UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA 
 AT LOS ANGELES


 
 '"'.Alias A?&P - : 
 
 . ...TE. 
 
 LETTERS 
 
 P 
 
 SIMKIN THE SECOND, 
 
 POETIC RECORDER OF ALL THE 
 
 PROCEEDINGS, 
 
 UPON THE TRIAL OF 
 
 WARREN HASTINGS, Esa, 
 
 IN WESTMINSTER HALL. 
 
 / curre per Alpes, 
 
 Ut PUERAS placeas et DEC LAMATIO/^J/ 
 
 JUVENAL. 
 
 Enlighten' d State/man! go through Toil and Strife, 
 
 And for thy Country's Good, embroil thy Life. 
 
 Go mighty Warrior! wide and wider roam, 
 
 To come at length, and be abus'd at home. ANON. 
 
 LONDON: 
 
 flUNTED FO* JOHIV 5TOCKDALE, OPPOSITE BURLINGTON HOUSE, 
 PICCADILLY. 
 
 M.DCC.XQI 
 
 [<ntetet> at
 
 DEDICATION 
 
 HONORABLE, AND RIGHT HONORABLE, 
 
 in 
 (M 
 
 g MANAGERS OF THE IMPEACHMENT 
 
 O F 
 
 WARREN HASTINGS, Efq. 
 
 Y E far-fam'd Heroes ! greateft, beft of Men, 
 Accept this Tribute, from your Poet's pen, * 
 
 For gratitude alone infpires his lays, 
 And bids him ling each hardy Leader's praife. 
 Never did Warriors, fuch a battle wage, 
 
 Mfe 1 
 
 pa' Jn ftrife/o defpirats, ne'er did Chiefs engage. 
 
 B What
 
 C " ] 
 
 What godlike qualities have all difplay'd ! ! 
 The Knights of MALTA in a new crufade ! ! ! 
 
 But thou, great EDMUND ! whofe enlightened breaft, 
 Glows 'with Philanthropy, above the reft, 
 Whofe endlefs labour, in an Empire's caufe, 
 Claims what it ne'er recefo'd, the World's applaufe, * 
 In future ages thy illuftrious Name, 
 Shall rival Cato's, in the field of fame. 
 But fay, (hall he, who does each day devote, 
 To ferve whole Nations, polim'd, -f- tho' remote, 
 From fenfelefs Britons, find no prefent meed ? 
 What's future praife, for fuch a glorious deed ? 
 If Virtue then mufl be its own reward, 
 The times we live in, are extremely hard. 
 The fuffering millions, they whofe canfe you try, 
 Difown their Patrons, give them all the Lye, J 
 
 * In the firft ftage of the prefent Impeachment, Mr. Montaguer 
 Avith great feeling, lamented the fituation of his poof friend Mr. 
 Burke, and while he mourned the weaknefs of thefe latter times, 
 faid, that Simkin's Hero muft look to pofterity, as other great men 
 had dorie before him, for the reward of his labours. 
 
 f Mr. Burke defcribing the natives of Indoftan in the Houfe of 
 Commons, faid, that they were " fam'd for all the arts of polifh'd 
 " life, while we were yet in the woods." 
 
 $ Though a very fincere admirer of Simkin, I fliould think it 
 neceflary to advife him to change this line, or to expunge it totally, if 
 a noble Lord, one of the Managers, had not repeatedly ufed the 
 fame expreffion in the Houfe of Commons, during the debates 
 upon the Regency Bill. 
 
 The
 
 C 3 3 
 
 The crowded Audience, whom you entertain, 
 Opprefs'd by Taxes, of ihe Cod complain^ 
 The watchful Senate murmurs at fexpence, 
 And thinks the Charges of each year, immenfe i 
 EDMUND proceed, 'tis thine to perfevere; 
 Shall clamour Ox>p thee,* in thy bold career ? 
 Still may thy Breaft o'erflow with patriot zeal, 
 Whilft vulgar fouls, attend the public weal. 
 
 Fox, tho' thy Speeches are but four Days long, -J- 
 Thy zeal, like BURKE'S, is ftedfaft, bold, and ftrong, 
 
 * Alluding to certain filly afperlions out of doors Firft, as to 
 the enormous expence of the Impeachment Secondly, as to the 
 prefent ftate of India And thirdly, a bold aflertion hazarded by 
 one Major Scott in the Houfe and out of it that India is at this mo- 
 ment governed upon the fyftem laid down by Haftings, and con- 
 demned by the Managers* 
 
 f A great deal of moft aftohifhing eloquence, as Mr. Burke faid, 
 \vas heard in the Houfe of Commons before Lord North could be 
 driven from office ; but thanks to the Impeachment, we have gone 
 greatly beyond our forefathers. In the time of Mr. Pulteney, a 
 Speech of half an hour, would fet Country Gentlemeu to fleep. 
 Mr. Sheridan on the Begum Charge in the Commons, fppke live 
 hours and a quarter Sir James Erfkine, who determined to go be- 
 yond him, with his eye upon the clock, and chin upon the table, con < 
 tinued upon his legs, five minutes longer than Mr. Sheridan. Mr. 
 Burke who fcorns to be outdone, made laft year a Speech of four 
 days in Weftmi-nfter Hall Sir Gilbert Elliot followed this example 
 in the Commons Mr. Sheridan concluded laft year by a Speech of 
 four days, and Mr. Burke began this year in the fame manner. 
 
 B 2 Im-
 
 r 4 3 
 
 Impaflion'd, eager, vengeance in thy view, 
 The man \vho caus'd thy fall, to death purfue. 
 
 Encomiums fuited to the worth of GREY, 
 SIM KIN, alas ! wants language to convey ; 
 "Whatever form, or character he pleafe, 
 GREY can aflame, and act each part with eafe. 
 One minute fee him (liine, an able Pleader, 
 The next a Clerk like, monotonic reader, 
 The thicd, a Bottle-holder to his leader^ 
 
 i 
 
 Advance, illuftrious Chiefs, renew the fight, 
 SIMKIN (hall each heroic adl recite, 
 GREY, Fox, and SURFACE, with their General BURKE, 
 'Shall ornament, and grace, a future work, 
 In the next year, ftiouldjlars inferior Jhine , 
 Their rays (hall add, new fplendor to my line. 
 
 . * Simkin here feems to allude to a prevailing opinion,, that the 
 partizans of Mr. Haftings at the India Houfe, firft raifed the alarm, 
 _upon the celebrated Bill of Mr. Fox, and he now juftifies the vio- 
 .lence of that Gentleman, as perfe&ly confonant to the lex tationis 
 . forgetting how ill this agrees with the character which Mr. Fojc 
 y&i given of himfelf) 
 
 Immicitia placubiles^ amiciti ae 
 
 THE
 
 THE 
 
 P R E F A C E, 
 
 ?o the P U B L I C. 
 
 IF I Jhould not be reckoned a. POET, I may at leajl 
 be held as an Adventurer -for no Writer ever Jlep- 
 ped forward on ground lefs amujing, and where even 
 the fictions of Poetry could not go beyond the fftions 
 of ORATORY ; perhaps I may boajl the 'Triumph of 
 having kept fome people awake : and am therefore as 
 meritorious as the Gout, 
 
 If farther vanity I might indulge-*-it 'would be, 
 that If my Heroes have not been HECTORS or NES- 
 TORS nor I, a HOMER, 
 
 Still there have been contentions about 
 My Works. One pleafant Bookfeller 
 Has maintained, I do not know my 
 ' ' Own writing fo well as he does^ that 
 his ~ 
 
 " Is the true Mag-pie," 
 
 B 3 And
 
 C 6 ] 
 
 And that He, and not myfelf am entitled to my 
 Works. But as I have no right to make any obliging 
 Gentleman of this fort, anfuuerfor my Jtnsfo will 
 I fairly fay that having committed my writing to 
 the WORLD, when they are taken out of the World 
 as all Children mujl die my Undertaker is 
 
 Mr. JOHN STOCKDALE, BOOKSELLER, 
 in PICCADILLY. 
 
 THE AUTHOR, 
 
 A DE-
 
 A 
 
 DESCRIPTION 
 
 OF THE TRIAL OF 
 
 WARREN HASTINGS, 
 
 LETTER I. 
 
 lOU haveafk'd me, dear SIMON, a number of times, 
 To fend you fome more of my ludicrous rhimes ; 
 Want of matter has hitherto eheck'd my endeavour, 
 But a fubject occurs which may laft me for ever. 
 
 You muft know, Mr. BURKE, who was quondam a 
 
 teacher, 
 
 An ujher, I think, is become an IMPEACHER ; 
 In the Houfe he had rail'd againft HASTINGS fo long, 
 That the Commons believ'd, he had done fomething 
 
 wrong ; 
 
 So. they articles voted, not lefs than afcore, 
 Tho' EDMUND fays, he cou'd havefram'd many more. 
 
 64 As
 
 [8] 
 
 As my hero aflerted, and HASTINGS deny'd, 
 A day was appointed for him to be try'd. 
 But now for a time I muft make a digreflion, 
 To give an account of the court in proceflion. 
 
 THE PROCESSION. 
 
 The LORD CHANCELLOR'S family firft came in view, 
 And the order obferv'd, was to walk two and two ; 
 Then the CLERKS and the MASTERS in CHANCERY 
 
 came, 
 
 Then the Judges of England in duo's the fame, 
 With AD AIR the King's Serjeant, and then the Black 
 
 Rod; 
 
 Then Heralds, and Barons, and Fathers in God. 
 After them were the Vifcounts, Earls, MarquirTes een, 
 Then the Dukes, the Archbij/jops, and Cryer come in. 
 Next follows the Chancellor, and laft of all 
 Dukes Cumberland, Glofter, and York, and Cornwall. 
 All after the Heralds walk fmgly, alone, 
 And each as he pafies, bows low to the Throne ; 
 So much for the Nobles, and now I'll defcribe 
 The proceflion of BURKE and his eloquent tribe. 
 Firft EDMUND walks in at the head of the groupe^ 
 The powerful chief of a powerful troop ; 
 What awful folemnitfs feen in his gait ! 
 While the -nod of his head, beats the time to his feet. 
 
 CHARLES,
 
 C 9 ] 
 
 CHARLES Fox is the fecond, and clofe to his right, 
 
 Whofe waddle declares he will never go ftraight. 
 
 The ruby fac'd SHERIDAN follows the third, 
 
 The oppofer of PITT and the Treafury Board ; 
 
 His attention, 'tis faid, has fo long been directed 
 
 To the National Debts, that his own are neglected, 
 
 And on public affairs, where fuch management's Jhewn, 
 
 No wonder a man cannot think of his own. 
 
 Next ADAM comes in with a fpit by his fide, 
 
 And fhruts like a turkey-cock fwelling with pride ; 
 
 Then follows ANSTRUTHER that weathercock elf, 
 
 As a proof how a man may diflent from himfelf; 
 
 To the Governor HASTINGS his praife was profufe, 
 
 On, HASTINGS the pris'ner, he pours forth abufe : 
 
 Then follows young GREY, an exact imitator 
 
 Of the fcurrilous BURKE, a mod promifing prater ; 
 
 Tho' all muft lament that he's under fuch banners, 
 
 As evil community injures good manners. 
 
 Then PELHAM, FITZPATRICK, arid WINDHAM came 
 
 forth, 
 With MONTAGUE, MAITLAND, with BURGOYNE and 
 
 NORTH. 
 
 Chick TAYLOR and ERSKINE are join'd in the vote, 
 And as Managers known by a bag and drefs coat. 
 Then FRANCIS comes fneaking with grief in his heart, 
 At not being indulg'd with a Manager's part ; 
 
 i Tho*
 
 Tho* he now and then fteals to the Managers' box, 
 To fuggeft a fhrewd queftion to EDMUND or Fox. 
 The Commons, all thofe who from riding have leifure^ 
 Without order come in, and go out at their pleafure. 
 When the Lords and the Judges had taken their ilations, 
 The Serjeant at Arms utter'd three proclamations ; 
 Then the charges and anfwers were read by the clerk, 
 And fome were got through by the time it was dark. 
 Thefecond day alfo was wafted in reading, 
 But the third produced fomething of EDMUND'S pro-. 
 
 ceeding : 
 
 He rofe and began " You will find in the fequel, 
 < My Lords, to this tafk I am very unequal : 
 t( But, the Commons, who hold me in high eftimation, 
 " Believe I am qualify 'd well for the ftation. 
 " My Colleagues, whofe talents refulgent fy Jh\iu > 
 fc Will amply make up for the failure of mine ; 
 " Who fharing the trouble of framing thejlory, 
 (( Have a right to partake with myfelf in the glory. 
 " My Lords, I forefee in the courfe of this trial, 
 <e There will be much affertion, and alfo denial, 
 " And before I go farther, 'tis proper and fit, 
 " I mould tell you what proof to reject and admit/' 
 Here EDMUND attempted diftinftion to draw, 
 Between this high court, and the low courts of law ; 
 
 2 He
 
 C ] 
 
 He laid down a doftrine of evidence found, 
 
 Which in no other treatife could ever be found '; 
 
 The lawyer appear'd in whatever he fpoke, 
 
 Than Blackftone. more learned, more ingenious than 
 
 Coke. 
 
 Rules of evidence they had the merit of ftating, 
 But EDMUND lays claim to thepraife of creating ; 
 Yet even this deed by himfelfwas excelled; 
 In defcribing the countries he never beheld ; 
 To be fure, his defcriptions were vaftly admir'd, 
 The whole was his own, for his tongue was infpir'd. 
 With knowledge divine he expos'd to our view, 
 The religion of Hindoos, and Muffulman's too. 
 And he faid Junghez Khan only feiz'd their dominions, 
 But that HASTINGS wag'd war with the people's opinions. 
 Here the orator blufler'd, at leaft for an hour, 
 About WARREN HASTINGS, and abfolute power, 
 Who according to BURKE, has been forming a plan, 
 To map geographical morals for man. 
 Who to mew us his great geometrical art, 
 Fit climates for virtues has drawn on a chart ; 
 That virtues and vices, that duties and crimes, 
 May change with the latitudes, countries, and climes. 
 Here EDMUND committed his honor and word, 
 To prove moral geography vaftly abfurd ; 
 
 And
 
 r i* ] 
 
 And by way of a fecret, their Lord/trips were told, 
 That truth's not affected, by heat or by cold ; 
 " Far better," fays he, " when the Englifh went thither, 
 <fc Had they call'd the inhabitant natives together; 
 " And inftead of fubduing, or them over-reaching, 
 " Had bufy'd themfelves with evangelic preaching. 
 tc No converts made they to the Chriftian religion, 
 is But pluck'd the rich blacks like the wing of a pigeon. 
 " For there was the Company's government built, 
 " Upon plunder, and rapine, and all kinds of guilt $ 
 " In a fyltem like this, 'tis no matter of wonder, 
 (t If all were infpired by the fpirit of plunder. 
 " There was not a captain, nor fcarce a feapoy, 
 r < But a Prince would depofe, or a Bramin deftroy ;" 
 Here the Hero digrefs'd, and related fome tales 
 Of a prince to be flain, as he thought, by three feah, 
 How Nabobs, and Minifters had been oppreft, 
 And the innocent natives with famine diftreit. 
 Now EDMUND returns to his well-belov'd theme, 
 To prove HASTINGS' power mould not be fupreme ; 
 That Government rule 'twas his duty to draw, 
 From Coke, upon Littleton, writers on law : 
 And whenever their Lord/hips (hall come to decide, 
 BURKE hoped they would take Brittflj lazvsfor their guide*. : 
 'Tis contended, fays he, by the party accus'd, . . 
 We fhould govern by laws to which fubjeds are us'd. 
 
 Bu5,
 
 E <3 1 
 
 But, my Lords, I maintain, 'tis expedient and fitting, 
 To govern the world by the laws of Great Britain. ; 
 Nor do I conceive that it matters a jot, 
 With refpect to the laws, if they knew them or not. 
 And the pris'ner, I truft, will be try'd- and attainted 
 By thofe laws alone, with which I 'am acquainted. 
 When EDMUND grew faint, his auxiliar ADAM 
 Read letters, as oft as his principal bade him ; 
 BURKE ended at length, with apprifing the Lords, 
 That he an oeconomift was of his words, 
 That he mould juft mention the heads of each Charge, 
 And leave it to others thereon to enlarge, 
 Who would trace out corruption and bale peculations, ' 
 Thro' all their meanders, and ramifications. 
 Here this letter ends, but expect, my dear Brother, 
 When EDMUND refumes, I will fend you another. 
 
 j ;th February, 1 788. 
 
 LETTER
 
 C '4 3 
 
 LETTER II. 
 
 ' 
 
 A.ND now, my dear Brother, I take up the pen, 
 To tell you that BURKE has been fpeaking again ; 
 When the Court was affembled, thus EDMUND began, 
 " My Lords, I aflert, WARREN HASTINGS'S plan 
 " Has conftantly been to get all that he can. 
 * For when NUNDCOMAR gave the Board information 
 " Concerning his bribery, and peculation, 
 " Inftead of confronting the charge and denying, 
 " He caus'd his accufer to fuffer for lying ; 
 v That is, NUNDCOMAR was for forgery hung, 
 * c Which filenc'd for ever his garrulous tongue. 
 (< Twenty thoufand pounds fterling the criminal took 
 <e From the Begum, I find, by the Company's book ; 
 <6 To the truth of this action, her ladyfoip Jwore, 
 " And a Rajah too gave twenty thoufand pounds more ; 
 " And this by the Rajah was certainly done, 
 16 For the favour which HASTINGS conferr'd on his fon : 
 " But, my Lords, he was guilty of further abufe, 
 " For he took many bribes for the Company's ufe ; 
 " The Company, tho* they received them, and kept them, 
 <f Were defirous to afk, why did HASTINGS accept them. 
 
 " To
 
 C 15 3 
 
 Cf To this queftion the criminal made no reply, 
 
 " So to this very moment, ive cannot tell why" 
 
 Here EDMUND minutely defcribed to the Lords, 
 
 The modes of collection, and Revenue Boards. 
 
 On farms and on diftricts, the changes he rings 
 
 Till he happens at length to get hold of the Sings ; 
 
 He talk'd about Contoo, and Deby, and others, 
 
 All Hindoos in caft in iniquity, brothers. 
 
 Here EDMUND launch'd out, and prefented to view 
 
 Such a picture, as none but himfelf ever dre\v. 
 
 " Of culprits whom DEBY SING fentenc'd to ride 
 
 " On a pillory ox, with a drum on each fide, 
 
 " And whilft he and his party were bufy'd with pillage, 
 
 " This terrible bullock paraded the village. 
 
 " The natives alarmed at this horrible fight, 
 
 " From their villages made a precipitate flight* 
 
 <( This has I admit an incredible look, 
 
 " And would not be believ'd, were it not In the book* 
 
 " From the Company's records, the ftory I drew, 
 
 " From records, which are inconteftably true ; 
 
 '* And he, who collected this ftrange information, 
 
 " For humanity's fake, would fupprefs the relation. 
 
 " But however his wifhes might go to conceal it, 
 
 I ( In difcharge of his truft, he was forc'd to reveal it : 
 <f To him in a body the RYOTS complain'd, 
 
 II That their houfes were burnt, and their cattle diftrain'd. 
 
 " That
 
 ent, I 
 , J 
 
 I '6 ] 
 
 ic That -when Deby, the plunderer fettled their rent, 
 
 " In taking the balance, he was not content 
 
 <e With any thing lefs than fix hundred per cent, 
 
 " And thofe who the cam were unable to raife, 
 
 " Were cruelly tortur'd in different ways." 
 
 The cruelties here, which the Orator dated, 
 
 Are more than in yerfe can be juftly related : 
 
 He defcrib'd to the audience in language obfcene, 
 
 New Jackets for candles, and glaffes unclean ; 
 
 From thefe fltty cups, fome were drinking the waters, 
 
 Whflft others were ravifhing mothers and daughters ; 
 
 For tearing off nipples, a Bamboo was cleft, 
 
 And the fuffering female was ftripp'd of her fhift ; 
 
 Whilft EDMUND thefe cruelties horribly painted, 
 
 Some ladies took falts, others wept, and ONE fainted. 
 
 And indeed, my dear Brother, I'm free to confefs, 
 
 As EDMUND defcribed it, they could not do lefs. 
 
 Some people, however, who perfectly knew 
 
 The true (late of the cafe, faid 'twas moftly untrue ;* 
 
 On this fubjed farther, I've only to add, 
 
 The furprifing effect which his eloquence had, 
 
 Not 
 
 * The ftory of Deby Sing having attracted the attention of this 
 country, and indeed of all Europe ; we think it right to add Major 
 Scott's profe account of that celebrated ftory. He has publiflied two 
 letters to Mr. Fox, in which he details it at length, refers to the do- 
 cument*
 
 [ '7 ] 
 
 Not only on thofe, who ne'er heard It before, 
 But on BURKE, who had read it a hundred times o'er* 
 In the annals of painting, 'tis certainly new, 
 For the artift to faint, at the picture he drew ; 
 But BURKE was fo touch'd, that he fainted away, 
 Like Siddons, the Tragedy Queen, in a play. 
 Some think 'twas his confcience that gave him ajlroke 9 
 But thofe who bejl know him, treat that as a joke : 
 'Tis a trick that ftage orators have at their need, 
 The paffions to roufe, and the judgment miflead ; 
 And Dick, who is fkill'd in theatrical painting, 
 Had given his leader fame leffons on fainting. 
 
 cuments neceflary to prove all his affertions ; and we can with con* 
 fidence affirm, that he has proved the following facts ; 
 
 i ft. That at the time Mr. Burke told the ftory, be kneiu from direft 
 and pofitive evidence, that it would be impoffible to implicate Mr. 
 Hafhngs directly or indirectly, in any criminality that might attach 
 upon Deby Sing. 
 
 ad. That Mr. Burke knew he was {rating what was not true, when 
 he affirmed that Deby Sing was appointed farmer of Rungpore and 
 Dinagepore, by Mr. Haftings. 
 
 3d. That he ftated certain acts of great cruelty as facts proved, 
 though be knew they were mere aflertions, then in the courfe of in- 
 quiry. 
 
 4th. That many of them, upon the ftilleft inveftigation, have turned 
 out to le falfe 5 and to conclude, the final decifion of the Bengal Go- 
 vernment, after the fulleft inquiry, proves, that Deby Sing was inno- 
 cent of all the moft dreadful crimes charged againft him, and that no 
 Englifliman, of whatever rank or ftation, is implicated in fuch of the 
 criminality (trifling as it is) which attaches upon Deby Sing. 
 
 VOL, I, C Now
 
 C -8 ] 
 
 Now BURKE from his horror a little compos'd^ 
 
 To the gallery ladies a fecret difclos'd ; 
 
 He faid, that the men whofe induftrious hands 
 
 Had been tortur'd, and fcrew'd, were the tillers of 
 
 lands, 
 
 And owing to them he affirm'd it to be, 
 That the ladies drank morning and afternoon tea. 
 Here EDMUND ftruck a more loud deprecation 
 Againft the effedts of divine indignation, 
 And demanded that HASTINGS be made to atone 
 For the crimes of all others, as well as his own. 
 Juft here was the fpirit of eloquence damp'd, 
 For the ftomach of EDMUND was fuddenly cramp'd. 
 When FRANCIS beheld his dear orator ftop, 
 He fprung twenty feet at two fteps and a hop ; 
 Affa-foetida drops he apply'd to his nofe, 
 But tho' EDMUND recover'd, the fpeech had a clofe. 
 LORD THURLOW long filent, now thought it his turfi 
 To fpeak to the Court, fo he mov'd to adjourn. 
 
 ift February, 1788. 
 
 LETTER
 
 C 19 ] 
 
 LETTER III. 
 DEAR BROTHER 
 
 JL OU afk, why was FRANCIS diftreft ? 
 Why he fear'd for the caufe fo much more than the reft ? 
 To anfwer this queftion as well as I can, 
 I muft give you a fcetch of this wonderful man 
 
 Some certain things rife from the dark : 
 
 Our hero ftarted firft a clerk 
 
 In office, that was Mill impreffing 
 
 On tender youth this ufeful leflbn ; 
 
 Thofe that would thrive, muft learn to cringe, 
 
 " 70 turn like door upon a hinge ;" 
 
 To flatter thofe that favour (hew ye ; 
 
 To fpurn at thofe that are below ye ; 
 
 FRANCIS, by acting well this part, 
 
 Completely won his patron's heart ; 
 
 Who made him, by a fudden fpring, 
 
 The fifth part of a potent King ; * 
 
 That is, he was to Bengal fent, 
 
 The under limb of Government.' 
 
 * Francis's definition of himfelf and his power to the people in 
 
 India, 
 
 C 2 Let
 
 t 20 ] 
 
 Let yonder beggar mount a horle, 
 
 The Proverb tells " which way his courfe ;'* 
 
 So FRANCIS, who had been a hack 
 
 Of office, 'midft a fervile pack, 
 
 Saw thoufands tremble at his nod, 
 
 And like a Philip's fon, became a god. 
 
 His fortune had been great indeed, 
 
 If HASTINGS had not check'd his fpeed r 
 
 And to his profpecls put an end, 
 
 By calling from Lucknow his friend. 
 
 This FRANCIS never can forgive, 
 
 As long as he and HASTINGS live ; 
 
 And from that time, has been [purfuing 
 
 Means to effect his total rum; 
 
 But fruitlefs finding oppofition, 
 
 He form'd like fome^- a coalition : 
 
 But coalitions jlill mvjt fall, 
 
 One ceitain fate overtakes them all. 
 
 Tho' his a novel kind of plan 
 
 To join, and then betray the man ; 
 
 But HASTINGS' genius was awake, 
 
 And ere he flung, it fcotch'd the make. 
 
 This to the fire but added fuel, 
 
 Until it ended in a duel. 
 
 When FRANCIS faw his fchemes all fail r 
 For England's more he fpread his fail. 
 
 a No
 
 [ 21 ] 
 
 NoTooner on fhore had our PHILL fee his feet, 
 
 Than he drove, like a Poft-boy, to LEADENHALL- 
 STREET ; 
 
 In the flames of his Malice, he burnt to difclofe 
 
 A tale, which had coft him fome years to compofe ; 
 
 But he got a rebuff from the Court of Directors ; 
 
 They were HASTING s's friends ; they were Virtue's pro- 
 tedors : 
 
 They paid juft regard to their honor and glory; 
 
 They read not PRILL'S papers : they heard not PHTLL'S 
 
 ftory ; 
 
 Tho' like lightning to England from India he came, 
 In fpeed he was greatly furpafs'd by his fame; 
 They knew, how the meafure of HASTINGS he croft, 
 How near his advice COROMANDEL had loft ; 
 By the Court of Directors, it clearly was feen, 
 That the man was a compound of envy and fpleen 
 
 Then away to the mongers of Boroughs went he, 
 To try, if with fome one he could not agree ; 
 And find a fit corner for once to his ufe, 
 For fpeech unreftrain'd, and for licens'd abufe. 
 
 But when from himfelf an abufive oration 
 Could produce no effect, on a fenfible nation, 
 His attention was turn'd to the Quixote-like BURKE, 
 Who is fond of engaging in Quixote-like work ; 
 
 C 3 He
 
 ech." J 
 
 C " ] 
 
 He told him long ftories of damfels diftrefs'd, 
 
 Of extirpated nations, of RAJAHS opprefs'd ; 
 
 Of HASTINGS'S having compelled the NABOB, 
 
 His kindred, his mother, grandmother to rob 
 
 ' Shall the eloquent BURKE, who by pleading the caufc 
 
 " Of Powel, and Bembridge, gain'd lading applaufe ; 
 
 <e Shall the man, who to wretches like thefe was a friend, 
 
 " The rights of old damfels refufe to defend ? 
 
 " Oh ! let not the children of ASIA befeech 
 
 " Thy mercy in vain; but the tyrant impeach 
 
 " I myfelf will find matter, do you furnim fpeech. 
 
 Then away pofted BURKE to his CHARLEY and SHERRY, 
 
 Who were toping at BROOKES'S, pot-valiant and merry ! 
 
 " I have fomething, my boys, upon which we may 
 
 " prate, 
 
 " *Tis time we mould fpout, left we grow out of date ; 
 " Againft a Nabob, I am furnifh'd with matter 
 " When matter is found, we can all of us chatter ; 
 " Warren Haftings is he you remember, his friends 
 tf Prevented us lately, from gaining our ends, 
 " That ftock-holding-crew the late change brought 
 
 " about 
 
 " In adminiftration, and turn'd us all out : 
 " Let us try, in our turn, if we can't over-reach him, 
 " Then hilloa, brave boys, let us on and impeach him ! 
 
 " Perhaps
 
 " Perhaps the rich rogue, when he finds himfelf under 
 " Our lath, may prefent us fome part of the plunder." 
 Then CHARLEY, who found himfelf not in a cue, 
 So wild, fo romantic a fcheme to purfue, 
 Who found by a balance, juft made of his books, 
 Himfelf better paid by attending at Brookes', 
 Requefted, that BURKE would be pleas'd to defift 
 From the bufmefs, or ftrike his name out of the lift. 
 And SHERRY, who now holds theatrical fluff, 
 Declar'd on the ftage " there was adling enough," 
 And begg'd, that if BURKE had this farce at his heart, 
 HE might be excus'd from the taking a part. 
 BURKE ftarted, and fwore, if you do not think fit 
 To fupport me in this, I'U go over to PITT. 
 Then CHARLES, who began to forefee the reduction 
 Of his force at St. Stephen's might prove his deftruction, 
 Engag'd for himfelf, and the whole of his party ; 
 Tho' fome people think, CHARLES is not very hearty. 
 Three years have elaps'd fmce the fuit they began, "J 
 They may work many more, let them do all they can, > 
 Before they will conquer this much-injur'd man ! 
 YOU afk'd me what caufe had the Houfe to refift 
 Adding FRANCIS'S name to the MANAGERS' lift ? 
 Why moderate men to exclude him agreed, 
 Tho' BURKE pledg'd his honor, he could not proceed 
 Without FRANCIS'S aid, to fupport him in need, 
 
 C 4 Then 1 
 
 ,* . 
 
 oceed I 
 
 i.
 
 C *4 ] 
 Then, EDMUND ! thy zeal ftruck the guard from thy 
 
 tongue, 
 And betray'd the bafe fource, whence the charges all 
 
 fprung. 
 
 Great part of the Houfe, which till then had believ'd 
 The flory, now find themfelves groffly deceived ; 
 How many good men, now are griev'd to the heart, 
 To think they were talk'd into taking a part. 
 
 But FRANCIS triumphantly laugh'd in his fleeve, 
 To think he fo long could the public deceive. 
 As he walk'd along Bond-flreet, he faid to a friend, 
 " Tho' my foe be acquitted, 'twill anfwer my end ; 
 tf Opp re ft with fatigue, and o'erburthen'd with coft, 
 " His health will be broken, his fortune be loft ;" 
 Then he fwore, by the Lord, he would not ceafe pur- 
 
 fuing, 
 
 Till death and damnation had fininYd his ruin. 
 Tho' fo folemn an oath, he confefs'd gave him pain, 
 To come from a bofom fo kind and humane. 
 
 I conclude for the prefent : but if, my dear BROTHER, 
 You like this epiftle, I'll fend you another ; 
 
 February a3d, 1788. 
 
 LET-
 
 C *5 3 
 
 L E T T E R IV. 
 
 A S the Orator now had recover'd his ftrength, 
 Which had fuffer'd from fpeech of immoderate length, 
 He return'd to the tale he had often repeated, 
 And told us how ill the poor natives were treated. 
 Thofe natives who furnifh'd the Ladies with tea, 
 Were as gentle and mild as poor creatures could be ; 
 But as patience like all other virtues is bounded, 
 They all flew to arms when the trumpet refounded : 
 But, alas ! th' infurgents contended in vain, 
 They fought, they were conquer'd, were routed, and 
 
 flam. 
 
 Here EDMUND broke forth in a flrain fo fublime, 
 No poet can do him ftrict juftice in rhime 
 " I charge WARREN HASTINGS, and thofe he em- 
 ployed, 
 
 " With (in practice and theory) having dellroyed 
 " All government And with endeavouring to draw 
 " Depravity into a fyftem of law 
 ( e Peculation to rules of arithmetic brought, 
 
 O ' 
 
 " This curfed High Prieft of iniquity taught. 
 
 " In
 
 ** In the name of the COMMONS and PEOPLE at large, 
 '* With high crimes andjlrange mlfdemeanors I charge 
 
 * f WARREN HASTINGS. 
 
 " I charge him with treachery, fraud, and abufe, 
 
 ft And with robbery too, for the Company's ufe 
 
 *' I charge him with cruelties and devaftations, 
 
 " Such as never were pra&is'd on innocent nations. 
 
 " I charge him with leaving in thofe wretched climes 
 
 " Not money enough to atone for his crimes." 
 
 But now the fubllme being fuddenly ended, 
 
 To the pathos my verfatile Speaker defcended, 
 
 " I fpy a religious refpeclable band, 
 
 " Who all holy myfteries well underftand, 
 
 " Who from duty mould fave our religion from fink-* 
 
 " ing, 
 " Of HASTINGS, what muft be their manner of think- 
 
 " ing ? 
 
 " I fpy on the woolfack the JUDGES profound, 
 " Who can find out the law and at pleafure expound, 
 " With fo much uprightnefs and juftice, I wonder 
 " What muft be their thoughts of extortion and plunder. 
 tl Of NOBLES I fpy an tlluftrious train, 
 " Whofe honor can fuffer by no fpot or (lain ; 
 '* All thofe muft undoubtedly favor the work, 
 " And cry. Bravo, bravijfimo, rare Mr. BURKE ! 
 
 " la
 
 {f In the name of religion, which he has difgrac'd ; 
 
 " Of our Conftitution, which he has defac'd; 
 
 " In the name of thofe millions of Indians dejlroyed 
 
 " By HASTINGS, and others whom he has employed ; 
 
 te In the name of humanity and human nature, 
 
 <f All ftabb'd to the heart by this terrible creature, 
 
 < f I IMPEACH WARREN HASTINGS! Nor let me ccun- 
 
 " plain, 
 
 <f That pleadings fo ftrong mou'd be offered in vain." 
 Here ended great EDMUND, and CHARLEY arofe, 
 A mode of conducting the caufe to propofe : 
 A contrivance of his, or fome lawyer, perhaps, 
 Who has fpent all his life in the laying of traps. 
 In JEfop you've read of that fubtle old Fox 
 Who liv'd by deftroying bens, pullets and cocks, 
 Who one night on his ramble had faften'd his eye 
 On a cock and his family roofling on high, 
 Who made fuch a flattering treacherous fpeech 
 To prevail on the poultry to come in his reach : 
 With Jtmilar motive did CHARLEY propofe 
 His method to make WARREN HASTINGS difclofe 
 The reply he will make to their charges, and thence 
 To enable themfelves to foreftall his defence ; 
 But DALLAS and PLOMER, and vigilant LAW, 
 Perceiv'd his defign, and the evil forefaw. 
 
 They
 
 t 28 ] 
 
 They oppos'd him with arguments weighty and found 3 
 But CHARLEY with firmnefs difputed the ground. 
 After much altercation their LORDSHIPS withdrew 
 To determine on what was mod proper to do. 
 And here, my dear Brother, this Letter I end, 
 And when the Court meets, I another will fend. 
 
 febrnary 25th, 1788. 
 
 LET-
 
 C *9 3 
 
 LETTER V. 
 
 ONCE more, my dear SIMON, I take up the pea 
 
 To record the exploits of thofe eloquent men. 
 
 The LORDS met, and we heard that the Court wotfd not 
 
 dofe 
 
 With the method which CHARLEY was pleas'd topropofe; 
 Then CHARLES and the MANAGERS begg'd to retire 
 To hold confultation they had their defire. 
 After fome fhort adjournment, the heroes came back ; 
 Some faces were long, and fome others look'd black. 
 Fox faid, " We fubmit, yet beg leave to prated 
 " That we ftill muft confider our mode as the beft, 
 " And though for the prefent, we privilege wave, 
 " The Rights of the Commons we carefully fave. 
 
 " My LORDS, the firft charge we are going to bring 
 " Is the OMftftr&df HASTINGS concerning CHEYT SING." 
 Then CHARLEY with gefture emphatic avow'd, 
 That HE of his rank was exceflively proud, 
 As being commiffioned to open the/ry?, 
 And indeed he appeared as if ready to burft; 
 But whether his fuelling were wind, fat, or pride, 
 
 Is a queftion too grofs for myfelf to decide ; 
 
 " Our
 
 [ 3 ] 
 
 " Our fine Conftitution," fays he, " is a creature 
 
 "Of which WE compofe the diftingui/hlng feature, 
 
 *' And the beft things the Commoners have in their reach, 
 
 " Is, whenever they like, whom they hate to impeach. 
 
 " I would have you, however, this inference draw, 
 
 " That impeachment's not founded, or governed by Law ; 
 
 " Our judges, my LORDS, I am free to aver, 
 
 " Are much better men than their anceftors were ; 
 
 fe But what makes them fo ? 'tis not praying or preaching, 
 
 " But the dread they are conftantly in, of impeaching. 
 
 te My LORDS, we have been in minority long, 
 
 " But in this point we had a majority ftrong ; 
 
 tf All clafTes of people, all parties agreed, 
 
 * c That we were engag'd in a praife-worthy deed ; 
 
 " For, my Lords, we this difficult tafk undertake 
 
 ' For no other caufe but for juftice's fake, 
 
 " For the fake of a people who never complain' d 
 
 " To us of the injuries they hadfuftain'd, 
 
 c And from whom no reward can be ever obtained. 
 
 " The man againft whom all thefe charges we bring 
 
 " Made a treaty, my LORDS, with one RAJAH CHEYT 
 
 " SING, 
 
 " And from documents which we (hall read, it appear 8 
 <{ That the treaty inviolate lafted three years; 
 " But I beg I may not do the Criminal wrong, 
 " For it was not his fault that it lafted fo long, 
 
 " It
 
 C 3 ] 
 
 M It was FRANCIS, who being concerned in the making 
 
 " The treaty, prevented the Culprit from breaking : 
 
 t( For HASTINGS break treaties, and fets diem afide 
 
 *' Ere the ink on the paper is perfectly dried. 
 
 <( In this cafe the Pris'ner may flicker his name, 
 
 " In the branches wide fpreading of FRANCIS'S fame* 
 
 " But when the French threaten'd Bengal with invafion, 
 
 <( And finances were low, HASTINGS took the occafion, 
 
 " In breaking of treaties, his fkili to exhibit. 
 
 " And demanded of CHEYT an additional tribute. 
 
 " WARREN HASTiNGs,myLoRos,to facilitate breaking 
 
 " Of treaties, was bufy'd with dictionary making ; 
 
 ff Explanations by JOHNSON, it feems, would not do, 
 
 " So he made fome himfelf which are perfectly new*" 
 
 Here CHARLEY defcanted for more than an hour 
 
 Upon HASTINGS'S new definition of power, 
 
 And 'tis certain, that CHARLEY threw many new lights 
 
 Upon Sovereign Princes and Sovereign Rights. 
 
 At length he this ultimate inference brought, 
 
 That the Sovereign is all, and the People are nought. 
 
 " This tribute," fays CHARLES, " CHEYT neglected 
 
 " to pay, 
 
 " And a thoufand pretences he made for delay ; 
 " But HASTINGS again with law dictionary, new, 
 < e Proves, that money as foon as demanded is due. 
 
 i " The
 
 C 3> 1 
 
 te The money was paid CHE YT gave HAST INGS afurflj 
 " To excufe him from paying for ages to come ; 
 " And HASTINGS accordingly took the amount, 
 " And carry 'd the fame to ths public account-, 
 " But this notwithstanding, he could not difpenfe. 
 " With the tribute demanded on any pretence* 
 tc The RAJAH refifted and HASTINGS defign'd 
 " The delinquent mould therefore be heavily fin* d> 
 " That is, as the vafial his mafters withftood, 
 " His crimes mould be turn'd to the Company' s good : 
 " But the RAJAH and HASTINGS were ftiff in opinion, 
 " And the former in confequence loft his dominion.'* 
 Here CHARLES a vaft number of arguments brought 
 To prove that the RAJAH was never in fault; 
 That when HASTINGS the tribute prefum'd to exalt, 
 " He committed a curfed, iniquitous aft ; 
 " That no ftate neceflity ever could be, 
 <e For a deed fo flagitious, an adequate plea. 
 " My LORDS, it is faid, a great man in this ftate 
 " Thinks HASTINGS is like Alexander the Great. 
 " But the only fimilitude I can difcover, 
 " Is in the rafli aft of that defperate lover, 
 " Who when with ftrong liquors made damnably drunk 9 
 " Peifepolis burnt for the whim of a punk. 
 " My LORDS, I conceive that you need not be told, 
 " That the eyes of all Europe your actions behold, 
 
 " That
 
 C 33 ] 
 
 te That if all our charges are pleaded in vain, 
 f( You will render Great Britain as odious as Spain ; 
 " But I cannot, however, the notion admit, 
 " That your LORDSHIPS can ever the Prisoner acquit ; 
 tf But mould it be fo we have this fatisfadion, 
 " WE canfafely dif claim any Jhare in the aftion." 
 CHARLES ended his fpeech and their LORDSHIPS ad- 
 journ J d, 
 And home the delighted fpe&ators return'd, 
 
 February 26, 1788. 
 
 D LET-
 
 C 34 ] 
 
 LETTER VI. 
 
 IHIS day, my dear friend, I've the pleafure to fay, 
 For the/ry? time we had an oration from GREY : 
 For the MANAGERS follow an excellent line, 
 And alternately fuffer each other to mine ; 
 Chief Painter is BURKE, and the head of the trade, 
 He teaches the ufe of light, colours, and (hade. 
 Some people will have it, that EDMUND is teaching 
 His nineteen difciples the art of impeaching ; 
 And if this be a truth, I with juftice may fay, 
 He has not a fcholar more docile than GREY : 
 But in fpite of his training, BURKE would not confide 
 Too much on a Steed, that had never been try*d : 
 So he prudently order'd, that GREY mould go o'er, 
 The ftory which CHARLEY related before, 
 And indeed he exhibited proof of his ftrength, 
 By detailing the RAJAH'S misfortunes at length; 
 But as he could add nothing new to the charge, 
 On thefiftem of feuds he was forc'd to enlarge, 
 And with infinite learning, the Orator fhew'd, 
 That the RAJAH'S pofleflion was not like a feud $ 
 And the town of Benaris, he feem'd to believe, 
 Was the Paradife ancient of ADAM and EVE ; 
 
 That
 
 [ 35 ] 
 
 That HASTINGS, like Satan, was fond of expelling 
 The innocent folk from their beautiful dwelling ; 
 And the principal pleafure which HASTINGS enjoy'd, 
 Was feeing their elegant manfions deftroy'd. 
 CHEVT SING, in one letter, call'd HASTINGS the 
 
 ' Mirror 
 Of the World, but GREY thinks, that it muft be an 
 
 error, 
 
 Or if not, it reflefted no objecl but terror. 
 After this, he came forth with fome Latin quotations, 
 ft^hicb are beauty J pots common in modern orations. 
 Then he humbly requefted, their LORDSHIPS would not 
 Be offended, at feeing him angry and hot ; 
 For a man muft be callous, or worfe than a fool, 
 Who on fuch occafion is temp'rate and cool : 
 " No perfonal malice, no paffion I feel, 
 " Save for Juftice's fake an inordinate zeal; 
 <( Nor have I, my LORDS, the leaft fliadow of doubt 
 " Of HASTINGS'S guilt, or of making it out." 
 Two hours he dilated, yet faid little more 
 Than CHARLES had a hundred times utter 'd before; 
 'Twas mere repetition of phrafes, and thence, 
 I have taken the liberty here to condenfe 
 The fpeech, and, I hope, without lojing the fenfe. 
 Then papers and witnefles roundly aflerted 
 Some facts, which have never been yet controverted. 
 
 D 2, Next
 
 [ 36 1 
 
 Next a charter was read, by vvhofe friendly afliftance, 
 
 It was prov'd that the Company has an. exigence. 
 
 Here ended one day, and the hearers complain'd 
 
 With reafon, of not being much entertain'd. 
 
 The next day, the MANAGERS fpent all the time, 
 
 To prove againft HA STINGS a radical crime, 
 
 Which of all forts of crimes, is afluredly worft ; 
 
 That the Prifoner with animus malus is curft ; 
 
 That his words, and his actions, the MANAGERS find, 
 
 Arofe from a natural badnefs of mind: 
 
 This natural badnefs, fome doctors have taught, 
 
 Is a human misfortune, inftead of a fault ; 
 
 And therefore did HASTINGS'S counfel contend, 
 
 That a proof of this nature could anfwer no end ; 
 
 But as neither the matter difputed would yield, 
 
 The LORDS were of courfc beaten out of the field : 
 
 They return'd, and my heroes were fuffer'd to add 
 
 New proofs, that the Prifoner is mentally bad. 
 
 Then ANSTRUTHER open'd A queftion arofe, 
 
 (Among the fpectators, as you will fuppofe) 
 
 It was, which is dulleft, the Clerical reading, 
 
 Or his monotonical manner of pleading ? 
 
 This queftion would furnim an infinite theme 
 
 For argument, both being dull in extreme ; 
 
 To decide on this queftion, then baffled the fkill 
 
 Of the bed connoifleurs, as it conftantly will. 
 
 Six
 
 [ 37 ] 
 
 Six days in examining proofs were expended, 
 
 And I thought with the reft, it would never have ended j 
 
 But with pleafure and joy, I was quite overcome, 
 
 When ANSTRUTHER faid, he was going to fum : 
 
 The fummary too was fo barren and dull, 
 
 There was not one flower for SIM KIN to cull ; 
 
 And what muft furprife you ftill farther indeed, 
 
 Curiofity found not one paflable weed* 
 
 And here, my dear Brother, this letter would end, 
 
 Were it not for my worthy poetical friend, 
 
 Who contended, that BEN N had been wickedly joking, 
 
 When he fwore that fnuff taking was equal to fmoaking. 
 
 At the fame time BURKE ftarted a comical notion, 
 
 Of % CHANCELLOR being found deep in devotion-, 
 
 This would be it was thought, a ridiculous fight, 
 
 The BISHOPS alllaugh'd, as with reafon they might. 
 
 But now, my dear SIMON, I finim this letter, 
 
 With a hope that my next will be longer and better,. 
 
 February 28th, 1718, 
 
 D 3 LET- 
 
 '
 
 C 38 3 
 
 LETTER VIL 
 
 jfTlS the MANAGERS, Brother, adhere to the plan 
 
 Of changing each day, and relieving their man, 
 
 This day, Mr. ADAM arofe to declare, 
 
 That to open thcfecottd Charge fell to hisjhare : 
 
 " My LORDS, I well know 'tis a difficult ta&, 
 
 " And one that I had not the courage to afk : 
 
 " I am confcious, indeed, of too many defects, 
 
 * f But ftill 7 muj} dO) what nty General direSls. 
 
 f Friend SHERRY, who formerly open'd this caufe, 
 
 (< In the Senate, obtain'd fuch uncommon applaufe^ 
 
 " That I'm almoft afraid to exhibit my ikill, 
 
 fe Left the people iliould laugh at my fpeaking fo ill, 
 
 As lawyers are fond of nice legal precijlon, 
 He purfued the profeffional mode of divifion, 
 And the Charge was with art anatomical fplit 
 Into feveral heads, as the Speaker thought fit; 
 That OUDE had good things in great plenty and ftore, 
 But now is re duc'd and exceedingly poor ; 
 That the BEGUMS were Ladies of quality regal, 
 And that their eftates and poileffions were legal ; 
 
 And
 
 r 39 ] 
 
 And next, that 'twas HASTING s's duty to fee 
 No infringement was made upon his guarantee, 
 That though H in the name of the Company made it, 
 He himfelf was the firft who prefum'd to invade it ; 
 That HASTINGS compell'd the reluctant NABOB 
 His Mother, Grandmother, and Kindred to rob ; 
 That thefe Princefles and their defcendants muft rue it, 
 That they all were diftreft, and that HASTINGS well 
 
 knew it : 
 
 That to find fome pretext for this damnable aftion, 
 He accus'd the poor innocent ladies of faction ; 
 That IMPEY his colleague, collected a pack 
 Of ftrange affidavits, to prove white was black. 
 
 " 'Tis feldom, my LORDS, that an advocate needs, 
 <e To prove criminality latent in deeds, 
 " Except in Impeachments, and there we muft mow, 
 ff That fome things are bad, not inherently fo : 
 fc But in HASTINGS a number of actions are bafe, 
 *' That would not be fo, in another man's cafe :" 
 Next ADAM difplay'd geographical knowledge, 
 (Which he pick'd up, perhaps, when zftudent at College): 
 Of the province of Oude, he defcrib'd the dimenfion ; 
 Its latitude, longitude, Jite, and extenfion : 
 From Anglefea IJle, to the mouth of the Humber, 
 Is a great many miles, and he dated the number ; 
 
 P 4 But
 
 [ 4 1 
 
 But it was not fo long, he moft folemnly vow'd, 
 
 Nor was Ireland fo wide, as the province of Oude. 
 
 " My LORDS, tho' this province was fertile and rich, 
 
 " And formerly rais'd to a very high pitch, 
 
 " No fooner with us had it form'd a connexion, 
 
 ({ Than it paid very dear for our purchased protection ; 
 
 " Of that treaty with us, th'extravagant price, 
 
 " Was the Rohilla War and 'twas EDMUND'S advice 
 
 66 An additional Charge againft HASTINGS to make it, 
 
 " But we could not prevail on the COMMONS to take it." 
 
 Here ADAM to (hew his rhetorical powers, 
 
 Gave their LORDSHIPS a handful of brilliant flowers ; 
 
 He faid, that the Sun which on avarice rofe, 
 
 Its meridian was cruelty, horror, and woes, 
 
 And in blood was its fetting, and ultimate clofe. 
 
 And next he proceeded, with care to defcribe 
 
 The BEGUMS of Oude, and their dignify' d tribe : 
 
 He detail'd an account of their Sijlers and Brothers, 
 
 Of their Uncles and Aunts, of their Fathers and Mothers ; 
 
 After which, it was clearly and learnedly fhown, 
 
 That the cam which they legally had was their own ; 
 
 Cf But, my LORDS," faid the Speaker, " I told you before, 
 
 " That the NABOB through us grew exceedingly poor, 
 
 " And having for money no other refource, 
 
 " From his parent he wanted to take it by force, 
 
 " But
 
 r 41 ] 
 
 * c But HASTINGS, my LORDS, it appears at that time, 
 
 " Prevented the Son from committing the crime" 
 
 Next ADAM in raptures proceeded to quote 
 
 A letter, which one of the Princefles wrote, 
 
 He faid, Queen ELIZABETH never wrote better, 
 
 Nor could CECIL her Minifter pen fuch a letter j 
 
 It was fi pathetic, fo moving, fo pretty, 
 
 That HASTINGS'S breaft was affefted with pity. 
 
 " When HASTINGS," fays he, " fpeaks ti\z language of 
 
 " nature, 
 
 " There is not a more intelleQual creature : 
 " But when he would cover fome aftion impure, 
 " His ftile is perplex' 'd, and his language obfcure : 
 Then ADAM difplay'd in the language of thunder, 
 How the BEGUMS hadfuffer'd from HASTINGS'S plunder, 
 But it chanc'd in the midft of this violent prating, 
 He the Prisoner accused of a letter mi/dating,* 
 Who whifper'd, 'TIS FALSE, to fome friend that was 
 
 near, 
 
 But low as it was, ADAM happen'd to hear : 
 Not lightning, which burfts from th' electrical cloud, 
 Not the voice of the Heavens, when it thunders aloud, 
 Not the burjl of a gun, not a mine that is fprung, 
 Could in any degree match the MANAGER'S tongue. 
 
 * This error in which Mr. Adam was involved, he might have el- 
 caped, if the Managers who had authority to fend for perfons, papers, 
 and records, had examined Sir John Macpherfon, or Mr. Auriol. 
 
 " My
 
 [ 4* ] 
 
 " My LORDS, when I make an addrefs unto you, 
 
 " Shall any man dare to fuppofe it untrue f 
 
 t( In the high fituation in which I am plac'd, 
 
 " Shall a whifper efcape from that Being difgrac'd? 
 
 " I cannot fupport it I cannot endure it 
 
 " I am ftung to the quick, and there's nothing to cure it ; 
 
 " Ohfave me, protect me, my LORDS, if you can, 
 
 < e From the zvbifpers and words of that infolent man : 
 
 < ( 'Tis far, far below me, to afk fatisfaftion 
 
 fe In private of him for this damnable action :" 
 
 No perfon could judge where his paffion would lead, 
 
 If his temperate friends had not hinder'd his fpeed ; 
 
 He recovered a little, and went on to draw, 
 
 Conclufions from arguments founded on law ; 
 
 He belong'd to the law, and he freely allowed, 
 
 'Twas an honour that made him exceedingly proud. 
 
 That the BEGUMS In Court fhould be publicly trfd, 
 
 He faid, was a point that could not be deny'd, 
 
 Before HASTINGS and IMPEY their property took, 
 
 As is written in every juridical book : 
 
 Some perfons who heard what the MANAGER fpoke, 
 
 Burft out in a laugh at his ludicrous joke ; 
 
 They faid, that the pleader in fury of diction, 
 
 Forgot the extent of the law's jurifdidtion : 
 
 Others fmll'd with ineffable pity, and then 
 
 Reflected too hard on profcflional men ; 
 
 3 I have
 
 C 43 ] 
 
 I have to obferve, that in ADAM'S oration 
 
 Came frequently in an old Latin quotation ; 
 
 But I could not diftinguifh, fo quick was it faid, 
 
 The language alive, from the language that's dead : 
 
 At length, my dear Brother, this mafs of confufion, 
 
 After four hours fpeaklng, came fafe to conclufion. 
 
 Here then for the prefent, my letter I end, 
 
 Put you'll foon hear again from your Brother and Friend, 
 
 April 15, 1788. 
 
 LET-
 
 C 44 ] 
 
 LETTER VIII. 
 
 J\.S my heroes all thirft for the making orations; 
 Mr. PEL HAM this day rofe to make obfervations : 
 He faid, he was order'd to comment at large, 
 Upon HASTINGS'S anfwer to this prefent charge; 
 That the labours they had to get over, were more 
 Than any Committee had fuffer'd before ; 
 For the Pris'ner poffefs'd an extenfive connexion, 
 And friends who afforded him mighty protection ; 
 This, however, he could not confider a crime, 
 Except at the prefent unfortunate time : 
 *Tis our pride to have friends, but in HASTINGS'S cafe, 
 The converfe of this proportion takes place. 
 
 And indeed, my dear Brother, I can't but remark, 
 There is fomething in HASTINGS exceedinly dark ; 
 For that which in others is reckon'd a merit , 
 Is in HASTINGS a lign of malevolent fpirit : 
 In his words, in his actions, and even his thoughts, 
 The MANAGERS fee unatonable faults : 
 To return PELHAM faid, that all HASTINGS'S friends 
 Were wretches, who ferv'd his det eft able ends ; 
 
 i . 'Twas
 
 [ 45 ] 
 
 'Twas a comfort, howe'er, that the MANAGERS had 
 Some witnefles, not fo corruptedly bad : 
 " 'Tis faid, that in feizing the Princeffes' treafure, 
 " Neceffity urg'd and dictated the meafure ; 
 " But fuppofing it fo, he committed a blunder, 
 " In drawing refources from rapine and plunder : 
 " Befides, I can prove beyond all contradiction, 
 " That this Jlate necejfity is but a fiction ; 
 " But fuppofing it real, all people agree, 
 " State neceffity is a tyrannical plea." 
 Here fome who remember'd what came from that quarter, 
 When the party fell foul of the Company's charter, 
 Who had not feen much of the tergiverfations 
 Of Orators modern, when making orations, 
 With wonder were ftruck, that they nowjhould deny 
 That plea, upon which they wifh'd then to rely. 
 ThenPELHAM attention requefted to call, 
 To the fate of the ladies lodg'd in the KhordMhal; 
 A picture of horrible fuff 'rings he drew, 
 Which his confcience declared were infallibly true ; 
 Thofe dames, the compaflionate MANAGER faid, 
 Were driv'n to defpair by the wanting of bread ; 
 And he fadly lamented that damfels fo fair, 
 Should from wijhes ungratifiedjink in defpair ; 
 At the centinels pofted, the ladies threw dirt, 
 Who were frighted, it feems, but not mortally hurt ; v 
 
 They
 
 i 
 
 [ 46 ] 
 
 They threatened to throw themfelves over the wall, 
 
 And to dafh out their brains by the force of the fall j 
 
 Within the Zenana, no longer would they, 
 
 In zftarving condition impatiently flay, 
 
 But break out of prifon, and all run away : 
 
 One night they had fram'd fome uncommon defigns, 
 
 And had form'd and arrang'd themfelves into three lines ; 
 
 In the firft line their children, fo pretty, fo dear, 
 
 In the fecond the ladies, their Haves in the rear, 
 
 But what they intended, did never appear : 
 
 One day when the ladies were difmally weeping, 
 
 Letafut Darogah, who had them in keeping, 
 
 To filence their noife had no other recourfe, 
 
 Save driving them into the Convent by force : 
 
 The Sepoys were call'd, and a battle enfu'd, 
 
 The ladies were warm, and the Sepoys were rude ; 
 
 The former threw bricks, and the latter threw ftones, 
 
 Without breaking of heads, without fracturing bones. 
 
 At length after fighting, and driving in vain, 
 
 The ladies return 'd to their prifon again : 
 
 Soon after this difmal, this mocking adventure, 
 
 The Begums apartment they wanted to enter ; 
 
 But the BEGUM hard-hearted deny'd them admiflion, 
 
 So they went back again in a mournful condition ; 
 
 But what was the word of this accident new, 
 
 The Sepoys, alas ! had the Ladies in view. 
 
 Here
 
 [ 47 ] 
 
 Here PELHAM'S fpeech ended, which from the begin- 
 ning, 
 
 Had taken three hours, in the carding and fpinning. 
 Then SHERRY arofe, and complain'd of the trouble, 
 Which HASTINGS'S counfel were rendering double; 
 That making to evidence frequent objection 
 Did harm to their Jlories, and broke their connection ; 
 That themfelves were of evidence Judges the bejl, 
 As to what fliould be ready and what foou'd be fuppreft. 
 Then they call'd Major SCOTT, who is HASTING s's 
 
 friend, 
 
 And afk'd him by whom the Defences were penn'd : 
 He was help'd by his friends being Jlraighten' d for time, 
 Which proves, like the reft, an additional en 'me ; 
 Thus ended this day, and at meeting the next 
 We heard SHERRY preach upon quite a new test ; 
 And in order to cover the Pris'ner with blame, 
 He offer'd in evidence general fame ; 
 Common fame, he allow'd, was indifferent proofj 
 But in HASTINGS'S cafe, it would do well enough ; 
 And tho', fays my hero, it does not appear, 
 The report fpread fo far as to HASTINGS'S ear, 
 Yet whether he heard it or not, 'tis the fame, 
 He might, had he liften'd, have heard common fame. 
 Then witneffes many were call'd to the bar, 
 Till at length EDMUND call'd upon Prince Cantemar, 
 
 Whofe
 
 [ 4* ] 
 
 Whofe evidence, LAW and his brothers withftood, 
 But their LORDSHIPS declar'd, it was evidence good : 
 BURKE took up his book, and proceeded to read 
 A chapter intitled Sultana Vallde : 
 He read how the Sultans their mothers refpected, 
 That maternal injunctions were never neglected ; 
 In Mahommedan countries, the Mother Sultana 
 By cuftom prefides o'er the Sultan's Zenana ; 
 For the ufe of her fon, the kind matron provides 
 A plentiful (lock of young beautiful brides : 
 In the feaft of Bairam, a freih Virgin is led 
 Each night by the Mother to Royalty's bed ; 
 And tho* Virgins are fent by a three-tail'd Bamaw, 
 He cannot, according to Muflelmen Laws, 
 Touch one without making a wicked faux 
 If the Sultan, perchance, has a mind for fome other, 
 And gets her unknown to the Emprefs his mother, 
 It highly reflects on the Dowager's honor, 
 And fixes difgrace everlafling upon her. 
 Here ended this day, and their LORDSHIPS arofe, 
 So my Letter in confequence draws to a clofe ; 
 But permit me to tell, e'er I lay down my pen, 
 How the ftory affected the women and men ; 
 Thofe thought it a ivajieful profufwn of charms, 
 To fleep but one night in the Emperor's arms, 
 
 And 
 
 ^ , 
 
 Bamaw, "j 
 s, 
 
 pas: J
 
 [ 49 3 
 
 And lamented their fortune who after one night, 
 
 Were for ever feduded from tafting delight : 
 
 Thefe envy'd the Prince, and would fain introduce 
 
 A cuftom fo good into general ufe : 
 
 To the trial our Ladies impatiently run, 
 
 And expert repetition of fimilar fun. 
 
 April i c;th, 1788. 
 
 LETTER
 
 C 50 .] 
 
 LETTER IX. 
 
 JL OU complain, my dear Friend, of the time which 
 
 is part, 
 
 Since you and your friends were amus'd with my laft ; 
 But pray how am I to regale you with fun, 
 When BURKE and the MANAGERS treat us with none? 
 Befides, I've been troubled fo much with the vapours, 
 At hearing the Clerk read fuch bundles of papers ; 
 I aflure you, fo many dry tales have been read, 
 So many infipid tautologies faid, 
 That I feldom am free from a pain in my head : 
 And alas ! 'tis with infinite forrow I fay, 
 Six weeks in this manner are fquander'd away : 
 But to mow you I'm yet in the land of the living, 
 And able to write, I'm determin'd on giving 
 Of the Queftions and Anfwers a flight intimation, 
 As a fpecimen only of examination : 
 As foon as the Court is prepar'd to begin, 
 SHERRY rifes, and begs to call MIDDLETON in, 
 A name at whofe found there's a general grin. 
 Five days has poor MIDDLETON fweated and ftew'd ; 
 Their queftions are artful, his anfwers are forewd : 
 
 He
 
 C 5' 3 
 
 He was afk'd if the Eunuch ADMAS had a child} 
 
 Lord THURLOW look'd black, and the Ladies allfmil'd; 
 
 The witnefs made anfwer, I really can't fay, 
 
 The powers of his mem'ry were melted away. 
 
 4J. Have you e'er feen the BEGUMS ? He anfwer'd IVe 
 
 not. 
 
 Q. Pray mention their perfons. A. Indeed I've forgot. 
 Q What may in rebellion your principles be, 
 
 Or can you the probable confequence fee 
 
 Of men rifing in arms and o'er-running the nation ? 
 A. Indeed 'tis a queftion of deep fpeculation. 
 Q. When the Eunuchs were fetter'd, pray what did they 
 feel? 
 
 Were they thinking of poifon, the rack, and the 
 t wheel ? 
 
 Or what do think you might have been their inten- 
 tions ? 
 
 A. I concern not myfelf about their apprehenfions. 
 . How many young damfels Hv'd in the Khord Mhal ? 
 A. I do not believe I can recollect all. 
 ^. . Say, what were their wimes and what was their view ? 
 A. I cannot remember that ever I knew. 
 . When they threatened to throw themfelves over" 
 the wall, 
 
 What induc'd them to hazard the getting a fall ? 
 A. I do not remember they dldfo at all. 
 
 E 2 %. Why
 
 C v ] 
 
 5>. Why did GORDON addrefs to the BEGUM that Letter 
 A. He bimfelf is in Court and can anfever you better. 
 Q. You were at Lucknow in the year eighty-two j 
 A. I'm inclin'd to believe what you fay may be true. 
 ^. Have you any doubts of it ? And if fo, how many ? 
 A. I believe not : I think that I cannot have any, 
 . The Pris'ner's defence, did you pen part or not ? 
 A. I had fome convention with Major John SCOTT. 
 $. With the counfel of HASTINGS, were your at the 
 
 Hall?* 
 
 A. I might accidentally give them a call. 
 <^. What, go accidentally with Major SCOTT ? 
 A. I really don't know, if I did I've forgot. 
 . Do children in India their Parents efteem ? 
 
 Do they love their Mammas' ? and how ftrong do 
 
 you deem 
 
 Their affection may be ? Or pray can you tell, 
 If Papa and Mamma are lov'd equally well ? 
 A. Some perhaps love their Father and fome love their 
 
 Mother, 
 
 And fome children love neither one nor the other. 
 ^ Does the Son by the Laws of the Cor an fucceed 
 To the Father's eftates ? A. Yes : the eldeft in- 
 deed. 
 
 * Drapers' Hall, 
 
 & Ma?
 
 C 53 ] 
 
 . May the Mother that property legally keep, 
 
 Lodg'd where (he and her huiband did ufually ileep ? 
 
 & I am rather inclin'd to be led, I confefs, 
 
 To believe that the wife no fuch right does poffefs. 
 
 In this manner was MIDDLETON badger'd and flurry 'd s 
 'Like a bull at a flake by fierce animals worry 'd : 
 Mean while the fevered fatiric remarks 
 Were made on his words, by thofe critical fparks : 
 Till at length LAW requefted their LORDSHIPS would 
 
 take 
 
 Companion upon him for Clemency s fake. 
 In the vafl heap of queftions I almoft forgot, 
 To relate SHERRY'S conduft to Major John SCOTT j 
 This witnefs he prefs'd very hard to produce 
 Some private remarks for the MANAGER'S #/, 
 Private Letters and all, this inquifitor keen, 
 Maintains by themfelves may be property fifa. 
 But in this the arch MANAGER did not fucceed j 
 It was thought by the LORDS an indelicate deed : 
 Sir ELIJAH was call'd, and a number of men, 
 All examin'd and queflion'd again and again : 
 But as there was nought entertaining and new, 
 It could anfwer no purpofe to write it to you ; 
 So weary was I with this Examination, 
 Tnat I almoft refolv'd to defert my narration : 
 
 E 3 At
 
 [ 54 ] 
 
 At length, SHERRY fqddenly ended my forrow, 
 By declaring he meant to fum up on the morrow ; 
 He will fum up the whole of the Charge as he goes, 
 But amidft all the fummings up, under the rofe, 
 I would afk when he means to fum up what he owes. 
 
 May jth, 1788. 
 
 LET-
 
 C 55 J 
 
 LETTER X, 
 
 THE IMPEACHMENT. 
 
 i OU ASSURE me, dear Brother, the comical tales 
 I've related, amufe our acquaintance in WALES ; 
 You beg me, as SHERRY proceeds to Impeach, 
 To give you in rhyme the contents of hisfpeeck. 
 The tafk is too hard for the fpeech is fo fine, 
 It efcapes fuch a dull underftanding as mine. 
 Howe'er, to oblige you as far as I can, 
 I'll begin an oration as SHERRY began. 
 When the LORDS were aflembl'd, and fet in their places, 
 He rofe up, brimful of theatrical graces : 
 (f Permit me, my LORDS, ere I fpeak more at large, 
 " To difclaim every' motive for making this charge. 
 " Has the NABOB complain'd? Is the Prifoner accus'd 
 " At the fuit of thofe ladies we fay he abus'd .? 
 " 'Tis the caufe of mankind, led by EDMUND the brave, 
 " His object is man, from man's bafenefs to fave. 
 " The MINISTER PITT fays, " the Treafury is drained ;" 
 " But all muft admit they are much entertained. 
 " However, I'd have it be well underftood, 
 t( If we have any motive, 'tis certainly good. 
 
 4 "My
 
 C *s j 
 
 <c My LORDS, you expeft proofs conclave andjirongi 
 
 *' But in that expectation, your Lord/hips are wrong : 
 
 cc From documents written, no proof can we draw, 
 
 <6 Nor can any one fwear to what nobody faw. 
 
 * c I'm not pleading excufe for our failing in proof, 
 
 f< For tho' we bring none, we can make out enough : 
 
 <f I mall make out enough from the Prisoner's defence, 
 
 " By giving my meaning, and taking his fenfe. 
 
 tff J Tis faid, when the Houfe a delinquent impeaches, 
 
 " The MANAGERS mould be correct in their fpeeches; 
 
 " That is, they mould make a plain fimple narration 
 
 " Of facts, well attefted, without aggravation : 
 
 ce That legal chicanery mould not afiift, 
 
 et To give the plain fenfe an ingenious twift. 
 
 te But, my LORDS, by your leave, the diftinction I'll 
 
 trace, 
 
 ff Betwixt miftkmeanour and capital cafe ; 
 * c For unlefs we were certain your LORDSHIPS would 
 
 " hang him, 
 
 * f The MANAGERS' tongues claim a licence to bang him. 
 <f The PRISONER, my LORDS, under various pretences, 
 Cf Has fet up at times a long firing of defences : 
 " My LORDS, there was one to the COMMONS addrefs*d, 
 " But that to your Lordjhips is reckoned the bejl ; 
 " It feems that the former was haft'ily penn'd 
 ^ By thofc that would do it acquaintance or friend : 
 
 " And
 
 ** VIAWU rr in JAMP 
 
 ar lor : 1 
 
 COTT, I 
 
 I've forgot. J 
 
 C 57 J 
 
 <( And as all common men are but commonly wife, 
 
 t( For the COMMONS, a common defence would fufficc * 
 
 " And finding our charges divided and fplit, 
 
 " Each journeyman took what the MASTER thought fit. 
 
 * Myftill in finance, Mr. SHORE, is your lot : 
 
 " My confidence to prove, I rely upon SCOTT, 
 
 " And on MIDDLETON'S memory, when 
 
 * e He thought, as the COMMONS themfelves were de- 
 
 " puted, 
 
 (< The COMMONS, by deputy, might be confuted; 
 " But now that your LORDSHIPS have call'd him before 
 
 " you, 
 
 " At your Bar it behoves him to tell his own ftory. 
 * e But, my LORDS, we object to this fhifting of ground 
 " For the conduct of journeymen matters are bound. 
 " Would it not be, my LORDS, moft furprizing and 
 
 " flrange, 
 
 C If EDMUND our CHIEF, Us opinion fiould change? 
 ** If having perfuaded the COMMONS to join 
 " In .a vote, he mould take up 
 " And fay , " The impeachment ivas^ yoursj 
 " That he ever was HASTINGS'S/H^ in his heart, 
 " Tho' compell'd to accept of a MANAGER'S part ? 
 
 iMONStojoin V 
 
 a different line, > 
 
 5 yours, and not mine : " J 
 
 While SHERRY was fpeaking, I could not conceive, 
 Why the LORDS and the COMMONS all laugh'd in their 
 
 fleeve ; 
 
 Why
 
 f 58 D 
 
 Why BURKE fear'd that SHERRY was out of his track, 
 Why Fox's dark face look'd a little more black 
 But fmce I have learnt, that the picture he drew, 
 Was the likenefs of fometbing that moft people knew 
 That BURKE and CHARLES Fox had conjointly brought 
 
 forth 
 
 The very fame arguments verfus LORD NORTH. 
 That CHARLES would not " truft his dear perfon a 
 
 " minute" 
 
 Alone with LORD NORTH, fo much danger was in it. 
 And BURKE, with impeachments^ Houfe to fupply, 
 Carry 'd fome in his pocket, " cut ready and dry." 
 1 am told, it has long been his cuflom to take 'em 
 Wherever he goes, like a Prieft's " Vade Mecum." 
 St. STEPHEN'S refounded with SCAFFOLD and BLOCK, 
 NORTH fell from the Treafury Bench with a mock. 
 << Throw a bone to a dog, and no longer he marls," 
 So NORTH threw a bone out to EDMUND and CHARLES; 
 That is, they determined, if PITT had not feen 'em, 
 To (hare all the loaves and the fifties between J em. 
 From that moment have CHARLEY and EDMUND 
 
 agreed, 
 
 That NORTH muft be honed and noble indeed ! 
 BURKE fearches for elegant phrafe to commend : 
 And CHARLES too is happy to call him his friend. 
 
 As
 
 C 59 3 
 
 As SHERRY in fpeaking is fond of precifion, 
 He adopts the theatrical mode of dlvifion : 
 That is, he arranges the plot and the fafts, 
 And the play will confift of a number of afts. 
 ONE act was gone through when the poft-bell was ring- 
 ing* 
 
 Which unluckily puts a full flop to my linging. 
 Howe'er, if this letter can add to your pleafure, 
 I'll fend you another as foon as Pve leifure, 
 Junejth, 1788. 
 
 LET-
 
 C 60 ] 
 
 . 
 
 LETTER XL 
 
 .A.G A IN, my dear Brother, I take up the quill, 
 
 My debt to difcharge, and my promife fulfill. 
 
 Thus SHERRY began : " Now, my Lords, I proceed 
 
 " Some loofe and confus'd affidavits to read : 
 
 <e I'll allow to be true every word they contain ; 
 
 *S But permit me their meaning and fenfe to explain. 
 
 " My Lords, there wasfwearing by foot and dragoons $ 
 
 '* By vottles fome fwore, and fome fwore by platoons ; 
 
 * c Thefe fwearings I call, SIR ELIJAH'S colleSlion^ 
 
 " Intended to prove a well known infurreclion : 
 
 * c But, my Lords, you mall prefently fee me victorious 
 
 " Over this infurrection, however notorious ; 
 
 " After what I have faid, will the counfel infift 
 
 " That any rebellion did ever exift ? 
 
 " This point being fettled, I now take my courfc 
 
 " To ASOPH UL DOWLAH'S attendants and horfe : 
 
 *' That he had two thoufand, the counfel contended, 
 
 " But that's a pofition that can't be defended. 
 
 " My Lords, I infill that two hundred's the moft ; 
 
 <c The reft had deferted, were jaded, or loft : 
 
 ' Befides, I requeft it may not be forgot 
 
 ' The rate ASOPH travelled, full gallop or trot ;
 
 avel incog'\ 
 r clog, 
 
 r J 
 
 [ 61 ] 
 
 i: And 'twas right that the NABOB mould travel i 
 
 " By poft or by Dauck, without baggage or 
 
 tc To fupprefs, like himfelf, a rebellion, incog. 
 
 *< But I'll give them two thoufand, with El: angles and 
 
 " Coolies, 
 
 * c With elephants, camels, with hackrees and doolies f 
 <e The counfel Tome proof have endeavoured to bring, 
 " ThattheBEGUMslentaidtotheRAjAHCHEYT SING, 
 <c One thoufand Nejeebs but I boldly avow 
 " They were fellows with matchlocks, detach'd from 
 
 (C LUCK NOW ; 
 ** But where ever they came from, I care not about 
 
 'em, 
 
 fc For your Lordmips (hall fee, in five minutes I'll rout 
 
 " 'em. 
 
 ** SADUT ALLY, they fay, in confpiracy join'd, 
 <c And I afk'd Sir ELIJAH, why HE was not fin'd ? 
 ** Sir ELIJAH, my Lords, gave a very good reafbn, 
 (f The man who is poor, can't be guilty oftreafon. 
 " His fafety was then to infolvency due 
 (t An axiom, I find, inconteftably true. 
 tf My Lords, I (hall prove this commotion and rifing 
 " Was not of my Ladies the BEGUMS' devifmg ; 
 " And their Eunuchs, poor creatures, fo gentle and mild I 
 " Are unable to injure man, woman, or child. 
 
 " Colonel
 
 r 62 3 
 
 *f Colonel HANNAY himfelf, I can prove, was the man 
 " From whofe cruelties all the difturbance began : 
 " And this to eftabliih, no witnefs I call, 
 " Save the elegant letters of Naylor and Hall. 
 " The BEGUMS' Jaghire, Major Naylor march'd thro', 
 <c Twixt the Goomty and Gogra, his route to purfue-; 
 " Where for fome little time his battalions were halted, 
 " Some RAJAH to quell, who, he fays, had revolted 
 " This revolt, I prefume, muft have been a miftake, 
 st So J pafs over that, for his memory's fake. 
 " But when to the country of HANNAY he came, 
 " He found nothing elfe but combuilion and flame* 
 " The army of rebels the Major o'erthrew ; 
 " He frighted their heroes ; he wounded and flew. 
 " Thefe poor dying wretches, that made no refiftance, 
 " He.ofFer'd to cure : They refus'd his afliftance. 
 " The counfel may fay, 'tis from prejudice flrong, 
 " Thofe men their exiftence refus'd to prolong ; 
 " That a. foreigner's touch would a BRAMIN pollute; 
 " But prejudice now 'tis my turn to diijpute. 
 " Thefe folks were from fuch foolifh prejudice free 
 " They were patriots, my LORDS, of the higheft degree ; 
 " They died that their blood to their GODS might afcend t 
 " Who till now to their cries did not chufe to attend !" 
 
 Foftr
 
 C 63 ] 
 
 Four hours and a half, ere he came to a clofe, 
 Did SHERRY declaim on fuch topics as thofe : 
 He ended at length with a compliment fine 
 To BURKE, whom he ftil'd (e fomething more than 
 
 " divine !" 
 
 For giving himfelf this occafion to mine. 
 And BURKE, to whom nothing's more odious and hate- 
 
 ful, 
 
 Than the man who for favour conferr'd is ungrateful, 
 Opportunity found, with large int'reft to pay 
 The compliments back, on the very fame day. 
 One man had, it feems, the prefumption to flate, 
 The IMPEACHMENT Expence was enormoufly great : 
 When BURKE, in a moment, fprung up in his place, 
 And cry'd, as he ftar'd the man full in the face 
 " Such Jiinginefs , Sir, would a nation difgrace I 
 " After all the fine things we've heard SHERIDAN fay, 
 " He's a pitiful wretch who refufes to pay : 
 " Now that genius has blinded our eyes with its flam, 
 " Can we look at accounts f Can we fum up our cam ? 
 " After foaring above all the regions of fenfe, 
 " Can we tumble fo low as to think about pence ? 
 " Has not SHERRY, this morning, expos'd to your view, 
 " All the beauties of We/pis, and Cicero too ? 
 " To the BISHOPS, he gave an example of preaching ; 
 " To the COMMONS, a model of future impeaching; 
 
 " His- 
 
 11 y & l ^- 
 his place, "J 
 
 T I
 
 C 64 ] 
 
 " HISTORIANS, hereafter, (hall copy his di&ida* 
 " And POETS themfelves may learn leffbns offiEllon : 
 tc RHETORICIANS aretaughtthe arrangements ofjlowers, 
 " To the bufkln and fock he has given new powers ; 
 (C The PAINTERS -may learn finer pictures to draw, 
 fe And the Judges new Modes of interpreting law. 
 C( From him may the Orator learn to prevail, 
 " By action and found, when his arguments fail : 
 " The PHILOSOPHER too, may learn nature to fift; 
 Cc The Attorney, to cloak a bad caufe with a fliift. 
 * e Now fince ev'ry profeffion fome benefit draws, 
 " Can we think for a moment offarvittg tie caufe !" 
 
 No fooner was EDMUND fat down, than zfpark 
 Arofe in his place, and begg'd leave to remark, 
 " That himfelf and fome others remembered the day,' 
 " When the MAN who fo freely votes thoufands away. 
 " For hearing a fpeech, or for feeing a play, 
 " Was once in his MAJESTY'S Kitchen fo fparing, 
 " As to weigh out the cheefe, nay, to pocket the paring /" 
 
 "1 
 "I 
 
 And now, my dear BROTHER, I lay down my pen, 
 Which after next Tuefday I'll take up again. 
 
 June 8th, 1788. 
 
 LETTER
 
 LETTER XII. 
 DEAR BROTHER 
 
 W ERE it not that I fear you would deem it neglect, 
 Or accufe, me, perhaps, of the want of rejpeft, 
 I would pafs o'er in filence the Speech of this day ; 
 For SIMKIN, like SHERRY, wants fomething to fay. 
 The PEERESSES thought there would rife a new Sun, 
 And that former out-doings would now be out-done I 
 At Six in the morning, 'tis faid they arofe 
 By Eight drefs'd their heads, by Nine put on their 
 
 cloaths 
 
 By Ten took their places, in high expectation 
 Of feeing this SHERIDAN aft an oration. 
 By half after Twelve, or at fartheft by One, 
 The PEERS were aflembled the PLAY was begun. 
 Two hours, he harangu'd, but I little remember, 
 " Save IMPEY and DAVY, and i2th of December." 
 He defcrib'd a circuitous firing of fuggeftions, 
 And put to the Counfel fame very clofe queftions. 
 He knew he might fafely their anfwers defy, 
 Since the forms of the COURT would not let them reply. 
 
 F As
 
 [ 66 D 
 
 As the fenfe of his fpeech was but ill underftood 
 
 By myfelf, I conclude 'twas uncommonly good. 
 
 When his genius inflammable rofe to its height, 
 
 Like LUNARDI'S Balloon, it efcap'd from our fight : 
 
 As when fome Balloon at its equipoife pitch, 
 
 Lofes part of its air by the break of a flitch, 
 
 The high-flying HERO no remedy knows, 
 
 And the car tumbles down with more fpeed than it rofe : 
 
 So the high-flying SHERRY difcover'd at length, 
 
 That an Orator may ibar too high for his ftrength : 
 
 For juft as his voice was rais'd up to its top, 
 
 The Court, with furprize, faw him fuddenly ftop. 
 
 Then ADAM flepp'd forward, and faid, " that his friend 
 
 " Was feiz'd with a- -a- -trifling and therefore muft end." 
 
 This accident, Brother, muft greatly diminifh 
 
 The length of my letter ; and here I mould finifti, 
 
 Were it not that I heard fome odd jocular /parks 
 
 Converting together, and making remarks. 
 
 A trifling ! faid one, as he laugh 'd very hearty, 
 
 Has long been the common difeafe of the party. 
 
 LORD CROP, who is one of your old fafhion'd Peers, 
 
 That wants to find MEANING in all that he hears, 
 
 Said, " Orators now were not fram'd to his tafte, 
 
 " They carry no weight, they're conftrufled for hafte ; 
 
 " And like our Mail Coaches, that travel ib fail, 
 
 ** Muft now and then get an unfortunate caft." 
 
 One
 
 C 67 ) 
 
 One Gentleman faid, " where he reafons on fads, 
 " We find SHERRY dull; but whenever he atts, 
 <( In five minutes time he difplays to our view, 
 6 The Tragic, the Comic, the Pantomime too," 
 He added, that all the great men of our nation 
 Would adopt a new plan for their fons* education ; 
 They find it now ufelefs to lay in a flock 
 Of logic, by reading fuch authors as LOCKE 5 
 They find graceful afiion and elegant diRion 
 More powerful than reafon to carry conviction : 
 So a new fet of tutors they mean to engage 
 The very beft actors they find on the ftage ; 
 Some Mafter, like SIDDONS, whofe pathos excels 
 Or whofe leflbns mail imitate nature like WELLS* 
 And the lawyers, it feems, who attend the King's Courts, 
 No longer will trouble themfelves with reports* 
 The Student finds COKE upon LYTTLETON dry, 
 And with Johnfon and Shakfpeare his place will fupply ; 
 In fhort, the old ORATOR'S * anfwer is true 
 * f That Aftion,. and nothing but ACTION, will do !" 
 Here then I conclude, and (hall filent remain, 
 Till SHERRY begins his Oration again. 
 June i3th, 1788. 
 
 * Alluding to the Philofopher, who being afked what was the firft 
 qualification of an Orator, anfwered, A&ion ; what the fecond, Ac- 
 tion ; what the third, Aftion j meaning thereby, that Attion was 
 enough for an Orator. 
 
 F 2 LET-
 
 C 68 ] 
 
 LETTER XIIL 
 
 JL/EAR BROTHER, at laft I've the pleafure to fay, 
 That the Orator clos'd his Oration this day. 
 Tho' EDMUND his chief, who fuppofes the flrength 
 And effeft of a Speech correfpond with its length, 
 Inawhifperobferv'd " Now you find yourfelfftronger, 
 f( You might as well fpeak for a 'week or two longer." 
 
 Thus SHERRY began : " Much indebted I own 
 tf Myfelf to this COURT, for the favor they've (hewn ; 
 (f My LORDS, you'll excufe my again going o'er 
 " The ground I have travers'd fo often before ; 
 " Your LORDSHIPS remember I left off with reading 
 " The narrative part and I now am proceeding 
 " To bring from behind the thick mift of confufion, 
 " A fraudulent friendjhip, and friendly collujion. 
 (f Thefe things came to light from the reading a letter 
 " A private epiflle, and fo much the better 
 " When in private and public we find contradiction, 
 " That letter which tends to the Pn '[oner's, conviftion 
 
 " That
 
 [ 69 ] 
 
 cf That 'Letter alone we bring forward to view 
 
 " Convinced that none elfe can be poffibly true. 
 
 " The Pris'ner, it feems, thought it matter of wonder, 
 
 " That MIDDLETON gave him no part of the Plunder; 
 
 " That the difPrence 'twixt him and his Agent was wider 
 
 fc Than that between LION and Lion's Provider : 
 
 <( That at leaft it became an obedient Jackal 
 
 tc To remember the Lion, and not fwallow all. 
 
 " My LORDS, tho' we make out nopojitive Proof, 
 
 " That thefe were his thoughts, we've fufpicion enough ; 
 
 ({ And I truft that this Court will give ready admiflion, 
 
 (e In failure of Proofs, to ASSERTED SUSPICION. 
 
 " My LORDS, there have been many Letters fuppreft, 
 
 " Some made for the purpofe, and fome better dreft. 
 
 " There was one from the NABOB, by which it appears 
 
 " He wifli'd not to take the Bow BEGUM'S Jaghires. 
 
 tl Thefe PRINCESSES had (what our Ladies would think 
 
 " Not uncommon) a whim for good viftuals and drink 
 
 (( Too long in the habit of cutting and carving, 
 
 " To relifh the Fafhion of pinching and ftarving. 
 
 (( Now the Pris'ner, who wickedly wanted to force 
 
 " Thofe Ladies to follow fome defperate courfe, 
 
 " Thought nothing fo likely to ftir up a riot, 
 
 " As to weaken the Tea, or to alter their Diet. 
 
 < f Not all the tyrannical ads of paft Ages, 
 
 " Not TACITUS, No ! not the luminous Pages 
 
 F 3 " Of
 
 C 7 3 
 
 " Of GIBBON himfelf, can an inftance produce 
 
 " Of Authority turn'd to fo wicked a ufe ; 
 
 " No cruelties equal were exercis'd in 
 
 " This World, fmce the days of ORIGINAL SIN, 
 
 " To the forcing a tender affectionate Son, 
 
 ff To act by his Mother as ASOPH has done. 
 
 <f He forgot in our SHAKSPEARE that precept divine, 
 
 " Let thy mind be untainted, and nothing dejign 
 
 <c Againft thy dear Mother ! No, this he forgot 
 
 " Or if he remember'd, regarded it not. 
 
 " 'Twas hoped, that the BEGUMS would openly rife, 
 
 " And afTemble a Haft by the found of their cries ; 
 
 " That HASTINGS might find fome excufe for the 
 
 " rrieafure 
 
 " He meant to adopt with refpect to their Treafure ; 
 " But the BEGUMS, my LORDS, tho' of millions bereft, 
 " Could live pretty well upon that which was left : 
 " They areftricken in years, they are gentle and meek ; 
 " No refentment they feel, and no vengeance they feek, 
 " E'en now that ourfelves with fuch zeal are purfuing 
 " This Man, THEY wouldweep if they heard of his ruin. 
 " 'Twas expedient, my LORDS, that thefe Dames ihou'd 
 
 " rebel, 
 
 " Or be thought fo at leaft, which would anfwer as well. 
 " So IMPEY fet off, and collected a pack 
 " Of ftrange Affidavits, fome white and fome black, 
 " And return'd with a budget brim full in a crack. 
 
 " One
 
 [* 
 7i J 
 
 " One day, the CHIEF JUSTICE was travelling poft * 
 ff The next at Luc KNOW, when, like Old HAMLET'S 
 
 Gbojt, 
 " Swear ! Swear ! you muft Swear ! was Old TRUE- 
 
 " PENNY'S cry, 
 
 " To thofe who itood near, and to thofe that pafs'd by.'* 
 " My LORDS, this great Man, in afiefling the rate 
 " Of Crimes, had an eye to the wants of the State : 
 " JUSTINIAN and TIMUR he treated as fools, 
 <f And was guided by COCKER'S Numerical Rules. 
 " Ye GUARDIANS of Juftice, to you I appeal 
 " Shall Private give way to the General Weal ? 
 " Ye PRELATES, to whom our Religion belongs, 
 <( Our Country to fave, may we do private wrongs ? 
 tc To decide on this Queftion, my LORDS, is your lot, 
 ** Whether HASTING s's condudt was ufeful or not ? 
 " Let the TRUTH but APPEAR, and the Battle is won, 
 " The Verdid is ours ! Now, my LORDS, I have done /' 
 
 The Gallery folk, who, milled by the fport, 
 Conceiv'd 'twas a Play-Houfe 9 injlead of a COURT; 
 And thinking the Actor uncommonly good, 
 They CLAPP'D, and cry'd " BRAVO !" as loud as they 
 
 could. 
 
 Then EDMUND gave SHERRY a hearty embrace, 
 And cry'd, as he fputter'd all over his face, 
 ( ( At Supper this night thoujhalt have /&*FIRSTPLACE!" 
 F 4 On
 
 C 7* 3 
 
 On thy Leader's right hand be thy dignify'd feat ; 
 Fat Beef and fat Mutton (hall garnilh thy Plate ; 
 And when thou haft fupp'd, to enliven the foul, 
 Shall Claret and Burgundy fill up thy Bowl ! 
 The HEROES, who long and fuccefsfully fight, 
 From the Editts of HOMER etlablifh a right 
 To enjoy the rich Feaft with BRISEIS at night. 
 
 And now, till the Court {hall think fit to renew 
 The Trial, dear BROTHER, I bid you adieu. 
 
 June i8th, 1788. 
 
 LET-
 
 C 73 3 
 
 LETTER XIV. 
 BROTHER SIMON IN WALES 
 
 TO 
 
 SIMKIN THE SECOND IN LONDON. 
 
 FORGIVE me, Dear Sim, if I'm not deeply fmit- 
 
 ten, 
 
 With your half dozen Letters fo fluently written ; 
 And fince,- after SHERIDAN'S heart-ftirring fummons, 
 Apaufe is judg'd prudent by LORDS as by COMMONS : 
 And leifure may leave you to liften inclin'd, 
 J embrace a fit moment to tell you my mind. 
 
 Methinks, Brother Sim, your adventure was bold, 
 When you ftepp'd forth an ape of your Namefake of old-; 
 That Simkin fo pleafant, whofe well-mingled fatire 
 Ow'd no poifon to Party, no gall to ill-nature ; 
 From Talents and Virtue withholding his fneer, 
 At folly HE laugh 'd, and the laugh wzsjincere : 
 In Vanity's Vortex his models he chofe, 
 And Coxcombs and Pedants alone were his foes. 
 
 i But
 
 [ 74 ] 
 
 But you, my dear Brother , with feelings more nice, 
 Find ridicule lurking in horror of Vice ; 
 And efforts of Genius acute and refin'd, 
 That honour our Country, our Age, and Mankind, 
 Deform'd in your Verfe, take a farcical mien, 
 Where pleafantry check'd, wears the features of Spleen, 
 Too angry for Humour, for Cenfure too gay, 
 Your irony dies in plain flory away. 
 And, while we lament that your Arrows are (hot, 
 Where Envy and Party in vain feek a blot, 
 We cannot avoid, Brother Simkin t be fure, 
 Sufpecting your motives may not be quite pure. 
 And thus, when you tell us you're glad to the heart, 
 " * That tbe ORATOR SHERRY has fnijk' d his part " 
 When you fay " that f me Letters are meant for CON vie- 
 
 TION," 
 
 We own that you there drop the language of Ft ft ion. 
 
 Beware, Brother Simkin, this Painter fublime, 
 
 Who has lately engrofs'd your befpattering Rhyme, 
 
 In a playful effuiion of Fancy has (hewn, 
 
 A PORTRAIT that forne may miftake for jour own : 
 
 A Plagiary Author, Retailer of Scraps, 
 
 Purloin 'd from a Brother from ANSTEY perhaps : 
 
 AH Candour without, all Envy within, 
 
 A fmile ill concealing the horrible grin ; 
 
 * Vide Simkin's 6th Letter. 
 
 Who
 
 C 75 ] 
 
 Who fain would be witty and archly fevere, 
 
 While from eyes fwoln with rage, gufties forth the hot 
 
 tear. 
 
 The Pifture in PARSONS yet gladdens the fcene, 
 Nor need I repeat, 'tis SIR FRETFUL I mean. 
 
 Then warn'd, my dear Broiler, with SHERRY have 
 
 done, 
 
 Nor hang up your Blanket 'twixt us and the Sun ; 
 Fot lo ! through the pores of your thread-bare defign, 
 The rays of the God more refplendently fhine. 
 
 Julyift, 1788, 
 
 LET-
 
 I 76 3 
 
 LETTER XV. 
 SIM KIN THE SECOND, 
 
 NOTICING SIMON. 
 
 DOME fellow, dear Brother, affuming your name, 
 My Letters to you have thought proper to blame ; 
 His Cenfure's convey'd in a diflbnant Chime, 
 With one Line for Senfe, and another for Rhyme ! 
 He talks about " SHERIDAN'S heart-ftirring Sum* 
 
 mons," 
 
 For no other ufe but to jingle with Commons ; 
 Then he fpeaks of " Old SIMKIN, whofe well-mingled 
 
 " fatire 
 
 " Ow'd no Poifon to Party, no gall to ill-nature.*' 
 Such uncouth ideas in every line 
 Prove clearly, the Writer's no Brother of mine. 
 He tells me, forfooth, " that he's not deeply fmitten 
 " With my half dozen Letters fo fluently written;" 
 Were he not below notice, fome lines I would write him, 
 That, if he can feel, mould effectually fmite him. 
 One moment he thinks, and the next he isfure, 
 That " my motive for writing is not very pure," 
 
 If
 
 [ 77 3 
 
 If SIMKIN the Second he really knew, 
 He would own, with a blulh, his Sufplcion untrue. 
 By his boldly obtruding Su/piciott for KNOWLEDGE, 
 One would think him a Student of SHERIDAN'S College $ 
 But when I coniider how feeble his Pen, 
 SHERRY never could own him as one of bis Men. 
 Once more then, dear Brother, I bid you adieu, 
 And will write nothing more till requeued by you. 
 
 P. S. As to SHERRY himfelf juft to fill up the void, 
 /;/ fuppre/tng all Theatres, now he's employed ; 
 And having in ACTING accomplim'd fome Fame, 
 He's preventing all others from doing the fame. 
 For that excellent Precept has ne'er met his eye, 
 cf Do to others, ob Man ! as thou wouUjl be dons by" 
 
 July 8th, 178!. 
 
 LET-
 
 LETTER XVI. 
 
 THE 
 
 REAL SIMON IN WALES, 
 
 SIMKIN THE SECOND IN LONDON. 
 
 JV1.Y dear Brother SIMKIN, with heartfelt concern, 
 From reading The WORLD of loft Monday, I learn, 
 Thatfome impudent Knave had the boldnefs to fend you 
 Some lines in my name, with a view to offend you. 
 The work I difclaim, and 'tis my refolution, 
 If I find out the rogue, to commence profecution. 
 No, BROTHER, your Letters muft always delight us, 
 And we hope, you will ever continue to write us. 
 When the Simpleton call'd you " Retailer of Scraps/* 
 One would think that he meant to give SHERIDAN ilapstf 
 Of novelty carelefs, you only profefs 
 To give SHERIDAN'S fpeecb, a poetical drefs. 
 
 Sir LAWRENCE LLEWELLYN, return'd to his feat, 
 Laft night gave his friends, the ele&ors, a trea$; 
 
 Sir
 
 C 79 3 
 
 Sir LAWRENCE, you know, is a man of high breeding, 
 And exceffi very fond of theatrical reading ; 
 Hefaid, " SHERRY'S Speech was an excellent piece 
 " Of patch work, with fhreds brought from ROME and 
 
 " from GREECE ; 
 
 " But fhould Poets and Orators try him for theft 
 " Like the jackdaw of old, would a feather be left?" 
 Sir LAWRENCE obferv'd, 'twas exceedingly odd, 
 To hear of an actor becoming a God. 
 But he thinks this new GOD, mould in gratitude fofter 
 And fupport his Creator, this Simon impqftor. 
 Sir LAWRENCE confider'd the fcribler's obtrufion 
 Of Sir FRETFUL, a very unhappy allufion. 
 Now, I bid you farewell, till the PARLIAMENT ends, 
 When I hope, my dear SIMKIN will vifit his friends. 
 
 July i5th, 1788. 
 
 LET*
 
 C So ] 
 
 LETTER XVII. 
 SIMKIN to his DEAR BROTHER SIMON, 
 
 IN W A L E . 
 
 .HUZZA, my dear Boy ! Renovation of FUN ! 
 The curtain's drawn up, and the Play is begun ! 
 You have read in POPE'S Homer, how royal ATRIDES 
 Ufed to fummon to council, that bully TYDIDES ; 
 MENELAUS, the cuckbold block AJAX ; old NESTOR, 
 ULYSSES, the knave, and THERSYTES, the jefter : 
 With worthies, like thofe, he was wont to debate, 
 How to conquer old PRIAM, and ruin his ftate. 
 To each feparate leader fuch part he aflign'd, 
 As fuited the pow'rs of his body and mind. 
 For floth and remiflhefs, he fame reprehended, 
 And fome, for their courage and zeal, he commended. 
 So, (/fo POST and //fo HERALD announce to their readers,) 
 Has EDMUND, great EDMUND, that leader of kaders, 
 To council conven'd the whole corps of conductors, 
 With Attornies and Counfellors, legal inftruftors. 
 When they all were affembled, BURKE rofe to explain 
 The plan he had form'd for the op'ning campaign. 
 
 " Ye
 
 C 8: ] 
 
 te Ye lingual champions, would the ALMIGHTY blefs 
 ec Our unremitted labours with fuccefs, 
 " Soon fhould we ftretch this EASTERN VICTIM low, 
 " And proudly triumph o'er our hated foe. 
 fc But HEAVEN, alas! to us its aid denies, 
 < c HASTINGS, e'en yet, is favour'd by the fkies; 
 " Eight tedious years have pafled, fmce I began 
 " To war with this 'unconquerable man ; 
 " All means, all arts, all ftratagems I've try'd, 
 fe And fought with Fox and PARTY on my fide ; 
 " For terms opprobrious, ranfack'd JOHNSON through; 
 cc Till JOHNSON'S learning yielded nothing new. 
 ec I tax'd my brain, inventive, to traduce 
 " The foe, by ftrong diverfify'd abufe ; 
 " But vain my toil, the public flill admire 
 " The man who boldly braves a PATRIOT'S ire. 
 " Oft has defpair excited me to yield, 
 " And leave my foe the honour of the field. 
 (e But now I fee one ray of comfort Jpring, 
 (e While NOBLES mourn thefaknefs of the KING, 
 " Come then, my HEROES, be the fight renew'd, 
 (< And WARREN HASTINGS may be yet fubdu'd." 
 
 Here EDMUND ceas'd th'aflembled Chiefs agreed, 
 'Twas theirs to follow, as 'twas his to lead. 
 
 G Then
 
 C 82 ] 
 
 Then BURKE refum'd " My friends, bear well in mind, 
 
 " The part to each bold leader I've affign'd ; 
 
 " The Heaven-born Lawyer, Fox, fhall fmgly ftand, 
 
 " Oppos'd to yonder formidable band ; 
 
 " His powerful eloquence (hall over-awe 
 
 " DALLAS and PLUMER, with their leader LAW, 
 
 " Their weaker notes, his thundering voice fhall drown, 
 
 " His eye-brows fright them with terrific frown. 
 
 " By fomeftiort turn toward adang'rous hit, 
 
 " Or gall the enemy with ftrokes of v/it : 
 
 " To paint the Matron's wrongs, or caufe to flow 
 
 " The tear of pity, forjiftitious woe ; 
 
 " The various beauties of the STAGE to cull, 
 
 " Give life and fpirits, when the COURT grows dull ; 
 
 " To pleafe the Ladies, make the audience merry, 
 
 " My hopes and confidence areplac'd on SHERRY : 
 
 " But let him heedful of the darts he fends, 
 
 " Wound not obliquely, as before, his FRIENDS. 
 
 " To prove in TACTICS, HASTINGS' want of fkill, 
 " His military plans, concerted ill ; 
 " To prove that long, unparallel'd fuccefs 
 " Makes, if well underftood, his merit lefs -, 
 " That 'tis not CONQUEST ftamps the Hero GREAT, 
 " Since honours, ivealth, and fame, attend DEFEAT: 
 " This be thy glorious tafk, oh, great BURGOYNE ! 
 " And NORTH and ERSKINE, if they pleafe, may join. 
 i " AN-
 
 C 83 ] 
 
 " ANSTRUTHER,ADAM,TAYLOR,MAITLAND,GREY, 
 " May as occafions rife, come into play. 
 " Should SHERRY'S wit, or CHARLES'S reafoning fail, 
 " They, to confume the time, may ftorm and rail : 
 " With dirt and mud, bedawb the PRISONER thick, 
 (( Perchance fome fragments on his coat may flick. 
 
 (< You, brother DICK, mail be ourferjeant Prime, 
 <( The fugal-man } to watch, and give the time. 
 " When fparks of wit illuminating mine, 
 " I'll tip the wink do you repeat thejign, 
 " And, in loud laughter, let the Phalanx join. 
 
 " DOUGLAS, the green bag I confign to thee; 
 <f Let LAWRENCE hand the documents to me. 
 <( I truft the banquet to ^'ATTORNEY'S fkill ; 
 " TROWARD (hall tax, and pay the landlord's bill. 
 " Thefe, COADJUTORS, be your feparate tafks, 
 " Thefe are the duties which your LEADER alks." 
 
 He faid >and burfts of general applaufe 
 Prefag'd their future ardour in the caufe. 
 The meaner pan to youthful GREY affign'd, 
 Corrofive prey'd on his afpiring mind : 
 His pride was touch'd, his vanity was hurt ; 
 A SCAVENGER, forfooth !\ and deal in dirt ! 
 
 G 2 With.
 
 With eye indignant, viewing Marfial BURKE, 
 
 He cried, " My foul difdains fuch paltry work ; 
 
 " For throwing mud, and all fuch vulgar ftuff, 
 
 fe Thouneed'ft no aid thyfelf can/I throw enough! 
 
 <c No let the part / take be nobly large, 
 
 ff \fingly claim the conduct of a CHARGE ; 
 
 <f I pant, I burn, for Oratoric fame, 
 
 " With Fox, with SHERIDAN, to join my name. 
 
 " If this my juft requeft (hall be deny'd, 
 
 " EDMUND farewell! I take the better fide" 
 
 BURKE, in reply, thus footh'd his tejfy friend : 
 ' Thy warmth I pardon, and thy zeal commend i 
 " To thee hereafter, I'll a CHARGE confign, 
 " And thou, another SHETUDAN flialt mine ! 
 tf When change of pow'r puts PITT within my reach, 
 tc Or NORTH, or 7, will that rajh Soy IMPEACH ! 
 <( Not PITT alone, but more we have in view 
 <e ALL whoapprov'd the * Phantom, we'll purfue, 
 <f Of aid like thine, we then (hall Hand in need, 
 " And various caufcs thou (halt have to plead." 
 
 * See the Debates on the Regency Bill. When this letter was 
 written, the Managers were in daily expedition of filling the higheft 
 offices of the State. 
 
 Here
 
 C s 5 ] 
 
 Here the meeting broke up, and I've only to add, 
 It is flrongly fufpected, that EDMUND is mad! 
 For he means, as we hear> to bring forward a charge 
 Againft PITT, the tzvo HOUSES, and NATION at large ! 
 LORDS and COMMONS he reprobates loudly, for clofmg 
 With PITT'S limitations, and PITT for propofing : 
 In his moments of phrenfy, his rage he expreiTes, 
 'Gainft thofe COUNTIES and TOWNS that have fign'd 
 
 the addrejjes. 
 
 Like CAIN, he has made HUMAN NATURE his foe, 
 And at all who approach him, he levels a blow. 
 
 Here my Letter I clofe, but mould EDMUND'S pro- 
 ceeding 
 
 Supply me with aught that is worthy your reading, 
 Be aflur'd, I (hall quickly difpatch you another ; 
 For the prefent, I reft your affectionate Brother. 
 
 February i6th, 1789. 
 
 G3 LET-
 
 LETTER XVIII. 
 SIMON IN WALES 
 
 TO HIS 
 
 DEAR BROTHER SIMKIN IN LONDON. 
 
 W HAT a ftrange world it is, BROTHER SIMKIN! 
 
 we're in, 
 
 Of lies and confufion, of folly and fin ! 
 And the right and the wrong feems fo twilled about, 
 That I'm fure at this diflance they can't be found out. 
 
 But PARTY I fear is the caufe of the baflings, 
 So lavilhly given to poor WARREN HASTINGS. 
 And I oftentimes think all the MANAGERS cruel 
 That their FIRE is refentment, and MALICE the fuel; 
 Elfe why fhould DICK SHERRY, and old MASTER 
 
 BURKE 
 
 On the fubjedt of plunder and DEBTS make fuch work ? 
 Dire fpedres of MASSACRE call up to view, 
 When they furely might know, not a word of it's true. 
 Indeed I muft own that I pity the ears 
 Of their LORDSHIPS, the BISHOPS, and DIGNIFIED 
 PEERS; 
 
 I pity
 
 C 7 J 
 
 1 pity thofe Ladies, fo modeft and nice, 
 
 Who heard all the filthy defcriptions of vice, 
 
 And which, while the SPEAKERS fo lavifhly paint, 
 
 Some Ladies fuppos'd the beft thing was a faint ; 
 
 But even for HASTINGS zfomething I feel, 
 
 Which by chance may be wrong but my heart is not 
 
 fteel; 
 
 For I fee him furrounded, by foes, in his chair, 
 Who attack him like maftiffs that worry a bear ; 
 While he's nothing to do but obferve what they fay, 
 And expend the NET SUM OF THREE HUNDRED A DAY ! 
 
 As for EDMUND, \v\\Qjtckensthe Senate with prate, 
 I have not a doubt but he's crack'd in the pate ; 
 For whether 'tis BEGUMS, or WARS, or the NATION, 
 He's fure to come forth with zftrange botheration, 
 While his fpeech is fo crowded with tropes and allufion, 
 With logic, and metaphor, wit, and confufion ; 
 Is fo gay, and pathetic, or folemnly deep, 
 That his FRIENDS run away, and bis FOES fall ajleep. 
 A fimile oft I've endeavour'd to find 
 For this man, but could never get one to my mind. 
 Yet I think he refembles a nifty conductor 
 That points to the HEAV'NS, but is fx'd to ajlrufture, 
 That hourly contends with the elements' rage, 
 But a flajh of true LIGHTNING gets once in an age. 
 
 G 4 Well,
 
 C 88 ] 
 
 Well, I truft WARREN HASTINGS has worth to defy all 
 The bitter attacks of his foes, at his trial ; 
 That truth and integrity, plac'd in the fcale 
 'Gainft dark perfecution, will ever prevail ; 
 But hold let me ftop what a race have I run, 
 Dear SIMKIN ! another ten words, and I've done* 
 
 I hope very foon you'll fend me a letter, 
 Confirming the news that His MAJESTY'S better ; 
 But the STOCKS will inform me, in fpite of diiguife 
 For they fatt when HE'S worfe, when he mends, why the? 
 
 rife; 
 
 Yet never before was fuch great confirmation 
 Betray 'd, from the dread of a new 'MINISTRATION ; 
 One would think from the general terror, I fwear, 
 That their conduct, and characters, ar'n't very fair* 
 But of this I know nothing, and heedlefs of fcandal, 
 I value plain truth in a TURK, or a VANDAL. 
 
 Sure PITT merits praifes, in profe as in rhime, 
 For the ftand he has made at this critical time ; 
 And of HIM and his PHALANX we proudly may ling, 
 For their guard of the COUNTRY, and care of the KING. 
 Yet (lories by fome fpread abroad of the PRINCE, 
 A fpirit of cruelty rather evince 
 For furely, my BROTHER ! it ne'er could have been, 
 That his HIGHNESS each night at the OP'RA was fecn !
 
 C 8 9 ] 
 
 That he gave himfelf up to the FOLLIES of FASHION', 
 And loft in wild riot the TEARS of COMPASSION : 
 That when thro' the country fwift forrow had run, 
 The FATHER was pitfd by ALL, but the SON ! 
 That dubs, and gay par ties, and mufic, and glee, 
 Were the types of that feeling, none wanted but HE, 
 That by REGENCY cares not a moment opprefs'd, 
 As ufual, he drank, and he fung, and he drefs'd : 
 And mocking propriety, grafp'd at dominion, 
 But fcorn'd^V to fatter the PUBLIC OPINION. 
 
 Such ftories as thefe are the work of the devil, 
 Contriv'd by the bafe, for the purpofe of evil, 
 And far other treatment he ought to have prov'd, 
 As doubtlefs he wept for the PARENT he lov'd, 
 In decent retirement has kept out of fight, 
 And loft in his anguim the tajle of delight ; 
 Has duly confider'd the profpect before him, 
 And taught all the people t'admire and adore him. 
 Dear SIM KIN adieu ! I have nought more to fend 
 But remain your affectionate BROTHER and FRIEND. 
 
 SIMON 
 
 February 23d, 1719. 
 
 [This Letter was by another band.] 
 
 LET-
 
 C 90 J 
 
 LETTER XIX. 
 
 x\T length, my dear BROTHER, with pleafure I tell 
 Yourfelf and my friends, that His MAJESTY'S^/// 
 The MONARCH whofe licknefs his fubj efts deplor'd, 
 By the blejfing of HEAVEN, again is RESTOR'D ! 
 
 your remember, perhaps, that I formerly faid, 
 'Twas fufpeded that EDMUND was touched in the head; 
 Some thought my affertion was matter of fport, 
 But now all the papers confirm the report ; 
 They defcribe him one day full of fpirits and gladnefs, 
 The next like a fpeftre, deje&ed with fadnefs, 
 In the BOOKSELLERS' SHOPS, feeking Books upon 
 
 MADNESS; 
 
 At St. LUKE'S and in BEDLAM infpeding the cells 
 To fee in what comfort INSANITY dwells. 
 
 Till his friends can provide a fit keeper, they fay, 
 He is under the care and tuition of GREY ; 
 Who permits not his patient to join in debate, 
 Without feeling his pulfe, to difcover his STATE. 
 
 So
 
 t 91 ] 
 
 So knowing is GREY, he can tell by the touch, 
 If EDMUND'S in danger of faying too much ; 
 When his vifage grows red, or his pulfe becomes ftrong, 
 GREY knows, if he fpeaks, 'twill beflamingly wrong : 
 One day, when BURKE fpoke, and GREY fail'd to attend 
 
 him, 
 
 To the Tower fome whifper'd a motion to fend him ; 
 But others more tender, lamenting his cafe, 
 Thought BEDLAM by far a more fuitable place. 
 
 You will afk, to what caufe is his malady owing ? 
 In this, like yourfelf, I am very unknowing ; 
 Difcufs'd it has been, but as yet undecided, 
 On this his acquaintance and friends are divided. 
 Some fay, that his fpirits, inflammably hot, 
 Boil and bubble at times like a SOAP-BOILER'S Pot, 
 And that the eruptions which happened of late, 
 Were nothing in fad, but the fleam of his PATE. 
 The DOCTORS, to (hew their deep learning, explain 
 How ideas by friction may wear out the brain; 
 And compare the infide of the Orator's lead 
 To an old woman's carding cloth worn to a thread. 
 The METHODISTS fay, that his confcience is ftung 
 By his conduct political, when he was young ; 
 But others will have it to this very hour, 
 He would ruin the kingdom, if 'twas in his power. 
 
 The
 
 C 9* 3 
 
 The CLERGY believe his diforder a fign, 
 
 Of jujl retribution, and vengeance divine ; 
 
 But the major part think, his finances disjointed, 
 
 His ambition all humbled, his hopes difappointed, 
 
 Have occafion'd a fever malignant, and thence 
 
 They account for the frequent PRIVATIONS of fenfe\ 
 
 But if it be true, that the MONARCH'S neglect 
 
 Of merit, can caufe fuch a difmal effect ; 
 
 Were it certain, a lucrative office would cure him, 
 
 And enable the COMMONS again to endure him ; 
 
 We all mould folicit hisMAjEsTY's^ra*, 
 
 And if poffible, get him a PAYMASTER'S/^^. 
 
 But when you reflect on the wonderful change 
 In political profpecls, you'll not think it ftrange, 
 That BURKE mould go out of his mind, or perhaps, 
 If you hear by next poft of CHARLES Fox's relapfe, 
 Or of SHERIDAN'S creditors owning their throats, 
 Having touch'd upon fome mojl unmujical NOTES. 
 
 [This SHERIDAN, Brother, obferve, is the fame, 
 Who aflumes in the papers JOE SURFACE'S name ; 
 This laft to adopt is henceforth my intention, 
 Juft honour to do to the author's invention ; 
 HE himfelf gave the name, and the character drew 
 As he look'din his glafs So the LIKENESS is true.'] 
 
 2 To
 
 C 93 3 
 
 To return tils TRIUMVIRATE, fcarce a week fmce, 
 Were coming in Minifters under the PRINCE, 
 And there can be no doubt but the general voice 
 Had loudly applauded His HIGHNESS'S choice; 
 For who like JOE SURFACE is fkill'd in finance ? 
 Or can equal CHARLES Fox in the doftrine of CHANCE ? 
 Lefs judgement it needs in this critical age, 
 To govern a KINGDOM, than manage a STAGE. 
 
 That invention is ever the daughter of need, 
 Is one of thofe truths in which all are agreed ; 
 And thofe who beheld the moft difficult fcenes, 
 Have quickeft conceptions of WAYS and of MEANS ; 
 What exhauftlefs refources that genius difplays, 
 Who neither the intereft nor principal pays ! 
 Who even additional credit can get, 
 From ^INFINITUM increafmg his debt \ 
 
 Now, fince to the Nation her debts are diftrefiing, 
 Such MINISTERS mufl be a NATIONAL blejfing : 
 And BURKE, when in humour and office, was fit 
 To amufe the young members with fallies of wit ; 
 With fome funny {lory a laugh to create, 
 And divert their attention from matters of ftate. 
 Indeed I muft think, tho' I dare not aver, 
 ROYAL WISDOM in fome points is fubjedl to err, 
 
 For
 
 C 94 3 
 
 For no men of judgement would e'er have expe&ed, 
 That talents fo ufeful mould be fo negleded. 
 Howe'er, as the KING is reftor'd. to his health, 
 They muft bid adieu to HOPE, HONOUR, and WEALTH. 
 Their dreams of AMBITION delufive are fled, 
 For the Minifter's yet not OFFICIALLY dtad\ 
 PITT falfifies JOSEPH'S prophetic exprejfion, 
 Concerning his " laft dying fpeech and confeflion." 
 The TRIUMVIRATE now may go feparate ways 
 JOE SURFACE again to the writing of Plays; 
 CHARLES Fox on the Continent finilh his ramble, 
 Or teach \heyoung PRINCES at BROOKES'S to gamble; 
 And BURKE, if he ever recovers his fenfes, 
 May harangue to the LORDS, when the TRIAL com- 
 mences. 
 
 SIMKIN, 
 
 P. S. The LORDS and the COMMONS of IRELAND 
 
 have fent 
 
 COMMISSIONERS here, an addrefs to prefent, 
 To make the PRINCE Regent, which now, to be fore, 
 Proves rather precipitate and premature ; 
 This, however, affords little matter for wonder, 
 As the IRISH have Leave by prefcription to BLUNDER. 
 
 March loth, 1789, 
 
 LETTER
 
 C 95 ] 
 
 LETTER XX. 
 
 JL OU tell me, dear SIMON, the lads of the leek 
 Expert me to fend them a letter a week : 
 The tafk is too hard, but I would not refufe 'em, 
 Could I find out new matter enough to amufe 'em ; 
 At prefent, I take up the pen to relate, 
 What is faid to have paft at a whiggijh debate : 
 When the WHIGS were inform'd, 'twas His MAJESTY'S 
 
 will, 
 
 A flop mould be put to the Regency Bill, 
 The concern, which they felt at not getting their places 9 
 Was meafur'd exact by the length of their faces : 
 One day and one night they devoted toforrow, 
 And a council was held at his GRACE'S the morrow. 
 
 DIALOGUE. 
 
 DUKE. " Well this to be fure is exceedingly hard; 
 " Why, CHARLES, did you play that unfor- 
 
 " tunate card ? 
 " Had you never brought forward that Claim for 
 
 11 the PRINCE, 
 
 " We had all been in office thefe many weeks Jtnce. 
 
 BURKE.
 
 C 96 3 
 
 BURKE. " With your GRACE in opinion, I fully agree, 
 " This comes from his not being guided byme-, 
 " 'Tis feldom or never that CHARLES conde- 
 
 " fcends, 
 
 " In making a fpeech to confuk with his friends." 
 " To be guided by you" (/aid CHARLES Fox 
 
 with afneer) 
 (C By old Counfellor BURKE, pray, my LORD, 
 
 " did you hear ?" 
 BURKE. " Yes, guided by me, and I boldly aver, 
 
 " When you aft from yourfelf, you do nothing 
 
 " but err." 
 
 (Fox f fteering again ) C( I can make no defence, 
 " But muft bow to your honour's oracular fenfe." 
 BURKE felt from the manner in which CHAR- 
 LEY fpoke, 
 
 The keen edge of this cutting, ironical joke : 
 He fir'd in a moment^ th' explofion was louder, 
 Than a mine when the match is applied to the 
 
 powder. 
 " Perdition and death ! have I liv'd to thefe 
 
 " years 
 
 <l Tobe flouted andhuff'd by unmannerly jeers ? 
 " Can a man of my dignity ever fubmit, 
 " To be treated withy?0r, or infuked with wit &
 
 [ 97 ] 
 
 " You know very well, that if EDMUND withdraws 
 " His aid and fupport, there's an end of your 
 
 " caufe : 
 " His aid from the Greeks, when ACHILLES 
 
 " withdrew, 
 
 ' ( Remember how HECTOR their armies o'erthrew, 
 " What numbers he captiv'd, what thoufandshe 
 
 " flew. 
 
 " Were the party of my reputation bereft, 
 " There would not be a rag of good character left. 
 " By the public what right has thefon to be trujled, 
 " Whofe father's accounts are as yet unadjufted? 
 " Who poflefs'd of large property, threw it away, 
 " Upon women and wine, or difpers'd it by play : 
 " From the party fhou'd I, like ACHILLES fecede, 
 " They would be contemptible wretches indeed." 
 JOE SURFACE, lefs patient than CHARLES, or the 
 
 DUKE, 
 
 Was flung to the quick by this pointed rebuke ; 
 He began in a manner farcaftic and taunting, 
 " A truce, Mr. BURKE, with Thrafonical vaunting; 
 tf Why fing your own praife, when we own there 
 
 " was never 
 
 ' ' A hero more bold, or a ftatefman fo clever. 
 Ci We feel ourfelves honour'd by EDMUND'S con- 
 
 " neclion, 
 
 li And in fafety fight under his friendly protection. 
 H Thro'
 
 L 98 3 
 
 '* Thro' him we have purchas'd immenfe reputations, 
 
 " By pleading the caufe of unquerulous nations, 
 
 tf Of DOWAGER BEGUMS that never complained 
 
 " Of Hardfhips and cruelties never fuftain } d. 
 
 " How highly the people applaud us for (hewing 
 
 " Our zeal, to affect a late GOVERNOR'S ruin, 
 
 " To whom, as all parties unite in confeflion, 
 
 " BRITAIN owes at this day all her Eaftern poffejfion ; 
 
 " With gratitude mov'd, they admire our depriving 
 
 " That man offubfiftance, by whom they are thriving ; 
 
 " Popularity, credit, and fame we obtain, 
 
 " From the deeds of ACHILLES this prefent campaign. 
 
 " How gen' rous > how bold, how heroic a thing, 
 
 " 'Tis to treat with contempt an unfortunate King ! 
 
 " In terms of reproach, and in language diiloyal, 
 
 " To animadvert on the malady royal :" 
 
 In this manner farcaftical JOS-EPH was mowing, 
 
 What vajl obligations to EDMUND are vwing : 
 
 When EDMUND thus anfwer'd " This language 
 
 " from JOE, 
 
 44 Makes good what I prophefy'd fome months ago ; 
 " I fa\v as in favour he grew with his Highnefs, 
 " He treated his friends with fatirical drynefs. 
 (( And now the ungrateful is rais'd to the top, 
 " He thinks he's no longer in need of a prop, 
 " But Itruft I JJoall foon fee him fuddenly drop. 
 
 "I'll
 
 C 99 1 
 
 " I'll leave oppofition, this day, I allure ye, 
 " I'll refign you a prey to the Minifter's fury. 
 " When PITT is no longer in dread of my thunder, 
 " What hero can keep his audacity under." 
 JOE. <f You may go when you pleafe, we can do well 
 
 (( without you, 
 
 " Not one of the party cares Jixpence about you " 
 Then COURTENAY obferving, the ftorm that was 
 
 brewing, 
 
 Unlefs guarded againft, muft involve them in ruin. 
 Thus fpoke <c 'Tis with infinite forrow I fee, 
 " That the heads of a party can thus difagree. 
 " When I think of the Orator's tergiverfation, 
 " And leaving us all in a perilous ftation, 
 " My arteries fuffer a ftrong palpitation." 
 But now as the heroes were cutting and fooling, 
 A fervant announc'd that the dinner was cooling ; 
 The agreeable news put an end to debating, 
 And like HOMER'S heroes they all fell to eating. 
 The Port and the Claret went merrily round, 
 And difcord itfelf in a bumper was drown'd. 
 
 March 2 8th, 1789. 
 
 1 
 
 H 2 LET-
 
 [ 100 ] 
 
 LETTER XXI. 
 
 1 TOLD you, dear BROTHER, a month or two back, 
 
 That BURKE was preparing another attack. 
 
 After fixing, unfixing, refixing die day, 
 
 The LORDS have at length put an end to delay, 
 
 So EDMUND came forward attended by GREY. 
 
 You have frequently heard, that with men of the FIST, 
 
 BOTTLE-HOLDERS, like SECONDS, make part of the lift* 
 
 And thence the new fafhion, 'tis probable, fprung 
 
 To appoint BOTTLE-HOLDERS to men of the TONGUE : 
 
 So EDMUND, intending to batter the ears 
 
 Of the CHANCELLOR, JUDGES, and dignify d PEERS, 
 
 Has his bottle-man alfo, and frequently fips, 
 
 To warn out his mouth, and to moiften his lips. 
 
 Thus EDMUND began " We are come from a place 
 " Where we heard a great deal about MERCY and 
 
 " GRACE; 
 
 te About thanking the LORD for reftoring the KING, 
 " Which moft people think a defirable thing ; 
 " But, my LORDS, the beft praife we can offer to GOD. 
 " Is freely to exercife JUSTICE'S Rod : 
 
 " Sonic
 
 [ 101 ] 
 
 " Some impertinent men, in another place, aik 
 
 " In how many years more we fhall finifh our tafk ? 
 
 ({ My anfwer is fhort that I cannot pretend 
 
 " To form an idea of when it will end. 
 
 " When the purpofe for which it was firft undertaken 
 
 <( Is anfwer'd, 'tis likely it may be forfaken. 
 
 " But I cannot conceive that the duty is hard, 
 
 " Since labour for labour is ample reward. 
 
 " If much of the feffions already is fpent, 
 " It arofe from a late mod afflictive event. 
 " What with mourning, rejoicing) thankfgiving and preach- 
 
 " ing, 
 
 " We have not had time to proceed with IMPEACHING ; 
 " But I truft that botb HOUSES will now be at leifure 
 " To hear me go on, and I'll do it with pleafure. 
 
 " The ftory, my LORDS, which I now have to tell, 
 " 'Tis probable may not be relifh'd fo well. 
 ' No BEGUM of fierce violation complains; 
 " No RAJAH groans under the weight of his chains; 
 " And forry I am, that I cannot regale 
 " Your ears with a RAPE, or fame delicate tale. 
 " 'Tis but feldom indeed, in thefe liberal times, 
 " Opportunity ferves of committing fuck crimes. 
 
 H 3 " But
 
 [ 102 ] 
 
 " But before I the fubtle diftinction defcribe 
 
 ce Between PEESHCUSH, andNEZER, and RISHWET, 
 
 " a bribe, 
 " You muft know that the people whofe caufe we are 
 
 " pleading, 
 
 " Have tranfmitted PETITIONS toftay our proceeding : 
 " They roundly aflert, that THEY neve r fujlain 'd 
 <c Thofe cruel diftrejfis of which WE complain d. 
 " The petitions, I grant, are authentic and true ; 
 " But, my LORDS, what is THAT to the COMMONS, or 
 
 " You? 
 
 " It can't fave the PRISONER, I venture to fay, 
 " Since all muft allow WE know better than THEY ; 
 " And like the OLD BAILEY, in this cafe, I hope, 
 " Good character clearly PRESAGES a rope." 
 
 Juft here, BURKE was feiz'd with a drought on his lip, 
 So he juft faid, " My LORDS," and repeated his fip 
 " The Pris'ner, my LORDS, while he fill'd that high 
 
 " ftation, 
 
 <( Was the fource of corruption and bale peculation ; 
 ' All kinds of corruption were of his contrivance, 
 " Or fupported at leaft by his purchas'd connivance: 
 " For when the DEW ANN Y, my Lords, was withdrawn, 
 " From the NABOB'S inftructor, MAHMED REZA 
 " CAWN, 
 
 " Not
 
 C 103 ] 
 
 " Not a man could be met with fo virtuous and juft, 
 
 " As to fill that important refpectable truft : 
 
 <e Not a man could be met with diffidently wile : 
 
 " Then to whom do you think he directed his eyes ? 
 
 " To a female, my LORDS, the DEWANNY he gave, 
 
 " To a dancing girl truly, that fprung from a (lave. 
 
 " I do not allude to thofe elegant dances 
 
 <e Whereby a fair lady her beauty enhances ; 
 
 <c But to that kind of dancing which young men admire, 
 
 " In Ladies that fkip it and dance it for hire. 
 
 " MUNNY BEGUM, the object of HASTINGS' election, 
 
 " Sole Regent was made, without any reftriftion. 
 
 t( No reftrittions, my LORDS ! (he was perfectly free, 
 
 <s As Regents, I think, fiould in general be. 
 
 " But the powers of Regent alone would not do, 
 
 <f He made her ARCHBISHOP, and CHANCELLOR too. 
 
 " The NABOB'S dear per fon, his army and treafure, 
 
 f< Were all at this BEGUM'S, the dancing girl's pleafure. 
 
 " And here let me aik, can your LORDSHIPS fuppofe 
 
 " That he was not paid for it under the rofe ? 
 
 " Was it likely that HASTINGS thefe offices gave her 
 
 " Without fame return from the PRINCESS'S/^-ZW ? 
 
 " And we could eftablifli againft him, with eafe, 
 
 " Three hundred and fifty odd tboufand RUPEES, 
 
 " If the man who infortn'd us that HASTINGS was fee'd, 
 
 " Had not died on the gallows, for forging a deed. 
 
 H 4 " The
 
 [ io 4 ] 
 
 " The counfel may urge, that no credit is due 
 " To a wretch that was bang'd that it cannot be t^uc. 
 " But let them beware how on this they infift, 
 " Left I add a new charge to the criminallift 
 " That HASTINGS and IMPEY concerted a plan, 
 " To MURDER a noble, an innocent man. 
 " Suppofe that fome fcandalous fellow mould fay, 
 " An ARCHBISHOP in robes had robb'don the Highway, 
 " Or a CHANC'LOR been publicly guilty of plunder, 
 {e We all mould receive it as matter of wonder ? 
 " But whenever we hear of an Eaftern NABOB, 
 " We annex the idea of plunder and job. 
 " We prefume on his guilt from this circumftance ftrong, 
 e And 'tis not in nature that WE mould be wrong : 
 " The PRIS'NER'S vaft ftomach, your LORDSHIPS will 
 
 " find, 
 
 " Occafion'd a. famine, wherever he din'd ; 
 " And, indeed, it is wonderful how he could eat 
 " Up two hundred pounds, at a Jingle dafs treat ! 
 " MUNNY BEGUM, who fed him, would frequently fay, 
 " It cod her two hundred pound flerling a day. 
 " HASTINGS eat in three months what was meant to fup- 
 
 " port 
 
 A hundred black Peers at the PRINCESS'S court ; 
 " And whilll &\s ftrange glutton was lavimly fed, 
 ff A hundred old nobles were ftarving for bread. 
 
 " Like
 
 [ io 5 3 
 
 " Like a vulture he fnatches the food from the grave, 
 " Nor preys EAGL -/;'?, on the living and brave. 
 (( Ye PRELATES and BISHOPS, fuppofe if yon pleafe, 
 " An intruder mould lick up the fat of your SEES ; 
 " Or fuppofe that a man without any pretenfion, 
 " Should devour at a meal any nobleman* spenfion /" 
 
 As EDMUND was earneftly putting thefe cafes, 
 It fomewhat affected their reverend faces. 
 Howe'er, BURKE went on with his pleafant oration, 
 Till, as nfual, he ftopp'd to repeat his potation. 
 Whene'er he grew dry, to his DOCTOR he beckon'd, 
 Who aded this day BOTTLE-HOLDER and SECOND. 
 When his patient was tir'd, GREY would read us a letter a 
 By way of amufement, till EDMUND was better. 
 Thus being alternately BUTLER and Reader, 
 Four hours he fupported his eloquent leader. 
 
 But to finim the fubjed When EDMUND had rail'd 
 Four hours againft HASTINGS, his energy fail'd ; 
 And in fpite of his bottle 9 and frequently drinking, 
 He found that his ftrength and his fpirits were linking ; 
 But indeed I mud own, he pofleffes more vigour 
 Than one could expect from his manner and figure : 
 At length quite exhaufted, the LORDS he addrefs'd, 
 On the MANAGER'S part, with an humble requeft, 
 
 That
 
 C o ] 
 
 That they would be pleas'd, for that day to adjourn, 
 To give time for his fpirits and ftrength to return. 
 I hope you will like this epiftle, dear BROTHER, 
 And if EDMUND finds matter, I'll fend you another. 
 
 S I M K I N, 
 
 April f|th, 1790. 
 
 L E T-
 
 LETTER XXII. 
 
 -L/AST WE'NSDAY, DEAR BROTHER, I went to the 
 
 COURT, 
 
 Expecting from BURKE a renewal offport-, 
 Where, like others, I found myfelf much difappointed 
 By the Orator's faculties being disjointed. 
 The caufe of his illnefs I wanted to find, 
 And heard many whimfical reafons afiign'd : 
 Some faid the difeafe was increas'd in his head ; 
 Some faid he was drunk, and lay ftretch'd on his bed ; 
 Some thought he was feiz'd with a fit of the vapours, 
 At fomething that morning in one of the papers 
 That a certain GREAT PERSONAGE meant to infill 
 On expunging his name from the COUNCILLORS' LIST. 
 
 Being thus difappointed, I haften'd away 
 To ST. STEPHEN'S, to hear what the COMMONERS fay : 
 There I found MAJOR SCOTT, by Petition, was trying 
 To reftrain able Speakers from wilfully lying ; 
 But I hope, that by Parliament privilege pleading, 
 They'll hinder this lover of truth from fucceeding ; 
 
 For
 
 For if BURKE'S not allow'd to fay more than is true, 
 He'll furnifh no matter for writing to yon, 
 And I muft, of neceffity, bid you adieu. 
 
 When EDMUND recovered, the PAPERS gave warning 
 Of his fpeaking again the next Saturday morning ; 
 So I went to the Hall, and refum'dmy oldftation, 
 Expelling another moft brilliant Oration 
 But, alas ! my dear Brother, you muft not accufe 
 ME of Dullnsfs this day, if I fail to amufe : 
 For BURKE, tho* he fpoke for three hours, or more, 
 Only traversed the ground be had traversed BEFORE. 
 His language was beautiful^ vaftly fublime, 
 And I wifti I cotild do it Jirifl juftice in rhyme : 
 He drew a ftrange pidure of HASTINGS'S diet ; 
 Of his feaft on difgrace, of his infamy-riot. 
 In Corruption, the Pris'ner's delight is to lie, 
 And " in excrement wallow, like pigs in ajlye" 
 (( To your LORDSHIPS already it muft have appear 'd, 
 " With Corruption the Pris'ner's all over befmear'd ; 
 " With Corruption this HASTINGS is cover'd fo thick, 
 " When I fee him, my ftomach turns fuddenly fick : 
 " The difeafe of Corruption has been fo neglected, 
 " The COMPANY'S Settlements all are infected ; 
 " Not HASTINGS alone is corrupted, but all 
 " JVko breath the PESTIFEROUS AIR of BENGAL ! 
 
 " Yet
 
 [ I0 9 3 
 
 " Yet tho' 'tis fo bad, that I cannot endure it, 
 
 " I fear 'tis impoflible ever to cure it. 
 
 " We have no dire ft proof of Corruption, 'tis true, 
 
 C( But in failure of that, Jlrong prefumptlon will do. 
 
 " Corrupted he was by the Dancing Girl's treat, 
 
 " And you can't have forgotten the dinners he eat. 
 
 " Two hundred pounds Jlerling, this gluttonous finner 
 
 * ( Three months unremittedly eat at a dinner ; 
 
 <f But the thing at which I am fo highly offended, 
 
 " Js the manner wherein the large fum was expended ; 
 
 " No part was expended on mufic or finging, 
 
 " On Dancing Girls, Illuminations, or Ringing : 
 
 "No friend ever tailed the milk or the honey, 
 
 " 'Twas a feajl of corruption, a FLOW OF DRY MONEY, 
 
 " To adefert, a jungle this TYGER withdrew, 
 
 " To prey on this victim his avarice flew. 
 
 " But, my LORDS, if this circumftance is not enough, 
 " I'll give you another to ftrengthen the proof: 
 " When his much honoured Colleagues in Adminiftration 
 (( Accus'd him of bribery, and peculation, 
 " Their Prefident would not fubmit to his trial, 
 " Nor confeffion of guilt would he make, nor denial ; 
 " Inftead of expofing himfelf to conviction, 
 " He difputed their power, and ufurp'd jurifdiclion." 
 
 Here
 
 Here EDMUND a number of reafons aflign'd, 
 Why HASTINGS the Honour of Trial declin'd; 
 Why has yet the DIRECTORS no anfsver had got, 
 Whether NUNDCOMAR'S Stories were founded, or not. 
 
 (Here 'twas whifper'd, that EDMUND to ftate had 
 
 omitted, 
 
 That HASTINGS conceiv'd himfelf fully acquitted ; 
 For to NORTH, or Directors, if doubt had appear'd, 
 By one Queftion alone, every doubt had been clear'd 
 No fcruples remain'd, for his frequent Election, 
 By Minifter, Parliament, and the Direction, 
 Proclaim'd to the World their united opinion, 
 That HASTINGS deferv'd, and was fit for Dominion.) 
 
 Now EDMUND, more loudly returns to his cry, 
 Of " Prefumption, Conviction, and HOG in a STYE." 
 Not a man ever went to that infamous place, 
 But is deeply involved in this Culprit's difgrace, 
 All, all His Accomplices, wicked and bafe. 
 I do not, however, laid EDMUND, intend 
 To include PHILIP FRANCIS, my worthy, DEAR Friend, 
 Nor his hone ft Aflociates ; but barring thefe Three, 
 They are all KNAVES or ROGUES, in the higheft degree. 
 And indeed, my dear Brother, you cannot but think, 
 That fo much Corruption muft horribly Jl ink -, 
 
 And
 
 [ in 3 
 
 And believe me, I fmell it whenever I meet 
 An Indian NABOB, as I travel the ftreet. 
 The Nobles, I truft, will this Seafonrecal 
 Their Relations and SONS, from contagious BENGAL ; 
 What a horrible thing, if fuch bafe peculation, 
 Were imported from thence to an innocent Nation ! 
 
 Three hours and a half on this fubject alone 
 The wit of the Speaker refplendently fhone . 
 He refembl'd a Colt, in his circular lunging, 
 Now walking, now trotting, then kicking and plunging f 
 In like manner did BURKE run his circular Race 
 Two days, without changing or Jbifting his place : 
 <f 'Tis an excellent Pad ! as your Horfe-Dealers fay, 
 *' That can paceo a Trencher the length of a day." 
 If this can a merit in ORATORS be, 
 'Tis BURKE'S, all allow, in exalted degree : 
 On PRESUMPTION, CORRUPTION, the changes he rung, 
 Till at laft it exhauited, and wearied his tongue. 
 He faid he had more than half open' d his Charge ; 
 That his Friends would hereafter explain and enlarge. 
 With this declaration their Lordfliips were (truck, 
 And thought themfelves born to exceeding good luck, 
 That THEY mould be Peers in fuch turbulent times, 
 Of enormous long Speeches, IMPEACHMENTS, and 
 CRIMES ; 
 
 When
 
 When Speakers, like Bruifers, make trial of ftrength, 
 And the WORTH of Oration depends on THEIR LENGTH. 
 
 'Tis reported, dear Brother, that fome of the Peers, 
 Who think they can't live a vaft number of years, 
 Direct that THEIR SONS mould the Trial attend, 
 That their Titles and that may together defcend. 
 
 I obferv'd, that though EDMUND was frequently dry, 
 No Bottle appear' d but I cannot tell why. 
 I took notice of fomething more ftrikingly ftrange, 
 To HIS CORPS, his behaviour has fuffer'd a change : 
 His Language this day was more gentle and mild, 
 And he fpoke like a Father addreffing his Child ; 
 But before, when he fpoke to his humble adjutors, 
 'Twas the ftyle and the manner of Uflxrs and Tutors. 
 As he nnifh'd, it ftruck me, Fox fhrugg'd up a moulder, 
 And GREY fhew'd his teeth, on being call'd BOTTLE- 
 HOLDER. 
 
 April 3oth, 1789. 
 
 LET-
 
 C "3 ] 
 
 LETTER XXIII. 
 
 JL OU remember laft feafon, that JOSEPH foretold, 
 With a fpirit prophetic, that EDMUND the bold 
 Would one day or other th'lMPEACHMENT condemn, 
 And declare to the COMMONS 'twas owing to them ; 
 That he ever was HASTINGS' friend in his heart , 
 Though compelled to accept of a Manager's part. 
 I thought fuch a chnnge could not poflibly be 
 JOSEPH knew him, however, much better than me; 
 It feems, that they fwindled him into the taking 
 O a part, which he is on the verge of forfakirig. 
 But I cannot conceive at what people are aiming, 
 By the prefent circuitous mode of difclaiming. 
 
 I faidinmy laft, that the MAJOR was trying 
 By Petition, to lay an embargo, on Lying ; 
 This was owing, I find, to the Orator's quoting 
 Some Articles not of the Commoners' voting ; 
 Mifdemeanors they voted, but EDMUND went further, 
 And in two or three inftances charg'd him with Mur- 
 
 " ther ? 
 
 So HASTINGS the Houfe has addrefs'd by Petition, 
 To know whether THEY authorife, the addition f 
 
 I This
 
 C "4 ] 
 
 This occafion'd lad Monday a curious Debate 
 In a hajlyjhortjketch, all the points I'll relate. 
 When EDMUND heard PITT and fome members confefs, 
 That HASTINGS'S Cafe call'd aloud for redrefs, 
 And SCOT pledged his word, that the Orator knew 
 At the moment he fpoke, that the Charge was untrue ; 
 His feelings, long callous, now fenfibly flung, 
 In a moment unbridled his virulent tongue. 
 
 " Indeed, Mr. SPEAKER, 'tis vaftly abfurd, 
 " To expect me to anfwer/Jr every word 
 (f When an Orator's Speeches are rapidly flowing, 
 *' He often muft fpeak, without thinking or knowing -, 
 fc Do you think, in the hurry of cutting and flaying, 
 " That we can find leifure, for gauging and weighing ; 
 " Or pray, are the Managers here to be treated, 
 " Like Shy lock, whom Portia fo knavimly cheated ? 
 C Or can a Diflector fo able be found, 
 te As to cut human flefh, to exaftly a pound, ; 
 " To cut juft a pound, and there inftantly flop, 
 " Without drawing blood, without fpilling a drop ? 
 " If that be your meaning, I freely proteft," 
 (At that moment applying his hand to his breaft) 
 ff Tismore than a Catholic Chrijlian can do 
 " (Then pointing to CHARLEY) or even a Jew. 
 
 i " And
 
 C "5 3 
 
 " And juft as the Criminal felt himfelf pinch'd 
 
 " You might have complain'd, had, the Managers jlinch'd; 
 
 (( Had they fuffer'd a caufe fo important to drop, 
 
 " Or fall on their heads for the want of a prop. 
 
 " Let them point out the time, if we have been remifs 
 
 " Did we fpare him in that? Did we fcreen him in this ? 
 
 " No, Sir, where the Caufe was deficient in ilrength, 
 
 " Our Speeches have amply fupply'd it by length. 
 
 " But, Sir, 'tis my with to be fully inftructed, 
 
 " In the mode that this Trial mould now be conduct- 
 
 " ed: 
 
 " If when we perceive our own evidence jailing, 
 " Are we not to fupport it, byjlorming and railing ! 
 (( NUNDCOMAR'S Accufation muft certainly fink, 
 " Unlefs we prevail on their LORDSHIPS to think, 
 " That he of his life was unjuftly deprived, 
 " And that HASTINGS and IMPEY the Murder con- 
 
 " triv^d 
 
 " But, Sir, if the COMMONS think fit to deny, 
 " Or give Amplification the name of a Lye ; 
 " If the MANAGERS* conduct the HOUSE mould con- 
 
 " demn, 
 
 " I can prove all I utter' d, proceeded from THEM; 
 " As they heard my Oration, and let me proceed, 
 " They not only approv'd, but committed the deed. 
 
 I 2 J Tis
 
 r us ] 
 
 tf 'Tis the COMMONS of ENGLAND, the People at large, 
 *' Who HASTINGS and IMPEY as Murderers charge ; 
 " When they forc'd me to take the Chief Manager's part, 
 " (An Office I always diilik'd in my heart) 
 " When they coax'd me, and fwindled me into this. 
 
 " fcrape, 
 
 " (Wliere they leave me alone, that themfelves may efcape) 
 <e 'Tis certain that they, whether waking or fleeping, 
 " Their conferences left to the Managers' keeping 
 " Mr. SPEAKER, I fay 'tis a terrible cafe, 
 " If I am to be try'd, and expos'd to difgrace, 
 " And (land in my turn in the Criminal's place. 
 " Thofe who fit in this Houfe, and my perfon behold, 
 " Muft fenfibly feel that I'm rather too old : 
 " That life is already too far in advance, 
 " For me now to join in the ludicrous dance : 
 " My legs and my heels not fufficiently light, 
 " Befides I'm too aged to turn to the right. 
 11 Shall I, the firjl figure that's feen in the groupe, 
 " Who with dignify'dj?<?/> have conducted the troop 
 " Shall I lay of a ftidden thefe honours afide 
 " For exceeding my duty fubmit to be try'd > 
 " No, no to myfelf I will ever be juft, 
 ' ( Though the Houfe fhould think fit to deprive me of 
 
 " truft : 
 
 " And,
 
 C "7 ] 
 
 " And, indeed, 'tis a favour I now have to afk, 
 " To be kindly reliev'dfrom a difficult taik ; 
 <{ But if I'm to finim the work I've begun, 
 " And allow'd to proceed as I've hitherto done, 
 " You mall never complain that I'm idle or flack, 
 e( Or in any way backward to lead the attack ; 
 <f You mall foon fee the Criminal bare to the bone, 
 " While I tear off hisfejh by thcfod, or the/ow. 
 ff But if on the other hand I am difgrac'd 
 " In the eyes of all Europe, by being difplac'd, 
 (f Poflerity's praife mall compenfate the wrong, 
 " I have fuffer'd from thofe who have known me too 
 " long." 
 
 But, alas! my dear SIMON, in fpite of this pleading, 
 The Commons approv'd not of EDMUND'S proceeding, 
 And therefore they voted, t'appoint him a day, 
 As perhaps he might have fomething farther to fay ; 
 But EDMUND conceiv'd it was groflly mif-fpending 
 His time and his words, to go on with defending, 
 So he fent them a Letter, inftead of attending, 
 On HASTINGS and Friends 'twas extremely fatyric ; 
 On Himfelf and his Party, a high Panegyric : 
 But MONTAGUE, when he had done with the Letter, 
 An Eulogy made that was ftronger and better. 
 He enlarg'd on thofe talents which EDMUND has got, 
 Apd dgfcrib'd many virtues fome fay, be has not. 
 
 I 3 Th'
 
 L "3 J 
 
 Th* Encomia ft concluded his friendly Oration 
 With pronouncing aloud, afale Latin Quotation : 
 ThatBuRKE's Underftanding, tranfcendently fine, 
 Grafps all that is Human, and all that's Divine ! 
 
 Youmuft know, my dear BROTHER, a notion prevails, 
 That SIMKIN is not a true Native of Wales. 
 That SIMKIN and SIMON are old fafhion'd Names, 
 That never a Tajfyland Gentleman claims ; 
 But mofc people think that my Letters are writ 
 By a DUCHESS of SCOTLAND, renown'd for her wit, 
 And zeal for the Adminijlration of PITT. 
 
 The queflion CADWALLADER wants to propofe, 
 " Is JOSEPH or BURKE the beft Poet in Profe ?" 
 The next time I attend at the Wejlminjler Forum, 
 It mall be debated Judicibus coram. 
 And indeed the beft Critics are free to confefs, 
 Their Speeches affume a poetical drefs. 
 *Tis thence without trouble or wafte of much time, 
 1 give the contents of their Speeches in rhyme. 
 
 Dear BROTHER, adieu ; but I'll write you again, 
 Tho', as matters now Hand, I can fcarcely fay when. 
 
 May sth, 1789. 
 
 LET-
 
 C "9 ] 
 
 LETTER XXIV. 
 
 A.T length, Brother SIMON, the bufinefs is ended, 
 For which HASTINGS'S Trial was lately fufpended. 
 
 When the LORDS were aflembled, great EDMUND 
 
 came in 
 
 With a countenance woeful, th'effect of chagrii 
 Which put me in mind of the PiRure of SIN, 
 
 grin, > 
 & 
 
 " My Lords, the laft time I appear'd at your bar, 
 " I told you a ftory about NUNDCOMAR. 
 " I faid, he by IMPEY and HASTINGS was hung, 
 " In order to filence his garrulous tongue. 
 " They murder 'd the Man" " was the term that I us'd, 
 <f A term good enough for the Pris'ner accus'd ; 
 " But the COMMONS, my Lords, have beenfuddenly feiz'd 
 " With a Naufea, I find, and are vaftly difpleas^d. 
 *' e Their Conferences tender, can't bear a tranfgreffion 
 " Of TRUTH^-and laft night they difclaim'd the Ex_ 
 
 " preflion. 
 " But, my Lords, notwithftandingthe COMMONS reproved 
 
 " me, 
 
 (e I am proud to declare that they have not remov'dme: 
 T 4 My
 
 [ 120 ] 
 
 " My conftituents, perhaps, may be fomewhat difgufted, 
 
 Yet ftill they believe, I am fit to be trufted. 
 
 " And I foon will convince them by Arguments ftrong, 
 
 (f That their judgement is neither ill-founded nor wrong. 
 
 " Tho' 1 am not permitted to add a new charge, 
 
 " On thofe which I have, I will dwell, and enlarge ; 
 
 (f Tho' 1 lower my ftile, and new-model my didion, 
 
 < e According to this late invented reftridion : 
 
 (f Tho' of Amplification I'm partly bereft, 
 
 " I will make the beft ufe of the little that's left ; 
 
 *< And here by the bye, I've been often complaining, 
 
 fe That the SENATE of late is too fond of retraining ; 
 
 fe Should your Lordjlrips inquire, why the freedom I took, 
 
 " Of dating a fad that was not in the Book ? 
 
 " The reafon is plain, I moft perfedly knew, 
 
 " That HASTINGS would tell you no credit was due 
 
 " To the bare ipfe dlxlt of one who. was try'd, 
 
 <f And for FORGING a Paper with infamy dyd y 
 
 f< I call'd it a Murder., but 'twas at a time, 
 
 " When I wanted a WORD to diftinguim the crime; 
 
 l( Our language is poor, and our words are fo few, "J 
 
 i f Their meaning fo weak, that they never can do 
 
 " For HASTINGS'S crimes, fo atrocious and new. 
 
 " I wanted a word juft diftindtion to draw, 
 
 < Betwixt moral Murder 3 and Murder by Law : 
 
 ' Tis
 
 [ 121 ] 
 
 cc 'Tis a. fort of a murder, that's no where defin'd, 
 
 *' Tho' I've got the idea fomewhere in my mind : 
 
 " But, my Lords, it behoves me to make Tome excufe, 
 
 " For the prefent apology long and difFufe," 
 
 (Here he gave us a fpice of his annular fpeaking, 
 
 And apologies made, for apology making !) 
 
 <( But as foon as the final apology ended, 
 
 (f And his conduct approved by himfelf and defended, 
 
 <( He obferv'd to the LORDS, he had told them before, 
 
 " The Charge was half open'd, or probably more : 
 
 <( That only two days were employed in revealing, 
 
 c * WhatHAsxiNGS hadfpent many years in concealing * 
 
 " But no longer to build on the grounds of Sufpicion, 
 
 11 I now mail make ufe of the Prifoner's admiffion : 
 
 " In Seventeen Hundred and Seventy-three, 
 
 tf The KING and his PARLIAMENT made a decree 
 
 " 'Gainft the Company's fervants accepting a Fee ; 
 
 " That whoever took money, the fame muft produce, 
 
 " And give it all up for the COMPANY'S ufe. 
 
 <f This claufe by the Pris'ner was fo underftood, 
 
 " As to let him take bribes for the Company's good. 
 
 " Imprefs'd with this notion, it feems that his coffers 
 
 " At all times were open to liberal offers/' 
 
 Here EDMUND with infinite humour defcribes, 
 A new Court of EXCHEQUER for taking in Bribes, 
 
 i Where
 
 [ I" ] 
 
 Where FRAUD the high office of Treafurer took, 
 
 And OBLIVION kept the Remembrancer 's Book; 
 
 EXTORTION arTefs'd the refpective amounts, 
 
 And CONFUSION, the Auditor, pafs'd the accounts : 
 
 His agents were vile Banyans and Gentoos, 
 
 A fpecies, indeed, of black Brokers and Jews. 
 
 Now EDMUND cafts up all the feveral fums, 
 
 By Units, Tens, Hundreds, by Thoufands and Plums. 
 
 " The Prifoner, my Lords, has been put to his fhifts, 
 
 " With refpedt to concealing thefe prefents and gifts, 
 
 " Of FORGERY I would accufe him with pleafure, 
 
 " Were Ifure that the COMMONS would fanttion the mea- 
 
 " fure; 
 
 lt But they are fofcrttpulous, nice, and exaft, 
 " That they want to confine me to MATTER of FACT 
 " But I truft, I (hall not be, as formerly treated, 
 '* If I only aflert that the Criminal CHEATED 
 " Gave infalfe accouuts, and his Letters mifdated, 
 " His accounts and his Letters were form'd to beguile, 
 " His accounts are Pindaric in matter and Itile ; 
 *' His Letters are Oyxmel (nafty) of Squills, 
 " They are purges, emetics, and boxes of Pills. 
 Thefe Letters were highly offenfive indeed, 
 For EDMUND himfelf was unable to read ; 
 So TAYLOR, whofe ftomach is not foon affecT:ed, 
 Read over thefe Letters, as EDMUND directed. 
 
 The 
 
 eated, \ 
 ED; I 
 
 lifdated. j
 
 [ 3 3 
 
 The Orator now Virg'm-modejly (hocks, 
 
 By imputing to HASTINGS the 'Tail of a Fox ; 
 
 Then the Company turns to a LION rapacious, 
 
 And HASTINGS a Jackall of ftomach voracious. 
 
 In this way he proceeded, comparing and railing, 
 
 Till at length he perceiv'd that his fpirits were failing ; 
 
 Then he begg'd that the LORDS would appoint him a 
 
 day, 
 To hear fomething more it behov'd him to fay, 
 
 Indeed, my dear Brother, we have to lament 
 The reftriction on BURKE as a cruel event : 
 For though he is equally keen on accufing, 
 He is not, as formerly, half fo amufing. 
 I heard many Ladies the MINISTER blame, 
 Who is jealous, they fay, of the Orator's fame : 
 They think it is ftrange and abfurd, that a Youth 
 Should fall fo in love with the Goddefs of Truth ; 
 And indeed it would puzzle the ftatefman to tell, 
 Why a Galley Goddefs may'nt ferve him as well. 
 The fay it is an odd, unaccountable Pajfion, 
 Unknown to fine Speakers of merit and famion ; 
 But I take it, the principal caufe of their dread, 
 Is danger, if fuch an example mould fpread ; 
 If the Beauties of Speech men are taught to condemn, 
 Deception may foon be difrelimed in them. 
 
 But
 
 C 124 ] 
 
 But now, my dear Brother, this Letter I end, 
 As remarks of this kind might the LADIES offend ; 
 And! perchance I might get myfelf into the clutches 
 Of a Weman of wit and that Woman a DUCHESS. 
 
 May9*h, 1759. 
 
 LET-
 
 LETTER XXV. 
 SIMON IN WALES, 
 
 TO HIS 
 
 BROTHER SIMKIN IN TOWN, 
 
 1 HE letters, dear SIM, you obligingly write us, 
 Never fail to inftru6t, to amufe and delight us ; 
 But though we've no caufe to arraign your neglect, 
 We have reafon to think you not always correct. 
 We do not complain of your making additions, 
 Of perverting the fenfe, but of fundry omiffions. 
 Mr. LLILLY LLANSTUFFIN, who often frequents 
 ST. STEPHEN'S, is here for his Michaelmas rents : 
 And yefterday, fitting at table with him, 
 A fervant announced an epiftle from SIM. 
 He had heard of your name, and declar'd he'd be proud, 
 If I did him the favour to read it aloud ; 
 So I read it all over as well as I cou'd ; 
 He thank'd me, and faid, " that your verfes v/ere good; 
 *' But that many things pafs'd at that very debate, 
 " Which he wonder'd that^-o* mould forget to relate*" 
 
 A nar-
 
 [ "<5 J 
 
 A narrative Mr. LLANSTUFFIN began, 
 Which Til verfify now as exact as I can. 
 He faid, that CHARLES Fox difplay'd infinite cunning" 
 In perplexing the bufmefs ; whofe mifting and fhun- 
 
 ning 
 
 He compar'd to a cock that fights wheeling and running.^ 
 He faid, one might travel a feven days' journey, 
 Before one might find fuch a fogging Attorney : 
 One moment a MANAGER'S rights he maintain'd, 
 That his character facred could not be arraign'd : 
 The next, he with fubtkty jlrove to revoke 
 The words which the ORATOR granted, HE SPOKE : 
 And what EDMUND himfelf was fo free to confefs, 
 Fox doubted, and queflion'd it never-the-lefs. 
 The writers might well be fufpected of leaning, 
 Or of taking the words, and omitting the meaning : 
 Befides, 'twere a Jhame to refer to a note, 
 Which a man, not a MEMBER O/PARLIAMENT, wrote. 
 And the Members who heard their CHIEF MANAGER 
 
 fpeak, 
 
 Were either ajkep, or their memories weak ; 
 And as to confeffion, 'twas highly unfit, 
 Advantage to draw from ivhat BURKE might admit. 
 Now CHARLEY contends that it only belong'd 
 To the LORDS, to redrefs any man that is wrong'd ; 
 
 Then
 
 C "7 ] 
 
 Then he hints, that (hould cenfure excite his difguft, 
 
 It might drive him, perhaps, to relinquish his truft. 
 
 'Tis obfervable, this tautological Speaker 
 
 Is louder as much as his argument's weaker : 
 
 By bawling and noife, he creates a cliverfan, 
 
 To cover the fallacy of each alTertion : 
 
 By experience he knows, he can always engage 
 
 Attention, by feemlng to be in a rage, 
 
 He often affects fuch a puffing and blowing, 
 
 That his words, for a time, are prevented from flowing. 
 
 The Senators now, from long habit and fafhion, 
 
 Own his right by prefcription, to be in a pajjion. 
 
 Here LLILLY digrefs'd, and the characters drew, 
 Of all the rhetorical fpeakers he knew. 
 He faid, it was vain and abfurd to expect, 
 The papers could give us their fpeeches correct : 
 And fince I prefer Mr. LLILLY LLANSTUFFIN 
 To YOU, Brother SIM. or a partifan's puffing, 
 As he fpoke, in fhort hand, MEMORANDUMS I took, 
 Which I've enter'd at large in my red cover'd book ; 
 And if till next winter in leifure I live, 
 Their characters all to the public I'll give : 
 For indeed I muft own, though I do it with ihame, 
 I envy your praife and poetical fame. 
 
 As
 
 drew 1 , *j 
 // be true, > 
 
 3. 
 
 t 118 J 
 
 As Mr, LLANSTUFFIN thefe characters 
 He faid iomething of EDMUND, which if it 
 I'm furpris'd that it was not related by you. 
 The critical part 9 which it feems you forgot, 
 Was EDMUND'S reply to the CHARGES of SCOTT ; 
 Who declar'd that the former was fully acquainted, 
 At the time he that picture fo horrible painted, 
 (At which female rendernefs water* d and fainted.) 
 That to HASTINGS no blame could be juftly imputed, 
 And that fince, the whole calumny had been refuted. 
 To this EDMUND anfwer'd, altho* I agree, 
 I have but one witnefs to weigh againft THREE, 
 What lignifies that, when I prudently chofe, 
 To give credit to this, and to dijbelie-ve THOSE ? 
 I ftatecl as much as my purpofes FITTED ; 
 The reft I deem'd falfe, and 'twas therefore omitted. 
 This method of acting may poflibly do, 
 As a fubject of animadverfion for you : 
 You may fay with a laugh, that this mode of proceeding 
 Is owing to BURKE'S jejithical breeding ; 
 That Orators, when they engage in difputes, 
 Mention only as much as their purpofes fuits. 
 But you know, that the innocent natives of WALES 
 Are extremely averfe to the garbling of tales, 
 And we think that this BURKE, whomyoufeem toadmire, 
 Is not half fo good as a Taffy land fqulre : 
 
 And
 
 And rather than I would fuch company keep, 
 
 7 would live on the HILLS with the GROUSE and the 
 
 SHEEP. 
 
 But though I have given free fcope to my pen, 
 Don't let it prevent you from writing again. 
 J Tis true, that myfelf and fome others have noted, 
 To the Inter eft o/ BURKE you are too much devoted ; 
 And it has been fufpected you are in his pay, 
 In verfe to record all he chufes to fay. 
 But this, Brother SIM KIN, I know is untrue, 
 \Ve are no PARTI ZANS, fo I bid you adieu ! 
 
 }Vlay nth, 1789. 
 
 LET
 
 LETTER XXVI. 
 
 ! my dear BROTHER, ill omens portend, 
 That our long correfpondence draws near to its end 
 I conjure all my friends, not to conftrue the effect 
 Of mifcondud in PITT, into SIMKIN'S negleft. 
 
 Oh ! may that STATESMAN ever hated be 
 By all the Mufes in the fame degree, 
 Curs'd by APOLLO, as by BURKE and ME ! 
 
 The buds of FANCY in luxuriance blowing, 
 
 Like Eaftern Wind, his breath peftif'rous blighted ; 
 
 The ftream of Oratory fweetly flowing 
 
 That ftream it dry'd, which you and me delighted. 
 
 The fragrant flowers in ELOCUTION'S fpring, 
 
 Like morning froft, HIS breath congealing nipp'd; 
 
 In plumage gay, IMAGINATION'S wing 
 Soaring aloft his hand unhallow'd clipp'd. 
 
 In ELEGY folemn no more to complain, 
 As curfes and pray'rs are both equally vain ; 
 
 I muft
 
 [ '3' 3 
 
 I muft tell .you, but not without horror and dread, 
 That the rage of reftriction Teems likely to fpread ; 
 But I fhould not break in at the midft of a ftory, 
 So I'll lay the proceedings in order before you. 
 Many PAPERS laft Tuefday were read by the CLERKS, 
 Whofe drynefs was moiften'd by EDMUND'S remarks : 
 <e By reading thefe documents, 'tis my intent, 
 " Of the foot ^/CORRUPTIONS to give you thefeent. 
 fc The fcent of CORRUPTION is lading and ftrong ; 
 " If we follow our npfes, we carinot go wrong." 
 Then fniffing and fnuffing BURKE follow'd the track 
 Of corruption, like BRAWLER, the head of the pack ', 
 But in fpite of this hunt and the mufical cry 
 Of BRAWLER, the fport grew infipid and dry. 
 By the Ladies the Court was but thinly attended, 
 And the CLERKS feem'd afleep ere the bufmefs was 
 
 ended. 
 
 For the ufe of LOGICIANS, I beg leave to add, 
 Where prefumption affirmative cannot be had, 
 A NEGATIVE one may be put in its place, 
 As a fubftitute good in a criminal cafe. 
 This doctrine to fome appear'd dang'rous and new, 
 But in HASTINGS'S cafe, EDMUND fays it will do. - 
 Laft THURSDAY again I attended the COURT, 
 Without any reafon to boaft of the fport. 
 
 K 2 Oh !
 
 C i3 ] 
 
 Oh ! how I admire this moft wonderful man, 
 
 For contriving a new ceconomical plan ! 
 
 As the COMMONS, you know, have refus'd him per- 
 miflion 
 
 To indent at his pleafure for new ammunition ; 
 
 The balls which lay fcatter'd and fpread on the plain, 
 
 Are collected by GREY, andfir'd over again. 
 
 In this cannonade fo terrific and hot, 
 
 NUNDCOMAR and his charge were unlawfully mot. 
 
 But to fpeak in plain language, as GREY was proceed- 
 ing. 
 
 The Counfel objected to what he was reading : 
 
 They faid that no credit was due to the tongue 
 
 Of a ilanderous fellow, for forgery HUNG ! 
 
 Now CHARLES, to keep HASTINGS'S Counfel in awe, 
 
 In argument rofe againfl PLOMER, and I, AW. 
 
 You have heard it by many repeatedly faid, 
 
 Like CHARLES'S there never exifted a head. 
 
 His head is a rich inexhauftible mhic, 
 
 Of arguments plaufible, fubtle, and fine : 
 
 'TisaBANK, where the orders of SOPHISTRY pafs, 
 
 And are paid on demand in lead, copper, or brafs. 
 
 This man, whofe acutenefs difcover'd a fault 
 
 In every fpecies of evidence brought, 
 
 To convict BURKE of -having faid, more than he 
 ought; 
 
 Tho'
 
 C *33 3 
 
 Tho' EDMUND was twice heard to own and deare it ; 
 Tho' the writers took notes, and were ready to fwear it ; 
 Tho' CHARLES was twice prefent, and happened to hear 
 
 Tho' the Members themfelves heard the ORATOR fpeak 
 All this was incompetent, futile, and weak. 
 This man, who contended againft the admitting 
 Proof strong as all thefe, becaufe light and unfitting, 
 Now proves to the COURT, in this CASE to difpenle 
 With an OATH, is confiftent with JUSTICE and SENSE. 
 " But in lieu of an OATH, or the Pris'ner's admiffion, 
 <f We have NUNDCOMAR'S word, and a loadofSvsvi- 
 
 " CION. 
 
 " And tho' he on a gibbet for FORGERY died, 
 
 < e Does it follow from thence, that he conrlantly lied ? 
 
 (f I fay, (and 'twas feemingly faid with REGRET) 
 
 " We have brought the beft proof WE could pofibly get. 
 
 " 'Tis the cuftom of all the LAW COURTS of our KING, 
 
 <{ To accept the bejl proofs that the Plaintiffs can bring ; 
 
 " And when there is doubt of what people advance, 
 
 " To cafi up the odds, and be GUIDED by CHANCE. 
 
 " When you think of the character now at your Bar, 
 
 " And of HIS, who accits'dkim thefaidNuNocoMAR 
 
 " Can any one harbour a doubt in his breaft, 
 
 " But the word of the LATTER is fa/eft and beft ?" 
 
 This reas'ning of CHARLES, though exceedingly good, 
 
 Was either not relifh'd, or mifunderftood ; 
 
 K 3 For,
 
 '[ -34 ] 
 
 For the LORDS to their chamber agreed to withdraw, 
 To confult with their Oracles, men of the LAW. 
 This determin'd the COURT for that day to adjourn, 
 And I hear that next Wednesday they mean to return ; 
 The genius of CHARLES no eulogium can raife 
 It. is proof again/I SHAME, and fuperior to PRAISE ; 
 He turns like a gig, and you'd wonder thereat, 
 In a perfon like his, fo unw'ieldly and fat. 
 All his friends and his enemies freely confefs 
 His verfatile powers, his art, and addrefs. 
 There is nothing fo white, there is nothing fo black, 
 But CHARLEY can either defend, or attack. 
 Before, my dear SIMON, I lay down my pen 
 (As I may not find matter to write you again), 
 I muft tell you, that HASTINGS'S counfel objected, 
 To BURKE in a manner I never expected : 
 For HE, who had been fo extremely profufe, 
 Who had fcarcely omitted one term of abufe ; 
 Who when his own language could furnim no more, 
 Lamented its being fo barren and poor 
 So repeated the fame he had utter' d before. 
 In the field of an argument ample and fpacious, 
 He gave to fome action the name of " audacious." 
 The COUNSEL of this to their LORDSHIPS complained. 
 And BURKE for indelicate terms was arraign'd. 
 
 You 
 
 i
 
 C '35 3 
 
 You will judge from this trifling, this fimple event, 
 What reafon I have to complain and lament ; 
 If BURKE is confin'd to decorum and order, 
 I'll relinquish my Pen, and the Poftof RECORDER. 
 
 aoth May, 1789, 
 
 K 4 LET-
 
 LETTER xxvu. 
 
 Wednefday, dear Brother, their LORDSHIP* 
 
 decreed, 
 
 That NUNDCOMAR'S Charge 'twere unlawful to read ; 
 That is, as their CONSCIENCES could not believe it 
 They thought that in Juftice they could not receive it. 
 When the CHANCELLOR faid, " that their LORDSHIPS 
 
 " were come 
 
 " To this refolution," poor EDMUND was dumb. 
 He flood like a fpeftre, aghaft and affrighted, 
 Then pray'd that the words might again be recited. 
 The words were repeated The MANAGERS pray'd 
 For time to confult : So the TRIAL was ftay'd. 
 You remember how MILTON has finely related, 
 That when the dark PRINCE was in battle defeated, 
 He to council conven'd all his LEADERS in black, 
 To confult about making another attack. 
 So EDMUND, extremely diftrefs'd and perplexr, 
 Confults with his friends upon Battle the next. 
 Awhile they fat fullen ; then JOSEPH arofe, 
 And thus fpoke to the Chief in poetical profe : 
 
 "Th*
 
 [ '37 ] 
 
 " Th* ADVICE I offer'd at the laft debate^ 
 " Was then rejected, and I now repeat, 
 " You will repent it, and repent too late. 
 (( Why do we thus encounter endlefs JJoame > 
 " Like defperate gamblers, play the loftng game ? 
 f( The very fufferers, whofe caufe we try, 
 " DISOWN iff and their advocates DENY. 
 " The HOUSE which fent us here to plead this caufe, 
 ' Difgufted too, its confidence withdraws : 
 (f The LORDS, who ought to favour and protect us 
 " On all occafions, Ilightingly neglect us . 
 " Oh ! that it had never been undertaken, 
 " Would that the caufe laft week had been forfaken" 
 Here MONTAGUE put in to fave the name 
 Of his dear BURKE, from everlafting lhame. 
 '* Fatal, ALAS ! the confequence muft be 
 ' To this great caufe, if LEADERS difagree : 
 " Shame and defeat attend defponding fear, 
 " Whilft FORTUNE yields to thofe, who PERSEVERE. 
 c New ammunition let the Chiefs provide, 
 < c To cannonade the fort on every fide. 
 ' You, CHARLES, a thund ring battery muft erect, 
 " To bear upon the bajlion INTELLECT. 
 " And JOSEPH^ you, behind the curtain dealing, 
 " Muft undermine the COURT on fudge, zn& feeling, 
 
 Let
 
 { t 3 8 ] 
 
 ?* Let EDMUND'S cannon on their patience 
 
 * e To beat down that, already glvingway. 
 
 M Pleas'd with th' advice, the CHIEFS with ardor 
 
 " burn'dj 
 " DissbLv'o the Council, and to COURT RE- 
 
 " TURN'D.'* 
 
 Now EDMUND begins to lament and complain^ 
 That the/oo/ of corruption is fcented in vain : 
 That if probable evidence, cannot be taken. 
 The caufe to its very foundation is ftiaken ; 
 And CHARLES alfo thunder'd againft the decifion, 
 Till their LORDSHIPS confented at length to revifion: 
 To determine, if what they rejected before, 
 As it loudly demanded admiffion once more, 
 Might not be let in at the kitchen back-door ? 
 A while they withdrew to their Room to debate ; 
 But refus'd on returning, to open the gate, 
 
 Now EDMUND pathetic, begins to implore 
 They would kindly conduct him to (ome other door 
 " Ah ! why will your LORDSHIPS permit us to ftray ? 
 " We are ignorant travellers lofmg our way." 
 Then EDMUND in paffionate language began 
 To prove that himfelf was an ignorant man, 
 That a large Jlock of -'ignorance fell to the (hare 
 Of himfelf and the herd that was under his care. 
 
 That
 
 That they could no folid advantages draw, 
 From confulting with DOUGLAS and DICK of the law. 
 Juft here a thought fuddenly entered my head, 
 Which in private, to you, may with fafety be faid; 
 If they want either will, or the power to aflift, 
 Their civilians and counfellors might be difimft ; 
 For why mould the NATION incur an expence, 
 In the hire of profound legal knowledge, a.ndfenfe, 
 From THOSE, to themfelves who fo clofely have kept it, 
 Or if BURKE did not think it worth while to accept it? 
 
 To RETURN to the fubject of EDMUND'S oration ;- 
 He faid, "that CORRUPTION and bafe PECULATION;" 
 From their LORDSHIPS' refolve would extenfivelyfpread ; 
 That they aided in railing INIQUITY'S head. 
 Fox thinking that he could be louder andftronger, 
 Would not fufTer his LEADER, to fpeak any longer; 
 Awhile there appear'd a confufion of tongues, 
 But CHARLEY prevailed by the ftrength of bis lungs. 
 He prov'd to the LORDS, 'twas exceedingly wrong, 
 To expect from the MANAGERS evidence flrong : 
 That they fhouldnot be fqueamim, but joyfully take 
 The proofs that are offer'd, for juft ice's fake, 
 And fince all the doors below Hairs were (hut, 
 To the window, a ladder CHARLES artfully put. 
 
 (For
 
 (For tho' by the late unexpected conclufion, 
 
 The doors were elofe barr'd againft daring intrufion, 
 
 That does not amount to a total exclujton.) 
 
 Again to their chamber their LORDSHIPS withdraw 
 
 To put this new queftion to men of the law : 
 
 There is one Dr. PARR, it behoves you to know* 
 
 Who won all the MANAGERS' hearts long ago, 
 
 By a cramp Latin preface oj broken quotations, 
 
 In praife of their politics, parts, and orations ; 
 
 This par [bnage often attends in their box, 
 
 To glean hints for his SERMONS, from EDMUND, andFox ; 
 
 And perhaps as a Cafuift deep, to fugged 
 
 Some fubtle new quirk, when the caufe is hard preft, 
 
 Or to furnim dry feraps from OLD AUTHORS : at leaft, 
 
 He can never be requifite there, as a PRIEST 
 
 For intentions fo pure, and fuch MEEKNESS of SPIRIT, 
 
 Muft of courfe, and of right, HEAVEN'S kingdom in. 
 
 herit : 
 
 Unlefs as a chaplain, they'd have him fay grace, 
 Forfuccefs on their arms, ere the battle takes place, 
 This fame MANAGER'S Box, I've obferv'd to be lin'd, 
 With hungry expectants of every kind. 
 And PARR, as a Regency BISHOP ELECT, 
 Has a claim to a feat among thofe who expeff. 
 For finding his LATIN,, his WIG, and his BIRCH, 
 All too weak to fecure his a/cent in the CHURCH, 
 
 He
 
 C 141 J 
 
 He dafhingly join'd OPPOSITION in form, 
 Determin'd to carry a Mitre by STORM ! 
 I have much more to fay, but this moment a friend 
 Is come in, and of courfe, my epiftle muft end. 
 Howe'er of remijjhefs you mail not complain, 
 I mean by next poft to addrefs you again. 
 
 -May 25th, 1789. 
 
 LET.
 
 [ 14* 3 
 
 LETTER XXVIII. 
 
 1 TOLD you, dear BROTHER, their LORDSHIPS retired 
 
 To confider of that which the LEADERS requir'd: 
 
 On THURSDAY, the day to which they had adjourn 'd. 
 
 They met, and Lord THURLOW their anfwer returned ; 
 
 Which was, " that their LORDSHIPS not being ajleep, 
 
 t 'Twas impoflible now through the window to creep!'* 
 
 Here EDMUND brought in a poetic quotation, 
 
 Which attributes to NOW, an eternal duration : 
 
 He faid the word now, was a cruel obftruction, 
 
 A difficult problem, too hard for reduction ; 
 
 That the MANAGERS meant to return to their College, 
 
 For phyfkal, and metaphyfical knowledge ; 
 
 Or feme fort of knowledge, informing them how 
 
 To purge from the caufe, fuch obftruttions as f ' now." 
 
 After thefe obferv aliens, BuRKEfinifti'dhis pleading, 
 
 And the clerk for awhile was engag'd with his reading $ 
 
 Then EDMUND that evidence ofFer'd once more, 
 
 Which the LORDS had rejected fo often before; 
 
 And by way of fupporting his prefent pretenfion, 
 
 Of " NOW" and of " THEN," he defcrib'd the dimenfion, 
 
 The period of " NOW," with exactnefs he reckoned, 
 
 And faid, " THEN" was thefrjt, and that " NOW" was 
 
 the fecond. 
 
 i Here
 
 C -143 3 
 Here the CHANCELLOR wiih'd that the LEADERS would 
 
 fay, 
 
 What motives they had for thus forcing their way ? 
 Then CHARLES, in his vehement manner of ftorming, 
 The QUESTION evades, and objects to informing ; 
 He faid, 'twas the MANAGER'S duty to try 
 (As HASTINGS would neither confefs nor deny) 
 To conftrue his lilence, his want of expreffion, 
 Into probable guilt , and prefumptive confejfion. 
 He added, had HASTINGS'S confcience been cleaner, . 
 He had (hewn no omiffory fullen demeanour : 
 " Suppofe that I heard any perfpn complain 
 " Of its being my fault, that fo many were flain, 
 " Of the WESTMINSTER PEOPLE that voted for HOOD, 
 " I would furely deny it as long- as I could 
 " And if /this moment were put on my trial, 
 tc I would not be found guilty, for want of DENIAL.? 
 Now EDMUND put in, and with ardour befought 
 Their LORDSHIPS would kindly pafs over a fault ; 
 He hoped, and he trufted, they would not reject 
 The proof he could bring for a trifling defect 
 That fo high a tribunal ought not to be ty'd ~\ 
 
 To the forms, and the rules whereby LAWYERS decide, > 
 But CONVENIENCY take, a lefs fallible guide; 
 " And if pains and penalties are not inflicted 
 " On Eaftern delinquents, till fairly conin&ed> 
 
 "The
 
 [ 144 ] 
 
 " The MANAGERS here may a long time harangue 
 
 " Before they may fee any one of them hang ; 
 
 <c And if 'probable evidence is not admitted, 
 
 " The Prifoner's in danger of being acquitted. 
 
 " Living WITNESSES into this country to bring 
 
 " From INDIA, my LORDS, is a difficult thing: 
 
 " There was but one BRAMIN who ventured to crofs 
 
 " The fea, and he felt irretrievable lofs, 
 
 " Nothing lefs than the family title of Doss" 
 
 This allufion juft then I did not comprehend, 
 
 Till 'twas clear'dup by EDMUND'S particular friend ; 
 
 And as he detailed an agreeable ftory, 
 
 I'll digrefs for a moment, to lay it before you 
 
 A STORY. 
 
 BURKE The BRAMIN and the HOT-HOUSE. 
 
 O^GOONISHAM, my Authors fay, 
 Was bred a Joiner * at BOMBAY ; 
 Where, by fome damnable tranfgreffion, 
 He loft bis caft and his profeflion. 
 He gave his jailor too, the flip, 
 And got on board an Englim fliip ; 
 
 * The Carpenter Caftis extremely low in India. 
 
 There
 
 C i45 3 
 
 There hiding underneath the deck, 
 From halter fav'd his forfeit neck. 
 When GOONISHAM to England came, 
 He heard of EDMUND'S founding fame. 
 And adding Doss to his furname. 
 With that enthufiaftic , paft 
 For Eram'm * of the highefl caft; 
 Now BURKE, with exultation big. 
 Like him who got the learned pig, 
 Grafps at this fund of information. 
 To furnim many a long oration. 
 At home invites him to relide ; 
 An offer which the SAINT deny'd. 
 EDMUND provided next a treat 
 The fcrup'lous FATHER would not eat j 
 A Jefuit's table would not fuit him, 
 A Catb'lic dwelling would pollute him* 
 Now BURKE fits up, at vaft expence, 
 A HOT-HOUSE for his refidence ; 
 The old exotics out he threw, 
 To make provifion for the new 9 
 Pines and et cateras out of number, 
 Were thrown away as ufelefs lumber : 
 
 * The Bramin Caft is the higheft in India, bt'inf of the Order of ' 
 Melchifedeck. 
 
 The
 
 C '46 ] 
 
 The Houfe was warm'd with conftant fire, 
 
 And all things done to his defire ; 
 
 Then EDMUND begg'd his Rev'rend Maftef, 
 
 T* inftrud him in his Holy Shaffer.* 
 
 No fooner does the Scholar afk, 
 
 Than GOONISHAM begins the tafk. 
 
 Without a Book he glibly reads 
 
 Four of his own invented Bedes ;-j~ 
 
 Ordaining ceremonies fafter 
 
 Than Mofes, or than Zoroajler.% 
 
 As far as BURKE could comprehend 
 
 The broken Englim of his friend, 
 
 He thought the doctrine vaftly fine, 
 
 Angelic, heavenly, and divine : 
 
 And left the fragment mould be mifs'd, 
 
 He got a learned man t' affift 
 
 Twas JONES, the Orientalijl. 
 
 You've read the ftory of the Pigeon, 
 
 That brought Mahomed his Religion ; 
 
 Juft fo this fable, humming Bird, 
 
 From Ram to EDMUND brought the word : 
 
 * Hindoo Bible. 
 
 f Four Books of Hindoo Scripture, or Four Gofpels. 
 
 j Zoroafter, the Perfian Mofes. 
 
 Ram, a Hindoo Devvtah. 
 
 The
 
 C '47 3 
 
 The two Difciples now prepare 
 A Shafter with uncommon care, 
 Which BURKE keeps ready to produce, 
 As often as it is of ufe. 
 But now the (hip departed hence, 
 And BURKE by way of Recompence, 
 At parting made a long Oration, 
 For this fad Joiner's Revelation : 
 Bound for BENGAL, the Renegade, 
 On board the Ship refum'd his trade ; 
 So to CALCUTTA made his way, 
 (Not daring to approach BOMBAY :) 
 There known too well he laid afide, 
 The name of Doss, the BRAMIN'S pride. 
 
 To return to the HALL, BURKE proceeded to (how, 
 That all the Law Courts were too vulgar, and low ; 
 That their practice was pitiful, paltry, and mean, 
 Not fit to be followed, fcarce fit to be feen. 
 That this high TRIBUNAL Ihould conftantly aft, 
 By general opinion, not matter of faff. 
 Here EDMUND was making a monflrous ado, 
 About fome bloody Letter, and -\- Conta-Bdh-Book ; 
 
 * Mr. Burke's method of pronouncing it. 
 
 L 2 When
 
 C '48 3 
 
 When CAMDEN obferv'd, that the leaders had try'd 
 To fhove themfelves in upon every fide. 
 But tho' they had fail'd, yet the COURT did not venture, 
 To fay there was no place, at which they might enter ; 
 One conclufion, however, he vvifh'd them to draw, 
 If they enter, it muft be, according to LAW. 
 He therefore, requefted them, now to decide, 
 How many more apertures were to be try'd ; 
 But the LEADERS perceiv'd his intent was to fix, 
 And, perhaps, guard againft their Old Harlequin tricks ; 
 So requefted the COURT would excufe them from faying, 
 What cards they nozv hold, and keep ready for playing. 
 Then CHARLEY, with arguments fubtle, contended, 
 The firft Period of NOW, muft be perfectly ended : 
 That hirnfelf and the MANAGERS hop'd and expected.., 
 In Period thefecond, they'll not be rejected. 
 He ended 'their LORDSHIPS adjourn'd to decide 
 If the hole they attempt, be noil) open and wide. 
 As CHARLEY thus play'd his diverfify'd game, 
 It put me in mind of that beaft of his name, 
 Whofe paws are fo noted for dealing and picking, 
 AVho one night carry'd off, my old Hen, and ker Chicken. 
 My guns and my houfe-dogs, my bolts and my locks, 
 Were too weak to reiift the attempts of that Fox, 
 And into the Manfion, I'll venture a bet, 
 By Hook or by Crook that this Biped will get.* 
 
 * Simkin was miftaken. 
 2 This
 
 This day by an accurate meafure 'twas found, 
 The MANAGERS gain'd not an inch of new ground ; 
 And PROVIDENCE feems in no hurry to blefs, 
 Their Pious attempts with entreated fqccefs, 
 Notwithflanding the Pray'rof that brave Devil- fighter > 
 Who I yefterday told you, was forming a MITRE. 
 Adieu if next Wednefday fends food for my pen, 
 Be aflur'd, my lov'd SIMON, I'll write you again. 
 May syth, 1789. 
 
 * Dodor Parr. 
 
 L 3 LET-
 
 C '5 3 
 
 LETTER XXIX. 
 
 WEDNESDAY, DEAR BROTHER, the 
 minfler COURT 
 
 Was expected to furnifh much matter of fport ; 
 And as GWYNNY and WYNNY had never gone thither, 
 We calTd for a coach and proceeded together ; 
 Not all the fine words of thofe eloquent Sparks, 
 Not the ftill finer documents read by the CLERKS, 
 Were half fo diverting as GWYNNY'S remarks : 
 She faid, " that the LEADER, the Captain Impeacher, 
 Refembled her Aunt's Method iftical teacher : 
 She was pleas'd to the life with his praying and canting, 
 And offended as much by his raving and ranting ; 
 She thought that fo much of the Irijbman** howl, 
 Made the ftream of his eloquence muddy and foul. 
 Her anxiety now, the dear creature exprefles, 
 For the wear of the Bayes of the Manager's dreffes, 
 Who might, if they had ceconomical fenfe, 
 In Monmouth-Street change them at little expence." 
 I took down what (he faid, and perhaps I may fpin ye, 
 A Letter or two from the faying of GWYNNY ; 
 And if that's not enough for diverfion and laughter, 
 One or two from the fay ings of WYNNY hereafter. 
 
 For
 
 f 151 3 
 
 For the girls on the Mountains of Taffyknd bred, 
 
 Have ideas as flrange, as can enter a head. 
 
 The remarks which they made, were fo new and amufing, 
 
 That I loft a great portion of EDMUND'S accufmg ; 
 
 Howe'er to continue my narrative plan, 
 
 I'll report all that happen'd as well as I can : 
 
 When the CHANCELLOR faid that the LORDS had 
 
 agreed, 
 
 That NUNDCOMAR'S Charge was improper to read, 
 Poor EDMUND appeared to be fadly confounded, 
 Not knowing on what this decifion was grounded : 
 He faid, " PECULATION, however notorious, 
 " Would now be triumphantly great and uproarious, 
 " And HASTINGS, he fear'd, would at laft be victo- 
 
 " rious." 
 
 He faid, " that this look'd like a holy contrivance, 
 ff Of clerical Men, for the fake of connivance 
 " My LORDS, I do fay, a Nabob's peculation 
 " Is wrapp'd up as clofe as a PRIEST'S fornication : 
 " If a Parfon that damnable crime fhould commit, 
 " The Judges who try'd him were bound to acquit, 
 " According to ancient canonical law, 
 " Unlefs 'twas an act thirty-two People faw ; 
 " And to guard againft falfehood and flanderous lies, 
 " They muft fee the fad, openly done with their eyes : 
 L 4 " But
 
 C is* ] 
 
 e{ But to prove that a BISHOP convers'd with a Mifs, 
 " Requir'd/or/y witnefles added to this." 
 An agreeable doctrine to Prelates and Graces, 
 Whofe feelings appear'd in their rifible faces j 
 And the Ladies, by fympathy, feem'd to difcover 
 The advantage of having a fpiritual Lover. 
 Now I'm fadly afraid that Wives, Widows, and Mifes, 
 Will confine to the CHURCH all their favours and kifFes ; 
 And mould all the girls to this doctrine accede, 
 The State of the Clergy were envy'd indeed \ 
 Here EDMUND a Letter proceeded to quote, 
 Which he ftrongly fufpects the old dancing Girl wrote ; 
 Twasto prove the fum total of HASTINGS'S fees- 
 Amounted to more than three Lacks of Rupees. 
 He faid, that as Ladies of that injured nation 
 Were excluded from view, by their cuftom and flation, 
 They muft have fame method of communication. 
 " And 'tis not in nature, your LORDSHIPS may fay, 
 " To block up a Lady, orjlop up her wayi 
 <( And as Ladies can never befalfe or abfurd, 
 fe Inftead of an oath we may credit their word. 
 " Tho' Ecckfaftical, Civil, and Common, 
 < Tho' no law admits the bare word of a Woman, . 
 " Tho' EQUITY, CHANCERY, always reject it, 
 <' The High-Court of PARLIAMENT ought to refpeclit* 
 
 " If
 
 E 153 ] 
 
 " If no rule can be found, we can't poflibly take one, 
 
 fe Tis therefore the MANAGERS' duty to make one. 
 
 tc And fince we've no evidence ftronger and better, 
 
 " Be pleas'd to accept of the dancing Girl's Letter"* 
 
 Now EDMUND affected to treat as ajoke 
 
 The doctrine of Evidence, written by COKE ; 
 
 And of all the abfurdities he ever faw, 
 
 The greateft abfurdities were in the LAW. 
 
 Tho' their LORDSHIPS' decifion was certainly good,. 
 
 As the principle of it was not underftood 
 
 He admitted, however, for fear he (hould wrong 'em. 
 
 There was great underftanding, and learning among 'em. 
 
 But as they retir'd to their room to debate, 
 
 Where himfelf and his friends have no claim to a feat, 
 
 He could not divine, on what bafis they built 
 
 Their mortal averjton to probable guilt, 
 
 As the MANAGERS daily grow keener and keener, 
 To eftablifh omijjbry rules of DEMEANOR ; 
 And to fave fuch a number of mufic-lefs dances, 
 They atlaft had recourfe to Immaculate FRANCIS. 
 This gentleman, when he appeared at the bar, 
 To give fome account of the faid NUNDCOMAR, 
 By the Counfel of HASTINGS was fuddenly flopped, 
 And I cannot telj why, but the bufinefs was DROPP'D. 
 
 GWYNNY
 
 [ "54 ] 
 
 GWYNNY afk'd me to tell her the MANAGERS meaning 
 In trying to fettle new modes of demeaning ? 
 But WYNN Y conceiv'd the intent of thefe rules, 
 WAS improvement of youth in the MANAGERS' Schools. 
 By repeated defeat BURKE grew peevifh and fretful, 
 And LAWRENCE * fuppofinghim rather forgetful, 
 Was correcting fome technical error in trade, 
 (Which he muft underftand being recently made ;) 
 When BURKE his kind offer morofely rejected, 
 And the young CIVIL LAWYER flood juitly corrected. 
 
 As the Pojl bell is ringing, this Letter I end, 
 But another, next week, I mail certainly fend ; 
 For as long as the LEADER goes on with his pleading, 
 I can furnim you always with plenty of reading ; 
 That the ORATOR'S arguments merit renown, 
 Is th' opinion of all the News Writers in Town. 
 
 May 3 oth, 1789. 
 
 * The fuppofed author of the ROLLIAD, and with peculiar pro- 
 priety therefore felefted by Mr. BURKE as one of the Council for the 
 Commons. 
 
 LET-
 
 C 155 3 
 
 LETTER XXX. 
 
 YOURSELF and my coujinsaxe frighted," you fay, 
 " At my filence lad week, and unlook'd-for delay ;" 
 I promised another epiftle Ihould follow, 
 But I promis'd without the confent of APOLLO: 
 Oh, BROTHER ! a cruel diforder invades, 
 And ELYSIUM invites me to dwell with the (hades. . 
 As I lie on my bed in a ftate of dejection, 
 I am griev'd to the foul by this difmal reflection, 
 That if SIM KIN mould fink underneath his diforder, 
 The LEADER of Leaders may want a RECORDER. 
 
 Before great EDMUND fpoke, in ftrains fublime, 
 
 Liv'd Orators who rav'd as long and loud ; 
 "Whofe names haveperim'd in theftream of time, 
 
 Sunk in oblivion with the filent crowd ! 
 In the cold earth, if he forgotten lie, 
 
 What is the indefatigable tongue ? 
 The eloquent and mute alike muft die, 
 
 If ORATORY'S praife be left unfung. 
 
 But
 
 [ '56 3 
 
 But if the affiftance of WARREN, and BAKER, 
 Difappoint for the prefent the fad Undertaker ; 
 I truft that the CHIEFS will illumine my piece, 
 In fame will furvive like the Worthies of GREECE. 
 
 Yonaik me, dear SIMON, if EDMUND the nice, 
 Who, like Jack, rofe to combat the GIANT of VICE j 
 Who declar'd that corruption and bafe peculation, 
 Taints every good Chriftian who vifits that nation : 
 That all are corrupt in the higheft degree, 
 Except his oft -mentioned immaculate THREE. 
 You aik me, if EDMUND, thefe dangers foreknowing^ 
 Confented to WILL, his dear Relative's, going ? 
 Ob ! SIMON ! I often reflect on thofe days, 
 We have fpent on the Mountains in innocent plays ; 
 Wliere from morningtill night, 'twas our cuftom to keep, 
 So our father commanded, the runts and the fheep : 
 How often with GWYNNY, fweet PHYLLIS, and CHLOE, 
 In the evening we danc'd, on the Banks of the TOWEY, 
 Jn thofe innocent days, but, alas ! they are fled ! 
 7 never fufpcfted what any one faid ; 
 Jn NATURE'S plain words, in SIMPLICITY'S ftile, 
 We fpoke what we thought, we were grangers to guile ; 
 But in this great METROPOLIS, fezv are fo weak 
 As to &A Y wl\it tbey T H i N, K , or to T H i N K ?vk at they s P E A K . 
 
 Here
 
 [ '57 ] 
 
 Here daily -repeated experience teaches, 
 
 How the atlions of Men difagree with their fpeecbes ; 
 
 Their language and ftile, men adapt to their cafes, 
 
 As ladies, their colours, adapt to their faces : 
 
 And an Orator's fpeech ftands in need of adorning, 
 
 As a City DAME'S face, does of paint in the morning. 
 
 Yes, Brother, the facl is undoubtedly true, 
 And I fafely may venture, to tell it to you, 
 To INDIA, his Coufin, great EDMUND fent o'er, 
 As Agent to TUL-JA-JEE, Chief of 'Tanjore; 
 But when into Office, our Orator got, 
 Coufin WILL* he remov'd, from Tanjore, to Artot\ 
 For BURKE and his family, moft people fay, 
 Are anxious at all times, to finger the Pay. 
 Tho' they look upon Gold, aspejlifirous Trajh, 
 They are partial, it feems, to the counting of cajh, 
 f Tis written, offenders we mould not condemn, 
 As perhaps fome excufe may be pleaded for them ; 
 It may be, that BURKE'S coufin was fent to that nation. 
 To fet an example of ftrange moderation. 
 So EDMUND and Fox, once were willing to take 
 ALL THE EAST to THEMSELVES, for HUM AN IT Y'S SAKE J. 
 
 * Mr. WILLIAM BURKE, Agent to the Rajah, of Tranjore from 
 1777 to 1782, when Lord ROCKINGHAM appointed him, (at the rer 
 commendation of Mr. EDMUND BURKE,) Pay matter of the King'* 
 Forces in India, which office he ilill retains. 
 
 And
 
 [ is* 3 
 
 And left fouls ihould be damn'd for attachment to 
 
 pelf, 
 
 BURKE confented to take, "half the Jin to himfelf; 
 In hopes of affecting the purification 
 Of morals, by " leading men out of temptation." 
 
 But now, my dear Brother, 'tis time I recal 
 My attention to that which occurr'd at the HALL ; 
 T expect in your next, I fhall find you complaining, 
 That the bufmefs of Thurfday was not entertaining ; 
 It chiefly confided of document reading, 
 And GREY and ANSTRUTHER alternately pleading; 
 Of whom in one couplet enough may be faid, 
 The ONE was QUICKSILVER, the OTHER was LEAD." 
 With HASTINGS'S Counfel they warmly debated, 
 What evidence mould, and what mould not be ftated ? 
 It feems, the whole ftrength of their evidence lies, 
 In queftions, and O^MUNNY BEGUM'S replies, 
 But, it ftrikes me with wonder, I needs muft confefs, 
 When I think of the MANAGERS' laying fuch ftrefs, 
 On the word of a woman, a pitiful creature 
 As EDMUND defcrib'd her, " the outcaft of nature" 
 Some letters GREY faid, " appear'd very unfit, 
 To be read, as their tendency was to ACQJJIT ; 
 And here, like their Chief y the fubordinates try'd, 
 To (hove in accufations on every fide ; 
 
 For
 
 [know, "\ 
 
 ' 
 
 e toe. J 
 
 C -59 3 
 
 For the MANAGING BODY, 'tis fit you mould know, 
 
 With zeal, and with ardour, all equally glow, 
 
 From EDMUND the head, to SIR GILBERT the 
 
 All equally eager and keen on accufing, 
 
 Tho* unequal to Fox in the ftyle of abufing, 
 
 And unequal to JOSEPH, and BURKE, in amufmg. 
 
 But the CHANCELLOR tir'd of their pleafant digreflions, 
 
 Made ufe of fome very unfriendly expreffions. 
 
 Lord THURLOW is very precife and exacb, 
 
 And relifties nothing but matter of fa ft ; 
 
 To EQUITY bred, and inur'd from his youth 
 
 To elaborate invejligation of truth ; 
 
 He thinks oratorical flights and allufions, 
 
 In criminal cafes, improper intrufions. 
 
 He fays, that no charges are fit to be quoted, 
 
 Except thofe abne which the COMMONERS voted : 
 
 That the Managers mould not be fuffer'd to ftray, 
 
 But prove, and eftablijh, whatever they fay. 
 
 Notwithstanding, dear BROTHER, this rigid decree, 
 
 Is deftrudive at once to my HERO and ME ; 
 
 Notwithstanding its confequence I may deplore, 
 
 The CHANCELLOR'S CHARACTER, all men adore ! 
 
 'Twas HE who of late, on a trying occafion, 
 
 Was proof againft threats, and the arts of perfuafion ; 
 
 Who his MAKER invok'd, if HE ever forfook 
 
 Hisjick Mafter, to blot his own name from the book; 
 
 i When
 
 [ 160 ] 
 
 When BURKE, in his phrenzy, announced to the world, 
 " That the king, by Omnipotence fmitten, was bu v Fd 
 " From bis "Throne !" He flood forth in that critical hour, 
 Fofecure to bis KING, the refumption of POWER ; 
 Like CATO, in Virtue, inflexibly ftrong, 
 No pajfion can urge him, to THAT which is wrong. 
 
 This day, tho' the reafon I cannot yet find, 
 BURKE, like injignifcance, refted behind ; 
 And by way of amufement, Fox went to a race, 
 Leaving wett-belov'd JOSEPH to act in his place ; 
 Who, if GREY and ANSTRUTHER were forc'd to give 
 
 back, 
 
 Like a corps de referve, might renew the attack. 
 FAREWELL, my dear SIMON ! and Deo 
 Another epiftle (hall quickly be fent ye. 
 
 June gth, 1789. 
 
 LET-
 
 LETTER XXXI, 
 
 PREPARING laft Wednefday to vifit the HALL, 
 
 My maiden Aunt BRIDGET, juft gave a call; 
 
 You know (he was frighted away from the bar, 
 
 fey the ftory BURKE told about PRINCE CANTEMAR> 
 
 I could never prevail on my delicate Aunt 
 
 Till Wednefday, to think of repeating her jaunt : 
 
 And I firmly believe me would not have gone then, 
 
 If I had not affur'd her, that rnodeli young men, 
 
 Like GREY, and fome others, who being beginners, 
 
 IVbrfd not talk fo loofely, as harden d old Sinners. 
 
 So when the time fix'd by adjournment drew nigh, 
 
 Away went together Aunt BRIDGET and I ; 
 
 It chanc'd that the LORDS, long engag'd in Debate, 
 
 This day did not make their appearance till late. 
 
 We fat in the GALLERY more than an hour, 
 
 Whilft my Aunt grew exceedingly peevifh and four: 
 
 She abus'd without mercy, delays of the law, 
 
 And in gen'ral found fault with whatever me faw : 
 
 She was not, however, averfe to allowing 
 
 that their LORDSHIPS were higk'j imprw'd in their 
 
 bvtiuing ; 
 
 M This
 
 [ i6* 3 
 
 This could not, fhe thought, be imputed to chance, 
 But that EDMUND, turn'd Mafter, had taught them to 
 
 dance. 
 And if BRIDGET, this fummer, fhou'd come down to 
 
 Wales, 
 
 You'll not be furpris'd, if, among other tales, 
 You hear her in Company boldly advancing, 
 That EDMUND hasopen'd a College for dancing. 
 
 Now the LORDS are aflembled, and BURKE begins 
 
 boring, 
 
 The COURT, with fome papers collected by GORING ; 
 And the COUNSEL, as ufual, repeat their objections 
 To receiving as Evidence, GORING 's Collections.: 
 Here EDMUND infixing, their LORDSHIPS withdraw, 
 To communicate queftions to Men of the Law, 
 They return, and the anfwer comes out as expected, 
 AndGoRiNc's Collection is alfo REJECTED. 
 Now querulous EDMUND proceeds to remark, 
 That himfelfand the MANAGERS were in the dark: 
 " I have fuffer'd no method, no mode to efcape, 
 " I have try'd, and will try it in every fhape ; 
 " It may be that your LORDSHIPS are not well contented 
 " With the manner, in which our addrefs is prefented. 
 tc lf we fail in pundilio, or etiquette, 
 
 < e The MANAGERS right, it behoves you tofet." 
 
 Now
 
 C i3 3 
 
 Now BURKE, like a fly that has tafted of honey, 
 
 Returns in great hade, to his favorite MUNNY s 
 
 With vehemence urges, " 'tis vaftly abfurd, 
 
 <l To queftion or doubt of her HIGHNESS'S word; 
 
 (( That where Ladies of rank cannot decently fw ear 9 
 
 " We ought to believe what they choofe to declare;" 
 
 And he mention'd fome dames of fuch delicate pride, 
 
 Whojwore before men, and in confequence dfd. 
 
 He faid, that in INDIA, great men had a pleafure, 
 
 In making fine Ladies, depqfits of treafure ; 
 
 That the principal part of their riches were kept 
 
 By thofe Ladies, with whom they moll frequeutly flept : 
 
 You'll remember, perhaps, that when HASTINGS af- 
 
 lerted 
 
 fhat cujlom* by EDMUND 'twas much controverted; 
 This, however, is nothing -for BURKE when he tries, 
 With equal facility proves ana denies. 
 Now EDMUND impaffion'd perfifts in declaring, 
 His indifference as to her Ladyfhip's fwearing; 
 That as long as life lafted, he never would fail 
 Tojlick to the Lady, a.n&jlandby her tale. 
 Here my Aunt' 's virgin modefty fuffer'd ajkock, 
 By fuppofing that BURKE meant the tail of hcrfmock; 
 And away from the HALL the prim virgin had fled, 
 If I had not explain'4 what the MANAGER faid : 
 
 * See Mr,,Burke's Speeches laft year, and Mr. Sheridan's. 
 
 Mz But
 
 t 164 ] 
 
 But as foon as his meaning was well underftood; 
 
 She acknowledg'd that BURKE was exceedingly good. 
 
 And obferv'd that 'twas fomething uncommon to find, 
 
 In political men fuch a liberal mind ; 
 
 And to women in years fo attentive and kind. 
 
 To proceed BURKE declares, that the MANAGERS 
 
 mean, 
 
 To keep their own confciences eafy and clean ; 
 " We offer good proof if your LORDSHIPS reject it, 
 " All the fin is your own, and I'd have you expect it. 
 " J Tis owing to you, and 'twill ne'er be forgotten, 
 " That the firmament pillars are perifh'd and rotten." 
 At thefe words, my Aunt's vifage difcover'd her fears, 
 Left the firmament tumbling, mou'd fall on her ears. 
 But EDMUND, involv'd in a mift of dark vapours, 
 At this universal rejection of papers, 
 Conceiv'd in his mind a moft intricate plot, 
 To make out his proof from the conduct of SCOTT : 
 Eftablifhing firmly a new orthodoxy, 
 That a man may confifs HIMSELF guilty by proxy ; 
 And indeed, I mult own, 'tis an excellent way, 
 Of making the Agent his MASTER betray. 
 This fail'd and by way of retrieving his lofs, 
 BURKE adverts to the faying of RAJAH GOURDOSS > 
 But this, like the reft, by the COUNSEL difputed, 
 Is repell'd as unworthy of being refuted. 
 
 f. Then
 
 [ i6$ 3 
 
 Then EDMUND, to beat legal arguments down, 
 Made curious remarks on a COUNSELLOR'S m': 
 Whence I learnt that a&fcarlet makes OFFICERS brave, 
 A COUNSELLOR'S^^';* makes a Counfellor grave : 
 And I think from their making their perukes fo big, 
 Legal knowledge is chiefly contain 1 d In the wig ; 
 For very wife people are free to confefs, 
 Human character chiefly depends upon drefs. 
 Jufthere, 'twas difcover'd, that EDMUND the arch. 
 Upon HASTINGS'S army was ftealing a march ; 
 But as rather too foon his intention was found, 
 The vigilant foe drove him back to his ground. 
 You muft know, near the clofe of this tedious debate, 
 Where my HERO fo frequently fuffer'd defeat, 
 The term of ' ( Prepofterous" EDMUND apply'd, 
 In a way to the LORDS as affected their pride 
 But whilft they confulted and talk'd of adjourning, 
 My HERO bethought him of twifting and turning : 
 He loudly demanded their LORDSHIPS wou'd ftay, 
 Juft to hear him adroitly explain it away; 
 He faid, what he deem'd aprepqfterous parf, 
 Was putting the cart-horfes after the cart. 
 And as BURKE feem'd to fpeak with fome marks of 
 
 fubmiflion, 
 Their LORDSHIPS accepted of this definition : 
 
 M 3 Con-
 
 [ 1-66 ] 
 
 Concluding, perhaps, that he bed could define, 
 
 The true meaning of fayings, fo much in bis line. 
 
 I obferv'd in cne part of my HERO'S Oration, 
 
 He was fuddenly ftruck with profound veneration, 
 
 For the COMPANY'S Books : and I heard with furprize, 
 
 fbefe veridical Records can never tell lies : 
 
 And where he could get nothing fairer or better, 
 
 He would even put up with ajketch for a letter, 
 
 I obferv'd before EDMUND had clos'd the debate, 
 
 There was fcarcely a Manager left in his feat. 
 
 Some reafons induc'd all the CHIEFS to withdraw, 
 
 And they left BURKE to fight DALLAS, PLOMER, and 
 
 LAW : 
 
 So when HECTOR compell'd all the Grecians to yield, 
 Old NESTOR alone flood difputing the field. 
 At length, BURKE with pleading was deeply oppreft, 
 So he begg'd to adjourn that his tongue might have reji. 
 But as I'm in the humour for fcribbling away, 
 I'll now give a iketchof what pafs-'d the next day. 
 
 You mud know, that BURKE wanted to fee the In- 
 
 ftrudion, 
 
 From HASTINGS to SCOTT, fo he mov'd its production : 
 When the COURT was alTembled, he fpoke for two 
 
 Hours, / 
 
 About Major SCOTT, and his general powers : 
 
 3 He
 
 C 167 3 
 
 He defcrib'd them as having unbounded dimenjion, 
 
 Whilft the COUNSEL deny'd this uncommon extenfion : 
 
 A whifper, mean time, round the GALLERY ran, 
 
 " Winch is he ?" and " Where is this powerful man . ? " 
 
 Now EDMUND proceeds with examining SCOTT, 
 
 Concerning what powers, he bad, and bad not : 
 
 But SCOTT, who is fond of beginning de no-vo 9 
 
 And tracing the growth of his Chicken ab ovo, 
 
 Began a long fpeech, and went on to relate, 
 
 Some things which my CHIEF did not want him tojlatt; 
 
 And unable to judge what he farther might fay, 
 
 'Bu&KEfeem'a'in a hurry to fend him away, 
 
 So he left unfulfilTd THAT repeated prediction, 
 
 'That HASTINGS, to SCOTT, foouldowe certain conviction.* 
 
 In the courfe of this day, an immortal commander, 
 Difputed with LAW, on the meaning ofjlander. 
 You remember the COMMONERS oncedifavow'd, 
 Some things which th Orator utter'd aloud. 
 LAW thinks an accufer, that cannot fupport 
 His, Charges, with evidence given in COURT, 
 Is guilty of SLANDER but EDMUND and Fox, 
 In. concert with all the loud tongues in the box, 
 Say, falfe accufation deferves no fuch name, 
 Till the HOUSE of St. Stephen pronounce it the fame. 
 
 * See Mr. Burke's Letter to Mr. Montague. 
 
 M 4 Here
 
 C i63 ] 
 
 Here this letter ends : but expeft, my dear Brother, 
 As fpon as I've matter, I'll fend you another : 
 But my AUNT BRIDGET fays, left her nephew forget 
 
 . her, 
 She too has fome thoughts of tranfmitting a Letter, 
 
 June j 7th, 1789, 
 
 LET-
 
 LETTER XXXII. 
 
 , BROTHER ! Oh, BROTHER! I'm deeply diftreft, 
 My mind is a bl'ifter, a ftranger to reft : 
 I have fad news to give you, but when you receive it, 
 'Tis impoffible, SIMON, that you Jhould believe it. 
 At St. STEPHEN'S, lad Tucfday, BURKE fpoke of an 
 
 order, 
 
 To turn SIMKIN out othispoft of RECORDER : 
 Oh ! where is that promife, made many months fmce, 
 That I mould be Laureat, one day, to the PRINCE ? 
 Alas ! all my hopes from His HIGHNESS are fled ! 
 Ah ! why did I truft what an ORATOR faid? 
 The praifes of EMUND, ah ! why did I fing, 
 And offend, for his fake, both the QUEEN and the KING ? 
 But what adds to my forrow, beyond all expreffion, 
 (I am cover'd with mame while I make this confeflion) 
 Is, that EDMUND, becoming my critical foe, 
 Has declar'd that my ftile " is exceedingly low ;" 
 That faffs are mijlated, offer t ions untrue, 
 That I gave him not HALF ofthepraife, which 'is due. 
 He's afraid that good people, who live at a diftance, 
 Who read not the HERALD, and draw no affiftance, 
 
 From
 
 i 
 
 f '70 3 
 
 ch kind of prints, which diurnally paint, 
 BURKE'S party as cherubs, and BURKE as a Saint, 
 From reading my letters, may look on the Heroes, 
 As ^hrafomcal Bldcks,or tyrannical NEROES. 
 And this, notwithstanding, I vow and proteft, 
 I have always endeavour'd at doing my beft. 
 If the MANAGERS' fpeeches feem not very good, 
 I will fwear, I detail'd them as well as I cou'd. 
 But he wifhes the PRESS to be under fubjeRlon, 
 And publifli no Speeches without his infpection, 
 And when they require it bis learned correction. 
 BURKE fays, that the lying, iniquitous WORLD, * 
 For its manifold fins, mould be " SMITTEN and HURL'D." 
 He, who open'd a College for bowing and capers, 
 Would the COMMONS inftrucl in the HURLING of Pa- 
 pers : 
 
 He, who formerly thought it an innocent thing 
 In J UN i us and others, to libel the KING, 
 Now holds it the greatell of fcandalizations, 
 For the WORLD to profane his vxnfacna orations : 
 He, who formerly held that a Law Profecution 
 For a Li BEL, would ruin ngood CONSTITUTION, 
 Is willing that SIMKIN mould now undergo it, 
 For being a " low, an inelegant Poet." 
 
 * The daily Paper in which thefe Letters originally appeared. 
 
 Oh,
 
 [ 1-7* ] 
 
 Oh, BROTHER ! we innocent natives of WALES 
 
 Are too often milled by infidious tales ; 
 
 I have heard that a DUCHESS, remark'd for her tafte, 
 
 And, that ROYALTY alfo, fome minutes would wafte, 
 
 In reading my LETTERS, and us'd to admit, 
 
 That I wrote with fidelity, hurruour, and wit. 
 
 The DUCHESS aflerted, that EDMUND'syz^//;^, 
 
 Appearing in SIMKIN'S fantaftical rhime, 
 
 Becomes fuch a happy, fortuitous texture, 
 
 Thatitoughttobechriflen'd, //^BEAUTIFUL MIXTURE* 
 
 But now, as the CHIEF has his Poet rejected, 
 
 A DUCHESS'S tafte may be juftly fufpeded : 
 
 But I've fomething to tell you, a hundred times worfe, 
 
 BURKE wants to attack both myperfcn, and purfe. 
 
 Tho' he ne'er gave in money, fo much as a penny, 
 
 To his Poet, whofe verfes, you know, have been many. 
 
 It feems, if the HOUSE would concur in the plot, 
 
 He would take the loft FARTHING poor SIMKIN has 
 
 got. 
 
 In all other cafes, except this of mine, 
 'Twere dang'rous, BURKE thinks, to proceed in that line : 
 Were an infolent fenator guilty of treafon, 
 An ATTACHMENT would not be confident with reafon ; 
 But becaufe his own Poet, in BURKE'S eftimation, 
 Has not drefs'd to his liking, for once, an oration, 
 
 He
 
 [ 17* ] 
 
 He would turn the DELINQUENT now out of employ- 
 ment, 
 
 And ftrip him of fortune, and ev'ry enjoyment. 
 Oh, BROTHER ! how cruel, how hard is the fate 
 Of thofe who rely on the words of the GREAT I 
 
 But now your attention, 'tis fit I recall 
 To the bus'nefs of Wedn'fday at WESTMINSTER 
 
 HALL. 
 The HOUSE met : and the CHANCELLOR faid, " 'twas 
 
 " agreed 
 
 * That the MANAGERS be not permitted to read 
 " MUNNY BEGUM *$eptftle :" Then EDMUND declared, 
 Tho' their LORDSHIPS decifion he always rever'd, 
 He muft, notwithftanding, beg leave to remark, 
 That their PRINCIPLES hitherto were in the dark:, 
 " And unlefs for new lights we have reafon to hope, 
 " In darknefs it muft be our fortune to grope.' v 
 Now EDMUND, with fervour, their LORDSHIPS ad~ 
 
 monifh'd 
 
 Of the dangers attending Men's being ajloni/frd, 
 At the wond'rous decifion, which reafon confounds, 
 Being built, as BURKE thinks, upon technical grounds. 
 " Howe'er, I muft yield to your determination, 
 " Tho' it humbles the MANAGERS, COMMONS, and 
 
 *< NATION. 
 
 " Bu?
 
 ce But left as I am, without light to conduct me, 
 
 " While your LORDSHIPS feem not much inclin'd to in- 
 
 " ftrud me, 
 
 il May I venture to guefs, that you would not allow it, 
 " Becaufe MAJOR SCOTT did not choofe to avow it ? 
 " DISAVOWALS, my LORDS, are form'd into a fyftem, 
 s< And as far as we're able, we ought to refift 'em." 
 As my HERO was fpeaking, I could not help thinking, 
 That he rather was faving that fyjlem from Jinking. 
 For the fpeeches my ORATOR utter'd aloud, 
 As recorded by me, HE has fince difavozv'd. 
 Nay, the MANAGERS all difavow and deteft, 
 Their own children, becaufe they are fhabbily dreft. 
 To return EDMUND failing in this lad attack, 
 To RAJAH GOURDOS'S he precipitates back ; 
 And here a new queftion arofe to be dated, 
 Which by Fox and the COUNSEL was warmly debated: 
 The fubject., I cannot precifely fay what, 
 But 'twas whether fome action was kindnefs, or not f 
 Some OfBce, conferr'd to oblige the NABOB, 
 Which EDMUND fufpecls was corruption and job. 
 After ARGUMENTATION, at half after two, 
 To confidsr the quejlion, their LORDSHIPS withdrew. 
 And while fae grave Peers BURKE is driving about, 
 J Tis pleafant to fee them go in and go out : 
 
 But
 
 [ 174 ] 
 
 But befor^ my dear SIMON, I bid you adieu, 
 
 I muft tell you that nothing that EDMUND can do, 
 
 Shall ever prevent me from ivriting to you. 
 
 Not HOMER, who fung of ACHILLES andfgbting, 
 
 Had more pleafure than me in heroical writing ; 
 
 A fubjeft, like BURKE, I can't think of forfaking, 
 
 But muft keep him in mind, whether Jleeping or waking ; 
 
 Howe'er, for the prefent, my writing I'll end, 
 
 And to-morrow AUNT BRIDGET a letter will fend. 
 
 June 24th, 1789. 
 
 LET
 
 C 175 3 
 
 LETTER XXXIII. 
 AUNT BRIDGET TO HER SISTER MARGARET, 
 
 MOTHER OF 
 SIM KIN AND SIMON. 
 
 JVlT dear Sijler MAGGY, this latter I write, 
 
 To remind you of one that is out of your fight ; 
 
 But having no pleafanter tales to relate, 
 
 Like SIM KIN, I'll write about matters of Jiale. 
 
 You miift know, that as SIMKIN would take np <Jer 
 
 nial, 
 
 I lately went with him to HASTINGS'S Trial; 
 And indeed, I muft own, I was highly delighted, 
 Without, as before, being dreadfully frighted : 
 You have oft heard me fay, I fhould never forgive, 
 'The ORATOR, EDMUND, as fong as I live : 
 I thought him a wretch, of ideas unclean, 
 Of libidinous fancy, and language obfcene ; 
 If I heard any perfon but mention his name, 
 The remembaance of Cantemar, fill'd me with lhame : 
 That wicked y^ung fellow, whofe Mother's delight 
 Was to lead to his chamber a Virgin each night.
 
 C 176 ] 
 
 Howe'er, my dear MAGGY, the lad day I went, 
 
 Great part of the time was agreeably fpent ; 
 
 But what above all did my wonder engage, 
 
 Is EDMUND'S attention to Ladles in AGE. 
 
 Ev'ry man that you meet with, makes ufe of his tongue^ 
 
 In praife and behalf of a LADY that* s young ; 
 
 But EDMUND, than others more generous and bold, 
 
 Is fond of protecting, the DAMES that are old. 
 
 Oh ! when EDMUND dies, how the Ladies will mifs 
 
 him, 
 
 And I think, while he lives, the old ivomen JJwuld kifs him ! 
 He has made an impreffion fo deep on my bread, 
 That if his OLD WOMAN were fettled at reft, 
 And BURKE were to offer, I could not withftand, 
 The temptation of taking him///? by the hand, 
 And as his finances are not very great, 
 He might like to partake of bis BRIDGET'S ejlate. 
 How often together we'd walk on the mountains, 
 Sit down on the rocks, and drink out of the fountains ! 
 There EDMUND would make a moil elegant farmer, 
 And at times make ORATIONS to me, as his charmer : 
 Oh ! how the Welch Squires after dinner would fit, 
 And admire, like the bottle, the ORATOR'S wit. 
 
 When EDMUND is fpeaking, my foul fo rejoices, 
 In the accent attending that fweeteit of voices ; 
 
 it
 
 C 77 ] 
 
 ft puts nle in mind of that good natur'd Paddy, 
 Who liv*d as a footman, you know, 'with our Daddy, 
 And us'd to divert us with comical fcenes, 
 When yon and I, MARGARET, were in our teens. 
 
 When the LORDS were aflembled, and BURKE began 
 
 fpeaking, 
 
 J obferv'd many NOBLES with laughter were fliaking; 
 For fo pleafant is he, that he cannot tc fateague 'em," 
 Tho' hefpokefora twelvemonth concerning " 
 
 " GUM."* 
 
 But I am notlefs charm 'd with the 
 
 Whofe fize and appearance make promife of vigour. 
 
 Tho' fome people fay, that this is not a truth, 
 
 For his power, like zferpent's, ail lies in his mouth $ 
 
 But be this as it may, all the cafli in my purfe, 
 
 I would give to poiTefs him, " for better and worfe." 
 
 1 now have to add, when their LORDSHIP s adjourn'd, 
 To LILLY LLANSTUFFIN'S your fifler returned; 
 There I found Mrs. WELLS, who, for new imitations, 
 Might challenge with fafety #// COUNTRIES, and NA- 
 TIONS. 
 
 ~ We fuppofe AUVT BRIDGET is in love with BURKE*S method of 
 pronouncing the word Begum. 
 
 N With
 
 C 178 1 
 
 With rcferhblance furprifmg, (he imitates all . 
 The SPEAKERS that figure in WESTMINSTER HALL. 
 When like Fox I obferve her with vehemence fpeak^ 
 She has got to the life his rat-tat and his fqueak. 
 When (lie imitates EDMUND, the Irijhmarfs tone, 
 Isfo like, that you'd fvvear 'twas the ORATOR'S orjon\ 
 To his mode of pronouncing furprilingly true, 
 When (he fpeaks of the BHEAGUM, and CANTA-BAH 
 
 BHOO; 
 
 And when (he's repeating what ANSTRUTHER faid, 
 You have SATURN before you, the father of lead. 
 Then all of a fudden (he changes the play, 
 And (hews her white teeth as politely as GREY. 
 When reading, like ERSKINE, (he rifes and drops, 
 And is equally careful in minding her (lops : 
 There is not one fpeaker, as far as I find, 
 Save only the Clerk, who can leave her behind : 
 But what will furprife you ftill more than the reft, 
 And I folemnly tell you it is not a jeft 
 She wrote twenty lineSy and I ftood by the while, 
 Exadly in SIMKIN'S own manner and (lyle : 
 And as Si MK IN acknowledg'd he could not write better. 
 He dole them to fill up a fpace in his Letter. 
 The people who heard her, are led to fuppofe, 
 That as foon as the Trial (hali draw to a elofe, 
 
 Shell,
 
 I '79 ] 
 
 She'll exhibit her CHARACTERS all on the ftage 
 Where fhe never can fail to amufe, and engage. 
 One proof of her merit muft all people ftrike, 
 Which is, vulgar papers exprefs their dijlike. 
 Till CHARACTER rifes in fame and renown, 
 ENVY'S never employ 1 d in the pulling it down.- 
 And now, my Dear MAGGY, no more will I write, 
 As I'm going to RANELAGH this very night. 
 
 BRIDGET. 
 
 June i9th, 1715. 
 
 N 2. LET-
 
 E '*Q 3 
 
 LETTER xxxiv. 
 
 JL/AST WEDNESDAY, dear BROTHER, I went to trie 
 
 HALL, 
 
 But as matters turn'd out r for juft nothing at all. 
 For indeed, you muft know, in the fcriptural way, 
 *' The beginning and end made the whole of the day." 
 But fome metaphyfical People pretend, 
 That it had no beginning, and yet had an END. 
 This point I muft leave to your EDMUNDS j and FOXES* 
 Who can eafily make, and expound paradoxes. 
 To fpeak in plain terms, it came out as expected, 
 That the evidence offer'd was alfo rejected. 
 Then a motion was made by a dignify* d PEER, 
 That the JUDGES of ENGLAND be afk'd to declare, 
 From what principle or what conjlruft'wn of LAW, 
 This decided opinion they learnedly draw ? 
 That moment the CHANCELLOR mov'd to adjourn, 
 And back to their CHAMBER, their LORDSHIPS return, 
 'Twas expected that BURKE would have made an attack, 
 But the LORDS, for fome caufe, did not ehoofe to come 
 
 back: 
 
 Perhaps being, weary of bowing and fcraping, 
 They feiz'd the occafion at once of efcaping ; 
 
 Z But
 
 C '81 ] 
 
 But BURKE means it well as a Cure for the GOUT, 
 
 And makes them as Phvjlc go in and go out. 
 
 But thofe LORDS, \vho like BURKE, are ambitious ol 
 
 foaring, 
 
 And of heights uriattain'd have a zeal for exploring, 
 Or wiftl for a ride in LUNARDI'S Balloon , 
 To vifit the man who inhabits the Moon : 
 Thofe LORDS to whofejot fuch high qualities fall, 
 Like me, have their BONUM, in WESTMINSTER HALL* 
 But to ill evv you, dear SIMON, in what eftimation 
 All claiTes of people hold EDMUND'S oration; 
 To what Countries far diftant, his glory is fpread, 
 Wherever the WORLD and my Letters are read 
 From DUBLIN, dedt PUBLIN, ten Citizens came, 
 From WAf ERFORD fix, CARRICKFERGUS the fa.me, 
 From LiMERicKfeven, and nearly as many 
 From the town and the country furrounding KILKENNY ; 
 From the Highlands of SCOTLAND the Lairds and the 
 
 thanes, 
 
 From SKY the M'DoNALDSjfrom MULL the M'LEANS, 
 Are expected in town in the courfe of the week 
 For once in their lives to hear eloquence fpeak. 
 The Gallery tickets fo rife in demand, 
 And promifes given fo long beforehand, 
 That Wednefday, Mifs BRIDGET, our delicate Aunt, 
 For want of a ticket, was ftopt in her jaunt : 
 
 N 3 She,
 
 C 18* ] 
 
 She, who long was accuftom'd to purr like a CAT, 
 To find fault with this to be angry with that, 
 Is now fo affected, fo fmitten with love, 
 ThatyZtf cooes to herfelf, like a mate-feeking dove. 
 Whether waking or fleeping, or fitting or walking, 
 Of BURKE and IMPEACHMENTS, {he's conftantly talk- 
 
 ing. 
 
 And it is my opinion, I give you my honor- 
 She will die, unlefs EDMUND has pity upon her. 
 
 The Gallery Strangers, who came from afar, 
 Who had never heard EDMUND declaim at the BAR ; 
 Whofe minds were inflated with high expectation, 
 Of hearing the ORATOR make an oration; 
 With faces extended, with grief, and with fhame, 
 All went to their lodgings, as wife as they came. 
 I confol'd them by faying, they need not be vex'd, 
 For BURKE would harangue us at Meeting the next. 
 And after by accident refting fo long, 
 His fancy and tongue, would be lively and ftrong ; 
 And CHARLES, who has ftudy'd each Species and 
 
 Genus, 
 
 Of Laws in the Courts, and the Temple of VENUS ; 
 And SHERIDAN too, it is thought will unbridle, 
 Or tbefll lofe all their fame by remaining fo idle. 
 
 And
 
 f 183 ] 
 
 And 'tis alfo expefted, that ERSKINE and GREY, 
 As Readers, or Speakers, will figure away ; 
 For great is the taik they have taken in hand, 
 To throw on its hack all the LAW of the LAND. 
 
 And now, my dear SIMON, I hope you'll excufe, 
 My dullnefs this time, if I fail to amufe ; 
 The LADY who formerly us'd to affift, 
 To recal to my mind, any point that I mifs'd ; 
 To whofe good understanding, found judgement, and 
 
 tafte, 
 
 I fubmitted the lines which I fcribbled in hafte ; 
 Who expung'd all the parts me conlider'd unfit, 
 And the places fupply'd from the ftores of her wit, 
 To CHELTENHAM has fled! 
 
 o 
 
 nation, "J 
 T I 
 
 And farther, ftill farther I am told (he is going, 
 Impell'd, I fufpect, by th' ambition of mowing 
 To MAJESTY, which from the height of its nation, 
 From EDMUND and Fox never heard an oration, 
 Their mode of declaiming in her IMITATION 
 For the MONARCH himfelf, 'tis on all fides allow'id, 
 Of fubjecls like them, may with reafon be proud ; 
 ROME boafted of TITLLY DEMOSTHENES, GREECE; 
 But which of thofe Orators left us a piece 
 Of eloquence equal to EDMUND, or Fox, 
 When they fport their dark brows in the MANAGERS' 
 Sox f N 4 As
 
 r 184 i 
 
 As of coming to town it may anfwer the end 
 From your mountain fublime I would have you defcend, 
 And fee Mrs. WELLS, who will give you your Brother, 
 So like, that you fcarce will know one, from the OTHER* 
 
 And now, my dear SIMON, I bid you- adieu, 
 Till EDMUND finds matter for writing to. you 
 
 July 6% 1789, 
 
 LET-
 
 LETTER XXXV.* 
 FROM S II E N K I N IN WALES, 
 
 TO HIS 
 
 COUSIN SIMKIN IN LONDO^V. 
 
 JYlY DEAR COUSIN SIMKIN, your kindred in 
 
 WALES 
 
 Are quite overcome with your excellent tales ; 
 Which have work'd like a charm on your family here, 
 And we meet twice a week, who fcarce met twice a year. 
 All the toils, all the pleafures of life at a ftand, 
 Till SIM KIN'S expefttd addrefs comes to hand; 
 And proud to partake your poetical flame, 
 We drive to exhibit a fpark of the fame. 
 There's SIMON fits rhyming from morning till night, 
 Who mjhooti*g t and courjlng, once plac'dhis delight; 
 Nay, even your AUNT, hasher (hare of your vein, 
 And has teem'd with a. fioeet little brat of the brain. 
 So this mull account and atone for my fcrawl ; 
 Since your friends are grown Poets, Aunt BRIDGET^ and 
 
 all. 
 
 * This Letter was by another harfd, as were fome few others.
 
 C 186 1 
 
 Dear Coz, now I've once broke the ice in my way, 
 I hope you'll excufe what I'm going to fay : 
 I, whenever faw LONDON, nor LON DON'S grange folks, 
 May well be fuppofed, a fit dupe for your jokes ; 
 But the devil mall take me, if e'er I could credit, 
 One half what you write, tho' an angel had/aid it. 
 Forgive me, dear SIMKIN, altho' at this diftance, 
 I prefume not to queftion the TRIAL'S exiftence : 
 (The trial of one WARREN HASTINGS, Jmean, 
 Sakl to come back from INDIA, with hands not too clean.) 
 Yet the out-line is all I conceive to be true ; 
 It's fantaitical fliade I attribute to you. 
 I applaud both your parts and your courage, dear 
 
 COUSIN, 
 
 Thus tvftand by a man, when attacked by two DOZEN. 
 But furely you write for the PILL'RY or STOCKS, 
 When you handle fuch names, as BURKE, ADAM, and 
 
 Fox ; 
 
 And venture ereding your batt'ry, point blank, 
 At Chiefs of fuch high, SENATORIAL rank. 
 Our choiceft, bed patriots, you fhrink not to paint, 
 Like DEVILS combin'd to demolim a SAINT ; 
 And their leader for SATAN'S own figure might fit, 
 Jf he bad but LESS malice, and ten times MORE wit. 
 
 Laft
 
 [ i7 3 
 
 Laftyear, when you told us the ORATOR took, 
 That beaftly quotation from CANTEMAR'S book, 
 Your fancy, I thought, like a high-mettled horfe, 
 Hadjoftled your judgement cjuite out of the courfe : 
 For a brute, ill-condition'd enough, to make fport 
 On fuch a grave caufe, in fo fokmn a court, 
 With grofleft obfcenities tainting the ears, 
 Of LADIES, and JUDGES, and BISHOPS, and PEERS, 
 Muft deferve from all human abodes t : o lye hurVd, 
 Scoff' d, hujtt'd, hifs'd, thump' d, and kick' d out of the WORLD- 
 This flory I therefore conclude is a creature, 
 Merely hatched in your brain, to embellifo your metre. 
 
 All your letters have lately been fill'd with frefli crofies, 
 Attending this Antediluvian Procefs : 
 How often the MANAGERS play the {tale game, 
 Of dif miffing the AUDIENCE as wife as it came; * 
 While their LORDSHIPS come in then go out then come in 9 
 Likepupplts, ere PUNCH Is- prepared to begin. 
 From BURKE thefublime, to ANSTRUTHER and GREY, 
 YOU give ev'ry one a fmart lafli in you way, 
 That they'd readily palm, any papers they found, 
 For evidence legal, fubftantial, and found ; 
 
 * Mr. BURKP fent the LORDS/A- //;, from Weftminfter Hall, to 
 the Chamber of Parliament, upon tie fame queftion. 
 
 i And
 
 C '88 3 
 
 And protett in a huff, if a doubt crofs their words, 
 
 As if any trajh might fuffice for the LORDS. 
 
 3 Tis but lately you broach'd, with mifchievous intention^ 
 
 A fcandalous tale of your own, vile invention ; 
 
 That your HERO, of loofe and incontinent tongue, 
 
 Jrlad been fnuWd by the COMMONS for language toa 
 
 ftrong. 
 
 If a MANAGER thus fhould be//^Vy /<?Hot f $E, 
 His word is no more worth " three fljps of a loufe*" * 
 And I ne'er can believe that fuch infatuation, 
 Could feize all the wifeft, beft heads in the nation, 
 As to liften with pleafure, ox liflen at all, 
 To whataj^y^V MANAGER fays in the HALL. 
 
 In fhort, my dear SIMKIN, I can but admit, 
 Your letters mod choice, both in metre and wit, 
 But beware, left that fad inclination to lye, 
 Bring you living to jail, and to HELL when you die. 
 Retreat then in time from the path you have chofen, 
 Is th* advice of your friend and affectionate COUSIN. 
 
 SHENKIN, 
 
 July *d, 1789. 
 * See Mr. BURKE'S fpcech on the Regency Bill, in January. 
 
 LET-,
 
 t 189 3 
 
 LETTER XXXVI. 
 
 JL OU REMEMBER, fear Brother, my ftating to yet*. 
 The queftion on which the Tribunal withdrew ; 
 They on fomething refolv'd, tho' I cannot fay what, *J 
 As when the Court met, they difcover'd it not; 
 But 'twas hinted to me, they fufpefted a PLOT. 
 For knowing that EDMUND is arch and defigning, 
 A good pioneer, and converfant in mining^ 
 'Twas concluded, that if they clifclos'd the foundation, 
 He would blow up at once, all tbe LAW in the nation. 
 When tie LORDS were affembled, Fox rofe up to 
 
 plague 'em 
 With GORING'S EpiJIle, and one from " BURKE'S 
 
 " Bbeagum?' 
 
 Which, as they were publicly printed, he faid> 
 for their LORDSHIPS' Appendix, they ought to be read; 
 teut HASTINGS'S Counfel, an argument drew, 
 To prove printing a paper, can't render // TRUE. 
 Fox anfwer'd cc The COUNSEL mud yield to their fate, 
 " For indeed they have made their objections too late ; 
 *' And as they had read the faid Paper before, 
 " There could be no harm if they read it once more.'' 1 
 
 That
 
 t 19 ] 
 
 That it ever was read, the learn' & COUNSEL deny'd, 
 
 It was ENTER'd as READ, their OPPONENT reply'd; 
 
 Who refted his cafe on this argument fole, 
 
 That reading a part, miift be reading the WHOLE ; 
 
 And of error the MANAGERS try'd to convid 'em, 
 
 By praifmg and quoting the CHANCELLOR'S dittum. 
 
 Then EDMUND, who conftantly loves to regale 
 
 The ears of the COURT, with a ludicrous tale, 
 
 Inform'd us, at length of the perils and dangers, 
 
 Which may happen at VENICE, to ignorant Jlrangers. 
 
 He told us of one, who the STATE reprehended, 
 
 And another who highly extoll'd, and defended; 
 
 " BOTH of whom, by the SENATE of VENICE were hung, 
 
 " For unjuftifiable licence of tongue* 
 
 " One was hang'd for making a verbal attack^ 
 
 " The other for whitening, what never was black. 
 
 " To the CHANCELLOR only then let it belong, 
 
 " To difprove that his dodrine deliver'd was wrong.'* 
 
 After many difputes, and long trials to ftate, 
 
 The queftions the LORDS were about to debate ; 
 
 And Fox had exprefs'd his pathetical fears, 
 
 That fimpllclty might be diflik'd by the PEERS ; 
 
 Their LORDSHIPS again had the honour of {howing, 
 
 "Their graceful deportment, in COMING and GOING. 
 
 They return'd with an anfwer WE did not expect, 
 
 " Ti:at the MANAGERS^/ xox been very cornel ;
 
 t '9' ] 
 
 " That the Orator CHARLES had improperly faid, 
 
 " That the LETTER O/GORING was ENTER'D as READ ! 
 
 Then CHARLES, who is feldom or ne'er at a lofs 
 
 When the dice run again/I him, or FORTUNE is crofs, 
 Another expedient immediately found, 
 And offer'd the letter on quite a new ground. 
 He faid, as their LORDSHIPS before had confented 
 " This letter ftiou'd in the Appendix be printed : 
 " THEY, at any time after, were bound to receive it, 
 " And, being in print , they of courfe MUST believe it." 
 Inanfwer to CHARLEY, LORD CAMDEN remarks*. 
 That the printing was merely an aft of the CLERKS ; 
 To the printing the MANAGERS mould not refort, 
 Unlefs they could PROVE it, an atl of the COURT. 
 Then CHARLEY lamented, with tears in his eyes. 
 That he, a poor Commoner, was not fo wife, 
 That he could not difcover, whilft left in the dark. 
 The aft of the HOUSE from the aft of the CLERK : 
 The Doftrine of Evidence, then he diflected, 
 Shewing what fhou'd be taken, and what be rejected. 
 Here EDMUND broke forth, in his violent way, 
 Like a mountain parturient, he laboured to fay, 
 " That an Epilogue is the hejl part of a play ;" 
 That the Epilogue fhow'd, (which their LORDSHIPS had 
 
 made) 
 That as writers of Plays, they were young in the trade : 
 
 I fym-
 
 L 9* 1 
 
 I fympathiz/d with him, when BURKE was complaining, 
 That the epilogue was not at all entertaining. 
 
 II If ii will nor, (ays he, ferve the end of accvfng 9 
 " I'm fure there is nothing in't very amufing ; 
 
 " It has neither the beautiful nor they "Kb':' 
 
 " And the reading thereof is profuflon of time," 
 
 Here BURKE (economical, fad ly regrets 
 
 The enormous kcreafe of our National Debts ; 
 
 And frightened to death, left the empire mould lin>, 
 
 By their LORDSHIPS profujion of paper and ink. 
 
 *Tis expected hereafter, in fome of his bills, 
 
 He will limit the PEERS, in their paper and quills. 
 
 Nor wifl this bethought fnch a comical thing, 
 
 When we think of his conduct rtfpscllng il:e KING ; 
 
 The man whom (Economy urged to withftand, 
 
 T\\c grant of a lemony for MAJESTY'S /w/,\/, 
 
 With juftice and reafon may move for the ftinting, 
 
 TtJt'ir LORDSHIP'S expeftce in fi.iperfluous printing. 
 
 Now EDMUND obferves to the LORDS, he has done., 
 
 Excepting a word, and it fhould be but ONE ; 
 
 But, alas ! taciturnity** not in his pow'r, 
 
 For bis tongue tike a laru/n, ran more tban an hour. 
 
 In printing, he humbly conceiv'd the prevention, 
 
 Of reading the paper, was not their intention ; 
 
 And he hop'd that the COITRT, in its gravity, never, 
 
 Printed lhat which could anfvver no purpofe whatever. 
 
 That
 
 t "93 ] 
 
 That it was not like timber, which can't be employ'd, 
 
 In a (hip, or ahoufe, and fo may be deftroy'd. 
 
 The timber, he faid, which no artift can turn 
 
 To fome kind of building, 'twere proper to burn. 
 
 Here one of the NOBLES feem'd not to admire, 
 
 The compound idea, appendix, and/r?. 
 
 Then CHARLEY came forth, and his Leader defended' 
 
 By whom it appears no offence was intended. 
 
 This fettled their LORDSHIPS as ufual withdrew, 
 
 To debate on a queflion, that's perfectly new : 
 
 They returri'd, and the CHANCELLOR faid, 'twas agreed 
 
 That the MANAGERS, are not permitted to read. 
 
 Then EDMUND came forth, and began an oration, 
 
 With ofFring to Heav'n an ejaculation ; 
 
 Like a chaplain he pray'd, for tiax. for fatal light, 
 
 Which leads all tribunals to that which is right. 
 
 He faid, that although they oblig'd him to yield, 
 
 He very reluctantly quitted the field ; 
 
 That during the courfe of the prefent long trial, 
 
 He had never been mortify'd fo by denial. 
 
 Now EDMUND, although much deprefs'd by the vapours, 
 
 In evidence offer'd additional papers : 
 
 Then HASTINGS'S Counfel arofe, as expected, 
 
 Saying limilar proofs, have been: ofienrejetted. 
 
 But CHARLEY contended the MANAGERS mou'd, 
 
 Try all) and flick fafl to the thing which isg ood \ 
 
 O That
 
 [ 1 94 3 
 
 That as the faid MANAGERS eould not learn why 
 Their LORDSHIPS fo often are pleas'd to deny, 
 'Twas a duty incumbent to offer and try.r 
 And now, my dear- Brother, I lay down my pen, 
 And when I have matter, I'll write you again. 
 
 July 7th, I7 8 9 , 
 
 LET-
 
 C 195 3 
 
 LETTER XXXVII.*, 
 SHE N KIN IN WALES, 
 
 TO HIS 
 
 COUSIN SIMKIN IN LONDON. 
 
 JtLNOUGH enough Dear SIMKIN ! fpare a while 
 
 Thy reader's laughter, and thy hero's bile ! 
 
 Yet, yet avert the threat'ning ftorm that lowers, 
 
 Nor brave too rafhly Tribunitian powers ! 
 
 Shall he, whofe fame thy antifeptic rhymes, 
 
 Have fous'd and pickled for remoteft times, 
 
 All alkaline antipathy fupprefs, 
 
 And gulp with patience all the pungent mefs ? 
 
 What, are there no officious prompters near, 
 
 to ivhifper vengeance in his fmarting ear ? 
 
 No Managerial Brothers of the pack, 
 
 To bark and bounce, and bellow at lots back ? 
 
 O ! then, in time direft thy wayward way, 
 Where panegyric's foft'ring breezes play ; 
 
 * By another hand. 
 
 O 2 Low
 
 [ 196 ] 
 
 Low at IMPEACHMENT'S crimfon altar bow, 
 
 Where PEERS obfequious bend and well mafft thou. 
 
 That PRINCE, whom common tranfports could but cloy, 
 
 Who proffer'd millions for a new-found joy, 
 
 Now might at laft his unclaim'd gifts beftow 
 
 At conj'ring BURKE'S judicial raree-Jhow. 
 
 O ! could I hear him as he raves and foams, 
 
 To tempt deluded idlers from their homes ; 
 
 And (hews his living LORDS in robes fo fine, 
 
 Whik Salmon's Peers of wax unheeded pine ! 
 
 Could I partake for once the magic fport, 
 
 To wait ecftatic in an empty court, 
 
 While jaded nobles keep whole hours aloof, 
 
 And wince, and ft ar tie at illegal proof ! 
 
 If, then, fate urge thee headlong on to write, 
 Explain the myftery of this new delight : 
 Say, by what hocus pocus, SIMKIN, fay, 
 IMPEACHMENT reigns the fafhion of the day ? 
 Why on one object all its ftores employ ; 
 Has BURKE a patent for this new-found joy ? 
 Sole Arbiter Deliciarum he, 
 And Britain's juggler with exclufive plea ? 
 
 Nought but the Trial's wonders now prevail ; 
 The Trial's Records load our lagging mail. 
 
 Afk
 
 C '97 3 
 
 Afkapert LONDONER, " What news of late?" 
 
 ft BURKE, Sir, laft Thurfday was prodigious great. 
 
 <f A ilender phial's drippings now anoint 
 
 " His tongue, which erft was delug'd with a pint : 
 
 " To give the laft perfection to his note, 
 
 " 'Tis thought a thumb bottle muft wet his throat. 
 
 c With lemon too, he calms th'intrufive wheezing ; 
 
 <e His mouth all parch'd now fpeaking, and now 
 
 " fqueezing, 
 
 " Tis he amufes now alone the town ; 
 " GUIMARD is ftill the Op'ra-Houfe burnt down. 
 " No puffs of profit buoy the lank balloon : 
 " No BLANCHARD fpies Impeachment in the Moon. 
 " In vain, with painted effigy on high, 
 " A new Goliah courts each gazer's eye : 
 " The Tower's fierce Lions unattended roar; 
 " The flarv'd Stone-muncher dines on flints no more. 
 " Hufh'd are the gruntings of the Sapient fwine, 
 " Which throng'd Saloons once hail'd almoft divine : 
 " Poor PIG ! he dy'd, they fay, of mere defpair, 
 " His rival's triumphs were too much to bear." 
 
 SIM KIN, I burft, impatient to be taught, 
 What fums this grand difcovery has brought. 
 By all thy paft and prefent well-earn'd bays, 
 By all thy hopes of fifty more fucb days, 
 
 O 3 Ofay
 
 [ i 9 8 ] 
 
 O fay (nor think I mean thy {hare to rob) 
 Are thine the only profits of the job? 
 For thine is doubtiefs no mean niggard penfion, 
 Recording Laureat to this bleft invention. 
 Do purchased tickets, belles and beaux admit 
 At difFrent price, to Gall'ry, Box, and Pit ? 
 Or is all debt-reducing fyftem crofs'd, 
 To treat fpedators at the nation's coft. 
 
 Stands each Performer penfion'd by the week, 
 Puppets and all or only thofe that fqueak ? 
 Who (hare the fplendid pickings of the fliow ? 
 It's joint-exhibitors viz. BURKE and Co. ? 
 Or ferve the whole, as one prodigious fee, 
 A bonus for the grafping patentee ? 
 
 If thoti tnujl write be, SIMKIN, this thy toil, 
 Thou great Apollo of our Cambrian foil ! 
 So may adjournments, welcome f\veets, prolong 
 Thyhero's blifs, thy flipend, and thy fong ! 
 So BURKE and SIMKIN'S mutual aid fjipport, 
 The pall'd attention of th' infulted Court ! 
 So thy new FABIUS crufh (as well he may) 
 His much-enduring victim by delay f 
 
 July 9th, 1789. 
 
 LET.
 
 C 1 99 J 
 
 LETTER XXXVIII. 
 SIMKIN IK LONDON, 
 
 TO HIS 
 
 COUSIN SHENKIN IN WALES 
 
 JL/EAR SHENKIN, 'tis time you fhould now under- 
 
 ftand 
 
 That your letters, in order, came fafely to hand : 
 That if to the former I made no reply, 
 'Twas becaufe, indirectly, you gave me tke lye. 
 You, by way of a compliment, chofeto admit 
 That my letters were good as to bnmottr and wit ; 
 But whilft you allow'd that my verfe was amufing, 
 My credulous readers you thought me abufing. 
 The TRIAL'S exigence you grant, to be fure, 
 But the pifture, you faid, was a CARICATURE. 
 There's nothing, believe me, that SHENKIN can fay 
 No compliment fine, he can poffibly pay, 
 That can ever atone with a Native of Wales, 
 When his honour is wounded, by doubting his tales* 
 There is not at WESTMINSTER, even one PEER, 
 Among thofe to whom BURKE, and his party are dear 
 4 Who
 
 Who join him in other political acts, 
 But freely fubfcribes, to myjlatement of fafts. 
 And though it is true, that the facts I rehearfe, 
 Have a farcical mien, when reported to verfe, 
 You would fay, if you once heard my ekquent fpeaker, 
 The original 's flrong, but the pitture is weaker.* 
 
 You're ignorant, you fay, and I'm glad you avow it, 
 J Tis your only excufe, and I therefore allow it ; 
 You foolifhly balance in Juftice's fcales 
 A POLITICAL CHIEF, with your neighbours in WALES ; 
 But fince from the mountainjowr HIGHNESS came down, 
 And heard it confirm'd by the dwellers in town, 
 It feems, though you queilion'd your coufm's relation, 
 You implicitly credit zftranger's narration. 
 In your Second Epiftle, you pleafantly mention 
 A fuppofal that SIM KIN pojjejfes a penfon ; 
 My Letter to SIMON, you've furely forgot, 
 I faid and now fay it, " Indeed I have NOT." 
 To whom could I poffibly make the requeft, 
 The PRISONER'S half ruin'd, and deeply diftreft : 
 My Heroes tkemfelves are in general needy, 
 And.PiTT, as a Statefman, is fliockingly greedy : 
 
 * To the truth of this Obfervation, we are fure every Mart, 
 Woman and Child who has attended the Trial, will fubfcribe. 
 
 HE
 
 HE would tell me, perhaps, all the calh that he gets, 
 
 Will fcarcely fuffice for the national debts. 
 
 Nay, the counfel, if EDMUND could do well without 'em, 
 
 Such a mlfer is PITT, he'd be happy to rout 'em* 
 
 I grant, that I once, did indulge fuch a hope, 
 
 But my HERO now thinks me deferring a rope ; 
 
 The fpeeches he makes, in the moment of madnefs, 
 
 In his intervals lucid, afFeft him with fadnefs. 
 
 And when he is told they will injure his fame, 
 
 His Recorder is fure to come in for the blame. 
 
 Believe me, dear SHENKIN, I've no other ends 
 To anfwer, than barely amufement of Friends ; 
 And when from engagements I'm free and at leifure, 
 I vifit the HALL as a matter of pleafure : 
 But, from your laft letter, I cannot help thinking, 
 That prejudic'd men haveimpos'd upon SHENKIN; 
 For you write, my dear Friend, as if touch'd with com- 
 
 paffion, 
 
 A weaknefs (not Virtue) that's Much out of fajhion. 
 'Twas nothing but prejudice caus'd you to fay 
 That HASTINGS a victim muft fall to delay. 
 
 You are wrong and if now it were not out of feafon, 
 
 On the fubjecl before me to argue and reafon, 
 
 I could prove that a MAN, who his youth has expended 
 
 In ferving his countrv, who bravely defended, 
 
 All
 
 C * ] 
 
 Ail Indid in times of moft imminent dangers, 
 From ill-judging Colleagues, and qnarrelfome Jlr angers, 
 Should, when he can ferve us in no other way, 
 Amufe and divert us injlead of a play. 
 The high-po!i/tfd ATHENS, whene'er me beheld 
 A fubjeft, whofe zeal in her fervice excell'd 
 His equals f**\\\ti\ juftice that fubject EXPELL'D. 
 And that rrtode of treatment was certainly wife, 
 Howe'er it might feem in HUMANITY'S Eyes. 
 
 i 
 
 Yes, yes, my dear SHENKIN, there once was a time, 
 I ingratitude held a deteftable crime ; 
 Whenlfaw the diftrefs of a poor fellow-creature, 
 I us'd to give way to the feelings of nature. 
 But fmce I've convers'd with political HEROES, 
 Who are Tit USES often, more frequently NEROES, 
 I am fully convinc'd that in ev'ry condition, 
 We mould ftudy that only which ferves our AMBITION, 
 Or adds to our pleafure ; and her^ce I confefs, 
 I look on the whole as a contejl at CHESS. 
 When BCTRKE his game forward endeavours to bring, 
 LAW advances a. paw*, and gives check to his King; 
 BURKE covers his King, PLOMER inftantly fees 
 An advantage and, lo ! EDMUND'S Queen is en prife. 
 BURKE rallies his men, and prepares for the fight, 
 DALLAS whifpers a move, and BURKE lofes a Knight. 
 
 BURKE
 
 C "3 1 
 
 BUR KE fpeaks in a circle, it proves of no ute, 
 It fuggefts the idea of playing at goofs. 
 And hence inexhauftible pleafure I find, 
 Whilft a thoufand comparifons rife in my mind. 
 
 You fpeak of my chief, as of BRESLAW and JONAS, 
 Or zjlrange Patentee, and his grafping a Bonus. 
 You talk of expences, whereby it appears 
 The report of new taxes, has work'd on your fears : 
 But tell me what room there can be for complaining, 
 When the caufe of expences is fo entertaining ; 
 And tho' my dear SHENKIN mould never partake, 
 He ne'er mould begrudge, for his relative's fake, 
 
 To conclude With your numbers I'm really fmittcn, 
 But like not the fpirit in which they were written. 
 In Letter the Firft, you accufe me of trying, 
 To impofe on the weak with fantastical lying ; 
 In the Second, your feelings, for HASTINGS diftreft, 
 And your dread with new taxes of being oppreft, 
 Have giv'n too ferious a turn to your letter, 
 So write not again till your humour is better, 
 
 July i jth, 1789, 
 
 LET-
 
 C 204 3 
 
 LETTER XXXIX. 
 
 LITTLE, dear Brother, of late has been done, 
 That I'm forc'd to confolidate, three days in one; 
 For their LORDSHIPS whenever BURKE fends them away "\ 
 To their Chamber of Parliament, commonly flay, > 
 And put off the trial to fome other day* J 
 
 The refped. due to place, the fpeftator forgets, 
 And the HALL is a room for the laying of bets. 
 BURKE rifes to fpeak-^-and they cry " The SUBLIME 
 " Shall run for ten guineas, a race againft time." 
 BURKE offers fome papers with arguments long, 
 They propofe, " ten to one that the orator's wrong." 
 To confider a queftion their LORDSHIPS adjourn, 
 They lay " five to three that they do not return." 
 To proceed On laft Thurfday their LORDSHIPS agreed, 
 That GORING'S Epiftle the Clerk muft not read. 
 Great EDMUND arofe but what's fomewhat furprifing, 
 He did not burft forth in a paflion at riling ; 
 He requefted the Clerk might read over fome papers, 
 Which are always fo dull that they give me the vapours. 
 At laft to fome readings the COUNSEL obje&ed, 
 And off went the LORDS, as the audience expected, 
 
 And
 
 C 2 5 3 
 
 And did, as they frequently have done before, 
 Remain in their hole, for we faw them no more. 
 When EDMUND propofes, and the COUNSEL object, 
 On the Court it produces, the felf-Jame effect, 
 As the bark of a dog, that fome dwelling inhabits, 
 Or happens to ftray, near a WARREN of rabbits. 
 On Tuefday they met, and the CHANCELLOR faid, 
 That the papers difputed, might fitly be read : 
 The papers were read, and they went to evince, 
 That there is a diftinction, f twixt Nabob and Prince. 
 Now EDMUND fearch'd into the caufe, and inqnir'd, 
 Why HASTINGS " the Begum" fo vaftly admir'd ; 
 " My LORDS, with the Bheagum the criminal had 
 " A connection corrupt, and I beg leave to add, 
 " ThatpRANCis, my friend, did much benefit mean 'em, 
 " When he labor'd to break the connection between 'em. 
 " But in vain he exerted his pious endeavour, 
 " The connection continued as wicked as ever." 
 Some Ladies who heard of this mocking connection, 
 Were unable to fmother the figns of affection ; 
 A connection of fexes they thought was a crime, 
 Dependent on place, Jituation, and time ; 
 And they faid BURKE was dead to the feelings of (hame, 
 When he gave to connection, fo filthy a name. 
 BURKE continued There's nothing can ever perfuad 
 Any perfon to think " he would flick to the jade, 
 " Were it not for their wicked corruptible trade 
 
 " For, 
 
 Aiade^ 
 
 n
 
 [ 206 ] 
 
 * For, my LORDS, he not only fupported her ftation, 
 " In fpite of her tricks and mal-adminiftration," 
 But without any grounds, or the fmalleft pretenfion, 
 He advifed the Directors to grant her a penfion. 
 Of a penfion, my LORDS, (he was never in need, 
 And if it's difputed, I'll prove it indeed ! 
 Here the COUNSEL put in BURKE proceeded to ftat^ 
 That the Begum's refources were many and great. 
 With caution their LORDSHIPS, he kindly admoniuYd, 
 That they mud unavoidably all be aftonifh'd, 
 Whenever he ftated the Lady's recourfes, 
 From which {he obtained never-failing refources. 
 Hefaid " She, whom HAST INGS has publicly painted, *V 
 cc As a Lady whofe character never was tainted, > 
 .*' And whofe manifold virtues deferv'd to be fainted? J 
 " Permit me to mention, my LORDS, is the fame \ 
 " Who I told you from dancing deriv'd all her fame, > 
 " Whom the NABOB maintain'd, as a Lafs of the game. J 
 " If you hear of this woman and fome occupation, 
 " You wou'd think it were fomething becoming her 
 
 " ftation ; 
 
 <* Not fo : for this dame fo untainted with fin, 
 4< My LORDS, kept a (hop for the felling of gin : 
 " There was not in ASIA, I boldly aver, 
 " Any dealer in fpirits fuperior to her : 
 " Perhaps by the doctrine which Mahomet taught, 
 ** That women want fouls me moft happily thought, 
 
 2 " The
 
 t *7 3 
 
 Cf The heft way to eompenfate for Nature's defects, 
 t( Was with plenty offpirits to furnifli the fex" 
 This doubk entendre created fome fun, 
 ' But your CRITICS declared, 'twas a pitiful pun; 
 And fome who had read the Alcoran explained, 
 That the Mujelman faith, no fuch doctrine contain'd. 
 Bujt whether my Hero's affertion be true, 
 Or not, matters little to ME or to YOU. 
 
 Now EDMUND determines again upon boring 
 The COURT with his queftions, intended for GORING, 
 And by way of encomium, or character puffing, 
 He adds the appellative HASTING s's Ruffian ! 
 Which is, that on HASTINGS he was not dependant 
 And thence a good witnefs againft the defendant. 
 In a few minutes after, their LORDSHIPS adjourn 'd, 
 The COURT was diflblv'd, and the audience returned. 
 But before I proceed to defcribe the laft day, 
 There was fomething efcap'd me which now I will fay : 
 It feems that the CHANCELLOR made fome remark, 
 On the keen, eager grafp of my eloquent fpark, 
 (Who was urging his papers on fome flight pretence) 
 And created a laugh at great EDMUND'S expence ; 
 His feelings long callous, now fenfibly ftung, 
 At once put a ftop to his garrulous tongue. 
 
 Aghaft
 
 [ 208 ] 
 
 Aghafl EDMUND flood, o'envhelm'd with Corfu/ton^ 
 Whilft away went antlthefis, trope, and allufwn. 
 Then wither'd the flowers, the figures all fled, 
 Nor was there a metaphor left in his head. 
 To return On laft Wednefday I went to the COURT, 
 Tho' I can't fay with much expectation of fport ; 
 For ANSTRUTHER intended to fpeak, it was faid, 
 Whofe fpeech is as dull, the*' lefs weighty than lead. 
 But whether their LORDSHIPS had reafon to fear him, 
 Or, like me, had no great inclination to hear him ; 
 Or whether they acted from fome other reafon, 
 They ended the TRIAL, at leaft for this feafon. 
 
 But now, dear SIMON, let me reft awhile* 
 Collect my thoughts, and drop, the loofer Jlile. 
 He, who in public never fpoke before, 
 Who with abufe has. been INSULTED more 
 For years, than ever human patience bore 
 Arofe, and thus began 
 
 Mr. HASTINGS's SPEECH in Wejlminjler Hall, 
 Wednefday, gtb July. 
 
 " Illuftrious Peers ! tho* Jlrongejl words 
 " At once the torture of whole years to paint, 
 ff Aw'd (as whom wou'd not fo much State o'er/whelm ?) 
 " By all the worth and wifdom of the REALM, 
 
 " Tour
 
 s< Tour ^nuck -wrong' d Suppliant indulge the paufe ! 
 
 f( Craves one attentive moment to his caufe. 
 
 " Already wire- drawn forms of framed delay, 
 
 " Have wajled two fad fuff'ring years away : 
 
 <( Faults yet unprov'd fcarce outlin'd e'er I plead 
 
 " Have reap'd already guilt' s fevereft meed. 
 
 f{ Unclos'd yet lingers fwoln with comments large, 
 
 61 The twentieth item of the twentieth charge. 
 
 " TWENTY WHOLE CHARGES Jlretch'd in endlefs Iine 9 
 
 " No life can reach much lefs a life like mine : 
 
 " Wink judgements rod, ufurping hands affume, 
 
 <{ Fore-ftall conviction, tftf^pre-act the doom. 
 
 " Oh-! had the varied annals of mankind, 
 " Brought one eternal TRIAL to my mind, 
 " That cafe, terrific omen offufpenfe, 
 <c Had quaff d all pka ! defeated all defence ! 
 " Bade me my hopes on inftant fentence place, 
 ** And grafp at condemnation, as a GRACE. 
 
 * f yet, nor arrogant be dcem'd the pray'r, 
 " Yet a few parting, precious minutes fpare : 
 44 By one fhort Seflion years of angui/h fave, 
 " Nor fix IMPEACHMENT on me to the grave ! 
 " Clear but my fame, than deareft life more dear, 
 '* ( And that triumphant TRUTH at length muft clear) 
 " Clear but my fame, and clofe the procefs hen I 
 
 P -~j
 
 f 210 ] 
 
 _<f Yes -clofe it here !-W/j prefent merits try i 
 (t I wave all PROOF all witnefs all reply. 
 " Sure in my fame, wbate'er accufersfay, 
 " Be their's all elfe to give, or take away !" 
 
 Here HASTINGS ended, and a general Jigb, 
 Difclos'd the feelings of the ftanders by, 
 The drooping head, the downcaft look, exprefs'd 
 The ftrong Emotions felt in ev'ry breaft. 
 Through the whole audience foft companion ran, 
 All pray'd dehVrance, to ihefufring man. 
 E'en BURKE himfelf, with heart more hard than 
 Was {truck was over-aw'd wasforc'd to feel. 
 Here then, my SIMON, and m^ Cambrian friends > 
 For fome few months our correfpondence ends. 
 But if (which HEAVEN forbid !) the LORDS prolong 
 l^ke TRIAL BURKE again fhall mine in a fong. 
 
 July ibth, 1789. 
 
 LET.
 
 t * 3 
 
 LETTER 
 SIMON IN WALE S, 
 
 TO HIS 
 
 BROTHER SIMKIX IN LONDON. 
 JLJ-GAR SIM KIN, with forrow, with heartfelt 
 
 con- 
 
 cern, 
 
 Your friends your acquaintance your relatives learn, 
 That the mirth of their meetings muft now be diminim'd, 
 As HASTINGS'S caufe for this Seffion is finifh'd : 
 But whilll this misfortune your friends were condoling, 
 Came. a letter from SCOTT that was rather confoling j 
 He fays, that when BURKE'S allegations were counted, 
 By one of bis Friends, the fum total amounted, 
 To more than two thoufand, by which it appears, 
 That the trial might lad, for at leaft fifty years. 
 This pleafing intelligence fill'd us with hope, 
 That your hero will long have, unlimited fcope, 
 From whofe fancy more rich than the Taffyland Moun 
 
 tains, 
 Shall iffue forth fweet, inexhauftible fountains : 
 
 P 2 SO
 
 [ *' ] 
 
 So Whilft EDMUND in town the fpectator regales, 
 SIM. fhall fing to his dear principality, Wales. 
 
 You may tell Major ScoTT,he excite~s our difpleafure, 
 By his ftingy remarks on RURKE'S /pending the treafure : 
 We are highly offended to hear him complaining 
 Of expence, when the fubject is fo entertaining ; 
 And fooner than narrow the Orator's bounds, 
 We would yield to a tax, upon Pointer sand Hounds*, 
 Nay, though it confine us to Bachelor's lives, 
 We had rather fee PITT lay a tax upon wives : 
 But fuppofing, indeed, the folicitors' bills 
 Should exceed all the reft of our national ills, 
 If the public (hou'd deem it a hardfhip to pay 'em ! 
 Let the tickets be fold, that wou'd help to defray 'em ! 
 Their privilege ancient, the LORDS might forego, 
 And the audience might pay, for their feats at thejhovu* 
 Their LORDSHIPS fo many advantages get, 
 They may part with this one, without any regret. 
 
 I hope I may fay, without giving offence, 
 That whenever SCOTT talks of impeachment expence t 
 He (hows himfetf wanting m judgement andfenfe. 
 Tn one of his letters, this gentleman hinted, 
 An idea of having BURKE'S Counfdkrsjlinted : 
 
 For 
 
 ttice, > 
 '* J
 
 C s 3 
 
 For Counfellors he no neceffity faw, 
 
 As three of the Managers are of the Law. 
 
 But to EDMUND'S fuccefs, had the MAJOR adverted, 
 
 A thought fo abfurd, he had never afierted : 
 
 For though BURKE'S legal Phalanx, in number is flrong, 
 
 Their attempts and opinions were conjlantly wrong, 
 
 And in whatever quarter they made their attack, 
 
 They were always repuls'd, and beat Jhame fully back* 
 
 After what I have faid, need I farther infill, 
 
 On the folly of catting the Counfellor's Lift ; 
 
 Nay, I think that the COMMONS ftiou'djtrengthen the corps* 
 
 By adding at leaft twenty Counfellors more. 
 
 And this is th* opinion of JOHNSTONE (Sir JAMES) 
 
 Who in national caufes, ceconomy blames. 
 
 The generous BARONET gave his confent, 
 
 That a million or two mou'd on HASTINGS be fpeut. 
 
 A queftion occurs, which permit me to afk, 
 
 Have not HASTINGS'S counfel a difficult tafk ? 
 
 But tell me how is it, three SPARTANS contrive, 
 
 To fight Managers tzventy, and Counfellors five. 
 
 Befides all their friends in the rear of the lines, 
 
 Such as Painters, Hiftorians, and able Divines. 
 
 There is one thing, my SIMKIN, which if it be 
 
 true, 
 I am forry to fay, *'/ refeSis upon you, 
 
 P 3 The
 
 The remarks you once made on the conduct of PARR, 
 That Pedagogue drove, from tie W ejlminftcr Bar ; 
 And the MANAGERS robb'd of that fpiritual light, 
 Which illuinin'd their darknefs, and guided them right* 
 Sir JOSHUA REYNOLDS was alfo perplext, 
 Left he fliou'd appear, in Epiflle the next ; 
 And GIBBON, their worthy hiftorical friend, 
 Thought it rather unfafe, in their box to attend ; 
 Hijlorians, and Painters, Divines are afraid, 
 To put in their mite, to the MANAGER'S aid : 
 All this we have heard, and to you they impute it, 
 But I truft that my Brother with eafe can refute it. 
 There is fomething remaining I almoft forgot, 
 Which I have to alledge 'gainft the conduffi of SCOTT. 
 In a paflion that Gentleman feems to be flying, 
 At EJ>MUND'S attempt to convict him of lying. 
 His opponent what right has the MAJOR to blame, 
 When himfelf vice verfd, did lately the fame ? 
 In print and in fpeech, he is always advancing,. 
 That EDMUND \sguilty. of wilful romancing, 
 And tho' before BURKE, this and more was afferted, 
 His politenefs was fucb, that he ne'er controverted : 
 'Tis therefore ingratitude boorim in SCOTT, 
 When BURKE fays, YOU LYE, to declare I DO NOT. 
 
 But
 
 r ii 3 
 
 But before this Epiftle fo querulous ends, 
 I requeft in the name of your Tafyland friends, 
 You will now and then take up the pen to amufe us, 
 As occafions occur ; nay, you muft not refufe us ; 
 But if obligation ftiUi greater you mean us, 
 Let us have your remarks upon PARR'S BELLENDENUS. 
 Aug. ift, 1789. 
 
 P 4 L F T-
 
 [ 216 3 
 
 LETTER XLI. 
 SIMKIN TO SIMON IN WALES. 
 
 JDE affur'd, my dear BROTHER, whene'er I have lei- 
 
 fure, 
 
 I {hall always be happy to add to yourpleafure; 
 And fmce you folicit them, fuch as they are, 
 I will give you my own obfervations on P R. 
 You know, for two feafons, I've try'd every art 
 To conciliate and foften the ORATOR'S heart; 
 But, alas ! I have long unfuccesfully toil'd, 
 And in all my endeavours been conflantly foil'd ; 
 I refolv'd to examine the caufe of my failing, 
 And the fecret find out of the DOCTOR'S prevailing : 
 To my BOOKSELLER then I directed a note, 
 To fend me the Book which the PEDAGOGUE wrote : 
 The moment I turn'd to the PREFACE, furprize 
 Forc'd its way to my brain thro* the pores of my eyes. 
 It prefented an object uncommonly fine, 
 A moft beautiful Picture, and almoft divine ! 
 Believe me, dear SIMON, no landfcape in WALES, 
 Full of rivers and rocks, full of mountains and vales, 
 
 A more
 
 C 7 1 
 
 A more ftriking diverfity offers to fight, 
 
 Than the Preface which P R was fo good as to write; 
 
 I'm convinc'd that DIVINITY only could fpeak 
 
 Such an elegant jargon of Latin and Greek ; 
 
 Not a page but exhibits unnumber'd quotations, 
 
 From hiftories poems, and ancient orations ; 
 
 QUINTILIAN and HOMER, DEMOSTHENES, HUME, 
 
 Are work'd up in one panegyrical loom ; 
 
 The texture difplays the vaft fkill of the Weaver, 
 
 And gives him ftrong claim to the ORATOR'S favour, 
 
 I have heard that P R'S Scholars, fix days in the week, 
 
 Were tranflating the HERALD to Latin and Greek, 
 
 Whofe paragraphs choiceft the Doctor fele&ed 
 
 For his preface rthe reft, he as lumber rejected. 
 
 'Tis a Work, which the flrangeft of Chequers furpalTes, 
 
 Whilft the difTrence of ftyle mews the dift rence of 
 
 clafTes. 
 
 But what you muft think more miraculous ftill, 
 Is the depth of the PEDAGOGUE'S magical {kill; 
 A hundred dead Authors, he readily raifes, 
 Who all fing altogether the MANAGERS' praifes. 
 After all thefe exploits, is it longer furprifing, 
 That SIM KIN mould fink, whilft the DOCTOR is rifing? 
 
 But as matter feems wanting to fill up this letter, 
 Perhaps, my dear BROTHER may relilh it better,
 
 t 218 3 
 
 If, inftead of relating my own obfervations, 
 I give fome examples of P R'S Commendations. 
 You wiU find in page fix, of the Second Edition, 
 P R fpeaking of BURKE with the deepeft contrition,, 
 Laments, that bis friend is a fpecimen fad, 
 * f O/FORTCTPTE once good, nvLO deplorably bad" 
 The days lie remembers, when EDMUND was young, 
 Vhofe agreeable days, when the Senators hung 
 On the lo-ng-tixiftcd rope of the ORATOR'S tongue; 
 But in danger ofchoaking, and weary of hanging, 
 .They are now quite regardlefs of EDMUND'S haran- 
 guing;. 
 
 And there's fcarcely one Member who liftens, akho* 
 His Orations partake of die nature of Snow.* 
 In the following page, P R is certain and fure, 
 That BURKE leads the life of the true SIMON PURE, 
 And that all other men (as 'tis proper they mou'd,) 
 Muft account for their conduct to EDMUND the good ; 
 But among the beft traits he has noted in BURKE, 
 Is this that in fpite of the rafcaHy work 
 Of Fortune, his dignity never can yield, 
 But tho' beaten and thump'd, ftill remains in the field ; 
 And in all undertakings, tho' hooted and hifs'd, 
 His confcience approving has made him perfift. 
 
 * 'Ciijus enim dlcenth ex ore Senafus quondam pcndcbat, illlus jam 
 ?rafif etjl nivibus hybernis Jtmillima fo t fbi tamen aud&itiam >vix 
 nllum facit. 
 
 2 But
 
 f 
 
 There is one thing, perhaps, I hereafter may clo, 
 Which, by way of a fecret, I mention to you, 
 As my heroes efteem what is crabbed and cramp, 
 My writing next feafon (hall be of that ftamp ; 
 Our Wekb and their Engltfh I'll happily mingle, 
 Which, iikeP R'S Greek andLatin, may prettily jingle; 
 And to render the found flill more finking and full, 
 From BURKE'S native Irijh fome phrafes I'll cull ; 
 Withthefel will now and then fpangle my line, 
 And I queftion, if P R'S will look better than mine. 
 It is not, however, for me to expe6t, 
 Like him, to excite univerfal refpecl ; 
 Greek, Englifo, and Latin in gratitude join, 
 To the DOCTOR obliged, for his plentiful coin. 
 With Burkitts and Foxius, and fuch pretty founds, 
 As fa FoftA/0m the preface abounds ; 
 There is one thing indeed, which I cannot yet fincj, 
 Why PITT by 6 &7va is always defign'd ; 
 Nor do I fuppofe that the DOCTOR could tell, 
 Why Pittius for PITT, would not read juft as well, 
 But the reafon of this, ere 1 come to the end, 
 'Tis likely enough I may well comprehend ; 
 For indeed, my dear SIMON, 'tis fit you mould know, 
 That I have not, as yet, read the Preface half through; 
 In Lexicons oft, difappointed, I feek 
 For the DOCTOR'S new coinage of Latin and Greek. 
 
 Imuft
 
 220 ] 
 
 I muft not forget to inform you, the ftyic 
 Is a recipe good for the cure of the bile ; 
 So, like ConvalefcentSj who (lore up their pills, 
 I'referve it for bilious and fplenetic ills. 
 
 Here this Letter ends, but in cafe my 
 Should the fubject approve, I can fend him another; 
 For P R'S Preface refembles a pantomime dim, 
 Made of all forts of meat, of fowls, puddings, and 
 fim. 
 
 Aug. 1 3th, 1789. 
 
 LET
 
 [ 221- 
 
 LETTER XLIL 
 
 Y OU tell me, dear SIMON, you relifh the feafii 
 I procur'd you from P R, the political Prieft ; 
 Now, fince my Remarks correfpond with your liking, 
 JLet me add a few more, that are equally linking. 
 
 P R tells us, the deluging language of Fox 
 Runs down from the mountain and tears up the rocks ! 
 (And among other mad, unaccountable pranks) 
 // blows t4p the bridge and runs over the banks 
 And whene'er, in this manner, Fox chufes to fpeak. 
 The minds are ajlonijh'd of thofe that are weak ! 
 In the Very next page, the meek Doctor is ftruck 
 With the horrors, at CHARLEY'S long run of ill luck; 
 The paft he confiders a terrible curfe, 
 But the future, he fears, will be fifty times worfe; 
 He fees, at a diftance, Come ftorm that is brewing, 
 And likely t'involve the whole PARTY in ruin ; 
 But what ftill increafes the DOCTOR'S regret, 
 Is, that all honejl men were with CHARLEY upfet. 
 At length he obferves, in the way of condoling, 
 The good Conference of CHARLES mud be very confoling 
 
 And
 
 And tho* at 0* delna P R conflantly fnarls, 
 He's indulgent enought to the foibles of CHARLES, 
 Who fpent a great part of his youth in the flews, 
 Tet found himfelf MORE than a MATCH for the JEWS ; 
 Peccadilloes, like thefe, P R is pleas'd to infift, 
 Cannot .place his dear friend on the criminal lift 
 And the truth of that adage he ftrongly enforces, 
 That the wildejl of colts make the fneft of korfes 
 And the converfe of this proportion the fame, 
 Your horfe proves &jlug, if your colt was too tame \ 
 And thence, as 0' deina's not fond of a wench, 
 P R thinks him unfit for the Treafury Bench. 
 
 In page \hz fifteenth, \hefad DOCTOR laments 
 That the PARTY funk under the worft of events ; 
 For, whilft they were ufing their utmoil endeavour 
 To make themfelves firm in their places for ever 
 And when Fortune feem'd willing to grant all their 
 
 wiflies, 
 The PHILISTINES rum'd in, and laid hold of their 
 
 fifties 
 
 But tho' filenc'd juft then, by regard for his bones, 
 He now may, with fafety, give vent to his groans. 
 When the DOCTOR had ftorm'd and expended his 
 
 rage, 
 By fighing and groaning for more than a page, 
 
 With
 
 C * 2 3 3 
 
 With profufion of logic, and deep erudition, 
 
 He began a defence of a late COALITION ! 
 
 All thofe who condemn, fays the learned Divine, 
 
 Wrap in high-founding words elocution canine ; 
 
 That is, they are hoi(fe-dogs that watchfully bark, 
 
 When they fmell out a thief, that would Jleal in the dark* 
 
 After all thefe hyperboles, laughably odd, 
 
 P R mould be created, a Father in God ; 
 
 And CHARLES, when he can> muft reward with a mitre 
 
 The merit of this panegyrical writer. 
 
 DOCTOR JOHNSON, I've heard, with no fbronger pre- 
 
 tenfion, 
 
 Got from Adminiftration the grant of a penfion : 
 Of pedantry 9 HE, late egregious profej/br, 
 To P R left the chair, as his rightful fuccejjbr. 
 The firft a COLOSSUS, of flraddle fo wide, 
 As to fpread o'er this globe, and whole Jyjlems befide- 
 The next a COLOSSULUS, (landing on pegs, 
 With all the dead languages under his legs 
 The former knew more than will ever be known- 
 The latter makes Latin and Greek of his own, 
 
 Tis diverting to fee how the DOCTOR can (cold, 
 'At nefcio quit WILBERFORCE,* who was fo bold 
 
 Page 42. 
 
 As
 
 I 22 4 3 
 As to fay, ** that BURKE'S judgement had loft all its 
 
 " powers, 
 
 " And that time had dejlrofd his rhetorical fowers" 
 Then O'deina comes in for his mare of the blame, 
 For ramly prefuming to echo the fame, 
 Without being mov'd by confufion or fhame; 
 But P R'S of opinion, the moft they can fay 
 Is, that BURKE'S elocution begins to grow grey.* 
 But now, my dear SIMON, 'tis proper and fit 
 I mould give P R'S remark on O'DEINA or PITT. 
 His political courfe, when O'DEINA began, 
 P R thought him zpromi/ing, decent young man^ 
 But when, unexpected, he altered his tack, 
 From charmingly white, he grew frightfully black. 
 Now 1 think that the HERALD, or fome other print, 
 Should -give this forgetful young Statefman a hint, 
 That, black as he is, he might foon become winter, 
 By giving the DOCTOR the next vacant MITRE* 
 How ufeful 'twould be in political war, 
 To have fuch a militant Bifhop as P R, 
 Who, if OPPOSITION mould venture to fpeak, 
 Would well cannonade them with Latin and Greek. 
 
 * The Preface, which is the fubjeft of Simkin's pleafantry, is full 
 of fuch incongruities ; nothing but the genius of pedantry could 
 have formed fuch an union of ideas. 
 
 As
 
 C 
 
 As PITT has not many years quitted the College, 
 
 P R thinks he muft needs want political knowledge ; 
 
 Tho' this is a failing I mould not fufpedt 
 
 In PITT, were it not forliisJlMmeful neglett 
 
 Of the merit of P -R, but this conduct at once 
 
 Proclaims him to be a political dunce. 
 
 But 'tis time I fhould think of concluding this Letter; 
 Andj perhaps, you would tell me, The fooner the 
 
 better 
 
 For the prefent I therefore will ftay all proceeding, 
 Being heartily weary of writing and reading. 
 For tho', like our Welch Mountains, it catches the eye, 
 P R'S preface, like them, is hard, barren, and dry. 
 When I take up the book, I can't poflibly keep 
 My eyes for five minutes, from yielding to fleep. 
 
 But if no other fubject .occurs, MY DEAR BROTHER, 
 Upon/^/V, I hereafter muft. fend you ANOTHER. 
 Vug. i 9 th, 1789. 
 
 LET-
 
 C 226 ] 
 
 LETTER XLIIL 
 
 JN O fubjecl: occurring as food for my pen, 
 
 On P R I reluctantly comment again. 
 
 There is one thing, indeed, I omitted to mention, 
 
 Well worthy of your's, and all writers' attention 
 
 As the principal objett of all Dedications 
 
 Is attainment of friends by well-tim* d Adulations i 
 
 And as he who is eager to ferve his own ends, 
 
 Can ne'er have too many well-withers and friends, 
 
 When he brings out a work, 'tis an excellent plan 
 
 Into Books to divide it, as much as he can. 
 
 For each Book a Patron he thought to felect, 
 
 And to praife him much more than he well can expedt, 
 
 The fafhion the DOCTOR led up in his work, 
 
 Beftowing a Book on NORTH, CHARLEY, and BURKE ? 
 
 And having fome firkins of Butter to fpare, 
 
 And fuppofmg his Patrons more DRY than a Hare> 
 
 Their fkins with his greafe he dripp'd, larded, and 
 
 bafted, 
 'Till in flreams it ran down, and he fear'd 'twould be 
 
 wafted. 
 
 Yet
 
 C "7 ] 
 
 Yet profufe as he was, 'twill hereafter be found, 
 His Butter will bring a good price by the pound. 
 My ftomach was turn'd, I grew rather unwell, 
 So affected was I by the fight and the fmell ; 
 5 Tis fo loathfome that no Englifh tafte could abide it, 
 Had not P R had in Latin the prudence to hide it. 
 So Lovers, who pra&ife the arts of deceiving, 
 Finding thofe who are flatter'd, too fond of believing, 
 Take care, when they feafon their compliments high. 
 That none but the perfon they flatter, be nigh. 
 On this principle, P R, who in nature is learn'd, 
 Conceal'd it from all but the parties concerned. 
 
 In the 45th page, it is fadly lamented, 
 That the Gentry of England are much difcontented, 
 To find themfelves forc'd in the Houfe to fit down 
 With men of no family, rank, or renown. 
 Great part of the Senate is made up of Jobbers, 
 According to P R, and of Callico Robbers. 
 And he thinks, at the entrance a porter fhould flay, 
 To tell the new Senators which is the way. 
 
 As P R could to SHERRY give no dedication 
 For want of a book he made full compenfation, 
 By declaring, that numberlefs QUALITIES join, 
 Ejentlal to make that great Orator ihine ; 
 
 Q 2 And
 
 [ 228 ] 
 
 And the firft proof thereof which the Pedagogue brings 
 
 Is, that SHERRY has very great knowledge of THINGS ; 
 
 He has alfo a knack at fatirical joking, 
 
 At making fhort anfcuers, and very provoking ; 
 
 With learning (alluding perhaps to the STAGE) 
 
 Such as Gentlemen have in this elegant age. 
 
 But the DOCTOR has candour enough to admit, 
 
 That among all the ARMY which fight under PITT, 
 
 WithS KERRY to match not a Soldier is fit. 
 
 Nay, tho' PITT talks apace, without tripping or halt- 
 
 \ 
 
 SHERRY beats him to nothing, at cutting and. falling. 
 SHERRY foon tripp'd upGRENViLLE, whofe glory and 
 
 pride 
 
 Is, in having a/tf//nnfuccefsfully try'd. 
 All the talents, which NORTH, Fox, and EDMUND 
 
 have got, 
 
 According to P -R, fall to SHERIDAN'S lot : 
 Like Fox he hfubtle, ingenious, and bold 
 Like. BURKE he can fpout forth a FOUNTAIN of Gold, 
 And like NORTH with urbanity, rattle zndfcold. 
 
 When the DOCTOR had got no more Butter tofyart, 
 *Twas divertingly curious to hear him declare, 
 That without the leaft view to his dignity raifing, 
 'Twas truth, and truth only, that fee him a prailing ; 
 
 To
 
 [ "9 3 
 
 To truth you muft think him extremely devoted, 
 As he has not a wljh for the being promoted: 
 And to (how himfelf truly impartial and right, 
 In PITT he difcovers one fpot that is white. 
 For when on the CHURCH an attack was intended, 
 And her rights by LORD NORTH were as bravely de- 
 fended 
 
 PITT'S eloquence alfo came in to her aid, 
 Which ferv'd as NORTH'S Lacquey, or young Chamber- 
 maid.* 
 
 And now, my Dear BROTHER, with P R I have done, 
 And, perhaps, 'twere as well, had I never begun; 
 For I find, on inquiry, among learned men, 
 His Book was ne'er heard of by nine out of ten, ; 
 And among the few people that heard of its name, 
 Not one part in ten has look'd into the fame ; 
 And I firmly believe, in this light-reading age, 
 Not a man in ten thovfand could drag through a page. 
 
 Sept. 3, 1789. 
 
 * All the bombaft quoted by Simkin is to be found in the Preface 
 to Be'.lendinus, and infinitely more. 
 
 0.3
 
 LETTER XLIV. 
 
 OlNCE the day that I animadverted on P R, 
 
 That bright theologo-political Star, 
 
 No fubject for writing has falPn in my way ; 
 
 So I refted becaufe I had nothing to fay. 
 
 But now, my dear Boy, by the bleffing of Fate, 
 
 I have got an occurrence or two to relate. 
 
 You muft know thro' the City a rumour was fpread, 
 
 That the Parliament foon would be legally dead ; 
 
 The WHIGS, hearing this, in a ftate of dejection, 
 
 Aflembled to fettle th' enfuing Election ! 
 
 And whilft they were ftating and folving their doubts, 
 
 As to who'll be the IN'S, and who muft be the OUT'S, 
 
 The veteran Orator was not forgot 
 
 That is whether BURKE be re-chofen or not ? 
 
 Then JOSEPH rofe, and thus a fpeech began : 
 " We've had fufficient of this prating man : 
 " Thejuftly-hated name of EDMUND draws 
 " A gen'ral odium on the faireft caufe. 
 
 The
 
 [ 2 3' 3 
 
 (f The Nation once, by pompous found milled, 
 
 " Implicitly believ'd whate'er he faid, 
 
 (e And thought his heart much better than his btad. 
 
 " But now the WORLD his head and heart attack, 
 
 " And fay the one is weak the other black ; 
 
 " With all his actions men are now acquainted, 
 
 " His private character is alfo tainted, 
 
 " St. Omar's Jefuit is at length unfainted : 
 
 " His friend, the MARQUIS, long before he dy'd, 
 
 " Repentant, cut the knot, his, biindnefs ty'd : 
 
 " LORD V Y too, found reafon to reg r 
 
 " That patience which illegalizes DEBT j 
 
 (f His pious zeal againfl a great NABOB, 
 
 ff Is now confider'd as a pilfring JOB ; 
 
 " A difh of gravy-meat of EDMUND'S carving, 
 
 '' To feaft himfelf, and keep poor DICK from ftarving, 
 
 " His foolifh triumph,- fliamefully expreft, 
 
 " Referitment kindled in each royal breaft ; 
 
 te The caufe, the fole detefted caufe, was he, 
 
 " That we were lately burnt in effigy ; 
 
 << In deteflation, we have long been held, 
 
 " And muft remain, 'till EDMUND is expelPd. 
 
 " The ficken'd Senators, when EDMUND prates, 
 
 " Some ftay to hifs, while others quit their feats. 
 
 " From him a ftream of pompous nonfenfe flows, 
 
 <' Andferves tlje caufe he labours to oppofe : 
 
 His
 
 " His numerous blunders in a recent cafe, 
 ** Have fixed on us indelible difgrace : 
 " A morion now I make, (let none refift) 
 " To blot his name from the dillionour'd lift." 
 
 He ceafed and MONTAGUE arofe to fpeak : 
 e< I grant his heart is black, his head is weak : 
 ** But ftill I think a reafon might be giv'nj 
 fe Why from the Party BURKE mould not be driv'n ; 
 " He is, you muft^aUQw.. an ufeful Butt, 
 " For Wits^ f re u p on ^ lo jiqfo *&d cut ; 
 "pe-goat he, the Partis fins to bear, 
 
 : end Joe commits an ample fhare. 
 <r Should BURKE a patriotic life forego, 
 " The fhaft of Ridicule might fall on JOE ; 
 ft 'Tis hard to fay, mould men their conduct fcan 5 
 " If BURKE or SURFACE be the faireft man." 
 Here ended MONTAGUE and COURTNEY rofe, 
 With ever welcome wit, to interpofe ; 
 
 " The Chief who fpoke firft, and the Chief that did 
 
 " follow, 
 
 fe Are .ORACLES equal to thofe of APOLLO ; 
 " With SURFACE, indeed, I am free to admit, 
 " That EDMUND is worth twenty Members to PITT . 
 
 That 
 
 are.
 
 t 233 ] 
 
 " That the name of St. EDMUND'S fufficient to tarnifh 
 
 " All the colours of Fox, and all SURFACE'S varnifo : 
 
 " Notwithftanding all this, .I'm unwilling to fcout him, 
 
 ( ' Becaufe we may probably fare worfe without him ; 
 
 (f 'Tis. prudent to facrifice wrinkle-horn* d Rams, 
 
 " To fave from the Altar fweet innocent Lambs. 
 
 " Should BURKE be difcarded, as MONTAGUE noted, 
 
 *' Some victim or other muft foon be devoted ; 
 
 <f The well-meaning CHARLES, or the innocent JOE, 
 
 " Muft feel the (harp lafli of fome libellous foe ; 
 
 " The writer of news muft have food for his pen, 
 
 " To raife entertainment for fcandalous men : 
 
 " The follies of BURKE are fo many and glaring, 
 
 <f His actions fo wild, and his fpeeches fo daring, 
 
 " As to yield conftant matter for wonder and flaring. 
 
 * } 
 
 '" 
 g." 3 
 
 Here CHARLF /, whofe words are more weighty 
 
 . than lead, 
 
 Obferv'd on both fides a great deal might be faid ; 
 That he had not as yet fully made up his mind, 
 If to drag him along, or to leave him behind. 
 Here this Letter ends, but whenever thefe men 
 Shall agree on this point, I will write you again ; 
 In the mean time, I fear, if BURKE is not re-chofen, 
 My Pen will be pointlefs, my Ink will be frozen. 
 
 Oft. 30, 1789. 
 
 LET-
 
 LETTER LXV. 
 
 Y OU remember, Dear SIMON, my formerly dating, 
 That BURKE was difpleas'd with my ftile of narrating, 
 Alas ! now I find, I'm for ever rejeded, 
 As a new Poet Laureat is lately elected : 
 This intelligence cruel, I draw from a hint, 
 Convey'd thro' a late publijh'd, ludicrous Print* 
 Left this mould be thought not explicit enough, 
 J mufl tell you, the Party, that wears Blue and Buff, 
 Have fubfcrib'd for an Artift, a liberal Fee, 
 (Tho' they never once thought of fubfcribing for me) 
 Who, with great Ingenuity, Labour, and Pain, 
 Has pourtray'd the defign of fome Partizan's Brain ; 
 'Tis infcrib'd, by confent, to a * DUCHESS DIVINE, 
 The Pride, and the Hope, of the CAVENDISH line. 
 
 Firft, LIBERTY'S GODDESS, afluming the Face, 
 The Per/on, the Air, and the Shape of HER GRACE, 
 
 * If Simkin is in error the Artift, Mr. POLLARD, muft be re- 
 fponfible. The words are " To HER GRACE the DUCHESS of 
 " DEVONSHIRE, this Print of INDIA VINDICATED, is, by HER 
 " PERMISSION, muft HUMBLY DEDICATED^' 
 
 Holds
 
 C *35 ] 
 
 Holds out her Fore-fnger, intending to mow 
 
 Her Apoftles BURKE, Fox, PHILIP FRANCIS, and 
 
 JOE. 
 
 With her Cap and her Staff, fhe feems ready to holloa, 
 Lo ! thefe are the lads, which the DUCHESSES follow. 
 BURKE, drefs'd like the great Roman Orator GRAC- 
 CHUS, 
 
 Wants only a mob at command, to attack us ; 
 And the vifage of CHARLES, full of fpirit and fire, 
 Seems as if he would lay 'Ten to One on HIGH-FLYER ; 
 And the modern drefs'd JOSEPH, with Rouge in his face, 
 Looks as if he could collar a Jufllce of Peace ; 
 Whilft thefe heads all feem in an attitude fpeaking, 
 PHILIP, drawn at full length, appears creeping and 
 fneaking. 
 
 Mean time fee the GODDESS her left hand direct 
 To a beautiful figure RECORDER ELECT ! 
 Whofe likenefs expreflive, decidedly mews 
 Her Sifter renown'd, is " tP Hijlorical Mufe." 
 
 The Lady, I've heard, is preparing a Work, 
 The ACTS of the PATRIOTS Fox, JOSEPH, and 
 BURKE. 
 
 As
 
 As a proof of her {kill, an inclofure I fend, 
 
 J Tis a Copy I luckily got from a friend, 
 
 Of a fweet pretty ODE, which her Ladyfhip penn'd. 
 
 GREAT ANNIVERSARY ODE, 
 
 BY THE 
 
 HISTORIC MUSE. 
 
 GENTLE BUTCHERS ! ring your cleavers 
 ROYAL COBLERS ! Barbers ! Weavers ! 
 CHIMNEY-SWEEPERS ! and COAL-HEAVERS ! 
 
 Leave your work, and come away ! 
 COOPERS, down with adze and wimble ! 
 TAYLORS, drop fee yard and thimble ! 
 LINK-BOYS and LAMP-LIGHTERS nimble, 
 
 Come and keep this HOLIDAY ! 
 
 Drink and drive away the vapours 
 When the night comes, light your tapers ; 
 Dance and fmg, and cut high capers, 
 
 Dedicate this day to mirth. 
 Let this day be ne'er neglected ! 
 But, like CHRISTMAS, be refpected 
 FOX this day was firft elected 
 
 FOX the grcatejl man on earth ! 
 
 Not
 
 C *37 3 
 
 Not the glorious REVOLUTION, 
 Checking lawlefs perfecution, 
 Which fecur'd our CONSTITUTION 
 
 Free, for overturning mocks 
 Not the BRUNSWICK Coronation, 
 Chafing POP'RY from the nation, 
 E'er deferv'd commemoration, 
 
 Like th' ELECTION of CHARLES FOX ' 
 
 When. the HERO tells his ftory, 
 Acts of fplendor, deeds of glory, 
 Will diffufe their light before ye- 
 
 Then beftow your loud applaufe ! 
 WALTER TYLER, clad in armour ! 
 MASTER CADE, the great Reformer ! 
 CROMWELL'S^//* was never warmer, 
 
 Than CHARLES FOX in Virtue's caufe ! 
 
 and B****, by joint endeavour, 
 Thirteen Provinces did fever 
 From the BRITISH CROWN for ever ! 
 
 Noble CHARLES, and loyal BURKE \ 
 IriJJ} Independence rearing, 
 Kingdoms two afunder tearing, 
 Make the CROWN not worth the wearing 
 
 This, indeed, is glorious work! 
 
 Gallant
 
 C 2 33 ] 
 
 Gallant CHARLES, the Nation's bleffing ; 
 Eas'd your SHOPS of tax diflreffing, 
 Laid thereon by PITT, oppreffing 
 
 Hail, for ever, BLUE and BUFF ! 
 Still there's fomething more provoking, 
 PITT has laid a tax on fmoaking, 
 Whilft your wives and mothers, croaking 
 
 Dread another tax on Snuff. 
 
 TOAST the PRINCE and ROYAL BROTHER, 
 Whilft fome folk, in places other 
 Toaft his Father and his MOTHER 
 
 Drink the PEOPLE'S MAJESTY ! 
 Drink about, ye thirfy fjhe s ! 
 Toatling with fmcereft wifhes, 
 RUSSELS, BENTINCKS, CAVENDISHES, 
 
 With FITZWILLIAM, ever free ! 
 
 Godlike CHARLES, the World's Eighth Wonder f 
 In St. STEPHEN'S fqueaking thunder, 
 Keeps the frighted Members under : 
 
 Oh ! let FOX be ne'er caft out ! 
 Rife, ye gallant fons of freedom ! 
 Damn the laws, and never heed 'em ! 
 Wealthy villains only need 'em 
 
 Honeft poor can live without. 
 
 See
 
 C *39 1 
 
 See the SIRE, by SON forfaken 
 F perfuades the Heir miftaken, 
 The Prerogative to weaken 
 
 Thanks to CHARLES's foothing tongue. 
 When he fpeaks Huzza ! encore him ! 
 Tumble down, and kneel before him ! 
 Kifs his Jhoe-fring, and adore him 
 
 CHARLES from Freedom's Goddefs fprung 
 
 At next WESTMINSTER ELECTION, 
 Guard with care againft defection; 
 Give delinquents juft correction 
 
 Bring a Hundred Thoufand Votes. 
 Collar MAGISTRATES and fright 'em 
 Meet your foes, and boldly fight 'em- 
 SAMSON like, with jaw-bone fmite 'em, 
 
 Make clean work, and cut their throats. 
 
 This model of eloquence, ftyle, and expreffion, 
 Was prefented the Day of KING CHARLES'S ACCES- 
 SION ; 
 
 I mean on that great ANNIVERSARY DAY, 
 When the WESTMINSTER MOB firft acknowledg'd his 
 
 fway ; 
 
 And that this blefied day may be never forgot, 
 'Twill hereafter be kept like the Gun-Powder Plot. 
 
 Next
 
 [ 240 J 
 
 Next year we expect all the Bells in the Steeple 
 Will ring the whole day, for this Man of the People; 
 And if I were KING GEORGE, while the Hero is 
 
 living, 
 
 I would make it an Annual Day of Thankfgiving. 
 And the Almanack Makers, in future, 'tis faid, 
 Will diftinguim the Tenth of October with red. 
 
 Should JOSEPH, Dear Brother, his promife fulfil, 
 (Tho* on cafting'i\it Odds, I much doubt if he will) 
 I'll give you the cream, when he lets me perufe 
 The Afts of the Patriots, by Liberty's Mufe. 
 
 . To return" to the Print where the Goddefs of Free- 
 dom 
 
 Deals Her Oracles out, to fuch people as need 'em, 
 'Tis delightful to fee this DIVINITY trample 
 On chains, fetting fubjects an ufeful example ; 
 And (lie who has/ortV fuch a number to wear 'em, 
 With eafe can inftruct her own Captives to tear 'em. 
 Her Vot'ries, however, would gladly pull down 
 The Enjtgns of Government, Scepter, and Crown. 
 At the Foot of the Column, black people are kneeling. 
 To raife in the Patriots, compajjionate feeling ; 
 % Or to gratefully thank them for having procur'd 
 Relief from DiftrcJJes they never endur'J \ 
 
 2 Fot 
 
 !.
 
 For perfuading the Commons, that man to condemri, 
 Who preferv'd to the Crown its moft brilliant Gem ; 
 Or, perhaps, for preventing all farther abufe, 
 By turning THEIR WEALTH to the NATIONAL USE. 
 MUNNY BEGUM, whofe Fame BURKE fo wickedly 
 
 painted, 
 
 Is drawn like the LADY, who formerly fainted 
 At a Tale of Diftrefs,* with which you are acquainted. J 
 
 f 
 
 \ 
 
 This BEGUM, BURKE faid, was a Proftitute common, 
 A difgrace to her Sex, a vile profligate Woman ; 
 And though from the dregs of the people mefprung, 
 Made a BEGUM, becaufefoe enchantingly fung : 
 But, in jufticeto BURKE, I muft own he recanted, 
 When his Evidence fail'd, and the BEGUM'S was 
 
 wanted ; 
 
 Then her Credit arofe unimpeactfd and unjhaken, 
 And a hearfay from her was a proof to be taken* 
 
 But 'tis furely affronting CECILIA, to place her 
 In a ftation like this nay, it needs muft difgrace her| 
 And, indeed, ttfirft fight, I fufpected a plot, 
 That the ARTIST was brib'd, and corrupted by SCOTT, 
 
 * The Story of DEBT SiN64 
 
 R To
 
 C 242 ] 
 
 To exhibit this BEGUM, whom EDMUND accused 
 
 Of crimes, as an Angel, by HASTING sabus'd 
 
 To (hew Inconjiftency and Variation, 
 
 Thus fixing difcredit on EDMUND'S Narration ; 
 
 But the MAJOR, if wife, of hiscafh might be fparing, 
 
 For the changes oj BURKE are fufficiently glaring. 
 
 But fure inconfiftency is not alarming, 
 
 On the contrary, I think variety charming ; 
 
 And now I am reading a book of that name, 
 
 Whofe pleafantries varied, demonftrate the fame. 
 
 The Artift difplay'd fome fatirical fun, 
 By putting forth GREY and ANSTRUTHER for one* 
 Wherein, I pr'efume, he adopted the plan, 
 Of their putting nine Valors to make up a Man ; 
 And concluded that RAJAH CHEYT SING topourtray, 
 Would take two fuch men as ANSTRUTHER and 
 
 GREY. 
 
 But perhaps into error the Artift was led, 
 By reading what ANSTRUTHER formerly faid \ 
 For who would conceive that CHEYT SING was the 
 
 fame, 
 
 The identical Perfon, as well as the Name, 
 Whom ANSTRUTHER faid, in his confcience he held 
 To be legally fn'd, and with jujlice expel? d* 
 
 But
 
 L *43 ] 
 
 But now, as this verfatile Hero contends, 
 Was punifh'd unjuftly, for 'villainous ends. 
 
 Farewell, I (hall write you again when I glean 
 The ACTS of the APOSTLES (the PATRIOTS I mean). 
 Nov. it, 1789. 
 
 R 2 LET-
 
 t 244 3 
 
 LETTER XLVL 
 
 Sent by a MANAGER to Mr. BURKE. 
 
 JL/EAR BURKE, with deeperl tribulation, 
 
 I have to give you information 
 
 Of an untoward thing that paft 
 
 At Weftminfter, on Wednefday laft. 
 
 Charles Fox, you know, who loves his KINS 
 
 Far beyond ev'ry earthly thing; 
 
 Who cannot brook the flighted hint 
 
 In fpeech, in writing, or in print, 
 
 That tends to caft the leaft reflection 
 
 On MAJESTY, or its connexion. 
 
 (And by the bye, I can't but wonder 
 
 How he forgave your Irljh Blunder, 
 
 When to the wind your fail unfurling, 
 
 Youfpliced together KING and Hurling. 
 
 'Twas once, I heard, his refolution 
 
 To move againft you profecution, 
 
 Till Grey, your able, kind phyfician, 
 
 Made known your ftate and mind's condition ; 
 
 % And
 
 C *45 1 
 
 And therefore tender Charles forgave you, 
 And join'd with other friends to fave you). 
 
 But with digreffion to have done, 
 At leaft till I've my Tale begun 
 You know that CHARLES was difconteoted 
 With fomething Mr. STOCK DALE printed; 
 I mean that Pamphiet, the Re-vieia 
 Of Charges mov'd and pen'd by you : 
 He, with the deepeft penetration 
 Therein difcover'd Defamatiou 
 Both of the COMMONS and the KING, 
 Which was,, indeed, a fhocking thing. 
 
 Some Members, who were rather blind, 
 No harm could in the Pamphlet find, 
 Although to us of optics keen, 
 'Twas plain as Nofes to be feen. 
 Howe'er, as CHARLES fo clearly faw, 
 The HOUSE gave Stockdak up to Law ; 
 And Wednefday Jaft the Caufe was try'd 
 And how d'ye think they did decide ? 
 Not all th'AjTORNEY GEN'RAL'S learning, 
 Not all that he could urge concerning 
 The dangers Libels may produce, 
 By coming too much into ufe, 
 
 R 3 Could
 
 [ 246 ] 
 
 Could make a purblind Jury fee 
 What was fo clear to CHARLES and ME. 
 Th' ATTORNEY GENERAL once, 'tis true, 
 (One ought to give the Devil his due) 
 Exprefs'd a doubt, that 'twou'd not do. 
 He faid it was in vain to try 
 To give a microfcopic eye, 
 Or make a Jury magnify. 
 
 ERSKINE (I wifli the devil had him, 
 Or that to fpeak he had forbade him) 
 Did with his ufual vehemence, 
 And rapid ftream of eloquence, 
 Prove, that a fingle loofe expreflion 
 Could constitute no vaft tranfgreflion ; 
 He pray'd the Jurymen to look 
 Into the Contents of the Book, 
 And for themfelves judge, if the writing 
 Was matter proper for indicling. 
 They took his counfel, and withdrew, 
 And read fome pages through and through. 
 Pretext and Context they compar'd, 
 And after all their fearch, declar'd 
 If any thing amifs there be, 
 Tis more than Jurymen can fee. 
 
 But
 
 C 247 ] 
 
 But that which moft afflided me, 
 Was feeing SCOTT fo full of glee, 
 After the legal battle winning, 
 Depart from Court in triumph grinning. 
 
 But oh, my Friend, my heart is fad 
 I think this omen very bad : 
 HASTINGS was thought a great oppreflbr, 
 And BURKE of wrongs the juft redreflbr; 
 Of work divine the nobleft creature, 
 The gen'rous friend of human nature ; 
 But now, alas ! all fee the trick 
 Curfe on employing BROTHER DICK 
 Curfe on his vain Procraftinations, 
 Curfe on all over-fpun Orations, 
 Curs'd be the caufes of delaying - 
 Forgive me, BURKE, for what I'm faying ; 
 I'll make amends by future praying. 
 Pieces of timber very long 
 Are very feldom very ftrong, 
 So fine Orations lofe their ftrengtlj, 
 When they exceed a proper length. 
 
 'Tis written by our SHAKSPERE'S pen, 
 * c There is, in the affairs of men, 
 
 R 4 "A tide,
 
 C *48 3 
 
 " A tide, which taken at the flood, 
 tc Leads on to fortune fair and good; 
 fi But if they flothfully neglect 
 << The tide, alas! the vertel's wreck'd." 
 
 There was a time, when thy Oration 
 Produc'd, by virtue of inflation, 
 A public mental inflammation, 
 That for decifion was the feafon, 
 When paffions warm'd extinguished reafon. 
 
 Oh, EDMUND ! once o'er the opinion 
 Of men, thou hadft fupreme dominion ; 
 But now, alas ! thou'rt fallen fo low 
 As to force pity from a foe. 
 HASTINGS himfelf, mould he outlive thee, 
 And fee thy exit, muft forgive thee. 
 Oh, EDMUND, EDMUND, I could weep I 
 Put firft I'll try to get a fleep. 
 
 Pec. i5th, 1789. 
 
 1 
 
 LET-
 
 LETTER XLVII. 
 MR. BURKE's ANSWER. 
 
 God ! the Letter you have fent, 
 Has fill'd me full of difcontent. 
 Can you fuppofe that I require 
 More fuel heap'd upon the fire ? 
 You know how long and hard I toil, 
 How much my fpirits fume and boil, 
 While all my flefh and entrails broil. 
 What ! did a JURY dare difTent 
 From Fox, the Man of Parliament ? 
 What ! did not KEN YON fend *em back, 
 Nor put them on a better track ? 
 Nor MANSFiELD-like, diftinction draw, 
 Between the Faff and point of Law ? 
 Fox faid, it was a Libel ftrong, 
 And his opinion can't be wrong. 
 I am, by G d, in fuch a fury, 
 That were they mine, I do aflurc ye, 
 I'd give the Devil J dg and J . 
 
 Mercy 
 
 i
 
 ] 
 
 Mercy upon us ! Heaven defend I 
 God only knows where this will end. 
 The Mob, perhaps, at next EleRion 
 May hold Fox Worthy of Rejection. 
 The fickle dogs may change their plan, 
 And chufe fome other for their man. 
 
 This is, of all things moft provoking, 
 Except your curfed mode of joking ; 
 Don't talk tome of BROTHER DICK, 
 The bare remembrance makes me fick : 
 Don't fpeak about Procrastination, 
 For I have plann'd a new Oration, 
 Replete with Recapitulation 
 Of all that WARREN HASTINGS did ^ 
 Both what he own'd, and what he hid : 
 Into Synopfis I have brought 
 What he did think, and mould have thought ; 
 I've pick'd up Tales, to make Digrejfions, 
 Enough to laft for Twenty Sejfions. 
 
 ANSTRUTHER tells me, he can fpeak 
 A day or two in ev'ry week ; 
 And Fox (unlefs in certain cafes, 
 Like being at Newmarket Races)
 
 [ i 3 
 
 Will lend his aid the fcene to vary, 
 And make a fpeech, when I am weary ; 
 And all the reft mail ready ftand, 
 To lend in need an helping hand. 
 
 But, truly, 'tis confounded hard; 
 To always play a lofmg card ; 
 For fpite of mine and Party's fcill ? 
 Let's cut and muffle how we will, 
 COURT CARDS and TRUMPS we never get ^ 
 But deeper ftill fmk into debt. 
 FORTUNE ! my Curfes light upon her, 
 Lets none of us get any Honor : 
 Long have I ftudy'd to cajole her, 
 But now by force I will control her. 
 I will not ceafe till I exhibit 
 HASTINGS'S body on a gibbet, 
 And ev'ry Scribbler, Poetafter, 
 Shall mare the fortune of his Mafter; 
 But above all, that R -ft / SCOTT, 
 By me he'll never be forgot : 
 That Dog, whene'er I colour high, 
 Makes it appear a horrid Lye ; 
 Purfuing me in all directions, 
 ]He makes, and glories in detections : 
 
 i When
 
 C s 1 
 
 When I inveigh with language ftrong^ 
 He writes a book to prove me wrong, 
 And keeping with me trick and tye, 
 He writes and fpeaks as much as I. 
 That curfed SCOTT, not only (hows 
 My errors in farcaftic Profe, 
 But gets fome half-ftarv'd Grub-fine t Poff, 
 In doggrel Verfe again to ihew it. 
 ANSTIE (indeed I do fufped him, 
 Let him beware how I detect him), 
 Author of SIM. THE FIRST, is reckoned 
 The Author too, of SIM. THE SECOND. 
 When SCOTT informs him, Stcckdale's free, 
 He'll be as bold as bold can be. 
 
 Fve heard he is about a Work,, 
 Th* ORATIONS (call'd) of EDMUND BURKE 
 My Speeches made at fundry times, 
 Are all t' appear in SIM KIN'S Rhymes. 
 Another work, I've heard, befide 
 *Tis call'd the PATRIOTIC GUIDE; 
 Wherein he tears the mafk away, 
 And mews the tricks we Patriots play. 
 All this and more from SCOTT hasfprung 
 Would I could fee the Villain hung, 
 
 Int*
 
 [ *53 3 
 
 Into the flames, would I could cram him ! 
 
 Oh vengeance, vengeance ! damn him, damn Urn I 
 
 I'm nearly now to madnefs driven, 
 And almofl wifli myfelf in heaven ; 
 And here on earth I merely flay, 
 Becaufe Pm fo much wifh'd away ; 
 Yes, I will flay on earth to plague 'em, 
 With tales of BHOW andMuNNY BHEAGUM. 
 
 Dec. i6th, 1789. 
 
 LET-
 
 LETTER XLVIII. 
 SIMON IN WALES, 
 
 TO HIS 
 
 BROTHER SIMKIN IN TOWN. 
 
 A HRO' TAFFY LAND, Brother, a rumour has 
 
 fpread, 
 
 That SIMKIN, alas ! muft be certainly dead ; 
 From your filence unufual, the rumour arofe, 
 Or from fomething, 'tis likely, that nobody knows. 
 Some think you're difgufted at lofing the poft 
 Of RECORDER to BURKE", and his tongue-fighting 
 
 Hoft: 
 
 But I hope that my SIMKIN, though B - is unjuft, 
 Will not hold himfelf back, giving way to difguft ; 
 Tho' Lady D NC N N'S RECORDER cleft, 
 Your Verfes in Wales will be read with refpeft. 
 Your Kindred and Friends all unite in befeeching, 
 That as ED D and COLLEAGUES go on with im- 
 
 peaching, 
 
 Not-
 
 [ 4 55 3 
 
 Notwithftanding your prefent official difmiffion, 
 You will, in defiance of BURKE'S prohibition, 
 In the Boxes, as formerly, take up your ftation, 
 And give us the fubftance of every Oration. 
 From your Letters, when finifh'd, I mean to compofe 
 
 A curious collection of ED D'S Bon Mots, 
 
 Of ideas fublime, drefs'd in beautiful Profe. 
 The work will be ufeful, as well as amufmg, 
 And inftructive to Youth in the arts of abujtng. 
 
 There's STOCKDALE, who deals in political writing 4 
 Who has fuffer'din pocket, I hear, from indicting; 
 And to make up the lofs, in the way of his trade, 
 Is felling the Speech that his Advocate made ; 
 That Speech muft be able, conclufive, and ftrong, 
 Which could prove to a JURY the COMMONS were 
 
 wrong : 
 Through TAFFY LAND, ERSKINE has fpread his re.- 
 
 nown, 
 
 By this Speech, fo I beg you will fend it us down. 
 This STOCKDALE, hereafter, (hall publifh my work, 
 I mean the Eon Mots of the Orator Burke : 
 And the fayings of CHARLEY and JOSEPH are equal 
 In value, and are to appear in the fequel.
 
 C aj ] 
 
 We have children of four, who, in high imitation 
 Of the Weftminfter Heroes, can make an Oration 
 For an hour by the clock, againft bafe peculation 
 
 " 1 
 "I 
 
 One thing I have heard, but I can't think it true, 
 If it were, it had furely been mention'd by you : 
 ANSTRUTHER, they fay, was once HASTINGS'S Friend, 
 And in Leadenhall-jlreet did his conduct defend ; 
 That conduct which now 'tis his pride to attack, 
 And to prove to the COURT is fo frightfully black; 
 That very fame conduct he prov'd to be right, 
 Without fpot or blemifh, and perfectly white. 
 Oh ! tellme, dear SIM. can this poflibly be, 
 Or are Travellers idle, impofing on me ? 
 If the ftory were grounded, I'm certain the Court 
 Would think all he faid a mere matter of fport : 
 All the BISHOPS would pray for new light to conduct 
 
 'em, 
 
 And in AXSTRUTHER'S myftical ways to inftruct 'em. 
 LordTowNSHEND would afk him, if what he exprefs'd 
 That day, fhould be conftru'd in earneft or jeft ? 
 Lord THURLOW \vouldthink it extremely provoking, 
 That his time mould be fpent to hear ANSTRUTHER'S 
 
 joking ; 
 
 Unlefs he loves Mufic, and therefore rejoices 
 In the harmony tweet of the MANAGERS' Voices.
 
 But, pray, can a Sophift fo able be found 
 
 As to prove the fame Timber's both rotten and found ? 
 
 I'm convinc'd, on reflection, it cannot be true; 
 
 For 'tis more than a fogging Attorney can do : 
 
 The man who confeiTes he once has deceiv'd, 
 
 Has no reafon to hope he'll again be believ'd. 
 
 ,1 
 
 I mail fmifh this Letter with high expectation 
 Of your giving new proofs of your verfification 
 In ANSTRUTHER'S, Fox's, or EDMUND'S Oration. 
 The Lungs of the latter, from refting fo long, 
 Have recovered, no doubt, and are active and ftrong; 
 From practifmg oft in the BENCH and the PLEAS, 
 ANSTRUTHER can fpeak with more freedom and eafe : 
 The LORDS have recover'd, 'tis hop'd, from their 
 
 fears, 
 
 And got well of the bruifes they had in their ears ; 
 Whilft HASTINGS, grown callous from habit and 
 
 ufe, 
 
 Can bear^ with more patience, reproach and abufe. 
 I have heard fomething elfe, which I almoft forgot ; 
 'Tis improbable, therefore I credit it not ; 
 By his friends and his foes 'tis in general expected, 
 That BURKE, as a Candidate, will be rejected, 
 And never in PARLIAMENT be re-elected : 
 
 S There
 
 C ?58 ] 
 
 There was fomethinghe faid of a PERSONAGE ROYAL, 
 Which is highly refented by all that are Loyal ; 
 Perhaps the fame ftory related by you, 
 'Tis the HURLING I mean, but I hope 'tis not true. 
 
 Oh, SIM KIN ! you foon muft want food for yOi*r 
 
 pen, 
 
 If depriv'd of this beft of Political Men ; 
 I will work double tides, and his character raife 
 By my Verfe, and the HERALD fhall publiCh his 
 
 praife ; 
 
 Were I furTer'd to whifper in MAJESTY'S Ear, 
 I could arguments bring, irrefiftibly clear, 
 That if BURKE utter'd language that border'd on 
 
 Treafon, 
 
 'Twas when difappointment had finother'd his Reafon ; 
 That His MAJESTY'S Servants were chiefly in fault, 
 Who rewarded BURKE'S merit much lefs than they, 
 
 ought ; 
 
 For where is the man who has ftrong pretenfion 
 To a PAYMASTER'S Place, or a MINISTERS Penfton ? 
 
 I have heard that he once was for ftarving the , 
 
 But you know that revenge is a pitiful thing ; 
 Nor can we expect that fo generous a man, 
 Should follow his own occonomical plan. 
 
 2 Indeed,
 
 [ *$9 3 
 
 Indeed, my dear BROTHER, I cannot help thinking, 
 'Tis ourinter'ft conjointly to fave him from finking, 
 By hiding his faults, and his virtues revealing- 
 So forget his unkindnefs, and ftifle your feeling. 
 
 Jan. zift, 1790. 
 
 S LET-
 
 [ 260 ] 
 
 LETTER XLIX. 
 SIMKIN to SIMON IN WALES. 
 
 \JH, BROTHER ! Oh, BROTHER ! with deep tribu- 
 lation, 
 
 I muft try to unfold an afflicting narration : 
 I'm tortur'd with grief, I'm alarm'd with my fears, 
 I blot all I write with a torrent of tears, 
 When the Mob of this City that building pull'd down, 
 Which let all the Vagabonds loofe on the Town, 
 It gave not the Cits fo much caufe to lament, 
 As the people now have for this cruel event. 
 Not even the Greeks, when the hot-brain'd ATRIDES 
 Took BRISEIS away from her Lover PELIDES, 
 When they loft in the latter their ableft Protector, 
 And were frighted to fits at the coming of HECTOR - 
 Not all the diftrefs they endur'd in the fequel, 
 The approaching dljlreffes of England can equal. 
 Oh, BROTHER ! thefe Heroes, whom commiferation 
 Rous'd up as your knights in defence of your Nation, 
 Whom zeal for GREAT BRITAIN and her Conftitution, 
 Has furnifh'd with Rivers of fine Elocution 
 
 Have
 
 C i 3 
 
 Have guard? d! ! And EDMUND'S expected to fever, 
 In Political Queftions, from JOSEPH forever / 
 Like wildfire, 'tis dreaded, Diflention will run, 
 And not ENGLAND alone, but the WORLD be undone f 
 
 The Conteft arofe from a clam in Opinion, 
 With refpect to the properly placing Dominion : 
 For BURKE in the SENATE declar'd, he arofe 
 The Do8ri*e ofJosEpn and CHARLES to oppofe, 
 Whofe Principles growing ftill ftronger and ftronger, 
 Are fo mocking and bad, he can bear them no longer. 
 
 " I difcover the fpirit of bold Innovation, 
 t( Which muftin its confequence ruin this Nation; 
 " And here, in the prefence of all, I advance, 
 " That I never encourag'd the Rebels in France" 
 
 Then he hinted, as if he had reafon to fear 
 Some diforder or other would vijtt us here ; 
 And feem'd to imagine that one of his friends 
 Some change, or fome new Revolution intends ; 
 And that, far his own part, he ne'er underftood 
 That the laft Revolution produc'd any good i 
 'Twas only the changing one Man for another, 
 Like putting by RICHARD for ROBERT his brother; 
 
 He
 
 [ afe ] 
 
 He faid, Though my feelings it horribly mocks, 
 To think I muft leave fuch a fellow as Fox, 
 Although I would fooner be robb'd of a limb, 
 Than be parted one moment from JOSEPH or him, 
 Yet mould they proceed with a wicked intention, 
 I myfelfwill oppofe them, by way of prevention. 
 He of GOVERNMENT fpoke, and at length he confefl 
 Arijlocracy was, in his judgement, the belt. 
 
 Then CHARLEY arofe, and began an Oration, 
 Difclaiming th' idea of all Innovation ; 
 Lamenting in terms moft pathetic and fad 
 His conviction at length, that his Leader was mad ; 
 <c BuRKE'sfriendmiptome is exceedingly dear, 
 <c As is very well known to all you tfrat are here ; 
 " And I freely confers, my Political Knowledge 
 " Was chiefly deriv'd from that Jefuit's College : 
 ft Half the learning I have (I with confidence fay it) 
 " Had I Metaphyfical Scales, and could weigh it, 
 " I obtain'd from attending to BURKE'S converfation, 
 " And yet, notwithstanding this vail obligation, 
 " Were he to engage in that criminal meafure, 
 " I fay he would greatly incur my difpleafure. 
 fe And mould he rebel, I, on fuch an occafion, "\ 
 
 " (If I could not prevail by the arts of DhTuafion), > 
 (( Would rife up in arms to repel the Invafion. J 
 
 But
 
 [ *3 3 
 
 " But (till, with regard to the two Revolutions, 
 
 " With refpeft to the beft and the word Co'nftitutions, 
 
 " I think not with BURKE, for I am of opinion, 
 
 " That fafety confifts in divided dominion ; 
 
 (f And tho* I admit 'tis a very good thing 
 
 " To have plenty of NOBLES and even a KING, 
 
 " And am willing that they mould partake with the reft, 
 
 " Yet the ftiare of the Mob fhould be largejl and beft. 
 
 f( As to what I declar'd on a former debate, 
 
 (f About France, and the things which befel her of late, 
 
 " If my pleafure and joy were too warmly expreft, 
 
 f( Twas only humanity ftirr'd in my breaft." 
 
 Here JOSEPH broke in, and with ftrong agitation 
 Began to exclaim againft Infinuation ; 
 He declar'd to the Houfe, that he could not tell what 
 Made EDMUND fufpeft he was laying a Plot; 
 That with fear and amazement he heard him advance 
 Hard libellous words on the People of France ; 
 That he needs mult acknowledge, the laft Revolution 
 Had giv'n this Kingdom z. fine ConjlituUon. 
 
 Here BURKE'S paroxyfm grew ftronger and itronger, 
 And his violent tongue could be bridl'd no longer; 
 In a rage he arofe, and exclaim'd Here I fever 
 In Political Matters, from JOSEPH for ever ! 
 
 S 4 An
 
 r 264 3 
 
 An honeft and juft indignation I feel 
 Againft people who wifh to difplay the Baftlk; 
 
 Here ended the Conteft, which fome think a 7nY, 
 And fay that the Party of EDMUND are fick ; 
 That 'twas artifice made them their LEADER condemn* 
 To prevent his hereafter expofing of them. 
 But howe'er it may be, this deplorable ftory, 
 GREAT BRITAIN will rob of its honour and glory ; 
 For, his aid and affiftance if EDMUND withdraws, 
 Oh, who will ftand forth in HUMANITY'S CAUSE ? 
 With grief I forefee in this horrid defection, 
 All AJia and Britain depriv'd of Protection. 
 But HASTiNcs's^r/y, I fear, will rejoice, 
 And already, methinks, their unanimous voice 
 Peclares to the Public, the quarrel of knaves, 
 Is one of thofe bleffings, which innocence faves. 
 But here, my dear BROTHER, this Letter I end^ 
 And as matter arifes, another I'll fend. 
 
 POSTSCRIPT, 
 
 Dear BROTHER, I fcarcely had laid down my pen, 
 When I beard fomething more of thefe wonderful men :, 
 
 Lord
 
 Lord DERBY, whofe table is almoft divine, 
 
 Whofe cellars are ftor'd with the richeft of wine a 
 
 Next morning invited the Heroes to dine. 
 
 A meafure he try'd, with the hope of prevention 
 
 Of the evils arifing from civil dijjention-. 
 
 They met and agreed on his L,ORT>snip'sfuggeJliott 9 
 
 To make a good meal e'er they handled the Quejlion. 
 
 And I fully concur with his LORDSHIP in thinking 
 
 Good felkw/hty fprings from good eating and drinking, 
 
 And the Modern Philofophers frequently tell ye, 
 
 That to foften the heart, you muft harden the belly. 
 
 At half after three, when they all were grown mellow, 
 
 And the heart of each MANAGER yearn'd on his fellow^ 
 
 His LORDSHIP, th' advantage of concord to teach 'em, 
 
 Read part of that fcene between LOCKIT and PEACHUM, 
 
 Whofe arguments folid, fubftantial, andjlrong, 
 
 Made 'em cry, " BROTHER, BROTHER ! we're both in 
 
 (C the wrong /" 
 
 So they, who laft night were fo hot and high-mettled, 
 Like LOCKJT and PEACHUM, their quarrels have 
 
 fettled. 
 
 Then the Port and the Claret went merrily round, 
 And Difcord itfelf in a bumper w^s drown'd. 
 
 Feb. nth, 1790. 
 
 LET-
 
 r 266 
 
 LETTER L. 
 
 Y U fay that my friends ail umi in 
 Thus SIMKIN, as EDMUND, goes on with impeaching, 
 To fdlow the track HE has long been purfuing, 
 And to verfify all BURKE is faying and doing : 
 Oh, SIMON ! alas ! though I cannot refufe ye, 
 I feai\ 'twill be difficult now to amufe ye ; 
 PLUMBOSO, than whom ne'er exifted a Speaker, 
 Of ideas more dull, or of argument weaker, 
 On the GOURT is prepar'd to infiift an Oration, 
 Which may laft twenty days, by his own calculation; 
 But before my neiv- Hero his Speech fhall begin, 
 As you lately requefted, I'll (hew you wherein 
 He diflents from HIMSELF, in a mode fo capricious, 
 That I'm fadly afraid you \\dll hold it fufpicious ; 
 Nor could aught but his own ipfe dixit, prov'd clear, 
 Induce me to give you its hiftory here. 
 
 You muflknowthen, long fince, onarerfaih occajton, 
 PLUMBOSO employ'd all the arts of perfuafion, 
 To induce INDIA Stockholders not to recal 
 WARREN HASTINGS, the Governor then of Bengal ; 
 
 His
 
 C 6? 3 
 
 His Speech is too tedious for quoting at length, 
 So I'll juft give a tafte of its fpirit and ftrength ; 
 But to do it fome juttice, I muft for the while, 
 Drawl on in the Gentleman's LEADENHALL Stile. 
 
 (C There are, faid he, Directors here, who ftrive 
 f( To taint the pureft character alive 
 " By loofe and general Charges, which I truft 
 < I foon (hall prove unfounded and unjnft. 
 (f With unfuccefsful toil they've labour'd long, 
 tl To find in HASTINGS' conduct fomething wrong, 
 " And having views finifter to promote, 
 te For his recal they've pafs'd a general vote; 
 <( In general terms their Refolutions fay, 
 " That HASTINGS did our orders difobey ; 
 (( That his ambition did in broils engage, 
 <f And complicated wars fuccefsful wage ; 
 " Treaties repugnant made to common fenfe, 
 " And crufli'd the GOMPANY with vaft expence : 
 <( For thefe, and fuch like ills, we deem it meet, 
 " That HASTINGS fhpuld no longer hold his feat. 
 " But mark, my friends, in vain Direction fought 
 " To fix on HASTINGS one fpecific fault ; 
 " And here I callupon their boldeft Man, 
 <e (The challenge let him anfwer if. he can)
 
 C *68 ] 
 
 *' To ftate a SINGLE INSTANCE, or to name 
 
 te ONE ACT that HASTINGS did, deferring BLAME ! ! ! 
 
 " In general terms they couch a cenfure ftrong, 
 
 " T'obftrud our proving, that their cenfure's wrong ; 
 
 <e Thofe only in ambiguous language fpeak, 
 
 " Who feel their proofs and arguments are weak. 
 
 " Now flop awhile and turn your obfervation 
 " To men applauding their own moderation ; 
 " For Wifdom they their reputations raife, 
 " By taking to themfelves another's praife. 
 *' They tell us, the M'HRATTA War is due 
 To HASTINGS tho' they know the fad untrue ,- 
 ** And can DIRECTORS, void of truth and fhame, 
 " For felf-commit ted crimes their SERVANTS blame ? 
 tf Bold truths I fpeak, deny it if ye can, 
 " Our wife DIRECTORS laid the hoftile plan ; 
 " 'Twas their command the peaceful Treaty broke, 
 " War's Trumpet blew, and gave th' aggreffive ftrokc, 
 
 " One fad you'll not believe, when I relate it, 
 " But let them contradict if I mis-ftate it 
 " FLETCHER, whofe voice his own encomium fmgs, 
 '* FLETCHER, who this falfe accufation brings ; 
 " Who told you HASTINGS was the baneful fource 
 " Of War, of Rapine, and of lawlefs Force ;
 
 C 269 ] 
 
 " fbis very FLETCHER d n'd the Treaty made, 
 " And bade them feek occafion to invade ; 
 Cf In thefe mad ads the COMMITTEE join'd, 
 " He firft the war- provoking letter fign'd. 
 <f It was not HASTINGS who the Treaty broke, 
 " FLETCHER was he that did the war provoke : 
 " In fcouting Peace, lay FLETCHER'S moderation 
 " His faith and wifdom in its violation ; 
 (( His juftice, in condemning HASTINGS, flione, 
 " For Crimes his confcience tells him are his own : 
 " FLETCHER ftand forth ! and make thy own defence, 
 " Or clear from foul afperfion, INNOCENCE ! 
 <( On grounds like thefe, are all their charges built, 
 " They^fl tbemfelves, and HASTINGS bears the guilt. 
 Sf Againft one man were e'er fuch fchemes devis'd ? 
 ( Was ever character fo fcrutiniz'd ? 
 <( By two COMMITTEES caft, without a hearing, 
 " Without a friend on his behalf appearing : 
 " But, after proving, by fevereft teft 
 e< Convinc'd, his foes reluctantly confeft, 
 " They had in all his public condud found 
 ' ' Integrity of HEART and judgement found ; 
 <f Experience, knowledge, qualities that muft 
 *' Capacitate a man for PUBLIC TRUST. 
 ". Shall .talents fuch as thefe incur difgrace ? 
 
 <i Shall ignorance and folly take their place ? 
 
 Shall
 
 [ 2 ? ] 
 
 " Shall madnefs drive this PREFECT from his feat, 
 
 " The only Man that can preferve the State ? 
 
 " This our DIRECTORS do, in imitation 
 
 " 0/Fox and BURKE, and THEIR ADMINISTRATION. 
 
 " To prove, howe'er abfurd CHARLES Fox may be, 
 
 " DIRECTORS can be more abfurd than HE : 
 
 " The RAJAH'S Exile, and the BEGUM'S Tales, 
 
 " Which General SMITH fo tenderly bewails, 
 
 " Are facts which fland in need of no defence, 
 
 " Confident all with equity and fenfe : 
 
 " The RAJAH larger tribute juftly paid, 
 
 " The LORD with juftice claims the VASSAL'S aid 
 
 <c With juftice fines, for orders difobey'd. 
 
 " To all their pleadings on the BEGUM'S fide, 
 * r The COMMODOR'E has perfectly reply 'd ; 
 " But groat, what I deny with reafon ftrong, 
 " In fome few cafes HASTINGS acted wrong : 
 ." Yet, no felf-int'reft did his mind miflead, 
 " The Public Weal fuggefted ev'r>r deed 
 c< Accufers, torture facls with all your fkill, 
 me ONE, INTENTIONALLY ill." 
 
 3 
 
 I think, after reading this verfify'd Profe, 
 ^h has nothing but truth to adorn it, God knows !
 
 I 7 3 
 
 {A fac-fimile fketch of the Gentleman's fpeechj 
 You will aft. with what face can PLUMBOSO IMPEACH > 
 Perhaps you'll exclaim, that he's doing the fame, 
 As what fix'd upon FLETCHER indelible fhame, 
 That for HASTISGS'S condud he ought to atone, 
 As by pleading excufes he made it his own. 
 Oh, SIMON ! I've faid, and now fay it again, 
 You know nothing yet of political men ! 
 PLUMBOSO once more would be HASTINGS'S friend, 
 Leave BURKE and tkat party, and HASTINGS defend 
 Could you make him believe it would anfwer his end* 
 This modeft young man had his eye on the Chair 
 Of CALCUTTA'S. Chief Judge, with eight thou&nd a 
 
 year ; 
 
 From PARTY he drives that promotion to draw, 
 Which ought to be his, from \heftudy of Law ; 
 Could HASTINGS aflift him that office to fill, 
 He would vote for him, plead for him, wormip him 
 
 ftill. 
 
 Dear BROTHER, it often has happen'd, no doubt, 
 That in crqfling the Hills, you've miftaken your route;. 
 When finding your error, you gladly came back, 
 And fought for fome other more probable track. 
 So, as HASTINGS his views wanted means to promote, 
 PLUMBOSO gives BURKE his afliftance and vote; 
 
 In
 
 t *7* } 
 
 In Parliament, alfo, he joins Oppofition, 
 As the probable means to improve his condition: 
 For if looks may be trufted, I'll venture to fay, 
 He is in a mournful, deplorable way ; 
 But for or againft, he is free to harangue, 
 And with equal indifference fa-ve HASTINGS, or 
 I know, that to uninform'd beings like you, 
 Such characters muft appear mocking and new ; 
 For I've oft heard you fay, that if B KE were not void 
 Of fhame, his own Brother had ne'er been employ'd : 
 Such remarks, my Dear SIMON, are quite out of feafon, 
 . You fpeak from your feelings and not from your reafon ; 
 PLUMBOSO'S fweet infants, .and Spoufe, muft be fed, 
 BURKE' 's family too, muft not languifh for bread ; 
 Nor muft other wrinkled Difciples of Famine, 
 Be depriv'd of their chance of good fluffing and cram- 
 ming. 
 
 Your flocks and your herds in the Mountains you feedj 
 Induc'd by futurity's probable need ; 
 In the final difpofal, confulting the pay, 
 You fat them, you ftarve them, you kill them or flay. 
 A moment's reflection proves this to be true, 
 One principle governs PLUMBOSO and you. 
 But now from your Mountains, I'd have you come 
 
 down, 
 And mix with the folk that inhabit this town : 
 
 Then
 
 C *73 3 
 
 Then experience will quickly your fentiments change, 
 
 And nothing appear inconfiftent or ftrange ; 
 
 GEORGE HARDINGE once faid WARREN HASTINGS'S 
 
 name, 
 
 JLike CHATHAM'S, would live in the annals of fame. 
 Tf from Infamy's record their foes are exempt, 
 There is nothing can fave them but fcorn and contempt; 
 And with HARRY DUNDAS, 'tis a frequent expreffion, 
 To HASTINGS we owe all our Eaftern Pofleffion. 
 Thefe two for IMPEACHING him, join'd in the vote, 
 And would hang him To-morrow, their ends to pro- 
 mote ; 
 
 For Ingratitude let not your tendernefs weep, 
 'Tis exactly the cafe with yourfelf and your fheep. 
 
 I have fomething to add, which perhaps may be new, 
 And I give you my word, 'tis undoubtedly true : 
 The Genius of BURKE, for the honour of trade, 
 Has a great Lingua -faftory recently made 
 'Tis a kind of a MINT made for Character-finking, 
 And coining anew to an Orator's liking ; 
 BURKE'S Mat, when you put a fair character in, 
 Imprefles upon it the piffure of Sin : 
 But if it be black or deform'd to the view, 
 It can beautify alfo by coining anew. 
 
 T And
 
 [ *74 1 
 
 And what is ftill more, it can alter, with eafe, 
 Appearances juft as the Orators pleafe ; 
 But JOSEPH, who thinks he has equal pretenfion, 
 Difputes with his LEADER the right of invention : 
 Yet I hope they'll agree, and conjointly apply 
 For a PATENT, which MAJESTY cannot deny. 
 Not HERSCHEH,, who found out the Roads in the Mow, 
 Not the Chymical Head which contriv'd a Balloon ; 
 Not the man who firft gave us the notion of Print, 
 Is greater than BURKE in his Charafter-Mint. 
 
 Oh, GEORGE ! fhouldft thou hold it in juft eftima- 
 
 tion, 
 
 And think, like myfelf, that 'twill better thy nation, 
 To reward his defert, and encourage invention, 
 A3 well as a Patent, oh ! grant BURKE a Penfton : 
 For not even thy Gold, mould his Currency pafs, 
 Will illumine thy name like his Copper and Brafs. 
 But now, my Dear BROTHER, this Letter I end, 
 And another new Speech I hereafter (hall fend 
 When I fairly have heard what PLUMBOSO can fay, 
 And have found him deny what he faid t'other day. 
 
 Feb. ifith, 1790. 
 
 LET-
 
 LETTER LI. 
 SIMKIN TO SIMON. 
 
 J.F my Letter fliould give you lefs pleafure and fport 
 Than ANSTRUTHER laft Tuefday afforded the COURT, 
 I expect you will take up your Pen, to implore 
 That on fubjects like this I will write you no more. 
 But among all the virtues by POETS polTeft, 
 FIDELITY being the rareft, is belt; 
 I therefore mail ftrictly adhere to my plan, 
 And give you the words of this verfatile man, 
 Who arofe in his place, and thus fpeaking began : 
 
 " You remember, my LUDS, when the PARLIA- 
 
 " MENT Clos'd, 
 
 " I told you the taik which my LEADER impos'd. 
 " Some years have elapfed, fince it fell to my lot, 
 " (I remind you thereof, as you may have forgot), 
 li To fum up what proof we were able to bring, 
 " As to HASTINGS'S conduct to RAJAH CHEYT SING ; 
 " I proved to your Ludjhips by arguments ftrong, 
 " That HASTINGS was always externally wrong; 
 
 T 2 " And
 
 (e And now 'tis a </#/y Incumbent to add, 
 
 " That his conduct was alfo internally bad ; 
 
 " For whether we view him without or within, 
 
 " We fee nothing elfe but the Picture of Sin." 
 
 The HERO went on in this manner of pleading, 
 Whilft fome were his former Antithefis reading : 
 They afk'd, if the man whom he thus reprehended, 
 Was the fame whom he formerly praised and defended ? 
 And concluded at laft, that 'twas only the name 
 Which milled them to fancy the perfon the fame. 
 They fuppofe the Defender was ANSTRUTHER'S Brother, 
 Or mftead of this HASTINGS, it muft be fome other : 
 But whilft their identity was in debate, 
 PLUMBOSO announced he was going tojlate : 
 Then he ftated I cannot precifely tell what, 
 Or, if ever I knew, I remember it not 
 Twas fomething of HASTINGS'S having deftroy'd 
 Six Revenue Councils, and having employ'd 
 Black Agents, who folio w'd his orders and rules, 
 When they brought into ufe a Committee of Tools. 
 The Committee of Tools, he was free to admit, 
 For the requifite ufe, might be proper and fit ; 
 But becaufe they were qualify'd well for a pott, 
 They, of all people, fliould be avoided the mod. 
 
 He
 
 I *77 3 
 
 He faid, that when HASTINGS had fully demolilh'd 
 All check and controul, by thus having abolifli'd 
 The Revenue Councils, he fear'd no detection, 
 And gave to the SINGS an extenfive collection. 
 
 Here the Hero, with gravity folemn, defcribes 
 The places and times of receiving the bribes ; 
 And tho' HASTINGS carry 'd the total amount 
 Of all he receiv'd to the public account, 
 Yet ANSTRUTHER thinks that he meant to have kept 
 
 it 
 
 Why elfe, in God's name, did he ever accept it ? 
 Of this he declar'd he had perfect conviction 
 From his Minutes, containing a flat contradiction. 
 
 >s, I (hall (hew 'tis extremely abfurd 
 " To credit a man that departs from his word : 
 " When a man with himfelf in diffention we find, 
 " 'Tis evidence ftrong of a very bad mind." 
 
 Here their Lordfhips to each other laughingly faic 
 " The blow which the Orator gave his own Head, 
 " Hadfrafturd the Jkull if it hadnot been LEAD." 
 Whilft the Ladies, all te ndernefs, ftar'd, I fuppofe, 
 Expecting to fee the blood run from bis nofe. 
 
 T 3 To 
 
 , 1 
 J
 
 [ 278 3 
 
 To demonftrate his great architectural fenfe, 
 
 And rhetorical Jkill, he declar'd the Defence 
 
 Of HASTINGS was built of materials unfound, 
 
 The foundation of which he would pull to the ground. 
 
 Having (hewn himfelf thus a. profound Rhetorician, 
 
 He prov'd himfelf next a moft able Logician. 
 
 " My LUDS, to your LudJJjips I'm going to ftate ; 
 " But firft I muft beg you'll attend to the Date : 
 " January the xoth, the year Eighty-two, 
 <( This Letter was written which cannot be true ; 
 " The fhip fail'd in March ; for which reafon I fay, 
 " 'Twas only apparently written that day." 
 
 To prove himfelf very precife and exact 
 In quotation, as well as in ftatement of fact, 
 He firft told the LORDS, that he meant to extract 
 A paflage from HASTINGS'S Letter, and next, 
 He gave his own Comment inftead of the Text. 
 " My LUDS, \ver'ha.ve no direft proof to adduce, 
 " That the Prefentswere taken for HASTINGS'S ufe ; 
 " But yet, tho' the Evidence is not direct, 
 " Conflruftive muft ferve to fupply the defect. 
 " On proof by coti/truftion did DONELLAN die, 
 " Then in HASTINGS'S cafe let conftruftion apply. 
 
 " My
 
 " My LUDS, to your LudJJrips I'm going to ftate, 
 
 {C That folk tvitbout-daor are with triumph elate, 
 
 " Becaufe DE BY SING was on trial acquitted 
 
 <e Of the cruelties EDMUND declares he committed ; 
 
 " But, my LUDS, notwithstanding that BUR KE'salle- 
 
 (( gation 
 
 " Was made, I admit, without proper foundation ; 
 se And tho* DEBY SING was butilightly to blame, 
 " Yet HASTINGS'S guilt is precifely the fame : 
 " For HASTINGS the Government held at the time 
 " Refponfible therefore for every crime ; 
 " Whence-ever crimes rife, or wherever they fall, 
 ({ All the guilt is his own let him anfwer for all !" 
 
 In this manner ANSTRUTHER expended three hours, 
 And aftonifh'd the COURT by the length of his pow'rs; 
 But flill all this Jtafing, re-ftating, and Jhowtng, 
 Left me and moft others extremely unknowing : 
 For we could not find .out, in the mafs of confufion, 
 One clear allegation, or proof, or conclufion ; 
 And as for my own part, with mame I confefs ; 
 The more I attend, I remember the lefs ; 
 By the JUDGES, no doubt, he is well underftood, 
 But to me he appear'd like a fox in a wood, 
 Where hounds inexperienc'd may wander about 
 All day, without rinding the animal out. 
 
 T 4 At
 
 At leaft twenty times had the Hero repeated, 
 
 " My LUDS, / havejhewn, I have prov'd, I have Jiated" 
 
 When I afk'd the By-ftanders to tell what was (hewn, 
 
 But their knowledge appear'd to be lefs than my own ; 
 
 If therefore my Letter's perplex'd and obfcure, 
 
 "Tis an evil that does not admit of a cure. 
 
 In the morning, the HALL was but thinly attended, 
 And deferted almoft e'er the ftory was ended. 
 Tho' HASTINGS, as ufual, was often abufed, 
 'Twas fo heavily done, that we were not amufed ; 
 Of courfe I refolv'd on poftponing my Letter, 
 In hopes the next day would produce fomething better ; 
 But in this expectation again I was wrong, 
 We had only the Clerk's monotonical fong. 
 
 Before I've quite finim'd this Letter, I'll mention 
 The reafon of JOSEPH and EDMUND'S diffention ; 
 The latter maintains, it were fafeft and beft, 
 That the Confcience of Men mould be put to the teft ; 
 Whilft the former, a man of ideas enlarg'd, 
 Whofe troublefome confcience has long been difcharg'd, 
 To doctrines reftrtftive can never agree, 
 But would have, like his ozvn, ev'ry Confdence go free. 
 
 Feb. 23d, 1790. 
 
 LET-
 
 LETTER LTI. 
 
 JL/EAR SIMON, it needs muft afflid you to know, 
 
 That the MANAGERS' Sox is deferted by JOE ; 
 
 But, by way of affording you fome confolation, 
 
 'Tis fuppos'd that he means to compofe an oration, 
 
 To deliver in perfon, not many months hence, 
 
 In the HOUSE of St. STEPHEN, in WARREN'S Defence 
 
 And to prove that the Party by BURKE was mifled 
 
 He will contradict all that he formerly faid. 
 
 He'll affirm the DEFENDANT'S of virtue a pattern, 
 
 And the BEGUM of OUDE a deteftable flattern ; 
 
 For on this fide or that JOSEPH enters the lift, 
 
 And partners are chang'd, like a rubber of whift. 
 
 But now your attention once more I recal, 
 
 To the MANAGER'S Battles in WESTMINSTER HALL 
 
 PLUMBOSO, alas ! indefcribably dull, 
 
 On Tuefday faid nothing for SIMKIN to cull; 
 
 And, indeed, 'tis a point of incertitude, whether 
 
 The COURT had not loft all the Ladies together, 
 
 If EDMUND, Great EDMUND ! who always attends, 
 
 .Had not made us, on Thurfday, fome little amends. 
 
 But
 
 But now, in difcharge of my truft as RECORDER, 
 The Proceedings of Thurfday I'll give you in order. 
 
 PLUMBOSO addrefs'd himfelf thus to the Peers 
 " My Ludsy I mall ftate, /'* the courfe of three years 
 " All the Revenues which in BENGAL were collected, 
 " Amounted to lefs than what HASTINGS expected : 
 " In the three former years, I mail mew an excefs, 
 " Whilft the following three were productive of lefs." 
 'Twere needlefs the Evidence here to rehearfe 
 'Tis fufficient to fay that it prov'd the reverfe. 
 PLUMBOSO next faid He was ready and willing 
 To prove GOONGA GOVIND a terrible villain ; 
 And, this to effect, he proceeded to quote 
 A Letter, which LARK INS from INDIA wrote 
 It ftated that GOONGA'S detention of treafure, 
 In HASTINGS'S mind had excited difpleafure ; 
 Then the Hero, from HASTINGS, a document brought, 
 To mew GOONGA GOVIND was never in fault. 
 At the moment, it ftruck me, that this accufation 
 Was brought againft HASTINGS, in retaliation 
 For SCOTT'S charging PLUMMY with like variation. 
 Perhaps, in your fnarling farcaftical way, 
 On the reading of this, you'll be tempted to fay 
 
 2- That
 
 C 8 3 ] 
 
 That LARKiNsand HASTINGS, like Calvin and Luther, 
 Are perfons di&inct, but that PLUMB and ANSTRU- 
 
 THER 
 
 Are one and the fame and 'tis thence more abfurd, 
 In PLUMMY to vary from ANSTRUTHER'S word. 
 
 Having thus prov'd, that GOONGA was vaftly to 
 
 blame, 
 
 He would prove KELLORAM was precifely the fame- 
 An unprincipled fellow, (perhaps a Dffhiter), 
 And therefore unfit for a Company's Renter. 
 This Char after -cutting awaken'd the feeling 
 Of the foft-hearted LAW, who is clever at healing; 
 He mov'd " That the MANAGERS might not enlarge 
 " On matter which could not be found in the Charge.** 
 Here the bufmefs appear'd to be ill underftood, 
 For tho' LAW could not find it, the MANAGERS cou'd : 
 For Charafter-cutting PLUMBOSO contended, 
 And declar'd, upon that the whole Trial depended 
 " For myLuds, to your Ludfhips unlefs we can ftate, 
 " That HASTINGS'S Renters were villains complete, 
 t( That his motives were bad beyond all contradiction, 
 " We mail never be able to carry convidion." 
 
 Here BURKE, fpringing up, a comparifon drew 
 From the Merchant of VENICE and SHYLOCK the Jew. 
 
 In
 
 C 284 J 
 
 In language pathetic the Leader complained, 
 That in cutting of HASTINGS his hand is reftrain'd : 
 " My LORDS, on reflection, it needs muft be found 
 " That the Counfel have taken untenable ground 
 " From the body of HASTINGS, fuppofe it be true, 
 " That but one pound of flefh is the MANAGERS' due> 
 " Yet we hope that your LORDSHIPS will let us take 
 
 " two. 
 
 " In criminal cafes, except only this 
 <s To aft with precifion may not be ami is ; 
 " But the cutting of HASTINGS, and fpillinghis blood a 
 <( For the cure of extortion's a recipe good : 
 " So we truft that your LORDSHIPS will not bid us flop, 
 *' But let us proceed till we fpill the laft drop. 
 * f My LORDS, to the Proverb whoever attends, 
 * ( Muft know that a chain has a couple of ends ; 
 " And that, by experience, 'tis constantly found, 
 " That the perfon who binds, is in vinculo bound : 
 tf That is, whofoever brings forth accufation, 
 " Is bound to eftablifh his own allegation. 
 " My LORDS, in the caufe we are hearty and fteady, 
 " And to prove all we fay are both willing and ready ; 
 " And do it we (hall, by God's blefling and gift, 
 " If your Honour and Juftice will lend us a lift : 
 " Your LORDSHIPS, I think, muft undoubtedly know, 
 " How much we are hated above and below : 
 
 If
 
 285 ] 
 
 " If HASTINGS hereafter acquitted mould be, 
 
 " Pray what will become of my colleagues and me ? 
 
 " Your LORDSHIPS mould, therefore, in commifera- 
 
 " tion 
 " Of our dangers, indulge us in ftrong aggravation," 
 
 And I think, my dear BROTHER, as moft people muft, 
 'Twere better that HASTINGS, by fentence unjuft, 
 Shou'd fuffer for crimes that he never committed, 
 Than BURKE be difgrac'd by his being acquitted : 
 But LAW, who, perhaps, never made this reflection, ' 
 Or weakly fuppofes a Lawyer's protection 
 Is due to the Client, renew'd his objection. 
 So the LORDS were in confequence forc'd to retreat, 
 And on KELLORAM'S character held a debate. 
 
 They return'd and the MANAGERS then were ac- 
 quainted, 
 
 That KELLORAM'S character muft not be tainted ; 
 But EDMUND, much hurt by their LORDSHIPS' decilion, 
 Made a comment or two, in the way of revifion : 
 
 " The COMMONS, my LORDS, do but ill undcr- 
 
 " ftand 
 " The technical forms of the Law of the land ; 
 
 And
 
 [ 'S6 ] 
 
 tl And as few of us here are profefiional men, 
 
 " We a latitude claim for the tongue and the pen ; 
 
 " And not being bred in LEGALITY'S Schools, 
 
 " We fet at defiance all fhackles and rules : 
 
 " We are privileged men, and the Guardians of Free- 
 
 " dom, 
 
 <e And liberties take whenfoever we need 'em. 
 " My LORDS, there muft follow a confequence bad, 
 " If the MANAGERS are not permitted to add 
 " New matter at pleafure, without going back 
 " To St. STEPHEN'S for licence to change the attack : 
 ** From the Chapel new Charges, 'tis true, we may 
 
 bring, 
 
 " And give the old Story about DEBY SING : 
 " But I vvifh not, my LORDS, to put this to the proof, 
 *' Left the Commons Jhou'd fay, we have voted enough. 
 " My LORDS, your decilion, tho' ill underftood, 
 (s Was made, without doubt, on a principle good : 
 " A PRISONER, you think, (hou'd be tenderly us'd, 
 <f And anfwer that only of which he's accus'd ; 
 " But HASTINGS, my LORDS, has long fince been ac- 
 
 " quainted, 
 *' That we thought KELLORAM deferv'd not to be 
 
 " fainted 
 
 " Belides, mould the COMMONERS Articles draw 
 tf According to rules, and thecuftoms of Law, 
 
 (( I main-
 
 I *8 7 ] 
 
 " 1 maintain it would bean iniquitous breach 
 
 " Of Privilege, granted to thofe who IMPEACH 
 
 " But, my LORDS, it would make all the MANAGERS 
 
 " glad, 
 " To prove KELLORAM bore a character bad." 
 
 All this notwithstanding, the COURT ne'er expreft 
 The lead inclination to grant his requefl ; 
 This failing, PLUMBOSO more artfully try'd 
 To bring in his proof on the oppofite fide : 
 But HASTINGS'S Counfel the danger forefaw, 
 And the door was clofe barr'd by the vigilant LAW. 
 Then BURKE wou'd have prov'd, had the LORDS not 
 
 refus'd him, 
 
 That HASTINGS'S Libellers daily abus'd him ; 
 And what he conceiv'd a more dangerous thing, 
 Was, their knowing the proof he intended to bring : 
 But LAW, who on EDMUND dill fixes his eye, 
 Begg'd to know to what Article this could apply : 
 In a few minutes after their LORDSHIPS adjourn 'd, 
 And the MANAGERS all to St. STEPHEN'S return'd. 
 
 One thing, my dear BROTHER, I have to remark. 
 Upon fomething I lately was told by a CLERK : 
 CHARLES faid to the CHANCELLOR, not a week back, 
 That in five or fix days they wou'd end the attack. 
 
 I was
 
 [ 2 88 ] 
 
 1 was frighten'd at this, and inclined to fuppofe, 
 That in lefs than a twelvemonth the Trial would clofe- 
 But now I'm convinc'd that my CHIEF will endeavour 
 To make the IMPEACHMENT continue for EVER ; 
 And I hope that the LORDS his endeavours will blefs, 
 And grant him, in all things, the wim'd-for fuccefs. 
 
 March 2<J, 1790. 

 
 An ALLEGORICAL TALE. 
 
 "The CACKLING HEN, DUNGHILL COCK, and HAWK. 
 
 JL OUR Students and great Scholars know, 
 That many thoufand years ago, 
 The birds which in the foreft fung, 
 Poflefs'd the powers of human tongue. 
 There liv'd at the aforefaid time, 
 A Cackling Hen of flight fublime, 
 Within whofe walk was often picking 
 An ill-fhap'd, half-flarv'd, Dunghill Chicken ; 
 This Dunghill Chicken got a feat 
 Among the Fowls which rul'd the State, 
 Where, hearing that a certain Hawk 
 Had done fome mifchief in his walk, 
 Either by aiding of his foes, 
 Or fomething elfe that no one knows ; 
 He did refolve (his fchemes to further) 
 To charge the Hawk with horrid murther : 
 The Hawk, as I have heard the ftory, 
 Flew to the Moon in queft of glory ; 
 
 U The
 
 [ 2 9 ] 
 The feather'd Prince who rules the Moon, 
 
 In war employ 'd this young Dragoon; 
 Where he fuccefsful honours fought, 
 And many a Battle bravely fought. 
 
 It happen'd, that fome years ago, 
 The Prince profcrib'd a plundering Crow ; 
 But what induc'd him to profcribe 
 This Leader of a fable tribe, 
 Was this ; the Crow both night and day, 
 Was looking out in queft of prey, 
 And carry'd all he found away. 
 At length, the Hawk by fudden fpring, 
 Fix'd on the Crow and broke his wing : 
 The Crow before the Prince was brought, 
 And juftly fentenc'd for his fault. 
 The news foon reach'd the black Banditti, 
 Who mov'd with anger and with pity, 
 Arofe in arms, refolv'd to fave 
 Their pilfering Leader from the grave. 
 The Hawk, who fcarce a morning fince,, 
 Receiv'd an order from his Prince,, 
 To execute the rebel Crow, 
 Forefaw, and ftruck the timely blow. 
 The Dunghill Chicken, who had heard 
 Thisftory by the Hawk averr'd,
 
 [ 291 ] 
 
 Thought by this means to over-reach him, 
 
 And mov'd the Afiembly to impeach him. 
 
 He faid, the lunar feather'd King 
 
 Had done a moft unlawful thing, 
 
 In fentencing the Crow to die, 
 
 And then he told the Aflembly why : 
 
 " It is It is It is, becaufe 
 
 e { 'Twas not by Sublunary Laws : 
 
 " My fentiments I can't exprefs, 
 
 " You'll underftand me ne'er the lefs. 
 
 " This is my own, my fix'd opinion, 
 
 " The Lunar Prince had no dominion. 
 
 " How do we know the Crow was try'd 
 
 " By thole who juftly might decide ? 
 
 " And that they follow'd all the rules 
 
 " Prefcrib'd by Sublunary Schools ? 
 
 u Our want of proof and knowledge mow 
 
 " That this faid Hawk, who kill'd the Crow, 
 
 " Had murder done, and mould exhibit 
 
 " His body on a lofty Gibbet." 
 
 He cackled much, but every Bird 
 
 Declar'd his cackling was abfurd ; 
 
 At laft, as well might be expected, 
 
 The Chicken's ftory was rejected. 
 
 U 2 The
 
 t 2 9 Z 3 
 
 The Hawk, who heard himfelf accus'd, 
 And did not like to be abus'd, 
 Next morning went to give the Chicken 
 A Lecture upon quarrel -picking. 
 The Chicken, who forefaw the Lecture, 
 Call'd to his aid his great Protector, 
 A cackling Hen, a lingual Hector. 
 The Hawk, impatient, did denounce 
 His aim, before he made the Pounce ; 
 So that the Chicken would not walk 
 One ftep alone, nor even talk 
 One word in private with the Hawk. 
 The cackling Hen then fpread her wing, 
 And faid, " Twas an atrocious thing, 
 te When Birds of State are fpeeches making, 
 " To hinder them from freedom taking : 
 " Hundreds and hundreds I've accus'd, ' -^ 
 
 " And tho' fome thoufands I've abus'd, 
 " I never was fo roughly us'd. J 
 
 " Sooner than I'll permit the Hawk 
 " To flop the Chicken in his talk, 
 " Or let them have a fpar together, 
 " Indeed I'd part with every feather; 
 " Sooner than fuffer fuch a thing 
 te To happen, I would burn my wing. 
 
 " A Dung^
 
 [ 93 .1 
 
 " A Dunghill Chicken's tittle tattle 
 
 ff Should not provoke a Hawk to battle. 
 
 Nor does it to myfelf appear, 
 
 if The Hawk had any right to hear : 
 
 (( For whether it was good or ill, 
 
 <( J Twas faid upon our own Dunghill ; 
 
 " And ev'ry Dunghill Cock, you know, 
 
 " Of right may on his Dunghill crow." 
 
 Thus the Old Hen contriv'd to baulk 
 The vengeance of the pouncing Hawk ; 
 Who, without either Judge or. Jury, 
 Had flain the Chicken in his fury, 
 And verify'd the Chicken's faying, 
 That he (the Hawk) was fond of flaying; 
 But now the difappointed Hawk, 
 (Who though a fighter could not talk) 
 Finding he could not make a dart, 
 Nor get the Hen and Chick a- part, 
 Submitted to this hard condidon-r^ 
 That Dunghill Fowls mould, by permiffion, 
 On their own Dunghills broach a lye, 
 Provided Hawks may make reply. 
 
 April ad, 1790, 
 
 U 3 LET-
 
 C 2 94 
 
 LETTER LIU. 
 
 S I M K I N TO SIMON. 
 
 INDEED, my dear BROTHER, you'll feel yourfelf 
 
 wrong, 
 
 In declaring that SIM. has been filent too long ; 
 When you find that for want of fome pleafanter fluff, 
 I am forc'd to put up with 'Tobacco and Snuff. 
 That HERO whogain'd reputation and fame, 
 By pleading the caufe of a Dowager Dame, 
 Joe Surface, I mean, who was mightily proud 
 To be rank'd as the Knight of the BEGUMS of OUDE, 
 Is the champion of Smoakers, and Sntiffy-nos'd Beauties, 
 To exonerate <S/^and Tobacco from duties. 
 Three Hours and a Half, by his voluble tongue, 
 On Snuff and Tobacco the changes were rung ; 
 But firft let me fay, he commenc'd his Oration 
 By ftoutly defending bis own reputation. 
 
 " Mr. SPEAKER, (faid JOE) ever finCe I arofe, 
 " In defence of our Nofes, this Tax to oppofe, 
 
 2 " My
 
 f< Nly fame once fofpotlefs, with STAPLE abufe, 
 
 " All the MINISTER'S Prints have combin'd to 
 
 " traduce ; 
 <e They have faid, fince in favour I grew with His 
 
 " HIGHNESS, 
 
 " The DUKE has look'd on with fufpicion and fhynefs ; 
 f{ That I, Traitor-like, have been falfe to the League, 
 (( And have fever'd two HOUSES by artful intrigue. 
 " It would be, Mr. SPEAKER, my glory and pride, 
 ff If the COMMONS, the LORDS, and the PEOPLE 
 
 " befide, 
 l( Like his GRACE, would approve of my faying and 
 
 " doing, 
 
 " And permit me to fave the whole Nation from ruin. 
 " Shou'd ANY my CHARACTER dare to attack, 
 ** And to hint that both Private and Public are black ; 
 te That in ANY ONE PART, my Efcutcheon is blotted, 
 " Or the ikin of my legs even fpeckled or fpotted ; 
 " I fay, and I truft, it will ne'er be forgot, 
 <f I defy human Malice to find out a fpot ; 
 *' And unlefs any Gentleman rife in his place, 
 <( And will point out fome adion, DISHONEST or BASE, 
 " Although from reproach I may not be exempt, 
 " All abufe out of doors, I mail treat with contempt : 
 " To anonymous fcandal I ne'er mail reply, 
 " And for warfare to trifling, MY MIND is too high ; 
 
 U 4 " For
 
 C 296 ] 
 
 " For I live in a land where a man cuts a figure, 
 '' In proportion to intellect, fpirit, and vigour." 
 
 Whilft this was deliver'd by JOSEPH, in thunder, 
 I obferv'd all the Hearers were gaping with wonder ; 
 All fmitten, perhaps, by the force of conviftion, 
 For they could not fuppofe JOE was dealing In fiction, 
 And indeed, my Dear Simon, with grief and furprizc, 
 I reflect on the many malevolent lies, 
 Which of late thro' the wicked Metropolis ran, 
 Concerning this worthy, refpeftable Man. 
 But in cafe you've not heard them, the (lories I mean, 
 Are his urging the P to difpute with the Q^-; 
 That when he had rais'd himfelf up to the top 
 Of the ladder, he fpeedily kick'd down the prop ; 
 That being too haughty, too great to be led, 
 Of the Party, his vanity made him the head ; 
 Whilft the DUKE growing jealous, declar'd him unfit 
 To impofe Loans and Taxes, in lieu of YOUNG PITT : 
 That the entre to Drury, to make up a fum, 
 Honeft JOSEPH had fold, for ten feafons to come ; 
 And thus he efcap'd, at a critical pinch, 
 For you know 'tis unfafe to DRIVER'*/? to an inch : 
 That a worthy old man had his fortune inverted, 
 Where JOEY'S beft bopes, for the prejent, are refted, 
 
 i But
 
 C 297 j 
 
 But had lately been forc'd to abandon the realm, 
 Tho' JOSEPH flood firm, with his eye on the HELM, 
 From Duns well fecur'd, by a feat in a place, 
 Where non-payment of debts was ne'er reckon'd dif- 
 
 grace. 
 
 Thefe, and other detejlable, infamous tales, 
 Through England are fpread, and, perhaps, have 
 
 reach'd Wales. 
 
 And 'twas faid, that without fome efpecial proteftion, 
 Sir ELIJAH would ouft him at Stafford Election.; 
 But after fo bold, and fo manly a Speech, 
 Who, in future, will venture his fame to impeach. 
 After much contemplation, I'm free to admit, 
 As a Mtnifter, I prefer JOSEPH to PITT ; 
 Harm Laws ev'ry SefTion, by PITT are enafted, 
 To pay off the Debts which by NORTH were contracted; 
 But were JOSEPH a Minifter, he could contrive 
 To make Debtor and Creditor equally thrive ; 
 That is, he would raife money fome other way, 
 Than by taxing the Public, the public to pay ; 
 For tho' they are Debtor and Creditor both, 
 To receive they are prompt, but to pay they are loth. 
 Now JOE, fo his friends and his enemies fay, 
 Has been us'd to receive, not accuftom'd to pay ; 
 For his genius inventive, has found out refources, 
 To fupply, without cafli, his extravagant courfes ; 
 
 And
 
 And were JOSEPH the MINISTER, doubtlefs, he would 
 llisfecret difclofejfo/' the National good : 
 Or would ftrike out a mode, for the Public to get 
 The Interefi, at leaft, on its great load of debt. 
 
 But, alas ! notwithftanding his eloquent pleading, 
 I fee little profpeft of JOSEPH'S fucceeding; 
 For PITT, and his friends, feem'd to think he was joking, 
 Tho' he talk'd for three hours on fnuff-taking and 
 
 fmoaking ; 
 
 Yet I cannot but own, 'tis exceedingly hard, 
 That virtue, like JOSEPH'S, fhould fail of reward; 
 But the Chapter of Accidents frill may befriend hiir^ 
 And when next he burfts forth, better luck may attend him. 
 
 Farewell, my Dear Brother, this Letter I end, 
 But when ANSTRUTHER opens, I another will fend. 
 
 April aid, 1790.. 
 
 LET-
 
 C 2 99 3 
 
 LETTER JLIV. 
 
 JLrf A S T Thurfday, DEAR BROTHER, by half after 
 
 one, 
 
 WARREN HASTINGS'S Trial once more was begun; 
 PLUMBOSO fet off, with exprefling his wonder, 
 At difcovering fome typographical blunder ; 
 Which having corrected, as well ashecou'd, 
 He requefted their LORDSHIPS would then be fo good 
 As to hear him go on with his ftating, and mowing, 
 Some things, which he fancy'd were fit for their know- 
 ing: 
 
 He faicj " I believe I can make it appear, 
 " That the COMPANY'S TENANTS were much in 
 
 " arrear, 
 
 tf And that HASTINGS had let them their Leafes too 
 " dear. j 
 
 " Forty Thoufand Pounds Sterling, or near that amount, 
 " WARREN HASTINGS receiv'd on the public account, 
 " And I'm going to prove, the receipt of that fum 
 *' Dry'd up the refources for ages to come : 
 " The Papers and Documents, now in my hands, 
 " Will prove KELLORAM'S having rented fome lands, 
 
 Which
 
 C 30 ] 
 
 " Which lands, upon terms fo injurious, were let, 
 " As to bring the poor Renter extremely in debt: 
 " This was HASTINGS'S doing, and, in the event, 
 et The COMPANY fuffer'd, by IqfingfoMe Rent." 
 
 Here LAW, (who is fkill'd in defence and attack, 
 And who loves to fee ANSTRUTHERj^nzzc'/ on his lack 9 
 Who always a pleafure malevolent feels, 
 Whenever he trips up a MANAGER'S heels.,) 
 Objected to ANSTRUTHER'S document reading, 
 And thereby put a ftop to his rapid proceeding. 
 Heobferv'd to their LORDSHIPS, he could not fee why 
 They (hould read any Papers that did not apply- 
 He faid, he was fure there was no allegation, 
 To which the faid Papers bore any relation ; 
 That the MANAGERS ought not/0 wander at large+ 
 To feek criminality, not in the Charge. 
 
 Then PLUMMY requcfted their LORDSHIPS would 
 
 note, 
 
 Twas a confequent circumftance, near or remote. 
 As the HERO appear'd to be heavily preft, 
 And, for want of an argument, deeply diftreft : 
 Great EDMUND and CHARLES, when they faw him 
 
 difmay'd, 
 Like JUNO and PALLAS, came down to his aid. 
 
 A bat-
 
 t 3' 3 
 
 A battle enfued, not with Piftols and Swords, 
 Some DUELS were fought, and the weapons were Words : 
 Three hours they engag'd, without Hopping or ftaying, 
 Each other they cut, without killing or flaying. 
 
 According to CHARLES, Mfdemeanour'sa.cr\mc t 
 In proportion to conference, manner, and time : 
 According to THURLOW, they ihould not enlarge 
 The defcription of Crimes, but go on with the Charge ; 
 And the granting of Leafes, for lefs than they ought, 
 He confider'd, as making a feparate fault, 
 Which into fome ARTICLE mould have been brought. 
 But CHARLEY contended, that all aggravations, 
 LikePELioN on OSSA, mould load Allegations ; 
 And that, tp eftablifh the truth of one fact, 
 You mould evidence bring of a confequent Aft. 
 Then the CHANCELLOR faid " 'Twas unufual to 
 
 " plead, 
 " Or to anfwer a Charge that has never been made. 
 
 i 
 
 ! 
 
 Here EDMUND declar'd " 'twas improper to draw 
 Regulations for MANAGERS, out of the Law ; 
 That men, who were bleft with a liberal mind, 
 Could not brook the idea of being confn'd; 
 
 "And
 
 cc And as HASTINGS'S crimes were riot murder dr 
 
 " treafon, 
 
 " He could not difcover a fhadow of reafon, 
 " Why their LORDSHIPS, in mere Mi/demeanour, fliould 
 
 " bind 'em 
 " From feeking new Charges, where'er they could 
 
 "find 'em; 
 
 " And, indeed, I mail think it uncommonly ftrange, 
 " If a MANAGER is not permitted to range : 
 " Reftriction, My LORDS, would our energy damp, 
 " And our tongues would be hurt by a fit of the Cramp : 
 " But, my LORDS, I've a reafon that forces conviction, 
 " Why a MANAGER fliould not lie under reflriftion. 
 <e I've heard it reported, not many days fmce, 
 <c That HASTINGS intends to forego his defence; 
 " For, it feems, an idea has enter 'd the head 
 " Of himfelf, and fome others, that ALL we have faid 
 *' Amounts to juft nothing^ but wafting of time, 
 4e And difburfement of caih, without reafon or rhyme ; 
 <{ But, My LORDS, I am rather inclin'd to fuppofe 
 " That the Prisoner's afraid of the MANAGERS' blows ; 
 s * That the danger of being repeatedly ftruck, 
 (f Has taught him to dive like a dog-bunted duck : 
 
 "For
 
 [ 33 ] 
 
 " For this reafon, My LORDS, are the MANAGERS 
 
 " ftriving 
 
 " To bring in new matter, by way of depriving 
 f< The Rogue of th' advantage of ducking and diving. 
 
 " My LORDS, let him duck, if he pleafes ; why then"J 
 '* Five and twenty intrepid, invincible men, > 
 
 " When he pops up his head, will have at him agen : j 
 t{ But, MY LORDS, I befeech you, for fear we mould not 
 " Opportunity find of repeating theyfto/, 
 " To let us go on with our firing and popping, 
 " As faft as we can, till we fee the BIR D dropping." 
 
 In this manner did EDMUND his arguments prefs 
 On the Court, with much humour and little fuccefs. 
 Twas half after four when their LORDSHIPS withdrew, 
 To confult about what was moft proper to do, 
 Which as foon as I know, J fliall forward to 
 
 -vithdrew, "J 
 
 " 
 
 you. 
 
 There was one thing, however, as I underftood, 
 Which (hews PLUMMY'S heart is furprifmgly good; 
 Tho' he made it appear, that the COMPANY gained 
 Half a Million almoft, yet he loudly complain'd, 
 With tears in his eyes, of the lofs they fuftain'd. 
 
 Fare-
 
 C 34 3 
 
 Farewell I and rejoice, for the feafon is coming, 
 When all will go mad to hear CHARLES Fox's fum- 
 
 ming; 
 
 For he is the HERO by EDMUND appointed, 
 For putting togetle? what PLUMMY disjointed. 
 
 April 27th, 1790. 
 
 LET,
 
 LETTER LV. 
 
 I SAID in my laft that their LOR DSHIPS withdrew, 
 To confider of what was expedient to do; 
 When the COURT re-aflembled, the CHANCELLOR faid, 
 " That ANSTRUTHER'S papers ought not to be read ; 
 (l That the MANAGERS ought to make no variations, 
 " Nor the Articles burthen with new accufations.'* 
 Then CHARLEY fet off with Calamity s cry, 
 That he did not know WHAT, that be could not tell WHY : 
 Then he fadly lamented their keeping the ground 
 Of their Judgement from him fuch a fecret profound : 
 He refolv'd to fubmit to it, never thelefs, 
 As no method occurr'd of obtaining redrefs. 
 
 PLUMBOSO now felt himfelf hurt and defeated, 
 \s the LORDS had rejected whatever he flated; 
 He therefore determin'd to do by the tongue, 
 What he could not by paper fo call'd upon YOUNG. 
 He wanted to know, whether he underflood, 
 The bell means to let Lands, for the COMPANY'S good 
 And his duty official, as well as he fhou'd ? 
 
 X Then
 
 C 36 3 
 
 Then he wifh'd to inquire, if the OFFICE he got 
 
 His emolument from, mould be broken or not ? 
 
 He afk'd, if in making anew BUNDOBUST, 
 
 Himfelf or a Black were more fit for the Irujt; 
 
 And, fuppofing the value of lands were adjufted, 
 
 Whether YOUNG, or the RAJAH, were fit to be trufted 5 
 
 As PLUMMY proceeded, thus certain and flow, 
 With wifhing to afk, and with wanting to know 
 One of HASTINGS'S CounfelRood up, to oppofe 
 The patting fome queftion then EDMUND arofe ; 
 He faid, "We are plac'd in a ftrange fituation, 
 " Such as never occurr'd to one man in this Nation* 
 tf If a Queftion we afk, if a Paper we read, 
 " We muil tell why we do it, before we proceed; 
 " We muft fay of what ufe is the queftion we afk, 
 " Which is, to be fure, a mo ft difficult ta/k." 
 
 This ended, PLUMBOSO declared he was going 
 A ftep further on, with \i\sjlatlng a.n&Jhowingj 
 The found of which pleafant, agreeable news, 
 A general happinefs feem*d to diffufe 5 
 Tho' 'twas afk'd in a whifper, Can PLUMMY forget, 
 That he has not got forward a flngle Jlep yet ? 
 As PLUMMY this ftep was attempting to go, 
 He faid to the Witnefs, " I want next to know, 
 
 te From
 
 C 37 ] 
 
 ct From what you know of, and concerning the mind 
 " Of the Natives at large, if they flood well inclined ? 
 <l That is, if the FARMERS were not difcontented 
 " On account of the Provinces KELLORAM rented ? 
 " I mean, can you tell us, what fort of imprejfion 
 " Was made on their minds by this korridtranfgrejfion ?" 
 But DALLAS, who thinks 'twere as fafe to confide 
 In the conftant, and uniform flux of the tide; 
 As fit to rely on the courfe of the wind, 
 As it were to depend on the thoughts of mankind, 
 Begg'd leave to their LORDSHIPS to make a fuggeftion, 
 That the EVIDENCE ought not to anfwer the queftion.. 
 But PLUMMY his queftion refus'd to withdraw, 
 And 'twas therefore referred to the JUDGES of Law. 
 Their LORDSHIPS, of courfe, were oblig'd to adjourn, 
 And I hope, on next Thurfday, to fee them return : 
 A queftion important will then be adjufted, 
 Whether public opinion is fit to be trufted ? 
 
 You, SIMON, remember, that CHARLEY once mov'd, 
 To create SEVEN KINGS, and the COMMONS approved 
 Of the MEN and the MEASURE, and 'twould have 
 
 gone down, 
 
 Had the TERROR not fpread thro* each city and town' 
 That NORTH and CHARLES Fox meant to felze on 
 tloe Crown. 
 
 X 2, CHARLES
 
 [ 3S ] 
 
 CHARLES has often declar'd, by the force of DELUSION, 
 PITT and THURLOW occafion'd THAT fcene of confu- 
 
 fion , 
 
 Common Fame, he affirm 'd, was an impudent Jade, 
 Which had ruin'd his friends, and the Nation betray M; 
 But in HASTINGS'S cafe all this doctrine's unfound, 
 And CHARLEY now builds upon different ground. 
 
 There is one thing, dear BROTHER, I wilh to obtrude 
 On your patience a moment before I conclude : 
 You remember, BURKE formerly faid to tl;e COURT, 
 That one Mr. PATER SON made that Report, 
 From which he extracted the wonderful things 
 Performed by the cruel, iniquitous SINGS : 
 This Gentleman hearing that BURKE had expreft, 
 To the high Tribunal, a humble requeft, 
 That his own name and PATERSON'S, ty\l by one tet ] -:t>\ 
 To pofterity lateft might go fawn together, 
 Has afferted, but wherefore I cannot conceive, 
 That he does not like having BURKE pMd to bisjlecve : 
 He, therefore, has publifh'd a ftrong Declaration, 
 To (hew BURKE was guilty of grofs defamation, 
 When DEBY SING'S crimes were to HASTINGS im- 
 puted, 
 And thus the ivbole calumny HOIL- Jlands refuted. 
 
 I know
 
 C 509 3 
 
 J know there are thofe who fuppofe it a plot, 
 A forgery, done by that treacherous SCOTT ; 
 And, indeed, I muft own, it looks rather fufpicious, 
 As SCOTT, without doubt, is extremely officious, 
 And, without the leaft fcruple, would offer a fee 
 To PATERSON, JOSEPH, or even to ME ; 
 And I hear there arefome of the ORATOR'S tribe, 
 Who fufped honelt JOSEPH of taking a bribe-, 
 But this is ajtorytlizt never can hold, 
 For the virtue of JOSEPH is proof againft gold- 
 Your men of found judgement are apt to fuppofe, 
 That JOSEPH the ruin ofEvMUKD foreknows ; 
 And therefore, in order to make his efcape, 
 Pick' d a quarrel, and got himfelf out of the fcrape : 
 But whatever be is motive, to me it Is hateful, 
 To fee human nature fo very uugrateful ; 
 And tho' all others leave him alone to be hurt, 
 I will ever flick to him as dofe as hisfoirt. 
 
 April 29th, 1790. 
 
 X 3 LET.
 
 C 3 10 3 
 
 LETTER 
 
 JL/EAR SIMON, the LORDS have been pleas'd to de- 
 
 cide, 
 
 That in popular clamour you mould not confide : 
 This the MANAGERS think is provokingly odd ; 
 As the Voice of a Mob is the Voice of their God. 
 When the CHANCELLOR dated the COURT'S Refolutior\j 
 That the ^ueflion was foreign to this Profecution, 
 Fox rqfe, and in paffionate language lamented, 
 That himfelf and his party were all difcontented. 
 His difconfolate wailings I need not go o'er, 
 As you've had them repeated fo often before. 
 
 When CHARLEY had given full fcope to his tongue, 
 PLUMBOSO a fecond time called upon YOUNG. 
 He had fcarce wifh'd to aik, (for he wanted to know) 
 What Effects were obferv'd or expected to flow 
 From CULLAN SING'S and from KELLORAM'S renting 
 When up ftarted LAW, for the fake of diffenting. 
 This LAW, I've obferv'd, is a conftant Dijfcnter, 
 And mould bear the nickname of the Quejlion Preventer. 
 
 He
 
 C 3 ] 
 
 He declar'd that PLUMBOSO was trying once more 
 A proof which the Court had rejected before. 
 In aid of ANSTRUTHER, and LAW to oppofe, 
 A 'Trio of Heroes invincible rofe : 
 CHARLES faid, there was nothing unjuft or abfurd 
 In HASTINGS'S changing the Revenue Board; 
 That the Aft in itfeif might be proper and right, 
 But the Motives, perhaps, were not very upright ; 
 That the MANAGERS would be exceedingly glad, 
 Could they make out a proof that his motives were bad-, 
 And therefore their LORDSHIPS muft not think it ftrange 
 If the Crime-hunting MANAGERS wander and range. 
 
 In this way, the invincible* argu'd and reafon'd, 
 But their language, it feems, was ix$. properly feafotfd. 
 Then WYNDHAM, that Metaphyjician profound, 
 Arofe and obferv'd, they were trying the ground, 
 And by tentative inftances making a trial 
 To difcoverthe grounds of their LORDSHIPS' denial; 
 And having remark'd that the breaking of rocks, . 
 Is perform'd by the quick repetition of knocks, 
 He repeated again all the fay ings of Fox. 
 But in fpite of their new metaphyjical drefs, 
 Old arguments fail'd of obtaining fuccefs : 
 For the CHANCELLOR faid, that the prefent obtrujton 
 Came into the range of their former condufion. 
 
 X 4 Then
 
 C s 3 
 
 Then BURKE rifing up, began ringing the changes 
 Upon Bombs, Shots and Shells, and their different ranges. 
 His fimilitudes pleafantly tended to {how, 
 That in battering HASTINGS, their damnable foe, 
 The MANAGERS ought not to narrow their plan, 
 But enlarge and extend it as far as they can : 
 That all Laws of Evidence fhould be aboliuYd, 
 Or fufpended at leaft, till the Prifoner's demolijh'd. 
 
 LAW rofe, and requefted permiffion to fay, 
 That 'twere needlefs to anfwer, except for delay. 
 Fox anfwer'd, and freely admitted 'twere wrong, 
 That HASTINGS'S Trial continued folong; 
 The PUBLIC, whofe hearts are not iron and fleel, 
 For the fufferings of HASTINGS now vifibly feel. 
 The LORDS and the COMMONS are ready to fay, 
 They fincerely lament, and condemn the delay. 
 'Tis ufual with thofe who are broaching of lies, 
 To fummon that Witnefs, who feldom replies j 
 So CHARLES, who the general fentiment knew 
 With regard to delay, and to whom it is due, 
 Repeatedly call'd upon GOD to attend, 
 And to vouch for the truth of himfelf and his friend ; 
 To bear in perpetual remembrance, that they 
 Were not mftrumental in caufmg delay. 
 
 2, But
 
 C 313 ] 
 
 But till this Appeal (hall produce fome effect, 
 The people, I fear, will be apt to fufpect 
 That the reafon of making divine invocation, 
 Is, becaufe there exifts not a man in the Nation, 
 But looks on delay as an artful provifion 
 Againft the effects of their LORDSHIPS' decifion. 
 
 After argument tedious, the Heroes withdraw 
 Their Queftion, without the decifion of Law. 
 As KELLORAM fail'd, the Invindbles bring 
 Anew accufation about GOVIND SING, 
 Whofe powers, they faid, were fo very extenlive, 
 That they trufted their LORDSHIPS would deem it of- 
 
 fenfive. 
 
 PLUMMY wanted to know, fo he made a requeft, 
 To afk, if the Natives were ever oppreft. 
 But LAW, who for ever objects to digreflion, 
 Would confent to no Queftion concerning Opprejfion. 
 He faid, as Opprejton was not in the Charge, 
 On that 'twere incompetent now to enlarge ; 
 Nor could words of Inference plac'd at the end, 
 Tofubftantive afts of Oppre/ion extend. 
 Then EHMUND and CHARLES, who at fome little 
 
 diftance 
 
 Heard the cry of dijlrefs, flew to PLUMMY'S afliftance, 
 
 And
 
 [ 3'4 ] 
 
 And now was another Tongue Battle begun 
 
 BURKE faid, that the tying of Father and Son 
 
 Was a fubftantive aft of Opprejjion, and more 
 
 Than an Inference ever admitted before. 
 
 But CHARLES, who has often been known to contend 
 
 For all manner of Rights, as they anfwer his end-, 
 
 Who is one day for throwing a Monarchy down, 
 
 And the next {landing up for the Rights of the Crown ; 
 
 Who, we all well remember, not many months iince, 
 
 Was the Advocate bold for the Rights of the PRINCE; 
 
 Who* once call'd the People the Fountain, and then 
 
 Plac'd the Fountain of Power in the Pwliament Men : 
 
 Now fays, that the COMMONS may juftly difpenfe 
 
 With all Rules of Evidence, Reafon, and Senfe ; 
 
 That the COMMONS are Laymen, and not Men of Let-. 
 
 ters, 
 
 Unus'd to be bound in Legality s Fetter si 
 That proof by them offer'd fliould ne'er be rejected, 
 But thankfully taken, and highly refpe&ed ; 
 That the COMMONS of ENGLAND not being Laiv 
 
 Readers, 
 Are nor to be treated like common Law Pleaders, 
 
 To fettle this Queftion their LORDSHIPS withdraw, 
 perhaps will refer it to JUDGES of LAW, 
 
 i I have
 
 [ 3'5 3 
 
 I have only to tell you, that BURKE is fo nettled 
 By the manner in which the laft Queftion was fettled, 
 That he's gone back to thofe who the Trial appointed, 
 To complain that his Schemes are all crack'd and dif- 
 jointed. 
 
 May 4th, 1790, 
 
 LET-
 
 L 316 ] 
 
 LETTER LVII. 
 
 JVlY filence, Dear BROTHER, you muft not afcribc 
 To my want of attention, or taking a bribe ; 
 For though to the HALL, I've paid conftant attention, 
 I have heard nothing lately deferving of mention : 
 E'en EDMUND, great EDMUND, began to defpair, 
 As the JUDGES, he thinks, have decided unfair-, 
 Thefe grave formal Gentlemen can't be perfuaded 
 To admit of formality's being invaded ; 
 They tell us, that even in HASTINGS'S canfe, 
 Refpect mould be paid to old cuftoms and laws ; 
 And that, whether the PRIS'NER'S condemn'd or ac- 
 quitted, 
 
 No illegal evidence mould be admitted. 
 Mean time the great ORATOR'S daily complaining. 
 Of neceflity urgent, for twtfting andftraining ; 
 Nor can he believe that the law is fo brittle, 
 As not to allow of its tw\fting a little ; 
 And indeed, my Dear BROTHER, with grief I obterve, 
 Thofe inflexible men never vary or fwerve : 
 I've read how the feelings of HECTOR diftreft > 
 Awaken'd foft pity in JUPITER'S breaft; 
 
 How
 
 C 3'7 ] 
 
 How the Son of old TELAMON mifs'd of his mark, 
 When he burl'd&t the TROJANS hisfpear in the dark ; 
 How he pray'd to the God for renewal of light, 
 His petition was heard, and he conquer 'd in fight : 
 But the JUDGES unmov'd, fee the ORATOR blunder, 
 They are equally deaf to his whifper and thunder ; 
 That is, without pity they fee him defpond, 
 And, remorfelefs, prohibit his going beyond 
 The immoveable line they think proper to draw, 
 According to RULE, JURISPRUDENCE, and LAW. 
 
 Thus fetter'd and hamper'd, I can't but admire 
 The ORATOR'S flrength, perfeverance, and fire ; 
 When in his metaphorical manner of fpeaking, 
 He faid, though his veffel was bulging and leaking, 
 Nay more, notwithstanding he could not help thinking 
 The whole FLEET of IMPEACHMENT in danger finking , 
 He would not quit hisjhip, howe'er crazy or crank, 
 But, like Captain Riou, he would fit on a plank ; 
 And for this, t'other day, to the HOUSE he return'd, 
 Where his want of fuccefs he lamented and mourn'd ; 
 Then, to cheer up his men, he arofe in his place, 
 And fungthem a Stanza from old CHUV Y CI{ACE. 
 On their LORDSHIPS, : ,n verfe, he intreated God's 
 
 blefflng, 
 Whilft he read them, In profe, upon patience a leflbn. 
 
 When
 
 C 3-8 ] 
 
 When the HERO had clos'd his deplorable ditty, 
 He faid that three parties were objects of pity ; 
 And that, though three feffions already had run, 
 Since the glorious Impeachment of HASTINGS begun, 
 The number of hours he precifely had counted, 
 To One Hundred and Eighty and Nine, they amounted, 
 Which being divided by MANAGERS twenty ^ 
 Gave none of them reafon to boaft of a plenty ; 
 The public, he faid, without reafon complain'd, 
 That to anfwer no purpofe, their pockets are drain'd ; 
 And whilft they repine at confumption of wealth, 
 WARREN HASTINGS laments the decline of his health; 
 That his hurt conftitution he wants to repair, 
 By going abroad, or by changing the air ; 
 But EDMUND fuppofes the place where he dwells, 
 OrBAGNiGGE, or TUNBRIDGE, or fame other WellS) 
 Might ferve for the prefent his health to reftore, 
 And enable his fpirits tofuffer much more. 
 Then he faid, tho' the militant MANAGER'S toils 
 Had ne'er been rewarded by honours or fpoils ; 
 Tho' difgrace had attended himfelf and his hoft, 
 They were pity'd the haft, yet deferu'd it the mqft. 
 He clos'd with a Motion, for further extenjlon 
 Of POWER, and the HOUSE has increased its dimenjions. 
 
 And
 
 C 3 J 9 ] 
 
 And now of fuccefs, he increafes the hope, 
 From this beneficial enlargement of fcope; 
 From enlargement of fcope, comes enlargement of fun, 
 And all his outdoings will now be outdone. 
 
 May 1 8th, 1790. 
 
 LET-
 
 L 3 2 3 
 
 LETTER LVIII 
 
 J. HIS DAY the great HEROES went on, as before, 
 In adduc\ion of proof, fo they call'd upon MOORE. 
 Next, HARWOOD was alk'd, whether in his opinion 
 A COUNCIL PROVINCIAL, was fit for dominion ? 
 Which queftion means, whether in HAR WOOD'S be- 
 lief, 
 
 He himfelf was a competent Revenue Chief . ? 
 The anfwer came out, as might well be expefted, 
 That his merit was great andfoould not be neglefted. 
 Then ANSTRUTHER faid, he a paper would read, 
 To (hew HASTINGS'S fyftem was wicked indeed', 
 That the HOUSE was not bolted fo very fecure, 
 As to hinder Opprejfion from ent'ring the door. 
 The paper was read, and it tended to mow, 
 That DEBT, whofe ftory you perfectly know, 
 According to HASTINGS'S written confeflion, 
 Might pojjiblyfin, and conceal the tranfgrejjion. 
 
 PLUMBOSO next laid, he was going to ftate 
 The tranfgreffions of DEB Y, enormoufly great; 
 
 But
 
 C 3" ] 
 
 But LAW, whom repeated experience has taught, 
 That Jlerility's never a MANAGER'S fault; 
 That when they perceive their own evidence failing, 
 They fupply the defect by invention and railing 
 Objected thereto, unlefs PLUMMY could mow him, 
 That the Epifode made any part of the Poem. 
 
 Then EDMUND, who's always at hand to aflift, 
 When HASTINGS'S Counfellors enter the lift, 
 Who is always prepar'd to renew the attack, 
 When the heavy-arm* d PLUMMY is forc'd to give back ; 
 Like DIOMED, clad in an armour of brafs, 
 Oppos'd his firm breaft, and difpnted the pafs. 
 When the conteft was ended, their LORDSHIPS with- 
 drew, 
 
 To refolve to which party the victory's due. 
 They return'd, and declar'd, 'twere improper to bring 
 Or renew the oldjlory about DEBY SING ; 
 Then EDMUND, apparently much difcontented, 
 Exclaim'd, and the LORDSHIPS' decifion lamented ! 
 He faid, that altho' WARREN HASTINGS, 'tis true, 
 With the aftions of DEBY has nothing to do $ 
 Tho' even by us 'tis no longer difputed, 
 That another man's crimes JJjould to him be imputed; 
 Tho' directly at him we can't poffibly ftrike, 
 Yet it is our intention to wound kirn oblique. 
 
 y YOU
 
 t 322 3 
 
 You remember, my LORDS, when I firft laid before 
 
 y e > 
 
 In my opening oration, this horrible Jlory, 
 
 I made it as gkomy and black as I eou'd, 
 
 And the audience allow'd that the painting was good ; 
 
 Some Ladies of very high rank were affected, 
 
 Your LORDSHIPS were hurt, and the country dejected ; 
 
 And now, with permiffion, as PLUMMY has. dated, 
 
 The ftory by him mall again be related. 
 
 LAW, who on EDMUND flill fixes his eye, 
 Arofe in his place, with intent to reply, 
 When one of the NOBLES, who thinks altercation 
 Of very fmall fervice to invejiigation, 
 Call'd EDMUND to order ! and faid, 'twere in vain, 
 Of the COURT'S Refolution for him to complain ; 
 That whether the ftory was groundlefs or true, 
 And- whether 'twere DEBT'S or HASTINGS'S due, 
 Twere incompetent now upon that to enlarge, 
 As nothing thereof could be found in the Charge. 
 This keen obfervation more pointed than fteel, 
 Through thp-4rfnour of Brafs made the ORATOR feel j 
 He faid, " The firft CHARACTER ENGLAND could 
 
 " boail 
 " For juftice, defervediy valued the moft, 
 
 " Hsd
 
 C 3*3 ] 
 
 c< Had declared, that unlefs I (hall make it appear, 
 sc That the (lory of DEBY is founded and clear; 
 " That from HASTINGS the rhafs of iniquity fprung, 
 <e I ought to be damn* d for my Jlanderous tongue : 
 sc And now we are proving the things DEBY did, 
 < To proceed with our proof by the COURT we're 
 
 " forbid ; 
 
 " And HASTINGS, who bully'd us once with denial 
 c< Of guilt, is alarm'd, and now fhrinks from the trial.'* 
 
 LAW heard, and indignantly cafting his eye 
 On EDMUND, made this moft provoking reply : 
 fe So diftant, my LORDS, is my client fom. Jlmnking 
 ce From trial, fo little in danger of Jinking, 
 <f That what of the COMMONS he once did implore, 
 " Of the MANAGERS now he folicits once more. 
 " My CLIENT, indeed, will rejoice and be glad, 
 " If the MANAGERS now will an ARTICLE' add. 
 " If the MANAGERS now will an Article frame, 
 (f My CLIENT is ready to anfwer the fame; 
 (( And if he difproves not the whole they have faid, 
 " Let vengeance perpetual fall on his head : 
 " But, my LORDS, this great Champion now hectors 
 
 ff an'd fwaggers, 
 cc In a way that is ufual with Sullies and JBraggers : 
 
 Y 2 "A CM-
 
 [ 3H ) 
 
 r< A Challenge they give, but fo cunningly make it, 
 tf That they know 'tis impoffible HASTINGS (hould 
 
 " take it ; 
 
 <f Forefeeing their danger, they carefully Jhun 
 <c The way, it might yet be fuccefsfully done" 
 
 While LAW was pronouncing this daring ORATION, 
 I obferv'd EDMUND'S vifage in vajl agitation; 
 He feem'd to be finking with horrors and woes, 
 And the bottle was often applied to his nofe ; 
 The MANAGERS all appear'd fadly perplext, 
 Not knowing what proof they Jhould offer the next ; 
 They had fcarcely recover'd their fright and confufion, 
 When the bufmefs of yefterday came to conclufion-. 
 
 May loth, 1790, 
 
 LET-
 
 LETTER LIX. 
 
 jL/EAR BROTHER, as during the TRIAL'S fuf- 
 
 penfion, 
 
 No circumftance happened deferving of mention, 
 I was forc'd to be filent ; but now I have got 
 An Anecdote recent relating to SCOTT : 
 The MAJOR, it feems, in a late publication, 
 Has wounded my HERO, and his reputation ; 
 A GENERAL fam'd for Theatrical writing, 
 As he formerly was for AMERICAN fighting, 
 In compaflion to EDMUND, advanc'd in the field, 
 And cover'd his friend with AMERICAN (hield; 
 That (hield which at fam'd SARATOGA he won, 
 Where fo many heroical actions were done. 
 So on Thurfday this gallant Theatrical fighter, 
 Made a motion, that SCOTT was a libellous Writer ; 
 And SCOTT, who had boldly acknowledg'd the Work, 
 Defended himfelf by accufing of BURKE : 
 He produc'd to the HOUSE a whole bundle of LIBELS, 
 And Volumes as thick as your large printed Bibles ; 
 
 And
 
 C 3*6 ] 
 
 And thefe, he declar'd, were not all he could find, 
 Having left at the leaft "Twenty VOLUMES behind ; 
 All which, by their leave, he was ready to fhovv, 
 Were produc'd by the pens of Great EDMUND and Co. 
 That if he himfelf had committed a fault, 
 'Twas owing to BURKE, who thefeience had taught ; 
 Then, in order to foften the edge of the fentence, 
 The HOUSE might inflict, he affefted repentance. 
 Then WIGLEY arofe, in fupport of his friend, 
 And faid, that in juftice they ought to extend 
 Their inquiry flill farther, by way of requiting 
 The merit of BURKE in his libellous writing. 
 
 Then EDMUND arofe, ^.nd began an ORATION, 
 In defence of his own and his friend's reputation ; 
 He laid, that the MAJOR, inftead of repenting, 
 Had the LIBEL avow'd, and was fpitefully venting 
 His malice, by making a bold accufation 
 Of himfelf and his party, by recrimination. 
 On my friends, I, however, place perfect reliance, 
 Andfetthe loft SPEA.KER and SCOTT at defiance \ 
 According to what Mr. WIGLEY has fpoken, 
 Our privilege might be diurnally broken ; 
 But if for each breach we commence profecution, 
 It might poffibly injure our good conftitution ; 
 
 i And
 
 C S*1 ] 
 
 And if every LIBEL and breach is negle&ed, 
 The HOUSE of ST. STEPHEN will not be refpefted ; 
 But I always will tell you whenever 'tis fit 
 To punifh offenders, as well as acquit ; 
 Good writers and fpeakers mould never be (tinted, 
 Andjpeeches like mine Ihould be carefully printed. 
 Some fpeeches are fit for the public, but not 
 Such iniquitous fpeeches as utter'd by SCOTT. 
 Ten years, Mr. SPEAKER, hav% I been accufng\ 
 Ten years has the MAJOR myfelf been abufing ; 
 Of the BLACKS by myfelf I'm appointed proteftor, 
 And of GUILT by the HOUSE I'm appointed detettor ; 
 Mr. SPEAKER, by me no refentment was mown, 
 Whilft HASTINGS'S Harpies bedaub 'd me alone ; 
 But their filth is fo bad, I no longer can bear it, 
 Efpecially now, as my MASTERS muft mare it : 
 And indeed, Mr. SPEAKER, 'tis vaftly provoking, 
 To become a mere butt of fatirical joking : 
 Altho' I've been always a friend to the PRESS, 
 I dread its Venality neverthelefs : 
 And, indeed, Mr. SPEAKER, I've frequently thought 
 All the PRESSES in EUROPE by HASTINGS are 
 bought. 
 
 Now at HASTINGS my Hero more bitterly rails, 
 And roundly aflerts, all the prifons and jails 
 
 Y 4 That
 
 C 3*s ] 
 
 That ever exifted, could never produce 
 
 An object like HASTINGS fo fit for abufe. 
 
 Then EDMUND went on, to unravel a plot, 
 
 And faid SCOTT was HASTINGS, and HASTINGS was 
 
 SCOTT ; 
 
 That their influence extended from Region to Region, 
 And that HASTINGS'S name mould hereafter be 
 
 Legion. 
 
 Then he afterwards faic^ he was not greatly fmitten 
 With any thing HASTINGS'S party had written ; 
 That their works were deficient in beauty and wit 
 But fuch as they were, 'twas expedient and fit 
 That the COMMONS in punilhing ffrould not be 
 
 fparing, 
 Efpecially this, fo flagitious and daring. 
 
 In the courfe of his ravings, I could not but fee, 
 How often the HERO reflected on me ; 
 Since turn'd out of office, I very well know, 
 He has look'd upon me as a dangerous foe ; 
 His confcience muft whifper, 'tis mockingly hard, 
 For Si MK IN to ferve without fee or reward-, 
 To attend at the HALL when his HONOR impeaches > 
 And turn into Verfe all bis long-winded Speeches. 
 
 But
 
 C 3*9 ] 
 
 But now an idea has entered my head, 
 On hearing the KING'S Poet Laureat is dead, 
 That His MAJESTY might, to reward that devotion, 
 Which BURKE has neglected, confer this promotion 5 
 And when I have fung of His MAJESTY'S fatls, 
 I would fmg of Great EDMUND and Company gratis. 
 
 June j ft, 1790, 
 
 J.ET-
 
 C 330 ] 
 
 . 
 
 .. ' ' 
 
 LETTER LX. 
 
 JL HE day, my DEAR BROTHER, is happily come, 
 Which has long been expected, for CHARLEY to fum : 
 Thus the HERO began " All your LORDSHIPS rauft 
 
 " fee, 
 
 < e That a difficult tajk is allotted to me : 
 *' Your LORDSHIPS muft think me prefumptuous and 
 
 " bold, 
 
 " Should I liken myfelf to that SPEAKER of old, 
 " Who faid, that whate'er he thought proper to men- 
 
 " tion, 
 
 ** Never fail'd of exciting the JUDGES' attention ; 
 " If the JUDGES who heard him were honeft and good, 
 < e He was fure he could make himfelf well underftood. 
 Thus CICERO fpoke 3 but your LORDSHIPS well 
 
 " know, 
 
 f* That with ME and my Colleagues the cafe is not fo ; 
 " We are not afraid of your LORDSHIPS' dect/ton ; 
 " Do but hear, and we afk for no other provijion. 
 <e I know very well that your LORDSHIPS are juft, 
 ** But your patience is gone, as it certainly muft. 
 
 " My
 
 C 33' ] 
 
 t{ My LORDS, 'tis a great difadvantage to follow 
 " In fumming, thofe favourite Sons of APOLLO, 
 " Whofung of great RAJAHS and NABOBS oppreft, 
 '* Of PRINCE %SKS plunder* d, and NATIVES diflrejl : 
 <( How mean is the office that falls to my lot, 
 " To develope the wealth which the CRIMINAL got, 
 " Lord CLIVE, 'tis recorded, once folemnly fwore, 
 <f He bad MONEY enough, and would never take more : 
 <( A fimilar oath, I mail make it appear, 
 " Was made by VERELST, and by Mr. CARTIER ; 
 " And^ therefore, 'tis probable HASTINGS did take it; 
 " And, fuppofmg he did, 'twas improper to break it : 
 c But, My LORDS, WE, the MANAGERS, care not a, 
 
 jot, 
 
 *' Whether HASTINGS did really take it or not. 
 (( If he never did take it, he certainly ought 
 (( To have done it, and therefore committed a fault : 
 <s But fuppofmg that HASTINGS fhou'd fay he did 
 
 " take it ; 
 " Why then, we (hall prove, he did frequently break 
 
 " it, 
 
 <' So, my LORDS, let him offer whatever he will , 
 < e By way of defence, \\"& foall prove it was ill." 
 
 Here CHARLEY adverted again to the ftory, 
 Which I have prefented fo often before ye ; 
 
 I mean
 
 f* ~1 
 
 I meanNuNcoMAR, who, as CHARLEY contends, 
 Was hung on a gibbet by HASTINGS'S friends. 
 " My LORDS, I aver, as BURKE formerly did, 
 " Notwkhftanding my MASTERS, the COMMONS, 
 
 " forbid, 
 
 *' And tho' I may hereafter be cenfur'd and chid, 
 " That this NUNCOMAR on a gallows was hung, 
 " In order to filence his garrulous tongue." 
 Then CHARLEY digrefs'd, and a liberty took 
 Of ftating a CRIME that was not in tl;e book. 
 He faid that one CROFTS, in a certain account, 
 Had made a miftake to enormous amount, 
 And inftead of 9 his being from office ejected, 
 With wrath and difdain> as might well be expected. 
 He a PARDON obtain'd, and the fault was corrected. 
 When BURKE drew the Charge, he forgot at the time 
 To make thisforgivenefs a fubftantive crime : 
 Here a fubtle dittinction the ORATOR drew 
 A dijiinftion to me which was perfectly new ; 
 From which I difcover the wit of the times 
 Have made adjeclive Charges, and fubftantive Crimes. 
 The latter, it feems, can (land firmly alone, 
 But the former are weak, and may foon be overthrown. 
 This incident trifling, I thought fit to mention^ 
 In honour of CHARLES'S diftinftive invention. 
 
 'Twere 
 
 n 
 
 d. J
 
 t 333 ] 
 
 ? Twere needlefs, DEAR SIMON, for me to go through 
 Thofe parts of his SPEECH which contain'd nothing 
 
 new : 
 
 Foraltho' he (hew'd ftrong oratorical pozv'rs, 
 That is, he harangu'd us for more than five hours, 
 'Twas agreed, by all parties, he faid little more 
 Than BURKE and PLUMBOSO had told us before. 
 And, indeed, he confefs'd, he was merely appointed 
 To coiled in a focus, what they had disjointed. 
 Howe'er, .in the courfe of bisjhrid Oration, 
 He fpoke of an excellent Adminijlration ; 
 Whofe praife his own modefty forc'd him to fpare, 
 Becaufe he himfelf had the principal flare. 
 Then he put us in mind of his old INDIA BILL, 
 Whofe remembrance he foflers and cherifhes ftill ; 
 Which, though 'twas rejected, he was not afham'd 
 To call the bejl BILL which had ever been f ram* d. 
 Once, all of a fudden, on fome ftrange fuggeftion, 
 He turn'd round, and afk'd for tbejbarp goading queftion^ 
 I heard, and my fpirit prophetic foreboded, 
 That HASTINGS would foon be confoundedly goaded. 
 At times he endeavour'd to carry conviction, 
 By mewing in HASTINGS a flat contradiction ; 
 And that HASTINGS and LARKING, in many refpects, 
 Were guilty of errors, as well as neglects. 
 
 But
 
 C 334 ] 
 
 But whilft he was fpeaking, I made this remark, 
 That his tongue often {tumbled, like one in the dark $ 
 And had not a PROMPTER been ftation'd behind, 
 To jog him, and tap him, and put him in mind, 
 We had had little elfe but tongtte-lapfes and blunders, 
 Conveyed m Jhrill fqueaks and in loud rolling thunder 3. 
 The HAIL, lobferv'd, was exceedingly full, 
 But the LADIES appear'd difappointed and dull ; 
 And as CHARLES gave but little amufement and fport, 
 By Duos, and Trios, they ftole out of COURT. 
 When he faw that but few of the LADIES were left. 
 He fear'd that the LORDS were of patience bereft ; 
 And perhaps recollected that whilft he was tolling 
 In JUSTICE'S fervice, his dinner was fpoiling ; 
 He therefore confented to end for that day 
 The LORDS appear'd glad, and went bowing away. 
 
 June gth, 1790^ 
 
 LET-
 
 [ 335 3 
 
 LETTER LXI. 
 
 JL OU will find, my DEAR BROTHER, on reading 
 
 this Letter, 
 That the Second Day's Summing was fhoiter, and 
 
 better : 
 
 On the latter we heard WARREN HASTINGS accus'd 
 Of having a Prefent, when offer'd, refus'd. 
 His Accufer contended, in language fublime, 
 That refujlng a Gift was in HASTINGS a crime, 
 Unlefs he had told the NABOB, what he did 
 Was becaufe taking Gifts was exprefsly forbid. 
 " But, my LORDS, all thofe fears which the Prisoner 
 
 " expreft, 
 
 " Left the NABOB mould be by refufal diftreft, 
 fe Serve only to fhew his long habit and ufe 
 (C To take all which the Natives could ever produce,'* 
 
 Next he talk'd of one JOHNSON, whom HASTINGS 
 
 had try'd 
 For detention of AlTets, which JOHN-SON deny'd ; 
 
 That
 
 That tho' HASTINGS had harbour'd ftrong doubts in 
 
 his breaft, 
 
 That JOHNSON in private the money pofTeft, 
 Yet having nopofitive/>ro0/ of the act, 
 He acquitted the perfon accus'd of the fact. 
 CHARLES faid, " My opinion is therefore decided, 
 " That HASTINGS and JOHNSON the money divided. 
 (e Two points we have prov'd, both of tendency bad, 
 cc The Bribe he refus'd, and the Bribe which he had." 
 
 Then CHARLEY went on with a firing o 
 And makingyftrnw/ anfwers to felf-propos' d quejlions ; 
 And hop'd that the LORDS would to memory bring 
 The Names of CROFTS, ANDERSON, and GOVIND 
 
 SING ; 
 
 The latter of whom had been charg'd with a crime, 
 Arid therefore from Office difmifs'd for a time ; 
 But the Charge never being prov'd clear to the Board, 
 He again was employ'd, and to favour reftor'd : 
 But CHARLEY fays, being difmifs'd from ajlation 
 On Sufpicion, amounts to Difqualification. 
 
 The looks of both Parties which happen'd to hear 
 This doctrine, difcover'd theirjoy or their fear. 
 With oppofite feelings their minds were impaffion'd, 
 At hearing a doctrine fo ftrange and new-falhion'd ; 
 
 Awhile
 
 C 337 3 
 
 Awhile it created a general confulion, 
 
 But at length all concurred in the felf-fame conclufion 
 
 That as CHARLES by the Mob had been hooted and hifi'd, 
 
 By His MAJESTY'S order from Office difmift 
 
 On fufpicion of too much attachment to pelf, 
 
 When he very near got all the Eajl to himfelf, 
 
 He never again can an office enjoy, 
 
 But muft dwell in minority out of employ. 
 
 To return CHARLEY faid, " By the Prisoner's com- 
 
 " mands 
 
 fc Aumeens were appointed to fettle the lands, 
 " Which having been fettled by competent men, 
 " 'Twas a. fabftantive crime to examine again.'* 
 Then he told us the manner how HASTINGS o'erthrew 
 Six Revenue Councils, and made them anew. 
 This part of the flory I need not go o'er, 
 As BURKE and ANSTRUTHER have told it before. 
 Then my Hero return'd with a retrograde fpring 
 To the ftory BURKE told us about DEBY SING, 
 And loudly demanded the vengeance of GOD, 
 That himfelf, and not BURKE, might be fcourg'd with 
 
 the rod 9 
 
 If the ftory BURKE told were not perfectly true, 
 And the whole of the cruelties HASTINGS'S due. 
 
 At
 
 [ 338 ] 
 
 At length, when the hearers fuppos'd he was come 
 To the Summary's end, he proceeded to fum 
 All the luminary points, which affording no fun, 
 The whole COURT was rejoic'd, when he faid I "have 
 
 done. 
 
 But now I muft tell you, that this Revolution, 
 (The HIGH COURT of PARLIAMENT'S now dljjblution?) 
 May probably alter both Meafures and Men, 
 And that HASTINGS may never be badger \l agen. 
 
 Great EDMUS~D declares he is forry to fee 
 Thejport is not reliuYd in equal degree ; 
 That tho* he mall for ever be willing and able 
 A new difi of Corruption to place on the table, 
 Yet their LORDSHIPS of late are in Jlomacb f& cloy'd, 
 That none of his dimes are highly enjoy'd. 
 Befides, BURKE has taken it into his head, 
 That fuch Letters as SIM KIN'S ought not to be read 
 He has often expreft his furprife, that John Bull 
 Should relim Epiftles hjlupid and dull. 
 From a tafte fo deprav'd, it was certain that Join 
 Was off at a tangent, and totally gone. 
 But if this be the cafe, it is well worth our knowing, 
 Why John fo departed, and where he is going.* 
 
 * BURKE faid in the Houfe of Commons, that the fuffering fuch 
 facred Speeches as his to be ridiculed, was a certain fign that the 
 Nation was gone.
 
 C 339 3 
 
 "Tis hinted that EDMUND defpairs of recalling 
 The fugitive JOHN, by additional hauling; 
 And therefore to fave his whole Party from laughter, 
 May fuffer the Prisoner to fl umber hereafter. 
 But fuppofing the Trial fome dozen weeks hence 
 Once more mould according to order, commence, 
 Be affur'd I (hall always be ready to fend 
 The proceedings thereof to my BROTHER and Friend. 
 
 June 1 4th, 1790. 
 
 LET-
 
 C 340 ] 
 
 LETTER LXII. 
 
 IF SIM KIN, of late, ha3 been lazy and idle, 
 
 'Twas becaufe EDMUND'S clapper was under the bridle 4 
 
 For, except when the Houfes of Parliament fit, 
 
 No occafion occurs for difplaying his wit. 
 
 But now, left he fhould be forgotten by men, 
 
 He excites their attention by uling his pen : 
 
 You know, fmce he left Academical Teaching, ^ 
 
 He has bulled himfelf with Political Preaching, > 
 
 And of late fpent the moft of his time in IMPEACHING. J 
 
 Howe'er, as that bus'nefs is probably ended, 
 
 Or, at leaft, till the Parliament meets, is fufpended 
 
 His fortune and fame he experts to advance 
 
 By Impeaching the NATIONAL COUNCIL of FRANCE. 
 
 His book, which had oft' been announc'd to the town, 
 
 This rriorning I bought, and it coft me a crown : 
 
 Which being too dear for the fending you down, 
 
 The fubftance thereof I intend to rehearfe 
 
 (As I frequently do of his fpeeches) in verfe. 
 
 town, "I 
 
 '' 
 
 ' 
 
 It feems a French Gentleman afk'd BURKE'S opinion 
 Of the late REVOLUTION, and Change of Dominion; 
 
 To
 
 C 34i ] 
 
 To which BURKE reply'd, You, perhaps, may fuppofe 
 
 That I alfo am one of the number of thofe 
 
 Who approve of your conduct, becaufe certain Scrubs, 
 
 Which form two Societies^ alias CLUBS, 
 
 The one for protecting our good Conftitution, 
 
 The other for praifing the laft Revolution, 
 
 Have exprefs'd, in a letter, their warm approbation, 
 
 Thus giving your actions their fanctification : 
 
 But before the Two Clubs I. proceed to defcribe, 
 
 Give me leave to deny being one of the tribe. 
 
 The CLUB CONSTITUTIONAL, feven years old, 
 Is for buying up books which would never be fold, 
 And, for charity's fake, to give free circulation 
 To Political Pamphlets all over the Nation ; 
 And 'tis likely that fome of thofe Pamphlets, by chance, 
 Not faleable here, may be vended in France ; 
 And as liquors grow better by croffing the ocean, 
 The books may derive much advantage from motion. 
 But here I am certain, that no information 
 Has been drawn from this good-natur'd aflbciation. 
 
 Thus much having faid of the CLUB CONSTITUTION, 
 I now have to fpeak of the CLUB REVOLUTION : 
 This laft all their honour and confequence owe 
 To the praife your ASSEMBLY were pleas'd tobeftow, 
 Z 3 And
 
 C 34* ] 
 
 And now are a mere SUB-COMMITTEE, to fpread 
 
 The doctrines deliver'd by you, as their head : 
 
 This CLUB, of whofe name I had never heard mention, 
 
 And which never excited the fmalleft attention, 
 
 Confided of certain fantaftlcal Thinkers, 
 
 DISSENTERS by name, in reality DRINKERS, 
 
 Who an annual Sermon procured from a Vicar, 
 
 By way of excufe for indulging in liquor : 
 
 No national theme ever enter'd among 
 
 Thefe men, lave the Bottle, the Glafs, and tbe Song ; 
 
 And whilft from this cuftom they never departed, 
 
 No fober objection could juftly be flatted ; 
 
 But now, after farther inquiry, I find 
 
 Some political men, of a true Chriftlan Mind, 
 
 Have lately crept in, for the good of tie Soul, 
 
 Concealing the hand which diftributes the dole. 
 
 By the bye, my dear SIMON, mod people fuppofe 
 
 Thefe true Cbrijlian men are the CHARLEYS and JOES, 
 
 Whofe characters now EDMUND gratefully raifes, 
 
 By way of compenfating funilar praifes ; 
 
 This trio of Worthies, like FUR and his brother, 
 
 Are beholden for character one to the other. 
 
 To return EDMUND fays, that he is not a Paid, 
 , for preaching to all ; 
 
 And
 
 f 343 ] 
 
 And his fentiroents being of confequence great, 
 Muft not be divulg'd without leave of the State : 
 Then he tells his FRENCH GENTLEMAN, he (hould ex- 
 pect 
 
 That our HOUSE of COMMONS would proudly reject 
 The mod fneaking PETITION that ever was feen, 
 For an object however contemptibly mean, 
 If prefented before them with fuch kind of figning, 
 As appear'd to their COUNSEL fo fplendidly mining, 
 And which they accepted with equal parade, 
 Or greater, perhaps, than could well have been made, 
 Had our reprefentative, MAJESTY all, 
 Condefcended to vifit, or give them a call. 
 But I mould not, fays EDMUND, have taken offence, 
 Had their paper contain'd either reafon or fenfe ; 
 For had that been the cafe, 1 am free to confefs, 
 There might be conviction in't, neverthelefs 
 As it {lands 'tis a vote, nay a mere refolution 
 Of unauthoris'd people, who love REVOLUTION : 
 Had they all put their names, one might judge of thei 
 
 number, 
 And fattingu'ifti found pieces from that which is lumber. 
 
 Now EDMUND a fmall matter alters his ftrain, 
 And fays, that himfelf is a Gentleman plain : 
 
 Z 4 (Bu
 
 [ 344 ] 
 
 (But to make his fenfe clearer, I wifti he had faid, 
 Whether plain in his perfon or plain in his head) 
 That, from their proceedings, he's prone to fuppofe, 
 'Tis a juggle or trick very like fome of JOE'S. 
 Then he natters himfelf that mankind will agree, 
 That no man loves Liberty better than HE ; 
 Alluding, perhaps, to the freedom of Jpeech, 
 When he fpeaks in the HOUSE, or is fent to impeach 
 If fo WARREN HASTINGS and NORTH will agree, 
 That EDMUND is always exceedingly frue. 
 
 Now, all of a fudden, the HERO takes flight, 
 And foaring aloft, he efcapes from my fight ; 
 He fays, he can give no applaufe to an action, 
 In the nakednefs of metaphyjic abftraftion ; 
 That GOVERNMENT'S good, and fo alfo is FREEDOM, 
 According as perfons may happen to need 'em. 
 As to praife the FRENCH Nation, he thinks 'twere as \veil 
 To give praife to a MADMAN efcap'd from his cell ; 
 Or give praife to a wretch, who his prifon had left, 
 Where he had been committed for murder or theft ; 
 <c No, no," fays the ORATOR " praifing fuch men., 
 " In me, would be a&ing DON QUIXOTE again." 
 
 Thus much I have fcribbled, dear SIMON, in hafle, 
 Of BURKE'S compojition to give you a tafle; 
 
 You
 
 [ 345 ] 
 
 You muft judge of its merit and value when known, 
 That all this is obtain'd from eight pages alone ; 
 That his book is a large Magazine, or &Jlore y 
 Containing near Fifty fuch quantities more, 
 AH which, at my leifure, I mean to detail, 
 Unlefs you forbid or my PEGASUS fail. 
 
 POSTSCRIPT. 
 
 Since clofmg my Letter, chance brought me a tale, 
 That the Second Edition's already on fale ; 
 And the Public, it feems, are enabled to fix 
 Upon Burke playing fome of the Eookfelling tricks; 
 But the circumftance you may confider as worft, 
 Is the Second Edition's preceding the Firft ; 
 For Saturday morning, with humble fubmiflion, 
 Dodfley offer'd the Public the Firji-born Edition, 
 But the Second came forth on the Friday preceding, 
 And was privately fold for a Gentleman's reading, 
 
 Nov. ift, 1790. 
 
 LET-
 
 [ 346 ] 
 
 LETTER LXIII. 
 
 SOME things which at prefent 'twere needlefs to men* 
 tion, 
 
 From the PAMPHLET of BURKE turn'd away my at- 
 tention ; 
 
 But now I embrace the firft moment of leifure 
 
 To comment thereon and I do it with pleafure. 
 
 It feems, Dr. PRICE, a DISSENTING DIVINE, 
 A countryman, fure, of Aunt BRIDGET'S and mine, 
 Preach'd a Sermon replete with POLITICAL SENSE, 
 At which, leyal EDMUND took mighty offence. 
 You know, 'tis the ORATOR'S mode to exprefs 
 His thoughts in fuUime metaphorical drefs; 
 So he call'd it a fort of a porridge or mefs 
 Of POLITICS ftrong and MORALITY weak 
 The laft, milk and water the former, a leek. 
 The DOCTOR would make our Nobility preachers, 
 But Bu R K E does not like to have Mefs- Johns for teachers ; 
 So he reafons, with gravity, fome hundred lines 
 Againft DUKES and MARQJIISSES turning Divines. 
 As the Wilds of Dijent are rough, rugged, and dry, 
 He admits fome improvement might happen thereby; 
 
 That
 
 C 347 3 
 
 That the town might be pleas'd with a MARQUIS'S 
 
 preaching, 
 For novelty's fake, as they were with IMPEACHING. 
 
 After this EDMUND fays He is loath to acknowledge 
 PRICE'S right to erect an Electoral College 
 For the chufing of MONARCHS, and, therefore, (hall hope 
 The DOCTOR will not be ARCHPONTIFF, or POPE ; 
 And that KINGS may fit fafe on the Thrones they have 
 
 got, 
 
 Whether PRICE'S difdpks elect them or not. 
 Then EDMUND triumphantly feems to rejoice, 
 That the MONARCHY here is not matter of choice : 
 Then knocks the poor preacher with arguments down, 
 Whilft he proves that a KING has a right to a Crown. 
 The DOCTOR, fays BURKE, as the reader may fee, 
 In his SERMON, eftablimes principles three 
 
 1. Their RULERS, the mob, have a right to elect : 
 
 2. To camier for mifconduct or any defect : 
 
 3. For themfelves a new GOVERNMENT they ma}' 
 
 erect. J 
 
 Then BURKE analizes this new BILL of RIGHTS; 
 And puts it in many ridiculous lights; 
 Concluding, atlaft, that this grand inflitution 
 Is a CLUB or SOCIETY for REVOLUTION. 
 
 Skipping
 
 t 348 3 
 
 Skipping eighty dull pages, with hafte I advance 
 To EDMUND delcribing the BEGUM of FRANCE. 
 You muft know, that though BURKE is near fixty years. 
 
 old, 
 
 In the funmine of beauty his heart is not cold ; 
 And were we to judge from his vigorous pen, 
 We mould think his young days coming over again. 
 
 You have read how DON QUIXOTE fe-kcted a dame i 
 How he languiuYd, and lov'd, and refounded her fame ! 
 For he knew that Knight Errantry could not exift, 
 Unlefs BEAUTY were placed at the head of the lift : 
 In like manner DON EDMUND once folemnly vow'd 
 He would ftill be the KNIGHT of the BEGUM of OUDE; 
 He fought all her battles, as bound by his duty, 
 And laid all he could in defence of her beauty^ 
 But as lovers too frequently wander and range, 
 DON EDMUND has fuddenly taken a change. 
 Now leaving the BEGUM behold him advance, 
 And brandilh his pen, in the room of a lance, 
 Tndefence of the prefent QUEEN CONSORT of FRANCE ! 
 " Sixteen years ago, or my memory fails, 
 < The QUEEN, then the DAUPHINESS, was at Verfatties* 
 " When furely (exclaims the old languijh'mg DON,) 
 " So delightful a VISION, ne'er lighted upon 
 
 i < This 
 
 j
 
 C 349 ] 
 
 tf This ORB; for her motion andge/ture was fuch, 
 " Tho* ihe trod on the ground, (he appeared not to 
 
 " touch 
 
 " Above the horizon, I faw her appearing, 
 <c The fphere of her movement enlight'ning and cheering ; 
 " Full of joy, life, and fplendour, the Palace adorning, 
 " She glkter'd and (hone like zftar in the morning '" 
 
 But here 'tis a difficult tafk to rehearle, 
 The efTufions of \voefrom DON EDMUND in verfe; 
 For all of afudden, he changes his ditty, 
 And my eyes are, alas ! running over with PITY. 
 He tells us the QUEEN was affrighted, and fled, 
 One night from her own, to his MAJESTY'S bed. 
 <c Oh ! how could I dream, that mjixteenfiort years, 
 " In a nation of HEROES, and brave CAVALIERS 
 " Jn a nation of men of high primitive honour, 
 <f A difajler like this mould have lighted, upon her ; 
 " Ten thoufand bright fwords I fuppos'd, but miftook, 
 " Wou'd leap from their fcabbards to punifti a look : 
 " But, alas! thus continues the forrowful DON, 
 ee The age is quite alter'd, and CHIVALRY'S gone; 
 " Economiftsy Sophifters, and Cakulaters, 
 " Reformers of Kitchens , and Parliament Praters, 
 Cf Have fucceeded in fpite of my honeft endeavour, 
 <c And the GLORY of EUROPE'S extinguilh'd for ever. 
 
 " Should
 
 [ 35 ] 
 
 " Should Knight Errantry ever go quite out of feafon, 
 " And if men (hould become more enlightened by reafon, 
 ** Nay, mould they proceed on this fyftem of things, 
 " It muft prove in the end inimical to KINGS. 
 " According to their new fophiftical plan, 
 " A KING on his throne ftill continues a man ; 
 " And to be but a zvoman, continues a QUEEN, 
 C( And a woman s an animal apt to be mean" 
 
 Thus EDMUND the Empire of Reafon denies, 
 In the doing whereof, he's fagacious and wife ; 
 The intereft of B , reafon never promoted, 
 Then wherefore mould he be to reafon devoted- 
 All his life waging war againft reajon andfenfe, 
 To exterminate both is an acl of defence. 
 From a natural principle all men oppofe, 
 As well accidental, as natural Joes ; 
 With reciprocal vengeance, men juftly condemn, 
 Whatever may caft a reproach upon them. 
 
 There is one thing in BURKE, and I've noticed it ofren, 
 A pitiful tale, or a picture, can foften 
 His hard twitted heart, but his ftill harder eye, 
 Can furvey Teal woe, without even a figh. 
 I remember when EDMUND, the Nation provoking, 
 Made the Malady-royal a fubjeft for joking ; 
 
 a Lords
 
 C 35' 3 
 Lords and Commons (his Colleagues excepted,) pour- 
 
 traying, 
 
 Like dogs o'er a carcafe contending and baying. 
 He faid, that the King God had hurled from his throne* 
 Had no property left him, no rights of his own 
 Sick Majefty making the theme of a pun 
 To revile was a virtue, to laugh at was fun : 
 But mark how a foreign King alters his tone, 
 For the King thus infulted, alas ! was his own. 
 " Now the man who can fpurn at a monarch fo hurl'd, 
 " As Louis now is, by the Lord of the world, 
 <{ And can tread on a Prince in diftrefs, is a creature 
 (( In morals asjlrange, as a Monfter in nature. 
 " Had I laugh'd at the Monarch of France or his Queen, 
 " At a tragedy how mould I blufh to be feen 
 " Shedding tears at Andromache's fufferings in fiction, 
 " When 'twas known I had fported with real affliction." 
 'Tis curious enough to obferve, my dear Brother, 
 How nearly one Tyrant refembles another ; 
 For as ED D reproach'd Doctor PRICE, that heflione 
 By impofing HUGH PETERS'S words for his own ; 
 So this fentiment, fine as it is, is no more 
 Than a * TYRANT of THESSALY utter'd before 
 
 * His name was Alexander. He ufed to few his fubje&s in bear 
 Ikins, and have them baited by dogs for his amufement and diver- 
 fion. 
 
 Perhaps
 
 C 35* ] 
 
 Perhaps, you will fay, that ti&ejbtddtr of blood, 
 
 And the man who would willingly Jhed if be could y 
 
 May both without copy or concert exprefs 
 
 Their fimilar feelings in fimilar drefs 
 
 Of the tyrant juft mention'd, I've heard it related, 
 
 How he few'd up his fubjects in fkins to be baited 
 
 Not, indeed, to be bark'd at, and torn by himfelf, 
 
 But by dogs which were purchas'd and train'd by his 
 
 pelf, 
 
 In thisinftance to try, if the equipoife fails, 
 Shall we weigh them in Plutarch's hiftorical fcales ? 
 Afk HASTINGS he'll fay, they are both of a piece, 
 The Lad of Kilkenny and Tyrant of Greece. 
 He wou'd rather endure, as I heard him once {"wear, 
 To be baited by dogs, and be clad like a bear, 
 Than to fit, though by Peerefles gaz'd at and Peers, 
 And be held for five hours at a ftretch by the ears, 
 With EDMUND'S Cerberean Eloquence wrung, 
 And abufethat like Aconite Jlozvs from his tongue, 
 Though BURKE ftill laments, and with truth, it is thought, 
 That his culprit does not feel fo much as he ought, 
 And for this to the LORDS, join'd with arguments 
 
 ilronger, 
 
 He prays to torment him fa feven years longer. 
 Nov. nth, 1790; 
 
 LET-
 
 C 353 3 
 
 LETTER LXIV< 
 
 JL HIS wonderful Book, my dear SIMON, imparts 
 New means of improving the LIBERAL ARTS ; 
 I faw t'other day, as 1 happen'd to ftop 
 Tn the ftreet, a new PRINT in a bookfeller's mop : 
 On the left there appeared a moft beautiful Dame, 
 DULCINEA'S rival, or rather the fame ; 
 All around the horizon a Glory was fpread, 
 Emanating in flreams from the GODDESS'S head ; 
 Underneath, an OLD DON was exhibited kneeling, 
 Whom TIME had in vain try'd to rob of his feeling, 
 For CUPID, young rafcal, determined to fcorch 
 His heart, was come down with his love-lighting torch, 
 His /peftacled eyes were her beauty adoring, 
 And his wide gaping mouth was her favour imploring; 
 But the LADY fcarce heeding the kve-fmitten DON, 
 Appears on the wing, and in hafte to be gone : 
 She runs to get rid of his Death and Defpair, 
 $o faft, that me treads upon nothing but air ; 
 The next thing in courfe, which I muft not forget, 
 Is thefcalt of 'precedence , in payment of debt; 
 
 A a Accor-
 
 [ 354 ] 
 
 According to EDMUND, a bribe or zpenjion, 
 Has of all other debts, the firft claim or pretenfion ; 
 And he thinks yon ASSEMBLY was playing the knave, 
 When they ftnick off the penfions his MAJESTY gave ; 
 And that they were more fundamentally wrong, 
 In difcharging tkofe DEBTS which were owing too long ; 
 And that he who his cafh to a Government lends, 
 Should his PRINCIPAL forfeit, by way of amends. 
 Then he tells us, the Catholic Clergy are footing 
 All France with their tears, for the lots of their pudding ; 
 Whofe right to good living, our AUTHOR fuppofes, 
 May be fairly derived from a Chapter of Mofes. 
 
 Then EDMUND directs the keen point of his pen, 
 To the dotfrine of Rights appertaining to men ; 
 No MARIUS, no SYLLA, no Roman Dictator, 
 No Tribune, no tyrant, no grand Devaftator ; 
 Not HARRY the Vlllth, that immenfe Conffcator, 
 Stretch'd forth in like manner INJUSTICE'S rod, 
 As France has of late on the Servants of GOD. 
 
 But here, my dear SIMON, I ought to relate, 
 Some things which have pad in this neighbouring State. 
 
 It feems that French Parfons by fluffing and feeding, 
 Were too fat and Jhort-winded for preaching and rending ; 
 
 Befides,
 
 C 355 3 
 
 Befides, their high living, as EDMUND confefles, 
 Had often occafion'd immoral excefies. 
 Hence, the NATIONAL COUNCIL thought fit to reduce 
 Their income, and render the Clergy of ufe ; 
 THEY thought them mere fervants, receiving the pay 
 Of the State, and of confequence bound to obey ; 
 That whene'er with zfervant the mafter engages, 
 He alone has the right of prefcribing the wages ; 
 But EDMUND fuppofes thefe mepherds and paftors 
 Have a much better right to the foil than their matters, 
 And that the folc purpofe of tending their flocks, 
 Is to make what addition they can to their flocks; 
 That the CLERGY themfelves mould, in order to render 
 The LAITY good, live in very great fplendor; 
 And to give CHRISTIANITY fpirit and vigour, 
 The Priefthood mould cut a mo/i capital figure. 
 Thus he proves, by diffufing his fpiritual light, 
 That JOHN BULL poflefles no natural right; 
 And he gives us at length his decided opinion, 
 That Bifoops and Lords mould inherit dominion. 
 
 But indeed, my dear BROTHER, I queflion if JOHN 
 Will relim the dodtrine deliver'd by DON ; 
 The Priefthood will favour his new Orthodoxy, 
 And give him their votes both in perfon and proxy. 
 
 A a 2 You
 
 C 356 1 
 
 You aflc me, by whom was Don EDMUND elected 
 
 Chief Jujlice, and who his Tribunal ereded ? 
 
 I anfwer Pray who was Don QUIXOTE'S Eleftor, 
 
 When he glitter'd in arms, diftrefs'd BE AUT v'sprotefior ? 
 
 You aik me, what infatuation of mind 
 
 Makes EDMUND wage war with the rights of mankind? 
 
 By a fimilar queftion T anfwer you ftill 
 
 Pray why did Don QUIXOTE encounter the mill ? 
 
 *Tis afferted in terms unequivocal, flat, 
 
 That EDMUND look'd up to a CARDINAL'S Hat, 
 
 When he wifh'd that his young correfpondent and friend, 
 
 Th' ARCHBISHOP of PARIS to England would fend 
 
 And by way of Bravado, and Mifery Jlabblng, 
 
 In exchange he would fend him a Proleftant Rabbin. 
 
 Believe me, fays EDMUND, we (hall not negled 
 
 To treat the ARCHBISHOP with proper refpect ; 
 
 Provided a plentiful baggage he brings, 
 
 Full of Money and Jewels, and other good things ; 
 
 I will guard it fo well, if the Prelate be willing, 
 
 That the Treafury here (ha'n't confifcate a (hilling. 
 
 Before, for the prefent, I lay down my pen, 
 As it may be fome time e'er I write you again, 
 I (hall give you a tafte of his Logical Powers, 
 Inftead of nfwfof Rhetorical Flowers. 
 
 2 He
 
 C 357 3 
 
 He fays, that the French Revolutionifts mould, 
 To render their Government perfettly good, 
 Derive all the claims, and their inftances quote, 
 From an old race of Anceftors very remote ; 
 And by holding thofe FATHERS in high veneration, 
 And with the affiftance of imagination, 
 Afcribe to them Wifdom and Virtue ideal, 
 Which may ferve, for example, as if it were real : 
 In this manner our great Metaphyfical MAN, 
 For a new CONSTITUTION has fettled &plan. 
 
 Here then, my Dear SIMON, this LETTER I clofe, 
 And, perhaps, I hereafter may comment in profe, 
 
 Nov. 15, 1790, 
 
 A a 3 LET-
 
 C 358 ] 
 
 LETTER LXV. J 
 
 IF SIMON, or any Welch Cou/in, expects 
 
 My comment in profe on the Knight Erranfs text, 
 
 I wifh them to know that the Work I began, 
 
 But was forc'd with relu&ance to give up my plan ; 
 
 For I found EDMUND'S profe with fuch melody flowing, 
 
 That \\.Jlid into verfe without thinking or knowing ; 
 
 This circumftance fingle, abundantly (hows, 
 
 That DON is a capital POET in profe. 
 
 The fubjecl to which I (hall draw your attention, 
 Is the very laft page, where the AUTHOR makes men- 
 tion 
 
 Of Himfelf, and the caufe and effect of his writing, 
 All curious enough to deferve my reciting : 
 There is little, fays BURKE, that can much recommend 
 This Work to my young Correfpondent and Friend, 
 Except obfervation. attentive and long, 
 And a judgement that feldom or never goes wrong ; 
 It comes from a perfon that follows no rule, 
 Who (loops not to flatter or ferve as a tool, 
 
 Who
 
 C 359 1 
 
 Who wifh'd, if be cou'dhave contrived it, to fhun 
 
 The departure fo wide, from the courfe he had run, 
 
 And belying the whole he had formerly done. 
 
 It comes from a man long accuftom'd to flruggle 
 
 For the freedom of others, (which now proves a juggle :) 
 
 From one in vvhofe breaft no refentment or rage 
 
 Maintain 'd its pofleffion for more than an age, 
 
 Except when the objett of anger was fuch, 
 
 As he thought could not poffibly fuffer too much .* 
 
 From one who, in concert with other good men, 
 
 Has long been employing his tongue and his pen, 
 
 Of haughty oppreffion to lower the pitch, 
 
 Reducing to poverty all who are rich ; 
 
 Who fnatch'd from that laudable, good undertaking, 
 
 Now and then a few hours, for the purpofe of making 
 
 Somejujl OBSERVATIONS on what you are doing, 
 
 And to fave you from total perdition and ruin : 
 
 It comes from a man who would like well enough 
 
 DiJlinSlions and honours, and fuch kind of fluff , 
 
 Who, if offer'd, moft certainly would not rejecl 'em, 
 
 But who does not pretend any right to expeft 'em : 
 
 It comes from a man who defpifes not fame, 
 
 Yet fears no reproach, and is proof againjl Jhame : 
 
 It comes from man who contention abhors, 
 
 Yet fports an opinion, and carries on wars ; 
 
 From.
 
 From one who is always CONSISTENCY'S friend, 
 
 Yet varies the means to arrive at his end : 
 
 It comes from a man, who, by way of preferving 
 
 Conjiftency, often is guilty of fwerving ; 
 
 But then, he departs from Conjt/lency's line, 
 
 For preferving the unity of his defign. 
 
 This language, DEAR BROTHER, is rather obfcure, 
 But its meaning, tho' latent, is certain and fure : 
 BURKE formerly thought, 'twas a very good thing, 
 To lower the pride and the purfe of a KING ; 
 He maintained that the STATE, the whole Churchy and 
 
 its Steeple, 
 
 Were nothing, compar'd with the RIGHTS of the PEO- 
 PLE ; 
 
 And that the refitting AUTHORITY ROYAL 
 By AMERICAN REBELS, was perfeft/y loyal ; 
 He faid that the then HOUSE of COMMONS was venal, 
 And that NORTH ought to anfwer in damages penal : 
 He compos'd many Speeches and Books upon freedom, 
 In hopes that the PEOPLE of ENGLAND would read 
 
 'em, 
 
 And himfelf by the nofe be enabled to lead 'em, 
 After forty years labour, he found that the caufe 
 Of FREEDOM, brought nothing but windy applaitfe; 
 
 That,
 
 C 361 j 
 
 That in fpite of his long, unremitted endeavour, 
 
 His pocket remain'd juft as empty as ever : 
 
 He therefore determines to enter the port 
 
 Of PLUTUS, by praiiing the MEASURES OF COURT t 
 
 Thus we fee what he meant, when he faid to his friend, 
 
 He would vary the means, to arrive at the end. 
 
 i 
 
 Should you afk, how the CRITICS in general look 
 Upon this lately publifh'd, this laudable BOOK ? 
 I mould anfwer, the JUDGES in parties divide, 
 And that Burke from himfelf does not differ more wide, 
 Than the fentence of thofe who prefume to decide. 
 Some fay, that the Book is a Wonder of Wonders ! 
 Some call it a Copia Verb or urn and Blunders ; 
 Some fay 'tis a garden of beautiful flowers, 
 Mix'd with hemlock and weeds of mortiferous powers. 
 The BISHOPS all fay, that its merit is fuch, 
 That it ne'er can be read, or commended too much, 
 And they mean to tranflate it in German and Dutch : 
 And mould fome ORIENTALIST render the work 
 Jn Arabic, 'twould teach both the MOGUL and TURK. 
 
 Afatyrical MAJOR, in company fwore, 
 That EDMUND rcfembled a black HELLALKHORE j 
 Whofe touch would a pearl or an emeraldy?tf/, 
 So much that no HINDOO would wear it again ; 
 
 That
 
 [ 3* 3 
 
 That whenever his purpofe veracity fuited, 
 
 The foigbtnefs thereof was by EDMUND polluted ^ 
 
 I can't, altogether, aflent to this laft, 
 
 For truth is no BRAMIN, and lofes no caft ; 
 
 However, this much, I am free to confefs, 
 
 That EDMUND gives TRUTH fuch a highflying drefs ; 
 
 So colours and daubs her all over with paint^ 
 
 That (lie looks like a HARLOT inftead of a Saint. 
 
 \ An additional blunder I've lately detected, 
 Which, indeed, is no more than might well be expected 
 PON BURKE'S Correfpondent, fo gentle and J0#, 
 Knows littJe, except his vernacular tongue ; 
 Now thejtile of this Book is hfubtle and fine, 
 That he cannot difcover thefenfe of one line ; 
 And BURKE being afk'd to correct the miftake, 
 \ltepitblijtfd, in French, for the GENTLEMAN'S fake. 
 
 Nov. 20, 1790. 
 
 .... 
 
 L E T-
 
 C 363 3 
 
 LETTER LXVI. 
 
 ' 
 
 Y OU remember, dear SIMON, that Curate in Wales, 
 Who, among other Ecclefiaftical Tales, 
 Inform'd us how ST. ATHANASIUS difputed, 
 Without either confuting, or being confuted, 
 With ARIUS, his Brother; when, laftly, agreed, 
 Each polemical Bifhop to publifli his Creed ; 
 Juft fo have difputed our JOSEPHS, and FOXES, 
 And EDMUNDS, concerning the charms of their Doxies ; 
 Great EDMUND, wound up to infancy's pitch, 
 Calls the Doxy of JOSEPH a Billingfgate Bitch ; 
 Who, by fpreading/#//f 'Tales, and creating fufpicion, 
 Endeavours to ftir up Inteftine Sedition ; 
 That her aim is to throw all the world in a flame, 
 And that Hetero mould be the termagant's name ; 
 And the Doxy of CHARLES, he is apt to fuppofe, 
 Is a Vixen, as ugly, and wicked as JOE'S; 
 At the fame time the Gentleman fays, that his own, 
 Call'd ORTHO/S a Doxy deferving a Throne ; 
 
 But
 
 C 364 ] 
 
 But JOSEPH inflam'd, can no longer endure 
 His beloved to fee in a Caricature, 
 And has, therefore, refolv'd on expofing to view 
 Her picture, in naked Simplicity true. 
 
 But now, my 'dear SIMON, by way of forfaking 
 This new metaphorical manner of fpeaking, 
 Let me tell you that JOE is preparing, with fpeed, 
 To exhibit in print his Political Creed, 
 Which bright emanation of knowledge divine, 
 Muft illumine fuch dark underftandings as mine. 
 The work will be fratn'd on the Moraltft's plan, 
 As a kind of Political Duty of Man ; 
 It will teach us, among other wonderful things, 
 We Rights of the People, and Duties of Kings ; 
 And many more Rights, which I need not rehearfc 
 Juft now, as I mean to recite them in verfe ; 
 For moft people think, that fuch writings as JOE'S 
 And EDMUND'S, read better in verfe than in profe. 
 
 You faid, in your laft, that my Taj/yland friends 
 Are anxious to know what my Hero intends ; 
 You may tell them, that now he the houfe is bc- 
 
 feeching, 
 For a feven year's leave to go on with impeaching ; 
 
 And
 
 C.-ss 3 
 
 And to PITT he will probably fend a petition, 
 
 That he and the Council will grant him permiffion, 
 
 To bring WARREN HASTINGS once more to the Bar, 
 
 With whom he is willing and ready to fpar, 
 
 Like HANNIBAL, fwearing perpetual war : 
 
 And indeed, my DEAR FRIEND, thefe political men 
 
 May juftly be liken'd to JOHNSON and BEN, 
 
 MENDOZA and HUMPHREYS, who meet on a flagc, 
 
 And without provocation each other engage. 
 
 I dreamt, t'other night, as I lay on my bed, 
 
 With BURKE and Impeachment pofiefling my head, 
 
 That a Member of Parliament fuddenly rofe, 
 
 All future proceedings to check and oppofe. 
 
 He faid, that the ftories my Hero had told, 
 
 For the feven laft years, had the Nation cajol'd. 
 
 And made them believe, for a very long time, 
 
 That HASTINGS committed fome actual crime; 
 
 That thoufands and thoufands were laviftily fpent. 
 
 Without even a chance of the promised event ; 
 
 That three years had pafs'd fince the TRIAL begun, 
 
 And only three CHARGES were only half done ; 
 
 That he ftrongly fufpected 'twas one man's endeavour 
 
 To make the faid TRIAL continue for ever, 
 
 By way of providing for this and the other, 
 
 (Alluding perhaps to the GENERAL'S Brother) ; 
 
 That,
 
 C 366 ] 
 
 That, even fuppofmg the CHARGES were true, 
 The Pris'ner had fuffer'd much more than was due ; 
 But fuppofmg no criminal deed were committed, 
 And that after BURKE'S death he were fairly acquitted, 
 What recompence then could his countrymen make, 
 To the man who had fuffer'd fo much for their fake. 
 
 Here the ORATOR waxing exceedingly warm, 
 And rolling about like a Ship in a Storm, 
 Gave his head a high pitch, and declar'd 'twas a mame 
 To defraud the keen hound of his long hunted game. 
 Eight years had t\\e ftrong-fcented, deep noted PACK, 
 Purfued the wild BEAST through his long-winding track; 
 And now he was juft within reach of their paws, 
 Muft they give up their chafe, in obedience to Laws ? 
 What Hunter's fo dull, or what well mounted Spark, 
 In purfuit of the game, would not break thro' a Park ? 
 No, No let us on, in Humanity's caufe, 
 Regardlefs of Precedents, Cuftoms, and Laws. 
 Whenever their LoRDSHips appointed a day, 
 Did I ever once fhew the leaft^tf of delay, 
 Or the fmallefl intention of leaving my prey ? 
 If the MINISTER does not begrudge the expence, 
 Why mould not the TRIAL de novo commence ? 
 If their LORDSHIPS complain they are weary of hearing, 
 Let 'em take by rotation the days of appearing ; 
 
 Re-
 
 C 367 ] 
 
 Relieving each other, as Centinels do, 
 
 A method of trial, both ufeful and new* 
 
 And if on my I.,aw, they place proper dependance, 
 
 The COURT may difpenfe with the JUDGES' attendance ; 
 
 Nor need at the trouble my Colleagues repine ; 
 
 They may fit at their eafe, all the work (hall be mine j 
 
 And as to the PRIS'NER, his crimes are fo great, 
 
 That he never can fuffer too foon or too late ; 
 
 For actions fofoul,fo excejjively wrong, 
 
 He cannot be tortured too much or too long. 
 
 Remember that Jbocking, that horrid abttfe, 
 
 His receiving TEN L.ACKS for the COMPANY'S ufe; 
 
 His forcing CHEYT SING to contribute a (hare 
 
 Of expence, which he feem'd fo unwilling to bear ; 
 
 His advifing the foft-hearted PRINCE to impofe 
 
 On his MOTHER a fine for aflrfting his foes. 
 
 Such wickednefs how can the Nation forgive, 
 
 Or fuffer this wretch any longer to live ? 
 
 He mould flowly pafs thro' the gradations and ftages 
 
 Of mis'ry, protracted for ages and ages ; 
 
 His mind fliould be tortur'd with dread of conviction, 
 
 And of fentence, the moft ignominious infliction. 
 
 Purfue him I will to the very laft breath, 
 
 Nor (hall any thing fare the fill MONSTER, but death, 
 
 Juft
 
 C 363 ] 
 
 Juft here, EDMUND feem'd in a fit of defpair, 
 He threw up his hands and was thumping the air ; 
 His horrors, his geftures extravagant, broke 
 The chain ofmyjleep y and I therefore awoke. 
 
 Dec. 17, 1790. 
 
 SPLENDID

 
 
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