etymological society, so the Limerick has, by leaning 
 upon the arm of Lear and Miss Wells, ascended to 
 an enviable position, and is welcomed wherever 
 good verse is appreciated. We here present it and 
 stand aside that it may make its best bow. 
 
 The first representative Limerick, according to 
 Mr. Stanton Vaughn, was that beginning "There 
 was a young man of St. Kitts," written about 
 1834. Lear is said to have derived his inspira- 
 tion in 1846 from that gem of Mother Goose, 
 "There was an old man of Tobago," a favorite 
 also of old Lady Tippins and the redoubtable Eugene. 
 Since Lear's day the trend has been away from 
 nonsense, and of those who would substitute wit a 
 few have met with conspicuous success. To these 
 gifted writers, Edward Lear, Cosmo Monkhouse, 
 Carolyn Wells, Oliver Herford, Gelett Burgess, 
 and others whose names we have diligently striven 
 to discover, we are indebted and grateful. Limericks 
 do "achieve an enormous circulation verbally," 
 and for this reason it has been difficult to trace 
 authorship and accurate text. To forgiving authors 
 and an indulgent public we commit the result of 
 our labors.
 
 THE SMILE 
 ON THE FACE OF THE TIGER
 
 There was a young man of St. Kitts, 
 Who was very much troubled with fits ; 
 The eclipse of the moon 
 Threw him into a swoon ; 
 When he tumbled and broke into bits.
 
 m 
 
 There was an old man of Tobago, 
 Who lived on rice, gruel, and sago ; 
 Till much to his bliss 
 His physician said this 
 44 To a leg, sir, of mutton you may go."
 
 VI 
 
 There once was a lady from Guam, 
 
 Who said, " Now the sea is so calm 
 
 I will swim, for a lark ; " 
 
 But she met with a shark. 
 
 Let us now sing the ninetieth psalm.
 
 VII 
 
 I'd rather have fingers than toes, 
 I'd rather have ears than a nose, 
 And as for my hair, 
 I'm glad it's all there, 
 I'll be awfully sad when it goes.
 
 There was an old man who said, " Do 
 Tell me how Fm to add two and two ? 
 
 Pm not very sure 
 
 That it doesn't make four 
 But I fear that is almost too few/'
 
 XI 
 
 There was a young woman named Sue, 
 Who wanted to catch the 2.02; 
 
 Said the trainman, " Don't hurry 
 
 Or flurry or worry ; 
 It's a minute or two to 2.02."
 
 XIV 
 
 There was a young lady of Truro, 
 Who wished a mahogany bureau, 
 But they said to her, " God 
 On the length of Cape Cod 
 Couldn't raise a mahogany bureau!"
 
 XV 
 
 A fellow named Teddy Magee, 
 
 Rolling homeward one night from a spree, 
 Met the parson, who said, 
 "Ah! drunk again, Ted!" 
 
 " Sho'm /, parson/' gurgled Magee.
 
 xvni 
 
 There was a young lady of Crete, 
 Who was so exceedingly neat, 
 When she got out of bed 
 She stood on her head, 
 To make sure of not soiling her feet.
 
 XIX 
 
 There was an old maid of Shanghai, 
 Who was so exceedingly shy, 
 When undressing at night, 
 She turned out the light, 
 For fear of the All Seeing Eye.
 
 XXII 
 
 I wish that my room had a floor ; 
 
 I don't so much care for a door; 
 But this crawling around 
 Without touching the ground 
 
 Is getting to be quite a bore.
 
 xxni 
 
 There was an old man of Tarentum, 
 Who chewed on his teeth till he bent ' 
 And when asked for the cost 
 Of what were not " lost " 
 Said, "I really can't tell, for I rent 'e
 
 XXVI 
 
 A sleeper from the Amazon 
 Put nighties of his gra'mazon 
 
 The reason, that 
 
 He was too fat 
 To get his own pajamazon.
 
 XXVII 
 
 There was a man in Henderson, 
 Who had a tall and slenderson, 
 
 A human rail, 
 
 Who used a nail, 
 To fasten his suspenderson.
 
 xxvni 
 
 There was a man in Atchison, 
 Whose trousers had rough patchison ; 
 
 He found them great, 
 
 He'd often state, 
 To scratch his parlor matchison.
 
 XXDC 
 
 A silly young fellow named Hyde, 
 In a funeral procession was spied ; 
 
 When asked, " Who is dead?" 
 
 He giggled and said, 
 44 1 don't know ; I just came for the ride."
 
 XXX 
 
 There was an old man in a hearse, 
 Who murmured, " This might have been 
 worse; 
 
 Of course the expense 
 
 Is simply immense, 
 But it doesn't come out of my purse/'
 
 XXXI 
 
 There was a young man of Fort Blainey, 
 Who proposed to a typist named Janey : 
 
 When his friends said, " Oh, dear ! 
 
 She's so old and so queer ! " 
 He replied, " But the day was so rainy ! "
 
 XXXII 
 
 There was a young man from the West, 
 Who loved a young lady with zest ; 
 So hard did he press her 
 To make her say, " Yes, sir," 
 That he broke three cigars in his vest.
 
 xxxin 
 
 There was a young sailor of Lyd, 
 Who loved a fair Japanese kid ; 
 When it came to good-bye, 
 They were eager but shy, 
 So they put up a sunshade and did.
 
 XXXIV 
 
 There once was a maiden of Siam, 
 Who said to her lover, young Kiam, 
 
 " If you kiss me, of course 
 
 You will have to use force, 
 But God knows you're stronger than I am."
 
 XXXV 
 
 There once was an old man of Lyme, 
 Who married three wives at a time : 
 When asked, "Why a third?" 
 He replied, " One's absurd ! 
 And bigamy, sir, is a crime/'
 
 XXXVI 
 
 There once was an old kangaroo, 
 Who painted his children sky-blue ; 
 When his wife said, " My dear, 
 Don't you think they look queer ? " 
 He replied, "I don't know but they do/'
 
 xxxvn 
 
 There once was a maid of Japan, 
 
 Who married a Hottentot man; 
 The maid she was yellow, 
 Black as coal was the fellow, 
 
 And their children were all black and tan.
 
 XXXVIH 
 
 There was a young man of Dunbar, 
 Who playfully poisoned his Ma ; 
 When he'd finished his work, 
 He remarked with a smirk, 
 " This will cause quite a family jar/*
 
 XXXIX 
 
 There was an old lady of Brooking, 
 Who had a great genius for cooking ; 
 
 She could bake sixty pies 
 
 All of quite the same size, 
 And tell which was which without looking.
 
 XL 
 
 A joiner of intellect crude 
 
 Said, "Why not use sawdust for food? 
 
 It's cheap by the ton, 
 
 And it nourishes one, 
 And that's the chief object of food/'
 
 XLI 
 
 There once was a girl of New York, 
 Whose body was lighter than cork; 
 She had to be fed 
 For six weeks upon lead, 
 Before she went out for a walk*
 
 XLII 
 
 For beauty I am not a star, 
 
 There are others more handsome by far .* 
 
 But my face ; I don't mind it, 
 
 For I am behind it ; 
 It's the people in front that I jar.
 
 XLIII 
 
 A father once said to his son, 
 " The next time you make up a pun t 
 Go out in the yard 
 And kick yourself hard, 
 And I will begin when you've done."
 
 XLIV 
 
 There was an old woman of Tweedle, 
 Who sat down in church on a needle ; 
 
 Though deeply imbedded, 
 
 'Twas luckily threaded, 
 And extracted at once by the beadle.
 
 XLV 
 
 There was a fat canon of Durham, 
 Who trod on a cloister-bred wurrum ; 
 
 Said he to the beadle, 
 
 " Prepare the cathedr'l, 
 And let us proceed to inter 'm."
 
 XLVI 
 
 There was a young lady whose dream 
 Was to feed a black cat on whipped cream; 
 But the first cat she found 
 Spilled the cream on the ground, 
 And she fed a whipped cat on black cream.
 
 XLVII 
 
 There was an old fellow named Green, 
 Who grew so abnormally lean, 
 And flat, and compressed, 
 That his back touched his chest, 
 And sideways he couldn't be seen*
 
 XLVIH 
 
 There was a young lady of Lynn, 
 Who was so excessively thin, 
 
 That when she essayed 
 
 To drink lemonade 
 She slipped through the straw and fell in.
 
 XLDC 
 
 There was an old man from Antigua, 
 Whose wife said, " My dear, what a pig you 
 are!" 
 
 He replied, " O my queen, 
 
 Is it manners you mean, 
 Or do you refer to my f ig-u-a ? "
 
 There was a young lady named Perkins, 
 Who had a great fondness for gherkins ; 
 
 She went to a tea 
 
 And ate twenty-three, 
 Which pickled her internal workings.
 
 LI 
 
 There was a young lady named Maud, 
 A very deceptive young fraud ; 
 
 She never was able 
 
 To eat at the table, 
 But out in the pantry, O Lord !
 
 LH 
 
 There was a young maid who said, " Why 
 Can't I look in my ear with my eye ? 
 
 If I put my mind to it 
 
 Fm sure I can do it : 
 You never can tell till you try/'
 
 LHI 
 
 Erat Romanorum dictator 
 Qui hated his uxoris mater ; 
 
 Cum leo her edit, 
 
 A holler he dedit, 
 Et dixit, " Vale, ma, until later/'
 
 LIV 
 
 There was a young lady from Boston, 
 A two-horned dilemma was tossed on, 
 
 As to which was the best, 
 
 To be rich in the West 
 Or poor and peculiar in Boston.
 
 LV 
 
 There once was a lonesome, lorn spinster, 
 And luck had for years been ag'inst her ; 
 When a man came to burgle 
 She shrieked, with a gurgle, 
 " Stop thief, while I call in a minister ! "
 
 LVI 
 
 There was an old maid named McDowd, 
 Who got squeezed in a terrible crowd ; 
 The thing that most vexed her 
 Was that there stood next her 
 A man who said " Damn " right out loud.
 
 LVII 
 
 A mathematical maiden named Chaucer 
 Cried "O fie \" and "For shame I" and "O 
 law, Sir !" 
 
 44 Dividers have limbs 
 
 Like indelicate hims. 
 So circles I draw with a saucer*"
 
 LVIIIa 
 
 There was a young lady named Hannah, 
 Who slipped on a peel of banana. 
 
 More stars she espied 
 
 As she lay on her side 
 Than are found in the Star Spangled Banner.
 
 LVfflb 
 
 A gentleman sprang to assist her ; 
 
 He picked up her glove and her wrister ; 
 
 " Did you fall, Ma'am ? " he cried; 
 
 " Do you think," she replied, 
 44 1 sat down for the fun of it, Mister ? "
 
 LIX 
 
 There once was a doughty young fly, 
 Who said, "I will do it or die; " 
 
 So she took off her stocking, 
 
 A spectacle shocking, 
 And waded right into a pie.
 
 LX 
 
 There was a young woman from Wilts 
 Who went up to Scotland on stilts. 
 
 When they said, "Oh, how shocking 
 To show so much stocking ! " 
 She answered, "Well, how about kilts?"
 
 LXI 
 
 There was a young lady of Lynn, 
 Who believed in original sin. 
 She'd try to be good 
 As hard as she could, 
 And then she'd go at it ag'in.
 
 Lxn 
 
 Augustus Fitzgibbons Mor an 
 Fell in love with Maria McGinn, 
 With a yell and a whoop 
 He cleared the front stoop 
 Just ahead of her papa's brogan.
 
 LXIII 
 
 Said a bad little youngster named Beauchamp, 
 44 Those jelly tarts, how shall I reauchamp ? 
 
 To my parents I'd go, 
 
 But they always say no, 
 No matter how much I beseauchamp."
 
 LXIV 
 
 A bright little maid in St. Thomas 
 Discovered a suit of pajhomas. 
 
 Said the maiden, " Well, well ! 
 
 What they are I can't tell, 
 But Pm sure that these garments St. 
 Mhoma's."
 
 LXV 
 
 An amorous M. A. 
 
 Says that cupid, the C D., 
 Doesn't cast for his health 
 But is rolling in wealth 
 
 He's the John Jaco-B. H.
 
 LXVI 
 
 A sore-hipped hippopotamus, much flustered, 
 Objected to a poultice made of custard. 
 
 Said he, "This cussed flip 
 
 Seems to irritate my hip/* 
 So they put upon his hip a pot o' mustard.
 
 LXVII 
 
 The Sultan got sore on his harem 
 And invented a scheme for to scare 'em ; 
 He caught him a mouse 
 Which he loosed in the house; 
 (The confusion is called harem-scarem).
 
 Lxvm 
 
 A tutor who tooted the flute, 
 
 Tried to teach two young tooters to toot ; 
 
 Said the two to the tutor, 
 
 " Is it harder to toot or 
 To tutor two tooters to toot ? "
 
 LXIX 
 
 A canner, exceedingly canny, 
 
 One morning remarked to his granny, 
 
 44 A canner can can 
 
 Anything that he can, 
 But a canner can't can a can, can he ? "
 
 LXX 
 
 Said a miser who sordidly mised, 
 " My gold I have always despised ; 
 I have stinged till Fm stingy, 
 And dinged till I'm dingy, 
 But it's really the practice I've prized."
 
 LXXI 
 
 A flea and a fly in a flue 
 
 Were imprisoned, so what could they do ? 
 Said the fly," Let us flee," 
 Said the flea, "Let us fly," 
 
 So they flew through a flaw in the flue.
 
 LXXII 
 
 A certain young fellow named Beebee 
 Wished to wed with a lady named Phoebe. 
 
 " But/' said he, " I must see 
 
 What the clerical fee 
 Be before Phoebe be Phoebe Beebee."
 
 LXXUI 
 
 There was a great swell in Japan, 
 
 Whose name on a Tuesday began ; 
 
 It lasted through Sunday 
 
 Till twilight on Monday, 
 
 And sounded like stones in a can.
 
 LXXIV 
 
 My grandma, Rose Angela Hemans, 
 Is disposed to delirium tremens. 
 
 She contracted the habit 
 
 Of eating Welsh Rarebit 
 At midnight, and then she'd see demons.
 
 LXXV 
 
 There was a young person named Ned, 
 Who dined, before going to bed, 
 
 On lobster and ham 
 
 And salad and jam, 
 And when he awoke he was dead*
 
 LXXVI 
 
 There once were some learned M.D/s, 
 Who captured some germs of disease, 
 
 And infected a train 
 
 Which, without causing pain, 
 Allowed one to catch it with ease.
 
 LXXVH 
 
 There once was a pious young priest, 
 Who lived almost wholly on yeast ; 
 
 44 For/' he said, " it is plain 
 
 We must all rise again, 
 And I want to get started, at least/'
 
 LXXVHI 
 
 There was a young lady named Ruth, 
 Who had a great passion for truth. 
 
 She said she would die 
 
 Before she would lie, 
 And she died in the prime of her youth.
 
 LXXIX 
 
 There was an old man in a tree, 
 Who was horribly bored by a bee; 
 When they said, "Does it buzz?" 
 He replied, "Yes, it does, 
 It's a regular brute of a bee."
 
 LXXX 
 
 There was an old man of St. Bees, 
 Who was stung in the arm by a wasp ; 
 
 When they asked, Does it hurt ?" 
 
 He replied, " No, it doesn't, 
 But I thought all the time 'twas a hornet I" 
 
 ( W. S, Gilbert's parody oj No. LXXIX.)
 
 LXXXI 
 
 There was a young man from Cornell, 
 Who said, "I'm aware of a smell, 
 
 But whether it's drains 
 
 Or human remains 
 I'm really unable to tell/'
 
 LXXXII 
 
 A man to whom illness was chronic. 
 When told that he needed a tonic, 
 
 Said, "O Doctor dear, 
 
 Won't you please make it beer ? " 
 " No, no/' said the Doc., " that's Teutonic."
 
 LXXXHI 
 
 To his wife said a person named Brown, 
 44 My dear, there's a caller from town/' 
 
 " Wait/' she cried in distress, 
 
 "Till I slip on a dress/' 
 But she slipped on the stairs and came down.
 
 LXXXIV 
 
 There was an old man of Kamschatka t 
 Who possessed a remarkably fat cur; 
 
 His gait and his waddle 
 
 Were held as a model 
 To all the fat dogs in Kamschatka.
 
 LXXXV 
 
 44 Cassez-vous, cassez-vous, cassez-vous, 
 O mer, sur vos froids gris cailloux." 
 
 Ainsi traduisit Laure 
 
 Au profit d^Isadore, 
 (Bon jeune homme, et son futur epoux).
 
 LXXXVI 
 
 Un marin naufrage* (de Doncastre) 
 Pour priere, au milieu du desastre, 
 
 Rep&ait a genoux 
 
 Ccs mots simples et doux : 
 " Sctntillez, scintillez, petit astre ! "
 
 LXXXVII 
 
 A young person of Tomahawk Bluff 
 Carried pistols to make him look tough. 
 
 When they asked, "Do you chew?" 
 
 He replied, " Yes, I do, 
 I'm a wegular wetch of a wough."
 
 LXXXVIII 
 
 There was a young lady of Skye, 
 With a shape like a capital I; 
 
 She said, "It's too bad! 
 
 But then, I can pad," 
 Which shows you that figures can lie.
 
 LXXXIX 
 
 There was a young lady from Joppa, 
 Whose friends all decided to drop her. 
 She went to Ostend 
 On a trip with a friend 
 And the rest of the story's improper.
 
 xc 
 
 There was a young woman named Florence, 
 Who for kissing professed great abhorrence; 
 But when she'd been kissed 
 And found what she'd missed, 
 She cried till the tears came in torrents.
 
 XCI 
 
 There was a young lady named Nell t 
 Who considered herself quite a belle ; 
 She sat on the sand 
 And held her own hand, 
 And never discovered the sell.
 
 xcn 
 
 There was a young person called Kate, 
 Who sat on the stairs very late. 
 
 When asked how she fared, 
 
 She said she was scared, 
 But was otherwise doing first-rate.
 
 xcm 
 
 There was an old man with a beard, 
 Who said, " It is just as I feared ! 
 
 Two owls and a hen, 
 
 Four larks and a wren, 
 Have all built their nests in my beard/*
 
 XdV 
 
 Said a great congregational preacher 
 To a hen, " You're a beautiful creature." 
 
 And the hen, just for that, 
 
 Laid an egg in his hat, 
 And thus did the Hen reward Beecher.
 
 xcv 
 
 There was a young curate of Worcester, 
 Who could have a command if he'd choose ter, 
 
 But he said each recruit 
 
 Must be blacker than soot, 
 Or else he'd go preach where he used ter. 
 
 ( Written of Thomas Went-worth Higginson.)
 
 XCV1 
 
 A genius who once did aspire 
 To invent an aerial flyer, 
 
 When asked, " Does it go ?" 
 
 Replied," I don't know; 
 Pm awaiting some damphule to try *er."
 
 XCVIIa 
 
 There once was a man from Nantucket, 
 Who kept all his cash in a bucket, 
 
 But his daughter named Nan 
 
 Ran away with a man, 
 And alas for the bucket, Nan-tuck-et !
 
 XCVHb 
 
 But he followed the pair to Pawtucket t 
 The man and the girl with the bucket, 
 And he said to the man, 
 He was welcome to Nan; 
 And as for the bucket, Paw-tuck-et !
 
 xcvnt 
 
 Said the old man of Abinger-Hammei 4 , 
 Who was blessed with a wife and a stammer, 
 
 " The plague of my life 
 
 Is my w-w-w-wife, 
 D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-dammer ! "
 
 XdX 
 
 There was a young lady of Cork, 
 Whose Pa made a fortune in pork ; 
 He bought for his daughter 
 A tutor who taught her 
 To balance green peas on her fork.
 
 There was a young man so benighted, 
 He never knew when he was slighted ; 
 
 He would go to a party, 
 
 And eat just as hearty, 
 As if he'd been really invited.
 
 a 
 
 There was a young person called Smarty, 
 Who sent out his cards for a party ; 
 So exclusive and few 
 Were the friends that he knew 
 That no one was present but Smarty.
 
 CII 
 
 There were three young women of Birming- 
 ham, 
 And I know a sad story concerning 'em ; 
 
 They stuck needles and pins 
 
 In the Right Reverend shins 
 Of the Bishop engaged in confirming 'em.
 
 cin 
 
 There was a young man from Quebec, 
 Who was buried in snow to his neck ; 
 
 When asked, " Are you friz ? " 
 
 He replied, " Yes, I is - 
 But this is not cold for Quebec/'
 
 ov 
 
 There was an old man of Madrid, 
 Who was hit with a brick by a kid; 
 
 Said the man, " Oh, what joy 
 
 To wallup that boy ! 
 Be darned if I don't ; " and he did.
 
 cv 
 
 There was a young lady named Tucker, 
 Who rushed at her mother and struck her ; 
 Her mother said, "Damn, 
 Don't you know who I am ? 
 You act like a regular mucker/*
 
 CVI 
 
 A scrupulous priest of Kildare, 
 Used to pay a rude peasant to swear, 
 
 Who would paint the air blue, 
 
 For an hour or two, 
 While his reverence wrestled in prayer*
 
 cvn 
 
 There was a young lady named Banker, 
 Who slept while the ship lay at anchor ; 
 She awoke in dismay 
 When she heard the mate say : 
 44 Now hoist up the top sheet, and spanker."
 
 cvin 
 
 There once was a lady so fair 
 
 That no one could see she was there : 
 
 It may not seem decent 
 
 To be so translucent, 
 But we pardon all things to the fair.
 
 ox 
 
 There was an old monk of Siberia, 
 
 Whose existence grew drearier and drearier ; 
 
 He burst from his cell 
 
 With a hell of a yell, 
 And eloped with the Mother Superior.
 
 ex 
 
 There's a lady in Kalamazoo, 
 
 Who bites all her oysters in two : 
 
 She has a misgiving, 
 
 Should any be living, 
 
 They'd raise such a hullabaloo.
 
 CXI 
 
 There once was a sculptor named Phidias, 
 Whose statues by some were thought hideous : 
 
 He made Aphrodite, 
 
 Without any nightie, 
 Which shocked all the ultra fastidious.
 
 cxn 
 
 There was a young lady named Enos, 
 Who went to a ball dressed as Venus. 
 
 The guests said, "It's rude, 
 
 To come in the nude 
 And they brought her a leaf from the 
 green'us."
 
 cxm 
 
 Said the Reverend Jabez McCotten, 
 " The waltz of the devil's begotten/' 
 Said young Jones to Miss Sly 
 " Never mind that old guy : 
 To the pure almost everything's rotten/
 
 cxrv 
 
 II y avait une demoiselle de Nigre, 
 Qui souriait en se promenant a tigre ; 
 De la course en rentrant 
 Voila la dame en dedans, 
 Et le sourire a la gueule du tigre.
 
 LIST OF SOURCES
 
 LIST OF SOURCES 
 
 ARLO BATES LVII 
 
 GELETT BURGESS VII, xxn 
 
 CHICAGO TRIBUNE XXVII 
 
 F. G. CHRISTGAU LXIV 
 
 GEORGE DU MAURIER LXXXV, LXXXVI 
 
 W. S. GILBERT LXXX 
 
 HARVARD LAMPOON VIII, LIU, LXV 
 
 OLIVER HERFORD LXXVI 
 
 DAVID STARR JORDAN XLVI, CVlll 
 
 RUDYARD KIPLING cm 
 
 THE LARK LXX 
 
 EDWARD LEAR .... IX, LXXIX, LXXXiv, xcm 
 LIFE xv, xxi, LXII, LXXXVII 
 
 LIPPINCOTT'S XXVIII 
 
 COSMO MONKHOUSE XX, XXXV, XLI 
 
 PRINCETON TIGER . LXVII
 
 ALPHONSO ROSS XCIV 
 
 ST. NICHOLAS XCM 
 
 MRS. SIVRET XCV 
 
 THE TECH XXV 
 
 CAROLYN WELLS ... XI, XII, LXin, LXVIII, LXIX
 
 University of California 
 
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