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 SCRIBBLEOMANIA: 
 
 OR, 
 
 A SUBLIME POEM. 
 
 EDITED 
 
 BY ANSER PEN-DRAG-ON, ESQ. 
 
 Amabilis insania et mentis grtttissimna error. 
 
 Horace. 
 
 LONDON: 
 
 PRINTED FOR SHEUWOOD, KEELY, AND JONES, PATEUNOSTER-KOW 
 
 1815.
 
 T. DAVISON, Lombard-street, 
 Whltefriars, Loiuion.
 
 PR 
 
 DEDICATION. 
 
 To that most enlightened Phalanx, the Reviewers 
 of Great Britain, greeting. 
 
 Gentlemen, 
 Unlike the herd of venal writers, who pro- 
 stitute their Avits in order to ensure those pa- 
 negyrics which are not their due, I thus present 
 myself before ye, fully determined to advance 
 nothing but the naked truth ; for what class 
 of literary men exists so immaculate as your- 
 selves ? Were I to place the smallest reliance 
 upon those acrimonious and vilifying epithets 
 Avhich are incessantly bestowed upon you, I 
 should then deem it necessary to cast the sop 
 to Cerberus, by forwarding a copy of this pro- 
 duction gratis to every scribe among you. 
 
 cj.
 
 IV 
 
 But feeling conscious that the perfectibility of 
 your judgments can only be equalled by the 
 disinterestedness of your monthly criticisms^ I 
 shall fearlessly commit myself to the ordeal of 
 such uniform gentleiiess, candour, and undevi- 
 ating honour, a string of terms in every respect 
 synonymous with your inquisitorial avocations. 
 
 I have the honour to be, 
 
 Gentlemen, 
 
 with all becoming deference, 
 
 your most obediently devoted, 
 
 and very humble servant, 
 
 THE EDITOR.
 
 APOLOGY FOR A PREFACE. 
 
 Sampson slew his thousands with the jawbone of 
 an ass : then wherefore should not I perform similar 
 exploits with the quill of a goose ? The beast, in 
 propria persona, is no more terrific than the bird, 
 and the bone was as harmless as the feather, till 
 wielded in the grasp of that redoubted champion 
 of the Israelites. Philistines, therefore, (I would 
 say scribes), it is at ye I point the lance unbated 
 by the poison of envy, nor barbed with the thorn of 
 individual malice ; for, beUeve me, I am as inimical 
 to the premeditated cruelty of the one as superior 
 to the dastardly meanness of the other. 
 
 I am well aware that the contents of the follow- 
 ing pages will not prove palatable to many readers j 
 and, perhaps, there are but few writers who would
 
 VI 
 
 thus dare, en masse, a legion of individuals in many 
 respects gifted with far superior talents to those of 
 the person who has devoted his labours to the com- 
 pletion of this Herculean undertaking. 
 
 As I do not pretend to arrogate to myself per- 
 fectibility in a literary sense, I have, no doubt, in 
 some instances, been guilty of error ; and when- 
 soever such failing may appear to the disparage- 
 ment of mental worth, I must certainly take 
 shame to myself for a most unpardonable want of 
 discernment j but, on the other hand, if it shall be 
 found that I have committed to paper the language 
 of approval, where a contrary stricture was required, 
 I can only assert, that a lack of acumen upon my 
 part will be amply compensated for when it is 
 remembered, that 
 
 * Praise undeserved is satire in disguise.' 
 
 Every walk of literature possesses its determined 
 advocates j but there is no branch springing from
 
 Vll 
 
 the main stock which has so many ramifications, 
 and is consequently attended by such a host of 
 admirers, as the class of writers denominated poets j 
 therefore, when once a son of the Muse has en- 
 chanted with the strain of his lyre, the entrancing 
 charm, like that of the basilisk, inebriates the senses 
 of the reader, and from that moment he conceives 
 it impossible that any mediocre performance can 
 depreciate the sublimity of the scribe : it is an 
 absolute assurance of the validity of this statement 
 which first impelled the writer to attempt the sub- 
 ject matter of the ensuing pages, which are only 
 offered as a corrective dose to curb that mental 
 effervescence which, running wild from the track 
 of sober judgment, receives, with indiscriminate 
 plaudit, the flights of legitimate talent, and the 
 bastard ebullitions of rant and bathos. 
 
 As I have been sufficiently explicit in the pro- 
 gress of my pages, it would be superfluous to 
 descant further upon this topic ; a long preface 
 to a reader is like a monotonous and undeviating
 
 Vlll 
 
 route to the traveller, who, anxious to arrive at 
 the termination of his journey, beholds the object 
 constantly in vista without seeming to approximate 
 towards the desired goal. In order, therefore, to 
 escape this charge, which is too frequently, and 
 with justice alleged against the sons and daughters 
 of literature, I shall, though arrogantly, conclude 
 by stating, that 
 
 Good wine needs no bouche.
 
 trtbbleomania. 
 
 INTRODUCTORY LINES. 
 
 Tros, Tyriusve mihi nullo discrimine agetur. 
 
 Virgil. 
 
 I pay no attention to persons ; all shall be treated by me without 
 distinction. 
 
 Well mounted I come from the stream of Parnass, 
 My palfrey a long-ear'd and well-curried ass ; 
 While arm'd with a quill, and the dear ebon juice, 
 Precedes me with ink-horn the sage waddling goose. 
 Whose quacking you'll own is the very repeater 
 Of my famous Muse when engaged upon metre. 
 
 u
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Yet, soft ! sliall I dare, a presumptuous elf. 
 Thus claim all the quills of a goose to myself? 
 Forbid it. Ma'am Candour, its quackings belong 
 To crowds that like me claim the Bays for the 
 
 Song ; 
 Sincej^ror scribendi now rages so wide. 
 That rhymsters may waddle with geese side by 
 
 side : 
 But in proof of the prowess my wit can infuse. 
 And stamp myself truly a son of the Muse, 
 Though loudly the Bards all against me may halloo, 
 I rank with the Nine a true chip of Apollo ; 
 And my name when you hear it must make a great 
 
 splash, 
 I*m christ*n'd Sir Noodle O' Scrihbleaimdash. 
 Some writers there are, who possessing no fame. 
 Would snatch from my temples the Laurel I claim ; 
 Who dare, without reading, all subjects critique, 
 Whether Metre or Prose, Hebrew, Latin, or Greek ; 
 But vers'd in all topics I*m fram'd for my station, 
 The Giant Reviewer of England's great Nation !
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 My noddle with erudite lore arm'd quite thorough. 
 Defying Reviewers of fam'd Edinborough-f{a) 
 Who, staunch as their itch, send each Autiior to pot. 
 That cannot proclaim he's by birth a true Scot. 
 With feelings more candid I 'gin ray career, 
 And judge, without prejudice, peasant and peer ; 
 
 (a) There is no need to cross the Tweed in order to prove the 
 illiberality of the reviewers of literature, as the metropolis of 
 England teems every month with specimens of the grossest in- 
 justice, couched under assurances of the most scrupulous disin^ 
 terestedness on the part of the editors, who are biassed by 
 public opinion ; not to lay any stress upon private pique, which 
 has too frequently instigated theii- proceedings. One instance, 
 however, the writer has to record, as coming directly under his 
 cognizance, of a literary character, who, while in the practice of 
 affixing his name to the title-page of his productions, was uni- 
 formly handled in the most illiberal manner ; whereas, no sooner 
 had he adopted the expedient of annexing a Jalse signature, 
 than several of these conscientious censors of literature, who 
 would not have allowed this author the smallest share of praise 
 had his name been rendered public, were tlieraselves the most 
 conspicuous in blazoning forth his productions, as being charac- 
 terised by every requisite that could render them worthy the 
 patronage of the pubhc. 
 
 B 2
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 The fine vellum, wire-wove, broad margin, hot- 
 pressed. 
 
 With Buhner and Ballantine' s types choicely 
 dress'd ; 
 
 Not plates with vignettes can my acumen blind, 
 
 And make me commend where I cannot trace 
 mind : 
 
 So if SmitJifielcrs Long Lane e'er should pathos 
 produce, 
 
 I'd praise whity-brown, and consign to a use 
 
 ■Which here can't be mention'd the hot-press'd that 
 bore 
 
 Of title and fortune the dull leaden lore. 
 
 I envy no talent in poor or in great, 
 
 I laud or condemn void of spleen or of hate ; 
 
 For genius I search, truly fir'd in the cause, 
 
 And merit, when found, shall ensure my applause; 
 
 While upstarts, that dare load the press with their 
 trash, 
 
 Shall taste of Sir Noodle O' Scribble the lash.
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 And faith there's of Authors so many found tripping, 
 Where one merits praise, ninety-nine deserve 
 whipping ; (b) 
 
 (b) Notwithstanding the correctness of the above assertion, it 
 is hoped that no young bard will despair of arrivuig at the summit 
 of Parnassus, be his dawning effusions what they may, when it 
 is remembered that the great Jonathan Sicift made his debut in 
 the literary world by one of the most wretched odes that could 
 disgrace the votaries of Grub-street: for the truth of which 
 assertion let the following extracts stand recorded. 
 
 " The first of plants, after the thunder-storm and rain. 
 And thence, with joyful, nimble wing. 
 Flew dutifully back again." 
 
 " Who by that, vainly talks of baffling death. 
 
 And hopes to lessen life by a transfusion of breath ?" 
 
 Again, 
 
 " And seem almost transform'd to water, flame, and air, 
 So well you answer all phenomenas there." 
 
 If any thing, however, could contribute to the disgrace of
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 So each back of often der my weapon assails 
 
 Will doubtless exclaim, 'tis a cat with nine tails; 
 
 But if idiots will arrogate Wisdom's array. 
 
 They deserve to be laughed at as donkeys that bray : 
 
 Thus having spoke plain to each genius and doodle. 
 
 They know what they have to expect from Sir 
 
 Noodle, 
 Who now ends his comment with counsel that's 
 
 trite. 
 Let men learn to read ere they venture to 'write. 
 Since man in his nature cannot control wit, 
 Poeta, says Ovid, is born and Nonjit. (c) 
 
 w riting such a poem, it is the folly of having addressed it, with 
 a very silly introductory letter, to the writers of the Athenian 
 Oracle ; a set of people whose conceit in offering to answer all 
 questions, ignorance in giving solutions, and credulity in listen- 
 nig to the grossest falsehoods, is rendered conspicuous through- 
 out the work in question. i\t the period when the above men- 
 tioned ode was written, Swift had attained the age of ticenty- 
 four. 
 
 {c) The following quotation, from a modern author, is in- 
 serted, as peculiarly applicable to the above line :
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 As the grand Mart that issues most trash that 
 
 appals 
 Is close to the Temple of Pray'r, fam'd Samt Pauls-, 
 
 " To ye, all Authors' known propellers, 
 I tune my lays, renov\'n'd Booksellers ! 
 Ye, from whose spacious shops doth issue 
 Of printed nonsense ev'ry tissue ; 
 'Tis you yield foreigners' oblations, 
 By patronizing dull Translations ; 
 With eagerness strive to ensure 
 The marv'llous Travel— vapid Tour : 
 Nor let me here discountenance 
 Tlie choicest food, yclep'd Romance ; 
 Or Novel, which tlie damsel fetters, 
 So it be not compos'd in letters : 
 These are your glories, volume venders, 
 My literary trash defenders. 
 So calculated to dissect. 
 And knock down stable intellect ; 
 Wherefore ye give as much delight 
 As those who print, and such as write. 
 In consequence of which, dear asses, 
 I see no difference in your classes ; 
 But hold, downright, that you all three 
 Are rank'd of Zany's company."
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Lo ! I on the gold ball aloft take my stand. 
 To view all the scribbling tribe of our land ; 
 And as I my comments thus chaunt from above, 
 I scorn Folly's anger, revere Wisdom's love ; 
 With Swift I must cry, may it e'er be my fate. 
 By fools to be hated as Folly I hate. 
 
 Good Lord, from this summit what tribes meet my 
 
 view ! 
 Of asses, how many ! of wise men, how few ! 
 The friend o^ Religion by dulness inspir'd; 
 The Methodist Ranter with blasphemy fir'd ; 
 The Moralist tame on the virtues he handles ; 
 The Politic Wight penning trash to light candles ; 
 Historian with mind just obscured in a mist. 
 As dense as his brother dull Topographist. 
 Next Surgeons and Doctors prescribe horrid lotion ; 
 The Satyrist puts gaping feeling in motion ; 
 Biographer comes to assume leaden station. 
 And wretched pretenders to new Education ;
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Witli whom Commentators may well assume place, 
 
 And grave Antiquarians, a maniac race. 
 
 Next follow the Poets ; my stars, what a number ! 
 
 Romancers and Novelists, Folly's true lumber ; 
 
 The stay at-home writers of Travels and Tours, 
 
 Of snug chimney corners renownM connoisseurs ; 
 
 While Dramatists vapid alike join the band. 
 
 And Musical Doctors that dance hand in hand. 
 
 To these let us add the poor drudge. Pamphleteer, 
 
 Periodical Writers that sot over beer. 
 
 The Scribes Miscellaneous, but mere hodge-podge 
 
 rakers, 
 Great Lexicograpliers and Catalogue-makers : 
 In fine, the amalgama serves as a mark. 
 To point out the tenants of Noah's great ark ; 
 Since by all that is holy, with beast and with bird 
 You'll find as good company I'll pledge my word.(f/) 
 The Greeks and the Romans had Poets we know, 
 Who felt of Apollo the exquisite glow ; 
 
 (d) Difficile est satiram non scribere. Juvenal. 
 
 Such is the situation of thJng<?,that it is difficult to avoid writing 
 -at ire.
 
 10 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 An Homer, with Hesiod and Pindar, combine 
 The soul-thrilHng flights of a Fancy divine ; 
 While Horace and Virgil, with Ovid, proclaim 
 The genius that blazon'd the old Roman name : 
 But of Data more recent, our England has shown 
 That talent adorn'd once Britannia's bright zone. 
 For imag'ry Spenser fe) ranks first 'midst the band; 
 A Shakespeare and Milton illumin'd the land ; 
 
 (e) With all due deference to Sir Noodle's perspicuity, 1 
 conceive that he has not done justice to tlie republic of letters 
 in Great Britain, by placing Spoiser as the leading star in 
 our literary hemisphere. Though the phraseology be uncouth, 
 nevertheless every thing is due to the lucubrations of venerable 
 Chaucer. The sweetness of Lord Surry, who infused the ten- 
 derness of Petrarch throughout his sonnets, must always confer 
 honour upon the age when his effusions met publicity. Nor be 
 the name of Sir Thomas More forgotten, who, for energy and 
 perspicuousness of style, is not inferior to any subsequent writer 
 whatsoever; and whose great abilities are summed up in the fol- 
 lowing words by Burnet, in his Specimens of English Prose 
 Writers, vol. i. p. 394. 
 
 " Sir Thomas More is justly regarded as one of the chief 
 " revivers of classical literature in England. He both wrote
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. li 
 
 As satirist, Butler unique is enroll'd ; 
 
 In Dryden^ the Poet sublime we behold : 
 
 To these join a Thomson, and high-finish'd Pope ; 
 
 In science, give Bacon, Locke, Newto?i full scope ; 
 
 For style chaste and easy, note Addison, Steele, 
 
 With Goldsmith, whose pathos makes ev'ry breast 
 
 feel; 
 While to these might be added an host worthy praise. 
 Deserving the loudest applause from my lays. 
 
 " and spoke Latin with almost the correctness and fluency of 
 " an ancient Roman; and with all his theological errors, he 
 " taught that erudition which civilized his country. He is 
 " scarcely less conspicuous as an improver of his native tongue. 
 " His language is more studied, more appropriate and correct, 
 " is more the phraseology of a man of learning and sense, than 
 " any specimen which preceded him. From his proficiency in 
 " the Greek and Latin, he was enabled to transfuse into his 
 " vernacular dialect many of the excellencies whicli characterise 
 " those admirable languages ; and his style abounds with inver- 
 " sions and other peculiarities of classical diction. His Enghsh 
 *' works were considered as standards of style, as low down as 
 ^' the reitsn of James the first."
 
 12 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Such once were the Suns that shone forth in our 
 
 sphere ; 
 Reverse now the scene, and let moderns appear. 
 Too pompous to study, thro* thick and thro' thin 
 They dash on, the bright wreathe of verdure to win; 
 Disdaining, at all times, to think or reflect ; 
 Too proud to re-read, to re-write, or correct : 
 As if, when composing, perfection was in 'em, 
 And Phoebus himself was determin'd to win 'em. 
 In fine, the press teems with such trash in each 
 
 quarter. 
 One would think all the world quaff'd Parnassus's 
 
 water ; (/) 
 
 (f) But if you'd have me now expose 
 
 Th' ingredients which a work compose, 
 
 And all the hodge-podge designate 
 
 W hich modern scribes amalgamate, 
 
 For grand induction they must boast. 
 
 Sheer impudence to rule the roast ; 
 
 They should have flippant readings — tantum-. 
 
 Of anecdotes and tales a quantum;
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 13 
 
 I mean dirty puddle, not oozing from fountain. 
 But slush from the ditch that's in rear of the moun- 
 tain. 
 For as it is said, when true glory impels, 
 The loud tongue of Fame ev'ry noble deed tells ; 
 
 Just know each famous name classic, 
 
 Their study being all on tick : 
 
 They must aloud have publish'd banns 
 
 To tenets wedded of Germans ; 
 
 Philosophy just fram'd to quell 
 
 Satan, and make of Heav'n an Hell : 
 
 These, with a flow of words high sounding, 
 
 Descriptions every where abounding, 
 
 A vain attempt at being witty, 
 
 A flim-flam Tale to call forth pity, 
 
 A spice of sentiment and moral. 
 
 To 'lure church-goers as with coral. 
 
 To heav'n some few apostrophes 
 
 That men may think they're oft on knees ; 
 
 Then add fine paper, choice engravings : 
 
 Of studious fools they thus lull cravings ; 
 
 And when perus'd, the leaves can't fail 
 
 To do kind office for the tail."
 
 14 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 But that when, vice versa, the act's only base, 
 She blows second trump from a contrary place : 
 So Poets, who taste of the pure limpid stream, 
 Are warni'd by the radiance of Phoebus's beam ; 
 While rhymsters, divested of merit, must drink 
 Of liquid quite stagnant, that laves ditches brink. 
 Thus, to prove of the former how scant is the list. 
 While of those lastly mentioned how many exist. 
 Was the cause why this greatest of writers 'mongst 
 
 men, 
 Sir Noodle O' Scribblecumdask, took the pen ; 
 Whose erudite notes to my care Fate consign'd, 
 A pocket-book fill'd with wit, learning, and mind : — 
 But perhaps 'twere as well, with a trifling digression. 
 To state of this relic how I got possession. 
 As I long aim'd to rank Apollonian nibbler. 
 And thus share the fate of each quill-driving 
 
 scribbler, 
 I dwell in back garret just six stories high. 
 While opposite lattice, in lieu of the sky, 
 A huge stack of chimneys obscures the day's light. 
 And Sol's poorest blaze never gladdens my sight :
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 From this you may guess I am not over wealthy ; 
 However, my abstinence keeps me quite healthy : 
 For if once in the week I procure boil'd or roast. 
 O'er his Turtle no Citizen louder can boast. 
 As for wine or strong spirits to make Fancy free. 
 The chandler's shop beer is Nepenthe to me : 
 In short, with Tub- cynic I well may compare. 
 Though he enjoy'd more, for he saw the Sun's glare. 
 I've said once a week it perchance proves my lot 
 To regale upon roast meat, or boil'd from the pot ; 
 But when no such banquet my longing eye sees, 
 I rank Epicurus o'er Gloucester's thin cheese. 
 Which by penny's worth I from the chandler's si] op 
 
 bear, 
 Since hunger's a sauce, sir, that beggars compare. 
 So it chanc'd as I sped on this errand one day. 
 Of paper a pile on the counter there lay. 
 Which by weight had been purchas'd, brown sugar 
 
 to fold, 
 Tea,'soap, butter, cheese, starch, blue, dip or choice 
 
 mould :
 
 IG SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Thus, waiting my turn to be serv'd, I conn'd o'er, 
 Of paper consign 'd to such use, the old store; 
 When, dusty, at length from the heap forth I took 
 Sir Noodle's choice labours, that blazon this book ; 
 Which the vender of sundries, to science quite blind. 
 For Two-pence, mine All, to my hand straight con- 
 
 sign'd. 
 Thus, Copyright mine, let the Trade frown, I scoff it ; 
 The Publishers, d — n 'em, shall not filch the profit ; 
 Since, gluttons for pelf, they will never knock under ; 
 A phalanx of Harpies, intent upon plunder ; 
 Just deaf to the waitings of genius and merit, {g) 
 As mentally 'reft of one germ of true spirit : 
 A race which no venom can too much bespatter; 
 Whose deeds deserve lash of the most poignant 
 
 satire : 
 Mere jugglers, subjecting the toils of the press, 
 To issue forth nonsense in fine wire-wove dress. 
 
 (g) The above term is peculiar to many gentlemenof the Trade 
 who possess no feeling for any one but themselves, having the 
 most rooted predeliction for the old adage, that charity begins 
 at home.
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 1 7 
 
 For let them but once, as they wish— feel their wai/. 
 
 Obscenity, falsehood, and trash they'll display. 
 
 Style — Genius, mere nothings : — since Dryden sub- 
 lime 
 
 Might starve with his pathos, while fashion's dull 
 rhyme 
 
 Is palm'd forth, and thus public feeling debas'd ; 
 Since publishers heed neither judgment nor taste. 
 Two requisites hackney'd — not worthy a thought 
 Of moderns ; — with far diff 'rent acumen fraught. 
 To booksellers thus, and the press, we all owe 
 Of science profound the complete overthrow -, 
 But such as lack proofs, soon as conn'd are my 
 
 pages. 
 Will find asses rank on a par with the sages ; 
 So affirms wise Sir Noodle ; and who dares deny him ? 
 If such recreant now lives, I as champion defy him.
 
 THE WRITER TO HIS POETIC 
 BRETHREN. 
 
 -Mediocribus esse poetis 
 
 Non Dii, non homines, non concessere columnae. 
 
 Horace. 
 
 With poets mediocrity is not allowable, either by gods, or men, 
 or the pillars which support the shops of the booksellers. 
 
 JVIy prelude thus ended, I next, by degi'ees, 
 Must enact all the toils of renown'd Hercules', 
 For the theme is so copious of Scribblecuyndash, 
 I already feel symptoms bespeaking me rash ; 
 Since to bring in one focus all scribes — I'm less able. 
 Than to jabber with each tribe of workmen at Babel. 
 We're told a faint heart will not fair lady win ; 
 Thus I ne'er shall conclude, if I never begin :
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 19 
 
 Then at it, mv Pegasus, here's whip and rein. 
 Tally ho ! Tally ho ! dash it bold o'er the plain ; 
 Extol in thy race ev'ry son of Apollo, 
 And spurn with thine hoofs sconces all that are 
 
 hollow ; 
 Be justice the symbol that marks thy career. 
 For the organ of Truth is disdainful of fear : 
 ITaith, I've no rancour, nor mean I to show it j 
 In person I scarce know e'en one living Poet. 
 Their labours I've studied, and act from cool 
 
 reason ; 
 Thus folly and sense share due comments in season . 
 The flights of bold fancy shall first claim the 
 
 stricture, 
 For poets stand foremost on Noodle's grand picture, 
 From high vaunted Scot that has caus'd hue and 
 
 cry O ! 
 To Rkkman, self-dubb'd after great Mistress Clio. 
 
 c 2
 
 >OVltlftp*{h) 
 
 Aut insanit homo, aut versus facit. 
 
 Horace. 
 
 Either the man is mad, or writing verses. 
 
 1 iME was, when a man dar'd an Epic essay. 
 He cautious survey'd stumbling-blocks in his way ; 
 So first made enquiry if Phoebus had bless'd him. 
 And whether the Muses united caress*d him : 
 
 (hj This gentleman's voluminous productions seem to have 
 been written with a view to the display of his universal reading, 
 rather than of annexing to his name the title of a great and last- 
 ing poet: he has been esteemed a follower of JVordszcorth's
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 21 
 
 With acumen keen depth of study survey'd. 
 And if fancy in vestments of reason was 'ray'd; 
 For when sterling sense cannot genius bind fast. 
 All efforts prove madness — the style mere bombast. 
 
 style, without laying claim to the pathos which characterises a 
 variety of that gentleman's productions, notwithstanding his con- 
 tempt for all the heretofore acknowledged rules of poetical com- 
 position. Whensoever Mr. Souther/ issues from the press, we 
 find him arrayed in a different costume, though one unvarying 
 predeliction for the wonderful runs through the whole series of 
 his poems. His Joaji of Arc, hastily composed after the manner 
 of Milton and other epic poets, though possessing merit, is par- 
 ticularly deficient on the score of patriotism, as every Gallic 
 chief is elevated to the rank of an hero, while our fifth Henry, 
 Talbot, &c. are scarcely raised above the common walk of Hfe. 
 Thalaba the Destroyer, after the model of the Arabian Tales, 
 is characterised by some bold but extravagant flights. Madoc, 
 though generally pleasing, on account of the mild sentiments 
 which breathe throughout that production, is nevertheless ren- 
 dered irksome to the reader, at intervals, from insipidity and 
 lameness of style. Kehama, diversified with the rhapsodies of 
 Thalaba, and the gentleness of the last mentioned poem, claims 
 precedence above the rest ; and whatsoever genius this writer 
 may possess is certainly elicited from the work in question.
 
 22 SCRIBBLT^O\TANIA. 
 
 These points well consider* d, he next conn'd the 
 
 page. 
 To find a theme fitting his Muse to engage ; 
 
 Upon analyzing the productions of Mr. Souther/, it will be 
 found that he is most anxious to make the world acquainted 
 w ith the multiplicity of books that have engrossed his attention : 
 to accomphsh which purpose he has neglected the arrangement 
 of his ideas, and a due attention to the groundwork of his plans ; 
 two concomitants which are absolutely essential to ensure the 
 poet universal and unperishable fame. 
 
 A poem entitled the Dmmiation of Ruvomisha, from the 
 pen of Rodrigo Haddocks, Esq., is a production in the style of 
 Southey ; containing a portion of the extravaganza of that 
 writer's Curse of Kehama, while the versification is much more 
 regular than the laureat's poem of Thalaha the Destroyer. 
 There is, indeed, no part of the production of Mr. Maddocks 
 which can compare with Kehama's entrance through eight por- 
 tals at the same juncture of time ; or of the orb compounded 
 of a thousand little eyes kneaded irdo one. All that it is requi- 
 site to state, respecting the Damnation of Ruvomisha, is, that 
 such individuals who may be partial to the most marvellous of 
 the marvellous will find ample food for the indulgence of dieir 
 predeliction on perusal of the work in question.
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 23 
 
 And the purpose achieved, next with care plann'd 
 
 the story ; 
 The sage was sublime, and the hero all glory ; 
 And years thus revolving, when toil found an 
 
 end. 
 He next gave his poem to each critic friend ; 
 Read o*er their remarks, then corrected anew. 
 Each line thus subjected to keenest review: 
 "When diffident still, and with feelings oppress'd. 
 His Epic for months he consign'd to the chest ; 
 Till clamours of those who had greeted with praise 
 At length urg'd him on to dispense wide his 
 
 lays, 
 Which living ensur'd to his brows verdant wreath, 
 And 'shrin'd him with fame of a genius in death. 
 Such erst was the practice when study and science 
 To vapid effusions at once bad defiance : 
 The poet conceiving o?7e Epic, well fraught, 
 A work with the labour of life cheaply bought. 
 But now in a Laureat that's living, we find 
 A bard truly gifted with Parnassian mind -,
 
 24 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 He thinks your grand epic no more than a jest O, 
 Cut and dried in six weeks he'll produce one, hie 
 
 Presto^ 
 As carpenters work by the piece ; so to joke us, 
 Great Southey performs all his flights Hocus Pocus. 
 And faith he has now brought himself to believe 
 That Poems with ease you may spin and may weave ; 
 While his Odes, I'll be sworn, will not give me the 
 
 lie ; 
 For his talent now feeds on a very stale Pye.(i) 
 Having thus far descanted on Soiithey's sublime^ 
 I need say no more on the subject of rhyme ; 
 Since he that in Blanlc- Verse a sloven can be. 
 Must slur ev'ry flight of divine poesy; 
 
 (j) Whatsoever may have been the failings in Southey^ s Car men 
 Triumphale, it would be invidious not to allow his Kicubration 
 more merit than was to be found in the compositions of his 
 predecessor ; wherefore the present laureat may well apply 
 these words of Terence to the defunct — Da locum melioribus.
 
 SCRTBBLEOMANIA. 25 
 
 So to lying odes bound, to poor pension and sack (7), 
 To the P ce I must needs say alack, Sir, alack ! 
 
 (j) Louer les Princes des Vertus qu'ils n'ont pas, c'est leur 
 dire impunement des injures. — Rochefoucault. 
 
 " Princes command those pliant curs, 
 
 Those cringing dogs, Fame's Trumpeters ; 
 
 Rhymsters who praise 'em to the skies, 
 
 And meanest actions eulogize ; 
 
 Plaudits encomiastical, 
 
 That stride on stilts, bombastical ; 
 
 Or vie with flights of Hecate's grooms 
 
 Witches ; that ride upon birch-brooms ; 
 
 Who'll journey iu one hour or so, 
 
 Where none of us will ever go : 
 
 E'en such are the enchanting flights 
 
 Of panegyrists *, Errant Knights ! 
 
 Tliat whitewash one as grim'd as Nero, 
 
 And make him shine abroad — an hero." 
 
 * Alas ! the golden aera wiUi poets and authors is now no ni(»re ! There 
 was, indeed, a period when a well-seasoned title or dedication would command its 
 price from some profligate courtier or demi-rep of fashion, as there still 
 exi.sted the uish at least to appear what they really were notj but now, every
 
 26 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Thus Sojithey^ who once wrote for freedom — 
 
 egad, 
 True turn-coat, can right about face, pliant lad ; 
 *Tis to creatures like these laureat labours belong ; 
 A soul truly fir'd wou'd disdain flattery's song : 
 
 rlass out Heroth shame, daring alike the language of reproof and the keen lash 
 of correction, without deigning to subsidize a venal pen in order to throw a 
 gloss over the flagrant dereliction. As a specimen, however, of this species of 
 composition, taken in its fullest extent, may tend to amuse, I shall present the 
 subjoined Trithout further apology. 
 
 Father de Aranaz published a book at Pampeluna in favour of Philip 
 the Vth, the title of which, rendered into English word for word, ran as fol- 
 lows. 
 
 " The Lord Philip Vth is true King of Spain of God's own making : the 
 *' Tower of the second David, persecuted and victorious, fortified with three 
 " bulwarks, viz. Justice, Religion, and Politics, to which a thousand Shields 
 " are fastened to defend his Crown j dedicated and consecrated to the King 
 '' our Lord, whom God preserve for the Glory of Spain and the Good of 
 " Christendom. By Father Hyacinthus D'Aranaz, a native of the most 
 " faithful city of Sanguessa, Doctor of Divinity, Synodal Examiner of the 
 " Archbishopric of Toledo, Chaplain to his Majesty, &c. &c". 
 
 This fanatical, I might add farcical writer, compares his work to a fortress 
 with three bulwarks. Fifteen shields are fastened to the first, eight to the 
 second, and four to the third. To get into that fortress, one must go through 
 a portico, where, says the author, one may be informed that the Devil, in 
 quality of the Prince of Discord, inspires the malcontents with a desire of 
 changing their king ; and has entrusted the heretics with the execution of 
 such enterprize.
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 27 
 
 So proceed in thy course, ape the courtier's 
 
 career, (k) 
 And with shame braid thy temples each fresli 
 
 coming year. 
 
 (k) Adiilandi gens prudentissima laudat 
 
 Sermonem indocti, faciem deformis amici. Juvenal, 
 
 The skilful race of flatterers praises the discourse of the ig- 
 iiorant; and the face of the deformed friend. 
 
 Does not a rhymster fire explode 
 When he composes Birth-day Ode ? 
 A subject now become so stale, 
 TTis worse than ten days uncork'd ale ; 
 And yet is render'd staler by 
 My poet drone's dull poetry.
 
 ^nacreon ^oore. 
 
 Anacreon. 
 I kick the world before me. 
 
 If frame of a mortal enshrines fancy's store. 
 
 Such genius exists in the mind of a Moore : 
 
 The soul of Anacreon his couplets impart, 
 
 Of Cupid he levels the conquering dart. 
 
 While of beauty's bright goddess he loosens the 
 
 zone. 
 His style, point, and metre, completely his own. (/) 
 
 (/) Menage, speaking of Martial, the epigrammatist, asserts, 
 that there is no Latin poet whatsoever in whose works there are
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 29 
 
 Sometimes he will doubtless offend prudish ears. 
 And matrons may feel for their offspring some 
 
 fears ; 
 Yet failings like these are with beauties so blended, 
 Where censure is due, still the bard is commended. 
 But leaving such themes, let us view him turn wag, 
 A Post Boy poetic, with two-penny hag ; (m) 
 
 so many things that might have transpired in the course of con- 
 versation as are to be found in the epigrams of this poet ; and 
 in like manner no writer of the present epoch can compare with 
 Mr. Moore in his amatory effusions and the easy flow of his 
 versification ; the perusal of which never fails to bring to recol- 
 lection the lines of Virgil, taken in a literal sense, where he says, 
 
 Tale tuum carmen nobis, divine Poeta, 
 
 Quale sopor fessis. 
 
 As pleasing are thy verses to us, divine Poet, as sleep is to the 
 wearied, &,c. &c. 
 
 It appears, indeed, as if this gentleman was inspired with all 
 the exuberance of Ovid, and the mental energy of Armstrong ; 
 he never assumes the pen but to entrance with delight, and 
 stamp upon the mind a conviction that Poeta nascitur nonjit. 
 
 (m) It has been disputed whether the abovementioned pro- 
 duction is from the pen of the gentleman now under review
 
 so SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 "■■■'" ■ ' • ■■"••'i^ - 
 
 His letters satiric bring Horace to view, 
 
 Of Mai'tial combining the acumen too ; 
 
 While classic quotations show such erudition. 
 
 No wonder the book was in great requisition : 
 
 In fine, both as master of metre and song. 
 
 For love, wine, and wit, Moore ranks first of the 
 
 throng 5 
 Nor will I, in praising, retrench e'en a tittle. 
 For all I can say proves that all is too little : (ji) 
 
 whO; I believe, denies any knowledge of this satiric effusion ; the 
 appearance of which is said to have deprived him of a very 
 lucrative post under the Governor-General of India. As the 
 above lines, however, denominate Mr. Moore as the writer of 
 The Txco-Pe)inij Post Bag, I should conjecture that the poet 
 had some just cause for venturing upon the allegation: at all 
 events, 1 can only say. as the humble annotator, that if the 
 genuine trijie in question be not the production of our offspring 
 of Anacreon, there are certainly two suns now blazing in the 
 w orld of literature. 
 
 («) It was a frequent complaint of Goldsmith j that he lived 
 in too late an age for poetry: he seemed to consider the 
 simple and genuine productions of the Muse as of too delicate 
 a nature to arrest the attention of minds accustomed to the
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 31 
 
 Bright son of Apollo ! as such I salute thee ; 
 In lauding thy merits, my tongue ne'er shall mute 
 be. 
 
 strong stimuli of trade aud ambition. Will the present age 
 give the lie to this theory? — Never surely was there a greater 
 abundance of poets than have sprung up in our days; and these 
 poets have small reason to complain of coldness on the, part of 
 the public. But so strongly have we at present imbibed the 
 spirit of trade, that we seem only to estimate a poet by the 
 quantity of his productions, and the price they bear in the 
 market. Were the few exquisite poems of a Goldsmith now to 
 appear for the first time, they would make no impression on a 
 public accustomed to quartos of original poetry by the month. 
 A certain quantity of poetry is wanted in a given time, and he is 
 accounted the greatest poet who can furnish the readiest and 
 most abundant supply. That I am not going too far in my 
 assertion, I have only to instance two well-known living poets. 
 The one, Anacreon Moore, has from time to time produced 
 some of the most exquisite lyrical effusions in our language; 
 and which must dwell on the memory of every lover of the 
 Muse But are the public contented with these ? Every one 
 allows their merit. Yet why, it is asked, can he not produce a 
 more elaborate work ? For this reason alone ; he seems to be at 
 present totally eclipsed by Walter Scott, the great fashionable 
 poet of the day, whose surprising fertility a charitable British 
 public seems willing to ascribe to an inexhaustible fancy. In-
 
 Munus Apolliiie dignum. 
 A labour worthy of Apollo. 
 
 Horace. 
 
 With vigorous pennon a Rogers now soars. 
 And the regions of fancy with boldness explores 
 No liackney'd effusions his pages debase, 
 The theme ever florid abounds with true grace ; 
 
 exhaustible this poet certainly is ; but where are the passages 
 which bespeak a warm and creative fancy, and which soar 
 beyond a certain easy mediocrity ? Where is to be found the 
 curious felicity which has always stamped a genuine offspring 
 of the Muse ?
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. S3 
 
 His study has been not for quantum to strive. 
 But with beauties to keep the attention alive j 
 And the Pleasures of Memory still shall remain. 
 While mentally stamp'd in the flights of his 
 
 brain ; (o) 
 Of Bards then I greet him, true star in our sphere, 
 With radiance poetic, most brilliantly clear. 
 Thus thy theme I must hail, pure indigenous plant 
 Of Parnassus* stream ; and thy volume, though scant. 
 Is more precious to me than huge quarto well stor'd 
 By witling, who caters for fashion's dull board : 
 
 The latter nought beaming save brightness of paste ; 
 While the former, a gem of first water enchasM, 
 
 (o) The perspicuous manner in which Sir Noodle has deli- 
 vered his opinion of Mr. Rogers's production needs no com- 
 ment. I shall therefore dismiss the present note by requesting 
 that if there be any lover of the Muse now existing, who has 
 not feasted his mind upon the glowing numbers of this gentle- 
 man, he will forthwith make his peace with Apollo, by purchasing 
 the Pleasures of Memori/, which, once read, can never be for- 
 gotten. 
 
 D
 
 34 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Sheds lustre unfaded, no cloud can o'ercast. 
 
 Since Fame to the verge of old Time still must last. 
 
 Thus ranks Poet Rogers, with mind chastely 
 
 glowing : 
 Wou*d each bard, like him, was with genius 
 
 o'erflowing !
 
 Campbell 
 
 Natura ipse valere, et mentis viribus excitari, et quasi quodam 
 divino spiritu afflari. Cicero. 
 
 To be powerful from nature ; impelled by the energies of the 
 mind, and to feel, as it were, the inspiration of a Divine Spirit. 
 
 Hope's path, lo ! with pleasures a Cmnpbell next 
 
 strews. 
 True fancy with lustre enshrining the Muse ^ 
 His scenes rapid changing, revolve boundless scope. 
 Each vision the phantasy nurtur'd of Hope. 
 As in Comus of Milton bright gems stud each line. 
 The fire of a Genius ne*er resting supine, 
 
 d2
 
 36 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 So his vesture our Bard dipp'd in heaven's azure 
 
 beam, 
 And Hope seems no longer Delusion's gay dream : 
 Enchain 'd by his number, dark Fate is forgot. 
 Our passage through life ranks of Angels the lot ; 
 The sunshine of pleasure dispels sorrow's tears, (/?) 
 And the soul seems entranc'd by the choir of the 
 
 spheres. 
 Oh ! welcome, fond Hope, choicest boon from above. 
 The balm of affliction and soother of love ; 
 
 ip) When sunbeams illumine the sphere, we are gladdened 
 by the brilliancy of their rays; and when the soul of poetry 
 vibrates on the mind, we own the heavenly inspiration. It is 
 therefore sufficient that the Pleasures of If ope be enrolled, to 
 invigorate every thrill that emanates from the effusions of har- 
 monic and vigorous poesy. Having thus dismissed a Campbell 
 M ith a eulogy inadequate to his deserts, which are so conspicuous 
 throughout all his performances, I cannot refrain from coupling 
 with the above-mentioned bard the name of Conper, which has 
 no less conferred the highest honour upon the votaries of true 
 genius in our matchless isle.
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 37 
 
 Thy precept enchanting, by Campbell design'd, 
 *Graves each budding joy on my sensitive mind : 
 Then live, sweetest soother! my soul's dearest 
 
 treasure ; 
 The pathway of Peace, and the beacon of Pleasure.
 
 Ubi mel, ibi apes. Plautus. 
 
 Where there is honey, there will the bees swarm. 
 
 Stand forth, playful Burns, that on sweet native 
 
 reed 
 Erst pip'd roundelay which of praise claims the 
 
 meed: 
 Tho* tarnish*d by failings, such conduct yet prov'd 
 Thy mind by the Muses was fondly belov'd ; 
 For tlie race of Apollo have faulty been found. 
 In mazes performing this life's fitful round. 
 Forgive, then, his deeds; since the actor we know 
 To none, save himself, play'd the part of a foe :
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 39 
 
 And of spirit consign'd to the realms of the dead, 
 'Twere baseness that aught like reproof should be 
 
 said. 
 'Tis the produce of mind, not the labour of man, 
 I, Sir Scribbleciimdash, here endeavour to scan : 
 So, pleased, I must greet our true Bard with 
 
 applause. 
 Whose genius, divested of classical laws, 
 Combin'd sterling wit, vigor, pathos, and ease ; 
 And point, feeling, energy, always must please : {q) 
 
 [q) Independently of the works published during the lifetime 
 of Burns, which have excited, and so justly continue to excite 
 public applause, the world is also mdebted to the persevering 
 and praiseworthy researches of the late Mr. Cromk for the 
 poetical and prose remauis of this offspring of talent; which 
 not only tend to enhance the Bard in the estimation of literary 
 characters, but also display him in that social point of view 
 which truly delineates the soul of this unsophisticated child of 
 Caledonian sonjj.
 
 40 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Which attributes potent, I'll dare to engage, 
 Ne'er shone forth more prominent during our age. 
 Some scribes who write fast, and are flippant at 
 
 rhymes. 
 Think Genius is center' d in tol-de-rol chimes ; 
 A notion, which, aided by dull prosing Bish, 
 Infuses through all ranks of females a wish 
 Spick span from the press on wove foolscap to 
 
 issue. 
 Of jingle and nonsense an exquisite tissue. 
 Alas ! silly elfs; though a Burns wrote at pleasure, (r) 
 He charms not alone with mere rhyming and 
 measure ; 
 
 (r) If an intuitive genius for poetry be allowed to have 
 existence, Burns, as well as Chatterton, and numerous others, 
 was certainly gifted with the divine inspiration ; which does not 
 only consist in harmonious versification, but equally combines 
 wit and an exquisite refinement of every emanation of the heart. 
 As there are, however, gradations in this mental impetus, I shall 
 leave it to the reader's judgment to decide if the ensuing anecdote
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 41 
 
 A flame he possess'd, by Apollo bestow'd, 
 And the Muses all cherish'd the sacred abode : 
 
 affords an instance of talent remaining dormant, or whether the 
 force of momentary feeling actuated the soul of the writer. 
 
 In the year 1758, John Wilson, a young man of slender edu- 
 cation, was condemned to suifer death for a riot. The contri- 
 tion which he evinced for the crime thus committed, too^ether 
 with his youth and good character, induced his majesty, on the 
 representation of several respectable persons, to extend that 
 most amiable prerogative of the crown — royal mercy. In a few 
 hours after the reprieve had reached the repentant convict, he 
 poured forth the eflfusions of his grateful heart in the following 
 verses, which were penned with his own hand ; although it was 
 never known that he had ever before attempted any thing of a 
 metrical nature. 
 
 And live I yet, by Power divine ? 
 
 And have I still my course to run ? 
 Again brought back, in its decline, 
 
 The shadow of my parting Sun ? 
 
 Wond'ring I ask, is this the breast 
 
 Strugglmg so late with grief and pain ? 
 
 The eyes which upward look'd for rest, 
 And dropp'd their wearied lids again ■
 
 42 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 In fine, *twas as easy with Burns to excel, 
 
 As for thousands to chime forth stupidity's knell. 
 
 The recent horrors still appear ; 
 
 Oh ! may they never cease to awe ! 
 Still be the King of Terrors near. 
 
 Whom late in all his pomp I saw. 
 
 Torture and grief prepar'd his way, 
 And pointed to a yawning tomb ; 
 
 Darkness behind eclips'd the day, 
 And check'd my forward hopes to come. 
 
 But now the dreadful storm is o'er, 
 Ended, at last, the doubtful strife ; 
 
 And, living, I the hand adore 
 
 That gave me back again to life. 
 
 God of my life ! what just return 
 Can sinful dust and ashes give i 
 
 1 only live my sins to mourn ; 
 To love my God, 1 only live. 
 
 To thee, benign and sacred Power, 
 I consecrate my lengthened days ; 
 
 While, mark'd with blessings, every hour 
 Shall speak my co-extended praise.
 
 Bloomfielti, 
 
 Tantum de medio sumpiis accedit honoris. 
 
 Horace. 
 
 A certain portion of honor is due to those] labours which are 
 derived from middle or common life. 
 
 1 o chronicle Bloornfield I cannot refuse, 
 Renown*d for onejiv^ht of Simplicity's Muse ; 
 The poor Farmer*s Boj/, his sole offspring of merit, 
 Each subsequent effort divested of spirit. 
 He pictur'd the scenes which in childhood he 
 
 knew. 
 His style unaffected ; — his portraiture true :
 
 44 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Thus the poem, as effort didactic, must stand 
 Rusticity's tale from Veracity's hand. (5) 
 
 (5) If the rapid sale of a work can speak for its merits, the 
 Farmer's Boy must claim the most unbounded commendation : 
 beauties it certainly does possess, what will ever deservedly rank 
 it a favourite with a British public. As for the subsequent 
 labours of Mr. Bloomjield, they so far fall short of this dawning 
 effusion as scarcely to appear the performances of the same 
 writer: and I am by no means singular in my opinion, when I 
 aver that had this gentleman dropped the pen upon the comple- 
 tion of the Farmer's Boy, his poetic talent would not have ex- 
 perienced any diminution in the judgment of literary censors. 
 Urged, as I conjecture, by the success of his brother, Mr. Na- 
 thaniel Bloomjield also enlisted himself under the auspices of 
 the Nine; but his attempts can never place him upon a par 
 with his relative, M'hen the Farmer's Boy becomes the subject of 
 consideration. Among other poems of this description, an 
 anonymous writer has favoured the public with The Fisher Boy, 
 Sailor Boy, Cottage Girl, and Jack Junk; four productions 
 Avhich have met with considerable applause. They portray 
 the unvarnished delineations of life, as far as the scenes extend 
 which they were composed to delineate ; and if morality, pa- 
 triotism, and an easy style of versitication can gratify a reader, 
 these poems are not unworthy the patronage already conferred 
 upon them.
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 45 
 
 Such praise claims the bard, nor shall candour 
 
 disown it ; 
 I love native worth, and will ever enthrone it : 
 Nevertheless, in their plaudits some friends over 
 
 warm. 
 The dictates of reason wou'd fain take by storm ; 
 Such critics as boldly advanc'd potent reasons. 
 To prove Farmer s Boy vied with Thomson*s fam'd 
 
 Seasons : (/) 
 
 (t) Mr. Capel Loft, the annotator of the Farmer's Bo i/,\\ns not 
 only lavished the most unquahtied praises upon this work, but, 
 in imitation of Messrs. Ma/one, Steevens, Chalmers, and such 
 laborious commentators, enlisted, as his auxiliaries, the Greek 
 and Latin poets, in order to prove that 3Jr. Bloomjield, having 
 eyes, could sometimes see, form his opinions, and express him- 
 self in terms not cUssimilar to the style of those antique gentlemen. 
 By this scientific research the public is favoured with a volume 
 containing twice the quantum of paper and print which the 
 poem itself would expend ; and for which every purchaser of 
 course must pay, although not one in five hundred ever takes the 
 trouble of wading tlirough notes which only tend to confuse the 
 text of a writer whose excellence consists in the simplicity of his 
 tale, and the perspicuity of style which characterizes the eft\i- 
 sion of his Muse.
 
 46 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Productions that never can parallel chime. 
 The one pure simplicity ; — th' other sublime. 
 Divested oi furor thus blinding, I write ; 
 Resolv'd sterling judgment my praise shall endite 
 As I think, I record, free from all private pique ; 
 And I deem such the basis of candid critique.
 
 ^ratt.(*) 
 
 Et mecB, si quid loquar audiendum 
 
 Vocis accedet bona pars. Horace. 
 
 And if any opinion of mine is worthy consideration, I most 
 freely give it in his favour. 
 
 LiONG vers'd in the flights of Apollo, I hail 
 The feeling enditer of Sympathy's tale ; 
 Whose versatile talent claims bays and the rod. 
 For Genius will often prove drowsy, and nod : 
 Since quantity cannot at all times rank ev'n. 
 The children of earth are no tenants of heaven ; 
 
 (*) This poet is now, alas ! equally insensible to censure and 
 to praise. While this proof was passing through the press, I read 
 the account of his death in the public papers, which took place 
 on the 4th of October, near Birmingham. He was a man of 
 genuine benevolence. His character as an author has been 
 variously appreciated.
 
 48 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Great Shakespeare himself from sublime could 
 
 descend, 
 And bathos with pathos at intervals blend, (y) 
 
 (v) Public characters of every description, but more parti- 
 cularly those of a literary stamp, are peculiarly subject to the 
 attacks of virulence and ill nature : it is therefore little to be 
 wondered at that M?-. Pratt, in the progress of his long career, 
 should have felt the lash of malice and ill nature. As I am far 
 from desirous of interfering with the private characters of indi- 
 viduals, I shall refrain from adverting to any of these insidious 
 attacks, and content myself with referring to the literary requisites 
 of this author, which, however chequered by inequalities, are,- 
 upon the w hole, far above mediocrity. Afr. Pratt has certainly 
 indulged too much in the flimsy Delia Cruscan style ; nor do any 
 compositions of that description display the real talent of this 
 writer, who never pleases so much as when eliciting the unso- 
 phisticated eftusions of the heart. He has been by far too exu- 
 I)erant in his encomiums upon individuals ; and the frequency of 
 this strain of eulogy has, in too many instances, prompted our 
 author to become a plagiarist upon himself, by committing a 
 poetical J'elo de se. With all his literary lapses, however, Mr. 
 Pratt is, in many instances, deserving the meed of approbation. 
 Neither have his efforts to procure relief for the suffering been 
 unattended by success ; although the most ill natured construe-
 
 SCRIBBLEOMArsIA. 49 
 
 Time was, when, Pratt! I belield thee oft feast 
 
 on 
 That vase far renown*d by the name of Bath 
 
 Easton ; 
 
 tiou has been put upon this gentleman's motives for such humane 
 interposition. 
 
 As a specimen of Mr. Pratt's extempore, the subjoined 
 lines are transcribed from the fly leaf of the first volume of his 
 M'orks, in 22 volumes, presented to a friend. 
 
 " As books, and of the lighter kind, 
 Are for your villa fam'd design'd ; 
 Bv way of pastime to unbend. 
 Accept the volumes which I send. 
 When hawks, and hounds, and horses tire, 
 And winter heaps the Christmas fire. 
 My muse, to variegate your board, 
 Her tuneful banquet may afford : 
 Her labours shall memorials be 
 Of what the poet owes to Thee." 
 
 I have above stated that Mr. Pratt has been too niucli 
 
 E
 
 60 8CRIBBLE0MANIA. 
 
 From whence *twas thy fortune the bright bays to 
 
 claim. 
 That rank'd thee a Poet deserving some fame ; 
 
 addicted to the eulogizing of particular personages : this strain, 
 however, cannot rank in competition with the subjoined speci- 
 mens, which, by way of a commentary upon the bombast, may 
 not prove displeasing to the reader. 
 
 Honorie Riovffe, president and orator of the French Tri- 
 bunate, w ho complimented Bonaparte in a strain of flattery that 
 might have disgusted a Nero or a Domitian, seemed to have been 
 regularly trained in this school of adulation. In 1186, he made 
 a SiiUi/ of Calonne, and a Richelieu of his successor, Cardinal 
 De Brienne. He next proceeded to compliment l^eckar as 
 the modern Colbert: and, in 1789, compared La Fayette to 
 the great Washington, and ranged Mirabeou on a par with Dr. 
 Franklin. In 1790 Abbe Maury was the French Demos- 
 thenes. In 1791 Brissot was the Gallic Cato, and Roland the 
 French Aristides. In Marat the world beheld a Brutus: m, 
 Danlon a Tullius : while Santerre, in his estimation, was equal 
 to Marlborough. This sycophant, in 1793, flattered the mon- 
 ster Robespierre by the designation of Gracchus; and Henriot 
 was not inferior to the great Eugene. In 1795 Talleyrand
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 51 
 
 Nor wou*d I for kingdoms that verdant sprig 
 
 blight, 
 Wherewith fancy's hand had thy temples bedight : 
 Nevertheless, as before, I repeat — thy worn quill 
 Too often hath needed Apollo's sharp drill ; 
 But he that for booksellers e'er hath been drudge. 
 For one flash of talent a twelvemonth must trudge : 
 Such truth I proclaim, to poor wretches that feed *em, 
 Wou'd those that have bled were in turn doom'd to 
 bleed 'em ! 
 
 was held out as the Republican Christ! O blasphemy! where 
 is thy blush? La Revelliei'e, in 1796, was the Republican 
 Moses: Rezchell shone forth a Solon: and Ccumot blazed the 
 living Vauban! To this vile flattery, by way of finale, I shall 
 subscribe the lines once addressed to the facetious but inoffensive 
 Tom D'Urf'ej/, making only a slight alteration. 
 
 " In the next world expect thy blows, 
 For none shall wipe thy stains out ; 
 Sully shall pluck thee by the nose, 
 A Eugene beat thy brains out." 
 E 2
 
 «altet: %>tott 
 
 Utque alios industria, ita hunc ignavia adjiimayn jn'otulerat. 
 
 Tacitus. 
 
 Other writers have acquired the meed of fame by persevering 
 industry J but this individual owes his success to indolence. 
 
 Unheard of before, as from clouds straiglit 
 
 descended, 
 A Scot appears, teeming with verse strangely 
 
 blended ; 
 Wliose maxim is that of all common scribes trite, 
 Whether sterling or not, still the Muse needs must 
 
 write ;
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. ,53 
 
 For whether it prove of a Minstrel last Lay, 
 Which bears of his flights much poetic array, 
 
 Or. the Lady bewitching of LaJie crystal clear. 
 Where still most unequal is made to appear ; 
 That sloven performance, the which I must sigh on, 
 Renown'd Field of Flodden, and fighting Mar-mi-on : 
 Or Rodericks dream, surely penn'd in derision, 
 Since Muses were drunk when composing Don's 
 
 Vision ; 
 And lastly of Rokeby, the quick lash'd-up lore. 
 Replete with the fiiults of those themes tracM 
 
 before. 
 Now although viva voce, the public en masse 
 Hath affirm*d that these Lays other efforts surpass, 
 And that while love ^f rhymes shall exist, envied 
 
 lot 
 Of wearing the bays must belong to a Scot; 
 Still I dare this slap-bang assertion dispute. 
 For though thus oppos'd, I will never be mute. 
 I stand unappall'd, tho' by numbers surrounded; 
 Calm reason was never by legions confounded :
 
 54 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 My bulwark is sense, on that fort I rely. 
 
 And a stronger exists not between you and I:(ct') 
 
 (x) So numerous and in such quick succession have appeared 
 the flights of Mr. Scott, that to enter into a separate review of 
 each poem would swell my notes into so many chapters : a step 
 not only incompatible with the limits of this production, but 
 rendered of little utility, after the concise strictures as delivered 
 above by Sir Scrihhhcumdash. If the Greek adage was cor- 
 rect, which goes to state that 
 
 SeAw rup^ijj raXayiJiov, 13 <p^syujv irihv. 
 Give a man good luck, and throw him into the sea, 
 
 then, indeed, had our poet long ago found a watery grave : but 
 when we call to mind that the love of money begettetli more, it 
 may not appear wonderful if he 
 
 Dedinat ciirsus aurumque tolubile tollit, 
 Greedy of the shining fruit, steps back 
 
 To catch the rolling gold. 
 
 An occupation, by the by, in which poets of the present aera 
 are but very seldom engaged. Throughout Mr. Scott's produc-
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 So I'll e'en tell the bard who with rhyming's thus 
 
 bitten, 
 Had one theme been tiac'd while the five thus were 
 
 written, 
 
 tions there is nothing so striking as the inequahties observable 
 both in his style and versification. In one poem the name of 
 Marmion is incessantly made a tag at the end of the line ; while 
 the words enlisted to form a jingle are strained and unpoetical in 
 the extreme : witness 
 
 " * Charge, Chester, charge ! — on, Stanley, on !' — 
 Were the last words of Mar-mi-on." 
 
 In reply to which, one might well exclaim — 
 
 Charge, Mazard, charge ! — Quack on, quack on ! 
 O ! that such lays he ne'er had quack'd upon ! 
 
 In Mudford's Life of Cumberland is introduced a long note, 
 wpon the subject of our northern leviathan and the late Miss 
 Seward, to the which I refer the public for a specimen of just 
 criticism, as to the literary pretensions of this once metrical and 
 corresponding duetto, whose dipidcncc and modesty are tlicre
 
 56 SCRTBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 And the beauties dispers'd throughout all grac'd 
 
 that Ofie, 
 In the hemisphere Scot then had blaz'd a bright 
 
 sun ; 
 
 blazoned forth to the meanest capacity. As Mr. Scott's walk 
 has not been confined to the mazes of fancy alone, I should like 
 to be made acquainted whether or not, upon the proposal being 
 made to that gentleman of editing the works of the renowned 
 Dryden, two prizes were not tendered by him ; viz. remimeration 
 for the toils of the man of literature, or payment for a book- 
 seller's job ? the latter of which was grasped at by the publishers, 
 as being the cheapest : in which case the noblest flights of a 
 British poet were subjected to the mere editorship of tare and 
 tret. With regard to the followers of Walter Scott, Miss 
 Holford was particularly bitten with a mania for imitating his 
 i^tyle, and has produced a poem entitled Wallace, or the Fight of 
 yulkirk, wherein are to be found many traits of exuberant 
 genius. It is, therefore, only a matter of regret that the literary 
 friends of this lady did not interpose so far as to prevent her 
 from adopting the versification of another; for there is little 
 doubt but, in giving rein to her own natural talent, the produc- 
 tion ^^ ould have borne the stamp of originality, and in all pro- 
 bability obviated the necessity for any stricture on die score of
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. m 
 
 For to state that no .talent appears in our Walter 
 Wou'd prove me from truth a most shameful 
 
 defaulter. 
 Stark mad with unqualified praise of the world. 
 He thinks that his name on a title unfurl'd. 
 Be the theme what it may, must enamour the town; 
 Since the rhymes of a Scot cannot fail to go 
 
 down. 
 Ah ! fatal delusion, that hoodwinks thy sense, 
 Arouse from such stupor and apathy dense ; 
 Straight marshal thy talents, call wisdom to aid 
 
 thee, 
 Nor suffer the thinking for sloth to upbraid thee : 
 
 subserviency in style or composition. If we contemplate the 
 volume in question with a publisher's eye, it must certainly rank 
 a complete bookseller's bargain ; for, upon averaging the pages, 
 there will be found about twelve lines in each ; which, consi- 
 dering the price of the work being only one pound five, is a very 
 decent curtailment of matter to the purchaser.
 
 58 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 The pathway is wide, true renown may be thine, 
 Forget Flatt'ry's tale, rest no longer supine ; 
 Since study may guide thee to Parnassus' top. 
 While reverse dooms thy labours to cheesemonger's 
 shop.(^) 
 
 {y) Should Mr. Scott ever chance to skim over the present 
 volume, he may perhaps feel little pleased in perusing the last 
 note ; which was not, however, intended as the vehicle ot pique 
 or ill nature : the bard under review being only known to the 
 annotator through the medium of his several poetic productions. 
 Mr. Scott's abilities as a classical scholar cannot be denied; 
 and it is therefore the more astonishing that his judgment should 
 have been warped from those standard principles of literature 
 which have stood the test of ages, and will continue to exist 
 when the new-fangled ephemerae of fashion shall be no more. 
 It remained with a Chatterton, whose object was deception, to 
 enlist the phraseology of the 13th century: but what reason 
 could possibly prompt this genUeman to produce such api/ebald 
 style of composition ? If, indeed, notoriety and pecuniary benefit 
 were the incitements, Mr. Scott has fully answered his purpose ; 
 but I very much doubt whether the fame of his lucubrations
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. .59 
 
 will outstretch the boundary of his own mortal career. I shall 
 now terminate my note by stating, in strict unison with Sir 
 Noodle's opinion, that Mr. Scott is capable of producing that 
 which he has never yet thought fit to achieve : Munus Apolline 
 dignum : in expectation of which I dismiss our northern aspirer 
 fo the envied honours of Parnassua.
 
 Monk %M8, 
 
 II y a des gens qui resemblent aiix vaudevilles, qu'on ne 
 
 chante qu'un certain temps. 
 
 Rochefoucault. 
 
 Iransported, on broomstick, thro- witcheries 
 
 gales, 
 A Xrea'/5 astounds us with Wonderful Tales ;{z) 
 
 (z) This gentleman's first literary production established his 
 fame with the public ; for, notwithstanding the immoral tendency 
 of many of the incidents, not to dwell upon the libibinous 
 scenes therein portrayed, the story of the Monk is certainly
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 61 
 
 For demons and magic usurp*d long the throne, 
 True ballads of raw-head and eke bloody -bone, («) 
 
 entertaining ; and the language, in many instances, classically 
 beautiful. These volumes were succeeded by tales of wonder, 
 and hobgoblin poems of numerous descriptions, that have now 
 lost their zest with the public ; which must prove the case with 
 every production tending to outstretch the modesty of nature, 
 and consequently overstrain the literary palate : for as whole- 
 some and plain nutriment is best calculated to gratify the ap- 
 petite and assist corporeal digestion, so reason and science are 
 the only feasts that can afford a lasting relish to the human 
 mind. As the page of an author, already quoted, affords some 
 Hudibrastic lines, that are applicable to subjects analogous to 
 Mr. Lewis's favourite topics, I shall now quote the same, for 
 the edification of.my readers. 
 
 Have not my friends, the Germans, shown 
 They to philosophy are prone. 
 And hold with goblins converse free. 
 As if a sprite was you or me ? 
 'Tis they have conjur'd up by hosts 
 Your grninhig troops of sheeted ghosts; 
 And prov'd themselves such vast projectors 
 Upon the subject of pale spectres ; 
 With whom they'd pick their teeth, at ease. 
 While others at the sight wou'd freeze.
 
 62 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Whereat madam Reason became wond'rous sick. 
 And 'twas thought, mighty often, the bucket would 
 kick; 
 
 Your German best of all can fright 
 And exercise a wicked sprite; 
 Straight sending him to join his kin 
 Spruce skeleton, in snug coffin. 
 'Twas Germans who first instituted 
 Tribunal Secret;* so reputed: 
 Where ev'ry brother swears to cut 
 His neighbour's throat, if he does but, 
 By word or sign, become suspected 
 As being one of the elected. 
 No matter whether father, mother, 
 Sister, wife, or child, or brother : 
 
 * Very little can be advanced, for a certainly, respecting this extraordinary 
 association ; which, we are told, kept potentates in awe: all we can ascertain, 
 as matter of fact, is that the oatbs of secrecy were of the most diabolical ten- 
 dency; as the associate was thereby bound to spare no one allied to him, 
 even by ties of closest consanguinity ; but immolate, without contrition, any 
 individual who should fall under the displeasure of the tribunal. It has 
 been conjectured, from the impenetrable mystery attending the practices of 
 this society, that the institution must be similar to that of the Rosicrucians.
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 63 
 
 But so hot prov'd the fever it could not last long. 
 Wherefore spectres are now but an old woman's song. 
 
 Since all their mighty plans, they think, 
 May be betray 'd by nod or wink. 
 Wherefore 'twere well each should be surly, 
 As in the Critic great Lord Burleigh ; 
 That sapient wight, whose cogitations 
 And dumb harangues cou'd manage nations ; 
 Whose mystic eloquence displays 
 Meaning to his grand master — Bays : 
 
 For Bays and this Tribunal's Lord 
 In sense mean one, tho' two in word. 
 Since cither's secrets to unriddle, 
 
 Nor more or less are than b — mjiddle; 
 The fiddle standing for a hum, 
 
 Just meaning nothing more than b — m : 
 
 So, whether cut athwart the middle, 
 
 B — m simple, or complex b- — lujiddle, 
 
 Both added up no more will bring 
 
 Than nought; and that stands for iio~thing. 
 
 Has not my Gallic tribe, though gay. 
 
 Been sage with its Illuminees?* 
 
 * Tliis society, as well as the beforementiond association, had its origin in 
 Germany ; but was also particularly in vogue with the leaders of the French 
 revolution. The tenets professed by its votaries, if not directly atheistical? 
 had so much tendency thereto, that it was difficult to apply any other appella- 
 tion to the/aii/» of these pseudo philosophers.
 
 64 SCRIBBLEOMANTA. 
 
 This writer, abounding with faults, still possesses 
 A pathos which often the reader impresses. 
 
 Tliose gentlemen, who, quite serene, 
 Bow'd necks to chopper Guillotine ; 
 And made a boast of night-cap red, 
 Having nought else to cover head. 
 
 {a) Of witches, and the estimation in which they were lield 
 among the Danes and Anglo Saxons, there are some curious 
 notes in Erin's Rauga Saga, and other Icelandic annals. The 
 description of the witch Thorbiorga, and her interview with 
 Earl Thorchill, is particularly curious. She is represented as 
 the only survivor of nine sisters, all witches or fortune-tellers, 
 and frequented public entertainments, when invited. Earl 
 Thorchill, to ascertain when a sickness or famhie would cease, 
 which then raged, sent for, and made preparations for the re- 
 ception of Thorbiorga. On her arrival in the evening, she was 
 dressed in a gown of green cloth, buttoned from top to bottom ; 
 ab^t her neck was a string of glass beads, and her head was 
 covered with the skin of a black lamb, lined with that of a 
 wliite cat ; her shoes were of calf's skin with the hair on, tied 
 with thongs, and fastened with brass buttons ; and on her hands 
 were a pair of gloves of white cat's skin, with the fur inward ; 
 about her waist she wore a Hunlandic girdle, at which hung a
 
 SCRIBBLEOMAMA. 
 
 With a phalanx of moderns, his practice has been 
 To compose, in despite, both thro* thick and thro* 
 
 thin. 
 Thus his pages ephemera? prov'd of the hour : 
 The talisman broken, and vanish'd the pow*r. 
 That asra will come, which our children must see. 
 When the name of Monk Lewis forgotten shall be. 
 
 bag containing her magical instruments ; and she supported her- 
 self on a staff, adorned with many knobs of brass. Such was 
 the dress of the witch Thorhiorga ; who, upon the following 
 day, prognosticated to Thorchill that the famine would soon 
 cease, and the sickness abate in proportion : which divinations, 
 we are told, accordingly came to pass.
 
 %tjttt ^transforij. 
 
 Auditque vocatus Apollo. 
 
 VirgiL 
 Apollo hears when called upon. 
 
 From race of plebeians aloft next we mount. 
 Since lords now get boozy at Helicon's fount; 
 Nor let me deny to a Strangford his due, 
 Who holds a Translation right ably to view : 
 While, if splendour of genius his verse doth not deck. 
 His learning proves always to folly a check.
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 67 
 
 With pleasure I conn'd o'er his flights, I confess. 
 And I trust future efforts ma}' meet with success. (^) 
 
 (b) Poetical talent being seldom coupled with the name of a 
 man of title, it would appear invidious to withhold the meed of 
 approbation attachable to this nobleman for his translation of 
 Camoens' Poems, which made its appearance some years back ; 
 combining correctness of judgment, elegance of style, and a com- 
 plete knowledge of his original. To say that his lordship has 
 given to them the appearance of an original English composition 
 would be going too far : it is a translation of the first order ; 
 and will never disgrace the library of the man of real taste and 
 refined literature. 
 
 f2
 
 Eorb iS^rott. 
 
 Fac discas midia, ef vites 7iescire doceri. 
 
 Cato. 
 
 Take heed to learn many things, and shun not the opportunity 
 to reap instruction. 
 
 Some strange combination must rule o'er the 
 
 spheres, 
 Since our age teems with many Parnassian peers. 
 A Byroiiy not lacking of fancy some store. 
 Who, study possessing, hath purg'd mental lore, 
 With Strangford respectably gracing my poem, 
 Whom last I recorded, of lordlings the proem.
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 69 
 
 This titled enditer, tho' beauties possessing, 
 Childe Harold must needs with old phrase still be 
 
 dressing : 
 A style of composing shall ne'er claim my praises; 
 The Muses thus robing in masquerade phases. 
 For, as planets will oft seem halv'd, gibbous, or 
 
 horn'd. 
 These obsolete terms, to my mind, seem suborn'd 
 To torture our language, for ages corrected ; 
 Which, now at its acme, must needs be neglected. 
 Having own'd that his lordship much fancy possesses, 
 May his flights henceforth throw off such harlequin 
 
 dresses. 
 As a bard thus I grant liim the praises his due. 
 And, with care, bid him Pegasus\s journey pursue. (r) 
 
 (c) We are frequently told by the reviewers, ibat birth and 
 fortune do not produce the smallest influence upon their deci- 
 sions respecting any point connected with the republic of letters; 
 which is, however, to my mind a very problematical assertion.
 
 70 SCRIBELEOMANIA. 
 
 Notwithstanding due piaise be allowed to Lord B^ron, on the 
 score of assiduous labour, scholastic acquirement, and classical 
 elegance, he most assuredly cannot at present lay claim to real 
 genius or originality; and, with deficiencies so palpable, the 
 productions of his lordship could never have received those un- 
 qualified eulogiums, had not the lalismanic charm of nobility 
 infused its balsam as an ingredient into the dose of criticism. 
 Considered in the light of a didactic writer, Lord Bi/roii is de- 
 serving a considerable portion of praise ; but any attempt to soar 
 into the heaven of heavens, is a task beyond the powers of this 
 Parnassian noblemari. 
 
 Some time lias elapsed since the former part of this note was 
 committed to paper : since which period a few short ebullitions 
 have met the public eye, that do infinite credit to the muse of 
 Lord Bj/ron. I would, however, most seriously advise this 
 noblemari to apply his abilities to some more sterling and lasting 
 topic : let him obliterate from his thoughts all recollection of 
 the new school. His judgnient is obviously much matured ; 
 and the style he adopts is seldom characterized by a want of 
 perspicuity: and, as the sublimity of Alpine scenery elevates 
 the soul to the highest pitch of enthusiasm, even so will the 
 mental energies expand in proportion to the grandeur of the 
 subject which is selected to put them into action. Under such 
 an impression, therefore, do I advise Lord Byron to lay the 
 ground-work of a poem, the superstructure of which may justly 
 entitle him to the praises of futurity.
 
 Eorb CIjurlotu» 
 
 Omnes clari et nohilitati labores , jiunt tolerahiles. 
 
 All pursuits become supportable, which are illustrious and re- 
 aowned. 
 
 While thus thro' the regions of honour I fly. 
 The lays of a Thurlow salute my keen eye; 
 Whose numbers respectably chime on the ear. 
 Proclaiming his lordship — poetical peer ; (c/) 
 
 {d) But not a peerless poet : his lordsliip must be content 
 with one dignity. Kings can make peers, but there is no royal 
 art of creating poets. Lord Thurlow composes with exquisite 
 rapidity; his works follow each other more quickly than they 
 are read. His lordship, however, meditates a nobler flight, 
 which cannot be better described than in his own inimitable 
 language and versification.
 
 n SCRIBBLEOMAMA. 
 
 Who thus greater honour bestows on his name 
 Than seeking of Folly tlie symbol to claim ; 
 
 In some lines addressed to Lord Holland, he says, 
 " I tliink, my lord, to build a verse, 
 Which, if' our language Iiold, 
 Shall througli the sides of darkness pierce, 
 And all to time unfold, 
 In language of thrice golden praise 
 * And ever dear delight. 
 
 What lives amid the Olympic zcays 
 And in the sho7'elcss night." 
 
 Lord Thurlow is a devoted admirer of a certain illustrious 
 personage, who abundantly admires himself; and he has disco- 
 vered a fact concerning that said personage, of v.hich no one 
 but his lordship ever suspected him to be guilty : it is no Jess 
 an exploit than setting the Thames onjire. We liope his lord- 
 ship is not ironiculj but in his " Carmen Britannicum, or Song 
 of Britain, \vritten in honour of His Royal Highness the Prince 
 Regent," he seriously puts forth the follovving line, 
 
 " Thames, by thy victories, is set onjire." 
 
 We are quite sure his lordship does not mean this as a joke, 
 because in another part of the same poem he traces his Royal
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 73 
 
 For the noble, when guided by fashion's dull rules. 
 His title enrols on the tablet of fools, [e) 
 
 Highness's lineage, in a direct line from Jupiter, through Her- 
 cules, Glaucus, the Tarquins, &c. down to Azo, the son of 
 Hugo. Now the descendant of so many heroes may fairly pre- 
 sume to be himself quite hero enough for setting the aforesaid 
 river in a blaze, though we profess, notwithstanding his lordship's 
 assertion, that we were never so fortunate as to witness the con- 
 ilagraticn. 
 
 (e) Lord Thurlozc first presented himself to the public as 
 the extravagant panegyrist of various living characters ; whom 
 he extols, in sonnets, according to their respective degrees of 
 rank in society, with a poetic enthusiasm tliat vies with the 
 flights of the gallant Sir Philip Sidaci/ : since Mliich he has 
 also favoured the literary world with a poem called Moonlight ; 
 wherein is described, with much poetic sentiment, the contem- 
 plations of a bard during that period of solemnity and repose. 
 In this effort it is obvious that our nobleman has constantly kept 
 Milton in view ; not only by imitating th.e structure of his ver- 
 sification, but even borrov,'ing his veiy images, and placing to 
 his own account many favourite expressions scattered through- 
 out the poems of that sublime epic wiiter. Upon the whole, 
 however, the productions of Lord Thnrloic indicate a consi- 
 derable share of metrical energy: so tiiat, if he cannot attain the
 
 14 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 isummit of his ambition, he nevertheless evinces the most enthu- 
 siastic love for the pursuit in which he has so meritoriously en- 
 gaged. The following, as a happy specimen of his talent, may 
 tend to convey some idea of the peculiar style of composition he 
 adopts in eliciting the flights of his muse. 
 
 SONNET ON BEHOLDING EODIAM CASTLE, ON THE BANK 
 OF THE ROTHEB, IN SUSSEX. 
 
 " O thou brave ruin of the passed time, 
 When glorious spirits shone in burning arms, 
 And the brave trumpet, with its sweet alarms, 
 Cali'd Honour I at the matin hour sublime. 
 And the grey ev'ning ; thou hast had thy prime, 
 And thy full vigour ; and the eating harms 
 Of age have robb'd thee of thy warlike charms. 
 And plac'd thee here, an Image, in my Rhyme : 
 The Owl now haunts thee, and Oblivion's Plant, 
 Tlie creeping Ivy, has o'er veiled thy towers ; 
 And Rother, looking up with eye askant, 
 Recalling to his mind diy brighter hours, 
 Laments the time, when, fair and elegant, 
 Peauty first laugh'd from out thy joyous bowers." 
 
 The volume which contains the above specimen is however 
 rendered of peculiar interest^ by handing to the public transla- 
 tions from the Greek poets> which constituted the chief amuse- 
 ment of the deceased Lord Chancellor Thurlow during his old 
 age, and after having weathered the season of professional
 
 ColeritJfle* 
 
 Ablatum mediis opus est incudibus istud. 
 This work unfinish'd from the anvil came. 
 
 A ow Coleridge in school of a. Sou the]/ I'll note down. 
 Whose lays on futurity's stream will not fioat down ; 
 Since ne'er can the labours of one modern scull 
 The sterling decrees of our fathers annul. 
 
 duties and the political burthens imposed upon hini. It would be 
 extending this note beyond the proper limits were I to descant 
 fully upon the beauties of these performances, which are the 
 more wonderful as being the production of extreme old age, 
 when a recurrence to the pursuits of a juvenile period, after a 
 life of unremitting toil, are so rarely found to exist. The trans- 
 lation of a chorus in Euripides possesses all the energy of 
 youthful exuberance; and Homer's frogs and mice, as rendered 
 into English by this nobleman, have never been surpassed, if even
 
 16 SCRTBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Tlius Sout/ici/, with soft Delia Cruscan Aim flam, 
 Our senses would vainly with impotence ci;am ; 
 For works, long established, such efforts deride; 
 *Tis a streamlet contending against ocean's tide. 
 Thus empiric pigmies may prate about straws ; 
 The old code must overthrow all modern laws : 
 So, Coleridge, take warning, mend lays in due time, 
 
 sir. 
 Or the grave will envelop thy form, fame, and rhyme, 
 
 sir- (/) 
 
 equalled, by any former translator of the poem in question. It 
 has been said that tlie present Lord Thurlou^ since his nuptials 
 wiih the accomplished Miss Bolton, has determined to make 
 that lady a participator in his future poetical ebullitions, in 
 wliich case I sincerely wish that tliis literary co-partnership may 
 be productive of success. 
 
 (f) Hov.ever Sir Noodle may prove himself correct in most in- 
 stances, I cannot altogether agree with his stricture upon Mr. 
 Coleridge's literary acquirements ; %vhich have, in many instances, 
 placed him in a respectable point of view. That he has been 
 too much indulged in the new vamped-up school I am free to 
 confess, but I cannot injustice refrain from allowing him those 
 merits to which he is entitled on the score of feeling and sen-
 
 Wovtistoortlb. 
 
 Quo diversus ahis f 
 
 Whither dost thou wand'ring run ? 
 
 Though verging in track by our laureat profess'd, 
 The lays of a JVordsworth must here be impress'd 5 
 Who veils many faults, since his labours impart 
 Such numbers pathetic as sink to the heart j 
 Which sensitive impulse must ever infuse 
 A genuine type of the soul-thrilling Muse : 
 
 sibility. Advice I allow to be necessary, but the judgment so 
 harshly delivered in the conclusive line of Scribblecumdash I 
 must state to be indecorous, and such as by no means applies to 
 tlie poetical acquirements of the gentleman above cited.
 
 78 SCRIBBLEOxMANIA. 
 
 So in hopes that the Poet, of whom I now prate, 
 May adopt in the future a style more sedate, 
 I close my critique, since, by pathos subdu'd, 
 That feeling with sternness shall not be imbu'd : 
 For I hold it fair maxim, when merit I scan. 
 To white-wash all foibles as much as I can. {g) 
 
 (g) Having already descanted upon Mr. Wordsworth's ta- 
 lents as a poet, in my annotations upon the present laureat, I 
 conceive it altogether superfluous to dilate further upon the sub- 
 ject, except it be to assure the above gentleman that I grant 
 him every praise, as a writer appealing to the heart. I have, 
 myself, very frequently owned the potency of his spells, which 
 if uncontaminated by foppish singularity of style would place 
 him in the most envied situation as a sterling delineator of the 
 pathetic.
 
 Mvs, ^tnvp Cisfje* 
 
 Quern circumcursans hinc ilUnc sepe Cupido 
 
 JFulgebat crocina candidus in tunica. 
 
 Catullus. 
 While arch young Cupid round me flutt'ring flew. 
 In his rich mantle, deck'd of Tyrian hue. 
 
 Tho' slumb'nng my Minstrel, and cold in the tomb. 
 Her ashes waft widely a fragrant perfume ; 
 The genius of Tighe robing Psyche with grace^ 
 And to Cupid assigning a rapturous race : 
 Here taste, fancy, reading, their requisites grant. 
 Which, combin'd, yield a theme that must always 
 enchant ;
 
 80 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 For purity reigns with the faith of the dove. 
 And celestial perfection emblazons sweet Love. 
 Ye daughters of Eve, then, who feel inspiration. 
 To Fst/che's. sweet lays offer up an oblation ; 
 Catch the fervor of Tighe, (h) and no satirists rash 
 Dare attack ye: so swears now Sir Scrihhlecumdash ; 
 Who trusts that his praise, w^hile it tends wit to 
 
 flatter. 
 May check would-be writers, and thus prevent satire. 
 
 {h) So many ladies have -written, and still continue to produce 
 trash, that no praise offered at the shrine of feminine excellence 
 should be deemed fulsome ; since the panegyric may prompt 
 such unfortunate essayists to consult the productions of the per- 
 sonage so extolled, from whose style they may perhaps be prompt- 
 ed to correct their own effusions, or, if endowed with sense, to 
 discriminate their natural inability, discard the pen, and thus re- 
 linquish all literary claims for ever. Independently of the poem of 
 Cupid and Psyche, the lady now under -5"/;' Noodle's review 
 produced numerous other short effusions, all of which are 
 characterized by every requisite that could tend to adorn a fe- 
 male of the most refined taste and exquisite sensibility.
 
 Clio 3^icfeman» 
 
 Cedite Romani scrijptores., Cedite Graii. 
 
 Relinquish the palm, ye Greek and Roman writers : yield to a 
 competitor who surpasses all your efforts. 
 
 As of dogg*rel and bathos one sample will do. 
 My friends, I'll escort Clio Richnan to view ; 
 Whose oddities nothing on earth can surpass. 
 For they stamp him the head of a numerous class. 
 So the rest of his compeers, I now mean to quote. 
 Shall be tack'd to his tail in the form of a note. 
 This waster of ink, this defiler of paper. 
 Destroyer of pens, and of Grub Street true scraper i
 
 82 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 This broomstick of rhymsters, by Folly full cramm'd; 
 This wit, by the sisters of Helicon d — mn'd ; 
 Whose rhymes are so bad, he was never yet able 
 To serve as last sweeper in Pegasus' stable ; 
 But claims, for thus proving to Folly so steady, 
 The station of groom to a lanky-^ar'd Neddy, {i) 
 
 {i) As the mention of this long-eared beast brings to my re- 
 collection some curious facts, I shall here annex the same by 
 way of a note, for the edification of those writers, who, like Mr, 
 Clio, may be led to imagine that the world can be amused with 
 Braying. 
 
 Ammonius Alexaiidrinus, the master of Origen, informs us 
 of an ass that was a pattern of wisdom. Midas was honoured 
 with the vast auricular appendages of this animal ; and, in holy 
 writ, Balaam's Ass, on the appearance of an angel, was gifted 
 with speech. But in order to prove still further the honours 
 conferred upon this creature, on quoting an English writer of 
 two centuries back, in whose work the ass is made to speak, he 
 thus expresseth himself.
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 This scribbler, in short, has the British press loaded 
 With trash, that from shelves shoidd for aye be ex- 
 ploded : 
 
 " As contemptible as we are, there are two of us who have a 
 ^' bright place in heaven, as the constellation of Cancer will show 
 " you : as contemptible as we are, some of your greatest philo- 
 *' sophers have held grand disputes on our very shadozc, and 
 " j^puleius's golden ass makes us famous to eternity. As con- 
 '' temptible as we are, the strongest man that ever was made 
 ^' use of the jaw-bone of one of us, to destroy thousands of his 
 ■" enemies. The Empress Poppcea used our milk to make her 
 ^' skin the whiter : and lastly, you know who made his enti'y 
 ^' into Jerusalem upon one of ns, for which we carry the cross 
 " upon our shoulders, as the badge of a blessing even to this 
 ■" day ; which made a zealous Spaniard break out in these lines 
 ^- upon the sight of a pageant on Palm Sunday. 
 
 Asno qwien a Dios lleuays 
 Oxala yo fuera vos, 
 Supphco OS Dios me hagays 
 Como el Asno en que vays 
 Y dizen que le oy6 Dios. 
 
 G 2
 
 84 SCKIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 A tissue, presenting the acme of bad. 
 
 Leaving Science enthroned in a Papers Dunciad. (j) 
 
 O ! liappy Ass who God dost bear, 
 Such as thou art, O ! wou'd I were. 
 'Tis said the man did pray so hard 
 That^roy'/- and peuson both were heard," 
 
 In the city of Beauvais, on the 14th of January was cele- 
 brated the Ass^s Festival, or Holiday, in order to represent to 
 the life the flight of Mary into Egypt. For this purpose the 
 clergy of the cathedral being assembled, selected from amongst 
 several that were presented to them the most beautiful damsel, 
 who, being placed upon an Ass richly caparisoned, was thus 
 conducted, as it were in triumph, from the principal church to 
 tliat of St. Stephen's ; where the young maid and her donkey 
 were introduced into the chancel, and placed on the right side of 
 the altar. In the course of the service, performed on this oc- 
 casion, the chants were interrupted at intervals with an Hiu 
 Haw, in imitation of the Ass^s braying, which was loudly arti- 
 culated by the whole congregation ; and at the close of the mass, 
 the deacon, instead of the accustomed Ita Missa est, uttered 
 three loud brays, which were immediately re-echoed by his audi- 
 tors. But the sublimest part of this famous ceremony was the
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Yet, soft! for our scribe I've a partner just fit, 
 Consigning to use all the reams of his wit, 
 
 hymn chanted on the occasion, which, as a great curiosity, 
 I shall now give at full length ; being handed down to posterity by 
 Charles du Cange, the French antiquary, who preserved the ex- 
 traordinary morgeau from a manuscript upwards of five hundred 
 years old. 
 
 Latin. 
 Orientis partibus 
 Adventavit Asinus, 
 Pulcher &, fortissimus, 
 Surcinis aptissimus. 
 
 Translation. 
 From the eastern country 
 this Ass is arrived, comely and 
 stout, and fittest to bear a load. 
 
 Lentus erat pedibus, 
 ^isi foret baculus, 
 Et cum in clunibus, 
 Pugeret aculeus. 
 
 Of pace he was slow, unless 
 one had a stick, and his flanks 
 were pricked with a spur. 
 
 Hie in collibus Sichem, 
 Jam nutritu^hsub Ruben ; 
 Transiit per Jordanem, 
 Saliit in Bethlehem. 
 
 He was on the hills of Si- 
 chem, bred up and fed by 
 Reuben, and crossing the Jor- 
 dan he leaped into Bethlehem.
 
 86 
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Whose patent proclaims him renown'd undertaker. 
 Of choice water-closets, superlative maker : 
 
 Ecce ! magnis auribiis, 
 Subjugatis filius^ 
 Asinus egregius ; 
 Asinorum Doininus. 
 
 Saitu vincit hinnulos, 
 X)amas & capreolus ; 
 Super Dromedarios 
 Velox Midianos. 
 
 Lo! with his long ears, the 
 son of the yoke-bearer, a charm- 
 ing Ass ! the king of Asses. 
 
 He outruns the young fawns, 
 the deer, and the kids; and 
 surpasses in swiftness the Dro- 
 medaries of Midian. 
 
 Aurum de Arabia, 
 Thus et myrrham de Saba 
 Tulit in Ecclesia, 
 V^irtus Asinaria, 
 
 Dum trahit vehicula 
 Malta cum sarcinul'^ 
 Illuis mandibula 
 Dura terit pabula. 
 
 The gold from Arabia, and 
 tlie frankincense and myrrh 
 from Saba, were brought into 
 the church by the virtue of the 
 Ass. 
 
 While he is yoked to the 
 cart with a heavy burden, his 
 jaws grind a coarse food. 
 
 Cum aristis hordeum, 
 Comedit et carduum ; 
 Triticum a palea, 
 Segregat in aVea. 
 
 The barley with its ears and 
 the thistle are his food ; the 
 corn from the straw by him is 
 divided in the trough.
 
 8CRIBBLE0MANIA. 87 
 
 Their purpose just fit to consume RicJcmans store, 
 The usage for which was intended such lore : 
 
 Amen dicas, Asine, Say Amen, O ! gentle Ass ! 
 
 Jam satur de gramiue, now sated with grass. Repeat, 
 
 Amen, amen itera ; O ! repeat Amen ! and now 
 
 Aspernare vetera. despise old forms. 
 
 So temiinates this curious composition in praise of the Jack 
 Ass tribe ; the Latiniti/ of wliich is peculiarly well adapted to 
 illustrate the ceremony it was intended to commemorate. 
 
 {j ) If any man be desirous of a surfeit of laughing, let him 
 but purchase the poems of Clio Rickma/i, and, upon perusal, I 
 will venture my life to a farthing that he allows the dose to be 
 infallible. His lucubrations, indeed, most powerfully bring to 
 my recollection the tiights of a writing-master bitten with tlie 
 divine cacoethes, who, during my boyish days, composed a pro- 
 
 
 
 logue to Cato, which was to be performed on the breaking up 
 of the seminary for the holidays, four lines of which I perfectly 
 call to mind, viz. 
 
 In purple streams I ardently confess 
 
 Sweet is the lore that comes with wil-ling-nesa. 
 
 And asain.
 
 88 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Since Fame from her breech such a blast never 
 
 blew. 
 As when Clio's trash met publicity's view ; 
 
 Don't say a word — 'tis pleasure to relate 
 Kings and dominions all submit to fate. 
 
 This self-dubbed companion of the iSline was some years 
 back a most determined advocate for the doctrines of Tom 
 Paine; and such continues to be his reverence for that de- 
 parted reformer of morality and religion, that he still keeps, 
 as an invaluable relic, the table whereon were written the 
 never-to-be-forgotten Age of Reason and Rights of Man ; 
 ■which fact the visitant is given to understand from a long in- 
 scription upon a brass plate, which now adorns this inestimable 
 treasure ; and, as extraordinary freaks are ever the concomitants 
 of eccentric characters, Mr. Clio, to answer some momentous 
 purpose, was no less enamoured of two-penny loaves, samples 
 of ^vhich, both French and English, he was in the habit of pro- 
 curing, in order, as it was conjectured, to contemplate the re- 
 spective sizes of these staves of life; whence he drew a com- 
 parison between the prosperity of Gaul and his own native 
 country. Such pursuits are well calculated to immortalize a 
 man of Mr. Rickincuia comprehensive and exhaustless genius.
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 89 
 
 Whose stricture shall close with this adage, quite 
 
 clear. 
 Silk purse never yet was produc'd from sow's ear. 
 
 and it avouM be well for innumerable poetasters, who strut in 
 his stilts, Avere they to adopt similar vagaries, in order to leave to 
 posterity an indelible stamp of their boundless mental capacities. 
 I should have felt extremely happy in obeying Sir Noodle by 
 tacking the names of Clio's brethren to the present note, but as 
 I fear the list might extend ad infinitum^ I shall content my sell 
 with what has been already advanced upon the score of this 
 gentleman's perceptions, leaving the reader to annex such signa- 
 tures as may have appeared worthy the distinguished honour of 
 being inscribed with that of the present celebrated character. 
 
 After having written the above, I perchance stumbled on a 
 couplet, which I will here insert for the benefit of Mr. Rickmofi, 
 who may doubtless be enabled to turn the same to good ac- 
 count. 
 
 Tiie following lines were made by a Mr. Can/ield, who m as 
 employed in rendering the Highlands of Scotland passable, by 
 means of the finest military roads which ever were made in so
 
 90 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 wild a country. This gentleman must surely have felt the " fine 
 phrensy" of which the Bard sings, before he could have taken 
 this sublime flight from Parnassus. 
 
 Had you but seen these roads — before they were madcj 
 You'd lift up your hands, and bless Marshall Wade,
 
 I^octor «alcot 
 
 Qua; mens est Jiodie, cur eadem non puerojuit, 
 Vel cur his animis incolumes non redeunt gence. 
 
 Ah ! wherefore do I not possess the playful mind of my boyish 
 days r \Miy have the roses fled my cheeks, divesting' them of 
 youthful beauty ? 
 
 Years back, in his zenith, arch Walcot or Findar 
 Scorch'd feelings of Majesty up to a cinder ; 
 When handling the topic o^ creeper on plate. 
 That headlong was hurl'd from the cook's curly pate. 
 Nor did he with feelings of Monarch less grapple, 
 On the subject o^ paste, when enclosing an apple.
 
 92 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Great Banks, dubb'd Sir Joseph, alike felt his satire. 
 Who, prating of fleas, knew no jot of the matter: 
 For, after conjectures and all that was said. 
 Fleas boil'd prov*d no lobsters, not changing to red. 
 To these add whole volumes to purge wits turn'd 
 
 sad; 
 Nor least worthy praise the renown'd Rolliad -' 
 All proving, at one time, that Walcot was fit 
 To wield with effect the keen weapon of wit. (kj 
 
 (k) The satirical effusions of Doctor Walcot have been so 
 long before the public, and so universally read, that it would be 
 needless to descant upon their sterling merits, which are univer- 
 sally acknowledged. That some flights are superior to others 
 must be allowed; yet the tout en semhle prove the writer to 
 have possessed a fund of humour, and the most felicitous and 
 flowing style of versification. He that wields the satiric pen, 
 however, sometimes plays with edge tools : an assertion which 
 was rendered conspicuous some few years back in a bookseller's 
 shop in Piccadilly, when a dreadful rencontre took place between 
 the Doctor and Mr. Gi^ord, of equal literary lashing celebrity ; 
 upon which occasion, the argume)Uum baculinum was man- 
 fully resorted to, and as vigorously repelled. The counte-
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. '3^ 
 
 But further to show that the Muses combin'd 
 To nurture each gem in our Doctor's warm mind. 
 Leave satire, and fly on the wings of the dove, 
 You'll find him as well vers*d in feelhig and love. (Q 
 
 nances of our satiric combatants were doubtless of no pleasant 
 cast upon this occasion ; wherefore I shall annex an anecdote 
 respecting Doctor Warburton, which may, perhaps, tend to give 
 the reader some faint idea of the looks of Messrs. Walcot and Gif- 
 fordj upon the meeting in question. 
 
 Doctor Warburton being one day in conversation with his 
 bookseller, Churchill happened to come into the shop, and 
 silently observed the right reverend prelate. When he departed, 
 Churchill asked what was the name of the clergyman who had 
 just gone out ; and on being told that he was Doctor Warbur- 
 ton, the bishop of Gloucester ! Why, he looks as if he would 
 say to the Apostle Paul if he should meet him, D — n you, hold 
 ray horse ! ! ! 
 
 (I) If Doctor Walcot be celebrated as a satirical writer, he 
 is no less capable of producing the amatory and tender styles of 
 poesy, many of which, already before the public, wiU testify for 
 the veracity of this assertion : in addition to which, a number of 
 manuscript effusions, dedicated to Anacreon and Love, were
 
 94 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 In fine, he in gall could the iron point wreak. 
 With oil'd silver nib moisten Sympathy's cheek ; 
 While in honey of Hybla he lav'd golden pen. 
 To teach what love should be with children of men. 
 If wise, he from Pegasus then had dismounted. 
 Nor deeds of the Cornish-man ever recounted :(m) 
 But such is, alas ! the known frailty of man, 
 He pursues still the race, tho' his vigour is wan. 
 So all closing flights to his mind best appear, 
 Tho' the public exclaims — What a falling off here! 
 
 some lime back lent for the writer's private perusal, which, after 
 this gentleman's demise, will in all probability make their 
 appearance, to charm and astonish the votaries of lyrical com- 
 positions. 
 
 (m.) This pamphlet, which made its appearance in order to 
 ridicule the fact of a bribe having been offered to Lord Sid- 
 mouth, at that time Chancellor of the Exchequer, by an igno- 
 rant native of Cornwall, for the procurement of a place under 
 govermiient, is one of the most impotent productions that has 
 appeared from the pen of Doctor VValcol.
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 95 
 
 Great Pindar, I grant all the praises thy due ; 
 But henceforth forget Love and Poetry too : 
 For age long has clos'd on thee Venus's bowers, 
 And brandy in vain wou'd awake Poet's powers. 
 On those laurels acquir'd in thy zenith now rest, 
 Till the fever of life is extinct in thy breast. 
 I love thee, O Wakot! and thus close my metre— 
 If parted on earth, may we meet above — Peter.
 
 Mtit\)ms. 
 
 Maledicus a malefico non distat nisi occasione. 
 
 Quintilian. 
 
 The only difference between a slanderer and an evil doer is, thrit 
 the latter requires an opportunity. 
 
 IN lieu of a pen, with a slaught'ring Pean mawl, 
 Mine eyes I next glance on Mathias's scrawl, 
 Who, of rancour possess'd, must all talents abuse, 
 Since one sea of gall his dark pages infuse ; 
 While a rivulet narrow of poor stinted praise 
 Scarce sheds a pale gleam o'er his impotent lays.(?z) 
 
 (w) If a writer be desirous of establishing himself as a candid 
 ceusor of literature, he sliould be cautious in his criticisms, and
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 01 
 
 Each scholar must errant thee true classical know- 
 
 iedge ; 
 But to please, we want more than mere scraps from 
 
 the college. 
 
 not indiscriminately assail with rancour every literary gentleman 
 whose work may chance to meet his eye, as virulence, then, as- 
 sumes the place of candour ; and of such a man we can only say, 
 that 
 
 Qui vult c&dere canem, facile invenit fustem. 
 Whoso is desirous of beating a dog, will readily find a stick. 
 
 Mr. Mathias's Pursuits of Literature were purchased M'ith 
 avidity, not as I conceive from the work being so generally read 
 and understood, but in consequence of the unvarying ill-nature 
 which characterised its pages, and the fame which it acquired 
 with a set of scholastic critics who haunt the shops of tl>e Pic- 
 cadilly publishers^ and gave it celebrity as a most classical pro- 
 duction. For my own part, 1 must confess this work did not 
 appear to me as deserving of the encomiums lavished upon its 
 "style, particularly on reference to t^ie poetry, which never struck 
 me as being above a certain degree of mediocrity ; but when the 
 candour of its decisions are examined, no man can regard tlie
 
 98 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Thy notes, oft lugg'd in, to the purpose don't speak, 
 Being solely impressed to quote Latin and Greek. 
 I feel, testy Sir, that, in daring thus write. 
 On my head I may draw down your virulent spite : 
 Still boldly I dare it, nor deign budge one jot O^ 
 I speak as I think, sir, for candour's my motto : 
 And, in conning our volumes, the reader I'll swear 
 Will allow that my comments than yours are more 
 
 fair. 
 As a Bard, if I scan you, your labour rehearses 
 But specimens few of satirical verses ; 
 
 Pursuits of Literature but as a vehicle of the most unprovoked 
 abuse, and rancorous ill-nature. Every individual who pub- 
 lishes certainly lays himself open to criticism; but where tlie 
 wound can be healed with a salve, there is no need to apply the 
 amputating knife : tliis, however, was not the opinion of Mr. 
 Mathias, who perhaps indulged in such strictures, conceiving 
 4Jiem mere bndinagc; but I would reply, in answer to a supposi- 
 tion of this nature, 
 
 ToUejocos — non estjocus esse malignum^ 
 Away with such jests — there is no jest in being malignant.
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 99 
 
 Tlie charm that commanded your poem's quick sale 
 Was the vein of ill-nature that ran thro' your tale : 
 With petulance fraught, you assum'd wisdom's guise. 
 While invective alone met the cool critic's eyes. 
 Scurrility's banner — envelop'd in gloom. 
 You fain would have woven in Wit's sterling loom : 
 But, alas ! sir, the rag, by your noddle unfurl'd. 
 Was a patch-work to please the mere gossiping 
 
 world. 
 Now buried your labours, as you are forgot. 
 May such always prove of dark rancour the lot. 
 
 H ^2
 
 mimims. 
 
 ALIAS 
 
 ANTHONY PASQUIN 
 
 Nee scutica dignum horribili secterejlagello. 
 
 Horace. 
 
 In using the corrective lash of satire, do not pursue him with u 
 weightier weapon than he deserves. 
 
 1 RUE critic assassin, with venom'd shaft biting. 
 Comes Pasquin, abhorr'd for Theatrical writing ; (o) 
 
 (o) As no character can be more appropriately drawn than that 
 which may be found in Mr. Gifford's Baviad, I shall here in- 
 troduce it verbatim, as illustrating the character of the literary 
 personage now under review.
 
 SCRIBBLEOMA 1\IA. loi 
 
 Whose Children ofThespis made actors look blue, 
 With rancour displaying false colours to view : 
 
 Why dost thou tack, most simple Anthony, 
 The name of Pasqiun to thy ribald strains ; 
 
 Is it a fetch of wit to let us see 
 
 Thou, Hke that statue, art devoid of brains ? 
 
 But thou mistak'st : for'know tho' Pasquin's head 
 Be full as hard and near as thick as thine^ 
 
 Yet has the world, admiiing, on it read 
 
 Many a keen gibe, and many a spoitive luie. 
 
 While nothing from thy jobbernowl can spring 
 But impudence and filtli ; for wit, alas I 
 
 Do what we will 'tis all the same vile thing, 
 Within all brick-dust, and without all brass. 
 
 Then blot the na-ne of Pasqum from thy page 
 Thou see'st it will not thy poor riflF-raff sell : 
 
 Some other woiJd'st thou take ; I dare engage, 
 John Williams or Tom Fool will do as well. 
 
 ^* It has been represented to me that I should do well to
 
 102 SCKIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Not content with tlie rod, lie made use of a stick, 
 And in dealing his blows gave a confounded hard 
 lick. 
 
 " avoid all mention of this man, from a consideration that one so 
 *' lost to all sense of decency and shame was a fitter object for 
 " the beadle than the Muse. This has induced me to lay aside 
 " a second castigation, which I had prepared for him, though I 
 " do not think it expedient to omit what I had formerly Avritten. 
 " One word more — I am told that there are men so weak as to 
 " deprecate this miserable object's abuse, and so vain, so despi- 
 " cably vain, as to tolerate his praise ; for such I have nodiing 
 " but pity — though the fate of Hastings *, see the * Pin 
 *' Basket to the Children of Tliespis,' holds out a dreadful lesson 
 " to the latter ; but should tliere be a man or a woman, however 
 " high in rank, base enough to purchase the venal pen of this 
 *' miscreant for the sake of traducing innocence and virtue ; then — 
 
 * The poem of the Children of Thcspis was dedicated to Govemffr Hastings, and, 
 during the trial of that persecuted {.••entleiiian, Pasquhi proffered his literary 
 services, which were, however, politely rejected j when some letters of a 
 threatening nature passed, in the hope of procuring remuneration for puff 
 direct ■paragraplu, concerning Mr. Hastings, which not being productive of the 
 desired effect, Pusquin published the last of these epistles in his Pin Basket, in 
 order to give (what he conslrued such conduct to be) a detail of the most 
 fiui:iIiL'd liuman in:'ratitu4c.
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 103 
 
 He ne'er, when he black-balls, of feeling hath bowels, 
 Instead of hair pencil resorting to trowels ; 
 Wherewith he so daubs the poor wretched defaulter. 
 He nought has to do but procure a good halter. 
 Good Lord ! were each actor who merits the rope, 
 To use, bonajide, an elegant trope. 
 
 *' I was about to threaten, but it is not necessary — the profli- 
 '^ gate cowards who employ Anthony can know no severer 
 " punishment than the support of a man whose acquaintance 
 " is infamy and whose touch is poison" 
 
 Upon this unvarnished attack making its appearance, JVil- 
 Hams became infuriate, and he, in consequence, commenced 
 legal proceedings against several venders of the Baviad, when, 
 instead of receiving any redress from this appeal to a court of 
 judicature in vindication of his aspersed character, the judge, on 
 the contrary, observed, that no man should enter a court of 
 justice to ask damages for a libel who was himself a libeller ; 
 that the plaintiflf, in question, was one of the latter description of 
 persons, having " ate his libel, drank his libel, and slept upon 
 his libel." In consequence of which a verdict was given in 
 favour of the defendants.
 
 104 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 How few would be found to exo^'t'J'Iiespis' pow'r. 
 By strutting and sweating on boards the short hour. 
 Since half of the wearers of buskin and sock 
 Would dangle like pendulum fix'd to a clock ! 
 Our Anthony now has recourse to his fort ; 
 True Bondsman^ that's fed by a slave of the Court.(^p) 
 
 (p) It is most curious to observe the tergiversation which 
 frequently occurs hi the conduct of literary characters; for 
 though Pasquin be now employed as dramatic censor, Parisian 
 correspondent, a) id paragraph inditer, by the clerical baronet of 
 Catherine-street, yet there was a period when no two indivi- 
 duals were greater opponents ; and such were then the nature of 
 Anthony's philippics against Pate Dudley, that the latter threat- 
 ened him with a horse-uhipping ; upon which the former can- 
 celled the offending paragraph, and inserted an humble apology 
 for his " Error." Indeed, the above is not the only instance 
 wherein this satirist has been subjected to the threat of castiga- 
 tion, as the case of Mr. Parry more the comedian, and others, 
 will fully demonstrate. 
 
 The famous Peter Aretin, mHo wielded the pen far better 
 than the sword, liaving warmly espoused the part of Titian
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. W-; 
 
 His strictures evince no one portion of merit. 
 Condensing mere virulence void of all spirit : 
 Like poor mawkish Hill, who pretends to Essays, (q) 
 Thus handling performers, and judging of plays. 
 
 against Tintorel, in a dispute which had arisen between them, 
 the latter resenting this behaviour, and being well acquainted 
 with the timidity of Aretin, met him purposely one day near his 
 own dwelling, into which he pressed him to enter that he niight 
 draw the portrait of so celebrated a character. The poet con- 
 sented ; when the artist, to his visible horror, advanced fiercely 
 towards him with a pistol in his hand. " Alas !" said the sa- 
 tirist, " what are you going to do ?" " I only mean to take your 
 precise measure," answered Tintoret. "You are, I perceive, 
 just four times and a half the length of my pistol." Aretvi, 
 however, not feeling any relish for such a prelude, ran away as 
 fast as possible, without waiting to sit for his portrait. 
 
 Ovr* avroo kockoc rsvy^sv avrj^f aXXui rsv^wv. 
 Such revengeful spirits, who prosecute their resentments with 
 precipitancy against others, very frequently find the weightiest 
 part of pujytion devolves upon themselves. 
 
 [q) The gentleman mentioned in the above line formerly
 
 106 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Conjoin'd with a Williams, their trash yields no 
 
 fewel ; 
 Bereft of Sel Attic, 'tis mere water-gruel : 
 Their mind's cacoethes dramatic pursuit. 
 In collecting aught else but proficients acute. 
 
 figured as shopman at an oil warehouse, of which firm he 
 afterwards became a partner, and from that epoch dedicated his 
 mind to the study of theatricals; when, conceiving that as a 
 critic he was gifted with two ingredients to be purchased in his 
 own shop, viz. oil and vinegar, he suddenly emerged fiom ob- 
 scurity, and stood forth the editor of the Monthly Mirror. 
 Since that period, however, the pepper of poverty subdued the 
 verjuice Jirm, and the Mirror no longer reflected the censor's 
 lucubrations : still, in defiance of fate, he once more ascends 
 Hill difficulty, and appears the Sunday Champion, wherein the 
 public are favoured with such leading articles — [Vide Sunday 
 Paper for Jan. lUh, 1814] — as never before appeared for the 
 amusement and instruction of the pubhc. I shall now bid mine 
 hero farewell, wishing him success, in order that he may long 
 iridulge in quaffing his favourite wines, Champagne and Bur- 
 gundy.
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. I07 
 
 Ah me! that some pen — true theatrical plough. 
 As it turn'd the soil erst, would show what it is now : 
 In style of a Churchill impartially show 
 Of tragic and comic Muse eke friend and foe. 
 And whereas we are told that each scenic display 
 To each auditor's hearing should moral convey, 
 Let dramatists also with vigour be greeted. 
 And, as their works merit, be candidly treated. 
 From some sterling Muse we require such a iight ; 
 There's scope both for censure and praise to unite. 
 That this hint may be taken is all I demand ; 
 Our soil needs the culture of satire's bold hand.
 
 Ilramatist0» 
 
 Ther€ are many prate of Robin Hood who never yet sliot in his 
 bow. 
 
 / 
 
 O ! NOW for Melpomene's buskins to strut in, 
 And sock of Thalia my trotters to put in ; 
 That so I the writers dramatic may quote well. 
 Defaulters condemn, and the praise-worthy note 
 well :
 
 no SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 For since 'tis allow'd that the stage is a glass, (r) 
 Diffusing its lessons through every class ; 
 
 Cr) Plays, novels, and farces, tend more to hand down to suc- 
 ceeding generations a just picture of the times and manners in 
 which they were composed tlian any branch of literature ; since 
 none but the authors of such pieces will deem it requisite to 
 describe, with minuteness, the customs of their contemporaries, 
 as a narration of that kind would be insipid, and of no utility 
 whatsoever. On the contrary, should the dramatic writer err in 
 the delineation of his portraits, the production would be scouted, 
 and his p.ece tend only to burden the shelves of the publisher. 
 It is to Te/cnce, Plautus, Aristophanes, Apuleius, Thucydides, 
 Lhy, and Coisar, that we are indebted for our insight into the 
 manners, fashions, and customs of the Greeks and Romans ; 
 while it is pitiable to remark the extreme distress to which our 
 ablest antiquarians are reduced, when desirous of making the 
 present generation acquainted with the minutiae of those of our 
 ancestors who lived before the stage or the press existed to elu- 
 cidate posterior writers. Nay, if we even refer to an epoch 
 subsequent to the invention of the art of printing, how much are 
 the most prominent features of the time enveloped in darkness. 
 Instance the short reign of Richard III., many of whose 
 actions, as handed down to posterity, even by the ancient chro-
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 1 1 1 
 
 As society's friend, I with rigour should scan 
 Those scribes that stand forth as the tutors of man. 
 Thus whenever morality hitches the toe. 
 Delinquent with crab-stick shou'dstraightbe laid low. 
 
 nicies, have since been proved altogether nugatory, particularly 
 in the person of Jane Shore, whom he is stated to have con- 
 demned to death by starvation ; whereas Sir Thomas More, a 
 writer of the greatest probity living in the reign of Henry VIII., 
 not only acquaints us with the then existence of Mrs. Shore, but 
 that he saw and had a long conversation with her, being a lapse 
 of many years subsequent to the death of King Richard. But 
 if we refer back a century or two anterior to this monarch's reign, 
 how very little do monastic charters, or the gaudy ornaments of a 
 missal, which are the best guides to the curious, afford an insight 
 into the humours of the age, when compared to what posterity 
 will glean from the dramatic effusions of a Foote, Mui'phy^ 
 CoIema)t, Macklin, Sheridan, and Cumberland, or the didactic 
 narratives of a Fielding, Smollet, Goldsmith, together with the 
 labours of many writers of the present period, who, if not en- 
 dowed with such transcendant talents, are nevertheless close 
 imitators of the existing state of society in their native country.
 
 1 12 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Since to one tluit's allur'd with the Right — 'midst 
 
 *a throng 
 Whole legions inculcate with rapture The Wrong. 
 So the scribe who disseminates one germ of vice, 
 To the practice of evil will thousands entice ; 
 Wherefore, such as appear thus our morals to 
 
 slaughter, 
 I protest, by the Lord, shall experience no quarter. 
 My chqrus concluded, the curtain must rise, 
 Wlien vi^riters dramatic in crowds meet my eyes ; 
 As my prompter, with care I the Muse keep in view. 
 And, in hope that I never may swerve from her cue. 
 The acts of my melo-drame straight I'll rehearse, 
 And extol as it suits me — or play quart and tierce. 
 From hence, tho' departed to death's chill abode, 
 A Macldin still lives in his Love-a-la-Mode; 
 While the banner of fame must for aye be unfurl'd 
 When Thespians enact sterling Man of the World, 
 Inurn'd I must here, too, a Murphy enrol. 
 Whose tragical Muse cou'd the passions control,
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 1 13 
 
 And Cumberland' ?> genius, scarce tinctur'd with fail- 
 
 For sentiment fam'd, must be ever prevailing. 
 
 From flights senatorial SheridarCs brain 
 
 With energy pictures true comedy's vein ; 
 
 A Rivals, Duenna, and Critic, must rule 
 
 In regions dramatic — while Scandal's just School, 
 
 Display'd in our writer, when wielding the pen, 
 
 A knowledge consummate of manners and men. (r) 
 
 (r) One note will be sufficient to condense the names of 
 Macklin, Murphy, Cumberland, and Sheiidan, whose respec- 
 tive dramatic talents have so uniformly been sanctioned by 
 public applause, that it is but to mention each writer, and the 
 meed of praise must consequently follow. Macklin, though not 
 a voluminous contributor to scenic representations, has condensed 
 multum in parvo, by showing a complete knowledge of the 
 practices of the stage, and an acute perception of human life : 
 his characters are drawn with the hand of a master, Who felt no 
 diffidence in the accomplishment of the task which he had pro- 
 posed to himself to execute. Murphi/, treading in tlie old 
 school of the drama, has left to posterity the lasting memorials of 
 u hat may be produced by a combination of genius and classical
 
 114 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Inur'd to the boards — not divested of grace. 
 The veteran lValdro?i shall here claim a place. 
 While all traits of beauty dramatic conjoin 
 To blazon with honour departed Burgoyne. 
 For musical flight Dibdin took his degree. 
 When fitting in Padlock true Harmony^s Key; 
 Nor ever shall candour while talents claim praise 
 In silence contemplate the versatile lays 
 
 acquirements ; his tragic powers are of the first class, and must 
 continue to interest, while Melpomene finds a sanctuary in a 
 British theatre. The versatile talents of Cumberland^ and tlie 
 rapidity of his pen, sometimes prompted him to write without 
 sufficient consideration, and a few of his theatrical labours were 
 in consequence condemned by the audience ; ' but while his West 
 Indian, Wheel of Fortune, and his Jew, are performed, th'eir 
 trifling demerits will always be forgotten, and such pieces receive 
 the sanction of a gratified public. To praise the acknowledged 
 sterling pieces of Sheridan, w ould only be an echo of the above 
 lines; his claims to theatrical excellence are indelibly stamped 
 upon the minds of the amateurs of the drama, and it is only to 
 be regretted that an individual, thus gifted, siiould have proved 
 so sparing of the great talents which nature has bestowed upon 
 him.
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 1 1 
 
 Of Colman, whose irony aptly can hit 
 
 Our follies, thus fraught with intuitive wit. (i) 
 
 (s) The stage veteran Waldron, a do\MirIght enthusiast in his 
 profession, very respectably exerted his talents in the dramatic 
 line ; while the late General Jiurgoyne, uniting all the acquire- 
 ments of a polished gentleman, an intimate acquaintance with 
 high life, and the most finished style of composition, has enriched 
 the stage with specimens of genteel comedy, which fully entitled 
 him to tliat universal praise he enjoyed while living, and the 
 fame which has followed him in death. Of the late Mr. Dib- 
 dhif whether considered as a writer or musical composer for 
 the stage, it is impossible to say too much ; his genius in either 
 walk was prolific in the extreme ; and when I state that no man, 
 perhaps, ever yet produced so much for the gratification of all 
 classes of society, I shall not only keep within the pale of vera- 
 city, but offer a just panegyric to one of the most powerful sup- 
 porters of operatic exhibitions that has appeared since the first 
 establishment of a British place of scenic entertaimnent. To 
 the voluminous labours of the elder Colman the theatric boards 
 are highly indebted; but it is to his son, the present dramatist^ 
 that every praise is due : his wit is intuitive, and it is impossible 
 to find, in private society, any companion so aptly formed by 
 nature for social enjoyments ; indeed, in speaking of this gentle- 
 
 I 2
 
 1 1 6 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 As Beaumont and Fletcher^ sworn playwrights of 
 
 vore, 
 Inereas'd of theatrical labours the store. 
 
 man, we may justly apply the Mords of Shakspeare, M-here he 
 says, 
 
 A merrier man, 
 
 Within the limit of becoming mirth, 
 1 never spent an hour's talk withal. 
 His eye begets occasion for his wit ; 
 For every object that the one doth catch. 
 The other turns to a mirth-moving jest ; 
 Which his fair tongue — (conceit's expositor) 
 Delivers in such apt and gracious words. 
 That aged ears play truant at his tales. 
 And younger hearings are quite ravish'd. 
 So sweet and voluble is his discourse. 
 
 Independent of his numerous scenic labours, Mr. G. Col- 
 man has no less endeared himself to the literary world, by hu- 
 morous tales, handled in a metrical manner completely his own ; 
 in short, he seems to possess an inexhaustible fund of mirth- 
 moving wit, which is ever found to diversify his dramatic pro- 
 ductions, and thus ensure the favour of a British public.
 
 SORIBBLEOMANIA. I ] 7 
 
 So Reynolds and Morto7i, in fetters dramatic. 
 Sometimes warble poorly, at others chromatic j (t) 
 No fix'd mode of writing enchains their career. 
 Two vapours that light the theatrical sphere. 
 An Inchbald respectably blazons my theme. 
 While Tohin with vigour dispenses his beam ; 
 Reviving a style by our forefathers known, (w) 
 Which moderns can never make too much their own. 
 
 it) It is a generally received opinion, that tAvo heads are bet- 
 ter than one ; but in the present instance the adage is not proved 
 infallible, as very little connected with true theatrical talent is dis- 
 cernible in the several productions of this dramatic combina- 
 tion. 
 
 (m) From the pen of Mrs. Inchbald several pieces have ap- 
 peared, among which we may rank the Midnight Hour, as 
 having justly acquired a greater share of celebrity : her style, as 
 a dramatist, is far above the common standard of writing, and in 
 other branches of literature she has no less been honoured with 
 the approval of the public. Mr. Tobin, who unfortunately did 
 not live to enjoy the gratification of hearing his merits publicly 
 extolled, has only illumined the theatrical hemisphere with his 
 productions for the last few years ; tlie energy of his language 
 lias been universally allowed, and the arrangement of his ideas,
 
 1 18 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 To German philosophy's system allied. 
 
 And politics veering from common sense wide. 
 
 Comes Holcroft, to trace out of Ruin the Road, 
 
 While hhMan ofl'enThousa^id i^SimtsYirtue's abode. 
 
 A JValpole for lore of vertu far renown'd. 
 
 Shall next with his brethren dramatic be bound ; 
 
 Whose brain deeply tinctured with furor monastic, 
 
 Possess'd not of genius the fancy elastic, 
 
 So trac'd of a Matron Mysterious the tale. 
 
 Whose numbers quite turgid, foul incest unveil, [v) 
 
 in the manner of Shakspeare, confer the highest honour upon 
 the figurative powers of his fancy. It is only to be regretted, 
 that the management of a theatre should be so faulty as to suffer 
 performances of this meritorious description to remain neglected 
 from year to year, while paltry compositions, aided by some 
 trifling interest, have, in the interval, been obtruded upon 
 the public, in contempt of an enlightened audience, and to the 
 flagrant disgrace of the managers of an institution who could 
 tolerate such a violation of every principle of justice and de- 
 corum. 
 
 (t) If Mr. Holcroft's dramatic essays are not of the first class, 
 they at all events afforded amusement to the public ; indeed,
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 119 
 
 Of themes operatic the page to explore, 
 Fam'd harmony's vehicles stand Cohb and Hoare» 
 For while a Storace usurps sovereign power, • 
 The Pirates must prosper and Spr.ites Haunt the 
 Tower, (w) 
 
 from the general tenour of this gentleman's writings, one could 
 not have expected that he would delineate sucli characters as 
 Goldfinch, in the Road to Ruin : his thoughts w ere of the som- 
 bre cast, and tinctured with all those new-fangled philosophical 
 tenets, which, instead of instilling cheerfulness over the mind, 
 cast the gloom of despondency and dissatisfaction. From the 
 nature of the drama it was impossible that the Mysterious 
 Motlier of the Earl of Orford could ever be represented to a 
 British audience : the whole mechanism of the piece hinges upon 
 an incestuous intercourse between the mother and her son, 
 every scene partakes of the gloom of the cloister, no under-plot 
 enlivens the monotony of die subject, and the laiiguage, though 
 pompous at intervals, does not elicit any sparks of mental refine- 
 ment. 
 
 {w) Aided by the powerful talents of the late justly celebrated 
 Storace, Messrs. Cobbe and Jloare have figured ably in the ope-
 
 120 SClUBBLEOMAiNIA. 
 
 Bedeck'd with the trappings of parsonic state. 
 True Herald of trash, struts the Baronet Bate, 
 Who living will ne*er be awakened to shame 
 Since Ruse ever ranks with the Cloth as Fair Game. 
 From wolds and his greyhounds a Topham next 
 
 courses. 
 And starts for the plate with our Thespian forces ; 
 The palfrey he rode on prov'd faulty indeed. 
 For broke was his neck by the JVestminster breed, {x) 
 
 ratic department ; not that I mean to say much in commenda- 
 tion of the pieces these gentlemen have produced, when consi- 
 dered in a literary point of view, for where performances are 
 made the vehicles of harmony, it is of little consequence what 
 trash be now foisted on the public ; some years back the case 
 widely differed, but tempora miitaiitnr^ &c. 
 
 (x) Tliis clerical baronet has vainly endeavoured to gain a 
 footing upon the theatrical boards, his dramatic efforts being of 
 the most mediocre cast, not to say in some respects indecorous : 
 after such vain attempts, it would therefore be advisable that he
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 121 
 
 In garb of deception boy Ireland now view. 
 With Vortigem dauntlessly brave critic crew, 
 Thus proving mere childhood can acumen blind, 
 And veil youthful faults with bright flashes of mind. 
 For rant, long establish 'd, an Holman must write : 
 His at Hmne was Abroad ; a poltroon prov'd his 
 Knight, {y) 
 
 should continue to issue forth his puny attempts at Shakspe- 
 rian imitation ; indeed, his own morning print is the best vehi- 
 cle for giving publicity to the lucubrations of himself and his 
 worthy compeer Anthonij Pasquin. As to Major Topham, 
 of greyhound and sporting celebrity, I would most seriously 
 advise him to stick to the breed of dogs rather than attempt in 
 future to amuse an English audience ; for, after the justly merit- 
 ed fate of Small Talk, or the Westminster Boy, what can* be 
 expected to emanate from such a Muse but the most consum- 
 mate nonsense ? 
 
 (yj The fate of Vortigern is well known to the public ; it 
 \\ as the effusion of a youth of eighteen, and, if not possessed of 
 ij^^ome beauties when read in the closet, the wisest and most able 
 critics must have been most egregiously deceived. After the 
 ubove piece had been brought forth among the fabricated
 
 122 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Monk Lewis, of trick most consummate projector, 
 Bamboozled John Bull with his Castle and Spectre; (z) 
 
 papers attributed to Shakspeare, a second play, entitled Henry 
 II. was produced by young Ireland ; and, after his confession of 
 the forgery, was also written a play under the title of Mutius 
 Scevola. With respect to the merits of this writer, whose works 
 are very numerous, it would be unfair to have recourse to the 
 reviewers;' the stigma of having deceived the public uniformly 
 follows his career, and, be his efforts what they may, the lash of 
 severest criticism at all times pursues him. It is said, however, 
 that many productions from his pen have appeared without any 
 signature, which have been much commended : it is therefore to 
 be regretted that this gentleman does not avow to the world all 
 lie has written, that they may be fuUy enabled to appreciate the 
 extent of his literary acquirements. Having adverted above to 
 the subject of the Shaksperian forgery, I cannot, as appertain- 
 ing to the Belles LettreSy here omit the insertion of the following 
 anecdote, which, for its singularity, surpasses even the attempts of 
 Chalterton, Lauder, or Ireland. 
 
 Pere Hardouin, a Jesuit, strove, about the middle of tlie last 
 century, to gain immortality by dispossessing the Latin poets, in 
 particular, of their seats in Parnassus; the idea propagated by 
 this father was, that, about 350 years ago, when learning was re-
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 123 
 
 Which, alas ! in their trammels gave folly full sway: 
 But, the fever subsided, we greet Reason's ray. 
 
 viving in the north of Europe, a set of Literati, all protestant»i, 
 united to form a body of fictitious poems, congenial to a few 
 which were really extant ; to these tliey prefixed the respectable 
 names of l^ irgil, Ovid, Sec. In short, the good Jesuit only 
 allowed, as genuine, the Georgics of T'irgil, the Epistles ol 
 Horace, and a few more fragments. Some regarded this trea- 
 tise as the offspring of a frenzied brain, while others conjectured 
 that Hardouin was encouraged by his brethren in this attack on 
 the pillars of literature, in order that, should he succeed, and in- 
 troduce again into the world the obscurity of former ages, the 
 clergy might then resume that superiority which the learned will 
 always be able to support among the ignorant. The cry was, 
 however, so loud against this ridiculous system, that the author 
 was abandoned, and even cried down by the votaries of his own 
 order. 
 
 Lauder, a learned but petulant North Briton, assaulted the 
 reputation of Milton, about the same period, with the same suc- 
 cess ; but his motive for the attack was, avowedly, envy at the 
 preference given by Pope to that great Bard above " one 
 Johnstone,'' whose works Lauder was concerned in publishing.
 
 124 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Charles Dibd'm, and Tom, worthy chips of the block. 
 Pen language and songs for the wearers of sock ; 
 While, bold and unblushing, comes Theodore Hooke, 
 For ever enroll'd in rank plagiary's book. 
 
 (2) Write when he vvill, and what he will, spectres must attend 
 this gentleman's Muse ; of whom having previously spoken, I 
 shall content myself with offering my congratulations upon the 
 run of his piece, without mentioning one syllable in commenda- 
 tion of his dramatic style, or the Clap-Trap system which he has 
 uniformly adopted during the progress of his theatrical career. 
 The two younger Dibdins, pursuing the track of the parent, have 
 indefatigably laboured in their literary and musical avocations : 
 they are far from being deficient on the score of talent, and their 
 uniform industry entitles them to the highest commendation. 
 Mr. Theodoi^e Hooke, full of eccentricity, and who exists but to 
 partake of the gratifications of life, is now absent from England : 
 that he possesses talents cannot be denied ; but, like many men of 
 ability, his natural unstableness debars him from adopting any 
 fixed mode of action : one hint, however, it is necessary that I 
 should give this gentleman, whose effrontery in having produced 
 Tekeli as his own (which is a translation verbatim from the 
 French), may be esteemed one of the most flagrant proceedings 
 that ever characterized the conduct of a dramatic writer : a pla- 
 giary, \\ hen delicately concealed, we can willingly pardon \ but
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 125 
 
 Nail Brandy once assail' d with Melpomene's fury. 
 
 Was d n*d, with her piece, by an horse-laughing 
 
 jury : 
 While West on dramatical stream safely glides. 
 Depicting an Edmund, surnam'd L^onsides : 
 To whom add a Chambers, whose pen aptly blends 
 True merits dramatic in School for her Frie?ids. (a) 
 
 to father the whole production of another, and stand forth to the 
 world with such a barefaced untruth, is a mode of action which 
 could not even have been expected from the thoughtless dra- 
 matist of whom I have spoken. 
 
 Movet cornicula risum 
 
 Furtivis nudata coloribus. Horace. 
 
 The crow when stript of her borrowed plumes excites our 
 laughter. 
 
 (a) It is melancholy to observe how some persons wilfully 
 endeavour to force themselves into publicity, without possess- 
 ing an attribute that can entitle them to merit that praise which 
 they are so assiduously bent upon obtaining. Miss Hannah^ 
 J5rfl«rf, the, very able mistress of a lady's seminary, not only con-
 
 1 26 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 With Castle of Wolmer comes tame Doctor Houlton, 
 Whose Muse rode, alas ! but a poor ragged colton : 
 And Kenny y true man of the world, tunes his mind; 
 False Alarms he'll despise, when he's Raising the 
 
 Wind. 
 Friends Hulston and aSw/^^ jointly court approbation; 
 A¥hile versatile Allingham loves Transformation : 
 
 ceived herself capable of writing for the stage, but actually came 
 forward as the performer of the heroine in her own piece, which 
 was a tragedy entitled Unlades. On the night of representation 
 the writer of this note was present, and never were the wearers 
 of the buskin greeted with such incessant peals of laughter : the 
 tragedy was rendered into broad farce, wiiich the solemn de- 
 meanour of our heroine, who did not expect the transmogrifica- 
 tion, tended to increase throughout each successive act. Let 
 the reader, however, judge for himself as to matters as they stood 
 after perusal of the following fact. The late Mr. R. Palmer, 
 who performed the part of the tyrant ravisher, instead of ordering 
 old Packer in the following words, " Rise up Oriades" literally 
 exclaimed, to the prostrate actor, " Rise up old Ragged A — e." 
 
 To Mcsdames West and Chamhers much praise is due for 
 their endeavours to increase the theatrical budget : their style is
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 127 
 
 For Frolics of Fortune^ like Promise of Marriage, 
 He deems All a Farce^ doom'd to Fatal Miscar- 
 riage, {b) 
 
 correct, and language pure ; nor do we find any of those hyper- 
 bolical flights for which female writers, and particularly for the 
 stage, are frequently censured with becoming justice. 
 
 (b) Having witnessed the first night's representation of The 
 Castle of Wolmer, I have only to acquaint its author that he had 
 better — " Sleep in Peace." Kenny possesses some requisites 
 for broad farce, but he is not sufficiently skilful in the conceal- 
 ment of his plagiaries. This gentleman is, I believe, an heir- 
 loom to Covent Garden theatre, receiving an annual stipend for 
 his dramatic efforts; I would therefore advise the managers 
 not to grapple at too much, but peniiit him to write less 
 and think more. Hulston and Smith rank nearly upon a par : 
 we know their names as caterers for the theatre, and little more 
 is necessary ; theu' productions certainly will not outlive their 
 memories. Mr. Allingham has not proved himself an indolent 
 purveyor for the dramatic corps; in some instances we have 
 witnessed flashes from the fancy of this gentleman, but, like most 
 of the moderns, he appreciates the acquirement of fame by the 
 quantum which a writer can produce. Add to these the name 
 of Mr. Lawler, who brought forward a piece called Sharp and
 
 1 28 SCR JBBLEOM ANIA. 
 
 George Brexver, with frowns of the world looking 
 
 wan, 
 Too oft hath experienc'd his Day of Banyan. 
 Recorded, Charles Kemble must stand, as translator, 
 And Skejffy^ of Melo Drames noted dictator : 
 Nor slight we friend Farley, possessing attraction, 
 In planning his Ballets, horrific, of Action, (c) 
 
 Flat, the conclusive word of which title is, in every respect, ap- 
 phcable to the nature of the dramatic effort in question. 
 
 (c) Mr. George Brezeer has more than once attempted scenic 
 compositions, and in his efforts to produce humour, he soars 
 above mediocrity' ; but the Hterary fame of this personage is 
 better appreciated by consuhing his labours as an essayist in 
 the style of Goldsmith, in which department he has a very 
 happy flow of deUvery. The younger Kemble is only known 
 in the light of a translator ; he is well acquainted with the arcana 
 of stage-trick, and in pursuing this humble line may benefit 
 himself and his employers, without setting his fame on the 
 hazard oj the die. As for Mr. John Philips the tragedian of 
 the same name, he once entered the flowery pastures of poesy, 
 and produced a volume of miscellaneous metrical scraps, of 
 which '\X will be sufficient to state, that the author is himself su
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 129 
 
 But these flights of warm fancy with fame to endow, 
 Creating 'mongst playwrights a terrible row ; 
 Shall chronicle Bishop^ whose Feast ofOronzo 
 Stabs sense as Pizarro is kill'd by Alonzo ; 
 Since never was scribe yet so no7i compos mentis. 
 And ranking of Bathos more sterling apprentice : (r/) 
 
 truly ashamed, that he has, at a vast expense, repurchased and 
 destroyed nearly all the copies that were ushered forth to the 
 public. The performances of Mr. Skejjington, like his person, 
 are of the tinsel order; he phmders scraps from all the old 
 French and Italian compositions, and of this amalgama, or 
 patch-work, furbishes up a something of the butterfly breed, 
 which lives for a day and then is heard no more. Farley, with- 
 out attempting what he would be unable to achieve, is satisfied 
 M ith the honest endeavour of benefiting himself and his employ- 
 eis, by produchig a species of spectacle, which, if, from its 
 nature, placed without the pale of criticism, is nevertheless 
 eagerly sought for by the public ; and, therefore, whatsoever 
 may be the writer's opinion, as to what is strictly due to the 
 legitimate stage, this gentleman, obedient only to the taste of 
 the tunes, acts accordingly ; and in his vocation, it is but justice 
 to add, no individual has ever yet surpassed him. 
 
 {d) The personage above mentioned was butler in a gentle- 
 man's family, and having lost his wits like many other writers, 
 
 K
 
 130 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Thus from authors dramatic retiring, I'll now 
 To the foremost, and fag-end, most humbly make 
 bow. 
 
 \\ ho notwithstanding conceive themselves in possession of every 
 saue faculty, took it into his head that he could compose a tra- 
 gedy ; which was executed accordingly ; when, in order to bene- 
 fit the poor fellow in a pecuniary point of view, subscriptions 
 were collected by his late employer, from persons of fashion, in 
 order to have the piece elegantly printed in quarto, with decora- 
 tive engravings. One of these volumes the writer hereof has 
 partly perused; and if it were possible to conceive what a 
 thousand personages writing a thousand lines promiscuously 
 would produce, then may the subject matter of Orouzo's Feast 
 be truly defined. Having now come to a close with the dra- 
 matic literary corps, I must request the pardon of many per- 
 sonages, whose names are not inscribed in the poem of -SVr 
 Noodle, or my own elaborate annotations ; such individuals, 
 for instance, as Boaden, the author of Fontainville Forest, who, 
 some years back, intended " To tip Billy Shakspeare the go 
 hy" but, unfortunately for the public, has not yet been as 
 good as his word Apropos, one more individual shall blazon 
 my page, viz. the late Miles Peter Andrezc , from whose pen. 
 It must be confessed; many well written prologues and epilogues
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANI A. 1 3 1 
 
 My candour must strike ev'ry playwright, I'm cer- 
 tain ; 
 
 The piece, therefore, closing, I drop the green 
 curtain. 
 
 have appeared, which, I believe, without a single exception, 
 received the most flattering applause that could possibly ac- 
 company such species of compositions. 
 
 k2
 
 Romance WBvittvs, 
 
 Majoremjidem homines adhibent eis quce non intelUgunt. Cupi- 
 dine hummii ingenii libentius obscura creduntur. 
 
 Pliny. . 
 
 Men are usually prone to believe that which they least compre- 
 hend; and, through the instability of human wit, obscure things 
 are thus more easily accredited. 
 
 Assist me, ye gods, this dread task to subdue. 
 My muse 'gins to flag, though the theme's scarce in 
 
 view ; 
 Tlie names wou'd engross quarto volume j — while 
 
 foHo 
 Wou'd not contain titles of works, wondrous olio :
 
 134 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 My task, then, must be to select from the crowd, 
 While the phalanx, by hundreds, in note I'll en- 
 shroud. 
 Ah ! prove then, ye Nine, and Apollo propitious ! 
 Unaided by you my gall'd nag will grow vicious j 
 When I shall my saddle incontinent lose, 
 And reap, for my pains, the loud laugh of tlie 
 muse, (e) 
 
 (e) Nothing more powerfully displays that men are all but 
 children of a larger growth, than the extraordinary predilection 
 which is more or less manifested by every rank of society for 
 the perusal of the marvellous. Nay even though we pretend to 
 deride the idea of supernatural agency, we are, nevertheless, 
 fond of listening to the detail of any narrative, avouched as a 
 fact, though it is in direct opposition to the tenets we profess. 
 Under these circumstances it is not surprising that Milton, 
 Locke, and Dr. JohnsoJi, should have felt interested in the pe- 
 rusal of romances, and the fables of knights errant and their 
 persecuted dulcineas. Within the last twenty years the leading 
 features of romance writing have undergone a complete change, 
 as no production of this nature can go down, the drama of 
 which is not performed in a catholic country, and the burthen 
 of the tale connected with some wandering spirit of the night. 
 
 k
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. isr. 
 
 On this perilous sea, then, my vessel Pll steer; 
 O! may I from shoals and from quicksands get 
 clear ! 
 
 To Clara Reeve and Sir Horace JValpole we are greatly 
 indebted for this species of composition, which afterwards 
 received additional strength from the German productions 
 respectmg the Illuminati, Rosicrucians, &c. 8cc., while, with 
 giant strides, a Radcliffe and Monk Lezcis appeared with Jiuu- 
 brations that made the former tales of the nursery appear as so 
 many insignificant pigmies. In the old romances we find no 
 mention of ghosts ; but, in lieu of such flitting agency, if we 
 refer to the black letter translations, for the which we are in- 
 debted to Sir John Boiirchier, Knight, Lord Berners, we 
 shall perceive many which possess a great share of merit. The 
 Mort D' Arthur abounds with picturesque scenes, particularly 
 one, where the effect of the " stroke dolorous" is described. 
 " Huon of Bonrdcaux' has conferred obligations on many sub- 
 sequent writers, which they had not the gratitude to acknow- 
 ledge. His wild and picturesque stories of Judas whirling 
 about in the sea, and of Cain in the desert, with an attendant 
 friend, have supplied M. Petit de la Croix with the most inte- 
 resting parts of his Persian Tales; nor has Huon''s " Castle of 
 Adamant" been spared by the same plagiarist. — There is a ro- 
 mance little known, called " Galienus Restored" ^\\\\c\\, from the 
 specimen given by an ingenious French writer, must be ^ery inte-
 
 \3G SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 R.omancers stand forth :— novel scribes straight arise, 
 Whose furor consists in retailing huge lies. 
 
 resting. The account of a visit, which, the author says, Chark- 
 magne and his twelve peers paid to an Emperor Hugo of Con- 
 stantinople, and the reception which that prince gave to them, 
 is, as the same writer expresses it, " Un des plus grand naive- 
 tez qu'on ait jamais ecrites." After a magnificent entertain- 
 ment these guests were conducted to a sumptuous bed-cham- 
 ber by Prince Tiberius and the lovely Princess Jacqueline. 
 Thirteen pompous beds ornamented the apartment; that in 
 the middle was for Charlemagne, who, not being sleepy, pro- 
 posed to amuse himself with his knights by a species of con- 
 versation which the author of the romance calls " Gaber," and 
 which consisted of the most improbable rhodomontades ; from 
 whence, it is conjectured, is derived " The Gift of the Gab.' 
 The emperor himself began by vaunting that, with his good 
 sword Joyeusej he could cut a man in twain, though defended 
 by the best tempered steel. Orlando, his nephew, professed 
 that, with a blast of his horn, he would level with the ground 
 fifty fathoms of the walls of Constantinople ; and thus every 
 peer made his boast, when, the Gabs being completed, the 
 party composed themselves to sleep, which would not have 
 been the case had they known what awaited them the ensuing 
 morning. Now it chanced that the Emperor Hugo, e.xpcct-
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 137 
 
 In mazes monastic of Strawberry Hill, 
 
 Sir Horace first issu'd the marvellous pill ; 
 
 His brain teeming hot with the chivalrous rant, O ! 
 
 Engendered the Giant, and Castle Otranto : (/) 
 
 ing much from the conversation of thirteen such paragons of 
 valour and wisdom, placed a spy, who was directed to note 
 every word which passed, and report the same early in the 
 morning. The commission was faithfully executed, and the 
 result made known to Hugo, who was so disappointed to find, 
 in the room of the wise maxims he had expected, such a farrago 
 of lies, that, unmindful of the laws of hospitality, he sent word 
 to the whole party, that, unless each performed the purport of 
 his " Gab" he had made an oath to hang up every one of them, 
 not excepting the great Charlemagne himselt The remainder 
 of the story is too long, too profane, and much too free for this 
 work ; wherefore those who are desirous of ascertaining how 
 the emperor and his peers extricated themselves from the scrape 
 must consult Menage, who will inform them of the humanity of 
 Princess Jacqueline, and of the very different figure which a 
 celestial messenger made by undertaking a business quite out 
 of his line. 
 
 (J') The style of tliis would-be flight of fancy, like the dull 
 monotonous language of the Mi/slerious Mother before men-
 
 138 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 A stupi'l, incongruous, blundering tale. 
 
 The '^ of whose writer alone caus'd its sale; 
 
 Since, had Leadenhall's Lane seen the work, I'll be 
 
 bound, 
 To possess it he would not have proffer'd five pound. 
 Not thu.^ c^'f '^he Old English Baron we'll speak, 
 Of falsehoods now extant a most happy freak ; {g) 
 
 tioaed, is a further convincing proof of its writer's total incapa- 
 ci y to produce any composition bearing the stamp of origi- 
 nai:'v aud gt^iiius. As a compiler of the Anecdotes of Painting 
 and I raving, Lord Orford appears in a respectable light; 
 but .01 the accomplishment of any literary attempt beyond the 
 mere d udgery of research he never was intended by nature; 
 and, consequently, the world would have lost nothing had his 
 rorr ance and his drama existed only in the mazes of Iub lord- 
 ship's pericranium. 
 
 (g) There is a simplicity in the style and a constant interest 
 kept up throughout the tale of Miss Reeve's Old English Baiou, 
 which am t < ominand t^e plaudits even of the most fastidious 
 advocates for literature ; for myself I am free to confess that I 
 perused its pages with infinite pleasure ; nor is thefe, in my
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 1J9 
 
 For which I must compliment scribe Clara Reeve 
 As the lady most able to lie and deceive j 
 By hobgoblins bit, and knights errant, her hosts. 
 She brought forth, at length, a complete brace of 
 
 ghosts ; 
 While story of Dame and her murder'd Lord Lovel 
 Hath made Miss oft cold as Sir Cloiidesly Shovell^ 
 I mean marble effigy greeting the eyes, 
 Which smother 'd with wig in the Abbey snug lies. 
 The name of a Lee, next, my muse shall impress. 
 Who bewitched youths and maids with her charm- 
 ing Recess ; 
 A tale that condenses some truth with much fiction. 
 And is passably fair on the score of its diction. (//) 
 
 humble opinion, a better fiction now extant among the count- 
 less works of the same description which have since been 
 handed froip the circulating libraries. 
 
 (h) Miss Lee^s Recess is ably put together ; she has blended 
 tjruth with fiction in a masterly way, and the only fault of this 
 production is the tediousncss of the last volume.
 
 140 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Amie RadcUffe, Leviathan fam'd of romance, (t) 
 With grand cacoethes throws reason in trance. 
 Descriptions she gives both by sea and by land. 
 But the devil a soul can the scene understand ; 
 
 (i) Much has been said respecting the Mysteries of Udolpho, 
 from the pen of the above lady ; but 1 have no hesitation in 
 stating that I should never for a moment balance in awarding 
 the preference to the Romance of the Forest. In the first-men- 
 tioned production the descriptions are carried on to an extent 
 that not only renders them tedious, but unintelligible; and I 
 very much query if two, and sometimes three of SoninVs Alpine 
 pictures were not condensed into one by the author upon these 
 occasions. But the most flagrant defect in this performance 
 is the miserable denouement of what constituted such unceasing 
 terror during so many thick volumes ; I mean a mere effigy in 
 wax behind a curtain, which every reader is prompted to believe 
 a more horrific spectacle than ever before met human optics. 
 The Romance of the Forest, on the contrary, is replete with 
 interest ; such actions, such scenery, and such characters might, 
 and doubtless have, existed; and for this plain reason do I pre- 
 fer the last mentioned volumes. As to Mrs, Radcliffe's pro- 
 ductions, taken in the aggregate, they undoubtedly prove her 
 to have possessed a most fertile imagination combined with no 
 small share of literary acumen.
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 141 
 
 While villains so often assume difF'rent scowls, 
 And glare with their goggles j they needs must be 
 
 owls. 
 Add misses most constant in caverns and thickets. 
 Who, drench'd, ne'er catch colds, though without 
 
 change of smickets. 
 Young knights that on love are so constantly think- 
 ing. 
 They scorn the stale fashion of eating and drinking. 
 
 With these ably hash up dark tall waving trees, 
 
 High ramparts, watch-turrets, cloud-capp'd Pyre- 
 nees; 
 
 A horde of banditti; a mysterious monk ; 
 
 Their readers, by heavens, are all in a funk. 
 
 Lol such prov'd the spells whereby publishers 
 sweated 
 
 For profit, first paying those hundreds Ann netted. 
 
 We next turn to Lewis, of monkish renown, {j) 
 
 Who tickled the fancies of girls of the town ; 
 
 (j) Having previously commented Mr. Lewis's productions 
 Tinder the head of poetry, I shall content myself by stating,
 
 142 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 To whom let's subjoin female sprig of Jew King, 
 That makes her lewd heroine act the same thing (/.;) 
 
 that, from this writer's horrific predilection, he would not have 
 found a bad auxiliary in Mr, Urquhart, of the navy depart- 
 ment in Somerset House, whose taste, as a book and print col- 
 lector, is further extended to a predilection for the ropes which 
 have ended the career of all our notorious malefactors ; which 
 relics might have afforded ample scope for the production of 
 the terrific from Monk Lezois's pen. Strange, however, as this 
 branch of collecting may be deemed, I do not see but much 
 good may result from the same ; as upon reviewing each 
 life-bereaving cord, the possessor cannot fail to recur to the 
 particular crime of the man whose career it was instrumental 
 in terminating; and from thence a train of reflections, no 
 doubt, occupy the mind of Mr. Urquhart, as to the baleful 
 effect of indulging, to excess, certain passions of the human 
 heart, which more or less contributed to the disgraceful exit of 
 the criminal. From this it is evident that circumstances, how- 
 ever trivial to appearance, may act as a most beneficial lesson 
 to the contemplative and well-informed mind. 
 
 (;t) Thejady now under review, who cherishes, I believe, all 
 the extravagant notions of Mary Wolstonecraft, has apparently 
 endeavoured, also, to adopt her vigorous mode of expression, 
 -All this may be excusable in a female, but any mind tinctured
 
 8CRIBBLE0MANIA. 143 
 
 As she with Zqfloya the Moor plays at evil, 
 Who proves in the sequel none else but the devil. 
 On a par with the last now her sister behold. 
 Whose morality's cast in the very same mould; 
 I'faith, in perusing their works, without slander. 
 Each breast, it should seem, must enshrine sala- 
 mander : 
 Descriptions so luscious — such pictures of passion — • 
 That prudes, ta*en with furor, to ruin might dash on. 
 Scenes wrought to a pitch worthy famous King's 
 
 Place, 
 While sentiments breathe ne-d) philosophers grace ; 
 
 with morality can never for a moment tolerate the giving pub- 
 licity to such scenes, heightened by the most florid descriptions, 
 as are delineated in the progress of Zoftoya the Moor. It is 
 universally allowed that the existing state of society is suffici- 
 ently depraved; wherefore, let such writers take shame to 
 themselves who not only labour to increase the existmg evil, 
 but w ilbngly pervert those talents which, if applied to the pur- 
 poses of virtue, science, and morality, would not fail to insure
 
 144 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 E'en such is the witchery us'd by this pair ; 
 Preserve me, good Heaven, from any such Fair/ (l) 
 To overthrow modesty roads there are twain, 
 One wily and specious, the other quite plain. 
 Libidinous themes will awake foul desires, 
 And, banishing decency, light lustful fires : 
 AVhile sentiments specious pure truth undermine, 
 Like gold-coated snake, crushing prey in its twine. 
 From Ida of Athens these principles flow. 
 Just varnish'd like Eloise, fam'd of Rousseau. 
 As censor, Sir Noodle can ne'er accord praise 
 To themes thus subversive, though writer shou'd 
 blaze 
 
 to the possessor the respect and admiration of every praise- 
 worthy member of the community. 
 
 (/) As the last annotation applied to the sister of the above 
 lady also conveys my opinion respecting the present personage, 
 I shall dismiss the subject with this remark, that, to the con- 
 clusive line of Sir Noodle's stricture, I, from my very soul, 
 exclaim Amen. 
 
 i
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 14; 
 
 A dame of high fashion, with beauty and learning, 
 Since science should show greater store of discerning. 
 To the dame, then, in question. Sir Noodle advises 
 That, if present fame and the future she prizes. 
 And again should commit lucubrations to press. 
 They may greet public eyes in a different dress ; 
 For, to circumvent morals in man is a curse ; 
 But, from ladies, such works are ten thousand times 
 
 worse, (m) 
 A corps of romancers I now mean to call out. 
 So skiil'd at the long bow, there's no fear they'll fall 
 
 out. 
 
 (w) The compositions of Miss Owenson (now Lady Mor- 
 gan), I must candidly allow have delighted me; and 1 will 
 therefore refrain from any further animadversions than are 
 couched in the above couplets, as it would be ungallant in the 
 extreme to follow up the t\\'o preceding comments by a third 
 attack upon a female's productions, whose good sense will, 
 I am convinced, in future, prevent the necessity of using 
 the language of reprehension, should her fancy comaiit any 
 •further lucubrations to the ordeal of public scrutiny.
 
 146 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Now, X^orporal Godwin, come forth from the clus- 
 ter ; {n) 
 
 Thy Leon possessed gold thou never wilt muster; 
 
 And, though youth-preserving elixir he boasted, 
 
 Like thee, through life's course, he was constantly 
 roasted ; 
 
 As hapless as Wolsto^iecraft, man's arts contemning, 
 
 Who sacrific*d self to those lures thus condemning. 
 
 Serjeants Ireland and Curtis, (o) your stations now 
 take. 
 
 Nor e'er permit sense falsehood's barrier to break ; 
 
 [)i) This gentleman, who has long found out tiie fallacy of 
 interfering with the political horizon, is now honourably em- 
 ployed in placing to account those talents he possesses. As a 
 romance writer he has justly acquired a high degree of con- 
 sideration ; his fictions are tolerably managed ; and the lan- 
 guage, though sometimes inflated, is not of that vague cha- 
 racter which marks the generality of such performances. 
 
 (o) Sir Scribblecumdash having thought fit to unite the 
 above gentlemen, I shall not have the temerity to break the
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 147 
 
 Be it thine, junior Shakespeare that vagrant to stick, 
 Who wou'd ravish The Abbess, or free Catholick. 
 While, Curtis, 'tis yours the Watch Toiso'r to defend. 
 Lest Sons of Ulthona steal Scottish Legend. 
 Now, petticoat sisters, your care next must be. 
 Staunch Porters (p) to scour through the Scottish 
 Country; 
 
 link, as the performances of both partake sufficiently of the 
 marvellous to rank them brothers in fiction. Mr. Ireland's 
 ebullitions of this class contain much imagery ; and though his 
 language is at times rather inflated, yet, upon the whole, the 
 natural flow of his phrases bespeaks a mind attuned to har- 
 mony, while his plots and the developements of his fictions are 
 the indications of a creative fancy. Mr. Curtis, pursuing a 
 similar track, is not only more copious in his descriptive parts, 
 after the manner of June Ractclijfe, but his incidents partake 
 in a greater degree of the marvellous than those of his com- 
 peer. However, with all these extravagancies, there is no 
 doubt but ladies out of number have trembled for the fate of 
 the heroes, and wept over the distresses of the dulcineas of their 
 eventful pages, 
 
 (p) Three sisters of the above name have displayed much 
 talent in pursuing this walk of literature ; and the praise which 
 
 L 2
 
 148 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Sometimes *tis a Wallace your succours must draw, 
 At others great Thaddeiis, fam'd at Warsaw, 
 With look of a don, and a wonderful Walker (q) 
 Comes guarding The Monk of Madrid^ a bold talker, 
 Whose high sounding phrase might Don Raphael 
 
 dismay. 
 And the Vagabond ship off to Botany Bay. 
 As females can manage their lords in this realm, 
 I shall station, as steerswoman, famous Ma'am 
 
 Helme ; 
 
 has been bestowed by romance readers upon their several 
 labours is but a just tribute to their industry and literary 
 deserts. 
 
 (q) In addition to his romantic productions, which are of ;i 
 superior class, the gentleman, of whom I now speak, is the 
 author of a novel entitled the Vagabond, containing an in- 
 structive lesson and excellent sarcasm upon the pursuits of a 
 misguided individual, who, led astray by the false philosoph) 
 of the then revolutionized France, became a prey to suflfer- 
 ings and misfortunes which were the sole result of his own mis- 
 guided opinions and immoral pursuits.
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANfA. 149 
 
 \ ' ' ■ — - — '■ — ■ - "' 
 
 Who, doubtless, will ne'er from the press issue 
 
 dross 
 After Liglewood Forest and Pilgrim of Cross, (r) 
 Sir Southey^ now chang'd from his garretteer state, 
 To write silly odes, and palaver the great. 
 Must high raise the pike former friends to appal 
 With Amadis boasted for being De Gaul, {s) 
 
 (r) The Pilgrim of the Cross, from the pen of Mrs. Helme, 
 though possessing great merit as a romance, must, notwith- 
 standing, yield the palm to her Farmer of Inglevvood Forest, 
 than which a better novel, perhaps, has not of late years issued 
 from the British press, 
 
 (s) Fully determined to attempt every style of literature, our 
 great epic laureat has not disdained to herd with the children 
 of romance by producing the above performance, throughout 
 which we find a great deal that calls to remembrance the 
 pompous and declamatory ebullitions contained in Sydney's 
 Arcadia; in short, all the lucubrations of this gentleman dis- 
 play a certain something which indicates that the writer is 
 desirous of exclaiming with King Richard, " I have no bro- 
 ther, am like no brother."
 
 3^0 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 What wou'd you, now, Murphy? Be off, cunning 
 
 thief! 
 Be so kind as keep watch o'er your Milesian 
 
 Chief (0 
 Odds blood! now, don't blush at the capture you've 
 
 made; 
 He*s as good as the best of the romancing trade. 
 Friend Lalhoni's Astonishmeiit cannot be rais'd 
 When I tell him the females his prowess have 
 
 prais'd j 
 
 (t) The abilities of Messrs. Murphy and Latham are of the 
 most respectable class, with whom may be conjoined Mr. N. 
 Brewer ; not so is it, however, with Miss Stanhope, who pro- 
 duced the Bandit's Bride, a romance which will never soar 
 above mediocrity in the judgment of any unbiassed reader. 
 Having now brought Sir Noodle to the termination of his 
 muse's present flight, I deem it necessary to remark that the 
 catalogue of uon-descripts, designating themselves retailers of 
 the wonderful, might be extended beyond all conception; but 
 when it is remembered that such annotations could contain 
 nothing but a recapitulation of unknown names, the catalogue 
 may well be spared.
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 151 
 
 Nor will it be kindling of Stanhope the pride. 
 To mention, as favoured, her Bandit* s dear Bride ; 
 While Brewer at all times may laugh o'er good ale. 
 Recounting to hearers his own Winter's Tale, 
 Thus corporal's guard I*ve reviewed on their 
 
 prancers, 
 And so take my leave of these maniac romancers.
 
 Jtobeli0ts. 
 
 Even as the father was, so will the son be 
 
 From the plains of romance, where, in battle array. 
 My troops have but now had a partial field day, 
 I, Scribblecumdash, must take peep at the ocean 
 Where three-decker Novelist (u) now is in motion ; 
 
 (u) The mind of man in every age has felt, at periods, a 
 wish for relaxation ; and, in such cases, books of the lighter 
 class have generally been resorted to ; nor has there ever been
 
 154 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 The crew quite elated have just mann'd the sides. 
 And, supported by misses, wives, widows — she rides; 
 
 a period when numerous writers have not stepped forward to 
 indulge all readers of this denomination. Novelists of the 
 present day have not much to boast upon the score of wit or 
 contrivance ; nevertheless, generally speaking, they do not give 
 publicity to tenets subversive of morality. With regard to the 
 number of novel writers, and the consequent quantity of works 
 that issue from the press, they are almost incalculable, as the 
 circulating libraries of the metropolis can sufficiently testify. 
 In order to prove, however, that quantity is not at all times 
 requisite for the amusement of a population, the following 
 anecdote will sufficiently tend to demonstrate. 
 
 About eighty years back the whole stock of books in one of 
 the Scilly Islands consisted of a Bible and the History of Dr. 
 Faustus. The spot was populous, and the inhabitants of the 
 western district being addicted to literature, the conjuror's 
 story had been handed from hou?e to house, until, from per^- 
 petual thumbing, little of his enchantments or momentous 
 history remained legible. At this most alarming juncture a 
 meeting was called of the principal inhabitants, and a proposal 
 was made, and unanimously approved, that, as soon as the 
 season would permit any intercourse with Cornwallf a supply
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 15^ 
 
 Her port ev*ry station for books circulating. 
 Whose trade is right famous for fools all inflating. 
 Miss Blimey (vj as captain on quarter-deck paces. 
 Of sweet Evelina displaying the graces ; 
 
 of books should be sent for. A debate in consequence began, 
 in order to ascertain what selection should be made upon this 
 occasion, when the result proved that an order shoiJd be trans- 
 mitted to an eminent bookseller at Penzance^ for him to send 
 another copy of Dr. Fauslus. 
 
 (v) If every work of the novel cast was written after the 
 plan of the above cited productions, there would be little oc- 
 casion for criticism, as it is impossible to find fault with Miss 
 Burney's labours, whicli have solely for their object the edi- 
 fication as well as amusement of the reader. It has been said 
 that this writer was aided, in some instances, by a very famous 
 literary character ; and that one of the personages in Cecilia 
 was drawn as a portraiture of himself; in which case the more 
 praise is due to our literary female, who must have given in- 
 contestable proofs of her ability before she could receive tlie 
 countenance of so great a pioneer of literature.
 
 I 
 
 156 SCRIBBLE0>T4NIA. 
 
 While, iink'd in close friendship, Cecilia is seen 
 With Camilla, who braves life's rough storm like a 
 
 queen. 
 Close at hand are Lieutenants Smith, Lennox, and 
 
 Roche, (re) 
 Who seem to command no one else to approach. 
 
 (zc) The writings of Charlotte Smith are of a very superior 
 cast; and her knowledge of men and manners is conspicuously 
 blazoned throughout her prose effusions, while her poetry, and 
 particularly her sonnets, approach nearer to those of Petrarch 
 than any that have yet made their appearance. One trait I 
 shall detail of this author, which sufficiently demonstrates her 
 being possessed of genius, if, as it is said, improvidence and 
 want of thought be the characteristics of inborn talent. The 
 writer was once present at a bookseller's when Mrs. Smith 
 drove up to his door in a post-chaise and four, and after being 
 for a time closetted with the publisher in question, the chaise 
 was discharged, when it afterwards appeared that she had 
 brought up a manuscript from the country to be disposed of; 
 and, until an advance upon the same had been made, she lite- 
 rally was without a shilling to discharge the vehicle which had 
 conveyed her to the metropolis. Mrs. Lenox, though not
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 157 
 
 The first, though at times having scarcely a souse. 
 Talks loudly, forsooth, of her Old Manor House ; 
 And vows that the first who with her wants makes 
 
 free, 
 As sure as a gun shall a BanisJid Man be. 
 The second, quite high toss'd, wields pen in fine 
 
 style, 
 \nd, instead of tales hatch'd on her own native 
 
 isle, 
 
 possessed of the high literary requisites of a Burnet/ or Smith, 
 i)as given to the world some specimens of abiUty which will 
 never fail to rank her among the higher class of novelists. 
 From the quantity of trash that has issued from Leadenhall 
 Street, it has been justly remarked that, instead of Minena, a 
 goose should have been the designation of its far-famed press; 
 but, as there is no rule without an exception, so, in the pre- 
 sent instance, we may with justice allow that Mrs. Roche's 
 Children of the Abbey is certainly a counterpoise to hundreds 
 of novels which should never have met the light; wherefore 
 this may be justly esteemed as oiie of Mr. Lane's most fortu- 
 nate hits ; for, while this species of composition is favourably 
 received by the public, the fame of Minerva can never be 
 tarnished.
 
 158 SCRIBBLEOMANTA. 
 
 The feats of Euphemia prefers to explore, 
 Wliose pilgrimage grac'd the American shore. 
 Roche, last of this trio, may well her front rear. 
 For Babes of the Abbey in splendor appear ; 
 A brace that must always be comely to view. 
 Since fair is the style — the tale well conceiv*d too. 
 As our ship's a first rate, troops of officers grace her; 
 Then bold must that foe be that ever dar'd face 
 
 her : 
 So now to pipe hands sweet Perdita behold, {x) 
 Whose form e*en a Prhice might be proud to enfold ; 
 
 (j) If the above unfortunate lady's effusions are charac- 
 terized by an acute knowledge of life, there is nothing sur- 
 prizing, as few females had greater cause to abhor the other 
 sex. Had this personage merely displayed the attractions of 
 face and form, the unmanly neglect she experienced might 
 have been accounted for; but, possessing a mind cultivated in 
 the extreme, and formed, as it were, to render a person of 
 polished manners completely happy, we are at a loss how to 
 account for the shameful depravity of the human heart. Inde- 
 pendently of the two productions entitled Angelina, and the
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 159 
 
 Still the traces of sorrow with loveliness blend, 
 
 As with tears in her eyes she upbraids A False 
 
 Friend. 
 Philosopher Holer oft, (y) once pac'd the deck glum, 
 And swore sense of feeling was all a mere hum ; 
 Which plain doth appear, since in vain his wit 
 
 strives 
 To please through seven volumes of Anna St. Ives ; 
 
 False Friend, this writer produced several poetical specimens, 
 which bespeak a mind fraught with pathos and the keenest 
 sensibility. The writer was once in the company of Mrs. Ro- 
 binsvji's daughter, who had caught from her parent the divine 
 spark of poetry, and was, to all appearance, gifted with talents 
 of a very superior nature. 
 
 (1/) There is a studied and pedantic affectation about the 
 novel productions of Mr. Holcroft which render his volumes 
 tedious to the reader; his Anna St. Ives, in particular, re- 
 minds one of such antiquated lucubrations as Cassandra, and 
 other folio works of this description, the perusal of which, to a 
 man of letters of the present iera, would be worse than a pil- 
 grimage barefoot to the chapel of our Lady of Loretto.
 
 1 60 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Since he that can read all her feats without snoring. 
 
 Possession of feeling need ne'er be deploring. 
 
 A Cumberland next {z) grac'd our mania-mann'd ship. 
 
 Who certainly quafF'd of Parnassus's flip ; 
 
 His prose chastely flowing proves classical skill, 
 
 The style unencumber'd, and always at will : 
 
 This fact must his Henry and Arundel show, 
 
 Au contraire, De Lancaster's John trudging slow ; 
 
 Who, pompously turgid, throughout his career 
 
 Of fame thus departed, displays the cold bier. 
 
 [z) The novels of Mi . Cumberland, like his dramatic pro- 
 ductions, display an elegant and easy flow of language ; he is 
 peculiarly happy in eliciting the sentimental or the moral, but 
 his attempts at wit are very feeble. If any particular fault be 
 attachable to a publication of tliis writer's, such reprehension 
 must attend the perusal of his John de Lancaster, which is 
 what may be termed a dull prosing composition; however, 
 notwithstanding his faults, this gentleman must always com- 
 mand admirers, if it were only on account of his chaste style, 
 and the celebrity attached to most of his theatiicul compo- 
 sitions.
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 161 
 
 Come, sensitive Pratt, {a) be thy foes who they may. 
 For rancour hath always of bards much to say : 
 Still I will support thee, as owing a debt 
 From i'eading the Sorrow of Emma Corhhet; 
 Which, if alone extant, to claim my fair dealing, 
 Shou'd share it as well as the sweet Man of Feeling ; 
 A volume no writer need e'er have disowned. 
 Since in breast o? Mackenzie true pathos was thron'd. 
 With Johnsonian vigour behold next a Moore {b) 
 Unveil of his pupil the dark mental store j 
 
 (a) Having spoken at large of Mr. Pratt in the early part 
 of the present volume, I shall merely echo the panegyric of 
 Sir Noodle, by stating, that the melancholy pleasure I expe- 
 rienced in the perusal of Emma Corbbet was equal to that 
 which actuated my breast when first Mackenzie's Man of 
 Feeling met my regard ; and, such being the case, I must 
 again repeat, that, let Mr. Pratt's defe(;Jts, as a w riter, be what 
 they may, he has, nevertheless,ybM7iC? a key to the human heart 
 which many authors accredited of higher repute than this gen- 
 tleman, have never yet been able to discover. 
 
 (6) Dr. Moore's Zeluco, though classed as a novel, is 
 written in a masterly style, that would not disgrace a work of
 
 1 62 SCRIBBLEOMANI A. 
 
 Zeluco with damnable strides chills the heart, 
 Zeluco, who acts foulest murderer's part ; 
 
 the first literary consequence. It has been said, that the cha- 
 racter of his hero was composed in order to pourtray tlie 
 mental qualifications of a distinguished personage, with whom 
 he had been in such close habits of intimacy, that it was im- 
 possible for a gentleman of the doctor's acute discernment not 
 to read the inmost secrets of the heart. The author now 
 under consideration was for many years the tutor to a noble- 
 man of the highest rank, whose appetites were much more 
 addicted to worldly gratifications than the cultivation of the 
 mind ; wherefore, as a specimen of this nobleman's epistolary 
 powers may not be uninteresting to the public, I have annexed 
 the copy of an original letter, now in my possession, being a 
 challenge to a sporting personage, with whom, on the preceding 
 evening, he had had a trifling altercation. 
 
 Epistolary style of the late D — — of H , I he pupil of 
 
 Dr. Moore. 
 
 Siu, 
 You have acted in a manner very unbecoming the character 
 of a gentleman with regard to me. I ask satisfaction ; aiid, as 
 we can neither course nor hunt to-morrow, that day will be l!;e
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANI A. ] 63 
 
 If such be man's nature, the scene let us close, 
 Lest visions of horror bhght nature's repose. 
 Now gazing on Luna, to breathe her soft tales, 
 The voice of an Edgeworth (c) swells sweet on the 
 
 gales ; 
 While Parsons (^d) beside her with industry gain'd 
 True honesty's meed, and her offspring maintain'd. 
 
 most convenient. I w'xW meet you any where, at any hour, and 
 with what weapons you please. I shall bring another gentle- 
 man with me. I am, sir, your obedient servant, &.c. 
 
 Aherford, March 15, 1777. 
 
 (c) Leonora, and Popular Tales, from the pen of Miss 
 Edgeworth, are of that superior stamp which must class her 
 name among the number of the happiest essayists in this range 
 of literature : her style is particularly chaste, and the moral 
 tendency of her labours has justly endeared her to every female 
 whose mind is attuned to the dictates of morality and social 
 refinement. 
 
 (c?) If the literary acquirements of Mrs. Parsons are not, 
 
 strictly speaking, worthy of high encomium, they are of that 
 
 ^lass which will never utlend the ears of dehcacy ; and when it 
 
 V
 
 164 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Lo! Bennet with Beggar Girl {e) now clews the 
 
 shrowds, 
 And Ghost of my Father discerns in the clouds ; 
 
 is remembered that her ceaseless assiduity as a writer sprang- 
 from the most praiseworthy of principles — the honourable 
 struggle for the support of a family ^^ holly dependant upon 
 her mental efforts — we must allow, that what may be deficient 
 on the score of perfect ability as a writer, is, in a great mea- 
 sure, compensated for by the meritorious cause that actuated 
 her endeavours. 
 
 (e) Multum ill parvo will not, altogether, apply lo the 
 works of Mrs. Rennet, who seems to have studied more the 
 profits likely to accrue to the circulating librarians by the pro- 
 duction of quantity, than to have considered what was due to 
 her character as a literary personage. Notwithstanding this, 
 the Beggar Girl is far from a mediocre production, and the 
 language is tolerably perspicuous ; but the story of the Ghosl 
 of my Father is very deficient on the score of interest, as th»^ 
 major part of the volumes present nothing but events which 
 transpired during the French revolution, all of which had 
 previously met the eye in different publications relating to iXvAi 
 eventful epoch.
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. i65 
 
 Descending astounded, asylum to seek. 
 
 She pops, as perchance,uponkind Mistress Meeke, (/) 
 
 Who, in pity to view her a terror-struck pigmy, 
 
 Anon tells a tale of the Abbe?/ ofClugny, 
 
 What v^oice now is heard from aloft ? Pr'ythee hark ! 
 
 'Tis Opie, (g) well vers*d in our novelty's bark. 
 
 (J') The talents of Mrs. Meeke are of that negative class, 
 that if her compositions present nothing that can excite praise, 
 no censure is attachable to her for any lack of modesty or 
 decorum. 
 
 (g) Mrs. Opie must be ranked as one of the most fascinating 
 and irresistible female writers that now grace the literary he- 
 misphere. ,It is only required of our author to take the pen, 
 and she never can fail of bewitching the reader. Gifted with 
 such talents, how highly indecorous was it in this writer to 
 compose the work above adverted to, the principles of which 
 can tend to answer no one purpose that is conducive to morality 
 or virtue. As I confess to have received so much gratification 
 from the above lady's effusions, I will spare any further repre- 
 hension, under the iiope that her good sense will prevent her 
 from recurring to a similar mode of literary composition in
 
 166 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Who has art to make virtue most brilliantly shine, 
 
 And array falsest themes in a vestment divine. 
 
 Of this dame I must add, though an angel had 
 
 taught her. 
 Some demon dictated her Mothe?^ and Daughter. 
 George Brewer (Ji) our crew now with confidence 
 
 hails, 
 And for prog straight produces his Siamese Tales : 
 While Essays, in style of a Goldsmith, succeed, 
 Where pathos and humour show Oliver s creed. 
 
 future ; though I must add, that while contemplating this sub- 
 ject, I cannot refrain from saying with the Latinist, that 
 Midler qu(Z sola cogitat, male cogitat. 
 A woman, when thinking by herself, is always thinking of 
 mischief. 
 
 (h) Mr. G. Brewer, who has been previously mentioned 
 among the dramatists, is also the author of two works, entitled 
 The Siamese Tales, and Essays in the Manner of Goldsmith ; 
 in both of which publications are to be found many traits of 
 sterling humour, accompanied by language at once flowing and 
 unaffected.
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 167 
 
 Behind him a Dallas pedantic moves on, (?) 
 With theme dame Stupidity clapp'd seal upon j 
 While last, arm'd with rancour, approaches a Su7T,(j) 
 Whose pen prov'd of dastardly venom the spur. 
 
 (i) Aubrey, from the pen of this gentleman, is a studied 
 composition, which, when perused, will never leave any sterling 
 impression upon the mind. 
 
 (j) Unprovoked virulence was never rendered more conspi- 
 cuous than in the production of the above-mentioned novel; 
 the rapid sale of which verifies the following sentence from 
 Cicero : 
 
 Nihil est tarn voluere guam maledictum ; nihil facilius emit- 
 iitur, nihil cilius excipitur, nihil latins dissipatatur. 
 
 Cicero. 
 
 Nothing in its progress is so rapid as calumny ; nothing is 
 more readily received, and nothing can be more widely spread 
 abroad. 
 
 Had the most flagrant injury been committed against Mr, 
 Surr by the heroine of his tale, surely the consideration of her 
 being a woman should have wrested the pen from his vindictive
 
 168 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Since nothing malicious by him was left undone, 
 While sland'ring a duchess thro' Winter in London. 
 Suppose she had faults ; why was candour quite mute, 
 Could'st thou scarf all her virtues which none cou'd 
 
 refute ? 
 Learn, reptile ! an angel of light she will soar, 
 When thou art condemn'd dismal shades to explore j 
 
 grasp ; but where there was no apparent cause whatsoever for 
 such an attack, the circumstance becomes totally inexplicable. 
 Surely the thought of lucre could never have prompted a man 
 to strike so deep, and that too at the peace of an individual, 
 whose greatest crime was the possessing a heart " open as 
 day to melting charity" It is not hearsay that dictates the 
 present note, as the writer, if necessary, could incontestably. 
 prove his assertion from a knowledge beyond what casual in- 
 formation could validate. Were I convinced that the author of 
 the Winter in London was capable of cherishing a compunc- 
 tious yearning, I could tell that which might wring a heart of 
 adamant; but, under the impression that a being composing- 
 such a work would perhaps glut his vindictiveness, rather than 
 feel a contrary sentiment, I shall scrupulously refrain from af- 
 fording him the diabolical gratification.
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. l69 
 
 Since the pow'r that impell'd thee was Erebus bred, 
 And the dun gloom of chaos usurp'd heart and head. 
 Avaunt, son of rancour ! go proffer thy pen 
 To foes of weak woman in Cruelty's den ; 
 The schemes of a D — gl — s thy talents wou'd grace, 
 A foe to the fair cannot fail to be base ; 
 With plaudit the minions of evil all hail thee. 
 While spirits of good viva voce assail thee : 
 So to end, may retributive justice be thine ; 
 Void o? splendour, O may'st thou in misery pine. 
 Thus three-decker novelist's anchor now weigh'd. 
 Her cruize of adventure must not be delay'd ; 
 The ocean she steers for of widest dominion, 
 The turbulent billows of public opinion ; 
 So grant those on board who deserve not a qualm, 
 In port safely moor'd, may taste joys of a calm. (/.-^ 
 
 (A) The reader must be well aware, that the novelists thus 
 chronicled are but as a single grain in the bushel, when com- 
 pared with the phalanx actually existing ; bat among the number, 
 how few, let me ask, deserving even a name, are left unrecorded ? 
 To such, however, the writer most humbly offers his apology;
 
 170 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 but for the multitude certainly, to use a common adage, " the 
 least said is the soonest mended," since notiiing interesting to 
 the public, or in the least gratifying to such scribblers, could be 
 conveyed through the medium of my annotations : under this 
 assurance I shall for the present relinquish the pen, trusting 
 that luy reasons may appear valid in the eyes of the public. 
 
 ANONYMOUS NOVELISTS, 
 
 Among anonymdus effusions of the novel class, I cannot 
 refrain from quoting a work, entitled Thinks J to myself, the 
 sale of which has been commensurate with the merits of the 
 production, the volumes in question having passed through no 
 less than nine editions. As the writer wishes to remain un- 
 known, I shall not here insert his name, though he has no cause 
 to seek concealment when considered in the light of an author. 
 For the benefit of the reader, however, I beg to remark, that 
 the individual to whom we are indebted for this production is 
 very intimate with a Justice of the Peace in the vicinity of 
 Covejit Garden, and that he claims some relationship to a con- 
 spicuo us family in the neighbourhood of Woodstock.
 
 Crabellers anb Courists. (o 
 
 /, dcmens ! ei scEvas curve per Alpes, 
 
 lit pueris placeas Sf dedamatiojias. 
 
 Juvcnnl. 
 
 Go, thou insane man! rush o'er the uild Alps, tliat children 
 may be amused, and yourself become the subject of declamation. 
 
 Jtrom traveller Manckville, liar surnam'd, 
 To moderns at sliooting the long-bow far fam'd. 
 
 (0 Lo ! here's another set to pen 
 
 Works that entrance the minds of men ; 
 I mean my travellers in legions, 
 That coin rare tales in foreign regions,
 
 172 8CRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 On par with romancers we justly may class, 
 Since stomach's capacity nought can surpass 
 
 And vie wiih Vl'imj when they dash, 
 Tl;at tells ye ^nuke. built nest in wih \ * 
 Or prate of men who just can see 
 As well as him of Sicil(^, 
 Who we are told by writer sage, 
 Cou'd from Lihjbium see Carthage; f 
 Whose naked o})lics did not fail 
 "^r© view each ship from harbour sail. 
 Others there are that will hatch lies, 
 And coin long journeys in studies ; 
 Amuse the fools with wond'rous stories, 
 Of seas, woods, deserts, promontories; 
 
 * For the truUi of this assertion, let Ihe reader refer to Pliny, where he will 
 find this miracle avoudiedj while Ceiiley, in his poetical Treatise of Plants, 
 inserts these lines : — 
 
 But that which gave more wonder than the rest, 
 Within an ash a serpent huilt her nest, 
 And laid her eggs ; whence once to come beneath 
 The very shadow of an ash was — death. 
 
 f A Sicilian called Strabo is reported to have seen objects at the distance of 
 one hundred and thirty miles, with as much distinctness as if only removed 
 to a few yards distance.
 
 JSCRIBBLEOMANIA. 173 
 
 For on palfrey I've known worthy gentleman ride. 
 To a soil which, if gain'd, must be o'er Neptune's tide. 
 
 Who ne'er budg'd farther from their houses, 
 
 Than lambkin from its ewe that browses. 
 
 And of this crew that made great stir, 
 
 I needs must quote fam'd Damberglier, * 
 
 Who wrote concerning Afric's deserts, 
 
 And men that never put on clean shirts; 
 
 Of things whom you might see as soon 
 
 As man discover in the moon ; 
 
 In short, 'twas marvellous and rare 
 
 As he cou'd make it — not being there ; 
 
 And rais'd a stir which was not sated 
 
 Till lie full oft had been translated : 
 
 When, lo ! the w riter by confession 
 
 Made known 'gainst truth his sad transgression. 
 
 I've still a race of connoisseurs 
 
 In travelling — who publish tours, 
 
 That have not recourse to earthquakes. 
 
 But rest contented with some lakes, 
 
 Meand'ring streams, rocks, woods, and glades, 
 
 A few old walls, dried up cascades, &c. 
 
 * This most ingenious chamber-traveller was native of Germany, and a car- 
 penter, who prttended to have explored the most remote regions of Africa, 
 an arconnt of which appeared in print, and was eagerly translated into French
 
 174 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 While the distance some twelve hundred leagues he 
 
 has banter'd, 
 Since his palfrey the route hath in eighteen hours 
 
 canter' d. 
 But to treat now of travellers staunch in the cause, 
 A Bruce (771) long discredited claims high applause ; 
 
 (m) The unfortunate circumstances attending the fate of this 
 persevering adventurer arc sufficient to deter any spirited indi- 
 vidual from encountering dangers under the hope of ultimately 
 benefiting the human race. What must have been Mr. Bruce s 
 
 and English; when, lo! the writer's confession shortly after appeared, an- 
 nouncing to the public that the whole was a mere fabrication, the writer 
 never having visited that part of the globe which constituted the narrative ia 
 question. 
 
 Insitd hoininibus UbicUne alendi de industria rumores. 
 
 Men having in them a natural desire to propagate reports. 
 
 If there existed gudgeons in the present century who swallowed Damhergher'a 
 bait, our ancestors, be it remembered, did not prove themselves less credulous ; 
 since the fictitious existence and code of laws pictured by Sir Thomas Mare in 
 the Utopia, were long accredited as in actual being; and the learned Liidovin:- 
 ViveSy his constant correspondent and friend, in speaking of the empire of 
 China, writes — " That he uundcis any man could spend his time about such trifles " 
 
 See Webb's Antiquity cf China, Svo. I67b.
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 175 
 
 Whose bold perseverance at length reap'd requital, 
 Of public ingratitude — shameful recital ! 
 Thus ultimate pity too late was his doom. 
 His merits allow'd when he slept in the toml). 
 As dauntless in courage and bold in pursuit, 
 To hardships inur'd, of perception acute; 
 
 feelings, after the perils he had manfully encountered, to find 
 his narrative turned into ridicule, and himself held forth as the 
 grossest impostor; and this too, by a set of hireling writers in 
 their garrets, who never were five miles removed from tlie 
 smoke of the metropolis ? Unfortunately for Mr. Bruce, he 
 did not survive the shock to hear detailed the researches of the 
 French when in Egypt, which tended in every respect to vali- 
 date the narrative of this most injured gentleman ; since which, 
 indeed, Mr. Bruce's integrity is universally allowed — but re- 
 paration comes too late. If we refer to the travels of this per- 
 sonage, the narratives are interesting in the extreme ; and in that 
 part of the work which details his passage over the burning 
 sands, nothing can afford more amusement, combined with 
 dread for the safety of the being so completely environed with 
 horrors on every side. Let romancers delineate what they will, 
 no fictitious embellishments can ever surpass these recorded 
 truths of our gallant coantrvman.
 
 1 76 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 With equal regret must I quote Mungo Parle, [n) 
 Whose end is obscur'd in fate's mystery dark. 
 Macartney''^ (o) great earl with rich presents and 
 
 suite 
 To China repair'd, but the dogs, too discreet, 
 
 («) The wonderful perseverance of Mungo Parke, like that 
 of the last-mentioned traveller, is a convincing proof of the 
 astonishing powers of the human mind when bent upon the ac- 
 complishment of any particular object; unfortunately for the 
 world, there is too much cause to apprehend that the final dis- 
 coveries of this most enterprising individual are for ever lost, as 
 several of the latest accounts almost amount to a proof of his 
 having perished by drowning while crossing a rapid stream to 
 escape the murderous purpose of some savage pursuers. 
 
 (o) The account of Lord Macartney^s Embassy to China is 
 extremely entertaining, and may be relied upon as a most faith- 
 ful delineation, not only of the occurrences which transpired to 
 his lordship and suite, but all the statements relative to the 
 customs, manners, &c. of that extraordinary nation are detailed 
 with a precision that bespeaks the veracity of every delineation 
 which the work contains.
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 177 
 
 Took all : — then discarded us ; knowing full well. 
 If John Bull got an inch he wou'd soon seize an ell. 
 A Wilson (p) on wonders of Egypt hath written, 
 Recorder of Boney — and pyramid bitten ; 
 While Porter y {q) not ranking with artists a Ker, 
 On theme of the North has made wonderful stir ; 
 Who wedded to princess now rules mighty Don, 
 While no stranger to Russia comes also Hir John, 
 
 (p) The account of Egypt by Mr. Wilson affords incon- 
 testable proof, that the writer was master of the subject he un- 
 dertook to delineate. In narratives of this description, nothing 
 is required but perspicuity of style, and the most implicit ad- 
 herence to truth j in both which instances the writer has com- 
 pletely established his fame. 
 
 (q) In addition to his acknowledged talent as an artist, Mr. 
 Ker Porter has not tarnished his fame by standing fortii the 
 literary delineator of Russia ; a production rendered the more 
 valuable, as from this gentleman's conjugal alliance it may na- 
 turally be inferred, that his opportunities of acquiring an inti- 
 mate knowledge of every thing appertaining to the manners 
 and customs of the country were greatly facilitated. 
 
 N
 
 178 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Knight-errant o^ pocket-hook blazon'd afar, 
 
 For visiting regions in travelling Carr. (r) 
 
 On masterly touches of Moore [s) we now glance, 
 
 Depicting correctly Italia and France; 
 
 And vamp'd up by scribe, paid for labour, is seen 
 
 Research in Crimea of fam'd Margravine ; (J) 
 
 (/•) Though there is too much egotism in the pages of this 
 gentleman^ and his language is not sufficiently studied, yet his 
 works are by no means divested of interest. Sir John, like 
 many other people, has mistaken his talent : it is obviously his 
 wish to be every where playful, and at times witty; whereas if 
 he had been content to appear only the plain narrator of cir- 
 cumstances as they occurred, his volumes would have acquired 
 a more sterling reputation with the lovers of literature. 
 
 (5) Dr. Moore's Travels through France and Italy only af- 
 ford a fresh proof of the sterling abilities possessed by this 
 classical writer. 
 
 (f) It is conjectured that the above lady committed notes to her 
 pocket-book during the tour in question, which, upon her return 
 to England, were methodized and put into their present trim by 
 some author, whose leading object was a voyage to the Peruvian
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. l Y9 
 
 While deck'd with choice plates Lord Valencia comes 
 
 next. 
 With ocean of margin and streamlet of text. 
 Home tours of a Gilpin (u) alike we must note ; 
 Colonel Th — nt — n, (v) long shooter as ever yet wrote. 
 
 mines, rather than a ramble through the Crimea. Lord Valen- 
 cia's tour is not divested of claims to some share of merit ; 
 but, unfortunately for the public, what with the splendid speci- 
 men of its typography, richness of the hot-pressed paper, and 
 sumptuous pictorial embellishments, it is rendered so much a 
 lordly hook, that a man of middling fortune is not placed in a 
 situation to peruse it. 
 
 (u) The works of Mr. Gilpin have been very deservedly ex- 
 tolled by the public, and his picturesque accompaniments be- 
 speak him intimately acquainted with the eflfect of light and 
 shade in landscape scenery ; and, although not recorded by Sir 
 Noodle, I must here award no small portion of praise as justly 
 due to Sir George Mackenzie, together with Messrs. Finkerton, 
 Gold, and Wakefield, who have ably laboured in their several 
 literary vocations as descriptive and entertaining travellers. 
 
 [v) This ci-devant Colonel of the West York Militia, who 
 hits for half a century back usurped the title of England'^ 
 
 N ^
 
 180 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Whose Tours, yclep'd Sporting, re-echo one cry, 
 'Tis Ego the Colonel — fam'd I myself I ; 
 Renowned for displaying of valour such dint, 
 The steel caus'd no fire though oppos'd to a Flint ; 
 
 sportsman general, has given to the world a brace of Sporting 
 Tours, containing feats of that description, which any personage 
 may accredit whose powers in believing the marvellous are more 
 capacious than the writer's. Our author, anxious at all times to 
 place things to the best account, has not only kept his mistresses 
 for domestic purposes, but transformed one into a jockey upon 
 the race-course at York. His early friend and fellow-traveller 
 through Scotland was the late Tom Mosley, who never acknow- 
 ledged an acquaintance below the rank of His Grace my Lord 
 Duke ; in short, the colonel's associates have been of every rank 
 and class in society, from the man of title down to the stable-boy : 
 he has quarrelled with a branch of the blood royal, and entered 
 into law-suits with artists, authors, and conveyancers ; he has 
 been horsewhipped on a public stand ; in fine, he has performed 
 such feats as justly entitle him to the appellation of the hie et 
 nbique colonel ; and, as a finish to the portraiture, let it be re- 
 membered, that his wealth was never placed to any account 
 whatsoever but the selfish gratification of his own inordinate 
 pleasures.
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 181 
 
 For reason thus simple, all sports he'll delight in. 
 Save facing a bullet, and there's no sham-fighting. 
 But to wind up of tourists poetical samples. 
 By the Lord, a book-vender affords us examples 
 Of scenery grand, and exploits in the North, 
 Which was cook'd in the Poultry, true publisher's 
 broth, {w) 
 
 {w) Among booksellers and publishers, Mr. Mazcman does 
 not rank the only scribe; witness <S'/> Richard Phillips, whose 
 publication, entitled The Office of Sheriff, is by no means di- 
 vested of useful information. The late Mr. Gardiner, of Pall 
 Mall, was also a dabbler with the press. Neither let Mr. Tegg, 
 of the Apollo Library, Cheapside, be omitted, to whom we are 
 indebted for the biographical sketch of Dr. Htigh Blair, in- 
 serted iu Phillips's Public Characters.
 
 i
 
 Coj)ograp|)ec0. 
 
 Ihe toils of topographers now let us gaze on, 
 A theme which few couplets anon shall emblazon ; 
 So foremost the labours of Ly sons' s twain, (jv) 
 Prove industry ne'er is enlisted in vain 5 
 
 {x) The persevering industry of the two Lysons forcibly 
 brings to our recollection the never to be too much extolled 
 Sir William Dugdale, to whose unremitting labours we are, to 
 the present day, indebted for an insight into the topographical 
 and antiquarian remains of particular parts of England, which, 
 but for his acumen, had been lost to the present and future ages 
 for ever ; neither, while speaking of this great topographer, let 
 me omit to record the memory of his pictorial assistant^ the
 
 1 84 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Their volumes not teaching alone such as read 'em. 
 But fram'd to instruct ages yet to succeed 'em. 
 On high Roman Causeivays, with depth of research. 
 Hath treated Cloyne^s Bishop, (j/) true sage of the 
 church J 
 
 honest engraver Hollar, whose numerous plates present to the 
 eye the remains of those edifices which the pen of Diigdale so 
 ably pourtrays to the mind. Messrs. Li/sons, in their literary 
 march, pursue that solid track which must hand their names 
 dow n to posterity with all those honours that are due to indivi- 
 duals, whose toils are intended for the entertainment, instruc- 
 tion, and benefit of succeeding generations. In company with 
 the above-mentioned indivitluals should not be omitted the name 
 of /. T. Smith, whose brain has for a series of years been uni- 
 formly in motion, that the remains of ancient London may not 
 be lost to the rising generations ; while, as an artist pursuing the 
 line of antiquarian topography, Mr. Britton also claims a like 
 honourable mention. 
 
 (y) The Bishop of Cloy tie's production on Roman Cause- 
 ways, is one of the most scientific works of that description 
 which has ever appeared before the public ; while tliere is every 
 reason to believe that the Iter Britanniarum, from thepen of 
 Reynolds instead of being the result of actual research, was
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 185 
 
 While Reynolds, who wrote Iter Britanniarum^ 
 From labour determin'd — poor wits he wou'd spare 
 
 'em ; 
 Research thus completed, as snug as a mouse. 
 In study safe coop'd — of his own dwelling-house. 
 Recorded alike on topography's nag, 
 ^idiQ father and son of the Gentleman^s Mag. ; (i) 
 
 absolutely a closet performance, with the help of a library, fronj 
 whence was culled the matter contained in this publication. 
 
 (2) These two gentlemen, whose Magazine has for a series of 
 years been made the receptacle of antiquarian and topographi- 
 cal research, are usefully employed in this branch of literature ; 
 and, although it has been objected that their monthly number 
 has frequently been the vehicle of falsehood, from mischievous 
 persons remitting accounts from the country whicii had no 
 foundation in truth, still the astonishing mass of original and 
 curious information which actually is to be found in the work in 
 question, and the very high price at which the series of volumes 
 sell when complete, are sufficient proofs of the utility and high 
 consideration in which the Gentleman's Magazine is held by 
 
 the admirers of universal literature.
 
 186 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 While from Pennant the younger we wait to review {a) 
 Of London his annals, amended and new ; 
 
 (o) Mr. Pennant, jun. is stated to be occupied upon a new 
 edition of his late father's London, the sale of which has been 
 a sufficient indication of its worth with the public. With re- 
 spect to the deceased writer, his labours are not only voluminous, 
 but fraught with information that must at future periods prove 
 of the greatest utility to such individuals as may be engaged in 
 topographical researches. In addition to the names above re- 
 corded by Sir Noodle, I cannot refrain from adding that of 
 Gongh, the deceased antiquarian, whose Camden^?, Britannia, 
 although in many respects an interesting labour, contains, I fear^ 
 too much vague matter from newspapers and other publications 
 of a similar class. Bigland's Gloucestershire is arranged with 
 care and industry, and the account of London by Dr. Hewso7i, 
 alias Pugh, displays sufficient proof that the compiler was not 
 a sloven in the progress of this work. To these might be sub- 
 joined a variety of other topographical labourers, such as Her- 
 bert, the Lambeth historian; Pa?/:, jun. engaged in writing a 
 history of Hampstead: but a recapitulation of every name 
 would far exceed the bounds of this volume, the annotations to 
 Mhich have already increased to a bulk beyond the editor's 
 original nitention.
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANI A. 1 87 
 
 That name which to mem*ry now pictures the dead, 
 K father from regions terrestrial long fled, 
 Whose pages, though slurr'd with the dear egowet. 
 Demand from a public warm gratitude's debt ; 
 Since quality keeps with his quantity pace : 
 Thus granting this writer a prominent place, 
 Both pleasing, instructive, and useful to read. 
 With whose praise I conclude the topographist's 
 creed.
 
 9intiqmmns* 
 
 Vetera extollimus, recentium incuriosi. 
 
 Tacitus. 
 
 We extol the productions of the ancients, but are wholly un- 
 mindful of contemporary merit. 
 
 On this field to dilate might the laughter provoke 
 Of Heraclitus, ne'er known to smile at a joke : 
 One sage pens a book, all the charms to expose 
 Of Pra^ilite's Venus bereft of a nose j 
 A second, possessing of statue great toe. 
 Attempts from such specimen matchless to show 
 What beauty and grace did the figure betoken, 
 Ere yet into shatters the sculpture was broken j
 
 190 SCRIBBLEOiMAISJA. 
 
 A third from stone trough, whence the swine us'd 
 
 to guttie, 
 Pretends to discover, with acumen subtle. 
 Sarcophagus fam'd of the great Grecian youth, (b) 
 Who whimper'd for more worlds to conquer, in sooth j 
 
 {b) It is to antiquarians in a body we must fly to acquire 
 a knowledge of this walk of literature ; wherefore, the Somerset- 
 house society, dedicated to the pursuits in question, is per- 
 haps the best criterion to go by , and to judge of their infallibility, 
 from the labours they have produced, would, I much fear, 
 place their acumen in a very dubious point of view. I shall 
 not here lay any stress upon the hoax played off some years 
 back, by the late commentator Steevens, nor shock their nerves 
 by recording all which was said and written upon the subject 
 by the society's then oracle, Mr. Pegg ; it is sufficient to hint, 
 that events of this nature are known to have taken place, 
 whereby the whole body was gulled; and from thence we may 
 infer how easy a matter it is to dupe those who rank as wisest 
 in this dubious walk of literature. As the Sarcophagus of 
 Alexander is mentioned by Sir Scribblecumdash, I cannot 
 refrain from stating, that I have perused, with no small degree 
 of mirthful feeling, the pros and cons that have been committed 
 to the press respecting the Egyptian stoue relic deposited in
 
 SCRIBBLEOMAMA. I9I 
 
 While a fourth to his fellows demonstrates with pride, 
 That Semiramis' manes he guards as a bride. 
 Avouching for proof, just as wise as great Nixoriy 
 That she like a man, being bold and a vixen. 
 Must needs have possess'd famous rump in the rear. 
 While breech of his relic thus huge doth appear ; 
 The type most complete of a mummy coal black. 
 In form showing symmetry like a full sack. 
 Lo ! such are the toils of the living, whose freaks 
 Shun modern perfection for mould* ring antiques: (c) 
 
 the British Museum ; which, with all due deference to the 
 sticklers, who affirm the same to have been the tomb of Alex- 
 ander, I no more conceive from tradition, and particularly ex- 
 ternal decorations, contained that prince's body, than it was 
 originally intended to receive the remains of your humble ser- 
 vant. I am not much versed in Egyptian hieroglyphic^, it 
 is true, but I am not quite so blind as to mistake what was 
 due to the idols of Egypt, and what would have been the de- 
 corations of a sarcophagus sculptured to receive the body of a 
 sovereign of Greece. 
 
 (r) As I should be extremely sorry to involve any individual 
 
 \
 
 192 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Thus 'reft of Erugo a statue itself. 
 By Fygmalion performed, wou'd be deem*d modern 
 elf. 
 
 in disgrace, I will withhold the names of the parties concerned 
 in the ensuing anecdote, which may be relied upon as matter 
 of fact. 
 
 A living nobleman, of high celebrity, was in possession of 
 a very valuable antique ring, the setting of which did not meet 
 his approbation, and it was in consequence placed in his 
 jew eller's hands for alteration ; unfortunately, however, one of 
 the family inspecting the stone, dropped the gem upon the 
 hearth, and the antique was broken into several pieces. In this 
 dilemma, what course was to be pursued? The artizan knew 
 the veneration in which the ring was held by the nobleman in 
 question, and how essential it was for his interest not to forfeit 
 his custom : thus critically circumstanced, he repaired to his 
 -engraver, who undertook to procure a similar stone, and execute 
 an exact imitation of the antique, which in the course of a 
 .week w as conipleted, and, upon being set, delivered to its pre- 
 sent noble owner, who not only believes himself that he possesses 
 his original antique, but, when displayed to the best judges, no 
 doubt is ever entertained of its validity. As any comment wouI(f
 
 SCRIBBLEOMA NIA. 1 93 
 
 Since the sterling criterions are green and blue mould. 
 So an antique without 'em, by G — d, is not old. 
 
 be superfluous, I shall leave the reader to judge of the anti- 
 quarian's depth of discernment, and whether or not a modern 
 may be found to equal many boasted labours of the Greek and 
 Roman artists.
 
 iSiograp|)er0» 
 
 The shoemaker should never go beyond his last. 
 
 Jtrom the concourse essaying biography's style, 
 A Roscoe must ever with rapture beguile ; (^d) 
 
 (d) The name of Mr. Roscoe has long and justly been di- 
 stinguished by its connection with elegant literature, and his 
 attachment to the sound poUtics of his native country, in which 
 avocations he has laboured with honour to himself, both as a 
 writer and a statesman. As a specimen of chaste biographical 
 composition, this gentleman's delineations of the Annals of 
 
 O 2
 
 196 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 The reader engrossed by Lorenzo's high fame. 
 Or dwelling on Leo^ tenth Fope of that name. 
 
 Lorenzo de Medici, and Pope Leo the tenth, will stand the test 
 of nicest criticism ; it is that species of writing to the which no- 
 thing can be added or retrenched ; for, as in the perusal of the 
 Letters of Junius, every reader, from the beautiful and easy flow 
 of language, conceives himself capable of producing a similar 
 composition, so is it with the works of tliis gentleman, whose fine 
 talents and classical acquirements are only discovered when au 
 attempt is made at imitation. The writer cannot refrain from ex- 
 tending this note, in order to state that the son of Mr. Roscoe, 
 at an early age, published a most promising poem founded on the 
 ancient ballad of Che-oy Chace ; a specimen of which is annexed, 
 to evince the warm fancy of a youth capable of eliciting such 
 figurative beauties. 
 
 " Fair art thou, midst thy realms of air. 
 Son of the morning! thou art fair, 
 As rolling back the mists of night. 
 With conquering floods of crimson light, 
 Thou marchest forth, in godlike state, 
 From out thy golden eastern gate, 
 Like a strong giant flush'd with wine. 
 To run that heavenly race of thine.
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 197 
 
 A Coo: on the page of true merit finds place, (c) 
 And Duppa descants well on Angela's race ; 
 
 What hand may veil thy living rays, 
 AVhat eye endure thine ardent blaze, 
 Against thy might what heart rebel, 
 And where thou art can darkness dwell ? 
 
 " Already, lo! the stormy west 
 Discloses wide her teeming breast. 
 And pours abroad a death-like shroud, 
 A growing mass of gloomy cloud ; 
 The murky volumes dim the skies ; 
 Thy splendour fades, thy glory dies ! 
 How art thou fallen now, and shorn 
 Thy radiant beams, — thou son of morn ! " 
 
 (e) The account of the Kings of Spain, by Mr. Cox, is a 
 novel and entertaining production, and is possessed of additional 
 interest from the close alliance which has lately existed between 
 this country and the Peninsula. Duppa's account of Michael 
 Angela is not only gratifying to the admirers of the arts, but, 
 considered as the delineation of the life of one of the greatest 
 men that ever blazoned the annals of painting, it is a valuable 
 piece of biography to every admirer of general literature.
 
 198 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 While Foa: in his Annals of Stuarts was dull, (/) 
 The clamour though great, yet producing no wool. 
 
 {f) Few works ever excited such general interest in the 
 republic of letters as the late Mr. Fox's Annals of the Stuart 
 family, prior to its being issued from the press ; and never, per- 
 haps, was public expectation more disappointed. So justly 
 was this statesman venerated for his shining oratorical powers, 
 that it was thought next to impossible that any thing of a 
 secondary class could emanate from his mind; the result how- 
 ever proved otherwise, which is a sufficient testimony of the 
 fallacy attending all human judgment. With regard to Mr. 
 Trottei's work ; being a narrative of the close of this revered 
 statesman's earthly career, although there are parts which 
 cannot fail to interest, yet the minute particulars recorded by 
 that gentleman are sometimes of a nature to turn the solemn 
 into farce; nor can any sober-minded individual for a moment 
 hesitate to condemn those enthusiastic admirers of Mr. Fox, 
 who could suffer childish ebullitions as the following to be 
 blazoned forth in different periodical publications. 
 
 LINES BY MR. FOX. 
 How can I at ought repine 
 While my dearest Liz is mine ? 
 Can 1 feel a pain or woe 
 While my Lizzy loves me so ?
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 199 
 
 A friend of our statesman from fame was fast 
 
 Trotter, 
 Whose temple around him did nothing but totter. 
 
 Where's the sorrow that thy smile 
 Knows not sweetly to beguile ? 
 Sense of pain and danger flies, 
 From the looks of those dear eyes ; 
 Looks of kindness, looks of love. 
 That lift my mental thoughts above. 
 While I view that heavenly face, 
 While I feel that dear embrace, 
 While I hear that soothing voice, 
 Tho' maim'd or crippl'd, life's my choice : 
 Without them, all the fates can give 
 Has nought would make me wish to live. 
 No! could they foil the power of time. 
 And restore youth's boasted prime; 
 Add, to boot, fame, power, and wealth, 
 Undisturb'd and certain health. 
 Without thee 'twould nought avail. 
 The source of every joy would fail ; 
 But lov'd by thee, by thee caress'd, 
 In pain and sickness I am blest.
 
 200 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 In Godwhi's dull life of a Chaucer (g) we view 
 The pond'rous compiler, with nought that is new : 
 A Gifford instructs in the life of a Pitt; (h) 
 Lee Lems may boast the reverse of true wit. (i) 
 
 {g) Mr. Godzcin has in two instances exerted his talents as 
 a biographer ; first, in delineating the Memoirs of Mary Wol- 
 stonecraft, which, from certain statements therein contained, it 
 would have been preferable that the pubhc should not have 
 seen ; and with respect to his second production, denominated 
 the Life of Chancer, it lays no claim whatsoever to the title it 
 bears, which should rather have been an Essay on the Manners, 
 Customs, Architecture, &c. &c. of the reigns of Richard the 
 second and Henry the fourth, with the little that is extant 
 appertaining to GeoJJri/ Chaucer, and his munificent friend 
 and patron John of Gaunt, 
 
 (A) GifforcVs Life of Pitt is written with a masterly hand, 
 and the narrative affords a convincing proof that the writer 
 possessed the most undoubted sources for rendering his pages 
 the correct portraiture of that great statesman's pirblic career. 
 
 (j) In the pages of L.ee Lewis are to be found a few amusing 
 anecdotes, beyond which the volumes are not deserving any 
 further comment. Raymond's Dermody, like the Anecdotes 
 
 I
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 201 
 
 From acts of Dermody, by Raymond^ we scan 
 
 Vicissitudes varied of versatile man ; 
 
 Like unstable Coole of theatric renown, 
 
 Whose failings the press late hath stamp'd on tlie 
 
 town. 
 Ma'am SumhulVs career often raises the smile, 
 While a dame once well known to a lord of the Nile, (j) 
 
 of the late George F. Cooke, and the Memoirs of Mrs. 
 Sumbitll, aflfords a useful lesson to the contemplative mind, 
 which cannot fail to draw a comparison of the effects pro- 
 duced hy the indulgence of ungovernable passions, which trans- 
 form those abilities that would have conferred honour upon the 
 possessor, into the most destructive weapons of his earthly 
 tranquillity. 
 
 (j) Lady Hamilton has published a statement which there 
 is no reason to discredit ; and, from the contents of her pages, 
 no candid mind will for a moment hesitate to say that she has 
 claims on the consideration of the country. The writer cannot 
 refrain from adding, that he feels the more grieved for her situa- 
 tion, as in private life her generosity has been unbounded, and 
 thus left her, he fears, to make those appeals to others which 
 were so successfully made to herself during the season of pros- 
 perity.
 
 202 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 For ceaseless endeavours to back England's cause 
 Deserves something more than mere empty ap- 
 plause. 
 The pages of Mudford full oft entertain, (k) 
 But Northcote, as author, is not in the vein : (/) 
 
 (k) Mudford prefaces hh Life of Cumberland with a corre- 
 spondence which took place between liimself and Sir James 
 Bland Burges, the result of which is not very flattering to the 
 character of the latter; who, after volunteering his services to 
 the biographer in the progress of his labour, never thought 
 proper to act up to the professions thus made. As an un- 
 biassed delineator of facts, Mr. Mudford claims every credit; 
 his style is unaffected and easy, his notes appropriate, and his 
 criticisms, which constitute the leading feature of the work, 
 are obviously the productions of a gentleman of sound judg- 
 ment and classical taste. The admirers of Cumberland may, 
 in some instances, call him fostidious ; but the lovers of truth 
 will respect him for his honesfi/. 
 
 (/) We would advise 3Ir. 'Northcote to relinquish the pen; 
 as an artist he cannot fail to shine, but his literary acquire- 
 ments are not of a nature to gain him that celebrity which, in 
 the walk of painting, he has so long and deservedly acquired.
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 203 
 
 A Granger continued by Noble is slaughter'd, (rn) 
 JFor which the biographer ought to be quarter' d. 
 
 (m) Few men ever possessed the power of condensing into a 
 small compass the biographical ^sketches of celebrated cha- 
 racters like the late Mr. Granger-^ wherefore we are the more 
 surprised that, with such an original before him, Mr. Noble 
 could so far diverge from the track pointed out. As for the 
 last named individual recorded on Sir Noodle's page, it would 
 be loss of time to descant upon such a farrago of egotism and 
 folly ; it is only fit for one purpose and no other — doubtless the 
 reader will comprehend my meaning. 
 
 By way of addenda to the above note, relating to existing 
 writers of this class, I deem it necessary to subjoin Mr, Lodge, 
 who has acquitted himself very creditably in his account of the 
 Casar family, and Illustration of British History. The Royal 
 and Noble Authors of Parke, though not of a high literary 
 class, prove that gentleman to be possessed of plodding in- 
 dustry. To these might be added the names of many person- 
 ages whose skill consists in expertly handling the scissars and 
 paste; but to load my page with book-makers would too lar 
 derogate from Sir Noodle's great plan, 
 
 Who, conscious of possessing soul refin'd, 
 Wou'd spurn as garbage what debas'd the mind.
 
 204 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 While last who by name shall my muse here record 
 Is Finshiiry^s Lackington — book-vending lord. 
 Whose trash, far too vile to awake critic's breath, 
 At once dooms biography's genius to death.
 
 ^olitiml Writers. 
 
 The Devil knew net what he did when he made man politic ; 
 he cross'd himself by't : and I cannot think but, in the end, the 
 villanies of man will set him clear. 
 
 Shakspeare. 
 
 Then there are witlings who will plod 
 
 To make for ministers a rod j 
 
 Poets tl^t wou'd be politicians. 
 
 And prove the parliament's physicians ; 
 
 Who strive in vain, for did they show 
 
 Wit keen as shaft from Parthian's boA\,, 
 
 The satire wou'd be sure to fail. 
 
 So tough are statesmen's coats of mail : 
 
 I mean those breast-plates, vi^herewith they. 
 
 From habit, consciences array. 
 
 Since those elected to this function 
 
 Ne'er feel the prickings of compunction. 
 
 Which vain at door of bosom knocks. 
 
 Safe barricado'd 'gainst all shocks. 
 
 As doctors the pulse of their patients will feel, 
 Some writers prescribe for the realm's coramou weal;
 
 206 SCRIBBLEOMANTA. 
 
 Like Solon, our code they pretend to revise. 
 As if politic Jlff^ecl composed without eyes ; 
 So the tickling word liberty always are humming, 
 Magna Charta, great tambour whereon they are 
 drumming; (n) 
 
 {ii) The following Hudibrastic delineation is so applicable 
 to the subject, that I must claim tlie reader's indulgence for its 
 insertion under the present head. 
 
 'Tis at elections we behold 
 The mighty influence of gold;* 
 On vagrant then my lord will doat. 
 For why ? The rascal has a vote. 
 To butcher's wife he'll pledge love*s duty, 
 And vow to God she is a beauty. 
 Swear to a grim'd and drunken tinker 
 He's lily white, being a free thinker : 
 Or shou'd this fail, declare no sin is 
 'Gainst liberty, to finger guineas. 
 Meanwhile my minister ploughs furrows. 
 In Freedom's field — rakes rotten boroughs : 
 
 • Venalis populus, venalii curia patrum. The people are venal, and the senate 
 is equally veaal.
 
 SCRIBBLEOJIANIA. 207 
 
 To these let's subjoin ^^Qxed. freedom of press, 
 Display'd by an Erskine in masterly dress ; 
 
 Cares not a rush for her disgrace 
 So he can but preserve his place ; 
 Procuring at th' approaching meeting, 
 By a majority, fair greeting. 
 And as to this pray wonder not, 
 'Tis long since Freedom went to pot. 
 Poor soul ! tho' well as well cou'd be, 
 Was dos'd at first with senna tea, 
 Which turn'd her wholesome stomach sick, 
 When some prescrib'd an emetic. 
 Appealing then to oppositions 
 'Gainst ministers, her dire physicians. 
 She sigh'd her case, she cou'd not speak; 
 But all in vain, they prov'd too weak. 
 So each, like ruffian desperado. 
 Has play'd in turn Doctor Sangrado. 
 Reducing thus the lovely maid 
 Into the shadow of a shade. 
 This is not all — determin'd still 
 Of med'cine she shou'd gorge her fill, 
 They've drench'd her with cathartics brisk. 
 And thus have quite obscur'd her disc. 
 Being now reduc'd so very low, 
 She is no longer shade's-shadow.
 
 208 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Without it farewell to the dictates of reason. 
 Each scribe speaking truth wou'd be guilty of treason, 
 While panders, disgusting, might lord it in state, 
 Whose pens were suborn'd but to pamper the great. 
 
 So seated all like beasts in pens, 
 
 I mean my flock of Saint Stephens ; 
 
 My pupil minister must hear 
 
 The grumblings of his foes severe, 
 
 In speeches which shall make ye jolly, 
 
 Being under par with those of folly. 
 
 But to the point : 'tis first a rant 
 
 For one half hour, and then a cant ; 
 
 High words, from whence there is no gleaning 
 
 The shadow of a decent meaning. 
 
 Then to create a moment's fun 
 
 My orator raps out a pun, 
 
 Staler than ten times told Joe Millej's, * 
 
 Nor half so good as pauper Spil/er's, 
 
 * Joe Mi7/e;'i Jests being in the mouth of every child, no further notice 
 need be taken of them ; but with regard to Spiller, who has not acquired so 
 much publicity, it may perhaps be requisite to acquaint the reader that be 
 was a celebrated comedian, who, like most of the sock, indulged too freely 
 with the bottle, which reduced him to poverty and a jail ; he was, as fre- 
 •tuently provf^s the case with such characters, a very facetious and wilty pot- 
 companion.
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 209 
 
 Reverse now the scene, and from shackles quite 
 
 clear. 
 From the press we behold sterling Junius appear : 
 In eloquent style at the state he dar'd rail, 
 And minions of pow'r shrunk abash'd at his tale ; 
 Yet this author, so ardently sought by the crowd. 
 Proves at length as he was — veiPd in mystery's cloud. 
 
 The horse-laugh ended, 'stead of pathos, 
 
 He dashes next thro' realms of bathos ; 
 
 And soaring high attains the sphere 
 
 Which claims, at length, the loud — hear ! hear ! 
 
 Descending next from flight bombastic. 
 
 For which on back he merits a stick. 
 
 He then draws from scholastic bin 
 
 A complete trait of dog Latin ; 
 
 And having three hours spoken, thence 
 
 Ye may deduce all else — but sense. 
 
 Denying thus the old adage. 
 
 Applied to ev'ry speaker sage, 
 
 Showing multum inparvo's: hum — 
 
 For that miiltm dat parvulum.
 
 210 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Among those on subjects political set, 
 
 See school-boy ofTooke — Master Franhy Burdett,(o) 
 
 Who once with the foe leagu'd of Wellesley — Snip 
 
 Paul, 
 But concluded by giving him taste of a hall; 
 
 (o ) This gentleman, of whom I may well say, when refen lug 
 to his deceased friend, 
 
 Nervis alicuis mohili lignum, 
 A mere puppet moved by wires in the hands of others, 
 
 has completely laid his tongue upon the shelf since Mr. Tooke's 
 demise, from whose capacious storehouses, no doubt, ema- 
 nated those flowery effusions that so frequently amused the 
 rabble. Much has been advanced by the strenuous advocates 
 of Sir Francis, on the score of his munificence; but I very 
 much doubt if the charity of that gentleman does not consist 
 more in acts where ostentation is gratified, than in bestowing 
 the secret boon, which, like the violet, modestly conceals its 
 head only to waft around a sweeter odour. As this baronet 
 has had a finger in the pie, in the light of a pamphleteer, it is 
 for that reason the present note is coupled with his name, whicl 
 might otherwise have passed unnoticed.
 
 SCIUBBT.EOMANIA. 211 
 
 For such are the friendships of men who will babble, 
 And tender the sop to old Cerberus — rabble. (^) 
 
 ip) Is there a sound that more delights 
 A rabble than to hear of rights'^ 
 Which Justice, so political,* 
 Awards alike to Dick, or Hal, 
 As if all nature did pursue 
 One only track, and that — virtue. 
 Will he that tipples be as able 
 To cultivate his field arable. 
 As him, who sober, makes his clock 
 First crowing of the matin cock ? 
 Thus will not industry procure 
 His land, whom idleness make poor ; 
 And for his bread force friend to work, 
 Submissive slave to farmer Turk. 
 So while men's nature disagree. 
 Farewell to all equality. 
 
 • I refer my reader to the lucubrations of Mr. Godwin, ia order to attaia a 
 complete insight as to speculative ideas of this nature. 
 
 p2
 
 -212 SCRIBRLEOMANIA. 
 
 Next view hoary Cartwright, great spokesman and 
 
 scribe, (q) 
 Who adds to the list of dissatisfied tribe ; 
 
 (q) Through t!ie medium of Cobbefs Register, and other 
 periodical reviews, the hicubrations of this staunch champion of 
 parhamentar reform have frequently met the public eye, inde- 
 pendently of w hich, I have been informed that he has more than 
 once figured in a Uterary point of view, which has allowed him 
 the present claim upon my consideration. With regard to Peter 
 Porcupine, alias Mr. Cobbet, he is one of those hocus poena 
 writers, or weathercock politicians, that so frequently appear 
 in this land of liberty; though I believe it would be no easy 
 task to find a parallel with the individual here quoted. Having 
 spoken thus much of the man, it will be necessary to say a few 
 words respecting his abilities as a writer, which are of the most 
 singular cast. He is perspicuous without elegance, and pos- 
 sesses an energy of style which can only be the result of an 
 inherent talent, as no writer among his several imitators has 
 been at all felicitous in the assumption of his mode of ex- 
 pression. Should any reader, however, prove desirous of fully 
 appreciating the text of this w riter, let him refer to those num- 
 bers of the Weekly Register which made their appearance 
 during the investigation of the Duke of York's conduct, and I 
 think sufficient oroof will appear of the terse reasoning and 
 incontrovertible mode of argument pursued by Mr. Cobbet f 
 
 1
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 313 
 
 While Cobbet, the giant camelio7i, in rear, 
 
 With Political Register darkens the sphere : 
 
 Of this versatile writer, ah ! v»hat should be said, 
 
 Whose mind by no genuine principle led. 
 
 Has box'd every point of the compass to gammon, 
 
 And ensure, darling idol, possession of mammon : 
 
 In fine, from the bible and cushion we see 
 
 He varied to Gallia's red bonnet de nuit : 
 
 Extremes are to him nothing more than a job, 
 
 With whig or with tory he'll drink hob a nob, 
 
 with whom logic is a joke, and the practices of the schools a 
 mere jargou beneath his consideration. Among other living 
 political writers, Mr. Canning has made no inconsiderable figure ; 
 the Marquis of fVelleslej/ has no less had recourse to the print- 
 ing art for the promidgation of his sentiments, though, in most 
 instances, made mider an assumed signature; to these person- 
 ages may be added Lord Castlereagh, our great diplomatist ; 
 while in Mr. Redhead Yorke, lately deceased, whose early 
 career of literature was devoted to the promidgation of liberty, 
 the friends of the Pitt system had to boast a vigorous advocate, 
 possessing talents that never debased the cause he so strenuously 
 advocated.
 
 214 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Then fly oft' in ta7igent to join phalanx hearty. 
 Which hail'd, as vicegerent from God — Bonaparte. 
 But to jesting a truce, for the man that is ready 
 To blazon at all times a mind thus unsteady, 
 From the pale of society straight shou'd be hurl'd, 
 As a creature unfit for the sons of this world: 
 Thus with abject contempt I my stricture will end, 
 Such a man ne'er can claim^ nor himself prove — a 
 friend.
 
 >urgerp ant ^Ifpsiu 
 
 Dio e quello che guarisce, e il medico ne porta via i danari. 
 God is the restorer of health, and the doctor puts the fee in hie 
 
 pocket. 
 
 1 o dwell on particulars here I shall cease. 
 And from numbers produce one poetical piece ; 
 For though sterling the topics they interest few, 
 While my sce7it is to keep public game most in view: 
 Thus my notes must supply what my couplets now 
 
 lack, 
 Since, alas ! metre proves oft but prose's dull hack.
 
 216 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 For precept and practice in surgery never 
 Were labours more deep, operations more clever j (r) 
 While doctors in physic past notions revising, 
 Have wrought in prescriptions a change most sur- 
 prising : (5) 
 
 (r) The very laconic manner in which the great Sh' Noodle 
 slurs over the above topics of literature prompts me to form a 
 shrewd surmise, that he is no better acquainted with surgery 
 and physic than myself; although, from consulting the Reviews, 
 I am fully enabled to catalogue some names that are universally 
 regarded with the highest consideration by eveiy practitioner in 
 their respective professions. After having thus candidly con- 
 fessed my inability to appreciate these works from actual perusal, 
 I shall beg leave to enrol the name of Bell, who has w-ritten 
 upon Anatomy, together with Foote, Abernefhi/f Monro, and 
 Aikin ; Baillie on morbid Anatomy ; Farre on Diseases of 
 the Liver ; Bree on the Chest, and Pemberton on the Bowels. 
 While, as physicians, Letsom, Jenner, Kerrisoii, Latham, and 
 Pozvel, have no less exerted their abilities to disseminate that 
 useful knowledge for the benefit of the human race, which long 
 practice and experience have enabled them to perform. 
 
 (s) In medicine, we have treatises, written in the 18th century, 
 to prove that a salt meat diet is good for the gout; and that 
 colds do not proceed from damps or moist clothing.
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 2 17 
 
 Since health, it is found, more on nature depends 
 Than back'd by a legion of physical friends : 
 Not so proves the case with each pestle's displayer, 
 Who, living by drugs, proves humanity's slayer ; 
 Disdaining to budge from each lucrative notion, 
 'Tis draught, pill, emetic, and purgative potion. 
 Till stomach reduc'd to extremity's lot. 
 With dosing, poor patient at length goes to pot ; 
 And cries with the Greek, when with death hard he 
 
 wrestles, 
 I'm dish'd, d — n their souls ! by these knights of 
 
 the pestles ! (/) 
 
 A physician at Lyons published a dissertation on beards and 
 niustachios, affirming that they promote strength ; and that the 
 present age might not be without men as strong as Sampson 
 were they permitted to grow. 
 
 (0 According to the Greek historians, we are informed that 
 Alexander upon his death-bed uttered the following exclama- 
 tion : 
 
 Pero turha medicorum. 
 I die by the help of too many physicians.
 
 218 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 I believe the iiumbcr of my departed countrymen who could 
 have joined in this chorus would be nearly as countless as the 
 stars iu the heavens, or the grains of sand in the sea. 
 
 Burton, in his Anatomy of Melancholy, says, " Where there 
 be many lawyers, and many physicians, it is a manifest sign of 
 a distempered melancholy state, as Plato long since com- 
 plained."
 
 Mnsml ^ottovs. 
 
 The man that hath no music in himself. 
 
 Nor is not moved with concord of sweet sounds, 
 
 Is fit for treasons, stratagems, and spoils ; 
 
 The motions of his spirits are dull as night, 
 
 And his affections dark as Erebus : 
 
 Let no such man be trusted. 
 
 As physical doctors so late grac'd my strain, 
 Professors of music may next share the vein j 
 True harmony's offsprings, whose soul-thrilling mea- 
 sure 
 Oft wafts me from earth to the regions of pleasure :
 
 220 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 But as sometimes an orb brighter 'lumines the 
 
 sphere, 
 So Bushy o'er crotcheteers reigns overseer : (ii) 
 
 {u) No creature breathing stands better with himself than 
 Doctor Busby : there is but one personage left, when he de- 
 parts these terrestrial regions, who can possibly till up the vast 
 vacuum in perfectibility which must attend his exit, and that 
 individual, O reader! is the doctor's son! But to be serious; 
 this writer has very lately presented to the world his translation 
 of Lucretius, which from the specimens I have read (for, to be 
 candid, I have not perused the work throughout) is written in 
 that pompous style which might be expected to flow from the 
 wiltcr in question. It cannot, however, be denied, that the 
 doctor understood his original well, and upon the whole tins 
 labour will not disgrace his name. Of the rejected Address 
 I shall say nothing ; for as tlie conduct of our aullior has been 
 sufficiently before the public on a former occasion, it would only 
 be reviving an old grievance. In his harmonic vocation Dr. 
 Busby some years back published a musical dictionary, which 
 is concise and ably executed ; but whatsoever may be his talents 
 as a composer, I will not undertake to say further than that the 
 music published under his name has never excited those emo- 
 tions which the notes of a Jackson, Shield, Birnie, and Steven- 
 son, never fail to excite in my breast.
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 221 
 
 As poet-translator, no big wig ranks stouter ; 
 Of Address that's rejected he brings forth the spouter ; 
 And true second Pan with Apollo dares wager. 
 That with him young master shall stand forth cii- 
 
 gager ; 
 For which, I'll avouch, the great lord of Parnassi 
 Crowns Midas. papa with the ears of an as!^.
 
 ^rcI)itecturaUst0. 
 
 When the sky falls then shall we catch larks. 
 
 Prom sounds sweetly blending that ravish the ear, 
 Let sculptors and architects labours appear ; 
 Whose studies, I needs must with sorrow confess. 
 Confer not one grace on the old Grecian dress : 
 In grandeur, taste, (t;) science, we lag far behind, 
 'Tis mere crucible's dross to the metal refined, (rr) 
 
 {v) The late Mr. Wi/att, although possessing a considerable 
 share of talent, had very glaring defects ; indeed, I do not wish 
 to be invidious, but it appears to me, generally speaking, that
 
 224 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 if a grand idea happens to strike any living architect, it is not 
 the effect of study, but rather flashes across the mind in a mo- 
 ment as by mere chance. I was once favoured with the sight 
 of a design for a public building, by a young student of the name 
 oi Bond, which, for classic taste, I never saw surpassed ; of this 
 promising genius, however, though some years have now trans- 
 pired, not a syllable has been said. Another architecturalist [ 
 must also record, in the person of Mr. Edzcard Aiken, some of 
 whose compositions have fallen under my inspection tiiat were 
 testimonials of his worth, and the assiduous attention he had 
 paid to all the leading principles of his profession. 
 
 Some years back there was a glimmering of hope that Britain 
 would have produced a second Cleomenes, if not a Phidias, in 
 the person of Mr. Proctor; but as his modesty was as great as 
 his merit (and there exists no genuine talent without it), and 
 his misfortunes being greater than both, he suffered himself to 
 pine in want, rather than acquire comfort at the expense of 
 what he deemed the dignity of his condition. At length Mr. 
 JVest discovered him in a garret, in a state of starvation, model- 
 ling the calamity of Diomedes with all the fire of the Greek 
 school : Mr. Proctor thus became relieved, and was favoured 
 with the protection of Sir Abraham Hume ; but the solacement 
 came too late : the thread of nature was exhausted, and the un- 
 fortunate artist became a prey to death while preparations were 
 making to send him to Rome.
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 225 
 
 (w) Perraut, who has gained immortal reputation as the 
 great architect of the Louvre at Paris, was nevertheless sub- 
 jected to the satirical lash of Boileau, merely because he 
 happened to be brother of a very learned member of the French 
 academy, between whom and the satirist there had bt^en some 
 literary wrangling, and for this alone has Boileau most un- 
 generously transmitted the name of Perraut to posterity with 
 the character of a lighi andpaltri/ architect.
 
 I 
 
 I
 
 Commentators 
 
 ON 
 
 9intimt Eore* 
 
 • Unus utrique error 
 
 Sed tar lis illudit partihus. 
 
 Horace. 
 Each is enslaved by the same error, and the only difiference is^ 
 that it mocks them in various ways. 
 
 As prosing old book-worms will never rest quiet, 
 In comments they deal to the public dull diet. 
 With notes interlarding some work stamp'd as good. 
 Whose sense was till then by the world understood j 
 
 q2
 
 228 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Whereas annotator, dame reason to puzzle, 
 Enigmas must clap on her wide-gaping muzzle : 
 Thus your author who penn'd common sense when 
 
 he wrote, 
 Must be chang'd into no7isense by help of each note, {y) 
 
 {y) I have very rarely had cause to impeach the liberality of 
 Sir Scribblecumdash, but I must confess that the above lines, 
 as containing nothing but reprehension of the present topic, do 
 not place the poet in that point of view which, as a candid 
 critic, should have been the ultimate intention of his metrical 
 essay. I will certainly grant that many productions of the 
 above nature do not tend either to instruct or amuse the reader; 
 nevertheless such writers as Strutt, Brand, Douce, &c. cannot 
 fail to demand that attention from the public which is due to 
 intense reading, and the most ardent wish to ilhistrate the 
 darker periods of British history, together with the manners and 
 customs of our uncultivated progenitors. As we are upon the 
 subject of ancient literature, I will here subjoin some anecdotes 
 analogous to the point in question, for the information of indi- 
 viduals interested in this bianch of literature. 
 
 The unrolling and explanation of the manuscripts found in 
 Herculaneum are pursued with nmch industry by Messrs. 
 Rosini, Scottiy and Pesette : they have, under the patronage of 
 
 I
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 229 
 
 the government, published some fragments of a Latin poem 
 upon the war between Mark Antony and Augustus, and a 
 considerable portion of the second book of Epicurus upon 
 Nature. The above gentlemen do not despair of finding the 
 Avholc treatise of this author. There has also been committed 
 to the press a moral work of PhhtratuH, the celebrated disciple 
 of Epicurus; likewise some fragments of Colote upon the 
 Lycidias of Plato, and of Cauiscus upon Friendship. The 
 entire work of Phylodemus upou Rhetoric is now nearly com- 
 pleted. 
 
 Count Rzezcuski, of Pienna, is said to have m his possession 
 an Arabic manuscript, written in the time of the Crusades, which 
 records some curious particulars relative to the use of gun- 
 powder in war, Sac. and which also contains a genuine receipt 
 for the Greek fire. 
 
 Among the precious MSS. of tlie Oriental Library of Monte- 
 Casino, which may be considered as the cradle of sciences and 
 letters, after the barbarism which followed the destruction of 
 the Roman empire, there has just been found a Greek MS. of 
 Apollonius Evander, the nephew of Apollonius of Rhodes. 
 Among other important objects which this MS. contains, is a 
 very detailed account of the eruption of Vesuvius, in the reign 
 of Titus. A learned Hellenist will soon give us a translation of 
 this work, with the Greek opposite to it. 
 
 We aie told by Menage, that the tutor of a young French 
 nobleman, while one day engaged at a game of tennis, chancing
 
 230 SCRIBBLEOMANTA. 
 
 to cast his e3'es upon the racquet in his hand, perceived some 
 writing upon the parchment which covered it, and having 
 perused it with attention, found it to be part of one of the lost 
 books of Livi/: he immediately inquired for the racquet-maker, 
 but found, to his great mortification, that what he had seen was 
 the last remains of a collection of manuscripts, which were all 
 made up for racquets, and dispersed over the kingdom.
 
 ^amp|)leteer$» 
 
 Turpe est aliud loqui, aliud sentirc, quanta turpiiis aliud scriberef 
 aliud sentire. 
 
 Seneca, 
 
 It is disgraceful to advance one thing andi to think another; yet 
 it is far more base to commit that to paper which is diametrically 
 opposite to a man's real sentiments. 
 
 Of renown'd pamphleteers did I name all the band, 
 The list I might ad infinitum expand ; 
 Gale Jones and a Thel-jcall wou'deach claim his place. 
 Erst toiling to blazon of freedom the grace ; 
 While of date far more recent, our princes all jarring. 
 Such scribes as Tom Ilogite must call forth to be 
 sparring.
 
 232 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Nor e'er be forgotten the great female Shark, 
 That Dearest of Darlings, acute Mother Clarke, (z) 
 Who acted for high Ducal Hero as Froxy, 
 A Jilt most consummate, and impudent Doxie : 
 
 (z) Messrs. Jones and T/ielwall, at the early period of the 
 French Revolution, supported with ardour the cause of the free- 
 dom of the people, not only by holding forth, as orators, the 
 Divine Rights of men in public assemblies, but also further- 
 ing the cause through the medium of the press ; of these gentle- 
 men little now is known but their names. Mr. Thomas Hague, 
 who was once honoured with the confidence of one of the R — / 
 Srotliers, in opposition to another branch of the same exalted 
 Stock, has produced both poetry and prose ; the former being 
 made the vehicle of notes in a pamphlet, entitled Transubstan- 
 tiation ; while the latter, though in many instances replete with 
 matter of fact, is not famous either for the correctness of its 
 style, or a due attention to the principles of composition and the 
 rules of grammar. 
 
 As for Mary Ann Clarke, now suffering imprisonment for a 
 libel, she may be esteemed the Pandora of pamphleteers ; and 
 such is her predilection for the pen, that I much doubt \\hethcr
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 233 
 
 III short, we might catalogue scribes pro and con. 
 From Hogan * to Bridge-Street'^ late book-vending 
 
 Don. 
 Next view we that epoch, renowned in rotation. 
 When Ferceval's Delicate Investigation 
 By Brougham and Whit bread was blaz'd far and 
 
 near. 
 That guilt when unmask'd might the innocent clear. 
 'Twas then Britain's Press teem'd v.ith Pamphlets 
 
 a train, 
 Disgorg'd to prove Douglas^ Charges were vain ; 
 A Mitjbrd with Ladyship* s paragraphs trips. 
 Enlisting the columns of Editor Phipps ; 
 
 even the present state of durance v»ill tend to check tliat 
 virus M'hicli seems to have taken full possession of her mental 
 qualifications. 
 
 * The pamphlet which passed under the name of Major 
 Hogan was written by Peter Finnerty, who has lately been li- 
 berated from Lincoln Jail, for a libel.
 
 234 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 While Clerical Baronet, praising each feat («) 
 Perform'd in Fall Mall, oft alarm'd Catherine 
 
 Street 
 With dastard attacks from true sycophant flowing, 
 A mere dunghill-bird that gave cackling for crow- 
 ing: 
 
 (a) Some years back, a statement of facts was ushered into the 
 World by one Major Hogan, the purport of which was to vilify 
 certain proceedings of the Commander in Chief, who then was, 
 as the major wished to infer, under the influence of some chere 
 amie. Of Sir Richard Phillipss pamphlet I have before 
 spoken, and shall therefore pass on to The Delicate Investiga- 
 tion, a volume which, perhaps, excited more curiosity, and, when 
 published, gave rise to speculations as manifold as ever yet fol- 
 lowed the appearance of a new work. Of JLady Perceval's 
 ebullitions, and the fracas between that dame and Messrs. Mit- 
 ford and Phipps, it would be superfluous to speak, the subject 
 having been so recently before the public in all the diurnal 
 prints, and also made the topic of legal investigation. Au 
 pamphlets are so very frequently rendered the vehicles of abuse 
 and libel, I shall terminate this note by relating an anecdote, 
 which, as a novel method of giving publicity to slander, may not 
 prove altogether uninteresting to the reader of this volume. 
 
 J
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 231 
 
 Yet with pride let me add, *gainst the mean cring- 
 ing few. 
 
 Who with Rancour's loud yells dar'd the suffrer 
 pursue. 
 
 A blind man of Paris, retiring in the dusk to his hovel, nfter 
 ihe day had been spent in begging with little success, was ac- 
 costed by a person, who told him, that if he would go home 
 with him he should find his account in it. The blind man joy- 
 fully consented to be conducted to his new friend's house, and 
 w as thus addressed by him : " I am not rich, and yet wish to show 
 charity to the poor, which I have no other possibility of doing, 
 unless by giving them parcels of tales and novels, which I com- 
 pose, to sell at a very moderate price for their own benefit. 
 Here, my friend, is a good parcel of them, which you shall dis- 
 pose of at the rate of twopence each, although they are intrin- 
 sically worth thrice the money," The poor fellow, after expressing 
 his gratitude, groped his way home exulting, and sallied out early 
 the next morn, to enjoy the profits of his benefactor's productions. 
 He cried his pamphlets by the title of A New Novel, as he had 
 been directed, and for some time had no custom ; but one of his 
 books having been purchased and examined, the rest met with a 
 most rapid sale, and the blind man returned homewards with his 
 pockets well loaded. His pleasant ideas were, however, soon
 
 236 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 In favour of innocence, on the long run, 
 
 Ten thousand the odds were oppos'd to each one. 
 
 'Twas the triumph of Truth 'gainst the Hych'a of 
 
 Malice, 
 And the Monster at length drained its own poison'd 
 
 chalice. 
 
 checked, by his fiudlng himself in the custody of an officer of 
 the police, who told him that the book which he had sold was a 
 most virulent and impudent satire against a person of rank. 
 Tlie poor blind man protested his innocence and told his tale, 
 which, luckily for him, was believed ; but he could give no in- 
 formation which could lead to the contriver of this verj' ingenious 
 and ne\\ \\ ay of spreading al^road scandal w ith impunity. 
 
 \
 
 Eejcicojsrap|)ers» 
 
 Indocti discant, ament meminisse periti. 
 
 Let the illiterate acquire knowledge, and tlie learned man im- 
 prove his recollection. 
 
 1 HOUGH plodding their toils, still my plaudits arc 
 
 due 
 To Lexicographers — subordinate crew, 
 Without whom the writers on science might err. 
 And the genius with nonsense his flights often slur.
 
 238 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Since recurrence to works, such as these, scribes re- 
 quire, 
 As for cooking the kitchen wench needs a good 
 
 fire : 
 The ground- work is language, which duly refin'd. 
 Produces the ultimate feast for the mind ; 
 So he that toils most in selecting his fare. 
 Never fails of applause to secure the best share. (/>) 
 
 {b) The Diversions ofPurley, by the late Mr. Home Tooke, is 
 one of the most erudite productions that has issued from the 
 British press, and is a convincing proof of the capacious mind 
 and elaborate study of the writer ; indeed Mr. Tooke does not 
 scruple to affirm, that Doctor Johnson himself was but a child, 
 when considered in the light of a writer possessing any know- 
 ledge of the root of all languages. Had Mr. Tooke lived to com- 
 plete the work, upon which he had been long engaged, there is 
 little reason to doubt but he would have produced a labour un- 
 paralleled in the annals of lexicographian literature. An edition of 
 Johnso)is Dictionary, with the annotations of Home Tooke, was 
 knocked down, at the sile of that gentleman's effects, to Major 
 James for tzco hundred pounds ,• which sufficiently testifies the 
 high consideration in which those strictures were held by die bid-
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 239 
 
 ders for the work in question. * As a writer of the above class, 
 Dr. Rees IS with justice universally esteemed ; and although by 
 no means an elegant composer, yet the labours of Dr. Watkins 
 
 • The following curious particulars relatin«t to the sale of Home Tooke's 
 copy of Johnson's Dictionary may be relied on as fact. 
 
 When it was knocked down to Major James at the hi^h price already stated, 
 many persons were curious to know what could have induced him to pay such 
 a sum, and especially when they perceived the Major carefully proceeding out 
 of the auction room, with the volumes under his arm. Some few ventured 
 to question him distinctly, whether he had bought the work for himself or 
 for any other person ? Major James ironically replied, that " the English na- 
 tion had never truly appreciated the abilities of Home Tooke; the only one 
 who knew how to value them was the Emperor Xapoleon, and for him he had 
 purchased the volumes." Astonishment was now at its very height, and all 
 who heard this declaration at once concluded that something prodigiously 
 curious must be connected with the Dictionary. It should be observed that 
 Home Tooke was an honorary member of the French National Institute, and 
 hence the badinage of Major James appeared the more probable. The motives, 
 however, that induced Major James to make this purchase deserve to be 
 known, as they are highly honourable to his character : they arose from a 
 sincere desire to befriend the daughters of Home Tooke, for whose benefit 
 his books were being sold ; and facts prove that his benevolent object was ac- 
 complished. The person who was commissioned to buy the volumes for Sir 
 Francis Burdett ceased his bidding at <£oO, and the contest then lay between 
 Mr. Rees for the booksellers, and Major James for the cause of humanity. The 
 latter so far prevailed that by his " mad or foolish bidding," if any choose to 
 call it either, ofloO more were obtained for the daughters of Tooke than would 
 otherwise have been had, besides .£'43 for the cards. Major James had a 
 sincere regard for the father when living, and for his daughters he had thus 
 kindly exerted himself. By the intervention of a common friend the volumes 
 have been confided to the care of Mr. Rees, for the use of Mr. Todd, in his 
 edition of Johnson's Dictionary ; Mr. Rees stipulating to pay the o£'200 that 
 were bid at the auction, and ,£43 for the cards ; the volumes to be returned 
 when Mr, Todd's edition is completed. The public, therefore, will have the 
 benefit of Home Tooke's labours, and Major James will possess the valuable 
 original without any expense.
 
 240 SCRIBBLEOxMANIA. 
 
 have met with the gi eatest encouragement. I shall now wind up 
 my note with an anecdote, which may be relied upon as matter of 
 fact, and as appertaining to so extraordinary a character may 
 perhaps afford some share of entertainment. 
 
 The Emperor Napoleon Mas one day giving directions to the 
 minister of the marine, and consulting him upon the feasibility 
 of some action of importance : as the views of Bonaparte did 
 not, however, coincide with the ideas of this personage, he 
 started several objections, and the better to turn the emperor 
 from putting his plans into effect, informed him that it was 
 morally impossible to secure success; when Napoleon replied, 
 with a smile, '' Erase the word impossible from your dictionary ; 
 it is a term, sir, I never admit into mine."
 
 Catalogue M^iitvs. 
 
 Id maxime quemque decet, quod est ciijusque suum maxime. 
 
 That best b6comes every man which he is by natiire intended to 
 perform. 
 
 Recorded the last of our versatile band. 
 Compilers for Catalogues here take their stand ; 
 A Britton, by Stafford's great Marquis selected, 
 Enrolling of Painters, his samples collected ; 
 A print-vending phalanx of portraits rare judges, 
 With Flindal that, fool-like, in zany's track trudges 
 
 R
 
 242 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 And lastly, those scribes for collectors close shavers. 
 Who catalogue works of the ancient engravers. 
 All these with long list hath the Printing Art 
 
 noted. 
 So Scribbleciimdash thinks their toils should be 
 
 quoted ; 
 Since aught that pertains to the Press he must Hook^ 
 Or Printer^ s black devils will call him to Book ; 
 So greeting each imp in his true inkish plight. 
 For breath he must pause ere he 'gins a new 
 
 flight, (c) 
 
 (c) Mr. BrittoH has published, under the auspices of the 
 Marquis of Stajford, a descriptive catalogue of that nobleman's 
 choice collection of pictures, which is not one of this writer's 
 happiest elForts. Mr. Dibdin is engaged in writing a list of the 
 classical library of the Earl of Spencer ^ which will no doubt be 
 handled with becoming acumen, as the writer in question has so 
 long made ancient and valuable literature his unceasing study. 
 With respect to engravings, a man of the name of Flindal has 
 issued forth a production replete with nothing but errors, while 
 the Chaleographiana, a mere reprint of marked catalogues, with
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 94.'J 
 
 a few annotations on the mania of portrait collecting, has also 
 been ushered forth by Mr. Cauljield, so well known among the 
 collectors and illustrators of Granger, Clarendon, &c. &c. I 
 shall refrain from burdening my page with more writers of this 
 class, who, generally speaking, possess, like Mr. Oldys, but a 
 slender portion of genius or classical learning, but, like the last- 
 mentioned personage long since defunct, are in every respect 
 calculated for index reading, a knowledge of title-pages, and a 
 perfect insight as to every thing connected with scarce English 
 books, their different editions, &.c. in which dry walk Mr. Oldys 
 was never surpassed. 
 
 It 2
 
 ^oral Writers, 
 
 Verba aiiimi jirqferre, et vitam impendere vero, 
 
 Juvenal. 
 
 To deliver the eflfusion^ of the mind, and to venture one's life for 
 the truth. 
 
 No labour tends more mortal genius to raise 
 Than ably recording Morality's praise : {d) 
 
 (d) The greatest honour is conferred upon the English press, 
 by tlie production of the multifarious publications wherewith it 
 has teemed, from the pens of both sexes, during the last fifty 
 years ; as this topic, however, applies to the following head, as 
 well as that which treats of the expounders of Christianity, I 
 shall, without further comment, dismiss the present note, and 
 proceed to speak of the Lady next adverted to by the poetaster.
 
 246 SCRIBBLEOMANIA 
 
 These authors to human society yield 
 Such good as the husbandman tiUing his field ; 
 For, as soil ably cultur'd best ripens the seed. 
 So virtue's true germs spring from rectitude's creed. 
 While dictates immoral the wretch leaves forlorn. 
 For his breast nothing yields save compunction's fell 
 thorn.
 
 lannaf) Movt. 
 
 Take fast hold of Instruction ; let her not go ; keep her, for she 
 is thy life. 
 
 Proverbs. 
 
 In praise of Morality — soul saving manna, 
 Peruse we the pages of far-renown' d Hannah, 
 Who proffers her theme to all ranks in the nation. 
 Commencing with system of pure Education ;
 
 248 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 From whence she takes flight to illumine a sphere. 
 Where Faith, Virtue, Honour, transpendant ap- 
 pear, (e) 
 Last Cdclehs salutes us in search of a wife. 
 Who looks for a gem far above human life ; 
 
 {e) The productions of this writer are very numerous, and 
 uniformly characterized by an undeviating attention to the prin- 
 ciples of religion and morality. Her system of female education 
 is certainly one of the best now extant ; and if, as it is asserted, 
 a very high ecclesiastical dignitary frequently lent his aid to fur- 
 ther the literary views of this writer, it confers the greater honour 
 upon her endeavours, as the sanction of the good and the learned 
 is the surest test of the sincerity of this lady's professions. If 
 we regard the style of this author's writings, it will be found ex- 
 tremely flowing, while the strictest attention is paid to render the 
 subject comprehensible to the meanest capacity ; in which efibrt 
 slie is the more happy, as the end is completely answered, with- 
 out infringhig upon the principles of chaste and elegant litera- 
 ture. As I have, at the commencement of this note, offered a 
 tribute of praise to the system of female education as laid down 
 by Hannah More, I will, for the edification of the female sex, 
 subjoin the opinion of a very clever departed writer, whose-
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 049 
 
 Thus the pages, though pure, rarely pourtray a fea- 
 ture 
 Descriptive of Truth, and the dictates of Nature ; 
 Still pure in its moral, it claims high commending, 
 Corrective of trash through our Novels extending. 
 
 mental acumen has, I believe, completely stood the test of criti- 
 cism. 
 
 Of the eflfects of education in women, and the evils resulting 
 from the want of it, De Foe expresses his opinion in the follow- 
 ing manner : " A well-bred woman, and well taught, furnished 
 with the additional accomplishments of knowledge and behaviour, 
 is a creature without comparison; her society is the emblem of 
 >ublimer enjoyments, her person is angelic, and her conversation 
 heavenly. She is all softness and sweetness, peace, love, ^it, 
 and delight ; she is every way suitable to the sublimest wish, and 
 the man that has such a one to his portion has nothing to do but 
 rejoice in her and be thankful. On the other hand, suppose her 
 to be the same woman, and deprived of the benefit of education, 
 and it follows thus : If her temper be good, her want of educa- 
 tion makes her soft and easy ; her wit, for want of teaching, ren-
 
 250 SCR1B13LEOMANIA. 
 
 This writer, to rectitude's principles true, 
 Hath ever kept Porteus, Blair^ Paley, in view, 
 Alluring with truths, which are sanction'd by Hea- 
 ven, 
 Such precepts as tend to correct mundane leaven ; 
 For the theme of Redemption ne'er puzzles our 
 
 sense, 
 We are taught to prepare for our journey from hence. 
 Omniscience inculcates no rules with the rod , 
 The lesson of tenderness flows from our God ; 
 And those who feel most for humanity's thrall 
 Approximate nearest the Great Judge of All. 
 
 ders her impertinent and talkative ; her knowledge, for want of 
 judgment and experience, makes her fanciful and whimsical : if 
 her temper be bad, want of breeding makes her worse, and she 
 grows haughty, insolent, and loud ; if she be passionate, want 
 of manners makes her a termagant and a scold, which is much 
 as one with a lunatic ; if she be proud, want of discretion 
 (which is still ill breeding) makes her conceited, fantastic, and 
 ridiculous; and from these she degenerates to be turbulent, 
 clamorous, noisy, nasty, and the devil."
 
 Writers upoit Ctjucatiott. 
 
 Udum et molle lutiim es ; nunc nunc propcrandus et ncri 
 Fingendas sine fine rota. 
 
 Per.'^iii'!. 
 
 Thou art now but as soft and moist clay, and therefore inces- 
 santly to be moulded by the glowing wheel. 
 
 To those who have conn'd well our dawning career. 
 And a just code have fram'd infant passions to steer, 
 The parent must ever a just debt confess, 
 Since tuition, well fraught, must maturity bless :
 
 252 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 While toils of a writer true judgment impart. 
 Whose precepts to Virtue expand the young heart ;(./) 
 Like gem in the bulse as produc'd from the soil, 
 Ere its lustre is seen, needs the artizan's toil ; 
 
 (f) If the rising generation do not greatly excel its prede- 
 cessors in the knowledge and practice of humanity, every philo- 
 sopher, divine, and poet, who has glanced upon the subject of 
 education, will have completely failed in his conjecture. Eighty 
 years back it would have been deemed the height of folly in an 
 author to appropriate his talents to the service of an infantile 
 race. The whole juvenile library then consisted of a dry book, 
 entitled " Geography for Children," and in a set of volumes de- 
 scriptive of Westminster Abbey and the Touer of London ; 
 Mother Goose also added her tales, from Mhich neither instruc- 
 tion nor moral was to be acquired. The ingenious Christopher 
 Smart was the first man of talent who thought the minds and 
 morals of children deserving of literary attention. In his Lilli- 
 putian Magazine he inculcated the best principles, but at the 
 same time thought it necessary to introduce into the drama 
 " JVoglog the Great Giant" in order to terrify and amuse by 
 turns. From the success experienced by Smart, a new class of 
 writers appeared, who have exerted their talents to compose 
 histories in common life, which uniformly tend to inculcate sua-
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 253 
 
 So youth, when expanding, requires Education, (g) 
 To show mental light, be whatever the station ; 
 
 vity of manners, with the practice of morality and rehgion. 
 Children thus tutored must indubitably retain some portion of the 
 precepts so inculcated, and where the seeds of virtue are early 
 planted there can be no doubt but the procreative soil will ex- 
 pand the ripening germs, and in the end produce a plenteous 
 harvest. 
 
 Instrue praceptis animum nee discere cesses, 
 Nam si)ie Doctrina vita est quasi Mortis Imago. 
 
 In Learning's Precepts spend thy latest breath, 
 Life without Learning bears the stamp of Death. 
 
 (g) If we continue to dilate upon female tuition, a very strik- 
 ing instance of perfection is handed down to us from undeniable 
 authority, in die family of Sir Thomas More, in the reign of 
 Henry the Sth ; upon which subject I shall beg leave to dwell 
 a httle, in order to excite emulation in the minds of those who 
 can justly appreciate the incalculable benefits derivable from 
 education.
 
 254 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 \\'lierefore those who most ably such dictates convey. 
 All the blazonry claim of bright honour's array. (Il) 
 
 " Fuit ejus domus," says Erasmus, " schola et gymnasium 
 Christianae religionis." — " The tutors of More's children were 
 John Clements, who was afterwards a Greek professor at 
 Oxford ; WilHam Gonellus (or Gunnell), afterwards distinguish- 
 ed at Cambridge ; Richard Hertius ; one Drus, and one Ni- 
 cholas," says Stapleton, Vit. Mori, 221, 2. More's letter to 
 Gonellus, concerning the education of his children (which 
 Stapleton has extracted, p. 224), is full of curious information 
 and great tenderness of sentiment. Most of the learned men of 
 that day, Erasnms, Ludovicus Vives, and Grynaeus, celebrated 
 the school of More. 
 
 Erasmus, from whom we derive these particulars, and who 
 w as often an inmate of that delightful society, greatly captivated 
 with the easy manners, the animated conversation, and the extra- 
 ordinary accomplishments of More's daughters, could not help 
 o\^ ninghimself a complete convert to More's sentiments oi female 
 education. Yet while he admired their improvement, and 
 shared in the pleasures it diffused, he could not help remarking 
 one day to his friend, how severe a calamity it would be, if, by 
 any of those fatalities to which the human race is liable, such ae-
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 265 
 
 complished beings, whom he had so painfully and successfully 
 laboured to improve, should happen to be snatched away ! " If 
 tliey are to die," replied More, without hesitating, " I would ra- 
 ther have them die well informed than ignorant." This reply, 
 continues Erasmus, reminded me of a saying of Phocion, whose 
 wife, as he was about to drink the poison according to his sen- 
 tence, exclaimed, " Ah ! my husband, you die innocent !" " And 
 would you, my wife," he rejoined, " rather have me die guilty r" — 
 Macdiarmid's Lives of British Statesmen, p. 32. Erasm. 
 Epist. 605. 
 
 Warner, at p. 154, speaking of Margaret Roper, says — Of 
 his two youngest daughters we know nothing, but that they were 
 manied to gentlemen ; but his eldest daughter, Margaret, the 
 wife of Mr. Roper, and the favourite child of Sir Tliomas 
 More, who has been often mentioned in this history, was a wo- 
 man of extraordinary parts and learning. She wrote declama- 
 tions in English, which her father and she turned so elegantly into 
 Latin, that it was very difficult to determine which was best. 
 She wrote also a treatise of the " four last things," with so much 
 piety, judgment, and strength of reasoning, that her father de- 
 clared it was a better performance than a discourse which he 
 had written himself on the same subject. Erasmus m rote an 
 epistle to her, as to a woman famous, not only for her manners 
 and virtue, but for true and solid learning. And Cardinal Pole 
 was so channed with the elegance of her Latin style, that it was 
 long before he could be brought to believe that what he read
 
 256 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 was penned by a woman. In short, she was a perfect mistress 
 of the Greek and Latiai tongues, and of all sorts of music, with 
 a great skill in arithmetic and many sciences, and was compli- 
 mented by the greatest men of the age on that account. 
 
 The three daughters of Sir Thomas were born first, which is 
 stated to have given his wife nmch uneasiness, whose constant 
 prayer was that she might produce a boy ; which event at lengtli 
 taking place, and the child proving little better than a fool, Sir 
 Thomas told hia wife, " that she had prayed so long for a boy, 
 that she had one now who would be a boy as long as he lived." 
 Notwithstanding these natural disadvantages. Sir Thomas Mor<; 
 did every thing for the improvement of his son's mind, and, al- 
 though incapable of rendering him a shining figure, and the wor- 
 thy representative of such a father, he nevertheless displayed the 
 wholesome effects of a good education, and thus made a sterile 
 . soil productive of some fruit. 
 
 (A) In addition to Hannah More, we have the late Dr. Gre- 
 gory's Legacy to his Daughters, which I conceive to be very far 
 from correct in many of its dictates. A Mr. Gregory also, who 
 ranked among the dissenters, was as pure in his system of prac- 
 tical education, as he was conspicuous for the virtues of the 
 heart. To the labours of Lindley Murray the rising generation 
 will own itself highly indebted, while the volumes of Mistresses 
 Sonhote and Trimmer will ever be regarded with the most re- 
 spectful consideration by the instructors of youth. Add to these
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. -257 
 
 the names of Butler and Shepherd, together with a variety of 
 others, who, if not chronicled in this note, are not the less honour- 
 ed by the writer, who conceives that there is scarcely a class of 
 individuals devoted to literature who are more worthy of pane- 
 gyric than those persons whose meritorious labours are uniform- 
 ly dedicated to expand the intellect and amend the human heart.
 
 Suti0pttttiettce, 
 
 Vir bonus est quis ? 
 
 Qui consulta patrum qui leges juraque servat. 
 
 Horace. 
 
 Who is a good man ? That being who respects the ordinances of 
 the Legislature, and is obedient to every law and moral obliga- 
 tion. 
 
 PROM culture dispelling gross ignorance dense, 
 That prescribes to our passions the curb-rein of 
 
 sense ; 
 From morality*s rules planted deep in the breast, 
 Where goading of turpitude ne'er was impressed ; 
 Springs love for those writers, from whom we can 
 
 draw 
 The precepts of Justice and source of all Law ; 
 Since the upright no terrors in punishment trace. 
 For the guilty alone dread the brand of disgrace. 
 
 s2l
 
 260 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Our code void of quirks in a Blackstone is seen ; 
 From Burn*s Jurisprudence staunch precepts we 
 
 glean. 
 While our Rights from Delolme[t) are at once 
 
 understood, 
 " That Freedom acquird hy our Forefathers' blood." 
 Such works fundamental for aye stand enroU'd, 
 Such names shou'd grace adamant, blazon'd in gold. 
 As a limb of the Bar, I with honour renown 'em, 
 And exulting with circlet unfading thus crown 'em. (j) 
 
 (i) It is not a little surprising to observe, that the best trea- 
 tise upon the British constitution was written by the French 
 gentleman above named ; while the history of England, from 
 whence every later writer has composed his work, has uniformly 
 been that of liapiii de T/ioi/ras, who also owed his birth to 
 France, and which work, although prolix, is completely void of 
 prejudice, and full of learned and amusing annotations. 
 
 (j) Although Sir Scribblecumdash has advanced so much in 
 praise of this subject, I must beg leave to remark, that however 
 good the lazes themselves may be, it is far otherwise with their 
 Limbs ; wherefore that no rcadei , judging fioni the above cou-
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 261 
 
 plets, may be prompted to run headlong into danger, I shall 
 trouble him with the following statements, which having per- 
 used, " let him then go to law with what appetite he may." 
 
 Mr. Selwyn, a very sagacious and experienced citizen, (who 
 was formerly a candidate for the office of chamberlain of Lon- 
 don, and missed it only by seven votes out of 1000), used to say, 
 that a man who deliberates about going to law should have 
 
 1 . A good cause. 
 
 2. A good purse. 
 
 3. An honest and skilful attorney. 
 
 4. Good evidence. 
 
 5. Able counsel. 
 
 6. An upright judge. 
 
 7. An intelligent jury. 
 
 8. Good luck ; without which, with all the other seven, it is 
 odds but he miscarries in his suit. 
 
 In Burton on Melancholy, p. 50, he states as follows : " He 
 that goes to law, as the proverbe is, holds a wolfe by the eares, 
 or, as a sheepe in a storme, runs for shelter to a brier. If he pro- 
 secute his cause, he is consumed; if he surcease his suit, he 
 looseth all. What difference?" 
 
 An advocate of Strasbourg being suddenly taken ill, sent for 
 a brother lawyer to make his will, by which he bequeathed 
 72,000 florins to the Hospital of Idiots in that city. His
 
 ?62 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 brother advocate, expressing his surprise at this bequest, *' Why 
 not bestow that sum upon them?" (said the dying man) " You 
 know I got my money by fools, and therefore to fools it ought 
 to return." 
 
 Do we not find these lords sedate 
 
 Make laws themselves, so intricate, 
 
 That one act patches up another — 
 
 As rogue will rogue — because a brother. 
 
 In vain for verdict ye resort. 
 
 And come with clean hands into court, 
 
 Since right and wrong give equal sport 
 
 To counsel — who'll cross-question so. 
 
 That, whetiier witness will or no. 
 
 He'll surely gainsay what is sooth. 
 
 And mar with lie the naked truth. 
 
 In vain on high !>its Justice scowling; 
 
 In vain poor Goddess makes a growling ; 
 
 They heed her not, but with ear-clinkers 
 
 Out-argue right — as for her bli-ikers. 
 
 Lest their keen glance shou'd raise a stir. 
 
 They've bound 'em up with nmckinger. 
 
 An oath to him who'd truth be killing 
 
 Is kiss the book, and give a shilling; 
 
 Nor more nor less — for when digestion 
 
 Is strong with conscience — to each question 
 
 Witness may cut pert counsel short, 
 
 By stating he remembers nought. 
 
 I
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 263 
 
 Thus what with flaws the truth defeating, 
 
 And pleaders' impudent brow-beating ; 
 
 Judges who vary on the case, 
 
 Good allegations out of place ; 
 
 A witness who can not remember 
 
 If 'twas in August or December; 
 
 In short, such ugly cross-grain'd things, 
 
 With fifty others, trial brings. 
 
 And where's in this the wonder, pray ? 
 
 Did not a famous Judge once say, 
 
 That speaking truth deserves as well 
 
 Punition, being a Libel, 
 
 As he who truth doth vilify, 
 
 By telling a confounded lie : 
 
 So from that hour when Truth's been stripp'd 
 
 In courts for blabbing — she's been whipp'd.
 
 4
 
 €jcpountiers of €\fvistimitp. 
 
 Chi amd. Dio, amd ancora la sua Chiesa. 
 Whoso loves the Divinity, loves his Church also. 
 
 All hail, sacred flame, that religion inspires ! 
 I bend to the impulse that kindles thy fires -, 
 Since those who with pathos instil the pure code 
 Throw beams of salvation on life's rugged road, {k) 
 
 {k) No work has more justly acquired fame than the Bea^i- 
 ties of Christianity/, from the pen of the celebrated Chateau-
 
 266 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 'Tis tlie faith of our realm unpolluted I follow. 
 The stores of a Paley (/) enraptur'd I swallow: 
 Meek purity shines in Christ's lesson of grace, 
 And simplicity blazons Religion's true race. 
 
 briand: it is by this writer that we are conducted through so 
 many new and beautiful paths to a view of the cause ; the ope- 
 rations o! which are delineated in a manner that, in point of 
 originality, cannot fail to astonish, and, in point of utility, to 
 instruct us. This writer has made all the productions of modern 
 literature and the fine arts appear more venerable and august, 
 because he points out the extent of their obligations to that 
 religion which has stamped her own image upon them, and 
 consecrated iheni to her service. And thus it is that Christi- 
 anity, viewed through the medium of the works of Milton, Bos- 
 suef, Masillon, Michael Angela, and Raphael, appears still 
 more striking to the imagination. 
 
 (/) There is no offspring from the genius of Mr. Paley 
 which has not conferred honour upon his name : he is one of 
 the sincerest and most masterly advocates for the divine cause 
 he has espoused ; and, while a sentiment of religion and a love 
 of moral truth exist in this country, the pages of the above 
 writer will be read with an enthusiasm proportionate to the 
 benefit which they are formed to confer upon the human 
 race.
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 26? 
 
 Such themes let me hail ! while the scribe that di- 
 verges, 
 And wafts my poor bark on tempestuous surges. 
 Though protestant rated, for me ne'er shall write ; 
 There is but one road to the beacon of Light : (m) 
 
 (m) At the end of the Bible which was the property of the 
 late Sir TV. Jones, so justly celebrated for his researches into 
 the literature, mythology, and antiquities of Hindostan, appears 
 the following note in his own hand-writing : " I have regularly 
 and attentively read these Holy Scriptures, and am of opinion, 
 that this voUime, independently of its divine origin, contains 
 more true sublimity, more exquisite beauty, more pure morality, 
 more important history, and finer strains both of poetry and 
 eloquence, than can be collected from all other books, in what- 
 ever age or language tliey may have been composed. The two 
 parts of which the scriptures consist are connected by a chain 
 of compositions which bear no resemblance, in form or style, 
 to any that can be produced from the stores of Grecian, Persian, 
 or even Arabian learning. The antiquity of those compositions 
 no man doubts ; and the unstrained application of them to 
 events long subsequent to their publication, is a soHd ground of 
 belief that they are genuine predictions, and consequently in- 
 spired." 3/r. Steevens, the late Shaksperian commentator.
 
 / 
 
 268 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 That path will I journey — salvation's my song, 
 In pursuit of which aim I can never go wrong. 
 
 was precisely of the same opinion with the scientific writer 
 above quoted, in regard to the superlative beauties which are 
 contained in Holy Writ. 
 
 In the reign of Henry V. a law was passed against the 
 perusal of the Scriptures in English. It is enacted, " That what- 
 soever they were that should read the Scriptures in the mother 
 tongue, they should forfeit land, catel, lif, and godes, from 
 theyre heyres for ever, and to be condempned for heretykes to 
 God, enemies to the crowne, and most errant traitors to the 
 lande." On contrasting the above statute with the indefati- 
 gable exertions now made to print and circulate the Bible, what 
 an extraordinary revolution in public sentiments has taken place 
 within a few ceDturies !
 
 f 
 
 Ittfibel Writers. 
 
 Est prqfedo DeuSf qui guce nos gerimus auditque et videt; 
 Neque id verum existimo, quod vidgo dicitur 
 Fortuna, humanajinget artatque, ut lubet. 
 
 Terence. 
 
 There can be no doubt but a Divinity exists, who sees and hears 
 all that we do and say. I disbelieve wliat is ordinarily affirmed, 
 tliat we are indebted to Fortune alone for all the vicissitudes inci- 
 dental to human aflfairs. 
 
 From anarchy's tide, that o'erwhehn'd Gallia's plain, 
 When nature appeal'd to the bosom in vain ; 
 Till, shrinking with terror, she paralyz'd stood 
 To view children moisten the land with their blood ;
 
 270 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 His tenets the Infidel then spoke quite free ; 
 E'en Atheists vaunted — if such there can he: (?i) 
 
 (n) There never was a time when so man)' enemies sur- 
 rounded the pure Christian faith, and with such persevering 
 contumacy, as at the present period. Some step forward as 
 aflfectionate friends, and, by painting her doctrines as painful to 
 be followed, and her commands as impracticable to be obeyed, 
 thus discourage and force into Deism all such as despair of at- 
 taining to a state of perfection. Others, with a well-feigned 
 delicacy and respect, trace Christianity from its source, and 
 pursue it from its tenderest age to maturity with invidious sar- 
 casms and masqued sneers. But the most effectual, and conse- 
 quently the most dangerous, foes to revealed religion, are a pha- 
 lanx of Polemics, who perhaps enter into these disputations 
 without being aware of the extent of the mischief they are 
 doing. Healed by controversies on Trinity or Unity, on Soci- 
 nianism or Arianism, they scruple not to call in any auxiliary to 
 their aid rather than relinquish an iota of argument, and thus 
 permit the purity of faith to be ravaged by fiery Methodists on 
 the one side, and obdurate Jews on the other, to the no small 
 gratification of the sneering Deist, who imagines that he thus 
 acquires a great advantage on the score of natural religion, as 
 he denominates his system, by thus exposing the numerous 
 divisions, persecutions, scurrilities, and anathemas of those 
 who have taught, and still pretend to inculcate, the precepts of
 
 SCRIBBLEOMAIVIA. 271 
 
 From whence issu'd themes to subvert Revelation, 
 And shroud the bright beams of eternal salvation. 
 Such comments as once were with vulgar the rage. 
 When of Reason Paine printed his blasphemous Age, 
 And allur'd shallow wits, while pretending to scan 
 Superlative Rights of the uninformed Man. 
 For works of this stamp, ev*ry evil uniting. 
 No lash dipp'd in gall is sufficiently biting; 
 Since the vulgar, at all times by novelty caught, 
 To infidel tenets submit void of thought; 
 Wherefore he that converts to such use sense's 
 
 pow'r. 
 To the world is a tiger, let loose to devour. 
 
 divine revelation. Without; therefore, entering into a contro- 
 versy, which the writer condemns, he merely ventures to remark, 
 that every attempt to solve the counsels of the Supreme, to 
 investigate mysteries which are enveloped in darkness, and 
 which, if revealed, would prove of no concern to man's future 
 happiness, seems an effort but of petulant curiosity, and as 
 such may probably be displeasing to the sublime Arbiter of 
 fate, who, had he intended the nature of his government to be 
 understood on earth, would certainly have precluded all ne- 
 cessity of disputations upon the subject. 
 
 L
 
 Huntrngtott. 
 
 But then I sigh, and with a piece of Scripture 
 Tell them that God bids us do good for evil : 
 And thus I clothe my naked villany 
 With old odd ends, stol'n forth of Holy Writ, 
 And seem a Saint when most I play the Devil. 
 
 If truth now is in me, I blush, gentle reader, 
 To note down the tenets of shameful seceder 
 From Protestant doctrine, whose purpose w^as pelf, 
 Converting Religion to benefit — self. 
 From brain of this hypocrite works without number 
 Have serv'd to accumulate blasphemous lumber, (p) 
 
 (p) The numerous compositions of this arch-hypocrite are 
 not only a disgrace to the press, but a melancholy proof of the 
 besotted state into which a large portion of the community has
 
 274 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Unlike former IVesleys, who virtues possess'd, 
 A Uliitfield or Hilly though I deem each a pest. 
 
 sunk, which can tolerate such barefaced profanation. As it 
 would be wasting words to say more in reprehension of the wri- 
 tings to which I allude, the remainder of this stricture shall be de- 
 dicated to anecdotes, in some measure illustrative of the rhapsodi- 
 cal nonsense of these defilers of the principles of salvation. 
 
 The following is a definition of the spirit of salvation delivered 
 by the Rev. Mr. Oiven, late of Fiilham, in a style which by far 
 surpasses any definition handed down to us by Dr. Johnson, 
 the great pioneer of literature. 
 
 " The spirit of salvation is a sweetly vibrating testimonial, a 
 soul comforting assurance, that we are treading in the way 
 pointed out by the zcarp of all nature, to that final goal of soul 
 subduing bliss, in etherial regions of transcendant emotion of the 
 mind, distinct from material sensation, for ever receiving and ex- 
 citing it with the new warmth of their everlasting ecstasies, 
 made more dear by uniting with him in tenfold folds of unsub- 
 stantial sympathy, rendered doubly pleasing by the almost inex- 
 tinguishable flame of all pervading love. This (says Mr. O.) 
 is the only definition that, in my humble opinion, has any claim 
 to intelligibility."
 
 SCRIBBLEOM ANIA. 275 
 
 This coal-heaver vow'd he was link'cl in God's 
 
 tether, 
 Who prov'd famous maker of short-clothes of leather. 
 
 Some 3'ears back, two sailors went ashore at Charles Tozi'/if 
 Carolina ; they naturally advanced towards a crowd which had 
 gathered lound the celebrated Whitfield, who was preaching 
 with great vehemence against the sins of his auditory. The tars 
 arrived just in time to hear the pastor exclaim, with infinite force 
 of gesticulation, " and I your pastor, your teacher, shall be forced 
 to bear witness against you at the awful day of judgment." — 
 " Halloo, Jack !" cried one of the sailors, who was divided by the 
 
 crowd from his messmate, " D n my eyes, if that isn't just as 
 
 it goes at the Old Bailey ; the greatest rogue always turns king's 
 evidence." 
 
 Dr. Bacon, sometime fellow of Oxford, chanced one morning 
 to ride by a methodist chapel, and on seeing these words, " Let 
 your moderation he known to all men," painted in large capitals 
 on the door, he alighted, took out his pencil, and wrote the follow- 
 ing lines immediately under: 
 
 What ! talk of moderation, sons of w res ! 
 
 Who've shut your moderation out of doors. 
 
 T 2
 
 276 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Of Taylors great master — renowned for all stitches. 
 Purveyor, that gratis found Coat, Waistcoat, 
 t Breeches ; 
 
 With precepts thus damning to sense and the soul, 
 Our Huntington gain'd curst profanity's goal. 
 Even JVilhei'foi'ce self such vile trash must deride, 
 Since the knave and the fool thro' this code are de- 
 scried. 
 With Methodist dogmas the press teems we find, ((7) 
 Nor will the Dissenters e'en lag far behind; 
 
 [q) In order to expose the advocates and writers in support 
 of these anti-protestant opinions, one Joseph Nightingale pub- 
 lished a work, entitled A Port 7a it of Methodism and Ca- 
 tholicism, which places the followers of these doctrines in the 
 most disgusting point of view ; it may not be superfluous to add, 
 that the writer of tlie work in question has not enrolled his name 
 with tlie booksellers in a manner very creditable to himself on 
 the score of honourable dealing. 
 
 Having advanced so much in opposition to this class of wri- 
 ters, generally speaking, I cannot in justice withliold the follow-
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 277 
 
 But when such a race of iniquity's run. 
 
 As tarnish'd the annals of Bill Huntington^ (7-) 
 
 ing curious statement, whicli proves that there is no rule without 
 an exception. 
 
 At the York Assizes, in 1803, John Holden, clerk to a re- 
 spectable house i;i Leeds, was tried on a charge of forgery, 
 found guilty, and received condemnation : his family sustained a 
 very respectable rank in Halifax, and his father in particular 
 was a most worthy character. Immediately after the sentence 
 passed upon the unhappy son, a dissenting minister in that 
 neighbouriiood, of the Baptist persuasion, who had been long 
 and intimately attached to the father, presumed to address his 
 Majesty in a moving petition for the pardon of the son of his de- 
 ceased friend. Fully aware that it has been almost an invariable 
 J ule with the Sovereign to grant no pardon for the crime of for- 
 gery, he had little hopes of success ; but his petition prevailed, 
 and the pardon was granted. That the solicitation of a private 
 individual should thus have succeeded, while similar applications, 
 urged by numbers and backed w ith the weight of personal in- 
 fluence, should have failed, may no doubt excite astonishment : 
 the following circumstance, however, the veracity of which may 
 be relied upon, will tend to explain the singularity of the preced- 
 ing statement. In the year 1802, a divine, preaching before t!u^
 
 278 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 No longer with laughter as folly I treat it, 
 From blasphemy shrinking, with terror I meet it, 
 
 Royal Family, quoted a passage, illustrative of his text, from a 
 living author, whose name however was not mentioned. The 
 extract arrested the King's attention, who, at the conclusion of 
 the service, inquired from what author the quotation was made ; 
 w hen, being informed that he was a dissenting minister resident 
 in Yorkshire, his Majesty gave orders for the book to be pro- 
 cured, and the author was made acquainted with his Sovereign's 
 pleasure. The work was accordingly transmitted to the King, 
 accompanied by a letter, expressive of the sense the author en- 
 tertained of the high honour thus conferred upon him. It is 
 said that his Majesty was so highly gratified with the production, 
 that he desired the author might be informed of his readiness to 
 serve him. The petition, presented for the pardon of the young 
 man shortly after, afforded this disinterested and amiable minis- 
 ter the opportunity of supplicating at the hands of his Monarch 
 the exercise of his royal prerogative ; while at the same time it 
 exhibited a no less favourable characteristic of tlie Sovereign, 
 who by his acquiescence evinced the truth and sincerity of his 
 proffered service. That our suffering Monarch, after havhig vo- 
 luntarily given assurance of his favour to an obscure and humble 
 (though meritorious) individual, should be induced to depart from 
 an established rule rather than violate the sacredness of his
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 279 
 
 And with wonder contemplate the source of all 
 
 Grace, 
 That suiFer'd such monster its name to debase. 
 
 pledge, displays a dignity of mind \\1iich elevates his character 
 above all panegyric. 
 
 (/■) This man, whose sole aim was the accumulation of pelf, 
 reminds me of an anecdote told of a pretended proselyte, who 
 obtained from James the First the Deanery of Windsor. This 
 personage was extremely fond of persuading others to acts of 
 charity, but would never contribute himself; in consequence of 
 which, upon application being made to the chapter of Windsor 
 respecting some pecuniary concern, one of the prebends gave, 
 the following answer — " Qui suadet sua det." As we are now- 
 occupied upon the subject of licensed preachers, the following- 
 statement will tend to prove that this mode of conduct is not of 
 .very recent date. 
 
 In 1555, jllr. Tavernier had a special license, signed by 
 King Edward VI. to preach in any place of his Majesty's do- 
 minions, though he was a layman ; and he is said to have preacli- 
 ed before the King at court, w earing a velvet bonnet or round 
 cap, a damask gown, and gold chain about liis neck. He ap- 
 peared in the pulpit at St. Marij'n w itli a sword by his side, and
 
 280 SCRIBJ3LEOMANIA. 
 
 a gold chain about his neck, and preached to the scholars, begin- 
 nuig his sermon in these words : " Arriving at the mount of St. 
 Mary's, in the stony stage where I now stand, I have brought you 
 some fine biscuits, baked in the oven of charity, carefully con- 
 served for tlie chickens of the church, the sparrows of the spirit, 
 and the sweet swallows of salvation."
 
 3?0jbatttta ^outj^cote^w 
 
 Fallacia alia aJiam trudit. 
 
 Terence. 
 
 The production of one Imposture usually engenders many more. 
 
 Or writers, one more of this ungodly class 
 Shall suffice to reflect, as in Infidel's glass. 
 
 (s) Whether this Moman is an arch impostor, or really con- 
 ceives herself to be tliat which she pretends, is of little conse- 
 quence to the community at large : her tenets have certainly fas- 
 cinated many thousands; and snch being the fact, she is a danger-
 
 282 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 A spirit with tenets infernal imbu'd, 
 By foul demonocracy wholly subdu'd : 
 
 o\is iiiembcv of society, and ought to be subjected to such puni- 
 tiou as would either compel her to own her hypocrisy, or bring 
 her to a just sense of the delusion under which she labours, for 
 
 Nihil in speciem fallacius, quam praia religiu, iibi deorum 
 iiumen pr(ctenditiir sceleribus. 
 
 Nothing has a more deceiving face than false religion, \\here 
 devotion is pretended by the wicked. 
 
 Johanna Southcofe, however, is not the only female who haj; 
 deceived personages reputed for their wisdom and sanctity; since 
 in Fuller's Church History, book v. p. 187, speaking of Sir 
 Thomas More's belief in the Maid of Kent, he says, " I am 
 heartily sorry that the gravity of John Fisher, bishop of Roches- 
 ter, should be so fight, and the sharp sight of Sir Thomas 
 More so blinde, as to give credit to so notorious an Impostrix, 
 which plunged them both into the King's deep displeasure." As 
 for Elizabeth Barton, soon after, she was executed with many of 
 her complices and complotters. The papists at this day, unable 
 -to defend her forgery, and unwilling to confess her cheating, seek 
 to salve all by pleading her to be distracted. Thus, if succee4-
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 2S3 
 
 This woman asserts she's the Saviour's elect, (/) 
 And his bride in the trappings of prophetess deck'd ; 
 
 iiig she had been praised (and perchance canonized) for lier de- 
 votion ; now faiUng J she must be pardoned and pitied for her dis- 
 traction. 
 
 As the follovving instances of individuals disseminating novel 
 doctrines are not generally known, I shall subjoin them for the 
 amusement and information of the reader. 
 
 Qu/ririus Kiihlmaii, a native of Bieslau, who broached his 
 extravagant opinions in the seventeenth century, is but little 
 known. At the age of eighteen he thought himself inspired by 
 a divine " afflatus," which formed itself always around his head 
 like a globe of hght. His genius was by no means inconsidera- 
 ble : he wrote " P rodromns Quinquennii mirabi/is," and pre- 
 pared for the press " Le clcfde tlLtemite et dn Terns." In 
 order to establish iiis doctrines, lie roamed through Britain, Italy, 
 and the East : he made few proselytes, but still wandered un- 
 molested. In IGSi), however, his good fortune forsook him, for 
 having disseminated some heterodox dogmas in Russia, the 
 priests of that country made him expiate his heresies at the stake.
 
 284 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 That her mission below is God's will to reveal, 
 And the passport for thousands on high — her own 
 Seal ; 
 
 1 
 
 Gonzales Baudara, a cobler of Lisbon, in 1 540, had nearly 
 ended bis days at the stake, under a sentence of the Inquisition, 
 for uttering absurd predictions. By a singular revolution in hu- 
 man affairs it so happened, that a century afterwards, when the 
 House of JBraganza rose to the throne of Portugal, some of 
 tiiis cobler's fanatic effusions were judged to have pointed out 
 clearly the events which had then so recently happened ; and 
 thus the memory of a man, who had with difficulty escaped the 
 flumes as an impostor, was after death honoured as an inspired 
 propliet. 
 
 {t) None of the rhapsodies of this modern enthusiast have ever 
 surpassed the tale narrated in the following effusion, which is li- 
 terally translated from a Latin breviary ; printed by command of 
 Pope Pius V. at Antrcerp, in 1G77. 
 
 " The holy brother, Philip Nerio, deeply affected by zeal to- 
 " wards the Supreme Being, lived in a perpetual languor; and 
 " his lieart burnt witli such ardor, that when it could not be con-
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 285 
 
 While her coming betokens Milennium arriv'd, 
 "When Nick will of Freedom by lier be deprived. 
 
 " tained witliin its proper bounds, the Creator most wonderfully 
 " enlarged its sphere of action, by breaking and raising up two 
 " of his ribs. Sometimes, when performing his holy duties, or 
 ** fervently praying, he was visibly lifted from the ground, and 
 " appeared to shine w ith a \\ ondrous brightness. The poor and 
 " the needy he relieved with universal charity : he was even 
 " thought worthy of bestowing alms on an angel, who conde- 
 " scended to receive them in the figure of an indigent person ; 
 *' and once, when carrying provisions to the poor, he had 
 " stumbled into a pitfall, he was delivered safe from danger by 
 " the interposition of that heavenly being. Humble in his nature, 
 " he ever avoided honours, and with constancy refused the first 
 " ecclesiastic dignities, which were unsolicitedly pressed upon 
 " him." 
 
 The rhapsodical nonsense of this woman being communicated 
 to her disciples through the medium of pictorial representations, 
 the ensuing statements will tend to show the different lijiht in 
 which the puritans were led to regard all subjects of this 
 nature. 
 
 The following votes are extracted from the Journals of the 
 Jlonse of Commons, bearing date July 23, 1645.
 
 986 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Time was lying Brothers with her well agreed, 
 Till thinking hisfollij as good as her creeds 
 He affirm'd all prediction from her did not flow. 
 For that he rank'd the Prophet in chief here below; 
 Which made our Johanna^ in wonderful dudgeon, 
 Declare that friend Brothers was but a curmudgeon : 
 When,lo ! they both split as the poles wide asunder. 
 So liar will never to liar knock under. 
 Of late, though our prophetess formerly said. 
 That she to the Saviour of Mankind was wed, 
 And with him incessantly holds converse sweet. 
 Yet the Lord is resolv'd she shall taste carnal treat, 
 
 Ordered, lliat all such pictures and statutes there (York 
 House), as are without any superstition, shall be forthwith sold, 
 for the benefit of Ireland and the North. 
 
 Ordered, that all such pictures there, as have the representa- 
 tion of the Second Person in the Trinity upon then), shall be forth- 
 with burnt. 
 
 Ordered, that all such pictures there, as have the representa- 
 tion of the Virgin Mary upon them, shall be forthwith buru .
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 287 
 
 And though past threescore is resolv'd on a wed- 
 ding. 
 That with sinful man she may now get a bed-in. 
 But straight to dismiss all this scene of sly funning, 
 This picture repellant of blasphemous cunning, 
 May truth on the minds of deluded soon break. 
 And banish such clouds of illusion opake ; 
 For with pain I must add, not to vulgar alone 
 This^^ror belongs, since some learned are prone 
 To foster these cheats, which are govern'd by spell 
 Of Satan himself — and are false as his Hell. 
 
 Here close we a topic to Science abhorrent, 
 Subduing poor bigots like o'erwhelming torrent. 
 Ah ! wou'd that the Press on such scribes now cou'd 
 
 close. 
 And doom irreligion for aye to repose ; 
 For no class of writers that sin can suborn, 
 Is worse than those fiends wlio can laugh Truth to 
 
 scorn ;
 
 288 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 For while from pure faith they mislead man below. 
 
 The spirit is tutor'd for regions of woe ; 
 
 For the wretch, uninform'd, thinks each scriptural 
 
 scrap 
 His system imbues with Salvation's strong sap. 
 True Sophist, he's govern' d by nothing but quirks. 
 No deeds but quotations in him show good works : 
 He lives to delude, and exists in delusion. 
 Then wakes after Death — to eternal confusion. 
 
 *^* The gross and impudent delusion of this woman's preg- 
 nancy seems nearly at an end. The most besotted of her fol- 
 lowers begin to be sensible of the contempt which they incur ; 
 and we suspect that sagacious and acute accoucheur, Dr. Reece, 
 by this time, wishes that the venerable virgin had lain-in time 
 enough to establish his professional talents. Whether Johanna 
 be a rank impostor, a wretched idiot, or a deplorable lunatic, 
 it is difficult to say ; but there can be no difficulty in affirming 
 that all her proselytes are fools. We understand one of her fol- 
 lowers was detected in negociating for a young Shiloh, down in 
 Wiltshire, with a poor woman who had twins. Surely Dr. 
 Reece ought to help her to a babe, to save his own credit. 
 
 4
 
 MimlUmons WBxittvsi 
 
 Tenet insanahile multos 
 
 Scribendi cacoethes, cegroque in corde senescit* 
 
 Many are bitten with an unconquerable furor for writing, which 
 takes full possession of their infatuated intellects. 
 
 Like Sportsman, large covey unlook'd for surpriz- 
 ing* 
 That shoots quite at random the game as it's rising, 
 
 I, Scribhlecumdash, at mine authors let fly; 
 All Scribes in one focus, enchaining mine eye. 
 
 u
 
 290 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 With style chaste and easy appear Rhetoricians^ 
 And cool-headed, deep thinking, Mathematicians. (u) 
 Proficients well tutor'd in Chemistry s, school, (v) 
 Practitioners vers'd in Geometry^^ rule ; 
 Agricultural writers, enhancing the worth 
 Of Husbandman's labours, and grain-yielding earthy 
 Adepts in the tillage of Gardening soils. 
 Displaying to view Horticultural toils; 
 
 (u) The small remains of Longinus sufficiently testify the 
 abilities possessed by that ancient classic writer; while Burke 
 on the Sublime and Beautiful will for ever reflect honour upon 
 his name, as a writer of the most finished and elegant style of 
 composition. The great utility of the study of mathematics is 
 too generally known to require further comment; I shall therefore- 
 content myself with naming D)'. liutton as one of the most 
 scientific labaurers in this walk of literature. 
 
 (t)) Among the various writers on chemistry Arthur Aikin 
 and Reece stand in a most conspicuous point of view ; while as 
 a geometrician no living author has exceeded the labours of 
 Keith ; and on reference to the subject of husbandry, Siiiclair 
 has written in a most perspicuous style : added to whom must be
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 29I 
 
 A Wildman, in Apiary'^ study well taught, {tv) 
 Of Buffon, the Students in Nature, well fraught ; 
 
 recorded the name of William Alton, whose research has greatly 
 facilitated the labour of gardening in all its useful and amusing 
 branches. With respect to agriculture, it may not be amiss to 
 mention the opinion of many individuals engaged in this pursuit, 
 "who very gravely affirmed, that during the fire of London plants 
 vegetated which were only known to flourish in the East Indies. 
 The belief of these persons was, that there existed but one seed 
 in nature, which produced different plants accordmg to the de- 
 gree of heat, whereby it was brought to perfection. 
 
 Pliny tells us of one Cresin, who only manured a piece of 
 ground which produced fruits in abundance, whilst his neigh- 
 bours lands were all poor and barren. In consequence of this 
 he was accused of having enchanted them; otherwise, said his ac- 
 cusers, he could not have raised such a revenue. Upon this, 
 Cresin contented hunself with producing his carts, oxen, and the 
 various implements of husbandry, together with his whole equi- 
 page of tillage in very good order, and then said to his judges — 
 Behold the Art, Magic, and Charms of Cresin ! Upon which 
 he instantly received an honourable acquittal. 
 
 U ^J
 
 292 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Mineralogist lur'd by the produce of earth; 
 To whom I'll subjoin as a subject of mirth. 
 
 Having adverted above to the subject of gardening, I cannot 
 refrain from offering the just meed of praise to the departed 
 Linneus, so universally honoured for his extensive and useful la- 
 bours ; and although not generally known, I will annex the 
 name of Cozdey, whose poem contains much original and curious 
 matter; as a specimen of which, the following lines on ths 
 virtues of the hazel-rod may not prove unentertaining. 
 
 That secret beds of metals can descry. 
 And point directly where hid treasures lie. 
 In search of golden mines an Hazel-wandy 
 The wise Diviner takes in his right handy 
 In vain, alas ! he casts his eyes about 
 To find the rich and secret mansions out. 
 Which yet, when near, shall with a force divine, 
 The top of the suspended wand incline. 
 
 Ulysses Aldrovandi, a celebrated philosopher and physician, 
 public reader of logic and botany, the Sir Hans Sloane of his 
 day in Italy, was born in the city of Bologna, in 1521 . His pas- 
 sion for natural history was so great, tliat, whilst yet a boy, he 
 
 I
 
 SCIUBBLEOMANIA. 293 
 
 Those Scribes, who by topics of Magic are taken. 
 Astrologers famous, as Bimgij or Bacon; {x) 
 
 began to make collections in the vegetable and mineral king- 
 doms, 8cc. ; and notwithstanding his income ^^ as slender, he al- 
 lowed a person (whose pursuits were in a great measure con- 
 genial with his ow n) two hundred ducats a year for the space of 
 thirty years, to make diawings of plants, fruits, 8cc. The drafts- 
 man drew and coloured many of the latter after nature, to a de- 
 gree of temptation. He made a present, during his life-time, of 
 his library to the Senate of Bologna ; which it seems had the 
 sense to appreciate the gift, for they ordered apartments to be 
 erected in the public palace, in m hich this intellectual treasure 
 was deposited with great ceremony. I'he taste and penetration 
 evinced by Aldrovandi in his favourite study could only be equalled 
 by his astonishing industry ; yet, lamentable to relate, with vir- 
 tues that ought to have ensured the friendship of the good, and 
 learning that might inflame the pride of patronage, he died in 
 great distress in his old days, in an hospital in his native city, on 
 the 10th of May, 1605. Of his writings, which are extremely 
 voluminous. Cardinal Moiitalto, the DukeofUrbino, Francis- 
 cus Morea, and Pope Clement the nilth, caused several to be 
 printed. 
 
 (?t) The literary and practical labours of the above gentle- 
 man have for a series of years been usefully employed in the
 
 294 SCK113BLEOMANIA. 
 
 While Writers on Heraldry fain wou'd explore 
 What Arms on his Shield AdairCs Father erst bore. (?/) 
 
 study of this extraordinary fly, whose proverbial industry has also 
 been considered by the oldest Greek and Roman writers. 
 
 We are told by Pliny, that one Aristomachus devoted fifty- 
 eight years of his life in raising swarms of bees, and cultivating 
 the study of the apis; and Casarius Cisi&rniensis records a very 
 miraculous tale concerning a swarm of bees, the relation being 
 as follows : he informs us " That the holy eucharist having been 
 dropped in a meadow by a priest, upon his return from visiting a 
 sick person; a swarm of bees chancing to be hard by took up 
 the blessed host, and transported it in solemn procession to their 
 hive, erecting there an altar for the same of die purest wax ; 
 where it was long afterwards discovered in that situation and 
 quite untouched," 
 
 Since the above note was penned, we are given to understand 
 that Mr. Chamhon, a very experienced physician of Paris, has 
 discovered a simple and easy manner of removing bees into 
 another hive, without the risk of being stung. It consists in hav- 
 ing the hive made with a top to open, placing it on a glass fur- 
 nished with a metallic plate, under which the smoke may be 
 safely introduced ; an empty hive must then be placed over the 
 aperture, when the smoke will force the bees to ascend into it.
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 29^ 
 
 Of Ouselei/s, each brother on Hindoos hath writ, 
 And ably descanted on language SJianscrit. 
 
 The mention of Muffon is condensing in one word the most 
 capacious delineation of Natural History that has ever yet met 
 the pubhc eye ; still, independent of the colossal productions of 
 this writer, we are not without useful authors in our own coun- 
 try, particularly on animals of the English breed, who have very 
 ably combined in their works the utile and the dulce ; witness 
 Bingley on quadrupeds and animal biography ; together with 
 Bewick, and a train of authors that are justly entitled to the plau- 
 dits they have acquired. To the above heads the present notes 
 shall annex the names of Bahirigton and Jameson, whose treatises 
 on mineralogy are among the best which have appeared in this 
 country. 
 
 (a) From the £era of James the First, who not only believed 
 most firmly in Demonology, but published a volume in support 
 of his opinions, there have appeared numerous writers to uphold 
 the principles as well as followers of these supernatural doctrines ; 
 the most conspicuous of whom, as an author of late years, is 
 Mr. Sibley, who produced Majus or the Celestial Intelligencer, 
 the work being accompanied by engravings to represent die 
 several spirits of whom he has treated. Having named this 
 gentleman, and being desirous not only to instruct but amuse, I 
 will now relate a series of anecdotes appertaining to the marvel-
 
 296 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Each duty Masonic old Preston enlarges; 
 Ma'am Lanchester writes to enhance Fashion's 
 charges; {z) 
 
 lous and the mysterious, which will, I trust, afForrf the reader 
 some portion of mental gratification. 
 
 Cornelius j4grippa, early in the sixteenth century, rendered 
 himself famous for his deep research into occult philosophy : 
 upon which science he wrote a very elaborate treatise. Agrippa 
 had a very favourite dog, which had been tutored to perform 
 many anticks at the command of his master ; upon which ac- 
 count it was affirmed that the animal was no other than a fami- 
 liar spirit, which had assumed the canine resemblance in order to 
 attend upon and obey his pleasure. Butler, in speaking of 
 Agrippa and his dog, thus ludicrously expresses himself : 
 
 Agrippa kept a Stygian Pug 
 V th' garb and habit of a Dog, 
 That was his tiitor, and the Cur 
 Read to th'occult Philosopher, 
 And taught him subtly to maintain 
 All other Sciences are vain. 
 
 The last line refers to a work wri^en by Agrippa, and en- 
 titled The Vanity of all Human Sciences. .
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 297 
 
 The lore of a Brand entertainment conveys; 
 Mad Fuseli curses the works of our clays. 
 
 During the civil wars, Charles the First being once at leisure, 
 a motion was made, by way of diversion, to have recourse to the 
 Sortes Virgiliants ; that is, to take a copy of Virgil, and either 
 promiscuously with the finger, or sticking a pin upon a verse, 
 apply the sense of the same to your own destiny. The King 
 chanced to lay his finger upon the latter end of the fourth 
 j^neid, which contains Dido's curse to ^neas. 
 
 ■ " At bello audacis popuh vexatus et armis, 
 Finibus extorris, complexu avolsus luh, 
 Auxilium imploret, videat indigna suorum 
 Funera ; nee, cum se sub leges pacis injquae 
 Tradiderit, regno aut optata luce fruatur, 
 Sed cadat ante diem, mediaque inhumatus arena !'' 
 
 This made the sport terminate in vexation, as much as it had 
 originated in merriment ; the King read the fate which followed 
 him in too many particulars, as time made manifest. He was 
 vexed ziith the conquering arms of his subjects; torn from the 
 prince his son; witnessed the deaths of most of his friends ;
 
 298 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Avoucliing that genius can never imbue man. 
 Who feels not inspir'd by a fancy — inhuman, {a) 
 
 zoould gladly have made peace upon hard terms ; neither enjoy- 
 ed his croz&n nor life long, and was beheaded on a scaffold at his 
 own threshold, and (till recently) not knozcn where buried. Upon 
 Mr. Cowley's being desired to translate these lines, not knowing 
 that the Monarch had so drawn them, lie rendered them into En- 
 glish metre, as follows : 
 
 " By a bold people's stubborn arms oppress'd, 
 Forc'd to forsake the land which he possess'd ; 
 Torn from his dearest son, let him in vain 
 Beg help, and see his friends unjustly slain ; 
 Let him to base unequal terms submit, 
 In hopes to save his Crown, yet lose both it 
 And life at once ; untimely let him die. 
 And on an open stage unburied lie !" 
 
 Lord Falkland and others of the King's staunch friends were 
 present at the time ; and this anecdote is taken from the first leaf 
 of Bishop Wilkim^s Virgil^ where it is written with his own 
 hand.
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 299 
 
 Arous'd by a Walton, and streamlet's pure flood. 
 In praises of angling proceeds Hazlewood ; 
 
 In times past famous Doctor Dee 
 Was dab at this astrology ; 
 All things past and to come could see. 
 Then there was Kelly j Jack Adams, 
 And Lillx)y famous at these j^aws. 
 
 Dr. Dee and JEdrcard Kelly are celebrated for their ca- 
 balistical researches. Jack Adams was a fortune-teller of two 
 centuries back ; and Lillys living about the same period, was 
 universally reputed for his supposed planetary knowledge. 
 This latter personage was employed by both parties during the 
 civil wars ; and even Charles the First is said to have resorted 
 to him. He gained, however, more from tlie parliament's party, 
 and the predictions contained in his almanacks produced a won- 
 derful effect on the soldiers and common people. After tlie 
 decapitation of the king he was consulted respecting his exe- 
 cutioner, whom he affirmed to be Cornet Joyce. Lilly was 
 also author of several works relating to astrology, casting nati- 
 vities, &c. &c. But, that I may still more enhance the subject 
 of this argument, I will quote a string of characters who had 
 dabbled in the occult sciences. Tacitus, though generally 
 deemed superior to superstition, was, nevertheless, a friend to
 
 300 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 While service renown'd of the navy of Britain 
 Sir Warren, great nautical chieftain, hath writ on. 
 
 this folly, as appears from the 22d chapter of the 6th book of 
 his Annals. Philip Melancthon, the great reformer, was a 
 believer in Judicial Astrology, and an interpreter of dreams. 
 Cardinals Richelieu and Mazarin were so superstitious as to 
 employ and pension one Morin, an astrologer, who also cast the 
 nativities of those two famous politicians ; and, to conclude, Sir 
 Isaac Nezcto?i once studied astrology. With respect to al- 
 manack-making Moore, whose spirit may be said to revive with 
 every fresh revolving year ; I have only to add, that to possess 
 the copi/ right of his far-famed annual prognostics would render 
 the acquisition oi fortune far beyond the reach of scepticism. 
 
 The awful veil of mystery widi which the writers concerning 
 the Elixir Vita, the Philosopher's Stone, the Rosicrucian Fra- 
 ternity, Sec. have contrived to cover their rhapsodies, has pro- 
 bably contributed more than any other circumstance to that 
 respect which the whimsical science of alchymy retains, even to 
 this day. The following anecdote, though proving nothing, has 
 had great weight with amateurs. 
 
 In 1687, a stranger, calling himself Sig. Gualdi, profited of 
 the known ease and freedom of Venice, to render himself much 
 respected and well received there. He spent hia money readily,
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. sol 
 
 A Beresford's flight Human Miseries pennM, 
 Where wit and much classical acumen blend. 
 
 but was never observed to have connection with any banker : he 
 M'as perfectly well bred, and remarkable for his sagacity and 
 powers of entertainment in conversation. Enquiries were made 
 respecting his family, and whence he came, but all ended in 
 obscurity. One day a Venetian noble, admiring Gualdi's 
 pictures, and fixing his eye on one of them, exclaimed, " Ho^y 
 is this, sir ? here is a portrait of yourself, drawn by the hand of 
 Titian! yet that artist has been dead 130 years, and you look 
 not to be more than fifty!" " Well, signior," replied the stranger, 
 " there is, I hope, no crime in resembling a portrait drawn by 
 Titian." The noble found that he had been too curious, and 
 withdrew; but, before the next morning's dawn, the stranger, 
 his pictures, goods, and domestics, had quitted Venice. — Re- 
 lated in Dr. Campbell's Hermippus Redivivus. 
 
 There is a traditionary story in the family of Cavendish, that 
 a fortune-teller prognosticated to Elizabeth of Hardzcicke, 
 Countess of Salisbury, that she would not die so long as she 
 continued to cause buildings to be erected ; in consequence of 
 which she expended a great portion of the wealth she had ob- 
 tained from her three husbands in erecting large seats at Hard- 
 wieke, Chatsworth, Bolsover, Oldcotes, and Worksop; and, at
 
 302 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 As writer he sprang, I confess, a rich mine. 
 But I trust he will never again dare design j 
 
 length, died during a hard frost, when the workmen could not 
 proceed in their employ. 
 
 It is not a little surprising that the learned Selden should have 
 stood up in defence of that most ridiculous of all laws, " The 
 Witch Act." His argument, however, is so ingenious that it 
 would tempt one to excuse the absurdity of the endeavour. 
 " The law against witches does not prove that there be any, but it 
 punishes the malice of those people that use such means to take 
 away men's lives. If one should profess, that by turning his 
 hat thrice, and crying ' Buzz,' he could take away a man's 
 life (though, in truth, he could do no such thing), yet this were 
 a just law made by the state, that, whosoever should turn his 
 hat thrice and cry ' Buzz,' with an intention to take away a 
 man's life, shall be put to death." 
 
 {]/) No science on earth conveys to its votaries a greater 
 degree of enthusiasm than that of heraldry. One instance, at 
 least, can be brought unmatched in any other. The passage is 
 taken from a scarce treatise in quarto, entitled, " The Blazon of 
 GentrieJ' (a book recommended by Peacham in his " Coni' 
 pleat Gentleman" as a book to be bought at any rate), and
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Since plate to Vol. second at once proved so poor. 
 Though scribe, he will ne'er produce caricature, (h) 
 
 runs thus — " Christ was a gentleman, as to his flesh, by the 
 part of his mother (as I have read), and might, if he had esteemed 
 of the vayne glorye of this worlde, (whereof he often sayde his 
 kingdom was not), have borne coat armour. The apostles, 
 also (as my authour telleth me), were gentlemen of blood, and 
 many of them descended from that worthy conqueror Judas 
 Mackabeus ; but, through the tract of time, and persecution of 
 wars, poverty oppressed the kindred, and they were constrained 
 to servile workes." In the same book we find the exact arms 
 properly blazoned oi Semiramis, Queen of Babylon. 
 
 A sanguine Frenchman had so high an opinion of the plea- 
 sures to be enjoyed in the study of heraldry, that he used to 
 lament, as we are informed by Menage, the hard case of our 
 forefather Adam, who could not possibly amuse himself by 
 investigating that science, nor enter into the pursuit of ge- 
 iiealogy. 
 
 {z) The above gentlemen have not only given incontestable 
 proofs of their great ability in forwarding this branch of know- 
 ledge, but also rank most conspicuous for the persevering in- 
 dustry which has marked their useful career. To Messrs.
 
 304 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 To Dibdin we owe Bibliomania's spell. 
 
 Of folly thus chiming collector's true knell ; 
 
 Thomas and William Daniel the public is alike indebted for an 
 insight as to Indian sports, through the medium of pictorial re- 
 presentations ; but it is from the labours of the late Sir IV. Jones 
 that society is most essentially benefited, whose writings con- 
 join science and mental peueliaUou which ver^ rarely fall to the 
 lot of mortality. From the pen of Mr. Preston the fraternity 
 of Free Masons have derived much wholesome information; 
 while Madame Lanchester, in order to increase the captivating 
 charms of the British fair, has exhausted her inventive fancy by 
 decorating lovely women with every costume that could conduce 
 to enhance the M'itchery of their personal qualifications. 
 
 (a) As the name of Mr. Brand has before appeared upon my 
 page, I shall merely note the titles of his productions, which 
 have afforded a considerable share of pleasure and information 
 to the admirers of general literature ; the works in question are 
 called Vulgar Errors and Popular Antiquities. Mr. Fuseli is 
 an artist who mistakes madness for genius, as every rational 
 judge must pronounce upon reference to his productions as a 
 painter. As an author he certainly does not shine; and the 
 absurdity of his writing against the works of Galtzius, and the 
 artist sirnamed Potatoe Sprangius, on account of his manner
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 305 
 
 Than whom none so fam'd can my couplets enroll 
 As Sir Egej^ton Brydges, staunch maniac soul. 
 
 of painting the muscles of the human body, is rendered ridi- 
 culously glaring when this gentleman himself is always endeavour- 
 ing to imitate the styles of these two painters. I shall dismiss 
 Mr. Fiiseli with acquainting the reader, that when he is desirous 
 of committing the terrific to canvass, he always, on tlie pre- 
 ceding night, eats a supper oflf pork steaks, nearly raw, that the 
 horror of his dreams, from the effect of indigestion, may enable 
 him to depict scenes which never before met the human eye. 
 Having said so much of the last artist, it may not be amiss to 
 note Mr. Carejt/s strictures on painting, which display this 
 gentleman's complete knowledge of the topic he has handled. 
 
 {h) Mr. Hazhwood has most agreeably annotated the amusing 
 pages of old Walton, \vhich can never be perused but Avith 
 sensations of delight. Sir J. JVarren's strictures on the navy 
 of Great Britain are the fruits of his intimate acquaintance with 
 every thing that appertains to the subject which his pages are 
 intended to delineate. The Miseries of Human Life are a most 
 pleasing effort of the author, who combines classical taste with 
 a happy vein of irony ; it is, however, much to be regrettetl, 
 that Mr. Beresford should have attempted his powers at design 
 which are the very reverse of his literary acquirements. 
 
 X
 
 306 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Who resolv'd cacoethes afar shall be flying. 
 From the press ev'ry month was old lore multiplying. 
 A Douce, staid collector, on Fools hath enlarged, 
 And his task, as a writer, with honour discharg'd. (c) 
 And Mavor continues, with toil unconfined. 
 Instruction to shed o'er the just opening mind. 
 Piozzi supports her Synonymy still j 
 While, among other scribes, who have wielded the 
 quill, 
 
 (c) This volume from the pen of Mr. Dibdin is not only 
 made the vehicle of good natured raillery, but contains a fund 
 of wholesome literary information ; it commanded a very ex- 
 tensive sale, and the large paper copies are now extremely 
 valuable. Sir Egertoti Bri/dges is one of those determined 
 sticklers for ancient lore, who, not content with such samples 
 as remain, is constantly employed in reprinting, verbatim, the 
 most rare specimens of the typographical art. Mr. Douce's 
 volumes on the fools and jesters of remote periods are highly 
 creditable to his research as a lover of antiquarian literature* 
 while he has, in many instances, afforded very useful illustra- 
 tions of the text of our inimitable Shakspeare.
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. SOY 
 
 Ma'am Serves condemns all aspirers to pot, 
 That prate of a .Junius ; since uncle IViUmot 
 Ranks scribe of each letter, she dares pledge her 
 
 word, 
 As sure as not one came from Kin^ Geor<i:e the 
 
 Third (d). 
 
 (r/) The volumes of Mmor are very numerous, and by no 
 means divested of that utility whicii they were intended to con- 
 fer on the rising generation. The work upon Synonymy, pro- 
 duced from the pen of Mrs. Piozzi^ possesses many clever 
 points, and may be classed with the best productions of tliis 
 nature. As for the disputations respecting the real author of 
 Junius's Letters, the public has of late been so inundated with 
 strictures upon the subject, which have afforded no certain clue, 
 that after all that has been said, the mystery remains as inexplica- 
 ble as ever. I cannot refrain from annexing a ludicrous anecdote 
 to which the above line refers, and is stated to have come from 
 the lips of the noted Mrs. Clarke. It is said that during the visit 
 of acertain royal personage to this lady, he requested to know 
 whether or not she had perused Junius, adding, that a great 
 mystery hung over the real composer of those elegantly written 
 epistles; Mrs. C. in reply slated that she had perused them 
 with delight, but that the author was not known to any one. 
 The great personage then made answer, " You are mistaken, I 
 
 X 2
 
 308 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Of Pali-Mall old Gardiner, whose dirt rank'd his 
 
 god-o ! 
 Sometimes us'd the press : who as strange as 
 
 Monboddo, 
 That once held opinion, men, erst like the brute, 
 Had tails, and with all fours proceeded en route ; 
 So he — while determin'd on earth beast to vie, 
 In room just existed like a pig in a stye. 
 By Darivm allur'd, many scribes prove gallants. 
 And pay their devoirs to sweet misses, the plants (e). 
 
 know the writer, and will let you into the secret;" when, witli 
 a very grave face, Mary Anne was given to understand that the 
 unknown writer of Jiatius's Letters zms no other than his otcu 
 august father ; which information the lady was enjoined to keep 
 a dead secret from all the world. 
 
 (e) The late eccentric Mr. Gardiner was by no means 
 divested of a literary talent at retort ; his peculiar predilection 
 however for dirt, and consequent hatred of a besom, rendered 
 the result of a visit to his shop rather dangerous. The late 
 Lord Monboddo, who cherished many singular notions, has told 
 us in his works, tliat men originally had tails like monkeys, whicii
 
 SCUIBBLEOMANIA. 309 
 
 On Cooking some court of Apicius the muse ; (fj 
 Sage Crispins must publish for dames to make shoes. 
 
 forcibly brings to mind Swift's honourable representation of the 
 human race under the title of Yahoos. Darwin's Loves of the 
 Plants is pleasingly written, and speaks the writer to have 
 possessed a most inventive and playfid genius. 
 
 (f) Since the period of Mrs. Glass, of culinary renown, many 
 works on cookery have issued from the press to tantalize and satiate 
 the Epicurean palate. With respect to shoemaking, every dame of 
 quality is now acquainted with the bristle, wax end, awl, and the 
 last: that the ladies, however, may form some judgment of the 
 diflference in opinion as to this now fashionable employment, I 
 have to request their perusal of the ensuing statement. 
 
 A writer on the customs of Spain, as they were but a few 
 years ago, says that parents who had a regard to the respect- 
 ability of their olFspriug would as soon bring up their son to 
 the occupation of a hangman as apprentice him to the trade of 
 a shoemaker. This is amongst the occupations which an old 
 Spaniard calls dishonest, and by which he would as effectually 
 pollute his blood, as an Indian would forfeit his cast by eating 
 hog's flesh out of the unclean platter of a Portuguese. To be 
 a mender of shoes, or in vulgar phrase a cobbler, is no degradation 
 to a Spaniard's dignity ; but to be a maker of them in the first
 
 310 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Long strictures on velvet designs gives a Toume ; 
 Wliile leaving to ages unborn the renown 
 Of wond'rous Mnemonics, a volume I've seen, 
 Wliicli states that our thoughts, when by art render'd 
 
 keen, 
 Not only to mem'ry can actions recall. 
 But note down what never existed at all : 
 Of satirists able but few now are seen. 
 Abuse is retail'd for just sarcasm keen j 
 While crowds may be rated of mungrels that bark, 
 Who libel and lie, dastard knaves, in the dark ; 
 And fearless with rancour e'er virtue assail, («) 
 Nor halt till chief justice condemns them to jail. 
 
 instance is corrupt and vile, and such an artisan cannot consort 
 or intemiarry with the persons that are uncontaminated with any 
 thing but poverty and vermin. 
 
 (g) Mr. Towne, whose name stands recorded as the in- 
 structor of Mary j4nne Clarke in this branch of fashionable 
 education, has absolutely made the press subservient to his pui- 
 poses, in holding forth a frippery art of this nature as an ac- 
 quirement of the most essential consequence to ladies of refined
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANTA. 31 1 
 
 Some samples we boast of the ludicrous school. 
 In Hamlet Travesty shines ably a Poole. (I/) 
 At Parnass the great and the small wet tlieir whistles, 
 Enroll 'd public scribblers by printing epistles ; (?) 
 
 education. The short-lived reign of this new system, tending to 
 elongate the memory, is a convincing proof of its inefficacy 
 when put into practice in order to answer any purpose of ex- 
 tensive and real importance. Satire is much easier talked of 
 than really defined ; we have very few writers ^^ ho comprehend 
 its meaning, since that which is most frequently denominated 
 satire in the present day is little removed from scurrility and 
 abuse, and not unfrequently downright libel. 
 
 (h) Hamlet Travesty, by Mr. Poole, is one of the best 
 works of this class now extant in the English language. The 
 Bombastes Furioso of Rhodes possesses great merit; and Si/titax's 
 Tour, from the pen of Doctor Coombe, can never fail to repay 
 the reader for an attentive perusal : of this last-mentioned gentle- 
 man many other works are before the public, which he scru- 
 pulously conceals as being emanations from his prolific talent. 
 
 {i) Of epistolary writers the late Ladj/ Man/ U ortlei/ 
 Montague has justly acquired fame for the information her 
 letters contain, and the easy stile of composition in which they 
 are endited. Of Junius it would be needless to oftVr a word on 
 the score of panegyric. With respect to the posthumous works
 
 312 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 And as for translators we boast 'em in legions. 
 Retailers of works from all climates and regions j (^•) 
 
 of Miss Ann Seward, they are pedantic and inflated in the ex- 
 treme. Independently of these, as writers of epistles that have 
 been published, we might even note down the Prince Jtegent, Duke 
 of York, 8cc. &c.: one letter, however, shall, for its singularity, 
 be subjoined, with which I will close the subject under review. 
 
 The following is an exact copy, verbatim et literatim, of an 
 epistle sent, in 1804, from a poor woman in Scotland to the 
 Emperor Alexander : 
 
 " Unto the Most Excellant Alexander Emprore of that Grat 
 Dominion of Russia, and the Teratorys the Unto Belonging, 
 &c. &. Sc. 
 
 " Your Most Humble Servant ^lost Humbly beges your 
 Most Gratious Pardon for my Boldness in aprotching your 
 Most Dreed Sovring for Your Clemeiicy at this Time. 
 
 " My Sovring the Candour of this Freedom is on the account 
 of Your Sovrings Goodness in the Serving and Inlarging of My 
 Son, whose Name is John Duncan, aged 26 years, who was on 
 a Premce, who was prisioner with Robert Spittle his Master 
 Captaen of the Han, Spittle of Alloa at the Time of the British 
 Embargo in Your Sovring's Dominions in Russia, who is the 
 only Seport of me his Mother and Besaid I have no other freend
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. ?. 1 3 
 
 In short, on miscellanies more to cnlarfre 
 Would mole-hill of sense with huge mountains sur- 
 charge ; 
 
 for My Seport and on the account of Your Gratious Benevall- 
 ence Be Pleased to axcept of this smal present from your Ever 
 Well-wissher whilst I have Breath. 
 
 " The small Present is Three Pairs of Stockings for Going 
 on when Your Sovring Gos out a Hunting I would a have sent 
 Your Sovring silk Stockings if that My Son Could Go in serch 
 for it, but the press being so hot at this Time that he cannot not 
 go for fear of being pressed. 
 
 " if your Sovrin w ill be Pleased to axcept of this and faveour 
 me with an ansuer of this by the Bearer and lett nie kno what 
 Tamely of children your Sovring has I will send Stockings for 
 them for the Winter before Winter Comes on, as also w hat Sons 
 and what Daughters you might have." 
 
 " Most Dreed Sovring I am your Most Obedt. & Humble 
 Servant Till Death. 
 
 Elizcabeth Wilcox." 
 St Neunsons by Sterling April 2d iSOl- 
 
 " Please to Derect to Me to the Care of Robert Raunce in 
 St. Neunsons by Sterling" 
 
 The above production does not stand in need of any coiimient^
 
 314 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Of lumber repellant to plain comprehension. 
 The field so well fitted for folly's extension ; 
 
 but the reader may be gratified in knowing tliat the ilkistrious 
 personage so addressed ordered Elizabeth JVi/cox a remittance 
 of c£i()0, Avhich was paid to her by the Russian minister in 
 London. Unfortunately some interfering literary character took 
 upon himself to correct her second letter to the emperor, thank- 
 ing him for the money, whereby it was divested of that originality, 
 the loss of which is greatly to be regretted. 
 
 (k) Among the voluminous translations that bave appeared, 
 the following productions are particularly worthy to be recorded, 
 namely, the lucubrations of Bernardin de St. Pierre, Zimmer- 
 man, and the Hejiections of Sturm : the Agathon of Wieland 
 also possesses great merit, to which we may subjoin the effusions 
 of Mesdamcs Stael and Genlis, together with Figaidt le Brun, 
 whose attempts at the ludicrous have never yet failed of procur- 
 ing him success. Some short time back it was expected that a 
 very elaborate poem, on the subject of Charlemagne* , would 
 have issued from the British press, concerning a translation of 
 which the diurnal papers regularly teemed. To prove, however, 
 how far such assertions were correct, the writer of the present 
 note subjoins a letter written in reply to one forwarded to L. 
 Bonaparte by a gentleman desirous of undertaking the trans- 
 lation, which will sufficiently demonstrate how far any credit is 
 to be placed on the statements made in the London newspapers. 
 
 * Since this note ^ras written tlic work has appeared, accompanied by a 
 lran?lalion.
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 315 
 
 Since each rank is bit with the rage for enditing, (/) 
 As if some Jennericm iwus for writing 
 
 Sir, Thorngrove, wear Worcester, Oct. 28, 1811. 
 
 Before he had received your letter, M. Lucien Bona- 
 parte was acquainted with your name, and some of your very 
 valuable literary productions ; he has not as yet made up his 
 mind about a translation of his poem, the publisher of which 
 will be M. Miller of Albemarle-street, and he will be intrusted 
 with the care of any thing belonging to the translation of it, if 
 any is ever made with the author's approbation. It was through 
 lAie public papers we heard for the Jirst time oi the proposed 
 translation tliey have so much, and without our knowledge, 
 spoken of. 
 
 I liave the honour to be. Sir, 
 
 Your most obedient humble servant, 
 (Signed) L'Ab.,Charpentier. 
 
 As the following anecdotes applying to the subject of trans- 
 lation may not prove uninteresting, I shall attach the same to 
 the present annotation, in the hope that they may afford a portion 
 of amusement to some of my readers. 
 
 A Mr, Thomas Cockman, who translated a favourite work of 
 Cicero, would have done better had he rendered the word 
 *' officio" duties in lieu of offices, as he has done. He further 
 proceeds to illustrate one of Tullys Maxims, by tlic familiar 
 and modern idea of " cloppiug a pistol to such a man's breast!"
 
 316 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Had brought into vogue this disease thro' the nation. 
 And parliament sanctioned such inoculation : 
 
 Yet in spite of this anachronism, and a general meanness prevalent 
 throughout the style, the work has run through several editions ; 
 and Creech, in his version of Theocritus, introduces the names 
 of Tom, Will, Dick, and of one Wolf, into the same Idijll with 
 Thynicus, Cunisca, &c. &c. 
 
 It is not, however, in England alone that bad translators are 
 upon record : we read of a French student who translating from 
 the New Testament " Erat homo qui hahchat manum aridam," 
 " Ily eut un homme qui avait une mechante haridelle." "Tliat 
 mechante haridelle," said his preceptor, " must serve to trans- 
 port you from the regions of Latin science." Manum aridam 
 means a withered hand; but may be translated a zeorn out 
 hackney, which latter construction was put upon it by the 
 student. 
 
 Doctor's Commons, Monday, noon. 
 Dr. Ducarel, with his compliments to Dr. Birch, leaves this 
 note to acquaint him with the following anecdote of Dr. Ward, 
 which he had yesterday of Mr. Gawler, schoolmaster at Lam- 
 beth, late one of professor Ward's pupils ; viz. That the said 
 Dr. Ward was the author of the dedication, preface, notes at 
 the end, punctuation, he. &c. in Pine's Horace; and that Pine, 
 though he had a large subscription to that work, gave Dr. Ward,
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 31? 
 
 So humbly entreating the pardon of those 
 Whose names unrecorded I doom to repose ; 
 
 for all his pains, only the mean present of tzvo copies thereof. 
 Mr. Gawler had this information from Dr, Ward's own mouth. 
 
 Pope Sixtus IV., although he increased the Vatican collection 
 with many valuable MSS., and encouraged the historian Platina 
 by making him its librarian, had yet very little taste for learning 
 and science, which the following story will sufficiently testify : 
 Theodore Gaza, one of those literati who had fled from the 
 barbarous conquerors of Constantinople, presented Pope Sixtus 
 a translation of Cicero'' s works into the Greek lansjuase: the 
 Pope, who having been a Cordelier full fifty years, enjoyed more 
 pleasure from the questions of a Duns Scot us than the effusions 
 of Tully, received the books coldly, cast them carelessly into a 
 corner, and then ordered his chamberlain to give the author a sum 
 by way of remuneration, which scarcely reimbursed him for the 
 money he had expended in purchasing the parchment whereon 
 his work was written. " Fool that I was," exclaimed the Greek 
 in his own tongue, " to think that such an ass had a relish for 
 any other food than tliistles!" Luckily for tiie proverbialist, 
 the good Pope knew nothing of the Greek language. 
 
 (/) I shall now w ind up my annotations with some specimens 
 of the puff direct, which are so common in this land of trade and 
 universal speculation.
 
 318 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Since I feel that with scribes nought on earth can so 
 
 grieve 'em, 
 As thus in a darkness Cimmerian to leave 'em ; 
 
 I. 
 
 A noted shop for boots and shoes, 
 You'll find by Soho Square : — 
 
 Perhaps no workman in the Trade 
 
 Will parallel their wear. 
 
 II. 
 
 In substance, texture, solid worth, 
 With no common art combined; — 
 
 Search Oxford Street from end to end, 
 Their match I query if you'll find. 
 
 III. 
 
 I do not deal in common stuff, 
 Nor live by false deceit ; — 
 
 I'd sooner lose my cash than name. 
 
 And to be call'd a Cheat ! 
 
 IV. 
 
 In OxFOKi) StrTeet, at 4 and I, 
 And please to add 9 more, 
 
 You there will see a pair of Boots 
 
 As ne'er was seen before.
 
 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 319 
 
 My strain thus I terminate, trusting their fury 
 To Nick will not hurl me without judge or jury: 
 
 V. 
 
 The Battle-Boots, — the Stage-Boots, — 
 And Boots to walk and ride in, — 
 
 I strive all others to excel. 
 
 There lays my greatest pride in. 
 
 VI. 
 
 For no))le legs, and gentle legs, 
 
 And legs of all dimensions, 
 
 A single pair will best shew proof 
 Of S. SMITH'S just pretensions. 
 
 BLACKING. — A Complete Victory obtained over all 
 Blacking Makers ! ! !— The brilliant WELLINGTON ! which 
 far out-rivals all other that was ever offered to the Public ! and 
 there never was such a bright polish given to the world, as that 
 produced by this incomparable Blacking. It is not only water- 
 proof, but also bullet proof. — It has likewise a tendency to 
 brighten the understandiiNGs of men. 
 
 Take Notice. — This choice Recipe was found among other 
 valuable papers at the fall of St. Sebastian, and this wonderful 
 Composition is now offered to the Public, in Pint Bottles Is. 6d. 
 each; and to the Navy, and Army, Duty Free. — Warranted full 
 to the bung, and to keep in all climates. — To be had only at T. 
 COLE's Repository, No. 14, Broad Street, Portsmouth.
 
 320 SCRIBBLEOMANIA. 
 
 Their praise is my due, not their censure I swear. 
 By silence the lash of correction I spare ; 
 Yet brief let me be, since 'tis order'd by fate, 
 I calmly must welcome the rancour of hate ; 
 Since rather than pander-like cringe for applause, 
 I wou'd brave persecution in rectitude's cause : 
 My motto concise is — " That truth knows no fear," 
 While praise earn'd without it is purchas'd too dear. 
 
 TJie Don Cossacks. 
 When these heroes arrived in town, and were apprised of our 
 liberal subscriptions for the rehef of the suffering Russians, their 
 iron countenances were bedewed with tears of gratitude. Ob- 
 serving a number of persons crowding into No. 9, Charing Cross, 
 and being informed that it arose from the eagerness of the public 
 to secure their fortunes in the state lottery, they instantly sent 
 for two tickets, resolving to add their prizes to the above-men- 
 tioned subscriptions. When told that every ticket would be 
 drawn a prize on the 6th of May, they exclaimed— Hurrah ! 
 Bish for ever ! ! 
 
 THE END. 
 
 T. DAVISON, Lombard -street, 
 Whitefriars, Loi}Uoii.
 
 INDEX. 
 
 Aberxethy .... 
 
 Adage, the Greek 
 
 Adams, (Jack), a fortune-teller 
 
 Addison and Steele, their chaste and easy style 
 
 Advocate of Strasbourg, anecdote of . 
 
 Agricultural writers 
 
 Agrippa (Cornelius), his Stygian pug 
 
 Aiken, (Mr. Edward), an architect 
 
 Aikin (Arthur), a writer on chemistry 
 
 Alton (William) on gardening 
 
 Aldrovandi, the Hans Sloane of Italy 
 
 Alexander on his death-bed 
 
 Allingham (Mr.), his dramatic productions 
 
 Anacreon Moore 
 
 his style, point, and metre, his 
 
 Andrews (^liles Peter), the late 
 Antiquarians, a race of maniacs 
 
 ■ whole body of. gulled 
 
 Antique ring, a very valuable 
 
 modern, a substitute for 
 
 Apuleius .... 
 
 Architecturalists 
 
 Aretin (Peter), the famous, anecdote of 
 
 Argumentum baculinum 
 
 Aristomachus, anecdote of, by Pliny 
 
 Aristophanes 
 
 Armstrong, the mental energy of 
 
 Ass, an, relishes no food but thistles 
 
 — the, a pattern of wisdom 
 
 — a prayer to, heard 
 
 — a hymn relative to 
 
 il6. 
 
 Pagk 
 21() 
 
 .•14 
 
 299 
 11 
 
 261 
 
 290 
 296 
 
 224 
 290 
 291 
 292, 293 
 217 
 127 
 
 29 
 
 28 
 
 130 
 
 9 
 
 isg, 190 
 
 192 
 
 ib. 
 110 
 221 
 104 
 
 92 
 294 
 110 
 
 20 
 
 317 
 
 82 
 
 84 
 
 85, 8(5
 
 322 
 
 INDEX. 
 
 Ass's festival at Beauvais 7 
 
 Asses, the praise of . 
 
 Astrologers, famous 
 
 Athenian oracle, conceit of the authors of 
 
 Author modern, quotation from 
 
 Page 
 
 84 
 
 83 
 
 293 
 
 0,7 
 
 B. 
 
 Babington and Jameson, on mineralogy . . 2p5 
 Bacon, Locke, and Newton, their science . . II 
 Bacon (Dr.), anecdote of ... . 2/5 
 Baillie on morbid anatomy . . . 2l6 
 Balaam's Ass gifted witli speech ... 82 
 Ballantine and Bulmer's types, effects of . . 4 
 Barrymore ihe comedian . . . 104 
 Baron^, The Old English, simplicity in the style of . 138 
 Bate (Dudley) ..... 104 
 threatens Anthony Pasquin with a horse- 
 whipping . ... ib. 
 Bate (Baronet), the true herald of trash . . 120 
 Baudara, a cobbler of Lisbon, happy turn of liis pi-edictions 284 
 Baviad, legal proceedings against Venders of the, quashed 
 
 by the Judge . . . .103 
 
 Beards and mustachios, dissertation on . . 21/ 
 
 Beaumont and Fletcher . . . .1X6 
 
 Bell on Anatomy ..... 2l6 
 
 Bennet (Mrs.), her Beggar Girl . . . l64 
 
 Ghost of my Father . . ib. 
 
 Beresford (INIr.) ..... 305 
 
 Bernardin St. Pierre recommended . . .314 
 
 Bigland (Mr.), his Gloucestershire . . .186 
 
 Bingiey and Bewick, on quadrupeds . . . 295 
 
 Biographer, leaden ..... 8 
 
 Biographers . . . • • .194 
 
 Bish, his dull prosing . . . . 40 
 
 Bishop (Mr.), his Feast of Oronzo . . . 129 
 
 character of . . . .130 
 
 Black letter translations, account of . .135
 
 JNDEX. 
 
 323 
 
 Blacking, a choice recipe for making 
 Blazon of Gentrie, the, a scarce book ia quarto 
 Blind man of Paris made a vehicle for slander 
 Bloomfield .... 
 
 rapid sale of his Farmer's Boy 
 
 subsequent labours of, fall short 
 
 IMr, Nathan 
 
 Boaden, author of FontainviUe Forest 
 
 Bonaparte, L, letter written ft-om 
 
 Bond, a young student in architecture 
 
 Bookseller's bargain, a complete 
 
 Brand (Mr.), on vulgar errors and antiquities 
 
 Miss Hannah 
 
 Brandy, inefficacy of 
 
 Bree on the chest 
 
 Brewer (George), his literary character 
 
 author of Siamese Tales 
 
 his Essays in Goldsmith's styl 
 
 Brewer (Mr. N.), a respectable writer 
 Bribe offered to Lord Sidmouth 
 Brienne, de, Cardinal, made a Richelieu 
 Brissot, the Gallic Cato 
 Britton (Mr.), honourable mention of 
 
 his catalogue of pictures 
 
 Brothers, a lying prophet 
 
 Brougham and VMiitbread 
 
 Bruce (Mr.), his veracity unjustly accused 
 
 Brydges (Sir Egerton) 
 
 Buffon on nature 
 
 Burdett ( Master Franky) 
 
 . — supposed munificence of 
 
 Burgoyne (General), his specimens of genteel comedy 
 
 Burney (Miss), autlior of Evelina 
 
 Burns . . . • 
 
 Burton on going to law 
 
 Burton's Anatomy of Melancholy 
 
 Busby (Dr.), his egotism and his puMications 
 
 Butler and Shepherd, honoured by the writer 
 
 130 
 
 291 
 
 Page 
 
 319 
 
 302 
 
 235 
 
 43 
 
 44 
 
 ib. 
 
 44 
 
 130 
 
 314 
 
 224 
 
 67 
 304 
 125 
 
 95 
 216 
 128 
 166 
 
 ib. 
 , 151 
 
 94 
 
 50 
 
 ib. 
 184 
 242 
 2S6 
 232 
 176 
 305 
 295 
 210 
 
 ib. 
 115 
 155 
 
 33 
 261 
 21s 
 220 
 257
 
 324 
 
 INDEX. 
 
 Butler, a satirist unique 
 Byron (Lord) 
 
 a Parnassian peer 
 
 ■ his Childe Harold censured 
 
 considered as a Didactic writer 
 
 — advice to 
 
 C. 
 
 Page 
 11 
 
 68 
 ib. 
 
 69 
 70 
 ib. 
 
 Caesar, a .... . 
 
 Caloiine made a Sully 
 
 Campbell ..... 
 
 — — his Pleasures of Hope 
 
 Caniscus upon friendship 
 
 Canning (Mr.), no inconsiderable figure 
 
 Carmen Iriumphale 
 
 Dritannicum or Song of Britain 
 
 Carnot the living Vauban 
 Carr (Sir John), travels of 
 Cartwright, the hoary 
 Carey (Mr.), his strictures on painting- 
 Castle reagh (Lord) .... 
 Catalogue-makers .... 
 Caulfield (Mr.), his Chaleographiana, a mere reprint 
 Cavendish family, a traditionary story of 
 Chambers, her School for Friends 
 Chambon (Mr.), his siinple and easy way of removing bees 
 Champion, the Sunday 
 Chancellor Thurlow, the deceased 
 his chief amusements in his old age 
 
 110 
 50 
 35 
 36 
 229 
 213 
 24 
 72 
 51 
 178 
 212 
 305 
 213 
 9- 214 
 243 
 301 
 125 
 294 
 100 
 74 
 ib. 
 Charlemagne, a poem , . . 314, 315 
 
 •— and his twelve peers, account of a visit by, 
 
 to an Emperor Hugo . , . 136 
 
 Charles the First and the Sories Virgilimice . . 297 
 
 '■■ — till recently not known, where buried 2g8 
 
 Chatterton gifted with inspiration ... 40 
 
 Chevy Chace, a promising poem founded on .196 
 
 Children of Thespis, poem of the, dedicated to Governor 
 
 Hastings ..... 102
 
 INDEX. 
 
 325 
 
 Chorus a, in Euripides, a spirited translation of 
 
 Christian faith, the pure, never so much opposed as 
 present 
 
 Christ and his Apostles, gentlemen of blood 
 
 Christianity, expounders of 
 
 Beauties of, by Chateaubriand 
 
 Clap-trap system, the 
 
 Clara Reeve .... 
 
 Clarke ( Mary Ann ) , the Pandora of pamphleteers 
 
 (Mrs.), noted, and Junius, anecdote of 
 
 Cloyne (Bishop), on Roman Causeways 
 
 Cobb and Hoare, vehicles of harmony 
 
 Cobbett (^Ir.), his register 
 
 a hocus pocus writer . 
 
 Cockman (Mr. Thomas), his mistranslations 
 
 Coleridge ..... 
 
 warned by Sir Noodle 
 
 Colman, intuitive wit of . , . 
 
 his humorous tales ... 
 
 Colote, some fragments of . 
 
 Commentators on ancient lore 
 
 Commons, House of, extracts from the journals of 
 
 Composition curious, in praise of the Jack Ass tribe 
 
 Cooke (F. George), anecdotes of 
 
 Coombe (Dr.), his Syntax's Tour 
 
 Cornish man, deeds of the 
 
 Cossacks, the Don, purchase lottery tickets 
 
 Cottage Girl, tlie .... 
 
 Cowley, ills translation of Sortes Virgilianee 
 
 Cow per ..... 
 
 Coxe (Mr. ). his accounts of the Kings of Spain 
 
 Creech's Theocritus, vulgarisms in 
 
 Cresin, anecdote of, related Ijy Pliny . 
 
 Cromek (Mr.), publishes the remains of Burns 
 
 Cunibeiland . ... 
 
 Life of . . . 
 
 versatile powers of 
 
 1- character of his novels . 
 
 Page 
 15 
 
 at 
 
 270 
 
 303 
 
 265 
 
 ib. 
 
 124 
 
 35. 139 
 
 232 
 
 307, 308 
 
 184 
 
 119 
 
 212 
 
 ib. 
 
 313 
 
 74 
 
 76 
 
 115 
 
 116 
 
 229 
 
 226 
 
 285 
 
 €7 
 201 
 311 
 
 94 
 
 320 
 
 44 
 
 297 
 30 
 
 197 
 316 
 291 
 
 39 
 111 
 
 55 
 113, 114 
 160
 
 326 
 
 INDEX. 
 
 Curtis (Mr.), his character as an author 
 Curse of Kehama, extravaganza of 
 
 Page 
 
 147 
 
 22 
 
 D. 
 
 Dallas (Mr.), author of Aubrey . . .167 
 
 Dambergher, an imaginary traveller . . 173, 174 
 
 Dananation of Ruvomishma, a poem in the style of Southey 22 
 
 304 
 
 50 
 
 308 
 
 290 
 
 249 
 
 233, 234 
 
 206, 207 
 
 48 
 
 260 
 
 295 
 
 114 
 
 304 
 
 242 
 
 124 
 
 111 
 
 ib. 
 
 9 
 
 306 
 
 ib. 
 
 109 
 
 9 
 
 Daniel (Thomas, and William), their Indian Sports 
 
 Danton, a TuUius 
 
 Darwin (Dr.) 
 
 Dee (Dr.), and Edward Kelly, cabbalists 
 
 De Foe, his opinions of women 
 
 Delicate investigation, the . 
 
 Delineation Hudibrastic 
 
 Delia Cruscan style, flimsy 
 
 Delolme, our rights understood by 
 
 Demonology believed in by James I. 
 
 Dibdin, musical flight of 
 
 — his Bibliomania 
 
 list of Earl Spencer's classical library 
 
 Dibdins, the two younger, their industry 
 Didactic narratives of Fielding 
 
 — ■ Smollet and Goldsmith 
 
 Doctors, musical .... 
 
 Douce (Mr.), on Fools and Jesters of remote periods 
 
 ■ ■■ discharged his task with honour 
 
 Dramatists ..... 
 
 " '■ vapid .... 
 
 Dramatic effusions of Foote, Murphy, Colman, Macldin 
 
 and Cumberland, their use to posterity 
 Dryden, a sublime poet 
 Ducarel (Dr.), note from, to Dr. Birch 
 Dugdale (Sir William), his acumen 
 D'Urfey (Tom), lines ascribed to 
 Duppa's account of Michael Angelo 
 
 ■ • ■ a valuable piece 
 
 111 
 
 11 
 
 316 
 
 183 
 
 61 
 
 197 
 ib.
 
 INDEX. 
 
 327 
 
 E. 
 
 Edgevvorth (Miss), her Leonora and Popular Tales 
 Editors of Reviews 
 Edmund Ironsides, by West 
 Education new, pretenders to 
 writers upon 
 
 Pace 
 
 163 
 
 3 
 
 125 
 
 8 
 
 251 
 
 11 
 
 23 
 
 229 
 
 English worksj standards of style 
 
 Epic consigned for months to the chest 
 
 Epicurus, second book of, upon nature 
 
 Epistle from a poor woman in Scotland to the Emperor 
 
 Alexander . . . 312,313 
 
 Erasmus a convert toMore's sentiments of female education 254 
 
 corresponds with his daughter . . 255 
 
 Erin's Rauga Saga ..... 64 
 
 Erskine (Mr.) ..... 203 
 
 Erugo, a statue ..... 192 
 
 F. 
 
 False signature, Reviewers deceived by one 
 
 Fame's trumpet, how blown 
 
 Farley (Mr.), not surpassed in his vocation 
 
 Farmer's Boy, the^ compared with Thomson's 
 
 Farre .... 
 
 Father de Aranas, his book at Pampeluna 
 
 Faustus (Doctor), copy of, ordered 
 
 Fayette (La), compared with Washington 
 
 Female tuition, striking instance of the }) 
 
 Fielding .... 
 
 Fisher Boy, the 
 
 Flindal, his production replete with errors 
 
 Flodden Field 
 
 Fly, an extraordinary . • 
 
 Foote .... 
 
 Fortress with three bulwarks, a work compared 
 
 Fox (Mr.), his annals of the Stuart family 
 
 lines by . 
 
 Seasons 
 
 erfection of 
 
 to 
 
 3 
 
 14 
 129 
 
 45 
 2l6 
 
 26 
 155 
 
 50 
 253 
 111 
 
 44 
 242 
 
 53 
 294 
 216 
 
 26 
 
 193 
 lb.
 
 328 
 
 INDEX. 
 
 Page 
 
 French flattery, egregious specimens of . .50 
 
 nobleman, a young, anecdote of by Menage . 229 
 
 Fuseli (Mr.), mistakes madness for genius . 304, 305 
 
 G. 
 
 Gab, gift of the, whence derived . . 136, 137 
 
 Galienus restored, a Romance, little known . . 135 
 
 Gardiner, the late (Mr.), of Pall-Mall . ISl, 308 
 
 his predilection for dirt . ib. 
 
 Gawler (Mr.) . . . . .316 
 
 Gaza, Theodore, and Pope Sixtus, anecdote of . 317 
 Gentleman's Magazine, its mass of curious information 185 
 Gilpin (Mr.), works of .... 179 
 GifFord (Mr.), his life of Pitt, written with a masterly hand 200 
 
 Glass (Mrs.), has produced many writers . . 30.9 
 
 Godwin (Mr.), a romance writer . . .146 
 
 his dull Life of Chaucer . . 200 
 
 Memoirs of Mary Woolstoncraft . ib. 
 
 Golden sera of poets and authors, no more . 25 
 
 Goldsmith . . . . . .Ill 
 
 his pathos . . . . .11 
 
 Gough (Mr.), his Camden's Britannia . . I87 
 
 Granger (Mr.), his biographical sketches . , 203 
 
 Greek Hre, a genuine receipt for . . . 229 
 
 Gregory (Dr.), his Legacy to his Daughters . 256 
 
 (Mr.), pure in his system of practice . 256 
 
 Gualdi (Signor), singular history of . . 300, 301 
 
 H. 
 
 Hague (Mr. Thomas) 
 
 Hamilton (Lady) unmerited neglect of 
 
 Hazlewood (Mr) 
 
 Helme (Mrs.\ her productions praised 
 
 Henriot compared with Eugene 
 
 Henry H, a play by young Ireland 
 
 Heraldry, writers on . . 
 
 232 
 201 
 305 
 149 
 50 
 122 
 294
 
 INDEX. 
 
 329 
 
 Page 
 Hill (Mr.), Editor of the Monthly Mirror . . 106 
 
 ■ his origin, tlie Sunday Champion . ib. 
 
 Historian, mind of, obscured .... 8 
 
 Hogan (Major), his pamphlet written by Peter Finnerty 233, 234 
 Holcroft (Mr.), his Anna St. Ives, pedantic . . 159 
 
 — dramatic performances of . . 118 
 
 Holden (John), tried on a charge of forgery . . 277 
 
 Holford (Miss), bitten with a mania . . 56 
 
 Holland (Lord), lines addressed to . , y2 
 
 Hollar, tlie honest engraver . . » ,184 
 
 Holman ...... 121 
 
 Homer, Hesiod, and Pindar, divine flights of . 10 
 Honorie liioiiffe, his adulation of Bonaparte and others 
 Hooke (Theodore), a plagiarist . . . 124 
 Houlton (Dr.), his Castle of Woolraer . 126, 127 
 Hulston and Smith . . . 126, 127 
 Human Life, Miseries of, a pleasing effort . . 305 
 Huntington, the numerous compositions of . 274, 275 
 Huon of Bourdeaux, his wild and picturesque stories . 135 
 his Castle of Adamant . ib 
 
 Inchbald (Mrs.) .... 
 
 Infidel writers .... 
 
 Inglewood Forest, Farmer of 
 Ireland, his garb of deception 
 -. — other productions 
 
 and Curtis, brothers in fiction 
 
 Jack Junk ..... 
 
 James (Major), his motives for purchasing Home 
 
 Tooke's notes 
 Jenner ..... 
 
 Jew King, a female sprig of 
 
 Joanna Southcote, gross delusion of her pregnancy 
 Joan of Arc, deficiency in . 
 
 Jones (Gale), and Thelwall 
 
 117 
 269 
 149 
 
 121 
 
 122 
 
 147 
 
 44 
 
 239 
 2l6 
 142 
 288 
 21 
 231, 232 
 
 (Sir William), his thoughts written at the end of 
 
 his Bible . . . .267
 
 S30 
 
 INDEX. 
 
 Joyce (Cornet), beheads Charles I, 
 Junius, letters of . , 
 
 Jurisprudence 
 
 Page 
 nnn 
 
 307 
 259 
 
 K. 
 
 Kehama, a work of genius 
 
 Keith, a geometrician 
 
 Kemble (IVTr, Charles), his knowledge of stage trick 
 
 Knights errants .... 
 
 Kenny (Mr.), his False Alarms 
 
 an heir loom to Covent Garden 
 
 Kerrison ..... 
 
 KuhlmanQuirinus of Breslau, an enthusiast little known 
 
 21 
 290 
 128 
 
 25 
 126 
 127 
 216 
 283 
 
 L. 
 
 Lackington (Mr.), of Finsbury, his trash . , 204 
 
 Lanchester (Madam) . . . 296. 304 
 
 Latham ...... 2l6 
 
 Lauder, his attack upon Milton . . .123 
 
 Laureat, a living, truly gifted ... 23 
 
 Lawler (Mr.), his Sharp and Flat . . 127, 128 
 
 Lee (Miss), her Recess, its character . . 139 
 
 Lewis, his amusing anecdotes . . . 200 
 
 Lenox (Mrs.), among the higher class of novellists . 157 
 Leo (Pope), the tenth .... 196 
 
 Lettsom (Dr.) ...... 2l6 
 
 Lewis (Mr.), his productions . . . .141 
 
 Lexicographers . . . . .237 
 
 the greatest ... 9 
 
 Libel, a, ate, drank, and slept upon . . .103 
 
 Lily the astrologer ..... 299 
 Lines, introductory ..... 1 
 
 on a pageant on Palm Sunday . . 88 
 
 Livy ...... 110 
 
 Lodge (Mr.), his account of the Caesar family . 203 
 
 Loft (Mr. Capel), his unqualified praises of theFarraer'sBoy 45
 
 INDEX. 
 
 331 
 
 Love-a-la-mode . . 
 
 Lycidas of Plato, the 
 
 Lysons, the two, persevering industry of 
 
 Facu 
 112 
 229 
 183 
 
 M. 
 
 Macartney (Lord), his mission to China 
 Mackenzie (Mr.), his Man of Feeling 
 Macklin, dramatic tsJents of . 
 Maddocks (llodrigo, Esq.) 
 Madoc, a poem, account of . 
 Man of the U^orld .... 
 
 Manuscript, Arabian, in the time of the crusades 
 Manuscripts found in Herculaneum 
 
 industriously pursued by Rosine, Scotte 
 
 and Pesette 
 ————— Greek, of ApoUonius Evander 
 precious, of Monte Casino 
 
 Mathias, his Pursuits of Literature 
 ' why purchased with avidity 
 
 a vehicle of the most unprovoked abuse 
 
 and rancorous ill nature 
 
 Mathematicians 
 Marmion 
 
 a tag at the end of the line 
 
 Martial, the Epigrammist 
 Marvellous, the, prevailing fondness for 
 Maury (Abbe), the French Demosthenes 
 Mavor (Dr.) 
 
 his numerous volumes 
 
 Mawman (Mr.), not the only scribe 
 
 Melancthon, (Philip), Riclilieu, and Mazarin, believers 
 
 astrology .... 
 Meeke (Mrs.), her Abbot of Clugny . 
 Menage, his sentimenis upon JNIartial 
 Methodist ranter, the 
 Methodists, fiery, faith ravaged by 
 Midas, how honoured . 
 
 177 
 161 
 113 
 22 
 21 
 112 
 229 
 228 
 
 ib. 
 
 229 
 
 ib. 
 
 97 
 
 ib. 
 
 ib. 
 
 93 
 290 
 
 53 
 
 55 
 
 2S. 30 
 
 134 
 
 50 
 
 306 
 
 307 
 
 181 
 
 1 
 
 300 
 165 
 
 28 
 
 8 
 
 270 
 
 82
 
 332 
 
 INDEX. 
 
 Miller (Joe)j his jests 
 Mineralogists, their abilities 
 Mirabeau, ranged with Dr. Franklin 
 Miscellaneous writers 
 Mitford, his ladyship paragraphs 
 
 fracas between, and Phipps 
 
 Moderns, the, too pompous to study 
 
 too proud to re-read, or re-write 
 
 Modern work, a, ingredients of 
 Modesty, two roads to overthrow 
 Mnemonics, a wonderful volume 
 Monboddo (Lord) 
 Monk Lewis, name of, forgotten 
 
 his Castle and Spectre 
 
 his Wonderful Tales 
 
 ■ lines applicable to his favourite 
 
 topics 
 
 Monro .... 
 
 Montague (Lady Mary Wortley) 
 
 Monthly Mirror 
 
 Moonlight, a poem, an imitation of Milton 
 
 Moore (Anacreon), why deprived of a situation in India 
 
 ' — (Dr.), his Travels 
 
 ■' his Johnsonian vigour 
 
 his Zeluco, written in a masterly style 
 
 anecdote of one of his pupils 
 
 Moral writers 
 
 More (Hannah) . . . 
 
 her numerous productions 
 
 (Sir Thomas), the tutors of his children 
 
 — — — anecdote of his son 
 
 ■ his perspicuous style 
 
 one of the chief revivers of classi- 
 cal literature in England 
 Mother, the -Mysterious, not representable 
 Mudford, entertaining pages of 
 
 his correspondence with Sir J. Bland Burgess 
 
 's Life of Cumberland 
 
 Murphy and Lathom (Messrs.), their abilities 
 
 Page 
 
 208 
 
 292 
 
 50 
 
 290 
 
 233 
 
 234 
 
 12 
 
 ib. 
 
 ]2, 13 
 
 144 
 
 310 
 
 308 
 
 60. 65 
 122 
 
 61 
 
 61, 62 
 216 
 311 
 106 
 
 73 
 
 30 
 178 
 161 
 
 ib. 
 162 
 245 
 247 
 248 
 254 
 256 
 
 10 
 
 ib. 
 
 H9 
 202 
 
 ib. 
 
 55 
 150
 
 INDEX. 
 
 333 
 
 Murphy and Lathom (Messrs.), tragical muse of 
 
 dramatic talents of 
 
 Murray (Lindley), the labours of 
 
 Mutius Scaevola, a play 
 
 Musical doctors .... 
 
 Page 
 
 112 
 113 
 256 
 122 
 219 
 
 N. 
 
 Napoleon (Emperor), the, anecdote of 
 
 Neckar, the modern Colbert 
 
 Nerio (Philip), his absurd pretences 
 
 Newton (Sir Isaac), once studied astrology 
 
 Nightingale (one Joseph), his portraits 
 
 Noah's great ark, tenants of 
 
 Noble (Mr.), his continuation of Granger 
 
 Noodle (Sir), reason of his taking the pen 
 
 his residence, abstinence, and diet 
 
 ' manner of his getting possession of the 
 
 manuscript 
 ■ his opinion of Mr. Rogers's production 
 
 Northcote (iNIr.), advised to relinquish the pen 
 
 Novellists, anonymous 
 
 — account of . . , 
 
 240 
 50 
 
 285 
 300 
 276 
 
 9 
 
 203 
 
 14 
 
 15 
 
 16 
 
 33 
 
 202 
 
 l/'O 
 
 152, 1.33 
 
 o. 
 
 Oldys (Mr.), his excellence in old plays 
 
 Opie (Mrs.), a fascinating writer 
 
 Orford (Lord), incapable of original writing 
 
 Ovid, exuberance of , 
 
 Owenson (Miss), account of her writings 
 
 243 
 
 165, ir;6 
 
 139 
 
 29 
 
 145 
 
 Paley, a sincere and masterly advocate 
 Palmer (the late Mr. R.), anecdote of 
 Pamphleteers .... 
 Pamphleteer, the, poor drudge 
 Parke (Mr.);, his Ro5'al and noble Authors 
 
 266 
 126 
 231 
 
 9 
 203
 
 334 
 
 INDEX. 
 
 Parke (Mungo), his doubtful fate 
 
 Parsons (Mrs.), her industry . . . 
 
 Pasquin (Anthony), publishes his Pin Basket 
 
 how employed at present 
 
 Pegg (Mr.), Oracle of the Antiquarians 
 
 Pemberton ...... 
 
 Pennant (the younger), his present occupation , 
 
 Pepper of poverty 
 
 Perdita, (Mrs. Robinson), unmanly neglect of 
 her daughter gifted with talents 
 
 Page 
 176 
 163 
 102 
 104 
 190 
 21() 
 186 
 lOS 
 158 
 159 
 234 
 J 23 
 10 
 26 
 12s 
 
 Perceval (Lady), ebullitions of 
 
 Pere Hardouin, his ridiculous project 
 
 Petrarch, tenderness of 
 
 Philip V. extravagant panegyric upon 
 
 Philip (Mr, John), the tragedian 
 
 Phillips(Sir Richard), useful information in his Office of Sheriff 181 
 
 Phipps, editor . . . . .233 
 
 Phocion, a saying of .... 255 
 
 Phylodemus upon Rhetoric, nearly completed . 229 
 
 Pictures, popish orders for their destruction . . 285 
 
 Pigault le Brun, recommended . . .314 
 
 Pilgrim of the Cross, the .... 1-19 
 
 Pindar (Peter) . . . . . QS 
 
 Pine's Horace, the preface and notes by Dr. Ward . 3l6 
 Piozzi supports her Synonymy . . 306, 307 
 
 Pique, private, freedom from, the basis of true criticism 46 
 
 Pisistratus, a moral work of ... 229 
 
 Plautus . . . . . .110 
 
 Plays, Novels, and Farces, a just picture of times and manners 110 
 Poem, a Latin, upon the war between Mark Anthony 
 
 and Augustus . . . . 229 
 
 Poets, abundance of, in our days 
 
 born, not made 
 
 of the Greeks and Romans 
 
 ' Romancers, and Novellists 
 
 Poole (Mr.) , his Hamlet ably travestied 
 Polemics, a dangerous phalanx of 
 Politic Wight, the 
 
 31 
 
 6 
 
 9 
 
 ib. 
 
 311 
 
 270 
 
 . 8
 
 INDEX. 
 
 335 
 
 Political writers . . i 
 
 Potatoe Sprangius, an artist sirnamerl 
 
 Pope Sixtus IV. had little taste for learning 
 
 Porcupine (Peter), alias Cobbett 
 
 Porters (tlie three Misses), romance writers 
 
 Porter (Mr. Ker), a delineator of Russia 
 
 Post boy, poetic 
 
 Powel 
 
 Pratt (Mr.), his Emma Corbett 
 
 the feeling enditor of Sympathy 
 
 death of, near Birmingham 
 
 ' his character variously appreciated 
 
 — ^ criticism just, on his writings 
 
 — specimen of his extempore 
 
 Preston on Masonic Charges . 
 Proctor (Mr.), a second Phidias # 
 
 . . — discovered too late in a garret 
 
 Prologue to Cato, four lines of 
 Proselyte, a pretended, anecdote of 
 Publishers heed neither judgment nor taste 
 Pufif direct, the specimens of 
 Pugh, alias Hewson, his account of London 
 Purley, diversions of, by Mr. Home Tooke 
 Pye, a very stale 
 
 Pace 
 205 
 304 
 317 
 212, 213 
 147 
 1/7 
 29 
 2lg 
 
 i6i 
 
 47 
 
 ib, 
 
 ib. 
 
 48 
 
 49 
 
 296 
 
 224 
 
 ib. 
 
 87 
 
 279 
 
 17 
 
 318 
 
 186 
 
 238 
 
 24 
 
 R. 
 
 Rabble, the Cerberus . . . . .211 
 
 Radcliffe (Ann), her character . . . 135 
 
 a romance writer . . . 140 
 
 Raymond, his DermfJfly .... 200 
 
 Raising the Wind . . . . ,126 
 
 Rapin de Thoyras, full of learned and amusing annotations 260 
 Reece (Dr.), a sagacious accoucheur . 288. 290 
 
 Religion, friends of, inspired by dulness . . 8 
 
 Revelliere (La), the Republican Moses . . 51 
 
 Reviewers, the Edinburgh, defiance of , . 3 
 
 Reviews, editors of, their scrupulous disinterestedness J
 
 330 
 
 INDEX. 
 
 Rewbell, a Solon 
 
 Reynolds^ his Iter Britanniarium 
 
 Reynolds and Morton . , 
 
 Rhetoricians .... 
 
 Rhodes (Mr), his Bombastes Furioso 
 
 Richard the Third, short reign of, enveloped in darkness 
 
 Rickman (Clio), a self-dubb'd poet 
 
 imagines the world can be amused by braying 81, 82 
 
 • poems of, calculated to produce a surfeit of 
 
 laughing ..... 87 
 
 adeterminedadvocateforthedoctrinesofTomPaine 88 
 
 keeps a table upon which the Rights of Man 
 
 Page 
 51 
 185 
 
 117 
 290 
 311 
 
 no 
 19 
 
 ib. 
 ib. 
 90 
 50 
 109 
 157 
 25 
 32 
 33 
 53 
 50 
 
 92 
 140 
 132 
 135 
 255 
 
 a perfect mistress of the Greek and Latin 256 
 
 194 
 278 
 300 
 229 
 
 were written 
 
 was enamoured of two penny loaA'^es 
 
 a couplet addressed to 
 
 Robespierre, a Gracchus 
 
 Robin Hood . . . . 
 
 Roche (Mrs.), her Children of the Abbey 
 Rochefoucault, maxim of . , . 
 
 Rogers . . . . . 
 
 his Pleasures of Memory 
 
 Rokeby . . . . . 
 
 Roland, the French Aristides 
 Rolliad, the renowned 
 Romance of the Forest preferred 
 
 writers . . . . 
 
 i complete change in the features of . 
 
 Roper (Margaret), Warner's account of her 
 
 Roscoe (Mr.), his connexion with elegant literature 
 Royal Family, a text quoted before, the history of 
 Rosicrucians, fraternity of . . . 
 
 Rzewuski of Vienna 
 
 Sailor Boy, the 
 
 Sailors, two, anecdote of 
 
 44 
 
 275
 
 INDEX. 
 
 337 
 
 Salisbury (Countess of), a fortune-teller's prognostic 
 
 respecting 
 Salvation, the spirit of, defined 
 Santerre, equal to Marlborough 
 Sarcophagus, the, in the British Museum 
 Scandal, new and ingenious way of spreading 
 Scilly Islands, account of the books in 
 Scot, the high vaunted 
 Scott (Mr.), a proposal made to him to cdite the work 
 
 of Dryden .... 
 
 his abilities as a classical scholar 
 
 his numerous and quick flights 
 
 his striking inequalities 
 
 his verse strangely blended 
 
 his Lay of the Last Minstrel 
 
 his Lady of the Lake . . 
 
 Scribes, Miscellaneous 
 
 Scriptures, the reading of, a law passed against 
 
 Selden defends the laws against witchcraft 
 
 Selwyn (Mr.), his advice about going to law 
 
 Semiramis Queen of Babylon, arms of 
 
 Serres, Madam .... 
 
 Seward (Miss Ann), her works pedantic and inflateil 
 
 (Miss), the late 
 
 Shakspeare and Milton 
 
 Sheridan ..... 
 
 dramatic talents of 
 
 — . the sterling pieces of 
 
 Shoemaking, every lady her own shoemaker 
 
 a disgrace in Spain , 
 
 Shore (Jane), story of, proved nugatory 
 
 Sibley (Mr,), his Majus or Celestial Intelligencer 
 
 Sidney (Sir Philip) .... 
 
 Sinclair a perspicuous writer 
 
 Skeffington (Mr.), performances of 
 
 Skeffy, dictator of Melo Drames 
 
 Small Talk, or the Westminster Boy . 
 
 Smart (Christopher) , the ingenious, his Lilliputian Magaz 
 
 Pagi; 
 
 301 
 
 274 
 
 236 
 
 154 
 19 
 
 5Q 
 58 
 54 
 55 
 52 
 ib. 
 ib. 
 
 9 
 
 26s 
 302 
 261 
 303 
 307 
 312 
 
 55 
 
 10 
 11 I 
 113 
 114 
 3 Of J 
 
 ib. 
 Ill 
 295 
 
 73 
 29<') 
 
 I2c) 
 
 123 
 
 121 
 
 ne 252
 
 338 
 
 INDEX. 
 
 Pa<5E 
 
 Smart (Christopher), his success encourages a new class of 
 
 writers . . . . . 2.')2 
 
 Smith (Charlotte), her writings of a superior cast . 156 
 
 ■ ■ anecdote of . . . ib. 
 
 Smith ( J. T.) ..... 184 
 
 Smithfield's Long Lane .... 4 
 
 Smollet . . . . . .111 
 
 Sonnet by Lord Thurlow on Bodiam Castle . . 7^ 
 
 Southcote (Joanna) . . . . .281 
 
 her conduct an imitation of other 
 
 females .... 282, 283 
 
 20 
 
 ib. 
 
 21 
 
 22 
 
 26 
 
 10 
 
 314 
 
 110 
 
 190. 267 
 
 119 
 
 66 
 
 ib. 
 
 22s 
 
 316 
 
 314 
 
 201 
 
 30 
 
 215 
 
 163 
 
 10 
 
 5d 
 
 Southey, voluminous productions of 
 
 — — — esteemed a follower of Wordsworth's style 
 
 — ^- his unvarying predilection for the wonderful 
 
 — his works analysed 
 
 a true turn-coat 
 
 Spenser, imagery of . . » 
 
 Stael and Genlis (Mesdames), recommiended 
 Stage, the, a glass .... 
 
 Steevens (Blr.), the late Shakesperian commentator 
 Storace, sovereign power of 
 Strangford (Lord) . . . • 
 
 — an able translator 
 
 Strutt, Brand, Douce, &c. attention due to 
 
 Student, a French, translation by 
 
 Sturm, Reflections of, recommended . 
 
 Sumbell (Mrs.) Memoirs of 
 
 Suns, two, in the world of literature 
 
 Surgery and physic .... 
 
 Surr (Mr.), his dastardly venom 
 
 Surry (Lord), sweetness of . 
 
 Swift (Jonathan, Dr.), his WTetched debut in literature 
 
 T. 
 
 Talleyrand, the Republican Christ 
 
 Ta vernier (Mr,), account of his special licence 
 
 ^ -... his ridiculous preaching 
 
 50, 51 
 
 27ji 
 
 ib.
 
 INDEX. 33g 
 
 Pack 
 Terence . . . . . .110 
 
 Teg'g (Mr.), his biographical sketch , . 181 
 
 Thalaba the Destroyer, characterised . . 21 
 
 Thespis, Chiklren of . . . .102 
 
 ThorchiU, Earl of . . . . .64 
 
 Thornton (Colonel), his Sporting Tours . . ISO 
 
 Mosley (Tom), an associate . . . . ib. 
 
 Thucydides . . . . .110 
 
 Thurlow (Lord), a poetical peer . . . Ji 
 
 — comi)Oses -with exquisite rapidity . ib. 
 
 suspected of setting the Thames on fire 72 
 
 a devoted admirer of an illustrious personage ibi 
 
 the panegyrist of many v.riters . y3 
 
 Tighe (Mrs. Henrj) . . . . .79 
 
 her poem of Cupid and Psyche approved 80 
 
 Tintoret, the painter, his conduct towards Peter Aretine 105 
 Tobin (Mr.) . . . . 11 7, 118 
 
 his productions neglected . . ib. 
 
 Tooke (Mr. Home), his notes purchased by the Emperor 
 
 Napoleon . . . . .239 
 repurchased for the use of the British 
 
 public ..... ib. 
 
 Topham(Captain),of greyhound and sporting celebrity 120, 121 
 Topographers . . . . .183 
 
 Topographist dull ..... 8 
 
 Towne (Mr.), the instructor of Mary Ann Clarke . 310 
 
 Translation, anecdotes concerning . . .315 
 
 Travellers and Tourists . . . . 170 
 
 Travels and Tours, stay at home writers of . . g 
 
 Tribunal, the secret, impenetrable mystery attached to 63 
 
 Trimmer and Bonhote (Mistresses), the labours of . 256 
 Trotter (Mr.) . . . . "199 
 
 Trough of stone, a sarcophagus . . 190,191 
 
 U V. 
 
 Udolpho, Mysteries of, censured . ." .140 
 
 Urquhart (Mr.), a book and print collector . . 142
 
 340 
 
 INDEX. 
 
 
 Page 
 
 Valcntiii (Lord), his Tour 
 
 178 
 
 A'enus bereft of a nose 
 
 isp 
 
 Versification easy 
 
 44 
 
 Virgil taken in a literal sense 
 
 29 
 
 Vortigern, the fable of 
 
 121 
 
 w. 
 
 Walcot (Doctor) 
 
 his Lousiad 
 
 •— — — his satire felt by Sir Joseph Banks 
 
 anecdote of his rencontre with Mr. GiflFord 
 
 his amatory and tender strains of poesy 
 
 manuscript effusions expected after his death 94 
 
 his Cornish Man an impotent production ib. 
 
 Waldron, the veteran . , . 114,115 
 
 91 
 
 ib. 
 
 92 
 ib. 
 
 93 
 
 Walker (Mr,), author of the Vagabond 
 Wallace, or the Fight of Falkirk 
 Walpole (Sir Horace) 
 
 — — his Castle of Otranto . 
 
 — — — ^— — — his love of vertu 
 
 Walter Scott eclipses Mr. Moore 
 
 Warburton (Dr.), Bishop of Gloucester, anecdote of 
 
 Ward (Dr.), anecdote of , . . 
 
 West and Chambers (Dames), praise due to 
 
 Wieland, the Agathon of, recommended 
 
 Wilcox (Elizabeth), receives a remittance from the 
 
 Emperor of Russia 
 Wildman (Mr.), on Bees 
 Wilkins (Bishop), anecdote from 
 Williams, alias Anthony Pasquin 
 I - ■ ____- ■ his character from Mr 
 
 GifFord's Baviad 
 
 anecdotes of 
 infuriate 
 
 Wilson (John), a young man condemned to suffer death 
 
 for a riot .... 
 
 ■ ■ . elegant effusions by 
 
 148 
 
 56 
 
 135 
 
 137 
 
 118 
 
 31 
 
 93 
 
 316 
 
 127 
 
 314 
 
 314 
 291 
 298 
 100 
 
 101, 102 
 ib 
 103 
 
 41 
 
 ib.
 
 INDEX. 
 
 341 
 
 Wilson (Sir Robert), his account of Egypt 
 Witch, the, Thorbiorga 
 
 account of her costume 
 
 Witches, and the estimation tliey were held in among 
 
 the Danes 
 Wordsworth . , . 
 
 advice to 
 
 Writer, the, to his poetic brethren 
 Writing master, flights of a 
 Wyatt (thelateMr.) 
 
 Page 
 
 177 
 
 64 
 
 ib. 
 
 64 
 77 
 73 
 18 
 87 
 221 
 
 Y. 
 
 Yorke (Mr. Henry Redhead) 
 
 213 
 
 Z. 
 
 Zimmerman, writings of recommended 
 Zofloya the Moor . , ^ 
 
 3J4 
 143
 
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