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T Jf '
ADVENT
O F
Peregrine Pickl
In which are included,
F A
LADY OF overtaken by a Jlorm ; /j /ar-
prifcJ with the appearance of Pipes ; lands at Cal;:i.;,
and has an affair tvitb the ijjicsrs of the cujiom-houfe,
CARCE hid the vslfc! proceeded two leases
on l ^ e P ? -^ a o c ' when the wind ftirting, blew
directly in their teeth ; fo thai; th.~
obliged to haui upon a wiiid, "and alcer thc/ir
cour fe. The fea running pretty hi|h at the
f ; .:r,e tiine, our herp, who was below in his cabbi,:
to be fqueamilh, and in con'eqiience of the fkipper's ad-
a treatife an the Cycloid, with algebraical cemonilrati-
ons, which never Ikilcd to engage his imagination in the
nioft agreeable manner.
In the mean time the wind.increaied to a very hard
gale, the vefiel pitched with gre.u violence, the Tea w: iL-
ed over the decks, the matter was alarmed, the crew
onrbunded, the palfengers were overwhelmed with
and univerfal dillracllon enfued. In
111 or' this uproar. Peregrine holding fail by 'the
rA Ijokiiig rueiully ah Lad, the- countenance of
Pr:.;s pix/j.-icd if.'.lf" to hi-; :-ti;ouillied vic\v, riiin? rs i<
VOL. If. B WC re
' 2 The ADVENTURES of
were from the hold of the (hip. At firft he imagined it
was a fear-formed fliadow of his own brain ; though he
did not long remain in this error, but plainly perceived
that it was no other than the real perfon of Thomas,
xvho jumping on the quarter-deck, took charge of the
helm, and dilated to the failors with as much authority
as if he had been commander of the /hip. The (kipper
looked upon him ?s an angel fent to his affirtance, and
the crew foon diicovering him to be a thorough-bred
feaman, notwithfrancing his livery frock, obeyed his or-
ders with/uch alacrity that in a little time the confufion
vanished, and every neceflary ftep taken to weather the
gale.
Our young gentleman immediately conceived the mean-
ing of Tom's appearance on board, and when the tumult
was a little fubfided, went up and encouraged him to exert
himfelf for the prefervation of the fliip, promifmg to
take him again into his fervice, from which he fhould
never be clilmiiTed, except at his own defue. This af-
furance had a furprifing erFefl upon Pipes, who, though
he made no manner of replv, thruft the helm into the
maker's hand, faying, " Here, you old bum-bont wo-
man, take hold of the tiller, and keep her thus, boy
thus;" and (kipped about the veflel, trimming the fails,
and managing the ropes with fuch agility and (kill, that
every body on deck ftood amazed at his dexterity.
Mr. Joker was far from being unconcerned at the un-
common motion of the veiTel, the finging 01" the wind,
and the uproar which he heard above him ; he looked
towards the cabbin-door with the moft fearful expecta-
tion, in hope of feeing fome perfon who could give fome
account of the weather, and what was doing upon deck ;
but not a foul appeared, and he was too well acquainted
with the diipolition oi his own bowels to make the leaft
alteration in his attitude. When he had lain a good
while in all the agony of fufpence, the boy tumbled head-
long into his apartment with fuch noife, that he believed
the mad had gone by the board, and itaiting upright in
hi* bed, afked with all the fymptoms of horror, what was
tlu cau.e of that dhlurbance ? The hoy, half dunned
by his fall, anf.vered in a dolorous tone, " I'm come to
put u[ the dead-lights." At mention o;Vead-lights, the
meaiiing of which he tlid not underuand, the poor gover-
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 3
nor's heart died within him; he fhivered v/ith defpair.
His recollection forfaking him, he fell upon his knees in
the bed, and fixing his eyes upon the book which was in
his hand, began to pronounce aloud, with great fervor,
*' The time of a compleat ofcillation in the cycloid, is to
the time in which a body would fall through the axis of
the cycloid DV, as the circumference of a circle to Its
diameter " He would in all likelihood have proceeded
with the demonstration of this propofition, hau he not
been feized with fuch a qualm as compelled him to drop
the book, and accommodate himfelf to the immergency
of his diftemper ; he therefore ftretched himfelr at lull
length, and putting up ejaculations to heaven, began to
prepare himfelf for his latter end, when all ofaludden
the noife above was intermitted j and as he could not con~
ceive the caufe of this tremendous filence, he imagined
that either the men were wafhed overboard, or -that def-
pairing of fafety, they had ceafed to oppofe the temped.
While he was harrowed by this mifeiable incertaiaty,
which, however, v/as not altogether unenlightened by
fome fcattered rays of hope, the mafter entered the cab-
bin: then he alked with a voice half extinguished by fear,
how matters went upon deck ? and the (kipper, with
a large bottle of brandy applied to his mouth, anfwered
in a hollow tone, " All's over now, mailer." Upon,
which Mr. Jolter, giving himielf over lor loll, exclaimed
with the ucuiolt horror, " Lord, have mercy upon us !
Chi ill, have mercy upon us !" and repeated this fup- "
plication as it were mechanically, until the maier un-
deceived him, by explaining the meaning of what he
had laid, and allu.mg him that the Iquall was over.
Such a (udden traafuion from fear to j y, accafioned
a violent rtgtiation borh in his mine!, and bodv ; and it
was a iull quarter o an hour before he recovered the
right ufe of his organs. By this time the weather cleared
up, the wind b_gr.c trouble of fuch a needlefs precaution.
CHAP,
8 The ADVENTURES of
C"H A P. xxxvi.
He makes a fruitlefs attempt in gallantry ; departs for
Boulogne, where he fptnds the evening with certain
Englifli exiles.
HAVING thus yielded to the hand of power,
he inquired if there was any other Englifh company
in the houfe ; when underftanding that a gentleman and
lady lodged in the next apartment, and had befpoke a
poll chaife for Paris, he ordered Pipes to ingratiate him-
felf with their footman, and, if poflible, learn their
names and condition, while he and Mr. Jolter, attended
by the lacquey, took a- turn round the ramparts, and
viewed the particulars of the fortification.
Tom was fo fuccefsful in his inquiry, that when his
mafter returned, he was able to give him a very fatisfac-
tory account of his fellow-lodgers, in confequence of
having treated his brother with a bottle of wine. The
people in quertion were a gentleman and his lady, lately
arrivsd from England, in their way to Paris. The huf-
band was a man of good fortune, who had beed a liber-
tine in his youth > and a profefled declaimer againft ma-
trimony. He wanted neither fenfe or experience, and
piqued himfelf in particular upon his art in avoiding the
lhares of the female fex, in which he pretended to be
deeply verfed. But, notwith landing all his caution and
(kill, he had lately fallen a facrafice to the attractions of
an oyfter wench, who had found means to decoy him
into the bands of wedlock ; and, in order to evade the
compliments and congratulations of his friends and ac-
quaintance, he had come fo far on a tour to Paris, where
he intended to initiate his r poufe in the beau-monde. In
the mean time he cbofe to live upon the referve, becaufc
her natural talents had as yet received but little cultivati-
on j and he had not the molt implicit confidence in her vir-
tue and dit'cretion, which, it fee*ns, had like to have
yielded to the addrefles of an officer at Canterbury, who
had made fhift to infinuate himfelf into her acquaintance
and favour.
Peregrine's curiofity being inflamed by this informati-
on, he lounged about the yard, in hopes of feeing the
Dulcinea who had captivated the old b.itchelor, and at
length obferving her at a window, took the liberty of
bowing
FE R E G R I N E P I C K L E. 9
bowing to her with great refpefl. She returned the
compliment with a curtTie, and appeared fo decent in
her dre's and manner, that unlefs he had been prcvioufly
informed of her former life and conversation, he never
would have dreamt that her education was different from
that of other ladies of faihion f fo eafy it is to acquire that
external deportment on which people of condition value
thetnfelves fo much. Not but that Mr. Pickle pretended
to ditlinguifli a certain vulgar audacity in her counte-
nance, which in a lady of birth and fortune would have
palled for, an agreeable. vivacity that enlivens the afpecl:,
and gives a poignancy to every feature: but, as fhe pof-
feiTeda pair of fine eyes, and a clear complexion over-
fpread with the glow of health, which never fails of re-
commending the owner, he could not .help gazing at her
with defire, and forming the defign of making a conquefL
of her heart. With this view, he fent his compliments
to her hufband, \vhofe name was Hornbeck, with an in-
timation, that he propofed to fet out next day for Paris,
and as he underftood that he was relolved upon the
fame journey, he fhould be extremely glad of his compa-
ny, ou.the road, if he was not better engaged. Horn-
beck, who in all probability did not chufe to accommo<-
date his wife with a fquire of our heroe's appearance,
fent a civil anfwer to this meffage, profefling infinite
mortification at his being unable to embrace the favour
of this kind offer, by reafon of the indilpofition of his
wife, who, he was afraid, would not be in a condition
for fome days to bear the fatigue of travelling. This
rebuff, which Peregrine atcribed to .the hufband's jealoufy,
ftified his project in embrio ; he ordered his French fer-
vant to take a place for himlelf in the Diligence, where
all his luggage was flowed, except a fmall trunk with
fome linen and other neceifaries that was fixed upon the
poll chaife which they hired of the landlord ; and early
next morning he and Mr. Jolter departed from Calais,
attended by his valet de chambre'and Pipes on borfeback.
They proceeded without any accident as far as Boulogne,
where they breakfailed and vifited old father Graham, a
Scpttiih gentleman of the governor's acquaintance, who
had lived as a capuchin in that place tor the Ipace of
threefcore years, and during that period conformed to
all. the .aufteritjcs of the order, with the mod rigorous
exa&neft
10 The A r> v 5s w T u R t s o/
exaftnefs ; being equally ;semarkable for the franknefs of
his converfation, the humanity of his cifpofition, and
the fimplicity of his manners.. From Boulogne they took
their departure about noon, and as they propofed to
fleep that night at Abbe \ ille, commanded the poirilion
to drive with extraordinary fpeed. Perhaps it was well
for his cattle that the axle-tree gave way, and the chaife
of courfe overturned before they had travelled one third
part of the ftage.
This accident compelled them to return to the place
irom whence they had fet out, and as they could not
procure another cjnvenience, they found themlelves un-
der the neceffity or flaying till their chaife could be re-
fitted. Understanding that this operation would detain
them a whole day, our young gentleman had recourfe
to his patience, and demanded to know what they could
have lor c.inner ; the garden, or waiter thus queilioned,
vani/hed in a moment, and immediately they were iurprized
with the appearance of a ftrange figure, which from the
extravagance of its drefs and gueiliculation, Peregrine
nmlook for a madn^n of the growth of France. This
phanfov,e (which, by the bye, happened to be no other
than the cook) was a tall, long-legged, meagre, fwarthy
fellow, that iloopeu very much ; his cheek-bones were
remarkably raiiec, his no!e bent into the fhape and fize
of a powder-horn, and the lockets of his eyes a8*avc
rouna the edges, as if the flun had been pared oft'. On
his head he wore an handkerchief which had once been
white, and now ferved to cover the upper part of a black
p^e-iwig, to which was attached a bag, at lea ft a foot
Iquare, with a io'itf.iie and role that ftuck upon each
fk c to HSR car ; fo that he looked like a criminal in the
piilory. His back w?.s accommodated with a linen waiH-
coat, hia haiKs adorned with long ruffles of the fame
1\<- r . c, his middle was girded by an apron tucked up,
that it might not conceal his white lilk itockings rolled ;
and at his entrance he brandifhcd a bloody weapon full
three fett in length. Peregrine, when he firft law him
approach in this menacing attitude, put himfeli upon
his gu:,rc , hut being informed o/ his quality, perufed his
bill of fa e, and having befpoke three or four things for
dinner, walked out with Mr. Joker to view both towns,
wlucb they had not leifure to confider minutely before.
\ Ia
PEREGRINE
a e. ckle , who was
an *
: he
unblenufhed
/h the agreeable office of eoL? '**
tion
s own rae vti rant - mprecaons. s companons,
ith a view of be.grniing his 1'c.rrow, and rnanifeftin'g
heir o , at the fame time, changed the to-
ic of difcourfe, am! circulated the bume-s with 'reat
1 2 The A D V "E v T u R E s e/*
ti.v-i Yv-l-irh could give the Jeaft offence; not but that they
I d their o\vn fituation, which cut them off from
ail their deareft connexions, an'' 5 doomed them to perpe-
tual banifhment from their families and friends : but they
-did not even by the moft oi *ant hint, impeach the jufr
' tice of tl;at feriU nee by whkh they were condemned ; al-
though ^ne an.0/:^ thV.", who feemcd to be about the
ageot tliity, wept bivterrv over his n is ortune, which
had involved a bv. : cvcd v.i e -and three children in mifery
and ci'irefs ; and in the impatience of his grief, curfed
his own rate v'tli franti - imprecations. His companions,
with
th
pic of difcourfe, am! circulated the bumpe-s with 'great
all'-ciii': ; 1o tl v.l' their cares were overwhelmed and
'forgotten,' ' fev. ; 1 (.idling French catches were fung,
and mirth and good fellowinjp prevailed.
In the iindO' of this elevation, -which commonly un-
locks the moft hidden fentlment, and (.ii^el? every confi-
de- a-ion of caution and conftraht, one of the entertain-
ers being more intoxicated than his fellows, proposed a
toaft, to which Peregrine with forne warmth ercepted, as
an unmannerly inn^'t. The other maintained his propofi-
,'tion with indecent heat, and the difpute beginning to
gr7w \ery ferious, the comp^ry in'erpofed, and gave
ju.'gmsnt againfl their friend, who was fo keenly re-
proachied and rebuktrf for his impolite behaviour, that he
re-'rcd in high diuigcon, threatning to relinquifh their
ibcJ2fv. ing J'.tiii wi;h *he appellation of apo'f-
tat..s 'from the common C^.U'L-. .Mortiaed ^t the behavi-
our of their companion, thofe that remained were ear-
;!es to their guslis, whom they be-
" fought to forgive his intemperance; affuring them \vi-Ji
gieac confidence, thr.t he would upon the-recover
reftecliion wait upon them in perfcn, and afk pardon for
the umbrage be had given. Pickle was fatistied \vlth
their ren.oaflrancep, returned his good htimour, and the
r.ight being pretty far advanced, refi' n ' d r il l'?ci;
tunities vvi'cn which he was intreatcol to fee another bot-
tle go round > and was efcorted to his own i
than half feas over. Next morning about eijiit
he vas v. ;-kcd by his valet de char bre, who told M-n iv. :
two 2?, to the ufpeakable enjoyment of Peregrine and
the ladv, who laughed themielves almoft into convui-
l:ons at the joke. Hornbeck, confounded at the mil-
take he had committed, begged pardon of the injured
t\:tcr with great contrition, proteiling that the blow he
had fo unfortunately received, was intended for an ugly
cur, which he thought had polled himfelf under the table.
It was lucky for him that there was actually a dog in the
room, to juftify this excufe, v/hich Joker admitted with
the tears running over his cheeks, and the ceconomy of
the table was recompofed.
As foon, however, as the ftrangers could with de-
cency withdraw, this fufpicious hulband took his leave
of the youth, on pretence of being fatigued with his jour-
ney, after having, by way of compliment, propofed that
theylihould travel together next day; and Peregrine hand-
ed the lady to her chamber, where he wiihed her good
night with another warm fqueeze, which fhe returned.
This favourable hint made his heart bound with a tranf-
port of joy ; he lay in wait for an opportunity of decla-
ring himfelf, and feeing the hufband go down into the
yard with a candle, glided foftly into his apartment,
where.
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 17
where he found her almoft undrefled. Impelled by the
rmpetuofity of his paflion, which was ftill more infi m.-d
by her prefent lufcious appearance, and encourag d by
the approbation fhe had already exprefled, he ran to\va ris
her with eagernefs, crying, " Zounds'! madam, your
charms are irrefiftible !" and without further ceremony
would have clafped her in his arms, had not fhe begged
him for the love of God to retire, for fhould Mr. HJI n-
beck return and find him there, fhe would be undone
for ever. He was not ib blinded by his paffion but that
he faw the reafonablenefs of her fear, and as he could
not pretend to crown his wifhes at that interview, he
avowed himfelf her lover, aflured her that he would ex-
hauffc his whole invention- in finding a proper opportu-
nity for throwing himfelf at her feet ; and in the mean
time he raviihed fundry fmall favours, which flie in the
hurry of her fright could not withhold from his impu-
dence ofaddrefs. Having thus happily fettled the preli-
minaries, he withdrew to his own chamber, and fpent
the whole night in contriving ftratagems to elude thejea-
lous caution of his fellow-traveller.
CHAP. XXXVIII.
They fet out in company, breakfttft at Abbe Viile, dins at
Amiens, and about eleven o'clock arrive at Chantiliy
where Peregrine executes a plan which be bad concert'
ed upon Hornbeck.
THE whole company by agreement rofe and de-
parted before day, and breakfatted at Abbe Ville,
where they became acquainted with the finefie of their
Bernay landlord, who had impofed upon them, in affirm-
ing that they would not havebeen admitted after the gates
were fhut. From thence they proceeded to Amiens,
where they dined and were pcftered by begging friars ;
and the roads being deep, it was eleven o'clock at night
before they reached Chantilly, where they found fup-
per already drefied, in confequence of having difpatched
the valet de chambre before them on horleback.
The conftitution of Hornbeck being very much im-
paired by a life of irregularity,' he found hiinfjglr' fo fa^
tigued with this day's journey, which amounted to up-
wards of an hundred miles, that when he fat down at
table, he could i"c;uce fit upright; and in lefs than three
C 3 minutes
1 8 The ADVENTURES of
minutes began to nod in his chair. Peregrine, who hvnT
forefeen and provided for this occafion, advifed him to.
exhilarate hia fpiriis with a glafs of wine ; and the pro-
pofal being embraced, tipt his valet de chambre the wink,,
who, according to the inrtruftions he had received,
qualified the Burgundy with thirty drops of laudanum,,
which this unfortunate hufband fwallowed in one glafs.
The dofe co-operating with his former drowfinefs, lulled
him fo faft afleep., as it were inftantaneoufly, that it was
(bund necefTary to convey him to his own chamber,
where his footman undrefled and put him to bed. Nor
was Jolter (naturally of a fluggilh difpofition) able to re-
fill his p.ropenfity to deep, without fuffering divers.
Ureadful.ya.wns., whfch encouraged his pupil to adminif-
ter the fame dofe to him, which had opperated fo fuc-
cefsfully upon the other Argus. This cordial had not
inch a gentle effect upon the rugged organs of Jolter as
upon the more delicate nerves of Hornbeck ; but difco-
vered itfelf in certain involuntary ftartings, and convul-
five motions in the mufcles of his face ; and when his
nature at length yielded to the power of this medicine,
he founded the trumpet fo loud through, his noftrils, that
our adventurer was afraid the noife would wake his other
patient, and confequently prevent the accomplifhtnent
of his aim. The governor was therefore committed to
the care of Pipes, who lugged him into the next room,
and having ftripped off his cloaths, tumbled him into his
nell, while the two lovers remained at fuil liberty. to in-
dulge their mutual paffion.
Peregrine, in the knpatiery:e of his inclination, would
have finilhed the fate of Hornbeck immediately ; but his
inamorata uifapproved of his intention, and reprefented
*hat their being together by themfelves for any length of
time, would be obferved by her fervant, who was kept
.57 a fpy upon her actions ; fo that they had recourfe to-
another fcheme, which was executed in this manner :
He conduifcd her into her own apartment, in prefence
-
racle, counterfeited the utmoft agitation of teiror and
furprize. Mean while, Hornbeck being awaked by the
repeated efforts of his man, no fooner underftood that
his wife was miffing, than all the chimera's of jealoufy
taking polFeflion of his imagination, he ftarted up in a
Ibrt of frenzy, and matching his fword, flew ftraight to
Peregrine's chamber, where, though he found not th?t
wbicb. he. looked for, he unluckily perceived an under-
petticoat,
20 The ADVENTURES of
petticoat, which his wife had forgot in the hurry of her
retreat. This difcovery added fuel to the flame of his
refentment. He feized the fatal proof of his difhonour,
and meeting his fpoufe in his return to bed, prefented it
to her view, faying, with a moft expreflive countenance,
" Madam, you have dropped your under-petticoat in
the next room." Mrs. Hornbeck, who inherited from
nature a moft admirable prefence of mind, looked ear-
neftly at the object in queftion, and with incredible fe-
renity of countenance, affirmed that the petticoat muft
belong to the houfe, for (he had none fuch in her poflef-
ilon. Peregrine who walked behind him, hearing this
aflervation, immediately interpofed, and pulling Horn-
t>eck by the fleeve into his chamber, " Gads-zooks! faid
he, what bufmefs had you with that petticoat ? Can't
you let a young fellow enjoy a little amour with an inn-
keeper's daughter, without expofing his infirmities to
your wife ? Pfliaw ! that's fo malicious, becaufe you
have quitted thefe adventures yourfelf, to fpofl the fport
of other people:" The poor hulband was fo confounded
at the effrcritery of his wife, and this cavalier declarati-
on of the young man, that his faith began to waver;
he diftrufted his own confcious diffidence ef temper,
which that he might not expofe, he exprefied no doubts
of Peregrine's veracity, but afking pardon for the miftake
iie had committed, retired. He was not yet fatisfied
with the behaviour of his ingenious helpmate, but on
the contrary determined to inquire more minutely into
the circumftances of this adventure ; v/hich turned out
fo little to his fatisfadtion, that he ordered his fervant
to get every thing ready for his departure by break of
tiayj and when our adventurer rofe next morning, he
found that his fellow travellers were gone above three-
hours, though they had agreed to ftay all the forenoon,
with a view of feeing the prince of Conde's palace, and
to proceed all together for Paris in the afternoon.
Peregrine was a little chagrined, when he underftood
that he was fo fuddenly deprived of his untafted morfel j
and Jolter could not conceive the meaning of their abrupt
and uncivil difappearance, which, after many profound
conjectures, he accounted for, by fuppofing that Horn-
beck was fome iharper who had run away with an heirefs,
whom
P ER EGRINE PICKLE. 21
whom he found it necefiary to conceal from the inquiry
of her friends.
The pupil, who was well afiured of the true motive,,
allowed his governor to- enjoy the triumph of his owa
penetration, and confoled hiaifelf with the hope of fee-
ing his D'ulcinea again at fome of the public places in
Paris, which he propofed to frequent. Thus comforted,
he vifited the magnificent ftables and palace of Chantilly,
and immediately after dinner fet out for Paris, where
they arrived in the evening, and hired apartments at an
hotel in the Fauxbourg St. Germame, not far from the
playhoufe.
C H & P. XXXIX.
He is in*vol dear Emilia,
to whom he repeated all his former vows of conftancy
and love.
The next care that ingrofled him was that of befpeakr
ing feveral fuits of cloaths fuitable to the French mode,
and in the mean time he never appeared abroad, except
in the Englifh corTee-houfe, where he foon became ac-
quainted with fome of his own countrymen, who were
at Paris on the fame footing with himfelf. The third
evening after his journey, he was engaged in a party of
thofe young fparks, at the houfe of a noted Traiteur,
whofe wife was remarkably handlbme, and otherwife ex-
tremely well qualified for alluringcuftomers to her houfe.
To this lady our young gentleman was introduced as a
ftranger frefh from England ; and he was charmed with
lier perfonal accompli(hments, as well as with the free-
dom and gaiety of her converfation. Her frank deport-
ment perfuaded him that flie was one of thofe kind crea-
tures, who granted favours to the beft bidder ; on this
fuppofition he began to be fo importunate in his addref-
fes, that the fair Burgeoife was compelled to cry aloud
in defence of her own virtue. Her hufband ran imme-
diately
22 The ADVENTURES of
diately to her afliftance, and finding her in a very alarm-
ing fituation, he flew upon her ravifher with fuch fury,
that he was fain to quit his prey, and turn againft the
exnfperated Traiteur, whom he punifhed without mercy
for his impudent intrufion. The lady feeing her yoke-
fellow treated with fo little refpeft, efpoufed his caufe,
and fixing her nails in his antagonists face, fcaiified all
one fide of his nofe. The noife of this encounter brought
all the fervants of the houfe to the refcue of their maf-
ter, and Peregrine's company oppofmg them, a general
battle endued, in which the French were totally routed,
the wife infulted, and the hufband kicked down ftairs.
The publican, enraged at the indignity which had
been offered to him and his family, went out into the
flreet, and implored the protection of the guet or city
guard, which having heard his complaint, fixed their
bayonets and furrounded the door, to ihe number of
twelve or fourteen. The young gentlemen rlulhed with
their fuccefs, and confidering the foldiers as fo many
London watchmen, whom they had often put to flight,
drew their fwords, and (allied out, with Peregrine at
their head. Whether the guard refpeded them as fo-
reigners, or inexperienced youths intoxicated with liquor,
they opened to right and left, and gave them room to
pafs, without oppofition. This complaifance, which
was the effect of companion, being mifmterpreted by the
Englifh leader, he out of meer wantonnefs attempted to
trip up the heels of the foldier that flood next him, but
failed in the execution, and received a blow on his breaft
with the butt end of a fufll, that made him ftagger feve-
ral paces backward. Fncenfed at this audacious applica-
tion, the whole company charged the detachment hvord
\.\ hand, and after an obftinate engagement, in which di-
vers wounds were given and received, every foul of them
was taken, and conveyed to the main-guard. The com-
manding officer being made acquainted with the circum-
fiances of the quarrel, in consideration of their youth and
national ferocity, for which the French make large allow-
ances, fet them all at liberty, after having gently rebuked
them for the irregularity and infolence of their conduct : fo
that all our hero acquired by his gallantry and courage,
was a number of fcandalous marks upon his vifage, that
- confined him a whole week to his chamber. It was im-
potable
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 23
poflible to conceal this difafter from Mr. Jolter, who
having obtained intelligence of the particulars, did not
fail to remonftrate againft the raflinefs of the adventure,
which he obferved, mutt have been fatal to them,
had their enemies been other than Frenchmen, who of
all people under the fun, mofl rigoroufly obferve the
laws of hofpitalitv.
As the governor's acquaintance lay chiefly among Irifh
and English priefts, and a fet of low people, who live by
making themfelves necefTasy to ftrangers, either in teach-
ing the French language, or executing fmall commifllons
with which they are intrufted, he was not the moil pro-
per perfon in the world for regulating the tafte of a
young gentleman who travelled for improvement, in ex-
pectation of making a figure one day in his own country.
Being confcious of his own incapacity, he contented
himfelf with the office of fteward, and kept a faithful
, account of all the money that was difburfed in the courfe
of their family expcnce : not but that he was acquainted
with all the places which were vifited by ftrangers on
their firft arrival at Paris ; and knew to a Hard what was
-commonly given to the Swifs of each remarkable hotel ;
though, with refpeft to the curious painting and ftatuary
that every where abound in that metropolis, he was
more ignorant than the domeuic that attends for a livre
a day.
In fhort Mr. Jolter could give a very good account of
the ftages on the road, and fave the expence of Antoni-
ni's detail of the curiofities in Paris ; he was a connoif-
feur in ordinaries, from twelve to fiye and thirty livres,
knew all the rates of a Fiacre and Remife, could diipute
with a Tailleur or Traireur upon the articles of his bill,
and fcolds the fervants in tolerable French. But the
laws, cuftoms and genius of the people, the characters
of inJividuals, and fcenes of poliihed life, were fubj efts
which he had neither opportunities to obferve, inclina-
tion to conlider, nor dilcernment to uiitinguifli. All ars
maxims were the fuggeitions of pedantry and prejudice ;
fo that his perception was obfcured, his judgment biaffed,
his addrefs awkward, and his converfation abfurd and
unentertaining : yet fuch as I have reprefented this tu-
tor, is the greatell part of thofe animals who lead raw
boys about the world, under The denomination of travel-
ling
24 ^be ADVENTURES of
"ling governors. Peregrine, therefore, being perfectly
well acquainted with the extent of Mr. Joker's abilities.,
never dreamt of confulting him in the difpofition of his
conduct, but parcelled out his time according to the
dictates of his own reflection, and the information and
direction of his companions, who had lived longer in
France, and confequently were better acquainted with
the pleafures of the place.
As foon as lie was in a condition to appear a la Fran-
coile, iie hired a genteel chariot by the month, made the
tour of the Luxembourg gallery, Palais Royal, all the
remarkable hotels, churches and celebrated places in
Paris ; viflted St. Cloud, Marli, Verfailles, Trianon,
St. Germain, and Fountainbleau ; enjoyed the -opera,
mafquerades, Italian and French comedy ; and feldom
failed *f appearing in the public walks, in hopes of
meeting with Mrs. Hornbeck, or fome adventure fuited
to his romantic difpofition. He never doubted that his
perfon would attract the notice of fome diftinguiftied in-
amorata, and was vain enough to believe that few female
hearts were able to refift the artillery of his accomplifh-
ments, fliould he once find an opportunity of planting it
to advantage. He prefented himfelf, however, at all
the Speftaclet for may weeks, without reaping the
fruits of his expectation ; and began to entertain a
very- indifferent idea of the French uifcernment, which
had overlooked him fo long, when one day in his way to
the opera, his chariot was flopped by an embarras in the
ftreet, occafioned by two peafarts, who having driven
their carts againft each other, quarrelled, and went to
loggerheads on the Ipot. Such a rencounter is fo un-
common in France, that the people fiiut up their fhops,
and from their w'indows threw cold \vater upon the com-
batants, with a .view of putting an end to the battle,
which was maintained with gieat fury and very little
(kill, until one of them receiving an accidental fall, the
other took the advantage of this misfortune, and faften-
ing upon him as he lay, began to thump the pavement
with his head. Our hero's equipage being detained clofe
by the field of this contention, Pipes could not bear to
fee the laws of boxing fo fcandaloufly tranfgreiTed, and
leaping from his ftation, piUed the offender from his
antagouift, whom he laifed up, and in the Englifh lan-
guage,
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 25
guage, encouraged to a fecond efTay, inftrufting him at ,"
the fame time, by clenching his fills according to art,
and putting himfelf in a proper attitude. Thus confirm-
ed, the enraged carman fprung upon his foe, and in all
appearance would have effectually revenged the injury he
had fuftained, if he had not been prevented by the in-
terpofition of a lacquey belonging to a nobleman, whofc;
coach was obliged to halt in confequence of the difpute.
This footman, who wasdiitinguifhed by a cane, defcend-
ing from his pott, without the leaft ceremony or expo;-
tulation, began to employ his weapon upon the head and
fhoukiers of the peafant who had been patronifed by
Pipes ; upon which Thomas refenting luch ungenerous
behaviour, bellowed fuch a ftomacher upon the orlkious
intermeddler, as difcouipofed the whole oeconomy of his
entrails, and obliged him to difcharge the interjection ah !
with demonstrations of great anguifh and~amazemerir.
The other two footmen who flood behind the coach, fee-
ing their fellow fervant fo infolcntly aflaulted, flew to
his affitlance, and rained a moil difagreeble fhower upon
the head of his aggrelTbr, who had no means of diversion
or defence. Peregrine, though he did not approve of
Tom's conduct, could not bear to fee him fo roughly
handled, efpecially as he thought his own honour con-
cerned in the fray, and therefore quitted his machine,
came to the refcue of his attendant, and charged his ad-
verfaries fword in hand. Two of them no (boner per-
ceived this reinforcement, than they betook themfelves
to flight ; and Pipes having twitted the cane out of the
hands of the third, belaboured him fo unmercifully, that
our heio thought proper to interpofe his authority in his
behalf. The common people ftood aghaft at this unpre-
cedented boldnefs of Pickle, who under landing that the
perfoa whofe fervants he had difclplined, was a general
und prince of the blood, went up to the coach, and
afked pardon for what he had done, imputing his own be-
haviour to his ignorance of the other's quality. The old
nobleman accepted of his apology with great politenels,
thanking him for the trouble he had taken to reform the
manners of his dometticks ; and gueilingfrom our youth's
appearance that he was fome ftranger of condition, very
courteously invited him into the coach, on thj fuopofi-
tion that they \vere both oing to the opera. Pickle
VOL. II. D " g! ;u :iy
26 The ADVE TURES -of
ladly embraced this opportunity of becoming acquainted
with a perfon of fuch rank, and ordering his own cha-
riot to follow, accompanied the count to his loge, where
he converfed with him during the whole entertainment.
He foon perceived that Peregrine was not deficient in
fpirit or fenfe, and feemed particularly pleafed with his
engaging manner and eafy deportment, qualifications for
which the Englifh nation is by no means remarkable in
France, and therefore the more confpicuous and agreea-
ble in the character of our hero, whom the nobleman
carried home that fame evening, and introduced to his
lady, and feveral perfons of faflion who fupped at his
liouie. Peregrine was quite captivated by their affable
behaviour and the vivacity of their difcourfe; and after
having been honoured with particular marks of confider-
ation, took his leave, fully determined to cultivate fuch
a valuable acquaintance.
His vanity fuggefled, that now the time was come
when he fhould profit by his talents among the fair fex,
on whom he refolved to employ his utmoft art and ad-
drefs. With this view he affiduoufiy engaged in all par-
lies to which he had scc^fs, by means of his noble friend,
who let flip no opportunity of gratifying his ambition.
He for fome time fhared in all his amufements, and
was entertained in many of the beft families of France ;
but he did not long enjoy that elevation of hope which
had flattered his imagination. He foon perceived that
it would be impolTible to maintain the honourable con-
nexions he had made, without engaging every day at
quadrille, or in other words, lofing his money ; for every
perfon of rank, whether male or female, was a profefTed
gamefter, who knew and praclifcd all the fineffe of the
art, of which he was intirely ignorant. Befides, he be-
gan to find himfelf a meer novice in French gallantry,
which is fupported by an amazing volubility of tongue,
tin obfeqxiious and incredible attention to trifles, a fur-
prifing faculty of laughing out of pure complaifance, and
a nothins;nef3 of converfation, which he could never at-
tain. In fhort, OUT hero, who among his o->vn country-
; men would have patted for a fprightly entertaining fellow,
was confidered in the brilliant aflemblies of France ?s a
youth of a very phlegmaticfe difpofuion. No wonder
then thnt his pride was ir.ortiikd ut hi: own v.T.nt of im-
PEREGRINE PICKLE.
portance, which he did not fail to afcribe to their de-
fect in point of judgment and tafte : he conceived a dif-
guft at the mercenary conduft, as well as the fhallow
intellects of the ladies; and after he had fpent fome
months, and a round fome of money, in fruitlefs atten-
dance and addretfes, he fairly quitted the purfuit, and
confoled himfelf with the conversation of a merry Fills d?
joye, whofe good graces he acquired by an allowance of
twenty Louis per month. That he might the more eafily
afford this expence, he difmiffed his chariot and French
lacquey at the fame time.
He then entered himfelf in a noted academy, in order
to fmilh his exercifes, and contracted an acquaintance
with a few fenfible people, whom he diilinguifhed at the
coffee-houfe and ordinary to which h'ereforted, and who
contributed not a little to the improvement of his know-
ledge and tafte ; for, prejudice apart, it muft be owned
that France abounds with men of confummate honour,
profound fagacity, and the mod liberal education. From
the converfation of fuch, he obtained a diitinct idea of
their government and conftrtution ; and though ho could
not help admiring the excellent order and oceconomy of
their police, the refult of all his inquiries was felt-con-
gratulation on his title to the privileges of a Britiih fub-
ject. Indeed this invaluable birthright was rendered
confpicuous by fuch flagrant- occurrences, which fell eve-
ry day almoft under his observation, that nothing but
the grofleft prejudice could ciifpute its exiftence.
CHAP. XL.
Acquires a dlftinS idea of the French government ; quar-
rels luiih a moufquetaire, -whom As afterwards fghts
a nd 'vanquijhes, after bailing punifked him for inter-
fering in his amorous recreations.
AMONG many other inftances of the fame nature,
I believe it will not be amrfs to exhibit a few fpe-
cimens of their adminiilration, which happened during
his abode at Paris, that thole who have not the oppor-
tunity of obferving for themfelves, or are in danger of
being influenced by mifreprefentation, may compare their
own condition with that of their neighbours, and do
juftice to the conftitution under which they live.
A lady of diflinguiflied character having been lampoon-
ed by fome obfcure fcribkr, who could not be difcovered
the
The ADVENTURES of
the miniftry in confequence of her complaint, ordered no
fewer than five and twenty abbes to be apprehended and
fcnt to the Baftile, on the maxim of Herod, when he
commanded the innocents to be murthered, hoping that
the principal object of his cruelty would not efcape in
the general calamity; and the friends of thofe unhappy
prifoners durft not even complain of the unjuft perfecu-
tion, but fhrugged up their Gioulders, and in filence
deplored their misfortune, uncertain whether or not
they fhould ever fet eyes on them again.
About the fame time, a gentleman of family, who
llad been oppreffed by a certain powerful duke that lived
in the neighbourhood, found means to be introduced to
the king, who receiving his petition very gracioufly, afked
in what regiment he ferved ; and when the memorialift
fnfwered, that he had not the honour of being in the
krvice, returned the paper unopened, and refufed to
hear one circumftarice of his complaint ; fo that, far
from being redreffed, he remained more than ever expo-
fed to the tyranny of his oppreifors : nay, fo notorious is
the difcouragement of all thofe who prefume to live in-
clcpencant of court-favour and connexions, that one of
the gentlemen, whofe friend/Lip Peregrine cultivated,
frankly owned he was in pofTelfion of a moft romantic
place in one of the provinces, and deeply enamoured of
a country life ; and yet he durft not refide upon his own
eftate, left by fiackening in his attendance upon the
great, who honoured him with their protection, he fhould
lull a prey to fome rapacious intendant.
As for the common people, they are fo much inured
to the fcourge and iniblence of power, that every fhabby
fubaltern, every beggarly cadet of the noblefle, every
low retainer to the court, infults and injures them with
impunity. A certain Ecuyer, or horfe-dealer, belonging
to the king, being one day under the hands of a barber,
who happened to cut the head of a pimple on his face,
he ftarted up, and drawing his fword wounded him def-
perately in the ftioulder. The poor tradefman, hurt as
he was, made an effort to retire, and was followed by
this barbarous affaflin, who not contented with the ven-
geance he had taken, plunged his fword a fecond time
into his body, and killed him on the fpot. Having per-
formed this inhuman exploit, he drefled himfelf with
great
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 29
great deliberation, and going to Verfailles, immediately
obtained a pardon for what he had done ; triumphing in
his brutality with fuch infolertce, that the very next
time he had occafion to be fhaved, he fat with his fword
ready drawn, in order to repeat the murder, in cafe the
barber fhould commit the fame miftake. Yet fo tamed
are thofe poor people to fubjeclion, that when Peregrine
mentioned this auaffination to his own trimmer, with
expreflions of horror and deteftation, the infatuated
wretch replied, that without all doubt it was a misfor-
tune, but it proceeded from the gentleman's paflion ; and
obferved by way of encomium on the government, that
fuch vivacity is never punifhed in France.
A few days after this outrage was committed, our
youth,' who 'was a profeffed enemy to all oppreffion,
being in one of the firft loges at the comedy, was eye-
witnefs of an adventure which filled him with indigna-
tion : a tall, ferocious fellow, in the parterre, without
the leaft provocation, but prompted by the meer wan--
tonnefs of pride, took hold of the hat of a very decent
young man who happened to ftand before him, and
twirled it round upon his head. The party thus offend-
ed turned to his- aggreffor, and civilly afked the reafon
of fuch treatment j, but he received no anfwer ; and
when he looked the other v/ay, the infult was repeated :
upon which he expreffed his refentment as became a man
of fpirit, and deiired the offender to walk out with him.
No fooner did he thus fignify his intention, than his ad-
verfary, fwelling with rage, cocked his hat fiercely in his
face, and fixing his hands in his fides, pronounced with
the moft imperious tone, " Harke ye, Mr. Round Peri-
wig, you muft know that I am a moufquetaire." Scarce
had this awful word efcaped from his lips, when the
blood forfook the lips of the poor challenger, who with
the moft abject fubmiilion begged pardon for his prefump-
tion, and with difficulty obtained it, on condition that
he fhould immediately quit the place. Having thus ex-
ercited his authority, he turned to one of his compani-
ons, and with an air of difdainful ridicule, told him he
was like to have had an affair with a Bourgeois; adding,
by way of heightening the irony, " Egad I believe he's a
phyfician."
Our hero \vas fo much fhocked and irritated at this
licentious behaviour, that he could not fupprefs his re-
feat meat
30 Tie ADVENTURES of
fentment, v/hich he manifefted, by faying to this Hector,
" Sir, a phyfician may be a man of honour:" To this
remonftrance, v/hich was delivered with a very infignifi-
cant countenance, the moufquetaire made no other reply
Lut that of ecchoing his aflertion with a loud laugh, m
which he. was joined by his confederates. Peregrine
glowing with refentment, called him a Fanfaron, and
withdrew, in expectation- of being followed into the flreet.
The other unclerftood the hint, and a rencounter muft
have enfued, had not the officer of the guard, who over-
heard what paffed, prevented their meeting, by putting
the moufquetaire immediately under arreft. Our young
gentleman waited at trie door of the partene, until he
\vas informed of this interpofition, and then went home
very much chagrined at his difappointment ; for he was
sin utter ftranger to fear and diffidence on thofe occafions,
find had fet his heart tipon chaftifmg the infolence of this
bully, who had treated him with fuch -dilrefpeSt.
This adventure was not fo private but that it reached
the ears of Mr. Jolter, by the canal of fome Englifh gen-
tlemen who were prefect when it happened ; and the
governor, who entertained a moft dreadful idea of the
inoufquetalres, being alarmed at a quirrd-, the confa-
cuence of which might be fatal to his charge, v/aited en
the Britiih ambnffador, and begged he would take Pere-
grine under his immediate protection. His excellency
having heard the circumftances of the difpute, fent one
of his gentlemen to invite the youth to. dinner.; and after
having affured him that he might depend upon his coun-
tenance and regard, reprefented the raflmefs and inipetu-
cfity of his coiiduft fo much to his conviction, that he
promifed to aft more circumfpectly for the future, and
drop all thoughts of the moufquetaive from that mQ-
Kienc.
A few days after he had taken this laudable refolution,
I : ipes, who had carried a billet to his miftrefs, informed
him, that he had perceived a laced hat lying upon a
marble flab in her apartment ; and that when fhe cam>e
cut of her own chamber to receive the letter, flie ap-
peared in maniteft ditbrder.
From thefe hints of intelligence, our young gentleman
f.rfpccted, cr rarher made no doubt of her infidelity; and
being by this tiir.v vrel! pigh c'oy^d v. uh poffcrtion, was
PEREGRINE PICKLE. jr
not forry to find that (he had given him caufe to re-
nounce her correfpondence. That he might therefore
deleft her in the very breach of duty, and at the fame
time punifh the gallant v/ho had the prefumption to in-
vade his territories, he concerted with himfelf a plan
which was executed in this manner : During his next in-
terview with his Dulcinea, far from difcovering the leaft
fign of jealoufy or difcontent, he affected the appearance
of extraordinary fondnefs ; and after having fpent the
afternoon with the fhew of uncommon fatisfaftion, told
her he was engaged in a party for Fountainbleau, and
would fet out from Paris that fame evening ; fo that he
fhould not have the pleafure of feeing her again for fome
days.
The lady, who was very well verfed in the arts of her
occupation, pretended to receive this piece of news with
great affliction, and conjured him with fuch marks of
real tendernefo, to return as foon as poffible to her long-
ing arms, that he went away almoft convinced of her
fincerity. Determined, however, to profecute his fcheme,
he aftually departed from Paris with two or three gen-
tlemen of his acquaintance, who had hired a Remife for
a jaunt to Verfailles ; and having accompanied them as
far as the village of Pafce, returned in .the dufk of the
evening on foot.
He waited impatiently till midnight", and then arming
himfelf with a cafe of pocket- piftols, and attended by
trufty Tom with a cudgel in his. hand, repaired to the
lodgings ot his fufpected inamorata. Having given Pipes
his cuCi he knocked gently at the door> which was no
foonarcpened by the lacquey than he bolted in, be-
fore the fellow could recollect himfelf from his unex-
pected appearance.; and leaving Tom to guard the door,
ordered the trembling valet to light him up flairs into
his lady's apartment. The firll object that prefented it-
felf to his view, when he entered the antichamber, was
a fword upon the table, which he. immediately feized,
exclaiming in a loud and menacing voice, that his mif-
trefs was falfe, and then in bed with another gallant,
whom he would initantly put to death. This declaration
confirmed by many terrible oaths, he calculated for the
hearing of his rival, who underrtant'in? hi? fanguijiarv
{turpofe, itarted up in great trepidation, and naked as
he
32 We A D V E N T U R E S O/
he was dropped from the balcony into the ftreer, while
Peregrine thundered at the door for admittance ; arid
guefTmg his deflgn, gave him an opportunity of making
this precipitate retreat. Pipes, who ftood centinel at the
door, obferving the fugitive defcend, attacked him with
his cudgel, and fweating him from one end of the ftreet
to the other, at laft committed him to the guet, by
whom he was conveyed to the officer on duty in a molt
difgraceful and deplorable condition.
Mean while, Peregrine having burft open the chamber
door, found the lady in the utmoft dread and confterna-
tion, and the fpoils of her favourite fcattered about the
room : but his refentment was doubly gratified, when he
learnt upon inquiry, that the perfoa who had been fo
difagreeably interrupted, was no other than that indivi-
dual moufquetaire with whom he had quarreled at the
comedy. He upbraided the nymph with her perfidy and
ingratitude, and telling her that flie muft not expert the
continuance of his regard, or the appointments which ihe
had hitherto enjoyed from his bounty, went home to his
dvn lodgings, overjoyed at the itTue of the adventure.
Thefoklter, exafperated at the difgrace he had under-
gone, as well as at the outragious infult of the Englifh
valet, whom he believed his matter had tutored for that
purpofe, no fooner extricated himfelf from the opprobri-
ous fituation he had incurred, than breathing vengeance
againft the author of the affront, he came to Peregrine'^
apartment, and demanded fatisfaction upon the ramparts
next morniag before fun-rile. Our hero allured him, he
would not fail to pay his refpecls to him at the time and
place appointed ; and forefceing that he might be pre-
vented from keeping this engagement by the officious
care of his governor, who faw the moufquetaire come
in, he told Mr. Jolter, that the Frenchman had vifited
himincontequenceofan order ha had received from his fu-
periors, to make an apology for his rude behaviour to him
in the playhoufe, and that they had parted very good
friends. This aflurance, together with Pickle's tran-
quil and unconcerned behaviour thro 1 the day, quieted
the terrors which had begun to take poiTeffion of his tu-
tor's imagination ; fo that the youth had an opportunity
of giving him the fiip at night, when he betook himfeff
to- the lodgings of a friend, whom he engaged as hj's fe-
coud,
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 33
cond, and with whom he immediately took the field, in
order to avoid thefearch which Jolter, upon miffing him,
might fet on foot.
This was a necefTary precaution ; for as he did not ap-
pear at fupper, and Pipes, who ufualiy attended him in
his excurfions, could give no account of his motions, the
governor was dreadfully alarmed at his abfence, and or-
dered his man to run in queft Oi"his mailer to all the pla-
ces which heufed to frequent, while he himfelf went to
the commifiaire, and communicating his fufpicions, was
accommodated with a party of the horfe-guards, who pa-
troled round all the environs of the city, with a view of
preventing the rencounter. Pipes might have directed
them to the lauy, by whofe information they could have
learnt the name and lodgings of the moufquetaire, and if
he had been apprehended, the duel would not have hap-
pened ; but he did not choofe to run t'iQ rifle cf difobli-
ging his mafter, by intermeddling in the affair, and was,
moreover, very defirous that the Frenchman fhould be
humbled ; for he never doubted that Peregrine was more
than a match for any two men in France. In this confi-
dence, therefore, he fought his mafter with great dili-
gence, net with a view of difappointing his intention, but
in order to attend him to the battle, that he might ftand
by him, and fee juftice done.
While this inquiry was carried on, our hero and his
companion concealed themfelves among fome weeds that
grew on tr-e edge of the parapet, a few yards from the
fpot where he had agreed to meet the moufquetaire ; and
ftarce had the morning rendered objects diftinguifhable,
vhen they perceived their men advancing boldly to the
place. Peregrine feeing them approach, fprung forward
to the ground, that he might have the glory of anticipa-
ting his antagonift ; and fwords being drawn, all four were
ingaged in a twinkling. Pickle's eagernefs had well nigh
colt him his life ; for, without minding his footing, he
flew directly to his oppofite, and {tumbling over a ftone,
was wounded on one fide of his head before he could re-
cover his attitude. Far from being difpirited at this
check, it ferved only to animate him the more ; being
endowed with uncommon agility, he retrieved his pof-
ture in a moment, and having parried a fecond thruft,
returned the longe with fuch incredible fpeed, that the
foldiet
54 The ADVENTURES of
foldier had not time to re fa me his guard, but was imme-
diately run through the bend of his right arm ; and the
fword dropping out of his hand, our hero's victory was
compleat.
Having dripatched his own bufinefs, and received the
acknowledgment of his adverfary, who with a look of
infinite mortification obferved, that his was the fortune
of the day, he ran to part the feconds, juft as the weapon
was twilled out of his companion's hand : upon which he
took his place; and, in all likelihood, an obftinate dif-
pute would have enfued, had they not been interrupted
by the guard, at fight of whom the two Frenchmen fcam-
pered off. Our young gentleman and his friend allowed
themfelves to be taken prifoners by the detachment which
had been tent out for that purpofe, and were carried be-
fore the magistrate, who having fharply reprimanded
them for prefuming to aft In contempt of the laws, fet
them at liberty, in confideration of their being ftrangers,
cautioning them at the fame time to beware of fuch ex-
ploits for the future.
When Peregrine returned to his own lodgings, Pipe?
feeing the blood trickling down upon his matter's neck-
cloth and folitaire, gave evident tokens of furprize and
concern, not for the confequences of the wound, which
he did not luppoie dangerous, but for the glory of Old
England, which he was afraid had fuffered in the engage-
ment ; for, he could not help faying, with an air of cha-
grin, as he followed the youth into his chamber, " I do
luppofe as ho\y you gave that lubberly Frenchman as
good as he brought."
CHAP. XLI.
Mr. Jolter threatens to leave him on account of his mif-
conducty lukich he promifes to reftify ; but bis refolutiott
is defeated by the impetuoftty of his pajjlons. He meets
accidentally ixitb Mrs. Hornbeck, luho elopes ivith him
from her hujland, but is reftored by the interpafttion of
the Briti/h ambajjador,
THOUGH Mr. Jolter was extremely well pleafed
at the fafetyof his pupil, he could not forgive him
for the terror and anxiety he had undergone on his ac-
count ; and roundly told him, that notwithftanding the
inclination and attachment he had to his perfon, he wodd
immediately
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 35
immediately depart for England, if ever he fhould hear of"
his being involved in fuch another adventure ; for it could
not be expected that he would facrifice his own quiet,
to an unrequited regard for one who feemed determined
to keep him in continual uneafinefs and npprehenfion.
To this declaration Pickle made anfwer, that Mr. jol-
ter, by this time, ought to be convinced of the attention,
he had always paid to his eafe and fatisfaction ; fince he
well knew that he had-ever looked upon him in the light
of a friend rather than as a counfellor or tutor, and de-
fired his company in France, with a view of promoting
his intereft, not for any emolument he could expect from
ins inftruction. This being the cafe, he was at liberty to
confult his own inclinations with regard to going or ftay-
ing ; though he could not help owning himfelf obliged by
the concern he expreiTed for his fafety, and would endea-
vour, for his own fake, to avoid giving him any caufe of
difturbance in time to'come.
No man was more capable of moralizing upon Pere-
grine's mifconduct fhan himfelf; his reflections were ex-
tremely juft and fagacious, and attended with no other
difadvantage, but that of occurring too late. He pro-
jected a tioufand falutary fchemes of deportment, but,
like other projectors, he never had intereft enough with
the miniftry of his paflions to bring any one of them to
bear. He had, in the heyday of his gallantry, received
a letter from his friend Gauntlet, with a kind poftcript
from his charming Emilia ; but it arrived at a very un-
feafonable juncture, when his imagination was engrofled
by conquefts that more agreeably flattered his ambition-?
fo that he could .not find Jeifure and inclination, from
that day, to honour the correfpondence which he him-
felf had follicited. His vanirv had, by this time, difhp-
proved of the engagement he had contracted in the raw-
nefs and inexperience of youth ; fuggefting, that he was
born" to make fuch an important figure in life, as ought
tc raife his ideas above the confideration of any fuch
meddling connexions, and fix his attention upon objects
of the moft fublime attraction. Thefe dictates of ridicu-
iou; pride had almoft effaced the remembrance of his
amia!>!e mhl'rcfs, or r,t leaft fo far warped his morals and
integrity, that he actually began to conceive hopes of her
altogether unworthy .of liisown character and her deferts.
Mean
36 The ADVENTURES */
Mean while, being deftitute of a toy for the dalliance
of his idle hours, he employed feveral fpies, and almott
every day made a tour of the public places in perfon,
with a view of .procuring intelligence of Mr. Hornbeck,
with whofe wife he longed to have another' interview. In
this courfe of expectation had he exercifed himfelf for a
whole fortnight, when chancing to be at the hofpital of
the invalids with a gentleman lately arrived from.Eng-
land, he no fooner entered the church than he perceived
this lady, attended by her fpoufe, who at fight of our
hero changed colour, and looked another way, in order
to difcourage any communication between them. But
the young man, who was not fo eafily repulfed, advanc-
ed with great afTurance to his fellow-traveller, and tak-
ing him by the hand, exprefTed his fatisfaftion at this
unexpected meeting ; kindly upbraiding him for his pre-
cipitate retreat from Chantilly. Before Hornbeck could
make any reply, he went up to his wife, whom he com-
plimented in the -fame manner, alluring her with ibme
lignificant glances, he was extremely mortified, that flie
had put it out of his power to pay his refpedls to her, on
his firft arrival at Paris j and then turning to her hufoand,
who thought proper to keep clofe to him in this confer-
ence, begged to know -where lie could have the honour
of waiting upon him ; obfervlng a? the fame time, that
he himfelf lived a Tacademie de Palfrenier.
Mr; Hornbeck, without making any apology for his
elopement on thc_road, thanked Mr. Pickle for his com-
plaifance in a very cool and difobliging manner ; faying,
that as he intended to fliift his lodgings in a day or two,
'he could not expeft the pleafure of feeing him, until he
fhould be fettled, when he would call at the academy,
and conduct him to his new habitation.
Pickle, who was not unacquainted with the fentiments
of this jealous gentleman, did not put much confidence
in his proir.ile, and therefore made divers efforts to enjoy
a little private converfation with his wife ; but he was
baffled in all his attempts by the indefatigable vigilance
of her keeper, and reaped no other immediate pleafure
from this accidental meeting, than that of a kind fqueeze
while he handed her into the coach. However, as ho
had been witnefs to fome inftances of her invention, and
was no ftranger to the favourable difpofition of her heart,
he
P n R E G R I N E PICKLE. 37
he entertained fome faint hopes of profiting by her under -
Handing, and was not deceived in his expectation ; for
rhe very next forenoon a Savoyard called at the academy*
?.nd put the following billet in his hand.
Coind Sur,
HEAVING the playfure of rneating with you at the
ofipita? of anviiheads, I take this iubbertea of l;:tin
you kaow, that I latch at the fatlail dt May cong dangle
ro:fuo!i eviderir
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 39
marks of perturbation, anger and impatience, that the
commiflaire could eafily perceive he had no fhare in the
difappcaranraof his wife ; and dirt fled him to the lieute-
nant de police, whofe province it is to take cognizance
of fuch occurrences This gentleman, who pi -.slides over
the city of Paris, having heard the particulars of Horn-
beck's misfdriune, afked if he fufpefted any individual
perfon as Hie feducer of his yoke- fellow ; and. when h,-
mentioned Peregrine as the object of his fufpicion, gra-t-
ed a warrant and a detachment of foldiers, to feaich t^
and retrieve the fugitive.
The bufband conducted them immediately to the aca-
demy where our hero lodged, and having miT!inag;d th;-
whole place, to the aftonifliment of Mr. Jolter, without
finding either his wife or the fuppofecl ravifher, accoin-'
panied them to all the public houfes in the Fnuxbourgh ;
which having examined alfo without fuccefs, he returned
to the magistrate in a ftate of defpair, and obtained a
promife of his making fuch an effectual enquiry, that in
three- days he fliould have an account of her, provided
fHe was alive, and within the walls of Paws.
Our adventurer, who had iorefeen all this difturbar.ee,-
was not at alifurprifed, when his governor told him vvlu.t
had happened ; and being conjured to reftore the woman
to the right owner, with many pathetic reiuonlt ranees
touching the henious fin of adultery, the di!l;aclion of
the unfortunate hufoand, and the danger of incurring the
vefentment of an arbitrary government, which, upon ap-
plication being made, would not fail of efpcufir.g r.le
caufe of the injured. He denied, with great tliVoiue'V,
that he had the leaft corcern in the matter, pretended to
rcfent the deportment of Hornbeck, whom he threatened
to chaftife for his fcandalous fufpicion, and exurefllu his
difpleafure at the credulity of (olter, who feemed to
doubt the veracity of his aneVejation.
Notwithltanding this confiJirnt behaviour, Julter could
not help entertaining doubts of his fincerity ; and vifiting
rhe difconfolate fwain, begged he would, for the honour
of his country, as well as for the fake of his own reputa-
tion, difcontinue his addreiles to the lieutenant de police
and apply to the Britifh ambaflador, who by dint of
friendly admonitions, would certainly prevail upon Mr.
Pickle to do him all the juilice in his power, if he was
E 2 really
4 ^ he ADVENTURES of
really the author of the injury lie had fuil lined. The
governor urged this advice with the appearance of io
much fyijipruhy and concern, pronrfirg to co-operate
with all his influence in his behalr', that Hcrnbeck. em-
braced t!'e propcfal, communicated his pu pofe to the
mag'ftrate. who commended the refolution us the nioft
decent and defuable expedient he could life, and then
wa ; ted upon bis excellency, who readily efpoufed his
caufe, and fending for the young gentleman that farce
evening, read him fuch a lefture in private, as extorted
a conftffion of the whole affair. Not that heaffailcd him
\vith fbwerand fuperciiicus maxims, or fevere rebuke, be-
cr.ufe he had penetration enough to difcefn, that Pere-
grine's difpolition v/as impregnable to all fuch attacks ;
but he firft of al! rallied him upon his intriguing genius,
then, in ar. humorous manner, defended the diftraftion
of the poor cuckold, who he owned was juftly puniflied
for the abfui'dity of his ccnc'ufl ; and laftly, Upon the
fuppofition, that it would be rr> great effort in Pickle- to
part with fuch a concjuefl, cfpecial'y after it had been for
feme time poflefled, rep/efented the nectfiity and expe-
cienty of reflorii'g her, not only cut of legard to his
CV.'.T character, aud tliat of his nation, but alfo with a
view to his eafe, which would in a little time be very
much invaded by fuch an encumbrance, that in all pro-
bability would involve him in a thoufand difficulties and
difgufts. Befides. he allured him, that he was already,
bv older of the lieutenant de police, furrounded with
fpies, who would watch all his motions, and imme-
dtate'y difcovo the retreat in which he had depofited his
prize Thefe arguments, and the frank familiar manner
in which they were delivered, but above all, the laft con-
federation, induced the young gentleman to difclofe th^
whole of his proceedings to the ambaflador, and promifed
to be governed by his direction, provided the lady iliotifd
not fuffer for the ftep flie had taker, but be received by
her hu(band with due reverence and refpeft. Thefe fti-
pulations being agreed to he undertook to produce her
In eight and forty hours ; and taking coach immediately,
drove to the place of her refidence, where he fpcnt i
whole day and night in convincing her of the impofGbi-
lity of their enjoying each other in that manner. Then
returning to Paris, he delivered her into the hands of the
Btwbaflador,
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 4 r
anibafliidor, who having aflured her, that fhe nrght de-
pend upon his friendfhip and protection, in cafe flie fliould
find herfelf aggrieved by the jealous temper of Mr. Horn-
beck, reftoredher to rhc legitimate lord, whom he coun-
fe lied to exempt her from that reftraint which in all pro-
bability, had been the caufe of her elopement, and en-
deavour to conciliate her affe&ion by tender and refpeft-
ful ufage.
The hufband behaved with great humility and com-
pliance, protefting that his chief ftudy ftumld be to con-
trive parties for her pleafure and fatisfaftion. But no fooner
did he regain pofleffion of his ftray flreep, than he locked
her up more clofely than ever; and after having revolved
various fchernes for her reformation, determined to board
her in a convent, under the infpeftion of a prudent ab-
befs, who fliould fuperintend her morals, and recal her
to the paths of virtue, which fhe had forfaken, With-
this view he confulted an Englifli prieft of his acquaint-
ance, who advifed him to fettle her in a monaftery at
Lifle, that /Tie might be as far as poffible from the ma-
chinations of her lover; and gave him a letter of recom-
mendation to the fuperior of a certain convent in that
place, for which Mr. Hornbeck fet out in a fe\v days
with his trouWefome charge.
CHAP. XL11.
Peregrine refotoet to return to England, diverted ivitfr
tht odd charaftert of two of Ms countrymen, u-ith ivhom
he contraSt an acquaintance in tfa aPartntntt of the
Pa/ait Royal.
IN the mean time, our hero received a letter from
his aunt, importing that the commodore was in a tery
declining way, and longed much to fee him at the gar-
rifon ; and at the fame time he heard from his fitter, who
gave him to underftand, that the young gentleman who
had for fome time made his addrtffes to her, was be-
come very prefling in his folicitations ; fd that flie wanted
to know in what manner ftie fhcuid nnfwer his repeated
entreaties. Thefe two confideralions determined tru
young gentlenlan to return to his native country, a refo-
hition that was far from being difsigreeable to Joltec,
who knew that the incumbent on a living v.-hich was ir
ibe gift of Trunnion, was extremely old, and that ir
4S The ADVENTURES of
would be his intereft to be upon the fpot at the fald in-
cumbent's deceafe.
Peregrine, who had refidcd about fifteen months in
France, thought he was now fufficientty qualified for
eclipfing moft of hiscotemporaries in England, and there-
fore prepared for his departure with infinite alacrity,
being moreover inflamed with the moft ardent defire of
revifiting his friends, and renewing his Connexions, parti-
cularly with Emilia, whofe heart he by this time, thought
he was able to reduce on his own terms.
As he propofed to make the tour of Flanders and Hol-
land, in his return to England, he refolved to {lay in Paris
a week or two after his affairs were fettled, in hope of
finding fome agreeable companion difpofed &r the fame
journey ; and in order to refrefh his memory, made a fe-
cond circuit round all the places in that capital, where
any curious production of art is to be feeru In the
courfe of this fecond examination, he chanced to enter
the Palais Royal, jufl as two gentlemen alighted from a
Fiacre at the gate, and all three being admitted at the
fame time, he foon perceived that the ftrangcrs were of
his own country. One of them was a young man, in
whofe air ar,d countenance appeared all the uncouth gra-
vity and fupercilious felf-conceit of a phyfician piping
hot from his ftudies, while the other, to whom his com-
panion fpoke by the appellation of Mr.Pallet,difplayed at
fir ft fight a ftrance compofition of levity and afiiuance- In-
deed their chara&ers, drefs, and addrefs, were ftrongly
-contrafted ; the do&or wore a fuit of black, and the huge
sie-wig, neither fuitable to his own age, nor the fafhion
of the co.ijntr^ where he then lived ; whereas the other,
though feemingly turned of fifty, ftrutted in a gay fum-
mer drefs of the Parifian cut, with a bag to his own grey
hair, and a red feather in his hat, which he carried un-
der his arm. As thefe figures feemed to promife fome-
thing entertaining, Pickle entered into converfation with
them mimediately,, and foon difcovered that the old gen-
tleman was a painter from London, who had ftole a fort-
night from his occupation, in order to vifit the remark-
able paintings of France and Flanders; and that the doc-
tor had taken the opportunity of accompanying him in
his tour. Being extremely talkative, he not only com-
municated thefe particulars to our hero in a very few
minuter
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 4>
minutes after their meeting, but alfo took occafion to
whifper in his ear, that his fellow traveller was a man
of vaft learning, and beyond all doubt, the greateft poet
of the age. As for himfelf he was under no necefiity
of making hrs own elogium j for he foon gave fuch fpe-
cimens of histafte and talents, as left Pickle no room to
doubt of his capacity.
White they flood confidering the pictures in one of the
firft apartments, which are by no means the moft rnafterly
competitions, the Sv/ifs, who fet up for a.connoifleur,
looking at a certain piece, pronounced the word magui*
fique ! with a note of admiration ; upon which Mr. Pal-
let, who was not at all a critic in the French language, re-
plied with great vivacity. " Manufac, you mean, and
a very indifferent piece of manufacture it is ; pray
gentlemen take notice, there is- no keeping in thofe heads
upon the back ground, nor relief on the principal figure ;
then you'll obferve the fhadings are harm to the lalt de-
gree ; and come a little clofer this way don't,
you perceive that the fore-fhortenings of that arm is
monftrous- 1 '*agad, fir! there is an abfolute fracture
in the limb doctor, you underftand anatomy, don't you
think that mufcle evidently mifplaced ? Heark ye, Mr.
what d'ye call um, (turning to the attendant) what is ihe
name of the dauber who painted that miferable perform-
ance ?" The Swifs imagining that he v/as all this time
exprefiing his fatisfaction, fanctioned his fuppofed com-
mendation, by exclaiming fans prix. " Right, cried
Pallet, I could not recollect his- name, though his man-
ner is quite familiar to me. We have a few pieces in En-
gland, done by that fame Sangpree; but there they are
in no eftimation ; we have more tafte among us, than to
relifh the productions of fuch a miferable gout. A 'n't
he an ignorant coxcomb, doctor ?" The phyfician-
afliamed of his companion's blunder, thought it was ne-
cefiaryfor the honour of his own character, to take notice
of it before the ftranger, and therefore anfwered his qef-
tion, by repeating this line from Horace.
Mutafo nomine, J te f alula narrafur.
The painter, -who was rather more ignorant of Latin
than of French, taking it for granted that this quotation
*f his friend, conveyed an aflent to his opinion. " Very
trae,,
44 Me AnyziJTWREs of
true, faid he, Potatoe, damine date. The piece is not
worth a (ingle potatoe." Peregrine was aftomfhed at this-
furprifing perverfion of the words and meaning of a Latin
line, which, at firft, he could not help thinking was a
premeditated joke ; but upon fecond thoughts, he faw no
reafon to doubt" that it was the extemporaneous effect of
fheer pertnefs and ignorance, at which he broke out into
an immoderate fit of laughter. Pallet, believing that the
gentleman's mirth was occafioncd by his arch animadver-
ilon upon the work of Sangpree, underwent the fame emo-
tion in a much louder ftram. and endeavoured to heighten
the jeft, by more obfervations of the fame nature ; while
the do&or, confounded at this impudence and want of
knowledge, reprimanded him in thefe words of Homer,
Sign me lis allot Achlon touton akoufe mttihon,
This rebuke the reader will eafiiy perceive, was not
calculated tor the meridian of his friend's Intel lefts, but
uttered with a view of raifing his own charadler, in the
opinion of Mr. Pickle, who retorted this parade of learn-
ing in three verfes from the fame author, being part of
ihe fpeech of Polydatnas to Hefior, importing that it is
impcfljble for one man to excel in every thing. The felf-
fufficient phyfician, who did not expeft fuch a repartee
from a youth of Peregrine's appearance, looked upon his
reply as a fair challenge, and inftanlly rehearfed forty or
fifty lines ot the Iliad in a breath. Obferving that the
llranger made no effort to match this effufion, he inter-
preted his filence into fubmiffion ; thjn in order to afcer-
tain his victory, he infulted him with divers fragments of
-authors, whciii his fuppofed competitor did not even
know byname; while Mr. Pallet ftared with admiration
at the profound fcholarfhip of his companion. Our young
gentleman, far from repining at his fuperiority, laughed
within himfelf at the rediculcus ambition of the pedantic
dodor. He rated him in his own mind as a mere index-
hunter, who held the eel of fcience by the tail, and
forefaw an infinite fund of diverfion in his fok-ninity and
pride, if properly extracted by means of his fellovr tra-
veller's vanity and affurancc:. Prompted by thefe coo-
fideralions, he refolded ro cultivate their acquaintance,
and, if poflible, anufe hmifelf at their txpence in his
journey
PEREGRl'NE PICKLE. 45
journey through Flanders, undei (landing that they were
determined upon the fame routs. In this view he treat-
ed them with extraordinary attention, and feem?J to
pay particular deference to the .remarks of the painter,
who with great intrepidity pronounced judgment upon
every picture in the palace, or, in other words, expofetl
his own nakednefs, in every lenience that proceeded from
his mouth.
When they came to confider the murder of the inno-
cents by Le Brun, the Swifs obferved that it was an beau
t.norceau, and Mr. Pallet replied, '* Yes, yes, one may
fee with half an eye, that it can be the produclion of no
other; for Bomorfo's ftile, both in colouring and drape-
ry. Js altogether peculiar ; then his defign is tame, and
his expreflion, antic and unnatural. Doclor, you have
feen rny judgment of Solomon, I think 1 may without
prtfumption but I don't choofe to make comparifons,
I leave that odious talk to other people, and let my
words fpeak for themfelves. France, to be fure, is rich
in the arts, but what is the reafon ? the king encourages
r*en of genius with honour and rewards : whereas, in
England, we are obliged to (land upon our own feet, and
combat the envy and malice of our brethren ; agad ! I
have a good mind to come and fettle here in Paris ; I
ihould like to have an apartment in the Louvre, with,
a fnug penfion of fo many thoufand Livres." In this
manner did Pallet proceed with an eternal rotation of
tongue, floundering from one miftake to another, until
it was the turn of Feuffin's fcven facraments to be exa-
mined. Her? again the Swifs, out of the abundance of bi;
zeal, exprefied his admiration, by faying, thefe" pieces
were impayable ; when the painter, turning to him with
an air of exultation, " Pardon me, friend, there you
happen to be miflaken, thefe are none of iinpayable's ;
but clone by Nicholas Pcufeen. I have feen prints of
them in England, fo that none of your tricks upon tra-
vellers, Mr Swifs or wafh, or what's your name." He
was very much elated by this imaginary triumph of his
underftanding, which animated him to perfevere in his cu-
rious obfervatioris upon all the other pieces of that cele-
brated collection ; but perceiving that the dcflor mani-
feftcd no fignsof pleafure and fatisfacYion, but rather be-
hekf them with a filent air of difda'tn, he could not digeft
his
4.6 The ADVENTURES of
his indifference, " r 'd afked with a wagjj'Hi fneer, it" ever
he had feen fuch a number of mailer-paces before ? The
phyfician eyeirg him with a look of companion, mingled
with contempt, cbfervcd that there was nothing thjre
which deferved the attention of any perfon acquainted
with the ideas of the ancients ; and that the aiuhor of
the fineft piece now in being, was unworthy to clean the
brufhes of one of thofe great imfters, who are celebrated
by the Greek and Roman writers. " O lud! O lud !
(exrlaimed the painter, with a loud h-.ui^) you have
fairly brought yourfelf into a dilemma at lail, cl< :ir doc-
tor; for it is well known that your ancient Grcskand
Roman artifts knew nothing at ail of the matter, i:i coni-
parifon with our modern matters, for this good reafon,
becaufe they had but three or four colours, am! knew nol
how to paint with oil: befides, which of all y-".ir clJ
fully Grecians would you put upo:i a footing with the di-
vine Raphael, the rnoft excellent Michael Angelo Bonn
Roti, the graceful Guido, the bewitched Titian, arc
above nil others the fublime Rubens, the" -- He
would have proceeded with a long catalogue of i;ame
which lie hn'd got by heart for the purpofc, \v:t!i.jut re-
taining the It-all: idc.i of their feveral qualifications, had
not he bci:ig interrupted by his friend, whof; indignation
being kinciedby the irreverence with which he mentioned
the Greek?, he called him blasphemer, Goth, Ujeotiar.
and in his turn cfkcd, with great vchen.enc?, which c!
tiiofe pur.y moderns could match with I'atitciiu.-i or' Athens
ard iiis b orhn Fhidia?, f'oJycletus ot" Sicvo.i, Polygno-
tus tJ;e 'i inafian, Pairhsiiljs ofEpiieius, urnayied AbrO'
diaitos, or tho Beau,.znA A?)clies, the prince of painters;
1 ie challenged him to Ihcv/ any portrait of ihefe daj!
that could vye u-ith the Heien of Zeuxis the Mcraclean
or any competition equal to the facrifice of J.phigen:a, b)
T:ir.?.!;thcs the Sicyonir.a ; not to mention the twelve god:
of Afclepiadorus the Athenian, for which Mi)aibn, tyram
of Elatea, gave him about three hundred pounds a piece
or Homer's hell by Nicias, who refilled fixty talents
amounting to upv/ards of eleven thoufand pounds, an.
jr?':'..T'j:;!]y maJja prefer t of it to his own cuunny. H.
i Lim to produce a collection equal to that in th<
'i rrrpie-or' Delphos, mentioned in the/j of Euiipides
Hr-cul. s ond his companion lolaus are r?[:"^;nt?'.
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 47
in the aft of killing the Lernaean hydr?, with golden
fickles, krufeais harpais, where Beilorophon appears upon
his winged fteed, vanquifhing the fire-breathing chimera,
tan pitripncwfan ; and the war of the giants is defcribed.
Here Jupiter (lands wielding the red hot thunder-bolts,
Kfra'.tnon amphif"uron ; there Pallas dreadful to the view,
Gorp t ot'on, biandifhes her fpcar againft the huge Enceia-
dus ; and Bacchus with flendcr i vy rods, defeats and flays
tbegas tekwk, or mighty fon of earth. The painter was
aftonifhed and confounded at this rhapfddy of names and
inRances, which was uttered with furprifing cageti;efs
and rapidity; fufpeftirg at firft that the whole was the
creation of his own brain hut when Pickle, with a view
of flattering the doctor's fclf-conceit, efpoufed his fide of
the qutflion, and confirmed th.e truth ot every thing he
advarcfd, Mr. Pallet changed his opinion, and in tm-
phatic filence adored the immenfity of his friend's under-
' (landing. In fhort, Peregrine csfily prccelvcd thnt they
werefalfe enthufiafts, without the fmalL'ft p.-ftei'.fiiir.s ro
tafteard fcnfibility, and pretended to be in raptures with
they knew not what ; the one thinking it was incumbent
upon l.im to exbrefs trartfports en Ueing the wovhs of
thofe who had been ir.-.jil tniine.M in his proltfTion, v/he-
thcr they did or did not redly raife Im rdmiration ; and
the other as a fchohir deeming it his c!u:y to magnify the
ancients above all competition, with an affected fervour,
which the knowledge of their excellencies never infpired'.
Indeed our ycung gentleman lo fuccefsfiilly accommo-
.dated himfelf to the difpofitior. of each, thct long before
their review was fin i Hied, be v/jr. become a particular fa-
vourite with both,
Fro-i the 1'a'r/s P.oyal ! e cccompanie-,1 then : to the
cloiftcrr, of the Car!hufi:in5, v/here they conhdercd the
h'flory of St P-ruro, by Lc Sucur, whofe name being ut-
terly unknown to the pairter, he gave judgement againll
the whole ccmpoilrion, as puilul and paltiy ; the ugh, in
the opinion cf all good judges} it is a r.K.i; ;nr.(:crly oer-
formancc.
Knvirg fatisfiiei! their cur; of.; v in this place, Peregrine
'" tfkcd rh?r.i to favcur h'in v/ith the ; r conip-iny at dinner ;
'-but wlu-ther r.\:t of caution egtinil the iiifit uatioos of
r.ne v.-hr-f-j charft-^sr they did r.nt krv;v.', nr by reafon of
n pm'V ', they tieclined his irY'fanon on pre-
48 ^he ADVENTURES of
tence of having an appointment at a certain ordinary,
though they exprefled a defire of being farther acquaint-
ed with him ; and Mr. Pallet took the freedom of alkirsg
his name, which he not only declared, but promifed, as
they were ftrangers in Paris, to wait upon them next clay
in the forenoon, in order to conduct them to the hotel de
Tholoufe, and the houfes of feveral other noblemen,
remarkable for painting or curious furniture. They
thankfully embraced his propofal, and that fame day nsicit-
inquiry among the Englifli gentlemen, about the charac-
ter of our hero, which they found fo much to their fatif-
fufti-on, that upon their fecond meeting, they court-
ed his good graces without referve; and as they heard of
his intended departure, begged earneftly to have the ho-
nour of accompaying him through the Low Countries.
He allured them that nothing cauld be more agreeable to
him, than the profpect of having fuch fellow travellers ;
and they immediately appointed a day for fetting out on
that tour.
CHAP. XLIII.
He intro ducts his ne t w friends to Mr. Jo her, iuith
his own conlcience, and a certain alarm of his pride, that
was weak enough to be difturbed-by the phyfician's ridi-
culous vanity and prefumption, which not contented
with displaying his importance in the world of tafte and
polite^ literature, manifefted itfelf in arrogating certain
material difcoveries in the province of phyfick, which
could not fail to advance him to the higheft pinnacle of that
profeffion, confidering the recommendation of his other
talents, together with a liberal fortune which he inheri-
ted from his father.
C H A P t
PEREGRINE PICKLED 53
X C HAP. XLIV.
The doftor prepares an entertainment in tie manner of the
ancients, which is attended ivitb diners ridiculous
circumstances.
IN a word, our young gentleman, by his infinuating
behaviour acquired the full confidence of the doctor, who
invited him to an entertainment, which he intended to
prepare in the manner of the ancients. Pickle ftruck
with this idea, eagerly embraced thepropo&l, which he
honoured with many encomiums, as a plan in all refpects
worthy of his genius and apprehenfion ; and the day was
appointed at fome diitance of time, that the treater
might have leifure to compofe certain pickles and con-
fections which were not to be found among the culinary
preparations of thefe degenerate days.
With a view of rendering the phyfician's tafte more
confpicuous, and extracting from it the more diverfion,
Peregrine propofed that fome foreigners fhould partake of
the banquet ; and the tafk being left to his care and dif-
cretion, he actually befpoke the company of a French
inarquis, an Italian count and a German baron, whom
he knew to be egregious coxcombs, and therefore more
likely to enhance the joy of the entertainment.
Accordingly, the hour being arrived, he conducted
them to the hotel where the phyfician lodged, after ha-
ving regaled their expectations with ari elegant meal in
the genuine old Roman tafte ; and they were received by
Mr. Pallet who did the honours of the houfe, while his
friend fuperintended the cook below. By this communi-
cative painter, the guefts underftood that the doctor had
met with numerous difficulties in the execution of his
defign ; that no fewer than five cooks had been difmifTed,
becaufe they could not prevail upon their own confcien-
ces to obey his directions in things that were contrary to
the prefent practice of their art ; and that although he
had at laft engaged a perfon, by an extraordinary pre-
mium, to comply with his orders, the fellow was fo a-
ftonifhed, rrortified and incenfed at the commands he had
received, that his hair flood on end, and he begged on
his knees, to be releaied from the Agreement he had
made : but finding that his employer infified upon the
performance of his contract, and threat^iied to introduce
F 2 hi*
54 13* ADVENTURES of
him to the commifTaire, if he fhould flinch from the bar,'
gain, he had, in the diicharge of his office, wept, fung
curfed and capered for two whole hours without inter-
million.
While the company liftened to this odd information,
by which they were prepoirelTed with ftrange notions of
the dinner, their ears were invaded by a piteous voice
that exclaimed in French, " For the love of God ! dear
Sir ! for the paflion of Jefus Chrift ! fpare me the mor-
tification of the honey and oil !" Their ears ftill vibrated
with the found, when the doctor entering, was by Peri-
grine made acquainted with the ftrangers, to whom he,
in the tranfports of his wrath, could not help complain-
ing of the want of compkifance he had found in thePa-
rifian vulgar, by which his plan had been almoft entirely
ruined and fet afide. The French marquis, who thought
the honour of his nation was concerned at this declara-
tion, profefTed his forrow for what had happened, fa
contrary to the eftablifhed character of the people, and un-
dertook to fee the.delinquents feverely punilhed, provi-
ded he could be informed of their names or places of abode.
The mutual' compliments that pafied on this occafion,
were fcarce finished, when a fervant coming into the
room, announced dinner ;. and the entertainer led the
way into another apparttnent, where they found a long
table, or rather two- boards joined together, and furnith^
ed with a variety ofdiflres, the fleams of wliich had fuch.
evident effect upon the nerves of the cjrn-pany, that the
marquis made frightful grimaces, under pretence of tak-
ing fnuiT ; the Italian's eyes watered,- t-he German's vifage
underwent violent diltortion of features , our hero found,
means to exclude the odour from his fenfe of finellirig, by
breathing only through his mouth ; and the poor painter
running into another room, plugged his noilii's with to-
bacco. The doctor himfelf, who was the only perfon.
then prefect whofe organs were not difcompofed, pointed
to n couple of couches placed on each fide of the table,
told his guefts, that be was forry he could not procure
the exact triclinia of the ancients, which were fbmewhat
different from thefe conveniencies,and defired they would
have the goodnefs to repofe themfelves without ceremony,
each in his refpective couchette, while he and his friend
Mr. Pallet would place themfelves upright at the ends,
tat
PEREGRINE .PICKLE. 55
that they might have the pleafure of ferving thofe that
lay along. This difpofition, of which the ftrangers had
no previous idea, difconcerted and perplexed them in a
mo ft ridiculous manner ; the marquis and the baron flood
bowing to each other, on pretence of difputing the lower
feat, but in reality with a view of profiting by the ex-
ample of one another, for neither of them underflood the
manner in which they were to loll; and Peregrine, who
enjoyed their confufion, handed the count to the other
fide, where, with the moft mifchievous'politenefs, he
infifted upon his taking pofleffion of the upper place.
In this difagreeable and ludicrous fufpence they conti-
nued acting a pantomime of gefticulations, until the
doctor earneftly intieated them to wave all compliment
and form, left the dinner fhould be fpoiled before the
ceremoaial could be adjufted. Thus conjured, Peregrine
took the lower couch on the left-hand fide, laying him-
felf gently down, with his face towards the table. The
marquis m imitation of this pattern (though he would
have much rather fafted three days than run the rifk of
difcompofmg his drefs by fuch an attitude) ftretched
himfelf upon the oppofite place, reclining upon his elbow
in a moft painful and aukward fituation, with his head
raifed above the end of the couch, that the ceconomy of
his hair might not fuffer by the projection of his body.
The Italian being a thin limber creature, planted himfelf
next to Pickle, without fuftaining any misfortune, but
that of his flocking being torn by a ragged nail of the
feat, as he raifed his legs on a level with the reft of his
limbs. But the baron, who was. neither fo wieldly nor
fupple in his joints as his companions, flounced himfelf
down with fuch precipitation, that his feet fuddenly tilt-
ing up, came in furious contract with the head of the
marquis, and demolished every curl in a twinkling,
while his own fkull, at the fame inftant, defcended upon
the fide of his couch with :uch violence, that his peri-
wig was ftruck off, and the whole room filled with pul-
vilio.
The drollery of diftrefs that attended this difafter en-
tirely vanquifhed the affecled gravity of our young gen-
lUman, who was obliged to fupprefs\his laughter by
cramming his handkerchief in his mouthk for the bare-
headed German afked pardon with fugh Ridiculous con-
fufion
56 The A D V E N T U R E S of
fufion, and the marquis admitted his apology with fuch
rueful complaisance, as were fufficient to awake the mirth
of a quietift.
This misfortune being repaired as well as the circum-
fiances of the occafion would permit, and every one
fettled according to the arrangement already defcribed,
the doctor gracioufly undertook to give fome account
of the difhes as they occurred, that the company might
b; directed in their choice ; and with an air of infinite
fitisfaftion thus began: "This here, gentlemen, is a
boiled goofe, ferved up in a fauce compofed of pepper,
lovage, corriander, mint, rue, anchovies and oil; I wife
for your fakes, gentlemen, it was one of the geefe of
Ferrara, fo much celebrated among the antients for the
magnitude of their livers, one of which is faid to have
weighed upwards of two pounds : with this food exqui-
fite as it was, did the tyrant Heliogabalus regale his
hounds. But I beg pardon, I had almoft forgot the
foup, which I hear is fo neceflary an article at all tables
in France. At each end there are difhes of the fala-
cacabia of the Romans, one is made of parfley, penny-
roval, cheefe, pine-tops, honey, vinegar, brine, egsjs, cu-
cambers, onions and hen livers; the other is much the
fame as the foup-maigre of this country. Then there is
a loin of veal boiled vrh fennel and caraway-feed/ on a
pottage compofed of pickle, oil, honey and flour, and a
curious hachis of the lights, liver and blood of an hare,
together with a difti of roailed pigeons. Monfieurle ba-
ron, fliall I help you to a plate of this foup?" The Ger-
man, who did not at all difapprove of the ingredients,
a'lented to the propofal, and feemed to relifh the compo-
fuion ; while the marquis, being afked by the painter
which of t\izfillykickabys he chofe, was in confequence
of his defire accomodated with a portion of the foup
maigre; and the count, in lieu of fpoon-meat, of which
he faid he was no great admirer, fupplied himfeif with
a pigeon, therein conforming to the choice of our young
gentleman, whofe example: he determined to follow
through the whole courfeof the entertainment.
The Frenchman having fwallowed the firft fpoonful,
made a full paufe, his throat fwelled, ?.s if an egg had
ftuck in his gullet, his eyes rolled, and his mouth under-
\vent a feries of involuntary contractions and dilatations.
Pallet,
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 57
Pallet, who looked ileadfsfly at this connoifTeur, with
a view of confulting his tiile, before he himfelf would
venture upon the foup, began to be difturbei at thefe
emotions, and obferved with forne concern, that the
poor gentleman feenied to be going into a fit ; when Pe-
regrine ailured him that thefe were fyrnptoms of extacy t
and for further coniiriutition, afked the marquis how he
found the foup. It % was with infinite difficulty that his
complaifance could fo far mailer his diiguft, as to enable
him to anfwer, " Altogether excellent, upon my ho-
nour !" And the painter being certified of his approba-
tion, lifted the fpoon to his mouth without fcruple j but
far from juftirying the elogium of his tafter, when this
precious compofition difTufed it r eif upon his palate, he
feeir.ed to be deprived of all fenfe and motion, and fat
like the leaden ftatue of fome river god, with the liquor
flowing out at both fides of his mouth..
The doctor, alarmed at this indecent phenomenon,
earneftly inquired into the caufe of it ; and when Pallet
recovered his recollection, and fv/ore that he would ra-
ther fwallow porridge made of burning brimftone, than
fuch an infernal mefs as that which he had tafted, the
phyfician in his own vindication, aflured the company,
that, except the ufual ingredients, he had mixed nothing
in the foup but fome fal armoniac inftead of the ancient
nitrum, which could not now be procured ; and appeal-
ed to the marquis, whether fuch a fuccedaneum was not
an improvement on the whole. The unfortunate petit
maitre, driven to the extremity of his condefcenfion, ac-
knowledged it to be a mafterly refinement ; and deeming
himfelf obliged, in point of honour, to evince his fenti-
menls by his practice, forced a few mbre mouthfuls of
this difagreeable potion down his throat, till his ftomach
was fo much offended, that he was compelled to flart
up of a hidden, and in the hurry of his elevation over-
turned his ,plate into the bofom of the baron. The
emergency of his occafions would not permit him to
flay and make apologies for this abrubt behaviour, fo
that he flew into another apartment, where Pickle found
him puking, and croffing himfelf with great devotion j
and a chair, at his defire, being brought to the door, he
flipt iofo it more dead than alive, conjuring his friend
Pidde to make his peace with the company, and in par-
ticular
$8 The ADVENTURES of
ticuhr excufe him to the baron, on account of the vio-
lent fit of illnefs with which he had been feized. It was
not without reafon that he employed a mediator ; for
when our hero returned to the dining-room, the German
got up, and was under the hands of his o\vn lacquey,
who wiped the greafe froma rich embroidered waiftcoat,
while he, almoft frantic with his misfortune, ftamped up-
on the ground, and in High Dutch curfed the unlucky
banquet, and the impertinent, entertainer, who all this
time, with great deliberation, confoled him for the dif-
ailer, by alluring him, that the damage might be repair-
ed with fome oil of turpentine and an hot iron. Pere-
grine who could fcarce refrain from laughing in his face,
appeafed his indignation, by telling him how much the
whole company, and efpecially the marquis, was morti-
fied at the accident ; and the unhappy falacacabia being
removed, the places were filled with two pies, one of
dormice liquored with fyrup of white poppies, which the
doclor had fubilitutedin the room of toafted poppy-feed,
formerly eaten with honey, as a defert ; and the other
compofed of an hock of pork baked in honey.
Pallet hearing the firft of thefe difhes defcribed, lifted
up his hands an eyes, and with figns of loathing and
amazement pronounced, " A pye made of dormice and
fyrup of poppies ; Lord in heaven! what beaftly fellows
thole Romans were !" His friend checked him for his
irriverent exclamation with a fevere look, and recom-
mended the veal, of which he himfelf chearfully eat,
with fuch encomiums to the company, that the baron
refolved to imitate his example, after having called for
a bumper of Burgandy, which the phyfician, for his
fake, wiflied to have been the true wine of Falernum.
The painter feeing nothing elfe upon the table which he
would venture to touch, made a merit of neceflity, and
had recourfe to the veal alfo ; although he could not
help faying, that he would not give one flice of the roaft
beet of old England for all the danties of a Roman Em-
peror's table. But all the doctor's invitations and aflu-
rances could not prevail upon his guefts to honour the
liachis and the goofe ; and that courfe was fucceeded by
another, in which he told them were divers of thofe
difhes, which among the antients had obtained the ap-
pellation of foliteles, or magnificent. " That which
Unoak*
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 59
fmoaks in the middle (faid he) is a
make the belt of his way, that he might not give the
honourable company caufe of offence, by obeying the
dictates of nature in their prefence.
When Pickle interpreted this apology to the Italian,
Pallet was forgiven in very polite terms, and even re-
ceived into favour by his friend thedoftor, in confequence
of our hero's interceffion : fo that all the guefts forgot
their chagrin, and paid their refpecls fo piouily to the
bottle, that in a fhort time the Champaigne produced very
evident effects in the behaviour of all prefent.
CHAP. XLV.
The pairter is per funded to accompany Pickle to a mafqite-
rade in ivtmans apparel ; is engaged in a trouble/'onle
adventure, and with his companion conveyed to the
Baftile.
THE painter, at the requeft of Pickle, who had a
defign upon the count's fenfe of hearing, favoured
VOL. II. G the
fa, The ADVE TURKS of
the company with the fong of Bumper Squire Janes,
which yielded infinite fatisfaftion to the baron; but
affe&ed the delicate ears of the Italian in fuch a man
ner, that his features exprefled aftonifhment and dif-
quiet ; and by his fudden and repeated journey's to the
door, it plainly appeared, that he was in the lame pre-
dicament with thofe who, as Shakefpear obferves when,
the Bagpipe fings in the nofe, cannot contain their urine
for affection.
With a view, therefore, of vindicating mufic from
fuch a barbarous tafte, Mr. Pallet had no fooner per-
formed his taflc, than the count honoured his friends
\vith fome favourite airs -of his own country, which he
warbled with infinite grace and expreffion, though they
had not energy fufficient to engage the attention of the
German, who fell faft afleep upon his couch, and fnored
fo loud, as to interrupt, and totally annul this ravifhing
entertainment ; fo that they were fain to have recourfe
again to the glafs, which made luch innovation upon the
brain of the phyfician, that he fung divers odes of Ana-
.Creon to a tune of his own compofing, and held forth up-
on the inufic and recitative of the ancients with great
erudition ; \vhile Pallet, having found means to make the
Italian acquainted with the nature of his profeffion, ha-
rangued upon painting with wonderful volubility, in a.
language which (it was well for his own credit) the ftran-
ger did riot underftand.
At length the dodtor was feized v/ith fuch a qualm,
that he begged Peregrine to lead him to his chamber ;
and the baron being waked, retired with the count.
Peregrine being rendered frolickfome with the wine
he had drank, propofed that he and Pallet fhould go to a
mafquerade, which he recollected wa s to be .given that
night. The painter did not want curiofity and inclina-
tion to accompany him, but expreffed his apprehenfion
of lofmg him in the ball ; an accident which coulu not
fail to be very difogreeable, as he was an utter ft, anger
to the language and the town. To obviafe this objefti-
.on, the landlady, who was of their cou ; ril, advifed him
to appear in a woman's drefs, which would lay his com-
panion under the neceffity of attending him with more
care, as he could not with decency detach himfelf from
the lady whom he fhould introduce ; befides, fuch a fuj)-
poled
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 6
pofed connexion would hinder the ladies ofpleafure trom
accofting, and employing their feducing arts upon a per-
fon already engaged.
Our young gentleman, forefeeing abundance of diver-
ion in the execution of this project, feconded the propo*
fal with fuch importunity and addrefs, that the painter
allowed himfelf to be habited in a fuit belonging to the
landlady, who alfo procured for him a maflc of domino,
while Pickle provided himfelf with a Spanifh drefS. Iu
this difguife, which they put on about eleven o'clock,
did they, attended by Pipes, fet out in a Fiacre for the
ball-room, into which Pickle led this fuppofitious female,
to the aftonifhment of the whole company, who had ne--
?er feen fuch an uncouth figure in the appearance ol a
woman.
After they had tak'en a view of all the remarkable
mafques, and the painter had been treated with a glafs of
liqueur, his mifchievous companion gave him the flip,
and vaniftuhg. in. an inftant, returned with another maflc
and a domino aver his habit, that^he might enjoy Pallet's
perplexity, and be at hand to protect him from infult.
The poor painter having loft his guide, was almoft
diftrafted with. anxiety, and ftalked abo\it the room, in
qiieft of him, with fuch huge ftrides and oddity of gef-
ture, that he was followed by a whole multitude, who
gazed at him as a preternatural phenomenon. This at-
tendance increafed his uneafinefs to fuch a degree, that
he could not help uttering a foliloquy aloud, in which he
curfed his fate for having depended upon the promife of
fuch a wag ; and fwore, that if once he was clear of
this fcrape, he would not bring bimfelf into fuch a pre-
jnunire again for the whole kingdom of France.
Divers petit maitres underftanding the mafque was a
foreigner, who in all probability could not fpeak French,
made up to him in their turns, in order to difplay their
wit and addrefs, and teized him with leveral arch quefti-
ons, to which he made no other anfwr than, " No Par-
ly Francy. Damn your chattering ! Go about ycur bu-
finefs, can't ye ?" Among the mafkj was a nobleman who
began to be very free with a fuppofed lady, and attempt-
ed to plunge his hand into her bofom : but the painter
was too modeft to fuffer fuch indecent treatment ; and
when the gallant repeated his efforts in a manner ftill
G 3 rofc
64 I'.'S ADVENTURES of
more indelicate, lent him fuch a box on the ear, a; made
the lights cance- before him, and created fuch a fufpicionof.
Pallet's fex, that the Frenchman fwore he was either a
male or hermaphrodite, and infilled upon a fcrutiny, for
the fake of his own honour, with fuch obilinacy of re-
fentment, that the fi&iticus nymph was in imminent dan-
ger, not only of being expofed, but alfo of undergoing
fevere chailifement, for having made fo free with the
prince's ear ; when Peregrine, who law and over-heard
'every thing that patted, thought it was high time to in-
terpcle; and accordingly averted his pretenfions to the
infulted lady, who was overjoyed at this proof of his pro-
feftion.
The affronted gallant perfevered in demanding to know
' v:hd fhe was, and our hero as ftremioufly re'ufed to give
him that fatisfaclion : fo that high words enfued ; and
the prince threatening to puniih his infolence, the young
gentleman, who was not luppofed to know his quality,
pointed to the place where his own fword ufed to hang,
and fnapping his fingers in his face, laid hold on the
painter's arm, and Jed him to another part of the room,
leaving his antagonist to the meditations of his own re-
venge.
Pallet having chid his conductor for his barbarous de-
fertion, made him acquainted with the diirkulty in which
he had been involved, and flatly telling him, he would
not put it in his power to give him the flip again, held
fail by his arm during the remaining part of the enter-
tainment, to the no fmall diverfion of the company,
whole attention was altogether engroffed in the contem-
plation of fuch an aukward, ungainly, Italking apparition.
At lad, Pickle being tired of exhibiting this rareefhew,
complied with the repeated defires of his companion,
and handed her into the coach ; which he himfelf had
no fooner entered, than they were furrounded by a file of
mufqueteers, commanded by an exempt, who ordering
the coach-door to be opened, took his place with great
deliberation, while one of his detachment mounted the
box, in order to direct the driver.
Peregrine at once conceived the meaning of this arreft,
and it was well for him he had no weapon wherewith to
ftand upon his defence ; for fuch was the impetuofity
and rafhnefs of his temper, that had hg been armed, he
would
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 65
Would have run all rifles rather than furrender himfelf to
any odds whatever ; but Pallet imagining that the officer
was fome gentleman who had miftaken their carriage for
his own, defired his friend to undeceive the ftranger ;
and when he was informed of the reap (late of their con-
dition, his knees began to /hake ; his teeth to chatter,
and he uttered a moft doleful lamentation, importing hig
fear of being carried to fome hideous dungeon ofthe
Bartile, where he fhould fpend the reft of his days in
mifery and horror, andjiever fee the light of God's fun,,
nor the face of a friend ; but perifli in a foreign land, far
removed from his family and connexions. Pickle damned
him for his pufilaoimity, and the exempt hearing a lady
bemoan herfelf fo piteoufly, exprefTed his mortification at
being the inftrument of giving her fisch pain, and endea-
voured to confole them, by reprefenting the lenity of 'the
French government, and the fingular generofity of the
prince, by whofe order they were apprehended.
Peregrine whofe difcretion feemed to forfake him on
all fuch occafions, exclaimed with great bitternefs ngainfc
the arbitrar/ admihiftration of France, and inveighed
with many expreffions of contempt, againft the character
f the offended prince, whofe refentment, far from being
noble, he faid, was pitiful, ungenerous and unjuft. To
this remonftrance the officer made no reply, but fhrugged
up his flioulders in filent aftonifhment at the hardieffe of
the prifoner, and the Fiacre was juft o* the point of
fetting out, when they heard the noife of a fcuffle at
the back ofthe coach, and the voice of Tom Pipes, pro-
nouncing " I'll be damn'd if I do." This trufty atten-
dant had been defired by one of the guard to defcend
from his ftatibn in the rear, but as he refolved to flrare
his matter's fate, he took no notice of their intrearies , ..
until they were feconded by force ; and that he endea-
voured to repel with his heel r which he applied with fiich
energy to the jaws ofthe fbldier who firft came in con-
tract with him, that they emitted a crafhing found like a
dried walnut between the ffi-iders of a templar in the pit.
Exafperated at this outrage, the other ;alutcd Tom's :
poiteriors with his bayonet, which incommoded linn fb .
much, that he could no longer keep his po'V, bur ! japed
upon the ground, gave his antagonift a chuck vmier the
ehio, and laid him upon his back, and then Ikippbgov i-
G.3 him
66 The ADVENTURES if
h'm with infinite agility, abfconded among the crowd of
reaches till he faw the guard mount before and behind
upon his matter's Fiacre, which no fooner fet forwa-d
than he followed at a fmall diftance, to reconnoitre the
place where Peregrine fliould be confined.
After having proceeded flowly through many windings
and turnings to a part of Paris, in which Pipes was an
utter ftranger, the coach flopped at a great gate, with
a wicket in the middle, which being opened at the ap-
proach of the carriage, the prifoners were admitted, and
the guard returning with a Fiacre, Tom determined to
watch in that place all night, that in the morning he
might make fuch obfervations, as might be conducive to
:he enlargement of his matter.
CHAP. XLVI.
Sy the fidelity of Pipes, Jolrer is informed of bis pupiPs
fate. Confers with the pbyfician. Applies to the Em-
baffador, ivbo : ic, I
fliould not have been teizn i . ') who ^as
brought me to this p'a'X And '..!> .'u > r .-.n -'.Is
G. $;in'd unlucky dreis ? Lard ru/it '.hdt eha. ' . ;c7.a-
bel of a landki'iv, v/h aclvifed -:n :K * prepofterotfs'dJf*
guile ! a dilguih* - Hch hath not or>!y h:or.- '.i at to this
pats, but al.-o rendered me gloniincble to m ' ! . end
fri^htiul to others ; for, when I this ; otnin^fi^. . . to
the turnkey, that 1 wanted to be (Laved, he looked at
my beard with aftonifhrnent, and croiling hinJll-, mut-
tered his pater-nofter, believing rne (I iupyoie) to be a
witch, or fomething worfe. And heaven confound that
loathfome banquet of the ancients, which provoked me
to drink too freely, that I might wafli away the tafce of
that accurfed fillikicaby.
Our young gentleman, having heard his lamentation
to an end, excufed himfelf for his conduct, by reprefent-
ing, that he could not poiTibly forefee the difagreeble
confequences that attended it ; and in the mean time,
ftrenuoufly cpunfelled him to fubm.it to the terms of his
enlargement. He oblerved, that he \vas now arrived at
That time of life, when the luus of the flefh lliould be
entirely mortified \vithin him, and his greater! concern
ought to be the health of his foul, to which nothing
could more effectually contribute than the amputation
which was propofed: that his body, as well as his mind,
would profit by the change, becaufe he would have no
dangerous appetite to gratify, and no carnal thoughts to
divert him from the duties of his profeffion; and His voice,
which was naturally fweet, would improve to fuch a de-
gree, thathe would captivate the ears of all the people of
fafhion and tafte, and in a little time be celebrated under
the appellation of the Englifh Senefino.
Thefe arguments did not fail to make impreflion upon
the painter, who, neverthelefs, ftarted two objections to
his compliance j namely the difgrace of the punilhment,
and the dread of his wife. Pickle undertook to obviate
thefe dim..ulties, by affuring him, that the fentence would
be executed fo privately, as never to tranfpire ; and that
his wife could no; be fb unconfciona'ole, after fo many
years of cohabitation, as to take exceptions to an an ex-
pedient
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 73
pedient, by which fhe would not only enjoy the conver-
fation of her hufband, but even the fruits of thofe talents
which the knife would fo remarkably refine.
Pallet fhook his head at his laft remonftrance, as if he
thought it would not be altogether convincing to his
fpoufe ; but yielded to the propofal, provided her con-
fent could be obtained. Jufl as he fignified this condef-
cenfion, the gaoler entered, and addreffing himfelf to
the fuppofeoVIady, exprefled his fatisfaclion in having the
honour to tell her, that (he was no longer a prifoner.
As the painter did not understand one word of what he
faid, Peregrine undertook the office of interpreter, and
made his friend believe, the gaoler's fpeech was no other
than an intimation, that the miniftry had fent a furgeon
to execute what was propofed, and that the inftruments
and dreffings were prepared in the next room. Alarmed
and terrified at this fudden appointment, he flew to the
other end of the room, and matching up an earthen-
chamber-pot, which was the only offenfive weapon in the
place, put himfelf in a pofture of defiance, and with ma-
ny oaths threatened to try the temper of the barber's
fkull, if hs fhould prefume to- fet his nofe within ttie apart-
ment.
The gaoler, who little expected fuch a reception, con-
cluded that the poor gentlewoman had actually loft her
wits, and retreated with precipitation, leaving the door
open as he went out. Upon which Pickle, gathering up
the particulars of his drefs with great difpatch, crammed
them into Pallet's arms, and taking notice that now the
coaft was clear, exhorted him to follow his footfteps to
the gate, where a hackney-coach ftood for his reception.
There feeing no time for hefitation, the painter took his
advice, and without quitting the utenfil, which i^iis
hurry he forgot to lay down, fallied out in the rear of
our hero, with all that wildnefs of terror and impatience
which may be reafonably fuppofed to take poffeffion of a
man who flies from perpetual imprifonment. Such was
the tumult of his agitation, that his faculty of thinking
was for the prefent utterly overwhelmed, and he faw no
object but his conductor, whom he followed by a fort of
inir.inc~r.ive impulfe, without regarding the keepers and
centinels, who, as he palfed with his cloaths under one
arm, and his chamber-pot branciiihed above his head,
VOL. II. H were
74 The ADVENTURES of
were confounded, and even difmayed at the ftrange appa-
rition.
During the whole courfe of this irruption, he ceafed
not to cry with great vociferation " Drive, coachman,
ilrive in the name of God ! " And the carriage had pro-
ceeded the length of a whole ftreet, before he manifefted
the leaft fign of reflection, but ftared like the Gorgon's
head, with his mouth wide open, and each particular
hair crawling and twining like an animated ferpenr. At
length, however, he began to recover the ufe of his fen-
fes, and aflced if Peregrine thought him now out of all
danger of being retaken. This unrelenting wag, not yet
fatisfied with the affliction he had impofed upon the fuffer-
cr, anfwered with an air of doubt and concern, that he
hoped they would not be overtaken, and prayed to God
they might not be retarded by a ftop of carriages. Pallet
fervently joined in this fupplication, and they advanced
a few yards further,; when the noife of a coach at full
fpeed behind them, invaded their ears \ and Pickle having
looked out at the window, withdrew his head in feeming
confufion and exclaimed, " Lord have mercy upon us !
1 wifh that may not be a guard fent after us. Methinks
I law the muzzle of a fufil fticking out of the coach."
The painter hearing thefe tidings, that inftant thruft him-
felf half out at the window, with his helmet ftill in his
hand, bellowing to the coachman as loud as he could
roar, " Drive, damn ye drive ! to the gates of Jericho
and ends of the earth ! Drive, you raggamuffin, you
rafcallion, you hell-hound ! drive us to the pit of hell ra-
ther than we fhould be taken."
Such a phantom could not pafs, without attracting the
cimofity of the people, who ran to their doors and win-
dows, in order to behold this object of admiration. With
the fame view that coach, which was fuppofed to be in
purlvtit of him flopt juft as the windows of each hap-
pened to be oppoilte j and Pallet looking behind, and
feeing three men (landing upon the foot-board armed
v/ith canes, which his fear converted into fufils, never
doubted that his friend's fufpicion was juft ; but, fhaking
his Jordan at the imaginary guard, fwore he would fooner
die than part with his precious ware. The owner of the
coach, who was a nobleman of the ftrft quality, miftook
him for fomc unhappy woman deputed of her fenfes ;
and
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 75
and ordering his coachman to proceed, convinced the
fugitive, to his infinite joy, that this was no more than
a falfe alarm. He was not, for all that, freed from anx-
iety and trepidation; buf our young gentleman, fearing
his brain would not bear a repetition of the fame joke,
permitted him to gain his own lodgings, withoiit further
moleftation.
His landlady meeting him on the ftair, was fb affefted
at his appearance, that fhe {creamed aloud, and betook
herfelf to flight; while he, curfing her with great bitternefs,
ruihed into the apartment with the doctor, who inftead
of receiving him with cordial embraces, and congratula-
ting him upon his deliverance, gave evident tokens of
umbrage and difcontent ; and even plainly told him, he
hoped to have heard that he and Mr. Pickle had a
lodge, and where they were obliged to knock up the
people of the inn, before they could have their fupper
prepared. All the provifion in the houfe was but barely
iufficient to furnift one indifferent meal ; however, the
painter confoled himfelf for the quantity with the quality
of the difhes, one of which was a fricaffee of rabbit, a
preparation that he valued above all the dainties that
t-ver fmoaked upon the table of the fumptuous Helioga-
balus.
He had no fooner escprefled himfelf to this effect, than
our hero, who was alrrroft mfeffantly laying traps for di-
verfion at his neighbour's expence, laid hold on the de-
claration ; and recollecting the ftory of Scipio and the
muleteer in Gil Bias, refolved to perpetrate a joke upon
the ftomach of Pallet, which feemed particularly well
difpofed to an hearty fupper. He accordingly digefled
his plan ; and the company being feated at table, affected
ro gaze with peculiar eagernefs at the painter, who had
helped himfelf to a large portion of the fricaffee, and be-
gan to fvvallow it with infinite relifh. Pallet, notwith-
(tanding the keennefs of his appetite, could not help ta-
king notice of Pickle's demeanour ; and making a fhort
paufe in the exercife of his grinders, " You are furprized
(faid he) to fee me make fo much difpatch ; but I was
extremely hungry, and this is one of the beft fricaflees I
ever tailed : the French are very expert in thefe diftes,
that I muft allow-; and upon my confcience, I would
never defire to eat a more delicate rabbit than this that
lies upon my plate."
Peregrine made no other reply to this encomium,
than the repetition of the word rabbit ! with a note of
admiration, and fuch a fignifkant fhake of the head, as
effectually alarmed the other, who inftantly fufpended
the action of his jaws, and with the morfel half chewed
in his mouth, flared round him with a certain ftclidity of
appreiien(ip
8o The ADVENTURES of
apprehenfion, which is eafier conceived than defcribcrf,
until his eyes encountered the countenance of Thomas
Pipes, who being inftru&ed, and ported oppofite to him
for the occafion, exhibited an arch grin, and compleated
tke painter's diforder. Afraid of fwallowing his mouth-
ful, and afhamed to difpofe of it any other way, he f*t
fome time in a moft diftrefled ftate of fufpence ; and be-
ing queftioned by Mr. Joker touching his calamity, made
a. violent effort of the mufcles of his gullet, which with
difficulty performed their office ; and then, with great
confufion and concern, afked if Mr. Pickle fufpedted the
rabbit's idenity. The young gentleman afluming a myfte-
rious air, pretended ignorance of the matter, obferving,
that he was apt to fufpeft all difhes of that kind, fince
he had been informed of the tricks which were common-
ly played at inns in France, Italy and Spain, and recount-
ed the palTage in Gil Bias, which we have hinted at
above ; faying, he did not pretend to be a connoifleur in
animals, but the.legs of the creature which coinpofed that
fcicaflee did not, in hts -opinion, refemble thofe of the
rabbits he had ufually feen. This obfervation had an
evident effect upon the features of the painter, who with
certain figns of loathing and aftonifliment, exclaimed,
*' Lord Jefus !" and appealed to Pipes for a difcovery of
the trnth, by aflcing if he knew any thing of the affair.
Tom very gravely replied, that he did fuppofe the food
was wholefome enough, for he had. feen the fkin. and
feet of a fpecial ram-cat, new flea'd, hanging upon the
door of a fmall pantry adjoining to the kitchen.
Before this fentence was uttered, Pallet's belly feemed
to move in contract with his back-bone, his colour chang-
ed, no part but the whites of his eyes were to be feem,
he dropped his lower jaw, and fixing his hands in his
fides, reached with fuch convulfive agonies, as amazed
and difconcerted the whole compa-ny j and what aug-
mented his diforder, was the tenacious retention of his
ftomach, which abfolutely refufed to par* with its con-
tents, notwithstanding all the energy of his abhorrence,
which threw him into a cold fweat, and almoft into a
fwoon.
Pickle, alarmed at his condition, aflured him it was a
genuine rabbit, and that he had tutored Pipes to fay o-
therw'rfe for the joke's fake. But this confeilion he con-
federed
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 81
fidered as a friendly artifice of Pickle's companion, and
therefore it had little effect upon bis conftitution. By
the afllftance, however, of a large bumper of brandy,
his fpirits were recruited, and his recollection fo far re-
covered, that he was able to declare, with divers con-
torfions of face, that the difh had a particular ranknefs
of tafte, which he had imputed partly to the nature of
the French coney, and partly to the compofition of their
fauces j then he inveighed againft the infamous practices
of French publicans, attributing fuch impofition to their
oppreilive government, which kept them fo neceffitous,.
that they were tempted to exercife all manner of knavery
upon their unwary guefts.
Jolter, who could not find in his heart to let flip any
opportunity of fpeaking in favour of the French, told
him that he was a very great ftranger to their police, elfe
he would know, that if upon information to the magif-
trate, it fliould appear that any traveller, native or fo-
reigner, has been impofed upon, or ill-treated by a publi-
can, the offender would be immediately obliged to fhut
up his houfe, and if his behaviour had been notorious,
he himfelf would be lent to the gallies, without the
leaft hefitation j and as for the diflj which has been made
the occafion of your prefent diforder, (faid he) I will
take upon me to affirm, it was prepared of a genuine
rabbit, which was (kinned in my prefence ; and in confir-
mation of what I affert, though fuch fricaffees are not
the favourites of my tafte, I will eat a part of this with-
out fcruple." So faying, he fwallowed feveral mouthfula
of the queftioned coney, and Pallet feemed to eye it
again with inclination j nay, he even refumed his knife
and fork, and being juft on the point of applying them,
was feized with another qualm of apprehenfion, that
broke out in an exclamation of, " After all, Mr. Jolter,
if it fhould be a real ram-cat Lord have mercy upon
me ! here Is one of the claws." With thefe words he
prefented the tip of a toe, of which Pipes had fnipt off
five or fix frorn a duck that was roafted, and purpofeiy
fcattered them in the fricaflee ; and the governor could
not behold this teftimonial without fymptoms of uneafi-
nefs and remorfe ; fo that he and the painter fat filenced
and abaihed, and made faces at each other, while the
jhyfician, who hated them both, exulted over their af-
fliction,
8z The ADVBNTURES f
fii&ion, bidding them be of good chear, and proceed
with their meal ; for he- was ready to demonftrate, that
the flefh of r cat was as nourifhing and delicious as veal
or mutton, provided they could prove, that the faid cat
was not of the boar-kind, and had fed chiefly on vegeta-
ble diet, or even confined its carnivorous appetite to rats
and mice, which he affirmed to be danties of exquifite
flavour. He faid, it was a vulgar miftake to think that
nil fieih-devouring creatures were unfit to be eaten ; \vit-
nefs the confumption of fwine and ducks, animals that
delight in carnage, as well as fifh, that prey upon each
other, and feed on bait and carrion: together with the
demand for bear, of which the beft hams in the world
are made. He then oblerved, that the Negroes on the
coaft of Guinea, who are a healthy and vigorous people
prefer cats and dogs to aU other fare ; and mentioned
from hiftory feveral fieges, during which the inhabitants
who were blocked up, lived upon thefe animals, and had
recourfe even to human flefh, which to his certain know-
ledge, was in all refpecls preferable to pork ; for, in the
courfe of his ftudies, he had for the experiment's fake,
eaten a fteak cut from the buttock of a perfon who had
been hanged.
This difTertation, far frsm composing, increafed the
difquiet in the ftomachs of the governor and paihterj
who hearing the laft illuftration, turned their eyes upon
the orator, at the fame inftant, with looks of horror and
difguft ; and the one muttering the term Cannibal, and
the other pronouncing the word abomination, they rofe
from table in a great hurry, and running towards ano-
ther apartment, juftled with fuch violence in the paflage,
that both were overturned by the fhock, which alfo con-
tributed to the effect of their naufea, that mutually de-
filed them as they lay.
CHAP. XLIX
JV#r is the pbyftcian f acred from his ridicule, ^ey reach
Arras, tvbere our adventurer engages in play ivitk
tivo French officers, ivko next morning give the land-
lord an interejling proof of their importance
THE doctor remained fullen and dejected during th
whole journey : not but that he attempted to re-
cover his importance, by haranguing upon the Rom?a
high
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 83
high ways, when Mr. Jolter defired the company to take
notice of the fine pavement upon which they travelled
from Paris into Flanders ; but Pallet, who thought he
-had now gained the afcendency over the phyfician ex-
erted himfelf in maintaining the fuperiority he had ac-
quire^ by venting various farcafms upon his felriconceit
and affedation of learning, and even uttering pans and
tailed. When he talked of the Flammian Way"*
ter queftioned if it was a better pavement than r
man way on which they travelled : and the dodor ha
obferved, that this road was made for the
of drawing the French artillery into Fb
was often the feat of war ; his competitor
with infinite vivacity, There are more great grms than
- French king knows of drawn alon| th: y
Encouraged by the fuccefi of thefe efforts, which
tickled the imagination of Joleer, and drew finiks (as he
imagined) of approbation from our hero, he (ported -n
many other equivoques of the fame nature ; and at din-
ner told the phyfician, that he was like the root of th
tongue, as being curfedly down in the mouth.
By this time, luch was the animofity fubfiftinz be-
tween thefe quondam friends, that they never coavfrfrf,
together, except with a view of expofing each otherTo
*ae : ridicule or contempt of their fellow-travellers The
dodor was at great pains to point out the folly and ig-
norance of Pallet in private to Peregrine, who was often
conjured ,n the fame manner by ^painter, to take no?
t;ce of the phyfician's want of manners and tafte PicW^
pretended to acquiefce in the truth of their mutual feve-
ntjr, wh,ch .ndeed was extremely juft, and by malicbw
inunuatiens blew up their contention, with^ view of
bringing ,t to o^en hoftilitjr. But, both feemed fo aveHe
we tfS d" 1 *? 1 ,? 1 " 1 ^ that f r d D S WSS
were baffled, and he could not fpirit them up to any
puchofrefentment higher than fcLilou* reparue
Berorethey reached Arras, the city gates^'flmt
-fo that they were obliged to take up their lodging at an"
^different houfe mtte fuburb,, where they found ^
^couple of French officers, who had alfo rotfcTpoft from
ftru, 10 far ca their way to Lifle. Thcfe gentlemen we
about
84 The ADVENTURES c/
about the age of thirty, and their deportment diftin-
guifhed by fuch an air of infolence, as difgufted our hero,
who neverthelefs, accofted them politely in the yard,
and prop fed tfcat they fhould fup together. They thank-
ed him for the honour of his invitation, which, however,
they declined, upon pretence of having ordered feme-
thing for themfelves ; but promifed to wait upon him and
his company immediately after their repaft.
This they accordingly performed ; and after having
drank a few glafles of Burgundy, one of them aflced, if
the young gentleman would, for paftime, take an hand
at quadrille. Peregrine eafily divined the meaning of
this propofal, which was made with no other view than
that of fleecing him and his fellow-travellers j for he
well knew to what fhifts a fubaltern in the French fer-
vice is reduced, in order to maintain the appearance of
a gentleman, and had renfon to believe that moft of
them were fharpers from their youth: but, as he depend-
ed a good deal upon his own penetration and addrefs, he
gratified the ftranger's defire ; and a party was inftantly
formed of the painter, the phyfician, the propofer and
himfelf, the other officer having profefTed himfelf utterly
ignorant of the game ; yet, in the courfe of the play,
he took his ftation at the back of Pickle's chair, which
was oppofite to his friend, on pretence of amufing him-
felf with feeing his manner of conducting the cards.
The youth was not fuch a novice but that he perceived
the defign of this palpable piece of behaviour, which,
notwithstanding, he overlook'd for the prefent, with a
view of flattering their hopes in the beginning, that
they might be the more effectually punifhed, by their
difappointment in the end.
The game was fcarce begun, when b/ the reflection
of a glafs he difcerned the officer at Iiis back, making
figns to his companion, who, by thefe pre-concerted
geltures, was perfectly informed of the contents of Pe-
regrine's hand, and of conlequence fortunate in the
courfe of play.
Thus they were allowed to enjoy the bruits of their
dexterity, until their money amounted to fome Loui's ;
when our young gentleman, thinking it high time to do
him'" . yiftice, fignifieu in very polite terms to the gen-
tleman wiio flood behind him, that he could never play
with
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 85
with eafe and deliberation when he was overlooked by
any by-ftander, and begg'd that he would have the good-
nefs to be feated.
As this was a remonftrance which the (hanger could
not with any (hew of breeding refift, he afked pardon,
and retired to the chair of the phyfician, who frankly
told him, that it was not the fafhion of his country for
one to fubmit his hand to the perufal of a fpedator ;
and when, in confequence of this rebuff, he wanted to
quarter hitnfelf upon the painter, he was refufed by a
wave of the hand, and a fhake of the head, with an ex-
clamation of, Pardwnez moil which was repeated with
fuch emphafis, as difcompofed his effrontery, and he
found himlelf obliged to fit down in a ftate of mortifica-
tion.
The odds being thus removed, fortune proceeded in
her ufual channel ; and though the Frenchman, deprived
of his ally, endeavoured to practiie divers flrokes of finefle,
the reft of the company obferved him with fuch vigilance
and caution, as baffled all his attempts, and in a very
little time he was compelled to part with his winning :
but having engaged in the match with an, intention of
taking all advantages, whether fair or unfair, that his
fuperior fkill fhould give him over the Englifhmen, the
money was not refunded without a thouland difputes, in
the courfe of which he eflayed to intimidate his antago-
nift with high words, v/hich were retorted by our hero
with fuch intereft, as convinced him that he had mifta*
ken his man, and perfuaded him to make his retreat in
quiet. Indeed, it was not without caufe that they repi-
ned at the bad fuccefs of their enterprize ; becaufe, in all
likelihood, they had nothing to depend upon for the pre-
fent but their own induflr/, and knew not how to dc
fray their expences on the road, except by fome acqui-
fition of this kind.
Next morning they rofe at day-break, and refolving to
anticipate their fellow-lodgers, befpoke poft horfes as
foon as they could be admitted into the city ; fo that
when our company appeared, their beafts were ready in
the yard ; and they only waited to difcufs the bill, which
they had ordered to be made out. The landlord of the
inn prefented his carte with fear and trembling o one of
thofe ferocious cavaliers, who no fooner caft his eye up-
Vo L. II. I
S6 Tic ADVENTURES of
on the fum total than he discharged a volley of dreadful
oaths, and afked if the king's ofhcers were to be treated
in that manner. The poor publican protefted with great
humility, that he had the utmoft refpec"l for his majefty,
and every thing that belonged to him ; and that, far from
confulting his own intereft, all that he defired was to
be barely indemnified for the expence of their lodging.
This condefcenfion feemed to have no other effect than
that of encouraging their arrogance. They fwore his
extortion (hould be explained to the commandant of the
town, who would, by making him a public example,
teach other inn-keepers how to behave towards men of
honour ; and threatened with fuch confidence of indig-
nation, that the wretched landlord, dreading the con-
iequence of -their wrath, implored pardon in the moft
nbjec~l manner, begging with many fupplications, that he
might have the pleafure of lodging them at his own charge.
This >was a favour which he with great difficulty obtain-
ed ; they chid him feverely for his impofition, exhorted
him to have more regard for his own confcience, as well
ns for the convenience of his guefts ; and cautioning him
in particular touching his behaviour to the gentlemen of
the army, mounted their horfes, and rode off in great
irate, leaving him very thankful for having fo fuccefsfullj
appeafed the cholar of two officers, who wanted either
inclination or ability to pay their bill : for experience had
taught him to be apprehenfive of all fuch travellers, who
commonly lay the landlord under contribution, by way of
atonement for the extravagance of his demands, even af-
ter he has profeffed his willingnefs to entertain them on
their own terms.
C H A P. L.
Peregrine moralizes upon their behaviour, which is con-
demned by the doflor, and defended by the governor.
They arrive in faftty fit Lifle, dine at an ordinary,
that had he not been retrained by certain considerations
which he could not poffibly wave, he fhould have embra-
ced their tenets, and begg'd admiffion into their, fraiec.tu-
ty : but, as the circumftances of his fate would n% per-
mit him to take fuch a falutary meafure for th^-^jreftaf,
ke intreated the good father to accept a fmall tpk^ft of
his
PEREGRINE PICKLE. lot
his love and refpect, for the benefit of that convent to
which he belonged. So faying, he pulled out a purfe or
ten guineas, which the Capuchin obferving, turned hij
head another way, and lifting up his arm, difplayed a
pocket ahnoft as high as his collar-bone, in which he
depofited the money.
This proof of arrection for the order produced a fud-
den and furprifmg effect upon the friar. In the tranfport
of his zeal he wrung this femi-convert's hand, fliowered a
thoufand benedictions upon his head, and exhorted him-,
with the tears flowing from his eyes, to perfect the great
work which the finger of God had begun in his heart ;
and as an inftance of his concern for the welfare of his
precious foul, the holy brother promifed to recommend
him ftrenuoufly to the pious admonitions of the young
woman under his care, who was a perfect faint upon
earth, and endued with the peculiar gift of mollifying the
hearts of obdurate finners. " O father ! (cryed the hv-
pocritical projector, who by this time perceived that his
money was not thrown away) if I could be favoured but
for one half hour with the private inftruction of that in-
fpired devotee, my mind prefages, that I fhould be a
ftray'd fheep brought back into the fold, and that I fhouiJ
find eafy entrance at the gates of heaven ! There is fome-
thing fupernatural in her afpect ; I gaze upon her with
the moft pious fervor, and my whole foul is agitated with
tumults of hope and defpair !" Having pronounced this
rhapfody with tranfport half natural and half aliecled,
the prieft affured him, that thefe were operations of the
fpirit, which muft not be repreifed ; and comforted him
with the hope of enjoying the bldicd interview which he
defired, protefting, that as far as his influence extended,
his wilh fiiould be that very evening indulged. The gra-
cious pupil thanked him for his benevolent concern, which
he fwore fliould not be fqutindered upon an* ungrateful ob-
ject ; and the reft of the company interrupting the con-
vcrfation, they returned in a body to the inn, where they
dined all together ; an*.! the lauies were pe:iua..eii to be
'our hero's euefts.
As the fubjects n:\ v.-li'^h thev far] ' - : '-
dinner \verr n
former the: PC replaced in
The palntc i hex ccnqi.:.
i2 The ADVRVTURES /
her fkill in the art of ogling, accompanied hy frequen f
bewitching fighs, and fome tender French fongs that fh e
fung with fuch pathetic expreflicm, as quite melted th e
refolution of Pallet, and utterly fubdued his affection :
and he, to convince her of the importance of her victory
gave a fpecimen of his own talents, by entertaining her
\vith that celebrated Englilh ditty, the burthen of which
begins with, The pigs they lie 'with their arfes bare.
CHAP. LIU.
He makes Jome progrefs in her affeftions ; is interrupted l-v
a dispute between Jolter and a Jew ; appeufes the ivrath
of the Capucbir.,
pany, our adventurer and his friends went out to take a
fuperficiai view of the place, leaving his new miftrefs to
the pious exhortations of her confeflbr, whom (as we
have already obferved) he had fecured in his intereft.
This zealous mediator fpoke fo warmly in his commen-
dation, and interefted her confcience fo much, in the af-
fair, that fhe could not refufe her helping hand to the
great work of his converfion, and promifed to grant
the interview lie defired.
This agreeable piece of intelligence, which the Capu-
chin communicated to Peregrine at his return, elevated-
his fpirits to iuch a degree, that he flione at fupper
with uncommon brilliance, in a thoufand falh'es of wit
and pleafantry, to the admiration and delight of all pre-
fent, efpecially of his fair Fleming, who. feemed quit*
captivated by his perfon and behaviour.
The evening being thus fpent to the fatisfacllon of all
parties, the company broke up,' and retired to their fe-
veral apartments, when our lover to his unfpeakable mor-
tification, learned that the two ladies were obliged to lie
in the fame room, all the other chambers of the inn be-
ing preoccupied. When he imparted this difficulty to
the
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 105
the prieft, that charitable father, who was very fruitful in
expedients, aflured him, that hisfpiritual concerns fhould
not be obthu&ed by fuch a flender impediment ; and ac-
cordingly availed himfelf of his prerogative, by going in-
to his daughter's chamber when (he was almoft undrefled,
and leading her into his own, on pretence of adminiftring
falutary food for her foul. Having brought the two vo-
taries together, he prayed for fuccefs to the operation!
of grace, and left them to their mutual meditations, af-
ter having conjured them in the moft folemn manner to
let no impure lentiments, or temptations of the flefh, in-
terfere with the hallowed defign of their meeting.
The reverend interceflbr being gone, and the door
fattened on the infide, the pfeudo-convert, tranfpor*ed
. ^P^^f^frrf Inrte^ouslorm ofaddreflc,
which the nature of their interview would not permit him
to obferve, began with all the impetuofity of love to
make the moft by the occafion. But whether (he was
difpleafed at the intrepidity and aflurance of his behavi*
our, thinking herfelf intitled to more court/hip and ref-
pedl, or was really better fortified with chaftity than he
or his procurer had fuppofed her to be ; certain it is,
(he exprefled refentment and furprize at his boldnefsand
prefumption, and upbraided him with having impofed
upon the charity of the friar. The young gentleman
was really as much aftonifhed at this rebuff, as fhe pre-
tended to be at his declaration, and earneftly intreated
her to confider how precious the moments were, and for
once facrafice fuperfluous ceremony, to the happinefs of
one who adored her with fuch a flame, as could not fail
to confume his vitals, if (he would not deign to blefs him
with her favour. Notwithftanding all his tears, vows
and fupplications, his perfonal accomplimments and the
tempting opportunity, all that he could obtain, was an
acknowledgement of his having made an impreflion upon
her heart, which /he hoped the dictates of her duty
would enable her to erafe. This confeffion he confidered
as a delicate confent; and obeying the impulfe of his love
fnatched her up in his arms, with an intention of feizing
that which (he declined to give; when this French Lucre-
tia, unable to defend her virtue any other way, fcreamed
aloud } and the Capuchin, fettinghis (boulder to the door
forced
1 06 The ADVENTURES of
forced it open, and entered in an affe&ed extacy of amaze-
ment. He lifted up his hands and eyes, and pretended
to be 'Lnnderftruck at the difcovery he had made ; then,
in broken i-xclamations, profeffed his horror at the wick-
ed intention of our hero, who had covered fuch a dam-
nable fcheme with the maflc of religion,
In inert, he performed his cue with fuch dexterity, that
the lady believing him in earneft, begg'd he would for-
give the (Iranger, on account of his youth and educati-
on, which had been tainted by the errors of herefy ; and
he was on thefe confiderations content to accept the fub-
miflion of our hero, who, far from renouncing his expec-
tations, notwithftanding this mortifying repulfe, confided
fo riuch in his own talents, and the confefHon which his
fort, & J ^F&1 f/'
utmoft turbulence of unruly dtfire.
CHAP. LIV.
He makes another effort towards the accompliftment cf his
ivi//\ ivhich is poftponed by a ft range accident,
HE directed his valet de chambre, who was a tho-
rough paced pimp, to kindle fome draw in the
yard, and then pafs by the door of her apartment, crying
with a loud voice that the houfe was on fire. This alarm
brought both ladies OM o r f heir chambers in a moment,
and Peregrin > talcing the advantage of their running to
the ftreet door, entered the room and concealed himtelf
ttndef a large table that <:ood in an unobferved corner.
The nymphs, as (QOI ? r!'"\ underftood the caufe of his
Mercury's fuppofed iffri^j , eturned to their apartment,
and having faid their ur..veis, undrefled themfelves and
\vent to bed. This fccn which fell under the obferva-
tion of Pickle, did not at ill contribute to the cooling of
his concupifcence, but on the contrary, inflamed him to
fuch a degree, that he could fcarce reftrain his impati-
ence, until by her breathing deep, he concluded the fei-
low-lodger of his Amanda was afleep. This welcome
note no fooner fainted his ears, than he crept to his char-
mer's bed-fide, and placing himfelf on his knees, gently
laid hold on her white hand, and prefled it to his lips.
She had juft begun to cldfe her eyes, and enjoy the agree-
able opprfllon of (lumber, when the wa* routed by thia
rape
PEREGRINE P I C K L R. 107
rape, at which fhe darted pronourrcing in a tone of fur-
prifc and difmay, " My God ! who's that ?" The lover,
with the moll iniinuating humility, befought her to hear
him ; vowing that his intention in approaching her thu.s,
was not to violate the laws of decency, or that indeliable
elteem which fhe had engraven on his heart ; but to ma-
nifeft his forrow and contrition for the umbrage he had
given, to pour forth the overflowings of his foul, and tell
her that he neither could nor would furvive her difplea-
fure. Thefe and many more pathetic proteftations, ac-
companied with fighs and tears, and other expreffions of
grief, which our hero had at command, could not fail to
melt the tender heart of the amiable Fleming, already
prepoflefTed in favour of his qualifications. She fympa-
thized fo much with his affliction, as to weep in her turn,
when fhe reprefented the impoffibility of her rewarding
his paflion ; and he feixing the favourable moment, -rein-
forced his follicitations with fuch irrefiftible tranfports,
that her refolution gave way, fhe began to breathe quick,
exprefled her fear of being over heard by the other lady,
and with an ejaculation of " O heavens ! I'm undone :"
fuffered him, after a faint ftruggle, to make a lodgment
upon the covered way of her bed. Her honour however
was fecured for the prefent, by a ftrange fort of knocking
upon the wainfcot, at the other end of the room, hard-
by the bed in which the female adventurer lay.
Surprixed at this circumftance, the lady begged him for
.heaven's fake to retreat, or her reputation would be rui-
ned for ever : but when he repreiented to her, that her
character would run a much greater rifle, if he fhould be
detected in withdrawing, fhe confented with great trepi-
dation to his flay, and they liilened in filence to the fe-
quel of the noife that alarmed them. This was no other
than in expedient of the painter, to awaken the Dulcinea
with whom he had made an affignation, or at leaft inter"
changed fuch fignals as he thought amounted to a firm
appointment. His nymph being diflurbed in her full fleep,
immediately underftood the found, and true to the asree-
nient, rofe, and unbolting the door as foftly as polfible,
gave him admittance, leaving it open for his more com-
modious retreat.
While this happy gallant was employed in difengaging
himfelf from the difhabille in which he had entered, the
Capuchin
1 08 The ADVENTURES of
Capuchin fufpecting that Peregrine would make another
attempt upon his charge, had crept filently to the apart-
ment, in order to reconnoitre, left the adventure fhould
be atchieved without his knowledge ; a circumftance that
would deprive him of the profits he might expect from
his privity and concurrence. Finding the door unlatched,
his lufpicion was confirmed, and he made no fcruple of
creeping into the chamber on all four ; fo that the pain-
ter having dripped himfelf to the fhirt, in groping about
for his Dulcinea's bed, chanced to lay his hand upon the
fhaven crown of the father's head, which by a circular mo-
tion, the prieft began to turn round in his grafp, like a
ball in a focket, to the (urprife and confirmation of poor
Pallet, who having neither penetration to comprehend the
cafe, nor refohition to withdraw his fingers from this
ihange object of his touch, flood fweating in the dark,
and venting ejaculations with great devotion. The fri-
ar tired with this exercife, and the painful pofture in
which he (looped, raifed himfelf gradually upon his feet,
heaving up at the fame time the hand of the painter,
whofe terror and amazement increafed to fuch a degree
at this unaccountable elevation, that his faculties began
to fail ; and his palm in the confufion of his fright fliding
over the prieiVs forehead, one of his fingers happened to
flip into his mouth, and was immediately fecured between
the Capuchin's teeth, with as firm a fixture, as if it had
been fcrewed in a blackfmith's vice. The painter was fo
much difordered by this fudden fn?.p, which tortured him
to the bone, that forgetting all other confederations, he
roared aloud, " Murder ! fire ! a trap, a trap ! help,
chriftians, for the love of God help." Our hero con-
founded by thefe exclamations, which he knew would
foon fill the room with fpeftators, and incenfed at his own
mortifying difappointment, was obliged to quit the un-
tafted banquet, and approaching the caufe of his misfor-
tune, juft as his tormentor had thought proper to releafe
his finger, difcharged fuch a hearty (lap between his fhoul-
ders, as brought him to the ground with hideous bellow-
ing, then retiring unperceived, to his own chamber, was
one of the firft who returned with a light, on pretence of
having been alarmed with his cries. The Capuchin had
taken the fame precaution, and followed Peregrine into
the room, pronouncing Brnfdicite, and eroding himfelf
with
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 109
with many marks of afton I/foment. The phyfician and
Jolter appearing at the fame time, the unfortunate pain-
ter was found lying naked on the floor, in all the agony
of horror and di (may, blowing upon his left hand, that
hung dangling from the elbow. The circumftance of his
being found in that apartment, and the attitude of his af-
flidtion, which was extremely ridiculous, provoked the
doftor to a fmile, and produced a fmall relaxation in the
feverity of the governor's countenance ; while Pickle tef-
tifying furprize and concern, lifted him from the ground,
and enquired into the caufe of his prefent fituation. Hav-
ing, after fome recollection, and fruitlefs endeavours to
fpeak, recovered the ufe of his tongue, he told them thr-.t
the houfe was certainly haunted by evil fpirits, by which
he had been conveyed (he knew not how) into that apart-
ment, and afflicted with all the tortures of hell : that one
of them had made itfelf fenfible to his feeling, in the
fliape of a round ball of finoothflefli, which turned round
under his hand, like an aitronomer's globe, and then ri-
fmg up to a furprifing height, was converted into a ma-
chine that laid hold on his finger, by a ihap, and having
pinned him to the fpot, he continued for fome moments
in unfpeaLible agony. At laft he faid the engine itemed
to melt a way from his finger, and he, received a airmen
thwack upon his ihoulders, as if difchar^ed by the arm of
a giant, which overtK.-ew him in an initant upon the floor.
The pried hearing this ftrange account, pulled out of one
of his pouches a piece of confecrated candle, which he
lighted immediately, and muttered certain myfterious
conjurations. Jolter, imagining that Pallet was drunk,
fliook his head, faying, he believed the fpirit was no
where bu: in his own brain. The phyfician, for once,
connefccnu, 1 to be a wag, and looking towards one of
the beds, obi'erved, that in his opinion, the painter had
been mifled by the flefli, and not by the fpirit. The fair
Fleming lay in fiient altonifliment and aifright ; and her
fellow-loager, in ouler to acquit herfeli of all fu'pirion,
exclaimed with incredible- volubility, again tl the author of
this uoroar, who (flie aid not doubt) h.iu concealed him-
felfin the apartment with a view or' perpetrating fome
wrcked attempt upon her precious virtue, and was puni:?i-
ed and prevented by the immediate intevpofitioa of hea-
ven. At her defire, therefore, and at the earnelt iulidtati-
VOL. II. L on
i i o 'The ADVENTURES of
on of the other lady, he was conduced to his own bed*
find the chamber being evacuated, they locked their door*
fullv refolved to admit no more viiitants for that night :
while Peregrine, mad with feeing the delicious morfel>
ihatched (as it were from his very lip, ftalked through the
pafTage,_like aghoft, in hope of finding fome opportunity
of re-entering, till the day beginning to break, he was
obliged to retire, curling the ideotical conduct of the
^painter, which had fo unluckily interfered with his de-
light.
CHAP. LV.
^7vy depart from Ghent. Our hero engages in a political
difpute ivith bis mtftfejt, lubom he offends, and paci-
fies whimper, forbad our hero to clefpair.
HAP, LVL
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 115
CHAP. LVI.
The French coquet entraps the heart of the Jew, agaitift
whom Pallet enters into a confpiracy ; by 'which Pere-
grine is again difappointed, and the Hebrew's inconti-
nence expofed.
MEAN while the French fyren, baulked in her defign'
upon her Englifh cully, who was fo eafily dif-
heartened, and hung his ears in manifeft defpondence,
rather than run the rifque of making a voyage that fhould
be altogether unprofitable, refolved topra&ife her charms
upon the Dutch merchant. She had already made fuch
innovationupon his heart, that he cultivated her with pe-
culiar complacency, gazed upon her with a moft libidi-
nous ftare, and unbended his afpect into a grin that was
truly Ifraelitifh. The painter faw, and was offended at
this correfpondence, which he confidered as an infult
upon his misfortune, as well as an evident preference of
his rival; and, confcious of his own timidity, fwallowed
an extraordinary glafs, that his invention might be fti-
rnulated, and his refolution raifed to the contrivance and
execution of fome fcheme of revenge. The wine, how-
ever, failed in the expected effect, and without infpiring
him with the plan, ferved only to quicken his defire of
vengeance ; fo that he communicated his purpofe to his
friend Peregrine, and begged his ailiftance ; but our young
gentleman- was too intent upon his own affair, to mind
the concerns of any other perfon, ancl he declining to be
engaged in the project, Pallet had recourfe to the genius
Oi Pickle's valet.de chambre, who readily embarked in
the undertaking, and invented a plan, which was 'execu-
ted accordingly.
The evening being pretty fur advanced, and the com-
pany feparated into their refpeclive apartments, Pickle
repaired, in all the impatience of youth and defire, to the
chamber of his charmer, and finding the door unbolted,
entered in a tranfport of joy. By the light of the moon,
which {hone through the window, lie v. cis conduced to
her bed, which he approached in the utmou agitation,
and perceiving her to all appearance afleep, effuyed to
wake her with a gentle kifs ; but this method proved in-
effectual, becaufe (he was determined to lave heifelf the
confufioii of being an accomplice in his guflt 'He re-
peated the application, murmured a moil paffionate fa-
lutation
r r6 The ADVENTURES of
lutation in her ear, and took fuch other gentle methods
of fignifying his prefence, as perfuaded him that fhe was
refolved to fleep, in fpite of all his endeavours: flufhed
with this agreeable fuppofition, he locked the door, in
order to prevent interruption, and ftealing himfelf under
the cloaths, fet fortune at defiance, while he held the fair
creature circled in his arms.
Neverthelefs, near as he feemed to be to the happy
accomplifliment of his defire, his hope was again fruftra-
ted by a fearful noife, which in a moment waked his
Amanda in a fright, and for the prefent engaged all his
attention. His valet de chambre, whom Pallet had con-
fulted as a confederate, in his revenge againtl the lady of
pleafure and her Jewifli gallant, had hired of certain Bo-
hemians, who chanced to lodge at the inn, ajack-afs a-
dorned with bells, which, when every body was retired
to reft, and the Hebrew fuppofed to be bedded with his
miftrefs, they led up-ftairs into a long thoroughfare, from
which the chambers were detached on each fide. The
painter, perceiving the lady's door ajar, according to his
expectation, mounted t^is animal, with intention to ride
into the room, and diiturb the lovers in the midft of
their mutual endearments; but the afs, true to his kind,
finding himfelf beftrid by an unknown rider, inftead of
advancing, in obedience to his conductor, retreated back-
wards to the other end of the paifage, in fpite of all the
efforts of the painter, who fpurred, and kicked, and pum-
melled to no purpofe. It was the noife of this contention
between Paller -and the afs, which invaded the ears of
Peregrine and his miftrefs, neither of whom could form
theleaft rational conjecture about the caufe of fuch ftrange
ditlurbance, which increased as the animals approached
their apartment. At length, the Bourrique's retrograde
motion was bbftrucred by their door, which it forced
open, in a twinkling, with one kick, and entered with
fuch complication of found, as terrified the lady almoft
ir.to a fit, and threw her lover into the utmoft perplexity
and confufion. The painter, finding himfelf thus violent-
ly intruded into the bed-chamber of he knew not whom,
and dreading the refentment of the poffeflbr, "who might
difchargea piftol at him.^3 a robber who-had broke into
his apartment, was overwhelmed wkh confternatkm, and
redoubled his exertion to accompliili a fpeedy retreat,
fweatiag
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 117
fweatlng all the time with fear, and putting up petitions
to henven for liisfafety; but has obftmate companion,
regardk-fs of his fituation, inuead of fubmitting 'o his
conduct, began to turn round like a milftone, the united
found of his feet and bells producing a raoft iurprifing
concert. The unfortunate rider, whirled about in this
manner, would have quitted his feat, and left the beaft to
his own amufement, but the rotation was fo rapid, that
the terror of a fev^re fall hindered him from attempting
to difmount, and in the defperation of his heart, he
fer/ed one of its ears, which he pinched fo unmercifully,
that the creature fet up his throat, and brayed aloud.
This hideous exclamation was no fooner heard by the
fair Fleming, already chilled with panic, and prepared
with fuperftition, than, believing herfelf vifited by the
devil, who was permitted to punifh her for her infidelity
to the marriage-bed, (he uttered a fcream, and began to
repeat her paternofter with a loud voice. Her lover,
finding himfelf under the neceflity of retiring, flatted up,
and ftung with the molt violent pangs of rage and ciiiap-
pointment, ran directly to the fpot from whence this dia-
bolical noife feemed to proceed. There encountering
the afs, he difcharged fuch a volley of blows at him and
his rider, that the creature carried him off at a round '
trot, and they roared in unifon all the way. Having thus
cleared the room of fuch difagreeable company, he went
back to his miftrefs, and alluring her, that this was only
fome foolifh prank of Pallet, took his leave, with a pro-
mi fe of returning after the quiet of the inn fliould be re-
eftablifhed.
In the mean time the noife of the Bourrique, the cries
of the painter, and the lady's fcream, had alarmed the
whole houfe; and the afs, in the precipitation of his re-
treat, feeing people with lights before him, took fhelter
in the apartment for which he was at firft defigned, juft
as the Levite, aroufed at the uproar, had quitted his
Dulcinea, and was attempting to recover his own cham-
ber, unperceived. Seeing himfelf oppofed by fuch an
animal, mounted by a tall, meagre, lanthorn-jawed figure,
half naked, with a white night cap upon his head, which
added to the natural palenefs of his complexion, the
Jew was forely troubled in mind, and believing it to be
an apparition of Balaam and his afs, fled backward with
a nimble
1 1 8 T/'f ADVENTURES if
a nimble pace, and crept under the bed, where he lay
concealed. Mr. jolterand theprieft, \vho were the fore-
moil of tho r e who had been aroufed "by the noife, were
not unmoved when thev (aw fuch a fpeclacle ruflring into
this chamber, from whence the lady of pleafure began to
frriek. The governor made a full halt, and the Capuchin
discovered no inclination to proceed. They were (how-
ever) by the prefTure of the crowd that followed them,
thruft forward to the door, through which the vifion en-
tered j and there Jolter, with great ceremonv, compli-
mented his reverence with the pas, befeeching him to
walk in The mendicant was too courteous and humble
to accept this preheminence, and a very earneft ditpute
enfued ; during which the afs, in the courfe of his cir-
cuit, fhewed himfelr" and rider, and in a trice decided the
conteft ; fer, ftruck with this fecond glimpfe, both, a,t
one inftant, fprung backward with fnch force, as over-
turned their next men, who communicared the impulfc
to thole that ftood behind them, and thefe again to
others; fo that the whole pafTage was ftrewed with a.
long file of people, that lay in a line, like the fequel and
dependance of a pack cf cards. In the midft of this ha-
vock, our hero returned from his own room, with an air
of aftonifhmc-nt, aiHng the came of this uproar. Receiv-
ing fuch hints of intelligence as Joker's consternation
would permit him to give, he fnatched the candle out of
his hand, and advanced into the haunted chamber with-
out hei! ration, being followed by all prefent, who broke
forth into a. long -and loud peal of laughter, when they
perceived the ludicrous fource of their dilquiet. The
painter himfelf made an effort to join their mirth, but he
had been fo harrowed by fear, and frnart^d fo ir.u.h with
the pain of the cifcipline he had received from Pickle,
that he could not, with all his endeavour, vanqui/h the
ruefulnefs of his countenance. Hi? attempt icrved only
to increafe the aukwaronefs of his firufetion, which was
not at all mended by the behaviour or the coquette, who,
furious with her difappointment, flipped on a petticoat
and bed-gown, and fpringing upon him, like another
Hecuba, with her nails, deprived all one fide of his nofe
of the fkin, and would not have left him an eye to fee
thro', if fome of the company had net reloued him from
ker unmerciful talons. Provoked at this outrage; as well
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 119
as by her behaviour to him in the Diligence, he publick-
ly explainer his intention in entering her chamber in this
equipage ; and milling the Hebrew among the fpeftators,
aiTured them, that he mull have abfconued fomewhere in
the apartment. In purfuance of this intimation, the
room was immediately iearched.and the mortified Levite
pulled by tue heels from his lurking place ; fo that Pallet
had the good fortune, at laft, to transfer the laugh from
himlelf to his rival, and the French inamorata, who ac_
cordingly underwent the ridicule of the whole audience.
CHAP. LVII.
Pallet, endeavouring to unravel the myjlery of the treat-
ment he had received, falls out of the frying pan int
the fre.
NEve, thelefs, Pallet was ftill confounded, and c' ag-
rined by one confideration, which was no < her
than that ot his having been fo roughly handled in he
chamber, belonging (as he found upon enquiry) to cue
handfome young lady, who was under the Capuchin's di-
recVion. He recollected, that the door was raft locked,
when his beatl burfl it open, and he had no reaion to be-
lieve that any perfon followed him in his irruption: on
the other hand, he could not imagine, that men a gentle
creature would either attempt to commit, or be able to
execute iuch a defperate alfault as that which his body
had fuftained; and her demeanour was fo modetr. and
circumfpeft, that he durft not harbour-the leaft iufpicion
of her virtue.
Thefe reflexions bewildered him in the labyrinth of
thought: he rummaged his whole imagination, endea-
vouring to account lor what happened. At length he
concluded, that either Peregrine, or the devil, or both,
mutt have been at the bottom f the whole affair, and
determined, for the fatisfation of hiscuriofity, to watch
our hero's motions, during the remaining part of the
night, fo narrowly, that his conduct, myllerious as it
was, Ihould not be able to elude his penetration.
With thete fentiments he retired to his own room,
after the afs had been reftored to the right owners, and
the prielr, had vjfited and confirmed his fair ward, who
had been almoll diftrafted with fear. Silence no (boner
prevailed again, than he crawled darkling towards her
door,
izo The ADVENTURES of
door, and huddled himfelf up in an obfcure corner, from
whence he might obferve the ingrefs or egrefs of any hu-
man creature. He had not long remained in this poflure,
when, fatigued with this adventure, and that of the pre-
ceding night, his faculties were gradually overpowered
with {lumber, and falling faft afleep, he began to fnore
like a whole congregation of prefbyterians. The Flemifh
beauty hearing this difcordant noife in the paflage, began
to be afraid of fome new alarm, and very prudently bolted
her door : fo that when her lover wanted to repeat his
vifit, he was not only furprifed and incenfed at this dif-
agreeable ferenade, the author of which he did not know;
but when, compelled by his paiTion, which was by this
time wound to the higheft pitch, he ventured to approach
the entrance, he had the extreme mortification to find
himfelf fhut out. He durft not knock, or fignify his pre-
fence in any other manner, on account of the lady's re-
putation, which would have greatly fuffered, had the
fnorer been waked by his endeavours. Had he known
that the perfon who thus thwarted his views, was the
painter, he would have- taken fome effectual ftep to re-
move him; but he could not conceive what fhould in-
duce Pallet to take up his refidence in that corner; nor
could he uie the alliftance of a 'ight, to diitinguifh him,
becaufe there was not a candle burning in the houfe.
It is impoliible to defcribe the rage and vexation of our
hero, while he continued thus tantalized upon the brink
ofblifs, after his dcfire had been exafperated by the cir-
cumilances of his two former difappo'ntments. He eja-
culated a thouland execiations a t inu his own fortune,
curfed all his iellow travellers, without exception, vow-
ed revenge again ft the paiater, who had twice confounded
his moft interring fchenie, and was temptc-. 4 to execute
immediate vengeance upon the unknown caufe of his pre-
fent miscarriage. In this agony of diftraclion did he
fweat n\o whole hours in the palVage, though not with-
out fome iaint hope of bting delivered from his tormen-
tor, who (he imagined) upon wj-.king, wouk undoubtedly
fhiit his quarters, and leave the field free to his Jeftgns ;
but when he heard" the cock repeat hi,- --dotation to the
morn, which began to open on the rear of night, he
could no longer reftrain hi* indignation. Going to his
own chamber, he filled a balin with cold \\aier, and,
Handing
PEREGRINE PICKLE, i - :
flandingat fome diftance, difchargcd it full in the face of
the gaping fnofer, who, over arid above the furpriit oc-
cafioned by the application, was almoft Allocated by the
liquor that entered his mouth, and ran down into Lit
wind-pipe. While he gafped like a peribn hah" crowned,
without knowing the nature of his differ, or reiucr.i-
bring the fituation in which he fell afleep, Peregrine re-
tired to his own door, an J, to his no fmall ailoniflmient,
from a long howl that invaded his ears, learned that the
patient was no other than Pallet, who had now, for the
:third time, baulked his good fortune.
Enraged at the complicated trefpaffes of this unfortu-
nate offender, he rufned from hisapartment with a horic-
whip, and encountering the painter in his flight, over-
turned him in the paifage. There he exerciicd the in-
ibument of his wrath with great feverity, on pretence of
miftaking him for fonie presumptuous cur, which hud
difturbed the repofe of the inn; nay, when he called
aloud for mercy in a fupplicating tone, and his chafcif^r
could no longer pretend to treat him as a quadrupeJ,
fuch was the virulence of the young gentleman's indig-
nation, that he could not help declaring his fatisfactio
by telling Pallet he had richly defer ved the punii'uiient he
had undergone, for his madrtefs, folly and inn ei tinentc,
in contriving and executing fuch icle fcncuic-s, as had no
other tendency than that of plaguing his ntl^iiboi. is.
Pallet protefted with great vehemence, that hf was ia-
no,:ent as the child unborn or" an iiueni ion to give um-
brage to any perfon whatever, except the Hal-lite and
his doxy, who he knew had incurred his di -piea.;u,e.
*' But, as God is my Saviour! (laid he) 1 believe 1 am
persecuted with witchcraft, and btgin to thii,!c that
uamned prieft is an agent of the devil; for he has bt-i-n
but tv^o nights in our company, curing which I have not
clofed an eye, but on the contrary have b-vn toimcnu-d
by all the riends of hell." i'ickle pesviflily replied, ti),it
his torments had been occasioned by his o-.vn tofjiiili ima-
gination; and a(kcd how he came to howl in tnat cor-
ner. The painter, who did not think proper to OV.T. tii-c;
truth, faid, that he had been transported thither, by i.,in<:
preternatural conveyance, and lou ed in water i-.v ;in i:;-
viiibie hand. The youth, in hope of pro:mn:' b, i.i.. a *-
knee, auvifed him io i',;i;c immcuia;ci; k o i.is oj. 1 an^
K. Al ' ^ "
122 The ADVENTURES /
by fleep ftrive to comfort his brain,which feemed to be net
a little difordered by the want of that refrefhment. Pallet
himielf began to be very much of the fame way of think-
ing, and in compliance with fuch wholefome counfel, be-
took himfelf to reft, muttering prayersall the way for the
recovery of his own underftanding.
Pickle attended him to his chamber, and locking him
up, put the key in his own pocket, that he might not
have it in his power to interrupt him again : but in his
return be was met by Mr. Joker and the doctor, who
had been a fecond time alarmed by the painter's cries,
and come to enquire about this new adventure. Half
frantic with fuch a feries of difappointments, he curfed
them in his heart for their unieafonable appearance.
When they queftioned him about Pallet, told them he
had found him ftark flaring mad, howling in a corner and
wet to the Ikin, and conducted him to his room, where
he was now abed. The phyfician hearing this circum-
ftar.ce, made a merit of his vanity, and under pretence
of concern for the patient's welfare, defired "he" might
Iiave an opportunity of examining the fymptoms of his dif-
order, without lo is of time; alledging, that many difealea
might have been flitted in the birth, which afterwardi
baffied all the endeavours of the medical art. The young
gentleman accordingly delivered the key, and once more
withdrew into his own chamber, with a view of feizing
the firlr. occafion that fhould prefent itfelf of renewing
his replication to his Amanda's door; while the doctor,
in his way to Pallet's apartment, hinted to the governor
his fufpicion, thnt the patient laboured under that dread-
ful fymptom called the hydrophobia, which he obferved
had foir.etimcs appeared in perfons who were not pre-
vioufly bit by a mad dog. This conjecture he founded
upon the howl he uttered when he was foufed with wa-
ter, and begin to recollect certain circumftances of the
pointer's behaviour for fome days paft, which now he
could plainly perceive had prognofticated fome fuch ca-
He then afcribed the diftemper to the violent
. f.iglus he h: ; .u lately undergone, affirmed that the affair
of the lir.lt He hi^'niade fuch a violent incroachment
ir.g, that his manner of thinking and
fptuking V.T;S ir.twely altered. By a theory of his own
invention,
FEREGRINE PICKLE. 123
invention, he explained the effe&s of tear upon a loofe
fyftem of nerves, and demonftrated the modus in which
the animal fpirits operate upon the ideas and power of
imagination.
This difpofition, which was communicated at th
painter's door, might have lafted till breakfaft, had not
folter reminded him of his own maxim, Venienti occur-
ritt morbo ; upon which he put the key to immediate
life, and they walked foftly towards the bed, where the
patient lay extended at full length in the arms of fleep.
The phyfician took notice of his breathing hard, and his
mouth being open ; and from thefe diagnoftics declared,
that the liquiduin nervofum was intimately affected, and
the faliva impregnated with the fpiculated particles of
the virus, howfoever contracted. This fentence waa
ftill farther confirmed by the ftate of his pulfe, which
being full and flow, indicated an opprefled circulation,
from a lofs of elafticity in the propelling arteries. He
gropofed, that he ftould immediately fuffer a fecond af- .
perfion of water, which would not only contribute to
the cure, but alfo fertify them beyond all pofllbility of
doubt, with regard to the ftate of the dileafe : for it
would evidently appear, from the manner in which he
would bear the application, whether or not his horror
of water amounted to a confirmed hydrophobia. Mr.
Jolter, in compliance with this propofal, began to empty
a bottle of water, which he found in the room in a bafin;
when he was interrupted by the prefcriber, who advifed
him to ufe the contents of the chamber-pot, which being
impregnated with fait, would operate more effectually
than pure element. Thus directed, the governor lifted
np the vefTel; which was replete with medicine, and
with one turn of his hand difcharged the whole healing
inundation upon the ill-omen'd patient, who waking in
the utmoft dittraftion of horror, yellowed moft hideoufly,
juft at the time when Peregrine had brought his miilrefs
to a parley, and entertained hopes of being admitted in-
to her chamber.
Terrified at this exclamation, fhe inftantly broke off
the treaty, befteching him to retire from the door, that
ker honour might receive no injury from his being found
in that place ; and he had juil enough of recollection
toft to fee the necellity of obeying the order ; in confor-
M 2 miry
I 24 TV A t> V E V T U R Z S f
i! itv to which he retreated, well nigh deprived of his
J-.-n'es, and alniolt perfuaded, that fo imny unacrounta-
l-'f uifappoiiitmenrs tnuft: have proceeded from fome fn-
p-rmniral cr.ufe, of which the ideot Fallat was no more
tL'in the involuntary infhument.
Iv'can while, the doctor hiving afcerrained the malrdy
o r rh.> Tjp.tie-" 11 ', whofe cries, interrupted by frennent foHs
iiisd r^hs, h, iuferpretrd into the barking of a tiog ; and
1- ;vn?ir no n-ore '"alt-w.Tr ar h?nd, resolved to renew the
I -th v. iiH furh rrorerhls ns chance vonld a'ford. JTe
: . *li:-.H;- lr : K J . ho!iS of the b.mfe and bafin: but by this
t : -:ic th: pri.-.ter hr.d recovered the i;fe o 1 "" his fenics fo
v :!! 3? fr pcfcftVS his d^i t ; ard ftaiting up like a fiT;-
t'j B:- 4 !- li-ite, if^n cireclly to bis fwo^c 1 , f'.vefiring with
r .r. ny horti<.i fitipr^c^tJorei, thit he would murder them
i :-,:h i:r-Kific l i rely, if he fhoi'W be hanged before dinner.
\ hey-Jij not chu r e to wait the ilfue of his treat, tut rc-
tl-er! v.i'h fv.cb precipitation, that the phyfican hnd almoll
'."orated his /Isonlder, by running againd one fiJe of the
nt-ry. J(;!ter hiving pulled the door a r ter him, and
f?,;nc.i the k-'y. betook himfelf to flight, roaring aloud
for nn;[ffvnce. His college feeing the door fecured, va-
1-ied himfelf upon his refoh>*ion, and exhorted him to rc^
torn ; declaring? that for his own part, he was more
s.frai.i of the madman's teeth than of his weapon, and
s-.ln'iO'Mihing the governor to re enter, and execute what
tVy had left undone. " Go in (laid he) without fear cr
r fprchenfton, snd if any accident frail happen to you,
t : tber from Ms flaver or his Avord, I \vill allill you v/tth
r.y advice, which from this ftition I can more cooly and
ciiftin^tlv r.Jininiitcr, than I fhould be able to fupply, if
i"iy I'leas verc ciilurbed, or my attention engaged in any
p rfonal concern."
Jolicr, who could make ro objection to the juftnefs
of the concluflon, frankly owned, that he had no inclina-
tion to try the experiment; obfem'ng, that felf prefer-
\alionwas the firft law of nature ; that his connexions
\vith the unhappy lunatic were but flight, and that it
could not berea'bnably expected, that he would run fuch
r'lks for his fcrvice, as were declined by one who had
fjt cut v. ith from England on the footing of a companion.
This infmuation introduced a difpute upon the nature of
Lcoe.clence and the cioral fcnfe, vvhick (the rupublican
argued)
PEREGRINE P I C K L K. 125
argaed) exifted independent of any private confidemtiow
and could never be affefted by any contigenl circumftance
of time and fortune ; while the other, who abhorred his
principles, aflferted the duties and excellence of private
friendship, with infinke rancour of altercation.
During the hotteft of the argument, they were joined
by the Capuchin, who being ailonifhed to fee them thus
virulently eagaged at the door, and to hear the painter
bellowing within the chamber, conjured them in th
name of God to tell him the caufe of that confufion, ,
which had kept the whole houfe in continual alarm during
the beft part of the night, and fecmed to be the immedi-
ate work of the devil and his angels. When the gover-
nor gave him to underftand, that Pallet was vifited with
an evil fpirit, he muttered a prayer of St. Antonio de
Padua, and undertook to cure the painter, provided he '
could be fecured fo as that he might, without danger to
himfelf burn part of a certain relick under his nofe, which
he allured them was equal to the miraculous power of
Eleazar's ring. They expreffed great curiofity to know
what this treafure was ; and the pried was prevailed
upon to tell them in confidence, that it was a collection
of the pairings of the nails belonging to thofe two mad-
men whom Jefus purged of the legion of devils that af-
terwards entered the (wine. So faying, he pulled from
one of his pockets a fmaifbox, containing about an ounce
of the pairings of an horfe's hoof; at fight of which the
governor could not help fmiling, on account of the grofT-
nefs of the impoiition. The doflor alked, with a fuper-
cilious fmile, whether thofe maniacs whom jefus cured,
were of the forrel complexion, or dapple grey; for,
from the texture of thefe parings, he could prove, that
the original ov/ners were' of the quadruped order, and
even difliguifh, that their feet had been fortified with
flioes of iron.
The mendicant, who bore an inveterate grudge ajf?.inft
this fon of yEfcuIapins, ever iince he had mace o free
\vith the catholic religion, replied with great biricrncfa
that he was a wretch with whom no Chrrftian oupi.t to
communicate ; that the vengeance of heaven woulu one-
day overtake him on account of his profanity; aiu. that
his heart was fhocl with a metal much harder than iron,
which nothing but hell-fire would be uble to melt.
U 3. I*
i z 5 77>.? A D v E K T i; R E s of
It war row broad day, and all the fervants of the irm
T ere a foot. Peregrine, feeing it would be impoflible
to obtain anv fcrt of indemnification for the time he had
loft, and the perturbation of his fpirits hindering him
from enjoying repofe, v.-hich was, moreover, obftrufted
ly the 'noifc of Pallet and his attendants, put on hit
rloaths at once, and in exceeding ill humour arrived at
the fpot where this triumvirate ftood debeating about the
rieans o'" overpowering the furious painter, who ftil! con-
tinued his fong of oaths and execrations, and made fun-
dry efforts to break open the door. Chagrin'd as our he-
ro was, he could not help laughing when he heard how
the patient had been treated ; and his indignation chang-
ing into conipaffion, he called to him through the keyhole,
eefiring to know the reafon of his c ill rafted behaviour.
]'a!let no fooner recognised Ms voice, than lowering his
cwn to a whimpering tone, " My clear friend, (faid he)
I have at laft detected the njftans who have perfecuted
me fo much. I caught them in the fact of fuffocating me
v. iih cold water ; and by the Lord ! I will he revenged,
r rr,ay I never live to fin'fli rny Cleopatra. For the love
of Cod ! o^en the door, and I v ill niaka trut conceited
} igan, that f rete ne'er to t.ifie, that falfe devotee of the
sncjcntSj \vho poisons people wiJi fJlykickabi^s and de-
v'l's dung ; I fay, I \vili make him a monument of my
\./ra:h, and an example to a!! the cheats and impoRors of
the faculty : and as for that thick h:-adeu ir.ibknt pedant
l.is confeJerate, who emptied my own Jordan upon me
\ liiie i (l:pt, he had better have been in hia beloved Pa-
r.i, b-otcJuiig Tchen.es for hii fiu-nd tae precendcr, thaiv
i.icu: the eft-'cftsof my rtfentmtnt, GaJibodikir.s ! 1 won't
! -i.: ,- l;::a -a v/Iiid-pipt for the hangma:: to f-op, at the
t :v.' &'"i ; .:c : hcr rebellion."
I !ok!u t'.L i in:, his convluct had been fo extravagant,
i to r .!:",: u; the whole company In the belief, tLat hi"
.'cpiivcd of lik {(jiiTes ; on v.hicL fuppofuion,
, J the (.A.O.or had afted the part c/frisnds,
. . which they tlicugiit mcfl conducive to his
:: t fheij LOrcoru ireritcd Lib tha;J:.u! ac-
. iiiilead of 1 .. iVttnri-.- Licr.aces : that tar
. be v."0u!d L-J the f/H tu cornitmn hi.n, :-.s
. : his \,it;, ar.d give o.clers for L's be-
i i :.. : Kidafaa, u:.!.^. L; v.-julJ i.;:.:.vd:utcl
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 127
give a proof of his fanity, by laying afide his fword, com-
pofing his fpirits, and thanking his injured friends for
their care of his perfon.
This alternative quieted his tranfports in a moment ;
he was terrified at the apprehenfion of being treated like
a Bedlamite, being dubious of the ftate of his own brain;
and on the other hand, had conceived fuch an horror and
antipathy for his tormentors, that, far from believing him-
felf obliged by what they had done, he could not even
think of them without the utmoft rage and deteftation.
He therefore, in the moft tranquil voice he could afTume,
protefted, that he never was lefs out of his fertfes than at
prefent, though he did not know how long he might re-
tain them, if he fhould be confidered in the light of a lu-
natic : that, in order to prove his being compos mentis,
he was willing to facrifice the refentment he fo juftly har-
boured againft thofe who by their malice had brought
him to this pafs : btit, as he apprehended, it would be
the greateft fign of madnefs he could exhibit, to thank
them for the mifchiefs they had brought upon him, he de-
fired to be excufed from making any fuch confeffion, and
fvvore he \\ouldendureevery thing, rather than be guilty
of fuch mean abfurdity.
Peregrine held a- confultation upon this reply, when
the governor and phyfician ftrenuoufly argued againft any
capitulation with a maniac, and propoled that fome me-
thod might be taken to feize, fetter and convey him into
a dark room, where he might be treated according to the
rules of art. But the Capuchin underftanding the cir-
cumflances of the cafe, undertook to reftore him' to his
former ftate, without having recourfe to fuch violent
meafures. Tickle, who was a better judge of the affair
than any perfon prefent, opened the door without further
hefitation, and cifplayed the poor painter ftanding with a
woeful countenance, fhivering in his fhirt, which was as
wet as if he had been dragged through the Dender : a
fpeclacle which gave fuch offence to the chafte eyes of
the Hebrew's miftrefs, who was by this time one of the
fpe&ators, that fhe turned her head another way, and
withdrew to her own room, exclaiming againft the inde-
cent practices of men.
Pallet, feeing the young gentleman enter, ran to him,
and (haling huu bv the hand, called him his beft friend/
128 fbt A D V Z N T V K. E S ff
and faid he had refcued him from thofe who had a defiga-
againft his life, The prieft would have produced his
parings, and applied them to his nofe ; but was hindered
by Pickle, who advifed the patient to fliift himfelf, and
put on his cloaths. This being done with great order
and deliberation, Mr. Jolter, who, with the doctor, had
kept at a wary diftance, in expectation of feeing fome
ftrange effects of his diftraction, began to believe that he
had been guilty of a miftake, and accufed thephyfician of
having milled him by his falfe diagnoftic. The doctor
ftil! infilled upon his former declaration, affuring him,
that although Pallet enjoyed a fhort interval for the pre-
nt, the delirium would foon recu*, unlefs they would
ofit by this momentary calm, and order him to be
blooded, bliftered and purged with all imaginable dif-
patch.
The governor, however, notwithftanding this caution,
advanced to the injured party, and begg'd pardon for the
(hare he had in giving him fuch difturbance. He declared
in the mod folemn manner, that he had no other inten-
tion than that of contributing towards his welfare, and
that his behaviour wa? the refult of the phyfld-n's pref-
cription, which he affirmed was abfolutely neceffary for
the recovery of his health.
The painter, who had very little gall in his difpofition,
was fatisfied with' this apology ; but his refentment,
which was before divided, now glowed with double fire
againfl his firft fellow-traveller, whom he looked upon as
the author of all the mifchances he had undergone, and
marked out for his vengeance accordingly. Yet the doors
of reconciliation were not fliut againft the doctor, who .
with great juftice might have transferred this load of of-
fence from himfelf to Peregrine, who was without doubt,
the fource of the painter's misfortune : but, in that cafe,
he mull have owned himfelf miftaken in his medical
capacity ; and he did not think the friendship of Pallet
important enough to be retrieved by fuch condefcention ;
fo that he relolved to neglect him intirely, and gradually
forget the former correfpondencc he had maintained with
a.-peribn whom he deemed fo unworthy of his notice.
C II A P.
P E R E G R I N E P I C K LE. 129
CHAP. I. VIII.
Peregrine almojt Jiflra&ed iviih his difappointments, con-
jures the fair Fleming to permit his i>ijits at Bruflcls.
She tvitbdraivs from his purfuzt.
'~1~" > HINGS being thus adjufted, and all the company
JL dreffed, they went to bre?ifift about five in t'i
morning, and in lefs than an hour after were feated in the
Diligence, where a profound filence prevailed. Peregrine,
who ufed to be the life of the fociety, being extremely
penfive and melancholy on account of his mifhap, the
Kraelite and his Dulcinea dejected in confequence of their
difgrace, the poet abforpt in lofty meditation, the painter
in iVhemes or revenge, while Jolter, rocked by the motion
of t>e carriage, rrnde himfelf amends for the want of reft
Le had fuftained, and the Mendicant, with his fair charge,
vere infecled by the cloudy afpefl of cur youth, in whofe
difappoinrrr.ent each of them, for different reafons, bore
ro inconfidernble flinre. r l'his general languor and re-
cefs from all bodily exercife, difpofed them all to receive
the gentle yoke of flumber,and in half hour after they had
embarked, there was nor one of them awake, except our
hero and his miftrefs, unlefs the Capuchin was pleafed to
counterfeit deep, in order to indulge our young gentle-
man with an opportunity of enjoying lome private conver-
fation with his beauteous ward.
Peregrine did not negleft the occafion ; but, on the
contrary, feized the firft minute, and in gentle murmurs
lamented his hard hap in being thus the fport of fortune.
He afTured her (and that with great fincerity) that all the
crofs accidents of his life had not coft him one half of the
vexation and keenefs of chagrine which he had fuffered
laft night ; and that now he was on the brink of parting
from her, he fliould be overwhelmed with the blackeft
defpair, if flie would not extend her compaffion fo far at
to give him an opportunity of fighing at her feet in Bruf-
fels, during the few days his affairs would permit him to
fpend in that city.
This young lady, with an air of mortification, ex-
prefled her forrow for being the innocent caufe of his
anxiety ; faid, fhe hoped laft night's adventure would be
a falutary warning to both their fouls; for fhe was per-
fuaded, that her virtue was protected by the intervention
of
i 3 The ADVENTTTRIS /
f heaven ; that whatever irrrprefllon it might have made
upon him, (he was enabled by it to adhere to that duty
from which her palfion had begun to fwerve, and be-
fecching him to forget her for his own peace, gave him
to uaderftand, that neither the plan flie had laid down for
her own conduct, nor the dictates of her honour would
allow her to receive his vifits, or carry on any other cor-
refpondence with him, while flie was reftricted by the ar-
ticles of her marriage-vow.
This explanation produced fuch a violent effect upon
her admirer, that he was for fome minutes deprived of the
faculty of fpeech, which he no fooner recovered, than he
gave vent to the moft unbridled tranfports of paffion. He
taxed her 'with barbarity and indifference ; told her that
(he had robbed him of his reafon and internal peace ; that
he would follow her to the ends of the earth, and ceafe to
live fooner than ceafe to iove her ; that he would facri-
fice the innocent fool who had been the occafion of all this
difquiet, and murder every man whom he confidered asau
obstruction to his views In a word, his paffions, which
had continued fo long in a ftate of the higheft fermenta-
tion, together with the want of that repolc which calmt
and quiets the perturbation of the Ipirits, had wrought
him up to a pitch of real difbaction. While he uttered
thefe delirious expreffions, the tears ran down his cheeks,
and he underwent fuch agitation, that the tender heart of
'""'the fair Fleming was affected witfe his condition ; and,
while ker own face was bedewed with the ftreams of fym-
pathy, flie begged him for heaven's fake to be composed,
and promifed, for his fatisfaction, to abate fomewhat of
that rigour of her purpofe. Confoled by this kind declara-
tion, he recollected himfelf, and taking out his pencil, gave
her his addrefs, wherr (he had affured him, that he (hould
hear from her in four and twenty hours at fartheft, after
their feparation.
Thus Toothed, he regained the empire of himfelf, and
by degrees recovered his fersnity. But this was not the
cafe with his Amanda, who, from this fample of his dif-
pofnion, dreaded the impetuofity of his youth, and was
effectually deterred from entering into any engagements
that might fubject her peace and reputation to the rafli ef-
fects of fuch a violent fpirit. Though fhe was captivated
by his perfon and accomplifhmeuts, (he had reflectioa
enough to forefce that the longer flie countenanced his
paffion
PEREGRINE PICKLE. I5 ,
paflion. her own heart would be more and more irre-
trievably engaged, and the quiet of her life the mere ex-
pofed to continual interruption. She therefore profited
by thefe cqnfidefations, and a fenfe of religiouj honour,
which helped her to underftand the fuggeflions of inclina-
tion ; and refolved to afhufe her lover with falfe hopes,
until fhe fhould have it in her power to relinquifh his con-
verfation, without running any rifk of fuffering by the in-
confiderate fallies of his love. : It was with this view, that
/he defired he would not infift upon attending her to her
mother's houfe, when the Diligence arrived at Bruffels ;
and he, cajoled by her artifice, took a formal laye of her,
together with the other ftrangers, fixinghis habitation at the
inn to which he and his fellow-travellers had been* directed,
in the impatient expectation of receiving a kind fummoni
from her, within the limited time.
Mean while, in order to divert his imagination, he
went to fee the ftadthoufe, park and arfenal, took a fuper-
ficial view of the bookfeller's cabinet of curiofities, and
fpent the evening at the Italian opera, which was at that
time exhibited for the entertainment of Prince Charles of
Lorrain, then governor of the Low Countries. In fhort,
the ftated peroid was almoft elapfed, when Peregrine re-
ceived a letter to thii purpofe.
SIR,
IF you knew what violence I do my own heart, in de-
claring that I have withdrawn myfelf for ever front
your addreflea, you would fu rely applaud the facrifice I
make to virtue, and ftrive to imitate this example of felf-
denial. Yes, Sir, heaven hath lent me grace to ftrugglt
with my guilty paffion, and henceforth to avoid the dan-
gerous fight of him who infpired it. I therefore conjure
you, by the regard you ought to have for the eternal
welfare of us both, ai well as by the efteem and affection
you profefs, to war with your unruly inclination, and defift
from all attempts of fruflrating the laudible refolutionl
have made. Seek not to invade the peace of one who
loves you, to difturb the quiet of a family that never did
you wrong, and to alienate the thoughts of a weak woman
from a deferving man, who, by the moft facred claim,
ought to have the full pofleffion of her heart."
This
1 32 tfje ADVENTURES of
This billet without, eiu.er date or iubfcript'on, bani-
fhed all remains of difcretion from the mind of our heio,
\vho ran indantiy to the landlord, in ail the extaly of mad-
nets, and demanded to lee the meflcnger who brought the
letter, on pain of putting his whole family to the fword.
The innkeeper, terrified by his looks and menaces, fell
upon his knees, protefting in the face of heaven, that he
was utterly ignorant and innocent of any thing that could
give him offence, and that the billet was brought by a pei-
Ion whom he did not know, and who retired immediately,
laying, it required noanfwer. He then gave utterance to
his fury, in a thoufand imprecations and invectives againit
the writer, whom he difhonoured with the appellations of
a coquette, a jilt, an adventurer, who, by means of a
pimping prieft, had defrauded him of his money. He
denounced vengeance againft the Mendicant, whom he
iwore he would deftroy if ever he fhould let eyes on him
again. The painter unluckily appearing during this pa-
roxyfm of iage, he leized him by the throat, faying he
was ruined by his accurfed foily ; and in ail likelihood
poor Pallet would have been itiangled, had not Joker in-
terpofed in his behalf, befeeching his pupil to have mercy
upon the fufferer, and with infinite anxiety defirlng to
know the caufe of this violent aflault. He received no
anlwer, but a firing of incoherent curfes. When the
painter, with unipeakable aftonilhment, took God to wit-
nefs, that he had done nothing to difoblige him, the go-
vernor beg ivhich is ren~
, nnii un-
couth geftrculations. In the mid it of his frantic behavi-
our, he faw an old Capuchin with a white beard, mount
the pulpit, and hold forth to the congregation with fuch
violence of emphafis and gefture, as captivated his fancy ;
and bawling aloud, " Zounds! what an excellent Paul
preaching at Athens !" he pulled a pencil and a-.frnaM me-
:jiorancu.n-book fiorn his pocket, and began to take a
&, tci
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 15.1
Sketch of the orator, with great eagernefs and agitation,
faying, " Egad ! friend Raphael, we (hall fee whether
you or I have, got the beft knack at trumping up an Apof-
tle." This appearance of difrefpecl: gave offence to the
audience, which began to murmur againft this heretic
libertine; when one of the priefts belonging to the choir,
in order to prevent any ill confequence from their difplea-
fure r came and told him in the French language* that
fuch Liberties were not permitted in their religion, and
advifed him to lay afide his implements, left the people
fliould take umbrage at his defign, and be provoked to
puniih him as a profane fcoffer at their worfhip.
. The painter feeing himfelf addrefled by a friar who,
while he fpoke, bewed with great complaifance, 5m-
magined that he was a begging brother come to fuppli-
cate his charity ; and his attention being quite in-
grofled by the defign he was making, he patted the
prieftfs ftaven crown with his hand, faying, Oter terns,
ater (ems; and then refumed his pencil with great
earneftnefs. The ecclefiaftic perceiving that the ftranger
did not comprehend his meaning, pulled him by the
fieeve, and explained himfelf in the Latin tongue : upon
which, Pallet, provoked at his intrufion, curfed him aloud
for an impudent beggarly fon of a whore; and'taking out
a {hilling, flung it upon the pavement, with manifeft figns
of indignation.
Some of the common people, enraged to fee their re-
ligion contemned, and their priefts infulted at the
very altar, rofe from their feats, and furrounding the
aftonifhed painter, one of the number fnatched his book
from his hand, and tore it into a thoufand pieces. Fright-
ened as he was, he couJd not help crying, " Fire and
fagots ! all my favourite ideas are gone to wreck !"
and was in danger of being very roughly handled by the
croud, had not Peregrine itepped in, and affu red them,
that, he was a .poor unhappy gentleman, who laboured
under a tranfport of the brain. Thofe who understood
the French language communicated this information to
the reft ; fo that he efcaped without any other chaftife-
ment, than that of being obliged to retire. And as they
could not fee the famous defcent from the crofs till after
the fcrvice was- fmifted, they were conducted by their
domeftique to the houfe of a painter, where they found
a beggar
k $z 'The ADVENTURES of
a beggar ftanding for his pi&ure, and the artift actually
employed in reprefentlng a huge loufe that crawled upon
his (houlder. Pallet was wonderfully pleafed with this
circumftance, which he faid was altogether a new
thought, and an excellent hint, of which he would make
his advantage : and in the courfe of his furvey of this
Fleming's performances, perceiving a piece in which two
flies were engaged upon thecarcafs of a dog half devour-
ed, he ran to his brother brufn, and fworehe was worthy
of being a fellow-citizen of the immortal Rubens. He
then lamented, with many expreffions of grief and refent-
ment, that he had loft his common place-book, in which
he had preferved a thoufand conceptions of the fame fort,
formed by the accidental objects of his fenfes aad imagi-
nation j and took an opportunity of telling his fellow tra-
vellers, that in execution he had equalled, if not excelled,
the two ancient painters who vied with each other in the
reprefentation of a curtain and a bunch of grapes ; for he
had exhibited the image, of a certain objeft fo like to na-
ture, that the bare frght of it fet a whole hog-fty in an
uproar.
When he had examined and applauded all the produc-
tions of this minute artift, they returned to the great
church, and were entertained with the view of that cele-
brated mafter-piece of Rubens, in which he has introdu-
ced the portraits of himfelf and his whole family. The
doors that conceal this capital performance were no
Iboner unfolded, than oar enthufiaft, debarred the ufe
of fpeech, by a previous covenant with his friend Pickle
lifted up his hands and eyes, and putting himfelf in the
attitude of Hamlet, when- his father's ghoft appears, ado-
red in filent extacy and awe. He even made a merit of
neceffity ; and when they had withdrawn from the place,
protefted that his whole faculties were Cwallowed up in
love and admiration. He now profefied himfelf more
than ever enamoured of the Flemifh fchool, raved in ex-
travagant encomiums, and propofed that the whole com-
pany ftiould pay homage to the memory of the divine
Rubens,, by repairing forthwith to the houfe in which
he lived, and proftrating themfelves on the floor of his
painting room.
As there was nothing remarkable in the tenement,
which had been rebuilt more than once fijice the death
of
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 153
of that great ivan, Peregrine excufed hi in felf from com-
plying with the prqpofal.on pretence of being fatigued
with the circuit they had already performed. Jolter de^-
clined it for the fame reafon ; and the qvreftion being
put to the doftor, he refufed his company with an air
of difdain. Pallet, piqued at his contemptuous manner,
afked if he would not go and fee the habitation of Pin-
door, provided he was in the city where that poet lived?
And when the phyfician obferved, that there was an in-
finite difference between the men; " That I'll allow, (re-
plied the painter) for the devil a poet ever lived .in
Greece or Troy, that was worthy to clean the pencils
of our beloved Rubens." The phydcian could not
with any degree of temper- and forbearance hear this
outrageous bla'phemy, lor which, he faid, Pallet's eyes
ought to be picked out, by owls : and the dilpute rofe,
as ufual, to fuch fcurriiities of language and indecency
of behaviour, that palfengers began to take notice of
their anfmofity i and Peregrine was obliged to interpofe,
for his own credit.
C H A P. LXIII.
Peregrine artfully foments a quarrel between Pallet and
the phyfician, ng, in the twilight, meet you on'th. r h ' Seven -
fword andpiftol, where the r * Z Y ramparts with
'
for anfwer, hat ^e D h^ u'" 00 " > and
-t the appointed time and plfce T^r^.f" 61101 him
ev,dentI 7 difcompofed at the unexDe J H challen ger was
ceptance, and ran about he houfe * new of
queft of Peregrine, to to?l&Sfi gre , at . dlTorder '
*nce; but,
t
private with his adverfary, he began to
Hifion, and curfed himfelf for ffill
He even entertained fo me thoughts of 7 ""!^ 60 ?^
tation, and fubmitting to the friumnV ru^ ln hlsi ' nv '-
evening w i th
my power to prrft*;. "Me it i, h
the governor of theplace whoftali' "'" / dlreaI 7 ">
/-" I fay, inftead
t ,on, Joi ter
phJegmatic
J56 The ADVENTURE so/
phlegmatic tranqnility, and excufed himfelf from accept-
ing the honour he intended for him, on account of his
character and fituation, which would not permit him to
be concerned in any fuch rencounters. Indeed this morti-
fying reception was owing to a previous hint from Pere-
grine, who dreading fome fort of interruption from his
governor, had made him acquainted with hisdefign, and
allured him, that the affair fiiould not be brought to any
dangerous iflue.
Thus difappointed, the dejected challenger was over-
v.'helmed with perplexity and diimay ; and in the terrors
of death or mutilation, refolved to deprecate the wrath
of his enemy, and conform to any fubmiifion he fhould
propofe : when he was accidentally encountered by our
adventurer, who with demonftrations of infinite fatisfa'cti-
on, told him in confidence, that his billet had thrown the
doctor into an agony of confirmation ; that his accep-
tance of his challenge was a meer effort of defpair, calcu-
lated to confound the ferocity of the fender, and difpofe
him to liften to terms of acoomodation : that he had im-
parted the letter to him with fear and trembling, on pre-
tence of engaging him as a fecond, but in reality, with a
view of obtaining his good offices in promoting a reconci-
liation ; " but, perceiving the fituation of .his mind, (ad-
ded our hero) 1 thought it would be more for your ho-
nour to baffle his expectation; and therefore I readily un-
dertook the tafk of attending him to the field, in full af-
furance, that he will ther,| humble himfelf before you,
even to proftration. In this fecurity, you. may go and
prepare your arms, and befpeak the afliftance of Pipes,
who will fquire you in the field, while I keep myfelf up,
that our correfpondence may not be fufpectedby the phy-
fician." Pallet's fpirits, that were funk to dejection, rofe
at this encouragement to all the infolence of triumph ; he
again declaring his contempt of danger, and his piftols
being loaded and accommodated with new flints, by his
truily armour-bearer, he waited without flinching, for
the hour of battle.
On the firft approach of twilight, fomebody knocked at
his (.'oor, and Pipes having opened it at his defire, he
heard the voice of his antagonist pronounce, " Tell Mr.
Pallet that lam going to the place of appointment." The
painter was not a little furprized at this anticipation,
which
PEFxEGRINE PICKLE. 157
which fo ill agreed with the information he had received
from Pickle ; and his concern beginning to recur, he for-
tified himfelf with a large bumper of brandv, which how-
ever, did not overcome the anxiety of his thoughts. Ne-
ver thelefs, he fet out on the expedition with his fecond,
betwixt whom and himfelf the following dialogue prilled,
in their way to the ramparts. "' Mr. Pipes, (faid the .
painter, with difordered accent) methinks the doftor was
in -a peftilent hurry with trhat melTage of his." " Ey, ey,
(anfwered Tom) I do fuppofe he longs to be foul of you,"
"** What ! (replied the other) d'ye think he ftu'rfts after
my blood ?" " To be fure a does," (faid Pipes, thru ilia j
a large quid of tobacco in his cheek, with great delibera-
tion.) " If that be the cafe, (cried Pallet, beginning to
fhake) he is no better than a Cannibal, and no chriftian
ought to fight him on equal footing." Tom obferving
his emotion, eyed him with a frown of indignation, fay-
ing, " Yon an l t afraid, are you ?" " God forbid ! (re-
plied the challenger, ftammering with fear) What fhould
I be afraid of? The worft he can do, is to take my life,
and then he'll be anfwerable both to God and man for the
murder : Don't you think he will ?" " I think no fuch
matter : (anfwered the fecond) if fo be as. how he puts a
brace of bullets through your bows, and kills you fairly,
it is no more murder than if I was to bring down a nod-
dy from the main-top-fail-yjard." By this time Pallet's
teeth chattered with fuch violence, that he could fcarca
pronounce this reply, " Mr. Thomas, you fee in to make
very light of a man's fife ; but I truft in the Ahnighty, I
(hall not be fo eafily brought down. Sure many a man
has fought a duel, without lofing his life. Do you ima-
gine that I run fuch a hazard of falling by the hand of" mv
adverfary ?" You may, or you may not, (faid the uncon-
cerned Pipes) juft as it happens. What then ? Death is
a debt that every man owes, according to the fong ; and
if you fet loot to foot, I thinkone of you muft go to pot."
" Foot to foot! (exclaimed the terrified painter) that's
down right butchery ; and I'll be damn'd before I fight
any man on earth in fuch a barbarous way. What ! d'ye
take me to be a favage beaft ?" This declaration he made
while they attended the ramparts. His attendant perceiv-
ing the phyficianand his fecond at the diftance of nn hun-
dred paces before them, gave him notice of thsir anpear-
VOL. II. P "ar.cc,
158 A n v r. N T u r, E s of
ance, and advifed him to make ready, and behave like a
man. Pallet in vain endeavoured to conceal his pannic,
which difcovered itfelf in an ur.iverlal trepidation or body,
und the lamentable tone in which he anfwered this exhor-
tation of Pipes ; faying, " I do behave like a man ; but
you would have me act the part of a brute. Are they
coming this way?" When 'lorn told him that they had
faced about, and admonifhed him to advance, the nerves
of his arm refufed their office, he could not hold out his
piltol, and inftead of going forward, retieated with an
infenfirjiiiry of motion till Pipes, placiag himfelf in the
rear, let his own back to that of his principal, and
fwore he fhould not budge an inch farther in that di-
rection.
While ihe valet thus tutored the painter, his mailer
enjoyed the terrors of the phyfician, which were more
ridiculous than thofe of Pallet, becaufe he was more
intent upon difguifmg them. His declaration to Pickle
in the morning, would not fuffer him to llart any objecti-
ons when he received the challenge ; and finding that
the young gentleman made no offer of mediating the
affair, but rather congratulated him on the occafion,
when he communicated the painter's billet all his efforts
confifted in oblique hints, and general reflections upon
the abfurdity of duelling, which was firit introduced
nmong civilized nations, by the barbarous Huns and
Longobards. He likewife pretended to ridicule the ufe
of fire arms, which confounded all the distinctions of
{"kill and addrels, and deprived a combatant of the op-
portunity of fignalizing his perfonal prowefs.
Pickle affented to the jutlnefs of his obfervations ; but
at the fame time repieiented the neceffity of complying
vuth the cuftoms of the world, (ridiculous as they were)
on which a man's honour and reputation depend. So
that feeing no hopes of profiting by that artifice, the
republican'^ agitation became more and more remarkable ;
mid he propoled in plain terms, that they mould contend
in armour, like the combatants of ancient days ; for it
was but reafonable, that they fhxm Id practice the manner
of fighting, fince they adopted the difpofition of thofe
i:on I'Ties.
No'.hing could have afforded more diverfion to our
heio, ii.an the fight of t
manhood that he poflefled, feized the opportunity o
profiting by his enemy's confirmation. Striking his Iword
and piltol together, he advanced in a fort of a trot,
railing a loud howl, in which he reapeated, in lieu ot
the Spartan long, part of a ftrophe from one of Pindar's
Pythia, beginning with ek theon gar nmkanai pafai-
Broteais areteais, c. This imitation of the Gieeks
had all the defired ertecl upon the painter, who iVeing,
the phyfician running towards him, like a fury> with a
piftol in his right hand, which was extended, arid hear-
ing the dreadful yell he uttered, and the cutlanc^ifti
words he pronounced, was feized with an univerlai [ ihy
cf his limbs. He> wouJd have dropp'd down u 7-'
ground
P *
1 60 The ADVENTURES of.
gronnd, had not Pipes fupported and encouiagcd him to
Hand \ipon his defence. The doctor, contrary ro his
.expectation, finding that he lud not flinched from the
fpot, though he had now performed one half of his
career, put in practice his kit effort by firing his piltol,.
the noiie of which no fooner reached the cars of the
affrighted painter, than he recommended his foul to God,
and .oared lor mercy with great vociferation.
The republican, overjoyed at this exclamation, com-
manded him to yield, and furrender his arms, on pain of
immediate death ; upon which he thre.w away his piftols
and fword, in fpite of all the admonitions and even threats
of his fecond, who left him to his fate, and went up to
his matter, flopping his nofe v.uh figns of loathing and
abhonence.
The vilor having won the SpoliaOptma, granted him
his life, on condition, that he would on his knees 'fup-
plicate his pardon, acknowledge himfclf inferior to Ms
conqueror in every virtue and qualification, and promife
for the future to merit his favour by fubmiffion and refpecl.
Thefe infolent terms were readily embraced by the unfor-
tunate challenger, who fairly owned, that he was not at
all calculated for the pinpofes of war, and that hence
forth he would contend with no weapon but his pencil.
He begged with great humility, that Mr. Pickle would
not think the worfe of his morals for this defect of cour-
age, which was a natural infirmity inherited from his fa-
ther, and fufpend his opinion of his talents, until he fhould
have an opportunity of contemplating the charms of his
Cleopatra, which would be finilhed in lefs than three
months.
Our hero obferved with an affected air of difpleafure,
that no man could be juftly condemned for being fubjeft
to the impreffions of iear ; and therefore his cowardice
might eafily be forgiven : but, there was fomething fo
preiumptuous, difhoneft and difmgenuous, in arrogating
a quality to which he knew he had .not the Imallett pre-
teniic-i, that he could not forget his niifbehaviour all at
once, though he would conciefcend to communicate
wkh. him as formerly, in hopes of feeing a reformation
in his conduct. Pallet protefted, that there was no dif-
fimuiation in the cafe ; for he was ignorant of his own
weakneis, until his refolution was nut to the trial : he
faithfully
PEREGRINE PICK-LE. *6i
foithfully promifed to demean himfelf, during the re-
maining part of the tour, with that confcious modefty and
penitence which became a perfon in his condition ; and,
for the prefent, implored the aififtance of Mr. Pipes, in
difembarafling him from the difagreeable con-fequence of
his fear.
C HAP. EXIV.
The Doflor exults in bis "jittery.. They fet out for Rotter-
dam, ivhere they are Entertained by tivo Dutch gentle-
men in a yatcb, "which is overturned in the Maeze, to
the manifefi hazard of the painter 's life. They Jpend
the evening ivitb their entertainers, and next day -vifit
a cabinet of curiojities.
TOM was accordingly ordered to minifter to his oc-
cafions ; and the conqueror, elated with his fuc-
cefs, which he in a great meafure attributed to his man-
ner of attack, and the hymn which he howled, told Pe-
regrine, that he was now convinced of the truth of what.
Pindar fung in thefe words ojja de me pephileke Zeus,
atuzonta Bonn Pieridan aionta ; for he had no fooner be-
gun to repeat the mellifluent drains of that divine poet,
than the wretch his antagoniil was confounded, and his
nerves unftrung.
On their return to the inn, he expatiated on the pru-
dence and tranqijility of his own behaviour, and afcribed
the confternattori of. Pallet to the remembrance of fome
crime that lay heavy upon his confcience: for, in his
opinion, a man of virtue and common fenfe could not
poflibly be afraid of death, which is not-only the peaceful
harbour that receives him (battered en the tempeftuous
fea of life, but alfp the eternal feal of his fame and glo-
ry, which it is no longer in his power to forfeit and
forego. He lamented his fate, in being doomed to live
in fuch degenerate days, when war is become a merce-
nary trade; and ardently wifhed, that the day would
come, when he fhould have fuch an opportunity of fig-
nalizing his courage in the caufe of liberty, as that of
Marathon, wheie an handful of Athenians, fighting for
their freedom, defeated the whole ftrength of the Perfian
empire. " Would to heaven ! (faid he) my mufe were
bleffed with an occafion to emulate that glorious tefti-
mony on the trophy in Cyprus, creeled by Cimor,
for
? 3
i 62 the ADVENTURES of
for two great victories gained on the fame day over the
Perfians by fea and land ; in which it is very remarkable,
that the grcatnefs of the occafion has railed the manner
of expreluon above the ufual fimplicity and modefty of
all other ancient infcriptions." He then repeated it with
all the pomp of declamation, and fignified his hope, that
the French would one day invade us with fuch an army
as that which Xerxes led into Greece, that it might be
in his power to devote himfelf, like Leonidas, to the
freedom of his country.
This memorable combat being thus determined, and
every thing that was remarkable in Antwerp furveyed.
they fent their baggage down, the Scheld to Rotterdam,
and fet out for the fame place in a port-waggon, which
that fame evening brought them in fafety to the banks of
the Maeze. They put up at an Engli-fh- houfe of enter-
tainment, remarkable for the modeity and moderation of
the landlord ; and next morning the. doctor went in per-
fon to deliver letters of recommendation to two Dutch
gentlemen, from one of hrs acquaintance at Paris. Nei-
ther of them happened to be at home when he called :
ib that he left a meffage at .their lodgings, with his ad-
drefs ; and in the afternoon they waited upon the compa-
ny, and after many hofpitabie profeffions, one of the
t\vo invited them tt> fpend the evening at his houfe.
Mean while, they had provided a pleafure-yatch, in
which they propofed to treat them with an excurfton up-
on the Maeze. This being almoft the only diverfion ,
that place affords, our young gentleman relifhed the pro-
pofal ; and notwithstanding the remonftrances of Mr.
Jolter, who declined the voyage on account of the
roughnefs of the weather, they went on board without
heiitation, and four.d a collation prepared in the cabin.
While they tacked to and fro in the river, under the im-
pulfe of a mackerel breeze, the phylician exprefied his
fatisfadlion, and Pallet was raviilied with the entertain-
ment. But the wind increafing, to the unfpeakable joy
of the Dutchmen, v.-ho haJ now an opportunity of /hew-
ing their dexterity in the management of the verTel, the
guefts found it inconvenient to ftand upon deck, and
impoffible to fit below, on account of the clouds of to-
bacco-fmoke which rolled from the pipes of their enter-
tainers, in fuch volumes as annoyed them evn to the
hazarcL
% PEREGRINE PTCKLE. 163
hazard of fuffocation. This fumigation, together with
the extraordinary motion of the (hip, began to affect the
head and ftomach of the painter, who begg'd earneftly
to be fet on fhore : but the Dutch gentlemen, who had
no idea of his fufferings, infifted, with furprizing obfti-
nacy of regard, upon his ftaying until he fhould fee an
inrtance of the (kill of their mariners ; and bringing him
on deck, commanded the men to carry the veffei's lee-
gunwale under water. This nicety of navigation they
inftantly performed, to the admiration of Pickle, the dif-
dompofuTe of the doctor and terror of Pallet, who bleffed
himfelf from the courtefy of a Dutchman, and prayed
to heaven for his deliverance.
While the Hollanders enjoyed the reputation of this
feat, and the diftrefs of the painter at the fame time,
the yatcht was overtaken by a fudden fquall, that overiet
her in a moment, and fixing every man overboard into
the Maeze, before they could have the leaft warning of
their fate, much lefs time to provide againft the accident.
Peregrine, who was an expert fwimmer, reached the
fhore in fafety; the phyfician, in the agonies of defpair,
laid faft hold on the trunk-breeches of one of the men,
who dragged him 10 the other fidej the entertainers
landed at the bomb-keys fmoaking their pipes all the way
with great deliberation ; and the poor painter muft have
gone to the bottom, had not he been encountered by the
cable of a fliip, that lay at anchor near the fcene of
their diftafter. Though his fenfes had forfaken him,
his hands fattened by inftinft on this providential occur-
rence, which he held with fuch a convulfive grafp, that
when a boat was fent out to bring him on fhore, it was
with the utmoft difficulty that his' fingers were difengaged.
He was carried into a houfe, deprived of the ufe of
fpeech, and bereft of all fenfation ; and being fufpended
by the heels, a vaft quantity of water ran out of his
fes, he underwent a delirium that lafted feveral hours.
As for the treators, they never dreamed of expreffing the
Jeaft concern to Pickle or the phyfician for what had
happened, becaufe it was an accident fo common, as to
riafs without notice.
Leaving
164 We A'l) V E N T U R E S of
Leaving the care of the vefTet to the Teamen, the com-
pany retired to their refpedlive lodgings, in order to ihift
their cloaths ; and in the evening our travellers wese con-
ducted to the houfe of their new friend, who, with a
view of making his invitation the more agreeable, had
nflembled to the number of twenty or thirty Englishmen,
of all ranks and degrees, from the merchant to the peri-
wig-maker's prentice.
In the midft of this congregation flood a chafingrdifh
with live coals for the convenience of lighting their
pipes, and every individual was accommodated with a
fpitting-box. There was not a mouth in the apartment
unfurnished with a tube, fo that they refembled a convo-
cation of Chimeras breathing fire and fmoke ; and our
gentlemen were fain to imitate their example in their own
defence. It is not to be iiippofed that the converfation
was either very fprigbtly or polite ; the whole entertain-
ment was of the Dutch caft, frowzy and phlegmatic :
and our adventurer, as he returned to his lodging, tortu-
red with the head-ach, and difgufled with every cir-
cumftance of his treatment, curfed the hour in which-
the doctor had iaddled them with fuch troublefome com--
paniona.
Next morning, by eight o'clock, thefe polite Hol-
landers returned the vifit, and after breakfaft, attended
their Englifh friends to the houfe of a perfon that pof-
feffed a very curious cabinet of curiofities, to which they
had fecured our company's admiffion. The owner of this-
collection was a cheefemonger, who received them in a
woollen night-cap, with ftraps buttoned under his chin.
As he undertlood no language but his own, he told them v
by the canal of one of their conductors, that he did not
make a practice of fhewing his curiofities ; but under-
ftanding that they were Englishmen, and recommended
to his friends, he was content to fubmit them to their,
perufal. So faying, he led them up a dark ftair, into a
fmall room, decorated with, a few paltry figures in phi f-
ter of Paris, two or three miferable lanufcnpes,. the
fkins of an otter, feal, and-foine fi/hes ftuiTed } and in
one corner flood a glafTcafe, furnifhed with newts, frogs,
iizzards, and ferpents, preferved,5n fpirits ; a human fatus,-
calf with two heads, and about two dozen of butter-
flies, pinned upon paper.
The
* PEREGRINE PICKLE. 165
The virtuofo having exhibited thele particulars, eyed
the Grangers with a look foliciting admiration and ap-
plaufe ; and as he could not perceive any fymptom of ei-
ther in their geftures or contenances, withdrew a curtain,
and difplayed a wainfcot cheft of drawers, in which he
gave them to underftand, was fomethimg that would
agreeably amufe the imagination. Our travellers, regal-
ed with this notice, imagined that they would be enter-
tained with the fight of fome curious medals, or other
productions of antiquity ; but how were they difap-
pointed, when they law nothing but a variety of fhells,
difpofed in whimfical figures, in each drawer ! After he
had detained them full two hours with a tedious commen-
tary u^on the fliape, fize and colour of each department,
he, with a lupercilious fimper, defired that the Engliflv
gentlemen would frankly and candidly declare, whether
his cabinet, or that of mynheer Sloane, at London, was
the mod valuable. When this requeft was fignified in
Englifh to the company, the painter inftantly exclaimed,
" By the Lard ! they are not to be named of a day. And
as for that matter, I would not give one corner of Sal-
tero's coftee-houfe, at Chelfea, for all the tra'fh he hath
fhewn." Peregrine unwilling to. mortify any perfon who
had done his endeavour to pleafe him, obferved, that
what they had feen was very curious and entertaining ;
but that no private collection in Europe was equal to that
of Sir Hans Sloane, which, exclufive of prefents, had
coft an hundred thoufand pounds. The two conductors
were confounded at this afleveration, which being com-
municated to the cheefemonger, he fhook his head with
a fignificant grin ; and tho' he did not choofe to 6;xprefe
his incredulity in words, gave our hero to undeftan PEREGRINE FICKLE. 1 79
her hujfband, who immediately wrote a letter to her fa-
trier, declaring his reafons for having thus fuperceded
Kis authority j and Mrs. Pickle's mortification was un-
fpeakable.
That the new-married couple might be guarded a-
gainft all infult, our young gentleman and his friend
Hatchway, with their adherents, lodged in Mr. Clover's
houfe for fome weeks j during which they viflted their
acquaintances in the neighbourhood, according to cuf-
tom. When the tranquility of their family was perfectly
eftsbliihed, and the contract of marriage executed in the
prefence of the old commodore and his lady, who gave
her niece five hundred pounds to purchafe jewels and
cloaths, Mr. Peregrine could no longer reftran his impa-
tience to fee his dear Emily ; and told his uncle, that
next day he propofed to ride acrofs the country, in or-
der to vifit his friend Gauntlet, from whom he had not
heard of a long time.
The old gentleman, looking fteadfaftly in his face,
" Ah! damn your cunning! (laid he) I find the anchor
holds faft : I did fuppofe as how you would have dipt
your cable, and changed your birth ; but, I fee, when a
young fellow is once brought up by a pretty wench, he
may man his capitans and viol-block, if he wool ; but
hee'll as foon heave up the Pike of Teneriff, as bring his
anchor aweigh! Odds heartlikins ! had I known the
young woman was Ned Gauntlet's daughter, I fhoud'nC
have thrown out fignal for leaving offchace."
Our adventurer was not a little farprized to hear the
commodore talk in this ftile; and inuneiijately conjectu-
red, that his friend Godfrey had informed him of the
whole affair. Inftead of liftening to this approbation of
his flame, with thofe tranfports of' joy which he would
have felt, had he retained his former fentiments, he was
chagrined at Trunnion's declaration, and offended at the
preemption of the young foldier, in pretending to dif-
clofe the fecret with which he had intruded, him. Red-
dening with thefe reflections, he aflurecV t he commodore
that he never had ferious thoughts o f matrimony: fo
that, if any perfon had told hi^ a * he was under any en-
gagement of that kind, he havj^bufed his ear: for he
protefted, that he would ne^ r contra ct fuch attach-
ments, without his knowledu- d expr ef 3 permUfion.
* Trunnion
i'So The A u v E N T tr R E s c/
Trunnion commended him for his prudent refolutioa,
and obferved, that though no perfon mentioned to him
what promlfes had pafTed betwixt him and his fweet-
heart, it was very plain that he had made love to her;
and therefore it was to be fuppoled, that his intentions
were honourable : for, he could not believe he was fuch
a rogue in bis heart, as to endeavour to debauch the
daughter of a brave officer, who had ierved his country
with credit and reputation. Notwithstanding this re-
monilrance, which Pickle imputed to the commodore's
ignorance of the world, he fet out for the habitation of
Mrs. Gauntlet, with the unjuftifiable fenttment! of a
man of pleafure, who lacraftces every conficieration to
thedefireof his ruling appetite ; and as Winchefter lay
in his way, refolved to viiit fome of his friends who lived
in that place. It was in the houfe of one of thefe, that
he was informed of Emilia's being then in town with her
mother ; upon which, he excufed himfelf from {laying
to drink tea, and immediately repaired to their lodgings,
according to the direction he had received.
When he arrived at the door, inftead of undergoing
that perturbation of fpirits, which a lover, in his intereft-
ing fituation, might be fuppofed to feel, he had fuffered
no emotion but that of vanity and pride, favoured with
an opportunity of felf gratification, and entered his Emi-
lia's apartment with the air of a conceited petit inaitre,
rather than that of a refpectful admirer, when he vilits
the object of his paflion, after an abfence of 'eighteca
months.
The young lady having been very much difobliged at
his mortifying neglect of her brother's letter, had fum-
moned all her own pride and refolution to her aid j and
by means of a happy difpofition fo far overcame her cha-
grin at his Indifference, that fhe was able to hehave in
his prefence with aparent tranquility and eafe. She
was even pleafed to find, he had by accident chofen a
time for-his vifit, when ftie was furrounded by two or
three young~'g& nt l enie ri> who profeffed themfelves her
admirers. Our 'gS'tant was no foorjer announced, than
flie collected all her V Coquetry, put on the gayeft air (he
could aiTume, and contr? ed to g'gg !e juft as he appear-
ed at the room-door. T? 10 compliments of falutation
feeing performed, ihe welc< med him to En S land in a
^ nv carelefs
\
\
" PEREGRINE PICKL R. iSt
eareleft manner, aflced the news of Paris, and, before
he could make any reply, defired one of the other gentle-
men to proceed with the fequel of that comical ad venture,
in the relation of which he had been interrupted.
Peregrine fmiled within himfelf at this behaviour,
which (without all doubt he believed) (he had affected
to punifh him for his unkind filence, while he was
abroad ; being fully perfuaded, that her heart was abfo-
lutely at his devotion. On this fuppofition, he praclifeci
his Parifian improvements on the art of converfation, ami
uttered a thoufand prettinefies in the way of compliment,
with fuch incredible rotation of tongue, that his rivals
were ftruck dumb with aftonifliment ; and Emilia fretted
out of all temper, at feeing herfelf deprived of the pre-
rogative of thefex. He petfilled, however, in this lur-
pri'/ing loquacity, until the reft of the company thought
proper to withdraw, and then contracted his difcourfe
into the focus of love, which now put on a very differ-
ent appearance from that which it had formerly worn. In-
ftead of that awful veneration which her prefence ufed
to infpire, that chaftity of fentiment and delicacy of ex-
preflion, he now gazed upon her with the eyes of a liber-
tine, he- glowed with the impatience of dcfire, talked in
a. drain that barely kept within the bounds of decency,
and attempted to match fuch favours as (lie, in the ten-
dernefs of mutual acknowledgement, had once vouchfa-
fed to bellow.
Grieved and offended as (lie was, at this palpable al-
teration in hiS carriage, (ae difdained to remind hiai of
his former deportment, and with diflembled good hu'
mour, rallied him on the progrefs he had maue in gal-
lantry and addrefs : but, far from fubmitting to the
liberties he would have taken, (he kept her > er:on facreJ
from his touch, and would not even iuffcr hi. a to ravi/h
a kifs of her fair hand : fo that he reaped no other ad-
vantage from the exercife of his talents, during this in-
terview, which laded a whole hour, than that of know-
ing he had over-rated his own importance ; and thac
Emily's heart was not a garrifon likely to furreader ac
diicretion.
At length, his addrefies were interrupted by tr-e arri-
val of the mother, who had gone abroad to viiit by her-
felf; and the converfation beco;-.:in^ i::ore general, he
VOL. II. R uoderitood
1 82 The ADVENTURES of
underflood, that Godfrey was at London, foliciting for a
lieutenancy that had fallen vacant in the regiment to
which he belonged ; and that Mils Sophy was at home
with her father.
Though our adventurer had not met with all the fuc-
cefs he expected in his firft vifit, he did notdefpair of re-
ducing the fprtrefs, believing that in time there would be
a mutiny in his favour j and accordingly, carried on the
fiege for feveral days, without profiting by his perfeve-
rance ; till at length, having attended the ladies to their
own houfe in the country, he began to look upon this ad-
venture as time mifperit, and refolved to difcontinue his
attack, in hopes of meeting with a more favourable occa-
fion ; being, in the mean time, ambitious of difplaying,
in an higher fphere, thofe qualifications which his vanity
told him, were at prefent mifapplied.
CHAP. LXVIII.
He attends his uncle
method, how fuccesful foever it may have been in other
cafes. His complaints, inftead of vanishing, were ever/
day more and more enraged ; and at length he was con-
fined to his bed, where he lay blafpheming; from morrf
to night, and from night to morn, though ttill more de-
termined than ever to adhere to his former maxims.
In the midft of his torture, which was become the
common joke of the town, being circulated through the
induftry of the phyficians, who triumphed in his diiafter ;
Peregrine, by means of Mr. Pipes, employed a country-
ft How, who had come to market, to run with great
hafte, early one morning, to the lodgings of all the
doctors in town, and defire them to attend the colonel
with all imaginable difpatch. In confequence of this
fummons, the whole faculty put themfelves in motion ;
and three of the foremofl arriving at the fame inftant of-
time, far from complimenting one another with the door,
each feperately efTayed to enter, and the whole -triumvi-
rate ftu'ck in the paiTage. While they remained thus
wedged together, they defcried two of their brethren
porting towards the fame goal, with all the fpeed that
God had enabled them to exert ; upon- which they came
to a parley, and agreed to ftaad by one another. This
covenant being mr.de, they difcntangled themfelves, and^
inquiring about the patient, were told by the lervant,
that he had juft fallen a flecp.
Having received this intelligence, they took poflefliarv
of his and- chamber, and (hut the door, while the reft
of the tribe pofted themfelves on the outfide, as they ar-
rived ; fo that the whole paffage was, -filled, from thar-
top of the lUir-cafe to the ftreet door ; and the people
of the houfe, together with the colonel"! fervant, ihuck
dumb with aftoniiliment. The three leaders of this leara-
cd gang had no fooner made their lodgment good, than
they began to confult about the patient's malady, which
every one of them pretended to have confidered wittt
great care and affiduity. The firft who gave his opinion
laid, the diftemper was an obftinate Arthritis ^ the fc-'
cond affirmed, that it- was no other than a confirmed
S-2,-
1 96 The ADVENTURES of
pox ; and the third fwore it was an inveterate icurver.
This diverfity of opinions was fupported by a variety of
quotations from medics! authors, ancient as well as mo-
dern : but thefe were not cf fisfhvJent authority, or at
leaft not explicit enough to decide the ch'Tpute; for there
are many fchifins in medicine, as well as in religion, and
each feet can quote the fathers, in fuppoit of the tenets
they profefs. In ihort, the contention rofe to fuch a
pitch of clamour, as not only alarmed their brethren on
the Itair, but alfo aw?ked the patient from tie firll nap
lie had enjoyed in the fpace of ten \vhoie days. Had k
been fimply waking, he would have been obliged to
them for t'r.e noife that cidiubed him; for, in that cafe
he would have been relieved from the tortures of hell-tire,
to which, in his dream, he fancied himfelf expofed :
but this dreadful vifion had been the refult of that im-
preiTion which was mace upon his brain, by the intolera-
ble anguiih of his jo'nts ; fo that, when he w::ked, the
pain, inftead of being allayed, was rather aggravated by
a greater acutenefs of fenfation ; and the confufed vocife-
ration in the next room, invading his ears at the fame
time, he began to think his dream was realized ; and in
the pangs of defpair, applied himfelf to a bell that flood
by his bed-fide, which he rung with great violence and
perfeverance.
This alarm put an immediate flop to the difputation
of the three doctors, who, upon this notice of his being
awake, ruflied into his chamber without ceremoney ;
and each feizing an arm, tke third made the like applica-
tion to one of his temples. Before the patient could re-
collect himfelf from the amazement which had laid hold
on htm, at this unexpected irruption, the room was filled
by the re!t of the faculty, who followed the fervant that
entered, in obedience to his matter's calt ; and the bed
was, in a moment, furronnded by thefe gaunt minifters
of death. Th.^olonel feeing himfelf befet with fuch an
alfemblage of folemn vifages and figures, which he had al-
ways confulered with the utmofl dctetlation and abhor-
rence, v. as incenfed to a moft inexpreffi'ole degree of in-
dignation ; and fo infpirited by his rage, that though
h's tongue denied its office, his other limbs performed
t'leir function ; he difengaged himfelf from the triumvi-
fite, v/ho had taken pofieiiion of his boclv, fprung out
of
PEREGRINE PICKLE. rc/r '
of bed with incredible agility, and feizing one of his'
CF-utches, applied it fo effectually to one of the three,
juft as he ftooped to examine the patient's water, that
his tye-periwig dropped into the pot, while- he himfeif
fell motionlefs on the floor.
This fignihcant' explanation 'difconcerted the whole
fraternity; every man turned his face, as if it were by
inftinct, towards the door ; and the retreat of the com-
munity being obftrufted by the efforts of individuals, con-
fufion and tumultuous* uproar enfued: for the colonel far
from limitting his prowefs to the firft exploit, handled
his weapdn with aftonifhing vigour and dexterity, with-
out refpect of perfons ; fo that few or none of them had
efcaped without marks of his difpleafure, when his fpi-
rits failed, and he had funk down again, quite exhaufted
on his bed. Favoured by this refpite, the difcomfited fa-
culty collected therr hats and wigs, which had fallen off
in the fray ; and perceiving the affailant too much en-
feebled to renew th^attack, fet up their throats together,
and loudly threatened to profecute him feverely for fuch
an outrageous afiault.
By this time, the landlord had interpofed ; snd inqui-
ring into the caufe of the difturbance, was informed of
what had happened by the complainants, who, at the
fame time, giving him to underftand, that they had been
feverally fummoned to attend the colonel that morning,
be allured them, that they had been hnpofed upon by "
fome w.ag ; for his lodger had never dream'd of confalt- -
ing any one of their profeilion.
Thunderftruck at this declaration, the general clamour "
inftantaneoufly ceafed; and each, in particular, at once "
comprehending the nature of the joke, they fneaked filent -
ly off with the lofs they had fuftained in "umi tterable fhame -
and mortification} while Peregrine and hi-> friend, who
took care to be palling that way by accident, made a full
ftop at fight of fuch an extraordinary efflux, and enjoyed
the countenance and condition of every one -as he appear- -
ed : nay, even made up to fome of thofe who Teemed moft
aifeQed with their fituation, and mifchievoufly tormented
them with queftions touching this unufuil congregation ;
then, in confequence of the information they received
from the landlord and the colonel's valet, fubjected the
lli.Terers to t:;c ridicule of all the con/p'anyin to\vn. As it
S 3 wout^-
198 The ADVENTURES r,f
would have been impoflible for the authors of this force
to keep themfelves concealed from the indefatigable in-
quiries of the phyficians, they made no fecret of their ha-
ving directed the whole; though they took care to own
it in fuch nn ambiguous manner, a.s afforded no handle of
proiecution.
CHAP. LXXI.
Peregrine bumbles a noted befior, and meets ivitb a Jirang*
character at the bwjk of a certain lady.
AMONG thofe who never failed to refide at Bath,
during thefeafon, was a certain perfon, who, from
the moft abjetl mifery, had by his induftry and art at
play, amaffed about fifteen thousand pounds ; and though
his character was notorious, inftrriiated himfelf ib fir in-
to the favour of what is called the bed company, that
rery few private parties of pleafure took place, in which
he was not principally concerned. He was- of a gigantic
i.atue a moil intrepid countenance i. and his difpofition,
nr.turdiy overbearing, r?.d in the courfe of his adven-
tures and fuccefs,. acquired a mod intolerable degree cf
iafolence and vanity. Py the fero.cky of his feature",
and audacity of his behaviour, had obtained a reputa-
tion for the moil uncaunted courage, which had been
confirmed by divers adventures, in which he had humbled
the moll aiTuming heroes of his ovn fraternity; fo that he
10 A- reigned chiaf Heclor of the place, with unquel.bned
c-uthority.
\\ i'th thi.s fon of fortune was Peregrine one evening en-
gaged ?.t plo.y, and fo fuccefsful, that he could not help
informing his friend of his good luck. Godfrey hearing
r':.2 deiJcription of the lofsr, immediately recognized tha
per fon, whom he had known at Tunbridge ; and affu-
:!ng Pickle, that he was a fharper of the nril water, cau-
lii-ji againft any future connexion with fuch a dan-
companion, who (he affirmed) had fulfered him
ro win a fmall fum, that he might be encouraged to lofb
a Kiu^h greater,, upon fome other occasion.
Cut young gentleman treafured ap this advice ; r.n i
though he did not fcruple to give the gamefler an oppor-
tuni.y of retrieving his lofs, when he next day demandei
i-!s re'Cig-",. i.e r.bfo!utt!y refcfed to proceed, after la
had rcfuudcd ht3 winning i . The ather who conHdered
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 19$
him as a hot-headed unthinking youth, endeavoured to
'nflame his pride to a continuance of the game, by trea-
ting his (kill with fcorn and contempt ; and, among other
iarcaftic expreffions, acivifing him to go to fchool again,
before he pretended to engage with mafters of the art.
Our hero, incenfed at his arrogance, replied with great
warmth, that he knew himfelf fufficiently qualified for
playing with men of honour, who deal upon thefquare,
and hoped he fhould always deem it infamous, either to
learn or praftife the tricks of a profefTed gamefter. " Blood
and thunder meaning me, Sir ? (cried this artift, railing
his voice, and curling his vifage into a moft intimidating
frown.) Zounds! I'll cut the throat of any fcoundrel
who has the prefumption to fuppofe, that I don't play
as honourably as e'er a noble nan in the kingdom : and I
iniiil upon an explanation from you, Sir ; or by hell and.
brimttone ! I lhall expect other fort of fatisfaftion." Pe-
regrine (whofe blood by this time boiled within him) an-
fwered without hefitation ; " Far from thinking your de-
mand unreafonable I will immediately explain myfelf
without referve, and tell you, that, upon unqueftionable
authority, I believe you to be an impudent rafcal and
common cheat."
The Heftor was fo amazed and confounded at the free-
dom of this declaration, which he thought no man on
t;.ftii would venture to make in his prefence, that for
Come minutes he could not recollect himfelf; but, afc
length, whifpered a challenge in the ear of our hero,
Y/hich was accordingly accepted. When they arrived
next morning upon the field, the gamefter arming his
countenance with all its terrors, advanced with a fword
of a ir.onftrous length, and putting himfelf in a pofture,
called aloud in a moft terrific voice, " Draw damn ye,
draw ; I will this inftant fend you to your fathers." The
youth was not flow in complying with his defire ; hi:v
weapon was unfheathed in a moment, and he began the
attack with- fuch unexpected fpirit and addrefs, that his
-adverfary, having made fhift with great diffulty to parry
the ilrit pafs, retreated a few paces, and demanded a
parley, in which he endeavoured to perfuade the young
.nan, that to lay a man of his character under the nc-
ceOity of chaftifing his infolence, was the moft rafli and
jaconfiuerate ftep that he could poffibly have taken ; but,
that
aoo Tke ADVENTUES of
that he tad companion upon his youth, and was willing
to fpare him, if he would iurrender his fword send pro-
mife to a(k pardon in public for the offence he had sfiven.
Pickle was fo much exafperated at this unparallelled ef-
frontery, that without deigning to make the leaft reply,
he flung his own hat in the propofer's face, and renewed
the charge with fuch undaunted agility, that the game-
fter, finding himfelf in manifeft hazard of his life, betook
himfelf to his heels, and fled homewards with incredible
fpeed, being clofely purfued by Peregrine, who having
fheated his fword, pelted him with ftones as he ran, and
compelled him to go, that fame day, into banilhmentfrom
Bath, where he had domineered fo long.
By this atchievernent, which was thelubjedl of aftonilh-
ment to all the company, who had looked upon the fugi-
tive as a perfon of heroic courage, our adventurer's repu-
tation was rendered formidable in all its circumftances ;
although he thereby difobliged a good many people of
fa(hion, who had contracted an intimacy of friendship with
the exile, and who refentrd his difgrace, as if it had been
the misfortune of a worthy man, Thefe generous pa-
trons, however, bore a very fmall proportion to thofe
who werepleafed with the event of the duel, becaufe, in
the courfe of their refidence at Bath, they had either beea
infulted or defrauded by the challenger. Nor was this
Lirtance of our hero's courage unacceptable to the ladies,
few of whom could now refift the united force of fuch
acccmplilhments. Indeed, neither he nor his friend God-
frey would have found much, difficulty in picking up
an agreeable companion for life ; but Cauntle's heart
was pre-engaged to Sophy ; and Pickle, exclufive of taa
attachment to Emily, which was itronger than he him.-
felf imagined, poiielVed iuch a (hare of ambition, as could
not be fiiiaied with the conquefr of any female he beheld
at Bath.
' His'vififi wore, therefore promifcuou?, without any
other viev than that of aniufemenf ; and though his pride
w*r5 flattered by the advances of the fair whom he had
captivated, he never harboured one thought of proceeding
beyond the limits of common ga!lan:ry, and carefully
avoided f.li particular explanation?. I:ur, v. hat above ail
other enjoyments yielded him the moil agreeable enter-
:, A., tl.7 fcctet hitter y of characters, v,hic!i he
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 201
iearnM from a very extraordinary perfon, with whom he
became acquainted in this manner.
Being at the houfe of a certain lady, on a vifiting-day,
he was (truck with the appearance of an old man, who no
fooner entered the room than the miftrefsof the houfe very
Jtindiy dcfired one of the wits prefent to road the old put.
This petit maitre, proud of the employment, went up
to the fer.ior, who hnd fomething extremely peculiar and
figr.iflcant in his countenance, and faluung him with di-
vers fafliionable conge^, acco.led him in thefe words :
" Your fervanr, you old rafcal. I hope to have the honour
of feeing }ou hanged. I vow to Gad! you look ex-
tremely fin-eking, vi-uh thefe gummy eyes, lanthorn jaws,
snd toothless ch;:ps. \\hat! you fquint at the Isdies,
you old rotten medlar ? Yes, yes, we underftand your
ogiing ; but you muft content yburfelf with a cook-maid,
f.ak me ! 1 fee you want to fit. Thefe wuher'd flinnks of
yours tremble under their burthen : butyou mull have a lit-
tle patience, olJ Hiico ; indeed you muft. I intend to
mortify you a little longer, curfe me ! '
The company was ft tickbi with this addrcfs. wh^K
was delivered with much grimace and gefticulation, that
they biirfl. out into a loud rit of laughter, which they fa-
thead upon a monkey that was chained in the room ; and
when the peal wast>ver, the wit renewed his attack, in
thefe words: " I fuppofe you are fool enough to think
this mirth was occafioned by Pug : ay, there he is ; you had
.belt furvey him ; he is of your own family, fwitch me :
but die laugh \vas at your expence ; and you ought to
thank heaven for making you lo ridiculous." While he
uttered thefe ingenious ejaculations, the old gentleman
bowed alternately to him and the monkey, that feemed
to grin and chatter in imitation of the beau, and with an
.arch Iblemnity of vifage, pronounced, " Gentlemen, as
I have not the honour to underltand your compliments,
they will be much better bedewed on each other." So
laying, he feated himfelf, and had the fatisfadion to fee
the laugh returned upon the aggreffor, who remained
confounded and abafhed, and in a few minutes left the
room, rruttering, as he retired, " the old fellow grows
fcurrilou?, dap my breath."
^ While Peregrine wondered in filence at this extraordf-
dinary fcene, the lady of the houfe perceiving his furpfisy?,
gave him to underftand, that the ancient vlfiunt was ut-
terly
202 Tke ADVENTURES of
terly bereft of the fenfe of hearing ; that his name was
Cadwallader Crabtree : his difpofition altogether mifan-
thrcpical ; and that he was admitted into company on ac-
count of the entertainment he afforded by his farcailicob-
lervations, and the pleafant inittakes to which he was fub-
je<5t from his infirmity. Nor did our hero wait a long time
for an illuftration of this odd character. Every fentence
he fpoke was replete with gall ; nor did his fatire conliit
in general reflections, but in a feries of remarks, which
had been made through the medium of a moil whimfical
peculiarity of opinion.
Among thole who were prefent at (his aiTembly was a
young officer, who having by dint of interetl obtained a
feat in the lower houfe, thought it incumbent upon him
to talk of affairs of (late ; and accordingly regaled the
company with an account of a fecret expedition which the
French were bufied in prep3rng j alluring them, that he
had it from the mouth of the minifter, to whom it had
been tranfmitted by one of his agents abroad. In defcan-
ting upon the particulars of the armament, he obferved,
t&ar iiiry Iinii *Tr'Cr.v" M of tf 1 ? lir., r??dy manned and.
victualled at Breft, which were deftined for Toirioa,
where they would be joined by as many more ; and from
thence proceed to the execution of their fcheme, which
he imparted as a fecret not fit to be divulged.
This piece of intelligence being communicated to all
the company except Mr. Crabtree, who fuffered by his
lofs of hearing, that cynic was foon after accofted by a
lady, who, by means of an artificial alphabet, formed by
a certain 1 conjunction and difpofition of the fingers, afked
if he had heard any extraordinary news of late ? Cadwai-
lader, with his ufual complaifance, replied, that he fup-,
pofed fhe took him for a courier or fpy, by teizing him
eternally with that queftion. He then expatiated upon
the foolifh curiofity of mankind, which, he faid, muft
either proceed from idlenefs or want of ideas; and re-
peated almoft verbatim the officer's information, as a va-
gue ridiculous report, invented by fome ignorant cox-
comb, who wanted to give himfelf airs of importance, and
believed only by thofe who were utterly unacquainted with
the politics and ftrength of the French nation.
In confirmation of what ,he had advanced, he endea-
voured to demonftrate how impoffible it muft be for thai
people to fit out even the third part of fuch a navy, fo
foon,
PEREGRINE PICKLE. 203
foon after the lofles they had fu Stained during the war ;
and confirmed his proof by alferting, that, to his certain
knowledge, the harbours of Breft and Toulon could not
at that time produce a fquadron of eight fhips of the line J
The member, who was an utter ftranger to this mi'
anthrope, hearing his own afTeverations treated with fuch
contempt, glowed with confufion and refentment, find
raifing his voice, began to defend his own veracity
with great eagernefs and trepidation, mingljng with his
arguments many bluftering invecYives againft the infolence
and ill manners of his fuppofed contradictor, who fat
with the moft mortifying compofu/e of countenance, till
the officer's patience was quite exhaufted ; and then, to
the manifeft increafe of his vexation, he was informed,
that his antagonilV was fo deaf, that, in all probability,
the laft trumpet would make no imprefTion upon him,
without a previous renovation of his organs.
CHAP. LXXII.
He cultivates an acquaintance with the Mifantbrope, ivho
favours him the chairmen
and lacquies in waiting having furrounded and difarmed me
in a trice, I was committed to Newgate, and loaded with
chains; and a very fagacious gentleman, who was after-
wards hanged, having fat in judgment upon my cafe,
pronounced me guilty of a capital crime, and foretold my
condemnation at the Old Baily. His prognostic, how-
ever, was difappointed ; for no body appearing to profe-
cute me at the next feflions, I was difcharged, by order of
the court. It would beimpoffible for me to recount, in the
compafs of one day's converfation, all the particular ex-
ploits in which I bore a confiderable fhare : fuffice it to
lay, I have been,, at different times, prifoner in all the
jails within the bills of mortality. I have broke from
every rounci-houfe on this fide Temple-bar. No bailiff,
in the cays of my youth and defperation, durft execute a
writ upon me without a dozen followers; and the jufti-
ccs themfelves trembled when I xvas brought before
them I was
PEREGRINE PICKLE. zo 5 ,
I was once maimed by a carman, with whom I quar-
relled, becaufe he ridiculed my leek on St. David's day;,
my fkull was fractured by a butcher's cleaver, on the
like occafion. I have been run thro' the body five-
times, and loft the tip of my left ear by a piftol bullet.
In a rencounter of this kind, having left my antagonift
for dead, I was wife enough to make my retreat into
France; and a few days after my arrival at Paris enter-
ing into converfation with fome officers on the fubject of
politics, a difpute arofe, in which I loft my temper, and
fpoke fo irreverently of the Grand Monarque, that next
morning I was fent to the baftile, by virtue of a Lettre de
Cachet. There I remained for fome months, deprived of
all intercourfe with rational creatures ; a circumftance
for which I was not forry, as I had the more time to pro-
ject fchemes of revenge againft the tyrant who confined
me, and the wretch who had betrayed my private con-
rerlation: but tired, at length, with thefe fruitlefs fug-
geftions, I was fain to unbead the feverityof my thoughts
by a correfpondence with fome induftrious fpiders, who
had hung my dungeon with their ingenious labours.
I confidered their work with fuch attention, that I
foon became an adept in the myftery of weaving, and fur-
nifhed myfelf v/tih as many ufeful obferyations and reflec-
tions on that art, as will compofe a very curious treatife,
which I intend to bequeath to the Royal Society, for
the benefit of OUT woollen manufacture ; and this with
a view to perpetuate my own name, rather than befriend
my country : for, thank heaven ! I am weaned from all
attachments of that kind, and look upon myfelf as one ve-
ry little obliged to any fociety whatfoever. Although I
prefided with abfolute power over this long-legg'd com-
munity, and diftributed rewards and punishments to each,
according to his deferts, I grew impatient of my fituation ;
and my natural difpofition, one day, prevailing, like a fire
which had long been fmothered, I wreaked the fury of my
indignation upon my innocent fubjects, and in a twinkling
destroyed the whole race. While I was employed in this
general mafTacre, the turnkey, who brought me food, o-
pened the door, and perceiving rny tranfport, fhrugged up
hisfhoulders, andleavingmyallovvance, w?ntout,pronoun-
cing, L? pau