FRUITS OF CULT
Cozir^h Leo Tolstoi
LlBRAKt
ONJVEF
CAUI
SAM
J
The Fruits of Culture
A COMEDY IN FOUR ACTS
BY
COUNT LEO TOLSTOI
TRANSLATED BY
GEORGE SCHUMM
BOSTON, MASS.
BENJ. R. TUCKER, PUBLISHER,
1891
COPYRIGHT,
BY BENJ. R. TUCKER,
1890.
THE FRUITS OF CULTURE.
THE CAST.
LEONID FEDOROVITCH SVESDINZEFF, a lieutenant of
the Cavalry Guard a. D., proprietor of 24,000 desja-
tines in the various provinces. A vigorous man of
about sixty, deferential, affable, gentlemanly. He is
a believer in Spiritualism, and takes pleasure in start-
ling people by the recital of his stories.
ANNA PAVLOVNA SVESDINZEFF, his wife, a stout, bloom-
ing lady, with the desire of appearing young.' She
entertains a strict regard for the conventional social
forms, esteems her husband lightly, and puts a blind
trust in her physician. An easily excitable lady.
BETSY, their daughter, a young lady of high society,
about twenty years old. She is free in her manners,
wears eyeglasses, flirts desperately, and laughs much.
She talks very rapidly and very distinctly by moving
her lips briskly like a foreigner.
VASSILI LEONIDITCH, their son; twenty-five years old,
Dr. juris, without a practice, member of the Bicycle
Club, the Race Club, and the Society for the Breed-
ing of Greyhounds. A young man of excellent
health and imperturbable self-possession. He talks
loud and abruptly. Now perfectly serious, almost
gloomy; now excessively gay, and laughing bois-
terously.
4 The Fruits of Culture
ALEXEI VLADIMIROVITCH KRUGOSVETLOFF, professor.
A savant, about fifty years old, with quiet, deferen-
tial, and self-possessed manners in society, and a
similar slow singing speech. He likes to hear him-
self talk. He maintains a contemptuous reserve
towards those who do not agree with him. A great
smoker. A lean, restless man.
THE PHYSICIAN, a healthy, corpulent man of about
forty, with ruddy face. Noisy and blunt. With a
self-complacent smile.
MARIA KONSTANTINOVNA, a girl of about twenty, a stu-
dent at the Conservatory, with bangs, excessively
modern dress, and of an insinuating and timid dis-
position.
PETRISTCHEFF, age twenty-eight, philologist, Dr., on the
look-out for a position, member of the same societies
as Vassili Leoniditch, and, besides, of the Society
for the Arrangement of Dances for Girls of the Com-
mon People, bald-headed, vivacious in movement
and speech, very courteous.
THE BARONESS, a distinguished lady of about fifty ; her
movements are ponderous, and she talks in a mono-
tone.
THE PRINCESS, a lady of the world, a guest.
THE PRINCESS'S DAUGHTER, a young lady of high so-
ciety, a guest ; she makes faces.
THE DUCHESS, an old-fashioned lady, who is hardly
able to move about, with false locks and teeth.
GROSSMANN, of dark complexion and Jewish type, very
lively, nervous ; he talks very loud.
The Fruits of Culture 5
A Fat Lady, MARIA VASSILIEVNA TOLBUCHIN, a very
distinguished, rich, and good-natured lady, ac-
quainted with all the celebrities of the past and
present. She is very fat, talks rapidly in order to
silence the rest. She smokes.
BARON KLINGEN (Koko), Doctor of the University of
St. Petersburg, chamberlain, an officer of the em-
bassy. Perfectly correct, therefore of a tranquil
mind and serenely happy.
A LADY.
A PROPRIETRESS (dumb person).
SACHATOFF, SERGEI IVANOVITCH, about fifty, Director
of the Ministry a. D. An elegant gentleman of mag-
nificent European culture. He is without employ-
ment, and takes an interest in all things. His car-
riage is dignified, indeed even somewhat reserved.
FEDOR IVANITCH, chamberlain, nearly sixty. An edu-
cated man, striving after culture. He uses his eye-
glasses and his pocket-handkerchief, which he slowly
unfolds too liberally. He also takes an interest in
politics. A sensible and good man.
GREGORI, lackey, twenty-eight years, a handsome fellow,
but dissolute, envious, and insolent.
JACOB, forty years, butler, a restless, good-natured man,
who concerns himself only about the family affairs
of the peasants.
SEMION, kitchen boy. A healthy, fresh-looking peasant
boy, blonde, still beardless, quiet, with a friendly
smile.
6 The Fruits of Culture
THE COACHMAN, thirty-five years. A fop, he lets only
his moustache grow ; rude and positive.
THE OLD COOK, forty-five years, with bristly hair, un-
shaven, bloated yellowish face, and trembling hands,
in a ragged Nanking spring overcoat, dirty panta-
loons, and torn shoes; he is hoarse. He utters his
words as if he had first to overcome an obstacle.
THE COOK, a gossip ; she is discontented, about thirty
years old.
THE STEWARD, a retired soldier.
TANIA, chambermaid, nineteen years old, an energetic,
strong, jolly girl, with quickly changing moods. In
moments of powerful joyous excitement, she squeals.
FIRST PEASANT, sixty years, formerly alderman of the
town; thinks he knows how to associate with gen-
tlemen, and likes to hear himself talk.
SECOND PEASANT, forty-five years, proprietor, rude and
downright, a man of few words. Semion's father.
THIRD PEASANT, seventy years, in bast shoes, nervous,
restless, always in a hurry, shy; he tries to drown
his shyness by words.
FIRST FOOTMAN of the Duchess. An old man of the
old type, with the vanity of his class.
SECOND FOOTMAN, a healthy, coarse giant.
A PARCEL CARRIER. In blue jacket, with clean, ruddy
face. He talks with decision, impressively and dis-
tinctly.
The action takes place at the capital in the house of the
Svesdinzeffs.
ACT I.
The stage represents the hall of a wealthy hottse in
Moscow. Three doors : the outer door, the door of
LEONID FEDOROVITCH'S study, and the door of VASSILI
LKONIDITCH'S room. A stairway leads to the sitting
rooms ; back of the stairs a passage to the buffet.
SCENE I.
GREGORI (a young, handsome lackey j views himself in
the glass and makes himself fine).
Gregori. Too bad about that moustache. A
lackey, their highnesses say, must not have a
moustache. And why ? That everybody may
know you are a lackey. One might easily cut
out their darling son. Hm, bah ! even without
a moustache I can challenge him. ( Vieivs him-
self smiling in the glass.} And how many girls
run after me ! But I like none so well as this
Tania. Only a chambermaid! Well yes!
But still, prettier than the gracious young lady.
(Smiles.} And comely she is ! (Listens.} I
hear her coming! (Smiles.} And how
clatters with her heels . . Ha !
The Fruits of Culture
SCENE II.
GREGORI tf#<^TANiA with a fur jacket and bootlets.
Gregori. Your humble servant, Miss Ta-
tiana!
Tania. What, always before the glass ? You
surely think you are very handsome ?
Gregori. Am I then not good-looking ?
Tania. So so, neither handsome nor ugly,
something between the two. What's the mean-
ing of all these furs hanging about here ?
Gregori. I shall instantly remove them,
Miss. (He takes down a fur, puts it on Tania,
and embraces hcr.~) Tania, what I was going to
say to you . . .
Tania. Get you gone with your saying ! Is
this proper ? (She tears herself angrily away.}
I say, let me alone !
Gregori (looking around}. Do give me a-kiss !
Tania. What are you thinking, anyway ? I
will give you such a kiss. . . . (She lifts her
arm to strike.}
Vassili Leoniditch. (A bell rings behind the
scene, tJien he calls} Gregori !
Tania. You see ! Go in there, your master
calls !
The Fruits of Culture 9
Grcgori. He can wait; he has but just
opened his eyes. Tell me, why do you not love
me ?
Tania. What are you talking about loving ?
I love nobody !
Gregori. Not so! You love Semka! He
is of the right sort, a kitchen boy with red
paws !
Tania. Be he what he may, yet you are
jealous of him !
Vassili LeoniditcJi (behind tlie scene}. Greg-
ori !!
Gregori. You can wait! . . . It's worth while
to be jealous of him ! Is it for that you've
got your culture, to set your cap for him ? If
you loved me, that would be something . . .
Tania . . .
Tania (angry and severe}. I say it is all in
vain.
Vassili Leoniditch (behind the scene}. Greg-
ori !!!
Grcgori. You are awfully severe.
Vassili LeoniditcJi (behind the scene, calling
persistently, monotonously, and with all his
might). Gregori, Gregori, Gregori !
(TANIA and GREGORI laugh.)
io The Fruits of Culture
Oregon. If you knew what sort of girls have
been sweet on me !
( The bell rings.)
Tania. Go to your master now, and let me
alone.
Gregori. I see you are stupid. Of course,
I am not Semion.
Tania. Semion thinks of marrying, and not
of fooling.
SCENE III.
GREGORI, TANIA, and PARCEL CARRIER (carries a large
box with a dress).
Carrier. Good morning !
Gregori. Good morning ! From whom ?
Carrier. From Bourde the dress, and here
is a letter for the lady.
Tania (takes the letter}. Sit down, I will de-
liver it. (Exit.}
SCENE IV.
GREGORI, CARRIER, and VASSILI LEONIDITCH (appears
in shirt-sleeves and slippers at the door).
Vassili Leoniditch. Gregori !
Gregori. Command me, Sir !
Vassili Leoniditcli. Gregori, are you deaf ?
Tlic Fruits of Culture 1 1
Gregori. I have just come.
Vassili Lconiditcli. Warm water and tea !
Gregori, Semion will bring it immediately.
Vassili Leoniditch. And what's that ? From
Bourdiet ?
(Exeunt VASSILI LEONIDITCH and GREGORI. The bell
rings.}
Carrier. Your servant, Sir !
SCENE V.
CARRIER and TANIA (enters and opens the door).
Tania (to the Carrier ). Wait !
Carrier. I am waiting.
SCENE VI.
CARRIER, TANIA, and SACHATOFF (enters].
Tania. Pardon me, Sir, the lackey went
away this moment. But please to come nearer.
Permit me. (Takes off his fur.}
Sachatoff (arranging his dress). Is Leonid
Feclorovitch at home ? Already up ?
(The bell rings.}.
Tania. Certainly. Long ago !
12 The Fruits of Culture
SCENE VII.
The Same. The PHYSICIAN (enters}.
Physician (looking around for the lackey. He
cbservcs Sackatoff, deferential!}'}. Ah, I have
the honor?
Sachatoff (looking sharply}. The doctor, if I
mistake not ?
Physician. And I had thought you were
abroad. Did you come to see Leonid Fed'oro-
vitch ?
SacJiatoff. Yes. And you ? Is somebody ill
perhaps ?
Physician (smiling). Well, not exactly ill,
but you know what trouble we have with the
ladies ! Till three o'clock each day she sits at
the card table, and off and on indulges in a
class, too. And withal she is fat and stout,
O '
and carries a few years on her back moreover.
Sachatoff. Do you give Anna Pavlovna also
your diagnosis so plainly ? I imagine that
would hardly please her.
Physician (laugJiing}. What, am I not right ?
They indulge themselves in all sorts of ways,
impaired digestion follows, pressure on the
liver, nervous troubles, the whole train of
TJte Fruits of Culture 13
ills ; then we are to mend the mischief. They
give us no end of trouble ! (He smiles?) And
you, are you not also a Spiritualist ?
Sacliatoff. I ? No, I am not also a Spiritual-
ist. . . . Well, good bye ! (He wants to go ; the
physician holds him back.}
Physician. No, no, I don't entirely deny
Spiritualism either; if a man like Krugosvetloff
espouses the cause. How were it possible, too?
A professor, of European fame. Surely there
must be something in it. I should like to
attend one of their stances. But I cannot well
afford the time, one is so busy.
SacJiatoff. Yes, I readily believe you. Good
bye ! (Exit with a slight salute.}
Physician (to Tania). Up already ?
Tania. They are in the bedroom. Please,
just enter.
(SACHATOFF and the PHYSICIAN leave by different doors :)
SCENE VIII.
CARRIER, TANIA, and FEDOR IVANITCH (enters holding
a newspaper).
Fedor Ivanitch (to the Carrier}. What do you
want ?
14 The Fruits of Culture
Carrier. The dress from Bourde and a
letter. I was told to wait.
Fedor Ivanitch. Ah, from Bourdiet ! (To
Tania.} Who has just been here ?
Tania. Sachatoff and the doctor. They
stood here a little while and talked, only about
Spirituism.
Fedor Ivanitch (correcting}. About Spiritual-
ism.
Tania. I said so, about Spirituism. Have
you already heard, Fedor Ivanitch, how well
everything went off last time? (She 1 laughs.}
There were rappings, and things flew through
the air.
Fedor Ivanitch. How do you know that ?
Tania. The young lady said so.
SCENE IX.
TANIA, FEDOR IVANITCH, CARRIER, and JACOB, the
butler (rushing in with a glass of tea).
Jacob (to the Carrier). How do you do ?
Carrier (gloomy}. How do you do ?
(JACOB knocks at VASSILI LEONIDITCH'S door}
The Fruits of Culture 15
SCENE X.
The Same and GREGORI.
Gregori. Let me have it.
Jacob. The glasses of yesterday have not yet
been returned, nor the tray from Vassili Leoni-
ditch's. But I am held responsible.
Gregori. The tray is in his room, full of
cigarettes.
Jacob. Then put them somewhere else. For
I am asked for it.
Gregori. I'll fetch it, I'll fetch it !
Jacob. I'll fetch it, yes, where is it ? Just
when one needs it most it is not here.
Gregori. But, I tell you, I'll fetch it. Don't
make such a fuss !
Jacob. It's easy for you to talk, but I for
the third time I am ordered to serve tea, pre-
pare breakfast. Forever up and down, that's
the way it goes from day to day. Who works
harder than I in this house ? And always there
is fault to be found.
Gregori. Where is there a more efficient
person? Indeed, very efficient.
Tania. In your eyes there is but one who is
efficient, you . . .
1 6 The Fruits of Culture
Grcgori (to Tanid). You have not been
asked ! (Exit.)
SCENE XL
TANIA, JACOB, FEDOR IVANITCH, and the CARRIER.
Jacob. Well, it's all right, I don't feel hurt.
Miss Tatiana, didn't her ladyship have any-
thing at all to say about yesterday ?
Tania. About the lamp ?
Jacob. How was it possible that it could fall
out of my hand ! God knows. I was just
going to wipe it, barely touched it bang,
there it lay. All in small pieces. I am always
unlucky ! It's easy for Gregori Michailitch to
talk, he is single, but when one has a family
one must keep his senses together, if he
wants to be fed. I am not afraid of work.
So she hasn't said a word ? Thank God ! How
many tea-spoons have you, Fedor Ivanitch, one
or two ?
Fedor Ivanitch. One, one. (Reading the
newspaper.}
(Exit JACOB.)
The Fruits of Culture 17
SCENE XII.
TANIA, FEDOR IVANITCH, and the CARRIER. A bell
rings. GREGORI, with a tray, and the STEWARD
enter.
Steward (to Gregori). Tell his lordship, peas-
ants from the village are here.
Gregori (pointing to Fedor Ivanitch). Tell
the chamberlain, I have no time. (Exit.}
SCENE XIII.
TANIA, FEDOR IVANITCH, STEWARD, and the CARRIER.
Tania. Where do the peasants come from ?
Steward. From the neighborhood of Kursk,
I think.
Tania (squeals). It's they . . . That is Sem-
ion's father, on account of the land. I shall go
meet them. (Runs away.}
SCENE XIV.
FEDOR IVANITCH, the STEWARD, and the CARRIER.
Steivard. What's to be done ? Shall I ad-
mit them, or what ? They say on account of
the land, his lordship knows.
1 8 The Fruits of Culture
Fcdor Ivanitch. Yes, on account of the pur-
chase of the land. That is so. There is a vis-
itor with him now. Go say they must wait.
Steward. But where shall they wait ?
Fedor Ivanitch. They are to wait in the
court, I will have them called.
(Exit STEWARD.)
SCENE XV
FEDOR IVANITCH, TANIA, three peasants following her,
GREGORI, and the CARRIER.
Tania. To the right. Here, here !
Fedor Ivanitch. Did I not tell you not to
bring them here?
Gregori. Yes, yes, she is like quicksilver.
Tania. Never mind, Fedor Ivanitch,, they
will stand here in the corner.
Fcdor Ivanitch. They will soil everything.
Tania. They have scraped their feet, and I
will scrub again. (To the peasants.} Stand
here.
(The peasants enter, carrying bundles of wheat-bread,
eggs, and towels for presents. They are looking for
the crucifix in the corner. They cross themselves in
the direction of the stairs, bow before FEDOR IVAN-
ITCH, and stand tip stiffly against the wall.}
The Fruits of Ctilturc 19
Gregori (to Fedor Ivanitch). Fedor Ivanitch!
People say only Pironne can make bootlets;
just look at this one's boots ! (He points to the
third peasant in bast shoes.)
Fedor Ivanitch. You must always poke fun
at people.
(Exit GREGORI.)
SCENE XVI.
TANIA, FEDOR IVANITCH, and the three peasants.
Fedor Ivanitch (rises and approaches the peas-
ants). So you are from Kursk ? You have
come to see about that land purchase ?
First Peasant. So it is, Sir ! That is, so to
speak, we are here to complete the purchase of
the land. If his lordship could be told of this ?
Fedor IvanitcJi. Yes, yes, I understand, I
understand. Wait here, and I will at once let
him know. (Exit.)
SCENE XVII.
TANIA and the three peasants, VASSILI LEONIDITCH (be-
hind the scene). The peasants look around; they are
embarrassed, uncertain what to do with the presents.
First Peasant. What do you call it ... that
... I don't know what they call it ... on which
2O The Fruits of Culture
to put this, properly, so that it looks like some-
thing. A plate or what ?
Tania. Let me see, let me see. Just hand
it over, meanwhile it may lie here. (She puts
the things on the settee.}
First Peasant. What position, so to speak,
does the gentleman occupy who spoke to us ?
Tania. He is the chamberlain.
First Peasant. Simply, chamberman. That
means something like always around his lord-
ship. (To Tania.} And you, o to speak, are
you also of the service ?
Tania. I am the chambermaid. I too am
from Demba. And I know you, and you, too,
only this countryman I don't know. (She points
to the third peasant.}
Third Peasant. These you have recognized,
and me you do not recognize ?
Tania. Are you Jefim Antonitch ?
First Peasant. Real-ly !
Tania. And you are Sem ion's father, Sachar
Trifonitch ?
Second Peasant. Correct !
Third Peasant. And I, say I, Mitri Tchili-
kin. Do you know me now ?
Tania. Now I know you also.
Second Peasant. And to whom do you be-
long ?
TJie Fruits of Culture 21
Tania. I am the daughter of Aksinia, the
soldier's wife, an orphan.
First and Third Peasants, 'm, 'm ? !
Second Peasant. It's not without reason
they say : Go buy thee some swine, then dress
them up fine, in silk how they'll shine.
First Peasant. Real-ly. Just so, precisely
like a young lady.
TJiird Peasant. How that comes. Great
God!
Vassili Leoniditch (behind the scene. He rings
the bell, then calls). Gregori ! Gregori !
First Peasant. Who is getting so excited
there, so to speak ?
Tania. That's the young gentleman.
Third Peasant. Gracious God ! I said at
first, better wait outdoors until our turn comes.
(Pause!)
Second Peasant. So it is you Semion wants
to take for wife ?
Tania. Did he write ? (Hides behind her
apron.)
Second Peasant. Of course he wrote ! He
is not in his senses ! The boy, I see, has be-
come a fine gentleman.
Tania (lively}. He has not become a fine
gentleman at all. Shall I send him here ?
22 The Fruits of Culture
Second Peasant. Why send him here ?
There's no hurry. We shall see each other yet!
(VASSILI LEONIDITCH is heard calling in despair :
" Gregori ! The dei'il take you!' 1 ''}
SCENE XVIII.
The Same. (VASSILI LEONIDITCH 'comes through the
door in his shirt-sleeves. He adjusts his eyeglasses.}
Vassili Leoniditch. Is the house deserted ?
Tania. He is not here, Vassili Leoniditch.
I'll have him called at once. (Goes towards the'
door.}
Vassili Leoniditch. I hear talking. What
sort of scarecrows are these ? What ? Eh ?
Tania. These are peasant people from a
village in Kursk, Vassili Leoniditch.
Vassili LeoniditcJi (pointing to the Carrier].
And that one? Ah, yes, from Bourdiet. (Tlie
peasants boiv.}
(VASSILI LEONIDITCH pays no attention to them. GRE-
GORI comes towards TANIA at the door. TANIA re-
mains.}
SCENE XIX.
The Same and GREGORI.
Vassili Leoniditch. Did I not tell you the
other shoes ? I cannot wear these !
The Fruits of Culture 23
Gregori. The others are there also.
Vassili Leoniditch. Where is there ?
Gregori. Well, also there.
Vassili Leoniditch. You lie !
Gregori. You will see.
(Exeunt VASSILI LEONIDITCH and GREGORI.)
SCENE XX.
TANIA, the three peasants, and the CARRIER.
Third Peasant. And .maybe, I say, this is
not the right time, then we can go to our lodg-
ings and wait there.
Tania. No, just wait. I will get you some
plates for your presents. (Exit.}
SCENE XXI.
The Same. SACHATOFF, LEOXID FEDOROVITCH, fol-
lowed by FEDOR IVANITCH.
( The peasants take up their presents and get into posi-
tion?)
Leonid FedorovitcJi (to the peasants). In a
minute, in a minute, just wait (Pointing to
the Carrier.} Who is that ?
Carrier. From Bourde.
Leonid Fedorovitch. Ah, from Bourdiet !
24 The Fruits of Culture
Sachatoff (smiling). I don't exactly deny it ;
but you will admit that those of us who have not
witnessed all this you are telling about, and
uninitiated as we are, can hardly believe it.
Leonid Fcdorovitch. You say : I cannot be-
lieve it. But neither do we demand faith. We
demand examination. Is it possible that I
should not believe in this ring? And I got
this ring from there.
Sachatoff. Where is from there ? Where,
where ?
Leonid Fedorovitch. From the beyond.
Yes.
Sachatoff (smiling). Exceedingly interesting,
exceedingly interesting !
Leonid Fedorovitch. Well, then, you think I
am too enthusiastic, that I see by imagination
what is not ; but Alexei Vladimirovitch Kru-
gosvetloff ! He surely is no second-rate man,
he is a professor and he also admits it. And
he does not stand alone either. Crookes and
Wallace ?
SacJiatoff. Indeed, I do not deny. I only
say it is exceedingly interesting. I should like
to know, too, how Krugosvetloff explains it.
Leonid Fedorovitch. He has his own theory!
But do come and see us this evening ; he will
The Fruits of Culture 25
surely be here. First Grossmann . . . You
know, the celebrated mind-reader.
Sachatoff. Yes, I have heard of him ; but I
have never seen him.
Leonid Fedorovitch. Come then. First
Grossmann, then Kaptchitch, and our medium-
istic stance. ... (To Fedor Ivanitch.} Has the
messenger not yet returned from Kaptchitch ?
Fedor Ivanitch. He is not yet back.
Sachatoff. How am I to know then-?
Leonid Fedorovitch. .Just come, in any case
come. Even if Kaptchitch should not be pres-
ent, we will get our medium. Maria Ignatievna
is a medium ; to be sure, not such a good one
as Kaptchitch, but nevertheless . . .
SCENE XXII.
The Same and TANIA. (She goes to the presents with the
plates and listens to the conversation?)
Sachatoff (smiling). Yes, yes. But tell me
one thing: how is it that the mediums invari-
ably belong to the so-called cultured sphere?
Kaptchitch, Maria Ignatievna. If this is a
special force, we ought to meet it also among
the common people, among the peasants.
Leonid Fedorovitch. Such is the case, too.
26 The Fruits of Culture
It is very often the case. We have one peasant
in the house, and he is a medium. We called
him recently during the stance. The sofa was
to be moved, and we had no thou'ght of him.
And he probably must have fallen asleep. Now
imagine. Our stance was already approaching
its end ; Kaptchitch awoke. Suddenly we ob-
serve in the other corner of the room, where
the peasant is sitting, mediumistic phenomena :
the table moves from the spot and begins to
walk.
Tania (aside). That was when I crept from
under the table.
Leonid FcdorovitcJi. Plainly he is also a
medium. The more so as he very much re-
sembles Home. Do you remember Home ? the
blonde man with the innocent face ?
Sachaioff (shrugging Ids sJioulders}. Indeed,
that is very interesting. Of course you must
make your experiments with him.
Leonid FedorovitcJi. We are going to do
that, too. And he is -not the only one. There
are mediums without number. Only we don't
know them. It is but a few days since an in-
valid old lady moved a wall from the spot.
Sathatoff. Moved a wall from the spot ?
Leonid Fedorovitch. Yes, yes. She was
The Fruits of Cult urn 27
lying in bed, and had no idea that she was a
medium. She propped herself with her hand
against the wall, and the wall moved from the
spot.
Sacliatoff. And did not cave in ?
Leonid Fedorovitch. And did not cave in.
Sachatoff. Strange ! Very well, I will come
in the evening !
Leonid Fedorovitch. Just come, just come,
the stance will take place in any case.
(SACHATOFF gets ready, LEONID FEDOROVITCH accom-
panies him to the door.)
SCENE XXIII.
The Same except SACHATOFF.
Carrier (to Tania). Will you not announce
me to her ladyship ? I surely can't stay here
over night !
Tania. Wait. Her ladyship and the young
lady intend taking a drive ; they must pass this
way. (Exit^)
SCENE XXIV.
The Same except TANIA.
Leonid Fedorovitch. (approaches tJie peasants ;
they bow before him and offer their presents],
That is not necessary !
28 The Fruits of Culture
First Peasant (smiling}. It is our first duty.
Besides, the commune told us to.
Second Peasant. It is customary so.
Third Peasant. It's ..not worth while to
waste many words . . . We are very contented . . .
As our fathers, I say, served your fathers, I say,
so also we wish from the bottom of our heart,
not that we would . . . (He bows.}
. Leonid Fedorovitcli. What now ? What do
you want ?
First Peasant. We want to see your lord-
ship.
SCENE XXV.
The Same and PETRISTCHEFF (enters quickly, in a gray
cloak).
Petristcheff. Is Vassili Leoniditch up yet ?
(He sees Leonid Fedorovitch, and salutes him
with a nod of the head.)
Leonid Fedorovitch. You wish to speak with
my son ?
PetristcJieff. I ? Yes, I wished to see Wowo
a minute !
Leonid Fedorovitch. Please to pass along.
i
(PETRISTCHEFF takes off Ms cloak, and walks quickly
away.)
The Fruits of Culture 29
SCENE XXVI.
The Same except PETRISTCHEFF.
Leonid Fedorovitch (to tJie peasants). Well,
now. What do you want ?
Second Peasant. Please accept our presents.
First Peasant (smiling). That is, the gifts
from the village.
Third Peasant. And without wasting words
it's not worth while. We wish you every-
thing that is good, as to a father. And without
wasting words !
Leonid Fedorovitch. Very well. . . . Fedor,
take them !
Fedor Ivanitch. All right, let me have them
(takes the presents).
Leonid' Fedorovitch. What business brings
you here ?
First Peasant. We come to your lordship.
Leonid Fedorovitch. I see that you come to
me ; but what do you want ?
First Peasant. To complete the purchase.
The question is ...
Leonid Fedorovitch. How, do you want to
purchase the land, or what ?
First Peasant. Real-ly, so it is. The ques-
30 The Fruits of Culture
tion is ... that is, to acquire the land as our
property. And the commune has empowered
us, so to speak, to go to the imperial bank, as
is customary, and get a stamp at the prescribed
price.
Leonid Fedorovitch. That is, you want to
buy the land through the mediation of the bank,
is that not so, or how ?
First Peasant. So it is, as you proposed to
us in the summer. The whole sum that must
be got together, if the land is to become our
property, amounts to 32,864 roubles.
Leonid Fedorovitcli. Very well, but how
about the payment ?
First Peasant. And the payment, as was
agreed in the summer, the commune proposes
to divide into installments and cash down, as
is written in the law, 4000 roubles on a table.
Second Peasant. That is, the 4000 roubles
cash now, and the rest later.
Third Peasant (producing tJic money mean-
while}. You can believe we pledge ourselves
personally, and it will surely not be that . . .
and, I say, so or so, or this, I say ... all that
is right.
Leonid Fedorovitch. But I wrote you that I
would agree only on condition that you get the
whole sum together.
The Fniits of Culture 31
First Peasant. Yes, real-ly, that would surely
be better ; but, that is, it is impossible.
Leonid Fedorovitch. What's to be done,
then ?
First Peasant. The commune had hoped,
so to speak, as you proposed in the summer, to
pay by installments . . .
Leonid Fedorovitch. That was last year;
then I agreed to it, but now I cannot . . .
Second Peasant. But that won't do. You
gave us hope, we prepared the document, and
got the money together.
Third Peasant. Have mercy, Sir ! Our
land is small, hardly a hen not to say any-
thing of cattle hardly a hen, I say, has room.
(He bows.} Do not transgress, Sir. (Bows.}
Leonid FedorovitcJi. It is true I agreed to
payment by installments last year, but circum-
stances ... so that I cannot well do it now.
Second Peasant. We need the land to sup-
port life.
First Peasant. Real-ly, without the land our
life is forfeited and doomed.
Third Peasant (bows). Sir ! The land is
small, hardly a hen not to say anything of
cattle hardly a hen, I say, has room ! Sir,
have mercy ! Take the money, Sir !
32 The Fruits of Culture
Leonid FedorovitcJi (Jms looked at the paper
meanwhile). I understand you, I should my-
self gladly help you. Wait here. I will give
you an answer in half an hour. Fedor, see
that no one is admitted.
Fedor Ivanitch. Very well, your lordship.
(Exit LEONID FEDOROVITCH.)
SCENE XXVII.
The Same except LEONID FEDOROVITCH. ( The peasants
are depressed.}
Second Peasant. A fine affair ! To give
the whole, he says. Yes, where get it ?
First Peasant. If he had not given us hope
in the summer. So we believed, real-ly, it
would be as we had agreed in the summer.
TJiird Peasant. Gracious God ! And I
have already taken out the money. (He rolls
tJic money up again.} What are we to do now ?
Fedor Ivanitch. What is the business that
brought you here?
First Peasant. Our business, dear sir, is, so
to speak, somewhat like this : He proposed to
us in the summer to pay by installments ; the
commune agreed to this, and gave us power to
act; and now he proposes, so to speak, that we
The Fruits of Culture 33
pay the whole sum cash down. Well, now, that
is quite impossible.
Fedor Ivanitcli. How much money have
you ?
First Peasant. For the first payment 4000
roubles, that is, all in all.
Fedor Ivanitch. Well ? Make an effort, get
more together.
First Peasant. We have already been from
house to house. The people have no brains in
their head, Sir.
Second Peasant. Where there is nothing,
the emperor has lost his right.
Third Peasant. We should indeed like to,
with our whole heart. But we have already had
to get this together by force.
SCENE XXVIII.
The Same, VASSILI LEONIDITCH, and PETRISTCHEFF
(/;/ the door, both with cigarettes}.
Vassili Leoniditch. I have already said that
I will try. I will try as far as lies in my power.
Well?
PetristcJieff. Only consider, if you do not
get it, the devil knows how badly it may go
with us !
34 The Fruits of Culture
Vassili Leoniditch. I have said once I will
try, and then it will be done, too. Eh ?
PctristcJicff. Very well. I only say you
must get it at all hazards. I will wait. (Exit,
closing the door behind him.}
SCENE XXIX.
The Same except PETRISTCHEFF.
Vassili Leoniditch (with a movement of the
hand}. The devil knows what that is.
(The peasants bow.)
Vassili Leoniditch (seeing the Carrier, to Fedor
Ivanitch\ Why do you not dismiss the man
from Bourdiet ? Or perhaps he has taken his
lodgings with us altogether? Just see, he has
fallen asleep. Eh ?
Fedor IvanitcJi. The letter is already deliv-
ered. He was told to wait until Anna Pavlovna
comes.
Vassili Leoniditch (looks over to the peasants,
and views the money with covetous eyes) Ah J
what's that? Money? For whom? Money for
us ? ( To Fedor IvanitcJi} Who are these people ?
Fedor Ivanitch. They are countrymen from
the neighborhood of Kursk ; they want to buy
land.
77/i? Fruits of Culture 35
Vassili Leoniditch. Well, how is it, is the
sale already completed ?
Fedor Ivanitch. No, there is no agreement
yet. They are very miserly.
Vassili Leoniditch. So? We must talk to
them. (To tJtc peasants.} Well, will you pur-
chase, eh ?
First Peasant. Real-ly, we propose that it
shall be so that we possess land as our prop-
erty.
Vassili Leoniditch. Then you must not be
so miserly. Listen, you know how much the
peasant needs land! Eh? Very much.
First Peasant. Real-ly, land is the most im-
portant thing to the peasant. That is true.
Vassili Leoniditch. You must not be miserly
then. For what does land signify? On the
land you can sow wheat in beds, you see. You
can get 300 poods, the pood a rouble, 300 rou-
bles, eh? ... And, then, just think of mint, I
tell you you can make a thousand roubles to a
desjatine.
First Peasant. Real-ly, quite truly, one can
raise all products when one knows how.
Vassili Leoniditch. Mint, then, mint. For
I have studied that, that is printed in the books.
I will show you. Eh ?
36 The Fruits of Culture
First Peasant. Real-ly, all that is to be
learned better out of books. Culture is every-
thing.
Vassili Leoniditch. Purchase then, don't
be miserly, and give the money. (To Fedor
Ivanitch}. Where is papa ?
Fedor Ivanitch. In his room. He wished
not to be disturbed now.
Vassili Leoniditch. What, he is surely ask-
ing the spirits whether he shall sell the land or
not ? Eh ?
Fedor Ivanitch. I cannot say. I know that
he went away undecided.
Vassili Leoniditch. What do you think,
Fedor Ivanitch, has he money ? Eh ?
Fedor Ivanitch. I do not know. Hardly.
Why do you wish to know that ? Did you not
get a nice check last week ?
Vassili LeoniditcJi. I spent that for the
dogs. And now, you know, our new club,
Petristcheff is elected, and I had some money
from Petristcheff, and now I must pay the initi-
ation fee for him and for myself. Eh ?
Fedor Ivanitch. Of which new club are you
speaking? Of the Bicycle Club ?
Vassili Leoniditch. No, I will tell you pres-
ently : an entirely new club. A very serious
The Fruits of Culture 37
club, I tell you. And do you know who the
chairman is ? Eh ?
Fedor Ivanitcli. But what kind of a new
club ?
Vassili Leoniditch. A club for the breeding
of old Russian shock dogs. Eh ? And I tell
you : to-night is our first meeting and banquet.
And I have no money ! I want to see him ! I
will try ! (Exit tJirough tlie door.}
SCENE XXX.
The peasants, FEDOR IVANITCH, and the CARRIER.
First Peasant (to Fedor Ii'anitch}. Who is
that, Sir ?
Fedor Ii'anitch (smiling). The young gentle-
man.
Third Peasant. The son of the house, so to
speak. Gracious God ! (He puts away the
money.} One must put it away while it is yet
time, I see.
First Peasant. And we have been told that
he serves in the military, in the cavalry, so to
speak.
Fedor Ivanitch. No, as the only son he is
exempt from military service.
Third Peasant. Suffered to stay home, let
38 The Fruits of Culture
us say, for the support of his parents. That
is right.
Second Peasant (nodding ivith his head).
And he will support them, there's not a word
to waste over that.
Third Peasant. Gracious God !
SCENE XXXI.
FEDOR IVANITCH, the three peasants, VASSILI LEONI-
DITCH, followed by LEONID FEDOROVITCH, who re-
mains at the door.
Vassili Leoniditch. It is always so. Truly
remarkable. First they say, why have you no
employment and then, when I have found a
field of activity and am at work if a serious
club is founded for a noble purpose, then 300
beggarly roubles cannot be spared ! . . .
Leonid Fedorovitch. When I say I cannot, I
cannot. I haven't got it.
Vassili Leoniditch. But you have sold land.
Leonid Fedorovitch. In the first place, I
haven't sold anything, and above all, leave
me in peace. You have already heard that I
haven't any time. (Slams the door.)
The Fruits of Culture 39
SCENE XXXII.
The Same except LEONID FEDOROVITCH.
Fedor Ivanitch. I told you at first this was
not the right time.
Vassili Leoniditch. A nice scrape to get
into, eh ? I'll go to mamma ; she is my last
hope. That's what I call going mad on Spirit-
ualism, and forgetting all else. (He goes up-
stairs^)
(FEDOR IVANITCH sits down and takes up a newspaper).
SCENE XXXIII.
The Same, BETSY and MARIA KONSTANTINOVNA come
downstairs; GREGORI follows them.
Betsy. Is the carriage ready ?
Gregori. It is just driving up.
Betsy (to Maria Konstantinovna}. Let us
go, let us go. I saw it was he.
Maria Konstantinovna. Which he ?
Betsy. You know very well Petristcheff.
Maria Konstantinovna. But where is he
then ?
Betsy. He is with Wowo ; you will soon
see.
4O The Fruits of Culture
Maria Konstantinovna. And if it is not he ?
(The peasants and the Carrier bow.}
Betsy (to the Carrier}. Ah, you are from
Bourdiet with the dress.
Carrier. Yes, gracious miss. May it please
you to attend to this matter.
Betsy. I know nothing about it. That is
mamma's affair.
Carrier. I am not expected to know that.
I have orders to deliver the goods and receive
the money.
Betsy. Wait, then.
Maria Konstantinovna. Is it the costume
for the charade again ?
Betsy. Yes, a charming costume. And
mamma will not take it and will not pay for it.
Maria Konstantinovna. And why ?
Betsy. You must ask mamma about that.
To give Wowo 500 roubles for dogs, that is not
too much ; and 100 roubles for a dress is too
much. I surely can't appear as a scarecrow.
(Pointing to tJie peasants?) And who are these
people ?
Gregori. Peasants ; land, I believe, they
want to buy.
Betsy. I thought hunters ; are they not
hunters ?
The Fruits of Culture 41
First Peasant. Surely not, lady, we have
come to Leonid Fedorovitch for the purpose of
completing the act of the purchase of the land.
Betsy. How is it, hunters were to have
come to Wowo? And are you surely not hun-
ters? (The peasants are silent?) How stupid
they are ! (She goes to the door.} Wowo !
(Laughs.)
Maria Konstantinovna. You have just met
him.
Betsy. That was a clever stroke! . . . Wowo,
are you in there ?
SCENE XXXIV.
The Same and PETRISTCHEFF.
Pctristcheff. Wowo is not here ; but I am
willing, in his stead, to do all that is desired.
I salute you! I salute you, Maria Konstanti-
novna ! (He first shakes Betsy's hand long and
vigorously, then Maria Konstantinovna s?)
Second Peasant. Just see, as if he were
pumping water.
Betsy. You cannot represent him, but at any
rate it's better than nothing. (She laughs.}
What's the business you have with Wowo?
Petr'istcheff. Business ? Fi nancial busi-
42 The Fruits of Culture
ness, that is, our business is fi ! and at the same
time nancial business, and besides financial
business.
Betsy. What is the meaning of nancial
business, anyway?
Petristcheff. A fine question ! That's the
joke of it, that it means nothing.
Betsy. Well, that I call missing the mark,
missing it awfully. (TJiey laugh.}
Petristcheff. It is impossible for one always
to hit the bull's eye. That is a kind of lottery.
A blank, and again a blank, and for once, per-
haps, the capital prize.
(Exit FEDOR IVANITCH into LEONID FEDOROVITCH'S
study.)
SCENE XXXV.
The Same except FEDOR IVANITCH.
Betsy. That was missing the mark. Tell
me, were you at Mergassoff's yesterday ?
Petristcheff. Not at Mere Gassoff's, rather at
Pere Gassoff's, and not at Pere Gassoff's, either,
but at Fits Gassoff's.
Betsy. Is it utterly impossible for you to
suppress these jeu de mots ? That is an invet-
erate vice. Were there gypsies there also ?
(She laughs?)
The Fruits of Culture 43
Petristcheff (sings). " Auf den Schiirzen
Hdhnelein Mit den goldenen Kammelein "
Betsy, Happy people ! And we were bored
at Fofo's.
PctristcJieff (continues singing}. " Und ver-
sprach ihr susses Mundchen Mir" ... How
does it go ? Maria Konstantinovna, how does
it go ?
Maria Konstantinovna. " Mir ein holdes
SchafersUindchen "...
Petristcheff. What? What? Maria Kon-
stantinovna ? (He laughs.}
Betsy. Ccssez, vous devenez impossible !
Petristclieff. J'aicesse',j'aibebe',faide'de'. . .
Betsy. I see but one means of escaping your
jests I must let you sing. Come with me to
Wowo's room ; he has a guitar, too. Come,
Maria Konstantinovna, come !
(BETSY, MARIA KONSTANTIXOVNA, and PETRISTCHEFF
go away into VASSILI LEONIDITCH'S room.)
SCENE XXXVI.
GREGORI, the three peasants, and the CARRIER.
First Peasant. To whom do these belong ?
Gregori. The one is the young miss ; the
other the music teacher; she gives music
lessons.
44 The Fruits of Culture
First Peasant. She occupies herself, so to
speak, with study. And how accurate she is !
As if painted.
Second Peasant. Why don't they marry ?
She is surely of the right age.
Gregori. You think, as among you, that the
right age is fifteen years ?
First Peasant. And the young fellow there
is, so to speak, a musician ?
Grcgori (mocking him}. Musician ! . . . You
know simply nothing. ,
Pirzt Peasant. Real-ly true, that is our igno-
rance, our want of culture, so to speak.
Third Peasant. Gracious God !
(Gypsy songs accompanied by the guitar are heard in
VASSILI LEOXIDITCH'S room.)
SCENE XXXVII.
GREGORI, the three peasants, the CARRIER. SEMION
enters ; he is followed by TAXIA. TANIA watches
the meeting of father and son.
Gregori (to Scmioii). Where do you come
from ?
Semion. I was at Mr. Kaptchitch's.
Gregori. Well, how is it ?
Semion. He asked me to say it was quite
impossible for him to come to-day.
The Fruits of Culture 45
Gregori. Very well, I will deliver the mes-
sage. (Exit.*)
SCENE XXXVIII.
The Same except GREGORI.
Semion (to fits father}. Welcome, little father.
Uncle Jefim, Uncle Mitri I salute you. Is
all well at home ?
Second Peasant. Welcome, Semion !
First Peasant. Welcome, fellow-brother !
Third Peasant. Welcome, boy ! How goes
it?
Semion (friendly}. Well, little father, shall
we go and drink tea ?
Second Peasant. Wait, we want to get
through first. Don't you see that we are busy
now ?
Semion. Well, then, I will wait at the door.
(He goes.}
Tania (fol/oius him}. Why didn't you say a
word ?
Semion. How can I talk here, before all the
people ? Only have patience ; once at tea, and
I will talk. (Exit.)
46 The Fruits of Culture
SCENE XXXIX.
The Same except SEMIOX. FEDOR IVANITCH enters and
sits down by the window with a newspaper.
First Peasant. Well, Sir, how is it with our
affair ?
Fedor Ivanitch. Have patience, he will come
presently, he will soon be ready.
Tania (to Fedor IvanitcJi}. How do you know,
Fedor Ivanitch, that he will soon be ready ?
Fedor IvanitcJi. O, I know, when the ques-
tions are at an end, he reads aloud to himself
question and answer.
Tania. Is it really true, then, that one can
talk with spirits through a small plate ?
Fedor Ivanitch. It must be so.
Tania. How, if they tell him he ought to
sign ? Will he then really sign ?
Fedor IvanitcJi. And what do you mean ?
Tania. They do not speak in words, do
they ?
Fedor IvanitcJi. In letters. The letter at
which they stop, that he makes a note of.
Tania. And at the stance ? .
The Fruits of Culture 47
SCENE XL.
The Same and LEONID FEDOROVITCH.
Leonid Fedorovitch. Well, my dear friends,
I cannot; I should very gladly have done it,
but it is impossible. If you have the whole
sum, that's another thing.
First Peasant. Yes, real-ly, that would surely
be better. But the people are weak, it is quite
impossible.
Leonid Fedorovitch. I cannot, it is impossi-
ble. Here is your paper, I cannot sign it.
Third Peasant. Have mercy, Sir, have
mercy !
Second Peasant. How can one act so? It's
an insult.
Leonid Fedorovitch. It is not an insult, chil-
dren. I asked you in the summer : do you want
to ? Then it's a bargain. You did not want to,
now I cannot.
Third Peasant. Sir, have mercy ! How are
we to live? Our land is small, hardly a hen
not to say anything of cattle hardly a hen, I
say, has room.
(LEONID FEDOROVITCH goes and remains standing in
. the door.)
48 The Fruits of Culture
SCENE XLI.
The Same. HER LADYSHIP and the PHYSICIAN come
downstairs. VASSILI LEONIDITCH follows them in
a cheerful mood ; he puts money in his pocket-book.
Her Ladyship (tightly laced, with hat on}. To
be taken internally, then ?
Physician. To be taken by all means if the
symptoms are repeated. But above all lead a
more sensible life. How do you expect a thick
syrup to pass through a capillary tube if, be-
sides, you press the tube together ? That is
impossible! It is the same with the alimentary
canal ! That is surely simple enough.
Her Ladyship. Yes, indeed, indeed !
Physician. Indeed, you say, and everything
remains the same. That will not do, your
ladyship, that will not- do. Good bye !
Her Ladyship. Not good bye, but au revoir !
I shall surely expect you in the evening. With-
out you I cannot come to a decision.
Physician. Very well, very well, if I have
time, I shall come. (Exit.}
The Fruits of Cttltttrc 49
SCENE XLII.
The Same except the PHYSICIAN.
Her Ladyship (observing the peasants). What
does this mean ? What is this ? What sort of
people are these ?
(The peasants bow.)
Fedor IvanitcJi, They are countrymen from
the region of Kursk ; they have come to his
lordship to buy land.
Her Ladyship. I see they are countrymen,
but who admitted them ?
Fedor Ivanitch. Leonid Fedorovitch gave
orders. He has just talked with them about
the sale 'of the land.
Her Ladyship. What sale ? We don't need
to sell anything. And above all -haw can
one admit persons from the street into' this
house ! How can one admit persons from the
street! One does not admit persons into the
house who have passed the night God knows
where. . . . (She gets more and more excited.}
In their garments, I suppose, every little fold is
full of microbes : scarlatina microbes, small-pox
microbes, diphtheria microbes ! For are they
not from Kursk, the province of Kursk, where
5O The Fruits of Culture
diphtheria is epidemic ! . . . Doctor, doctor !
Call the doctor back !
(Exit LEONID FEDOROVITCH ; he locks the door behind
him. GREGORI follows the PHYSICIAN.)
SCENE XLIII.
The Same except LEONID FEDOROVITCH and GREGORI.
Vassili Leoniditch (bloivs the cigar-smoke at
the peasants}. Calm yourself, mamma; if you
wish, I will smoke them so that all the microbes
will expire. Well ?
(HER LADYSHIP is persistently silent; she awaits the
return of the PHYSICIAN.)
Vassili Leoniditch (to the peasants). Do you
breed hogs ? That is a profitable business.
First Peasant. Real-ly, sometimes we also
raise hogs.
Vassili Leoniditch. Such . . . i-u . . . i-u
(He grunts like a sticking pig.}
Her Ladyship. Wowo, Wowo ! Stop.
Vassili Leoniditch. A good pig baby, eh ?
First Peasant. Real-ly, a good sucking pig.
Her Ladyship. Wowo, stop, I tell you !
Second Peasant. What's that for?
Third Peasant. I told you in the first place
that we ought meantime to go to our lodgings.
The Fruits of Culture 51
SCENE XLIV.
The Same, the PHYSICIAN, and GREGORI.
Physician. What's up now ? What's the
matter.
Her Ladyship. You always say one must
not get excited. Now how can one remain
calm here ? For two whole months I do not
visit my sister, and guard myself against every
questionable visit. Suddenly I find people from
Kursk, straight from Kursk where diphtheria
rages, right in my own house !
Physician. Do you mean these splendid fel-
lows ?
Her Ladyship. Certainly, right from the
diphtheria district.
Physician. Yes, if they are from the diph-.
theria district, it is indeed careless; but one
need not get so excited over it.
Her LadysJiip. But you yourself always
caution us to be careful !
Physician. Yes, yes, but nevertheless one
need not get so excited over it.
Her Ladyship. How can you say that ? We
must have everything thoroughly disinfected
now.
52 The Fruits of Culture
Physician. No, no, why, thoroughly, that is
too expensive, that would cost 300 roubles and
more. Let me fix it for you. To one large
bottle of water . . .
Her Ladysliip. Distilled ?
Physician. Quite immaterial. Distilled is
better Well, then, to each bottle of water
take a tablespoonful of salicylic acid, and have
everything washed with it which they in any
way have touched ; and these fellows them-
selves must of course leave. That will suffice.
Then you need not fear anything. Of this
solution you may also spray two or three
glassfuls into the air with the atomizer. You
shall see how well everything will be. Quite
harmless.
Her Ladyship. Where is Tania ? Call
Tania !
SCENE XLV.
The Sa>ne and TAXIA.
Tania. What does her ladyship wish ?
Her Ladyship. Do you know the big bottle
in the wardrobe ?
Tania. With which we sprinkled the wash-
woman yesterday ?
Her Ladyship. Yes, that, what other one ?
The Fruits of Culture' 53
Take that bottle, then ; first wash the spot
where they are standing with soap, then . . .
Tania. Very well. I know, I know.
Her Ladyship. Then take the atomizer . . .
However, I will come back and do that myself.
Physician. Only do that, and trouble your-
self no further. An revoir, now, until evening.
(Exit.)
SCENE XLVI.
The Same except the PHYSICIAN.
Her Ladyship. And with these away, away,
that not a trace of them may remain. Away,
away ! Go, what are you staring at ?
First Peasant. Real-ly, in our ignorance, we
were told . . .
Gregori (leading the peasants away). Now,
go, go !
Second Peasant. Only let me take my bun-
dle.
Third Peasant. Gracious God ! I said at
the start we ought to wait at our lodgings.
(Gregori pushes him out.)
54 The Fruits of Culture
SCENE XLVII.
HER LADYSHIP, GREGORI, FEDOR IVANITCH, TANIA,
VASSILI LEONIDITCH, and ike CARRIER.
Carrier (w/to has repeatedly attempted to
speak}. Am I to have an answer ?
Her Ladyship. Ah, he from Bourdiet ?
(Angrily?) There is no answer, there is no
answer, take it back with you. I told him I
did not order such a costume, and I will not
allow my daughter to wear it.
Carrier. I know nothing about it ; I was
sent here.
Her Ladyship. Just go, go, and take it with
you again. I will go there myself.
Vassili Leoniditch (soleinn/y}. Sir Messenger
of Bourdiet, begone !
Carrier. You might have said that long
ago. Was it necessary for me to wait here five
hours ? !
Vassili LeoniditcJi. Messenger of Bourdiet,
begone !
Her Ladyship. Hush, now, I beg you !
(Exit CARRIER.)
The Fruits of Culture 55
SCENE XLVIII.
The Same except the CARRIER.
Her Ladyship. Betsy! Where is she? One
must always wait for her.
Vassili Leoniditch (screams at the top of his
voice). Betsy ! Petristcheff ! Come quicker,
quicker, quicker ! Eh ?
i
SCENE XLIX.
The Same, PETRISTCHEFF, BETSY, and MARIA KON-
STANTIXOVNA.
Her Ladyship. One must always wait for
you.
Betsy. On the contrary, I am waiting for
you.
(PETRISTCHEFF salutes only with a nod of his head and
kisses HER LADYSHIP'S hand.)
Her Ladyship. How do you do ? (To Betsy.}
You must always talk back !
Betsy. If you are not in good humor, mamma,
I would rather not drive out with you.
Her Ladyship. Are we going to take a drive
or not ?
56 The Fruits of Culture
Betsy. Say we drive, then ; what else ?
. Pier Ladyship. Have you seen what the man
from Bourdiet brought ?
Betsy. I have seen it, and I was delighted
with it. I ordered the costume, and will wear
it when it is paid for.
Her Ladyship. I will not pay for it, and I
will not permit you to wear an improper cos-
tume.
Betsy. Since when is it improper ? Until
now it was proper ; suddenly you have a fit of
prudery.
Her Ladysliip. No prudery whatever ; if the
entire waist is fixed over, it may do.
Betsy. Mamma, that is certainly impossible.
Her LadysJiip. Well, get ready.
(They sit down. GREGOUI puts on their overshoes.}
Vassili Lconiditch. Maria Konstantinovna,
do you see how empty the hall has become ?
Maria Konstantinovna (laughing). What do
you mean ?
Vassili Leoniditch. The man from Bourdiet
is gone. Eh ? Well ? (LaugJis loud.}
Her Ladyship. Let us start then. (She
walks towards the door and suddenly returns^}
Tania !
The Fruits of Culture 57
Tania. What does your ladyship wish ?
Her LadysJiip. That Fifka may not catch
cold during my absence. If he should desire
to go out, by all means put the yellow cloak
around him. He is not quite well.
Tania. Very well, your ladyship.
(Exeunt HER LADYSHIP, BETSY. MARIA KONSTANTI-
NOVNA, and GREGORI.)
SCENE L.
PETRISTCHEFF, VASSILI LEONIDITCH, TANIA, and
FEDOR IVANITCH.
Petristchcff. Well, how is it ? What have
you accomplished ?
Vassili Lconiditcli. I tell you it cost a lot
of trouble. First I went to my sire he
growled at me and sent me away. Then, to
my mother there I got it. Here it is. (He
slaps his pocket.} When I take anything into
my head, I am simply irresistible. . . . Hooks of
steel ! Eh ? And now my wolf-killers will of
course be brought to-day.
(Exeunt PETRISTCHEFF and VASSILI LEOXIDITCH, taking
their overcoats. TANIA follows them}
58 The Fruits of Culture
SCENE LI.
FEDOR IVANITCH alone.
Fedor Ivanitch. Continual discord. Why
can't they live in peace ? Yes, one must admit,
the young generation is after all something-
different. And the rule of woman? At first
Leonid Fedorovitch would gladly have favored
the peasants ; then he saw her going into hys-
terics and slammed the door to. A rare good
man ! Yes, rarely good ! . . . What's this ?
Tania brings them back ?
SCENE LII.
FEDOR IVANITCH, TANIA, and the three peasants.
Tania. Just come, just come, little uncles,
no harm.
Fedor Ivanitch. Why have you brought
them here again ?
Tania. Pray, dear Fedor Ivanitch, we must
surely do something for them. And I will
scrub up everything again.
Fedor Ivanitch. Nothing will come of their
case ; I can see it already.
The Fruits of Culture 59
First Peasant. Well, Sir, shall we settle our
matter ? If your grace will take a little trouble,
we will surely show ourselves richly grateful
on behalf of the commune in reward for your
trouble.
Third Peasant. Will you not try, dear Sir ?
We cannot live. Our land is small, hardly a
hen not to say anything of cattle hardly a
hen, I say, has room.
(They bow.}
Fedor Ivanitcli. I really pity you, but I can-
not do anything for you, little friends. I under-
stand very well, but he has said no. What's to
be done, now ? Her ladyship also is against
it. Hardly ! But let me have the document ;
I will go to him ; I will try ; I will implore
him ! (Exit.}
SCENE LIII.
TANIA antf the three peasants (they sigh).
Tania. Now tell me, little uncles, how is it
with your affair ?
First Peasant. Only his signature.
Tania. His lordship is to sign the docu-
ment ?
First Peasant. Only to sign it with his own
60 The Fruits of Culture
hand, and to take his money, and the matter is
finished.
Third Peasant. If he only would write ! I
want, he says, as the peasants want, he says.
That's the whole matter. He takes and signs.
Tania. Only to sign ? His lordship is only
to place his name on the document ? (S/ie
meditates.}
First Peasant. Real-ly, the business depends
only on, that. That is, when he has signed,
there is nothing more to do.
Tania. Just wait, let's sec what Fedor
Ivanitch brings. If he cannot persuade his
lordship, I will try a ruse.
Second Peasant. You will get him to come
round ?
Tania. I will try.
Third Peasant. Hey, girl, you intend to do
something for us ? Only carry out the thing,
and we will bind ourselves, I say, to support
you for life at the expense of the commune.
That's a thing!
First Peasant. If you will do us such a
turn, we can really set you in gold.
Second Peasant. No doubt about it !
Tania. I will not positively promise it. As
they say : one can try . . .
TJic Fruits of Culture 6 1
First Peasant. and a question costs
nothing. Real-ly true !
SCENE LIV.
The Same and FEDOR IVAXITCH.
Fedor Ivanitch. No, good friends, your busi-
ness is all up ; he said, no and sticks to it.
Take your document. Go, go !
First Peasant (takes, tJie document. To Tanid},
So we must after all, so to speak, rely on you.
Tania. Presently, presently. You will now
go and wait outdoors ; I shall immediately come
to you and tell you what's to be done.
(Exeunt peasants.)
SCENE LV.
FEDOR IVANITCH and TANIA.
Tania. Fedor Ivanitch, my dear, request his
lordship to please come out to me. I have to
speak a word to him.
Fedor Ivanitch. What sort of news may
that be ?
Tania. It must be, Fedor Ivanitch. Just
announce it, please ; it is nothing bad, God
knows.
62 The Fruits of Culture
F^edor Ivanitch. What can it be ?
Tania. A little secret. I will betray it later.
Only announce it.
Fedor Ivanitcli (smiling). I cannot under-
stand what you are driving at ! But very well,
I will say it, I will say it. (Exit.}
SCENE LVI.
TANIA (alone).
Tania. I declare, it must succeed. Didn't
he say himself that Semion had the force, and
don't I know how everything is to be managed ?
Then nobody suspected anything. Now I am
going to bring Semion up to it. And if it does
not succeed, there is no harm done. Is that a
sin ?
/
SCENE LVII.
TANIA, LEONID FEDOROVITCH, later FEDOR IVANITCH.
Leonid Fedorovitch (smiling). A strange
petitioner ! What is it about ?
Tania. A little secret, Leonid Fedorovitch.
Permit me to tell you under four eyes.
Leonid Fedorovitch. What .can that be ?
Fedor, leave us a moment.
Tlie Fruits of Culture 63
SCENE LVIII.
LEONID FEDOROVITCH and TANIA.
Tania. Leonid Fedorovitch, I have been
brought up in your house from a child ; I am
grateful to you for everything, and I want to
speak openly to you as to my own father.
Semion, who is in your house, wants to marry
me.
Leonid Fedorovitch. Was that it ?
Tania. I speak as openly to you as to God.
I have nobody with whom I could consult ; for
I am an orphan.
Leonid Fedorovitch. Well, why not ? He is
really a good boy.
Tania. Certainly, he would be real nice ;
only one thing seems doubtful to me. And I
wanted to ask you, there is something in him,
I do not quite understand it ... If it should be
anything bad !
Leonid Fedorovitch. What, does he drink ?
Tania. No, God forbid ! But I know that
there is a Spirituism . . .
Leonid Fedorovitch. You know that ?
Tania. Why shouldn't I ? I understand
very well. Others with their lack of education
don't perhaps understand . . .
64 The Fruits of Culture
Leonid Fcdorovitch. Well, what then?
Tania. I am anxious about Semion. It
happens with him
Leonid Fedorovitch. What happens?
Tania. Something like Spirituism. Just
ask the domestics. As soon as he goes to sleep
at the table, right away the table begins to
tremble and to squeak : tuk, tu . . . tuk ! All
the domestics have heard it.
Leonid FcdorovitcJi. Exactly what I told
Sergei Ivanovitch this morning. And ?
Tania. And . . . when was it ? Yes, Wednes-
day. We had just sat down to dinner. Scarcely
had he sat down at the table when the spoon
jumped into his hand all of its own accord
hop !
Leonid FedorovitcJi. Ah, that is interesting !
Hop into his hand? How, had he gone to
sleep ?
Tania. I didn't notice. I think he had gone
to sleep.
Leonid FedorovitcJi. Well, and?
Tania. Well, I am anxious, and wanted to
ask you whether any harm could come from it ?
To have to be together with some one for a
whole life, if something like that is in him . . .
Leonid Fcdorovitch (smiling). No, no, don't
The Fruits of Culture 65
be afraid ; there's nothing bad in that. That
only means that he is a medium, simply a me-
dium. I knew long ago that he was a medium.
Tania. Strange ! . . . And I have been in
such fear !
Leonid Fedorovitch. No, no, fear nothing,
that is of no consequence. (To himself!) That
is excellent Kaptchitch can't come, so we can
make experiments with him this very day. . . .
No, no, fear nothing, my child, he will also be
a good husband and everything . . . That is an
especial power, which all men possess. It is
only weaker in some and stronger in others.
Tania. I thank you with all my heart. I
shall not think of it any more now. And I
have had such fear about it. That comes from
our ignorance.
Leonid Fedorovitch. No, no, don't be afraid,
Tania !
SCENE LIX.
The Same and FEDOR IVANITCH.
Leonid Fedorovitch. I am going out. To
prepare everything for this evening's stance.
Fedor Ivanitch. But Mr. Kaptchitch is not
coming to-day.
Leonid Fedorovitch. No matter, it's all the
66 The Fruits of Culture
same. (He puts on Jiis cloak.} We shall have
a trial stance with our own medium.
(Exit. FEDOR IVANITCH^WJ out with him.)
SCENE LX.
TANIA alone.
Tania. He believed it, he believed it (she
squeals and jump s\ Sure as God, he believed
it ! A real miracle (she squeals}. Now the
thing must succeed, if only Semion doesn't get
frightened.
SCENE LXI.
TANIA and FEDOR IVANITCH (coming back).
Fedor Ivanitch. Well, how is it, did you tell
your secret ?
Tania. Certainly. I will tell you about it,
too ; only later. But I have a favor to ask of
you also, Fedor Ivanitch.
Fedor Ivanitch. What sort of a favor can
that be?
Tania (ashamed}. You have always been
like a second father to me. I will speak to you
openly, as to God.
Fedor Ivanitch. No flattery now ; say right
out what you want.
The Fruits of Culture 67
Tania. What I want ? I want Semion
wants to marry me.
Fedor Ivanitch. That's it! That's why I
have noticed . . .
Tania. Why should I conceal it ? I am an
orphan, and you know how it is here in this
city life ; everybody is after a girl ; be it only
Gregori Michailitch. I have no peace from him.
That one also you know? They act as if
I were a lifeless being, as if I were here only
for their pleasure . . .
Fedor Ivanitch. Clever girl, bravo ! Well,
what is it then ?
Tania. Semion has written to his father,
and now he has seen me, the father I mean,
immediately he says : He has come to be a
fine gentleman ! The son I mean, Fedor
Ivanitch ! (She makes a bow.} Take the place
of a father to me. Speak to the old man, to
Semion's father. I will take them to the
kitchen ; then you will come in and speak to
the old man.
Fedor Ivanitch. (smiling). That is, I am to
be your match-maker? Very well, that may be.
Tania. Dearest, best Fedor Ivanitch, take
the place of a father to me, and I will pray for
you all my life.
68 The Fruits of Culture
Fedor IvanitcJi. Well, well, I will go. Rely
on me. (He takes his paper?)
Tania. You will be a second father to me.
Fedor Ivanitch. Very well, very well.
Tania. I may hope then . . . (Exit.)
SCENE LXII.
FEDOR IVANITCH alone.
Fedor Ivanitch (sways his head to and fro).
A winning, good child ! How many such are
ruined, sad ! One single false step, then they
go from hand to hand . . Not a soul to draw
them from the mire. How miserably that dar-
ling Natalie fared ! . . . She was also good, she
also had a mother who cherished and cared for
her, and had reared her . . . (Takes his paper?)
Well, how is it with our Ferdinand ? How is
he going to disentangle himself? . . .
(The curtain falls.)
ACT II.
The stage represents the interior of the domestics'
kitchen. The peasants, in shirt-sleeves and reeking with
perspiration, are sitting at the table and drinking tea.
FEDOR IVANITCH is smoking a cigar on the other side of
the stage. On the stove lies the OLD COOK, who is not
seen during the first four scenes.
SCENE I.
The three peasants and FEDOR IVANITCH.
Fcdor Ivanitch. My advice is to let him have
his will. If he wishes it and she also, then let
them. The girl is good and honest. That she
likes to dress up, don't mind that too much.
That's the way it is in the city ; it wouldn't do
else. And the girl is clever.
Second Peasant. Well, if he insists on it.
He has to marry her, not I. But she is already
much too fine. What are we to do with her in
a peasant's hut ? Her mother-in-law will not
even be allowed to caress her.
Fedor Ivanitch. That has nothing to do
with being fine, good friend, but with character.
70 The Fruits of Culture
If she has a good character, then she will also
be obedient and respectful.
Second Peasant. Well, I'll not withhold my
consent, if the boy has set his mind on the girl.
It's bad, anyway, to take one whom one doesn't
love. I'll consult with my old woman, and then'
as God wills !
Fedor Ivanitch. Well then, shake hands on
it.
Second Peasant. I suppose it's fate.
First Peasant. What luck you have, Sachar!
You come here to settle some business, and just
see he takes away a princess for his daughter-
in-law. Now we'll only have to wet it yet, so
to speak ; then it's as it ought to be.
Fedor Ivanitch. Not necessary at all.
( Uncomfortable silence?)
Fedor IvanitcJi. You see, I can appreciate
the life of the peasants. I am thinking myself,
I tell you, of buying a piece of land. I would
like to build me a house, and farm. Perhaps
even in your neighborhood.
Second Peasant. That is very nice !
First Peasant. Rcal-ly, with a little money
one can provide himself with every pleasure in
the country.
The Fruits of Culture 71
Third Peasant, Why say anything about
it ? In the country, I say, there is in any case
more freedom ; quite different from the city.
Fedor Ivanitch. How, will you admit me to
your commune, if I should settle down amongst
you ?
Second Peasant. Why shouldn't we admit
you ? You drink with the elders and are ad-
mitted.
First Peasant. Yes, you can open a bar, so
to speak, or an eating-house. What a life that
would be ! One need not die at all then. You'll
be the gentleman, and need ask nobody's pleas-
ure.
Fedor IvanitcJi. We'll see, we'll see. I
merely wish to lead a quiet life in my old age.
I am having a good enough time here nor
will it come^easy to me to leave ; Leonid Fedor-
ovitch is, indeed, a. rarely good man.
First Peasant. That' is really so. But why
does he treat our business In- that way ? Is it
to remain this way without a result ?
Fedor Ivanitch. He would like to !
Second Peasant. Is he afraid of his wife?
Fedor Ivanitch. He is not afraid of her-; but
neither will she give her consent.
Third Peasant. If you would put in a word
72 The Fruits of Culture
for us, little father ? How are we to live other-
wise ? Our land is small . . .
Fcdor Ivanitch. First let us wait and see
what Tatiana will bring about with her en-
deavors. She has taken it in hand, has she
not?
Third Peasant. Little father, have mercy on
us ! Our land is small, hardly a hen not to
say anything of cattle hardly a hen, I say,
has room.
Fedor Ivanitch. Yes, if it depended on me.
(To the second peasant?) So it is settled, then,
good friend, we two are now fathers-in-law.
The affair with Tania is agreed to ?
Second Peasant. If I have said it once, I
don't take back my word, even without having
wet it. If our affair would only succeed.
SCENE II.
The Same. The COOK enters, casts a glance at the
stove, makes a sign, and begins at once to talk viva-
ciously with FEDOR IVANITCH.
Cook. They have just called up Semion from
their lordship's kitchen ; his lordship and he
who conjures with him, that baldhead ; they
put him on a chair and commanded him to take
part, in the place of Kaptchitch.
The Fruits of Culture 73
Fedor Ivanitch. What lie is that ?
Cook. Sure. Just now Jacob told Tania
about it.
Fedor Ivanitch. Strange !
SCENE III.
The Same and the COACHMAN.
Fedor Ivanitch. What do you want ?
Coachman (to F^cdor Ivanitch}. Tell their
lordships I did not come into their service in
order to house with dogs. Let who will do
that. I don't feel like living with dogs.
Fedor Ivanitch. With what dogs ?
Coachman. They've sent three curs to us in
the coachmen's room from Vassili Leoniditch.
They've soiled everything, and howl, and one
dare not touch them they bite at you. Mad
beasts ! they'll eat one up before one knows
it. And I would just like to smash their legs
with a club.
Fedor Ivanitch. When was that ?
Coachman.. To-day they brought them from
the exposition, expensive rat-hounds or whatever
they are. The devil knows what they are
called. Either the dogs must leave the coach-
men's room or the coachmen. You may tell
that to their lordships.
74 The Fruits of Culture
Fedor Ivanitcli. Yes, that is no way of
doing. I will go upstairs and ask.
Coachman. They can come down here to
Lukeria. What ?
Cook (enraged}. Here human beings have to
eat, and you want to shut up the curs in here ?
It is already . . .
Coachman. And in my place there are coats,
straps, and harnesses. And cleanliness is ex-
pected of me. Perhaps in the butler's room ?
Fedor Ivanitch. I must speak to Vassili
Leoniditch.
Coachman (annoyed}. Let him have the curs
fastened to his neck and 'run about with them.
He likes to drive about all day anyway. Hec-
tor he has ruined out and out. And what a
horse he was ! . . . O such a life ! (Exit, slam-
ming tlic door}
SCENE IV.
The Same except the COACHMAN.
Fedor Ivanitch. Yes, bad management, bad
management. (To the peasants} It's settled
then ; meanwhile good bye, children !
Peasants. God be with you !
{Ex-it FEDOR IVANITCH.)
The Fruits of Culture 75
SCENE V.
The Same except FEDOR IVANITCH. As soon as FEDOR
IVANITCH leaves, groans are heard in the direction
of the stove.
Second Peasant. A fine gentleman, like a
general !
Cook. Nothing special ! His own room, free
washing from their lordships, his tea, his sugar,
everything he gets from their lordships,
and food from their lordships' table.
The Old Cook. The devil, too and why
shouldn't he be doing finely ? He steals like a
magpie !
Second Peasant. Who is that the fellow
on the stove ?
Cook. He an old man. (Pause.}
First Peasant. I have seen you eating
before, too ; you must be rich people.
Cook. We have no reason to complain. As
to that matter, she is not miserly ; Sundays
wheat bread, fish during Lent and the holidays,
and whoever doesn't want to needn't fast at all.
Second Peasant. Does anybody eat other
things on fast days, then ?
Cook. Well, all do. Only the coachman
(not the one who was here, but the old one),
76 T/ic Fruits of Culture
and Semion, and I, and the' housekeeper wo
fast ; all the others eat meat.
Second Peasant. And he himself ?
Cook. Ah ! there you make a fine mistake.
He scarcely remembers any more that there is
a fast day.
Tliird Peasant. Gracious God !
First Peasant. That's the way it is among
great folks ; they learn that out of books.
That's culture !
Third Peasant. Every day, I think, they
have wheat bread ?
Cook. Bah ! wheat bread. They care a lot
for your wheat bread ! You ought just to see
for once what they do eat ! All the things that
are served on their table !
First Peasant. What great folks eat, that
we know is light as air !
Cook. Good ! air ! well, they fall to pretty
lively !
First Peasant. With an appetite, so to speak.
Cook. Because they also drink with it.
These sweet wines, whiskeys, effervescing
drinks, for every course a special one. They
eat. and drink, and eat and drink again . . .
First Peasant. It is so arranged beforehand
that they may eat all the more.
The Fruits of Culture 77
Cook. Yes, bless me, how they do feed !
With them it is not like this : sit down, eat,
cross one's self, get up, they eat without
interruption.
Second Peasant. Like hogs with the feet
in the trough. (Peasants lang//.)
Cook. Scarcely have they opened their eyes,
praise the Lord, directly they call for the samo-
var, tea, coffee, chocolate. When they have
emptied two samovars go, fetch the third.
Then immediately breakfast, immediately dinner,
and then immediately coffee again ; scarcely
have they filled their stomachs immediately
again tea ; then all sorts of trifles : sweetmeats,
dessert, and so on without end. When they
go to bed, they are still eating.
Third Peasant. Yes, so it is. (Laughs.)
First and Second Peasants. What are you
laughing for ?
Third Peasant. I should for once like to
live a day like that, too.
Second Peasant. When do they do their
work, anyway ?
Cook. What work have they to do ? Cards,
piano, that is their work. The young lady,
when she just opens her eyes, off she goes for
the piano. and thumps away on it! And the
78 The Fruits of Culture
other, the teacher, who lives in the house, is
already standing there and waiting for the
piano to become free ; when the one is through,
dash the other pounces down on it. Some-
times they get two pianos, two sit down to each
one, and then four drum away at once. They
drum away, I tell you, till one can hear it down
here.
Third Peasant. Ah, gracious God !
Cook. That is their work : piano and cards.
When they meet, right away it's cards, wine,
cigars, a,nd so it goes through the whole night.
Scarcely are they up in the morning, it's eating
again.
SCENE VI.
The Same and SEMION.
i
Semion. I wish you a good dinner.
First Peasant. Please sit down.
Seniion (approaches the table). Thank you
very much. ( The first peasant pours him some
tea. )
Second Peasant. Where have you been ?
Semion. I have been upstairs.
Second Peasant. Well, what are they doing
there ?
Semion. I don't understand anything about
it. I don't know what they call it.
The Fruits of Culture ^9
Second Peasant. Well, but what are they
doing, anyhow ?
Scmion. But I don't know what it's called.
They tried to find a force in me. But I don't
understand anything about it. Tatiana says :
Go on, she says, and we'll get the land for bur
peasants ; he'll surely give it.
Second Peasant. How does she expect to
bring that round ?
Semion. I don't understand her ; she won't
tell. Only do as I tell you, she says.
Second Peasant. Do what ?
Semion. First nothing. They made me sit
on a chair, put out the light, and told me to go
to sleep. And Tatiana hid herself near by.
They cannot see her, but I see her.
Second Peasant. What's the good of that ?
Semion. God knows, I don't.
First Peasant. Surely to kill time.
Second Peasant. I can see, we two will
never make sense of that. Tell us rather, did
you save much money ?
Semion. I didn't get any. It was all spent
for me. It might amount to 28 roubles.
Second Peasant. Very well, and if with
God's Jielp we complete the purchase, I will
take you home with us, Semka.
8o The Fruits of Culture
Semion. With pleasure.
Second Peasant. You have become, I think,
a fine gentleman. You won't want to do farm
work ?
Semion. Farm work ? On the spot. Mow-
ing, ploughing, nothing will go against my hand.
First Peasant. You won't feel like returning
to city life, so to speak ?
Semion. No, one can live in the country,
too.
First Peasant. Uncle Mitri is already on
the lookout for your place for the fine living.
Semion. Well, Uncle Mitri will soon enough
get tired o'f it. First it looks easy, but you'll
soon see there is plenty of running to do, and
then one's in for it.
Cook. O Uncle Mitri, if you were only to
attend their balls for once ! How you would
open your eyes !
Third Peasant. There they never stop eat-
ing at all !
Cook. What are you thinking about ? You
ought just to see that ! Fedor Ivanitch took
me along once. I look about : the ladies
splendid! Dressed up, dressed up one can-
not imagine it. And naked down to here
and the arms naked !
The Fruits of Culture 81
Third Peasant. Gracious God !
Second Peasant. Fie, low!
First Peasant. That is to say, the climate
permits of that.
Cook. And I look and look, little uncle :
what does that mean ? all naked bodies.
Would you believe it ? Old ones, our lady
she has grand-children, you must know also
naked.
TJiird Peasant. Gracious God !
Cook. And then : when the music starts up
and plays, every gentleman goes to his lady,
embraces her, and then they whirl round in a
circle.
Second Peasant. The old ones too ?
Cook. The old ones, too.
Semion. No, the old ones remain sitting.
Cook. You say that ; I myself have seen it.
Semion. But it isn't true.
Old Cook (raising his head, hoarse). That is
polka-mazurka. Eh, you are stupid. You
don't know that. They dance so ...
Cook. You, dancer, keep your mouth shut,
do you know. Pst ! somebody is coming.
82 The Fruits of Culture
SCENE VII.
The Same and GREGORI. The OLD COOK hides himself
quickly.
Grcgori (to tJie Cook). Get sauerkraut !
Cook. I've just come from the callar, now
I must run right down again. For whom ?
Gregori. A cooling dish for the young ladies.
Quick ! Sitting here with Semion, and I don't
know where to run to first.
Cook. First they fill themselves up with the
sweet stuff, until nothing more will go down ;
then they get a taste for sauerkraut.
First Peasant. That's for cleaning out the
stomach, so to speak.
Cook. Well, when there is room, they begin
to fill up agafh. (She takes a dish and goes
away.}
SCENE VIII.
The Same except the COOK.
Gregori (to the peasants). Now just see:
how comfortable they made themselves. You
better look out ! If her ladyship should hear
of it, she will raise a terrible storm, worse than
this morning. (Laughs and goes away.)
The Fruits of Culture 83
SCENE IX.
The three peasants, SEMION, and the OLD COOK (on the
stove).
First Peasant. Real-ly, she raised a fine hail
storm a while ago awful !
Second Peasant. It's plain, first he was for
us, then when he saw she was taking the roof
off the house, he slammed the door to. You
may go to the devil, he thinks.
Third Peasant (with a movement of the hand}.
The same story the world over. My old woman,
too, I say, when she gets into a rage, God
save us ! Then I leave the house of my own
accord. The deuce take her ! One is glad if
she doesn't go for one with the iron poker.
,Gracious God !
SCENE X.
The Same and JACOB (rushes in with a prescription in
his hand).
Jacob. Semion, hurry to the apothecary,
quick, get these powders for her ladyship. .
Semion. But he told me to stay here.
Jacob. There is time enough. Your turn
84 The Fruits of Culture
doesn't come till after tea ... I wish you a good
dinner !
First Peasant. Please sit down.
(Exit SEMION.)
SCENE XI.
The Same except SEMIOX.
Jacob. I have no time ; well, just a drop, for
company's sake !
First Peasant. We are here holding a con-
versation about how haughty her ladyship was
a while ago.
Jacob. O, she is hot-tempered ! So hot-
tempered that she gets quite beside herself.
Sometimes she cries in a rage.
First Peasant. What I was going to ask, so
to speak. She was all the time talking about
macrotes. Macrotes, macrotes, she says, they
brought macrotes into the house. What use
are these macrotes put to, anyhow?
Jacob. Ah, you mean the macrobes. That
is, they say, a kind of bugs from which all
diseases are said to spring. You see you are
suspected of having some. And the place
where you have been has been scrubbed and
The Fruits of Culture 85
scrubbed, and sprinkled and sprinkled. There
is a medicine from which they perish, these
little bugs.
Second Peasant. But then whereabouts on
us are they, these little bugs.
Jacob (drinks tea}. People say they are so,
so small that one can't see them, even under a
glass.
Second Peasant. How does she' know then
that there are some on me ? Perhaps she's got
more of these filthy things than I ?
Jacob. Go ask her yourself !
Second Peasant. And I think it's all empty
talk.
Jacob. Certainly, empty talk ; but the doc-
tors must invent something, what should they
be paid for else ? Every day he comes driving
up to us. Walks in, says something pockets
ten roubles.
Second Peasant. Impossible !
Jacob. There's one even who gets a hun-
dred.
First Peasant. What ? A hundred ?
Jacob. A hundred? You say: a hundred?
A thousand one must give when he goes into
the country. If you will give a thousand, he
says, well ; if not, die !
86 The Fruits of Culture
Third Peasant. Gracious God !
Second Peasant. How, has he some magic
word ?
Jacob.. Must be. Once I was with a general
in the neighborhood of Moscow, a bad, proud
gentleman, the general, terrible! One day his
little daughter got sick. They get the thou-
sand roubles at once and I come . . . They
all agreed, and he came. Then something was
not done right for him. O, I tell you, how he
pounces down on the general ! Ah ! says he,
that is the respect you have for me, that is the
respect. Very well, cure your child yourself !
What do you think ? The general forgot his
pride and flattered him in every way : little
father, do not desert us !
First Peasant. And he got the thousand
roubles ?
Jacob. What else, do you think ?
Second Peasant. Ridiculously much money I
What could not we peasants do with so much
money !
Third Peasant. And I think it's all bosh.
When I got footsore that time I doctored and
doctored, five roubles' worth I doctored. Then
I stopped doctoring and my foot was well.
( The OLD COOK on the stove coughs.)
The Fruits of Culture 87
Jacob. Back again, little friend ?
First Peasant. What's he ?
Jacob. He used to be our master's cook ; he
comes to see Lukeria.
First Peasant. That is to say, head cook.
What, does he live here ?
Jacob. N n no ! He is not allowed to be
here. He doesn't live anywhere : one day here,
the next there. When he's got a half-penny, he
goes to a night shelter ; when he's spent his
money in drink, he comes here.
Second Peasant. How could he get into
such a way ?
Jacob. He degenerated. And what a man
he was a gentleman ! A gold watch he car-
ried, he got forty roubles a month, and now,
but for Lukeria, he would have long ago died of
hunger.
SCENE XII.
The Same and the COOK (with sauerkraut).
Jacob (to Lukeria}. As I see, Pavel Petro-
vitch is back again.
Cook. Where is he to stay, then shall he
freeze to death, what ?
Third Peasant. What whiskey does ! Yes,
whiskey . . . (He smacks his lips in sympathy.}
88 The Fruits of Culture
Second Peasant. It's well-known : if a man
is firm, he is firmer than a rock; if he is weak,
he is weaker than water.
The Old Cook {gets doiunfrom the stove ivith
his hands and feet trembling]. See here, Lu-
keria, give me a small glass.
Cook. Where are you crawling to ? I will
give you such a glass ! . . .
Old Cook. Do you not fear God ? I am
dying ! Good friends, a nickel !
Cook. See here, hurry, and get back on the
stove.
Old Cook. Cook ! A small h-ha-half glass.
For Christ's sake, do you hear, do you under-
stand me I implore you in Christ's name.
Cook. Go, go ! You can have tea !
Old Cook. Your tea, your tea ! An insipid
drink, it has no strength. Only a drop of
brandy Lukeria !
Third Peasant. Ah, little friend, how he
suffers !
Second Peasant. Give him some ; what of
it?
Cook (goes to the cupboard and pours him a
small glass). There, take ! No more though !
Old Cook (grasps it and drinks trembling).
Lukeria, cook ! I drink it, and you must
know .
The Fruits of Culture 89
Ccok. Well, well, don't talk! Climb back
on the stove, and don't stir!
(The OLD COOK climbs humbly on the stove and does
not cease mumbling to himself.}
Second Peasant. What it means when a
man's weak !
First Peasant. Real-ly human weakness!
Third Peasant. What can one say about it?
(The OLD COOK stretches himself, and is still mumbling.
Pause.)
Second Peasant. What I was further going
to ask : The girl here in your house, the one
from our place, Axinia's girl how is it with
her, how? What kind of a life is she leading
that is to say, is she respectable ?
Jacob. A good girl ; one must speak well of
her.
Cook'. I will tell you the truth, little uncle, I
know all about the life here ; do you want to
take Tatiana for your son then quick before
she comes to grief; for that is sure to come.
Jacob. Yes, that is really so. In the sum-
mer there was a girl with us, Natalie ; she was
a good girl, and she was ruined for nothing,
worse than this one. . . . (He points to the Old
Cook.}
QO The Fruits of Culture
Cook. Thousands of us are ruined here,
whole villages of us. Everybody is enticed by
the easy work and the good eating. . . . And
with the good eating you see it goes down
hill quickly. And when she is down, then they
don't need such a one any more. Away with
her at once let's have a new one. It was so
with that dear Natalie she was down she
was driven away at once. She gave birth and
was taken sick, and last spring she died in the
hospital. And what a girl that was !
TJiird Peasant. Gracious God ! Weak creat-
ures. They are to be pitied.
Old Cook. Yes, they pity us, those vermin !
(He dangles his legs doivn from the stove.} For
thirty years I roasted myself at the heat then
they had no use for me any more, die like a
dog ! . . . Yes, they pity one !
First Peasant. Real-ly true, so goes the
world !
Second Peasant. As long as they are eating
and drinking, you are their good fellow. When
they have eaten enough and drunk enough
begone, filthy dog !
Third Peasant. Gracious God !
Old Cook. You know a heap. What is :
a la bomong ? What is : Bavassari ?
The Fruits of Culture 91
How much I used to know! Just think of it!
The Czar has eaten the work of my hands.
Now those vermin don't need me any more !
But they won't down me !
Cook. Well, well, his tongue has begun to
wag. Go to the . . . ! Go crawl into your
corner, that they won't see you. If Fedor
Ivanitch or some of the others should come,
they'll chase you and me both out of the house.
(Pause.)
Jacob. Do you also know my part of the
country, Wosnessenskoie ?
Second Peasant. To be sure we know it,
seventeen versts from us ; it's no further, and
across the river still less. What are you
doing ? Have you rented land ?
Jacob. My brother is a tenant, and I send
him help. Although I am here myself, I am
all the time thinking of home.
First Peasant. Real-ly.
Second Peasant. So Anissim is your brother ?
Jacob. Certainly, my own brother. At the
other end.
Second Peasant. O, I know the third
house.
92 The limits of Culture
SCENE XIII.
The Same and TANIA.
Tania. Jacob I van itch ! Why do you take
things easy down here ? You are called !
Jacob. Directly ! What's the matter ?
Tania. Fifka is barking ! He wants some-
thing to eat. And she is scolding about you :
what a rascal he is, she says, he has no pity,
she says, it was time long ago to give the dog
his dinner, and he doesn't come ! . . . (She
lauglis.}
Jacob (about to go}. O, is she mad ? I hope
there won't be a row !
Cook (to Jacob}. Why don't you take the
sauerkraut along ?
Jacob. Give it to me, give it to me. (He
takes tJic sauerkraut and goes.}
SCENE XIV.
The Same except JACOB.
First Peasant. Who is to eat dinn6r now ?
Tania. The dog. Her dog. . . . (She sits
down beside them and takes tlie teapot?) Is
there some tea there still ? if not, I've brought
some with me. (She pours tea.}
The Fruits of Culture 93
Second Peasant. The dog must eat dinner?
Tania. Certainly ! A special chop is pre-
pared for him, that it may not be too fat. I
wash his clothes for him, for the dog.
Third Peasant. Gracious God !
Tania. Just like the master who had a fu-
neral for his dog.
Second Peasant. What's that story ?
Tania. Listen a man told it a certain
lord's dog had died. In the midst of the winter
he drove out to bury him ; buries him, drives
back, and weeps. There was a real sharp frost,
the coachman's nose trickles, and he wipes it.
. . . Let me have your glasses ! (Pours out tea.}
It trickles and trickles, and he keeps on wiping.
The master sees it : " How," says he, " why
are you weeping ?" And the coachman says:
" Why, Sir, why shouldn't I weep ? What a
dog that was ! " (She lauglis}
Second Peasant. And to himself I suppose
he was thinking : If it had been you who kicked
the bucket, I shouldn't cry either. . . . (He
laughs.}
Old Cook (from the stove). That's so, sure !
Tania. Very well, the master returns home,
straight he goes to his wife : " How good," says
he, "our coachman is, he wept the whole way
94 The Fruits of Culture
so sorry was he for my Ami." Have him
called : " There you shall have some whiskey,
and here as a reward a rouble." She is just
like that, and is angry if Jacob has no pity for
the dog.
(The peasants laugh.}
First Peasant. Very good !
Second Peasant. Well, indeed !
Third Peasant. I declare, girl, you're witty!
Tania (pours more tea). Drink some more !
Yes, so it is. one thinks this sort of life so fine,
when it is disgusting to clean away all their
filth. Fi ! In the country it is better.
(The peasants turn up their cups again, which they had
turned down.)
Tania (pours tea). Drink, may it do you
good, Jefim Anton itch ! Let me help you to
some, Mitri Vlassievitch !
Third Peasant. Well, then, fill up, fill up.
First Peasant. Now tell me, sly little puss,
does our affair progress ?
Tania. O, it progresses . . .
First Peasant. Semion has told . . .
Tania (quickly). Told ?
Second Peasant. But one can't understand
him.
TJie Fruits of Culture 95
Tania. I can't say anything at all now, but
I'll fix it, I'll fix it. Look here here is your
paper, too ! (She points to the paper itnder her
apron.} If only the one stroke would succeed.
. . . (She squeals.} O, how nice that would be !
Second Peasant. Only look out, though, that
you don't lose the paper. It has cost money.
Tania. Be quite at your ease. The chief
thing is, isn't it, that he signs it ?
Third Peasant. Why, what else ? His sig-
nature and everything is done. (He turns
down his ctip.} Enough.
Tania (to herself). He'll sign, you will see,
he'll sign. Drink some more. (She pours tea.}
. First Peasant. If you'll only bring about the
completion of the sale, we will marry you at the
expense of the village. (He declines the tea.}
Tania (pours tea and passes the cups}. Drink !
' Third Peasant. Just carry it out ! And
we'll marry you, I say, and I will dance at your
wedding. Although I have not danced in my
whole life, I will dance then !
Tania (laughs}. That I hope will come true.
(Pause.}
Second Peasant (looking at Tania}. Yes,
that's all very fine ; but you are not fit for
peasants' work.
96 The Fruits of Culture
Taiiia. I not fit ? What, do you think I
have no strength ? You ought to see me pull
her ladyship together; no peasant could pull
harder.
Second Peasant. Where do you pull her to,
then ?
Tania. It is made of whalebone, like a little
jacket, down to here. And it is pulled together
with strings, as in harnessing up ; one must
even spit on one's hands.
Second Peasant. That is to say, you lace her
tight ?
Tania. Yes, yes, I lace her tight. And
one surely cannot prop one's feet against her.
(She laughs?)
Second Peasant. But why do you pull her
together ?
Tania. So, that's why.
Second Peasant. What, has she taken a
vow, or what ?
Tania. No, no, for beauty.
First Peasant. You pull her paunch together,
so to speak, for beauty's sake ?
Tania. One pulls and pulls until her eyes
start from their sockets, and still she says :
" More." One draws blisters on one's hands ;
and you say I have no strength !
(The peasants laugh and wag their heads.}
The Fruits of Culture 97
But here I sit and talk. (She runs
away laughing?)
Third Peasant. That's what I call a girl,
she's witty !
First Peasant. And how accurate she is !
Second Peasant. O, yes !
SCENE XV.
The three peasants, the COOK, the OLD COOK (on the
s/flve), SACHATOFF and VASSILI LEONIDITCH com-
ing. SACHATOFF holding a teaspoon in his hand.
Vassili Leoniditch. Not exactly a dinner,
but a dejeuner dinatoire. And I tell you, it was
a splendid breakfast: ham of young pig deli-
cious ! One dines exquisitely at Roulliet's. I
have just now come. (Observing the peasants?)
And the peasants are here again.
Sachatoff. Yes, yes, that is all very fine;
but we came here to hide something. Where
shall we hide it ?
Vassili Leoniditch. Pardon, a moment. (To
the Cook?) Where are the dogs ?
Cook. In the coachmen's room. They are
surely not to be taken into the domestics'
room ?
Vassili Leoniditch. Ah ? in the coachmen's
room ? Very well,
9 8 The Fruits of Culture
SacJiatoff. I am waiting.
Vassili Leoniditcli. Pardon, pardon. What,
now? Conceal something? You know, Sergei
Ivanovitch, I'll tell you something : in the
pocket of a peasant, one of these here. Say
this one. You there. Where is your pocket ?
Third Peasant. What do you want of my
pocket ? Just think, my pocket he wants ! I
have money in my pocket.
SacJiatoff. Well, where is your little purse ?
Third Peasant. What's that to you ?
Cook. What are you doing ? That's the
young gentleman.
Vassili Leoniditch (laughs}. Do you know
why he is so frightened ? I'll tell you : he's
got a lot of money in his pocket. Eh ?
1 SacJiatoff. Yes, yes, I understand. Well
then : You talk to him, meantime I'll slip it
into this bag so that they themselves won't
know and can't show him. Talk to them.
Vassili Leoniditch. Right away, right away.
Well, how is it, children, will you buy the
land ? Eh ?
First Peasant. We, we want to with our
whole heart. But the affair don't get on.
Vassili Leoniditch. You must only not be
miserly. Land is an important thing. I
The Fruits of Culture 99
have already told you mint. One can raise
tobacco, too.
First Peasant. Yes, feal-ly, all products.
Third Peasant. And you, little father, do
put in a good word for us. How can we live ?
The land is small not even a hen, I say, has
room.
SacJiatoff (has slipped the sp3on into the bag
of the third peasant}. Cest fait. Done. Let
us go. (Exit.}
Vassili LeoniditcJi. Remember not to be
miserly. Ah ? Well, good bye ! (Exit.}
SCENE XVI.
The three peasants, the COOK, and the OLD COOK (on
the stove}.
First Peasant. I said at the start : to our
lodgings. For a dime, I say, each of us could
have had a room, and we would at least have
had peace ; here, God save us. Hand out your
money, he says. What does that mean ?
Second Peasant. He surely has been drink-
ing.
(The peasants turn down their cups, rise, and cross
themselves?)
IOO The Fruits of Culture
First Peasant. Just think, how smart, what
he said about the mint that we ought to sow.
That one must understand.
Second Peasant. To sow mint, as if that
were such an easy matter. Just try it once,
strain your back at it, and you will soon get
sick of mint. . . . No, thank you! Now say,
little sly-boots; where are we to sleep here ?
Cook. Lie down one of you on the stove,
the others each on a bench.
Third Peasant. Christ my Saviour. (He
prays.}
First Peasant. God prosper our business !
(He lies down.} To-morrow afternoon we might
leave, on the railroad ; Tuesday we are home.
Second Peasant. Will you put out the light ?
Cook. How so, put out ? Don't they all
come running : the one wanting this, the other
that. . . . However, only lie down ; I'll turn it
down.
Second Peasant. How can one make both
ends meet on the small strip of land ? Ever
since Christmas I've been obliged to buy grain.
And the oat straw is giving out. So I might
take four desjatines myself, have Semion come
home.
First Peasant. You have a family. No
The Fruits of Culture IOI
trouble on that score ! You can till the land if
you only get it. If only our business might
end fortunately !
Third Peasant. We must pray to the holy
virgin. Perhaps she will have mercy.
SCENE XVII.
Quiet ; sighing. Then steps are heard, -voices, the door
is thrown wide open, and in rush GROSSMANN,
blindfolded, SACHATOFF, whom GROSSMANN is hold-
ing by the hand, the PROFESSOR and the PHYSICIAN,
the FAT LADY and LEONID FEDOROVITCH, BETSY
and PETRISTCHEFF, VASSILI LEONIDITCH and
MARIA KONSTANTINOVNA, HER LADYSHIP and the
BARONESS, FEDOR IVANITCH and TANIA. The
three peasants, the COOK and the OLD COOK {in-
visible). The peasants jump up. GROSSMAXX
enters with quick steps and remains standing.
Fat Lady. Don't fear, I'll watch, I have
taken it upon myself to watch, and will do my
duty strictly. Sergei Ivanovitch, you are not
leading him ?
Sachatoff. No, no.
Fat Lady. Do not lead him, but follow him
willingly. (To Leonid Fedorovitch.} I know
these experiments. I have made them myself.
I feel a twitching, and the same moment . . .
IO2 The Fruits of Culture
Leonid FedorovitcJi. Pardon me, but I must
ask you to keep perfect quiet.
Fat Lady. O, yes, I understand that very
well. I have experienced that myself. As
soon as the attention was drawn off, I could no
longer . . .
Leonid Fedorovitch. 'Sh, 'sh . . .
( They walk about, make search near the first and sec-
ond peasants, and approach the third. GROSS-
MANN stumbles over a bench.}
Baroness. Mais dites-moi, on le paye?
Her Ladyship. Je ne saurais vons dire.
Baroness. Mais, c est tin monsieur ?
Her Ladyship. Oh, out !
Baroness: (^a tient du miraculeux. N' cst-ce
pas ? Comment est-ce quil trouve f
Her Ladyship. Je nc saurais vous dire.
Mon mari vous V cxpliquera. (She sees tlic
peasants and looks for the Cook.} Pardon.
What is this ?
(The BAROXESS approaches the group '.)*
Her Ladysliip (to tlic Covk}. Who admitted
the peasants ?
Cook. Jacob brought them here.
Her Ladyship. Who told Jacob to ?
Cook. I don't know. Fedor I van itch saw
them.
The Fmits of Culture 103
Her Ladyship. Leonid !
(LEONID FEDOROVITCH does not hear j he is absorbed
in the search, and hisses for silence.)
Her Ladyship. Fedor Ivanitch ! What does
this mean ? Did you not see that I disinfected
the whole hall, and now they have infected the
whole kitchen, the black bread, the kvass. . . .
Fedor Ivanitch. I did not think it was dan-
gerous here. And the men are here on busi-
ness. They come from far away, from my
home.
Her Ladyship. That's just it, from the
region of Kursk, where people are dying like
flies of diphtheria and above all I gave
orders that they should not remain in the house.
. 4. Did I give orders, or didn't I? (She ap-
proaches the others, who have crowded around
tJic peasants.} Take care ! Do not touch
them; they are all infected with diphtheria!
L\'<> one I is lens to her; she steps aside with dignity, re-
mains standing motionless, and waits.}
Petristcheff (sniffing). Diphtheria ? don't
know ; but there is some infectious matter in
the air. Don't you smell it ?
Betsy. Don't talk ! Wowo, in which bag?
Vassili LeoniditcJi. In that one, in that one.
He is coming, he is coming closer.
IO4 The Fruits of Culture
Pctristcheff. What is it now spirit vapor
or vapor spirit ?
Betsy. Here your cigarettes come in just
right for once. Smoke, do smoke, closer to
me.
(PETRISTCHEKF b^nds forward and smokes on her.)
Vassili LeoniditcJi. He'll find it, I tell you.
Eh?
Grossmann (looks excitedly at the third peas-
ant). Here, here. I feel that it is here.
Fat Lady. Do you feel a twitching ?
(GROSSMANN bends down to the bag and draws out the
spoon?)
All. Bravo ! (General enthusiasm.}
Vassili LeoniditcJi. Ah ! do you see where
our teaspoon's been ? (To the peasant?) That's
the kind you are ?
Third Peasant. What kind am I ? I did
not take your spoon. What is he about ? I
have taken nothing, I have taken nothing, my
conscience is clear. And he could do anything !
I saw at once it wasn't anything good he
wanted. Hand me your bag, said he. I have
taken nothing, Christ is my witness,* I have
taken nothing.
(The young people encircle him and laugh.)
* At these words the Russian peasant crosses himself.
The Fruits of Culture 105
Leonid Fedorovitch (angry at his son). Al-
ways and forever your foolish tricks ! (To tlie
third peasant.} Calm yourself, good man. We
know that you have not taken anything. It was
an experiment.
Grossmann (takes off Jiis bandage and acts as
if he were coming to). Water, if I may ask . . .
Have the goodness.
(Every one is busy about him)
Vassili Lconiditcli. Let us go to the coach-
men's room. I will show you what a hound I
have there. Epatant ! Eh ?
Betsy. What an ugly word. Don't we say
dog ?
Vassili LeoniditcJi. No, that won't do. I
surely cannot say of you : What an Epatant PER-
SON is Betsy! I must say : GIRL. So it is here,
too. Eh? Maria Konstantinovna, am I not
right ? Well said ? (He laughs)
Maria Konstantinovna. Let us go.
(Exeunt MARIA KONSTANTINOVNA, BETSY, PETRIST
CHEFF, and VASSILI LEONIDITCH.)
lo6 The Fruits of Culture
SCENE XVIII.
The Same except BETSY, MARIA KONSTAXTINOVNA,
PETRISTCHEFF, and VASSILI LEONIDITCH.
Fat Lady (to Grossmann}. What ? How ?
Have you recovered ? (Grossmann docs not an-
swer. To SacJiatoff.} Sergei Ivanovitch, did
you not feel a twitching ?
Sachatoff. I didn't feel anything whatever.
But it was fine, it was fine. A perfect success.
Baroness. Admirable ! Qa ne Ic fait pas
souffrir ?
Leonid Fedorovitcli. Pas le moins du monde.
Professor (to Grossmann). Will you permit
me ? (He hands a thermometer to the physician.}
At the beginning of the experiment it was 99.
( To the physician.} Wasn't it so ? Have the kind-
ness to take his pulse. A loss is inevitable.
Physician (to Grossmann}. Well, Sir, will
you let me feel your pulse ? Let us examine,
let us examine. (He takes out his ^vatch and
grasps his hand.}
Fat Lady (to Grossmann}. Pardon me. But
the condition in which you have been cannot be
called sleep ?
Grossmann (tired). A kind of hypnosis.
Sachatoff. We are to understand then that
you have hypnotized yourself ?
The Fruits of Culture 107
Grossmann. And why not ? Hypnosis
arises not alone fr6m association, from the
sounding of a tomtom, as for instance in the
experiments of Charcot, but from the mere en-
trance into the hypnotic zone.
SacJiatoff. Let us assume that it is so ; still
it remains desirable to have a more exact defi-
nition of what hypnosis is.
Professor. Hypnosis is the phenomenon of
the conversion of one force into another.
Grossmann. Charcot defines it differently.
Sachatojf. Pardon me, pardon me. That is
your definition ; but Liebault has himself told
me . . .
Physician (letting go the pulse). Very well,
and now the temperature.
Fat Lady (obtruding Jierself}. No, pardon
me ! I agree with Alexei Vladimirovitch. I
will give you the best proof. When after my
illness I lay unconscious, I was seized by a long-
ing to speak. I am in general reticent ; but
then I was seized by a longing to speak and to
speak, and I spoke, said the people, so that all
were astonished. (To Sachatoff.} However, I
believe I have interrupted you ?
Sacliatojf (dignified}. Not in the least. Tut,
tut.
io8 The Fmits of Culture
Physician. Pulse 82, temperature has risen
half a degree.
Professor. There is the proof. So it had to
be, too. (He takes out a note book and writes.}
82, correct ? And 99^ ? The approach of hyp-
nosis is unfailingly followed by an increased
action of the heart.
Physician. I can testify as a physician that
your prediction has come perfectly true.
Professor (to SacJiatoff}. Your opinion then ?
SacJiatoff. I was about to say that Liebault
told me hypnosis is only a special mental state
of greater impressibility.
Professor. To be sure. But the main thing
is still the law of equivalence.
Grossmann. Besides, Liebault is far from
being an authority ; but Charcot has instituted
the most varied investigations, and demon-
strated that hypnosis is induced by a stroke, a
trauma.
SacJiatoff. I do not at all deny Char-
cot's labors. I know him, too ; I only say
what Liebault told me. ...
Grossmann (excited}. There are three
thousand sick in the Salpetriere, and I
have taken a whole course there.
Professor. Pardon me, gentlemen. That
is not the point at issue.
The Fruits of Culture 109
Fat Lady (obtruding herself}. I will make it
plain to you in two words. When my husband
was ill, all the physicians gave him up. . . .
Leonid Fcdorovitch. But let us go into the
house. Dear Baroness, if you please.
(They go away, all talking together, one interrupting the
other.}
SCENE XIX.
The three peasants, the COOK, FEDOR IVANITCH, TANIA,
the OLD COOK (on the stove}, LEONID FEDOROVITCH,
and HER LADYSHIP.
Her LadysJiip (holding Leonid Fedorovitch
back by the sleeve). How often have I begged
of you to make no arrangements in the house.
You know nothing but your nonsense. And I
must take the responsibility. They will infect
everybody.
Leonid FedorovitcJi. Who ? What ? I don't
understand a word.
Her Ladyship. How ? People who are
afflicted with diphtheria pass the night in the
kitchen, which is related to the house in a
thousand ways.
Leonid FedorovitcJi. But I ...
Her Ladyship. What I ?
HO T/ie Fruits of Culture
Leonid Fedorovitch, I know of nothing what-
ever.
Her LadysJiip. But you should know if you
wish to be the head of the family. One does
not do such things.
Leonid FedorovitcJi. I had no idea ... I
thought . . .
Her LadysJiip. Exasperating to listen to you !
(LEONID FEDOROVITCH remains silent^
Her Ladyship (to Fedor IvanitcJi). Away
with them at once ! I do not want to see them
in my kitchen ! It is terrible, nobody obeys,
all to spite me . . . ! I send them away from
one place ; they let them in again at another.
(She talks herself more and more into a rage and
begins to cry.} All to spite me ! All to spite
me! And in my illness! Doctor! doctor!
Peter Petrovitch ! . . . He, too, is away!
(Exit, sobbing. LEONID FEDOROVITCH follows her.)
SCENE XX.
The three peasants, TANIA, FEDOR IVANITCH, the COOK,
and the OLD COOK (on the stove).
Tableaux. All remain standing silent for some time.
Third Peasant. Heaven rest their souls.
A little more and they would hand one over to
The Fruits of Culture 1 1 1
the police. In my whole life I have not had
anything to do with the courts. Let's go to
a lodging-house, children.
Fedor Ivanitch (to Tania). What's to be
done now ?
Tania. Only keep cool, Fedor Ivanitch.
Into the coachmen's room with them.
Fedor Ivanitch. Into the coachmen's room ?
That is impossible ! The coachman has al-
ready complained that it is crowded with dogs.
Tania. Into the domestics' room 1?hen.
Fedor Ivanitch. And if it's found out ?
Tania. Nobody will find it out. Don't fear,
Fedor Ivanitch. Can we send them away in
the middle of the night ? They wouldn't find
their way.
Fedor Ivanitch. Well, do what you please ;
only see that they don't remain here. (Exit.}
SCENE XXI.
The three peasants, TANIA, the COOK, and the OLD
COOK. The peasants pick up their bags.
Old Cook. Look, such damned vermin ! It
goes too well with them ! Vermin !
Cook. Hush, you at least! You ought to
thank God that they did not see you.
H2 The Fruits of Culture
Tania. Come along then, little uncles, into
the domestics' room.
First Peasant. Well, and our business ?
How is it, so to speak, with the signature?
Plow, can we hope ?
Tania In an hour we shall know all.
Second Peasant. Will you be sly enough ?
Tania (laughs). So God will.
( Curtain falls. )
ACT III.
The action takes place in the evening of the same day,
in the small reception room where LEONID FEDORO-
VITCH usually makes his experiments.
SCENE I.
LEONID FEDOROVITCH and the PROFESSOR.
Leonid Fedorovitch. What do you think,
shall we risk the stance with our new medium ?
Professor. Certainly. The medium is un-
doubtedly strong. But above all it is desirable
that our mediumistic seance should take place
to-day, and moreover with the same persons.
Undoubtedly, the influence of the mediumistic
force must manifest itself in Grossmann ; then
the connection and unity of the phenomena
will be still plainer. You will convince your-
self, if the medium shall be as powerful as
before, that Grossmann will get into a vibrat-
ing motion.
Leonid FedorovitcJi. Then I will call Semion
and invite the company.
H4 The Fruits of Culture
Professor. Yes, yes. I only want to make
a few notes.
(He takes out a note book and writes.)
SCENE II.
The Same and SACHATOFF.
Sachatoff. In there, in Anna Pavlovna's
room, they are sitting at the card table. I as
the man of straw . . . and besides as a curious
spectator, announce myself to you. . . . Well,
will the stance take place ?
Leonid P"edorovitcJi. Certainly, it will un-
doubtedly take place.
Sachatoff. What, without the mediumistic
force of Mr. Kaptchitch ?
Leonid Fedorovitch. Vous avcs la wain hen-
reuse. Just think, the same peasant of whom
I told you proved himself to be an unquestion-
able medium.
Sachatoff. Remarkable ! Oh, that is ex-
ceedingly interesting.
Leonid Fedorovitch. Yes, yes. We put him
to a little experimental test after tea.
Sachatoff. Did it succeed, and are you con-
vinced ?
TJie Fruits of Culture 115
Leonid Fedorovitch. Thoroughly, he proved
himself a medium of unusual force.
SacJiatoff (incredulous). Remarkable !
Leonid Fedorovitch. It turned out that in
the domestics' room it had already been long
noticed. He sits down to a plate, and the
spoon hops as of itself into his hand. (To tlie
Professor.} Do you hear that ?
Professor. No, that I have not heard.
Sachatoff (to tJie Professor}. But you surely
admit the possibility of such phenomena ?
Professor. What phenomena ?
Sachatoff. Well, in general, Spiritualistic,
mediumistic, and, in short, supernatural phe-
nomena.
Professor. The question is : what do we call
supernatural ? When not a living being,
man, but a piece of stone attracted a nail to
itself, how did research regard this phenome-
non : as natural or supernatural ?
Sachatoff. Yes, very true ; but such phe-
nomena as the attraction of a magnet con-
stantly repeat themselves.
Professor. It is just so here. The phenom-
enon repeats itself, and we seek to investigate
it. More : we seek to range the investigated
phenomena under the laws common to all other
Ii6 Tlie Fruits of Culture
phenomena. The phenomena, surely, appear
as supernatural only because we ascribe the
causes of the phenomena to the medium itself.
But that is false. The phenomena are not pro-
duced by the medium, but by a spiritual force
acting through the medium, and that is a great
difference. The solution of the question lies
in the law of equivalence.
Sachatoff. Yes, very true, but . . .
SCENE III.
The Same and TANIA (enters and gets behind the por-
tiere).
Leonid Fedorovitch. But you must know one
thing. As in the case of Home and Kaptchitch,
so also in the case of this medium, we must not
rely on anything in advance. It may fail, but
it may just as likely prove a complete materiali-
zation.
Sachatoff. A materialization even ? In what
is this materialization to consist ?
Leonid Fedorovitch. In the apparition of a
deceased person, your father, your grandfather;
in that he takes you by the hand, gives you
something ; or in that somebody suddenly rises
in the air, as happened to Alexei Vladimirovitch
at our last seance.
The Fruits of Culture 1 1 7
Professor. True, true. But the principal
thing is : the explanation of the phenomena
and their classification under the general laws.
SCENE IV.
The Same and the FAT LADY.
Fat Lady. Anna Pavlovna has permitted me
to come over to you.
Leonid FedorovitcJi. Pleased to have you.
Fat Lady. But how it fatigued Grossmann !
He could scarcely hold the cup. Did you no-
tice how pale he grew (to the Professor} the mo-
ment he drew near ? I observed it at once,
and first told Anna Pavlovna about it.
Professor. Without doubt the loss of vital
force.
Fat Lady. I say too that it must not be
done to excess. Just think of it; the hypnotizer
suggested to an acquaintance of mine, Vie-
ratchka Konchina you know her that she
should stop smoking ; then her back began to
ache.
Professor (trying to speak} The height of
the temperature and the pulse plainly point
to ...
Fat Lady. Allow me one moment. I tell
Ii8 The Fruits of Cttlturc
her : it is much better to smoke than to suffer
so from the nerves. Of course, smoking is
harmful, and I too would much rather give it
up; but what do you want, it won't do. ... I
didn't smoke once for two weeks, then I couldn't
stand it any longer.
Professor (again tries to speak}. Plainly point
to. . .
Fat Lady. But no, allow me. Only two
words. You say : a loss of forces ? And I
wanted to say, when I rode in the stage . . .
The roads were abominable at that time, you
cannot remember the time, and I have made
the observation, you may say what you please,
that our nervousness comes only from the rail-
roads. I, for instance, cannot sleep while trav-
elling. You might kill me, but I couldn't go
to sleep.
Professor (wants to begin again, but the Fat
Lady will not let him}. The loss of force . . .
SacJiatoff (smiling). Yes, yes.
(LEONID FEDOROVITCH rings the bell.)
Fat Lady. I do not close an eye for one, two,
three nights, and in spite of that I can't go to
sleep.
The Fruits of Culture 119
SCENE V.
The Same and GREGORI.
Leonid Fedorovitch. Tell Fedor, please, that
he is to prepare everything for the stance, and
call Semion here ; Semion, the boy, you under-
stand ?
Gregori. At your service ! (Exit.}
SCENE VI.
LEONID FEDOROVITCH, the PROFESSOR, the FAT LADY,
and TANIA (hidden}.
Professor (to SacJiatoff}. The height of the
temperature and the pulse have pointed to a
loss of vital force. It will be exactly so in the
mediumistic phenomena. The law of the con-
servation of force . . .
Fat Lady. Yes, yes. I only wanted to say
besides how pleased I am that a simple peasant
has proven himself a medium. That is wonder-
ful ; I have always said the Slavophiles . . .
Leonid Fedorovitcli. Let us go into the front
room meanwhile.
Fat Lady. Permit me to say two words : . . .
The Slavophiles are right ; but I have always
I2O -The .Fruits of Culture
told my husband such a thing must not be car-
ried to excess. Always the golden mean. How
can any one maintain that with the people
everything was good when I have seen with my
own eyes . . .
Leonid FcdorovitcJi. Will you not please go
into the front room ?
Fat Lady, Such a scapegrace, and drinks
already. I gave him a good scolding on the
spot ; he was thankful to me later on. They
are like children, and children need I have
always said so love and severity.
(All exeunt talking^)
SCENE VII.
TANIA (alone, comes from her hiding place behind the
door).
Tania. O, if it would only succeed ! (She
fastens threads.}
SCENE VIII.
TANIA and BETSY (entering hastily).
Betsy. Papa not here ? (Looking at Tania.*)
What are you doing here ?
Tania. I, Lisaveta Leonidovna, I only hap-
The Fruits of Culture 12 1
pened to pass, I wanted to ... I came in ...
(Embarrassed.}
Betsy. Is not the seance to take place here
soon ? (She observes tJiat Tania draivs in tJie
threads, fixes Jier eyes upon her, and suddenly
bursts out laughing- loudly} Tania ! So you
do everything ? Now don't deny it any more ;
the last time it was you, too ? You, you ?
Tania. Lisaveta Leonidovna, sweet, dear
lady!
Betsy (charmed}. O, that is excellent ! I
should not have believed it ! But why do you
do that ?
Tania. Dear gracious lady, do not betray
me !
Betsy. Surely not, not for the world ! It
gives me a mad pleasure ! But how do you
do it ?
Tania. This is the way ; I hide, and, when
the light is out, I steal out and do everything.
Betsy (pointing to a thread}. And what is
this for ? Hold, don't tell me, I know it already,
you pull . . .
Tania. Lisaveta Leonidovna, sweet, dear
lady, I want to be quite frank with you. Until
now I have only been doing it for fun, but
to-day I have an important matter in mind.
122 Tlic Fruits of Culture
Betsy. How? What? An important matter?
Tania. You know, of course, peasants have
come who want to buy land, and your papa
don't want to sell to them, and has not signed
the document and has returned it to them.
Fedor Ivanitch says : the spirits forbade him.
So the thought came to me.
Betsy. But you are a sly thing ! Only go
ahead, go ahead. But how are you going to
do it?
Tania. I have planned it so : when they put
out the light, at once I begin to rap, to throw
things, to work about their heads with the
thread, and at the close the document comes
down from above, I have it with me, and I
let it fall on the table.
Betsy. And what's to happen then ?
Tania. What's to happen then ? All will be
astonished ; for did not the peasants have the
document, and suddenly it is here. Now I
command . . .
Betsy. But Semion is the medium to-day !
Tania. I command him then . . . (She can-
not speak for laughing.} I command him then
to choke whoever happens to be in his reach.
Only not your papa he will not dare do that
the rest he may choke until it is signed.
The Fruits of Culture 123
Betsy (laughs). But that is not the way it is
done ; the medium himself does nothing.
Tania. That's all the same ; perhaps it will
succeed so, too.
SCENE IX.
TANIA and FEDOR IVANITCH. BETSY makes a sign to
TANIA, and goes away.
Fedor Ivanitch. What are you doing here ?
Tania. I have come to you, dear Fedor
Ivanitch.
Fedor Ivanitch. What do you want ?
Tania. I have come on account of that
affair of mine about which I asked you.
Fedor Ivanitch. Your suit is accepted, they
gave their consent. Only it has not yet been
wet.
Tania (squeals). Is that really true ?
Fedor Ivanitch. If I tell you so. He says :
I will consult with my old woman, and then as
God wills.
Tania. Did he say that ? (She squeals.}
Ah, dearest, best Fedor Ivanitch, my whole life
long will I pray for you.
Fedor Ivanitch. Tut, tut, tut ! There's no
time for that now. I must _get things in order
for the seance.
124 The Fruits of Culture
Tania. I will help you. What is to be got
in order ?
Fedor Ivanitch. What ? Here, the table
into the middle of the room, chairs, the guitar,
the harmonica. The lamp is not needed
candles.
Tania (assisting Fedor Ivanitch}. So then.
Here the guitar, and the inkstand here. (Puts
it down.} So?
Fedor Ivanitch. But do they really want to
have Semion here ?
Tania. I suppose it must be so. For they
have had him here before.
Fedor Ivanitch. Amazing ! (He puts on his
eyeglasses} But is he clean ?
Tania. How am I to know that ?
Fedor Ivanitch. Do you know . . .
Tania. What, Fedor Ivanitch ?
Fedor Ivanitch. Go get the nail brush and
some toilet^ soap ; you may get it from my room
cut off his claws and wash him very nicely.
Tania. He will wash himself.
Fedor Ivanitch. Tell him at least, and ask
him also to put on clean linen.
Tania. Very well, Fedor Ivanitch. (Exit.}
The Fruits of Culture 125
SCENE X.
FEDOR IVANITCH alone, takes a chair.
Fcdor Ivanitch. Cultured, they are very cult-
ured, Alexei Vladimirovitch, for instance. He
ia professor, yet I must constantly doubt him.
The superstition among the people, vulgar
superstition, is combated, the belief in hob-
goblins, magicians, witches . . . And yet, if
one searches more closely, it is the same su-
perstition. For can it be possible that the
souls of the deceased should talk, play on the
guitar ? Either they deceive one another or
they deceive themselves. The story about
Semion also is hard for me to swallow. (He looks
at the album?) And here is their Spiritualistic
album, too. Is it possible, I ask, to photograph
a spirit ? What a picture! a Turk and Leo-
nid Fedorovitch together. Strange weakness
of man !
' SCENE XI.
FEDOR IVANITCH and LEONID FEDOROVITCH.
Leonid Fedorovitch (entering). Well, ready ?
Fedor Ivanitch (rising-slow?}'). Ready. (Smil-
ing.) I only don't know whether your new me-
126 The Fruits of Culture
dium won't compromise you, Leonid Fedoro-
vitch.
Leonid Fedorovitch. O no, Alexei Vladimi-
rovitch and myself have already experimented
with him. An extraordinarily powerful me-
dium !
Fedor Ivanitch. I don't understand that, of
course. But is he clean ? You have surely
not thought of asking him to wash his hands,
and that surely won't do.
Leonid Fedorovitch. His hands ? Ah, yes.
Do you think they are not clean, Fedor Ivan-
itch ?
Fedor Ivanitch. Of course, a peasant. And
there will be ladies here, also Maria Vassilievna.
Leonid Fedorovitch. Very well.
Fedor Ivanitch. I wanted to tell you be-
sides : Timofei, the coachman, was here, and
complained that on account of the dogs he sim-
ply didn't know how to steer clear of all the
filth.
Leonid Fedorovitch (placing the things on the
table in order, absent-minded}. What dogs ?
Fedor Ivanitch. Three greyhounds were sent
to-day to Vassili Leoniditch ; these have been
taken to the coachmen's room.
Leonid Fedorovitch (vexed}. Tell Anna
Tlte Fruits of Culture 127
Pavlovna ; whatever she may order done ; I
have no time.
Fedor Ivanitch. But you know her pas-
sion . . .
Leonid Fedorovitcli. Let her do what she
pleases. The boy gives me no end of annoy-
ance . . . and I have no time.
SCENE XII.
The Same and SE.MION (in a sleeveless jacket, enters and
smiles).
Semion. It is your lordship's will ?
Leonid Fcdorovitch. Yes, yes. Show your
hands. Well, very well. Now do as before,
my son ; sit down and abandon yourself to your
feelings. And think of nothing whatever.
Sdmion. What should I think ? The more
one thinks, the worse.
Leonid Fedorovitch. Exactly, exactly. The
weaker consciousness, the greater the force.
Do not think, and abandon yourself to your
mood. Do you feel like sleeping sleep ; do
you feel like walking walk; do you under-
stand ?
Semion. What is there to understand here ?
That doesn't take much shrewdness.
128 The Fruits of Culture
Leonid Fcdorovitcli. The main point is -do
not get confused. You might yourself be easily
astonished. You must know just as we live,
so there lives close to us a never-seen world of
spirits.
Fedor IvanitcJi (improving). Invisible beings,
do you understand ?
Semion (laughs). What is there to under-
stand here ? As you say that, the thing is very
simple.
Leonid FedorovitcJi. You might rise into the
air or something else, only do not be afraid.
Semion. Why should I be afraid ? That
won't hurt.
Leonid Fedorovitch. Very well then, I shall
go and call the company. Is everything ready?
Fedor Ivanitch. I think everything is ready.
Leonid Fedorovitch. And the slates ?
Fedor Ivanitclt. Are downstairs, I shall get
them at once. (Exit.}
SCENE XIII.
LEONID FEDOROVITCH and SEMION.
Leonid Fedorovitch. Well, that's right. Do
not get confused, and move freely.
Semion. Take off the jacket, perhaps. Then
I can move more freely.
The Fruits of Cultiire 129
Leonid Fedorovitch. The jacket? No, no,
that is not necessary. (Exit.}
SCENE XIV.
SEMION alone.
Semion. Again she bids me do all that, and
she will again throw her things. Indeed, she
isn't afraid !
SCENE XV.
SEMION and TANIA (enters, in her stockings, her dress
of the color of the wall paper. SEMION laughs).
Tania (hisses). 'Sh ! 'sh ! . . . They might
hear! Paste these matches on your fingers as
before (he fastens them}. Now, do you still
know all ?
Semion (bends the fingers in}. The very first,
wet the matches. Flourish them in the air
one. Two chatter with the teeth, so ...
Number three I have forgotten.
Tania. And three is the most important
point. Do not forget : when the paper falls on
the table I will besides ring the bell in-
stantly you do so with your arms wider
apart, and seize. You seize any one who sits
near. And when you have seized one, you
130 The Fruits of Culture
squeeze (laughs), whether lady or gentleman.
You have only one thing to do to squeeze
and to squeeze and not to let go, as if you
were in sleep, and gnash your teeth or bellow,
look, so ... (she bellows}. And when I play
on the guitar, then you act as if you were about
to wake up, stretch yourself, you know, so.
Then you awake. . . . Do you know all ?
Semion. I know all ; but it is awfully laugh-
able.
Tania. But you must not laugh. Should
you laugh once, however, that will not dish the
matter. They will think it was in sleep. But
remember only not to sleep in reality when
they put out the light.
Semion. Don't fear, I'll pinch my ears.
Tania. Now be wide awake, Semotchka, my
sweetheart. Only do everything, and be not
afraid. He must sign, you will see. They are
coming. (She creeps under tJie sofa.}
The Fruits of Culture 131
SCENE XVI.
SEMION and TANIA. There enter: GROSSMANN, the
PROFESSOR, LEOXID FEDOROVITCH, the FAT LADY,
the PHYSICIAN, SACHATOFF, and HER LADYSHIP.
SEMIOX is standing by the door.
Leonid Fedorovitch. All unbelievers are sol-
emnly invited ! Although our medium is new,
and here only by accident, nonetheless I look
for very remarkable manifestations to-day.
Sachatoff. Interesting, most interesting.
Fat Lady (pointing to Semioii). Mais il est
tres-bien.
Her Ladyship. Great heavens, a kitchen
boy, yes, but . . .
SacJiatoff. Women never believe in what
their husbands do. They do not even recog-
nize it !
Her LadysJiip. Of course not. In Kapt-
chitch, I admit, there is something special ; but
God knows what this is !
Fat Lady. No, no, pardon me, Anna Pav-
lovna, that is not to be solved so simply.
When I was still a girl, I had a remarkable
dream. You know there are dreams of which
one does not know when they begin, when they
end, and such a dream I had .
132 The Fruits of Culture
SCENE XVII.
The Same. VASSILI LEONIDITCH and PETRISTCHEFF
enter.
Fat Lady. And through this dream much
was revealed unto me. Now-a-days these young
people (she points to PetristcJieff and Vassili
LeoniditcJi) deny just everything.
Vassili LeoniditcJi. By no means, I assure
you I deny nothing. Eh ?
SCENE XVIII.
The Same. BKTSV and MARIA KONSTANTINOVNA enter,
and begin a conversation -with PETRISTCHEFF.
Fat'Lady. How can we deny the supernatu-
ral ? They say it is incompatible with human
reason. But reason may be dull, how is it
then ? Did we not have spirit manifestations
every evening on Garden Street ? You have
surely heard about it ? The son of my aunt .
what do we say now for cousin ? . . . I always
forget these new expressions he went 'there
three nights in succession, and did not see any-
thing anyway, therefore I say . . .
Leonid Fedorovitch. Who of the company
will remain here ?
Fat Lady. I, I ! '
The Fruits of Culture 133
Sachatoff. I !
Her Ladysliip (to the physician}. Will you
really remain here ?
Physician. Yes, one must at least for once
see what it is that Alexei Vladimirovitch finds
in the matter. To deny without disproof won't
do either.
Her Ladyship. The treatment is then by all
means to be resumed this evening ?
Physician. What is to be resumed ? Ah,
yes, resume taking the powders. Yes, just
take them. Yes, yes, just take them. I will
also come.
Her Ladyship. Please. (Loud.} When you
are through, messieurs et mesdamcs, I invite
you to my room in order to recover yourselves
from the emotion ; we can also finish our game.
Fat Lady. Certainly.
Sachatoff. Yes, yes !
(Exit HER LADYSHIP.)
SCENE XIX.
The Same except HER LADYSHIP.
Betsy (to Petristcheff}. I tell you, stay! I
promise you something extraordinary. Will
you wager with me ?
134 The Fruits of Culture
Maria Konstantinovna. Do you believe in it
then ?
Betsy. To-day I believe.
Maria Konstantinovna (to Petristcheff], And
do you believe ?
PetristcJieff. Never, never will I trust in
alkiring promises. Very well, if Elisaveta
Leonidovna commands.
Vassili Lconiditch. Let us stay, Maria Kon-
stantinovna. Eh ? I want to get off some-
thing, cpataut.
Maria Konstantinovna. Look out, you must
not make me laugh. You know very well I
cannot suppress it.
Vassili Leoniditch (lottd}. I stay !
Leonid Fcdorovitck (severe). I request the
ladies and gentlemen who stay here not to turn
this matter into ridicule. It is of a very seri-
ous nature.
PctristcJicff. Do you hear ? Well then, we
will stay. Wowo, sit here, but look out you
don't get frightened.
Betsy. Yes, you laugh, and you will see
what will happen.
Vassili Leoniditch. And if it does really
happen ! It might become serious ! Eh ?
PetristcJieff (trembles). Oo, oo, how fright-
The Fruits of Culture 135
ened I am. Maria Konstantinovna, I am afraid.
. . . My teet fremble !
Betsy (laughs}. Be quiet !
(All sit down.)
Leonid Fedorovitch. Sit down, sit down,
gentlemen. Sit down, Semion !
Semion. At your service ! (Sits down on
the edge of the chair.}
Leonid Fedorovitch. Sit properly.
Professor. Sit exactly in the middle of the
chair, entirely unconstrained. (He scats Semion
properly?)
(BETSY, MARIA KONSTANTINOVNA, and VASSILI LEONI-
DITCH laugh.)
Leonid Fedorovitch (with raised voice). I re-
quest the ladies and gentlemen who remain
here not to jest, and to take the matter se-
riously. It might have unfortunate conse-
quences. Wowo, do you hear ? If you cannot
sit still, go away !
Vassili Leoniditcli. Peace ! (He hides beJiind
the back of the Fat Lady.}
Leonid Fedorovitch. Alexei Vladimirovitch,
put him to sleep.
Professor. No, why should I, when Anton
Barissovitch is present ? He is vastly more ex-
136 The Fruits of Culture
perienced in this matter and possesses a greater
force. Anton Barissovitch !
Grossmann. Ladies and gentlemen ! I am
not really a Spiritualist. I have only studied
Hypnotism. To be sure, I have studied Hyp-
notism in all its known forms. But I am en-
tirely ignorant of what is described as Spiritual-
ism. From the falling asleep of the subject, I
may expect the hypnotic phenomena known to
me : lethargy, abulie, anaesthesie, analgie, cata-
lepsy, and suggestions of the most varied kind.
But it is not these phenomena that are pre-
sented to our study here, but others, and there-
fore it would be desirable to know in advance
the nature of the anticipated phenomena, and
what scientific importance they claim.
Sachatoff. I fully agree with the views ex-
pressed by Mr. Grossmann. Such an explana-
tion would be very, very interesting.
Leonid Fcdorovitch (to the Professor}. I trust,
Alexei Vladimirovitch, you will gladly give us
a short explanation.
Professor. Cheerfully ; if it is desired, I am
willing to give the explanation. (To the phy-
sician^) And you will have the goodness to
take the temperature and the pulse. My ex-
planation will be necessarily cursory and brief.
The Fruits of Culture 137
Leonid Fedorovitch. Yes, brief, brief . . .
Physician. Directly ! (He takes out the ther-
mometer and hands it over.} Well, noble
youth ! . . . (Pitts thermometer in his mouth.}
Semion. At your service !
Professor (rises, turns tozvards the Fat Lady,
and then sits down}. Ladies and gentlemen !
The phenomenon that we are to study is
usually represented by the one party as some-
thing new, by the other as something tran-
scending natural relations. Neither the one
nor the other is justified. This phenomenon
is not new, but as old as the world ; nor is it
supernatural, it is on the contrary subject to
the same eternal laws which all created things
obey. This phenomenon is usually defined a
the communion with the spirit world. This
definition is not exact. According to this defi-
nition the spirit world is opposed to the world
of phenomena, but without any justification.
There is no such antithesis. There is such a
close contact between the two worlds that it is
quite impossible to draw the boundary line that
separates the one from the other. We say :
matter is composed of molecules . . .
Petristcheff. Tiresome matter !
(Whispering, laughing?)
138 The Fruits of Culture
Professor (stops, tftcn continues}. The mole-
cules of atoms, but the atoms have no exten-
sion and are essentially nothing else than cen-
tres of force. That is, to express it more pre-
cisely, not force, but energy the energy
which is something just as specific and inde-
structible as matter. But as there is only one
matter, however varied its forms, so also with
energy. Until very recently we knew of but
four forms of energy, each of which was con-
vertible into the other. We knew of dynami-
cal, thermal, electrical, and chemical energy.
But the four forms of energy do not by any
means comprise the entire multiplicity of its
manifestations. The manifestations of energy
are multiform, and it is one of these new but
little known forms of energy which we are to
study. I refer to the energy of mediumisjn.
(Again whispering and laughing from the corner where
the young people are sitting?)
Professor (stops, looks around severely, and
continues). Reports of mediumistic energy
come down to mankind from ancient times.
Prophecies, forebodings, visions, and many
other phenomena are nothing but manifesta-
tions of mediumistic energy. The phenomena
1'Jic Fruits of Culture 139
it produces are known from antiquity. But the
energy itself was not recognized as such until
recent times, so long as the 'sphere was not
recognized whose undulations cause the medi-
umistic phenomena. As the phenomena of
light were inexplicable so long as the presence
of an imponderable substance, ether, was not
recognized, so also the mediumistic phenomena
remained a mystery to us before the now indis-
putable truth was established that there is a
still finer imponderable substance between the
particles of the ether which is not subject to
the law of the three dimensions. . . .
{Again whispering, laughing, and squeaking.}
Professor (again looks around severely). And
as the mathematical calculations have indis-
putably demonstrated the existence of an im-
ponderable ether which produces the phenom-
ena of light and electricity, just so a brilliant
series of the most reliable experiments by
the gifted Herrmann, Schmidt, and Joseph
Schmatzhofen have unquestionably demon-
strated the reality of a substance which fills
the universe and may be described as the spir-
itual ether.
Fat Lady. Yes, now it is clear to me. How
grateful . . .
140 TJie Fruits of C^^ltnre
Leonid Fcdorovitch. Yes ; but is it not pos-
sible, Alexei Vladimirovitch, to express your-
self ... a little rrlore briefly ?
Professor (zvithout replying). Thus the laws
of the mediumistic phenomena have been set
forth by a series of strictly scientific experi-
ments and investigations/ as I have had the
honor to explain to you. These experiments
have taught us that the entrance of certain per-
sons into the hypnotic condition, which differs
from common sleep only in this, that in the
entrance into this sleep physiological action is
not only not lowered, but increased, as we have
seen above it was established, I say, that the
entrance of any subject into this condition nec-
essarily produces certain disturbances in the
spiritual ether, disturbances which perfectly
resemble those produced by the immersion of a
hard substance in a fluid. Now these disturb-
ances are what we call mediumistic phenom-
ena. . . .
(Laughing, whispering^)
Sachatoff. That is perfectly correct and
plain. But allow me one question : if, as you
are* pleased to say, the going to sleep of the
medium produces disturbances of the spiritual
ether, why is it that these disturbances, as is
The Fruits of Culture 141
usually assumed at Spiritualistic stances, always
take the shape of manifestations of deceased
persons ?
Professor. That is because the particles of
this spiritual ether are nothing but the souls of
the living, the dead, and the unborn, so that
every agitation of this spiritual ether necessarily
produces the familiar movement of its particles.
But these particles are nothing else than the
souls of men, which enter into communion with
one another in consequence of this movement.
Fat Lady (to Sachatoff). What is the diffi-
culty in comprehending this ? It is very sim-
ple ... I thank you, I thank you very much!
Leonid FedorovitcJi. Now, I think, everything
is plain, and we can begin.
Pliysician. The young fellow is in a perfectly
normal state. Temperature 99, pulse 74.
Professor (takes out his note book and writes).
In confirmation of what I have just had the
honor to explain I may cite the* circumstance
that the falling asleep of the medium will un-
doubtedly be accompanied by a rise of the
temperature and of the pulse, just as in cases of
hypnotism.
Leonid Fedorovitch. Yes, yes, pardon me,
please, I was only going to answer the question
142 The Fruits of Culture
of Sergei Ivanovitch : how we know that the
souls of the deceased enter into communica-
tion with us. We know it by the fact that the
spirit which appears tells us forthwith quite
simply as I now tell this tells us forthwith who
he is, and why he has come, and where he is
staying, and whether all is well with him. At
our last stance the Spaniard Don Castilios ap-
peared and told us everything. He told us who
he was, when he died, that he was suffering
tortures because he had taken part in the Inqui-
sition. Still more, he told us what was happen-
ing to him at the very hour when he was speak-
ing to us, and, strange to say, he was to be born
again for the earth at the very hour when he
was speaking with us, and therefore was obliged
to cut short the conversation begun with us.
But you shall really see with your own eyes . . .
Fat Lady (interrupting). Ah, how interest-
ing! Perhaps the Spaniard was born in our
house and is now a child.
Leonid Fedorovitch. Quite possible !
Professor. I think it is time to begin.
Leonid Fedorovitcli. I was only going to
say . . .
Professor. It is already late.*
Leonid FcdororitcJi. Very well, then. Let
The Fruits of Culture 143
us begin. Anton Barissovitch, will you have
the goodness to put the medium to sleep ?
Grossmann. How do you want me to put
the subject to sleep ? There are four different
ways in use, Braid's method, the Egyptian
symbol, the method of Charcot.
Leonid Fcdorovitch (to t/te Professor). That
is quite immaterial, I think.
Professor. There is no difference.
Grossmann. Then I will apply my method
which I demonstrated at Odessa.
Leonid Fcdorovitch. If you please !
(GROSSMANN makes passes over SEMION'S head. SE-
MION closes his eyes and stretches himself!)
Grossmann (observing). He is falling asleep,
he is asleep. A strikingly sudden appearance
of hypnosis. The subject clearly is already
in the anaesthetic condition. A remarkable,
an extraordinarily impressionable subject ; one
might make interesting experiments with him !
. . . ( He sits dotun, rises, and sits down again.)
Now one might pierce his hand. If you wish . . .
Professor (to Leonid Fedorovitch). Do you
notice how the sleep of the medium is affecting
Grossmann ? He is beginning to vibrate . . .
Leonid Fedorovitch. Yes, yes. Can we put
out the light now ?
144 The Fruits of Culture
SacJiatoff. But what is the use of darkness?
Professor. Darkness ? Darkness is one of
the conditions under which the mediumistic
energy manifests itself, just as a definite tem-
perature is the condition of certain manifesta-
tions of chemical or dynamical energy.
Leonid Fedorovitch. Not always. To many,
among them myself also, they have appeared in
light, in broad daylight even.
Professor (interrupting}. Is the light to be
put out ?
Leonid Fedorovitch. Yes, yes. (Puts out the
lights?) Ladies and gentlemen, I now bespeak
your attention.
(TANIA creeps from under the sofa and reaches out for
the thread which she has fastened to the candlestick.)
PetristcJiejf. Well, how I was amused by the
Spaniard ! How in the middle of the conversa-
tion piqucr une tetc, as they say he . . .
Betsy. Just wait and see what will happen.
PetristcJiejf. I fear only one thing that
Wowo might break out.
Vassili Leoniditch. Shall I ? I'll fire off ...
Leonid Fedorovitch. \ Gentlemen, please not
to talk !
(Quiet. SEMION licks afinger, passes it over his knuckles,
and saws the air.)
The Fruits of Culture 145
Leonid Fedorovitch. It flashes ! Do you see
how it flashes !
Sachatoff. It flashes ! Yes, yes, I see ; but
permit me . . .
Fat Lady. Where ? where ? Ah, I did not
see it ! There it is ! Ah ! . . .
Professor (whispers something to Leonid Fe-
dorovitch and points to Grossmann, who is mov-
ing to and fro}. Observe how he is vibrating.
A double force !
(Again flashing.)
Leonid Fedorovitch (to the Professor). That
is he !
Sachatoff. Who ?
Leonid Fedorovitch. The Greek, Nicolas.
That is his flashing. Is it not, Alexei Vladi-
mirovitch ?
Sachatoff. The Greek, Nicolas, who is he ?
Professor. A Greek who was a monk at
Byzantium in the time of Constantine, and who
has often visited us of late.
Fat Lady. But where is he, where is he ? I
see nothing.
Leonid Fedorovitch. He is not to be seen
either. Alexei Vladimirovitch, he is always
particularly friendly towards you. Question
him !
146 The Fruits of Culture
Professor (in a peculiar voice). Nicolas ! Is
that you ?
(TANIA raps twice against the wall.)
Leonid Fedorovitch (exultant). It is he ! It
is he !
Fat Lady. Hu, hu ! I'll go away !
Sachatoff. But why is it supposed that it
is he ?
Leonid Fedorovitch. It rapped twice. That
is an affirmative answer; otherwise he would
have kept silent.
(Pause. 'Suppressed laughter in the young folks' corner.
TANIA drops on the table a lamp-shade, a lead-
pencil, and a pen-wiper}
Leonid Fedorovitch (whispering). Attention,
gentlemen! A lamp-shade! Something else.
A lead-pencil ! Alexei Vladimirovitch, a lead-
pencil !
Professor. Indeed, indeed ! J am watching
both him and Grossmann. Did you notice ?
(GrROSSMANN rises and looks at the things that fell on
the table.}
Sachatoff. Pardon me, pardon me. I should
like to convince myself if all this is not done by
the medium himself.
The Fruits of Culture 147
Leonid Fedorovitch. Do you doubt ? Sit
clown beside him then, and hold him fast by the
hands. But you may be sure he is asleep.
Sachatoff (wants to go; tJic thread which
Tania lets down touches his head ; lie collapses
terrified}. Y-ye-yes ! Strange ! Strange !
(He goes farther, grasps SEMION by the elbow. SEMION
bellows.}
Professor (to Leonid FcdorovitcJi). Do you
hear how Grossmann's proximity is affecting
him ? A new phenomenon, that must be noted.
(He runs out and makes a note, then he returns?)
Leonid Fcdorovitch. Yes . . . but we must
not leave Nicolas without response; we must
begin . . .
Gross mann (rises, approaches Semi on, lifts his
hand, and lets it fall again). Now it would be
interesting to produce a contracture. The sub-
ject is in a state' of complete hypnosis.
Professor (to Leonid FedorovitcJi). You see ?
You see ?
Grossmann. If you wish . . .
Physician. Please, dear friend, do not inter-
fere with Alexei Vladimirovitch . . . the thing
is now getting serious.
148 The Fruits of Culture
Professor. Let him. He is already talking
in his sleep.
Fat Lady. How glad I am that I decided to
stay here ! I am frightened, but nevertheless
I am glad ; for I have always told my hus-
band, , . .
Leonid Fedorovitch. I must request peace.
(TANIA draws the thread over the head of the FAT
LADY.)
Fat Lady. Oo !
Leonid Fedorovitch. What is it ? What is
it?
Fat Lady. He took hold of my hair.
Leonid Fedorovitch (ti'hispering). Do not
fear, give him your hand. His hand is always
cold ; but I like that.
Fat Lady (hides her hands.} Not for anything
in the world !
Sachatoff. Yes, strange, strange!
Leonid Fedorovitch. He is here, and desires
to enter into communication with us. Who
would like to ask him a question ?
Sachatoff. Permit me to ask.
Professor. Have the goodness.
Sachatoff. Do I believe, or do I not believe ?
(TANIA raps twice.}
The Fruits of Culture 149
Professor. An affirmative answer.
Sachatoff. Permit me to continue. Have
I a ten-rouble note in my pocket ?
(TANIA raps many times and draws the thread over
SACHATOFF'S head.)
Sachatoff. Ah ! ... {He seises tJie thread
and breaks it. )
Professor. I should like to request those
present not to put indefinite or jesting 'ques-
tions. It is disagreeable to him.
Sachatoff. No, pardon me, I have a thread
in my hand.
Leonid FedorovitcJi. A thread ? Hold- it
fast. That happens frequently ; not only cotton
thread, but also silk cords of ancient times.
Sachatoff. Well, but where does this thread
come from ?
(TANIA throws a pillow at him.)
Sachatoff. Pardon me, pardon me, some-
thing soft has struck me on the head. Let us
have a light here something is passing . . .
Professor. We must request you not to dis-
turb the manifestations.
Fat Lady. For God's sake, do not make any
disturbance. I should also like to put a ques-
tion ; may I ?
150 TJie Fruits of Culture
Leonid Fcdorovitch. Certainly, certainly !
Just ask !
Fat Lady. I should like to consult him con-
cerning my stomach. May one do that ? I
should like to ask what I am to take : aconite
or belladonna ?
(Pause. Whispering in the young folks' corner. Sud-
denly VASSILI LEONIDITCH cries like an infant : ua,
ua ! Laughter. The young ladies and PETRISTCHEFF
cover their mouths and noses and run away, breath-
ing hard.
Fat Lady. Ah ! surely the monk has been
born again ?
Leonid Fedorovitch (in a rage, whispering in
wrat/i). You think of nothing but your non-
sense. If you cannot behave decently, then go
away!
(Exit VASSILI LEONIDITCH.)
SCENE XX.
LEONID FEDOROVITCH, PROFESSOR, the FAT LADY,
SACHATOFF, GROSSMANN, the PHYSICIAN, SEMION,
and TANIA. (Darkness. Pause.)
Fat Lady. Ah, too bad ! Now one cannot
put any more questions. He is born.
Leonid Fedorovitch. By no means. That
J7ie Fruits of Culture 151
was Wowo's nonsense. He is here. Just
ask.
Professor. That happens frequently; jests
and mockeries of this sort are quite usual. I
presume he is still here. Besides, we can ask.
Leonid Fedorovitch, will you ?
Leonid Fedorovitch. No, please, you. I am
in a bad humor. What an annoyance ! Such
a want of tact ! . . .
Professor. Very well, then. Nicolas ! Are
you still here ?
(TANIA raps twice and knocks against the bell. SEMION
begins to bellow and saw the air with his hands. He
seizes SACHATOFF and the PROFESSOR, and chokes
them.)
Professor. What an unexpected manifesta-
tion ! A direct action upon the medium him-
self. That is unprecedented. Leonid Fedoro-
vitch, will you take the observations ; I don't
feel well. He is choking me. Keep a strict
watch on Grossmann ! Now's the time to keep
a bright lookout.
(TANIA throws the document of the peasants on the
table^
Leonid Fedorovitch. Something has fallen
on the table.
152 The Fruits of Culture
Professor. See what it is.
Leonid Fedorovitch. A paper, a folded sheet
of paper!
(TANIA throws a traveller's inkstand.}
Leonid Fedorovitch. An inkstand !
(TANIA throws a pen.)
Leonid Fedorovitch. A pen !
(SEMION keeps on bellowing and choking.')
Professor (strangling). Pardon me, pardon
me, an entirely new phenomenon, it is not the
produced mediumistic energy, but the medium
himself that is in action. Do open the ink-
stand and place the pen on the paper ; he
wishes to write, he surely wishes to write.
(TANIA steals up behind- LEONID FEDOROVITCH and
strikes him on the head with the guitar.)
Leonid Fedorovitch. He struck me on the
head ! (He looks on the table.) The pen does
not yet write, and the paper is still folded to-
gether.
Professor. See what the paper contains.
Quick, quick. Clearly the double force of him
and Grossmann is causing disturbances.
Leonid Fedorovitch (takes the paper out of tJie
The Fruits of Culture 153
room and returns presently). Extraordinary !
This paper is the contract with the peasants
which I refused to sign this morning and gave
back to the peasants. It is likely lie wants me
to sign it.
Professor. Of course ! Of course ! Just
ask him.
Leonid Fedorovitch. Nicolas ! Do you wish
(TANIA raps twice.)
Professor. Do you hear ? Evidently, evi-
dently !
(LEONID FEDOROVITCH takes the pen and leaves the
room. TANIA raps, plays on the guitar and the
harmonica, and creeps back under the sofa. LEO-
NID FEDOROVITCH returns SEMION stretches him-
self and expectorates?)
Leonid Fedorovitch, He is waking up. We
can light the candles.
Professor (hastily). Doctor, doctor, please,
the temperature and the pulse. You will pres-
ently note a rise.
Leonid Fedorovitch (lights the candles). How
now, incredulous ladies and gentlemen ?
Physician (approaches Semion and inserts the
thermometer}. Well, noble youth ! Slept well ?
Take this into your mouth, and give me your
hand. (Looks at his watch.}'
154 77<r Fruits of Culture
Sachatoff (draws up Jiis shoulders}. I can
show that the medium cannot possibly have
done all that has just passed here. But the
thread ? . . . I should only like to get an ex-
planation of this thread.
Leonid Fedoroiritch. The thread, the thread!
But there have been much more important
things.
Sachatoff. I don't know. At all events, je
reserve man opinion.
l ? at Lady (to Sachatoff). By no means, how
can you say : je reserve won opinion f And the
boy with the wings ? Did you not see him ?
First I thought it was only a shimmer, but then
it became clear, clear, as if in the flesh.
Sachatoff. I can only say what I saw. That
I did not see, no.
Fat Lady. How is that possible ? It was
surely quite plainly to be seen. And from the
left the. monk in the black gown bent down to
him . . .
Sachatoff (walks away). What an exaggera-
tion !
Fat Lady (turning to the physician}. You
must have seen him. He rose by your side.
(The PHYSICIAN continues counting the pulse without
listening to her.)
The Fruits of Culture 155
Fat Lady (to Gross-maun}. And a light, a
light shone forth from him, especially about his
face. And his features were so mild, so deli-
cate, something super-earthly ! (She herself
smiles softly.}
Grossmanu. I saw a phosphorescent light, I
saw things moving about; but further than
that I did not see anything.
Fat Lady (to Grossmanu}. But I beg of
you ! You say that so. That comes from your
not believing in the future life, like all the
savants of Charcot's school. But no one, no
one in all the world can now take from me the
belief in a future life.
(GROSSMANN goes away from her}
Fat Lady. No, no, say what you will, that
was one of the happiest hours of my life.
When I heard Sarasate and this . . . Yes ! (No
one listens to her. She goes to Semion.} Well,
you tell me, my son, what you felt. Did it
torture you badly?
Semion (laughs}. Certainly.
Fat Lady. But nevertheless it was endura-
ble ?
Semion. Certainly. (To Leonid Fedoro-
vitch.} Shall I go now ?
156 The Fruits of Culture
Leonid Fedorovitch. Go, go.
PJiysician (to the Professor}. The pulse is as
before ; but the temperature has fallen.
Professor. Fallen ? (He thinks awhile and
suddenly has it} So it had to be, too, a fall
had to take place ! The two energies, inas-
much as they crossed each other, had to pro-
duce a kind of interference. Yes, yes.
Leonid Fedorovitch. I am only sorry \
for the one thing that we did not get a
complete materialization. But neverthe-
less . . . please, into the front room, ladies
and gentlemen.
Fat Lady. What struck me especially
was the way he flapped his wings, and
that one could see him rise. f
Grossmann (to SacJiatoff}. If one were
dealing only with hypnosis, one might
produce complete epilepsy. The success
might prove complete.
SacJiatoff. Interesting, but not abso-
lutely convincing. That is all I can say. /
The Fruits of Culture 157
SCENE XXI.
LEONID FEDOROVITCH ivilh the document. FEDOR
IVANITCH enters.
Leonid Fedorovitch. Fedor, it was a seance
wonderful ! It is clear that I must agree to
the terms of the peasants.
Fedor Ivanitch. Impossible !
Leonid Fedorovitch. Certainly ! (He shows
the document?) Just think, the document that
I gave back to them appears suddenly on the
table. I have signed it.
Fedor Ivanitch. How did it come here ?
Leonid FedorovitcJi. It was here. (Exit?)
(FEDOR I VAWYCK follows him}
SCENE XXII.
TANIA alone, she creeps from under the sofa and laughs.
Tania. O thou my soul ! Children, chil-
dren, the fear I endured when he snatched after
the thread. (She squeals?) But it succeeded
he has signed.
158 The Fruits of Culture
SCENE XXIII.
TANIA and GREGOIU.
Gregori. So you have played a hoax on
them ?
Tania. What's that to you ?
Gregori. Well, do you think her ladyship
will praise you for it ? No, there you make a
big mistake ; now I've got you. I will tell
your tricks if you won't do as I want you to.
Tania. I shall not do as you want, and they
cannot do anything against me.
(The curtain falls .)
ACT IV.
The stage represents the hall, as in the first act.
SCENE I.
Two footmen in livery, FEDOR IVANITCH and GREGORI.
First Footman tyuith gray whiskers). You arc
the third to-day. It's lucky the reception days
are all in the same neighborhood. Yours was
formerly Thursday.
F\-dor Ivanitcli. It is now changed to Satur-
day ; so that they all come on the same day :
Golovkins, Grade of Grabe ...
Second Footman. It's fine at Tcherbakoff's ;
when they have a ball, the lackeys also are
entertained.
SCENE II.
77*6' Same. The PRINCESS and her darighter coming
downstairs. BETSY accompanies them to the door.
The PRINCESS looks into a little note book, then on
her watch, and sits down on the chest. GREGORI
puts on her overs/iocs.
Princess* Daughter. No, you must surely
come. If you decline, Dodo also will decline,
and then it won't be anything at all.
160 The Fruits of Culture
Betsy. I don't know. I must certainly go
to Shubin's. Then we have rehearsal.
Princess 1 Daughter. You will still be in
time. No, you must indeed come. Ne nous
fais pas faux bond. Fedja and Koko are also
there.
Betsy. J' en ai par-dessus la tete dc votre Coco.
Princess 1 Datighter. I expected to find him
here. Ordinairement il est d'une exactitude . . .
Betsy. He will surely be here yet.
Princess'' Daughter. Whenever I see him
together with you, I imagine he must have just
made his proposal to you, or that he is just
about to make it.
Betsy. Yes, I shall probably have to go
through that anyway. Very painful !
Princess 1 Daughter. Poor Koko ! He is so
.enamoured.
Betsy. Cesses ; les gens !
(The young princess seats herself on the causeuse and
talks in a 'whisper. GREGORI puts on her overshoes.)
Princess 1 Daughter: This evening, then.
Betsy. I will see.
Princess. Tell your papa, then, I believe
nothing; but I will come to see his new
medium. He must only let me know. Fare-
The Fruits of Culture 161
well, ma toute belle. (Kisses her and leaves with
her daughter.}
(BETSY goes upstairs?)
SCENE III.
The two footmen, FEDOR IVANITCH, and GREGORI.
Gregori. I don't like to put on old ladies'
shoes. They can't bend, can't see beyond their
belly, and always step aside ; quite different
with the young it is even a pleasure only to
hold in one's hand such a pretty foot.
Second Footman. He would like to choose,
he!
First Footman. The like of us can't choose
much.
Gregori. Why should we not choose, are we
cattle ? They think we don't understand it ; as
they were just getting into their talk and looked
over to me, suddenly it was : lay zhon !
Second Footman. And what does that mean ?
Gregori. That means : don't talk, he can
understand it. Just so at table ; but I under-
stand. You say : there is a difference, I tell
you, no difference at all !
First Footman. A great difference, one must
know it.
1 62 The Fruits of Culture
Gregori. No difference at all. To-day I am
a lackey, but to-morrow perhaps I can have as
good a living as they. Also lackeys are mar-
ried, such things have been ! I want to light a
cigarette. (Exit.}
SCENE IV.
The Same except GKKGORI.
Second Footman. That young man puts on a
big front.
Fedor Ivanitch. A vain fellow, unfit for ser-
vice; he was once in business, there he was
spoilt. I talked against him, too, but her lady-
ship was pleased with him, he cuts a fine
figure on the carriage.
First Footman. I wish he were with our
duke ; he would make things plain to him.
O, he just delights in such windbags! Are
you a lackey, be a lackey, do what is your duty ;
these airs are out of-place.
SCENE V.
The Same. PETKISTCHEFF comes quickly downstairs
and takes out a cigarette. KOKO KLINGEN enters,
he wears his eyeglasses, and goes towards him.
Petristcheff (lost in tlioughi). Yes, yes. My
second is "Ka." Karo. My whole . . . Yes,
The Fruits of Culture 163
yes. Ah, little Koko-Karo ! Where do you
come from ?
Klingen. From TcherbakofP s. You are
always full of nonsense. . . .
PetristcJieff. O no, listen, a charade. My
first is "Ka," my second "Kin," my whole
where the foxes say good night to each other.
Klingen. I don't know, I don't know, nor
have I time.
Petristcheff. But where else do you want
to go ?
Klingen. Where ? To Ivin's, there is to be
a rehearsal of the chorus. Then to Shubin's,
then to the rehearsal of the charade. You
must sur.ely also be there?
Petristcheff. Certainly, I will surely be
there. . . . Up to this time I've acted the wild
man, now I'll act the wild man and the general.
Klingen. Tell me, how was it at yesterday's
seance ?
Petristcheff. It was killing ! A peasant was
there ; but the best thing was it all passed
off in the dark. Wowo bawled like a baby, the
professor kept holding forth, and Maria Vassi-
lievna promptly held after. It was killing !
Too bad you were not there.
Klingen. I am afraid, mon cher. You know
164 The Fruits of Culture
how to turn everything into a jest, and it always
strikes me as if the least thing I say were in-
stantly set down as meaning a formal proposal.
Et fa ne m arrange pas du tout, du tout. Mais
du tout, du tout !
PetristcJicff. Make a proposal to the noble
house, that's nothing. Come with me to
Wowo. . . .
Klingen. I cannot understand how you can
in any way have anything to do with that block-
head. He is really too stupid, a regular
stick !
Petristcheff. Well, I love him. I love
Wowo; but with "that strange love," "to
him will ever wend his way the wanderer "...
(Exit into VASSILI LEONIDITCH'S room.}
SCENE VI.
The two footmen, FEDOR IVANITCH, KOKO KLINGEN.
BETSY accompanies a lady to the door. KOKO
salutes significantly.
Betsy (shaking his hand in passing ; to the
lady). You are not acquainted ?
Lady. No.
Betsy. Baron Klingen ! How is it you were
not here yesterday ?
The Fruits of Culture 165
Klingen. It was impossible, I could not
find time.
Betsy. Too bad, it was exceedingly interest-
ing. (She laughs.} You ought just to have
seen the manifestations.
Betsy (to Klingen). Come along to mamma.
(BETSY and KOKO KLINGEN ttpstairs.}
SCENE VII.
FEDOR IVANITCH, the two footmen, and JACOB (comes
from the buffet holding a tt ay with tea and a roast ;
he walks across the room, panting).
Jacob (to the footmen}. Your humble servant,
your humble servant!
(The footmen salute him.}
\
Jacob (to Fedor h'anitch}. If you would only
ask Gregori Michailitch to help me. I am tired
out getting things ready. (Exit.}
SCENE VIII.
The Same except JACOB.
First Footman. There's a willing man for
you.
Fedor IvanitcJi. A good fellow, but her lady-
1 66 The Fruits of Culture
ship takes no fancy to him, he doesn't rep-
resent enough, she thinks. And yesterday,
moreover, they slandered him, he is accused of
having let the peasants into the kitchen. If
they only would not discharge him ! And the
fellow is good.
Second Footman. What peasants?
Fedor Ivanitch. They came from our village
in Kursk; they want to buy land, it was in the
night, countrymen besides. One is the father
of the kitchen boy. So they were taken into
the kitchen. Just then there was some mind-
reading going on; the gentlemen had hidden
something near by, every one came down, her
ladyship saw them and the mischief was
done ! What, says she, these people may be
infected, and you let them into the kitchen ! . . .
She is terribly afraid of this infection.
SCENE IX.
The Same and GREGORI.
Fedor Ivanitch. Go and help Jacob Ivanitch,
Gregori; I'll stay here alone. But he cannot
get through alone.
Gregori. He is awkward, that's why he can't
get through. (Exit.}
TJic Fruits of Culture 167
SCENE X.
The Same except GREGORI.
First Footman. What new fashion is this
now again, this infection! . . . Your ladyship
too is afraid ?
Fedor fvanitcJi. As of fire ! In this house
we have now nothing else to do than to fumi-
gate, scrub, and sprinkle.
First Footman. That's why the air seemed
so oppressive to me here. (Lively?) It is in-
credible what sins spring from this infection.
It is horrible ! As if there were no God ! At
the house of the sister of our master, the Prin-
cess Massoloff, the daughter lay dying. And
what happened ? Neither father nor mother
would enter the room, to say the last farewell.
The daughter wept, she bade them be present
at the parting, they came not ! The doctor
had discovered an infectious disease. And yet
there were people in the room with her, her
maid and the nurse, and nothing whatever
happened to them ; both are quite well.
1 68 The Fruits of Culture
SCENE XI.
The Same, VASSILI LEONIDITCH, and PETRISTCHEFF
(come through the door, smoking cigarettes).
Petristcheff. Do come along. I only want
to look in at little Koko-Karo's.
Vassili Leoniditch. A dunce, your little
Koko ! I tell you I can't bear the fellow. A
vain chap, with the nature of a typical waiter.
Nothing but roving about the whole day long.
Eh?
Petristdicff. Wait then, I just want to say
good bye.
Vassili 'Leoniditch. Very well. I will go
look after the dogs in the coachmen's room.
The one hound is so furious ; the coachman
says he nearly ate him up. Eh ?
Petristcheff. Which ate which ? The coach-
man ate the hound ?
Vassili Leoniditch. Your eternal . . . (Exit
taking his cloak.}
Petristcheff (meditating}. . . . Ma-kin-tosh,
Ka-ro-li-na. Yes, correct. (Exit by the stairs.}
The Fruits of Culture 169
SCENE XII.
The two footmen, FEDOR IVANITCH, and JACOB (runs
across the stage at the opening and close of the scene).
Fedor Ivanitch (to Jacob}. What's the mat-
ter ?
Jacob. They are out of sandwiches ! I had
almost said . . . (Exit.}
Second Footman. And besides, our young
master was taken ill. He was at once taken to
the hotel with the nurse, and died there, too,
without his mother.
First Footman. How little fear they have of
sin ! There is no escaping from God.
Fedor IvanitcJi. So I think too.
(JACOB runs upstairs with the sandwiches?)
First Footman. And then just think, if we
had to be afraid of all men, we would have to
lock ourselves in within our four walls and stay
there as in a prison.
;
SCENE XIII.
The Same and TANIA, then JACOB.
Tania (salutes the footman}. Good day to
you !
(The footmen bow.}
170 The Fruits of Culture
Tania. Fedor Ivanitch, I should like to
speak a word with you.
Fedor IvanitcJi. Well, what is it ?
Tania. They are here again, Fedor Ivanitch,
the peasants . . .
Fedor Ivanitch. Well, what then ? I gave
the paper to Semion.
Tania. I have given them the paper ; and
how grateful they are I cannot tell you. Now
they only ask that the money may be received.
Fedor IvanitcJi. Where are they ?
Tania. Here, they are standing at the en-
trance.
Fedor Ivanitch. Very well, I will announce
it.
Tania. But I have still another request to
make of you, dear Fedor Ivanitch.
Fedor Ivanitch. What is it ?
Tania. You see, Fedor Ivanitch, I do not
want to stay here any longer. Ask them for
my dismissal.
QACOB, rushing in.)
Fedor Ivanitch (to Jacob). What do you
want ?
Jacob. Another samovar and oranges.
Fedor Ivanitch. Ask the housekeeper.
(A'.ivV JACOI-,. in a hurry.)
The Fruits of Culture 171
Fedor Ivanitch. And why ?
Tania. Why, you know ! My affair stands
so now . . .
Jacob (rushing in). There are not enough
oranges.
Fedor Ivanitch. Serve as many as there are.
(Exit Jacob, in a hurry.} You ha.ve chosen
your time badly : you see in what a commo-
tion . . .
Tania. But you know that best yourself,
Fedor Ivanitch, the commotion never ends
here. There one could wait a long time you
know that best of any and my affair is for
life. . . . Dear Fedor Ivanitch, you have been
so good to me, be my real father now ; do find
a quarter of an hour to tell it in. Otherwise
she will get angry and not give me my book.
Fedor Ivanitch. But what's the hurry ?
Tania. But I beg of you, Fedor Ivanitch.
The affair is arranged now. ... I would like to
go to my mother and to my godmother first
and prepare this thing and that. And immedi-
ately after Easter the wedding is to be. Do
tell it, dear Fedor Ivanitch !
Fedor Ivanitch. Let me alone now, this is
not the proper place.
172 The Fruits of Culture
SCENE XIV.
An old gentleman comes downstairs and silently leaves
with the second footman. Exit TANIA. FEDOR
IVANITCH, first footman, and JACOB (coming).
Jacob. It is really sad ! Now she wants to
send me .away, Fedor Ivanitch. " You break
everything," she says, " neglect Fifka ; you
also allowed the peasants to come into the
kitchen against my orders." And you know
best of all that I had no idea of the whole
affair. Tatiana says to me : " Take them to the
kitchen " ; how can I know who gave the order ?
Fedor Ivanitch. What, is that what she said ?
Jacob. Just this minute she said so. Do
speak a word for me, Fedor .Ivanitch ! As
soon as one's wife and children begin to fare
a little better, the order comes, go find your-
self another place ; God knows when I can find-
one. Please do it, Fedor Ivanitch !
SCENE XV.
FEDOR IVANITCH, first footman, and HER LADYSHIP ac-
company to the door an old countess with false hair
and teeth. The Jirst footman wraps the countess in
her cloak.
Her LadysJiip. Absolutely, to be sure. I
am deeply affected.
The Fruits of Culture 173
Countess. If my health would permit, I
should come to see you oftener.
Her Ladyship. I tell you, have Peter Petro-
vitch; he is a little blunt, but no man under-
stands so well how to quiet one ; everything is
so simple, so clear with him.
Countess. No, no. I am used to this now.
Her Ladyship. Take care.
Countess. Merci, mille fois merci.
SCENE XVI.
The Same and GREGORI (comes running out of the buffet
excited and with dishevelled hair. SEMIOX -visible
in the rear).
Semion. Don't you run after her now !
Gregori. I'll teach you, rascal to strike !
You'll see, miserable wretch !
Her Ladyship. What does this mean ? Do
you think you are in a tavern ?
Gregori. I cannot stand it with this coarse
peasant rowdy.
Her Ladyship (annoyed}. Are you crazy,
don't you see ? (To the countess?) Merci, mille
fois merci. A mardi !
(Exeunt COUNTESS and first footman?)
1/4 The Fruits of Ctiltttre
SCENE XVII.
FEDOR IVANITCH, HER LADYSHIP, GREGORI, and
SEMION.
Her Ladyship (to Gregori}. What has hap-
pened ?
Gregori. Even if I am only a lackey, I have
some pride and won't let every peasant touch
me.
Her Ladyship. But what has happened,
then ?
Gregori. Your Semion is putting on airs
because he has sat in the same room with your
lordships. He feels like striking.
Her LadysJiip. What does that mean, what
for?
Gregori. God knows.
Her Ladyship (to Semion). What in all the
world does this mean ?
Semion. Why does he always run after her ?
Her Ladyship. Well, now, what is it that
has happened between you two ?
Semion (smiling). Well, he is always em-
bracing Tania, the chambermaid, and she does
not want that. So I pushed him aside, this
way, so ... very gently with the hand.
The Fruits of Culture 175
Gregori. A nice way to push one aside ; he
almost broke my ribs. And my dress-coat he
tore ! And what does he say ? The force
came over me, he says, just like yesterday.
And with that he chokes me.
Her Ladyship (to Semioii). How can you
dare to fight in my house ?
Fedor IvanitcJi. Permit me to say one word,
Anna Pavlovna. You must know that Semion
has an affection for Tania, and now they are
engaged. Gregori, however, I must indeed
speak the truth does not act well, not prop-
erly. And Semion, I think, was hurt by that.
Gregori. Not at all ; merely out of rage,
because I revealed her tricks.
Her Ladyship. What tricks ?
Gregori. At the seance. All yesterday's
performances were made by Tania, not Semion.
I saw with my own eyes how she crept out
from under the sofa.
Her Ladyship. What does that mean, crept
out from under the sofa ?
Gregori. Upon my honor. She also had the
paper and threw it on the table. Without her
the paper would not have been signed, and the
land would not have been sold to the peasants.
Her Ladyship. You saw it yourself ?
176 The Fruits of Culture
Gregori. With my own eyes. Just have her
called, she will not deny it.
Her LadysJiip. Call her!
(Exit GREGORI.)
SCENE XVIII.
The Same except GREGORI. Noise behind the scene j the
voice of the steward : "// won't do ; it won't do I "
The steward becomes visible ; the three peasants
crowd past him on to the stage. The second peasant
first; the third peasant stumbles, falls, and puts his
hand to his nose.
Steward. It won't do ; away !
Second Peasant. O, now, there is no harm
in it. We don't want anything bad. We only
want to pay the money.
First Peasant. Real-ly, now with the per-
sonal signature the business is completed, and
we only wanted to bring the money and to
offer our thanks.
Her LadysJiip. Just wait, just wait with
your thanks, it is all a fraud. The affair is not
settled yet. The sale is not yet completed.
Leonid ! Go call Leonid Fedorovitch.
(Exit steward^]
The Fruits of Culture 177
SCENE XIX.
The Same and LEONID FEDOROVITCH comes ; when he
sees HER LADYSHIP and the peasants, he tries to
withdraw.
Her Ladyship. No, no, I beg you, come
here ! I told you that land is not sold on
credit, and everybody told you so. But you
allow yourself to be cheated like the biggest
fool.
Leonid Fedorovitch. How cheated? I don't
understand, what fraud are you talking about ?
Her Ladyship. You ought to be ashamed of
yourself. You have gray hair and allow your-
self to be cheated like a schoolboy, and to be
led by the nose. You begrudge your son three
hundred beggarly roubles when his social po-
sition is at stake, and allow yourself to be duped
like a silly schoolboy and swindled out of thou-
sands.
Leonid Fedorovitch. I beg you, Annette,
compose yourself.
First Peasant. We only came, so to speak,
to pay the sum . . .
TJiird Peasant (takes out the money}. Finish
this up with us, for Christ's sake !
Her Ladyship. Just wait yet, just wait,
178 The Fruits of Culture
SCENE XX.
The Same, GREGORI and TANIA.
Her LadysJiip (severely to Taniii). Were you
in the little reception room yesterday evening
during the stance ?
(TANIA sighs, looks around for FEDOR IVANITCH, LEONID
FEDOROVITCH, and SEMION.)
Gregori. No shuffling can help you here ; I
saw myself . . .
Her Ladyship. Tell me, were you there ? I
know everything, confess. Nothing will be
done to you. I only want to unmask him
(fainting to Leonid FtdorovitcJi), the master
here . . . Did you throw the paper on the table ?
Tania. I do not know what I am to say. I
only ask whether you can give me my dismissal.
Her Ladyship (to Leonid FedorovitcJi). There
you see at least that you are being duped.
SCENE XXI.
The Same. BETSY enters at the beginning of the scene,
and remains standing unobserved.
Tania. My dismissal, Anna Pavlovna !
Her LadysJiip. No, my child ! You have
perhaps done a damage amounting to many
The Fruits of Culture 179
thousands. Now land has been sold which
ought not to have been sold.
Tania. My dismissal, Anna Pavlovna!
Her Ladyship. No, you must confess. Such
tricks must not be played. I will place the
affair in the hands of a justice of the peace.
Betsy (coming forward). Dismiss her, mam-
ma. But if you want to sue her, you must sue
me also, for we did everything together yes-
terday.
Her Ladyship. If you were in it also, surely
nothing good could come of it.
SCENE XXII.
The Same and the PROFESSOR.
Professor. How do you do, Anna Pavlovna ?
How do you do, gracious Miss ? For you,
Leonid Fedorovitch, I have brought the report
of the thirteenth Spiritualist Congress at Chi-
cago. A grand speech by Smith.
Leonid Fedorovitch. Ah, very interesting !
Her Ladyship. I can tell you something
much more interesting. It has come out that
you and my husband have been duped by this
silly thing here. Betsy says she is to blame ;
but that's only to hurt me ; in reality a silly
180 The Fruits of Culture
thing who can neither read upr write has made
fools of you both, and you believe in it ! Your
mediumistic phenomena of yesterday are pure
fiction ; (pointing to Tanid) this girl here did
everything.
Professor (taking off his wraps}. What, that
is to say ?
Her Ladyship. Yes, that is to say she played
on the guitar in the dark, she struck my hus-
band on the head, she made all your nonsense,
and has just now confessed it.
Professor (smiling}. And this is to prove
then ?
Her Ladyship. That proves that your me-
diumism is pure nonsense ! That proves
it!
Professor. Because this girl intended to de-
ceive, therefore mediumism must be pure
nonsense, as it pleases you to express yourself ?
(Smiling} Strange logic ! It may indeed be
possible that the girl did intend to deceive, such
things happen now and then ; it is also possible
that she did something what she did was
neither more nor less than a manifestation of
the mediumistic energy a manifestation of
the mediumistic energy. It is even very prob-
able that what this girl did called forth the
The Fruits of Culture 181
manifestation of the mediumistic energy, solic-
ited it, so to speak, gave it a definite form.
Her Ladyship. Another lecture ! . . .
Professor (severely}. You say, Anna Pav-
lovna, that this girl, and perhaps also this amia-
ble young lady, did something, but the flashes
that we all saw, the fall of the temperature in
the one, the rise in the other case, Grossmann's
excitement and vibrating motion, how, did the
girl do these also ? And these are facts, Anna
Pavlovna, facts ! No, Anna Pavlovna, there
are things which must be carefully examined
and thoroughly understood before talking about
them; far too serious things, far too serious . . .
Leonid FedorovitcJi. And the child whom
Maria Vassilievna plainly saw. And I saw it
also. . . . The gfrl. could not have made that ?
Her Ladyship. You imagine yourself to be
God knows how clever, and you are a fool !
Leonid Fedorovitch. I am going ; Alexei
Vladimirovitch, come to my room with me.
(Exit to his study.}
Professor (shrugs Jiis shoulders and follozus
him}. Yes, how far behind Europe we still
are !
1 82 The Fruits of Culture
SCENE XXIII.
HER LADYSHIP, the three peasants, FEDOR IVANITCH,
TANIA, BETSY, GREGORI, SEMION, </ JACOB.
Her LadysJiip (calling after Leonid Fedoro-
vitcli). He allows himself to be cheated like a
fool, and does not want to see it. (To Jacob.}
What do you want ?
Jacob. For how many do you want me to set
the table ?
Her LadysJiip. How many? . . . Fedor Ivan-
itch, have him deliver the silver to you ! Out
with you, immediately ! He is to blame for
everything. This fellow will yet bring me
to my grave. ' Yesterday he almost let the
doggy starve who had done him no harm.
That was not enough : yesterday he also sent
the pestilential peasants into the kitchen, and
now they are here again. He is to blame for
everything. , Out with you, out with you on the
spot ! Settle his accounts with him, settle his
accounts with him ! (To Semion.} And if you
ever allow yourself again to raise a tumult in
my house, I'll teach you, you miserable peas-
ant!
Second Peasant. Well, if he is a miserable .
T/ie Fruits of Culture 1^3
peasant, you need not keep him at all, settle
with him, and done with it !
Her Ladyship (iviiile listening to him, she looks
closely at the third peasant}. Just look here !
This one has an eruption on his nose, an erup-
tion ! He is sick ! a hotbed of disease ! ! Did
I not say even yesterday that they were not to
be let in, and now they are here again. Drive
them out !
Fedor Ivanitch. What, shall we not take
their money ?
Her Ladyship. Their money ? Take the
money, but they themselves, especially this
sick one here, away, away at once ! He is lep-
rous from top to toe !
Third Peasant. Entirely unfounded, little
mother, as sure as there is a God, entirely
unfounded. Just ask, I say, my wife. I lep-
rous ? I'm as smooth as glass.
Her LadysJiip. And he dares keep o.n talk-
ing ! . . . Away, away! Just all to spite me!
No. I can't any more, I can't any more. Call
Peter Petrovitch. (Runs out sobbing.}
(Exeunt JACOB and GREGORI )
184 The Fruits of Culture
SCENE XXIV. '
The Same except HER LADYSHIP, JACOB, and GREGORI.
Tania (to Betsy}. My dear gracious Miss,
what is to become of me now?
Betsy. Just be calm, be calm. Ride away
with them, I will see to all the rest. (Exit.}
SCENE XXV.
FEDOR IVANITCH, the three peasants, TANIA, and the
steward.
First Peasant. How is it with the payment
now, Sir ?
Second Peasant. Settle up with us.
Third Peasant (fidgeting with the money).
One ought to have known that ; for all my life I
would not have undertaken it. That takes one
down more than a malignant fever.
Fedor Ivanitch (to the steward}. Take them
to my room ; that is where the counting ma-
chine is. There I will also receive the money.
Go, go.
Steward. Come, come !
Fedor IvanitcJi. And offer your thanks to
Tania! Without her you could not have got-
ten the land.
The Fruits of Culture 185
First Peasant. Real-ly, just as she promised
she also carried it out.
Third Peasant. She has made human beings
of us. What would have become of us other-
wise ? The land is small, not a hen, I say, to
say nothing of cattle, has room. Good bye,
clever girl ! Once in the village, come to me to
eat honey.
Second Peasant. Just let me get home; I'll
set about the wedding at once and brew beer.
Only come soon !
Tania. I'll come, I'll come ! (Squeals.)
Semion, wasn't that nice ?
(Exeunt peasants?)
SCENE XXVI.
FEDOR IVANITCH, TANIA, and SEMION.
Fedor Ivanitch.. May God be with you !
And now remember, Tania, when you have
your own home, I will come to you as a guest.
Will you receive me ?
Tania. My dear, good Fedor Ivanitch, like
my own father I will receive you. (She em-
braces and kisses him.)
(The curtain falls.)
THE END.
"A novel that has no equivalent in the literature of this
century.' 1 ' 1 CHARLES MONSELET.
Uncle Benjamin.
A HUMOROUS, SATIRICAL, AND PHILOSOPHICAL NOVEL.
By CLAUDE TILLIER.
TRANSLATED FROM THE FRENCH BY
BENJ. R. TUCKER.
WITH A SKETCH OF THE AUTHOR'S LIFE AND WORKS BY
LUDWIC PFAU.
This novel, though it has enjoyed the honor of three translations into German, has
never before been translated into English. It is one of the most delightfully witty
works ever written. Almost every sentence excites a laugh. It is thoroughly realistic,
but not at all repulsive. Its satirical treatment of humanity's foibles, and its jovial but
profound philosophy, have won its author the title of " the modern Rabelais."
PRESS NOTICES.
Detroit News, " The book is certainly the most remarkable work published in
this country this year."
Boston Saturday Evening Gazette. " So remarkable a book that it is surprising
it should have remained so long without having been given a setting in English. . . .
It is wonderfully absorbing in interest. Its humor and its pathos are equally keen."
Utica Press." It pricks the bubble of pretensions, lays bare the sham of title,
makes mock of marriage for money, reveals the fountain of kindness, and shows the
gullibility of human credulity."
Richmond Despatch. "This book truly may be called a 'find.' It is worthy to
rank with 'Tom Jones,' ' Tristram Shandy,' Goldsmith's ' Vicar,' ' Don Quixote,' and
'Pickwick ' in wit, humor, satire, and philosophy. 'My Uncle Benjamin ' is a classic."
Detroit free Press." One of the cleverest books that has come from the Ameri-
can press this year. As a character study it is beyond all praise."
Boston Woman's Journal. " This story is lively, sardonic, witty, and superficial.
It will delight a certain class of readers because it is reckless, and another class because
it is blasphemous."
Philadelphia Item. "Altogether a capital piece of work."
312 LARGE PAGES.
Pfice: In cloth, $1.00; in paper, 50 cents.
Sent postpaid, on receipt of price, by the Publisher,
BENJ. R. TUCKER, Box 3366,
BOSTON, MASS.
"Better than /," wrote Victor Hugo to Felix Pyat, "you have proved
the royalty of genius and the divinity of love."
A RIVAL OF "LES MISERABLES."
TflE RflG-PlCKER OF PflRIS
BY FELIX PYAT.
TRANSLATED FROM THE FRENCH BY
BENJ. R. TUCKER.
This masterpiece of fiction was originally written as a play, and as
such achieved the greatest success known to the French s*tage. Re-
cently, and just before his death, the author elaborated his play into a
novel, in which form it presents a complete panorama of the Paris of the
present century.
What Great Critics think of it.
Heinrich Heine, "The passion of Shakspere and the reason of Moliere."
A lexandre Dumas (to the author). "You have killed Frederic Lemaitre for us.
After his Father Jean in 'The Rag-picker of Paris,' he can create no other role."
Victoria, Queen of England (to the Actor Lemaitre, after seeing him play in the
piece). " Is there, then, such misery in the Faubourg St. Antoine?"
Frederic Lemaitre (in reply). " It is the Ireland of Paris."
Theophile Gautier. "The work of a Titan."
Sainie-Bfuve. "The paragon of the democratic-republican school."
Victor Hugo. " A fortunate drama, come late enough to represent the whole
people."
325 LARGE PAGES.
Price: In cloth, $1.00; in paper, 50 cents.
The cloth edition contains as a frontispiece a fine portrait of the author.
Sent, postpaid, on receipt of price, by the Publisher,
BENJ. R. TUCKER, - - Box 3366,
BOSTON, MASS.
SIXTY-SECOND THOUSAND.
TIjE Kieutzer Sonata.
BY COUNT LEO TOLSTOI.
PRESS NOTICES.
The Critic, New York. " One hardly dares speak of the ' Kreutzer Sonata.' It is
like a moral earthquake, shattering the very foundations on which society is built, and
causing the ground to crumble beneath our feet. So daring a treatment of a daring
theme has never before been attempted in literature. Nothing has ever been given to
the world quite like this tremendous object-lesson projected on the canvas in colossal
proportions, with every shadow deepened, every line magnified and brought into appall-
ing relief."
Kate Field' 1 s Washington. "Why is ' The Kreutzer Sonata ' prohibited ? I am at
a loss to imagine, unless it be that Tolstoi has told the truth very brutally about a
very brutal condition of things. If it be a crime to tell the truth, of course Tolstoi
should be suppressed. But is it?"
Buffalo Courier. " That singular code of morals which too many men hold, that
they may indulge in shameful license, and still call themselves by the ' grand old name
of gentleman,' while their sisters and sweethearts must be utterly pure in their lives and
conduct, receives a stunning rebuke in this work."
Boston Transcript. " It is probably one of the most moral books ever written. . . .
As children sit spellbound, frozen to the spot, though desiring to fly, through the reading
of the ' Ancient Mariner,' so this generation of ours, which has strong moral impulses,
but feels, nevertheless, a weight as of death about its neck, must listen to this grim story
of the great Russian novelist and prose poet, whether it likes it or not."
St. Louis Republic. "The peculiarity and audacity of Tolstoi' is that he has taken
this subject out of its usual dress of secret or semi-medical advice ' for private circula-
tion only,' and clothed it in the garb of fiction, intended for universal reading."
e edition published by BENJ. R. TUCKER is the only complete
and correct edition published in America.
Price : In cloth, $1.00 ; in paper, 50 cents.
Sent, postpaid, on receipt of price, by the Publisher,
BENJ. R. TUCKER, Box 3366,
BOSTON, MASS.
What's To Be Done?
A NIHILISTIC ROMANCE.
By N. G. TCHERNYCHEWSKY.
WITH A PORTRAIT OF THE AUTHOR.
WRITTEN IN PRISON.
SUPPRESSED BY THE CZAR.
THE AUTHOR OVER TWENTY YEARS AN EXILE IN SIBERIA.
PRESS COMMENTS.
Boston A dvertisc-r. "To call the book the 'Uncle Tom's Cabin ' of Nihilism is
scarcely extravagance."
Boston Courier '' It is perhaps the book which has most powerfully influenced
the youth of Russia in thair growth into Nihilism "
Providence Star. "As a revelation of folk life it is invaluable: we have no other
Russian pictures that compare with it."
329 LARGE PAGES.
Price: In cloth, $1.00; in paper, 35 cents.
Sent, postpaid, on receipt of price, by the Publisher,
BENJ. R. TUCKER, - Box 3366,
BOSTON, MASS.