IL 
 
 / 
 
 THE LIBRARY 
 
 OF 
 
 THE UNIVERSITY 
 
 OF CALIFORNIA 
 
 LOS ANGELES

 
 CUMBRIAN A. 
 
 I
 
 CUMBRIANA 
 
 OR 
 
 FRAGMENTS OF CUMBRIAN LIFE 
 
 Bv THE Compiler of thk 
 "GLOSSARY OF CUMBERLAND WORDS AND PHRASES' 
 
 SECOND EDITION 
 REVISED AND ENLARGED 
 
 LONDON 
 
 WHITTAKER & CO AVE MARIA LANK 
 
 WHITEHAVEN CALLANDER & DIXON MARKKJ' PLACE 
 
 1876
 
 WlilTHHAVEN: 
 
 CAI.I.ANDEK AM) DIXON, PKINTERS, 
 
 MARKET rl.ACE.
 
 
 ) ' 
 
 DEDICATED, 
 
 BY PERMISSION, TO 
 
 MRS. CRAIG GIBSON. 
 
 In memory of my fellow-labourer and acceptable con- 
 tributor in attempting to- perpetuate the Cumberland 
 dialect in its purity, and of the old-standing friendship 
 I had the happiness to enjoy during the life of the 
 late Dr. Alexander Craig Gibson, this volume is dedi- 
 cated to his amiable and much respected relict; as 
 another, among many, memorials of his great skill in 
 portraying the habits and feelings of the humbler 
 classes of the people of this county and its borders ; 
 and of the admirable talent displayed in his " Laal 
 Dinah Grayson," " Bobby Banks' Bodderment," and 
 numerous other unapproachable effusions in our quaint 
 and quiet dialect. 
 
 WM. DICKINSON. 
 
 807514
 
 PREFATORY NOTE. 
 
 Encouraged by the rapid sale of "Cumbriana," I am 
 induced to issue a Second Edition, witli the additions 
 my friends have kindly supplied, and with due 
 revision. 
 
 W.D.
 
 CONTENTS. 
 
 
 PAGE 
 
 Introduction, . . , . . 
 
 . ix-xii 
 
 Unpublished Records, .... 
 
 I 
 
 Dr. Gibson's Anecdotes, 
 
 • 38 
 
 Illustrations of Character and Manner, 
 
 . 78 
 
 Superstitions, ...... 
 
 . 123 
 
 Reminiscences of Clerical Life in the ear 
 
 ly 
 
 part of the Nineteenth Century, 
 
 . 143 
 
 Clerical Anecdotes, .... 
 
 164 
 
 Local Natural History Notes, 
 
 . 182 
 
 Illustrations of Cumberland Words, 
 
 . 217 
 
 Anecdotes of the Farm, 
 
 222 
 
 Scraps of Fun, 
 
 . 263 
 
 Miscellaneous Anecdotes, 
 
 . 277 
 
 Tenure of Land in Cumberland, 
 
 . 310
 
 INTRODUCTION. 
 
 At the risk of overstocking the market, now when so 
 many writers exercise their pens on my native dialect 
 (and there are only few who do not try to make our 
 broad dialect broader still), I again venture before the 
 public in practically applying the contents of The 
 Glossary of the Words and Phrases of Cumberland. 
 
 Trifling as the contents of this volume may seem to 
 some, the collection has been made with a view to 
 perpetuate a remembrance of local traditions, and of 
 the manners and customs of old times, with occa- 
 sional illustrations of character exhibited in the say- 
 ings and doings of the people of Cumberland, and 
 occasionally of its immediate borders. An experi- 
 ence of more than threescore and ten years has made 
 matters of this nature very familiar ; and many old 
 people will be able, from personal recollection, to 
 confirm the correctness of most of what is introduced. 
 
 It is not to be expected that the whole contents of 
 the volume will be found entertaining to every one 
 who may chance to read it, for tastes vary ; but it is 
 hoped that all may find something pleasing in it, and 
 that none may find anything of an objectionable 
 character. 
 
 Some of the anecdotes may be interesting from 
 their connection with the names of persons living, or
 
 X Introdttctioji. 
 
 with localities. Some may lose a portion of their 
 interest to the rising generations in the lapse of time, 
 but all will aid in preserving a record of local legends 
 and unwritten tales which are fast passing into obli- 
 vion ; and they may also tend to enliven the hearth 
 of many a family in the dulness of a long winter's 
 evening. If used in moderation, the reading may last 
 over many weeks, and need interfere with no moral, 
 household, or other duties in the rehearsal. Some 
 three or four of the anecdotes have appeared in the 
 local papers, and are inserted here because they essen- 
 tially belong to the county and are worthy of revival. 
 Some anecdotes may lose their point after the exist- 
 ence of the generation during which they took their 
 rise ; and that circumstance should be taken into 
 account in reading a few of the following. 
 
 There is a certain connection between the tale and 
 the teller, or the originator, of an anecdote, which 
 heightens the interest \ and if this link be broken by 
 the absence or death of the person most concerned, 
 and the reader or listener does not happen to have 
 been acquainted with the peculiarities or drollery of 
 the party, the anecdote suffers in proportion ; and 
 many will suffer from being read, instead of being 
 delivered by the originator with his own emphasis and 
 action. 
 
 Some will be found of genuine wit. Many are 
 ridiculous blunders, or simplicity personified ; but all 
 will aid in recording the manners and customs, or in 
 furnishing illustrations of character pertaining to the 
 present, as well as to times gone by. 
 
 More anecdotes and amusing speeches have had 
 their origin among the simple-hearted and the lowly 
 of the slow-speaking Cumbrians, than have arisen 
 from the more elevated classes. From the one may 
 be reckoned the outflowing of the feelings of the
 
 Introduction. xi 
 
 heart, while the other may be, in a great measure, the 
 result of education and research. The one is a sly 
 humour or innocent simplicity, the other may be the 
 offspring of wit or of higher learning. 
 
 Almost every village could contribute a good quota 
 of anecdote; and many lone houses have been the 
 repositories of amusing stories and legends, illustrative 
 of rural life and manners. These, through the altera- 
 tions in the style of living, and in the improved and 
 constantly improving systems of education, with a 
 continual widening of intercourse among all classes, 
 to which the extension of railways largely contributes 
 — these have, in some measure driven out, or have 
 assisted to quell as vulgar, the habit of repeating 
 anecdotes ; and thus, much of the domestic history of 
 the county has been for ever lost. This collection 
 may afford the means of acquainting the people of 
 one end of the county with the sayings and doings of 
 the inliabitants of the other. To those who have 
 mingled nuich in the different grades of Cumbrian 
 society, it need not be said that we are a quiet spoken 
 people. And the few who have not been dwellers 
 •vith us, and who may have patience to wade through 
 this fragmentary production, will find it true that, 
 unless under great excitement, we are not of the race 
 that is wont to set the lakes on fire. An occasional 
 burst of forcible language will occur, under strong 
 influences ; but the ordinary tenor of speech is of a 
 retiring character. 
 
 It has not been without some effort and research 
 that this collection has been brought together. Some 
 can, in the exuberance of their memory, relate anec- 
 dote after anecdote, who cannot be prevailed upon to 
 commit them to paper ; and amid such abundance 
 there is no little difficulty in recollecting and select- 
 ing, and writing in the racy style of a good narrator,
 
 xii Introduction. 
 
 such ones as may be acceptable to a reader ; and 
 doubtless many worthy of record are entirely lost in 
 this way. 
 
 The following are part of the jottings made horn 
 time to time, as opportunity offered ; many, if not all 
 the actors have crossed that bourne whence noiic 
 return. 
 
 I gratefully acknowledge the valuable contributions 
 of the late Dr. A. C. Gibson, Mr. Heskett, Mr. H. A. 
 Fletcher, Mr. Jefferson, of Preston Hows, and other 
 friends. 
 
 W. D. 
 
 Thorncroft, Workington, 
 26M Aprils 1875.
 
 CUMBRIAN A.
 
 •' As life requires repose from serious employment^ and 
 this repose may be efilivened by amtcsemejit, there seems 
 to be a virtue relative to the intercourse of men in their 
 hours of relaxation and t?ietriment, regulating both the 
 matter and the manner of their relaxation." — Aristotle.
 
 UNPUBLISHED RECORDS. 
 
 RALPH DOUGLAS'S ADVENTURE ON 
 THE ICE. 
 
 In the last quarter of the eighteenth century Ralph 
 Douglas was an athletic young man, living with his 
 parents at Woodend, in Thornthwaite, and was fond 
 of shooting, skating, &c. One winter's day he set off 
 with his gun and skated across the lake to have a day's 
 shooting in Bassenthwaite ; he amused himself till 
 dusk, w^ien he returned by the nearest line over the 
 ice from Bawness towards home, and being an excel- 
 lent skater was careering away in great enjoyment 
 when he felt the ice bend under him. Thinking that, 
 if he attempted to turn, the ice w'ould give way, lie 
 concluded it was best to go on as quietly and quickly 
 as possible, and to endeavour to get upon stronger 
 ice. After a few strokes he found the ice still weaker, 
 and that a dish or hollow w^as formed under him as he 
 proceeded, and he felt he was always at the bottom of 
 it. Being a good swimmer he never lost confidence, 
 but continued on till the ice did break and in he 
 went, gun and all. 
 
 He kept hold of the gun with one hand and managed 
 to swim with the other hand to the edge of the ice, 
 and to lift his gun upon it. The ice breaking as he 
 
 B
 
 2 Ciimbriana. 
 
 advanced, he pushed his gun upon it before him ; and 
 pardy swimming, and partly holding on by the edges 
 till it broke, he contrived to advance, after several 
 breakings, to where the ice was strong enough to bear 
 him. Raising himself on his elbows, by a sudden and 
 venturous spring he got on the sound ice once more, 
 after travelling in the water more than a hundred yards 
 in a keen frosty evening. But his troubles were not at 
 an end, for by the bending of the edge of the ice when 
 he was in the act of mounting it, his favourite gun 
 slipped off and sank to the bottom. Not liking to 
 make another plunge, although a good diver, he made 
 the best of his way home, where a party of young 
 people were assembling, by invitation, for a dance ; and 
 without giving them any attention, or thinking of any- 
 thing but of saving his gun, he ascended to the hay- 
 loft. Knowing the depth of water in which his gun lay, 
 he selected a dry pole from the loft and tied it by the 
 middle to a rope, and the rope to a stone ; then hasten- 
 ing back, threw all into the lake together, as near to 
 his gun as possible, and had the satisfaction of seeing 
 the pole float on the water over the place. He then 
 went home and enjoyed himself with the party, not 
 mentioning his adventure to anyone. 
 
 The frost continued a few days, but did not freeze 
 hard enough to permit of his going to his pole. Confi- 
 dent in his expedient, he waited till the thaw came : 
 and then, in a boat, rowed to where he expected his 
 pole-buoy, but found he had miscalculated, and that 
 the ice, on breaking up and being driven before the 
 wind, had cut the cable which anchored his buoy. 
 The pole had floated down the lake ; the rope had 
 sunk ; and the favourite gun still rests at the bottom of 
 lake Bassenthwaite.
 
 Unpublished Records. 3 
 
 I'LL TRY THEE, DICK. 
 
 In the year 1800, Joseph Waite, of Brownrigg, in the 
 A.bbey Hohne, ordered his sons to yoke his horse 
 " Dick " to the cart, and to load it with well-dressed 
 wheat. 
 
 When the usual load of six Cumberland bushels was 
 put on, he told them to put on more, and more still ; 
 saying with each sack, " I'll try thee, Dick ! " His sons 
 thought their father had gone mad, for he ordered 
 them to put on till twenty bushels of good wheat were 
 on the cart, still saying, " I'll try thee, Dick ! " He 
 started with Dick and his load, repeating as he went 
 " I'll try thee, Dick," till he finally delivered it at the 
 Abbey Mill and received sixty guineas for his one- 
 horse cart-load, or three guineas per Carlisle bushel ! 
 Dick had less difficulty and much praise in returning 
 with his load of money. 
 
 HAY CASTLE AND DRUNKEN DICKINSON. 
 
 On the authority of Thomas Litt, of Distington, in 
 1838 a man of four score, I have it that Hay 
 Castle and much landed property near it, with all the 
 Manor of Distington, belonged, within his memory, to 
 a person named " drunken " Dickinson, and had been 
 in the family for many generations. 
 
 Dickinson was a very tall man, and very outward in 
 conduct. Through his and his immediate ancestor's 
 extravagance the family became reduced in circum- 
 stances, and, for a livelihood, Dickinson bound himself 
 apprentice to the great grandfather of the late Thomas 
 Hardey, Esq., of Gillfoot, a merchant and shipowner. 
 The manor and most of the lands were sold in the 
 meantime to the then owners of Moresby Hall, who
 
 4 • Cu))ibriana. 
 
 afterwards sold them to the Lovvthers. Dickinson 
 continued very idle and dissolute ; and, during a 
 dmnken fit, after the expiration of his apprenticeship, 
 he sold the Hay Castle and land to some person who 
 took advantage of his intoxication and bought the 
 whole for a mere fraction of its value. 
 
 Mr. Hartley, hearing of this, interested himself in 
 the case, rescued the property, and restored it to 
 the owner, subsequently purchasing the reversionary 
 interest for an annuity of sixty pounds during Dickin- 
 son's life. He, Dickinson, still continued his habits, 
 and by some unaccountable means took a strong dis- 
 like to ]Mr. Hartley, employing every means to annoy 
 and abuse him ; and on one occasion, having thrashed 
 his best friend, was committed to gaol for six months. 
 After his liberation he again attacked Mr. Hartley, 
 almost killed him, and was a second time im- 
 prisoned for a longer term. Being still in receipt of his 
 annuity he held on drinking to such an excess, after 
 coming out of gaol, that it soon ended in his death; 
 and the reversion came entire into Mr. Hartley's hands. 
 
 The ruins of the old castle still stand on the north 
 side of the mill ; and tradition says large vaults vvith 
 groined arches may be found there, but covered with 
 soil and rubbish. 
 
 DUELLING. 
 
 A gentleman, who had frequent access to the documents 
 belonging to the archives of Workington Hall, stated 
 that, in old times, during an assize meeting at Carlisle, 
 a Curwen and a Howard of Corby quarrelled ; and 
 one called the other a " tyke." A challenge and duel 
 on the sands ensued, when the Curwen shot the 
 Howard.
 
 Unpublished Records. 
 
 LAMPLUGH CLUB.* 
 
 Can ya remember owt o' '' Lampla' Club " when it 
 was i' full voag, aboot 1808 ? 
 
 Aa was at yan o' ther girt yearly club days at t' 
 Cross, an' can tell ya summat aboot it. It's still 
 hodden o't second Friday o' Joon, an' that year a reet 
 het day it was. It was Wilson o' Mowerkin's;}: turn 
 to be President, and a grand leukan fellow he was as 
 he marcht ta church an' back ageann, wid a blue sash 
 ower his shooders, and a girt flag flappen abeun his 
 heed. A gay lock o' fwok hed giddert up i' time ta 
 gang to t' church, an' away we struttit. A band o' 
 music went furst, an' than t' President, like sum girt 
 general at t' heed av an army ; bit a querish army he 
 hed to follow him ! T' preest, oald Mr. Gregson, 
 marcht next tull aiii, an' then a few couples o' t' 
 oaldest men int' club ; and than ivry kind went, ov o' 
 sworts, an' sizes, an' ages ; bit a lot o' t' bettermer 
 swort went afoor t' rest. Lampla' Church was as full 
 as it cud cram, for sum 'at com in leatt hed ta stand 
 o' t' time, an' two or three bits o' lasses fen tit an' hed 
 ta be bvvorn oot. It's weel it was nea warse, for it 
 was parlish sweltry. When t' singers began, sum o' t' 
 music men streukk in wa ther girt gruntan horns an' 
 things, an' playt base. Aa hardly thowt it whyte reet, 
 bit it was varra nice, an' it meadd me o' thirl sumtimes. 
 
 T' oald man gev us a canny laal sarman, an' aa dar 
 say a reet gud an ; and nea doot he wad git his ginny 
 for't, at oald Lord Lampla' left in his will, ta be gien 
 to t' preest for preachan that day as lang as t' club 
 hods tagidder. Sek crushing theer was amang t' lads 
 ta git oot ! bit t' President meadd tham o' fo' back an' 
 
 *The incidents herein related are true, the dates of a few minor ones excepted. 
 
 t Mockerkin.
 
 6 Cinnbriana. 
 
 keep theer pleasses efter him. When we gat to^t' 
 Cross theer was mair an' mair cumman ivry noo an' 
 than, an' fwok squeezt in to t' dinner teables till theer 
 was hardly room to lift a fork. They dinnert on hofe 
 o' t' efterneun, an' t' band playt, bit t' main fun 
 duddent begin till t' edge o' t' ibnin. 
 
 Fwok keept cumman in still fray o' parts — 
 
 " Lampla' an' Loweswater, lang m«n an' lean. 
 
 " Ho-s, roags, aa' theeves, fray Branthet an' Dean,"* 
 
 an' menny a yan 'at wad hardly hev sek anudder 
 holiday till t' next club day mebby. Beath o' t' 
 hoosest was far ower laal to hod a quarter o' them, 
 an' fwok hed to stand aboot int' lonnin, or lig ageann 
 t' dykes, an' lissen t' band playan, or chatter away 
 amang thersells. Till o' t' dinneren was ower theer 
 wazzant a chance o' giltin owt ta drink oot o' doors, 
 an' sum went an' drank at Lund spoot, while yan or 
 two brayzent fellows fray Harras Moor squeezt in an' 
 brang oot a quart in ayder hand, for thersells an' sek 
 like ; an' mebby reet aneuff — if they nobbet payt 
 for't ! 
 
 On efter dinner a bit, when fwok hed gitten a glass 
 or two round, t' President began to tell t' club fwok 
 hoo t' club matters steudd, and hoo mickel mair they 
 hed this year int' iron kist, an' than theer was a cheer, 
 an' t' oot deur fwok wondert what was ta cum next. 
 
 Than he telt them hoo menny new members had 
 entert this year, an' he sed ther consarns was flurrishin 
 famishly, an' ther was anudder hurray ! An' then he 
 sed he whopt ivry body wad join, an' t' club wad seunn 
 be as Strang as t' bank ov Ingland ; an' to be shoor, 
 that dud bring oot a hurrah ! an' t' lads oot side teukt 
 up an' meadd o' ring ageann. 
 
 Than t' hoose folk gat mair help, an' they set furms 
 
 * Traditional Rhyme, 
 t There were two Inns at Lumplugh Cross at the time.
 
 UnpnblisJicd Records. 7^ 
 
 an' oald barrells oot ageann t' hoose side, an' on be' t' 
 dykes ; an' fvvok drew into knots o' ther oan kind, an' 
 fell to crackan an' chatteran like a hundred wizzels in 
 a steann wo. Oald Carter was theer fray t' mill, and 
 he'd teann gud kearr to git into fettle seunn on, an' he 
 capert in an' oot an' chattert like a teamm pyet, amang 
 fwok he'd niver seen afoor. He gat helpt up on a 
 plank 'at was laid cross two barrels, an' wad co' a 
 seall. 
 
 An' just when he was gaan to strike ofif a lot "goin, 
 goin," sum unlucky elf gev t' barrels a shuv, and doon 
 he com like a sleatter. An' when he was fairly dun 
 ower for owt else, he cud still rwor oot, " go, Billy, go," 
 as if he was fleean away astride ov his oald gallapan 
 nag.^ 
 
 T' crak gat varra thrang noo, an' t' fell-deall lads 
 talkt aboot ther cur dogs, an' t' best way to cure t' scab, 
 an' telt how menny sheep they'd hed smoort i' t' girt 
 Martinmas snow. Branthet chaps hed gitten Fisher 
 ov Innerdale brig amang them, an' he keept them o' 
 laughan wid his droll stwories aboot cockfeytin ; an' 
 than he gat a match meadd for a main o' cocks ageann 
 Easter. They treatit him, an' he led them on a fine 
 peazz. 
 
 Harras Moor fellows was a kind o' hofe fratchan wi' 
 Dissenton fwok aboot ther bull-dogs an' tarriers, bit 
 they'd been darkan an' lissenan at t' seamm time, an' 
 when they hard a word aboot a cockfeyt, they wad hev 
 a finger in it teah. Bit Fisher saw what was gaan to 
 be up, an' he wazzent lang till he hed them o' feytan 
 togidder, an' o' was towry-lowry ! He was a rare eg- 
 battle, bit he teuk gid care to keep at ootside his-sell. 
 
 When this.scruffel was on, t' Whillimer lions cuddent 
 be whyet, an' they com forrat an' sed they war enny o' 
 them riddy for enny body, an' Symy Lock hed a bit 
 ov a toozel wid sum o' them.
 
 8 Ciimbriana. 
 
 An' rare wark theer wad ha' been if Will Litt * 
 heddent sprang in amang them an' sed they suddent 
 feyt, an' he whangt them aboot like as many geslins ; 
 bit he duddent git them fairly partit till sum o' them 
 gat gay bleuddy feasses. T' meast o' them was willin' 
 to giv way ta him, for they o' knew it was neah single 
 handat job to cum crossways o' him, an' it o' settelt 
 doon agcann. 
 
 Them in t' hoose hed gitten gayly croozy be this 
 time, and famish cracks they hed. 
 
 Willy Pearson was leattish o' cumman, an' he popt 
 his heed in at deur, an' sez, " Winge, what hoo preuvv 
 ye o' ? " and sek a laugh it raizt ! 
 
 Oald Jobby,* o' Smeathat, crakt o' pooers about his 
 white bitch, Countess, an' two or three mair hounds 
 he hed ; an' he telt yan ov his fox-hunting stwories, 
 hoo he tally-ho't a fox ya Sunday + mwornin, just as 
 day brak, oot ov a borran o' steanns, abeunn Flootern 
 tarn, i' Herdas end ; an' hoo it teukk ower be t' 
 Cleugh-gill, an' t' hoonds viewt him sa hard, 'at he 
 teukt' Broadwater, an' swam cross t' hee end ont, an' 
 t' dogs went roond an' gat on t' drag, an' up t' Side 
 wood. Hoo he ran hevvy a while, as weel he med 
 when he was o' wet, and they whisselt him up be t' 
 Iron Crag, an' be t' Silver Cwove, an' than throo t' 
 Pillar, an' a gay rough bit o' grund it is ! Hoo he 
 shakt them oil a bit theer, an' they at him ageann, an' 
 meadd o' ring amang t' rocks. Hoo they ran him 
 roond be Black Sale, an' Lizza hee faulds, and clam 
 oot be t' Scarf Gap, an' on to t' W^o' heed, an' thay 
 beeldit am ondert' Brock Steann, an' he was seaff 
 aneuff theer ! Fwok o' lissent to sek a huntin teall, 
 an' when it was ower thay buzzt and talkt yan amang 
 anudder, like bees in a het day. 
 
 * Author of " Wrestliana," &c. 
 * Mr. Joseph Bowman, of Smaiihwaite. 
 t Sunday morning was iheu a common hunting time for the fox.
 
 Unpublished Records. 9 
 
 Will Pearson, o' Bannockrow, telt a gay good stwory 
 aboot his runnin t' trail ov a brock frayt fairy-whols "' 
 tull aboot Eskat woods, wid his five white dogs ; an' 
 thay startit t' brock theer, an' Jossy Steel man streukt 
 dykin ax intat brock's buttock ; bit it mannisht ta git 
 intat whol after o' an' wad likely dee theer. 
 
 Deyelljt o' Stocka Ho', an' Jothan Branthet, talkt 
 aboot gedderan tithe ; an' Jo Deall sed theer cud be 
 nowt sa good as Lampla puddin'.J 
 
 Tom Brown, an' William Frear, an' oald Billy 
 Graham, and Banker BillyJ wid his wig and pigtail, 
 gat tagidder, an' talkt lang aboot aljibra, — bit thay 
 gat o' t' crack to thersells ; an' sum o' them wondert 
 if Johnny Ware wad put owt in t' ''Packet" next week, 
 aboot sec deeins as they hed theer. 
 
 Harrison, o' Watter Yat, thowt the '■'virginity o' 
 man was cun till a parlish pass, when fwok cud lock t' 
 wheels ov a wood-waggon to hinder't o' runnin amain — 
 an' he remembert time when three woo wheels was 
 gangan in his oan hoose, an' noo theer was two marvel 
 chimla pieces an' what nut ! " 
 
 Jwony Braythat squeekt and meadd rymes ivry noo 
 an' than, an' meadd o' fwok laugh. 
 
 Saul, o' t' Ho', wad talk aboot nowt bit Lampla' 
 hokey bulls, an' sec-like, and he seunn went off 
 heamm. 
 
 Willy Fisher, wid his hair o' plettit roond, smeukt 
 cleet leaves an' annaseeds, an' talkt aboot t' best way 
 o' makkin mote ; an' a deel o' tham wondert what sec 
 feutt-bo lake they wad hev at Leeps boddam next 
 Easter Sunday. 
 
 Jwon White, o' t' Hollins. was in for shuttan snipes, 
 an' skooderan them doon i' t' Scalla || springs i' hard 
 
 * Limestone caves near !\Iillgill-head. t Dalzell. 
 
 t Lainjilugh pudding consisted of biscuits or buns steeped till soft in hot 
 
 ale, with seasoning and spirits according to taste. 
 
 §The late Mr. W. Dickinson, Sen., of Kidburngill. II Scallow.
 
 lo Cumbriana. 
 
 weather; bit sum o' them telt am he sud ha' been 
 pooan his sheep oot o' t' snow drifts astead of shuttan 
 snipes, an' he sHnkt away oot. 
 
 Mattha Jackson bragt aboot findin an eagle Hggan 
 deed, at Murton-brow-heed, when he was a bit ov a 
 lad; an' it was t' last 'at hed been seen i' t' country. 
 He sed it hed claws as thick as his thooms, an' thay 
 war neah laal ans ! Mattha shot in wid a stwory 
 aboot his trailan a car-wheel up to Knockmurton pike 
 an' settan 't off doon t' screes. It went like a mill-o'- 
 fire, an' leapp fray crag to crag, an' was smasht o' to 
 flinders afoor it gat doon into Cogra Moss. 
 
 Clark Anthony winkt an' girn't and set feasses, an' 
 sang — 
 
 " My wife is dead, and I am free," 
 " Seah far tha weel soor apple tree ;" 
 
 an' menny a rare sang Avas sung beside, til t' loft was 
 wantit for t' dancers. An' than sek a kick-up : T' 
 lasses an' lads war seunn o' out on t' fleurr tagidder, 
 an' dansan pell-mell, fit ta brek t' loft doon. A deal 
 o' t' elder set began ta sydel away when t' fiddles 
 streuk up, an' sum o' t' rest began ta git rayder ower 
 full an' gat ta janglin like owt. 
 
 Jacob Fox brayt a Workiton chap till he was o* 
 bleud an' batter ower, an' then he chopt up a drinkin 
 glass, an' eat it ivry snap. Neah wunder he was o' 
 bleud an' o' ! Gayly leatt on next rawornin some o' 
 them fand Jacob pooan brackins to lig doon on i' 
 Murton lonnin. 
 
 Thay refuse't ta let Kit Marshall hev enny mair to 
 drink, an' pot am oot, an' off he went heamm in his 
 tantrums, an' was seunn back wid his ax ower his 
 shooder, an' began to hag his way throo t' deur, an' 
 swearr he Avas nobben carven his cwot ov arms on't, — 
 bit efter sek wark as that we'ed better say laal mair 
 aboot it. It was noo gittan on ta daybrek, an' dansy
 
 Unpublished Records. i r 
 
 King* ast if enny o' t' lads wad set am towerts Pard- 
 saht as he was rayder short seetit, an' med git inta t' 
 becks. Tom Wilson was riddy for owt' at leukt like 
 fun, an' he wad steer Dansy heamm. When thay gat 
 to Cross-yats beck, Tom thowt it wazzent seaff for 
 beath ta venter ower t' sleatt brig at a time, an' thay 
 sud tak t' watter. It wad be towerts a yard deep at t' 
 hee side, an Tom pot am next that side, an' telt him 
 ta hod weel up. When they war fairly in t' deepest 
 on't, Tom mannisht ta stummer an' fo', an' bring t' 
 maister wid am, —an' beath hed ta crowl oot, like two 
 hofe droont rattens. Tom set am on a bit, an' than 
 cum back ta t' Cross, wet as he was ; bit he care't nowt 
 aboot that if he nobbet gat a bit o' spwort raizt. An' 
 seah endit that club day, an menny anudder sec like 
 beath afoor an' sen. 
 
 FEMALE COURAGE. 
 
 For courage and prompt contrivance in a case of 
 emergency, the following, told by a son of the actress, 
 has not often been surpassed. About 1850, on a fine 
 summer day, when the family were out and busy with 
 haymaking, three undisguised tramps went to a lone 
 farm house near Egremont, where only the old lady 
 was at home. They were very importunate for relief, 
 and pressed to be admitted into the house ; but the 
 old woman, who was stripped to her work and very 
 busy, desired them to stay outside till she brought 
 something for them. She quickly opened the door 
 partly, and put out the muzzle of a gun, threatening 
 to shoot, and they thinking from her dishabille that 
 she was a maniac, took to their heels and ran off, not 
 knowing that the gun was empty. 
 
 * Mr. King, a noted teacher of dancing. t Pardshaw.
 
 1 2 Cumbriana. 
 
 THE '^ CRACKS" OF AN ORE-CARTER'S 
 
 WIFE. 
 
 Cum sit thee ways doon, and give us thee crack, 
 Aav been rayder badly and pain't a' me back ; 
 A crack does van good, an' aav less to deah noo 
 Sen t' horses was selt, an' aav neah hay to poo. 
 
 Oor Jemmy ses t' horses hes dun us laal good, 
 Takkin o' in account it's no wonder they sud; 
 For they eat sek a heap o' good things, barn, aa lay, 
 Thoo waddent beleev't if aa talkt for a day. 
 
 I't' dark winter mwornins' about three o'clock, 
 He shootit o't' lads ta git up, an' be gock ! 
 He nivver cud lig a bit langer his sel, 
 For fear t' lads sud leave owt undun an' nit tell. 
 
 An' what cud aa deah when he was afeutt, 
 Bit up an' makt' poddish, while he went ta teutt 
 Amang t' horses an' git them ther crowdy an' meal. 
 For hoo cud they work if they warrent fed weel ? 
 
 Than away thay wad hurry to Cleator for ore, 
 "\\^i' sum hay in a sek an' ther best leg afore ; 
 Thay com back o' sweat an' o' dust twice a day. 
 An' t' white horse as reed as if daub't wi' reed clay. 
 
 An' t' lads, to be shoor, sek sects they com heamm, 
 Wi' sek cleaz, an' sek feasses, it was a fair sheamm ; 
 An' than thay meadd t' blankets far warse nor git oot, 
 For thay leukt for o' t' warld like webs o' reed cloot.
 
 Unpublished Records. 13 
 
 Yan med wesh, barn, o.n' scmb till yan's fingers was sair, 
 An nivver wad t' things o' yan's house be clean mair ; 
 T' varra hair o' yan's heed gat as reed as a fox, 
 An' it spoils o' my caps 'at's lockt up in a box. 
 
 Bit noo sen thayv oppent oot t' railway to't' Birks, 
 Weev partit wi t' horses an' cars, an' two stirks ; 
 Teahh lad's gitten hiert, an' aav less ta dee, 
 An' tudder, nowt suits am but ganging to t' see. 
 
 What changes it's mead in our Hensigem street ! 
 An' asteed o' reed muck we'll hev't clean as a peat ; 
 For weev Innerdale watter as cheap as oald rags. 
 An' we'el now see laal mair o' t' oald cars an' oald nags. 
 
 'Twas just tudder day 'at yan fell doon i't street, 
 'Twad ha' pittit thy heart, barn, ta leukk on an' see't ; 
 Hoo it greannt as it laid till they reetit it up, 
 An' they yokt it ageann and laid at it wi't' whup. 
 
 Oor Jemmy, he sez, if he ivver gits poor, 
 Thay'll be settin am up for a mileston hees shoor ; 
 Bit he laughs when he sez't, for he's summat laid bye. 
 An' he'll still mak a leevin as seaffas he'll try. 
 
 Beddelmcr-gill Feutt, April, 1856.
 
 14 Ciunbriana. 
 
 THE LEGEND OF MOCKERKIN* TARN. 
 
 The Tarn is on the roadside from Cockermouth to Lamplugh. Its extent 
 is about a dozen acres ; and it is said to occupy the site of the ancient village 
 of Mockerkin. 
 
 Sir Mochar, the dwarf, was a valiant knight, 
 
 And he dwelt in a noble old hall ; 
 He had forty stout yeomen well arm'd for the fight, 
 
 All ready to answer his call. 
 
 His hall was a castlet o'er top't by a tower. 
 
 Around it a moat wide and deep ; 
 A drawbridge and gateway evinced his power, 
 
 With dungeon below, and strong keep. 
 
 A sturdy old knight was Sir Mochar the dwarf. 
 
 Both active and self-willed was he ; 
 Courageous and fierce too as ever donn'd scarf. 
 
 Or hung up poor carle on tree. 
 
 With features sun-stained, and countenance grim. 
 
 His teeth all uneven and yellow ; 
 His hair and his beard all grizzled — not prim, 
 
 Himself a repulsive old fellow. 
 
 His shoulders were broad and his frame so strong. 
 
 His stature but four feet three ; 
 His legs were sliort, and his arms were long, 
 
 And he sat on his horse like a flea. 
 
 The long-handled axe was his favourite brand, 
 He could chop off a limb like a woodman ; 
 
 The stroke of his weapon came easy to hand. 
 Oh ! he was a fierce — not a good man. 
 
 * Kin is a diminutive term ; hence little Mochar's tarn, or the modem 
 Mockerkin tarn.
 
 UnpublisJied Records. 15 
 
 His coal-black charger shone bright as his axe, 
 
 And of courage as high as his own ; 
 A pair so determined could seldom be match'd, 
 
 They could daunt nigh to death with their frown. 
 
 And all that Sir Mochar the dwarf undertook, 
 
 In battle, in foray, or chase ; 
 It was done in the saddle. His charger black Rook, 
 
 With Sir Mochar was still in his place. 
 
 The dark deeds of evil were Mochar's delight, 
 
 His horse could enjoy them as well ; 
 Whatever deed crossed the mind of the knight, 
 
 By instinct his horse it could tell. 
 
 And when he was called to the war by the king, 
 
 With his battle axe slung by his side ; 
 His forty bold yeomen with axe, bow, and sling. 
 
 And Rook in the height of his pride. 
 
 With the pageant of war so delighted was he, 
 
 At the prospect to kill and to slay ; 
 His heart v/ould beat quick, and he'd chuckle with 
 glee. 
 
 And Rook would like feeling display. 
 
 None knew where black Rook was bought, neither yet 
 where 
 
 He was bred, nor his pedigree told ; 
 Some said and believed he had dropt from the air, 
 
 And all wonder'd he did not wax old. 
 
 The knight had lost teeth — his hair iron-grey. 
 And he grew more morose as he ag'd ; 
 
 Whatever he said he would never unsay. 
 Right or wrong if he once it engag'd.
 
 1 6 Cnmhriana. 
 
 Black Rook shone like jet, and was active and strong. 
 
 Without a grey hair on his hide ; 
 He was swift as the wind, and endured it long, 
 
 When his Master appointed to ride. 
 
 And when in pursuit of the boar or the deer, 
 
 With twenty fierce hounds in full cry. 
 Black Rook he woald yell and Sir Mochar would cheer. 
 
 Their delight in the chase was so high. 
 
 o 
 
 No boar, neither deer, could escape the fleet pack, 
 
 With Rook and Sir Mochar in chase ; 
 For Rook never tired with Mochar on back, 
 
 And each always kept in his place. 
 
 No distance annoy'd them, nor speed cut their wind. 
 Nor up-hill nor down-hill flagg'd they ; 
 
 Nor halted nor swerv'd in the course from the find, 
 Till boar or stag turned at bay. 
 
 And then would Sir Mochar alight from his steed. 
 With bright hunting blade in his hand ; 
 
 And would strike with such nerve that he never had 
 need, 
 The stroke to repeat with his brand. 
 
 And then the strong Dwarf to Hall Mochar would 
 wend, 
 
 On the saddle before him his prey ; 
 But how it got there, or who did help lend, 
 
 No man but Sir Mochar could say. 
 
 Some thought he was wizard enough in himself, 
 Some thought his horse Rook would lie down; 
 
 Till the carcase was slung by the aid of an elf, 
 Or by strong gust of wind it was blown
 
 Unpublished Recoi'ds. ly 
 
 To the front of the rider and there placed sure, 
 And some thought black Rook it could swing 
 
 From the ground with his teeth, and make it secure. 
 As if it were bound with a string. 
 
 How^ever 'twas done, it was always done well, 
 And quickly to homeward they'd veer ; 
 
 The huntsmen and yeomen seem'd under a spell. 
 So far they'd been left in the rear. 
 
 He had followers many, but friends he had few. 
 
 Neither wife nor yet children had he ; 
 His men were sent out their ofc search to renew. 
 
 Till they brought him fair damsels in — three. 
 
 From hearth-stones of comfort these fair ones were 
 torn. 
 
 And consenting or not 'twas the same ; 
 For he was their thane ; on his lands they were born, 
 
 They must go at the sound of his name. 
 
 And home they were brought him, as others before, 
 
 Unhappy and sorrowful all ; 
 To 'scape in his absence determined full sore. 
 
 Whenever that time should befal. 
 
 Aware of his doings in times not remote, 
 They dread his intentions of harm ; 
 
 The sorrow to others he'd formerly wrought. 
 Was sufficient to cause them alarm. 
 
 Of wrong he'd no thought, no compunction had he, 
 
 No regrets ever crossed his mind j 
 That his deeds were of evil he never could see, 
 
 Nor thought his base actions unkind.
 
 1 8 Ciimbriana. 
 
 To his sins quite oblivious ; to errors so blind ; 
 
 Unknown to all virtues or grace ; 
 No enjoyments had he of a praiseworthy kind, 
 
 Except in the wars or the chase. 
 
 He delighted in rapine, in plunder, in blood, 
 
 In revel and riot as well ; 
 And oft when the larder grew bare to the wood,* 
 
 His yeomen to horse would compel. 
 
 Then up mounted he, and away went the band. 
 
 Determined to harry the North ; 
 The best sheep or kine they could find on the land, 
 
 To homeward they'd hurry them forth. 
 
 Enwrapt in goat skins were hard bannocks — (their fare 
 During forays) and strapt on the back. 
 
 And oftentimes meagre and small was their share, 
 — In meal-ark f at home not a snack. 
 
 No eye had Sir Mochar nor yet had his men. 
 
 For aught save the plunder in view ; 
 The beauties of nature were outside the ken 
 
 Of both he and his hard-hearted crew. 
 
 The small crops of bigg and oats found on their route, 
 Served their horses for food as they went ; 
 
 The owners they thought would not find the thieves out, 
 Nor look to the reivers for rent. 
 
 In one of these raids, so successful were they 
 
 In lifting a score of good kine ; 
 And in getting them safely and quickly away. 
 
 Before the day on them did shine. 
 
 * Shelves, 
 ■t The meal-chest, where meal, oat-bread, and sue; were usually kept.
 
 Unpublished Records. 19 
 
 And over the Border, and round Solway moss, 
 Over which not the boldest durst ride ; 
 
 Lest his horse and he sink — irretrievable loss, 
 As sure as if drowned in the tide. 
 
 And over the moors, and through the fierce streams, 
 Where bridges or roads were not found ; 
 
 And through the foul swamp where the wild-fire 
 gleams, 
 And o'er many an old battle-ground. 
 
 Escaping pursuit to Hall Mochar they wend, 
 
 All hungry and tired, man and beast \ 
 Quick orders are issued that first they intend. 
 
 To slay and make ready a feast. 
 
 The fleshers are summoned the fattest to slay, 
 
 Ever ready to come at his call ; 
 The long oaken table must make its display, 
 
 Green rushes must carpet the hall. 
 
 Strong ale from the cellars was soon in request, 
 
 Sir Mochar ordained it to be; 
 The maidens were ordered to don in their best, 
 
 That night he would spend in high glee. 
 
 He'd accomplished his object, replenished his store. 
 
 Had harried the fair glen of Nith ; 
 He spoiled the Scots, whom no goodwill he bore, 
 
 To them, or their kin, or their kith. 
 
 They had forded the Annan and fierce rolling Esk. 
 
 The deep winding Eden they swam ; 
 They had crossed the Derwent in glen picturesque, 
 
 And all came in safely but Sam.
 
 20 Cumbriana. 
 
 Now, Sam was a henchman, with countenance bright. 
 
 Of merry good nature and free ; 
 Sir Mochar had eyed him at morn and at night, 
 
 With jealousy fired was he. 
 
 The maidens encaged in that gloomy old hall, 
 
 Some innocent smiles would bestow ; 
 On the well-favoured youth, who was also in thrall, 
 
 So Sir Mochar resolved he should go. 
 
 Then mounted behind a stout yeoman was he, 
 
 And off to the raid he was sent ; 
 He was neither forewarned of what was to be, 
 
 Nor aware of Sir Mochar's intent. 
 
 The yeoman had orders — (forgot is his name,) 
 To unhorse the poor youth in the flood ; 
 
 And in crossing the Eden, that river of fame. 
 With the yeoman 'twas well understood, 
 
 That his horse was to curvette, and caper, and rear, 
 That the youth might be slipt off behind ; 
 
 So when the mid stream they had swam to or near, 
 All the Dwarf said was done to his mind. 
 
 For this yeoman got into the midst of the troop, 
 
 The cattle all swimming before ; 
 When his horse 'gan to plunge, and the yeoman to stoop. 
 
 As if he would help the lad more. 
 
 But he seized the youth's ankle with vigour replete, 
 
 And swinging him quickly around ; 
 Hitched him into the stream, and beneath the horse-feet 
 
 He Was kicked, and trampled, and drowned.
 
 Unpublished Records. 2i 
 
 Sir Mochar grew merry and so did his men, 
 
 And fast flew the gibe and the joke ; 
 And round went the can and the drinking horn — then 
 
 Sir Mochar attention bespoke. 
 
 He told of his deeds in the chase and the wars, 
 Of the numbers he'd struck to the earth ; 
 
 He boasted his misdeeds and showed his scars, 
 Then made them his subjects of mirth. 
 
 He told what he had done, and what yet he would do, 
 When the beeves he had stolen were eat ; 
 
 He'd again cross the Border to shew what he could do, 
 And never would dream of being beat. 
 
 He dwelt on his deeds and more boisterous grew, 
 
 He thumpt with his fist on the table ; 
 And swore at his yeomen their horns to renew, 
 
 For drinking would no man disable. 
 
 And still as he spoke he took time to refresh. 
 And direct can and horn to go round ; 
 
 He'd never be baulked, he swore by all flesh 
 He'd have all he wished above ground. 
 
 And quick went the horn, and fresh orders sent out. 
 For the maidens to bring in more ale — 
 
 Three cans at a time, capacious and stout, 
 And they to appear without fail. 
 
 He had wine in his cellars and brandy from France, 
 And the maids should all drink of the best ; 
 
 They should sing of his deeds, with his yeomen should 
 If only they came fitly drest. [dance, 
 
 " So call in the maidens and bring up the wine," 
 " And haste ye, I'll brook no delay;"
 
 22 Cinnbriana. 
 
 " To revel in freedom let all now incline," 
 " Or else, like the dogs, slink away." 
 
 " And hark ye, make room for the maidens I say,"' 
 
 A woodcutter came to report ; 
 He had seen the three wenches steal softly away, 
 
 In the dark, while the rest were at sport. 
 
 Then up rose Sir Mochar in fury and rage — 
 Struck his silver cup flat on the board ; 
 
 He cursed the maidens and bann'd the dead page. 
 And roared in vengeful discord. 
 
 ^o^ 
 
 Some minutes before and the hall had resounded 
 
 With jollity, drunkenness, mirth ; 
 It now rang with vile imprecations unbounded, 
 
 To all which Sir Mochar gave birth. 
 
 He shouted — " To horse ye dark villains and ride ;"^ 
 " Take the pack and divide it in three ;" 
 
 " Scour the country at speed, and if the maids hide,'' 
 " Bring them hither. I'll teach them to flee ! " 
 
 They saddled their horses, all tired as they were. 
 
 And rode on the search in the dark ; 
 The dogs were unkennelled and snufted the air. 
 
 Where the maidens had not left their mark. 
 
 They scoured the woods, and they skirted the mire, 
 They beat round the bush and the tree ; 
 
 They durst not delay nor too often enquire. 
 Though they wished the maidens were free. 
 
 Sir Mochar had thoughts that his men might neglect 
 
 To do his commands — or allow 
 The maids to escape ; or in some way protect, 
 
 Or show favour he did not know how.
 
 UnpitblisJied Records. 23 
 
 So he mounted black Rook and rode furiously forth, 
 
 His axe slung his shoulders behind ; 
 Determined to ransack east, west, south, and north. 
 
 Resolved his maidens to find. 
 
 He heard the dogs bay in three separate arts, 
 As each maiden to homeward was aiming, 
 
 And fleeing in terror to different parts, 
 And aid from above ail were claiming. 
 
 The dogs Avere too true, and stuck close to their trail,. 
 
 The men were obliged to hark forward ; 
 For fear their stern master should suddenly hail 
 
 In the rear of them, southward or norward. 
 
 *j 
 
 He did, and o'ertook them in Hodyoad ghyl, 
 As one man was clutching the victim ; 
 
 When up rode Sir Mochar and swore he would kill 
 Any one who dared thwart or restrict him. 
 
 And up went his axe to the stretch of his arm, 
 And down quick as thought on the maid ; 
 
 Her blood spirted up in his face, red and warm. 
 And a corse she was instantly laid. 
 
 A grey-headed man looked up at Sir Mochar, 
 And said, " Sir, you'll rue this when sober," 
 
 He then in his arms attempted to lock her, 
 When Mochar, as sure as October, 
 
 Laid him dead at his feet. The maid was his daughter, 
 And both in grim death were now laid ; 
 
 The father had hopes if he join'd them and sought her, 
 He might save her from harm — so he prayed. 
 
 Sir Mochar enraged at himself for this deed, 
 Made Lamplugh echo his dread curses ;
 
 24 Cimibriaiia. 
 
 He vow'd lie would save the fled twain if the speed 
 Of black Rook would but make him their nurses. 
 
 So homeward he rode in his fury ; a hound 
 
 Was again fiercely laid on the scent ; 
 The trail of the hunt the dog readily found, 
 
 He furiously following, went. 
 
 Crossing Black-beck with speed — over Pardshaw-crag 
 Heard the dogs in the dark keenly cry ; [dash'd — 
 
 Through the edge of MossRinghe flounder'd and splash'd, 
 Then found the ^Miite Causeway's path dry. 
 
 Then onward he hurried to Eaglesfield crag, 
 
 But there he arriv'd too late \ 
 For the ban-dogs had seized the maiden, to drag 
 
 Her down to the earth to her fate. 
 
 And just as Sir Mochar rode up to the scene, 
 
 Her short dying shriek rent the air ; 
 The dogs had her throttled, with savageness keen, 
 
 Before he could bid them beware. 
 
 One moment he looked at his dogs as they tore 
 
 At the throat of the victim, her hair 
 Was unloosed and lay spreading and drinking her gore, 
 
 As it reeked from the throat of the fair. 
 
 Then up went his axe and with unfailing stroke 
 He clave a dog's skull — 'twas his best ; 
 
 He mangled and mauled some others, and broke 
 The ribs and the backs of the rest. 
 
 And there they lay howling and writhing in pain, 
 
 And rolling the victim upon ; 
 While he 'gan to curse and to blaspheme again, 
 
 For success on that night he had none.
 
 Unpublished Records. 25 
 
 He turned black Rook to homeward once more, 
 
 And bitterly spmTcd his flanks ; 
 Rook bounded and snorted, and swiftly he bore 
 
 Sir Mochar to other vile pranks. 
 
 Rook swift and untiring, soon brought him to home, 
 Where he learn'd the course of the third 
 
 Of his maidens, whose aim to the east was to roam, 
 And to flee his foul house like a bird. 
 
 To the eastward he followed in bitter remorse, 
 
 The fugitive hoping to save ; 
 But four of his yeomen approach'd with the corse 
 
 Of the maid from a watery grave. 
 
 She had heard the deep bay of the dogs on her track, 
 
 And she fled in all haste in the dark ; 
 The briers and thorns tore her dress from her back. 
 
 And on her fair skin left their mark. 
 
 Towards Loweswater lake she fled bleeding and sore. 
 Rushing fast down the hill in her fear ; 
 
 The dogs close behind when she stept on the shore — 
 The horsemen alarmingly near. 
 
 She stood for a moment — turned round on her foes — 
 Gave a shriek that echoed o'er the lake ; 
 
 Then headlong she plunged — brought her life to aclose, 
 And baulk'd the fell hounds of their take. 
 
 For a moment he thought o'er the ills of that day. 
 
 And the evils befaUing the night ; 
 And saw that in all he had made the chief play, 
 
 And that all had been done by his might.
 
 26 Ctimbriana. 
 
 Disappointed he swore that none of their kin, 
 
 Or his yeomen, should ever again 
 Break bread or tak^ shelter, his castle within, 
 
 While it on the earth should remain. 
 
 Now frantic with rage he spurr'd home with a will, 
 
 And finding his warder asleep ; 
 Blaspheming he swore every man he would kill, 
 
 If his castle sank twenty miles deep. 
 
 No sooner he said than a terrific peal 
 
 Of thunder the foundations shook ; 
 The lightnings gleam'd, and the turrets did reel, 
 
 And the knight and his steed black Rook, 
 
 With castle and all sank fearfully deep, 
 
 The waters rush'd up and around ; 
 And closed above them and laid them to sleep — 
 
 No more were they seen on the ground. 
 
 Thus perish'd Sir Mochar the dwarf in his sins — 
 
 A forfeit his lands to the crown ; 
 And thence the possession of Multon begins. 
 
 And Percies of ancient renown. 
 
 The stones of the tower may still be discerned, 
 When the tarn is tranquil and clear ; 
 
 About twenty feet deep, by those who are learned. 
 And have eyes of the wizard or seer. 
 
 On Michaelmas night if the stars are not brigiU, 
 Nor the mist on the water too dense — 
 
 No matter how windy or stormy that night 
 If th' observer possess a due sense
 
 Unpublished Records. 27 
 
 Of ihe power of his sight, and put faith in it all, 
 
 He may catch a mysterious sight 
 Of a something slow-floating, emerge from the tall 
 
 Reeds and rushes, jnore dark than the night. 
 
 And slowly and softly the tarn three times 
 
 So quietly voyaging round ; 
 And then with a sough of the wind's soft chimes. 
 
 Disappear with a lurch and a bound. 
 
 This phantom is thought to resemble black Rook, 
 
 On Avhom his grim master bestrides 3 
 And all may pronounce, who on it may look, 
 
 It's like nought in this world besides. 
 
 On fine Sunday mornings in summer they say. 
 Church bells may be heard ringing clear ; 
 
 By all who believe in this legend and lay. 
 And the sound always thrills them with fear. 
 
 • - 
 
 And those whom the sins of Sir Mochar dragg'd down 
 
 (Who not of his sinning partook ;) 
 Wear each a white robe and a golden crown, 
 
 With a bishop's pastoral crook. 
 
 They dwell in a palace of crystal below, 
 
 Of hundreds of fathoms so deep ; 
 And this is the whole that we mortals may know 
 
 Till we rise from our last long sleep. 
 
 W. D. 
 Workington, 1875. 
 
 — aT-^5f^a«--2-«
 
 28 CiLinbriana. 
 
 B RANKS AND SONKS. 
 
 A GENTLEMAN farmer, residing near Penrith, relates 
 that in one of his journeys to the fairs in the north of 
 Scotland, about 1830, he travelled by coach and sat 
 alongside of the late Mr. Thomas Tweddle, of Askerton 
 Castle ; on remarking that their pace was slow- 
 Mr. Tweddle said, " Hoot man ! sen Ey meynd, we 
 used to tak } en o' the naigs fray the pasture, and just 
 clap the branks on his head an' the sonks on his back, 
 an' away we went. An' thou kens that was a gey bit 
 slower, an' we cudna de ony better i' thir days." 
 
 Branks were a kind of bridles with hempen head- 
 stalls without bits, and Sonks were turf saddles. 
 
 Fancy the discomfort of riding two or three hundred 
 miles with such accoutrements and no stirrups ; or 
 perhaps only rope stirrups, if any ! 
 
 CARRYING IT OUT. 
 
 A DUEL took place between Sir James Lowther and 
 Sir Frederick Vane, when Sir James shot his antagon- 
 ist through the foot. The Rev. Henry Lowther's 
 father had been second to Sir James and was his heir, 
 and was not a little surprised when Sir James called on 
 him, some two years after the duel, to request him to be 
 ready to second him again, as he meant to have 
 another shot at the villain, and that he had only been 
 waiting till the wounded foot was healed. Mr. Lowther 
 demurred and finally declined, saying Sir James had 
 already had satisfaction. Sir James turned away in a 
 huff, and made a will leaving the whole property to 
 William, another branch of the family, the father of 
 the present (1869) Earl of Lonsdale.
 
 Unpublished Records. 29 
 
 WJLLY LAMB. 
 
 In 1843 I heard various anecdotes of William Lamb, 
 the late owner and occupier of Fell End farm in 
 Ennerdale, and amongst them were the following : — 
 
 One Thursday morning Willy was on his way, slow 
 and easy, to Whitehaven market with his butter for 
 sale ; when near Hensingham he observed two 
 boys playing at marbles, and heard them dispute 
 about a buck-rabbit. "Buck-rabbet, buck-rabbet," 
 says Willy, " Darret I I want a buck-rabbet." 
 
 The boys were willing to sell him the rabbit, but 
 not unless he waited the conclusion of their important 
 game. He sat on horseback, with his basket of butter 
 on his arm, a patient and seemingly interested spec- 
 tator, until the play was finished, when he went with 
 the boys to their mother's house in Hensingham to 
 view the rabbit. The mother scolded the boys for not 
 having bought butter for her, instead of playing at 
 marbles till the market was over. 
 
 Willy pleaded for them, saying the market could 
 not be over when his butter was not there at all ; and 
 after long altercation they agreed to exchange the 
 rabbit for a part of the butter ; when he finding he 
 had really "missed his market" turned his horse and 
 rode home with his bargain and the remains of his butter. 
 
 Though the farm he occupied was his own, the 
 house was so old and bad that the only place in it 
 free from rain-drop, on a wet day, was under the large 
 beam across the old-fashioned open fire place. 
 
 One very stormy day a neighbour found Willie toil- 
 ing at the churn, and the rest of the family all assem- 
 bled under the beam as the only place they could 
 stand dry in.
 
 30 Qunbriana. 
 
 He was so very indolent as to leave his potatoes in 
 the ground all the winter and take up a supply as wanted; 
 but the snow laid so long one winter that Willy was 
 obliged to purchase a supply at a sale, till the thaw came, 
 and he could lift his own. Sometimes, when spring 
 arrived and Willy had potatoes to spare but still in the 
 ground, he would turn them up with the plough, and 
 after adding a little manure, would quietly turn them 
 in again for another season's crop. 
 
 His improvidence, with the aid of a costly lawsuit 
 against Moses Nicholson, whose bull threw Willy over 
 a hedge, reduced his means till he was obliged to sell 
 his estate, after building a new dwelling on it, and 
 scarcely having time to finish it. Times Avere not 
 brisk, and he had some difficulty in disposing of his 
 estate ; but having succeeded, he went home rejoicing, 
 and ordered his wife to prepare something good for 
 supper, as he had at last got his land sold, for he had 
 long been plagued with it. His wife was sorry rather 
 than glad, and unwilling to make a feast ; having 
 nothing better than ordinary fare in the house he 
 was not to be put off in this way, saying, he 
 was always fond of good eating ; and bade his wife 
 kill the young grey goose, as she had only sat a fort- 
 night, and would make a nice roast. Accordingly the 
 poor goose was killed, skiimed, and roasted, and Willy 
 enjoyed his feast on the sale of the only property he 
 ever had. 
 
 Willy was parish clerk at Ennerdale for many years, 
 and prided himself greatly on his vocal performances 
 as a psalmist ; and when he felt the pinching of want 
 he laid great blame on his parents, who, he said, would 
 not buy him a fiddle, he who had so fine an ear for 
 music ! Being always of opinion that his ruin was to 
 be imputed to the want of the fiddle. He was fond 
 of hunting, and in his better days kept two or three
 
 Unpublished Records. 31 
 
 hounds to join the pack of the late Mr. Henry Westray, 
 of Eskat, Bow-bearer to the Earl of Lonsdale. One of 
 these, a black bitch called " Shifty," was his especial 
 favourite, and enjoyed a cushion in his arm-chair as 
 her bed ; when he was so far reduced as to find it 
 needful to apply for parochial relief, he was several times 
 repulsed until he consented to part with his hound. 
 
 PARISH PARLIAMENT IN OLD DAYS. 
 
 In a field called Deer-garth, on the Armboth Estate 
 in Wythburn, is a large grey stone having a sloping 
 flat top. Around this stone, called the " Girse Howe 
 Stone," Manorial Courts and public meetings of the 
 parishioners were formerly held, the attendants resting 
 their backs against the stone, or sitting or standing 
 around, according to convenience and the state of the 
 weather. 
 
 ABSOLUTION. 
 
 From an ancient manuscript register of the Prior of 
 Wetheral it appears, that Robert Highmore, Lord of 
 Bewaldeth, had taken a mare " of the goods of John 
 "of Torpenhow had got the mortuary, wherefore he" 
 " was excommunicated; — and having askedabsolution" 
 " and restored the mare to Sir Robert Ellargill vicar of" 
 " Torpenhow, and in remembrance given the six best " 
 " oakes in his wood to the vicar, the bishop of Carlisle " 
 " absolved him."
 
 32 Cumbriana. 
 
 WRECKING. 
 
 A VESSEL belonging to Captain Abraham Bell, of 
 Whitehaven, was wrecked on the Drigg coast some 
 years ago, and his brother and a friend went to take 
 charge of the wreck. A deep snow was on the ground, 
 so that they easily traced part of the plundered goods 
 to the neighbouring houses, and recovered it. The late 
 Mr. Thompson, of Sandford, assisted the care-takers 
 in the recovery, and also in the use of sticks and whips 
 in driving off the more audacious plunderers. 
 
 At the distance of a mile, or more, Mr. Anthony 
 Bell saw a person riding leisurely along on horseback, 
 landwards from the shore. At two or three score 
 yards behind this person the snow appeared to be 
 moving — the jumping motion of the snow keeping at 
 the same distance behind the horse ; on surveying 
 the procession with a glass, he at once suspected 
 it was some one conveying away part of the ship's 
 belongings. Taking horses, and going a circuitous 
 route, they came close upon the rider, (a blacksmith of 
 the neighbourhood), who had borrowed ropes and a 
 horse, and, with pipe in mouth, was composedly drag- 
 ging the ship's mast away. Surprised in the act, he 
 dismounted and cut the ropes, and as quickly leapt on 
 the horse and galloped off, leaving the plunder to its 
 proper owners. 
 
 STRANGE IF TRUE. 
 
 It has been reported that Sir bought a field, 
 
 and stipulated with the vendor that payment was to 
 be made Avhen the first crop was taken oft". The cal- 
 culating purchaser had the field sown with acorns, and 
 the first crop would be oak timber.
 
 Uupiiblished Records, 33 
 
 BATTLE WITH A BULL. 
 
 It is but seldom that an encounter takes place between 
 a man and a bull, and more seldom that the battle 
 ends in victory to the man. For once the fact can be 
 recorded as an instance of cool courage not often 
 heard of in rural communities. 
 
 In the very early part of the nineteenth century, Mr. 
 John Watson, of South Mosses, in the parish of 
 Arlecdon, had a big bull of the longhorned breed, 
 which was very much inclined to " fend " for himself 
 by ranging wherever he liked, and was also evil-dis- 
 posed towards mankind. 
 
 One sunny summer day, when people were busy in 
 their hayfields, Mr. Watson saw his bull trespassing in 
 a neighbour's pasture, and set off to drive it out, 
 leaving his hat and coat in the hayfield. He kept a 
 little rough-coated brown cur, which alone had any 
 safe control over the bull. The dog had not gone to 
 the hayfield with its master, but was basking at 
 home in readiness for an accustomed call to duty. 
 Hastening towards the bull, the master kept whistling 
 and loudly calling for " Mop " as he went — that call, 
 being well known by the bull, was often sufficient to 
 induce him to return sulkily crooning to his own 
 pasture. 
 
 Mr. Watson took a hayfork with him as a walking 
 stick, and to use as occasion might require. He got 
 into the field where the bull was before the dog came ; 
 and immediately as the angry animal saw him, it made 
 to him in a round trot, increasing in speed as it came 
 nearer. The dog being yet too far off, no help 
 near, and no time to be lost, he had presence of mind 
 to place the end of the fork-shaft against the base of 
 the stiffest bull-toppin* within reach, and, pointing the 
 
 * The reed-like grass Aira caspititoa. 
 D
 
 34 Ciunbriana. 
 
 grains of the fork in the direction of the coming attack, 
 stood with it poised in his hand between his knees so 
 that he could raise the points or lower them to where 
 they were most likely to take effect. The faithful dog 
 was making its best speed, and reached, snapped 
 at, and bit the heel of the bull as it made its final 
 rush at its master, who met, with all the coolness of 
 a hero, or the courage of despair, the brutal assault, 
 and guided the prongs so judiciously as to pierce the 
 frontal bone of the bull a little above its eyes, and to 
 spring a little to one side, lest the impetus of its run 
 should force the animal upon him. The sudden 
 attack by the dog caused the bull to swerve and turn 
 round, with the pitchfork sticking in its skull and half 
 the broken shaft hanging to it ; and, while the dog 
 kept chasing and biting the heels of the bull, the 
 owner got away in safety. 
 
 The bull I saw many times after with the two 
 wounds of the hayfork above its eyes, and its manners 
 were considerably improved by the collision. 
 
 Once on breaking bounds on a hot day, previous to 
 the above, this white bull missed his footing and 
 plunged into a very miry sowe, and floundered about 
 in it, sinking deeper and deeper till he was all covered 
 except his head and horns. At last he found a foot- 
 hold, and by a strong effort managed to scramble out, 
 greatly quieted down. The peaty mud dried on his 
 hide and converted the white into a dusky black bull. 
 He wore the mantle during several dry days, but on 
 rain coming it gradually left him, and he was himself 
 again, and as riotous as ever. 
 
 3->-*5^^«^!-1S
 
 UnpjLblished Records. 35 
 
 WILL O' THE WISP. 
 
 In my younger days, before much progress had been 
 made in draining the marshy lands and bogs of West 
 Cumberland, I often heard of Will o' the Wisp having 
 been seen in still or mild nights, hovering and dancing 
 over the wet and low-lying districts. 
 
 Previous to that draining period, the ague had been 
 a prevalent disease in the neighbourhood of moist 
 localities. Happily, this malady has entirely left us ; 
 and its usual companion, the ignis faiuus, is rarely, if 
 ever, now seen, since the evident cause has been in a 
 great measure removed. 
 
 Travelling homewards on a mild and moist evening 
 in late autumn, over an undrained route on the highest 
 part of Dean Common, I was fortunate enough to 
 have a convincing proof of the occasional existence of 
 the phenomenon of Will's Wisp. I was on horseback, 
 and the horse I rode was only partially dried after a 
 slight shower; without thinking of such a subject 
 I was agreeably surprised by a pale greenish flash of 
 light approaching the mane of the horse from a few 
 inches' distance, and instantly receding and disappear- 
 ing in the darkness. This occurred in the same 
 playful manner a few times, when the light grew rather 
 more vivid, and at last it settled on the mane before 
 me — quivering and jumping with the trotting motion 
 of the horse. It was at times so transparent that I 
 could easily distinguish the black mane through it. 
 At other times the light was dense enough to obscure 
 the object beneath it. After going a iew score yards 
 at a smart trot and admiring the unusual visitant, I 
 ran my hands up the mane, when the phosphorescent 
 light disappeared for a moment, and again settled as 
 before. This was experimentally repeated a few
 
 36 Cwnbriatia. 
 
 times, and no sensation of heat felt, when the beautiful 
 light capriciously divided, and a portion attached 
 itself to the ends of my black silken neckerchief I 
 tried if this portion would disappear by stroking with 
 the hand, and it did so, and reappeared two or three 
 times, when both illuminations gradually vanished, 
 and I felt some regret for having disturbed my singular 
 and pleasing companion. Probably the pace the 
 horse was going might have some effect in severing 
 the appearance from me. Since that night, now more 
 than forty years ago, I have never been favoured with 
 any similar sight, though often exposed in the same 
 way, and often thinking of the circumstance. 
 
 FORESTALLING CORN. 
 
 It was stated in i860, that J. B , of C- 
 
 in the Abbey Holme, a wealthy man, had then sixty 
 stacks of grain standing in a field of about five roods 
 in extent, and they had been decaying there thirty or 
 forty years. A very near neighbour estimates that 
 sixty other stacks of grain, in various stages of decay, 
 may be seen on other parts of the farm. While an 
 elder brother of the owner was living, a cart was laden 
 with wheat for Wigton market, and some difference 
 as to the price to be asked occurring to prevent its 
 being taken away on the day intended, it has since 
 stood so long, that the owner has had the cart-wheels 
 three times painted to prevent decay. In the granaries 
 numbers of stacks stand filled with grain, and they 
 have stood there so long that if handled or touched 
 they would almost to a certainty fall to pieces. About 
 1840, a good sized ash tree was seen growing through 
 one of the stacks.
 
 Unpublished Records. 37 
 
 COBBLER'S BILL RENDERED. 
 
 Whitehaven.) 18 — 
 Mr. St /. 
 
 To y^ohn Lar?iey, Dr. 
 
 s. d. 
 
 Nov. 16 To clogged up, Miss o 2 
 
 Dec. 14 „ mended up, Miss i 31^ 
 
 Jan. 13 „ toe topped, Master o 3 
 
 April I „ turned up, clogged up, and ) 
 
 mended, the Maid J ^ 
 
 May I „ lined, bound, and put a patch ) . 
 
 on, Madam j 
 
 „ 10 „ soling, the Maid o 83^ 
 
 „ 14 „ topping, Madam o 6 
 
 ,, 15 „ putting a patch o 2^^ 
 
 „ 16 „ stretching and easing,little Master o 2 
 
 M 
 
 £0 5 sX 
 Settled., 
 
 y^ohn Larney. 
 
 MILITARY DISCIPLINE. 
 
 When, seventy years ago, England was threatened 
 with invasion by the French, the Cumberland volun- 
 teers, under the command of J. C. Curwen, Esq., 
 were assembled at Workington for drill. The drill- 
 ground was then on the fine green level of threescore 
 acres between St. Michael's Tower and the sea, which, 
 since that time, has carried about fifty acres of it away. 
 After two or three weeks' training, Adjutant Dawson 
 came to inspect and test the efticiency of the volun- 
 teers. Captain John Hetherington's Branthwaite com- 
 pany were put through the ordinary exercise and passed
 
 38 Cumbriana. 
 
 with approbation. They Avere then examined as to 
 the order of their arms and accoutrements, when Brown 
 Bess with her flint locks was found sadly awanting. 
 
 The adjutant was so incensed that he d d them 
 
 and ordered them to the " right about," facing the sea 
 at high water. The company was formed of farmers' 
 sons and farm servants : tall, strapping, well-looking 
 fellows with their sergeant, Will Pearson, a noble look- 
 ing man, known to and liked by all. The next order 
 was " march," and they stumped to the water's edge 
 without a recal. Not knowing what was to follow, 
 the men eyed the Serjeant, who liked sport and saw 
 the dilemma, and he in an undertone said, "Gang in, 
 lads, he'll not drown ye." 
 
 In they slowly marched ; some much amused, others 
 not relishing the bath, but all ready to obey orders. 
 
 Until over knee-deep they got on pretty well ; but 
 as the slope continued and the slippery stones in- 
 creased in number and bulk they found greater diffi- 
 culty, and many got ducked. Some few dropped their 
 guns in the deep water and many a dive took place 
 for recovery ; but the water being clear, all were even- 
 tually found. The sergeant, a tall grenadier, kept 
 quietly encouraging his men. The adjutant on shore, 
 enjoying a hearty laugh at their discipUne and deter- 
 mination, when he sav/ them nearly up to their necks 
 called a " halt " to " right about." Welcome was the 
 command, and a scramble was made for the shore ; 
 but before it was reached Pearson had them formed 
 in regular order, and the adjutant with all due solem- 
 nity complimented the men as they stood in the 
 water, and said that although they had hitherto been 
 known as the dirty company, lie hoped they were now 
 perfectly clean and would remain so ; and as to their 
 courage, they were fit to face the French or the devil 
 with Pearson at their head.
 
 Dr. Gibson's Anecdotes. 39 
 
 DR. GIBSON'S ANECDOTES. 
 
 Dr. a. C. Gibson having kindly handed to me the 
 manuscript of his amusing lectures on the Folk-lore of 
 the lake district, with permission to publish, it is with 
 no little pleasure I avail myself of his liberal kindness, 
 and duly acknowledge his ability as the best living 
 writer of songs and other productions, in the Cumber- 
 land, Westmoreland, and Furness dialects. His 
 anecdotes and traits of character must entertain every 
 one ; and much instruction may be gathered from his 
 lively descriptions. 
 
 His inimitable " Joe and the Geologist" and " Bobby 
 Bank's Bodderment " are sufficient to place him at the 
 top of the first rank in that department ; and his 
 various historical pamphlets, and other writings in con- 
 nection with the Cheshire and Lancashire Historical 
 Society, induce us to wish he had written much more. 
 
 Let him speak. 
 
 Most of the specimens of humour that I have given 
 so far, may be said to be nothing more than demonstra- 
 tions of oddity or absurdity, and, were I to stop here, 
 it might be held that though the people, whose amusing 
 qualities I am endeavouring to elucidate, do possess 
 the faculty of saying and doing what may excite laughter 
 by its grotesqueness, its eccentricity, or its mere folly, 
 they are not gifted with the attribute of wit, or origi- 
 nality, clever sayings, happy repartees, sly sarcasms, 
 or smart satires. I believe, however, that I can draw.
 
 40 Cumbriana. 
 
 from the other end of my memory's wallet, a few recol- 
 lections that may prove them to be no more destitute 
 of the power of making witty remarks, than they are of 
 the habit of saying what is merely funny or ludicrous. 
 Of aptness of repartee, for instance, I think the follow- 
 ing a tolerable example. 
 
 Those who were in the habit of riding or driving 
 through the lake district some years ago, may remem- 
 ber that at the turnpike gate between Grasmere and 
 Dunmail raise, the toll used to be taken by a good 
 looking young matron, to whom it was a pleasure to 
 pay the pence, were it only for the sake of her bright, 
 black eyes. One summer morning, a party of young 
 men, on a walking excursion to Keswick, were ap- 
 proaching this gate, when one of the company, who 
 had some pretensions to the character of a wag, stept 
 briskly out before the others to the open door of the 
 toll-house, and called out, "What have these fellows 
 to pay?" The pretty toll-taker hurried out and seeing 
 nothing but a group of pedestrians, replied sharply, 
 " Nowte!" "Nowte," said the wit, staring up at the 
 table of rates, " what, I see there's a charge for asses." 
 "Yes," said she, readily, " but there's nin for feuls, sooa 
 thoo may gang on." 
 
 Of pointed innuendo I remember two or three speci- 
 mens which I think worth preserving. 
 
 In the Lancashire part of Lake-land, three genera- 
 tions of congenital or hereditary doctors have lived and 
 thriven, all following other occupations, but enjoying 
 considerable repute amongst their rustic neighbours 
 for skill in curins; the diseases of both man and beast. 
 The first of the family who took up the healing trade, 
 (an eccentric, but shrewd old fellow of whom many 
 queer stories are told,) chanced to be at the little inn 
 at Lovvick bridge, near Ulverston, soon after he had 
 announced his intention of practising surgery as an ad-
 
 Dr. Gibson's Anecdotes. 41 
 
 ditional branch of business, and there encountered a 
 neighbour who, from his notorious habit of speaking 
 in a bitter, ill-natured style, was known by the sobriquet 
 of Reeden't, (that is cross-grained,) Coward. He 
 immediately accosted the self-qualified medico with, 
 " What I hear thu's ga'n to tak up doctorin'." "Why," 
 said the old Jack of all trades, for such he was, "what 
 than? What hest'e got to say agean it?" " Nay, nowte 
 mich," said Reeden't Coward, "only mind thou docters 
 nowte but fooak." "What for that," demanded the 
 doctor. " Why, for this," said Coward, " thou sees 
 beeasts cost brass." 
 
 Of the same stamp is another, which occurred at 
 the same snug little house of entertainment. 
 
 An old doctor of the neighbourhood, not self- 
 qualified like the last-mentioned, but exceedingly pun- 
 gent and rough, not to say coarse in his ordinary 
 speech, often called at Lowick Bridge when making 
 his rounds, for a glass of ale; and, on one such occasion, 
 was asked by the landlord what he thought of the ale 
 he was drinking. "Well, not much," was his frank 
 reply. " It should be summat extra," said the land- 
 lord, "I hed t' moat o' t' way fray Scotland." "Fray 
 Scotland, hed ye' ? " said the doctor, " than nixt time 
 ye' brew, I think yo'd better git yer moat at beam an' 
 fetch t' watter fray Scotland ! " 
 
 Another story with some of the medical elements in 
 it, was told me long ago in a different part of the lake 
 country. 
 
 A farmer at Lorton sent to some distance for a cow 
 doctor to visit one of his cattle. Some time after- 
 wards the doctor met his client "in' t' market i' Cock- 
 erm'uth street," and enquired after his patient. " O," 
 said the farmer, "she's finely — she mendit reet away, 
 efter that stuff ye' gev her — she's finely, an' I o' much 
 obleeged tuU ye." " It's ower lal," said the doctor,
 
 42 Onnbriana. 
 
 scratching his head, " Its ower lal. I will wurk as 
 cheap as any bod}- — -bit vnich obkeged tull ye' won't 
 dee!" 
 
 Another story, again from the south, is still more 
 pointed — and I give it here. 
 
 On a dark Candlemas evening, a druggist from 
 Ulvetston, driving down a road, shaded with wood, 
 about fifteen miles from home, came upon a heap of 
 road material which had been throAvn, very improperly, 
 from a gravel pit over the roadway, so as to leave but 
 little room for carriages to pass. The consequence 
 was that the gig was upset with such violence that its 
 occupant was pitched a considerable distance into the 
 wood, sustaining some damage, particularly to his 
 clothes. The parish surveyor, a small landed proprie- 
 tor of the old school, through whose carelessness the 
 accident occurred, soon afterwards received a demand 
 for the payment of damages done to vehicle, harness, 
 and wearing apparel, the heaviest item in the account 
 being a new great coat, which was said to be utterly 
 spoiled. The whole amounted to what I remember 
 considering the very moderate sum of ^2^13, for which 
 the surveyor, after taking advice and ascertaining his 
 liabilities, gave a bill at three months ; cunningly, but, 
 of course, erroneously supposing that, as his term of 
 office would expire before the bill came to maturity, 
 his liability would be transferred to his successor. 
 However, he soon found out his mistake, and, to his 
 huge indignation, had to provide for the bill from his 
 own private funds. Still smarting under the remem- 
 brance of his loss, he went the following Candlemas to 
 Ulverston, and strolling up the main street, when 
 near the Sun Inn, he spied his enemy, as he deemed 
 him, standing at his own shop door on the opposite 
 side, and called out, "Well, ha'e ye been gitten' anew 
 cooat leeatly ?" and, receiving an affirmative answer.
 
 Dr. Gibsons Anecdotes. 43 
 
 continued, " And whatten parish ha'e ye been in this 
 year ? " Taking out his revenge by insinuating that 
 the unfortunate druggist was in the habit of clothing 
 himself at the cost of the parish officers round about. 
 
 Mere sharpness of reply often takes an amusing 
 turn, though there be nothing essentially witty or 
 humorous in the construction of the said reply. Thus : 
 an elderly man who had wrought hard all his life at 
 the slate quarries in the beautiful and secluded little 
 valley of Gillerthwaite, astonished his neighbours one 
 week end by informing them, rather suddenly, that he 
 had made up his mind to go and see London. His 
 acquaintances, to whose minds the idea of a journey 
 to London presented an incomprehensible amount of 
 difficulty and peril, said all that could be thought of 
 to dissuade him from carrying out so foolhardy a 
 project ; and one of them asked him in a tone which 
 showed that the objection conveyed in the query was 
 considered unanswerable, " What's putten Lunnon 
 into yer soft aid heed ? He'a ye any frinds i' Lunnon?" 
 " No," said the determined old traveller, " I gitten 
 ne'a frinds theear yit ; but," giving a jingling slap to 
 his breeches' pocket, " I's ga'n ut teeak a frind wi' me!" 
 
 A tolerably stinging reproof is sometimes adminis- 
 tered in the vernacular of the dales by the out-speak- 
 ing natives, in a manner that merits illustration, and 
 the following may, I think, be recorded as a fair 
 example : — 
 
 A late landlord of the Salutation Inn, at Ambleside, 
 was standing in front of his house, engaged with some 
 other veterans of the neighbourhood, in discussing 
 their several ages. The subject of their conversation 
 attracted the attention of a young nobleman staying 
 at the hotel, who was afterwards distinguished by his 
 prominence in some of the freaks supposed to be 
 rather common at that date amongst the junior aristo-
 
 44 Cunibriana. 
 
 cracy. His lordship lounged up to the little conclave, 
 and, referring to their discussion, drawled out, " I say, 
 Stalkah, what shall I be like when I'm an old fellow 
 of 70 or 80 ? " Mine host, not having much respect 
 for a lord who was a lord and little more, replied, with 
 more curtness than courtesy, "Why, thou's a young 
 feeul now, an' thou'U be an aid feeul than." 
 
 The Quakers of Cumberland and Westmoreland, in 
 the generation now almost passed away, not having, 
 when young, the educational advantages possessed by 
 their children in the great scholastic establishments 
 belonging to the Society at Wigton, Ackworth, and 
 elsewhere, were plainer in their speech and more 
 simple in their habits, probably in consequence of 
 having less scholarship. But though their minds were 
 less cultivated, or possibly because they were so, they 
 were more quaint, more unlike ordinary people, less 
 conventional, and therefore more interesting than their 
 descendants, who are now conforming more and more 
 to the ways of the world — while the strict integrity, 
 the universal conformity to the rules of life prescribed 
 by their religion, the regard for truth and fair dealing 
 that I found to prevail with those members of the body 
 amongst whom for a time my lot was cast, and with 
 whose ways of life and habits of thought I had suffi- 
 cient opportunity of becoming intimately acquainted, 
 have left upon my memory an impression of esteem 
 and respect that time will hardly efface. It is, there- 
 fore, not intended as a reproach, much less a sneer, 
 that I here relate a circumstance exemplifying the 
 curious ignorance of the meaning of even ordinary 
 words, which at that time, say five and twenty years 
 ago, was not uncommon amongst the senior agricul- 
 tural Friends in Cumberland. 
 
 I was walking at night with a Quaker farmer up the 
 meadows skirting the Marron, where that pretty little
 
 Dr. Gibson's Aiiecdoies. 45 
 
 stream separates the parishes of Lamplugh and Dean, 
 and our conversation turned upon some doggerel rhymes 
 which had appeared in a Whitehaven newspaper, and 
 were said to be founded upon a story about an old 
 gentleman having shot his own great coat hanging in 
 his orchard at night, under the impression that the 
 coat was a thief This doggerel had borne the title of 
 " A Lamplugh Legend," and I was condemning the 
 publication of it as an unwarrantable invasion of the 
 privacy of domestic life, and an impertinent attempt 
 to throw ridicule upon a respectable neighbour, when 
 my companion said, " O ! there was nowte amiss in it 
 only calling the man such a name." " Name," said I, 
 " what name was he called ? " " Why, kgetid" said the 
 unlettered Friend, " I think it was a varry wrong thing, 
 whatever thou may think, to call any man such a name 
 as that." "Legend!" I exclaimed, "it's the story 
 itself, and not the old gendeman it's told of, that was 
 called a legend ; and, very likely, it was called so to 
 show that even the writer himself thought it mightn't 
 be true." " Nay, nay ! " said he, with what I thought 
 was a touch of the proverbial obstinacy of his sect, 
 " How can a story be an evil spirit ? for that's what 
 legend means." " Nonsense," said I, "it simply means 
 an old story that nobody would vouch to be true." 
 "Ah !" said he, " thou's welcome to thy own opinion 
 about it ; but when I was at Cockermouth, t'other day, 
 I ass't a man from Embleton, a varry knowledgable 
 man too, an' he said legend means the devil's brother 
 or any evil spirit ; an' thou cannot say it was right to 
 give such a name till an old man an' t' father of a 
 family." I was silenced, of course, and it was some 
 days before the solution of this odd definition of a very 
 common word dawned upon me, but when it did I had 
 no doubt that my worthy neighbour and his Embleton 
 oracle had confounded legend with legwji, and that the
 
 46 Cnmbriana. 
 
 latter had drawn his interpretation of the word from 
 that passage in the New Testament where a devil is 
 made to say, " Our name is Legion," and so on. 
 
 Many anecdotes have been told of the ready wit 
 and quiet humour of this respectable sect, but I think 
 the following has hardly been surpassed. 
 
 Two elderly Friends, both members of the congre- 
 gation that assembles at the ancient meeting-house 
 near Pardshaw, were imbued with a very unquakerlike 
 mutual hatred and hostihty, and not only quarrelled 
 bitterly when they met, but missed few opportunities 
 of reviling each other behind their backs. One of 
 them, talking of his detested neighbour in the usual 
 strain, was checked by another Friend, saying, " Thou 
 shouldn't speek i' that way of him ! Thou knows he's 
 yan o' t' pillars o' our meeting." " Ey," was the reply, 
 " but there's different mak's o' pillars ; there's a kind 
 they co' caterpiUars — he's yan o' them ! " 
 
 Of the odd indirect manner of conveying a reproof, 
 or expressing dissatisfaction, said to be characteristic 
 of this Society, a tolerably amusing specimen has been 
 reported to me as having occurred at Kendal. — A 
 well-known member of the Society of Friends resident 
 in that most Quakerly of towns, employed a man at 
 day's wages to delve his garden. On looking in 
 towards evening to ascertain progress, the Friend was 
 rather disgusted to see the very small space of ground 
 that had been turned over during the day, and ad- 
 dressed the workman thus : — 
 
 " Thou itmst be a strong man." " Nay," said the 
 gardener, with becoming modesty, " Fs nit sa Strang 
 as I used to be." " I don't know what thou hast been," 
 said his employer, " but I think thou must be a very 
 strong man still, I don't believe there's a man in Ken- 
 dal but thyself, that could squeeze so long a day's work 
 into so little room."
 
 Dr. Gibson's Anecdotes. 
 
 47 
 
 It is not often that Quakers are led into the indis- 
 cretion of raihng against other sects ; and it is not 
 common with them to allow themselves to be carried by 
 the heat of disputation to such unwarrantable lengths 
 as were reached in the following instance. A Quaker 
 gentleman, of Ulverston, or the vicinity, dining with a 
 party of neighbours at the ordinary, at the Sun Inn 
 there, was baited rather unduly on certain church 
 questions, respecting which he was known to hold very 
 strong opinions ; the discussion gradually increasing in 
 warmth and freedom, culminated in a hot dispute upon 
 the character and conduct of church ministers in 
 general, on which the Quaker expressed a very decided 
 opinion, and justified it by adducing the instance of a 
 clergyman of Low Furness, who, not long before, had 
 been convicted of forgery at the Lancaster assizes, and 
 condemned to transportation. "Well, but surely," 
 remonstrated some of the company, " surely you don't 
 bring a convicted criminal forward as a fair sample of 
 our clergy?" "Yes, I do," said the Friend, doggedly, 
 " Yes, I do — I consider him to be a very fair average 
 parson!" 
 
 It is well-known that in the early days of Quakerism 
 its proselytes and disciples were not the unobtrusive and 
 peaceful religionists that their descendants of our times 
 must be admitted to be, but offered much more than a 
 merely passive resistance to the claims and pretensions 
 of the Established Church, and often brought trouble 
 upon themselves by entering the churches, interrup- 
 ting the services, and disturbing the congregations. 
 One very laughable instance of these over jealous 
 demonstrations, in which the intruding Friend was 
 signally discomfited, is given, in a note, in Nicolson 
 and Burn's History. 
 
 At the date of the story, nearly two hundred years 
 ago, the clergyman at Shap, whose name was Dalton,
 
 48 Cumbriana. 
 
 was what is locally called peed, — that is, blind of one 
 eye. He had gone to preach for a neighbour parson, 
 called Fothergill, in the chapel of Ravenstonedale, 
 and, when in the middle of the service, was interrupted 
 by the entrance of one of the primitive Friends, who, 
 not knowing that the pulpit was occupied by a stranger, 
 planted himself in the centre aisle, and called out, 
 " Come down, thou fause Fuddergill ! " The clergy- 
 man, without any signs of annoyance, quietly asked, 
 " Wheea telt thee 'at I was fause Fuddergill ? " and the 
 reply was, " The spirit within me tells me what thou 
 is — so come down ! " " Then," said the priest, " the 
 spirit within the' is a lying spirit, — for ivery body here 
 knows 'at I's Peed Dawton fray Shap ! " 
 
 A book was published some time ago, on the signs 
 of public-houses. It has attracted considerable atten- 
 tion and excited much interest in most literary circles, 
 especially amongst those who are more or less de- 
 voted to subjects of social archaeology. Our district 
 would afford some curious materials for such a book, 
 and there are one or two stories of signs which happen 
 to serve my present purpose, as this : — 
 
 A man at Wigton, having taken a public-house, was 
 desirous of setting up an attractive and appropriate 
 sign, and, with that view, consulted a friend who 
 happened to possess a little classical learning. The 
 friend suggested Bacchus as something both suitable 
 and attractive. Now I remember one of the White- 
 haven papers taking an amateur concert-singer to task 
 for refining the name of the jolly god into Bake-hus, 
 thus : — 
 
 " Bring in Bak-hus, all divine, 
 And fill the bowl with rosy wine." 
 
 The Wigton sign-seeker would have reversed this 
 mispronunciation, for the only Bacchus he was 
 acquainted with suggested something widely different
 
 Dr. Gibso}is Anecdotes. 49 
 
 from either rosy gods or rosy wine ; and he remon- 
 strated with his classical adviser to this effect, — 
 " Bacchus ! Bacchus ! ! — T' sign for that wad be a 
 yubben mooth, an' mebbee a leeaf or two — but I's 
 wantin a sign for a piiblic-\\oosQ, nit a bak-hus !" 
 
 But a better joke than this is told of a sign at 
 Ambleside. 
 
 When Dr. Watson, the celebrated Bishop of 
 Llandaff, came to reside at Calgarth, on Windermere, 
 he purchased several small properties in that part of 
 the country; amongst others, an old established 
 public-house at Ambleside, which, like several that I 
 recollect, was well and widely known by the sign of 
 the Black Cock — generally abbreviated by the country 
 people, amongst whom it was popular, into the second 
 syllable. When the property became the Bishop's, 
 the host, wishing to propitiate his new superior, pro- 
 posed to substitute his most reverend head for the 
 sable fowl that had crowed silently over the door for 
 unknown generations. Dr. Watson, in contravention 
 of the example set him by Sir Roger de Coverley, 
 readily accepted the proposed compliment, and very 
 soon a rude but unmistakable portrait of the prelate, 
 with shovel hat and episcopal wig, took the place of 
 the old and homely device, somewhat to the disgust 
 of the customers ; and, what was a more serious 
 matter, the landlord of an upstart opposition house 
 adopted and set up the superseded sign, and the 
 bishop's tenant found himself between the horns of 
 an awkward dilemma : either that he must resume 
 the popular designation of his hotel, and so, in all 
 probability, give offence where he was anxious to 
 please, or, otherwise, see some of his customers go 
 to the rival house, under the influence of the name 
 they loved for its very antiquity. He, however, met 
 the difficulty with notable ingenuity — for very soon 
 
 £
 
 50 Cumbriana. 
 
 another board appeared, immediately under the 
 bishop's Ukeness, inscribed, " This is the Old Cock," 
 it is to be hoped with all the success it merited. 
 
 In the invention of exaggerations and impossibili- 
 ties, our Yankee cousins have long held undisputed 
 pre-eminence ; but I have heard in the lake-country, 
 one or two of this class of facetiae which, although 
 perhaps inferior in raciness to many of their American 
 prototypes, possess a very satisfactory degree of ex- 
 travagance. 
 
 I remember the respectable tenant farmer of Crake- 
 place Hall, apropos of a newspaper account of some 
 enormous vegetable production tnat I had related to 
 him — turning to, and, with all possible gravity, telling 
 me the following : — 
 
 " O, that was nowte tull a crop o' turmets 'at was 
 grown abeun twenty year sen bee Clem. Mossop o' 
 Prior Skeal, nar Co'der Brig. Its guddish grund theer, 
 and what wid that, and heavy muckin an' wide thinnin 
 cot, he rais't sec turmets as niver was heerd tell on 
 ayder afooar or sen — they wer' sa big. Fwoke com 
 fray o' parts to leuk at them; an' aboot Martinmas a" 
 young bull fairly eat his way intul yan on them, as a 
 moose may'd intul a cheese, an bead theer. They 
 thowt t' beast was lost till a while efter Kersmas, when 
 he woak't oot on't a gay bit fatter ner he went in. 
 Clem, was sa plees't 't he hed t' skell o' t' turmet carriet 
 yam, an' mead them put some lang sticks across't for 
 purches, an' it mead a famish hen hull — t' hens o' sat 
 in't at neet — while next winter, an' than it soffen't an' 
 fell togidder efter a hard frost." 
 
 An exaggeration, worthy of America, occurred in a 
 reply made by a guide on Coniston Old ]\Ian, to a 
 gentleman who asked him if the mists were thick there. 
 " Thick ? ey ! They're sumtimes that thick 'at ye 
 may'd drive a peg intuit mist an' hing up yer hat on't."
 
 Dr. Gibson's Anecdotes. 51 
 
 An Ambles'de guide being on Fairfield, with a 
 tourist, was asked by him if he thought the hiUs grew 
 larger as they grew older, and, by way of paying him 
 back in what he thought his own spurious coin, replied, 
 " Growe ? To be suer they growe ! I've heard my 
 fadder say 'at he mindit when Loughrigg Fell theear 
 wasn't mich bigger nor his hat." 
 
 Our dale people lack the imagination that is 
 required to emulate the Irishman in the manufacture 
 of that species of jokes called bulls. The only real 
 native Cumbrian bull that I remember at present was 
 perpetrated by the public bellman at Penrith, who 
 perambulated the streets with his bell one market 
 day, proclaiming the loss of an empty sack with a 
 cheese in it. 
 
 Sheer impudence often passes for wit in the lake 
 district, as well as elsewhere. Indeed, most of us will 
 find as much amusement in hearing quoted a reply or 
 a taunt, when humour depends upon ready audacity, 
 as from the choicest specimens of ready wit. Of this 
 reprehensible class of jokes the following may suffice 
 as a specimen, and also of the sort of impudence that 
 amuses the people of the dales. A very old lady, a 
 near relative of a late Member of Parliament for West 
 Cumberland, was lately taking a walk in the lane 
 behind her residence, not far from Windermere, when 
 she met a little ragged'»urchin whom she did not re- 
 cognize as belonging to the neighbourhood. My 
 venerable friend (I may well say venerable, for she 
 was then within two or three years of a hundred) was 
 of an inquiring turn of mind — and she accosted the 
 boy in somewhat authoritative tone with the question, 
 •'Who's little boy are you?" and the young scamp 
 replied, in the Scottish fashion, with another question, 
 thus — "Wha's aid woman are yee?" 
 
 Of readiness in reply, I think the following a toler-
 
 5 2 Ctcmbriana. 
 
 able sample. A lame old man named William Bow- 
 
 ness used to travel about the southern part of the 
 
 lake district in a deep-sided cart that had been so 
 
 made to accommodate the calves which it was his 
 
 business to purchase in the dales, and carry oil to sell 
 
 to the butchers. From following this traffic for many 
 
 years, and from being rarely seen without a calf or 
 
 two beside him in the cart, he was known much better 
 
 by the name of Coaf Willie than by his own proper 
 
 patronymic — indeed I had known him for some years 
 
 before I discovered his rightful name. Old Coaf 
 
 Willie was one day driving past the smithy that stands 
 
 by the beautiful little stream called Yewdale Beck, 
 
 and close to the bridge that connects the two Conis- 
 
 tons. The smith, looking out of his shoeing shed, 
 
 called locally a teeo-fo, that is a to-fall or lean-to, and 
 
 observing that Willie's cart was empty, cried out, 
 
 "Willie! Whar't t' coaf?" and WiUie, touching his 
 
 pony with the whip, answered coolly, " In't teeo-fo !" 
 
 I remember once being a good deal amused by the 
 chaff that was kept up amongst some country lads, 
 who chanced to be fellow passengers with me in a 
 third-class carriage on the Kendal and Windermere 
 Railway. At the Stavely Station, one, who seemed 
 more of a wag than the others, imitated the sharp 
 blast of the starting whistle and exclaimed, " Now mj- 
 lads ! — Anudder feed o' corn * an' off we go ! " And a 
 more matter-of-fact sort of fellow, who seemed to 
 prefer something more substantial to chaff, said, ver)- 
 gravely, " We' gitten nowte to chowe corn wi'." "We 
 dunnat chowe it," said the first, " we swally it yall ! " 
 Whether by corn he meant to typify the passengers or 
 the money of the proprietors, I was not able to dis- 
 cover. 
 
 An artist friend of mine, who resides at the pictur- 
 
 *The corn was evidently the coal supplied to the engine furnace. — Ed.
 
 Dr. Gibson's Anecdotes. 53 
 
 esque village of Sawrey, has a servant named Miles — 
 a very handy fellow, and very useful to his master in 
 mounting canvasses, making stretching frames for 
 pictures, and other such jobs. On one occasion Miles 
 essayed a more ambitious achievement, and made a 
 new stock to his gun. Rather proud of his handi- 
 work, he carried it to the principal place of resort in 
 .the village — the shoemaker's shop — and, exhibiting it 
 to the master, exclaimed, " Theear ! what think ye o' 
 that, Joe? " After examining it carefully all over, he 
 returned it to the maker, saying drily, "Well, Miley, 
 nut to be a gun-stock, it's as like a gun-stock as owte I 
 iver seed i' me life ! " 
 
 The following has been told to me by an intelligent 
 dalesman, as proving that some of the tourists who 
 over-run the country are in nowise intellectually 
 superior to the country people themselves : — Two 
 young men of the tourist class were sitting in the 
 coffee-room of the Royal Oak, at Keswick, when one 
 was overheard inquiring of the other, " Which do you 
 think the finest — Derwentwater or Keswick Lake?" 
 " Why," said his friend, " I should say they were 
 synonymous." " Well," rejoined the querist, " so they 
 are, no doubt, but I think Derwentwater by far the 
 most synonymous of the two ! " 
 
 Instances of misapprehension of the meanings of 
 unaccustomed words and phrases are often quoted in 
 the district. One of the best of them was told of a 
 wealthy yeoman, well known in West Cumberland, 
 who was sent when a youth to Green Row to finish a 
 not very complete education, and being asked in class 
 what is a verb active, replied, " a lish an." The same 
 gentleman, when somewhat elderly, was dining at 
 Cockermouth Castle, and having inadvertently filled 
 his mouth with artichoke, husky leaves and all, he 
 put it out, and threw it over the table between the
 
 54 Cumbriana. 
 
 guests opposite into the fire beyond, exclaiming as he 
 did so, " Good Lord, what stuff gentlefolks does 
 eat!" 
 
 An imperfect version of the following has appeared 
 in the local papers ; it has often been told as an odd 
 illustration of the simplicity and ignorance of the 
 agricultural class : — A worthy farmer in Furness having 
 bought a weather-glass, from which he expected accu- 
 rate information on the present as well as the future 
 state of the weather, was considerably disgusted to 
 find that during the persistence of a spell of very wet 
 weather the pointer still kept inclining up towards 
 fair ; and at last on a pouring morning, seeing that the 
 barometer was indicating fine weather more decidedly 
 than ever, the farmer, quite out of patience, pulled it 
 down from its nail, carried it out into the rain, and 
 addressed the delinquent machine with, " Ista a leear 
 or ista nut a leear ? Thow girt clot-heead ! Wilt'a 
 believe they awn ee'n ? " 
 
 I could extend this list of trifles very considerably 
 did time permit, and if such extension were desired ; 
 but I think I have cited enough to accomplish the 
 purpose with which I proposed to set out. No doubt 
 many of my little specimen stories may be considered 
 insignificant and vulgar ; but if that were said I should 
 reply that an aggregation of trifles may constitute a 
 very important whole, that to a real lover of his kind 
 or the earnest student of human nature, nothing can 
 be insignificant which tends to make him more familiar 
 with, or to enhance his interest in, any previously 
 little-known class of his fellow-men. As to vulga- 
 rity, I should hardly trouble myself to repel that im- 
 putation. I have, long ago, come to the conclusion 
 that nothing can be offensively vulgar to a really 
 generous spirit that does not comprise indelicacy or 
 affectation, both of which, I trust, I have succeeded
 
 Dj'. Gibsoiis Anecdotes. 55 
 
 in avoiding while running my line of lake country- 
 anecdotes off the reel of my memory. 
 
 It is not so easy to say much about the lakes or 
 the people that dwell near them, without coming into 
 contact with the great poet whose long residence 
 there was, according to Miss Martineau, " the crown- 
 ing honour of the district." It is remarkable, there- 
 fore, that although Wordsworth professed to draw 
 much of his inspiration and many of his subjects from 
 the daily life of the humble and unlettered people 
 around him, he has altogether failed in interesting 
 them in his writings. The dales' men care and know 
 literally nothing about the poetry in which their for- 
 tunes and their failures, their virtues and their vanities, 
 seem to the educated and trained lovers of that class 
 of literature to be so beautifully, if tediously, and 
 sometimes painfully portrayed. 
 
 In the course of a conversation, which, in the 
 presence of a literary friend, I was once holding with 
 two respectable 'statesmen in Langdale, I was told 
 that the worthy dame we have just parted with was, 
 after many years of mutual kindness and services, 
 taken to Hve at Rydal by "Yan JMr. Wadswurth — t' 
 maister o' t' Stamp Office." My friend was rather 
 startled at this irreverent manner of treating the name 
 and calling of the great moral poet, whom, knowing 
 only through his works, he had been accustomed to 
 revere as one far above any of the ordinary offices of 
 life ; and desired me to enquire as to their knowledge 
 or estimate of Wordsworth as a poet, and I asked if 
 they'd ever heard that Mr. Wordsworth made poetry. 
 " O yes ! they believed he was a furst rate hand at 
 that mak' o' Avark." But this was said in a tone 
 indicating that they thought little of his position as 
 a poet in comparison with his dignity as chief dis- 
 tributer of stamps; I then asked if they'd ever
 
 56 Cumbriana. 
 
 read any of his poems. " No ! they couldn't say 
 they had!" 
 
 My lamented friend the late WiUiam Fell, surgeon, 
 of Ambleside, had a memory well stored with anec- 
 dotes connected with the romantic, and, as regards 
 the people and primitive district, in which he worked 
 so long and so usefully ; and had he, in some such 
 position as I now occupy, to relate those in the manner 
 in which it delighted him to tell them to his friends, 
 he would have been heard, I fancy, with a degree of 
 pleasure and satisfaction that I can hardly hope to 
 excite. One of the most striking of these incidents, 
 so related by Mr. Fell, was that of his coming upon 
 the poet — his illustrious neighbour and life-long friend, 
 seated under Hammerscar, spouting, gesticulating, 
 and apostrophizing the Aurora Borealis, which with un- 
 usual splendour, was shooting and glancing over the 
 lofty summits of Seat Sandle and Helvellyn. It was 
 a treat to hear Mr. Fell describe this encounter, but 
 then he was an educated man with well-cultivated 
 tastes and appreciative sympathies, and his less in- 
 tellectual neighbours, in humble life, regarded such 
 outbursts of poetic enthusiasm with widely different 
 feelings. One instance of the odd misconstruction they 
 put upon these demonstrations, which I think is worthy 
 of record, was told me by a well-known and talented 
 portrait painter, who, while executing commissions at 
 Ambleside, used to find his temporary studio made 
 use of as a favourite lounging place by the men of 
 leisure thereabout. Amongst the most welcome of 
 these loungers was the late Hartley Coleridge, who 
 then, and down to the time of his death, resided at 
 the Nab-Cottage on Rydal Water. Making his 
 wonted appearance at my friend's painting room one 
 morning, Hartley was accosted with the common 
 salutation of " Well, Mr. Coleridge, what's your news
 
 Dr. Gibsons Anecdotes. 57 
 
 this morning?" and replied, "Your enquiry reminds 
 me of the answer I've just had to the same. As I was 
 walking down I came upon a poor man from Rydal, 
 breaking stones, and like you 1 said, ' Good morning, 
 John, what news have you this morning?' and John 
 answered, 'Why nowte varry particlar, only aid 
 Wadswurth's brocken lowce ageen?' You must 
 know," proceeded Coleridge, "that the Poet Lau- 
 reate's muse is not always in a propitious mood ; and 
 occasionally, when he is in the throes of composition, 
 he goes about the lanes boo-oo-oo-ing away — and the 
 country people believe that what are really fits of in- 
 spiration are paroxysms of insanity." This is curiously 
 borne out by a similar anecdote that appeared many 
 years ago in Chambers' Journal, in a short but well 
 written series of papers on the lake country. The 
 writer, as well as I recollect, said, that while resting 
 in a cottage at Rydal, he asked the chatty old mistress 
 of the house if Wordsworth made himself neighbourly 
 amongst them, and she rephed, " Well, he sumtimes 
 gaiis booin' his pottery about t' rooads an' t' fields an' 
 taks na nooatish o' neabody ; but at udder times he'll 
 say, 'Good morning, Dolly,' as sensible as oyder you or 
 me !" These anecdotes are interesting, as giving us 
 a glimpse of the manner in which a great master 
 worked at his craft. It is well known that Words- 
 worth took more than usual pains and trouble in 
 elaborating and finishing his productions after they 
 were composed, and it is very probable that these 
 frequent mutterings and mouthings, which the people 
 about very naturally took for indications of mental 
 aberration, were outward signs of the process of polish- 
 ing and refining which his compositions, already 
 worked off, were undergoing in the mind of their 
 author. 
 
 Another of these stories, and then we'll try another
 
 58 Cwnbriana. 
 
 subject. — When the poet died, which he did at a ripe 
 age. a lad}' neighbour told the news to an old man 
 worlcing in her garden. After muttering a few ordi- 
 nary expressions of concern and regret, the old fellow 
 suddenly brightened up and said, " But what than — 
 t' mistress is a gay chverish kind of a body — I reckon 
 she'll be carrying on t' business." 
 
 It is not often we see cause to regret any conse- 
 quence of the general diffusion of education. Indeed, 
 it would hardly be true to say that such cause can be 
 seen, save, perhaps, in some very exceptional case. 
 In the central and southern lake country, however, 
 the now common possession of the accomplishments 
 of reading and writing, has rendered unnecessary the 
 existence of an interesting small class of public ser- 
 vants — for, now that the farmers and small 'states- 
 folk, or at least some of the younger members of 
 each of their households, are able to write their 
 own letters of business, friendship, or love ; the scriv- 
 eners, or deed and letter-writers, lately an important 
 and curious social institution in the dales have dis- 
 appeared. 
 
 Readers of lake Hterature will remember that -one 
 of the multifarious, perhaps incongruous, occupations, 
 by which the Rev. Robert Walker, of Seathwaite, — 
 " He by shepherd swains called Wonderful," contrived 
 to eke out his narrow income, was that of writing 
 letters and other documents for his illiterate neigh- 
 bours; and this work, according to his most distin- 
 guished biographer, accumulated so upon his hands 
 at Candlemas, when all settlements are made in that 
 part of the country, that he often wrought at his desk 
 the whole night through ; and, no doubt, had his mind 
 not been so much occupied by other matters (not the 
 least important of which was scraping money together), 
 Wonderful Walker might have preserved the recol-
 
 Dr. Gibson s Anecdotes. 59 
 
 lections of some remarkable events in the private 
 histories even of his primitive flock. 
 
 One of the last and most respectable of these general 
 scribes in the Windermere district was called Nichol- 
 son —husband of the very popular old lady who, for 
 many years after his decease, managed the post office 
 at Ambleside. His experience has been represented 
 to me as being rich in odd incidents and amusing 
 developments of character and feeling. One of them, 
 as related by himself, is sufficiently short and suffi- 
 ciently racy for my present purpose, and so I give it. 
 He had been sent for to draw out the will of a dying 
 'statesman in Langdale ; and the account he gave of 
 the proceedings as reported to me was this : — " It 
 was plain eneeuf 'at ther' was nea time ut looase, sooa, 
 I gat out my writin' gear an swattit me be t' bed, to 
 tak' down what he hed to tell me. Well, it seem't till 
 me 'at he want't to leeave sum'at till iverybody akin 
 tull him. Ther' was fifty pund till this an, an' fortv 
 pund till that an, an' thirty pund till sumbody else — 
 till I thowte he'd gitten gaily nar to t' far end o' what 
 he hed ut leeave — but ther' was niver a wurd about 
 owte for't wife, an' when he stop't I says, ' But hevn't 
 ye forgitten sumbody?' 'Nay,' saj'S he, 'Ther' nin 
 I forgitten, I think.' 'Yes, yes!' says I, 'ye for- 
 jitten t' mistress ! ' He rear't his-sel up i' t' bed when 
 I said that, wi meear stren'th nor I thowte was left in 
 him, an' t' wurds com hist out like, through his bare 
 teeth, as he said, ' Forgit her ? Nay, never ' I've hed 
 a sairy time on't wid her ! ' An' o' 'at I cud get 
 him ut due," continued the worthy scribe, " was to 
 leeave her a melder o' meeal." 
 
 A predecessor of Mr. Nicholson in the same office, 
 and in the same locality, was a man named Arthur 
 Mackerthwaite, and as one of his professional ex- 
 periences, the following outrageous story is told. 
 
 fci
 
 6o Cumbriana. 
 
 On a market day he was accosted by a countryman 
 who, in language strong and idiomatic, said he wanted 
 him to write a letter for him to a person of whom he 
 had ordered a pig, and who had sent one home with- 
 out a tail, a deficiency that he seemed to think was of 
 some importance. They adjourned to a public-house, 
 ordered in glasses and writing materials, and Macker- 
 thwaite commenced operations by asking what he was 
 to tell the delinquent. " Tell him ? " said his client, 
 whom the question threw into a fume, " Od hang him 
 for a snowk-snarrel an' a ghebber in a market 'at gangs 
 o' up an' down a town an' niver pays a shot — Od hang 
 him ! — tell him owder to send me a pig 'at hes a tail, 
 or send me a tail for thisan 'at he hes sent." This as 
 I have said is outrageous in its absurdity, but it is 
 scarcely more so than was the impatient reference to 
 his failing sight that was made by a veteran hunter, 
 whom I knew long ago. He formed one of a group 
 who gathered on the side of a deep hollow, in the 
 fells, and all save him had the rare good luck of a fine 
 view of the finish of a hunt on the opposite hill-side. 
 His companions detailed to him, as well as they were 
 able, the events that rapidly followed each other in 
 this, the most exciting portion of the chase, in the view 
 of which his defective eyes baffled all his efforts to 
 participate. At last, fairly maddened by their hurried 
 and eager account of what was going on within their 
 range of vision, he cried out, " Hang thor aid een o' 
 mine, I wish they wer' nobbut out o' togidder, I be- 
 lieve I wod see better through t' hooals." 
 
 This brings me to the subject of Mountain Fox 
 Hunting, a sport eagerly followed by nearly all the 
 men residing amongst the fells. The fox there is not 
 carefully preserved and cherished as in some parts, to 
 become the chief actor in a favourite sport, but is pur- 
 sued to destruction as the most mischievous of all
 
 Dr- Gibsons Anecdotes. 6i 
 
 vermin — is allowed no law, and shewn as little mercy. 
 The perseverance of his enemies is often wonderful. 
 I have known a fox go to earth in a spot where the 
 mixed rock and gravel rendered the process of un- 
 earthing very difficult, if not, as is often the case, 
 altogether impossible. His pursuers worked in relays 
 at this stronghold for more than six and thirty hours, 
 when they reached and despatched him : then they 
 carried the carcase, dangling from a pole, to the nearest 
 public-house, to drink his arval — which means a 
 funeral libation, paid for in such cases by the town- 
 ship where the capture occurs. 
 
 The nature of the country renders riding to hounds 
 an impossibility in the central and southern parts of 
 the fell district, and for those accustomed to the 
 facilities, or the merely stimulating difficulties, of a 
 good hunting country, it is not easy to appreciate the 
 pleasures of Mountain Fox Hunting, or the keenness 
 with which it is followed, or the fervour with which it 
 is enjoyed. 
 
 Apropos of this subject, I found in the Kendal 
 Mercury, the other day, a report of one of these fell 
 hunts, the writer of which seems equally an fait to 
 their peculiarities, and to the grandiloquent in para- 
 graph making; and as it seems more pat to my pur- 
 pose than anything I could do myself, I take leave to 
 appropriate it. 
 
 CONISTONE. 
 
 Splendid Fox Chase. — Actuated by an eager desire 
 to recover their late severe beatings, and inspired with 
 the sublime conviction that Dame Fortune, according 
 to her reputed custom, would in due course of events
 
 62 Cumbriaiia. 
 
 "favour the brave," the Conistone foxhounds had a 
 Kennel m-et on Saturday last. Strange though it 
 may appear, a kennel hunt means nothing else than 
 the top of Conistone Old Man. It was a glorious 
 winter morning, such a one as is not easily forgot. 
 The snow, it is true, was thick on the hills, but withal, 
 sweet, calm, and sunshiny. There is music up the 
 steep breast of the grand "Old Hill," or we would 
 tell of ever-shifting scenery, of fine panoramic views 
 of hills, and fells, and tarns, and lakes, for twenty miles 
 around. Roaring and raving through pass and glen 
 went the echoing cry of hounds and hunters, as a 
 brave old "duffer" scaled the heights above the Cop- 
 per Mines and over Wetherlam. The snow was 
 evidently too deep in the hills for reynard's pleasure, 
 and he forsook the wild mountains for the beautiful 
 scenery of Tilberthwaite, where banks of ferns, streams 
 deep and still, suggestive of well-fed trout, or swift and 
 bright, making pleasant music over their pebbly 
 courses, abound. After crossing the "beck" at Til- 
 berthwaite, for awhile the scent was indifferent, owing 
 to reynard's wet jacket, but it soon improved, and the 
 hounds, chanting like a "choir of martial monks," 
 pressed him on into Yewdale, where yews yet grow that 
 probably furnished bows for the archers of " lang syne," 
 that made the strings twang in many a hard-contested 
 field. After leaving the rude romantic valley, the 
 hounds and fox had it all to themselves, except now 
 and then an encouraging cheer from farm or cot as 
 they passed swiftly along, for all the hunters were left 
 far behind on the hills above Conistone. On — on, 
 went pursuers and pursued over Holme Fell and Iron 
 Kell, then swept like a flight of wild birds over the 
 outlaying plains between Pull Scaur and Latterbarrow, 
 making the village of Outgate re-echo, and the grey 
 towers of Wray Castle ring with aerial harmon}-. For 
 
 J
 
 Dr. Gibsoris Ajtecdotes. 63 
 
 neither brake nor borren did reynard turn aside, but 
 from find to finish pursued a straightforward course, 
 the hounds going all the time without " let or hin- 
 drance " at a high pressure speed, rolling forth billows 
 of harmonious music through the echoing hills. In an 
 open field on the shore of Windermere, at Bellgrange, 
 witnessed only by a solitary ploughman, foxey was 
 pulled down. The impetuous cry of the furious pack 
 resounded over the lake in every imaginable gush and 
 trill of melody, which, had it not been heard, would 
 scarcely have seemed possible to be of earthly heritage. 
 Like old soldiers after the battle with their remarkable 
 incidents, it is related that the Conistone hunters, 
 though they none of them saw anything of the hunt 
 but the opening burst in the early morning- — are 
 telling in great glee all the " ins and outs " of the 
 chase, and -showing "how fields are won." 
 
 I was conversing once with a gentleman who had 
 kept a pack of hounds and hunted the High Furness 
 country for very many years, in fact until the approach 
 of age and its infirmities warned him that it was time 
 to give it up. My old friend w^as a fine specimen of 
 the better class of yeomanry of the district, and could 
 talk as it chanced to suit his company, either in the 
 local dialect or in common English. On the occasion 
 I refer to, he was describing a chase when his pack 
 had raised a fox in the woods of Graythwaite, near the 
 foot of Windermere — ran him directly up the western 
 shore of the lake, past Ambleside, over Kirkstone, 
 mto Patterdale, and back over the fells into Rydal, 
 where they ran into him. " And how much of this 
 fine run did you see ? " I asked. " Why, we saw the 
 beginning on't," was his reply, " we followed as hard 
 as we could on to t' top o' Kirkstone, when we met a 
 man 'at had seen both fox and dogs down in Patter- 
 dale." " Well, then," said I, "I always thought it was
 
 64 Ctimbriatm. 
 
 a joke against you, but I find it's quite true, that you 
 think you've had a fine day's sport if you meet any- 
 body that tells you he has seefi the fox." " Confound 
 ye," cried the veteran, '' ye're not a bit better nor old 
 Tommy Barron, of Bowness, 'at used to say we mayed 
 crack as we liked about our hunting, an' our shottin, 
 an' fishin, an sic-like, but he never hed any sport at 
 com up to crossing t' watter tuU Furness Fells of a 
 het afterneeun, an' 'killin hag-worms." And having 
 got the laugh on his side, the old sportsman was satis- 
 fied. 
 
 One prominent feature in the character of the dales' 
 folk, and one which I should much regret to see mo- 
 dified or impaired to any serious extent, is their fru- 
 gality in living, and chariness of incurring any unusual 
 expense. This principle involves a large amount of 
 meritorious self-denial and renunciation, generally 
 cheerful and unaffected, of even very moderate 
 luxuries and enjoyments. It is, therefore, worthy of 
 respect, and I should be unwilling to be thought 
 capable of turning any reasonable manifestation of it 
 into ridicule. Occasionally, however, it developes 
 itself in a manner that afibrds amusement to any 
 spectator who, from having resided in towns or from 
 other circumstances, has not been accustomed to the 
 rigidly plain and homely style of living practised in the 
 dales. Indeed, familiar as I was for years with the 
 daily life and domestic habits of these worthy people, 
 their anxious and unconcealed avoidance of even a 
 very moderate and commonplace expenditure often 
 came upon me with an irresistibly laughable effect, 
 especially when accompanied by a disposition that 
 even amongst them was unusually penurious and 
 pinching, as in the following instance : — 
 
 A farmer, in very comfortable circumstances and re- 
 spectably connected, being ill, his appetite, very much
 
 Dr. Gibson's Anecdotes, 65 
 
 to his own disgust, became dainty and difficult to 
 please ; and one day casting about for something he 
 could fancy, he at length asked me if a bit of cheese 
 would do him any harm. Now the principal merit of 
 the cheese made by the wives in his vicinity — which, 
 as its makers boast, is "clear beatho' dirt and butter" 
 — is its extreme slowness of digestion — its property, 
 as they also say, of staying by ye — -and this, of course, 
 was out of the question as a bo)ine boiiche for a delicate 
 stomach. But, anxious to indulge his fancy for any 
 food not grossly improper, I told him that a bit of 
 cheese of better quality than that made by themselves 
 would do little harm. " Oh," said the sick farmer, 
 " ye mean gud Lankister cheese ? " " Yes," I replied, 
 "good cheese, such as you may buy at the grocers' 
 shops." His face immediately assumed an expression 
 showing that he had made up his mind to do some- 
 thing tremendous, and, striking his hand upon the 
 bed, he exclaimed, " I'll send for a quarter of a pund 
 on't." 
 
 This true story rather reminds us of that which, I 
 daresay, you have all heard, of the country lad, at 
 Cockermouth fair, wishing to treat his sweetheart to a 
 ribbon, and learning that some she fancied was two- 
 pence a yard, cried out, " Cum than — we'll nut be 
 shabby for yance — whang her off a quarter of a yard 
 on't." 
 
 The most general, and perhaps the most strongly 
 marked manifestations of this unwillingness to part 
 with money, however, are those exhibited in the coun- 
 try people's dread and abhorrence of anything that 
 tends to increase the poor rates. It is not too much 
 to say that the duty of keeping the rates down is part 
 of their religion, for, generally speaking, they have no 
 religious feeling half so strong, and no moral principle 
 to which they are half so devoted. I never incurred 
 
 F
 
 66 Ctujibriana. 
 
 so much popular displeasure, or was subjected to so 
 much hard language, as once when, inadvertently, I 
 took a lodging for a sick stranger woman, without re- 
 flecting that the place I had her brought to was not in 
 the same parish as that where her illness began, with- 
 out anticipating indeed that she was likely to apply 
 for parochial relief at all. She did so apply, however, 
 and in doing so brought a storm about my ears which 
 I am sure I shall never forget. 
 
 The most outre incident arising from this inordinate 
 horror of even an individually imperceptible increase 
 of rate that I have heard of, occurred in the same 
 township some time before I made the blunder just 
 noticed. A 'statesman of considerable means, but 
 of sordid habits and exceptionally coarse manners, 
 one morning, not far from his house and near to the 
 boundary of the township in which he was rated, came 
 upon a worn-out tramp lying by the roadside, and 
 evidently dying. Knowing that if the man died there, 
 his township would probably be put to the expense of 
 finding a coffin and a grave for him, the wealthy rate- 
 protector hurried home for a horse and cart, and, 
 assisted by his sons, carried the miserable wayfarer 
 over the boundary into the next township, and laid 
 him down there to die, which he speedily did, his 
 death being accelerated, in all probability, by the re- 
 moval. This sharp trick had no greater success than 
 it deserved. The transportation had been seen by 
 certain of the ratepayers to whose shoulders the bur- 
 then was sought to be transferred, and the result was 
 that our acute old friend, to escape consequences still 
 less pleasant, had to bury the stranger at his own 
 proper cost. For this he never forgave him, but con- 
 tinued to curse his memory so long as he continued to 
 live. The sight of the tramp's grave, or even of the 
 churchyard where he lay, always as he left the public-
 
 Dr. Gibson's Anecdotes. 6j 
 
 house that adjoins it, would excite his ire to active 
 demonstration. He would grin and shake his fist at 
 it, and, addressing the unconscious offender that slept 
 beneath, would say with a powerful oath, " Thou ligs 
 theear snug aneeuf, but it steeud me in a bonnie 
 pennie to put the theear." 
 
 The peculiarities of the dialect, and the manner in 
 which they are made to appear, have not unfrequently 
 a very odd effect. Two anecdotes extracted from a 
 paper of mine on " The Ethnology of the Lakes," pub- 
 lished several years ago in the Transactions of the 
 Historic Society of Lancashire and Cheshire, have re- 
 cently gone the rounds of the newspapers ; and I now 
 recur to them as aptly illustrating this particular phase 
 of the ludicrous. The first was an imperfect account 
 of an adventure of my own, which happened in this 
 wise : — 
 
 I was walking up the pleasant little village of Bran- 
 thwaite, and came upon an old lady villager pottering 
 over something or other in the gutter near her house. 
 Wishing to propitiate her, I remarked that there had 
 been a good deal of rain in the night, for the river was 
 swollen. " We co' it a beck," said she very snappishly, 
 and turning her back upon me, called out to her 
 grand-daughter, " to bring oot t' scrapple." And I, 
 with some deference of tone, asked simply, "What 
 may a scrapple be ? " when the girl came out with a 
 small coal-rake, to which the old dame pointed, say- 
 ing, " Whe, that's what a scrapple may be ! " And as 
 I moved away, rather sheepishly, I heard her call 
 across the road to a neighbour, " I doon'tknow whoar 
 t' doctor's been browte up, he co's t' beck a river, an' 
 doesn't know what a scrapple is." 
 
 In the other story, a boatman on Ullswater, in reply 
 to the rather foolish enquiry, as he no doubt con- 
 sidered it, made by a gentleman he was rowing, "Does
 
 68 Cnnibriana. 
 
 it ever rain here ? " said, " Why it douks and dozzles 
 an' does, an' sumtimes gi's a bit of a snifter, but it 
 niver cums iv any girt pell ! " 
 
 Several amusing illustrations of the Cumbrian habit 
 of abbreviating the definite article, THE, into its first 
 letter have long been in circulation, and are often quoted 
 by writers on the dialect. I think the best of these, 
 however, has not yet been published, which is this : — 
 
 Two gentlemen, a resident in Whitehaven and a 
 visitor, were walking on the old North Wall there, 
 when the former asked a boy they met what ships had 
 come in by the tide, then past the height. The lad's 
 answer seemed to be this, " There was Tenry, an' 
 Tebe an' Tant an' Tatlas an' Taurora," an apparently 
 alliterative string of ships' names which rather mystified 
 the stranger, to whom it had to be explained that this 
 was their informant's, and indeed most of Whitehaven 
 people's, way of pronouncing the names of vessels 
 called the Henry, the Hebe, the Ant, the Atlas, and 
 the Aurora, which were all well-known colliers at that 
 time, say thirty years ago. 
 
 With regard to the curious manner in which the 
 dialect varies in different parts of this county, it will 
 be remembered that in the interesting essay prefacing 
 his " Glossary of Cumberland Words and Phrases,'' 
 my friend Mr. Dickinson, the best informed, the most 
 accurate and most exhaustive of the lexicographers of 
 our native speech, has divided the county into three 
 portions— North-East, Central, and South- West. Now 
 it is only in the middle district that pure, unsophisti- 
 cated Cumbrian is spoken. In the South-west — " up 
 i' Oopha an daown i' Millom " — the dialect is con- 
 siderably mixed up with those of Lancashire and 
 Westmoreland, which certainly do not improve it. In 
 the North-east it is adulterated with Scotch : I say 
 adulterated advisedly, for while pure Scotch and pure
 
 Dr. Gibsoiis Anecdotes. 69 
 
 Cumbrian are to me more delightful than any other 
 spoken sounds, the mongrel speech compounded of 
 both, as used on the immediate south of the Border, 
 grates on my senses very disagreeably. The South- 
 west dialect, though inferior both in music and strength 
 to the pure Norse-rooted vernacular of Central Cum- 
 berland, is not so unpleasant as the northern vitiation, 
 and its difference, except in some idiomatic phrases, 
 exists mainly in the pronunciation of the vowels 
 and diphthongs ; but I think you must agree with me 
 in preferring whoar to whar, or snow to sna, w'ole 
 to hooal, heid to heead, feiil to feeul, and so on. 
 These differences have sometimes been a source of 
 amusement to me. I remember being interested 
 in over-hearing a young miner from Borrowdale 
 taxing his energies in trying to teach a native of 
 Coniston, where the dialect is nearly that of South- 
 west Cumberland, to pronounce the word school in 
 his fashion — Scheul — all his efforts being ineffectual 
 in getting anything from his pupil but scheeid. 
 
 I was still more amused at the same place, when 
 standing, one winter evening, in the spacious kitchen 
 of the Black Bull Inn there, talking with the landlady 
 — a gem without polish, but also without flaw — and 
 our conversation was interrupted by a man poking his 
 head in at the door and asking, " D' ye want any 
 flooks, mistress?" "Any what?" inquired Mrs. Bell, 
 *' Flooks," repeated the man. " I mun cum an' see 
 what ye gitten," said she, and went out. In about 
 a minute she returned in a chafe, saying, " Burn t' 
 fellow wi' his flooks — He toaks sa fine yan doesn't 
 kna' what he meeans." " What would you call them ? " 
 I asked. "Why fleeuks ! " said she, "Yee wod be 
 war ner t' man girt like, an say flooanders, but to my 
 fancy, fleeuk is meeast like his bisness." I inferred 
 from this that my plain spoken hostess knew the fish-
 
 70 Ciimbriana. 
 
 cadger's meaning all along, and pretended ignorance 
 to punish his assumption of a refinement unbecoming 
 his occupation. 
 
 Of this notion, that the nature of the subject spoken 
 of should influence the character of the language 
 applied to it, the following is a rather amusing illustra- 
 tion. I was chatting with a gentleman, in Lamplugh, 
 who did not generally express himself in the dialect of 
 his neighbourhood. He was relating to me some in- 
 cidents showing how much his premises were infested 
 with rats, and whenever he named them he called 
 them, in the country manner, rattens. His daughter, 
 who was present, at length remonstrated with him on 
 using a vulgarism which involved the trouble of using 
 also a superfluous syllable, and asked, " Why can't you 
 call them rats, papa ? " He, evidently thinking that 
 there Avas no occasion to be so particular with vermin, 
 replied rather scornfully, " Rattens is good enough for 
 them ! " 
 
 One peculiarity of speech prevails all over the lake 
 district, and, indeed, is by no means confined to it — 
 I refer to the habit of employing adjectives, without 
 any regard to their original signification, as exaggera- 
 tives or intensifiers of other adjectives of quite distinct 
 and often of very opposite meaning. Of this, we may 
 commonly hear such examples as a terrible fine day — 
 a cruel nice woman — a 'larming good crop ; and once, 
 as I was walking up the lane that leads from the 
 Cockermouth road past Skelsmer to Lamplugh Church, 
 I found the old blacksmith from Ullock leaning against 
 the hedge, and talking with a party of workmen en- 
 gaged in hacking up the surface of the road prepara- 
 tory to relaying it. I remarked that they were making 
 a rough road of it in the meantime, and the smith 
 interposed, " Ey, I was just tellin them 'at they're 
 spoilin' a heitioiis gud rwoad."
 
 Dr. Gibson's Anecdotes. 71 
 
 I remember hearing in the same rural parish a curi- 
 ous application of the very expressive word ieta — 
 which is generally used as a verb, meaning to harass 
 or distress. I was sitting in the night-time by the 
 fireside of a worthy unlettered methodist, who think- 
 ing it right to improve the occasion, broke out sud- 
 denly, and apropos of nothing, with, " 1 often think 
 aboot Adam an' Eve; what a sad job it was 'at they 
 sud ha' spoil't oor property as they dud ! " " Ey, ey ! " 
 assented an old female neighbour who was sharing 
 our vigil, " Ey, ey ! it was a sair tew that." 
 
 While in this locality I may mention that a joke, 
 which within the last few years has had place in the 
 facdice column of very many newspapers, was told to 
 me long years before it appeared in print as having 
 originated in Lamplugh. The people there have, or 
 had a custom of saying that Lamplugh Cross is " eight 
 miles from ivery spot and sixteen from Keswick." If 
 one take the trouble to investigate this saying, the 
 comprehensive expression, " ivery spot," will be found 
 to limit its application to the five towns of Egremont, 
 Whitehaven, Harrington, Workington, and Cocker- 
 mouth. Near to this curious centre of civilization, 
 the story went that a man, well known in the parish, 
 and affected with an impediment of speech when hur- 
 ried or excited, though at ordinary times he spoke 
 well enough, was breaking stones at the roadside, 
 when a traveller rode rapidly up and called out, " How 
 far is it to Keswick ? " Poor Tom essayed to give the 
 information demanded, but after sus — sus — sussing 
 for a long time, the rider waiting impatiently, and find- 
 ing himself unable to bring out even the first syllable 
 of the " sixteen mile," went upon another tack, and 
 setting his breath free, roared out, " Hang the', gang 
 on — thu'll be theear affbar I can tell the't." 
 
 This story reminds me of another, turning upon a
 
 72 Cumlriana. 
 
 similar inquiry, and reflecting rather severely upon 
 the fair fame of a village, not quite like "ivery spot," 
 eight miles from Lamplugh Cross : — A lady it is said 
 was approaching it from Whitehaven, and asked a boy 
 how far she was from Distington, when the ill-natured 
 whelp replied in terms which I would not like to re- 
 produce or to allude to farther than to say they did 
 not answer her inquiry. They however seemed to 
 answer her purpose, for she said politely, " Thank you, 
 my boy — I know I cannot be far from Distington 
 
 when I hear such language as that." 
 
 * * * * 
 
 An aged and childless couple, who resided in White- 
 haven — in one of the narrow thoroughfares which con- 
 nect Queen Street with Scotch Street — had dwelt to- 
 gether so long, in what Wordsworth, apostrophizing 
 Charles Lamb and his sister, very beautifully called 
 " dual loneliness," that they had ceased to regard or 
 to speak of themselves or each other as separate exist- 
 ences ; and instead of saying I or me, or my husband 
 or my wife, both had acauired a habit, when referring 
 to him ' or herself or each other, of saying, " yan on 
 us," and this habit was maintained till they had reached 
 extreme age ; when one sad morning the old man 
 awoke and found that she who had so long formed 
 part and parcel of his own life, was lying dead beside 
 him, having departed in the night, and that so peace- 
 fully as not to disturb the husband sleeping at her 
 side. On making this terrible discovery, the old man 
 rose, opened the window, and alarmed the neighbours, 
 who, shocked and s\mpathising as they were, could 
 hardly hide their amusement as he kept repeating, 
 " O dear, yan on us is deed — yan on us is deed ! " 
 
 Almost painfully in contradistinction to this gro- 
 tesque, and yet very beautiful manifestation of perfect 
 conjugal union, is an incident which came under my
 
 Dr. Gibsojis Anecdotes. 73 
 
 own observation in the southern part of the lake dis- 
 trict, equally ludicrous but by no means equally pleas- 
 ing. The proprietor of a pretty little estate on the 
 banks of one of the finest of our lakes, had a wife 
 whose temper was only surpassed in acerbity by that 
 of her husband. He had the advantage, too, of being 
 gifted with a vastly superior knack of making very 
 ugly remarks. For many years anything like a kindly, 
 or even a civil word had never passed between them. 
 The matrimonial chain galled both sorely; and the 
 cup of life, filled up with constant wrangling and strife, 
 became more and more bitter as age crept upon them. 
 The pitiable woman, when I knew them, was severely 
 afflicted in body as well as in mind. She had lost her 
 sight for some years, and one of her knees became 
 aff"ected by disease, rendering amputation of the limb 
 necessary. This operation was performed, and the 
 amiable husband evinced not the slightest interest in 
 the proceedings which he knew w^ere going on within 
 doors, but went plodding stolidly about his ordinary 
 work outside. As the surgeons were leaving the house, 
 they met him bringing in the cows, and were accosted 
 by him with, "Well, hae ye gitten her leg off"?" 
 " Yes." " Ah, t' hang ye," said he, " ye've began at 
 t' wrang end ! " And seeing the doctors look rather 
 bewildered, he exclaimed in a tone that showed he 
 meant it all, " I say ye begun at t' wrang end — ye sud 
 teean her heead ! " 
 
 The opinion on matrimony in general of this un- 
 worthy member of the worthy 'statesman class, may- 
 be gathered from another anecdote, which I had from 
 the active and useful dissenting minister, who himself 
 figures in it, and who has now, I believe, been for 
 many years located in one of the coast towns of 
 Cumberland. This gentleman served three chapels, 
 several miles apart, on the Sundays, and held occa-
 
 74 Ciimbriana. 
 
 sional week-day services besides in another dale many 
 miles away. One of his meeting-houses occupied a 
 retired situation near to the residence of the cross- 
 grained old yeoman I have just been dealing with, 
 who compounded for sins he was inclined to by attend- 
 ing public worship there pretty regularly. The ininis- 
 ter one day informed the congregation that he \yished 
 to have collections made in aid of the Baptist Mission- 
 ary Society. In this he was strenuously opposed by 
 our cantankerous friend, who, in reply to the state- 
 ment that the society contributed in an important 
 degree to the support of the chapels, and, therefore, 
 was entitled to something in return, exclaimed, "We 
 kna nowte about na missionary societies — ther' was 
 land left for t' suppoort o' thor chapels, an that's o' 
 'ats' want 't." "Nay, nay, Isaac," said the patient 
 pastor of this impracticable sheep, "ye cannot say 
 that twenty-five pounds a year is enough to keep your 
 minister and his wife and his pony." " Why," per- 
 sisted Isaac, "it's reet aneeuf ye' sud hev apooany — 
 ye cud n't weel get throo yer wark wi'out it — but _ es 
 for t' wife, I dooant see what ye hed u't due wi' sick 
 fancies ! " 
 
 The married state, in the uneducated particularly, 
 seems to develop extreme sentiments and sometimes 
 to call forth rather irrational demonstrations of feel- 
 ing ; and in the lake country, where the people are 
 not much in the habit of suppressing their feelings or 
 concealing their sentiments, they oftentimes crop out 
 in a manner that affords amusement to an observer. 
 An example of this in one, and that the most agree- 
 able, direction, occurred in the boast made to a neigh- 
 bour by a fanner's wife at Dean. " Ooar John,'' said 
 this fortunate wife, " ooar John niver contradictit me 
 iv his life. If I war to say 'at black-puddings grew 
 upon churry trees an' sossingers com ruddy mead fray
 
 Dr. Gibson's Anecdotes. 75 
 
 t' moon, he wadn't say udderways ! Wadn't thoo nut, 
 John?" she continued, appealing triumphantly to her 
 husband who was present. " Neea, my lass, I wadn't," 
 was his response, " wadn't say udderways if thoo said 
 I com ruddy mead fray t' moon mysel' ! " 
 
 This may be taken as an example of unreasoning 
 harmony in married life, interblending the absurd with 
 the affectionate ; but I have known the reverse of the 
 matrimonial medal, equally unreasoning discordance, 
 manifest itself in a form combining the absurd with 
 the brutal. 
 
 Thus : a fellow in Westmoreland, given to staying 
 out at night, came home once even later than usual, 
 and finding his uncomplaining wife sitting up for him, 
 began incontinently to beat her. The poor woman 
 protested against such treatment when she hadn't said 
 a word to provoke it, and the preposterous scoundrel 
 exclaimed, " Neea ! thoa said nowte — I kna thou said 
 nowte ; but th'u's a thinkin divel ! " And so the poor wife 
 was punished for the unexpressed thoughts which her 
 husband knew his conduct must of necessity give rise to. 
 
 The following offers a simple and very homely ex- 
 ample of the unselfish kindliness of married life — so 
 pleasing to contemplate, and, as I am glad to attest, 
 so far from rare in the class from Avhich most of my 
 illustrations are drawn. 
 
 An old man, who lived at the low end of Working- 
 ton, was roused in the middle of the night from a 
 sound sleep, fairly earned by a long day's work, I 
 think in the Ropery, to be informed by his wife that 
 she could not sleep a wink. I believe that most of us 
 would have exhibited some litde irritation under these 
 circumstances; but this fine old Trojan, giving his 
 sleepy eyes a rub, and suiting the action to tlie Avord, 
 said, " Can te' nut, my lass ? Can te' nut ? Why then, 
 let's sit up and hod a crack."
 
 76 Cimibriana. 
 
 It is curious that as I recal each of these simple 
 illustrations of humble domestic life to memory, an- 
 other in strong contrast to it seems to force itself upon 
 my recollection, as if to compel me to bear in mind 
 that the good and pleasant in most of the relations of 
 this life are often counterbalanced by something not 
 quite so good, and much less pleasing; and so the 
 cheerful self-abnegation of our old Workington friend 
 appears to fix my attention upon an instance of stolid 
 insensibility as much at variance with it as though 
 the actors in each did not belong to the same species. 
 This anecdote was told me many years ago by a lady 
 neighbour, to the remembrance of whom a sad interest 
 is now attached from her only son being one of the 
 victims of that terrible casualty on the INIatterhorn in 
 1865, by which, as may be remembered, three English 
 gentlemen and a guide came to a fearful end. 
 
 The lady went one afternoon to see a poor neigh- 
 bour who was on her death-bed. On reaching the 
 cottage, the kind visitor found the dying woman's 
 husband and daughter sitting in " the house," or outer 
 apartment, regaling themselves with tea and apple- 
 cake. Passing through to the inner room, she saw 
 that the sick woman was in the act of dving — and 
 dying alone — while those nearest to her were enjoying 
 their meal quite apart. Naturally shocked, the lady 
 hurried back, crying out, "John! John! your wife's 
 dying." " Whya, whya, my lady ! " said the insensate 
 old animal — disposing with great deliberation of a 
 huge mouthful of apple cake — " Whya, whya, my lady ! 
 we mun hev our tea if she wur deead ! "
 
 Dr. Gibson's Anecdotes. yj 
 
 CUMBERLAND ANECDOTES. 
 
 ILLUSTRATIONS OF CHARACTER 
 AND MANNER. 
 
 "Lo, here I bring you a bouquet of flowers, of 
 which nothing is my own except the string which has 
 bound them together." — Montaigne. 
 
 An attempt at classification is made in the following 
 collection of anecdotes, but without any very definite 
 arrangement being observed, though, perhaps, _ suffi- 
 cient to aid in referring to any particular section of 
 the following collection. There is no little difficulty 
 in assorting the mass, and in placing each in its pro- 
 per department. The shades mingle and confuse 
 each other till selection is almost impossible, and a 
 miscellaneous division is adopted as a receptacle for 
 the rejected of the better ascertained classes. None 
 are put forth as perfect, and taste and judgment differ 
 so much, that what one may approve as witty another 
 may stamp as of some other quality. 
 
 W.D.
 
 yS Cuinhria7ia. 
 
 ILLUSTRATIONS OF CHARACTER 
 AND MANNER. 
 
 EY, EY, EY! 
 
 It is no uncommon thing in the country, where the 
 interchange of ideas is of less frequency than in towns, 
 for some people to be tickled with a word or phrase, 
 and to use it in playfulness until it becomes an adopted 
 child, and is grafted upon nearly every sentence or 
 reply, till the conversation of such persons cannot 
 proceed without it. 
 
 An instance of this kind occurred with the late Isaac 
 Cartmell, of Smaithwaite, who was a Keswick butcher, 
 doing a good business, and well respected. He was a 
 quick talker, and had a habit of commencing a reply 
 with, " Ey, ey, ey," on almost every occasion. A bet 
 was made with a London traveller, that Isaac would 
 assent to whatever the stranger said to him. Next 
 day being market day, and Isaac at his stand, the 
 commercial accosted him with, " ]\Ir. Cartmell, they 
 tell me you give short weight." The instant reply 
 was, " Ey, ey, ey ! who said seah ? who said seah ? " 
 
 MAK TO YER LIKIN. 
 
 On the introduction of tea into the northern counties, 
 and while it was yet a great novelty, and, of course, a 
 great treat, the proper mode of using it was not set- 
 tled. Some boiled it and ate the leaves, throwing the
 
 Dr. Gibsoiis A necdotes. 79 
 
 decoction away. Others mixed the boiled leaves with 
 fresh butter, and ate the mixture with bread, drinking 
 the fluid. Other methods equally rational were es- 
 sayed, but little relished, till some uniformity of cus- 
 tom began to obtain, and sugar and cream were found 
 agreeable additions. A glass of rum poured into the 
 last cup, and called a " laced cup," was invented to 
 qualify the bitter ingredient, and was usually given as 
 a treat to visitors. 
 
 Before the conventional custom of the present day 
 was well established, we are told of a woman having 
 invited a few friends to partake of a treat, without giv- 
 ing it a name. 
 
 When the guests were assembled round a table well 
 furnished with bread, butter, cheese, and other tea 
 requisites, she bade them welcome, and, without say- 
 ing what was before them, she poured out each a cup 
 of tea, and said, " Now than, mak to yer likin — mak 
 to yer likin ; " and set them the example by helping 
 herself to sugar and cream, and initiating them into 
 the mysteries of sipping tea. This injunction being 
 repeated with each round of cups, their curiosity was 
 excited to know what they had partaken of, and one 
 of them ventured to ask, saying, " You've gien us a 
 good treat, and we like't it reet weel. Nin on us iver 
 hard tell o' mak to yer likiii befoor, and we wad like 
 to know what it's meadd on ? " After indulging in a 
 proud and hearty laugh, she told them it was "that 
 new-fangled stuff they co't tea." 
 
 I DARR SAY. 
 
 When the late Christopher Parker, Esq., was high 
 sheriff of Cumberland, he was invited to dine with a
 
 8o Ciimbriaiia. 
 
 neighbouring yeoman of considerable wealth, who was 
 not a little proud to entertain the high sheriff. The 
 dinner was substantial, and full justice was done to it ; 
 and the host had sundry opportunities of introducing 
 his by-word, but no wine appeared. When dinner 
 was over, and ample time and sundry hints had been 
 given, the sheriff spoke out and said, " Mr. Bell, I 
 should like to taste your wine." " I darr say, I darr 
 say," — -and no more notice was taken of it, and no 
 effect was produced. 
 
 The saying, " I darr say," had a long run in the 
 neighbourhood, and provoked many a laugh among 
 those to whom the high sheriff and Franky Bell were 
 known. 
 
 FANNY GRAHAM. 
 
 Among the labouring population it is not rare to find 
 a brusque manner in combination with a hale frame, 
 and more commonly among females ; such was Fanny 
 Graham. Fanny might not be a fair specimen of 
 Cumberland stamina, but she certainly exhibits no 
 symptom of the degeneracy of the race in respect of 
 bodily powers. 
 
 When 93 years of age, she walked one morning from 
 Lazonby to Plumpton, between four and five miles. 
 The Rev. Mr. Harrison meeting her said, " I wonder, 
 Fanny, you don't walk with a stick." " Shaff o' ye," 
 says Fanny, " it's nought but pride o' ye. I rackon 
 nought o' fwok walking wid a stick till they're up in 
 years a bit." 
 
 As a whining contrast : a neighbouring old woman 
 called to see her during the keen cold of the early 
 part of January, 1871, when Fanny was about 97, and
 
 Illustrations of Character and Manner. 8 1 
 
 still fresh. Bewailing their hard fate she said, " O 
 dear, Fanny, this hard weather 'ill finish bekth thee 
 and me, I think." " Humph !" says Fanny, "a likely 
 stwory indeed ! Thou mun speak for thysel ; I'll git 
 through 't, I'll warrant me. Dee indeed ! What's to 
 make us dee, I wonder? We sartently can stand a 
 bit cold like this." 
 
 Between the above-named two periods, Mr. Heskett 
 met Fanny walking from Lazonby to Plumpton on an 
 extremely wet day ; and, on his return, met her again 
 tramping along under a large cotton umbrella, which, 
 in its then wet state, would be no little weight. She 
 looked up and said, " It's rayder clashy." He assented 
 to her remark for the rain was pouring down, and the 
 roads were muddy and slippery enough to bother a 
 much younger person. 
 
 Fanny died in February, 1873, in her looth year. 
 
 DICK FARGYSON'S MAN. 
 
 The late Richard Ferguson, Esq., of Harker Lodge, 
 saw a boy holding a saddle pony in English Street, 
 Carlisle, and asked the boy to whom it belonged — 
 well knowing it was his own. " It's Mr. Blamire's," 
 says the boy. " And who is Mr. Blamire ? " " He's 
 oald Dick Fargyson's man." " Here's sixpence for 
 you, my boy " — and he walked on, very much amused. 
 
 A PUZZLER. 
 
 The late John Christian Curwen, Esq., was such a 
 hasty and careless writer that he sometimes had a 
 
 G
 
 82 Cumbriaiia. 
 
 difficulty in deciphering his own hand-\AT:iting. A 
 tenant once handed him one of his own letters which 
 neither could make anything of, and did not say it 
 was his own. Mr. C, after looking it over, handed 
 it back, saying, " What fool has written this ? Take 
 it to my steward, Mr. Hoodless, he can read any 
 writing." 
 
 AN ENGLISH BULL. 
 
 When the late J. C. Curwen, Esq., was in Parliament, 
 he held a great extent of land in his own occupation, 
 and had a large farming establishment. During a 
 session, his land steward, Mr. Hoodless, wrote him 
 that one of the bulls had attacked and nearly killed a 
 labourer. Feeling much anxiety for the safety and 
 welfare of his people, and being so busily engaged 
 that he was obliged to economise time, he hastily 
 
 \vrote to the steward to " shoot that d d bull." 
 
 Mr. Hoodless had often been sorely tried, but never 
 fairly beat, in reading letters from his master ; but 
 this one of four words he was obliged to ask the 
 cashier, Mr. W. Swinburn, to read for him. Again 
 defeated, he took the mystic scrawl to the solicitor, 
 Mr. B. Thompson, but he, like the others, was unable 
 to decipher the short command, and the letter was 
 put away. 
 
 A Parliamentary recess occurring a few weeks after, 
 Mr. Curwen came down to Workington Hall, and, 
 looking through his herd, discovered the wicked bull 
 still living, and angrily accosted his steward with, 
 
 " Why haven't you shot that d d bull, Hoodless ? " 
 
 " That's it, sir," said Hoodless, " now I can read your 
 letter," pulling it out of his pocket, and so restoring 
 his employer to good humour.
 
 Illustrations of Character and Manner. Z^ 
 
 FIDDLING BY MAIN STRENGTH. 
 
 An energetic but very bad fiddler was asked if he 
 played by note and answered, "No." " Do you play 
 by ear?" "No." " Then, what do you play by?" 
 " Main strength." 
 
 A QUALIFIED COMPLIMENT. 
 
 A Cumbrian having entered into the state of matri- 
 mony who did not entertain a high opinion of his new 
 connections was asked by a friend what kind of a wife 
 he had got. To which he replied, "A good an of her 
 swort, but a mortal bad swort like reed herrin broth." 
 
 ADVICE PREPAID. 
 
 Willy Walker, of Hackthorp Hall, a Quaker farmer, 
 had a hsp in his speech, and a good share of humour 
 on suitable occasions. 
 
 He had an appointment to meet a person on busi- 
 ness who w^as not punctual and kept Willy waiting at 
 the public-house agreed upon. Whilst waiting an 
 acquaintance dropped in, who asked him if he would 
 accept a glass of anything. " Yes, I'll take a glass of 
 rum and water, hot, with thee." The glasses were 
 emptied, and Willy was asked to have another. The 
 crack went on, and the glasses went off a second time. 
 After a short delay, the man offered a third, which was 
 accepted and likewise drunk off In a little time the 
 man grew impatient, and said that after pa)ang for 
 three rounds of glasses it was fairly Mr. Walker's turn
 
 84 Cumbriana. 
 
 to treat. " I'll not treat thee, friend. Thou hast had 
 enough ; and if thee has any more, thou wilt be to 
 take home in a cart." 
 
 JOE ABBOTT AND HIS TEACHER. 
 
 The late Mr. John Slee, of Tirril, a Quaker, was a 
 clever mathematician and an excellent classical teacher, 
 and spread abroad numbers of well-educated grown-up 
 young men. Among his pupils Joseph Abbott, the 
 son of a neighbouring farmer, was conspicuous for his 
 readiness of speech and vigour of action, and for his 
 great inventive devilry. 
 
 Mr. Slee, having sold an overgrown calf to a butcher 
 who lived a short distance from Tirril, would essay the 
 delivery himself, by way of taking exercise. It had 
 long been remarked by the pupils that none of them 
 had ever known their master to either laugh or smile. 
 The frisky calf was haltered, and the couple sallied 
 forth during play-hour at mid-day. They were noticed 
 by the pupils, and Abbott resolved to create a little 
 sport with his demure master, who had evidently 
 enough to do, though a tall and strong man, to restrain 
 the gambols of the scampering animal. Abbott crept 
 to the end of a narrow lane just in time to give a loud 
 shout when the couple were passing, and off went the 
 calf helter-skelter, with tail erect, and dragging the 
 stern commander of the school in so violent a way 
 that he was obliged to let go his hold or be dragged 
 down in the dirt. The mischievous lad was soon 
 stealthily back among his schoolfellows, who with diffi- 
 culty repressed their enjoyment of the sport, and pre- 
 tended not to notice their master as he tried to get to 
 the house without being observed. Joe was heartily
 
 Ilhistrations of Character and Manner. 85 
 
 applauded, but was tauntingly told he need not appear 
 in school again, and that he durst not. " Yes, I dare," 
 says he, "and 111 make the master laugh too, and 
 that is what none of you ever could do." Nothing 
 daunted, he went in with the rest, and, assuming the 
 broadest dialect, with all eyes on him, and all in silent 
 attention, he walked up to near Mr. Slee with — " Noo, 
 maister, hoo dud ye git away wi' t' cofe ? " Instantly 
 a smile, as welcome as the sunlight, opened on Mr. 
 Slee's countenance, and so electrified the pupils that 
 they burst into a general laugh — and their master 
 joined them. " Now," said Joe, " that 7vas a laugh ! " 
 
 JOE ABBOTT AGAIN. 
 
 Toe would seem to have had more favour shown him 
 than he was fairly entitled to, and the following in 
 some measure explains the cause : he was a slow 
 learner at school, and exercised his master's patience 
 in a very trying manner. 
 
 In addition to teaching, Mr. Slee dealt in flax, lint, 
 tow, &c., and supplied his neighbours with those 
 articles when spinning-wheels were in fashion. Once, 
 when Joe had given more than ordinary trouble by 
 doing bad lessons, as well as many litde mischiefs in 
 the school, Mr. Slee called him up, and after lecturing 
 him said, "Joseph, I would have turned thee out of 
 the school long ago, but I have a great respect for thy 
 father." Joe repUed, " Ey ; he buys a varst o' tow 
 on ye." 
 
 Once Joe had worked a whole week at a money 
 question in Addition. Every afternoon he took his 
 slate up to the master, and each time it was wrong, 
 and he was told to go back and try again. On the
 
 86 Cumbriana. 
 
 Friday he took great pains, and went up in great hopes 
 he was right. Mr. Slee looking it over said, " It is 
 twopence-halfpenny wrong yet, and thou must go back 
 with it." " No, no," said Joe, putting his hand into 
 his pocket, " I'll pay t' difference mysel. I've hed 
 trouble enough with it." 
 
 Joe attained celebrity as a wrestler, but not as a 
 scholar. 
 
 — 3->^»^f^«-j-^ — 
 CO-OPERATIVE HELP. 
 
 The late Mr. Joseph Sanderson occasionally took his 
 recreation in a few days' quiet drinking, when he would 
 collect a few willing companions to join him at his 
 own expense. He used to recite his verses, sing songs 
 of his own composing, and relate anecdotes to the 
 admiring circle, and was always ready to pay them for 
 their loss of time. These indulgences commonly 
 ended with the week, and on the Saturday night he 
 would dismiss his friends, saying he had no further 
 occasion for them, and bid them good night. The)- 
 took it in turns for one of them to stay behind to 
 say, "We're varra mickle obleeged to you, Mr. San- 
 derson, and when do you think you'll want us again?" 
 
 THE RUM THIEF. 
 
 Captain Knubley kept a few couples of beagles at 
 Wigton, with Tom Furnass as huntsman. One morn- 
 ing the dogs were cast off at Crossbill, where Mr. 
 Tiffin joined them. Not finding a hare, they crossed 
 over to Drayrig farm to try there. Old Mary, who
 
 Illustrations of Character and Manner. 87 
 
 enjoyed the cry of the hounds, invited them, in her 
 unadorned welcome, to come in with, " Noo, hoo ur 
 ye this mwornin ? Sit ye down, an' I'll fetch ye sum- 
 mat to drink." Tom and the dogs were outside, and 
 Mary said, " Come in, Tom, and steek t' deur to keep 
 t' dogs out." While the gentlemen were refreshing, 
 she offered Tom the choice of a glass of spirits, or a 
 bason of poddish with a bottle of ale as a wash-down. 
 Tom chose the poddish and wash-down ; but, by mis- 
 take, Mary put down a bottle of rum instead of ale 
 with the savoury mess. The gentlemen went out and 
 waited for Tom, and, thinking he was long in coming, 
 returned to see what detained him, asking if he was 
 going to sit there all day. Tom says, " O Captain, 
 it's stealin' me away." "What's stealing thee away?" 
 "Just come in and teasst this." The captain at once 
 detected the thief and said, " Thou old varment thou's 
 supping rum to thy poddish." " Ey," says Tom, " an' 
 it's gaan wi' ma varra fast." So it did, and Tom's 
 hunting was fairly over for that day. 
 
 HARD WORK. 
 
 J D , a local brother, was holding forth at 
 
 the Market Cross in Egremont on a warm day. Ener- 
 getic action and forcible delivery caused him to per- 
 spire very freely. Pausing, and wiping his head and 
 face with a handkerchief, he said to his audience, 
 "See ye how I's sweetan o' riddy ; but I's just gaan 
 to begin wi' the divel, an' than ! " He had not words 
 to express himself strongly enough, and the laughter 
 of his hearers relieved him of the difficulty.
 
 88 Cumbriana. 
 
 CONCEIT. 
 
 J E , of Workington, fancied he had a 
 
 peculiar call to instruct the ignorant of the town on 
 the way to obtain a place in heaven ; and, being of 
 opinion that his humble origin and calling were a 
 sufficient title to an equality with the gifted apostle, 
 he stated to his hearers that " Paul was a tent-maker, 
 and I's a blacksmith, and between us we'll dea parlish 
 things I's warrant ye." 
 
 The Cumberland system of courting has been so often 
 and so truthfully described in so many of its phases, 
 that it is unnecessary here to add to what must be so 
 well knoAvn. But one or two relative instances in 
 ..connection therewith may not be out of place. 
 
 THE FUN OF COURTING. 
 
 About 1790, Joseph Wright, of Frizington Parks, and 
 Jack Robinson, of Kinniside, were suitors for two 
 sisters of the Watson family, of South Mosses, and 
 agreed to go together one evening to try their luck 
 with the young ladies, and to carry out a freak of 
 Jack's prolific brain. The dwelling-house at Mosses 
 was, like most farm-houses at that time, thatched, and 
 all the rooms were on the ground floor. Much hospi- 
 tality was practised at that day to all visitors ; but in 
 this instance Joe was freely admitted, and Jack 
 thought it better to wait till most of the family 
 retired, as he was not much of a favourite with the 
 seniors. He did his best to discover what went on
 
 Illustrations of Character and Manner. 89 
 
 inside • and, as had been the case on former occa- 
 sions, a fine piece of beef was brought out for Joe's 
 refreshment. Jack liad made some provision in anti- 
 cipation of this, and mounted the roof as silently as 
 possible, whilst Joe did his best at the beef and in 
 occupying the attention of the family, though he could 
 hardly restrain his laughter at the expected result. 
 However, he succeeded so well that no remark was 
 made, until some bits of straw fell from the thatch 
 upon the table, which was noticed by a brother of 
 the girls, and attributed by him and Joe AVright to 
 rats in the thatch. For a short space suspicion was 
 quelled, but quickly a long pole, armed with a hay 
 crook, was pushed down, stuck into the beef, and up 
 it went. The family stood amazed, watching the 
 ascent of the beef, when, just as it was about to dis- 
 appear through the roof, the hook tore out its hold, 
 and down came the beef upon the broad pewter dish, 
 and laid it, small stand table and all, prostrate on the 
 clay floor. All rushed towards the door, but Joe 
 Wright contrived to be first there ; and while appar- 
 ently struggling to open the door with his hands, was 
 eagerly pressing it close with his foot, exclaiming that 
 some one held it outside. The door was kept shut 
 long enough for Jack to escape without discovery, but 
 they made no matches with the family either that 
 night or after. 
 
 A TROUBLE NO TROUBLE. 
 
 There used to be an old saying- 
 
 " Needles and pins, needles ai 
 When a man marries, his tro 
 
 We have learned that in one instance, in Lowes- 
 
 ' Needles and pins, needles and pins. 
 When a man marries, his trouble begins."
 
 90 Cunibriana. 
 
 water, a man's troubles began before marriage. A 
 yeoman was courting a young woman, and their prac- 
 tice differed somewhat from the usual Cumberland 
 custom of that day, for they sat one on each side of 
 the fire. Peter thought he advanced his cause best 
 by walking over to the lady at intervals and kissing 
 her ; and when the kissing idea came into his head 
 he used to say, " Now, Betty, I must trouble you 
 again." " O, no trouble at all, Peter !" 
 
 NIGHT COURTING. 
 
 However reprehensible this custom may be, the 
 chance of its being suppressed is still remote. It was 
 at one time universal, but happily is much modified 
 of late years. 
 
 A farmer near Dean had his attention attracted by 
 a gentle tapping at his bedroom window, a little after 
 bedtime. At that period it was the custom in most 
 cases, in the country, for the head of the family to 
 sleep in the parlour, as the guardian of his household. 
 On a repetition of the tapping, he looked through the 
 window and saw who was there. He then went and 
 whispered at his daughter's room-door, " Nanny, here's 
 
 Willy , o' W , wi' three lands. Git up, my 
 
 lass, and let him in." Willy, with his three estates, 
 was a coveted suitor, and had mistaken the window. 
 
 VERY BUSINESS-LIKE. 
 
 Courtship among a certain class of Cumbrians is 
 invariably carried on clandestinely, apparently under 
 the feeling that there is no fun in it unless pursued
 
 lllustraiiojis of Chaj'actcr and Manner. 9 1 
 
 after dark and in secrecy. No such feeling, however, 
 seems to have animated the bhmt, honest ^stafesina7i 
 who rode up to the house of the lady of his choice, 
 and, the damsel herself having appeared at the door, 
 said, " I just co't to tell thee that I ha' been thinkin' 
 o' gittan weddit', and I thought thou was as like 
 suitan' me as owt. Now, I's just gaan to t' market, and 
 I'll co' as I coo back, and see what thou says about 
 it." He gravely rode on, and on his return was 
 accepted. 
 
 A less successful swain, who would not take a 
 refusal, was reported by the lady's mother to have 
 followed her daughter for twenty years, and for 
 " twelve on them hoddenly;"* he was only deteiTed 
 from further prosecuting his suit by the at-length im- 
 patient father, who threatened that "if he catched 
 him inside his foald yat agean " he " wad tak t' bill- 
 lieuk tul him, 'at wad he." 
 
 OVERDONE. 
 
 Other versions of this story are given, but the fol- 
 lowing was narrated to the writer by one who knew 
 both the actors : — 
 
 A postman in the far west of the county overtook a 
 butcher leading a calf by a cord tied round his own 
 waist, and vainly endeavouring to induce the animal 
 to cross a foot-bridge on the path. The butcher 
 requested the postman to stand behind the calf and 
 blow his horn when the calf was got into a favourable 
 position. When the word was given to " Blaa, Jimmy, 
 blaa!" a sudden and loud blast was given, and over 
 leapt the calf into a deep moss-pool dragging the 
 
 * Without intermission.
 
 92 Cumbriana. 
 
 butcher along with it. On recovering his feet, he 
 turned to the astonished postman and roared out, 
 " Thaaw fooal ! thaaw ! — that was far cor girt a blaa 
 for a fat cofe." 
 
 A HIGH SHERIFF. 
 
 In times long gone, the magistracy of the county was 
 occasionally recruited by the appointment of an un- 
 polished diamond, and few could support this char- 
 acter with more honesty than Mr. AV , of Penrith, 
 
 best known as Justice W . He was High Sheriff 
 
 of Cumberland in , and according to custom, 
 
 before the days of railway travelling, went to meet 
 the Judge of Assize at Teman, on the border of 
 Northumberland, and escort him to Carlisle. Instead 
 of assisting the Judge into his carriage on receiving 
 him from the charge of the Sheriff of the sister county, 
 he quietly seated himself One of the Sheriff's foot- 
 men hinted that he should have handed the Judge in 
 first. He quickly slipped out at the opposite door, 
 and came round to hand in the Judge, saying, " Now, 
 Mr. Judge, get in and sit ye down ; it's o' t' seamm 
 thing who gits in furst." When seated, the long 
 walking-stick of the Sheriff (so common in those days) 
 was stuck up between them. The motion of the car- 
 riage on the rough road caused the stick to bob 
 against the Judge's head sometimes, when he quietly 
 laid it down against the opposite seat ; but the Sheriff 
 replaced it as before, saying, he could not part with 
 his old friend so easily. On proceeding towards 
 Carlisle, the Sheriff remarked, " Now, Mr. Judge, if 
 ye like a draft o' good yel, we can have a quart at this 
 public-house, sek as ye'll hardly teast agean out o'
 
 Illustrations of Cha7'actcr and Ma?mer. 93 
 
 Cummerlan." The Judge declined the offer with 
 
 thanks, and asked Mr. W if he killed his own 
 
 mutton, as he always enjoyed the Cumberland sweet 
 mutton. The Sheriff replied, " I'll nit say bit what I 
 may have kilt an odd an' or two i' my time." 
 
 By this time the Judge would doubtless discover he 
 had a great oddity for a sheriff, if not, a great fool. 
 But the Sheriff was a shrewd droll under the guise of 
 a blunt simpleton, and scorned to use a polished 
 phrase if a homely one would answer; and, being 
 quite aware of his defective education, was unwilling 
 to risk a reputation for learning, lest he should blunder 
 into his native dialect. 
 
 He used to call his carriage a " cwotch," and 
 when he wished to halt would call out, " Now, stop 
 t' cwotch, lads." On one occasion, as he was convey- 
 ing a friend to Carlisle, and, according to the fashion 
 of the time, had been indulging overnight with new 
 ale, he bawled out " Stop t' cwotch, lads ; I mun be 
 out at o' resks, and it's o' lang o' that blesh yel." 
 
 It was Justice W 's custom to drop in at the 
 
 Bowling Green Inn, at Penrith, for his forenoon's 
 draught of ale, and one day he detected the smell of 
 bacon frying in the kitchen. Thinking to bother the 
 landlady, he called her, and told her very seriously 
 she was doing an illegal act in frying bacon, for 
 he had read it in his law books. " Bless me. Justice, 
 it cannot be wrang to mak' t' dinner riddy." " Yes it 
 is, and I'll bring thee t' beuk." Away he went, and 
 brought " Burns' Justice," and laid the book open 
 before her — "Now, Betty, read for thysel." Betty 
 could read better than he suspected, and called out, 
 " Wey, Justice, this is firin' a beacon, nit fryin' bacon. 
 What ! I knew it wad be wrang to set fire to Peerith 
 Beacon." 
 
 When Justice W lived in Penrith, he kept a
 
 94 Ciimbriana. 
 
 cow for dairy purposes. As the time drew on for the 
 cow to calve, there was no milk or butter for the 
 
 family, and Mrs. W regarded this as a great 
 
 privation. However, the cow did calve, and about 
 this time the Justice was called upon to decide 
 between two neighbours on the liability to repair a 
 piece of road. During the hearing, one of the liti- 
 gants withdrew his case, and having been no favourite 
 
 with Mr. and Mrs. W , the Justice hurried into 
 
 the parlour to report to his Avife, saying, " He's teann 
 t' cowe." The lady, mistaking the expression, asks, 
 '•' Then, I do hope he takes the calf too ?" " It's nit 
 our coo. He's teann t' cowe, and 's knockt under." 
 This was understood as it was intended, and the lady 
 consoled. 
 
 AWARDING PRAISE WHERE PRAISE IS DUE. 
 
 H S , of H Windmill, when dining 
 
 at Whitehaven Castle on a vent day, was so enchanted 
 with a second plate of rice pudding, that he exclaimed 
 aloud, " Wuns! t' woman 'at meadd this sud niver dee 
 owt else." 
 
 A WISE RESOLVE. 
 
 An industrious Irisliman rented a small walkmill at 
 Bassenthvvaite, and, with much care, prospered on it 
 till his horse was hard put to it to do the work re- 
 quired. One of his neighbours recommended him to 
 purchase another horse to ease the one he liad.
 
 Illustrations of Character and Manner. 95 
 
 " Och," says Pat, " an' if ever I'm able to kape two 
 horses, one of them shall be a cow." 
 
 ORNAMENT AT A DISCOUNT. 
 
 A steady going farmer, who knew little of the process 
 of building or of its requirements, was inspecting a 
 workman employed in plastering the farmer's parlour, 
 and observing the man to score the stiffening-plaster 
 in diamond fashion, previous to putting on the last 
 coat, said, ' Nay, nay, now ; we'll hev nin o' that. I 
 want nea ornament in my parlour, and I'll hev nowt 
 bit good flat plaister." 
 
 THEORY V. PRACTICE. 
 
 When the late Mr. Ewan Troutbeck was young, he 
 often took the field with his elder brother in the 
 shooting season, to practise partridge shooting ; but 
 practice with him did not lead to perfection. During 
 his after college life he got hold of a sporting book, 
 which taught him to fix his eye on the flying object 
 before raising his gun. 
 
 On going out again, he surprised his brother by 
 bringing down his birds right and left. This caused 
 George to exclaim, " Hollo, Ewan ! what's the matter 
 now?" Ewan was very much of a droll, and had an 
 answer ready. " Oh, aa's beuk-larnt now, man."
 
 96 Cunibriana. 
 
 A GOOD SELL. 
 
 During his college days, Mr. Troutbeck was spend- 
 ing a vacation in Newcastle with some young men of 
 his kidney. One of them remarked to him that their 
 landlord appeared to be a very smart fellow, and any 
 one wishing to get to the blind side of him must rise 
 early in the morning. Ewan did not assent to this, 
 but proposed to put it to the proof. Approaching the 
 landlord, he addressed him with, '•' One of my com- 
 panions and I have laid a friendly wager of a dinner 
 and trimmings. Can you let us have it to-day?" 
 " Oh, certainly. What would you like to have ? " 
 " The best you can provide." When the capital din- 
 ner was over, the landlord inquired to whom he might 
 book the account. Ewan told him the bet was not 
 yet decided. Might he ask what the bet was? " Cer- 
 tainly," says Ewan, rising and pointing out of the 
 window. " You see that beautiful spire yonder, which 
 seems recently erected?" "Yes, sir" "The wager 
 is, when that spire falls, will it fall to the right or the 
 left ? " The wager may still be undecided, but the bill 
 was honourably settled, amid much amusement ; and 
 the landlord gained wisdom from his experience. 
 
 HARD TIMES. 
 
 A gravedigger in Wigton complained to a tradesman 
 of times being bad in his business, when the latter 
 replied that times must be nearly alike to a gravedigger. 
 " Nay, but they warn't. It was nobbet last week, I 
 hed a grave thrown o' my hands." It appeared that 
 he had dug a grave unordered for a dissenter, whose
 
 Illustrations of Character and Manner. 97 
 
 friends refused to Iiave him buried in consecrated 
 ground. 
 
 & 
 
 IDIOT OR INVALID? 
 
 The landlord of a good hotel, not many stations south 
 of St. Bees, finds it advantageous to dispense with his 
 " boots " in the winter season, and occasionally to act 
 in that capacity himself. Being in attendance on the 
 platform when the train arrived, he was asked by a 
 gentleman if an invalid could be accommodated at the 
 hotel. " Aa'U tell ya in a minute." Away he scuds 
 into the house, asking of a facetious neighbour who 
 happened to be there. — " What is invalids, Mr. A. ? " 
 " Why, they're idiots, to be sure," says Mr. A. Away 
 he ran to the gentleman, saying, "Nay, we can deah 
 nowt wi' na mad fwolk here." 
 
 PETER AND PAUL. 
 
 Mrs. I , of Broomhills, not having attended ser- 
 vice one Sunday, questioned her son, a lad in his teens, 
 about the sermon, and where the text was from. The 
 lad said, " Aa divent know, mudder, but t' priest talkt 
 a deal about Peter and Paul, and they would likely be 
 some girt men about Lunnon 'at my fadder hed selt 
 
 horses tee." IMr. I was an extensive farmer, and 
 
 dealt in horses. 
 
 H
 
 98 Cumbriana. 
 
 "DEVIL'S DICK" GRAHAM AND HIS SON 
 OF THE SAME OPINION. 
 
 How a member of the Society of Friends acquired this 
 soubriquet^ or whether he had fairly earned it, is not 
 on record ; but Dick wore it. James, the son, was a 
 hectoring sort of fellow, but professed, as a Friend, to 
 be very sober, although his acquaintances knew he 
 liked a glass when it could be had snugly. 
 
 At a nomination in East Cumberland, James was 
 over-persuaded by some young men to take more elec- 
 tion drink than he could carry, and he and his load 
 were conveyed to a quiet inn to rest till he came round. 
 Another Graham (of Riggfoot), who had a spice of 
 mischief and a great deal of fun in his temperament, 
 was elated at the idea of " Devil's Dick " Jemmy being 
 caught outraging the Society's principles by transgress- 
 ing so far, and hurried to Jemmy's father at his home, 
 saying, he believed the son had come to the misfor- 
 tune of having a leg broke at the election. Dick 
 posted off with a cart and a bed upon it, to have the 
 injured man conveyed quietly home. On arriving at 
 the inn, he was shown into the room where his son 
 lay asleep on the floor, and tried to raise his head and 
 body, in doing which he awakened Jemmy. Dick 
 smelt the whisky, and soon knew he had been hoaxed. 
 Starting back, he exclaimed, " James, I perceive thou 
 art drunk." James (loudly), " And I am of the same 
 opinion." 
 
 PUTTING ON MOURNING. 
 
 At the time of the death of King William the Fourth, 
 the rector of Egremont directed one of his church-
 
 Illustrations of Character and Manner. 99 
 
 wardens to provide black cloth, to put the king's arms 
 into mourning. The churchwarden, mistaking the 
 king's arms in the church for the hotel of that name, 
 innocently asked, " Sud we wap t' post or t' sign, Mr. 
 Leech ? " 
 
 WELL-AIMED THRIFT. 
 
 During the war with France, tallow rose to a high 
 price, and candles were so dear that as few as possible 
 were used in farm-houses, and stick lires were substi- 
 tuted for giving light in the evenings, where that kind 
 of " elding '' was attainable. Rushlights had also gone 
 nearly out of use, because tallow was required in their 
 manufacture. When light was desirable, the grate 
 was replenished with a handful of small sticks or chips, 
 or a turf at intervals to keep up the light, and this was 
 called " beating the fire." 
 
 In a farm-house where oatmeal porridge was the 
 staple of both morning and evening meals, as it was 
 sometimes for dinner also, the custom was to serve 
 the viand in a bowl of size corresponding with the 
 number of the family present. The well-laden bowl 
 was placed on the centre of the table, and the family 
 sat round it, dipping their spoons into the fragrant 
 mess, bringing out each a portion, and again bringing 
 the charged spoon into a basin or tin of skim-milk, 
 conveyed the relished contents to the mouth, and often 
 with considerable despatch. 
 
 In a certain house, where the mistress was a clever 
 contriver, and the saving of an inch of candle an act 
 of merit, the supper was served in this manner, hot 
 from the fire as usual, and a dip candle placed on the 
 table, so that all might see what was before them, as
 
 100 Cunibriana. 
 
 well as see each other — the servant-man socially sit- 
 ting next his master. It had been the custom there 
 for the mistress to take away the candle as soon as 
 the members were set around the board, and the ser- 
 vant felt much annoyed with this. He endured it for 
 some time with respectful but ineffectual remonstrance, 
 and set his wits to work to remedy the evil. One 
 evening the good dame came and took away the 
 candle, saying, " Now, fwok, you can see wi' fire-leet 
 to hit ivery yan yer own mouths, and aa want this 
 cannel. If ye can't see, ye may beat up t' fire." The 
 light was gloomy, and when the master opened his 
 mouth to admit his spoon, cooled in milk, the man 
 adroitly contrived to slip in a large spoonful of hot 
 porridge without milk. The master was not slow to 
 sputter it out; and commenced, as well as his blis- 
 tered mouth would permit, to scold in no gentle terms 
 both man and mistress, the children screaming, and 
 the man calling out, "O mistress, pray ye, bring a leet. 
 Aa mis't my oan mooth and hit' t' maister's wid a 
 speunful o' het poddish, an' aa doubt aa've scoadit 
 him." The supper table was never without a candle, 
 when needful, after that night. 
 
 ARCHY GOODFELLOW. 
 
 Archy was a farmer in the far east of Cumberland, 
 and occasionally bought two or three fat sheep to 
 slaughter and retail among his neighbours. He was 
 eccentric in his language, and most original in his 
 oaths ; and, on account of being unable to pronounce 
 the letter R, was peculiar in his delivery, often substi- 
 tuting the letter Y. One day he went to a neighbour's 
 to buy some sheep, when a few were brought into fold
 
 Illustratiojis of Character and Manner. loi 
 
 as fat, and were offered for sale to him. He took up 
 and handled one he thought to be the best, and asked 
 the price. " Thirty shillings." "Being a very powerful 
 man, he pitched the sheep to the opposite side of the 
 fold, as if it had been a hand-ball, saying, " Thetty 
 sheelin, man ? By the mud an' the holy poka (poker) 
 o' Dublin, I could yattle the hundyad psalm on his 
 yibs ; " and off he walked. 
 
 Archy once put a sudden and effectual stop to a 
 windy political opponent, who was about to address 
 the electors of East Cumberland, and had commenced 
 with, " Gentlemen and ladies," when Archy broke in 
 with, " WuUy, thou's yang the vayya fust wud." WuUy 
 was so abashed by the laughter and derision of the 
 crowd, that he shut up at once, and spared the inflic- 
 tion of an hour's listening to what Archy evidently 
 did not wish to hear. On being bantered and com- 
 plimented on his success, he said, " WuUy hed putten 
 the caat afooa the hoss." 
 
 GHOSTLY OR BODILY. 
 
 A Maryport man, who was thought by some of the 
 clever ones of that town to be not quite so clever as 
 themselves, went to Flimby one evening ; and on his 
 return at a rather late hour, saw a white object on the 
 parapet of the bridge. Quite undaunted, the man 
 called out, " Ghostly or bodily ? " " Ghostly," rephed 
 the object. "Ghostly or bodily, thou sail hev't;" 
 and, suiting the action to the word, he thrashed the 
 ghost well, and tumbled him into the Ellen, out of 
 which he was drawn by his friends, who had been in 
 hiding to witness sport of another kind, as they 
 thought.
 
 102 Cumhriana. 
 
 ALWAYS GRUMBLING. 
 
 " I WISH I was in heaven ! " said a peevish old wife at 
 St. Bees to her patient husband, as they sat by the 
 fire one winter's night. " Thou's far better by thy own 
 fireside. What wad ta de theer ? Thou's niver satis- 
 fied." 
 
 ONLY ENOUGH. 
 
 A COMMERCIAL man, accustomed to the route, called 
 on a Quaker friend not far from Kesmck, and was 
 hospitably invited to partake of bread and cheese and 
 ale. After doing justice to the bread and cheese, he 
 drank the glass of ale with some relish, and was 
 asked, " Friend, wilt thou take another glass of our 
 home-brewed ale ? I believe it is very good, if thou 
 only take enough." He took a second glass and went 
 his way, and found the ale affected him more than he 
 expected or wished. On his next visit, some months 
 after, he accepted another invitation, and was slily 
 asked to take a second glass of home-brewed, with a 
 recommendation similar to the preceding one. " No, 
 I thank you; I remember your words on my last 
 visit." " Yes, friend ; I told thee my ale was very 
 good, if thou only took enough ; but thee took a glass 
 more than enough." 
 
 CLEVER CABMAN. 
 
 A FEW years ago a Cumberland man had occasion to 
 go to London, and took up his abode at the Gerard's
 
 Illustrations of Character and Manner. 103 
 
 Hall Hotel, then kept by Mr. Younghusband, who 
 was from Caldbeck originally. At night he sallied 
 forth to " spy farlies," and having met with one or two 
 acquaintances, and enjoyed himself too long in their 
 company, he forgot the name and locality of his lodg- 
 ings ; so he wisely called a cab. Being seated, Cabby 
 politely tOLiclied his hat, and asked where he must 
 drive to. " Heamm, thou feull, thou ; whoar else sud 
 aa gang to at this time o' mwornin' ?" Not without 
 difficulty the man understood his meaning, and said, 
 " Please, sir, I don't know where you live." " Thou's 
 a bonny beggar to be a cabman, when thou dizzent 
 know whar fwok leevs. Thou mun just guess till thou 
 fins 't out." Cabby ran over the names of several 
 hotels which he thought most likely. " Shelleywelly ! 
 Dista think I wad put up at common pleaces like 
 them ? It's some castle, or tower, or ho'." " Elephant 
 and Castle?" "No." "Tower Hill?" "No." 
 " Gerard's Hall ? " " That's it ! Thou's t' cleverest 
 fellow in o' Lunnon. Thou can tell a body whoar he 
 leevs when he dizzent know his-sel." 
 
 OBEYING ORDERS. 
 
 Mr. T. E. F , the eminent colliery viewer, was 
 
 appointed to value the engines and machinery at a 
 colliery, and took a rough but skilled mechanic mth 
 him to inspect the parts Mr. F. could not easily reach, 
 and which might soil his dress. The work finished, 
 Mr. F. was invited to dine with a neighbouring gen- 
 tleman, and directed the man to go to the hotel for 
 his refreshment. Being unused to that class of inns, 
 he asked his master what he might order. " Just go 
 and order whatever thou sees others are getting." He
 
 104 Cunibriana. 
 
 went into the nearest room, and sat down behind the 
 door ; soon after two gentlemen came in, one of 
 whom ordered a glass of brand}-. When the waiter 
 came with it, he said he thought Jack had made a 
 mistake, and had gone into a wrong room. " Nay, I 
 hevn't. Bring me yan, tee." Shortly after, the other 
 gentleman ordered a Welsh rabbit. Jack, thinking of 
 a cooked rabbit, said, " Bring me yan, tee." Soon 
 the gentleman wanted a glass of beer. To fulfil his 
 instructions, Jack quickly said, " Bring me yan, tee." 
 The first gentleman ordered a bit of dinner. " Bring 
 me yan, tee." He kept strictly to his master's orders 
 till Mr. F. came to pay, when he said, " Ay, maister, 
 it's weel ye've come. I cuddent ha' held out muckle 
 langer, they ordered theirs in sa fiist." 
 
 HARD BARGAINING. 
 
 The late Mr. R W would sometimes wor- 
 ship at the shrine of Bacchus for several days in suc- 
 cession, and during those times the inn at Bolton 
 Gate was the chief seat of his devotions. When 
 others tired of his company, he would send for George 
 Irving, best known as Gwordy Urran, the noted 
 wrestler, to join him. However sweet " gi'en drink " 
 may be, and doubtless was, George at length tired, or 
 professed to be tired, of his job, and struck for higher 
 wages. This was rather a risky experiment, but 
 
 R agreed to advance him to three shillings and 
 
 sixpence per day for the work. "\\'hen the end of the 
 
 week came, and payment was duly made, R said, 
 
 " Now, Gwordy, thou must be douce again " — mean- 
 ing that he should be generous, and treat his employer.
 
 lilustrations of Character ajid Manner. 105 
 
 " Nay, Mr. W ," says he, " I cannot afford any 
 
 luckpenny, but I divent mind givin' ye a day ower." 
 
 A GUIDE AMONG THE LAKES. 
 
 When Mrs. Arrowsmith was staying at Keswick and 
 doing the Lakes, she wished to explore the neighbour- 
 hood by short rambles on foot. Asking for a female 
 guide, a girl was recommended who knew all the 
 country round. On going out, the lady told her guide 
 she wished to know everything about that part — "And 
 you must tell me all you know about it." " Yes, mam. 
 Yon's Mr. Marshall's bull." This information so 
 astonished the lady, that she paid and dismissed her 
 guide at once. 
 
 NEW MUSICAL INSTRUMENT. 
 
 A WOMAN at Flimby asked the rector's lady what kind 
 of a musical instrument they were advertising for sale 
 at Orton, saying, " It was not an organ, nor a har- 
 monium, but it was summat they co't a advowson." 
 
 ECCENTRIC PREACHING. 
 
 Hodgson Casson, of Workington, an enthusiastic 
 preacher in the ranks of Methodism, was very much 
 of an outspoken oddity, and very careless in his 
 choice of words and expressions. In one of his ex- 
 citing out-door preachings, he said to his audience,
 
 io6 Cimibriana. 
 
 "It's as easy for a swine to climb t' wrang end up a 
 tree as for a rich man to git to heaven." 
 
 It is probable the above and the following have had 
 the same origin : — 
 
 A ranting preacher was holding forth on the horsing- 
 stone of a village green, when some pigs came wander- 
 ing through among the straggling audience and were 
 immediately utilised in the discourse. After sundry 
 cautions and warnings, the listeners were told that, 
 unless they mended their ways of living, they had no 
 more chance of getting to heaven than that swine had 
 of going hinder-quarters up yon ash tree and whistling 
 like a throstle. 
 
 ST--S^f^«~<-«- 
 
 SOGLAN TOM. 
 
 Tom was a butcher, and lived at Soglan, between 
 Brampton and Bewcastle, and was noted for selling 
 his meat below the market price. Through the officious 
 faithfulness of his dog, which he had trained to drive 
 sheep home without its master, he was apprehended, 
 tried, and condemned for sheep stealing. On the way 
 from Carlisle gaol to the Sands, where criminals were 
 executed, he said to the people who were hurrying to 
 Rickergate, " Ye needn't be in sek a hurry, for there'll 
 be nea spwort till I git theear." On looking around 
 him, he discovered some acquaintances by whom he 
 did not wish to be recognised, and told the hangman 
 who drove the cart to " drive on, for them beggars o' 
 Branton butchers hes come o' purpose to hiss me for 
 ondersellin' them, if they can git near."
 
 Illustrations of Character and Manner. 107 
 
 STICKING TO IT. 
 
 At a Cumberland quarter sessions, a young man from 
 St. Bees was examined on an assault case, and gave 
 his evidence in a pert manner, as if he had been 
 schooled beforehand, adding after each answer, "And 
 I'll stick to that." The Chairman, (E. W. Hasell, 
 Esq.,) said in his quiet way to the witness, " If you do 
 not give your evidence in a more respectful manner, 
 I'll commit you to prison ; and I'll stick to that." The 
 court enjoyed the joke, and the rebuke had the desired 
 effect. 
 
 THRELKELD HALL. 
 
 When Mr. Barker, the land steward of Henry Howard, 
 Esq., of Greystoke Castle, was superintending some 
 repairs going on at Threlkeld Hall (once the seat of 
 Sir Lancelot Threlkeld, where he sheltered his stepson, 
 the Shepherd Lord Clifford, when sought for by his 
 enemies), he observed the stone floor of the principal 
 sitting-room, (provincially, the house), was much broken 
 up, and offered to floor it anew with stone flags. All 
 the family, except old William Taylor, the tenant, 
 gladly accepted the ofter, and volunteered to cart the 
 materials. The old man said, " T'fleur hed deun a gay 
 while for him, an' it med dea on." However, decency 
 prevailed. The flags were brought, and the men set 
 to work. 
 
 The old man held to his principle to let well alone ; 
 placed himself in his heavy arm-chair, at his usual 
 corner of the fire-place, and there he doggedly sat and 
 would not move an inch, till all was completed around 
 him to the very square his chair covered. When other
 
 io8 Ctimbriana. 
 
 necessities compelled, he was obliged to give way; 
 and, to the great annoyance of liis feelings, the whole 
 was completed during his short absence, but he could 
 never bestow an approving word on the smooth new 
 floor, though the old one had been almost as uneven 
 as a newly-ploughed field. William was an honest and 
 upright man, and was much esteemed by both landlord 
 and steward, as well as by his neighbours. 
 
 HOGG'S IDEA OF MERCY. 
 
 One of the Hogg family of Bewcastle, was tried at 
 Annan for poaching, and was ably defended by Mr. 
 Armstrong, a solicitor of Carlisle. In the Scotch courts 
 at that time the prisoner was allowed to give evidence 
 on oath, and Hogg swore he did not commit the 
 offence he was charged with. The gamekeeper swore 
 he saw Hogg shoot game. But, as his evidence was 
 unsupported, the prisoner was allowed the benefit, and 
 acquitted. After the trial, Mr. Armstrong asked 
 Hogg why he perjured himself by giving false evidence 
 after confessing to him that he was guilty. " Hoot 
 man," said Hogg, " I wad far rayder trust the marcy 
 o' the Lord, ner I wad trust to that oald deeval on the 
 bench." 
 
 A NIGHT WALKER. 
 
 A Scotch labourer, at Branthwaite, whose love of 
 good eating was stronger than his prudential resolves, 
 unintentionally disturbed his English wife's sleep by 
 getting out of bed at an unusual hour of the night.
 
 Illustrations of Character and Ma7incr. 109 
 
 She called out, '' Whoar are ye gaan, Jimmy, at this 
 time o' neet ?" " Ma woman ! wha could lig i' the 
 bed an' a guid veal peye i' the house ? " 
 
 CHURCH AND COMMERCE. 
 
 Whether the following was a remnant of a very 
 ancient custom or merely the outcoming of a thought 
 the clerk had just indulged in, is not known. But it is 
 recorded that at many churches it was not unusual in 
 former times for a parishioner to bring the carcase of 
 a fat sheep into the church porch, to cut up and sell 
 to the congregation at the close of service. And lest 
 the market should be overstocked it was arranged to 
 take it in turns. 
 
 At the close of divine service at Whicham Church, 
 the parish clerk was descending the steps from his 
 desk, when he whispered to a Whitehaven tea dealer 
 who was passing with the rest of the congregation — 
 " Wad ye pleaz, Mester Lammin, to let me hev three 
 pawnd o' teah, seamm as ye sent to Tibby Sheels ?" 
 
 JUDY CRONE. 
 
 Before the introduction of railways, there was a con- 
 siderable traffic by carriers' carts, and of passengers by 
 coaches and other vehicles, between Cockermouth and 
 Carlisle. Some years before that, business began to 
 diminish, George and Judith (Gwordy and Judy) 
 McCrone had long kept a lonely, roadside public- 
 house, at Moota Gate, about four miles north of 
 Cockermouth, where few people passed without caUing
 
 no Cumhriana. 
 
 on the honest and respected, but rough-mouthed old 
 couple. They were reported to have saved money, 
 and were likely to have some with them at all times ; 
 it was also known that their only protection was a 
 mastiff, with occasionally a little girl to assist in the 
 house. 
 
 One night a mason of the name of Toole broke into 
 the house, shot the dog, and ransacked the premises. 
 The old pair were too frightened to make any resist^ 
 ance ; but Judy saw sufficient of the burglar to enable 
 her to recognise him, and had him apprehended. He 
 was tried at Carlisle and found guilty ; and, on the 
 judge asking if he had anything to say before sen- 
 tence was pronounced, Judy stood up, and her kindly 
 feelings overcoming the sense of her loss, said, " Now, 
 Judge, thou munnot be ower hard o' t' peer lad. He's 
 somebody's bairn." Then, turning to the prisoner, 
 she said, " I dunnot mind about t' bit o' brass thou 
 gat frae me, good lad ; and I dunnot want to hurt 
 thee, good lad ; but thou shot my dog, and thou steal! 
 our Gwordy's brutches, thou dud." 
 
 BOTH DEFEATED. 
 
 At a period when the adulteration of intoxicating 
 drinks was less understood than it has since been, or 
 when it was less harmfully practised, a strong-headed 
 toper, who had been drinking in a public-house all 
 day, rose to go away about nine o'clock in the evening, 
 when the landlord asked him where he was going. 
 The reply was — " I's gaan to t' Cross" — a rival public- 
 house. " What's ta gaan to dea there ?" asked Boni- 
 face. " I's gaan to git drunk." " Git drunk ! what 
 for can ta nut git drunk here T " I've been tryan iver
 
 Ilhistraiions of Character and Manner. 1 1 1 
 
 sen nine o'clock this mwornin', and I can't ; sooa now 
 I's gaan to t' Cross." 
 
 A SURPRISE. 
 
 An eccentric attorney met a country client in Main 
 Street, Cockermouth, who stopped him and said, " O, 
 Mister Nicholson, can ye tell me if this sebben shillin' 
 piece is a good un ? " " Yes," replied the lawyer, put- 
 ting it into his pocket and giving him fourpence 
 change — "it is perfectly good, and I'm obliged to 
 you." 
 
 RATHER ILL-TEMPERED. 
 
 A MAN going to pay his lawyer's bill, and feeling 
 aggrieved at the amount remarked, " I doubt you've 
 meadd a mistak. I see you've charged six and eight- 
 pence for coman to see me, but you've forgitten to 
 charge ought for gangan heamm agean." 
 
 A PLEA FOR POVERTY. 
 
 Before the days of Union Workhouses, when each 
 parish separately maintained its own poor, a blind 
 pauper married a woman who was also a pauper, 
 belonging to an adjoining parish, whereby both became 
 chargeable to his own. Such contumacy could not be 
 allowed to pass unnoticed, and the poor fellow had to 
 appear before the vestry. 
 
 When he had patiently listened to a severe but un-
 
 112 Cunihriana. 
 
 availing lecture from the chairman, he meekly observed, 
 " Nea doubt it's a varra bad job for us o', but howiver 
 its o' done now, and can't be helped." 
 
 CONCEIT OR SPIRIT? 
 
 It is a happy circumstance that many of those whom 
 Nature has deformed are seldom fully alive to the fact. 
 Indeed, some appear altogether ignorant of it, as was 
 the case with a spirited hunchbacked village tailor, 
 who lived in the delusion that he was a well-made 
 fellow, and possessed of what he especially lacked — 
 great muscular strength. He used to say, " Ther niver 
 
 was nobbet ya man about G fit to wear his (the 
 
 tailor's) coat, and that was" — naming an individual 
 with the powers of a Hercules. 
 
 On one occasion he accepted a " lift " in a farmer's 
 cart, when the horse chose to run away, and the driver, 
 who was a very powerful man, failed for some time to 
 check it. " Let me see hod o' t' rynes," said the 
 plucky tailor, " I'll owder stop't, or I'll rive t' chafts 
 off't." 
 
 A neighbouring gentleman got a new dress coat, 
 made by Stultz, or some such fashionable west-end 
 maker, which proving to be a little tight under the 
 arms, he sent for the local artist to make the needful 
 alterations. When that functionary, holding the gar- 
 ment up to the light and examining it most minutely, 
 with a countenance expressive of the most withering 
 contempt, asked, " Who meadd this thing ? " The 
 reply was, that it was made in London. " I thought 
 seah. Thur Lunnon taileors ! they dooant know what 
 a cwoat is."
 
 Illustrations of Character and Manner. 1 1 3 
 
 HOPE IT IS NOT A RULE. 
 
 In cautioning his nephew not to marry for money, an 
 old uncle said, " Niver thee wed a woman wid a fortun. 
 My wife had five pund, and I niver hard t' last on 't." 
 
 COSTLY WORK. 
 
 After listening to a description of the great cost of 
 opening out a valuable and extensive mine in his 
 neighbourhood, a yeoman remarked with a sigh, " Ey, 
 thur publik warks is varra expensive. Ey, they cost 
 a deal o' brass. Now I's buildan' a lime kiln, an' 
 aa '11 be bund afoor it's done, it '11 cost varra nar ten 
 pund." 
 
 A LIVING GUIDE-POST. 
 
 A STRANGER Called at a farm-house in the village of 
 Arlecdon and asked to be shown the way to Brown- 
 rigg. He was very particularly answered by a female, 
 who was busy at the butter tub and who scarcely 
 looked up : " Wey, aa 's thrang ; but you mun gang 
 down t' foald, an' through t' yat, and on by Sunton's, 
 an' on through Helsigill yat, an' than turn down be- 
 fwore you git to t' Lime-kill neuk, an' through t' Wood 
 lonnin yat, an' down t' Wood lonnin by t' Wood lon- 
 nin shades, an' ower t' Dub beck brig, an' up Brown- 
 rigg brow, an' you '11 be theer directly." 
 
 I
 
 1 14 Cttmbriana. 
 
 WHITEHAVEN TRADESMEN LONG AGO. 
 
 Many years ago there flourished at Whitehaven two 
 bachelor brothers of remarkable quaintness, both as 
 to sayings and doings, who, although in a small way 
 of business, amassed considerable fortunes by dint of 
 industry and extraordinary thrift. They were by no 
 means young men when Paul Jones made his famous 
 raid on the port in 1778, and the elder one calmly 
 watched the attack and retreat from the heights where 
 the Wellington coalpit now is. Although none of their 
 relatives are believed to be in existence, and probably 
 not half a dozen of their personal acquaintance are 
 now living, it may be well to so far attempt disguise 
 as to call them Jacob and Joseph. Their book-keep- 
 ing must have been of the most primitive description, 
 for they struck a balance and divided their profits in 
 true brotherly way every Saturday night. 
 
 During the war time, Joseph was tempted to invest 
 a portion of his savings in shipping — at that time, and 
 in general, very lucrative, but exceedingly hazardous 
 from the numerous French privateers which infested 
 the routes of home-ward bound vessels ; while the 
 more cautious Jacob confided his treasure to the secur- 
 ity of an old stocking-foot and the corner-cupboard. 
 
 Joseph's ship made one or two most successful voy- 
 ages, and after each "ship's settlement" he exultingly 
 chinked his golden dividend before his brother's face, 
 taunting him with the fact that his money was " liggin' 
 in t' corner-cubbert " idle and unproductive. In time 
 a change came, and one evening the younger brother 
 came home dejected and morose, when the following 
 conversation occurred : — 
 
 " What's t' matter wid tha, Joe ? " 
 
 " Nay, nowt." 
 
 " What theer mun be summat wrang wid tha."
 
 Illustrations of Character and Manner. 115 
 
 " If there is, what odds is 't to thee ? " 
 
 " Way, wey • thou need n't be seah cranky ; but 
 theer mun be summat wrang when thou comes heam 
 hingan thy kigs that way." 
 
 " Wey, Jacop, if thou mun know, t' ' West India ' 
 's teann, an' me nut insur't." 
 
 " My brass is in t' corner-cubbert, Joe." 
 
 When these brothers retired from business, they 
 divided everything equally, even to the shelves and fix- 
 tures of their little shop ; but the apparent indivisibility 
 of the counter puzzled them not a little, and seemed 
 likely to lead to some disagreement, until one of the 
 pair exclaimed, "Aa tell thee what, I'll git t' hand 
 saw, and saw her i' two : I'll tak my hofe, and thou 
 may tak thine ; " and the dispute was amicably settled. 
 
 At the death of a relative, Jacob was very anxious 
 that the remains should be interred in the burial- 
 ground attached to the dissenting place of worship 
 which he himself was in the habit of attending ; but, 
 owing to the very limited space, his request was re- 
 fused, greatly to his annoyance, if not to the injury of 
 his feelings. Shortly after, he called upon one of the 
 leading members of the congregation, and, throwing a 
 bundle of bank-notes upon the table, benevolently 
 exclaimed, " Theer, William, theer two hundred pound. 
 Gang an' buy mair grund wid it, and niver set up sec 
 a teall ageann 'at ye hevvent a bit o' grund to bury a 
 poor fellow in." 
 
 Jacob had a virago for a housekeeper, of whom he 
 lived in almost abject terror. He was once seen wip- 
 ing up his own dirty footmarks with a dishclout, rather 
 than brave a scolding for neglecting to use the door- 
 mat. On one occasion he so far ventured to attempt 
 to assert his independence by buying a couple of ducks 
 in the market and taking them home without consult- 
 ing the home authority, who muttered that he might
 
 1 1 6 Cumbriana. 
 
 pluck and dress them himself, and angrily enquired, 
 "Who's to poo t' pens out, I would like to know?" 
 "Wey, thee, to be sure." "Me?" "Ey, thee; it's 
 nea use keepin' a dog and barkin' yan's sell." 
 
 This servant afterwards married, and on the wed- 
 ding-day the old gentleman was seen pacing to and 
 fro, with his eyes on the ground lost in meditation — 
 slowly wagging his head from side to side, and mutter- 
 ing, " He will git it ! he will git it ! " To a friend 
 who was ready to sympathise with him in his apparent 
 distress, and who inquired to whom the allusion ap- 
 plied, he explained that he was thinking of the poor 
 unfortunate bridegroom. 
 
 In their younger days the brothers were addicted to 
 poaching, and netted both fish and game. On one 
 occasion they were casting in the river Liza, in Enner- 
 dale, a new net, which was of their own handicraft and 
 of unusually choice material, when they were suddenly 
 come down upon, and had to run and leave the net 
 behind. A year or two afterward.s, being benighted 
 in the same locality, they begged a night's lodgings at 
 a farm-house, which the hospitable owner readily 
 granted to such respectable-looking men. After due 
 refreshment and evening chat, they were shown to 
 their sleeping apartments, little thinking their kind 
 host was the custodian of the trout stream of their pre- 
 vious adventure. In the early morning the younger 
 was awaked by the elder exclaiming, " Dy-pend, Joe, 
 that's our net : " and, sure enough, there it was hang- 
 ing on the rafters overhead. Prudence prevailing over 
 gratitude, they took a precipitate departure without 
 waiting to thank their entertainer for his kindness. 
 
 In presenting a hare to a friend, Joseph apologised 
 for its mauled condition by saying, " That felill of a 
 Jacop thought she was gittan' out o' t' net, and flang 
 his-sel on t' top on her and brast her bags."
 
 Illustrations of Character and Manner. 1 1 7 
 
 SAVING A CANDLE AND LOSING A WEB. 
 
 The two brothers before mentioned were of so saving 
 a turn that the cost of a light in their shop, whilst they 
 retired for tea on a winter's evening, was a subject of 
 consideration. One day, before the use of gas was 
 known, they, as usual, closed the shop door without fas- 
 tening it, and went to the inner room for tea, leaving 
 the shop in darkness. In a little time they heard the 
 outer door opened, and some one knocking on the 
 counter and saying, " Old friends, I suppose you are 
 well employed ; I will look in after you have had your 
 tea." Dreading no evil the brothers quietly finished 
 their tea, and took the light from the table to the shop 
 to discover that, by saving a candle, some clever thief, 
 who knew their habits, had walked off with a web of 
 cloth, the value of which would have covered the cost 
 of shop candles for some years. 
 
 CONSCIENCE-SMITTEN. 
 
 This and the next following may be best understood 
 by persons engaged about mining : — 
 
 The overlooker of a colliery, through some real or 
 supposed neglect, lost a valuable mine for a time by 
 a collapse of the shaft. This was a source of great 
 trouble to the honest man, and, after unburthening 
 his mind to a fellow-craftsman who belonged to an 
 opposing firm, he expressed a wish that he was dead, 
 adding, " Dusta think, Jwohn, if I was deed I wad 
 gang to heaven ? " He received the consolatory reply, 
 " I doon't kno' whether thou wad or nut, Jemmy ; but 
 thou wad ha' studden a vast better chance if thou hed 
 n't setten f creep on t' pit."
 
 1 1 8 Cmnbriana. 
 
 DEEP PIT. 
 
 A POOR workman said of a large colliery proprietor, 
 against whom he had a grudge, " Ey, he's boddomed 
 many a pit, but he'll be gittan into yan efter a bit, 'at 
 he'll be pinch't to find boddom on." 
 
 SELF-HELP. 
 
 An illustration of the proverb that heaven helps those 
 who help themselves occurred to a man of the name 
 of Woodville (pronounced Woodall). 
 
 He had imbibed too freely, and was crossing the 
 low Clofifock at Workington, over which a recent high 
 tide had flowed and left the muddy surface in so 
 sticky a state that his feet stuck fast in it. Fearing 
 the rise of the tide again, he shouted, " God help 
 Woodall," but without result. After .patiently waiting 
 a few minutes for a miracle, he cried out, " The divel 
 help Woodall." Still no assistance came. A little 
 longer, when he became more sober and began to 
 reflect on his situation, he said, " Help thy-sel, Wood- 
 all," and with a strenuous effort escaped from his diffi- 
 culty. 
 
 VERY SHARP. 
 
 A GENTLEMAN of an irritable turn was met by an 
 acquaintance who saluted him with, "A fine morn- 
 ing, sir." The immediate reply was, "Ey, who said 
 it was n't ? D'ye want a fratch % "
 
 Illustrations of Character and Manner. 119 
 
 HARD PRESSED AND CONQUERED. 
 
 The late John Steel, of The Gill, in Kinniside, was a 
 shepherd yeoman of the John Bull type — of few words 
 and slow of speech. On a general election for M.P.s, 
 he had, for some manorial reasons, promised to give 
 his vote under the direction of the late Mr. Robert 
 Benson, of Cockermouth, on the liberal side, while 
 his predilections tended another way. But he was a 
 sturdy man of his word, and having pledged it, he 
 would not swerve. 
 
 On appearing at the polling-booth at Egremont, he 
 was asked for whom he would vote. 
 
 John — " I vwote for Mr. Benson." 
 
 Officer^" Mr. Benson is not a candidate, and you 
 cannot vote for him. The candidates are so and so. 
 Which will you vote for? " 
 
 John — " I vwote for Mr. Benson." 
 
 Officer — " But he's not a candidate, Mr. Steel, and 
 you must really say which of the others you vote for." 
 
 John — " I say I vwote for Mr. Benson, and nea- 
 body else" — and he was turning away, when some 
 one whispered the name he was wished to vote for ; 
 being so reminded he could carry it no further, and 
 turned and gave his vote for Major Aglionby. 
 
 SAVING TO THE LAST. 
 
 A WEALTHY old yeoman in the west of the county was 
 of exceeding miserly habits. It is said that once, when 
 he was out of health, he sat by the roadside for three 
 weeks, in the hope that he would be able to extract 
 some gratuitous advice from any passing doctor of his
 
 1 20 Cumbriana. 
 
 acquaintance whom chance might lead that way. On 
 another occasion, in order to save medical fees, he 
 consulted a respectable druggist who thought he could 
 give him a box of pills at the cost of a shilling which 
 would afford relief; on telUng him that two of the pills 
 constituted a proper dose, he received the character- 
 istic and saving suggestion, " Does n't thou think, if 
 thou'd meadd them rayder strangger, that yati med 
 ha' done?" 
 
 VERY CROOKED. 
 
 Two neighbouring shepherds having quarrelled, one 
 accused the other of having a " creukt temper," when 
 he received this reply ; " Thou need say nought about 
 creukt tempers awivver, for thy temper's meadd o' 
 nought bit tip horns and grunstan hannels." 
 
 OF A SAVING TURN. 
 
 A CARRIER, speaking of a lady who was of a saving 
 turn, said, " Gittan tuppence of her for a parshel's like 
 rivin' a teuth out of her head." 
 
 OUTLANDISH WORKINGTON. 
 
 A VERY stout, homely couple were seen at the Work- 
 ington railway station, a short while ago, and the good 
 wife was heard to say to her husband, " Maister, this 
 is an outlandish kind of a spot, awivver, and I wish 
 we war bektth seaff heamm ageann at t' feut o' Cross- 
 fell."
 
 Illustrations of Character atid Manner. 1 2 1 
 
 ISAAC TINNION. 
 
 As an instance of ready reply Isaac may be quoted. 
 He was a strong and powerful man, and took a delight 
 in being employed as ilag-bearer in the processions of 
 the school and other festivals in Workington, "be- 
 cause," he said, " he could carry 't flag straight upreet 
 in a windy day." He did not confess to a liking for 
 ale ; and one day Miss Howe, the rector's daughter, 
 who organised a procession, anxiously inquired what 
 had happened to Isaac, for the flag was dangerously 
 near the windows in passing, and Isaac was leaning 
 forward. He heard the inquiry, and turned to the 
 lady, saying, " O Miss Howe, I's very bad. I've gum 
 biles in my back." 
 
 OLD ELECTION TIMES. 
 
 A FORMER Countess of Lonsdale, who took great inter- 
 est and amusement in elections, went to Sandwith to 
 try her skill in winning over a yeoman farmer through 
 the influence of his wife to vote for the earl's friend. 
 The nearest way to the voter's house was through a 
 small inclosure called the garth. 
 
 The dress of her ladyship was rather long, and the 
 path not over clean. The inmates saw through the 
 window a lady approaching, and the goodwife ex- 
 claimed, " What gars t' gowky gang through t' garth 
 to jarble o' her clekzz ! " 
 
 THE WINKER. 
 
 When the tithe commutation was going on in a parish 
 not far from Cleator, the commissioner was examining
 
 122 Ciimbriana. 
 
 the lessee of the tithes and did not approve of the 
 prevaricating answers he received as to their annual 
 value distinct from the farm held along with the tithes. 
 Whilst endeavouring to elicit more straightforward re- 
 plies, he overheard one of the company say, " Now, 
 Jemmy's winkan', and when he winks he lees." 
 
 VERY WRONG INDEED. 
 
 A Sandwith farmer walked down to Whitehaven with 
 his wife, and arranged to call for her after his business 
 was finished. A neighbour returning from town met 
 the farmer hurrying to Whitehaven, and inquired if any- 
 thing was wrong with him. " Ey, wrang far eneugh ! 
 I left t' wife at Peter Leech's and clean forgat to co' 
 for her."
 
 Superstitions. 123 
 
 SUPERSTITIONS. 
 
 Of all the absurd beliefs entertained by the credulous, 
 none seem more weak than the idea that toothache 
 can be cured by a charm ; or that warts can be dis- 
 persed, or a bleeding stayed, by a few unconnected 
 words, or by two or three short sentences written, or 
 a few hieroglyphic scratches made by some quack, 
 and given to the sufferer to be worn near the heart ; 
 not to be read or examined by the patient or any 
 other person. 
 
 Certainly, if read, the absurdity would be apparent, 
 and the belief annulled ; and so the charm could have 
 no effect, except on the imagination. As one instance 
 may be given — 
 
 THE CHARM TO STOP BLEEDING. 
 
 " In Bethlehem a child was born, 
 In Jordan was a flood ; 
 Sweet Jesus, stop this blood. 
 In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. — Amen." 
 
 It was not until near the end of the i8th century 
 that the belief, hitherto so prevalent, in seers and 
 witchcraft began to give way. It lingered through 
 the first quarter of the 19th century, gradually taper- 
 ing into small and smaller dimensions as education 
 advanced, and the rural classes, among whom had 
 been its stronghold, became more enlightened.
 
 1 24 Cumbviana. 
 
 The fear of ridicule had in a great measure sup- 
 pressed the outward belief; and when that was stayed, 
 the rising generation had fewer opportunities of hear- 
 ing the exciting but exaggerated stories of times gone 
 by. Many are the stirring narrations I have listened 
 to in early youth ; and doubtless at that time many of 
 them were believed, because not contradicted; and 
 because the young mind is so prone to accept the 
 marvellous as truth in preference to that which is rea- 
 sonable. 
 
 In more mature life, the absurdity is more easily 
 seen through, and reason generally asserts her suprem- 
 acy, and discards the high-drawn miracles. 
 
 THE SEER. 
 
 About the years 181 7 and 18 18, several farmers in 
 the neighbourhood of Lamplugh and Arlecdon had 
 geese stolen from their stubble fields in the autumn, 
 and from their outhouses in the early winter season, 
 without detecting the thieves. 
 
 Among others, Thomas Fisher, the then tenant of 
 North Mosses, lost a few from his field. He had 
 heard of George Lawson, of the Gill, near Egremont, 
 who could find out stolen goods and reveal many mys- 
 teries relating to matters stolen or lost, and who sorne- 
 times could denote the depredators. Fisher's belief 
 in seers was not strong, but he thought and said if 
 Lawson had been successful in some cases, he might 
 be again, and he should have a trial. I was invited 
 to ride over with him to see the man, and, my curio- 
 sity being greatly excited with the novelty, I readily 
 consented to accompany him. To avoid being ob- 
 served and chaffed, as we assuredly should have been
 
 Superstitions. 125 
 
 in daylight, on a chosen dark night we quietly reached 
 the place a little before the family bed-time, when 
 Fisher explained his errand and requested such aid 
 as the seer could give. 
 
 Lawson was a handloom weaver, and a well-esteemed 
 man in very moderate circumstances. Having a num- 
 erous young family, his small cottage did not afford 
 much accommodation for strangers, and we were 
 shown into a small upstairs bedroom, the candle placed 
 on a round table, and soon blown out. A globular 
 ball of dark glass, the size of a large orange, had 
 been produced whilst the light burned, and it was now 
 explained to us that the ball was to be held between 
 the two hands of a young person of pure morals and 
 of upright conduct, and closely looked down upon in 
 the dark, and the person holding it would answer 
 questions as to what he saw in the glass, if any dis- 
 covery was to be made. As the youngest person pre- 
 sent, the ball was offered to me, but not having seen 
 or heard of anything of the kind, I declined, and Law- 
 son's eldest son was called up, a lad of twelve or thir- 
 teen, who had acted in similar performances previously. 
 Virtually, the lad had been the seer under his father's 
 surveillance ; and now, after two or three minutes of 
 silence, the father began to question him, and the reply 
 was, " The light is only just coming on, and it is very 
 dim." After another interval of silence, the lad said 
 hesitatingly, " It is better now." "And what do you 
 see?" "Two men catching geese in the corner of a 
 field." Still with hesitation : " They've got one — they 
 are putting it into a sack — the rest have broke away — 
 they have driven them into the corner again — they 
 have caught two or three more." " Do you know the 
 men?" "No." "What is the field like?" "A 
 sloping field, and they are in the upper corner." 
 
 All this was slowly given out, and the description
 
 1 26 Cwnbrimta. 
 
 of the field agreed well with the one fi-om which the 
 geese were lost, and where marks of the taking had 
 been seen. He then said the light was going off; 
 but on Fisher's wishing to know something of the 
 thieves, we were told to wait awhile in silence, and he 
 would try further. After about a quarter of an hour, 
 the father asked again if he saw anything. "The 
 light is coming on." A short wait, and — " I see a 
 farm-house with a tree before it." " Only one ? " 
 "One." "Do you see the men?" "No." "Do 
 you know the house ? " " No — the light is going — 
 all is dark." This again was all slowly said, as if there 
 was difficulty in making out the objects ; and we were 
 told it was in vain to try any more on that occasion. 
 Lawson promised to try it on some future night, and 
 would inform Fisher if he could give more informa- 
 tion ; but no more was heard of it. The farm-house 
 and the tree before it brought strongly to mind the 
 residence of a family who had been selling cart-loads 
 of geese in the different market towns for some weeks ; 
 and from the great number passing through their 
 hands, suspicion bore strongly, upon them. 
 
 Whether or not Lawson had some private intima- 
 tion of the transaction, or he had sifted others who 
 had been to him on like occasions, we could not learn ; 
 and the answers, though pointed, were too vague to 
 found action upon. One thing rather suspicious was, 
 that our neighbour, Mr. Jonathan Boadle, who was 
 acquainted with Lawson, and was well up to and 
 delighted in a lark, knew the way to the Gill and we 
 did not, and was invited to be our guide, being pres- 
 ent all the time. On taxing him, he denied giving 
 any hint ; and, after many months, he declared he 
 had done nothing of the kind, and never had any 
 thought of it. He was of too candid a nature for me 
 to entertain any further suspicion, especially as he had
 
 Superstitions. 1 27 
 
 joined us in rewarding the seer with an unasked con- 
 tribution. This was the first and last circumstance of 
 the kind I had anything to do with, and I see no rea- 
 son to suspect collusion in the matter. 
 
 The late Dr. Jonathan I^angrigg Lawson, of Egre- 
 mont, a most worthy and talented man, and my inti- 
 mate friend of many years' standing, was own brother 
 to the seer, and he told me he had not believed in 
 the special gift of his brother, until one morning a litter 
 fork was missing from his stable. To test the reputed 
 skill of his brother he went one evening to ask if he 
 could throw any light on the matter ; when, after going 
 through a ceremony similar to the one described, 
 George told the Doctor the fork was then under a bed 
 in an upstairs room of a house in Egremont, which he 
 described so plainly that the Doctor was led to carry 
 out his investigation at once, and to learn the truth or 
 fallacy of the indication and of his brother's repute. 
 No name or place was given ; but he went direct to a 
 house agreeing with the description, and upstairs into 
 a room which, as a professional man, he had before 
 known, found the fork, and brought it away without 
 speaking to the astonished family, but not without 
 showing them what he took away. 
 
 FORTUNE TELLING. 
 
 An old servant of Cunningarth, near Wigton, when in 
 the act of making black puddings, always " likkent " 
 them to some newly-married couple. If the puddings 
 came sound and whole out of the pot, the said couple 
 would lead a happy life ; but if under too rapid a boil 
 they came out burst or damaged, it was a bad omen 
 for the conjugal happiness of the couple.
 
 128 Cumbriana. 
 
 CARD-PLAYERS. 
 
 In November, 1829, Mr. John Swinburn, of Bewald- 
 eth (then about 84 years of age), related to me the 
 following : — 
 
 The parish of Bassenthwaite was noted in former 
 times, as now, for the indulgence of its inhabitants in 
 card-playing. One Saturday evening a number of both 
 sexes had assembled in the inn, at the Haws, to amuse 
 themselves with card-playing. They played at loo — 
 and played deep and late — into Sunday morning, At 
 an early hour in the morning, a woman of the com- 
 pany, noted as a keen hand, began to boast of her 
 cleverness and success. By-and-by she held three 
 aces in one hand, and was so overjoyed that she ex- 
 claimed she was now a match for the devil ! The 
 next moment a horse was heard to gallop fiercely up 
 to the door, and, on its being opened, a gentlemanly- 
 looking man alighted and requested that his horse 
 might be taken to the stable, the request being at once 
 complied with. The horse was remarked to be an 
 exceedingly fine animal, coal black, and with a peculiar 
 fierceness in its look. It seemed to have been hard- 
 ridden, and suffered itself to be quietly tied up, but 
 not without the servant exhibiting signs of fear on 
 being near him, and of joy on closing the stable door 
 after leaving the horse. The gentleman was dressed 
 in black, and, on seeing the occupation of the com- 
 pany, requested permission to join their sport. His 
 request was acceded to, and he made himself agree- 
 able to all by his hearty good humour. He was in- 
 vited to sit at the table next to the woman who had 
 been so successful, and he took a hand with them. 
 His luck or cleverness enabled him soon to draw all 
 her winnings, as well as most of the cash from nearly
 
 Superstitions. 1 29 
 
 all present. Amid the surprise and confusion atten- 
 dant on seeing their money disappear so quickly, and 
 in their eagerness to have a return of luck, time was 
 forgotten, Sunday morning advanced, and every one 
 was more than usually intent on his or her hand of 
 cards. By some accident a card fell on the floor, and 
 on one of the company taking a candle to look for the 
 card, his eye accidentally glanced on the gentleman's 
 feet, and observed (what none had seen before) that 
 one of them was a club-foot. He looked up for the 
 gentleman's face, but he was gone ! — gone in an in- 
 stant ! and no one knew how or where, although he 
 was present the moment before. 
 
 Some sly trick was suspected, and one of the com- 
 pany began to condole with the rest, saying that if the 
 gentleman was gone, they should still be a good horse 
 into pocket, as that was safe under lock and key ; but 
 on going to look for the horse, the stall was found 
 empty ! Man and horse had both vanished ! Fear 
 struck at the hearts of all. They now discovered they 
 had been playing at cards a few hours into the Sab- 
 bath, and, for anything they knew, with the evil one 
 himself. A consciousness of evil aftected some of 
 tliem so much, that they were never known to play 
 cards again. 
 
 On mentioning the above soon after to the late 
 Mr. Norman, of High Dyke, my father-in-law, he said 
 he had often heard the same story, and in his younger 
 days it was generally believed. He also related an 
 instance of superstitious fear which occurred in his 
 presence. 
 
 A party had met at Mr. John Sibson's, at The Brow, 
 near Lorton, and were amusing themselves at three- 
 card loo. Mr. Scott,* of the Sun Inn, Cockermouth, 
 was one of the party, and for a few deals in succession 
 
 ■ Whom I well knew . 
 K
 
 1 30 Cumbriana. 
 
 he happened to have the ckib knave dealt to him. 
 He laughed with the rest at the occurrence for some 
 time; but on its continuing to be repeated he grew 
 angry ; and supposing some one at the table had put 
 the trick upon him, he threatened the sleight-of-hand 
 performer with instant vengeance if he should be found 
 out. The play continued, and, more frequently than 
 welcome, the hated club knave stared among his cards, 
 till fear began to predominate, and to such a degree 
 that his knees and even his jaws and teeth shook. 
 This went on until he declared that if his hand should 
 again open with that "devil card" in, he could play 
 no longer. He had hardly spoken till there it was 
 again, as black as ever ! Down went his cards, not in 
 anger now, but in actual fear. He turned pale, and 
 staggered from the table almost fainting, begging Mr. 
 Sibson to send a person to Cockermouth for one of 
 his chaises to take him home. He was so much 
 affected by the incident that he could scarcely walk 
 to the carriage, and his wife has said he could not 
 compose himself to sleep that night. The fear gradu- 
 ally subsided, but never entirely left him, and it was 
 never declared if the cards were tampered with. 
 
 THE LAST FAIRY. 
 
 The tradition runs that the last fairy seen near White- 
 haven was by a man standing on what is called the 
 " fairy rock," * near Saltom Pit. The man was look- 
 ing towards the Isle of Man, when he saw a calf com- 
 ing, at some height 'in the air, over the sea, and alight 
 on the rock beside him, In astonishment he ex- 
 claimed, "G— d ! weel loppen, cofe !" At the sound 
 
 * The Fairy Rock fell in one o"" the violent January storms of 1S72.
 
 Superstitions. 1 3 1 
 
 of the sacred name the calf disappeared, and no fairy 
 has since been seen. 
 
 BEWILDERING. 
 
 Thomas Bell, of Thornthwaite, was born and lived 
 at Peelwyke till grown up to a man, and gives the fol- 
 lowing proof of the superstition prevailing in his young 
 days : — 
 
 A family named Watson lived near, and three or 
 four of the young sons were accustomed to play on 
 the Castle Hill, which is believed to have been a Brit- 
 ish fort guarding the pass or wyke. These boys made 
 an excavation in the side of the hill and uncovered a 
 neat hut roofed with slate. Dinner-time came before 
 their exploration was completed, and they were called 
 home. In hopes of having made a great discovery, 
 they hurried back to the hill, but could not even find 
 the place, for all was covered with soil and green 
 sward as when they first found it, and no one has 
 found the place since. 
 
 Watson, the father of these boys, kept an ill-tem- 
 pered cur. One evening, about sunset, he saw two tiny 
 people dressed in green in a meadow near Peelwyke, 
 and set his dog on them. The dog went fiercely to 
 them, but immediately began to yell, and rolled over. 
 It continued to cry out, and occasionally to tumble, 
 till it reached Watson, and the little people were never 
 seen after. 
 
 JOHN STORROW. 
 
 The belief that God made everything so completely 
 adapted to man's use that no need existed to try to
 
 132 Cunibriana. 
 
 improve the land is exemplified in the following in- 
 stance, wherein the speaker seems unaware that our 
 first father was placed in the garden of Eden " to dress 
 it and to keep it," and that his successors were com- 
 manded to " till the ground." John's idea, doubtless, 
 arose from a reverential motive, but its application 
 was inappropriate. 
 
 John Storrow, of Plumpton Head, went to his neigh- 
 bour, William Birkett, who was cutting a drain in a 
 piece of wet land, and said, " What is ta aboot, Willy? 
 Does not ta think the Almighty knew best how to 
 mak land? It's t' height of wickedness, thee tryin' 
 ta mend his wark ! " 
 
 NEEDFIRE. 
 
 Although superstitious practices are slowly and gradu- 
 ally becoming fewer, the last generation was not want- 
 ing in instances, amongst which the " Needfire " held 
 a conspicuous place as a means of prevention, at the 
 time when the foot and mouth disease (then called the 
 murrain) prevailed among cattle and all cloven-footed 
 animals. 
 
 The disease had not been know^n in Cumberland in 
 the present century till about 1840, when it broke out 
 or was imported, and by its disastrous effect and ac- 
 tive progress spread dismay among all classes. Dair\- 
 cattle suffered most by it, for it not only dried up the 
 supply of milk, but incapacitated them for furtlier 
 utility by destroying one or more, and in some cases, 
 all the teats. Thus all classes in town or country suf- 
 fered by being deprived or restricted in the use of 
 milk, so needful find acceptable in all families. Nu 
 cure was known, for no one knew anything about it ;
 
 Superstitions. 133 
 
 and the cow doctors of the day, after various unsuc- 
 cessful experiments, one and all gave it up as beyond 
 their skill. It astonished people by being so easily 
 communicated. Even the smallest touch by a sound 
 hoof on the footstep of a diseased one sent the mis- 
 chief flying from one animal to another through whole 
 herds in a few days ; and people were afraid to walk 
 along the roads for fear of stepping where a murrained 
 cow had trod, and being the means of conveying the 
 virus to their own or other stocks. They even began 
 to be under some alarm lest the human subject should 
 become liable to contract the disease. 
 
 Old men were consulted, and old books were ran- 
 sacked for remedies, without effect. No doubt wise 
 women were consulted ; but nothing availed, and the 
 disease spread quickly. Preventives were next looked 
 for, and a rumour got afloat that the Needfire was 
 coming from the eastern parts of the county. At first 
 none knew what the Needfire was to be or to do, only 
 it was said to be a charm to check the ravages of the 
 murrain ; and in the panic some were afraid we should 
 be in danger of suftbcation by the smoke, or of being 
 burnt up by the fire — so outrageous were the exagger- 
 ated stories about it. After a few days of mystery and 
 much talk, columns of smoke were seen to arise to 
 eastward, to become more numerous, and to approach 
 day by da}'. Information came in advance that it was 
 to stay the plague. Where it was first kindled no one 
 could tell, but it was said to have been originated in 
 Yorkshire by some one rubbing two pieces of dry, 
 half-rotten wood together till they took fire, and that 
 there it had worked wonders. The fire was not to be 
 suftered to go out, nor to be taken into any house, or 
 the charm would be lost, till got up again in the same 
 way ; and the greater the smoke the stronger the 
 charm. Having been from home one day, I was not 
 
 li
 
 134 Cunibriana. 
 
 a little surprised, on returning in the evening, to 
 observe a grass field near my house so trampled with 
 cattle, that herbage was scarcely visible on it ; and, 
 without much inquiry, was quickly informed that Need- 
 fire had been in use. I had previously scouted the 
 idea, and directed that it should not be admitted, and 
 was inclined to feel annoyed that my orders should 
 have been disobeyed. This feeling was soon dispersed 
 when I was told that John Steel, of Whitekeld Farm, 
 who had been an old and valued servant with my 
 father, had brought the fire direct with the haste of 
 the "hot-trod" of ancient border warfare, from the 
 last kindling ; and, with great pride and bustle, would 
 neither taste "bite nor sup" till the fire was lighted 
 in the field, and the men sent out to draw in the cattle. 
 His proceedings had at first been strongly objected to, 
 but he had seemed so much cast down by the refusal, 
 that consent had been given on the score that if no 
 good came of it, no harm was likely to be done ; and 
 all knew his intentions to be good, and his anxiety 
 for the welfare of his old master's family was beyond 
 doubt. So the business went on. As the fire rose, it 
 was plied with weeds, old thatch, rushes, brushwood, 
 or any kind of fuel that had never been in a house, and 
 heaped again and again with whatever of that char- 
 acter was at hand and best adapted for raising a great 
 smoke. The great smoke was partly levelled in one 
 direction by a gentle breeze, and the men crowded 
 the cattle into it, and drove them in a continual ring, 
 sunwise, through it ; while John continued the hot- 
 trod to the next neighbour, and so on with it till re- . 
 lieved by some one wilHng to take his place. The 
 ring driving was repeated till the poor animals began 
 to sneeze, and then to cough — and so did the men — 
 till cattle and men were nearly suffocated, and then 
 the play ceased. Then it was thought the old man's
 
 Superstitions. 135 
 
 directions had been fully carried out, and the charm 
 was left to do its work, if it was to work at all. The 
 cattle were driven staggering to their several places 
 by the men, Avond<^ring at the strange incantations — 
 some impressed with fear, others (unbelievers) scoff- 
 ing at the ceremony, and railing not a little at the 
 outrageous smoking they had undergone. However, 
 the charm was not effectual in this instance, for the 
 herd was invaded by the disease on more occasions 
 than one during that summer ; but, by a careful system 
 of isolation, it did not extend to any great numbers. 
 
 Since that time no smoking bv Needfire has been 
 practised to my knowledge, although numerous in- 
 stances of foot-and-mouth disease have occurred in 
 various years. 
 
 CATTLE CHARMS. 
 
 There are other matters of superstition which have 
 escaped the notice of both Bourne and Brand, or are 
 not recorded in their elaborate works on popular 
 antiquities and superstitions. 
 
 Old people of two generations ago have said it was 
 a practice formerly with owners of cows subject to 
 abortion, (which malady is often known to continue 
 nearly three years in a herd,) to watch for the first 
 abortive calf showing signs of life, and to dig a hole 
 under the threshold of the byre, and bury the calf in 
 it — alive, if possible, but there to bury it, alive or 
 dead. 
 
 A still more barbarous practice was to take the first 
 living abortive calf, and at midnight to burn it alive. 
 It was allowable to despatch the calf with the aid of a 
 pitchfork as soon as it was thrown into the fire. If a
 
 136 Cmnbriaiia. 
 
 cure was to be effected by this, the evil spirit which 
 caused the disease would enter the byre or field where 
 the cattle were, and in parting revenge would set the 
 whole herd bellowing like so many mad creatures. 
 If in the byre, they would break loose, and a general 
 fight would ensue during the burning. If in the field, 
 they would break through the hedges, galloping furi- 
 ously, with heads and tails erect, bellowing and sur- 
 rounding the fire ; and woe be to the man who under- 
 took the sacrifice if he had not time to secure his 
 safety by flight. 
 
 If so near as seven months to the natural period, 
 the calf might be able to bawl lustily when the pitch- 
 fork was used ; and in a still night this would be heard 
 to a distance, and rouse the herd to fury. 
 
 These operations were to be perfoi'med by one per- 
 son alone, and no man would undertake it if he did 
 not believe in it. And believing that the evil spirit 
 was to be present, and to take part in it, or at least to 
 drive the cows mad for a time, it seems improbable 
 that the mystic charm would be undertaken by any 
 one ; and it certainly would not be adopted in sport. 
 
 A later and more rational practice has been to 
 endeavour to rear the seven-months calf; and this 
 has been followed with success. 
 
 As the malady gradually abates, which it usually 
 does towards the end of the third year, the calves are 
 dropped with increasing strength ; the charm is broken, 
 and all goes well again. 
 
 THE PHANTOM BELL. 
 
 Perhaps no class of men have been more prone to 
 believe in supernatural sounds and appearances than
 
 Superstitions. 137 
 
 those who work underground in coal and other mines ; 
 and the beUef is perpetuated to this day, in a gradu- 
 ally weakening degree. 
 
 A man working in a solitary part of the Graysouthen 
 colliery was annoyed, day after day, by what he took 
 to be a bell ringing in a distant part of the mine, 
 where he knew no bell could be, and where no one 
 was working. This continued ; he could make no- 
 thing of it, and his mind brooded upon it till he 
 believed the place was haunted, and he got so afraid 
 that he durst not work there any longer, begging of 
 the overman to put him to work in another part of the 
 mine. The overman consented, but first desired the 
 man to show him the place he dreaded so much. On 
 reaching it, the phantom was soon discovered to be a 
 drop of water falling at considerable intervals into a 
 still pool at a Uttle distance, round the corner of the 
 workings. The poor man was at once convinced \ his 
 fears vanished ; and he continued to work contentedly 
 at his usual place. 
 
 JWONY AND THE FAIRY. 
 
 An old miner came from Tindal fell to Bolton collier- 
 ies, and used to relate many stories of witches and 
 warlocks ; among them was one of his own experience, 
 in which he firmly believed. When at Tindal fell, he 
 and some of his fellow-workmen agreed to enjoy them- 
 selves with having a black drink, i.e., in their working- 
 clothes. 
 
 There was an illicit still some three or four miles 
 away, where they could have whisky cheaper than 
 from an inn, and Jwony was deputed to go there for a 
 gallon and a half. Though attended by a total
 
 138 Cwnbriana. 
 
 abstainer in the shape of his dog Swan, he could not 
 resist the Uberal offers of the distillers, which took 
 effect accordingly. On his way home he had a brook 
 to cross ; and feeling uncertain whether he could safely 
 cross by the stepping-stones, he took the wiser course 
 to lay down on the bank, but eventually rolled into 
 the stream,' where fortunately it was shallow ; and 
 there he lay helpless. With more than common saga- 
 city, the dog seemed to understand his predicament, 
 and hurried home ; and by its anxious gestures and 
 continued whining, induced Betty, the wife, to accom- 
 pany it to where her husband was left, and in time to 
 save him. During the time he was in the water, he 
 chanced to turn his head round, and saw a little man, 
 of less than a foot high, dressed in green, and perched 
 on his shoulder ; he remained there till Betty came, 
 and then he vanished. Jwony fancied the little crea- 
 ture had the power, and kept him down, and he used 
 to say, " If it hedn't been for Swan and Betty, I med 
 ha' tofert in t' beck ; for it was them 'at freetn't t' laal 
 thing away." 
 
 The old man believed in this till his dying day; 
 and doubtless many a fairy story has sprung out of 
 similar materials ; and he could never rationally ac- 
 count for some missing whisky, but said the wind was 
 so strong that it blew him down at different times in 
 coming home. 
 
 IRISH SOIL. 
 
 There is a lengthened conical hill at Stockhow Hall, 
 called " Henkam Hill," where it is said a former lord 
 (Patrickson) caused a cargo of soil to be brought from 
 Ireland, and spread it over the surface of this hill to
 
 Superstitions. 1 39 
 
 banish all venomous creatures, that his children might 
 play there in safety. 
 
 A similar tradition is given relating to the hill on 
 which Egremont Castle was built ; there is, however^ 
 no record of any venomous thing being known at 
 either place. 
 
 BEES. 
 
 Certain people believe that bees sing the Old Hun- 
 dredth Psalm on Christmas morning. If one of the 
 family die, one of the household goes and taps at the 
 hives, and conveys the intelligence to the bees in a 
 whisper ; and on the day of the funeral, before the 
 procession leaves the house, the bees are again in- 
 formed that the body is about to be lifted.* This is 
 done to prevent ill-luck to the hives and honey. 
 
 THE BOGGLES OF WHITEHAVEN. 
 
 Whitehaven has been noted in old times for a New- 
 town boggle, which occasionally rendered night hi- 
 deous by its bowlings, and especially before fatal acci- 
 dents occurred in the collieries. It was said some- 
 times to exhibit itself in the shape of a very large dog ; 
 but it has not been seen or heard in warning or other- 
 wise for two or three generations past. 
 
 Towards the end of the last century, before street 
 lamps were in use or night watchmea employed in 
 Whitehaven, it was firmly believed that a ghost, in the 
 form of a tall female, haunted and perambulated the 
 
 * The last case known was at Asby, in the parish of Arlecdon, in 1855.
 
 140 Ciunbriana. 
 
 streets of the town and quays of the harbour, and was 
 occasionally seen on the roads at the outskirts. This 
 
 was averred to be the ghost of a Miss G , whose 
 
 family resided in a large and well-appointed house 
 situate opposite the west end of the present market- 
 house. A large garden behind was laid out in ter- 
 races across the slope of the hill, and a mulberry tree 
 grew in the centre. 
 
 The corpse of the lady was found one morning, 
 apparently as having fallen from an upstairs window ; 
 and it was conjectured by some foul play. 
 
 The apparition was a silent one, and peaceful as 
 well ; always disappearing round some corner, or by 
 some dark and narrow entry to avoid being met, and 
 no one mustered courage to speak to or meddle with it. 
 
 A room in the house was stated to be haunted by 
 the ghost, noises being heard there during the nights ; 
 and none of the servants durst look into the room. 
 This continued for some years, when the Rev. Wilfrid 
 Hudleston, unwilling* as some say, to lay the ghost, 
 not in the Red Sea, but under the mulberry tree in 
 the garden. His tact and efforts were successful, and 
 the appearance was never seen after. 
 
 Tradition tells us that a gentleman belonging to the 
 family was missing from the time the body of the lady 
 was found, and none could account for his absence or 
 tell of his whereabouts. 
 
 The G stood high in mercantile matters, having 
 
 plantations in the West India Islands ; and the rum- 
 our went that the missing gentleman might have gone 
 out to superintend them, and so suspicion was quieted. 
 It is stated that by some oversight the door of the 
 haunted room stood ajar one morning, and that a ser- 
 vant in passing espied the figure of a strange man slip 
 
 * There was then a b'^lief that any one who succeeded in laying a ghost 
 could only do so under the inevitable penalty of being deprived of some fac- 
 ulty ; as, one of the five senses, for instance.
 
 Superstitions. 141 
 
 hastily into a closet or cupboard and shut himself in. 
 The girl was terror-struck, and could not refrain from 
 reporting to the family Vv'hat she had seen — that a 
 man was in hidlins (hiding) in the mysterious room. 
 It appears that Mr. Hudleston had the confidence of 
 the family, and possibly of the ghost too ; and that 
 immediately after the above discovery he had waylaid 
 the figure in one of its rambles, and advised it to give 
 up its unearthly practice ; saying it (or rather he) had 
 been a street-walker long enough, and under present 
 circumstances must at once undergo the ceremony of 
 being laid under the mulberry tree, and must take his 
 departure from Whitehaven. Night walking exercise 
 had doubtless been beneficial on the score of health, 
 even to a ghost ; and as it could now no longer be 
 enjoyed in safety, the advice was promptly followed, 
 and the ghost never more seen, and the noises in the 
 dark room ceased. 
 
 PADDY CORE'S WIFE. 
 
 A GOOD number of years ago a small farmer at Gray- 
 southen suffered by the deaths of four swine and three 
 cows, within the space of a few weeks, from some 
 mysterious cause which he could attribute to nothing 
 but witchcraft. One morning he went to tlie byre 
 where the last cow died, and on opening the door out 
 sprang a hare, which escaped him. Believing that 
 witches could transform themselves into hares or other 
 animals, he at once concluded he had discovered the 
 secret he had long suspected ; and that his next neigh- 
 bour, Paddy Core's old and repulsive-looking wife, was 
 the hare, and had been brooding further mischief to 
 him. Acting on this idea, he rushed into Paddy's
 
 142 Cnmbriana. 
 
 house in great fury, and dragged the infirm old 
 woman into the byre, and swore that if she would not 
 break the charm she should never bewitch cow or pig 
 again, for he would be the end of her there and then. 
 In spite of her screams and protestations of innocence, 
 he shook her still more roughly, till she begged him 
 to desist and she would do her best. She muttered a 
 few words, unintehigible to him, and he then let her 
 go ; and fortunately he lost no more of his stock. 
 He is yet living, in 1874, and is firmly convinced that 
 Paddy Core's wife was a witch, and that he put a stop 
 to her cantrips so flir as regarded his cattle. 
 
 BRANTHWAITE NOOK BOGGLE. 
 
 A YOUNG man of Branthwaite had an errand to the 
 neighbouring village of Ullock on a dark winter night, 
 during the period when the headless boggle of Bran- 
 thwaite Nook (so celebrated by Dr. A. C. Gibson) was 
 much talked about, and by some much dreaded. 
 
 He stayed till near midnight ; and when he returned 
 his mother expressed her satisfaction, saying, " Loavin 
 days, John ! I thought thou wad be sa freeten't o' t' 
 boggle 'at thou durst n't come past t' Neuk." John 
 had duly considered the matter before and replied, 
 " Nay, mudder, you ned n't ha' been sa freetn't, for aa 
 left my clogs at hekmm an' went i' my shun, an' I com 
 sa deftly it couldn't hear me ; an' it was so dark I's 
 sure it could n't see me." 
 
 -^•s^t^:^^^*.^^'-
 
 Rcviinisccnccs of Clerical Life. 143 
 
 REMINISCENCES OF CLERICAL LIFE 
 
 IN THE 
 
 EARLY PART OF THE 19TH CENTURY. 
 
 In recounting the following it must not be thought I 
 intend to hold up the sacred calling, or its members, 
 to ridicule ; or that I am wanting in respect to the 
 office. My aim is to record a few instances of suc- 
 cessful struggles for existence, or of eccentricity of 
 character, as observed at the end of the eighteenth 
 and beginning of the present century ; examples of 
 which are now as rare as they were then plentiful. 
 " Wonderful Walker," whom Wordsworth has so justly 
 celebrated, and many others, have been recorded by 
 abler hands. Of these I only intend to relate such 
 as came under my own observation, and chiefly in my 
 own neighbourhood. 
 
 The rage for collecting subscriptions had not then 
 started among clergymen, except for purchasing a 
 new bell rope, or renewing a pitch pipe ; and then 
 only pennies were looked for. Churches, and some 
 few schools — one serving for each parish — had been 
 built in former times : and in spite of their damp 
 floors and mouldy walls, and other uncomfortable 
 and unhealthy properties, served the purposes of 
 their dedication without complaint or murmur on 
 the part of the parishioners ; and the clergy had 
 neither power nor inclination to agitate on behalf of 
 new parochial edifices. The bustling anxiety of the 
 curate of the present day was altogether unknown to
 
 144 Ciuiibriana. 
 
 the steady-going minister of that period. The diffi- 
 culties and privations of the meritorious class of poor 
 country parsons of that day should also be recorded as 
 a contrast to the status of the class at the present time ; 
 and many are even yet sadly underpaid. Many of 
 the rural clergy were constrained by necessity, as well 
 as by duty, to become teachers, after the primitive 
 custom of Whittlegate* was abandoned ; and until 
 schools were built, they taught in the chancels of the 
 churches, in the cold of winter and the heat of 
 summer. No fires or stoves were in use, and the only 
 way to maintain a comfortable heat of body was in 
 warm clothing, when it could be afforded, or a smart 
 walk to and fro for the master and a run for the 
 children. 
 
 When it was parochially decided that a school should 
 be built, it was erected on the edge of the common, or 
 on some roadside waste ; and great part of the work 
 was done gratuitously by the inhabitants of the parish. 
 Some tore out a few cartloads of stones from the 
 breast of a quarry. Others collected from the fields 
 or commons, and conveyed the half-loads to the site, 
 in clog-wheeled carts — then the cart of the day — for 
 the unmade roadway would not admit of a reasonable 
 load. Seldom was the mason's chisel applied, and 
 " rough and ready," if substantial, was the order of 
 architecture. Some cut a tree or two from the hedge- 
 rows for timbering. A general boon-day was organized 
 for bringing the cheapest slate from the quarry. Some 
 contributed a pack-load of lime, and others of sand, 
 for mortar, to which clay was sometimes added by 
 way of sparing lime ; and this mode of conveyance 
 was considered safer than risking the overturning of 
 the cart, as the matter of time was not then important. 
 
 * Clergymen and schoolmasters were privileged to use their whittles or 
 knives at the tables of their parishioners, in a rotation known and sanctioned 
 by them, to aid the scanty stipends.
 
 I 
 
 Reminiscences of Clerical Life. 145 
 
 Some volunteered in turns as masons' labourers, or 
 assisted in anything they could put their hands to. 
 No bricks were required, and the floor was of earth or 
 clay, trodden hard down. The little money required 
 was asked from those who could not contribute in 
 labour, or who had not the opportunity, and a rude 
 but serviceable structure erected, of a more comfort- 
 able nature for teaching in than the damp and fireless 
 church. Many of these little edifices may still be 
 found, but are gradually being superseded by more 
 pretentious, and much more costly buildings, and 
 most of the modern clergymen find their time suffi- 
 ciently occupied with their other duties. 
 
 Few old parish schools exhibit dates of erection ; 
 but we have a clue to their approximate age in the 
 absence of thatched roofs. Of these I cannot call to 
 mind even one example, though many of farm houses 
 and out-buildings. Towards the end of the eighteenth 
 century slate roofs became more common, and the 
 dangerous and unthrifty thatched roof, with high and 
 stepped gables, began gradually to disappear ; and it 
 may be reasonably concluded that the schools of 
 country parishes were mainly built in the eighteenth 
 century, and most of them in the latter half of it. 
 
 If a country churcli was to be built, or required 
 rebuilding or heavy repairs, a royal mandate, called a 
 brief was issued to the bishops, and by them to the 
 clergy, to be read in all the churches, and collections 
 made. Sometimes these resulted in nothing, and 
 often in only a few pence. 
 
 Rev. OSBORNE LITTLEDALE, who was long 
 curate of Buttermere, was a native of Whillimoor, and 
 was born and brought up at High Toot Hill, in the 
 
 L
 
 146 Ctmibriana. 
 
 parish of Arlecdon, of which Whillimoor forms one of 
 four townships. His father was a dry-stone waller, 
 and managed to afford his son a clerical education at 
 St. Bees, on the products of his daily labour, and of 
 his estate of eighteen high-lying acres, tilled by his 
 own hand. The young man was tall and robust, and 
 although fond of and skilled in athletic sports, he did 
 not neglect his education. Of a good figure, he might 
 be thought a little too uncouth for the ministry of a 
 populous parish. His manners were of the homeliest 
 character, and his very dark complexion, rather repul- 
 sive features, and a somewhat disagreeable squint with 
 one eye, would in some measure disqualify him for 
 attaining celebrity as a popular clergyman in polished 
 society. But popular he was in his ministry at But- 
 termere ; for he was strong and active, willing and 
 ready to put his hand to work when his neighbours 
 were in need of help ; and having been brought up to 
 farm work, nothing of that kind came amiss to him. 
 The place almost appeared as if made for him, or he 
 made for it, and for the people, by whom he was 
 looked up to as a friend and favourite, as he truly was. 
 His ordinary dress was becoming for his week-day 
 work, consisting of a drab fustian coat, corduroy knee- 
 breeches, grey stockings of the coarsest yarn, with 
 clogs, or strong calkered shoes, stuffed with dried 
 brackens, and hat brown, bare, and crumpled. In 
 climbing or descending the steep mountains, calkers 
 are as indispensable to the Cumberland shepherd and 
 others whose business leads them to frequent excur- 
 sions on the fells, as the alpen-stock and spiked shoes 
 are to the members of the Alpine Club. And the 
 brackens, where straw was scarce, and such ample foot 
 room given in shoes as was the custom of the day, 
 made a shoe or clog of any reasonable size hang well 
 on the foot, when aided by good iron clasps.
 
 Reminiscences of Clerical Life. 147 
 
 Parson Littledale's ability and willingness to help, 
 always without money pay, made him a great favourite 
 with his flock, especially as he would undertake and 
 perform feats of exertion that iQ.\^ others could accom- 
 plish. 
 
 In that neighbourhood the best peat earth is found 
 on the mountain heights ; if any poor family wanted 
 peats cut, and they could not afford to hire, he would 
 volunteer a day, shoulder his spade, with bread and 
 cheese in his pocket for dinner, and labour with or 
 excel the best from early morn to sunset. When 
 sledging time came, and peats were dry, he would 
 shoulder the sledge, take it up to the top, load it and 
 run it down, and rally those who were unable to do 
 as he could. At the sheep-clippings he was always 
 busily employed, and could keep the whole gathering 
 in a roar of laughter with his stories and anecdotes ; 
 and when the work was done, could enjoy his glass 
 without excess. In haytime, if any had more work 
 set out than his available force could accomplish, 
 he'd "gang an' ax t' priest to help a bit." And 
 " t' priest," ever ready, would exert his strength and 
 fork to the cart or the hay-mow in a way that few 
 could follow. He could handle an axe, and cut 
 down a tree, and strip the bark as well as any wood- 
 man ; and whatever he took in hand, he did it with 
 a will, and could show his parishioners how they 
 ought to work. His stipend was very small when he 
 commenced — only about £,2'^, and eventually it was 
 augmented to about ^40 per annum ; and to eke out 
 a subsistence for himself and family, he farmed the 
 fishery of Buttermere lake, which would make a small 
 addition to his income. Net and rod together (and 
 with the latter he was an expert), he could have a dish 
 of excellent trout in the season, when probably his 
 means would not always aftbrd a joint of meat, and
 
 148 Cumhriana. 
 
 none could be had nearer than KesAvick — a journey 
 of ten miles each way, and no carrier on the road. 
 When char were netted, (none took bait,) they were 
 sent to Keswick as the bread-winners. When a fox 
 hunt was organized, he was out with the first and 
 foremost, could scale the crags with the best, and tire 
 most of the hunt in a long day's run. Otter hunting 
 was a favourite sport, too ; and, if necessary, he could 
 swim and dive almost as well as that animal itself. 
 This kind of chase seldom occurred, from the scarcity 
 of the game ; but when it did happen, he enjoyed 
 both the hunt and the fun of slyly husthng some known 
 bully or stuck-up effeminate into the river or lake to 
 cool, without fear of retaliation; for few durst take liber- 
 ties with one of his burly frame and spirit. In his early 
 manhood, while attending to his scholastic duties at 
 St. Bees, he became a good wrestler, and won some 
 prizes, and used to say there was more to learn at a 
 public school than Greek and Latin. During a holi- 
 day, he and John Sumpton, the then young parish 
 clerk of Arlecdon, agreed to go to Egremont Crab-fair 
 sports ; when Sumpton brought away the prize for 
 running, and the young parson the belt as the winning 
 wrestler. Rather late in life he obtained a Lancashire 
 curacy, with an improved stipend ; but the turmoil of 
 a busy manufacturing community, with its accessories 
 of steam and smoke, was in no way congenial to his 
 feelings. The population and dialect were so different 
 from his former associations that he became dispirited ; 
 and unable to rally against a severe attack of illness, 
 he finally succumbed to ic, leaving somewhat comfort- 
 able circumstances to his family, by an undeviating 
 course of care and economy, without parsimon)-, 
 during many years.
 
 Reminiscences of Clerical Life. 149 
 
 The Rev. JOHN GREGSON, Senior, was curate at 
 Lamplugh, on a small stipend, and helped it by teach- 
 ing the parish school boys and girls for several years, 
 till age and infirmity incapacitated him for active 
 duties. He was of a mild and gentle spirit, with 
 scarce energy enough to preserve due order among 
 his forty or fifty restless pupils, of whom the writer 
 was one of the juniors ; and liberties were occasionally 
 taken, which he did not often resent. He was brought 
 up a hand-loom weaver in Wigton, and, by a course 
 of hard saving, had managed to fit himself for the 
 clerical life of that day, and finally to accumulate a 
 little property. His school-day dress was of the 
 plainest, and generally consisted of a checked linen 
 shirt, blue dufifle coat with large metal buttons, waist- 
 coat of like cloth, drab corduroy knee-breeches with- 
 out braces, grey yarn stockings, and often clogs. 
 These homely habiliments were supplemented by a 
 blue linen apron, such as weavers used to wear, wound 
 about his waist, helping to conceal the space between 
 the waistcoat and breeches, where otherwise his linen 
 would have been visible. This dress was seldom laid 
 aside, except on Sundays or at funerals. At weddings 
 or christenings, his chief change in dress was to don a 
 black coat and waistcoat, and sometimes a white 
 neckerchief: the surplice, having been for a taller 
 man, doing useful service on such occasions. 
 
 Tourists had not then begun to scour the country 
 and criticise its population ; and a worthy man might 
 wear whatever was most useful to him, and his finan- 
 ces could best afford, without being subject to remark. 
 
 The reverse of teetotalism was the fashion of that 
 period ; but he was a consistently temperate man, 
 neither refusing to join the social circle nor indulging 
 beyond the bounds of reason. He lived in frugal
 
 1 50 Cuvibriana. 
 
 lodgings, and obtained and kept the respect of his 
 parishioners by his uprightness and meek demeanour. 
 In person he was rather below the middle size, and 
 broad-set ; and his long blue coat and other outfit 
 bespoke the handicraftsman, in a clean-looking, ordi- 
 nary working dress. 
 
 He was succeeded in the curacy of Lamplugh by 
 his son, the Rev. John Gregson. 
 
 The Rev. JOHN GREGSON, Junior, was chiefly 
 educated by his father till fit to go to the Grammar 
 School at St. Bees. He would be a man of more 
 than thirty years of age when ordained, and I believe 
 his first curacy was Lamplugh. He had been pretty 
 well grounded in the classics ; and in following his 
 father as teacher of the parish school, gave most of 
 his attention to the advanced pupils. When I went 
 to his school for about two years, he had a few young 
 men of over twenty years old, educating for the 
 Church, who made good progress under him — not 
 greatly to the advancement of the younger classes. He 
 dressed in a rather more refined style than his father, 
 and always wore a black coat and waistcoat, with the 
 serviceable dark drab or olive corduroy breeches and 
 dark grey stockings, without gaiters or leggings. He 
 commonly wore strong calkered shoes, and was rather 
 fond of trying their speed against those of any young 
 men of his parish who felt disposed to give him a 
 trial, and was not easily beaten on fair ground. 
 
 He also lived in frugal lodgings, and saved up 
 what he could. He was a man of few words, and 
 mixed little in society, his chief amusement being an 
 occasional game of whist, when invited to spend a 
 winter's evening with a neighbour. In summer he
 
 Remijiiscenccs of Clerical Life. 151 
 
 took long, solitary walks on the holiday Saturdays. 
 He was of good stature, and well built, with little of 
 the clerical in his appearance or demeanour, and 
 might have been taken by a stranger for a farmer in 
 market-day dress. He had not learned to dispense 
 with his native dialect of Wigton, and occasionally 
 introduced its peculiarities into his reading and 
 preaching, and more often in his sparse conversation. 
 Now and then he had to undergo a sarcastic remark 
 upon it, which had the effect of increasing his reti- 
 cence ; and, being of modest and retiring habits, he 
 would often have to pay the penalty for neglecting to 
 acquire the orthodox pronunciation in his younger 
 days. He had a strong ambition to become son-in- 
 law to a neighbouring " statesman," of good substance 
 and some drollery, and was a frequent visitor at the 
 house. The old man was somewhat loquacious, and 
 fond of repeating his anecdotes and reciting his 
 home-spun rhymes, but could never extract a rejoinder 
 from the parson, and not often a remark or a question. 
 One evening, after a vain endeavour to draw out his 
 visitor, the old yeoman sat silent for a time, whilst 
 concocting an appropriate couplet; and getting im- 
 patient, and still without a word from the young man, 
 he said : 
 
 " Will ye nowder sing nor say. 
 Tell ateall, nor gang away?" 
 
 This sally only had the short-lived effect of driving 
 him away on that occasion, for his visits were soon 
 renewed with the same silent admiration. In time 
 they became tiresome to the old man, who, though 
 eminently talkative, felt the annoyance of constantly 
 sustaining a one-sided conversation, in which his two 
 daughters could not assist him, and vented his disap- 
 probation to them with a groan, and : 
 
 " Thur bishops and priests are not o' my plan : 
 I'd rayder our Nancy hed a good husbandman."
 
 152 Cumbrian a. 
 
 After allowing the parson ample time to open negotia- 
 tions, the young lady discarded him for a rival, who 
 was a "good husbandman," and a thriving one too, 
 and who made a good husband to her. 
 
 Not long afterwards the parson retired to his home 
 in Wigton, and married there. He gave way to less 
 temperate habits, and died in middle life. 
 
 The Rev. JAMES PONSONBY, of Ennerdale, was 
 a remarkably fine-looking man, and of gentlemanly 
 demeanour. He was said to be of the family of the 
 Ponsonbys of Walton ; and being a younger brother, 
 without fortune, availed himself of his superior educa- 
 tion to enter the Church as a means of support. 
 Having been reared amid great plenty, it was no small 
 trial to him to learn to exist on eighty pounds a year. 
 But he resolutely set himself to the task, and, imitat- 
 ing the dialect of his parishioners, used to say he had 
 learned to eat " taties and bacon off a bare fir board." 
 He was a bachelor, lodged in a farm-house, and lived 
 as the family did. He mixed sociably Avith his par- 
 ishioners and other neighbours who mostly made him 
 welcome, and rendered himself tolerably comfortable 
 on a stipend very much below the amount his early 
 years had enjoyed, settling on his curacy for a long 
 period, and possessing the respect and good-will of 
 all. 
 
 When the Wild Dog of Ennerdale was committing 
 so much destruction among the mountain flocks in 
 that and the neighbouring fell districts, it was custo- 
 mary to assemble the hounds to try to kill or chase 
 the destroyer away, whenever the opportunity offered 
 of his locality being known, irrespective of days or 
 times. One Sunday morning, during divine service,
 
 Reminiscences of Clerical Life. 153 
 
 the hounds were passing the church in full cry after 
 the great dog. The excitement was too much for the 
 congregation to resist, for male and female, young and 
 old, felt so much interested in the probable destruc- 
 tion of their enemy, that all arose and ran who could. 
 And when Mr. Ponsonby found his church and minis- 
 try deserted, it was said he stripped his surplice and 
 followed, as far as his advanced years and impaired 
 locomotive powers allowed. 
 
 Like the great King Alfred, he was once left alone 
 in the house to mind the pot-boiling, while the mis- 
 tress was absent. When the good woman returned, 
 she found the broth swimming with fat. This being 
 something unusual at Brackenwrea in those days, the 
 parson was asked, in a not very agreeable tone, to 
 account for it. He at once said he had found a 
 pound of butter in the dairy, put it into the broth, and 
 had enjoyed a good fat crowdy very much. He was 
 not appointed to the same office again. 
 
 Aware of his propensity to indulgence, as he grew 
 in years, he sometimes warned his parishioners to do 
 as he said, and not as he did. 
 
 The Rev. SAMUEL SHERWEN, rector of Dean, 
 began life with very moderate means, but apparently 
 settled in his mind that he Avould improve those means 
 by great industry and strict economy. Twice he 
 walked to Chester to pass his examination and obtain 
 his ordination from the Bishop ; his walks being from 
 early morn till dewy eve, and being a strong and will- 
 ing pedestrian, no idle time was spent on the way. 
 
 In early life he was for some time an usher in the 
 Grammar School at Bolton-le-Moors. He afterwards 
 held the curacy of Embleton, and taught in the Gram-
 
 154 Cunibriana. 
 
 mar School at Cockermouth, living in frugal lodgings 
 and saving a little money. In consequence of the 
 pecuniary embarrassments of the then rector of Dean, 
 (the Rev. Henry Sill,) who had, among many other 
 obligations, neglected to pay his curate, Mr. Sherwen, 
 his salary, for some years, and, it is said, had also bor- 
 rovi^ed money from him, the living vi^as sequestrated, 
 and Mr. Sherwen was licensed as curate by the Bishop, 
 and finally purchased the living — it was said at a very 
 advantageous rate — and became rector of Dean. 
 
 He continued to labour at his school in Cockermouth 
 and his church at Dean for some years, having com- 
 fortable lodgings in his parish, and letting the rectory 
 farm and a large parcel of land, allotted to the rectory 
 in lieu of tithes, to tenants. The tenant of the parson- 
 age farm having a strong family, and having made 
 money, took the noted Schoose Farm, belonging to 
 J. C. Curwen, Esq., M.P. ; and Mr. Sherwen, being 
 prejudiced in favour of a farmer's life, took the farm 
 into his own hands, and commenced farmer. Till now 
 the energy of his character was hardly suspected, for 
 it was hidden under his peaceful demeanour. His 
 industry was undisputed ; but it was never imagined 
 that such a homely and quiet-going man as he, was 
 capable of the active and untiring perseverance that 
 from this time he exhibited, both in his clerical char- 
 acter and in the management of his glebe. Like most 
 others, he was not without his eccentricities, but they 
 were alwa3's intended to do good, and none seemed 
 to point in any other direction. 
 
 It has been remarked that a good farmer was 
 spoiled when Mr. Sherwen was made a parson ; but 
 his constant endeavour was to shew that in neither 
 character was he either spoiled or injured. Constant 
 in his duties as a clergyman — in visitmg the sick, and 
 in administering the consolations of religion to his
 
 Rcviiiiiscences of Clerical Life. 155 
 
 parishioners ; in secretly aiding the necessitous, and 
 in giving advice, he was unwearied, and always ready 
 when called on, day or night. Being of a social turn, 
 he mixed much in the society of the heads of his own 
 and the neighbouring parishes, when he relished a 
 rubber at whist or a dance, and the temperate enjoy- 
 ment of the evening. 
 
 Once, on the breaking up of a party, the writer of 
 this saw hhn in a position he did not seem to enjoy. 
 For some time he had been paying attention to Miss 
 Wood, of Pardshaw Hall, and had a rival in Mr. John 
 Fisher, of Coldkeld, a tall and very powerful man. 
 Mr. Shervven was already on horseback at the door, 
 waiting to escort Miss Wood home, when Mr. Fisher 
 went up, and lifting the quiet pony's hind leg back- 
 wards, held it there for some time, in spite of the 
 vigorous application of a slender switch and the strong 
 remonstrance of the parson, amid the laughter of the 
 party. The pony's struggles to get away were quite 
 fruitless under the powerful grasp of the giant, and it 
 gave up the attempt and stood as if held in a vice till 
 Mr. Fisher was satisfied with the effect of his lark, and 
 set it and its rider at liberty. Neither of the rivals 
 were successful in that pursuit, for death — that more 
 powerful competitor — stepped in a few months after, 
 and carried off the fair prize. 
 
 Mr. Sherwen afterwards married Miss Robinson, of 
 Cockermouth, who died in a few years without leaving 
 any family. To divert his mind from his bereavement, 
 he took up farming keenly, and particularly the grazing 
 of sheep and cattle, for which his farm was very suit- 
 able. In accordance with this, he became a regular 
 attendant at the Monday markets at Cockermouth, 
 where, exercising liis judgment, he frequently made 
 purchases of Irish cattle at a reasonable rate, and of 
 Cheviot and mountain sheep, and was not shy at
 
 156 Cumbriana. 
 
 driving his bargains home. So laborious was he in 
 his pursuit, that he went to nearly all the fairs within 
 many miles, most commonly on foot, returning the 
 same day. He has gone in the morning, on foot, from 
 Dean to Grasmere fair, in Westmoreland, purchased 
 sheep, and driven them home in the evening, but 
 stretching a long way into next morning — the distance 
 about sixty miles. Speaking of this and similar excur- 
 sions, he has often said he never knew what fatigue 
 in walking was, and especially if he thought he had 
 made fortunate bargains, as he frequently did. In his 
 attendance at the sheep fairs, he was not one to judge 
 of the quality or condition of the sheep by a poke with 
 his stick over the side of the pen, nor to purchase 
 without careful examination. With due respect to his 
 clerical habiliments, and care of his own belongings, 
 he mostly took pains to retire and put on his trousers 
 the wrong way, or inside outwards, and then could 
 press in and wade among the highly-coloured flock, to 
 handle and turn them to his heart's content, with the 
 smallest injury to his dress. When his examinations 
 were over, his trousers were as easily turned again in 
 some stable or outhouse, and he was once more a 
 parson in dress. 
 
 The labour attending his ministry and farm, exten- 
 sive as it was, could not satisfy his energy. He was 
 appointed guardian of the poor of the parish ; and his 
 attendance was so constant, and his qualifications for 
 the office so high, that he was elected chairman of the 
 Board \ the duties of which office he discharged satis- 
 factorily until nearly fourscore, when he declined the 
 chairmanship, but continued to act as guardian. 
 
 He had a strong and clear voice, with a distinct and 
 deliberate pronunciation, and was most explicit in 
 aiding his hearers to have a due understanding of the 
 subject of his sermons; but he probably had never
 
 Reminiscences of Clerical Life. 157- 
 
 heard of the late Baron Alderson's opinion of the 
 proper length of a setmon, which was " twenty minutes, 
 with a leaning to the side of mercy." But his church 
 was well attended. 
 
 The difficulty of concentrating the mind upon the 
 matter in hand, was in some measure exemplified in 
 Mr. Sherwen. It is told of him, that in leaving church 
 after service one Sunday, he called his servant, and 
 said it occurred to him, during the delivery of his 
 sermon, that a sheep they had missed some weeks 
 before, and searched for far and near, had been sold 
 in such a lot to the butcher, Johnny Go-faster.* On 
 another occasion, he performed a very useful bit of 
 service, by sending his man out of church to drive 
 some cows out of a corn-field, which he caught sight 
 of through a wdndow^ when in the pulpit. At another 
 time he spoke to his servant Peter, when in church 
 on a Sunday, and told him there were some pigs in 
 the churchyard which were not his, and said he might 
 go and drive them out. 
 
 From long experience and close observation of the 
 ways of mankind, Mr. Sherwen had formed an opinion, 
 and was not shy in declaring it, that w^e should only 
 believe half of what we see, and nothing of what we 
 hear ; forgetting, at the same time, that himself was 
 engaged in promulgating the doctrines of Christianity 
 with an earnestness, he hoped, that none who heard 
 him w'ould disbeUeve. 
 
 On one of his many essays to preach extempore, 
 having exhausted his stock in hand, he asked, " And 
 what shall I say next?" "Amen," said an audible 
 voice. 
 
 He married a second time, and was again left a 
 widower without issue. He died in September, 1870, 
 having completed his eightieth year. 
 
 *John Denwood.
 
 158 Cwnbriana. 
 
 Since the above was written, a clerical friend who 
 knew him well, has contributed the following : — 
 
 "To a strong, natural sagacity and quickness in 
 'discerning of spirits,' there was added a considerable 
 power of argument, the result of previous thought and 
 reading. The following anecdotes will illustrate these 
 several qualities of this complex order of mind : — 
 
 "A drainer whom he employed, from Pardshaw, 
 and who on Sundays was in the habit of attending the 
 Friends' Meeting House at that place, said to Mr. 
 Sherwen on Monday morning, ' I was thinking yester- 
 day in t' meeting that thou should hae the main drain 
 quite another way.' 'Oh, Jemmy,' was the quick re- 
 proof, ' is that what thou thinks about in t' meeting ? 
 There is another main iJibn^ for Sundays, and main 
 drains for Mondays. 
 
 "When Denwood, the butcher, came to Dean, it 
 was well understood that in driving a bargain with the 
 rector, it was a case of Greek meeting Greek. On 
 one occasion, after a hard contest, Johnny, on leaving 
 the house, made a parting shot at his clerical rival in 
 these words—' Weel, I find this, self niver sleeps but 
 wi' ya ee oppen.' ' Eh, Johnny,' was the rejoinder, 
 ' thou has nobbet learnt hofe thy lesson. Self never 
 goes to bed.' 
 
 " A friend, one Saturday evening, remarked to him 
 that the article in the Creed, ' The Holy Catholic 
 Church,' was much misunderstood, most people in the 
 country thinking it was a pure bit of Popery. Mr. 
 Sherwen made no reply, but next day, from the pulpit, 
 delivered a most admirable extempore sermon, divid- 
 ing it thus — ' The Church, its Constitution. Its dis- 
 tinction. Catholic. Its character, Holy.'" 
 
 It would be unjust to dismiss this sketch without 
 remarking that he was careful in small matters that he 
 might be liberal in large ; and his character in the
 
 Reminiscences of Clerical Life. 159 
 
 parish and neighbourhood was this, that he would go 
 any distance to visit the sick, to set out a drain, or to 
 knock out a bullock's wolf-tooth ! 
 
 Towards the end of his ministry, a nephew, the Rev. 
 William Sherwen, took most of the duty, whilst him- 
 self formed part of the congregation ; and occasion- 
 ally, during the delivery of an approved sermon by 
 his nephew, he has been heard to audibly call out, 
 " Hear, hear ! " 
 
 The Rev. JAMES MARSHALL was curate of Ireby 
 sixty-five years, commencing with a stipend of twenty- 
 five pounds per annum, which was at different times 
 augmented by small additions to fifty pounds, but late 
 in life for him. He had acquired some learning, and 
 was well respected. 
 
 The pressure of difficult times and an increasing 
 young family put him to sore straits for a decent 
 maintenance, although industrious and very careful. 
 In middle life he kept a couple of work-horses ; and, 
 occupying some of his glebe, performed most of the 
 farm labour with his own hands, assisted occasionally 
 by two daughters, whose skill and energy in cutting 
 corn with the toothed sickle, then the only reaping 
 machine, enabled him to contract for cutting the crops 
 on other farms. 
 
 For many years he practised carting coals from 
 Bolton Collieries to Keswick, filling the carts and 
 conducting them to market himself — resting the horses 
 when occasional duties required his presence. As his 
 daughters grew up, one of them sometimes went with 
 the horses when he was engaged. 
 
 This carting of so dirty a commodity must have 
 been very irksome to an educated man, whose profes-
 
 i6o Cumbriana. 
 
 sion would naturally lead him to anticipate a life of a 
 very different character. Whether he thought it 
 degrading or not, he manfully and unrepiningly 
 struggled with his lot ; and though obliged to wear 
 the plainest and coarsest habiliments, clogs, &c., when 
 at his labour, he maintained the respect of his 
 parishioners by his upright conduct and steady indus- 
 try, and by extraordinary perseverance in early rising, 
 working late, and strict economy, managed to educate 
 a son for the Church ; and the education he privately 
 gave his daughters on spare evenings, was beyond 
 what many young people received at that day. 
 
 Though a man of peaceful disposition, he could 
 rebuke an offender with stern dignity, and has been 
 known to take the law into his own hands when rudely 
 assailed by a disorderly parishioner, and to do it with 
 more effect than by a lecture from the pulpit. He was 
 once attacked by two cowardly fellows, and soon 
 felled both ! The first got up and ran away, calling 
 to his companion to " lig whyet, or he'll seun hev thee 
 down ageann." The advice was taken to the great 
 amusement of the parson. He did not excel as a 
 preacher ; and it was said, that through defective sight, 
 in a gloomy church and dark weather, he was some- 
 times so puzzled with a word that he was observed 
 to quietly spell before he found it safe to utter it. 
 
 One Sunday his clerk fell asleep during the ser- 
 mon, and happening to awake during one of these 
 pauses, called out, "Amen." Mr. Marshall was so 
 disconcerted that he stopped amid the titters of the 
 congregation ; and, on leaving church, said to his 
 clerk, "Richard, you cut me rather short this morn- 
 ing." " Ey," was the reply, " I thought you war 
 deun." 
 
 He died in January, 1842, at the patriarchal age of 
 ninety-one.
 
 Reminiscences of Clerical Life. i6i 
 
 The Rev. ABRAHAM BROWN.— Very common 
 among clergymen, as among most other classes of that 
 day, was the habit of living too freely ; and no excep- 
 tion was the Rev. Abraham Brown, of Egremont. This 
 might in some measure be mduced by the broad hos- 
 pitality of the time, when every one thought the parson's 
 visit an honour, and it was a duty to treat him with 
 the best. At the same time, if he happened to be 
 tithe owner, some would not scruple to mislead him in 
 rendering their dues. Few durst take such liberties 
 with Mr. Brown, or woe betide them ! I remember, 
 when a boy, seeing him in his advanced years ; his 
 broad shoulders and stalwart frame indicating great 
 strength of body. 
 
 Of his ability as a preacher I had no opportunity 
 of judging, but have heard many speak of his power 
 and indomitable spirit as an athlete, and of his boast 
 that none could throw him in the wrestling ring, and 
 only a Mr. Rum could throw him outside of it ; but 
 he did not like to admit having been once thrown by 
 Thomas Johnstone, of Workington. 
 
 He died early in 1822, at a ripe age. 
 
 The Rev. WILLIAM SEWELL, of Troutbeck.— In 
 evidence of the home-spun materials of which the 
 clerical character was formerly attempted to be made 
 and placed in country parishes, a few anecdotes of 
 that worthy and eccentric old man, the Rev. William 
 Sewell, may be quoted. He was a tall and bony man, 
 of great strength, and willing to put his strength to a 
 good purpose when opportunity offered ; and it is said 
 he did not decline to use it occasionally in effectually 
 settling disputes among his parishioners. 
 
 M
 
 i62 Ciinibriana. 
 
 He was owner of the highest situated house in 
 England, the inn at Kirkstone Pass, and of other 
 landed property in the romantic valley of Troutbeck. 
 He held one farm in hand, and kept a flock of moun- 
 tain sheep, and was no mean judge of that class of 
 stock. 
 
 One Sunday he had mounted the pulpit to preach 
 at Wythburn Chapel. The pulpit was in a dilajjidated 
 state, and leaned a little from the wall, leaving an 
 opening behind it. He had laid his sermon on the 
 ledge, and displaced it with his surpUce, when it fell 
 down the chink to where he could not reach it. The 
 pulpit was small and low, scarcely reaching to his 
 middle, and was neither convenient nor safe for a 
 tall man to turn in. After vainly trying to recover 
 the sermon, he resorted to an expedient recorded else- 
 where, and said to his congregation, " T' sarmont's 
 slipt down i' t' neuk, and I can't git it out ; but I'll 
 tell ye what — I'se read ye a chapter i' t' Eible 'at's 
 worth three on't." 
 
 On another occasion he was about to commence 
 divine service, when, leaning over the side of the read- 
 ing-desk, he whispered to his clerk, "Jwon, dud ta 
 see ought o' two black tips 'et I lost?" "I dudn't," 
 says John. " Wilta enquire ? " " Ey." And then to 
 work — "When the wicked man," &c. 
 
 Dining once at Dalehead Hall, as he often did 
 after morning service, he said to his hostess, Mrs. 
 Leathes, who used to encourage his plain speaking, 
 " How did ye like my sarmont to-day?" "Very well 
 indeed, Mr. Sewell." " It hes a reet to be a good 'un, 
 
 for it was yan o' Bishop 's, o' bit t' tail end ; " 
 
 and unmistakably the tail had not belonged to the 
 carcase. 
 
 The late Bishop Villiers used to relate that when 
 visiting the clergy of his diocese he went to Trout-
 
 Reminiscences of Clerical Life. 163 
 
 beck. It being about the end of October, the shep- 
 herds were busy salving their sheep. He approached 
 a sohtary salver at work, and enquired where he would 
 be likely to find the incumbent, the Rev. William 
 Sewell. The salver, recognizing the Bishop, and 
 knowing that any attempt to mislead him would be 
 dangerous, at once frankly said, " He is before you, 
 my lord ; I am he." The astonished prelate said he 
 might employ his time better among his parishioners. 
 The parson readily and honestly replied, " My lord, 
 when you find me better remuneration, I can probably 
 afford to lay aside assisting my neighbours ; and I 
 shall be very glad to give up salving sheep." 
 
 Mr. Sewell remained, greatly respected, in his in- 
 cumbency till near the end of his long sojourn here, 
 and died, July 31, 1869, aged ninety-eight years.
 
 164 Cumbriana. 
 
 CLERICAL ANECDOTES. 
 
 COMPLIMENTARY. 
 
 Once when a neighbouring clergyman took a Sunday 
 service at Matterdale Church, an aged parishioner 
 drew up to pay him a compUment on leaving the 
 
 church, and said, " Wey, Mr. , they said ye war 
 
 yan o' t' warst priests et iver waww't, bit what ye'r a 
 fine deeal better ner nin." 
 
 A POINTED QUESTION. 
 
 In December, 1863, a young clergyman on the eve of 
 marriage, wishing to be economical, wrote to the 
 Bishop of Carhsle to say he had published his own 
 banns, and to inquire if he could marry himself. 
 Without referring to ecclesiastical law, his Lordship 
 at once replied, "Could you bury yourself?" 
 
 WILL RITSON. 
 
 When the Rev. Dr. Ainger and two other clergymen 
 were on the top of Scawfell, with the eccentric Will 
 Ritson as their guide, and were indulging in hearty 
 merriment, the Dr. asked Will Avhat he thought of 
 their doings. Will quickly replied he thought they
 
 Cler tea I A nccdotcs. 1 6 5 
 
 were nearer to heaven than they ever had been, and 
 may be nearer than they ever would be again. 
 
 ON FOOT OR ON HORSEBACK? 
 
 In a whisper loud enough to rebuke the offender, the 
 clergyman of Eskdale, who was near-sighted, hearing 
 some one walking noisily up the aisle during divine 
 service, stooping toward his clerk, said, 
 '• Whaa's tat ? " 
 Clerk — " It's aad Sharp o' Laa Birker." 
 Priest — "Afooat or o' horseback?" 
 Clerk — "Nay, nobbet afooat, wi' cokert shun." 
 
 CUT AND COME AGAIN. 
 
 When Thomas Newby removed from Bracelet, near 
 Broughton-in-Furness, to Muncaster Head Farm, the 
 curate of Eskdale, the Rev. Robert Powley (not the 
 near-sighted curate), met him on his way ; and, after 
 a little chat, Mr. Powley, in his homely way, said, 
 " Tom, I'se caa to see thee some day." Tom, know- 
 ing the convivial habits of the parson, answered in his 
 rough way — " Thaww need du nawwt o' t' sooart, I 
 want nawwt wi' tha." The parson was as ready with 
 a caustic reply as Tom, and immediately said, " Wey 
 awivver I'se come to t' seall," implying that Tom 
 would be sold up ere long. But Tom and his son 
 have thriven on the farm for thirty years or more, and 
 are likely to continue thriving and well respected.
 
 1 66 Cmnbriaiia. 
 
 NOT BAD— FOR A FARMER. 
 
 St. Bees Grammar School has frequently sent forth 
 bright scholars ; and a few farmers have, from time to 
 time, received a fair classical education there, one of 
 
 whom is Mr. C , of that village. 
 
 One day Dr. Ainger, Principal of the College, the 
 Rev. Mr. Heslop, head master of the Grammar School, 
 
 and Mr. C , happened to meet, vi^hen Mr. Heslop 
 
 said in a jest, " I wish you would take my class to-day, 
 Mr. C , for I have a bad headache." The imme- 
 diate reply was, " I doubt my classics will be getting 
 rusty for your class, Mr. Heslop, but if the Doctor 
 will take your class, I think I can manage his." 
 Mem. — No bargain made. 
 
 WELL PUT. 
 
 The clergy of St. Bees have usually a good amount of 
 Charity Money, arising from different sources, to dis- 
 tribute every Christmas, and they sometimes have a 
 difficulty in finding a needy recipient, for the village 
 is and has been long remarkable for the absence of 
 poor people. On the Principal of the College asking 
 his churchwarden if he knew any deserving poor, he 
 was naively told that the most destitute family in the 
 village was that of a student at the College ! 
 
 CHARITABLE ON BOTH SIDES. 
 
 Dr. Ainger offered an old woman, whom he thought 
 poor, five shillings from Miss Shepherd's alms fund.
 
 Clerical Anecdotes. 167 
 
 The charitable woman turned seriously towards him 
 and said, " Nay, nay, Doctor, keep 't yer sel. You've 
 a girt family, and you doant know what you may stand 
 need on befwore you dee." 
 
 TRUE, NO DOUBT. 
 
 The late Provost Fox used to tell a story of a man 
 asking a clergyman what he would charge for preach- 
 ing a funeral sermon. The reply was, " My regular 
 charge is thirty sliillings. I could preach one for a 
 pound, but it would not be worth listening to." 
 
 TARRY WOO, &c. 
 
 "A co.vGREGATioN of smells, like AVasdale Head 
 Chapel in sheep salving time," was one of Provost 
 Fox's quaint sayings. 
 
 THE WAY TO SPREAD NEWS. 
 
 Over a social glass at Bolton Low Houses, among a 
 few neighbours, one of the company remarked that 
 should the rector drop off, the then curate would stand 
 a good chance of becoming rector of Bolton. " Nut 
 varra likely," says one of the party, " dud ta hear what 
 he's been deein ? " " Wey, what lies he been deein ?" 
 says another. " Wey, he's been committan adultery." 
 " How does ta know that ? " *' Wey, o 'at I know
 
 1 68 Cimibi'iana. 
 
 about it is he was seen cuttin' nettles of a Sunday, and 
 if thou dizent co' that adultery I divent know what 
 it is?" 
 
 A POSER. 
 
 At a School examination of boys, at Wigton, after a 
 long course of questions, the Rev. and self-confident 
 examiner said, " Now, my boys, I have teased you a 
 long while and you have answered me well. Will any 
 of you ask me a question, and I'll try to answer you ? " 
 After a short interval of silence a boy held up his 
 hand. "Well, my boy, what have you to ask?" 
 " Please, sir, who was it in the reign of King David 
 that went down and slew a lion among the snow ? " — 
 No answer ; and the meeting broke up amid cheers 
 and laughter. T) ' ^ i f/ v/- , >* 
 
 SWEEPING DOCTRINE. 
 
 A NEW curate at one of the Whitehaven churches 
 preached a high-flown sermon, consigning all but him- 
 self, and a few who thought as he did, to eternal per- 
 dition. The incumbent, the Rev. Dr. Huddleston, 
 heard the sermon, and, waiting for the young man in 
 the vestry-room addressed him with — " I don't know, 
 
 Mr. , about this sweeping doctrine of yours. I 
 
 should not like all my pious ancestors who have 
 not had the benefit of your teaching to be burning in 
 hell." From that time the sermons were considerably 
 modified.
 
 Clerical Anecdotes. 169 
 
 A MISTAKE RECTIFIED. 
 
 A yeoman's son who thought himself more likely to 
 make a good clergyman than a good farmer accord- 
 ingly studied for the Church, and in due time was 
 appointed to the curacy of Buttermere. Like many 
 beginners, he was rather confused on his first Sunday, 
 and began some part of the service out of its turn. 
 On his clerk looking up and reminding him of his 
 error, he said, "Stop, John, let us begin afresh." On 
 leaving, he said, he could not think how he had man- 
 aged to get through the service, but he would take 
 good care not to commit another mistake in the 
 church. And he never did, for that was his first and 
 last attempt. 
 
 FOUNDERED IN A SAWPIT. 
 
 The late Rev. Dr. Huddleston, of Whitehaven, was 
 sometimes made the subject of a sprightly brother 
 clergyman's wit. One day as they and others sat in 
 the public library, the Dr. was provoked beyond 
 endurance by some impertinent remarks, and in an 
 emphatic manner said, " Well, well. 'Nemo morta- 
 lium omnibus horis sapit.' " * An allusion to a savvpit 
 near the town that was well understood, and which 
 protected him for the future from his neighbour's wit. 
 
 NOT WANTED. 
 
 In a country parish, on a stormy Sunday, the singers 
 did not muster, and the parson leaned over the pulpit 
 
 * No man is wise at all hours.
 
 1 70 Ciimbriana. 
 
 and whispered to his clerk — "John, can we raise a 
 psalm to-day?" John audibly replied, " Hegh ! can 
 we raise the divel ? " Such was the familiarity'allowed 
 in times gone by. 
 
 VERY SIGNIFICANT. 
 
 A TENANT of a Cumberland clergyman went to pay 
 his rent at the dinner hour, and was desired to wait. 
 A young daughter of the parson begged the tenant 
 might be allowed to come in — he was such a funny 
 man. He came in, and, being directed to sit near 
 the fire, was asked a number of questions about his 
 farm. One of these was, " How was the sow getting 
 on ? " " O, she's pig't a barrowful, and yan mair nor 
 she hes paps for." " And how does the odd one do 
 while the rest are sucking ? " " It sits and looks on 
 as I do." 
 
 A TOO COMMON LOT. 
 
 An aged Cumbrian clergyman, subsisting on a very 
 small stipend, was comparing the hard system of living 
 in his younger days with the way his brethren lived 
 now, and said, that for many years he was summoned 
 to breakfast by his hostess saying, " Priest, come to 
 your poddish." To dinner, by " Priest, come to your 
 taties (or taties and point)." And to supper, by 
 " Priest, come to your poddish." His later years were 
 softened by a small increase of stipend ; but with all 
 his care he never knew what it was to rejoice in 
 plenty.
 
 Clerical Anecdotes. 171 
 
 CHOICE OF TRADES. 
 
 Peggy Gordon, the tinker's wife of Skelsceugh, was 
 asked by the Rev. Joseph FuUerton what line of life 
 was intended for her son Bob. "You see, Sir," says 
 she, " if he turns out a gay sharp lad, we'll keep him 
 in our oan trade ; but if he's nobbet a dulbert, our 
 oald Tom says we'll hev him meadd a priest on." 
 
 The parson was highly amused with his parishioner's 
 reply, and spoke of it frequently. 
 
 A READING RACE. 
 
 Thk Rev. Mr. Kirkbride, of the parish of Hesket, 
 found occasion to have a substitute during a Sunday's 
 absence, and was anxious on his return to know how 
 the duty had been performed. Mr. Kirkbride prided 
 himself on his quick reading, and did not like to be 
 outdone in it bv any one. On the dav of his return 
 he called on a neighbour and inquired how he liked 
 the new parson. "Oh!" says John, "he's t' best I 
 iver hear'd in my life. I niver hear'd a man read so 
 fast." Mr. Kirkbride did not relish this at all ; and, 
 in his excitement, he burst into his native dialect, and 
 said, " I tell ye what, John, he mebby may beat me 
 at t' Lessons, but I'll run him at t' Creed for anything 
 he likes, and I'll give him to Pontius Pilate fore-start." 
 
 A GREAT SURPRISE. 
 
 Irreverent, as it undoubtedly was, it is M-ell known 
 that propriety of speech was too little observed by 
 some few of the clergy of generations gone by.
 
 172 Cumbriana. 
 
 The late Rev. Mr. Gaskin had a well-known and 
 peculiar knack of exclaiming, " The devil ! " on any 
 sudden occasion. The then Bishop of Carlisle happen- 
 ing to meet him, bade him good morning, and the curate 
 coldly returned the salute, not knowing whom he 
 had met. The Bishop, thinking he was not duly 
 honoured, or perhaps not recognized, said, " I think 
 you do not know me, Mr. Gaskin. I am the Bishop." 
 Greatly astonished, he broke out with — " The Bishop ! 
 The devil!" 
 
 WARSE NER O' TUDDER. 
 
 An ecclesiastical official went to Bowness-on-Eden, to 
 make inquiries respecting the alleged misconduct of the 
 clergyman. Making his business known to the parish 
 clerk, that loquacious individual anticipated inquiry 
 by stating that the parson was, "A bad man. Sir! A 
 bad man ! " " How do you make that out ? " " Wey, 
 Sir, he meade a sekll, Sir, an' he selt t' communion 
 table. Sir." " Indeed." " Ey, an' I can tell ye mair, 
 Sir, for the varra teable's now in yon public-house 
 parlour. Sir, an' I've drank off't many a teyme sin- 
 seyne, Sir." " And have you anything more ? " " Ey, 
 amess hev I, Sir. Warse ner o' tudder. Sir. He eb'n 
 went an' selt t' communion claith, when it perlang't 
 to John Hodgson, o' Skinbernees, Sir." " How did 
 you know whom it belonged to?" "It was mark't i' 
 ya corner wid J. H. S., and whea else could it perlang 
 te?" 
 
 The rest of the inquiry had to be got from a more 
 reliable source ; for it transpired that the parson had 
 lent a table of his own to supply the want in the 
 church. The signification of the initial letters J.H.S. 
 are well known in church matters.
 
 Clerical Anecdotes. ly^ 
 
 SWARMELLING. 
 
 The Rev. Mr. Murphy wishing to cross Bootle beck 
 in a flood, inquired of a ten-year-old boy for a cross- 
 ing place. The boy took him to a pole hung across 
 the stream ; and, on the reverend gentleman not 
 approving of such an unsteady bridge, the boy said, 
 " Wy, my fadder swarmelt it, and I swarmelt it, and 
 caant thaww swarmel't tu ? " To swarmel is to scramble 
 or creep over, perhaps, astride of the pole. 
 
 A COMPLIMENT. 
 
 The Rev. Henry R occasionally preached at 
 
 Whitehaven, when visiting his friends there. 
 
 At a small evening party a lady wished to pay a 
 compliment to his preaching ability, but was much 
 puzzled to concoct a suitable one. At last she ex- 
 pressed the great delight with which she heard him 
 the other morning; for he was "the most soothing 
 preacher she ever heard 1 " It has been said by 
 others that he was one of the quietest of preachers, 
 therefore the compliment was appropriate. 
 
 OURSELVES FIRST. 
 
 When Bishop Waldegrave was driving over on a 
 Sunday morning to preach at Hesket, he overtook 
 Farmer John Rodgers on foot, and stopped his car- 
 riage to desire the man to go to a house not far off to 
 tell the Sebergham sexton he intended to preach there 
 in the afternoon. The man thought the Bishop's
 
 1 74 Cuinbriana. 
 
 horses were able to take their master on his own 
 errand, and said, " Nay, I can gang nin ; I'se gangan 
 o' t' way to Caldbeck till a funeral." In feigned sur- 
 prise, the Bishop asked if they buried their dead on 
 the Sunday ? " Ey," says the man, " we bury them 
 efler they dee, be 't Sunday or warday." 
 
 THOUGHTS No. i AND No. 2. 
 
 A NEWSPAPER tells US that an Edinburgh clergyman of 
 rare and quaint genius, stood gazing earnestly at the 
 mail driven at a thundering pace over the CarUsle 
 bridges. " What are you thinking of?" said a reverend 
 brother. " I'm thinking tliat next to preaching the 
 everlasting Gospel, I would like to drive the mail." 
 
 WHAT AN ANSWER! 
 
 In the newspapers of 1866, it is recorded that, in 
 examining a school of boys. Bishop Waldegrave asked 
 one of them if he had read the Thirty-nine Articles? 
 "No," said the boy, "but I have read the Forty 
 Thieves." 
 
 vp:ry ungallant. 
 
 After his marriage in the morning at Workington, the 
 curate of Moresby was called to officiate at his own 
 church. Having performed his clerical duties there, 
 he quietly retired, as usual, to his lodgings at Moresby,
 
 Clerical Anecdotes. 175 
 
 in utter forgetfulness of his bride, until reminded by 
 his landlady that he was now a husband. 
 
 A SHIFTY CLERK. 
 
 A HANDBOOK of the lakes says, the clergyman of Wyth- 
 burn relates that one Sunday morning, when he came 
 to the chapel, the clerk was quietly sitting astride of 
 the roof-ridge. On asking his business there, Joe said, 
 "O Sir, Jemmv Hawkrigg brak yan o' his car-reapps 
 tudder day i' t' hayfield, and they gat t' bell reapp an's 
 forgitten to bring 't back ageann, seah I've been fworst 
 to git up on t' riggin, and ring wi' my hands ; and I 
 thought it was neah use coniin' down ageann between 
 times, and I'se stoppan to give t' third round and than 
 I'se be wi' ye." 
 
 FAIRPLAY IS A JEWEL. 
 
 It is said of a parson of old times, when the plunder 
 of a wrecked vessel was a matter of interest to a 
 neighbourhood, that one stormy Sunday he ordered the 
 western door of St. Bridget's Church, at Beckermont, 
 to remain open during service, so that he might see 
 when a vessel, seen in distress off the coast, was driven 
 on shore. His congregation were, perhaps, as keenly 
 intent on the same object, as on his ministrations ; and 
 though all might see the ship strike the ground, they 
 had the advantage of ready egress by the door, whilst 
 he was aloft and encumbered with his surplice. When 
 his parishioners began to rush out in a body, as the 
 ship struck, he imploringly called out, " Nay, nay, lads, 
 let us all have fairplay, however."
 
 iy6 Cinnbriana. 
 
 THE TWO SHEPHERDS. 
 
 During sultry summer weather, the mountain sheep 
 are very subject to be blown by the maggot fly, and 
 they require to be closely looked after, to prevent 
 losses in the flocks. One Sunday a Martindale shep- 
 herd was returning from his duties on the fell, when 
 he encountered the parson going home from church 
 service. 
 
 Parson — "Well, John, I suppose you have been 
 attending \.o your flock, as T have been to mine." 
 
 John — " Ey, aa hev. And hed you any in't whicks ? " 
 
 THE PRIEST AND THE POSTMAN. 
 
 An eccentric Buttermere curate of a former day was 
 on his way to church one Sunday, when he espied 
 the village postman clipping a pony and remonstrated 
 with him, as in duty bound, for doing so improper an 
 act on a Sunday, especially when divine service was 
 about to begin. The man pleaded want of time, say- 
 ing, "It was a lang day's ride to t'heed offish at 
 Cockermouth and back ; and when I's in't town for 
 an hour, I's so thrang liveran out parshels, and laytan 
 in freshans, that I fairly hev nea time else." " But," 
 says the parson, "you are not doing the thing well 
 either, lend me the scissors and I'll show you how to 
 clip your pony." The parson took in hand, and was 
 so much occupied with his cleverness in clipping, that 
 he did not observe the man had slipped away from 
 the other side, and on looking up was astonished to 
 see his congregation approaching in a body. 
 
 The wag of a postman had run to the chapel and
 
 Clerical Anecdotes. 177 
 
 announced that " theer '11 be nea sarvice to-day. T' 
 l)riest's thrang clippin' my powny." 
 
 PHILOSOPHICAL. 
 
 The Rev. E. Stanley engaged a raw hand for a man 
 servant. When the man was bringing the roast-beei 
 into the dining-room, his foot caught the door-mat. 
 Down went the man, and the beef rolled forward into 
 the room. Instead of being angry with the man, Mr. 
 Stanley coolly exclaimed, "See, the beef has come, 
 and the man will doubtless follow." 
 
 THROWING THE FIRST STONE. 
 
 In a small country parish some of the principal parish- 
 ioners met together to consider the propriety of laying 
 before the Bishop a rumour, real or unfounded, ol 
 some irregularities on the part of their pastor. After 
 much discussion, an elderly man, and rather a wet 
 one, remarked, " Wey, what it's nobbet what yan's 
 done yans-sel, mebby, many a time." The effect of 
 this was silently to melt away the meeting, and with 
 it disappeared the scandal. 
 
 A GREEN BAY HORSE. 
 
 Some irreverent young men, wishing to puzzle the 
 parish clerk during service, cut out the word hotse 
 from a printed document, and pasted it over the word 
 
 N
 
 1/8 Cinnbriana. 
 
 tree in the clerk's book. When his turn came to read 
 the verse, he read in his sing-song tone, " He shall 
 flourish like the green-bay horse.'' " Horse ! " says 
 he, brushing over the page with his hand — -" Horse ! " 
 (lower) " Ey, d — n, it is horse " — and read on. 
 
 LATING A PRIEST. 
 
 A CLERGYMAN, being ill, sent his servant to ask another 
 of the cloth to take his duty. The man being asked 
 by an acquaintance where he was going to, replied; 
 " Theer a man gitten to be berried to-mworn, and I 
 hev ower to Sannath (Sandwith) to gang to lait a 
 priest." 
 
 THE PRINCIPAL PART. 
 
 In the days of " Whittle-geatts " it was no uncommon 
 thing for the parson to spend a portion of his evenings 
 at the ale house with some of his flock, and the custom 
 was not held to bring discredit on the cloth. 
 
 On one occasion a worthy rector, having exceeded 
 his usual moderate libations, was "stiddy't" home by 
 one of his neighbours, with whom the following dia- 
 logue took place : — 
 
 Parson—" John ?" 
 
 John—" Yes, Sir." 
 
 Parson — " You are a very decent man, John — a 
 very decent man. But, John, I am afraid you don't 
 come to church so often as you should do, John." 
 
 John — " Ey, what than! I pay tithes, and church 
 rates, and Easter dues, and o' thur mak o' things 
 reglar." 
 
 J
 
 Clerical Anecdotes. 179 
 
 Parson (sententiously) — " Aye, aye, John, so you 
 do, so you do. And after all, that is the prhicipal part 
 of the business, John." 
 
 A PARALLEL. 
 
 Many years ago a sexton of St. Bees Church, who had 
 been very intemperate, was left a comfortable fortune. 
 The then Principal of the College, very considerately, 
 undertook to advise him to forsake his bad practices, 
 especially his propensity to drink, and not to be seen 
 tipsy in the street as he often had been. " Ey, doctor," 
 says he, " I'll make ye suer I'll be a better man now 
 when I've got summat to work on. When I want a 
 good drink I'll git some into t' hoose, and drink't 
 theer as you dea." 
 
 THE PITCH PIPE. 
 
 In one of our rural parish churches a new pitch pipe 
 had been provided. The clerk had not practised on 
 it before going into his desk on Sunday. 
 
 When the time arrived for giving the key-note the 
 instrument could not be drawn out. The clerk tugged 
 at it — thrust it in — tried to pull it out — gave it another 
 thump or two — grinned and pulled again, but move it 
 would not. The parson grew impatient, leaned over 
 the side and whispered, " Stop, Jonathan," and aloud, 
 " Let us pray." " Pray ! the hangment ! we'll pray 
 nintill I git this thing to wark."
 
 1 80 Cumbriana. 
 
 HARDLY AN AVERAGE. 
 
 Not long after the Rev. C got into pecun- 
 iary difificulties a Ravenglass butcher had killed and 
 was dressing the carcase of a pig, and among some 
 casual onlookers was another Reverend of rather wet 
 proclivities, who remarked that the pig was a nice 
 one. The butcher turned aside to whet his knife and 
 was heard to say, " Hardly an average like a deal o' 
 you parson fellows." This was duly understood by 
 the party. 
 
 VERY HIGH CHURCH. 
 
 Before the distinctions of high and low church were 
 much discussed or even known among the rural clergy, 
 a minister from further east called on his acquaintance 
 the late Rev. Toppin, of Irthington, and was in- 
 vited to partake of the mid-day meal. Both were of 
 homely type, and after chatting awhile, the man from 
 the east said in his vernacular, " Aa'ni vahha hee 
 choatch."' Mr. T. not hearing well and not at all 
 comprehending the purport of the remark, put his 
 open palm behind his ear, and asked, " What is it ?" 
 "Aa'm vahha hee choatch." "Hay? what is it?" 
 (Wonder.) " Aa'm vahha hee choatch." " Ey, very 
 well. Sup up yer broth." 
 
 HITTING UNDER COVER. 
 
 Many years ago a late clerical chief magistrate, of ■ 
 Whitehaven, used to say that if ever he sold another
 
 Clerical Anecdotes. i8i 
 
 horse it should be on condition that the buyer was to 
 take it out of the county. " For," said he, " I was 
 once walking up towards Hensingham, and on meet- 
 ing a string of iron ore carts, one of the drivers called 
 out, 'Wo, Jenkins, wo, ye oald feull;' and on going 
 towards him he again cried out loudly, ' Jee, Jenkins, 
 
 jee, ye d d oald feull.' On going to him and 
 
 asking why he used my name in that way, he said, ' I 
 was nut speakin' to you. I was shoutin' to this oald 
 horse.'" 
 
 A FAMILIAR BOOK. 
 
 A CLERGYMAN was preaching in the quaint old church 
 of Bolton from Genesis xxviii. 20, 21, and remarked 
 that his hearers would all recollect the words of his text, 
 or at least ought to do. To him they were as familiar 
 as the book of his youth — J ack the Giant Killer. 
 
 THE MOON INHABITED. 
 
 The late Rev. E. Salkeld had a lively sense of the 
 humorous. Going along the main street at Aspatria 
 on a visit to a sick parishioner with a friend, in passing 
 the Half Moon Inn he heard several voices and much 
 laughter in the house. " Well," said he, " I have 
 heard many people wondering if the moon is inhabited, 
 and now I am convinced that it is."
 
 1 82 Cwnbriajia. 
 
 LOCAL NATURAL HISTORY. 
 
 In narrating the following unpublished fragments per- 
 taining to Local Natural History, &'c., it is not as- 
 sumed that even a tithe of the facts and incidents 
 relating to this subject of the present and by-gone 
 generation has been collected ; but only such as I 
 had some personal connection with, or had received 
 from the principals concerned, or from some well- 
 authenticated source. 
 
 It is hoped this effort may stimulate others to hunt 
 up and collect such facts as opportunity may throw in 
 their way, and thus preserve many interesting relics 
 of the natural history of the county, which are now in 
 danger of being for ever lost. Hundreds of local 
 instances might be collected of the faithfulness and 
 sagacity of the dog ; the intelligence of the horse ; 
 the wiliness and shifts of the fox ; and of the extra- 
 ordinary actions of other animals. And it is not easy 
 to hnagine that any boy grown into a man could be 
 indifferent to these ; for all have a spice of enjoyment 
 in the adventures of some or other kind of animals 
 and of birds. 
 
 THE SLAUGHTER OF THE MILLOM PARK 
 
 DEER. 
 
 About the end of the eighteenth century, the then 
 Earl of Lonsdale, or some one for him, estimated the
 
 Local Natitral History. 183 
 
 profit and loss of keeping and preserving the fallow 
 deer, which in a great measure stocked Millom Park. 
 The surrounding wall was scarce high enough to pre- 
 vent their escape, if so inclined ; but being little dis- 
 turbed and well cared for, they enjoyed their beautiful, 
 undulating home in quiet retirement. Occasionally 
 an adventurous one would break bounds in an even- 
 ing, and, finding more agreeable pasturage outside, 
 would return to the herd towards morning, to repeat 
 his depredations in the same way, -when it suited his 
 pleasure. This began to occur oftener than the neigh- 
 bouring farmers and landowners found acceptable, 
 and complaints were made. In time the strong deer 
 seemed to mock at the attempts made to confine them 
 within the park ; and to prevent their ravages by 
 hounding them homewards with dogs was only play 
 to them ; for some grew so bold, if unobserved, as to 
 make their lairs for the day in the corn-fields where 
 they fed in the night time, if the corn was tall enough 
 to shield them from sight. They were too cunning to 
 leave the park beyond an easy run in; and none were 
 suffered to hunt the outlying deer. If the hounds 
 were stealthily laid on the scent or view, the animal 
 made a short run, and a vigorous leap landed him at 
 home where the hounds were not allowed to follow. 
 Or if they did chase within the forbidden limits, the 
 disturbance they caused among the herd was so great, 
 that the hunters were glad to get their dogs beat off 
 as soon as they could, to avoid being prosecuted. 
 
 When a hard winter occurred, the animals required 
 an allowance of hay for their sustenance. If this was 
 omitted, considerable loss was sustained in some 
 seasons ; a further reason for this provision was, that if 
 the deer were obliged to bite near the ground towards 
 spring, when the May stinting time for cattle arrived, 
 it was found that they kept the pasture so bare that
 
 1 84 CtLinbriana. 
 
 both cattle and deer were pinched, and no profit 
 could be derived from either. In every way the herd 
 must have been an unprofitable stock ; for scarcely 
 ever could as many be drafted and sold as would pay 
 the two keepers, besides the cost of the hay. His 
 lordship having other deer parks better worth main- 
 taining, and this park, being at a distance from any of 
 his residences, seldom seen by him or any of his 
 family, was not important enough to be supported at 
 a considerable annual loss, when the ancient and 
 lordly towers of Miliom Castle (where jurisdiction of 
 life and death used formerly to be exercised*) had 
 gone far to decay ; and it was decided that the aristo- 
 cratic adjunct of a deer preserve should be disparked 
 and turned to a more profitable account. 
 
 The herd numbered about one hundred or a little 
 over, and, when the order came for their destruction, 
 a sale was effected with a speculator from Darlington, 
 at a pound per head. 
 
 It was first attempted to take the deer with nets ; 
 and the neighbours were invited, with their dogs, to 
 drive them into the nets and witness the sport. In 
 high glee they mustered from all the neighbouring 
 vales in great force, well provided with ropes and 
 cords to bind the captured ; and they succeeded, after 
 many efforts, in driving the frightened animals within 
 the ring of nets where the poor prisoners were to be 
 caught, and secured in any way that could be invented ; 
 and great sport was anticipated. The nets were too 
 high for the deer to leap over, and were being gradu- 
 ally drawn closer while the pretty things were admired 
 as they paced about to find an opening. Finding 
 none, one of the patriarchs of the herd made a rush 
 
 * A stone pillar stands on an elevated bank, where the criminals were said 
 to be executed by hanging. It is less than half a mile from the Miliom 
 Station, to the east, and about a score yards north of the line, and may easily 
 be seen from the passing train.
 
 Local Natural History. 1S5 
 
 at the net, and, like an arrow from a bow, darted 
 through it, and in spite of the efforts of the hunters in 
 shouting and waving their hats and coats, and the 
 furious barking of the dogs, the whole herd shot 
 through the opening in a few seconds, trampling many 
 a good sheep dog under their feet, and bounding 
 away to the high grounds of the park in seemingly 
 utter astonishment, without a single head being secured. 
 
 To make the matter worse, several men and boys, 
 in their endeavours to prevent escape, got toppled 
 over in rather a rough manner ; and some were 
 injured by the horns and hoofs of the frightened 
 animals rushing through the crowd and bearing all 
 before them, to the great amusement of those who 
 were out of harm's way. 
 
 Some of the shepherds, whose valuable dogs were 
 hurt, declared their dogs were worth more than all the 
 deer in the park; and, though they could enjoy the 
 sport, if they came again to assist, it should be with- 
 out their dogs, which had been so serviceable on this 
 occasion. 
 
 Being often shot at, and some wounded without 
 being killed, the poor animals grew wild, and so ex- 
 ceedingly cautious and watchful, that it was very diffi- 
 cult for any one to get within killing range of them ; 
 and people began to tire of the sport which was now 
 becoming laborious and so fruitless. Then, snares 
 were laid in the tracks, with a view to entangle the 
 feet, and others were hung from the branches of trees, 
 under which the deer were attempted to be driven, in 
 expectation of the horns being lassoed; but not a 
 single animal was caught in either way. By swerv- 
 ing, or by stotting movement, the ground snares were 
 passed by or over ; and the pendant ones were either 
 broken off or cleverly avoided ; and these methods 
 were soon abandoned.
 
 1 86 Cttmbriana. 
 
 What other means were attempted has not been 
 recorded, but the gun was held to be the only chance 
 of success ; and five of the neighbouring yeomen, 
 noted marksmen — "good men and true" — persevered 
 in their self-appointed task till only two remained of 
 the herd. These were long watched until one was 
 brought down, but the other was too wily to allow of 
 being shot. 
 
 At last the hounds were collected, and he was 
 hunted and broke bounds, and afforded a few capital 
 runs before the last of the herd was finally torn down. 
 
 And so ended the race of the " harts and hinds, 
 wild boars and their kinds, and all aviaries of hawks," 
 reserved by De Boyville * in the reign of Henry the 
 First, when he gave all the parishes between Esk and 
 Duddon to the abbey of St. Mary, at York. 
 
 WILD DEER OF ENNERDALE FOREST. 
 
 In 1 84 1, the late Mr. John Wilson, of Kirklandhow, 
 told me that when the wild deer inhabited the forest 
 of Ennerdale, their depredations almost ruined the 
 occupiers of the two small farms of Gillerthwaite, at 
 the head of Ennerdale Water. J3uring harvest, the 
 animals were accustomed to come down from the 
 mountains in the night time, and leap into the com 
 fields to eat what they could ; and, on retiring, each 
 of the old deer would take a sheaf of corn in its teeth 
 and run. off with it to the mountains to eat at leisure; 
 and would, in this stealthy way, take nearly the whole 
 crop in two or three nights. 
 
 The inhabitants used to place a watchman, with 
 dogs, to drive away the deer, and made use of other 
 
 * Lord of Millom. 
 
 {
 
 Local Natural History. 187 
 
 devices to frighten them ; but the wily animals came 
 so silently that they were seldom discovered in the 
 dark, until each old deer was hastening aw^ay with a 
 sheaf in the teeth ; and, when the dogs were let loose 
 upon them, it was mere play for the deer to outstrip 
 the dogs, and carry off their plunder to devour in 
 safety in the rocky fastnesses, where neither dog nor 
 man could safely pursue. 
 
 Finding their property taken away year after year, 
 other methods were devised for protection ; the inhabi- 
 tants collected a number of old scythes and pitchforks, 
 and fixed them in the gaps and open places of the 
 fences, with the points and edges inwards to the fields ; 
 for the deer, in approaching, came leisurely on, but in 
 retreating at full speed, with the dogs at their heels, 
 rushed incautiously on the scythes and forks, and were 
 impaled alive or otherwise cut or disabled, till the 
 greater part was destroyed, and the inhabitants could 
 again enjoy their crops in safety. 
 
 THE WILD CAT. 
 
 In 1843, the late Mr. John Walker, of Ullock, told 
 me that about fifty years before, Joseph Pearson, of 
 Ullock, with the aid of his mastiff, killed a wild cat in 
 Watern Woods, Loweswater, after a long chase and 
 severe fight. The cat weighed seventeen pounds. 
 
 These animals had been numerous in most of the 
 wooded and rocky parts of the county, and had been 
 very destructive to poultry and game, and occasionally 
 to young lambs. From their great activity and ferocity 
 they were more than a match for any but a very strong 
 dog, single handed. Pearson and his dog killed 
 many.
 
 1 88 Qnnbriana. 
 
 THE EAGLE IN BORROWDALE. 
 
 About the year 1820, I heard the late Mr, John 
 Braithwaite of Millgillhead, relate his encounter with 
 an eagle. In his youth he was shepherd for his father, 
 in Borrowdale; and in returning from the fell one 
 misty afternoon, he heard his dog suddenly cry out as 
 if in extreme distress. He ran in the direction of the 
 sound, and at the foot of a steep crag he found his 
 dog in misery indeed ! A large eagle had fastened its 
 beak on the dog's throat, a little below one ear, and 
 one of the eagle's talons was firmly clutched in the 
 dog's flank. The dog was howling at the top of its 
 voice, and snapping at the bird as well as he could, 
 but seldom getting a hold except at the edge of the 
 wing; and the grip of the bird was so painful that 
 the dog soon let go his hold. The eagle held on like 
 a bull-dog, and the pair rolled one over the other, and 
 leaped and flapped and bit and scratched so furiously, 
 that, while their strength held out, it was dangerous 
 to part them. The shepherd saw the danger his fa- 
 vourite dog was in, and was not slow to pull off his 
 long-lapped, home-made, grey duffle coat ; and throw- 
 ing it over the two, they enveloped themselves in its 
 thick folds, until the dog grew weak, and began to 
 falter in its cry. Its master watched his opportunity 
 to tie a handkerchief round the bird's wings and pinion 
 them over its back; and then, with his fell-pole, to 
 wrench off the hold of the eagle, and slip his coat 
 again over it, and to roll it therein, so as it could not 
 harm him. He bore his prize home under one arm, 
 and his disabled dog under the other, and kept the 
 noble bird in confinement many years. His dog re- 
 covered with difficulty, and would doubtless have been 
 killed, had he not arrived in time for the rescue. He
 
 Local Natural History. 189 
 
 said, in the days he mentioned, eagles were not scarce 
 in the higher mountains ; and were very destructive 
 to the sheep and lambs, as the bird in question had 
 either driven a sheep over the crag, as they were 
 known to do, and the fall had crushed it ; or had slain 
 and was feasting on it Avhen the dog was attracted to 
 it, and had quarrelled with the eagle for possession of 
 the carcase. 
 
 THE EAGLE ROPE. 
 
 In 1846, the late Mr. Ralph Douglas, of Keswick, 
 said he went to live at Thornthwaite, in 1783, at fif- 
 teen years of age. He remembers seeing eagles 
 frequently, and almost daily in the spring, sailing 
 majestically overhead, and occasionally swooping 
 down to the ground, as if seizing prey, and then 
 flying off with it towards Borrowdale, where they 
 usually had nests. At that time a long and strong 
 rope was kept in Borrowdale, by subscription, for the 
 purpose of letting down men into the rocks, to take 
 the nests or young of the eagles. Very many of the 
 inhabitants used to assemble to hold the rope, when 
 a nest- robbing was projected. On one occasion when 
 the man was drawn up, it was with fear and trembling 
 till the man was safely landed with the prize of young 
 birds ; for they discovered that two of the three 
 strands of the rope were chafed quite through by the 
 sharp edges of the rocks. However, all was silently 
 eftected and the man was safe. 
 
 The rope was available for Buttermere, Ennerdale, 
 Langdale, Eskdale, and other dales, but kept in Bor- 
 rowdale ; and was in requisition there nearly every 
 year, and occasionally in the other vales ; and the
 
 190 Cumbriana. 
 
 young eagles were sold for high prices. The eagles 
 sometimes shifted their breeding quarters to other 
 parts, when disturbed in Borrovvdale. The rope was 
 occasionally used in a similar manner for the release 
 of crag-fast sheep \ that is, when the sheep wandered 
 along the narrow ledges of rocks, where they had not 
 room to turn round to retreat. 
 
 MORE EAGLES. 
 
 In 185 1, Mr. Fletcher Greenip, of Portinscale, told 
 me that, a few years before, he saw three eagles in 
 company, near the head of Bassenthwaite lake, during 
 frost, apparently hunting the springs and unfrozen 
 ditches for waterfowl ; and that Joseph Summers, of 
 Castlerigg, saw seven eagles in company about the 
 same period. Mr. Greenip would hardly be mistaken, 
 for at that time he had a good collection of living 
 birds of prey, including two or more eagles. The Field 
 newspaper records three other instances of eagles 
 having been seen, viz. : — In Little Langdale, in 1859; 
 Newlands vale, in 1863 ; and Uldale, near Egremont, 
 1864. 
 
 THE MART IN BORROWDALE. 
 
 The same old gentleman, Mr. John Braithwaite,* 
 used to relate, that, while he acted as shepherd, he 
 had occasionally missed sheep, one at a time ; and 
 that when found they were invariably dead. 
 
 They were always found at the foot of some high 
 rock, much mangled and bone-broken, and had been 
 
 * Vide p. 188.
 
 Locat, Natural History. 191 
 
 bled by a bite in the throat. This was thought to be 
 the work of a dog; and other surmises prevailed, 
 without any certainty as to what was the real offender. 
 
 One day he had a clear proof of the mode of de- 
 struction, and of the culprit too. In scrambHng 
 through a rocky region he was surprised by the car- 
 case of one of his wedders tumbling from ledge to 
 ledge of the rock very near him, and falling with a 
 heavy thud at the bottom. Hearing no dog bark or 
 other sound leading to discovery, and suspecting foul 
 play, he stood listening, and kept his dogs in. In a 
 very short time he was still more surprised to see a 
 yellow mart come hurrying down round the end of 
 the crag, run direct to the mangled sheep, and fix its 
 teeth in the jugular vein, and begin sucking the blood. 
 He took time to be quite sure of the circumstance, 
 and then let his two sheep dogs off in pursuit of the 
 mart. They had seen it come to the dead sheep, 
 and were with some difficulty kept quiet till leave was 
 given, and then were down on him in a moment ; but 
 he was too quick for them, and managed to get up 
 into rough ground, where he had a great advantage 
 over the dogs, as he could gUde along narrow ledges 
 where the dogs could not follow ; and, Avith his swift 
 and peculiar snake-like motion, soon distanced them 
 and effected a safe retreat. 
 
 After this discovery, he was hunted day after day 
 till caught, and much rejoicing followed his death ; 
 and many misdeeds were laid to his charge, which no 
 animal of his kind was, till then, thought to be capable 
 of accomplishing. 
 
 This sagacious animal, then, had been the sole de- 
 predator, it was believed, in all the previous instances, 
 by chasing the sheep over precipices for his luxurious 
 feast of the warm blood ; for after his capture no more 
 were destroyed in the same way.
 
 192 Ciinibriana. 
 
 PIKE AND BUZZARD OR GLEAD. 
 
 Whether driven by hunger or impelled by a habitual 
 propensity to take life, with which the buzzard is 
 credited, an incident of one or the other occurred 
 about the beginning of the nineteenth century. A 
 large, dead bird of this species was found at the edge 
 of the water in Ullock mill dam, on the IMarron, 
 having its claws firmly fixed in the back of a pike of a 
 few pounds in weight ; the fish being also dead. It 
 would seem that the fish had been basking in a 
 shallow; perhaps with the back out of water, as they 
 sometimes do, and had been discovered by the bird, 
 which had pounced upon it and fastened its hooked 
 talons into a fish heavier than he could lift out of the 
 water ; that the pike liad been so strong as to drag 
 the prisoned bird under water and drown it, but 
 could not liberate itself from the dead clutch of the 
 buzzard, and both had come to an untimely end. 
 Very rarely is a pike found in the Marron ; and it was 
 supposed the twain had been floated down the stream 
 from Mockerkin Tarn in time of flood. 
 
 THE DOG'S REVENGE. 
 
 ' A BUTCHER, named Fearon, residing at Dean, was 
 driving sheep over the open commons, to Whitehaven, 
 for slaughter ; when near Studfold, between the com- 
 mons of Dean and Distington, the dog misbehaved 
 and was chastised by his master, and ' slunk away, 
 refusing to assist in driving the sheep. When Fearon 
 was returning in the evening, the dog, a mongrel mas- 
 tiff, rushed out of a ling-bed on Freerbank, and 
 
 "".^^^tU^ if^.-^a^ ^^^Jr^*^^ A ^"^^^^-^-^ 
 
 / %/ • C / .• ^ ^ ^ ^ . j^
 
 Local Natural History. 193 
 
 savagely attacked his master. The free use of the 
 walking stick availed nothing, but the butcher's knife 
 was fortunately at hand, and its assistance settled the 
 matter ; the brute was left dead on the moor. 
 
 Fearon was strong in the opinion that had he not 
 been so well provided, or had refrained from the use 
 of the knife, he would have been the victim of the 
 dog's revenge. 
 
 BADGERS. 
 
 These animals are now extinct in the wild state in 
 Cumberland, but were not scarce till about the end of 
 the 1 8th century. The localities of their burrows and 
 places of resort are still preserved in the many names 
 of Brock hole, Brock stone, Tod hole, Tod hill. Tod 
 dale, &c. The situations of many of these places 
 seem more likely for the den of the badger than the 
 bield of the fox ; and though the fox was often called 
 the Tod, there are good reasons for believing that 
 name to have been applied to both the fox and the 
 badger. 
 
 The badger inhabited the lower grounds where 
 these names are mostly found. The range of the 
 fox comprises both high and low ; and both animals 
 used similar burrows in the low country. 
 
 There were brock holes in a sand bank in Eskat 
 woods near where the cottage now stands ; and these 
 animals being fond of basking in the sun, a hedger 
 came suddenly upon two of them sleeping, and 
 making a quick stroke with his bill hook he wounded 
 one, but both got into their hole and were never seen 
 again. These were the last known in that part. 
 
 ^ -ifi..,.^ ^„^^t^
 
 1 94 Cninbriafia. 
 
 FOX-HUNTING. 
 
 One of the natural born propensities of the Cumbrian 
 is a love of the chase ; and though it may be less in- 
 dulged in modern times, it is inherent in all. 
 
 Threescore years ago the enthusiasm of fox hunting 
 was kept up as it was wont to be in times gone by, and 
 was now and then exercised and celebrated in a pecu- 
 liar manner. But a true picture of the fox-hunters of 
 that day cannot be given without introducing a little 
 of the rough and disagreeable side of it. 
 
 A credible hunter, who formed one of the party, 
 related that after a very exciting run from near the 
 Dash Waterfall, in Uldale, to Swineside in Mossdale, 
 the fox was run into and killed by the hounds in a 
 dairy, amid a great destruction of pottery and a plen- 
 tiful splashing of milk and cream. The hunters ad- 
 journed to an inn near at hand, and, after a glass or 
 two each, cut off the dead fox's feet, dipped them in 
 a bowl of punch, and drank it to the success of fox- 
 hunting ! As their enthusiasm rose with their libations, 
 they cut off the brush and stuck it in a candlestick to 
 ornament the table ; then castrated the dead animal 
 and seasoned the next bowl therewith, drinking that 
 too !! 
 
 What would modern foxhunters think of such end- 
 ings as these? Such were not unusual then. 
 
 INSTINCT, OR WHAT? 
 
 What an extraordinary faculty some animals possess 
 of finding their way home when conveyed to a distance
 
 Local Natural History. 195 
 
 without being able or allowed to see the road they 
 travel, or the objects they pass on the way ! 
 
 Several years ago, a family of miners removed from 
 Alston to Whitehaven, and stayed all night on their 
 way, at Keswick. Their cat was taken the whole way 
 in a covered basket, and was let out on arriving at 
 their lodgings in Whitehaven. 
 
 For two days it remained quiet and appeared settled 
 in its new abode ; but on the third day it was missed, 
 and not heard of again for some months, until the 
 owner had occasion to visit Alston, and there found 
 his cat at the house he had left. On comparing dates 
 it was found that the animal had only been a week on 
 its return journey — a distance of about seventy miles 
 by road. 
 
 This was related by the person at whose house the 
 family had stayed at Keswick, and where the man 
 slept on his second trip. 
 
 The cat could not safely travel by daylight, and 
 even in the night time she would be liable to meet 
 many interruptions from dogs and otherwise, and be 
 obliged to frequently swerve from her course and take 
 circuitous routes. It is likely she would have to 
 traverse the indirect streets of Kesv/ick and Penrith, 
 and to surmount the bleak heights of Whinlatter and 
 Hartside. 
 
 Could instinct be the guide that unerringly led her 
 by the way she could not know, to her old home ? 
 
 THE DOG AS A SHEEP WORRIER. 
 
 It may be remarked that each kind of dog, if of pure 
 breed, has a peculiar and distinct mode of attacking 
 other animals, and especially sheep.
 
 1^6 Cumbriana. 
 
 The mastiff is now scarce and commonly chained, 
 and is httle known as a destroyer of sheep ; and the 
 bull-dog is not often accused of that crime, because it 
 is seldom allowed to ramble from the house or heel of 
 the owner ; and, unless roused for a short course, both 
 these are too slow of foot to do much harm. They 
 stop their prey by grasping the nose or some part of 
 the head. 
 
 The greyhound is more known as a destroyer of 
 lambs than of sheep ; and, with speed at_ command, 
 its mode of attack is similar to that applied when in 
 pursuit of the hare — that is, grasping the loins, or 
 pitching the helpless animal into the air and seizing it 
 by the back as it falls, and at once disabUng it. 
 
 The pointer and setter usually fasten on the sheep 
 or lamb by the flank, and hold on till the victim can 
 be overturned or brought to a stand-still, when the 
 operation is soon over. These commonly make their 
 attack in the daytime, and are, generally, the most 
 destructive dogs among sheep when they acquire a 
 propensity for such tempting amusements ; for their 
 speed and endurance enable them to hold out for 
 several hours at a stretch in their destructive career. 
 
 The sheep dog is entitled to the credit of being the 
 cleverest of the dog tribe as a destroyer ; for he goes 
 about his work with more cunning than any other of 
 his race, and it is seldom found out before much harm 
 is done. In some cases many months have elapsed 
 ere the true culprit could be detected, so wary has he 
 been in all his proceedings. He takes his victim by 
 the throat ; overturns and throttles it at once. In liis 
 mad excitement he often leaves the poor animal strug- 
 gling in the throes of death, and hurries off to add 
 other unfortunates to his crime. 
 
 This dog, when at maturity, is seldom known to 
 worry near home, or among the flock of his owner.
 
 Local Natural History. ic^'j 
 
 "When once blooded he will sneak two or three miles 
 away in the dark to a strange flock, and will some- 
 times entice a youngster along with him ; after a little 
 play together, both attacking the same sheep, the 
 older criminal at the throat, and the other wherever it 
 can lay hold of, they soon make an end of the matter. 
 
 In the excitement of the chase the young dog is apt 
 to give an occasional bark or luilk, as it is termed, 
 and to cause detection. The old one never barks. 
 
 It seldom happens that the hound takes to worry- 
 ing sheep. In the winter months he has his special 
 duties to attend to, and these are more fascinating to 
 him than the chase of a tar-coated sheep. During the 
 rest of the year he indulges in a habit of laziness ; and, 
 if liberally fed, his habit partly unfits him for preying 
 on live mutton. There are occasional exceptions to 
 all these, btit they are rare. 
 
 Cross breeds and mongrel dogs have no settled 
 mode of attack until well practised in the business, 
 and then each adopts a system of its own or varies it 
 to suit the whim of the moment. 
 
 The sheep dog commonly begins his sport about 
 midnight ; and after a lively hour or so of destructive 
 amusement, rolls and rubs himself on the grass, and 
 is found at home in the morning, as clean and tidy, 
 and as unconcerned and ready for his breakfast and 
 work, as if he had been all night in his kennel, or 
 sleeping at the foot of the straw stack. He seldom 
 worries for a livelihood, or even partakes of the blood 
 or flesh ; and all liis energy, for the time, seems to be 
 expended in sport or excitement. A clumsy whelp 
 may come home towards morning with bloody marks 
 on his head or legs, but he soon learns to know better, 
 if not detected and hanged. 
 
 When a lad, the writer assisted in collecting and 
 throwing into a disused pit more than forty dead
 
 198 Cnuibriana. 
 
 lambs in one morning. This was the previous night's 
 work of an idle cur, kept by a labouring man who had 
 no use for it. The miscreant was detected at his 
 work in early morning by the writer's father, who was 
 on horseback, and followed the dog over hedge and 
 ditch for a two-mile course to its home, and had it 
 grudgingly destroyed. Three or four lambs had been 
 worried on the same ground a few nights before, and 
 all were bitten in the neck, doubdess by the same 
 dog. 
 
 About two years previous to the above chase, the 
 same horseman was inspecting his flock one morning 
 on another heaf (Dean Common), when he saw the 
 sheep violently disturbed ; on galloping up to them 
 he found a strong pointer dog, so earnest in its work 
 of destruction, that he could not beat it off while in 
 the saddle, and on alighting to thrash it, the furious 
 creature turned to attack him ; and, during his momen- 
 tary act of remounting, it fell to its bloody work again. 
 He then, in his excitement, attempted to ride it down, 
 but it slipped aside from the horse's feet ; and in its 
 extreme fury would have continued to worry, but he 
 chased it so close that it made off towards its home, 
 and he followed it a distance of five miles, where he 
 found its owner, who, being a surgeon, applied a safe 
 and speedy remedy to it. 
 
 On his return he found it had destroyed some and 
 greatly injured several of his own sheep, and some 
 belonging to his neighbours. All of these were sav- 
 agely torn in the flank, and some of the dead had 
 their bowels protruding. These were all old sheep, 
 but no match for the infuriated dog. 
 
 Instances might be multiplied of extensive sheep 
 worrying,, and scarce a vale can be found without its 
 tale of destruction ; some may enumerate several. 
 These more often occurred on the low moors than on
 
 Local Natural History. 199 
 
 the mountains. On the fells large flocks were depas- 
 tured ; the dogs were fewer in number, were well 
 broke, and had plenty of legitimate employment. 
 The low commons were stocked with a few sheep be- 
 longing to each small farm around ; and each small 
 farm kept one or more ill-trained curs, with little work 
 for them to do. These, if not closely watched, found 
 sport in chasing sheep occasionally, and sport led on 
 to mischief. Happily such instances are less frequent 
 now than fifty years ago. 
 
 It is somewhat rare to have a dog possessed of the 
 faculty and inclination to mark sheep that are buried 
 under a deep snow drift. Such dogs are of great 
 value for that special purpose, but they become so 
 wild with joy, in the act of releasing the sheep, that 
 they would worry the excavated animal there and then 
 if suffered, and are too apt to take up the business of 
 worriers after their snowy duties are ended. 
 
 ENNERDALE PILLAR STONE. 
 
 In the early part of the present century, a reliable old 
 dalesman told me that before the red deer were 
 destroyed in the Crown Forest of Ennerdale, sheep 
 used occasionally to venture upon the Pillar Stone in 
 search of a chance bite of grass, while the deer occu- 
 pied the surrounding forest, during the latter half of 
 the previous century. Some of the old stags also 
 chose the same elevated stand as a look-out. If they 
 found a sheep or two in possession, they invariably 
 forked them over the side, treating them to a fall of 
 about 200 feet. To prevent such losses, the shep- 
 herds assembled at the place, and handed stones from 
 one to another along the dangerous entrance neck.
 
 200 Cunibriana. 
 
 and had a wall built high enough to prevent the in- 
 gress of sheep and deer. 
 
 THE WILD DOG OF ENNERDALE. 
 
 A RECENT occurrence recalled to my memory the mis- 
 deeds of the Ennerdale dog. These were so numer- 
 ous and audacious, and so unusual, that whatsoever 
 mischief other dogs might have done in other years, 
 their deeds of destruction were all greatly overshad- 
 owed by the doings of this animal in the year i8io, 
 "T' girt dog" was talked about, and dreamt about, 
 and written about, to the utter exclusion of nearly 
 every other topic in Ennerdale and Kinniside, and all 
 the vales round about there ; for the number of sheep 
 he destroyed was amazing, and the difficulties experi- 
 enced in taking him were beyond belief. The tiger of 
 India seldom undergoes more than two or three short 
 chases before he is destroyed ; and the wolf of the 
 Russian forests is usually taken after one long-winded 
 nm, when he can be singled out from his pack. But 
 this creature frequently tired out the fleetest pack of 
 hounds selected purposely for their endurance, and 
 for a long time his cunning baffled all attempts to 
 entrap or destroy him. 
 
 It is upwards of half a century ago, but many of the 
 incidents in connection with the depredations and 
 exciting chases of this wonderful dog are fresh in my 
 memory, and were recorded as well soon after their 
 occurrence ; others have been related to me by per- 
 sons who suffered losses of sheep by him, and who 
 took active part in the watchings for, and ultimate 
 capture of the animal. Amongst the rest, Mr. John 
 Steel, of Asby, who fired the fatal shot, has carefully
 
 Local Natural History. 201 
 
 written his recollections of the affair to me ; and, 
 though he is now turned of four-score, can narrate cir- 
 cumstantially the incitlents of the year so eventful to 
 the welfare of his flock and of every flock in the dis- 
 trict. 
 
 No one knew to whom the dog had belonged, or 
 whence he came • but being of a mongrel breed, and 
 excessively shy, it was conjectured he had escaped 
 from the chain of some gipsy troop. He was a 
 smooth-haired dog, of a tawny mouse colour, with 
 dark streaks, in tiger fashion, over his hide ; and 
 appeared to be a cross between mastiff" and greyhound. 
 Strongly built and of good speed, being both well fed 
 and well exercised, his endurance was very great. 
 His first appearance in the district was on or about 
 the loth May, 18 10, when he was seen by Mr. Mossop, 
 of Thornholme, who was near, and noticed him as a 
 stranger. His worrying exploits followed soon after ; 
 and from that time till his being shot in September 
 following, he was not known to have fed on anything 
 but living mutton, or, at least, the flesh of lambs and 
 sheep before the carcases had time to cool. From 
 one sheep he was scared during his feast, and when 
 the shepherd examined the carcase, the flesh had been 
 torn from the ribs behind the shoulder, and the still 
 beating heart was laid bare and visible. He was once 
 seen to run down a fine ram at early dawn ; and, with- 
 out killing it, to tear out and swallow lumps of living 
 flesh from the hind quarters of the tortured animal 
 while it stood on its feet, without the power to resist 
 or flee, yet with sufliicient life to crawl forward on its 
 fore legs. He would sometimes wantonly destroy 
 seven or eight sheep in one night ; and all his work 
 was done so silently that no one ever heard him either 
 bark or growl. 
 
 At other times, when a lazy fit came over him, or
 
 202 Ctnnbrimia. 
 
 when he had been fatigued by a long chase, a single 
 life and the tit-bits it afforded would' satisfy him for 
 the time — taking his epicurean meal from a choice 
 part of the carcase. He seldom fed during the day ; 
 and his cunning was such that he did not attack the 
 same flock or sport on the same ground on two suc- 
 cessive nights, often removing two or three miles for 
 his next meal. His saijacitv was so matured that his 
 choice often fell on the best, or one of the plumpest, 
 of the flock ; and his long practice enabled him to 
 dexterously abstract his great luxury, the warm blood, 
 from the jugular vein ; and if not with surgical pre- 
 cision, it was always with deadly certainty, for none 
 ever survived the operation. The report was current 
 at the time that he commonly opened the vein of the 
 same side of the neck. 
 
 He was often chased from the fells by the shepherds 
 and their dogs, as well as by hounds ; and many an 
 enlivening gallop has been enjoyed at the unusual 
 season of summer, by occasional horsemen who have 
 been crossed and surprised by the chase in full cry. 
 So exciting did it become, that when the cheering 
 echoes gave notice that the game was on foot, horses 
 were hastily unyoked from carts or ploughs, and 
 mounted bare back, and ridden as long as they could 
 go, and then left to take their chance whilst the riders 
 continued the chase on foot. It was no uncommon 
 sight to see a score or two of men running at the top 
 of their speed after the hounds, without hats or coats, 
 to the wonder of the inhabitants of the districts they 
 passed through ; and many well-to-do yeomen have 
 been obliged to strangers for hospitable refreshment 
 at the end of an unsuccessful chase, ending many 
 miles from home or the starting place, having joined 
 the hunt in their hurry with empty pockets. 
 
 All through his career of depredation he was exceed-
 
 Local Natural History 
 
 203 
 
 ingly cautious and provident in the selection of his 
 resting places ; most frequently choosing places where 
 a good view was obtainable, and not seldom on the 
 bare rock, where his dingy colour prevented him being 
 descried on stealing away. For a few weeks at first, 
 it was thought, from his shy habits, that it would be 
 easily possible to drive him out of the country. But 
 this was an entire fallacy ; for he seemed to have 
 settled down to the locality as his regal domain ; and 
 though many a time chased at full speed for ten or fif- 
 teen miles right away, he was generally discovered by 
 his murderous deeds to have returned during the first 
 or second night following. 
 
 A few hounds had been usually kept in the neigh- 
 bourhood to aid in the destruction of the fell foxes, 
 which took tribute of lambs in the spring, and of geese 
 and poultry at other seasons. These hounds, distri- 
 buted among the farm houses in the vale of Ennerdale 
 and Kinniside, and being allowed to run at large, were 
 easily assembled by the halloo of any shepherd espy- 
 ing the dog, and were often available in chase though 
 of no real use ; for the dog got so familiarised with their 
 harmlessness, that, speedy and enduring as they were, 
 he has been known to wait for the leading dog and 
 give the fore-leg such a crushing snap with his power- 
 ful jaws that none of the pack would attack him twice. 
 From the unequal speed of the local hounds, he sel- 
 dom had more than one dog to contend with at a 
 time, and his victory was quick and effectual. 
 
 The men of the district volunteered to watch in 
 turns on successive nights, armed with guns or other 
 weapons ; and when these were wearied out other 
 volunteers came in from a distance, or were hired to 
 watch on the mountains through the nights, rain or 
 fair ; and the hounds were distributed in leading 
 among them, covering many miles of the ground
 
 204 Cuinbriana. 
 
 nightly. If any one fired a shot, or gave the view 
 halloo, the dogs were let loose, and were soon laid on 
 the scent, pursuing it with the same bristling energy 
 that accompanies the chase of the fox. But no dog 
 had any chance to engage him singly in battle till the 
 rest came up. Various schemes were tried to entice 
 him within shooting range, such as tethering bitches 
 in heat on his domain ; but though the cunning brute 
 was often seen to hover about them, yet he took espe- 
 cial care to keep out of harm's way. Poison was tried, 
 but soon abandoned, on account of the risk of injury 
 to other dogs. The bait of the sheep already destroyed 
 had no effect on him, for he was too well versed as an 
 epicure to touch a dead carcase if ever so fresh. Week 
 r.fter week, the excitement was kept up. The whole 
 conversation of the neighbourhood, and of adjoining 
 vales, was engrossed by the interesting topic of the 
 " worrying dog." At home or abroad, at church or 
 market or fair, if an Ennerdale or Kinniside man was 
 met with, " t'girt dog" was all he could talk about or 
 think about. 
 
 Newspapers reported his doings, and friend wrote to 
 distant friend about him, but no one took time to 
 write a song about him. If any songs have been 
 written, I trust that either John Steel, the slayer of the 
 dog, or some one else, will send them to the publisher 
 of this work whatever the quality may be. 
 
 Every man who could obtain a gun, whether cap- 
 able of using it with effect or not, was called out, or 
 thought himself called out, to watch or pursue, daily 
 or nightly ; and many an idle or lazy fellow got or 
 took holiday from work to mix with the truly anxious 
 shepherds, and to snoozle under a rock in the night, 
 or stretch his lazy carcase on the heather in the day, 
 with a gun, or a pitchfork, or a fell pole in his hand, 
 under pretence of watching for the wild dog.
 
 Local Natural History. 205 
 
 Men were harassed and tired out by continuous 
 watchings by night, and running the chase by day. 
 Families were disturbed in the nights to prepare 
 refreshments for their fatigued male inmates, or for 
 neighbours who dropped in at the unbarred doors of 
 the houses nearest at hand at all hours of tlie night. 
 Children durst not go to school or be out alone, and 
 they often screamed with fright at the smallest noc- 
 turnal sounds, or in their dreams ; while women were 
 exhausted with the toil of the farm their husbands and 
 brothers were obliged to abandon to their care. The 
 hay crop and all field labours were neglected, or done 
 by hurried and incomplete snatches, no one attempt- 
 ing jobs that could not be performed in an hour or 
 two, — every eye on the look out, and every ear listen- 
 ing for the alarm of the frequent hunt, which every 
 one was ready to join in. Property was disappearing 
 in the shape of sheep worried, crops wasting, wages 
 paid for no return, time lost, and work of all kinds 
 left undone. Cows were occasionally unmilked, and 
 horses unfed or undressed. IMany fields of haygrass 
 were not cut, and corn would in all likelihood have 
 shared the same fate if an end had not opportunely 
 come. 
 
 There are few dogs that do not occasionally indulge 
 in a long and melancholy howl, when quite alone, and 
 listening to the distant howl of other dogs ; but " the 
 Worrying Dog of Ennerdale " was never known to 
 utter a vocal sound. And, along with this remarkable 
 trait, his senses of sight, hearing, and scent, were so 
 acute that it was rare indeed for any one to come 
 upon him unawares in the day-time. On the few 
 occasions when he was accidentally approached in 
 day-light he exhibited nothing vicious, and always 
 fled hastily. 
 
 On one occasion the late Willy Jackson, of Swin-
 
 2o6 Cnnibriana. 
 
 side (the respected father of the celebrated wrestler), 
 was leaving his house with his loaded gun, when, quite 
 unexpectedly, he saw the dog in the act of lifting his 
 hind leg against a tall thistle, within about thirty yards 
 of him. He raised his gun and took steady aim, with 
 a strong determination to end the life of the dog and 
 the present troubles of the district, but on pulling the 
 trigger his untrusty flint gun missed fire, and away 
 went the dog. 
 
 The protracted excitement became so great and 
 annoying, and the losses so heavy, that when the July 
 sheepshearlngs or clippings came on, a subscription 
 was determined upon for collecting and maintaining a 
 more efficient pack of the swiftest and most vicious 
 hounds that could be found ; and a very fine lot of 
 swift and spirited dogs were procured, thought to be 
 equal to any emergency of the kind. 
 
 In that year the late Mr. John Russell, who had a 
 brewery in Whitehaven, and a sheep farm of some 
 three thousand acres in Ennerdale, whose flock suf- 
 fered with the rest, oftered ale to the watchers, and a 
 reward of ten pounds for the capture of the dog, dead 
 or alive. The other sheepowners raised about twelve 
 pounds among themselves as a fund for refreshments, 
 and a free whittlegate was the order of the day to all 
 who professed to be watchers or pursuers. 
 
 These measures caused much enthusiasm, and great 
 numbers of men assembled, sometimes by request or 
 appointment, and sometimes voluntarily. On a fine 
 July morning about two hundred men and a number 
 of hounds in couples were spread over the Kinniside 
 fells to search for the dog, and were not long in rous- 
 ing their game about the part of the mountain called 
 Hope-head. The view halloo by forty or fifty men 
 soon brought the hounds to the place, and the scent 
 being fresh a quick and hopeful run took place to-
 
 Local Natural History. 207 
 
 wards Wasdale-head ; but the destroyer found his car- 
 case too heavy to make good way over the crags and 
 rough fells, and turned his course back by the heights 
 overlooking Wastwater — the echoes of the hunt ring- 
 ing across the lake and reverberating from the Screes 
 — to the smoother ground of Brownyedge and Stock- 
 dale Moor, and took shelter in a cornfield at Prior- 
 scale, having thrown the hounds and most of the men 
 off his track for a time by his crafty turnings, and only 
 about forty of the two hundred men coming down to 
 the field where it was expected the dog was resting. 
 Watchers were set round the field till more hounds 
 were collected by the present Mr. Mossop, of Thorn- 
 holme (" merry Charlie "), who on his fast pony scoured 
 the district where dogs were kept, and soon had a 
 reinforcement ; but it was too late — the dog had 
 stolen away without resting. He was traced by a 
 slow hunt, and heard of now and then through Calder 
 and Seascale, till night coming on he was finally lost 
 in Drigg, and the weary hunters had to return unsuc- 
 cessful. 
 
 Seldom a week elapsed without the dog being once 
 or twice chased out of the district, most frequently 
 down into the lower country where the level land 
 better suited his running, and where the softer ground 
 of the fields did less harm to his feet. 
 
 On one occasion he was run across the vale of 
 Ennerdale through Loweswater, and lost in the mist 
 and night. Next morning his traces were found on 
 his old ground by two or three fresh carcases. On 
 another occasion he was run from Kinniside fells 
 through Lamplugh and Dean, crossed the river Mat- 
 ron several times, and rested in a plantation near 
 Clifton, till a number of horsemen and some footmen 
 came up and the hounds again aroused him and ran 
 him to the Derwent and there lost him, after an ex-
 
 2o8 Cmnbriana. 
 
 hausting run of nearly twenty miles. This chase was 
 more severe than usual, and he took two days to rest 
 and return in. 
 
 Many times he was run in the same direction, and 
 always found means to escape. One Saturday night 
 a great number of men was dispersed over the high 
 fells, watching with guns and hounds, but he avoided 
 them and took his supper on a distant mountain ; and 
 the men not meeting with him, came down about 
 eleven o'clock on Sunday morning and separated about 
 Swinside lane end. In a few minutes after, Willy 
 Lamb gave the " view halloo." He had started the 
 beast in crossing the wooded gill, and away went the 
 dog with the hounds in full cry after him. The hunt 
 passed Ennerdale Church during service ; and the 
 male part of the congregation, liking the cry of the 
 hounds better than the sermon, ran out and followed. 
 It has been said the Rev. Mr. Ponsonby could not 
 resist, and went in pursuit as far as he was able.* 
 This run ended at Fitz Mill, near Cockermouth, in a 
 storm which the wearied men and dogs had to encoun- 
 ter in a twelve-miles return. 
 
 Next morning the dog was seen by Anthony Atkin- 
 son to steal into a grassy hedge and lie down to rest. 
 Such an opportunity seldom occurred and was not to 
 be lost. Anthony charged his gun with swan shot 
 and crept cautiously towards the place, with a deter- 
 mination to have as close a shot as he could ; but the 
 wily animal was on the watch, and stole away at a 
 long-shot distance with three of Anthony's pellets stick- 
 ing harmlessly in his hide, as it proved when the skin 
 was taken off some weeks after. 
 
 Once he led his pursuers a weary chase to Seaton, 
 or Camerton, and was lost in the whinny covers there; 
 
 * The discipline of the Church was not strict at that period, and the ex- 
 citement of the time and district might well have caused such an act, but it 
 is not confirmed-
 
 Local Natural History. 209 
 
 and I well remember the hunters, some on foot and 
 some on horseback, returning late and weary ; some 
 without hats, and some without coats, which they had 
 thrown off to lighten their burdens in the hot pursuit. 
 At another time, John Steel, of Birkmoss, was leading 
 two noted hounds from Gosforth over the Kinniside 
 fells, and when near Swarthgill head, about one in the 
 morning, his dogs struggled violently to get away 
 although he could not see or hear anything to excite 
 them. Not long after he met the other hounds on the 
 drag of the wild dog, which they ran almost direct to 
 the place where his two hounds had been so difficult 
 to restrain, and there were found three sheep newly 
 killed — so quietly was the work of destruction done. 
 That morning the dog was run to and lost at Irton. 
 
 He was once run from the head of Ennerdale lake 
 over the tops of the Kinniside range by Dent and 
 Egremont to St. Bees, where he avoided capture. The 
 same evening he was seen to steal away from a garden 
 where he had secreted himself till danger was over, 
 but no one had then the means of capture or pursuit 
 ready. This day a violent storm came on, and many 
 of the pursuers, having left their coats and waistcoats 
 on the fells, were soaked and battered by the rain and 
 wind on their return, till some of them took colds 
 which remained with them till death. 
 
 A Mrs. Russell, visiting at Birkmoss, went to pull a 
 few apples in an orchard near the river Ehen, and 
 returned immediately in great alarm, saying she had 
 seen " an awful looking wild beast " resting in the long 
 grass under the very tree she intended to take apples 
 from. John Steel had just returned from his watching 
 on the fell, and well knew what the wild beast would 
 be ; so he speedily placed a person to watch the dog 
 and hallooed for the hounds. In half an hour the 
 pack had assembled, with ^ome scores of men, but 
 
 p
 
 2IO Cumbriana. 
 
 the beast had crept off unseen by the watcher, and 
 was hidden in another place. He was quickly found, 
 and started, with the hounds at his heels and the 
 shouts of the many hunters ringing around him. So 
 puzzled was the animal to get outside the gunless 
 crowd, that he bolted between the crooked legs of 
 Jack Wilson, a deaf old man who was stooping to 
 gather sticks, and quite unaware of what was going on 
 around him till the dog glided under his nose and 
 made its escape. Jack was sure it was a lion ! The 
 hounds again ran iam near to St. Bees, and again he 
 foiled them. 
 
 On another occasion the dog had been seen, and a 
 number of men soon mustered, thirteen of whom 
 were armed with loaded guns and stationed at different 
 parts of the wood and fields where he was believed to 
 be lurking. The halloo was soon heard, and every 
 armed man was in hopes of earning the ten pounds 
 reward. The dog ran in the direction where Will 
 Rothery was stationed with gun in hand ; but so much 
 was Will overcome by his near and first view of the 
 creature which had become so fearful a scourge in the 
 country, that instead of lifting his gun to take aim, he 
 quietly stepped back and suffered the dog to pass at 
 a short pistol-shot distance, without attempting to do 
 liim any harm ; merely exclaiming, with more fear 
 than piety, " Skerse, what a dog !" 
 
 Many other long and arduous chases took place, 
 but, the incidents not varying much, a full recital 
 might become tedious. 
 
 As the summer advanced, and the crops got full on 
 the ground, it was found useless to continue chasing 
 the dog ; for, if run up to, no dog hitherto laid on 
 could match him, and he got so well acquainted with 
 the country for many miles around the district chosen 
 as his home, that, after leading his pursuers many a
 
 Local Natural History, 211 
 
 long and weary chase, he always threw the hounds off 
 the scent by some clever manoeuvre ; often gliding 
 from one cornfield to another, where the hunters would 
 not go in lest they should injure the growing crops in 
 assisting the hounds. In this way it was found he 
 sometimes doubled and passed his pursuers, but more 
 often led them a headlong course. 
 
 At last it was thought better to waste less time over 
 him till some of the crops were cut, and then one avail- 
 able source, at least, of his deceptions, would be taken 
 away. And people began to find out that the loss of 
 even three or four sheep in a night, for two or three 
 nights in the week, was not so much as the additional 
 loss of their ripe crops would be, if they continued 
 the earnest play of hunting an animal which hitherto 
 had baffled all their skill and exertions. So it was 
 agreed that a cessation of arms should take place on 
 the side of the pursuers, for two or three weeks till 
 the land was partly cleared, and the crops saved ; and 
 then to resume offensive operations with increased 
 vigour. 
 
 A chance incident soon overruled this determination, 
 for, on the 12th of September, the dog was seen by 
 Jonathan Patrickson to go into a cornfield. 
 
 Jonathan quietly said, " Aa'l let ta lig theer a bit, me 
 lad, but aa'l want to see tha just noo." 
 
 Away went the old man, and, without the usual 
 noise, soon raised men enow to surround the field ; 
 and as some in their haste came unprovided witli guns, 
 a halt was whispered round to wait till more guns were 
 brought and the hounds collected. When a good 
 muster of guns and men with dogs were got together, 
 the wild dog was disturbed out of the corn ; and only 
 the old man who had seen him go into the field was 
 lucky enough to get a shot at him, and to wound him 
 in the hind quarters. This took a little off his speed.
 
 212 Ctimbriana. 
 
 and enabled the hounds to keep well up to him, but 
 none durst or did en,£;age him. And, though partly 
 disabled, he kept long on his legs and was often 
 headed and turned by the numerous parties of pur- 
 suers, several of whom met him in his circuitous route 
 from the upper side of Kinniside, by Eskat, Arlec- 
 don,_and Asby, by Rowrah and Stockhow Hall, to 
 the river Ehen. Each of these parties he shied, and 
 turned in a new direction till he got wearied. He 
 was quietly taking a cold bath in the river, with the 
 blown hounds as quietly looking on, when John Steel 
 came up with his gun laden with small bullets, but durst 
 not shoot, lest he should injure some of the hounds. 
 When the dog_ caught sight of him it made off to 
 Eskat woods, with the hounds and John on its track, 
 and after a few turnings in the wood, amid the great- 
 est excitement of dogs and men, a fair chance offered, 
 and the fatal discharge was made by John Steel, when 
 the destroyer fell to rise no more, and the marksman 
 received his well-earned reward of ten pounds, with 
 the hearty congratulations of all assembled. 
 
 After many a kick at the dead brute, the carcase 
 was carried in triumph to the inns at Ennerdale Bridge; 
 and the cheering and rejoicing there were so great that 
 it was many days ere the shepherd inhabitants of the 
 vale settled to their usual pursuits. 
 
 The dead carcase of the dog weighed eight imperial 
 stones. 
 
 Since that eventful year, no extensive worrying of 
 sheep has occurred there. 
 
 The stuffed skin of the "wild dog" was exhibited in 
 Hutton's Museum, at Keswick, with a collar round the 
 neck, stating that the wearer had been the destroyer 
 of neariy three hundred sheep and lambs in the five 
 months of his Ennerdale campaign.
 
 Local Natural History. 213 
 
 THE CORNCRAKE. 
 
 This bird has the reputation of being a ventriloquist, 
 and it possesses the instinct to feign death when in 
 danger. 
 
 My son heard the scream of a bird as if in distress. 
 Proceeding in the direction of the sound, and cau- 
 tiously peeping through a hedge, he saw a young 
 corncrake in the bottom of a dry gutter, crying out as 
 if it wanted help. It caught sight of him, and with 
 a despairing shriek it toppled over and lay as if dead 
 — its wings spread and its head down among the 
 weeds. He was trying to turn it over with his stick, 
 when it quickly sprang up and ran off, evidently a 
 sound bird. 
 
 ANIMAL SYMPATHY. 
 
 A FARMER in Loweswater had a horse which was apt 
 to kick or bite any one but a son who was of weak 
 intellect. A friendship had been established between 
 the two, and the horse submitted to the lad in perfect 
 quietness, the lad treating his friend with uniform 
 kindness, which perhaps the rest of the family had 
 not always done. One day a neighbour remarked to 
 the father that it was scarcely safe to trust the young 
 man with such a horse. The old man was of few 
 words and very seriously said, " A mad horse '11 nut 
 strike at a feliU ! " 
 
 PLAYFULNESS IN HORSES. 
 
 Most horses are of a playful disposition among their 
 own kind whilst young, but not many attempt to play 
 with other animals.
 
 214 Cumbriana. 
 
 A two-year old colt I had was an exception. Hav- 
 ing no horse to play with or tease, he took a delight 
 in singling out a sheep or a cow, and would chase it 
 in a canter, threading through among the others, still 
 keeping to the same. 
 
 When the animal became blown and attempted to 
 slack or stop, the colt would nip its rump and make 
 it go till it was exhausted and obliged to lay down. 
 If the lively colt had satisfied its craving for fun and 
 action, it would stand near its victim ; but if not, 
 another was selected and the process repeated. Once 
 it chased a fine Leicester ewe to death, and then was 
 punished by imprisonment. Another, a small pony 
 which had been foaled in the workings of a ninety 
 fathom coal pit, began this trick on being let loose 
 on the green sward ; and in the exuberance of its 
 enjoyment of companions in the daylight, ran a heifer 
 till she laid down and died. These are not solitary 
 instances. I have known several, varying in parti 
 culars but all tending to shew the delight the chaser 
 had in his pastime irrespective of consequences to 
 others. Sometimes the horse, impatient of the slow 
 canter, would throw up its heels and tail and take a 
 furious galloping circuit — now and then rearing and 
 kicking, by way of getting rid of a part of its super- 
 abundant energy; then return and select the same or 
 another animal to begin a like course of teasing and 
 chasing, repeating the performance till the chased 
 gave in or the chaser was satisfied. 
 
 INTELLIGENCE OR REASON ? 
 
 We hear a ad read of many instances of intelligence 
 among horses, and some approaching the verge of 
 reason.
 
 Local Natiinxl History. 215 
 
 I had a fine little bay mare which had been a doc- 
 tor's saddle beast for three or four years at Caldbeck. 
 I bought her solely for the saddle, riding to fairs, &c., 
 and occasionally taking part in driving cattle. One day 
 when about two miles from home and having a score 
 of heifers before me on the road, I alighted, and 
 throwing the reins over her neck, let her go, believing 
 she was so quiet as to be trusted to go gently along. 
 In a few minutes she suddenly trotted forward to near 
 the head of the drove and fell in behind the foremost 
 three or four, drove them at the ordinary pace and 
 allowed none of them to drop back. If any of the 
 followers attempted to pass her in order to join the 
 leaders, her ears were laid back and she sprang for- 
 ward to intercept their advance. To my surprise she 
 kept her station till reaching home. 
 
 On previous occasions when riding behind a drove 
 I had been much amused at her acting the dog and 
 crossing the road without my guidance to nip the rump 
 of a loiterer. It is a great help in driving a number 
 of cattle, for a man to go forward and take a few 
 before him by way of leading the rest onward. How 
 the intelligent animal got to understand driving cattle 
 without experience or training is very singular ; and 
 she was equally ready and able to take the leading 
 part or to drive behind, being very patient with all 
 that were tolerably tractable, but generally impressed 
 her first nip so vigorously that if only her ears were 
 laid back and her nose poked towards the offender 
 no further reminder was needful. Although so quiet 
 when on what she seemed to think her duty — being 
 always in good condition she was as playful as a kitten 
 when clear of saddle and bridle and turned loose in 
 the field, where she would play a variety of antics in- 
 dicative of great enjoyment. People commonly deny 
 the power of reasoning to animals, but this one must
 
 2i6 Ciimbriana. 
 
 have been an observing and thinking creature, and 
 capable of drawing conclusions altogether different 
 from the promptings of instinct. 
 
 Later 1 had a strong grey horse, Jerry. While out 
 at grass a painful swelling began on his brisket, and 
 a veterinary was called in. The horse was brought 
 and backed into a shed, where relief was given by an 
 operation which had to be repeated daily. Next day 
 he was brought and backed in about the same hour 
 as before, the operation performed, and relief appeared 
 to be felt. 
 
 On the third day, and on every succeeding day till 
 a cure was effected, Jerry came and very orderly 
 backed himself into the shed at the usual hour ; was 
 duly attended to and shewed the same symptoms of 
 anxiety to be dressed as he would for an expected feed 
 of corn. Before the swelling entirely disappeared he 
 ceased to come, for evidently the pain was gone and 
 he had no further need of assistance.
 
 Ilhistrations of Cumberland Words. 217 
 
 ILLUSTRATIONS OF CUMBERLAND 
 WORDS. 
 
 THE DOUBLE MEANING. 
 
 Two frolicsome young men called on the late Mrs. 
 Braithwaite, who kept an inn at Ravenglass, for re- 
 freshment ; and as eggs were to form part of their 
 meal, Mrs. B. inquired if they would have them boiled 
 hard or soft, or how? Expecting some fun would 
 arise out of it, they chose to have them how — not 
 thinking the word meant hollow or empty. The good 
 landlady was as wide awake as the young men, and 
 met their saucy answer by blowing the contents out 
 of the eggs and serving up the empty shells. 
 
 LEAH WOOD. 
 
 A POOR old woman, who enjoyed the now almost 
 extinct Christian name of Leah, resided in one of the 
 last of the cottages connected with the Roman encamp- 
 ment at Old Carlisle. She had a strong idea regard- 
 ing a future life ; and, with a little play upon words, 
 used to say, " I'll 'peer hee if I dee peer," —meaning 
 that she hoped to appear high though she might die 
 in poverty.
 
 2 1 8 Cnmbriana. 
 
 TWO LITTLE MISTAKES. 
 
 A COW-DOCTOR went to see an old woman's sick cow 
 at Grinsdale. and prescribed a certain quantity of 
 Bole Ammoniac to be boiled in new milk and given 
 to the cow. On his next visit she said to the doctor, 
 " I cudn't git a oald alminac in o' Grinsdale, seah I 
 boil't her a oald Chivvy Chess and gave her, and that 
 dud reet weel." " Reet, my bairn, reet," says he. 
 
 STICKING AT K. 
 
 Tommy Stamper, of , near Penrith, sent his 
 
 twelve year old son to school. After a few months, a 
 neighbour asked the schoolmaster how the lad got on 
 in learning. The reply was, " He's stickin' at K. I 
 knew he wad be a dulbert, for his fadder was yan." 
 
 PRIEST'S WALKING STICK. 
 
 A CLERGYMAN who had mislaid his walking stick made 
 inquiry about it of his landlady, who called to her 
 daughter, "Jane Ann, whoar t' priest's kebby?" — 
 walking stick. 
 
 THE POWER OF LANGUAGE. 
 
 Doctor to sick child — " Open your mouth, child, and 
 put out your tongue." No response ; but a vacant
 
 Illustrations of Cumberland Words. 219 
 
 stare. "This must be a very stupid child of yours, 
 my good woman." " It's ye 'at's stupid. Neabociy 
 but a feuU wad talk tul a bairn that way. Oppen thy 
 gob, hinny, an' put out thy lolly." The child was all 
 obedience when addressed in a language it under- 
 stood. 
 
 JACK ROBINSON. 
 
 A LOCOMOTIVE engine having got off the rails of the 
 Cockermouth line, a gang of men were busily em- 
 ployed in endeavouring to replace it. An officious 
 Newcastle by-stander suggested that if they would do 
 so and so, they would get it on the rails '• afooa yan could 
 say Jack Wobison," when a Cumberland platelayer 
 replied, " If she bides off till t/iou can say Jack 
 Robison she'll hev a lang wait." 
 
 THE ROAD TO HENSINGHAM. 
 
 Early one morning a gentleman met a young man 
 from the country, in Whitehaven, who, pointing up 
 Lowther-street, inquired, " Is that t' bainest rwoad to 
 Hensygem ?" The gentleman, very sensibly, replied 
 in the dialect the querist best understood, " P^y, thoo 
 mun gang reet forrat and hod up t' brow, an' it's theer 
 reet eb'n fornenst tha." 
 
 HEG OR EGG. 
 
 A WELL-TO-DO mason of Whitehaven about to sit down 
 to breakfast, said to his daughter, in the vernacular of
 
 220 Ctimbriana. 
 
 most of the seaport towns of Cumberland, " Bessy, 
 boil me a heg." Bessy had learnt more of the proprie- 
 ties of speech and ventured to say, " Father, you 
 should have said an egg." John, not seeing his error, 
 and not relishing to be corrected by his daughter, 
 retorted, " Than gang and boil me two negs." 
 
 THE LAWYERS PUZZLED. 
 
 In a recent trial at the assizes at Carlisle, a genuine 
 Cumbrian was under cross-examination relating to a 
 quarrel and disturbance which occurred near Hawks- 
 dale bridge end, near to the sluice which supplies the 
 Bishop's mill, &c., with water, when the following 
 colloquy took place : — 
 
 Counsel — " Now, my man, did this happen on the 
 North or South side of the river?" 
 
 Witness — " North or South ? 'T was t' door heed 
 side aa tell ye." 
 
 The Court and Bar were amused, and were alike at 
 sea, until a grey-headed juryman explained that 
 Solomon, the witness, referred to the side where the 
 sluice was. 
 
 The witness was a native of Matterdale where the 
 word still survives. 
 
 SCHOOLMASTER ABSENT. 
 
 The following is a literal transcript of a note received 
 by a medical gentleman of Keswick, in i860, from a 
 patient.
 
 Illustrations of Cwnberland Words. 221 
 
 Barkesole Jen 
 
 " the sick nume of her hms an no 
 " hopitite and cold and shiviry and 
 " fosht of wind and no tost in my 
 " mouth." 
 
 Translation attempted : 
 
 B e, January. 
 
 The sick person is benumbed in her limbs, 
 has no appetite, is cold and shivering, and 
 troubled with flatulence, and has no relish 
 for anything. 
 
 HORS DE COMBAT. 
 
 Scene, river Derwent. Very patient angler to his 
 friend — "Aa've fisht this whol in o' weather for a 
 fortneth successfully widout gittan a bite, and to mend 
 o' I heukt a stob and lost my strop and iver so mickle 
 tackle; and o' togidder I was putten horse de contract."
 
 222 Cmnbriana. 
 
 ANECDOTES OF THE FARM. 
 
 As many items in this volume have had their origin 
 amongst the rural population, a number of them are 
 given in a collective form to show a little of what has 
 occasionally occurred among the agricultural com- 
 munity in the past and present generations, as affect- 
 ing their habits and manners ; and as contrasting with 
 the rapid transition now taking place in the education 
 and acquirements of that class by the general spread 
 of information. 
 
 THE EFFECT OF UNBELIEF. 
 
 The old aphorism that the buyer ought not to be 
 ignorant of anything the seller knows is too seldom 
 acted upon. 
 
 A Quaker standing in the fair, with a milk cow for 
 sale, was asked by a farmer if she gave much milk ? 
 " Yes, friend ; but thou seest the milk goes in at the 
 mouth." John took this to mean that she would milk 
 well if fed well. Eventually a bargain was struck. 
 Next week the Quaker met with John exposing the 
 cow for sale in another market, and exclaimed, " What, 
 tired of thy cow already, friend?" "Ey, d— n her, 
 she sooks her sel." "Well, friend, I told thee the 
 milk went in at the mouth, but thou would not believe 
 me."
 
 Anecdotes of the Farm. 223 
 
 SLORPING. 
 
 A CENTURY ago, many sets of farm buildings consisted 
 of oblong blocks adjoining the farm yards. The dwell- 
 ing at one end of the block was separated from the 
 out buildings by a covered passage. There was an 
 inner door opening out of the passage into the kitchen 
 or living room, and another on the opposite side into 
 the byre ; and the passage was a common thorough- 
 fare for men and dogs, horses, cattle, wheelbarrow, 
 poultry, &c. It occurred one morning, at a house of 
 this description, near Wigton, that one of the farmer's 
 sons was endeavouring, unsuccessfully, to conduct a 
 mare and young foal through the passage while the 
 father was labouring at his porridge and milk in the 
 kitchen, and making a very audible noise in the act 
 of clearing the spoon of its contents. The foal would 
 not enter the passage and the mare refused to go with- 
 out it. The son called out, " Slorp easy, fadder. 
 T'meer kens tha, bit t' fwoal dizzent." No doubt the 
 foal would gain courage when the noise ceased. 
 
 MERITED DISGRACE. 
 
 Joseph Sibson, when farming at Canonby Hall, placed 
 great confidence in the indications of his barometer. 
 On retiring to bed one night during hay time, he 
 remarked that they would be able to take in a great 
 quantity of dry hay next day as the mercury was 
 rising. 
 
 Next morning rain was fahing plentifully. In his 
 passion he took down his weatherglass, and spitefully 
 threw it on the midden — " Thou's a leer, and I'll hev 
 nea leers about my house."
 
 224 Cwnbriana. 
 
 WATER STRONGER THAN RUM. 
 
 The same Joseph Sibson was as staunch a teetotaller 
 all his long life as any in this professed age of 
 abstainers. 
 
 One day while exhibiting his grain, noted for excel- 
 lence, in Cockermouth market, a neighbour offered to 
 treat him with a glass of rum, saying it would strengthen 
 him. " Nay, nay," says Joe, " I'll hae nin on't ; my 
 coald water's stranger nor thy rum.'' They parted 
 and met no more that day till Joe was driving home- 
 wards, about a mile out of Cockermouth, when his 
 neighbour staggered out from the hedge-side and asked 
 to be allowed to ride home in the cart. " Ey," says 
 Joe, "and I'll help thee to get in. I telt thee my 
 coald water was stranger nor thy rum, and thou sees 
 I can gang heamm without help, and thou cannot." 
 
 "BODDERMENTS" OF FARMING. 
 
 Illustrative of the low scale of intellect possessed by 
 some (fortunately few) of the Cumberland peasantry, 
 and of the imperfect knowledge of their duties by 
 others who bargain to be paid for what they know 
 they cannot perform, and of the difficulty and trials of 
 patience a master has to experience in training such 
 lubbers, the following may be recorded : — 
 
 The late Mr. R. Jefferson, of Cunningarth, hired 
 two men from Bewcastle, on the same day, as com- 
 petent ploughmen. On the first morning after enter- 
 ing service, they were sent, each with a pair of horses, 
 to plough. The head man followed soon after to see 
 how things went on, and met one of the men return- 
 ing with his horses. " Well, Tom, what's the matter.? "
 
 Anecdotes of the Farm. 225 
 
 " O Wully ! " said the ploughman, " the plugh ran into 
 the grun', and the horses couldna poo her oot ageann." 
 The bolt of the plough bridle had slipped out, and the 
 ignoramus had fixed it in the bridle beioza the beam, 
 giving the plough such hold of the ground that, had 
 the horses been strong enough, they must have drawn 
 the plough bodily into the earth ! After getting this 
 team into working order, the bailiff observed some zig- 
 zag movements going on with the other ploughman. 
 He was amused with the blunders of the first, but a 
 sight of the second tried his patience very hard, and 
 caused him to remark sharply — " Now, Alic, you're 
 making queer work." The apologetic remark was, 
 " Weel, ^\'ully, the plugh grippit the grun' better i' the 
 mwornin ner she diz the noo." On examination, the 
 sock or share had come off, and the blunderer number 
 two had never missed it, but was scratching away 
 under an impression that something must be wrong ; 
 as he did not know what ailed the plough, he perse- 
 vered in the idea that if the work went on he might 
 be right in the end. Such are part of the " bodder- 
 ments " of farming. 
 
 Another instance may be quoted. Mr. Jefferson, 
 of Preston Hows, had a lad from the workhouse as 
 servant. The lad had been pretty well drilled in the 
 rudiments of education ; but his ignorance of the ways 
 of the world, and of common things around him, was 
 more than might be expected even from the limited 
 experience of workhouse life. One day the chief 
 business of the farm was carting manure to a distant 
 field, and having had some little training on the farm, 
 the lad's job was to meet and exchange the laden and 
 empty carts on the road, that is, to '' lead between." 
 Mr. J. saw him safely out of the yard with a full cart, 
 and followed in a few minutes to see what progress 
 was being made in the field. He had not gone far 
 
 Q
 
 226 Cwnbriana. 
 
 when he met the lad whisthng leisurely homewards 
 with his hands in his pockets, without any signs of 
 hurry or alarm. No inquiry was made and no expla- 
 nation given, until the lad came close up to the 
 master and quietly said, " Please, master, Beauty's 
 tottled over." He had left the mare and cart, heels 
 uppermost, in the dyke gutter, and it did not occur to 
 him that haste was necessary to have the poor animal 
 relieved. This lad's good humour and innocent ways 
 were often amusing, but sometimes of a costly nature 
 to the master. 
 
 A TENANT'S GOODWILL. 
 
 A Cumberland landowner had a deaf tenant in 
 arrears with his rent. The tenant came in high glee, 
 saying he had come to pay all he owed. 
 
 Landlord — " I am very glad of it John, but they 
 tell me you have been selling straw from off my pro- 
 perty, which you had no right to do." 
 
 John — Putting his hand behind his ear — " Haye?" 
 
 Landlord (loudly) — "They tell me you sell straw 
 off the farm." 
 
 John, after some difficulty in understanding what 
 his landlord meant, or in framing his answer, said, 
 " Sell strea ! Ey, I wad sell yan o' t' fields, landlord, 
 rayder ner you sud gang widout yer rent." 
 
 BUILDING WITHOUT A PLAN. 
 
 A ROUGH-AND-READY oue was Jonathan Sewell. He 
 was set to making a haystack when living at Stockhow 
 Hall ; and WiUiam Fearon, who had been some years
 
 Anecdotes of the Farm. 227 
 
 a sailor, was ordered to fork the hay to him. When 
 the stack was rather more than half built, down it 
 came and Jonathan with it. Foaming with rage and 
 sputtering tobacco on all sides, Jonathan roared out, 
 " D — n tha, Will, cuddent thou ha' telt ma t' stack 
 was cumman down ?" Very coolly and sarcastically 
 Fearon replied, "Jonathan, if thou had told me what 
 thou intended to do I could have told thee long since, 
 but no man in England could guess thou was building 
 a haystack." 
 
 In Jonathan's day, money transactions frequently 
 took place without security or even written memoran- 
 dum, and repudiation was scarcely known. He lent 
 a few pounds to a neighbour who fell into difficulties. 
 On asking for payment, he was told he had got all he 
 was likely to get. " Than I'll gi' tha a resale," and 
 knocked him down. 
 
 PROFIT OR LOSS? 
 
 A FARMER having indulged too long at Wigton 
 market, was returning homeward sleeping in his cart. 
 He was met by a wag who unloosed the horse 
 and drove it towards home, leaving the unconscious 
 sleeper in his cart by the wayside. Awaking some- 
 time after, he rubbed his eyes, scratched his ears, and 
 thus logically addressed himself : " If aa be the real 
 John Thompson, I've lost a horse and a set of car 
 gear. If aa's not the real John Thompson, I've fund 
 a car and a basket o' marketin." 
 
 A PEDIGREE. 
 
 Mr. Troutbeck used to tell a story of a neighbour 
 who took a bull, and not of the best, to Penrith fair
 
 228 Cumbriana. 
 
 for sale, which had been reared because of the milk- 
 ing qualities of its dam. When quizzed for a pedi- 
 gree, well knowing the ungainly figures of both sire 
 and dam, he replied, "He hed a fadder I'se warrant 
 ye, and for a mudder, presarve us o'." 
 
 MORE HASTY THAN DISCREET. 
 
 A farmer's wife, on entering her dairy, found a cat 
 sitting on the rim of her well-filled cream pot busily 
 lapping the cream. More hasty than discreet, she 
 struck at the cat and toppled it head over heels into 
 the cream, saying, " How likes ta that by lickin' o' 
 cream ? " It is not recorded how the cream was after- 
 wards used, but the saying got current and is often 
 used in the west of the county. 
 
 TWITCH OR FIORIN? 
 
 The late J. C. Curwen, M.P., was once lecturing to 
 his tenant farmers on the high feeding properties of 
 Fiorin Grass introduced and so much praised by Dr. 
 Richardson. He handed round a sample for inspec- 
 tion, when Walter Wood, the shrewd old Scotch 
 banker, came into the assembly room, and asked to 
 look at the grass. After eyeing it over he handed it 
 back, and to the great amusement of the farmers said, 
 "It's just twutch, Maister Curran, and d — d bad 
 twutch tue." Few durst speak so freely to the M.P., 
 but old Walter was a Galloway man and thought to 
 be a man of money, so was privileged.
 
 Anecdotes of tJie Farm. 229 
 
 WILFUL WASTE. 
 
 A WELL-TO-DO farmer of an economic turn was invited 
 by the late William Blamire, Esq., M.P., to dine with 
 him at Thackwood Nook. The man was seated next 
 his landlord, and after other substantials, was helped 
 to pudding. Before he was well aware, Mr. Blamire 
 poured a glass of wine over the pudding on John's 
 plate. This was an act which John could not recon- 
 cile with his ideas of saving, and he exclaimed, " Nay, 
 ding, landlord, but this is fair extravagance. " 
 
 FELL versus FIELD. 
 
 An old lady at Caldbeck was in the habit of using 
 mutton of her own feeding, for when the sheep were 
 fed in the fields the mutton was too fat for her, and 
 when fed on the fell it was too lean. In order to 
 have it duly mixed, the sheep were changed each 
 alternate week from field to fell, and from fell to field. 
 When killing time came the lean predominated, 
 and she wonderingly exclaimed, " Whea wad ha' 
 thought it ! t' fell 's bang't t' fields ! " 
 
 HORSE DEALING. 
 
 A FARMER near Brampton bought a mare from a 
 Quaker, who spoke highly, but guardedly, of her good 
 qualities. Amongst other inquiries, the farmer asked 
 if the mare would draw ? " Friend," was the reply, 
 "it would delight thee to see her draw." 
 
 The buyer would indeed have been delighted to see 
 her draw, for she entirely refused it.
 
 230 Cumbriana. 
 
 UTILISING THE BULL. 
 
 Capt. John Tickell had been a strict disciplinarian 
 when in command of a vessel at sea; and when he 
 went to reside on his estate of Brighouse, in the Vale 
 of St. John's, he continued his dislike to keeping idle 
 hands or idle cattle. He said horses worked, and 
 cows gave milk, but the bull was more of a gentleman 
 than even the pigs or himself, and was not so good 
 eating as the pig at the last. Carr>'ing out this idea, 
 he ordered his men to harness the bull and yoke him 
 to a cart, and he should be made to work for a main- 
 tenance. The bull was untrained for work and soon 
 broke away ; and after galloping about the field with 
 the cart sometimes on its wheels, but oftener on its 
 side or bottom uppermost, he plunged into a deep 
 pool in the river. Being much hampered with the 
 gear and the cart dragging among the large stones in 
 deep water, the animal would have been drowned if 
 the men had not rushed into the water and cut the 
 harness, at no little risk to themselves from the frantic 
 exertions of the bull to free himself The Captain 
 looking on, said he now believed the bull was not 
 made to work in the cart, and did not try him again. 
 
 TEACHING MANNERS TO THE PIGS. 
 
 Capt. Tickell kept a great many pigs of various ages 
 in the same yard, and, observing the strong animals to 
 get the best share of the food given to them, said he 
 would teach the big brutes manners. He gave orders 
 for potatoes to be boiled and given entire To the pigs 
 whilst hot from the boiler. As usual, the older swine
 
 Anecdotes of the Farm. 231 
 
 rushed in and shouldered the young ones to a side. 
 Each of the old ones seized a potato in its mouth and 
 ran to the outside of the crowd ; but finding a 
 hot mouthful, on crushing the potato, he would drop 
 it and run in for a cooler one ; and then the smaller 
 pigs fed on what the larger ones brought for them, 
 ready crushed and cooled. 
 
 His attempts to teach manners to the herd did not 
 succeed well ; for occasionally hot potatoes were 
 swallowed, causing inflammation and death to some 
 of his largest and best swine. 
 
 DEVIL JACK. 
 
 At the time this sobriquet was obtained Jack was a 
 raw lad acting for his mother who had a farm. 
 
 He was offering butter for sale in the market, having 
 a shrewd guess it was deficient in weight. Observing 
 the weighing ofticers approaching, and while others 
 might be thrusting pennies or half-pennies into their 
 pounds of butter, he, more thriftily, quietly slipped 
 into a shop and squeezed his pounds into shapeless 
 lumps, and went out to take his chance in the market 
 again. On returning home the old woman inquired 
 how he had got through with his butter. " Wey, 
 mudder," he said, " when t' weighers com aa squeezt 
 it up, and when they axt if aa selt it i' punds — nay, sez 
 I, my mudder's lost t' weights and aa sell 't i' lumps 
 and dozzels." — " Thou is a divel. Jack, wi' thy lumps 
 and dozzels." 
 
 A DAY DREAM. 
 
 A TENANT on an extensive farm belonging to the late 
 Sir Wilfred Lawson, Bart., dealt largely in sheep, and
 
 2^2 Ciinibriaiia. 
 
 made frequent bargains both at home and at various 
 markets. One day, armed with bill hook and mittens, 
 he was busy repairing a hedge. A heavy shower 
 coming on, he sat dovyn under the shelter of a bush 
 and indulged in his day dream of selling a lot of sheep. 
 One of his men servants was sheltering, unknown to 
 his master, and near enough to hear the one-sided 
 dialogue of a hard bargain going on. The bargain 
 began to draw to a close, and the man heard his 
 master say, " Here thou sal hae them." Immediately 
 after he heard the sound of a sharp stroke, and his 
 master uttered a loud oath. Fearing some ill, the 
 man started up and found his master had closed the 
 imaginary contract by nearly chopping off the fingers 
 of his left hand with the bill hook. 
 
 IT IS GOOD TO BE THANKFUL. 
 
 About the year 1800, James Lacklinson, who lived at 
 the High in Moresby, was walking in one of his fields 
 among whins and briars, when he stumbled forwards 
 and fell across the mouth of an old unprotected coal- 
 pit, grown over with briars. Fortunately, his length 
 of six feet four inches stretched across the narrow 
 mouth of the pit, and saved his life. In his constant 
 family worship the grateful man used devoutly to 
 thank God for making him so tall, or he would have 
 come to a sad end. 
 
 CAT IN CREAM POT. 
 
 Mr. Birkett, of Penrith, had a property at Lazonby, 
 and went there occasionally to shoot. On one occa-
 
 il 
 
 Anecdotes of the Farm. 233 
 
 sion, after a good day's sport, the farmer's wife set a 
 nice looking pie before him. Exercise had whetted 
 his appetite, and on finishing his hearty meal, he said 
 it was the best pie he had ever tasted. The good 
 wife was pleased with the compliment, and said, 
 Well, you see, Mr. Birkett, we hed a bit of a mis- 
 fortune. Our thief of a yellow cat fell into t' kurn, 
 and v\^e niver knew till we com to tak t' butter out, 
 and t' cat was kurnt to deeth, peer thing ! We could'nt 
 sell t' butter, seah we meadd it into pie crusts." 
 
 A PERFECT CURE. 
 
 A LONG time ago Frank Graham came from Bewcastle 
 to reside at Caldbeck. He kept a sow and allowed 
 her to maintain herself as best she could. She soon 
 took to invading the property of others, had especial 
 delight in rooting up potatoes when they were to be 
 had, and had learned to lift a neighbour's gate off the 
 crooks with her nose, and to indulge in her favourite 
 feast, many times a day, without shame or compunc- 
 tion. The owner of the field, grown tired of this, 
 went to Frank in great wrath and threatened an 
 action. Frank, in reply, says, " Wully, dinna put 
 yer-sel in a passion about the puir beast, she's no to 
 bleame. It's yer oald bad yett that's no fit to turn a 
 sookin' pig." "Wey mebby," says Willy, "t' yatt's 
 nut a good un, but she's nea business theer. It's nut 
 a quarter of an hour sin I put her out. and gev her a 
 good yarkin, and now she's been in ageann. She mun 
 hev a verra bad memory." " I ken nought about her 
 memory, Wully, but I ken she's the maist forgiven 
 beast alive, and bears nea malice, and that shews a 
 guid disposition." Willy turned away an unbeliever,
 
 234 Cumbriana. 
 
 and nailed bits of an old scythe along the bottom rail 
 of the gate ; in less than an hour after the sow was 
 minus the end of her nose — having herself cut it off 
 in her attempt to lift the gate. 
 
 This gave rise to a common saying at Caldbeck, that 
 such a person "bears no more malice than Frank 
 Graham's sow." 
 
 LING BESOiMS. 
 
 The late Mr. Joseph Roberts, of Egremont, who 
 farmed high, had a field on his Marlborough farm 
 which grew little but heather, and tliat only weak, but 
 he top-dressed it heavily with famiyard manure. The 
 late Mr. James INIiller, also a good farmer in his way, 
 could not conceive the utility of such an extravagant 
 application upon what he called only moor land, and 
 exclaimed to a friend, " Zooks lad ! aa doont know 
 what farmin's gaan to git tull next. Yonder Joe 
 Roberts muckin his field for ling besoms." But the 
 muck did its duty, and never another ling besom was 
 got from that field. 
 
 THE RAID ON THE CAULDRON. 
 
 The late Laird Stalker, of Lambfield, near Dalston. 
 was a Avorthy man, of very large size, and somewhat 
 eccentric as well as humorous. He claimed descent 
 from William of Wykeham. 
 
 He went annually to the northern fares to purchase 
 sheep for winter stock. Before railways were in use 
 he travelled by mail and on one occasion went with a 
 number of his Dalston and other neighbours to one of
 
 Anecdotes of the Farm. 235 
 
 these fairs. The time of the mail had lately been 
 accelerated to ten miles an hour, with no stoppages 
 for refreshment. Mr. Stalker was noted for his healthy 
 appetite, and was unprepared for a ten hours' fast, so 
 he watched his opportunity while the horses were 
 being changed at a farm house, where he noticed a 
 cauldron boiling in a cellar, and dived down to in- 
 spect its contents. He whips off the lid and found it 
 full of fine potatoes ready for use. Without a mo- 
 ment's hesitation he filled both his large hands with 
 the roots and ran for the coach. To relieve his hands 
 from the heat, he pitched the potatoes to the roof and 
 began to ascend, when a brawny bare-legged girl ran 
 out and seized the tails of his coat, screaming — 
 " Hegh ! haud him ! hand the muckle southron ! he's 
 grabbit twa nievfu' o' the pig taties an' aa wush they 
 may choke him." He managed to scramble to his 
 seat and the mail started, leaving the guardian of the 
 cellar to witness him and his friends enjoying the raid 
 on the cauldron. 
 
 VERY LIKELY. 
 
 A LAD, returning from an agricultural show with a 
 horse he had been exhibiting, was asked if he had got 
 a prize. " Nay," he replied, " I've gitten nought, but 
 iverybody said if our maister had been t' judge, I wud 
 hae gitten t' heed prize." 
 
 NEW WEIGHTS AND MEASURES. 
 
 People may occasionally be put to extraordinary shifts, 
 but, generally speaking, where there is a will there is 
 a way.
 
 236 Cumbriana. 
 
 The late John Cook, of Middletown, had sold some 
 seed oats and soon after met the purchaser who told 
 him the corn was short of the weight bargained for. 
 John very innocently replied, " You see we isn't seah 
 varra weel otf for weights at our house ; we hev yaa 
 fifty-six, and we hev a cobble and a lump of a car 
 wheel 'at we know t' weight on ; and than we put in 
 t' sarvent lad. But I've just bethought me 'at t' lad 
 had been badly for about three week, and mappen 
 he'd lost a bit o' weight ; seah I mun send ye a bow- 
 sterful to mak't up." 
 
 In times gone by it Avas no uncommon thing to see 
 incongruous weights of the above description, with 
 the exception of the lad. 
 
 Cobbles were in great use, and many had rings let 
 in and were marked 7 or 14, &c.; and other singular 
 devices were resorted to which the Inspector has now 
 set aside. 
 
 MEMORANDUMS OF OLD TIMES. 
 In Mid- County Dialed. 
 
 Fwok tells of oald times — sek good oald times, 
 They hed when they were o' young ; 
 
 And niver sek times sen them oald times, 
 Was read on, or hard on, or sung. 
 
 I' winter time when t' weather was coald, 
 
 They hardly stirr't out o' t' neuk ; 
 Bit to fetch in a trugful o' peats 'cross t' foald, 
 
 And sledder about and smeuk.
 
 Anecdotes oj the Farm. 237 
 
 They wad thresh a bit, mebby, and fodder their kye, 
 
 And poo a lock out o' t' hay mew ; 
 And at neet after milkin', and supper put bye, 
 
 Mak swills, or wad card skin woo. 
 
 Or mappen wad beetle a carlin sark, 
 
 On t' beetlin' steann at t' door ; 
 Or plet a few strings o' hemp efter dark, 
 
 Or caper about on t' clay floor. 
 
 A carlin sark, new, was rumplement gear, 
 
 To wear next a maisterman's skin ; 
 So he lent it to t' sarvent to beetle an' wear, 
 
 By way of a brekkin in. 
 
 T' oald fwok were drist in duffel blue, 
 And t' youngsters in hekmm-spun grey ; 
 
 And nowder were often ower clean or new- 
 Bit darn't frae day to day. 
 
 And o' wad hev brackins or strea in their clogs, 
 
 Or stickin' ower t' edge o' their shun ; 
 And wad clammer up t' fell, or striddle through bogs : 
 
 Od, man ! but this was laal fun. 
 
 And still you believe they were rare oald times. 
 
 Far better nor any 'at 's now ; 
 So I'll put summat down in canteran rhymes, 
 
 And than you may judge if its true. 
 
 Their habit o' leevin was poddish at mworn, 
 
 And taties and point at neunn ; 
 To let thersels down wi' tea they wad scworn, 
 
 So they poduish't at eebnin seunn.
 
 238 Cwnbriana. 
 
 They kilt a fat cow at Martinmas time, 
 
 And quartert wi' neighbours three ; 
 And except at Kersmas or clippin' time, 
 
 Fray flesh they wer nar about free ; 
 
 Unless it was bacon, o' reesty and smeuk, 
 
 And kizzent and dry't Hke a sneck ; 
 Till if it fell down on ta t' flags off t' heuk, 
 
 It wad ring like a pot, or med brek. 
 
 And than they wad frizzel 't in t' sotteran pan, 
 
 And fry't till as brown as a peat ; 
 And conny laal bits wad be gien to ilk yan 
 
 On truncheons, to girn at and eat. 
 
 Their bread was clap-keakk, meadd o' barley meal. 
 
 Or hard havver bannock so thick ; 
 Their cheese wad rowl down a fell side like a wheel, — 
 
 Mappen hack't it to bits Avid a pick. 
 
 For drink wid their dinner, they'd sour milk or whey, 
 
 Or else, for a treat, treacle beer ; 
 And if any indulg'd in ought better, they say, 
 
 ' Twad be talk't on for nar on a year. 
 
 And o' fare't alike — beath maister and man, 
 
 In eatin' and drinkin' or wark ; 
 They turn'd out at morn and togidder began, 
 
 Aiid left off togidder at dark. 
 
 o^ 
 
 And thur was their ways in them oalden times, 
 (For evidence stark we can bring ; 
 
 That'll testify Strang to t' truth o' my rhymes,) 
 When George the Third was king.
 
 Anecdotes of the Farm. 239 
 
 Nowder oald man nor young wearr beard or moustache, 
 
 Bit they warn't slape feasst ebn than ; 
 For atween two Sundays they niver wad fash, 
 
 And afoor church-time they began 
 
 At week-oald beard to hassel and hack 
 
 Wid razor as blunt as a saw ; 
 If ya side gat off theer was nea gitten back 
 
 Till tudder was stubbelt an' o'. 
 
 Bit theer two sides to this, as to measst other things, 
 And it's fair 'at they beath sud be known ; 
 
 Aa'll jingle a bit (while t' rest on ye sings,) 
 And set it o' down as my oan. 
 
 And month efter month for a heall year lang. 
 
 To tell ye how o' things went ; 
 Aa'll bodder my brains for a kind of a sang, 
 
 And mebby may send it to prent. 
 
 JANUARY. 
 
 Kersenmas turn'd, and some feastin' gaan on, 
 
 Fwok up leatt at neet and sair tue't 
 To git till o' t' furthneets, and hevvin to don 
 
 Two sets o' duds, and they rue't. 
 
 For they say next Kersmas is far off to fetch, 
 
 And now-for't or niver, is thought ; 
 They kevvel and swing, and dance ledder-te-spetch, 
 
 And royster and swatter like ought.
 
 240 Ctimhriana. 
 
 They feast on roast beef, and on raised geliss pyes, 
 And giblet, and mince pie, and sweet ; 
 
 And many good things — Lampkigh puddin',* for bye, 
 Smooks on a broad teable that neet. 
 
 They woken next mwornin and iind ther-sels queer, 
 
 And o' out o' sworts for hard work ; 
 Bit Kersmas comes nobbet yance in a year, 
 
 And measst on 't is kent efter dark. 
 
 Wi' snow a feutt thick — -mebby clean out o' cwols, 
 " Keaa fetch a pack-leadd on a horse ; 
 
 " Pick t' best rwoad ther is, and mind keep out o' t' whols, 
 " Lest thou torfor on t' moor and 's a corse. 
 
 " If lang at t' cwol greuv thou's to wait for thy bout, 
 " Or it's mist, or thou's thrown into neet ; 
 
 " Thou mun put up a shout and we'll raise a turn out, 
 " And on t' foald yat will hing out a leet." f 
 
 FEBRUARY. 
 
 Now down wid a buryin skin onta t' leath floor, 
 
 And thresh a lock bigg for a batch ; 
 To t' deetin hill carry't, but forter't afoor. 
 
 Than throw't up for breezes to catch. 
 
 Some wheat mun be cree't for a frummety dish. 
 In t' creein trough, 'back o' t' leath door ; 
 
 A piggin o' that wid a bit o' sote fish, 
 Maks a dinner for rich or for poor. 
 
 * Lamplugh pudding consists of a large bowl of hot ale with biscuits 
 steeped in it, all well spiced. 
 
 \ Often in use before commons were enclosed, or roads were made.
 
 Anecdotes of tJic Farm. 241 
 
 Now fit up a pillion for maister and deamm, 
 
 To hotch off to t' town amang t' rest ; 
 Top cwoat till his heels — she at startin' frae heamm, 
 
 In starch cap, wi' lugs, for her best. 
 
 For debts sud be paid, and credits brought in, 
 (This was seldom but yeance in a year ;) 
 
 And at Cannelmas time they meadd a girt din, 
 Ower payin' and scrapin' up geer. 
 
 Now set t' parish prentice to cardin' o' avoo. 
 
 To keep him at heamm efter dark ; 
 Theer scutchin' o' line for men fwok to do. 
 
 For that's mair a man-body's wark. 
 
 And woman-fwok, they mun be whirran t' woo wheel, 
 
 Or spinnin' a web frae their lint ; 
 Or plyin' their teuls — their rock and their reel, 
 
 And singin' o' t' while without stint. 
 
 It's canny to hear o' so cheery gang on 
 Of a neet when it storms and it blows ; 
 
 For whatever's outside, wid a good fire on. 
 It's a comfort inside yan weel knows. 
 
 Some on a lang back't settle are sittin'. 
 
 Some choose a steuU wi' three legs ; 
 Or a sheepform, and yan may be knittin', 
 
 Another at sowan she pegs. 
 
 MARCH. 
 
 Now out wid a heamm-meadd roan-tree plue, 
 
 Wid ironin' scanty eneuft"; 
 Lait up strea braff' ms — reapp traces enue, 
 
 And see 'at they're o' draft prelifif.
 
 242 Cumbriana. . 
 
 Next yok in o' lang-horn't owsen two pair, 
 
 Two lang-tailed horses unshod ; 
 Co't' plue-hodder, plue-co'ers — two or three mair, 
 
 Wi' speadd, and wi' pettle, and prod. 
 
 Now t' bullocks nit yok't sen plue-time last year, 
 
 His horses out-liggan, and lean, 
 And kaim'tly — and t' trappins o' flimsily gear, 
 
 And t' ley fur stark as t' town green. 
 
 "Jeehop and away, my lads," t' plue-hodder sings. 
 
 And they striddle and start for a try ; 
 A cobble flings t' plue out, and "wo-oy," he rings, 
 
 And his team is n't wont to comply. 
 
 He gangs on a bit and he sticks in ageann. 
 
 And mebby gits on to t' land end ; 
 And turns and gangs yark on another girt steann. 
 
 And fin'ds 'at his team duzzent mend ; 
 
 For yan is coald shoudert ; another is tetch't ; 
 
 And some poos as hard as they can ; 
 And t' co'ers hes use't up o' t' patience they fetch't. 
 
 And nit mickle better is t' man ! 
 
 He roars and he sweers, and yarks wi' his cwords, 
 
 And he scops at his drivers wi' clods ; 
 They whack wi' their yedders — shout uncanny words — 
 
 He batters away wi' hard sods. 
 
 Now t' oxen gits kysty and kevels about. 
 
 Gets legs ower t' traces and o' ; 
 His hoaf-brokken horses seunn kick thersels out, 
 
 And poos him by t' neck,* gayly low. 
 
 * It was the custom for the ploughman to wear the guiding cords in one 
 piece, the middle being behind his neck, that he might not drop the cords 
 whilst his hands were engaged in holding the stilts and throwing sods at his 
 team.
 
 Anecdotes of the Farm. 243 
 
 A plue-coer lad is amang t' bullock feet, 
 
 Two lasses rin skirlan heamm; 
 T' curs fo' to barkan and baitan out-reet, 
 
 Na wonder if some git a leanim. 
 
 For sek a tow-lowe, and sek crashin' about, 
 
 Sek capers o' bullocks and men ; 
 Med set them to yope and to yernestly shout, 
 
 They wad niver plue mair wi' t' langieii.'^ 
 
 Then heamm to cow't Iword and het piggins o' keall 
 
 O' masselton pez o' dark grey ; 
 Wi' groats and round haver-meal stir't — sek a meall 
 
 Was nit to be hed ivery day. 
 
 And snug may they mak ther sels round a hearth fire, 
 While t' wind roars and brullies outside ; 
 
 And sleet brings down t'chimla seut-drops thick as mire. 
 And they couldn't keep't out if they try'd. 
 
 Bit storms o' git ower and whietness comes. 
 And mishaps may selinn be forgitten ; 
 
 Efter sleepin' o' neet as sound like as drums, 
 A new job for mworn mun be bitten. 
 
 And now for pwok-mittens on dinnellan hands, 
 
 And dykin' mittens and swatch ; 
 To mend up some gaps round plewin' lands. 
 
 And walk spots, and creep-whols to patch. 
 
 APRIL. 
 
 When frost gits away, theer haver to sow, 
 
 And a heedlin' o' hemp or line ; 
 And mebby a lock mair in t' hempgarth an o' 
 
 For winter-neet wark to plet twine. 
 
 * The set out consisted of ten individuals without the dogs.
 
 244 Cmnbriaiia. 
 
 Now muck's to be cary't in hots and in creels, 
 
 To cover some scraps of oald land ; 
 In side-back fields whoar cars on clog wheels, 
 
 Wad hardly be seaff to stand. 
 
 A smo' lock o' taties will hev to be set, 
 
 In lazy-bed fashion I trow ; 
 Nea miss or disease hed than to be met. 
 
 For e'en t' varra peelins wad grow. 
 
 Bit peelin' o' taties was thought a girt sham, 
 And t' prentice was setten to scrapin' ; 
 
 Nea doubt he thought scrapin' was nought bit a " bam," 
 And was laid onta him as a snapin', 
 
 Than he wad git drowsy, and noddle and scrape, 
 
 As an unpaid prentice wad dee ; 
 His knife and his tatie wad seun git so slape, 
 
 They wad rowl out o' hand off his knee. 
 
 And than for a clout ower t' lug, or a skelp, 
 That he thought nowder music nor rhyme ; 
 
 For he was install'd as a farmer's help. 
 In that far away good oald time. 
 
 MAY. 
 
 Now lambin' time's on, beath in April and May, 
 Now up seun aud leart, or o' neet ; 
 
 To suckle laal starvelins by neet and by day, 
 And see them get on to their feet. 
 
 If yance they git milk and can wander about. 
 They care not for frost nor for snow ; 
 
 For it's plenty o' suckle 'at gars them git stout — 
 'J'o skip, and to lowp, and to grow.
 
 Anecdotes of the Farm. _ 245 
 
 No cleanin' o' land, nor pickin' o' weeds, 
 
 Let iv'ry thing prosper 'et can \ 
 For o' plants were sent us to ripen their seeds, 
 
 And mak ther sels useful to man. 
 
 Dry thissels mak capital eldin for t' fire, 
 
 And dockin stalks narly as good ; 
 For hettin a yub'm or beddin' a byer, 
 
 Seah thought our fworelders — they dud ! 
 
 And t' mother o' girse was that lang reutit twitch,* 
 Girt plenty they grew — dunnot doubt it ; 
 
 If any amang them was keen to grow rich, 
 They niver could mannish without it. 
 
 And cleet-leaves for smokin' in black scutty pipes, 
 
 Wid bacca a varra smo' matter ; 
 Wad raise a girt reek, when a sup o' yal swipes 
 
 Or smo' beer wad help a smo' chatter. 
 
 That wish-weshy tea now so mickle in use, 
 
 (Co' it " spend-time " or " trash " for you may ;) 
 
 Was a treat for our girt fwoks, and nit for abuse, 
 By usin' it three times a day. 
 
 JUNE. 
 
 While girsins is bare efter lambs and their yowes, 
 
 Milk kye hes n't mickle to eat ; 
 Than croppins of esh mun be foddert on t' howes, 
 
 To give to t" oald milkers a treat. 
 
 * The use of the feather of the sock was abolished lest it should cut and 
 destroy the roots of ihe twitch or couch grass.
 
 246 Ctimbriana. 
 
 Now joggan to market on butter-kits two, 
 
 And basket wi' garn and eggs 
 Packt seaff in a wallet o' drab stripe and blue, 
 
 And slung onder beutt-stockin't legs 
 
 Waggan lowse widout stirrups astride of a pad. 
 And hotchan through swang and through syke ; 
 
 Plodan away on a cwornless yad, 
 Cross t' moor widout rwoad or dyke. 
 
 No dinner, no nought, bit three hoperth o' yal, 
 
 And horse in a foald at sneck hay ; 
 Scrapan and seavvan t' days takkins nar heall, 
 
 And — map'm gang swober away. 
 
 Now grund up a flay-speadd to cut toppin peat, 
 Wid lang spekdd for black peats forbye ; 
 
 And spreed them weel out, to git wind and sun heat. 
 And stirr them sometimes till they dry. 
 
 Than hey for good spwort when comes peat leadin' time, 
 
 And gittan them sekff into stack ; 
 For wet-weather peatin' wad spoil any rhyme, 
 
 And poverty bring on its back. 
 
 JULY. 
 
 Now gedder in t' sheep and wesh them in t' dem. 
 And swing them and sop them in t' watter ; 
 
 If a waik an sud torfer it's nobbet t' oald gem (game), 
 And mebby it's nea girt matter. 
 
 Sek bleatin' o' lambs, and sek barkin' o' dogs, 
 
 Sek jybin' and jwokin' o' men ; 
 Sek clat'rin' o' lads in their oald cokert clogs, 
 
 Sek drinkin' o' whisky. Amen !
 
 Anecdotes of the Farm. 247 
 
 Let sheep run a fortneet and than comes on clippin', 
 
 And bleatin', and fleecin' o' woo ; 
 They submit, without whimper, to tying and strippin', 
 
 And feel leetsome they hardly know how. 
 
 Sek a ged'rin' o' clippers and helpers and that, 
 
 Sek elbows, and clinkin' o' shears ; 
 Sek sweatin', sek crackin' o' dogs, and o' what 
 
 An income some woo-buyer clears. 
 
 Now clippin' o' done, comes weshin' o' hands 
 
 And kestin' off scoggers and brats ; 
 A fleece is hung up on a powl in t' lang-lands, 
 
 To be run for without shun or hats. 
 
 The prize is awarded, to feastin' they wend. 
 
 At a plain but a plentiful spreed ; 
 On broad pewder dishes, weel lekdden at t' end. 
 
 Wood trunchers off whilk they can feed. 
 
 Next out wid a punch bowl, and yal i' girt plenty, 
 
 Wi' horns and glasses to drink frae ; 
 And piggins, and mugs, bit nought varra dainty, 
 
 And nought 'at a clipper need shrink frae. 
 
 Than a whyat laal crack for about hoaf an hour. 
 And a buzz — seun to rise till a chang ; 
 
 Than somebody knattles on t' teable befoor 
 He says, " Lads, you mun join in my sang." 
 
 * " Here's a good health to the man o' this house, 
 " The man o' this house, the man o' this house ; 
 
 " Here's a good health to the man o' this house, 
 " For he is a right honest man. 
 
 ^S" 
 
 * A very old clipping song The guests in turn obey the commands of the 
 third and last verse, and if the glass is not emptied by the end of the refrain, 
 the penalty is enforced a second time. And if a man was desirous to get 
 quickly drunk, he would incur the penalty till his end was accomplished.
 
 248 Ciimbriana. 
 
 *' And he that doth this health deny, 
 
 " Before his face I justify [or just defy] \ 
 
 " Right in his face this glass shall fiy, 
 " So let this health go round. 
 
 "Place the canny cup to your chin, 
 
 " Open your mouth and let liquor run in ; 
 
 "The more you drink the fuller your skin, 
 " So let this health go round." 
 
 Than " O good ale thou art my darlin'," 
 
 And t' shepherds' " Tarry woo ; " 
 " The Raven and the Rock Starlin'," 
 
 And many a ringer too. 
 
 And than they depart in good humour and peace, 
 
 To hekmm for a few hours' sleep ; 
 While clippins' hod on their labours weent cease. 
 
 They mun rise wid mwornin's first peep, 
 
 To help a good neighbour at his merry meetin', 
 
 A hekll country side to employ ; 
 In housin' and clippin' wi' much friendly greetin', 
 
 For clippin's are meetin's o' joy. 
 
 AUGUST. 
 
 Now mowers can't work through t' middle o' t' day, 
 
 For t' bitin' o' clegs, and for heat; 
 So they snoozle some hours on t' new gitten hay. 
 
 And mak't up by workan at neet. 
 
 Till t' glowworm leets up, than to blanket they stakker 
 To snatch a laal sleep, and then rise ; [chatter,) 
 
 And at it (while t' white-throats in t' dykes cherr and 
 And whittle-te-whet their lang scythes.
 
 Anecdotes of the Faun. 249 
 
 Than skalin' and turnin' wi' fork and wi' reakk, 
 
 And skewin' t' about to dry ; 
 And cockin', and brekkin', for good hay to nie^kk, 
 
 And rake into plat forbye. 
 
 Neist dress up in trusses and tye wid a re^pp, 
 
 Or cram, if it's short, into sheet ; 
 For if it be windy a part med esceilpp, 
 
 And waste a girt lock afoor neet. ^ 
 
 Than up wi't on horseback and loup on ahint, 
 And away to t' leatth door in a crack ; 
 
 Hitch't off onta t' peazz, and about, sharp as flint, 
 And gallop like mad o' t' way back. 
 
 Now t' main weight o' t' hay crop sudd be geddert in, 
 
 And t' fag end '11 follow in time ; 
 Theer still a few slaggarts to saunter ahin', 
 
 And niver wi' t' foormest can shine. 
 
 Bit no idle time need be spent on a farm. 
 
 If a man's nobbet mind it to work ; 
 He may pettle about, keepin' o' things frae harm. 
 
 And at it frae mwornin' till murk. 
 
 And if he sud slack for a day or for two. 
 He's seaff to find summat geann wrang ; 
 
 And then he mun fettle and be in a stew, 
 And find his sel double-ly thrang. 
 
 His reuf may want patchin', and he out o' thack, 
 He may out onta t' moor and poo ling ; 
 
 Or bring in a burden o' seaves on his back, 
 For strea's ower costly a thing.
 
 25© Cumbriana. 
 
 SEPTEMBER. 
 
 Now shearin', and bin-din', and stookin' is rife, 
 
 And workin' frae dayleet till dark ; 
 Ey, workin' as if they were workin' for life, 
 
 As hard as they fairly can yark. 
 
 Beatth maister and men wear beards a week oald, 
 And shave, if they've time, at t' week end ; 
 
 They mun stick to their sickles be 't het or be 't coald, 
 Nor straight their backs out of a bend. 
 
 Harvest gets endit like meast other things, 
 
 And kern-supper follows as sure ; 
 A thanksgiving feast contentment still brings. 
 
 If a morsel be spared to the poor. 
 
 Than hey ! for thick bannocks and rich butter sops, 
 
 Wid iv'ry thing dainty and nice ; 
 T' maister says, " Fettle tee, lads, we've good crops," 
 
 And neabody needs preezin' twice. 
 
 To piggins o' frummety [barley and milk]. 
 
 And bannocks and butter to follow ; 
 And sops so smeath 'at they slip down like silk, 
 
 They bang watter poddish clean hollow. 
 
 Than t' breet pewder dishes begin to leuk howe. 
 And mickle mair cannot weel spend ; [powe, 
 
 And youngsters '11 stritch their arms — some scrat their 
 Ilk yan o' them full to t' thropple end.
 
 Anecdotes of the Farm. 251 
 
 Harvest o' finish't and o' sydit up, 
 
 Theer steepin' o' hemp and o' line ; 
 And bleachin' 't on grass, clear o' wet, ev'ry sup, 
 
 Than house it for makkin o' twine. 
 
 Tak a pwok up to t' fell when neist thou may gang, 
 
 And efter thou's fund t' sheep o' reet ; 
 Pyke some ore out — thou'll find in t' rock grykes amang, 
 
 To smit t' wedder sheep wid at neet. 
 
 OCTOBER. 
 
 Now barns sud be sent to a Whittlegeat man,* 
 
 (As hay time and harvest is ower,) 
 To larn them to read, write, and count — if he can. 
 
 Or else they'll be daft as a stower. 
 
 Their skeulin '11 come to some money by t' spring, 
 At a penny a week for ilk heed ; [string 
 
 T' maister's clogs and kelt cwoat they'll mannish to 
 Into t' Poor Beuk — famish good thing. 
 
 Now settin' o' tar, and soavin' o' sheep, 
 
 Taks up some time and some labour ; 
 Efter sixteen hours sittin', a soaver may creep 
 
 Off to bed and nit visit his nabor. 
 
 Bit o' mayn't be whyet at times like this. 
 
 And befwore o' t' soavin' is done ; 
 A set o' good soavers wad grummel to miss 
 
 Their lang-used jwokin' and fun. 
 
 * This custom became extinct in 1862, at Wasdalehead.
 
 2 5 2 Cwnbriaiia. 
 
 They tire o' lang sittin', and lang for a reass, 
 
 Or a lark, or a moonleet russle ; 
 And many a youngan gits larn't a fast peass, 
 
 Or a conquerin' chip in a tussle. 
 
 Now soavin' nar through and swortin' o' sheep, 
 
 A deal of odd things are to side ; 
 And lang kidney taties to fork up and keep, 
 
 For taty and point to provide. 
 
 For in times we co' good, in them oald-warld days, 
 When they'd plenty wi' pinchin' gay hard ; 
 
 In scrattin' and seavvin' up o' waifs and strays, 
 They niver durst play a wrang card. 
 
 Now kye grows uneasy for want o' some fog, 
 Through hazel and wythe they'll rush ; 
 
 Then lekdd them wi' clammers, and cow beam, and clog. 
 You cannot depend on a bush, 
 
 Nor a thorn, nor an oald clog-wheel in a gap, 
 Nor a teuthless oald harrow in t' dyke ; 
 
 And t' bull sud be biggelt or he'll in full slap, 
 And care not a wink for dog " Tyke." 
 
 NOVEMBER. 
 
 Now t' kye o' ty't up wi' wooden D bands, 
 ^^And t' coaves ty't wi' plettit hemp string; 
 T' woman-fwok poos them hay wi' their hands. 
 And nurses them through till spring.
 
 Anecdotes of the Farm. 253 
 
 T' young fwoks '11 gang till a cannel-seave syke, 
 
 And pick a shaft" strangans for leets ; 
 Than hotter to heamm, through bog and wet dyke, 
 
 To peel them and dip them at' neets. 
 
 They turn in at neets wi' their clogs o' skarn, 
 And clean them a bit yance in a week ; 
 
 They'd rayder spin hanks o' rough sheep-langel gam, 
 And mak t' woo-wheel to whirr and to squeak. 
 
 As threshin' time's here, we fit up a flail, 
 Wi' handstaif, and soople' and cappin ; 
 
 And hingin', and hing it on t' wo' on a nail, 
 Till wantit for threshin' and wappin'. 
 
 Martinmas endit and teram time done, 
 
 In a laal bit o' huntin' what harm 
 If yan steal off some mworn for a good day's run, 
 
 While t' weather's just canny and warm ? 
 
 Than up and be off for a day-brek quest, 
 
 Wid a merry and lively chang ; 
 It thrills through yan's brisket as if yan was blest 
 
 Wid good things, and niver ought wrang. 
 
 Harkaway ! see she's off! o'er hill and through whol 
 
 We spank till we're gaily nar done ; 
 Than hingan a lip like a motherless fwol, 
 
 Sledder hekmmward, but nit in a run. 
 
 And next down wi' t' listers and out wid a lowe, 
 
 And away into t' beck efter dark ; 
 A salmon or two will be welcome I trow, 
 
 Tho' listerin's canny coald wark.
 
 254 Cumbriana. 
 
 A cut o' dry't salmon's a teastily thing, 
 When flesh meat cannot be hed ; 
 
 It's a savory change and will appetite bring, 
 For poddish and taties and bread. 
 
 DECEMBER. 
 
 They dress up some wots for a melder o' meal, 
 
 And dry't in a kiln in t' kiln croft ; 
 Than to t' bond-sucken mill tak't to oald Robin Peel, 
 
 And a man mun keep watch at t' mill toft 
 
 To stiddy his mouter-dish — help him to sift it, 
 
 And see it's o' tidily done ; 
 And gedder up offal, and hekmmward to skift it, 
 
 And hev sooins as sure as a gun. 
 
 Fwok ree's a lock -wheat in a sieve, if they hev't. 
 
 And tJiat was their deetin' machine ; 
 Or they teuk't onta t' deetin' hill, whither they gev't 
 
 O' t' wind they could gedder on t' green. 
 
 A masselton batch will be sent off to t' mill, 
 
 For Sunday and Kersenmas breed ; 
 And for pies, a laal pwok o' some bettermer still. 
 
 For that's thought a varra good deed. 
 
 They've havver meal poddish ; and havver meal breed, 
 
 As thin as a sixpence they rowl't ; 
 They bekkk't on a girdle ; and onta t' wo' heed, 
 
 T' rattans on t' rannel tree, bold
 
 Anecdotes of the Fann. 255 
 
 Wad slyly leuk down, watchan o' 'at they dee, 
 
 And waitin' impatient for neet ; 
 When they pop down as seun as o's whyet they see, 
 
 To clean up t' strow't meal for their treat. 
 
 And now you've a swatch o' them good oald days, 
 
 'At fwok brags on as hevvin lang sen ; 
 And you know summat now o' their wark and their ways. 
 
 Wad ye swap eb'm hands, good men ? 
 
 CROSSYAT'S BOGGLE. 
 
 i^Lainplugh) zvJiich always fore-set folk. 
 
 Tom Speddy 'd been on at a Club-neet at' Cross, 
 
 Whoar he drank and he hakkert and sang ; 
 Till it soundit as if he was singan through moss, 
 And than towarts heamm he wad gang. 
 
 Now Tom in his cups, 
 
 Efter three or four sups, 
 
 Or pints as they co' them. 
 
 By neam we o' know them, 
 Was as bold as a lang-horn't bull ; 
 
 And was riddy to feight 
 
 Any man of his weight, 
 
 Or a feut mair height, 
 (He'd hed many hard whacks on his skull.) 
 
 Bit a few pints mair 
 
 Teuk his courage down sair, 
 And then he was nobbet like other fwok ; 
 And at startin' frae t' Cross he bethought o' t' skeul beck, 
 Whoar a girt white boggle, without heed or neck, 
 Was said in oald times to sair bother fwok. 
 Seah Tom set to thinkin', and thought narly reet, 
 It was nin varra canny if boddert that neet,
 
 256 Qnnbriana. 
 
 Wid a thing he could nowder mak end-lang nor side on't, 
 And at last he considert to keep gaily wide on't. 
 He could hardly walk street 
 In that fine summer neet, 
 So down by Murton Whol he stakkert, 
 
 To gang a mile about, 
 And muttert tuU his sel and hakkert, 
 
 Fairly clear o' doubt 
 Or fear of any evil thing ; 
 
 And as he wandert on his way, 
 Just about to try to sing, 
 
 To keep his spirits frae decay, 
 And gittan on to Crossyat's beck, 
 
 A white thing flash t his een across, 
 And sat and screecht on t' Avatter heck, 
 
 And pot Tom fairly till a loss ; 
 For up it gat and flew ageann, 
 And let awhile on t' wo' end steann, 
 And than it screecht, and hisst, and skirlt, 
 As round his heed it whuft and whirlt, 
 Ilk way he turn't it still foorset him, 
 As if to heamm it waddent let him 
 
 Gang that neet. 
 And than it flasht up in a tree — 
 (That girt oald esh so broad and hee 
 
 And thick and street, 
 At Crossyat's neuk it stood and grew, 
 And into it this boggle flew), 
 And hovert ower a pyet nest ; 
 And as Tom's courage it would test, 
 A screech it gave bangt o' the rest ! 
 
 Wi' sek a hissin' up that tree. 
 
 By witch, or warse, or warlocks three, 
 
 Or hagworms any quantity ! 
 
 Tom fear't if they war o' set free 
 
 That down and at him they wad be ;
 
 Anecdotes of the Far in. 257 
 
 And than beside him, nar his feet, 
 Sek awful greans that awful neet ! 
 They gar't his varra skin to creep, 
 
 And caused his steps to plet and vary ; 
 He wisht he'd been at heamni asleep 
 
 In t' Bird Dyke loft beside oald Mary. 
 His seet was mebby nit so clear 
 As it had been some former year. 
 And what was that low liggan thear? 
 He thought it mun be summat whick, 
 For it appear't to fidge and kick ; 
 And than for sure, some irons rattelt, 
 As if ageann t' oald tree it battelt, 
 It put him in a mortal flay ! 
 He cuddent run — he dursent stay ; 
 For if it sud turn out oald Nick 
 Was gaan to play some impish trick, 
 When imps so many flapt about him, 
 They seaff wad catch, and scrat, and clout him. 
 Just than another thing foorset him 
 A man stark neakt com on and met him, 
 Neakt, but his sark and white beard lang ; 
 He seemt beatlh to' and broad and Strang. 
 Tom shakt and whiddert in his shun, 
 For he was lost, sure as a gun. 
 It's lang sen Tom gat sek a flay, 
 It fairly dreuv his drink away. 
 Bit seun he fand some smo' relief, 
 And mebby meddent come to grief, 
 For t' man was nobbet oald John Wood.* 
 That whietly beside him stood, 
 Seah Tom buckt up and axt him, '' What 
 " He thought o' sek a thing as that ? " 
 
 * A harmless lunatic, accustomed to wander about at night without any 
 covering but a shirt. While the West Pier was being built at Whitehaven 
 he occasionally went there in the night, and could report progress to one or 
 two who were in his confidence.
 
 258 Ctnnbriana. 
 
 Says John, '' It's drucken oald Scotch Jock.' 
 
 " Dust' say seah? Ey, it is begock." 
 
 And Jock it was, and ravan drunk, 
 
 Batteran at that esh tree trunk 
 
 Wid ham'r and trowan in ya hand 
 
 Jinglan ; yet he cuddent stand ; 
 
 Bit he could grunt, and rave, and greann. 
 
 And kick and strike at tree or steann ; 
 
 As mad as any mastiff dog 
 
 When worrying sheep, or lamb, or hog. 
 
 Now Tom gain't pluck and leukt around, 
 
 And seiin he larnt, that screechan sound 
 
 And hagworm-hiss abeiiu his heed 
 
 Sprang frae a hulert and her breed, 
 
 A hungry nestful up that tree, 
 
 And mebby nar as flayt as he. 
 
 He bad " good neet " to Murton John, 
 
 And left Scotch Jock to snoozle on. 
 
 Ageann he leukt, and seun he saw 
 
 Another white thing on a wo'. 
 
 Says Tom, " This is a flaysom neet, 
 
 " For turn whilk way I will, I meet 
 
 " Some gruntan thing or boggle white." 
 
 But Tom was gittan sober quite. 
 
 And went to see this new white thing, 
 
 And hakkert " Eh, eh, eh, by jing ! 
 
 " I thought it mud be summat queer, 
 
 " It's Jwony Braithet oald white meer, 
 
 " Just rais'd her heed on t' top o' t' wo'," 
 
 And that was t' last white thing Tom saw. 
 
 VERY UNFORGIVING. 
 
 A FARMFR on his deathbed was visited by a lady, to 
 whom he com])kiined that he had not been fairly
 
 Anecdotes of the Farm. 259 
 
 treated by many individuals, especially by his land- 
 lord, who, he alleged, had formerly, in some way or 
 other, caused him to lose forty pounds. The lady 
 expressed a hope that now he would forgive all who 
 might have injured him as he would hope to be for- 
 given, when he offered this compromise ; " I tell you 
 
 what ! I'll forgie them o' but N , but I'll not for- 
 
 gie him, nut widout he'll pay me my forty pund." 
 
 TAKING THINGS EASY. 
 
 An elderly farmer's wife stooping to feed some favour- 
 ite chickens was attacked in the rear by a mischievous 
 heifer, and knocked over without very much violence 
 or harm ; when a lad who witnessed the attack, and 
 rashly concluded that the result could not be other- 
 wise than fatal, rushed into the presence of her family 
 to break the bad news by exclaiming, " If you please, 
 t' mistress is kilt ; theer a cow dumpt her down, and 
 she's kilt." 
 
 CHANGE OF TIMES. 
 
 In the good old times of three or four generations 
 back, during the American war, an Eaglesfield farmer 
 took his butter to market, where it yielded the un- 
 precedented high price of three pence a pound. Re- 
 turning home in high feather, he assured a neighbour 
 that " it was n't sellan', it was fairly coinan' brass,"
 
 26o Cnnibriana. 
 
 MEASURING DISTANCE. 
 
 A FARMER, whose memory went back to the time 
 when nearly every village had its gate opening upon 
 the common at the end of the village, desiring to 
 express distance in a forcible manner, said, " It's as 
 far off as frae here to I^unnon fell veatt." 
 
 MOST ASSUREDLY. 
 
 The yeomen of Burgh-on-the-Sands, or, as they are 
 usually styled, the " Lairds o' Bruff Barony," were 
 noted for their elevated ideas of their own importance 
 and contempt for their less fortunate brethren who 
 Imppen not to own the soil they till. At a parish 
 meeting a large farmer venturing an observation was 
 immediately stopped with, " Thee sit down and hod 
 thy gob. What the de'il can thou know about it, 
 man ? What, thou hes nea land ! " 
 
 ALWAYS BEHIND. 
 
 An old woman said of her slow-going son, who was 
 remarkable for being behind hand in everything and 
 never to be found when wanted, '• Our John is just 
 like a cow tail, he's always ahint." 
 
 TYRANNICAL. 
 
 At a vestry meeting in the Western Division of the 
 county, a modest, but unfortunate shoemaker who
 
 Anecdotes of the Farm. 261 
 
 essayed a few remarks, had to retire into silence antl 
 obscurity by a stentorian voice calling out — "Thee 
 hod thy noise. Thou niaks shun o' rotten leddcr ! " 
 
 A STRANGE LOAD. 
 
 Two farmers differed on the subject of a heap of rub- 
 bish which one of them suggested that the other might 
 cart away. " Car't away ! car the divvel away ! " was 
 the reply. " Nay, nay," said the first, " if you car't 
 the divvel away,' what! t' parson wad hev nought to 
 dea." 
 
 ON AND OFF THE RANNEL BALK. 
 
 In the early part of the nineteenth century N 1 
 
 took a farm near Uldale, on which he went to reside. 
 He lent a cart saddle to a neighbour, and on a 
 winter Saturday night a servant was sent to return it. 
 
 I and his wife had not come home from Keswick 
 
 market when the man arrived, and, finding only the 
 servant girl, he stayed and chatted with her till they 
 were surprised by the rattle of the market cart coming 
 over the pavement and up to the door. The young 
 man was fairly in a trap for the house had only one 
 door and he could not set out without beino; discov- 
 ered and he did not relish that. With ready instinct 
 the girl handed him a stool and told him to get upon 
 the rannel balk in the open chimney and take the 
 saddle with him. This he accomplished while the 
 girl did her best to detain her mistress outside and the 
 master was unyoking and feeding the horse. By that
 
 262 Cunibriana. 
 
 time the marketing was brought in and tea was next 
 had near the fire. The young man on the balk was 
 amused with the dialogue at the tea-table, the more 
 so when he saw the farmer was a little elevated with 
 the Keswick ale and the good results of the market, 
 and when he arose from his chair saying he would 
 salute his wife with a kiss, the young man leaned a 
 little to one side to have a better view, when down he 
 tumbled, soot and saddle and all upon the hearth. In 
 no little astonishment the master called out, " Whoar 
 cuz thoo frae ? " " Aa'v' brought yer car saddle back 
 an' thank ye." 
 
 HORSE AND CART BREAKING. 
 
 A Graysouthen man described the doings of a young 
 horse during its first lesson in drawing a cart, and 
 said — " It seem't gaily whyet for a laal bit, bit it seunn 
 began to keavv an' shak t' heed on 't, and than it be- 
 gan to caper an' plunge, an' it leapp an' kick't an' swang 
 t' girt tail on 't, an' skew't sell on 't about till it brak 
 o' t' ranlin staps an splat yan o' t' car stangs, an' at 
 last of o' it brak t' car keel ! "
 
 Scraps of F?ui. 263 
 
 SCRAPS OF FUN PERTAINING 
 TO WIT. 
 
 When a parcel of jokes are put in print and investi- 
 gated it is rather surprising to find that so few are 
 the offspring of wit, and so many may be classed as 
 arising from blundering simplicity. But all have a 
 tendency to bring out in some degree the character 
 of the people among whom they originate. The line 
 of demarcation may not be easy to define in all cases, 
 but an approximation is attempted. 
 
 There are others which cannot be classed with 
 either the witty or the blundering, but must hold a 
 neutral, or at least a distinct position. Perhaps it 
 may be difficult to find real wit in some which are 
 introduced into this list ; but they will have a useful 
 tendency, if only to create a little amusement ; and, if 
 at any time they are the means of promoting a hearty 
 laugh, that act is so beneficial to so many tempera- 
 ments in this vale of dulness and sorrow, that its 
 healthful influence on the system is widely and almost 
 universally acknowledged. 
 
 TAILORING. 
 
 An ancestor of the Wybergh's, of Isel Hall, had a pair 
 of worsted cord pantaloons, so fashionable at the be-
 
 264 Cnmbriana. 
 
 ginning of the nineteenth centur}^ taken to him by 
 the tailor who waited to know if the fitting was right. 
 Mr. Wybergh, being a well-made man and very par- 
 ticular in having his clothes to fit well, complained of 
 some part about the hips not being satisfactory. The 
 tailor, who was a bit of a droll and knew his employer 
 relished a joke, drew his hand over the part objected 
 to, saying, " Mr. A\'yber aa meadd yer britches thinkin' 
 you war a round-built man, but aa finnd ye're square 
 built, and aa mun tak them he^mm and put guseets i' 
 them." 
 
 THE RULING PASSION. 
 
 The late Mr. Joshua Bird, of Armathwaite, was so ill 
 for a time that his life was despaired of; but eventu- 
 ally he recovered health and spirits. When beginning 
 to recruit, a friend called, inquired after his health, 
 and what he thought when so nearly gone. His jok- 
 ing humour had returned, and with no intentional 
 irreverence, he replied, " Ey, thou sees I was varra 
 nar gaan, and was rayder mayzelt, for I duddent ken 
 a fit o' t' rwoad." 
 
 When the same Mr. Bird, who was very bald, was 
 giving evidence at Carlisle Assizes, the eminent coun- 
 sel, Scarlett, afterwards Lord Abinger, was cross-ex- 
 amining him on a fishing case ; after some compli- 
 mentary questions on his knowledge of fishing, which 
 were calculated to lead him astray, he said he was 
 rather a pretty Bird, but could not be considered a 
 finished one, unless he had a toppin. Mr. Bird 
 quickly replied, " Ey, I'll be gaily nar finished when 
 I git a Scarlett toppin on." 
 
 The reply got him very quietly through his examina- 
 tion, with the laugh of the court in his favour.
 
 Scraps of Fun. 265 
 
 PASTURE FOR A COW. 
 
 The late Sir James Lowther was highly indignant 
 with the people of Whitehaven on one occasion, and 
 threatened to reduce the trade of the town till its 
 streets should grow green with grass. In the next 
 generation some of the townsmen became dissatisfied 
 with the doings of William Earl of Lonsdale, and pro- 
 phesied that the trade would go to ruin and the streets 
 grow green with grass. The late Mr. William Duggan, 
 a thriving Irish draper, was present, and instantly 
 bolted out, saying — "And bedad, then, I'll kape a 
 cow." 
 
 THE FIRST WORD. 
 
 When Distington Hall was built and newly roofed, 
 the rooms being cleared. Captain Fisher's gamekeeper 
 had the curiosity to look through the building. While 
 John (Young) was wandering and wondering at the 
 dimensions of one of the largest drawing-rooms in the 
 county, he unexpectedly encountered the Captain ; 
 and having some doubts of being welcome there, got 
 the first words and exclaimed, " Cush, maister ! what 
 a famish pleass for a pigeon shootin' ! " 
 
 A JUDGE'S JOKE. 
 
 A Whitehaven paper says, a witness was asked by a 
 deputy judge, '■' Did you go to the party yourself? " 
 Witness : " Yes, sir." Judge : "And what did he say 
 to you?" Witness : " He told me to go to h— 1, sir."
 
 266 Cnmbriana. 
 
 " And so," said the judge — quietly taking a pinch of 
 snuff — with a roguisli smile, " you came to the County 
 Court." 
 
 VERY LACONIC. 
 
 The late Dr. Dickinson, of Workington, attended the 
 late William Browne, Esq., of Tallantire Hall, for some 
 affection about the throat which required the use of 
 the lancet. When the proper time came, Mr. Browne 
 wrote him thus : " Dear Doctor, come and cut my 
 throat." 
 
 A LONG WAIT. 
 
 An Irishman is seldom short of a reply, either witty 
 or otherwise. In the neighbourhood of Penrith a 
 gentleman noticed an Irishman professing to feed a 
 goat from a deep jug, and observed to the man, " Pat, 
 I'm afraid your vessel is too deep for the goat." 
 " Oh, be jabers ! mebby yer honour's wrong there, son 
 His nose is too short, and he'll have long to wait till 
 it grows." 
 
 SHARP AND TRUE. 
 
 The late Mr. John Braithwaite, of Lamplugh, was an 
 inveterate rhymster. One day meeting a servant girl, 
 she asked if he would be pleased to let her hear one 
 of his rhymes. He walked on a few yards without 
 speaking — then turned and said, 
 
 "This warld's come to sek a pass, 
 Yan can't tell t' mistress frae t' sarvent lass."
 
 Scraps of Fan. 267 
 
 CAUTIONARY. 
 
 About the year 1820, when very narrow brimmed 
 hats were in fasliion, and gentlemen wore three or four 
 neckcloths at all seasons, a stranger was pacing before 
 the Globe Hotel, at Cockermouth, waiting the depar- 
 ture of the coach, and John Robinson, of Graysouthen, 
 was standing near, closely scanning the gentleman as 
 he strutted several times past the door in full feather. 
 Not liking to be so scrutinised, and being rather chafed 
 by the delay, he stopped before John and angrily 
 demanded why he stared so earnestly at him. John 
 quietly and readily answered, " I was just thinking 
 that if a girt pash o' rain was to fo', you wad tak in 
 watter varra fast about t' easin," — or under the eaves 
 of his hat. 
 
 WILLY WALKER, OF HACKTHORP. 
 
 Willy was walking near the side of the road when a 
 man came riding furiously behind him, and before 
 Willy could get out of the way he was thrown down 
 by the horse against the bank and laid flat on his 
 back, but not injured. Instead of scolding the man 
 he called loudly after him, " Is ta coming this way 
 back, thinks ta ? " 
 
 Willy thought he had better be going before the 
 man returned or he might be roughly tumbled a second 
 time. 
 
 PRETTY FAR NORTH. 
 
 Mr. North, of Uldale Hall, having stayed late one 
 night at Keswick, was returning by the toll gate at
 
 -68 CiLmbriana. 
 
 which he had paid on coming in the morning. He 
 found the gate closed, and no keeper visible. On 
 calling "gate" the man appeared in his night dress, 
 asking, "Who's there?" "Robert North, of Uldale 
 Hall," was the reply. The man then demanded two- 
 pence for toll, as twelve o'clock had struck. The pas- 
 senger remonstrated without effect, but paid the money 
 and rode off so far as to give the man time to get into 
 bed. Mr. North was fond of a joke, and being rather 
 nettled at having, as he thought, to pay twice in the 
 same day, returned and called "gate." The man 
 again asked, " AVho's tliere ? " " Robert North, of Ul- 
 dale Hall." This was several times repeated, till the 
 man grew angry and threw open the gate, saying, 
 "Robeit North may ride o' neet if he likes, and to 
 hell efter." Mr. North thinking he had enjoyed the 
 joke long enough, and given the man sufficient annoy- 
 ance, rode home. 
 
 MINE AND THINE. 
 
 The late Isaac D , of Whitehaven, went to buy 
 
 some fat cattle from Mark B , and to conciliate 
 
 him with a view to promote a bargain, took him a 
 quarter of a pound of smoking tobacco as a present. 
 Mark puffed away at the chimney corner and enjoyed 
 the treat, but no bargain could be effected. At length 
 Isaac requested him to hand over the paper of tobacco 
 that he might join him in a pipe, when Mark gnififly 
 replied, "Finnd thy oan bacca — this is mine." 
 
 DAFT JOE RIGG. 
 
 As an instance of the shrewdness which occasionally
 
 Scraps of Fun. 269 
 
 crops up among people of weak intellect the following 
 
 IS given 
 
 Joe Rigg, of Workington, an able-bodied pauper, 
 had often been sent to the Union Workhouse when in 
 want ; but the sweets of liberty were stronger, in his 
 idea, than the fear of want, and he had always left the 
 House after short sojourns, to tax his acquaintances 
 at home. He could read, and some one handed him 
 a list of the Workington Poor, wherein he read, 
 "Joseph Rigg, weak minded." "Weak minded! 
 What does that mean ? " he asked. " Daft," was the 
 answer. " Ey, but I was niver so daft as to work." 
 
 DETERMINED ON IT. 
 
 A YOUNG Graysouthen collier asked his mother's leave 
 to marry a young woman whom he named. The 
 mother advised him not to marry, saying he would 
 starve if he married, and there would be two of them, 
 and might be more. " Wey, mudder, two can starve 
 as weel as yan, and we'll dee 't." And they did, but 
 did not starve. 
 
 REBUKE AND REJOINDER. 
 
 A PREDECESSOR of the present Sir Wilfred Lawson, 
 Bart., M.P., some two or three generations ago, kept 
 a pack of hounds, and a droll character for a hunts- 
 man. He also had his ale brewed at home, and was 
 said to be rather sparing of malt. One morning the 
 master looked in on the man and snappishly said, 
 " What are you doing here, Tom ? Why don't you
 
 270 Cuvibriana. 
 
 turn out with the hounds ? " "I am warming some 
 ale, Sir Wilfred." " The devil's in the belly that won't 
 warm the ale," exclaimed the Baronet. " I say the 
 devil's in the ale that won't warm the belly," responded 
 Tom. He turned out with the hounds, soon after 
 overhearing the affair good-humouredly related to the 
 field, and was often quizzed on it afterwards. 
 
 MAD OR NOT MAD? 
 
 During a period when dogs were required to be 
 muzzled or chained to avoid hydrophobia, a well- 
 dressed youth of delicate appearance, and wearing a 
 respirator, stood looking at the pictures exhibited in 
 a printseller's window in Workington, when two or 
 three ragged boys came staring and wondering why 
 his mouth should be covered. After a little silence, 
 one of them, who thought he had solved the mystery, 
 took courage to express his opinion, saying, " Thou 
 bites." " No, I don't bite." " Wey, what ista muzzled 
 for, than ? " 
 
 POLITENESS UNDER DIFFICULTIES. 
 
 Some time ago a West Cumberland magnate on riding 
 out met a boy leading two calves — one in each hand, 
 and both tied to his girdle. The gentleman had been, 
 deservedly, accustomed to receive honours from all 
 who knew him, and prized the honours accorded by 
 his neighbours. The calves were frisky and the lad, 
 finding he could not pay his respects properly, pre- 
 tended to be so busy keeping his calves in order that
 
 Scraps of Fun. 271 
 
 he could not look up to see who was passing. On 
 seeing no signs of recognition, the Squire called out, 
 "Why don't you take off your hat to me, boy?" "If 
 you please, sir, if you'll hod teaa cofe, amess I will." 
 
 JOHN DRURY. 
 
 Many yet living in Whitehaven will remember a burly, 
 elderly man named John Drury. By the misconduct 
 of his wife John's mind had been thrown off its bal- 
 ance, and he was in the constant habit as he traversed 
 the streets of talking to himself in a rather loud tone 
 about his private grievances and wrongs. As this 
 became more marked the magistrates deemed it their 
 duty to have him before them to ascertain if it might 
 be proper to put a stop to his public eccentric doings. 
 One of them kindly suggested that he would be more 
 comfortable in the workhouse than in wandering about, 
 as some accident might happen to him, as he was evi- 
 dently a little beside himself. John sharply replied 
 that his mind was not disturbed in any way. Upon 
 this a magistrate asked, "Then what makes you talk 
 to yourself so much ? " 
 
 Casting a quick glance of his grey eye at his rever- 
 ence, John smartly replied — " Oh, I always, all my life, 
 liked to have a crack with a sensible man ! " John's 
 liberty was not interfered with. 
 
 LUXURY DEFINED. 
 
 A Graysouthen collier having taken too much beer, 
 fell over a roadside wall and injured himself, lying for 
 some time insensible. When rather come round he
 
 272 Cumbrtaiia. 
 
 was discovered by a comrade, and cried out, " O Kit, 
 I is bad, man ; git me a cvvol to lig my head on." 
 " Nay, nay, Jim, my lad, thear nea luxuries to be hed 
 heer." 
 
 A LEFT-HANDED READER. 
 
 Dorothy Lawrence, of Workington, received a letter 
 from her son who was on a long Aoyage at sea and had 
 not been heard of for many months. Being unable to 
 read, she took the letter among her acquaintances and 
 heard it read so often that she remembered it all. 
 Unwilling to be thought ignorant, she one day took 
 the letter to a friend and held it before her pretending 
 to read it. The friend noticed the position of the 
 letter, and said, " Dorsy, woman, thou hods t' letter 
 t' wrang side up ! " " Hod ty tongue, thou windy 
 feull. Duzzent thou know I'se left handit ? " 
 
 ARCHITECTURE. 
 
 A Workington gentleman went to a large old inn in 
 a neighbouring town for a night's lodging. The house, 
 as many are in Cumberland, had been enlarged by 
 adding some adjoining houses to it. It had sundry 
 lobbies and turnings, and the levels of the floors were 
 broken by two or three steps up or two or three down 
 in different parts. While the gentleman was being 
 conducted to his bedroom, he remarked the uneven 
 levels and many turnings, and inquired who was the 
 architect. The servant slyly repHed, " O sir ! they 
 built it first and architectit it efter."
 
 Scraps of Fun. 273 
 
 TIT FOR TAT. 
 
 A READY-witted Cumbrian perambulating the streets 
 of London, observed a large building which excited 
 his curiosity to know its name and uses, there being 
 no sign-board or name visible to him. The entrance 
 being open he walked in. He found an inner door 
 open and a solitary clerk sitting at his desk, and said, 
 "If you please, what div ye sell here?" "Logger- 
 heads," said the Cockney. " Wey, ye mun hev hed 
 a brisk trade for them, when you've nobbet yan left." 
 
 THE CHOLERA. 
 
 In 1832, the year of the first attack of cholera, the 
 wife of William Weir, of Workington (best known as 
 Fish Will) was seized with the disease and died ; and 
 Will was so ill that he was not expected to recover. 
 Nathan Walker, a joiner, was brought to prepare the 
 wife's coffin, and said, he "med as weel measure Will 
 an' o', as it would spare a journey, for Will was sure 
 to dee." Will was not so far gone but he heard and 
 remembered Nathan's remark after his recovery. After 
 a few years something went wrong with the joiner and 
 he hung himself, when Will was summoned on the 
 jury and said he was then quite satisfied— he had had 
 his revenge on Nathan. Nathan kept an inn and had 
 an eye to business to the last, for it was found he had 
 written in chalk in his bedroom — "Gury (jury) in my 
 house." 
 
 WILL AND THE CONSTABLE. 
 
 Fish Will being committed to prison for an a=^sault, 
 was started on the coach in custody of William Bell, 
 
 T
 
 274 Cwnbi'iana. 
 
 a parish constable. The prisoner had money in his 
 pocket, and knowing Bell's liking for drink, he treated 
 the constable so often on the way that the liquor took 
 effect, and Will seized the opportunity to abstract the 
 warrant from Bell's pocket. On reaching Carlisle, he 
 boldly conducted the drunken bailiff to the gaol, and 
 knocked for admittance. On the door being opened, 
 he steadied Bell within, produced the warrant, and 
 saying, " Se ye, I've brought him at last," out he walked 
 with his receipt, leaving Bell where he himself should 
 have been. 
 
 POPPY OR PUPPY? 
 
 The late Robert Elliot, gardener at Rosehill, was one 
 day supplying a party of visitors with cut flowers, when 
 one of the younger gentlemen called out in a super- 
 cilious manner — " Elliot, cut me a flower." " Would 
 you like a poppy, sir ? " was the dry response of the 
 old Scot, to the great amusement of the other guests. 
 
 BITTER-SWEET. 
 
 When J. C. Curwen, Esq., took to farming he grew 
 large crops of mangold-wurzel, a plant that few here 
 had ever seen. A lady visitor, admiring the large red 
 roots, asked him what they were. "Mangold-wurzel, 
 mam." "What do they taste like?" "They are 
 bitter-sweet, like matrimony." 
 
 SAMMY ROOK. 
 iV LAzy, idle fellow, who was fond of dress and good
 
 Scraps of h^uu. 275 
 
 living, and who, from being an inveterate smoker, had 
 earned for himself the sobriquet of" Smeuky" Graham, 
 once asked Sammy if lie could make a rhyme about 
 him. The question elicited the following prophetic 
 impromptu couplet : — 
 
 •' Thou cleads thy back, and pangs thy weamm, 
 But mark the end of ' Smeuky Greamm.' " 
 
 Graham eventually became a pauper. 
 
 TOM FOOL O' MUNCASTER. 
 
 In an age when it was the fashion both at court and 
 elsewhere for the higher families to keep a household 
 fool for the amusement of their visitors and them- 
 selves, the Lord of Muncaster had a noted one, who, 
 like many a better fellow, was apt to resent an insult 
 when he thought it was carried too far. 
 
 During those days when each feudal lord held juris- 
 diction over his manors, evil deeds were done and 
 punished or passed over at the will of the lord. 
 
 Tom was a favourite with his master, and one hot 
 day he found the castle joiner in his workshop taking 
 a nap after dinner, with his head resting on a block of 
 wood for a pillow. Calling to mind the many instances 
 of the joiner having made more sport of him than was 
 agreeable, he took an axe and chopped off the joiner's 
 head, hiding it among the shavings. He then capered 
 into the hall in great glee, saying — " When the joiner 
 wakes he will have some trouble to find his head." 
 It is said of that far-off time, that a good joiner was 
 easier to find than a good fool, and Tom's exploit was 
 overlooked. 
 
 Among the numerous visitors who met at Aluncaster
 
 276 Cumbriana. 
 
 Castle in Tom's day, was a gentleman blessed with a 
 large nose, who plagued Tom unmercifully. Tom 
 thought it prudent not to come the joiner over a 
 gentleman, but he was at no loss for revenge, and one 
 morning spread an offensive substance on the top rail 
 of the stair leading from the gentleman's room. In 
 coming down stairs the visitor drew his hand along 
 the anointed rail, and found himself the victim of a 
 dirty trick. An immediate and angry inquiry was 
 made as to who the delinquent was, but no one would 
 admit knowing anything of the matter. " It must be 
 the fool you keep," said the indignant gentleman ; so 
 Tom was brought forward and asked if he put the dirt 
 on the stair rail ? " Yes," said Tom, " but the man 
 with the big nose had a hand in it." 
 
 ROB O' THE SHOP. 
 
 " Rob o' the Shop," as a clever and comical black- 
 smith of one of the north-eastern parishes was usually 
 called, had a liking for a ramble among his customers 
 when their accounts became due. He also had a 
 liking for a good glass of whisky. His friends knew 
 his failing and were careful to serve him with as small 
 a measure as decency would permit ; but the hospi- 
 tality of the district would not allow the omission of 
 the treat. At one of his calls the good woman was 
 so thoughtful of his good as to stint his customary 
 glass to the very lowest limit. On receiving it he 
 turned it first to one side and then to the other, and, 
 as his sayings were often witty and always in good 
 humour, he remarked — " Ay mistress ! ye sartenly 
 think aa hae varra thick lips ; for a fellow wi' thin 'ans 
 could niver reach down to sook this drop up."
 
 Miscellaneous Anecdotes. 277 
 
 MISCELLANEOUS ANECDOTES. 
 
 BURYING AN IRISHMAN. 
 
 Before the days of the new Poor Law, an overseer 
 of Carlisle had so many entries charged in his books 
 for " burying an Irishman " that the ratepayers began 
 to doubt the correctness of the accounts. On these 
 items being disposed of, a saying got abroad in the 
 city that when a charge was suspected it must have 
 been for " burying an Irishman." 
 
 A FRIEND INDEED. 
 
 The late Mr. W M , of Whitehaven, related 
 
 a story of being awakened one night by his wife, who 
 thought she heard a strange noise in or about the room, 
 with — "William, didst thou hear anything?" "No, 
 Mary; what is it?" "Thou must get up, William, 
 and find out what it is." He got up, and struck a 
 light in time to see a pair of feet and legs, and then 
 the rest of a man, sooty enough of course, come down 
 
 the chimney. In some astonishment, Mr. M said, 
 
 "Friend, what does thou want here?" "Oh, Mr. 
 
 M , I do beg a thousand pardons. I've come 
 
 down the wrong chimney to see my sweetheart. Please 
 
 let me go quietly out." Mr. M conducted him 
 
 quietly out, with, " Now, go thy way, and come no 
 more here."
 
 278 Cumbj'iaiia. 
 
 GOING TO DIE. 
 
 John Stamper, a bachelor farmer, near Penrith, fell 
 into reduced circumstances and took lodgings with 
 Bella Ellison. His misfortunes preyed upon his mind 
 and he fancied he was going to die, but was generally 
 ready for his victuals. One day he told Bella, in a 
 feeble voice, he was sure he was near his end and she 
 might call in some neighbours to see him die. Bella 
 was a good nurse in her way, and of more honesty 
 than civility. She tried to persuade John he was 
 strong enough to live over winter and come out in the 
 spring, and she thought it better not to make fools of 
 their kind neighbours, as he " wad dee nin that time." 
 John sprang up in his bed and roared out in a strong 
 voice, " If thou duzzent gang, Bella, I'll gang mysel, 
 and tell them seah ! " 
 
 On another occasion he fancied himself very weak 
 and must die ; when Bella, not in the best of humours, 
 struck in with, " Wey, set a time and keep't than, for 
 you're still gaan to dee and niver does dee." 
 
 NO LAW FOR DONKEYS. 
 
 A LOTTERY for a donkey and some smaller prizes came 
 off at Penrith, when Tommy Bradshaw, labourer, drew 
 the head prize. By some cajolery the concocters of 
 the lottery got the drawing upset and re-drawn when 
 Tommy was not the winner. In great anger Tommy 
 applied to the leading solicitor to prosecute the parties 
 for the recovery of his prize. The man of law was 
 highly amused at the request, and searched, or pre- 
 tended to search, a great many law books without sue-
 
 Miscellaneoics Anecdotes. 279 
 
 cess, and finally dismissed Tommy, saying, with great 
 seriousness, " There was really no law for donkeys." 
 
 Tommy was often quizzed and asked if Mr. J 
 
 was going to do anything for him, and seemed as 
 much delighted as if he had got his prize, saying, 
 
 " Mr. J telt me theer was nea law for a donkey, 
 
 but if it hed been a horse he wad ha' warm't them." 
 
 A CROCODILE. 
 
 A Workington solicitor relates the following as hav- 
 ing taken place in his office : — 
 
 Client — " Mr. T , wad you tell me summat 
 
 about this will ? It hez a crocodil til't." 
 
 Sol. — "A what, my good woman?" 
 
 Client — "Wey a crocodil. You see, sir, I mebby 
 doon't tell ye t' reet neamm on't, but it's summat at t' 
 end on't." 
 
 Sol.—" Oh, I see ! It is a codicil." 
 
 Client. — " Ey, that's it awivver." 
 
 PORTRAIT PAINTING. 
 
 " Never mind the likeness ; make us a nice picture," 
 was the instruction given by a young lady at Cocker- 
 mouth to Sammy Crosthwaite, the portrait painter. 
 
 O' MAKS. 
 
 Different versions of this story are given, and with- 
 out vouching for the correctness of any, the following 
 will be found as near the truth as any of them.
 
 28o Cunibriana. 
 
 A certain judge recruiting his spent energies among 
 the pleasant Cumberland vales, and, sauntering along 
 the banks of a noted trout stream, came suddenly into 
 close proximity with a countryman plying the craft of 
 angler. The man was so intent on his occupation 
 that he did not look up to see who accosted him with, 
 " What kind of fish do you angle for here ? " " O' 
 maks," (all kinds) was the prompt reply; and the 
 judge walked on, after asking if they were good eat- 
 ing, and being answered with — " Ey, t' best in Eng- 
 land." On going to his hotel the judge ordered din- 
 ner ; and, willing to perpetuate the joke, asked if he 
 could have some of the fish called o' maks, that a man 
 he had passed was angling for. The puzzled land- 
 lady declared she did not know any fish of that name, 
 but would ask her husband who was just coming in 
 from fishing. The man was sent in, and was not a 
 little confounded on finding he was required to give a 
 more explicit answer to the judge's first inquir}'-, but 
 got out of it by saying, he " fished for o' maks, but 
 hed gitten nea mak but yan, and they were varra fine 
 trouts." With some amusement at the man's in- 
 genuity, a dish of trout was ordered to be cooked, 
 and enjoyed accordingly. 
 
 THE SILVER BUCKLES. 
 
 At the time when silver buckles were worn as shoe- 
 fasteners, a girl who had procured a pair v/ent to a 
 party with her new buckles on, and to her great dis- 
 appointment no one noticed them. At length, being 
 seated near the fire, she put her feet upon the fender 
 by v/ay of courting observation. Still no notice seemed 
 to be taken of them ; but, determined on another
 
 Miscellaneous Aneedotes. 281 
 
 effort, she said, drawing her feet hastily back, " Silver 
 buckles mun be het things!" A general laugh was 
 the only result of her persevering vanity. 
 
 LIFT ME GENTLY. 
 
 A SCULPTOR and architect in Carlisle was successful 
 in business, but gave way to drinking. On one occa- 
 sion he was found by some weavers, late in the even- 
 ing, extended on the footpath, and drunk. They were 
 about to assist him to rise ; but he, recognising one 
 whom he knew, called out, "Hands off! I'll not be 
 lifted by a lot of weavers." They left him, and were 
 succeeded by two well-dressed men who volunteered 
 their help. The drunken man could make out that 
 the two were more respectable in appearance than the 
 weavers, and accepted their aid, saying, " Lift me 
 gently, my good fellows, I'm a ten thousand pound 
 man." 
 
 SAMMY ROOK. 
 
 In the early part of the nineteenth century, Wigton 
 possessed an eccentric character named Sammy Rook, 
 who was Jack-of all-trades, — bricklayer, painter, fisher- 
 man, rhymster, &c. \ and when work was scarce he 
 had an extraordinary genius for making two jobs out 
 of one. He was once employed by the landlady of 
 the Lion and the Lamb Inn to paint her signboard. 
 He asked if she w^ould go to the expense of a chain 
 for the lion, but she thought it quite unnecessary, 
 moreover the cost would be less. Sammy resorted to 
 the oft-told expedient of using only water colours for
 
 282 Ciunbriana. 
 
 the lion ; consequently after a stormy night the animal 
 was nowhere. The lady in distress went to Sammy's 
 door and called out, "Sammy, t' lion's run away." 
 " Aa telt ye seah, and ye waddent let me chain him. 
 A wild beast sud olas be tied up." 
 
 Sammy was more fortunate than Selathiel Court and 
 others under similar circumstances, for he got the job 
 of chaining the lion. 
 
 On another occasion Sammy was employed to set a 
 grate for an old woman, who cautioned him especially 
 to give it plenty of draught. When the work was 
 finished a fire was ht, and the old woman put her knit- 
 ting down on the hob and went to the door to see the 
 smoke ascend, when Sammy surreptitiously threw the 
 knitting out of the window. The woman thinking it 
 had been drawn up the chimney, exclaimed, " Loavin 
 days, Sammy, ye've gien it ower mickle draft, yan can 
 tmst nought on 't hud for't. It wad draw t' teapot up 
 t* chimlay, and ye mun poo't down and set it ower 
 ageann." 
 
 Sammy once set a grate %vith black peats and mor- 
 tar in order to get another job. 
 
 Old Mr. I.ightfoot, an attorney, who was of a busy, 
 meddlesome turn, and no favourite of Sammy's, was 
 once passing over Wiza bridge when Sam was plying 
 his rod in the stream. " Well, Samuel, what are you 
 fishing for there ? " Sammy had a stammering in his 
 speech, and repHed, "d — d — d deevils." "Indeed! 
 those must be curious fish. What do you bait with ? " 
 " T — t — t — turneys," was Sam's reply. 
 
 DITTO. 
 
 At a vestry meeting of the ratepayers of the township 
 of Hensingham, the accounts were being read over,
 
 Miscellaneous Anecdotes. 283 
 
 and the word " ditto " having occurred a number of 
 times among the disbursements, a person present re- 
 marked that he now knew the cause of the rates being 
 so high, — " It's them d — d dittos. Cannot we do 
 with fewer of timn ? " 
 
 OLD MOSES. 
 
 Before the establishment of rural foot-postmen, Moses 
 Jenkinson travelled as daily messenger between Cocker- 
 mouth and Eaglesfield. One day he had a bridal cap 
 to take to Eaglesfield, and to carry it safely without 
 crushing its ornaments he very considerately took the 
 strings in his teeth, and walked the three miles with it 
 dangling over his breast. Moses was an elderly man 
 and chewed tobacco, as was then the fashion. When 
 he took charge of the cap he forgot to take out his 
 quid. Still he was careful of his treasure, and tried to 
 spit over it as he walked. On delivery it was found, 
 to his horror and the dismay of the bride, so much 
 besmeared with tobacco juice as to be totally unfit for 
 the high occasion. In deep sorrow Moses says, " Wey, 
 wey, I dud' o' I could, and who could dea mair ! " 
 
 BETTY WILSON AT CHURCH. 
 
 A NEWSPAPER paragraph of 1867 stated, that a decent 
 looking country-woman, with two children, walked into 
 a church near Penrith, one Sunday morning, just in 
 time to hear the clergyman give out the text, "Jesus 
 I know, and Paul I know, but who are ye ? " In great 
 amazement the woman said, " Wya, Sir, I's Betty
 
 284 Cuinhriana. 
 
 Wilson frae Langsleddale, an' this is awer Tommy, an' 
 this is awer lile Mary, an' we's gangan to see my 
 brother Jwony ; an' I thawt I'd just step in an' see 
 what ye war aa makkan here." 
 
 I DINNA KEN MY AIN HOUSE. 
 
 CuTHBERT Hall, an old resident in Workington, was 
 originally from Newcastle, who brought and retained 
 his provincial dialect ; also a propensity to occasion- 
 ally get drunk. In one of his excesses he lost his 
 reckoning of locality, and applied to a brother collier 
 from the same quarter, whom he met, to get the infor- 
 mation. " Aa say, man ; div ye ken whoa Cuddy 
 Haa leevs ? " " Wey, smash mey brains if ye aa' n't 
 Cuddy Haa yer sel, man ! " " Aa ken thaat weel, bit 
 aa divent ken whoa he leevs." 
 
 READY CONSOLATION. 
 
 A Mr. H died at Workington a few years ago, 
 
 and his widow, as in duty bound, lamented him very 
 much, until a neighbouring woman went in to condole 
 with her. The bereaved one took the visit very kindly, 
 and invited her neighbour up stairs to see the corpse. 
 On uncovering the face she sorrowfully said, " Ey, 
 theer he ligs, poor fellow ! He was a varra decent 
 man, and a rare dancer." By invitation the visit was 
 repeated next day, when the desolate one found great 
 consolation in a demure game of pool with her friendly 
 neighbour.
 
 Miscellaneous Atiecdotes. 285 
 
 DR. MILLER. 
 
 The late Dr. Miller, the eminent meteorologist, had 
 some thirty rain gauges distributed over the lake dis- 
 trict, one of which was placed on the summit of Scaw- 
 fel and was maliciously destroyed by some students. 
 The act was thus described by his informant : " They 
 mash't t' tunmill heed in wi' cobble steiinns, and than 
 they proddle't t' boddam out wi' their kebby sticks." 
 
 Another of Dr. Miller's mountain gauges was miss- 
 ing, and he wrote to a farmer acquaintance stating his 
 loss and asking him to make inquiries about it. The 
 man, having mistaken the word gauge for goose, re- 
 plied to Mr. Miller that he had made diligent search, 
 but could not "hear tell of any stray geuss hevvin 
 been seen or fund on their fell." 
 
 COACH WHEELS. 
 
 Some years ago two ignorant country lads (just over 
 the Westmoreland border) beheld for the first time a 
 four-wheeled vehicle in the shape of a post chaise. 
 What astonished them most was that the wheels were 
 not all of the same size. One of them said to the 
 other, " I'll tell tha what. I'll bet tha' a shillin' t' girt 
 wheel owertaks t' laal an afoor she gits tul t' guide 
 post." " Done/' said the other. They ran after the 
 carriage till it reached the guide post, which happened 
 to be at the foot of a hill, and there found the posi- 
 tions of the wheels unchanged. 
 
 The loser protested that he "waddent hae lost t' 
 shillin' if t' fella heddent gitten down at t' hill top and 
 fassent t' girt wheel wid a chain."
 
 286 Cumbrimia. 
 
 OYSTERS. 
 
 A Cumbrian residing in London sent home to his 
 brother a Christmas present of oysters and many other 
 good things. Meeting him afterwards, he inquired 
 how he Uked them. " Oh, weel enough, but they war 
 mortal hard to git at." " How did you open them ? " 
 said the giver. " Wey, I carried them out into t' foald 
 and bray't them on t' wo' wid a cobble." 
 
 AFFINITY OF SPEECH. 
 
 A HAPPY recognition once took place between two 
 men who as boys, very many years before, had been 
 playmates in a quiet Cumberland village. One of 
 them was a passenger on board a merchant ship in 
 some far distant ocean, and happened to be on deck 
 on a still night, when he heard a sailor who was 
 stretched on his back on the deck, dreamily thinking 
 of home and the loved ones far away, mutter, " Cush ! 
 that foretopsail yard comes and gangs, and jeyks like 
 Pardshaw-lee yat." The sound of the old familiar 
 name of the gate at the entrance to the common at 
 his native place at once led to very unexpected mutual 
 explanations and congratulations between the two. 
 
 ACADEMICAL. 
 
 A VERY illiterate old man named Telford kept school 
 at Graysouthen. When a pupil came to a hard word
 
 Miscellaneous Anecdotes. 287 
 
 which he knew no more how to pronounce than did 
 his master, the latter would say, " Co't summat and 
 gang on." 
 
 HARD TO CONVINCE. 
 
 During the memorable hotly-contested county elec- 
 tion of 1768, an active agent of the Tory party was 
 treating some of his political friends in a country ale- 
 house. After the tankards had been renewed again 
 and again, still the thirsty souls called for more. The 
 landlady came to say they had entirely exhausted the 
 supplies, and that the barrel was dry. " I will n't 
 believe tha," said one roysterer, " not without thou'll 
 gang and poo t' spiddick (spigot) out and fetch't here." 
 
 TEETOTAL MEDICINE. 
 
 A Whitehaven tradesman, who had long been a leader 
 among teetotallers, was seized with illness ; and grow- 
 ing worse, called in a doctor. Suspecting his patient's 
 hidden proclivities, after due inquiries and close ex- 
 amination the doctor said he would send suitable 
 medicines, and along with them a certain quantity of 
 brandy was to be taken. The sick man strongly 
 objected to alcohol in any shape ; and, having been 
 so long a total abstainer, asked what people would 
 say or think of him whose example and advice, he 
 hoped, had been the means of saving and reclaiming 
 so many who might have been lost. The doctor in- 
 sisted he should take it, saying, as he had saved so 
 many he must now thmk of saving his own life, and 
 take the medicines indispensably necessary for that
 
 288 Cinnbriana. 
 
 purpose, and he would order a supply of brandy to be 
 sent him. As if afraid of consequences, the patient 
 gave in and said, " Well, doctor, if it is to be so, it 
 must ; but ini7id it be good." 
 
 JOB'S MOTHER. 
 
 A VERY passionate and certainly blamable mother 
 threw a tea-cup at her boy. His grown-up sister 
 endeavoured to pacify him, saying it was their duty to 
 bear with patience such outbursts of temper, and re- 
 minding him of the example set before them by Job, 
 about whom she had lately been reading to him, when 
 the litUe fellow observed, " Ey, but Job's mudder niver 
 scop't him on t' heed wi' tea-cups." 
 
 The followifig is from the Wigto?i Advertiser of 
 S(pt ember, i860. 
 
 MERELY A TRIFLING DIFFERENCE. 
 
 Some litde time ago, in a country parish in the North 
 of Cumberland, the inhabitants took it into their heads 
 to have a harmonium for their parish church, which 
 was accordingly ordered, and duly announced as being 
 ready at the nearest railway station awaiting its trans- 
 port to its destination, which was to be by means of a 
 farmer's cart who had kindly offered to take it up to 
 the village, at the same time that he carried home a 
 "Patent Time Saving" washing machine, which the 
 farmer's wife had persuaded the good man to invest 
 in to get up their household hnen. Safely deposited
 
 Miscellaneous Anecdotes. 289 
 
 in his carts, the two ''new-fangled things" got home; 
 but lo ! "Which is t' thing et weshes t' cleas?" and 
 which " t' new organ fiddle ? " Neither had ever been 
 seen at work by the astonished churchwarden, and 
 "for t' varra leyf on 'em" he could not tell "whilk 
 was whilk." At last, however, the larger of the two 
 was pitched upon as being more like the harmonium, 
 and was set in its appointed place in the church, the 
 other being deposited in the wash-house ready for the 
 next wash. We need scarcely go any further, but may 
 leave it to our readers to imagine the astonishment of 
 the schoolmaster on being taken down in the evening 
 to "give a tune or two" to the village choir and a 
 select circle on what turned out to be a washing 
 machine. 
 
 JOE HENRY. 
 
 A GENERATION ago a half-wittcd compound of knave 
 and fool had a weekly allowance from the parishioners 
 of Gilcrux, and the smithy was his usual lounge. He 
 sat on the window sill in the summer, and when colder 
 weather came on he and his ragged habiliments were 
 allowed by the good-natured smith to occupy the form 
 on the hearth provided for customers. 
 
 Joe had been presented with a tattered scarlet coat, 
 and was not a little proud of it. He was enjoying the 
 warmth of the smithy fire when a neighbour came in, 
 and asked if he had taken to hunting that winter, 
 having got a scarlet coat. "Nay," says he, "huntin's 
 nobbet a ratchan kind o' business, and it taks o' t' 
 meat out of a body's bell}'." 
 
 It v/as once asked why he did not work for his liv- 
 ing like other people. He readily answered, "Let 
 them work at's gitten nea forton o' their can. I was 
 
 u
 
 290 Cumbriana. 
 
 bworn to my forton, and it comes to me ivry week, 
 and that's mair ner any on ye can say." 
 
 AN UNINTENTIONAL RHYMSTER. 
 
 In the north-eastern part of the county a young farmer 
 aspired to be a poet, and on a rainy morning retired 
 to an upstairs room, teUing his mother he was going 
 to write poetry and wished not to be disturbed till 
 dinner time. The mother did not relish his proposal, 
 but as it was wet and not a busy season, she for once 
 felt disposed to indulge his fancy, and would call him 
 when dinner was ready! On being duly called, he 
 answered, saying he would be down shortly. Time 
 passed on, and not coming down, the old lady went 
 up in no very good humour at his delay, telling him 
 the family had done dinner, and asking him what he 
 had got done. He said he had written 
 
 " A dwelling-house, a barn, and byer," 
 
 and was fairly puzzled for a suitable rhyme to it. 
 
 Her patience being exhausted with the small amount 
 of the forenoon's work, she angrily and unhesitatingly 
 exclaimed: "The muckle deevil set it o' afire," at 
 once finishing the couplet, and ordered him down to 
 his dinner. 
 
 LONGS AND SHORTS. 
 
 Many years subsequent to the general transition 
 period from short-knee breeches to trousers, two old 
 acquaintances met at a railway station. Both were
 
 Miscellaneous Anecdotes. 291 
 
 old men, and both stuck by " shorts." One was some- 
 what of the typical John Bull build, whilst the other 
 was more of the "lean and shppered pantaloon." 
 
 After exchanging the usual salutations, the lean 
 man observed, " What, I see thou's like me John, thou 
 still wears t' oald-farrant mak o' brutches." 
 
 John, who was deaf, and had a loud ringing voice — 
 " Ey, bit if I was thee, I wad wear lang breeks." 
 
 Lean man — " What for, min ? " 
 
 John — "Wey, because thou's gitten sec a par o' 
 shanks ! I've seen many a heeron-sew [heron] on our 
 fell edge wid a better pair ! " 
 
 ADVICE. 
 
 " Theer nought like gittan hod ov a gay heavy tail't 
 an," said an old man in giving advice to a young friend 
 on the subject of matrimony. " Fwok talks about love. 
 Wey, issent it just as easy to love a lass wid a lock o' 
 brass as yan et hes nin ? " 
 
 A COMPLIMENT TO FELL-SIDERS. 
 
 The following advice from an industrious master 
 mason to his son was lately overheard : — "Aawish, 
 wi' o' my heart, thou wad git weddit. Mat ; but divvent 
 git hod o' yan o' thur feckless dris't up things about 
 here, bit gang thy ways up amang t' fells and lait a 
 lass 'at's fit to mak a wife on."
 
 292 Cwnbriana. 
 
 TRUTH BEFORE POLITENESS. 
 
 A MAN of not very bright intellect received many 
 kindnesses from the first Lord Lonsdale. On one 
 occasion he rang the bell at Whitehaven Castle, and 
 inquired, "Is William in?" The footman asked, 
 " William ! what William ? " " Wey, William, Earl of 
 Lonsdale, to be sure," said he ; " dus ta nut ken thy 
 maister's neamm ? " 
 
 ENTERPRISING, BUT NOT CREDITABLE. 
 
 A COLLIER, who had risen from the ranks to a position 
 of considerable trust and emolument, was asked how 
 he had managed to attain his standing. He thus 
 explained the process : " Wey, I'll just tell you how 
 it was. Whenever I fand a man 'at I thought knew 
 mair about a colliery ner what I dud, I just tuk him 
 till a public-house and gev him two or three glasses, 
 and than I wrought out on him o' 'at iver he hed in 
 him. And that's t' way I raised mysel up frae t' varra 
 dregs to t' position I now stand in." 
 
 DESCRIPTIVE. 
 
 The following, illustrative of the genuine Cumberland 
 dialect, is told by an elderly lady who, in her youth, 
 heard a Cumbrian, just returned from London, describe 
 to another who was about to go there, the locality of 
 some house in St. Paul's Churchyard, in these words : 
 " It's ebm fornenst t' girt Kirk, and down in t' low 
 neukk o' t' garth."
 
 Miscellaneous Aneedotes. 293 
 
 FORCED TO GIVE IN. 
 
 A COMMERCIAL traveller, noted for his beer-drinking 
 powers, once met with his match in that undesirable 
 accomplishment in a village blacksmith, whom he was 
 treating at the ale-house over the settling of an account. 
 When they had consumed nine quarts, he asked for 
 the reckoning ; but the son of Vulcan exclaimed with 
 the most unfeigned surprise, "What, you're sartenly 
 not done yet, Mr. Robison ! " 
 
 A WRAPPER. 
 
 A MAN, who had been engaged in catching lobsters, 
 said that he "rov t' clea off yan that was as big as a 
 taty swill ! " (A large basket used for gathering pota- 
 toes in.) 
 
 ANOTHER. 
 
 An old man at Graysouthen, whose office it was to 
 toll a hand-bell througli the village to give notice to 
 the inhabitants on the occasion of funerals, was noto- 
 rious for the large-sized clogs he wore. One day he 
 suddenly stopped his bell, and remarking, " Sarten-lye, 
 theer mun be summat i' my clog ; " pulled it off, turned 
 it upside down, and out rolled a casley, that is, a 
 peg-top.
 
 294 Cnmbriana. 
 
 ELECTRIC FORCE. 
 
 Many years ago, a ship on its way from Whitehaven 
 to Dublin, was disabled in a storm ; when all hope of 
 safety was at an end, the officers and passengers 
 assembled in the cabin for the solemn purpose of 
 prayer and meditation ; and, when after a short period 
 of silence, the rudderless vessel made a tremendous 
 lurch, one of the latter calmly observed, " I doubt, 
 indeed, she 'ill toup, lads ! " This remark so tickled 
 the captain that he became infused with fresh energy, 
 which communicating itself to his nearly worn-out 
 crew carried the ship into port. 
 
 CONSOLATION. 
 
 What description of a cadaverous individual suffering 
 under a complication of face-ache, neuralgia, and boils, 
 can be more graphic than that with which a jolly John 
 Bull-like man addressed his less fortunate neighbour ? 
 " Noo, what's t' matter wid thee ? Thou leuks as yalla 
 as a fellside teadd, and thy chafts is o' covered ower 
 wid girt blebs, fit to freeten a body." 
 
 A DISTINCTION. 
 
 Very many years ago two intimate friends went to 
 London together. One was of gentlemanly manners 
 and bearing, the other more homely, who only spoke 
 the broad vernacular of Cumberland. Going into a 
 barber's shop to get shaved, they were taken for mas-
 
 Miscellaneous Anecdotes. 295 
 
 ter and servant. When the operations were concluded, 
 the homely one asking what was to pay was informed, 
 " A penny for you, and sixpence for the gentleman." 
 
 ELEGANCE. 
 
 An AUonby yeoman relating what he saw when dining 
 at the house of some great man, said, " Barn, they hed 
 mahogany dooers, an' whushins till their chair backs, 
 and stuff for dinner 'at they co't blue manj ! " 
 
 STARTLING. 
 
 Two neighbours going by wa}' of Rottington to St. 
 Bees Church had to cross a swollen stream where 
 large stones were placed as steps. These being partly 
 covered by the flood one of the pair said he thought 
 he could manage to get across without being much 
 wet. The other replied, "Thou may gang to hell thy 
 own way, I'll gang round by t' brig." 
 
 AMIABLE OR BLAMABLE. 
 
 A Cumberland worthy, extolling the atfection and 
 amiability of his wife, said they had been " weddit 
 abeun twenty year, and he hed cun heamm at o' times 
 o' neet frae sun-down to cock-crow, and in o' maks o' 
 conditions frae teetotal to total nincompoopsy, and still 
 niver a wrang word come frae her."
 
 296 Cumhriana. 
 
 LOWTHER SECURITY. 
 
 There was, and perhaps still is, an itinerant family of 
 pot-sellers and dealers in old iron who happen to have 
 the same surname as the noble Earl who fills the office 
 of Lord-Lieutenant of the county- One of its mem- 
 bers purchased a number of houses at a public sale at 
 Wigton. The auctioneer, struck with his shabby dress 
 and mean appearance, asked if he was prepared to 
 give security for the payment. Slowly rising, he drew 
 from his pocket a stocking well-stored with gold, and, 
 deliberately shaking it at arms' length, exclaimed, with 
 as much dignity as he could assume, " There's a 
 Lowder's [Lowther's] security." 
 
 DECEIVED. 
 
 At a political banquet at which Sir James Graham 
 was present, one of his tenants catching the eye of the 
 baronet seized a tall glass of coloured jelly which he 
 mistook for wine, shouted, " To your good health. 
 Mister Sir Jems," and tried to toss it off, amid the 
 laughter of the company and his own confusion. 
 
 DR. DALTON AND THE KING. 
 
 The celebrated chemist. Dr. John Dalton, who was 
 born at Eaglesfield, never forgot to use his native dia- 
 lect when, as he loved to do, he revisited the scenes 
 of his youth, and the friends of his early years. 
 
 On one of these occasions he was narrating to one
 
 Miscellaneous Anecdotes. 297 
 
 with whom he kept up a long intimacy and corres- 
 pondence an interview he had with King WiUiam IV., 
 when that monarch oftered him the honour of knight- 
 hood, which the philosopher refused, chiefly on the 
 ground that he could kneel only to his Maker. When 
 presented the king said to him, "Well, Mr. Dalton, 
 how are you getting on at Manchester?" [his resi- 
 dence.] The Doctor answered in his homely way, 
 " Oh, I don't know ; just middlin' I think." On his 
 friend expressing surprise at the curtness of his reply, 
 he said, " Wey, John, what can yan say to sek fwok? " 
 
 FINGER GLASSES. 
 
 A RAW youth, who was being trained as a sort of page 
 in a family in West Cumberland, desiring to know if 
 finger glasses were to be put on the table at an 
 approaching dinner party, went to his mistress and 
 said, " If you please, mam, is t' company gaan to 
 wesh thersels to-day ? " 
 
 HOUSE OE. BARN. 
 
 At a meeting convened for considering the repairs 
 required in a fine old parish church, the Rector 
 explained among other things, that it was proposed to 
 remove a modern flat ceiling, and restore the ancient 
 oaken rafters of the high pitched roof. To this pro- 
 ject a lusty 'statesman dissented, adding, "T' church 
 is coald eneuf as it is, and dus ta mean to tell me 'at 
 it is n't snugger sleepin' in a ceiled house, ner what it 
 is in a leaath oppen clean up to t' reuff ? "
 
 298 Ciunhdana. 
 
 ALL DOWNHILL. 
 
 Tommy I) , of Keswick, had a quarrel with his 
 
 wife at the head of the staircase. After much alter- 
 cation his passion got the better of him and he con- 
 trived to tumble her down the stairs. Whilst she went 
 rolling towards the bottom Tommy looked on and 
 coolly said, " Tak time oald lass — it's o' in-bank." 
 
 TOMMY DUNN. 
 
 Tommy at Green Row School had sent his watch to 
 Wigton to be cleaned, and as the holidays approached 
 he wrote for it — " Please send Tommy Dunn's watch 
 done or undone. — Yours, Tommy Dunn." We say, 
 shortly done, and well done. Tommy Dunn ! 
 
 ASS OR ASH. 
 
 A GENTLEMAN near Maryport wanted to purchase a 
 donkey for his young children to learn to ride upon. 
 Meeting a boy with a good looking ass drawing a cart 
 laden with coal he called out, " Stop, you boy. 
 Whose ass is that?" "It's nut ass 'at o,' it's smo' 
 cwol." 
 
 A POUND TOO LIGHT. 
 
 An acquaintance met Gerard Armstrong and inquired 
 after the health of his mother, who was a very old
 
 Miscellaneoiis Anecdotes. 299 
 
 woman. He replied, "The aal body's gay an' weel 
 for her yage, bit she's a pund leeght." " What's that, 
 Jarrat?" "She's a pund leeght aa tell tha." "An' 
 how can that be?" "The aal body's teann to sayin' 
 her bits o' prayers, an' aa owerhard her ya neight 
 amang her bits o' prayers sayan she'd been weigh'd 
 an' fund wantin'." 
 
 D. A. M. 
 
 A YOUNG lady of Whitehaven called on a seal engraver 
 and wished to have a monogTam of the initial letters of 
 her name. " What are the letters, mam ? " "D.A.M." 
 The engraver was at once struck with the word they 
 formed, and asked, "Could you not omit the middle 
 letter or alter the arrangement in some way a little ? " 
 " No ; that is my name and I cannot alter it." 
 
 EGG SKELLFUL OF STEAM. 
 
 The Union steamer from Liverpool was driven past 
 Whitehaven in the night and took refuge in Working- 
 ton harbour. At early morn a lady passenger on 
 landing met the commander. Captain John Glaister, 
 hastening towards his vessel in a not very gracious 
 mood. On asking if he was going to sea again — 
 "Gang to sea !" he snappishly replied, " hoo can we 
 gang noo ? Theer is n't a egg skellful o' steam ! " 
 
 CHEAP AND GOOD. 
 
 A LADY relative called to see John B , of R- 
 
 on his death-bed, and, after due inquiries, asked^
 
 300 Cumbriana. 
 
 " What age are you, John ? " " I's sebbenty-two." 
 "And what age is Mary? " " She's two year younger, 
 an' as teuf as pin wire. She nobbet cost me hoaf a 
 crown (marriage fee), an' she wears Uke a bit o' broad 
 cleatth." 
 
 DOING THE TOLL-BAR KEEPERS. 
 
 A YOUNG man of Aspatria was accustomed to ride to 
 Edderside a courting, and, according to the ways of 
 the district, he often stayed till midnight or after. 
 
 On that road there are two toll gates about a mile 
 apart ; and the keepers, judging his errand, for a time 
 kindly got out of bed to open their gates without 
 charge, and to pass their jokes ; but there is a limit to 
 the patience of even a toll-bar keeper, and instead of 
 jokes sharp words began to occur, and toll was 
 demanded as incurred on another day. The young 
 man knew his liability, and submitted with a grumble 
 till a cold and stormy night came. Then (in imita- 
 tion of " Robert North" mentioned in a former place) 
 on returning he reined up his horse in the middle of 
 the road at the first bar and called "Gate!" The 
 keeper turned out in his shirt only ; opened the gate 
 and received his penny in the storm. The like oc- 
 curred at the second gate, and neither keeper blessed 
 him ! For a few journeys after he managed to cut 
 his courting shorter and to return before midnight, so 
 having nothing to pay. But another stormy night 
 came when he was out, and he stayed (of course for 
 shelter) till after midnight, when the keepers, finding 
 themselves defeated, good-humouredly begged him to 
 get married soon, for they did not like such night dis- 
 turbances and were fairly beat.
 
 Miscellaneous Anecdotes. -xoi 
 
 THE VIRTUE OF SILENCE. 
 
 Business once led the late John Ritson, of Wasdale- 
 head, and his son (the noted Will) — both drolls, into 
 Loweswater, and on arriving at the Churchstile Inn, 
 refreshment was found desirable. Till lately it was 
 no uncommon thing in many of the families in the 
 fell dales for the individuals to address each other 
 with the Scriptural t/iou instead of the modern yott. 
 When the good things were set on the table Will 
 helped himself and proceeded to charge his father's 
 glass, saying, " Thou mun say when, fadder." 
 
 Old John was silent, and Will filled the glass till it 
 began to run over, saying, "Thou niver said 7vhen, 
 fadder." " Nea, Will. A lucky man may mak his 
 fort'n by hoddan his tongue." 
 
 THE TWO SWANS. 
 
 When Jemmy Bohanan (Buchanan) kept the much 
 frequented Angler's Inn at Ennerdale Lake, Mr. and 
 Mrs. S and party came one day to try lake fish- 
 ing. Seeing two fine swans on the water Mrs. S 
 
 observed to her husband that it was strange the swans 
 had no cygnets at that season of the year. 
 
 Mr. S dryly recommended her to ask the land- 
 lady about them. Sally was an excellent hostess — 
 always providing plenty of the best and trying to make 
 her visitors comfortable ; she was also one of the blunt- 
 est of her class, and scorned to use what she called 
 fine talk, or any but her native dialect. Accordingly 
 she was asked by the lady if the swans had any cyg- 
 nets. " Cygnets ! what's that ? " " Youpg ones."
 
 302 Cuvibriana. 
 
 " What, how can they hev young uns ? They're beatth 
 stags." 
 
 AN OVER FREE TRANSLATION. 
 
 Soon after the Bransty Arch was built at the north- 
 east entrance of Whitehaven, a country -man was 
 observed to stare intently at the Lowther coat-of-anns 
 upon it, and appearing to be spelling over the motto, 
 " Can you read it ? " said Mr. Joseph Dickinson, the 
 shipbuilder, to him. "No, what is it?" " Afagis- 
 tratus indicat viriim — the town is all my own," said 
 Mr. D. 
 
 HOW MANY GOLD WATCHES HAVE YOU? 
 
 " Do you know where Mr. Sealey, the watchmaker, 
 lives ? " said a stranger to a good woman in the main 
 street of Egremont. " Ey, I think I sud know, for 
 we've five gold watches in t' house and theer measstly 
 some on them theer." 
 
 THEY SAY. 
 
 Many years ago when the business of the Whitehaven 
 Police Court was conducted in a patriarchal manner 
 without the help of attorneys, the landlady of the 
 Royal Standard was requested to appear " before the 
 gentlemen " to answer for some alleged irregularity in 
 her house. 
 
 Magistrate — "They say you keep an idle house, 
 Jenny." 
 
 Jenny— " 7)i<y say! Who says so? You don't.
 
 Miscellaneous Ajiecdotes. 303 
 
 Mr. , I know." To another she warmly said, 
 
 " They say such and such thmgs about you, Mr. , 
 
 but who minds what they say? we know better." 
 "Stop, Jenny. Mind you do better in future." Exit 
 Jenny in triumph ! 
 
 FOR BETTER, FOR WORSE. 
 
 A VETERINARY in East Cumberland, named Walker, 
 became ill and was obliged to keep his bed. 
 
 After some weeks of pain and uneasiness he took a 
 fancy that if his favourite saddle and bridle were 
 within sight he would be soothed and able to obtain 
 his former measure of rest and sleep. Finding this 
 not to have the desired effect he insisted on having 
 the saddle and bridle on the bed where he could put 
 his hand upon them. He would gladly have had his 
 pony in the room, but these fancies gave rise to much 
 matrimonial bickering, and also renewed some matters 
 of older standing. After several occurrences of this 
 nature he one day said to his wife regarding their mar- 
 ried life — " Thou might ha' deunn better, bit I couldn't 
 ha' deunn warse." 
 
 VERY DECIDED. 
 
 A FORMER editor of the Cuniberlajid Pacquet had a 
 little paper war in v/hich a Dumfriesshire gentleman 
 was concerned. The Scotchman got to be so irritated 
 that he could not vent his anger sufficiently by pen 
 and ink, and so resolved on a personal interview and 
 to take the consequences that might ensue. Having 
 come to Whitehaven, he made out and entered the
 
 304 Cumbriana. 
 
 Pacqitet office, saying, " I want to see Mester Gebsan 
 — Mester Robert Gebsan I mean." The editor quietly 
 said, "I am Mr. Robert Gibson." After staring a 
 moment the stranger said, " Weel, I cam to say a gret 
 deal to ye, but Lord man ! ye're just the vera ugliest 
 falla I iver saa, an' I'll no tal ye what I cam to say." 
 
 A SNUBBER PROPER. 
 
 A YOUNG village tailor when out of his time went up 
 to London. After some years spent in the metro- 
 polis he revisited his native place, in, as he doubtless 
 flattered himself, a high state of polish. How small 
 he must have felt, when after greeting one of his old 
 friends (not with "Isaac how is ta?" as in old times, 
 but) with, "Well, IVIr. Dockwray, how are you? I 
 hope I see you well ! " He was quietly snubbed with, 
 " Middlin', Tommy, middlin'." 
 
 PURE ECONOMY. 
 
 When tobacco was sold at a high price on account of 
 the duty upon it, and from some other cause was 
 
 reported to be likely to become still dearer, John , 
 
 of Dearham, being accustomed to smoke a certain 
 number of pipes daily, resolved to economise without 
 curtailing his regular number. In this humour he 
 engaged a lad to turn a grindstone for him. A neigh- 
 bour passing them at work observed some old clay 
 pipes laid near them, and John busy pressing the bowl 
 of one upon the stone to grind down its holding capa- 
 city. The neighbour inquired what they were doing, 
 and was answered, " Wey, bacca's gittan dearer ivry 
 week, and I mwi hev seah many pipes i' t' day ; and, 
 thou sees, a pipe 's a pipe if it's iver sa smo."
 
 Miscellaneous Anecdotes. 305 
 
 TWO FLATS AND A SHARP. 
 
 A FEW years ago, Mr. T bought a horse from 
 
 Mr. C for eiglity pounds, and after a trial of a 
 
 few weeks took a dislike to it, and requested Mr. 
 
 C to take the horse back and to refund the 
 
 money. This was declined as forming no part of the 
 contract; so the parties differed, and called in Mr. 
 
 R , a dealer in horses, to advise and try to settle 
 
 the knotty point. When the three met, the two most 
 
 interested got warm on the subject, and Mr. T 
 
 said he would rather give thirty pounds than keep the 
 brute. The seller declared he had known enough of 
 the horse, and would rather give twenty pounds than 
 take him back. The whole matter being referred to 
 the mutual friend, he shrewdly observed that they had 
 thrown sufficient light on the affair, and he could now 
 see his way to satisfy both parties, saying, "You, Mr. 
 
 T , must give me the thirty pounds, and you, Mr. 
 
 C , must give me your twenty pounds, and neither 
 
 of you shall be annoyed with the horse ; for I'll take 
 him at the eighty, and relieve you both." 
 
 A POWERFUL ARGUMENT. 
 
 A POMPOUS swell was driving in a hasty and unguarded 
 manner in the neighbourhood of Carlisle, when an 
 elderly decrepid man endeavoured to get out of the 
 way but was thrown down by the vehicle near his cot- 
 tage, run over and considerably injured. His wife 
 and son John saw the accident, and ran to the rescue ; 
 the woman screaming loudly, and the son determined 
 on violence. The swell not liking appearances, called 
 out, " Stand off there ! If I have cracked the old crab, 
 I am willing to pay for him." The wife hastily cried 
 
 X
 
 3o6 Qimbriana. 
 
 out, " Stop, John, we'll tak the man's money ; it mends 
 a deal o' things, it '11 mebby mend thy fadder." 
 
 FAIRLY DEFEATED. 
 
 Mrs. Hutchinson, of Whitehaven, died a few years 
 ago nearly a hundred years of age. The date of her 
 birth was not known, and she steadfastly declined to 
 impart any information on the matter. Not long 
 before her last illness her medical adviser, curious to 
 know her age, thought he could worm it out. Calling 
 on her one day he introduced some confidential sub- 
 jects, and the chat went cosily on, giving him lively 
 hopes of success. At last he put the question as to 
 her age, when the lady said, " Doctor, can you keep a 
 secret?" "Yes, mam, I can." She quickly replied, 
 "And so can I." 
 
 AN ENGLISH BULL. 
 
 A JOINER, of Whitehaven, named , was proceed- 
 ing along the street when two young girls saw him 
 from an upstairs window and called out, " There is 
 
 John , the bull maker." Whether real or assumed, 
 
 John was very apt at bull making, and hearing them 
 he said, '' You little jades, I know you well enough, 
 and if I only had you here, I would quickly pitch you 
 out of the window." 
 
 ANOTHER. 
 
 John was once sent for into Queen Street to measure 
 a corpse and take orders for the cofhn. Forgetting 
 the number of the house, he ventured to knock at the 
 door of one on chance, and on an inmate appearing, 
 said, " If you please is there a dead man lives here ? "
 
 Miscellaneoics Ajiecdotes. 
 
 507 
 
 ST. SWITHIN'S DAY. 
 
 Many believe that if rain falls on St. Svvithin's day 
 the following six weeks will be more wet than dry, 
 and the contrary if the day is fair. The annexed 
 table, from my carefully kept diary of twenty succes- 
 sive years, proves the falsity of the superstitious belief 
 so far as the district of Workington is concerned. 
 
 1 C^ ' I 1 " J T~\ 
 
 Six weeks 
 
 following. 
 
 St. Swithm s Day. 
 
 Days on which 
 
 Days on which 
 
 
 rain fell. 
 
 no rain fell. 
 
 1855 
 
 rain 
 
 27 
 
 15 
 
 1856 
 
 rain 
 
 22 
 
 20 
 
 1857 
 
 rain 
 
 22 
 
 20 
 
 1858 
 
 rain 
 
 21 
 
 21 
 
 1859 
 
 fair 
 
 19 
 
 ^o 
 
 i860 
 
 rain 
 
 29 
 
 13 
 
 1861 
 
 fair 
 
 IZ 
 
 9 
 
 1862 
 
 rain 
 
 32 
 
 10 
 
 1863 
 
 fair 
 
 22 
 
 20 
 
 1864 
 
 rain 
 
 13 
 
 29 
 
 1865 
 
 rain 
 
 23 
 
 19 
 
 1866 
 
 fair 
 
 26 
 
 16 
 
 1867 
 
 rain 
 
 23 
 
 19 
 
 1868 
 
 fair 
 
 23 
 
 19 
 
 1869 
 
 fair 
 
 17 
 
 25 
 
 1870 
 
 rain 
 
 13 
 
 29 
 
 1871 
 
 rain 
 
 20 
 
 22 
 
 1872 
 
 rain 
 
 23 
 
 19 
 
 1873 
 
 fair 
 
 32 
 
 10 
 
 1874 
 
 fair 
 
 21 
 
 21
 
 3o8 Cwnbi'iaiia. 
 
 A CLEVER DODGE. 
 
 Many years ago a cottager at Camerton slaughtered 
 a fat swine and hung the carcase up for the night in an 
 outhouse to stiffen. Next morning the pork was miss- 
 ing, and the aid of the constabulary was called in. 
 They having strong belief in the proclivities of a 
 neighbour on the opposite side of the road, called on 
 Israel Cuthbertson in obedience to a search warrant. 
 On entering his house, the only person visible was 
 Israel himself, rocking a cradle and crooning a song. 
 The two constables (there were no police in those 
 days) stated their authority, and said they must search 
 the premises. Israel was a man of some education, 
 and having a polite turn told them to go where they 
 thought proper, only requesting them to make as little 
 noise as possible, for, said he, " My wife is from home ; 
 I am only a poor nurse, and if you waken the child, 
 I may have great difficulty in keeping it quiet." The 
 men searched the house and retired unsuccessful, after 
 looking into every place but the cradle, where there 
 was a carcase of fine pork instead of a living child. 
 
 A HARD PULL. 
 
 On two Clifton young women awaking one morning, 
 one of them called out, " Betty, it's time to git up." 
 " O Sally," said the other, " T' bed poos hard. I've 
 been tryan to git up for a gay while,~^bit it still poos 
 me down ageann." 
 
 A PAIR OF PREACHERS. 
 
 The late Rev. Canon H , of Carlisle, took some 
 
 delight in a roughly expressed joke in his native dialect.
 
 Miscellaneotis Anecdotes. 309 
 
 Once when an Oxford graduate came out of the 
 Cathedral from hearing a sermon preached by a 
 nephew of the Canon, passing the rev. gentleman, 
 he, the Canon, asked if the graduate had heard his 
 nephew preach ? On being answered in the affirma- 
 tive, he asked how he liked the preaching? He 
 scarcely got any answer, but followed up in his very 
 homely way, "And dudta iver hear a warse?" The 
 graduate, after some hesitation, admitted he did not 
 remember hearing a worse. " Then gang and hear 
 his brother preach at Stanwix Church ! " The Car- 
 lisle nephew was a notoriously bad preacher, gob- 
 bling his words so as to be nearly unintelligible ; and 
 the Stanwix nephew, a drony weak-voiced one, and 
 very indolent. The latter had a small window in his 
 church on a level with the pulpit, and through it he 
 could see his servant girl come out of the vicarage at 
 half-past twelve, and wave her apron when dinner was 
 ready ; the parson would immediately close his sermon 
 whether finished or not, and dismiss the congregation. 
 He used to close the afternoon service as soon as the 
 mail passed the church, which was timed to be at ten 
 minutes past three. The service done or not it was 
 all the same, he struck up with, " And now to God," 
 &c., and dismissed his hearers.
 
 3IO Cumbriana. 
 
 ON THE TENURE OF LAND IN 
 CUMBERLAND. 
 
 Origin of Freeholds under the Feudal 
 System. — "At first, the estates called _/^;/^j- were held 
 only during the Avill of the lord, and they could not 
 be transferred or disposed of by those who held them 
 during their lives, nor did .they descend to their 
 heirs at their deaths. Those persons only who were 
 capable of bearing arms, and who were chosen by the 
 lord, could succeed to them. Infants, women, and 
 monks were therefore excluded as a matter of course. 
 Subsequently the heirs of a deceased tenant were per- 
 mitted to share his lands amongst them upon payment 
 of what was called z.fine, or present of armour, horses, 
 or money to the lord. But the division of authority 
 this occasioned was found to weaken the defences of 
 the country, and it became the general rule to admit 
 one heir only, in some parts the eldest, in others the 
 youngest son of the deceased, or some other male 
 relative capable of taking upon himself the conditions 
 of the feud. Graduallv, as intellia:ence and wealth 
 began to increase, and other arts than those of war to 
 be followed, these feuds became the absolute property 
 of the tenants — no longer vassals liable to be dispos- 
 sessed at any moment at the mere caprice of the lord, 
 hntfree holders of the soil, possessing power to sell or 
 bequeath it as they pleased, subject only to known 
 rules of law, which in every succeeding reign were 
 relaxed in their favour." — " Hotv we are Governed" by 
 Albany Fotiblanque, 18^8.
 
 Tenure of Land in Qimberland. 311 
 
 The nature of a hotch-potch publication is to contain 
 matters of variety, and the privilege is claimed on this 
 occasion to introduce a subject altogether foreign to 
 the other contents, and one that may interest some 
 who may derive little enjoyment from the perusal of 
 the lighter portions ; and it is highly proper that all 
 should know something of the conditions on which 
 the possession of the greater part of the landed pro- 
 perty of the kingdom was once held, and no incon- 
 siderable portion continues to be held by the present 
 owners. An attempt is offered to explain this subject 
 in a short and familiar way, as it relates to Cumber- 
 land. 
 
 It has been an uncontroverted maxim in the politi- 
 cal economy of all late ages, and a highly commend- 
 able one, that few men in tolerable health, and none 
 of a right-minded turn exist, who do not entertain a 
 desire to become the owners of real property, that is, 
 of houses or land — of a house to live in at least, and 
 of more if possible ; and every young man ought to 
 look forward and try with his greatest energy, next 
 to his duty to his Creator, to honestly acquire, and to 
 carefully save, as much as will enable him to shelter 
 himself and his family under his own roof, having 
 nothing to pay after the purchase but his taxes, if of 
 freehold tenure. 
 
 If the property should happen to be of other tenure, 
 arbitrary or customary, the purchase money should be 
 so much less as is equivalent to the annual payment 
 
 of customary or lords-rent, with 
 Customary Tenant, what are called fines, payable 
 
 on the death of the lord of the 
 manor, or on the death or change of the owner, or 
 whom he may have nominated as his customary tenant 
 — that is, a person appointed and enrolled in the court
 
 312 Ciimbriana. 
 
 books of the manor as nominal trustee, or tenant in 
 trust, for the property, whose duty it is to appear at 
 the Manorial Courts to answer to his name there when 
 called on, to serve on the juries of the court, and to 
 perform certain other suits and services, the chief of 
 which will be presently described, and to pay or cause 
 to be paid the several rents, fines, &c., to which the 
 property may be liable. 
 
 On some minds the impression is, that these rents 
 and taxes, suits and services, are an imposition at the 
 will of the lord of the manor, and that 
 Partnership, they ought to be contended against and 
 abolished. But on searching out their 
 history, they are found to be as much the property of 
 the other partner (who is lord of the manor) as the 
 residue is the property of the ostensible owner of the 
 estate. 
 
 Thus it will be seen that the long-standing partner, 
 the lord of the manor, has a defined right, by no means 
 of his own creating, which does not vary much in 
 value ; and the other partner, who is called the owner, 
 possesses the rest. 
 
 At the present day a large majority of owners hold 
 their possessions by freehold tenure, the best of all 
 tenures. But at one time, say eight hundred or a 
 thousand years ago, it was a common saying that there 
 was " no land without a lord," meaning that all land 
 was then of this arbitrary or feudal tenure. 
 
 At the time of its origin, the baron, or great man of 
 the district, now and then conditionally rewarded a 
 follower, a friend, or a servant, with a slice from his 
 estate, instead of paying him wages or rewards in that 
 exceedingly scarce commodity, money, of which few 
 of the barons of old could produce as much as several 
 of our retail tradesmen can do any day now. 
 
 The land thus granted and accepted was commonly
 
 Tenure of Land hi Cumberland. 313 
 
 worth more than the services rendered ; and, by way 
 of equaHzing the matter, and of retaining the 
 Grants, command of the services and assistance of 
 the grantee, he was bound, in this northern 
 part of the kingdom, to be at the call of the baron or 
 lord of the manor in war time, either on foot or with 
 horses, weapons, and provisions, for so many days as 
 the civil broil, the raid across the border, or the dis- 
 persion of an enemy was expected to occupy ; also to 
 pay the annual and other suits and services then 
 attached to the grant. 
 
 This military service seems to have been the most 
 oppressive custom, if an accepted duty ought to be 
 called oppressive, and glad we may be that it has gone 
 out of use. 
 
 When this was in force, and circumstances were 
 thought to require it, the lord of the manor was 
 bound, by his superior, the king, 
 Military Service, to appear at a certain time and 
 place at the head of his tenants, 
 who were to come at his call, armed and provisioned 
 for war at their own cost of horse and equipment, and 
 often without pay except what the plunder of friend 
 or foe might give them. And no matter what the 
 season might be ; seed time or harvest, sickness or 
 death in the house, out he must march under the ban- 
 ner of the chief or forfeit his estate. But it must be 
 kept in mind that the possessions of the chief were 
 also liable to forfeiture, if the call of the sovereign 
 was neglected or disobeyed, or even if he delayed. 
 For precisely in the same way the lord himself was 
 bound to serve his superior, the sovereign, who had 
 granted the manor to him. 
 
 On the one hand, services were requited by a grant 
 of land ; and on the other, protection was compen- 
 sated by services j and the deserving menial was ele-
 
 314 Cumhriana. 
 
 vated from a state of actual servitude into the yeoman 
 or statesman, as the landowner of Cumberland is called 
 at the present day. 
 
 There was, and still remains, one very important 
 difference in the partnership before mentioned. It is 
 
 contended that if the fine is 
 Two years' possessw?i. not duly paid, the lord can 
 
 demand, take, and keep pos- 
 session of the property for two years, or may let it to 
 another ; but precedents are not forthcoming. 
 
 Some of the services originally imposed were not 
 a little arduous. Others, though important at that 
 time, appear trifling and even ludicrous in modern 
 times. 
 
 Others again were of a nature so inconsistent with 
 the morality of after ages, that we are glad they are 
 fallen into disuse, or have been commuted by an 
 annual money payment, or enfranchised by purchase. 
 Not many generations back, the family estate was 
 always left to the second son, if the first- 
 Marriage. born of marriage was a male child, on 
 account of the uncertain lineage of the 
 eldest — the lord of the manor claiming, and perhaps 
 exercising, the right to sleep with every bride within 
 his manor, high or low, on the first night of her mar- 
 riage. And if more marriages than one were intended 
 for the same day, he could command the postpone- 
 ment of all but one. The abolition of this intensely 
 feudal and debasing custom gradually crept northward 
 and has happily died out, in the far highlands at no 
 very distant date. The customs and usages of the 
 Cumberland manors vary considerably; not as to 
 time or period, but as to one manor compared with 
 another. 
 
 A variety of customs prevail respecting heriots, 
 which consist in the liability of certain lands to pay to
 
 Tenure of Land in Cumberland. 315 
 
 the lord on the death of the tenant, in addition to the 
 fine of two years' value, the best living ani- 
 Heriots. mal on the premises, from a horse to a tame 
 rabbbit, if the impost be what is called a 
 live heriot. If a dead heriot, it is the best weapon, 
 article of furniture, or implement of husbandry. In 
 some manors only the live heriot can be claimed ; and 
 if none belong to the premises, or to the tenant in 
 tioist, no substitute can be had. In some again, if no 
 animal can be had, the clock or some dead chattel of 
 greatest value must go. 
 
 In some manors the most valuable heriot on the 
 premises, dead or alive, or the best belonging to the 
 tenant in trust is claimed, whether on the premises or 
 elsewhere : and within the memory of the writer, a 
 horse of seventy pounds' value was taken on the death 
 of the lord from a customary tenant, although the 
 estate itself was only w^orth about sixteen pounds a 
 year, and did not belong to the tenant in trust at all, 
 nor did he occupy the land. He was merely a friend 
 who had consented to allow his name to stand in the 
 court books of the manor as representative of the true 
 owner. In some manors a heriot is only payable when 
 the tenant in trust leaves a widow, and then as com- 
 pensation to the lord for the loss of a man's military 
 service. 
 
 On such manors the evasive custom of putting in a 
 woman as tenant in trust has been resorted to, and 
 then no widow is left at her death, and no heriot could 
 be claimed. 
 
 Instances of joint manors have occurred where two, 
 
 and in some cases three lords have claimed heriots by 
 
 custom on the same property. In 
 
 Joint Manors, such cases it has sometimes happened 
 
 that very unseemly proceedings have 
 
 taken place. When a tenant has been reported to be
 
 3i6 Qimbriana. 
 
 dying, the stewards of the manors claiming heriots 
 have each placed watchers around the dying man's 
 house, and by means of a treacherous confederate 
 within, one of them has outstripped the rest in the 
 rush for possession of the best animal, at a time 
 when the sorrows of the household should have been 
 sacredly respected. 
 
 This custom is happily nearly obsolete. In some 
 manors where horses were obliged to be kept for mili- 
 tary service, heriots were not claimed. 
 
 The crowTi possesses the manorial 
 
 Crown Rents, rights in some few instances within the 
 
 county, and small rents called crown 
 
 rents are paid; lands of this tenure mostly claim to be 
 
 toll-free. 
 
 In a few manors the tenants were bound to bring 
 all the game they killed to the lord or bailiff 
 Game, of the manor under a penalty of three shil- 
 lings and fourpence per head, and were then 
 entitled to claim a specified price for each kind of game. 
 
 Birds were held to be game in those days which are 
 not esteemed as such now, and singular discrepancies 
 in value are recorded : for instance, a halfpenny each 
 was to be given for field-fares, throstles, lap-wings, and 
 ouzels ; and a penny each for partridges and wood- 
 cocks. 
 
 On lands of arbitrary custom some lords are entitled 
 
 to all the timber except that of fruit trees, 
 
 Timber, and may cut and carry away all but the trees 
 
 sheltering the buildings, and may take the 
 
 timber of those too when the tenant consents to have 
 
 them cut down. 
 
 Other lords are entitled only to the oak, or to the 
 oak and whitethorn, the yew, the ash, &c., or to some 
 combination of these ; but not to the timber of differ- 
 ent kinds brought from abroad and grown here.
 
 Te7iure of Land in Cumberland. 317 
 
 The tenants could not cut any timber without a 
 license from the lord or his forester, although entitled 
 to timber for husbandry implements and repairs of 
 houses. This will account for the lavish use of 
 English oak timber in houses of the olden time. The 
 tenants used it freely because they could not benefit 
 by it in any other way. 
 
 And if a tree was cut for the tenant's use, he must 
 plant at least two of the same kind ; but we do not 
 learn that he was bound to protect their growth, and 
 in consequence some estates are nearly denuded of 
 timber. The oak bark was the property of the lord 
 of the manor. 
 
 In the important manor or barony of Egremont, 
 the burgesses were obliged to find armed 
 Egremont. men to protect the castle forty days at 
 their own charges ; and occasions would 
 arise when the warder might think the safety of the 
 princely castle depended more on their aid than on 
 the winding of his horn. The people were 
 Aids, bound to what were termed aids ; that is, custo- 
 mary subscriptions for redeeming the lord and 
 his heir from captivity ; for knighting one of his sons ; 
 and towards a marriage portion for one of his daugh- 
 ters. They were to keep watch and ward when occa- 
 sion required on the turrets and battlements of the 
 castle, or elsewhere. They could not enter the lord's 
 forest with bow and arrow, however ineffective these 
 rude and primitive implements might then be in the 
 capture of game. They were not allowed to cut off 
 the feet of their dogs within the borough, such 
 Dogs, being useful in its defence. This restriction 
 points to a custom then obtaining that the 
 dogs kept for defence within the limits of the forest, 
 but outside the borough, were required to have one 
 or more feet lopped off to prevent their chasing the
 
 3 1 8 Ctnnbriana. 
 
 game \ this did not injure them much for the defence 
 of the dweUings. At one time it was intimated to the 
 Egremont tenants that they would be permitted to 
 come into the borough on market days without their 
 bows and arrows, and this impUed an order not to kill 
 the game. A fine of three shillings was 
 Seduction, payable to the lord for seducing a woman 
 belonging to the borough ; but if a rustic 
 outside the borough, no fine was levied, unless under 
 promise of marriage. The tenants of Egremont and 
 Muncaster were bound to attend their respec- 
 Fairs. tive fairs at Egremont and Ravenglass, to pro- 
 tect the trade and merchandise against pirates 
 or a foreign enemy, and were entitled to go into the 
 town field at each place to cut a swathe of grass for 
 their horses. These services entitled the people to 
 the protection of the lord and of his retainers as one 
 large family; and the payments, suits, and services, 
 whether obligatory according to the tenure, or volun- 
 tary as in hunting and other sports, were commonly 
 followed by unbounded hospitality and high revels in 
 the hall of the castle. A custom also 
 Mete Corn, prevailed of bestowing rewards of Avhat 
 was called mete or measured corn to the 
 tenants as encouragement for labour. The burgesses 
 of Egremont could then send two members to Parlia- 
 ment, but this privilege they do not seem to have held 
 in much esteem, as they petitioned to be disfranchised 
 on account of the expenses. This matter might be 
 viewed in a different light in the present century ! 
 The lord of Egremont was only entitled to 
 Credit, forty days' credit, " and no more," for goods 
 he purchased within the manor. It may 
 easily be thought that "good old times," such as these, 
 might suit our ancestors better than we can imagine 
 they would suit ourselves.
 
 Tenure of Land in Ctmiberland. 319 
 
 Many singular customs have existed in various 
 manors, some of which have been redeemed or suf- 
 fered gradually to fall into disuse. But at 
 Customs. the time of their existence, the tenants 
 were punishable for disobedience to or 
 non-observance of these customs, by being compelled 
 to expend the whole produce of the tenement or farm 
 within the same for its improvement, that it might 
 yield a larger fine to the lord on the next occasion. 
 
 Some lords exacted small fines from the 
 Lodgers, tenants for admitting lodgers ; for keeping 
 Goats. goats or a breeding sow ; for allowing swine 
 Swme. to go without bows on their necks, to pre- 
 vent them from creeping through hedges 
 into corn-fields in harvest. 
 
 In the manor of Workington twopence was charged 
 for every meat swine or swine intended for slaughter 
 within the year, and all swine kept in Priestgate and 
 Workington were ordered to be double rung, and 
 bowed before the first day of November. 
 
 Some tenants were restricted from letting or mort- 
 gaging their properties for more than 
 Mortgages, three years without consent ; and some 
 were bound to pay so far as five per cent. 
 on the amount of mortgage for liberty to raise money 
 in that way. 
 
 Possession is given to purchasers and mortgagees 
 at the manor court of Abbey Holme by the steward 
 of the court handing a white rod to the 
 Possessio7i. seller or mortgagor, who passes it to the 
 purchaser or mortgagee, and by him it is 
 returned to the custodian of the court. In some 
 manors a sod is cut by the new owner to denote 
 taking possession ; or a leaf, or a handful of grass, 
 or anything severed from the ground is passed in the 
 same way.
 
 220 Cumhriana. 
 
 In the manor of Wythburn a large stone may still 
 be seen in a field on the west side of Thirlmere Lake, 
 upQn which contracts were made, deeds and wills 
 signed, possession given, money lent or returned, 
 records made, and divers business transactions, mano- 
 rial, parochial, social, and domestic performed, which 
 now require more formal observance. 
 
 Whatever was done on these occasions, with or 
 without stamp, and frequently without pen and ink, 
 or witnesses, or written memorandum at all, was held 
 as obligatory as if done in the most formal manner ; 
 and probably as few instances of non-observance 
 followed this primitive and Scriptural form of contract 
 as are known in the modern time of legal exactness. 
 At one time the lord of the manor granted licenses 
 for keeping public-houses, and the sum 
 Brew Farm, paid him was called a Brew-farm rent ; 
 and above the door of a farm-house of 
 old date at Isel there are still the figures of the ale- 
 jug and drinking cup cut in the stone lintel, as a sign 
 that it was once a brew-fami or public-house. 
 
 Some estates are held by the payment of a rose at 
 Christmas. An estate in Setmurthy is held on 
 Rose, this tenure, and the rose is actually paid at the 
 Christmas audit at Cockermouth Castle. A 
 few years since, when the cultivation of roses was not 
 so well attended to, and the flower was a rarity at that 
 season, a penny was paid annually in lieu of the rose. 
 An estate, here and there, is held by payment of a 
 pepper-corn ; and an estate is known to the 
 Pepper, writer which pays a pound of pepper-corns 
 annually. The adjoining property pays two- 
 pence-halfpenny towards another half-pound of pepper- 
 corns, and the former estate makes up the remainder 
 
 of the cost. 
 
 Our remote ancestors knew the piquant relish of
 
 Tenure of Land in Cumberland. 321 
 
 pepper and spices, and they used the Httle stone-mor- 
 tars seen about old farm houses for pounding or crush- 
 ing the pepper-corns before mills came into use. The 
 hollow of some of these mortars is not much larger 
 than a common breakfast cup, and the outside form is 
 usually square, while some are ornamented with carved 
 work. 
 
 _, A pair of gilt spurs is no uncommon 
 
 ^^^^- payment still, and so is a pair of gloves. 
 
 oves. Some farms pay a Michaelmas goose ; 
 
 %Tlh'j ^^^ some one or more hens. Some pay 
 ^pei/c Hens. ^ ^^^ ^^^ liberty to cut spelks or pegs in 
 
 the lord's woods for pegging down the thatch of their 
 roofs, and these are called spelk-hens. 
 
 A stipulated quantity of corn is paid by some called 
 
 Metlam corn ; and is, or was lately, collected 
 
 Com. by the lord's officers, being measured by them 
 
 in a certain measure called a Metlam peck. 
 
 The wood-warden was entitled to an annual quantity 
 
 of oats, called Forester's com. 
 
 There are, or were, many other singular payments, 
 but the foregoing may convey a general idea of the rest. 
 
 The customs and services not yet recounted are 
 very various, and not a little curious ; they show what 
 devices have been resorted to for securing equivalents 
 for money when that commodity was almost a stranger 
 in the land. 
 
 At the present day Boon services are payable by 
 
 the tenants of many manors, by half-day. 
 
 Boons, whole day, or many days' labour for the lord, 
 
 according to the value of the farm originally 
 
 granted. 
 
 Some Boon-services were paid in ploughing, some 
 in harrowing, others in mowing or shearing, cutting 
 peats, dressing meadows, cutting brackens for litter, 
 or rushes for carpeting the hall on banquet days, cart- 
 
 Y
 
 322 Cmnbriana. ^ 
 
 ing coals or peats, cutting and splitting fire-wood, em- 
 banking rivers, cleansing sowes or ditches, repairing 
 the lord's park wall, catching eels or fish, and various 
 other services. With some of these the workmen had 
 to provide victuals iox themselves and provender for 
 their horses. Others had dinners provided for them. 
 Some had a cake each of regulated sizes for men, 
 women, and boys, provided they made their appear- 
 ance at a certain time and place ; otherwise the cake 
 was forfeited but the work still exacted. 
 
 Before rural post-offices and post-messengers were 
 established, there was a manorial custom prevalent in 
 some parts of Northumberland called 
 Catch Boon. " Catch Boon." Under this custom the 
 lord of the manor could send a servant 
 out directing him to catch, or impress, any one of the 
 customary tenants of the manor and order him to 
 carry a message from his lord to a distance not exceed- 
 ing ten or twelve miles, according to the custom of 
 the manor, the messenger being provided at starting 
 with a prescribed dole of provisions. On his return, 
 he would be entitled to a certificate exempting him 
 from " Catch Boon " service for one year, except in 
 cases of invasion by an enemy. 
 
 The tenants of Holm Cultram were entitled for 
 three days' ploughing, to the veiy liberal allowance 
 of seventeen white herrings, and of 
 Holm Ctdtram. six red ; to a quarter of a " killin," 
 as it was called, probably a quarter 
 of mutton at the killing of a sheep ; a quarter of a 
 salmon ; three wheat loaves ; three loaves of some 
 other kind of bread, called yeoman's bread, most 
 likely of barley or rye ; and three gallons of ale. This 
 seems a large allowance for a ploughman for three 
 days, keen as his appetite is reputed to be, but it must 
 be remembered that nothing is mentioned for the pair
 
 Tenure of Land in Ctimberland. 323 
 
 of horses, and probably four oxen drawing the plough 
 as was then customary, along with three or four men 
 and boys to drive or guide the half-broken animals, 
 and to assist in holding down the plough beam, and 
 to turn the furrows with a spade, which the defective 
 plough of the day would slide over and miss. For 
 every shear-bond, that is, every farm bound to assist 
 his lord in harvest, for three days' work, three loaves 
 (no size mentioned), six white herrings, and three pints 
 of ale. A meagre provision indeed, compared with 
 harvest allowances of the present day ! 
 
 Some tenants near Penrith were bound to bring a 
 number of pack-horse loads of salt annually from St. 
 Bees. If the season happened to be rainy. 
 Salt, they must either rest on their journey home at 
 their own cost during rain, or run the risk of 
 arriving with empty sacks and being sent back in 
 dryer weather. But if they were lucky enough to 
 miss the exciseman, and were able to get their private 
 kegs of Hollands, or smuggled brandy, or tobacco, 
 safe home in the ends of their sacks, they would hardly 
 object to a second journey, let the weather blow rain 
 or fair. 
 
 A small rent, called Greenhue Rent, is paid in some 
 
 manors for liberty to cut green wood or 
 
 Greenhue. brushwood in the forests for fences, hurdles, 
 
 or stakes, and for cropping the ash trees 
 
 when in full leaf to feed milk cows with. 
 
 A door-toll rent was also paid, but for 
 Door-Toll, what purpose the writer has not ascer- 
 tained. 
 In troubled times officers were appointed by the 
 lords of manors whose duties were to blow 
 Cornage. horns on the appearance of an enemy. To 
 pay those officers small rents called Corn- 
 age Rents were paid by the tenants.
 
 324 Cumbriana. 
 
 Some lords could command the services of their 
 tenants to repair the manorial mills and dams and to 
 fetch stones if necessary. 
 
 At Keswick the tenants coming to market had a 
 right to cut grass with a sickle for their 
 Grass, horses, only on market days, on a certain 
 Sivill- piece of swampy land called the Cass, set 
 Wood, apart for that purpose, and for growing Swill- 
 wood, which they might also cut for home 
 use but not for sale. 
 
 So scarce and valuable were peats for fuel in that 
 manor (the manor of Derwentwater), that the tenants 
 were not allowed to keep two fires burning in 
 Ftiel. the same house or toft without license, what- 
 ever the requirements of sickness or feasting 
 might be. And so important was economy held to 
 be in that department, and its non-observance so fla- 
 grant a misdeed, that fines of ten shillings each are 
 recorded in the court-books as having been levied on 
 the offenders. The ten-shilling fine of that day might 
 be equal to about seven pounds at the present time. 
 Commonly one farm in each manor was bound to 
 provide and keep a stallion, another 
 Male Animals, a bull, and another a boar for the 
 free use of the tenants of that manor. 
 There was no obligation to provide good male animals 
 to improve the breed and to prevent the 
 Stallions, annoyance of these free services. It was 
 usual to keep the very worst of stallions, 
 if it only was useful in working on the famr. 
 
 In some manors the lord allowed a piece of land 
 towards the support of those free-serviced animals, 
 and the writer of this lately got rid of the liability to 
 keep a stallion, which no one made use of, by an 
 agreement to restore the stallion field which was of 
 little value but for planting.
 
 Tenure of Land in Cumberland. 325 
 
 When Richard de Lucy granted Mosser to Adam, 
 of Mosser, and his heirs, he received a hart and a 
 hind; a boar and a sow; and an eyrie of hawks, 
 when they shall be there, along with knight's service, 
 &c. 
 
 Some lords of manors are bound to keep a stallion, 
 a bull, boar, or game cock, for the use of the tenants. 
 
 Some customs bind the tenants to find and keep 
 bulls in annual turns. From this had arisen the term 
 of " Town Bull," or " Turn Bull," an animal 
 Bulls, always famed for his powers of oratory, and 
 not always of a peaceful character. In Lowes- 
 water there is a large pasture held in stints or grasses, 
 and several of the farms have each a right to send so 
 many cattle in summer and sheep in winter. These 
 owners are bound in their annual turns to provide a 
 bull for the use of the rest, according to the number 
 of stints they occupy. It is open to each owner in 
 his turn to put in the worst bull he can find, and the 
 rest have no redress. 
 
 The romantic and primitive township of Troutbeck, 
 in Westmoreland, is divided into three parts, which 
 are called hundreds, each hundred having 
 Troutbeck. a large stinted pasture, and each pasture 
 requiring a joint-stock bull annually ; these 
 were called hundred bulls, or bulls to serve the hun- 
 dreds. Some years ago a person was deputed from 
 Troutbeck to a Yorkshire fair to purchase the three 
 bulls for that year. He quietly went to work and 
 bought his number, then made it known that he came 
 with a commission to buy three-hundred bulls. Before 
 long the fair ground was thronged with nearly all the 
 bulls that could be hurriedly brought for his choice. 
 The bull buyer thought he was " doing" the Yorkshire 
 men, but soon the uproar of voices and war of horns 
 very plainly intimated that it was not prudent for him
 
 326 Cumbriana. 
 
 to enjoy his joke any longer, and he left as quickly as 
 he could to avoid more unpleasant results. 
 
 When water power for driving machinery was in 
 small request and the population less numerous, sal- 
 mon were much more plentiful in the streams, and 
 they formed an important item in the provisioning of 
 the country. At that time the tenants of the manors 
 of Ennerdale and Kinniside claimed and took good 
 
 care to enjoy a free stream from the 
 Free Streams, lake to the sea. So jealous of these 
 
 rights were they that they periodically 
 assembled on horseback to ride down the stream of 
 the river Ehen, accompanied by a numerous retinue 
 on foot. If any obstructions were found — in the shape 
 of weirs for mills or otherwise — detrimental to the free 
 ascent of the fish, whether erected by the lord of the 
 manor or others, they were quickly doomed to a ready- 
 handed destruction. On such occasions provisions 
 and drink were either levied from willing contributors, 
 or provided and partaken of at certain places ; and 
 mischievous pranks, often of a very moist character, 
 were slyly or openly practised as opportunity offered 
 (and no doubt they were as duly expected) on every 
 member of the cavalcade. 
 
 History does not record the existence of professed 
 teetotallers in those days ; and probably never a river- 
 riding there ended without some fights and all being 
 made drunk, by compulsion if not by choice; and 
 often quarrels which originated in frolic were settled 
 in earnest, or were tacitly adjourned and remembered, 
 to be decided by warfare at the next river-riding. 
 These customs have gradually fallen into disuse, and 
 the river is doing better service in driving machinery 
 which gives employment to hundreds of people in 
 more profitable ways than preserving open streams or 
 killing salmon.
 
 Tenure of Land in Cnniberland. 327 
 
 There is an extensive variety of quaint, and to our 
 ears, uncouth terms belonging to feudal times and 
 feudal tenures which it is the business of the lawyer 
 and delight of the antiquary alone to preserve and 
 understand. These terms are fast becoming obsolete, 
 we hope not to be revived in practice. 
 
 Many other interesting and some amusing customs 
 might be recorded here, but even patience has its 
 limits, and it may be better to conclude so dry a 
 subject. 
 
 Note. — The Earl of Derby claimed the royalty of 
 part of a field in the parish of Dalton, near Lindal, 
 for an extent sufficient to graze three langled sheep, 
 and it was set out on the east side of the field, about 
 sixty feet wide, and comprises about two acres, which 
 is found to contain a very large body of valuable 
 iron ore. 
 
 THE END. 
 
 Callander & Dixon, Printers, 3 Market Place, Whitehaven.
 
 h
 
 ct' 
 
 
 This book is DUE on the last 
 
 ^•p.i Li\-\date stamped below. 
 
 i W6 
 
 51918 
 
 10M-1 1-50 12355,470 
 
 REMINGTON RAND INC. 20
 
 ^ 
 
 UC SOUTHERN REGIONAL LIBRARY FACILITY 
 
 AA 000 393 436 i
 
 
 'v;'^-->^;%sag5i^K!s5^i5JSsK^^^j^ 
 
 
 i * 
 
 r 
 
 I: