ro 
 
 %> 
 CO 
 
 o 
 
NO PLAYS EXCHANGED. 
 
 BAKER'S COITION 
 or 
 
 
 Second Floor, Spoopendyke 
 
 WALTER ItTBTWnR &CQ. 
 
 BO.3TOIS 
 
 3B -^-^KT^ 
 
 COPYRIGHT, 1889, BY WALTER H. BAKER & CO, 
 
NEW OPERETTAS FOR CHILDREN. 
 
 EDITH'S DREAM;.! 
 
 ^n pcrctta for Cijtltjtm 
 
 Words by MARGARET FEZANDIE and EDGAR MORETTE. i 
 Music by EUGENE FEZANDIE, Jr. i 
 
 Eleven characters, girls and boys, or all girls, as preferred ; ten or more addi- 
 tional lor chorus. Scenery unnecessary; costumes, pretty and fanciful, but 
 easily arranged at home.- This admirable little piece is printed complete with 
 music. It is very tuneful and gracefully imagined, and is strongly recommended 
 for private theatricals or for schools. It is particularly well suited for the latter 
 use, as it deals whimsically with the question of youthful study, inculcating, 
 however, an excellent mpral* . 
 
 Price 
 
 35 cents. 
 
 ODD OPERASSEVENTIDR I 
 
 A Collection of Short and Simple Musical 
 Entertainments for Children. 
 
 By MRS. G. N. BORDMAN. 
 
 This collection provides a simple operetta, a fairy opera; a picturesque motion 
 song, a quaint musical pantomime, a 'pretty .musical sketch, -and two original 
 humorous recitations for children,, complete, with all.the music, and full instruc- 
 tions for performance. The music is tuneful and simple, and is specially written 
 with the tastes and limitations of children in view. The solos are easily learned 
 and sung, and all the choruses are written for voices in unison; The collection 
 is strongly recommended for its simplicity and perfect practicability. ^Neither, 
 stage nor scenery is demanded, nor any other requirements that cannot be met 
 without trouble by the equipment of the ordinary hall or church vestry, and the 
 zeal of the most economical committee of arrangements. 
 
 Price . . . . . 5O cents. 
 
 CONTENTS. 
 
 A Glimpse of the Brownies. A 
 
 Musical Sketch for Children. ..Any 
 number of boys. 
 
 Market Day. An Operetta for Young 
 IVnple. Seven speaking parts and 
 chorus. 
 
 Queen Flora's Bay Dream. An 
 
 ~ Operetta for Children. Six speak- 
 ing parts and chorus. 
 
 The Boating: Party. A Musical 
 
 Sketch for Little Children. Thirty 
 
 boys and girls. 
 Six Little Grandmas. A Musical 
 
 Pantomime for very Little Children. 
 
 Six very little girls. 
 Jimmy Crow. A Recitation for a 
 
 Little Girl. 
 
 A Hoi>se In the Moon. A Recita- 
 tion for a Child. 
 
SECOND FLOOR, SPOOPENDYKE 
 
 JFarce in 
 
 BY 
 
 GRACE LIVINGSTON [FURNISS 
 
 AUTHOR OF "A BOX OF MONKEYS," "THE CORNER-LOT CHORUS," ETC 
 
 BOSTON 
 
CHARACTERS. 
 
 ARTIE BRUCE, Tessie's fiancee, who may lose his train, but never his nerve. 
 
 BIGLER JIMPSON, who forgets to bring his nerve, but is a good fellow just the 
 same. 
 
 COL. THOMAS OUINCY GINTY, -who" shoots first, explains afterwards." 
 
 TYRONE HERBERT, leading man at the "Melpomene" and delight ofthe"Mati- 
 nee Girt." 
 
 JENKS, janitor of " The Spoopendyke." 
 
 TESSIE GINTY, -very much engaged to Artie, and deathly afraid of "Papa" 
 
 DODO MCLAREN, leading lady at the "Melpomene" Has a short memory, but 
 is a warm friend. 
 
 SARAH, her maid, equally struck -with the stage, Tyrone Herbert, and herself. 
 
 Costumes modern and appropriate. 
 
 COPYRIGHT, 1892, BY WALTER H. BAKER & Co. 
 
 All Rights Reserved. 
 
 F. 5u 
 
to 
 
 ' 
 SECOND FLOOR, SPOOPENDYKE 
 
 ACT I. 
 SCENE. Dining-room of Miss DODO MCLAREN'S, apartment 
 
 in " The Sp^pendyke^ Murray Hill. Fireplace J 2<r/ E. Zz- 
 brary door & 4^/2 E. Parlor door C. E. Closet door*^^$th E. 
 V/dtf-a/lfc 2^/E. ..50/tf L. front. Tables, centre, spread for 
 f/i.-- dwhirs m cb$i-.. of table. Buffet with decanters, etc., R. 
 c. entrance. Chair L. #/ c. entrance. Bric-a-brac, flowers, 
 etc. Fire burning on hearth. 
 
 (As curtain rises, SARAH enters c., carrying small trayfwhich 
 she places on table.) 
 
 SARAH. I just wish Miss McLaren would be on time for once. 
 But that's the worst of living with a real actress : just you be crazy 
 to get out, and that's the day they takes to rehearse. (Goes to win- 
 dow.) Drat her! (Crosses to mantel.) It seems like I couldn't 
 wait to see Tyrone's face when he finds out I am the " Francie,' 1 
 who is to meet him at the stage door to-day. (Taking up pictures.) 
 Tyrone Herbert! What a lovely name! And what oh, what a 
 elegant actor ! Here he is as Romeo ; and Claude Duval ; and 
 Mavvprat, and here he is in his dear dress suit." (Laving down pic- 
 tures ; clutches her heart.) Something here tells me he returns my 
 love. He ain't the first that's come to see the mistress and fell in 
 love with the maid. Last night, when he fetched Miss McLaren 
 home, I says, "Ain't you cold, Mr. Herbert ? ;1 And he says just 
 as tender ' I'm never cold, Sarah ;'" and give me, oh, such a look ! 
 And to-day he'll find I'm "Francie." I'm going to call myself 
 Francie Montmorency, when I'm af actress. And all the signs is 
 good, too 
 
 (DoDO enters c. ; stands laughing.") 
 
 SARAH. Last night I dreamed of riding a coal-black horse 
 that's victory. And the night before I dreamed I was riding a 
 whale 
 
 DODO (coming down). I hope that means lunch is ready, Sarah. 
 
 SARAH. Law! How you did startle me, ma'am. Yes, Miss 
 McLaren, lunch is ready. (Takes up tray.) 
 
 DODO (at fireplace). Any calls, Sarah ? 
 
 SARAH. No, ma'am, not exactly calls 
 
 DODO. Bills ? 
 
 SARAH. No : worse yet. A reporter. 
 
 3 
 
 M359537 
 
/< t fo **v U, 
 
 /ECOMD FIOR, SPOOPENDJV/CE. 
 
 'TtrftJUf **V o^flxyfLxA. 
 
 DODO. Yuu did not let the wretch in ? 
 
 SARAH. Let him in ! Law, ma'am, he pushed by me, and be- 
 fore I could get my breath he'd made a sketch of the flat. And, 
 says he, u Tell Miss McLaren I'll call this afternoon for a interview." 
 
 DODO. Impertinent ! However, I will not be interviewed by 
 any reporter : male or female, daily or weekly. The public has no 
 concern with my private life. 
 
 SARAH. Of course they ain't. 
 
 DODO. And if you admit one of these wretches, you lose your 
 place. (Sits R. of table ; opens letter} 
 
 SARAH. But how can I tell them from ladies and gentlemen, 
 ma'am ? w . I 
 
 DODO^ By their boots. Bring in lunch. (Bell rtngs.} I can- 
 not see any one. I must rest before the matin^e^ ^^"- . _ 
 
 SARAH, Very well, ma'am. (Exit c.)y 
 
 DODO (glancing over letter). What ^itf abolninable "scrawl ! 
 Why don't some one teach girls to write ? 
 
 (SARAH re-enters c., giggling} 
 
 DODO. Well ? 
 
 SARAH. It's Mr. Tyrone Herbert, ma'am. 
 
 DODO. Show him in here, an^set another place. 
 
 SARAH. Yes, ma'am. (E.xit^iggling}On'^\ l \< 
 
 DODO (dropping letter on table). I really cannot make out any- 
 thing, except that I have a loving friend na,mfed Tessie Ginty, who 
 is coming here. <r**>-*. - '^-^w 
 
 (TYRONE enters c., followed by SARAH.) 
 
 TYRONE. Sorry to interruption, Dodo, but I am that is er 
 - (Looks expressively at SARAH.) 
 
 DODO. Sarah, leave the room, and serve lunch at once. 
 SARAH. Yes, ma^'am.^ (Puts J\a^icL on heart; winks at TY- 
 
 RONE ; exit C.) r , 
 
 TYRONE. I safyl, Dodo, isn'r that girl a little oit wrong here? 
 ( Taps forehead.} 
 
 DODO. What makes you thirtk so ? 
 
 TYRONE. Because she is continually rolling her eyes and wink- 
 ing at me. 
 
 . (SARAH appears with lunch.} 
 
 DODO. I will watch. (Eyes SARAH earnestly as she places 
 lunch on table, while TYRONE stands watching down L. front, 
 with glass in eye.} 
 
 SARAH (aside). Whatever are they staring at ? (Goes up stage; 
 turns at door ; winks at TYRONE ; exit.}Q*. *4?1r jf. 
 
 DODO. ' She must be crazy! (Rises.} ' * 
 
 TYRONE. No matter. (Crosses to table} I am in a fearful fix, 
 and you must help me. I I 
 
 DODO. Go on, Tyrone. 
 
-O* ?***> 
 
 4 %^>^*>- , - 
 
 cr 
 
 A 
 
 ' SECOND FLOOR, SPOOPENDYKE. 5 ^ 
 
 TYRONE. O Dodo!' won't it be no end jolly when you and I 
 are married, and every one knows we are married, and the matinee 
 girl ceases from troubling ? 
 
 DODO. Oh, it is girls again ! Poor Tyrone ! Come, tell me all 
 about it over our lunch .^ (Sifs.) 
 
 TYRONE. I can't eaj^ Too nervous. Read that. (Hands her 
 letter.) The doorkeeper handed me that when I left you at the 
 theatre. (Puts hands in pockets ; walks about.} 
 
 DODO (smelling note). Pachoulli. Bah! a schoolgirl. Do sit 
 down. Don't prowl, Tyrone. /H^j Q tUjfa, f~ *6t* <t4 AK/MA 
 
 TYRONE. Must. asLLjais. ysd3aadlaa-, Dodo ? ^) 
 
 DODO. Certainly. (Reading.) 
 
 TYRONE. Glad you like it. 
 
 r'ftw nTiftiTfi 7 ' returns to table s . 
 
 DODO (reading). "DEAR MRT TYRONE HERBERT, I've ad- 
 mired your acting so often at the theatre that I must tell you how 
 I worship your genius. I think you are heavenly in all your 
 
 parts " She lays it on with a trowel. 
 
 TYRONE. Isn't it awful ? aMa^l smokDodo ? 
 
 ^ 
 okj^ 
 
 DODO. Of course. (Reads.) " I arrrsure you have a noble, 
 manly heart " 
 
 TYRONE. Fancy ! (Lights cigarette.} 
 
 DODO (reading). " And will help me to get on the stage, for I 
 want to be an actress. So I've run away from home and will meet 
 you at the stage-door after the matinee to-day. Do not fail me, as 
 you are the only friend I have in New York. 
 
 " Devotedly yours, FRANCIE." 
 
 Francie who ? 
 
 TYRONE. Haven't the faintest idea who the poor little beggar is. 
 
 DODO. She must be very young. 
 
 TYRONE. I imagine so ; and she has left her home. What am 
 I to do ? (Rises.) 
 
 DODO. Tell her to go back. 
 
 TYRONE. And have her make a scene in the street ! (Goes 
 behind DODO.) I say, Dodo, you take the romantic little idiot in 
 hand. 
 
 DODO. I ? 
 
 TYRONE (leaning over her chair). Yes, darling! Let me send 
 her 'ere, and you tell her what a fool she is. Women put these 
 tilings so much better than men. 
 
 DODO. They are more convincing from men. 
 
 TYRONE (kissing he?'). Dodo, do not desert your wretched 
 Jiance. 
 
 DODO. We'll compromise. You send Francie here, and tell 
 her the truth yourself. She would think I was jealous. 
 
 TYRONE. That's a dear girl. Anything but a scene at the 
 theatre. I'll leave a note with the doorkeeper, directing her to 
 come here ; and when I see her I shall be^just about as candid as, 
 a man can be. 
 
DODO. Poor Francie! 
 
 TYRONE. She deserves a lesson. Thank you ever so much, 
 Dodo. I'll see you at the theatre. 
 
 DODO. But you haven't eaten any lunch. 
 
 TYRONE. I can't eat until I've settled this absurd business. 
 Good-by ' (Kisses her ; exit c.) *&f f\i 
 
 DODO. How flattered Francie woular>e if she could see his 
 agony. (Props letter on glass in front of her.) Now, for my 
 schoolgirl. (Eats as she reads.) "Do you remember the old 
 blue cow ? " Blue cow ! Nonsense ! (Glances over note ; rises ; 
 drops it on table.) I've no time to waste over such a scrawl. A 
 dear old friend of mine is coming here sometime to tell me some- 
 thing, and wants me to remember lots of things which I don't. 
 
 (SARAH enters c.) 
 
 SARAH. Quarter to one, and the cab is come, ma'am. 
 
 DODO. I am ready. (Goes to door.) When my new wig comes, 
 Sarah, brush it out cajtfujly ; and have dinner readv by half-past 
 five. (Exit c XrjftK^ A**A fe ^ t^+rtt L3. *Jit++A. 
 
 SARAH. Yes,fna'am ! Oh, certainly, ma'am! and why not, 
 ma'am? (Bows mockingly.) Because by half-past five Tyrone 
 will know I am Francie, and I won't be here to cook no dinner. I 
 do wonder what he'll say first? (Takes cards front pocket ; sits on 
 sofa ; shuffles tliem ; shuts eyes.) I wish Mr. Tyrone Herbert will 
 ask me to marry him this afternoon. I do, do! (Opens eyes, 
 picks out seven cards, lays tJietn on lap.) I get my wish sur- 
 rounded by^ n S%tfS"f? (Bell rings) Drat that bell ! (Jumps up, 
 runs out f^ re-etifers^'carrying 7 ^U-^fe^ Miss McLaren's wig. 
 (Opens box; takes out &^w^/?Jy^Ain't that lovely ! (Bel^ 
 rings.) Drat that bell ! (Runs ^ouffieaving wig on table.) fU^ 
 
 TESSIE (outside). I tell you I must see Miss McLaren. /* v 40 
 
 SARAH (outside). You can't ! 
 (Both enter C.; TESSIE carries two bags, jnarfs hat and top coat.) 
 
 TESSIE. You are excessively impertinent. 
 
 SARAH. You can't work the high and mighty game on me 
 Miss McLaren ain't going to be bothered with any more of youi 
 sort. 
 
 TESSIE (coming down). My sort ! 
 
 SARAH. Yes; reporters and such. 
 
 TESSIE. I am not a reporter. The idea ! 
 
 SARAH. It's no use lying. 
 
 TESSIE. How dare you be so insolent ! (Sits on sofa.) 
 
 SARAH. You can't sit there. 
 
 (DODO enters c.) 
 
 TESSIE. I shall wait to see Miss McLaren. 
 DODO. Sarah, what is all this ? (Cotnes down.) 
 SARAH. A reporter^ ma'am. 
 DODO. Oh ! well, I will not be interviewed. 
 
SECOND FLOOR, SPOOPENDYKE. / 
 
 TESSIE (rising). I don't want to interview you. Didn't you 
 get my note ? O Dodo, don't you remember me ? 
 
 DODO. Perfectly, perfectly ! (Einbraces^her ^ aside.) Who is 
 she ? (; 
 
 SARAH. She's kissing a reporter. 
 
 TESSIE. You're not changed a bit/only pret 
 
 DODO. So are you (aside) Who is she ? 
 
 TESSIE. I was so afraid you wouldn't get my note, darling. 
 
 DODO. Note ! Oh, where did I put it ? (Hunts on table) 
 
 TESSIE. Never mind the stupid thing. Let me tell you all about 
 It. 
 
 DODO. Oh, yes, you must. (Finds letter j reads signature} 
 My dear Tessie, I am wild to hear all about er it. Come ! (Sits 
 on sofa.) 
 
 TESSIE (sitting by her). It's so romantic! 
 
 DODO. I adore romances. 
 
 (SARAH enters^ hands DODO parcel.) 
 
 SARAH. From Huyler's ; and it's one o'clock, ma'am. 
 
 DODO (opening box). No matter. 
 
 SARAH. You'll be late for the matine"e. 
 
 DODO. Leave the room. 
 
 SARAH. Yes, ma'am. (Aside.) She'll never go ! (ExitQ, 
 
 DODO (offering TESSIE candy). Now, darling, be brief, for I 
 due at the matinee. "33o^o lnp<cA-4 ^^ < ^'^ -UA ^t[S 
 
 TESSIE. * I will. (Eats as she talks.) You remember Artie 
 Bruce, at school in Louisville, don't you ? 
 
 (Both girls eat candy steadily diiring scene.) 
 
 DODO. ^Perfectly ; he was a blond, pale boy. 
 
 TESSIE. No, no ! He had red hair, brown eyes, and a box of 
 worms in his pocket. 
 
 DODO. So he did. And we you and I went to school to- 
 gether, didn't we? 
 
 TESSIE. Dodo, you dorft remember me. 
 
 DODO. Yes, I do. You are (consults letter) Tessie Ginty 
 from Louisville. Go on, darling. 
 
 TESSIE. Well, when papa and I came to Boston this winter, I 
 joined a Browning Club such fun ! and the first person I met there 
 was Artie Bruce, grown up, with auburn hair and mustache, and 
 such melting eyes ! Um! (Cl&ses eyes ; takcs-~large bite of 'candy.) 
 
 DODO. I see. And you loved eacli other ? 
 
 TESSIE. Madly at first sight and to-day we eloped on the 
 seven A.M. from Boston. Um! (Same business.) 
 
 'DoDO. Eloped ! Does your cruel father object ? 
 
 TESSIE. I don't know. He has never seen Artie. But he 
 thinks 1 am too young to marry, and we couldn't wait, you know. 
 
 DODO. And where is Artie ? 
 
 TESSIE (tragically ; rising). That is the horrible, awful part. 
 
8 SECOND FLOOR, SPOOPENDYKE. 
 
 He got off at Hartford to buy some sandwiches and and got left. 
 Isn't it fearful ? So so absurd ! 
 
 DODO. Oli, no : not absurd. 
 
 TESSIE. Yes, Absurd. And I've got his bag, and his topcoat, 
 and his hat. 
 
 DODO. Well, that is something. 
 
 TESSIE. And he and papa will probably come on the same train, 
 for I left a note telling papa we were coming straight to you : we 
 got your address from the Mirror. 
 
 DODO. But they don't know each other. 
 
 TESSIE. They will when they meet here. O Dodo, can't you 
 hide me, or disguise me, or something ? 
 
 DODO. All you have to do is to stay quietly in my bedroom if 
 your papa arrives, and, Sarah wfll deny you are here. Is he very 
 violent ? CjCt/LC-Ay 
 
 TESSIE. He shoots first and explains afterwards. 
 
 DODO. Dear me-J Then Sarah must not let him in. (Rings 
 bell; SARAH enters*^ Sarah, if a er gentleman ffiufe * "~*\ 
 
 TESSIE. An excited gentleman, with" a red face. 
 
 DODO. Exactly: an excited gentleman comes and asks for (con- 
 sults note) Miss Tessie Ginty, you must not admit she is here. 
 * Better yet, do not let him in. 
 
 SARAH. Law, ma'am! you want a policeman instead of a wait- 
 ress ; there's so many sort of folks to be kept out. 
 
 DODO (severely}. Sarah, leave the roqm. . * -r\ 
 
 SARAH. Oh, certinly, ma'am. (Exit c.frilL. , f)t^J t* lf 
 
 DODO (going to L. door}. Now, darling, my room is tne fourth 
 down the hall. Lock yourself in until I return from the matinee, 
 and do not worry. Good-by ! darling Bessie 
 
 TESSIE. Tessie! *^ Q 
 
 DODO. Of course, Tessie. By-by ! (Exit Z-vtfa /S. 
 
 TESSIE. It's odd she cannot remember my name/rmt she is aw- 
 fully sweet and kind. (Walks about, examining room?) So this 
 is the style in which an actress lives. Very pretty. (Crosses to 
 table.} She has had lunch. (Picks up glass ; smells it} Gra- 
 cious ! She has^Ho&ftnilsrjust like ^apiv (Picks up cigarette} 
 And she smokes. (Sits by table; puts cigarette in mouth ; waves 
 glass.} 1 fancy this is the style. Hulloa, old chappie, how goes 
 . it ? 
 <*} t /-i? /- (SARAH enterinc^ stands amazed,}. 
 
 ^rt^^Tv^ 
 
 SARAH (aside}. Well, she is Ityely, {Coughs} 
 TESSIE (jumping up}. Gracious! Oh! er Sarah, please 
 carry this bag (Jianding her bag} to Miss McLaren's room. 
 
 SARAH. Yes, ma'am. (Exit L. with bag.} r<^L < t^t ^0*0 f **** - 
 
 TESSIE. How that girl's eyes stuck out! I wonder irshe don't 
 
 know how larky Dodo is ? (.''icks up wig. } iH o WjftU-te (Goes to 
 
 mirror ; holds'it up} 1 wish I w e re blund . ?* r O^ an"' d e a ! 1 will 
 
 be fejond. I'll borrow this and one of Podo^ gowns, and if papa 
 
 o 
 
SECOND FLOOR, SPOOPENDYKE. 9 
 
 does come I defy him to recognize me. He is so awfully near sighted. 
 Oh, clear! I wisfi Artie would come. ({Takes up topcoat and hat.) 
 As Dodo says, it is something to have these, but they are a hollow 
 consolation. Hollow (SARAH enters..^.} Oh, bother that girl! 
 Remember, Sarah, jf an excited gent-ten an asks for me, I am not 
 here. (Exit L.) (TWs Ox*U^ <ft***^ *s-j( ^-4 .) 
 
 SARAH (coming ao wn}. Yes, ma'am, and if ten excited^eli tie- 
 men 'corftes I ain't going to face 'em for you. Tyrone is all the gen- 
 tleman I cares to see (Bell rings.} Pj^ tnat bell! Well, Til 
 answer it for the last time. (Exit c -)P"yrl f\ . 
 
 ARTIE (outside}. I tell ycru she is re$, and I must see her. 
 
 SARAH (backing in before ARTIE, ivJio wears silk travelling- 
 cap, and is gasping). Where's who ? 
 
 ARTIE. My wife at least, my fiancee. 
 
 SARAH. She ain't here. 
 
 ARTIE. Isn't this the apartment of Miss McLaren ? (Comes 
 down stage.} 
 
 SARAH. Yes. bur* (Retj-.eats before him.} 
 
 ARTIE. Then, where is my wife that is to be ? Do ypu deny 
 that Miss Tessie Ginty is here ~" 
 
 SARAH (aside). It's the excited gentleman ! (Gets behind table.} 
 
 ARTIE. Where is she ? 
 
 SARAH. None of your business. 
 
 ARTIE. None of my (sees bag on sofa} the very thing ! Who 
 brought that bag here ? 
 
 SARAH. No one. It it goes with the flat. 
 
 ARTIE. Nonsense ! 
 
 SARAH-* I mean it's a "prop" theatrical property. 
 
 ARTIE. " Prop ! " Stuff ! That bag is mine, mine ! 
 
 SARAH. It ain't ! Law, what a man ! 
 
 ARTIE (aside, taking up bag}. I must be calm ; the girl thinks 
 I am off my head. (Goes to table; sets down bag} What is your 
 name, my good girl ? 
 
 SARAH. Sarah, sir. 
 
 ARTIE. There's a dollar for you. (Gives her money} 
 
 SARAH. Thank you, sir. 
 
 ARTIE. Now, Sarah, you think I am drunk, or crazy. 
 
 SARAH. Well, you ce'rtinly seems excited like. 
 
 ARTIE. I am at least, I was; but that's all over, and I will 
 now prove to you that I own this bag. I packed it this morning, 
 and blindfolded I will name each article as I take it out. 
 over eyes.) 
 
 I just wish I could get by him to the door. 
 
 ARTIE (handing her pair of curling-irons}. A Smith .and Wes- 
 son revolver. Right ? 
 
 SARAH (placing them on mantel}. Yes, sir! (Taps forehead.} 
 Crazy as a loon. 
 
 ARTIE (giving her 
 
 i/1 ^cilL- l-Ltn/'Pc I?;.,l!t ? 
 
IO SECOND FLOOR, SPOOPENDYKE. 
 
 SARAH. Certinly. (Aside.') Oh, law! {Puts them on man- 
 tel.-) 
 
 - 
 
 i K. 
 
 ARTIE (passing her/pair f*cd sftk-st&ckiugs)* Silk trndorvoct. 
 SARAH. Yes, sir! (^7^:) ^H 1 'J^ W ' J^Same business.) 
 ARTIE (giving her ^^Jr*ffr x *^'iT fflb^^ttflOy^f H^ Right? 
 SARAH. Yes, sir ! //jC^^f^-L j^l^J^^f x *- - ? ' (Same business.) 
 ARTIE (holding up^S\v fyfp&JBf(Wftff) What iheDickens ! 
 SARAH. I'm going for help ! (Runs out c.^rflL ^7\^**^"\ f^ ""** * 
 ARTIE (tearing off bandage). For heaven's sake ! err>cmi \ 
 .woman's bag. (Runs to manfel^^^Qve. ! that girl must think 
 a lunatic. ^nwt\?kff^&jfc/ffi$fifflr What ! TbcVru ni * 
 
 T. G. I see it all. This is Tessie's bag. I knew that <jiri 
 lying. (Runs to library door.) Tessie! Tessie! your Art.; 
 here ! (Shakes handle.) 
 
 ^. 
 
 (SARAH enters c. with JANITOR.) 
 
 SARAH. There he is, Mr. Jenks. 
 
 JENKS (advancing). Now, then, sir ! 
 
 ARTIE. Stand aside. Who are you? 
 
 JENKS. I'm the janitor of " The Spoopendyke." (Takes ARTIE 
 by arm.) 
 
 ARTIE (furiously}. I'll report you, sir! 
 
 SARAH. Report! Oh, Mr. Jenks, he's one of them outdagious 
 reporters bundle him out. 
 
 ARTIE. I am not a reporter. I am a gentleman. 
 
 SARAH. Oh, I guess so ! 
 
 JENKS (squaring up to him). We don't want no reporters 
 ere. 
 
 ARTIE (savagely). I am not a reporter, you beggar ! (Springs 
 at JENKS, pushes him to floor; pretends to kick him; pulls him 
 z*P to his feet ; hits him in the ribs.) There ! will that do? 
 
 JENKS (gasping). Where'd you learn that act ? (Rttbs 
 side.) Sfr^tjK 
 
 ARTIE. Playing football. (Waves st&ekiMgsC) This proves 
 my wife is here, and I'm coming back to get her. 
 
 SARAH. I'll call the police, if you don't go. JlV 
 
 ARTIE. Call them when I return. (Exit c.yTff-j\>. ' 
 
 JENKS. I'll just see him off the premises. (Riws side.) Great 
 Scott! what a fist he's got. (Exit^L- *lfX 7^ 
 
 SARAH. I hope I haven't made a mismRe. But gracious! I don't 
 .care whether he's a reporter or the excited gentleman. I'm going 
 to see Tyrone^and tell J^m ^ am/^Francie," t G*^.tf- < 
 
 f^t'vrittk'b^.fefttA ^ 
 
 L. door opens; TESSIE peeps*&.) ^\ 
 
 TESSIE. Sarah ! Not a soul here ! (Comes out. She wears a 
 tea-gown and DODO'S tuig.) I thought I heard excited voices, and 
 was sure papa had come. ' (Goes to mirror.) I don't really believe 
 he would know me. (Sees things on mantel.) How queer ! Who 
 has unpacked my bag and thrown everything around ? Oh ! I see 
 
SECOND FLOOR, SPOOPENDYKE. II 
 
 it all ? Papa has come, found my bag, and that faithful Sarah has 
 gotten him out. I wonder how she did it ? {Puts things in bag.) 
 That was what I heard. Poor papa, how wild he must have been ! 
 (Goes to dwr, L.) I'll put these away, and then find Sarah. 
 
 . . , 
 
 (BiGLER JI.MPSON appears in c. door, carrying box ; he raps on 
 door with cane ; comes down.) 
 
 BIGLER. The girl I met on the stairs said I could walk in if I 
 liked. She was sure she didn't care, so I walked in. And seeing 
 this lying in the hall, brought it up with me. I wonder how she 
 will like my offering. Flowers, of course, are always acceptable, 
 but I am afraid she'll kick at the bangle. (Puts box on sofa; 
 walks about.) Bigler, my boy, you Ye certainly going it ! Two 
 days in town, and calling on the leading lady of the Melpomene. 
 I hope she hasn't forgotten her old schoolfellow. I wonder if she 
 will call me Bigler, or Mr. Jimpson? I mean to call her Dodo. 
 (Goes to table.) Ah, lunch. 
 
 (TESSIE enters L., stands.) 
 
 BIGLER. Cocktails and cigarettes. Well, I fancy Dodo is a 
 gay girl now. {Turns ; sees TESSIE.) Ah, my dear Dodo, don't 
 you recollect your old playmate, Bigler Jimpson ? 
 
 TESSIE (coming down). Are you Bigler Jimpson ? //, 
 
 BIGLER. The same old Bigler. 
 
 TESSIE. And you wish to see Miss McLaren ? 
 
 BIGLER. Certainly, I want to see you. I dropped in at the 
 theatre last night, saw you, and decided to call this morning. 
 
 TESSIE (aside). He thinks I am Dodo. {Aloud.) Be seated, 
 Mr. Jimpson. (Sits by table.) 
 
 BIGLER {sitting on sofa). You used to call me Bigler, in the 
 jolly old days. 
 
 TESSIE. Well, I will now, Bigler. 
 
 BIGLER. Jove! By the by, I met Col. Gin ty this morning 
 you remember Tessie Ginty at school ? 
 
 TESSIE. Yes ; she went to Boston to live. But er oh, 
 where did you meet Col. Ginty, and what did he say ? 
 
 BIGLER. I met him on the street. He don't know me, you 
 know. But, I say, Dodo, you're out of sight as an actress. 
 
 TESSIE. I'm awfully obliged. And should you have known me 
 on the stage ? 
 
 BIGLER. Better than I should off; you look so different to-day. 
 
 TESSIE. You must allow for make-up. Have a cigarette. 
 (Hands him box.) These are my own specials. 
 
 BIGLER. Do you smoke ? ( Takes cigarette.) 
 
 TESSIE. Of course. 
 
 BIGLER {lighting cigarette). Won't you join me ? 
 
 TESSIE. Oh, no! I couldn't.* I never smoke more than than 
 three paefec a day and I've had those already. 
 
12 SECOND FLOOR, SPOOPENDYKE. 
 
 BIGLER. Three pack**** [)$'. 
 
 TESSIE. Yes ; they're so soothing after a performance. 
 
 BIGLER. So I should fancy. (Aside.} Good Gad L 
 
 BESSIE. I tell you what I will do. I'll mix you a' a nice 
 littleSdrink. (Rises; goes to buffet.} 
 
 BIGGER. Can you mix drinks? 
 
 TESEIE. Did you ever know an actress who couldn't ? (Mixes 
 cocktail as she talks.} 
 
 BIGLER. Of course not. (Aside.} Nor one who could. 
 
 TESBIE (mixing}. I think you'll find this er well, about 
 your size, don't you know. 
 
 BIGLER. Oh, anything you compound must be divine. ( Migjit I 
 ask what you are making? //*<V&U^K. 2W/V-* 
 
 TESSIE. A little er what's its name ? Oh, **-knoclT me ikruu. 
 (Pours in Worcestershire sauce.} 
 
 BidLER. BenV you moan . " pick me up->" (Aside.} She's 
 putting Worcestershire sauce in it ! 
 
 THSSIE. crlmpo I do. (Aside.} I thought that was bitters. 
 No rhatter. (Mixes.} 
 
 BBGLER (aside). Jove! there goes brandy and Cayenne pepper. 
 
 TESSIE (coming down; hands him glass}. There ! try that, 
 Biglfer. 
 
 IMGLER (eying it dubiously}. Do you do you like this your- 
 self]? 
 
 TESSIE. I think it's out of sight. 
 
 BIGLER (aside}. I wish it were. (Aloud.} Here's to your 
 health, Dodo! (Takes swallow.} Ugh! ah! (Runs to window ; 
 pqts his head out} 
 |TESSIE. Oh ! Was it too strong ? 
 
 BIGLER (coming in). Delightful! l-Ga-me to the window to 
 to get-tkis. (Takes box from sofa.} I ordered these sent here 
 this morning, and seeing the box lying in the hall, brought it along. 
 (Hands TESSIE box.) I shall be in the right-hand stage-box 
 to-night, and if you will wear these I'll be the happiest fellow out. 
 
 TESSIE. You're awfully kind. (Unties string.) 
 
 BIGLER. Don't open it until I am gone. There's something 
 else with them which I hope you will accept from an old playmate. 
 I suppose you don't usually accept presents 
 
 TESSIE. Oh, I take everything I can get. 
 
 BIGLER. Oh, then that's all right. I noticed your costume last 
 night, and I think you'll find they mitch exactly. 
 
 TESSIE. Do let me peep. 
 
 BIGLER. No, no ! I want to take you for a drive. Just step to 
 the window and see the little nag I have. (Goes to window.) 
 
 TESSIE (following). What a darling! 
 
 BIGLER. Will you go ? , 
 
 TESSIE. I hardly think. (Jumps back.) Gracious ! There's 
 papa. 
 
BIGLER. Where ? 
 
 TESSIE. The gentleman with the red face. See ! a policeman 
 is dragging him from under a cab. He's looking up ! He's coming 
 here ! 
 
 BIGLER. Why, that's Col. Ginty. 
 
 TESSIE. Of course. 
 
 BIGLER. I thought you saklyaur father. 
 
 TESSIE. I can't explain now. (Drags him down front.} Just 
 understand that if he finds me murder will be done. You are 
 brave, aren't you? 
 
 BIGLER. Yes. 
 
 TESSIE. Then there's one chance of escape. The instant he 
 comes in you must get his eyeglasses away. He is horribly near- 
 sighted and can't see without them. Then I will appear, and deny 
 that I am me. (Bell rings.) There he is ! 
 
 BIGLER. But I don't understand 
 
 TESSIE. Do as I say. Get his glasses- (Runs to L. door.) 
 Get his glasses, and call me Dodo. (Exit.y. K.&JL* Z fO &+. , 
 
 BIGLER. That's rather cool ! Call her Dodo, arM take away 
 Col. Ginty's eyeglasses, and she will deny she is she. If she 
 isn't she, who is she ? O Lord ! My head is going round. Or 
 else there'll be murder done. Well, I rather think I am not in this. 
 (Runs to L. door.} Locked ! (Runs to closet R. opens it.) Ah ! 
 a closet, this will do. (Steps in; shuts door.) 
 
 (COL. GIXTY rushes in c.) 
 
 COL. Gr* Now, ma'am, where's my daughter? No one here! 
 Strange! Janitor said the ladies were here, yet the door is open. 
 (Knocks on floor with cane.) Hulloa, the house ! They must be . ^ 
 here ! (Pauses.) I'll ring that confounded bell again. (Exit c -^ffjT 
 
 (Bell rings violently. TESSIE opens L. door; BIGLER R. door; / ^ 
 they come half out.} t 
 
 TESSIE. Has he come ? 
 
 BIGLER. Yes. See here ! I must speak to you. (Crosses to c. 
 
 TESSIE (meeting him). What ? 
 
 COL. G. (outside). Hulloa, the house! 
 
 TESSIE. Papa ! Hide ! (Flies into closet, R. BIGLER L. 
 they close doors as COL. GINTY enters -/P 
 
 COL. G. It's a trick. (Runs to closet ; shakes door.} Locked ! 
 (Runs to L. door; pulls.) How it sticks ! Ah ! Ugh ! ( Tugs 
 violently; door opens suddenly; BIGLER falls against COL. 
 GINTY.) A /**/!'/ 
 
 BIGLER. Ah! how d'ye do! /*-* 
 
 COL. G. (grabbing him by collar). My name is Gftit^f Colonel 
 Thomas Quincy Ginty. 
 
 BIGLER. Good name, Ginty. Respectable. Let go my collar, 
 will you ? (Shakes himself free ; comes down front; aside.} I'll 
 bluff it out ! 
 
14 SECOND FLOOR, SPOOPENDYKE. 
 
 COL. G. How dare you pretend not to know me? 
 
 BIGLER. Because I I am near-sighted. I say, have you a pair 
 of eyeglasses with you ? 
 
 COL. G. What is that to you ? (Advances.} 
 ' BIGLER. Just hand them over, will you ? (Jerks COLONEL'S 
 glasses off; puts them on.} No. I do not know you. (Aside.} 
 How's that for nerve ? 
 
 COL. G. Insolent cub! Where is my daughter? 
 
 BIGLEK. Don't know, old man. (Drops glasses; steps on 
 them.} Gad ! I've smashed your glasses. 
 
 COL. G. This is too much. First you abscond with my 
 daughter; then you break the only glasses I have East. Artie 
 Bruce, where is my daughter ? 
 
 (Dooo appears in c. door.} 
 
 yYame is not Artie Bruce. 
 
 COL. G. Sir, you lie ! 
 
 DODO: Whaton earth is the matter? (Comes down.} 
 
 COL. G. A lady. 
 
 BIGLER. I didn't begin the row. 
 
 COL. G. Madam, I am almost blind without my glasses; but I 
 do not think I know. you. I am Col. Ginty. 
 
 DODO. And I am Dodo McLaren. 
 
 BIGLER. Th,e real article ! 
 
 COL. G. Then, where is my daughter? Where is that little 
 idiot ? 
 
 DODO. How should I know ? 
 
 COL. G. Didn't that scoundrel Artie Bruce (pointing to BIGLER) 
 ^ring her here ? 
 
 BIGLER. I am not Artie Bruce : my name is Jimpson, Bigler 
 Jimpson. 
 
 DODO. Of course it is, Bigler Jimpson, my private secretary. 
 (To BIGLER.) I'll back you up. 
 
 BIGLER. Thanks. 
 
 COL. G. (producing note}. Madam, I am a patient man, but this 
 note left by my idiot daughter says, " We shall go straight to 
 Dodo McLaren." Her train came in two hours ago, and she must 
 <be here. 
 
 DODO. Absurd ! 
 
 COL. G. I dislike being rude to a charming lady, but I doubt 
 your sincerity. At all events, I'll not leave until I see my daugh- 
 ter. 
 
 DODO. As that ma^mean a long stay, I will ask you to wait in 
 the library. (Opens ^door.} First door to the left, Colonel. 
 
 COL. G. (stumbling over chair}. I beg your pardon ! Con- 
 found my eyes ! (Exit$^ t 
 
 DODO (rushing to BIGLE'R). I grasped the situation at once. 
 How clever you are, Mr. er Jimpson, I think you said. What 
 did suggest that absurdity ? 
 
 er Jimpson, 1 think you 
 
 ' * 
 
ECOND FLOOR, SPOOPENDYKE. 
 
 * 
 
 BIGLER. My parents. Pray understand, I am Bigler Jimpson, 
 and not Artie Bruce. 
 
 DODO. You are not Artie Bruce? 
 
 BIGLER. Certainly not. 
 
 DODO. Then, why are you here? 
 
 BIGLER. I came to see you, and thought I had done so. At 
 least, I was received by a most extraordinary young woman who 
 let me call her Dodo, and. accepted a present I bought for you. 
 
 DODO. Who can you mean ?^ 
 
 TESSIE (rushing out of closet}. O Dodo ! it was I. 
 
 DODO. What have you done to yourself ? 
 
 TESSIE. Put on your wig and gown. I was so afraid of papa; 
 and Mr. Bigler took me for you, and (seizing box} here is his horrid 
 present ; and he hopes you will wear them to-night. There ! 
 (Gives DODO box} 
 
 BIGLER. I thought you might accept them from an old play- 
 
 mate. 
 DODO. You are very kind. (Opens box} , 
 TESSIE. Do hurry, Dodo ! ^Jt^I <L*4*-' A- 
 
 . ,, ,,.'*/,/- 
 
 them up.} A 
 BIGLER. What the Dickens ! 
 TESSIE. Do they match your costume. Dodo ? 
 DODO. Of course not. Is this your idea of a 
 'impson ? 
 BIGLER. Oh, good Gad ! Oh, I say ! (Catches up 
 
 joke, Mr. 
 wrapper.} 
 
 Ar. Julius Jones. I've stolen another fellow's bundle ! 
 DODO. How absurd! (Laughs.} 
 TESSIE. I shall die ! (Laughs} 
 BIGLER. Then, where are my flowers ? yj \ 
 
 (COL. GINTY appears in doortf 
 
 ^>*. 
 
 COL. G. I thought I heard a strange voice. 
 
 TESSIE (grasping DODO). Papa ! 
 
 DODO. Keep cool. Col. Ginty, let me present you to Miss 
 er Francie. 
 
 COL. G. (bowing}. Pleased to meet you, ma'am. 
 
 TESSIE (affecting stutter}. Charmed t t to meet you, C 
 C Col. G G Ginty. 
 
 DODO (to BIGLER). Can't you get him away ? 
 
 BIGLER. I can try. 
 
 COL. G. You are from the South, Miss Francie ? 
 
 TESSIE. N n no; the w w wild and w wooly w 
 w west. 
 
 (ARTIE appears in door c.) 
 
 ARTIE. Which of you ladies is Miss McLaren ? I am a re- 
 porter from Gossip. (Comes down} 
 
 TESSIE. It's Artie! Papa will kill him. (Turns her back.} 
 
SECOND FLOOR, SPOOPENDYKE. 
 
 DODO. Don't turn around. 
 
 ARTIE. Well, which is Miss McLaren ? 
 
 DODO. I am, and I won't be interviewed. (To BIGLER). It's 
 Artie; get him out. 
 
 BIGLER. All right! (To ARTIE.) Don't you hear Miss 
 McLaren? Leave the house. (Takes him by Jtfl^rm.} '' 
 
 ARTIE. Not until I see Miss Tessie Ginty. (Holding up 
 ipgv} T. G. You see I know she is here, and all about it. 
 
 'TESSIE. Dodo ! J&k 
 
 COL. G. (grasping ARTIE'S jdg&t ari). You young scoundrel, 
 if you dare to print one word about my daughter in your vile paper, 
 I'll have your life! Get out of this ! 
 
 TESSIE. Oh! (Turns around.} 
 
 ARTIK. Til not leave until I see her. Ah ! (Pointing to TES- 
 SIE.) There she is ! 
 
 TESSIE. I am not ! 
 
 ALL. What ? (TYRONE appears in c. door.} 
 
 TESSIE. T T Tessie G G Ginty. My n n name 
 is F F Francie. 
 
 TYRONE. Francie ! 
 
 DODO. Tyrone, that man is a reporter : put him out ! 
 
 TYRONE. Out he goes ! (Rushes to ARTIE, who is struggling 
 between COL. GINTY and BIGLER.) 
 
 ARTIE. You fellows let me go ! (Struggles up stage with 
 TYRONE, COL. GINTY, and BIGLER.) 
 
 GIRLS. Oh ! Oh ! 
 
 ARTIE. Let me go ! 
 
 COL. G., TYRONE, and BIGLER. Out you go ! 
 
 (CoL. GINTY takes his head, BIGLER and TYRONE his feet, carry 
 him off C. kicking.} 
 
 ARTIE. I will see her ! (Exit.} 
 
 TESSIE. Dodo ! (Falls on DODO'S neck.} 
 
 DODO. Tessie. (Kisses her.} 
 
 QjJICK CURTAl 
 
 ^ 
 
 X 
 
 SCENE. Sqbne as in Act I. SARAH discovered at rise of cur- 
 tain seated by table, cards spread out j deals more as she speaks. 
 
 SARAH. There's the ace, four, and Jack of hearts next to me 
 , that's marriage ; and the ace of clubs a friend ; and diamonds 
 is money; and, oh dear! the ace and nine of spades a letter 
 bringing bad news. (Rises.} Pshaw ! 'tain't so. (Reads note.} 
 
SECOND FLOOR, SPOOPENDYKE. IJ 
 
 " If Francie will go to Miss McLaren'^ apartment in ' The 
 Spoopendyke,' Mr. Herbert will meet her there directly after the 
 matinee." There ! the doorkeeper give me this, and the cards can 
 go to the dickens ! I ain't going to have no disappointment. 
 (Gathers up cards.} I only wish he'd come before Miss McLaren. 
 Her nose will be out of joint. I've got her beau, and maybe I'll 
 get her place. I can act as good as she does. (Prances about; 
 recites.} " Back ! Nicholas Merton, I am desperate, desperate I 
 
 say! 
 
 (DoDO enters c. ; stands amazed} 
 
 SARAH. " Dare to lay hand on me, and " (Turns} Goodness 
 gracious ! Oh, I was just saying over your part ! You do act so 
 lovely, ma'am. 
 
 DODO. Thanks. (Comes down} Now, if you have quite fin- 
 ished making a fool of yourself, serve dinner in half an hour. 
 
 SARAH. But I -j . 
 
 DODO. No excuses. Do as I say. {Exit L.) MX^t 50Ot\ 
 
 SARAH. Do as you say ! I guess not. I've cookea my last 
 dinner for you, ma'am. How can I get her away before Tyrone 
 comes ? Ah, I know ! (Sits by table, writes} 
 
 Miss MCLAREN. 
 
 Dear Madam, We cannot possibly finish your dress for the 
 new piece, Monday, unless you come up to be fitted at once. 
 
 Respectfully, 
 
 PlNKBERRY & CO. 
 
 (Pttts letter in envelope} There! She's a very stuck up young 
 woman and bullies her manager, but she dassent disobey her tailor. 
 (Rises} I'll just ring the bell and give her this. (Exit c -lTlK^. 
 
 (TESSIE and DODO enter L. ; TESSIE sobbing-, head on DODO'S 
 shoulder.) 
 
 DODO. Don't cry any more, darling ! (Leads her to sofa ; takes 
 box of candy from table ; joins her} 
 
 TESSIE. I can't help it. What do you imagine those wicked 
 men did with Artie? tUA/yS h*o-" 
 
 DODO. Nothing very dreadful, I fancy. Have a marr&n f 
 (Offers her box.} A 
 
 TESSIE. I couldn't. Well, just one. (Eats.} O Dodo ! 
 Shall you ever forget Artie going out with his poor, dear legs 
 kicking? 
 
 DODO. Never. (Laughs} 
 
 TESSIE. How can you laugh ? It is so dreadful. (Sobs} Are 
 there any more man&nis ?- Kld-V^ u*.-6t-<o-3 7 
 
 DODO. Yes, darling! (Hands her box} 
 
 TESSIE. They take my mind off of Artie. (Eafs} 
 
 DODO. Cheer up. I have a splendid plan, 
 
 TESSIE. Oh, what is it ? 
 
1 8 SECOND FLOOR, SPOOPENDYKE. 
 
 DODO. You know your papa suspects that Bigler Jimpson is Artie. 
 
 TESSIE. Well ? 
 
 DODO. When Bigler returns we will persuade him to carry out 
 the idea and lead Col. Ginty off on a false scent. Meantime, you 
 and Artie will walk quietly out and be married. 
 
 TESSIE. But suppose Artie don't come. 
 
 DODO. Not come, when he knows you are here ! 
 
 TESSIE. But, Dodo, suppose papa should do something dread- 
 ful to poor Bigler ? 
 
 DODO. That is Bigler's affair 
 
 (BIGLER is heard singing " Comrades"} 
 
 TESSIE. There he is. 
 
 DODO. Now, we'll flatter him into saying yes. 
 
 (BIGLER enters c., laughing.') 
 
 BIGLER. Jove ! I've had such fun. 
 
 TESSIE and DODO (rising). Tell us ? 
 
 BIGLER (coming down). We've disposed of that reporter 
 fellow. 
 
 DODO (taking his right ami). Tell us all about it? '" 
 
 TESSIE (taking his left ami). Do, Bigler. 
 
 BOTH (lead him to sofa, sit, with BIGLER between them). Now. 
 (Press his hands, smile?) 
 
 BIGLER (delighted). Really, girls, you, I at least well; he'll 
 trouble you no more. / settled him. 
 
 TESSIE (starting up) . Wretch ! 
 
 BIGLER. Eh ? 
 
 DODO. She means the reporter. 
 
 TESSIE. Yes, I meant the reporter. (St'ts.) 
 
 DODO. And how did you settle him, Bigler? 
 
 TESSIE. Go on, dear Bigler. 
 
 BIGLER. We took him to the Hoffrung in a cab, carried him in 
 yelling like a Comanche 
 
 TESSIE. Oh ! (Clenches hands.) 
 
 DODO. Yes? (Shakes head at TESSIE.) 
 
 BIGLER. Told the clerk he was suffering from D. T's. 
 
 TESSIE. Oh ! (Same business.} 
 
 DODO. Yes ? (Same business.) 
 
 BIGLER (laughing). Then we locked him up in a room, hired a 
 hall boy to watch him, and told him not to listen to his ravings. 
 Gad! such a circus ! 
 
 DODO. How funny ! 
 
 TESSIE. Frightfully funny ! And it was your idea ? 
 
 BIGLER. Mine, mine alone. 
 
 DODO. How clever of you ! 
 
 TESSIE. You are exactly the man we want. We have a joke, 
 too, and need just such a clever, original, brilliant, daring spirit as 
 you to help us carry it out. Ugh ! (Rises; goes up stage.) 
 
SECOND FLOOR, SPOOPENDYKE. 19 
 
 BIGLER. I'll do my best. (Rises.} 
 
 DODO* No one could ask more than Bigler's best. (Rises.} 
 Shake hands on it. (Takes right hand.} 
 
 TESSIE (coming down, takes left hand). It's a bargain ? 
 
 BIGLER. Why, certes. (Shakes hands with girls, who lead 
 him down front.) Now, then, what is the joke? 
 
 DODO (taking him by left lapel}. You know Col. Ginty sus- 
 pects that you are Artie Bruce. 
 
 BIGLER T I thought I'd disabused him of that idea. 
 
 TESSIE (taking right lapel). No ; and you mustn't try to. 
 
 BIGLER. Not try ! Are you aware that he is laying for Artie 
 with a revolver ? 
 
 DODO. Surely, my old playmate isn't afraid ! 
 
 BIGLER. I'm not afraid, but I'm not bullet proof. 
 
 TESSIE. Surely you would not object to passing yourself off as 
 Artie for half an hour? 
 
 BIGLER. A fellow can die in half an hour. Great Scott! 
 (Steps back ; sinks into chair c.) 
 
 DODO (stepping to his L.). To oblige us, dear, dear Bigler. 
 (Clasps hands.} 
 
 (fame business, R.). Just for fun, dear, dear Bigler ? 
 
 appears in c. 
 
 said you**vvbufd do yo*ur oesfT 
 
 TESSIE (sees COL. GINTY ; raises voice}. And your best plan is 
 to-acknowledge frankly to Col. GINTY that you are ArtieBruce. 
 
 COL. G. What's that ? (Comes down.} 
 
 BIGLER. Oh, Great Caesar ! (Springs up} 
 
 DODO. You can't back out now, Mr. Bruce. 
 
 TESSIE. C c c oncealment is of no use, Mr. B B B 
 Bruce. ^JuJ>(y*6tf^ /-*/ <X*u 
 
 BIGLER. Then, I'll try running. 
 
 COL. G. Where is my daughter ? (Advances?) 
 
 BIGLER (jumping behind sofa}. Don't shoot. 
 
 COL. G. Coward ! Where is she ? ^Draivs cu 
 
 GIRLS. O Col. Ginty ! (Crosses to R. front.} 
 
 COL. G. It won't take a minute, ladies. (Rushes to sofa.) 
 Where is my daughter? JJ~& 
 
 BIGLER. Don't know. ( Jumps over sofa, flies out C.)*"j0 \* 
 
 COL. G. Indies, excuse me. (Follows BIGLER, calling) where 
 is she? V3~- *#tf /<- 
 
 GIRLS (crossing to window). Oh ! 
 
 DODO. Bigler is half-way over Madison Square. 
 
 TESSIE. See papa's coat-tails fly. 
 
 DODO. Poor Bigler ! (Conies down front} 
 
 TESSIE. Serves him exactly right. (Joins DODO.) He locked 
 my Artie up. (Bell rings.) 
 
 DODO. Well, we know where he is 
 
 SARAH (entering c.). Note from Pinkberry, ma'am. 
 
l\ 
 
 CM*. < -, 
 
 2O SECOND FLOOR, SPOOPENDYKE. 
 
 DODO. Pinkberry! {Reads} Oh, what a nuisance! My 
 wraps, Sarah. 
 
 SARAH. Yes, ma'am. {Exit L., re-enters with wraps.} 
 
 TESSIE. Are you going to leave me, Dodo ? 
 
 DODO. Must, my dear. One's tailor must be obeyed. {Puts 
 on wraps.} But it is just as well, for I can stop at the Hoflfrung 
 and extricate poor Artie. 
 
 TESSIE. Will you do that ? 
 
 DODO. In fifteen minutes you will see him here. ft 
 
 TESSIE. Fancy ! 60 i\ + 
 
 DODO. By-by, darling! {Kisses her; exit, followed by 
 SARAH.) S K*v^L/C >y*t^>K^^'^<? /^TV \ 
 
 TESSIE. In fifteen minutes r*shall see Artie. 
 
 DODO {putting head in c. door}. O Tessie ! 
 
 TESSIE. Yes f 
 
 DODO. Until Artie comes don't drop your disguise. Continue 
 to be Miss er 
 
 TESSIE. F F Francie. 
 
 DODO. Yes, Francie ; setter and all until all danger is past. 
 By-by! {Exit r&L ft 
 
 TESSIE {comes down; sits on sofa}. Fifteen minutes! lean 
 hardly wait. It seems years since Artie left me to buy those horrid 
 sandwiches. Thank goodness, there can be no more complications. 
 
 SARAH {outside}. Walk right in, Mr. Herbert. 
 
 TESSIE. Some one coming. 
 
 SARAH {showing in TYRONE) . Miss McLaren's out, Mr. Her- 
 bert, but there's some one else you'll like to see. 
 
 TYRONE {hiking ^ffMaJ^. Indeed! Who? 
 
 SARAH. Miss Francie. {Winks.} 
 
 TESSIE. Francie ! That is me. {Rises.} 
 
 TYRONE. Ah ! {Looks at TESSIE.) You may go, Sarah. 
 
 SARAH. Me, go! 
 
 TYRONE. My good girl, there is a time and a place for all 
 things 
 
 ;., .-SARAH {interrupting}. I see ; we must be cautious. LWinks} 
 I'll return. Hush ! {Puts finger on lips; exit.Q r4jl ^ . 
 
 TYRONE. The girl is an idiot ! {Comes down} rDwiss Francie., 
 I think. {Bows.} 
 
 TESSIE. Y Y Yes, I am Miss F F Francie. 
 
 TYRONE {aside}. She's very fetching. 
 
 TESSIE. Be seated. M M Miss M M McLaren will 
 return directly. {Sits.} 
 
 TYRONE {aside}. A hint. {Sits} I hardly know how to be- 
 gin. Miss Francie. 
 
 TESSIE. You m m might c c commence with your n 
 n name. 
 
 TYRONE. Surely you know I am Tyrone Herbert. 
 
 TESSIE. The actor ! J have always w w wanted to m m 
 meet you, 
 
SECOND FLOOR, SPOOPENDYKE. 21 
 
 TYRONE. So I inferred. (Pulls mustache.} 
 
 TESSIE (aside}. Conceited wretch. 
 
 TYRONE. Still, I I By Jove ! It's very hard to tell unpleas- 
 ant truths to a young and pretty woman. 
 
 TESSIE. Is it ? 
 
 TYRONE. Beastly hard. But it is my duty to show you the 
 excessive folly and and immorality of your conduct to-day. 
 
 TESSIE. Sir ? (Rises.) 
 
 TYRONE (rising). You left your happy home to follow the 
 prompting of a pardon me shallow heart and empty brain 
 
 TESSIE. Upon my w w word ! 
 
 TYRONE. Doubtless you think yourself engaged in a most ro- 
 mantic affair. 
 
 TESSIE. At 1 1 least it is m my affair. 
 
 TYRONE. Not a bit of it. The world always blames the man in 
 these cases. He is always considered a heartless villain, when, in 
 reality, he fs dragged in neck and heels. By Jove! (Walks up 
 stage.) 
 
 TESSIE. Artie dragged in " neck and heels ! " 
 
 TYRONE. Doubtless you expect to wind up this romance with a 
 wedding. (Conies down.) 
 
 TESSIE. That's what I am here for. 
 
 TYRONE. Good Gad ! I well, I am sorry to seem brutal, 
 and and. but in fact, you've mistaken your man. 
 
 TESSIE. Oh, oh ! (Turns her back ; sobs.} 
 
 TYRONE. By Jove ! Tve broken her poor little heart. (Walks 
 about.) Don't cry, my dear little girl. 
 
 TESSIE (sitting on sofa) . I wish you would go away. 
 
 TYRONE (going to her). Now, my dear girl, I advise you to re- 
 turn to your afflicted parents. You have a mother? 
 
 TESSIE. No. (Sobs.) 
 
 TYRONE. "A father, then : perhaps he is even now prostrated by 
 your absence 
 
 TESSIE. Papa prostrated ! Nonsense ! 
 
 TYRONE. Let me take you to your home. 
 
 TESSIE (rising). Sir, I am not in the habit of travelling with 
 Grange men. 
 
 TYRONE. My dear Miss Francie 
 
 TESSIE. Since you know all about my elopement you need not 
 pretend not to know my name any longer. 
 
 TYRONE. But I 
 
 TESSIE. Not another word, sir ! (Sweeps by him up stage.) I 
 will return home when I choose, and you may go back to the man 
 who sent you and tell him so. 
 
 TYRONE. But I 
 
 TKSSIE (coming down). For him I sacrificed everything a 
 woman holds most dear, trousseau, presents, bridesmaids, ush- 
 ers, everything nice I gave up freely, because I loved him. 
 
 TYRONE (sinking on sofa, holds his head). The girl is crazy ! 
 
 C e a* c. 
 
22 SECOND FLOOR, SPOOPENDYK.E. 
 
 TESSIE. He begged, urged, prayed me to elope for weeks, and 
 now sends a stranger to tell me I dragged him in " neck and 
 heels." (Sits by table ; sobs.) 
 
 TYRONE. Miss Francie ! 
 
 TESSIE. I tell you not to call me Francie ! 
 
 TYRONE. There is some mistake. 
 
 TESSIE. There has been. (Rises.) 
 
 TYRONE (rising). Madam, all my remarks applied to a Miss 
 Francie ; now, if you are not she, I take them all back. 
 
 TESSIE. You do not come from Artie ? 
 
 TYRONE. Certainly not : never heard of him. How can I atone 
 for my blunder? 
 
 COL. G. (outside). Where is she ? 
 
 TESSIE. Papa ! Oh, don't tell him I am here ! 
 
 TYRONE. Why not ? 
 
 TESSIE. He would murder me. Hush ! (Exit L.) 
 
 TYRONE. Poor little thing ! I must help her out. 
 
 COL. G. (rushing in c.). Ah, ha ! Where is she ? 
 
 TYRONE. Your daughter is not here. Ah ! my friend of the 
 morning. Don't you remember me, sir? 
 
 COL. G. (peering at him). I'm as blind as a mole without my 
 glasses, sir. 
 
 TYRONE. We met here, sir, this morning ; carried off that re- 
 porter fellow. Good joke ! 
 
 COL. G. Joke ! Pm beyond joking ! Where is my daughter " 
 Where is the wretched little idiot you have drawn away from hi 
 home ? 
 
 TYRONE (aside). This is Mr. Francie. I assure you, sir, your 
 daughter left home of her own accord. I did not ask her to. 
 
 COL. G. What! She asked you to clone with her? (Ad- 
 
 ot ask her. 
 
 COL. G. Didn't you send her to Miss McLaren ? 
 
 TYRONE. Not till she had begged me to meet her. 
 
 COL. G. Artie Bruce, you are a liar ! 
 
 TYRONE. Mr. Francie, you're a cran-k ! 
 
 COL. G. Don't call me Francie, sir ; my name is Ginty. 
 
 TYRONE. And my name is Herbert. 
 
 COL. G. Then, where is Artie Bruce? 
 
 TYRONE. Artie! (Comes down.) That is the name she men- 
 tioned. This is her father. (Winks.') I am on her side. (To 
 COL. G.) Artie Bruce : oh, yes ! Artie Bruce ! 
 
 COL. G. Get on, sir ; get on ! 
 
 TYRONE. Artie Bruce is the name of the young gentleman who 
 helped us carry off the reporter. 
 
 COL. G. I knew it ; and 1 let him put me off with a story of his 
 being Bigler Jimpson. 
 
 TYRONE. Absurd! Suppose we look him up. 
 
 COL. G. He is at the Hoffrung now. Will you go with me ? 
 
, SPOOPENDYKE. 2$ 
 
 
 
 TYRONE. Certainly. (Aside.) Anything to get him away. 
 
 - . - 
 
 COL. G. Sir, you are most obliging. (Exit 
 TYRONE. Sir, you are badly sold. (Exit 
 
 (TESSIE enters L.; ^wj /0 window.) 
 
 TESSIE. There they go, arm in arm, in search of poor Bigler. 
 What a nice young man that Mr. Herbert seems to be! such a 
 ready liar! (Sits on sofa.) 
 
 SARAH (entering c.) . Beg pardon! but where's Mr. Herbert, 
 ma'am ? 
 
 TESSIE. Gone. 
 
 SARAH. Did he say anything about a a = Francie, ma'am ? 
 
 TESSIE. Lots. / f ff / ^_ 
 
 SARAH. I knew it. (Runs off c.yW{J ^ i /] t/L*** ^e 
 
 TESSIE. \Vhat a peculiar girl ! (Rises; walks about.} " won- 
 der, by-the-by, who this Miss Francie is, and what she has done 
 to bring Mr. Herbert's wrath upon her head. Ah, me ! Why 
 don't Artie come? It seems as_though I could not wait.- I'll "get 
 something to read. (Exit L.) /(uuCt to'j* V*. fc**^"*^, 
 
 SARAH (entering c.). Tyrone is gofle ofrwith the old gentleman 
 as cool as you please, and never a thought of me. "There's a 
 time and a place for all things," says he. Well, my time has got 
 to come pretty quick, or I'll make things hot. (Opens closet doo 
 I'll wait in here; and when Tyrone comes I'll tell him I'm Fra 
 cie, if there's a thousand people about. (Goes in; shuts door.) 
 
 (ARTIE cautiously opens window, looks about, jumps in. T#P 
 
 .j uhiM~and nfirrTiVr/.frir 
 
 ARTIE. ^'/^ r^BftUjf ?, ] 1 j'i tf ^- sorne use - Here I am : now, where 
 is Tessie ? ff-IStel wig' cafrfiot deceive the eyes of love. I know 
 she is here, and herA stay until I see her. (Listens) I thought 
 I heard some one coming. No ; imagination. Jove! I've had a 
 nervous day of it. (Comes down ; sits on sofa.) If ever I meet 
 those fellows again, I'll teach them to lock me up as a D. T. 
 patient. (Unrolls bandage from wrist.) They nearly dislocated 
 my wrist. (Takes bottle^ from pocket ; bathes wrist.) If I hadn't 
 had money enough to bribe the hall boy, I might be locked Jove ! 
 Some one is coming. (Looks about.) ' I'll lie close until I find out 
 who it is. (Crawls under sofa; leaves one foot out) 
 
 (TESSIE enters carrying book ; comes down, sits by fire, reads.) 
 TESSIE. " ' Do you love me, darling?' The speaker was a tall, 
 muscular man, with flashing brown eyes." Just like Artie ! 
 (Sighs; reads title.) "Separated at the Altar." Just like Artie 
 and me. (Sighs.) What a queer odor! (Rises.) Like a 
 (sniffs) dentist's (sniff's) or a photograph gallery. (Sniffs.) 
 Chloroform! Burglars! (Walks about.) Where' nr6 they? 
 (Sees ARTIE'S feet.) Gracious ! a human man's foot ! Well, he 
 
shall come out. (Seizes foot.) Come out, you wretch ! (ARTIE 
 begins to back out.) Oh, he is coming! (Runs to mantel; turns 
 her back.) I haven't any diamonds. Please don't hurt me ! 
 
 ARTIE. It's Tessie. (Runs to her.) 
 
 TESSIE (giving him bangles}. These are solid. Please go 
 away ! 
 
 ARTIE (putting arm around her). My darling! 
 
 TESSIE. Oh, help ! I wish Artie was here ! 
 
 ARTIE. He is. Look around ! 
 
 TESSIE (turning). Artie! (Throws arms around his neck.) 
 At last ! 
 
 ARTIE (kissing her) . Are you really glad to see me ? 
 
 TESSIE. Glad ! Why, it seems years since we met. 
 
 ARTIE. Same here. I say, Tessie, why are you rigged up in 
 this -style ! 
 
 TESS'IE. On account of papa. I say, Artie, why were you hiding 
 under the sofa ? 
 
 ARTIE. On account of papa. 
 
 TESSIE. He's not your papa yet. 
 
 ARTIE.^ Make him so. Let us hurry and be married before any- 
 thing else prevents. 
 
 TESSIE. Yes, for papa is laying for you with a cowhide, 
 
 ARTIE. By Jove ! 
 
 TESSIE. He is so .impetuous. You saw how he behaved when 
 he thought you a reporter. 
 
 ARTIE (rubbing wrist). I felt him. 
 
 TESSIE. Well, that's nothing to what he'd do if he knew you 
 were Artie. 
 
 ARTIE. Suppose we go. 
 
 (DODO rushes in C.) 
 
 TESSIE. Dodo ! 
 DODO. Who is this ? 
 TESSIE. Artie. 
 
 DODO. I thought so. You must hide. Your father is coming, 
 Hide! 
 
 TESSIE and ARTIE. Where ? 
 DODO. Here. (Runs to closet ; pulls door, .) Hurry! 
 
 (TESSIE and ARTIE cross to closet. ARTIE pit Us door open.) 
 
 BOTH. Don't betray us ! 
 
 DODO. Never. (Pushes them in ; SARAH and TESSIE scream 
 as door closes.) 
 
 (Noise, outside, of struggle.) 
 DODO. The Colonel ! (Throws herself into chair by fire.) 
 
SECOND FLOOR, SPOOPENDYICE. 2$ 
 
 (CoL. GINTY and TYRONE enter c., dragging BIGLER between 
 them. All are dishevelled, collars and ties floating, hats knocked 
 in, etc.) 
 
 COL. G. and TYRONE (drag BIGLER down front). Stand up ! 
 
 BIGLER (dropping limply). I won't! 
 
 DODO (rising). What does this mean ? 
 
 COL. G. This, madam, is the young wretch who absconded with 
 my daughter. 
 
 TYRONE. Artie Bruce, you know. 
 
 BIGLER. I am not. (Sits flat on floor.) Oh, what a day I'm 
 having ! 
 
 DODO (aside). I must interfere. 
 
 COL. G. (jerking BIGLER'S right arm). Will you stand up? 
 What does Tessie see to admire in you? 
 
 BIGLER (closing eyes) . Don't know. 
 
 TYRONE (jerking left arm). Will you stand up? Where's your 
 nerve, man ? 
 
 BIGLER. Didn't bring 'em with me. 
 
 DODO. Tyrone, Col. Ginty, pray let that unfortunate young man 
 rise. I assure you, he is not Artie Bruce. 
 
 BIGLER. There, didn't I say so ? 
 
 COL. G. and TYRONE. Who is he.? (Drops BIGLER'S arms.) 
 
 DODO. Bigler Jimpson, an old schoolfellow of mine. You see, 
 Colonel, you are impetuous. 
 
 COL. G. I am. 
 
 TYRONE. Just a bit. 
 
 BIGLER (rubbing shoulder). Just a trifle. 
 
 DODO. So poor little Tessie was afraid to have you meet the 
 genuine Artie until you were cool. 
 
 COL. G. Well? 
 
 ^. DODO. So Mr. Jimpson, with his usual cool, manly courage, 
 volunteered to act as a buffer between you and the romantic pair. 
 
 TYRONE. That was plucky. 
 
 BIGLER (rising). Don't mention it. 
 
 DODO. Few men would have shown as much bravery ; for you 
 know, Colonel, you are a fire-eater. 
 
 COL. G. I am. (Shaking hands with BIGLER.) Young man, 
 T. admire your nerve. 
 
 BIGLER (proudly). A Southerner never shows the white feather. 
 
 (Retires up R. with TYRONE. They adjust each other's neckties, 
 
 etc.) 
 
 DODO. Now, Col. Ginty, will you tell me frankly why you 
 object to Artie Bruce ? 
 
 COL. G. I don't. I merely wish Tessie to be married at home, 
 as a Ginty should. 
 
 DODO/ I see. 
 
 COL. G. I followed to tell Tessie so this morning ; then, as 
 
 /| , 
 
26 v^feE^OND FLOOR, SPOOPENDYKE. 
 
 everything went wrong, I lost my temper. I am impetuous, but 
 not flinty-hearted. 
 
 DODO. Then you forgive them ? 
 
 COL. G. Of course. Where are they ? 
 
 DODO {stepping to closet ; pulls door). Here. Will you assist 
 me, Col. Ginty? (Tugs.) 
 
 COL. G. (goes to door). With pleasure. (Tugs.) Is it locked ? 
 
 DODO (tugging). No. 
 
 TYRONE (crossing, puts arms about DODO'S waist). Let me 
 brace you, Dodo. 
 
 COL. G. That's the idea ! (Puts arms about TYRONE.) 
 
 BIGLER. And I will be anchor. (Puts arms about COL. GINTY.) 
 
 TYRONE. Say when, Dodo. 
 
 DODO. One, two, three! When ! (All pull; door opens sud- 
 denly; all stagger in line over to K.frout. ARTIE, TESSIE, and 
 SARAH, who are holding inside handle, rush out, drop on their 
 knees C.) 
 
 ARTIE, TESSIE, and SARAH. Don't shoot ! 
 
 COL. G. (stepping forward). Come to my arms, my children ! 
 
 TESSIE and ARTIE (rising, rush into his arms). Papa! 
 
 (SARAH rises ; crosses to L. front ; stands.} 
 
 COL. G. So this is the genuine Artie? 
 
 TESSIE. The original. Shake hands with papa, Artie. 
 
 ARTIE (shaking hands}. Colonel Ginty, I want to say a few 
 words to you. (7^hey retire up left ofc. door.) 
 
 DODO. Tyrone, everything is now explained but the mystery 
 about Francie. 
 
 TYRONE. Which will remain a mystery 
 
 SARAH. Not so. (Crosses to c.) Tyrone, I am Francie. 
 
 ALL. You ! 
 
 SARAH. Yes. (Waves note.) Francie! 
 
 DODO. In that case, you're easily settled. Leave the room, and 
 my service. 
 
 SARAH. Tyrone, I appeals to you. 
 
 TYRONE. I do not want a waitress, Sarah. 
 
 SARAH. Oh, very good! Then I puts you all in the papers. 
 (Goes up to C. door.) 
 
 COL. G., TESSIE, and ARTIE (come down, facing SARAH /_ 
 front). She'll put us in the papers ! (Laugh} 
 
 SARAH. You're a stuck up lot ! (Brushes by; retires up, fol- 
 lowed by OMNES, laughing.} 
 
 OMNES. We're a stuck up lot! 
 
 SARAH (coming down}. But I ain't afraid! 
 
 OMNES. She's not afraid ! (Follow her.} 
 
 SARAH (turns, retires up}. I'll tell the reporters all about you. 
 
 OMNES. All about us ! (Follow ; form line across stage, 
 to audience, right hands pointing at SARAH.) 
 
 SARAH (in door c.). And don't you forget it. 
 
SECOND FLOOR, SPOOPENDYKE. 2? 
 
 OMNES. Good-by, Francie ! 
 SARAH. Drat you ! (E.rtf.) 
 
 OMNES (turning suddenly; face to audience). How was that 
 for a game of bluff? 
 
 QUICK CURTAIX. 
 
 (The business of following and mocking SARAH wants to be 
 played very quickly, and should be accompanied by lively music till 
 fall of curtain.} 
 
NEW PLAYS. 
 
 LITTLE TRUMP; 
 
 OR, A ROCKY MOUNTAIN DIAMOND. 
 
 cA ^Drama. in Three cAds. 
 By A. LINCOLN FISHER, 
 
 Seven male, four female characters. Costumes, modern and character. 
 Scenery, varied but easy. This is a typical Western drama, with a soubretto 
 lead, similar to the popular " Triss." The dramatic interest is very strong, the 
 characters widely diversified. Two " heavy " characters, one a Mexican, good 
 comedy, male and female, and strong " character " bits. Little Trump is f* 
 capital soubrette, and Gushington Splatterbee (comedy) a part of great oppor- 
 tunity. Plays a full evening. 
 
 PRICE . . 25 CENTS* 
 
 SYNOPSIS. 
 
 ACT I. In the Rockies. Rube's home. Phil and the " greaser." Prospect- 
 ing. A leaf from the past. Little Trump. " The face of the senora." Uncle 
 Rex. A heated interview. " If you hurt my gran'pa, I'll let daylight through 
 you ! " The lost locket. A clue. A gentleman from the East. The breakdown. 
 Hospitalities. Rex's romance. On the trail. Gushington's little stunt. 
 Minerva, the tenderfoot. Seeing the sunset. Trump's story. The tin box. 
 "She is my daughter's child." Rube breaks the news. "I ain't gone yet, 
 gran'pa." The abduction. Rex has the drop on the " greaser." " Shoota now, 
 if you dare ! " 
 
 ACT II. The pursuit. The ruined Hacienda. Old Pepita. Trump's new 
 grandma. Under guard. The road-agents. Raising the wind. Pepita's friend. 
 On guard. Splatterbee to the rescue. A ghost. Pepita the Avitch. A proposal. 
 " When Trump is found you shall be in truth her Uncle Rex." An angry 
 father perhaps. The effect of moonlight. An old hen. Trump's escape. 
 The discovery. Pepita's death. A forged story. The meeting. A duel to the 
 death. Another chance. A cowardly ruse. Shot in the back. Destroying the 
 traces. The explosion. In the nick of time. Rex's rescue. " And I've mislaid 
 my note-book ! " 
 
 ACT III. In New York City. Six Aveeks and no clue. A close call for Rex. 
 Who is Philip Cranstoii? Claiming her promise. "A gentleman beloAV." 
 An interview. A familiar face. A clue. Making terms. The price of crime. 
 Identified at last. A change of plans. " Xo opera to-night." Gushingtou 
 ahead. A close call. Good news. Splatterbee holds a " little Trump." Safe 
 at last. Squaring accounts. " The devil ! Rex Kenyon alive ! " Beaten at 
 every point. Manuel turns. Gushington throws off tlie mask. "And just you 
 make a note of that." 
 
 A POLITICAL PULL. 
 
 cA Comedietta in One cAct. 
 By JOHN JASPER JACKSON, 
 
 Three male, three female characters. Costumes modern ; scenery an easy 
 interior. An original and amusing little story of love and politics, in Avhioli u 
 
 fraphophone plays the leading part. A suitable piece for parlor performance, 
 rish loAV-comedy, and capital juvenile parts. Plays twenty minutes. 
 
 PRICE . . J5 CENTS. 
 
 Sent, postpaid, on receipt of price, by 
 
 BAKER, 5 HAMILTON PLACE, BOSTON, MASS. 
 
NEW OPERETTAS FOR CHILDREN. 
 
 KING COLE. 
 
 A BURLESQUE OPERETTA IN THREE ACTS. 
 Libretto by H. N. CUNNINGHAM. .... 
 Music by M. L. COOLEY. 
 
 Ten male, three female characters, and as -many as. desired for chorus. 
 Costumes fancy, but not difficult; scenery desirable^.but not . absolutely 
 necessary. Written primarily for boys, i particularly for boy choirs, boys' 
 schools or clubs, it was intended originally that boys should. play- the- female 
 characters, but girls may be introduced in these parts, if desired, and also in 
 the chorus. The music is easy, catchy, and easily, learned. Five of the parts 
 demand good singers, but the other characters -are not exacting* -The music is 
 printed complete with the text. The plot of the operetta is inspired by the 
 familiar enactment of King Cole in the nursery rhyme, and is fancifully 
 developed with much humor and a satirical, side. glance at recent political hap-> ^ 
 penings. Plays one hour and a half. * . 
 
 Price ..... , . . 50 cents. . 
 
 A DREAM^mFLOWERS. 
 
 & Cantata for 
 
 CONSISTING OF SONGS, CHORUSES, RECITATIONS, 
 
 DIALOGUES, ETC 
 By NELLIE E. CASE. 
 m 
 
 For fourteen little girls, one little boy, and chorus. Costumes fanciful, but 
 easily gotten up. No scenery needed, though it can be employed to advantage. 
 This cantata primarily celebrates May Day, introducing a M;ty-]>oie D.n 
 it is good and not unsuitable for performance at any season. It is published 
 yij complete with music, pretty and very easy. This piece is theVork of- an. expe- 
 *ir ritMiced teacher, familiar with the needs and limitations. uf, cliildrejo, .and is 
 \f/ ,' tiered with confidence. 
 
 \ff Price 25 cents. . 
 
THE PLAYS OF HENRIK IBSEN. 
 
 Edited, with Critical and Biographical Introduction, 
 by EDMUND GOSSE. 
 
 This series is offered to meet a growing demand for the plays of this well- 
 <il)ust>d;t')d hotly-discussed writer, wh< >:-<: influence over the contemporary drama 
 is enormous even if his vogue in the American theatre he still regrettably 
 small. These plays are intended for the reading public, but are recommended 
 for the use of literary societies and reading clubs, and somewhat diffidently 
 suggested to dramatic clubs, as providing unconventional but vigorously acta^ 
 ble material. As a dramatis* Ibsen is absolutely " actor-tight," and has written 
 more successful parts and inspired more " hits" than any of his more popular 
 contemporaries. This edition is printed in large, clear type, well suited for the 
 use of reading clubs. The following titles are ready. 
 
 vfx 
 
 A DOLUS HOUSE. 
 
 THE PILLARS OF SOCIETY. 
 
 female eharacteis. 
 
 A Pi TUKKKACTS. Translated by Wn> 
 
 .u.v.v .' .< .IKK. Three male, four female char- 
 acters, an<i three children. Price, 35 cents. 
 
 A PLAY ix For R 
 Translated by "WILLIAM 
 AiKJUKr. Ten male, nii;<- 
 Price, 25 cents. 
 
 /- tJ/AC'T'C [ A DRAMA ix THRKE ACTS. Translated by \\ 
 
 ^ JA iv -' j * ** j Au< H u 'o female characters. 
 
 1 Price, 35 cents. 
 
 ROSMERSHOLM. 
 
 THE LADY FROM THE SEA. 
 
 
 A DRAMA, ix FOUR ACTS. Translated by M. 
 
 *'if.\KL. Four male, two female ! 
 teis. I'rice, 545 < >i;ts. 
 
 A DRAMA ix FIVK Arrs. 
 Trai isla ted by C LA il A 1 
 Five male, three 
 
 Pri;e, 35 cents. 
 
 AN ENEMY OF SOCIETY. 
 
 THE WILD DUCK. 
 
 THE YOUNG MEN'S LEAGUE. 
 
 ix female character:-. 
 
 HEDDA GABLER. [ 
 
 A PLAY IN ! 
 
 ]S'iae male, two female 
 
 Price, ^5 
 
 A DRAMA TV FIVE .\<TS. T: 
 M AVELINO. Twelve male, ' 
 characters. J'i-ire, X.~, vents. 
 
 A PLAY IN Ft\ 
 Translated by i: 
 
 \K1MIF.N. 'l\velv<; 
 
 J'rice, 35 cents. 
 
 A DRAMA IK 
 
 Kl.MlN!' 
 
 chant' 
 
 KR A- 
 
 Three male. 
 
 Translated by 
 
 
 THE MASTER BUILDER. 
 
 icters. 
 
 A PLAY IN TIIKKI, /K-TS. '! 
 
 i: and WIL- 
 
 LIA.M .\Hinr.R. Four male, three 
 Price, 5O cents.