; HP- n "* r.l* f . THE LIBRARY OF THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA PRESENTED BY PROF. CHARLES A. KOFOID AND MRS. PRUDENCE W. KOFOID \ >Tla/Yl/aJ- IN MEMORY OF MANY A KIND WORD FITLY SPOKEN, THIS WORK IS GRATE FULLY DEDICATED BY THE AUTHOR TO GEORGE A. SALA. Dus shpoke der Meister Trongemond, Who two und sefenty Lands had knowned " Fremde Sitten,freindes Land Macht dich mit Dir selbst bekannt ; " ** Foreign Life und Lands I trow, Make a Man himself to know, But at Home, ash on a Shelf, You ll nefer learn to know Yourself." Troo de forests, troo de valleys, Like a leaf py preezes hurled, From de palace to de galleys, Ve pehold a various worldt. Id is bleasant ven we wander, Troo such shiften scenes, indeed, Und likevise ven we can ponder, Ofer vot in pooks we read : For you meet mit many sages, See fool many tafern-signs, Dravellin ofer brinted pages, On de pat way of de lines. Tis not always yoost py shpeedin Troo a land dot we crow wise ; Many a man has learnt py readin 5 More dan vot he saw mit eyes : Men who troo de vorldt hafe scudded, Of exberience make a poast, Boot we find dot dose who ve studied, Is de vons vot see de most ; He dot s learned in Art und History, 3 M31.0401 He vot dinks while yet at home Is de Mann dot find no mysdery In de Lander vhere he roam ; He vot s learnet to sing de pallads Efen from pooks vote er pefal Talk de language mix de salads, Dakes de shine out of dem all ! Dus de buzzle is onravelled, Dough id may seem sdrange to some, Dat de men who moost hafe trafelled, Ofden nefer left deir home ; Reading vakens expecdadion ; Expecdadion preeds tesire ; Ach ! ivie schon die gonsummation Ven we kit vot we require ! Derefore BREITMANN, who, like Lysses, Hafe seen men und cities too, Known Life s heighds mit ids apysses, Scribed dis liddle pook fer you, Hopin dot his Drafel-Bictures, Dough not plessed mit too moosh learnin , Und too liaple to strigtures, Shdill may vake in you de yearnin To pehold de tifferent beoples, Lands mit castles, downs mit towers ; Dom-catedrals mit deir shdeebles ; Kinder Mddchen Gartens viewers Und die A I men on de Alpen In de Sonnc like Smaragd, 4 Und de roads mit Reiters gall pen On deir horses to d&Jagd) Und de dorrents doun de rockses, In der schone land Tyrol ; Und die Senrfrin tendin flockses In her schwarze KamisoL Und de Kneips of de Student en, Vhere you paws to squinch your durst Garkiiche mit Hiihnchen Enten Sauer-kraut und Leber- Wurst, Dices rattlin vellers jokin Mit de beer-maids schmuck and tall ; Glasses foamin Burschen shmokin, Wreaths a hangin on de wall, Ack die bunten schonen Bilder, Dot pefore mein fision bass ! Vot enrapdure und pewilder, Yoost like bictures in a glass, Dot coom peepin sdrangely at you, Shdartlin at you ven you least expec ; Like de Muttergottes sdatue From deir Nische on de Eck\ Oh dot all my Memory musters, Yoost might bass indo my ben, Und like grapes in shinin clusters Send goot wein to you again ! For de pizness of de writer 1st not merely to repeat, Boot to make his sgetch, dough lighter, 5 3 Mit a sbirit shdill more sweet : Nun! der Breitmann may hafe missed it : Dough he roamed from Ost to West, Boot howefer fate may twist it, Shdill he did his lefel best : Tid his pest in hopeful shpirit ; Dot s mit hope to bleasure yoti : Vorkin hardt some braise to merid More dan dot no man can do. 6 CONTENTS. PAGE PRELIMINARY NOTICE . .II CHAP. i. ON SHILDREN S PLAYS, MIT DER BALLADE OF HIES L DER PAD LIDDLE POY . . 2$ II. ON DE GIGANTIC VIRDUE OF GERMAN PATIENCE, MIT DE HISTORIE OF GERMAN GIANTS IN TIROL . . 35 III. ON DE HAPIT OF SHTARIN AT STRANGERS DENN ON TREATIN PEOPLE AS FOOLS UNO ITS CRATE DANGER. DE BALLADE OF NARR-HANS L . . . . 5 1 IV. WHY DE GERMAN TOURISTS DO TELESCOPES CARRY. DE YANKEE GALS MIT A SPY GLASS UND VOT DEY SAW ! DE BALLAD OF KATRINA BAUER WHO DE PROFESSOR KILLED . . . . -65 V. OF DE TOUN OF HALL, WITCH IS ALL PE-SALTED. HOW DER BRE1TMANN THIRSDY GOT, UND MADE LOFE TO DE PEAUDIFUL BEER GIRL. DE SHTORY OF GEORG L, UND DE WONDERFUL BALLADE OF DER GOAT MIT DER SHPOON . . -75 7 Contents. VI. VY DE ALL-ALONELINESS OF NATUR MIT SPOOKS AND OFER-NATURAL PEIN s GEFILLED IS. DE BALLAD - SHTORIES OF DE KAUNSER- WITCH DE HAZEL -WITCH DIE BELL OF KALTEIN UND DIE WOONDERFULL PEASE 10$ VII. A SHTORY FROM BOTZEN DE DEAD HEAD VOT MAKE DE FORTUNE OF DER STUDENT JOHANNES . . . . ^ VIII. ON TYROLESE FIG-COFFEE UND DE SOCIOLOGICAL DEDUCTIONS FROM IT. MIT A BALLADE APOUT DIS DING OF CHEMICAL META- GENESES UND MYSDERIOS METASTASES . 145 TYROL. DE TYROL. EINLEITUNG UND VORSTELLUNG, OR DEK INTRODUCTION. As dere is no gettin into an friendtship mitout acquaindance und no way to kit broperly into Acquaintance mitout an Introduction, I dink it would pe fery peautiful to make a liddle von for de Tyrol, yoost here, in de apropopriate blace; or in de Begin ; fer ash de proferb say, Die rechte Zcit und die schlcctc Zcit, mcin Licbcr bcidc gehn vorilbcr : Right dimes, or wrong or pad dey say Moost mit der Time all bass afay. Now dis vouldt pe de right dime und blace, cerdainly, to mendion all de books dot efer was scribed on de Tyrol, since dot shows vot a donderin lot de learnet author hafe readt, ii Preliminary Notice. und so I a pocma pegun, mit de ditles of all de Buchs dot efer were maket on dis sobyect vot in dis wise goed : Oh den, oh Muse vot fire de poet s soul, Yoost help me mit de Buchs on de Tyrol ! Dere s foorst of all in Englisch und in German : " Through the Aaltberg"byLudewigvon Hermann Und denn Herr Grohmann mit an artisdt s ease, Wrote " Die Tyrol-land, and de Tyrolese." " De Hol days in Tyrol" py Walter White Was also gife de readers moosh telight, " Untiotten Beaks und Oonfrequented Valleys " Vas von of Melia Edwards prilliant sallies (I knew dot laity, und I hafe gonfest Dot she vas learned mong de learnedest) ; "De Valleys of Tirol," py Miss R. Busk, 1st like a fairy-legend read at dusk ; (Dis writeress too I met von dimes in Rome). Amththor s Tirolerfiihrer is a plum, De Illustrirter Fiihrer durch de Alps, Among de Buchs mit bictures dake de scalps ; De " Gossensass," by Noe, is a dreat (Roast Goose mit Appel-sass ist alfays shweet). Mit Goosensass likewise to pass your time, Dere is " Roswitha," named " Von Gandersheim," x 1 " Roswitha von Gandersheim," 80 pfennig. Uni- versal-Bibliothek, von P. Reclam, Leipzig, 1894. 12 Preliminary Notice. Pecause vot Natur yoins we should not sunder, Sauce for de Goose is also for de Gander ; " Auf Etsch und Eisach," by Brachvogel too (rac/ivoge\ means a plover, dot is true In life, ash at de table, tis de use To see de " game " a-followin de goose.) Drei Sommer in Tirol, py Ludwig Steub, May enderdain you ash you shmokes your pipe. Berg, Burg und Thalfarten bet M ran und Bozen, Maket men take Alpenstocks und pull deir coats on ! Und mit telight to set you all a-cryin , Uere s Ignaz Zingerle his Schildereien : Also a liddle Buck, py C. H. C. On Innsbruck gifen to guests, py Charles Landsee, Vot keept de foorst hotel in all de blace : A work, dough small, reblete mit sense und grace. Good like de nople house from vitch it cooms : In dot Tiroler Hof\ hafe mine rooms, Und from its name it flashed indo my soul, To write dis work oopon das Land Tyrol But when he hat cot dus far de aut or is be- shamed to say dot he shtop short und proke toun oonder de hoomiliadin reflecdion dot mit de excepdion of de last-mendionet he hafe not seen de first von of all dese books und really know nodings at all apout dem teufel a pit ! Now I bote veel und know dot efery veteran 13 Preliminary Notice. of de press (yea, und efen de fery girl-peginners), moost tespise soosh a krankhafte Gcwisscnhaftig- keit, or morpid conscientiousness, in a man vot hafing de whole List of Buchs pefore him, maket any scruple of rottlin on apout dem as if he hat de whole py hearts, Lock und Stock ganz und gar. Nun, gut, dere is no help for id id isn t in me. So I givet id oop ! Denn a frische Idee let idself in oopon my Mind, ash an old proferb rosed oop like a shtar into de ooter leaden mitnight of my bcdunkelte Seek, und dot vas : " Welcher Esel die Pauken nicht kann schlagen, Muss die Sack zur Miihle tragen." [A donkey vot gannot peat on a drum, Still may garry de sacks from de mill to home.] Und id gome to me as a ganz origmcller Gcdanke, or notion vot nopody efer hat pefore, inshtet of makin mein work oud of oder Buchs to write id endirely out of mine own het, und ex- beriences und nod Borrow nodings from Nopody of any gonsequence. To pe sure dis is roonin Preliminary Notice. crate risks, for, ash efery pooplisher knows, Novel ties in Literatur are fery tangerous und dis is von of de most shtartin kind. Howefer, dot is de way it was done. Now de Werlt is cot to pe so wicked, und de dricks of de Trade is pecome so numperless. dot dere will pe Volks who will occuse me of hoompuggin, efen here yoost ash der Teufel said to de holy Hermit, u Thou art a sanctimonious hypocritic " (as is told py Agricola) boot if any soosh dere are, dey may yoost shear off to dem teufel und shake demselfs. Denn acain, I have tone vot indeed no German writer cfer tid pefore me, since de fery peginning of dime, or de fore-gone Edernity und avoidet afery tempdation to display mine learnin or form theories of Origins of names in Hishtorie. Dus, for examble, when I foundt out dot Nopody really knew pefore me vot de wort Tyrol means und de undeniaple truth coom to me ash I learnt id from an old peasant- Baucr I shdill refrainet from mentionin id. For id abbears dot de early inhopitants of dis landt who were Giants, lifed on dop of de moundains, und ven dey wanted to go into Innsbruck, dey Preliminary Notice. yoost rolled doun into de valley, from whence dey were callet De Rollers, or Ty-rolers albeit I was tolt py a Suabian Gelehrter, or learnet man, dot it was more likely dot it come from rollbar, or de rolliii 1 of de tongue, pecause de unhappytants of dis favoured land are so giftet mit gab, und }\?S.Q proverpially^Q much Schwatz- haftigkcit or loquacity. I hafe also refrain from mentionin dot Inns bruck commed from de Wort In und Bruch, a bog or flat blace or site, und nod from de rifer Inn and Brilckc, a pridge, vitch latter is indeet fery plausiple, und naturly hafe misleated many shmall soaperficial foolologists. Somedings may howefer be said for de Theorie dot id is derivet from de Inns or hotels vitch hafe pecome so common since de Englisch volk hafe dook to comin here, vitch schicssen ivie die Pilzc ans der BrncW hervor dot is vitch shoot like mush rooms from der BrucW or level ground py which it is also interestin to be-mark dot mush rooms intimate dot dere is so mush, or much, or so many rooms in dem. All dese demptations hafe I most oonscrupu- 16 Preliminary Notice. lusly avoidet to show de Reater dot it is bossiple, efen for a German writer on Deutsche soobyects in a German land, to geep glear of all Germanism ven he redress a British American publicum, hafin mineself, like dem, a crate Abscheu or horrorple disgoost for too much talkativeness alvays pearin in mind de wise sayin of Walter von der Vogelweide, who vas himself a Tyroler : " Keep a guardt oopon your tongue, Dat is goot for oldt or young ; Shut de polt pefore de door, Speak no idle wort no more. 5 * Now dere is anoder fery crate Originality in dis Buch. As it has peen saidt, " few men can live mitout a master or a wife," so dere is no German dot can write oonless under de over- rulin needcessity, und iron rule of de Unities, or makin his whole Buch a logical und gon- 1 Hittet iuvver zungen, Das zimt wol den jungen ; Stoz den rigel viir die tiir, La de keine boese wort dafiir. 17 B Preliminary Notice. nectet whole ; vereas dis of mine gonsists altogeter of Skizzen, or Skits, or Skitches of dings, yoost ash dey corned along. Dere is a curious oldt proverb dat " ven der Rhein is vonce in de Ocean he nefer dinks of the 111 " dot is a liddle rill vot roon into id. Yoost so, most trafel-writers try to pe Seas or keep de sea in sight vhile dis mein Buch is all of rivulets ! So oop and down, denn roonin pack, Like waves on de beach at play ; Und fitful ash a yoompin Yack, Our fancies flit afay. Und so id is, oh reater dot de mind of de Drafeller, drawn from object to object, yoomps from idee to idee like a monkey from pranch to pranch in a dropical forest for vitch reason I hafe made dis chapder motley und varied, dat you may oonderstand from de peginnin , or Anfang (so callet pecause it is dere dot men catch holt), dot dis Buch vill pe a changin kaleidoscope, und not a panorama of von subject a work multiform und multifarious, of characder manifold und vielseitig, or many-sided, yea, 18 Preliminary Notice. heteregeneous, motley, mosaic, indiskcriminal, desultory (und Liberal), irreckular und reckless, diverse und prose, all sorts of kinds und unkinds, et hoc gcmts omne und vot nod? dc omnibus rebus et quibusdam aliis. For de man who drafels most is de von who sees de most und dinks de most in cratest Variety und nod de von who yoost cofer de most groundt. Derefore, ash you will fore-saw, dere will pe a crate deal of fery fine confused feedin in dis Buch. (A bause.) . . . Dock writer mine tear reader yoost, a liddle few words more ! It corned to pass oopon a dimes vonce dat a crate gramme-arian or von of de kindt dat himself mit liddle grains or pig scruples efer busies in language, to me told, dot he didn t dink moosh of mine Teutonic English, pecause I de same worts sehr oft fery decidedly und tifferently bronounced und written hafe. Vitch ist fery drue, und I mineself dereto special attention do call. For I peg you all to be- 19 Preliminary Notice. mark dat dere was yet nefer porn nor on dis Eart a humane bein und most of all a Deutscher immortal who while learnin a language I gare not vot or vhen tid not somedimes bronounce or out-speak in two or dree tifferent ways de same ding. I dink dis learned Mann " hat mir cigcntlich nicht in die Pfanne gehaut" or " not got de petter in a controfersy" ash der Herr BORCHARDT exblain de sayin , vitch mean literally, to coot anypody up to liddle bieces, und denn fry em ! Now not to talk too moosh I mendion all dis to remint der Reader dat de diversification und dissim-hilarity mismatchedness of de shpellin is de result of crate und profound study of mine vellow-countrymen vot hafe nod as yet ottain to soosh broficiency in English as Mineself. Now I shvear, py mine Ink und Penstand ! dot it ist no half hour since I dalk English mit a Tyroler, und may I pe plessed if dot veller bronouncet any dwo Worts alike sogar auf Deutsch, he saidt, "Jao-ja" for "Yes, yes." One wouldt dink dot his expressions all saidt of von anoder vot der Teufel saidt of de 20 Preliminary Notice. chimney-shweep : " Lass ihn ein er ist imr dhnlich " " Let him com in he looks some- ding like me." Und yet furder : It ofden happen dot de Critikers or Crickets, efen vhen dey are ooterly or oonooteraply telightet mit a Buch, all de way troo, shtill vant to find some liddle Fehlers or faults, so ash to abbear imbartial. Und to shpare dem disples I hafe here und dere put in some -bloonders und defects, to oplige dem. Und aldough it is saidt Aqm la 11011 captat muscas (^Eacles tont hawk at vlies), shtill dere is som who cotch at brinter s errors, et cetera, und hint dem all on de author aldough he may hafe corrected dem tree dimes ofer as has ofden happened to me, mineself ; now, to oplige dem, I hafe gemaket seferal dings all wrong yoost to help em along may der Lort brosper oos all in our kindly intentions ! So dot if de reader find anyding dot tid not gefall or blease him, I peg him to rememper dot it vas poot in mit Absicht or fell intention, to prefent das Buch from pein too goot. Wouldt dot all writers hat dis Bcschcidcnheit 21 Preliminary Notice. or Modesty, like me, und nod make demselfs oppear as schamlos py pretendin to perfecdion ! It is dis veelin of irrebressiple modesty vot me dus far prefented hafe from mention vot a crate-full-ologist to me oncet expressed at an Oriental Congresse und it vas priefly dis : a Vhen de vlyin machine of Maxim shall hafe pecome an Axiom or estaplished Sayin or Trut und avery pody vly efery where like pumple-pees denn de oferpowerin preponter- ance of de English or Angelic-Saxon und German races vill it to pass pring dot Brcit- mannese vill pe de sole language of de future for de entire human races ! Dot is to say dot Pidgin English mit German gemixt, und mitout any bodders of grammar or shbellin , or syntaxes, or any oder kinds of taxes on our sins or impatiences, will bredominate und dere you are! " u Dot // set em up a dalkin " ash de old lady said ven she put rum in her visidors tea " if anyding will " und it tid ! I leafe de gontemblation of dis stubendous future to my reaters ! Also it was beknown dot de studie of de 22 Preliminary Notice. Breitmann writings form de pest und easiest Einlcitung, dot is an In-leading or Introduction to de German language dot is as yet refealed to humanity, or de Menschheit. I go not far as a friendt of mein in Philadelphia tid, vot teclare dot readhr dem made him veel more Dutchy as de Dutches demselfs Germanior quam Gcrmanos ipsos for I feer dot was mere fluttery. Dere is, however, von liddle anecdote which I myself to omit not can pring. In a high, well-born Englisch Familie, where de German unto de shildren ge-learned was, dese yung uns access had to a copie of mine Ballads, which dey py hearts got. Und de result was dot dey beginned to talk to von anoder in soosh a Dialekte dot die Mutter de first wort of vot dey saidt not understand could sogar a North German dot dere came, teclared he only a liddle here and dere begripped. Boot ven in dot familie a Professor from Tubingen arrifed he listen like von who was ruptured mit telight, und denn to de Mutter said : " Madame, I hafe in de most cultured circles in England peen, boot anyding so understand- Preliminary Notice. aple as de speechfullness of your shildren, I nefer ge-heard hafe." Und ven dese kinders to Munich ge-taken were, de fery foorst tay dey shut up de cook mit sass, und shkared a Schornsteinfegcr } or chimply - shweep, white ! I att no more ! Doch ! yet von more remark. Der Tii- binger Professor, of whom I spoken hafe, ven he left England, put on his cards, B.B.C., dot is Bour Brendre Conge so I adds hier a Bebe S or a post-postscript dot is dot if de public like dis Buch apout de Tirol, dere may vollow bossiply Hans Breitmann in Italy or New Jersey or Brighton or Egypt or Russ- land or in Zigeunerland, vitch is Eferywhere yoost as de Sales, und de Critics may determine I peing guidet brincipally py de first und mostly py de last. Und dis is, I peliefe, mine last Wort. Now you may pegin readin de Buch! 24 CHAPTER I. ox SHILDREN S PLAYS, MIT DER BALLADE OF HIES L DER PAD LIDDLE POY. " Daz was noch gar ein Kindes spil." WOLFRAM VON ESCHENBACH, Parzival (557, 12). " Cavalcar la capra verso il chino." Proverbii di Orlando Peschetti, 1618. DER BREITMANN sat in a gorner of de peaudiful public Garden, or Park, of Innsbruck or in dat spezial Eckc vhere de pest Lager Bier is dis- penset py de Geschwister Tiefenthaler under de shady drees alles sehr schon und he vatch a ten or dwelf liddle girls, von of vitch vas a shmall poy in an old-vashioned coat doun to his heels like a Noah s Ark, und a long cock-tails in his hat. Dey were a-blayin a Kindspicl a game, vitch 25 Hans Ereitmann In dey egsecutit dusly : Dey all make a ring und danced roundt, a-singin in Deutsch " Im Friihling, im Friihling Da ist die schonste Zeit, Da freuen sich die Junge Und auch die Alte heut," [De Spring-dime de Spring-dime, Dot is de fairest, true, Denn young folk all rejoices, Likevise de old vons too.] Den de shildren shtopped and sang " Der Schuster, der Schuster, Der macht es immer so." [Der shoemak er, der shoemak er, He always work yoost so !] Den de Kinders all pegan to make pelieve bore holes mit awls in de Ledder and make schuhs. Denn dey all tantz round again and sing " In Spring-time, in Spring-time," und denn dey imitated a Schulmeister , ven all 26 Germany Tyrol. de pig shildren vip de shmall vons, and der liddle poy cot pehind-shpanked vorst of all, dough he hat peen der most shtillest and pestest in de whole gommunity. Denn dey goed on to show how deir Vater shmoked a pipe, und die house-maid shweep de vloor, und der Onkel trink bier, und so on mit all de oder Industriell bursuits und avocadions of de mittel class mit de Tantz-chorus. u Dot blay," remark der Herr Professor Bum- belchen, vot had accompanit Hans to dis Szene of innocent Mirt und jufenile Festivitat u is drawn from de Mittel Ages, vot dook it in toorn from de more older dimes of Rome und id was an apridged form of de vamous Gcwerbsziige, a processions of de trades, in which dey march singin de praises of Spring, while dey practise deir callings." u y^7, so ! " rebly Hans. " Das ist aber schr intercssant. Dot is fery inderestinV " De shildrens," pursued der Herr Professor, " are de chroniclers und breserfers of more folk lore, dann de Worlt dinks of." "I hafe observet," remarkt Hans, "dot de 27 Hans Ereitmann in shildren in der Tyrol are mosdly fery well pehaved." " Dot comes," reblied der Professor, " pecause dere is so many Popanze or Boogaboos or dings dot deir Mutters frighten dem mit, to make dem pehafe. Vhere de shildrens is pecome Agnos- tiker and tont believe in pug-bears, und are not horror-strook und terrorised und shocked mit awe at ideal phantoms as in America dere dey are all de paddest vons ash you can find. Ja wo/2/. Dough inteed we hafe not soosh a tremendous lot of Kinder schrecker as dey hafe in Ungarn, as you may read in de fery inde- restin articles written by Ludwig Kalmany. 1 For dere dey have a Pope, der Arkus-Barkus^ der Bubus und Mumus und Lcle und Mokan mit efer so many more ja de shildren in Hun gary most pe fery goot if dey surfife it ! Howefer, we hafe cot a goot many of de same sort of scare-crows or scare-boys among oos as you may yoodge from dis story." 1 Given in die Ethnologische Mitteilimgen aus Ungarn. Budapest. Edited and published by Anton Herrmann. 28 Germany *fyroL Denn der Professor telled his legend, und der Breitmann was so compressed mit it, dot he singed it in rhyme as vollows indo a boem : HIES L. Dis is a tale of de tays of oldt, Of Gratsch, a blace in de wild Tyrol t. Hies l of Kircherhof, on de Green, Was der worst liddle poy dot nefer vas seen ; Vot beoples calls a Gassenbiib" 1 Dot roons on de shtreets a-rollin a hoop, A whistlin , a shkreemin , or trowin shtones, De kindt vot parents looks at mit groans ; De poys dot vherefer dey com mit deir fun, De togs all park und de Katz all run ; Gott keep all Vaters und Mutters bof 5 From shildren like Hies l of Kircherhof! Von tay his Mutter : " Mein Hies l," sait she, " Dou moost try for a petterer poy to be, Und keep from dis trowin shtones und squarrels, Und do dein pestest to mend dy morals : Und ven de Ave Maria bell rings At evenin , stay home like averydings, Und don t go blayin in efery alleys, Mit all de vagapond Toms und Sallys ; For tis well pe-known, ash all remark, Dere are dreatful Dings vot browl in de dark 29 Hans Breitmann in Dere s de Schreckenhund so plack und crate, Mit eyes of fire ash bick ash a plate ; Und die Griine Hexe de green oldt witch Vot go for all pad liddle poys mit a svitch ; Und die Frau i>on Hitt vot ride on a horse, Und carry dem off in a sack of course ; Und der Kdsemannlein vot look like sheese, Doot coots deir leeks short off at de knees ; Und die Norgen who alvays deir work pegins Py prickin pad poys to deat mit pins ; Und der Eismann vot grap em und nefer shtop Dill he carry dem off to de mountain-dop, Und poonishes all deir grimes und vice Py toornin 5 dem into loomps of ice. Likewise der derriple Wilder Mann, Vot skhare em to deaf so moosh ash he kann ; Und die Grosse Trude vot live in de fiel s, Boot com indo town pad poys to shteals ; Und die Wasser Frdulein vot rise from de lake Und gifes dem bieces of pies mit cake, Und dakes dem all from de land or shore, Und dey nefer peholds deir Mutters no more, So doun in das Wasser dey haf to shtay Vhere she vips und vollops dem efery tay ; Und der Orgo dot mak t de shildren fare ill, For he has a mout as pig ash a barrel ; Dere into der same soosh kinder he stecks, Und eat em all oop exgsep de leeks : Dis a terriple sight dot mout so wide Mit de leeks of shildren hangin outside ! 30 Germany Tyrol. Und der Pechmannerl so derriple, vitch Has haar so plack dot it shine like pitch, He com to beoples mit a shmile Boot is pent on killen em, all de vhile ; Und die Wichtelmannerj or liddle elfs, Dot is fery moosh like bad poys demselfs, Und are always tryin de same to fix Mit some kind of gruel und efil dricks ; Und der Piitz l or Butz, vot trow you mit shtones Und shen rally ents by preakin your pones ; Und der Neckgeist dot mocks und jeers so pad, Who shneers you alvays dill you go mad ; Und der Fanga dot cotch you mit a charm Und garry you off all oonder his arm ; Und die Waldfrciuleins mit de Willeivciss, Mit die Wilde Dime, dot in a drice Fly away mit poys to a tisdant shore ; Dere is all of dese and a hundert more, Dot will surely cotch you my Hies l mark ! If you roon apout in de shtreets py dark." Boot der Hies l gared not a pin not he For all his Mutter s Mytologie ; Nay he dinked he wouldt like to hafe a looks, If dey coom in his way, at som of dese spooks, So now you shall hear how dis ding he tried, Und how his tesire was sottisfied. Dot fery efenin ash shtill ash a mouse Dis Hies l sofdly shdeal from de house 31 Hans Breitmann in Foorst of all ash de Clock shtrike Elf A biece of fruit-bread and denn himself, Und shlip out of toors, und denn pegun A loafin apotit to look for fun, Like many olders who d petter keep Demselfs in deir Betts und go to shleep, Dill all of a sutten der poy tid note Yoost near pefore him a peaudiful goat, A fine plack goat right dere in de Eck Mit a pell a ringin around its neck. " Hooray !" cried Hies l u de game s pegun, Mit dot Goat I ll go it und hafe some fun. A goat is ash goot as a pony to ride." So oop on de Billy he gets ashtride, Und sure ash you live for id all is drue Avay like a race-horse de onimal flew, Und der Hies l, telighted, gry out, " Hip, ho ! Dis is de vay for a veller to go ! " Yen he mark dot dis Goat dot vas plack ash a nigger, Pegan to enlarge und crow visiply pigger, Und ash it crew pigger pegan for to vly Ofer de Houser und oop to de sky, Afay, afay in de silentzed night, Dill Hies l cot horrored und shkreem mit fright, Und vished he nefer had goned out blayin , Und vas safe in his Bett mit his home acain ! Germany Tyrol. Now Hies l, his Mutter, had long pegun To veel fery ooneasy apout her Sohn ; She knowed dot his dricks und his little vays Wouldt pear a watchin py nights or tays ; So vhen she had foundet he d left das Hans, She caught oop her ponnet und busted heraus, Und rooned ash if led py som shpirit or shtar, Along de roads in de fielts afar, She knovv d not whidder she wist not where, Like a bird dot is whirled on a shtorm troo de air, Or a flock of schnow, or a hoonter s dart, Vhen Someding a soodenly maket her start ! For she heardt far ofer her het a gry ; She lookt und peholdet abofe in de shky Ach Himmel ! vot sights for a Mutter to note ! Her Hies l a-ridin a Billy-goat! She trilled mit de horribelest alarms, Her shpirit was shlog mit teadly squalms, Yet e en in dot instinct of vild tespair, She ootered a brief-compacted brayer, Yoost " Ave Maria /"no more in fac , Vhen der Goat trow d Hies l off of his pack ! Off like an arrow ge-shot from a pow Boot ha ! dere s an Oak-dree a crowin pelow ! He is safed he is won ! Donnerwetter, vot yoy ! For de pranches shoot out und cotch holt of der poy ! Like hands mit fingers dey clasp him soft, Und Hies l is helt py de dwigs aloft, Und die Mutter look oop und vot did she see Boot der Hies l a-schwingin on dop of a dree ! 33 c Hans Ereitmann in Germany. Von Chronik say dot, " Es ist wahr Sie holt iJm hcrab mit Lebensgefahr" : Dot means dot de brave und tefotet Wife Did glimp und safe Hies l py riskin her life ; Boot anoder teclare dot de beoples in town Coom oop mit a latter und rescued him down. I cannot say vitch id vould vex a Saints To settle so many Chronic gomplaints. All dot I know, twas py Huber-Ried Dot Hies l was caught py der dree, inteed, Und a liddle chapel was pilt dere, to show Dis dings vot hoppen d so long aco, Mit a peautiful carvin in which de folk May see Hies l a shtickin on dop of de oak, Mit a Gotic-Latin inscribtion vot shtate, It dook blace in Twelf hundret und Forty Eight. From vitch I inver und I write it mit yoy, Dot HiesP reform t to a fery goot poy, Und berhops in dime corned into a Saint, Dough for dis I ll not schvear dot he is or he ain t. Now all liddle poys if dis meet your eye, (Und also some pigger vons py de py), Yoost learn from it de Triit vot I dell, If you mind your Mutter you ll alfays do veil, For in avery dings id is cerdainly drue Your Mutter knows pest vot is goot for you, For mit all de visdom dis vorld enyoys, De Mutters know pest how to manage de poys, Vedder cley re meant to pe briests or laymen : Gott keep dem all in his mercy. . . . Amen ! 34 CHAPTER II. ON DE GIGANTIC VIRDUE OF GERMAN PATIENCE, MIT DE HISTORIE OF GERMAN GIANTS IN TIROL. " Pazienza disse il lupo al asino." " Pazienza vince Scienza." " Patientia, tempus, pecunia Will put any discord in ttme-ia. Patentia, patientium, Said Saint Antonium." Italian Proverbs. " In Comitatu Tyrolensi prope Oenipontum (Inns bruck) est monasterium nomine Wiltavium, in quo ostenditur Gigas ingentis, et stupendae magnitudinis nomine Haymon. Cujus sepulchrum pedes quindecim longum, leganturque ibidem intercasteros hi versus Supra octingentos a Christi et septuaginta Annus et octavus cum moreretur, erat Vnde vides grandem tumuli sub imagine formam, Ex ligno prisco quam posuere patres, 35 Hans Breitmann in Aspice ferrato regem dormire cubili, Corpora quod cubitos asquat atroce novem." De Gigantibus (In Miraculia Vivorum, auctore Henrico Kornmanno, A.D. 1614). DE Tyrolers are all a bleasant, yolly, goot- nadured, glean, gemuthliche folk deswegen, or derefore, all their downs und fillages hafe a friendly outlook, for id ist alfays visible vot beoples ist like, ven you sees how dey life, und how dey keep deir homes. Yoost ash in Italy dere is alvays somedings schlotterig und schlum- pig, or loafery, slummy und slumpy apout de shdreets und houses, mit all deir peauty, so de Tyroler views, or onsights, are onvariaply neat mit romandic elegance, pecause mosd of the volk talks Deutsch ven anypody ist lookin on, und gopples Italienisch mong demselfs ; dot is a kind of Katidcrivalsch vot vouldt have droved Petrarch indo fits mit all his knowingness of Italian Dia- lecte. Und ven der Herr Breitmann corned indo de Marie Theresien Strasse, he trowed oop his het like an ox trow oop his horns ven he coom to a hill, und exglaim : " Donnerwetter 1 dot is vot I lets undo mineself pe called wonder- 36 Germany Tyrol. shiny peaudiful ! " for he moost allow dot in all his drafels he hat nefer seen a more preddier brosbcctus. Dis Strass is so breit dot id sees out more like a Platz or biazza dan a shdreet, und de lines of houser on eider site is made of pildings vitch ven not palastartig or paladial, are all-dings foorst rate painter-ish, und lets demselfs coom indo fievvs for de opera. Yoost in de Mitte dere heaves idself up de Anna-Saule, a colomn of red Tyroler marple vot tower on high mit a Mtitter- gottcsbild, like it would lift de Madonna oop to heafen. As if id vould soar oopward In de evening-cloudy glow ; Vile castin a shadow townvards Oopon de folk pelow ! In dot Wag, Breitmann bewoondered die Spital-Kirche, vhere dere is a Predigt or breach ing in Italian afery Sunday, und going-ofer or opposite a lordtly house whereon is a boost of der poet and musiker der crate Herrman von Gilm. 37 Hans Ereitmann in "Da liegt cm Musikant bcgrabcn" say der Breitmann, u yen nod in der pody, dock yet in der spirit ven nod in de field, boot stattlich or stately in der Stadt." Dere too he peheldt de Ottenthal House und de Landhaus constroocted py Anton Gump. " Dat ist de virst dime," said der Breitmann, " dot I efer heardt of a crate Gump vot do anyding defer ! " All aroundt und afar und peyond on high, rosed a fringe of shnow-tipt moundains, vot seem so nigh und yed so far even vile de Sonn is hot in de shdreets, und oldt vomen is selling beaches und figs on der corners. So ein dirsty, weary Deutscher lets dem daste goot to himself ven he coom across de Alpen into so ein golden Fruchtenland or fruit-land. Also vas he let himself be bleased mit de Fruchtenbrod or fruit-bread vot you see in all de baker-cake shops. Dis is gomposed mit rosins, ficks, almondts, pine-kernels, und pits of fery hard shweet stoff, paked in a croost, mit shpice und sugar. De English beoples dink it dastes like a handfoll of crabble-shtones gemixt mit molasses, or prown sugar but de Deutschers und 38 Germany Tyrol. Tyrolers lofes id all de same as mintz-py, und calls it Engclbrot or angel-pread. Ja, der crate Hungarian joker Moritz Jokai say in a romance dot de folk in Hungary bities the oder beoples in de lands vhere Fruchtenbrod is unbeknown, und voonder vot yoy dey can find in life mitout id. For de gustibus 11011 est disputandum, dere is no use in squirreling about daste dough I gonfess I findt it hardt to pelieve, ven I hear dot dere is in dis vorldt beoples vot ton t love Sauer kraut, nor caviare. Veil-veil ! so id goes ! Ei m jeden gefallt seine Weise wol Drum ist die Welt der Narren voll. [All beople dinks deir own taste sound, Derefore do fools so moosh apound.j " Und de moral of id ist, dot we moost all hafe Geduld or patience mit von anoder. " Only, ton t garry batience too far. Vonce oopon a dimes dere vas a Dootchman vot missed de Lichtputzc or candle-snoofers. He hoonted all ofer de haus, boot couldn t find dem. All dot day he vos a snoofer-less Dootchman. " Ven de Night coom on, he sot toun und 39 Hans Ereitmann in saidt : All tay long I cot some liddle crabble- shtones in mine poot, I kess I ll dake dem out. " So he sot toun und pooled off his poot, und helt it oopside doun und poured out de snoofers ! He hat peen trodden on dem in his poot all-day. " Dis Dootchman hat too moosh Gcduld, or more batience dan was goot for him. Id were goned him petter if de virst ding early in de mornin , ven he veel de candle-snoofers a hurtin his foot, he hat cot mad und saidt : Potz HolV und Teufel! vas ist in mine sole ? und pooled de poot off, und took de light-shears out. For dere vas alvays somedings riesengross or pig as shiants in de Deutschers, of all kind und sorts, und dis veller hat shiant patience. Ja ve trink like shiants, und vork und vightja und soofer like dem. Ve pe s fery ofden somevot ungcholfen or glumsy, und to-whiles ; or now und den ; rader dumm (dot is, shtupid) boot id ist like a shiant and nod like an Italian monkey. Ash der crate Johonnes Hinkelbeinius scibed in his Topo graphic of der German Soul Id ist petter to pe pig like a vild boar dan liddle like a Maus. De 40 Germany T yroL Deutschers may pe like vild-Bores und Shiants, boot nefer like mices." Dis vos the reflections of der Breitmann ash he coom into de Hofgasse und peholded ash he elefated his eyes, das Riesenhaus, or House of der Shiant, vot coom like a Wonder-work of in- tuning, or go-inside-ence mit his dinking. For vot he saw vos a Middle-elterly house mit de sdatue in shtone of a Goliath in armour, fery vonderful to fiew, und py de side of id vas a tablet mit de following vorts : DIS HOUSE DER ARCHDUKE SIGISMUND OF TIROL PILDED IN DE YEAR 1490 FOR HIS SHIANT NlKO- LAUS HARDL, UND HAT DE SAME MIT HIS IMAGE ADORNED. De Tyrol vas alvays famous for Shiants, even so for fery pick, handsome men to dis tay. Dere ist ladies in Vienna, sogar Hofdamen of de top most arisdocracy, vot pay cnorm brices for yung Tyroler Colasseses, vot dey are so unverschami as to geep apout deir bersons like bett-larnms, so 41 Hans Breitmann in crate is de luxuria and vicketness of dis vorldt. Und in de fifteenth year-hundred dere vas still a crate deal of Abcrglaube und soaperstition remainin apout dem, vitch is de reason vy der Duke Sigismund und Ferdinand II. revardet deir shiants mit shblendid houses, und sdatues, vitch vos more dan dey vould hafe efer don for any shiants of Intellect dot efer lifed, vitch shows dat it is petter to pe porn a seven-footer dan a heaven-porn Sohn of genius. De vay dis Soaperstition coom apout, vas, dat in de oldt dime, so long for-bey ash never vas, de Tyrol vas so fool of dese pig vellers, dat id moost hofe peen de Haupt-quartier und fater-land of all de Shiants, of de fery tallest und brutallest kind. Und die Historia bescribe dat among dese vas der Glunkezer Riese ; or Shiant ; die Albacher Riesen, der Dornasser Ries , Riese Gauner, also Heims, Thiirse, de Vintschgauers, der Salvenjoch und Marbachjoch, und der Schwarzegger. Soosh is de nople Historic, Of de Shiants vot lived on the mountains free, Dot mit deir teeds so gross und grand 42 Germany Tyrol. Erstaunisht de Volk of avery land, Mighdy in form mit awfool face, De Vaters of our German race. Und derewith der Riese, or Shiant, von Tschsiersthal, vot vas so cnorm dot ven he vos ashleep und shnorin , beople dink id vas Donner, und all de more so, pecause his breat plow de drees like a dempest all a-doun. Now all of dem have got deir Biographias in de Sagas of Tyrol, und among dem dere is dis apout der Schwarzegger Riese, showin how he come to grief : DER SCHWARZEGGER SHIANT. All in der Haufenwalde, und in der mornin dime, Vere men a pildin houses mit shtein und wood und Leim ; Oont ash dey lay de dimpers shoost ash der meister bid, Dere coom an oldt cray Riese vot looked at vot dey did: He say undo de beople : " Ich dcnkc diesen Wald, IcJi denke ihn auf Ehre nennmal jung und neunuial alt: Dot means he could rememper dot forest und de wold, Ven it vas nine dimes growing, und nine dimes ven d was old. 43 Hans Breitmann in But long ash I hafe peen here I nefer yet did see A shiant or an anyding vot could ge-conquer me ; You may dink you re mighdy defer, but dis is fery drue, I couldt sendt you all to donder if so I chose to do." Hard py dere stoot a parrel, tvas full of water clear, Id gave de vorkmen drouple to bring das Wasser dere, Der shiant he vas dirsty, for him tvas boot a sup ; He shdick his het in der parrel, und trink das Wasser oop. Denn he said, " I ll coom to-morrow, again, und you you moost dink, Efery tay to fill dot parrel dot I may take a trink : Und if you do neglect id look out for shdicks und shtones : For denn, by Donnerwetter ! I smashes all your pones ! " De garpenters und puilders ge-bromist all he ask ; Dey schvear to pring dot wasser vouldt pe deir daily task ; Und dey kep deir word wahrhaflig, bot dey vere glefer chaps, Und dey truly fill de parrel but dey fill it oop mit Sc knaps. Das schmeckte aem Schwarzegger, he like it you con ceive ; He nefer hat trink Branntwcin before, I do pelieve : He roll his eyes in ropture he noddle mit his het, Denn on de ground roll ofer so drunk like he vas tead. 44 Germany T yrol. Dere vas a bully butcher by-standing mit an axe, Und at de Shiant s necke he give an awful whacks, Er haute den Kopf vom Rumpfe he chop dot het avay; Dere like a shtock or Stumpfc, mouse-dead dot Shiant lay. Dis is de ancient legend, gesung ash you moost know, All in de Deutsche Wcilder a tausend yar ago : Vitch show dough Demprance beople den Brannt- vvein may apuse : Dere somedimes coom a grysis ven it may pe of "Ja wohl" say der Herr Professor, as he sat mit dem Herrn Breitmann in de Riese Tavern in de Hofgasse of Innsbruck, before der on-the- wall- painted portrait of Rainer the Tyroler Musician who by Heine be-mentioned is "ja wohl when I dink dot dis Hause to the last of de crate race of Tyrolese Shiandts pelonget have denn I veel a vild Historic Durst me over-shteal, which me insbires his healt to trink. fa ven we dink of de Gigantes of Old, de Nephylim and Rephaim of Genesis und Josua of der Og who was de first person who efer tropt an H of Arba 45 Hans Breitmann in 1 homo magiius inter Anakim] Pallas, Andro- medas, Bohemus, Boiogero, Cormoran, und de hundreds of more Collossi who have into deat away ge-passed I wonder whet er de human race inteed improvin is ? But forget not dot efen here in dis fery town of Innsbruck known of yore as Oenipontum dere lie be-buried, de Shiants Haymon und Thyrsus dot is in de Kirch of Wilten of whom dere is enough nar rated a crate Buch to make. For in Thyrsus or Turs, or Anglo-Saxon Thyrs, we hafe of de Norse Jotun one of de cratest. Und I dink mineself dot dis is de same as Durst or Thirst which is de most enormous of German human bassions, und vitch tower apofe all our oder Teutonic faculties und endowments like a Catedral-Dom apofe de liddle houser down pelow. Und Hay mon, accordin to de Sympologists is from de Hebrew Chayes or Life or Appetite dot is to say Hunger soosh as we at noon exberience when we Brativurst mit Sauerkraut, or Roost Schinken mit Kartofel-Salat us pefore shmell und berhabs a goot soup see. Und when dis de Fall is, denn all de humanly race moost atmit . Germany fyro/. dot Haymon und Thyrs, or Hunger mit Durst, were truly of all our German ancesdors de fery cratest -ja sogar de noplest und de feinest vellers ash nefer vas. " Beople may say dot mit dem we are curst, Boot dere s really no plessin s like Hunger und Durst, For wert not for dem vhen dey binch us sefere, Ve d nefer want vittles nor call for our Bier : Nor gare for a panquet, a shbree or a feast, Und pe lower in fact dan de prutallest peast, fa ve d nefer ged dipsy und dot peyond toubt Ish too awful a dings to pe dinkin apout. "Nun, gut in de yar 860 dere coined, ash some say oop from Italy, but ash petter sources brove, down der Rhine, a Deutscher giandt-nopleman, dwelf foot, four inshes high. Und de monchs cot holt of dis bully-big animal und benefolently him, not into bacon boot unto Christianity con verted. Und dey galled him HAYMON afder de oldt Story of de Giant Hunger dot conquer Averypodies. " Now yoost a few miles afay in dem Obern Innthal, dere lifed a sholly old Shiant named 47 Hans Ereitmann In Thurs, or Thurst dough he was nod as I sospose de first, but of de name an inheritor only. " Veil den Honger der Christian und Durst der Heathen, one mit anoder to squarrelin gecome were, und as Haymon was only 35 yar //, poor olt Thyrs gekilt got. Von tay dey met py de Seevelt, on a prook dot is yet called de Thursenbach. Und de blood of Thyrs is yet dere on de red shtones to pe seen. " Denn it to bass corned dot Haymon dis murder repentet dot is he hat an awful Katzen- jammcr or hetache mit sorrow, afder extin- guishin poor olt Durst. Howefer de monks a goot way found it to work-off, und him useful to make. " Dey say to him, Herr von Haymon, here py are de ruins of de oldt Roman city of Veldi- dena. Subbose you go to work und a cloister mit a church build denn you all dis treadful murder will forgifen pe. So der Haymon he coes at it, und de foorst ding he knowed he boorsted into an old Roman vault in vitch a mighdy Drack, or Dragon, vas house a-keepin ? . Germany Tyrol. Denn dey had an awful fight rcmis vclisque toot und nail schofel mit tongs ash is all in a vearfully long boem tescriped dot reads as rackin und ash rough ash a mountain-torrent bett ven you use id for a foot-road. Now Haymon de Brack gekilt, und puildet de Kloster und died in de yar 878. Und dere vas inscribet on his tomb an Epttaphium witch abbear to hafe peen written in de same measure und to de tune of "A lofely Maid to gonfession came, To a Friar von mornin 3 early. Und dis is de Scription. 1 " EPITAPH. "Ven a year und a tay had bassed away, After de yar Eight-hundred ; In Seventy-eight dot vas de date, At Haymon s deat we wondered. This hero pold, ash we are told, Tid build in dis blace a cloister, Gave his all tis drue, und serfed in id too, Yet wouldt not pe its Master. 1 " Als Tag und Jahr verflossen war Acht hundert schon verstrichen." Inschrift dcs Bcgrab?risses. 49 D Hans Ereltmann in Germany. Lived well till he died for Virtue tried, All pride und fanity hoompled, Boot anyhow he s not livin now, Since indo dis grave he toombled. Requiescat in Pace ! " " rebly der Breitmann, "mine sympa thies are radder more mit Olt Durst, or Thyrs, dot der Hayman killed did Kellner noch cm Glas f boot cnnihau dey were bote fine Kerls " All goot vellers I hafen t a toubt ; Dis a bity de Race is tyin out. Der Hayman abbears to hafe peen somedings like der Sankt Christopher Well ! here s to bot deir healt s und may deir shattows nefer lesser crow ! Gott pless em ! " CHAPTER III. ON DE HAPIT OF SHTARIN* AT STRANGERS DENN ON TREATIN PEOPLE AS FOOLS UND ITS CRATE DANGER. DE BALLADE OF NARR- HANS L. " Quum in aula venio Gaudent omnes, et non ego ; It is dreatful dings to see Hou dey all do shtare at me." LUMP VON GAUNER, A.D. 1306. WAS it efer hoppen to de Reader in de coorse of his happy or oonhappy life (I kess it is peen a gemixture of de two) to come suttenly pefore a cage vot condain two or tree dutzen Owls ? He might hafe done dis ding vonce on de Peer less Pier of Brighton vhere dere vas a mann vot kept an Owlery. Hans Ereitmann in Or vas der same Reader efer enter de preak- fast-room of der Grand Hotel in Paris or any oder such blace ven two or tree dutzend An gular-Saxon beoples of all sorts und gonditions were engaget in destroying tea mit toast, ecks mit paeon, or cafe ? In eider case der man moost have opserved how all at vonce tree dozen pair dot is sixty- four single eyes were all a-glarin ot him like he vas an Eindringlichcr Storer a disturbin in truder, as if to say, " Vot teufel pusiness you got here ? " Der crate artist und nofelist Du Maurier have made a P//;^/z-bicture of a similar scene where de travel-worn und half-sick people are comin from de Channel shteampoat und de ladies und gendlemen at Dover crowd round to stare at dem ash dey com to land. Dere is not so moosh of dis shbirit of oon- provoked hosdilidy apparent in Deutschers or Frenches pecause all dese beoples life so mush in hotels, und mofe apout so moosh more all de dimes in cafes or gartens, or in shmall dravellin , dot de endrance of an unbeknown, suddenly, 52 Germany Tyro/. vhere dey are eatin , does not erstonish dem und awake de veelin of tisturpance, und of peiii 1 wronged, dot all Englanders veel oonder de circumstances. Acain der Englander himself radder likes to coom in und pe gestared at und holt oop his het poldly mit a sub-feelin , vitch if developet vvouldt say : u You all go to Donncr mit yourselfs, und shdare as moosh ash you tarn blease ! " Dis is nod foolly ansgcsprochen or ooterly ootered id ist only in petto but id ish dcre. Id is a kind of excitin exhilaration pattle yoost ash Gasscnjungc or shtreet poys like to sling sass at von anoder ven dey meed, for de sake of victory. Now, on de oder hand, if a man pe a Dcutschcr, und esbecially in some cornerland vhere Touristic or English influences hafe nod benetrated, und beople ist not as yed cultured into incivilidy, or cifilized into boorishness vhen dot man cooms indo a Kneip or cafe, or sush dings, de beoples greets or salutes him mit boliteness und vishes him a guten Appctit und denn und dere dey do somedings to make him vecl at home. Und if dot comer-in vas at vonce 53 Hans Ereitmann in to broseed to dell dem vot he had yoost seen while a-comin or vhere he coomed from or vot woonderful dings he efer met mit anyvhere or norate a fairy-tale dis all von if id bleased dem dey vould only like him all de petter so dey got deir fun somehow. Now as among Englisch beople dere is some assemplies vot glare mit more fiendishness or inimicality at intruders, und also some men vot coom in mit a pigger headt of sass und cheek on dan oders so, im Gcgcntheil, or on de gontrary, dere are Deutsche assemplies ; specially among rural folk ; who are more sympathetisch- cifil dan oders vhen an unbeknown enders on de Scene und also (as it oonderstands idself) some men who ven dey come in to soosh assemplings ei ! dis like de comin of a favouride actor on de sdage averypody shmiles dere is a booz of bleased Anticipating. . . . Now I moost dell you dot der Breitmann vas yoost von of dis ladder sort of vellers as nefer was . . . dere pein in his whole exbression a sort of Zcitgemiissigkeit vot insbire de veelin ash if he had yoost com" 1 at de right time und nod (as mit 54 Germany Tyrol. de Englisch), ash if he had intrudet at de wrong von. Und id coom to bass dot in de town of Bingen in der Tyrol, he endered a Wirthshaus, in de Stubc or puplic-room of vitch dere sot a compagnie of resbecdaple beoples vot seem to pe ungcmcin hcitcr, und dey greetet den Hans mit so mooch genial consiteration dot he veel like dey vas all affecdionate relations met to celeprate his gebirth-day. Now ven Hans had told dem all mitout mush ceremonie vot his name vas, und vhere he coomed from, mit so moosh of his Biographic as might cheer de oldts und encorage de yungs und inderest dem all connectively, he ashk vhere dere vas a goot Herberg or lotchin- house nod too egspensife a privat decent blace. Dereat de oldest inhapitant of de room sent oud a poof of shmoke like ash von fires off a bistol pefore de horses shtart in a race und pegin : "Dere ish a fery goot und ehrlichcr Mann hier in Bingen dot hafe cot a shmall haus mit tree Zimmer or goot rooms vot he let out 55 Hans Breitmann in sheap abcr Schad* 1 dis a bity dot you had not coom dere ten yars sooner vhen dere vas anoder wirth, und knowed vot a veller knowed dot lived dere." " Wie so how vas dot ? " inquire der Breit mann, ash he refreshed himself mit anoder glass of bier. " Nun dis is de shtory : vot is all ash drue ash several seven Bibels mit a Catechism troun in. Zehn yars by gone, dere coom to dot liddle Logis a Fr Binder a foreigner of some sort Gott weiss was ! some dinked he vas a Ungar, und some a Bohme, und some a Roumanier but votefer he vas he had blenty of money, und gueer fancies. Foorst he pay to hafe all das Haus painted green mit his bicture on it ... denn he cot a wood-carver to make a Bild or a Image of a girl, vot he had coloured like life and poot it a-looking oud of der window shoost like dere vas a gal dere mit a peautiful golden Haube or cap fery wundervoll to pehold -ja und Gott weiss was for wilde Grillen or sdrange fantasies dot man didn t hafe. Und all de dime his 56 Germany Tyrol. landlordt dink he was a Narr or a fool, und say Ja to averyding, und make him bay dwice as moosh ash he ought to for his Id ecu. "Nun, gut! von tay der Hausgcnoss or lodger say to der Wirth dot he moost hafe de whole house to himself for von mont , pecause he always bass dot dime efery yar in prayer und fastin all allcin, und dot he pray all night long on de bare ground, in de keller, cordin to de rites of his holy religion. " Denn der landlord knew der Mann was a heat en vot foller de old soaperstition of de Hexen or witches, vot always maken deir brayers to de Spirits in Kellers, or in deep caverns, und all soosh Larifari und Unsinn, und nonsents. Howefer, so long as it payed money, der landlort was always ready in Jcmandes Horn zu blasen to join in mit any man s melodic. So he rentet das Haus for dree dimes more ash id was right to bay und he laugh mit hi? friendts over dis Dummkopf of a man. Und dey watch de lodger, but all dey opserfe vas dat he seemed, as de sayin is, to go 57 Hans Ereltmann in " Friih mit den Hiihnern zu Bette, Auf mit dem Hahn um die Wette." [Early to Bett mit de hen, Und rise mit de cock again.] " Boot dis Duminkopf, ash dey dinked him knew wie man sein Schdfchcn ins Trocknc bringen soil how to keep his sheeps dry, better dan he seemed to understand. Ja und he ver stand die Passaucr Kimst he hafe learned de trick of Passau dot is to keep himself safe from all loss or harm." "How was dot?" inquire der Breitmann. " In de old dimes," reblied de ancient Inhabitant, " dot vas in de tays of King Olim dere vere Men who knew how sich hieb-stich- und kugclfcst zu machen how to guard dem- selfs from cut, stab, or gun-pullets, und beople still say so of a veller dot knows how to dake goot care of himself. " Nwi) gut pefore de mont vas oop, der Mann vanisht but no von minded it, pecause he had paid his rents in advance und made de landlord shwear nod to tisturb him. So de Germany Tyro/. time flowed py, und ven de Monat vas oop, dey boorst open de door and vot you dink dey found?" "Ja was ivar^s ? " 4 Dey found an iron Kisf altgothisch fery fine of ids kind, in der keller. Und de ground had been digged all out efer so teep. Under de kist dere vos a script vot say : " * MINE TEAR LANDLORD, " I am a man whose ancestors vonce owned dis Haus. Among de familie parch- mends I found von four hundred yar oldt, vot tell how mine ur ur ur ^ross-grandfater hafe gepuried hier an enormous Schatz of Gold. Not to hafe any law-suits or sharin de money mit you, or any droples, I yoost took das Hans for a month witch gife me all de rights as de lawyers will dell you. " I hafe digged oop dis Schatz und found it was more ash a pushel of gold coins mit oder dings of value beyont all gomputation. I vould hafe gifen you some of dis mit bleasure, or enof to make you rich but I learn dat you $9 Hans Breitmann in hafe ofercharge me for de rent pecause you dinked I vas a fool, und laugh at me mit Averypodies. Derefore I leave you, zum Andcnkcn, dis iron kist to keep your monies in. " Your Friend, "<DER FOOL. " Dot was all dey found except two or tree old gold monies lyin apout. Und der mys- derious Stranger nefer shined no more in dis city." " Dat shdory," remark der Breitmann, " ist like de lizards vot somedimes hafe two tails it has two Morals after id. De foost ist, dot it is fery unbleasant to lose a ding efen if we tid not know we had id. Segondly He laughs pest who laughs de last like der veller tid vot cot afay mit dem Gelt. Und on dop of dis I add dot you had alvays petter dink dwice before you make fun of a fool. For avery fool has four dimes as much mischief in him, und ten dimes more refenge dan a wise man, und derfore he is fourdeen dimes more likely to pay you 60 Germany Tyrol. oop und hafe it out on you. Let os trink ! " "Ja," reply a yung man dot look like a Student " Hilte Dich vor Narren peware of fools is an oldt proferb. Truly it would hafe peen goot for de gendlemen of der Town Council of Munich vonce oopon a dimes, if dey had minded it." " Vot vas dot for a story ? " " Nutij it is a song, und mit your honouraple permission I will sing it." Der Student dook down a guitar dot hanged on de window- side, und afder doonin de shtrings, sang mit a goot voice de Ballad of NARR-HANS L. Oh ! Munich is a merry town tis writ py many a pen Und all its City-Councillors are wtmd rous merry men, Und vhen dey meet for panketting, to refel or to sing: From de Rathshaus to der Frauenkirch, you hear die Music ring. 61 Hans Ereitmann in Und afery von hafe got a Squire dot on his Master wait, To fill his beaker oop mit wein, or change or fill his plate, Und it always was expected like de chorus to a song He moost laugh at all his masder s yokes und help de fun along. Now, von of dese attendants vas an odd fantastic wight, You saw id in his features dot Someding vasn t right. An anxious-solemn countenance mit sorrow inter- wrought Like von who knows he s crazy-queer, und doesn t like de tought. And if de beople vext him ven he d had a little trink, He vouldt rave und gry de maddest dings dot mordal man could dink ; Und shkreem, und weep und peg dem all for mercy in his pain ; Which make folk roar mit laughter, und pegin to tease again. Dey called him der Narr-Hans l dot is Jack Lunatic, Und all de Herrs resolfe von tay to blay dis Mann a drick, So dey maket him eat a herring till he almost die mit Durst, Und denn gave him Wein to squench it but dot vas not de worst. 62 Germany Tyrol. For der Wein was all preparet mit pepper for a trick, Also mit medecine vot maket him deadly sick, So dot he tantz apout mit pain und many a mad grimace ; It maket de noble gentlemen all roar to see his face. Nun, gilt de fun was ofer und das Ding was half forgot, Und acain dere vas a Panket held all in dot merry shpot, Und all pecause Narr-Hans l mak t soosh fun vhen last dey dine, Dey have him for der Kellner or de Master of der Wein. De Musik roared in merriment ; dere all was Saus und Braus, Till der Chair-man gave das Wort Schcnk ein ! " und denn de sign " Trink atis /" Now dis was at de Ende vhen efery present Man Must trink de Supernaculum dot is trink out his Can To a drop oopon his dum-nail nor leafe pehind a rest, Und der Wein for dis last trinkin was of de fery pest, Avery coop-ful cost a florin, of dot dere vas no doubt, It glow like golden Sonnlight vhen Narr-Hans l poured id out. Hans Ereitmann in Germany. Hei ! Vot can pe de Matter mit dem nople President ? Dot he look so pale as ashes und extremely dis content ? Und now he s fallin backwards in deadly agonie ! And now by Gott ! de oders are all ash ill ash he 1 Hei ! Vot can pe de Matter mit Narr-Hans l ? Troo it all, He is laughin he is shkreemin he is tantzin in de holl, He is changed indo a teufel he make a comic sigh, Und he blay upon de cittern ash he see de Herren die! Dere are four-and-twendy tead Men a lyin in de room ; De tapers burnin lowly ail fadin into gloom ; De Waiters mit der Musik have all in Terror fled, Da sitzet der Narr-Hans l a-singin to de Tead ! A-singin wailin ditties all in de wildest strain, How dey poison him mit Pepper und he poison dem acain, Till he shkreems : " It all is ofer und der Wein is of de pest " He trinkt a votten Becker -he is lyin mit de rest. CHAPTER IV. WHY DE GERMAN TOURISTS DO TELESCOPES CARRY. DE YANKEE GALS MIT A SPY-GLASS UND VOT DEY SAW ! DE BALLAD OF KATRINA BAUER WHO DE PROFESSOR KILLED. "And there a man mit a sphyglass fery interestin tiscoveries can make." HEINRICH HEINE, Reiseb- bilder. VON of de dings dot Hans Breitmann shbeedily opserfe in Tyrol, was dat afery Sherman tourist alfays garry mit him a Fern-rohr ; dot is a tallow-scoop, or opera-glass, dot hang py his site from a shtrop ofer his shoulter. Der Englander hafe one, somedimes, der Frantschman occasion ally, der Italiener now und denn but der Deutscher immcr und invariaply. Von efenin dere vas a Barty of travellers, 6=; E Hans Ereitmann in German, sowie English und Mericans, all ge- sembled togeder in der Goldcne Adler, vitch is de oldst Guest-haus in Innsbruck I guess as nefer vas, like de Drei Mohren in Augsberg, vitch is a tausend yar oldt, vere de Crusaders used to poot oop. Und in dis Golden Adler, der Goethe und der Heinrich Heine, mit seferal oder Empe rors und Kings eider in Literature or Geography, hafe gewoned. Und right opposite ist de Otto- burg, built by Otto, der Duke of Andechs in 1234, on vitch you may readt : tie flDttoburg: Dot* gtanti, 8L ^ou0e ooptjelt m d5otteg Ijaulu" Now de gompany vas ask vy de Deutsche Touristen alvays garry opera-classes. Und der Breitmann shbeak dus : " De reason for dis uncessant telescoping ; I kess ; is dot der Deutscher is nefer sotisfyed mit vot de eye dake in naturally, or mit de peautiful scenery vot he can sec - he alfays vant to pehold dot vitch is not risible und crasp de unforeseen Infinite. If he hafe in sight a moun- dain, mit cloudts a vlyin ofer its snowy soomit 66 Germany Tyrol. like treams of yout ofer de het of an old man shleepin und foaming dorrents rooshing doun its site, like vite silfer stripes down de green robe of an old Irish bard derm der Deutscher vouldn t dink he hafe seen dot moundain at all ketneswegS) or no-ways, oonles he desgry mit de outmoost persbicacity all de stocks und steins, und dings, all ofer de Gcbirge, und dis he gall * accurat perception. Dus he carry a kind of pusiness-like habit indo all his art, und mit all his transcendentalism he vas alfays forget in studyin die Xatur dot half its peauty ist in opscuridy. " Dis carryin de opera-classes und also dis seem dings a goot vay off, dot it vas yoost as veil to leave unvisipLe ; likevise dis unconsistent vant of logic ; poot me mineself in mindt of de daughters of old Jacop Spraker a Dootchman- Hollander-New Yorker, vot life vonce oopon a dimes on de Mohawk Reservation on de Hudson river apofe Alpany. "Von day der Spraker coom before der magis trate, und maket a crate moral gomplaint dot dere vas some unbrinciplet und shamelos yoong Hans Breitmann in vellers, vot afery afternoon bathe und schwim in der rifer, mitout any dings on demselfs, rite in fool view of his taughter s vindows, und dot dis shkandalous spekdagle was fery moosh offend de motesty of de young laties. u Der magistrat make inquiry of de beoples vot coomed for vitnesses, und found oud dot de blace vhere de yoong men bathed was a mile off from der Spraker his house. " How der teufel denn, ashk der official, can dis trople your taughters, ven dey gannot dell, a mile off, vot dings vas fisciple in der rifer ? " W & r y der Spraker < boot mine gals has cot a pig delescope. " Veil, rebly der magisdrate : "I kess if dey vould do mitout dot delescope dey wouldt see yoost apout so moosh ash vas goot for dem. " Und dis ist ash drue for der Deutscher, und not de tourist alone, boot de whole breeds of dem in sheneral dot dey would see yoost as moosh ash dey needs of Natur, or life, or de Peaudiful, mitout alfays a-telescopin into averyding. Dere vas poets und ardists in de olden dime, vot hadn t 68 Germany Tyrol. any fieldt, or opera-classes, dot see a goot deal more in Natur dan de modern Deutschers do mit all deir spyin -tubes or far-pipes. "Und dis lesson is goot not for Deutschers alone, boot for any oder man, pe he a Sprecher or a Spraker, or a Hollander for ash de Ameri can Moral-Humourist opserved : I do not care if he pe an Amsterdam Dutchman a Rotterdam Dutchman or any oder d m Dutchman pecause I shbeak of de whole human races. " Boot id ist also vort noticin dat dis habit vot de Deutschers hafe cot, of alfays siickin und searchin for de Unerreichbar or Oonattainaple und de Mysderios, and all de Infinightly opscurious dings, make it coom to bass dot dey also dake in de Serious mit de Comic, und de Sooplime mit de Genial -gemcin or jolly-common, in a vay dat nopody else in de vorldt ever dinked of, und vot no oder beoples can verstehn, but vitch coom yoost ash natural to a Deutscher ash beer mit Prdtzels. Und vot is more," gontinue der Breitmann, ash he glicked de Deckel of his mug as a sign to de maid to pring some more Pilsener " dis ding enders into de life of de German, und id hoppen . Hans Breitmann in do him alleweil ; all de dime ; like it hoppened to Nopody Else ash befel de Katrina Bauer ven she fell indo de keller." Here dere vas a general oudgry for de story. But der Breitmann dell dem id vas a song-tale or a ballade. Und virst he maket a Vorrede, or preamble, at a fast trot, dusly : a You all know mine tear frents dot id ist a holy oldt gusdom in Germany, on de efenin pefore beople kits married, to holdt de sacred Polterabend, ven dey makes a row und kicks der teufel oop. Denn de folk kit togedder a lot of crockery-pots, or Topfe, soosh as Kriigc, eart en Gescliirr, Theetischzeug or tea-dings, Kanncn und Becker vitch is moogs und yoogs, coffee-pods, Bier-canonc, jars, pottles, flagons, noggins, dank- ards, bitchers, pibkins, long jorums, vot Nort Deutschers gall Jimgfers, or maidens mosdly crocks of de sheapest und most ineffecdual kind soosh as is crocked alreadty." Dis vas a bun, so de gompany all laugh bolitely. " Dey kits de sheapest kind, pecause dese dings are only pought to be gebroken. Denn A Germany Tyrol. dey makes a Tcufel of a hurly-purly shindy, und smoshes de grockery mit grys of Hei da ! hep / yup ! hoora ! und dis dey gall poltern. Und in de Elsass de Frantscher hafe de same gustom, und dey sings a pallad of de olden dime : Ohe ! les petits agneaux ! Ohe ! les petits agneaux ! Qui est ce qui caisse les verres ? Qui est ce qui brise les pots ? Und de Deutschers sings too, for dere is a whole fasciculus or garland, or KRANTZ of dese lyrics, and I mineself hafe gontribute dis ballad to de total conglomeration." Denn der Herr Schwackenhammer, who vas a fery goot Clavier spieler, sot doun ad de biano, und improfise a companiment, while der Breit- mann sing in a teep brumm-basso vitch sountet like pumple-pees insite a drum : DE BALLAD OF KATRINA BAUER. Mit juch hei da / und hop sa so / Am Potter abend wir war en froh, For denn mit shticks so merry vere ve, A-smashin all de grockery. 71 Mans Breitmann in Wir soffen Bier und Brannteivein, Wir schmissen alle de Fenster ein j Dot means ve trinked de beer und gin ; Und smashed de vinders outside-in. Mit " Hdgele ! Krdgele ! Socker lot ! " Katrina Bauer she proked a pot, She proke de lid mit a hickory svitch, Und call de bitcher " a son of a witch ! " Dere vas a Russian noble, vitch, His name vas Mikel Sonnenovitch ; He dink Katrina call his name, Und sofdly shmile oopon de same. Und he sighed : " O Maiden fair to see ! Might I boot valtz a dantz mit dee ! " Katrin foorst smash anoder pot ; Denn like der Teufel off dey shot. Dey tantz so hard, dey tantz so sore, Katrina boorst a hole troo de vloor, She tantz so hard mit der Russian veller, Dot bote her leeks shdick down in de Keller Now ven der Russe look dereon, Und see Katrina yoost half-gone, Nod to let de casion shlip, He shtoop d und shtole a giss from her lip. 72 Germany Tyrol. Now underneat dis Stunrf und roar, Dere sot a Deutsche Professor, Ven Katrina s feets coom doun on his het, Id shkared him so id kilt him tead ! All mit himself in de silendt night, Dat lonely Student berish mit fright, I know not if he die mit fits, Or dink he vas schlag mit donderblitz ! Now a man may pe bote crate und vise, Und fool of learnin oop to de eyes, Boot py shingo ! id is more dan he can shtand If a gal on dop of his het shouldt land. So id goes in dis life In numper Von Dere is ofden noding boot shkreemin fun ; Vile in de next und dot is true, Dere is Deaf mit derror, und all look plue Und ofden a gal connect de dwo ! Dereoopon dere vas a Klatschen or clopping of hands in uploudment of dis song, und von who vas bresent say : " De idea of Katrina bein gissed in roptures oop apove, vhile she ruptures de het of de professor toun-shdairs pelow mit her feets, is vot is called py der Rhetoricus an anti-thesis " 73 Hans Ereitmann in Germany. " I shouldt rader say," rebly der Breitmann, " dot in dis case id vas an anti-/odfe,s, since dere vas a Fuss apout it." " Halt dere ! " gry de oder man. " Afder dot, I gife in und shtand trinks all roundt. Du Marie ! dwelf glasses mit cigars ! " Und dey all trink to de healt of der Breit mann. CHAPTER V. OF DE TOUN OF HALL, WITCH IS ALL PF-SALTED. HOW DER BREITMANN THIRSDY GOT, UND MADE LOFE TO DE PEAUDIFUL BEER GIRL. DE SHT.ORY OF GEORG*L, UND DE WONDERFUL BALLADE OF DER GOAT MIT DER SHPOON. " Bacchus is ever to Venus dear, For to set men to loving there s nothing like Beer." Inscription in a Beer House in Heidelberg. Now ven der Breitmann had beseeked und exblored de sights of Innsbruck, und seen all ids brincipal institudions vitch consist of de two rows of pronze statues in de Catedral mit Hofer s monument, das Museum, de Ambroser Samm- lung vhere dey almost make more droples to see de dings mit dree ciceroni dan de show is wort, und de peautiful und vine Tiroler Hof Hotel of Herr Landsee (vitch is de pestest in all 75 Hans Breitmann in Austria), vhere der Breitmann lifed und wrote dis Buch, mit great gomfort und content, in a Strudel or Maelstrom or whirlpool gomposed of shwarms of Englisch und Merican tourists, all a goin und comin at vonce remindin Hans of a Milhlgerinne or mill-race dot he vonce see in America, vot consisd of dwo shtreams, von runnin von vay und de oder anoder, owin to de powerfoolness of de eddy ! Ven der Breitmann, ash I said, hat under- seeked, or exblored, all dese mysderies, und made a Serie Qianalytische-chemische, or analytic- comical experiments mit test glasses, (vitch hold from a pint to a quart each), vitch result in de proof dot das Bier vas so goot ash Pilsener, denn he tooked his Alpenstock und Ranzel or knopsack, und vander all apout de land, to Berg-Isel, und Hall. Und ash he squander troo de lanes of dis pictureish andiquarian city, he pecame aware dot a derriple Durst vas shdealin all ofer his foculties vot make him ash dry as de dust in July or as a pone or a baked mummy or a hot brick or a brush-maker ven yoost ash his " sooferins pecame indoleraple j T Germany T yroL und vere no longer to pe endured," ash an American president vonce set in a Message, he peheld a Bier-garten und rooshin in, cryed for a doppelt pig glass. Vitch ven he had sch wallowed, Hans say to de fery nice gal vot prought de infusion of malts und hops : " Frdulein vot vas dot last remark I maket to you ? " De madchen Idchell mit a shmile und ansver : " Herr you saidt : Bring me a dopple-glass of beer!" " Dot vas it," rebly der Breitmann. " Keep a / pringin dem. Successifely ! " De gal she prought von Mass of beer after anoder so fast dot she lookt like a procession goin und comin , und der Hans empdy dem like he vas carryin out a gontract to fill a fish-pond on time. Py und py he says : " Holt oop for a minute pefore I boost und dell me vot in name of de dry kings of Cologne id is dot maket me so dirsty so sooner ash im- mediadely ven I ender dis state of Hall, or Hell, or votefer you call id ! " 77 Hans Ereitmann in "Ja, Herr" rebly de bier-maid, " Wissens net ? dot come from das Saltz where mit all die air, und aferydingt here ish imbregnatet. Und ash I vas teacht in de school, so ash to dell de out- landers und Fremders vot coom here, de fery name of the toun idself is Salt pecause accordin to de Tyroler historian, der fenerable Beda Weber, id cooms from de Greek aide vot means Salt, vot vas brought from de Saline or salz-mines, vot is annerthalb Stund, or von und a half hour from here, dot costet fordy kreutzers to pehold. De drip affort nod only a sight of de Werks und grystal grottoes, ganz wunderbar to admire, so vine ash nefer vas, but also of romandic scenery mit climpses of de Speckahr, Bettelwurf, Nissel- spitz und Schlingelschurkenspitzbubenschelmen- Alpe. Oja, gewz ss f Demi dey pring de saltz here indo de city, mit de moral result dot de men are all as brackish ash brine und de women ash salt as Lot s wife. O ja, gcwiss ! Efen in de gonfersation of de gommon beople dere is somedings salty und racy, und bitin , und spicy, mit a bungency oonlike of oder folks. O ja gewiss ! Daher kommt cs, dence it resoolts all 78 Germany Tyrol. from de Saltz, dot der Hallers hafe all cot soosh a loose-speechfulness und ready tongueful-hood dot any von of dem in flicsscndcn und toncnden Anscinandersetznngen crgeht ilber Dingc pours fort his soul in torrent-like und loud teliferies ofer any dings at all, vedder he oonderstand dem or nod. O ja, gcwiss ! " " All dot," say der Breitmann, " I do stet- fastly peliefe ; hafin de broofs pefore mine eyes, und esbecially hearin dem in mine ears from you/ Now de Madchen vas so inshbired und be- geistcrt und corried avay mit her own oradory, dot she oonconsciously press oop to der site of der Breitmann, who ash undinkingly helt her py de hand to rebress her shweepin Gcbcrdc, or wavin gesdures. Boot de fair orator not tendin to dis restraindt, vent on in full swing mit good elpow-room und a wide berth, free ash air und out of harness, as if her tongue vas all un buttoned, unconfined, unchecked, unprefented, unhindered, unopsdructered, uncontdrolled, un- trammeled, unsubject, ungoferned, unenslaved, emancipatet, unentralled, unreined, unpridled, 79 Hans Breitmann in uncurbed, unmuzzled, mit efer so many more uns and synonymes, vitch brove how crately de spiridt of de English language ist gifen to freedom dere pein more vordts in it vot exbress Liberty and Ease dan in all de oder languashes as nefer vas put togedder. Und de peautiful eloquentional improvisator e diffused as vollows : " O ja, gewiss. De Saltz works is our crate industry, boot de peauty of our toun is our chief pride. Pilt oopon a hill-site, de shdreets forms a bicturesque compination of rural roats mit mittle-elderly Gasscn or lanes, vot is faried mit oonexpegted ascensions und descents. O ja, gewiss ! From wide off de eye is verhaftet dot is arrestet, or morally interestet, py a Gotic tower mit a red roof, und de griinish copper cuppelas of de Catedral vot vas pilt in one tousand zeven hundert-ein-und siebenzig, vot shouldt receive bewondering for de sake of ids vine Gotic pordal its quaind relics ids kloster vot vonce surroundet de campo santo dot now obens on de ottroctife middle-efil walls of de Rathaus ! De maid vas so cntftihrct or carriet afay mit 80 Germany fyro/. her own oradory imd de peauty of Hall, dot she nefer nodice dot de shtalwardt arm of her auditor hafe vound idself round her bodice, und dot he peared to pe more apsorpet in her own peaudies dan in dose of de cidy. Boot dere vas nopody in de garten yoost den vitch is a cir- coomstonts vot ofden maket a crate teel of tiffer- ence in many moral conjunctures . . . und id vas rader mit a shmile dann a cross dat dis Hebe opserve vot had daken blace during her obsence of mindt. So dot ven der Breitmann sofdly vispert : "Gib mir cmol a Busserl?" (" Gife me a giss ?")... de gal glantz all roundt to see dat neider de oldt voman nor any oder man vas. looking und denn rebly : " Oja, gewtss" # * V * Oj Seeligkeit / . . . O Wonnc / . . . Vot dings id ish to pe a Lofer ! t * * * Dere vas a Maiden fair und yung, Who s soul vas like a shtar ; A Sorcerer feller corned along Und shanged her to guitar : 8l v Hans Ereitmann in Und ach ! vot wild und wunder dings Troo all de Seele vent, Vhen foorst mine fingers shwept de shtrings Of dot strange Insdrument ! For in dot Musik of de Shpears Vas more ash Melodic, Und ach ! de Sound dot vill mein soul, Vas more as Song to me ; For more as Musik s last exdreme Vas in dot tune I wot, Und more ash Voice in deepest Tream Vas in de Song, bei Gott ! Und ven dy Form oh Abend- Shtar ! Undo mine Hearts I shdrain, Id seemt to me dot dot Guitar Hafe got be-girled acain ! Und dot de Girl be-angeld is Mit seraph-cherroops efen ; Und Averydings in berfect pliss, Is ropt afay to Heafen. Und ven ve giss, mein shbirit vlies To Triiume far apove. For dein are more dan mordal eyes, Und dis is more ash Lofe ! For he who trinks as I hofe trinked Das Bier ist more ash Wein ; Und he who dinks vot I hofe dinkecl, His Lofe pecomes difine ! Germany Tyrol. Und yet wider . . . in de hoppy Tream. LONG, LONG AGO. Ven de pirds were singin To de Summer preeze ; Und de buds were flingin 3 Perfume from de trees : Hei da ri de ! Hei da ri do ! I sat py my Lofe so fair und gay, All in de wood one Summer tay, Und ach / wir warn so fro. We sang oldt songs togedder, Songs of de merry dime ; Und leicht ash any fedder We maket full many a Reim, Hei dari de ! Hei, da, ri latin ! Unto a lute we sang dis Lay, Und so we passed de live-long Tay Undil de Sonn went doun. For efery song we pfluckt a Flower Und trowed it in de Grass ; So you mighdt count before de bower, How many a lay dere was, Hei da, ri-dc ! Hei da, ri-del ! Yed reckonet petter shdill dan dis, For to each ferse we put a kiss, Und kept de Count full well. 83 Hans Breitmann in We sang oldt songs togedder, Of Loves long bassed away ; All in de bleasant vvedder, Ash on de grass we lay : Hei da, ri d ! Hei da, ri dcin ! No more can I rememper yet What I recall I ll ne er forget So long ash life is mein ! Denn der Breitmann wander onwarts troo de wood lands troo de valleys in de early mornin Sonny-shine ven de rosy light tippet de Schnow on de Alpen, or in de darklin efenin ven de last rays on deir drementous heights seemet like Wachfcuer or Peacon-fires on dops of mighdy towers. Ja he ging ober Feld und Thai field t und dale, vale und dingle where de Dickets crow, slade und glade where rifulet waters flow, groves und rocky alcoves, mit deir shade caverns and taverns all mit shiftin scenes on all of vitch de awfool moundain-beaks look doun like magisdrates a vatchin de communidy und seem dot id pehave demselfs. Und dere is druly, yosst ofer Innsbruck von of dese beaks vot hafe de ripudation to keep a vatch on dings in sheneral, und dis is die Frau Hutt, 84 Germany Tyro/. vitch is a shigontic mount crowned mit a vasd rock vitch has de shape of an Amme, or Noorse mit a shild in her lop. To pe sure id looks yoost ash moosh like an old man readin a pook, or any ding else de same as de face on Mont Blanc vot you sees from Geneva has a shdartlin likeness to Hans Breitmann, or Dietrich of Bern or any oder crate man vot hafe a long peard but dis is vot de Innsbruckers who bossessed de ardicle since for- efer, say it is und de Legende is ash follows : FRAU HUTT. Ere man s deets vere writ in shtory, Und vhile all vas wild und grand, Denn die Shiants ruled in glorie, Ober all dis Alpen land, Troo de Nord vere er de Teuton Shbread abroad his mighdy soul ; Like de medeors, Himmel shootin Und deir Hauptland vas Tyrol ! Dey fited und dey drank hard, Und dey lived in roarin sin, Undil py and py dey conquered All de Valley of de Inn : Dere vas joy among de winners, Und a spree mit merry shouts ; Boot a-veepin mong de Inners, Ven dey found demselfs de Outs. 85 Hans Breitmann in Now de Queen of dese wild victors, Vas benamed de Lady Hiitt ; Und id seem from Legend s bictures She had peauty, grace und wit, Mit de power of fastination, So dat afery hearts vas crackt, Ven she coom dat operation Vot de Deutsch call Zaubermacht. Und dere oopon dem moundain, She eruct a palace grand, All oder piles surmountin In dis fair Tyroler land ; Dere in wild luxuriation, Mit her lovers bold and free, Dis crate Sovereign of de nation Lived in von dremendous spree. Nefer carin for de beoples, Mit deir sofferins und woe ; Any more dan Clocks in shdeeples Care for dings far down pelow. Dose who nefer gare a copper, Lettin veller-beins pass, Dey some tay may come a cropper Over-het, und go to grass ! So it vas mit dis fair Riesin, Who mit all her witchery, Only endet py disbleasin Von who had more might dan she ; 86 Germany Tyrol. Von dremendous on de Moral, In de Goot and Virduous line ; Und de endin of deir squarrel, Vas he toorned her indo Stein. All her lofers denn he hardens Indo crate dremendous blocks, Und her lofely Rosen-gardens Shanged to tismal parren rocks ; Dere in shtone you see her sittin , Efer since de Long-ago, Lookin at de seasons flittin O er de valley doun pelow. So de fleecy cloudts of mornin Come a-sailin o er her het, Und de Abendroth adornin , All its glorie round her shet ; But de Man ist gone forever Vot in early dimes she s known, Like de foam-light on der rifer, Und her soul is toorned to shdone. Boot dere is a sdrange relation Ofdis Lady of de Hill, Dot her anciend Fascinadion Is a lurkin round her sdill ; For about her in de even, As from fairy-land remote ; Or ash chords yoost tropt from Heafen Lofely musik seems to floot. 87 .: Hans Ereitmann in Und aldough a petrifaction She is sdill a Lorelei ; Und it gifs her sodisfaction To enchant de basser-py, Und he who hears dot chantin Mit a Zauber spell is bound, Und will nefer pe a wantin 3 To depard from Innsbruck town. Vhile he singet dis Song dere came py an oldt Woman, apout four hundert yar oldt to yoodge py her looks, aldo she was carryin a Centner or hundert veight of Sticks to sell in de town. So she shtop und listen to de Ballade und denn say : " Dot is all fery fine, Vincenz but dot is not de shtory ash I always heardt it." "Nun, Mutter ch J " say der Breitmann "dake a trink, und let me hear your side of de gomplaint." De oldt Frau opeyed orders und unfoldet her legende as follow : " Die Frau Hiitt was a crate lady, dot might peen a baronesse, Schau ! or a Grdfin gelt fa / und so proud ash a peagock und hcrzlos ja heartless as der teufel. Crate many beople Germany Tyro/. is like dot, now Gott und die Mutter Gottcs hilf us all in our Noth f " Von tay de Frau Hiitt was ridin 1 on her horse vhen she met an Arme a poor beggar voman. Dot peggar womans was a Witch. She peg Frau Hiitt for a biece of Brod. "De Frau Hiitt had a shtein in her hand. She trow it ot de beggar-woman und hit her, und said, Friss du das du Aas ! Eat dot you oldt Carrion ! " " Pff ! im Nn, war die Frau Hiitt mit her horse all toorned into Stein. Dort sits she on the hill. But if any pody will climb oop on de Berg, he can hear at Twilight woonder-shine lofly Musick, mit Singen so fein as nefer was. Ja peautiful peautiful peautiful alles schr schon Gelt, j a ! -, >! -!= =;= " Der shendleman pears to pe a voreigner geltens !" saidt der oldt Tyroler, mit a Gems- bart or a chamois-fedder in his hat, und a gostume, de brincipal ingredients of vitch seemet to pe gomposed of a cock-dail ofer de Gems-bar t, and a punch of omelets to keep off de efil-eye or 89 Hans Ereitmann in pring goot luck. Dese vere made of the teet of a boar, a fox, a marmot, a crab s claw, a marten s upper jaw-pone, und de horns of a young chamois, all set in silber, mit a griin yacket, a broidered belt, und pare leeks mit braces. u Der shendleman pears to be a voreigner," reheat dis inderestin object, "dough he talk Deutsch so goot ash I do. Boot dere is many men vot hafe a crate Sprach-talcnt for learnin languashes." " Nun" answer Hans, " id is drue I am von of dem vellers for I can dalk Tyroler, Suabian, Bayerisch, Sachsisch, Allemannisch, Aargauer- Schwetzerisch, Platt-Deutsch und Pfalzisch, und dere to, Pennsylvanisch, mit a liddle Hoch- Deutsch. But as for mein Heimath, I was geporn in Schwaben, so you see ash I peen in America,! coomed a goot vay roundt to kit here." "Jao" rebly der oldt Tyroler, " dot is like der Verwaller Gorgli, vot go roundt by Venedig, to kit home acain mit some money. Ja wohl ! " Der Breitmann lisden to de dinklin far-away musick of de cow-bells ash it fall doun from de moudain-heighds five tousand feet apove indo 90 Germany Tyrol. de valley und die disdant gry of de Scnnerinnen or herd-girls, von to anoder, mit de roosh of a torrent ofer de grey rocks und denn broduce from his shdores a pig flask of strong red wein. " I kess," he saidt, " mem Frcund you vill kit de pest part of your shdory out of dis. Id s astonishin how many tales und songs dis Reiseflaschc of mine holts. Nur zu ! Trink, Kamarad ! " Der oldt Tyroler dook a long und shdeady pull a-pointin de bottom of de flask at de soomit of de Solstein Alp vitch is petween acht und nine tousand feet apove de level of ordinary minds. Denn he say : " Der Gorgli vas a man dot bastured his cottle in de Valley of de Venvall. Dere vas a Brunncn or shbring of goot fresh water vere he lofed to go to squench his durst. Jao ! " Vonce oopon a dimes in de hot of de tay he coomed to de shbring to kit some trink-wasser, und ash he sit dere he heardt a Ldrm or noise a liddle vay off in das Dickicht, or dicket, und beep and see a most miseraplest, poorest liddle veller, all drippin mit rags or zerlumpt, dot look five- 91 Hans Breitmann in fourt s shdarved to deat , a yoompin oop mit afer so moosh droples, a-dryin to kit some perries off a bush, to eat. u Halt do und komm emol hier I say der Georgl, if you vants someding to eat, you boor liddle out-hungered TetifeL 1 u Das Mdnnlein coom to him, und der Georgli gife him a goot pig biece of butter-bread vitch der Kleine def houred like he vas never seen foot before in all his life. But vhen he cot done tone he say to Georgli : iil Du bist a gut veller, und now I vill bay you for dot Imbiss. 1 u< Dank* sc/id , bin scho bczohlt I dank you, but I am paid alreaty, rebly der Georgli. Sell is net wiser Branch, dot is not our vashion to dake money for vot ve gife to a veller in gompany. " k jaj rebly der liddle mann, but ven I dells beoples to do somedings, dey shenerally opey me for deir own goot. You see de sand in dis brook ? " k jao] said Georgli. 4 Id is fery visiple ven I look ad id. " Fery goot, Georgli, rebly de liddle shap. 92 Germany Tyrol. And if you will holdt your tongue und nefer say nodings to nopodies, you may coom to Luck mit it. Take so moosh of dat sand as you can corry in a sack, de more de petter for you und trafel mit id to Venedig or Venice. " Ven you kit dere, ashk for de palace of de Signore Moncenigo. Ven you go to de door und der Portier ashks you Vot you vant ! You yoost rebly, " Pronto" Denn you carry de Sand in und you will see vot you will pehold. " Tay by tay der Georgli gadder oop de sand, liddle py liddle, pecause dere only corned a liddle efery tay indo de blace, boot py und py he cot a Sack-voll, so much as he could bear, boot dot vas a goot deal. u Denn he say nodings to nopody, boot go all alone mit himself to Venice. Dot vas wondervoll sights to see, as schon as nefer vas. So he ashk from a Tyroler vot he foundt selling braces und chamois-horns on der Marcus Plotz, vot he moost do to find der Signore Moncenigo. " ( Potzblitz Landsmann] say der Tyroler-fo/tf. ( Vot der Teufel hafe you cot to do mit so crate a lordt ? Nun, gut so kit indo von of dem 93 Hans Ereitmann in Gandolas vot you see, and der man will dake you dere und Glilck sey mit Dir ! * Der Gorgl go mit der Gandola und come to a fine palacet. He ashkt der Portier und say ( Pronto? Denn de Portier bow down to de ground, und gall some oder vellers, all tressed oop, und dey dake him troo many shblendit rooms, dill he coom to von vhere dere vas a crate tall Signore, vot look morally like a king. He sent de servants oot, und say : " * Willkomm Georgli. I am clad to see you. Hofe you cot de Sand ? " Der Signore Moncenigo look ad de Sand all ofer carefully und denn say : " Georgl, here is a tousand ducats in gold for dot sand. " Der Georgl vas so glad ash he nefer vas. He dook de money, und der Signore say: " Tidn t you nefer see me pefore, Georgl ? " No, reblied Georgl. " Look me in de face, say der Signore. "Und as Georgl lookt, der Signore shrunk oop shmaller und smaller, und his face wizened oop dill Georgli gry mit ashdonishment : 94 Germany Tyrol. " Gelt ! du bist der liddle old veller vot I gaved de butter-bread to. " Nun, Georgl, rebly der Signore you can holdt your tongue apout dot. Dere is dings in dis vorldt dot is pest not dalked apout in tescriptions. " Der Georgl redurned home, und bought him a Schloss und land, und pecame a crate man. But ven he hoonted to find de spring, he could not discofer brook nor sand nor anyding. Dot vos a mysdery too. Howefer de hint of der Signore Moncenigo vas enof to make him halt his tongue und nefer go pack to Italien. ""Dwas all in Venice He gained his pennies : Dot lofely city shwimmin in de sea, Und from clot menace He ne er acain is Redurned dot lofely city for to see. " Dere vas a Stlenz only proken py de mono tone of de rooshing moundain torrent, und de far avay pleating of a goat. Der Breitmann lifd his eyes to Himmel und see in de plue far- 95 Hans Ereitmann in ness a plack spot shwimmin troo de Uncndlich- keit or mitout-end-ness of de summer sky. " Dot," he said, " is an eacle, und he look, like a rich tourist, toun on all de blaces in de land, und tespise de boor goat vot always shday in von field." " Goats can drafel too somedimes," rebly der oldt Tyroler. U I know anoder legend, vot lets idself pe singed mit a tune, apout a Ziegenbock or goat, dot drafelled far und fast to distand lands." " Dake anoder trink foorst," say der Breitmann. u Venefer you hafe de clock of a song, you petter wind id oop mit a bottle-key. Dot ist jo." Dey held a silent tialogue of trinks, ven der oldt man open his sack, und dook oud a zittern, und klimpcred mit his fingers oer de wires, und denn sang : DE GOAT UND DE SHPOON. Dere is tovvrin , soarin mountains In de lofty land Tirol, Dere is droopin , scoopin valleys Into vitch de torrents roll ; Eere is mighdy avalanches Vitch de icy giants flings In fight at one anoder, Dot roll like afery dings. 96 Germany Tyrol. In der Landestheir valley Lifed Simas Andra he Vent for a sommer season Afay to Hungary ; Dere he maket a fine connection, For de volk dot knew him said He live in fond affecdion Mit a wunder-lofely maid. Boot ash peneat de meadows A shinin in de Sonn Dere ish deep und awful caferns Where cloomy coblins wone, Or as tead men lie ge-buried All in a flowery dell, Dere vas witchcraft in de maiden Der Tyroler lofed so well. Now ven de Autumn shattows Growed longer afery tay ; Und all de crapes were vintaged Und de crops all poot afay, Der Simas dell de Madchen Vot lofe him heart und soul, Dot he moost for de winter Go pack indo Tyrol. De maiden she vas defer She make no row or fuss. She know so veil dat nefer It pays to make a muss, 97 Hans Breitmann in She said, " If you must go, dear, Oh blease retoorn und soon," Und gave him zum Andenken A wundrous silfer shpoon. Ja woJil dot shpoons vas curious Ash couldt pe, I ll pe pound, I kess dot soosh anoder Vas novhere lyin round, Mit a Teufel on de handle A-sittin in a tree ; Und caracders upon id All fool of mysdery. Nun, gut. Der young Tyroler Redurn unto his home ; Not meanin for de winter Some more aproad to roam, Boot while to de enchandress His hearts remainet drue, He like vise hat a Mutter Vot knowed a ding or dwo. It coom on Christmas even, Yen afery von was glad ; Und beoples pring togedder De finest dings dey had ; Yoost dinkin for disblayin De time vas opportune, Der Simas for a venture Brought oud his silfer shpoon. 98 Germany fyro/. De gombany admired it, From hand to hand it poss d ; Some say how fine de work vas, Some kessed how moosh it cost, Dill it coom unto his Mutter, Who look at it amiss Denn ask him " Who der Teufel, Mein Sohn, have give you dis ? : He dellt her pout de maiden He met vhere he did come, Who gife de shpoon unto him : De Mutter answer u Hum! Pefore you use dot Lqffel, For fear of trick or sells, I kess you d petter try it A-feedin some von else." Dere vas a goat peside him, Its hair vas soft as silk, Der Simas took der spoon up Und give dot goat some milk : Soon as der goat hafe daste it, He tantz oopon der floor, Denn bolted like der Teufel Right troo de open door ! Und rooshing madly onward, Dey saw dot he-goat go Along de silent valley, In moonlight o er de shnow. 99 Hans Ereitmann in De mutter say, " Dot Ziege Has cot to trafel far n ; He will not shtop his runnin Ondil he reach Hungarn." Now when der Mai vas kommen Und leafs vere on de dree, Und birds vere singin , Simas Vent pack to Hungary, Led shdill py de affecdion Vitch in his soul he felt, Dill he coom unto de house Vhere dot lofely maiden dwelt. Dere in a shady Garten, He found his lofely pride, Emproiderin a girtle A goat vas py her side : Der Simas bust oud laughin , Und she too, ven he say : " Mine dear aldough you spooned me I tidn t roon avay ! " Moral. You ve ofden heard it Und yet may hear it, soon. You can win de heart s affection By gifin folk a spoon. Vence coom de term of spoonm : Boot dis ding you should notes, Pestow dem on de sheepses Und nefer on de goats. 100 Germany Tyrol. Dere vas a silents for a pause, durin vitch de two shmoked deir pipes, till der Breitmann said : " You mendion dot dat hero vot to Venice Avent raised a Castel mit de results of his indus- trie. He buildt his house oopon de Sand dot vas a pad foundations." " Ne" rebly der Tyroler " it tepends on vot kind of sand you use. Gold sand maket a fery goot Grnnd for a house. Peobles say ven land is all sand und moss id is goot for noding. But Moss ist wort money somedimes." u y#," answer Hans. " In de Yiddish language moes or moos means money." u Und I knowed of a man," respondet der Tyroler, " dot got rich mit Moss. Dot vas a long dime ago. Dis veller had peen a robber vot pelonget to de band of Schinderhannes, der Rauber of der Rhine. Ja wohl. Nun, ven der band vas gebrochen oop und Schinderhannes vas gcradert or vheeled off, dis Deutscher infentet a new way to make a livin . Ja luohl. He vent into de forest-woods und filled a great sack mit Moss. 101 Hans Ereitmann in " Denn he vent do a G^^-house, or tavern, und ashk for der pest bett-room. In dcr Nacht he rosed und gerippt oop de fedder-bett und shtoled all de fedders und put dem mit demselfs indo de sack, und de moss he used to stoff de Bett mit. Denn he do it all oop acain mit a sew-needle und tread, so goot ash efer was." " Nun dot was fery sinnrcich und defer ! " " Nicht wahr f Nun, gut, he nex tay he go way mit de fedders und carry dem home vhere he sell fedder-betts mit a shop. Ja so. Und he garry dis pisiness on for fifdeen yar mit aller- greatest securidy, pecause beoples tid not dis cofer for long dimes dot de fedders was moos, und denn dey dinked id vos der bett-seller vot schwindled dem. " Nun, vonce oopon a dimes he coom to a Gasthaus vhere he hot shdole fedders long pefore, und forgot it. Dis dimes, hafin no moos he had gestohlcn some hay und shtoff his sack mit id. Now he left der sack a lyin unadver- tendly on de grund, und dere come py an shack- ass vot shmelt de fodder, und tore der sack open und pegan to eat de hay, und der Gastwirth, dot 102 Germany Tyrol. is der landlord, observe dis, und mistrow, or sospecdt somedings ven all at vonce de fedders flash oopon his memory und he say, Potz- blitz ! dis must pe der Sakermentskerl vot shteal das Gcficder, or de plumage out of mine betts ! Wart nur, du infamer verruchtcr Schlingel ich bring Dir eins ! Yoost wait you invamous accursed mishcreants, und see vot you ll catch ! Dir wird was sc/iwics gebacka, du vcrdammter Tcufclssohn ! Hoi dich der Hcnkcr, du Frank furter Aas ! mit efer so many more Dutch cuss-words, for he was so angry dot he dalk Dcutsch gradaus. " So dot night dey set a votch troo a key holes und vot you dinks dey see mit demselfs All in de finster Mitternacht Ven honest volk in shleeps vere lockt, put dis Galgcnbube a rippen open de Bctt, und confisticatin de fedders ! So dey roosh in oopon him, und schlog him on de kop, und boot him mit kicks, und tie him mit a rope und stick him on prison vhere he gonfess all his grimes. Ja wohl. Mein Grossvater hafe seen his kop dot 103 Hans Breitmann in Germany Tyrol. is his het many a yar ober de City-gate und vot vas woondervoll de Raben or ravens shtick it full mit fedders, as a cushion mit stick-needles. Ja wohl ! " Und here I gannot refrain from be-markin dot accordin to der learned Schlachtensch- lagerius in his Buch, De Pliunis Arripiendis, Nuremberg, 1530. die Idee of dis Tale is far more antiquateder dan de peginning of dis century. Dis wrider draces it pack, foost to a Classic source, dot vas der Shackdau in Esops Fabulce vot shtealed de beacock-fedders, himself to orna- mente ; Segondly to de primaeval German- Teutonic Frau Holle, who is de goddess of Fedders vitch ash she ist an infernal deity imblies shdealin. Derefore ven it shnows, de Dootch shildrens say dot " de Fcdersack or fedder-pag, of Frau Holle is borsted open," or dat " Frau Holle is makin de Fedders fly." Now dis Frau Holle ist Frigga or Freya, for vitch reason I peliefe dot in dis shtory, apout der feller s shtealin fedders, we hafe de relics or draces of a myth based oopon de oldt Northern worship of dis goddess. Dot s so. 104 CHAPTER VI. VY DE ALL - ALONELINESS OF NATUR MIT SPOOKS AND OFER-NATURAL PEINS GEFILLED IS. DE BALLAD-SHTORIES OF DE KAUNSER- WITCH DE HAZEL- WITCH DIE BELL OF KALTEIN UND DIE WOONDERFULL PEASE. " Truly there can be no doubt, as Gregorius relates (Lib. 3, Dialogorum c. 7) of Bishop Andrew, that demons and all kinds of strange beings dwell in lonely places, uninhabited by man. For it befell to him by night that he solitudinis pavore tttrbatus, frightened by Solitude, suddenly beheld a vast assembly of malignant Spirits." Tractatus de Con- fessionibus Maleficorum et Saganim. Auctore PETRO BlNSFELDIO, A.D. 1596. VEN a man is in de dremendous scenerie of Mountain-Natur where all is silentz proke at intervales py strange ooncanny sounds like ravens grys, de wailin of die Winds de fall of 105 Hans Breitmann in rocks de Torrent flowin like an entless Voice while far above forests on forests rise like cloudts apove de cloudts dill lossed in light, denn he veels dot Solitude is almost von mit Sooplimity. Und noch wciter dot is, furder shtill, vhen he see, as is fery gommon in de Tyrol, so many cliffs und beetlin risin rocks like towers, turr eted, and castles old, windowed und gated ash by ancient art, so like to machicoles or crenelles, seeming more like dem in de Abendgluth or rosy efenin den Solitute mit such helps, itself einflustert or whisper into oos dot dere is Dings dot live here dings not of Eart , spiridual und wild und dot it spooks und ghosts vhere Man s pegone ! Ja wohl as in de oldten dime de magina- tion of de Geisterseher beoplet de Wtiste or Wildernesses of Syria und Egypten mit all kinds of Lemures, Daemons und consimilar Operations soosh as Satyrs und Fauns, so der dweller in de mountains high, seems raiset mit height unto Supernal dings, und efer dinks on spectral Elvish life. De English tourist may miss it, efen if he drafel efer so teeply indo de 1 06 Germany Tyrol. Tyrol, but a Sud-Deutscher dot is in touch, or in Berilhrung or Empfindung mit de beoples, will soon find dot dere is apout so many Spooks, or Butzc in de in-land,avay from de towns ash dere is in-dwellers or onhapitans. Dus to example dey pelieve dot ven de Seniurleu? or folk dot take care of de gattle, soosh ash cows mit bools, und maken milk und butter on de At id or mountain meadows, all pelieve dot vhen dey mofe oud of deir huts in de Autumn, de Spooks all dake deir blace und wone in dem all de Winter. Uyd dese ghostly In-dwellers is of apout sixdy tifferent kinds, de brincipal bein de Getsts or ghostes und ghostesses of Senncrlcu? or cow-herds vot gommitted some grimes soosh ash losin gattle und not accountin for dem to de owners ; derfore dey moost live in timid misery till dey are erloset or set free py somepody who fery ofden becomes a treasure of Gold by so-doin. De numper of Legende vot prove dis is beyont all pelief, derefore it follow dot dere moost pe some Wahrheit or Trut in it. Ja wohl. Zwcitens or Secontly. Dere is tausents of 107 Hans Breitmam:. in Hexen or Witches dot haunt or spook in dese blaces. Und dis remind me dot ven I vas in Kauns, dere was an oldt woman dat told me dis Story as follow, from which I maket dis Song : THE KAUNSER-WITCH. List und I ll sing you a sing-u-lar tale, Dere lived in old dimes in de Kaunser-dale In a haus dot is shtandin efen now, A man dot had a peautiful Frau, Und a gleferer womans oopon my soul ! Vas not to be fount in all de Tyrol. Yet mit so many strange and mysderious vays, Dot Nopody givet her oonmingelt braise ; Und efen her Mann was always in doubt As to somedings in her he couldn t make out ; A ding vitch we know don t very well go, For dough it may charm on a virst acquaindance, Dis cerdain to lead in de end to repentance. Now dis Mann was py trade a shoemaker, Und it happend von efenin he saidt to her : " I would like to go to-morrow morn Indo mine fieldt to harvest mine corn ; It is ripe you know, und alreaty cut, Und dere it lies for the gadderin but I hafe work in de haus und dot is drue, Und I m dropled not knowin yoost vot I most do, For if rain should fall it would be forlorn, Since dot wouldt cerdainly shpoil mein Corn." 108 - Germany Tyrol. So he spoked his wife. Darauf set she, " Ach,geh* nur ! yoost leaf dot harfest to me, All of de matter in order I prings, If you leaf me alone like averydings." " How will you do it ? " Yoost nefer you mind, In de efenin all will pe ready you ll find ; Go to your vork like a nice liddle Mann, Und I ll manage de harfest so goot ash I can." Now when dese worts to der Mann were saidt, All kind of dinkin coom indo his headt, Und all de next tay it roon in his kop, How der Teufel his wife would harfest de crop ; Dill he say to himself : "No harm I ll cotch If I hides mineself in de wood to watch : I don t like dings mysderious so ; Vot die Frau is a-doin der Mann should know. To catch a goblin you take an elf." So he vent py night und conceal t himself, Oop in a tree all tuckered avay. Where he saw de corn in de Acker dot lay. At mitternight as he lay conceal d, His Frau com glidin into de field, Holdin a proom like fire in her hand Which she wafe like a queen when she give command ; She look at the corn in many a row, Und all dot she say was, " Blow, Wind blow ! " 109 Hans Ereitmann in Vhen yoost in de momendt dot she shpoke, A derriple wind like a shtorm awoke, Und de wind it tid votefer she pid, For it lifted the roof of his barn like a lid Vhen you raise de top of a Kist or box, Or open a toor to a berson dot knocks ; Mem Gott ! Dwas a derrible sights to see How de dings was manag d py Sorcery ! Den it lifted all of de Shocks of corn, Und garry dem vlyin indo de barn ; Hei how dey flittet und ho ! how dey flew ! It all was tone in a minute or two, Ja in a momendt id ail was o er, Und die roof of de barn shut down as before. Die Frau was to-haus vhen der Mann com in, She say to her huspand Vhere hafe you peen ? " I hafe peen Gott knows in dis life of mine Full many a time in trouple und Pein, Many a dime in sorrow und smart, But noding pefore efer vent to my heart, Noding e er grieved me I dells you true, Like vot dis night I hafe seen you do." She borst out laughin und saidt mit shkorn : " Dot is my dank for safin your corn Dot hat else peen spoiledt mit rain und frost : " He answer, " I d rat er id all were lost, no Germany Tyro/. All dot I hafe in de work I d miss, Rat er dan have it be-safed like dis ; Der Teufel is nefer a trusty friendt, Und all petween us is now at an end ; I lofed you vonce put it all is o er, Go vhere you will. We shall meet no more." Mit ringing laughter she filled de room, Und leapt mit a shout on her fiery broom, " Goot py denn, my Narr, if you like," say she ; " Fire mit water can nefer agree, De witch is a fool who weds mit a man Dot wont dake money whenefer he can, Und der Mann anoder who marries a witch Und like to pe poor vhen he mighdt pe rich : Oben, hinaus und nirgends an, Whoop in de mitnight, I ll fly when I can-^- Goot py for efer mine goot liddle man ! Goot py to you mit your corn und your house, I m off to de Brocken heraus ! hcraus ! " Off she shot in de silent night, Far in de tistands he watched de light, As it dimmed away, of de fiery broom, Denn he heav t a sigh in de darkenet room. Was he griev t or not ? Ach* who can tell ? De brisoner sighs ven he leaves his cell ! " Nun," saidt Breitmann, " vhedder dere is Witcheses dot can ride on prooms und raise de i ii Hans Breitmann in Wind in a Shtorm, buchstablich } or literally makin a tevil of a litter of dings, is more dan I can be-dear or schwear at. But dot dere is womens who are so mysterios und fool of egg- centric hidden caprices, und unsteady habits und wanton idle wills mixed oop with cleverness und gootness, as to pe really soupernatural, is drue und whet er dey have sold demselfs to der Teufel or not dey are dere dot is dey are out of humanity und Natur. Denn again dere are many, or all, of dese, who for some liddle wrongs pecome so outerorderly fmdictive und shpiteful, follerin oop Revenge mit all deir soul und life, dot a white Christian can-not really oonderstand dem at all so id is no crate vonder dot he dinks dey are all de sisders und shildren of Satan." " Dot is drue," remarked his frient der Pro fessor. " Und yoost ash dere is a certain relict of de oldt savage or giant, of early dimes, in efery man, so is dere a drace of de witch in de pest und sweedest of women or a lofe of suffering vhen it is caused py herself, vitch flatters vanity und vhere you find dot, dere is de plack hell- witch, und de dree trops of Teufel s blood 112 Germany T yrol. seldom a-\vantin in de fairest pody. Nor does Religion take it cud of dem, pecause de piousest nuns, und Presbyterianest Scotchesses, und New Englandest proprietesses, und Moralistes, alvays seem to me to pe de unforgivinest und spite fullest of all de Witches, at heart. Nun, gut we are all boor wretches Gott forgife oos ! " " Vot de spitefoolness und Tcufclslust of witches concerns," say der Schoolmaster ash he lift der Deckel off his Biermaas und saufta. long trink " D*rauf kann ich was crzdhlc on dot lean dell a shtories." Und mitout waitin to pe squeezed boot foorst profidin himself mit anoder goot pull at de moog ash Viaticum for his journey, he rooshed onvarts in his plind career as be- vollows : DE HAZEL WITCH. Nort of Botzen on a hill, Shtands a grey und time-worn tower Marred by many a winter s chill Summer s sun und Audumn shower, Shtandin high und broud und lone Like a grim lord vot shbeak to none, Least of all to men ven he Is in old age mit poferty. 113 H Hans Ereitmann Wondrous dings dot Tower has seen In de oldten dime I ween, For dwas pilt ash all men know, Full a tausent Yar ago, Twas a Walsche magian Who de structur foost pegan, Murmuring de tree-fold shpell He pringed to him de fiends of hell : Denn a maiden foorst of all Dey build alive into de wall, Dot her spirit, ash dey say, Mighdt guard der Thurm, und well, for Aye. Py demon skill de whole was made, Py demon hands dose walls were laid, Und teufels carved de forms grotesque, Ofer each arch in wild burlesque, So dot when finish t from dot hour Id was well call d der Defil s Tower. Ages hafe vlown Boot de Tower still Grey und alone Shtands on de hill, Ever uncanny its castellany With imps in every gorner und cranny, Und for its masters Dose lords of disasders ; Wizards or Sorcerers Pringin, of course, terrors, Raisin of Sturms mit Hagel und Blitz A-shkarin de beoples all rount indo vits. 114 Germany Tyrol. So it vent for many a yar Und der Teufel was alvays clere, Dill id com to bass in de Anno Domini Sefenteen hundert mit fifty six Dot an oldt vitch mit sin und ignominy All in dot Tower was blayin her dricks, DohV her tamtest de beasants to vex Und was generally known ash die Haselhex* Or de Hazel-witch Cause she garry a switch, Or a rod dot vas coot from a hazel-dree, De gauses of vitch you shall bresently see. Dis Hazelhex* had an orphan yout Whom she kepdt I peliefe in trut As a Teufelshex , Only to vex Dease und torture, pe-devil und spite, Worry und hurry from morn to nighdt, Vhen he was goot she kickt him aroun Und vhen he vasnt, ge-knockt him down, Und shmack his vace und treatet him yes, Like a canni-bally old Sorceress ! Von efenin in Autumn dis witch, saidt she To her poy, " Now come mit your pasket mit me. Id is dime to run You lazy, itle idiots-son ! You tont want no more rest, So com to de forest, Hans Ereitmann in Und gadder nuts, you undershtood Vhile I go furder into de wood Vhere I have cot somedings for to do. Boot mind dis dings vot I say to you : If you dare Pe-ware ! pe-ware ! If you dare to follow me Und be-seeket any dings for to see, Py shingo ! I ll make minsch-meat of dee, Und dot is true, Uh-hu ! Uh-hu / " She lookt like der Teufel ash she said it, Und he put it toun to der Teufel s credit. Soon dey coom to de forest ground Vhere de Nuts vere a lyin all around, Put de poy he took em mit sorryfool feelin , Pecause a-dakin dese noots vas shtealin , Und he knew dot if caught py de owner a doin-it, He vouldt fery cerdainly soon be rue-in it. Und ash he pickt he kep dinkin und dinkin Into vot blace de oldt witch could pe slinkin , Und vot de gause Of dis secresy vas ; Dill at last he say, " May der Teufel swallow her ! Anyhow I am goin to follow her ! " Saidt und done, Away he run, Trackin her closely on her path, Nefer a-heedin her spite or wrath, 116 Germany Tyrol. Dill he come to a blace in a lonely wold ! Und oh ! vot dings he vas dere pehold ! Five hundert witches und seventy dree, All on a howlin und derriple spree ! Roundt on a dree Hung a hundert skulls in which shone a light Green und red from de eyes so pright, Ofer dem all in de gadderin night, Vot made a remarkaply derrible sighdt ; Und on a crate shtone, Mit vines o ergrown, Sat a forty-teufel orchestra Dot on forty instrumends tid blay To de witches und wizzers a yellin und tantzin , Huggin und shkreeming and leapin und prancin . Soon ash de witch appear d on de cround, Dere vas von crate gry from de rest around, Und von of dem saidt, " You re de last of all Who hafe come to-night to tantz at de ball ; Derefore you moost pe torn to bieces, Ash at gander-pullins de men tear geeses ; Dot is de law mitout a doubt, Und ve are a goin to garry it out. Mit a Hup, hurrah ! Potz Teufel und Blitz ! Dey flew at de Hexe und tore her to bits, Und trowed dem here und scattert dem dere, So de bieces were vlyin apout in de air. At last ven weary of kissin und nghtin , Tantzing und trinkin , und yellin und bitin , Hans Ereitmann in Dey gaddered de bieces of deir victim ; Und vhen from here und dere dey had pick d em, Und laid in order the mangled vitch, Dey stroked de whole mit a hazel-switch, Solemnly sayin : " Abuscabornio Aldiboronti phoscopliornio, Chrononthoiogos Bambochides A denoclunin staridysar chides Appalecheosmoccommctico, Barago bango ballabamdetico ! " Vhen at de word, Soon as she heard De sound of dese magical rhymes so defer, De vitch yoomped as lively ash efer ; Und denn unto her de oders said : " We hafe refived you from de dead, Und now you may live mitout pain or stitch, Till some one shall call you a Hazel- Witch; Pe it in earnest or pe it in fun, You will denn fall tead as sure as a gun." Hid, und to keep his silentz still able, De poy had listen d to afery syll-aple ; Havin a mind apofe his stadion, He efen rememperd de tinpancation, Und bored in his memory de liddle switch, Und tidn t forget de " Hazel-Witch:" " Und now I hafe cot der Teufel s elixir, Nex : dime she s sassy," said he, " I ll fix her !" 118 Germany Tyrol. Nor tid he have fery long to wait, For oop she com mit a hurryin gate, Und look in his pasket und gry, " Potzbutz ! Du Galgenbubc vhere ish de nuts ? Du A as du Esc I du Luder Heins ! Wart nur du Schlingel! Ich bring dir Eins ! " Und she schlog him like Blitzen on de kop, Und hit like she nefer was goin to shtop ; So he soon moost hafe passed from dis Werlt to de nex , If he hadn t hollered : " Du Haselhex ! " De word ge-spoken, De charm ge-brocken, De Zauberspruch said ; She lay mit de tead, De form py dunder ! All tumpled asunder. De het was here und de leeks were dere, In a scatteration efery where, Und I really cannot plame de poy Dat he tantzted around de collection mit yoy. Shtill you may see dot casdle fair So rosy-red in the sunset air ; Boot cofered mit ivy and grey old moss, For dings ain t now like dey used to vas, For vitches no longer circle on high, Und swoop on deir prooms from de mitternight sky IIQ I Hans Breitmann in Und imps no longer mit gry und yell, Seem pent on raisin barticolar H611 , As if by Meister Lucifer led, Dey were pizzy mit paintin de settlement red ; For now ash we know der Teufel is dead, Yed shtill de pheasants mit dremplin tone, Will shpeak of de tays dot is passt und gone Dose derriple dimes of oldt in which Das Land was ruled by de Hazel Witch. u y#," bemark der Professor. " Dere is some- dings fery mysterios apout Hazels. In de old German poetry, dot push is alvays ge-called Frau Hazel like it hat a soul und vherefer dis occurs to a plant or bird it means dot it is regardet ash a supernatural pein likevise has it a crate moral influence being generally used to vip liddle pad poys mit. Und dere is ofden fount some Hazel nuts in ancient graves as a sympol pecause yoost like a putterfly hide herself in a goccoon, to coom vlying out like averydings or de nut-kernel hide in de shell pefore it boorst upwards into a plant so de humane soul itself in de ground hide must ere it rise to eternal day-life. Derefore is it lucky nuts of any kind in de bocket to carry, ash I 120 - -s "^ Germany Tyrol. mineself horse-shestnuts agains de rheumatism do bear. But shpeakin of Witches in de Tyrol, I know anoder tale which ven it gepleasin is de honourable companie to, I vill here norate." Und he norated as follow : DE BELL OF KALTERN. Oh de shoorsh-pells at even, How shweetly dey ring ! Like angels in heafen Dey murmur und sing ! Where musik can trafel, Deir echoes are found ; Und naught dot is efil Can list to de sound. So softly, so quaintly dey chime in deir blay, So gently, so vaintly denn dyin afay Fading out mit de tay ! Now no witch can hang out vhere de Church Glocke hang, For pein ge-blest dey re ofraidt of de clang ; At de fery foorst sound of soosh pells dey are lost, Und shrivel like skeeters vhen hit py a frost, Und ter Teufel himself vouldt pe off on de wing Vhen de crate pell of Kaltern pegan for to ring, Ei I dot busted oop, like a sight for to see, In grand scatteration, die whole gompanie, 121 Hans Breitmann in Und goot Christians like oos arn t more vritenet of H611 Dan de vitches vere shkeered at de sound of dot pell ! Oontil at de last, Deir patience all past, Und de fery end thread of the skein pein spun, Dey shwore dere must cerdainly Somedings pe done ; Und Somedings dey tid too, at once, dot is " poz," Und you soon will soormise vot de handiwork was. Dhere s a widow in Eppan Mit glance like a dart, A derriple veapon Vot bierce efery heart, Mit de sofdest of laughder, De schweetest of shmiles ; Gott knows vot com after Vhen vonce she peguiles ! Und dis lady of Eppan Is charmingly dresst ; She feedeth on capon, Mit wein of de pest : Dough vhence she derivet de food und de clo se, Und how she got dese dings, or com 3 to have dose, Is vot she hafe nefer to no von disclose, Vitch maket moosh woonder ash you may suppose. Now ven beoples pefore dem keeps alvays a curtain, Dere s somedings pehind it unright, dot is cerdain ; Und all vere assur t dot dis peautifool widow Hung out vot de French call a fery large ridcau. 122 . Germany Tyrol. But Hermann von Valk, A shivalric yung plade, Who vas not of talk Nor of myst ries afraid, Vas all de more taken, Enshanted und shaken, Enroptured und smashed, Be-glamoured und mashed Py de peautiful eyes und die wunderfoll mystery Dot seem to enfelope dis Lamia s hisdory ; Und von tay vhen in shport de fair wittow would task him, He schwored he would do her votefer she ask him, He gare not a shdraw were it dot, were it dis If she only wouldt gife him von ropturous giss. Mit de winsomest shmile Dot wouldt fetch you a mile, Und a Soft in her voice Dot would gife you no choice Boot to do vot she vanted : " Geliebter" say she, " I can only ask someding shivalric from dee, Soosh ash nople und gallant young vellers perform Vhen deir hets dey are prafe, und deir hearts dey are warm ; Yet dot vot I want You can easily crant. In vact tis as easy as yompin a hurdle, Yoost glimp de church-sdeeple a bearin dis girdle ; 123 Hans Ereitmann in De shdeeple of Kaltern, You know id fool well ; Und binding, you shall turn Dis belt round de pell ; Bind it und wind it, Und vhen you have twined it Vhen dis is done und my love ist returnet he May giss if he like to de ent of Eternity." Now as you may hafe guessed, Dis yung Hermann von Valk Vas not, truly confesset, A man easy to balk ; So as soon ash de widow her yarn had spun, He yoomp to his feets, und gry eagerly Done ! For soosh a revart I geschwear py mein Soul, I d belt all de bells in das land of Tyrol ! Gife me de girtel. I dells you vot, I ll pe pack dis efenin " Und off he shot. Now dough dis Hermann Hot no scrupulosity, Yet as a German He d crate curiosity ; Vitch ding is de Mutter of all suspicion ; So he toorn it ofer mit more precision, Und he say to himself, " I vish I could tell Vot it is dat she want of a-beltin de bell ? Tis fery mysteries hum ! let me see ! Soopose I virst try it oopon dis tree ; Dere s noting at all in de vay to prefent Soosh a liddle hormless exsperiment. 124 German v Tyrol. ^^ ^ -^i ^^^^ .^^ So half-oondinkin , or half in yoke, He pound der Girtle apout an oak ; It was a most trementous dree, Biggerer nopody efer tid see Shtandin alone so grand und solemn, Mit drunk ash dall und ash shtrait ash a column ; But shkarce dot girtle was brought around, Und shkarce der belt on de park was pound, Ven a crash like a tausent Donners came Und pefore his eyes all swum in a flame, Ash if hell had proke loose in fery fact, Und from dop to pottom de oak-tree crack d Und de fragments flew afar und wide, Vhile der Herr von Valk lay stunn d long side. De bells were a-ringin mitnight twelf Pefore der yung gentleman coom to himself, Und when he cot dere " Potz-blitz ! " said he, " I am clad dot I tried de belt on a tree, For if I had bound it round de bell Vitch de witches all fear like poison und H611 " Vhen havin saidt dis he soodenly stop d, Ash if an idee on his senses had dropp d, Und he roar d " Donnerhagel mit Blitz nnd pitch Now may I pe tarn but de widow s a witch ! Es leuchtet mir ein I pehold it clear ! Ash I see yon Moon in her silber sphere : Dot vas a nice liddle task dot the vidder Hans Breitmann in Gave me to do, vhen I coom to consider. Subbose inshteat of a dree I had blaced Dot peautiful Girtle apout mine waist ! Dot war an elegant shange of scene, Hoi sie der Teufel ! Vhere vouldt I peen ? So sure ash a Bohm trinks Slibovitz, Bust to bieces und plown to bits : So now I will go mit mine self to Haus Schbne Hexe ! Mit dir isfs aits ! I can shtand a crate deal," he said mit a sigh, "But not der Teufel und so good-pye ! Py dis atfenture I plainly see Dot two of a trade can nefer agree : Ven von has tolled de oder can t tell. Und a belle, if a witch, is afraid of a Bell. :j " Sehr gehingcn" remark der Schulmeister . " Well tone. De reason vy witches cannot pear to hear church-bells ring is dis dot mit efery shtroke ven dey ring de Hcxc must her breat in-hold, till de sound dies away so dot if der Sexdon ring fery strong und long dey kits most to deat choke-strangled worser as when you yourselfs burnin Sulphur in-breathe. Ja, dot is drue ! Now de Vitches lofe to make Sturms mit Donner und Blitz und for dis dey in de cloudts ride, de crops to destroy 126 Germany Tyrol. ash is veil pe-known. And of dot I mine- Self do a ballad know " " Sing it," gry de gompany. So he sang : DE WUNDERFOLL PEASE. Karl der Student Was dot kind of a Mann Vherefer he vent He learn all dot he can; He hat kenned de Walschers in Italy, Und dravelled in Deutschland dings to see. So gar among de Frenchers in France ; Vhere was somedings to learn he ne er lossed a chance. Vherever he go Or vherefer he wander d, On earth pelow His time vas ne er squandered, Und derefore in time ash his Industrie meritet, He got to pe fery excessifely er-u-dite. One day in Lavern Near de town of La Roche, He sot in a tavern A-waitin de coach, Und foundt an old Buck. Says he, " Dere s a minute I ll yoost dake a look und see vot may pe in it ; " Tvas a werk on Magic and Divination, Und in he read dis Incantation : 127 Hans Ereitmann in " Take a Jiuman skull And let it pe full Of church-yart earf , Und next in dot dirt Tree peas dou must sow, Und denn let em grow Till anoder crop Shbrings out of de Kop ; Und denn, if you blease, Pick all of de Peas, Und next) mit regard, Keep } em all till dty re hard, Und denn to see fun Load em into a gun, Und fire dem off, oop into de sky, Hut look out vhenyou shoot dot you aim de gun high? Karl hadn t no dime to read any more, Vhen de coach com a rottlin oop at de door ; So he drafelled avay boot dot charm vot he read, Somehow would nefer go out of his head ; Nor de gurious manner in vitch he come by it, Dill von tay he shwore, " Donncrwetter, I ll try it ! Vhet er der teufel pe in it or not. I would like yoost to see vot ll coom of de shot." So he got an old skull, secundum artem. Und in it he blanted de peas to start em, Und dey shprouted undoubted so frisch und fine, Und growed to a fery mocknificent vine, 128 Germany T yroL Ash all dings grow from churchyard sods, Till dere hung from it many well-ripen t pods ; Und vhen dey were hard peyond a doubt, Der Student gaddered und shelled dem out, Und he note mit amaze vhen he come to pull it, Dot avery one vas ash hard as a bullet. Dus having pegun, He dook an old gun, Ash quaint a Bix ash you efer did see, Datet M.D.C. . . . Inlaidt mit silfer und ivory, Mit a curious lock, Und an epony shtock On which was inlaid und dis is de trut : Domine dirige " Lord help me shoot ! " Ven harm charged it mit excellent powder, Proceedet mit paper and peas to crowd her, You d hafe dinked dot he wouldt have himself ex ploded, Mit haste so impatient , gut tvas loaded. Now yoost at dot minute, Like teufels were in it A dunderin , thunderin , derriple shtorm Came boorstin apout, all ofer de farm, Enof to greate a trementous alarm, Mit drees doun crashing Und blitzen a-vlashin , 129 i fl Hans Ereitmann in De wind a roaring mit terriple sound, Und der fery old teufel to pay all round, Vhile yoost oferhet in risible sight Came a Cloud ash gloomy and dark as Night ; Dere vas Somedings in it so vild und grimm Dot look yoost ash if it were comin for Him ! Like a Dragon dot vouldt if it had de apility Go for him smack mit de ootmost hostility, Und aldough soosh a veelin most cerdainly damnin is It woke in der Student & gandiuni certaminis When you swear you " don t care if te foe can lick ten o me, Gife me a shanse und I ll fly at de enemy." Und so dis redoubtaple Musen-sohn, Mit an Ave Maria, put oop his gun, Und remem brin vot de Bitch told him he should, Aimed his parrel ash high as ever he could ; Perpendicular unto de shky, At de cloud s mittel he denn let vly ; Slap he sent her Right into de centre ; Und nefer on earth vas a gun dot rung Mit soosh a trementous und horrible " BOONG ! " It vas hearet, I sh wears you oopon my soul ! All de way ofer de whole Tirol ! Boot oh vot horrors ! Ven doun from de shky Somedings not porous Seemed for to vly, 130 Germany Tyrol. Somedings solid mitout jocosity Coomed shootin to eart mit de ootmosd felocity ! Id fell peside him yoost on de shpot Oont it vas a human peings bet Gott! A female corpus Nod von dings or todder A ding amorpus Vot maket him shooder ! Id seemet his plood to ice to convert, Vhen he saw d dis Horror coom shootin downvart ! Ja wohl, ja iuohl,ja wohl,ja ivohl ! A woman s trest in a black Camisol^ A shpecies of woollen garment ; which is Especially worn py feminine vitches Vhen dey ride in a shtorm, Pecause id is warm ; So aldough id serfes fery well to protect her, Id is also known as a vitch detector. Denn soon all de beoples gaddered around To look at de corpse lyin dere on de ground ; Till von saidt : " I know her upon my soul ! Dis de vickedest Vitch in all Tirol ! Deres isn t a Hex Of all de sex, Nor a Teufclskind of de Compagnie, Dot has made so moosh droples or efils as she ; None of dem all so horrid vt grob is, Ave Maria or a pro no bis / Hans Breitmann in Germany Tyrol. Dis is de shtory. Id all is o er, But Karl nefer vent on such hoonting no more \ Yet dis ding for a Moral he learned py de py : Vhcn you go for pig game always aim your gun hizh ! 132 CHAPTER VII. A SHTORY FROM BOTZEN DE DEAD HEAD VOT MAKE DE FORTUNE OF DER STUDENT JOHANNES. "Circa annum Domini 1200 in Vienna repertum fuit Caput cujusdam defuncti, lingua ad hue Integra, cum labiis, et loquebatur recte. Episcopo autem in- terrogante, qualis fuisset in vita, respondit : * Ego eram paganus et judex in hoc loco, nee unquam lingua mea protulit iniquam sententiam, quare enim mori non possum donee aqua baptism! renatus ad coelum evolem, quare propter hac gratiam apud Deum merui. Baptizato igitur capite, statim lingua in favillam corruit et spiritus ad Dominum evolavit." Wernerus Rolevinck Larensis, de Westphalia (Lib. i. c. 5). IT was all in de Stadt Botzen in Tirol, dot der Herr Breitmann shmoked a pipe in a garten under trees mit his friendts a-diskurririn idly as it war mit Abwcsenhcit or Absentness of Mind. All at a glance he say : 133 Hans Ereitmann in " Vas it efer to you in a Gallerie befal dat you all at vonce dink you sees some long for- gotted friend or tistant scene ; yoost as if you enshanted war und ven you to yourself gckom- men bist you find dot it only a picture is ja und perhops only a liddle like de vision of your Soul. Nun, dis tay as I vas bass de Street along, it mineself come ofer dat I see a friendt dot dis t irty yar gepuried lies so drue und reel as couldt pe dock wenn I like again up- gewaked bin id was only an old Gotisch shteinkop dot from a stone-carvin heraus stuck. I really dinked it seemed to pe a laughin at me." "Kami sein" reblied a friend. " Dere ish shtrange dales pout some of dem old headts. Dere is von in Florence man says dot it was once a real lifin Monch, vot got into shtone ge- putrified or vcrstcinert, as a punishmendt pecause he maket fun of a griminal dot fore-by goin to pe beheaded was. Und dot Kopf still py Santa Maria Maggiore to be seen is fery wondervoll to pehold." u Und yet dereto," add der Herr Rumpel- 134 Germany *Tyrol. meyer, " und more wunderfuller ist de htstoria how in Vienna im Yar Twelf-hundert, a human headt upge-dugged war, dot was all alive -ja, ganz Icbendig. Und it shpoke de beoples Lateinisch schr gut in Latin und ask vot yar it vos, und vanted to know vedder Chris tianity hot coom along yet ? Denn der Epis- copus talked it in Latin, und der Kopf say : I was a pagan in de Roman dime, und I was Judcx or Shoodge in dis blace. Und pecause I nefer pronouncet a lie in all mine life, und nefer an unyoost sentence spoked to any man, it was ordainet dat I should not die und go mit de oder Heat ens, but live till I could pe paptized a Christian. Denn der Bischof baptize dot het when all at vonce it died und fell into doost und from it a shpirit rosed oop to Heafen." "y#, dot is a peautiful shtory," resumet der Rumpelmayer after a short pause mit a long trink of bier " und yet dere is also a more wunderfoller von of a Student who was geborn in dis fery town of Botzen, dot I in an old manuscript hafe readt. Und } mit Erlaubniss, if you hermit, dot tale I vill also norrate 135 Hans Breitmann in pointedly, yoost as it is set doun in a Chronik in AH-Deutsch vitch I into modern German over-set will." Denn he telled dis shtory, vitch I have here into rymes rendered. But id is vort notice dot dis subject of off-ge-cutted nets is so extentsife dot it a Buck py itself deserfes. For dere ist de headt of der physician Douban in the Arabian Nights, mit de headt of Orpheus vot talket to Cyrus, und dot of de priest of Jupiter, und anoder von tescripet by Trallianus, und de marfellously breservet headt of de Saint describet in Olof Tryggvason s Saga, und De Witch s Headt of dot crate und genial Mosaic-worker Rider Haggard, mit afer so many more, not to shpeak of de Teraphim Kopfs dot were made to shpeak mit tubes und Friar Bacon s Cabut /#, I a Buch write will some tay on dis wahr- haftig. Boot now to de poem. THE STUDENT AND THE HEAD. Dere vas vonce &fahrende Student, Dot is a travellin young gent- Elman whose regular Cur s it is To be-seek de tifferent Universities, 136 T Germany Tyrol. Und vot is now pecomin a rarity, Livin so well as he could from charity, Makin his livin By oder folks given Votefer dey hat to shpare im Noth, Som dimes bennies und som dimes Brot : Alvays gay, A-workin his way, Gettin along Mit shtories und song, Und rich ven he hat in his bocket a dollar, Soosh vas de life of Johannes der Scholar. Nun, gut. Von efenin it corned to bass, Dot he found himself sittin oopon de grass, Veary mit walkin, to roost a-while, Mit nefer a house for many a mile, Nodings around him but mighdy rocks : Unt he dinked, " I am now in a fery pad box. I moost shleep alfresco dere is no dodgin De vact und here I moost make my lodgin So he seeket apout, und soon dere vas seen Vot seemet to pe a liddle Ruin Of some oldt Tempel, A goot Exempel Of py-gone forgotted, heidenisch Races Dot worshipt in solitudinous blaces, Dough really no man Couldt say if dwas Roman, 137 Hans Breitmann in Or if, as some offshoot from de Tuscan, Id hadn t peen bildt py de early Etruscan Vherein to bractise deir pagan iniquity. Boot Hans nefer dinked apout dings of antiquity : He only dinked as a night-sojourner, Vhere he might find in de ruin a gorner To shpread his blanket Und afterwarts " spank it," Py broke of tay from where he d peen restin , Vitch was not to him in de least interestin . Denn he pulled out a bread mit a biece of Wurst Und a flask of Riesling to conquer his Durst, Vitch twas difficult work At foorst to un-cork, So it corned to bass dot some trops of der Wein Py de merestest accident fell on a Stein, Und vot vas der Student s awe mit dread, Ven he heard a Voice dot solemly said : " Is t an offering from dee, Stranger vitch dou pringest me ? Tausend yars have bassed away, Since I here neglected lay, All forgotten und alone, Here peneat dis altar-shtone, Und vot is de fery worst, Mit neer a trop to squinch my Durst ; Und du bist der Erst^ allein, Who has efer gived me Wein ; 138 Germany TyroA Boot if dou would st gaze on me, Lift dis shtone und you will see Somedings dot will you soorprize, Right pefore your fery eyes." Johannes was druly not wantin in boldness, Boot dis dings shivert him foorst mit coldness, Yed shakin it off to himself he say, " I will see dis troo, let dere come vot may ! " Und so mit a heave und denn mit a groan, He finally liftet dot altar-shtone. For twas derriply hard inteed to raise it, Und ven twas done he was sore amazet ! For the sight he peheld was py no means a common on, Boot a fery unusuallest phenomenon, For all in a cup of porphyry red, Dere lay pefore him a human head ! Von instant he gazed in silence unproken, Denn dinkin on vot de Voice had shpoken, Mit fery gommendaple presence of mine, He poured in de mout of de het some wine ; Ven ; t smocked its lipps as vas perfegdly blain Exglaimin mit tignity, " Do it again ! " Und der het took it in, dough it hadn t a t rottle, Oontil it exoctly half finish t de pottle, Denn greatly refreshet venn dis vas done Open t its talker und dus pegun : 139 I Hans Breitmann in " Ere de fery earliest hisdory dime, Ven die Werlt und soosh dings were in deir prime, I was priest und a leader in dis Ian , Und gen rally reckoned an hon raple Mann ; Liddle py liddle I rosed in learnin , Liddle py liddle great dings discernin , Liddle py liddle to higher station, Dill at last I had a refelation Dat when I a tausent goot deets had done, My worldly career its corse would hafe run, Und free from mortal droples und strife I shouldt rise to de higher and heafenly life. " Yet dere was a magus who hated me Mit de spite of a Teufel, right pitterly, Who had me slain ere mine course vas run, Und only de half of my dask vas tone ; Vitch, as sure ash de Sonn opon mordals shines, Vas lignea dura fery hardt lines ! Yet a Higher Power corned und said : Dot I shouldt not die, aldough I vas deadt, For mein het, dot my murd rer had off ge-cut, Shouldt into dis fery shrine pe put, Und py goot atfice to beoples in needs, Shouldt work oud de rest of my excellend deeds. " Und so it went as dis Power ordain t, Dill only von hundert to do remain t. Ven lo ! dis enemy of mine Set de Romans on to our shrine, 140 Germany Tyrol. Vitch dose who were drue to our fait und me, Closed oop and ruined as here you see, Flyin away in sorrow mit tears, Und left me von hundert still in arrears. So now all hope is goned afay, Und I most lie here till de Yungest Tay : Dot is to say, dill a tay of Doom, Mit my soul a livin in dis Tomb. Nun, gut. You hafe gived me an instand s bleasure, Und I dells you somedings dere is a Treasure A lyin peneat dis fery shtone, Und I gife it unto you, all for your own ; You gave me vvein for vitch I did yearn, So now I ll do somedings for you in turn." Now dis our Johannes omnibus By all was called bonus sotius Or a right goot veller, und generous Mann, Vot Deutschers term ein ivackrer Kumpan, Und in von ding he laid all de rest on de shelf, Py dinkin of oders pefore himself, Vitch of all dings in all humanity, Amounts to de doppermost Christianity : So de instand de A^//dese worts hat spottet, He holler mit yoy " DonnerwetterVvt got it ! You may pet your het on a rapid escape, Und dot I will get you out of dis scrape, Und in twendy-four hours mitout denyin Your soul will oop into Heafen go vlying : Like a kite or a pird mit vings, 141 Hans Ereitmann in Und dis is de way to manage de dings : Dot treasure vot you hafe given to me, In a hundert parts shall divitet pe, Und afery share mitout any bodder, I ll gife to some poor devil or odder, Und as sure ash in rifers you ll find some reeds, Dot ll shoost make oop your hundert goot teeds, Denn like an arrow you ll scoot afay, Isn t it yolly ! Hip hoo hooray ! " A shmile sdole ofer de face sedate Of de het dot lay in de porph ry blate, Unt dus to Johannes it did say : " Dou art formed I ween of de finest clay Dot men are made of." To put it " quick," It meant to say that Hans vas a brick, Und ve most admit, regardin dis yout Dot der Head vasn t fery far off from de trut . But it only remarkt : u Pray dake de treasure, Und go und pestow it avay at your bleasure, As dou hast saidt, among de boor, Und denn, return to dis blace vonce more." Hans liftet der shtone as he d peen told, Und foundt von hundert bieces of gold, Und to cut it short, der fery next tay, Vent trav lin apout on de sharity lay, Und founded de trut of de sayin dot givin Is forty dimes petterer foon dan receive 5 n. 142 Germany Tyrol. Dere s noding so schweet vile on eart we live Dot is to say when we ve got it to give Got it to give imd dink we can spare it Dere is de point on which turns de merit Of cuttin out slices you might call dem frustrumers Nun Hans knew de roadts und hat plenty of cus tomers, Und vit in a tay all de cash hat gone vlyin So happy und gay he return d to de shrine. De curtain of tarkness had gaddered o er De Bett of Night ash he com d to de toor, When lo ! pefore his stonish t sight Dere stoot a wondrous Vision of light : Vitch seemet oonto his shtartled mind De fairy-est sort of de angel kind, Or else,/^r contra, to poot id square, he Might call it de most angelic-al fairy ; Anyhow doun on his knees he fell, Und said " Now I see id has all gone well ! " " Yea," say de Vision, " Danks to dee. All has inteed gone well mit me ; For de insdant de last of dem coins was spent, Up to de sky in dis form I went, Und now I redurn boot for vonce, mine Sohn, To dank dee for all of de goot dou hast tone." " Gratias tibi" quot Hans, " Dough you ve saidt it, I really ton t dink I teserfe any credit 143 Hans Ereitmann in Germany Tyrol. For roonin apout und cuttin a dash, Und doin 5 of goot oopon oder folk s cash ; Most beople wouldt find it exdremely funny Helpin de boor if you d find dem de money : Now if de money hat peen mine own, I d have shpent it all oopon you alone, I shvears I vouldt done it yoost de same Und denn I d have hat som sort of a claim ; Boot as id is, I only, sure, Hafe had a goot dime relievin de boor ! " Ue Spirit smilin replied, " I see, Boot \idot is dy idea of a spree, Vitch might de hardest Temperance soften, It s a bity you cannot go on em more often. If dis is de vay you always act, I dells you Johannes und it is a fact If on soosh dissipation you ofden go it, You ll get to Heafen before you know it ; Toornet to an Angel, und dot is drue, Dot is vot happens to rowdies like you: Nun gut, mein Sohn peneat yon shtone, Lies a pigger Schatz dan de previous von. Take it und puy dee a county and castle, Dere is de specie go do up de parcel." Johannes follet de angel s word, Und grew d to pe an opulent Lord. Dis Story teaches itself its lesson, So needs no moral. Denn dake my plessin ! 144 ^ CHAPTER VIII. OX TYROLESE FIG-COFFEE UND DE SOCIOLOGICAL DEDUCTIONS FROM IT. MIT A BALLADE APOUT DIS DING OF CHEMICAL METAGENESES UND MYSDERIOS METASTASES. " Dass einst die Chemie im Bunde mit den anderen Naturwissenschaften alle moglichen Nahrungsmit- tel kunstlich herstellen vverde." WERNER VON SIEMENS. Go vhere you may in a Tiroler toun und esbecially in Innsbruck you will berceife shdealin over de air a Schmcll vitch, in dime, unto you so Tyrolean pecomes dot yoost ash Bic.r und ratishes do Munich recal or violets Florence so dis odour or anydnig like it pring to mind a handbill vitch eferywhere to be seen is mit a bicture of a ferocious Gamsjdgcr or 145 K Hans Ereitmann in chamois hunter, und die Worts, Accht Tyroler Feigen-Kajfe, or " Genuine Tyrolese Fig-Coffee." De aroma in question vitch is somedings like de bouquet de brown sugar burning mit toast- from de Fabrik or factories proceeds vhere dis Aid to de Afflicted in Purse is made. In tashte it is, as der Americaner said, "Not excisely nice nor prezactly nasty" und he who it has hat de misfordune to trink, will (if he knows dem), find it not so nasty, nor poisonous to de liver nor injurious to de nerves as chicory in fact no petter nor vorse dan de cafe dot is made of acorns, or rye or wheat, or sweet-potatoes or ground nuts or peas, or peans or burnt maize grits or most of such peverages as pecame familiar unto our soldiers as well as to de First Families of de Sout ? during de American Civil War. To my own balate de Chicory-cafe as dispenset at all de first-class hotels in Germany peginnin wit the fery first in Cologne is py far de most unpleasantest in daste, as it is for healt de worst as is seen py too many sallow shildren and girls who are specially poisoned mit it. 146 Germany Tyro/. De fig-caffe is howefer mate indo a paste witch into imitation coffee seeds or peans 1 is fabricated witch looks brecisely like real caffe a process witch is quite iiberfliissig, as Picks do not look like any soosh dings oonless de object pe to sooply schwindlin small grocers mit somedings to bass off for real cafe which dey indeed do all ofer Europe on de poor danks to Tyroler enderprize und infentiveness ! Of all which crate enterprizers und infentors whedder dey pe known ash Promoters, Speculators, Syndi- cators, Floaters, Trusters, Stock-Investors for de Ignorant, Money Lenders mit no Fees Required, Sand und Sugar Mixers or Coffee-bean imitators I can only reecho de prief yudgement of Herr Breitmann " Tamil de whole lot /" Vhen he saidt dis memoraple ding, it was in 1 Cafe Beans Bohnen. Der Herr George Augustus Sala in dot inderestin Buch of his : " Dings I hafe seened und Beoples I hafe knowed," fery broperly remarks dot " That which is erroneously known as a bean is in reality the seed oi a berry" (vol. ii. p. 59). Und he is quite right. But der is also an error in callin cherry und peach-seeds shtones, und I am not morally sure apout orange-pips. 147 Hans Ereitmann in a cafe where man had really servet him mit goot Mocha und id vas his amazement und telight at findin such a ding in a land where German gespoken was, dot led to dese casual remarks on Fig-Coffee. Py him sat der Herr Schwefel- brenner, a tistinguished Chemicus und he, after a bause opservet : u Dot is all fery drue Shickory is a poison und Fick Cafe is nashty, boot dou shouldst remetnper dot dere moost a peginnin pe to all dings und py and py, die Chemie de fery aroma und perfection of coffee will gife, very sheap. Meandimes " " Ja," remark der Student, " but it is dot ad interim vitch is doin more harm dan all your infentions are wort. I asked a Kettner in a crate hotel vy dey poot shickory indo de cafe. Vot ! he esglaim, * Don t you like it ? All our guesds like a liddle, yoost to improfe de flavour. Most beoples prefer it, Sir. I ashk a cook in dis town pout nek cafe. Veil, he say, - We poot yoost a liddle in to gife a fine colour und pody to de cafe beoples like to see dot. Now dis is all simbly mean schwindlin. If a man 148 Germany T yrol. pays you goot money in full, and ashks for butter or cafe you hafe no right to sell him Oleomarga rine or fick-paste, no matter how goot it is. If you do, you are a low scamp a Hallunke und noding else. Und dot wort, yoost a Uddle to improve it, always cofers a lie it mean fifty per cent. Now we are alfays hearin gom- plaints of de exclusifeness of Society, and how beople is look t doun oopon pecause of deir callin s. Nun, gut vhen de retailin class in all de valks of life shtop sellin ficksund shickory for cafe und lyin apout it denn de greatest parrier to equality will pe remofed argue de point ash man will. Goot Society howefer padly it suc ceeds means Honour und Dignity or it tries to." " Truly I admit all dot," rebly der Brofessor, " but I dink you should not gonfound de mere rascals who perfert Chcmie, mit men of Science. Vot I say is, dot ere long Science will gife to Alan wholesom und acreeaple food, ad libitum, fery sheap, so dot an immense amount of sufferin moost pecome reliefed. Dus we can alreaty make Oleomargarine, vitch is truly bona-fide butter 149 Hans Breitmann in und only has a pad name, pecause a crate deal berhaps most of it is made py rascals who manufacture it from vile trash sheaply. Und aprobos of dis, Meine Herren it is fery curios dot der vas, efen in de most anciendt dimes, an Idee dot Butter couldt esbecially by Witches pe maked out of gommon, sogar nashty dings. Dus in a Buck, named Der Glilckstopf py Johannes Praetorious of 1669, I foundt dis say in Kiihedreck und Butter Kombt von einer Mutter. Und chemically dot is someding like true. Und die Perfumers hafe peen accuset mit some inyustis of usin dis inderesdin soopstance (vitch is inteed holy and sacred in India), to make sehweet fragrances mit und no ashtonishing- ness do I derein find vhen I dinks dot Man gets tree telicious aromas from coal alone mit a bouquet dat schmell so goot ash nefer vas 3/0 und if you will rememper dot in 1851 dere was exhibit at de World s Fair in London four pottles of goot shpirits made from der shmoke of a factory shimney, you may add to dese de J50 Germany Tyrol. otto of whiskey dot der Englander Thackeray mention. Ach du Liebcr Gott ! "-he added mit enthusiasm-" Vhen I dinks of de Hydro-carbons denn I veel mine soul schwim in holy fisions of de future, und my religiose Gefuhl exbress itself in my " CREDO." " Dis is de true und only Creed In vitch I do pelieve indeed ; All dings, as de Chemie dells, Can pe made of Someding Else. As Lime is made of Oyster Shells, Und bottles oft are turned to bells Und shtinkin clings to lofely shmells, So from bitumen, at command, We kit de shweet pate d amandc, Also anoder vitch dey say Is somedings like de Ess Bouquet. Und out of Coal as may pe seen Wax cantles dot is paroffine, An oil dere mit vitch pring de dollars Und many kinds of lofely colours ; I cannot dell oopon my soul Vot dis you cannot make from coal. Und also Bread as com it must From wood ven sawed dot is de dust, So dot in efery trunk ve ll see In dime to com a bread-fruit dree. s Hans Ereitmann in From wood we mak too dot is queer Ash I hafe seen, de best Papier, Und cider oft abbears again Upon our daple as champagne ; Und so twill pe ven we are gone Dis shange of soobject vill go on, Und tifferent kinds of tifferent dings From tifferent sorts of objects shbrings, Oontil Ja dot is enough of dot de soopyect of Transformations is capabel of moosh commen tation." " Das ist wahr," reblied der Student. " Und I know a fery curiose ballade of an oldt shtory dot illusdratet it foorst rate." Und mitout vaitin to pe asket, opservin a shmile in de affirmative in all de circum- surrounding countenances, he dock oop de guitar, und mit an arpeggio began as follows : DER ALTE TAPPEINER. Vherefer in dis worldt we go, Dere s farious fancies as we know. Soom dake a pride in wicketness, Soom trow demselfs afay on tress, 152 Germany Tyrol. Ja, grovved-oop men oft show deir follies In tressing oop deir liddle Dollies Py vitch we blainly see oh friendt Dot all are shildren in de Endt. But of all trash, To say de least, Is to sbend all your cash On your weddin feast ; To trow avery cent on your friendts avay, Und hafe nodding to eat on de vollerin tay Vitch still to de present, Fool many a peasant In de Tirol continues to do, Und vile a shtarvin he ll say to you : "You dink I am boor, and it truly may pe, Boot nopody hat a weddin 1 like me ; Und it shtill is de talk of all in de shpot, I shpent all I hat in de vorlt, py Gott ! Dere s noding like goin it ven you try, Und I wasn t wed in a gorner not I." So de Irish peasants in Donegal Shpend all a man leaves on his funeral ; Und to make for a day a show observe On de next dey leave his shildren to starve So in de Tyrol, I peliefe on my soul, If a girl must choose ; not harm de room ; She d prefer de wedding unto de groom : For you can find fellers as pees find honey, 153 Hans Breitmann in In avery field, ven de vedder is sunny, But to hafe a swell weddin costs lashins of money, De whole of it meanin as veil we know De mainspring of vulgar minds is Show ! Videlicet monstrari digit o, To pe dalked apotit no matter py whom, To pe pointed at in avery room, To pe stared at in any company, No matter how low de starers may pe. Und oh vot ropturous etereal vapour Dey breat e at seein deir names in de paper ! E en if dey sended dem in demself, No matter dey re dere on de public shelf ! Mit dieves und American millionaires, Bolice reports und all fancy wares, Und similar trash with noding in t, No matter deir names are dere, inprint! Nun, in Tyrol dere is a blace Of vitch a proferb say mit grace, Dot " Pinet, Lcchtl und Jappein Sein die drei schonsten Hof, die im Landl sein" Or dot " Pinet, Lechtl, Tappein at command Are de tree finest blaces in all de Land." Tappein of dem is de best position, Und in it vonce lifed an olt Magician Who could do all kind of wunderfoll dings Whose memorie shtill troo de country rings : Item. He couldt toorn dust into salt, Item. De vorst of dirt into malt, 154 Germany Tyrol. Item. Screws into goot horses to suit ye Item an ugly girl to a peauty ; Item. Afder a short diagnosis He d work any kind of a metamorphosis Ash Italian artists by avocation Toorn any old Daub to a Transfiguration, Und a Pintorello to what dey sell For a shplendid, undoubted Raphael. Nun, gut in dese dings der old scamp was a shiner Und beople call d him Der alte Tappeincr. Near py, dere lifed a lofely maiden, Who mit sorrow was oberladen ; A girl who was proud as she was poor ; No fery uncommon ding to pe sure ; Und de gause of her drople was dis, d ye see, Dot she ere long ge-married moost pe To a man whom she lofed. Tvvas curios, Yet nod afder all soosh a sinkular case. Und de gause of her crief may all pe said in Few worts dat she couldn t afford a fine weddin Mit a regular swell und elegant feast, Vhere efery man could get trunk ash a peast, On wine of the pest de whole py night To endt in a Rauferci, or fight Mit Stossrings, vists und leeks of chairs ; Denn twould pe heardt und averywheres " Tvas de vinest Weddin dot efer I saw, Mit all dot we wanted und more gelt ja /" 155 Hans Breitmann in Ntmvon night as she sat Like a woe-begone cat Full of de dismals, horrors und doomps, Vorse dan a plue teufel down mit de moomps Or a Pessimist in de Slough of Despond, Or any soosh sorryfool vacapond, Lookin altogeder as if she were mighty Far gone in low spirits und tcsdiuni vita?, In a wild strange blace py de light of de moon Vhere a torrent roared in a monotune Py a dark cafern openin dere, Dot von might have schwored was de Cave of Tespair, Ash she heafed a sigh in de mournfollest mood, Der alte Tappeiner pefore her shtood. Mit movin force "Mein shild " saidt he, " I know de cause of dy misery, Und if I moost druly the truth confess Dou has fery goot reason for wretchedness : For de beoples is all peginnin to say, Dot if you e er com to a weddin tay, Id will pe de meanest upon my soul ! Dot efer was seen in der Land Tirol, De shappiest und most poferdy-strucken, De cheapest und mostest Gott-forsucken, Und dot in all dime forefer on Id will pe ash De Peggar s Weddin known. Und all at your name will laugh und hiss, fa nodin couldt pe so tiscraceful as dis ; 156 German y Tyroi . Und id vills my soul mit sympatie, For dis I am coomed to weep mit dee ! " Now vhen he hat said Dese Worts, de Maid Her name was Pauline hat a crate sensation Of rage mit horror und admiration, All in a serial concatenation, Rage at de Comperendination, Dot is "delay" of de nuptialization, Horror at de recapitulation Of all dot caused her desperation, Mingled mit fery crate opprobation Of de fery exact exemplification Of all dot caused her humiliation ; Aldough it hurt worse dan scarification, Or tearin de flesh py excarnification Nun, gut she was prought to a peaudiful shtate, Ash der wizard wanted of shame und hate, Und to raise de wind for her marriage-revel, Reaty to go mit herself to de tevil. Und denn mit a foice dot was kind und sad : He saidt, " It may pe dot dings are not so pad ; From all kints of drople dere s some esgape, Und alvays a way out of avery scrape ; Und if you had only courage and spirit De fence a nt so high but vot you may clear it ; But dot is de quesdion hafe you de courage?" Now dis Pauline for a maiden of 157 Hans Ereitmann in As all dot knowed her did soon atmit, Was fery well off for sand und grit, Vitch mak s friendts und foes since remarkaply odd it is We admire vhile we fear dese sterling commodities, So mit a grim shmile she answered " You Hat petter dell me vot I moost do : Tuneoop your fiddle, und oben de Rail, I dinks I can tanz if courage is ail." Der alte Tappeiner regart de maid Mit admiradion und denn he said : " Dis worlt ist all gomposet of lies, In farious colours of avery size, Lies apout men, Und lies apout women ; Und Lies acain Apout Averyding human, Lies apout Poferty, lies apout Riches, Lies apout womens a vearin de preeches, Lies apout avery Somepody vitch is Petter ash oders especially Witches, Who are really, of all, de fery pest, Und py far de most misrepresentedest ; For dough tis not generally oondershtood Dey basses deir dime in doin good." (Sotto voce, " good to demselfs.") " Und ash for de shtories of Teufels und Elfs Dey are mosdly inshpir d py noding but malice, Und all moost pe daken cum grano salts. 158 " Germany T yroL Und in our eyes dere so moosh dust is Regardin all dis, dot to do dem yoostis, Shpeakin of dem de actual verity, Dey are oonly a kind of Sisders of Sharity, Mit penevolent aims of vitch de result is Dey lofe to help beople in tifficulties, Und most of all to assisdt a maiden Who vants a stylish und handsome veddin ; Deir brinciples dake em for all in all, Are de Communistic Ideal, Omnium-gatherum Liberal, Mixtum-compositum Social, Nefer a-droplin 1 demselfs mit diforces, Flyin apout on prooms for horses, Leadin soosh peaudiful practical lives Dey ve no dime to dink apout hoospans or wifes ; Sailin so fast dey forget de cargo, Moosh ash de beople life in Chicago : Vitch of all blaces peneat de sun Is a Witches Nest if dere efer vas von. Now if you vish to hoppy pe, You hat petter yoin de Society, Und denn my tear you will hafe, I ween, Soosh a woonderful Weddin ash ne r er was seen." Paulina lisden t to afery wort, Und schwallow it doun but de half she heardt Was enof to convert her ash von may say- She met der Tappeiner more dan half way ; -59 Hans Ereitmann in So dey make t a trade, und de fery first ding He promist to make her a gay wed-ding, Mit soosh a drementous und shplendid feast Ash nefer vas seen from West to East Or from Nort to Soui or from Pole to Pole Or anywhere else in ganz Tirol. Den at de last Dere came de weddin , Ven dime was past Und the guests were bidden ; Fiinf hundert beople none left pehind Hungry ash wolfs dot s peen livin on wind ; For devourin and scowrin all of von mind, Soosh as at rural tinners you find. Und twas berfectly blain ven you look at der taple Der wizard had done vot art was aple, Knowin fery well vot fisch und flesh meant In afery form for human refreshment, Und noding dot could e er be missed Py de sarco-ichthyophagist. Everyding for nutriment, Dot Natur in Tyrol has sent, Dainties, victuals ediple In quantity incrediple ; Meat mit prog comestible, Und afery dings digestible, First de hors doeuvres dot coom from France Mit many apiece dc resistance, 1 60 Germany Tyrol. Peaches in preserve mit quinces, Fricasses, ragouts und minces, Broth und Supp^ spoon-meat, pasty, Caviar vot some dinks nasty Puddins, bies mit omelette, Anchovies de taste to whet, Lofely custards at your winkin , Butterbrod mit beef und Schinken ; Averyding in de way of Victuals, Toornin spits und shteamin kittles Oxens roasted whole mit Schwein Und donnerwetter ! ach der Wein ! Parrels of Wein, und Wein in pottles, Wein from der Rhein for dusty t rottles, Flasks vot look like long processions Of holy monks a-gifin blessin s ! For dey seem like priests dot are long robes dres t in, Und dese to der crowd were most interestin ! Nun dey coom to der feast, boot yoost ash de Lady, Or Bride, was a goin to say, " Tis ready !" She grew pale mit awe At Somedings she saw, Among dose who were ready to pegin, Und dat was a reverend Capuchin. Ja ivohl, she was faint At de sight of dot saint, Und she couldn t move an arm or a leg oh ! Vhen he say, " Tibi Deo, gratias ago ! " 1 Hans Ereitmann in Gott vot a sight Of awe and affright Vas peheld py all de derrified crowd Ash dey ootered a shkreem remarkably loud ! Und dey all ash Deutschers say were Spanished Vhen right pefore dem de whole feast vanish t. Dey shtare und dey look ; Ja it all was a Spuk ! Glamour und humpug und idle Shine, Twas out mit de Vittles und out mit der Wein, Out mit de hope of a gay carouse, Und a regular case of Nix konnrf hcraus. Down in der room In a swoon fell de Groom, Vhile Paulina went whirrin away on her broom ! Now vhen dey com to examine de Feast, Twas a nasty show for to say de least, Und man wouldt hafe said dot sight to see, Id was yoost de stoff vitch moderne Chcmic Mit de aid of retorts, und acids und kittles, Vould toorn, if it could, into peaudifool vittles. 1 Das kommt mir Spanisch vor. "So wird von einer Sache gesagt die befremdct, nnangenehm, wohl anch komisch wirkt. Dat looks Spanish to me is said of any ding dot is strange dis- acreeable und queer." So say der Borchhardt in his Buch on German Proferbs. Der Goethe xise dis exbression in his Egmont (III. 2). " Ich versprach dir, einmal Spanisch zu kommen." 162 Germany Tyrol. Und fery poor food to marry on, For de meat vas all horriple carrion Or Aas dot is, of ass und horse, Vitch is rader poor food for a regular course, Dough the Paris Hippophage Society Dink it is nice py way of variety ; De apples too were only fates, Dat is of de fery peculiar species, Dat oncet remark t, " Pehold how we shwim," Und nefer fell from no opple-drees lim ; Vhile as for de drink Ach ! dere I must shrink From gifin a gloser tetailed analysis, It wasn t de sort dot you meets mit in palaces ; For dough it was druly an Ur-Rhein Wein, Or ancient, I cannot tescripe it asfeiu, No more mine page mit soosh dings to muddle : Twas vintage out of some fery old puddle ; All had peen made in der Teufel s kitchen ; To rival vitch is der Chemist s ambition ; De cookin of vitch in Macbeth we read Nun, gut Gluck sit ! Led oos hope he ll succeed ! " Dot Ballade," remark der Herr Breitmann, " hat cine gcniale Anwcndung a glefer oppli- cation to vot earlier remarket has peen on technical Chemistry. Therefore I dank dis yung shendleman for it." 163 * Hans Breitmann in " Was ties TeufcVs Kiiche bctrifft concerning der Teufel s Kitchen," say der Student, who appeared to pe a fciner Herr " in der mittel age vhen Witches mit der Teufel carried on deir infame liddle games of sorcery, dot was called der Teufel s, or die Witches Kitchen, vhence come der proverb /;/ des TcufcVs Kiiche kommcn, to get into der defil s kitchen, dot mean to get into drople. Somedimes it was ge-called de Black Kitchen, und der Goethe uses it in dot sense, vhere der Faust say : " Mem Father vas a toubtful honest man Who in de gompany of de Adepti, In der Black Kitchen shoot himselfs away, Und afder recipes innumeraple Poured indo von vot is most gontrary. " r u Nun gut" say der Breitmann, "may we all pe proud of it und trink ! Vivat Scqucnz ! " " Sequenz" remark der Herr Doctor who hat 1 Faust I. 686. Dis is from der Herr Breitmann his dransla- tion of Faust dot will pooplisht pe ven von hundert tausend Abonnenten or supscripers deir names to der Herr T. Fischer Unwin, in-senden will, mit an autograps of de author on der vlyleaf. 164 Germany Tyrol. yoost come in, " ist to remark dot I drust dot our friendt der Herr Breitmann will recordt soom of his Imbrcssinns tc Foyagc in der Tyrol in a Buch." "Kami sein" moormur der Breitmann, " Boot venn a veller hat soosh Idees he petter keep his silcntium, for ash de sayin is, " Wer reisen will Der schweige still ! Or- " Der drafeller s law Is Holt your jaw! " reblied der Brofessor, " It coom indo mine het dot vonce on a dimes der shendleman whose name we know from its pein associated on de ditle-pages mit dot of our friendt Breitmann, broposet when he was goin to shbend some mont s in Amerika to wride some letters to a London Renew. Oopon vitch der Editor re mark dot dose Letters would read a goot deal like 4 Dravels amoong de Cannibals py von of deir Shiefs. x Und dot is vot id seems to me 1 Dis moost pe, ohne Zweifel, der Herr sit verbo I cnia ! regartin whom I would remark dot if any of de readers hafe any bleasure found in de Legends 165 Hans Breitmann in dot der Herr Breitmann is among dese Tyrolers almost too moosh of der same colour to pe distinguished Howefer as a broof of de eatin is in de poodin, we shall know more pout dot vhen we com to see his Bttch." " Das hangt davrm <?/;," reply der Breitmann, " Dot depends not on de soopyect more dan on das Gcmiith or de humour, or feelin , or sympatie of der autor s mind. Die wunderschone Frau, Madame Linda Villari whose Englisch is ash sweet und lovely as her face bemerks mit artist s percepdion in her Italian Sketches how fresh und vigorous und shtrong de Tyrolese moundain-land seem compared mit dot of Italy. Nuu vhere a man has a land like dot to deal mit, der pestest ding he can do is to yoost set town vot he sees, afder his own Gcmiith mitout takin or makin hard work, vitch is not vot a crate manys do. Let das Land yoost mirror itself in your mind " und Shtories in dis Such, dey will not less interested pe in his Work on de Legends of Florence as told py de People (now in bress py D. NUTT, 270, Strand, London). 166 Germany T yrol. "Ja " add der Student mit a smile, " but let dt frame of de mirror pe all your own design, so moosh as bossiple. Trink aus ! und luck to you ! " Praecor omnia laeta vobis omnibus, Deus bene fortunet vestrum convivium ! " (I pray you all may yolly pe ! Gott pless de daple und companie !) SCHLUSSWORT. Go fort mein Biichlein out of hand ! Twill com to pass I ween, A copie 11 go into som Land Vhere I hafe nefer peen ; Und vhen I dink oopon dot case, Id seem so strange to me ; My t oughts can go indo a blace Vhere I can nefer pe ! Dot is der Writer s sveetest Tream, Vitch he can ne er forget, Dot he may cast von sunny gleam On those he ne er has met ; Und he who s luck to work dis spell, Dis sweetest Sorcerie Has shown dot he has mastered well, Life s wunderbar st Magie. Hans Ereitmann in Germany Tyrol. Farewell mem Buck adje mein Friendt ! We two may nefer meet, We fe come togeder to cle Endt Un yed, tid nefer meet ! Dot seems an contradict ry sense, I hope dot it vill pe De only point of tifference Vat coom twix you and me. u I, Liber ac orbi docto te publicus infer ! " UNWIN BROTHERS, THE GRESHAM PRESS, CHILWORTH AND LONDON. 168 UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LIBRAR BERKELEY Return to desk from which borrowed. This book is DUE on the last date stamped belo LD 21-95m-ll, 50(2877sl6)476 M31 0401 I* .- > : " ;& . * .- - " .- * ^ " * ^ *!> *K P "" ; " ; "* S * * * tL . * - ** * 7* ^"/^MM"* " ^^isEi^s^i^^iM^KI ISr