CURTIS DUNHAM
 
 THE CASINO GIRL IN LONDON
 
 " Do I look like a Marchioness ? " Page 267.
 
 BY 
 
 HERSELF 
 
 EDITED BY CURTIS DUNHAM 
 
 (Illustrated} 
 
 R. F. FENNO & COMPANY, 9 AND n EAST 
 
 SIXTEENTH STREET : : NEW YORK 
 
 1898
 
 Copyright, 1898 
 
 BY 
 R. F. FENNO & COMPANY 
 
 The Casino Girl in London
 
 Contents 
 
 CHAPTER PAGE 
 
 I. ME. SQUIBS CLEARS THE WAY 9 
 
 II. THEY'RE OFF ! 17 
 
 III. COMPLIMENTS OF LORD DANGEHFORD ... 29 
 
 IV. I VIEW MY NEW POSSESSIONS 44 
 
 V. ON THE PRIME IMPORTANCE OF "KICK- 
 ING" 57 
 
 VI. THE GINGPOOR OF KERHOOT 71 
 
 VII. Two FLAGS THAT WAVE AS ONE .... 87 
 
 VIII. I MEET A DUCHESS OR Two 101 
 
 IX. THE LIAR FORGETS His LINES 113 
 
 X. THE MAN WHO KNEW DICKENS 125 
 
 XI. THE ASCOT CUP 137 
 
 XII. '"Appy 'OMK IN CLAPHAM" 153 
 
 XIII. CAPTAIN LIVELY BECOMES TROUBLESOME, 170 
 
 XIV. How THE WITS UNBEND 184 
 
 XV. TOMMY ATKINS IN THE TOILS 203 
 
 XVI. COUNTESS PIPEDREME FORGETS HERSELF . 222 
 
 XVII. THE PRINCE SAYS: "How Do You LIKE 
 
 ENGLAND?" 236 
 
 XVIII. MY DIPLOMATIC RELATIONS 246 
 
 XIX. I DECIDE NOT TO BECOME A MARCHIONESS, 261 
 
 7
 
 "They never proceed to follow that Light, 
 But always follow me." 
 
 The Belle of New Y<n k.
 
 CHAPTER I 
 
 MR. SQUIBS CLEAES THE WAY 
 
 I HAD just finished dressing for the second 
 act and was applying to my lips those touches 
 of rouge which give them their demure expres- 
 sion, when there came a tap on my dressing- 
 room door. 
 
 "If it is Lord Dangerford, Prue," said I, 
 " thank him for the tiger's skin and say that 
 I'll be at home to-morrow at three." 
 
 "Lord Dangerford be blowed," said a fa- 
 miliar voice the moment Prue had opened the 
 door. And then the voice continued : " Are 
 you presentable ? May we come in ? " 
 
 The voice belonged to the American Friend 
 a most accommodating and useful person. 
 So I replied in accents as amiable as I could 
 command under the circumstances a foggy 
 first act blighted by a dull tea at the Honorable 
 Mrs. Pebblestone's: 
 
 " Gome in ; I'll give you just two minutes 
 and the tip is tuppence." 
 
 9
 
 lo The Casino Girl in London 
 
 " I say, really, talking of tips, you'll be sur- 
 prised, you know." 
 
 This remark proceeded from Squibs, of the 
 Gazette, a nice sort of chap, one of the first, in 
 fact, to predict for me the flattering social suc- 
 cess in London which was so soon to be real- 
 ized. I shook hands with Squibs. 
 
 " Mr. Squibs is right," said the American 
 Friend. " You will be surprised. We are here 
 to tip you, but not with tuppence, my dear." 
 
 " 'Arf a crown goes 'ere, sir," chimed in Little 
 Bobby, appearing from behind the broad shoul- 
 ders of the American Friend. "I say, Miss 
 Casino, lend me a needle and a bit of thread. 
 My ahem arum-a-tum-tums caught on a nail, 
 and the Censor's in front. Evening, Squibsey. 
 You're looking out of sight. When do I get 
 that notice?" 
 
 Little Bobby is not responsible. But she is 
 pretty and clever, and so we bear with her. At 
 a sign from me Prue took her behind a screen, 
 from whence occasional shrieks announced 
 plainly enough that the needle was doing its 
 work. 
 
 " What is this extraordinary tip you're so ex- 
 cited about? " I asked, as I made a last dab into 
 the rouge pot. " Not the races. I warn you,
 
 Mr. Squibs Clears the Way 11 
 
 never again the races. Not to be flippant, 
 there are two things I shall always remember : 
 first, the Maine ; second, the Ascot Cup. With 
 respect to the latter, my dressmaker and a cer- 
 tain worthy greengrocer with a growing family 
 are my comrades in adversity. If it is the 
 races, good evening." 
 
 " On the contrary, it's a sure thing," said the 
 American Friend. 
 
 " Exactly what the welcher said about his 
 tip on the Cup," said I. 
 
 "Squibs, you tell her," said the American 
 Friend ; "my clothes still seem to smell of that 
 beastly race." 
 
 The journalist beamed upon me again. 
 
 "It's something awfully jolly, you know, 
 Miss Casino. You are to write a book." 
 
 " I beg your pardon, Mr. Squibs ? " 
 
 " I say, old chap, you tell her," said Squibs, 
 who seemed disconcerted by my evident in- 
 credulity. 
 
 " That's perfectly straight," said the Amer- 
 ican Friend ; " you are to write a book about 
 your London experiences." 
 
 "Who is foolish enough to want to read 
 about my London experiences ? " I demanded.
 
 12 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 " The American public, my dear ; the great 
 American public." 
 
 " And the London public. 'Pon honor, the 
 London public would be charmed, you know," 
 said Squibs. 
 
 " But what experiences have I had that peo- 
 ple would care to read about ? " I asked, still 
 more than half believing that the American 
 Friend was chaffing me. 
 
 " Rubbish ! " piped Little Bobby over the 
 screen. " Did you meet the Prince, or didn't 
 you?" 
 
 Whereat Mr. Squibs nodded his head, still 
 smiling reassuringly. 
 
 " Do you mean that I could do that without 
 exhibiting vulgar disrespect ? How could I go 
 about boasting of such things least of all put 
 them into a book ? " 
 
 " Oh, really, now, you know," said Mr. 
 Squibs, "that's all your American idea. It 
 depends on how it's done." 
 
 " Exactly," said the American Friend. " Why 
 half the country inns in England are patronized 
 by the royal family, if you may believe their 
 advertisements." 
 
 " And I wash with the same soap the Queen
 
 Mr. Squibs Clears the Way 13 
 
 does," chirped Little Bobby; "it says so on 
 the box." 
 
 And Mr. Squibs, the best mannered and best 
 dressed man I had met in England, sat and 
 smiled and nodded his head as much as to say : 
 " You see how we do it over here, my dear. It 
 is little things like these that have made us the 
 greatest nation that ever ruled the earth. Why 
 can't you take a leaf out of our book, Miss 
 Casino ? When you are in Rome you know 
 the rest." 
 
 " First of all you owe it to your profession 
 at home," said the American Friend, " to write 
 this book." 
 
 " What interest has my profession at home 
 in the matter," I asked, " besides its natural joy 
 at the spectacle of a fellow member making a 
 fool of herself?" 
 
 This rude inquiry seemed to put the Amer- 
 ican Friend on his mettle, and he proceeded to 
 argue the matter, with a certain logic, I must 
 admit, as follows : 
 
 "My dear, you're too modest. You don't 
 half appreciate the significance of your achieve- 
 ment. It was reserved for you to turn the tide 
 of conquest. For how many years had that 
 tide flowed uninterruptedly from East to West
 
 14 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 from London to New York ? Consider the long 
 procession beginning with the original British 
 Blonde " 
 
 " Oh Lord ! the British Blonde ! " sniffed Lit- 
 tle Bobby, behind the screen. 
 
 " And ending with the Gaiety Girl." 
 
 " The girl we've left behind us," commented 
 Little Bobby with unction. 
 
 " Always moving with the Sun from East to 
 West. My dear, is it nothing to have headed a 
 procession that moves in the opposite direction? 
 To have represented your profession with dis- 
 tinction? To have compelled the leaders of 
 society " 
 
 "Not forgetting 'Is Royal Tghness," said 
 Little Bobby, grasping another opportunity to 
 practise her brand new cockney dialect. 
 
 "To open their doors to you? Is such a 
 conquest to go unchronicled merely because its 
 heroine has scruples about exploiting herself in 
 the light of attentions paid her by Lord Dan- 
 gerford, the Marquis of Silsbury, and one 
 who " 
 
 " Oh, I'll answer for the Prince," said Little 
 Bobby, cheerfully ; " he'll be tickled to death." 
 
 " Really, Miss Casino, the matter doesn't ad- 
 mit of argument, you know," urged Mr. Squibs.
 
 Mr. Squibs Clears the Way 15 
 
 "But I don't know the first thing about 
 writing a book," I protested. " It is one thing 
 to sit down and write to a friend about your ex- 
 periences, and quite another to put them into a 
 book for everybody to read. I shouldn't know 
 how to begin, even. Perhaps if I could imag- 
 ine that I were whispering my confidences into 
 the ear of a discreet and loyal friend in 
 America "- 
 
 Another interruption from Little Bobby, who 
 now appeared from behind the screen with her 
 garb repaired and her shapely limbs fit for the 
 Managerial Censor's most critical scrutiny. 
 
 " The Statue of Liberty," she said, with a 
 triumphant glance at Mr. Squibs. 
 
 " Bravo ! " exclaimed that gentleman, clap- 
 ping his gloved hands. " I say, Miss Casino, 
 there's an idea for you. It makes all plain sail- 
 ing, with opportunity for a genuine Homeric 
 touch at the beginning of the first chapter." 
 
 " For example ? " said I, insinuatingly. And 
 Mr. Squibs rose and declaimed my first chapter 
 in this wise : 
 
 " Into your ear, O chaste and beneficent God- 
 dess, I venture to whisper these confessions. 
 Since last I saw you, draped in your classic 
 robes, bearing aloft your steadfast torch, no
 
 16 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 triumph won in a strange land has driven from 
 my memory the smile of encouragement which 
 I seemed to see hovering upon thy chiseled lips. 
 It was that smile, O Liberty, that revived my 
 drooping spirits; that bade me resign myself 
 with confidence to the good ship, to the vener- 
 able ocean, and to the arms of the mother coun- 
 try. Therefore, dear Goddess, when, in my 
 crude and untutored way," 
 
 " Tommy rot ! " broke in Little Bobby. 
 " Chuck it." 
 
 " Second act ! " yelled the call boy, thrusting 
 his head into my dressing-room. 
 
 " So be it," I said, as Mr. Squibs escaped with 
 the American Friend. "But 'my crude and 
 untutored way ' shall speak for itself without 
 apology." 
 
 And so the die was cast.
 
 CHAPTER II 
 
 THEY'KE OFF ! 
 
 " MY dear, do be calm," said the Artiste, who, 
 swaddled like a mummy in her Scotch plaid 
 steamer rug, was placidly reading a French 
 novel. "Sit down. Be quiet. You'll annoy 
 the Captain. He knows what he's about." 
 
 " It's all very well for you who have crossed 
 before," I said, " to have confidence in the Cap- 
 tain. As for me, I think I know how to sym- 
 pathize with Columbus' poor sailors. Here we 
 have been for six days floating about in a fog. 
 We are supposed to be somewhere in the Eng- 
 lish Channel. Yesterday we were promised a 
 glimpse of Scilly. Last night we were to have 
 seen the Lizzard light, but didn't. I have faith 
 to believe that when we lost sight of Sandy 
 Hook the Captain had aimed the ship for that 
 fly speck off somewhere beyond the Northeast- 
 ern horizon called England, but what assurance 
 have I that he'll hit the mark ? I don't blame 
 the Captain. It's a mighty small mark to hit in 
 a fog." 
 
 17
 
 i8 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 The last words of my plaint were drowned 
 in the groaning shriek of the siren. Presently 
 there came an answering groan, faint but omi- 
 nous, from somewhere off the port bow the 
 first we had heard since our ship's dismal solo 
 began off the Banks. 
 
 " Cheer up," said the Artiste, closing her 
 novel and preparing to emerge from her rug. 
 
 "Does that mean land? " I asked eagerly. 
 
 Again our siren spoke, and its voice seemed 
 to have an upward inflection. Again came the 
 answering groan, louder and with a menacing 
 note in it. 
 
 " It means a ship crossing our bows." 
 
 "A companion in misery is something," I 
 said. 
 
 The dialogue between the two sirens was be- 
 coming rapid and emphatic. We stood by the 
 rail straining our eyes to catch a glimpse of the 
 stranger through the swirling mist. Little 
 Bobby, her tossing curls beady with moisture, 
 came flying toward us from the door of the 
 wheel house. 
 
 " Buck up, me 'earties," exclaimed our indus- 
 trious imitator of the cockney Second Steward. 
 " Hit's only two hours to Southampton." 
 
 " How do you know ? " I asked.
 
 They're Off! 19 
 
 " The First Hofficer just said so." 
 "How does the First Officer know?" 
 " 'E says as 'ow the other boat is a French 
 packet making for Jersey." 
 
 " Then but for the fog we should be within 
 sight of the Isle of Wight," I said. " Oh what 
 a beastly entrance ! " 
 
 I had set my heart on a more propitious ap- 
 proach to the scene of the conquest expected 
 of me. The gloomy passage had intensified all 
 the superstitions of ,my profession. I trembled 
 at the thought of the opening night in London 
 London ! The name of this centre of the the- 
 atrical universe seemed to gain new dignity 
 from my present standpoint. I, a miserable 
 atom tossed by wretched little Channel waves, 
 buried in a fog, crawling blindly toward the 
 giant to seize him for my prey ! Already tre- 
 mors of stage fright were shaking my poor knees. 
 An effective entrance upon the scene is half the 
 battle. Would that first terrible London au- 
 dience be frozen into indifference by an en- 
 trance upon the stage as wretched as that I was 
 now making upon England ? What a dreadful 
 omen ! Oh, that the fog would lift ; oh, for a 
 single ray of sunlight ! 
 
 " How are you feeling, dear ? " It was the
 
 2o The Casino Girl in London 
 
 Comedienne, the maddest, merriest, most irre- 
 sponsible of our party. Her expression was 
 woe-begone. The light had gone out of her 
 eyes. Her nose was red. She rubbed it on my 
 shoulder tearfully as she put her arm around 
 me and snuggled up as though to a natural 
 protector. 
 
 " Goodness gracious, go away ! " I exclaimed. 
 " You are free enough with your pranks when 
 the sun shines. Now that a little artificial 
 warmth would be appreciated you are as limp as 
 a rag. Go away ; I hate red noses in a fog." 
 
 " Very well, dear. I knew it. You feel just 
 as I do, and I feel just as that prince of bluffers, 
 Monte Cristo, looks from the front as though he 
 must feel when he stands on the rock in his 
 rags and shouts like an idiot : ' The world is 
 mine ! ' Darling, I want to go home." 
 
 To cap the climax of our misery Daffy came 
 up leaning tenderly on the arm of the Liar. 
 They had been sworn enemies for months. 
 Now her dank hair brushed his cheek, and they 
 leaned upon each other for support in their 
 despair. Little Bobby, dancing up, broke the 
 spell. 
 
 " Buck up, me boy," she said to the Liar,
 
 They're Off! 21 
 
 giving him a slap on the back. " The bloomin' 
 ship's still afloat." 
 
 " Look ! the fog is lifting," I exclaimed, as 
 the shadowy form of the other ship hove in 
 sight a quarter of a mile away, having crossed 
 our course. 
 
 " The Sun ! the Sun ! " said the Comedienne. 
 
 Far behind us the dull sea gleamed with a 
 touch of silver. It looked like a patch the size 
 of a city square. It seemed to be overtaking 
 us. A glorious acre of blue smiled above it. 
 The banks of fog rolled back still farther. 
 The rent in the clouds broadened. The patch 
 of silver danced forward and enveloped us. 
 
 " Hip, hip ! " said the Comedienne. " Hurrah 
 for us ! " 
 
 The sound of angry, sarcastic voices reached 
 me. Daffy and the Liar had resumed their 
 feud. 
 
 " How dare you speak to me, sir ! " 
 
 " Excuse me for being alive ? " 
 
 In front of us the horizon was still blurred 
 by misty clouds. I searched eagerly among 
 them for outlines more stable than their chang- 
 ing shapes. My eyes were keen for the first 
 sight of land. My eyesight is famously good. 
 It had already given odds to several glasses
 
 22 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 ostentatiously carried about by fellow passen- 
 gers. I said to myself that if I could be the 
 first to discern the Needles and their neighbor- 
 ing white cliffs all the bad omens of the voyage 
 would go for nought. I should accept the new 
 augury as a foretaste of victory over there a 
 little way beyond the misty clouds. I was 
 conscious of a powerful attraction in the ship 
 that had crossed our course almost at right 
 angles. She seemed to be proceeding with a 
 confidence that we somehow lacked. I glanced 
 at the bridge and saw the Captain scanning a 
 wide expanse of the horizon with his glass. 
 "Is he looking for a pilot?" I asked myself. 
 " Or is he in doubt about his course ? " Even 
 idiots find short cuts to the truth. I could not 
 help feeling that we were sailing too much to- 
 ward the East. So I continued to bend my 
 gaze in the direction of the stranger ship, past 
 her deep into the mist that each moment grew 
 more diaphanous as the rays of the afternoon 
 sun became warmer and more penetrating. 
 Presently certain clouds appeared to me to take 
 on the quality of a veil swaying over rugged 
 outlines that were immovable. I rubbed my 
 eyes and looked again. No. I was not mis- 
 taken. Something solid was behind that veil.
 
 They're Off! 23 
 
 It was land the first foreign shore I had ever 
 beheld. 
 
 " It's mine, mine ! " I cried joyfully. 
 
 " What's yours ? " queried a chorus of voices. 
 
 " England, London," said I. 
 
 " And pray why is England yours ? " inquired 
 the Artiste regarding me with amazement. 
 
 " Because I saw it first," said I. 
 
 " Oh, that settles it," said the Comedienne. 
 "But where?" 
 
 " The other ship is making straight for it." 
 
 " I see nothing but clouds," said the Artiste, 
 turning away. " The nearest land must be the 
 Isle of Wight, and if the Isle of Wight lies 
 over there what in the name of goodness are 
 we steering for ? " 
 
 A profane exclamation from the Liar directed 
 our attention to a new phenomenon. He was 
 leaning over the rail and apostrophizing our 
 ship's wake, which was curving like a rain- 
 bow. 
 
 " Look ! " I cried in triumph. " We are 
 turning toward the North. We are following 
 the other ship. What did I tell you ? " 
 
 My triumph was complete. Our ship com- 
 pleted a sweeping semicircle and then headed 
 straight for the white cliffs that now showed
 
 24 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 distinctly in the sun, all but their summits 
 which were wreathed in a film of vapor. 
 
 When we had finished dancing about the 
 deck and hugging each other, Little Bobby ap- 
 proached me with exaggerated humility, her 
 forefinger at the side of her bicycle cap, and 
 said : 
 
 " Hi begs yer pardon, missus ; Hengland is 
 yours. Hi 'ereby renounces hall claim." 
 Followed by the Come'dienne praying : 
 " Please, mum, all I asks is one little Duke." 
 " My dears, if Dukes are to be had for the 
 asking each of you shall go home a Duchess. 
 At this moment I feel that London is already 
 mine. You may have the Dukes and wel- 
 come." 
 
 To me these details of first impressions are 
 not trivial or unworthy of a place in this chron- 
 icle. All of them had a significant bearing 
 upon the momentous object of my pilgrimage. 
 London, presented to my mind's eye lurking be- 
 hind a rampart of fog, seemed a monster 
 crouching in ambush eager to crush and devour 
 me. It did not seem to me that I could sur- 
 vive a landing on English soil under such ma- 
 levolent conditions. The coming of the sun, 
 the glistening welcome of Britain's white cliffs,
 
 " Dancing about the deck. 1 ' Page 24.
 
 They're Off! 25 
 
 changed all. London and that crucial first 
 night lost all their terrors. As the red-tiled 
 roofs came into view beyond the white cliffs, 
 and the sweet English landscape, with its 
 charming richness of verdure, seemed to smile 
 upon me with a countenance clean and glowing 
 as though just washed by heaven in honor of 
 my coming, I had a prophetic vision of my first 
 London audience showering upon me its favors 
 from boxes, stalls, pit and gallery. At that 
 moment I knew the vision would be realized. 
 And though I knew it would have faded away 
 hours before my great need of it should come I 
 was grateful for it, and I kissed my hands at 
 the green hedges and the close, dark foliage 
 again and again. 
 
 Up the Solent, past Cowes where the towers 
 of Osborne House, beloved of the Queen, point 
 their fingers upward through green domes, on 
 past gently sloping hillsides checkered with 
 different-hued crops, lights and shadows play- 
 ing hide and seek everywhere, their outlines 
 softened and vague in the humid atmosphere. 
 Yes. This was the England of my dreams. 
 Who would not die fighting for her ? Who of 
 her sons ? Who could hope to wrest her from
 
 26 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 them ? Shade of Julius Caesar, what were you 
 thinking of? 
 
 Evidences of an unusual commotion about the 
 decks disturbed my reverie. A donkey engine 
 awoke into spasmodic industry. Excited voices 
 reached my ears. 
 
 " Little Bobby ! Little Bobby ! " 
 
 " Comin', mum, comhi'." 
 
 " Look, Little Bobby. Coming through the 
 gate. Your namesake." 
 
 We were within a stone's throw of the 
 Southampton Docks, and the Comedienne had 
 caught sight of a burly and awesome figure 
 surmounted by a black helmet strapped under 
 his moustache. He raised an authoritative fore- 
 finger and an obstreperous cart horse reared 
 back on his haunches, saluting with his fore- 
 feet in the air, and instantly became meek and 
 law-abiding. 
 
 Safely landed. Special train for London 
 waiting in the background. Money changer in 
 foreground doing a rushing business. Hand 
 over known value in Uncle Sam's pledges 
 to redeem ; receive unknown value in coins 
 bearing Her Majesty's portrait. Pocketbook 
 stuffed with them. They must be good for
 
 They're Off! 27 
 
 everybody wants a sample. Porters on all 
 sides, smiling and expectant. 
 
 "Boxes, mum? This way, mum. Thank 
 you." Two and six. 
 
 "Customs hofficer? Division C, mum. 
 Thank you." Two bob. 
 
 " Cable hoffice, mum ? First turn on the 
 left, mum. Thank you." One and six. 
 
 " Change for a sovereign, mum ? Hover by 
 the door, mum. Thank you." Threppence 
 all the coppers in my purse. 
 
 " Luggage to London, mum ? This way, 
 mum. Thank you." One bob. 
 
 "Check for luggage, mum? An Hamerican 
 custom, mum. Quite superfluous 'ere, mum. 
 Thank you." Sixpence. 
 
 " First class carriage, mum ? 'Ere you are, 
 mum. Thank you." Tuppence. 
 
 " Compartment hexclusive, mum ? Difficult, 
 mum thank you (half a crown) but possible. 
 'Ere you are, mum. Thank you." Two shill- 
 ings. 
 
 The Comedienne is flushed and disheveled. 
 She throws herself back in a corner of the com- 
 partment, breathing hard. 
 
 " My dear, have you any of those portraits of 
 the Queen left in your purse ? "
 
 28 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 " A few. Why do you ask ? " 
 
 " Lend me tuppence, won't you. I have a 
 presentiment that the Prince will be at the sta- 
 tion." 
 
 Rumble and roar. More green hedges; 
 more red tiled roofs. It is nearly nine o'clock, 
 but the sky is still red over the hills to the 
 Northwest. The long English Spring twilight 
 has just begun. It still lingers while we rattle 
 through the tawdry modern suburbs of the 
 giant city. Cheap new brick boxes only a trifle 
 smaller than the squalid, vainglorious "gar- 
 dens " which contain them. All the charm of 
 rural England has vanished. All the majesty 
 of London's ancient history is insulted and 
 dimmed by this plebeian, upstart approach. My 
 recent vision of certain, speedy conquest has 
 faded quite away. Grey old St. Paul's to 
 the right ; Westminster and the Houses of Par- 
 liament on the left. Once more I am a 
 wretched atom, the sport of destiny. 
 
 London Waterloo Station. "Alone in Lon- 
 don!"
 
 CHAPTER III 
 
 COMPLIMENTS OF LOKD DANGEKFOBD 
 
 A SMALL residential hotel at the bottom of 
 some fag end of a street near the Strand which 
 I never could find without the assistance of a 
 policeman, sheltered me during my first week 
 in London. The establishment had a meek and 
 brow-beaten exterior wholly inconsistent with 
 its inner workings. A " residential " hotel in 
 London is a hotel that provides all the discom- 
 forts of home and presents an itemized bill for 
 the same at the end of each week. The bill 
 includes " attendance," but that fact, stipulated 
 in the bond, does not absolve you from the for- 
 eigner's sacred duty of scattering his small 
 change right and left, morning, noon and night. 
 As he sows silver and coppers so shall he reap 
 the necessaries of existence. No planting of 
 the seed, no harvesting of the crop. Fortu- 
 nately for my physical comfort I was far too 
 depressed mentally to make any show of resist- 
 ance. I was a veritable fountain designed for 
 no other apparent purpose than that of spout- 
 
 29
 
 30 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 ing a steady stream of coin of the realm, which, 
 descending in a spray of shillings and sixpence, 
 should moisten the parched palms of the serv- 
 ing multitude. Though I must admit that the 
 greater part of this multitude was distinguished 
 by a rugged and constitutional honesty in most 
 matters, my entire willingness to accept ten 
 shillings in change for a sovereign and an equal 
 number of pennies for a shilling, was a source 
 of no small profit to numerous worthy persons. 
 Three horrible days and nights had to be 
 lived through before I should know my fate. 
 Between showers on the afternoon of the first 
 day I set out for a stroll to the theatre, barely 
 half a dozen squares distant on the other side 
 of the Strand, intending to inspect the line of 
 distinguished Londoners awaiting their turn at 
 the box office, and to determine, if possible, to 
 what extent the royal family and the nobility 
 were represented. After losing myself seven 
 or eight times, and each time being assured by 
 a policeman that " the first turning to the right, 
 second turning to the left " would bring me to 
 my destination, I secured a hansom, and, hav- 
 ing been driven at least six miles in as many 
 different directions for which I had to pay 
 eight miles' worth I was at length deposited
 
 Compliments of Lord Dangerford 31 
 
 in front of a large frame of photographs exhib- 
 iting my attractions in different costumes. 
 
 Alas ! in vain I looked for that long line of 
 prospective first-nighters representing the flower 
 of British aristocracy. The box office was 
 there. Its window stood invitingly open. A 
 gentleman with a beard, a high forehead and an 
 aspect of congealed expectancy stared into the 
 deserted lobby through the aperture. On either 
 side of the entrance fulsome announcements of 
 my coming, of my astonishing and overpower- 
 ing gifts, of my high personal and artistic ex- 
 cellencies too numerous to mention, stared me 
 in the face like hollow mockeries. 
 
 Presently two unclean youths smoking pipes 
 stopped in front of the photographs, looked 
 them over in contemptuous silence, and passed 
 on to one of the bills, which they proceeded 
 with much deliberation to read and digest. 
 Finally the more unclean of the two remarked : 
 
 "W'otdoyous'y, Bill?" 
 
 " Gammon, I says." 
 
 " Cheek, says I." 
 
 And they went on their way puffing at their 
 pipes. 
 
 Scorned by the pit. Held in contempt by 
 the gallery. What could I expect from the
 
 32 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 stalls? Would the boxes deign to recognize 
 the fact of my existence ? 
 
 So I called another hansom and drove dis- 
 mally back to my sowing of shillings and my 
 reaping of small civilities. 
 
 Domiciled with me during these days of su- 
 preme trial were the Artiste, the Comedienne, 
 Little Bobby, Daffy, the Liar, and Tommy At- 
 kins the last so named on account of her in- 
 stantly acquired propensity for running after 
 the Queen's scarlet-coated protectors. The Ar- 
 tiste wore her customary air of serenity. The 
 others might have been festooned with crape 
 and gained thereby no added aspect of woe. 
 
 The state apartments of the establishment, 
 consisting of a sitting-room and, presumably, a 
 sleeping-room, were directly across the narrow 
 hall from my own comparatively humble quar- 
 ters. They were occupied by that mighty per- 
 sonage, our manager, who was booked to sail 
 for America on the Saturday after our opening. 
 His efforts to appear smiling and confident were 
 really pitiful. Fortunately a cosmopolitan in- 
 dividual, hardened by many years of managerial 
 controversies with Italian prima donna and 
 French tragediennes on land and sea a verita- 
 ble singed cat among managers widely known
 
 Compliments of Lord Dangerford 33 
 
 as "the American's Friend in London," called 
 daily with words of hope. Accordingly our 
 manager was enabled to pull himself together 
 when in our presence and maintain a mild and 
 uncertain semblance of authority. On the 
 morning of the day of our opening performance 
 I chanced to discover how really desperate was 
 the situation which confronted him. A cham- 
 bermaid entering with a shilling's worth of in- 
 quiry whether I had rung, and making her 
 mollified exit leaving the door ajar, I was 
 startled by the sound of violent weeping which 
 seemed to come from across the hall. I stepped 
 outside my door and perceived that the lamen- 
 tations proceeded from our manager's sitting- 
 room, his door being slightly open. Mingled 
 with these mournful sounds were indistinct 
 ejaculations of protest. The latter at length 
 gained the ascendancy, and my astonished ears 
 drank in the following significant words : 
 
 " No, no ; I say no. You shall stay. You 
 shall not go back with me. I tell you I shall 
 not trust Miss Casino to the tender mercies of 
 a lot of envious English chorus people. Now 
 my dear, do brace up." 
 
 "Boo, hoo, hoo, I don't care; I want to go 
 home. Boo, hoo, hoo, hoo."
 
 34 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 It was Little Bobby. I could hardly believe 
 my ears. At the manager's next words I nearly 
 fainted. 
 
 " Little Bobby, you are the limit. I thought 
 I could rely on you. I expected it of the oth- 
 ers, and I haven't been disappointed. They've 
 all been here begging me to take them home, 
 throwing away the opportunity of their lives, 
 weeping buckets full every one of them. But 
 you,!"- 
 
 I waited to hear no more, but returned to my 
 room and proceeded to weep several buckets 
 full on my own account. I had hardly accom- 
 plished this comforting duty when the Come'- 
 dienne burst into my room in a state of wild 
 dismay, crying: 
 
 " It's all over." 
 
 I gave her a look of resigned inquiry. 
 
 " London won't have us. It's all settled." 
 
 And then, flinging herself into an armchair 
 and swaying to and fro distractedly, the Come'- 
 dienne uttered these ominous words : 
 
 " Daffy and the Liar are making up again ! " 
 
 I have already mentioned the brief suspen- 
 sion of this celebrated feud during the darkest 
 period of our foggy approach to England. It 
 was well understood among us that the mildest
 
 Compliments of Lord Dangerford 35 
 
 approach to an armistice between these two 
 mortal enemies portended calamity. The fact 
 that they were actually making up was preg- 
 nant with the most disastrous possibilities. 
 The Comedienne and I sat staring at each other 
 in stony despair until we were summoned to at- 
 tend the final dress rehearsal. 
 
 I have prayed that this humiliating function 
 might be erased from my memory. Chaos is 
 the only word that approaches an intelligent 
 description of it. To begin with, the manager 
 worked himself into a violent temper over the 
 absence of one of the scene shifters. Then he 
 created a panic among the chorus people by 
 sending them all to their rooms to dress over 
 again. There was a tempest over a wrinkle in 
 one of the Artiste's first act stockings, from 
 which that usually placid person retired in 
 tears. My make-up was declared to have been 
 applied with a whitewash brush, whereat I wept 
 and spent another half hour over it. It was 
 after four o'clock when the company's outward 
 aspect finally passed muster. But there was 
 worse to come. 
 
 " Now if you will condescend to give me a 
 part only a part of your valuable attention," 
 said the manager, with withering courtesy, " I
 
 36 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 desire to make a few general remarks perti- 
 nent, I assure you, and necessary. Is there any 
 one present who knows how it seems to play to 
 empty benches ? " 
 
 A moment of silence relieved by scattering 
 spasmodic sobs. 
 
 " Does it happen that any of you know what 
 it is to be hissed ? " 
 
 More sobs interspersed with sundry gulps and 
 moans. 
 
 " Perchance a few of you know how it feels 
 to be pelted with cabbages and other vegeta- 
 bles?" 
 
 Whimpers from the ladies ; sepulchral groans 
 from the gentlemen. 
 
 "Fie, fie, ladies and gentlemen. At your 
 ages I believe some of you ladies are more than 
 sixteen to still cherish such childish illusions 
 always packed houses, always applause and cur- 
 tain calls, always bouquets and bracelets. Fie, 
 fie, I say." 
 
 And then, after a ghastly pause, in tones of 
 thunder : 
 
 "Have any of you ever had to WALK 
 HOME ! " 
 
 Sounds of lamentation from all sides. Above 
 which, in still more thunderous accents :
 
 Compliments of Lord Dangerford 37 
 
 " It is well. This night shall bring to you 
 the blessing of wisdom. The house will be 
 empty. You will be hissed. You will be pelted 
 with cabbages. And to-morrow " 
 
 Another tragic pause. 
 
 " TO-MOKROW YOU WALK HOME ! " 
 
 Whereupon Daffy and the Liar instantly and 
 publicly fell into each other's arms. 
 
 The rehearsal then proceeded with tolerable 
 success. Chastened by mental suffering, re- 
 signed to the worst, we were martyrs to duty, 
 going through our parts with a precision never 
 before achieved. 
 
 At the conclusion of the rehearsal the mana- 
 ger looked at his watch, smiled the smile of a 
 victorious general and said: 
 
 " Seven o'clock. I have ordered some tea 
 and buttered buns served on the stage. Any 
 member of the company removing his or her 
 costume or make-up until after this evening's 
 performance will be fined one week's salary. 
 Jack ! Jack ! " 
 
 The guardian of the stage entrance appeared. 
 "Jack, lock the doors." 
 
 We will pass over the interval of tea and 
 buttered buns. 
 
 It Was perhaps an hour later, while I was
 
 38 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 nervously experimenting with my darkened eye- 
 lashes, that the Comedienne burst into my 
 dressing-room wildly excited, saying : 
 
 " What do you think, dear ? There are at 
 least fifty people in the gallery!" And out 
 she bounded again. 
 
 This was the signal for a succession of start- 
 ling communications hurled at me through my 
 open door during the next half hour. 
 
 " Well, if this 'ere ain't a rum go. The pit 
 is packed," screamed Little Bobby at me with 
 sparkling eyes. 
 
 " The stalls are filling up," shrieked Tommy 
 Atkins. 
 
 " Such swells you never saw," added the 
 Comedienne. 
 
 "They make a New York first night audi- 
 ence look like tuppence ha'penny," declared Lit- 
 tle Bobby. 
 
 And then a succession of duets, trios, quar- 
 tettes and choruses : 
 
 " The stalls are full. Hooray ! " 
 
 " The gallery is jammed. " 
 
 " Gee ! Even the boxes are sold I " 
 
 " But not occupied this early ! " I exclaimed, 
 starting incredulously for the peep hole. 
 
 But even before I beheld the crowded house
 
 Compliments of Lord Dangerford 39 
 
 waiting impatiently for the curtain to rise I 
 saw that which stilled all my fears. 
 
 Daffy and the Liar were scowling at each 
 other from opposite sides of the stage. They 
 had resumed their feud. 
 
 When I turned in amazement from the peep 
 hole I found the American Friend at my side. 
 
 " Not a bad house," said he, calmly. 
 
 " If only it was money," I sighed. 
 
 " What else could it be ? " he asked in evi- 
 dent surprise. 
 
 " Paper, " I said ; " paper to save appear- 
 ances." 
 
 " Nonsense. It's pounds, shillings and pence, 
 with the accent on the pounds, my dear." 
 
 " But the boxes " 
 
 " Oh, Lord Dangerford, having just returned 
 from his annual quest of big game in the jun- 
 gle, has a very natural zest for civilized amuse- 
 ments. As for the Honorable Mrs. Pebble- 
 stone " 
 
 "The Honorable Mrs. Pebblestone here?" 
 I exclaimed, doubting the evidence of my ears. 
 
 " Certainly. Her party occupies two boxes. 
 She is an ardent patron of the stage, you 
 know. That accounts for her early arrival." 
 
 I had not dared to hope for this. I had al-
 
 4O The Casino Girl in London 
 
 ready learned of the powerful influence ex- 
 erted by this lady in London society, and had 
 wondered how it would seem if a miracle 
 should enable me to appear before her. 
 
 " Of course it will be a little late before all 
 the boxes are filled," continued the American 
 Friend. " The Duchess of Edgecombe rarely 
 reaches the theatre before nine or half past, 
 and you can't count on Lady Dunstable, 
 Countess Pipedreme or the Earl of Dripping- 
 eaves much before that hour. 
 
 " Do you mean that all these have taken 
 boxes ? " I demanded in astonishment. 
 
 "Certainly. Why not? It isn't everyday 
 the Casino Girl comes to London." 
 
 I ran back to my room with my senses all 
 awhirl. The overture was ended. A burst of 
 applause from the gallery informed me that the 
 curtain was up. I seemed to hear vaguely 
 from a distance the first lines of the opening 
 chorus : 
 
 When a man is twenty-one 
 Let him drink hot rum ; 
 Let him drink it hot and cold 
 Hot and cold. 
 
 Then I pulled myself together, feeling my 
 cheeks burn at the sudden recollection that I,
 
 1 Ze lady from France, she walk like zis." Page 41.
 
 Compliments of Lord Dangerford 41 
 
 an independent American girl, was allowing 
 my head to be turned by the prospect of pres- 
 ently attracting the notice of half a dozen pairs 
 of aristocratic eyes. Soon another sentiment, 
 even more powerful, enlivened all my facul- 
 ties. I could hear the Artiste, in her precise 
 manner, giving the exact shade of meaning to 
 each line, singing : 
 
 Ze American girl she walk like zis 
 
 In a haughty mannaire, 
 Ze lady from France she walk like zis 
 
 In a nanghty mannaire. 
 Now which do you like ze best, M'sieur? 
 Now which do you like to see, 
 Ze 'aughty proud American girl 
 Or ze lady from gay Paree ? 
 
 I left my room and stood in the wings while 
 the song continued. I could see white gloved 
 hands leveling lorgnettes upon the singer, in 
 the boxes opposite. In stalls, pit and gallery 
 there were characteristic evidences of admir- 
 ing attention. It was plain that the Artiste 
 was making herself popular. I had been told 
 that an encore was proof of extraordinary favor 
 with a London audience, and here was I hav- 
 ing that record made for me to beat at the very 
 start !
 
 42 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 It is enough for me to say that the Artiste's 
 example was not wasted on the Salvation 
 Lassie. In my first song there is this quatrain : 
 
 And I therefore cannot see, 
 
 When I go oat to preach, 
 Why men must say to me 
 
 That I'm a perfect peach. 
 
 Advised by the management I emphasized 
 slightly the word " peach, " and not without a 
 favorable result, as the sequel will show. 
 
 The curtain had hardly fallen on the first 
 act when a note was delivered to me in my 
 dressing-room which read as follows : 
 
 " Lord Dangerford presents his compliments 
 and requests Miss Casino to reply by the bearer 
 defining the word, * Peach,' as used in her 
 charming song." 
 
 My reply written on the same sheet was this : 
 
 " Miss Casino begs to inform Lord Danger- 
 ford that the word, ' Peach,' as used in the 
 song, is an Americanism signifying that the ob- 
 ject to which it is applied is entitled to the su- 
 perlative degree of respectful admiration." 
 
 The second act was no less successful than 
 the first. On returning to my dressing-room- 
 at its close I found two notes awaiting me. 
 The first ran thus :
 
 Compliments of Lord Dangerford 43 
 
 " Mr. Squibs, of the Gazette, presents his 
 compliments and begs that Miss Casino will ac- 
 cept his assurances of the unanimous and cor- 
 dial commendation of the London press." 
 
 I may remark here that Mr. Squibs' assur- 
 ances proved perfectly trustworthy. 
 
 The other note which contained an odd- 
 shaped bit of dull metal heavily mounted in 
 gold with a few links of gold chain attached to 
 it read as follows : 
 
 " Lord Dangerford begs to assure Miss Ca- 
 sino that he considers her a large basket of 
 peaches, and requests her to accept as a souvenir 
 of this occasion the bullet with which he shot 
 and killed his first elephant."
 
 CHAPTER IV 
 
 I VIEW MY NEW POSSESSIONS 
 
 SEATED in a golden chariot drawn by four 
 beautiful pale blue horses in ecru trappings, I 
 was bowing and smiling right and left to the 
 cheering multitude while approaching the pur- 
 ple draped dais upon which stood a majestic 
 figure in a great iron grey horsehair wig mak- 
 ing obeisances innumerable in my direction and 
 extending politely the handle of a gigantic iron 
 key, when I felt myself suddenly seized by 
 some rude hand while a shrill voice cried, as the 
 multitude, the golden chariot, the ecru-trapped 
 blue horses and the gentleman with the big 
 iron key seemed to fade away: 
 
 " Do wake up, my dear. Wake up. Wake 
 up!" 
 
 It was the Comedienne with an armful of 
 newspapers skaking me violently by the shoul- 
 der. 
 
 " There, at last ! My dear, you left a call 
 44
 
 I View My New Possessions 4^ 
 
 for ten o'clock, and here it is nearly noon. 
 What is the matter ? Are you ill ? " 
 
 " No, dear, not ill," I replied, drowsily ; 
 " only dreaming." 
 
 " Well, you don't need to dream any more," 
 and the Comedienne threw down the newspa- 
 pers on the foot of my bed. 
 
 "I was sitting in a golden chariot sur- 
 rounded by the cheering populace and the Lord 
 Mayor in a big wig was just about to present 
 me with the keys of London, when" 
 
 " Never mind, dear," interrupted the Come'- 
 dienne, as she complacently marked an article 
 in one of the papers with a blue pencil, " the 
 keys of London, figuratively speaking, have 
 been delivered according to the modern custom 
 while the person thus honored was still sleep- 
 ing. Here they are." And the Comedienne 
 buried me beneath a rustling coverlet of com- 
 plimentary press notices. " How could you 
 sleep until you knew what the critics thought 
 about it?" 
 
 " Mr. Squibs, of the Gazette, sent me a note 
 last night assuring me of the hearty commen- 
 dation of the entire London press." 
 
 " And you could go to sleep like a baby on 
 the strength of that ? " The Comedienne re-
 
 46 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 garded me with admiring eyes. " Your faith is 
 something most gorgeous and beautiful to be- 
 hold." 
 
 "You don't mean," said I in sudden alarm, 
 reaching for one of the papers, "that Mr. 
 Squibs " 
 
 "No," laughed the Comedienne, "I don't 
 mean that Mr. Squibs' judgment was warped 
 by the spell cast over him by the Casino Girl. 
 He is a true prophet. The notices are all like 
 the one you have in your hand nearly a col- 
 umn each in which they declare unanimously 
 that London is yours." 
 
 I turned my attention to the coffee and rolls 
 which arrived at this juncture, remarking, after 
 a moment, to the Comedienne, who was still 
 making ecstatic blue pencil commentaries : 
 
 " My dear, I've a notion to go out and view 
 my new possessions." 
 
 "Splendid idea. May I go with you? Shall 
 I call a brougham ? " 
 
 "No, not a brougham. I shall view the 
 West End at another time, under auspices as 
 flattering as they are appropriate. In fact 
 Lord Dangerford " 
 
 "What! Already?" said the Comedienne. 
 " When I left the theatre last night there
 
 I View My New Possessions 47 
 
 wasn't a single Johnny at the stage door not 
 that it makes any difference to me," she added, 
 hastily, "but since you mention his Lord- 
 ship," 
 
 " When you have looked about you a little 
 more," I said, composedly, " you will learn that 
 the nobility enjoy certain privileges which ordi- 
 nary members of the aristocracy do not. Stage 
 door civilities, for example, while including 
 such diversions as excursions by private launch 
 up the Thames, coaching parties to Richmond 
 and Hampton Court, besides more Bohemian 
 recreations which I prefer not to discuss stage 
 door civilities, I repeat, may have an aristocratic 
 origin which members of the chorus " 
 
 " If you've been reading Baedeker of course 
 I've nothing more to say," broke in the Come- 
 dienne, in the jerky manner customary with 
 her when she is not wholly pleased with the 
 outlook. 
 
 "I was about to refer," I resumed, calmly, 
 " to certain correspondence between my dress- 
 ing-room and one of the boxes after the first 
 act last night," 
 
 "It's against the rules of the management," 
 snapped the Comedienne. 
 
 " My dear, you are yet to learn that in Lon-
 
 48 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 don managers of theatres make rules for the 
 benefit of the chorus. With respect to the er 
 I may say the prima donna, and members of 
 the nobility, all rules, as well as all bets, are 
 off. I shall not attempt to conceal from you, 
 dear, that the correspondence of which I spoke 
 was with Lord Dangerford. You will find a 
 specimen of it on my dressing table, I think 
 there, to the right, the extremely bad hand 
 writing, under the gold mounted bullet with 
 which his Lordship killed his first elephant. 
 Oh, certainly, read it, if you like." 
 
 There is a certain class of girls who go upon 
 the stage, girls of extraordinary animal spirits 
 and ambition, with whom one has to be a little 
 high-handed occasionally. Otherwise the world 
 would be full of prima donnas and business at 
 a standstill for lack of choruses. I am sorry to 
 say that the Comedienne, otherwise a most 
 charming companion, belongs to this class. Of 
 course, strictly speaking, she is one of the prin- 
 cipals of the company ; but after all there are 
 really only two general classifications, and I 
 have always felt it my duty to the management 
 to curb any tendency toward forge tfulness of 
 this fact. 
 
 " Very well," said the Comedienne, making
 
 I View My New Possessions 49 
 
 an effort not to appear sulky, " then I'll call a 
 hansom." 
 
 "Don't trouble yourself, dear," I replied 
 amiably ; " I'm not going to St. John's Wood, 
 to-day. I shall probably take a house there 
 presently, but to-day I shall view my new pos- 
 sessions, the City of London, appropriately, in 
 a 'bus, wearing my oldest boots, my white cot- 
 ton stockings and my most dilapidated hat. I 
 hope I'm patriotic and all that, but I hate to be 
 pointed at wherever I go as an American just 
 arrived. My dear, you are altogether too 
 neatly and becomingly dressed ever to be in the 
 swim in London." 
 
 " If it is necessary to be a dowdy to be in the 
 swim in London, then I prefer to stand on my 
 record as an American," said the Comedienne, 
 defiantly. " I shan't change a thing." 
 
 It was a charming morning when I raised the 
 blind and looked out. It hadn't rained for fif- 
 teen minutes, and there were indications that 
 another half hour would elapse before the 
 natives would begin to shudder over prospects 
 of a dry season. So we lost no time in setting 
 out. We walked up the Strand to Trafalgar 
 Square for a starting point. This and St. 
 Paul's are the only two localities in London
 
 50 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 from which I have ever made a successful start 
 for anywhere else. We were speedily discov- 
 ered, and no less promptly classified as to na- 
 tionality in spite of my white cotton stockings, 
 by a policeman who had not yet been lured by 
 the fickle sun to remove his waterproof cape. 
 He held up an inquiring forefinger. Whereat 
 we made a frantic scramble through the billows 
 of vehicles of all kinds toward the little island 
 with its lamp-post citadel where the officer was 
 intrenched. I told him that we wished to enter 
 the City by way of the Strand, whereupon he 
 pointed out a 'bus with plenty of room on its 
 upper deck. Then he held up that potent fore- 
 finger again, and the traffic stopped instantly 
 while the Comedienne and I passed on in safety 
 to the 'bus, whose driver seemed to understand 
 through some occult means of communication 
 with the policeman that we were fragile and to 
 be handled with care. 
 
 To me there is something peculiarly fascinat- 
 ing about the top of a London 'bus. This lofty 
 perch affords a splendid view of the street and 
 the shops. There is an exhilarating spice of 
 danger as the horses start off on their astonish- 
 ingly swift trot considering the crowded condi- 
 tion of the thoroughfare ; but the street is so
 
 I View My New Possessions 51 
 
 well paved and the swaying of the top-heavy 
 vehicle so gentle that one's confidence is soon 
 won; so that, if the weather is fine, the ride is 
 more enjoyable than any offered by any other 
 public conveyance that I know of. Even in 
 case of rain the waterproof lap robes with 
 which the seats are provided make an umbrella 
 the only other protection necessary. I've made 
 a note of these lap robes for presentation to 
 certain persons in America who pretend to look 
 after the convenience of their traveling public. 
 My first experience of them filled me with ad- 
 miration for a nation which compels wealthy 
 corporations to consider the comfort of even its 
 humblest patrons. 
 
 "Look, look!" said the Comedienne, sud- 
 denly, when we had climbed the slender spiral 
 stairway to our seat on top of the 'bus. " Sairy 
 Gamp, as I'm alive ! " 
 
 Though the horses had not yet started, the 
 vehicle had begun to toss like a ship in a 
 storm. I glanced back and saw an enormously 
 fat old woman stuck fast between the rails of 
 the stair. Her efforts to extricate herself 
 threatened to overturn the 'bus. 
 
 " You're too 'eavy, mum," said the conductor, 
 politely ; " hinside's safer, mum."
 
 52 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 "Stoopid ! " said the fat lady, violently, and 
 poked the conductor revengefully with her 
 umbrella. 
 
 Upon this the polite conductor proceeded to 
 boost the gigantic and tremulous bulk up the 
 stair, while a butcher's boy on his tricycle de- 
 livery cart stopped to enjoy the spectacle. 
 
 " Hi, conductor," yelled the boy, " w'y don't 
 yer carve off 'er corners a bit? " 
 
 A crowd began to gather and make similar 
 comments, to all of which the fat lady turned a 
 deaf ear. Presently, after much puffing on the 
 part of the conductor, and an infinite number 
 of grunts from the old woman, while it ap- 
 peared that only a miracle could keep the 'bus 
 level on its wheels, the impossible was achieved. 
 Secure in her seat, which she overflowed into 
 the aisle, the fat lady gasped several times, 
 coughed asthmatically, glared at the conductor 
 and said : 
 
 " Elephant." 
 
 " Werry appropriate," yelled the butcher's 
 boy. 
 
 Even the polite conductor smiled discreetly 
 behind his hand. 
 
 "Elephant, stoopid," repeated the fat lady, 
 with another glare at the conductor.
 
 I View My New Possessions 53 
 
 It was irresistibly funny. The Comedienne 
 was convulsed. The tears ran down my 
 cheeks. The butcher's boy got off his seat and 
 danced a joyful jig on the sidewalk. 
 
 "Elephant and Castle, dark green 'bus, 
 mum," said the conductor. 
 
 " Stoopid ! " said the old woman, her face 
 growing crimson, as she extricated herself from 
 her seat and lurched down the narrow stair, 
 while the 'bus seemed in imminent danger of 
 turning a backward summersault. 
 
 As we finally started down the Strand the 
 fat lady was taking satisfaction out of the un- 
 wary butcher's boy with her umbrella. 
 
 The recollection of this little incident re- 
 minds me that it is the stranger in London's 
 own fault if she ever suffers from the blues. 
 The streets of the City present a never-ceasing 
 spectacle of laughter-inspiring sights and 
 sounds. These dear old Britons are so funny, 
 and all the funnier because they are so solemnly 
 unconscious of the fact. They say that 
 Dickens would not know the London of to-day. 
 Yet not five minutes after our encounter with 
 Sairy Gamp, before we had reached the site of 
 Temple Bar and the entrance to the City 
 proper, we saw the Artful Dodger absorbed in
 
 54 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 the glittering display of a jeweler's window, 
 and wondered if he had developed from his 
 passion for " wipes " into an unholy desire for 
 diamonds and gold chains. He was in all his 
 details the same old Dodger trousers much 
 too long for him, coat sleeves turned up at the 
 wrists and its tails dragging at his heels. Even 
 while we gazed on him from the top of the 
 'bus the suspicious shopkeeper came to the 
 door and waved him sternly away. 
 
 And, oh, the tyranny of the top hat ! How 
 that emblem of gentle leisure in America is 
 abused in England ! Fancy a baggy-kneed, 
 manifestly poverty-stricken lawyer's clerk 
 knocking about the courts in New York al- 
 ways, rain or shine, in a frowsy silk hat and a 
 shiny frock coat. The London streets are full 
 of just such spectacles. And such shabby 
 coats and trousers, such abominably dilapidated, 
 fuzzy old hats ! It seems the height of ab- 
 surdity that in a city where smart showers fall 
 almost daily when there is not a steady driz- 
 zle the shiny beaver, whose polished surface 
 is susceptible to the slightest moisture,, should 
 be put to such a common use. In Piccadilly 
 you may see a Duke in a hat which would be 
 scorned by a New York mechanic going out for
 
 I View My New Possessions 55 
 
 a walk in the park on Sunday afternoon. Yet, 
 no matter how bad the hat, how shocking the 
 trousers, or how disreputable the coat even if 
 the coat be only a sack their wearer is prop- 
 erly attired to meet gentlemen in their offices 
 or at their clubs on a footing of equality. Thus 
 attired he will receive the beautiful, smiling 
 courtesy so characteristic of all Englishmen in 
 their dealings with their equals. But let him 
 deny the authority of the top hat at his peril ! 
 
 It seemed strange as we rumbled down the 
 Strand that all these centuries of traffic, and 
 this sea of shocking bad top hats beating 
 against the walls of St. Mary's had not swept 
 her from her foundation. There she stood like 
 the ice buttress of the centre pier of a Missis- 
 sippi river bridge dividing the torrent into two 
 streams, the smaller flowing through Holywell 
 Street on the North, to be reunited at the 
 Eastern end of this ecclesiastical island in 
 Fleet Street. Here Dr. Johnson used to bow 
 his obstinate old head on Sundays. Perhaps 
 that is the reason why the surf of traffic and 
 top hats continues to respect the sacred obstruc- 
 tion of the busiest thoroughfare in the world. 
 
 On past the Temple, catching a glimpse 
 through an arched way of the Temple Gardens
 
 56 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 where the white and the red roses were plucked 
 for badges of loyalty to the royal houses of 
 Lancaster and of York, whose rival wearers 
 later mingled their blood on the fields of the 
 Wars of the Roses ; past the stone Griffin 
 which guards the site of old Temple Bar and 
 the entrance to the ancient City of London, 
 domain of the Lord Mayor and the Guilds to 
 this day ; down Ludgate Hill to St. Paul's ; 
 past St. Paul's Churchyard, so calm and rest- 
 ful there in the very heart of the world's com- 
 merce, a green and soothing sanctuary ; through 
 Cannon and West Cannon Streets, North by 
 King William Street into Lombard, and down 
 the narrow spiral stair to the pavement in front 
 of the Bank of England, with the Mansion 
 House across the way. 
 
 "Behold," said I, "the seat of government 
 of my new possessions."
 
 CHAPTER V 
 
 ON THE PRIME IMPORTANCE OF "KICKING" 
 
 " ALL very fine and snug and comfortable," 
 said the Comedienne. "And I suppose that 
 here in this solid and highly respectable insti- 
 tution is where you keep your surplus funds? " 
 
 "If you hadn't disturbed my lovely dream 
 this morning," I replied, " by this time I would 
 doubtless have moved into the Mansion House 
 arid had my hands in the cash drawer of the 
 Bank of England. It is your own fault that 
 we are not dividing the spoils at the present 
 moment." 
 
 " My goodness, look what a stream of 'buses. 
 What street can that be, dear?" The Corne'- 
 dienne indicated the thoroughfare leading to- 
 ward the descending sun. 
 
 " That is Cheapside. A little farther on it 
 becomes Newgate Street, then Holborn and 
 High Holborn, and New Oxford and Oxford 
 Street, where it enters Hyde Park. It is the 
 great plebeian highway from the West End to 
 67
 
 58 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 the East Side. Therefore the double lines of 
 'buses. 
 
 " That's Baedeker again. I thought I recog- 
 nized the style. But, speaking of Cheapside, 
 that reminds me. There are costermongers in 
 Cheapside. My dear, do let's walk up that 
 way. I yearn to behold a genuine coster on 
 his native heath. I don't believe in the stage 
 variety. They say their profanity is something 
 unique and horrible. I have a depraved desire 
 to hear some original swearing. Perhaps we 
 can manage to have one run over by a 'bus." 
 
 So we strolled up Cheapside keeping a sharp 
 lookout for profane costermongers. 
 
 Meanwhile a fortunate chance threw in our 
 way an exceptionally fine illustration of the 
 fundamental principle underlying John Bull's 
 moral structure, which causes him to be what 
 he is the most uniformly successful and pro- 
 gressive member of the family of nations, Un- 
 cle Sam alone excepted. 
 
 The Comedienne and I had stopped in front 
 of a chop house to gaze with watering lips at 
 some meat pies great fat fellows with rich 
 brown crusts just taken from the oven; 
 another British institution which I respect and 
 cherish with all my heart. There was an open
 
 Prime Importance of "Kicking" 59 
 
 coal hole in front of the shop ; but as such 
 things are not so rare in New York as to oc- 
 casion comment, I merely glanced into its dark 
 depths and passed on to the window and the 
 meat pies. As we stepped up to the window 
 I saw the reflection of a stubby, pompous, 
 choleric-appearing Briton in a white waistcoat, 
 a sack coat and a high hat, approaching from 
 the opposite direction. Presently I saw the 
 reflection stop on the brink of the coal hole, 
 and heard it making indistinct objurgations. 
 I turned and saw him walking about the hole 
 and poking his gold-mounted stick into it. 
 Every instant he seemed to be getting redder 
 in the face, and after a moment I heard him 
 exclaiming, as though to himself: 
 
 " An outrage ! An imposition on the public. 
 I'll have it stopped. Dam'me, I'll have the 
 impudent fellow up for it ! " 
 
 Whereupon the old fellow ran to the door 
 of the shop, pounded on it loudly with his 
 stick, calling out in a loud voice : 
 
 " Shopkeeper ! I say, shopkeeper! Dam'me, 
 I say shopkeeper ! Come out here this instant, 
 sir ! " 
 
 The proprietor came to the door, rubbing his 
 hands, but looking worried.
 
 60 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 "Yes, sir. Certainly, sir. What can I do 
 for you to-day, sir ? " 
 
 " Dam'me, sir, you can answer a civil ques- 
 tion. Do you see that coal hole ? I say, shop- 
 keeper, do you see that coal hole ? That yawn- 
 ing, open coal hole ? Do you see it ? Do you 
 see it? Do you see it ? Dam'me, I say, do you 
 see the coal hole ? " 
 
 The shopkeeper turned pale. "Has any- 
 body " 
 
 " Has anybody fallen in ? " repeated the old 
 gentleman with a withering glance at the trem- 
 bling proprietor. "Dam'me, a nice question 
 for a decent, law-abiding shopkeeper to ask." 
 Then, addressing two other gentlemen and a 
 small boy who had stopped before the open coal 
 hole with varying degrees of indignation ex- 
 pressed on their features : " He keeps open coal 
 holes in front of his shop, dam'me, and has the 
 presumption, the sublime insolence, to inquire 
 whether anybody has fallen in ! " 
 
 " Hi ! Orficer ! " yelled the small boy to a 
 policeman passing on the other side of the 
 street. The policeman sauntered across to the 
 scene of the disaster, followed by half a score 
 of plain citizens from different directions. 
 " Orficer ! I say, Orficer ! "
 
 Prime Importance of "Kicking" 61 
 
 "Move on," said the policeman. 
 
 " Orficer," explained the small boy, with hor- 
 ror painted on his soiled countenance, "a man 
 has fallen into the open coal hole ! " 
 
 From an elderly gentleman with a wart on 
 his chin : " A woman has fallen into the open 
 coal hole ! " 
 
 From a youth with budding chin whiskers: 
 " A boy has fallen into the open coal hole ! " 
 
 From a rival shopkeeper next door, looking 
 at the quaking offender as much as to say, "I 
 always suspected it of him " : "A mother and 
 'er young hinfant have fallen into the open coal 
 hole ! " 
 
 The policeman went on hearing further re- 
 ports of the disaster until it became a wonder 
 that any coal hole could possibly be deep enough 
 to swallow up so large a proportion of the pop- 
 ulation. 
 
 " 'E orter be chucked inter 'is own coal hole," 
 said a cabman, strolling up with his whip in his 
 hand. 
 
 " Oh, gentleman, I do assure you," said the 
 shopkeeper, "it was entirely unintentional, 
 quite, I do assure you. The coal hole was 
 broken I mean the lid of the coal hole, and " 
 
 " He is actually trying to excuse his crime,
 
 62 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 dam'me," said the choleric gentleman in the 
 white waistcoat, with slow emphasis. " Dam'me, 
 he actually has the impudence to make ex- 
 cuses ! " 
 
 " 'Ave 'im up for it ! Chuck him in ! " cried 
 several voices. 
 
 " Move on," said the policeman, " all except 
 the gent w'ot saw the accident." 
 
 " There was no accident," said the gentleman 
 in the white waistcoat, with a glare at the 
 shopkeeper, as though the fact that nobody had 
 fallen into the coal hole was the climax of the 
 outrage heaped on the public. 
 
 "Nobody has fallen into the coal hole," said 
 several voices in a chorus, while the black looks 
 that accompanied the voices seemed to indicate 
 that the crowd would take great pleasure in 
 tearing the miserable shopkeeper limb from 
 limb. 
 
 " But," said the choleric gentleman, becoming 
 purple in the . face with indignation, " but I 
 MIGHT have fallen into the coal hole, dam'me ! " 
 
 Now the full enormity of the shopkeeper's 
 crime appeared to dawn upon the crowd. 
 
 " The gentleman MIGHT have fallen into the 
 coal hole. Send the willain up for it," yelled 
 the small boy.
 
 Prime Importance of "Kicking" 63 
 
 " The gent MIGHT have fallen into the coal 
 hole," said the cabman, indignantly. 
 
 " Yes, Officer," said the youth with budding 
 chin whiskers, eagerly, " the gentleman MIGHT 
 have fallen into the coal hole." 
 
 "Shopkeeper," said the policeman, sternly, 
 " this gent MIGHT ha' fallen into the coal hole ! " 
 
 I began to tremble for the poor shopkeeper. 
 Fortunately at this juncture a man with soot on 
 his face came up with the lid of the coal hole, 
 carefully mended, which he put in place. In- 
 stantly the crowd moved on as though nothing 
 unusual had happened. The relieved shop- 
 keeper returned to his duties, and the old gen- 
 tleman in the white waistcoat, now most amia- 
 ble and contented of aspect, glanced in our 
 direction with a smile of satisfaction. 
 
 " Well, this beats anything I ever heard of," 
 said the Comedienne, who had nearly burst with 
 laughter at the absurdity of the scene. " Just 
 you wait a bit ; I'm going to have it out with 
 that old gentleman." 
 
 He seemed to know what was in our minds, 
 for he came up to the window, hat in hand, and 
 said: 
 
 " You are strangers, Americans, I see. Can I 
 be of any service to you ? "
 
 64 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 " Yes, thank you," said the Comedienne, as I 
 thought ruefully of the futility of my white 
 cotton stockings. " You can tell us, if you will, 
 why so many busy people will waste so much 
 time over a coal hole which has been left open 
 for five minutes. I should judge that your own 
 time, now " 
 
 " My own time, madam if you will pardon 
 the interruption is worth a pound a minute 
 yes, a guinea a minute." 
 
 " Then you are quite ten guineas out of 
 pocket through this small affair of a coal hole 
 not to speak of the valuable time you are 
 squandering on a couple of inquisitive Ameri- 
 cans. But since you are so reckless with your 
 money won't you please interpret the parable of 
 the coal hole for us? " 
 
 This speech seemed to please and amuse the 
 old gentleman not a little. He smiled at us 
 through his spectacles and asked : 
 
 " Did you ever hear the story of the Devon- 
 shire Frogs and the Can of Milk ? " 
 
 "No," replied the Comedienne; "but it 
 sounds interesting so far." 
 
 " It has the additional merit of being short ; 
 so I will tell it. 
 
 " Once upon a time two Frogs lived in a
 
 Prime Importance of "Kicking" 65 
 
 spring which overflowed in a stream that ran 
 under arches in the foundations of a Devonshire 
 dairy-house. One of the Frogs was old, fat and 
 indolent ; the other was young, energetic and 
 very inquisitive. 
 
 " One night while the Dairy -man was sleep- 
 ing the two Frogs hopped under one of the 
 stone arches and found themselves in the dairy- 
 house. Some narrow-mouthed milk cans were 
 cooling in the shallow stream. The inquisitive 
 Young Frog wondered what they were. The 
 Old Frog advised him not to be too curious. But 
 the inquiring mind of the Young Frog was filled 
 with a yearning for wisdom that would not be 
 denied. So, finding a can that lay partly on its 
 side, he jumped in through its narrow mouth. 
 
 " After a moment of silence the curiosity of 
 the Old Frog, too, became excited, and he hopped 
 up to the mouth of the can. 
 
 " ' What are you doing in there? ' he croaked 
 to his young companion. 
 
 44 4 Enjoying myself,' croaked back the Young 
 Frog. ' Hop in. It's nice and dry in here 
 just the place for your rheumatism.' 
 
 44 Hearing this the Old Frog gave a mighty 
 hop and landed on top of the Young Frog at the 
 bottom of the can.
 
 66 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 " But while the two Frogs were taking a com- 
 fortable nap in the bottom of the can the in- 
 dustrious Dairy-man entered with the dawn and 
 began filling the cans with milk. Soon the in- 
 quisitive Frogs were awakened by a drenching 
 shower of some unfamiliar liquid which fell 
 upon them, half filling the can. 
 
 " ' Oh, I don't like this,' croaked the Young 
 Frog. ' I don't like the taste of it. I'm going 
 to leave.' 
 
 " ' It's milk,' croaked the Old Frog. * I fell 
 into some once before. It ain't good for a 
 Frog's health.' 
 
 " And the two Frogs began swimming about 
 in the can and trying to climb up its smooth 
 sides. After a little they felt the can being 
 lifted up, and then set down hard. And pres- 
 ently there was steady jolting that made it still 
 more impossible for them to climb up the sides 
 of the can. 
 
 " * Oh, I can't stand this,' said the Young 
 Frog, splashing about angrily with his awkward 
 forelegs, and kicking out spitefully with his 
 hind ones. ' It's an outrage on the entire Frog 
 family.' 
 
 " * This milk is unhealthy,' said the Old Frog, 
 coming to the surface for a breath of air. ' But
 
 Prime Importance of "Kicking" 67 
 
 we will come to the market after a while, and 
 when they empty the milk we will make our 
 escape.' And he sank back resignedly to the 
 bottom of the can. 
 
 " But the indignant Young Frog kept splash- 
 ing and kicking about and trying to climb out. 
 It was impossible for him to make an inch of 
 headway, but he kept on trying, continually 
 saying angrily, as he splashed and kicked : 
 
 " ' Oh, I can't stand this. I won't stand it. 
 It's an outrage. It must be looked into. The 
 guilty parties shall not escape. They shall 
 suffer dearly for it ! ' 
 
 " And thus the Young Frog went on kicking 
 and splashing and expostulating angrily until 
 the Dairy-man reached the market. 
 
 "When the Dairy-man looked into the can 
 where the Frogs were he uttered an exclamation 
 of astonishment, upon which several persons 
 who were standing near came and looked into 
 the can also. And this is what they saw : 
 
 " The indolent, fat Old Frog, all puffed up, 
 and ghastly, lay on his back, stone dead ; but 
 the energetic Young Frog, in perfect health and 
 spirits, sat comfortably on a little floating island 
 of butter which his constant splashing and 
 kicking had churned."
 
 68 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 "Thank you, sir," said the Comedienne, 
 hastily; "you needn't mind about the moral. 
 I understand perfectly, now. It is their appre- 
 ciation of the prime importance of kicking that 
 has made Englishmen what they are." 
 
 The old gentleman, beaming amiably through 
 his spectacles, waved us a pleasant farewell, 
 and we resumed our stroll up Cheapside. 
 
 " Now if we can only find a real profane 
 costermonger," said the Comedienne, "I, for 
 my part, shall begin to consider myself an 
 authority on the Peculiarities of the English- 
 man at Home. Aren't they funny, dear." 
 
 Now Leadenhall Market is not far from the 
 beginning of Cheapside, though we were then 
 unaware of the fact. But it was a fact that 
 enabled our special ambition to be readily real- 
 ized. We had not proceeded far from the 
 scene of the coal hole incident when, from one 
 of the narrow side streets there emerged a 
 small, two-wheeled cart surmounted by a very 
 large, round-faced man, about whom were 
 heaped a choice assortment of vegetables. We 
 instantly recognized the man's "make-up." 
 The Comedienne clapped her hands, crying: 
 
 " There he is ! I take back all I said about 
 the stage coster. I apologize to Dan Leno and
 
 Prime Importance of "Kicking" 69 
 
 Chevalier. But, bless my soul, are the London 
 costers so progressive as to have electric carts?" 
 
 The cart with its load was moving rapidly 
 along, darting this way and that to avoid colli- 
 sion with 'buses, without any apparent means 
 of locomotion. To increase the mystery the 
 round-faced man was vigorously poking down 
 at something in front of the cart, which he was 
 apostrophizing after this fashion : 
 
 " Now then, Jumbo ! Hi s'y, Jumbo ! Wot 
 are yer a-thinkin' of? Take a wheel hoff the 
 bloomink 'bus, would yer ? Blast yer bleedin' 
 hears! Oh, Hi s'y, yer would, would yer? 
 Move on, Jumbo. This ain't no bloomink bank 
 'oliday. Oh, wot a sassy hass it is I Wot a 
 sassy, disrespectful hass, an' 'e 'avin' fresh cow- 
 cumbers for 'is supper hevery night ! Now Hi 
 s'y, Jumbo ! " 
 
 A sudden turn of the cart to escape a 'bus 
 coming from the opposite direction gave us a 
 momentary glimpse of "Jumbo " the smallest 
 donkey I ever saw. It seemed a miracle that 
 he could move the heavily loaded cart. The 
 round-faced man could have picked him up and 
 carried him under his arm. The little beast's 
 dexterity in escaping collisions with 'buses 
 was marvelous.
 
 70 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 "Hurry up, dear," said the Comedienne. 
 " He can never get past the next corner. Look 
 at the crush of vehicles." 
 
 So, half running, we followed the cart, feel- 
 ing that the opportunity was one of a lifetime. 
 And we were not disappointed at least in one 
 part of the programme. In trying to dodge 
 between a 'bus and a cab moving rapidly in 
 different directions the donkey lost his grip on 
 the smooth pavement. In an instant the air 
 was full of fresh vegetables, which descended 
 in a shower upon the head of the big coster, 
 seated with legs wide apart in the middle of the 
 street, while the donkey, unhurt, though the 
 cart was wrecked, lunched composedly off a 
 turnip. 
 
 "Hush!" whispered the Comedienne, ex- 
 citedly. " It's coming. Don't lose a word ! " 
 
 The big coster's face was purple. His chest 
 heaved. He clutched at his throat, opening 
 and closing his mouth mechanically. At length 
 he choked once or twice and said, slowly and 
 distinctly : 
 
 "Well ! They ain't not no words I " 
 
 The Comedienne and I took the first 'bus 
 back to our hotel.
 
 CHAPTER VI 
 
 THE GINGPOOR OF KERHOOT 
 
 I HAVE been advised to omit all reference to 
 the Gingpoor of Kerhoot. Certain envious 
 members of my profession being under suspicion 
 of having circulated the current grossly exag- 
 gerated and malicious reports of the incident in 
 which that person figured, my well-meaning 
 advisors argue that a discreet and dignified 
 silence on my part would be the most effective 
 manner of disposing of the matter. But I can- 
 not agree with them. The Gingpoor of Ker- 
 hoot is still a favorite topic for discussion at 
 the clubs and at afternoon teas at the best 
 houses. He is only discussed in connection 
 with the occurrence of which I was the inno- 
 cent victim. That occurrence is the only one 
 which can be construed as dimming by the 
 smallest possible cloud the brilliancy of my 
 social success in London. What, then, would 
 be the logical inference if I should describe in 
 detail all the numerous honors heaped upon me 
 and pass over in silence the Gingpoor of Ker- 
 
 71
 
 72 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 hoot? Would not the publication of these 
 memoirs, thus incomplete, be the signal for a 
 revival of that calumny? Who could I expect 
 to accept as the simple truth the circumstantial 
 accounts of my meeting with the Prince of 
 Wales ; of the distinguished attentions of Lord 
 Dangerford ; of the amiability of the Duchess 
 of Edgecombe ; of the highly flattering rivalry 
 of Countess Pipedreme; and of my influence 
 on diplomatic relations between the two coun- 
 tries as openly admitted by the Marquis of 
 Silsbury who, I repeat, could be expected to 
 accept in the proper spirit these complimentary 
 revelations if I should commit the error of 
 overlooking the Gingpoor of Kerhoot? No. 
 Silence might be dignified; but, clearly, it 
 would not be wise. 
 
 Strangely enough, I am indebted to one of 
 my well-meaning countrymen for this solitary 
 embarrassing detail of my career in the British 
 capital. I owe the Gingpoor of Kerhoot to 
 Mr. Algernon Cuff, the wealthy Broadway 
 haberdasher. Mr. Cuff is a small, pale gentle- 
 man with thin hair. But what he lacks in size, 
 color, and natural covering for his scalp, he 
 more than makes up in perseverance. I am 
 compelled reluctantly to admit that this same
 
 The Gingpoor of Kerhoot 73 
 
 quality which has won such fame for his neck- 
 ties and his pajamas Mr. Cuff has applied to his 
 ambitious with respect to the writer of these 
 memoirs. There may have been a time, before 
 my art had secured me the independence I now 
 enjoy, when Mr. Cuff might have but no 
 matter. Let us come to the Gingpoor of Ker- 
 hoot. 
 
 One night after the performance as I was 
 changing from stage to street costume, Prue, 
 my maid, brought me a note. I at once recog- 
 nized the handwriting. 
 
 " Prue," I said, much annoyed, " this is the 
 sixth note Mr. Cuff has sent to my dressing- 
 room this week." 
 
 "The seventh," said Prue; "he sent in two 
 during the matinee." 
 
 " Very well, Prue ; from Mr. Cuff that is 
 seven too many. Tell him I am very tired and 
 shall go directly home, according to my unvary- 
 ing custom." 
 
 Prue having left my dressing-room door ajar 
 my annoyance was increased by the discovery 
 that Mr. Cuff had evidently made an ally of 
 Jack, our stage door guardian. He was on the 
 stage. I could hear his high-pitched, thin voice 
 arguing with Prue. He was pushing his way
 
 y4 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 to my very door. Soon he was addressing me 
 through the crack : 
 
 " Ah, there, Miss Casino. Peek-a-boo ! " 
 
 "Really, Mr. Cuff," I said, " this is " 
 
 " The opportunity of a lifetime," broke in 
 the haberdasher, talking rapidly. " I am here 
 to conduct you into the presence of His Royal 
 Highness the Giiigpoor of Kerhoot." 
 
 " The who ? " I asked in astonishment, put- 
 ting on my hat as I left my dressing-room. 
 
 " The Gingpoor of Kerhoot. A most dis- 
 tinguished honor, I assure you." 
 
 "And who may the Gingpoor of Kerhoot 
 happen to be, Mr. Cuff? " 
 
 The haberdasher smiled upon me with an air 
 of superiority as he replied : 
 
 " One of the native princes of India, lately 
 arrived on his first visit to London. Fabu- 
 lously wealthy and extremely exclusive." 
 
 "Extremely exclusive," I repeated, looking 
 Mr. Cuff calmly in the eyes ; " will you be good 
 enough to inform me how you happen to be so 
 chummy with His Royal Highness?" 
 
 "Well, I er I" began the haberdasher, 
 flushing, and then going on rapidly, " you see I 
 had the good fortune to render the Prince a 
 slight service recently."
 
 The Gingpoor of Kerhoot 75 
 
 " Where am I invited to meet the Gingpoor 
 of Kerhoot, Mr. Cuff?" 
 
 " At his apartments in the Tower of Babel." 
 
 "The Tower of Babel?" I repeated, sur- 
 prised. As every one knows, the Tower of 
 Babel is probably the largest and most cele- 
 brated hotel in the world. But it did not seem 
 to me an appropriate place for a native prince 
 of India to establish himself with his numerous 
 retinue. I said so to Mr. Cuff, who seemed 
 embarrassed for a moment, and then replied 
 with his customary glibness : 
 
 " I forgot to mention that the Prince is trav- 
 eling incog, accompanied by only two or three 
 trusted servants. He is known at the hotel 
 simply as Mr. Chunder, of Bombay." 
 
 I thought a moment, and then said : 
 
 "Surely, Mr. Cuff, you can't expect me to 
 accept an invitation to visit the Gingpoor of 
 Kerhoot in his apartments at midnight without 
 knowing what sort of people I shall meet there ? " 
 
 "Certainly not," replied the haberdasher, 
 easily. " Besides several artists and literary 
 people, there will be present Countess Pipe- 
 dreme, Lord Dangerford " 
 
 "I am quite satisfied, Mr. Cuff. Of course I 
 shall go chaperoned."
 
 76 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 At this remark Mr. Cuff's face seemed to be- 
 come several inches longer. 
 
 " Certainly, chaperones are often indispensa- 
 ble," he said, giving me a tender glance ; " but, 
 in view of our long acquaintance I hoped " 
 
 " Then you should have fixed your hopes on 
 a different object, Mr. Cuff," I said, giving the 
 little man a glance of severity. " I visit the 
 Gingpoor of Kerhoot accompanied by my chap- 
 eron, or not at all." 
 
 Mr. Cuff had the good sense to concede the 
 point instantly, and the Comedienne making 
 her appearance at that moment dressed for the 
 street, the three of us entered Mr. Cuff's car- 
 riage and were whirled rapidly to the Tower of 
 Babel. 
 
 I forgot to mention Mr. Cuff's statement that 
 as the affair was entirely informal it was un- 
 necessary for us to dress for the occasion. So 
 it was only a few minutes past midnight when 
 we were ushered into the august presence of 
 the Gingpoor of Kerhoot. 
 
 My readers do not need to be informed that 
 the prejudice against persons of color, so uni- 
 versal in America, does not exist in London. 
 That the African and his American or Euro- 
 pean descendants cut no figure in London so-
 
 The Gingpoor of Kerhoot 77 
 
 ciety is accounted for by the fact that their civ- 
 ilization has been so recently accomplished that 
 the savage still shines through their dark skin. 
 It is a question of intelligence, culture, refine- 
 ment; not of color. Accordingly, the high 
 caste Indian with his centuries of intellectual 
 refinement, is received on terms of equality in 
 the best circles, though his color may be nearly, 
 if not quite, as dark as that of his benighted 
 African brother. 
 
 My first glance at the Gingpoor of Kerhoot 
 was reassuring. His color was satisfactory ; so 
 were his features, which were regular ; so was 
 his costume, which was that of a native Indian 
 of the highest caste. He took my hand, when 
 I had been presented by Mr. Cuff, and said in 
 very good English: 
 
 " The honor is mine. During the three days 
 that I have spent in England your name has 
 been more frequently in my ears than any other." 
 
 Then the Gingpoor of Kerhoot waved a 
 slender hand and two dark-skinned attendants 
 began serving tea. 
 
 " Oh, Miss Casino," said a sugary voice at my 
 elbow. " I have so longed to meet you." 
 
 "Countess Pipedreme," said little Mr. Cuff, 
 pompously.
 
 78 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 This was my first actual meeting with a 
 member of the nobility. I found the Countess 
 at first very gracious. She was a slight, blue- 
 eyed doll of a creature. After a moment I 
 found that there was something disturbing in 
 her expression, as she fixed those blue eyes, so 
 wide open, upon me. I couldn't imagine what 
 it was. While I was puzzling over this, a tall, 
 boyish-appearing gentleman approached us. 
 The Countess shrugged her shoulders slightly, 
 and then said, in a hard, clear voice : 
 
 "Miss Casino, my dearest friend, Lord Dan- 
 gerford. We were school children together." 
 
 I glanced at the enameled cheeks of Countess 
 Pipedreme, then at the fresh, youthful coun- 
 tenance of Lord Dangerford, and thought how 
 backward in her studies the Countess must have 
 been if what she said were true that they had 
 been school children together. So this was the 
 mighty hunter of big game who had compli- 
 mented me so engagingly in his notes sent to 
 my dressing-room on the opening night. He 
 had an honest, frank countenance, with a slight 
 diffidence which I immediately set down to his 
 long absences from the civilized world. I liked 
 him from the first, for I felt that he was a man 
 of honor.
 
 The Gingpoor of Kerhoot 79 
 
 As Lord Dangerford, flushing slightly, indi- 
 cated a couple of unoccupied chairs in a some- 
 what secluded part of the room now rapidly 
 filling with literary and artistic personages of 
 both sexes and we moved carelessly in that 
 direction, I noticed that the Countess shrugged 
 her shoulders again, a gesture that was almost 
 imperceptible, yet to me as eloquent as words. 
 
 Before we had reached the vacant chairs we 
 were overtaken by Mr. Cuff, who said, with the 
 air of a master of ceremonies : 
 
 "Now, Miss Casino, I shall be pleased to 
 present you to " 
 
 " Oh, bother," said Lord Dangerford, ami- 
 ably. " Never mind the literary chaps. They're 
 probably hungry, anyway." 
 
 " But but, think of your professional inter- 
 ests," began the disappointed little haberdasher, 
 when I broke in cuttingly : 
 
 "Mr. Cuff, oblige me by not talking shop." 
 
 Whereat the haberdasher, casting upon me a 
 reproachful look, began the difficult task of 
 making himself agreeable to the other guests. 
 
 "This little gentleman, this Mr. Cuff? 
 have you known him long ? " inquired His Lord- 
 ship, as we seated ourselves. 
 
 " He is an American acquaintance of some
 
 80 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 years' standing," I replied indifferently. "I 
 had not seen him for a long time ; but when 
 one is in a foreign country, you understand ? " 
 
 " I understand," said Lord Dangerford, with 
 his gentle smile ; " compatriots in a foreign 
 country ignore class distinctions. One would 
 hardly imagine, now, that this Mr. Cuff be- 
 longed to the diplomatic service." 
 
 " Little Mr. Cuff in the diplomatic service ! " 
 I laughed. " Why Mr. Cuff sells shirts, and 
 pajamas." 
 
 " Dear me," murmured His Lordship with an 
 expression of gentle horror. "A tradesman? 
 Dear me, dear me." 
 
 "Lord Dangerford," I said, with a feeling 
 of rising indignation against the little haber- 
 dasher, "is your presence here the result of 
 false representations on the part of Mr. Cuff?" 
 
 "How could that be, Miss Casino, when I 
 find you here?" 
 
 I smiled my acknowledgments of the delicate 
 compliment, but had the presence of mind to 
 restrain my desire to repay it in kind. 
 
 " I think it was the Countess," explained His 
 Lordship, " who mentioned that Mr. Cuff, in 
 presenting the Gingpoor of Kerhoot's invitation,
 
 The Gingpoor of Kerhoot 81 
 
 volunteered the information that he was at- 
 tached to the American legation." 
 
 " The only possible connection Mr. Cuff could 
 have with our diplomatic service," I said indig- 
 nantly, "is the chance that he may have meas- 
 ured some of the minor attaches for new outfits 
 of pajamas." 
 
 " Dear me, dear me," murmured His Lordship. 
 
 " Lord Dangerford," I said, suddenly, a start- 
 ling suspicion having entered my mind, " have 
 you ever traveled in India ? " 
 
 His Lordship smiled. " I have killed every 
 species of big game that country produces, in- 
 cluding the white cow with the sacred hump on 
 her back for which crime, I may remark, I was 
 arrested at the command of the Mararajah of 
 Serat, and narrowly escaped with my life." 
 
 " Then you must have met, or at least heard 
 of, the Gingpoor of Kerhoot ? " I said, eagerly. 
 
 Lord Dangerford shook his head slowly. 
 
 " I believe the Gingpoor of Kerhoot is an im- 
 postor," I said, hotly. " I don't believe he is 
 even ' Mr. Chunder of Bombay.' " 
 
 "I know all the Chunders of Bombay," said 
 His Lordship, rising languidly. " This is not 
 one of them. Pardon me, Miss Casino, if I 
 leave you for a single moment. I'm going to
 
 82 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 address the Gingpoor of Kerhoot in his native 
 tongue." 
 
 The instant Lord Dangerford had left his 
 chair Mr. Cuff slid into it. He seemed much 
 excited. 
 
 " Miss Casino," he began, speaking rapidly 
 and twisting the fingers of one hand with the 
 fingers of the other in a most nervous and dis- 
 turbing manner, "Miss Casino, you must un- 
 derstand why I brought you here." 
 
 " Certainly I do," I replied. " It was to meet 
 the Gingpoor of Kerhoot." 
 
 " Oh, d n the Gingpoor of Kerhoot er 
 
 excuse the feelings of a desperate man. Miss 
 Casino, can you look upon me and not be aware 
 that I adore you ? " 
 
 " Mr. Cuff," said I, " your adoration is very 
 flattering, but if you imagine that gratitude for 
 the means of meeting the Gingpoor of Kerhoot 
 will change the sentiments I have always felt 
 toward you " 
 
 "The Gingpoor of Kerhoot be hanged," 
 said the miserable little haberdasher, making an 
 awkward attempt to take possession of one of 
 my hands. " Can't you, oh, won't you, realize 
 that it was all for the opportunity of opening 
 my heart to you that I arranged this "
 
 The Gingpoor of Kerhoot 83 
 
 "Then you admit, Mr. Cuff, that the Ging- 
 poor of Kerhoot is an impostor ? " And I rose 
 from my chair with a gesture of disgust which 
 seemed to wring the haberdasher's very soul. 
 
 " Oh, no, no. Not that, I assure you, on the 
 honor of a gentleman. Not that. Oh, no, no, 
 no ! " The little man had a fold of my skirt in 
 his hand, and was almost groveling at my feet. 
 
 " Mr. Cuff," said I, " you are making a spec- 
 tacle of yourself. Why, what is the meaning 
 of this?" 
 
 Something was occurring that brought even 
 the haberdasher to his senses. The Gingpoor 
 of Kerhoot and Lord Dangerford were sur- 
 rounded by a dozen whispering guests who were 
 casting scornful looks at the dark-skinned po- 
 tentate. The changed aspect of this personage 
 was startling. His lips, once so red, were now 
 ashen, and his eyes rolled in terror. In a cool, 
 stern voice Lord Dangerford was addressing 
 him in a language quite unfamiliar to my ears. 
 Presently he ceased, as though awaiting a re- 
 ply. The Gingpoor of Kerhoot opened and 
 closed his mouth once or twice, muttered half a 
 dozen disconnected words, evidently in the same 
 language used by His Lordship, and then col- 
 lapsed in a heap on a divan, while a majority of
 
 84 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 the guests made hurried preparations for de- 
 parture. 
 
 "Why, wh what does this mean?" stut- 
 tered the haberdasher, rubbing his eyes. 
 
 "A very pertinent question," commented 
 Lord Dangerford, resuming his place at my 
 side, and casting upon poor Mr. Cuff that other 
 glance which lurked in those blue eyes which, 
 up to this moment, I had found so mild. It 
 occurred to me that this was the look with 
 which His Lordship brought down his big game. 
 
 " Why, why, everybody is going ! " ex- 
 claimed innocent Mr. Cuff in dismay. "It 
 isn't late for London." 
 
 "Lord Dangerford," said Countess Pipe- 
 dreme, coming up with her wraps on, "I am 
 ready." Her wrap barely brushed the sleeve 
 of Mr. Cuff's coat; but she drew it away with 
 a gesture that caused the blood to mount to 
 the haberdasher's cheeks. 
 
 " I I don't understand," began the tremb- 
 ling master of ceremonies ; " I " 
 
 " Where did you pick up the Gingpoor of 
 Kerhoot ? " demanded His Lordship. 
 
 " He sent his servant to my apartment," the 
 haberdasher explained, eagerly. " The servant 
 said that the Prince, for diplomatic reasons,
 
 The Gingpoor of Kerhoot 85 
 
 did not wish to make himself known in Lon- 
 don. He was traveling incog with only three 
 attendants. One of the servants, taking ad- 
 vantage of the Prince's desire to conceal his 
 rank, had stolen all his jewels and ready money, 
 amounting to nearly a million rupees. The 
 servant said that the Prince had of course imme- 
 diately communicated with the royal treasury in 
 India, but in the meantime he was entirely with- 
 out means. I called on the Prince, and found 
 that the honest servant had told the exact truth. 
 
 " Of course," added the haberdasher, mod- 
 estly, " I was happy to render the Gingpoor of 
 Kerhoot any assistance in my power." 
 
 " Of course," assented His Lordship. " How 
 much, Mr. Cuff has the Gingpoor of Kerhoot 
 cost you to date ? " 
 
 " Oh ! " exclaimed the little haberdasher, 
 turning pale, "you don't mean you surely 
 can't mean that the Prince is an an " 
 
 " An imposter, yes, that's the word, Mr. 
 Cuff." 
 
 " Oh ! " almost screamed the miserable little 
 man, beating his breast. " My two hundred 
 pounds or was it two hundred guineas ? oh, 
 it was guineas, I'm sure it was guineas ! " 
 
 At this juncture there was a welcome inter-
 
 86 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 ruption in the person of the American Friend. 
 While Mr. Cuff was still lamenting his ravished 
 guineas, the American Friend quickly took in 
 the situation. Really this wonderful man seems 
 to know everybody. He walked up to where 
 the Gingpoor of Kerhoot crouched in terrified 
 silence, took him by the collar, and dragged 
 him, all resplendent in his oriental robes, to the 
 door of an inner room where he said : 
 
 "George Washington Johnson, if I ever 
 catch you at any more of your tricks I'll live 
 to see you hanged ! " 
 
 And with that the American Friend gave 
 the late Gingpoor of Kerhoot a mighty kick 
 which sent him sprawling through the door. 
 
 Then the American Friend explained that 
 George Washington Johnson had been the col- 
 ored valet of a certain well-known promoter 
 whose business had at one time taken him to 
 Bombay. 
 
 When he was assured that the American 
 Friend would accompany me to my hotel, Lord 
 Dangerford said some friendly words of fare- 
 well and departed with the Countess. We left 
 Mr. Cuff beating his breast and moaning : 
 
 " Oh, my two hundred pounds ! Or was it 
 guineas ? I am almost sure it was guineas."
 
 CHAPTER VII 
 
 TWO FLAGS THAT WAVE AS ONE 
 
 ON a certain night, never to be forgotten, I 
 noticed at the beginning of the second act that 
 the audience seemed unusually sympathetic. 
 We had grown accustomed to our success with 
 these Londoners, many of whose faces had 
 become familiar to us, so constant was their at- 
 tendance; but on the night to which I refer 
 there was an enthusiasm in their applause 
 which seemed entirely disproportionate to our 
 merits as entertainers. To be strictly accurate, 
 I was not the first to make this discovery. I 
 do not make my entrance until some minutes 
 after the curtain has risen on the second act ; 
 not, in fact, until Little Bobby, Tommy Atkins, 
 Daffy and several others have appeared in an 
 opening scene and retired from the stage to 
 dress for the ensemble. So it happened that it 
 was Little Bobby, now quite an accomplished 
 cockney, as to dialect, who brought me the 
 news, shouting as she pitched headlong into 
 my dressing-room : 
 
 87
 
 88 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 " Hooray ! We've regerlarly fetched 'em at 
 larst." 
 
 I applied a touch of carmine to the centre of 
 my upper lip the touch that gives me my 
 "prunes and prisms" expression. 
 
 " Bless their bloomink 'earts, just 'ear 'em ! " 
 And Little Bobby turned a delighted ear to- 
 ward my open door. 
 
 Sure enough. For the first time since our 
 opening sounds of applause reached my dress- 
 ing room. I gave Little Bobby a glance of in- 
 quiry, and went on experimenting with my 
 "prunes and prisms" effect. Instead of an- 
 swering, Little Bobby opened the door to its 
 full width and held up a finger invoking atten- 
 tion. 
 
 My dressing-room being close to the pro- 
 scenium on the " O. P." side of the stage I 
 could hear quite distinctly the bursts of ap- 
 plause that were coming from the audience, 
 mingled with half articulate murmurs of admi- 
 ration. Presently there was a louder burst 
 than usual, above which we heard distinctly in 
 a shrill voice coming apparently from the gal- 
 lery : 
 
 " Hooray for Uncle Sam ! God save the 
 Queen!"
 
 Two Flags that Wave as One 89 
 
 "Little Bobby," said I, "coming from a 
 British audience this is marvelous." And I 
 hastily finished preparations for my entrance. 
 
 " It's 'igh time they 'oorayed for Uncle Sam ; 
 but w'ot are they ringing the Queen into it 
 for?" 
 
 " Hush ! " said I. " Patriotism begins at 
 home. It is marvelous that we should be the 
 means of having America cheered at all. Some- 
 thing has happened that we are not yet aware 
 of." 
 
 "Your scene, Miss Casino," warned the call 
 boy. 
 
 Hurrying to respond to my cue, I was greeted 
 by a storm of hand-clapping that for a moment 
 completely bewildered me. I was shocked back 
 into lucidity by that same shrill voice in the 
 gallery repeating : 
 
 "Hooray for Uncle Sam! God save the 
 Queen ! " 
 
 Even the distinguished-looking occupants of 
 the boxes were clapping their gloved hands and 
 laughing good-humoredly. 
 
 The applause continued at intervals through- 
 out the act, and when, just before the fall of the 
 curtain, our squad of United States marines 
 entered and marched to their position at the
 
 90 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 centre of the stage, and from opposite wings the 
 Stars and Stripes and the Union Jack were 
 brought in and borne side by side above the 
 heads of the marines a detail which had not 
 been omitted at any previous performance half 
 the great audience rose and cheered lustily, 
 while the orchestra played The Star Spangled 
 Banner. 
 
 What had happened ? The moment the cur- 
 tain had fallen we were asking this question of 
 each other. Several of the girls showed signs 
 of hysterics. Others walked about absently, 
 humming patriotic airs. I observed our Amer- 
 ican property man furtively brushing away a 
 tear. My own eyes were moist. Little Bobby 
 was sniffing audibly. Oh, it was very plain 
 that our London success had not hardened our 
 hearts. We were still Americans ! 
 
 As we stood in an agitated group speculating 
 and wondering, I heard the voice of the Ameri- 
 can Friend addressing me. 
 
 " Miss Casino, you've met Lord Dangerford. 
 He comes to tell you the news good news. 
 Glorious news ! " 
 
 His Lordship was smiling. "Miss Casino, 
 how do you like England to-night? "
 
 "Meat pies and Duchesses." Page 91.
 
 Two Flags that Wave as One 91 
 
 " I have always liked England," I answered. 
 " To-night I love her." 
 
 " So d do I," said Little Bobby, wiping her 
 eyes. 
 
 "As for me, I dote on England," said the 
 Comedienne, who held her handkerchief in her 
 hand, and whose nose was red. When the 
 Comedienne is agitated she makes the most 
 grotesque remarks. When Lord Dangerford 
 had asked her politely what characteristic prod- 
 uct of Great Britain she doted on most, she re- 
 plied, with a hysterical gurgle : 
 
 " Meat pies and Duchesses." 
 
 " And what," said His Lordship, still smiling 
 amiably, " do you think we Englishmen admire 
 most about America. No joking, my dear 
 young ladies ; this is serious." 
 
 His Lordship was still smiling, but gravely, as 
 though the thing of which he was thinking lay 
 very close to his heart. We were silent. Lord 
 Dangerford paused for a moment, then took off 
 his hat and said : 
 
 "To-night we Englishmen are filled with ad- 
 miration for the American navy. We would 
 like to shake hands with every brave blue 
 jacket that walks the decks of your battle ships. 
 We would like to stand beside them at your
 
 g 2 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 guns, with gallant Commodore Dewey on the 
 bridge of the flagship." 
 
 " The war with Spain," I asked eagerly, while 
 all the members of the company gathered close 
 about Lord Dangerf ord ; "has it really begun? 
 Has there been a great victory? " 
 
 "Almost the greatest naval victory ever 
 won," said His Lordship. " A splendid, gallant 
 attack by the American squadron. A magnifi- 
 cent dash in the early morning right under the 
 muzzles of the great guns of the Spanish land 
 batteries, heedless of torpedoes and sunken 
 mines, on at full speed into the harbor of Ma- 
 nila where the Spanish fleet lay, five glorious 
 hours of fighting, and then not a Spanish ship 
 left above water." 
 
 "Oh, our poor sailors," said I; "what an 
 awful slaughter it must have been ! " 
 
 "Not an American killed; only a few 
 wounded," said Lord Dangerford. 
 
 We looked at one another in amazement. 
 
 "The marksmanship of the American gun- 
 ners was superb," said His Lordship. " By this 
 time all Europe is singing their praises." 
 
 You should have seen us there, in our wigs, 
 our painted faces, in the tinsel and the silken 
 fripperies of our mimic world attire, uncon-
 
 Two Flags that Wave as One 93 
 
 scious of the incongruity of bare shoulders and 
 arms and shapely limbs unconventionally ex- 
 posed, with the great deeds being pictured to us 
 so graphically alternately hugging each other, 
 dancing for joy, and returning eagerly to His 
 Lordship for more details. We were none the 
 less Americans for being mummers, and I am 
 sure that Lord Dangerford, upon that occasion, 
 regarded us in no other light than of represent- 
 atives of a nation which he, in his impulsive 
 way, delighted to honor. The news of the bat- 
 tle, too late for publication in the London even- 
 ing papers, had been received at the theatre 
 during the first act. By the time the curtain 
 rose on the second act every one in the house 
 knew of the disaster which the Spaniards had 
 suffered in their first encounter with Ameri- 
 can battle ships. There is nothing that stirs 
 the blood of an Englishman, to whatever class 
 he may belong, like war and tales of gallant 
 fighting. So, in default of actual heroes of 
 Manila to cheer, they cheered us. They kept it 
 up until the close of the performance. And 
 when I stepped into my hansom at the stage 
 door the narrow street was filled with late oc- 
 cupants of the pit and the gallery, who cheered 
 us as we departed for our homes.
 
 94 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 As days passed by it was delightful to note 
 that this new spirit of cordiality toward Ameri- 
 cans was not merely an impulse inspired by un- 
 expected revelations of valor in battle, to die 
 out when the news had grown cold. London- 
 ers of every station in life seemed to take per- 
 sonal and permanent pride in the new and hon- 
 orable character acquired by a sister nation. It 
 had seemed to me before the battle of Manila 
 that Englishmen did not consider America and 
 Americans quite seriously. If one found occa- 
 sion to refer to the population, the institutions 
 and the resources of the United States, and to 
 show how favorably they compared with those 
 of any other country, the most one could ex- 
 pect in reply would be a patronizing reference 
 to the " opportunity " which England had per- 
 mitted the fathers of the American revolution 
 to grasp. In other words, the United States 
 was a sort of accident, which might, or might 
 not turn out well, according to circumstances. 
 The fact that the victories which had won us 
 our independence had been duplicated by others 
 equally brilliant a quarter of a century later ap- 
 peared to have no special significance to our 
 obstinate brother. His attitude was that of an 
 elder near relative who had made a domestic
 
 Two Flags that Wave as One 95 
 
 concession out of sheer good nature. Troubles 
 like these were bound to occur in the best regu- 
 lated families. The easiest way to smooth them 
 over was for the powerful elders to appear to 
 let the insurgent youthful member of the family 
 have his own way. 
 
 But now that the lusty young prodigal had 
 thrown down the gauntlet to a legitimate 
 enemy, which he had proceeded to whip in 
 the most gallant and scientific style known in 
 modern warfare, his deed not only established 
 his personal status, but reflected credit on the 
 entire family. It was therefore but the sim- 
 plest logic that all English hearts should warm 
 toward us after our first superb dash at the 
 throat of the Spaniard. 
 
 As I am only an ignorant girl engrossed 
 wholly in the arts of peace, you will under- 
 stand that my impressions, as above feebly ex- 
 pressed, come necessarily very near the truth. 
 I possess neither the knowledge nor the sophis- 
 try which blunts the observation of the wise 
 ones and so often leads them to false conclu- 
 sions. A single illustration, added to that fur- 
 nished by the enthusiasm of Lord Dangerford, 
 will be sufficient to convince the most skeptical 
 that great truths may issue from a frivolous
 
 96 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 and petticoated creature of the footlights as 
 well as from the mouths of babes and suck- 
 lings. 
 
 It was perhaps a week after we received the 
 great news from the Philippines that I found it 
 necessary to do some shopping in Regent and 
 Oxford Streets. 
 
 " Prue," said I as I stepped into the hansom 
 waiting outside the arched gateway of the 
 pretty little place in St. John's Wood which I 
 now inhabited ; " Prue, can you think of any- 
 thing besides the gloves, the hat I need for the 
 coaching party to the Ascot Cup race, the black 
 silk hose, and the shirt waists ? " 
 
 "No," answered my maid, who is really my 
 companion as well; "and there is really no 
 hurry about the shirt waists. You have three 
 that you've never worn." 
 
 At this time the Honorable Mrs. Pebblestone, 
 of whom I shall have more to say later on, had 
 become one of my warmest friends. Her intro- 
 ductions at the best shops in the fashionable 
 district insured my being waited on with the 
 utmost deference. But I was quite unpre- 
 pared for the attentions that were showered 
 upon me by the proprietors themselves upon 
 this occasion. The shop where I stopped to
 
 Two Flags that Wave as One 97 
 
 purchase gloves is regularly patronized by the 
 Princess of Wales. My hansom had hardly 
 stopped before its entrance when the proprie- 
 tor, bare headed, came out and escorted me into 
 his establishment. 
 
 " It is an honor to serve you, Miss Casino, I 
 do assure you," he said smilingly. Then, hav- 
 ing ordered an attendant to exhibit his entire 
 stock for my inspection, he remarked : 
 
 " What a glorious victory, that of Commodore 
 Dewey's, at Manila." 
 
 "It's so lovely of you Englishmen to take 
 such interest in our brave sailors," I said, with 
 a smile of gratitude. " Thanks, I'll take these 
 yes, the whole half dozen. I like the style, 
 and they seem so well stitched." 
 
 " Your Commander Dewey deserves to rank 
 with our own Nelson," said the shopkeeper. 
 
 " Do you really think so ? How delightful ! 
 I'll take half a dozen of the undressed tans, 
 please." 
 
 " The marksmanship of your gunners is the 
 absorbing topic of conversation in our naval cir- 
 cles, my son says, who is home on two months' 
 leave." 
 
 " Why," said I in joyful surprise, " I always 
 supposed that the English gunners had no
 
 98 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 equals. Yes, two pairs of the two-button, and 
 two pairs of the driving gauntlets. One can- 
 not have too many gloves, especially when they 
 are so well made as these are." 
 
 " Wherever I go," the shopkeeper resumed, 
 " I hear the most enthusiastic praise of the per- 
 sonal bravery of the Americans. Only yester- 
 day the Prince was in to select a dozen pairs of 
 driving gloves, and I ventured to remark to His 
 Royal Highness that it was glorious to think 
 that these 'eroes were of our own flesh and 
 blood." 
 
 " What did the Prince say," I asked, eagerly. 
 
 "His Royal Highness remarked that blood 
 was thicker than water, and he was proud 
 of it." 
 
 " How beautiful of the Prince ! " said I. 
 " Oh, a dozen of the Suedes, please." 
 
 My reception at the other shops was no less 
 flattering. I was amazed to note what an in- 
 timate knowledge of American affairs these 
 London shopkeepers have. They related to 
 me particulars of the battle of Manila which I 
 had been unable to find in any of the news- 
 papers. Their honest faces beamed with joy 
 while they eulogized the genius and gallantry 
 of Dewey, and recited instances of the personal
 
 Two Flags that Wave as One 99 
 
 bravery of his men. They seemed to be wholly 
 indifferent as to whether I made any purchases. 
 Their pride in their kinship with Americans 
 was delightful to behold. I drove home with 
 my purchases heaped around me in the hansom 
 feeling as though I had a personal share in the 
 new lustre shed upon my country. 
 
 Occasionally Prue presumes upon her not 
 wholly admitted status as my companion. This 
 was her disposition when I reached home. 
 
 " Forty-seven pairs of gloves ! " she ex- 
 claimed. " You didn't say anything about hav- 
 ing to purchase for all the other girls, too." 
 
 " I purchased only for myself," I replied in 
 tones becoming to the principal in the transac- 
 tion. 
 
 " Did you purchase nine hats for yourself 
 only ? " demanded Prue, taking them from their 
 boxes. 
 
 I nodded. 
 
 " And eleven shirt waists ? " 
 
 "One needs a change, occasionally," I re- 
 plied, cuttingly. 
 
 " Half a dozen pink and half a dozen black 
 silk hose, at thirteen and six a pair. One 
 would say, my dear, that you imagined yourself 
 a centipede."
 
 loo The Casino Girl in London 
 
 I declined to pursue the conversation. It 
 would have been impossible to make Prue, 
 whose nature is cold and practical, understand 
 the patriotic feelings which prompted me to 
 recognize the beautiful expressions of pride and 
 sympathy which had flowed from the hearts of 
 these honest London shopkeepers.
 
 CHAPTER VIII 
 
 I MEET A DUCHESS OR TWO 
 
 I HAD now attained that social eminence, 
 striven for by so many in my profession, 
 achieved by so few, which made me the object 
 of the attentions of a Duchess. Believe me, I 
 do not mention this with any desire of provok- 
 ing the envy of my less fortunate sisters ; it is 
 only one of those things which the veracious 
 historian is in duty bound to record. Further- 
 more, I must do myself the justice of explain- 
 ing that this and other distinctions came to me 
 quite unsolicited. As the best possible evi- 
 dence to that effect I will quote from the Hon- 
 orable Mrs. Pebblestone's letter containing an 
 invitation to which I was preparing to respond 
 one lovely afternoon in June. 
 
 " My dear," wrote the Honorable Mrs. Peb- 
 blestone, " I hope you will appreciate the real 
 significance of the compliment Her Grace be- 
 stows upon you. The Duchess of Edgecombe 
 is not one of those extremely modernized mem- 
 bers of the nobility who stultify themselves 
 
 101
 
 1O2 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 and their position by constant efforts to concili- 
 ate the masses. She is hardly less faithful to 
 the tenets of the ancient regime than is the 
 Dowager Duchess herself. Yet, my dear child, 
 it is the Dowager Duchess who is the more 
 urgent of the two in pressing this invitation 
 upon you. 
 
 " So, my dear, if the Dowager Duchess, who 
 goes out rarely, and never to the theatre she 
 is past eighty, you know should ask you to 
 sing something, you will of course understand 
 that she makes the request in the same spirit 
 that she would make it of the Countess Pipe- 
 dreme, Lady Dunstable or of any other of the 
 accomplished amateurs moving in our best so- 
 ciety. . . . 
 
 " My carriage will call for you, dear, at four 
 precisely. Do not be a moment late, I beg of 
 you. At Edgecombe House tea is served punc- 
 tually on the stroke of five a point upon 
 which the Dowager Duchess is extremely par- 
 ticular. 
 
 " Faithfully yours, 
 
 "PEGGY PEBBLESTONE." 
 
 I read the Honorable Mrs. Pebblestone's let- 
 ter to Prue while she was dressing my hair.
 
 I Meet a Duchess or Two 103 
 
 " Ahem," said my companion-maid, as though 
 about to make one of her critical observations, 
 but finally concluding that silence was more 
 discreet. 
 
 " Well, Prue ? " I said interrogatively. 
 
 " Oh, I know just how much weight my opin- 
 ion will have with you." 
 
 "But you don't need to pull my hair out by 
 the roots in your efforts to suppress your nat- 
 ural inclination to say disagreeable things. I 
 would rather you spoke out," said I. 
 
 " Well," said Prue, " I have only one fault to 
 find with the Honorable Mrs. Pebblestone's let- 
 ter containing the Dowager Duchess' invitation 
 for you to sing at the Duchess of Edgecombe's 
 afternoon tea." 
 
 " And what may that be, Prue ? " 
 
 "That the Honorable Mrs. Pebblestone's 
 letter did not also contain the Dowager Duch- 
 ess' check for ten guineas." 
 
 "Prue," I replied in a tone that forbade 
 further discussion of the subject, "the Honor- 
 able Mrs. Pebblestone's carriage is waiting at 
 my door. When you have finished with my 
 hair I will go." 
 
 It is so easy for some people to suspect base 
 motives in even the friendliest actions of others.
 
 104 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 I am proud to say that I accepted the Duchess 
 of Edgecombe's flattering attention in the spirit 
 which prompted it. The Honorable Mrs. Peb- 
 blestone beamed with pleasure when I arrived 
 at her house on time ; and during our short 
 drive to Edgecombe House she overwhelmed 
 me with compliments of what she was pleased 
 to term my simple and unaffected manner of 
 accepting attentions which were my due. 
 
 " It is so good of yon to come, my dear," said 
 the Duchess of Edgecombe, kissing me cordi- 
 ally on both cheeks. " Come, I must present 
 you to mamma, who is dying to meet you." 
 
 The Duchess led me into a room where the 
 tea things were already spread. At the upper 
 end of the room behind a table evidently re- 
 served for her exclusive use sat a very large 
 old lady with a double chin, blinking red eye- 
 lids and innumerable iron-grey curls brushing 
 her mottled cheeks. Before I realized who the 
 old lady was it occurred to me how much she 
 resembled a toad and not a very amiable one 
 either. 
 
 " Mamma is becoming forgetful, and a little 
 deaf," said the Duchess, as we drew near the 
 old lady entrenched behind her tea table. " But 
 you won't mind, dear."
 
 I Meet a Duchess or Two 105 
 
 If the Dowager Duchess' ears had been some- 
 what dulled by time it was evident that her 
 red-rimmed eyes were still sufficiently sharp. 
 
 "Sally," she mumbled, querulously, as we 
 approached, " Sally, where's the tea ? " 
 
 "It lacks five minutes to five yet, mamma," 
 said the Duchess, in the low, distinct tones one 
 learns to use in speaking to deaf persons. 
 
 " The clocks are wrong again, drat it ! " said 
 the old lady. Then, putting up a tortoise- 
 shell-rimmed glass she looked at me sharply 
 and said, shaking her grey curls solemnly : 
 
 "The new maid, Sally? No, she won't do. 
 Send her away, Sally. Too neat, too hand- 
 some. Think of the boys, Sally. We must 
 not put temptation in the way of the boys. 
 Send her away, Sally ; send her away." 
 
 I felt that my cheeks were scarlet. 
 
 "No, no, mamma," said the Duchess, with 
 her lips close to the old lady's ear ; " this is 
 Miss Casino." 
 
 " Oh, the dancing woman," said the dreadful 
 old lady, grinning at me through her glass. 
 "A good leg, no doubt; I should judge that 
 she had a very good leg, drat it ! I dare say 
 now, my dear, that you could kick a globe off
 
 106 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 the chandelier. Do it, drat it ! Do it for a 
 shilling." 
 
 The Dowager Duchess, mumbling to herself, 
 seemed to be searching her pocket for a shil- 
 ling. Her daughter-in-law checked her with a 
 sharp explanation: 
 
 "No, no, mamma. Miss Casino. A very 
 estimable young lady. The one who sings, 
 you remember of whom Lord Dangerford 
 spoke so highly." 
 
 " Lord Dangerford is a sad young dog, Sally. 
 I remember his father, drat it ! " And the 
 Dowager Duchess laughed softly at her mem- 
 ory. Then she glanced at me again sharply. 
 "And so you sing, Miss? Well, well; after 
 tea, after tea, perhaps. But I'm sure she has a 
 good leg, Sally." 
 
 This embarrassing incident was closed tem- 
 porarily by the entrance of servants with tea. 
 One of the servants bore a large tray upon 
 which, besides a pot which must have contained 
 fully half a gallon of steaming amber fluid, 
 were a dozen slices of buttered bread, a jar of 
 marmalade and an imposing pyramid of cakes. 
 To my surprise the entire contents of this tray 
 were deposited upon the table at which the 
 Dowager Duchess sat alone, whereupon the
 
 I Meet a Duchess or Two 107 
 
 servant coolly tucked a napkin under the old 
 lady's double chin and left the room. 
 
 In spite of my democratic origin and my 
 loyal adherence to the principles of republican- 
 ism I have always entertained a certain respect 
 for the institutions of royalty; but I will not 
 deny that the appetite of the Dowager Duchess 
 of Edgecombe, and her manner of satisfying it, 
 filled me with an amazement in which the sen- 
 timent of reverence for the nobility was con- 
 spicuously lacking. When the dreadful old 
 woman drank her tea she gurgled; when she 
 ate her buttered bread she snored; when she 
 tossed assorted tea cakes into her cavernous 
 mouth she accompanied the feat by little grunts 
 and chuckles of satisfaction that were essen- 
 tially unaristocratic. I gazed upon the feeding 
 Dowager Duchess with a horrible fascination 
 that was only interrupted by the consciousness 
 that I was being presented to Lady Dunstable 
 against a familiar background of Lord Danger- 
 ford and Countess Pipedreme. The room had 
 rilled with distinguished society people, with 
 here and there a petted artist or musician. 
 The Duchess, with a tact that was admirable, 
 classified the company according to its indi- 
 vidual friendships and animosities, the group
 
 108 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 of which I found myself a member having, it is 
 true, one slight disadvantage in the person of 
 Countess Pipedreme, who, if possible, was 
 thicker as to enamel, and less discreet in her 
 bearing toward Lord Dangerford, than upon 
 the occasion of our former meeting. 
 
 " My dear," said Lady Dunstable an ami- 
 able young matron with round cheeks and baby 
 blue eyes " my dear, you probably have met 
 my brother, George Dashleigh. He has a cat- 
 tle ranch somewhere in Texas or is it Brazil ? 
 At any rate it is not far from New York." 
 
 The geographical information that rose to 
 my lips died there in obedience to Lord Danger- 
 ford's smiling glance of warning. 
 
 " No, I never had that pleasure," I answered 
 politely, then adding as I returned Lord Dan- 
 gerford's amused glance : " I rarely go farther 
 from New York than Alaska or Patagonia." 
 
 "Dear me," said Lady Dunstable; "why I 
 visited Edinburgh before I was sixteen." 
 
 " I understand," drawled the Earl of Drip- 
 pingeaves, " that there are no longer any buf- 
 falo within a day's ride of Washington. Sorry, 
 I'm sure. Must be a dooced inconvenience for 
 the sportsmen of Omaha."
 
 I Meet a Duchess or Two 109 
 
 The Duchess turned her friendly eyes upon 
 me. 
 
 "How do you like London, my dear?" 
 
 " I am overawed by its size, its wealth and 
 its splendid historical associations " 
 
 " Of course you've been to the trial of poor, 
 dear Dr. Cumniings," said Lady Dunstable. 
 
 "As I have not yet had time to visit either 
 the Tower or the Museum," I answered, "I 
 naturally " 
 
 " Oh, a great mistake, my dear," interrupted 
 the Duchess with sparkling eyes. " There is 
 nothing in London to compare in interest for a 
 moment with the trial of Dr. Cummings." 
 
 " I wouldn't miss a session for worlds," said 
 Countess Pipedreme. 
 
 " Nor I," said Lady Dunstable with a look of 
 ecstasy. 
 
 "My dear," said the Duchess, "you never 
 saw such a delicious look of agony on a human 
 face as that with which Dr. Cummings listened 
 to the damning evidence against him. It was 
 most thrilling." 
 
 "Indeed it was," chirped Lady Dunstable, 
 sipping her tea. " I haven't experienced such 
 a genuine sensation since I listened to poor dear 
 Lady Isabella Bellamy's sentence of transpor-
 
 no The Casino Girl in London 
 
 tation for life for choking her grandmother to 
 death." 
 
 " Really, you mustn't dream of missing Dr. 
 Cummings' trial," said the Duchess earnestly ; 
 " of course you have already missed the earlier 
 sessions. But come around any morning while 
 I am at breakfast and I will gladly give you the 
 details of the case up to date. I know them by 
 heart." 
 
 "So do I," said Lady Dunstable. " My dear, 
 you shall go to the next session of the trial with 
 me. I will have my carriage call for you in 
 ample time." 
 
 " Thank you, Duchess ; thank you, Lady Dun- 
 stable. It is very good of you," I said. " You 
 will pardon my ignorance if I inquire the na- 
 ture of the crime of which Dr. Cummiugs is 
 accused ? " 
 
 " Murder, my dear," said the Duchess. " The 
 most delightfully cold-blooded murder in all the 
 annals of crime." 
 
 " This Dr. Cummings," I said, faintly, " was 
 he of good standing in his profession ? Did he 
 move " 
 
 " My dear," said the Duchess, leaning across 
 the tea table toward me, " Dr. Cummings was
 
 I Meet a Duchess or Two 1 1 1 
 
 my own family physician. He had my entire 
 confidence." 
 
 " And mine," said Lady Dunstable. " You 
 can't imagine, my dear, how interesting it is to 
 see one's confidential medical adviser trembling 
 in the murderer's dock. You should have seen 
 him on the day he fainted while undergoing the 
 torture of cross-examination." 
 
 " It was the most enjoyable afternoon I have 
 spent in years," said the Duchess, helping her- 
 self to more tea. 
 
 I have no idea how much longer this extraor- 
 dinary scene would have lasted under ordinary 
 conditions. But the Dowager Duchess having 
 finished her half gallon of tea, her dozen slices 
 of buttered bread, and her pyramid of assorted 
 tea cakes, was now snoring unendurably with 
 her double chin buried in her bulbous bosom. 
 
 " Poor mamma," said the Duchess, in tones 
 of sympathy, but with a glance in the direction 
 of the disturbance that belied them ; " she be- 
 comes so fatigued in the afternoon." 
 
 With this remark the Duchess went over and 
 shook the Dowager Duchess of Edgecombe so 
 soundly by her noble shoulder that she awoke 
 with a start and instantly fixed her red-rimmed 
 eyes upon me, saying haughtily :
 
 112 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 " Well, why doesn't the woman dance ? She's 
 had her tea, hasn't she ? " 
 
 I saw Lord Dangerford's face grow dark, and 
 restrained my indignation. 
 
 "Well, why doesn't she sing then?" de- 
 manded the dreadful old lady, after the Duch- 
 ess had whispered some words in her ear ; " has 
 she had her tea, or hasn't she ? Drat it ! " 
 
 Fortunately for me the Dowager Duchess 
 was too sleepy to pursue the subject further, 
 but dozed off again, muttering loud enough for 
 every one to hear: 
 
 "But I'm sure she has a good leg a good 
 leg, drat it ! " 
 
 Subsequent kindnesses on the part of the 
 Duchess of Edgecombe, of Lady Dunstable, and 
 other members of the British nobility, have 
 served in a great measure to stifle my resent- 
 ment against the Dowager Duchess, who, it is 
 easy to see, is in her dotage, and therefore not 
 accountable for either her words or her actions.
 
 CHAPTER IX 
 
 THE LIAR FORGETS HIS LINES 
 
 MY duty as a faithful chronicler again com- 
 pels me to recite matters which, personally, I 
 would prefer should remain unrecorded. Not 
 that they tend in any way to diminish my just 
 claim to the honors which had fallen so thick 
 upon me. I trust that the time will never 
 come when any outcome of the lamentable feud 
 between Daffy and the Liar could be equal to 
 the accomplishment of that result. But I dis- 
 like to mention the particular occurrence I now 
 have in mind for the reason that it seems to 
 place in an undignified light one whom I esteem 
 most highly. I refer to Lord Dangerford. But 
 let me recite the details in the order in which 
 they occurred, leaving my discriminating read- 
 ers to place where they belong whatever blame 
 and humiliation are merited or suffered. 
 
 I have already, once or twice, referred inci- 
 dentally to the disquieting conduct of Daffy 
 and the Liar: to their undisguised hatred of 
 each other whenever fortune smiled upon our 
 113
 
 1 14 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 prospects ; to their brief and affecting reconcili- 
 ations in the seeming presence of disaster ; and 
 to the spirit of discord which their example 
 provoked among the chorus. It will have been 
 observed that the unequivocal success of our 
 London opening, and the added popularity we 
 soon enjoyed as compatriots of the gallant 
 Commodore Dewey, were not conducive to any 
 further suspensions of this extraordinary feud. 
 In one respect this was a fortunate circum- 
 stance. Daffy had left behind her in New York 
 an exceedingly jealous husband. I had often 
 been troubled by the thought of what unpleas- 
 ant consequences might follow his discovery, 
 for instance, of the tears and embraces with 
 which Daffy and the Liar adjusted their mutual 
 grievance during the dark hour preceding the 
 first rise of our curtain. A month had now 
 elapsed since the occurrence of this indiscreet 
 scene. Supposing some mischievous member 
 of the company the Comedienne or Little 
 Bobby had written to Daffy's husband about 
 it? Either of these two might have done so 
 without meriting very severe rebuke. Both 
 were known to be the possessors of American 
 husbands, of whom both stood in some awe, 
 and both had more than once, on the eve of
 
 I
 
 The Liar Forgets His Lines 115 
 
 some merry junket up the Thames, been sol- 
 emnly informed by the Liar that their husbands 
 had arrived some days before and were in com- 
 munication with Scotland Yard. I should have 
 mentioned before this that it was his frequent 
 indulgence in disturbing reports of this kind 
 that had won for the Liar his sobriquet. 
 
 On the evening of the day on which I took 
 tea at the Duchess of Edgecombe's my mind 
 was too full of other thoughts to leave room for 
 logical deductions regarding a disturbance be- 
 hind the scenes which began during the first 
 act and lasted until the performance was over. 
 I was therefore as completely deceived as was 
 every other participant. 
 
 It was near the end of the first act, and the 
 cue for the Liar's entrance had met with no 
 response. I added some impromptu lines and 
 then repeated the Liar's cue. Still no response. 
 I glanced through the entrance where he was 
 due to appear and was astonished to see him 
 standing there ready to go on. A second 
 glance showed me that something was wrong. 
 The Liar held an open letter in his hand at 
 which he was looking in a dazed fashion while 
 he gradually turned the color of chalk under 
 his make-up. Before the audience was aware
 
 1 16 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 that anything was wrong the stage manager, 
 furious, snatched the letter from the Liar's 
 hand and pushed him headlong upon the stage. 
 This variation on his usual entrance was com- 
 ical, and the audience laughed heartily. But 
 there was consternation among all of us who 
 figured in the scene. The Liar stood stupidly 
 opening and closing his large mouth without 
 uttering a word. I then understood that the 
 shock of some revelation made in the letter had 
 caused him to forget his lines. 
 
 As often happens in such cases the comedian 
 was so much funnier thus incapacitated than 
 when in the full enjoyment of his powers that 
 the scene went better than ever with the audi- 
 ence. We pushed the Liar about the stage, 
 making him go through the motions of his part, 
 and managed to save the scene from absolute 
 collapse. 
 
 The moment the curtain was down the Liar 
 fell, gasping, into a chair. 
 
 "What is the matter?" demanded a dozen 
 voices. 
 
 " My life has been threatened. I'm a dead 
 man." 
 
 " What has happened ? What does he say ? " 
 said Daffy, pushing her way through the circle.
 
 The Liar Forgets His Lines 117 
 
 " He says he's a dead man," sneered the dis- 
 gusted stage manager. 
 
 In a moment Daffy was beside the frightened 
 comedian, but he pushed her away. 
 
 " Go away, woman. You are the cause of it. 
 My blood will be on your head. The letter. 
 The letter. Where is the letter ? " 
 
 " Here is your letter," said the stage manager, 
 producing it ; " if I ever catch you reading an- 
 other during the performance I'll fine you a 
 week's salary." 
 
 The Liar shuddered as he took the fatal 
 document. I looked over his shoulder and 
 read: 
 
 " SIK : 
 
 " Even the rattlesnake gives warning be- 
 fore he strikes his victim. Though more deadly 
 than the rattlesnake I shall not be less mag- 
 nanimous. Therefore accept this as your warn- 
 ing. I am here. I know all. I strike, and I 
 strike quickly. 
 
 (Signed) "JOHN CUTTER." 
 
 " Oh, I'm a dead man," groaned the miser- 
 able object of John Cutter's approaching venge- 
 ance.
 
 li8 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 " Gee ! " ejaculated Daffy, otherwise Mrs. 
 John Cutter, turning pale, yet evincing a 
 strong desire to comfort the Liar in his hour of 
 trouble. 
 
 " Go away, woman," said the doomed man in 
 agonized tones. " Even now his eyes may be 
 upon us. Hide me, oh, hide me somewhere, 
 can't you?" 
 
 " We'd better hide him," said Little Bobby, 
 gravely. " There was a strange man loitering 
 about the stage door when I came in." 
 
 " Was he tall, with a smooth shaven face ? " 
 quavered the Liar. 
 
 " Yes," said Little Bobby. 
 
 "Young looking, with blue eyes and light 
 hair ? " 
 
 " He was young looking and he had light 
 hair," replied Little Bobby; "as to the color 
 of his eyes, it was not light enough " 
 
 " It is he. I'm a dead man all right. Save 
 me, some of you. Hide me save me ! " 
 
 " We'll surely have to do something," said 
 the Comedienne. "I know John Cutter. 
 There's no nonsense about him, I can tell you." 
 
 The affecting scene was interrupted by the 
 reappearance of our irrascible stage manager 
 with peremptory orders for the Liar to get
 
 The Liar Forgets His Lines 1 19 
 
 ready for the second act or hand in his resigna- 
 tion. 
 
 " So be it," said the doomed man, rising with 
 a dramatic gesture. "I'm a dead man; but 
 let it be known to all the world that I died at 
 my post of duty." 
 
 "Die wherever you please," snarled the stage 
 manager; "but get ready for the second act." 
 
 " I suppose I may have the privilege of tele- 
 graphing a friend to come at once and see that 
 I have decent burial ? " said the Liar. 
 
 "Send as many telegrams as you like," 
 snapped the autocrat ; " but don't let me catch 
 you receiving any more during the perform- 
 ance." 
 
 We got through the second act somehow, 
 though the audience must have realized that 
 our minds were not on our tasks. Daffy looked 
 half frightened to death. The Liar went 
 through his comedy scenes as though he were 
 playing Hamlet. Oddly enough, Little Bobby 
 and the Comedienne whispered and giggled in 
 the most heartless and disgraceful manner. 
 
 As I left the stage at the end of the act I 
 found Lord Dangerford standing in the wings. 
 
 " The manager sent me around to tell you 
 the latest war news," said His Lordship. " The
 
 no The Casino Girl in London 
 
 first detachment of United States troops is 
 about to sail for Cuba." 
 
 " Thank you so much," said I ; " but dear 
 me, Lord Dangerford, what have you been 
 doing to yourself? " 
 
 A drop of blood glistened on His Lordship's 
 upper lip, and he was nursing his left hand as 
 though it pained him. 
 
 " Oh, nothing. Nothing, I assure you. 
 Merely a little altercation outside." 
 
 " An altercation ? With whom ? Let me 
 look at your hand." 
 
 His Lordship objected, but I insisted. Two 
 of his knuckles were skinned and the nail of 
 his thumb was badly broken. 
 
 "Dear me," I said, "you must have your 
 hand attended to, at once." 
 
 "Which is w'ot we're 'ere for, Miss, this 
 werry hinstant," said a rough voice. And I 
 caught the flash of something metallic thrown 
 across the injured hand I was examining. 
 
 Before His Lordship began the astonishing 
 evolutions which occupied the next fifteen sec- 
 onds, filling the air with the sound of crushing 
 blows and muffled curses, I saw that two short, 
 stout men had approached him from behind 
 while we were talking and had endeavored to
 
 The Liar Forgets His Lines 121 
 
 place handcuffs on his wrists. This was the 
 last detail of the affair that was clear to me un- 
 til the evolutions of His Lordship, the sounds of 
 the blows and the curses seemed to be merged 
 into the interesting spectacle of Lord Danger- 
 ford surrounded by a ring of admiring scene- 
 shifters sitting on one of his assailants and 
 holding the other, who was all dazed and 
 bloody, by the collar. Two pairs of handcuffs 
 lay at His Lordship's feet. One of these he 
 placed upon the wrists of his dazed captive, 
 and after a brief struggle the other was treated 
 similarly. The men were covered with dust 
 and the eyes of both were beginning to turn 
 black. Lord Dangerford seemed to have suf- 
 fered no further inconvenience. 
 
 " Will you be good enough to explain what 
 you mean by attacking me twice in this man- 
 ner, once just before and once after my quiet 
 and orderly entrance here with the consent of 
 the manager of the theatre ? " asked His Lord- 
 ship, composedly. 
 
 " We're Pitchers and Duff," said one of the 
 men, sullenly, " from Scotland Yard, an* we're 
 'ere on duty." 
 
 There was a sudden movement in the crowd 
 of stage people which surrounded Lord Danger-
 
 122 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 ford and his captives, and the Liar was seen 
 pushing his way forward, screaming : 
 
 "Have you got him? Don't let him get 
 away or I'm a dead man ! " 
 
 " Are you the complainant in this 'ere case ? " 
 demanded Mr. Pitchers, with a dark look at the 
 Liar. 
 
 " Yes, but what where who " 
 
 " Well, there's your man," said Mr. Pitchers, 
 indicating His Lordship. " Look out for 'im. 
 'E's a bad 'un, ain't 'e, Duff." 
 
 Mr. Duff felt of his injured eye and contented 
 himself with rolling the other one about him in 
 an amazed manner. 
 
 "This is not John Cutter," said the Liar; 
 "it's" 
 
 "Is 'e tall, or ain't 'e?" demanded Mr. 
 Pitcher, indignantly. 
 
 " Yes," said the Liar ; " but " 
 
 " Now look a-'ere," grumbled Mr. Duff, find- 
 ing his tongue. " Is 'e smooth shaved ? Now 
 I say, is 'e smooth shaved, or ain't 'e ? " 
 
 "Perhaps 'e ain't got light hair," said Mr. 
 Pitchers with biting sarcasm. 
 
 " Silence ! " screamed the Liar. " As I'm a 
 dead man, this is not my assassin. It is Lord 
 Dangerford."
 
 The Liar Forgets His Lines 123 
 
 " Duff," said Mr. Pitchers, fixing an accusing 
 eye on his partner, "Duff, you're a bloomink 
 hass!" 
 
 "Pitchers," said Mr. Duff in injured tones, 
 " if I'm a bloomink hass, you're another." 
 
 I saw the Comedienne and Little Bobby 
 sneaking away together, and a great light broke 
 in upon me. 
 
 " Stop ! " I commanded. " Girls, you wrote 
 that letter. Don't attempt to deny it." 
 
 " Oh, did you ? Did you ? Bless you ! " said 
 the delighted ex-victim of John Cutter's bloody 
 intentions, including both Little Bobby and the 
 Comedienne in a single embrace." Bless you ! 
 Then I'm not a dead man. Messrs. Pitchers 
 and Duff, it's all a mistake. I'm not a dead 
 man. Send in your bill." 
 
 "If you can find the key to those things," 
 said Lord Dangerford, " I'll unlock you and you 
 can go back to Scotland Yard. 
 
 After Mr. Pitchers and Mr. Duff had ad- 
 dressed to each other various uncomplimentary 
 epithets with the apparent desire of conciliating 
 His Lordship, the key of the handcuffs was 
 finally found and the detectives were once more 
 in full possession of their lawful rights and 
 privileges.
 
 124 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 " Sir ! " said Daffy, as the Liar cast a reassur- 
 ing smile upon her, "your presence is distaste- 
 ful to me." 
 
 " Excuse me for being alive," retorted the 
 Liar, sullenly. 
 
 " Whether you are alive or dead is not of the 
 slightest consequence to me." 
 
 "You act as though you owned the whole 
 show." 
 
 "No I don't," said Daffy, getting in her 
 triumphant last word, " or you wouldn't be in 
 it!" 
 
 Then I knew that all was well with us again.
 
 CHAPTER X 
 
 THE MAN WHO KNEW DICKENS 
 
 "!T is most extraordinary; I don't under- 
 stand it at all." 
 
 " London is full of extraordinary things," said 
 the American Friend. "To which particular 
 extraordinary thing do you refer ? " 
 
 He had called at the close of a matinee per- 
 formance to take me to one of the " Historical 
 Dinners," as he called them, which he had 
 planned for my enlightenment on Saturday 
 evenings between the two performances of that 
 most trying day of the week. 
 
 " Their shocking ignorance, or their criminal 
 indifference, one is as bad as the other, re- 
 garding some of their most famous men," I 
 said. 
 
 " Don't be unjust, my dear. You forget about 
 our visit to the site of the old Globe Theatre, 
 and the haunts of Shakespeare and Ben Jonson ; 
 and how everybody we met " 
 
 " Oh, I except Ben Jonson," I replied, 
 
 125
 
 126 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 " though I don't understand why he should be 
 remembered to the exclusion of his betters. As 
 for Shakespeare, he is one of those exceptions 
 which prove all rules." 
 
 "It was only a week ago that we dined at 
 the Cheshire Cheese," objected the American 
 Friend ; " and you must have observed how 
 general is the desire to do honor to the memory 
 of Dr. Johnson." 
 
 " It is all on account of that truckling, gar- 
 rulous old villain Boswell," I retorted, indig- 
 nantly. " Boswell reminds me of the moon 
 during an eclipse of the sun. I tell you, Bos- 
 well is the chief literary crime of the Nine- 
 teenth Century or of the Eighteenth, which- 
 ever it was." 
 
 " If you mean Thackeray " 
 
 " Oh, Thackeray, by all means," I retorted in 
 my most sarcastic manner. " If Thackeray had 
 lived to picture the generation of snobs his 
 Book of Snobs created, his fame would endure 
 throughout the ages. Why the very cabman 
 who drove me to the theatre this afternoon 
 pointed out the house where General New- 
 combe lived, and declared that he knew Pen- 
 dennis ' by 'eart, mum.' " 
 
 We were standing outside the stage door
 
 The Man who Knew Dickens 127 
 
 waiting for the cab which the American Friend 
 had signaled. My patient guide to the literary 
 haunts of London smiled down upon me in- 
 dulgently. 
 
 " Come," said he, " let us look the situation 
 squarely in the face ; who is this Sun of yours 
 which poor Boswell eclipses when he holds up 
 before it the mellow disc of Dr. Johnson?" 
 
 " How can you, an American, ask ? " I de- 
 manded, almost with indignation. " Of whom 
 are the very sign boards eloquent ? Why does 
 the sight of St. Paul's Churchyard make one 
 feel like shedding tears ? Who made the Tem- 
 ple, its Inns and the Law Courts realities even 
 to the farmer boys of Minnesota? Why did I 
 nearly fall off the top of a 'bus yesterday in my 
 anxiety to catch a glimpse of Lincoln's Inn 
 Fields ? What makes the very name of Fleet 
 Street eloquent? How is it that the large sign 
 at the entrance to the grounds of St. Maryle- 
 bones' Hospital should possess a fascination 
 which not even the remnant of Whitehall ex- 
 erts, though it seems to bring us face to face 
 with famous court beauties and the most heart- 
 less fop that ever sat on the throne of England? 
 Whose magic pen was it that made these loca- 
 tions familiar in the remotest American village
 
 128 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 almost on every American farm? Was it 
 Thackeray's ? " 
 
 Again the American Friend smiled upon me. 
 I detected secret approval in it. As we entered 
 the cab he nodded to the driver and said : 
 " Jirnpson's." 
 
 " Come," he said, " we will go and have a 
 chat with the only man in London who remem- 
 bers Dickens." 
 
 Every Londoner every visitor to London 
 whose stomach asserts its supremacy over its 
 neighboring vital organs knows Jimpson's. 
 At Jimpson's you don't have to throw your- 
 self on the merciful generosity of an autocrat 
 inhabiting some distant part of the establish- 
 ment who does the carving. This functionary, 
 wearing a bland smile of welcome, and armed 
 with a large, keen knife, pushes up to your 
 elbow on a wheeled table the whole huge 
 steaming joint from which you have elected 
 to take the major portion of your repast. Hav- 
 ing served you with a juicy slice large enough 
 to fill two stomachs of the capacity of your 
 own, he retires, but does not make his exit. 
 No ; from a discreet distance he takes observa- 
 tions of the progress you are making, ready on 
 the first indication that your capacity is rising
 
 The Man who Knew Dickens 129 
 
 to the opportunity to bear down upon you again 
 with the bland smile, the large keen knife and 
 the wheeled table groaning under the steaming 
 joint. If ever a diner out was seen to " swell 
 wisibly before one's werry eyes " that spectacle 
 undoubtedly had Jimpson's for its scene of ac- 
 tion. 
 
 Accordingly, one may not expect to be ac- 
 commodated with an exclusive table at Jimp- 
 son's. In fact, a disposition so foreign to the 
 Jimpson spirit persisted in at more than two 
 successive visits would, without doubt, result 
 in the offender being denied further enjoyment 
 of Jimpson privileges. Nor would this sum- 
 mary act of justice proceed necessarily from the 
 bland autocrat of the wheeled table and the 
 knife. The offender would read his doom in 
 the outraged glances of the owners of all the 
 capacious stomachs then doing their duty by 
 Jimpson. Entering in the proper Jimpson 
 spirit you seem to see all these noble stomachs 
 extending toward you, figuratively speaking, 
 the hand of good fellowship, as though they 
 would say : " Ah, another one of us. Enter, 
 good Sir Stomach. Your brother stomachs wel- 
 come you with joy. Wherever you find a space 
 sufficient to contain you, making due allowance
 
 130 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 for proper and worthy distention as the meal 
 progresses, there, good Sir Stomach, place your- 
 self, and, notifying your servant, Brain, that 
 your Gastric Juices are ready for action, defy 
 the world ! " 
 
 Such, indeed, seemed to be what the fair, 
 round stomach adjoining the only two vacant 
 places at Jimpson's was endeavoring to express 
 as we entered. We lost no time in accepting 
 the invitation. I noticed immediately that this 
 friendly stomach was surmounted by a large, 
 shaggy head upon the front of which nature 
 had painted a countenance at once intelligent, 
 amiable and exceedingly shrewd. Though it 
 was evident that they were entire strangers the 
 American Friend and this gentleman exchanged 
 cordial greetings as he made room for us. I set 
 this down to the Jimpson atmosphere. The 
 autocrat of the carving knife lost no time in 
 exercising his function on our behalf; nor did 
 we in rising to the opportunity. This latter 
 fact seemed to be noted with special gratifica- 
 tion by the white-haired attendant who had 
 welcomed us at the door. Presently he came 
 to our table and busied himself with some un- 
 important details of the service.
 
 The Man who Knew Dickens 131 
 
 " Good-evening, Charles," said the American 
 Friend; "how are you feeling this evening? " 
 
 " Pretty well, sir, for an old man. Goin' on 
 eighty, sir." 
 
 " You don't think of retiring, Charles, I hope. 
 Jimpson's wouldn't be Jimpson's without you." 
 
 " Thankee, sir. Have a pinch out of the old 
 box, sir ? " 
 
 The old fellow had taken from his pocket an 
 ancient silver snuff box, which he stroked 
 fondly with his wrinkled hand and then offered 
 it to the American Friend. I noticed an amused 
 glance pass between the latter and the shrewd- 
 faced gentleman, whereupon the American 
 Friend said : 
 
 "What have we here, Charles? A souve- 
 nir? A token of faithful services rendered 
 some great patron of the past ? Haven't I seen 
 this box before, Charles?" 
 
 " Oh, yes, indeed, sir ; the last time you were 
 'ere, sir." 
 
 " Ah, now I remember. This is the box pre- 
 sented to you by Leigh Hunt or was it Thack- 
 eray ? " 
 
 " Oh, no, sir ; not at all sir. Mr. Hunt was 
 too 'ard up mostly, sir, to give away silver snuff 
 boxes. Mr. Thackeray 'e gave me a pipe, sir
 
 132 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 genooine French briar, sir. Perhaps you'll 
 kindly look at the inscription on the bottom of 
 the box, sir?" 
 
 The American Friend took the box and ex- 
 amined it with extreme care, the result of the 
 examination being awaited by its owner with a 
 smile of confident and pleasant antieipation. 
 
 " Why, what is this, Charles ? Not Dickens ! 
 You don't mean that the author of David Cop- 
 perfield gave you this snuff box ? " 
 
 " Oh, yes, sir; indeed, sir. His Lordship will 
 tell you that there's no doubt about it. Charles 
 Dickens gave me the box with his own hand, 
 sir, saying as I took it: '"Oping, Charles, that 
 you'll live to sneeze into it till you're a hun- 
 dred.' Those were 'is hidentical words, sir." 
 
 " Quite so," said the shrewd-faced gentleman 
 addressed as " His Lordship." " Charles tells 
 the exact truth." And he returned to his third 
 slice of Southdown saddle of mutton. 
 
 My mutton had suddenly lost its charm. I 
 turned eagerly to the owner of the snuff box : 
 
 " Did you see Dickens often ? Did he make 
 a habit of dining here?" 
 
 " Oh, yes, mum. 'E was very fond of coming 
 'ere for his bit o' mutton and lettuce salad. I 
 always waited on him. Mr. Dickens, Mr. Thack-
 
 The Man who Knew Dickens 133 
 
 eray, Mr. Hunt, sometimes Mr. DeQuincey 
 though Mr. DeQuincey's stomach was 'ardly up 
 to our 'earty serving, mum Mr. Forster and 
 Mr. Leach, always 'ad to 'ave ' Charles ' wait on 
 'em. Oh, yes, indeed, mum." 
 
 "But Dickens. What was he like? What 
 did he say ? Didn't all the others seem to hang 
 on his words as though afraid to miss a precious 
 syllable ? " 
 
 " 'E was not very tall, mum about medium 
 with a full beard, and very active on 'is feet. 
 'E warn't very solid in 'is conversation, mum. 
 Mr. Thackeray, now" 
 
 " Never mind about Thackeray," I said, some- 
 what rudely, I fear; "I am an American, 
 Charles. In America there are a hundred who 
 know and love Dickens to one who has even 
 heard of Thackeray." 
 
 " So the Hamericans all tell me," said the old 
 waiter, shaking his grey head dubiously. " You 
 see, mum, you don't 'ave any haristocracy in 
 America." 
 
 "Charles, Charles," said I, "how can you 
 prate about the aristocracy, you who had the 
 great honor of knowing the creator of Little 
 Nell, poor Paul Dombey, Smike, Dick Swivel-
 
 134 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 ler, Newman Noggs, Peggoty, the Cheeryble 
 Brothers, and all their dear companions?" 
 
 Charles looked at the American Friend, as 
 though at a loss what answer to make. 
 
 "Characters in Dickens' novels, Charles 
 The Old Curiosity Shop, Dombey and Son, 
 Nicholas Nickleby, and so on." 
 
 "Certainly, mum," said the owner of the 
 souvenir snuff box, brightening up ; " 'e always 
 gave me one of his books as soon as they was 
 out. They're all, every one, on my shelves at 
 'ome. Some day I shall read 'em; certainly, 
 mum, most certainly. 'Ave a bit of snuff out 
 of the old box, sir, I must be goin' to look after 
 the other guests, sir." 
 
 Solemnly and with becoming reverence the 
 American Friend and the shrewd-faced gentle- 
 man took small pinches of the contents of the 
 souvenir snuff box, sneezed respectfully, and 
 dropped each a silver half crown into the ex- 
 pectant palm of the man who knew Dickens, 
 who had all of the great author's novels "on 
 his shelves," and had never seen the inside of 
 one of them ! I felt that my face was red with 
 indignation. 
 
 "Well," said the American Friend, "you've 
 met the man who knew Dickens."
 
 The Man who Knew Dickens 135 
 
 "And what is more," I retorted sharply, "I 
 am now convinced that he represents the aver- 
 age literary intelligence of his countrymen. 
 The other night when our flag and the Union 
 Jack floated side by side at the theatre, and we 
 poor painted creatures of the stage were cheered 
 by the audience because we belonged to the na- 
 tion that had given Dewey, the greatest of 
 naval heroes, to the world, I thought how nat- 
 ural and proper it would be for these great sis- 
 ter nations the one that produced Nelson and 
 the one that produced Dewey to stand shoul- 
 der to shoulder henceforth, for civilization and 
 humanity. But now " I paused, confused by 
 the quizzical, yet approving glance the shrewd- 
 faced gentleman was bending upon me. 
 
 "But now?" he repeated, encouragingly. 
 
 "But now I am in grave doubt," I resumed, 
 half defiantly. "How could we have entire 
 confidence in a nation that only half knows, and 
 does not understand nor appreciate at all, its 
 own Dickens?" 
 
 "My dear young lady," said the shrewd- 
 faced gentleman, rising from the table, "you 
 will think better of us. I hope to live to see 
 the day when America and England do stand 
 shoulder to shoulder, for civilization and hu-
 
 136 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 inanity, as you well express it, against the rest 
 of the world." He smiled as he was depart- 
 ing, and added : " It is a pity that you, who 
 have such clear perceptions of what is natural, 
 and what is calculated most to benefit humanity, 
 should not bend your talent toward their reali- 
 zation instead of allowing yourself to become 
 incensed over small differences of tempera- 
 ment." 
 
 "Ah, I always felt it in my bones," said the 
 American Friend, gazing upon me admiringly. 
 
 " What have you always felt in your bones ?" 
 I asked. 
 
 " That you were born to shine in diplomatic 
 circles, my dear. The expression you wrung 
 from the gentleman who has just now left us 
 would create the biggest kind of a sensation in 
 Washington. If you are a patriot if you 
 truly love your country all the ships in our 
 navy could not accomplish more than you would 
 in having that expression made publicly." 
 
 "I'll do it," I said excitedly, feeling a sudden 
 presentiment of the influence I was so shortly 
 to wield in high places. " Who was the gentle- 
 man that just left us ? " 
 
 "The Marquis of Silsbury," said the Ameri- 
 can Friend.
 
 CHAPTER XI 
 
 THE ASCOT CUP 
 
 IN view of my great patriotic ambition in- 
 spired by the Marquis of Silsbury's eloquent 
 words, I felt justified in breaking my promise to 
 Prue. Upon her representation that our small 
 savings were not only exhausted but that I was 
 in debt to the management to the amount of 
 nearly a hundred pounds, I had agreed to deny 
 myself the Ascot Cup extravagance. Now I 
 felt that it would be criminal in me to miss such 
 an opportunity of becoming further acquainted 
 with the flower of the British aristocracy. 
 Certainly, without such an acquaintance all my 
 efforts in the diplomatic line would be in vain. 
 Besides, what other chance, half so encouraging, 
 was I likely to have to meet the Marquis him- 
 self and lay the foundations of a friendship that 
 would be useful yes, useful to my country ! 
 
 " Prue," I said in my firmest tones, as I fin- 
 ished my coffee, " Prue, I am very sorry, but I 
 have a duty to perform which requires my 
 presence at the races to-day." 
 
 " You have also a duty which you owe to the 
 137
 
 138 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 green grocer, and another to the butcher," said 
 Prue, with equal firmness. 
 
 " The green grocer and the butcher will have 
 to wait, Prue. It is their habit to wait. It is 
 their duty to wait, since they charge us for 
 waiting whether we make them wait or not. 
 But our war with Spain is something that can- 
 not be made to wait." 
 
 " What has our war with Spain to do with 
 the matter?" I saw with secret satisfaction 
 that Prue's astonishment had disarmed her. So 
 I replied, composedly : 
 
 " A word from the Marquis of Silsbury will 
 convince the world that Her Majesty's ships and 
 sailors are ours for the asking ; the Marquis 
 of Silsbury will be at the races to-day ; I shall 
 induce him to say that word." 
 
 Prue opened her mouth once or twice, finally 
 closing it with a snap. It remained closed 
 until, dressed and ready to enter the waiting 
 hansom, I said : 
 
 " How much ready money have we, Prue ? " 
 
 " One five-pound note, a shilling and nine 
 pence ha'penny." 
 
 "You may keep the shilling and nine pence 
 ha'penny," said I. " Give me the five-pound 
 note. I'll make the Artiste pay the cabman."
 
 The Ascot Cup 139 
 
 I did not tell Prue that as we would be in 
 the generous hands of the American Friend and 
 Teddy the latter being somewhat celebrated 
 as "the deputy American Friend" my five- 
 pound note would remain intact for investment 
 on the winner. I felt that Fortune could not 
 be blind to such patriotism as mine, and I pic- 
 tured to myself Prue's surprise when, on my re- 
 turn, I replenished our lean exchequer from the 
 golden shower of my winnings. 
 
 I picked up the Artiste at her house. The 
 American Friend and Teddy, his deputy, were 
 waiting for us at the station. A little more 
 than an hour later we were seated comfortably 
 on a drag stationed within easy view of the 
 Royal Box. 
 
 We were not early. The Enclosure was 
 crowded and brilliant with the exquisite gowns 
 of aristocratic ladies, among which stalked 
 solemnly the black frock coats and high hats of 
 their husbands and lovers. There was no dif- 
 ficulty in distinguishing the husbands from the 
 lovers. The high hats told the story. On the 
 heads of the husbands they were dignifiedly 
 upright, as became hats accustomed to rule 
 British domestic hearths ; on the heads of the
 
 140 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 lovers they leaned tenderly over the gayest of 
 the Ascot gowns. Oh, indiscreet top hats ! 
 
 Presently I caught sight of a top hat that was 
 not so easily classified. It was in close proxi- 
 mity to one of the gayest gowns in the En- 
 closure, but it neither tilted tenderly above it 
 nor yet stood proudly upright. Soon the 
 mystery was cleared away ; the gown covered 
 disdainful shoulders of the Countess Pipedreme, 
 and the hat the indifferent head of Lord Dan- 
 gerford. One sees some things most clearly at 
 a distance. I became suddenly aware that the 
 indifference expressed in the attitude of His 
 Lordship's hat related to Countess Pipedreme ; I 
 already knew that the Countess' shoulders were 
 never so disdainful as when in my presence. It 
 was plain that His Lordship had noticed our ar- 
 rival and that the Countess was not anxious to 
 share his attentions with one in my humble 
 sphere. 
 
 Meanwhile the Artiste was chattering away 
 conveying volumes of information regarding 
 the titled personages present. The Artiste 
 was no stranger to London. This was her 
 third visit ; but from her familiarity with the 
 outward aspect of nobility one would have im- 
 agined her a native.
 
 The Ascot Cup 141 
 
 " Over there by the Royal Box," she was say- 
 ing ; " the lady in pale grey covered with em- 
 broidery, in the dark blue bonnet, that is the 
 Duchess of Devonshire. Doesn't the Duchess 
 of Westminster look sweet ? That is she in the 
 dark velvet with jeweled embroideries. The 
 handsome lady in black with white showing 
 through the lace insertion is the Duchess of 
 Manchester. Oh, and there is the Duchess of 
 Portland the one in black lace over white. 
 You may recognize her by the bunch of pink 
 malmaisons she carries. She always carries 
 them. I wonder why. I shall find out some- 
 time." 
 
 " Who is the lady in dark blue with the 
 purple boa ? " I asked. " I'm sure I've met 
 her somewhere." 
 
 " You haven't met her, my dear," replied the 
 Artiste. " You've simply seen her pictures in 
 the newspapers at home so often that you im- 
 agine you've met her. That is the American 
 wife of Lord Randolph Churchill. Oh, here 
 comes Lord Dangerford. My dear, do you 
 know that he is heir to the title and estates of 
 the old Marquis of Tidewater ? " 
 
 No ; I now heard for the first time of His 
 Lordship's exalted prospects. Now I under-
 
 142 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 stood. Countess Pipedreme was ambitious to 
 become a Marchioness. How the example of 
 Lord Randolph Churchill must worry her ! 
 
 " And Countess Pipedreme is tacked onto 
 him as usual," said Teddy, with a grin in my 
 direction. 
 
 "Who is Countess Pipedreme?" I asked. 
 " Nobody seems to know where she comes from." 
 
 "That's because she comes from nowhere," 
 said Teddy. 
 
 "I wonder where she got her title," I said; 
 " I never heard of a Count Pipedreme." 
 
 " She dreamed it," said Teddy. " Of all the 
 numerous ways of obtaining titles that is the 
 easiest." 
 
 At this instant there was a sudden movement 
 toward the Royal Box. 
 
 " The Prince ! " exclaimed the Artiste. 
 
 The Royal procession was smaller and duller 
 than I had been led to anticipate. The only 
 bright thing about it was the scarlet-coated 
 escort of Horse Guards. But I thought the 
 Princess of Wales beautiful. As she smiled 
 and bowed to the Duchesses of Portland and 
 Manchester it did not seem to me that she could 
 be a day over thirty ; and how sweet was her 
 expression! She wore black embroidered in
 
 The Ascot Cup 143 
 
 white, with a mauve boa, and a mauve bonnet 
 with a red rose tucked in at the back. Beside 
 her was Princess Christian in a covert coat with 
 a dark skirt. The Duke of Connaught was with 
 the Prince. As the procession approached the 
 Royal Box I heard the Artiste saying : 
 
 "The Prince looks handsome and amiable, 
 doesn't he. But what is the reason, I wonder, 
 for that odd movement of the muscles of his 
 face and of his right eye almost as though he 
 was winking good-naturedly at some one ? " 
 
 " That's not difficult to explain," said the ever- 
 ready Teddy. " For more than forty years the 
 Prince has spent so much of his time lifting his 
 hat and bowing and smiling from his carriage 
 that the motions have become mechanical." 
 
 The Prince of Wales and the Duke of Con- 
 naught were soon seen moving about the En- 
 closure talking to their friends. I saw the 
 Prince smilingly return Lord Dangerford's dif- 
 fident salutation. Then His Lordship, with 
 Countess Pipedreme still as his elbow, came up 
 to our drag and shook hands cordially. The 
 Countess merely nodded coolly, saying an indis- 
 tinct word or two, then, half turning toward the 
 Royal Box, appeared oblivious to the conversa- 
 tion that followed.
 
 144 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 " This is an unexpected pleasure," said Lord 
 Dangerford. " I imagined you too serious-minded 
 to think of wasting a day amid such frivolities 
 as these." 
 
 " My conscience is easy," said I. " Am I not 
 justified in my frivolity by the examples of the 
 Prince of Wales, the Marquis of Silsbury, Lord 
 Dangerford " 
 
 " But the Marquis of Silsbury is not here," 
 interrupted His Lordship, smiling. " Report 
 says His Lordship is detained by pressing af- 
 fairs of state." 
 
 " Oh, I'm so sorry. I would not have come 
 if I had known this." 
 
 His Lordship looked chagrined, and I no- 
 ticed by the curve of the Countess' cheek that 
 she was smiling. 
 
 " You must know, Lord Dangerford," I has- 
 tened to add, " that I am here for precisely the 
 same reason that the Marquis of Silsbury re- 
 mains away." 
 
 "Affairs of state? Really, Miss Casino, I 
 am not surprised. A little unofficial diplomacy 
 on your part might do your country a deal of 
 good just now." 
 
 " Are you in earnest ? " I asked, eagerly. 
 
 Perfectly."
 
 The Ascot Cup 145 
 
 I thought I noticed the Countess prick up her 
 ears at this. 
 
 " And I am right in seeking an opportunity 
 to gain the friendship of the Marquis of Sils- 
 buiy?" 
 
 " You could not do better. You know that 
 it is not necessary for any official action to be 
 taken. An unofficial word spoken in public by 
 the right person a word showing that the 
 sympathies of Her Majesty's subjects are with 
 their kinsmen, the Americans, would have an 
 effect on the Powers almost as great as the 
 signing of a treaty of alliance." 
 
 I gave His Lordship a look of gratitude. 
 "Oh, dear Lord Dangerford, how glad I am 
 that you think so. And do you really think 
 that a poor girl, with nothing to recommend 
 her except a patriotism as strong as that of any 
 of her sisters or brothers, could exert an influ- 
 ence that would help " 
 
 " Yes. Her wit might discover the place and 
 the opportunity ; and her influence would pre- 
 vent the opportunity from being missed through 
 indolence or forgetfulness." 
 
 "Lord Dangerford," I said, "may I have the 
 great advantage of your introduction to the 
 Marquis of Silsbury ? "
 
 146 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 Countess Pipedreme turned sharply about 
 and fixed her round eyes on His Lordship's 
 troubled countenance. He replied hesitatingly : 
 
 " Believe me, Miss Casino, there are reasons 
 just at present reasons which you could 
 hardly appreciate, why I cannot " 
 
 "My dear," broke in the Countess, almost 
 cordially, " don't let that trouble you. There 
 are plenty of others who will be glad to do you 
 this service as I dare say you will discover be- 
 fore the day is over. Lord Dangerford, shall 
 we rejoin the Duchess?" 
 
 His Lordship bowed to me with, I thought, a 
 flash of appeal in his eyes, and, giving his arm 
 to the Countess, they made their way toward 
 the Royal Box. The Countess stopped on the 
 way to say a confidential word to the Earl of 
 Drippingeaves. During the next ten minutes 
 I saw her bright-colored bonnet bobbing about 
 here and there. She seemed to be in high favor 
 with most of the young noblemen in the En- 
 closure. 
 
 " How do you do, Miss Casino ? Delighted, 
 I'm sure." 
 
 The Earl of Drippingeaves was standing be- 
 side our drag reaching up to me a set of slen- 
 der, jeweled fingers. We shook hands.
 
 The Ascot Cup 147 
 
 " Awfully glad to meet you," said the Earl. 
 " Been trying to see you for a week. Want 
 you to come to our reception at the Club. Ex- 
 clusive. Best people only. The Duchess of 
 Edgecombe, Lord Dangerford, the Honorable 
 Mrs. Pebblestone, the Marquis of Silsbury. 
 Perhaps you'll sing something Lady Dunsta- 
 ble and Countess Pipedreme contribute to the 
 programme, you know." 
 
 " On what evening ? " I asked. " Perhaps I 
 can come after the theatre." 
 
 " Say the word, Miss Casino, and I'll call for 
 you. Delighted." 
 
 " If you will present me to the Marquis of 
 Silsbury," said I, "I'll sing as much as you 
 like. But I wouldn't think of troubling Your 
 Lordship to call for me." 
 
 " No trouble, really." 
 
 I shook my head. I had heard a great deal 
 about the Earl's habit of personally conducting 
 ladies of the stage. 
 
 " Cruelty, thy name is woman ! " said the 
 Earl with a languishing glance. 
 
 But I sent him about his business. And soon 
 I was heartily glad of it, for, during the next 
 half hour, four of the most dissipated young 
 noblemen in London, who still, somehow, hung
 
 148 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 onto the skirts of respectability, called on me, 
 one at a time, with pressing invitations to sup- 
 pers of dubious propriety, to excursions to 
 places I had never heard of, and even to mid- 
 night revels in some gentleman's chambers. 
 And when the last of this delectable procession 
 had thrown out the bait of an introduction to 
 the Marquis of Silsbury, the scales suddenly 
 fell from my eyes. 
 
 The Countess Pipedreme was striking at my 
 reputation with the weapon I had thoughtlessly 
 placed in her hand. Very well, I now knew 
 how to parry the stroke. I would be taken 
 suddenly ill on the night of the Earl's " recep- 
 tion," which I now divined was the polite name 
 he had given to an orgy planned to meet the 
 occasion. Of course the Marquis of Silsbury 
 would not be there. I could picture to myself 
 the hypocritical sorrow with which the Earl of 
 Drippingeaves would announce the Marquis' 
 regrets. 
 
 Having nipped this little conspiracy in the 
 bud, my spirits rose several degrees. Book- 
 makers were moving about naming the odds 
 they offered on the horses now about to start 
 in the great race of the day. I opened my 
 purse and beckoned to one of them.
 
 The Ascot Cup 149 
 
 Teddy seized me by the arm. "Don't do 
 that," he said. 
 
 "Why not?" 
 
 " These fellows are welchers." 
 
 " What is a welcher ? " 
 
 "A dishonest 'bookie.' He'll take your 
 money, and when you've lost he'll come back 
 politely and tell you so." 
 
 " But if I win ? " 
 
 " You can't win." 
 
 " But if my horse comes in first? " 
 
 " That doesn't matter." 
 
 " If my horse comes in first I win." 
 
 " I say you can't win," repeated Teddy, ear- 
 nestly. 
 
 "Why not?" 
 
 " Because the welcher can't lose. He can't 
 afford to. If your horse comes in first your 
 ' bookie ' ' welches ' that is to say, he forgets 
 all about you. You never see him again." 
 
 " Do you mean to say that the law " 
 
 " First catch your welcher." 
 
 " I shouldn't think his life would be safe in 
 such a crowd." 
 
 "It isn't," said Teddy, with a grin; "but he 
 takes his chances." 
 
 " But I want to bet," said I.
 
 150 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 " All right, I'll place your money for you." 
 
 " Thank you so much." 
 
 I gave him my five-pound note. " Masque 
 II. to win ; Bay Ronald for place ; half on each." 
 
 Teddy whistled. "Did you dream it?" 
 
 " I like their looks," said I. " And look at 
 the odds." 
 
 " If they- get in at all it will be sometime to- 
 morrow," said Teddy. 
 
 " Nevertheless it goes," said I. 
 
 Teddy whistled again. He leaned over and 
 spoke to one or two sporty persons standing 
 near our drag, but didn't leave his seat. 
 
 "Well, you've a fighting chance," he said, 
 finally. " It will be a good haul. I wish I had 
 your nerve." 
 
 "But why don't you place my money?" I 
 said. " The horses are at the post." 
 
 " Your money's placed," said Teddy. 
 
 I wasn't quite sure, but I thought he winked 
 at the American Friend. 
 
 At that instant they were off. It didn't 
 seem to me that I breathed until it was over. 
 What would I say to Prue ? 
 
 "Just as I said," remarked Teddy, with a 
 compassionate glance ; " your horses will be in 
 sometime to-morrow."
 
 The Ascot Cup 151 
 
 "It is some satisfaction to know," said I, 
 " that my five-pound note will not help to en- 
 rich a welcher." 
 
 " Yes," assented Teddy. " You could look a 
 long time before you would find a more honest 
 man than the one that's pocketed your five 
 pounds." 
 
 The American Friend laughed. 
 
 "I'm glad of it," said I; "I'd like to meet 
 him." 
 
 " You have," said Teddy. And he took from 
 his vest pocket my bank note and offered it to 
 me with his best bow. 
 
 "But if I had won?" 
 
 "Teddy would have paid up like a man," 
 said the American Friend. 
 
 "I knew you couldn't win," said Teddy, 
 modestly, trying to force the money on me. 
 
 Of course I couldn't accept it. But neither 
 could I prevent Teddy from taking us all to the 
 Tower of Babel to dinner on our return from 
 the races ; so that, financially speaking, I had 
 the better of him, after all. 
 
 This merry ending of a day, which at one 
 time threatened me with serious loss of reputa- 
 tion through the machinations of Countess 
 Pipedreme, convinced me that after all old
 
 152 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 friends, however humble, should be clung to 
 and cherished to the sacrifice, if necessary, of 
 apparently the most brilliant prospects. 
 
 But I hadn't the slightest intention of aban- 
 doning my designs upon the Marquis of Sils- 
 bury for all that.
 
 CHAPTER XII 
 
 "'APPY 'OME IN CLAPHAM" 
 
 MY Ascot Cup experience had an amusing 
 sequel, which, for the space of twenty-four 
 hours, rendered me oblivious to my diplomatic 
 responsibilities. Sometimes when I think of 
 the frequency with which my naturally serious 
 mind is diverted from its most worthy pursuits 
 by the odd and humorous aspects of humanity 
 that come under my observation I almost fear 
 that these memoirs, instead of challenging the 
 respect of the thoughtful, will have general ac- 
 ceptance only in the Pickwickian sense. How- 
 ever, I shall be consoled by the reflection that 
 I have at all times held the mirror up to na- 
 ture, and that truth is mighty and will prevail. 
 
 On the Saturday night following Cup Day I 
 was standing back of the scenes dressed and 
 ready for the curtain to rise on the last act. 
 
 " My dear," said the Comedienne, approach- 
 ing from the direction of the stage door, "did 
 you lose your purse at the races ? " 
 
 "Yes," I replied; "Mr. Squibs made a note 
 of it in the Gazette this morning." 
 153
 
 154 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 " Well, there's a very agitated person at the 
 door who insists on seeing you about it." 
 
 " Perhaps the honest man found my purse," 
 said I. " There wasn't sixpence in it, but he 
 deserves a reward just the same." 
 
 The Comedienne and I went to the door and 
 had the man admitted to the stage. He was a 
 lank, long-faced person of the shabby genteel 
 class. There were lines in his face which I 
 readily interpreted as meaning that he was the 
 father of six, and the husband of one who stood 
 on the letter of her marital rights. But there 
 was the ghost of a twinkle in his eye and an 
 upward turn to the corners of his mouth that 
 bore pathetic evidence of his determination not 
 to succumb wholly to the weight of his domes- 
 tic burden. Just now, however, it was quite 
 plain that the burden was at its heaviest. 
 
 " I am Miss Casino," I said, gently, giving 
 him my hand with a feeling of sincere sym- 
 pathy. 
 
 "At larst!" exclaimed the poor creature, 
 with a look of ecstasy, as he took my hand in 
 both his own and let fall a tear upon it. " At 
 larst Hi'm 'olding 'er little 'and in me werry 
 own I"
 
 "'appy 'ome in Clapham" 155 
 
 The Comedienne laughed in the poor fellow's 
 face, as I drew my hand hastily away. 
 
 "If you have come to return my purse, my 
 good man, I will reward you," said I. 
 
 " Halas ! no, Miss. Would to 'eavings I 'ad." 
 And the look of ecstasy with which he had 
 taken my hand gave place to one of misery. 
 " Would to 'eavings I 'ad, Miss." 
 
 " Please state your business, then," said I ; 
 " the curtain will go up in a minute." 
 
 " Halas ! she knows me not," said the strange 
 creature, regarding me with mournful eyes. 
 "Notwithstanding the 'avoc she 'ave created 
 in this 'eart of 'earts, 'er blessed heyes knows 
 me not ! " 
 
 " I never saw you before in all my life," I 
 said in amazement. 
 
 "True," said the man, shaking his head 
 sadly, " she speaks but the truth. Hi did not 
 send the picture. Hi thought of the little 'one 
 in Clapham and Hi only sent the letters. 
 Halas ! the letters ! Woe, woe, the letters ! " 
 
 "Do you mean that you wrote to me, sir?" 
 
 He looked at me as though doubting the evi- 
 dence of his ears. 
 
 "She arsks if Hi wrote to 'er. Oh, 'eav- 
 ings ! "
 
 156 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 " Oh," I exclaimed, a sudden light breaking 
 in upon me, " are you the one who signed him- 
 self, 'The Galleryite'?" 
 
 " Being poor in this world's goods," said the 
 man with dignity, " Hi sat in the gallery. Be- 
 ing honest as well as poor, Hi signed myself 
 'The Galleryite.' Ha man may be poor and 
 honest and still 'ave a 'eart, Miss. 'E may 'ave 
 a little 'ome in Clapham, and a missus with a 
 temper which ain't wot it once was, halas ! and 
 'alf a dozen holive branches, and still 'ave a 
 'eart, Miss a 'eart to be stirred by youth and 
 beauty, halas ! " 
 
 " There's no harm done," I said, cheerfully ; 
 " you can have the letters back." 
 
 " 'Eavings ! Hi breathes again ! Hall of 
 them, Miss?" The poor man seemed im- 
 mensely relieved. 
 
 "All of them. Give me your address and I 
 will mail them to you." 
 
 " And they warn't in the purse she lost at 
 the races ? " 
 
 " No, not one of them, I assure you," I said, 
 eager to relieve the poor man's mind. But far 
 from exhibiting relief he shook his head sadly, 
 clasped his hands and raised his eyes, saying : 
 
 " Halas ! hall in vain ! Hi 'oped she might
 
 "'appy 'ome in Clapham" 157 
 
 'ave carried one in her buzzum. False 'ope. 
 Halas, halas ! " 
 
 " Sir," I said, with indignation, " I never 
 carry the letters of strangers in my bosom. 
 Nor in my purse either. I have said that if 
 you will give me your address I will return all 
 of yours without loss of time." 
 
 " Halas ! Too late, too late ; oh, the little 
 'ome in Clapham ! The Missus knows hall 
 hall ! " 
 
 " Then you were a fool for telling her," I 
 said, quite out of patience with the man. 
 
 " Hi felt that Hi 'ad to, Miss, halas ! " 
 
 " If you are such an idiot you ought to know 
 better than to write letters at all." 
 
 " You 'ave no hidea of the Missus. Indeed 
 no, none whatever. Hi tells the Missus of me 
 guilt and she remembers it a year ; Hi lets 'er 
 find it out, and she remembers it forever. It's 
 hall over then, halas ! When Hi read in the 
 Gazette this morning Hi always takes it with 
 me coffee that you 'ad lost your purse at the 
 races, Miss, Hi pictured to myself the ruin of 
 a 'appy 'ome in Clapham when the finder of the 
 purse would take it to the Gazette hofBce, and 
 the paper would print my letters for hidentifi- 
 cation. Halas ! Hi never thought of the letters
 
 158 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 being hanywhere else, Miss. And so Hi con- 
 fessed hall to the Missus, halas, halas ! " 
 
 " And what did the Missus do about it ? " 
 asked the Comedienne. 
 
 " Halas ! she took me latchkey, and made 
 me a 'ard bed on the floor of the coal 'ouse." 
 
 "Oh, that's too bad," said I. "If you can 
 think of anything I can do to straighten out 
 matters I'll be only too glad." 
 
 At this my Galleryite brightened percepti- 
 bly. " Thank you, Miss. The Missus was on 
 the stage once 'erself. To-morrow is Sunday. 
 Perhaps now you could find it in your 'eart to 
 call at our 'umble 'ome in the afternoon. The 
 Missus would happreciate the hattention, and 
 hall would be forgiven. To be sure the holive 
 branches hall 'as 'coping cough ; but 'coping 
 cough is catching honly to them ashasen't 'ad it." 
 
 " I've had it," said the Come'dienne. " Ac- 
 cept this good man's invitation and let me go 
 with you." 
 
 Now that the tragic element had been elimi- 
 nated from the incident I was no less eager 
 than the Comedienne to seize this opportunity 
 for a further investigation of London social 
 conditions. So I held out my hand to my 
 Galleryite again, and said :
 
 " ' a PP7 ' ome m Clapham " 1 59 
 
 " Very well, you can expect us at about four 
 in the afternoon." 
 
 " Oh, thank you, Miss. The Missus will be 
 proud to hextend the 'ospitalities of our 'umble 
 'ome. But" He hesitated plainly embar- 
 rassed. 
 
 " Well ? " said I, encouragingly. 
 
 "Hi would take it as a favor, Miss, if you 
 would destroy the letters. The Missus made 
 me a promise to 'ave 'em sent to 'er. But if 
 you 'ad halready destroyed 'em " 
 
 I promised to report to "the Missus" the 
 total destruction of the compromising docu- 
 ments. Having thanked me again, with tears 
 in his eyes, and given me his address, the poor 
 man threw a lingering glance about the stage, 
 sighed deeply, and departed. 
 
 One needs to have had experience of the life 
 back of the footlights to realize that such char- 
 acters as the Galleryite actually exist. It is 
 extraordinary the number of husbands and 
 fathers in humble circumstances there are who 
 seek to relieve the sordid monotony of domestic 
 life by indulging in some little secret romance. 
 It is fortunate for such men, and for those 
 dependent upon them, that they so generally 
 restrict attentions of this kind to ladies of the
 
 160 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 stage. Members of my profession become so 
 accustomed to this sort of thing that letters and 
 gifts of flowers and jewels make a very small 
 impression on them ; except, of course, when 
 the writer or the sender of gifts establishes his 
 right to be considered in the light of a legiti- 
 mate suitor. The romance-seeking husband 
 and father may therefore indulge his epistolary 
 fancy to his heart's content. A single glance . 
 from a practiced eye at one of his effusions fixes 
 his status. He would seem to be a masculine 
 paradox if he were not so numerous. He will 
 write anonymous love letters of the most fervid 
 character without dreaming of any act of dis- 
 loyalty to his home, just as romantic young 
 girls write them without any hope or possibil- 
 ity of reply. I will not speak of the class of 
 men who go through life always fluctuating 
 between duty and some secret attachment. A 
 menace hangs perpetually over those who are 
 entitled to the love and protection of such a 
 man. But in the case of the Galleryite, as 
 you have observed, the first suggestion of 
 menace to his domestic peace sent him scurrying 
 frantically back to the bibs and apron strings. 
 
 The one feature of the Gallery ite's case that 
 puzzled me was explained when he said that
 
 '"appy 'orae in Clapham" 161 
 
 his wife had been an actress. I then under- 
 stood how she could perform the apparently 
 unfeminine act of inviting to her house the re- 
 cipient of her husband's love letters. Her ex- 
 periences while on the stage had long ago en- 
 abled her to form the same conclusions I have 
 just expressed. The Comddienne agreed with 
 me that we might expect to find the " Missus " 
 of the " Little 'ome in Clapham " an agreeable 
 hostess, serene in the consciousness of her abil- 
 ity to keep her spouse's feet in the straight and 
 narrow path. 
 
 The day was so pleasant that even Clapham 
 was attractive. The Galleryite's house was 
 one of a long row of diminutive dwellings set 
 primly in the exact centre of a diminutive plot 
 of ground, each having a diminutive front porch 
 at the top of a short flight of steps, and the 
 front windows of each looking out upon pre- 
 cisely identical attempts at landscape garden- 
 ing on the smallest scale imaginable. It was 
 impossible to question the sobriety of the neigh- 
 borhood. No intoxicated householder, return- 
 ing to his home on a dark night, would have 
 more than one chance in twenty of escaping 
 scandalous intrusion upon some other house- 
 holder's domestic privacy. The Sabbath calm
 
 162 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 of the street seemed almost puritanical. The 
 few children to be seen on the diminutive front 
 porches were sedate and clean in their Sunday 
 frocks and trousers. About the Galleryite's 
 house, however, there were no evidences of life. 
 
 "It is the whooping cough," said the Come- 
 dienne ; " the good people are afraid of infect- 
 ing the neighborhood." 
 
 Even as we mounted the steps ominous sounds 
 from within verified the Comedienne's surmise. 
 We waited until six paroxysms of coughing, 
 each followed by that audibly spasmodic effort 
 to recover exhausted breath so terrifying to the 
 uninitiated, had informed us that the "olive 
 branches" had passed safely through another 
 crisis, and then .rang the bell. The flushed face 
 and the watery eyes of the little girl who opened 
 the door served to identify her with the concert 
 which had reached our ears on the front porch. 
 
 " Step into the parlor, if you please," she said, 
 politely ; " mother will be down in a moment." 
 
 There was a stair leading to the upper story, 
 and under it another leading to the basement 
 dining-room. The latter was guarded by a 
 balustrade which fronted the open parlor door, 
 and which we were soon to see put to a most 
 novel and ingenius use. Seated in a row in the
 
 "'appy 'ome in Clapham" 163 
 
 parlor were the five other olive branches, 
 three boys and two more little girls, all clean 
 and neat in their Sunday clothes, ranging in 
 ages apparently from ten to five. As we en- 
 tered they all rose, bowed and said politely in 
 a chorus : 
 
 " How do you do ? Won't you 
 pleased be seated ? Mother will be here 
 in a moment." Whereupon they all re- 
 sumed their seats. 
 
 " I can sympathize with you, my dears," be- 
 gan the Comedienne, affably ; " when I was ten 
 years old I had a terrible attack of the whoop- 
 ing cough. But " 
 
 But the Comedienne had neglected to remem- 
 ber the intimate relationship between the name 
 and the deed which distinguishes this malady. 
 The unfortunate suggestion was instantly acted 
 upon. The eldest little girl began the fugue 
 form of whooping chorus (presto accelerando*) 
 in which the others took up their parts at regu- 
 lar intervals until all were presently whooping 
 at once in a grand finale. But before the hyp- 
 notic infection had reached the youngest little 
 boy a shrill command, proceeding apparently 
 from the adjoining room, added a new and as- 
 tonishing feature to the programme.
 
 164 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 "Emmy, Charles, Susannah, the banister 1 
 Run to the banister, all of you ! " commanded 
 the voice. 
 
 Instantly the six children, purple in the face, 
 doubled up with their paroxysm of coughing, 
 scurried into the hall and hung themselves in a 
 row over the basement stair rail, like so many 
 bags of meal. 
 
 " My goodness gracious ! " ejaculated the Co- 
 medienne. " Why do they do that ? The lit- 
 tle dears will fall downstairs." 
 
 But the conundrum was already furnishing 
 its own answer. The support which the stair 
 rail gave to the heaving little chests and stom- 
 achs rendered the paroxysms less severe. The 
 chorus of whoops was approaching a leisurely 
 and comfortable conclusion. 
 
 "A splendid idea," said the Comedienne; 
 " I'll make a note of it for future reference." 
 
 While the children were still doubled over 
 the rail, the door of the adjoining room opened 
 and a stately figure clad in black silk trimmed 
 with jet beads entered and held out a cordial 
 hand to each of us. 
 
 " Thank you so much for coming," said the 
 wife of my Galleryite. " The sight of you re- 
 calls the dear old days at Drury Lane."
 
 "'appy 'ome in Clapham" 165 
 
 " You of course understand about the letters," 
 I began, anxious to have the embarrassing part 
 of the interview over. " You have been an 
 actress, and doubtless, yourself, have re- 
 ceived " 
 
 " Bushels of them," laughed Mrs. Robinson. 
 " Bless you, I know all about it. While I was 
 playing Oberon in * A Midsummer Night's 
 Dream ' you wouldn't believe it to look at me 
 now, would you? Mr. Robinson wrote me at 
 least a hundred before I paid any attention to 
 him at all, though at that time he had excellent 
 prospects." The mother of the olive branches 
 sighed gently and gave the six small figures 
 still doubled over the stair rail a loving glance. 
 
 " Those your husband addressed to me were 
 anonymous I assure you," I hastened to say. 
 "I couldn't have discovered the indentity of 
 the writer if I had wished to which of course 
 I didn't. It was only the accident of the lost 
 purse, and your husband's anxiety that "- 
 
 " Bless your heart, don't you worry. I know 
 John Robinson. He will keep up his habit of 
 writing letters to actresses ; but, bless you, he 
 never forgets his family for a minute. Did he 
 say in his letters to you that your eyes were 
 like stars?"
 
 166 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 " Yes," I answered, wonderingly. 
 
 " Did he say that your feet were like rose 
 petals whose weight scarcely disturbed the 
 tender blades of grass upon which they fell ? " 
 
 " His exact words." 
 
 "Of course," laughed Mrs. Robinson. "Did 
 he say that your hair was like the mist that 
 veils the sun when it rises from its bed in the 
 sea?" 
 
 " He did, and I thought it a very pretty sen- 
 timent." 
 
 " So did I when he wrote it to me. And I 
 suppose he wrote that your glorious face had 
 the dazzling beauty of the sun when the mists 
 had cleared away ? " 
 
 I nodded assent, and then Mrs. Robinson, the 
 Comedienne and I burst into a hearty laugh at 
 the expense of all sentimental married men 
 who write letters to footlight favorites. 
 
 " Still," said I, beginning to feel myself on 
 terms of intimacy with the Robinson family, 
 "you took away his latchkey." 
 
 " Yes ; it won't do to pretend you don't care, 
 you know." 
 
 " And made him sleep on a hard bed in the 
 coal house ? " 
 
 " No," laughed Mrs. Robinson, " I only
 
 "'appy 'ome in Clapham" 167 
 
 threatened him with the coal house. One must 
 preserve some sort of discipline in managing a 
 husband." 
 
 The six small Robinsons now returned to the 
 parlor, the chorus of whoops having sent back 
 its last faint echo from the basement. 
 
 "Dearies," said their mother, smiling fondly 
 upon them, " go into the sitting-room and play. 
 Mother's engaged with company." 
 
 The children obeyed. Then Mrs. Robinson 
 rose and said, with a laugh in her eyes : 
 
 "My husband wishes to make you a little 
 present for a souvenir of this occasion." 
 
 She opened the same door by which she had 
 entered the parlor and said : 
 
 "John, dear?" 
 
 There was a shuffling sound from the next 
 room, and then my Galleryite entered with 
 a book in his hand, looking sheepish enough, 
 though infinitely less worried than when he 
 called at the theatre. For at least once in her 
 life the Comedienne was at a loss what to say 
 or do. As for me the novelty of the situation 
 found me powerless to do more than await de- 
 velopments in silence. Mrs. Robinson took the 
 book from her husband and placed it in my 
 hands.
 
 168 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 " With the compliments of John Robinson," 
 she said, smiling mischievously, while putting 
 her arm lovingly through her husband's. 
 
 " I I don't understand," I stammered, look- 
 ing from one to the other in bewilderment. 
 
 " Read the title page," said Mrs. Robinson. 
 Mr. Robinson groaned. 
 
 " Radley's Ready Letter Writer," I quoted 
 from the title page of the book, still unenlight- 
 ened. 
 
 " Now kindly turn to page one hundred and 
 nine," said Mrs. Robinson, while Mr. Robinson 
 groaned again. 
 
 I did so and quoted the chapter heading : 
 
 " Letters from a gentleman to a lady with 
 whom he is in love." 
 
 " Refer to the tenth line of the first letter," 
 said Mrs. Robinson. 
 
 " Oh, 'eavings ! spare me ! " groaned Mr. 
 Robinson. 
 
 I read : " ' Your feet are like rose petals 
 whose weight,' " etc. 
 
 " Now the thirteenth line of the third letter," 
 commanded Mrs. Robinson, disregarding the 
 expostulations of her spouse. 
 
 " ' Your hair is like the mist that veils the 
 sun when ' I understand," I said, closing the
 
 "'appy 'ome in Clapham" 169 
 
 book. "Thank you, Mr. Robinson. Your 
 handwriting is fairly good, but large print is 
 easier on the eyes. Thank you very much ; I'll 
 accept the book with pleasure." 
 
 The Comedienne was convulsed. Mrs. Rob- 
 
 i 
 
 iuson patted her husband's cheek and even he 
 was presently able to appreciate the joke at his 
 expense without losing sight of its import from 
 the sterner standpoint of discipline. 
 
 Our cordial farewells were hastened by an- 
 other sudden outburst of the whooping chorus, 
 and a second infantile stampede for the friendly 
 balustrade. I gave each little pair of heaving 
 shoulders a friendly pat as we were going out. 
 
 " What luck some husbands have," said the 
 Comedienne. 
 
 " What excellent sense some wives have," 
 said I.
 
 CHAPTER XIII 
 
 CAPTAIN LIVELY BECOMES TROUBLESOME 
 
 SPEAKING of letters, by no means all of those 
 I received at the theatre and at my house in St. 
 John's wood disturbed me as little as did those 
 of the Galleryite. As all London and New 
 York know, the character I represented was 
 that of a Salvation Lassie. The value of the 
 character, as my author conceived it for stage 
 purposes, is indicated in the first verse of my 
 principal song, the last two lines applying to 
 the character in the play, and to myself both 
 on and off the stage, equally well : 
 
 I find it very difficult to make young men religious, 
 In saving souls from wickedness the labor is prodigious ; 
 When I ask them to be good, 
 
 As all young men should be, 
 They only say they would 
 
 Be very good to me. 
 I ask them if they'll follow in the path 
 
 That leads to sweet salvation, 
 But oh ! the effect my argument hath 
 
 Fills me with perturbation. 
 For when those youths profess 
 
 That the light of faith they see, 
 They never proceed to follow that light, 
 
 But always follow me. 
 170
 
 "I represented a Salvation lassie.** Page 170.
 
 Captain Lively Troublesome 171 
 
 Yes, they always followed me ! When they 
 did not pursue me personally, they pursued me 
 with letters. The most unique case of the lat- 
 ter description was that of a British original of 
 my stage character a London Salvation Lassie 
 who lived in barracks over on the Surrey Side 
 and labored nightly in the slums. She wrote 
 me many disturbing letters, of which the fol- 
 lowing, an exact copy, is a specimen : 
 
 " DEAR FKIEND : 
 
 " I cannot tell you how grieved I was when 
 I saw your portrait in the illustrated papers as 
 a parody on the Salvation Army. They do not 
 deserve this. The reason for their existence is 
 the misery and wickedness too often commenced 
 in theatres and music halls, and these poor peo- 
 ple are saddled with the wreck and ruin caused 
 by theatrical performances. 
 
 " It is not our duty alone to go out and rescue 
 those for whom Christ died. It is yours just as 
 much as any one's. For you have talent and 
 ability ; and be sure, dear friend, that however 
 you may pass this life 
 
 Amidst the dim unknown 
 Standeth God among the shadows 
 Keeping watch above his own
 
 172 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 and to him, one day, must you and I give in our 
 account. 
 
 " Tell me the answer to this : What does it 
 profit you to gain the whole world and lose (for- 
 ever) your own soul? 
 
 " I write this with sadness at my heart when 
 I think of how your beauty and talent might 
 be given to God to the salvation of mankind. 
 
 " It is good to be great, but it is greater to 
 be good. 
 
 " May God bless you. 
 
 " ZEE ZEE. 
 
 "May 1,1898." 
 
 I wrote " Zee Zee," making as strong a plea 
 for my profession as I was able, showing how 
 it offered a means of livelihood to many who 
 otherwise, doubtless, would come to the slums 
 in which she labored so unselfishly, and asked 
 her to call upon me. After writing me many 
 other letters, and almost convincing me that I 
 ought to quit my mimic slums for the realities 
 of Whitechapel and Salvation Army barracks, 
 she sent a young man in the costume of a petty 
 officer with a request that I send her as many 
 copies as I could spare of the large lithographs 
 representing me in my famous character. She 
 wanted to hang them up in the different army
 
 Captain Lively Troublesome 173 
 
 barracks, where they would be appropriately 
 decorative. At my request the manager of the 
 theatre sent Zee Zee fifty of these pictures, 
 and later I experienced the unique sensation of 
 attending prayer meeting in a Whitechapel Sal- 
 vation Army hall upon the walls of which, while 
 these unselfish people prayed and sang, hung no 
 less than four full length pictures of myself in 
 stage costume ! But I never met Zee Zee. 
 
 But it was to one of Her Majesty's special 
 pets a Life Guardsman that I was indebted 
 for my chief epistolary annoyance. He always 
 signed his full name Captain Gerald Lively 
 and used the crested stationery of Hyde Park 
 Barracks. I would have been inclined, perhaps, 
 to reward his frankness with my acquaintance, 
 upon his procuring a proper introduction, had 
 it not been for his horrible familiarity. Think 
 of it ! This was his first letter, copied word for 
 word: 
 
 " DEAR Miss CASINO : 
 
 " Do come and have supper on Guard, at 
 the Horse Guards, Whitehall, to-morrow after 
 your play is over. 
 
 " I have not the honor of your acquaintance, 
 but should like to make it awfully.
 
 174 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 "If you cannot come to-morrow do come 
 some other time. 
 
 " Yours very sincerely, 
 
 " (CAPTAIN) GERALD LIVELY." 
 
 I of course paid no attention to this letter, 
 except to preserve it as a curiosity. Imagine 
 my surprise, therefore, when, only three days 
 later, came this piece of impudence : 
 
 " DEAR Miss CASINO : 
 
 " I am awfully sorry for worrying you 
 with my invitation to supper the other night. 
 But how can you blame me ? 
 
 " Please will you take pity on me, and give 
 me some other .evening, dropping me a line to 
 say when ? Ever yours, 
 
 "(CAPTAIN) GERALD LIVELY." 
 
 These were only the beginning. My silence 
 seemed to serve only as a spur to his zeal. 
 This disposition to overcome insurmountable 
 obstacles, though I have no doubt it is ex- 
 tremely useful to Her Majesty in India and 
 the Soudan simply strengthened by determi- 
 nation to convince Captain Lively of his lack 
 of any importance whatever where I was con- 
 cerned.
 
 Captain Lively Troublesome 175 
 
 When, however, he took to haunting the stage 
 door, I confess that I trembled. Out of pure 
 mischief Daffy, the Comedienne, Little Bobby 
 and an English chorus girl whom we nicknamed 
 " Sloppy Weather," attempted, night after night 
 to lure the Captain away from the quarry he 
 had set his heart on. But he would not conde- 
 scend to notice them. 
 
 I could not understand the strange apathy 
 of Tommy Atkins on this subject, considering 
 her passion for red coats and pepper box caps 
 the passion that had won for her the name 
 which had caused her legitimate one to become 
 almost forgotten. But it appeared that Tommy 
 Atkins had been thinking, and on the evening 
 when, as my understudy, she was to make her 
 first appearance in my part the management 
 having decided that it would do me good to 
 skip a performance occasionally I discovered 
 to what purpose. 
 
 Tommy Atkins bears quite a strong resem- 
 blance to me, in form as well as in features. 
 An understudy is not expected to invest her 
 performance with any originality. Often she is 
 a member of the chorus, and this extra duty is 
 assigned to her on account of the presumption 
 that she will be able, in case of an emergency,
 
 176 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 to give an acceptable imitation of her principal's 
 performance. It was Tommy Atkins' strong 
 personal likeness to me that procured her this 
 post of honor. Naturally I desired that her 
 resemblance to me in the character should be 
 as close as possible in all details. I therefore 
 assisted her to dress in my own room, and 
 superintended her make-up. 
 
 " A little more carmine at the centre of the 
 lips," I said, finally. "Remember the prunes 
 and prisms expression there, that will do 
 nicely." 
 
 "Do I look like you? " asked my understudy. 
 
 " You are my breathing image," said I. 
 
 Just then Prue came in, snorting with indig- 
 nation. 
 
 " What is the trouble, Prue ? " 
 
 " Captain Lively, in full uniform and partly 
 intoxicated, has got past Jack at the stage door 
 and insists on seeing you before the perfor- 
 mance begins." 
 
 " The brute ! " I exclaimed. " Prue, do you 
 go and say to Captain Lively that unless he 
 leaves instantly I will have him arrested." 
 
 "By whom?" inquired Tommy Atkins, 
 calmly. 
 
 " By a policeman," said I. " I will have this
 
 Captain Lively Troublesome 177 
 
 Captain of the Horse Guards taught a lesson 
 in manners." 
 
 "Not by a policeman," said Tommy, dabbing 
 a powder puff at her round chin. 
 
 " And why not by a policeman, pray ? Cap- 
 tain Lively 's feelings are not of the slightest 
 consequence to me." 
 
 " They are to the Queen, though." 
 
 "Do you mean to say," I retorted hotly, 
 "that" 
 
 " Her Majesty's officers are not expected to 
 submit to the dictates of policemen," inter- 
 rupted our authority on British military cus- 
 tomers, composedly ; " and well, the policemen 
 of London are not fools." 
 
 " Do you mean," said I, aghast, " that I am at 
 the mercy of this drunken Captain of Horse 
 Guards?" 
 
 " No," said Tommy, drawing herself up to 
 her full height ; " I am here." 
 
 Prue and I stared at the girl in amazement. 
 
 "Leave Captain Lively to me," Tommy 
 added, confidently ; " I will attend to the case 
 of Captain Lively." 
 
 "But but he won't look at any of the other 
 girls," I said. "I, 1 alone, am the object of his 
 affections."
 
 178 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 " For this evening I am you," replied Tommy 
 Atkins, taking a comprehensive look at herself 
 in the large glass. 
 
 " You certainly are," said Prue with empha- 
 sis. 
 
 " Prue," said Tommy, " do you go and send 
 Captain Lively here. Miss Casino will attend 
 to the proprieties. Oh, pshaw ! " as I made a 
 gesture of dismay " the manager isn't here." 
 
 Prue departed on her mission with evident 
 zest. 
 
 " What will you say to Captain Lively, 
 Tommy?" I asked, faintly. 
 
 " I shall tell him that if he will promise to be 
 good he may take me to supper after the per- 
 formance." 
 
 " Tommy Atkins ! " 
 
 "Well, why not?" 
 
 "You are a very pretty girl . . . the 
 Captain is intoxicated." 
 
 " I am also a thoroughbred American girl 
 and a total abstainer." 
 
 Tommy gave me a queer look. "I haven't 
 denied myself the pleasure of gentlemen's so- 
 ciety during my stage career. Tell me, did you 
 ever hear from man or woman a word to iny 
 personal discredit ? "
 
 Captain Lively Troublesome 179 
 
 "No," said I, "never." 
 
 "I was born in Butte, Montana," said Tommy, 
 giving me another of her queer looks. " Until 
 four years ago I had no personal knowledge 
 of any civilization higher than that of mining 
 camps. From my thirteenth to my seventeenth 
 year I sold drinks to miners, cowboys, gamblers 
 and desperadoes, and danced and sung for them. 
 I knew the effect upon those men of every stage 
 of intoxication. Most of them, sober or intox- 
 icated, made love to me. To-day I know that 
 every one of these men now living would de- 
 fend my character with his life." 
 
 Tommy Atkins' eyes sparkled. "Do you 
 know why, dear ? " 
 
 I shook my head. At that moment the sense 
 of my own weakness and inexperience appalled 
 me. 
 
 " Well, this is why." And the girl whipped 
 from some mysterious place of concealment a 
 neat little revolver, which somehow, in her 
 hand, had a terribly business-like appearance. 
 
 "Don't, dear," I said, startled. "Is it is it 
 loaded?" 
 
 " It is ALWAYS loaded," said Tommy. 
 
 Prue and Captain Lively arriving at this 
 juncture, the revolver disappeared as quickly
 
 180 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 and mysteriously as it had made its startling 
 entrance upon the scene. 
 
 " Aw, Miss Casino, deeply honored, chawmed, 
 chawmed I am suah haw, haw, haw de do." 
 The Captain was bowing low before Tommy, 
 paying not the slightest attention to me. 
 
 "I beg your pardon, Captain Lively," said 
 Tommy, coolly. " I am not Miss Casino. This 
 is Miss Casino " indicating me. 
 
 "Haw, haw, haw," laughed the Captain, 
 hardly so much as glancing at me ; " clevah, 
 dooced clevah, 'pon my word." 
 
 " Also true," said Tommy. " Ask her." 
 
 Captain Lively stuck a bit of glass in his eye 
 and stared at me half drunkenly, half inso- 
 lently. 
 
 " It is true," said I. " I am Miss Casino." 
 
 " Haw, haw, haw, dooced clevah, but trans- 
 parent, you know. Joke might go with lieu- 
 tenant, haw, haw, but not with captain, by 
 jove, haw, haw, haw." And Captain Lively, 
 turning his back rudely upon me attempted 
 gallantly to raise Tommy's hand to his lips. 
 
 My understudy gave him a sharp little slap 
 on the cheek. "No nonsense, now, Captain 
 Lively." 
 
 " What, after all these days of constant sup-
 
 Captain Lively Troublesome 181 
 
 plication at er at beauty's shrine that's it, 
 by jove ! Beauty's shrine to be rewarded 
 with blows. Cruel, cruel ! Haw, haw, haw. 
 I'll turn the other cheek. I'll turn the other 
 cheek, dooced if I don't, haw, haw, haw." 
 
 Captain Lively turned the other cheek. But 
 Tommy stood on her dignity. 
 
 " Well, Captain, since you insist that I am 
 Miss Casino, may I ask the object of your call, 
 here at the theatre, thrusting yourself upon the 
 stage against the rules, interrupting the per- 
 formance of my duty ? " 
 
 " Oh, come now," said Captain Lively, with 
 an injured air, " what would you have a fellow 
 do, by jove? Half my letters returned un- 
 opened, the other half unanswered. Nothing 
 left but storming the citadel, haw, haw, haw. 
 So stormed the citadel, by jove ! haw, haw." 
 
 " The citadel declines to surrender," said 
 Tommy. 
 
 The Captain produced a white handkerchief 
 and held it aloft. " Enemy approaches under 
 flag of truce and asks for conference, haw, 
 haw." 
 
 " Request of the enemy is granted," said 
 Tommy, "provided time and place are satis- 
 factory."
 
 182 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 " To-night, after the performance ; supper at 
 the barracks, by Jove," said the Captain, salut- 
 ing. 
 
 "All on for the first act," yelled the call boy. 
 
 "I'll have a hansom at the stage door," said 
 the Captain. 
 
 " Agreed," said Tommy. 
 
 " No more practical jokes, haw, haw." 
 
 "My word is my bond," said Tommy Atkins. 
 
 Whereupon the Captain, after another futile 
 attempt to kiss Tommy's hand, departed in 
 high spirits. 
 
 My understudy gave a marvelous perform- 
 ance. I witnessed it from the front. I had 
 to pinch myself to make sure whether I was on 
 the stage or in the audience. Captain Lively 
 sat in a stall near the stage, applauding vigor- 
 ously. He alone was to blame for the decep- 
 tion practiced upon him. 
 
 After the performance I went to the door of 
 the waiting hansom with Tommy. The Cap- 
 tain had called for her in person contrary to 
 the custom common in London of sending an 
 empty cab for the professional guest. He saw 
 us both in our street costumes, but paid no at- 
 tention to me. So I saw them start with a feel- 
 ing of genuine relief. After Tommy Atkins'
 
 Captain Lively Troublesome 183 
 
 graphic account of her early life in the mining 
 camps I had no doubt that she would prove a 
 match for Captain Lively under any and all cir- 
 cumstances.
 
 CHAPTER XIV 
 
 HOW THE WITS UNBEND 
 
 " You can't be in earnest," said the Ameri- 
 can Friend. 
 
 " I never was more in earnest in my life," 
 said I. "I am heartily tired of these semi-pri- 
 vate exhibitions of the literary and artistic 
 lions of the British metropolis. The Honorable 
 Mrs. Pebblestone's reception given to Mr. 
 Bilkley, the celebrated dramatist, and half a 
 dozen of the other alleged wits of London, 
 was the most dismal affair I ever attended. 
 One would have thought that Mr. Bilkley im- 
 agined himself a guest at his own funeral. 
 Neither he nor his famous friends cracked a 
 smile during the entire afternoon. They re- 
 cited the gloomiest things in melancholy voices, 
 their backbones rigid. It was the same at Lady 
 Dunstable's. When the Duchess of Edge- 
 combe's invitation came, though the guest espe- 
 cially honored was to be Grimshaw, the come- 
 dian who convulses his audience nightly at the 
 theatre, I pleaded a previous engagement. I 
 knew how it would be. Grimshaw would ar- 
 184
 
 How the Wits Unbend 185 
 
 rive punctually, but not until he had laced 
 himself into a straight jacket. No ; I care noth- 
 ing about the wits in their high society aspect. 
 You will kindly present my compliments to the 
 President of the Muses Club and say how much 
 I regret that I am indisposed this evening." 
 
 The American Friend listened patiently to 
 my essay on a topic with which he was already, 
 of course, perfectly familiar, and with regard 
 to which he had long before reached a similar 
 conclusion, and then said : 
 
 "But the Muses Club is different, my dear. 
 There is where the wits unbend." 
 
 "Really?" 
 
 "Really. Come, you shall see for yourself." 
 
 So we set out for one of the Sunday evening 
 receptions of the Muses Club, a function for 
 which most Londoners have a mighty respect, 
 owing mainly to the fact that one of the 
 founders of the club is no less a personage 
 than His Royal Highness, the Prince of Wales, 
 and partly to the difficulty with which invita- 
 tions are obtained. It was in the smoking- 
 room of this institution that Sir Henry Irving 
 administered his famous rebuke to a certain 
 sybaritish rival tragedian who spells his particu- 
 lar ART always with capital letters.
 
 i86 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 Sir Henry one afternoon was smoking a 
 quiet pipe while slowly absorbing a mug of ale. 
 The few members present, respecting the great 
 man's meditations, were silent. Presently en- 
 tered the Sybarite, his mental infirmity aggra- 
 vated by a too liberal indulgence in some spirit- 
 ous compound. Observing his great rival un- 
 occupied, and therefore presumably open to 
 conviction, the Sybarite struck a poetic attitude 
 and said : 
 
 " Oh, the degeneracy of these times. Oh, 
 the coarseness of the popular mind the rude- 
 ness of the public conception of ART ! Why 
 should one be forced to go on casting his pearls 
 aj'e, his PEARLS before swine? Pearls, I 
 say Pearls." Then fixing an accusing eye on 
 his rival he repeated : " Pearls. Did you hear 
 me say PEARLS, sirrah ? " 
 
 " Um, uh, eh, ah, pearls, aye, possibly pearls, 
 perhaps pearls, urn, ah," grunted Sir Henry re- 
 flectively through his nose, while he continued 
 to gaze at vacancy. 
 
 "Swine, aye, swine. Did you hear me re- 
 mark SWINE?" 
 
 "Um, ah, swine? Aye, no doubt. Swine, 
 urn, uh, ah." 
 
 " Oh, for an enlightened public, a public ca-
 
 How the Wits Unbend 187 
 
 pable of discriminating between the false and 
 the true, between the rude and the refined, be- 
 tween er between er between buncombe 
 and art. Art, I say ART. Sirrah, did you hear 
 me say ART ? " 
 
 " Um, ah, art ? Um, ah." 
 
 But the subtle satire of the interrogation 
 point was lost on the Sybarite, who went on : 
 
 " Oh, for an opportunity to engrave the prin- 
 ciples of true art upon the white page of a 
 virgin intellect ! Oh, for a simple, an unspoiled 
 public. Aye, a public uncorrupted by the 
 sophistries of charlatans. Charlatans, I say 
 CHARLATANS. Sirrah, did you hear me remark, 
 
 CHARLATANS ? " 
 
 "Um, ah, charlatans," assented Sir Henry, 
 fixing his meditative glance momentarily on the 
 Sybarite, who was still unconscious of his peril, 
 though a dozen club members who had gathered 
 around the rivals were nudging each other in 
 ecstasy. " Uh, um, aye, charlatans, um, ah, by 
 all means." 
 
 " Oh, for some primitive public, some cluster 
 of fresh unspoiled minds upon which to graft 
 the beauteous tree of ART. Oh, for some 
 island washed by an azure sea where no char- 
 latan has ever left his insidious footprint. Aye,
 
 i88 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 an island where the tree of art might thrive un- 
 tranauieled and bear its golden fruit. Oh, for 
 an island, I say " 
 
 " Um, ah, an island," said Sir Henry, rising, 
 and giving the Sybarite a familiar pat on the 
 shoulder. "Go to Scilly, my young friend. 
 Um, ah, go to Scilly. Go to Scilly and plant 
 your tree of art among the cabbages." And 
 then he stalked from the room. 
 
 Some of my American readers will perhaps 
 appreciate the explanation that the Scilly Is- 
 lands, which were a part of the mainland in 
 the time of King Arthur and the Knights of 
 the Round Table, are now chiefly inhabited by 
 market gardeners who supply London with its 
 fresh vegetables. 
 
 The palatial home of the Muses Club con- 
 tains a pretty little theatre upon the toy stage 
 of which, as the American Friend and I en- 
 tered, a lady of uncertain age, whose name, 
 given on the printed programme, was utterly 
 unknown to me, was singing a cheap street 
 ballad in a cracked voice. I gave the Ameri- 
 can Friend a reproachful glance. He only 
 laughed, and ordered a bottle of champagne. 
 The place was thick with the smoke of cigars. 
 Every one was in evening dress, and it was evi-
 
 How the Wits Unbend 189 
 
 dent that the greater part of the audience was 
 familiar with the usages of good society. The 
 only concession to Bohemianism was the cigars 
 and the tables for refreshments. The Earl of 
 Drippingeaves bowed to me from the opposite 
 side of the theatre ; but I pretended not to 
 recognize him. When the lady with the 
 cracked voice had been followed by a red-faced 
 gentleman with no voice at all, a monologuist 
 who could not remember his lines, and several 
 more of the most dismal failures to entertain I 
 had ever encountered, I turned to the Ameri- 
 can Friend with an indignant demand for an 
 explanation. 
 
 " Oh, this is merely preliminary," he said. 
 " This programme is specially arranged for the 
 nobodies." 
 
 "The nobodies?" 
 
 " Yes, for people whose applications for invi- 
 tations cannot very well be refused, yet who 
 have no real claim on the Club's hospitality." 
 
 " Where do we come in ? " I asked, anxiously. 
 
 " We are among the elect, my dear. Just be 
 patient for a few minutes longer." 
 
 The entertainment became more gruesome, 
 if possible, as it proceeded ; but eacJi number 
 was vigorously applauded by the "nobodies,"
 
 190 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 who followed the example of prominent club 
 members, that crafty example apparently con- 
 vincing them of the error of their own judg- 
 ment. When the ordeal was over the "no- 
 bodies " departed in high spirits, evidently 
 under the impression that they had been bona 
 fide guests of the Muses Club, and, accordingly, 
 would be the envy ever afterward of their friends 
 who had sought that honor in vain. 
 
 The President of the club, a successful libret- 
 tist, who had maintained a solemn and pomp- 
 ous demeanor in the presence of the nobodies, 
 became instantly transformed into a witty and 
 most agreeable companion. He placed me under 
 his personal protection, introducing me to sev- 
 eral ladies and gentlemen occupying high posi- 
 tions on the stage and in the fields of art and 
 literature, and finally leading the way to the 
 supper-room, where a single long table was 
 presently surrounded by a score of guests, all 
 in evening dress, but all having shaken off the 
 noli me tangere aspect which had rendered their 
 presence so chilling in the theatre. When we 
 sat down there were six or seven places still 
 vacant. When the champagne corks had be- 
 gun to pop one of the vacant places was quietly 
 taken by a little man with a sharp, inquisitive
 
 How the Wits Unbend 191 
 
 nose, hollow cheeks, deep-set eyes, and a smile 
 that illuminated his ugly face in a manner 
 wonderful to behold. He was almost shabbily 
 dressed in a rough sack suit. For a moment I 
 wondered whether his presence would be toler- 
 ated. The next moment my wonder took an 
 entirely different direction. The progress of 
 the banquet was interrupted by what seemed 
 to be a general determination to do the little 
 plain man honor. The President left his seat 
 and went over to shake the little man's hand 
 warmly and begin an animated conversation 
 with him. Others left their places and gath- 
 ered about his chair. A celebrated actress play- 
 fully pushed macaroons into the little man's 
 mouth so rapidly that he was unable to answer 
 the witty questions she deluged him with. 
 
 " Who is the ragamuffin with the funny face ? " 
 I asked, addressing the American Friend. 
 
 " That is a London celebrity, my dear, whom 
 you may only meet socially when you are your- 
 self a specially honored guest of the Muses 
 Club. Once the Duchess of Edgecombe sent 
 her carriage for him. He sent back word that 
 his time was worth a guinea a minute." 
 
 " If he told the truth," said I, " why doesn't he 
 purchase himself a respectable suit of clothes ? "
 
 192 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 " He never thinks of clothes. There are good 
 grounds to believe that he sleeps in those he has 
 on." 
 
 "I believe it, at any rate. Look at his fin- 
 ger nails." 
 
 " He lives in his studio ; he is a famous land- 
 scape painter." 
 
 "Has he'never heard of soap?" 
 " He is too busy to think of soap." 
 " How sunken are his eyes and his cheeks." 
 " He sits up all night writing sonnets for 
 the publishers, lyrics for opera librettists ; his 
 cheeks are sunken because he forgets to eat." 
 " What an expressive face he has." 
 " There is no better pantomimist in London." 
 "In spite of his ill-fitting clothes there is a 
 grace about his movements that " 
 
 "He is the best male dancer in London a 
 ballet master whose authority is never ques- 
 tioned by the managers who can afford to em- 
 ploy him." 
 
 " His speaking voice seems musical ; you have 
 only to add that he is the greatest tenor in Eu- 
 rope to bring me to his feet," said I. 
 
 " If Jean De Reszke had his marvelous power 
 of expressing the utmost significance of the 
 sentiment to which his music is set, the great
 
 How the Wits Unbend 193 
 
 tenor would be incomparably greater than he 
 now is. This little man is absolute master of all 
 means of expression. Abstract ideals of beauty, 
 of which every imaginative mind is conscious, 
 find different forms of outward manifestation. 
 All these forms were known to savages. The 
 individual whose sense of sight is best developed 
 expresses his ideal of beauty with the pencil, 
 the brush or the chisel ; the imaginative person 
 whose sense of hearing is especially acute, and 
 whose mind is orderty, expresses his ideal in 
 the harmony of sounds ; and so throughout the 
 category of the senses. The possession of a 
 sensitive palate brings into being a great cook, 
 whom kings delight to honor. The cook's ideal 
 is, in the abstract, no less beautiful than that of 
 the painter or the composer. The abstract ideal 
 of beauty is universal. Occasionally it finds 
 universal expression. I have no doubt that the 
 plain little man over there has a palate as sensi- 
 tive as that of the chef of the Savoy ; and that 
 if he is not already a great cook, it is simply 
 because he has not yet discovered his palate." 
 
 " Thank you," said I ; " how extremely in- 
 teresting. But, listen something is going to 
 happen." 
 
 The little man had risen, and, surrounded by
 
 194 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 an admiring group, was striking a series of 
 attitudes for the enlightenment of the actress. 
 The movements of his body seemed as intelli- 
 gible as a spoken language. The actress 
 clapped her hands. 
 
 " You are right, Geordie ; you are always 
 right." And she fed him with more macaroons. 
 
 " Good gracious ! " I exclaimed ; " she calls 
 the great man, ' Geordie ! ' " 
 
 " So do all the elect at the Muses Club ! " 
 said the American Friend. 
 
 " Have you written anything more that is 
 too good for the public, Geordie ? " the actress 
 was saying between macaroons. 
 
 "Nothing can be too good for the public," 
 said the little man. ;t Some things good in con- 
 ception lack artistic discretion in their execu- 
 tion. I believe I have in mind an instance or 
 two, which I might " 
 
 " Hear ! Hear ! " cried a dozen enthusiastic 
 voices. 
 
 " Do you mean the things we had that dis- 
 pute about in your studio day before yester- 
 day ? " asked the brilliant young composer who 
 sat at the end of the table opposite the Presi- 
 dent. 
 
 " Yes," answered the little man ; " but you
 
 How the Wits Unbend 195 
 
 were mistaken. It depends on the interpreta- 
 tion. The words are nothing ; the interpreta- 
 tion in voice and action is everything. With- 
 out proper interpretation the public will see 
 only the author's indiscretion." 
 
 " Oh, come, now, Geordie. What do we 
 care for the public here ? Let the public go 
 hang. Ladies and gentlemen, Geordie and I 
 will now proceed to show you what the public 
 misses, not owing to the sterility of our au- 
 thors " 
 
 " Hear ! Hear ! " said a trio of well-known 
 song writers sitting in a bunch. 
 
 " But owing to the lamentable paucity of in- 
 terpretative artists present company of course 
 excepted," added the composer, as the actress 
 made a defiant face at him. " Ladies and gen- 
 tlemen, Geordie will now interpret for you that 
 monument of artistic indiscretion called * The 
 Interrupted Serenade.' " 
 
 Whereupon the composer took his seat at the 
 piano and struck up a spirited Spanish martial 
 air. Instantly the whole aspect of the little 
 man was transformed. He seemed to become 
 many inches taller. Pride of ancestry was in 
 the glance of his haughty eye. No one saw his 
 stained fingers, his shabby, ill-fitting clothes;
 
 196 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 they saw only a Spanish Cavalier. Presently 
 the music, without loosing its character soft- 
 ened into a succession of chords which seemed 
 to invite declamation, and the Cavalier began 
 to recite the first verse of 
 
 THE INTEEEUPTED SEEENADE 
 
 Don Cervantes Christobal 
 
 Loved Inez of Seville, 
 And Inez loved Don Christobal, 
 
 Yet snubbed him with a will. 
 For Christobal, in brave array, 
 
 Each night his lute would bring, 
 And 'neath her window he would play 
 
 And thus would try to sing : 
 
 Here the piano accompaniment flowed into 
 the familiar measures of a Spanish serenade, 
 the composer expertly imitating the twanging 
 of guitar strings. The attitude of the Cavalier 
 became that of a love-lorn swain standing be- 
 neath the window of his lady love. He struck 
 the strings of his imaginary lute, and, suddenly 
 twisting his countenance into an appropriate, 
 while extremely ludicrous, expression, sang the 
 refrain : 
 
 Oh, lul-lnl-lul-lady fuf-fuf-fuf-fuf-fair, 
 
 O-pup-pen thy window to me. 
 Huh-heavy with perfume the mum-midnight air, 
 
 Fuf-full is mum-my heart of thee.
 
 How the Wits Unbend 197 
 
 One gul-gul-gul-ance of thy bub-beauteous face 
 
 My bosom with ju-joy would fill ; 
 One sight of thy mum-mum-mum-mum-matchless grace 
 
 With rapture mum-my soul would thrill. 
 
 The absurdity of the travesty, and the side- 
 splitting manner in which it was interpreted, 
 threw those about the table into convulsions of 
 merriment. But the composer held up his hand 
 in warning that the climax had not yet been 
 reached, and Geordie began the recitation of 
 the other verse : 
 
 Inez of Seville at length 
 
 Bethought her of a plan 
 To stop these stutt'ring serenades, 
 
 And to her window ran. 
 "I'll mix reproof with compliment," 
 
 She said, and then she sighed 
 She loved the Knight, you understand 
 
 Then threw the lattice wide : 
 
 Now the little man underwent another trans- 
 formation. He was no longer the Spanish 
 Cavalier, nor the stuttering serenader; but 
 Inez of Seville looking down from her casement 
 and singing mischievously : 
 
 Oh, dud-dud-dud-dud-dud-dud-Don Christobal, 
 
 O-pup-pen thine ears to mum-me. 
 Why sus-sus-sus-sing at tut-tut-tut-all ? 
 
 Dud-dancing's much better for thee.
 
 198 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 Your tut-tut-tut-tongue it is tut-tut-tut-tied, 
 
 Your lul-lul-lul-legs are a dream ; 
 Juat dud-dud-dud-dance for thine Inez awhile, 
 
 And sus-sus-sus-see how it will seem ! 
 
 Paying no attention to the shrieks of laugh- 
 ter from those who surrounded the supper table, 
 the little man broke into a wild dance with pan- 
 tomimic adjuncts, in which he was presently 
 joined by the actress. Together, while the com- 
 poser continued to officiate in perfect sympathy 
 at the piano, they represented, with burlesque 
 variations, most of the music-hall specialties at 
 that time popular. In spite of his extraordi- 
 nary exertions the little man showed abso- 
 lutely no evidence of fatigue. The only inter- 
 ruption of his novel and varied performance 
 was when the actress insisted on feeding him 
 ice cream with a large spoon in order to dem- 
 onstrate that " Geordie's mouth was built on 
 the same patent collapsable, elastic, generally 
 adaptable, plan that distinguished his recent 
 invention of Universal Christmas Pantomime 
 Scenery." Upon the successful conclusion of 
 this demonstration, the composer, who had 
 taken upon himself the office of master of cere- 
 monies, rapped for order and said : 
 
 "Geordie will now give an imitation of a
 
 How the Wits Unbend 199 
 
 timid young man dining tite-d-tite with a pretty 
 girl who expects to be kissed after dessert." 
 
 " Hear ! Hear ! " I found myself saying with 
 the others. 
 
 The little man placed a single chair at a little 
 distance from the piano, from which the com- 
 poser had begun to extract a programme of 
 second-class table d'hote music. Then, with a 
 startled look accompanied by many evidences 
 of extreme nervousness, he appeared to enter 
 from the street with a lady, which imaginary 
 person he seated in an imaginary chair which 
 he pushed up carefully to an imaginary table, 
 and then seated himself opposite to her in the 
 real chair already mentioned. No further de- 
 scription is necessary to indicate the manner in 
 which this extraordinary person, half singing, 
 half reciting, illuminated the two verses of the 
 song called : 
 
 PIT-A-PAT I PALPITATE 
 
 Whene'er Chlorinda dines with me 
 
 At Signer Tonti's table d'hote, 
 From soup to coffee dimples she 
 
 Coy meanings -which I, trembling, note ; 
 For when the menu pleases her, 
 
 (Which Tonti's rarely fails to do) 
 My woes her soft emotions stir
 
 2oo The Casino Girl in London 
 
 And then's the time for me to woo ! 
 Alas ! uncertain of my fate, 
 
 Pit-a-pat I palpitate ! 
 The consomme cools on my plate 
 
 Pit-a-pit I palpitate ! 
 I tremble lest I am too late, 
 I'm in a very nervous state 
 
 Pit-a-pat I palpitate! 
 
 Pit-a-pat I palpitate ! 
 
 The band's sweet strains fall on my heart 
 
 As though to spur my lagging zeal ; 
 Chlorinda's red lips gently part, 
 
 Her bosom heaves in mute appeal. 
 Yet I for courage pray in vain, 
 
 Nor can my scattered wits arrange ; 
 The waiter comes and goes again - 
 
 I pay the bill, he keeps the change. 
 Alas ! Alack ! my doleful fate ! 
 
 Pit-a-apat I palpitate ! 
 Chlorinda's brows are dark with hate 
 
 Pit-a-pat I palpitate! 
 Ob, now I know I am too late. 
 I'm in a very wretched state 
 
 Pit-a-pat I palpitate ! 
 
 Pit-a-pat I palpitate ! 
 
 As may be imagined, our party was now in * 
 very merry mood verging closely on the hilari* 
 ous. Several of those about the table had been 
 crowned by their companions with wreaths 
 twined from the handsome floral decorations. 
 Geordie's genius suddenly took a classical turn.
 
 How the Wits Unbend 201 
 
 Dexterously draping his lean figure in a table 
 cloth he began posing as a Vestal Virgin. 
 
 " Silence ! " commanded the master of cere- 
 monies. " We will now have something emi- 
 nently worthy of the occasion. All those wear- 
 ing wreaths will form over here by the piano 
 for the chorus. Geordie will now relate how 
 the Ionian Maid explained ahem to the 
 er to the proper authorities how she came to 
 lose ahem to lose something which she could 
 never hope to regain." 
 
 " Hear ! Hear ! " cried everybody, while the 
 chorus formed as directed, the composer struck 
 some chords of appropriate sylvan simplicity, 
 and the little man proceeded to interpret with 
 the assistance of the chorus : 
 
 THE IONIAN MAID'S EXCUSE 
 
 Love took me by the band one day 
 
 And led me o'er tbe flowery plain ; 
 Oh, merry as a cbild at play, 
 
 He laughed, nor thought of age nor pain. 
 Love, youth and May time ! 
 
 Over the flow'ry meads we go. 
 Ah, then is playtime 
 
 Youth, love and flowers will have it so! 
 
 Love laughed away my prudent fears ; 
 
 He crowned me with a wreath of flowers ; 
 He said that age was time for tears, 
 
 And bade me laugh while youth was oars.
 
 2O2 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 Love, youth and Maytime ! 
 
 Over the flow'ry meads we go. 
 Ah, then is playtime 
 
 Love, youth and flowers will have it so ! 
 
 Finally every one present, save the American 
 Friend and myself, joined in the refrain of this 
 somewhat suggestive ditty, forming with the 
 chorus and accompanying their singing with 
 classical Greek poses which were, of course, 
 perfectly dignified and decorous. 
 
 This was deemed an appropriate conclusion of 
 the ceremony of the " Unbending of the Wits," 
 as the American Friend termed it. A few min- 
 utes later we were all departing, after I had re- 
 ceived the most cordial assurances that " London 
 was not at all a stupid place when you come to 
 penetrate beneath the surface." I felt that I 
 could heartily endorse the sentiment.
 
 CHAPTER XV 
 
 TOMMY ATKINS IN THE TOILS 
 
 ONE night a little more than a week after 
 Tommy Atkins' rash acceptance of Captain 
 Lively 's invitation to a late supper at Hyde 
 Park Barracks, I noticed that presistent person 
 sitting in a front stall bending upon myself 
 and my understudy Tommy appearing now in 
 the small part which utilized her talents ordi- 
 narily looks of settled gloom, in which it 
 seemed to me there was a suggestion of men- 
 ace. Had the Captain discovered his error? 
 Was he able at last to distinguish between the 
 genuine article and its imitation? Was he 
 aware that he had been lavishing upon the 
 understudy attentions intended for the prima 
 donna? If so, what did he purpose doing about 
 it? I felt that I, as well as Tommy, could 
 await the sequel with equanimity. What could 
 Captain Lively consistently, and with dignity 
 becoming his station, do but keep his own 
 council ? 
 
 But I had not at that time acquired the large 
 
 203
 
 204 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 knowledge respecting the typical British male 
 character which I now possess. A brief digres- 
 sion will enable me to prepare the mind of my 
 American readers to receive with entire con- 
 fidence the plain statement I am about to make 
 of Captain Lively 's subsequent behavior. 
 
 There is no greater fallacy than that which 
 pictures the average Englishman as a reckless 
 spendthrift. My countrymen are too apt to 
 form their judgment upon the conduct of the 
 exceptions upon the dissipated noblemen who 
 squander their substance in usurious interest 
 paid to Jew money lenders, upon men at the 
 head of their professions who ruin themselves 
 at the gaming tables of Monte Carlo, and upon 
 those Napoleons of finance who sink brilliantly 
 in the maelstrom of their own collapsed enter- 
 prises. These are exceptions, and exceedingly 
 rare ones at that. The average Englishman is 
 a monument of practical sense and conduct. 
 If he sees that you are a gentleman according 
 to the English standard which prescribes that 
 your pocket always contains a sovereign or two 
 wherewith to meet promptly the small obliga- 
 tions which constantly stare a gentleman in the 
 face in London, not to speak of the nimble shill- 
 ing with which to tip the British servitor he
 
 Tommy Atkins in the Toils 205 
 
 will invite you to his club, to his town and his 
 country house, and will entertain you lavishly. 
 But if you should find yourself short of funds, 
 even temporarily, do not dream of confessing it 
 even in a whisper to yourself. Steal silently 
 away on your last shilling. To request of him 
 the temporary loan of ten pounds would be 
 fatal. The temperature of the Klondike in 
 January is balmy to that with which he would 
 be instantly enveloped. And he will never 
 thaw to you again. 
 
 Don't believe the stories of those who declare 
 that Englishmen are reckless investors. They 
 are gamblers, but they gamble only according 
 to their means. The national family idol of 
 England is the Fixed Income. Except among 
 the laboring and the poorest classes even the 
 children have fixed incomes. This is the sys- 
 tem : We will say that the head of a family, a 
 country property-holder, has a rent roll which 
 foots up twenty thousand pounds annually. 
 One half of this is required to maintain the 
 family and meet the permanent charges of the 
 estate. Half of the remainder will be invested 
 safely, say in British consols, or in real estate, 
 the compounding of the resulting income year 
 after year forming usually funds for other spe-
 
 206 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 cific investments which are made in the names 
 of the young members of the family, who, as 
 they become old enough to appreciate the ad- 
 vantages of an independent income, however 
 small, are initiated into the mysteries of the 
 system and proceed to draw their own checks 
 to meet their personal expenses. As they grow 
 older and these expenses increase their princi- 
 pals are augmented by legacies left them by 
 relatives, which are one of the delightful and 
 inevitable consequences of the operation of this 
 system. And so, from generation to genera- 
 tion, the ball keeps rolling. Every member of 
 the family, uncles, aunts, cousins, down to the 
 poorest relation, has a fixed income, big or lit- 
 tle, and enjoys the esteem of British society 
 accordingly. 
 
 In our financial scheme it will be observed 
 that we have left an annual surplus of five 
 thousand pounds. Having met, as we have 
 seen, all the fixed obligations of his system, the 
 head of the family regards this surplus from 
 the standpoint of the prudent gambler. In its 
 absence American promoters and English Na- 
 poleons of finance would perish of starvation in 
 London, and the gaming tables of Monte Carlo 
 would not know the color of British gold. The
 
 Tommy Atkins in the Toils 207 
 
 possessor of these five thousand pounds is will- 
 ing to risk them on any enterprise that holds 
 forth reasonable inducements of large gain. 
 He hopes to win, but he is prepared to lose. 
 He usually loses, of course. But he can afford 
 to, and that is the reason why American pro- 
 moters continue to live in the best hotels in the 
 British metropolis. 
 
 Practically all English army officers are bene- 
 ficiaries of the system I have described a fact 
 which will tend further to give credence to 
 the revelations respecting Captain Lively and 
 Tommy Atkins with which Prue regaled me 
 while I was dressing for the second act. 
 
 Prue seemed preoccupied. She laid out the 
 wrong stockings, and she pricked me twice 
 while repairing a rent in my bodice. 
 
 " Prue," I said, finally. " You 'have some- 
 thing on your mind." 
 
 " I have, indeed." And she sighed. 
 
 " Is the rent due again ? " I asked, with trep- 
 idation. 
 
 " The rent is paid a month in advance." And 
 she sighed again. 
 
 " Prue, you are homesick." 
 
 " And you," retorted Prue, " are as blind as 
 a bat."
 
 208 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 " Surely you don't mean," I began in alarm, 
 " that Daffy and the Liar " 
 
 " That pair of idiots, bah ! " interrupted my 
 companion with an expression of supreme dis- 
 dain. " No, I don't even mean Miss Casino and 
 Lord Dangerford " 
 
 " Countess Pipedreme and Lord Dangerford, 
 is you please," I interrupted in my turn. " Have 
 you already forgotten the little comedy at the 
 Ascot races of which I told you?" 
 
 " And you have forgotten the quarrel be- 
 tween Lord Dangerford and Captain Lively 
 at the Pall Mall Club, which was more than 
 hinted at in yesterday's Gazette ? " said Prue. 
 
 " Not guilty, Prue," I answered, laughing. 
 " Tommy Atkins, not I, was the casus belli 
 You know that as well as I do." 
 
 " And you know," croaked Prue, " that 
 Tommy Atkins doesn't enter into the matter 
 at all except as your double. Trouble is com- 
 ing out of it, mark my word. That English 
 upstart in the chorus Sloppy Weather has 
 been stirring it up for a week past." 
 
 "Sloppy Weather," I laughed. "Isn't she 
 the absurd creature who is fined regularly each 
 week for her slipshod way of dressing ? " 
 
 " She deserves it, too."
 
 Tommy Atkins in the Toils 209 
 
 "She always makes the same comment when 
 she opens her envelope and finds her salary 
 seven shillings short : * I consider the conduct 
 of the manager most undignified.' Is that the 
 girl, Prue ? " 
 
 " That's the girl. Haven't you noticed how 
 popular she has suddenly become with the other 
 girls in the company ? " 
 
 " No ; is that possible ? " 
 
 "And how they are all giving Tommy Atkins 
 the cold shoulder ? " 
 
 " No, I hadn't observed it." 
 
 Prue heaved a third sigh, longer drawn and 
 more ominous than either of the others. 
 
 "Well, Prue?" 
 
 " It's all on account of Tommy's diamonds," 
 snapped my companion. 
 
 "You don't mean that Tommy Atkins is 
 wearing diamonds? You can't mean Tommy 
 Atkins, Prue?" It was my turn to become 
 agitated. 
 
 " She's covered with them." 
 
 "Prue," I said with energy, "don't you go 
 about croaking and shaking your head on 
 Tommy Atkins' account. Tommy's all right." 
 
 "She wears diamonds worth a thousand
 
 2io The Casino Girl in London 
 
 pounds. Hardly a girl in the company has 
 spoken to her for a week." 
 
 " They are jealous," said I. 
 
 "She rides in Rotten Row every morning 
 with Captain Lively." 
 
 " That's Tommy's own affair, Prue." 
 
 "Daffy says she saw her driving in Hyde 
 Park in a brougham." 
 
 "Well, what of that, so long as it isn't 
 Tommy's brougham ? " 
 
 "Who says it isn't Tommy's brougham?" 
 croaked Prue. 
 
 " I do," I replied, stoutly. 
 
 " You said the same thing about Totsy Wenn, 
 who drove to the theatre in a brougham on the 
 third night after our opening, who left the com- 
 pany the next day, and who, if half the stories 
 about her may be believed, is mistress of one 
 of the handsomest apartments in the West 
 End." 
 
 "Prue," said I, "once for all let me tell you 
 that Totsy Wenn and Tommy Atkins are two 
 persons. They are no more alike than night is 
 like day." 
 
 Prue hesitated a moment and then said: 
 
 " Of course that may be all a mistake about 
 Tommy Atkins' flat in Victoria Street."
 
 ; Three of her former bosom friends." Page 21 1
 
 Tommy Atkins in the Toils 211 
 
 "Who is responsible for that calumny?" I 
 demanded. 
 
 " Sloppy Weather didn't exactly say it ; but 
 she hinted it." 
 
 " Sloppy Weather will do well to be a little 
 careful about her hints. Tommy Atkins lives 
 in an ordinary boarding-house in Gower Street." 
 
 " Are you sure ? " 
 
 " Absolutely. I called on her there this after- 
 noon." 
 
 During the progress of the second act I had 
 an opportunity to verify Prue's remark about 
 Tommy's diamonds, and also about the chilly 
 attitude toward her maintained by most of the 
 girls in the chorus. A diamond pendant of 
 dazzling brillancy nestled in the hollow of 
 Tommy's pretty throat ; at least half a dozen 
 diamonds, a handsome ruby and an emerald or 
 two blazed on her fingers. She seemed to be 
 in a very pleasant frame of mind. Once when 
 her back was turned toward the audience I saw 
 her laugh and snap her fingers in the faces of 
 Sloppy Weather and three of her former bosom 
 friends. In his stall just beyond the footlights 
 Captain Lively still sat plunged in his gloomy 
 reflections. 
 
 The storm suddenly broke while I was chang-
 
 212 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 ing for the third act. Little Bobby, looking pale 
 and startled, thrust her head into my dressing- 
 room and said : 
 
 " Come as quickly as you can. Tommy At- 
 kins has been arrested." 
 
 " Tommy ? Arrested ? " 
 
 Little Bobby, breathless, nodded. " She's a 
 prisoner in her dressing-room. She says you 
 can clear her." 
 
 "Say that I will come immediately. Prue, 
 hurry up with my third act dress." 
 
 Two minutes later I was admitted to Tommy's 
 room. It was a large room shared with three 
 other girls, who had received hasty instructions 
 from the stage manager to vacate the premises. 
 This functionary, wearing a belligerent look, 
 was in the midst of a sarcastic argument with 
 a bailiff, while a dingy gentleman in black with 
 a long sallow face and a red nose, holding a silk 
 hat in his hand, kept repeating : 
 
 " Be careful, my dear sir. Do be careful I 
 beg of you. Under our laws language is action- 
 able no less than the overt act. Restrain your- 
 self, I beg of you." 
 
 Tommy Atkins, perfectly composed, sat star- 
 ing quizzically at the court officer and the dingy 
 gentleman.
 
 Tommy Atkins in the Toils 213 
 
 " What is the meaning of this ? " I demanded 
 in my most indignant tones. 
 
 " Gently, softly, my dear young lady," began 
 the dingy gentleman ; " everything can be ar- 
 ranged, I assure you." 
 
 "And who may you be, sir?" I asked. 
 
 " Waxeni Fletcher Q. Waxem, madam; four 
 seventy Temple Chambers; plaintiff 's attorney 
 in the case of Captain Gerald Lively against 
 Caroline Clarke, alias Tommy Atkins, for ob- 
 taining valuable jewels under false pretenses." 
 
 " Not guilty," said Tommy with emphasis. 
 
 " Certainly not," said I. 
 
 "Very good; very good indeed," said Mr. 
 Waxem, with a professional smile of approval. 
 " Unfortunately, however, witnesses here pres- 
 ent are prepared to identify property and swear 
 to finding same in possession and on the person 
 of defendant. Would state that it is in my dis- 
 cretion, on surrender of property, to suppress 
 service of warrant." 
 
 "Do you mean," said I, "that if Tommy At- 
 kins gives up the diamonds " 
 
 " I won't give up the diamonds," said Tommy, 
 in a cool, hard voice. 
 
 "Certainly she won't give up the diamonds," 
 said the stage manager, adding a few native
 
 214 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 American expletives which caused Mr. Waxera 
 to hold up his warning finger again. 
 
 " Certainly we will not give up the diamonds," 
 said I. " Your accusation is rubbish. Do your 
 worst." 
 
 Mr. Waxem looked disappointed. "Very 
 serious charge," he said, casting a solemn look 
 in Tommy's direction. " Evidence conclusive. 
 Sentence of the court in all probability trans- 
 portation." 
 
 " Rubbish ! " exclaimed Tommy. " You tell 
 your precious client to meet me in the Police 
 Court to-morrow morning. I'll make him look 
 like tuppence ha'penny. I'm ready, Officer." 
 And Tommy, throwing a long cloak over her 
 stage costume, exhibited her willingness to de- 
 part at once. 
 
 The lawyer threw open the door and mo- 
 tioned to the officer. I thought at the time 
 that he was bluffing and later developments 
 proved that I was not mistaken. 
 
 "Don't you be so keen," said the officer, sul- 
 lenly ; " I ain't satisfied about this 'ere case." 
 
 " You didn't issue the warrant," sneered the 
 attorney. 
 
 " But it's in my discretion to serve it or tear 
 it up," retorted the bailiff.
 
 Tommy Atkins in the Toils 215 
 
 "You'd better not let your discretion run 
 away with you. Defendant admits she's not 
 Miss Casino." 
 
 " What of that ? " demanded Tommy, throw- 
 ing off her cloak. 
 
 " Statement's equivalent to admission of false 
 pretenses," said the dingy man. 
 
 " Rubbish," said Tommy. 
 
 The door had been left open. Little Bobby, 
 the Comedienne, Daffy, and Sloppy Weather 
 had entered, and half a dozen chorus girls' anx- 
 ious faces looked in over their shoulders. The 
 bailiff glanced again at the warrant which he 
 held in his hand, reflected a moment, and said 
 to Tommy : 
 
 " I don't want to serve this 'ere paper. It's 
 a serious matter and would make you a lot of 
 trouble whichever way the case went. My ad- 
 vice is that you give up the diamonds to Cap- 
 tain Lively's attorney." 
 
 "Never," said Tommy with angry emphasis. 
 Then turning to the group in the door, she 
 said: 
 
 " Girls, did any of you ever see me wear a 
 diamond until a week ago ? " 
 
 " No," said Little Bobby. The others shook 
 their heads.
 
 216 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 "You never had the chance," said Sloppy 
 Weather, spitefully. 
 
 " Shut up, you cat," said Daffy, turning sav- 
 agely on the English girl. Plainly the tide of 
 public opinion back of the scenes was turning 
 in Tommy's favor. 
 
 " I consider your language most undignified," 
 said Sloppy Weather. 
 
 To the manifest alarm of the attorney, 
 Tommy Atkins was removing the diamonds 
 from her neck and her ringers. Presently, 
 holding the glittering heap in her hand, she 
 said: 
 
 " Girls, I care nothing for such trinkets. I 
 never did. All I care about now is teaching 
 Captain Lively a lesson that he'll remember a 
 lesson that all his dissipated companions will 
 hear of and take to heart. Girls, do I need to 
 explain to you the base motive which prompted 
 Captain Gerald Lively, of Her Majesty's Life 
 Guards, to give me these diamonds ? " 
 
 w No ! " screamed a chorus of angry voices. 
 
 " Do you believe me when I declare on my 
 honor that I accepted them without any sacri- 
 fice of my self-respect?" 
 
 "Yes I"
 
 Tommy Atkins in the Toils 217 
 
 " Captain Lively's demand for the return of 
 the jewels proves that, my dear," said I. 
 
 " Thank you," said Tommy, and I saw that 
 there were tears in her eyes. Then turning to 
 the attorney she said: 
 
 " You may report to your client that I not 
 only refuse to give up the diamonds, but that 
 I have distributed them among my personal 
 friends in the company as souvenirs of one 
 victory over our common enemy." 
 
 Tommy held up the diamond pendant and 
 smiled at me : 
 
 " Will you take this, dear ? " 
 
 "No, my dear," said I. "You forget that I 
 am your accomplice." 
 
 " You'll take it, won't you, dear? " Tommy 
 offered the jewel to the Comedienne. 
 
 " Indeed I will, you darling ! " 
 
 The two girls fell into each other's arms. 
 As the glittering bauble changed hands the 
 dingy man began dancing up and down in his 
 excitement. 
 
 " Officer," he fairly screamed, " you are my 
 witness. The defendant is disposing of the 
 stolen property " 
 
 " Sir ! " said Tommy, sternly. " Stolen ? Re- 
 peat that if you please I "
 
 218 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 Whereupon she began distributing the rings. 
 The attorney, now frantic, produced a note- 
 book and scribbled away for dear life : 
 
 " The diamond pendant to girl known as the 
 Comddienne; medium height, with dark hair 
 and eyes. Keep your eyes open, Officer ! Ring 
 set with two large diamonds to girl known as 
 Little Bobby ; curly hair and brown eyes. Make 
 a note of it, Officer ! Eing set with rubies to 
 girl known as Daffy ; tall with haughty expres- 
 sion. Make a note of it, Officer ; you are my 
 witness." And so on until the last diamond 
 had been given away. 
 
 " Aren't you going to keep one for yourself, 
 dear ? " said I. 
 
 " I need no souvenir," replied Tommy ; " I've 
 had the experience." 
 
 " Officer," said the dingy man, panting with 
 anger and the effects of his exertions, " I really 
 think we are justified in placing all these ladies 
 under arrest." 
 
 "Gammon!" exclaimed the bailiff, bending 
 upon Tommy a glance of sincere admiration. 
 
 " False pretenses admitted, disposal of prop- 
 erty in question aggravates offence," said the 
 attorney. 
 
 " There were no false pretenses," said I.
 
 Tommy Atkins in the Toils 219 
 
 " Certainly not," assented Tommy. 
 
 " What ! " screamed the dingy man." 
 
 " I told Captain Lively in Miss Casino's pres- 
 ence that I was not the person he had called to 
 see," said Tommy. 
 
 "I told Captain Lively in Tommy Atkins' 
 presence that I was Miss Casino, the person he 
 had called to see ; but he would not believe it," 
 said I. 
 
 " Ah-a, a witness ! a witness ! " screamed the 
 dingy man, the perspiration rolling down his 
 face. 
 
 I saw Prue's face in the doorway. 
 
 "Prue," said I, "tell this gentleman what 
 you know about it." 
 
 "On the night that Captain Lively forced 
 his way upon the stage, and to the door of Miss 
 Casino's dressing-room," said Prue, with evident 
 enjoyment, " Tommy Atkins was preparing to 
 go on as Miss Casino's understudy. In spite 
 of their explanations Captain Lively insisted 
 upon extending his invitation to Tommy. I 
 was in the room all the time. Miss Casino 
 even followed them to the Captain's carriage, 
 still assuring him of his mistake ; but he paid 
 no attention to her."
 
 22O The Casino Girl in London 
 
 " Drop it ? " said the officer to the attorney, 
 pocketing his warrant. 
 
 The dingy man was showing his teeth. He 
 turned to Tommy. 
 
 " On what grounds do you claim the dia- 
 monds?" 
 
 " On the ground that they were presented to 
 me by Captain Lively." 
 
 " What return did you make to Captain 
 Lively for his er his extreme generosity ? " 
 
 "My society," said Tommy; "my society 
 three times at supper after the performance, 
 five mornings and four afternoons in Hyde 
 Park, and one Sunday on the Thames to Wind- 
 sor and back." 
 
 "Don't you think that your society comes 
 rather high at a thousand pounds' worth of dia- 
 monds and rubies ? " 
 
 "Not when Captain Gerald Lively is the 
 other party," retorted Tommy. 
 
 " Drop it ! look 'ere now, Waxem, you drop 
 it," said the bailiff. 
 
 " Hold on," said the attorney, triumphantly, 
 "there's another charge. How about drawing 
 a deadly weapon on Her Majesty's uniform at 
 Hyde Park Barracks on the let me see " the 
 attorney consulted his note-book "on the nine-
 
 Tommy Atkins in the Toils 221 
 
 teenth day of May, Anno Domini, eighteen hun- 
 dred and ninety-eight? How about drawing a 
 deadly weapon on Captain Lively, Miss Miss 
 Tommy Atkins?" 
 
 Tommy's face was scarlet. But she held her 
 head high and answered : 
 
 " Girls, you will understand. Captain Lively 
 was intoxicated. ... It was after supper. 
 I found myself suddenly alone with him. . . . 
 When I sought to leave the place I discovered 
 that the door was locked. . . . Captain 
 Lively was in no condition to listen to rea- 
 son. ... I was at his mercy. ... At 
 the last moment I did the only thing left for 
 me to do. I drew this." And like a flash 
 Tommy whipped from its mysterious place of 
 concealment the terribly business-like revolver 
 with which she had illustrated for me her Mon- 
 tana experiences. 
 
 " Drop it ! " growled the bailiff. 
 
 The dingy man gasped once or twice, threw 
 a venomous look about the circle of derisive 
 faces, and silently departed, the bailiff follow- 
 ing at his heels. 
 
 A minute later the curtain rose on the third 
 act. Captain Lively had evidently heard his 
 emissary's report. His stall was empty.
 
 CHAPTER XVI 
 
 COUNTESS PIPEDREME FORGETS HERSELF 
 
 LADY Slasher turned her fine eyes full upon 
 my own. A lovely smile illuminated her kind 
 face, too often saddened by the expression that 
 mirrored her almost constant reflections upon 
 the social prejudices which dwarf the souls and 
 bodies of humanity. She seized both my hands 
 and said in her impulsive way : 
 
 " Oh, my dear, how your words thrill me I " 
 
 " They are the expression of thoughts that 
 thrill me," I answered. 
 
 " Keep on having such thoughts," said Lady 
 Slasher with enthusiasm. " Keep on express- 
 ing them. The thought and its expression 
 strengthen the will. The human will, when 
 fully impressed upon the consciousness of its 
 possessor, is as nearly omnipotent as anything 
 this side of Heaven. Do you not remember 
 what Balzac says about the will? Ah, that 
 splendid intellect! He refuses to limit its 
 powers to the spiritual side of man which gave 
 it birth. He boldly declares the will to be a 
 material force. My dear, only think of it. You 
 
 222
 
 Countess Pipedreme Forgets Herself 223 
 
 will to shatter stone battlements and forthwith 
 they crumble into dust ! " 
 
 " But how long it must take to develop one's 
 will to a point where it is strong enough to ac- 
 complish anything," I said, feeling lamentably 
 weak in the presence of this remarkable woman. 
 
 " You must give it practice daily practice on 
 the small obstructions first," said Lady Slasher. 
 " Your will gained in power a hundred fold when 
 you poured those ardently patriotic words into 
 the ear of the Marquis of Silsbury which in- 
 spired His Lordship to make the significant 
 comment which you just now repeated to me. 
 Remember that the next time you meet His 
 Lordship. His will in that matter, if not al- 
 ready secretly coincident with your own, is at 
 least passive. It is a field made ready for your 
 sowing. Seed time is as at hand, my dear." 
 
 "But how can we wait for the harvest?" I 
 exclaimed. " When you, a weak young girl 
 like myself, in your American home, looked at 
 the plump, sleek, perfect bodies of the little 
 pigs in your father's barnyard, you know that 
 it would be years and years before you could 
 prevail upon men and women to give the same 
 attention to the development and perpetuation 
 of their own species that every one who has pigs
 
 224 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 gives to the future of their Berkshirea and their 
 Poland Chinas. You knew that your mission 
 would require years, perhaps generations for its 
 accomplishment; mine must be accomplished 
 immediately. Already the Powers England 
 alone excepted are secretly offering their ships 
 to Spain." 
 
 Lady Slasher smiled encouragingly. "The 
 opportunity finds the man, why not the woman ? 
 My dear, I fully believe that in this emergency 
 you are the woman, and that the opportunity is 
 at hand. You shall help me receive this after- 
 noon. I can hardly hope for so much honor as 
 the presence of the Marquis of Silsbury but 
 wait, and do not be impatient." 
 
 In response to Lady Slasher's urgent request 
 I had arrived an hour earlier than the time 
 named in the invitations to her "Anglo-Ameri- 
 can Garden Party," to which all London was 
 bidden. Her brilliant marriage to a British Peer 
 had by no means obliterated Lady Slasher's af- 
 fection for the land of her birth no more than 
 it had slackened in the slightest degree her zeal 
 in the great cause which has made her lectures 
 and her books famous throughout America and 
 Europe. Never during the early years of her 
 journalistic slavery in America had she toiled
 
 Countess Pipedreme Forgets Herself 225 
 
 more persistently for the overthrow of the fe- 
 tishes of society than she now toiled in her 
 English country palace convenient to London, 
 surrounded by every luxury that a woman of 
 leisure and refinement could desire. She en- 
 tertained lavishly, but it was perfectly under- 
 stood that she never accepted invitations in re- 
 turn for her own hospitality. Naturally her 
 extreme views on social subjects caused her to 
 be looked at askance by the prudes of society, 
 and by those who feel themselves lost except 
 when anchored fast to the rock of convention- 
 ality. It was only the knowledge that there 
 was no danger of Lady Slasher ever setting her 
 iconoclastic feet upon their own hearth stones 
 that emboldened such persons to visit her at 
 all. This situation was already so familiar to 
 me that I felt confident of meeting at Lady 
 Slasher's garden party many of the finest folk 
 in England her wine cellars were known to be 
 inexhaustible. 
 
 Lady Slasher's grounds were magnificent. 
 Besides the natural shade furnished by fine 
 old spreading oaks there were canvas shelters 
 gayly decked out with red, white and blue 
 bunting and innumerable flags of the sister 
 nations. Tables were spread everywhere, and
 
 226 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 there was no lack of comfortable seats, and 
 snug little retreats among the shrubbery which 
 seemed to have been provided for the special 
 encouragement of love-making. Toward the 
 middle of the afternoon, when my duty at 
 Lady Slasher's side in helping to receive the 
 guests had been fulfilled, I made a tour of the 
 grounds, accompanied by the American Friend, 
 and found every one of these retreats occupied. 
 One of Lady Slasher's special recommendations 
 to young men and women was her avowed sym- 
 pathy with lovers. But I fear that on that 
 afternoon many a desperate flirtation was born 
 later to abuse her beneficence. 
 
 One of the surprises the afternoon brought 
 me was my unexpected encounter with Count- 
 ess Pipedreme and the Earl of Dnppingeaves 
 conversing earnestly in one of the shady nooks 
 I have described. The Countess' conduct on 
 observing my presence was no less surprising. 
 
 "In such a cause my purse is certainly at 
 your disposal," she said, putting her handker- 
 chief to her eyes. " Poor woman, how I pity 
 her ! " 
 
 Whereupon the Countess gave the Earl her 
 hand and they separated.
 
 Countess Pipedreme Forgets Herself 227 
 
 " Angel of mercy," commented the American 
 Friend with sarcasm. 
 
 "The idea of the Earl of Drippingeaves both- 
 ering his empty head about the sorrows of the 
 poor," said I. 
 
 The incident was speedily driven from our 
 minds by a spectacle of superior interest which 
 confronted us as we moved toward the large 
 oak near the centre of the grounds which 
 served as a sort of sylvan audience chamber 
 wherein the Queen of the ceremonies dispensed 
 wisdom to all comers. The group which sur- 
 rounded Lady Slasher exhibited signs of anima- 
 tion rather unusual in such a gathering. True 
 to her instinct as a publicist, Lady Slasher had 
 locked horns in an argument with Mr. Squibs 
 of the Gazette. The Honorable Mrs. Pebble- 
 stone, Lady Dunstable and the Duchess of 
 Edgecombe were in the front rank of interested 
 listeners. I think I have already mentioned 
 that Mr. Squibs enjoyed a social position rather 
 unique among journalists, excepting, of course, 
 the prominent critics, and the wealthy publish- 
 ers whose consistent defence of the institution 
 of royalty has been rewarded by their admission 
 to that borderland of aristocracy, knighthood.
 
 228 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 Knowing the quality of Mr. Squibs' wit we 
 hastened to join the group. 
 
 " My dear," whispered Lady Dunstable, " it's 
 almost shocking, of course, but so interesting." 
 
 "Between the pigs and the babies," Mr. 
 Squibs was saying, " I admit that the pigs have 
 the better start. But think of their tragic 
 end ! " 
 
 "You are begging the question," retorted 
 Lady Slasher. "My comparison was limited 
 to the fundamental proposition of birth. Birth 
 is something that is thrust upon every living 
 thing. The being that profits or is victimized 
 by the fact of birth has no voice in the matter. 
 The human victim, who, being endowed with 
 intelligence, will live to appreciate the injustice 
 heaped upon him, perhaps to curse those who 
 selfishly brought this misery upon him. The 
 pig, on the contrary, remains unconscious of his 
 ideal entrance to life. Think of the brutal in- 
 equality of it ! Human beings, created in the 
 image of God, the only living creatures that are 
 denied the advantage of a wholesome and nat- 
 ural parentage ! " 
 
 Mr. Squibs threw up his hands with a comical 
 gesture. " I give it up. I withdraw my babies 
 from the argument. The little pigs have it."
 
 Countess Pipedreme Forgets Herself 229 
 
 " How highly improper," whispered the Hon- 
 orable Mrs. Pebblestone to me as she moved 
 eagerly a step or two nearer the disputants. 
 
 " But what are you going to have done about 
 it ? " Mr. Squibs demanded. 
 
 " That's it, you know," drawled the Earl of 
 Drippingeaves. " The little babies can't pick 
 out their own papas and mammas, don't you 
 know, haw, haw, haw." 
 
 " I couldn't," said Mr. Squibs. " That's the 
 reason I'm not a Duke." 
 
 " What nonsense," said Countess Pipedreme, 
 haughtily. She had captured Lord Dangerford 
 somewhere in the grounds and glued herself to 
 his side. 
 
 " Countess Pipedreme has a right to be super- 
 cilious," whispered the American Friend in my 
 ear, " being probably the only exception pres- 
 ent to the rule just laid down." 
 
 " How can that be ? " I asked, innocently. 
 
 " Haven't you heard how she happens to be 
 a Countess ? " 
 
 " No. I thought the mystery had never been 
 explained." 
 
 " It never has been until this moment. You 
 see she selected her own parents. That action 
 having been postponed until she had gained
 
 230 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 considerable worldly wisdom, she took pains to 
 select a Count for a father." 
 
 " Oh," I laughed, " that is what Teddy meant 
 when, in answer to my inquiry about the origin 
 of the title of Countess Pipedreme, he replied 
 that she had dreamt it." 
 
 But Lady Slasher had not been in the slight- 
 est degree ruffled by the pleasantries of Mr. 
 Squibs and the Earl of Drippingeaves. She 
 smiled benevolently upon them and said : 
 
 "The remedy is very simple. The mothers 
 of the future hold it in their hands." 
 
 "The male, not the female, is the race," 
 quoted Mr. Squibs, triumphantly. 
 
 " Granted," was Lady Slasher's instant reply. 
 " If it is a race of drunkards, of imbeciles, of de- 
 generates, of physical wrecks, its blood be upon 
 the head of the father." 
 
 " Oh, by all means, bar the drunken, degen- 
 erate, imbecile males, but how?" demanded the 
 journalist. 
 
 Lady Slasher fixed her brilliant eyes upon 
 the sympathetic countenance of the Duchess 
 of Edgecombe. "By educating liberally the 
 temperate, wholesome-minded, clean-lived fe- 
 males," she said, with conviction in her tones.
 
 Countess Pipedreme Forgets Herself 231 
 
 " Children cannot select their parents, but the 
 mothers may select the fathers." 
 
 "Oh! Ah! Dear me! The very idea!" 
 Lady Slasher stood serene and smiling under 
 the storm of exclamations which the group 
 hurled upon her. 
 
 " I repeat," she said, " that the female should 
 be allowed to select her mate." 
 
 " Oh, come now, you wouldn't have the 
 women do the proposing?" said the Earl of 
 Drippingeaves, aghast. 
 
 " Why not ? She would never, of her own 
 free will, select a drunkard or a libertine to be 
 the father of her children. Under the present 
 system she accepts them because she is ignorant, 
 or because they are thrust upon her." 
 
 " You can never educate 'em up to it," said 
 Mr. Squibs, shaking his head violently. " The 
 dear creatures have been pursued since the very 
 beginning, and they like it." 
 
 " It is ignorance," said Lady Slasher. 
 
 " It is gallantry," said Mr. Squibs. " What 
 would our poetry be without it ? " 
 
 "Superstition, superstition, superstition," re- 
 torted Lady Slasher. " Why did Rochefoucault 
 say : ' Marriage is sometimes convenient, but 
 never delightful'? Because so many women
 
 232 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 are led so unwillingly to the altar. Marriages 
 engineered by men, dominated by the blind 
 passion of the moment, are not well assorted. I 
 will quote to you Lady Mary Wortley Motagu, 
 daughter of a Duke, beautiful, accomplished, 
 clear-headed, fashionable, in reply to Rochefou- 
 cault : ' It is impossible to taste the delights 
 of love in perfection but in a well assorted mar- 
 riage. A fond couple attached to each other 
 by mutual affection, are two lovers who live hap- 
 pily together. Though the priest pronounces 
 certain words, though the lawyers draw up cer- 
 tain instruments, yet I look on these prepara- 
 tives in the same light as a lover considers a 
 rope ladder which he fastens to his mistress' 
 window: If they can but live together, what 
 does it signify by what means the union is ac- 
 complished? . . . When a pair who enter- 
 tain such rational sentiments are united by in- 
 dissoluble bonds, all nature smiles upon them. 
 
 . . In my opinion such a life is infinitely 
 more happy and more voluptuous than the most 
 ravishing and best regulated gallantry.' " 
 
 " When the daughter of a Duke says a thing," 
 said Mr. Squibs, solemnly, "it is indeed time to 
 pause and reflect." 
 
 " But," objected the Earl of Drippingeaves,
 
 Countess Pipedreme Forgets Herself 233 
 
 "how does it help the matter to have women 
 do the proposing?" 
 
 " Why, that's simple enough," said Mr. Squibs. 
 " Women are so keen. A woman will have sense 
 enough to select a husband whom she can fool 
 into believing as long as he can stand on his 
 pegs that he is perpetually climbing into her 
 window by way of a rope ladder. We're such 
 blooming idiots, you know, when we're well 
 managed by a woman." 
 
 " Still, I don't see where the blessed babies 
 come in," objected the Earl. 
 
 "Really, how indelicate," murmured Lady 
 Dun stable, putting her hand behind her ear. 
 
 Lady Slasher quoted from one of her famous 
 essays : " Women are growing wiser. . . . 
 Rakes and profligates of all descriptions they 
 will reject. They will refuse to join themselves 
 to any unless sound in body, mind and morals." 
 
 "I say, you're very dense, My Lord," said 
 Mr. Squibs, turning to the Earl of Dripping- 
 eaves. "When women do the proposing the 
 Millennium will have arrived ; in the Millen- 
 nium the little pigs and the babies will start at 
 the post neck and neck." 
 
 " Bravo ! Hear, hear ! " said a voice on the 
 outskirts of the group which I seemed to recog-
 
 234 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 nize. I turned and my heart leaped into my 
 throat. It was the Marquis of Silsbury, and on 
 his arm leaned the Prince. 
 
 I could not at first believe the evidence of 
 my eyes, it seemed so highly improbable that 
 the Prince of Wales would confer upon Lady 
 Slasher an honor which so many who repre- 
 sented the nobility in their own right had been 
 denied. Then I reflected that this was to all 
 intents and purposes a public gathering. More 
 than two thousand persons were in the grounds 
 an assemblage hardly less democratic than 
 that of which I had been a member at the 
 Ascot races. There was a great stir immedi- 
 ately, but I noticed that the assemblage main- 
 tained strictly its public character. No one 
 save his intimate friends spoke to the Prince. 
 His Royal Highness, after being welcomed by 
 Lady Slasher, spoke a few words with her, and 
 then walked about the grounds with the Duch- 
 ess of Edgecombe, the crowd keeping at a re- 
 spectful distance. 
 
 " Oh, if I could only meet him ! " I said. 
 
 "Who, the Prince?" asked the American 
 Friend. 
 
 " Oh, no ; of course I don't expect that. I 
 mean the Marquis of Silsbury. You haven't
 
 Countess Pipedreme Forgets Herself 235 
 
 forgotten what he said that night at the chop 
 house where we met the man who knew 
 Dickens?" 
 
 "Hardly. By the way, it does look as 
 though now is your time " 
 
 " Look ! " I exclaimed. " He recognizes 
 you ; he is bowing." 
 
 The American Friend returned the Marquis 
 of Silsbury's pleasant salutation, remarking to 
 me: "He hasn't forgotten you, either. See, 
 he is coming this way." 
 
 It was true. The Marquis had started in 
 our direction; but Countess Pipedreme, in- 
 spired by her unaccountable animosity toward 
 me, seemed to divine His Lordship's intention. 
 She dragged Lord Dangerford across the 
 Marquis' path, accosting him gayly in a manner 
 which left a gallant man no choice but to listen 
 to her. I was delighted to notice, however, 
 that His Lordship was not to be balked of his 
 purpose. 
 
 "Come," said the American Friend, giving 
 me a sly look, " we will meet him half way." 
 
 " No, no," I said, feeling that something un- 
 pleasant was about to happen. "It will em- 
 barrass Lord Dangerford. I never saw him BO 
 agitated."
 
 236 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 " What has he to be agitated about ? There 
 is no reason why he should not present you to 
 the Marquis. The Duchess of Edgecombe has 
 received you. Lady Dunstable is your avowed 
 friend what the deuce ! " 
 
 The Countess had raised her shrill voice and 
 was saying : " You meet them everywhere, 
 these stage women, My Lord. There's no keep- 
 ing them in their place." 
 
 They were right upon us. Lord Danger- 
 ford's face crimsoned with anger. He cast a 
 look of contempt upon the Countess, then taking 
 off his hat and bowing, he said : 
 
 "My Lord, permit me to present a most 
 estimable young lady," 
 
 " Arthur ! " exclaimed Countess Pipedreme, 
 stamping her foot with rage. 
 
 /'Whom I respect highly," went on His 
 Lordship, ignoring the Countess' violent pro- 
 test, " Miss Casino." 
 
 "Go to your mistress, then," hissed the 
 Countess, her face livid as she stared at me in- 
 solently and drew her skirts about her. " At 
 least be honest with the Marquis of Silsbury 
 your mistress " 
 
 " Countess," said Lord Dangerford, huskily, 
 " you forget yourself."
 
 Countess Pipedreme Forgets Herself 237 
 
 The Earl of Drippingeaves was passing. 
 
 "My Lord," said Countess Pipedreme, "will 
 you give me your arm?" 
 
 The Earl gave Lord Dangerford a startled 
 glance, offered his arm sheepishly to the Count- 
 ess who, shrugging her shoulders disdainfully, 
 led her new victim to a distant part of the 
 grounds.
 
 CHAPTER XVII 
 
 THE PRINCE SAYS : " HOW DO YOU LIKE ENG- 
 LAND?" 
 
 FOB a single moment I wished that the earth 
 might open and bury me forever. I felt myself 
 swaying, felt the American Friend's grasp on 
 my arm tighten, while in the distance I seemed 
 to hear some one saying how glad he was to 
 make my acquaintance. I was not sure that 
 this sentiment proceeded from the Marquis of 
 Silsbury until I found him bending gallantly 
 above my hand, which he touched to his lips 
 with charming old-fashioned grace. 
 
 Lord Dangerford was smiling, but very pale. 
 With the most admirable tact and delicacy 
 these kind-hearted gentlemen true noblemen, 
 both gave me not a moment for reflection. 
 
 " Bless me, but I haven't felt so peckish in a 
 long time," said the Marquis. " That salad 
 over there fairly hypnotizes me." 
 
 " Lady Slasher's champagne is not to be de- 
 spised, either," said Lord Dangerford. "I 
 don't see why we should allow it to be wasted 
 altogether on a mob like this." 
 238
 
 " How Do You Like England ? " 239 
 
 So they laughingly urged me toward one of 
 the large refreshment tables. On the way we 
 picked up the Honorable Mrs. Pebblestone, 
 while the American Friend wandered off to do 
 missionary work among some newly arrived in- 
 habitants of the United States who had not yet 
 conquered their surprise at the strange customs 
 of the natives. 
 
 Soon the Marquis and I were chattering 
 away as though we had known each other for 
 years, with Lord Dangerford and the Honorable 
 Mrs. Pebblestone chiming in here and there 
 with a laughing comment. I burned to broach 
 the subject that was next my heart. Lady 
 Slasher was smiling upon me from a distance, 
 and nodding significantly. But I had a pre- 
 sentiment that something was shortly to happen 
 that would open the subject naturally. I was 
 eager to open diplomatic negotiations on my 
 country's behalf, but I was restrained by a de- 
 sire to miss no advantage through a too brusque 
 and undiplomatic beginning. 
 
 Presently, while we continued our gay con- 
 versation, and our consumption of the delicacies 
 of Lady Slasher's abundant table, there was a 
 commotion at the entrance to the grounds. The 
 crowd parted with looks of curiosity and a
 
 240 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 young man, looking warm and dusty, came with 
 rapid strides in our direction carrying a port- 
 folio under his arm. The laughing counte- 
 nance of the Marquis settled into its official ex- 
 pression of gravity as he took the portfolio and 
 said: 
 
 " Well, Jamison ? " 
 
 The young man uttered half a dozen words 
 in a low voice. 
 
 " Will you excuse me ? " said His Lordship, 
 with a smile. " It is a dispatch of some im- 
 portance which demands an immediate reply. 
 Do not go " I was rising to leave the table 
 " I've a lot of questions to ask you yet." 
 
 With that the Marquis of Silsbury, upon 
 whose shoulders much of the future weal or 
 woe of England rested, rose and walked toward 
 a deserted portion of the grounds, conversing 
 earnestly with the messenger. 
 
 This incident, which seemed of such trivial 
 importance on its face, was observed with evi- 
 dences of extraordinary interest by the English 
 portion of the assemblage. The foreigners paid 
 only passing attention to it, but Her Majesty's 
 subjects, gathering into groups, appeared to be 
 discussing it with a gravity bordering upon 
 anxiety. Mr. Squibs came up drawing a note*
 
 "How Do You Like England?" 241 
 
 book from his pocket. He asked a dozen ques- 
 tions all in a breath, glancing at me almost 
 pleadingly. 
 
 " You were here when the messenger arrived. 
 What did His Lordship say ? What did he do ? 
 Where is he now? What did the messenger 
 say ? What did he do ? Where did he go ? 
 Has he gone yet ? " 
 
 "No. Yes. No. We don't know. We 
 wouldn't tell if we did," laughed the Honorable 
 Mrs. Pebblestone in the journalist's face. " One 
 would imagine you had been taking lessons 
 from the Yankees, Mr. Squibs." 
 
 " In my opinion that's what we'll all be do- 
 ing presently," said the journalist. 
 
 "Be patient," said I; "the Marquis has 
 withdrawn with the messenger for a few min- 
 utes to answer an important dispatch. He'll be 
 back presently." 
 
 " An important dispatch ? " repeated Mr. 
 Squibs. "Ah, I thought as much. I'd lay a 
 guinea to half a crown it's by cable from Hong 
 Kong." 
 
 " Hong Kong ? " I said, eagerly. " Isn't that 
 the nearest cable communication with Manila ? " 
 
 " Yes ; and also with Great Britain's agents 
 entrusted with the duty of watching Russia's
 
 242 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 secret dickerings with Li Hung Chang," said 
 the journalist. 
 
 " Ah, the Marquis will not be back as soon as 
 we expected," said the Honorable Mrs. Pebble- 
 stone, with her glass leveled in the direction 
 His Lordship had taken on leaving us. 
 
 Every one in our neighborhood seemed to be 
 looking in the same direction that is, all the 
 Englishmen. But there was nothing more re- 
 markable to be seen than the Prince and the 
 Marquis walking about together, while the mes- 
 senger followed at a short distance. 
 
 " I win," said Mr. Squibs, excitedly. " It's 
 the Chinese frontier." 
 
 " Dear me," said I, disappointed, " I was in 
 hopes it was the Philippines." 
 
 " There's no hurry about the Philippines, with 
 your Dewey still on the bridge of his flag- 
 ship. We'll look into that matter later per- 
 haps. But the Chinese frontier is our own af- 
 fair and it's urgent." 
 
 "Does it mean war between England and 
 Russia ? " I asked, hopefully. 
 
 " It does unless Russia keeps her hands off." 
 
 " In case of war so far away from home," I said, 
 insinuatingly, " England will need help, won't 
 she more battleships, and expert gunners?"
 
 " How Do You Like England ? " 243 
 
 " That's the idea, exactly," said Mr. Squibs. 
 " If we go to war with Russia on the Chinese 
 frontier question there's no telling what may 
 happen. The alliance will probably go to 
 pieces, and there'll be the devil to pay gener- 
 ally." 
 
 " Oh, well, don't worry," said I. " By that 
 time we will have whipped Spain and will come 
 over and help you out." 
 
 "I say," said Mr. Squibs, with a grin, "you 
 tell that to the Marquis of Silsbury." 
 
 At this moment His Lordship seemed to be 
 noticing with annoyance the interest his move- 
 ments had created in the minds of Lady Slash- 
 er's guests. He said a word or two to the 
 Prince, who smiled, and both joined the Duch- 
 ess of Edgecombe, who was walking with Lord 
 Dunstable. After a short conversation Lord 
 Dunstable came over and said to me loudly 
 enough for every one within a dozen yards to 
 hear: 
 
 "Miss Casino, Her Grace, the Duchess of 
 Edgecombe wishes to present you to the 
 Prince." 
 
 Mr. Squibs put up his note-book. " It can't 
 be the Chinese frontier after all," he said, and 
 walked away, evidently much relieved.
 
 244 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 " It is the Chinese frontier," I said to myself, 
 "and my presentation to the Prince is the 
 Marquis of Silsbury's cute way of making Lady 
 Slasher's guests forget all about his dispatch." 
 
 As I took Lord Dunstable's arm and hastened 
 to obey the Duchess of Edgecombe's flattering 
 command I noticed that all eyes were upon me. 
 The Marquis of Silsbury's dispatch was already 
 forgotten. 
 
 It was worth all I had suffered that after- 
 noon to see among the envious glances turned 
 upon me that of Countess Pipedreme, her 
 enameled features twisted into an expression 
 of mingled hatred, malice and consternation 
 which I shall never forget. 
 
 The Duchess of Edgecombe left the Prince's 
 side, and, advancing a few steps to meet us, 
 placed her arm about my shoulders as though 
 I had been her own daughter. I caught one 
 more glimpse of Countess Pipedreme's wrath- 
 ful countenance as she turned and quickly left 
 that part of the grounds. Her face was drawn 
 and haggard ; she seemed to have grown years 
 older. 
 
 "My dear," the Duchess was saying, "the 
 Prince has heard you sing at the theatre. His 
 Royal Highness admires you greatly. But his
 
 "The Prince had heard me sing." Page 244.
 
 " How Do You Like England ? " 245 
 
 mind is occupied with very serious matters to- 
 day, so do not feel hurt if he seems to lack the 
 interest in you which I assure you he feels." 
 
 The Prince smiled and held out his hand as 
 the Duchess mentioned my name. There was 
 just then another surprised movement of the 
 crowd at the entrance to the grounds, but I 
 was too perturbed over the great honor being 
 conferred upon me to notice that a second mes- 
 senger was approaching, this one wearing the 
 Prince's livery. 
 
 " Very glad, I'm sure," said His Royal High- 
 ness. "How do you like England?" 
 
 Before I could command my scattered wits 
 to make an intelligible reply to this important 
 question, the Prince had bowed his apologies 
 and turned to receive what the messenger had 
 brought. 
 
 The Marquis of Silsbury offered me his arm, 
 as much as to say : " Shall we leave His Royal 
 Highness free to issue his commands?" 
 
 As by an inspiration I saw that the time was 
 now ripe for my entrance into the arena of 
 diplomacy. I took the Marquis' arm, and as 
 we strolled among the shrubbery I felt my 
 brain clear and my heart beating strong and 
 steadily the brain and heart of a victor !
 
 CHAPTER XVIII 
 
 MY DIPLOMATIC RELATIONS 
 
 " WELL," said the Marquis, smiling quiz- 
 zically down upon me, " how do you like Eng- 
 land? I will take great pleasure in reporting 
 your answer to His Royal Highness." 
 
 " I think I answered that question, with more 
 energy than courtesy, perhaps, upon the occa- 
 sion of our first meeting, My Lord." 
 
 " I remember perfectly. You find it difficult 
 to give your entire confidence to a nation that 
 does not appreciate its own Dickens." 
 
 "Since then," I hastened to reply, "I've been 
 thinking over what Your Lordship said." 
 
 "Ah! Your memory, then, is better than 
 my own." 
 
 " Your Lordship made quite a little speech. 
 It contained both commendation and rebuke. 
 I remember it word for word. You said : ' My 
 dear young lady, you will think better of us. 
 I hope to live to see the day when America 
 and England do stand shoulder to shoulder, for 
 civilization and humanity, as you well express 
 
 246
 
 My Diplomatic Relations 247 
 
 it, against the rest of the world.' Then came 
 Your Lordship's rebuke : ' It is a pity that you, 
 who have such clear perceptions of what is 
 natural, and what is calculated to most benefit 
 humanity, should not bend your talents toward 
 their realization instead of allowing yourself 
 to become incensed over small differences of 
 temperament.' " 
 
 " Whew ! Did I say all that ? " 
 
 " Every word of it." 
 
 "And you've been thinking it over?" 
 
 " It has never been out of my mind." 
 
 " And with what result? " 
 
 " Your Lordship's rebuke struck home. Why 
 shouldn't I love England ? Isn't she of my own 
 flesh and blood?" 
 
 " By the same token," said the Marquis, 
 "why shouldn't you indulge in small family 
 quarrels with her about Dickens, for example ? 
 I dare say you have little differences with your 
 own sisters perhaps, even, with your mother. 
 Most people do." 
 
 " The rebuke was just and I have profited by 
 it," I said ; then, looking the Marquis squarely 
 in the eyes, I inquired, pointedly : " Was Your 
 Lordship equally in earnest when you said that 
 you hoped to live to see the day when England
 
 248 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 and America would stand shoulder to shoulder 
 for " 
 
 " Softly, softly," broke in the Marquis of 
 Silsbury, with a comically apprehensive glance 
 at a party of guests strolling near. " Softly, I 
 beg of you. Just now I saw you being inter- 
 viewed by Squibs of the Gazette. What I said 
 was not for publication." 
 
 " Why not? " I asked, boldly. 
 
 " What if the public mind is not yet ripe for 
 that sort of talk ? Seventy -six and Eighteen- 
 fourteen are not so very far in the background, 
 you know. Who among us has not yet for- 
 gotten and forgiven ? That is the question." 
 
 " Small family quarrels, Your Lordship." 
 
 The Marquis threw up his hands with an- 
 other comical gesture as I quoted from his own 
 lips. 
 
 "We have forgotten we, the disobedient 
 children; it is unworthy of you, the parent, not 
 to forgive." 
 
 " Come, now," said His Lordship, stopping 
 short and looking down upon me reflectively, 
 " would you have England and America enter 
 into a treaty of alliance ? " 
 
 " No," I answered, with emphasis. 
 
 "No?"
 
 My Diplomatic Relations 249 
 
 " Certainly not." 
 
 " Dear me, dear me," said His Lordship, look- 
 ing quite perplexed. "We have commercial 
 treaties, a treaty on the fisheries question " 
 
 " Father and son may contract to exchange 
 the product of their labor," I interrupted with 
 warmth ; " but whoever heard of father and son 
 signing an agreement to defend each other's life 
 and property ? " 
 
 " Good," said the Marquis, frankly. " Exactly 
 the argument I've used all along." 
 
 "In the present instance," I continued, elo- 
 quently, quite forgetting that I was talking to 
 the craftiest statesman in Europe, " the life and 
 property of the father is in greater need of de- 
 fence than those of the son. America's only 
 entanglement is with Spain. Who doubts what 
 the result will be ? England, on the contrary, on 
 whose possessions the sun never sets, is threat- 
 ened everywhere. She is threatened even by 
 those whom she had compelled to bind them- 
 selves to her in writing. These documents 
 would be the first to turn to ashes in the con- 
 flagration which will result from the first match 
 accidentally ignited or," I added as His Lord- 
 ship's messenger showed his face for an instant 
 as though to determine whether he was wanted,
 
 250 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 " when Russia actually enters China by the back 
 door she has opened at such vast expense." 
 
 His Lordship gave me a queer look. " Haven't 
 you missed your vocation, Miss Casino ? Really, 
 the stage is not worthy of such talents as yours." 
 
 " How else would I have been able to meet 
 Your Lordship ? " I retorted. 
 
 The Marquis reflected a moment and then 
 said: 
 
 "And do you really think our lusty son, 
 America, would hasten to his parent's, Eng- 
 land's, defence in her hour of need ? " 
 
 " Why not ? It would be a natural and filial 
 act particularly as the parent would have 
 made in the meantime overtures for a reconcil- 
 iation." 
 
 " Overtures ? What's that ? " demanded His 
 Lordship, turning upon me sharply. 
 
 " Of course," I answered, composedly, " in all 
 family quarrels it is the place of the elder to 
 first hold out the hand of peace." 
 
 His Lordship doffed his hat and made me a 
 low bow. " My dear young lady, your argu- 
 ment for your side of the general proposition is 
 complete. It is unanswerable. If you can dis- 
 pose of the details as readily, as convincingly, 
 you've a better head for statecraft than any of
 
 My Diplomatic Relations 251 
 
 us. Proceed ; I listen with the deepest inter- 
 est, I assure you." 
 
 " I am very grateful, My Lord. I had not 
 hoped to interest you ; only, perhaps, to acci- 
 dentally let fall a word that would suggest to 
 Your Lordship the natural and logical course 
 for England to pursue in her relations with the 
 United States from this on. A child might do 
 that. The simplest way is the best, for you are 
 dealing, as you have just admitted, not with 
 the representatives of the people, but with the 
 people direct. Have you any doubt that Your 
 Lordship and the President of the United States 
 are of the same mind concerning the matter?" 
 
 " What desperate advantage do you purpose 
 taking of me if I make that important admis- 
 sion ? " demanded the Marquis. 
 
 "Then we are agreed on that point," I went 
 on, calmly. " Now as to the people. Possibly 
 Your Lordship may not be aware that the peo- 
 ple of the United States are bursting with 
 pride over the recent achievements of their 
 brave sailors ? " 
 
 "I can understand that that must be so." 
 
 "That we are dying to have our courage 
 and our strength acknowledged and proclaimed 
 everywhere ? "
 
 252 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 " That is natural." 
 
 " And that especially we thirst for that recog- 
 nition which is the sweetest of all parental ap- 
 proval. We want the people of England to 
 say : ' Bully boys ! We're proud of you ! ' " 
 
 " From all accounts that is exactly what the 
 people of England are saying," admitted the 
 Marquis of Silsbury. 
 
 " Then there's nothing more for me to say," 
 said I. 
 
 "Eh? What's that?" The Marquis planted 
 his feet solidly in the path and confronted me. 
 
 " Your Lordship is the voice of the people," 
 I said. " Now we are agreed what that voice 
 is, all Your Lordship has to do is to make it 
 heard." 
 
 " But the provocation the shadow of an ex- 
 cuse " 
 
 " If an honest desire to bestow praise where 
 praise is due is not excuse enough," I inter- 
 rupted, " there is the practical provocation of 
 self-interest. The bad news you have just re- 
 ceived cannot long be kept from the public, 
 and" 
 
 "Bad news?" repeated His Lordship, with 
 an innocent expression : "what bad news?" 
 
 " The news from Hong Kong your messenger
 
 My Diplomatic Relations 253 
 
 brought a little while ago, about Russian ag- 
 gressions in China " 
 
 " What a lovely day it is," said the Marquis. 
 
 " All the English among Lady Slasher's guests 
 are discussing it," I persisted ; " Mr. Squibs was 
 sending a dispatch to the Gazette about it before 
 your messenger had been here five minutes." 
 
 I thought for the fraction of a minute that 
 the Marquis looked uneasy. Presently he said, 
 gravely : 
 
 " My news is bad for you bad for the United 
 States. Austria is secretly sending large sums 
 of money to Spain. France and Germany note 
 her action with approval. There is a persist- 
 ent effort to compel England to unite with the 
 other Powers in forcing the United States to 
 end the war with Spain." 
 
 " My Lord," I said, composedly, though the 
 Marquis' words filled me with dismay, "the 
 United States cannot be forced. No one should 
 know that better than Your Lordship." 
 
 The Marquis of Silsbury held out his hand. 
 "You are a worthy representative of your 
 country, my child. I believe that you are dis- 
 creet as well as wise. I will therefore be honest 
 with you. It was the Prince's messenger that 
 brought the news I have just given you. As
 
 254 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 to that brought by my own messenger, you are 
 right; it is from Hong Kong; the Russians are 
 pushing their advantage to a point which Eng- 
 land cannot tolerate." 
 
 "And the Powers have received the same 
 news," I cried, eagerly. " They are taking ad- 
 vantage of England's necessity to turn her 
 against the United States in Spain's behalf. 
 Oh, if I could change places with Your Lord- 
 ship for five minutes, I would, without touch- 
 ing pen to paper, without performing a single 
 official act, teach Austria, Germany, France, 
 and the rest of Europe such a lesson as will 
 keep them henceforth well out of the range of 
 American guns, glad to be permitted to manage 
 their own affairs." 
 
 "I am open to conviction," said the Marquis. 
 
 " Say publicly what you said to me upon the 
 occasion of our first meeting, and which I re- 
 peated to Your Lordship a moment ago. Say 
 for yourself what the people are saying all over 
 England. Say that the Anglo-Saxon race can- 
 not be divided against itself." 
 
 " When and where will I find a natural op- 
 portunity to say such a thing? " 
 
 " Now. Here. You would have an audience 
 the most cosmopolitan of its size ever assembled
 
 My Diplomatic Relations 255 
 
 in London. To-morrow morning all .the world 
 would understand that the British Navy stands 
 guard over American rights among nations ; 
 and that the new great sea power will not 
 prove ungrateful when England is threatened 
 in the East." 
 
 Before the Marquis of Silsbury could reply 
 the Duchess of Edgecombe had rejoined us. 
 
 "My Lord," said the Duchess, "the Prince 
 begs that you will advise him respecting the 
 dispatch he wishes to return by the messenger." 
 
 "Pardon, and congratulations," said the 
 Marquis, smiling encouragingly upon me, as he 
 departed to answer the summons of His Royal 
 Highness. 
 
 The Marquis had hardly turned his back 
 when Mr. Squibs swooped down upon us, say- 
 ing to the Duchess : 
 
 "Begging Your Grace's pardon, between 
 Royalty and Nobility the Press is being sacri- 
 ficed in the most abominable manner. I de- 
 mand that Miss Casino be given up to me forth- 
 with." 
 
 " Take her, if she's willing," laughed the 
 Duchess. 
 
 Having already assigned to Mr. Squibs, in 
 my mind, the important task of giving publicity
 
 256 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 to such fruit as might be borne by my diplo- 
 matic relations, I welcomed the journalist's 
 proposition. Leaving the Duchess, we re- 
 turned to the neighborhood of the main re- 
 freshment table. 
 
 By this time the agitation of the English 
 portion of Lady Slasher's guests seemed to 
 have been communicated to all the others. All 
 eyes were turned on the Prince and the Mar- 
 quis, who walked about, conversing earnestly. 
 
 "Something is going to happen," said Mr. 
 Squibs; "I can feel it coming. What were 
 you and the Marquis talking about so ear- 
 nestly ? " 
 
 " Our conversation was strictly confidential," 
 I said, " except that I suggested to His Lord- 
 ship what a fine thing it would be if he would 
 make a speech." 
 
 "I say, there's an idea," said Mr. Squibs, 
 becoming quite excited. " Excuse me for one 
 moment." 
 
 The journalist got up and joined a group of 
 young Englishmen, to whom he said something 
 which seemed to please them mightily. Then 
 he rejoined me and said: 
 
 " That was a good stroke of business. By 
 jove ! We haven't long to wait, either. The
 
 My Diplomatic Relations 257 
 
 Prince and the Marquis are coming this way. 
 Ps-s-t, ps-s-t ! " The journalist seemed to be 
 issuing some sort of command to his fellow con- 
 spirators. They responded shortly by taking 
 off their hats and shouting : 
 
 " Long live the Prince of Wales ! " 
 
 The Prince bowed and smiled. Instantly 
 people began to gather from, all parts of the 
 grounds. 
 
 " Marquis of Silsbury ! " shouted the young 
 men. " Speech ! Speech ! " 
 
 Believing that the psychological moment had 
 arrived I began clapping my hands with all my 
 might. Mr. Squibs followed suit. The Hon- 
 orable Mrs. Pebblestone, raising her glass, 
 glanced at the gathering multitude and began 
 to clap her hands also. Presently the hand 
 clapping became general. At a smiling gesture 
 from the Prince the Marquis of Silsbury raised 
 his hat and bowed to the crowd where it was 
 thickest. 
 
 " He's going to do it," said Mr. Squibs, ex- 
 citedly. " What the deuce have I done with 
 ray note-book. By jove, I've lost it I " 
 
 This calamity seemed to paralyze all the 
 journalist's faculties. But the sound of the 
 Marquis' voice galvanized them into instant
 
 258 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 action. Mr. Squibs, with a muttered word of 
 apology to me, tore open his white waistcoat 
 and began scribbling little curves, dashes and 
 pot hooks like mad up and down his shirt 
 front. 
 
 Lightly and wittily, yet with an undercurrent 
 of earnestness which could not be mistaken, the 
 Marquis began a eulogy of the Anglo-Saxon 
 race. Some Americans divined what was com- 
 ing and began cheering. 
 
 " It's coming," said Mr. Squibs, as he hastily 
 sharpened his pencil. 
 
 " What is coming ? " I asked. 
 
 " The Marquis' long contemplated unofficial 
 suggestion of a tacit alliance between England 
 and the United States. I was right about the 
 dispatch after all. It was from Hong Kong. It 
 is high time Russia, and the rest of the world 
 should know where England stands. Excuse 
 me." 
 
 The cheering having subsided the Marquis 
 resumed and Mr. Squibs went on decorating his 
 shirt front. The interest of the crowd was in- 
 tense. The Marquis was making identically the 
 same argument I had used a few minutes before. 
 It seemed to me wonderful that I should 
 actually have had a hand in bringing this thing
 
 My Diplomatic Relations 259 
 
 about. Every moment His Lordship was inter- 
 rupted by applause which was no less hearty on 
 the part of the English than of the Americans. 
 
 " By jove ! This is history," said Mr. Squibs, 
 his pencil flying faster and faster. 
 
 I shall not attempt to describe the enthusiasm 
 with which Lady Slasher's guests received the 
 Marquis' peroration. It was couched in almost 
 the exact words which, at our first accidental 
 meeting, had launched me on my diplomatic 
 career. The Americans flung their hats into 
 the air and shook hands with the English 
 guests. The Prince patted the Marquis smil- 
 ingly on the shoulder, and all the titled person- 
 ages present deluged him with congratulations. 
 
 As for Mr. Squibs, we saw no more of him 
 that day. He caught the first train for London, 
 and long before the Gazette's presses were ready 
 to flood London with the great news, the pot 
 hooks on Mr. Squibs' shirt front had been 
 translated into cable messages that were in the 
 hands of half the editors in America by the 
 time Lady Slasher's guests had departed. 
 
 Twelve hours later all the world knew that 
 England and the United States understood 
 each other ; that the enemies of one might ex- 
 pect to have to reckon with the other ; that
 
 260 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 there would be no outside interference in our 
 war with Spain. 
 
 The Marquis of Silsbury's speech is already 
 history, though history is silent respecting the 
 part I played in the matter. Whether or not 
 I am entitled to any credit for the part I played 
 I am entirely satisfied to leave to the intelligent 
 judgment of my readers.
 
 CHAPTER XIX 
 
 I DECIDE NOT TO BECOME A MARCHIONESS 
 
 PRUE had been cross with me all the even- 
 ing. While dressing me for the third act her 
 conduct, considering her position, became scan- 
 dalous. Finally I was compelled to have it out 
 with her. 
 
 " I am not conscious of having committed any 
 crime," I said, taking the brush from Prue's 
 hand and proceeding to arrange my own hair ; 
 "my conscience is clear; really I don't look 
 upon my life as having been lived in vain. If 
 your opinion is to the contrary, for heaven's 
 sake speak up. Don't stand about glowering 
 at me as though I were a murderess." 
 
 "If this keeps up," said my companion, 
 gloomily, "we shall have to take a larger 
 house." 
 
 "If what keeps up?" 
 
 " This affair with Lord Dangerford." 
 
 "If you have an 'affair' with Lord Danger- 
 ford, Prue, I'd advise you to drop it. If you 
 261
 
 262 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 mean to insinuate that I have an affair with 
 anybody, Lord Dangerford not excepted, you 
 are wasting your breath." 
 
 " Another dray load of African plunder came 
 this morning," growled Prue. " There is a 
 stack of heathen fighting tools, spears and such 
 like, that half fills the dining-room. There's a 
 rhinoceros horn in the front hall that every- 
 body falls over, an umbrella stand made out of 
 an elephant's foot there's no place for except 
 in the parlor, not to mention the skins of wild 
 animals and the cooking utensils of savages 
 strewn about so thick that you can't see the 
 carpet. Either we must take a larger house or 
 have an auction sale." 
 
 "You may look for a larger house, then," 
 said I, " and let us hear no more about it. I 
 appreciate these attentions on the part of Lord 
 Dangerford most highly. I regard them in the 
 light of the highest tribute which London has 
 paid to my qualities as an artist. Nothing that 
 Lord Dangerford has sent me is unworthy of a 
 place in the British Museum." 
 
 Whatever rejoinder Prue had in her mind 
 was denied expression by the explosive entrance 
 of Tommy Atkins, who said, as she plunged 
 head foremost into the room:
 
 Not to Become a Marchioness 263 
 
 "Mr. Squibs has great news; he wants to 
 know if he may come in ? " 
 
 My third act toilet being now practically 
 complete, the journalist was invited to enter. 
 
 "Mr. Squibs," I said, gayly, "I hope you 
 properly appreciate the privilege of being al- 
 lowed to call upon a diplomatist of my stand- 
 ing in her dressing-room a privilege which 
 only yourself, the American Friend and Lord 
 Dangerford " 
 
 " Speaking of Lord Dangerford," interrupted 
 Mr. Squibs, " there is no such person. The old 
 Marquis of Tidewater died a week ago. The 
 title and the estates have descended to his 
 grandson." 
 
 "And is Countess Pipedreme already a 
 Marchioness ? " I enquired. " Or will she wait 
 until after the funeral before seizing her prey ? " 
 
 " Good," laughed the journalist ; " then I am 
 the first to bring you the news after all. I was 
 half afraid some one else had already had that 
 honor. Countess Pipedreme is ahem is no 
 longer in society." 
 
 " What do you mean by that?" 
 
 " It appears that the Countess and Danger- 
 ford had some sort of a quarrel at Lady Slash- 
 er's Garden Party, in which Dangerford's
 
 264 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 guardian, the Marquis of Silsbury figured, 
 and" 
 
 " The Marquis of Silsbury Lord Dangerford's 
 guardian ? " I exclaimed, beginning to see the 
 solution of a great mystery. 
 
 " Yes. His Lordship and the old Marquis of 
 Tidewater an eccentric old fellow who buried 
 himself in the country a dozen years ago were 
 college chums. Tidewater made Silsbury trus- 
 tee of his estates, and executor of a will in which 
 there was some sort of stipulation respecting 
 the lady Dangerford should select for his wife. 
 It has always been understood that Silsbury 
 enjoyed large powers in this respect, and that 
 Countess Pipedreme had convinced him of the 
 superiority of her claims." 
 
 " Ah ! " said I, more light breaking in upon 
 me. 
 
 " The Countess always took particular pains 
 to convince Silsbury that she was the only 
 woman Dangerford had ever bothered his head 
 about. Until you came upon the scene at Lady 
 Slasher's the Marquis had never seen Danger- 
 ford assert himself with respect to any other 
 woman. Perhaps you noticed something ? 
 There was talk of a scene in which you fig- 
 ured."
 
 Not to Become a Marchioness 265; 
 
 I felt my cheeks burning, BO I merely nodded, 
 and Mr. Squibs went on : 
 
 " At any rate, the Marquis took a great fancy 
 to you, as everybody knows, and the Countess 
 had tantrums all the rest of the afternoon. Lon- 
 don hasn't seen her since." 
 
 " Will London be able to survive the loss of 
 Countess Pipedreme ? " I asked. 
 
 "Probably," laughed the journalist, "con- 
 sidering that the Earl of Drippingeaves " 
 
 "The Earl of Drippingeaves missing, too? 
 Then I was not mistaken after all." 
 
 " What did you see ? What have you heard? " 
 demanded Mr. Squibs. "The Gazette's infor- 
 mation is only fragmentary, as yet." 
 
 "Countess Pipedreme and the Earl of Drip- 
 pingeaves got lost among Lady Slasher's shrub- 
 bery," I said. "Walking with the American 
 Friend, I came upon them suddenly. They 
 were much confused." 
 
 " Then our correspondent at Havre was not 
 mistaken," said Mr. Squibs, with satisfaction. 
 
 "You mean that?" 
 
 " Countess Pipedreme and the Earl of Drip- 
 pingeaves have eloped." 
 
 " Poor Drippingeaves ! " said I.
 
 266 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 Whereupon Mr. Squibs, much elated, took 
 his leave. 
 
 As Tommy Atkins and I left my room to be 
 ready for the rise of the curtain on the third 
 act we nearly ran into Lord Dangerford now 
 the young Marquis of Tidewater who was 
 standing in the wings. 
 
 "Good evening," said the Marquis. "The 
 manager said I might bring around the news. 
 The Marquis of Silsbury's speech at Lady 
 Slasher's has had the most extraordinary effect. 
 There is no more talk about interference be- 
 tween the United States and Spain. In diplo- 
 matic circles it is taken for granted that Eng- 
 land and the United States, in this affair at 
 least, are to be considered as one nation." 
 
 At this good news Tommy Atkins danced a 
 few steps to the accompaniment of swishing 
 skirts, winked wickedly at His Lordship, and 
 ran away, leaving us together quite alone. 
 
 "There's something else I've been wanting 
 to say for a long time," began His Lordship in 
 his hesitating way, "only I couldn't seem to find 
 the opportunity." 
 
 " And I, My Lord, I feel that I have never 
 properly acknowledged your many kindnesses. 
 Believe me, my gratitude is too deep for words."
 
 "Winked wickedly at His Lordship." Page 266.
 
 Not to Become a Marchioness 267 
 
 " On the contrary, Miss Casino, the obliga- 
 tion is all on my side. Before I met you I had 
 a positive distaste for society ; I cared only for 
 my guns and the wild life of the jungle. No^- 
 I feel that with your help I can do what my 
 late guardian, the Marquis of Silsbury, so ear- 
 nestly desires me to do remain in England, look 
 after my estates, take my seat in parliament. 
 Excuse me if I am too abrupt. I am not used 
 to expressing my thoughts in words. Miss 
 Casino, I have called to beg you to marry me 
 to ask you to become the Marchioness of 
 Tidewater." 
 
 So completely was I taken by surprise that I 
 was unable for a moment to even properly ac- 
 knowledge the great honor bestowed upon me. 
 I could think of myself only as a poor singing 
 girl, standing there in my stage clothes, insig- 
 nificant, almost laughable. So without think- 
 ing, I blurted out : 
 
 " Do I look like a Marchioness ? " 
 
 His Lordship smiled at me reproachfully. 
 
 " Many a Duchess would exchange her title 
 for your beauty." 
 
 Though I knew that I must send His Lord- 
 ship away, I could not help asking : 
 
 " But what of Countess Pipedreme?"
 
 268 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 "Poor Countess! I fear she is altogether 
 lost. But I beg you to believe that it is not 
 wholly my fault." 
 
 " My Lord," I said, " your conduct at Lady 
 Slasher's was noble. I shall always love you 
 for it." 
 
 No one was near us. I allowed the Marquis 
 to touch my hand with his lips. 
 
 " I owe it to you," he went on, " to explain 
 my relations with Countess Pipedreme. My 
 youth was spent mostly in the country. The 
 Countess was the only woman of society I met. 
 She appealed to my boyish fancy. My grand- 
 father was pleased. I promised to marry her. 
 Except for our quarrel at Lady Slasher's and 
 its sad consequences for the Countess " 
 
 " Do not reproach yourself on Countess Pipe- 
 dreme's account," I interrupted; "it was al- 
 ready known that she was unworthy of you." 
 
 " So I have heard. Poor Countess !" Then 
 His Lordship looked at me with real trouble in 
 his honest eyes and asked : 
 
 " Am I to blame ? Should I have protected 
 her against " 
 
 " My Lord," I hastened to say, " I have never 
 known you to do anything, never heard of your 
 doing anything, that was not honest, manly,
 
 Not to Become a Marchioness 269 
 
 noble. I am proud I shall always be proud 
 to be your friend." 
 
 " Nothing more ? " I was sure His Lordship 
 lost color as he asked the question. " Do you 
 mean that you are going to send me back to 
 the jungle with my guns? " 
 
 "The English girls are lovely," I said with 
 enthusiasm. " Those in your own station in 
 life are divinely beautiful and charming. You 
 have but to choose among them " 
 
 The curtain was up ; my cue was imminent. 
 I gave the Marquis of Tidewater my hand. 
 
 " Be my friend," I said. " I love too many 
 to think of marrying/* 
 
 " Too many ! " 
 
 "My heart is full of them. I love them. I 
 yearn for them. I dream of them. They wear 
 the blue jackets of our navy. They stand be- 
 hind our guns at Manila, at Santiago. I adore 
 them. I pray for them. Oh, My Lord, I am 
 hopelessly American. Forgive me." 
 
 His Lordship's face was now quite pale. He 
 touched my hand and turned away. 
 
 " Good-bye." 
 
 " Good-bye." And he was gone. 
 
 Then came my cue, from the orchestra, and 
 the applause with which these generous Lon-
 
 270 The Casino Girl in London 
 
 doners greeted it nightly. As I responded I 
 fitted the inspiring notes to their words the 
 noblest couplet ever penned by a patriot sing- 
 ing in my heart : 
 
 The Star Spangled Banner, oh, long may it wave 
 O'er the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave ! 
 
 THE END.
 
 tamo, cloth, $1.25 
 
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