RHODES 
 Bombastes Furl o so
 
 THE MINOR DRAMA. 
 No. XXXV 
 
 BOMBASTES FURIOSO, 
 
 :2l Burlwqtie STragU ©para. 
 
 IN ONE ACT. 
 
 BY THOMAS BARNES RHODES. 
 
 WITH'THB STAGE BUSINESSi CAST OF CHARAOTBB^ 
 COSTOMSS, BELATITE F03ITI0NS, BTO. 
 
 -• »«- 
 
 NEW YORK: 
 SAMUEL FRENCH, 
 
 122 Nassau Street, (Up Stairs.)
 
 CAST OF CHARACTERS. 
 
 Covint Garden, 1830. PaHk, MK 
 
 ArtmtominonM Mr. Mathews. Mr. H. Plaoido. 
 
 Futboi " TayJor. " Nickiuiion. 
 
 BomboMtet " LUton. " J.Fisher. 
 
 J>uUiSina Mrs. Liston. Mrs. Vernon. 
 
 Attendant*, Drummer, Fifer, and two or three SoldUrt of different riUM 
 
 COSTUMES. 
 
 ARTAXOMINOUS, King of Utopia.— YmW dress, court suit, powdered wig ' 
 
 FUSBOS, Minitter of Slate,— Tho same. 
 
 GENERAL BOMBASTES.— A general's military suit Jack boots, comic pov 
 
 (Icred wig and pigtail, sword and sasti, general's liat and plumo. Second dret$. 
 
 Morning gown and slippers. 
 ATTENDANTS.— Full dress court suits- 
 ARMY. — A long drummer, a short fifer, and two or three soldiers of diSerMt 
 
 dimensions, all dressed in caricaturo. 
 DISTAFFlNA.— Colored chintz gown, open in front, crimson balimanco petticMl 
 
 while muslin aoron, mob-cap, white muslin handkerchief. 
 
 EXITS AND ENTRANCES. 
 
 B. means Right; L. Left; U. D. Right Door; L. D. Left Door; 
 8. £. Second Entrance ; U. E. Upper Entrance ; M. D. Middle Door. 
 
 RELATIVE POSITIONS- 
 
 B. means Right; L. Left; 0. Centre; B. 0. Right of Centre t 
 1. J. Left of Centre.
 
 UNIVERSITi^ OF CALIFORIgU 
 SANTA BARBARA 
 
 ^7 fl^ 
 
 EDITORIAL INTRODUCTION. 
 
 There is possibly no piece of the kind that has held longer 
 possession of the Stage, excited more shouts of laughter, and 
 been received with more approbation "Chan Bombastes Furioso. 
 In that peculiar walk of the Drama denominated Burlesque it 
 stands pre-eminent. The language and incidents abound with 
 wit, and what is technically called "stage situation," while there 
 is no apparent labor for effect. 
 
 The piece is a favorite with the ''dramatis personae," and 
 the greatest comedians that ever lived have been engaged in it; 
 Liston, Mathews, Harley, Munden, Oxberry, and in the United 
 States, H. Placide, Fisher, Hilson, ice. Mr. Placide is the most 
 prominent General Bombastes of the present day, by whom the 
 piece is very frequently brought forward. 
 
 The great demand for Bombastes Furioso, together with its 
 scarcity, was the inducement for its publication ; — it is printed 
 from a rare London edition, for a copy of which we are indebted 
 to Mr. D. S. Palmer, of the Olympic Theatre.
 
 BOMBASTES FURIOSO. 
 
 ACT I. 
 
 Scene I. — Interior of the Palace. 
 
 Artaxominoub in his Chair of State. — A Table, set out 
 with bowls, glasses, pipes, ifc. — Attendants on each 
 side. 
 
 TRIO. 
 
 Am—" Tclceli." 
 
 \st Ait. What will your Majesty please to wear 1 
 Or blue, green, red, black, white, or brown 1 
 2d Att. D'ye choose to look at the bill of fare 1 
 Art. Get out of my sight, or I'll knock you down, 
 2d Att. Here is soup, fish, or goose, or duck, or fowl, 
 
 or pigeons, pig, or hare ; 
 1st Att. Blue, green, or red, or black, white, or brown, 
 What will your Majesty, &c. 
 Art. Get out of my eJght, &c. 
 
 [Exeunt Attendants, n. and L« 
 
 Enter Fusuos, l., and kneels to the King. 
 
 Fus. Hail, Artaxominous ! ycleped the Great ! 
 I come, an humble pillar of thy state. 
 Pregnant with news — but ere that news I tell, 
 First let me hope your Majesty is well. 
 
 Art. Rise, learned Fusbos ! rise, my friend, and know. 
 We are but middling — that is, but so so. 
 
 Fus. Only so so / Oh, monstrous, doleful thing! 
 Is it the mulligrubs affects the king 1 
 Or, dropping poisons in the cup of joy, 
 Do the blue devils your repose annoy 1
 
 BOMBASTES FURIOSO. 
 
 [Ac* f 
 
 Art. Nor mulligrubs, nor devils blue are heie, 
 But yet we feel ourself a little queer. 
 
 Fus. Yes, I perceive it in that vacant eye, 
 The vest unbuttoned, and the wig awry : 
 So sickly cats neglect their fur-attire, 
 And eit and mope beside the kitchen fire. 1 
 
 Art. Last night, when undisturbed by state affairs, 3 
 Moist'ning our clay, and puffing off our cares, 
 Oft the replenished goblet did we drain, 
 And drank, and smoked, and smoked and drank aorain; 
 Such was the case, our very actions such, 
 Until at length we got a drop too much. ■ 
 
 Fus. So, when some donkey on the Blackheath roaa 
 Falls, overpowered, beneath his sandy Joad, 
 The driver's curse unheeded swells the air. 
 Since none can carry more than they can bear. 
 
 Art. The sapient Doctor Muggins came in haste, 
 Who suits his physic to his patients' taste ; 
 He, knowing well on what our heart is set, 
 Hath just prescribed " to take a morning whet;" 
 The very sight each sick'ning pain subdues, 
 Then sit, my Fusbos, sit, and tell thy news. 
 
 Fus. [Sits L. of table.] Gen'ral Bombastes, whose re- 
 sistless force 
 Alone exceeds by far a brewer's horse, 
 Returns victorious, bringing mines of wealth ! 
 
 Art. Does he? by jingo! then we'll drink his health. 
 
 [Drum andjifc, R. 
 
 Fus. But hark ! with loud acclaim, the fife and drum 
 Announce your army near; behold, they come ! 
 
 [Drum and fife again., r. 
 
 Enter Bombastes, k., attended hy one Drummer, oneFifer, 
 and two Soldiers, all very materially differing in size. 
 
 Bom. [ To Army.] Meet me this ev'ning at the Barley- 
 Mow ; 
 I'll bring your pay, you see I'm busy now : 
 Begone, brave army, and don't kick up a row. 
 
 [Exeunt Soldiers, r. 
 [To tJie King.] Thrashed are your foes — this watch and 
 
 silken string. 
 Worn by their ch j<f, I as a trophy bring ;
 
 ^EN« 1 BOMBASTES FURIOSO. "" 
 
 I knocked him down, then snatched it from iiis fob ; 
 " Watch, watch !" he cried, when I had done the job; 
 "My watch is gone," says he — says I, "Just so; 
 Stop where you are — watches were made to go." 
 
 Art. For which we make you Duke of Strombelo. 
 [Bombasics kneels — the King dubs him with a pipe, om 
 then presents the bowl. 
 From our own bowl here drink, my^ soldier true ; 
 And if you'd like to take a whiff or two, 
 Ke whose brave arm hath made our foes to crouch, 
 Shall have a pipe from this, our royal pouch. 
 
 Bom. [Rises.] Honors so great have all my toils repaid 
 My liege, and Fusbos, here's " Success to trade." 
 
 Fus. Well said, Bombastes ! since thy mighty blows 
 Have given a quietus to our foes. 
 Now shall our farmers gather in their crops, 
 And busy tradesmen mind their crowded shops ; 
 The deadly havoc of war's hatchet cease ; 
 Now shall we smoke the calumet of peace. 
 
 Art. I shall smoke short-cut, you smoke what ycu pleas© 
 
 Bom. Whate'er your majesty shall deign to name, ' 
 Short cut or long to me is all the same. 
 
 Bom. 4" Fus. Jn short, so long as we your favors claim, 
 Short cut or long to us is all the same. 
 
 Art. Thanks, gen'rous friends! now list whilst I impaxt 
 How firm you're locked and bolted in my heart : 
 So long as this here pouch a pipe contains. 
 Or a full glass in that there bowl remains, 
 To you an equal portion shall belong; 
 This I do swear, and now — let's have a song. 
 
 Fus. My liege shall be obeyed. 
 
 [Advances and attempts to sing. 
 
 Bom. Fusbos, give place. 
 You know you haven't got a singing face ; 
 Here nature, smiling, gave the winning grace. 
 
 SONG. — Bombastes. 
 Air — " Hope told a flatfring Tale." 
 
 Hope told a flattering tale, 
 
 Much longer than my arm, 
 That love and puts of ale, 
 
 Isl peace would keep me waim :
 
 f BOMBASTES FURIOSX). [J^t I 
 
 Tho flatt'rer is not gone. 
 
 She visits number one : 
 
 In love I'm nionsti-ous deep ; 
 
 Love ! odds bobs, destroys my deep. 
 
 Hope l3ld a flattering tale, 
 
 Lost love should soon grow cool ; 
 
 A tub thrown to a whale, ■ 
 
 To make the fish a fool : I 
 
 Should DistafBna frown, I 
 
 Then love's gone out of town, ' 
 
 And when love's dream is o'er, ' J 
 Then we wake and dream no more. [_Exit, 1* ^ 
 
 [ The King evinces sirons; emotions during the song, and at the co*»t 
 
 elusion starts up. 
 
 Fus. What ails my liege ? ah ! why that look so sad ? 
 
 Art. \ Coining forward^ I am in love ! I scorch, I freeze, 
 I'm mad ! 
 Oh, tell me, Fusbos, first and best of friends, 
 Y^_, vvho have wisdom at your fingers' ends, 
 Shall it be so, or shall it not be so 1 
 Shall I my Griskinissa's charms forego, 
 Compel her to give up the regal chair. 
 And place the rosy Distaffina there ! 
 In such a case, what course can I pursue ? 
 I love my Queen and Distaffina too. 
 
 Fus. And would a king his general supplant 1 
 I can't advise, upon my soul I can't. 
 
 Art. So when two feasts, whereat there's naught to 
 pay, 
 Fall unpropitious on the self-same day 
 The anxious Cit each invitation views. 
 And ponders which to take or which refuse ; 
 From this or that to keep away is loth. 
 And sighs to think he cannot dine at both, \Exit, L 
 
 Fus. So when some school-boy, on a rainy day, 
 Finds all his playmates will no longer stay, 
 He takes the hint himself — and walks away. [Exit, R 
 
 Scene II. — Another Apartment in the Palace. 
 
 Enter Artaxominous, l. 
 
 Art. I'll seek the maid I love, though in my way 
 A dozen gen'rals stood in fierce array !
 
 »eXKC II.] BCMBASTES FURIOSO. 
 
 Such rosy beauties nature meant for kings ; 
 Subjects have tteat enough to see such thingSL 
 
 SONG. • 
 
 Aivi— "Paddy a Carroll:* 
 
 My love is so pretty, 
 So lively and witty, 
 None in town or city 
 
 Her hand would ^grace ! 
 My lord of the woolsack, 
 His coachman would pull hack. 
 To get a look full smack 
 
 At her pretty face. 
 Mathematical teachers, 
 Stiff methodist preachers, 
 And ail the gay creatures 
 
 That run about towa^ 
 Great foreign ambassadors 
 Never can pass her doors. 
 But my Bweet lass deplores 
 
 So much renown. Fal de ril, &c 
 
 Though she drives a wheelbarrow, 
 Through streets wide and nan'ow, 
 'rue school-boys from Harrow 
 
 May laugh if they dare. 
 Nor tasteful Grassiui, 
 Nor Bilhngtonini, 
 Divine Catal'na, 
 
 With her can compare. 
 Nor head with a mitre. 
 Nor Belcher the fighter, 
 Can find out a brighter 
 
 Than my pretty maid. 
 But my words are mere playthings, 
 Neat trim holiday-things. 
 They cannot half say things 
 
 Enough for my love. Fa! de ral, Ale 
 
 She's young and she's tender, 
 Qhe'ii tall and she's slender. 
 As straight as a fender 
 
 From the top to the toe. 
 Fyes like stars glittering. 
 Mouth always tiltering, 
 Fingers to fit a ring 
 
 ■ Ne'er were made so. 
 
 • Tkia comic 50ng was not written by the author of the piaMi
 
 10 BOMBASTES FURIOSO. [AcT I 
 
 Her head like a hoUy-bow'r, 
 Cheeks like a cauliHower, 
 Nose like a jolly tower 
 
 By the sea-side. 
 Then haste, oh ye days and nights, 
 That I may taste delights, 
 And with church holy rites 
 
 Make her my bride, fal de ral, &c. 
 lExit, u 
 
 Scene III. — Inside oj a Cottage. 
 
 Enter Distaffina, n. 
 
 Dis. This morn, as sleeping in my bed I lay 
 I dreamt, (and morning dreams come true, they say,) 
 I dreamt a cunning man my fortune told, 
 And soon the pots and pans were turned to gold ! 
 Then I lesolved to cut a mighty dash ; 
 But, lo ! ere I could turn them into cash, 
 Another cunning man my heart betrayed. 
 Stole all away, and left my debts unpaid. 
 
 ^nter Artaxominous, l. 
 
 And pray, sir, wno are you, I'd wish to know ? 
 
 Art. Perfection's self, oh, smooth that angry broV7 ! 
 For love of thee I've wandered through the town, 
 And here have come to offer half a crown. 
 
 Dis. Fellow ! your paltry offer I despise ; 
 The great Bombastes' love alone I prize. 
 
 Art. He's but a Gen'ral — damsel, I'm a King; 
 
 Dis. Oh, sir ! that makes it quite another thing. 
 
 Art. And think not, maiden, I could e'er design 
 A sum so trifling for such charms as thine. 
 No ! the half crown that tinged thy cheeks with red, 
 And bade fierce anger o'er thy beauties spread, 
 Was meant that thou shouldst share my throne and bed. 
 
 Dis. \Asidc\ My dream is out, and I shall soon behold 
 The pots and pans all turn to shining gf5ld. 
 
 Art. \Puts his hat down to kneel on.] Here on my kneea 
 (those knees which ne'er till now 
 To man or maid in suppliatice bent,) I vow 
 Still to remain, till you my hopes ff.iril, 
 Fixed as the monument on Fish-street hill.
 
 BclNE III.] DOMBASTES FURIOSO. ll 
 
 Dis. [Kneels.] And thus I swear, as I bestow my lian<4 
 
 Aii long as e'er the Monument shall stand, 
 
 So long I'm youi's — 
 
 Art. Ar« then my wishes crowned 1 
 
 Dis. La, sir! I'd not say no for twenty pound: 
 
 Let silly maids for love their favors yield, 
 
 Rich ones for me — a kinj; against the field. 
 
 SONG. DiSTAFFINA. 
 
 Air— "Paddy's Wedding." 
 
 Queen Dido at 
 Her palace gate 
 Sat darning of her stocking, ; 
 She sung and drew 
 The worsted through, 
 ■SVbilst lier foot was the cradle rocking, O, 
 (For a babe she had 
 By a soldier lad, 
 Though hist'ry passes it over, O;) 
 " You tell-tale brat, 
 "I've been a flat, 
 "Your daddy has proved a rover O. 
 
 "What a fool was I 
 
 "To bo cozened by 
 " A fellow without a penny, ; 
 
 " When rich ones came, 
 
 "And asked the same, < 
 
 " For I'd offers from never so many, O. 
 
 " But I'll darn my hose, 
 
 " Look out for beaus, 
 "And quickly get a new lover, O; 
 
 " Then come, lads, como, 
 
 *' Love beats the drum, 
 "And a fig for .fineas the rover, O." 
 
 Art. So Orpheus sung of old, or poets lie, 
 And as the brutes were charmed, e'en so am I. 
 Rosy-cheeked maid, henceforth my only queen, 
 Full soon shale thou in royal robes be seen ; 
 And through my realms I'll issue this decree, 
 None shall appear of taller growth than thee; 
 Painters no otlier face portray — each sign 
 O'er ale-house hung shall change its head for thine. 
 Poets shall cancel tlieir unpublished lays, 
 And none presume to wi'le but in thy praise.
 
 12 BOMBASTES FURIOSU. [AcT L 
 
 Dis. [Produces a bottle and glass, E.] And may I then, 
 without offending, crave 
 My love to taste of this, the best I have ? 
 
 Art. Were it the vilest liquor upon earth, 
 Thy touch vrould render it of matchless vv^orth. 
 Dear shall the gift be held that comes from you ; 
 Best proof of love — [Drinks.^ — 'tis full proof Hodges' toot 
 Through all my veins I feel a genial glow, 
 It fires my soul — 
 
 Bo7n. [Within, i..] Ho, Distaffina, ho! 
 
 Art. Heard you that voice ? 
 
 Dis. Oh, yes ; 'tis what's-his-name, 
 The General ; send him packing as he came. 
 
 Art. And is it he ] and doth he hither come ] 
 Ah, me ! my guilty conscience strikes me dumb, 
 Where shall I go ? say, whither shall I fly ? 
 Hide me, oh, hide me from his injured eye ! 
 
 Dis. Why, sure, you're not alarmed at such a thing! 
 He's but a General, and you're a King. 
 
 [Artaxominous secretes himself in a closet^ B. 
 
 Enter BoMBASTES, L. 
 
 Bo7n. Loved Distaffina ! now by my scars 1 vow, 
 Scars got — I haven't time to tell you how ; 
 By all the risks, my fearless heart hath run. 
 Risks of all shapes from bludgeon, sword, and gun. 
 Steel traps, the patrole, bailiff shrewd, and dun; 
 By the great bunch of laurels on my brow, 
 Ne'er did thy charms exceed their present glow ! 
 Oh, let me greet thee with a loving kiss — [Sees thcliaU 
 Hell and the devil ! say whose hat is this 1 
 
 Dis. Why, help your silly brains, that's not a haL 
 
 Bo7n. No hat? 
 
 Dis. Suppose it is, why what of that? 
 A hat can do no harm without a head ! 
 
 Bom. Whoe'er it fits, this hour I doom him dead; 
 Alive from hence the caitiff shall not stir — 
 
 [Discovers the King. 
 Vour most obedient, Imrablc servant, sir. 
 
 Art. Oh, General, oh ! 
 
 Bom. My much loved master, oh! 
 What means all this?
 
 feCESX IV.] BOMBASTES FURIOSO. 13 
 
 Art. Indeed, I hardly know — 
 
 Dis. (r.) Vou hardly know ! — a very pretty joke. 
 If kingly promises so soon are broke ! 
 lArn't I to be a queen, and dress so fine ? 
 
 Art. (l.) I do repent me of the foul design; 
 ^To thee, my brave Bombastes, I restore, 
 ■pure Distaffina, and will never more 
 ^Through lane or street with lawless passion rove, 
 [But give to Griskinissa all my love, 
 
 j Bom. (c.) No, no ; I'll love no more : let him who can 
 Fancy the maid who fancies ev'ry man. 
 In some lone place I'll find a gloomy cave, 
 There my own hands shall dig a spacious grave, 
 Then all unseen I'll lay me down and die, 
 Since woman's constancy is — all my eye. 
 
 TRIO. 
 
 Air — "O/j, lady fair " 
 
 Dis. Oh, ciTiel man, where are you going? 
 
 Sad are my wants, my rent is owing. 
 IBom. I go, I go, all comfort scorning ; 
 
 Some death I'll die before the morning. 
 Dis. Heigho, heigho, sad is that warning; 
 
 Oh, do not die before the morning. 
 Art. I'll follow him, all danger scorning; 
 
 He shall not die before the morning. 
 Bom. I go, I go, &c. 
 Dit. Heigho, heigho, &c. 
 Art. I'll follow him, &c. [Exeunt, L 
 
 Scene IV.— yl Wood. 
 Enter FusDos. 
 
 Fus. This day is big with fate; just as I set 
 My foot across the threshold, lo ! 1 met 
 A man, whose squint tcrrlHlc struck my view; 
 Another came, and, lo ! he squinted too ; 
 And ere I reached the corner of tlie street, 
 Some ten short paces, 'twas my lot to meet 
 A third who squinted more — a fourth, and he 
 Squinted more vilely than the other three
 
 14 BOMBASTES FURIOSO. [AcT 1. 
 
 Sucli omens met the eye wlien Caesar fell, 
 But cautioned him in vain ; and who can tell 
 Whether those awful notices of fate 
 Are meant for kings, or ministers of state ? 
 For rich or poor, old, young, or short or tall. 
 The wrestler Love trips up the heels of all. 
 
 SONG, 
 
 Air — " My Lodging is on the cold Ground^* 
 
 My lodging is in Leather-lane, 
 
 A parlor that's next to the sky ; 
 'Tis exposed to the wind and the rain, 
 
 But the wind and the rain I defy : 
 Such love warms the coldest of spots, 
 
 As I feel for Scrubinda the fair ; 
 Oh, she lives by the scouring of pots, 
 In Dyott-street, Bloomsbury-square. 
 
 Oh, was I a quart, pint, or gill, 
 
 To be scrubbed by her delicate hands, 
 Let others possess what they will 
 
 Of learning, and houses, and lands ; 
 My parlor that's next to the sky 
 
 I'd quit her blessed mansion to shwe ; 
 So happy to live and to die 
 
 In Dyott-street, Bloomsbury square. 
 
 And, oh, would this damsel be mine, 
 
 No other provision I'd seek ; 
 On a look I could breakfast and duie, 
 ^ And feast on a smile for a week. 
 
 But ah ! should she false-hearted prove. 
 
 Suspended, I'll dangle in air ; 
 A victim to delicate love, 
 
 lu Dyott-street, Bloomshury square. [Exit, l. 
 
 Enter Bombastes,* preceded hy a Fifer, playing ^'Michael 
 Wiggins." 
 
 Bom. Gentle musician, let thy dulcet strain 
 Proceed — play Micliael Wiggins once ao^ain, — 
 Music's the food of love ; give o'er, give o'er. 
 For I must batten on that food no more. [Exit Flfer 
 
 INIy happiness is changed to doleful dumps. 
 Whilst, merry Michael, all thy cards were tnirape. 
 So, should some youth, by fortune's blest decrees, 
 Possess at least a pound of Cheshire cheese, 
 
 • TliR remainder of the part of Bombastes is usually psribrmed in 9 oviraiDa 
 gown and slippers. »- •
 
 CEHE IV.] BOMBASTES FURIOSO. 15 
 
 And bent some favored party to regale, 
 
 Lay in a kilderkin or so of ale ; 
 
 Lo ! angry fate, in one unlucky hour, 
 
 Some hungry rats may all the cheese devour. 
 
 And the loud thunder turn the liquor sour. 
 
 [Forms his sash into a nsese. 
 
 Alas ! alack ! alack ! and virell-a-day, 
 
 That ever man should make himself avs^ay ; 
 
 That ever man for woman false should die. 
 
 As many have, and so, and so — won't I ; 
 
 No, I'll go mad ! 'gainst all I'll vent my rage, 
 
 And with this wicked wanton world a woful war I'll wage. 
 
 [Hangs his boots to the arm of a tree, and taking a 
 
 scrap of paper, with a pencil writes the following 
 
 couplet, which he attaches to them, repeating tht 
 
 words. 
 
 " Who dares this pair of boots displace, 
 
 Must meet Bombastes face to face." 
 
 Thus do I challenge all the human race. 
 « [Draws his sword and retires up the Stage. 
 
 Enter Artaxominous, l. 
 
 Art. Scorning my proffered hand he frowning fled, 
 Cursed the fair maid, and shook his angry head. 
 
 [Perceives the boots and label. 
 *' Who dares this pair of boots displace, 
 Must meet Bombastes face to face." 
 Ha ! dost thou dare me, vile obnoxious elf; 
 I'll make thy threats as bootless as thyself; 
 Where'er thou ait, with speed prepare to go 
 Where I shall send thee — to the shades below ! 
 
 [Knocks down the boots. 
 
 Bom. [Coming forward.] So have I heard on Afric's 
 burning shore 
 A hungry lion give a grievous roar ; 
 The grievous roar echoed along the shore. 
 
 Art. So have I heard on Afric's burning shore 
 i^nother lion give a grievous roar. 
 And the first lion thought the last a bore. 
 
 Bom. Am I then mocked ? Now by my fame I swear 
 You shall have it — There ! [ Thei/ fight. 
 
 Art. Where ]
 
 10 BOMBASTES FURIOSO. [Act I 
 
 Bom. There, and there. 
 
 Art. I have it, sure enough — Oh ; I am slain ; 
 I'd give a pot of beer to live again : 
 Yet, ere 1 die, I something have to say : 
 My once loved Gen'ral, prithee, come this vs^ay ! 
 Oh ! oh ! my Bom — \Falls on his hack. 
 
 Bom. — bastes he would have said ; 
 But ere the word was out his breath was fled. 
 Well, peace be with him, his untimely doom 
 Shall be thus marked upon his costly tomb : 
 " Fate cropped him short — for, be it understood, 
 " He would have lived much longer — if he could." 
 
 \Retircs again up the stage 
 
 Enter Fusbos, l. 
 
 Fus. This was the way they came, and much I fear. 
 There's mischief in the wind — what have we here % 
 King Artaxominous bereft of life 1 
 Here'll be a pretty tale to tell his wife. 
 
 Bo7n. A pretty tale, but not for thee to tell, 
 For thou shalt quickly follow him to hell ; 
 There say I sent thee, and I hope he's well. 
 
 Fus. No, thou thyself shalt thy own message bear; 
 Short is the journey, thou wilt soon be there. [They Jig ht, 
 
 * DUET. 
 
 Air — " Weij>pei-l^s Fancy." 
 
 Bom. I'll quickly run you through. 
 
 Fus. No, hang me, if you do! 
 
 I think I know a trick can equal two of that ; 
 
 My sword I well can use, 
 
 So mind your P's and Q, s. 
 Bom, I thank you, sir ; but I must caution you of that 
 
 Air — ''Lord CathcarVs Favorite.'" 
 
 Fus 'Tis a pleasure to fight 
 
 With a man so polite, 
 Then hear in return what I'll do, sir ; 
 I'll take down aught you'll say 
 In the will-making way, 
 And be your executor, too, sir. 
 
 * This duct is sanictimes omitted.
 
 BeSNS IV.] BOMBASTES FURIOSO. 17 
 
 Bom. Oh, sir, there's no need 
 
 For so friendly a deed, 
 But I hope for yourself you're provided j 
 
 Since your worldly affairs 
 
 Will devolve to your heirs, 
 As soon as the point is decided, 
 
 Then come on while you can, 
 
 Meet your fate like a man — 
 Bomhastes shall ne'er be derided. 
 
 Bom. Oh, Fusbos, Fusbos, I am diddled quite, 
 Dark clouds come o'er my eyes, farewell, good night ! 
 Good night, my cock, my soul's inclined to roam. 
 So make ray compliments to all at home. 
 
 [Lies down by the King. 
 
 Fus. And o'er thy grave a monument shall rise, 
 Where heroes yet unborn shall feast their eyes ; 
 And this short epitaph that speaks thy fame, 
 Shall also there immortalize my name : 
 " Here lies Bombastes, stout of heart and limb. 
 Who conquered all but Fusbos — Fusbos him." 
 
 Enter Distaffina, l. 
 
 Dis. Ah, wretched maid ! oh, miserab e fate ! 
 I've just arrived in time to be too late; 
 What now shall hapless Distaffina do ? 
 Curse on all morning dreams, they come so true. 
 
 Fus. Go, beauty, go, thou source of wo to man, 
 And get another lover where you can : 
 The crown now sits on Griskinissa's head ; 
 To her I'll go— 
 
 Dis. Bui are you sure they're dead ? 
 
 Ftu. Yes, dead as herrings — herrings that are red. 
 
 FINALE. 
 
 J)it. Briny tears I'll shed. 
 
 Art. [Rising.] I for joy shall cry, too : 
 Fus. Zounds ! the King's alive ; 
 
 BoTn. [Rising.] Yes, and so am I too. 
 
 Dis. It was better far 
 
 Art. Thus to check all sorrow;
 
 18 BOMBASTES FURIOSO. ACT 1 
 
 Fus. But, if some folks please, 
 
 Bom. We'll die again to-raorrow. 
 
 Dis, Tu ral, lu ral, la, 
 Art. Tu lal, lu ral, laddi ; 
 
 Fus. Tu ral, lu ral, la, 
 Bern. Tu ral, lu ral, laddi. 
 
 f Ther/ take hands and dance round repeating Ckorut, 
 
 THE BND.
 
 UC SOUTHERN 
 
 III 
 
 AA 
 
 n\ 
 
 THE LIBRARY 
 'V OF ^iipr»p