
 
 Dr. Watts; 235 
 » ladies; 235 
 
 Questions in conversation, how to indicate ; 251 
 
 Railway-literature ; 58 
 
 „ scenes regarded as dramatic ; 333 
 Rain, horizontal, boots for; 14 
 Retina, images inverted on ; 242 
 Reversed order of events ; 350 
 
 Scenery, enjoyment of, by little men ; 299 
 Science. Do books, or minds, contain most ? 2 1 
 Selfishness appealed to in hymns ; 276 
 
 „ „ religious teaching; 275 
 
 „ „ sermons; 276 
 
 Sermons appealing to selfishness ; 276 
 
400 INDEX. 
 
 Shakespeare, passages treated of : — 
 
 'All the world's a stage ' ; 335 
 
 'Aye, every inch a king ! ' ; 373 
 
 'Is this a dagger that I see before me?' ; 371 
 
 * Rest, rest, perturbed Spirit ! ' ; 60 
 
 'To be, or not to be ' ; 370 
 Shakespeare's treatment of ghosts ; 60 
 Short man, privilege of being a ; 299 
 Sillygism, requisites for a; 259 
 Sobriety, extreme, inconvenience of; 140 
 Spencer, Herbert, difficulties in ; 258 
 Sport, false and true; 318 
 Steam, influence of, on Literature; 64 
 Sunday, as spent by children of last generation ; 387 
 „ observance of ; 385 
 
 Time, how to put back; 314, 347 
 
 „ reverse; 350 
 Tourists' portable bath ; 25 
 
 Virtue, Paley's definition of; 274 
 
 Watts, Dr., weak logic of; 235 
 
 Weather, horizontal, boots for; 14 
 
 Weight, relative, conceivably non-existent ; 100 
 
 Weltering, appropriate fluids for; 58 
 
WORKS OF LEWIS CARROLL 
 
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