COPYRIGHT 1886. 
 
 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. 
 
VOLUME FIRST 
 
 JOSKPH SMITH 
 
 THE PROPHET 
 
 A Study Based on Facts and Documents 
 
 WITH FOURTEEN ILLUSTRATIONS 
 
 SALT LAKE CITY 
 
 TRIBUNE PRINTING AND PUBLISHING COMPANY 
 1886 
 
DEATH MASK OF JOSEPH SMITH. 
 
 From a Cast in the Possession of Brigham Young. 
 
JOSEPH SMITH: 
 
 " Nobody knows what the other world will be." 
 
 " I have got the damned fools fixed and will carry out the fun." 
 
 " The world owes me a good living and if I cannot get it without, 
 I'll steal it and catch me at it if you can." 
 
 " We will all go to hell together and convert it into a heaven by 
 casting the Devil out; hell is by no means the place this world of fools 
 supposes it to be, but on the contrary, it is quite an agreeable place." 
 
 BRIGHAM YOUNG: 
 
 " There is not a bishop in this whole Territory who is not a damned 
 thief." 
 
 " We have the meanest devils on the earth in our midst and we 
 intend to keep them, for we have use for them." 
 
 " I have many a time dared the world to produce as mean devils 
 as we can ; we can beat them at anything. We have the greatest and 
 smoothest liars in the world, the cunningest and most adroit thieves and 
 any other shade of character that you can mention. We can pick out 
 elders in Israel right here who can beat the world at gambling ; who 
 can handle the cards ; who can cut and shuffle them with the smartest 
 rogue on the face of God's foot-stool. I can produce elders here who 
 can shave their smartest shavers and take their money from them. We 
 can beat the world at any game. We can beat them because we have 
 men here that live in the light of the Lord ; that have the holy priest- 
 hood and hold the keys of the Kingdom of God." 
 
NOTICE. 
 
 Volume Second of MORMON PORTRAITS, which I have entitled 
 Brigham Young and His People, will appear in a few months. 
 
 I respectfully solicit information, either in personal interviews or 
 by post, from all trustworthy sources and shall be much obliged for the 
 same ; as well as for the pointing out of any errors of statement, how- 
 ever slight, that may by accident have crept into this volume. My 
 address is 
 
 DR. W. WYL, 
 SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH. 
 
 JULY 17, 1886. 
 
The family is the unit of the modern State. Woman is the heart 
 and crown of the modern family. In Mormonism womanhood has 
 been outraged and crucified from Emma Smith to the last polygamous 
 victim and martyr. 
 
 Looking around me and afar, and seeing no brighter or braver 
 spirit opposing this monstrous evil, I take the liberty to inscribe this 
 little volume on Mormonism to one who seems to be equally at home 
 on either side of the Atlantic, 
 
 Miss KATE FIELD. 
 
TESTIMONIALS. 
 
 TERRITORY OF UTAH, EXECUTIVE OFFICE, 
 SALT LAKE CITY, May 2, 1885. 
 
 To whom this may come : 
 
 Dr. W. Wyl, a representative of the Berliner Tage- 
 blatt, and who is commended to me from a high personal 
 and official source as a " highly cultivated and thoroughly 
 reliable gentleman," has for four months assiduously 
 labored in the investigation of the questions involved in 
 Mormonism. I am satisfied that he has given the subject 
 careful study, and is therefore qualified to write advisedly 
 of the situation, past and present. 
 Respectfully, 
 
 ELI H. MURRAY, 
 
 Governor. 
 
 We, the undersigned, hereby certify that we know that 
 Dr. W. Wyl, a German author and correspondent, has 
 worked very earnestly for months to collect facts from a 
 number of witnesses living in Salt Lake City, relating to 
 the history of Mormonism. We believe that Dr. Wyl has 
 done his work in a thoroughly honest and truth-loving 
 spirit, and that his Book will be a valuable addition to the 
 material collected by other reliable writers. 
 
 W. S. GODBE, 
 H. W. LAWRENCE, 
 E. L. T. HARRISON. 
 SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH TER., April 28, 1886. 
 
THE DAILY TRIBUNE, (EDITORIAL ROOMS,) ) 
 SALT LAKE CITY, May 12, 1885. } 
 Dr. W. Wyl: 
 
 MY DEAR DOCTOR: I have been doing myself the 
 honor to keep a pretty close watch of you in this city for 
 several months. I believe I never saw a more earnest, 
 conscientious or persistent searcher after facts. I believe 
 you know as much about Mormonism as any man who 
 never spent more than twice the time you have in investi- 
 gating it. 
 
 I believe you will be of good service to man and to 
 free government by presenting the array of facts which you 
 have accumulated either in book or lecture form. I believe 
 the conclusions you have drawn from the facts are sound, 
 and now, Dear Sir, " Hail and Farewell." 
 Most sincerely yours, 
 
 C. C. GOODWIN. 
 
 SALT LAKE, UTAH, May 7, 1885. 
 To Dr. W. Wyl: 
 
 DEAR SIR: I think, from the manner in which your 
 inquiries have been conducted, that you have obtained a 
 more thorough knowledge of the past history and present 
 aspect of Mormonism than any one who has ever visited 
 our Territory with this object in view. You have gathered 
 materials for a book which ought to be of absorbing inter- 
 est, and your ability as a writer ( if you will allow me to 
 be the judge) insures the presentation of the facts in hand 
 in such a manner that the reader who once opens your 
 book will not be able to lay it aside until it is finished. 
 
 With the hope that your book may have the success 
 that it is sure to deserve, I remain very sincerely yours, 
 
 CORNELIA PADDOCK. 
 
 To whom this may come : 
 
 I have been thoroughly acquainted with the Mormon 
 Church for over fifty years. I attended grammar school 
 
7 
 
 with Joseph Smith in Kirtland, Ohio, in the winter of 
 1834 and 1835, and assisted in teaching Joseph Smith, the 
 prophet, English grammar. I witnessed the history of the 
 Church in Kirtland, Ohio, in Caldwell and Davies coun- 
 ties, Mo., in Nauvoo, 111., and in Salt Lake City. I was 
 intimately acquainted with Joseph Smith and his family 
 for eleven years', also with all the leading men of the 
 Church down to the present time. I have been thoroughly 
 acquainted with the system and all the important facts of 
 the history of the Mormon Church. In many interviews 
 during March, April and May, 1885, I have given all the 
 facts within my knowledge to Dr. W. Wyl, who wrote 
 them down in shorthand. I think Dr. Wyl has enjoyed 
 the best facilities for obtaining a thorough knowledge of 
 Mormon History, and I look forward to his intended pub- 
 lication with great interest. 
 
 C. G. WEBB. 
 SALT LAKE CITY, May 14, 1885, 
 
 To whom it may concern : 
 
 I was baptized into the Mormon Church forty-five years 
 ago, in the river Mersey at Liverpool, by Elder John 
 Taylor, now President of the Mormon Church. I have 
 lived for twenty-five years in Southern Utah, city of Paro- 
 wan, and have known personally nearly all those who were 
 implicated in the "Mountain Meadows Massacre." I 
 was cut off from the Church because I could not convince 
 myself that murder and stealing were agreeable to God. 
 I came very near being killed as an apostate by the 
 "Danites" or " Destroying Angels " of the Church. I 
 think there are few persons living in Utah who have a 
 more complete knowledge of the history of Mormonism 
 in Southern Utah, especially during the terrible time of 
 the so-called ''Reformation," when the spirit of murder 
 was supreme in the Church. I have told in many inter- 
 views all the important facts stored up in my memory to 
 Dr. W. Wyl, and he has taken them down in shorthand. 
 I feel satisfied that he has collected a great number of 
 
facts which have never been published, and that he has 
 acquired a very good inside view of the History and spirit 
 of the Mormon Church. 
 
 JAMES McGuFFiE, 
 N. 425 E. Third South Street. 
 SALT LAKE CITY, May 14, 1885. 
 
 To whom it may concern : 
 
 This is to certify that the writer has been associated 
 with the Mormons for a period of over thirty years, and 
 for the past seventeen years principally in Salt Lake City. 
 I, am personally and thoroughly acquainted with the poli- 
 tical and religious institutions of the Mormons ; also with 
 their history as a people, as well as with their public 
 character as a community residing in the Territory of 
 Utah. 
 
 I have known the bearer, Dr. W. Wyl, author and cor- 
 respondent of Berlin, Germany, for the past few months 
 since he has resided in this city. He has been engaged 
 in collecting data from which to write and publish a book 
 on Mormonism. From the well-known characters and 
 abilities of his "witnesses," I feel safe in saying that he 
 has obtained a fund of the most trustworthy information 
 possible, and such as no preceding writer has ever been 
 able to disclose. Dr. Wyl, through his evident impar- 
 tiality and the entire absence of personal prejudice, has 
 made a host of substantial friends in this city, from whom 
 he has obtained a clear and vivid insight into the inner 
 life of this " peculiar people," as well as the most com- 
 prehensive conception of their objects, aims and purposes. 
 From the pen of such an author the public may reason- 
 ably expect a thorough and complete elucidation of the sub- 
 ject to be treated, and learn probably for the first time 
 that the Mormons are politically an aggressive people, and 
 that Mormonism, as regards the secret aims and teachings 
 of the leaders, is nothing less than organized TREASON. 
 Yours truly, 
 
 JOSEPH SALISBURY. 
 
 SALT LAKE CITY, April 27, 1885. 
 
To whom it may concern: 
 
 My friend, Dr. W. Wyl, has spent nearly five months 
 in Salt Lake City, in the spring of 1885, an< ^ ^ n April and 
 May, 1886, and has made a special and exhaustive study 
 of the history of the Mormon Church, from its inception 
 to date. Having carefully digested most of the publica- 
 tions pro and contra on this subject, and having worked 
 day after day with living witnesses, the very best to be 
 had in the Territory, taking down their depositions in 
 shorthand, Dr. Wyl has succeeded in collecting a mass of 
 material which, in my opinion, will enable him to produce 
 a book full of new facts relating to Mormon history. Such 
 a book is much desired by all good citizens, and will do a 
 great deal of good, especially in the present crisis of Utah 
 affairs. Dr. Wyl's clear and full insight into Utah mat- 
 ters, past and present, his zeal and fidelity in collecting 
 and sifting data, justify the earnest hope that he will ere 
 long present to the reading public of this country, Great 
 Britain and Germany, a really standard book on the 
 characters and history of the most noted among the Mor- 
 mon leaders. DAVID F. WALKER. 
 
 SALT LAKE CITY, May 9, 1886. 
 
LETTER TO THE PUBLIC. 
 
 I do not wish to insult anybody in this book, or to 
 hurt anybody's feelings. I desire to do my simple duty 
 as a writer. That is all ; to do it as a critic and observer, 
 having the courage of my opinions, and being happily 
 free from "all entangling alliances." 
 
 I came first to this fine Territory in December, 1884; 
 stayed a few weeks and received my first general impres- 
 sions about the state of Utah affairs; took my first dip 
 into Mormon history and into the "Problem." I was 
 received in the kindest manner by Governor Murray, Mr. 
 David F. Walker, Judge C. C. Goodwin, Col. W. Nelson, 
 Col. O. J. Hollister; by Wm. S. Godbe, H. W. Lawrence 
 and E. L. T. Harrison, the well-known Mormon Apostates 
 and Reformers and their friends; by the venerable and 
 clear-headed widow of the " Paul of Mormonism," Mrs. 
 Sarah M. Pratt, herself an exhaustless mine of curious in- 
 formation; by the eminent authoress, Mrs. Cornelia Pad- 
 dock; also by a number of Apostles, Priests and Presidents 
 in the Mormon Church. My interest got awakened. I 
 returned to Utah early in February, '85, remaining till the 
 latter part of May. This second sojourn was devoted ex- 
 clusively to the taking of depositions from the mouths of 
 living witnesses: I have examined some eighty, all men 
 and women of recognized probity, and most of them of 
 superior intelligence. For months have I worked with 
 them from eight to ten hours a day, repeating my inter- 
 views until I had all the information they had to give. 
 I am still working daily in this way. 
 
 I have made studies in Rome, Naples and Sicily, in 
 France and England; have published some books about 
 Italy, and about the Passion Play in Oberammergau, but 
 never have I felt so interested, in all my life, as now in 
 the history and workings of Mormonism. What is the 
 
II 
 
 secret charm of this study? I don't know. It may be 
 the fact, that the study of a strikingly peculiar religious 
 sect affords more insight into human nature than any 
 other investigation; it may be, that the analysis of a 
 modern theocracy calls back so vividly the forms, work- 
 ings and general history, more or less dark, of older the- 
 ocracies, as that of the Jews, the Mohammedans and the 
 Jesuits; it may be that a book like the "Confession" of 
 John D. Lee shows not only in vivid and startling colors 
 the organism of one bloody fanatic and his murderous 
 mates, but that it explains at the same time, by analogy, 
 monsters like the Duke of Alva; shows that religious 
 fanaticism has taught at all times that crimes committed 
 in the name of God are meritorious, and shows, again, 
 that such teachings find many believers, who, having 
 devoted themselves to the service of some fancied " Lord,"' 
 can lie and perjure themselves, rob and butcher, believing 
 that they do the bidding of that God whom Jesus of 
 Nazareth taught to be a loving father to all. 
 
 The witnesses whose depositions are contained in my 
 book have been, for the most part, victims of a great 
 delusion. The Mormon missionaries told them in Europe 
 that the Gospel of Christ had been restored ; that mira- 
 cles of all kinds, including the gift of the Holy Ghost, 
 daily revelations of the Almighty, and scores of other 
 blessings would be given to the faithful followers of Joseph 
 Smith, the great Seer and Prophet ; that here in Utah was 
 the "home of the pure;" a paradise of innocence and 
 goodness ; nothing but brotherly love, peace and fidelity ; 
 that this was the new "Zion." But when they came here, 
 they saw a different picture. They saw that Brigham 
 Young was just as Joseph Smith had been, the great shark 
 and that the faithful were the carp. They did not hear 
 any more of the Bible, as they had heard in the old country ; 
 in "Zion" the Gospel was: Pay your tithing, obey the 
 priesthood in all things ; ask never any question, but do 
 as you are told ; take more wives, and if you have only a 
 little one-roomed log cabin, never mind, take wives and 
 build up the Kingdom, so that Brigham Young might soon 
 be king of an independent State of the Union ; pay your 
 
12 
 
 tithing and pay besides to swell all kinds of donations; 
 give away your money; ask never for an account, but be 
 happy in your poverty, while the High Priesthood are liv- 
 ing upon the fat of the land. Be spied upon every day in your 
 actions by the ' 'teachers," and even in your thoughts, 
 and be a spy yourself on your neighbor ; see whether he is 
 strong in the faith, and if he is not, kill him "cut his 
 throat to save his soul ; that is the way to love your neigh- 
 bor." * Hate your enemies "Pray for them," as Kim- 
 ball said publicly; "yes, that God may damn and destroy 
 them" and hate all that are not of your clan. Hate all 
 that is American, and swear terrible oaths, in the Endow- 
 ment House, that you will avenge the blood of the Pro- 
 phet on this nation. To make it short: "You may do 
 anything, you may be the most brutal wretch, you may 
 marry twenty wives and neglect one after the other, you 
 may rob and even kill your fellow-citizens (non-Mormons) 
 if you pay and obey you are all right ; so long as you do 
 this you are a faithful and worthy brother, and sure of your 
 kingdom and eternal glory in the other world." Such 
 were the public teachings in the earlier times of the Utah 
 theocracy. Since 1870 the talk and practice have become 
 milder, but the principles are still the same. 
 
 How could this tale, told to me a hundred times over, 
 fail to convince me that this whole "religion" was a spec- 
 ulation to enrich a few, give them gold, power and all the 
 brute pleasure hidden in the Greek word "polygamy?" 
 It has convinced me, sure enough ; because this tale came 
 from the mouths of good, honest, sincere people, who had 
 "gathered to Zion" full of religious zeal, who were terri- 
 bly disappointed, and finally, when they showed a change 
 in their opinions, ostracized, robbed and threatened with 
 violence and even death. Do you suppose, reader, that all 
 these people lie, or is the lie. perhaps, on the other side ? 
 Is not all the interest in keeping up the original fraud and 
 the highly profitable system on this other side ? I should 
 think so. 
 
 * Literally quoted from the speeches of Brigham Young, the great 
 philanthropist. 
 
Mormon ism has too long fooled the world, the new 
 and the old. It has too long claimed immunity as a 
 "religion," as an honest religious faith, with the known 
 and long-established facts attending its original fabrication 
 and its appalling development. Is it not indeed puerile for 
 the great Government of the United States to still contin- 
 ue tampering and temporizing with the outrageous fraud 
 as it has hitherto done? You prattle of ( 'polygamy" and 
 refuse to see the constant rebellion and treason ; you see a 
 tree and are blind to the forest. You like to joke about 
 the "old monarchical countries" and about ironclad Prince 
 Bismarck. But I tell you, that he would solve the "Mor- 
 mon Problem" in a week, while you are puzzled by it 
 since fifty years. He would not, like you, stand a help- 
 less babe before the high-schools of treason and licentious- 
 ness, called "Mormon Temples." He would bid them 
 go, those builders of the Kingdom, and build elsewhere. 
 Little Italy broke down the Pope's theocracy and great 
 America stands a giant gagged and pinioned with red 
 tape and circumlocution, helpless before that of King 
 John Taylor ! 
 
 But enough of this. I simply transcribe in my book 
 what my witnesses have told me, respectable and respected 
 people, who have been connected with Mormonism for 
 fifty, forty and thirty years. I have not doctored one 
 fact set forth in "Mormon Portraits." Let the Mormon 
 leaders try to prove that I have lied or exaggerated, but 
 do it in a decent manner, gentlemen, if you please. Don't 
 get angry when a man expresses his honestly acquired 
 conviction. In March, 1885, I wrote a dozen of letters 
 to the great Berlin paper, the Tageblatt, published by my 
 excellent friend, Rudolf Mosse. It seems that those letters 
 were extensively circulated and much read. At least a 
 Mormon missionary, a hopeful son of High Priest A. M. 
 Musser, wrote from Mannheim to his "very dear" father : 
 "In my last letter I enclosed some clippings written by a 
 man named Wyl. The papers continue to publish like 
 articles from him, strongly impregnated with the hatred 
 and gall which Satan alone can furnish." (Deseret News, 
 the official Church organ, May n, 1885.} 
 
14 
 
 Now, this isn't fair. I have never been, to my best 
 knowledge, in any literary connection with "Satan," and 
 I have never had any other than superficial knowledge of 
 him, till I got acquainted more intimately with some of 
 his choice doings, for example the Yates and Aikins 
 murders and the Mountain Meadows Massacre. Why 
 abuse a man instead of fighting him with facts and argu- 
 ment ? Let us come to an understanding. I am no ene- 
 my of the Mormon people. On the contrary, I sympathize 
 with them. Leading merchants, bankers, etc., in this 
 city, assure me that this people are good-hearted, indus- 
 trious and honest, and I believe it readily. But the Mor- 
 mon leaders are enemies of the Mormon people, enemies 
 of the United States, enemies of the law, simply because 
 they do not want to be disturbed in the piling up of great 
 fortunes, exercising absolute power and lordship, and 
 enjoying the embraces of as many "childbearing" (id est 
 young and tender) concubines as they have a mind to. I 
 admire this Territory. I never saw a finer climate, never 
 finer scenery. I find here the breezes of Naples and 
 Palermo and all the grand sights of Switzerland. This 
 should be a country full of independent men and happy 
 women, teeming with freely developed talent and indi- 
 vidual enterprise. The inhabitants of this paradise should 
 learn to think and act for themselves, the women should 
 learn to be men's equals and companions instead of their 
 "handmaids." It is the duty of the Government of this 
 great Republic to raise both men and women of Utah to 
 the dignity of citizens truly free, and the duty of every 
 honest writer to help on so noble a cause by telling the 
 truth. 
 
 This is the purpose, the only purpose of "Mormon 
 Portraits. ' ' I tell the truth so far as I have succeeded in 
 finding it by diligent and honest search. 
 
 W. WYL. 
 
 SALT LAKE CITY, May, 1886. 
 
PART I. 
 
 JOSKPH SMITH, 
 
 HIS FAMILY AND HIS FRIENDS. 
 
 I had read of the several movings and strange migra- 
 tions of the Mormons ; of their troubles and turmoils with 
 their always-persecuting neighbors; with state and national 
 authorities. It was hard for me to believe that in free 
 America any religious sect could be persecuted merely be- 
 cause it was too pure and good. Still, might not Mor- 
 monism be just the one exception proving the rule of perfect 
 religious toleration in this most tolerant and easy-going 
 Republic ? I resolved to examine the matter and see for 
 myself on which side was the burden of wrong-doing, and 
 what of truth there might be in this strange and continual 
 charge from the Mormon side of "persecution." It has 
 been my way to study eccentric and exceptional move- 
 ments, political and religious, in the personal characters 
 of the leading spirits of such movements. 
 
 Having applied my usual method in the case of Joseph 
 Smith and his associates, I find that the world at large and 
 especially the thousands of Mormons in Utah know but 
 little of the true life, character and actions of Joseph Smith 
 and the ringleaders of the so-called Mormon Church and 
 Kingdom. In my investigations I learned to my surprise 
 that Mormons by the thousand have left their leaders in 
 
1 6 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 the early times of the Church and neither came to Utah 
 nor rejoined their ranks. The vast majority of the poor 
 dupes in Utah and surrounding Territories, never having 
 passed through such experiences as drove Mormons by the 
 wholesale into rebellion and indignant apostacy, and drove 
 those who continued steadfast in their infatuation from 
 their places of settlement and sojourn in Ohio, Missouri 
 and Illinois, are utterly incredulous, even refusing to be- 
 lieve the facts when recited and fully sustained, and thus 
 remain in profound and blissful ignorance of much they 
 ought to know, and which, if known, would undoubtedly 
 influence them to repudiate any institution making it pos- 
 sible to have committed such acts in the name of God and 
 religion. 
 
 Stories and reports of the criminal conduct of Joseph 
 Smith, Brigham Young and their henchmen, did not rise 
 from nothing, but are found to have had their origin in 
 facts, which can be fully established and proven under the 
 rules of historical investigation and criticism, Let me first 
 introduce those of my witnesses who knew Joseph Smith's 
 parents. It must be interesting to the reader to know the 
 tree from which fell this prodigious apple. 
 
 THE PROPHET'S PARENTS. 
 
 The Old Patriarch and B lesser, Joseph Smith, Sr.A 
 Mother of Lies A Pair of Splendid Gypsies The 
 Father of the Prophet Lectures on Money -Digging and 
 Geology. 
 
 Mrs. P. states: "Joseph's father, the first Patriarch 
 (if not President) of the Mormon ' Church/ was very 
 tall ; his crooked nose was very prominent ; he was a real 
 peasant, without any education. Joseph looked very 
 much like him. Old Smith sold the blessings, which he 
 used to pronounce on the heads of the faithful, at $3 
 apiece, and sold a good many of them for years." 
 
A Pair of Splendid Gypsies. 1 7 
 
 Mr. W. states: "I knew old father Smith \yhen he 
 was about eighty years old ; he was a great fanatic, and 
 believed that Joseph was inspired from his boyhood on." 
 
 Mrs. P. states : " Joseph's mother was a little woman ; 
 she looked very vulgar. She was full of low cunning ; 
 no trick was too mean for her to make a little money. 
 You could not believe a word of what she said. She used 
 to talk a great deal about Mormonism. Everybody's 
 opinion of her was, that she was a thorough liar. Her 
 daughter wrote that book about Joseph for her. She and 
 her husband looked like a pair of splendid gypsies. They 
 looked wild and ignorant. Seeing them, nobody could 
 doubt the stories about their money-digging, fortune- 
 telling, etc." 
 
 Now, this is rather hard on the old couple. I know 
 that the excellent lady who gave me these details spoke 
 the absolute truth, but I cannot enjoy it. I rather like 
 old "Mr. Smith" and Mrs. Lucy Smith, nee Mack. Why 
 admire Mr. and Mrs. Micawber and be hard on Mr. and 
 Mrs. Smith? They are splendid people in their way. 
 Lying was as natural to them as drinking water, and they 
 do it in a delightful way; it's prestidigitation with the 
 truth, you see ; artistic skill, acquired by a life's practice. 
 Just read old Lucy's book on Joseph the prophet, for in- 
 stance where she tells that Mrs. Harris wanted to force 
 money on her, and that she refused it scornfully ; read 
 her description of the "breast-plate," which she valued 
 at five hundred dollars, and that other of the " Urim and 
 Thummim," which consisted of "three-cornered dia- 
 monds set in glass." And Joseph wore them always on 
 
 his person It is not vulgar lying, it is the talent 
 
 of Sheherezade, without the bloody Sultan, and without 
 alas ! the dreamy atmosphere of the Orient. 
 
 Old "Mr. Smith" is the Micawber of the family. 
 His imagination is an Ophir of delightful absurdities, 
 hatched in an atmosphere filled with the sound of the 
 urgent but never-heeded claims of his countless creditors. 
 I will give you one example of his, a little lecture on 
 money-digging, with a smack of geological discoveries of 
 his own, showing a real but neglected talent for this 
 
1 8 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 branch of science. Peter Ingersoll, an old acquaintance 
 of his, puts it in this shape:* 
 
 " I was once ploughing near the house of old Joseph Smith. When 
 about noon, he requested me to walk with him a short distance from 
 his house, for the purpose of seeing whether a mineral rod would 
 work in my hand, saying at the same time he was confident it would. 
 When we arrived near the place at which he thought there was 
 money, he cut a small witch-hazel bush and gave me direction how to 
 hold it. He then went oft some rods, and told me to say to the rod, 
 ' Work to the money? which I did in an audible voice. He rebuked 
 me severely for speaking it loud, and said it must be said in a 
 whisper. While the old man was standing off some rods, throwing 
 himself into various shapes, I told him the rod did not work. He 
 seemed much surprised at this, and said he thought he saw it move in 
 my hand. . . . Another time he told me the best time for digging 
 money was in the heat of summer, when the heat of the sun caused 
 the chests of money to rise near the top of the ground. ' You notice,' 
 said he, * the large stones on the top of the ground we call them 
 rocks, and they truly appear so, but they are, in fact, most of them, 
 chests of money raised by the heat of the sun." 
 
 Now, let us compare a little tale of Mother Lucy's 
 with one of Abigail Harris : 
 
 LUCY SMITH. ABIGAIL HARRIS. 
 
 "Joseph Smith the Prophet" page Affidavit dated Palmyra^ Nov. 28, 
 no. 1 833. 
 
 " She ( Mrs. Harris ) com- " Old Lucy Smith took me 
 menced urging upon me a con- into another room, and after clos- 
 siderable sum of money, I think ing the door, said : ' Have you 
 some seventy-five dollars, to assist four or five dollars that you can 
 in getting the plates translated. I lend until our (Gold Bible) busi- 
 told her that I came on no such ness is brought to a close ? The 
 business ; that I did not want her Spirit has said that you shall re- 
 money. . . . Yet she was deter- ceive fourfold.' I asked her what 
 mined to assist in the business, for her particular want of money was, 
 she said she knew that we should to which she replied : ' Joseph 
 want money, and she could spare wants to take the stage and come 
 two hundred dollars as well as home from Pennsylvania to see 
 not." what we are all about.' To which 
 
 I replied, he might look in his 
 stone, and save his time and 
 money. The old lady seemed 
 confused, and left the room." 
 
 * Affidavit dated Palmyra, Dec. 2. 1833. 
 
Astrology and Atheism. 19 
 
 This surely shows talent, or I don't understand any- 
 thing about such things. But let us leave the humble 
 parents, and turn to the great son, irreverently called 1)y 
 the wicked, "Joe Smith." 
 
 VIEWS OF JOSEPH SMITH. 
 
 The Prophet Believes in Astrology Laughs Heartily About 
 Mormonism Does not know what the other World will 
 be Elder .Rockwell's Curiosity. 
 
 There are two things you would naturally expect from 
 a prophet. First, a belief in some sort of a religion, and 
 then a belief in his own particular shop. Now, Joseph 
 Smith didn't believe in any religion, he had no hopes of a 
 future life, and as to Mormonism, he laughed about it just 
 as you would expect from an impostor who had, as he said 
 himself, "fixed the damned fools," and "wanted to carry 
 out the fun." The only thing the Prophet believed in 
 was astrology. This is a fact generally known to old 
 "Nauvoo Mormons." Wm. Clayton, his chief clerk, used 
 to cast figures and make calculations for him. Brigham 
 Young copied Joseph in this as in many other things. 
 
 John C. Bennett says in his book: "I will mention a 
 short conversasion that passed between Joseph and myself, 
 as we were one day riding together up the banks of the 
 Mississippi. After a short interval of silence, Smith sud- 
 denly said to me, in a peculiarly inquiring manner : ' Gen- 
 eral Harris says you have no faith, and that you do not 
 believe we shall ever obtain our inheritances in Jackson 
 County, Missouri. ' Though somewhat perplexed by the 
 Prophet's remark, and still more by his manner, I coldly 
 replied : ' What does Harris know about my belief or the 
 real state of my mind? I like to tease him now and then 
 about it, as he is so firm in the faith and takes it all in 
 such good part.' 'Well, 1 said Joe, laughing heartily, 
 
2o Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 'I guess you have got about as much faith as I have. 
 Ha ! Ha ! Ha ! ' 'I should judge about as much, ' was my 
 reply." (This anecdote, told by Bennett, pp. 175 and 
 176 of his book, was fully confirmed to me by Mrs. Sar- 
 ah Pratt, to whom it was told by Bennett shortly after the 
 dialogue occurred.) 
 
 Mr. Johnson told me in the presence of Lawyer Jonas- 
 son, now deceased, thi following story: " Port Rockwell > 
 who used to be Joseph's coachman and factotum in Nau- 
 voo, once asked the Prophet the following question : 
 1 Brother Joseph, how is it in in the other world ? ' Joseph 
 said in answer: ' Don't you bother, Brother Rockwell, 
 about the other world ; try co be as comfortable as possi- 
 ble in this and make the most of it ; nobody knows what 
 the other world will be." Mr. Johnson was a guard at the 
 Penitentiary, and having heard that Rockwell had made 
 such a statement, he went to him and asked him, whether 
 the Prophet had really expressed himself in such a man- 
 ner. Rockwell confirmed fully what he had told to others, 
 and repeated Joseph's answer word for word." 
 
 JOSEPH SMITH AND HIS PLATES. 
 
 The Prophet's Curious Proposition to His Bosom Friend, 
 Bennett The Same Fully Confirmed by Mrs. Pratt. 
 
 The truth about the golden plates, from which Joseph 
 pretended to " translate " the Book of Mormon, has been 
 established since 1834, by E. D. Howe. I give the sub- 
 stance of the very curious affidavits, obtained by him 
 from Smith's neighbors, in the Appendix to Part I. of this 
 book. There were never any plates of any kind. The 
 book, a stupid historical novel, was written by Solomon 
 Spaulding, stolen and " religiously " remodeled by Sidney 
 Rigdon and published through Joseph Smith, whose wide- 
 spread fame as " Peeper " and " Treasure-finder " enabled 
 him admirably to assume the role of discoverer of golden 
 plates. Sidney Rigdon was a man of taste in the matter 
 
Joseph Wants False Plates. 21 
 
 of choosing the right kind of a rascal to do his dirty 
 jobs. But he failed in one respect ; he thought he found 
 a tool and he really found a master in Peeping Joe. 
 
 Now it will surely be interesting to the reader, that 
 I can not only convict Joseph Smith out of his own 
 mouth, giving his full confession of the original fraud, 
 but I am also able to show that he contemplated an addi- 
 tional fraud- with the "plates," and that, as usual, he 
 thought to make a pile of money out of the second fraud, 
 too. The witness in the case is Joseph's Nauvoo accom- 
 plice, Dr. John C. Bennett. Those who would refuse his 
 testimony, will not be able to contradict that of Mrs. 
 Sarah Pratt. 
 
 Bennett says: *' Shortly after I located in Nauvoo, 
 Joe proposed to me to go to New York and get some 
 plates engraved and bring them to him, so that he could 
 exhibit them as the genuine plates of the Book of Mor- 
 mon, which he pretended had been tak'en from him, and 
 ' hid up ' by an angel, and which he would profess to 
 have recovered. He calculated to make considerable 
 money by this trick, as there would of course be a great 
 anxiety to see the plates, which he intended to exhibit at 
 twenty-five cents a sight. I mentioned this proposition to 
 Mrs. Sarah M. Pratt, on the day the Prophet made it, 
 and requested her to keep it in memory, as it might be 
 of much importance." When asked by me in the spring 
 of 1885 about this statement of John C. Bennett, Mrs. 
 Pratt confirmed it fully and stated also that Bennett had 
 reported to her this conversation with Joseph on the very 
 day when it happened. 
 
 JOSEPH LIKES HIS GLASS. 
 
 The Prophet Gets Drunk Now and Then His Sprees and 
 A dventures ' 1 A wfully Funny. ' ' 
 
 Let Bacchus to Venus libations pour forth and vive la 
 Let the sober historian of Joseph paint him 
 
22 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 as he was. Who could be vindictive or malicious with 
 such an eccentric as Joe ? The prophet with all his vices 
 and wickednesses was yet neither malicious nor vindictive. 
 He had a very strong, healthy stomach, excellent diges- 
 tion. He was almost the very antipode of dyspeptic, 
 reticent Brother Brigham. Joseph dearly loved the social 
 glass. Brigham much preferred a flowing bowl of oat- 
 meal porridge. The great prophet of this dispensation 
 of the fullness of time was a real Bacchant. Perhaps he 
 thought with his long-time bDsom-crony, the famous O. 
 Porter Rockwell, Esq., that he should " lose the spirit and 
 testimony of Mormonism," if not "steamed up." The 
 intelligent reader of this book will not fail to see that the 
 inspiring deities of Joseph were rather Venus, Bacchus 
 "and Pluto, than the pretended Scriptural Trinity of 
 Father, Son and Holy Spirit. 
 
 Mrs. P.: "A good deal of whisky was consumed in 
 Nauvoo. Joe himself was often drunk. I have seen him 
 in this state at different times. One evening one of the 
 brethren brought Joseph to my home. He could not walk 
 and had to be led by a helpful brother. The prophet asked 
 me to make some strong coffee, which I did. He drank 
 five cups, and when he felt that he could walk a little 
 better, he went home. He dared not come before Emma 
 in this state. Joseph was no habitual drunkard, but he 
 used to get on sprees. When drunk he used to be 'awfully 
 funny.' He sometimes went to bed with his boots on." 
 
 Mr. W.: "Whisky, good whisky, was then 25 cents 
 a gallon. No wonder that Joseph sometimes went to bed 
 with his boots on, or that he slept, as he sometimes did, in 
 a ditch. He was a right jolly prophet. No sanctimonious 
 humbug about him." 
 
 Mrs.J.: "Joseph used to preach: 'Brethren and 
 sisters, I got drunk last week and fell in the ditch. I sup- 
 pose you have heard of it. I am awfully sorry, but I felt 
 very good. 7 He used to get drunk on military occasions, 
 after the parades of the Nauvoo Legion." 
 
A Jolly Prophet. 23 
 
 JOSEPH THE WRESTLER. 
 
 Joseph and the Tax Collector Passion for Fine Horses 
 Foot-Races The U. S. A. Major Two Reverends 
 Who do not Want to Wrestle. 
 
 No, there was no holy humbug about Joseph. He 
 made no " long face/' he gave himself as the jolly brigand 
 he was, and that is what made him loved and admired by 
 the motley crowd of impecunious vagabonds and adven- 
 turers that surrounded him. Brigham was, though al- 
 ways obeyed, feared and hated by his "friends; 17 they 
 knew that he would sacrifice anything and anyone to his 
 passion for ( gold ; but Joseph was a good comrade in the 
 midst of brigands of a lower order ; they admired his phys- 
 ical strength and agility and loved his jolly, cordial ways. 
 He had physical courage, he even died game, while Brig- 
 ham was the greatest coward of his time, the greatest 
 among a whole set of cowards like Geo. A. Smith and the 
 rest of them. There was something of Macbeth in that 
 fellow Joseph and he died like Mac. But hear our wit- 
 nesses : 
 
 Mr. K. : "A tax collector once asked a certain amount 
 from Joseph ; he stopped the prophet, who was riding in 
 his carriage. Joseph said that he had paid him and owed 
 him nothing. The collector said : " If you say this, you 
 are a liar." Joseph jumped out of his carriage and struck 
 the collector such a blow that he went flying a distance 
 of three or four yards. Joseph took his seat in the carn- 
 age and drove away." 
 
 Mrs. P. : " Joseph had a passion for fine horses. He 
 had a fine carriage. He used to drive the buggy himself, 
 but the carriage was generally driven by a coachman." 
 
 Mr. K. : "Charlie" was the favorite family horse; 
 Emma used to drwe him. Emma often rode on horseback 
 in company with Joseph, especially on military parades. 
 Joseph was always ready to show his force and cleverness 
 
24 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 in some sport. He liked foot races and would have his 
 boots off in a moment, to the great grief of old bigots. I 
 remember the visit of a U. S. A. major, who came as a 
 guest to the Nauvoo House. The major was of higher 
 build than Joseph, but not so strong as the prophet. Joseph 
 wanted to wrestle with him. He threw off his coat and 
 cried : 'I bet you five dollars that I will throw you, come 
 on !' The major declined. Joseph laughed and said : 
 ' Now you see the benefit of one 's being a projjhet ; I 
 knew you wouldn't wrestle,' One of the Saints felt so 
 scandalized by this joke of the prophet that he left the 
 Church." 
 
 "Two reverends came one day to Nauvoo. They 
 wanted to see the Prophet and to hear the principles he 
 was teaching. Joseph took them to his study, and talked 
 to them about repentance, baptism, remission of sins, etc. 
 The two reverends interrupted Joseph frequently. After 
 half-an-hour or so, getting impatient the Prophet said to 
 the two holy men, while he stood up in his full hight : 
 ' Gentlemen, I am not much of a theologian, but I bet 
 you five dollars, that I will throw you one after the other/ 
 The reverends ran away and Joseph laughed himself nearly 
 to death." 
 
 JOSEPH AS A STUDENT. 
 
 A Poor Writer and Reader Little Tricks Played by 
 Him and the Elders Study of Hebrew KimbaW s 
 Desperate Fight With Grammar. 
 
 When, surely to his own surprise, arrived at the hight 
 of his ambition, Joseph, who was naturally "smart," felt 
 keenly the want of some ornamental learning. s usual 
 he decided to make the world believe that he had what, 
 in fact, he had not. He did in this respect just the same 
 thing which he had done in regard to plates, apparitions 
 of angels, etc. Let the witnesses talk : 
 
The Prophet Photographed. 25 
 
 Mrs. P.: " Joseph was a very poor writer and reader. 
 He readily confessed this ; it was a fulfillment of Scrip- 
 ture." 
 
 Mr. W.: "Joseph was the calf that sucked three 
 cows. He acquired knowledge very rapidly, and learned 
 with special facility all the tricks of the scoundrels who 
 worked in his company. He soon outgrew his teachers. 
 He studied Hebrew, he wanted to be fit for his place and 
 enjoy the profits and power alone. He learned by heart 
 a number of Latin, Greek and French common-place 
 phrases, to use them in his speeches and sermons. For 
 instance : Vox populi^ vox diaboli ; or Laus Dens (sic) or 
 amor vincet omnium (stc), as quoted in the Nauvoo 
 ' Wasp.' Joseph kept a learned Jew in his house for a long 
 time for the purpose of studying Hebrew with him ; 
 the Jew used to teach his language in a room of the 
 -Temple" to Joseph and a number of the elders." It 
 was probably his rapidly augmenting knowledge of the 
 sciences, that made him say, a few months before his 
 death : ' / know more than the whole world. ' "I taught 
 him the first rules of English Grammar in Kirtland in 
 1834. He learned rapidly, while Heber C. Kimball 
 never came to understand the difference between noun 
 and verb." 
 
 JOSEPH'S HABITS, APPEARANCE, ETC. 
 
 The Prophet at Table Uses Tobacco Is Well Dressed 
 The Prophet ' s Jewelry The Prophet on Horseback 
 His Laughter His Conversation. 
 
 Mrs* P.: "Joseph was no gourmand at all. He ate 
 heartily, but was not particular about the kind of food. 
 I believe that he used tobacco in some form. He was 
 always well dressed, generally in black with a white neck- 
 tie. He looked like a Reverend. On the little finger 
 
26 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 of his left hand he wore a heavy gold ring ; he wore a 
 gold watch and chain ; people used to make him presents 
 of such things. When I saw him for the first time he 
 rode on a splendid black horse that had been given to 
 him by some admirer. He was a very good horseman. 
 He was, when walking, very lank and loose in his appear- 
 ance and movements." 
 
 Mr. K.: " People coming to Nauvoo expected to 
 find a kind of John the Baptist, but they found a very 
 jolly prophet. He used to laugh from the crown of his 
 head to the soles of his feet, it shook every bit of flesh 
 in him." 
 
 Mrs P.: " Joseph did not talk much in society, his 
 talk was not very fluent. He used to make a remark now 
 and then, letting the others talk. Whenever he spoke of 
 Church affairs, his talk grew intelligent. He had no 
 great choice of words, and generally expressed his ideas 
 in a very humble, common-place way. At all events, he 
 was by no means interesting in company. It looked as if 
 he wanted to keep those who surrounded him in respect 
 by talking little." 
 
 JOSEPH AS A PREACHER. 
 
 Strong Voice, no Oratorical Art, but much Magnetism 
 Gets very Pale Joseph and Brigham Young Com- 
 pared. 
 
 There was an old Dane in a Mormon settlement. He 
 had half a dozen buxom daughters ; one of them had been 
 sealed to the bishop. Whenever the bishop was absent 
 from his flock, the old Dane used to preach in his stead in 
 the Sunday meeting. Once the bishop was in Salt Lake 
 our old Dane goes on the " stand " with a letfer in his 
 hand. "The Bishop writes from Salt Lake," says he, 
 " that Brother Brigham does not want any round dancing 
 any more. The bishop writes that this command must be 
 
Mahomet and His Army. 27 
 
 obeyed. The bishop is the representative of God and I 
 am his father-in-law. Amen." This may be taken as no 
 unfair example of " preaching ' ' as introduced by the found- 
 er of this motley " creed." Joseph used to say whatever 
 came on his tongue, and so do all who are Joseph's. Jokes 
 and curses, meekness and bravado, temporal and spiritual, 
 the Holy Ghost and stock-raising, irrigation and baptism 
 for the dead all is "preaching." 
 
 Mr. K.: "Joseph's voice was very strong and could 
 easily fill the remotest corner of a big hall." 
 
 Mrs. P.: " Joseph was no orator. He said what he 
 wanted to say in a very blundering sort of way. John 
 Taylor is the best speaker the Church ever had. Joseph 
 had great magnetic influence over his audience, more than 
 Brigham ever had. He had uncommon gifts in this line; 
 he was what spiritualists call a strong medium. His eyes 
 had nothing particular. When excited in speaking, he 
 used to get very pale. The Saints thought that this change 
 of colour came through the influence of the Holy Ghost. 
 Whenever he had been 'tight,' he used to confess it in 
 next Sunday's meeting. In the same way he confessed 
 often that he had been wrong in some act. Brigham never 
 did such a thing. But Joseph lied at the same time, stat- 
 ing that he had done so to try the faith of the Saints. The 
 Lord would have a tried people." 
 
 JOSEPH AS A GENERAL. 
 
 Lots of Generals Colonel Orson Pratt The Modern 
 Mahomet A Terrible General Order "Blood must 
 be Shed" Fine Uniforms A Jolly General. 
 
 Yes, he was even a general at Nauvoo, not. only a "pro- 
 phet, seer and revelator." There were innumerable col- 
 onels in the Nauvoo Legion ; even dreamy Orson Pratt 
 bore that warlike title. But Joseph and his next friends 
 
28 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 were generals, of course. And he looked fine in his mili- 
 tary rig-out, to be sure. 
 
 I quote from a letter in the New York Herald, dated 
 Nauvoo, May 8, 1842: 
 
 "Yesterday was a great day among the Mormons. Their Legion, 
 to the number of two thousand men, was paraded by Generals Smith, 
 Bennett and others, and certainly made a noble and imposing appear- 
 ance. There are no troops in the States like them in point of enthusi- 
 asm and warlike aspect, yea, warlike character Joseph, the chief, 
 
 is a noble-looking fellow, a Mahomet every inch of him." 
 
 It was in perfect keeping with this style, when Hugh 
 McFall, Adjutant General, gave the following "General 
 Order" at "Head-Quarters, Nauvoo Legion," "by order 
 of Lieut. -General Joseph Smith:" 
 
 " The requisition from the Executive of Missouri, on the Execu- 
 tive of Illinois, for the person of the Lieutenant-General for the 
 attempted assassination of ex -Governor Boggs, makes it necessary that 
 the most able and experienced officers should be in the field, for if the 
 demand should be persisted in, BLOOD MUST BE SHED." 
 
 Hear now a living witness : 
 
 Mrs. P.: "There was a great deal of gold on his 
 uniform. Bennett was the man who introduced this grand 
 style, he always wanted everything of the finest ; they both 
 rigged themselves out wonderfully. The Nauvoo Legion 
 looked very well. Bennett understood parading thorough- 
 ly. Bennett did not look well on a horse, but Joseph 
 looked splendid, and so did c General' Hyrum. Not- 
 withstanding all this style, Joseph was very cordial with 
 everybody, shook hands with all the world, and was always 
 addressed 'Brother Joseph.' The people fairly adored 
 him." 
 
No Help for the Widow's Son. 29 
 
 JOSEPH AS A PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE. 
 
 Joseph's Vertigo at Nauvoo The "Times and Seasons" 
 in May and in June, 1844 Danite John D. Lee as 
 Canvasser The Cry of a Mason. 
 
 Joseph got crazy about his greatness in Nauvoo. His 
 general's uniform, the Urim and Thummim, the Plates, 
 the Breastplate, Laban's sword all went to his head at 
 once and made a fool of him. In this state of vertigo he 
 conceived the glorious idea to. be a candidate for the 
 Presidency of the United States. It is a very curious 
 sight, that announcement* in the Times and Seasons : 
 
 FOR PRESIDENT, 
 
 GENERAL JOSEPH SMITH. 
 
 FOR VICE-PRESIDENT, 
 
 SIDNEY RIGDON, ESQ. 
 
 The greatest impostors and swindlers of the time, as 
 bidders for the highest gifts of the Nation ! And, looking 
 over the yellowish leaves of the same Church organ, to 
 see only a few numbers later the sacred columns in mourn- 
 ing, announcing the tragic death of the great candidate ! 
 
 Well, he has paid for his crimes and his follies ! Let 
 us honor death, even in the corpse of an impostor. At 
 that moment, when he cried out of the window of Carth- 
 age jail: "Is there no help for the widow's son?" 
 hoping to find mercy from the hands of some brother 
 Mason, he felt the bitterness of death as keenly as it can 
 be felt. In this terrible moment he must have become 
 
 *And this announcement was a lie. Joseph presents himself " of 
 Illinois," but Sidney Rigdon, who had resided with Joseph all the 
 time in Nauvoo, hails " of Pennsylvania." This was done to satisfy 
 the well-known necessity of naming two different States. " They 
 can't do a thing without lying ! " as an old apostate said to me the 
 other day, with flaming eyes and clenched fist. 
 
30 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 aware that the hour of his own " blood atonement " had 
 come, the hour of payment of his tremendous debt to 
 outraged, swindled, robbed and murdered humanity. 
 
 Joseph sent 337 elders to canvass for him all over the 
 country. John D. Lee was one of them, and though an 
 admirer of the Prophet, he says in his book, pp. 148-149: 
 "I left Nauvoo on the fourth of May, 1844, with greater 
 reluctance than I had on any previous mission. It was 
 hard enough to preach the gospel without purse or scrip, 
 but it was nothing compared to offering a man with the 
 reputation that Joseph Smith had, to the people as a can- 
 didate for the highest gift of the Nation. I would a 
 thousand times rather have been shut up in jail than to 
 have taken the trip, but I dared not refuse." 
 
 Mrs. P.: "The Mormons found it very natural that 
 Joseph Smith wanted to be President of the United States, 
 and Sidney Rigdon Vice-President. They thought the 
 time was sure to come soon when he would be at the head 
 of the Nation. This belief was part of their fanaticism, 
 Joseph and Sidney spoke in public about their candi- 
 dacies, and gave instructions to the elders whom they 
 sent abroad. They said they would soon get the whole 
 United States, and then they would make laws to suit 
 themselves; and the people believed what they said." 
 
 JOSEPH AND NERO BOGGS. 
 
 "The Land of Your Enemies" The House of Israel 
 Claiming the State of Missouri A Noble Deed 
 "Lend Me Your Husband's Rifle" Elder Rockwell's 
 Reward. 
 
 Missouri was to be the Canaan of the Saints. " My 
 servants Sidney and Joseph ' ' had promised it to them a 
 thousand times, just as Don Quixote promised to Sancho 
 Panza the idol of his wishes, the island. Look at the 
 "revelation" of June, 1831, where the Lord speaks to 
 the elders assembled in Kirtland : 
 
The Mormon Troubles Explained. 31 
 
 " And thus, even as I have said, if ye are faithful, ye shall as- 
 semble yourselves together to rejoice upon the land of Missouri, 
 which is now THE LAND OF YOUR ENEMIES." 
 
 And the same Lord, who is evidently a first-class 
 Mormon himself, says to the same elders in February, 
 1831 : 
 
 " For it shall come to pass, that which I spake by the mouth of 
 my prophet, shall be fulfilled ; for I will consecrate the riches of the 
 Gentiles unto my people which are of the House of Israel." 
 
 Now let any person possessed of common sense read 
 these two communications of the Mormon Lord, and he 
 will need no other explanation of the " Mormon war " in 
 Missouri and of the tribulations and turmoils of the 
 Saints in general. Everywhere they go, there is " Zion "; 
 what is not theirs, is their " enemies' " and what is their 
 "enemies'" must become theirs. It did not take the 
 Missourians long to find out the kind intentions of the 
 " House of Israel " towards them, and a civil war with its 
 attending horrors ensued. Boggs, a faithful officer of 
 the metal of our Murray, found out soon that quick 
 amputation was the only method of healing this case of 
 blood poisoning. He gave his celebrated order to drive 
 the Mormons away or, "if it should become necessary 
 for the public peace," to exterminate them. Would not 
 any energetic patriot have acted just the same in such a 
 case ? Look at the evidence given in the trial of Joseph 
 Smith and others, quoted in our Appendix to Part I., 
 and then call Boggs the " Nero of Missouri," as the 
 Mormon leaders did then and do to-day.* 
 
 *Here is an example of a modern Mormon Sunday school teach- 
 ing as to Governor Boggs. This is one instance out of hundreds 
 showing how the minds of the young in Utah get filled with lies and 
 hatred of the American name : 
 
 Q. " Who acted as the chief persecutor of the Saints ? 
 
 A. " The infamous Lilburn W. Boggs, Governor of the State of 
 Missouri. 
 
 Q. " Whom did Governor Boggs unjustly charge with this at- 
 tempt to murder him? " 
 
 A. " Brother O. P. Rockwell, and that Joseph Smith prompted 
 him to do it, or was accessory before the fact." 
 
 (Deseret Sunday School CatechismNo. I. Questions and answers 
 on the life and mission of the Prophet Joseph Smith. 1882.) 
 
32 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 Boggs was the embodiment of the lawful wrath of the 
 Missourians, kindled by the arrogance and the crimes of 
 the band of fanaticized adventurers called "Mormons. 11 
 Boggs was, even in Nauvoo times, Macbeth-Smith's 
 Banquo ; while he lived there was no rest for the King of 
 Nauvoo. He was hated for what he had done and feared 
 for what he could do. While he lived Joseph's extradi- 
 tion at the call of the Missouri authorities was only a 
 question of time. He must die, like Banquo, and then, 
 what a fine effect on the " Mormon people," themselves, 
 was to be expected from a sudden violent death of Nero ! 
 Was there not an admirable opportunity to show that 
 Joseph, having predicted it, was the greatest of all 
 prophets ? The Lord was always on hand to smite his 
 enemies with a timely stroke of lightning, and would not 
 the death of Boggs, the "persecutor," deter other 
 would-be Boggses from interfering with the Lord's chosen 
 people and frighten the enemies of Zion in general ? 
 
 Let us first glance at Bennett's book again. He says : 
 "Joseph Smith in a public congregation in the city of 
 Nauvoo, in 1841, prophesied that Lilburn W. Boggs, 
 Ex-Governor of Missouri, should die by violent hands 
 within a year. Smith was .speaking of the Missouri 
 difficulties at the time, and said that the exterminator 
 should be exterminated, and that the Destroying Angel 
 should do it by the right hand of his power. 'I say it/ 
 said he, ' in the name of the Lord God ! ' In the spring 
 of the year 1842 Smith offered a reward of five hundred 
 dollars to any man who would secretly assassinate Gov. 
 Boggs. I heard the offer made at a meeting of the Dan- 
 ites in the Nauvoo lodge room . . . O. P. Rockwell left 
 Nauvoo from one to two months prior to the attempted 
 assassination of Governor Boggs, and returned the day 
 before the report reached there. The Nauvoo Wasp, of 
 May 28, A. D. 1842, a paper edited by William Smith, 
 one of the twelve Mormon apostles, and brother of the 
 Prophet, declared : "Who did the noble deed remains to 
 
To Fulfill Prophecy. 33 
 
 be found out."* Some weeks after Rockwell left Nauvoo 
 I asked Smith where he had gone. ' Gone ? ' said he ; 
 "gone to fulfill prophecy,' with a significant nod, giving 
 me to understand that he had gone to fulfill his prediction 
 in relation to the violent death of Governor Boggs. Soon 
 after Rockwell's return, Smith said to me, speaking of 
 Governor Boggs : "The destroying angel has done the 
 work, as predicted, but Rockwell was not the man who 
 shot ; the angel did it. ' ' f 
 
 No impartial writer about Mormon history has ever 
 doubted Joseph's connection with this attempted assassin- 
 ation^ but nobody has yet given direct proof. I am 
 able to lay it before the reader, introducing the testi- 
 mony of 
 
 Mrs. Sarah Pratt : "One evening Dr. Bennett called 
 at my house and asked me to lend him my husband's rifle. 
 This was an excellent arm, brought from England by 
 Orson Pratt ; it was known to be the best rifle in that part 
 of the country. I asked him what he wanted the rifle for, 
 and he said : " Don't be so loud ; Rockwell is outside 
 Joseph wants it; I shall tell you later." ... I suspected 
 some foul play, and refused to give him the rifle, stating 
 that I dared not dispose of it in the absence of my hus- 
 band. Bennett went away, and when the news came that 
 Gov. Boggs had been shot at and all but killed, Bennett 
 came and told me that he had wanted the rifle of my hus- 
 
 *This is correct. The author saw the Wasp in the Historian's 
 office at Salt Lake. And, en passant, I observe that President John 
 Taylor in his celebrated discussion in France, in the year 1850, is 
 strangely oblivious of this noble deed, dismissing with a virtuous 
 flourish the charge as a weak invention of the enemy; in effect 
 denying (as he also at the same time and place denied polygamy, 
 etc.,) that Boggs' life had ever been sought by Mormon thugs : 
 " Governor Boggs is residing at the present time in the State of 
 California." 
 
 fBennett, pp. 281-2. 
 
 | May 6th 1842, Boggs was shot at Independence, Mo., while 
 reading a newspaper. The pistol was loaded with buckshot and 
 three balls took effect in his head, one penetrating his brain. His 
 life was despaired of for several days, but he recovered. See Wasp 
 of May 28. 
 
34 Mormon Portraits. 7. Joseph Smith. 
 
 band for "that job," and that Joseph had sent him to 
 get it. I have not the slightest doubt that Joseph had 
 planned and ordered the assassination of Gov. Boggs." 
 
 So far Mrs. Pratt, whose testimony, as all decent 
 people in Salt Lake City well know, is absolutely reliable. 
 It shows that our aspiring friend, Bennett, was an accom- 
 plice in the murderous plot, as he was in the other rascally 
 schemes of his friend, the prophet; he was, indeed, in 
 this college of crime, more teacher than disciple ; and, 
 not unlikely, the first suggestion of murdering Boggs 
 came from Bennett himself. But, as to his own guilt, his 
 book is like that of John D. Lee, telling any amount of 
 truth concerning others, while lying about and screening 
 himself. 
 
 Rockwell, it seems, got a good reward from the 
 prophet for his zeal in fulfilling prophecy; Joseph was 
 much more liberal in this respect than Brigham, who 
 wanted his assassins to work for the Lord at their own 
 expense, to murder " without purse or scrip." 
 
 John C. Bennett: "I would further say that Rock- 
 well was abjectly poor before he left Nauvoo, but since 
 his return he has an elegant carriage and horses at his 
 disposal, and his pockets filled with gold. These horses 
 and carriage belonged to Smith, and the gold was fur- 
 nished by him." 
 
 C. G. Webb: "I saw the fine carriage, horses and 
 harness which Rockwell got from Joseph after the attempt 
 on the life of Gov. Boggs." 
 
Some of My Witnesses. 35 
 
 THE LORD'S BANKERS IN KIRTLAND. 
 
 My Friend Webb, the aged Father of Wife Number Nine- 
 teen Interviews with Webb, James McGuffie and his 
 Wife -Joseph as Land Speculator, Banker and Auc- 
 tioneer of Town- lots Those Window-glass Boxes and 
 fine Bank Notes. 
 
 Do you remember, my excellent friend Webb, that 
 balmy Sunday afternoon, in April, 1885, when you told 
 me about that famous bank whose President and Cashier 
 were the two chosen servants of the Lord, Sidney Rigdon 
 and Joseph Smith ? It was one of our many interviews in 
 that cosy house of stalwart, sterling old James McGuffie 
 and his good, honest soul of a wife. We sat, as usually, 
 in the kitchen, not far from McGuffie's pride, that stove 
 with "Zion " in shining nickel-letters on it. I put ques- 
 tion after question, with note-book and pencil in hand, 
 and you and James McGuffie were busy answering. I have 
 studied a great many old paintings in many cities of the 
 old world, in Rome, Florence and Venice, in Vienna, Ber- 
 lin and Paris, in Amsterdam, Brussels and London. But, 
 I assure you, I have never seen better heads in any picture 
 than yours and McGuffie and wife's ; I never saw more 
 sound sense, solidity and crystallized honesty in old heads, 
 and good, well-meaning eyes besides, shining with all that 
 makes eyes dearest to us love of truth and interest in 
 humanity's progress and welfare. I wish those over-culti- 
 vated people in the East could have some interviews with 
 you three " vile apostates." They would soon see what 
 Mormonism really is, and not talk any more nonsense 
 about it. But I want to dish before the reader what ,you 
 said about that famous bank, friend Webb. So let me 
 introduce you in your own words, dear old Liveoak : 
 
 " I personally lost $2, 500 in that famous bank, of which 
 Sidney Rigdon was President and Joseph Smith Cashier. 
 I got for my money the blessing of the Lord, and the 
 
36 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 assurance that bye and bye the notes of that bank would 
 be the best money in the country ! The bank was founded 
 in 1836. Its origin dates from Joseph's idea to secure to 
 all the Saints 'inheritances,' which they should possess in 
 this life and in the other. Consequently, many elders 
 were sent east with the instruction to get as much money 
 as possible. The elders returned with money, and Smith 
 now bought a tract of land called the ' Smith farm. ' 
 The temple was built and the city lots surveyed. But 
 instead of receiving their 'inheritances,' the Saints had to 
 buy them, and at good round prices, too. Joseph played 
 auctioneer, and a very good auctioneer he was. The 
 Saints were full of enthusiasm and lots went up from a 
 hundred dollars to three and four thousand. This trans- 
 action brought some money into Joseph's capacious pockets 
 and he now began to think of starting a bank in Kirtland. 
 It was to be secured by real estate ; but this was never 
 done. They went to New York and had notes engraved, 
 beautiful notes, the finest I had ever seen. In the bank 
 they kept eight or nine window-glass boxes, which seemed 
 to be full of silver ; but the initiated knew very well that 
 they were full of sand, only the top being covered with Ac- 
 cent pieces. The effect of those boxes was like magic ; 
 they created general confidence in the solidity of the bank, 
 and that beautiful paper money went like hot cakes. For 
 about a month it was the best money in the country. But 
 the crash came soon, as everybody knows." 
 
 Yes, the crash came and the two bankers of the Lord 
 had to leave Kirtland "between two days." But not be- 
 cause of their bank-swindle; the above-quoted "Sunday- 
 School Catechism No. i" tells us that they left "to escape 
 mob-violence." The swindled mob behaved shamefully 
 indeed towards the man who had been appointed " Com- 
 mander-in-chief of the Armies of Israel," and to whom 
 Moses, "'the great law-giver to ancient Israel," had given 
 personally "the keys of the gathering of Israel." All 
 that is in this useful little Catechism of 1882. 
 
They Stole too Much. 37 
 
 COUNTERFEITING APOSTLES. 
 
 Brigham Young' s Official Money a Counterfeit A Jewel 
 of a Confession, Contributed by Brigham' s Brother 
 Nine Apostles as Criminals Brigand William Smith. 
 
 I am glad to be able to give some positive and partly 
 very picturesque proof for this department of Mormon 
 elders' iniquity. Should you come to Utah, reader, 
 some old Mormon or apostate will show you the gold 
 coins of Zion, coined by Brigham Young. Even this 
 official money of the Kingdom, now out of course, is 
 counterfeit; it bears on its face "Five Dollars.'' and is 
 in reality only worth about $4.30. For proof of my 
 assertions as to the earlier times of the "Church," the 
 times in Missouri and Illinois, I rely principally on the 
 confession of that daisy, Phineas Young, brother of 
 Brigham, which, in my opinion, is worth fifty volumes on 
 Mormon history. I give it in the very words of my 
 informant, who is one of the most cultivated and reliable 
 men of Salt Lake City: 
 
 "Phineas Young, a near relative of mine, said to me 
 in 1875: 'We have been driven (from Missouri and 
 Illinois) because our people stole too much. They stole 
 horses, cattle and beehives, robbed smokehouses, and any- 
 thing you may imagine, and then scores of us passed coun- 
 terfeit money on the Gentiles. ' ' 
 
 Gov. Thomas Ford: " During the winter of 1845-6 
 the Mormons made the most prodigious preparations for 
 removal (from Nauvoo). The twelve apostles went first, 
 with about two thousand of their followers. Indictments 
 had been found against nine of them in the Circuit Court of 
 the United States, for the District of Illinois, at its Decem- 
 ber term, 1845, f or counterfeiting the current coin of the 
 United States"* 
 
 In the beginning of May, 1885, while stopping at the 
 Metropolitan Hotel, in Salt Lake City, I met a lady of 
 
 *History of Illinois, pp. 412-413. 
 
38 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 the name of Mrs. E , who had lived in Nauvoo as a 
 
 child. She told me the following story:. " My parents 
 lived for a time at what was called ' Joseph Smith's 
 Tavern,' in Plymouth, thirty-three miles from Nauvoo, 
 and fifteen miles from Carthage. We children played 
 hide and seek, one day, as we often did. We came, by 
 chance, to an upper room, which Apostle Bill Smith, 
 Joseph's brother, used as a bedroom when he was at the 
 ' tavern.' While running about and trying to hide, we 
 suddenly came upon a long, heavy sack, which we opened 
 and found full of coined money silver and gold. At 
 least, it looked so. We were very happy to become so 
 rich. We little girls put lots of money in our small 
 aprons, called together the children of the neighbors, and 
 gave them some of the money. Our parents were not at 
 home, but when they came we ran up to them : ' Oh, pa ! 
 oh, ma ! we have a whole bread-pan full of money for you ! ' 
 Father gave us a severe rebuke, and ordered us to get 
 all the money together, and to get back from our little 
 friends all that we had given to them. We obeyed, with 
 our eyes swimming in tears, and laid all the money before 
 our father, who put it back in the sack and buried the 
 sack: He said he would wait till Bill Smith and his com- 
 rades would ask him for the money. A few days after, 
 Apostle Bill came to the 'tavern,' and with him came 
 Zinc Salisbury and Luke Clayborn, both brothers-in-law of 
 Bill. They searched for the money, and, not finding it, 
 invited my father to go coon-hunting with them. My 
 father divined that they wanted to punish him for the 
 disappearance of the money, so he said to them : ' Why 
 don't you tell me, honestly, that you wanted your 
 money?' And so saying he showed them where he had 
 buried the treasure. They took it, and threatened my 
 father that they would kill him if he talked to anybody 
 about it. There was great excitement in the country 
 about this bogus money, and it finally became so intense 
 that the authorities had to interfere. The officers found 
 the machinery, with which the money was made, in 
 Plymouth. Whenever Joseph Smith owed money he 
 paid with this kind of coin." 
 
Thus Saith the Lord. 39 
 
 JOSEPH IN MONEY MATTERS. 
 
 The Lazy Prophet and His Secretary A Hotel for the 
 New Abraham and His Posterity The Prophet Robs 
 and Defrauds Poor and Rich Alike. 
 
 Lying and laziness there is an alliteration for you 
 were the two great characteristics of Joseph in early 
 youth. There are extenuating circumstances in the case, 
 however: he inherited both qualities from the "splendid 
 gypsies," his parents, so that telling the truth and work- 
 ing hard would really and literally have been against his 
 nature. His innate hatred of all serious work made him 
 a money-digger and a fortune-teller, and finally a prophet. 
 As such he had in his employ a factotum and secretary, 
 who wrote down all that Joseph needed for the execution 
 of his plans, which always tended to his power, profit or 
 lust. This secretary, or chum of his, he used to call the 
 " Lord," and what he had dictated to him, " revelations." 
 Brigand Joseph and his next friends knew this funny 
 circumstance perfectly well, but thousands of dupes 
 swallowed the celebrated formula " Thus saith the Lord'' 1 
 notwithstanding. 
 
 Let us hear some of those funny " revelations," dic- 
 tated by Joseph to his " Lord " and then published in 
 the latter 's name :" 
 
 "If thou lovest me thou shalt keep my commandments and thou 
 shall consecrate all of thy properties unto me, with a covenant and 
 deed which cannot be broken." 
 
 " Deed " shows the smart Yankee in dictating Joseph, 
 He is not content with a religious " covenant," he wants 
 a good, solid, ironclad deed. I proceed to quote from the 
 official church books : 
 
 " Who receiveth you receiveth me and the same will feed you and 
 clothe you and give you money and he who does not these things is 
 not my disciple." 
 
40 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 That secretary of the prophet is a thoroughly good 
 fellow, it seems. But he can do better : 
 
 " And let all the moneys which can be spared, it matterelh not 
 unto me whether it be little or much ('!), be sent up unto the land ef 
 Zion, unto those I have appointed to receive it." 
 
 Now, getting all the spare money people have is surely 
 very nice, but Joseph had to show to the people still more 
 clearly what he could do with his above mentioned 
 "pard." So he made him write : 
 
 " It is meet that my servant Joseph should have a house built in 
 which to live and translate. And, again, it is meet that my servant 
 Sidney Rigdon should live as seemeth him good, inasmuch as he 
 keepeth my commandments. Provide for him (Joseph) food and 
 raiment, and whatsoever he needeth and in temporal labor thou 
 (Joseph! shalt have no strength, for this is not thy calling." 
 
 This is one of those great contradictions in nature to 
 puzzle even a Darwin. Joseph, the wrestler, 6 feet high, 
 and weighing 212 pounds, is too feeble to work. But 
 the chum can do better. Joseph has a house and whatso- 
 ever he needeth, but he wants the comfort of a hotel, you 
 see, with bar and all other appurtenances. Such a con- 
 cern is just the thing for the necessities of a daily 
 increasing polygamous or celestial household. So the 
 chum sits down and writes : 
 
 "And now, I say unto you, as pertaining to my boarding house, 
 which I commanded you to build for the boarding of strangers, let it 
 be built unto my name and let my name be named upon it, and let my 
 servant Joseph and his house have places therein from generation to 
 generation. For this anointing have I put upon his head that this 
 blessing shall also be put upon the heads of his prosterity after him, 
 and as I said unto Abraham even so I say unto my servant Joseph, in 
 thee and in thy seed shall the kindreds of the earth be blessed. There- 
 fore, let my servant Joseph and his seed after him have place in that 
 house from generation to generation forever and ever, saith the Lord, 
 and let the name of that house be called the "Nauvoo House." 
 (January, 1841.) 
 
 Now this is perfectly delightsome. It is religion, you 
 know. Don't you see the smart Yankee-eyes through the 
 /<?^-holes of the prophetic mask, and don't you hear him 
 laugh behind that mask at the d d fools he has got fixed? 
 Let us give Joseph his due. The Prophet declared he was 
 going to carry out the fun, and he did carry it out to the 
 bitter end. 
 
The Plundering Prophet. 41 
 
 But I have to hasten to my notes and introduce my 
 witnesses after this reproduction of old, well-known * 'reve- 
 lations," without which, however, no biography of the 
 imposter would be complete. Let us hear first 
 
 Mrs. P.: "Whenever a man of means came into the 
 Church Joseph was sure to get a revelation that the money 
 of the new comer must be "consecrated." He had no 
 rest till he got hold of it. Examples are, Hunter, Shurt- 
 liff, Bosley and others. Joseph had not so much oppor- 
 tunity to make money, as Brigham, but both acted just 
 alike. Joseph had great talents in the art of making him- 
 self agreeable to those whom he wanted to plunder. He 
 borrowed money wherever he could and never returned a 
 cent of it. If you wanted your money back he laughed in 
 your face. He grew rapidly worse under the influence of 
 John C. Bennett in this and every other respect. To rob 
 people was called "consecrate to the Lord." 
 
 Mrs. Sw. : "Two good, honest people, Mr. and 
 Mrs. Farrar, came to Nauvoo from England. They had 
 been in the service of Sir Robert Peel and had amassed 
 a little competence, about eight hundred pounds of Eng- 
 lish money, each. Joseph got the money from them. He 
 told them that he would build up the kingdom with it, 
 and, said he, emphatically : ' I shall die for you, if nec- 
 essary ! ' When Joseph was shot, Mr. Farrar became 
 crazy ; Mrs. Farrar died long afterwards, a pauper in Salt 
 Lake." 
 
 Mr. W. : "Joseph was in money matters just like 
 Brigham and Taylor. Whoever had money had to 
 consecrate it to the Lord. When people were stripped 
 of every dollar they had, they got sometimes a little 
 pittance from the tithing office ; that was all. I am 
 convinced that Joseph never entertained the least idea of 
 returning any money he had borrowed. He became rich 
 through the sale of town lots." 
 
 Mrs. P.: "When people asked for their money, 
 Joseph sometimes made dreadful scenes. How could, 
 they dare to ask for money from the Lord's priesthood, 
 which has the right to use everybody's money for the 
 upbuilding of the kingdom ! In this regard, indeed, 
 
42 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 Joseph's mantle fell on the shoulders of Brigham Young." 
 Mr. S. : " Whenever Joseph sold a lot to somebody, 
 he gave a church deed. Soon afterward the buyer got 
 "counsel" to join the order of Enoch, and in this way 
 Joseph got the lot back and kept the money. He sold as 
 Mayor and took back as Enoch. For either emergency he 
 had another name." 
 
 Mr. K. : " Money was like sand in Joseph's hands ; it 
 ran through his fingers. Bishop Hunter gave Joseph 
 eleven thousand dollars in gold." [In Kirtland money 
 was sand, as we have seen.] 
 
 Mr. R. : " Solomon Wixoin was a poor but hard- 
 working farmer in Nauvoo. Out of his scant earnings he 
 managed to save about one hundred and twenty dollars, 
 and laid it by in the Fall to buy a yoke of cattle in the 
 Spring, to enable him to work a piece of land. Joseph 
 Smith got wind of the little treasure by a ' revelation ' 
 an unsuspecting brother, to whom Wixom told his 
 plans, chanced to speak of it in the presence of a con- 
 fidant of Joseph. The prophet went to see Wixom, and 
 after a few commonplace remarks which rather flattered 
 the latter, said : ' Brother W., I am hard up for some 
 money, I need it badly ; do you know of anyone that 
 could lend me a little?' ' Well, Brother Joseph, really 
 I don't know. I have a little laid by, but I cannot spare 
 it, for I want it to buy a yoke of cattle in the Spring.' 
 'Oh,' was Joseph's reply, "let me have it, Brother 
 Wixom, and I can easily pay it back before you want it, 
 and God will bless you.' 'Well, well, if you can, 
 Brother Joseph, I'll lend it you.' He went and put the 
 amount in Joseph's hand. When the prophet counted 
 the money, he turned to Wixom and said: 'It's all right, 
 I need not give you a note, Brother Sol., I suppose.' 
 * Oh no, no, Brother Joseph, your word is good enough 
 to me for that.' Spring came, and advancing toward the 
 middle, but Joe never advanced toward Wixom, The 
 poor man becoming uneasy went to his prophet-debtor : 
 ' The Spring is come, Brother Joseph, and I come to ask 
 you to be kind enough to give me that money I lent you.' 
 ' Money, what money, Brother Sol.?' 'Why, don't you 
 
The Prophet Robs the Poor. 43 
 
 recollect the money I lent you last Fall which you prom- 
 ised to pay me in the Spring to buy my oxen ? ' After a 
 moment's pause, apparently to jog his memory, the 
 prophet replied: ; No, Brother Sol., I never got any 
 money from you that I know of. Have you got a note?' 
 ' No, I haven't ; you said there would be no need to give 
 a note, for you would be sure and pay it, as it obliged 
 you so much.' 'I don't remember any such transaction, 
 and will not pay it,' said the man of God. The poor 
 man never received his money, and when asked what he 
 thought of the dishonest trick, he said that Joseph must 
 have done it to try his faith." 
 
 This incident comes from a near relative of Wixom 
 who is now a faithful polygamous Saint in Utah. 
 
 The following is a most characteristic story : Among 
 the proselytes who came to Kirtland to enjoy the blessings 
 of the new gospel, was a good honest spinster by the name 
 of Vienna J , who herself related the occurrence. She 
 came from away down East, where she had accumulated 
 by hard work, dime by dime, some fourteen or fifteen 
 hundred dollars. Joseph hearing of it immediately got a 
 revelation concerning this money. He told Vienna, that 
 the Lord wanted her to return East, gather up her sub- 
 stance and bring it on to Kirtland. Vienna obeyed and 
 brought the money. When she arrived, Joseph was away 
 from Kirtland. Some of the Elders, who were in the 
 secret, itched to get hold of the money ; one of them suc- 
 ceeded in getting a loan of fifty dollars from Vienna, one 
 of those loans that are like Shakespeare's immortal traveler 
 that never returns. Vienna followed the prophet to the 
 place where he had gone. She had made up her mind, 
 good soul, to give the prophet a big present in money a 
 hundred dollars ! She thought that was much, and, con- 
 sidering her circumstances and the way she had saved her 
 dimes, it was much, sure enough. Well, she finds Joseph, 
 and full of pious zeal, eager to surprise the prophet of the 
 Lord, she hastens to lay before him the hundred dollars, 
 well counted. But Joseph's countenance darkened and 
 fell ; he assumed a searching, severe look and cried : 
 "Where is the rest of it ? What have you done with the 
 
44 Mormon Portraits. I. Joseph Smith. 
 
 money, sister ?" The poor thing " shelled out" very soon ; 
 her whole earnings and savings went to Joe. Being asked 
 what was done with it? " Oh," said she, "Joseph bought 
 a gold watch, and Hyrum got a gold watch, and so did 
 some others." Asked further: "And this did not shake 
 your faith in the prophet?" " Oh no," said the good soul. 
 "The Lord said I should have an inheritance in Zion. 
 But I was to be industrious. You can see the revela- 
 lation in the Doctrine and Covenants. I saw it in manu- 
 script beiore it was printed, only they changed it a little in 
 the print. In the revelation it first read her money, they 
 made it say the money. But it was all right. Well, I 
 never was lazy in my life, but I suppose the Lord saw I 
 might get lazy." Well, that poor, old creature died 
 " fixed " in the faith, over ninety years old, and the story 
 shows what hold such a "religion" can have on simple, 
 confiding, devout souls.* 
 
 SECRET MURDERS IN XAUVOO. 
 
 Fine Nauvoo Tales by Brother Lee Thrown in the Lime 
 Kiln, Body, Clothes and All The Drowning of the 
 Good Old Woman, Described by R. Rushton Some 
 Graceful Lies by John Taylor. 
 
 They are "secret" no more since Lee's book, and 
 they will be less so after this little book of mine shall have 
 seen the'light. Murder is the most natural thing in the 
 world with despotism; look for instance at Venice, Spain, 
 etc. It is no wonder, therefore, that the Mormon form of 
 theocracy, the most searching, brutal and absolute form of 
 all tyrannies ever known in history, should resort to mur- 
 der for the purpose of protecting itself from enemies 
 Boggs, for example and screening its criminal and trea- 
 sonable secrets, which form such an important part of 
 
 * Told to the author by a witness, who heard it more than once 
 recited by the old aunt, now in heaven. 
 
Danite Lee Talks Plain. 45 
 
 this "religion." We are, therefore, not surprised in the 
 least to find, that from the infancy of this " Church" up 
 to our days, murder has always been the preferred instru- 
 ment for fighting the enemies of the "Kingdom." Only 
 a few weeks ago U. S. Attorney Dickson was attacked by 
 a number of Mormon hoodlums, bearing the name of Can- 
 non, a name synonymous with the most impudent kind of 
 lying and misrepresentation. And why was Dickson at- 
 tacked ? Because he is the most able, energetic and in- 
 corruptible of all public accusers Utah ever had. Deputy 
 Marshal Collin escaped barely with his life, a few months 
 ago, while attacked by three or four " Danites " in a dark 
 alley. The reason? He is a faithful officer. 
 
 Let me first introduce the testimony of John D. Lee, 
 who, while in Nauvoo, (like Abraham O. Smoot and 
 Hosea Stout), was only a modest Danite and policeman, 
 but later became the most celebrated of assassins in the 
 service of Brigham Young, outshining even stars like 
 Porter Rockwell and Bill Hickman. What he says can- 
 not but be true ; there is too much proof for it. 
 
 ' ' I knew of many men being killed in Nauvoo by the 
 Danites. It was then the rule that all the enemies of 
 Joseph Smith should be killed, and I know of many a man 
 who was quietly put out of the way by the orders of Joseph 
 and his apostles while the church was there. It has always 
 been a well-understood doctrine of the church that it was 
 right and praiseworthy to kill every person who spoke 
 evil of the prophet. This doctrine has been strictly lived 
 up to in Utah, until the Gentiles arrived in such great 
 numbers that it became unsafe to follow the practice ; but 
 the doctrine is still believed, and no year passes without 
 one or more of those who have spoken evil of Brigham 
 Young being killed in a secret manner. In Springville it 
 was certain death to say a word against the authorities, 
 high or low. In Utah it has been the custom with the 
 priesthood to make eunuchs of such men as were obnoxious 
 to the leaders. This was done for a double purpose ; first, 
 it gave a perfect revenge, and next, it left the poor victim 
 a living example to others of the dangers of disobeying 
 counsel, and not living as ordered by the priesthood. In 
 
46 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 Nauvoo it was the orders from Joseph Smith and his 
 apostles to beat, wound and castrate all Gentiles that the 
 police could take in the act of entering or leaving a Mor- 
 mon household under circumstances that led to the belief 
 that they had been there for immoral purposes. / knew 
 of several such outrages while there." 
 
 The official murderers in the service of the Mormon 
 priesthood were always called " City Police," and are so 
 called to-day. 
 
 Lee, one of the high priests who officiated at the great 
 religious sacrifice, called "Mountain Meadows Massacre" 
 by wicked Gentiles and apostates, says (Confession, p. 
 287): "Soon after I got to Nauvoo I was appointed 
 seventh policeman. I had superiors in office, and was 
 sworn to secrecy and to obey the orders of my superiors, 
 and not let my left hand know what my right hand did. 
 It was my duty to do as I was ordered, and not to ask 
 questions. I was instructed in the secrets of the priest- 
 hood to a great extent, and taught to believe, as I then 
 did believe, that it was my duty, and the duty of all men, 
 to obey the leaders of the church, and that no man could 
 commit sin so long as he acted in the way that he was 
 directed by his church superiors. I was one of the life- 
 guard of the prophet Joseph." 
 
 I now introduce living witnesses. 
 
 Mrs. Pa.: "It was not rare for people who owned 
 fine pieces of property in Nauvoo to disappear all of a 
 sudden. An English family sold all the property they 
 had in England, and then went to "Zion." The hus- 
 band and father arrived first in Nauvoo, and soon wrote 
 home to England that he owned a fine house and garden. 
 The wife came later, but could not find her husband or 
 his property. He had simply disappeared. She was told 
 that he had died suddenly, but they could not show his 
 grave. The woman had sold her property in England 
 after her husband had left, but she was smart enough not 
 to say a word about it in Nauvoo, that she had the money 
 in her pockets. She told the prophet that she had tried 
 to sell her property, but had not succeeded, and that she 
 left it in trust. She managed to get out of Nauvoo. ' ' 
 
Dead Men Tell No Tales. 47 
 
 Mrs. J. : "While I was in Nauvoo, the following 
 was very common talk there : l What is it ? ' i Oh, noth- 
 ing, only a dead man has been picked up.' I had been 
 very strong in the faith, but such things opened my eyes." 
 
 A man by the name of Thompson is authority for the 
 following statement. He was for years an employee of 
 the Tithing office in Salt Lake; he had been a long time 
 in Nauvoo and apostatized in 1860. He told one of my 
 chief witnesses, who thinks him a perfectly reliable man, 
 the following: "All those that were inimical to the 
 Kingdom of God in Nauvoo, were put away. I knew a 
 man who was looked upon as an enemy to the church. 
 They threw him, body, clothes and all, in the lime kiln and 
 burned him up. But I believed' then [ just like John D. 
 Lee] that it was all right ; it had been commanded by 
 Joseph the Prophet and was done for the safety of the 
 Kingdom." 
 
 " Dead 7nen tell no tales" was a favorite word of 
 Joseph Smith, and Brigham Young adopted and used it 
 very frequently. One might say that it was the motto of 
 the two prophets as to the treatment of their enemies. 
 But sometimes the motto was changed a little and then it 
 had to read: "Dead women tell no tales." This is 
 proved by a terrible tale related by old Richard Rushton, 
 the faithful steward of the "Nauvoo Mansion," where 
 Joseph lived as hotel-keeper. 
 
 "Old Sister , well-known in early times in 
 
 Nauvoo was a good, generous woman, a faithful Saint, 
 and tried to be worthy the name by being kind and truth- 
 ful. Having some means she could spare, she helped the 
 : prophet' and gave amply to the ' church.' She attended 
 to the sick and there were many there alleviating their 
 distresses and speaking words of cheer to the disconsolate. 
 She was respected by many as a ' mother in Israel.' But 
 she was outspoken, and seeing so much that appeared to 
 her corrupt, she would sometimes ' blab ' about the breth- 
 ren's doings. Her reproofs showed that she knew too 
 much, and she might become dangerous to them. Though 
 she knew but little, comparatively, of what was going on, 
 the priesthood became alarmed, and as it was easier to get 
 
48 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 rid of an old woman that to reform their lives, it was consid- 
 ered necessary to ' attend to her case. ' A council was 
 held in Joseph's room, at which were Joseph Smith, O. P. 
 Rockwell and a few others. After Rockwell had accused 
 her, the subject was broached of drowning her, the coun- 
 cil concluding that for the safety of some of the brethren, 
 and especially Joseph, although she was a i purty good 
 'oman,' she must be silenced at all hazards. The plan 
 devised then and there, was that, as she was 'kind o' kind 
 to the church/ the church would make her a present of a 
 piece of land and a house on it which they owned ' over 
 the river.' The next night they would take her ' over the 
 river' and land her safely ' on the other side.' All pres- 
 ent consented, and the evening being dark and propitious 
 to carry out the plan, a few of those consenting met at the 
 boat at the river-side to execute 'the will of the Lord 
 concerning her." 
 
 " It was a dark night. Darkness on the city and on the 
 great stream, rolling peacefully but a few rods distant. 
 Profound silence in the low part of the city. But hark ! 
 a wild shriek is heard by a trembling listener in the little 
 orifice of the ' Mansion,' coming as from a throat gurg- 
 ling with water ; it was only a moment, and again 
 silence ; but hark ! another shriek from the same quarter, 
 from the same voice, a piercing shriek as from some one 
 struggling for dear life ; and again silence. Then a final 
 shriek, much fainter, telling the breathless listener that 
 the end had come. All is now hushed as death. The 
 cry is heard no more, the old soul is silenced now, the 
 baptism is complete without the usual religious formula, 
 and the lifeless body floats in the broad arms of the 
 Father of the Waters, no more to vex the souls of these 
 pitiless conspirators, until the great day of account, when 
 6 the sea shall give up its dead.' ' 
 
 ' ' In less than five minutes after the ceasing of the 
 screams from the drowning victim, the prophet, O. P. 
 Rockwell and two others rushed wildly into the hotel. 
 The prophet was dripping wet. He was loudly expostu- 
 lating with ' Port ' and the others : * You should not have 
 drowned her; she couldn't have done us much harm.' 
 
Joseph Walks on the Water. 49 
 
 * We had to do it,' was the response, 'for your safety and 
 our own, as well as for the good of the church. She can't 
 harm us now.' ' I am very sorry;' said the prophet, ' if I 
 had thought of it a few minutes sooner, you wouldn't have 
 drowned Sister - .'It appears that although the 
 prophet consented the night previous to her murder, under 
 the impulse of the misrepresentation and fears of her ac- 
 cusers, he relented on reflection and expected to appear 
 with the murderers at the river's edge in time to prevent 
 them from putting their purpose into effect. He was too 
 late, and in his effort to save her then he was wet through 
 and through, being baffled by the combined strength of 
 his followers. The prophet was impulsive and fitful, and 
 in his better moments, no doubt, thought the poor old 
 soul should not be ' blood-atoned,' and really tried to 
 save her. But what a state of society, that made it pos- 
 sible to drown an innocent, defenceless, confiding old 
 woman ! ' ' (Richard Rushton heard the shrieks of the victim 
 while sitting in the office of the " Mansion.") 
 
 There must have been strong rumors current about 
 the secret crimes committed in Nauvoo at that time, 
 since the church organ called Times and Seasons, while 
 advocating Joseph Smith's election as President of the 
 United States, found it necessary to issue the following 
 characteristic denial to those floating rumors : 
 
 " Gentlemen, we are not going either to murder ex-Governor 
 Boggs, nor a * Mormon in this State ' for not giving us his money;' nor 
 are we going to ' walk on the water,' * nor ' drown a woman,' nor de- 
 fraud the poor of their property,' nor ' marry spiritual wives,' etc. 
 
 Now I assert that the Mormon leaders did commit the 
 crimes and abominations charged to them by public rumor 
 in 1844 and denied impudently in the church organ. I 
 have proved the attempted assassination of Governor 
 
 *I am informed that Mr. Deming, of Painesville, Ohio, is prepared 
 to prove in his book that old story of Joseph's having " walked on the 
 water" in Kirtland to imitate one of the best known miracles of the 
 Savior. There were, it seems, planks put some inches below the sur- 
 face of the water, and Smith walked (in perfect security) over the 
 deep & But a wag having contrived to remove one of the planks, the 
 modern miracle-worker took a dip that nearly cost him his interesting 
 life. 
 
50 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 Boggs and the drowning of the old woman; the truth of 
 the remaining charges admits of no doubt in the light of 
 proofs furnished on all sides for similar and worse offenses. 
 Was not polygamy confessed officially in 1852, after having 
 been denied most solemnly by the church organ and leaders 
 up to that time, and by John Taylor in a public discussion 
 in 1850, in Boulogne, France? "We are not going to 
 marry spiritual wives." How does this read, I ask thee, 
 O righteously indignant Mormon doubter, in the glaring 
 light of historic truth emblazoning polygamy since the 
 time that Lieutenant General Joseph Smith was posing as 
 presidential candidate? 
 
 STEALING IN NAUVOO. 
 
 Ridiculous " Gentile" Notions John Taylor very Sol- 
 emn Abel, the Colored Priest Stealing Cattle and 
 Healing the Sick. 
 
 To understand this chapter fully, you have to get rid 
 of your Gentile notions and prejudices first, gentle 
 reader. To kill a fellow in some canyon, because he is 
 an apostate, is not murder in Mormonism, but saving the 
 poor fellow's soul. Taking from the Gentiles is not 
 stealing, but consecrating to the Lord what right- 
 fully belongs to him. This is a " higher law," too. For 
 is not "the earth the Lord's and the fullness thereof, 
 and the cattle on a thousand hills?" Now just stick to 
 this, reader, and don't forget that it is more than an 
 official test of Mormon faith ; it is a part of the life blood 
 of the elders of the school of Joseph and Brigham. 
 Nobody ever expressed this axiom better than John 
 Taylor did once in New York, A Mormon lady told 
 him that her servant girl used to bring home bits of 
 silverware and like articles whenever she had been 
 visiting Gentile friends. "What shall I do, Brother 
 Taylor ? " said the lady. "Dear Sister H ," said the 
 
They Steal as the Lord' s Agents. 51 
 
 man of God, with that ghostly unction of his, "you 
 CANNOT steal from Gentiles!" 
 
 No, you cannot. Taylor is right, and his answer was 
 a masterpiece of strict logic. Can it be stealing, if you 
 take from your enemies, whom God will destroy very soon 
 for not accepting the gospel of Joseph Smith ? What 
 the wicked Gentiles possess is stolen from the Lord ; so 
 bring it back, brethren, to the Lord, that obliging " pard " 
 of Joseph's, who hands the trash over to Joseph, of 
 course. 
 
 But hear another of the Lord's choice "revelations" 
 and you will understand fully that the "founder" of 
 Mormonisrn authorized his followers directly to appropri- 
 ate "whatsoever HE needeth : " 
 
 " Behold, it is said in my laws, or forbidden to get in debt to thine 
 enemies (the Gentiles) ; but, behold, it is not said, at any time, that 
 the Lord should not take when he please and/#y as seemeth him good '; 
 wherefore, as ye are agents, and ye are on the Lord's errand, and 
 whatsoever ye do according to the will of the Lord is the Lord^s busi- 
 ness, and he has sent you to provide for his Saints ..." 
 
 Here's richness. This is from the " Book of Doctrine 
 and Covenants," a book, remember, as sacred in the eyes 
 of a fanatic Mormon as the New Testament is to any zeal- 
 ous Christian. Hear now our brave old witnesses : 
 
 Mr. W: "Abel was the name of a colored man in 
 Nauvoo who had received the Priesthood from Joseph. 
 This was an exception to the rule, colored people not 
 being entitled to the blessings of Mormon priesthood (but 
 Joseph and Co. fixed it). Abel, the black priest, at Joseph's 
 command, stole a quantity of lumber, which was needed 
 for coffins, at one time there being great mortality in Nau- 
 voo on account of malaria. A little later Joseph ordered 
 Abel to steal a whole raft of lumber. Abel had scruples 
 about this second order. The first one he had considered 
 all right, since the lumber served to bury the dead. But 
 he was a good Saint, the black priest, and stole the raft 
 all the same. He told me the story himself. 
 
 " One day I was ordered to go and lay hands on the 
 sick, in a place up the river some miles from Nauvoo. 
 Elder M. R., now a bishop in Salt Lake, went with me. 
 
52 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph SmitJi. 
 
 We laid our hands on the sick and it seemed to have good 
 effect : they felt better. Not long ago I met Bishop M. 
 R. in the street. Says he, ( Do you remember how we 
 cured the sick near Nauvoo? I cannot understand how 
 we could succeed, since I had been the very same day 
 driving in forty-five head of cattle which the brethren had 
 stolen on the plains.' W. answered : 'Well, I had not 
 been stealing) and that, perhaps, explains our success." 
 
 Mrs. Pa. : " Vilate Kimball, the apostle's first wife, 
 an honest woman, told many things to her intimate 
 friends. She used to say that her house in Nauvoo was a 
 regular deposit of the ' spoils of the Gentiles. ' It was a 
 favorite sport with the Mormons to rob the stores of their 
 enemies, and to ' consecrate' all the goods to the Lord. 
 Mrs. Kimball had in her house innumerable pieces of 
 calico, muslin, etc., generally of the length of fifty 
 yards. ' I know it to be a fact that our people used to go 
 out nights for the purpose of stealing the wash from the 
 lines of the Gentiles in a circuit of twenty miles around 
 Nauvoo,' sister Vilate used to say." 
 
 W. W. Phelps, a prominent saint in olden times, 
 "Joseph's Speckled Bird," and for many years " Devil " 
 in the Endowment House, said to an old friend of his in 
 Salt Lake : "If the Mormons had behaved like other 
 people, they would never have been driven from Illinois and 
 Missouri ; but they stole, robbed and plundered from all 
 their neighbors, and all the time." (The daughter of 
 Phelps' friend told this little confession to the author.) 
 
 Mr. Sh. : ."When I came to the church at Nauvoo 
 my first experience was this : The priesthood wanted me 
 to be captain of a band whose task it was to stampede the 
 cattle of the apostates, and to kill them if they offered 
 any resistance. I had given the church all I had 
 $23,000 and I declined the honor of being captain of 
 such a band." 
 
 Mr. W. : "Bogus Brigham, alias Bishop Miller (of 
 Prove), was a big, fleshy, stupid fellow. He had a flat- 
 boat on the Mississippi. He went down the river and 
 stole from a mill a whole boat-full of flour. He has told 
 me this himself. ' ' 
 
Joseph) Lee, and Brigham. 53 
 
 THE DON JUAN OF NAUVOO. 
 
 Don Juan in Seville and in Nauvoo A Well- Counted 
 Hecatomb of Victims Celestial Assignation Houses 
 The Little Oil Bottle The Innocent Girl at the Key- 
 hole Eliza R. ; first Spy and then Mistress Orgies 
 in Nauvoo Abortion and Infanticide. 
 
 Yes, "Don Juan"; that's a good name. I remember 
 to have heard that glorious opera of Mozart at least thirty 
 times. I remember how I used to be overcome with two 
 powerful sensations whenever I left the Vienna Opera- 
 house : one was a strong emotion in my breast, such as 
 a decent fellow must always feel after having witnessed 
 the punishment of an unscrupulous libertine ; and second, 
 any amount of smell of burnt gunpowder in my nostrils, 
 proceeding from the fireworks which represented pretty 
 well a middle-sized, old-fashioned, fire-and-brirnstone hell 
 to burn the great sinner in. 
 
 Now, Joseph's career and fearful end are, to my heart 
 and nose, exactly the same over again ; same emotion, 
 same smell, coming now from the smoking rifles of those 
 treacherous "Carthage Grays." So let us say "Don 
 Juan," and introduce Joseph's amorous history as such. 
 
 It is now a well established historical fact that the 
 origin of Mormon polygamy, or "celestial marriage," 
 was nothing but the unbounded and ungoverned passion 
 of the prophet for the other sex. "Joseph and John D. 
 Lee were the most libidinous men I ever knew" says my 
 friend Webb, who knew the prophet for eleven years. 
 " Joseph was the most licentious and Brigham Young the 
 most bloodthirsty of men" says Mrs. Sarah Pratt, who has 
 known all these Mormon leaders during almost their 
 whole career in the church. 
 
 In one of my many interviews with the aged, life-long 
 martyr of polygamy, I said once to her: "I have seen 
 
54 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 a statement in a book that Joseph had eighty wives at the 
 time of his death. Is that true? " Mrs. Pratt smiled and 
 said : " He had many more, my dear sir ; at least he had 
 seduced many more, and those with whom he had lived 
 without their being sealed to him, were sealed to him 
 after his death, to be among the number of his "queens " 
 in the other world. All those women were divided 
 among his friends after his tragic death, so that they 
 might be "proxy-husbands" to them on earth ; while in 
 the celestial kingdom they would, with their offspring, 
 belong to Brother Joseph, the Christ of this dispen- 
 sation." 
 
 Notwithstanding that I had lost, while pursuing my 
 study of Mormon history, a good deal of my original 
 faculty of becoming surprised, it astonished me a little 
 to hear of five scores of ladies entitled to the high dis- 
 tinction of beir;g called "wife of the prophet." But, 
 comparing notes, which I have collected from many 
 witnesses, I cannot but come to the conclusion that 
 Mrs. Pratt has not exaggerated : that Brother Joseph, 
 as a wholesale sealer "for time, and all eternity," was the 
 greatest Don Juan of this or any other dispensation. 
 
 Mrs. P.: "Everybody knew in Nauvoo that the 
 Partridge girls lived with Joseph a long time before he 
 got his celebrated revelation about celestial marriage, 
 dated July 12, 1843. The Partridge girls were very 
 good-natured. After Joseph's death one was sealed to 
 Brigham and the other to Apostle Amasa Lyman. Jos- 
 eph's taste was of very large dimensions, he loved them 
 old and young, pretty and homely. He sometimes se- 
 duced mothers to keep them quiet about his con- 
 nection with their daughters. There was an old 
 woman called Durfee. She knew a good deal about the 
 prophet's amorous adventures and, to keep her quiet, he 
 admitted her to the secret blessings of celestial bliss. I 
 don't think that she was ever sealed to him, though it 
 may have been the case after Joseph's death, when the 
 temple was finished. At all events, she boasted here in 
 Salt Lake of having been one of Joseph's wives. Heber 
 C. Kimball and Brigham Young took the lion's share at 
 
The Little Oil Bottle. 55 
 
 the division of Joseph's wives after his death. Joseph 
 had a number of lady friends, sealed or not sealed, who 
 permitted him to use their houses as a kind of assig- 
 nation houses for rendezvous with other women." 
 
 Mr. Jo. : " You remember that passage in the Reve- 
 lations about celestial marriage, where ' the Lord ' says 
 to Joseph : ' and if she be with another man, and I have 
 not appointed unto her by the holy anointing, she hath 
 committed adultery.' Well, an old Mormon, who had 
 been very intimate with Joseph inNauvoo, assured me that 
 the prophet always carried a small bottle with holy oil 
 about his person, so that he might ' anoint '*at a moment's 
 notice any woman to be a queen in Heaven. A curious 
 little anecdote was told me by a gentleman who had it 
 direct from that pure man of God, Heber C. Kimball. 
 Brigham's alter ego said as follows : ' I sat once with 
 Joseph in his office in the Mansion House. He looked out 
 of the window and saw weeding in a garden a young mar- 
 ried woman whom we both knew. He told me to go to 
 her and request her to come to him, and he would have 
 her sealed to himself this very moment. I went and told 
 the woman to come to Brother Joseph. She ran to the 
 house to comb her hair and * fix up ' generally, and then 
 followed me to the prophet. I performed the sealing cere- 
 mony, and retired.' ' 
 
 Mr. J. W. C. : i( Joseph knew himself well. He 
 said to one of his intimate friends, ' If the Lord had not 
 taken me in hand, I would have become the greatest 
 
 w of the world.' And to another friend, he said: 
 
 ' Whenever I see a pretty woman, I have to pray for grace.' 
 
 Mrs. P.: "Joseph did not content himself with his 
 spiritual brides, who surrendered themselves to him 'for 
 Christ's sake.' There lived on the Mississippi, near the 
 steamboat landing, a certain young woman, a Mrs. White, 
 very pretty and always very fashionably dres'sed. She was 
 in the habit of being very hospitable to the captains of 
 the steamboats . . . Joseph was one of her customers and 
 used to contribute to the expenses of her establishment." 
 
 Mr. Wa. : "I used to employ a poor Mormon woman 
 for domestic sewing. She had been a fanatic Mormon in 
 
56 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 her time, but had cooled down considerably in consequence 
 of her experience in the direction of celestial marriage. 
 Her husband had taken < another woman ' and entirely 
 neglected her, and that is what made her shaky in the 
 faith. She once felt very dull, and in this mood she told 
 me the following little story. ' When in Nauvoo, I was a 
 very young girl, and there I happened to be witness of an 
 event that gave me the first doubt about Joseph the pro- 
 phet. I was servant in the house of a Mr. Ford, a mer- 
 chant who had a store in Nauvoo. He was wont to go by 
 steamer to St. Louis, to make purchases. Whenever Mr. 
 Ford was absent from his house, the prophet used to call 
 on Mrs. Ford.* He would come, chat with her awhile, and 
 then, they would retire to the lady's chamber. For a while 
 I saw nothing in this, being a very young, innocent girl, 
 and very strong in the faith. But some way or other sus- 
 picion arose in my mind. So when Joseph called again 
 Mr. Ford had gone to St. Louis the day before I could 
 not master my curiosity any more. I followed the pair 
 
 stealthily, and putting my eye to the keyhole I saw 
 
 . ' Here the poor woman gave me a description of 
 
 a scene which was surely calculated to shake even the most 
 fanatic faith. But this is not all. She said : ' When- 
 ever Mr. Ford came home from St. Louis, he used to com- 
 plain about business : 'I cannot understand it,' he used 
 to say, ' when I am here money comes in all the time, and 
 when I am away not a red cent gets into the house.' 
 Now the explanation is very simple. Whenever Joseph 
 had prayed with Mrs. Ford, she used to give him all the 
 money in the till, to the last cent. Since that time I do 
 ask myself sometimes, whether Joseph was really the right 
 kind of a prophet."* 
 
 The women in Nauvoo considered it a high honor to 
 receive their celestial blessings from Joseph himself. He 
 was prophet, seer and revelator, lieutenant general, mayor ; 
 he was not only the Lord's mouthpiece, but might be 
 President of the United States. At any rate, he was, 
 
 *This story has been told the author by a perfectly reliable gentle- 
 man, a business man of high and long standing in Salt Lake. 
 
He Seals Them AIL 57 
 
 without having the title, the autocrat, the emperor of the 
 rapidly growing Mormon empire. Is it any wonder that 
 those poor souls should feel greatly elated whenever the 
 anointed of the Lord deigned to accept their all ? 
 
 Mr. W. ; "Joseph's dissolute life began already in 
 the first times of the* church, in Kirtland. lie was sealed 
 there secretly to Fanny Alger. Emma was furious, and 
 drove the girl, who was unable to conceal the conse- 
 quences of her celestial relation with the prophet, out of 
 her house." 
 
 Mrs. D. : "A Mrs. Granger proved a very reliable 
 and useful friend to the prophet. He was once at her 
 house, in bed, and not alone. The bed had old-fashioned 
 curtains. All at once Sister Emma, the prophet's wife, 
 came in, and said excitedly to Mrs. Granger: ' Is 
 Brother Joseph here?' * No,' said Mrs. Granger, ' he 
 has jusr been in, but went out again,' getting Sister Emma 
 out of the house as hurriedly as possible. Joseph used to 
 tell his intimate friends how dreadfully he had felt in that 
 bed, expecting every moment that his wife might look 
 behind the curtains." 
 
 Mrs.J.: "Eliza Partridge, one of the many girls sealed 
 to the prophet, used to sew in Emma's room. Once, while 
 Joseph was absent, Emma got to fighting with Eliza and 
 threw her down the stairs. i That finished my sewing 
 there,' Eliza used to say." 
 
 " In Kirtland, Joseph was once caught in a house 
 
 with one of the sisters. This house might be called the 
 
 humble birthplace of the revelation on celestial marriage." 
 
 Mr. W.: " Joseph kept eight girls in his house, calling 
 them his i daughters.' Emma threatened that she would 
 leave the house, and Joseph told her, ' All right, you can 
 go.' She went, but when Joseph reflected that such a scandal 
 would hurt his prophetic dignity, he followed his wife and 
 brought, her back. But the eight 'daughters' had to 
 leave the house." 
 
 "Miss" Eliza R. Snow, one of the most curious 
 figures in the history of Mormondom, played an impor- 
 tant part in the events relating to celestial hymenology. 
 She is the great poetess (and such a poetess !), and is a 
 
58 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 sort of high priestess generally of Mormonism. She 
 used to anoint the sisters in the Endowment house and to 
 play the part of Eve in the celestial drama enacted there. 
 She is now over eighty years old, yet doing the same 
 thing in the Logan temple in Utah. * Sister Eliza became 
 the church's "elect lady" when "the Lord" became 
 thoroughly incensed with Sister Emma for her con- 
 tumacy. She is the very prototype of what is called 
 " female roosters " in Zion, always ready to enslave and 
 drag men and women into polygamy. She was one of 
 the first (willing) victims of Joseph in Nauvoo. She 
 used to be much at the prophet's house and "Sister 
 Emma" treated her as a confidential friend. Very much 
 interested about Joseph's errands, Emma used to send 
 Eliza after him as a spy. Joseph found it out and, to 
 win over the gifted (!) young poetess, he made her one of 
 his celestial brides. There is scarcely a Mormon unac- 
 quainted with the fact that Sister Emma, on the other 
 side, soon found out the little compromise arranged 
 between Joseph and Eliza. Feeling outraged as a wife 
 and betrayed as a friend, Emma is currently reported as 
 having had recourse to a vulgar broomstick as an instru- 
 ment of revenge ; and the harsh treatment received at 
 Emma's hands is said to have destroyed Eliza's hopes of 
 becoming the mother of a prophet's son. So far one of 
 my best informed witnesses. Her story becomes corrob- 
 orated by another reliable source. Elder Bullock, who 
 was church historian at that time, used to tell the follow- 
 ing little tale : "Joseph said on the morning of the first 
 parade of the Nauvoo Legion ' This is the proudest day 
 of my life.' Many people believed that this outburst 
 of pride was entirely of a military character. But I and 
 some other intimate friends of the prophet knew very well 
 that he was proud of another thing, not of a parade, but 
 of a conquest, the conquest of Eliza." 
 
 Mr. W. : "There were many small rooms, with 
 beds, in the temple in Nauvoo. They turned the house 
 of the Lord into a house of prostitution. The wife of 
 Amasa Lyman, apostle and apostate, used to say that they 
 had many little bedrooms in the temple, and that the 
 
High Jinks in Nauvoo. 59 
 
 newly-sealed couples used to retire to those rooms with 
 provisions for two or three days." 
 
 Mr. S. : " Amasa Lyman, the apostle, who later 
 became a ' vile apostate,' told me that Joseph, Brigham 
 Young, and other apostles used to dance in the Endow- 
 ment house with the Lord's ' hand-maids,' their spiritual 
 wives. Those dances were performed in Adamic costume ; 
 and a fiddler was ' ordained and set apart ' for the pur- 
 pose. I know this to be an absolute fact; it has been 
 confirmed to me by other w r ell-informed persons. That 
 fiddler went with a party of Mormons to California, San 
 Bernardino County, and remained there." 
 
 It seems that the " souvenir " of the orgies in .'Nauvoo 
 was kept alive by some of the men who had been initiated 
 into the jolly secrets of the innermost ring of the prophet's 
 friends, of both sexes. Elder Thomas Margetts, while in 
 England, established, in Southampton, a "mock endow- 
 ment house," whose walls were ornamented by the most 
 obscene of pictures, and where orgies were performed at 
 least the equals in brutality to those celebrated in Nauvoo. 
 I know this to be a positive fact. It was attested to me 
 by two former elders of the church who held positions of 
 influence in the " conferences." One of them was 
 present at the church trial of the offenders. Margetts 
 was later killed on the plains by Elder Porter Rockwell, 
 whose sacramental duty consisted in blowing out the 
 brains of all suspected or guilty persons. 
 
 Mrs. P.: "You hear often that Joseph had no 
 polygamous offspring. The reason of this is very simple. 
 Abortion was practiced on a large scale in Nauvoo. Dr. 
 John C. Bennett, the evil genius of Joseph, brought this 
 abomination into a scientific system. He showed to my 
 husband and me the instruments with which he used to 
 * operate for Joseph. ' There was a house in Nauvoo, 
 'right across the flat,' about a mile and a-half from the 
 town, a kind of hospital. They sent the women there, 
 when they showed signs of celestial consequences. Abor- 
 tion was practiced regularly in this house." 
 
 Mrs. H. : " Many little bodies of new-born children 
 floated down the Mississippi." 
 
60 Mormon Portraits. 7. Joseph Smith. 
 
 May 21, 1886, I had a fresh interview with Mrs. Sarah 
 M. Pratt, who had the kindness to give me the following 
 testimony additional to the information given by her in 
 our interviews in the spring of 1885. "I want you to 
 have all my statements correct in your book," said the 
 noble lady, "and put my name to them; I want the 
 truth, the full truth, to be known, and to bear the respon- 
 sibility of it. 
 
 " I have told you that the prophet Joseph used to 
 frequent houses of iU-fame. Mrs. White, a very pretty 
 and attractive woman, once confessed to me that she 
 made a business of it to be hospitable to the captains of 
 the Mississippi steamboats. She told me that Joseph had 
 made her acquaintance very soon after his arrival in 
 Nauvoo, and that he had visited her dozens of times. My 
 husband (Orson Pratt) could not be induced to believe 
 such things of his prophet. Seeing his obstinate incred- 
 ulity, Mrs. White proposed to Mr. Pratt and myself to 
 put us in a position where we could observe what was 
 going on between herself and Joseph the prophet. We, 
 however, declined this proposition. You have made a 
 mistake in the table of contents of your book in calling 
 this woman ' Mrs. Harris. ' Mrs. Harris was a married 
 lady, a very great friend of mine. When Joseph had 
 made his dastardly attempt on me, I went to Mrs. Harris 
 to unbosom my grief to her. To my utter astonishment, 
 she said, laughing heartily: * How foolish you are ! I 
 don't see anything so horrible in it. Why, I AM HIS 
 
 MISTRESS SINCE FOUR YEARS ! ' 
 
 " Next door to my house was a house of bad reputa- 
 tion. One single woman lived there, not very attractive. 
 She used to be visited by people from Carthage whenever 
 they came to Nauvoo. Joseph used to come on horse- 
 back, ride up to the house and tie his horse to a tree, 
 many of which stood before the house. Then he would 
 enter the house of the woman from the back. I have 
 seen him do this repeatedly. 
 
 "Joseph Smith, the son of the prophet, and president 
 of the re-organized Mormon church, paid me a visit, and 
 I had a long talk with him. I saw that he was not inclined 
 
A Little Job for Joseph. 61 
 
 to believe the truth about his father, so I said to him : 
 ( You pretend to have revelations from the Lord. Why 
 don't you ask the Lord to tell you what kind of a man 
 your father really was ? ' He answered : ' If my father 
 had so many connections with women, where is the prog- 
 eny?' I said to him: ' Your father had mostly inter- 
 course with married women, and as to single ones, Dr. 
 Bennett was always on hand, when anything happened.' 
 " It was in this way that I became acquainted with Dr. 
 John C. Bennett. When my husband went to England as 
 a missionary, he got the promise fro!?! Joseph that I should 
 receive provisions from the tithing-house. Shortly after- 
 ward Joseph made his propositions to me and they enraged 
 me so that I refused to accept any help from the tithing 
 house or from the bishop. Having been always very 
 clever and very busy with my needle, I began to take in 
 sewing for the support of myself and children, and suc- 
 ceeded soon in making myself independent. When 
 Bennett came to Nauvoo Joseph brought him to my house, 
 stating that Bennett wanted some sewing done, and that 
 I should do it for the doctor. I assented and Bennett gave 
 me a great deal of work to do. He knew that Joseph had 
 his plans set on me ; Joseph made no secret of them before 
 Bennett, and went so far in his impudence as to make 
 propositions to me in the presence of Bennett, his bosom 
 friend. Bennett, who was of a sarcastic turn of mind, used 
 to come and tell me about Joseph to tease and irritate me. 
 One day they came both, Joseph and Bennett, on horse- 
 back to my house. Bennett dismounted, Joseph remained 
 outside. Bennett wanted me to return to him a book I 
 had borrowed from him. It was a so-called doctor-book. 
 I had a rapidly growing little family and wanted to inform 
 myself about certain matters in regard to babies, etc., 
 this explains my having borrowed that book. While giving 
 Bennett his book, I observed that he held something in 
 the left sleeve of his coat. Bennett smiled and said : " Oh, 
 a little job for Joseph, one of his women is in trouble. ' ' Say- 
 ing this, he took the thing out of his left sleeve. It was a 
 pretty long instrument of a kind I had never seen before. 
 It seemed to be of steel and was crooked at one end. I 
 
62 Mormon Portraits. 7. Joseph Smith. 
 
 heard afterwards that the operation had been performed ; 
 that the woman was very sick, and that Joseph was very 
 much afraid that she might die, but she recovered. 
 
 " Bennett was the most intimate friend of Joseph for a 
 time. He boarded with the prophet. He told me once 
 that Joseph had been talking with him about his troubles 
 with Emma, his wife. ' He asked me,' said Bennett, 
 smilingly, < what he should do to get out of the trouble ? r 
 I said, ' this is very simple. GET A REVELATION that 
 polygamy is right, and all your troubles will be at 
 an end.' % 
 
 "The only ' wives' of Joseph that lived in the Man- 
 sion House were the Partridge girls. This is explained 
 by the fact that they were the servants in the hotel kept 
 by the prophet. But when Emma found out that Joseph 
 went to their room, they had to leave the house. 
 
 "I remember Emma's trip to St Louis. I begged 
 her to buy for me a piece of black silk there. 
 
 "You should bear. in mind that Joseph did not think 
 of a marriage or sealing ceremony for many years. He 
 used to state to his intended victims, as he did to me: 
 ' God does not care if we have a good time, if only other 
 people do not know it? He only introduced a marriage 
 ceremony when he had found out that he could not get 
 certain women without it. I think Louisa Beeman was 
 the first case of this kind. If any woman, like me, 
 opposed his wishes, he used to say : ' Be silent, or I shall 
 ruin your character. My character must be sustained in 
 the interest of the church/ When he had assailed me 
 and saw that he could not seal my lips, he sent word to 
 me that he would work my salvation, if I kept silent. I 
 sent back that I would talk as much as I pleased and as 
 much as I knew to be the truth, and as to my salvation, I 
 would try and take care of that myself. 
 
 " In his endeavors to ruin my character Joseph went 
 so far as to publish an extra-sheet containing affidavits 
 against my reputation. When this sheet was brought to 
 me I discovered to my astonishment the names of two 
 people on it, man and wife, with whom I had boarded 
 for a certain time. I never thought much of the man, 
 
Hyrum Saves the Church. 63 
 
 but the woman was an honest person and I knew that she 
 must have been forced to do such a thing against me. So 
 I went to their house ; the man left the house hurriedly 
 when he saw me coming. I found the wife and said to 
 her rather excitedly : i What does it all mean ? ' She 
 began to sob. 'It is not my fault,' said she. ' Hyrum 
 Smith came to our house, with the affidavits all written 
 out, and forced us to sign them. ''Joseph and the church 
 must be saved J said he. We saw that resistance was 
 useless, they would have ruined us; so we signed the 
 papers.' ' 
 
 Let us introduce now a statement as to the reliability 
 of Mrs. Pratt. She is well known in Salt Lake City and 
 all over Utah as possessing all the virtues of an excellent 
 wife and mother; but outsiders may wish to know of 
 Mrs. Pratt' s standing in this community, and I take 
 pleasure in giving a testimonial : 
 
 SALT LAKE CITY, May 1886. 
 
 We, the undersigned, cordially bear witness to the 
 excellent reputation of Mrs. Sarah M. Pratt. We feel 
 well assured that Mrs. Pratt is a lady whose statements 
 are absolutely to be depended upon. Entire frankness 
 and a high sense of honor and truth are regarded in this 
 community, where she has dwelt since 1847, as ner ruling 
 characteristics. 
 
 CHARLES S. ZANE, 
 Chief Justice Utah Territory. 
 
 ARTHUR L. THOMAS, 
 
 Secretary Utah Territory. 
 
 REV. J. W. JACKSON, 
 U. S. A. Chaplain, Fort Douglas. 
 
 I could very readily augment this testimonial with 
 many others were it deemed worth while. 
 
64 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 THE NAUVOO PANDEMONIUM. 
 
 Don Juan at the Hight of His Wickedness Poor 
 Emma ! Rushton Describes a Family Scene with 
 Blows and Sobs Ben Winchester's Tale Swapping 
 Wives A Wife for Cat-fish The Wives of the 
 Twelve. 
 
 The way of the transgressor is, as a rule, not only 
 hard, but pretty rapid, too. Look at the celebrated 
 ancestors of our prophet, the emperors Caligula and 
 Nero ; look at his very prototype, John of Leyden, and 
 other crowned debauchees, rushing from passion to 
 frenzy, from frenzy to raving madness. The gods blind 
 whom they want to destroy. As to King Joseph and his 
 capital, Nauvoo, it may be truly said that there never was, 
 and let us trust never will be in any community of this 
 " sweet home" loving, pure-principled republic another 
 edition of such a whirlpool of secret vice,* of such a demo- 
 niac bacchanal, including as dancers all the prominent men 
 and even many "ladies" of a city. Let it be remem- 
 bered forever that the men who know all the facts 
 published by me, and more, deny them daily as " infamous 
 slanders," and that these same men are the leaders of 
 this abomination called a "church" by its illiterate 
 dupes only and by the over-cultivated ladies and gentle- 
 men of the East. 
 
 Joseph Smith was shrewd enough to have a few honest 
 men around him whom he placed in responsible positions, 
 who filled them with fidelity and self-sacrifice, being at 
 the same time in a great measure ignorant of the duplicity 
 and wickedness of the impostor. None were more 
 
 * " What would it have done for us if they had known that many 
 of us had more than one wife when we lived in Illinois? They 
 would have broken us up, doubtless, worse than they did. .. .but we 
 shall come to a point where we shall have all the wives and they will 
 have none." Orson Hyde's sermon in 1854, Journal of Discourses, 
 Vol. II., p. 83. 
 
" Come in, Brother Rushton" 65 
 
 faithful or truthful than Elder Richard Rushton, the 
 trusty steward employed by Joseph in the Mansion 
 House in Nauvoo. Rushton was a good, honest man 
 of fine instincts, and had served faithfully for some 
 years, holding that position when the bodies of Joseph 
 and Hyrum were brought to Nauvoo, and he received 
 them. It was his duty to lock up, every night, most 
 of the rooms, especially the pantry, storeroom, larder, 
 etc., and then'to give the keys to " Sister Emma." .She 
 would, on retiring, place the bunch of keys in a large 
 pocket that was nailed on the wall at the head of her 
 bed. About 4 o'clock every morning Brother Rushton 
 would tap at the bedroom door in order to receive the 
 keys and open the hotel. Emma on hearing the raps 
 would say, " Come in, Brother Rushton," and would hand 
 him the keys from the pocket, and give such orders as 
 were needed. 
 
 It so " came to pass" once upon a time, that the 
 groceries and other provisions necessary for the use of the 
 hotel were nearly exhausted, and a famine seemed pending 
 in the larder. Fortunately, however, Joseph sold a fine, 
 black horse which had been presented to him, for three 
 hundred and fifty dollars or so, and also a city lot or two, 
 for about four hundred dollars. With the sales of the 
 horse and land, and a little cash on hand, he mustered 
 up about nine hundred dollars, which he cheerfully 
 placed in Emma's hands, saying: "We are out of pro- 
 visions; take this and go down to St. Louis, and buy 
 what is needed. Capt. Dan Jones will fire up the ' Maid 
 of Iowa ' (a little steamboat always ready for church use) 
 and take you down." Emma started for St. Louis. The 
 going, purchasing and return occupied about a week. 
 At night, after the departure of the "elect lady," the 
 steward gave the keys to the prophet, and in the morning 
 he as usual stepped lightly and rapped at the door of the 
 bed-room. A voice, strange to his ear, yet of feminine 
 softness, rather startled him in response with the words 
 "Come in." He entered timidly, when lo and be- 
 hold ! there lay in Emma's bed and stead the beautiful 
 and attractive young wife of Elder Edward Blossom, a 
 
66 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 high councilor of Zion, (afterwards exalted to the apostle- 
 ship by Brigham Young). With a pair of laughing, 
 glistening eyes and with a smile of happy sweetness, she 
 spoke in soift and pleading accents: " I suppose, Brother 
 Rushton, I shall have to be Sister Emma to you this 
 morning" as she gracefully handed the keys to him. 
 Astonished and blushing, the faithful steward left the 
 room to resume his duties, leaving the adulterous prophet 
 and his charmer to themselves. The same thing was 
 repeated each morning during the week Emma was away 
 purchasing supplies for the prophet's hotel. 
 
 In relating this occurrence to another of my most 
 precise and valuable witnesses, Brother Rushton, though 
 no seeker after effect, added the following picturesque 
 details : " Emma used to keep the keys of the hotel in a 
 richly ornamented wallet given to her by some well-to-do 
 English friends. When Joseph saw how dumbfounded I 
 was he sat up in his red flannel night robe and said in a 
 hasty, commanding tone : ' That } s all right, Brother 
 Rushton,' making a movement with his outstretched 
 right hand towards me. The prophet's gesture and tone 
 gave me to understand that I was to go and keep my 
 mouth shut.' ' 
 
 "One afternoon," said Mr. Rushton, the steward,, 
 "after the hurry of the dinner work was over, I was 
 sitting in my little office, when looking through my 
 window, I saw the Prophet Joseph, followed by the two 
 Partridge girls, coming from the back part of the lot and 
 enter, all three, the little log cabin which had been the 
 first home, in Nauvoo, of the prophet before the " Man- 
 sion " was built. A minute or so afterwards Sister Emma 
 came to my office door and asked me : ' Did you see 
 Brother Joseph and the two Partridge girls go into the 
 cabin? ' Mr. Rushton didn't like to split on the prophet, 
 and yet didn't like to tell a lie; and at last he replied 
 hesitatingly: "Well I think perhaps well I may 
 have seen them. " "I'll just put on my sun-bonnet and 
 go and see what they are about," replied she, and stepped 
 over. A very short time after her entry she appeared at 
 the door of the cabin, being pushed out rudely, and 
 
Emma Weeps and Forgives. 67 
 
 came to the office door crying bitterly. " Oh Brother 
 Rushton," she said in broken sobs, "I went into the 
 cabin, I found those two girls with my husband, and 
 Joseph jumped up in a rage when he saw that I had sur- 
 prised them and struck me a horrid blow ; " at the same 
 time she showed me the mark of the blow on her cheek. 
 She then dropped fainting on a chair, weeping and 
 uttering words of despair. A few minutes afterward 
 Joseph entered and going up to Emma, said in a meek, 
 repentant manner, " Oh, my dear Emma, I am so sorry I 
 struck you. I did it in a passion ; you must forgive me. I 
 did it without a thought, or I wouldn't have done it. For- 
 give me. But you shouldn't be running after me, watch- 
 ing me, and prying at my actions." He apologized, and 
 kissed Emma, and apologized again, and then finally she 
 arose and they went into the parlor together apparently 
 reconciled," 
 
 Another characteristic anecdote connected yet with 
 the Kirtland times of the " church," was related to me by 
 an ex-elder of perfect reliability. I insert it here, be- 
 cause it shows what kind of a woman-eater this prophet 
 had been in early days already. A large, influential 
 ''branch of the church" existed in Philadelphia, over 
 which Ben Winchester successfully presided. Joe visited 
 that church occasionally and enjoyed the associations 
 much. On one occasion, it having been announced that 
 the prophet was to preach, he sat on the platform by the 
 side of his faithful presiding elder while awaiting the time 
 to open services. Now and then as some handsome young 
 woman came up the aisle and took a seat, Joe would 
 turn to Elder Winchester and ask, " Who is that beautiful 
 lady?" or, "Who is that fine, lovely creature?" On 
 being told, " that is Miss So-and-so," or, "Mrs. So-and- 
 so," or, "Sister So-and-so," he did not at all disguise his 
 wishes; he made no "bones" of it; but would say in 
 reply, "I'd just like talk to her alone for a while," or, 
 " I would like her for a companion for a night," and 
 other expressions too plain and vulgar for me to write. 
 [I can give names if needed.] 
 
 After the polygamy doctrine was secretly whispered 
 
68 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 about among the chosen few in Nauvoo, there were great 
 surmisings on the part of those who desired to know the 
 " mysteries of the kingdom." Many imperfect theories 
 were ventilated, and false conclusions arrived at. Joe had 
 formulated no plan, and did not, as yet, have any rules 
 whereby to direct his intimate friends, much less the com- 
 mon saints who were not in the ring. Hence, having no 
 "law," every man and woman was a law to himself or 
 ^herself, and they went on their own course. In a small 
 house in Nauvoo, consisting only of two rooms, dwelt two 
 men and their wives. Each man and wife occupied one 
 room. These couples having got some inkling of the new 
 order of things, came to the conclusion that they might as 
 well live up to their privileges. They accordingly ex- 
 changed partners, and lived in this condition for several 
 weeks, when former relations were resumed. Such inci- 
 dents, with variations, were by no means uncommon. 
 (My friend Webb says there was a great deal of swapping 
 and exchanging done in Nauvoo as to wives. Old Cooks 
 sold his wife for a load of catfish, and from that time on 
 he was always called "Catfish Cooks.") Another party 
 was anxious for a similar exchange, and the little story 
 proves that the sisters were sometimes as desirous for it as 
 the brethren. Brother Rushton and his wife were at last 
 reluctantly compelled to know what was going on among 
 the saints in Nauvoo, but they repelled all attempts of 
 either male or female to draw them into the new practices. 
 Brother Blossom, a high priest and member of the high 
 council of that stake of Zion, had his eyes upon and 
 coveted Mrs. Rushton, his neighbor's wife ; the high 
 priest's wife had her own upon Brother Rushton, and this 
 nice pair sought an exchange with Rushton and wife. 
 Sister Blossom approached Brother R. with her sweetest 
 smiles, telling him that B. had sent her to arrange with 
 him that he (R.) should have her as a wife, and B. should 
 have Sister R. for his wife, and that mutual arrangement 
 could and should be made to that effect ; she and B. 
 were perfectly willing to thus exchange, if R. and wife 
 were, and that it was according to the "law and will of 
 the Lord." Knowing the antipathy of Mrs. R. to such 
 
A Lady Delegate to Congress. 69 
 
 proposals, R. told Mrs. B. to ask his wife about it, and 
 whatever she agreed to, he would do. The mission was 
 in vain ; the good lady refused to accede to their vile 
 proposal. On a future occasion the high priest sent his 
 wife to Mrs. R. with a basket of fresh sweet potatoes as a 
 present, and renewed the request for an exchange of 
 partners. The good lady became indignant at the per- 
 sistency of the pair, and ordered her to take the basket 
 out of her sight. "Does he think," she said, "he can 
 bribe me with a basket of potatoes ? " 
 
 At another time, a rather interesting old maid, sister 
 of one of the dignitaries of the church, came a distance of 
 some sixty miles to see Brother R., and begged him 
 piteously to take her as a plural wife she had a revela- 
 tion that he was to be her husband "right now." On 
 his positive refusal, she left him in tears, prostrate with 
 disappointment. 
 
 There were in Nauvoo, when Joseph was in his glory 
 as "the greatest prophet that ever lived," a young mer- 
 chant and his wife whom he dearly loved. She bore to 
 him several children, but became fascinated with Joe and 
 with his claims to "exalt " any woman who would yield 
 to his wishes and become his "wife." The husband was 
 sent on a mission, and during his absence Joseph 
 "gathered" the wife to his embraces, and she was 
 " sealed " one of his harem. After Joe's " martyrdom," 
 she became the wife of Brigham, as a proxy wife for Joe, 
 that any posterity which might ensue should be Joe* s in 
 heaven. One child, a daughter, was the result of this- 
 relation, but the young lady was always known by the 
 name of Young, never by name of Smith, robbing Brother 
 Joseph of his earthly glory, at least. This same wife of 
 three men is often sent as a representative of the women 
 of Utah to the women's conventions abroad in America, 
 and to the lobbies of Congress. If she truly represents 
 Utah women, the reader may guess the character of those 
 represented ; and if these are not such as she represents, 
 then Utah women are not represented yet she is their 
 choice. (Lee says, in his "Confession," of this lady: 
 " H. B. Jacobs accompanied me as a fellow companion. 
 
70 Mormon Portraits. I. Joseph Smith. 
 
 Jacobs was bragging about his wife and two children 
 what a true, virtuous, lovely woman she was. He almost 
 worshiped her; but little did he think that in his absence 
 she was sealed to the prophet Joseph, and was his wife." 
 
 P- i3 2 
 
 Joseph Smith finally demanded the wives of all the 
 twelve apostles that were at home then in Nauvoo. And 
 why not? Were the " apostles" not his slaves, his 
 property, including all they had ? Woman in Mormon- 
 dom has been, from the beginning a chattel, and man, a 
 slave. That Joseph did demand and obtain the wives of 
 the twelve, is proved beyond doubt by irrefutable testi- 
 mony. But there is further proof from a very high 
 authority. Jedediah Grant, Brigham's counselor, Snd 
 soul of the horrible "Reformation" which culminated in 
 the Mountain Meadows Massacre, said in one of his 
 harangues which were as bloody as they were filthy : 
 "Do you think that the prophet Joseph wanted the wives 
 of the Twelve that he asked for ; merely to gratify himself? 
 No ; he did it to try the brethren. But if President Young 
 wants my wives, or any of them, he can have them,' 1 ' 1 etc. 
 (He didn't consult his " wives" oh, no; they are only 
 like cattle, to be given away if desired. Is the Mormon 
 woman equal to the man, according to that?) That was 
 said publicly before thousands of hearers, men and 
 women. Mormonism has produced the most abject 
 slavery ever witnessed in the history of the world. Hear 
 ' Jeddy " Grant again : 
 
 " What would a man of God say, who felt right, when Joseph 
 asked him for his money ? He would say : ' Yes ; and I wish I had 
 more to build up the kingdom of God.' Or if he came and said : ' I 
 want your wife ! ' * Oh, yes,' he would say ; ' there she is. There are 
 plenty more.' " * 
 
 And Orson Pratt, another man of God, follows in the 
 same strain : 
 
 " Consecrate everything to the Lord that you have flocks and 
 herds, gold and silver, wearing apparel, watches, jewelry, your wives 
 and children of course. The wives have given themselves to their 
 
 * Journal of Discourses, the official collection of Mormon ser- 
 mons, vol. i., p. 14. 
 
Leonora Taylor and Vilate Kimball. 71 
 
 husband, and he has to consecrate them. They are the Lord's \id esf, 
 His chosen prophet's. W.~\ He has only lent them to us." * 
 
 Mrs. Leonora Taylor, first and legal wife of the present 
 head of the church, and aunt of George Q. Cannon, told 
 ladies who still reside in this city, that all the wives of 
 the twelve were, in fact, consecrated to the Lord, that is, 
 to his servant, Joseph ; and that Joseph's demands, and 
 her husband's soft compliance so exasperated her as to 
 cause her ' the loss of a finger and of a baby,' The latter 
 she lost by a premature delivery, being at the time in a deli- 
 cate condition, and in her fury for help, having thrust her 
 clenched fist through a window-pane, lost one of her fingers. 
 Her honor was saved from the attack of Don Juan. Mrs. 
 Taylor was mistaken, however, in her general statement, 
 which is just a little too sweeping. She, no doubt, was 
 lied to by John Taylor himself, or by some one else ' in 
 authority,' for the purpose of overcoming her wifely 
 scruples. Besides herself, there were two others, who 
 were exceptions in this atrocious case. Vilate Kimball, 
 the first wife of Heber C. Kimball, later the righthand- 
 man and clown of King Brigham, and one of the most 
 disgusting types of Mormon "history Vilate was a good, 
 pure woman, she was better than her ' religion,' though a 
 slave to it in a manner. She loved her husband, and he, 
 not yet developed as the brute he later became, loved her, 
 hence a reluctance to comply with the Lord's demand 
 that Vilate should be consecrated like the moveable prop- 
 erty of the other 'Apostles.' Still, Joseph was to them a 
 prophet, and therefore the act might be right in him, 
 though simply damnable in any other man. They thought 
 the command of the Lord must be obeyed in some way, 
 and a i proxy ' way suggested itself to their minds. They 
 had a young daughter only getting out of girlhood, and 
 the father apologizing to the prophet for his wife's reluct- 
 ance to comply with his desires, stating, however, that the 
 act must be right or it would not be counselled the ab- 
 ject slave of a father asked Joe if his daughter wouldrf t do 
 as well as his wife. Joe replied that she would do just as 
 
 * Journal of Discourses, vol. i., p. 98. 
 
72 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 well, and the Lord would accept her instead. The half-ripe 
 bud of womanhood was delivered over to the prophet. 
 Helen Mar Whitney this is her name now still lives and 
 belongs to that undefinable class of wrinkled old women, 
 only to be found in Mormonism, who pride themselves in 
 their shame, in speeches and in print. She writes 
 pamphlets on .the divinity of polygamy ! Other < plurals ' 
 do the same. It is the saddest, the most disheartening 
 kind of literature I have ever seen in any country. It 
 makes me do desperate things. It makes me prefer the 
 worst of mother-in-laws to such ' ladies,' and gives me a 
 wonderfully favorable idea of the odalisques of those old 
 bearded Turks they are pretty and they don't write, 
 you see. 
 
 The other intended victim, who escaped the prophet's 
 clutches was high-spirited Mrs. Sarah M. Pratt. She 
 stoutly repelled his repeated approaches, though she had 
 to pay the penalty for refusing to 'consecrate' her honor. 
 She has been ever since hated and slandered by the Mor- 
 mon leaders. Joe threatened her, if she divulged to her 
 husband or anyone else what he had proposed; adding 
 " if you do, I will ruin your character. I will deny every- 
 thing, and the Church will believe me and not you. My 
 standing in the Church must be upheld at any cost and 
 sacrifice." He kept his word. He tried to starve her 
 and her children; he used all his influence against her ; 
 even leading mob demonstrations for that purpose, and 
 abusing her from the pulpit. He caused evil reports to be 
 circulated about her and tried to make her an object of 
 detestation as an apostate Brigham Young took up 
 Joseph's course in this, as he did in everything else, and 
 tried to rob her of her modest property in Salt Lake City, 
 the support of herself and a family of small children, 
 mostly sons, whom she has reared toman's estate and who 
 would do honor to any community. Her husband, Orson 
 Pratt, who became, under the influence of polygamy, as 
 coarsely selfish as any other "polyg," went so far in his 
 abject slavery, as to join Prophet Brigham in his attempt 
 to defraud the victim, his own wife and the mother of his 
 children. It was my earliest interview with Mrs. Pratt. 
 
Joseph' 's Anatomical Museum. 73 
 
 in January, 1885, which gave me the first insight into the 
 pernicious working of a system invented by impostors and 
 carried out by outlaws all the way through. 
 
 EMMA, THE PROPHET'S WIFE. 
 
 Old Hickory Hale Emma Loves the "Peeper" King 
 and Pope Wretched but Proud "All Guesswork" 
 Emma Wants to Expose the Humbug A Crushing Doc- 
 ument "Peeper ' ' Joseph The White Dog Sacrificed 
 Joseph a Crocodile That old White Hat The Bleeding 
 Ghost The Prophet of the Lord Becomes a Methodist 
 Emma Finds out What "Spiritual" Means. 
 
 Yes, don't doubt it a moment; I have looked out for a 
 bright point in Joseph's life and would have been very 
 happy in finding it. I am naturally given to admiration 
 of all that is good and noble in human nature. I have 
 learnt, besides I am on the wrong side of forty that 
 man is a curious composite of good and bad, and that a 
 little good goes far in making up for a great amount of 
 bad. Thackeray is right. Each of us has his "skeleton 
 in the closet." Why should I rattle with the bones in my 
 neighbor's cellar, lest somebody might come and open the 
 door of my own well-guarded closet ? 
 
 But the case of our prophet is different. There is 
 nothing &// skeletons. His-house is full of them, and so 
 is his city. Rattling becomes a public duty. The pro- 
 prietor of this vast anatomical museum claims to be the 
 founder of a new religion, the best religion of all, the 
 restorer of truth and moral purity all over the wide world. 
 Don't you think I am justified in rattling? 
 
 No, I could not find a bright point, an extenuating cir- 
 cumstance, in the whole life of the great impostor. It is 
 lie and crime all through. Just think of the multitude of 
 excellent people, virtuous, devout women and good men, 
 
74 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 who have staked their all in this life upon the prophetship 
 of " Joseph Smith, Junior" ! Why, Joe would have been 
 the captain of a pirate-ship or a slave-dealer as soon as a 
 prophet. There is not even a beam of light in those days 
 that are such happy ones for purer minds the days of 
 wooing and early wedlock. He likes old Hale's daughter, 
 but the first thing he does is to pervert the moral sense of 
 the honest farmer's darling and make her an accomplice 
 of his fraud. The proud, intelligent young wife becomes 
 likewise an impostor; he crushes her conscience, and it 
 appears a crushed one even on her death bed, when she 
 declared that Joseph had never been in polygamy. She 
 had learned from him to lie to further her ends. But what 
 he could not crush in her were the wife and mother. He 
 tried hard to make an Eliza R. Snow of her, a harem- 
 queen. He did not succeed, He had to cow before this 
 firm wife and proud mother. In this she remained old 
 Hale's child, even when threatened with destruction by 
 that climax of silly impudence and impious balderdash, 
 the "revelation on celestial marriage." You might even 
 construe that death-bed lie of hers as the outcome of her 
 pride, her firmness and her love for her family, which she 
 wanted to appear pure and decent before the world. 
 Though tainted with her husband's fraud, the prophet's 
 wife shines out from Mormon History as a great, sympa- 
 thetic figure. 
 
 Emma was the bright, handsome, black-eyed daughter 
 of a sturdy, honest, humbug-hating Pennsylvania farmer, 
 Isaac Hale. His character may be fairly judged by a let- 
 ter which he wrote in 1834 about his son-in-law and the 
 Gold Bible; the reader finds this remarkable document, 
 among others, at the end of Part I., of this volume. 
 
 When Emma fell in love with young Joe, he was a 
 shiftless vagabond, swindling money-digger and fortune- 
 teller, who got his living, as he called it himself, by " glass- 
 looking." This was not the kind of son-in-law fancied 
 by old Hickory Hale. Oh, no ! He would have liked 
 a steady-going, hardworking farmer, with 320 or at least 
 100 acres of good land, fine horses, cows, good house, 
 barn and stables, a family Bible and good fences. Seven 
 
Emma Marries the Peeper. 75 
 
 years after Smith's elopement with the old man's darling, 
 Emma, the wound was yet smarting ; you feel it in every 
 line of that letter of 1834. But Emma fell in love with 
 the money-digger all the same. How do you explain it? 
 Why, Emma was a country girl after all. Joe must have 
 had a certain mysterious charm for her, with his secret 
 " looking " powers, his wonderful stone and that old white 
 hat filled with dark secrets. She didn't believe in it alto- 
 gether, but still there was something out-of the-way in it, 
 it was more interesting than that absurd talk about cows 
 and bulls, corn and barley^, oxen and sheep. Father 
 wouldn't hear of her taking " that slouching, shiftless fel- 
 ler from York State," so she ran away with him. A near 
 relative of hers, a Mr. Hiel Lewis, says about that elope- 
 ment and its effect in old Isaac Hale' s house: " The Hale 
 family was greatly exasperated, and perhaps it would not 
 have been safe for Smith to have shown himself at his 
 father-in-law's house. Emma was or had been the idol or 
 favorite of the family, and they all still felt a strong 
 attachment for her, and the permission to return and re- 
 conciliation was effected and accomplished by her and per- 
 haps her sister, Mrs. Wasson, who lived near Bainbridge, 
 N. Y. The permission for Smith to return all came from 
 the other side, not from Mr. Isaac Hale or his family in 
 Harmony, Pa." * 
 
 Later on in married life Emma found out fully, no 
 doubt, that Joseph was a wretched impostor. But what 
 could she do, even if the blood of honest old Hale did 
 rebel in her veins against the continual negation of all 
 honor and truth in her husband's life and actions? Was 
 she not his wife, the mother of his children ? And then, 
 ("don't you forget it") there was a good deal of 
 womanly satisfaction in this part, too. Joseph was a 
 daring brigand, and woman has always admired and 
 loved and will always admire and love a daring brigand. 
 I have seen that in Sicily, where beautiful girls told me 
 
 *I quote from a letter of this old gentleman, most kindly furnished 
 to me by my learned friend, James T. Cobb, Esq., who has very great 
 merits in investigating the earliest history of Mormonism. The letter 
 is dated Amboy, Lee Co., 111., Sept. IT, 1879. 
 
76 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 with flaming eyes of the heroic deeds of the " Mafiosi" 
 Smith became the Lord's friend and mouthpiece, a 
 prophet, soon after his marriage ; in time the founder of 
 cities and temples, a general and mayor, a leader of the 
 people, a ruler of thousands of votes, flattered and 
 cajoled by demagogues of all parties ; his role was impor- 
 tant and to a certain degree picturesque, imposing and 
 brilliant. All that other men have to toil for was showered 
 upon him, fat living, landed property, money, jewelry, 
 good houses, fine horses, titles, honors, the admiration 
 and submission of thousands. Yes, he was a king, that 
 blue-eyed, wandering "peeper" and money-digger of 
 yore, the only king in America, forsooth ! A king and a 
 pope in one ! 
 
 Was it not nice to ride out with him, the prophet and 
 general, in a fine carriage, or dash with him on horseback 
 over the prairie, or shine on a charger at the parade of 
 the Nauvoo Legion ? Was it not fine to be the focus of 
 general admiration, to be the first lady of the kingdom, 
 yea, the queen, to have everybody greet and bow to the 
 "elect lady" of the church? 
 
 And Emma played her part well. Let our witnesses 
 take the stand : "She was tall, dark, dignified and very 
 ladylike," says one of them who knew her intimately; 
 "she was rather above the average for talent and would 
 have passed for a lady anywhere. Her education had 
 not been a careful one ; she had attended very indifferent 
 schools, but she had any amount of good, sound sense, 
 and knew how to use everything to the best advantage. 
 She loved Joseph very much, and felt most wretched over 
 his oft-recurring trespasses (see revelation of July 12, 
 1843 an d others), but she was too proud to talk about her 
 grief." 
 
 " Emma was very proud," says Mrs. P.; "pride was 
 one of her chief characteristics. She gave me to under- 
 stand that she would like to know whether Joseph had 
 any relations with other women, and I saw how unhappy 
 she felt through her well-founded jealousy ; but she 
 struggled hard to conceal the real state of her feelings, 
 and never showed it to her children. 
 
John Taylor and Napoleon III. 77 
 
 " She was very much attached to her family ; this was 
 her chief thought and care. She was capable of talking 
 about everything, but in those times all the talk turned 
 about Mormonism," says another cotemporary of the 
 "elect lady." The same witness affirms that Emma was 
 squint-eyed. But this last I prefer not to believe. Such 
 things are never true. " Her figure was very stately and 
 after Joseph's violent death, when she had overcome the 
 first shock, she looked rather fresher and stouter than 
 before. She had been too much worried by Joseph's 
 conduct with the sisters." So says another informant, an 
 old lady yet living in Salt Lake, to whom Emma once 
 said in 1846 while talking about his revelations, "It was 
 all guesswork.'" Pretty good for the wife of the greatest 
 prophet that had ever lived, and herself aiding and 
 abetting her son Joseph in still riveting the fraud minus 
 polygamy ! 
 
 It was not long after the martyrdom of her liege lord 
 that the elect lady and Attorney Woods (the last legal 
 counselor of the Lord's anointed prophet) laid their 
 heads together to reveal the exact truth about the Mormon 
 leaders and the Mormon humbug in general. For some 
 reason this most laudable design was never executed. 
 Probably because Sister Emrna saw that she could not 
 possibly make such a crushing disclosure without seriously 
 incriminating herself. At any rate, I am positively 
 informed that old lawyer Woods still holds in his pos- 
 session the material then compiled for their joint exposure 
 of Mormonism. The Times and Seasons, the church 
 organ, denied at the time that any such design existed, 
 but denials of this kind have about the same value as 
 those of my lamented friend Napoleon III., that is, they 
 prove the exact contrary of what they assert. 
 
 I am now going to intro&ice a document of the very 
 greatest importance, which will enable the reader to see 
 Joseph, Emma and the Gold Bible humbug in a kind of 
 family picture, not brilliantly drawn, but full of the color 
 of life. It is a letter from the brothers Hiel and Joseph 
 Lewis, sons of the Rev. Nathaniel Lewis, of old Harmony, 
 Pennsylvania, and all of them near relations of Emma 
 
78 Mormon Portraits. I. Joseph Smith. 
 
 Hale. It is dated Amboy, Lee County, 111., April 23, 
 1879. The original belongs to Mr. James T. Cobb, the 
 above-named pathfinder in early Mormon history. The 
 document concerns what the two gentlemen "saw and 
 heard of the sayings and doings of the Prophet Joseph 
 Smith while he was engaged in peeping for money and 
 hidden treasures and translating his Gold Bible in our 
 neighborhood, township of Harmony, Susquehannah 
 County, Pa., our home and residence being within one 
 mile of where he lived and transacted his business." 
 The most prominent citizens of the little town of Amboy, 
 the mayor, aldermen, attorneys, editors, merchants, 
 bankers, justices of the peace, etc., testify that the wit- 
 nesses are "truthful, honorable, Christian gentlemen," 
 and that "their statements are entitled to the fullest 
 credence." Here is the document : 
 
 " Some time previous to 1825,* a man by the name of Wm. Hale, 
 a distant relative of uncle Isaac Hale, came to Isaac Hale and said 
 that he had been informed by a woman by the name of Odle, who 
 claimed to possess the power of seeing under ground (such persons 
 were then commonly called peepers], that there were great treasures 
 concealed in the hill northeast from Isaac Hale's house, and by her 
 directions Wm. Hale commenced digging. But, being too lazy to 
 work and too poor to hire, he obtained a partner by the name of Oliver 
 Harper, of York State, who had the means to hire help. But after a 
 short time operations were suspended, for a time, during which Wm. 
 Hale heard of PEEPER Joseph Smith, jr., and wrote to him and soon 
 visited him, and found Smith's representations were so flattering that 
 Smith was either hired or became a partner with Wm. Hale, Oliver 
 Harper and a man by the name of Stowell,f who had some property. 
 
 * This would be, according to Mormon annals, after the time 
 when " the Father and the Son " appeared to the prophet Joseph and 
 held a conference with him. 
 
 f Lucy Smith, the mother of the prophet, and Munchhausen of 
 the family, lets a good-sized cat out of her big bag in her biography 
 of Joe. She confesses in it, umtffttingly, to all the money-digging 
 part of the prophet, and this was one of the reasons that made Brig- 
 ham put her gossipy little book on the Mormon Index librorum pro- 
 hibitorum. Munchhausen-Lucy says (pp. 91-92): "A man by the 
 name of Josiah Stoal came from Chenango County, N. Y., with the 
 view of getting Joseph to assist in digging for a silver mine. He 
 came for Joseph on account of having heard that he possessed certain 
 keys by which he could discern things invisible to the natural eye. 
 
The Lord and the White Dog. 79 
 
 They hired men and dug in several places. The account given in the 
 history of Susquehanna County, p. 580, of a pure white dog to be 
 iised as a sacrifice to restrain the enchantment ', and of the anger of the 
 Almighty at the attempt to palm off on Him a white sheep for a white 
 dog, is a fair sample of Smith's revelations, and of the God that 
 inspired him. Their digging in several places was in compliance 
 with 'Peeper' Smith's revelations, who would attend with his peep- 
 stone in his hat, and his hat drawn over his face, and tell them how 
 deep they would have to go ; and when they found no trace of the 
 chest of money, he would peep again and weep like a child, and tell 
 them that the enchantment had removed it on account of some sin, or 
 thoughtless word, and finally the enchantment became so strong that 
 he could not see, and the business was finally abandoned. Smith 
 could weep and shed tears at any time if he chose to.* > 
 
 " But while he was engaged in looking through his peep-stone 
 and old white hat, directing the digging for money, and boarding at 
 uncle Isaac Hale's, he formed an intimacy with Mr. Male's daughter, 
 and after the abandonment of the money-digging speculation, he con- 
 summated the elopement and marriage to the said Emma Hale, and 
 she became his accomplice in his humbug Golden Bible and Mormon 
 religion. 
 
 " The statement that the prophet Joseph Smith made in our hear- 
 ing at the commencement of his translating his book in Harmony, as 
 to the manner of his finding the plates, was as follows : He said that 
 by a DREAM he was informed that at such a place in a certain hill, in 
 an iron box, were some gold plates with curious engravings, which he 
 must get and translate, and write a book ; that the plates were to be 
 kept concealed from every human being for a certain time, some two 
 or three years; that he went to the place and dug till he came to the 
 stone that covered the box, when he was knocked down ; that he 
 again attempted to remove the stone, and was again knocked down. 
 This attempt was made the third time, and the third time he was 
 knocked down. Then he exclaimed: * Why can't I git it? ' or words 
 to that effec^ and then he saw a man standing over the spot, who, to 
 
 Joseph endeavored to divert him from his vain pursuit, but he was 
 inflexible in his purpose, and offered high wages to those who would 
 dig for him in search of said mine, and still insisted upon having 
 Joseph to work for him. Accordingly, Joseph and several others 
 returned with him and commenced digging. After laboring for the 
 old gentleman about a month, without success, Joseph prevailed upon 
 him to cease his operations, and it was from this circumstance of 
 having worked by the month at digging for a silver mine, that the 
 'very prevalent story arose of Joseph having been a money-digger.'-' 
 [The italics are mine.] 
 
 * Let any half-witted person compare this testimony with those of 
 Ingersoll, Chase and others, in our Appendix of Part I., and deny 
 that Joseph was the champion humbug of our time ! 
 
8o Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 him, appeared like a Spaniard [Oh, you great son of Lucy !], having 
 a long beard down over his breast to about here (Smith putting his 
 hand to the pit of his stomach], WITH His (the ghost's) THROAT CUT 
 FROM EAR TO EAR, AND THE BLOOD STREAMING DOWN,'who told 
 
 him that he could not get it alone ; that another person whom he 
 (Smith) would know at first sight must come with him, and then he 
 would get it ; and when he saw Miss Emma Hale he knew that she 
 was the person, and that after they were married she went with him to 
 near the place and stood with her back towards him while he dug 
 after the box, which he rolled up in his frock, and she helped carry 
 it home ; that in the same box with the plates were spectacles ; * the 
 bows were of gold and the eyes were stone, and by looking through 
 these spectacles all the characters on the plates were translated into 
 English. 
 
 "In all this narrative there was not one word about visions of God 
 or of angels or heavenly revelations ; all his information was by that 
 DREAM and that BLEEDING GHOST. The heavenly visions and mes- 
 sages of angels, etc., contained in Mormon books, were afterthoughts, 
 revised to order. While wSmith was in Harmony he made the above 
 statements, in our presence, to Rev. N. Lewis. It was here, also, that 
 he joined the Methodist Episcopal Church. He presented himself in 
 a very serious and humble manner, and the minister, not suspecting 
 evil, put his name on the class-book in the absence of some of the 
 official members, among whom was the undersigned, Joseph Lewis, 
 who, when he learned what was done, took with him Joshua McKune 
 and had a talk with Smith. We told him plainly that such a character 
 as he was a disgrace to the church ; that he could not be a member of 
 it unless he broke off his sins by repentance, made public confession, 
 renounced his fraudulent and hypocritical practices, and gave some 
 evidence that he intended to reform and conduct himself somewhat 
 nearer like a Christian than he had done. We gave him his choice, 
 to go before the class and publicly ask to have his name stricken from 
 the class-book, or stand a disciplinary investigation ; he chose the 
 former, and immediately withdrew his name. So his name as a 
 member of the class was on the book only three days. It was the 
 general opinion that his only object in joining the church was to 
 bolster up his reputation and gain the sympathy and help of Christians ; 
 that is, putting on the cloak of religion to serve the Devil in." 
 
 When interrogated as to the time of Joe's joining the 
 Methodist Church, Mr. Kiel Lewis wrote back that it was 
 in June, 1828. 
 
 *The celebrated " Urim and Thummim " of Mormon history. 
 One can "catch on" nicely here: Spaniards having buried treasures, 
 whether of gold or golden plates, the ghost of a Spaniard would 
 naturally have to stand guard over them, whatever the state of his 
 windpipe. 
 
A Look Into the Peeper' 's Household. 81 
 
 This disclosure will prove vastly edifying to the world in 
 general, and to Mormons in particular. Joseph, with the 
 sacred plates in his possession and while he is " translat- 
 ing" them, BECOMES A METHODIST ! ! And this, too, after 
 the Lord's (both the Father and the Son) telling him that 
 all existing religions are false and corrupt and on no 
 account to join any of them, he being the favored instru- 
 ment elected by Them v& founding the true one ! ! I think 
 tke great jury, called public opinion, Mormons included, 
 might give their verdict in the impostor's case without 
 leaving their seats. 
 
 Our letter goes on : 
 
 " We will add one more sample of his prophetic power and practice. 
 One of the neighbors, whom Smith was owing, had a piece of corn on 
 a rather wet and backward piece of ground, and as Smith was owing 
 him, he wanted Smith to help hoe corn. Smith came on, but to get 
 clear of the work and debt, said : ' If I kneel down and /ray in your 
 corn, it will grow just as well as if hoed.' So he prayed in the corn 
 and insured its maturity without cultivation, and that the frost would 
 not hurt it. But the corn was a failure in growth and killed by the 
 frost. This sample of prophetic power was related to us by those pres- 
 ent, and no one questioned its truth. "* 
 
 The "revelation on celestial marriage" is a much more 
 candid document than could be supposed. It permits us 
 to li peep " into the peeper's household. We see how he 
 tries to overcome the desperate resistance of the strong- 
 wife against let me use the exactly significant term 
 religious whoredom. What scenes must there have been 
 enacted in that prophetic household ! He begs and flat- 
 ters, thunders and threatens all in vain. Finally, he 
 
 *This startling document, which I have copied from the original 
 most carefully, is attested in the following manner: 
 
 STATE OF ILLINOIS, > 
 Lee County. f SS 
 
 I, Everett E. Chase, a Justice of the Peace in and for the County 
 of Lee, State aforesaid, do hereby certify that the above named Joseph 
 Lewis and Hiel Lewis, personally known to me to be respectable, 
 truthful and honorable men, came before me and in my presence signed 
 the above statement, and each of them before me made affidavit to 
 each and all of the allegations therein set forth according- to their best 
 memory. KYKKKTT K. CHASE, 
 
 j. p. 
 
82 Mormon Portraits, /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 changes tactics. He tells Emma, it is "all spiritual, my 
 dear." "Let us show the people " he may have said 
 "that you do look at celestial marriage in the right light, 
 by being present at such a ceremony. It means marriage for 
 the other world, and it is necessary that you should dis- 
 pel, through a fearless act of yours, the ugly rumors spread 
 everywhere. I may have sinned now and then, dearest, 
 but from now on you will see everything will be strictly 
 spiritual." 
 
 Emma, perplexed and exhausted, consents. The Par- 
 tridge girls are to be sealed to her husband in her presence. 
 "It is only a formality, deary, and will strengthen my 
 position very much," says the prophet. It was in May or 
 June, 1843, before the revelation was dictated to the 
 "pard." An elder was selected, whose talents and pro- 
 fession promised something extraordinary in the way of 
 impressive solemnity. His name^ was George J. Adams, 
 and he was a strolling player and great libertine besides. 
 He performed the sealing ceremony and all went well for 
 two or three hours. Emma found out what the word " spi- 
 ritual " really meant with that chaste husband of hers. She 
 demanded imperiously the immediate annulment of the 
 ceremony. Joseph hesitated, but the blood of old Isaac 
 Hale was up in the veins of the prophet's wife. She 
 threatened to arouse the city with a terrible display of 
 matrimonial fireworks. The Prophet had to give in. 
 Emma went on suffering what she could not prevent, but 
 her official honor as a wife was safe. She remained the 
 queen of her household instead of stooping to the role of 
 concubine. She did not go to Washington to use her 
 shame as an argument in debate. She did not write pam- 
 phlets about it, either. 
 
An Escape by Revelation. 83 
 
 THE REVELATION ON POLYGAMY. 
 
 For What Purpose it was ' ' Received " Emma Burns It 
 They " Had been Given" to Joseph The Author Visits 
 the Utah Penitentiary for Enlightenment The Caged 
 Apostle Three P Hates He ' 'Made a Business of it ' ' 
 The Scene on the Log Sketch of the History of Mormon 
 Polygamy Lots of Pure, Holy Lies Special Instructions 
 The Clerk's Affidavit The Celebrated Revelation in 
 Extenso. 
 
 The celebrated revelation on celestial marriage, dated 
 July 12, 1843, was "received" like all other "revelations" 
 for the selfish purposes of the prophet. He had, as we 
 have seen, revelations that the Saints had to feed and clothe 
 him and build him a big hotel in Nauvoo, for him and 
 his offspring for all time. Now the revelation on polyg- 
 amy was, as it confesses stupidly itself, nothing but an 
 ' l escape " out of a terrible difficulty. Emma, the proud 
 mother and wife, was worried beyond measure by Joseph's 
 conduct with the " sisters," and the prophet needed a re- 
 ligious mantle to cover his sins and quiet Emma. The 
 revelation says : 
 
 " Behold, I have seen your sacrifices and will forgive all your 
 sins .... Go, therefore, and I make a way for your escape . . . ." 
 
 But " the Lord " was not very successful in making the 
 "escape" for " Mine Anointed." Emma declared the 
 revelation to be the work of the devil, and burned the 
 original which had been shown to her. Happily for the 
 salvation of this sinful world, two copies had been pre- 
 served. The Lord said to Emma in his polite way, 
 always used by him while speaking to ladies : 
 
 " Let mine handmaid Emma Smith receive all those that have 
 been given to my servant Joseph, and who are virtuous and pure be- 
 fore me . . . ." 
 
84 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 Now that is clear enough, especially when the afore- 
 said Lord says to the same handmaid : 
 
 "And again, verily I say, let mine handmaid forgive my servant 
 Joseph his trespasses . . . ." 
 
 But it 's useless even for the Mormon Lord to talk 
 reason to an insulted wife and mother. Emma persisted 
 in her opposition to the blessings of Abraham and Jacob 
 and finally, after having left the church, declared that 
 Joseph had never lived in Polygamy. She wanted to 
 purge the memory of her martyred husband, whose wrongs 
 she had forgiven the dead while she had been unable to 
 forgive them the living sinner ; and she wanted to pro- 
 tect the good name of her sons. Can you blame her for 
 it? I can't. 
 
 But to the revelation. It is clear that Joseph con- 
 fesses in it that a certain number of " virgins " had been 
 given to him before July 12, 1843, the date of the revela- 
 tion. I now want to introduce a witness, whose testi- 
 mony will not be impeached. You may doubt an apostle 
 of the church while behind a bottle of good wine or while 
 on the stand in the tabernacle, but you cannot doubt him 
 while he is in the hands of his enemies, in vile prison, the 
 victim of the most shameful religious persecution ever en- 
 acted. Oh, Zane and Dickson, remember Pilate and his 
 present state of terrible roasting ! 
 
 It was on the most beautiful first of May I ever saw in 
 my life, that I went to the Salt Lake Penitentiary. We 
 had a fine horse and buggy, I and my excellent friend, 
 Henry Weinheimer, of Highland, 111. Marshal Ireland 
 there is another Pilate for you had given me a special 
 permit, empowering me to talk with some of the prisoners, 
 and I hereby beg to thank Mr. Ireland for his kindness, 
 declaring that I rarely met a more frank and genial man 
 than this fanatic enemy of the kingdom. We saw that 
 "penitentiary" which, in fact, is nothing but a disgust- 
 ing corral. It is well known that Brigham Young put the 
 appropriation granted by the Government into his 
 pockets, and got his slaves to build this monument of 
 shame and adobe bricks. The Warden called out the 
 
Father Lorenzo, the Mormon Jesuit. 85 
 
 apostle, Lorenzo Snow, -at our request. He came 
 
 An interesting old man, the apostle, of about seventy 
 years; narrow, rather distinguished head, lively gray 
 eyes, but face much wrinkled and of a yellowish color ; 
 manners very agreeable, talk fluent and intelligent, ex- 
 pression that of a clever Jesuit. He had been a good 
 saint since his youth. He had not intended to marry, 
 but to devote himself entirely to missionary work ; but 
 the prophet explained the new law to him, and, being 
 convinced that Joseph was a prophet, he went at it like a 
 man, and. using his own expression, "made a business of 
 it" though he contented himself with only nine wives; 
 two of them he took in one day, and four or five in three 
 or four months. 
 
 We had a very pleasant chat. The apostle has been 
 in Switzerland, England and Italy, even in Jerusalem. I 
 asked him how it was with that revelation when was it 
 that it was made known to the saints ? The apostle said : 
 "I had been away on a mission ; I returned to Nauvoo in 
 April, 1843. A friend of mine, called Sherwood, told me 
 very soon after my arrival that Joseph had married my 
 sister, Eliza R. Snow, for time and eternity, some three 
 months before [at least six months before July 12, 1843]. 
 Joseph sent for me: he wanted a private interview with 
 me. I went to him. I did not tell him that I knew of 
 his marriage with my sister; I waited till he would tell 
 me. He went with me to the shore of the Mississippi, 
 about fifty rods from his house. There we sat down on a 
 log, and there he explained to me the law on celestial 
 marriage, and told me that he had married my sister for 
 time and eternity about three months ago. I was not at 
 all surprised ; I knew that this thing was coming." 
 
 "Why did Emma Smith burn the revelation, Mr. 
 Snow?" 
 
 i 'Allow me to answer your question with another 
 question. Why did Lucifer rebel against God? Emma 
 apostatized ; she lefi the path of truth and light, and went 
 to darkness and perdition ! " 
 
 I tried to look suitably disgusted with so much 
 wickedness on the part of a wife ; and we chatted of many 
 
86 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 other things. Apostle Snow hopes that the saints will 
 soon be "on top again," and expressed a mysterious 
 expectation that " a change of government would soon 
 enable the saints to practice their religion." 
 
 Now, who is right, the imprisoned apostle who talks 
 so kindly to a " gentile dog " like me, or the Josephites, 
 who go on stating that Joseph never was in polygamy? 
 Snow tells you the thing was coming he knew that such 
 a revelation was on the way, and, by Jove, a blind man 
 must have seen it ! 
 
 This chapter would be incomplete without a bit of 
 elaborate historical analysis. If Mormon history in 
 general, as represented by Mormon sermons, books and 
 newspapers, has been one continual chain of misrepresenta- 
 tion, from 1830 to this day, the history of polygamy, has 
 been a solid little group of lies apart, like a cluster of 
 islands in an ocean of falsehood. 
 
 Up to 1852 there was no official " celestial marriage." 
 It had been denied and denied till further denial became 
 impossible. Remember that the ^revelation" was given 
 on July 12, 1843, an d that Joseph and Hyrum and many 
 of their intimate friends had taken degrees in the new 
 celestial order. The highly dramatic affidavit of Martha 
 Brotherton (see Appendix to Part I.) alone proves this, 
 and our very unctuous friend, Apostle Lorenzo Snow, 
 confirmed it in his cage. Some of the elders felt an 
 urgent necessity to unfold the glorious new gospel to the 
 world; but that wouldn't do. The Lord wanted his 
 special friends to enjoy the thrice-bolted blessings of 
 Abraham, but not the abominably rude fare of an Illinois 
 State Prison. In February, 1844, seven months after the 
 revelation, the official church organ, Times and Seasons, 
 contained the following : 
 
 NOTICE. 
 
 As we have been credibly informed that an elder of the Church of 
 Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, by the name of Hyrum Brown, has 
 been preaching polygamy and other false and corrupt doctrines in the 
 County of Lapeer and State of Michigan, this is to notify him and 
 the church in general, that he has been cut off from the church for his 
 
Lying as a Fine Art. 87 
 
 iniquity, and he is further notified to appear at the special conference, 
 on the 6th of April next, to make answer to those charges. 
 
 JOSEPH SMITH, 
 HYRUM SMITH, 
 Presidents of the Church. 
 
 This was seven months after the revelation. Now hear 
 what the present Mormon church organ has to say about 
 this official lie : 
 
 Until the open enunciation of the doctrine of celestial marriage by 
 the publication of the revelation on the subject in 1852, no elder was 
 authorized to announce it to the world. The Almighty has revealed 
 things on many occations which were for His servants and not for the 
 world. Jesus enjoined His disciples on several occasions to keep to 
 themselves principles that he made known to them. And his injunction, 
 " Cast not your pear Is before swine, lest they trample them under their 
 feet and turn again and rend you," has become as Jamiliar as a com- 
 mon proverb. In the rise of the church the Lord had occasion to 
 .admonish His servants in regard to revelations that were afterwards 
 permitted to be published : 
 
 " I say unto you, hold your peace until I shall see fit to make all 
 things known unto the world concerning this matter." 
 
 " And now I say unto you, keep these things from going abroad 
 into the world until it is expedient in me." 
 
 "But a commandment I give unto them that they shall not boast 
 themselves of these things, neither speak of them before the world, for 
 these things are given unto you for your profit and your salvation. "- 
 (Doc. & Cov.) 
 
 Under these instructions elders had no right to promulgate anything 
 but that which they were authorized to teach. And when assailed by 
 enemies and accused of practicing things which were really not coun- 
 tenanced in the church, they were justified in denying those imputa- 
 tions and at the same time avoiding the avowal of such doctrines as 
 were not yet intended for the world. This course which they have 
 taken when necessary, by commandment, is all the ground which their 
 accusers have for charging them them with falsehood. (Deseret News, 
 May 20, 1886.) 
 
 But there had been other official denials of polygamy 
 earlier than this. Our wide-awake friend, Bennett, had 
 published his book in the fall of 1842 and given away as 
 much as he could without hurting his own " dignity." 
 The "great stink" to talk with Brother Brigham 
 caused by Bennett's book was to be counteracted by the 
 perfume of innocence exhaled from this declaration in the 
 Nauvoo Times and Seasons (October i, 1842) : 
 
88 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 We, the undersigned, members of the Church of Jesus Christ of 
 Latter-day Saints and residents of the City of Nauvoo, persons of 
 family, do hereby certify and declare that we do know of no other rule 
 or system of marriage than the one published from the Book of Doc- 
 trine and Covenants, and we give this certificate to show that Dr. J. C. 
 Bennett's "secret wife system" is a creature of his own make, as we 
 know of no such society in this place nor ever did. 
 
 S. BENNETT, X. K. WHITNEY, 
 
 GEO. MILLER, ALBERT PETTY, 
 
 ALPHEUS CUTLER, ELIAS HIGKKE, 
 
 REYNOLDS CAHOON, JOHN TAYLOR, 
 
 W. WOODRUFF, E. ROBINSON. 
 
 AARON. JOHNSON. 
 
 We, the undersigned, members of the Ladies' Relief Society and 
 married females, do certify and declare that we know of no other sys- 
 tem of marriage being practiced in the Church of Jesus Christ of Lat- 
 ter-day Saints save the one contained in the Book oi Doctrine and 
 Covenants, and we give this certificate to show that J. C. Bennett's 
 " secret wife system" is a disclosure of his own make. 
 
 EMMA SMITH, 
 
 President. 
 ELIZABETH ANN WHITNEY, 
 
 Counselor. 
 SARAH M. CLEVELAND, 
 
 Counselor. 
 ELIZA R. SNOW, 
 
 Secretary. 
 
 MARY C. MILLER, CATHERINA PETTY, 
 
 Lois CUTLER, SARAH HIGHEE, 
 
 THIRZA CAHOON, PHEBE WOODRUEF, 
 
 ANN HUNTER, LEONORA TAYLOR, 
 
 JANE LA\Y, SARAH HILLMAN, 
 
 SOPHIA R. MARKS, ROSANNAH MARKS, 
 
 POLLY Z. JOHNSON, ANGELINE ROBINSON. 
 
 ABIGAIL WORKS. 
 
 Very well, now let us see what the New Testament of 
 the Mormon Bible, the "Book of Doctrine and Covenants, " 
 says about marriage. Let me illustrate this holy command 
 by a practical example of the way in which Brigham 
 Young and his long-time bosom friend, Danite John D. 
 Lee, " lived their religion:" 
 
Lee and His Thirteen Pearls. 89 
 
 BOOK OF DOCTRINE AND CONFESSION OF JOHN D. 
 COVENANTS. LEE. 
 
 " You mutually agree to be each "In 1847, while at Council 
 
 other's companion, husband and Bluffs, Brigham Young sealed me 
 
 wife, observing the legal rights be- to three women in one night, viz. : 
 
 longing to this condition; that is, my eleventh, Nancy Armstrong; 
 
 keeping yourselves wholly for each she was what we called a widow, 
 
 other and from all others during She left her first husband in Ten- 
 
 yotir lives . . .And inasmuch as nessee in order to be with the Mor- 
 
 this Church of Christ has been re- mon people ; my twelfth, Polly W. 
 
 proached with the crime of forni- Young ; my thirteenth, Louisa 
 
 cation and polygamy; we declare Young; these were two sisters 
 
 that we believe that one man should . . . Brigham said that Isaac C. 
 
 have one wife and one woman but Haight and I needed some young 
 
 one husband, except in case of women to renew our vitality, so he 
 
 death, when either is at liberty to gave us both a 'dashing young 
 
 marry again." bride ' " [one year after the Moun- 
 tain Meadows Massacre.] 
 
 You see, gentle reader, the kind of pearls that were 
 too precious to cast before the Gentile swine. Three 
 women in one night, and two of them sisters. Fine 
 pearls. They remind me forcibly of the spirited word 
 said by a young Mormon lady : ' ' Polygamy is all right 
 when properly carried out on a shovel." The young 
 lady was a daughter of " Jeddy " Grant. 
 
 But let us return to our ladies. "Ladies' relief so- 
 ciety " that sounds respectable, surely. They were all 
 true ladies, in the American sense of the word, these 
 female believers and relievers : you would suppose it, 
 since they call themselves ladies. But how is it that 
 Sister Eliza R. Snow calls herself a " married woman " on 
 October T, 1843? Apostle Lorenzo Snow, her brother, 
 my crucified friend, tells me that she had been married 
 for time and eternity, of course in the beginning of 
 1843. And how can I believe this apostle capable of 
 lying when speaking from" his cross at the penitentiary ? 
 We must suppose that there was real marriage between 
 sweet Eliza and Joseph before 1843 without any more 
 impressive ceremony than that little extempore blessing by 
 Emma's broomstick. But how about the other " ladies? " 
 Hear Mrs. Sarah M. Pratt : 
 
90 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 " Emma Smith, whom Joseph made lead a life of 
 misery through his infidelities, had founded the relief 
 society for the purpose of spying her husband. At least 
 Joseph often said so. Elizabeth Ann Whitney, the 
 second 'lady, 1 had been seduced by Joseph; he seduced 
 her daughter, too. Sarah M. Cleveland, the third l lady,' 
 was the same who, as I have told you, kept a kind of 
 assignation house for the prophet and Eliza R. Snow 
 you know her." As to the rest of the ladies, fifteen in 
 number, Mrs. Pratt states chat the prophet had seduced 
 most of them before the date of the declaration, October 
 i, i842. "He had a terrible influence over women," 
 says Mrs. Pratt. "Many pure and good women, who 
 never would have fallen, became his victims through his 
 prophetic pretensions, and I myself [with a slight shudder 
 at the remembrance] was perhaps only saved from his 
 clutches through my devoted love for my husband who at 
 that time was my all, and I his." 
 
 But leaving aside the private character of our ladies, 
 what does the passage referred to by them in the " Doc- 
 trine and Covenants" mean but the strictest injunction 
 of monogamy? " Keep yourselves wholly for each other 
 and from all others during your lives." Is this not most 
 pointed and exact ? And the scathing denunciation of 
 all such as shall teach that it is right for any man to have 
 more than one wife living at the same time, comparing 
 such a preacher to Cain, the first murderer,* what, I 
 repeat it, does it all mean ? Is not the very citing of such 
 an article of marital faith and practice, 4; Keeping your- 
 self wholly for each other and from all other during your 
 lives," to brand with infamy ANY other rule or system of 
 marriage ? 
 
 * Times and Seasons, p. 715 (November, 1844): The law of the 
 land and the rules of the church do not allow one man to have MORE 
 THAN ONE WIFE ALIVE AT ONCE, but if any man's wife die he has a 
 right to marry another and to be sealed to both for eternity, to the liv- 
 ing and the dead. This is ALL THE SPIRITUAL WIFE SYSTEM THAT 
 EVER WAS TOLERATED IN THE CHURCH. And Times and Seasons, 
 p. 888 (May i, 1845) : F r once ^ et us sa X tliat CAIN who went to 
 Nod and taught the DOCTRINE OF A PLURALITY OF WIVES and the 
 giants who practised the same INIQUITY. 
 
The Broomstick Poetess and the Ladies. 91 
 
 But no, the " ladies " did not lie. Hear the church 
 organ of May 20, 1886 : 
 
 " So with that spiritual wife doctrine which lustful men attempted 
 to promulgate at that period. Joseph the prophet was just as much 
 opposed to that false doctrine as any one could be. It was a counter- 
 feit. The true and divine order is another thing. The errors which 
 those ladies who signed the affidavits declared were not known to 
 them as doctrines of the church, were not, are not, and never w r ill be 
 part of the creed of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. 
 They were conscientious in their statements. Joseph and Hyrum were 
 consistent in their action against the false doctrines of polygamy and 
 spiritual wifeism, instigated by the devil and advocated by men who 
 did not comprehend sound doctrine nor the purity of the celestial 
 marriage which God revealed for the holiest of purposes." 
 
 You see how it was. The "ladies'" denial went 
 against the counterfeit of the real pearls, of which 
 Brother Brigham gave three big specimens to Brother 
 Lee in one night " for the holiest of purposes." Lee was 
 then thirty-five, and did not need yet the holiest of all 
 holy purposes, the renewal of his vitality. That came 
 later, when Brigham wanted to reward his fellow hyena 
 for the "holy and pure" job done at the Mountain 
 Meadows.* 
 
 Let us see another link in the chain of denials fur- 
 nished by the happy proprietors of whole strings of 
 gospel pearls. No pearls for the swine in 1842 and 1843. 
 In July, 1845, another denial. Apostle Parley P. Pratt, 
 who had several wives at that time, denounced polygamy 
 in a public card as a "doctrine of devils and seducing 
 spirits, but another name for whoredom, wicked and 
 unlawful connection, confusion and abomination." Very 
 good, Brother Parley. That's what polygamy really is. 
 But marrying three women in one night and occupying 
 with mother and daughter the same bed, that belongs to 
 
 * Historian Stenhouse touchingly refers in his " Rocky Mountain 
 Saints " to the ".vast energy and benevolence " of the prophet Joseph. 
 Of his benevolence, especially towards his "sisters" and " daughters," 
 there remains no doubt, but his energy, vast as that must have been, 
 seems less than that of John D. Lee, though we have no precise data 
 from the prophet Joseph's pen, as we have from Lee's, in his little 
 Harem -Almanac, page 289 of his priceless and dreadful book. 
 
92 Mormon Portraits. I. Joseph Smith. 
 
 the "pearl" department of sound doctrine and the 
 purity of celestial marriage, revealed by the " pard " 
 for the " holiest of purposes." Of a truth there is 
 nothing ASIATIC in it. Any savage Asiatic would blush 
 at such "purity! " Why do I speak of Asiatic? Let 
 the News answer : 
 
 " Polygamy, in the ordinary and ASIATIC sense of the term, never 
 was and is not now a tenet of the Latter-day Saints. That which 
 Joseph and Hyrum denounced, and for preaching which without 
 authority an elder was cut off the church in Nauvoo, was altogether 
 different to the order of celestial marriage including a plurality of 
 wives, which forms the subject of the revelation." 
 
 But we have yet another apostolic denial furnished by 
 John Taylor, at a public discussion with some Eng- 
 lish Reverends in Boulogne, France, July. 1850. Says 
 Apostle Taylor : 
 
 " We are accused here of polygamy and actions the most indelicate, 
 obscene and disgusting, such as none but a corrupt heart could have 
 contrived. These things are too outrageous to admit of belief. There- 
 fore I shall content myself by reading our views of chastity and 
 marriage from a work published by its, containing some articles of 
 our faith." 
 
 Taylor then read the very article of the Doctrine and 
 Covenants quoted by the eighteen ladies eight years before 
 1850. And. how deep did he stick himself in " celestial " 
 mud at this very moment ? Let me quote the statement of 
 a Mormon Elder, who is privy to many of the secrets of 
 this "Church." He says : 
 
 " At the very time that Taylor denied the facts in France by read- 
 ing from the Doctrine and Covenants, he had TEN women as wives 
 he took the tenth woman in 1847 or 1848, and she was actually his 
 thirteenth woman. Three had left him. In order that your readers 
 may know that I only write the truth in this respect, I will name -those 
 whom I recollect and have seen, as follows: Leonora (Cannon) 
 Taylor, his first wife; Elizabeth Kaighn, her cousin; Mary Rams- 
 bottom, called Moss; Miss Ballintyne, Annie Ballintyne, Miss Oakley, 
 Harriet Whitaker, Sophia Whitaker, and two others whose names I 
 forget one, I think was a Mrs. Gillam, whom I have seen. Thus, 
 from 1843, when the pseudo revelation was given, to 1847 four years 
 he had thirteen women sealed to him, and ten whom he still owned 
 when he told the huge lie in France. John Pack and Curtis E. Bolton, 
 who were his companion elders in the discussion, heard the denial and 
 
History of Celestial Debauchery. 93 
 
 sanctioned this utterance and course they were polygamists then 
 also." 
 
 And let me add one well-known fact : While John 
 Taylor, the husband of ten wives, was denying polygamy, 
 he was even then courting a young English woman, no 
 doubt for the holiest of purposes, and tried to rob a friend 
 of his, an Elder, of his promised wife. Isn't it a whole 
 bushel of pearls? But everything must have an end, even 
 the endless lying of the Mormon leaders. It was in the 
 fall of 1852 when Brigham Young decided to let the 
 celestial " cat out of the bag," as he said. His clown, 
 Heber C. Kimball, announced the same event to his 
 friends by saying that "the cat would have kittens.' 7 I 
 have this from people who heard it themselves. And, sure 
 enough, cat and kittens play now right lustily in the open 
 sunlight in the columns of the church organ. The 
 "Church" now concedes that Joseph knew the Abra- 
 hamic scheme of his " pard " already in 1831 or 1832. 
 Hear the News again : 
 
 The revelation on celestial marriage, published [NOW] in the Doc- 
 trine and Covenants, was given July 1 2, 1 843. The principles it contains, 
 with further intelligence on the same subject, were revealed to the 
 Prophet many years before, but not formulated in writing for the 
 church. Acting under instructions from the Lord, the prophet had 
 several wives sealed to him before the date of that revelation. There 
 are other matters spoken of in the revelation that pertained to the 
 time when it was written, showing that the statement in the heading, 
 as it appears in the book, is correct ; namely, that the revelation was 
 given on that date, although the doctrines it contains were known and 
 had been acted upon under special instructions previous to that date. 
 
 Apostle Orson Pratt, the great champion of polygamy 
 he married nearly all his servant girls for the holiest of 
 purposes and made a martyr of one of the brightest and 
 best wives and mothers Apostle Pratt said in 1878, in a 
 public sermon, that Joseph had received "revelations" 
 upon that principle as early as 1831 and had wives sealed 
 to him as early as April 1841.* That pearl business 
 began early, you see. I think myself that the principle 
 was made known to this anointed oil-bottle-prophet at 
 
 " *Deseret News, November 23, 1878, 
 
94 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 the age of puberty, if not earlier ! What do you see here, 
 people of the Great Republic, but organized secret crime 
 and most infamous lying? Didn't I say from the outset 
 that the Mormon leaders were enemies of the Mormon 
 people ? Am I right or wrong ? I said it because every- 
 where I have found the masses of people honest, nor shall 
 I make an exception of Mormon masses. I am not pre- 
 pared to believe, I do not believe, that these Mormon 
 masses sustain their leaders in deliberate lying. Simply 
 they are ignorant must be ignorant of the true char- 
 acter of their leaders, past and present. But if they only 
 knew how terribly funny they are, those priestly chaps ! 
 Whenever Joseph seduced a servant girl of his, or an 
 adopted daughter, whenever he stole away from Emma's, 
 the peacefully slumbering mother's side, to enjoy an 
 adventure worthy of the pen of Boccaccio or Bandello, 
 he always acted under " special instructions" of the Lord. 
 It was under those special instructions that he made a 
 pitiable wreck of Emma's wedded life. It was the same 
 kind Lord, I suppose, who sent Dr, Bennett to Nau- 
 voo with that instrument, which the handy doctor could 
 clap into his coat sleeve, when any of Joseph's women 
 "were in trouble !" Oh, most ingenious and generous of 
 all"pards!" Oh, most anointed and anointing of all 
 prophets ! Oh, most credulous and docible of all peoples! 
 Has there ever been such a sinister farce in all history ? 
 
 Let me present now an affidavit of Wm. Clayton, who 
 was the confidential clerk of Joseph in Nauvoo. Mrs. 
 Pratt says that he was a brute and a drunkard, and that 
 may readily explain his elevation to such an important 
 position. The affidavit appeared for the first time in that 
 very same memorable number of the Deseret News, May 
 20, 1886. The reader will see that it confirms all my 
 statements. Cat and kittens are all on my side. Clay- 
 ton's affidavit is dated February 16, 1874. Clayton him- 
 self is dead since four or five years. 
 
 WILLIAM CLAYTON'S TALE. 
 
 " Inasmuch as it may be interesting to future genera- 
 tions of the members of the Church of Jesus Christ of 
 
A Walk With the Prophet. 95 
 
 Latter-day Saints to learn something of the first teachings 
 of the principle of plural marriage by President Joseph 
 Smith, the prophet, seer, revelator and translator of said 
 church, I will give a short relation of facts which occurred 
 within my personal knowledge, and also matters related 
 to me by President Joseph Smith. 
 
 "I was employed as a clerk in President Joseph 
 Smith's office, under Elder Willard Richards, and com- 
 menced to labor in the office on the loth day of February, 
 
 1842. I continued to labor with Elder Richards until he 
 went East to fetch his wife to Nauvoo. 
 
 " After Elder Richards started East, I was necessarily 
 thrown constantly into the company of President Smith, 
 having to attend to his public and private business, re- 
 ceiving and recording tithings and donations, attending 
 to land and other matters of business. During this period 
 I necessarily became well acquainted with Emma Smith, 
 the wife of the prophet Joseph, and also with the children 
 Julia M. (an adopted daughter), Joseph, Frederick and 
 Alexander very much of the business being transacted 
 at the residence of the prophet. 
 
 "On the yth of October, 1842, in the presence of 
 Bishop Newel K. Whitney and his wife, Elizabeth Ann, 
 President Joseph Smith appointed me temple recorder, 
 and also his private clerk, placing all records, books, 
 papers, etc., in my care, and requiring me to take charge 
 of and preserve them, his closing words being, ' When I 
 have any revelations to write, you are the one to write 
 them.' 
 
 "During this period the prophet Joseph frequently 
 visited my house in my company, and became well 
 acquainted with my wife, Ruth, to whom I had been 
 married five years. One day in the month of February, 
 
 1843, date not remembered, the prophet invited me to 
 walk with him. During our walk he said he had learned 
 that there was a sister back in England to whom I was 
 very much attached. I replied there was, but nothing 
 further than an attachment such as a brother and sister 
 in the church might rightfully entertain for each other. 
 He then said : ' Why don't you send for her? ' I replied : 
 
96 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith, 
 
 'In the first place, I have no authority to send for her, 
 and if I had, I have not the means to pay expenses.' To 
 this he answered : ' I give you authority to send for her, 
 and I will furnish you the means/ which he did. This 
 was the first time the prophet Joseph talked with me on 
 the subject of plural marriage. He informed me that the 
 doctrine and principle was right in the sight of our 
 heavenly Father, and that it was a doctrine which per- 
 tained to celestial order and glory. After giving me 
 lengthy instructions and information concerning the 
 doctrine of celestial or plural marriage, he concluded his 
 remarks by the words, ' It is your privilege to have all 
 the wives you want.' After this introduction our con- 
 versations on the subject of plural marriage were very fre- 
 quent, and he appeared to take particular pains to inform 
 and instruct me in respect to the principle. He also in- 
 formed me that he had other wives living besides his first 
 wife Emma, and in particular gave me to understand that 
 Eliza R. Snow, Louisa Beaman, Desdemona C. Fullmer 
 and others, were hisjawful wives in the sight of Heaven. 
 
 "On the ayth of April, 1843, tne Prophet Joseph 
 Smith married to me Margaret Moon, for time and 
 eternity, at the residence of Elder Heber C. Kimball, and 
 on the 22d of July, 1843, ne married to me, according to 
 the order of the church, my first wife Ruth. 
 
 " On the ist day of May, 1843, ^ officiated in the orifice 
 of an elder by marrying Lucy Walker to the Prophet Joseph 
 Smith, at his own residence. 
 
 "During this period the Prophet Joseph took several 
 other wives. Amongst the number I well remember Eliza 
 Partridge, Emily Partridge, Sarah Ann Whitney, Helen 
 Kimball and Flora Woodworth. These all, he acknowl- 
 edged to me, were his lawful, wedded wives, according 
 to the celestial order. His wife Emma was cognizant of 
 the fact of some, if not all of these being his wives, and 
 she generally treated them very kindly. 
 
 " On the morning of the i2th of July, 1843, Joseph 
 and Hyrum Smith came into the office in the upper story 
 of the ' brick store,' on the bank of the Mississippi river.. 
 They were talking on the subject of plural marriage. Hjr- 
 
Emma Acts Like Lucifer. 97 
 
 rum said to Joseph, ' If you will write the revelation 
 on Celestial Marriage, I will take and read it to Emma, 
 and I believe I can convince her of its truth, and you will 
 hereafter have peace.' Joseph smiled and remarked, 
 1 You do not know Emma as well as I do.' Hyrum re- 
 marked, ' The doctrine is so plain, I can convince any 
 reasonable man or woman of its truth, purity and heavenly 
 origin,' or words to their effect. Joseph then said, 'Well, 
 I will write the revelation and we will see.' He then re- 
 quested me to get paper and prepare to write. Hyrum 
 very urgently requested Joseph to write the revelation by 
 means of the Urim and Thummim, but Joseph in reply 
 said he did not need to, for he knew the revelation per- 
 fectly from beginning to end. 
 
 ' 'Joseph and Hyrum then sat down and Joseph com- 
 menced to dictate the revelation on Celestial Marriage, 
 and 1 wrote it, sentence by sentence, as he dictated. After 
 the whole was written, Joseph asked me to read it through, 
 slowly and carefully, which I did, and he pronounced it 
 correct. He then remarked that there was much more 
 that he could write, on the same subject, but what was 
 written was sufficient for the present. 
 
 "Hyrum then took the revelation to read to Emma. 
 Joseph remained with me in the office until Hyrum returned. 
 When he came back Joseph asked him how he had suc- 
 ceeded. Hyrum replied that he had never received a 
 more severe talking to in his life, that Emma was very 
 bitter and full of resentment and anger. 
 
 "Joseph quietly remarked, 'I told you you did not 
 know Emma as well as I did.' Joseph then put the reve- 
 lation in his pocket, and they both left the office. 
 
 " The revelation was read to several of the authorities 
 during the day. Towards evening Bishop Newell K. 
 Whitney asked Joseph if he had any objections to his 
 taking a copy of the revelation ; Joseph replied that he 
 had not, and handed it to him. It was carefully copied 
 the following day by Joseph C. Kingsbury. Two or three 
 days after the revelation was written Joseph related to me 
 and several others that Emma had so teased and urgently 
 entreated him for the privilege of destroying it, that he 
 
98 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 became so weary of her teasing, and to get rid of her 
 annoyance, he told her she might destroy it and she had 
 done so, but he had consented to her wish in this matter 
 to pacify her, realizing that he knew the revelation per- 
 fectly, and could rewrite it at any time if necessary. 
 
 " The copy made by Joseph C. Kingsbury is a true and 
 correct copy of the original in every respect. The copy 
 was carefully preserved by Bishop Whitney, and but few 
 knew of its existence until the temporary location of the 
 Camp of Israel at Winter Quarters, on the Missouri River, 
 in 1846, 
 
 " After the revelation on celestial marriage was written 
 Joseph continued his instructions, privately, on the doc- 
 trine, to myself and others, and during the last year of his 
 life we were scarcely ever together, alone, but he was talk- 
 ing on the subject, and explaining that doctrine and princi- 
 ples connected with it. He appeared to enjoy great liberty 
 and freedom in his teachings, and also to find great relief 
 in having a few to whom he could unbosom his feelings on 
 that great and glorious subject. 
 
 " From him I learned that the doctrine of plural and 
 celestial marriage is the most holy and important doctrine 
 ever revealed to man on the earth, and that without obe- 
 dience to that principle no person can ever attain to the 
 fulness of exaltation in celestial glory. 
 
 [Signed] WILLIAM CLAYTON. 
 
 " SALT LAKE CITY, February i6th, 1874." 
 
 Lots of pearls in that oily document. The prophet 
 invites his clerk to a walk. Who knows whether they 
 didn't sit down on the identical log on which he sat with 
 Brother Lorenzo? That log was there for the holiest of 
 purposes, no doubt. And now look how the prophet 
 " tackles " his disciple. It reads like the talk of the ser- 
 pent to mother Eve. There is a sister "back in England," 
 whom Clayton, the married man, doth covet, but only for 
 the holiest of purposes, to be sure. Joseph gives him 
 "authority" to send for the girl. This he does as the 
 Lord's anointed prophet. He then agrees to pay the 
 expenses of the girl's trip; and this, of course, he would 
 
Broomstick, Poker and Tongs. 99 
 
 do as trustee-in-trust of the church funds. Finally, as the 
 very " buckler of Jehovah," as he used to vaunt himself, 
 he explodes a whole bombshell of patriarchal blessings in 
 the ear of his staggering scribe : "It is your privilege to 
 have all the wives you want." Ah, glorious! Under the 
 sky of hospitable Illinois, in the face of modern civiliza- 
 tion, in the teeth of the salutary moral laws of a noble 
 commonwealth, the conspirator recruits accomplices of 
 his secret ififamies by appealing to the basest passions of 
 his associates. 
 
 The woman " back in England" comes to Nauvoo 
 and Joseph seals her to Clayton. Then perhaps after a 
 little broomstick-episode Ruth, the lawful wife of the 
 clerk, gets sealed to him. We are soon in a very platoon- 
 fire of sealing : I seal you, you seal me, we seal each 
 other. The revelation says that Joseph alone has the 
 sealing power but that's nothing ; the "pard " doesn't 
 mind such petty details where the holiest of purposes are 
 on stake. 
 
 But now, how is this ? Emma knew that other women 
 were married to her husband and treated them "very 
 kindly." You must be joking, Brother Clayton. Emma 
 has no appreciation of your pearls and holy purposes. 
 Would she have given Hyrum such a terrible raking 
 down, would she have burned the revelation if she cared 
 the snap of her haughty finger for them ? You are de- 
 cidedly mistaken, Brother Clayton. Sister Emma stands 
 to the "law of Sarah (!)," firm as a rock, on the broom- 
 stick standpoint. If she ever changed in this respect, it 
 was from broomstick to poker and tongs, but to nothing 
 else. " If any of the elders preaches polygamy to you, 
 get hold of a poker or a pair of tongs, sisters, and drive 
 the fellow away . ' ' That was a plain little speech of the 
 Elect Lady in one of the meetings of the "Ladies' Relief 
 Society." The fact is simply this, Brother Clayton : Your 
 statement was concocted to show to the world in general, 
 and to refractory Mormon wives in particular, that the 
 first of all "first wives," the Eve of celestial marriage, 
 liked the harem business awfully well after all. But your 
 lie is clumsy, Elder Clayton, and you contradict it yourself. 
 
ioo Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 Clayton's statement proves the truth of what the 
 enemies of the Church have always affirmed. This silly 
 humbug of a revelation was gotten up to pacify and if 
 need be, terrify Emma into submission. Hyrum is the 
 official busybody and go-between in this attempt at celes- 
 tial reconciliation. "You will hereafter have peace," 
 says that excellent brother and brother-in-law. But he 
 insists on getting for the Prophet the old white hat and 
 the peepstone for this holiest of purposes. Clayton puts 
 it finer ; he speaks solemnly of the "Urim and Thummim," 
 Lucy - Munchhausen's "two smooth three-cornered 
 diamonds set in glass, and the glasses set in silver bows 
 which were connected with each other in much the same 
 way as old-fashioned spectacles." * Emma Smith says, 
 on her death bed, that he dictated "sitting with his face 
 buried in his hat, with the stone in it."f 'Twas just 
 the old peepstone and nothing else. 
 
 But poor Hyrum ! He put his brotherly hand in a 
 wasp-nest when he read that stuff to Emma. Good 
 heavens, she didn't treat him " very kindly ! " And those 
 curtain-lectures to the anointed of the Lord ! My servant 
 Joseph was in an awful fix. The " pard" must have been 
 dreadfully angry at that woman, much more wrathy than 
 he was over the white dog affair ; but there was no con- 
 vincing u mine handmaid " of the genuine value of the 
 pearls. So the new Abraham had to eat crow. The rest 
 was silence as to celestial law in Emma's house; "my 
 house is a house of order," she says to Joseph, and 
 "the ruler over many things" has to stop "the works 
 of Abraham ' ' in her house. But there was, for the 
 holiest of purposes, that blessed log by the river, a fur- 
 long away from the " brick store " and from the ears of 
 mine elect handmaid, Mrs. Emma Caudle. There, seated 
 on the log (and just as easy as rolling off it), could they re- 
 ceive and impart revelations. There could these godly 
 brigands talk unmolested about their boundless " privi- 
 leges;" about " all the women they wanted," and they 
 wanted ALL the women ! 
 
 '*" Joseph the Prophet," p. 107. 
 fTullidge, " Life of Joseph," p. 793. 
 
Polygamy or Damnation. 101 
 
 Let me finish this chapter with a reproduction of the 
 revelation on the " most holy and important doctrine ever 
 revealed to man." 
 
 I may hope that with the aid of notes and comments 
 this tedious document may prove intelligible if not 
 amusing : 
 
 CELESTIAL MARRIAGE. 
 
 A Revelation on the Patriarchal Order of Matrimony, or 
 Plurality of Wives, Given to Joseph Smith, the Seer, 
 in Nauvoo, July 12, 1843. 
 
 1. Verily, thus saith the Lord unto you, my servant 
 Joseph, that inasmuch as you have inquired of my hand, 
 to know and understand wherein I, the Lord, justified my 
 servants Abraham, Isaac* and Jacob, as also Moses (?), 
 David and Solomon, my servants, as touching the prin- 
 ciple and doctrine of their having many wives and concu- 
 bines: Behold ! and lo, I am the Lord thy God, and will 
 answer thee as touching this matter : Therefore, prepare 
 thy heart to receive and. obey the instructions which I am 
 about to give unto you ; for all those who have this law 
 revealed unto them must obey the same ; for behold ! I 
 reveal unto you a new and an everlasting covenant, and if 
 ye abide not that covenant, then are ye damned ; for no 
 one can reject this covenant and be permitted to enter 
 into my glory ; for all who will have a blessing at my 
 hands shall abide the law which was appointed for that 
 blessing, and the conditions thereof, as was instituted from 
 before the foundation of the world ; and as pertaining to 
 the new and everlasting covenant, it was instituted for the 
 fulness of my glory; and he that receiveth a fulness 
 thereof, must and shall abide the law, or he shall be 
 damned, saith the Lord God. 
 
 2. And, verily, I say unto you, that the conditions of 
 
 *Isaac was the model for all polygamists, he had only one wife. 
 
102 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 this law are these: All covenants, contracts, bonds, 
 obligations, oaths, vows, performances, connections, asso- 
 ciations or expectations, that are not made and entered 
 into and sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise, of him 
 who is anointed, both as well for time and for all eternity, 
 and that too most holy, by revelation and commandment, 
 through the medium of mine anointed, whom I have 
 appointed on the earth to hold this power (and I have 
 appointed unto my servant Joseph to hold this power in 
 the last days, and there is never but one on the earth at a 
 time on whom this power and the keys of this priesthood 
 are conferred), are of no efficacy, virtue or force* in and 
 after the resurrection from the dead; for all contracts 
 that are not made unto this end, have an end when men 
 are dead. 
 
 3. Behold ! mine house is a house of order, saith the 
 Lord God, and not a house of confusion. Will I accept 
 of an offering, saith the Lord, that is not made in my 
 name ! Or, will I receive at your hands that which I 
 have not appointed ! And will I appoint unto you, saith 
 the Lord, except it be by law, even as I and my Father 
 ordained unto you before the world was ! I am the Lord 
 thy God, and I give unto you this commandment, that 
 no man shall come unto the Father but by me, or by my 
 word, which is my law, saith the Lord ; and everything 
 that is in the world, whether it be ordained of men, by 
 thrones, or principalities, or powers, or things of name, 
 whatsoever they may be, that are not by me, or by my 
 word, saith the Lord, shall be thrown down, and shall 
 not remain after men are dead, neither in nor after the 
 resurrection, saith the Lord your God ; for whatsoever 
 things remaineth are by me, and whatsoever things are 
 not by me shall be shaken and destroyed. 
 
 4. Therefore, if a man marry him a wife in the world, 
 and he marry her not by me, nor by my word, and he 
 covenant with her so long as he is in the world, and she, 
 with him, their covenant and marriage is not of force 
 
 * What does this make of all earth's marriages ? No wonder so 
 many Mormon elders have robbed Gentiles of their " time" wives 
 "for all eternity ! " 
 
Wretched Bachelor Angels. 103 
 
 when they are dead, and when they are out of the world ; 
 therefore, they are not bound by any law when they are 
 out of the world ; therefore, when they are out of the 
 world they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but 
 are appointed angels in heaven ; which angels are minis- 
 tering servants, to minister for those who are worthy of a 
 iar more, and an exceeding, and an eternal weight of 
 glory ; for these angels did ' not abide my law, therefore 
 they cannot be enlarged, but remain separately and 
 singly, without exaltation, in their saved condition, to all 
 eternity, and from henceforth are not Gods, but are angels 
 of God for ever and ever. 
 
 5. And again, verily I say unto you if a man marry a 
 wife, and make a covenant with her for time and for all 
 eternity, if that covenant is not by me or by my word, 
 which is my law, and is not sealed by the Holy Spirit of 
 promise, through him whom I have anointed and appointed 
 unto this power, then it is not valid, neither of force 
 when they are out of the world, because they are not 
 joined by me, saith the Lord God, neither by my word ; 
 when they are out of the world, it cannot be received 
 there, because the angels and the Gods are appointed 
 there, by whom they cannot pass ; they cannot, therefore, 
 inherit my glory, for my house is a house of order, saith 
 the Lord God. 
 
 6. And again, verily I say unto you, if a man marry a 
 wife by my word, which is my law, and by the new and 
 everlasting covenant, and it is sealed unto them by the 
 Holy Spirit of promise, by him who is anointed, unto 
 whom I have appointed this power, and the keys of this 
 priesthood, and it shall be said unto them, ye shall come 
 forth in the first resurrection, and if it be after the first 
 resurrection, in the next resurrection, and shall inherit 
 thrones, kingdoms, principalities, and powers of domin- 
 ions, all heights, and depths then shall it be written in 
 the Lamb's Book of Life, that he shall commit no murder 
 whereby to shed innocent blood ; and if ye abide in my 
 covenant, and commit no murder, whereby to shed inno- 
 cent blood, it shall be done unto them in all things 
 whatsoever my servant hath put upon them, in time and 
 
iO4 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 through all eternity, and shall be of full force when they 
 are out of the world ; and they shall pass by the angels, 
 and the Gods, which are set there, to their exaltation 
 and glory in all things, as hath been sealed upon their 
 heads, which glory shall be a fulness and a continuation 
 of the seeds for ever and ever. 
 
 7. Then shall they be Gods, because they have no end; 
 therefore shall they be from everlasting to everlasting, 
 because they continue ; then shall they be above all, 
 because all things are subject unto them. Then shall 
 they be Gods, because they have all power, and the 
 angels are subject unto them. 
 
 8. Verily, verily I say unto you, except ye abide my 
 law, ye cannot attain to this glory ; for strait is the gate, 
 and narrow the way that leadeth unto the exaltation and 
 continuation of the lives, and few there be that find it, 
 because ye receive me not in the world, neither do ye 
 know me. But if ye receive me in the world, then shall 
 ye know me, and shall receive your exaltation, that where 
 I am, ye shall be also. This is eternal LIVES, to know the 
 only wise and true God, and Jesus Christ whom he hath 
 sent. I am He. Receive ye, therefore, my law.* Broad 
 is the gate and wide the way that leadeth to death ; and 
 many there are that go in thereat, because they receive 
 me not, neither do they abide in my law. 
 
 9. Verily, verily I say unto you, if a man marry a 
 wife according to my word, and they are sealed by the 
 Holy Spirit of promise, according to mine appointment, 
 and he or she shall commit any sin or transgression of the 
 new and everlasting covenant whatever, and all manner of 
 blasphemies, and if they commit no murder, wherein they 
 shed inncent blood, yet they shall come forth in the first 
 resurrection, and enter into their exaltation ; but they 
 shall be destroyed in the flesh, and shall be delivered unto 
 the buffetings of Satan unto the day of redemption, 
 saith the Lord God. 
 
 10. The blasphemy against the Holy Ghost, which 
 shall not be forgiven in the world, nor out of the world, 
 
 * " I AM HE ! RECEIVE YE THEREFORE MY LAW." This is the 
 vertical point of Mormon blasphemy. 
 
The Works of Abraham. 105 
 
 is in that ye commit murder, wherein ye shed innocent 
 blood, and assent unto my death, after ye have received 
 my new and everlasting covenant, saith the Lord God, 
 and he that abideth not this law can in in no wise enter 
 into my glory, but shall be damned, saith the Lord. 
 
 11. I am the Lord thy God, and will give unto thee 
 the law of my Holy Priesthood, as was ordained by me 
 and my father, before the world was. Abraham received 
 all things, whatsoever he received, by revelation and com- 
 mandment, by my word, saith the Lord, and hath entered 
 into his exaltation, and sitteth upon his throne. 
 
 12. Abraham received promises concerning his seed, 
 and of the fruit of his loins -from whose loins ye* are, 
 namely, my servant Joseph which were to continue so long 
 as they were in the world ; and as touching Abraham and 
 his seed, out of the world, they shall continue ; both in 
 the world and out of the world should they continue as 
 innumerable as the stars; or if ye were to count the sand 
 upon ths sea-shore, ye could not number them. This 
 promise is yours also, because ye are of Abraham, and the 
 promise was made unto Abraham ; and by this law are 
 the continuation of the works of my Father, wherein He 
 glorifieth himself. Go ye, therefore, and do the works of 
 Abraham ; enter ye into my law, and ye shall be saved. 
 But it ye enter not into my law r , ye cannot receive the 
 promises of my Father, which He made unto Abraham. 
 
 13. God commanded Abraham, and Sarah gave Ha- 
 gar to Abraham to wife.f And why did she do it ? Because 
 this was the law, and from Hagar sprang many people. 
 This, therefore, was fulfilling, among other things, the 
 promises. Was Abraham, therefore, under condemnation ? 
 Verily, I say unto you, Nay; for I, the Lord, commanded 
 
 * Ye is Joseph. 
 
 f Joe's inspired translation and correction of the Holy Scriptures, 
 Genesis, i6th chapter, runs, " God does not acknowledge Hagar as 
 Abram's wife." Joe's inspired Bible correction "was begun in June, 1830, 
 and finished July 2, 1833." It was Rigdon's work. The Lord (we are 
 told) revealed polygamy to Joe as early as 1831. At that time He does 
 not acknowledge Hagar as Abram's wife. He does, though, on the 
 1,2th July, 1843 "f r I tne L rd commanded" that Sarah give Hagar 
 to Abraham to wife. Who forgets? Does Joe, or his " pard ? " 
 
io6 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 it. Abraham was commanded to offer his son Isaac ; 
 nevertheless, it was written, Thou shalt not kill. Abra- 
 ham, however, did not refuse, and it was accounted unto 
 him for righteousness. 
 
 14. Abraham received concubines, and they bare him 
 children, and it was accounted unto him for righteous- 
 ness, because they were given unto him, and he abode in 
 my law; as Isaac also, and Jacob did none other things 
 than that which they were commanded ; and because they 
 did none other things than that which they were com- 
 manded, they have entered into their exaltation, according 
 to the promises, and sit upon thrones, and are not angels, 
 but are Gods. David also received many wives and 
 concubines, as also Solomon, and Moses my servant, as 
 also many others of my servants, from the beginning of 
 creation until this time ; and in nothing did they sin, 
 save in those things which they received not of me. 
 
 15. David's wives and concubines were given unto 
 him, of me, by the hand of Nathan, my servant, and 
 others of the prophets who had the keys of this power ; 
 and in none of these things did he sin against me, save 
 in the case of Uriah and his wife ; and therefore he hath 
 fallen from his exaltation and received his portion, and he 
 shall not inherit them out of the world, for I gave them 
 unto another, saith the Lord. 
 
 1 6. I am the Lord thy God, and I gave unto thee my 
 servant Joseph, an appointment, and restore all things ; 
 ask what ye will, and it shall be given unto you, accord- 
 ing to my word : and as ye have asked concerning adul- 
 tery * verily, verily I say unto you, if a man receiveth 
 a wife in the new and everlasting covenant, and if she be 
 with another man, and I have not appointed unto her by 
 the holy anointing, f she hath committed adultery, and 
 shall be destroyed. If she be not in the new and ever- 
 lasting covenant, and she be with another man, she has 
 committed adultery; and if her husband be with another 
 woman, and he was under a vow, he hath broken his vow, 
 
 * And well you might, Joseph ! 
 
 f Here 's where my servant's little oil-bottle comes in ; a few 
 drops make adultery all right. 
 
Adultery, Covenants and Anointings. 107 
 
 and hath committed adultery ; and if she hath not com- 
 mitted adultery, but is innocent, and hath not broken her 
 vow, and she knoweth it, and I reveal it unto you, my 
 servant Joseph, then shall you have power, by the power 
 of my Holy Priesthood, to take her, and give her unto 
 him that hath not committed adultery, but hath been 
 faithful, for he shall be made ruler over many ; for T have 
 conferred upon you the keys and power of the priesthood, 
 wherein I restore all things, and make known unto you all 
 things in due time.* 
 
 17. And verily, verily I say unto you, that whatsoever 
 you seal on earth shall be sealed in heaven, and whatso- 
 ever you bind on earth, in my name, and by my word, 
 saith the Lord, it shall be eternally bound in the heavens ; 
 and whosesoever sins you remit on earth shall be remitted 
 eternally in the heavens; and whosesoever sins you retain 
 on earth shall be retained in heaven. 
 
 1 8. And again, verily I say, whomsoever you bless I 
 will bless ; and whomsoever you curse I will curse, saith 
 the Lord, for I, the Lord, am thy God. 
 
 19. And again, verily I say unto you, my servant Jo- 
 seph, that whatsoever you give on earth, and to whomso- 
 ever you give anyone on earth, by my word, and according 
 to my law, it shall be visited with blessings and not curs- 
 ings, and with my power, saith the Lord, and shall be 
 without condemnation on earth, and in heaven ; for I am 
 the Lord thy God. and will be with thee even unto the 
 end of the world, and through all eternity ; for verily I 
 seal upon you your exaltation, and prepare a throne for 
 you in the kingdom of my Father, with Abraham, your 
 father. Behold, I have seen your sacrifices,f and will 
 forgive all your sins ; I have seen your sacrifices in 
 obedience to that which I have told you : Go, therefore, 
 and I make A WAY FOR YOUR ESCAPE, as I accepted the 
 offering of Abraham, of his son Isaac. 
 
 20. Verily I say unto you, a commandment I give unto 
 mine handmaid, Emma Smith, your wife, whom I have 
 
 * What devilish trickery and doings of the Lord's Anointed 
 servants and handmaids are here hinted at ! Lust in labyrintho. 
 f But be sure to take a white dog, and not a white sheep ! 
 
i8 Mormon Portraits. I. Joseph Smith. 
 
 given unto you, that she stay herself, and partake not of 
 that which I commanded you to offer unto her* for I did 
 it, saith the Lord, to prove you all, as I did Abraham ; 
 and that I might require an offering at your hand, by 
 covenant and sacrifice : and let mine handmaid Emma 
 Smith receive all those that HAVE BEEN GIVEN unto my 
 servant Joseph, and who are virtuous and pure before me ; 
 and those who are not pure and have said they were 
 pure, shall be destroyed saith the Lord God, for I am the 
 Lord thy God, and ye shall oj^ey my voice ; and I give 
 unto my servant Joseph, that he shall be made ruler 
 over many things, for he hath been faithful over a few 
 things, and from henceforth I will strengthen him.f 
 
 21. And I command mine handmaid, Emma Smith, 
 to abide and cleave unto my servant Joseph, and to none 
 else. But if she will not abide this commandment, she 
 shall be destroyed, saith the Lord, for I am the Lord thy 
 God, and will destroy her if she abide not in my law ; but 
 if she will not abide this commandment, then shall my 
 servant Joseph do all things for her, even as he hath said, J 
 and I will bless him and multiply him, and give to him a 
 hundred-fold in this world, of fathers and mothers, 
 brothers and sisters, houses* and lands, wives and children, 
 and crowns of eternal lives in the eternal worlds. And 
 again, verily I say, let mine handmaid forgive my servant 
 Joseph HIS TRESPASSES, and then shall she be forgiven her 
 trespasses, wherein she has trespassed against me, and I, 
 the Lord thy God, will bless her and multiply her and 
 make her heart to rejoice. 
 
 22. And again, I say, let not my servant Joseph put 
 
 * I will explain this. Conspicuous among "all the women," Joe 
 "wanted," was pretty Jane Law; and in " General" William Law's 
 house Emma had once sought refuge after a pitched battle with Mine 
 Anointed. A transfer of marital partners was at one time on the tapis, 
 but Emma would not be induced to " partake." This I have from one 
 who personally knew of the proposed swap. Oh, those "special in- 
 structions!" 
 
 f That will not be amiss under the circumstances ! 
 
 t That means, I suppose, put her away and provide for her. 
 
 -in -law ? 
 
Concubines in Round Numbers. 109 
 
 his property out of his hands,* lest an enemy come and 
 destroy him, for Satan seeketh to destroy ; for I am the 
 Lord thy God, and he is my servant, and behold ! and lo, 
 I am with him, as I was with Abraham, thy father, even 
 unto his exaltation and glory. 
 
 23. Now, as touching the law of the priesthood, there 
 are many things pertaining thereunto. Verily, if a man 
 be called of my Father, as was Aaron, by mine own voice, 
 and by the voice of him that sent me, and I have 
 endowed him with the keys of the power of the priesthood, 
 if he do anything in my name and according to my law, 
 and by my word, he will not commit sin, and I will justify 
 him. Let no one therefore set on my servant Joseph^ for 
 I will justify him, for he shall do the sacrifice which I 
 require at his hands for his transgressions, saith the Lord 
 your God. 
 
 24. And again, as pertaining to the law of the priest- 
 hood : If a man espouse a virgin, and desire to espouse 
 another, and the first give her consent ; and if he espouse 
 the second and they are virgins, and have vowed to no 
 other man, then is he justified ; he cannot commit adultery, 
 for they are given unto him ; for he cannot commit 
 adultery with that that belongeth unto him, and to none 
 else ; and if he have TEN J virgins given unto him by this 
 law, he cannot commit adultery, for they belong to him, 
 and they are given unto him therefore is he justified, 
 But if one or either of the ten virgins, after she is 
 espoused, shall be with another man, she has committed 
 adultery, and shall be destroyed ; for they are given unto 
 him to multiply and replenish the earth, according to my 
 commandment, and to fulfil the promise which was given 
 by my Father before the foundation of the world ; and 
 for their exaltation in the eternal worlds, that they may 
 
 * Had mine Handmaid Emma insisted upon a division of the 
 property ? 
 
 f Joe here hurls his pard in the teeth of those of his friends who, 
 like William Law, opposed strongly his "new and everlasting 
 covenant " of celestial whoredom. 
 
 \ John Taylor had fulfilled the law to the letter, when he denied 
 polygamy. 
 
no Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 bear the souls of men ; for herein is the work of my 
 Father continued, that He may be glorified. 
 
 25. And again, verily, verily I say unto you, if any 
 man have a wife, who holds the keys of this power, and he 
 teaches unto her the law of my priesthood, as pertaining 
 to these things, then shall she believe* and administer 
 unto him, or she shall be destroyed, saith the Lord your 
 God, for I will destroy her ; for I will magnify my name 
 upon all those who receive and abide in my law. There- 
 fore it shall be lawful in me, if she receive not this law, 
 for him to receive, all things f whatsoever I, the Lord his 
 God, will give unto him because she did not believe and 
 administer unto him according to my word ; and she then 
 becomes the transgressor, and he is exempt from THE LAW 
 OF SARAH, who administered unto Abraham according to 
 the law when I commanded Abraham to take Hagar to 
 wife. And now as pertaining to this law, verily, verily 
 I say unto you I will reveal more unto you hereafter, 
 therefore, let this suffice for the present. Behold, I am 
 Alpha and Omega, Amen. 
 
 * That is the free consent of Mormon women ; they shall believe, 
 or be destroyed. 
 
 f So Mormon women are things, are they? and the Mormon 
 priest may have "all the women he wants," his first thing of a wife 
 consenting or not. 
 
Night Work of the Nauvoo City Police. in 
 ' THE PROPHET'S BROTHERS. 
 
 Hyrum Smith Easily Celestialized -John D. Lee, the 
 Pious and Cautious Danite Night Scenes in Nau- 
 voo Nine Fresh Wives in One Year Brigham 
 Young as ' ' Polyg ' ' in Nauvoo Character of Hy- 
 rum William Smith, the Apostolic Brute, Criminal, 
 and Pious Writer. 
 
 Hyrum Smith, born February 11, 1800, was a little 
 better than Prophet Joe, and William, born March 13, 
 1811, was worse than the prophet. Like Joe, they had 
 never been engaged in any honest profession or work, but 
 were money-diggers and vagabonds, and joined heart and 
 hand in the great imposture of the prophet. 
 
 Hyrum was one of the first to go into polygamy, after 
 Joseph had received the "revelation" from his accom- 
 modating Lord. John D. Lee tells us in his " Confes- 
 sion" how he was initiated by the Patriarch Hyrum 
 into the " new law : " 
 
 "One day the chief of police came to me and said 
 that I must take two more policemen that he named and 
 watch the house of a widow named Clawson. I was in- 
 formed that a man went there nearly every night about 
 ten o'clock and left about daylight. I was also ordered 
 to station myself and my men near the house, and when 
 the man came out we were to knock him down and cas- 
 trate him, and not to be careful how hard we hit, for it 
 would not be inquired into if we killed him. I felt a 
 timidity about carrying out these orders. It was my duty 
 to report all unusual orders that I received from my 
 superiors on the police force, to the Prophet Joseph 
 Smith, or in his absence to Hyrum, next in authority. 
 I went to the house of the prophet, but he was not at 
 home. I then called for Hyrum and he gave me an inter- 
 view. I told him the orders that I had received from the 
 
ii2 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 chief and asked him if I should obey or not. He said to 
 me: ' Brother Lee, you have acted wisely in listening to 
 the voice of 'the spirit. It was the influence of God's 
 spirit that sent you here. You would have been guilty of 
 a great crime if you had obeyed your chief's orders.' 
 Hyrum then told me that the man that I was ordered to 
 attack was Howard Egan, and that he had been sealed to 
 Mrs. Clawson, and that their marriage was a most holy 
 one ; that it was in accordance to a revelation that the 
 prophet had recently received direct from God. He 
 then explained to me fully the doctrine of polygamy, and 
 wherein it was permitted, and why it was right. I was 
 greatly interested in the doctrine. It accorded exactly 
 with my views of the Scripture, and I at once accepted 
 and believed in the doctrine as taught by the revelations 
 received by the prophet. As a matter of course, I did 
 not carry out the orders of the chief. I had him in- 
 structed in his duty, and so Egan was never bothered 
 by the police. A few months after that I was sealed to 
 my second wife. I was sealed to her by Brigham Young, 
 then one of the twelve. In less than one year after I 
 first learned the will of God concerning the marriage of 
 the Saints I was the husband of nine wives '." [Lee, 
 p. 288.] 
 
 In course of time, Lee, the worthy disciple of Joe, 
 Hyrum and Brigham, had nineteen wives and sixty-four 
 children ; which constitutes, in the Mormon idea, a good, 
 middle-sized " kingdom." It must have been an inter- 
 esting life in Nauvoo ; it might look very "celestial" to 
 the Mormon leaders, but it looks like a beastly pandemon- 
 ium to a stupid Gentile. Policeman Lee takes nine wives 
 in a twelvemonth! "Joseph never had any other wife 
 except me," says Sister Emma on her death-bed ! " The 
 Prophet Joseph had eighty, a hundred, or more, wives 
 sealed to him," says one of our witnesses ! " Polygamy 
 touch it, and you trample upon our religious rights guar- 
 anteed to us by the Constitution," shout Mormon men 
 and women, in grand chorus ! 
 
 Lee says (p. 167) : " Plural marriages were not wiade 
 public. They had to be kept still. A young man did not 
 
Danite Lee Guards Danite Brigham. 113 
 
 know when he was talking to a single woman. As far as 
 Brigham Young was concerned, he had no wives at his 
 house, except his first wife, or the one that he said was his 
 first wife. Many a night have I gone with him, arm in 
 arm, and guarded him while he spent an hour or two with 
 his young brides, then guarded him home and guarded 
 his house until one o'clock, when I was relieved." 
 
 But to return to Hyrum Smith. Mrs. Sarah Pratt says 
 of him : " He was smarter than Joseph, always inclined 
 to mercy, no drinker, and a tolerable speaker. He liked 
 good horses and was a good rider." Another witness 
 says : " Hyrum was rather reticent and dignified, en- 
 tirely different from Joseph in his disposition. Joseph 
 and Hyrum loved each other very much and had great 
 confidence in each other." A third witness states: 
 " Hyrum was gentlemanlike in appearance and manners : 
 he was a great fanatic in Mormonism, but had more 
 general knowledge than Joseph." 
 
 The following letter, dated February 15, 1844 a year 
 after Wm. Clayton's walk with the prophet shows clearly 
 that Hyrum Smith was a full-grown Jesuit. He lies 
 directly and horribly about polygamy in Nauvoo, and then 
 proceeds to instruct the elders to teach nothing but the 
 "first principles" of the gospel, faith in Jesus Christ, bap- 
 tism for the remission of sins, etc., all the sweet things 
 called " milk for babies " from the pulpit, while polygamy, 
 Danitism, treasonable endowments, blind obedience to the 
 priesthood, etc., the "meat for strongmen" are preached 
 and practiced secretly for the benefit of the prophet and 
 his next friends. All those things are holy mysteries to be 
 taught when the fools are fixed and gathered to Zion. The 
 same dodge has always been used on the outside and is 
 used to-day by the missionaries everywhere. Here is Hy- 
 rum's letter, copied from page 474 of the Times and Sea- 
 sons : 
 
 NAUVOO, March 15, 1844. 
 
 To the Brethren of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 
 living on China Creek, Hancock Co., Greeting : WHEREAS, Brother 
 Richard Hewitt has called upon me to-day, to know my views concern- 
 ing some doctrines that are preached in your place, and states to me that 
 
H4 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 some of your elders say that a man having a certain priesthood may 
 have as many wives as he pleases, and that doctrine is taught here : I 
 say unto you that that man teaches FALSE DOCTRINE, for there is no 
 such doctrine taught here ; neither is there any stick thing practiced 
 here. And any man that is found teaching privately or publicly any 
 such doctrine, is culpable, and will stand a chance to be brought before 
 the High Council and lose his license and membership also : There- 
 fore, he had better beware what he is about. 
 
 And again I say unto you, an elder has NO BUSINESS to undertake 
 to PREACH MYSTERIES in any part of the world, for God has com- 
 manded us all to preach NOTHING BUT THE FIRST PRINCIPLES unto 
 the world. Neither has any elder any authority to preach any myste- 
 rious thing to any branch of the church, unless he has a direct command- 
 ment from God to do so. Let the matter of the grand councils of 
 heaven, and the making of Gods, worlds, and devils entirely alone : 
 for you are not called to teach any such doctrine -for neither you nor 
 the people are capacitated to understand any such principles less so to 
 teach them. For when God commands men to teach such principles 
 the Saints will receive them. Therefore, beware what you teach ! for 
 the mysteries of God are not given to all men ; and unto those to 
 whom they are given they are placed under restrictions to impart only 
 such as God will command them ; and the residue is to be kept in a 
 faithful breast, otherwise he will be brought under condemnation. By 
 this God will prove his faithful servants who will be called and num- 
 bered with the chosen. 
 
 And as to the celestial glory, all will enter in and possess that 
 Kingdom that obey the gospel, and continue in faith in the Lord unto 
 the end of his days. Now, therefore, I say unto you, you must cease 
 preaching your miraculous things, and let the mysteries alone until 
 bye and bye. Preach faith in the Lord Jesus Christ ; repentance and 
 baptism for the remission of sins ; the laying on of hands for the gift 
 of the Holy Ghost ; teaching the necessity of strict obedience unto 
 these principles ; reasoning out of the Scriptures ; proving them unto 
 the people. Cease your schisms and divisions and your contentions. 
 Humble yourselves as in dust and ashes, lest God should make you an 
 ensample of his wrath unto the surrounding world. Amen. 
 
 In the bonds of the everlasting covenant, I am, 
 
 Your obedient servant, 
 
 HYRUM SMITH. 
 
 I don't know, but this letter seems to me one of the 
 most meaty little documents in the history of Mormon- 
 dorn. Talk of the sincerity of those sleek chaps ! They 
 seal and get sealed, right and left, that it seems a sort of 
 regular exercise for them, as playing at skittles is for pleth- 
 oric gentlemen but there is not " ANY such thing practiced 
 here!" The mysteries are for Joe, Hyrum, Kimball, 
 
Making Gods, Worlds and Devils. 115 
 
 Brigham, policeman Lee and other "chosen" ones, po- 
 licemen or not; they are the Lord's confidential employes 
 in the department for " the making of Gods, worlds and 
 devils " for it seems they make devils too : I take this as 
 a delicate allusion to the swearing in of Danites and 
 Destroying Angels. "The making of Gods, worlds and 
 devils ! " Am I not right in saying that they are a set of 
 infernal scoundrels, but at the same time immensely 
 .funny? 
 
 When Aminadab writes this at once rascally and non- 
 sensical piece of a Jesuitical denial, he is over head and 
 ears in polygamy himself. We have seen him on July 
 12, 1843, us i n g all his influence with Joe to make him 
 write the revelation. At or about this time the saintly 
 Hyrum gets sealed to his own sister-in-law, a widow, 
 apparently a good, simple soul of the type of the old 
 spinster who gives fifteen hundred dollars to Joseph in 
 Kirtland. She is yet alive, poor soul, over eighty years 
 old and has only recently* published her little sealing 
 story in the church organ. This is so characteristic that 
 I cannot help inserting it here. It is directed to Joseph 
 Smith, son of the prophet, and president of the reorgan- 
 ized Mormon church, which denies Joseph's having been 
 a polygamist : 
 
 " After having asked my Father in heaven to aid me, I sit down to 
 write a few lines as dictated by the Holy Spirit. My beloved husband, 
 R. B. Thompson, your father's [the Prophet's] private secretary to the 
 end of his mortal life, died August 27, 1841. Nearly two years after 
 his death your father [the prophet] told me that my husband had 
 appeared to him several times, telling him that he did not wish me to 
 live such a lonely life and wished him to request your uncle Hyrum to 
 have me sealed to him for time. Hyrum communicated this to his 
 wife (my sister), who, by request, opened the subject to me, when 
 everything within me rose in opposition to such a step ; but when your 
 father [the prophet] called and explained the subject to me, I dared 
 not refuse to obey the counsel, lest, peradventure, I should be found 
 fighting against God ; and especially when he told me the last time my 
 husband appeared to him, he came with such power , that it made him 
 tremble." 
 
 A very pretty novel. Hyrum likes the widow, so 
 * Deseret News, February 6. 1886. 
 
,n 6 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 Joseph has to get a dream, and then not Hyrum, but Mrs. 
 Hyrum has to do the wooing. Mrs. Hyrum obeys coun- 
 sel, but Mrs. Thompson hesitates, so Joseph has to labor 
 with her personally, and he does so, fortified by the 
 remembrance of that bleeding Spaniard. I see him sitting 
 with Mrs. Thompson and telling her, with what power the 
 spirit of poor Mr. Thompson came to him, so that he 
 made even a prophet tremble and shake ; and I see poor 
 Mrs. Thompson listening with wide-open eyes. The fix- 
 ing moment for the fools has arrived : 
 
 " He [Joseph] then inquired of the Lord what he should do ; the 
 answer was, ' Go and do as my servant [the late lamented Mr. Thomp- 
 son] has required.' Joseph then took an opportunity of communicat- 
 ing this to your uncle Hyrum, who told me that the Holy Spirit rested 
 upon him [Joseph] from the crown of his head to the soles of his 
 feet." 
 
 This little passage proves clearer than anything that 
 the force of Mormonism lies in the superstition of simple 
 souls, the devotion of loving hearts, the best instincts and 
 purest virtues of womanhood. Mrs. Thompson cannot 
 resist the command of a man who is steeped in Holy Ghost 
 as Achilles was in Lethe water. So the sealing humbug gets 
 performed : 
 
 " The time was appointed with the consent of all parties, and your 
 father [the prophet] sealed me to your uncle [Hyrum] for time, in my 
 sister's [Mrs. Hyrum's] room, with a covenant to deliver me up in the 
 morning of the resurrection to Robert Blaskel Thompson, with what- 
 ever offspring should be the result of that tmion, and I remained his 
 wife, the same as my sister, to the day of his death. 
 
 [Signed,] MERCY R. THOMPSON. 
 Oh, you lucky dog of a Blaskel, won't you jump for 
 joy when Hyrum, the martyred patriarch, steps up in the 
 morning of the resurrection and hands the old woman 
 over to you, Blaskel, with a pair of kids! "I had her 
 for time, Blaskel/' will he say, with a voice vibrating with 
 Pecksniff emotion : " I would have kept her longer and 
 the offspring would be more satisfactory as to number, if 
 the hellish mob hadn't shot me at Carthage. But never 
 mind, Blaskel, she is now yours for all eternity ; take her. 
 By the way, let me introduce you to the Lord who sits 
 yonder chatting with David Patten, our first martyr." 
 
An Oily Apostolic Rascal. 117 
 
 William Smith, who became an apostle of the church, 
 was a horrible character. Drinking, fighting, and ruining 
 virtuous females by the wholesale, were his saint-like 
 occupations. He was the chief manager of the organized 
 system of horse and cattle stealing constantly practiced 
 on the "Gentile" neighborhood of the Mormon settle- 
 ments, and in the distribution of counterfeit money. 
 You might call him a professor of the art of "milking 
 the Gentiles. ' ' He is yet alive, if I am not mistaken ; 
 and more pious than ever. I have a very oily little 
 pamphlet, written by him, about the origin of the Book 
 of Mormon. * He shows in it that he can lie to perfec- 
 tion, just like old Mother Smith and Joe. The little 
 book contains a pretty good likeness of Lucy Smith, 
 the mother of so many holy men. She looks just like 
 her bookf on Joseph, the prophet. 
 
 PRESIDENT SIDNEY RIGDON. 
 
 Joseph a Magnet Rigdon the real Inventor of Mormonism 
 Frightful Accident with the Keys of the Kingdom 
 Joseph the Wrestler and Rigdon the Craw- Fish Nan- 
 cy Rigdon Criminal Masonry A Hundred Thousand 
 Dollars in Gold Sidney Predicts Joseph in the Bible 
 Sad End of the First Mormon Fanatic. 
 
 It becomes now our duty to have a little chat about 
 Joseph's friends. The prophet was a magnet of the great- 
 est force for all kinds of adventurers, for " Catilinarian 
 existences," as Prince Bismarck would say. Already, when 
 a boy in Palmyra and Manchester, he was captain of a 
 
 * Published in Lamoni, Iowa, 1883. 
 
 t By a bull from Pope Brigham this very edifying little volume 
 was ordered to be destroyed. In Yankee slang, it unwittingly let too 
 many cats out of the Mormon bag. 
 
n8 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 band of vagabonds, petty thieves and swindlers, and lived 
 with them on the credulity and cupidity of the neighbor- 
 hood. To live on the spoils of dupes became the princi- 
 ple of his life. Men broken in business, others with half 
 education and spoiled reputations, reckless fortune-seekers 
 ready to embark in any scheme that would feed and clothe 
 them all were welcome to join the new gospel, but under 
 condition to obey counsel, that is, to become slaves of 
 Joseph, and to be, heart and soul, professors of the great 
 fundamental imposture, the lie about the golden plates, 
 the apparitions of angels, etc. 
 
 Sidney Rigdon, a farmer's son, and tanner by trade, 
 later a Campbellite preacher, had three prominent qualities: 
 i. He was half illiterate ; no education is better than 
 half a one. 2. He was a fanatic: theocracy, community 
 of goods, spiritual wifery (marrying for eternity) were his 
 chief hobbies. 3. He was entirely unprincipled : any 
 means that would lead him to a position of ease and 
 importance, were w r elcome. So constituted, having 
 obtained possession of Spaulding' s "Manuscript Found," he 
 got Smith to publish it. The Mormon leaders try to ridi- 
 cule the " Spaulding romance;" but if anything is proved 
 in history, the story of the conversion of Spaulding' s 
 "Manuscript Found" into the Book of Mormon is proved. 
 Sidney having very litth education and Smith none at all, 
 the imposture turned out a very clumsy one. But it is 
 clever enough for the kind of proselytes the Mormon mis- 
 sionaries angle for, foreign peasants and the poorest ele- 
 ments of manufacturing towns. It is always to be remem- 
 bered that the missionaries do not hold out the " Book of 
 Mormon," but bait their hooks with the "gospel of Christ," 
 with "purity, love, brotherhood," etc. The Book of 
 Mormon was originally the work of a dullard, and i 
 not and will never be anything but a stupid, tasteless, 
 ridiculous travesty of the Bible, the most somniferous of all 
 existing books. 
 
 Sidney was the most self-conceited crank of the cen- 
 tury. He was a coarse, ready, gabbling speaker, with 
 some slight, very slight pretensions as a writer, on Bible 
 themes ; but, as one who knew him well said of him, was 
 
"Build Me a New House." 119 
 
 "wholly lacking in the moral make-up" His picture 
 reminds me of some ancient, seedy, half-dazed Israelite, 
 with a strong admixture of the Jesuit. But the only pic- 
 ture I have seen of him was taken in later life. Sidney 
 used to say he had suffered ten times as much as Jesus 
 Christ. But the great martyr liked fine clothes, gold 
 watches, and good comfortable houses. He made his 
 dupes provide him with all these luxuries; if they hesitat- 
 ed, he threatened that the " Ke*ys " would be taken away 
 from the church. 
 
 A day or two after the tarring and feathering of " my 
 servants Sidney and Joseph" in Hiram, Ohio, March 25, 
 1832, the "Keys of the Kingdom" are taken in earnest 
 from the church by my servant Sidney. Let me give a 
 page here from old Lucy's inimitable chronicle : 
 
 " Immediately after Sidney's arrival, we met for the purpose of 
 holding a prayer meeting, and, as Sidney had not been with us for 
 some time, we hoped to hear from him upon this occasion. We waited 
 a long time before he made his appearance ; at last he came in, seem- 
 ingly much agitated. He did not go to the stand, but began to pace 
 back and forth through the house. My husband said : Brother Sid- 
 ney, we would like to hear a discourse from you to-day.' Rigdon 
 replied in a tone of excitement : ' The Keys of the Kingdom are rent 
 from the church, and there shall not be a prayer put up in this house 
 to-day.' ' Oh ! no,' said Mr. Smith, 'I hope not.' ' I tell you they are? 
 rejoined Elder Rigdon, * and no man or woman shall put up a prayer 
 in this place to-day.' This greatly disturbed the minds of many sisters 
 and some brethren. The brethren stared and turned pale and the sisters 
 cried ; sister Howe, in particular, was very much terrified. * Oh, dear 
 me ! ' said she, ' what shall we do ? What shall we do ? The Keys of 
 the Kingdom are taken from us, and what shall we do ? ' 'I tell you 
 again,' said Sidney, with much feeling, ' the Keys of the Kingdom are 
 taken from you, and you never will have them again until you build 
 me a new house.' 1 " 
 
 This is a delightful little scene. Mr. and Mrs. Micaw- 
 ber Smith are excited ; Mrs. Gummidge Howe weeps over 
 the lost Keys, and Sidney, (who is still smarting from the 
 tar and feathers, and mad because his dupes bave not pro- 
 vided him a suitable private residence in Kirtland) crushes 
 all those weak creatures with the "firmness" of a Murd- 
 stone. A new house, or the Keys are gone ! O those 
 wonderful Keys in Mormonism ! 
 
120 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 The situation is critical. Brother Hyrum jumps on 
 horseback to fetch the prophet from Hiram, where Rigdon 
 and Joe have been translating and revelating. Joseph 
 comes at once, and puts things in order. "I myself," 
 says he, "hold the keys of this last dispensation, and will 
 forever hold them, both in time and eternity ; so set your 
 hearts at rest upon that point; all is right." Sister Howe 
 could breathe again, the Keys were not lost. Sidney was 
 duly disciplined, and even permitted his license to be 
 taken from him "for having lied in the name of the 
 Lord." My servant Sidney had opened his foaming 
 mouth too wide, and had incontinently put his foot in it ! 
 Nor was this all. " He had to suffer for his folly," says 
 old Lucy, " for, according to his own account, he was 
 dragged out of bed by the devil, three times in one night, 
 by his heels." 
 
 Comedies of Errors in that kind were by no means 
 rare between Joseph and his Mentor. Sidney, twelve 
 years Joseph's senior, tried to play the first violin now 
 and again, but Joseph always put him back among the 
 common fiddlers of his gospel orchestra. John D. Lee 
 tells a very lively and amusing story of " a tussle between 
 the prophet and his mouthpiece," which happened in the 
 "war" between Missourians and Mormons, in 1838. 
 
 "During the time that we were camping at Adam- 
 ondi-Ahman the men were shivering over a few fire- 
 brands, feeling out of sorts and quite cast down. The 
 prophet came up while the brethren were moping around, 
 and caught first one of them and then another and shook 
 them up and said : ' Get out of here and wrestle, jump, 
 run, do anything but mope around, warm yourselves up; 
 this inactivity will not do for soldiers.' The words of the 
 prophet put life and energy into the men. A ring was 
 soon formed. The prophet stepped into the ring, ready 
 for a tussle with any comer. Several went into the ring 
 to try their strength, but each one was thrown by the 
 prophet, until he had thrown several of ihe stoutest of the 
 men present. Then he stepped out of the ring and took 
 a man by the arm and led him to take his place, and so it 
 continued, the men who were thrown retiring in favor of 
 
Joseph Pitches Into His Mouthpiece. 121 
 
 the successful one: While the sport was at its height, 
 Sidney Rigdon, the mouthpiece of the prophet, rushed 
 into the ring, sword in hand, and said that he would not 
 surfer a lot of men to break the Sabbath day in that 
 manner. For a moment all were silent, then one of the 
 brethren, with more presence of mind than the others, 
 said to the prophet: 'Brother Joseph, we want you to 
 clear us from blame, for we formed the ring by your 
 request. You told us to wrestle, and now Brother Rigdon 
 is bringing us to account for it.' 
 
 "The prophet walked into the ring and said, as he 
 made a motion with his hand : ' Brother Sidney, you had 
 better go out of here and let the boys alone ; they are 
 amusing themselves according to my orders. You are an 
 old man. You go and get ready for meeting, and let the 
 boys alone.' Just then, catching Rigdon off his guard, 
 as quick as a flash he knocked the sword from Rigdon 's 
 hand, then caught him by the shoulder and said : ' Now, 
 old man, you must go out, or I will throw you down.' 
 Rigdon was as large a man as the prophet, but not so tall. 
 The prospect of a tussle between the prophet and his- 
 mouthpiece was fun for all but Rigdon, who pulled back 
 like a craw-fish ; but the resistance was useless, the 
 prophet dragged him from the ring, bareheaded, and tore 
 his fine pulpit coat from the collar to the waist. Then he 
 turned to the men and said: ' Go in, boys, and have your 
 fun. You shall never have it to say that I got you into 
 any trouble that I did not get you out of.' Rigdon com- 
 plained about the loss of his hat and the tearing of his 
 coat. Joseph said to him : ' You were out of your place. 
 Always keep your place and you will not suffer. You 
 have no one to blame but yourself.' After that Rigdon 
 never countermanded the orders of the prophet he knew 
 who was boss" 
 
 This is surely as good a portrait of the two impostors 
 as was ever drawn. As to Rigdon 's personal appearance, 
 my witnesses tell me that he was rather good-looking and 
 "gentlemanly" in his ways; of stoutish build. He had 
 a pretty and charming wife. Nancy, his daughter, was an 
 attractive, good girl, like her sisters ; their mother had 
 
122 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 given them a good education. Joseph took a fancy to 
 Nancy. He got her to that " often engaged" room, 
 where he tried to make of Martha Brotherton, a hand- 
 some, high-strung English girl, one of the concubines of 
 the inner circle of the priesthood, (See the most dra- 
 matic account of Martha in the Documents at the end of 
 Part I.) 
 
 Nancy, that stubborn wretch, refused to be sealed to 
 the man who tried to make prostitutes of all the wives 
 and daughters of his friends. The story of his attempt 
 upon her virtue made a great noise in Nauvoo : read the 
 very graphic account of it in Bennett's book. Sidney, 
 while in Nauvoo, had become a sedate man of about fifty 
 years. He liked spiritual wifery, but in a discreet way, 
 you see, and he felt that Joseph was doing things too 
 boisterously and that it would lead them all to the dem- 
 nition bow-wows, so to speak. And as to giving away his 
 own daughter, he objected to that, of course, although he 
 liked a little frolicking with other people's daughters well 
 enough. 
 
 As a speaker Rigdon outdid Joseph by far. He 
 spoke very rapidly, and used to get tremendously ex- 
 cited, so that he foamed at the mouth. Jedediah Grant 
 became in Utah his successor in this beastly fury. 
 
 As a good specimen of Rigdon's chaste pulpit style, 
 which I find emulated by Joe, Brigham, Heber C. Kimball, 
 ^' Jeddy " Grant, John Taylor, and the lesser Mormon 
 lights, take the following passage from Rigdon's Con- 
 ference speech, April 6, 1844, as given in the Times and 
 Seasons, p. 524: "I want devils to gratify themselves; 
 and if howling, yelping, yelling will do you any good, 
 do it till you are all damned. If calling us devils, etc., 
 will do you any good, let us have the whole of it, and 
 you can then go on your own way to hell without a 
 grunt." And this set of piratical ruffians, not content 
 with calling themselves a "church," want to be church 
 and State in one. Says Rigdon in the same speech, 
 "When God sets up a system of salvation, he sets up a 
 system of government \ when I speak of a government, I 
 mean what I say, I mean a government that shall rule 
 
Mormonism in a Nutshell. 123 
 
 over TEMPORAL and spiritual affairs. Every man is a 
 government of himself, and infringes on no government. 
 A man is not an honorable man if he is not above all law 
 and above government. THE LAWS OF GOD ARE FAR AKOVE 
 THE LAWS OF THE LAND." Here you have Mormonism in 
 a nutshell, statesmen and students of the Mormon prob- 
 lem, fresh from the lips of its real founder. 
 
 Rigdon was the heart and soul of Mormonism in the 
 first time. It was with religion just as with the Kirtland 
 bank Rigdon was president and Joseph cashier. In 
 Nauvoo there came a great change. Mormonism gave up 
 the strictly Scriptural dodge and turned from the parody 
 of Bible to a travesty of Masonry, which is the little un- 
 derstood key of Mormonism in its present state. " Mor- 
 monism is nothing but CRIMINAL MASONRY," said to me 
 one of my most thoroughly informed witnesses. As long 
 as this feature, represented in the secret endowments, is 
 not understood, Mormonism will continue to be a riddle 
 to the world. 
 
 Joseph outgrew Rigdon in Nauvoo and put him on the 
 shelf. Rigdon was great with his tongue, but he lacked 
 Joseph's verve and brigand daring. After Joseph's death 
 Brigham, who was a born bandit, and wore, as he often 
 preached in Salt Lake, a bosom pin in Nauvoo, meaning 
 a big bowie knife Brigham put Rigdon, the foaming 
 pulpit hero, easily out of the field. He was kept quiet 
 with a pension and threatened with Danite vengeance if 
 he ever split. But he mumbled a little, anyhow, just 
 enough to give away the whole thing. After leaving 
 Nauvoo he told James Jeffries in St. Louis that he had 
 taken Spaulding's manuscript and given it to Joseph 
 Smith to publish. From that time 1844 U P to n ^ s 
 death, Mormon gold kept him quiet, just as it did in the 
 cases of publisher Howe and "Dr." Hurlbut, who got 
 the MS. of Spaulding's " Manuscript Found " from 
 Spaulding's widow and sold out to the Mormon leaders. 
 
 Sidney died in Pennsylvania in 1876, aged 83, a no- 
 body, and a confirmed infidel. He was wont to declare, 
 when near his end, " If I had ten years more of vigorous 
 life I would overthrow all religions." 
 
124 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 One more anecdote of him. At the time when 
 through the zeal of noble Judge McKean, the Utah 
 kingdom seemed about to collapse, Sidney wrote to 
 Brigham that he would save the church if Brigham would 
 give him one hundred thousand dollars in gold. Brigham 
 was sick when the letter came. When he got better it 
 was read to him. Rolling over in his bed slowly he 
 drawled out: " / wonder if Sidney wouldn't take one 
 hundred thousand dollars in greenbacks ? " I have this 
 delightful little story from an ex-Mormon, who used to be 
 at home at the " Lion House." 
 
 Let me conclude this Rigdon chapter with a little 
 novel of mine. It was in June, 1830. Joe and Rigdon, 
 his "Director," were sitting in some log cabin. The 
 Book of Mormon was printed, the church founded. Joe 
 felt good as new-established prophet. " That is all very 
 well," said Sidney, "but all is not yet done. We must 
 get the old Bible to predict you, Joe, your father and the 
 Book of Mormon. Do you catch on, Joe?" The pro- 
 phet opened his eyes wide. " Splendid idea, old fellow," 
 says he, "But how can you manage this new trick?" 
 Says Sidney : " Didn't I create a whole new Bible out of 
 that stuff of old crank Spaulding ? Just let me sit down 
 for a while and I shall make blush all those old prophets, 
 tajte my word for it, Joe, old boy." 
 
 And Sidney sat down 'in July, 1830, and the " inspired 
 translation and correction" of the good old Bible was 
 finished in Julv, 1833. " It was all in the hand-writing of 
 Sidney Rigdon," said Mr. Blair, the careful editor of Sid- 
 ney's Bible, to my friend Cobb ; and Cobb said gravely, 
 " Oh, thank you, much obliged." Friend C. is always much 
 obliged when interesting people give themselves away, you 
 see. Are they not a set of funny knaves, Sidney, Joe and 
 the rest of them ? They translate everything. It would 
 have been the easiest thing in the world for them to give 
 us a new Homer, and prove that Achilles shot Hector with 
 a cavalry pistol and that fair Helen was Paris's spiritual 
 wife ! 
 
 But look at Rigdon, the inspired translator and correc- 
 tor of the Bible : 
 
The Bible Predicts the Whole Outfit. 125 
 
 BIBLE (King James translation) : 
 
 And Joseph said unto his brethren, I die : and God will surely visit 
 you and bring you out of this land unto the land which He sware unto 
 Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. (Genesis, L., 24.) 
 
 THE HOLY SCRIPTURES, TRANSLATED AND CORRECTED 
 by the Spirit of Revelation, by Joseph Smith, Jr., the Seer : 
 
 " And Joseph saith unto his Brethren, I die and go unto my 
 fathers ; and I go down to my grave with joy .... and it shall come 
 to pass that they (my people) shall be scattered again; and a branch 
 shall be broken off, and shall be carried into a far country [America] ; 
 nevertheless they shall be remembered in the covenants of the Lord, 
 when the Messiah cometh ; for he shall be made manifest unto them 
 in the LATTER DAYS .... A seer shall the Lord my God raise up, 
 who shall be a choice seer unto the fruit of my loins . . . ., and that 
 seer [Mr. Joseph Smith, Jr.,] will I bless, and they that seek to destroy 
 him shall be confounded ; and hh name shall be CALLED JOSEPH, and 
 it shall be AFTER THE NAME OF His FATHER [Mr. Joseph Smith, Sr.] 
 .... The thing which the Lord shall bring forth by his [General 
 Joseph Smith's] hand shall bring my people unto salvation." 
 
 They are all predicted, you see, old Micawber-Smith, 
 and the Lieutenant-General, his son. It 's a pity they 
 didn't predict Eliza and the broomstick, the log by the 
 river, and Charlie, the family horse. But this is not all. 
 Joseph's or rather Sidney Rigdon's inspired " correction" 
 of the Bible predicts also the Book of Mormon, and not 
 only Joseph Senior and Joseph Junior. Look at the pro- 
 phecies of Isaiah XXIX., and compare them with the new 
 inspired additions : 
 
 "And it shall come to pass that the Lord God shall bring forth 
 unto you the words of a BOOK .... and the book shall be a revela- 
 tion from God, from the beginning of the world to the ending thereof 
 .... The eyes of none shall behold it, save it be that THREE WIT- 
 NESSES shall behold it by the power of God [Messrs. Martin Harris, 
 Oliver Cowdery and David Whitmer] ; and they shall certify to the 
 truth of the book and the things therein. And woe be unto him that 
 rejecteth the word ofk>d . . . ." 
 
 I have given enough of this woeful stuff to show the 
 monumental cheek of its concoctor, Sidney Rigtion, 
 Esq. Laugh I must, but graver students who feel inter- 
 ested in this matter of sect-framing and lunacy-breeding 
 may compare at their leisure the Bible with Rigdon's " in- 
 
126 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 spired " rubbish, published by the "re-organized" Mor- 
 mon church, 1867. It seems to me, however, that the 
 prophet's son, (whose coming forth in the latter days is 
 not, strange to say, predicted in Genesis along with the 
 coming forth of his honored sire and grandsire,) who is 
 the visible head of the "Reorganized Church," doesn't 
 half understand the business of book-publishing. Why 
 not call it "Lucy's family Bible" or, "the true Bible 
 key," or, " the three-cornered family diamond ? " 
 
 Since this was written, I have been credibly informed 
 of the following facts : Rigdon, after having retired to 
 Pittsburg, Pennsylvania, organized a little Mormon Eden, 
 or more properly speaking, a little Mormon hell of his 
 own, where community of goods, his favorite and life- 
 long hobby, played an important part. He bought, after 
 having obtained from a relative a loan of one thousand 
 dollars, a tract of four hundred acres in the mountainous 
 region of the State, intended as the nucleus of the true 
 " Zion." This tract he laid out in lots, and his followers 
 " gathered " to the place. But it was not all dry, serious 
 religion what they practiced ; there was some fun, "and 
 that too most holy," to be sure. On the tract aforesaid 
 was a big barn, and this barn was " ordained and set 
 apart" for religious ceremonies, which were in substance 
 the same kind of pastime indulged in by Joseph and his 
 inner circle in Nauvoo, and in Southampton, England, by 
 Elder Margetts. I cannot help thinking, in my Gentile 
 corruption, what decent fellows those Turks are compared 
 with the founders and upholders of the new and ever- 
 lasting gospel. 
 
The Greatest Scamp in the West. 127 
 
 DOCTOR JOHN C. BENNETT. 
 
 The Napoleon of Nauvoo A Modern Sejanus A Fine 
 Blessing by Hyrum Smith " My Servant Bennett" 
 Joab, General in Israel Visits in the Historian's 
 Office Apostle Richards and other Interesting Peo- 
 ple The Author Gets a Holy Bouncing They 
 Cannot Lie Joab Leaves Nauvoo Dies in Obscurity. 
 
 Dr. John C. Bennett, physician, quartermaster general, 
 master in chancery, major general, mayor, chancellor of 
 the Nauvoo University this is another star, or rather, 
 meteor in the history of Nauvoo. We know him already ; 
 Mrs. Sarah M. Pratt has given us a portrait of him, which 
 shows conclusively that one can be a great man in the 
 world while he would be a very little one in the peni- 
 tentiary. But I like that fellow Bennett first-rate all the 
 same, in an artistic way, of course, because he is such an 
 excellent type of the " Catilinarian existences " above 
 quoted. 
 
 Who was Dr. Bennett ? In the opinion of Governor 
 Ford * he was the greatest scamp in the West. In his 
 own conceit he was, if second to anybody, so only to 
 Napoleon the Great. He was a physician, had some mil- 
 itary knowledge, picked up God knows where, a towering 
 ambition and a very keen sense of female beauty, or, to 
 speak like a Mormon elder, for the blessings of Abraham, 
 Jacob, Solomon and David. He thought he could use 
 Joseph as a ladder to greatness, but Joseph used him as a 
 tool, and when he had learned all the tricks of Bennett, 
 he threw him away, as he did his first master and mentor, 
 " my servant Sidney," as he did " that old granny, 
 Martin Harris." Bennett lived eighteen months in Nau- 
 
 * See "History of Illinois." The part of this book which treats 
 of the Mormons is admirable in substance and spirit. 
 
128 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 voo, organized the new Mormon empire, wrote the charters 
 of the city and procured their passage in the State legis- 
 lature ; drilled the Nauvoo legion, practiced abortion for 
 the prophet, treated professionally the maladies galantes 
 of the high priesthood, helped Joseph to organize the 
 criminal masonry of the endowment, in which he assumed 
 the role of " Holy Ghost," was his accomplice in the at- 
 tempted murder of Governor Boggs, and who knows in 
 how many other schemes of this kind, and enjoyed the bless- 
 ings of Isaac and Jacob, etc. But all of a sudden he fell 
 like Sejanus. Yes, he fell, after having been mayor of 
 the city, chancellor of the Nauvoo "University/' major- 
 general of the Nauvoo Legion, and, as my homespun 
 friend Webb says, " chief cook and bottle-washer" in 
 general. And why did he fall ? Look out for the woman ! 
 as the Frenchman has it. He and Joseph wanted, it 
 seems, to shower the blessings of Abraham and Jacob on 
 the same beauties. Dismissed from his high position, he 
 lectured in the States against Joseph and wrote a book 
 which in its theatrical pathos reminds me often of Fal- 
 staff's excellent friend "Pistol;" but this book* is, be- 
 sides being a clever compilation of Howe's and other 
 anti-Mormon publications, true in all essential points ; 
 what Bennett tells is true. I had his tale confirmed by all 
 my old witnesses. The only thing to be said against the 
 book is the fact, that he does not tell the whole truth. 
 He avoids this partly because it would damn himself, and 
 then because the whole truth about Mormonism cannot be 
 printed it is too filthy for type. 
 
 How big a light the doctor was in Nauvoo, in the be- 
 ginning of his eighteen months career, is best seen by a 
 blessing pronounced on Bennett's head by Patriarch Hyrum 
 Smith. I wonder whether the two augurs did not laugh 
 to each other while this " blessing "-comedy was going 
 on ? Here are some tid-bits of the document : 
 
 " John C. Bennett I lay my hands upon thy head in the name of 
 Jesus Christ, and inasmuch as thou art a son of Abraham, I bless you 
 with the holy priesthood, with all its graces and gifts and with wisdom 
 
 *The History of the Saints, or, an expose of Joe Smith and Mor- 
 monism. Boston, 1842. 
 
Bennett' s Keys and Blessings. 129 
 
 in all the mysteries of God. Thou shalt have knowledge given thee, 
 and shalt understand the keys by which all mysteries shall be un- 
 locked. Thou shalt have great power among the children of men and 
 shalt have influence among the great and the noble, even to prevail on 
 many and bring them to the knowledge of the truth. Thou shalt 
 prevail over thy enemies. Many souls shall believe because of the 
 proclamation which thou shalt make. The Holy Spirit shall rest upon 
 thee, insomuch that thy voice shall' make the foundation on which 
 thou standestto shake so great shall be the power of God." 
 
 This is a very fine metaphor. Hyrum has learned a 
 good deal from Micawber-Smith, his father. But let him 
 go on : 
 
 "God's favor shall rest upon thee in dreams and visions, which shall 
 manifest the glory of God. Beloved Brother, if thou art faithful thou 
 shalt have pow^r to heal the sick ; cause the lame to leap like an hart, 
 the deaf to hear, and the dumb to speak and their voice shall salute 
 thine ears. Thou shalt be like unto Paul and shalt have the visions of 
 heaven open, even as they were to him. 
 
 " Thy name shall be known in many nations, and thy voice shall 
 be heard among many people. Yea, unto many of the remnants of 
 Israel shalt thou be known, and thou shalt proclaim the gospel unto 
 many tribes of the house of Israel. 
 
 " God is with thee and has wrought upon thy heart to come up to 
 this place that thou mayest be satisfied that the servants of God dwell 
 here [in Nauvoo]. God shall reward thee^for thy kindness. Thou 
 must travel and labor for Zion, for this is the mind and will of God. 
 Be like Paul. Let God be thy shield and buckler, and he shall shield 
 thee forever. Angels shall guide thee, and shall lift thee out of many 
 dangers and difficulties. 
 
 " Thou shalt have power over many of thy friends and relations, 
 and shalt prevail with them, and when thou shalt reason with them, it 
 shall be like Palil reasoning with Felix, and they shall tremble when 
 they hear thy words. Thou shalt be blessed with the blessings of 
 Abraham, Isaac and Jacob [aha], and if thou art faithful, thou shalt 
 be yet a Patriarch, and the blessings thou shalt pronounce shall be 
 sealed in heaven. If thou continue faithful and steadfast in the ever- 
 lasting covenant, thou shalt have power over the winds and the waves, 
 and they shall obeyHhy voice when thou shalt speak in the name of 
 Jesus Christ. Thou shalt be crowned with immortality in the celestial 
 kingdom, when Christ shall descend. Even so, Amen." 
 
 Hyrum' s blessing bears the date of September 21, 1840. 
 The Lord seems to have been pretty well satisfied with the 
 services of the Doctor, since He speaks of him four months 
 later, in a revelation dated Jan. 19, 1841, in very flattering 
 terms. If a subscriber to the Times and Seasons, the 
 
13 Mormon Portraits. I. Joseph Smith. 
 
 church organ, the Lord must have been highly pleased in 
 seeing His words printed in No. 15, Vol. II. : 
 
 "Again, let my servant John C. Bennett help you [Joseph] in your 
 labor in sending my word to the kings of the people of the earth, and 
 stand by you, even you my servant Joseph Smith in the hour of afflic- 
 tion, and his reward shall not fail if he receive counsel', and for his love 
 he shall be great ; for he shall be mine if he does this, saith the Lord. 
 I have seen the work which he hath done, which I accept, if he con- 
 tinue, and will crown him with blessings and great glory." 
 
 I see lots of interesting things in this little bit of a 
 heavenly dispatch. That old " pard " of Joe's is a wicked 
 wag. Don't you see his villainous allusions? " Hour of 
 affliction" what else does it mean but those eternal. trou- 
 bles with that obstinate " legal" wife of Joe^s, the elect 
 lady? And, besides, doesn't it mean those disagreable 
 cases whenever "one of Joseph' s women was in trouble ? " 
 Well, Bennett did surely his best to get Joe out of his 
 scrapes. He advises him to get a revelation that polyga- 
 my is right, and as to the other "afflictions," he does all 
 a skillful physician can do in such cases. The Lord " has 
 seen the work he has done," and no doubt that crooked 
 instrument, too, described by Mrs. Pratt, and He has 
 " accepted it." I have never seen anything in all my life 
 which comes near this in the way of a handy, comfortable 
 religion. Have you ? 
 
 General Bennett tries, besides, to send the prophet's 
 word to the kings and people of the earth. He thunders 
 in the Nauvoo Wasp, a little weekly edited by Joseph's 
 brother William, the prototype of all criminal brutes in 
 Mormondom. Here is one of his Pistol-letters : 
 
 The grievances of this people must be redressed and my hands shall 
 help to do it should they have to reach to the highest courts of heav- 
 en, dig to the lowest bowels of hell, or encompass true broad expanse of 
 the universe of God, to consummate so desirable a result. 
 
 JOAB, 
 General in Israel. 
 
 I hope the Lord has seen this "work " of his servant 
 Joab Bennett and accepted it. Or did he like that other 
 better? It is a little more poetical : 
 
 " Missouri has been to the Saints like the bohan upas to the weary 
 
The Bonapartes and Washingtons of Nauvoo. 131 
 
 pilgrim, and though my hands be bound, my feet fettered and my 
 tongue palsied, yet will I defend this people by the great power of 
 God, until they shall shine in righteousness among the nations of the 
 earth like a glittering gem sparkling on a maiden's brow, and be 
 envied only for their good works." 
 
 Fine, Doctor, very fine. That shows the poet and the 
 scholar. But you didn't put those exquisite gems in your 
 little book, you sly dog, eh ? They would not do along- 
 side with your demand for Joseph in the name of Missouri, 
 eh? 
 
 Ah, it was a grand time, when the Times and Seasons 
 could say, editorially : ' ' The Nauvoo Legion appeared 
 in its glory and presented a beautiful appearance. It will 
 soon compare with the best military organization in the 
 Union." When those high-sounding " GENERAL ORDERS" 
 were given, signed by Joseph Smith, Lieutenant-General, 
 and John C. Bennett, Major-General. Doesn't it read 
 splendid : 
 
 " In forming the Legion, the adjutant will observe the rank of 
 companies as follows, to-wit : 
 
 1st cohort the flying artillery first, the lancers next and the rifle- 
 men next : visiting companies of dragoons next the lancers and caval- 
 ry next the dragoons." 
 
 And that great display on the occasion of laying the 
 corner stones of the new temple ! Hear it, ye nations and 
 kings : 
 
 " At eight o'clock a. m. Major-General Bennett left his quarters to 
 organize and prepare the Legion for the duties of the day, which 
 consisted of about fourteen companies, besides several companies from 
 Iowa and other parts of the country, which joined them on this occa- 
 sion. 
 
 " At half-past nine Lieutenant-General Smith was informed that 
 the legion was organized and ready for review, and immediately, 
 accompanied by his staff, consisting of four aid-de-camps and twelve 
 guards, nearly all in splendid uniforms, took his march to the parade 
 ground. On their approach they were met by the band, beautifully 
 equipped, who received them with a flourish of trumpets and a regular 
 salute, and then struck up a lively air, marching in front to the stand 
 of the lieutenant-general. On his approach to the parade ground the 
 artillery was again fired, and the legion gave an appropriate salute 
 while passing. This was indeed a glorious sight, such as we never 
 saw, nor did we ever expect to see such a one in the \V est. The rich 
 
132 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 and costly dresses of the officers would have become a BONAPARTE or a 
 WASHINGTON. 
 
 " After the arrival of Lieutenant-General Smith, the ladies, who 
 had made a beautiful silk flag, drove up in a carriage to present it to 
 the legion. Major- General Bennett very politely attended on them, 
 and conducted them in front of Lieutenant-General Smith, who 
 immediately alighted from his charger and walked up to the ladies, 
 who presented the flag, making an appropriate address. Lieutenant- 
 General Smith acknowledged the honor conferred upon the legion, 
 and stated that as long as he had the command it should never be 
 disgraced ; and then, politely bowing to the ladies, gave it into the 
 hands of Major-General Bennett, who placed it in possession of Cornet 
 Robinson, and it was soon seen gracefully waving in front of the 
 legion. During the time of presentation, the band struck up a lively 
 air, and another salute was fired from the artillery. After the 
 presentation of the flag, Lieutenant-General Smith, accompanied by 
 his suite, reviewed the legion, the different officers saluting as he 
 passed. Lieutenant-General Smith then took his former stand, and 
 the whole legion, by companies, passed before him in review. 
 
 " Immediately after the review, General Bennett organized the 
 procession to march to the foundations of the temple, in the following 
 order, to-wit : 
 
 Lieutenant-General Smith, 
 
 Brigadier-Generals Law and Smith, 
 
 Aids-de-Camp and conspicuous strangers, 
 
 General Staff, 
 
 Band, 
 Second Cohort (foot troops), 
 
 Ladies, eight abreast, 
 
 Gentlemen, eight abreast. 
 
 First Cohort (horse troops). 
 
 " The procession then began to move forward in order, and on 
 their arrival at the temple block, the generals, with their staffs and 
 distinguished strangers present, took their position inside the founda- 
 tion, the ladies formed on the outside immediately next the walls, the 
 gentlemen and infantry behind, and the cavalry in the rear. The 
 assembly sung an appropriate hymn. President Rigdon then ascended 
 the platform and delivered a suitable oration, which was listened to 
 with the most profound attention by the assembly.'' 
 
 Those were the glorious May-days of 1841. The 
 Mormon "Lord" felt good. Having accepted Bennett's 
 work (and crooked instrument,) He was now to get a fine 
 temple. He was happy to see so many of my servants in 
 fine uniforms, and he might have thought, with a truthful 
 Mormon historian, "it is a singular fact, that after 
 Washington. Joseph Smith was the first man in America 
 
The Prophet* s Friend a Devil. 133 
 
 who held the rank of lieutenant-general."* Poor, dear 
 old Jehovah ! He had not had such' a holiday since the 
 great times of General Joshua ; and this splendid morning 
 of the Nauvoo kingdom was a proud one for Emma and 
 the " ladies" in general. There was such a crowd of 
 Bonapartes and Washingtons, thunder of artillery, soul- 
 stirring martial music, polite bows, grand speeches, sweet 
 smiles it was the glorious summer of Zion, and they 
 didn't dream that winter was so near. Bennett was the 
 proudest of them all. Was it not all his work, his brains, 
 science and experience ? He felt himself Bonaparte and 
 Washington in one. The clever little fellow ! When at 
 the height of his glory in Nauvoo, he was five ieet five 
 inches just like Napoleon I., you know and 142 
 pounds in weight. Joseph weighed 212 pounds, and was 
 six feet Lee says six feet two inches. 
 
 ' 'All decent people in Nauvoo," says Mr. K., "regarded 
 Bennett as a perfect scoundrel." And he was the 
 prophet's Pylades: was with him day and night! Mr. 
 Webb says: "He was a very small, villainous-looking 
 man. I hated him from sight. Ambition and women 
 filled his soul." " He was full of low cunning and 
 licentiousness," says Mrs. Pratt. Several well-informed 
 witnesses tell me that he used to promise abortion to 
 those females that objected to the "blessings of Abraham" 
 on the ground of fear for the consequences. "I heard 
 him preach against the Gentiles," said a lady of eighty- 
 eight years to me. "He seemed raving mad. I said, 
 ' The fellow is a devil,' but my friends warned me not to 
 talk like that of the best friend of the prophet." 
 
 I saw the Nauvoo Wasp in the " historian's office." 
 Fine, snug place for study, that office. But they wouldn't 
 let me study there, you see. Let me tell you how this 
 "came to pass." First, I was very well received there. 
 Apostle Richards, the present manager,f is as nice a 
 
 *^And that Brigham Young was [to be] the next." Tullidge, 
 Brigham Young, p. 30. 
 
 f Apostle Woodruff, the real " historian," is " in obscurity," as 
 Apostle Richards told me. The poor old gentlemen cannot bear the 
 sight of a deputy marshal. 
 
134 Mormon Portraits. I. Joseph Smith. 
 
 polygamic gentleman as I have met in Utah. lie has a 
 young clerk who tries, in a really touching manner, to 
 outdo Uriah Heep in the pleasant and useful art of 
 grinning. I saw other interesting people there; for 
 instance, Elder Jaques, who is as grim as Minos. His 
 last smile must have happened somewhere in 1850. And 
 Musser I saw there, too, even A. M. Musser, a great 
 diplomat, who has done many a noble deed, seen and 
 accepted by Brigham. Musser had just been in the Pen 
 for six months, for having "lived his religion" with 
 some crisp and dashing young wives instead of with the 
 tough and tedious old woman ; and this sad experience of 
 religious persecution gives him a sort of noble, martyrly 
 bearing, an odor half church incense, half harem perfume. 
 Well, everything went lovely for two or three visits, you 
 know. They showed me the Wasp, and some other 
 things ; but the kind of books and papers which I wanted 
 to see did not fail to arouse suspicion pretty soon. They 
 began to catechise me in the approved teacher-style, and 
 wanted to tell me "the facts" about the Mountain 
 Meadows Massacre and other interesting topics. I was 
 stupid enough to let them see my set of Gentile teeth too 
 soon. I told them about a forgery committed by one of 
 their great writers in printing a most important dispatch 
 of Brigham Young. I gave them a bit of my mind about 
 polygamy and theocracy. My die was cast, my doom 
 was sealed. When I asked for the Nauvoo Neighbor, 
 another very interesting weekly of 1843-4, they "had 
 lent it to somebody." They are so sly. But I do not 
 blame them. I never saw a cosier, cooler little place for 
 a little practice in lying, for the holiest of purposes. And 
 then, looking out on the splendid lawn before John 
 Taylor's palace, could I help thinking : You CANNOT lie 
 to Gentiles ! 
 
 But let us return to the Wasp, whose columns were so 
 often enriched by the fertile pen of Pistol-Joab-Bennett. 
 Joseph's great friend in all kinds of affliction calls Joseph, 
 on one of those yellowish leaves, a "great philanthropist 
 and devout Christian ! " The same Wasp calls Bennett, 
 scarcely a month later, June 25, "an impostor and base 
 
End of the Handy Doctor. 135 
 
 adulterer." Sic transit gloria mundi, as the learned 
 prophet would say, or "O tempora, O mores!" as 
 quoted in the same number of Apostle' William's little 
 weekly. How did this come to pass ? Had the Lord 
 ceased to accept the Doctor's work, or had he become 
 jealous of Joseph's new " pard? " 
 
 Bennett, after having exposed Prophet Joseph, 
 joined Prophet Strang, who had set up a little Mormon 
 inferno of his own OR an island in Michigan lake. A 
 stormy petrel was Dr. John C. Bennett. He had been 
 everything in this world, even a Methodist, and a Camp- 
 bellite preacher, and had left, in the spirit of a Mormon 
 martyr, no doubt, wife and children, before coming to 
 worship in Nauvoo, * Joab died in obscurity, in the 
 State of Iowa. 
 
 Farewell, thou portentous meteor, great general, 
 mighty mayor and judge, most handy doctor and most 
 learned chancellor ! Farewell, noble Paul ! Farewell, 
 earth-shaking Joab, wave-stilling Pistol ! Thou, too, art a 
 son of Abraham, and you shall pass by the angels and the 
 gods to thine exaltation and glory, little " Forty-two- 
 pounder ! " f 
 
 * I wonder why Lee doesn't say : " We used to call such fellows 
 widowers" 
 
 )- This was General Joab's pet name in Nauvoo. 
 
136 Mormon Portraits. /. -Joseph Smith. 
 
 THE NAUVOO CATASTROPHE. 
 
 A New Kind of Friends William and Wilson Law, 
 Dr. Galland, etc. Postmaster Rigdon The Great 
 Revelation of January 19, 1841 The Lord's "House 
 of Boarding" and "Stockholders" My Servant 
 Isaac Galland Blessings and Keys The Messianic 
 Wave The " Nauvoo Expositor" The Nuisance 
 Abated Affidavits of William and Jane Law Hell 
 an Agreeable Place The Nauvoo Trap The Car- 
 - thage Tragedy. 
 
 Sidney Rigdon had used Joseph as a tool to bring 
 the big fraud before the world. Joseph learned two 
 things from Sidney : first, the theatrical* make-up of a 
 prophet j second, the art to use men as he himself had 
 been used by the ingenious Pittsburg tanner. Joe was 
 shrewd enough to find out what qualities in a man were 
 best adapted for the purposes of the- Latter-day kingdom. 
 In Martin Harris and the Whitmers it was the phenom- 
 enal superstition and credulity ; in Oliver Cowdery, low 
 rascality and a certain general cleverness combined with 
 the occult sciences of reading and writing, so little known 
 among the founders of the new gospel. The brothers 
 Pratt were two quite different natures. Parley was bru- 
 tally sensual and perfectly unscrupulous ; Orson a 
 fanatic of the Rigdon type and of a burning ambition 
 badly matched with the scholarship of a dilettante. This 
 explains why Cowdery and Parley Pratt were on the in- 
 side of the imposture from the beginning, while Orson 
 Pratt was kept on the outside to be a great fisher of 
 men as a missionary and perhaps never given a look into 
 the strong box of the great fraud. 
 
 Oliver was the first type 4 of willing criminal tool for 
 the schemes of Joseph and Rigdon, and he was the first 
 
Horse Thieves and Other Friends of the "Lord." 137 
 
 to fall, when he knew too much and when he shrank be- 
 fore certain logical consequences of the new system 
 adopted recklessly by the prophet in Missouri in 1838. 
 Cowdery's disgrace was a forerunner of the fate of Dr. 
 Avard and Dr. Bennett. In Dr. Sampson Avard, who 
 went heart and soul into the bold Mahomet-scheme of 
 Joseph, we get the first clear type of the adventurers, 
 then swarming in the virgin West, who saw in the prophet 
 a new star leading them to coveted greatness and enjoy- 
 ment. He understood and fell in with Joseph's purposes, 
 and seems to have formed the plan, readily endorsed by 
 Rigdon and Joseph, to cement the motley, low adven- 
 turers of the "faithful" by the means of most terrible 
 oaths and secret signs. More of this in a special chapter 
 about the Danites. 
 
 The Mahomet scheme had been a great fizzle in 
 Missouri. Joseph and the elite of his tools went to prison, 
 after barely escaping to be shot by court-martial. The 
 prophet disclaimed, unblushingly, any connection with 
 the organization of the Danite band, and made good his 
 retreat to Nauvoo. It is well known that the good people 
 of Illinois, not being informed about the real causes of 
 the Missouri troubles, willingly accepted the Mormon lie 
 about "religious persecution," and did their best to 
 make the fugitives forget their sufferings. It did not take 
 them more than one or two years to find out that they 
 had warmed a big snake in the bosom of their great State. 
 
 Nauvoo was a fresh field, full of fresh men. Adven- 
 turers of all kinds offered their services to the man who, 
 howbeit he might be as great a rascal as there ever was, 
 had success on his side represented in thousands of 
 " followers," who were in reality a formidable army of 
 fanatic Mamelukes. Lots of settlers and men of enter- 
 prise were what the new West wanted : Joe was one of 
 the latter, and possessed the former. Dr. Isaac Galland 
 they're all " doctors," those chaps offered to Joseph 
 land enough to build a big city on. He had been a. 
 horse-thief in earlier times, and had stolen the land ; but 
 Joe's "Lord" accepted him and his offer all the same. 
 Then came Bennett, the useful man par excellence, who 
 
138 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 knew and could do anything. He was as smooth and 
 ready in the drafting of political and military organiza- 
 tions as he was in the most delicate cases of personal 
 affliction as we have seen. But not only rascals came 
 to Zion to rise with the rising prophet ; not only penniless 
 adventurers, as Joe had been himself before his dupes 
 were commanded to feed, clothe and house him, and 
 before he could buy gold watches from the savings of 
 poor old maids, but honest and well-to-do business men 
 came too, looking out for the opportunities offered by a 
 new settlement in a good agricultural and commercial 
 situation. William and Wilson Law were men ot this 
 calibre ; commercially, their position in Nauvoo bears a 
 distant resemblance to that of the Walker brothers in Salt 
 Lake City, about 1870. All those men crowded around 
 the great prophet, hoping to gain influence and money 
 through him, and therefore willing to help on his schemes 
 as lieutenants and tools in general. They are received 
 with open arms, and honors of all kinds are showered 
 upon them. Before the people they are the lieutenant- 
 general's brilliant staff, and behind the coulisses they help 
 him to scheme and to conspire. 
 
 But where is President Rigdon, my servant Sidney, 
 always named first in the early revelations of the Lord ? 
 Where is the Lord's Messenger and Mouthpiece, the in- 
 spired projector, architect and great Messianic feetwasher 
 of the Kirtland temple, the great interpreter of the 
 Nephite, and scores of other records and tongues? He is 
 nowhere, I am sorry to say. I don't see him in the 
 galaxy of Bonapartes and Washingtons. He is not even a 
 colonel, like our visionary astronomer, " Professor" 
 Orson Pratt; not even a "cornet." You see him in a 
 poor little office, a log shanty, probably, the Lord's post- 
 master ; but only a postmaster after all. How are the 
 mighty fallen, and the most puissant become as a thing of 
 naught! "My Servant the Branch " is on the shelf, you 
 see, like the old rusty armor kept in Don Quixote's castle. 
 Good enough to preach an oration now and then, but he 
 was no Bonaparte or Washington, like great little Bennett. 
 I doubt whether he had any uniform at all, and as to his 
 
Mormonism a Business Religion. 139 
 
 pulpit coat and hat, he kept those costly treasures well 
 out of the reach of the wrestling prophet since 1838. He 
 was an excellent fellow for expounding the new gospel on 
 Sundays, but he was no practical kingdom-builder, no 
 business-man. Already with Bennett and Joe in Nauvoo, 
 "the Mormon God *is a business God," as that worthy 
 leader, George Q. Cannon, so well and forcibly puts it. 
 Religion is all very well for the people, but look at the 
 Jesuits; they are men of the world, the friends and 
 advisers of emperors and kings ; that's what we want now 
 "mark it, Elder Rigdon." 
 
 Yes, Elder Rigdon, you prepare for meeting and let 
 the boys have their fun. And don't they have it? The 
 Bonapartes enjoy their uniforms, write on their waving 
 banner, "The blessings of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob," 
 and conquer Eliza's, Martha's and Phebe's in the absence 
 of frowning castles and fortresses. The smart business 
 men of the Law type make hay while the sun shines. 
 High above the swarm of fortune-seekers Joseph holds the 
 prophetic rod, and his friends hope devoutly that it will 
 work to the money and make them rise, those chests of 
 money, discerned with such scientific acumen by Mr. Joseph 
 Smith, Senior, the "Abraham of this dispensation."* 
 Those smart fellows don't believe any too much in the 
 Seer and Revelator ; they know that he is a "hell of a 
 fellow with the women," but he is young, you know, and 
 he will cool down bye and bye, and then doesn't he laugh 
 about the Gold Bible humbug himself, when among his 
 nearest friends? We want to make money, and we don't 
 care how we make it. And so greed and ambition make 
 them gulp it all down, get their endowments and swear 
 even the Danite oaths. They see that the great mass of 
 people really believe it all, that they work hard and pay 
 willingly, that they "buy at our stores," build up the 
 country and city rapidly that's all we want. Let Joseph 
 get his revelations and print them in the Times and Sea- 
 sons they are cranky enough, but we don't care as long 
 as we make $50 a day by them. In five or six years, ten 
 
 * Tullidge, Joseph Smith, p. 299. 
 
14 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 at the longest, we will be rich enough to make our own 
 way without a prophet and endowment garments. 
 
 Joseph didn't care if they made game of his prophetic 
 role now and then ; he kept them with a strong hand in 
 their place as tools, all the same, and made them pay and 
 obey, never losing sight for a momei>t of his own interests 
 and his far-reaching plans. This makes him a leader in 
 in my eyes. His generals may scoff at the blindly fanatic 
 herd, but Joseph, with the instinct of the French kings 
 who relied on the people against the aspiring nobles, feels 
 himself strong on the broad basis of the believing masses, 
 and proclaims to the whole people the will of the Lord 
 concerning his clever and wealthy friends, exerting in this 
 manner a powerful pressure on those who would hesitate 
 to work for his schemes and "doe over" the ready cash 
 they possessed. 
 
 But let the "Lord" himself speak. January 19, 1841, He 
 favours His servant with the longest revelation of all the 
 lot. It must have been a busy time for the Urim and 
 TJiummim and that old white hat : 
 
 " Verily, thus saith the Lord, unto you my servant Joseph Smith, 
 I am well pleased with your offerings and acknowledgments which 
 you have made. I say unto you that you are now called immediately 
 to make a solemn proclamation of my gospel. This proclamation 
 shall be made to all the kings of the world, to the four corners thereof 
 to the honorable President-elect, to the high-minded governors of the 
 nation in which you live and to all the nations of the earth scattered 
 abroad. Awake ! O kings of the earth ! Come ye, O! come ye with 
 your gold and your silver to the help of my people to the house of the 
 daughter of Zion." 
 
 Yes, don't come with empty hands. Consecration 
 before all, and don't forget to bring your wives and daugh- 
 ters. 
 
 After having given this great outline of a financial 
 programme, the Lord proceeds to occupy himself with 
 Joseph's friends. The prophet's Richelieu, Dr. Bennett, 
 is the first named ; we have already heard the Lord's will 
 concerning the proprietor of the crooked instrument. 
 The Lord tackles next apostle Lyman Wight, Joe's Lieu- 
 tenant in 1838, a crazy Danite, who had sworn to conquer 
 St. Louis and all Missouri : 
 
The Old B lesser in Heaven. 141 
 
 " And again I say unto you, that it is my will, that my servant 
 Lyman Wight should continue in preaching for Zion, that when he 
 shall finish his work I may receive him unto myself, even as I did my 
 servant David Patten, w%o is WITH ME AT THIS TIME, and also my 
 servant Edward Partridge, and also my aged servant Joseph Smith, Sr., 
 who sitteth with Abraham, at his right hand, and blessed and holy is 
 he, for he is mine." 
 
 Here is fun for fifty generations. David Patten, Pres- 
 ident of the twelve, and leader of the Danite band, had 
 been killed in a skirmish with the Missourians. ''He is 
 with me at this time," says the Lord. And so is Partridge, 
 the first bishop of the church and father of the two poor, 
 good girls, sealed and unsealed inside of a few hours, as 
 we have seen. And so is our excellent friend Micawber- 
 Smith, who sitteth with Abraham and is, no doubt, amusing 
 the venerable patriarch by telling him those awfully funny 
 stories about the "chests of money," with which he used 
 aforetime to fix the fools for Joseph Smith, Jr. "He is 
 mine," says the Lord, but it strikes me that Old Scratch 
 would be the man to say it. 
 
 Let my servant George, and my servant Lyman, and my servant 
 John Snider and others build a house unto my name, such a one as my 
 servant Joseph shall show unto them, upon the place which he shall 
 show unto them also. And it shall be for A HOUSE OF BOARDING, a 
 house that strangers may come from afar to lodge therein therefore, 
 let it be a good house, worthy of all aceptation. This house shall be 
 a healthy habitation ; it shall be holy, or the Lord your God will not 
 dwell therein" 
 
 Joseph, Joseph, you are the master-wag of your epoch ! 
 How happily you give the vulgar, hash-smelling "boarding- 
 house" a biblical smack by terming it the "house of 
 boarding ! " You want it on your own property, of course, 
 and a good house and healthy, or you beg pardon, the 
 Lord your God will not dwell therein. Frankly, I admire 
 you, and would do so yet more, if you had revealed your 
 hotel terms at the same time, say in a little card like this : 
 
142 Mormon Portraits. 7. Joseph Smith. 
 
 THE NAUVOO MANSION HOUSE 
 
 IS NOW 
 THE LEADING HOTEL IN*ZION. 
 
 It is quiet and home-like. The rooms 
 are large and elegantly furnished. The 
 finest beds in the city. First-class Barber 
 Shop, fine Billiard Saloon, first-class Din- 
 ing Room, the tables loaded with the best 
 the market affords. In place of $3 and 
 $4 per day, charges only $2. 
 
 THE LORD & His SERVANT, 
 JOSEPH SMITH, JR., Proprietors. 
 
 Now comes the temple business. Joe opens a public 
 subscription for the building, The leading idea is that it 
 should not cost him a cent, but he hides it very happily 
 with biblical language : 
 
 "And again, verily, verily I say unto you, let all my Saints come 
 from afar; and send ye swift messengers, yea chosen messengers and 
 say unto them, come ye all with your gold, and your silver, and with 
 your precious stones and with all your antiquities ; and with all who 
 have knowledge of antiquities, and bring the box tree, the fir tree and 
 the pine tree, together with all the precious trees of the earth, and with 
 iron and with copper and with brass and with zinc, and with all your 
 precious things of the earth, and build a house to my name, for the 
 Most High to dwell therein." 
 
 All the antiquities except the old ladies, I suppose. 
 But apropos the temple, the Mormon Lord gets all of a 
 1 sudden a violent attack of Missouriphobia. 
 
 " The iniquity and transgression of my holy laws and command- 
 ments I will visit upon the heads of those who hindered my work, unto 
 the third and fourth generation, so long as they respect not, and hate 
 me, saith the Lord God. Therefore have I accepted the offerings of 
 those men whom I commanded to build up a city and a house unto 
 my name IN JACKSON COUNTY, MISSOURI, and were hindered by their 
 enemies, saith the Lord your God, and I will answer judgment, 
 wrath, indignation, wailing, anguish and gnashing of teeth, upon their 
 heads, and I will save all those of your brethren who have been slain 
 in the land of Missouri, saith the Lord." 
 
 The Lord has evidently had a chat with D. Patten, 
 "who is with me," and Patten said, "Give it to them," 
 
Joe } s Lord as Stock Jobber. 143 
 
 meaning Boggs and the Missourians. But He cools off and 
 proceeds again to business. He takes up his favorite 
 project, the house of boarding, and wants Joseph and his 
 posterity to be comfortable in it, without being bothered 
 by bills and similar inventions of Satan. I have given 
 this piece of revelation already on page 40. But another 
 question arises. How get the funds for building ? The 
 Lord finds an escape. He has learned a good deal since 
 the simple days of Abraham and Jacob. He suggests, in 
 his mild Biblical language, a stock company to his servant 
 Joseph. Who knows whether he has not had a like talk 
 about the matter with our friend Micawber, interrupting 
 him while lecturing to the other Abraham about the 
 chests of money? The "Abraham of this dispensation" 
 would be just the fellow to suggest such a plan to work 
 to the money with. I say it is an excellent religion. In 
 Missouri the Lord teaches them to steal as his agents, and 
 in Illinois he finds ever so many new ways to raise the 
 chests of money. It is a "business religion," by Jove, 
 and no wonder that you see nothing of religion at all in 
 the leaders, but only business, and sometimes crooked, too y 
 like Bennett's instrument. But hear Joe's mentor again : 
 
 " Behold ! Verily I say unto you, let my servant George Miller, 
 and my servant Lyman Wight, and my servant John Snider, and my 
 servant Peter Hawes, organize themselves and appoint one of them to 
 to be a president over their quorum for the purpose of building that 
 house." 
 
 "Organize themselves" hem, that sounds like the 
 new Abraham. Might he not have drafted the whole 
 thing ? I conclude this mainly from the following piece, 
 which shows that there was a danger that the four fellows, 
 after having organized themselves, would steal like hell, 
 not as the Lord's agents, but on their own hook. Now it 
 strikes me that the new Abraham knows those fellows 
 best. Maybe they owe him yet three dollars apiece for 
 blessings. So he goes on drafting for the Lord : 
 
 " And again, verily I say unto you, If my servant George Miller, 
 and my servant Lyman Wight, and my servant John Snider, and my 
 servant Peter Hawes receive any stock into their hands, in moneys or 
 in properties wherein they receive the real value of moneys, they shall 
 
144 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 not appropriate any portion of that stock to any other purpose, and if 
 they do, without the consent of the stockholders, and do not repay four- 
 fold, they shall be accursed, and shall be removed out of their place, 
 saith the Lord God, for I the Lord am God, and cannot be mocked in 
 any of these things." 
 
 You see, there are good reasons to be afraid that my 
 servants will steal. Well, never mind, if they repay four- 
 fold they may doit. " Four-fold" I have seen that 
 word somewhere. Oh, yes, I remember now. Lucy 
 Munchausen promises, " in the name of the spirit," to 
 repay four-fold a little loan of four or five dollars (p. 18). 
 You see, that strengthens my scientific theory that her 
 husband, the new Abraham, did draft the whole reve- 
 lation, perhaps (who knows) with the advice of the old 
 Abraham. I like that "cannot be mocked." That 
 shows the Lord's own hand again ; he added this to the 
 new Abraham's draft. You see that white-dog-story 
 (p. 79) is not yet entirely forgotten, and it was disgrace- 
 ful, to be sure, to cheat such a Lord. Why take a white 
 sheep, instead of trying honestly to get a real dog, coute 
 que coute / 
 
 " Let my servant, Isaac Galland [the horse thief] put stock in 
 that house, for I the Lord loveth him for what he hath done, and will 
 forgive all his sins, therefore let him be remembered for an interest 
 in that house from generation to generation." 
 
 You will have to shell out, Doctor, there is no help 
 for it. The little remark about " his sins " shows again 
 Micawber's hand, or I am no critic at all. I' feel sure the 
 fellow got lots of " blessings " arid never paid a red cent 
 for them. The old blesser " cannot be mocked in any of 
 these things." 
 
 " Let my servant William Law pay stock in that house for him- 
 self and his seed after him. Let him not take his family unto the 
 eastern lands, even to Kirtland. Let my servant William go and 
 proclaim mine everlasting gospel unto the inhabitants of Warsaw, of 
 Carthage, of Burlington and Madison, and then wait patiently for 
 further instructions at my general conference, saith the Lord. If he 
 will do my will let him from henceforth hearken to the counsel of my 
 servant Joseph and publish the new translation of my holy word unto 
 the inhabitants of the earth." 
 
 There is a whole programme for the wealthy mer- 
 
Hyrum Becomes a Prophet. 145 
 
 chant. " Pay stock " in the prophet's hotel; not leave 
 Nauvoo ; go preaching and wait for orders to be received 
 at my conference ; obey and pay, especially for the 
 printing of that beautiful inspired translation and correc- 
 tion of the Bible, done by Sidney Rigdon, now the 
 postmaster of the Lord. Yes, General Law, do as Mar- 
 tin Harris did, who mortgaged his farm to pay three 
 thousand dollars for the printing of five thousand copies 
 of the Book of Mormon. You are sure to get the reward 
 Martin got, the title of " old granny" in the church or- 
 gan. But it is worth trying, to fix that fool, so the Lord 
 makes him a counsellor of the prophet. Hyrum has to 
 step aside ; he becomes official blesser of the church. 
 
 " And again, verily I say unto you, let my servant William be 
 appointed, ordained and anointed as a counselor unto my servant 
 Joseph ; that my servant Hyrum may take the office of patriarch, 
 that from henceforth he shall hold the keys of the patriarchal bless- 
 ings [at three dollars apiece ; reasonable terms for families] upon the 
 heads of all my people, that whoever he blesseth shall be blessed 
 and whoever he curseth shall be cursed that whatsoever he shall 
 bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatsoever he shall 
 loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven ; and from this time forth I 
 appoint unto him that he may be a prophet, and a seer, and a reve- 
 lator unto my church, as well as my servant Joseph, and that he shall 
 receive counsel from my servant Joseph, who shall show unto him the 
 keys, whereby he may be crowned with the same blessings. I crown 
 upon his head the bishopric and blessing and glory and honour and 
 gifts of the priesthood, that once were put upon him that WAS my 
 servant Oliver Cowdery. Let my servant William Law also receive 
 the keys. . . , . ." 
 
 My head begins to spin in this chaos of blessings, 
 titles and keys. So brother Hyrum is to be another 
 prophet. How will they manage about the old White 
 Hat and the Urim and Thummim ? An old hat can be 
 bought cheap enough, but those three-cornered diamonds 
 set in glass will they use them alternately, or is Hyrum 
 to get his own set ? This seems very important and has 
 been overlooked entirely by historians of the depth of 
 Stenhouse and Tullidge. And poor Oliver Cowdery, he 
 was my servant. All his blessings and gifts go to the 
 dogs no, to Hyrum. 
 
 Last and least, in this endless revelation, comes our 
 friend Sidney Rigdon, like a lame mare behind a train. 
 
146 Mormon Portraits. I. Joseph Smith. 
 
 " And again, verily I say unto you, if my servant Sidney will 
 serve me, and offer unto me an acceptable offering [Nancy] and re- 
 main with my people, he shall again be a spokesman before my face." 
 
 It's plain enough. He shall be a slave, and all he 
 gets for it is the liberty to preach. Wouldn't it be better, 
 Elder Rigdon, to be an honest little tanner in some vil- 
 lage, than to be treated like that ? What did you say in 
 New York in the fall of 1844? " I guided the prophet's 
 tottering steps till he could walk alone." It seems Joe 
 walks alone now and your steps are tottering, old Go-to- 
 grass. 
 
 In this manner the " Messianic wave swept onward" * 
 A. D. 1841. Mormonism, the " grand universal scheme 
 of salvation and stupendous structure of divine purposes 
 and divine beneficence " f was doing its best to work to 
 the money and raise those chests, abroad and at home. 
 But as it had been in Kirtland and in Missouri Jos- 
 eph's talents and instincts as a leader were overborne by 
 his follies and crimes. He was too great, too hot a brute 
 to be successful as a schemer. He could not wait. He 
 could never defer a pleasure for a moment. If a Van- 
 derbilt were to have given him a million, he would have 
 cried : ' ' Where is the rest of it ? " 
 
 That was his motto as to all manner of enjoyment 
 money, power, women where is the rest of it? Having 
 seduced a goodly number of the wives and daughters of 
 his immediate slaves, the apostles, he now wants, forsooth, 
 my pretty Jane, my dearest Jane, William Law's wife, 
 pretty and charming Jane Law ; he wants spirited Nancy 
 Rigdon, the daughter of the man to whom he and his 
 father's house were indebted for all they had and were. 
 But these men, weren't they, like Joseph himself, Free- 
 masons, the honor of their wives and daughters sacred by 
 the rules of this order ? It is not to be expected, how- 
 ever, that Masonry can hold the prophet in any restraint. 
 Had he not prostituted the ordinances and secrets of the 
 order by mimicking and burlesquing them in his endow- 
 
 *Tullidge, p. 326. 
 f Idem, p. 133. 
 
The Conspiracy Against Caligula. 147 
 
 ments and proclaiming that he had found among the 
 f wondrous secrets of that old white hat, the crowning 
 "key "lost by the Masons, for long ages; so that, like 
 his religion, his masonry was the true and only original 
 Jacobs?* His beastly desires and reckless impudence 
 were even greater than his cunning. 
 
 All this was more than the Laws and their friends had 
 bargained for. The means at their command and their 
 abilities in business which could be carried on any- 
 where made them. independent. They were not forced, 
 like the half-illiterate tramps called apostles, to drag the 
 prophet's triumphal chariot. They were not forced to 
 make prostitutes of their wives and daughters to satisfy 
 a passing caprice of Caligula. Like causes, like effects. 
 First a frown, then a whisper, and then a plain talk be- 
 tween friends and the conspiracy is begotten. They 
 resolved to kill the tyrant, whose ravings had become in- 
 tolerable and who was sure to ruin not only their families, 
 but also their whole future prospects, by bringing down 
 the vengeance of all decent citizens of Illinois on him- 
 self and his city. But they didn't want to kill him with 
 daggers they chose a modern weapon, l and decided to 
 kill him an inch every week, by a weekly, the celebrated 
 EXPOSITOR. 
 
 You know how Macbeth felt when he saw the woods 
 marching against him. Well, Joe Smith must have felt 
 much the same when he found out that a handful of in- 
 timate friends and accomplices of his' were going to start 
 a newspaper against him, in his own city, in June, 1844. 
 The difference betwixt the old time and the new is here : 
 then you marched against a tyrant with an army, now 
 you start a little paper and it makes him tremble more 
 than the hordes of Xerxes. A newspaper is a horrible 
 thing : it sets your roof ablaze while you sit there, arms 
 bound, and can do nothing. 
 
 Who were the men who started the Expositor and 
 
 * Brigham used to call the Utah endowments Masonry after the 
 order of Enoch, and Kimball said often : " This is true Free Masonry 
 and all you that have been Masons will find how much superior this is 
 
 to common Free Masonry." 
 
 * * 
 
148 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 published the first number, June 7, 1844? The Laws 
 were decent, intelligent, well-to-do people ; so they are 
 described by Mrs. Pratt. I think they were the cleverest 
 fellows in the whole Expositor outfit. Foster was a 
 sharper, Higbee is called a Mormon hoodlum by Mr. 
 Webb. Leave aside the Laws and you may say that the 
 whole explosion of June 7 was a case of "rogues falling 
 out." But the paper was decent enough. It exposed 
 Smith, but by no means in an indecent manner ; to make 
 it short, I may truly say that the editors did not tell the 
 tenth part of what they knew. But let the reader judge 
 for himself by looking at my reprint of the most impor- 
 tant parts of the Expositor. 
 
 But Joe was furious. A theocracy is always a noli 
 me tangere as to opposition and free press in general, 
 and Joseph had especially good reasons to hate the 
 electric light of the press in his skeleton-filled museum. 
 What, oppose and expose him ? Him who had defied 
 everything and everybody, laws and courts, sheriffs and 
 militia, warrants and posses? No, that nuisance must be 
 abated. Great special meeting of the Nauvoo city coun- 
 cil on June 8. Joseph, then mayor since Bennett's 
 ungathering from Zion thunders: "I WOULD RATHER 
 
 DIE TO-MORROW AND HAVE THAT THING SMASHED, THAN 
 LIVE AND HAVE IT GO ON ! " 
 
 The city council, a nice little crowd of valets de 
 chambre of his prophetic highness, hastens to pass the 
 decree of doom on the nuisance. Says that invaluable lit- 
 tle catechism already quoted repeatedly : 
 
 Q. What was the nature of the contents of the Expositor ? 
 
 A. It contained all manner of lies and abuse of Joseph and the 
 Saints. 
 
 Q. What did the city council do in regard to this paper ? 
 
 A. It declared it a nuisance and as such ordered it to be abated. 
 
 Q. How was the order carried out? 
 
 A. The city marshal and several policemen threw the printing 
 press, etc., into the street and destroyed them. 
 
 Q._What was the result of this act ? 
 
 A. It caused great excitement among the wicked, and they sought 
 the life of Joseph and the destruction of Nauvoo. 
 
The Valiant Salt Lake Tribune. 149 
 
 This is the way theocracies always wrote and always 
 will write their history. 
 
 The city council does the prophet's bidding and the 
 police, with the marshal at its head, storms the fortress 
 of modern progress a printing office. I see, in my 
 mind's eye, our pious, zealous churchman, John D. Lee, 
 work like mad to destroy that wicked press : I see him 
 break a crowbar or two, to please the Lord. Have things 
 changed in our days?. No. The unterrified Salt Lake 
 Tribune is as well hated by the Mormon leaders as the 
 Expositor was hated by Joseph and his creatures, and the 
 present city marshal and his Lees would be only too hap- 
 py to be ordered to abate the nuisance. That the valiant 
 paper has continued so long, "belching forth all manner 
 of lies and abuse of the Saints," is due now solely to 
 saintly forbearance and magnanimity ? That is the way 
 Mormon organs and leaders put it. John Taylor, who 
 was then editor of the Times and Seasons and had a main 
 hand in squelching the freedom of the press in Nauvoo, is 
 most forbearing towards this infernal "Expositor" of our 
 days. He is warned by his prophet's fate. The Nauvoo 
 Expositor and the Nauvoo prophet were both destroyed in 
 one month. A free press is, indeed, a most outrageous 
 and horrible nuisance. It is the mirror of the public 
 conscience, the little stone of the prophet's dream, you 
 know, that shall fill the whole earth awful, awful break- 
 ing people up, playing smash with the biggest, and grind- 
 ing to powder the most top-lofty reputations ! 
 
 There is scarcely any history of Mormonism without 
 the following statement : " The first issue (June jth, 1844) 
 contained the statement of sixteen women, that Joseph Smith 
 or other Mormon leaders had attempted to seduce them under 
 the plea of heavenly permission to do so"* 
 
 Now, this statement is entirely erroneous. The cele- 
 brated and short-lived Expositor contained only three affi- 
 davits and only one of those three comes from a woman. 
 Here are the three affidavits : 
 
 *See for instance Beadle, Polygamy,/. 78. 
 
150 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 I. 
 
 I hereby certify that Hyrum Smith did (in his office) read to me a 
 written document, which he said was a revelation from God. He 
 said that he was with Joseph when it was received. He afterwards 
 gave me the document to read, and I took it to my house and read it 
 and showed it to my wife and returned it next day. The revelation 
 (so called) authorized certain men to have more wives than one at a 
 time, in this world and in the world to come. It said this was the 
 law, and commanded Joseph to enter into the laiv. And, also, that 
 he should administer to others. Several other items were in the 
 revelation, supporting the above doctrines. 
 
 (Sworn to May 4, 1844.) WM. LAW. 
 
 II. 
 
 I certify that I read the revelation referred to in the above affidavit 
 of my husband. It sustained in strong terms the doctrine of more 
 wives than one at a time, in this world and in the next. It authorized 
 some to have to the number of ten, and set forth that those women 
 who would not allow their husbands more wives than one should be 
 under condemnation before God. 
 
 (Sworn to May 4, 1844.) JANE LAW. 
 
 III. 
 
 To all 'whom it may concern : 
 
 Forasmuch as the public mind hath been much agitated by a 
 course of procedure in the Church of J. C. of L. D. S., by a number 
 of persons declaring against certain doctrines and practices therein 
 (among whom I am one), it is but meet that I should give my reasons, 
 at least in part, as a cause that hath led me to declare myself. In the 
 latter part of the summer, 1843, tne patriarch, Hyrum Smith, did, in 
 the High Council, of which I was a member, introduce what he said 
 was a revelation given through the prophet; that the said Hyrum 
 Smith did essay to read the said revelation in the said Council ; that 
 according to his reading there was contained the following doctrines : 
 I. The sealing up of persons to eternal life, against all sins, save that 
 of shedding innocent blood, or consenting thereto; 2. the doctrine of 
 a plurality of wives, or marrying virgins ; that " David and Solomon 
 had many wives, yet in this thing they sinned not, save in the matter 
 of L T riah." This revelation, with other evidence that the aforesaid 
 heresies were taught and practiced in the church, determined me to 
 leave the office of first counselor to the president of the church at 
 Nauvoo,* inasmuch as I dared not to teach or administer such laws. 
 
 (Sworn to May 4, 1844.) AUSTIN COWLES. 
 
 Those three are all the affidavits contained in the 
 * This was Wrrr, Marks, who afterwards joined the Josephites. 
 
The Little Celestial Business Office. 151 
 
 celebrated "Expositor," in its first and last number, of 
 June 7, 1844. But there are other pretty things in it. 
 Look at this little anecdote : 
 
 " Many of us have sought a reformation in the church, without a 
 public exposition of the enormities and crimes practiced by its leaders; 
 but our petitions were treated with contempt, and in many cases the 
 petitioner spurned from their presence, and particularly by Joseph, 
 who would state that if he had sinned, and was guilty of the charges 
 we would charge him with, he would not make acknowledgment, but 
 would rather be damned ; for it would detract from his dignity, and 
 would consequently ruin and prove the overthrow of the church ; he 
 often said that we would all go to hell together, and convert it into a 
 heaven by casting the Devil out; and, says he, hell is by no means 
 the place this world of fools supposed it to be, but on the contrary, it 
 is quite an agreeable place" . . . 
 
 Could Don Juan have bettered this ? But there is 
 another choice bit in that paper, describing Nauvoo as a 
 very dangerous trap for innocent females : 
 
 " It is a notorious fact that many females in foreign climes have 
 been induced by the sound of the gospel to forsake friends and come 
 over the water, as they supposed, to glorify God. . . . But what is 
 taught them on their arrival at this place ? They are visited by some 
 of the strikers and are requested to hold on and be faithful, for there are 
 great blessings awaiting the righteous; and that God has great 
 mysteries in store for those who love the Lord and cling to Brother 
 Joseph. They are also notified that Brother Joseph will see them 
 soon and reveal the mysteries of heaven to their full understanding, 
 which seldom fails to inspire them with new confidence in the 
 prophet, as well as a great anxiety to know what God has laid up in 
 store for them, in return for the great sacrifice of father and mother, 
 gold and silver. . . . They are visited again. They are requested to 
 meet Brother Joseph, or some of the Twelve, at some insulated point, 
 or at some particularly described place on the bank of the Mississippi, 
 or at some room which bears upon its front : Positively No Admittance. 
 The unsuspecting creatures are so devoted to the prophet and the 
 cause of Jesus Christ, that they do not dream of the deep-laid scheme. 
 They meet him expecting a blessing and learn the will of the Lord 
 concerning them, when instead they are told, after having been sworn 
 to secrecy in the most solemn manner, with a penalty * of death 
 attached, that God Almighty has revealed it to him that she should be 
 his (Joseph's) spiritual wife, for it was right anciently, and God will 
 tolerate it again ; but we must keep those pleasures and blessings 
 from the world, for until there is a change in the government we will 
 endanger ourselves by practicing it if we do not expose ourselves to 
 the law of the land. She is thunderstruck, faints, recovers and 
 
152 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 refuses. The prophet damns her if she rejects. She thinks of the 
 great sacrifice, and of the many thousand miles she has traveled over 
 sea and land that she might save her soul from ruin, and replies : 
 * God's will be done, and not mine.' The next step, to avoid public 
 exposition, from the common course of things, they are sent away for 
 a time until all is well, after which they return, as from a long visit ! " 
 
 Now you wouldn't expect the prophet to subscribe for 
 such an infernal sheet, would you? And you wouldn't 
 expect either that he would display it in his hotel, pre- 
 serve it with care all the year through, and then have the 
 file nicely bound for reference ? Oh no, Joseph did with 
 the Expositor what Taylor and Cannon would like to do 
 with the Tribune every day of the year, if they dared. 
 The Prophet promptly destroyed the young viper, putting 
 the full weight of his heavy foot on it. 
 
 A few days afterwards he had to go to Carthage, 
 where the county court was. He had very grave misgiv- 
 ings about that trip, this mayor-prophet and general. 
 His temper was eminently sanguine and kept him gener- 
 ally on top, where others would have sunk, but this time 
 he saw the coming tempest. He had moments now 
 when he cursed his own folly. "Joseph repented of his 
 connection with the spiritual wife doctrine and said that 
 it was of the devil . . . he said that he was going to Car- 
 thage to die." So says Sheen, an old friend of the 
 Prophet. Ah, pay-day had come round and Joseph 
 felt it. 
 
 "There are sins which can only be atoned by the 
 shedding of blood." Didn't you say so often, brother 
 Brigham ? Verily, there are ! 
 
The Martyr and His Revolver. 153 
 
 THE LYNCHING OF JOSEPH SMITH. 
 
 The Scene in Carthage Jail Death of Hyrum Smith 
 A Fighting Lamb Execution of the Prophet His 
 Last Miracle The "Expositor" Once More The 
 Dissenters 1 Prospectus of May 10 1844 Stern Pro- 
 test Against Theocracy The Godbeites of 1844 
 Protest Against Danitism and Endowments A 
 Nauvoo Trial Lee Babbles Again Review of Jos- 
 eph s Career and Character A Vision of Joseph 's 
 Monument Calvary and Carthage. 
 
 Joseph Smith died in good western style, with his 
 boots on. The circumstances of the prophet's "martyr- 
 dom" were of a highly dramatic character. Says an 
 eye-witness : 
 
 " Elder John Taylor had been singing a hymn. From this pleas- 
 ant communion they were aroused by curses, threats and the heavy 
 and fierce rush of the mob up the stairs. Hyrum stood near the 
 center of the room, in front of the door. The mob fired a ball 
 through the panel of the door, which entered Hyrum's head, at the 
 left side of his nose. He fell upon his back exclaiming : ' I am a 
 d?ad man ! ' In all, four balls entered his body. One ball (it must 
 have been fired through the window from the outside) passed through 
 his body with such force entering his back that it completely broke 
 to pieces a watch which he wore in his vest pocket. 
 
 " A shower of balls were poured through all parts of the room. A 
 few hours previous to this a friend of General Joseph Smith put in his 
 possession a revolving pistol with six chambers, usually called a * pep- 
 per box.' With this in hand he took a position by the wall at the 
 left of the door. Joseph reached his pistol through the door, which 
 was pushed a little ajar, and fired three of the barrels, the rest missed 
 fire. He wounded three of the assailants, two mortally." 
 
 That revolver in the hand -of the "lamb that goes to 
 the slaughter" is highly characteristic. That Joseph 
 fired three shots, is true. As to wounding anybody, still 
 less mortally, I have no proof. Mr. Webb says he never 
 heard of it. 
 
154 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 " Elder Taylor took a position beside the door with Elder Rich- 
 ards and parried off their muskets with walking sticks, as they were 
 firing. Elder Taylor continued parrying their guns, until they had 
 got them about half the length into the room, when he found resist- 
 ance vain and attempted to jump out of the window. Just then a 
 ball from within struck him on the left thigh. He fell on the window- 
 sill and expected he would fall out, when a ball from without struck 
 his watch and threw him back into the room. Elder Richards was 
 still contending with the assailants at the door, when General Joseph 
 Smith dropped his pistol upon the floor, saying : ' There, defend 
 yourselves as well as you can.' He sprang into the window, but just 
 as he was preparing to descend, he saw such an array of bayonets 
 below that he caught by the window casing, where he hung by his 
 hands and feet, his body swinging downwards. He hung in that 
 position three or four minutes, during which time he exclaimed, two 
 or three times, <O Lord, my God ! ' and fell to the ground. While he 
 was hanging in that position, Colonel Williams halloed : ' Shoot him ! 
 God damn him ! shoot the damned rascal ! ' However, none fired 
 at him." 
 
 While looking out of the window, or while hanging 
 suspended by it, Joseph cried, "Is there no help for the 
 widow's son?" One of the prophet's spiritual wives, 
 Zina Huntingdon (see about her, pp. 67, 70) gave this 
 detail in a packed public meeting in Brigham's theatre, 
 some years ago. Joseph's cry was an appeal to the 
 Masons, whom he had betrayed and who were surely 
 rather infuriated than calmed by this appeal. 
 
 "Joseph seemed to fall easily. He struck partly on his right 
 shoulder and back, his neck and head reaching the ground a little 
 before his feet. He rolled instantly on his face. From this position 
 he was taken by a young man who sprang to him from the other side 
 of the fence, who had a pewter fife in hand, was barefoot and bare- 
 headed, having on no coat, with his pants rolled above his knees, and 
 shirt-sleeves above his elbows, lie set Smith against the south side 
 of the well-curb that was situated a few feet from the jail. While 
 doing this, he muttered aloud: 'This is old Jo; I know him. I 
 know you, old Jo ; damn you ! ' When Smith began to recover from 
 the effects of the fall, Colonel Williams ordered four men to shoot 
 him. Accordingly, four men took an eastern direction, about eight 
 feet from the curb, and made ready to execute the order. The fire 
 was simultaneous. A slight cringe of the body was all the indication 
 of pain that he betrayed when the balls struck him. He fell upon 
 his face. I was close by him, and I know that he was not hit with a 
 ball until after he was seated by the well-curb. The murder took 
 place at fifteen minutes past five o'clock p. m., June 27, 1844." 
 
A Brutal Scene and a False Miracle. 155 
 
 Now comes a little pious lie to show up the Messianic 
 character of the peeper. The " Lord " had looked on 
 quietly while His servant was hanging to the window-sill, 
 and while the mob were shooting him, but now He finds 
 it's time to work a little miracle : 
 
 " The ruffian who set him against the well-curb now secured a 
 bowie knife for the purpose of severing his head from the body. He 
 raised the knife, and was in the attitude of striking, when a light, 
 sudden and powerful, burst from the heavens, passing its vivid chain 
 between Joseph and his murderers; that they were struck with awe 
 and filled with consternation. The arm of the ruffian who held the 
 knife fell powerless ; the muskets of the four who fired fell to the 
 ground, and they all stood like marble statues, not having power to 
 move a single limb of their bodies. By this time most of the men had 
 fled in great disorder. I never saw so frightened a set of men before. 
 Colonel Williams saw the light and was also badly frightened, but he 
 did not entirely lose the use of his limbs or speech. Seeing the condi- 
 tion of these men, he halloed to some who had just commenced to 
 retreat, for God's sake to come and carry off these men. They came 
 back and carried them by main strength towards the baggage wagons. 
 They seemed as helpless as if they were dead." 
 
 I need scarcely say that no Gentile witnessed this mir- 
 acle; they are not made for the eyes of the wicked, those 
 miracles, but are just like the apparitions of angels, golden 
 plates, etc.; they belong to the />^<2r/-order, so you had 
 better move aside, you Gentile hogs. We will now com- 
 pare this Mormon tale with the statement of the young 
 " border ruffian " from Iowa, who set Joseph against the 
 well-curb : * 
 
 " When I got to him [Joseph] he was trying to get up. He 
 appeared stunned by the fall. I struck him in the face and said : 'Old 
 Joe, damn you, where are you now? ' I then set him up against the 
 well-curb and went away from him." 
 
 The name of the youth is Wm. Web. He is apparently 
 one of the Sansculottes, always springing up in times of 
 popular excitement. I would not like to sleep in the same 
 room with that fellow, neither would you, my gentle 
 reader, I guess. The whole crowd that concocted and 
 enacted the tragedy is not at all to my taste. Suppose we 
 
 * See both statements in full in "The Martyrs," by Lyman O. Lit- 
 tlefield, 1882. 
 
156 Mormon Portraits. I. Joseph Smith. 
 
 had been in Rome at the time that Julius Caesar was killed, 
 we would most probably not have felt like embracing his 
 murderers, though Brutus is surely one of the noblest fig- 
 ures in history. There is always something revolting in a 
 man's taking the law in his own hands : streaming blood 
 is a terrible accuser. Charles- 1. was a sinful, treacherous 
 king, but his bloody spectre will always stand near the 
 great figure of Cromwell. But have we the right to be 
 sentimental and, because we detest deeds of violence and 
 brutality, close our eye to the causes which, with stringent 
 need, produced them? Are we justified in saying, with a 
 recent writer, that the killing of Joseph was one of the 
 most disgraceful murders ever committed ? It may well 
 be urged that lynching is disgraceful in itself I have 
 nothing to do with that point, and wish to leave it aside. 
 The assassination of Joseph Smith was surely no common 
 murder, no act of private vengeance ; it was a violent 
 manifestation of the vox populi, the execution of a most 
 dangerous criminal by the people. The men who did it 
 were entirely right /;/ their view of the character of their 
 man. This is the only side ol the question I feel justified 
 in dealing with. 
 
 Let us first look at the nearest cause of the tragedy, 
 the destruction of the Expositor office. Put yourself in 
 the place of the editors of that sheet, and would it surprise 
 you if they had prepared a bomb filled with scores of 
 scandalous anecdotes and the most scathing abuse ? 
 They surely did not lack that kind of matter, and they 
 had a good example in the little book of Dr. John C. 
 Bennett. He acted against Joe as my friend Henri 
 Rochefort acted against the little nephew of the great 
 Napoleon in his Lanterne. Mormon writers, to palliate 
 Joseph's proceeding against the new-born weekly, describe 
 the Expositor as such a poisonous sheet. We have already 
 heard the opinion of the little Catechism about it. Mr. 
 Littlefield verdantly remarks in his pamphlet, "The Mar- 
 tyrs " : "They [the editors of the Expositor} knew that 
 establishing a libelous and venal newspaper would not be 
 agreeable to Joseph ; hence a paper of that class was 
 started. Its columns teemed with vituperative abuse of 
 
Governor Murray and Editor Goodwin. 157 
 
 Joseph and his friends. The tone of the sheet was vul- 
 gar, scurrilous and untruthful. The people felt themselves 
 outraged." 
 
 The reader has already convinced himself that the 
 Expositor was nothing of the kind. It was rather a timid 
 and gentle kind of opposition sheet, quite cautious and 
 guarded and modest. On the loth of May the editors 
 had issued their prospectus. Among the things they pro- 
 posed to advocate were : 
 
 " The unconditional repeal of the charter of Nauvoo, 
 to restrain and correct the abuses of the UNIT POWER, to 
 ward off the rod which is held over the devoted heads of 
 the citizens of Nauvoo and the surrounding country, to 
 advocate unmitigated DISOBEDIENCE TO POLITICAL REVE- 
 LATION, to advocate and exercise the FREEDOM OF SPEECH 
 in Nauvoo, independent of the ordinance abridging the 
 same to give toleration to every man's religious senti- 
 ments and sustain ALL in worshiping their God according 
 to the monitions of their consciences, as guaranteed by 
 the Constitution of our country, and to oppose with un- 
 compromising hostility any UNION OF CHURCH AND STATE 
 
 OR ANY PRELIMINARY STEPS TENDING TO THE SAME." 
 
 Is there a citizen's heart in this immense, free country, 
 without an echo to such words ? Could free citizens 
 express better sentiments, and could it be done in more 
 decent and dignified language ? Is this not absolutely 
 the same cry for justice, coming since so many years from 
 the lips and pens of every true American citizen in the 
 Territory of Utah, and resounding so nobly from the 
 official acts of Governor Murray, and the writings of one 
 of the most able and fearless editors of this country, 
 Judge Goodwin ? 
 
 The first and last number of the Expositor, dated June 
 7, 1844, was just as temperate and truthful as the pros- 
 pectus, issued four weeks before. The editors of the 
 paper, as will be seen, acted as Godbe and his friends did 
 twenty-five years later, with the same danger to their 
 lives and property. Their motto was not subversion, but 
 purification of Mormonism and the desire to harmonize it 
 
158 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 with modern civilization, with individual freedom of 
 thought and action. .Says the Expositor : 
 
 " The editors believe that the religion of the Latter-day Saints, as 
 originally taught by Joseph Smith, which is contained in the Old and 
 New Testaments, Book of Covenants, and Book of Mormon, is VERILY 
 TRUE. But with Joseph Smith, and many other official characters in 
 the church, faith, hope, virtue and charity are words without mean- 
 ings attached. We hope many items of doctrine, as now taught, some 
 of which, however, are taught secretly and denied openly, and others 
 publicly, considerate men will treat with contempt. We are earnestly 
 seeking to explode the vicious principles of Joseph Smith and those 
 who practice the same abominations and whoredoms. The sword of 
 truth shall not depart from the thigh until we can enjoy those glorious 
 privileges which nature's God and our country's laws have guaranteed 
 to us freedom of speech, the liberty of the press, and the right to 
 worship God as seemeth us good. We are aware that we are 
 hazarding every earthly blessing, particularly property, and probably 
 life itself. ..." 
 
 Is this libelous and venal ? Is it vulgar, scurrilous and 
 untruthful, or is it the essence of sobriety and dignity, 
 compared with Joseph's piratical expressions, that he 
 would rather be damned than confess his sins, and that 
 they would all go to hell together, cast the* Devil out, 
 etc.? Is it not all most truthful in the light of facts pub- 
 lished in this volume ? and is it not extremely moderate, 
 coming from men who knew ten times more of the 
 abominations practiced in Nauvoo than I do? But hear 
 the Expositor further : 
 
 " We protest against the doctrine of unconditional sealing up to 
 eternal life against all crimes except that of shedding innocent blood. 
 
 . . . We disapprobate every attempt to unite church and State, the 
 effort being made by Joseph Smith for POLITICAL POWER and influ- 
 ence. . . . We protest against the hostile spirit and conduct manifested 
 by Joseph Smith and many of his associates towards MISSOURI. , . . 
 We hold that all church-members are alike amenable to the laws of 
 the land. . . . We consider the religious influence exercised in 
 financial concerns by Joseph Smith unjust. . . . We consider the 
 gathering (to Zion) in haste and by sacrifice, to be contrary to the 
 will of God ; it has been taught by Joseph Smith and others for the 
 purpose of selling property at most exorbitant prices. . . . The wealth 
 which is brought to this place is swallowed up by the one great throat. 
 
 . . . The monies collected by missionaries sent abroad, for the 
 temple and other purposes, are a humbug practiced by Joseph and 
 others, as we do not believe that the monies and property so collected 
 
A Weekly Guillotine. 159 
 
 have been applied as the donors expected. . . . Joseph buying the 
 lands near Nauvoo and selling them to the saints at tenfold advance. 
 . . . We consider all SECRET SOCIETIES under PENAL OATHS and 
 OBLIGATIONS to be anti-Christian. . . . That we will not acknowledge 
 any man as KING or law-giver to the church, for Christ is King. . . . 
 We protest against the SPOILING OF THE GENTILES." 
 
 The bare fact that Joseph could not stand more than 
 one number of this little paper, shows how true its allega- 
 tions were; and don't they put it home, Messrs. Brutus 
 and Cassius Law ? The complaint about Joseph's traf- 
 ficking for political power, the incendiary attacks on 
 Missouri, all the while belched forth in Mormon 
 "sermons" and papers, the Danite and endowment 
 oaths, the robberies practiced on non-Mormons is it not 
 all simple truth, and decently and manfully expressed ? 
 Was it not cheap, after all, at $2 per annum, and with a 
 fine noVel in the bargain, " Adelaine, or the Two 
 Suitors ' ' ? 
 
 There is a little line in this first Expositor number 
 that made the "ruler over many things" feel a good 
 deal worse than his Lord had felt over the white sheep. 
 It is this : "In our subsequent numbers several affidavits 
 will be published to substantiate the facts alleged." It is 
 bad enough to be killed once ; but to be told that you 
 will be beheaded once a week, fifty-two times in the 
 year that was a good deal worse than Emma's resistance 
 against the law of Sarah. The high spirits of Mine 
 Anointed were gone ; nothing pleased him any more, not 
 even the works of Abraham. That sacred log near the 
 river must have felt deserted and melancholy. No more 
 talk about all the women. I doubt if the prophet could 
 have got sealed to more than half a dozen new wives 
 between June 7 and 27; times were too squally. 
 
 One of the minor conspirators, Higbee. went to Car- 
 thage and made a complaint before the justice of the 
 peace. The constable came to Nauvoo, and immediately 
 the usual comedy was enacted. Joseph had built a sort of 
 unconquerable castle of charters and ordinances. When- 
 ever he or one of his friends was accused, the case was 
 brought before the municipal court of Nauvoo, of which 
 
160 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 the prophet was president by virtue of his office as mayor. 
 That court had power to grant writs of habeas corpus, and 
 to decide as to the merits of any case. What else could 
 such a proceeding be but a most contemptible farce? 
 Judge the Pope by a court of twelve common monks ! 
 Says Mr. Littlefield : 
 
 " It was decided by the Court that Joseph Smith had acted under 
 proper authority in destroying the establishment of the Nauvoo Ex- 
 positor ; that his orders were executed in an orderly and judicious 
 manner, with otit noise or tumult; that this was a malicious persecu- 
 tion on the part of F. M. Higbee, and that said Higbee pay costs of 
 suit, and that Joseph Smith be honorably discharged from the accus- 
 ation of the writ and go hence without delay. The other [seventeen] 
 brethren were arrested the next day, and they also petitioned and 
 obtained a writ of habeas corpus and we're tried before the municipal 
 court on that day ; and, after witnesses had been examined as in the 
 case of Joseph, they were all honorably discharged from the accusa- 
 tions and arrests. The court decided that Higbee pay the costs of 
 the suits." 
 
 The "orderly and judicious manner, without noise 
 or tumult," is intensely funny. Says Lee* the great ad- 
 mirer of the prophet : 
 
 " The printing press and the grocery of Higbee & Foster were 
 declared nuisances and ordered to be destroyed. The owners refused 
 to comply with the decision of the city council, and the mayor [Joe] 
 ordered the press and type destroyed, which was done. . The owner 
 of the grocery employed John Eagle, a regular bully, and others to 
 defend it. As the police entered, or attempted to enter, Eagle stood 
 in the door and knocked three of them down. As the third one fell 
 the prophet struck Eagle under the ear and brought him sprawling to 
 the ground. He then crossed Eagle's hands and ordered them to be 
 tied, saying that he could not see his men knocked down while in 
 the line of their duty, without protecting them." 
 
 What a truly formidable "lamb!" A lamb worth 
 six policemen, at the very lowest. It would have been a 
 match for Sullivan, that lamb. It was too weak for 
 work, but as to knocking down a fellow and enjoying any 
 amount of comfortable living and pleasure, there was no 
 end of endurance in that lamb. 
 
 Let us return to the sad scene in the yard of Carthage 
 jail. A twenty years' career of deception and crime has 
 
 * Confession, p. 153. 
 
Career of a Great Criminal. 1 6 1 
 
 been concluded. The citizens of Illinois had found out 
 the impostor, law-breaker and conspirator, just as the cit- 
 izens of Ohio and Missouri had done. Twelve years 
 before, he and Rigdon had been 'tarred and feathered by 
 outraged citizens in Ohio ; six years before, the same 
 founders of the new gospel had to flee for their lives from 
 Kirtland, hotly pursued by the victims of their swindles; 
 a few months afterward the " commander-in-chief of the 
 armies of Israel" barely escaped military execution in 
 Missouri for armed rebellion and crimes of all kinds. 
 
 The criminal career of the impostor had been con- 
 stantly widening, and his schemes, all calculated to be a 
 profit to himself and an injury to all others, had constantly 
 become deeper and more systematic. Originally bent on 
 living without work, he concludes by trying to become a 
 millionaire ; originally seducing a poor girl, now and 
 then, he finally wants all the women he sees ; originally 
 the ruler of a handful of fanatics, he finally dreams of an 
 empire; originally intent on making a little speculation 
 with the Gold Bible, he turns the small fraud into a 
 gigantic one by pretending to be a prophet and insep- 
 arable friend and mouthpiece of the Almighty, and 
 superior to the old prophets and apostles. Every success 
 in crime makes him wish for more in the same line ; the 
 sight of a hundred dupes creates the desire to dupe 
 thousands, and finally the whole world, with visions, 
 revelations and translations. 
 
 The impostor aggravates his crimes by heartless sneers 
 at those who have been useful to him arid are so no more. 
 His laugh at the damned fools he has fixed becomes 
 speedily a threat of murder to those who refuse to join 
 him in his criminal schemes. Not content to commit 
 crimes himself, he educates large masses of a dangerously 
 ignorant and fanatic kind systematically to become 
 despisers and breakers of political and social laws. To 
 his* pernicious teachings he adds the most dangerous 
 element of profound secrecy, terrible oaths and punish- 
 ments. He tempts men by pandering to their basest 
 instincts, and, worst of all, covers all his open and secret 
 wrongs with the mantle of religion. He exasperates the 
 
1 62 Mormon Portraits. I. Joseph Smith. 
 
 peaceful inhabitants of Ohio, Missouri and Illinois by 
 impudently "consecrating" their homes and property, 
 and by depriving them of all legitimate political power, 
 wherever he and his fanatics are in the majority. He 
 makes them feel that he is capable of any deed of violence, 
 any dark scheme, and that the only obstacles that separate 
 him from his ends are not conscience, law and duty, but 
 want of opportunity and fear of defeat. He makes them 
 feel that, as a body, his followers are not only a dark 
 cloud of ravenous locusts, but a band of desperadoes, 
 knowing no law but the command of their brigand chiefs, 
 and not hesitating to help each other in any emergency, 
 be it with a club, knife or gun in a skirmish, be it with 
 hard false swearing in court. 
 
 But is there no law, are there no judges, are there no 
 juries ? Sure enough, there are lots of those splendid in- 
 stitutions, but they don't always work as they should. You 
 have read of old Scrooge, that bad weather did not know 
 where to have him? Well, the law didn't know where to 
 have the prophet. From the beginning of this " church," 
 blind obedience has drowned ordinary conscience in its 
 followers ; blind obedience has always had this result and 
 always will have. This unconditional serfdom always in- 
 sured on Joseph's side any amount of exculpating witnesses, 
 alibi's, entire ignorance of facts, and, if need be, perjury. 
 Add to this, that juries and judges can be intimidated in 
 certain cases : many a good jnan doesn't want his cattle 
 to be stolen and his house to be burned just for the satis- 
 faction of having found guilty a petty thief. And when 
 Joseph's political power was growing, he used it not only 
 to steal into unheard-of city charters, he used it on all- 
 weak representatives of the law, among whom, just as to- 
 day, were many demagogues looking out for office. 
 Besides, Joseph was never sparing of the money of his 
 dupes, where he could employ legal talent to save his 
 prophetic hide. I have seen statements of very large 
 sums spent in this way, and money went no doubt very 
 often to bribe witnesses or spirit them off. In this 
 manner the fact that he was tried and aquitted about forty 
 times is easily explained. 
 
Joseph the Original, Brigham the Copy. 163 
 
 Now, Judge Lynch is an eminently practical gentle- 
 man, with a very small amount of regard for technical 
 niceties, and with a fell resolve to lose as little time as 
 possible. This latter characteristic may be explained by 
 the total absence of any fee-system observable in this 
 branch of justice. Judge Lynch doesn't want any office ; 
 he measures neither a man's political influence, nor his 
 pocket he measures only his neck, so as to limit the ex- 
 penses for rope, etc., with a high sense of economy, as far 
 as compatible with decency and efficiency. In the case of 
 "Generals" Joseph and Hyrum Smith some extra outlay 
 for powder and balls was readily allowed, the military 
 rank of the delinquents justifying fully such extravagance, 
 not to speak of their yet higher rank as prophets, seers 
 and revelators. 
 
 Good-bye, Joseph and Hyrum ! Your bloody end 
 fills me with something like awe, and with a certain sym- 
 pathy for you. Your manner of death was not altogether 
 unworthy of braver and better men than you were. I am 
 not naturally given to hating people, and I might even 
 feel a gentle stirring of something like sympathy for the 
 most cunning of rascals and murderers, Brigham Young, 
 had he finished on the end of a rope instead of dying 
 comfortably by dysentery. You, Joe Smith, were an orig- 
 inal, and will, as such, always claim the warm interest of 
 artistic gentlemen like myself. Brigham was only your 
 copy, Joe ; he stole your church and kingdom ideas, and 
 made a vast and cold system of robbery and murder out of 
 them. Your passions made a splendid harlequin of you 
 he was too cold, too cunning, too avaricious to lose his 
 head ; for if there is an expensive thing it's a craze. You 
 are intensely funny ; Brigham never had the merit of be- 
 ing ridiculous. You were an irregular bandit, he was a 
 methodical Shylock ; you were amusing, he is tedious ; you 
 are interesting., he is only detestable. 
 
 Yes, Joe, you will live in the memory of mankind-as a 
 grand harlequin, when Brigham, the great scoundrel, will 
 be long forgotten. You are the boss juggler and con- 
 jurer of the age. Your gold plates, your mysterious book, 
 your peep-stone, your sword of Laban and breast-plate, 
 
164 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 your uniform, your titles, your white dog and your bleed- 
 ing Spaniard, your banking sand-boxes, your "Lord," your 
 house of boarding, your log on the river, your little room 
 for the celestial business, your oil-bottle was there ever 
 a choice little outfit like this? Why, Joe, I assure you, I 
 felt tired at Barnum's in half an hour, but in the galleries 
 of your Vatican I feel good since many months. No, 
 don't blush, it is no compliment. I speak the truth. 
 You will stand out in history a grand figure with your face 
 in the hat and the stone in the hat. Sculptors will have 
 no difficulty in designing your monuments. I see a statue 
 of yours right before my mind's eye, your right foot on 
 the neck of a tax-collector, your right fist behind the ear 
 of bully John Eagle, your left holding the little oil bottle. 
 I see the shining gold letters of the pedestal : " Do ye the 
 works of Abraham," or, "It is your privilege to have all 
 the wives you want," or, "Where is the rest of it?" 
 and the little bas reliefs on the pedestal of your monu- 
 ment oh, I wish I could resurrect Benvenuto Cellini to 
 work them. I see the immaculate white dog and the 
 bleeding Spanish ghost ; I see you kneeling in the corn- 
 field and praying with all the fervor of a new-born Meth- 
 odist ; I see you taking a handful of fifty-cent pieces and 
 covering carefully the sand in the boxes at Kirtland; I see 
 the new Abraham, your excellent father, holding a rod 
 and surrounded by innumerable chests of money ; I see 
 your little mother, holding in either hand a big, three- 
 cornered diamond ; I see cunning little Bennett, asking 
 for Orson Pratt's rifle, and then there he is again, with 
 something " hid up" in his left sleeve. I see all those 
 things worked admirably in lustrous bronze and set in 
 marble, just as the three-cornered diamonds were set in 
 glass. And far beyond all mundane effigies, I see thee a 
 god, Joe, in the celestial kingdom, your white hat shin- 
 ing and radiant like the morning sun ; and thou sittest 
 smiling betwixt the two Abrahams. The Lord steps up 
 to ye> arm in arm with David Patten, and thou hast, all 
 of you, a glorious chat about the good old Nauvoo times. 
 Mormonism produces not only great prophets, it gives 
 us great writers, too, and more especially poets and his- 
 
Four Maxims of "Our Holy Religion" 165 
 
 torians. Let me recommend to you, before all, Edward 
 Tullidge, Esq., for love of truth, just comparisons, and 
 graphic power in general. Says this passionately vera- 
 cious historian, of Joseph's death: 
 
 " Thus lived, and labored and loved and died the martyr prophet 
 of the nineteenth century. Thus flashed athwart the black midnight 
 of this age the light of the latter days. But the darkness compre- 
 hended it not; and even as one of old was he betrayed and sacrificed. 
 Back to that scene on Calvary leaps the thought of man. Instinctively 
 are associated the tragedy of that day and the tragedy of this. In 
 the agony of death appears the self-same spirit," etc. 
 
 Calvary and Carthage the comparison is just, after all. 
 But leave out the cross in the centre, will you? 
 
 DANITES AND DESTROYING ANGELS. 
 
 John Taylor Hides Another Pearl " Gath " and Phil 
 Robinson Origin of Danitism Smith and Rigdon 
 Preach " Oneness" or Death The "Salt Sermon" 
 Fight at Gallatin Death of the Danite Apostle 
 Btigham Young, the Treacherous Danite Murderers 
 as Preachers and Missionaries Martyr Parley Pratt 
 an Assassin Affidavits of Apostles Marsh and Hyde 
 -Joe Goes Back on Dr. Avard Clinching State- 
 ment of David Whitmer The Danites of 1868 
 Mrs. Pratt Settles the Question. 
 
 The Mormon leaders kept up their lying about polyg- 
 amy for a period of more than ten years, calling, as 
 accused criminals often do, God and the angels as witnes- 
 ses that they were speaking the truth. Since 1852 their 
 tactics have changed. They now confess polygamy, but 
 not that they have been lying. Lying in this " church" 
 is "hiding pearls from the swine ;" stealing is taking as 
 the Lord's agents ; seducing other people's wives is exalt- 
 ing, and killing people is saving them. 
 
1 66 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 A man who has ten wives living and declares solemnly 
 that he never heard of polygamy, is naturally just the 
 person to whom you would look when in search of a re- 
 liable statement. At that very same discussion in Bou- 
 logne, France, 1850, where John Taylor denied the 
 existence of polygamy in the Mormon "church," Rev. 
 James Robinson, one of his opponents, asked : 
 
 " Was there not a body of men amongst the Mormonites called 
 '* Danites," or "Destroying Angels," who were banded together to 
 assassinate such as were supposed to be enemies of the body ? And 
 had not the existence of these men caused the hostility of the Ameri- 
 cans to the Mormonite body?" 
 
 In reply John Taylor said : 
 
 "We are again very soberly told about "Danites" and "Des- 
 troying Angels." I never happened to be acquainted with any of 
 those among the Latter-Day Saints." 
 
 John Taylor was advanced to the Mormon apostle- 
 ship in 1838, and David Patten, who was then president 
 of this quorum of twelve, being also a leading spirit 
 among the Danites, I cannot doubt for a moment that 
 Taylor had taken the Danite oaths himself in Missouri in 
 1838. But he was resolved to hide this other pearl, too. 
 I saw once in Paris, in the Hotel de Ventes, a collection of 
 pearls, belonging to Madame Blanc, exposed for sale. I 
 thought then I had never seen so many, so big and so fine 
 pearls. But I confess I was mistaken; those pearls were 
 a handful of dried peas compared with that splendid 
 church collection, now guarded by old John Taylor. I 
 wonder whether they don't employ Joe's bleeding Span- 
 iard as a kind of night watchman for their church pearls. 
 It would be just the kind of a job such a fellow would 
 like. 
 
 Whenever a stranger who is thought of some conse- 
 quence arrives in Salt Lake City, the church diplomats 
 " make a business of it " to get hold of him and give him 
 '" the facts" about important points of church history. 
 By accident Apostle Richards, the keeper of the histor- 
 ian's pearls, did so with me. No wonder that a man like 
 Gath, the brilliant journalist, wrote in 1871, after having 
 had chats with Brigham, George A. Smith, George Q. 
 Cannon and other great men : 
 
Gath Discovers a Mormon Thackeray. 167 
 
 " Human life in Utah is safer than probably anywhere in civili- 
 zation The industrious political vagabonds who write letters 
 
 from Utah to the East, have created the band of ' Danites ' and other 
 hobgoblins out of air and foolscap." 
 
 Gath had, of course, no idea that he was furthering 
 the schemes of the most cunning rascals on earth while 
 he wrote these lines. He could not conceive the idea 
 that those smooth, smiling, clean-shaved gentlemen were 
 liars. I guess that Gath, if invited by King Claudius, 
 would write to the Enquirer : " I find the king to be the 
 essence of chivalry and hospitality. Polonius is a great 
 diplomat and scholar on the decline. Prince Hamlet is 
 an intolerable crank, if not an outright madman." For 
 doesn't Gath call Porter Rockwell, who is never remem- 
 bered by decent people here without a shudder, "a fat, 
 curly-haired, good-natured chap?" And he had a talk 
 with him! Again, what does he say of the disgusting, 
 dull, beastly fanatic, George A. Smith, Brigham's tool and 
 courier in preparing the murder of the Arkansas emi- 
 grants in 1857 : 
 
 " Smith is one of us literary folks ; a man of the stamp of THACK - 
 ERAY and WASHINGTON IRVING not equal to them in degree, per- 
 haps, but in nature the same a chaste, tender and religious 
 
 husband, father, friend and gentleman." 
 
 How they must chuckle, those Mormon diplomats, when 
 they read the books and articles of those most gloriously 
 fixed fools ! George A. Smith, a Thackeray or Washing- 
 ton Irving ! Gath might have told us of Sappho R. 
 Snow, Caius Sempronius Rockwell, Cornelius Tacitus 
 Tullidge ! If men of the talent and calibre of Gath are 
 capable of such atrocities in open daylight, what would 
 you expect from the "illustrious obscure" smaller fry of 
 strolling scribblers not to speak of wretched literary 
 outcasts who sell themselves so much a page or line?* 
 
 * It is a notorious fact, known here to all persons interested in 
 such matters, that PHIL ROBINSON, who came here some years ago, 
 sent by the then tottering New York World, wrote " Saints and Sin- 
 ners " in the pay of the Mormon leaders. He confessed this fact in 
 Ogden just before leaving this profitable territory. But no confession 
 is needed, the "book" shows the patent fact on every page. 
 
1 68 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 Missouri, "the land of your enemies," was the cradle 
 of the Danites, and fanatic Sidney Rigdon their inventor. 
 I believe that Sidney, impostor and scoundrel as he was, 
 was still a greater crank and fanatic. I feel sure that he 
 came half to believe in the fraud fabricated by himself, 
 and really imagined himself to be the man called by the 
 Lord to restore the "House of Israel." John D. Lee 
 gives a graphic description of the stormy times in Mis- 
 souri immediately preceding the " Mormon war." He 
 makes it plain that the eternal cry of PERSECUTION is 
 nothing but a most impudent and outrageous lie. He 
 proves that Sidney and Joseph transformed, in the sum- 
 mer of 1838, their followers into a band of desperadoes, 
 ready to commit any horror. Hear him : 
 
 "On Monday, the 6th day of August, 1838, the greater portion of 
 our people in the settlements near me went to Gallatin to attend the 
 election. In justice to truth I must state that just before the general 
 election in August 1838, a general notice was given for all the breth- 
 ren of Daviess county to meet at Adam-Ondi-Ahman. Every man 
 obeyed the call. At the meeting all the males over eighteen years of 
 age were organized into a MILITARY BODY, according to the law of 
 the priesthood and called " THE HOST OF ISRAEL." The first rank 
 was a captain with ten men under him ; next was a captain of fifty. 
 That is, he had five companies of ten. The entire membership of the 
 Mormon church was then organized in the same way. This, I was 
 then informed, was the first organization of the military force of the 
 church. It was so organized at that time by command of God as 
 revealed through the Lord's prophet, Joseph Smith. God commanded 
 Joseph Smith to place the Host of Israel in a situation for defense 
 against the enemies of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter- Day 
 Saints. 
 
 " At the same conference another organization was perfected, or 
 then first formed, it was called the DANITES. The members of this 
 order were placed under the most secret obligations that language 
 could invent. They were sworn to stand by and sustain each other. 
 Sustain, protect, defend and obey the leaders of the church, under any 
 and all circumstances unto death; and to disobey the orders of the 
 leaders of the church, or divulge the name of a Danite to an outsider, 
 or to make public any of the secrets of the order of Danites, was to 
 be punished with DEATH. And I can say of truth MANY HAVE PAID 
 THE PENALTY for failing to keep their covenants. They had signs 
 and tokens for use and protection. The token of recognition was 
 such that it could be readily understood, and it served as a token of 
 distress by which they could know each other from their enemies, 
 although they were entire strangers to each other. When the sign 
 
Persecuted Lambs Looking Like Wolves. 169 
 
 was given it must be responded to and obeyed, even at the risk or 
 certainty of death. The Danite that would refuse to respect the 
 token and comply with all its requirements, was stamped with dis- 
 honor, infamy, shame, disgrace, and his fate for cowardice and 
 treachery was DEATH." 
 
 Doesn't this "persecuted" people look just like a 
 flock of innocent lambkins? This is the way they pre- 
 pare themselves for an election ! A blind man can see 
 that those Missourians were awfully wicked people and 
 Boggs was really much worse than Nero. Dr. John C. 
 Bennett gives in his book the Constitution of the Danite 
 Band. The document is really grotesque in its pomp ; 'tis 
 Sidney Rigdon all over. Here are some choice bits of it : 
 
 " WHEREAS, In all bodies laws are necessary for the permanency, 
 safety and well-being of society, we, the members of the society of the 
 Daughter of Zion,* do agree to regulate ourselves under such laws 
 as, in righteousness, shall be deemed necessary for the preservation of 
 our holy religion, and of our most sacred rights and of the rights of 
 our wives and children. But, to be explicit on the subject, it is 
 especially our object to support and defend the rights conferred on us 
 by our venerable sires, who purchased them with the pledges of their 
 lives, their fortunes and their sacred honors. And now, to prove 
 ourselves worthy of the liberty conferred on us by them, in the 
 providence of God, we do agree to be governed by such laws as shall 
 perpetuate these high privileges, of which we know ourselves to be 
 the rightful possessors, and of which privileges wicked and designing 
 men have tried to deprive us by all manner of evil, and that purely 
 in consequence of the tenacity we have manifested in the discharge of 
 our duty towards our God, who has given us those rights and 
 privileges, and a right in common with others to dwell on this land. 
 But we, not having the privileges of others allowed to us, have deter- 
 mined, like unto our fathers, to resist tyranny, whether it be in kings 
 or in the people. It is all alike unto us. Our rights we must have, 
 and our rights we shall have, in the name of Israel's God. 
 
 " The executive power shall be vested in the PRESIDENT OF THE 
 WHOLE CHURCH and his councilors. 
 
 " The legislative powers shall reside in the president and his 
 councilors together, and with the generals and colonels of the society. 
 
 *The Danite band was instituted for the purpose of driving out 
 from Missouri Canaan all apostates or dissenters from the Mormon 
 faith. It was, therefore, first called the " BIG FAN," inasmuch as 
 it fanned out the chaff from the wheat. " Brother of Gideon," 
 " Daughter of Zion," and " Danites," are later names, all founded,, 
 as was Rigdon's manner, on biblical allusions. 
 
170 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 " Punishment shall be administered to the guilty in accordance to 
 the offense. 
 
 " All officers shall be subject to the commands of the captain- 
 general, given through the secretary of war" 
 
 There was never a more genuine document. It is 
 composed of the same notes which form the daily-evening- 
 music in the Deseret News, the present church organ. 
 This is a persecuted people ; they only ask for the rights 
 guaranteed in the Constitution; " wicked and designing 
 men," the Murrays, Zanes, Dicksons of yore, denied 
 them their rights, and they do so to-day. Lorenzo Snow, 
 the aged apostle, sings to-day the same tune which he, 
 poor old fellow, sang in 1838. He was a Danite then, 
 I have no doubt, and is one to-day. 
 
 John C. Bennett, Esq., favors us with a copy of the 
 oath taken by the Danites in Missouri : 
 
 " In the name of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, I do solemnly 
 obligate myself ever to conceal and never to reveal the secret pur- 
 poses of this society, called the Daughter of Zion. Should I ever do 
 the same, I hold my life as the forfeiture." 
 
 The oath was subsequently altered in Nauvoo. I have 
 no doubt that " Joab, a general in Israel," was the 
 Author of this revised edition : 
 
 " In the name of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, I do solemnly 
 obligate myself ever to regard the prophet and first presidency of the 
 Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as the supreme head of the 
 church on earth, and to obey them in all thing's the same as the 
 supreme God ; that I will stand by my brethren in danger or difficulty, 
 and will uphold the presidency, RIGHT OR WRONG, and that I will 
 ever conceal and never reveal the secret purposes of this society, 
 called the Daughter of Zion. Should I ever do the same, I hold my 
 life as the forfeiture, in a caldron of boiling oil." 
 
 Boiling oil that smells of the drug-store. I see the 
 little doctor behind it. By the way, Doctor, didn't you 
 compose it, too that beautiful blessing which your 
 prophet used to administer to the Danites in person, 
 assisted by Patriarch Hyrum Smith and George Miller, 
 . the president of the high priests' quorum ? It reminds 
 me very much of your " Joab " style: 
 
 " In the name of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and by the 
 
"Herr Most" is no Worse. 171 
 
 authority of the Holy Priesthood, we, the first president, patriarch and 
 high priest of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints, repre- 
 senting \hz first, second and third Gods in heaven the Father, the 
 Son, and the Holy Ghost do now anoint you with holy, consecrated 
 oil, and by the imposition of our hands do ordain, consecrate and set 
 you apart for the holy calling whereunto you are called; that you may 
 consecrate the riches of the Gentiles to the House of Israel, bring swift 
 destruction upon apostate sinners, and execute the decrees of heaven, 
 without fear of what man can do with you. So mote it be. Amen." 
 
 In Bennett's time the number of the Danites was over 
 two thousand. From their " elite," to use the word of 
 George Q. Cannon, twelve men were selected, called 
 Destructives, or Destroying Angel, and sometimes Flying 
 Angel. Their duty was to act as spies, and to report to 
 the first presidency. Their oath was as follows : 
 
 " In the name of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, I do covenant and 
 agree to support the first presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of 
 Latter-day Saints, in all things, RIGHT OR WRONG; I will faithfully 
 guard them and report to them the acts of all men, as far as in my 
 power lies; I \vill assist in executing all the decrees of the first presi- 
 dent, patriarch or president of the twelve; and that I will cause all 
 who speak evil of the presidency, or heads of the church, to die the 
 death of dissenters or apostates, unless they speedily confess and repent, 
 for pestilence, persecution and death shall follow the enemies of Zion. 
 I will be a swift herald of salvation and messenger of peace to the 
 saints, and I will never make known the secret purposes of this 
 society, called the DESTROYING ANGEL, my life being the forfeiture in 
 a fire of burning tar and brimstone. So help me God, and keep me 
 steadfast." 
 
 Doctor, Doctor, I smell your little laboratory again. 
 Burning tar and brimstone that shows a good deal of 
 practical chemistry. 
 
 But let us return to Lee. He is anxious to give us all 
 the information he has acquired in his interesting career 
 as Mormon policeman, Danite and life guard of his ad- 
 mired prophet. 
 
 "The sign or token of distress is made by placing the right hand 
 on the right side of the face, with the points of the fingers upwards, 
 shoving the hand upward until the ear is snug up between the thumb 
 and fore -finger." 
 
 I wish the wise men of this nation would study the 
 history of the Mafia in Sicily, which is such a thorn in the 
 
172 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 flesh of the young Italian kingdom. I have lived there 
 for months and feel justified in saying that Mormonism is 
 nothing but the RELIGIOUS MAFIA of the United States. 
 Absolute secrecy, conspiracy against the laws, murder and 
 perjury are the characteristics of both institutions. But I 
 have yet to show Sidney Rigdon's part in this Danite busi- 
 ness. It was on a fourth of July, the great national me- 
 morial day of the Declaration of Independence, that the 
 crazy restorer of the " House of Israel " unfurled the flag 
 of treason and rebellion. Hear Danite Lee : 
 
 " That day (July 4, 1838, in Far West, a new Mormon settle- 
 ment) Joseph Smith made known to the people the substance of a 
 revelation he had before received from God. It was to the effect that 
 all the saints throughout the land were required to sell their posses- 
 sions, gather all their money together and send an agent to buy up all 
 the land in the region round about Far West, and get a patent for the 
 land from the government, then deed it over to the church ; then every 
 man should come up there to the land of their promised inheritance 
 and consecrate what they had to the Lord. Sidney Rigdon was then 
 the mouth piece of Joseph Smith, as Aaron was of Moses in olden 
 times. Rigdon told the saints that day that if they did not come up as 
 true saints and consecrate their property to the Lord, by laying it 
 down at the feet of the apostles, they would in a short time be com- 
 pelled to consecrate and yield it up to the Gentiles. That if the saints 
 would be united as one man in this consecration of their entire wealth 
 to the God of Heaven, by giving it up to the control of the apostolic 
 priesthood, then there would be no further danger to the saints; they 
 would no more be driven from their homes on account of their faith 
 and holy work, for the Lord had revealed to Joseph Smith that He 
 would then fight the battles of his children and save them from all 
 their enemies. That the Mormon people would never be accepted as 
 the children of God unless they were united as one man, in temporal 
 as well as spiritual affairs, for Jesus had said, unless ye are one, ye 
 are not mine ; that ONENESS must exist to make the saints the accepted 
 children of God." 
 
 Give a quart of infernal whisky to each member of a 
 tribe of Indians, or tell such stuff as this to a horde of 
 beggarly, brutal fanatics, and it will come to the same. 
 
 No wonder that Lee felt like " consecrating." He 
 
 says : 
 
 " The words of the apostle and the promises of God, as then re- 
 vealed to me, made a deep impression on my mind, as it did upon all 
 who heard the same. We that had given up all else for the sake of 
 
Sidney Foams and Fixes the Fools. 173 
 
 the gospel, felt willing TO DO ANYTHING on earth that it was possible 
 to do, to obtain the protection of God and have and receive His smile 
 of approbation. Those who, like me, had full faith in the teachings of 
 God, as revealed by Joseph Smith, his prophet, were willing to com 
 ply with every order and to obey every wish of the priesthood. A vote 
 of the people was then had to determine the question whether they 
 would consecrate their wealth to the church or not. The vote was 
 unanimous for the consecration. The prophet and all his priesthood 
 were jubilant and could hardly contain themselves; they were so 
 happy to see the people such dutiful saints."* 
 
 Who is there among my readers who does not feel that 
 all this infernal humbug is nothing but a conspiracy of 
 scoundrels to dupe a horde of fanatics under religious 
 pretences ? To make them give up every cent they have, 
 and make tools of them for all sorts of criminal pur- 
 poses ? 
 
 Sidney gave the fools, to fix them thoroughly, a big 
 speech on the same Fourth of July. That speech has be- 
 come celebrateci in Mormon history as the "SALT SERMON." 
 Sidney had found somewhere a Bible text : "If the salt 
 have lost its savour, it is thenceforth good for nothing but 
 to be cast out and trodden under the foot of men." You 
 see it as clearly as I do, reader, that this means the apostates 
 or, in a larger sense, all the wicked fellows who wouldn't 
 consecrate ; finally the Missourians and all Gentiles. Sid- 
 ney was strong at the old Bible, and his interpretations 
 were always just what Joseph's " kingdom " needed. He 
 told the Mormons that the story of Ananias and Sapphira 
 falling dead at the rebuke of Peter, was no work of the 
 heavens, but that "the young men " who were with Peter 
 literally trod them under their feet till their bowels gushed 
 out ! And Judas the traitor he didn't die by his own 
 hand, Sidney knew better. His fellow apostles killed 
 him, and his bowels came out by the same religious pro- 
 ceeding. But hear the " Salt Sermon" : 
 
 " We take God and all the holy angels to witness this day that we 
 warn all men in the name of Jesus Christ, to come on us no more for 
 
 *" Laying all at the Apostles' feet" was a life-long dream and 
 hobby with Rigdon. This takes the form of the so-called " Order of 
 Enoch" in Mormonism, now figuring for the time as Z. C. M. I., the 
 mercantile anaconda of Utah. 
 
174 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 ever. The men or the set of men that attempts it does so at the ex- 
 pense of their lives. And the mob that comes on us to disturb us, it 
 shall be between us and them a war of EXTERMINATION, for we will 
 follow them till the last drop of blood is spilled, or else they will have 
 to exterminate us ; for we will carry the seat of war to their own 
 houses and their own families, and one part or the other shall be 
 utterly destroyed. Remember it then, all men! No man shall be at 
 liberty to come in our streets, to threaten us with mobs, for if he does 
 he shall atone for it before he leaves the place ; neither shall he be at 
 liberty to vilify or slander any of us, for suffer it we will not in this 
 place. We therefore take all men to record this day, as did our 
 fathers, and we pledge this day to one another our fortunes and our 
 sacred honours to be delivered from the PERSECUTIONS which we have 
 had to endure for the last nine years, or nearly that. Neither will we 
 indulge any man or set of men in instituting vexatious LAW-SUITS 
 against us, to cheat us out of our just rights ; if they attempt it we 
 say woe be unto them. WE THIS DAY, then, PROCLAIM OURSELVES 
 FREE, with a purpose and a determination that can never be broken. 
 No, never ! No, never ! ! No, NEVER ! ! ! " 
 
 This is a very fair specimen 0f Mormon^ political pro- 
 gramme. Let me tell you, by the way, that this piece of 
 frenzy, absurd as it seems, is just the stuff that fills to-day 
 the brains of the invisible head of the church, President 
 John Taylor. He is absolutely the same kind of foaming 
 fanatic that Sidney was. He has preached " Salt Ser- 
 mons " by the hundred, and he would do so to-day were 
 it not for "scoundrels" like Zane, Dickson and Ireland. 
 Scoundrels? It is one of the mildest terms used by him, 
 when talking of the officers of the law. 
 
 But there had been in June a fore-runner to the " Salt 
 Sermon," a wonderful little document, addressed to the 
 Dissenters, wicked fellows, who would not become crimi- 
 nal conspirators and desperadoes. The little thing is full 
 of the spirit of the " pure-in-heart ; " it smells all over of 
 the goodness and peace of Zion. Curious enough, among 
 the wicked are to be found the original witnesses of the 
 Book of Mormon. All of the leaders of the Dissenters 
 had been chosen servants and instruments of the Lord so 
 long as they had been absolute tools but the very moment 
 they dared to think for themselves, they became danger- 
 ous for the kingdom. Here is the anathema which was 
 drawn up by Rigdon and signed by over eighty leading 
 Mormons ; 
 
Two Orders of Extermination. 175 
 
 " FAR WEST, June i, 1838. 
 " To OLIVER COWDERY, DAVID WHITMER, JOHN WHITMER, W. 
 
 W. PHELPS AND LYMAN E. JOHNSON, GREETING : 
 " WHEREAS, The [Mormon] citizens of Caldwell county have 
 borne with the abuse received from you, at different times, and on 
 different occasions, until it is no longer to be endured ; neither will 
 they endure it any longer, having exhausted all the patience they have, 
 and conceive that to bear any longer is a vice instead of a virtue. 
 We have borne long and suffered incredibly ; but we will neither 
 bear nor suffer any longer ; and the decree has gone forth from our 
 hearts, and shall not return to us void. Neither think, gentlemen, 
 that in so saying we are trifling with either you or ourselves, for we 
 are not. There are no threats from you no fear of losing our lives 
 by you, or by anything you can say or do, will restrain us ; for out of 
 the country you shall go, and NO' POWER SHALL SAVE YOU. And you 
 shall have three days after you receive this communication to you, 
 including twenty-four hours in each day, for you to depart with your 
 families, peaceably; which you may do, undisturbed by any person; 
 but in that time, if you do not depart, we will use the means in our 
 power to cause you to depart : for GO YOU SHALL. We will have no 
 more promises tcPreform, as you have already done, and in every in- 
 stance violated your promise, and regarded not the COVENANT which 
 you had made, but put both it and us at defiance. We have solemnly 
 warned you, and that in the most determined manner, that if you did 
 not cease that course of wanton abuse of the [Mormon] citizens of 
 this county, that vengeance would overtake you sooner or later, and 
 that when it did come it would be as furious as the mountain torrent, 
 and as terrible as the beating tempest ; but you have affected to de- 
 spise our warnings, and pass them off with a sneer or grin, or a 
 threat, and pursued your former course ; and vengeajice sleepeth not, 
 neither does it slumber; and unless you heed us this time and attend 
 to our request, it will overtake you at an hour when you do not ex- 
 pect, and at a day when you do not look for it ; and for you THERE 
 SHALL BE NO ESCAPE; for there is but one decree for you, which is : 
 Depart, depart, or a MORF, FATAL CALAMITY SHALL BEFALL YOU." 
 
 Nero Boggs' order for the expulsion or extermination 
 of the Saints appears mild enough contrasted with this 
 hyena yell. The Mormon president issues his order of 
 expulsion or extermination in June, 1838, and the Mis- 
 souri governor issues his in October, 1838. The Christ- 
 like Rigdon anathematizes and would kill peaceable, 
 law-upholding victims of his own miserable fraud. Nero 
 Boggs, in order to avoid a civil war, is for expelling or 
 extermintaing armed law-breakers. Rigdon is the crazy 
 fanatic, Boggs the zealous officer, and in the finale as usual 
 
176 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 innocent dupes have to suffer with designing knaves. 
 Yet the Mormons were a horribly PERSECUTED body of 
 RELIGIOUS worshippers in the "land of Missouri," you 
 know. 
 
 But how things change in this fickle world ! You had 
 seen the plates and dozens of angels, David Whitmer ; 
 the angels had even worked for you in the fields, they 
 had treated you like an old playmate of theirs. And now 
 they give you three days to " get out " with your family. 
 There is a little consolation in the fact that each of these 
 three days "includes" twenty-four hours, but still it is 
 hard for a friend and confidant of angels to be treated 
 like this. And you, Oliver Cowdery, how must you feel 
 in reading that " no power shall save you," and "there 
 shall be no escape " ! It makes my heart bleed to look 
 at that excellent little book, the Sunday-school Catechism, 
 No. i, printed in 1882, p. 17: 
 
 Q. When were Joseph and Oliver baptized ? 
 
 A. On the same day that the Aaronic priesthood was conferred 
 upon them. 
 
 Q. Who was baptized first ? 
 
 A. Oliver Cowdery. 
 
 Q. Who baptized him ? 
 
 A. Joseph Smith. 
 
 Q. Who was next baptized ? 
 
 A. Joseph Smith. 
 
 Q. Who baptized him ? 
 
 A. Oliver Cowdery. 
 
 Q. What took place next ? 
 
 A. Joseph ordained Oliver to the Aaronic priesthood. 
 
 Q. And who ordained Joseph Smith ? 
 
 A. Oliver Cowdery. 
 
 Q. What happened after this ? 
 
 A. The Holy Ghost fell upon them and they prophesied. 
 
 Those were glorious times, Oliver. Then the day 
 included twenty-four happy hours. But more glories 
 were to be yours. Says our little Catechism, p. 19 : 
 
 Q. By whom was the holy apostleship restored to the earth ? 
 
 A. Christ's ancient apostles, Peter, James and John. 
 
 Q. Upon whom did they confer this power ? 
 
 A. Joseph Smith and Oliver Cowdery. 
 
Who Appeared Next? 177 
 
 But I am not yet through with your glories and special 
 blessings, Oliver. Let me look at the little Catechism, 
 p. 32: 
 
 Q. What glorious things were revealed on the next Sunday 
 (April 3, 1836) ? 
 
 A. The heavens were opened to Joseph Smith and Oliver 
 Cowdery, and the glories thereof were shown to them. 
 
 Q. Who appeared to them on this occasion ? 
 
 A. Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. 
 
 Q. What did He say of Himself? 
 
 A. " I am the first and the last, I am he who liveth, I am he 
 who was slain, I am your advocate with the Father." 
 
 Q. After this vision was closed who next appeared ? 
 
 A. Moses, the great law-giver of ancient Israel. 
 
 Q. What did he commit to them ? 
 
 A. The keys of the gathering of Israel. 
 
 Q. Who appeared next ? 
 
 A. Elias. 
 
 Q. Who appeared after Elias? 
 
 A. The prophet Elijah, who gave them the keys to turn the 
 hearts of the fathers to the children and the children to the fathers. 
 
 To have a whole museum of keys, Oliver, and then 
 be given three days to "git up an' git!" What else 
 could you do. after all, than turn a Methodist, like as 
 your prophet had done ? * This seems the only way out of 
 difficulties of this kind, especially when nobody will 
 "appear next." But what did you do with all them 
 keys, pray ? 
 
 The effect of all this fanatical nonsense must have 
 been disastrous on the confused brain of a fanatic like 
 John D. Lee. Says this great friend and spiritual foster- 
 son of Brigham Young, most faithful and most celebrated 
 of all Danites, after having reported Sidney's salt sermon: 
 "At the end of each sentence Rigdon was loudly cheered, 
 and when he closed his oration, I believed the Mormons 
 
 COUld SUCCESSFULLY RESIST THE WORLD." 
 
 It is well known that the first serious disturbance 
 
 *A11 three of the original witnesses of the Book of Mormon 
 apostatized. Cowdery became a member of the Methodist Protestant 
 Church in the winter of 1842-3, in Tiffin, Ohio, expressing at the 
 time his deep shame and contrition for his connection with Mormon- 
 ism and the Book of Mormon. 
 
178 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 between Mormons and Missourians occurred in the little 
 town of Gallatin, August 6, 1838. It was at the election 
 for which the Mormons had been prepared so nicely by 
 their leaders. They came to Gallatin as the "Host of 
 Israel," and as Danites, bound by secret oaths and 
 tokens. Lee may tell us what happened on this ominous 
 day : 
 
 " Gallatin was a new town, with about ten houses, three of which 
 were saloons. The town was on the bank of Grand River, and heavy 
 timber came near the town, which stood in a little arm of the prairie. 
 Close to the polls there was a lot of oak timber, which had been 
 brought there to be riven into shakes or shingles, leaving the heart, 
 taken from each shingle-block, lying there on the ground. These 
 hearts were three square, four feet long, weighed about seven pounds, 
 and made a very dangerous yet handy weapon. When Stewart fell 
 [a Mormon who had been beaten by a Missourian in a scuffle at the 
 polls], the Mormons sprang to the pile of oak hearts, and each man 
 taking one for use, rushed into the crowd. The Mormons were 
 yelling, 'Save him!' and the settlers yelled, ' Kill him, damn him ! * 
 The sign of distress was given by the Danites, and all rushed forward, 
 determined to save Stewart or die with him. One of the mob stabbed 
 Stewart in the shoulder. He rose and ran, trying to escape, but was 
 again surrounded and attacked by a large number of foes. The 
 Danite sign of distress was again given by John L. Butler, one of the 
 captains of the Host of Israel. Seeing the sign, I sprang to my feet 
 and armed myself with one of the oak sticks. / did this because I 
 was a Danite, and my oaths that I had taken required immediate 
 action on my part, in support of the one giving the sign. I ran into 
 the crowd. I was an entire stranger to all who were engaged in the 
 affray, except Stewart, but I had seen the sign, and, like Samson 
 when leaning against the pillar, I felt the power of God nerve my arm 
 for the fray. // helps a man a great deal in a fight to know that God 
 is on his side." 
 
 Was n't he well fixed, that fool Lee? That is the kind 
 of oak hearts to build celestial kingdoms with. And 
 Joseph's kingdom went up like magic just then conse- 
 cration was flourishing. Says Lee : 
 
 " The prophet, Joseph Smith, said it was a civil war; that by the 
 rules of war each party was justified in spoiling his enemy. This 
 opened the door to the evil-disposed, and men of former quiet became 
 PERFECT DEMONS in their efforts to spoil and waste away the enemies 
 of the church. I saw soon that it was the natural inclination of men 
 to steal and convert to their own use that which others possessed. 
 What perplexed me most was to see that religion had not the power 
 
Great Murderers and Good Writers. 179 
 
 to subdue that passion in man, but that at the first moment when the 
 restrictions of the church were withdrawn, the most devout men in our 
 community acted like they had served a lifetime in evil, and were 
 
 NATURAL-BORN THIEVES." 
 
 Is that so, Elder Lee? Then those bitter apostates 
 are right after all, when saying that your leaders have 
 always acted and do always act like natural-born thieves ? 
 Lee fortifies his general statement by a very remarkable 
 special case : 
 
 " A company went from Adam-Ondi-Ahman and burnt the house 
 and buildings belonging to my friend, McBrier. Every article of 
 moveable property was taken by the [Mormon] troops; he was 
 utterly ruined. This man had been a friend to me and many others 
 of the brethren; he was an honorable man, but his good character 
 and former acts of kindness had no effect on those who were working, 
 as they pretended, to build up the kingdom of God. The Mormons 
 brought in every article that could be used. . . . Men stole simply for 
 the love of stealing. Such inexcusable acts of lawlessness had the 
 effect to arouse every Gentile in the three counties of Caldwell, Carroll 
 and Davies, as well as to bring swarms of armed Gentiles from other 
 localities." 
 
 Those are the acts of a pure, slandered and persecuted 
 people, told by one of their leaders, who was tried and 
 shot for having " lived his religion." This book of the 
 great Danite* should be studied by every patriotic Ame- 
 rican. It has become a favorite of mine. I find in it 
 many of the qualities of that wonderful autobiography of 
 Benvenuto Cellini, the Florentine goldsmith. He and 
 Lee had some common traits : sensuality, superstition, and 
 a certain volcanic ensemble which never fails to make a 
 writer powerful. What is style after all without 
 natural vigor ? It is training in a Rozinante. It is curi- 
 ous, but still a fact, that Lee and Hickman, the greatest 
 murderers of this "church," are the only interesting 
 writers among scores of saints who have tried the path of 
 authorship. Eliza R. Snow, I am sorry to say, beats 
 them all in the impossible genre. 
 
 Lee is full of interesting "portraits." Let him de- 
 scribe the death of a famous Danite, Captain David 
 
 * Mormonism Unveiled, including the remarkable life and confes- 
 sions of John D. Lee. St. Louis, Moffat Publ. Co., 1881. 
 
180 Mormon Portraits. 7". Joseph Smith. 
 
 Patten, the president of the twelve apostles, whose sudden 
 exit opened wide the gates of success for ambitious 
 Brigham Young. Patten died in a skirmish with the Mis- 
 sourians called " battle of Crooked River." 
 
 " Captain David Patten, called Fcarnot, was sent out by the pro- 
 phet with fifty men, to attack a body of Missourians, who were camp- 
 ing on the Crooked River. Captain Patten's men were nearly all, if 
 not every one of them, Danites. The attack was made just before 
 daylight in the morning. Captain Fearnot wore a white blanket over- 
 coat and led the attacking party. He was a brave, impulsive man. 
 He rushed into the thickest of the fight, regardless of danger, really 
 seeking it to show his men that God would shield him from all harm. 
 But he counted without just reason upon being invincible, for a ball 
 soon entered his body, passing through his hips and cutting his bladder. 
 The wound was fatal, but he kept on his feet and led his men some 
 time before yielding to the effects of his wonnd. The Gentiles said 
 afterwards that Captain Patten told his men to charge in the name of 
 Lazarus, ' CHARGE, DANITES, CHARGE !' and that as soon as he 
 uttered the command, which distinguished him, they gave the Danite 
 captain a commission with powder and ball, and sent him on a mission 
 to preach to the spirits that were in prison." 
 
 The martyrdom of the " great warrior apostle " was a 
 fearful blow to Mormon superstition, originated and fed 
 by the crazy harangues of (( my servants Sidney and Jo- 
 seph." "I had considered," says Lee, "that I was 
 bullet-proof, that no Gentile ball could ever harm me or 
 any saint, and I had believed that a Danite could not be 
 killed by Gentile hands. I thought that one Danite 
 would chase a thousand and two could put ten thousand 
 to flight. We had been promised and taught by the pro- 
 phet that henceforth God would fight our battles , and that 
 nothing but disobedience to the teachings of the priesthood 
 could render a Mormon subject to injury from Gentile 
 forces. We, as members of the church, had no right to 
 question any act of our superiors ; to do so wounded the 
 spirit of God and led to our own loss and confusion." 
 
 We see from Lee's expressions that the " Host of Is- 
 rael" was pretty much demoralized by the death ot Capt. 
 Patten. But the famous son of Lucy-Munchhausen was 
 the greatest virtuoso of his age in the art of fixing the 
 fools. Lee was "thunderstruck" when the "Commander-in- 
 chief of the armies of Israel ' ' said at the funeral of Capt. 
 
The Mormon Lord Only Blesses Slaves. 181 
 
 Patten that the Mormons were liable to be killed by Gen- 
 tile balls just like other men. " Joseph also said that the 
 Lord was angry with the people, for they had been un- 
 believing and faithless; they had denied the Lord the use 
 of their earthly treasures, and placed their affections upon 
 worldly things more than they had upon heavenly things ; 
 that to expect God ? s favor we must blindly trust him ; that 
 if the Mormons would wholly trust in God, the windows 
 of heaven would be opened and a shower of blessings sent 
 upon the people ; that all the people could contain of 
 blessings would be given as a reward for obedience to the 
 will ot God as made known to mankind through the pro- 
 phet of the ever-living God ; that the Mormons, if faithful, 
 obedient and true followers of the advice of their leaders, 
 would soon enjoy all the wealth of the earth ; that God 
 would consecrate the riches of the Gentiles to the saints." 
 I believed all he said, for he supported it by quotations from 
 scripture, and if 1 believed in the Bible,* as I did most 
 implicitly, I could not help believing in Joseph Smith, the 
 prophet of God in these last days. Joseph Smith declared 
 that he was called of God and given power and authority 
 from heaven to do God's will ; that he had received the 
 keys [O Lucy !] of the holy priesthood from the apostles 
 Peter, James and John, and had been dedicated, set apart 
 and anointed as the prophet, seer and revelator, sent to 
 open the dispensation of the fullness of times, according 
 to the words of the apostles ; that he was charged with 
 the restoration of the House of Israel and to gather the 
 Saints from the four corners of the earth to the land of 
 promise, Zion, the Holy Land (Jackson county), and set- 
 ting up the kingdom of God preparatory to the second 
 coming of Christ in the latter days. Every Mormon, if 
 true to his faith, believed as fully in Joseph Smith and 
 his holy character as they did that God existed." 
 
 Is the effect of the Prophetic idea not wonderful? 
 It seems at least as powerful an agent as the revolutionary 
 idea of liberty: it makes the pulse beat just like the 
 
 *"Our sickness is an overdose of Bible," said an old Mormon 
 lady to me. 
 
1 82 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 Marseillaise. Surrounded as he was by a thousand or 
 more Lees, is it surprising that Joseph began to see 
 himself a Mahomet ? 
 
 Lee died an admirer of Joseph Smith. While sit- 
 ting on his coffin at the Mountain Meadows, on that 
 chilly March morning in 1877, he cursed treacherous 
 Brigham Young and hoped to be soon united with his be- 
 loved prophet. He gives a most enthusiastic and really 
 interesting description of the modern Mahomet: " Joseph 
 Smith was a most extraordinary man ; he was rather large 
 in stature, some six feet two inches in height, well built, 
 though a little stoop-shouldered, prominent and well-de- 
 veloped features, a Roman nose, light chestnut hair, 
 upper lip full and rather protruding, chin broad and 
 square, an eagle eye, and on the whole there was some- 
 thing in his manner and appearance that was bewitching 
 and winning ; his countenance was that of a plain, hon- 
 est man, full of benevolence and philanthropy and void 
 of deceit or hypocrisy. He was resolute and firm of 
 purpose, stronger than most men in physical power, and 
 all who saw were forced to admire him, as he then 
 looked and existed." 
 
 The portrait is no doubt a strongly flattered one. 
 In the prison where his Confession was written, Joseph 
 seemed to Lee, compared with the two-faced, ungrateful 
 Brigham, the essence of honor and chivalry. Still, there 
 is enough in Lee's sketch to show that Joseph had some- 
 thing of the popular leader in him. Mrs. Pratt, who 
 surely had every reason in the world to hate and despise 
 Joseph, said once to me: "As a leader I would always 
 prefer Joseph to low cunning Brigham." 
 
 There is scarcely a doubt that the apostles of Joseph 
 Smith were all Danites, since their president was a Dan- 
 ite captain. It is not doubtful to me that, for instance, 
 Brigham Young had also taken the Danite oaths, and 
 this is the reason why Lee kept on hoping to the last 
 moment that his life would be spared : he could not be- 
 lieve that Brigham would prove untrue to his COVENANTS, 
 which bind any Danite to help another, as we have 
 seen. Those horrible COVENANTS are a generic and dom- 
 
Murderers Blessing the Bread and Wine. 183 
 
 mating feature of Mormonism all through ; they are the 
 secret cement of the whole structure, and Mormonism 
 cannot be understood without this secret -oath business, 
 bloody punishments, etc., being taken into due consider- 
 ation. The witnesses of the Book of Mormon were 
 bound by covenants to testify ; Rigdon and Smith bound 
 themselves by a most solemn covenant to keep the great 
 fraud secret : * every Danite was fettered by covenants, 
 and finally every '-'good" Mormon becomes a part of 
 this dreadful machinery through his endowment oaths. 
 
 Among the Danite Apostles of the time of the Mis- 
 souri troubles, Parley P. Pratt seems to be one of the 
 Patten kind. He did not find his martyrdom in Missouri f 
 and this is deeply to be regretted, since Providence per- 
 mitted him to live up to 1857 and to do incalculable mis- 
 chief in the way of proselyting, in brutalizing the 
 Mormon people by his coarse, filthy and fanatic preach- 
 ing, and by corrupting all the women he approached. 
 He was one of the saintly brutes of the William Smith 
 and Orson Hyde type, which latter, however, developed 
 in his full glory later, in Utah, preaching that Christ had 
 lived in polygamy, and enjoying whiskey and polygamy 
 much more than even his bull constitution could stand. 
 Yes, Mormonism is a very peculiar religion. It preaches 
 murder as a religious duty, and treats the murderer as a 
 distinguished member of the " church." I am not jok- 
 ing. Said a poor Mormon widow to me, whose husband 
 was killed in the foulest manner imaginable by the police 
 of this holy city : "They bless the bread and wine in the 
 tabernacle there is half a dozen of murderers among 
 them ; I could point them out any time." 
 
 Did not President Joseph F. Smith, of the so-called 
 first presidency of the Mormon church, pronounce the 
 funeral eulogium over the body of the saintly O. Porter 
 Rockwell, Esq. ? I have been told so. You don't want 
 
 * " Keep all the commandments and covenants by which ye are 
 bound i and I will cause the heavens to shake for your good ; " so says 
 the Mormon Lord to Joseph and Sidney, December, 1830. 
 
 f He was killed in Arkansas, 1857, for running away with another 
 man's wife and trying to abduct the man's children. 
 
1 84 Mormon Portraits. I. Joseph Smith. 
 
 to believe such things, gentle reader. You say this is not 
 possible. If you had lived in 1560 or so, and had met a 
 man fresh from priest-ridden Spain who told you about an 
 auto-da-fe, would you have answered him the same way ? 
 I have myself heard a sermon in the tabernacle delivered 
 by a man who is known all over Utah as having killed 
 his first wife in 1857 because she opposed his taking a 
 number four. I shall tell the case with all details in 
 Part II. of this work. It is a notorious fact that men 
 who have committed horrible deeds for the ''church" 
 are generally, to get them out of the way of the Federal 
 authorities, sent out on some " mission." It is the gen- 
 eral belief in Utah that Isaac C. Haight, who took such 
 an important part in the Mountain Meadows Massacre, is 
 preaching the gospel in some foreign country under an 
 assumed name. Think of such a bloody spectre playing 
 the gospel-dove ! It is another notorious fact that the 
 Danites, Lee, Haight and Hickman, were for many years, 
 and after the massacre of 1857, members of the Territor- 
 ial Legislature. How can I explain all this? Simply 
 through the well-founded supposition that a Danite mur- 
 derer is a sort of veteran, a decorated officer of the 
 Mormon church. He has shown courage and zeal in the 
 service of " the Lord," he has helped to build up "the 
 kingdom of God on earth/' he has destroyed some of 
 the enemies of " Zion." How can you explain other- 
 wise the most intimate relation between Joseph and Rock- 
 well, and the fact, told me by Mrs. Pratt, that Brigham 
 used (after 1857 ! ) to walk with Lee, his arm around the 
 brother's shoulder and whispering in his ear? Mrs. Pratt 
 has seen this kind of scene often and often, and she has 
 seen Brigham embracing Elder Hickman the same way. 
 Doesn't it remind you of the relations of Richard and 
 Macbeth with the "first" and "second" murderer? It 
 does me. 
 
 But I wanted you to hear from Lee a little anecdote 
 about Parley P. Pratt. It shows this brutal apostle, 
 who is to-day a celebrated and much lamented martyr of 
 the " church," in his true light. Here it is : 
 
 " I knew a man by the name of Tarwater, on the Gentile side 
 
Murder for the Holiest of Purposes. 185 
 
 [in the 'battle of Crooked River '], that was cut up fearfully. He 
 was taken prisoner. The Danites routed the Gentiles, who fled in 
 every direction. The Mormons started for Far West, taking Tar- 
 water along as a prisoner. After traveling several miles, they halted 
 in a grove of timber and released Tarwater, telling him he was free to 
 go home. He started off, and when he was some forty yards from 
 the Mormons, Parley P. Pratt, then one of the twelve apostles, stepped 
 up to a tree, laid his gun up by the side of the tree, took deliberate 
 aim and shot Tarwater. lie fell and lay still. The Mormons, be- 
 lieving he was dead, went on and left him lying where he fell. Tar- 
 water came to and reached home where he was taken care of and soon 
 recovered from his wounds. He afterwards testified in court against 
 the Mormons that he knew, and upon his evidence Parley P. Pratt was 
 imprisoned in the Richmond jail in 1839." 
 
 I asked my friend Webb about this statement of Lee's, 
 and he said : " Lhave heard this story very often, and I 
 do not doubt it at all. Parley was just the man to do 
 such a thing." It is a church and a religion with such 
 "apostles" and " martyrs," isn't it? 
 
 For those who want further evidence, I introduce now 
 the affidavit of Thomas B. Marsh, who apostatized in 
 the hour of danger. He was president of the Twelve be- 
 fore Patten ; his apostacy and Patten's death opening the 
 way for Brigham. Here is Marsh's affidavit : 
 
 RICHMOND, Mo., Octbr. 24, 1838. 
 
 " They have among them a company consisting of all that are con- 
 sidered true Mormons, called the DANITES, who have taken an oath 
 to support the heads of the church in all things that they say or do r 
 whether right or wrong. Many, however, of this band are much dis- 
 satisfied with this oath as being against moral and religious principles. 
 I am informed by the Mormons that they had a meeting at Far West, 
 at which they appointed a company of twelve , by the name of the De- 
 struction. Company , for the purpose of burning and destroying, and that 
 if the people at Buncombe came to do mischief upon the people of 
 Caldwell, and committed depredations upon the Mormons, they were 
 to burn Buncombe, and if the people of Clay and Ray made any 
 movements againt them, this destroying company were to burn Liberty 
 and Richmond. 77iis burning was to be done secretly, by going as in- 
 cendiaries. At the same meeting, I was informed, they passed a de- 
 cree that no Mormon dissenter (apostate) should leave Caldwell 
 county alive, and that such as attempted to do it should be shot down 
 and sent so tell their tale in eternity. In a conversation between Dr. 
 Avard and other Mormons said Avard proposed to start a pestilence 
 among the Gentiles by poisoning their corn, fruit, etc., and saying it 
 
1 86 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 was the work of the Lord, and said Avard advocated lying for the 
 support of their religion and said it was no harm to lie for the Lord. 
 The plan of Smith the prophet is to take this State, and he professes to 
 his people to intend taking the United States, and ultimately the whole 
 world. This is the belief of the church and my own opinion of the 
 prophet's plans and intentions. It is my opinion that neither the pro- 
 phet nor any one of the principal men who is firm in the faith could 
 be indicted for any offense in the county of Caldwell. The prophet 
 inculcates the notion, and it is believed by every true Mormon, that 
 Smith 's prophecies are superior to the law of the land. I have heard 
 the prophet say that he should yet tread down his enemies and walk 
 over their dead bodies ; that if he was not let alone he would be a 
 second Mahomet to this generation, and that he would make it one* 
 gore of blood from the Rocky Mountains to the Atlantic Ocean ; that 
 like Mahomet, whose motto in treating for peace was, * the Alcoran or 
 the sword,' so should it be eventually with us : ' Joseph Smith or the 
 sword? " 
 
 AFFIDAVIT OF APOSTLE ORSON HYDE. 
 
 The most of the statements in the foregoing disclosure of Thomas 
 B. Marsh I know to be true; the remainder I believe to be true. (Same 
 date.) 
 
 The remark has already been made that Sidney Rigdon 
 was the originator of the Danite band. The proof for 
 this assertion is furnished by the Mormon leaders them- 
 selves. After Joseph's death, when there was a life and 
 death struggle for the church dictatorship between im- 
 practical, fanatic Rigdon, and unscrupulous, business-man 
 Brigham Young, the former was expelled from the church 
 by a mock trial. One of the charges preferred against 
 him was his course in Missouri in 1838. Says Brigham 
 Young at this trial (Times and Seasons, p. 667) : 
 
 "Elder Rigdon was the PRIME CAUSE OF OUR TROUBLES 
 IN MISSOURI, by his Fourth of July oration." 
 
 And Orson Hyde says at the same trial (Times and 
 Seasons, p. 651) : 
 
 " He [Rigdon] was the cause of our troubles in 
 MISSOURI, and although Brother Joseph tried to restrain 
 him, he would take his own course." 
 
 Sister Snow, in her great psalm, dated " City of 
 Nauvoo, 1842," says of Missouri: "Thou art a stink in 
 the nostrils of the Goddess of Liberty." But this horrible 
 stench, and it was a brutish and bloody one, sure enough, 
 
Eliza Curses Missouri. 187 
 
 all came, as we now see, from my servant Sidney taking 
 his own course, against the protests of your sweet spouse, 
 the prophet ; but never mind, sister, you saints must be 
 persecuted, are nothing if not persecuted. And so 
 Missouri has "butchered the saints of the Most High, 
 . and hunted the prophets like Ahab of old." And, again, 
 "Thou art already associated with Herod, Nero and the 
 bloody Inquisition thy name has become synonymous 
 with oppression, cruelty, treachery and blood." Oh, 
 Sappho-Eliza-Roxanna-Snow-Smith-Young ! But I think 
 I sniff General Joab in this transcendent psalm. " Thou 
 didst pollute the holy sanctuary of female virtue, and 
 barbarously trample upon the most sacred gems of 
 domestic felicity," is Pistol-Bennett, sure. 
 
 I believe readily that Joseph tried, in the beginning, 
 to restrain the crankiness of his Mentor, who spoke and 
 acted like a fanatic Jew of the times of Moses and Joshua, 
 carefully embalmed at the fall of Jericho and resurrected 
 in Jackson County, Mo. Joseph was not a man of non- 
 sensical hobbies; his fanaticism lay in another direction 
 in that of "all the women." His idol was a huge 
 enjoyment of life in the sense of Caligula and Nero. 
 Hating honest work more than bitter death, he was 
 forced to use all the ways and means of charlatans to 
 steal the prize which he could not conquer by true talent 
 and honest exertion. So every scheme was welcome that 
 would lead to enjoyment on the grand style. But he may 
 have hesitated, at the outset of the "Mormon war," at 
 the idea of becoming openly a rebel and leader of armed 
 bands. This hesitation was evidently overcome by his 
 love for appearing in great roles, by parading as " com- 
 mander-in-chief of the armies of Israel," by his intoxica- 
 tion at the idea of becoming a second Mahomet. There 
 were always some about him who made a business of it to 
 work up his brains to the boiling point. There was 
 Rigdon, proving from the old Bible that the House of 
 Israel was invincible; there was Dr. Avard, an adventurer 
 of exactly the Bennett kind, intensely ambitious and 
 entirely unscrupulous, who saw in Joseph the coming 
 man. Avard was, like Bennett and Joe, an infidel, and 
 
1 88 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 the role of right-hand man .of the new Mahomet tickled 
 him. 
 
 Joseph may have hesitated, as Charles IX. did when 
 hearing the bloody plains of his mother against the 
 Huguenots, but he gave way like Charles IX. Could not 
 Sidney show how the old Jews had exterminated the 
 peaceful inhabitants of a whole country ? 
 
 " He left none remaining, but utterly destroyed all that breathed, 
 as the Lord God of Israel commanded. . . . And they utterly de- 
 stroyed all that was in the city, both men and wometi, young and old, 
 and ox, and sheep, and ass, with the edge of the sword. ..." 
 
 Blood, streams of blood, shed at the command of the 
 Almighty ! And could not Avard, the worldly adviser, 
 prove to the illiterate peeper that so many of the emperors 
 and kings had risen by shedding blood like water? Joe 
 listened and listened, and they convinced him finally 
 the resurrected Jew to the right, and the modern Mach- 
 iavel to the left. 
 
 Armed witn the enthusiastic approval of Sidney 
 Rigdon and the (perhaps hesitating) consent of Joseph, 
 Dr. Avard goes to work with the energy of a gold-digger 
 whose imagination is filled with tremendous nuggets. 
 Friend Webb heard Avard speak to the brethren, and he 
 says it was the most blood-curdling kind of speech he 
 ever heard in his life. 
 
 " My brethren, it is written: * The riches of the Gentiles shall be 
 consecrated to my people, the House of Israel ; ' and in this way we 
 will build up the KINGDOM OF GOD, and roll forth the little stone 
 that Daniel saw cut out of the mountain without hands, until it shall 
 fill the whole earth. For this is the very way that GOD destines to 
 build up his kingdom in the last days. If any of us should be 
 recognized, who can harm us? For we will stand by each other and 
 defend one another in all things. If our enemies swear against us, 
 we can swear also. Why do you startle at this, brethren ? As the 
 Lord liveth, I would swear a lie to clear any of you ; and if this 
 could not do, I would put them or him under the sand, as Moses did 
 the Egyptian, and in this way we will consecrate much to the Lord, 
 and BUILD UP His KINGDOM; and who can stand against us? And 
 if any of this Danite society reveals any of these things, I will put him 
 where the dogs cannot bite him." 
 
 There came a day when Rigdon, Joseph and Avard 
 
Poor Joe Knew Nothing About It. 189 
 
 awoke from their ambitious dream to the cold reality of 
 things. The awful formalities of a court-martial, the 
 reading of a sentence, "You will be shot to-morrow 
 morning at eight o'clock," and the atmosphere of a 
 court-room where you are tried for high treason, murder, 
 arson, etc., exert a remarkably cooling influence on the 
 aspirations of modern Joshuas, Mahomets and Napoleons. 
 When in the clutches of the law, Joseph dropped 
 Avard, as Brigham did faithful Danite Lee some forty 
 years after. Even how to sacrifice a friend in the hour of 
 danger did you learn from Joseph, great plagiarist Young. 
 Hear the prophet : 
 
 " While the evil spirits were raging up and down in the state 
 [Missouri] to raise mobs against the Mormons, Satan himself was no 
 less busy in striving to stir up mischief in the camps of the Saints, and 
 among the most conspicuous of his willing devotees was one Dr. 
 Sampson Avard, who had been in the church but a short time and 
 who, although he had generally behaved with a tolerable degree of 
 external decorum, was secretly aspiring to be the greatest of the great, 
 and become the leader of the people by forming a secret combination 
 by which he might rise a mighty conqueror, at the expense of the over- 
 throw of the church ; and this he tried to accomplish by his smooth, 
 flattering and winning speeches which he frequently made to his asso- 
 ciates, while his room was well guarded by some of his pupils, ready 
 to give him the wink on the approach of anyone who would not 
 approve of his measures. In this situation he stated that he had the 
 sanction of the heads of the church for what he was about to do, and 
 persuaded them to believe it and proceeded to administer to the few 
 under his control an oath, binding them to everlasting secrecy to every- 
 thing which should be communicated to them by himself. Thus 
 Avard initiated members into his band, firmly binding them, by all 
 that was sacred, in the protecting of each other in all things THAT 
 
 WERE LAWFUL." 
 
 This last lie gives away all the rest of them. So Avard 
 had to be one of the most willing devotees of Satan, to 
 teach nothing but what was lawful / Joseph continues : 
 
 " Avard would often affirm to his company that the principal men 
 of the church had put him forward as a spokesman and a leader of 
 this band, which he named DANITES." 
 
 So there was a Danite band with secret oaths, but 
 Joseph and the church had nothing to do with it. This 
 looks just like the truth ! Joseph is at the head of an 
 
190 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 organization which from its very beginning was built on 
 blind obedience and where every member was a spy on his 
 comrades. But no, Joseph knew nothing, and the Lord 
 didn't tell him about it, neither did " Urim and Thum- 
 mim." Joseph remained in perfect ignorance even then 
 when Dr. Avard " held meetings to organize his men into 
 companies of tens and fifties, appointing a captain over 
 each company." There is a method in those Mormon 
 lies. The Danites? Dr. Avard organized them. Spirit- 
 ual wifery? That scoundrel Bennett introduced it. The 
 Mountain Meadows Massacre? Oh, the Indians did that, 
 you know. 
 
 Fortunately, we have got a good witness or two to seal 
 this Danite business for all eternity. DAVID WHITMER is 
 a good witness to fix a doubtful point in early Mormon 
 history, isn't he? A third of the proof of the divinity of 
 the Book of Mormon rests on his shoulders : he is is one 
 of the three original witnesses of the American Bible. It 
 is my conviction, besides and I shall give my reasons for 
 it that David Whitmer was an honest and sincere witness 
 while testifying that he had seen the golden plates. He 
 was, no doubt, immensely superstitious; it was easy to 
 dupe him and he was duped, but he was not a man to put 
 his name to a lie wittingly. We have seen the anathema 
 pronounced by Sidney Rigdon and eighty-three leading 
 Mormons against the "Dissenters." Mr. J. L. Traugh- 
 ber, Jr., a gentleman living in Missouri and an old friend 
 of David Whitmer, states in regard to the "Dissenters:" 
 
 " Martin Harris, Oliver Cowdery, David, John and Jacob Whitmer 
 and Hiram Page withdrew from J. Smith at Kirtland in 1837. The 
 next year Smith and Sidney Rigdon had to flee from Kirtland by 
 night to keep from being imprisoned for banking without a charter. 
 They went to Far West, Missouri, where David Whitmer was presi- 
 dent of the stake, and soon formed their Danite band to kill ' Dis- 
 senters/ and fight the enemies of Zion. David Whitmer and others 
 were ' Dissenters.' David Patten [the Danite Captain] went to them, 
 and told them that it was determined that they must die. They went 
 out one evening to hunt their cows and did not go back again. In a 
 few days the Danites ordered the families of those men to leave Far 
 West, with nothing but the clothing they wore. But when the 'mob' 
 had captured the place, David Whitmer and the others went and got 
 their goods and property. " 
 
Mrs. Pratt is Visiting. 191 
 
 These are the doings of the " persecuted people." 
 They try to kill their own friends and drive their families 
 into the woods. They ask solemnly for their constitu- 
 tional rights in the name of religion, but when a crank 
 like Morris sets up a little revelation-shop of his own, they 
 demolish it with cannon, killing women, children and 
 unarmed men. But let me now give the direct testimony 
 of David Whitmer himself in the Danite question. Says 
 the old man : * 
 
 " SMITH AND RIGDON issued a decree organizing what 
 was termed the ' DANITES ' or ' DESTROYING ANGELS/ who 
 were bound by the MOST FEARFUL OATHS to obey the com- 
 mandments of the LEADERS OF THE CHURCH. The ' Dan- 
 ites ' consisted ONLY OF THOSE SELECTED BY SMITH AND 
 RIGDON." 
 
 That old man, over eighty, is yet alive. He believes 
 to-day in the Book of Mormon, the golden plates, the 
 last dispensation and the new and everlasting covenant. 
 But he believes that Joseph was a FALLEN PROPHET when 
 he organized a band of armed law-breakers. David came 
 from a good family and had some property, which may 
 explain why he did not fall in, hand and heart, with the 
 desperate schemes of penniless adventurers. 
 
 But I have got a real bonbon of a testimony in this 
 Danite business, and I have saved it, as the French say, 
 pour la bonne bouche, to make the reader keep a good 
 taste in his mouth. Our fraud-hating friend Mrs. Pratt 
 she has become the reader's friend as well as mine by 
 this time, I hope tells the following story : 
 
 " One day, in 1868, shortly before Apostle Heber C. 
 Kimball had his fatal attack of sickness, he returned to 
 his home from a secret meeting held in the Endowment 
 House. I was on intimate terms with the Kimball family 
 and was visiting Vilate, the apostle's first wife, when 
 Heber came in. We were all in the parlor together, Heber 
 in his usual confidential manner, said to me : ' Sister 
 
 Pratt, WE HAVE JUST REORGANIZED THE DANITE BAND in 
 
 * Interview with a reporter of the "Kansas City Journal," June 
 1881. 
 
192 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 the Endowment House. FIFTY BRETHREN HAVE JOINED 
 AND BEEN SWORN IN ! ' Said I : < Oh, brother Heber, 
 you have no use for the Danites here, at this time.' 
 'YES, WE HAVE,' replied the apostle, ' we'll have PLENTY 
 OF WORK for them to do PRETTY SOON.' ' 
 
 It was the time when the Union Pacific was coming 
 in, promising a large influx of Gentiles and enemies of 
 the church. Zion, the home of the pure, the only 
 refuge of peace and brotherhood in this wicked world, 
 wanted to prepare a warm reception for them, wor- 
 thy of the grand memories of 1838 and 1857. It had 
 become impossible to save them en masse, as had been 
 done with the Arkansas emigrants in 1857. Then the 
 Kingdom of God on earth had full sway, and one hundred 
 and forty men, women and children were saved on the 
 Mountain Meadows at one fell swoop. But the saving 
 could still be done on a limited scale, by shooting a fellow 
 or two in an alley now and then. Didn't they try to save 
 U. S. Attorney Dickson in 1886? "HE NEEDED KILLING" 
 as the popular saying was in the glorious time of the Utah 
 "Reformation," when the blood of Gentiles and apostates 
 was cheaper than water. 
 
 But, all the same, it is a religion, you see. The lead- 
 ers may be fanatics, but they are sincere, no doubt. The 
 Mormons have been persecuted in Ohio, Missouri and Illi- 
 nois. The killing of Joseph Smith was one of the most 
 disgraceful murders ever committed in this country. The 
 Endowment House is only a sort of cranky religious labora- 
 tory for the making of Gods, worlds and devils ; nonsense 
 to talk of Mormon treason. Don' t re-hash Mormon horrors, 
 please. Rockwell was a good-natured chap, and Geo. A. 
 Smith the Thackeray of Mormonism, That fellow W. 
 Wyl is one of the industrious vagabonds who have created 
 the Danites out of air and foolscap. He should have 
 written a harmless " philosophical " book instead of play- 
 ing scavenger. I am sorry for him. 
 
Uninteresting Tame Criminals. 193 
 
 JOSEPH AS SEER AND TRANSLATOR. 
 
 Joseph Mastering Seven Languages His Cautious Succes- 
 sors The Book of Mormon Reformed Egyptian 
 The Fixing of Fool Martin Harris Sample of Re- 
 formed Egyptian Hieroglyphics Professor Anthon 
 Describes Martin' s Visit -Joseph Does the Same The 
 Urim and Thummim and the Old Peepstone A Secret 
 of the Historian' s Office Poor Emma Again. 
 
 Conscience makes cowards of us, and so does knowl- 
 edge. The more you know the more cautious you get in 
 asserting. The man who knows next to nothing at all is 
 the most fearless in proclaiming what he calls his opinions. 
 This was the case with our prophet. A minimum of 
 reading, and still less writing, were the limits of his 
 education. This state of mind enabled him to walk, with 
 the courage of a somnambulist, the path on which the 
 most learned proceed with fear and trembling. And 
 then, even .if he stumbled, who cares ? Do not the 
 thousands who surround him believe in him ? Do they 
 not consider any attack on the Lord's friend the work of 
 the devil ? Joseph Smith is not the first leader who felt 
 safe in the stronghold of ignorance and fanaticism, and 
 he will not be the last. 
 
 The boundless impudence with which Joseph parades 
 as seer and translator makes a superb charlatan of him, 
 and gives him a charm, an interest, lacked entirely by his 
 successor, Brigham Young, and still more by the tame 
 criminals now leading the *' church," id est, keeping up 
 the original fraud and pocketing the proceeds thereof. 
 Those fellows are not interesting at all. Some of them, 
 like John Taylor and George Q. Cannon, have just 
 enough of a second-hand education to see through the 
 tremendous blunders committed by the first prophet. 
 
194 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 Cunning Brigham, discerning any dangers to his king- 
 dom with the eye of the trembling coward Tiberius, 
 began to eliminate from the church literature certain too 
 palpable humbugs, like Rigdon's "inspired and cor- 
 rected" Bible, and Mother Lucy's " Life of the Prophet." 
 The present leaders continue this policy. They avoid, 
 like Brigham, the dangerous tricks of seership, translating 
 by inspiration, discoveries of plates and papyrus all' the 
 juggleries performed by the great Nauvoo Blondin on the 
 prophetic tight-rope. The " Urim and Thumrnim " has 
 been enjoying a good long rest since 1844, and the 
 utterances of the present leaders confine their impudence 
 to attacks on Federal officers, and their lying to the old 
 legend of the "persecuted people," "persecution for 
 conscience' sake," etc. 
 
 Oh, give me an hour of Blondin, high above thousands 
 of "faithful" heads at Nauvoo, and I make you a 
 present of all the speeches and writings of the present 
 type of oily, polygamic tithing-eaters. Why, Blondin is 
 an arrant bungler compared with rope-walker Joe. Says 
 the prophet in a letter dated Nauvoo, Nov. 13, 1843 : 
 
 " Were I an Egyptian, I would exclaim, Jah-oh-eh, Enish-go-on- 
 dosh, Flo-ees, Flos-is-is [O, the earth ! the power of attraction and the 
 moon passing between her and the sun] ; a Hebrew, Haueloheem 
 yerau ; a Greek, O theos phos esi ; a Roman, Dominus regit me ; a 
 German, Gott gebe uns das licht; a Portugee, Senhor Jesu Christo 
 libordade ; a Frenchman, Dieu defend le droit ; but as 1 am, I give 
 God the glory, etc. ..." 
 
 Is this not superb? How he handles them seven lan- 
 guages in one little paragraph ! Why, I feel like a whipped 
 school-boy with my poor, dusty relics of Latin and Greek 
 and a smattering of French and Italian. 
 
 " Problem is derived from problems (French) or probleme (Latin,^ 
 Italian or Spanish), and in each language means a question or propo-"* 
 sition, whether true or false." 
 
 Joe knows that problem is originally Greek, but then 
 a little modesty adorns even a prophet. But modesty 
 would be out of its place where Joe speaks in the sublime 
 character of head of the church and possessor of the great- 
 
Joe the Learned Oracle of the Age. 195 
 
 est collection of KEYS ever known. Says he, in the same 
 letter : 
 
 " The fact is, that by the power of God I translated the Book of 
 Mormon from hieroglyphics, the knowledge of which was lost to the 
 world ... I have witnessed the visions of eternity, and beheld the 
 glories of the mansions of bliss and the regions and the misery of the 
 damned ... I have heard the voice of God and communed with 
 angels, and spake, as moved by the Holy Spirit, for the renewal of the 
 everlasting covenant and for the gathering of Israel in the last days 
 ... I, who hold the Keys of the last Kingdom." 
 
 Where are you, Cannon and Taylor, eh? You hide in 
 the bushes like our first parents after the fall. And you 
 are nowhere at all, when you hear this flourish : 
 
 " I combat the errors of ages ; I meet the violence of mobs ; I 
 cope with illegal proceedings from executive authority; I cut the 
 Gordian knot of powers, and I solve mathematical problems of Uni- 
 versities WITH TRUTH, diamond truth, and GOD is MY RIGHT-HAND 
 
 MAN." 
 
 This was written, or rather signed, by Joe seven months 
 before the lynchers in Carthage cut the Gordian knot of 
 the most cheeky imposture ever perpetrated. Let us now 
 review the greatest features of this fraud. But bear it in 
 mind, reader, I do not want to treat this exquisite bit of 
 fun au serifuXj as the gay Parisian has it. I want to enjoy 
 the fun and want you to enjoy it with me. Have you ever 
 seen a poor, ranting squib of a fellow, born to be a village 
 tailor and nothing else, play Macbeth or Othello? That's 
 the kind of a treat I invite you to. Don't expect any 
 "philosophy," any high-toned discussion from me about 
 a most ridiculous and patent humbug. 
 
 Lei's first take up the Book of Mormon. Rigdon, the 
 cunning tanner, gets crazy about the theological strifes of 
 his time and wants to bs the founder of a religion him- 
 self. He makes a bible of the scribbling-; of a pedantic 
 crank. His instinct tells him that the contemplated 
 fraud would fall flat with the educated classes, but would 
 work like a charm with the superstitious ignorant. His 
 experience as a preacher tells him how to succeed with 
 this latter class : Lots of miracles, first and foremost, 
 and the more incredible the better. A new system of 
 theology, a new frame for the old moral code ? no, that 
 
196 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 wouldn't do. Not convince, but surprise, daze, over- 
 whelm them. How many honest physicians do succeed ? 
 A few. How many charlatans? Nearly all. So let us 
 have golden plates, buried and dug up by angels ; open 
 the heavens and let them come down and talk to us, the 
 father and the son, the old prophets and apostles. 
 
 But how avoid discovery ? There's the rub. Peeper 
 Joseph translates by the power of God, but what? We 
 must invent some unheard-of language. Egyptian hiero- 
 glyphics very good.* But those learned fellows begin to 
 translate them ; that wouldn't be safe. They would ask 
 to see a sample of our hieroglyphics, and that would give 
 away our whole game. But reformed Egyptian, how is 
 that ? Any unintelligible scrawl can be shown as reformed 
 hieroglyphics. Nobody can read them, and isn't this 
 just what is prophesied in the Scriptures ? 
 
 " And the vision of all is become unto you as the words of a book 
 that is sealed, which men deliver to one that is learned, saying, read 
 this, I pray thee ; and he saith, I cannot, for it is sealed." (Isaiah 29.) 
 
 So we want a miraculous book in a language unknown 
 to the whole world ; it must be sealed. Any of the " pro- 
 fessors" of this world will say: "I can't read it." 
 That's what we want. Eureka ! This prevents discovery 
 and fulfills Scripture ; it makes us a riddle with the edu- 
 cated and a success with the ignorant. The "reformed 
 Egyptian " was adopted, after many a sleepless night, no 
 doubt, by Rigdon. But how get the rhino for publica- 
 tion? My servants Sidney and Joseph had not a dollar in 
 the world and their credit was surely not far above that 
 
 * The Book of Mormon contains the records of descendants of the 
 Jews, and is written by Jews. But still they write in Egyptian hiero- 
 glyphics, notwithstanding the notorious fact that Jews have the utmost 
 jealous veneration for their own language, and hate all that's 
 Egyptian-like, as the French do anything connected with Germany 
 and Bismarck. But what is all this to the " restorers of the House of 
 Israel?" They wanted a language "the knowledge of which was 
 lost to the world," id /, a fraud that could not be detected by the 
 vulgar at first sight. The " reformed Egyptian " and the hieroglyphics 
 "thereof" are in harmony with Sidney's education, the clumsiest 
 hoax ever invented, but they were mysterious and miraculous enough 
 for the average Mormon neophyte. 
 
Martin Fixed with Reformed Egyptian. 197 
 
 enjoyed by tramps in general in this great and free coun- 
 try. A substantial fool had to be fixed, it is clear. And 
 in there steps upon the scene of Mormon history the 
 greatest and best fixed of all the innumerable fools fixed 
 by this " faith" farmer MARTIN HARRIS. . , 
 
 Did you ever know a Martin Harris ? I have known 
 lots of them, in pants and in petticoats. They believe 
 anything, and the more miraculous it is, the easier they 
 swallow it. Joe's Martin saw the devil, and "he looked 
 like a jackass, and had hair like a mouse." He wrote 
 prophesies like this : 
 
 " I do hereby assert and declare that in four years from the date 
 hereof, every sectarian and religious denomination in the United 
 States shall be broken down, and every Christian shall be gathered 
 unto the Mormonites, and the rest of the human race shall perish. If 
 these things do not take place, I will hereby consent to have my hand 
 separated from my body." 
 
 Not much fixing was needed with such a fool. He 
 mortgaged his farm, and paid the $3,000 to the printer, 
 and so Mr. Tullidge's " Messianic wave " could sweep 
 on. But before shelling out he had a doubt now and 
 then. So Joseph had to arrange with some one who was 
 in the secret for the last finishing touch of this fixing job. 
 Harris expressed a wish to show some of the hieroglyphics 
 to some learned men east. Joe feels a little embarrassed, 
 but a way is found out of the difficulty. He is somewhat 
 of a penman, that pal behind the curtain, and he sits 
 down and makes hieroglyphics, not the old kind seen on 
 Egyptian temples and obelisks, but "reformed" ones. 
 "You will see, Martin," says Joe to the man who has 
 seen the devil, " those learned professors cannot read this 
 book ; it can only be read by the gift and power of God. 
 They'll of course tell you they cannot read it, just as 
 predicted by Isaiah ; and if you tell them about a sealed 
 book, or that the book was given to me by angels, they 
 will laugh, Martin. Those wise fools always laugh at the 
 wisdom of God." 
 
 When I first got a glimpse of the " reformed" hiero- 
 glyphics in some Gentile publication, I thought that they 
 must be a hoax, invented by some wag, and published by 
 
198 
 
 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 some too credulous writer. But, to my infinite astonish- 
 ment, I found the original in two church publications, in 
 the "Prophet 11 and the Millennia Star. This is an 
 exact copy : 
 
 Do you know of any smart boy of say ten or twelve 
 years who could not make better "reformed" hiero- 
 glyphics? Better and more complete? For " 21 + 4= " 
 is not complete ; it should read, even in reformed Egypt- 
 ian, " 21 + 4=125." Still they were Egyptian enough for 
 
The Fool Interviews the Scholar. 199 
 
 Martin, and he went with them to ^Professor Anthon in 
 New York. Mr. Anthon had a great fame for learning in 
 ancient languages. Before going to Anthon, however, 
 Martin paid a call on Dr. Mitchell. Dr. M. could not 
 read the hieroglyphics ; you might as well have asked him 
 for the meaning of the natural design of a piece of wood. 
 Prof. Anthon gives, in a letter dated Feb. 17,, 1834, a 
 very lively description of Martin's visit : 
 
 " The whole story about my having pronounced the Mormonite 
 inscription to.be 'REFORMED EGYPTIAN HIEROGLYPHICS' is PER- 
 FECTLY FALSE. Some years ago a plain- and apparently simple- 
 hearted farmer called upon me with a note from Dr. Mitchell, of our 
 city, now deceased, requesting me to decipher, if possible, a paper 
 which the farmer would hand me, and which Dr. M. confessed he 
 had been unable to understand. Upon examining the paper in 
 question I soon came to the conclusion that it was all a trick, perhaps 
 a hoax. When I asked the person who brought it how he obtained 
 the writing, he gave me, as far as I can now recollect, the following 
 account : 
 
 " A ' gold book,' 1 consisting of a number of plates of gold, fastened 
 together in the shape of a book by wires of the same metal, had been 
 dug up in the Northern part of the State of New York, and along 
 with the book an enormous pair of ' GOLD SPECTACLES ! ' These 
 spectacles were so large that if a person attempted to look through 
 them, his two eyes would have to be turned towards one of the glasses 
 merely, the spectacles in question being altogether too large for the 
 breadth of the human face. Whoever examined the plates through 
 the spectacles was enabled not only to read them, but fully to under- 
 stand their meaning. All this knowledge, however, was confined at 
 that time to a young man who had the trunk containing the book and 
 spectacles in his sole possession. This young man was placed BE- 
 HIND A CURTAIN, in the garret of a farm house, and being concealed 
 from view, put on the spectacles occasionally, or rather looked through 
 one of the glasses, deciphered the characters in the book and, having 
 committed some of them to paper, handed copies from behind the cur- 
 tain to those who stood on the outside. Not a word, however, was 
 said about the plates having been deciphered ' by the gift of God.' 
 Everything, in this way, was effected by the large pair of spectacles. 
 
 " The farmer added that he had been requested to contribute a 
 sum of money towards the publication of the ' golden book,' the con- 
 tents of which would, as he had been assured, produce an entire 
 change in the world and save it from ruin. So urgent had been these 
 solicitations that he intended selling his farm and handing over the 
 amount received to those who wished to publish the plates. As a last 
 precautionary step, however, he had resolved to come to New York, 
 and obtain the opinion of the learned about the meaning of the paper 
 
2oo Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 which he had brought with him, and which had been given him as a 
 part of the contents of the book, although NO TRANSLATION had been 
 furnished at the time by the young man with the spectacles. 
 
 " On hearing this odd story, I changed my opinion about the 
 paper and, instead of viewing it any longer as a hoax upon the 
 learned, I began to regard it as part of a scheme to cheat the farmer 
 of his money, and I communicated my suspicions to him, warning 
 him to beware of rogues. He requested an opinion from me in 
 writing, wnich of course / declined giving, and he then took his 
 leave, carrying the paper with him. 
 
 " This paper was in fact a singular scrawl. It consisted of all 
 kinds of crooked characters, disposed in columns, and had evidently 
 been prepared by some person who had before him at the time a book 
 containing various alphabets. Greek and Hebrew letters, crosses and 
 flourishes, Roman letters, inverted or placed sideways, were placed in 
 perpendicular columns, and the whole ended in a rude delineation of 
 a circle divided into various compartments, decked with various 
 strange marks, and evidently copied after the Mexican Calendar given 
 by Humboldt, but copied in such a way as not to betray the source 
 whence* it was derived. I am thus particular as to the contents of the 
 paper, inasmuch as I have frequently conversed with my friends on the 
 subject, since the Mormonite excitement began, and well remember 
 that the paper contained ANYTHING EL>E BUT 'EGYPTIAN HIERO- 
 GLYPHICS.' 
 
 Some time after the farmer paid me a second visit. He brought 
 with him the golden book in print, [the first edition of the Book of 
 Mormon] and offered it to me for sale. I declined purchasing. He 
 then asked permission to leave the book with me for examination. I 
 declined receiving it, although his manner was strangely urgent. 
 I adverted once more to the ROGUERY which had been, in my opinion, 
 practiced upon him, and asked him what had become of the GOLD 
 PLATES. He informed me that they were in a trunk with the large 
 pair of spectacles. I advised him to go to a magistrate and have the 
 trunk examined. He said ' the curse of God ' would come upon him 
 should he do this. On my pressing him, however, to pursue the 
 course which I had recommended, he told me that he would open the 
 trunk if I would take the curse of God ' upon myself. I replied 
 that I would do so with the greatest willingness, and would incur 
 every risk of that nature, provided I could only rescue him from the 
 grasp of rog^^es. He then left me." 
 
 How good-natured and polite that professor was ! How 
 fatherly his talk to the poor fool ! But Martin is fixed 
 beyond redemption. Any objection only serves to show 
 to him that scripture is being literally fulfilled, wherever 
 the wicked world comes in contact with the new gospel. 
 He returns to Joe and shows the curious form which the 
 
Joe Lies Uncommonly. 201 
 
 New York events have taken in his devil-digesting brain. 
 We have no direct tale from Martin, but Joe gives (in his 
 truthful way) his version of the whole occurrence. Says 
 he: 
 
 " Martin got the characters which I had drawn off the plates and 
 started with them to the city of New York. For what took place rel 
 ative to him and the characters I refer to his own account of the cir- 
 cumstances, as he related them to me after his return, which was as 
 follows : I went to the city of New York and presented the charac- 
 ters which had been translated, with the translation thereof, to Profes- 
 sor Anthon, a gentleman celebrated for his literary attainments. Pro- 
 fessor Anthon stated THAT THE TRANSLATION WAS CORRECT, MORE 
 
 SO THAN ANY HE HAD BEFORE SEEN TRANSLATED FROM THE EGYP- 
 TIAN. I then showed him those which were not yet translated, and he 
 said that they were EGYPTIAN, CHALDAIC, ASSYRIAC and ARABIC, 
 and he said that they were the TRUE CHARACTERS. He gave me a 
 CERTIFICATE, certifying to the people of Palmyra that they were true 
 characters, and that the translation of such of them as had been trans- 
 lated was also correct. I took the certificate and put it into my pocket, 
 and was just leaving the house when Mr. Anthon called me back, and 
 asked me how the young man found out that there was gold plates 
 in the place where he found them. I answered that an angel of God 
 had revealed it unto him. He then said to me, Let me see that certif- 
 icate. I accordingly took it out of my pocket and gave it to him, when 
 he took it and tore it to pieces, saying that there was no such thing 
 now as ministering of angels, and that if I would bring the plates to 
 him he would translate them. I informed him that part of the plates 
 were SEALED, and that I was forbidden to bring them. He replied, 
 ' I cannot read a sealed book." 1 I left him and went to Dr. Mitchell, who 
 SANCTIONED what Professor Anthon had said, respecting both the 
 characters and translation.' 1 " 
 
 I doubt whether there ever was, since the world exists, 
 more lying done to the square inch than we see in this tale 
 of the peeper. And how he contradicts himself. He 
 says he gave the characters to Martin, and then Martin 
 shows to Anthon, all of a sudden, the characters and 
 translation. Anthon says there was no translation. Joseph 
 says Anthon found the translation from the Egyptian cor- 
 rect, more correct than any he had ever seen. From the 
 Egyptian ! Does Egyptian consist of Chaldaic, Assyriac 
 and Arabic? Is your reformed Egyptian not a language 
 entirely unknown to the world? Didn't you write, Nov. 13, 
 1843: 
 
202 Mormon Portraits. 7. Joseph Smith. 
 
 " By the power of God I translated the Book of Mormon from 
 hieroglyphics, the knowledge of which was lost to the world ? " 
 
 Has Professor Anthon, like you, the power of God as 
 a help when translating? Or, if any man learned in hiero- 
 glyphics can translate your signs, what use is there for 
 your "Seer Stone" or Urim and Thummim, power of 
 God and special inspiration? But what's the use of cross- 
 examining you before a set of fellows who could never 
 make a fat living and ride in fine buggies, if not keeping 
 up the fraud? Says our excellent little Sunday-school 
 Catechism of 1882 : 
 
 Q. To what city did Joseph send a copy of some of the charac- 
 ters? 
 
 A. To New York. 
 
 Q. Who took this copy ? 
 
 A. Martin Harris. 
 
 Q. To whom did he show it ? 
 
 A. To Professor Charles Anthon. 
 
 Q. Who was Professor Anthon ? 
 
 A. A very learned man. 
 
 Q. What did the Professor say about the characters ? 
 
 A. That they were TRUE and that THE TRANSLATION WAS COR- 
 RECT. 
 
 Q. When Martin Harris informed him that part of the plates 
 were sealed, what did he say ? 
 
 A. That he could not read a sealed book. 
 
 Q. By what ancient prophet was this circumstance foretold ? 
 
 A. By Isaiah, Chapter 29, verse n 14. 
 
 Q. How long ago was it that this prophecy was uttered ? 
 
 A. About twenty-six hundred years. 
 
 Q. When was it fulfilled ? 
 
 A. In April, 1828. 
 
 Q. Did Martin Harris show the characters AND THE TRANSLATION 
 to anyone else ? 
 
 A. Yes, to Dr. Mitchell. 
 
 Q. Who was Dr. Mitchell ? 
 
 A. A gentleman learned in ancient languages. 
 
 Q. What did he say ? 
 
 A. The same as Professor Authon had said, that the CHARACTERS 
 were TRUE ones and that the TRANSLATION was CORRECT. 
 
 But enough of this kind of rot. Look at the hiero- 
 glyphics, or let your little Freddy look at them, that bright " 
 boy who writes so nice a hand. He will soon find out the 
 trick how to make "reformed" Egyptian hieroglyphics. 
 
Stories About the Old Peep stone. 203 
 
 The chief element of the whole fun lies in its palpable 
 clumsiness. Is it a wonder that there never was a Mormon 
 with something like an education who has remained in 
 the "church?" 
 
 Take that other most holy hoax about the " Urim and 
 Thummim." Harris speaks to Anthon of huge "gold 
 spectacles." Lucy's three-cornered diamonds are set in 
 silver. Harris says later: "The prophet possessed a 
 SEER STONE, by which he was enabled to translate, as well 
 as from the Urim and Thummim, and for convenience he 
 then used the seer stone." David Whitmer says : "The 
 tablets or plates were translated by Smith, who used a 
 small oval or kidney-shaped stone, f#/fo/"tjriro and Thum- 
 mim." * Emma says on her death-bed to her son Joseph: 
 
 " In writing for your father I frequently wrote day after day, often 
 sitting at the table close by him, he sitting with his face buried in his 
 hat with THE stone in it." 
 
 And finally comes the solemn church organ, the Dese- 
 ret News, and hands us one of the anointed cats out of its 
 bag: 
 
 " The next error is that the seer stone WHICH JOSEPH USED IN 
 THE TRANSLATION was called Urim and Thummim. The instrument 
 thus denominated was composed of two crystal stones set in the two 
 rims of a bow. The seer stone was separate and distinct from the 
 Urim and Thummim. The latter was delivered to the angel as 
 well as the plates after the translation was completed, f The former 
 remained with the church and is NOW IN THE POSSESSION OF THE 
 PRESIDENT." 
 
 Out with it, ye Mormon Historians and Presidents, 
 and let us have a look at the whole juggling apparatus ! 
 
 * There is no mention of the Urim and Thummim in the revela- 
 tions as originally published in 1833. It was a later concoction, and I 
 cannot but admire the skill of the Mormon Lord in amending his 
 revelations. Like all great writers he never seems satisfied with his 
 work. There's always room for improvement. 
 
 f That is, in the summer of 1829. But Endowment-House-Devil 
 Phelps is really the originator of the Urim and Thummim in Mormon- 
 ism. This was while our devil was conducting the Evening and 
 Morning Star in the land of Missouri, 1832-3. But his brilliant idea 
 arrived too late to be got into the first edition of the Lord's " revela- 
 tions." 
 
204 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 You have the old peep-stone, stolen from the children of 
 Mr. Chase (see Appendix, Documents) and you have even 
 the PLATES, with which Joe and Cowdery duped Martin 
 Harris, the Whitmers and poor Emma. I know you have got 
 them : somebody saw them in the safe of the Historian's 
 office and told me. They are a bundle of brass plates, 
 with some scratches on them, that fools would take for 
 "hieroglyphics." Gowdery made them and Joe showed 
 them to the "witnesses" with a great ado and hocuspo- 
 cus. People who swallow the hieroglyphics and your tale 
 about Martin's visit to Prof. Anthon, would swallow 
 anything, even if you had a mind to assert that humming 
 birds in the other world look just like our elephants. You 
 had a little bundle of brass plates, Joe, with some scratches 
 on them, cost of the whole thing two or three dollars, and 
 they explain a certificate like this : 
 
 Be it known unto all nations, kindreds, tongues and people unto 
 whom this work shall come, that Joseph Smith, Jun., the translator of 
 this work, has shewn unto us the plates of which hath been spoken, 
 which have the appearance of gold ; and as many of the leaves as the 
 said Smith has translated we did handle with our hands; and we 
 also saw the ENGRAVINGS thereon, all of which has the appearance of 
 ancient work, and of curious workmanship. And this we bear record 
 with words of soberness, that the said Smith has shewn unto us, for 
 we have seen and HEFTED, and know of a surety that the said Smith 
 has got the plates of which we have spoken. And we give our names 
 unto the world, to witness unto the world that which we have seen ; 
 and we lie not, God bearing witness of it." 
 
 CHRISTIAN WHITMER, HIRAM PAGE, 
 
 JACOB WHITMER, JOSEPH SMITH, Sen., 
 
 PETER WHITMER, Jr., HYR.UM SMITH, 
 
 JOHN WHITMER, SAMUEL H. SMITH. 
 
 I am aware the said Smith avers in his history that he 
 handed the plates over to " the angel " after he, the said 
 Smith, had translated them. But that statement, like 
 most of the said Smith's, don't count. As they have been 
 seen and handled, " hefted," and the engravings thereon 
 seen in the Historian's office in this city, now why can't 
 we all have a " go " at them, I ask ? 
 
 And those made-up plates explain a statement like this 
 from the pale lips of poor dying Emma: 
 
Emma Fingers the Plates. 205 
 
 " The plates often lay on the table without any attempt at con- 
 cealment, wrapped in a small linen table-cloth, which I had given 
 him [Joseph] to fold them in. I once felt of the plates as they thus 
 lay on the table, tracing their outline and shape. They seemed to be 
 pliable, like thick paper, and would rustle with a metallic sound 
 when the edges were moved by the thumb, as one does sometimes 
 thumb the edges of a book." 
 
 No, you poor martyr, you did not lie about the plates 
 on the brink of eternity. You were no fool, but you 
 were fixed, all the same, by the tenderness and confidence 
 you felt for the man of your love. 
 
 But you, gentle reader, don't you see him now clear 
 before your eyes, the greatest fool-fixer of the age ? Don't 
 you see him with hat and peepstone, a bundle of false 
 plates, and Rigdon's crazy, absurd, tedious, disgusting 
 nonsense about Lehi and Nephi, Nephites and Lamanites, 
 Mormon and Moroni ? Do I need anything else than his 
 own stupid lies and impossible languages and hiero- 
 glyphics to convict him ? But you might like a tremen- 
 dous clincher, all the same, and you shall have it, to your 
 heart's content, in the next chapter. 
 
 THE KINDERHOOK PLATES. 
 
 A Superlative Hoax John Taylor Prematurely Happy 
 Affidavit of Fugate as to his Hieroglyphics The Dollar 
 Sign as Hieroglyphic Joe Finds and Gives the Key 
 The Royal Descendant of Ham A King Nine Feet 
 High Orson Pratt Knows the Fraud The "Sin- 
 cerity " of a Lot of Cheats. 
 
 The day came when the seer and translator was caught 
 in a trap. The true story of the celebrated plates " found" 
 at Kiriderhook, Illinois, April 23, 1843, an d unearthed, 
 for the second time, by my indefatigable friend Cobb, 
 after long digging and delving, nails the translator down 
 
206 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 for all eternity. Let me introduce the documents. The 
 first is an article in the Nauvoo church organ, the Times 
 and Seasons. I reproduce it in toto from the original : 
 
 (TO THE EDITOR OF THE "TIMES AND SEASONS.") 
 
 On the 1 6th of April, 1843, a respectable merchant, by the name 
 of Robert Wiley, commenced digging in a large mound near this 
 place ; he excavated to a depth of ten feet and came to rock. About 
 that time the rain began to fall, and he abandoned the work. On the 
 23d, he and quite a number of the citizens, with myself, repaired to 
 the mound, and after making ample opening, we found plenty of 
 rock, the most of which appeared as though it had been strongly 
 burned ; and after removing full two feet of said rock, we found 
 plenty of charcoal and ashes, also human bones that appeared as 
 though they had been burned ; and near the eciphalon a bundle was 
 found that consisted of Six PLATES OF BRASS, of a bell shape, each 
 having a hole near the the small end, and a ring through them all, 
 and clasped with two clasps. The ring and clasps appeared to be 
 iron, very much oxidated: the plates first appeared to be copper, and 
 had the appearance of being covered with characters. It was agreed 
 by the company that I should cleanse the plates. Accordingly I took 
 them to my house, washed them with soap and water and a woolen 
 cloth; but finding them not yet cleansed, I treated them with dilute 
 sulphuric acid, which made them perfectly clean, on which it appeared 
 that they were completely covered with characters, that none, as yet, 
 have been able to read. Wishing that the world might know the 
 hidden things as fast as they come to light, I was induced to state the 
 facts, hoping that you would give them an insertion in your excellent 
 paper, for we all feel anxious to know the true meaning of the plates, 
 and publishing the facts might lead to the true translation. They 
 were found, I judge, more than twelve feet below the surface of the 
 top of the mound. 
 
 I am most respectfully, a citizen of Kinderhook, 
 
 W. P. HARRIS, M. D. 
 
 The following Certificate was forwarded for publication at 
 the same time : 
 
 We, citizens of Kinderhook, whose names are annexed, do certify 
 and declare, that on the 23d of April, 1843, while excavating a large 
 mound in this vicinity, Mr. R. Wiley took from said mound six brass 
 plates, of a bell shape, covered with ancient characters. Said plates 
 were very much oxidated. The bands and rings on said plates 
 mouldered into dust on a slight pressure. 
 
 ROBERT WILEY, G. W. F. WARD, FAYETTE GRUBB, 
 
 W. LONGNECKER, IRA S. CURTIS, W. P. HARRIS, 
 
 GEORGE DECKENSON, J. R. SHARP, W. FUGATE. 
 
John Taylor Sure of the Translation. 207 
 
 John Taylor, now become "the invisible head of the 
 church," was then editor of the church organ. In an 
 editorial about the Kinderhook "find" he says: "Circum- 
 stances are daily transpiring which give additional testi- 
 mony to the authenticity of the Book of Mormon. . . The 
 man who owns the plates has taken them away for a time, but 
 has promised to return with them." So says Taylor, and he 
 feels that this "find" will " go a good way to prove the au- 
 thenticity of the Book of Mormon;" expressing finally 
 his firm belief that " the seer, the seer, Joseph, the 
 seer," * will prove himself equal to the task of solving 
 this new mystery. " We have no doubt," says he, " but 
 Mr. Smith will be able to translate them." And Taylor, 
 as the sequel shows, was fully justified in his confidence; a 
 confidence expressed a second time in the Times and Sea- 
 sons in the following lively manner : 
 
 " Why does the circumstance of the plates recently found in a mound 
 in Pike County, Illinois, by Mr Wiley, together with etymology and 
 a thousand other things, GO TO PROVE THE BOOK OF MORMON TRUE? 
 Answer: ' Because it is true.' " \Times and Seasons, p. 406, Dec. I, 
 1843. 
 
 But let us look at the trap with the translator's leg in 
 it. Here it is, in the shape of a letter from Mr. Wilbur 
 Fugate to Mr. James T. Cobb, in Salt Lake City : 
 
 MOUND STATION, ILL, JUNE 30, 1879. 
 Mr. Cobb: 
 
 I received your letter in regard to those t>lates, and will say in 
 answer that they are a HUMBUG, gotten up by Robert Wiley, Bridge 
 Whitton and myself. Whitton is dead. I do not know whether 
 Wiley is or not. None of the nine persons who signed the certificate 
 knew the secret, except Wiley and I. We read in Pratt's prophecy 
 that " Truth is yet to spring up out of the earth." We concluded to 
 prove the prophecy by way of a jok<:. We soon made our plans and 
 executed them. Bridge Whitton cut them (the plates) out of some 
 pieces of copper ; W 7 iley and I made the hieroglyphics j by making 
 impressions on beesv.ax and filling them with acid and putting it on 
 the plates. When they were finished we put them together with rust 
 
 * The title of a popular Mormon hymn composed by John Tay- 
 lor. 
 
 j- Wiley's name stands first and Fugate's last of the nine signers 
 of the " certificate" touching the excavation. 
 
208 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 made of nitric acid, old iron and lead, and bound them with a piece 
 of hoop iron, covering them completely with the rust. Our plans 
 worked admirably. A certain Sunday was appointed for digging. 
 The night before, Wiley went to the Mound where he had previously 
 dug to the depth of about eight feet, there being a flat rock that 
 sounded hollow beneath, and put them under it. On the following 
 morning quite a number of citizens were there to assist in the search, 
 there being two Mormon elders present (Marsh and Sharp). The 
 rock was soon removed, but some time elapsed before the plates were 
 discovered. I finally picked them up and exclaimed, " A piece of 
 pot metal ! " Fayette Grubb snatched them from me and struck them 
 against the rock and they fell to pieces. Dr. Harris examined them 
 and said they had hieroglyphics on them. He took acid and removed 
 the rust, and they were soon out on exhibition. Under this rock was 
 dome-like in appearance, about three feet in diameter. There were a 
 few bones in the last stage of decomposition, also a few pieces of pot- 
 tery and charcoal. There was NO SKELETON found. Sharp, the 
 Mormon elder, leaped and shouted for joy and said, Satan had ap- 
 peared to him and told him not to go (to the diggings), it was a hoax 
 of Fugate and Wiley's, but at a later hour the Lord appeared and 
 told him to go, the treasure was there. 
 
 The Mormons wanted to take the plates to Joe Smith, but we 
 refused to let them go. Some time afterward a man assuming the 
 name of Savage, of Quincy, borrowed the plates of Wiley to show to 
 his literary friends there, and took them to Joe Smith. The same 
 identical plates were returned to Wiley, who gave them to Professor 
 McDowell, of St. Louis, for his Museum. 
 
 W. FUGATE. 
 
 STATE OF ILLINOIS, ) 
 BROWN COUNTY. f ss 
 
 W. Fugate, being first duly sworn, deposes and says that the above 
 letter, containing an account of the plates found near Kinderhook, is 
 true and correct, to the best of his recollection. 
 
 W. FUGATE. 
 
 Subscribed and sworn to before me this 3Oth day of June, 1879. 
 
 JAY BROWN, J. P. 
 
 Since 1843 the Kinderhook plates have been relied 
 upon by the Mormon leaders as a strong argument in favor 
 of Joe's plates, from which he translated his new (f bible," 
 and, in fact, they are coin from the same mint almost, 
 id est, silly fabrications. You don't find deep mysteries 
 on any of them, like the dark formula, 21 -\- 4=, but 
 their characters seem inspired by a mind very much oc- 
 
Dollar Sign Hieroglyphics, 209 
 
 cupied with worldly affairs. At least, I find the vulgar 
 DOLLAR SIGN more than two scores of times in these 
 "hieroglyphics," now very clear, and then as the origi- 
 nal idea of a sign. In this way I can trace it about ten 
 times alone in this single plate of the "engravings," two or 
 
 three of them very clearly. Notwithstanding the obvious 
 clumsiness of the fraud (Mr. Fugate calls it a joke) a 
 number of writers on Mormon history, among them the 
 best, including John Hyde and Captain Burton, have re- 
 produced a fac simile of the plates, and spoken seriously 
 of them, leaving the reader to guess what they might 
 mean, and apparently puzzled by them themselves. 
 
 I am able to solve the mystery. They are hieroglyph^ 
 ics, and Mr. Smith could translate them. The British 
 church organ, called the Millennial Star, printed in Liver- 
 pool, "gives us the key," as old Lucy would say. In 
 
210 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 Vol. XXL, number of January 15, 18^9, is an extract 
 from " Mr. Smith's" diary, dated Monday, May i, 1843, 
 a week or so after the discovery of the plates was made. 
 Mr. Smith says: "I insert fac similes of the six brass 
 plates found near Kinderhook, in Pike County, 111., on 
 April 23, 1843, by Mr. R. Wiley and others; while ej:- 
 cavating a large mound, they found a skeleton about six 
 feet from the surface of the earth, which must have stood 
 nine feet high. The plates were found on the breast of the 
 skeleton and were covered on both sides with ancient 
 characters. 
 
 "I HAVE TRANSLATED A PORTION OF THEM AND FIND 
 THEY CONTAIN THE HISTORY OF THE PERSON WITH WHOM 
 THEY WERE FOUND, HE WAS A DESCENDANT OF HAM, 
 THROUGH THE LOINS OF PHARAOH, KING OF EGYPT, AND 
 THAT HE RECEIVED HIS KINGDOM FROM THE RULER OF 
 
 HEAVEN AND EARTH," (On pages 41, 43, Millennial 
 Star, Vol. XXL, is a fac simile of these plates.) 
 
 There you have him in his full glory, the son of old 
 Lucy-Munchhausen. He was not present at the excavat- 
 ing of the plates, but he finds a great many more things 
 than the buriers and excavators found themselves. The 
 discoverer and translator of the " Book of Abraham " 
 finds in that Illinois mound the skeleton of an antique 
 monarch. The peeper knows even the size of the fellow : 
 he was nine feet, the odd inches are not given. And then, 
 you see, the plates were found on the breast of the skeleton 
 another touching and picturesque detail. And then comes 
 the crowning and glorious translation ! That ruler came of 
 illustrious ancestors, but rather in a roundabout and laby- 
 rinthic sort of way. He descended (think of it and faint) 
 from Ham, through the loins of Pharaoh, king of Egypt. 
 Which Pharaoh ? No doubt the father of that royal wench 
 whose bones were diskivercd by old Lucy-Munchhausen.* 
 And then, who cares? Don't you see that this Dime Muse- 
 um giant received his kingdom from our excellent friend, 
 Joe's " pard ? " And a tremendous kingdom it must have 
 
 * See next chapter. 
 
Pratt Tells the Truth, But Secretly. 211 
 
 been, the kingdom of a chap nine feet high and perhaps 
 two or three odd inches ! 
 
 Don't you see it now in the trap, the peeper' s leg? And 
 still, gentle reader, you say : But surely the Mormon 
 leaders do not know about such villainous frauds, 'twould 
 make accomplices of all of them, and show that they are 
 ftl deceivers, liars and hypocrites ! Now just hear what 
 was told me by a Mormon elder, an eye and ear witness : 
 "A 'class of elders,' eleven or twelve, of whom I was 
 one, was assembled in the Endowment House in 1858. 
 Apostle Orson Pratt told us that he had been reading a 
 work in which an account was given of the Kinderhook 
 Plates. An archeological society had heard of the plates 
 and they wanted to get a reliable account of them. They 
 sent down to Kinderhook, 111., two men to investigate the 
 matter. These men had been there for two or three weeks 
 without result. At last they learnt the names of the par- 
 ties concerned, and that the plates were made by a black- 
 smith; they were told so by the artist himself. Pratt told 
 the ' class ' that he was well convinced that the plates were 
 a fraud." 
 
 But let us return to the " Seer." The plates were taken 
 to him and he made a rough estimate that their translation 
 into English would make a volume of some ten or twelve 
 hundred pages ! * Joseph, however, smartly refused to 
 translate them until they were presented to some of the 
 learned societies for translation. They were sent to one 
 and returned with the word, that they could not be trans- 
 lated. And then Joseph went to work, aided by the 
 " grace of God ! " 
 
 Brigham Young and the other heads of the church 
 knew the silly fraud of the " Book of Abraham" since 
 the real translation of the papyrus by the French savant. 
 They all know that the " Spaulding myth " is no myth, 
 but the naked and damning truth. And still there is 
 scarcely a book put forth on Mormonism that does not 
 
 * This detail is contained in another letter of Mr. Fugate to James 
 T. Cobb ; also the circumstance that Bridge Whitton, who cut out the 
 plates, was a blacksmith. 
 
212 Mormon Portraits. I. Joseph Smith. 
 
 ventilate gravely the question, whether Joseph, Brigham, 
 Cannon, Taylor & Co., were sincere, or are so at this mo- 
 ment in their "faith ! " 
 
 FIRST MORMON TEMPLE, KIRTLAND, OHIO. 
 
Big Doings in Kirtland. 213 
 
 THE BOOK OF ABRAHAM. 
 
 Michael H. Chandler, the Village Barnum Testimonial 
 Given by "a Gentleman" The Writings of Abraham 
 and Joseph Discovered Egyptian Grammar by Joe 
 Astronomer Joe W. W. Phelps Lucy Discovering 
 and Lecturing A Learned Polygamist The Lord 
 Chatting with Old Abraham Choice Extracts from 
 Abraham's Book Prophet Joe's Translation Com- 
 pared with that of a Wicked Gentile The Prince of 
 Pharaoh Let us Laugh. 
 
 It was in July, 1835, in Kirtland. The kingdom was 
 flourishing. The temple was going up rapidly. The 
 first "quorum " of the twelve apostles had been ordained; 
 classes of instruction and school of prophets commenced. 
 Joseph had just begun to "wrestle" with English 
 grammar no wonder that he felt like reforming the 
 world on the scientific and educational side, after having 
 given it a new start as to religion and morals. The Lord 
 was with him in everything ; and for the last four years He 
 had been giving him "special instructions" as to the 
 principle of celestial marriage, called "adultery" by the 
 wicked Gentiles, with that indecent vulgarity characteristic 
 of those who have no faith in bleeding Spaniards. 
 
 It was on July 3, 1835, just at the time when the first 
 idea of those glorious SAND-BOXES might have struck the 
 imagination of our young prophet, when an event 
 occurred, not observed by the wicked and indifferent, 
 but notwithstanding of immense importance for the 
 salvation of mankind and the enrichment of science. The 
 chosen messenger who brought these "glad tidings" to 
 Kirtland was, as usual with Joe's Lord, a man whom the 
 initiated would have taken for anything else than an 
 instrument in the hands of the Almighty. It was no 
 
214 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 peeper this time, however, but a sort of village Barnum, 
 a "gentleman" who made a living by showing four 
 Egyptian mummies to an enlightened public, probably at 
 the modest rate of 25 cents for admission. Mummies 
 papyrus Egyptian reformed Egyptian Joseph felt 
 the seer's blood stir in his veins. Let himself relate the 
 occurrence : * 
 
 On the 36 of July, Michael H. Chandler came to Kirtland to 
 exhibit some Egyptian mummies. There were four human figures, 
 together with some two or more rolls of papyrus covered with hiero- 
 glyphic figures and devices. As Mr. Chandler had been told I could 
 translate them, he brought me some of the characters, and I gave him 
 the interpretation, and, LIKE A GENTLEMAN, he gave me the following 
 certificate : 
 
 KIRTLAND, July 6, 1835. 
 
 This is to make known to all who may be desirous concerning 
 the knowledge of Mr. Joseph Smith, Jun., in deciphering the ancient 
 Egyptian hieroglyphic characters in my possession, which I have, in 
 many eminent cities, showed to the most learned ; and, from the 
 information that I could ever learn, or meet with, I find that of Mr. 
 Joseph Smith, Jun., to correspond in the most minute matters. 
 
 MICHAEL H. CHANDLER, 
 Traveling with, and proprietor of, Egyptian mummies. 
 
 It maybe that "traveling with and proprietor of" 
 Mr. Chandler may have acted like a "gentleman" in 
 many respects, for instance, in attesting the correctness 
 of an interpretation of hieroglyphics of which he knew as 
 much as Charlie, the family horse, or as Joe himself; but 
 the syntax, etc., surely show rather the "colored 
 gemman " than anything else. "Like a gentleman!" 
 This is absolutely impayable. It shows as clear as sun- 
 light that Joe knew that the certificate was straight lie, 
 but lying for Joe, without hesitation, cavalierement, is 
 acting like a gemman. 
 
 Joe takes a deep interest in the mummies, and the 
 saints accustomed to provide for him whatsoever he 
 needeth buy them for him from the "traveling with and 
 proprietor of" gentleman. Joe tumbles at once to* a 
 tremendous discovery : 
 
 * Millennial Star, Vol. XV., p. 285. 
 
Unreformed Egyptian Hieroglyphics. 215 
 
 " Some of the saints purchased the mummies and papyrus, and I, 
 with W. W. Phelps and O. Cowdery as scribes, commenced the 
 translation of some of the characters or hieroglyphics, and much to 
 our joy found that one of the rolls contained the WRITINGS OF 
 ABRAHAM, another the WRITINGS OF JOSEPH OF EGYPT, etc. a 
 more full account of which will appear in their place, as I proceed to 
 examine or unfold them. Truly can we say : The Lord is beginning 
 to reveal the abundance of peace and truth." * 
 
 It seems, however, that the Urim and Thummim did 
 not work so well with the unreformed hieroglyphics as 
 they did with the reformed ones. Says Joe : 
 
 "The remainder of this month [July, 1835] I was continually 
 engaged in translating an alphabet to ihe Book of Abraham, and 
 arranging a grammar of the Egyptian language as practiced by the 
 ancients." 
 
 " Translating alphabets," arranging grammars it is 
 all as easy for Joe as eating a chop. Nothing that was 
 " practiced by the ancients " is unknown to the peeper. 
 He has the keys for all secrets. He is even an expert 
 astronomer. Writes he, October i, 1835, in his diary: 
 
 " This afternoon I labored in the Egyptian alphabet, in company 
 with Brothers O. Cowdery and W. W. Phelps, and during the research 
 the PRINCIPLES OF ASTRONOMY, as understood by FATHER ABRAHAM 
 and the ancients, unfolded to our understandings." 
 
 Joe had studied (but not unfolded) the " LAW OF 
 SARAH," the ingenuity of which proves, beyond doubt, 
 that " Father Abraham" would be now-a-days a member 
 of Congress at least. After having devoutly followed this 
 law for four years or so, as opportunity presented, Joe takes 
 up Abraham's astronomy. But he translates the great dis- 
 coveries of Professor Abraham always in company with 
 W. W. Phelps, you see. Mr. Editor Phelps was one of 
 the cranky dilettanti under the banner of Mormonism. 
 He had a literary smattering which turned to senseless 
 mania of scientific discoveries under the influence of "rev- 
 elation." Half an education is bad enough, but com- 
 bined with fanaticism and pious lying it is one of the 
 worst curses of humanity. Phelps played in those times a 
 very important part in the fixing up and bringing forth of 
 
 * Millennial Star, Vol. XV., pp. 296-7. 
 
2i 6 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 Joe's revelations. He blabbed sometimes about it in the 
 Utah Tabernacle, to Brigham's rage and despair. The 
 old " Devil" was too proud of having been Joseph's rev- 
 elational sage femme in olden times, and he would talk, 
 notwithstanding Brigham's efforts to restrain him by jerk- 
 ing the Devil's coat tail. On one occasion, as known to 
 all old Mormons, Phelps made a bow to Brigham, but not 
 with his face turned toward Joe's successor, and said : 
 "And Moses saw the Lord's hind part." I guess the 
 Devil was right. All Mormon founders and leaders have 
 ever seen of the Lord was nothing but the unspeakable 
 part of a caricature of Old Scratch. 
 
 But let us return to our Egyptian scholar and Abra- 
 hamic astronomer. He felt great as seer and translator, 
 but his joy was nothing compared with the rejoicings of 
 that chaste guardian of truth, keys and three-cornered 
 diamonds, Mrs. Lucy Smith-Munchausen. That dear 
 creature was in raptures over the greart di&kiveries made by 
 her darling Joe. She shows them to strangers and even 
 lectures on them ; admission fee very modest, to make 
 science accessible to the most humble. * The excellent 
 old lady had even made some learned investigations on 
 her own hook, and the result was what else could it be ? 
 that one of the mummies was PHARAOH'S DAUGHTER, 
 the same that had saved young Moses ! The poor girl's 
 mortal tenement, after having slept for four thousand 
 years or so, had to perish in a Chicago dime museum, to 
 the unspeakable sorrow of an admiring crowd of cow- 
 boys ! 
 
 Don't weep, tender-hearted reader. The " Book ot 
 Abraham " is safe, all the same. Joe has translated it, and 
 the private memoirs of Professor Abraham are a glorious 
 heritage to civilization forever, together with a whole sys- 
 
 *" For a time," says Joseph, her grandson, " she derived a little 
 income from the exhibition of some mummies and the papyrus records 
 found with them, which had been left in her care by the church for 
 this purpose. But after a time she parted with the mummies and 
 records, how, the writer is not informed, though he afterwards saw 
 two of the mummies and a part of the records in Wood's Museum in 
 Chicago, where they were destroyed by the fire in 1871." 
 
Where Are the Writings of Joseph? 217 
 
 tern of Astronomy that puts Herschel, Copernicus, Kep- 
 ler, Tycho and other ignorant Gentile savants, to use the 
 picturesque expression of Danite Dr. Avard, "where the 
 dogs cannot bite them." What is science compared to 
 " revelation," after all? Is it not groping in the dark, is it 
 not the mere groveling of swine amid husks, while the 
 chosen ones Joe, Lucy, Lee and other policemen are 
 wallowing in heaps of pearls ? 
 
 I need not tell the reader, who has felt the full force 
 of Mormon revelation so often in these pages, that the 
 "Book of Abraham" is not only a fraud, but an un- 
 speakably clumsy and silly one, too. It may be worth 
 your while, all the same, to taste a little of the " beauty, 
 grandeur and value of the truths made manifest by the 
 Most High to his friend and servant Abraham." * The 
 translation of Abraham's manuscript occupies ten pages 
 in the Pearl of Great Price, a church publication, which 
 contains among other pearls, "Visions" and "Writings 
 of Moses," a " Key to the revelations of St. John," that 
 Mormon Sevastopol " the Law of Sarah," etc., all re- 
 vealed to Joseph the Seer. I miss among the pearls 
 the "Writings of Joseph," which were likewise said to be 
 among the treasures sold to Joe by the " traveling with and 
 proprietor of gentleman. ' ' No doubt their "deciphering" did 
 "correspond in the most minute matters," too, just as that 
 of Father Abraham's astronomical note book. I bet they 
 have them in the Historian's office, " hid up " somewhere, 
 those " Writings of Joseph." I am sure they would, if 
 translated properly, (id est, by inspiration,) rival Historian 
 Tullidge's "stupendous sweep of the Prophet Joseph's 
 theology," and "lay bare the infinite sweep of existence 
 beyond the reach of the most poetic conception." Why 
 not try your inspired hand at that job, brother Tullidge, 
 and give your " Messianic wave " a good jerk ? 
 
 What struck me first in Abraham's book was the 
 familiar, "you're another" tone assumed in it by Je- 
 
 *Geo. Reynolds, the Book of Abraham, Salt Lake City, 1879. 
 Elder Reynolds has been sent to the Pen for having fulfilled the " law 
 of Sarah," but not yet to the lunatic asylum, from which place this 
 eulogy on the " Book of Abraham" should have been dated. 
 
2i8 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 hovah. The book shows clearer than anything that 
 Abraham and the Lord were on splendid terms, just like 
 Joe and his pard. " My name's Jehovah," says the Lord 
 to Abraham, "and I know the end from the beginning." 
 This sounds grand, but Jehovah's running talk, you will see, 
 is intensely fatherly, as your good old father-in-law would 
 talk to you about the necessity of putting a new roof on 
 the chicken-house. Says Abraham : 
 
 " And the Lord said unto me, the planet which is the lesser light, 
 lesser than that which is to rule the clay, even the night, is above or 
 greater than that upon which thou standest, in point of reckoning, for 
 it moveth in order more slow. This is in order, because it standeth 
 above the earth upon which thou standest ; therefore the reckoning of 
 its time is not so many as to its number of days, and of months and of 
 years. And the Lord said unto me: Now, ABRAHAM, THESE TWO 
 FACTS EXIST;, behold, thine eyes see it . . . " 
 
 I don't know how you feel while reading this stuff, 
 but I see the Lord in his dressing-gown and pipe, I can't 
 help it. But let him go on, the "powerful visitor from 
 Canaan," who "was actually the instrument used of God to 
 instruct the Egyptians in the mysteries of the starry 
 worlds." and who, by the way, "superintended the erec- 
 tion of the great pyramid :"' 
 
 " Thus I, Abraham, talked with the Lord, face to face, as one man 
 talketh with another; and He told me of the works which his hand 
 had made; and he said unto me, MY SON, MY SON, (and his hand 
 was stretched out), behold, I will show you all these. And He put his 
 hand upon mine eyes and I saw those things which His hand had 
 made, which were many; and He said unto me, This is Shinehah, 
 which is the Sun, And he said unto me, KOKOB, which is Star. And 
 he said unto me, OLEA, which is the Moon. And he said unto me, 
 KOKAUBEAM, which signifies stars, or all the great lights which were 
 in the firmament of heaven." 
 
 This is the way the Lord talked to Abraham on great 
 occasions, when he wanted to give away whole bucketfuls 
 of Astronomy. For ordinary purposes Abraham, the 
 lucky patriarch, had the Urim and Thummim, just lie 
 Joe. Was he a peeper, too, in early times, before be- 
 coming so great a patriarch ? 
 
 "And I, Abraham, had the Urim and Thummim, which the Lord 
 my God had given unto me, in Ur of the Ghaldees ; and I saw the 
 
The Lord Praises His "Intelligence" 219 
 
 Stars, that they were very great, and that one of them was nearest unto 
 the throne of God ; and there were many great ones which were near 
 unto it; and the Lord said unto me, These are the governing ones; 
 and the name of the great one is KOLOB, because it is near unto me, 
 for I am the Lord thy God : I have set this one to govern all those 
 which belong to the same order of that upon which thou standest, 
 And the Lord said unto me, by the Urim and Thummim, that Kolob 
 was after the manner of the Lord . . . " 
 
 But hear the Lord again, when He talks to Abraham 
 "face to face," without the peep-stone: 
 
 " And the Lord said unto me, Abraham, I show these things unto 
 thee, before YE go into Egypt, that ye may declare all these words. 
 IF TWO THINGS EXIST, and there be one above the other, there shall 
 be greater things above them. Therefore, Kolob is THE GREATEST 
 OF ALL THE KoKAUBEAM that thou hast seen, because it is nearest 
 unto me.* Now, if there be two things, one above the other, and 
 THE MOON BE ABOVE THE EARTH, that it may be that a planet or a 
 star may exist above it ; and <there is nothing that the Lord thy God 
 shall take in his heart to do but that he will do it. Howbeit that he 
 made the greater star, as, also, if there be two spirits, and ONE SHALL 
 BE MORE INTELLIGENT THAN THE OTHER, yet these two spirits, not- 
 withstanding one is more intelligent than the other, have no 
 beginning; they existed before, they shall have no end, they shall 
 exist after, for they are GNOLAUM, or eternal." 
 
 Does not the Lord talk like a village schoolmaster, 
 who gets crazy over some old books and a country 
 weekly? But let us peer deeper into this abyss of stu- 
 pidity : 
 
 " And the Lord said unto me, THESE TWO FACTS DO EXIST, that 
 there are two spirits, one being more intelligent than the other ; there 
 shall be another more intelligent than they; I am the Lord thy God, 
 
 I AM MORE INTELLIGENT THAN THEY ALL. The Lord thy God 
 
 sent his angel to deliver thee from the hands of the priest Elkenah. 
 I dwell in the midst of them all ; I now, therefore, have come down 
 unto thee to deliver unto thee the works which my hands have made, 
 wherein MY WISDOM EXCELLETH THEM ALL, for I rule in the heavens 
 above, and in the earth beneath, in all wisdom and prudence, OVER 
 ALL THE INTELLIGENCES thine eyes have seen from the beginning ; 
 I came down in the beginning in the midst of ALL THE INTELLI- 
 GENCIES thou hast seen." 
 
 This is religion, this is science, this is Utah's education 
 of the rising generation in the nineteenth century ! Is it 
 
 *As well as being " after the manner of the Lord." 
 
22O Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 not the eternal Mountain Meadows Massacre of the hopes 
 and aspirations of this great region of country? I ask 
 you, men and brethren, Mormon sisters and school- 
 ma'ams, shall such a state of things be gnolaum, or 
 eternal ? 
 
 Abraham, after having given his interesting theories 
 about the Kokaubcam, lectures on the creation : 
 
 " Now, the Lord had shewn unto me, Abraham, the INTELLI- 
 GENCES that were ORGANIZED before the world was ; and among all 
 these there were many of the noble and great ones ; and God saw 
 these souls that they were good, and he stood in the midst of them, 
 and he said, These I will make my rulers ; for he stood among those 
 that were spirits, and he saw that they were good ; and he said unto 
 me, Abraham, thou art one of them, thou wast chosen before thou 
 wast born. And there stood one among them that was like unto God, 
 and he said unto those who were with him, We will GO DOWN, for 
 there is space there, and we will take of these MATERIALS, and we 
 will make an earth whereon these may dwell; and we will prove 
 them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord 
 their God shall command them ; and they who keep their first estate 
 shall be added upon ; and they who keep not their first estate shall 
 not have glory in the same KINGDOM with those who keep their first 
 estate ; and they who keep their second estate shall have glory added 
 upon their heads for ever and ever. 
 
 " And the Lord said, Who shall I send ? And one answered like 
 unto the Son of Man, Here am I, send me. And another answered 
 and said, Here am I, send me. And the Lord said, I will send the 
 first. And the second was angry, and kept not his first estate, and, at 
 that day, many followed after him. And then the Lord said, Let us 
 go down ; and they went down at the beginning, and they ORGANIZED 
 and formed (that is, THE GODS) the heavens and the earth. And the 
 earth, after it was formed, was empty and desolate, because they had 
 not formed anything but the earth ; and darkness reigned upon the 
 face of the deep, and the Spirit of the Gods was brooding upon the 
 faces of the water." 
 
 In this twaddle we have not only the nucleus of Mor- 
 mon theology as to the " making of gods, worlds and 
 devils," but also a good deal of the recitations at the 
 disgusting, though dangerous and treasonable, mummery 
 called Endowments, of which more in Vol. II. of this 
 work. 
 
 Let us close the quotations with another bit of "in- 
 spired and corrected " Genesis : 
 
 " And they (THE GODS) said, Let there be light, and there was 
 
The Gods Act and Organize Like W. W. Phelps. 221 
 
 light, and they (THE GODS) comprehended the light, for it was 
 bright ; and they divided the light, or caused it to be divided from 
 the darkness; and THE GODS called the light day, and the darkness 
 they called night. And THE GODS also said, Let there be an expanse 
 in the midst of the waters, and it shall divide the waters from the . 
 waters. And THE GODS ordered the expanse, so that it divided the 
 waters which were under the expanse from the waters which were above 
 the expanse; and it was so, even as they ordered. And THE GODS 
 called the expanse Heaven. And THE GODS ordered, saying. Let the 
 waters under the heaven be gathered together unto one place, and let 
 the earth come up dry ; and it was so, as they ordered ; and THE GODS 
 pronounced the earth dry, and the gathering together of the waters, 
 pronounced they, great waters ; and THE GODS saw that they were 
 obeyed. And THE GODS said, Let us prepare the earth to bring forth 
 grass ; the herb yielding seed ; the fruit tree yielding fruit, after his 
 kind, whose seed in itself yieldeth its own likeness upon the earth; 
 and it was so, even as they ordered. And THE GODS ORGANIZFD 
 the earth to bring forth grass from its own seed, and the herb to bring 
 forth herb from its own seed, yielding seed after his kind. And THE 
 GODS ORGANIZED the lights in the expanse of the heaven, and caused 
 them to divide the day from the night; and ORGANIZED them to be for 
 signs and for seasons, and for days and for years ; and ORGANIZED 
 them to be for lights in the expanse of the heaven to give light upon 
 the earth ; and it was so. And THE GODS ORGANIZED the two great 
 lights, the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule 
 the night ; with the lesser light they set the stars also. And THE GODS 
 watched those things which they had ordered until they obeyed." 
 
 Now, let us compare, just for fun and for the sake of 
 another clincher, the interpretation of the pictures on Mr. 
 Chandler's papyrus made by Joseph, tlm Seer, with one 
 made by a competent French savant, Mr. T. Deveria : 
 
 THE RESURRECTION OF OSIRIS. 
 
 JOSEPH THE SEER. MR. DEVERIA. 
 
 FIG. i. The Angel of the Lord. FIG. I. The soul of Osiris under 
 
 the form of a hawk. 
 
 2. Abraham fastened upon an 2. Osiris coming to life on his 
 altar. funeral couch, which is in the 
 
 shape of a lion. 
 
 3. The idolatrous priest of Elke- 3. The god Anubis effecting the 
 nah attempting to offer up Abra- resurrection of Osiris. 
 
 ham as a sacrifice. 
 
 4. The altar for sacrifice by the 4. The funeral-bed of Osiris, 
 idolatrous priest standing before under which are placed the four 
 the gods of Elkenah, Libnah, sepulchral vessels called canapes, 
 Mahmackrah, Korash and Phara- each of them surmounted by the 
 oh. head of the four genii. 
 
222 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 '////////////////// ///r/i I If / //// 77/ 
 
 5. The idolatrous god of Elke- 
 nah. 
 
 6. The idolatrous god of Lib- 
 nah. 
 
 7. The idolatrous god of Mah- 
 mackrah. 
 
 8. The idolatrous god of Kor- 
 ash. 
 
 9. The idolatrous god of Phara- 
 oh. 
 
 10. Abraham in Egypt. 
 
 11. Design to represent the pil- 
 lars of heaven as understood by 
 the Egyptians. 
 
 5. Kebh-son-iw, with a hawk's 
 head. 
 
 6. Tiomautew, with a jackal's 
 head. 
 
 7. Hapi, with a dog's head. 
 
 8. Amset, with a human head. 
 
 9. The sacred crocodile, sym- 
 bolic of the God Sebet. 
 
 10. Altar laden with offerings. 
 
 11. An ornament peculiar to 
 Egyptian art. 
 
Politeness of the Prince of Pharaoh. 
 
 223 
 
 12. Customary representation of 
 ground in Egyptian paintings. 
 (The word Shauman is not Egyp- 
 tian.) 
 
 12. Raukeegang, signifying ex- 
 panse, or the firmament over our 
 heads; but in this case, in relation 
 to this subject, the Egyptians meant 
 it to signify Shauman , to be high, 
 or the heavens, answering to the 
 Hebrew Shaumdhyeem. 
 
 Now to another picture described by the French savant 
 as "initial painting of a funerary Manuscript of the Low- 
 er Epoch, which cannot be anterior to the beginning of 
 the Roman dominion : ' ' 
 
 FUNERARY MANUSCRIPT. 
 
 JOSEPH THE SEER. 
 
 FIG. i. Abraham sitting upon 
 Pharaoh's throne, BY THE POLITE- 
 NESS OF THE KING, with a crown 
 upon his head, representing the 
 Priesthood, as emblematical of THE 
 GRAND PRESIDENCY IN HEAVEN ; 
 with the sceptre of justice and 
 judgment in his hand. 
 
 2. King Pharaoh, whose name 
 is given in the characters above 
 his head. 
 
 3. Signifies Abraham in Egypt; 
 referring to Abraham as given in 
 the first fac-simile. 
 
 4. PRINCE OF PHARAOH, King 
 of Egypt, as written above the 
 hand. 
 
 5. Shulem, one of the king's 
 principal waiters, as represented 
 by the characters above his hand. 
 
 6. Olimlah, a slave belonging 
 to the prince. 
 
 Abraham is reasoning upon the 
 principles of Astronomy, in the 
 king's court. 
 
 MR. DEVERIA. 
 FIG. I. Osiris on his seat. 
 
 2. The goddess Isis. The star 
 she carries in her right hand is the 
 sign of life. 
 
 3. Altar with the offering of the 
 deceased, surrounded with lotus 
 flowers, signifying the offering of 
 the defunct. 
 
 4. The goddess Ma. 
 
 5. The deceased led by Ma into 
 the presence of Osiris. His name 
 is Horus, as may be seen in the 
 prayer which is at the bottom of 
 the picture, and which is ad- 
 dressed to the divinities of the four 
 cardinal points. 
 
 6. An unknown divinity, prob- 
 ably Anubis; but his head, which 
 ought to be that of a jackal, has 
 been changed. 
 
224 Mormon Portraits. /. Joseph Smith. 
 
 ABRAHAM AND PHARAOH. 
 
Lucy as Egyptian Lecturer'. 
 
 225 
 
 Abraham sittetfrupon Pharaoh's throne by the polite- 
 ness of the king! The king acts "like a gentleman," 
 you see. The politeness of the king ! Well, this is Lucy 
 
 LUCY SMITH. 
 
 all over, and I hear her say it in her lectures, with such a 
 winning smile and such a courtesy exactly imitating the 
 politeness of Pharaoh ! And there is a grand presidency 
 in heaven, of which the one on earth, consisting of Peeper 
 Joe, Hyrum, and Sidney Rigdon, is a most perfect copy ! 
 And there is, in Egypt, a Prince of Pharaoh, a sort of 
 Prince of Wales, but being king all the same, and wear- 
 ing, probably in Abraham's honor, female apparel ! And 
 Abraham is reasoning upon the principles of Astronomy ! 
 Are you sure, Joe, that he doesn't extol to the Prince of 
 Pharaoh the beauties of the LAW OF SARAH ? 
 
 Says Mr. Tullidge, ordained, set apart, and, let us hope, 
 anointed as official Historian by the Salt Lake City 
 Fathers : " The Book of Abraham is as closely identified 
 with Joseph, AS ITS INSPIRED TRANSLATOR, as is the Book 
 of Mormon." Yes; there can be no doubt, these two 
 
226 Mormon Portraits. I. Joseph Smith. 
 
 facts exist, that Joe was as divinely inspired to translate 
 the one as the other. I cannot say that " one is more in- 
 telligent than the other," but it seems to me, that among 
 all the "organized intelligences" in Mormonism, there is 
 one whom the Lord meant when he said, " one shall be 
 more intelligent than the other," and it is none other 
 than Historian Tullidge himself \ his "wisdom excelleth 
 them all." He understands the prophet's " grand celes- 
 tial view;" he feels that the "revelations of Joseph dis- 
 cover to us the economy of the heavens in one everlasting 
 sweep." Yes, by Kokob, Kolob, and the Kokaubeam, 
 "what a lifting up of the race is this! " Now, brother 
 Tullidge, these two facts exist-. Joseph is a prophet and 
 you are Joseph's prophet ! 
 
 Well, folks, do you want me to talk philosophy to you ? 
 want a high-toned refutation of the most impudent lies 
 ever concocted by low, ignorant impostors and cheats ? Or 
 shall we, to favor our digestion impaired by eating our 
 biscuits too hot, unite in the most tremendous peal of 
 laughter that ever shook the walls of any peaceful habita- 
 tion of man laugh, laugh, till the celebrated laughter 
 of the old Greek gods becomes like the low moaning of 
 a new-born mouse ? Must not our laughter be GNOLAUM, 
 id est, eternal ? Oh, ye eternal KOKAUBEAM, you shining 
 stars, look down and laugh with us. You can't help it, I 
 am sure. Laugh or burst ! 
 
SIDELIGHTS. 
 
 
 
 APPENDIX 
 
 OF 
 
 Documents and Facts Collected up to Fourth 
 of July, 1886. 
 
 I. 
 
 THE AFFIDAVITS OF 1833 AND 1834. 
 
 Joseph Smitti s Neighbors and Companions Testify About 
 the Prophet' 's Character. 
 
 PETER INGERSOLL: 
 
 "In the month of August, 1827, I was hired by Joseph 
 Smith, Junior, to go to Pennsylvania to move his wife's house- 
 hold furniture up to Manchester, where his wife then was. When we 
 arrived in Harmony, Pa., his father-in-law, Mr. ISAAC HALE, ad- 
 dressed Joseph, in a flood of tears: "You have stolen my daughter 
 and married her. I had much rather followed her to the grave. 
 You spend your time in digging for money, pretend to SEE IN A STONE 
 and deceive the people." Joseph wept and acknowledged he could 
 not see in a stone and never could, and that Ms former pretensions in 
 that respect were all FALSE. He then promised to give up his old 
 habits of digging for money and looking into stones. Mr. Hale told 
 Joseph if he would move to Pennsylvania and work for a living, he 
 
228 Mormon Portraits. /. Sidelights. 
 
 would assist him in getting into business. Joseph acceded to this 
 proposition. Joseph told me, on his return, that he intended to keep 
 the promise which he had made to his father-in-law, "but," said he 
 " it will be hard for me, for they will all oppose, as they want me to 
 look in the stone for them to dig money," and, in fact, it was as he 
 predicted. THEY URGED HIM, day after day, to resume his old prac- 
 tice of looking in the stone. One day he came and greeted me with 
 a joyful countenance, and said: "As I was passing, yesterday, across 
 the woods, I found, in a hollow, some beautiful white sand. I took 
 off my frock, and tied up several quarts of it and then went home. 
 On my entering the holise I found the family at the table, eating din- 
 ner. They were all anxious to know the contents of my frock. At 
 that moment I happened to think of what I had heard of a history 
 found in Canada, called the GOLDEN BIBLE, so I very gravely told 
 them it was the Golden Bible. To my surprise they were credulous 
 enough to believe what I said. Accordingly I told them that I 
 had received a commandment to let no one see it, for, says I, no man 
 can see it with the naked eye and live. Now, said Joe, I HAVE GOT 
 THE DAMNED FOOLS FIXED AND WILL CARRY OUT THE FUN." 
 
 WILLIAM STAFFORD: 
 
 " The Smiths devoted much time to DIGGING FOR MONEY, 
 especially in the night. They would say that in such a place, in 
 such a hill, on a certain man's farm, there were deposited kegs, 
 barrels and hogsheads of coined silver and gold, bars of gold, golden 
 images, brass kettles filled with gold and silver, gold candlesticks, 
 swords, etc. They would say also that nearly all the hills in this part 
 of New York were thrown up by human hands and in them were large 
 caves, which Joseph, Jr., could see by placing a STONE of singular 
 appearance in his HAT-in such a manner as to exclude all light; that 
 he could see within those caves large gold bars and silver plates, that 
 he could also discover the SPIRITS in whose charge those treasures 
 were, clothed in ancient dress. New Moon and Good Friday were 
 regarded as the most favorable times for obtaining these treasures. 
 Joseph Smith,, Sen., came to me one night and told me that Joseph, Jr., 
 had been LOOKING IN HIS GLASS and had seen, near his house, two or 
 three kegs of gold and silver some feet under the surface of the earth. 
 Early in the evening we repaired to the place of deposit. Joseph, Sr., 
 first made a circle 12 or 14 feet in diameter. This circle, he said, con- 
 tained the treasure. He then stuck in the ground a row of witch-hazel 
 sticks, around the said circle, to keep off the EVIL SPIRITS. Within 
 this circle he made another, 8 or 10 feet in diameter. He walked 
 around three times on the periphery of this last circle, muttering to 
 himself something which I could not understand. He next stuck a 
 steel rod in the centre of the circles and then enjoined profound silence 
 upon us, lest we should arouse the evil spirits who had the charge of 
 these treasures. After we had dug a trench about 5 feet in depth 
 around the rod, the old man by signs and motions asked leave of 
 
Romantic Origin of the Peeps tone. 229 
 
 absence and went to the house to inquire of young Joseph the cause of 
 our disappointment. He soon returned and said that Joseph had 
 remained all this time in the house LOOKING IN HIS STONE and watch- 
 ing the motions of the evil spirit ; that he saw the spirit come up to 
 the ring, and as soon as it beheld the cone which we had formed around 
 the rod, it cazised the money to sink. We then went to the house and 
 the old man observed that we had made a mistake in the commence- 
 ment of the operation ; if it had not had been for that, said he, we 
 should have got the money. At another time they devised a scheme 
 to satiate their hunger with the mutton of one of my SHEEP. They had 
 seen in my flock a large, fat, black wether. Old Joseph and one of 
 the boys came to me one day and said that young Joseph had discov- 
 ered some great treasures which could only be procured in this way : 
 that a black sheep should be taken on the ground where the treasures 
 were concealed, thaj; after cutting its throat it should be led around a 
 circle while bleeding. This being done the wrath of the evil spirit 
 would be appeased, the treasures could then be obtained and my share 
 of it was to be FOUR-FOLD. To gratify my curiosity I let them have a 
 large fat sheep. They afterwards informed me that the sheep was 
 killed pursuant to commandment, but as there was some mistake in the 
 process, it did not work. This, I believe, is the only time they ever 
 made money-digging a profitable business. They had around them 
 constantly a worthless gang. 
 
 WILLARD CHASE: 
 
 "In 1820 the Smiths were engaged in the money-digging busi- 
 ness, which they followed until the fall of 1827. In 1822 I was engaged 
 in digging a well. I employed Alvin and Joseph Smith to assist me. 
 After digging about twenty feet below the surface of the earth we 
 discovered A SINGULARLY APPEARING STONE, which excited my curi- 
 osity. I brought it to the top of the well. Joseph put it into his 
 HAT and then his face into the top of his hat. The next morning he 
 came to me and wished to obtain the stone, alleging that he could SEE 
 IN IT. I lent it to him. After obtaining it he began to publish 
 abroad what WONDERS he could discover by looking into it. He had 
 it in his possession about two years. Some time in 1825 Hyrum 
 Smith came to me and wished to borrow the same stone, fie pledged 
 his word that he would return it, and I lent it to him. In the fall of 
 1826, when I asked Hyrum for the stone, he said : ' You cannot have 
 it.' I repeated to him the promise he made me, upon which he said : 
 ' I don't care who in the devil it belongs to, you shall not have it.' 
 
 " In the fall of 1826 Joseph wanted to go to Pennsylvania to be 
 married, and having no money, set his wits to work. He went to 
 Lawrence with the following story, as related to me by Lawrence 
 himself: that he had discovered in Pennsylvania, on the banks of the 
 Susquehannah, A VERY RICH MINE OF SILVER, and if he would go 
 there with him, he might have a share in the profits; that it was near 
 high-water mark and that they could load it into boats and take it 
 
230 Mormon Portraits. /. Sidelights. 
 
 down to Philadelphia to market. Lawrence asked Joseph if he was 
 not deceiving him ; no,' said he, ' for I have been there and SEEN IT 
 WITH MY OWN EYES, and if you do not find it so when we get there, 
 I will bind myself to be your servant for three years.' Lawrence 
 agreed to go with him, had to bear his expenses on the way, and 
 when he wished to see the silver mine, they found nothing. After 
 his marriage Joseph, still out- of money, set his wits at work how he 
 should get back to Manchester, his place of residence He went to 
 an honest old Dutchman, called Stowel, and told him that he had 
 discovered on the bank of Black River a cave, in which he had found 
 A BAR OF GOLD, AS BIG AS HIS LEG and three or four feet long ; that 
 he could not get it out alone, and if he would move him to Man- 
 chester, N. Y., they would go together, get a chisel and mallet and 
 get it and Stowel should share the prize with him. Stowel moved 
 him. After their arrival in Manchester Stowel Reminded Joseph of 
 his promise, but he calmly replied that he would not go, because his 
 wife was now among strangers and would be very lonesome if he 
 went away. Mr. Stowel was then obliged to return without any gold. 
 " In April, 1830, I again asked Hyrum for the stone; he told me I 
 should not have it, for Joseph MADE USE OF IT IN TRANSLATING HIS 
 BIBLE. The Smiths were regarded by their neighbors as a PEST TO 
 SOCIETY.- I have always regarded Joseph Smith, Jr., as a man whose 
 word could not be depended upon. Hyrum's character was but very 
 little better. The whole family were WORTHLESS PEOPLE. After 
 they became thorough Mormons their conduct was more disgraceful 
 than ever. Their tongues were continually employed in spreading 
 scandal and abuse. Although they left this part of the country with- 
 out paying their just debts, yet their creditors were glad to have them 
 do so, rather than have them stay.' 1 ' 1 
 
 I introduce now the statement of a living brother of 
 Willard Chase, Mr. Abel D. Chase, never published be- 
 fore. It has a special interest in showing up Rigdon's 
 secret visits at the Smiths at the time when he and Joe 
 were engineering the Gold Bible fraud : 
 
 PALMYRA, Wayne Co., N. Y., May 2, 1879. 
 
 I, Abel D. Chase, now living in Palmyra, Wayne Co., N. Y., make 
 the following statement ragarding my early acquaintance with Joseph 
 Smith and incidents about the production of the so-called Mormon 
 Bible. I was well acquainted with the Smith family, frequently visit- 
 ing the Smith boys and they me. I was a youth at the time from twelve 
 to thirteen years old, having been born Jan. 19, 1814, at Palmyra, N. 
 Y. During some of my visits at the Smiths, I saw a STRANGER there 
 WHO THEY SAID WAS MR. RiGDON. He was at Smith's several times, 
 and it was in the year of 1827 when I first saw him there, as near as 
 I can recollect. Some time alter that tales were circulated that young 
 
Sidney Rigdon Hanging Around Smith? s. 231 
 
 Joe had found or dug from the earth a BOOK OF PLATES which the 
 Smiths called the GOLDEN BIBLE. I don't think Smith had any such 
 plates. He was mysterious in his actions. The PEEPSTONE, in which he 
 was accustomed to look, he got of my elder brother Willard while at 
 work for us digging a well. It was a singular looking stone and young 
 Joe pretended he could discover hidden things in it. 
 
 My brother Willard Chase died at Palmyra, N. Y., March 10, 1871. 
 His affidavit, published in Howe's " History of Mormonism," is genu- 
 ine. Peter Ingersoll, whose affidavit was published in the same book, 
 is also dead. He moved West years ago and died about two years 
 ago. Ingersoll had the reputation of being a man of his word, and I 
 haye no doubt his sworn statement regarding the Smiths and the Mor- 
 mon Bible is genuine. I was also well, acquainted with Thomas P. 
 Baldwin, a lawyer and Notary Public, and Frederick Smith, a lawyer 
 and magistrate, before whom Chase's and Ingersoll's depositions were 
 made, and who were residents of this village at the time and for sev- 
 eral years after. 
 
 ABEL D. CHASE. 
 
 Abel D. Chase signed the above statement in our presence, and he 
 is known to us and the entire community here as a man whose word is 
 always the exact truth and above any possible suspicion. 
 
 PLINY T. SEXTON, 
 J. H. GILBERT. * 
 
 The statement of Abel D. Chase is corroborated by 
 a letter from Mr. J. H. Gilbert, addressed to my friend 
 Cobb, dated Palmyra, October 14, 1879. Mr. Gilbert 
 says : 
 
 " Last evening T had about 15 minutes conversation with Mr. Lo- 
 renzo Saunders of Reading, Hillsdale Co., Mich. He has been gone 
 about thirty years. He was born south of our village in l8ll,and was 
 a near neighbor of the Smith family knew them all well ; was in the 
 habit of visiting the Smith boys; says he knows that RIGDON was hang- 
 ing around Smith's for EIGHTEEN MONTHS PRIOR TO THE PUBLISHING 
 OF THE MORMON BIBLE." 
 
 PURLEY CHASE, another brother of Willard, states : 
 
 " The Smith family were lazy, intemperate and worthless men, 
 very much addicted to lying. IN THIS THEY FREQUENTLY BOASTED 
 THEIR SKILL." 
 
 DAVID STAFFORD : 
 
 " Old Joseph Smith was a drunkard and a liar and much in the 
 
 * Mr. Sexton was at the time of this affidavit the village President 
 of Palmyra and President of the first National bank there. Mr. Gil- 
 bert is the same who printed the first edition of the Book of Mormon. 
 
232 Mormon Portraits. /. Sidelights. 
 
 habit of gambling. He and his boys were truly a lazy set of fellows 
 and more particularly Joseph, who very aptly followed his father's 
 example and in some respects was worse. When intoxicated he was 
 very quarrelsome. The general employment of the Smith family was 
 money-digging and FORTUNE-TELLING. They kept around them, con- 
 stantly, a gang of worthless fellows who dug for money nights and 
 were idle in the daytime. It was a mystery to their neighbors how they 
 got their living." 
 
 BARTON STAFFORD : 
 
 " Old Joseph Smith was a noted drunkard and most of the family 
 followed his example, especially young Joseph, who was very much 
 addicted to intemperance. No one of the family had the least claim 
 to respectability. One day, while at work in my father's field, Joseph 
 got quite drunk and fell to scuffling with one of the workmen who 
 tore his shirt nearly off from him. His wife threw her shawl over 
 his shoulders and escorted the prophet home." 
 
 ROSWELL NICHOLS : 
 
 " For breach of contracts, for the non-payment of debts and bor- 
 rowed money, and for duplicity with their neighbors, the Smith fam- 
 ily were NOTORIOUS." 
 
 JOSHUA STAFFORD : 
 
 " Joseph Jr., once showed me a piece of wood which he said he 
 took from a box of money, and the reason he gave for not obtaining 
 the box, was, that it moved. At another time Joseph called on me to 
 become security for a horse, and said he would reward me handsomely, 
 for he had found a box of watches, and they were as large as his fist, 
 and he put one of them to his ear and he could hear it 'tick forty 
 rods.' He said if he did not return with the horse I might take his 
 life. He was nearly intoxicated at the time of this conversation." 
 
 JOSEPH CAPRON : 
 
 "Joseph, and indeed the whole family of Smiths, were notorious for 
 indolence, foolery and falsehood. Their great object appeared to be to 
 live without work. While they were digging for money they were 
 daily harassed by the demands of creditors, which they were never 
 able to pay. At length, Joseph pretended to find the gold plates. 
 This scheme, he believed, would relieve the family from all pecuniary 
 embarrassment. His father told me that when the book was pub- 
 lished they would be enabled, from the profits of the work, to carry 
 into successful operation the money -digging business. He gave me no 
 intimation, at that time, that the book was to be of a religious charac- 
 ter, or that it had anything to do with revelation. He declared it to 
 be a speculation, and said he : * When it is completed, my family will 
 be placed ON A LEVEL ABOVE THE GENERALITY OF MANKIND.' " 
 
Testimony of Sixty -two Decent Folks. 233 
 
 G. W. STODDARD : 
 
 " I have been acquainted with MARTIN HARRIS about thirty years. 
 As a farmer he was industrious and enterprising ; he possessed eight 
 or ten thousand dollars, but his moral and religious character was such 
 as not to entitle him to respect among his neighbors. He was fretful, 
 peevish and quarrelsome, frequently abused his wife by whipping her, 
 kicking her out of bed, turning her out of doors, etc. He was first 
 an orthodox Quaker, then a Universalist, next a Restorationer, then a 
 Baptist, next a Presbyterian, and then a Mormon. The Smith family 
 never made any pretensions to respectability." 
 
 TESTIMONY OF FIFTY-ONE LEADING CITIZENS OF PALMYRA, DE- 
 CEMBER 4, 1833 : 
 
 " We the undersigned, have been acquainted with the Smith fam- 
 ily for a number of years while they resided near this place, and we 
 have no hesitation in saying that we consider them DESTITUTE OF 
 THAT MORAL CHARACTER which ought to entitle them to the con- 
 fidence of any community. They were particularly famous for visionary 
 projects; spent much time in digging for money. Joseph Smith, Sen- 
 ior, and his son JOSEPH were, in particular, considered entirely destitute 
 <?/ moral character and addicted to vicious habits. In reference to all 
 with whom we were acquainted that have embraced Mormonism, from 
 this neighborhood, we are compelled to say were most of them desti- 
 titute of moral character. " 
 
 TESTIMONY OF ELEVEN LEADING CITIZENS OF MANCHESTER, Nov. 3, 
 1833:- 
 
 " We, the undersigned, being PERSONALLY acquainted with the family 
 of Joseph Smith, Sen., state: That they were not only a lazy, indo- 
 lent set of men, but also intemperate ; and their word was not to be 
 depended upon, and that we are TRULY GLAD to dispense with their 
 society." 
 
 ISAAC HALE, FATHER-IN-LAW OF JOSEPH SMITH : 
 
 " I first became acquainted with young Smith in November, 1825. 
 He was at that time in the employ of a set of men who were called 
 ' MONEY DIGGERS ; ' and his occupation was that of SEEING or pre - 
 tending to see by means of a STONE placed in his HAT and his hat 
 closed over his face. His appearance at this time was that of a care- 
 less young man, very saucy and insolent to his father. Smith and his 
 father, with several other 'money-diggers,' boarded at my house while 
 they were employed digging for a mine that they supposed had been 
 opened and worked by the SPANIARDS, many years since. Young 
 Smith gave the diggers great encouragement at first, but when they had 
 arrived in digging to near the place where HE HAD STATED an IMMENSE 
 TREASURE would be found, he said the ENCHANTMENT was so power- 
 ful that he could not see. Then they became discouraged and soon 
 after dispersed. 
 
234 Mormon Portraits. I. Sidelights. 
 
 " Young Smith at length asked my consent to his marrying my 
 daughter EMMA. This I refused, because he was a stranger and fol- 
 lowed a business that I could not approve. Not long after this they 
 were married without my consent. They came subsequently to the 
 conclusion that they would reside upon a place near my residence. 
 Smith stated to me that he had given up what he called ' GLASS-LOOK- 
 ING,' and that he expected to work hard for a living. I was informed 
 that they (Joseph and Emma) had brought a wonderful Boo*K OF 
 PLATES with them. The manner in which he pretended to read and 
 interpret the plates was the same as when he looked for the money- 
 diggers, WITH THE STONE IN HIS HAT AND HIS HAT OVER HIS FACE, 
 
 while the Book of Plates was at the same time hid in the woods! I 
 conscientiously believe, from the facts detailed and from many other 
 circumstances, that the whole " Book of Mormon" is a SILLY FABRICA- 
 TION OF FALSEHOOD and wickedness, got up for SPECULATION, in order 
 that its fabricators may live upon the SPOILS of those who swallow the 
 deception." 
 
 HEZEKIAH McKuNE: 
 
 " Joseph Smith said he was NEARLY EQUAL WITH JESUS CHRIST ; 
 that he was a prophet sent by God to bring in the Jews and that he 
 was the GREATEST PROPHET that had ever arisen." 
 
 ALVA HALE, son of Isaac Hale : 
 
 "Smith told me that this 'PEEPING' (in the stone) w r as all 
 DAMNED NONSENSE, that he intended to quit the business (of peeping) 
 and labor for his livelihood." 
 
 LEVI LEWIS : * 
 
 " I heard Joseph Smith and Martin Harris both say that ADUL- 
 TERY WAS NO CRiME.f I saw him three times INTOXICATED while he 
 was composing the Book of Mormon and heard him use language of 
 the GREATEST PROFANITY. He said, also, that he was AS GOOD AS 
 JESUS CHRIST, that it was as bad to injure him as to injure Jesus 
 Christ. With regard to the plates, he said GOD HAD DECEIVED HIM, 
 which was the reason he did not show them." 
 
 * Clergyman, and uncle of Joseph's wife Emma . Joseph and Hiel 
 Lewis were his sons. See their joint affidavit, pages 78 81. 
 
 f Anyone, except a Mormon leader, sees here the first glimpse of 
 ' Celestial Marriage ' and the rest. 
 
A Jury Rejects Joe' s Testimony. 235 
 
 II. 
 
 THE GOLD BIBLE COMPANY. 
 
 STATEMENT OF HENRY HARRIS : 
 
 I became acquainted with the family of Joseph 
 Smith, Sen., about the year 1820, in the town of Man- 
 chester, New York. They were a family that labored 
 very little the chief they did was to dig for money. 
 Joseph Smith, Jr., used to pretend to TELL FORTUNES ; he 
 had a stone which he used to put in his hat, by means of 
 which he proposed to tell people's fortunes. 
 
 Joseph Smith, Jr., Martin Harris and others used to 
 meet together in private, a while before the gold plates 
 were found, and were familiarly known by the name of 
 ' THE GOLD BIBLE COMPANY.' They were regarded by the 
 community in which they lived as a lying and indolent 
 set of men, and no confidence could be placed in them. 
 
 The character of Joseph Smith, Jr., for truth and 
 veracity was such that I would NOT BELIEVE HIM UNDER 
 OATH. I was once on a jury before a justice's court, and 
 
 THE JURY COULD NOT AND DID NOT BELIEVE HIS TESTI- 
 MONY to be true. After he pretended to have found the 
 gold plates I had a conversation with him and asked him 
 where he found them and how he came to know where 
 they were. He said he had a revelation from God that 
 they were hid in a certain hill, and he looked in his stone 
 and saw them in the place of deposit ; that an angel ap- 
 peared and told him he could not get the plates until he 
 was married. I asked him what letters were engraved on 
 them : he said ITALIC LETTERS WRITTEN IN AN UNKNOWN 
 LANGUAGE and that he had copied some of the words and 
 sent them to Dr. Mitchell and Professor Anthon, of New 
 York. By looking on the plates he said he could not 
 understand the words, but it was made known to him 
 that he was the person that must translate them, and on 
 looking through the stone was enabled to translate. 
 
236 Mormon Portraits. /. Sidelights. 
 
 After the book was published I frequently bantered 
 him for a copy. He asked fourteen shillings a piece for 
 them ; I told him I would not give so much ; he told me 
 he had had a REVELATION that they must be sold at that 
 price. Some time afterwards I talked with Martin Harris 
 about buying one of the books, and he told me they had 
 had a NEW REVELATION that they might be sold at ten 
 shillings a piece. 
 
 STATEMENT OF ABIGAIL HARRIS : 
 
 PALMYRA, N. Y., Nov. 28, 1833. 
 
 In the early part of the winter in 1828 I made a 
 visit to Martin Harris's, and was joined in company by 
 Joseph Smith, Sen., and his wife. The Gold Bible busi- 
 ness, so called, was the topic of conversation, to which I 
 paid particular attention that I might learn the truth of 
 the whole matter. They told me that the report that 
 young Joseph had found golden plates was true, and that 
 he was in Harmony, Pennsylvania, translating them ; 
 that such plates were in existence, and that young Joseph 
 was to obtain them, was revealed to him by the SPIRIT 
 of one of the saints who was on this continent previous 
 to its discovery by Columbus. Old Mrs. Smith observed 
 that she thought he must be a QUAKER, AS HE WAS 
 DRESSED VERY PLAIN. They said that the plates he then 
 had in his possession were but an introduction to the Gold 
 Bible that all of them upon which the Bible was written 
 were so heavy that it would TAKE FOUR STOUT MEN to load 
 them into a cart that Joseph had also discovered by 
 looking through his stone the VESSEL in which the gold 
 was melted from which the plates were made, and also the 
 MACHINE with which they were rolled ; he also discovered 
 in the bottom of the vessel THREE BALLS OF GOLD, each as 
 large as his FIST. The old lady said also that after the 
 book was translated the plates were to be PUBLICLY EXHIB- 
 ITED admittance twenty-five cents. She calculated it 
 would bring in annually an enormous sum of money 
 that money would then be very plenty and the book 
 would also sell for a great price, as it was something en- 
 tirely new that they had been commanded to obtain all 
 
Martin Wants to Make Money. 237 
 
 the money they could borrow for present necessity, and 
 to repay with GOLD. The remainder was to be kept 
 in store for their family and children. [Here follows the 
 little anecdote related on p. 18]. 
 
 In the second month following, Martin Harris and his 
 wife were at my house. In conversation about Mormon- 
 ites, she observed that she wished her husband would quit 
 them, as she believed it was all false and a delusion. To 
 which I heard Martin Harris reply: " What if it is a LIE? 
 If you will let me alone, I WILL MAKE MONEY OUT OF IT ! " 
 I was both an eye and an ear witness of what has been 
 stated above. 
 
 STATEMENT OF LUCY HARRIS : 
 
 PALMYRA, Nov. 29, 1833. 
 
 Being called upon to give a statement to the world of 
 what I know respecting the Gold Bible speculation and 
 also of the conduct of Martin Harris, my husband, who is 
 a leading character among the Mormons, I do it free 
 from prejudice, realizing tnat I must give an account at 
 the bar of God for what I say. Martin Harris was once 
 industrious, attentive to his domestic concerns, and thought 
 to be worth about $10,000. He is naturally quick in his 
 temper and at times while I lived with him he has whipped, 
 kicked and turned me out of the house. About a year 
 previous to the report being raised that Smith had found 
 gold plates, he became very intimate with the Smith fami- 
 ly and said he believed Joseph could see in his stone any- 
 thing he wished. After this he apparently became very 
 sanguine in his belief. 
 
 Whether the Mormon religion be true or false, I leave 
 the world to judge, for its effects upon Martin Harris have 
 been to make him more cross, turbulent and abusive to me. 
 
 HlS WHOLE OBJECT WAS TO MAKE MONEY BY IT. I will give 
 
 one circumstance in proof of it. One day while at Peter 
 Harris' house, I told him he had better leave the company 
 of the Smiths, as their religion was false ; to which he 
 replied, "If you would let me alone, I could make money 
 by it." It is in vain for the Mormons to deny these facts, 
 for they are all well known to most of his former neigh- 
 
238 Mormon Portraits. /. Sidelights. 
 
 bors. The man has now rather become an object of pity ; 
 he has spent most of his property. He now spends his 
 time in traveling through the country spreading the delu- 
 sion of Mormonism and has no regard whatever for his 
 family. 
 
 III. 
 
 SPAULDING'S "MANUSCRIPT FOUND.' 1 
 
 STATEMENT OF JOHN SPAULDING : 
 
 Solomon Spaulding [my brother] was born in Ashford, 
 Conn., in 1761, and in early life contracted a taste for 
 literary pursuits. He entered Dartmouth College, where 
 he obtained the degree of A. M. and was afterwards regu- 
 larly ordained. After preaching three or four years, he 
 commenced the mercantile business. In a few years he 
 failed in business and in 1809 removed to Conneaut, Ohio. 
 The year following I found him engaged in building a 
 forge. I made him a visit in about three years after and 
 found that he had failed and was considerably involved in 
 debt. He then told me he had been writing a book, 
 which he intended to have printed, the avails of which he 
 thought would enable him to pay all his debts. The book 
 was entitled the "Manuscript Found''' of which he read 
 to me many pages. It was an historical romance of the 
 first settlers of America, endeavoring to show that the 
 American Indians are the descendants of the Jews or the 
 lost tribes. It gave a detailed account of their journey 
 from Jerusalem, by land and sea, till they arrived in 
 America, under the command of Nephi and Lehi. They 
 afterwards had quarrels and contentions and separated 
 into two distinct nations, one of which he denominated 
 Nephites and the other Lamanites. Cruel and bloody wars 
 ensued, in which great multitudes were slain. They bur- 
 ied their dead in large heaps, which caused the mounds so 
 common in this country. Their arts, sciences and civili- 
 
They All Recognize the Cranky Book. 239 
 
 zation were brought into view in order to account for all 
 the antiquities found in various parts of North and South 
 America. I have recently read the Book of Mormon and 
 to my great surprise I find nearly the same historical mat- 
 ter, names, etc., as they were in my brother's writings. I 
 well remember that he wrote in the old style, and com- 
 menced about every sentence with " AND IT CAME TO PASS," 
 or -''Now it came to pass," the same as in the Book of 
 Mormon, and according to the best of my recollection and 
 belief // is the same as my brother wrote, with the exception 
 of the religious matter. 
 
 STATEMENT OF HENRY LAKE : 
 
 CONNEAUT, OHIO, September, 1833. 
 I left the State of New York late in the year 1810, and 
 arrived at this place about the first of January following. 
 Soon after my arrival I formed a co-partnership with Sol- 
 omon Spaulding for the purpose of rebuilding a forge. 
 He very frequently read to me from a manuscript which 
 he was writing, which he entitled the ' ' Manuscript Found, ' 
 and which he represented as being found in this town. I 
 spent many hours in hearing him read said writings and 
 became well acquainted with its contents. He wished me 
 to assist him in getting his production printed, alleging 
 that a book of that kind would meet wy:h a rapid sale. 
 This book represented the American Indians as the des- 
 cendants of the lost tribes, gave an account of their 
 leaving Jerusalem, their contentions and wars. One time, 
 when he was reading to me the tragic account of Laban, 
 I pointed out to him what I considered an inconsistency, 
 which he promised to correct ; but by referring to the 
 Book of Mormon, I find, to my surprise, that it stands 
 there just as he read it to me then. Some months ago I 
 borrowed the Golden Bible, put it into my pocket, car- 
 ried it home and thought no more of it. About a week 
 after, my wife found the book in my coat pocket and 
 commenced reading it aloud as I lay upon the bed. She 
 had not read twenty minutes till I was astonished to find 
 the same passages in it that Spaulding had read to me 
 more than twenty years before, from his " Manuscript 
 
240 Mormon Portraits. /. Sidelights. 
 
 Found." Since that I have more fully examined the said 
 Golden Bible and have no hesitation in saying that the 
 historical part of it is principally, if not wholly, taken 
 from the " Manuscript Found." ' I recollect telling Mr. 
 Spaulding that the so frequent use of the words, " And it 
 came to pass," " Now it came to pass" rendered it ridic- 
 ulous. 
 
 STATEMENT OF JOHN N. MILLER : 
 
 SPRINGFIELD, Pa., Sept., 1833. 
 
 In the year 1811 I was in the employ of Henry Lake 
 and Sol. Spaulding, at Conneaut, engaged in rebuilding a 
 forge. While there I boarded and lodged in the family 
 of said Spaulding for several months. I was soon intro- 
 duced to the manuscripts of Spaulding and perused them 
 as often as I had leisure. From the " Manuscript Found " 
 he would frequently read some humorous passages to the 
 company present. It purported to be the history of the 
 first settlement of America, before discovered by Colum- 
 bus. He said that he designed it as an historical novel, 
 and that in after years it would be believed by many peo- 
 ple as much as the history of England. 
 
 I have recently examined the Book of Mormon and 
 find in it the writings of Solomon Spaulding, from begin- 
 ning to end, but mixed up with Scripture and other relig- 
 ious matter, whfch I did not meet with in the " Manuscript 
 Found." Many of the passages in the Mormon book are 
 verbatim from Spaulding, and others in part. The names 
 of Nephi, Lehi, Moroni, and in fact all the principal 
 names are brought fresh to my recollection by the Gold 
 Bible. 
 
 STATEMENT OF AARON WRIGHT : * 
 
 Spaulding showed me and read to me a history he was 
 writing, of the lost tribes of Israel, purporting that they 
 
 *A Mr. Jackson, who was in a meeting at Conneaut when a 
 Mormon preacher read from the Book of Mormon, says that " Squire " 
 Wright shouted out : " OLD-COME-TO-PASS HAS COME TO LIFE 
 AGAIN!" "And it came to pass," occurs in the book only about 
 fourteen hundred times. 
 
Rigdon the Originator of the Fraud. 241 
 
 were the first settlers of America and that the Indians 
 were their descendants. The historical part of the Book 
 of Mormon I know to be the same as I read and heard 
 read from the writings of Spaulding more than twenty 
 years ago. The names, more especially, are the same, 
 without any alteration. I once anticipated reading his 
 writings in print, but little expected to see them in a new 
 Bible. 
 
 STATEMENT OF OLIVER SMITH : 
 
 All his [Spaulding' s] leisure hours were occupied in 
 writing a historical novel, founded upon the first settlers 
 of this country ; he would give a satisfactory account of 
 all the old mounds, so common to this country. Nephi 
 and Lehi were by him represented as leading characters. 
 But no religious matter was introduced. When I heard 
 the historical part of the Book of Mormon related I at 
 once said it was the writings of old Solomon Spaulding. 
 
 IV. 
 
 
 RIGDON AND SPAULDING'S MANUSCRIPT. 
 
 Rev. John Winter, who was intimate with Rigdon, 
 states : 
 
 " In 1822 or 1823 Rigdon took out of his desk in his study a large 
 manuscript, stating that it was a Bible romance written by a Presbyte- 
 rian preacher whose health had failed and who had taken it to the 
 printers to see if it would pay to publish it." 
 
 James Jeffries testified Jan. 20, i884 : 
 
 " Forty years ago I was in business in St. Louis. The Mormons 
 then had their temple in Nauvoo. I had business transactions with 
 them. I knew Sidney Rigdon. He told me several times that there 
 was in the printing office with which he was connected, in Ohio, a 
 manuscript of the Rev. Spaulding, tracing the origin of the Indians 
 from the lost tribes of Israel. This MS. was in the office several years. 
 He was familiar with it. Spaulding wanted it published, but had not 
 the means to pay for the printing. He [Rigdon] and Joe Smith used 
 
242 Mormon Portraits. 7. Sidelights. 
 
 to look over the MS. and read it on Sundays. Rigdon said Smith took 
 the MS. and said, ' I'll print it,' and went off to Palmyra, New York." 
 
 Adamson Bentley, Rigdon's brother-in-law, states: 
 
 " I know that Sidney Rigdon told me as much as two years before 
 the Mormon Book made its appearance, or had been heard of by me, 
 that there was a book coming out, the manuscript of which was 
 engraved on GOLD PLATES." 
 
 Statement of Thomas J. Clapp, son-in-law of Adamson 
 Bentley : 
 
 " Elder Adamson Bentley told me that as he was one day riding 
 with Sidney Rigdon * and conversing upon the Bible, Mr. Rigdon told 
 him that another book of equal authority -with the bible, as well au- 
 thenticated and as ancient, which \vould give an account of the history 
 of the Indian tribes on this continent, with many other things of great 
 importance to the world, would soon be published. This was before 
 Mormonism was ever heard of in Ohio, and when it appeared, the 
 avidity with which Rigdon received it convinced him that if Rigdon 
 was not the author of it he was at least acquainted with the whole 
 matter some time before it was published to the world." [Letter from 
 Mr. Clapp, dated Mentor, Ohio, April 9, 1879.] 
 
 Alexander Campbell was present at the conversation 
 between Bentley and Rigdon, and says about it : 
 
 " Rigdow, at the same time, observed that on the plates dug up in 
 New York there was an account not only of the aborigines of this con- 
 tinent, but it was stated also that the Christian religion had been 
 preached on this continent, during the first century, just as we were 
 then preaching it on the Western Reserve." 
 
 Darwin Atwater, of Mantua, Ohio, testifies : 
 
 " That Rigdon knew beforehand of the coming of the Book of Mor- 
 mon is to me certain from what he said during the first of his visits to 
 my father, in 1826. He gave a wonderful description of the mounds 
 and other antiquities found in some parts of America and said that they 
 must have been made by the aborigines. He said there was a BOOK to 
 be published containing an account of these things." 
 
 Zebulon Rudolph, Mrs. Garfield's father, states: 
 
 " During the winter previous to the appearance of the Book of 
 Mormon, Rigdon was in the habit of spending weeks away from home, 
 going no one knew whither. He often appeared preoccupied and 
 
 * Rigdon married a niece and adopted daughter of Bentley, living 
 with and upon B. for quite a length of time. 
 
Rigdon Steals Spaulding s Manuscript. 243 
 
 would indulge in dreamy visionary talks, which puzzled those who list- 
 ened. When the Book of Mormon appeared and Rigdon joined in the 
 advocacy of the new religion, the suspicion was at once aroused that 
 he was one of the framers of the new doctrine." 
 
 Mrs. A. Dunlap, of Warren, Ohio, a niece of Sidney 
 Rigdon, visited her uncle, at Bainbridge, in 1826. She 
 says: 
 
 " My uncle went into his bedroom and took from a trunk which 
 he kept carefully locked, a manuscript and came back, seated himself 
 by the fire and began to read. His wife came into the room and ex- 
 claimed : ' What, are you studying that thing again ? I mean to bum 
 that paper.' Rigdon replied : ' No, indeed you will not. THIS WILL 
 BE A GREAT THING SOME DAY.' When he was reading this MS. he 
 was so completely occupied that he seemed entirely unconscious of 
 anything around him." 
 
 Rigdon was on terms of intimate association with one 
 J. Harrison Lambdin, printer, Patterson's partner and 
 active business manager, as well as with Silas Engles, the 
 long-time foreman of Patterson's printing establishment 
 in Pittsburg. This comes from Mrs. R. J. Eichbaum, 
 who with her husband and father had the Pittsburg 
 postoffice for over thirty years. Spaulding, while living in 
 Pittsburg, had prepared a copy of his "Manuscript 
 Found," for the printer, which he strongly suspected 
 Rigdon of having appropriated. Mrs. Eichbaum has 
 often heard foreman Engles say that Rigdon was forever 
 hanging round the printing office. Lambdin died in 
 1825 and Engles in 1827. " Dead men tell no tales." 
 
 V. 
 
 THE ARMY OF ZION. 
 
 In obedience to direct revelation, Joseph had located 
 Zion in Jackson County, Missouri. August 3, 1831, he 
 located the Temple of Zion, three hundred yards west of 
 the Court House, in Independence, Missouri. But the 
 " House of Israel " did not behave in Missouri in a pop- 
 
244 Mormon Portraits. 7. Sidelights. 
 
 ular and acceptable way. The Mormons had to leave the 
 new Zion, and October 30, 1833, there had even been a 
 fight between the Mormons and "mine enemies." The 
 Mormons killed two Missourians and shed the first blood 
 in the war. 
 
 The Commander-in-chief of the armies of Israel 
 could not remain a quiet, remote observer of so much 
 wrong. Zion had to be redeemed. The ." Lord " says 
 through his mouthpiece : 
 
 " Therefore get ye straightway unto MY LA.ND ; break down the 
 walls of mine enemies; throw down their tower and scatter their 
 watchmen ; and inasmuch as they gather together against you, AVENGE 
 ME OF MINE ENEMIES, that by and by I may come with the residue of 
 my house and POSSESS THE LAND." 
 
 The preparations for "mine" war consisted mainly 
 in gathering all the cash Joe could lay his hands on : 
 "Let all the churches gather together all their monies." 
 The expedition to Missouri will live in history as a paral- 
 lel to the immortal enterprise of the ingenious " Hidalgo 
 de La Mancha." Joe started on his fool's crusade early 
 in 1834. One of his "sharp-shooters" may give us the 
 history of the expedition : 
 
 " Old muskets, rifles, piStols, rusty swords and butcher 
 knives were soon put in a state of repair, and scoured up. 
 Some were borrowed, and some were bought, on a credit, 
 if possible, and others were manufactured by their own 
 mechanics. The first of May following being finally 
 fixed upon as the time of setting out on the crusade, 
 'my warriors,' which were scattered in most of the 
 eastern and northern states previous to that time, began 
 to assemble at 'the quarters ot the prophet in Kirtland 
 preparatory to marching. Several places further west 
 were also selected for rendezvous to those living in that 
 direction. All the faithful pressed forward ; but the 
 services of some were refused by the prophet, in conse- 
 quence of their not being able, from their own resources, 
 to furnish some instrument of death, and FIVE DOLLARS IN 
 
 CASH. 
 
 "On the second day of their march they arrived at 
 New Portage, about forty miles distant, where about one 
 
General Joe Pockets the Cash. 245 
 
 hundred more fell into their ranks. Here the whole were 
 organized in bands of fourteen men, each band having a 
 captain, baggage wagon, tents, etc. Just before leaving 
 this place, -Smith proposed to his army that they should 
 appoint a TREASURER to take possession of the funds of 
 each individual, for the purpose of paying it out as he 
 should think their necessities required. The measure was 
 carried without a dissenting voice. The prophet was nom- 
 inated and voted in as treasurer, no one, of course, doubt- 
 ing his right. After pocketing the cash of his dupes, the 
 line of march was resumed, and a white flag was raised, 
 bearing upon it the inscription of "PEACE," written in 
 red. 
 
 ' ' Somewhere on their route a large black snake was 
 discovered near the road, over five feet in length. This 
 offered a fair opportunity for some of the company to try 
 their skill at miracles, and MARTIN HARRIS took off his 
 shoes and stockings, to ' take up serpents ' without being 
 harmed. He presented his toes to the head of the snake, 
 which made no attempt to bite, upon which Martin pro- 
 claimed a victory over serpents; but passing on a few rods 
 further another of much larger dimensions was discovered, 
 and on presenting his bare foot to this one also, he received 
 a -bite in the ankle which drew blood. This was imputed 
 to his want of faith, and produced much merriment in the 
 company. 
 
 " A large mound was one day discovered, upon which 
 General Smith ordered an excavation" to be made into it, 
 and about one foot from the top of the ground the bones 
 of a human skeleton were found, which were carefully laid 
 out upon a board, when Smith made a speech, prophecy- 
 ing or declaring that they were the remains of a celebrated 
 general among the NEPHITES, mentioning his name and 
 the battle in which he was slain, some fifteen hundred 
 years ago. This was undoubtedly done to encourage the 
 troops to deeds of daring, when they should meet the Mis- 
 sourians in battle array." 
 
 Joe relates this most wonderful event in his usual sim- 
 ple and truthful way. The relation is in his journal of 
 June, 1834, when he and his army are at the Illinois river: 
 
246 Mormon Portraits. 7. Sidelights. 
 
 " The contemplation of the scenery," writes Joseph, "produced 
 peculiar sensations in our bosoms. The brethren procured a shovel 
 and a hoe, and removing the earth of one of the mounds, to the depth 
 of about a foot, discovered the skeleton of a man almost entire, and 
 between his ribs was a LAMANITISH ARROW, which evidently procured " 
 his death. Elder Brigham Young retained the arrow. . . . And the 
 visions of the past being opened to my understanding, by the Spirit of 
 the Almighty, I DISCOVERED that the' person, whose skeleton was before 
 us, was a WHITE Lamanite, a large thick-set man, and a man of God. 
 [John D. Lee was not very large, though thick-set and a man of God.] 
 He was a warrior and chieftain under the great prophet Omandagus, 
 who was known from the hill Cumorah, or Eastern Sea, to the Rocky 
 Mountains. His name was ZELPH. The curse was taken from him, 
 or, at least, in part. One of his thigh bones was broken by a stone 
 flung from a sling while in battle years before his death. He was 
 killed in battle by the arrow found in his ribs, during the last great 
 struggle of the Lamanites and Nephrites." * 
 
 But let our sharp-shooter go on with his tale : 
 
 "On arriving at Salt Creek, Illinois, they were joined by 
 Lymari Wight and Hyrum Smith with a reinforcement of 
 twenty men, which they had picked up on the way. Here 
 the grand army, being fully completed, encamped for the 
 space of three days. The whole number was now estimat- 
 ed at two hundred and twenty, rank and file. During 
 their stay here the troops were kept under a constant drill 
 of manual exercise with guns and swords, and their arms 
 put in a state of repair. The prophet became very expert 
 with a sword and felt himself equal to his prototype, Cori- 
 antumr." 
 
 If there is any better historic parallel to Don Quixote, 
 I wish I could see it, but I think there is none half so 
 good. 
 
 "Joseph had the best sword in the army, an elegant 
 brace of pistols, which were purchased on a credit of six 
 months, a rifle, and four horses. Wight was appointed 
 second in command, or fighting general, who, together 
 with the prophet, had an ARMOR-BEARER appointed, 
 selected from among the most expert tacticians, whose 
 duty it was to be in constant attendance upon their 
 masters with their arms." 
 
 * Which came off (I must remind thee, Joseph) not in Illinois, but 
 around the sacred hill " Cumorah," way back in New York. 
 
The General in the Baggage Wagons. 247 
 
 Joe's armor-bearer was Geo. A. Smith, then a bud of 
 a beastly fanatic, destined to become the Thackeray of 
 Mormonism and Brigham's destroying angel in 1857. 
 
 " The generals then appointed a new captain to each 
 band, organized two companies of rangers, or sharp- 
 shooters, to act as scouts or flankers when the-)fc should 
 arrive upon the field of carnage. After this they dubbed 
 themselves the "ARMY OF ZION," and Hyrum Smith was 
 chosen to carry the flag, which he kept unfurled during 
 the remainder of the march. 
 
 " The march of the grand army was then resumed for 
 two or three days, when it was agreed to spend half a day 
 in a sham fight. For this purpose four divisions were 
 formed and took position and went to work, agreeably to 
 the most approved forms of Bonaparte, Black Hawk, 
 Coriantumr or Shiz. After coming to close quarters, 
 however, all discipline was lost sight of and each one 
 adopted a mode agreeable to his taste. Some preferred 
 the real British push with the bayonet, some the old 
 Kentucky dodging from tree to tree, while others preferred 
 the Lamanite mode of tomahawking, scalping, and rip- 
 ping open the bowels. The final result was that several 
 guns and swords were broken, some of the combatants 
 wounded, and each one well pleased with his own ex- 
 ploits. 
 
 "After 1 crossing the Mississippi, spies on horseback 
 were kept constantly on the lookout, several miles in front 
 and rear. The prophet went IN DISGUISE, changing his 
 dress frequently, riding on the different baggage wagons, 
 and, to all appearance, expecting every moment to be his 
 last. Near the close of one day they approached a 
 prairie, which was thirty miles in extent, without inhabi- 
 tants. Here an altercation took place between the two 
 generals, which almost amounted to a mutiny. The 
 prophet declared it was not safe to stay there over night, 
 as the enemy would probably be upon them. General 
 Wight totally refused to enter the prairie, as they would 
 not be able to find water, or to build a fire to cook their 
 provisions, besides the great fatigue it would cause the 
 troops. Smith said he would show them how to eat raw 
 
248 Mormon Portraits. /. Sidelights. 
 
 pork. Hyrum said he knew, by the Spirit, that it was 
 dangerous to stay there. The prophet finally exclaimed : 
 ' Thus saith the Lord God, march on ! ' This settled the 
 matter, and they all moved on about fifteen miles, and 
 thinking themselves out of danger, they encamped beside 
 a muddy pool. Here the controversy was again renewed 
 between the two generals. Smith said ' he knew exactly 
 when to pray, when to sing, when to talk, and when to 
 laugh, by the spirit of God', that God never commanded 
 anyone to pray for his enemies.' The whole camp seemed 
 much dissatisfied and came nigh breaking out into open 
 mutiny." 
 
 What a pity that Offenbach is dead ! Was there ever 
 a better libretto just made for his ever-ready, bubbling 
 melodies ! Would he not have been happy to swap his 
 " General Bum" for the three generals, Joe, Hyrum and 
 Wight ? 
 
 "The prophet had, besides his other weapons, a large 
 bull-dog, which was exceedingly cross during the nights 
 and frequently attempted to bite persons stirring about. 
 One of the captains, a high priest, one evening declared to 
 the prophet that he would shoot the dog, if he ever at- 
 tempted to bite him. Smith replied, ' that if he contin- 
 ued in the same spirit, and did not repent, the dog would 
 yet eat the flesh off his bones, and he would not have the 
 power to resist.' This was the commencement of a con- 
 troversy between the prophet and his high priest, which 
 was not settled till some time after their return to Kirt- 
 land, when the former [Joseph] underwent a trial on 
 divers serious charges before his high priests, honorably 
 acquitted, and the latter made to acknowledge that he 
 had been possessed of SEVERAL DEVILS for many weeks. 
 The dog, however, a few nights after the controversy 
 commenced, was shot through the leg by a sentinel, near 
 the prophet's tent, and died instantly. 
 
 " When within twelve miles of Liberty, Clay County, 
 Missouri, the army of Zion was met by two gentlemen 
 who had been deputed by the citizens of another county 
 for the purpose of inquiring into the motive and pbject of 
 such a hostile and warlike appearance upon their borders. 
 
A Revelation in the Nick of Time. 249 
 
 These gentlemen openly warned the military band .and 
 their prophet to desist from their intended operations and 
 leave the settlement of their difficulties with the people 
 of Jackson County, in other hands ; advised them to be 
 very careful what they did and said, as the citizens not 
 only of Jackson but some of the adjaceu-t counties were 
 very much enraged and excited and were fully determined 
 to resist the first attempt upon them by an armed force 
 from other States. A FEW HOURS after this the prophet 
 brought out a REVELATION for the use of his troops, which 
 said, in substance, that they had been TRIED, even as 
 Abraham had been tried, and the offering was accepted 
 by the Lord ; and when Abraham received his reward 
 they would receive theirs. Upon this the war was de- 
 clared to be at an end. A call for volunteers, however, 
 was made, to take up their abode in Clay County, when 
 about one hundred and fifty turned out. The next day 
 they marched to Liberty and each man received an hon- 
 orable discharge under the signature of General Wight. 
 The army then scattered in different directions, some 
 making their way back from whence they came the best 
 way they could, begging their expenses from the inhabi- 
 tants. The prophet and his chief men, however, had 
 PLENTY OF MONEY and traveled as GENTLEMEN." 
 
 VI. 
 
 AFFIDAVITS OF FANNY BREWER AND OTHERS. 
 
 The following documents help to illustrate the charac- 
 ters of Joe, Hyrum and William Smith, Brigham Young, 
 and other leading Saints : 
 
 FANNY BREWER states (Boston, Sept. 13, 1842): 
 
 " In the spring of 1837 I left Boston for Kirtland to assemble with 
 the Saints and worship God more perfectly. On my arrival I found 
 brother going to law with brother, DRUNKENNESS prevailing to a great 
 extent and every species of wickedness. The prophet of God was 
 
250 Mormon Portraits. I. Sidelights. 
 
 under arrest for employing two of the elders to KILL a man of the 
 name of Grandison Newell, but was acquitted, as the most ifiaterial 
 witness did not appear ! I am personally acquainted with one of the 
 employees, Davis by name, and he frankly acknowleged to me that he 
 was prepared to do the deed under the direction of the prophet, and was 
 only prevented from so doing by the entreaties of his wife. There 
 was much excitement against the prophet on another account, an 
 unlawful intercourse between himself and a young orphan girl residing 
 in his family, and under his protection ! Martin Harris told me that 
 the prophet was most notorious for lying and licentiousness. In the 
 fall of 1837 the Smith family all left Kirtlarid ; the prophet left between 
 two days. I carried from this place (Boston) to Kirtland goods to the 
 amount of 1,400 dollars, as I was told I could make ready sales to the 
 Saints, but I was disappointed. I accordingly sent them to Missouri 
 to be sold by H. Redfield. There they were stored in a private room. 
 Smith, the prophet, hearing that they were there, took out a warrant, 
 under pretence of searching for stolen goods, and got them into his pos- 
 session. They were then, by a sham court, which he held, adjudged 
 to him and the boxes were opened. As the goods were taken out, 
 piece by piece, HYRUM SMITH, who stood by, said, in the most posi- 
 tive manner, that he could swear to every piece and tell where they 
 had been bought, although a Mr. Robbins, who was present, told them 
 that he knew the boxes and that the goods were mine, for I had 
 charged him to take care of them. Dr. Williams, likewise, told them 
 that they were my goods, and that Hyrum never saw a piece of them. 
 They, however, refused to give them up, but kept them for their own 
 profit." 
 
 G. B. FROST (Boston, Sept. 19, 1842) : 
 
 "In July, 1837, WILLIAM SMITH, brother of the prophet and one 
 of the Twelve Apostles, arrived at Kirtland from Chicago, drunk, with 
 his face pretty well bunged up ; he had black eyes and a bunged nose, 
 and told John Johnson that he had been MILKING THE GENTILES to 
 his satisfaction for that time.* In October William told Joseph that if 
 he did not give him some money, he would tell where the Book of 
 Mormon came from, and Joseph gave him what he wanted. 
 
 "About the last of August, 1837, Joseph Smith, Brigham Young 
 and others were DRUNK at Joseph Smith the prophet's house, all 
 together ; Bishop Vinson Knight supplied them with rum, brandy, gin 
 and port wiae from the (Mormon) cash store. Joseph told Knight in 
 my hearing not to sell any of those liquors, for he wanted them for his 
 own use. They were drunk and drinking for MORE THAN A WEEK. 
 
 "Joseph Smith said that the BANK was got up on his having a rev- 
 elation from God, and said it was to go into circulation to MILK THE 
 GENTILES. I asked Joseph about the money. He he said could not 
 
 * Most probably by circulating counterfeit money. 
 
"Sealing" a By -word on the Street. 251 
 
 redeem it ; he was paid for signing the bills, as any other man would 
 be paid for it and they must do the best they could about it. The 
 prophet and others went to Canada in September. Said he, Joseph, 
 he had as good a right to go out and get money as any of the brethren. 
 He took nine hundred dollars in Canada from a certain Lawrence and 
 promised him a farm in Kirtland ; but when he arrived there, Joseph 
 was among the missing, and no farm for him." 
 
 D. W. AND EDWARD KILBOURN : 
 
 " Joseph said once the world owed him a good living, and if he 
 could not get it without, he would STEAL it "and CATCH ME AT IT," 
 said he, " if you can." 
 
 VII. 
 
 POLYGAMY IN KIRTLAND. 
 
 In the article on marriage in the Book of Doctrine 
 and Covenants adopted by the conference in Kirtland 
 April, 1834, we read; '/Inasmuch as this Church of 
 Christ has been charged with fornication and polygamy." 
 We have already seen it stated that young Joseph declar- 
 ed that adultery was no sin. Martin Harris told J. M. 
 Atwater and Mr. Clapp and many others, that POLYGAMY 
 was TAUGHT AND PRACTICED by Smith in Kirtland under 
 the name of "spiritual wifery." W. W. Phelps stated 
 that Smith while "translating" the Book of Abraham 
 declared that polygamy would yet be a practice of the 
 faith. Martin Harris told J. M. Atwater that the doc- 
 trine of spiritual wifery was first positively announced as a 
 revelation by RIGDON, before a meeting of the officials of 
 the church, in an old building that used to stand south- 
 west of the Kirtland Temple. W. S. Smith and others 
 testify that the practice of sealing women to men was so 
 much talked of in Kirtland, that it became a by-word on 
 the street ; and that common report said that a bitter 
 quarrel between Rigdon and Smith shortly before they 
 left Kirtland was because Smith wanted to have Nancy 
 Rigdon, then a girl of sixteen, sealed to him. Smith con- 
 
252 Monnon Portraits. /. Sidelights. 
 
 fesses himself that all classes of persons asked him daily 
 and hourly, while he was journeying between Kirtland 
 and Far West, " Do Mormons believe in having more 
 wives than one?" All this accords perfectly with the 
 statement of Apostle Orson. Pratt that the principle 
 was made known to the Prophet as early as 1831. 
 
 VIII. 
 
 DR. ISAAC GALLAND. 
 
 " I the Lord lovcth him for the works he has done," 
 says the revelation of January 19, 1841, of the horse-steal- 
 ing doctor. Messrs. D. W. and Edward Kilbourn give 
 an interesting sketch of the doctor's doings in the Hawk- 
 ye and Patriot of October 7, 1841. After having de- 
 scribed the confused state of things on the tract of land 
 reserved in 1824 by treaty for the use of the "Half 
 Breeds of the Sac and Fox Nation of Indians," they con- 
 tinue : 
 
 " The ingenuity of Dr. Galland, however, found in this state of 
 things a fine field for the exercise of his peculiar talents, and in the 
 year 1839 he matured the plan of a stupendous fraud. He wrote to 
 Joe Smith, then in prison on charges of high treason, arson, etc., 
 inviting him to purchase his land at Commerce [Nauvoo], forty-seven 
 acres. Smith after making his escape complied, and brought on his 
 half-starved followers. Doctor G. then commenced selling Half- 
 Breed lands, giving therefor warranty deeds, which, of course, could 
 convey no title while the lands remained undivided. He at first as- 
 serted that he was the owner of seven-tenths of the tract [119,000 
 acres] and finally claimed to be the sole proprietor. That he might 
 the more successfully carry out the scheme of swindling thus com- 
 menced, he attached himself to the Mormon church, became a con- 
 fidant of Joe Smith, and in order to dupe persons daily arriving 
 among them, he deeded to Mormon bishops and prophets thousands 
 and tens of thousands of acres of the reservation alluded to, and 
 they are daily deeding by warranty deeds the lands thus acquired and 
 receiving therefor a valuable consideration. By a recent judicial de- 
 cision it is ascertained that the interest to which this man Galland is 
 entitled is but a small, undefined, undivided portion of the reservation. 
 
Niceties of Laiv be Durned, 253 
 
 With a full knowledge of all the facts stated, he is sent out with a 
 * Proclamation to the Saints abroad,' signed by Joseph Smith, Sidney 
 Rigdon and Hyrum Smith, in which it is said that 'he (Galland) is 
 the honored instrument the Lord used to prepare a home for us when 
 we were driven from our inheritance, having given him control of 
 vast bodies of land and prepared his heart to make the use of it the 
 Lord intended he should.' 
 
 " Many instances might be mentioned of individuals in the east, 
 who have exchanged with the < agents of the church ' their valuable 
 possessions for these worthless land titles, and there are cases- of suf- 
 fering, of families reduced to beggary, by these villains. When it is 
 known that one of the prophets acts in the absence of Galland as his 
 agent for the sale of these lands, what further evidence, we ask, is 
 wanted of the baseness and rascality of himself and his confed- 
 erates? " 
 
 Galland died, a pauper, in Iowa. 
 
 IX. 
 
 SETTING UP THE KINGDOM. 
 
 On the little town-site of Montrose, Iowa, Joe Smith, 
 " agent of Doctor Galland," resolved to erect his City of 
 Zarahemla. Messrs. Kilbourn give a lively account of 
 this bit of prophetic sharp practice : 
 
 " Early one morning in March, 1841, the quiet citizens of Mont- 
 rose were surprised by a visit from some of Joe. Smith's scullions 
 from Nauvoo, headed by Alanson Ripley, a Mormon bishop, who says 
 that as to the technical niceties of the law of the land he does not intend 
 to regard them; that the kingdom spoken of by the prophet Daniel has 
 been set up and that it is necessary every kingdom should be governed 
 by its own laws. With compass and chain they strided through gates 
 and over fences to the very doors of the Gentiles and drove the stakes 
 for the lots of a city which, in extent at least four miles square, 
 should vie with some of the largest cities of the world. They heeded 
 not enclosures ; why should they ? Is not the earth the Lord's and 
 the fulness thereof ? And shall not his Saints ' inherit and possess 
 it forever ? The kingdom spoken of by the prophet Daniel having 
 een set up, its ' laws ' authorized this Mormon bishop to threaten 
 personal violence to one of the undersigned for removing a stake 
 which had been driven within the bounds of his enclosure. A few 
 days subsequently it was ascertained that the exterior line of this 
 
254 Mormon Portraits. /. Sidelights. 
 
 1 four mile ' town had been run by order of Joe Smith and a plot of 
 it made and recorded, to which he gave the name of Zarahemla. 
 Having sold to his dupes a large portion of the Half Breed tract, a 
 happy thought strikes him that they can yet be bled ; he ordered 
 them by revelation to leave their fine farms and move into the ' city,' 
 sells them lots and conveys them by deeds. 
 
 " On the 6th of April, at a conference held in Nauvoo, a Mormon 
 leader publicly read a revelation* that the City of Zarahemla should 
 be laid out and built by the Latter Day Saints. Joe Smith then 
 stated that ' in accordance with this revelation ' a city had been sur- 
 veyed and the Saints desirous of purchasing lots could now do so. 
 * The people over there,' said he, ' are very much opposed to it, but 
 they must know if they know anything that it would be for their 
 interest to have 5,000 inhabitants come in with back-loads of money. 
 Why, I sometimes think they don't know beans when the bag is open; 
 they needn't be scared; we don't want their improvements without 
 paying for them ; we expect to pay them a good price for their possess- 
 ions, and if that don't satisfy them, we'll have them anyhow" 
 
 X. 
 
 ROCKWELL AND GOVERNOR BOGGS. 
 
 The reader remembers the statement of Mrs. Pratt, 
 which proves conclusively that Joseph, with the complic- 
 ity of Dr. John C. Bennett, gave orders for the assassin- 
 ation of Governor Boggs. He sent Danite O. Porter 
 Rockwell " to fulfill prophecy," and the prophecy came 
 very near being fulfilled on May 6, 1842. Boggs received 
 a terrible wound in the head, and I am informed that, 
 though cured for the time, he died a number of years 
 after from the effects of the very same wound. 
 
 On June 23 I had an interview with the only man 
 Brigham Young seems to have ever really feared, General 
 
 * " Verily, thus saith the Lord, let [all My Saints] gather them- 
 selves together unto the places which I shall appoint unto them by 
 my prophet Joseph and build up cities unto my name, Let them 
 build up a city unto my name upon the land opposite to the city of 
 Nauvoo and let the name of Zarahemla be named upon it. [Doc- 
 trine and Covenants y 1886, p. 447.] 
 
Elder Rockwell is D d Sorry. 255 
 
 Connor. To name the old soldier is to name honesty and 
 kindness, as everybody knows. By a remarkable turn of 
 affairs he became the patron of Brigham' s professional 
 murderers, Bill Hickman and O. P. Rockwell. All 
 things considered, the church hyenas found it safer to 
 serve an honest man in doing his useful and harmless bus- 
 iness, and getting well paid for it, instead of robbing and 
 murdering for the prophet of the Lord at their own dan- 
 ger and expense. "Bill Hickman," says General Con- 
 nor," "told me half an hour after it occurred, that 
 Brigham had promised him a thousand dollars if he 
 would send a ball through my brain and lay the murder 
 to the Indians. I don't believe that those men were 
 butchers by nature : they were fanatics in their belief 
 that they could not be saved if th^y would not obey any 
 order of the prophet, right or wrong. As to Rockwell, 
 he considered me his only friend in the last years of his 
 life, and wrote to me, while I was in California, that I 
 should come and help him in a law-suit. I employed 
 him during one winter to guard my stock. He discharged 
 this task with scrupulous honesty. He used, like Hick- 
 man, to tell me many of the horrible deeds he had com- 
 mitted for the church. Among other things he told me 
 once that HE HAD SHOT BOGGS. ' I shot through the win- 
 dow, said he, 'and thought I had killed him, but I had 
 only wounded him ; / was damned sorry that I had not 
 killed the son of a b / ' ! 
 
 XL 
 
 MARTHA BROTHERTON'S AFFIDAVIT. 
 
 This is my pearl. It shows the works of Abraham in 
 all their glory. It proves absolutely the statements made 
 by Bennett, the Expositor, and my witnesses. It shows 
 the reprobateness of the lackeys, Brigham and Kimball, 
 who never did anything afterward in Utah but put in 
 
256 Mormon Portraits. /. Sidelights. 
 
 practice what they had learnt in the school of Mine An- 
 ointed. That little room, with "POSITIVELY NO ADMIT- 
 TANCE" is a pearl of peculiar lustre in Mormon history. 
 An old lady told me, only a few days ago, that a plural 
 wife of William Clayton, whom she used to visit often, said 
 to her that Joseph was wont to spend a great deal of his val- 
 uable time in this skeleton-closet of his amours. The Clay- 
 tons kept a sharp lookout for Emma, the dreaded legal 
 wife, who used to hunt " Brother Joseph " all over town. 
 Whenever she approached the "brick store" the Clay tons 
 warned the prophet by a certain signal. He would then 
 hurry down stairs, fix up before the mirror, and be dis- 
 covered in animated conversation with some member of 
 the Clayton family when Emma entered. 
 
 John Taylor was one of the many who entered the little 
 sealing office for the holiest of purposes. Said a perfectly 
 reliable witness, a lady, to me : "A Mrs. Ann Dawson 
 went to Nauvoo from Preston, Lancashire, England; she 
 came with her whole family; one of her daughters, Mary, 
 got an invitation for " a special meeting. " They brought 
 her to that little sealing office; Joseph was there and told 
 her that it was the Lord's will concerning her that she 
 should be sealed to Brother John Taylor without delay as 
 his celestial wife; she refused. They (Joseph and Tay- 
 lor ) bolted the door, and wanted to force things, but she 
 managed to get away from them. This event caused the 
 whole Dawson family to apostatize and to leave Nauvoo. " 
 Mrs. Dawson had seven children when she came to Nauvoo. 
 The story was told my witness by Mrs. Elizabeth Cottom, 
 the sister of the intended celestial victim. But no, there 
 is not any such thing practiced here, Mr. Taylor, eh? 
 Now let us hear the brave English girl, Martha Broth- 
 erton : 
 
 ST. Louis, Mo., July 13, 1842. 
 
 "I had been in Nauvoo near three weeks, during which 
 time my father's family received frequent visits from 
 Apostles BRIGHAM YOUNG and HEBER C. KIMBALL, when, 
 early one morning, they both came to my brother-in-law r 's, 
 where I was on a visit, and particularly requested me to go 
 and spend a few days with them. I told them I could 
 
The Mysteries of the Kingdom. 257 
 
 not at that time ; however they urged me to go the next 
 day and spend one day with them. The day being fine I 
 accordingly went. When I arrived at the foot of the hill, 
 Young and Kimball were standing conversing together. 
 They both came to me and after several flattering compli- 
 ments, Kimball wished me to go to his house first. I 
 went. Brigham went away on some errand and Kimball 
 now turned to me and said : " Martha, I want you to say 
 to my wife, when you go to my house, that you want to 
 buy some things at Joseph's store, and I will say I am 
 going with you, to show you the way. You know you 
 want to see the prophet and you will then have an oppor- 
 tunity." I made no reply. I remained at Kimball's 
 near an hour, when Kimball, seeing that I would not tell 
 the lies he wished me to, told them to his wife himself. 
 So Kimball and I went to the store together. As we were 
 going along he said : " Sister Martha, are you willing to 
 do ALL that the prophet requires you to do ? " I said I 
 believed I was, thinking of course he would require noth- 
 ing wrong. "Then," said he, "are you ready to take 
 counsel ? " I answered yes, thinking of the great and 
 glorious blessings that had been pronounced upon my 
 head, if I adhered to the counsel of those placed over me 
 in the Lord. "Well," said he, "there are many things 
 revealed in these last days that the world would laugh and 
 scoff at, but unto us is given to know the MYSTERIES OF 
 THE KINGDOM." He further observed: "Martha, you 
 must learn to HOLD YOUR TONGUE and it will be well with 
 you." When we reached the building he led me up some 
 stairs to a small room, the door of which was locked and 
 on it the inscription, " Positively no admittance." He 
 observed : " Ah, brother Joseph must be sick, for, strange 
 to say, he is not here. Come down into the tithing office, 
 Martha." He then left me in the tithing office. Brig- 
 ham Young came in and seated himself before me and 
 asked where Kimball was. Soon after Joseph came in and 
 then went up stairs, followed by Young. Now Kimball 
 came in. "Martha," said he, "the prophet has come, 
 come up stairs." I went and we found Brigham and the 
 prophet alone. I was introduced to the prophet by Brig- 
 
2 5^ Mormon Portraits. /. Sidelights. 
 
 ham. Joseph offered me his seat and, to my astonish- 
 ment, the moment I was seated Joseph and Kimball 
 walked out of the room and left me with Brigham, who 
 arose, locked the door, closed the window ', and drew the 
 curtains. He then sat before me and said: "This is 
 OUR PRIVATE ROOM, Martha." "Indeed, sir," said 
 
 BRIGHAM YOUNG. 
 
 I, "I must be highly honored to be permitted to 
 enter it." He smiled and then proceeded: "Sister 
 Martha, I want to ask you a few questions will you an- 
 swer them?" "Yes, sir," said I. "And will you 
 promise not to mention them to anyone?" "If it is your 
 desire, sir," said I, " I will not." "And you will not 
 think any the worse of me for it, will you, Martha?" 
 said he. " No," I replied. " Well," said he, " what are 
 your feelings towards me ? " I replied : " My feelings are 
 just the same towards you that they ever were, sir." 
 " But to come to the point more closely," said he, " have 
 you not an affection for me, that, were it lawful and right, 
 you could accept of me for your HUSBAND and compan- 
 
Brigham Takes a Kiss Anyhow. 259 
 
 ion? " My feelings at that moment were indescribable. 
 What, thought I, are these* men that I thought almost 
 perfection itself, deceivers? I considered it best to ask 
 for time to think and pray about it. I therefore said : 
 "If it was lawful and right perhaps I might, but you 
 know, sir, it is not." "Well, but," said he, '"Brother 
 Joseph has had a REVELATION from God that it is lawful 
 and right for a man to have TWO WIVES; for as it was in 
 the days of Abraham, so it shall be in these last days, 
 and whoever is the first that is willing to take up the 
 CROSS will receive the greatest blessings ; and if you will 
 accept of me, I will take you straight to the celestial king- 
 dom, and if you will have me in this world, I will have 
 you in that which is to come, and brother Joseph will 
 marry us here to-day, or you can go home this evening and 
 your parents will not know anything about it. " " Sir, ' ' 
 said I, "I should not like to do anything of the kind 
 without the permission of my parents." " Well, but," 
 said he, "you are of age, are you not?" "No, sir," 
 said I, " I shall not be until the 24th of May." "Well," 
 said he, " that does not make any difference. You will 
 be of age before they know and you need not fear. If 
 you will take my counsel it will be well with you, and if 
 there is any sin in it, I will answer for it. But Brother 
 Joseph will explain things will you hear him?" " I do 
 not mind," said I. "Well, but I want you to say some- 
 thing," said he. "I want time to think about it," said 
 I. "Well," said he, " 1 'will have a kiss anyhow" He 
 rose and said he would bring Joseph. He then unlocked 
 the door and took the key and locked me up alone. He 
 was absent about ten minutes and then returned with 
 Joseph. "Well," said Brigham, "Sister Martha would 
 be willing if she knew that it was lawful and right 
 before God." "Well, Martha," said Joseph, it is lawful 
 and right before God I KNOW it is. Look here, Sis; 
 DON'T YOU BELEIVE IN ME? " I did not answer. "Well, 
 Martha," said Joseph, "just go ahead and do as Brigham 
 wants you to he is the best man in the world, except 
 me." " Well, "said Brigham, " we believe Joseph to be a 
 drophet. I have known him for eight years, and always 
 
260 Mormon Portraits. I. Sidelights. 
 
 found him the same." "Yes," said Joseph, "I know 
 that this is lawful and right , before God, and if there is 
 any sin in it, I WILL ANSWER FOR IT BEFORE GOD ; and I 
 have the keys of the kingdom and whatever I bind on 
 earth is bound in Heaven and whatever I loose on earth 
 is loosed in Heaven ; and if you will accept of Brigham, 
 you shall be blessed ; God shall bless you and my bless- 
 ing shall rest upon you ; and if you will be led by him, 
 you will do well : for I know Brigham will take care of 
 you, and if he don't do his duty to you, come to me and 
 I will make him ; and if you do not like it in a month or 
 two, come to me and / will make you free again, and if 
 he turns you off, I WILL TAKE YOU ON." "Sir," said I, 
 rather warmly, " it will be .too late to think in a month 
 or two after. I want time to think first." "Well, but," 
 said he, " the old proverb is : ' nothing ventured, nothing 
 gained ' and it would be the greatest blessing ever be- 
 stowed on you. What are you afraid of, Sis.? Come, 
 
 LET ME DO THE BUSINESS FOR YOU," "Well," Said I, 
 
 "the best way I know of, is to go home and think and 
 pray about it." Brigham said: "I shall leave it with 
 Brother Joseph, whether it would be best for you to have 
 time or not." Joseph: " I see no harm in her having 
 time to think, if she will not fall into temptation." " Oh, 
 sir," said I, "there is no fear of my falling into tempta- 
 tion." "Well, but," said Brigham, "you must promise 
 me you will never mention it to anyone." I promised. 
 Joseph said: "You must promise me the same." I did. 
 "Upon your honor," said he, "you will not tell?" 
 "No, sir," said I, "I will lose my life first." "Well, 
 that will do," said he, "that is the principle we go upon. 
 I think I can trust you, Martha." I then rose to go, when 
 Joseph commenced to beg of me again. He said it was 
 the best opportunity they might have for months, for THE 
 ROOM WAS OFTEN ENGAGED. I, however, had determined 
 what to do. The next day I sat down and wrote the 
 conversation. We went to meeting. Brigham adminis- 
 tered the sacrament. After it was over, Young followed 
 me out and whispered : " Have you made up your mind, 
 Martha?" " Not exactly, sir/' said I, and we parted." 
 
Danites Avard and P helps Confess. 261 
 
 XII. 
 
 SUBSTANCE OF THE EVIDENCE 
 
 In the Trial of Joseph Smith and Others for High Trea- 
 son Against the State ; Murder, Burglary, Arson., Rob- 
 bery and Larceny. (November, 1838.) 
 
 SAMPSON AVARD : 
 
 " The officers of the Danite band were brought before Joseph 
 Smith, together with Hyrum Smith and Sidney Rigdon. Joseph blessed 
 thm and prophesied over them, declaring that they should be the means 
 in the hands of God, ef bringing forth the millennial kingdom. Joseph 
 said that those who revealed the secrets of the Society should be PUT 
 TO DEATH. They declared, holding up their right hands : " In the 
 name of Jesus Christ, I do solemnly obligate myself ever to conceal and 
 never to reveal the secret purposes of this society. Should I ever do 
 the same, I hold my life as the forfeiture." The prophet and his 
 councilors, Hyrum and Sidney, were considered as the supreme head 
 of the church, and the Danite band felt themselves as much bound to 
 obey them as to obey the Supreme God. Instruction was given by 
 Joseph, that if any of them should get into a difficulty, the rest should 
 help him out and that they should stand by each other, RIGHT OR 
 WRONG. This instruction was given in a public address." 
 
 W. W. PHELPS: 
 
 " Rigdon said in a public meeting that they meant to resist the law 
 and if a sheriff came after them with writs, they would kill him, and if 
 anybody opposed them they would take off their heads. SMITH AP- 
 PROVED of those remarks. On another occasion Rigdon administered 
 for forty or fifty Mormons, the covenanters taking their obligations with 
 uplifted hands. The first was, that if any man attempted to move out 
 of the country, or pack his things for that purpose, any of the cove- 
 nanters seeing it should kill him and haul him aside into the brush; 
 and all the burial he should have should be in a turkey buzzard's guts, 
 so that nothing should be left of him but his bones. The next cove- 
 nant was, that if any person from the surrounding country came into 
 their town, walking about no odds who he might be any one of 
 those covenanters should kill him and throw him aside into the brush. 
 The third covenant was, " Conceal all these things."* 
 
 * Bravo, old Phelps ! And after this statement you went back to 
 the church and played for many years the picturesque part of Old 
 Scratch in the Endowment House ! 
 
262 Mormon Portraits. /. Sidelights. 
 
 G. M. HINKI.K: 
 
 " I have heard Joseph say that he believed MAHOMET was a good 
 man ; that the Koran was not a true thing, but the world believed 
 Mahomet, as they had believed him and that Mahomet was a true 
 prophet. Joseph made a speech to the troops in which he said that 
 the troops which were gathering through the country were a damned 
 mob. That he had tried to keep the law long enough. That the 
 whole State was a mob set and that if they came to fight him, he 
 would play hell with their appre carts!" 
 
 JOHN CORRILL : 
 
 "Joseph said if the people would let us alone, we would preach 
 the gospel in peace; but if they come on us to molest us, we would 
 establish our religion by the sword and that "he would become to this 
 generation a SECOND MAHOMET. He spoke in his discourse of persons 
 taking, at some times, what, at other times, it would be wrong to take ; 
 and gave, as an example, the case of David eating the shewbread and 
 also of the Savior and His Apostles plucking the ears of corn and 
 eating, as they passed through the corn field." 
 
 JAMES C. OWENS : 
 
 " I heard Joseph, in a speech to the Mormon troops say that he 
 did not care any thing about the coming of the troops nor about THE 
 LAWS and that he did not intend to try to keep the laws, or please 
 them any longer ; that they were a damned set, and God should damn 
 them, so help him Jesus Christ, and he meant to go his own course 
 and KILL AND DESTROY and told the men to fight like angels, that 
 heretofore he told them to fight like devils, but now he told them to 
 fight like angels, that angels could whip devils. He said that they 
 might think he was swearing, but that God Almighty would not take 
 notice of him in cursing such a damned set as they were." 
 
 REED PECK : 
 
 " I heard Joseph say in a speech in reference to STEALING that in 
 a general way he did not approve of it, but that on one occasion our 
 Savior and His deciples stole corn in going through the corn field, 
 for the reason that they could not otherwise procure anything to eat. 
 He told an anecdote of a Dutchman's potatoes and said that a colonel 
 was quartered near a Dutchman from whom he wished to purchase 
 some potatoes, who refused to sell them. The officer then charged 
 his men not to be caught stealing the Dutchman's potatoes, but next 
 morning he found his potatoes all dug-. I heard Joseph in a public 
 address say that he had a reverence for the Constitution of the U. S. 
 and of this state (Missouri); but, as for the laws of this State he did 
 not intend to regard them, as they were made by lawyers and black- 
 legs." 
 ALLEN RATHBUN : 
 
 " Mr, Cam remarked, that there would be in, that night, a con- 
 
George Washington is Nobody. 263 
 
 siderable number of sheep and cattle; and further remarked, that it 
 looked to him sometimes that it was not right to take plunder, but 
 that it was ACCORDING TO THE DIRECTIONS OF JOSEPH SMITH and 
 that was the reason why he did it." 
 BURR RIGGS : 
 
 " While in Diahmon, I saw a great deal of plunder brought in, 
 consisting of bed and bed-clothes; I also saw one clock, and I saw 
 thirty-six head of cattle drove in. All the above property was called 
 CONSECRATED property. I heard Joseph Smith say that the sword 
 was now unsheathed and should not again be sheathed until he could 
 go through those United States and live in any county he pleased, 
 peaceably. I heard this from him on several occasions." 
 
 XIII. 
 
 JOSEPH'S REAL CHARACTER. 
 
 After having told so many "infernal lies" about Joe 
 Smith, his family and his friends, I feel the necessity of 
 telling the "truth" for once. So let me publish "the 
 facts " about Joe in the words of the present church organ, 
 printed Dec. 22, 1880: 
 
 THE MAN OF THE CENTURY. 
 
 "Seventy-five years ago to-day one of the most remarkable charac- 
 ters of the age was born at Sharon, Windsor County, Vermont. He 
 was a child of destiny. Raised up by Divine Providence for a needful 
 work, he came into the world shortly after the opening of this wonder- 
 ful nineteenth century. Descended from the ancient Seers, he bore in 
 his body and possessed in his spirit the qualities needful for the great 
 work required of him. Pre-ordained to be a prophet to the latter-day 
 dispensation, he was the man for the times, the central figure around 
 which were grouped other strong souls born to be laborers in the vine- 
 yard at the eleventh hour, the star whose rays were shed forth in the 
 midst of the spiritual darkness that prevailed for centuries, and whose 
 light was to herald the speedy coming of the glorious Sun of Right- 
 eousness. 
 
 "Joseph Smith, son of Joseph, and of the lineage of that ancient 
 Joseph who was sold into Egypt but became the ruler of the land, was 
 
264 Mormon Portraits. /. Sidelights. 
 
 one of the greatest revelators who ever dwelt on this fallen planet. He 
 communed with angels; he translated sacred records written in forgot- 
 ten languages; he was susceptible to the SEER-STONE and could read by 
 Urim and Thummim; he restored lost divine things of the past; he 
 perceived and declared important events of the future ; he gazed into 
 the glories of the eternal worlds ; he held converse with the Father and 
 the Son ; he received the keys of the last dispensation and to him came 
 those who stood at the head of all former dispensations, back to Mic- 
 hael, or Adam, the first of all and chief of all, who conferred upon 
 him the spirit and power of their several callings; he laid the founda- 
 tion of the mightiest kingdom that this world has ever seen ; he estab- 
 lished the sacred order of the everlasting priesthood and defined its 
 powers and limits, its prerogatives and duties, its offices and callings, 
 in all their detail and beauty and harmony ; he grappled with the pow- 
 ers of darkness; he opened the gospel to the living and the way of 
 redemption for the dead ; he was spoken of for good or evil in all the 
 nations on the globe ; he sealed his testimony with his blood, and his 
 name is recorded in the list of the martyrs, for whom shines the kingly 
 crown in the midst of the majesty on high. 
 
 "We honor and revere his memory ; but we do not worship him, as 
 some people declare. He was but a man with human failings and 
 human affections. But he was one of the mighty, and he has left an 
 impress on the century that will not perish while time shall last. The 
 spirit of his personality remains on this side of the vail, although he 
 ministers beyond, and wherever the restored gospel is found among 
 the tribes and tongues of men, he will be proclaimed as the instrument 
 in God^s hand of linking together the heavens and the earth, and of 
 bringing to the sons and daughters of men the blessings of the plan of 
 salvation. 
 
 "Thousands upon thousands have received in their souls a divine 
 witness of his prophetic mission. And the people gathered from the 
 ends of the earth who now inherit these fruitful valleys, and whose 
 union, and force, and peculiarities and faith have attracted the atten- 
 tion of all nations, have been brought here by the power and influence of 
 the religion which he taught and the spirit that he administered. And 
 when the great work which he founded is finished, and the fulness of 
 the Gentiles is come in, and Israel and Judah, restored to their former 
 dominion, possess the lands bestowed upon them by patriarchal bless- 
 ings, and the power of the wicked is broken, and Satan and his hosts are 
 banished and bound, and the kingdoms of this world are the kingdom 
 of God and His Christ, among the mighty ones who stand next the 
 throne and join in the government of the regenerated earth will be 
 Joseph Smith, once the Green Mountain boy and the derided of the 
 proud, the scoffer and the worldly-wise, but now the heaven-crowned 
 ruler over many things, and the honored associate of the immortal and 
 Eternal Rulers of a universe redeemed." 
 
 While writing this cleverly arranged medley of im- 
 
How Kimball Goes for His God. 265 
 
 pudent lies, editor C. W. Penrose had no idea that only a 
 few years later he would have to skip Zion in woman's 
 clothes, the anointed head buried in a big sun bonnet, 
 for having fulfilled the Law of Sarah. He is now in old 
 England, playing a duo on the flute of melancholy with 
 bloody old sinner Daniel H. Wells. Penrose, being a 
 man of talent, should use his leisure time in writing the 
 memoirs of Wells, who can give him lots of curious de- 
 tails about church murders, engineered by him and 
 Brother Brigham, especially the blood-atoning of Dr. J. 
 King Robinson. 
 
 Brother Brigham, it would seem, knew his prophet 
 better, and I think, if he was alive, he could not take ex- 
 ceptions to my views of Joseph's life and character, if I 
 may judge from the following expressions in one of his 
 speeches before thousands of his hearers : 
 
 " The doctrine the prophet Joseph teaches is all I care about. 
 Bring anything against that if you can. As for anything else, I don't 
 care if the prophet Joseph acted. LIKE THE DEVIL. He brought forth 
 a doctrine that will save us if we will abide by it. He may have got 
 DRUNK every day of his life, SLEPT WITH HIS NEIGHBOR'S WIFE 
 EVERY NIGHT, run horses and gambled EVERY DAY : I care nothing 
 about that, for I never embrace any man in my faith. The doctrine 
 the prophet Joseph produced will save you and me and the whole 
 world. If you can find any fault with his doctrine, find it." 
 
 As a rule the leaders in Mormonism knew and know 
 each other well. Apostle Heber C. Kimball, for example, 
 read Brother Brigham' s low cunning soul as clearly as if 
 he had Joe ' s peepstone, though, in public, declaring him 
 to be God's representative, ay, even God Himself. Kim- 
 ball could not help seeing that Brother Brigham had a 
 special weakness for dashing Gentile actresses. On one 
 occasion Kimball had assembled his "family" for the 
 usual evening prayer, but when beginning to pray for 
 Brigham, he sprang to his feet excitedly, and exclaimed : 
 "I can't pray for him, but he needs it badly enough, for 
 the greater the strumpet, the more Brother Brigham is after 
 her." I have this anecdote from a perfectly responsible 
 source. 
 
266 Mormon Portraits. /. Sidelights. 
 
 XIV. 
 
 PATRIARCHAL BLESSINGS. 
 
 Just as Joseph's old peepstone became the Urim and 
 Thummim of " our holy religion, " so was the gibberish of 
 the fortune-telling Smith family transformed into "patri- 
 archal blessings. " We have already seen, in Dr. Bennett's 
 history, a brilliant specimen of this kind of productions, 
 which were a pious pastime for certain members of the 
 " Church, "at once pleasant and profitable. I am notable 
 to give one of the blessings pronounced by the new Abra- 
 ham, Mr. Joseph Smith, Sr., but I was able to copy two 
 pronounced by "Uncle John, 1 ' a brother of the new 
 Abraham, who lived to a very advanced age in Utah. 
 Both blessings bear the date of November 10, 1852. The 
 good people who received them told me that "Uncle 
 John M looked carefully into their eyes before pronouncing 
 them, to ascertain to what tribe of Israel the blessing-can- 
 didates belonged. Considering the abundance of fine 
 things promised in these valuable documents, they were 
 really cheap, if not given away altogether. Ready money 
 was scarce at that time, so the price, $2 50 apiece, had to 
 be paid in wheat, "a bushel and a peck per head. " 
 Seven persons were blessed on that same day, and the re- 
 sult was $17 50, or eight bushels and three pecks of wheat 
 for the venerable Patriarch, who was, by the way, the 
 father of the Thackeray of Mormonism, Apostle George 
 A. Smith. Here is the first of the two blessings: 
 
 " Brother , I place my hands upon your head as a patri- 
 arch,. and seal upon you a father's blessing, even all the blessings of 
 Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, and all the priesthood that was placed 
 upon the children of Jacob from everlasting. You are of the blood 
 of Joseph that was sold into Egypt, and a lawful heir to all the bless- 
 ings that was sealed upon the children of Joseph; you shall have 
 faith in the priesthood to rebuke the waves of the sea, to turn rivers 
 out of their courses, cause streams to break forth in the parched 
 ground, and to gather the remnant of Jacob from among the Gentiles 
 and lead them to Zion in spite of all opposition ; no power shall stay 
 your hand ; you shall cause many of the great and noble of the earth 
 
* 
 Religious Fortune- Telling. 267 
 
 to consecrate their gain for the building up of Zion ; you shall return 
 to Zion with a great multitude of people when thou hast finished thy 
 mission ; you shall see thy Redeemer stand upon the earth in all his 
 beauty and glory with all his twelve apostles at his right hand clothed 
 with pillars of fire ; shall share in all the blessings of His kingdom, 
 with all your fathers house. Amen." 
 
 After this "son of Joseph " comes his wife, a daugh- 
 ter of Abraham, through the loins of Joseph, of course. 
 
 " Sister , beloved of the Lord, in the name of Jesus of 
 
 Nazareth, I place my hands upon thy head. As thou art a daughter 
 of Abraham, through the loins of Joseph, I seal upon you the bless- 
 ings of the new and everlasting covenant. You shall be blessed in 
 your basket and store, in your house and about your habitation, be 
 blessed with power in the priesthood to heal the sick and do miracles 
 in the name of the Lord, have flocks and herds, horses and chariots, 
 man and maid servants that will delight to obey thy voice. All these 
 things shall be at thy disposal in the absence of thy companion. You 
 shall be a 'mother in Israel.' Your sons and daughters shall be mighty 
 men and women in the house of Jacob. Your name shall be had in 
 honorable remembrance through your posterity from generation to. 
 generation. Your days shall be according to the desire of your heart, 
 and you shall see all things fulfilled which the prophets have spoken 
 concerning Zion, and inherit all the blessings and glories of the 
 kingdom of Christ with all your father's household. Even so, 
 Amen." 
 
 Permit me the closing remark, that this daughter of 
 Abraham, who was to be a mother in Israel, had never a 
 child. 
 
 XV. 
 
 HISTORY OF THE ENDOWMENTS. 
 
 Only a few days ago, passing near the gates of the 
 Temple block, I asked a working man standing there: 
 
 " What kind of a temple is this? " 
 
 " A Masonic temple, sir," said the man, apparently 
 belonging to the gang working on the building, which 
 looks like a huge prison. 
 
 "For what is it intended? For what you call the en- 
 dowments ? ' ' 
 
268 Mormon Portraits. /. Sidelights. 
 
 " Yes, sir, for the endowments and other ordinances, 
 baptisms, etc. ' ' 
 
 Mr. Webb has given me some very interesting details 
 about the history of Mormon endowments. Joseph Smith, 
 Brigham Young and John Taylor, were " Master Masons " 
 when they came to Nauvoo. Joseph drove the Elders into 
 the order. He received a charter from the Chief Lodge 
 and had a fine Masonic Hall erected. Through Joseph's 
 
 ADAM'S ENDOWMENT GARMENT. 
 
 influence nearly all male Mormons became Masons in a 
 very short time. Having succeeded in this, the prophet 
 undertook to "restore the ancient order of things. M A 
 " revelation " put him in possession of a great secret, lost 
 at the death of the architect of the temple of King Solo- 
 
The Lord Reveals Even Aprons. 269 
 
 mon. The organization of the Endowments was the result 
 of this restoration of the ancient order. 
 
 The Nauvoo Endowments consisted of a long series of 
 ceremonies, with oaths and grips, and covenants and signs 
 in the manner of the Utah Endowments. Hence, Mor- 
 monism in Utah is to-day nothing but Joseph? s revised or 
 restored Masonry. Joseph made great changes in the Ma- 
 sonic rites, so that there remained but little of the original. 
 But there was a change as from day to night between the 
 Endowments in Kirtland and those in Nauvoo. In Kirt- 
 land they consisted in feet washing and anointings, taking 
 of bread and wine, blessing, prophesying, and appari- 
 
 REVEALED FIG LEAF APRON. 
 
 tions of angels. The ceremonies lost most of the religious 
 character and changed to Masonry. The anointings were 
 about the only resemblance remaining. * 
 
 A third change in the Endowments was introduced by 
 Brigham Young, after the death of Joseph and Hyrum 
 Smith. He prescribed the terrible oaths binding the 
 
 * Joseph introduced in Nauvoo the ENDOWMENT GARMENTS, 
 "worn by Adam in Paradise" and used by every "good" Utah Mor- 
 mon day and night. Desdemona Fullmer, one of Joseph's spiritual 
 wives she died here last winter, poor and neglected made for many 
 years a scant living by making Endowment Garments after the pattern 
 revealed to Brother Joseph by the Lord. Her "fig leaf aprons " were 
 highly valued by Mormon connoiseurs. Poor Desdemona died, 
 fixed in the faith, in the VI. ward. Wm. Clayton names her in his 
 Leporello-Register, see p. 96. 
 
270 Mormon Portraits. /. Sidelights. 
 
 brethren to avenge the blood of the prophets on this na- 
 tion and to teach this to their children as a sacred duty. 
 I shall deal with this treasonable feature of the Mormon 
 Endowment in Vol. II. of this work. Suffice here the re- 
 mark, that it is not only denied by all " good " Mormons, 
 but even by " apostates " who consider themselves bound 
 by those quasi-Masonic oaths and do not wish to hurt the 
 feelings or injure the social or legal position of the 
 " brethren " or themselves. Statements of this kind, some 
 of them made in public speeches, have done yeoman ser- 
 vice in deceiving the world as to the true character of this 
 "church," which in its real essence is nothing but a secret 
 criminal conspiracy for the purpose of defying the laws 
 and keeping up a system radically inimical to republican 
 institutions. 
 
 MAN'S ENDOWMENT CAP. 
 
 Thousands and thousands have " got their Endow- 
 ments" in the Salt Lake " House, " the well-known two- 
 story adobe building in the Temple block. This sinister 
 little breeding-place for treason and polygamy is now de- 
 serted, but the three temples in the Territory, especially 
 the one is Logan, are at full blast with the "work of 
 God." The Endowments and sealings given there bind 
 many and many dupes every week to blind obedience to- 
 wards the priesthood, to hatred against the United States, 
 and to shame and misery in the form of "celestial mar- 
 riage ;" for it is a notorious fact that polygamous marriages, 
 though more secret than ever, are still performed, and 
 even more numerously than ever. I am informed from a 
 most reliable source that John Taylor, George Q. Cannon 
 and Joseph F. Smith, the latest representants of " Father, 
 Son and Holy Ghost," have fine accommodations in the 
 Logan temple with the best of furniture and carpets to be 
 got for tithing-money, and rare plants in abundance. About 
 thirty women "work" in the temple, most of them young, of 
 
The Logan Temple Making Money. 
 
 271 
 
 course. They get baptized for any amount of " the dead, ' ' 
 at 15 cents a soul. They go for you through the Endow- 
 ments as " proxies, " for " four bits." And Eliza R. 
 Snow is there, washing, anointing and blessing the sisters, 
 whispering celestial names in their ears and promising them 
 eternal glory as the price of polygamy. People 1 go there to 
 have their children sealed to them ; otherwise, they would 
 not have them in "all eternity;' 7 and then. the whole fam- 
 
 WOMAN'S CAP AND SLIPPER. 
 
 ilies get sealed to " Brother Taylor, "to make sure of en- 
 joying all the advantages of his ''exceeding weight of 
 glory." The temple makes lots of money. Even the 
 brethren have to pay from two to five dollars for the simple 
 going through as visitors. You cannot go through in your 
 ordinary shoes, and a pair of immaculate linen slippers, as 
 prescribed by revelation, costs $2 50. 
 
 Yes, they are turned into veritable "Templars" now : 
 brother Taylor is there, blessing and sealing, and so is 
 
27 2 Mormon Portraits. /. Sidelights. 
 
 brother Cannon and brother Joseph F. Smith, son of 
 prophet Hyrum, and a brute of the William Smith, Orson 
 Hyde and Parley Pratt type. The whole nest of conspir- 
 ators could be taken hold of at one grasp, but President 
 Cleveland and Congress have other fish to fry, you see. 
 Hence the wonderful amount of "no confidence at all in 
 the serious intentions of this government " with all true 
 friends of this territory, especially since the informal 
 ousting of the "best governor Utah ever had," Eli H. 
 Murray. That's what straight loyal and sensible people 
 call Murray and will always call him. 
 
 XVI. 
 
 THE MORMON PROPHETESS. 
 
 I have given, now and then, .a sample of the scientific 
 discoveries of Mr. Tullidge, the special Mormon "'histor- 
 ian." Not satisfied with having made a new Abraham of 
 old Micawber Smith and a new Savior of Joe, he discov- 
 ers Milton in petticoats in "our beloved sister, Eliza R. 
 Snow, Zion's poetess." Says the Mormon Columbus of 
 a new world of discoveries : 
 
 "Her influence in the Church of the Saints, through the medium 
 of her holy sentiments and elevated thoughts, has been like a pure 
 stream from a heavenly fountain. Her life has been of the divine 
 cast in all its phases, and her sublime devotion to her God, coupled 
 with that saintly meekness which has ever characterized her, is like 
 her poetic genius, Hebraic in tone and quality. But she is something 
 more than a mere poetess. She is also of the prophetess and priestess 
 type. There are only two of the Latter-day Church who pre-eminent- 
 ly possess this triple quality, and they are Parley P. Pratt, who may 
 be termed the Mormon Isaiah, and Eliza R. Snow." 
 
 And may not brother Tullidge be "termed" the 
 
The Scare- Crow of Mormonism. 273 
 
 Mormon Homer? He feels keenly that Eliza is superior 
 to all Gentile poetasters: 
 
 " We have Shakespeare, Byron, Shelley, Burns; but they are both 
 Gentile and modern in their variety and tone." 
 
 Yes, "we have them," but they are all wretched 
 "damned Gentiles," after all, not a drop of Abraham's 
 'blood in the whole lot. How sad it makes one, though, 
 to see bitter apostates and ungodly Gentiles unite in 
 slandering such a personification of talent and virtue ! 
 All decent and clear-headed people I have met in this 
 territory consider " the divine cast in all its phases" as 
 nothing but the fanaticism of the worst of female roosters 
 that has roped into polygamy innumerable victims, men 
 and women, and been, since the early times of the 
 "church," altogether one of the most pernicious and re- 
 pulsive figures of the imposture and its history, dreaded 
 and despised by Emma Smith and all true wives and 
 mothers in Mormondom up to this day. 
 
 Let me quote now some of the emanations of our "He- 
 braic " genius, or genus, to use one of the happiest ex- 
 pressions of Joseph Smith, Senior : 
 
 " Vermont, a land much fam'd for hills and snows 
 And blooming cheeks, may boast the honor of 
 The prophet's birth-place. 
 
 " Ere ten summers' suns 
 
 Had bound their wreath upon his youthful brow, 
 His father with his family remov'd; 
 And in New York, Ontario County, since 
 Called Wayne, selected them a residence ; 
 First in Palmyra, then in Manchester." 
 
 I see lots of "genus" in this, Hebraic and other- 
 wise. Prophetess Eliza is the affinity of Prophet Joseph, 
 no doubt. Genus will always thrill responsive to genus. 
 But here is more of it, in a poem on the New- Year, 1852 : 
 
 '* Its introduction bears the impress of 
 
 The Past, and casts its bold reflection on 
 
 The Future. Time's broad bosom heaves on, on 
 
 Fast moves the billowy tide of change, that in 
 
 Its destination will o'erwhelm the mass 
 
 Of the degen'rate governments on earth, 
 
 And introduce Messiah's peaceful reign." 
 
274 Mormon Portraits. /. Sidelights. 
 
 The year 1853 gets likewise a grand Hebraic wel- 
 come, from which I quote : 
 
 " And verily 
 
 The present, past and future are entwin'd 
 So closely in their bonds of fellowship 
 So firmly wedded each to other, that 
 The mind must penetrate and circumscribe 
 'The deep, connecting intimacy of 
 Those strange, mysterious occurrences 
 Which sometimes most abruptly introduce 
 Themselves into life's moving sceneries, 
 And like a mighty engine, acting in 
 The centre of the grand machinery 
 Of earth's events, produce those features which 
 Will form the data for all future time." 
 
 But one thing surprises me painfully. Can it be that 
 Eliza, the venerable Eve of the temple, indulges in the 
 vicious habit of smoking ? She sings : 
 
 " We'd better live in tents and smoke 
 Than wear the cursed Gentile yoke, 
 We'd better from our country fly 
 Than by mobocracy to die." 
 
 I am myself an awful smoker, so I can appreciate re- 
 sults of the habit like this : 
 
 " Though we fly from vile aggression, 
 We'll maintain our pure profession, 
 Seek a peaceable possession, 
 Far from Gentiles and oppression." 
 
 Now isn't this just like Milton? It is even finer and 
 older than Hebrew ; it looks exactly like reformed Egypt- 
 ian poetry, translated by peepstone or Urim and Thum- 
 mim, "of which the knowledge has been lost." Read 
 it over again, brother Tullidge, and tell me whether I 
 am wrong, after all. 
 
They Lie and Stick to It. 275 
 
 XVII. 
 
 OLD JOE AND OLD LUCY. 
 
 Mrs. Dr. Horace Eaton, who has resided for thirty-two 
 years in Palmyra, New York, makes the following highly 
 interesting remarks about Lucy Smith : 
 
 " As far as Mormonism was connected with its reputed founder, ; 
 Joseph Smith, always called 'Joe Smith,' it had its origin in the 
 brain and heart of an ignorant, deceitful mother. Joe Smith's mother 
 moved in the lowest walks of life, but she had a kind of mental power, 
 which her son shared. With them both the imagination was the com- 
 manding faculty. It was vain, but vivid. To it were subsidized reason, 
 conscience, truth. Both mother and son were noted for a habit of ex- 
 travagant assertion. They would look a listener full in the eye, and, 
 without confusion or blanching, would fluently improvise startling 
 statements and exciting stones, the warp and woof of which were alike 
 sheer falsehood. Was an inconsistency alluded to, nothing daunted, a 
 subterfuge was always at hand. As one old man, who said to me, 
 * You can't face them down. They'd lie and stick to it.' Many of 
 the noblest specimens of humanity have arisen from a condition of 
 honest poverty ; but few of these from one of dishonest poverty. Mrs. 
 Smith used to go to the houses of the village and do family washings. 
 But if the articles were left to dry upon the lines, and not secured by 
 their owners before midnight, the washer was often the winner and 
 in these nocturnal depredations she was assisted by her boys, who 
 favored in like manner poultry yards and grain bins. Her son Joe 
 never worked save at < chopping bees ' and ' raisings,' and then 
 whiskey was the impetus and the reward. The mother of the high- 
 priest of Mormonism was superstitious to the last degree. The very 
 air she breathed was inhabited by ' familiar spirits that peeped and 
 wizards that muttered.' She turned many a penny by tracing in the 
 lines of the open palm the fortunes of the inquirer. All ominous signs 
 were heeded. No work was commenced on Friday. The moon over 
 the left shoulder portended calamity ; the breaking of a mirror, death. 
 Even in the old Green Mountain State, before the family emigrated to 
 the Genesee country (the then West), Mrs. Smith's mind was made up 
 that one of her sons should be a prophet. The weak father agreed 
 with her that Joseph was the "genus" of their nine children. So it 
 was established that Joseph should be the prophet. To such an ex- 
 tent did the mother impress this idea upon the boy, that all the instincts 
 of childhood were restrained. He rarely smiled or laughed. ' His 
 looks and thoughts were always downward bent.' He never indulged 
 in the demonstrations of fun, since they would not be in keeping with 
 the profound dignity of his allotted vocation. His mother inspired 
 
276 Mormon Portraits. /. Sidelights. 
 
 and aided him in every scheme of duplicity and cunning. All 
 acquainted with the facts agree in saying that the evil spirit of Mor- 
 monism dwelt first in Joe Smith's mother. 
 
 " Bad books had much to do with the origin of Mormonism. Joe 
 Smith could read. He could not write. His two standard volumes 
 were ' The Life of Stephen Burroughs,' the clerical scoundrel, and 
 the autobiography of Capt. Kidd, the pirate. This latter work was 
 eagerly and often perused. There was a fascination to him in the 
 charmed lines : 
 
 " My name was Robert Kidd, 
 t As I sailed, as I sailed, 
 
 And most wickedly I did, 
 And God's laws I did forbid, 
 As I sailed, as I sailed." 
 
 Dr. Mclntyre, who was, according to old Lucy, " the 
 family physician" of the Smiths, testifies that Joseph 
 Smith, Senior, was a drunkard, a liar * and a thief, and 
 his house a perfect brothel. The new Abraham ran a lit- 
 tle beer shop (with peanuts) in Palmyra, for a year or two, 
 and then "squatted" on a piece of land belonging to 
 some minor heirs. The Smiths did but little in the way of 
 clearing, fencing and tilling. Their farming was done in 
 a slovenly, half-way, profitless manner. They made a 
 living by selling cord-wood, black ash baskets, birch 
 brooms, maple sugar and cakes and root beer on public 
 days. Most of the time of the boys was spent in trapping 
 musk rats, fishing, hunting, digging out wood-chucks and 
 loafing around stores and shops in the village. It was 
 observed by all that Joseph was always the leader in enter- 
 prises of this kind, but never did any of the real work 
 himself. As money-digger he observed the same comfort- 
 able rule. 
 
 * Purley Chase, brother of Willard, of Palmyra, New York, in a 
 letter dated Rollin, Mich., April 3d, 1879, says: "When Smith first 
 told of getting the book of plates he said it would tell him how to get 
 hidden treasures in the earth ; and his father, soon after they got the 
 plates, came in to my mother's one morning, just after breakfast, and 
 told that Joe had a book and that it would tell him how to get money 
 that was buried in the ground, and that he also found a pair of EYE- 
 GLASSES on the book by which he could interpret it, and that the glass- 
 es were as big as a breakfast plate ; and he said that if the angel Ga- 
 briel should come down and tell him he could not get this hidden 
 treasure, HE WOULD TELL HIM HE WAS A LIAR." 
 
Speak No Evil of the Prophet. 277 
 
 XVIII. 
 
 NAUVOO CITY ORDINANCES. 
 
 The following very liberal-sounding ordinance is the 
 one alluded to in the Expositor (Seep. 157). It may 
 not look at first sight as a means of abridging the freedom 
 of speech, but its vague expressions make it only too easy 
 to use it as such, and a city council like the one we have 
 seen in operation would surely not hesitate to punish, ac- 
 cording to it, all offenders who dared to speak evil of the 
 prophet or any member of the priesthood. Here is the 
 ordinance : 
 
 " Be it ordained by the city council of the City of Nauvoo, that 
 the Catholics, Presbyterians, Methodists, Baptists, Latter-Day Saints, 
 Quakers, Episcopalians, Universalists, Unitarians, Mohammedans, 
 and all other religious sects and denominations whatever, shall have 
 toleration and equal privileges in this city ; and should any person be 
 
 guilty Of RIDICULING, ABUSING OR OTHERWISE DEPRECIATING another, 
 
 in consequence of his religion, or of disturbing or interrupting any 
 religious meeting within the limits of this city, he shall, on conviction 
 thereof before the Mayor, or Municipal Court, be considered a dis- 
 turber of the public peace and fined in any sum not exceeding five 
 hundred dollars, or imprisonment not exceeding six months, or both, 
 a.t the discretion of said Mayor or Court. Passed March I, 1841. 
 
 JOHN C. BENNETT, Mayor. 
 JAMES SLOAN, Recorder. 
 
 I quote now from " an act to incorporate the city of 
 Nauvoo," drafted by Dr. Bennett. He was sent as dele- 
 gate to Springfield, to urge the passage of the act through 
 the legislature, and he succeeded easily by promising 
 Mormon support to the leaders of both political parties : 
 
 Sec. ii. The City Council shall have power and authority to 
 make, ordain, establish and execute all such ordinances, NOT REPUG- 
 NANT TO THE CONSTITUTION OF THE UNITED STATES, OR OF THIS 
 STATE, as tbley may deem necessary for the peace, benefit, good order, 
 regulation, convenience and cleanliness of said city ..." 
 
 It is well known how the Mormon casuists interpreted 
 this section. The city could, according to them, pass no 
 ordinances repugnant to the Constitution of the United 
 
278 Mormon Portraits. /. Sidelights. 
 
 States or the State of Illinois, but it could ordain things 
 repugnant to the LAWS of both ! 
 
 Sec. 1 6. The Mayor and Aldermen shall be conservators of the 
 peace within the limits of said city, and shall have all the powers of 
 Justices of the Peace therein, both in civil and criminal cases arising 
 under the LAWS OF THE STATE. 
 
 Sec. 17. The Mayor shall have exclusive jurisdiction in all 
 cases arising under the ordinances of the corporation ; appeals may 
 be had from any decision or judgment of said Mayor or Aldermen, 
 arising under the ordinances of the corporation ; appeals may be had 
 from any decision or judgment of said Mayor or Aldermen, arising 
 under the city ordinances, to the MUNICIPAL COURT, which shall be 
 composed of the Mayor as Chief Justice and the Aldermen as Asso- 
 ciate Justices. . . The Municipal Court shall have power to grant 
 WRITS OF HABEAS CORPUS under the ordinances of the City Council. 
 
 If the prophet has wronged you as mayor, he will set 
 you all right as " chief justice " of the Municipal Court, no 
 doubt. Now comes the Nauvoo " University :" 
 
 Sec. 24. The City Council may establish and organize an insti- 
 tution of learning within the limits of the city, for the teaching of the 
 arts, sciences and learned professions, to be called the " University 
 of the City of Nauvoo," which institution shall be under the control 
 and management of a board of trustees, consisting of a Chancellor, 
 Registrar and twenty-three Regents, etc. 
 
 After the sciences and arts of peace, the frowning of 
 Mars : 
 
 Sec. 25. The City Council may organize the inhabitants of said 
 city, subject to military duty, into a body of INDEPENDENT military 
 men to be called the NAUVOO LEGION, the Court Martial of which 
 shall be composed of the commissioned officers of said Legion and 
 constitute the law-making department, with full powers and authority 
 to make, ordain, establish and execute all such laws and ordinances as 
 may be considered necessary for the benefit, government and regu- 
 lation of said Legion; Provided, said Court Martial shall pass no law 
 or act repugnant to or inconsistent with the Constitution of the United 
 States or of this State. . . Said Legion shall perform the same 
 amount of military duty as is now or may be hereafter required of the 
 regular militia of the State, and shall be at the disposal of the MAYOR 
 in executing the laws and ordinances of the city corporation and the 
 laws of the State, and at the disposal of the Governor for the public 
 defense, and the execution of the laws of the State or of the United 
 States, and shall be entitled to their proportion of the PUBLIC ARMS : 
 and Provided, also, that said Legion shall be EXEMPT FROM ALL 
 
 OTHER MILITARY DUTY. 
 
The Nauvoo Legion Absolutely Independent. 279 
 
 It is very interesting to see how Joseph interpreted 
 this section of the city charter. Says he, in a "general 
 order," dated May 4, 1841 : 
 
 " The officers and privates belonging to the Legion 
 are exempt from all military duty not required by the 
 legally constituted authorities thereof. They are, there- 
 fore, expressly inhibited from performing any military 
 .services not ordered by the general officers or directed by 
 the court martial." 
 
 Joseph based this impudent interpretation on the 
 opinion of Senator S. A. Douglas, the " able and pro- 
 found jurist, politician and statesman," from which I 
 quote the following, to show how the demagogues of the 
 time tried to help the new Mahomet in his schemes : 
 
 " I have examined so much of the Nauvoo city charter and legis- 
 lative acts as relate to the Nauvoo Legion, and am clearly of opinion 
 that any citizen of Hancock County who may attach himself to the 
 Nauvoo Legion has all the privileges which appertain to that INDE- 
 PENDENT military body, and is exempt from all other military duty, 
 and cannot, therefore, be fined by any military or civil court for neg- 
 lecting or refusing to parade with any other military body, or under 
 the command of any officers who are not attached to the Legion." 
 
 You see that a city charter like this is a grand shield in 
 the hands of unscrupulous men. But it was found to be 
 too weak a protection for Joseph and his friends. It had 
 been approved by Governor Carlin, December, 16, 1840. 
 About eighteen months later the prophet's city council 
 passed the following 
 
 ORDINANCE 
 
 Regulating the mode of proceeding in cases of habeas corpus ', before 
 
 the Municipal Court : 
 
 Sec. i. Be it ordained by the City Council of the city of Nau- 
 voo, that in all cases where any person or persons shall at any time 
 hereafter be arrested or under arrest, in this city, under ANY WRIT OR 
 PROCESS ; and shall be brought before the Municipal Court of this city, 
 by virtue of a writ of habeas corpus, the Court shall in EVERY such 
 case have power and authority and are hereby required to examine 
 into the ORIGIN, VALIDITY and LEGALITY of the writ or process 
 under which such arrest was made, and if it shall appear to the Court, 
 upon sufficient testimony, that said writ or process was ILLEGALLY OR 
 NOT LEGALLY issued, or did not proceed from proper authority, then 
 the Court shall DISCHARGE the prisoner from under said arrest ; but if 
 
280 Mormon Portraits. 7. Sidelights. 
 
 it shall appear to the Court that said writ or process had issued from 
 proper authority, and was a legal process, the Court shall then PRb- 
 
 CEED AND FULLY HEAR THE MERITS OF THE CASE upon which such 
 
 arrest was made, upon such evidence as may be produced and sworn 
 before said Court, and shall have power to adjourn the hearing from 
 time to time in their DISCRETION . . " 
 
 Sec. 2. And be it further ordained, that if upon investigation it 
 shall be proven before the Municipal Court, that the writ or process 
 has been issued either through private pique, malicious intent, religious 
 or other persecution, falsehood or misrepresentation, contrary to the 
 Constitution of the State, or of the U. S., the said writ or process shall 
 be quashed and considered of no force or effect, and the prisoner or 
 prisoners shall be released and discharged. therefrom. 
 
 Sec. 3. And be it also further ordained, that in the absence r 
 sickness, debility or other circumstances disqualifying or preventing 
 the Mayor from officiating in his office as Chief Justice of the Muni- 
 cipal Court, the aldermen present shall appoint .one from amongst 
 them to act as Chief Justice pro tempore. 
 
 Sec. 4. This ordinance to take effect, and' be in force, from and 
 after its passage. 
 
 HYRUM SMITH, 
 
 Vice Mayor and President pro tempore* 
 JAMES SLOAN, 
 
 Recorder. 
 
 Passed, August 8, 1842. 
 
 This is as comfortable in the line of justice as Mor- 
 monism is in the line of religion. If Brigham or Kimball 
 get arrested they are brought before His Honor Joe, and 
 if Joe is arrested, they bring him before Hyrum, Brigham 
 or Kimball, and those learned justices look into the merits 
 of the case and discharge the prisoner. They seal, or- 
 dain, anoint, bless, consecrate, marry, divorce anpl dis- 
 charge each other. The wicked Gentiles of Illinois had 
 smelt a rat for a good while, but now* the smell became 
 rather too distinct. Said the Sangamo Journal of Sept. 
 2, 1842 : 
 
 " We copy the above ordinance in order to show our readers the 
 barefaced effrontery with which the holy brotherhood at Nauvoo set at 
 defiance the civil authorities of the State. No man having claims to 
 even an ordinary share of common sense can ever believe that there 
 is the least shadow of authority in the City Council of Nauvoo to pass 
 such an ordinance as the above ; indeed the Legislature of this State 
 has not the power to do it. The City Charter gives to the Municipal 
 Court power to issue writs of Habeas Corpus. Evidently this power 
 is only granted in reference to cases of arrest under the municipal 
 
The Goodwins and Nelsons 0/1842. 281 
 
 laws and, by the most latitudinarian construction, cannot be made to 
 extend to cases of an arrest under the LAWS OF THE STATE, but this 
 Mormon ordinance not only extends to ALL cases of arrest, but sets 
 the LAWS OF THE UNITED STATES at defiance, by giving authority to 
 the Municipal Court to enquire into the CAUSES of the arrest a power 
 which even the Legislature of the State cannot confer. 
 
 " By the Constitution and the laws of the U. S., the governor of 
 this State is bound to deliver up fugitives from justice on the requisi- 
 tion of the governor of any other State ; and the judiciary of this State 
 have no right to enquire, under any circumstances, into anything fur- 
 ther than the sufficiency of the writ on which the arrest is made. If 
 this is in due form and properly served, there is no power for any 
 tribunal in this State to make any further inquiry. The guilt or inno- 
 cence of the accused must be determined by the courts of the State 
 from whence the requisition issued, and any court of law which insti- 
 tutes any inquiry of this nature oversteps the boundaries of its juris- 
 diction and openly sets at defiance the laws of the land. 
 
 " Jf these things are suffered to pass unheeded by the authorities of 
 the State, who is safe whether in person or property? A Mormon 
 cut-throat may take the life of one of our citizens and, returning to the 
 City of the Saints, set at defiance the laws of the land. We believe 
 that the Mormon Church is just such a body as can be shelter to every 
 blackleg, cut-throat or horse-thief, who chooses to take refuge amongst 
 them. While under the protection of Joe, who can harm them ? 
 What means has an officer of either discovering or arresting a man 
 held by a band who regard the law of the land as secondary to the 
 commands of their prophet? " 
 
 All this abuse comes from not understanding the value 
 of Mormon pearls. Was this ordinance not given, like 
 all other revelations, for the holiest of purposes? Who cares 
 for the technical niceties of the law of Illinois or the United 
 States, when the Kingdom of God has to be established ? 
 The above article was written by an " infernal scoundrel" 
 of the Goodwin or Nelson type, just to please the wicked, 
 who, at that very moment, were charging the prophet and 
 brother Rockwell with an attempt, on the life of Governor 
 Boggs. Only the wicked can believe that the above or- 
 dinanc'e, passed three months after the attempt of assassi- 
 nation, was just the thing to shield my servant Joseph 
 and Elder Rockwell from the "corrupt officers" of Mis- 
 souri. Yes, only the ungodly could believe such hell- 
 devised slanders. Was not Joseph the man "who inspir- 
 ed the whole with an archangel's genius,"* his hotel, his 
 
 *Tullidge, Joseph, p. 108. 
 
282 Mormon Portraits. /. Sidelights. 
 
 store, his bank, his harem, the Municipal Court, the Dan- 
 ites, and all the rest of it ? 
 
 XIX. 
 
 NAUVOO CITY OFFICERS. 
 
 Mayor : John C. Bennett ; Recorder : James Sloan; 
 Attorney : Sidney Rigdon ; Notary Public : E. Robinson ; 
 Marshal: H. G. Sherwood; Marshal ad interim : D. B. 
 Huntington ; Treasurer: John S. Fulmer; Siirveyor : A. 
 Ripley ; Assessor and Collector : Lewis Robison ; Super- 
 visor of Streets : James Allred ; Weigher and Sealer : The- 
 odore Turley ; Market Master : Stephen Markham ; Sex- 
 ton : W. D. Huntington. 
 
 FIRST WARD. 
 
 Aldermen: Samuel H. Smith, Hiram Kimball ; Coun- 
 cilors : John P. Green, Vinson Knight, Orson Pratt, Wil- 
 lard Richards; High Constable: D. B. Huntington. 
 
 SECOND WARD. 
 
 Aldermen-: N. K. Whitney, Orson Spencer; Council- 
 ors : Hyrum Smith, Lyman Wight, Wilford Woodruff, 
 John Taylor ; High Constable : George Morey. 
 
 THIRD WARD. 
 
 ' Aldermen: Daniel H. Wells, Gustavus Hills; Council- 
 ors : John T. Barnett, C. C. Rich, Hugh McFall, H. C. 
 Kimball ; High Constable : Lewis Robison. 
 
 FOURTH WARD. 
 
 Aldermen : William Marks, George W. Harris ; Coun- 
 cilors : Joseph Smith, Wilson Law, Brigham Young, Wil- 
 liam Law; High Constable : W. D. Huntington. 
 
 The City Council consists of the Mayor, Aldermen 
 
Chief Justices, Chancellors, Professors, Reverends. 283 
 
 and Councilors, and sits on the first and third Saturday of 
 every month, commencing at 6 o'clock, p. m. 
 
 MUNICIPAL COURT. 
 
 Chief Justice : John C. Bennett ; Associate Justices : 
 Samuel H. Smith, Hiram Kimball, N. K. Whitney, Orson 
 Spencer, Daniel H. Wells, Gustavus Hills, William Marks, 
 George W. Harris; Clerk: James Sloan. 
 
 The Municipal Court sits on the first Monday in every 
 month, commencing at 10 o'clock, a. m. 
 
 MAYOR'S COURT. 
 
 This is the Criminal Court of the city, and sits at such 
 times as the business of the city requires, the Mayor presi- 
 ding. 
 
 {Times and Seasons, Vol. III., p. 638.) 
 
 XX. 
 
 THE NAUVOO UNIVERSITY. 
 
 BOARD OF REGENTS. 
 
 Chancellor: Gen. John C. Bennett, M. D. ; Registrar : 
 Gen. William Law; Regents : Gen. Joseph Smith, Sidney 
 Rigdon, Esq., Attorney-at-law, Gen. Hyrum Smith, Rev. 
 William Marks, Rev. Samuel H. Smith, Daniel H. Wells, 
 Esq., Bishop N. K. Whitney, Gen. Charles C. Rich, Capt. 
 John T. Barnett, Gen. Wilson Law, Rev. John P. Greene, 
 Bishop Vinson Knight, Isaac Galland, M. D., Judge Elias 
 Higbee, Rev. Robert D. Foster, M. D., Judge James 
 Adams, Rev. Samuel Bennett, M. D., Ebenezer Robinson, 
 Esq., Rev. John Snider, Rt. Rev. George Miller, Zenos 
 M. Knight, M. D., Rev. John Taylor and Rev. Heber C. 
 Kimball. 
 
284 Mormon Portraits. J. Sidelights. 
 
 FACULTY. 
 
 James Kelly, A. M., President; Orson Pratt, A. M., 
 Professor of Mathematics and English Literature; 
 Orson Spencer, A. M., Professor of Languages ; Sidney 
 Rigdon, D. D., Professor of Church History. 
 
 PROFESSOR ORSON PRATT. 
 SCHOOL WARDENS FOR COMMON SCHOOLS. 
 
 Wardens of First Ward: John P. Greene, N. K. Whit- 
 ney, A. Morrison. 
 
 Wardens of Second Ward: C. C. Rich, Wilson Law, 
 Elias Higbee. 
 
 Wardens of Third Ward: Daniel H. Wells, R. D. 
 Foster, S. Winchester. 
 
 Wardens of Fourth Ward : Vinson Knight, William 
 Law, E. Robinson. 
 
 So they are A. M., D. D., Professors, Chancellors, 
 
Generals, Colonels, Majors, Captains. 285 
 
 Presidents, Reverends and Right Reverends, a whole col- 
 lection of "self-made" titles. Let me give a decree of 
 mighty Chancellor Bennett, dated August 10, 1841 : 
 
 " The Regents of the University of the City of Nauvoo will con- 
 vene at the office of General Joseph Smith on Saturday, Sept. 4, at 
 half past ten o'clock, A. M., for the transaction of important business. 
 Punctual attendance is requested. 
 
 " The Department of English Literature is now in successful op- 
 eration under the supervision of Professor Orson Pratt a gentleman 
 of varied knowledge and extensive acquirements, who is admirably qual- 
 ified for the full execution of the high trust reposed in him, as an 
 able and accomplished teacher. In this department a general course 
 of mathematics, including Arithmetic, Algebra, Geometry, Conic Sec- 
 tions, Plane Trigonometry, Mensuration, Surveying, Navigation, 
 Analytical, Plane and Spherical Trigonometry, Analytical Geometry 
 and the Differential and Integral Calculus : Philosophy ; Astron- 
 omy ; Chemistry ; etc. etc., will be extensively taught. 
 
 " Tuition: Five Dollars per quarter, payable semi-quarterly, in 
 advance." 
 
 JOHN C. BENNETT, 
 
 Chancellor. 
 WILLIAM LAW, 
 Registrar. 
 
 XXI. 
 
 THE NAUVOO LEGION. 
 
 In Napoleon Bennett's time the Nauvoo Legion com- 
 prised "between two and three thousand well-disciplined 
 troops." It was divided in two cohorts or brigades, and 
 these cohorts subdivided into regiments, battalions and 
 companies. The organization was intended to represent 
 a Roman Legion. Bennett gives the following names " of 
 a few of the most accomplished, brave and efficient of the 
 corps : ' ' 
 
 GENERALS : George W. Robinson, Charles C. Rich, 
 Davison Hibard, Hiram Kimball, W. P. Lyon, A. P. 
 Rockwood. To this list add Generals Joseph and Hy- 
 rum, William and Wilson Law and Gen. Bennett, and you 
 have the truly imposing array of eleven generals. Rever- 
 
286 Mormon Portraits. /. Sidelights. 
 
 end, Doctor Sidney Rigdon, attorney-at-law and post- 
 master, I think might have been permitted to make the 
 full dozen. He had always blood in his eye. John D. 
 Lee was Major in the Legion. 
 
 MAJOR JOHN D. LEE. 
 
 COLONELS : John F. Weld, Orson Pratt, Francis M. 
 Higbee, Carlos Gove, Chauncey L. Higbee, James Sloan, 
 George Schindle, Amasa Lyman, D. B. Smith, George 
 Coulson, Alexander McRae, Jacob B. Backenstos, L. 
 Woodworth thirteen colonels. 
 
 CAPTAINS: C. M. Kreymyer, Darwin Chase, John 
 F. Olney, Justus Morse, William M. Allred, L. N. Scovil, 
 Charles Allen, Marcellus Bates, Samuel Hicks nine 
 captains. 
 
 But those are only a few of the bravest, you see. 
 Bennett doesn't name General Robert D. Foster, who is a 
 pet aversion of his. so the real number of generals is an 
 exact dozen. I extract now from "Ordinance No. i" 
 of the Court Martial of said Legion the following interest- 
 ing sections : 
 
 Sec. 2. That from and after the I5th day of April next, it shall 
 be the DUTY of every white male inhabitant of the city of Nauvoo, 
 between eighteen and forty-five years of age, to enroll himself in some 
 company of the Legion, by reporting himself to the captain thereof, 
 within fifteen days ; and every person neglecting or refusing to do so 
 shall, on conviction thereof before a regular court martial, forfeit and 
 pay the sum of one dollar for every subsequent fifteen days' neglect. 
 
No Exemption from Military Duty. 287 
 
 Sec. 4. That no person whatever, residing within the limits of 
 the city of Nauvoo, of fifteen days' residence; between the ages of 
 eighteen and forty-five years, excepting such as are exempted by the 
 United States, shall be exempt from military duty, unless exempted 
 by a special act of the Court Martial of the Legion, or a certificate of 
 inability, under oath, signed by the Lieutenant- General, countersigned 
 by the Surgeon-General, and recorded by the Major-General's WAR 
 SECRETARY. 
 
 Sec 7. The staff of the Lieutenant- General shall consist of an 
 Inspector-General with the rank of Major-General, a Drill officer, a 
 Judge Advocate, and four Aids- de-camp, and a Herald and Armor- 
 Bearer, with the rank of Captain. 
 
 Sec. 8. The staff of the Major-General shall consist of an Ad- 
 jutant-General, a Surgeon-General, a Cornet, a Quarter-Master-Gen- 
 eral, a Commissary-General, a Pay- Master- General, a Chaplain, two 
 Assistant Inspectors-General, four Aids-de-camp, and a War Secretary, 
 with the rank of Colonel; a Quarter- Master, Sergeant, Sergeant- 
 Major, a Chief Musician, with the rank of Major; and four Musicians, 
 and a Herald and Armor-Bearer, with the rank of Captain. 
 
 Sec. 9. The staff of each Brigadier-General shall consist of two 
 Aids-de camp, an Assistant Quarter-Master-General, an Assistant 
 Commissary-General, and a Surgeon, with the rank of Lieutenant- 
 Colonel; six Assistant Captains, with the rank of Major; and a 
 Herald and Armor-Bearer, with the rank of Captain. 
 
 Sec. 10. The staff of each Colonel shall consist of an Adjutant, 
 and a Quarter- Master- Sergeant and a Sergeant- Major, with the rank 
 of Captain. 
 
 Sec. II. Each Regiment shall be officered with a Colonel, a 
 Lieutenant-Colonel, a Major and a company officer. 
 
 Sec. 12. Each company shall be officered with a Captain, three 
 Lieutenants, five Sergeants, one Pioneer and four Corporals. 
 
 Sec. 13.. The Lieutenant-General and the Major-General may, 
 by their joint act, grant brevet commissions to such persons as may 
 merit appointment and promotion at their hands. 
 
 Passed March 12, 1842. 
 
 JOSEPH SMITH, 
 Lieutenant-General and President of the Court Martial. 
 
 JOHN C. BENNETT, 
 Major-General and Secretary of the Court Martial. 
 
288 Mormon Portraits. /. Sidelights. 
 
 XXII. 
 
 MISS NANCY RIGDON. 
 
 Dr. Bennett tells of Joe's attempt upon Nancy in his 
 usual "Pistol" style. The facts themselves will not be 
 doubted by the reader, after all he has heard of the Nau- 
 voo Don Juan ; they are, besides, warranted to be true by 
 the testimony of Mrs. Pratt, who knew Nancy intimately 
 and says that she was a very good, virtuous girl, and that 
 Bennett's tale is true in all essential points. The main 
 facts are as follows : 
 
 It was in the summer of 1841. Joe and Bennett were 
 out riding over the lawn. Says the prophet to his bosom 
 friend: " If you will assist me in procuring Nancy as one 
 of my spiritual wives, I will give you five hundred dollars, 
 or the best lot on Main street." Bennett, who was on 
 very intimate terms with Rigdon and his family, refused. 
 " But," said Joe, " the Lord has given her to me to wife. 
 I have the blessings of Jacob, and there is no wickedness 
 in it. It would be wickedness to approach her unless I 
 had permission of the Lord ; but as it is, it is as correct 
 as to have a legal wife in a moral point of view." Joseph 
 persisted in his plans, aided in their execution by two re- 
 liable friends, a Mrs. Hyde and Apostle Willard Richards. 
 Dr. Bennett tried in vain to make Joe consider his obli- 
 gations as a Master Mason: " Joseph, you are a Master 
 Mason and Nancy is a Master Mason's daughter (like 
 Mrs. Pratt); so stay your hand, or you will get into 
 trouble." 
 
 Still Joe persisted, but Bennett warned the daughter 
 of his friend. So Nancy was prepared when Joseph took 
 her to the little celestial business office. The prophet 
 locked the door, swore her to secrecy, and told her that 
 she had long been the idol of his affections and that he 
 had asked the Lord for her, but that if she had any scru- 
 ples on the subject, he would marry her immediately ; 
 that this would not prevent her from marrying any other per- 
 
Serpent Joe Be slimes Nancy. 289 
 
 son, and that all was lawful and right before God. * He 
 then attempted to kiss her and desired her to kiss him. 
 Nancy flew in a rage. She told the prophet she would 
 alarm the neighborhood if he did not open the door and 
 let her out immediately. In a day or two afterwards 
 .apostle Richards handed Nancy a letter from the prophet, 
 written by Richards from Joe's dictation, and requested 
 her to burn it after reading. This letter is a perfect gem 
 in the line of oily rascal sophistry : 
 
 " Happiness is the object and design of our existence and will be 
 the end thereof, if we pursue the path that leads to it ; and this path is 
 virtue, uprightness, faithfulness, holiness, and keeping all the com- 
 mandments of God ; but we cannot keep all the commandments with- 
 out first knowing them, and we cannot expect to know all unless we 
 comply with or keep those we have already received. That which is 
 wrong under one circumstance may be and often is right under an- 
 other. God said, Thou shalt not kill ; at another time He said, Thou 
 shalt utterly destroy. This is the principle on which the Government 
 of Heaven is conducted, by revelation adapted to the circumstances 
 in which the children of the Kingdom are placed. Whatever God 
 requires is right, no matter what it is, although we may not see the 
 reason thereof till long after the events transpire. If we seek first the 
 Kingdom of God, all good things will be added. So with Solomon : 
 first he asked wisdom, and God gave it him, and with it every desire 
 of his heart, even things which might be considered abominable to all 
 who understand the order of Heaven only in part, but which in real- 
 ity were right, because God gave and sanctioned them by SPECIAL REVE- 
 LATION, A parent may whip a child, and justly too, because he stole 
 an apple, whereas, if the child had asked for the apple and the parent 
 had given it, the child would have eaten it with a better appetite ; 
 there would have been no stripes ; all the pleasures of the apple would 
 have been secured, all the misery of stealing lost. This principle will 
 justly apply to all of God's dealings with His children. EVERYTHING 
 THAT GOD GIVES us is LAWFUL AND RIGHT, and it is proper that we 
 shall ENJOY His gifts and blessings, whenever and wherever He is 
 disposed to bestow, but if we should seize upon those same blessings 
 and enjoyments without law, without revelation, without command- 
 ment, those blessings and enjoyments would prove cursings and vexa- 
 tions in the end and we should have to lie down in sorrow and wail- 
 ings of everlasting regret. But in obedience there is joy and peace 
 unspotted, unalloyed ; and as God has designed our happiness He 
 never has, He never will institute an ordinance or give a command- 
 
 * " After the death of Joseph, Brigham Young told me that Joseph's 
 time on earth was short, and that the Lord allowed him privileges 
 that we could not have." [Lee, Confession, p. 147.] 
 
2 9 Mormon Portraits. /. Sidelights. 
 
 ment to His people that is not calculated in its nature to promote the 
 happiness which He has designed and which will not end in the great- 
 est amount of good and glory to those who become the recipients of 
 His laws and ordinances. Blessings offered, but rejected, are no 
 longer blessings, but become like the talent hid in the earth by the 
 wicked and slothful servant. Our Heavenly Father is more liberal 
 in His vieivs and boundless in His mercies and blessings, than we are 
 ready to believe or receive; He will be inquired of by His children ; 
 He says, ask ye and ye shall receive, seek ye and ye shall find; but if 
 you will take that which is not your own, or which I have not given 
 you, you shall be rewarded according to your deeds; but no good thing 
 will I withhold from them who walk uprightly before Me and do My 
 will in all things, who will listen to My voice and to the voice of My 
 servant, whom I have sent ; for I delight in those who seek diligently 
 to know My precepts and abide in the LAW OF MY KINGDOM ; for all 
 things shall be made known unto them in Mine own due time and in 
 the end they shall have joy." 
 
 I don't want anybody's testimony that this letter* is 
 genuine ; I feel it in every line, comparing it with Hyrum's 
 Jesuitical letter about the mysteries of the kingdom, the 
 revelation on celestial marriage, the affidavits of Wm. 
 Clayton, and other products of this holy-oil-refinery, 
 Joe, Brigham and Kimball crawl up just in the same slimy 
 path to the proud virtue of Martha Brotherton. It is the 
 most disgusting TartufTe business ever witnessed and Mo- 
 liere would have made the greatest of his comedies out of 
 it, had he lived in the Illinois Sodom. 
 
 The sequel of the story is well told in a letter from 
 George W. Robinson, who was a very decent man accord- 
 ing to Mrs. Pratt. Says he : 
 
 " Nancy repulsed him and left him with disgust. She came home 
 and told her father [Sidney Rigdon] of the transaction, upon which 
 Smith was sent for. He came. She told her tale in the presence of 
 all her family and to Smith's face. / was present. Smith attempted to 
 deny it at first and face her down with the lie ; but she told the facts 
 
 * I am informed that on receiving Joe's letter from post boy, 
 Apostle Richards, Nancy requested him to wait, while she retired to 
 peruse it in secret. The patient doctor having waited an hour Nancy 
 came back to him, letter in hand. She pretended to give it back, but 
 with a sudden movement tore it to pieces and flung it into the stove. 
 But she had in her retirement carefully copied it, and the next that was 
 heard of it was in the columns of the Warsaw "Signal" to the utter 
 dismay of the prophet. 
 
Nancy Calls Joe a " Cursed Liar" 291 
 
 with so much earnestness, and the fact of a letter being present, 
 which he had caused to be written to her and which he had fondly 
 hoped was destroyed all came with such force that he could not with- 
 stand the testimony ; and he then and there acknowledged that 
 every word of Miss Rigdon's testimony was true. Now for his ex- 
 cuse which he made for such a base attempt, and for using the name 
 of the Lord in vain on that occasion : He wished to ascertain 
 whether she was virtuous or not, and took that course to learn the 
 facts ! " 
 
 This memorable visit of Joe's in Rigdon's house took 
 place in June, 1841. High Priest George Miller, who 
 was present when Nancy called the Lord's prophet a 
 "cursed liar," screamed at the top of his voice: " You 
 must not harm the Lord' 's anointed ; the Lord will not suf- 
 fer his anointed to fall ! ' ' Could Moliere better this ? 
 
 Captain Olney, another decent man who left the 
 church because of Joe's abominations, declared in the 
 Sangamo Journal, Sept. 14, 1842 : 
 
 " I wish to make a public withdrawal from the church of Latter - 
 Day Saints, as I cannot longer consent to remain a member of said 
 church while polygamy, lasciviousness and adultery are practiced by 
 some of its leaders. That crimes of the deepest dye are tolerated and 
 practiced by them cannot be doubted. I have heard the circum- 
 stances of Smith's attack upon Miss Rigdon, from the family as well 
 as from herself; and knowing her to be a young lady who sustains a 
 good moral character, and also of undoubted veracity, I must place 
 implicit confidence in her statement. The facts of Smith's wishing to 
 marry her as a spiritual wife, of his attack upon her virtue, his teach- 
 ings of his having the blessings of Jacob, etc., are TRUE. The letter 
 published, purporting to be from Smith to Miss Rigdon, was not in 
 Smith's handwriting, but in that of Dr. Willard Richards,* who 
 officiated not only as scribe but post boy for the prophet, and who did 
 say that he wrote the letter as dictated by Joseph Smith. George W. 
 Robinson was formerly Joseph's secretary and general Church clerk 
 and recorder, and I have heard Smith say that Robinson was the 
 
 * " Apostle Richards died in Salt Lake, many years afterwards. 
 The quantities of whiskey he could stand were a caution to many 
 a staunch expert in that line. He kept up here relations with mar- 
 ried women to whom he had been sealed in Nauvoo. A choice lot of 
 wives, left by him among his other moveable property, were " married " 
 by a relative of his en bloc. Such a transfer of human cattle is 
 called "proxy-marriage" by Mormon theologians. "Human cattle " 
 is an ugly phrase, but it is Mormon enough, being an echo of Kim- 
 ball's " cows." 
 
292 Mormon Portraits. /. Sidelights. 
 
 bravest man in the Mormon Band and that he (Robinson) had not a 
 drop of cowardly blood in his veins." 
 
 This Nancy story is typical from beginning to end ; 
 but what interests me most in it is that apostolic post boy, 
 Dr. Richards. How eagerly he goes through all the 
 phases of the wretched, holy-lackey-business ! Can you 
 doubt now, reader, that those apostolic slaves felt proud 
 in the shame of their wives and daughters can you fail to 
 see that sin, vice and abomination were never, in all his- 
 tory, so closely united with abject slavery and negation of 
 all that is manly and dignified as in Joe's holy city of 
 Nauvoo ? 
 
 XXIII. 
 
 THE LORD CORRECTS HIMSELF. 
 
 The Bible says God created man after his own image, 
 but it seems rather man creates God after his image. Jo- 
 seph Smith's and Brigham Young's " Lord " is a striking 
 example of it. He has all the low passions of his prophets 
 and even their abominable grammar. But he is " smart " at 
 the same time, just like his prophets. He observes times 
 bad and circumstances and adapts his revelations to them. 
 You have seen the Lord's opinion about marriage in the 
 earlier editions of the Book of Doctrine and Covenants, 
 enjoining monogamy in the strongest terms. You can't 
 find this article in the latest editions of this part of the 
 everlusting gospel. The revelation on celestial marriage, 
 given to Joseph July i2th, 1843, nas taken its place. 
 
 Joseph was Brigham' s original in this as in any other 
 holy trick. Let me give a few examples of the manipula- 
 tions of my servant Joseph : 
 
The Lord Afraid of Gentile Critics. 
 
 2 93 
 
 Book of Commandments for the 
 Government of the Church of 
 Christ, Zion, Jackson County ', 
 Missouri, 1833.* 
 
 " If thou lovest me, thou shalt 
 serve me and keep all my com- 
 mandments; and behold, thou shalt 
 consecrate ALL thy properties, that 
 which thou hast unto me, with a 
 covenant and a deed which cannot 
 be broken ; and they shall be laid 
 before the bishop of my church 
 and two of the elders, such as he 
 shall appoint and set apart for that 
 purpose." 
 
 " And it shall come to pass, that 
 he that sinneth and repenteth not 
 shall be cast out, and SHALL NOT 
 RECEIVE AGAIN that which he has 
 CONSECRATED unto me : For it 
 shall come to pass, that which I 
 spake by the mouths of my prophets 
 shall be fulfilled ; for I will CON- 
 SECRATE THE RICHES OF THE GEN- 
 TILES UNTO MY PEOPLE, which are 
 of the house of Israel." 
 
 "And thou [Emma] needest 
 not fear, for thy husband shall sup- 
 port thee FROM the church." 
 
 " O ! remember [Oliver Cowde- 
 ry] these words and keep my com- 
 mandments. Remember this is 
 your gift. Now this is not all, for 
 you have another gift, which is the 
 
 gift Of WORKING WITH THE ROD; 
 
 behold it has told you things ; be- 
 hold there is no other power save 
 God that can cause this ROD OF 
 
 NATURE TO WORK IN YOUR HANDS, 
 
 for it is the work of God ; and 
 
 Book of Doctrine and Covenants 
 of the Church of Jesus Christ 
 of Latter-day Saints, First 
 Edition, 
 
 " If thou lovest me, thou shalt 
 serve me and keep all my com- 
 mandments. And behold, thou 
 
 wilt REMEMBER THE POOR, and 
 
 consecrate of thy properties for 
 their support that which thou hast 
 to impart unto them with a cove- 
 nant and a deed which cannot be 
 broken ; and inasmuch as ye im- 
 part of your substance unto the 
 poor,^ye will do it unto me, etc." 
 
 " He that sinneth and repenteth 
 not shall be cast out of the church 
 and shall not receive again that 
 which he has CONSECRATED UNTO 
 
 THE POOR AND NEEDY of my 
 
 church, or in other words [!] unto 
 me ; for as much as ye do it unto 
 the least of these ye do it unto 
 me; for I will consecrate of the 
 riches of THOSE WHO EMBRACE MY 
 
 GOSPEL AMONG THE GENTILES un- 
 
 to the poor of my people who are 
 of the house of Israel." 
 
 " And thou needest not fear, for 
 thy husband shall support thee IN 
 the church." 
 
 " O ! remember these words, and 
 keep my commandments. Re- 
 member this is your gift. Now 
 this is not all thy gift; for you 
 have another gift, which is the 
 GIFT OF AARON : behold, it has 
 told you MANY things; behold, 
 there is no other power, save the 
 power of God, that can cause THIS 
 GIFT OF AARON TO BE WITH YOU ; 
 therefore doubt not, for it is the 
 
 * Reprinted by the Salt Lake Tribune in 1884. 
 little volume. 
 
 A most valuable 
 
294 Mormon Portraits. /. Sidelights. 
 
 therefore, whatsoever you shall ask gift of God, and you shall hold it 
 me to tell you by that means, that in your hands and do marvelous 
 will I grant unto you, that you works; and no power shall be able 
 shall know." to take it away out of your hands, 
 
 for it is the work of God." 
 
 You see how the Lord avoids speaking of the rod in 
 his revised edition, the rod of nature that works in Oli- 
 ver's hand. That "rod" gives away too much of the 
 hazel-witch, fortune-telling, and peeping business of the 
 new Abraham and his family. 
 
 "XXIV. 
 
 ^BROTHER BRIGHAM DAMNS SISTER EMMA. 
 
 tf President Young" said in the Tabernacle, in 
 the summer of 1874 : 
 
 "Brother George A. Smith has been reading a little 
 out of the revelation concerning celestial marriage, and I 
 want to say to my sisters that if they lift their heels 
 against this revelation * * you will go to hell just as 
 sure as you are living women. Emma took that revela- 
 tion, supposing she had all there was ; but Joseph had 
 wisdom enough to take care of it, and he had handed the 
 revelation to Bishop Whitney, and he wrote it all off. 
 After Joseph had been to Bishop Whitney's he went home, 
 and Emma began teasing for the revelation. Said she : 
 1 Joseph, you promised me that revelation, and if you are 
 a man of your word, you will give it to me.' Joseph took 
 it from his pocket and said, ' take it.' She went to the 
 fireplace and put it in, and put the candle under it and 
 burnt it, and she thought that was the end of it, and SHE 
 WILL BE DAMNED as sure as she is a living woman. 
 Joseph used to say he would have her hereafter, if he had 
 to go to hell for her, and he will have to go to hell for her 
 s sure as he ever gets her." 
 
David Whitmer 1 s Short- Lived Glory, 295 
 
 XXV. 
 
 D. WHITMER ORDAINED JOSEPH'S SUCCESSOR. 
 
 In view of the independent stand taken by David 
 Whitmer against the Danite craze in 1838 (see p. 191), the 
 following hitherto unpublished fact is very interesting : 
 
 "On the 6th of July, 1834, in Clay County, Mo., 
 Joseph Smith and Frederick G. Williams ordained David 
 Whitmer President of the Stake of Zion, [Missouri]. 
 Then Joe said the time had come when he must point out 
 and ordain his successor. Said he : ' Some have supposed 
 that Oliver Cowdery would be the man, but the Lord has 
 made known to me that David Whitmer is the man/ 
 Joe and Williams then stepped out and ordained David to 
 be ' Prophet, Seer, Revelator and Translator and |Presi- 
 dent of the whole Church ' to be Joe's successor." 
 
 This statement comes from Dr. W. E. McLellin, one 
 of the first twelve Mormon Apostles, who says he was 
 present and saw it done. Joe had taken the cholera and 
 thought he was going to die. 
 
 XXVI. 
 
 THE NAUVOO SERAGLIO. 
 
 After having been the Prophet's alter ego for eighteen 
 months, John C. Bennett exposed him in a book and in 
 public lectures. The book is "a holy terror," but my 
 studies have convinced me that its disclosures are essen- 
 tially true and reliable, and I have no good reason to 
 doubt that part of them where the Doctor treats of the 
 secret regulations introduced by Joe for directing the rela- 
 tions of the sexes. I introduce Bennett's own words : 
 
 " The Mormon Seraglio is very strictly and system- 
 atically organized. It forms a GRAND LODGE, as it were, 
 and is divided into three distinct orders or degrees. 
 
296 Mormon Portraits. 1. Sidelights. 
 
 " i. THE CYPRIAN SAINTS. 
 
 " The members of the Female Relief Society have 
 the power, when they know or even suspect that any 
 Mormon female has, however slightly, lapsed from 
 the straight path of virtue, of bringing her at once 
 before the Inquisition. This body is solemnly organized 
 in secret and select council, and by its members the poor 
 terrified female is questioned and threatened until she 
 confesses the crime she has committed. She is immedi- 
 ately, by the council, pronounced a Cyprian, and is 
 excluded from any further connection with the Relief 
 Society." 
 
 Bennett says that these women, branded as they are by 
 the Relief Society, are at the service of the trustworthy 
 members of the church. 
 
 " 2. THE CHAMBERED SISTERS OF CHARITY. 
 
 
 
 " This order comprises that class of females who in- 
 dulge their propensities, whether married or single, by the 
 express permission of the prophet. Whenever one of the 
 Saints of the male sex becomes enamored of a female 
 and she responds to the feeling, the loving brother goes 
 to Holy Joe and states the case. It makes, by the by, no 
 difference whatever if one or both parties are already pro- 
 vided with conjugal help-mates. The prophet gravely 
 buries his face in his hat, in which lies his peep-stone, 
 and inquires of the Lord what is His will and pleasure in 
 the matter. Sometimes, when Joe wants the woman him- 
 self, an unfavorable answer is given ; but generally the 
 reply permits the parties to follow the bent of their in- 
 clinations, which they do without further ceremony, 
 though with a strict observance of secrecy, on account of 
 the Gentiles. The result of this system is that not in- 
 frequently men having wives of their own are living with 
 other women, and not infrequently with other men's 
 wives. Families are estranged and separated and chil- 
 dren neglected." 
 
 Bennett says that these "Sisters of Charity " were 
 much more numerous than the Cyprian Saints. 
 
But Let No Gentile Know It. 297 
 
 "3. THE CONSECRATEES OF THE CLOISTER. 
 
 " This degree, also called Cloistered Saints, is composed 
 of females, whether married or unmarried, who, by an ex- 
 press grant and gift of God, through his prophet, are set 
 apart and consecrated for the benefit of particular indi- 
 viduals, as SECRET SPIRITUAL WIVES. They are accounted 
 the special favorites of Heaven, and the most honorable 
 among the daughters of Jacob. Their spiritual husbands 
 are altogether from among the most eminent members of 
 the Mormon church. This is the highest degree in the 
 Harem and is held as the very acme of perfection. Its 
 ranks are filled up in the following manner : When an 
 apostle, high priest or elder conceives an affection for a 
 female and he has satisfactorily ascertained that she ex- 
 periences a mutual flame, he communicates confidentially 
 to the prophet his affaire de coeur, and requests him to " in- 
 quire of the Lord whether or not it would be proper for 
 him to take unto himself the said woman for his spiritual 
 wife.' 1 ' 1 Again, it is no obstacle whatever to this spiritual 
 marriage if one or both parties should happen to have a 
 husband or wife already united to them according to the 
 laws of the land. * The prophet puts this queer question 
 to the Lord, and if he receives an answer in the affirma- 
 tive (which is always the case where the parties are in 
 favor with Joe) the prophet, either in person or by a 
 duly authorized administrator, proceeds to consecrate the 
 sister in the following solemn manner : 
 
 "The parties assemble in the lodge room and place 
 themselves kneeling before the altar. The administra- 
 tor commences the ceremony by saying, 
 
 " You, separately and jointly, in the name of Jesus Christ the Son 
 of God, do solemnly covenant and agree that you will not disclose any 
 matter relating to the sacred act now in progress of consummation, 
 whereby any Gentile shall come to the knowledge of the secret pur- 
 poses of this order, or whereby the Saints may suffer persecution; your 
 lives being the forfeit.' 
 
 "After the bow of assent is given by each of the pair, 
 the administrator then proceeds 
 
 * It is a chief tenet of Mormon theology that no marriages ex- 
 cept those performed by the Mormon priesthood are valid. 
 
298 Mormon Portraits. /. Sidelights. 
 
 " ' In the name of Jesus Christ, and by the authority of the holy 
 priesthood, I now consecrate you and set you apart by the imposition 
 of my hands, as husband and wife, according to the laws of Zion and 
 the will of God our Heavenly Father; for which especial favor you 
 now agree to serve Him with a perfect heart and a willing mind, and 
 to obey His Prophet in all things according to his divine will.' 
 
 "Again the nod of assent is given by the man and 
 woman, and the administrator continues in a solemn and 
 impressive manner 
 
 "'I now anoint you with holy, consecrated oil, in the name of 
 Jesus Christ and by the authority of the holy priesthood, that you may 
 be fully and unreservedly consecrated to each other and to the service 
 of God, and that with affection and fidelity you may nourish and cher- 
 ish each other, so long as you shall continue faithful and true in the 
 fellowship of the Saints; and I now pronounce upon you the blessings 
 of Jacob, whom God honored and protected in the enjoyment of like 
 special favors; and may the peace of Heaven, which passeth all un- 
 derstanding, rest upon you in time and in eternity!' 
 
 "The parties then rise and embrace each other, and 
 the robe of investiture is placed upon and around them by 
 the administrator, who says, 
 
 " ' According to the prototype, I now pronounce you ONE FLESH, 
 in the name of the- Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. 
 Amen.' 
 
 " The robe is then removed, and the parties leave the 
 cloister, with generally a firm belief, at least on the part 
 of the female, in the sacredness and validity of the cere- 
 monial, and thereafter consider themselves as united in 
 SPIRITUAL MARRIAGE, the duties and privileges of which are 
 in no particular different from those of any other marriage 
 covenant. ' ' 
 
 I believe that Bennett helped Joe to organize this fe- 
 male order, and that the bustling little doctor, like Brig- 
 ham Young, Heber C. Kimball, John Taylor and other 
 members of the inner circle, freely availed himself of 
 the blessings of Abraham and Jacob. Until fairly dis- 
 proved I must believe every word of the formula, oaths, 
 etc., given by Joe's accomplice and mentor, Bennett, as 
 above. I find them to be in perfect harmony with the 
 facts, documents and deductions presented in this vol- 
 ume. 
 
Don V Mind Your Dishonor. 299 
 
 The reader feels surely interested in the manner in 
 which Joe and his friends treat that contemptible farce, 
 the Gentile marriage. Joe's liaisons, were, as a rule, con- 
 tracted with MARRIED women. I have given several ex- 
 amples, see pp. 55, 56, 66, 69. Some of the husbands 
 found out very late that their wives had been exalted to 
 the top round of the celestial ladder by tjie great an- 
 nointer ; I quote " Apostles " Ofllbn Hyde and Erastus 
 Snow, the latter of whom is said to have made this 
 refreshing discovery only recently, but who was deep in 
 other people's celestial secrets in Nauvoo, having kept 
 there a house of refuge for celestial brides " in trouble." 
 It has been a principle of this " church," and it is yet for 
 all I know, that it is no good Saint's business to inquire 
 into any doings of a man who has a higher degree of 
 priesthood than himself. He may discover that the priest 
 of high degree is on the most intimate terms with his 
 (the lower priest's) wife never mind ; he has to say to 
 himself: "It is none of my business; I was not able to 
 exalt rny wife ; brother X assures her of a higher degree 
 of glory: the Lord's name be praised ! " I shall give 
 more cases and names pertaining to this matter in 
 Vol. II. of this work, and clinch this little chapter with a 
 few choice remarks on marriage by Brother Brigham, 
 " preached " in 1874 : 
 
 "I have said a number of times, and I will say again to you 
 ladies who want to get a bill of divorce from your husbands, because 
 they do not treat you right, or because you do not exactly like their 
 ways, there is a principle upon which a woman can leave a man, but 
 if the man honors his priesthood it will be pretty hard work for you to 
 get away from him. If he is just and right, serves God and is full of 
 justice, love, mercy and truth, he will have the power that is sealed 
 upon him, and will do what he pleases with you. When you want to 
 get a bill of divorce you had better wait and find out whether the 
 Lord is willing to give you one or not, and not come to me. I tell 
 the brethren and sisters, when they come to me and want a bill of 
 divorce, that I am ready to seal people and administer in the ordi- 
 nances, and they are welcome to my services ; but when they 
 undertake to break the commandments and tear to pieces the doings 
 of the Lord, I make them give me something. I tell a man he has to 
 give me $10 if he wants a divorce. For what? My services? No, 
 for his foolishness. If you want a divorce, give me $io> so that I can 
 
300 Mormon Portraits. /. Sidelights. 
 
 put it down in the book that such a man and such a woman have 
 dissolved partnership. Do you think you have done so when you 
 have obtained a bill of divorce ? No, nor ever can if you are faith- 
 ful to the covenants you have made. It takes a higher power than a 
 bill of divorce to take a woman from a man who is a good man and 
 honors his priesthood IT MUST BE A MAN WHO POSSESSES A HIGHER 
 POWER IN THE PRIESTHOOD, or else the woman is bound to her hus- 
 band, and will be, forever and ever." 
 
 You see the chap anointed with the higher priesthood 
 can "take a woman from a man " and save and exalt 
 her, but nobody else. This opens a grand field, truly, 
 for prophetic and apostolic enterprise. It is a religion, 
 you know, and, as never-lying George Q. Cannon has 
 said and printed so often, "we are the purest people." 
 But to us unregenerated Gentiles and outsiders the whole 
 thing, as from the first secretly taught and practiced by 
 the leaders, will always seem the most consummate and 
 devilish system of prostitution ever masked with the name 
 and pretense of religion, in any epoch, any country ! 
 
 XXVII. 
 
 A LOVE LETTER BY JOSEPH. 
 
 We have heard of Mrs. Emeline White, the tender- 
 hearted lady, who could not stand the sight of a melan- 
 choly steamboat captain (see p. 60). She was the daugh- 
 ter of "General" Davison Hibard, and her sisters were 
 like unto her, exceeding good-hearted. The Hibards 
 lived at Commerce before the saints settled there and re- 
 named the place Nauvoo. They were not vulgar Messa- 
 linas, these Hibard girls, but rather natural-born sisters 
 of charity. They remind one of Jean Jacques Rouss- 
 eau's generous friend, Mrs. Warren. Emeline was one of 
 Joseph's pets. While yet trying to conquer her, he sent 
 her a billet doux, which shows at once the ardor of his 
 passion and his willingness to repay his Dulcinea's affec- 
 tion with the gifts and blessings of the Tithing Store. I 
 
The Tithing- Store Supports the Harem. 301 
 
 would not miss this rich little bit of a document in my 
 collection for anything ; 
 
 " MY SWEET EMELINE. 
 
 " You ^pow that my love for you, as David said to Jonathan, is 
 * wonderful, passing the love of women.' And how can that be? 
 You know it is only figtirative. I mean you have my most supreme 
 affections [Poor Emma!] O that I had yours as truly! May I not 
 hope that it will be so ? At all events, be my friend, my best friend. 
 If you want anything while I am gone, call upon either of the BISH- 
 OPS Vinson Knight or Alanson Ripley and show them the signa- 
 ture of * Old White Hat,' and they will provide for you. Do not be 
 afraid to receive anything from me, and these men are confidential. 
 You need not fear to write me ; and I do assure you that a'few lines 
 would be very consoling on a journey. Sign it ' Rosanna.' " 
 
 " Your humble servant, 
 
 " OLD WHITE HAT." 
 
 Now this is as charming as can be. The lion plays 
 mouse. How condescending in a great Prophet thus to 
 trifle with the divine source of revelation, the Old White 
 Hat. It is Pythia joking about her tripod. I wonder to 
 what high priest, apostle or secretary the billet was dic- 
 tated; probably to Richards or Clayton, though may 
 be to friend Bennett himself. Joe was then absent from 
 Nauvoo, in Springfield, 111., but there was surely some 
 confidential "scribe" with him, such as were always on 
 hand to take down the word of the Lord. ' ' Joseph Smith, ' ' 
 said Emma on her death-bed "could neither write nor 
 dictate a coherent and well-worded letter." Bennett is 
 evidently well posted in this matter, as he speaks of other 
 love-letters addressed by the Prophet to " my sweet Em- 
 eline." 
 
 Well, lam just " foolish " or "corrupt" enough to 
 believe that the letter given above is entirely genuine. I 
 see the prophetic earmarks, especially in the reference to 
 Joe's faithful bishops. Vinson Knight was the wretch who 
 dared to offer Mrs. Pratt his miserable Tithing House 
 truck if she would hearken to the prophet's infamous prop- 
 ositions. It is evident that it was one of Joe's celestial 
 business rules, to offer to his intended victims either pro- 
 visions from the "Lord's storehouse" or free board and 
 lodging in the Lord's " house of boarding." Thus did 
 
302 Mormon Portraits. /. Sidelights. 
 
 this great fisher ofwainen bait his gospel hook ! To illus- 
 trate the prophet's methods further, I quote from an affi- 
 davit of one Mrs. Melissa Schindle,* which I will not 
 needlessly shock my readers by reproducing in full, the 
 following characteristic passage : 
 
 " And Joseph told her, that if she would consent she could make 
 his house her home as long as she wished to do so, and that she would 
 never want for anything it was in his power to assist her to. He then 
 told her that she must never tell of his propositions to her, for he had 
 all influence in that place [Nauvoo], and if she told he would ruin her 
 character and she would be under the necessity of leaving." 
 
 This makes the whole infernal system clearer than ever. 
 Same offers and same threats as used with Mrs. Pratt and so 
 many other intended victims. And apostles, bishops, 
 "lady" friends they are all employees of the grand 
 celestial institution which combines the features of harem 
 and slave market ; while Brigham Young, H. C. Kimball, 
 Willard Richards and a whole group of "ladies," do any 
 service compatible with the character ca$\e&.'jproxenties by 
 the old Greeks. Does it not seem conceived by an "arch- 
 angel's genius," the whole system, but an archangel with 
 a mighty pair of arch-horns? 
 
 I see, now, where you have graduated, Brother Brig- 
 ham : it was at the Nauvoo University of crime and deceit, 
 of secret whisperings, of heartless selfishness and absolute 
 unscrupulousness. Like Joe, you are fully steeped in these 
 things and nobody is your friend, can be your friend, but 
 such as would abet you in selfish, cunning, serpentine 
 schemes, joe and you, Brigham, were the two great sal- 
 vation-merchants, and the price for "exaltation" was always 
 the honour, the conscience, the virtue and purity, the 
 money and property of your customers the honor oif man, 
 the happiness of woman ! 
 
 You learned to rule in secret Nauvoo, Brigham Young ; 
 and you to obey secret orders, "martyr" John D. Lee! 
 Secrecy it is the faith-word of Satan. Ah, the blood- 
 stained ages rise before me burthened with it. " Had we 
 not done in secret what we did," says Rigdon in 1844, 
 
 * Bennett, p. 253. 
 
Secret Oaths and Devil- Covenants. 303 
 
 just before his first tools, the Smith brothers, were slaught- 
 ered, "the church would not have been where it is to-day. " 
 To which I add, that but for secret oaths and devil- covenants* 
 there would never have been a Mountain Meadows Massa- 
 cre. Nice, is it not, O ye liberty-loving people of Utah, 
 squandering millions,, wasting away life's glorious ener- 
 gies, fostering social and domestic hates and divisions, 
 murdering the intelligence and poisoning the patriotism 
 of rising generations with lying catechisms still to per- 
 petuate these silly secret mummeries of new revelation ! 
 
 XXVIII. 
 
 "TWO MINUTES IN GOAL." 
 
 I insert here the well-known account of the death of 
 Joseph and Hyrum Smith, written on the very day by 
 Apostle Willard Richards, the only one of the four 
 attacked who received no wound. From this report it 
 would seem that Joseph fell from the window dead. It is 
 quite possible that the story of his being set up against 
 the well-curb has been manufactured later in order to make 
 the lynching a perfect cold-blooded Gentile murder. Cer- 
 tain it is, the Times and Seasons of 1844 makes no men- 
 tion of the well-curb story, though W. Richards could 
 scarcely have helped witnessing the scene at the well-curb, 
 miraculous stroke of lightning and all, since he was at the 
 window. Moreover, but three gun-shot wounds are found 
 in the body of Joseph when it is washed and dressed for 
 burial. f There should have been seven (or at least four) 
 
 * Brigham Young preached in Provo after Lee's execution : 
 " Brother Lee went to hell not because of the Mountain Meadows 
 Massacre, but for breaking his covenants and betraying the brethren." 
 
 f "Joseph was shot in the right breast, also under the heart in the 
 lower part of his bowels on the right side, and on the big wrinkle on 
 the back part of the right hip. One ball had come out at the right 
 shoulder blade." Deseret News, Nov. 25, 1857. 
 
304 Mormon Portraits. 7. Sidelights. 
 
 wounds had the shooting at the well-curb been a fact. But 
 hear the narrative of Apostle Richards : 
 
 "CARTHAGE, June 27th, 1844. 
 
 " A shower of musket-balls were thrown up the stairway against 
 the door of the prison in the second story, followed by many rapid 
 footsteps. While Generals Joseph and Hyrum Smith, Mr. Taylor and 
 myself, who were in the front chamber, closed the door of our room 
 against the entry at the head of the stairs, and placed ourselves against 
 it, there being no lock on the door, and no ketch tha.t was useable; the 
 door is a common panel and as soon as we heard the feet at the stairs' 
 head, a ball was sent through the door, which passed between us, and 
 showed that our enemies were desperadoes, and we must change our 
 position. General Joseph Smith, Mr. Taylor and myself sprang back 
 to the front part of the room, and General Hyrum Smith retreated 
 two-thirds across the chamber, and directly in front of and facing the 
 door.* A ball was sent through the door, which hit Hyrum on the side 
 of the nose, when he fell backwards, extended at length, without mov- 
 ing his feet. From the holes in his vest (the day was warm and no 
 one had a coat on but myself), pantaloons, drawers and shirt, it appears 
 evident that a ball must have been thrown from without, through the 
 window, which entered his back on the right side, and passing through, 
 lodged against his watch, which was in his right vest pocket, completely 
 pulverizing the crystal and face, tearing off the hands and mashing the 
 whole body of the watch, at the same instant the ball from the door 
 entered his nose. As he struck the floor he exclaimed, emphatically, 
 'I'm a dead man.'' Joseph looked twards him and responded, 'O 
 dear ! Brother Hyrum ! ' and opening the door two or three inches with 
 his left hand, discharged one barrel of a six-shooter (pistol) at random 
 in the entry from whence a ball grazed Hyrum's breast, and entering 
 his throat passed into his head, while other muskets were aimed at him 
 and some balls hit him. Joseph continued snapping his revolver round 
 the casing of the door into the space as before, three barrels of which 
 missed fire, while Mr. Taylor, with a walking-stick, stood by his side 
 and knocked down the bayonets and muskets which were constantly 
 discharging through the doorway, while I stood by him, ready to lend 
 any assistance, with another stick, but could not come within striking 
 distance without going directly before the muzzles of the guns. When 
 the revolver failed we had no more fire-arms, and expecting an imme- 
 diate rush of the mob, and the doorway full of muskets half-way in 
 the room and no hope but instant death from within Mr. Taylor 
 
 *" Joseph, Hyrum and Taylor had their.coats off; Joseph sprang 
 to his coat for his six shooter, Hyrum for his single barrel, Taylor for 
 Markham's large hickory cane and Dr. Richards for Taylor's cane. 
 . . . Hyrum was retreating back in front of the door and snapped his 
 pistol, when a ball struck him in the left side of his nose, etc." 
 Deseret News, Nov. 25, 1857. 
 
Two Martyrs and a Half. 305 
 
 rushed into the window, which is some fifteen or twenty feet from the 
 ground. When his body was nearly on a balance, a ball from the 
 door within entered his leg, and a ball from without struck his watch, 
 a patent lever, in his vest pocket, near the left breast, and smashed it 
 in 'pi,' leaving the hands standing at 5 o'clock, 16 minutes and 26 
 seconds the force of which ball threw him back on the floor, and he 
 rolled under the bed which stood by his side, where he lay motionless, 
 the mob from the door continuing to fire upon him, cutting away a 
 piece of flesh from his left hip as large as a man's hand, and were hin- 
 dered only by my knocking down their muzzles with a stick ; while 
 they continued to reach their guns into the room , probably left-handed, 
 and aimed their discharge so far around as almost to reach us in the 
 corner of the room to where we retreated and dodged, and then I re- 
 commenced the attack with my stick again. Joseph attempted, as the 
 last resort, to leap the same window from whence Mr. Taylor fell, 
 when two balls pierced him from the door, and one entered his right 
 breast from without, and he fell outward, exclaiming, * O Lord my 
 God I" 1 As his feet went out of the window my head went in, the balls 
 whistling all around. He fell on his left side a DEAD man. At this 
 instant the cry was raised, "He's leaped the window] and the mob 
 on the stairs and in the entry ran out. I withdrew from the window, 
 thinking it of no use to leap out on a hundred bayonets, then around 
 General Smith's body. Not satisfied with this, I again reached my 
 head out of the window, and watched some seconds, to see if there 
 were any signs of life, regardless of my own, determined to see the end 
 of him I loved. Being fully satisfied that he was dead, with a hundred 
 men near the body, and more coming round the corner of the goal, 
 and expecting a return to our room, I rushed towards the prison-door, 
 at the head of the stairs, and through the entry from whence the firing 
 had proceeded, to learn if the door into the prison were open. When 
 near the entry, Mr. Taylor called out, ' Take me."* I pressed my way 
 until I found all doors unbarred returning instantly, caught Mr. Tay- 
 lor under my arm and rushed by the stairs into the dungeon, or inner 
 prison, stretched him on the floor, and covered him with a bed, in such 
 a manner as not likely to be perceived, expecting an immediate return 
 of the mob. I said to Mr. Taylor, ' This is a hard case, to lay you on 
 the floor ; but if your wounds are not fatal I want you to live to tell 
 the story.' I expected to be shot the next moment and stood before 
 the door awaiting the onset. 
 
 "WiLLARD RICHARDS." 
 
306 Mormon Portraits. 7. Sidelights. 
 
 XXIX. 
 
 ORIGIN OF THE WORD "MORMON." 
 
 We have seen Joe playing the learned oracle of the 
 age. After pretending inspiration he feigned science. It 
 was the same vanity that had made him appear as " author 
 and proprietor" in the first edition of the "Book of 
 Mormon." Author of a book written by ancient proph- 
 ets and translated by a divine prompter ! The following 
 letter, printed in the Times and Seasons, is a rich speci- 
 men of the " oracles " given by the Peeper, and of course 
 devoutly accepted by the long-eared herd then composing 
 the great mass of the "faithful." Having seen no "in- 
 dignant protest" against it from the pen of Professor 
 Orson Pratt, or any other Mormon professor or educator, 
 I conclude that it still "stands independent" of learning. 
 
 The Greek word "Mormon" had been chosen by 
 scholarly infected Solomon Spaulding in the same kind of 
 a whim as he chose others from the Latin, such as "Alma" 
 and the like. " Mormon" means in Greek a hobgoblin, 
 and poor old crank Solomon was surely happy with a 
 Greek feather in his dreamy nightcap. Joe saw his 
 chance for a tremendous bluff at the learned world. So 
 betakes a good handful of "diamond truth" and (no 
 doubt with W. W. Phelps as scribe) sits down to "com- 
 bat" another "error of the age." Writes he: 
 
 11 SIR, Through the medium of your paper, I wish to correct an 
 error among men that profess to be learned, liberal and wise ; and I 
 do it the more cheerfully, because I hope sober-thinking and sound- 
 reasoning people will sooner listen to the voice of truth, than be led 
 astray by the vain pretensions of the self-wise. [That's too good, 
 Joseph.] The error I speak of is the definition of the word ' Mor- 
 mon.' It has been stated that this word was derived from the Greek 
 word mormo. This is not the case. There was no Greek or Latin 
 upon the plates from which I, through the grace of God, translated 
 the Book of Mormon. Let the language of that book speak for itself. 
 On the 523rd page of the fourth edition, it reads: 'And now be- 
 hold we have written the record according to our knowledge in the 
 characters which are called among us the REFORMED EGYPTIAN, be- 
 
Joe at Home in Nine Languages. 307 
 
 ing handed down and altered by us according to our manner of 
 speech ; and if our plates were sufficiently large, we should have 
 written in Hebrew. Behold ye would have had no imperfections in 
 our record, but the Lord knoweth the things which we have written, 
 and also, that NONE OTHER PEOPLE KNOWETH OUR LANGUAGE ; there- 
 fore he hath prepared means for the interpretation thereof? 
 
 " Here, then, the subject is put to silence, for ' none other people 
 knoweth our language ; ' therefore the Lord, and not man, hath to 
 interpret, after the people were all dead. And, as Paul said, * the 
 world by wisdom know not God,' and the world by speculation are 
 destitute of revelation ; and as God, in His superior wisdom, has al- 
 ways given His saints, wherever *He has had any on earth, the same 
 spirit, and that spirit (as John says) is the true spirit of prophesy, 
 which is the testimony of Jesus, I may safely say that the word Mor- 
 mon stands independent of the learning and wisdom of this generation. 
 Before I give a definition, however, to the word, let me say that the 
 Bible, in its widest sense, means good ; for the Savior says, according 
 to the Gospel of St. John, * I am the good shepherd ; ' and it will not 
 be beyond the common use of terms to say, that good is amongst the 
 most important in use, and though known by various names in dif- 
 ferent languages, still its meaning is the same, and is ever in oppo- 
 sition to bad. We say from the Saxon, good; the Dane, god; the 
 Goth, Goda; the German, Gut; the Dutch, Goed; the Latin, bonus; 
 the Greek, kalos; the Hebrew, tob; and the Egyptian, mon. Hence, 
 with the addition of ' more,' or the contraction mor, we have the word 
 Mormon, which means, literally, more good. Yours, 
 
 JOSEPH SMITH." 
 
 Here's solid chunks of wisdom! But compare the 
 foregoing with Joseph's tale about Martin's visit to Prof. 
 Anthon, and you see the Peeper again in one of those 
 providential traps reserved for the sure punishment of 
 impostors. "None other people knoweth our language'' 
 the Reformed Egyptian ; " Therefore the Lord, and not 
 man hath to interpret.''* But Prof. Anthon and Dr. 
 Mitchell understand the hieroglyphics, all the same : the 
 characters are true and the translation is correct. Oh, 
 Kolob, Kokob and Kokaubeam ! And then the heart- 
 rending revelation which makes the Bible mean " good ; " 
 that little slip in giving kalos as the Greek word for good, 
 instead of agathos ; and finally, to speak with Tullidge, 
 the wondrous announcement that Reformed Egyptian 
 consists, at least in this special case, not of rotten Chal- 
 daic, Assyriac and Arabic, but of the fresh, living Saxon 
 of our days and embalmed Egyptian : more and mon. 
 
308 Mormon Portraits. /. Sidelights. 
 
 united in one word, like the Siamese twins, while one was 
 dead and the other yet alive ! 
 
 But you must not laugh. If you do, you're lost. 
 Joseph Smith. Jr., held converse with holy angels, with the 
 Father and Son and he wrote (set his name to) this 
 letter ! ! 
 
 XXX. 
 
 APOSTOLIC SPREES. 
 
 Let us give one last glance at the high times in Kirt- 
 land, Ohio. Everything was flourishing then, revelation, 
 consecration, translation, and even sealing, as we have 
 seen. It was the time when Joe and his brothers and 
 their next friends got money in their hands for the first 
 time in their lives. They founded mills, stores, a bank, a 
 city and a temple. How solid those enterprises were is 
 well known. Honest David Whitmer told Joe one day, 
 alluding to the famous bar\k, that there were more lies 
 than dollars passed over his counter. * 
 
 The "Endowments" in the Kirtland temple were 
 nothing but a big spree, so big, that the " apparitions of 
 angels," etc., were not miraculous at all. I quote from a 
 letter by Dr. McLellin, one of the first quorum of 
 Mormon apostles : 
 
 " About five hundred ministers entered that great temple about 
 sunrise and remained fasting until next morning sunrise, except a little 
 bread and wine in the evening. The Twelve were required to take 
 large servers and set glasses of wine and lumps of bread, and go 
 through the house and serve the brethren. I did my part of the 
 serving. During the night a purse was made up and a wagon sent 
 to Painesville and a barrel of wine procured, and then it was a time. 
 All the latter part of the night I took care of Samuel H. Smith 
 [brother of the prophet] , perfectly unable to help himself. And I 
 
 * " David Whitmer I believe to be an honest and truthful man. I 
 think what he states may be relied on." So says Emma Smith on he-r 
 death-bed. 
 
Saintly Hyrum the Wildest of Them. 309 
 
 had others removed from the house because they were unfit- to be in 
 decent company " 
 
 Money came in from the dupes; town lots sold /at 
 high figures, and the eastern merchants sent goods on 
 credit. The new prophets and apostles felt good. I 
 quote from another letter of the same ex-apostle : 
 
 " Soon fine dressing and fine parties were the go, and soon a fine 
 Tide was determined upon. Some fifteen couples hired fine carriages, 
 with fine harness and horses and, when all was in readiness, they set 
 out for Cleveland, some nineteen miles away. They drove round and 
 round through the streets. People gazed and inquired, ' Who is all 
 this ? ' ' Oh, it's Joe Smith, the Mormon prophet, and his company.' 
 They put up at a first-class tavern, called for a room, refreshments and 
 something to drink. Some of them became intoxicated, and they 
 broke up about twenty dollars' worth of dishes and furniture. Next 
 morning they paid their bill and set out for home. They stopped at 
 Euclid half way and took dinner and again drank freely; and 
 after they set out for home they commenced running horses, and 
 turned over a buggy and broke it up, so they had to haul it home on a 
 wagon. But all went swimmingly. We are great merchantmen, 
 money plenty.' But no confessions were ever required or made in 
 the church for this wild-goose chase. They still continued their 
 practices and their drinking to excess, until I sickened and, with a 
 heavy heart, left the place and church and wended my way to Illinois, 
 with my companion and two little children.* 
 
 Wiliarn Smith, Joe's younger brother, and one of the 
 Twelve, was the enfant terrible of that holy family. When 
 drunk he was capable of anything, even giving away the 
 key of the whole fraud. He used to beat Joseph and 
 throw him down. He once struck Joe on the forehead 
 and cut a watch-pocket over his eye, so that the prophet 
 had to stay away from church a week or two. One after- 
 noon a number of persons were playing town ball in the 
 flat on the bank of the creek in Kirtland. There was 
 whiskey on the ground, and "Bill" Smith got so drunk 
 that he had to sit down between the roots of a stump and 
 lean back against the stump to sit up. Some of the 
 brethren reminded him that he was announced to preach 
 
 * David Whitmer told Mr. Traughber that Oliver Cowdery was on 
 the ride to Cleveland, and that he said about it, " it would be a dis- 
 grace to worldlings" David said he heard it was Hyrum Smith who 
 broke up the dishes with his cane. 
 
310 Mormon Portraits. /. Sidelights. 
 
 the next day, and that he would not be allowed to preach 
 if he made such a spectacle of himself. He roared out, 
 " I'll be d d if I don't preach. If they don't let me 
 preach, by God I'll tell all I know about them plates" 
 He preached. On another occasion, while riding with 
 Mr. Markell, he began to sing an obscene song. Mr. 
 Markell reminded him that he was a preacher and was to 
 preach the next Sunday (Bill and Joe were in a quarrel 
 then). Apostle Bill replied : " I am not going to preach 
 any more. The whole thing [Mormonism] is a d d 
 humbug. I'm going to tell all I know about them plates. ' ' 
 All this shows that Apostle William was a horrible 
 brute ; still he impresses me as having been the only fellow 
 in the whole lot who had a remote idea of honesty. He 
 at least had moments when he was tempted to tell the 
 truth about the fraud Joe and Hyrum never had. 
 
 XXXI. 
 
 THE CANADA REVELATION. 
 
 It was not easy, after all, to get old Martin Harris to 
 pay the $3000 for the first edition of the Book of Mormon. 
 The Lord found it necessary to bulldoze the cautious farm- 
 er by a special revelation, dated March, 1830: " a com- 
 mandment of God and not of man, given to you , Martin" 
 Martin is threatened with fearful punishment : 
 
 " Wherefore, I command you by My name and by My Almighty 
 power, that you repent, repent, lest I smite you by the rod of my 
 mouth and by my wrath and by my anger, and your sufferings be sore : 
 
 " How sore you know not ! 
 How exquisite you know not ! 
 Yea, how hard to bear you know not ! " 
 
 After having given Martin a good shaking up and a 
 foresmell of brimstone, the Lord proceeds to business : 
 
 " I command you that thou shalt not covet thine own property, but 
 
Joe Confesses that He has Lied. 311 
 
 impart it freely to the printing of the Book of Mormon, which con- 
 tains the truth and the word of God. . . . 
 
 " Impart a portion of thy property, yea, even a part of thy land 
 and ALL save the support of thy family. 
 
 " PAY THE PRINTER'S DEBT." * 
 
 You see the Lord did not think yet of organizing stock 
 companies; that came later, when He was under the in- 
 fluence of the new Abraham. Well, Martin Harris was 
 willing enough to pay, since he hoped to make a good 
 deal by selling the if word of God " at so much a copy, 
 but he wanted to do things in a shrewd and cautious man- 
 ner. I quote from a letter by Mr. Traughber : 
 
 " Poor old Martin intended to pay all the time, but as he would 
 have to sell his farm to do so, he wanted the best price he could get, 
 so he held on and would not sell just as soon as Joe wanted him to. 
 Early in 1830, while matters stood thus, Joe delivered a whooping 
 big revelation directing Oliver Cowdery and Hiram Page to go over 
 into Kingston, Canada, and sell a copyright under that Dominion, 
 and thus get money to pay the printer and let Martin go be inde- 
 pendent of him. The revelation promised them success, and all that 
 sort of stuff. Well, the boys went over on the ice and as they had not 
 money enough to bear their expenses, came back nearly starved, com- 
 pletely wearied, with no money nor copyright sold either. In 1831, 
 when Joe and Sidney were talking about having the revelations pub- 
 lished, David Whitmer got up in the council and said all he could 
 against the measure. But Joe raved and declared that the Revelations 
 should be published. David said, ' Brother Joseph, are you going to 
 publish all of them? ' Joe replied, 'yes, all, in the order of their dates.' 
 Then David asked, ''are you going to publish that revelation for 
 Oliver and Hiram to go to Kingston and get out a copyright for the 
 Book of Mormon ? ' Joe hung his head a while, then answered, ' NO.' 
 'Why not, Brother Joseph?' asked honest David. BECAUSE, re- 
 plied Joe, IT WAS NOT TRUE.' I have this from both Dr. W. E. Mc- 
 Lellin [apostle and apostate] and David Whitmer, both of whom 
 have read the revelation. Dr. McLellin was secretary of the council 
 in which David talked to Joe about it. Dr. McLellin also states that 
 these revelations were twice altered before they were ever printed even 
 in the Book of Commandments and that in the revelations it was fre- 
 quently said, < Keep these things from the world.' These expressions 
 were all expunged or altered in sense." 
 
3 12 Mormon Portraits. /. Sidelights. 
 
 XXXII. 
 
 THE TREASURES OF SALEM. 
 
 In the year 1836, Joseph, about to become a big bank- 
 er, visits the ancient and wealthy town of Salem < Mass. 
 And here he receives a revelation, perhaps the most unique 
 of them all. Why, it reads not to speak profanely it 
 reads just as you might expect a prophet's revelation to* 
 read who had been on a big spree ! It seems that Joe 
 had heard there was money buried in the cellar of a va- 
 cant house in Salem. He rents the house, takes a house- 
 keeper along, (one of the nice, accommodating sisters from 
 the neighbor city of Boston) and proceeds to dig in 
 the cellar for the buried gold and silver. I copy now the 
 "revelation" from the latest edition of the Book of 
 Doctrine and Covenants, p. 406 : 
 
 Revelation given through Joseph the Seer, August 6th, 1836 : 
 
 I, the Lord, your God, am not displeased with your coming this 
 journey, notwithstanding your follies. 
 
 I have much treasure in this city for the benefit of Zion, and 
 many people in this city whom I will gather out in due time for the 
 benefit of Zion, through your instrumentality ! 
 
 Therefore it is expedient that you should form acquaintance with 
 men in this city, as you shall be led and as it shall be given you. 
 
 And it shall come to pass in due time that / will give this city 
 into your hands, that you shall have power over it, insomuch that they 
 shall not discover your secret parts ; and its wealth pertaining to gold 
 and silver shall be yours. 
 
 Concern not yourselves about your debts, for I will give you power 
 to pay them. This place you may obtain by hire, etc. * And inquire 
 diligently concerning the more ancient inhabitants and founders of 
 this city. For there are more treasures than one for you in this city ; 
 therefore be ye as wise as serpents and yet without sin, and I will 
 order all things for your good, as fast as ye are able to receive them. 
 Amen. 
 
 I have nothing to say. I give the floor to the in- 
 ventor of the "archangel's genius." 
 
 *This " etc." in the Lord's mouth is of special richness. 
 
Joe Lies Once More About Polygamy. 313 
 
 XXIII. 
 
 DESTRUCTION OF THE "EXPOSITOR." 
 
 I have asserted (see p. 249) that John Taylor " had a 
 main hand in squelching the freedom of the press in 
 Nauvoo." This appears, among many other valuable 
 details, by the following extract from the minutes of the 
 proceedings of the Nauvoo city council relative to the 
 destruction of the press and fixtures of the Expositor. I 
 quote from the Deseret News, Sept. 23, 1857, pp. 225-6: 
 " CITY COUNCIL, Sessions of June 8 and 10, 1844. 
 
 " Mayor [Joe] suggested that the Council pass an ordinance to 
 prevent misinterpretation and libelous publications and conspiracies 
 against the peace of the city. Mayor said the conduct of such men 
 and such papers are calculated to destroy the peace of the city ; and 
 it is not safe that such things should exist, on account of the mob 
 spirit which they tend to produce. 
 
 " Councilor Hyrum Smith spoke of the importance of suppressing 
 that spirit which has driven us from Missouri, etc. ; that he would go 
 in for an effective ordinance. 
 
 l< Mayor [Joe] said if he had a city council who felt as he did, the 
 establishment [of the Expositor^ would be declared a nuisance be- 
 fore night. Here is a paper that, is exciting our enemies abroad, 
 They [the editors of the Expositor^ make it a criminality for a wan 
 to have a wife on earth while he has one in heaven, according to the 
 keys of the priesthood; and he then read a statement of Wm. Law's 
 from the Expositor, where the truth of God was transferred into a lie 
 concerning. this thing [! !] What the opposition party want is to raise 
 a mob on us and take the spoil from us as they did in Missouri ; said 
 he would rather die to-morrow and have the thing smashed, than 
 live and have it go on, for it was exciting the spirit of mobocracy 
 among the people and bringing death and destruction upon us. May- 
 or said he had never preached the revelation [on polygamy] in 
 private, but he had in public, had not taught it to the anointed in the 
 church in private, which statement many present confirmed. * Mayor 
 said the Constitution did not authorize the press to publish libels, and 
 proposed that the Council make some provision for putting down the 
 " Nauvoo Expositor" 
 
 " Councilor Hyrum Smith was in favor of declaring the Expositor 
 a nuisance. 
 
 * What did Apostle Snow tell the author about the scene on the 
 log, and what does Wm. Clayton say in his affidavit ? Who lies? 
 
314 Mormon Portraits. 1. Sidelights. 
 
 " Councilor J. TAYLOR said no city on earth would bear such slan- 
 der, and he would not bear it, and w'as decidedly in favor of active 
 measures. He then read from the Constitution of the United States 
 on the freedom of the press, and said : ' We are willing they should 
 publish the truth ; but it is unlawful to publish libels ; the Expositor 
 is a nuisance and stinks in the nose of every honest man.' 
 
 ^ " Mayor [Joe] read from Illinois Constitution, touching the respon- 
 sibility of the press for its constitutional liberty. 
 
 " Councilor Hyrum Smith believed the best way was to smash the 
 press and ' pie ' the type. 
 
 " Mayor [Joe] remarked he was sorry to have one dissenting voice 
 in declaring the Expositor a nuisance. 
 
 " Councilor Warrington did not mean to be understood to go 
 against the proposition ; but would not be in haste in declaring it a 
 nuisance. 
 
 " Councilor Phelps had investigated the Constitution, charter and 
 laws ; the power to declare that office a nuisance is granted to us in the 
 Springfield CHARTER, and a resolution declaring it a nuisance is all 
 that is required" 
 
 The result of the session was, that the following resolu- 
 tion was read and passed unanimously, with the exception 
 of Councilor Warrington: 
 
 " Resolved, By the City Council of the city of Nauvoo, that the 
 printing office from whence issues the * Nauvoo Expositor' is a public 
 nuisance and also all of said Nauvoo Expositors, which may be or exist 
 in said establishment, and the Mayor is instructed to cause said printing 
 establishment and papers to be removed without delay in such manner 
 as he shall direct. 
 
 GEO. W. HARRIS, 
 
 " Passed June 10, 1844. President pro tern" 
 
 The following order was immediately issued by the 
 Mayor : 
 
 "STATE OF ILLINOIS, > 
 City of Nauvoo. f 
 " To the Marshal of said City, Greeting : 
 
 " You are hereby commanded to destroy the printing press from 
 whence issues the Nauvoo Expositor and pie the type of said printing 
 establishment IN THE STREET, and BURN the Expositors and libelous 
 handbills found in said establishment, and if resistance be offered to 
 your execution of this order by the owners or others, DEMOL- 
 ISH THE HOUSE; and if anyone threatens you, or the Mayor, or the 
 officers of the city, ARREST those who threaten you, and fail not to exe- 
 cute this order without delay, and make due return hereon. 
 
 " By order of the City Council. 
 
 JOSEPH SMITH, Mayor." 
 
Joe Makes a Mob of His Army. 315 
 
 Marshal's return : The within named press and type is destroyed 
 and pied according to order, on this loth day of June, 1844, at about 
 8 o'clock p. m. 
 
 J. P. GREENE, C. M. 
 
 So much for Mayor Joseph Smith. But the Lieut. - 
 General of the Legion cannot be mocked, either, in such 
 "libelous" affairs. So he decrees as follows: 
 
 " HEADQUARTERS NAUVOO LEGION, \ 
 June 10, 1844. y 
 
 " To Jonathan Dunham, Acting Major- General of the Nauvoo Legion : 
 ''You are hereby commanded to hold the Nauvoo Legion in readi- 
 ness forthwith to execute the city ordinances, and especially to remove 
 the establishment of the Nauvoo Expositor, and this you are required 
 to do at sight, under the penalty of the laws; provided the Marshal 
 shall require it and need your services. 
 
 JOSEPH SMITH, 
 L ieut. - General Nauvoo Legion . ' ' 
 
 According to these orders, two companies of the Nau- 
 voo Legion assisted in destroying the Expositor! 
 
 I insert the following extracts from the "History of 
 Joseph Smith," contained in the Deseret News of 1857: 
 
 " SUNDAY, JUNE 9, 1844. At home. My health not very good in 
 consequence of my lungs being impaired by so much public speaking. 
 My brother Hyrum preached at the stand. At 2 p. m. several passen- 
 gers ot the steamer ' Osprey ' from St. Louis and Quincy arrived and 
 put up at the Mansion. I helped to carry in their trunks and chatted 
 with them in the bar room. 
 
 "MONDAY, JUNE 10. I was in the City Council from 10 a. m. to 
 l:2O p. m. and from 2:20 to 6:30 p. m., investigating the merits of the 
 Nauvoo Expositor and also the conduct of the Laws, Higbees, Foster 
 and others, who have formed a conspiracy for the purpose of destroy- 
 ing my life and scattering the Saints, or driving them Irom the State. 
 About 8 p. m. the Marshal returned and reported that he had removed 
 the press, type, printed paper and fixtures into the street and destroyed 
 them. The posse, accompanied by some hundreds of citizens, returned 
 with the Marshal to the front of the Mansion, when I gave them a 
 short address and told them that they HAD DONE RIGHT ; and that not 
 a hair of their heads should be hurt for it ; that they had executed the 
 orders which were given me by the City Council; that I would never 
 submit to have another libelous publication established in the city ; that 
 I did not care how many papers were printed in the city if they would 
 print the truth, but would submit to no libels or slanders from them. I 
 then blessed them in the name of the Lord. This speech was loudly 
 greeted by the assembly with three times three cheers." 
 
3i 6 Mormon Portraits. /. Sidelights. 
 
 On the same day, June 10, the City Council had passed 
 an "Ordinance concerning libels and for other purposes." 
 Compare its language with that of the Expositor and you 
 will find where the " libel" is. The ordinance says of the 
 publishers of the Expositor : 
 
 "They have turned traitors in the church and combined and 
 leagued with the most corrupt scoundrels and villains that disgrace the 
 earth unhung, for the heaven-daring and damnable purpose of revenge 
 on account of disappointed lust, disappointed prospects of speculation, 
 fraud and unlawful designs to rob and plunder mankind with impunity ; 
 and whereas such wicked and corrupt men have greatly facilitated their 
 unlawful designs, horrid intentions and murderous plans, by polluting, 
 degrading and converting the blessings of the utility of the press to 
 the sin-smoking and blood-stained ruin of innocent communities, by 
 publishing lies, false statements, slandering men, women, children [!], 
 societies and countries, by polishing the characters of blacklegs, high- 
 waymen and murderers as virtuous ..." 
 
 The plans of the " degraded " publishers are " horrid, 
 bloody, secret ; " they want to "destroy Mormonism, men, 
 women and children, as Missouri did." Therefore, 
 
 " Be it ordained by the City Council of the city of Nauvoo, that if 
 any person or persons shall write or publish in said city ANY FALSE 
 STATEMENT or libel any of the citizens, for the purpose of exciting the 
 public mind against the chartered privileges, peace and good order of 
 said city, or shall SLANDER any portion of the inhabitants of said city, 
 or bribe any portion of the citizens of said city for malicious purposes, 
 or in any manner or form excite the prejudice of tJie community against 
 any portion of the citizens of said c\\y,for evil purposes , he, she or 
 they shall be deemed disturbers of the peace and upon conviction 
 before the Mayor, OR Municipal Court, shall be fined in any sum not 
 exceeding $500 or imprisoned six months, or both, at the discretion of 
 said Mayor or court." 
 
 The ordinance adds, evidently by way of a joke, that 
 " nothing in this ordinance shall be so construed as to 
 interfere with the freedom of speech, or the liberty of the 
 press, according to the most liberal meaning of the Consti- 
 tution, the dignity of freemen, the voice of truth and the 
 rules of virtue ! " 
 
 At a mass meeting of the citizens of Hancock County, 
 convened at Carthage June 13, it was stated that 
 
 " Hyrum Smith did, in the presence of the City Council and the 
 citizens of Nauvoo, offer a reward for the destruction of the printing 
 
Mormon Interpretation of Law. 317 
 
 press and materials of the Warsaw Signal. Hyrum Smith has within 
 the last week publicly threatened the life of Thos. C. Sharp, the editor 
 of the Signal" 
 
 The destruction of the Expositor is declared a lawful 
 act by Joseph Smith in a letter to Governor Ford dated 
 June 14, in consideration of the following section of the 
 Nauvoo City charter: 
 
 "SEC. 7. To make regulations to secure the general health of the 
 inhabitants, TO DECLARE WHAT SHALL BE A NUISANCE AND TO PRE- 
 VENT AND REMOVE the same." 
 
 Isn't this interpretation the acme of impudence? 
 
 Let us close with a look at the widow of the prophet : 
 
 "Dimick B. Huntington, with the assistance of Wm. Marks and W. 
 D. Huntington, washed the bodies from head to foot . . .he put cot- 
 ton soaked in camphor in each wound and laid the bodies out with 
 fine, plain drawers and shirts, white neckerchiefs, white cotton stock- 
 ings and white shrouds. After this was done, EMMA (who was at this 
 time pregnant) was permitted to view the bodies. On first seeing the 
 corpse of her husband she screamed and fell, but was supported by D. 
 B. Huntington. She then fell upon his face and kissed him, calling 
 him by name and begged of him to speak to her once." 
 
 XXXIV. 
 
 'TALLERED RAGS." 
 
 Apostle Heber C. Kimball had been a potter in his 
 early days. Full of the spirit of the Kingdom, he used to 
 preach blind obedience to the holy priesthood. He had 
 two standard images showing how far this obedience 
 should go. One was that the faithful should be in the 
 hands of the authorities like clay in the hands of the 
 potter ; the other was not taken from pottery, still it was 
 very fine in its kind : good Saints should be like 
 " tallered rags. " He was a master spirit, Kimball was. 
 Like Brigham, he had learned his little lesson in Nauvoo. 
 Joe Smith used to treat his apostles like tallowed rags, 
 
3 J 8 Mormon Portraits. I. Sidelights. 
 
 indeed. A perfect illustration is furnished by a passage 
 in the prophet's autobiography, written in April, 1843, 
 and contained in the Mill. Star, Vol. XXL, Number 2 : 
 
 " At three p. m. I met with Brigham Young, William Smith, P. 
 P. Pratt, O. Pratt, W. Woodruff, J. Taylor, Geo. A. Smith and Will- 
 ard Richards, of the quorum of the Twelve, in my office, and told 
 them to go in the name of the Lord God of Israel, and tell Lucien 
 Woodworth to put the hands on to the Nauvoo House and begin the 
 work and be patient till means can be provided. 
 
 " Call on the inhabitants of Nauvoo, and get them to bring in 
 their means ; then go to La Harpe and serve them the same. Out of 
 the stock that is handed to me you shall have as you have need ; for 
 the labourer is worthy of his hire. 
 
 " I hereby command the hands to go to work on the house, trust- 
 ing in the Lord. Tell Woodworth to put them on and he shall be 
 backed up with it. You must get cash, property, lands, horses, cattle, 
 flour, corn, rvheat, etc. The grain can be ground in this place. If 
 you can get hands on the Nauvoo House, it will give such an impetus 
 to the work, it will take all the devils out of hell to stop it. 
 
 "Brigham Young asked if any of the Twelve should goto England. 
 
 "I replied: ' A T o ! I don't want the Twelve to go to England this 
 year. I have sent them to England and they have broke the ice ; 
 and now I want to send some of the elders and try them. 
 
 "You can never make anything out of Benjamin Winchester, if 
 you take him out of the channel he wants to be in. Send Samuel 
 James to England, thus saith the Lord ! also Reuben Hedlock. Send 
 these two now ; and when you think of some others, send them. 
 
 '* John Taylor, I believe you can do more good in the editorial 
 department than preaching. You can write for thousands to read, 
 while you can preach to but a few at a time. We have no one else 
 we can trust the paper with, and hardly with you ; for you suffer the 
 paper to come out with so many mistakes. 
 
 " Brother Geo. A. Smith, I don't know how I can help him to a 
 living, but to go arM preach, put on a long face, and make them doe 
 over to him.* The Lord will give him a good pair of lungs yet. 
 
 " Woodruff can be spared from the printing office. If you both 
 stay you will disagree. I want Orson Pratt should go. 
 
 " Brother Brigham asked if he should go. ' YES, GO.' 
 
 V J 
 
 * Rather hard on Thackeray, isn't it ? 
 
 END OF VOL. I. 
 
TABLE OF CONTENTS. 
 
 Testimonials 5 
 
 Letter to the Public 10 
 
 The Prophet's Parents 16 
 
 Views of Joseph Smith 19 
 
 Joseph Smith and his Plates 20 
 
 Joseph hkes his Glass 21 
 
 Joseph the Wrestler 23 
 
 Joseph as a Student 24 
 
 Joseph's Habits, etc 25 
 
 Joseph as a Preacher 26 
 
 Joseph as a General 27 
 
 Joseph as a Presidential Candidate 29 
 
 Joseph and Nero Boggs 30 
 
 The Lord's Bankers in Kirtland 35 
 
 Counterfeiting Apostles 37 
 
 Joseph in Money Matters 39 
 
 Secret Murders in Nauvoo 44 
 
 Stealing in Nauvoo 50 
 
 The Don Juan of Nauvoo 53 
 
 The Nauvoo Pandemonium 64 
 
 Emma, the Prophet's Wife 73 
 
 The Revelation on Polygamy 83 
 
 The Prophet's Brothers ill 
 
 President Sidney Rigdon 117 
 
 Dr. John C. Bennett 127 
 
 The Nauvoo Catastrophe 136 
 
 The Lynching of Joseph Smith 153 
 
 Danites and Destroying Angels 165 
 
 Joseph as Seer and Translator 193 
 
 The Kinderhook Plates 205 
 
 The Book of Abraham 213 
 
 SIDELIGHTS (APPENDIX. ) 
 
 I. The affidavits of 1833 and 1834 227 
 
 II. The Gold Bible Company 235 
 
 III. Spaulding's " Manuscript Found " 238 
 
 IV. Rigdon and Spaulding's Manuscript 241 
 
 V. The Army of Zion 243 
 
 VI. Affidavits of Fanny Brewer and Others 249 
 
320 Index. 
 
 VII. Polygamy in Kirtland 251 
 
 VIII. Dr. Isaac Galland 252 
 
 IX. Setting up the Kingdom . 253 
 
 X. Rockwell and Governor Boggs 254 
 
 XL Martha Brotherton's Affidavit 255 
 
 XII. Evidence in the Trial of Joseph Smith, etc 261 
 
 XIII. Joseph's real Character" 263 
 
 XIV. Patriarchal Blessings 266 
 
 XV. History of the Endowments . . . 267 
 
 X\T. The Mormon Prophetess 272 
 
 XVII. Old Joe and Old Lucy * . . 275 
 
 XVIII. Nauvoo City Ordinances 277 
 
 XIX. Nauvoo City Officers 282 
 
 XX. The Nauvoo University 283 
 
 XXL The Nauvoo Legion 285 
 
 XXII. Miss Nancy Rigdon 288 
 
 XXIII. The Lord Corrects Himself . . . 292 
 
 XXIV. Brother Brigham Damns Sister Emma 294 
 
 XXV. D. Whitmer Ordained Joseph's Successor 295 
 
 XXVI. The Nauvoo Seraglio 295 
 
 XXVII. A Love Letter by Joseph 3 
 
 XXVIII. "Two Minutes in Goal " 303 
 
 XXIX. Origin of the Word " Mormon" 306 
 
 XXX. Apostolic Sprees 308 
 
 XXXI. The Canada Revelation 3 to 
 
 XXXII. The Treasures of Salem 3 12 
 
 XXXIII. Destruction of the " Expositor " 313 
 
 XXXIV. "Tallered Rags" 3*7 
 
 ILLUSTRATIONS. 
 
 Death Mask of Joseph Smith 4 
 
 Reformed Egyptian Hieroglyphics 198 
 
 Dollar Sign Hieroglyphics 209 
 
 Kirtland Temple 212 
 
 Resurrection of Osiris 222 
 
 Abraham and Pharaoh . . . 224 
 
 Lucy Smith 225 
 
 Brigham Young 258 
 
 Adam's Endowment Garment 268 
 
 Revealed Fig Leaf Apron 269 
 
 Man's Endowment Cap 270 
 
 Woman's Cap and Slipper 271 
 
 Professor Orson Pratt 284 
 
 Major John D. Lee 286