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THE LIBRARY 
 
 OF 
 
 THE UNIVERSITY 
 OF CALIFORNIA 
 
 PRESENTED BY 
 
 PROF. CHARLES A. KOFOID AND 
 MRS. PRUDENCE W. KOFOID 
 
\ 
 
>Tla/Yl/aJ- 
 
 IN MEMORY OF MANY A KIND WORD 
 FITLY SPOKEN, THIS WORK IS GRATE 
 FULLY DEDICATED BY THE AUTHOR 
 TO 
 
 GEORGE A. SALA. 
 
Dus shpoke der Meister Trongemond, 
 Who two und sefenty Lands had knowned 
 " Fremde Sitten,freindes Land 
 Macht dich mit Dir selbst bekannt ; " 
 ** Foreign Life und Lands I trow, 
 Make a Man himself to know, 
 But at Home, ash on a Shelf, 
 You ll nefer learn to know Yourself." 
 
Troo de forests, troo de valleys, 
 Like a leaf py preezes hurled, 
 From de palace to de galleys, 
 Ve pehold a various worldt. 
 Id is bleasant ven we wander, 
 Troo such shiften scenes, indeed, 
 Und likevise ven we can ponder, 
 Ofer vot in pooks we read : 
 For you meet mit many sages, 
 See fool many tafern-signs, 
 Dravellin ofer brinted pages, 
 On de pat way of de lines. 
 Tis not always yoost py shpeedin 
 Troo a land dot we crow wise ; 
 Many a man has learnt py readin 5 
 More dan vot he saw mit eyes : 
 Men who troo de vorldt hafe scudded, 
 Of exberience make a poast, 
 Boot we find dot dose who ve studied, 
 Is de vons vot see de most ; 
 He dot s learned in Art und History, 
 3 
 
 M31.0401 
 
He vot dinks while yet at home 
 Is de Mann dot find no mysdery 
 In de Lander vhere he roam ; 
 He vot s learnet to sing de pallads 
 Efen from pooks vote er pefal 
 Talk de language mix de salads, 
 Dakes de shine out of dem all ! 
 Dus de buzzle is onravelled, 
 Dough id may seem sdrange to some, 
 Dat de men who moost hafe trafelled, 
 Ofden nefer left deir home ; 
 Reading vakens expecdadion ; 
 Expecdadion preeds tesire ; 
 Ach ! ivie schon die gonsummation 
 Ven we kit vot we require ! 
 Derefore BREITMANN, who, like Lysses, 
 Hafe seen men und cities too, 
 Known Life s heighds mit ids apysses, 
 Scribed dis liddle pook fer you, 
 Hopin dot his Drafel-Bictures, 
 Dough not plessed mit too moosh learnin , 
 Und too liaple to strigtures, 
 Shdill may vake in you de yearnin 
 To pehold de tifferent beoples, 
 Lands mit castles, downs mit towers ; 
 Dom-catedrals mit deir shdeebles ; 
 Kinder Mddchen Gartens viewers 
 Und die A I men on de Alpen 
 In de Sonnc like Smaragd, 
 4 
 
Und de roads mit Reiters gall pen 
 
 On deir horses to d&Jagd) 
 
 Und de dorrents doun de rockses, 
 
 In der schone land Tyrol ; 
 
 Und die Senrfrin tendin flockses 
 
 In her schwarze KamisoL 
 
 Und de Kneips of de Student en, 
 
 Vhere you paws to squinch your durst 
 
 Garkiiche mit Hiihnchen Enten 
 
 Sauer-kraut und Leber- Wurst, 
 
 Dices rattlin vellers jokin 
 
 Mit de beer-maids schmuck and tall ; 
 
 Glasses foamin Burschen shmokin, 
 
 Wreaths a hangin on de wall, 
 
 Ack die bunten schonen Bilder, 
 
 Dot pefore mein fision bass ! 
 
 Vot enrapdure und pewilder, 
 
 Yoost like bictures in a glass, 
 
 Dot coom peepin sdrangely at you, 
 
 Shdartlin at you ven you least expec ; 
 
 Like de Muttergottes sdatue 
 
 From deir Nische on de Eck\ 
 
 Oh dot all my Memory musters, 
 
 Yoost might bass indo my ben, 
 
 Und like grapes in shinin clusters 
 
 Send goot wein to you again ! 
 
 For de pizness of de writer 
 
 1st not merely to repeat, 
 
 Boot to make his sgetch, dough lighter, 
 
 5 
 
 3 
 
Mit a sbirit shdill more sweet : 
 
 Nun! der Breitmann may hafe missed it : 
 
 Dough he roamed from Ost to West, 
 
 Boot howefer fate may twist it, 
 
 Shdill he did his lefel best : 
 
 Tid his pest in hopeful shpirit ; 
 
 Dot s mit hope to bleasure yoti : 
 
 Vorkin hardt some braise to merid 
 
 More dan dot no man can do. 
 
 6 
 
CONTENTS. 
 
 PAGE 
 PRELIMINARY NOTICE . .II 
 
 CHAP. 
 
 i. ON SHILDREN S PLAYS, MIT DER BALLADE OF 
 
 HIES L DER PAD LIDDLE POY . . 2$ 
 
 II. ON DE GIGANTIC VIRDUE OF GERMAN PATIENCE, 
 MIT DE HISTORIE OF GERMAN GIANTS IN 
 TIROL . . 35 
 
 III. ON DE HAPIT OF SHTARIN AT STRANGERS 
 
 DENN ON TREATIN PEOPLE AS FOOLS 
 UNO ITS CRATE DANGER. DE BALLADE 
 OF NARR-HANS L . . . . 5 1 
 
 IV. WHY DE GERMAN TOURISTS DO TELESCOPES 
 
 CARRY. DE YANKEE GALS MIT A SPY 
 GLASS UND VOT DEY SAW ! DE BALLAD 
 OF KATRINA BAUER WHO DE PROFESSOR 
 
 KILLED . . . . -65 
 
 V. OF DE TOUN OF HALL, WITCH IS ALL PE-SALTED. 
 HOW DER BRE1TMANN THIRSDY GOT, UND 
 MADE LOFE TO DE PEAUDIFUL BEER 
 GIRL. DE SHTORY OF GEORG L, UND DE 
 WONDERFUL BALLADE OF DER GOAT MIT 
 DER SHPOON . . -75 
 
 7 
 
Contents. 
 
 VI. VY DE ALL-ALONELINESS OF NATUR MIT SPOOKS 
 AND OFER-NATURAL PEIN s GEFILLED IS. 
 DE BALLAD - SHTORIES OF DE KAUNSER- 
 WITCH DE HAZEL -WITCH DIE BELL OF 
 KALTEIN UND DIE WOONDERFULL PEASE 10$ 
 VII. A SHTORY FROM BOTZEN DE DEAD HEAD VOT 
 MAKE DE FORTUNE OF DER STUDENT 
 JOHANNES . . . . ^ 
 
 VIII. ON TYROLESE FIG-COFFEE UND DE SOCIOLOGICAL 
 DEDUCTIONS FROM IT. MIT A BALLADE 
 APOUT DIS DING OF CHEMICAL META- 
 GENESES UND MYSDERIOS METASTASES . 145 
 
TYROL. 
 
DE TYROL. 
 
 EINLEITUNG UND VORSTELLUNG, OR DEK 
 INTRODUCTION. 
 
 As dere is no gettin into an friendtship mitout 
 acquaindance und no way to kit broperly into 
 Acquaintance mitout an Introduction, I dink it 
 would pe fery peautiful to make a liddle von for 
 de Tyrol, yoost here, in de apropopriate blace; 
 or in de Begin ; fer ash de proferb say, Die rechte 
 Zcit und die schlcctc Zcit, mcin Licbcr bcidc 
 gehn vorilbcr : 
 
 Right dimes, or wrong or pad dey say 
 Moost mit der Time all bass afay. 
 
 Now dis vouldt pe de right dime und blace, 
 
 cerdainly, to mendion all de books dot efer was 
 
 scribed on de Tyrol, since dot shows vot a 
 
 donderin lot de learnet author hafe readt, 
 
 ii 
 
Preliminary Notice. 
 
 und so I a pocma pegun, mit de ditles of all de 
 Buchs dot efer were maket on dis sobyect vot 
 in dis wise goed : 
 
 Oh den, oh Muse vot fire de poet s soul, 
 
 Yoost help me mit de Buchs on de Tyrol ! 
 
 Dere s foorst of all in Englisch und in German : 
 
 " Through the Aaltberg"byLudewigvon Hermann 
 
 Und denn Herr Grohmann mit an artisdt s ease, 
 
 Wrote " Die Tyrol-land, and de Tyrolese." 
 
 " De Hol days in Tyrol" py Walter White 
 
 Was also gife de readers moosh telight, 
 
 " Untiotten Beaks und Oonfrequented Valleys " 
 
 Vas von of Melia Edwards prilliant sallies 
 
 (I knew dot laity, und I hafe gonfest 
 
 Dot she vas learned mong de learnedest) ; 
 
 "De Valleys of Tirol," py Miss R. Busk, 
 
 1st like a fairy-legend read at dusk ; 
 
 (Dis writeress too I met von dimes in Rome). 
 
 Amththor s Tirolerfiihrer is a plum, 
 
 De Illustrirter Fiihrer durch de Alps, 
 
 Among de Buchs mit bictures dake de scalps ; 
 
 De " Gossensass," by Noe, is a dreat 
 
 (Roast Goose mit Appel-sass ist alfays shweet). 
 
 Mit Goosensass likewise to pass your time, 
 
 Dere is " Roswitha," named " Von Gandersheim," x 
 
 1 " Roswitha von Gandersheim," 80 pfennig. Uni- 
 versal-Bibliothek, von P. Reclam, Leipzig, 1894. 
 12 
 
Preliminary Notice. 
 
 Pecause vot Natur yoins we should not sunder, 
 
 Sauce for de Goose is also for de Gander ; 
 
 " Auf Etsch und Eisach," by Brachvogel too 
 
 (rac/ivoge\ means a plover, dot is true 
 
 In life, ash at de table, tis de use 
 
 To see de " game " a-followin de goose.) 
 
 Drei Sommer in Tirol, py Ludwig Steub, 
 
 May enderdain you ash you shmokes your pipe. 
 
 Berg, Burg und Thalfarten bet M ran und Bozen, 
 
 Maket men take Alpenstocks und pull deir coats on ! 
 
 Und mit telight to set you all a-cryin , 
 
 Uere s Ignaz Zingerle his Schildereien : 
 
 Also a liddle Buck, py C. H. C. 
 
 On Innsbruck gifen to guests, py Charles Landsee, 
 
 Vot keept de foorst hotel in all de blace : 
 
 A work, dough small, reblete mit sense und grace. 
 
 Good like de nople house from vitch it cooms : 
 
 In dot Tiroler Hof\ hafe mine rooms, 
 
 Und from its name it flashed indo my soul, 
 
 To write dis work oopon das Land Tyrol 
 
 But when he hat cot dus far de aut or is be- 
 
 shamed to say dot he shtop short und proke 
 
 toun oonder de hoomiliadin reflecdion dot 
 
 mit de excepdion of de last-mendionet he hafe not 
 seen de first von of all dese books und really 
 know nodings at all apout dem teufel a pit ! 
 Now I bote veel und know dot efery veteran 
 13 
 
Preliminary Notice. 
 
 of de press (yea, und efen de fery girl-peginners), 
 moost tespise soosh a krankhafte Gcwisscnhaftig- 
 keit, or morpid conscientiousness, in a man 
 vot hafing de whole List of Buchs pefore him, 
 maket any scruple of rottlin on apout dem as 
 if he hat de whole py hearts, Lock und Stock 
 ganz und gar. Nun, gut, dere is no help for id 
 
 id isn t in me. So I givet id oop ! 
 
 Denn a frische Idee let idself in oopon my 
 Mind, ash an old proferb rosed oop like a shtar 
 into de ooter leaden mitnight of my bcdunkelte 
 Seek, und dot vas : 
 
 " Welcher Esel die Pauken nicht kann schlagen, 
 Muss die Sack zur Miihle tragen." 
 
 [A donkey vot gannot peat on a drum, 
 
 Still may garry de sacks from de mill to home.] 
 
 Und id gome to me as a ganz origmcller 
 Gcdanke, or notion vot nopody efer hat pefore, 
 inshtet of makin mein work oud of oder Buchs 
 to write id endirely out of mine own het, und ex- 
 beriences und nod Borrow nodings from Nopody 
 of any gonsequence. To pe sure dis is roonin 
 
Preliminary Notice. 
 
 crate risks, for, ash efery pooplisher knows, Novel 
 ties in Literatur are fery tangerous und dis is 
 von of de most shtartin kind. Howefer, dot is de 
 way it was done. Now de Werlt is cot to pe 
 so wicked, und de dricks of de Trade is pecome 
 so numperless. dot dere will pe Volks who will 
 occuse me of hoompuggin, efen here yoost ash 
 der Teufel said to de holy Hermit, u Thou art 
 a sanctimonious hypocritic " (as is told py 
 Agricola) boot if any soosh dere are, dey may 
 yoost shear off to dem teufel und shake demselfs. 
 Denn acain, I have tone vot indeed no 
 German writer cfer tid pefore me, since de fery 
 peginning of dime, or de fore-gone Edernity 
 und avoidet afery tempdation to display mine 
 learnin or form theories of Origins of names in 
 Hishtorie. Dus, for examble, when I foundt 
 out dot Nopody really knew pefore me vot de 
 wort Tyrol means und de undeniaple truth 
 coom to me ash I learnt id from an old peasant- 
 Baucr I shdill refrainet from mentionin id. For 
 id abbears dot de early inhopitants of dis landt 
 who were Giants, lifed on dop of de moundains, 
 und ven dey wanted to go into Innsbruck, dey 
 
Preliminary Notice. 
 
 yoost rolled doun into de valley, from whence 
 dey were callet De Rollers, or Ty-rolers albeit 
 I was tolt py a Suabian Gelehrter, or learnet 
 man, dot it was more likely dot it come from 
 rollbar, or de rolliii 1 of de tongue, pecause de 
 unhappytants of dis favoured land are so giftet 
 mit gab, und }\?S.Q proverpially^Q much Schwatz- 
 haftigkcit or loquacity. 
 
 I hafe also refrain from mentionin dot Inns 
 bruck commed from de Wort In und Bruch, a 
 bog or flat blace or site, und nod from de rifer 
 Inn and Brilckc, a pridge, vitch latter is indeet 
 fery plausiple, und naturly hafe misleated many 
 shmall soaperficial foolologists. Somedings may 
 howefer be said for de Theorie dot id is derivet 
 from de Inns or hotels vitch hafe pecome so 
 common since de Englisch volk hafe dook to 
 comin here, vitch schicssen ivie die Pilzc ans 
 der BrncW hervor dot is vitch shoot like mush 
 rooms from der BrucW or level ground py 
 which it is also interestin to be-mark dot mush 
 rooms intimate dot dere is so mush, or much, or 
 so many rooms in dem. 
 
 All dese demptations hafe I most oonscrupu- 
 16 
 
Preliminary Notice. 
 
 lusly avoidet to show de Reater dot it is 
 bossiple, efen for a German writer on Deutsche 
 soobyects in a German land, to geep glear of all 
 Germanism ven he redress a British American 
 publicum, hafin mineself, like dem, a crate 
 Abscheu or horrorple disgoost for too much 
 talkativeness alvays pearin in mind de wise 
 sayin of Walter von der Vogelweide, who vas 
 himself a Tyroler : 
 
 " Keep a guardt oopon your tongue, 
 Dat is goot for oldt or young ; 
 Shut de polt pefore de door, 
 Speak no idle wort no more. 5 * 
 
 Now dere is anoder fery crate Originality in 
 dis Buch. As it has peen saidt, " few men can 
 live mitout a master or a wife," so dere is no 
 German dot can write oonless under de over- 
 rulin needcessity, und iron rule of de Unities, 
 or makin his whole Buch a logical und gon- 
 
 1 Hittet iuvver zungen, 
 Das zimt wol den jungen ; 
 Stoz den rigel viir die tiir, 
 La de keine boese wort dafiir. 
 
 17 B 
 
Preliminary Notice. 
 
 nectet whole ; vereas dis of mine gonsists 
 altogeter of Skizzen, or Skits, or Skitches of 
 dings, yoost ash dey corned along. Dere is a 
 curious oldt proverb dat " ven der Rhein is 
 vonce in de Ocean he nefer dinks of the 111 " 
 dot is a liddle rill vot roon into id. Yoost 
 so, most trafel-writers try to pe Seas or keep 
 de sea in sight vhile dis mein Buch is all of 
 rivulets ! 
 
 So oop and down, denn roonin pack, 
 Like waves on de beach at play ; 
 
 Und fitful ash a yoompin Yack, 
 Our fancies flit afay. 
 
 Und so id is, oh reater dot de mind of de 
 Drafeller, drawn from object to object, yoomps 
 from idee to idee like a monkey from pranch to 
 pranch in a dropical forest for vitch reason I 
 hafe made dis chapder motley und varied, dat 
 you may oonderstand from de peginnin , or 
 Anfang (so callet pecause it is dere dot men 
 catch holt), dot dis Buch vill pe a changin 
 kaleidoscope, und not a panorama of von subject 
 a work multiform und multifarious, of characder 
 manifold und vielseitig, or many-sided, yea, 
 18 
 
Preliminary Notice. 
 
 heteregeneous, motley, mosaic, indiskcriminal, 
 desultory (und Liberal), irreckular und reckless, 
 diverse und prose, all sorts of kinds und unkinds, 
 et hoc gcmts omne und vot nod? dc omnibus 
 rebus et quibusdam aliis. 
 
 For de man who drafels most is de von who 
 sees de most und dinks de most in cratest 
 Variety und nod de von who yoost cofer de 
 most groundt. Derefore, ash you will fore-saw, 
 dere will pe a crate deal of fery fine confused 
 feedin in dis Buch. 
 
 (A bause.) 
 
 . . . Dock writer mine tear reader yoost, 
 a liddle few words more ! 
 
 It corned to pass oopon a dimes vonce dat 
 a crate gramme-arian or von of de kindt dat 
 himself mit liddle grains or pig scruples efer 
 busies in language, to me told, dot he didn t 
 dink moosh of mine Teutonic English, pecause 
 I de same worts sehr oft fery decidedly und 
 tifferently bronounced und written hafe. Vitch 
 ist fery drue, und I mineself dereto special 
 attention do call. For I peg you all to be- 
 19 
 
Preliminary Notice. 
 
 mark dat dere was yet nefer porn nor on 
 dis Eart a humane bein und most of all a 
 Deutscher immortal who while learnin a 
 language I gare not vot or vhen tid not 
 somedimes bronounce or out-speak in two or 
 dree tifferent ways de same ding. I dink dis 
 learned Mann " hat mir cigcntlich nicht in die 
 Pfanne gehaut" or " not got de petter in a 
 controfersy" ash der Herr BORCHARDT exblain 
 de sayin , vitch mean literally, to coot anypody 
 up to liddle bieces, und denn fry em ! Now 
 not to talk too moosh I mendion all dis 
 to remint der Reader dat de diversification 
 und dissim-hilarity mismatchedness of de shpellin 
 is de result of crate und profound study of mine 
 vellow-countrymen vot hafe nod as yet ottain 
 to soosh broficiency in English as Mineself. 
 Now I shvear, py mine Ink und Penstand ! 
 dot it ist no half hour since I dalk English 
 mit a Tyroler, und may I pe plessed if dot veller 
 bronouncet any dwo Worts alike sogar auf 
 Deutsch, he saidt, "Jao-ja" for "Yes, yes." 
 One wouldt dink dot his expressions all saidt 
 of von anoder vot der Teufel saidt of de 
 20 
 
Preliminary Notice. 
 
 chimney-shweep : " Lass ihn ein er ist imr 
 dhnlich " " Let him com in he looks some- 
 ding like me." 
 
 Und yet furder : It ofden happen dot de 
 Critikers or Crickets, efen vhen dey are ooterly 
 or oonooteraply telightet mit a Buch, all de 
 way troo, shtill vant to find some liddle Fehlers 
 or faults, so ash to abbear imbartial. Und 
 to shpare dem disples I hafe here und dere 
 put in some -bloonders und defects, to oplige 
 dem. Und aldough it is saidt Aqm la 11011 
 captat muscas (^Eacles tont hawk at vlies), shtill 
 dere is som who cotch at brinter s errors, et 
 cetera, und hint dem all on de author aldough 
 he may hafe corrected dem tree dimes ofer 
 as has ofden happened to me, mineself ; now, 
 to oplige dem, I hafe gemaket seferal dings 
 all wrong yoost to help em along may der 
 Lort brosper oos all in our kindly intentions ! 
 So dot if de reader find anyding dot tid not 
 gefall or blease him, I peg him to rememper 
 dot it vas poot in mit Absicht or fell intention, 
 to prefent das Buch from pein too goot. 
 Wouldt dot all writers hat dis Bcschcidcnheit 
 
 21 
 
Preliminary Notice. 
 
 or Modesty, like me, und nod make demselfs 
 oppear as schamlos py pretendin to perfecdion ! 
 It is dis veelin of irrebressiple modesty vot 
 me dus far prefented hafe from mention vot 
 a crate-full-ologist to me oncet expressed at an 
 Oriental Congresse und it vas priefly dis : 
 a Vhen de vlyin machine of Maxim shall hafe 
 pecome an Axiom or estaplished Sayin or 
 Trut und avery pody vly efery where like 
 pumple-pees denn de oferpowerin preponter- 
 ance of de English or Angelic-Saxon und 
 German races vill it to pass pring dot Brcit- 
 mannese vill pe de sole language of de future 
 for de entire human races ! Dot is to say dot 
 Pidgin English mit German gemixt, und 
 mitout any bodders of grammar or shbellin , 
 or syntaxes, or any oder kinds of taxes on our 
 sins or impatiences, will bredominate und 
 dere you are! " u Dot // set em up a dalkin " 
 ash de old lady said ven she put rum in her 
 visidors tea " if anyding will " und it tid ! 
 I leafe de gontemblation of dis stubendous 
 future to my reaters ! 
 
 Also it was beknown dot de studie of de 
 
 22 
 
Preliminary Notice. 
 
 Breitmann writings form de pest und easiest 
 Einlcitung, dot is an In-leading or Introduction 
 to de German language dot is as yet refealed 
 to humanity, or de Menschheit. I go not far 
 as a friendt of mein in Philadelphia tid, vot 
 teclare dot readhr dem made him veel more 
 Dutchy as de Dutches demselfs Germanior 
 quam Gcrmanos ipsos for I feer dot was mere 
 fluttery. Dere is, however, von liddle anecdote 
 which I myself to omit not can pring. In 
 a high, well-born Englisch Familie, where de 
 German unto de shildren ge-learned was, dese 
 yung uns access had to a copie of mine Ballads, 
 which dey py hearts got. Und de result was 
 dot dey beginned to talk to von anoder in 
 soosh a Dialekte dot die Mutter de first wort 
 of vot dey saidt not understand could sogar 
 a North German dot dere came, teclared he 
 only a liddle here and dere begripped. Boot 
 ven in dot familie a Professor from Tubingen 
 arrifed he listen like von who was ruptured 
 mit telight, und denn to de Mutter said : 
 " Madame, I hafe in de most cultured circles 
 in England peen, boot anyding so understand- 
 
Preliminary Notice. 
 
 aple as de speechfullness of your shildren, I 
 nefer ge-heard hafe." Und ven dese kinders 
 to Munich ge-taken were, de fery foorst tay dey 
 shut up de cook mit sass, und shkared a 
 Schornsteinfegcr } or chimply - shweep, white ! 
 I att no more ! 
 
 Doch ! yet von more remark. Der Tii- 
 binger Professor, of whom I spoken hafe, ven 
 he left England, put on his cards, B.B.C., dot is 
 Bour Brendre Conge so I adds hier a Bebe 
 S or a post-postscript dot is dot if de 
 public like dis Buch apout de Tirol, dere may 
 vollow bossiply Hans Breitmann in Italy or 
 New Jersey or Brighton or Egypt or Russ- 
 land or in Zigeunerland, vitch is Eferywhere 
 yoost as de Sales, und de Critics may determine 
 I peing guidet brincipally py de first und 
 mostly py de last. Und dis is, I peliefe, mine 
 last Wort. Now you may pegin readin de 
 Buch! 
 
 24 
 
CHAPTER I. 
 
 ox SHILDREN S PLAYS, MIT DER BALLADE OF 
 
 HIES L DER PAD LIDDLE POY. 
 
 " Daz was noch gar ein Kindes spil." 
 WOLFRAM VON ESCHENBACH, Parzival (557, 12). 
 
 " Cavalcar la capra verso il chino." 
 
 Proverbii di Orlando Peschetti, 1618. 
 
 DER BREITMANN sat in a gorner of de peaudiful 
 public Garden, or Park, of Innsbruck or in dat 
 spezial Eckc vhere de pest Lager Bier is dis- 
 penset py de Geschwister Tiefenthaler under de 
 shady drees alles sehr schon und he vatch a 
 ten or dwelf liddle girls, von of vitch vas a 
 shmall poy in an old-vashioned coat doun to his 
 heels like a Noah s Ark, und a long cock-tails 
 in his hat. 
 
 Dey were a-blayin a Kindspicl a game, vitch 
 25 
 
Hans Ereitmann In 
 
 dey egsecutit dusly : Dey all make a ring und 
 danced roundt, a-singin in Deutsch 
 
 " Im Friihling, im Friihling 
 Da ist die schonste Zeit, 
 Da freuen sich die Junge 
 Und auch die Alte heut," 
 
 [De Spring-dime de Spring-dime, 
 Dot is de fairest, true, 
 Denn young folk all rejoices, 
 Likevise de old vons too.] 
 
 Den de shildren shtopped and sang 
 
 " Der Schuster, der Schuster, 
 Der macht es immer so." 
 
 [Der shoemak er, der shoemak er, 
 He always work yoost so !] 
 
 Den de Kinders all pegan to make pelieve 
 bore holes mit awls in de Ledder and make 
 schuhs. Denn dey all tantz round again and 
 sing 
 
 " In Spring-time, in Spring-time," 
 
 und denn dey imitated a Schulmeister , ven all 
 
 26 
 
Germany Tyrol. 
 
 de pig shildren vip de shmall vons, and der 
 liddle poy cot pehind-shpanked vorst of all, 
 dough he hat peen der most shtillest and pestest 
 in de whole gommunity. Denn dey goed on to 
 show how deir Vater shmoked a pipe, und die 
 house-maid shweep de vloor, und der Onkel 
 trink bier, und so on mit all de oder Industriell 
 bursuits und avocadions of de mittel class mit 
 de Tantz-chorus. 
 
 u Dot blay," remark der Herr Professor Bum- 
 belchen, vot had accompanit Hans to dis Szene 
 of innocent Mirt und jufenile Festivitat u is 
 drawn from de Mittel Ages, vot dook it in toorn 
 from de more older dimes of Rome und id was 
 an apridged form of de vamous Gcwerbsziige, a 
 processions of de trades, in which dey march 
 singin de praises of Spring, while dey practise 
 deir callings." 
 
 u y^7, so ! " rebly Hans. " Das ist aber schr 
 intercssant. Dot is fery inderestinV 
 
 " De shildrens," pursued der Herr Professor, 
 " are de chroniclers und breserfers of more folk 
 lore, dann de Worlt dinks of." 
 
 "I hafe observet," remarkt Hans, "dot de 
 27 
 
Hans Ereitmann in 
 
 shildren in der Tyrol are mosdly fery well 
 pehaved." 
 
 " Dot comes," reblied der Professor, " pecause 
 dere is so many Popanze or Boogaboos or dings 
 dot deir Mutters frighten dem mit, to make dem 
 pehafe. Vhere de shildrens is pecome Agnos- 
 tiker and tont believe in pug-bears, und are not 
 horror-strook und terrorised und shocked mit 
 awe at ideal phantoms as in America dere 
 dey are all de paddest vons ash you can find. 
 Ja wo/2/. Dough inteed we hafe not soosh a 
 tremendous lot of Kinder schrecker as dey hafe 
 in Ungarn, as you may read in de fery inde- 
 restin articles written by Ludwig Kalmany. 1 
 For dere dey have a Pope, der Arkus-Barkus^ 
 der Bubus und Mumus und Lcle und Mokan 
 mit efer so many more ja de shildren in Hun 
 gary most pe fery goot if dey surfife it ! 
 
 Howefer, we hafe cot a goot many of de same 
 sort of scare-crows or scare-boys among oos as 
 you may yoodge from dis story." 
 
 1 Given in die Ethnologische Mitteilimgen aus 
 Ungarn. Budapest. Edited and published by Anton 
 Herrmann. 
 
 28 
 
Germany *fyroL 
 
 Denn der Professor telled his legend, und der 
 Breitmann was so compressed mit it, dot he 
 singed it in rhyme as vollows indo a boem : 
 
 HIES L. 
 
 Dis is a tale of de tays of oldt, 
 
 Of Gratsch, a blace in de wild Tyrol t. 
 
 Hies l of Kircherhof, on de Green, 
 
 Was der worst liddle poy dot nefer vas seen ; 
 
 Vot beoples calls a Gassenbiib" 1 
 
 Dot roons on de shtreets a-rollin a hoop, 
 
 A whistlin , a shkreemin , or trowin shtones, 
 
 De kindt vot parents looks at mit groans ; 
 
 De poys dot vherefer dey com mit deir fun, 
 
 De togs all park und de Katz all run ; 
 
 Gott keep all Vaters und Mutters bof 5 
 
 From shildren like Hies l of Kircherhof! 
 
 Von tay his Mutter : " Mein Hies l," sait she, 
 " Dou moost try for a petterer poy to be, 
 Und keep from dis trowin shtones und squarrels, 
 Und do dein pestest to mend dy morals : 
 Und ven de Ave Maria bell rings 
 At evenin , stay home like averydings, 
 Und don t go blayin in efery alleys, 
 Mit all de vagapond Toms und Sallys ; 
 For tis well pe-known, ash all remark, 
 Dere are dreatful Dings vot browl in de dark 
 29 
 
Hans Breitmann in 
 
 Dere s de Schreckenhund so plack und crate, 
 Mit eyes of fire ash bick ash a plate ; 
 Und die Griine Hexe de green oldt witch 
 Vot go for all pad liddle poys mit a svitch ; 
 Und die Frau i>on Hitt vot ride on a horse, 
 Und carry dem off in a sack of course ; 
 Und der Kdsemannlein vot look like sheese, 
 Doot coots deir leeks short off at de knees ; 
 Und die Norgen who alvays deir work pegins 
 Py prickin pad poys to deat mit pins ; 
 Und der Eismann vot grap em und nefer shtop 
 Dill he carry dem off to de mountain-dop, 
 Und poonishes all deir grimes und vice 
 Py toornin 5 dem into loomps of ice. 
 Likewise der derriple Wilder Mann, 
 Vot skhare em to deaf so moosh ash he kann ; 
 Und die Grosse Trude vot live in de fiel s, 
 Boot com indo town pad poys to shteals ; 
 Und die Wasser Frdulein vot rise from de lake 
 Und gifes dem bieces of pies mit cake, 
 Und dakes dem all from de land or shore, 
 Und dey nefer peholds deir Mutters no more, 
 So doun in das Wasser dey haf to shtay 
 Vhere she vips und vollops dem efery tay ; 
 Und der Orgo dot mak t de shildren fare ill, 
 For he has a mout as pig ash a barrel ; 
 Dere into der same soosh kinder he stecks, 
 Und eat em all oop exgsep de leeks : 
 Dis a terriple sight dot mout so wide 
 Mit de leeks of shildren hangin outside ! 
 30 
 
Germany Tyrol. 
 
 Und der Pechmannerl so derriple, vitch 
 
 Has haar so plack dot it shine like pitch, 
 
 He com to beoples mit a shmile 
 
 Boot is pent on killen em, all de vhile ; 
 
 Und die Wichtelmannerj or liddle elfs, 
 
 Dot is fery moosh like bad poys demselfs, 
 
 Und are always tryin de same to fix 
 
 Mit some kind of gruel und efil dricks ; 
 
 Und der Piitz l or Butz, vot trow you mit shtones 
 
 Und shen rally ents by preakin your pones ; 
 
 Und der Neckgeist dot mocks und jeers so pad, 
 
 Who shneers you alvays dill you go mad ; 
 
 Und der Fanga dot cotch you mit a charm 
 
 Und garry you off all oonder his arm ; 
 
 Und die Waldfrciuleins mit de Willeivciss, 
 
 Mit die Wilde Dime, dot in a drice 
 
 Fly away mit poys to a tisdant shore ; 
 
 Dere is all of dese and a hundert more, 
 
 Dot will surely cotch you my Hies l mark ! 
 
 If you roon apout in de shtreets py dark." 
 
 Boot der Hies l gared not a pin not he 
 For all his Mutter s Mytologie ; 
 Nay he dinked he wouldt like to hafe a looks, 
 If dey coom in his way, at som of dese spooks, 
 So now you shall hear how dis ding he tried, 
 Und how his tesire was sottisfied. 
 
 Dot fery efenin ash shtill ash a mouse 
 Dis Hies l sofdly shdeal from de house 
 
 31 
 
Hans Breitmann in 
 
 Foorst of all ash de Clock shtrike Elf 
 A biece of fruit-bread and denn himself, 
 Und shlip out of toors, und denn pegun 
 A loafin apotit to look for fun, 
 Like many olders who d petter keep 
 Demselfs in deir Betts und go to shleep, 
 Dill all of a sutten der poy tid note 
 Yoost near pefore him a peaudiful goat, 
 A fine plack goat right dere in de Eck 
 Mit a pell a ringin around its neck. 
 
 " Hooray !" cried Hies l u de game s pegun, 
 
 Mit dot Goat I ll go it und hafe some fun. 
 
 A goat is ash goot as a pony to ride." 
 
 So oop on de Billy he gets ashtride, 
 
 Und sure ash you live for id all is drue 
 
 Avay like a race-horse de onimal flew, 
 
 Und der Hies l, telighted, gry out, " Hip, ho ! 
 
 Dis is de vay for a veller to go ! " 
 
 Yen he mark dot dis Goat dot vas plack ash a 
 
 nigger, 
 
 Pegan to enlarge und crow visiply pigger, 
 Und ash it crew pigger pegan for to vly 
 Ofer de Houser und oop to de sky, 
 Afay, afay in de silentzed night, 
 Dill Hies l cot horrored und shkreem mit fright, 
 Und vished he nefer had goned out blayin , 
 Und vas safe in his Bett mit his home acain ! 
 
Germany Tyrol. 
 
 Now Hies l, his Mutter, had long pegun 
 
 To veel fery ooneasy apout her Sohn ; 
 
 She knowed dot his dricks und his little vays 
 
 Wouldt pear a watchin py nights or tays ; 
 
 So vhen she had foundet he d left das Hans, 
 
 She caught oop her ponnet und busted heraus, 
 
 Und rooned ash if led py som shpirit or shtar, 
 
 Along de roads in de fielts afar, 
 
 She knovv d not whidder she wist not where, 
 
 Like a bird dot is whirled on a shtorm troo de air, 
 
 Or a flock of schnow, or a hoonter s dart, 
 
 Vhen Someding a soodenly maket her start ! 
 
 For she heardt far ofer her het a gry ; 
 
 She lookt und peholdet abofe in de shky 
 
 Ach Himmel ! vot sights for a Mutter to note ! 
 
 Her Hies l a-ridin a Billy-goat! 
 
 She trilled mit de horribelest alarms, 
 
 Her shpirit was shlog mit teadly squalms, 
 
 Yet e en in dot instinct of vild tespair, 
 
 She ootered a brief-compacted brayer, 
 
 Yoost " Ave Maria /"no more in fac , 
 
 Vhen der Goat trow d Hies l off of his pack ! 
 
 Off like an arrow ge-shot from a pow 
 
 Boot ha ! dere s an Oak-dree a crowin pelow ! 
 
 He is safed he is won ! Donnerwetter, vot yoy ! 
 
 For de pranches shoot out und cotch holt of der poy ! 
 
 Like hands mit fingers dey clasp him soft, 
 
 Und Hies l is helt py de dwigs aloft, 
 
 Und die Mutter look oop und vot did she see 
 
 Boot der Hies l a-schwingin on dop of a dree ! 
 
 33 c 
 
Hans Ereitmann in Germany. 
 
 Von Chronik say dot, " Es ist wahr 
 
 Sie holt iJm hcrab mit Lebensgefahr" : 
 
 Dot means dot de brave und tefotet Wife 
 
 Did glimp und safe Hies l py riskin her life ; 
 
 Boot anoder teclare dot de beoples in town 
 
 Coom oop mit a latter und rescued him down. 
 
 I cannot say vitch id vould vex a Saints 
 
 To settle so many Chronic gomplaints. 
 
 All dot I know, twas py Huber-Ried 
 
 Dot Hies l was caught py der dree, inteed, 
 
 Und a liddle chapel was pilt dere, to show 
 
 Dis dings vot hoppen d so long aco, 
 
 Mit a peautiful carvin in which de folk 
 
 May see Hies l a shtickin on dop of de oak, 
 
 Mit a Gotic-Latin inscribtion vot shtate, 
 
 It dook blace in Twelf hundret und Forty Eight. 
 
 From vitch I inver und I write it mit yoy, 
 
 Dot HiesP reform t to a fery goot poy, 
 
 Und berhops in dime corned into a Saint, 
 
 Dough for dis I ll not schvear dot he is or he ain t. 
 
 Now all liddle poys if dis meet your eye, 
 
 (Und also some pigger vons py de py), 
 
 Yoost learn from it de Triit vot I dell, 
 
 If you mind your Mutter you ll alfays do veil, 
 
 For in avery dings id is cerdainly drue 
 
 Your Mutter knows pest vot is goot for you, 
 
 For mit all de visdom dis vorld enyoys, 
 
 De Mutters know pest how to manage de poys, 
 
 Vedder cley re meant to pe briests or laymen : 
 
 Gott keep dem all in his mercy. . . . Amen ! 
 
 34 
 
CHAPTER II. 
 
 ON DE GIGANTIC VIRDUE OF GERMAN PATIENCE, 
 MIT DE HISTORIE OF GERMAN GIANTS IN TIROL. 
 
 " Pazienza disse il lupo al asino." 
 " Pazienza vince Scienza." 
 
 " Patientia, tempus, pecunia 
 Will put any discord in ttme-ia. 
 Patentia, patientium, 
 Said Saint Antonium." 
 
 Italian Proverbs. 
 
 " In Comitatu Tyrolensi prope Oenipontum (Inns 
 bruck) est monasterium nomine Wiltavium, in quo 
 ostenditur Gigas ingentis, et stupendae magnitudinis 
 nomine Haymon. Cujus sepulchrum pedes quindecim 
 longum, leganturque ibidem intercasteros hi versus 
 
 Supra octingentos a Christi et septuaginta 
 
 Annus et octavus cum moreretur, erat 
 
 Vnde vides grandem tumuli sub imagine formam, 
 
 Ex ligno prisco quam posuere patres, 
 35 
 
Hans Breitmann in 
 
 Aspice ferrato regem dormire cubili, 
 Corpora quod cubitos asquat atroce novem." 
 
 De Gigantibus (In Miraculia Vivorum, auctore 
 Henrico Kornmanno, A.D. 1614). 
 
 DE Tyrolers are all a bleasant, yolly, goot- 
 nadured, glean, gemuthliche folk deswegen, or 
 
 derefore, all their downs und fillages hafe a 
 friendly outlook, for id ist alfays visible vot 
 beoples ist like, ven you sees how dey life, und 
 how dey keep deir homes. Yoost ash in Italy 
 dere is alvays somedings schlotterig und schlum- 
 pig, or loafery, slummy und slumpy apout de 
 shdreets und houses, mit all deir peauty, so de 
 Tyroler views, or onsights, are onvariaply neat 
 mit romandic elegance, pecause mosd of the volk 
 talks Deutsch ven anypody ist lookin on, und 
 gopples Italienisch mong demselfs ; dot is a kind 
 of Katidcrivalsch vot vouldt have droved Petrarch 
 indo fits mit all his knowingness of Italian Dia- 
 lecte. Und ven der Herr Breitmann corned indo 
 de Marie Theresien Strasse, he trowed oop his 
 het like an ox trow oop his horns ven he coom 
 to a hill, und exglaim : " Donnerwetter 1 dot 
 is vot I lets undo mineself pe called wonder- 
 
 36 
 
Germany Tyrol. 
 
 shiny peaudiful ! " for he moost allow dot in 
 all his drafels he hat nefer seen a more preddier 
 brosbcctus. 
 
 Dis Strass is so breit dot id sees out more like 
 a Platz or biazza dan a shdreet, und de lines of 
 houser on eider site is made of pildings vitch 
 ven not palastartig or paladial, are all-dings 
 foorst rate painter-ish, und lets demselfs coom 
 indo fievvs for de opera. Yoost in de Mitte dere 
 heaves idself up de Anna-Saule, a colomn of red 
 Tyroler marple vot tower on high mit a Mtitter- 
 gottcsbild, like it would lift de Madonna oop to 
 heafen. 
 
 As if id vould soar oopward 
 In de evening-cloudy glow ; 
 Vile castin a shadow townvards 
 Oopon de folk pelow ! 
 
 In dot Wag, Breitmann bewoondered die 
 Spital-Kirche, vhere dere is a Predigt or breach 
 ing in Italian afery Sunday, und going-ofer or 
 opposite a lordtly house whereon is a boost of 
 der poet and musiker der crate Herrman von 
 Gilm. 
 
 37 
 
Hans Ereitmann in 
 
 "Da liegt cm Musikant bcgrabcn" say der 
 Breitmann, u yen nod in der pody, dock yet in 
 der spirit ven nod in de field, boot stattlich or 
 stately in der Stadt." Dere too he peheldt de 
 Ottenthal House und de Landhaus constroocted 
 py Anton Gump. " Dat ist de virst dime," said 
 der Breitmann, " dot I efer heardt of a crate 
 Gump vot do anyding defer ! " 
 
 All aroundt und afar und peyond on high, 
 rosed a fringe of shnow-tipt moundains, vot 
 seem so nigh und yed so far even vile de Sonn 
 is hot in de shdreets, und oldt vomen is selling 
 beaches und figs on der corners. So ein dirsty, 
 weary Deutscher lets dem daste goot to himself 
 ven he coom across de Alpen into so ein golden 
 Fruchtenland or fruit-land. 
 
 Also vas he let himself be bleased mit de 
 Fruchtenbrod or fruit-bread vot you see in all de 
 baker-cake shops. Dis is gomposed mit rosins, 
 ficks, almondts, pine-kernels, und pits of fery 
 hard shweet stoff, paked in a croost, mit shpice 
 und sugar. De English beoples dink it dastes 
 like a handfoll of crabble-shtones gemixt mit 
 molasses, or prown sugar but de Deutschers und 
 38 
 
Germany Tyrol. 
 
 Tyrolers lofes id all de same as mintz-py, und 
 calls it Engclbrot or angel-pread. Ja, der crate 
 Hungarian joker Moritz Jokai say in a romance 
 dot de folk in Hungary bities the oder beoples 
 in de lands vhere Fruchtenbrod is unbeknown, 
 und voonder vot yoy dey can find in life mitout 
 id. For de gustibus 11011 est disputandum, dere 
 is no use in squirreling about daste dough I 
 gonfess I findt it hardt to pelieve, ven I hear dot 
 dere is in dis vorldt beoples vot ton t love Sauer 
 kraut, nor caviare. Veil-veil ! so id goes ! 
 
 Ei m jeden gefallt seine Weise wol 
 Drum ist die Welt der Narren voll. 
 
 [All beople dinks deir own taste sound, 
 Derefore do fools so moosh apound.j 
 
 " Und de moral of id ist, dot we moost all 
 hafe Geduld or patience mit von anoder. 
 
 " Only, ton t garry batience too far. Vonce 
 oopon a dimes dere vas a Dootchman vot missed 
 de Lichtputzc or candle-snoofers. He hoonted 
 all ofer de haus, boot couldn t find dem. All 
 dot day he vos a snoofer-less Dootchman. 
 
 " Ven de Night coom on, he sot toun und 
 39 
 
Hans Ereitmann in 
 
 saidt : All tay long I cot some liddle crabble- 
 shtones in mine poot, I kess I ll dake dem out. 
 
 " So he sot toun und pooled off his poot, und 
 helt it oopside doun und poured out de snoofers ! 
 He hat peen trodden on dem in his poot 
 all-day. 
 
 " Dis Dootchman hat too moosh Gcduld, or 
 more batience dan was goot for him. Id were 
 goned him petter if de virst ding early in de 
 mornin , ven he veel de candle-snoofers a hurtin 
 his foot, he hat cot mad und saidt : Potz HolV 
 und Teufel! vas ist in mine sole ? und pooled 
 de poot off, und took de light-shears out. For 
 dere vas alvays somedings riesengross or pig as 
 shiants in de Deutschers, of all kind und sorts, 
 und dis veller hat shiant patience. Ja ve trink 
 like shiants, und vork und vightja und soofer 
 like dem. Ve pe s fery ofden somevot ungcholfen 
 or glumsy, und to-whiles ; or now und den ; 
 rader dumm (dot is, shtupid) boot id ist like a 
 shiant and nod like an Italian monkey. Ash der 
 crate Johonnes Hinkelbeinius scibed in his Topo 
 graphic of der German Soul Id ist petter to pe 
 pig like a vild boar dan liddle like a Maus. De 
 40 
 
Germany T yroL 
 
 Deutschers may pe like vild-Bores und Shiants, 
 boot nefer like mices." 
 
 Dis vos the reflections of der Breitmann ash 
 he coom into de Hofgasse und peholded ash he 
 elefated his eyes, das Riesenhaus, or House of der 
 Shiant, vot coom like a Wonder-work of in- 
 tuning, or go-inside-ence mit his dinking. For 
 vot he saw vos a Middle-elterly house mit de 
 sdatue in shtone of a Goliath in armour, fery 
 vonderful to fiew, und py de side of id vas a 
 tablet mit de following vorts : 
 
 DIS HOUSE 
 
 DER ARCHDUKE SIGISMUND OF TIROL PILDED 
 
 IN DE YEAR 1490 FOR HIS SHIANT NlKO- 
 
 LAUS HARDL, UND HAT DE SAME 
 
 MIT HIS IMAGE ADORNED. 
 
 De Tyrol vas alvays famous for Shiants, even 
 so for fery pick, handsome men to dis tay. Dere 
 ist ladies in Vienna, sogar Hofdamen of de top 
 most arisdocracy, vot pay cnorm brices for yung 
 Tyroler Colasseses, vot dey are so unverschami 
 as to geep apout deir bersons like bett-larnms, so 
 41 
 

 Hans Breitmann in 
 
 crate is de luxuria and vicketness of dis vorldt. 
 Und in de fifteenth year-hundred dere vas still 
 a crate deal of Abcrglaube und soaperstition 
 remainin apout dem, vitch is de reason vy der 
 Duke Sigismund und Ferdinand II. revardet 
 deir shiants mit shblendid houses, und sdatues, 
 vitch vos more dan dey vould hafe efer don for 
 any shiants of Intellect dot efer lifed, vitch shows 
 dat it is petter to pe porn a seven-footer dan a 
 heaven-porn Sohn of genius. 
 
 De vay dis Soaperstition coom apout, vas, dat 
 in de oldt dime, so long for-bey ash never vas, 
 de Tyrol vas so fool of dese pig vellers, dat id 
 moost hofe peen de Haupt-quartier und fater-land 
 of all de Shiants, of de fery tallest und brutallest 
 kind. Und die Historia bescribe dat among 
 dese vas der Glunkezer Riese ; or Shiant ; die 
 Albacher Riesen, der Dornasser Ries , Riese 
 Gauner, also Heims, Thiirse, de Vintschgauers, 
 der Salvenjoch und Marbachjoch, und der 
 Schwarzegger. 
 
 Soosh is de nople Historic, 
 
 Of de Shiants vot lived on the mountains free, 
 
 Dot mit deir teeds so gross und grand 
 
 42 
 
Germany Tyrol. 
 
 Erstaunisht de Volk of avery land, 
 Mighdy in form mit awfool face, 
 De Vaters of our German race. 
 
 Und derewith der Riese, or Shiant, von 
 Tschsiersthal, vot vas so cnorm dot ven he vos 
 ashleep und shnorin , beople dink id vas Donner, 
 und all de more so, pecause his breat plow de 
 drees like a dempest all a-doun. Now all of 
 dem have got deir Biographias in de Sagas of 
 Tyrol, und among dem dere is dis apout der 
 Schwarzegger Riese, showin how he come to 
 grief : 
 
 DER SCHWARZEGGER SHIANT. 
 All in der Haufenwalde, und in der mornin dime, 
 Vere men a pildin houses mit shtein und wood und 
 
 Leim ; 
 Oont ash dey lay de dimpers shoost ash der meister 
 
 bid, 
 Dere coom an oldt cray Riese vot looked at vot dey 
 
 did: 
 
 He say undo de beople : " Ich dcnkc diesen Wald, 
 IcJi denke ihn auf Ehre nennmal jung und neunuial 
 
 alt: 
 Dot means he could rememper dot forest und de 
 
 wold, 
 Ven it vas nine dimes growing, und nine dimes ven 
 
 d was old. 
 
 43 
 
Hans Breitmann in 
 
 But long ash I hafe peen here I nefer yet did see 
 A shiant or an anyding vot could ge-conquer me ; 
 You may dink you re mighdy defer, but dis is fery drue, 
 I couldt sendt you all to donder if so I chose to do." 
 
 Hard py dere stoot a parrel, tvas full of water clear, 
 Id gave de vorkmen drouple to bring das Wasser dere, 
 Der shiant he vas dirsty, for him tvas boot a sup ; 
 He shdick his het in der parrel, und trink das Wasser 
 oop. 
 
 Denn he said, " I ll coom to-morrow, again, und you 
 
 you moost dink, 
 
 Efery tay to fill dot parrel dot I may take a trink : 
 Und if you do neglect id look out for shdicks und 
 
 shtones : 
 For denn, by Donnerwetter ! I smashes all your 
 
 pones ! " 
 
 De garpenters und puilders ge-bromist all he ask ; 
 Dey schvear to pring dot wasser vouldt pe deir daily 
 
 task ; 
 Und dey kep deir word wahrhaflig, bot dey vere 
 
 glefer chaps, 
 Und dey truly fill de parrel but dey fill it oop mit 
 
 Sc knaps. 
 
 Das schmeckte aem Schwarzegger, he like it you con 
 ceive ; 
 
 He nefer hat trink Branntwcin before, I do pelieve : 
 He roll his eyes in ropture he noddle mit his het, 
 Denn on de ground roll ofer so drunk like he vas tead. 
 44 
 
Germany T yrol. 
 
 Dere vas a bully butcher by-standing mit an axe, 
 Und at de Shiant s necke he give an awful whacks, 
 Er haute den Kopf vom Rumpfe he chop dot het 
 
 avay; 
 Dere like a shtock or Stumpfc, mouse-dead dot Shiant 
 
 lay. 
 
 Dis is de ancient legend, gesung ash you moost know, 
 
 All in de Deutsche Wcilder a tausend yar ago : 
 
 Vitch show dough Demprance beople den Brannt- 
 
 vvein may apuse : 
 Dere somedimes coom a grysis ven it may pe of 
 
 "Ja wohl" say der Herr Professor, as he sat 
 mit dem Herrn Breitmann in de Riese Tavern 
 in de Hofgasse of Innsbruck, before der on-the- 
 wall- painted portrait of Rainer the Tyroler 
 Musician who by Heine be-mentioned is 
 "ja wohl when I dink dot dis Hause to the 
 last of de crate race of Tyrolese Shiandts 
 pelonget have denn I veel a vild Historic 
 Durst me over-shteal, which me insbires his 
 healt to trink. fa ven we dink of de 
 Gigantes of Old, de Nephylim and Rephaim of 
 Genesis und Josua of der Og who was de 
 first person who efer tropt an H of Arba 
 45 
 
Hans Breitmann in 
 
 1 homo magiius inter Anakim] Pallas, Andro- 
 medas, Bohemus, Boiogero, Cormoran, und de 
 hundreds of more Collossi who have into deat 
 away ge-passed I wonder whet er de human 
 race inteed improvin is ? But forget not dot 
 efen here in dis fery town of Innsbruck known 
 of yore as Oenipontum dere lie be-buried, de 
 Shiants Haymon und Thyrsus dot is in de 
 Kirch of Wilten of whom dere is enough nar 
 rated a crate Buch to make. For in Thyrsus or 
 Turs, or Anglo-Saxon Thyrs, we hafe of de Norse 
 Jotun one of de cratest. Und I dink mineself 
 dot dis is de same as Durst or Thirst which 
 is de most enormous of German human bassions, 
 und vitch tower apofe all our oder Teutonic 
 faculties und endowments like a Catedral-Dom 
 apofe de liddle houser down pelow. Und Hay 
 mon, accordin to de Sympologists is from de 
 Hebrew Chayes or Life or Appetite dot is to 
 say Hunger soosh as we at noon exberience 
 when we Brativurst mit Sauerkraut, or Roost 
 Schinken mit Kartofel-Salat us pefore shmell 
 und berhabs a goot soup see. Und when dis de 
 Fall is, denn all de humanly race moost atmit 
 
. 
 
 Germany fyro/. 
 
 dot Haymon und Thyrs, or Hunger mit Durst, 
 were truly of all our German ancesdors de fery 
 cratest -ja sogar de noplest und de feinest 
 vellers ash nefer vas. 
 
 " Beople may say dot mit dem we are curst, 
 Boot dere s really no plessin s like Hunger und 
 
 Durst, 
 
 For wert not for dem vhen dey binch us sefere, 
 Ve d nefer want vittles nor call for our Bier : 
 Nor gare for a panquet, a shbree or a feast, 
 Und pe lower in fact dan de prutallest peast, 
 fa ve d nefer ged dipsy und dot peyond toubt 
 Ish too awful a dings to pe dinkin apout. 
 
 "Nun, gut in de yar 860 dere coined, ash some 
 say oop from Italy, but ash petter sources brove, 
 down der Rhine, a Deutscher giandt-nopleman, 
 dwelf foot, four inshes high. Und de monchs 
 cot holt of dis bully-big animal und benefolently 
 him, not into bacon boot unto Christianity con 
 verted. Und dey galled him HAYMON afder de 
 oldt Story of de Giant Hunger dot conquer 
 Averypodies. 
 
 " Now yoost a few miles afay in dem Obern 
 Innthal, dere lifed a sholly old Shiant named 
 47 
 
Hans Ereitmann In 
 
 Thurs, or Thurst dough he was nod as I 
 sospose de first, but of de name an inheritor 
 only. 
 
 " Veil den Honger der Christian und Durst 
 der Heathen, one mit anoder to squarrelin 
 gecome were, und as Haymon was only 35 
 yar //, poor olt Thyrs gekilt got. Von tay dey 
 met py de Seevelt, on a prook dot is yet called 
 de Thursenbach. Und de blood of Thyrs is yet 
 dere on de red shtones to pe seen. 
 
 " Denn it to bass corned dot Haymon dis 
 murder repentet dot is he hat an awful Katzen- 
 jammcr or hetache mit sorrow, afder extin- 
 guishin poor olt Durst. Howefer de monks a 
 goot way found it to work-off, und him useful to 
 make. 
 
 " Dey say to him, Herr von Haymon, here py 
 are de ruins of de oldt Roman city of Veldi- 
 dena. Subbose you go to work und a cloister 
 mit a church build denn you all dis treadful 
 murder will forgifen pe. So der Haymon he 
 coes at it, und de foorst ding he knowed he 
 boorsted into an old Roman vault in vitch a 
 mighdy Drack, or Dragon, vas house a-keepin ? . 
 
Germany Tyrol. 
 
 Denn dey had an awful fight rcmis vclisque 
 toot und nail schofel mit tongs ash is all in a 
 vearfully long boem tescriped dot reads as 
 rackin und ash rough ash a mountain-torrent 
 bett ven you use id for a foot-road. Now 
 Haymon de Brack gekilt, und puildet de 
 Kloster und died in de yar 878. Und dere vas 
 inscribet on his tomb an Epttaphium witch 
 abbear to hafe peen written in de same measure 
 und to de tune of 
 
 "A lofely Maid to gonfession came, 
 To a Friar von mornin 3 early. 
 
 Und dis is de Scription. 1 
 
 " EPITAPH. 
 
 "Ven a year und a tay had bassed away, 
 After de yar Eight-hundred ; 
 In Seventy-eight dot vas de date, 
 At Haymon s deat we wondered. 
 This hero pold, ash we are told, 
 Tid build in dis blace a cloister, 
 Gave his all tis drue, und serfed in id too, 
 Yet wouldt not pe its Master. 
 
 1 " Als Tag und Jahr verflossen war 
 Acht hundert schon verstrichen." 
 
 Inschrift dcs Bcgrab?risses. 
 49 D 
 
Hans Ereltmann in Germany. 
 
 Lived well till he died for Virtue tried, 
 All pride und fanity hoompled, 
 Boot anyhow he s not livin now, 
 Since indo dis grave he toombled. 
 Requiescat in Pace ! " 
 
 " rebly der Breitmann, "mine sympa 
 thies are radder more mit Olt Durst, or Thyrs, 
 dot der Hayman killed did Kellner noch cm 
 Glas f boot cnnihau dey were bote fine 
 Kerls 
 
 " All goot vellers I hafen t a toubt ; 
 Dis a bity de Race is tyin out. 
 
 Der Hayman abbears to hafe peen somedings 
 like der Sankt Christopher Well ! here s to 
 bot deir healt s und may deir shattows nefer 
 lesser crow ! Gott pless em ! " 
 
CHAPTER III. 
 
 ON DE HAPIT OF SHTARIN* AT STRANGERS DENN 
 
 ON TREATIN PEOPLE AS FOOLS UND ITS 
 
 CRATE DANGER. DE BALLADE OF NARR- 
 
 HANS L. 
 
 " Quum in aula venio 
 Gaudent omnes, et non ego ; 
 It is dreatful dings to see 
 Hou dey all do shtare at me." 
 
 LUMP VON GAUNER, A.D. 1306. 
 
 WAS it efer hoppen to de Reader in de coorse 
 of his happy or oonhappy life (I kess it is peen 
 a gemixture of de two) to come suttenly pefore 
 a cage vot condain two or tree dutzen Owls ? 
 He might hafe done dis ding vonce on de Peer 
 less Pier of Brighton vhere dere vas a mann vot 
 kept an Owlery. 
 
Hans Ereitmann in 
 
 Or vas der same Reader efer enter de preak- 
 fast-room of der Grand Hotel in Paris or any 
 oder such blace ven two or tree dutzend An 
 gular-Saxon beoples of all sorts und gonditions 
 were engaget in destroying tea mit toast, ecks 
 mit paeon, or cafe ? 
 
 In eider case der man moost have opserved 
 how all at vonce tree dozen pair dot is sixty- 
 four single eyes were all a-glarin ot him like he 
 vas an Eindringlichcr Storer a disturbin in 
 truder, as if to say, " Vot teufel pusiness you got 
 here ? " 
 
 Der crate artist und nofelist Du Maurier have 
 made a P//;^/z-bicture of a similar scene where 
 de travel-worn und half-sick people are comin 
 from de Channel shteampoat und de ladies und 
 gendlemen at Dover crowd round to stare at 
 dem ash dey com to land. 
 
 Dere is not so moosh of dis shbirit of oon- 
 provoked hosdilidy apparent in Deutschers or 
 Frenches pecause all dese beoples life so mush 
 in hotels, und mofe apout so moosh more all de 
 dimes in cafes or gartens, or in shmall dravellin , 
 dot de endrance of an unbeknown, suddenly, 
 52 
 
Germany Tyro/. 
 
 vhere dey are eatin , does not erstonish dem und 
 awake de veelin of tisturpance, und of peiii 1 
 wronged, dot all Englanders veel oonder de 
 circumstances. Acain der Englander himself 
 radder likes to coom in und pe gestared at und 
 holt oop his het poldly mit a sub-feelin , vitch if 
 developet vvouldt say : u You all go to Donncr 
 mit yourselfs, und shdare as moosh ash you tarn 
 blease ! " Dis is nod foolly ansgcsprochen or 
 ooterly ootered id ist only in petto but id 
 ish dcre. Id is a kind of excitin exhilaration 
 pattle yoost ash Gasscnjungc or shtreet poys 
 like to sling sass at von anoder ven dey meed, for 
 de sake of victory. 
 
 Now, on de oder hand, if a man pe a 
 Dcutschcr, und esbecially in some cornerland 
 vhere Touristic or English influences hafe nod 
 benetrated, und beople ist not as yed cultured 
 into incivilidy, or cifilized into boorishness 
 vhen dot man cooms indo a Kneip or cafe, or 
 sush dings, de beoples greets or salutes him mit 
 boliteness und vishes him a guten Appctit und 
 denn und dere dey do somedings to make him 
 vecl at home. Und if dot comer-in vas at vonce 
 53 
 
Hans Ereitmann in 
 
 to broseed to dell dem vot he had yoost seen 
 while a-comin or vhere he coomed from or 
 vot woonderful dings he efer met mit anyvhere 
 
 or norate a fairy-tale dis all von if id 
 
 bleased dem dey vould only like him all de 
 petter so dey got deir fun somehow. 
 
 Now as among Englisch beople dere is some 
 assemplies vot glare mit more fiendishness or 
 inimicality at intruders, und also some men vot 
 coom in mit a pigger headt of sass und cheek 
 
 on dan oders so, im Gcgcntheil, or on de 
 
 gontrary, dere are Deutsche assemplies ; specially 
 among rural folk ; who are more sympathetisch- 
 cifil dan oders vhen an unbeknown enders on de 
 Scene und also (as it oonderstands idself) some 
 men who ven dey come in to soosh assemplings 
 ei ! dis like de comin of a favouride actor on 
 de sdage averypody shmiles dere is a booz of 
 bleased Anticipating. . . . 
 
 Now I moost dell you dot der Breitmann vas 
 yoost von of dis ladder sort of vellers as nefer was 
 . . . dere pein in his whole exbression a sort of 
 Zcitgemiissigkeit vot insbire de veelin ash if he 
 had yoost com" 1 at de right time und nod (as mit 
 54 
 
Germany Tyrol. 
 
 de Englisch), ash if he had intrudet at de wrong 
 von. Und id coom to bass dot in de town of 
 Bingen in der Tyrol, he endered a Wirthshaus, 
 in de Stubc or puplic-room of vitch dere sot a 
 compagnie of resbecdaple beoples vot seem to pe 
 ungcmcin hcitcr, und dey greetet den Hans mit 
 so mooch genial consiteration dot he veel like 
 dey vas all affecdionate relations met to celeprate 
 his gebirth-day. 
 
 Now ven Hans had told dem all mitout mush 
 ceremonie vot his name vas, und vhere he 
 coomed from, mit so moosh of his Biographic as 
 might cheer de oldts und encorage de yungs 
 und inderest dem all connectively, he ashk 
 vhere dere vas a goot Herberg or lotchin- 
 house nod too egspensife a privat decent 
 blace. 
 
 Dereat de oldest inhapitant of de room sent 
 oud a poof of shmoke like ash von fires off a 
 bistol pefore de horses shtart in a race und 
 pegin : 
 
 "Dere ish a fery goot und ehrlichcr Mann 
 hier in Bingen dot hafe cot a shmall haus mit 
 tree Zimmer or goot rooms vot he let out 
 55 
 
Hans Breitmann in 
 
 sheap abcr Schad* 1 dis a bity dot you had 
 not coom dere ten yars sooner vhen dere vas 
 anoder wirth, und knowed vot a veller knowed 
 dot lived dere." 
 
 " Wie so how vas dot ? " inquire der Breit 
 mann, ash he refreshed himself mit anoder 
 glass of bier. 
 
 " Nun dis is de shtory : vot is all ash 
 drue ash several seven Bibels mit a Catechism 
 troun in. Zehn yars by gone, dere coom to 
 dot liddle Logis a Fr Binder a foreigner of some 
 sort Gott weiss was ! some dinked he vas a 
 Ungar, und some a Bohme, und some a 
 Roumanier but votefer he vas he had blenty 
 of money, und gueer fancies. Foorst he pay 
 to hafe all das Haus painted green mit his 
 bicture on it ... denn he cot a wood-carver 
 to make a Bild or a Image of a girl, vot 
 he had coloured like life and poot it a-looking 
 oud of der window shoost like dere vas a 
 gal dere mit a peautiful golden Haube or 
 
 cap fery wundervoll to pehold -ja und Gott 
 
 weiss was for wilde Grillen or sdrange fantasies 
 
 dot man didn t hafe. Und all de dime his 
 
 56 
 
Germany Tyrol. 
 
 landlordt dink he was a Narr or a fool, 
 und say Ja to averyding, und make him 
 bay dwice as moosh ash he ought to for his 
 Id ecu. 
 
 "Nun, gut! von tay der Hausgcnoss or 
 lodger say to der Wirth dot he moost hafe de 
 whole house to himself for von mont , pecause 
 he always bass dot dime efery yar in prayer und 
 fastin all allcin, und dot he pray all night long 
 on de bare ground, in de keller, cordin to de 
 rites of his holy religion. 
 
 " Denn der landlord knew der Mann was a 
 heat en vot foller de old soaperstition of de 
 Hexen or witches, vot always maken deir 
 brayers to de Spirits in Kellers, or in deep 
 caverns, und all soosh Larifari und Unsinn, und 
 nonsents. Howefer, so long as it payed money, 
 der landlort was always ready in Jcmandes 
 Horn zu blasen to join in mit any man s 
 melodic. So he rentet das Haus for dree dimes 
 more ash id was right to bay und he laugh 
 mit hi? friendts over dis Dummkopf of a man. 
 Und dey watch de lodger, but all dey opserfe 
 vas dat he seemed, as de sayin is, to go 
 57 
 
Hans Ereltmann in 
 
 " Friih mit den Hiihnern zu Bette, 
 Auf mit dem Hahn um die Wette." 
 
 [Early to Bett mit de hen, 
 Und rise mit de cock again.] 
 
 " Boot dis Duminkopf, ash dey dinked him 
 knew wie man sein Schdfchcn ins Trocknc 
 bringen soil how to keep his sheeps dry, 
 better dan he seemed to understand. Ja und 
 he ver stand die Passaucr Kimst he hafe 
 learned de trick of Passau dot is to keep 
 himself safe from all loss or harm." 
 
 "How was dot?" inquire der Breitmann. 
 
 " In de old dimes," reblied de ancient 
 Inhabitant, " dot vas in de tays of King Olim 
 dere vere Men who knew how sich hieb-stich- 
 und kugclfcst zu machen how to guard dem- 
 selfs from cut, stab, or gun-pullets, und beople 
 still say so of a veller dot knows how to dake 
 goot care of himself. 
 
 " Nwi) gut pefore de mont vas oop, der 
 Mann vanisht but no von minded it, pecause 
 he had paid his rents in advance und made de 
 landlord shwear nod to tisturb him. So de 
 
Germany Tyro/. 
 
 time flowed py, und ven de Monat vas oop, dey 
 boorst open de door and vot you dink dey 
 found?" 
 
 "Ja was ivar^s ? " 
 
 4 Dey found an iron Kisf altgothisch fery 
 fine of ids kind, in der keller. Und de ground 
 had been digged all out efer so teep. Under de 
 kist dere vos a script vot say : 
 
 " * MINE TEAR LANDLORD, 
 
 " I am a man whose ancestors vonce 
 owned dis Haus. Among de familie parch- 
 mends I found von four hundred yar oldt, vot 
 tell how mine ur ur ur ^ross-grandfater hafe 
 gepuried hier an enormous Schatz of Gold. 
 Not to hafe any law-suits or sharin de money 
 mit you, or any droples, I yoost took das Hans 
 for a month witch gife me all de rights as de 
 lawyers will dell you. 
 
 " I hafe digged oop dis Schatz und found it 
 was more ash a pushel of gold coins mit oder 
 dings of value beyont all gomputation. I 
 vould hafe gifen you some of dis mit bleasure, 
 or enof to make you rich but I learn dat you 
 $9 
 
Hans Breitmann in 
 
 hafe ofercharge me for de rent pecause you 
 dinked I vas a fool, und laugh at me mit 
 Averypodies. Derefore I leave you, zum 
 Andcnkcn, dis iron kist to keep your monies 
 in. 
 
 " Your Friend, 
 
 "<DER FOOL. 
 
 " Dot was all dey found except two or tree 
 old gold monies lyin apout. Und der mys- 
 derious Stranger nefer shined no more in dis 
 city." 
 
 " Dat shdory," remark der Breitmann, " ist 
 like de lizards vot somedimes hafe two tails it 
 has two Morals after id. De foost ist, dot it is 
 fery unbleasant to lose a ding efen if we tid not 
 know we had id. Segondly He laughs pest 
 who laughs de last like der veller tid vot cot 
 afay mit dem Gelt. Und on dop of dis I add 
 dot you had alvays petter dink dwice before 
 you make fun of a fool. For avery fool has 
 four dimes as much mischief in him, und ten 
 dimes more refenge dan a wise man, und derfore 
 he is fourdeen dimes more likely to pay you 
 60 
 
Germany Tyrol. 
 
 oop und hafe it out on you. Let os 
 trink ! " 
 
 "Ja," reply a yung man dot look like a 
 Student " Hilte Dich vor Narren peware of 
 fools is an oldt proferb. Truly it would hafe 
 peen goot for de gendlemen of der Town 
 Council of Munich vonce oopon a dimes, if 
 dey had minded it." 
 
 " Vot vas dot for a story ? " 
 
 " Nutij it is a song, und mit your honouraple 
 permission I will sing it." 
 
 Der Student dook down a guitar dot hanged 
 on de window- side, und afder doonin de 
 shtrings, sang mit a goot voice de Ballad of 
 
 NARR-HANS L. 
 
 Oh ! Munich is a merry town tis writ py many a 
 
 pen 
 Und all its City-Councillors are wtmd rous merry 
 
 men, 
 Und vhen dey meet for panketting, to refel or to 
 
 sing: 
 From de Rathshaus to der Frauenkirch, you hear die 
 
 Music ring. 
 
 61 
 
Hans Ereitmann in 
 
 Und afery von hafe got a Squire dot on his Master wait, 
 To fill his beaker oop mit wein, or change or fill his 
 
 plate, 
 
 Und it always was expected like de chorus to a song 
 He moost laugh at all his masder s yokes und help de 
 
 fun along. 
 
 Now, von of dese attendants vas an odd fantastic 
 wight, 
 
 You saw id in his features dot Someding vasn t right. 
 
 An anxious-solemn countenance mit sorrow inter- 
 wrought 
 
 Like von who knows he s crazy-queer, und doesn t 
 like de tought. 
 
 And if de beople vext him ven he d had a little trink, 
 He vouldt rave und gry de maddest dings dot mordal 
 
 man could dink ; 
 Und shkreem, und weep und peg dem all for mercy 
 
 in his pain ; 
 Which make folk roar mit laughter, und pegin to 
 
 tease again. 
 
 Dey called him der Narr-Hans l dot is Jack 
 
 Lunatic, 
 Und all de Herrs resolfe von tay to blay dis Mann a 
 
 drick, 
 So dey maket him eat a herring till he almost die mit 
 
 Durst, 
 Und denn gave him Wein to squench it but dot vas 
 
 not de worst. 
 
 62 
 
Germany Tyrol. 
 
 For der Wein was all preparet mit pepper for a trick, 
 
 Also mit medecine vot maket him deadly sick, 
 
 So dot he tantz apout mit pain und many a mad 
 
 grimace ; 
 It maket de noble gentlemen all roar to see his face. 
 
 Nun, gilt de fun was ofer und das Ding was half 
 
 forgot, 
 Und acain dere vas a Panket held all in dot merry 
 
 shpot, 
 Und all pecause Narr-Hans l mak t soosh fun vhen 
 
 last dey dine, 
 Dey have him for der Kellner or de Master of der 
 
 Wein. 
 
 De Musik roared in merriment ; dere all was Saus 
 
 und Braus, 
 Till der Chair-man gave das Wort Schcnk ein ! " 
 
 und denn de sign " Trink atis /" 
 Now dis was at de Ende vhen efery present Man 
 Must trink de Supernaculum dot is trink out his 
 
 Can 
 
 To a drop oopon his dum-nail nor leafe pehind a 
 
 rest, 
 Und der Wein for dis last trinkin was of de fery 
 
 pest, 
 
 Avery coop-ful cost a florin, of dot dere vas no doubt, 
 It glow like golden Sonnlight vhen Narr-Hans l poured 
 
 id out. 
 
Hans Ereitmann in Germany. 
 
 Hei ! Vot can pe de Matter mit dem nople 
 President ? 
 
 Dot he look so pale as ashes und extremely dis 
 content ? 
 
 Und now he s fallin backwards in deadly agonie ! 
 
 And now by Gott ! de oders are all ash ill ash he 1 
 
 Hei ! Vot can pe de Matter mit Narr-Hans l ? Troo 
 
 it all, 
 He is laughin he is shkreemin he is tantzin in de 
 
 holl, 
 
 He is changed indo a teufel he make a comic sigh, 
 Und he blay upon de cittern ash he see de Herren 
 
 die! 
 
 Dere are four-and-twendy tead Men a lyin in de 
 
 room ; 
 
 De tapers burnin lowly ail fadin into gloom ; 
 De Waiters mit der Musik have all in Terror fled, 
 Da sitzet der Narr-Hans l a-singin to de Tead ! 
 
 A-singin wailin ditties all in de wildest strain, 
 
 How dey poison him mit Pepper und he poison dem 
 
 acain, 
 Till he shkreems : " It all is ofer und der Wein is of 
 
 de pest " 
 
 He trinkt a votten Becker -he is lyin mit de rest. 
 
CHAPTER IV. 
 
 WHY DE GERMAN TOURISTS DO TELESCOPES CARRY. 
 DE YANKEE GALS MIT A SPY-GLASS UND VOT 
 DEY SAW ! DE BALLAD OF KATRINA BAUER 
 WHO DE PROFESSOR KILLED. 
 
 "And there a man mit a sphyglass fery interestin 
 tiscoveries can make." HEINRICH HEINE, Reiseb- 
 bilder. 
 
 VON of de dings dot Hans Breitmann shbeedily 
 opserfe in Tyrol, was dat afery Sherman tourist 
 alfays garry mit him a Fern-rohr ; dot is a 
 tallow-scoop, or opera-glass, dot hang py his site 
 from a shtrop ofer his shoulter. Der Englander 
 hafe one, somedimes, der Frantschman occasion 
 ally, der Italiener now und denn but der 
 Deutscher immcr und invariaply. 
 
 Von efenin dere vas a Barty of travellers, 
 6=; E 
 
Hans Ereitmann in 
 
 German, sowie English und Mericans, all ge- 
 sembled togeder in der Goldcne Adler, vitch is 
 de oldst Guest-haus in Innsbruck I guess as nefer 
 vas, like de Drei Mohren in Augsberg, vitch is 
 a tausend yar oldt, vere de Crusaders used to 
 poot oop. Und in dis Golden Adler, der Goethe 
 und der Heinrich Heine, mit seferal oder Empe 
 rors und Kings eider in Literature or Geography, 
 hafe gewoned. Und right opposite ist de Otto- 
 burg, built by Otto, der Duke of Andechs in 1234, 
 on vitch you may readt : 
 
 tie flDttoburg: Dot* gtanti, 
 8L ^ou0e ooptjelt m d5otteg Ijaulu" 
 
 Now de gompany vas ask vy de Deutsche 
 Touristen alvays garry opera-classes. Und der 
 Breitmann shbeak dus : 
 
 " De reason for dis uncessant telescoping ; I 
 kess ; is dot der Deutscher is nefer sotisfyed mit 
 vot de eye dake in naturally, or mit de peautiful 
 scenery vot he can sec - he alfays vant to 
 pehold dot vitch is not risible und crasp de 
 unforeseen Infinite. If he hafe in sight a moun- 
 dain, mit cloudts a vlyin ofer its snowy soomit 
 66 
 
Germany Tyrol. 
 
 like treams of yout ofer de het of an old man 
 shleepin und foaming dorrents rooshing doun 
 its site, like vite silfer stripes down de green 
 robe of an old Irish bard derm der Deutscher 
 vouldn t dink he hafe seen dot moundain at all 
 ketneswegS) or no-ways, oonles he desgry mit 
 de outmoost persbicacity all de stocks und steins, 
 und dings, all ofer de Gcbirge, und dis he gall 
 * accurat perception. Dus he carry a kind of 
 pusiness-like habit indo all his art, und mit all 
 his transcendentalism he vas alfays forget in 
 studyin die Xatur dot half its peauty ist in 
 opscuridy. 
 
 " Dis carryin de opera-classes und also dis seem 
 dings a goot vay off, dot it vas yoost as veil to 
 leave unvisipLe ; likevise dis unconsistent vant 
 of logic ; poot me mineself in mindt of de 
 daughters of old Jacop Spraker a Dootchman- 
 Hollander-New Yorker, vot life vonce oopon a 
 dimes on de Mohawk Reservation on de Hudson 
 river apofe Alpany. 
 
 "Von day der Spraker coom before der magis 
 trate, und maket a crate moral gomplaint dot 
 dere vas some unbrinciplet und shamelos yoong 
 
Hans Breitmann in 
 
 vellers, vot afery afternoon bathe und schwim in 
 der rifer, mitout any dings on demselfs, rite in 
 fool view of his taughter s vindows, und dot dis 
 shkandalous spekdagle was fery moosh offend de 
 motesty of de young laties. 
 
 u Der magistrat make inquiry of de beoples 
 vot coomed for vitnesses, und found oud dot de 
 blace vhere de yoong men bathed was a mile off 
 from der Spraker his house. 
 
 " How der teufel denn, ashk der official, 
 can dis trople your taughters, ven dey gannot 
 dell, a mile off, vot dings vas fisciple in der 
 rifer ? 
 
 " W & r y der Spraker < boot mine gals has 
 cot a pig delescope. 
 
 " Veil, rebly der magisdrate : "I kess if dey 
 vould do mitout dot delescope dey wouldt see 
 yoost apout so moosh ash vas goot for dem. 
 
 " Und dis ist ash drue for der Deutscher, und 
 not de tourist alone, boot de whole breeds of dem 
 in sheneral dot dey would see yoost as moosh 
 ash dey needs of Natur, or life, or de Peaudiful, 
 mitout alfays a-telescopin into averyding. Dere 
 vas poets und ardists in de olden dime, vot hadn t 
 68 
 
Germany Tyrol. 
 
 any fieldt, or opera-classes, dot see a goot deal 
 more in Natur dan de modern Deutschers do 
 mit all deir spyin -tubes or far-pipes. 
 
 "Und dis lesson is goot not for Deutschers 
 alone, boot for any oder man, pe he a Sprecher 
 or a Spraker, or a Hollander for ash de Ameri 
 can Moral-Humourist opserved : I do not care if 
 he pe an Amsterdam Dutchman a Rotterdam 
 Dutchman or any oder d m Dutchman 
 pecause I shbeak of de whole human races. 
 
 " Boot id ist also vort noticin dat dis habit 
 vot de Deutschers hafe cot, of alfays siickin und 
 searchin for de Unerreichbar or Oonattainaple und 
 de Mysderios, and all de Infinightly opscurious 
 dings, make it coom to bass dot dey also dake in 
 de Serious mit de Comic, und de Sooplime mit 
 de Genial -gemcin or jolly-common, in a vay dat 
 nopody else in de vorldt ever dinked of, und vot 
 no oder beoples can verstehn, but vitch coom yoost 
 ash natural to a Deutscher ash beer mit Prdtzels. 
 Und vot is more," gontinue der Breitmann, ash 
 he glicked de Deckel of his mug as a sign to de 
 maid to pring some more Pilsener " dis ding 
 enders into de life of de German, und id hoppen 
 
 . 
 
Hans Breitmann in 
 
 do him alleweil ; all de dime ; like it hoppened 
 to Nopody Else ash befel de Katrina Bauer ven 
 she fell indo de keller." 
 
 Here dere vas a general oudgry for de story. 
 But der Breitmann dell dem id vas a song-tale or 
 a ballade. Und virst he maket a Vorrede, or 
 preamble, at a fast trot, dusly : 
 
 a You all know mine tear frents dot id ist a 
 holy oldt gusdom in Germany, on de efenin 
 pefore beople kits married, to holdt de sacred 
 Polterabend, ven dey makes a row und kicks 
 der teufel oop. Denn de folk kit togedder a lot 
 of crockery-pots, or Topfe, soosh as Kriigc, eart en 
 Gescliirr, Theetischzeug or tea-dings, Kanncn und 
 Becker vitch is moogs und yoogs, coffee-pods, 
 Bier-canonc, jars, pottles, flagons, noggins, dank- 
 ards, bitchers, pibkins, long jorums, vot Nort 
 Deutschers gall Jimgfers, or maidens mosdly 
 crocks of de sheapest und most ineffecdual kind 
 soosh as is crocked alreadty." 
 
 Dis vas a bun, so de gompany all laugh 
 bolitely. 
 
 " Dey kits de sheapest kind, pecause dese 
 dings are only pought to be gebroken. Denn 
 
 A 
 
Germany Tyrol. 
 
 dey makes a Tcufel of a hurly-purly shindy, und 
 smoshes de grockery mit grys of Hei da ! hep / 
 yup ! hoora ! und dis dey gall poltern. Und in 
 de Elsass de Frantscher hafe de same gustom, 
 und dey sings a pallad of de olden dime : 
 
 Ohe ! les petits agneaux ! 
 Ohe ! les petits agneaux ! 
 Qui est ce qui caisse les verres ? 
 Qui est ce qui brise les pots ? 
 
 Und de Deutschers sings too, for dere is a whole 
 fasciculus or garland, or KRANTZ of dese lyrics, 
 and I mineself hafe gontribute dis ballad to de 
 total conglomeration." 
 
 Denn der Herr Schwackenhammer, who vas a 
 fery goot Clavier spieler, sot doun ad de biano, 
 und improfise a companiment, while der Breit- 
 mann sing in a teep brumm-basso vitch sountet 
 like pumple-pees insite a drum : 
 
 DE BALLAD OF KATRINA BAUER. 
 
 Mit juch hei da / und hop sa so / 
 Am Potter abend wir war en froh, 
 For denn mit shticks so merry vere ve, 
 A-smashin all de grockery. 
 
 71 
 
Mans Breitmann in 
 
 Wir soffen Bier und Brannteivein, 
 Wir schmissen alle de Fenster ein j 
 Dot means ve trinked de beer und gin ; 
 Und smashed de vinders outside-in. 
 
 Mit " Hdgele ! Krdgele ! Socker lot ! " 
 Katrina Bauer she proked a pot, 
 She proke de lid mit a hickory svitch, 
 Und call de bitcher " a son of a witch ! " 
 
 Dere vas a Russian noble, vitch, 
 His name vas Mikel Sonnenovitch ; 
 He dink Katrina call his name, 
 Und sofdly shmile oopon de same. 
 
 Und he sighed : " O Maiden fair to see ! 
 Might I boot valtz a dantz mit dee ! " 
 Katrin foorst smash anoder pot ; 
 Denn like der Teufel off dey shot. 
 
 Dey tantz so hard, dey tantz so sore, 
 Katrina boorst a hole troo de vloor, 
 She tantz so hard mit der Russian veller, 
 Dot bote her leeks shdick down in de Keller 
 
 Now ven der Russe look dereon, 
 
 Und see Katrina yoost half-gone, 
 
 Nod to let de casion shlip, 
 
 He shtoop d und shtole a giss from her lip. 
 
 72 
 
Germany Tyrol. 
 
 Now underneat dis Stunrf und roar, 
 Dere sot a Deutsche Professor, 
 Ven Katrina s feets coom doun on his het, 
 Id shkared him so id kilt him tead ! 
 
 All mit himself in de silendt night, 
 Dat lonely Student berish mit fright, 
 I know not if he die mit fits, 
 Or dink he vas schlag mit donderblitz ! 
 
 Now a man may pe bote crate und vise, 
 Und fool of learnin oop to de eyes, 
 Boot py shingo ! id is more dan he can shtand 
 If a gal on dop of his het shouldt land. 
 
 So id goes in dis life In numper Von 
 Dere is ofden noding boot shkreemin fun ; 
 Vile in de next und dot is true, 
 Dere is Deaf mit derror, und all look plue 
 Und ofden a gal connect de dwo ! 
 
 Dereoopon dere vas a Klatschen or clopping of 
 hands in uploudment of dis song, und von who 
 vas bresent say : 
 
 " De idea of Katrina bein gissed in roptures 
 oop apove, vhile she ruptures de het of de 
 professor toun-shdairs pelow mit her feets, is vot 
 
 is called py der Rhetoricus an anti-thesis " 
 
 73 
 
Hans Ereitmann in Germany. 
 
 " I shouldt rader say," rebly der Breitmann, 
 " dot in dis case id vas an anti-/odfe,s, since dere 
 vas a Fuss apout it." 
 
 " Halt dere ! " gry de oder man. " Afder 
 dot, I gife in und shtand trinks all roundt. 
 Du Marie ! dwelf glasses mit cigars ! " 
 
 Und dey all trink to de healt of der Breit 
 mann. 
 
CHAPTER V. 
 
 OF DE TOUN OF HALL, WITCH IS ALL PF-SALTED. 
 HOW DER BREITMANN THIRSDY GOT, UND 
 MADE LOFE TO DE PEAUDIFUL BEER GIRL. 
 DE SHT.ORY OF GEORG*L, UND DE WONDERFUL 
 BALLADE OF DER GOAT MIT DER SHPOON. 
 
 " Bacchus is ever to Venus dear, 
 For to set men to loving there s nothing like Beer." 
 Inscription in a Beer House in Heidelberg. 
 
 Now ven der Breitmann had beseeked und 
 exblored de sights of Innsbruck, und seen all ids 
 brincipal institudions vitch consist of de two 
 rows of pronze statues in de Catedral mit Hofer s 
 monument, das Museum, de Ambroser Samm- 
 lung vhere dey almost make more droples to 
 see de dings mit dree ciceroni dan de show is 
 wort, und de peautiful und vine Tiroler Hof 
 Hotel of Herr Landsee (vitch is de pestest in all 
 75 
 
Hans Breitmann in 
 
 Austria), vhere der Breitmann lifed und wrote 
 dis Buch, mit great gomfort und content, in a 
 Strudel or Maelstrom or whirlpool gomposed of 
 shwarms of Englisch und Merican tourists, all 
 a goin und comin at vonce remindin Hans of 
 a Milhlgerinne or mill-race dot he vonce see in 
 America, vot consisd of dwo shtreams, von 
 runnin von vay und de oder anoder, owin to 
 de powerfoolness of de eddy ! 
 
 Ven der Breitmann, ash I said, hat under- 
 seeked, or exblored, all dese mysderies, und 
 made a Serie Qianalytische-chemische, or analytic- 
 comical experiments mit test glasses, (vitch hold 
 from a pint to a quart each), vitch result in de 
 proof dot das Bier vas so goot ash Pilsener, 
 denn he tooked his Alpenstock und Ranzel or 
 knopsack, und vander all apout de land, to 
 Berg-Isel, und Hall. Und ash he squander troo 
 de lanes of dis pictureish andiquarian city, he 
 pecame aware dot a derriple Durst vas shdealin 
 all ofer his foculties vot make him ash dry as 
 de dust in July or as a pone or a baked 
 mummy or a hot brick or a brush-maker 
 ven yoost ash his " sooferins pecame indoleraple 
 
 j T 
 
Germany T yroL 
 
 und vere no longer to pe endured," ash an 
 American president vonce set in a Message, he 
 peheld a Bier-garten und rooshin in, cryed for a 
 doppelt pig glass. 
 
 Vitch ven he had sch wallowed, Hans say to 
 de fery nice gal vot prought de infusion of malts 
 und hops : 
 
 " Frdulein vot vas dot last remark I maket 
 to you ? " 
 
 De madchen Idchell mit a shmile und ansver : 
 
 " Herr you saidt : Bring me a dopple-glass 
 of beer!" 
 
 " Dot vas it," rebly der Breitmann. " Keep a / 
 
 pringin dem. Successifely ! " 
 
 De gal she prought von Mass of beer after 
 anoder so fast dot she lookt like a procession 
 goin und comin , und der Hans empdy dem like 
 he vas carryin out a gontract to fill a fish-pond 
 on time. Py und py he says : 
 
 " Holt oop for a minute pefore I boost und 
 dell me vot in name of de dry kings of Cologne 
 id is dot maket me so dirsty so sooner ash im- 
 mediadely ven I ender dis state of Hall, or Hell, 
 or votefer you call id ! " 
 77 
 
Hans Ereitmann in 
 
 "Ja, Herr" rebly de bier-maid, " Wissens net ? 
 dot come from das Saltz where mit all die air, 
 und aferydingt here ish imbregnatet. Und ash 
 I vas teacht in de school, so ash to dell de out- 
 landers und Fremders vot coom here, de fery 
 name of the toun idself is Salt pecause accordin 
 to de Tyroler historian, der fenerable Beda Weber, 
 id cooms from de Greek aide vot means Salt, 
 vot vas brought from de Saline or salz-mines, 
 vot is annerthalb Stund, or von und a half hour 
 from here, dot costet fordy kreutzers to pehold. 
 De drip affort nod only a sight of de Werks und 
 grystal grottoes, ganz wunderbar to admire, so 
 vine ash nefer vas, but also of romandic scenery 
 mit climpses of de Speckahr, Bettelwurf, Nissel- 
 spitz und Schlingelschurkenspitzbubenschelmen- 
 Alpe. Oja, gewz ss f Demi dey pring de saltz 
 here indo de city, mit de moral result dot de 
 men are all as brackish ash brine und de women 
 ash salt as Lot s wife. O ja, gcwiss ! Efen in 
 de gonfersation of de gommon beople dere is 
 somedings salty und racy, und bitin , und spicy, 
 mit a bungency oonlike of oder folks. O ja 
 gewiss ! Daher kommt cs, dence it resoolts all 
 
 78 
 
Germany Tyrol. 
 
 from de Saltz, dot der Hallers hafe all cot soosh 
 a loose-speechfulness und ready tongueful-hood 
 dot any von of dem in flicsscndcn und toncnden 
 Anscinandersetznngen crgeht ilber Dingc pours 
 fort his soul in torrent-like und loud teliferies 
 ofer any dings at all, vedder he oonderstand dem 
 or nod. O ja, gcwiss ! " 
 
 " All dot," say der Breitmann, " I do stet- 
 fastly peliefe ; hafin de broofs pefore mine eyes, 
 und esbecially hearin dem in mine ears from 
 you/ 
 
 Now de Madchen vas so inshbired und be- 
 geistcrt und corried avay mit her own oradory, 
 dot she oonconsciously press oop to der site of 
 der Breitmann, who ash undinkingly helt her 
 py de hand to rebress her shweepin Gcbcrdc, or 
 wavin gesdures. Boot de fair orator not tendin 
 to dis restraindt, vent on in full swing mit good 
 elpow-room und a wide berth, free ash air und 
 out of harness, as if her tongue vas all un 
 buttoned, unconfined, unchecked, unprefented, 
 unhindered, unopsdructered, uncontdrolled, un- 
 trammeled, unsubject, ungoferned, unenslaved, 
 emancipatet, unentralled, unreined, unpridled, 
 79 
 
Hans Breitmann in 
 
 uncurbed, unmuzzled, mit efer so many more 
 uns and synonymes, vitch brove how crately de 
 spiridt of de English language ist gifen to 
 freedom dere pein more vordts in it vot exbress 
 Liberty and Ease dan in all de oder languashes 
 as nefer vas put togedder. Und de peautiful 
 eloquentional improvisator e diffused as vollows : 
 " O ja, gewiss. De Saltz works is our crate 
 industry, boot de peauty of our toun is our chief 
 pride. Pilt oopon a hill-site, de shdreets forms 
 a bicturesque compination of rural roats mit 
 mittle-elderly Gasscn or lanes, vot is faried mit 
 oonexpegted ascensions und descents. O ja, 
 gewiss ! From wide off de eye is verhaftet dot 
 is arrestet, or morally interestet, py a Gotic tower 
 mit a red roof, und de griinish copper cuppelas of 
 de Catedral vot vas pilt in one tousand zeven 
 hundert-ein-und siebenzig, vot shouldt receive 
 bewondering for de sake of ids vine Gotic 
 pordal its quaind relics ids kloster vot vonce 
 surroundet de campo santo dot now obens on 
 de ottroctife middle-efil walls of de Rathaus ! 
 
 De maid vas so cntftihrct or carriet afay mit 
 80 
 
Germany fyro/. 
 
 her own oradory imd de peauty of Hall, dot she 
 nefer nodice dot de shtalwardt arm of her 
 auditor hafe vound idself round her bodice, und 
 dot he peared to pe more apsorpet in her own 
 peaudies dan in dose of de cidy. Boot dere vas 
 nopody in de garten yoost den vitch is a cir- 
 coomstonts vot ofden maket a crate teel of tiffer- 
 ence in many moral conjunctures . . . und id 
 vas rader mit a shmile dann a cross dat dis 
 Hebe opserve vot had daken blace during her 
 obsence of mindt. 
 
 So dot ven der Breitmann sofdly vispert : 
 "Gib mir cmol a Busserl?" (" Gife me a 
 giss ?")... de gal glantz all roundt to see dat 
 neider de oldt voman nor any oder man vas. 
 looking und denn rebly : 
 
 " Oja, gewtss" 
 
 # * V * 
 
 Oj Seeligkeit / . . . O Wonnc / . . . Vot 
 dings id ish to pe a Lofer ! 
 
 t * * * 
 
 Dere vas a Maiden fair und yung, 
 Who s soul vas like a shtar ; 
 A Sorcerer feller corned along 
 Und shanged her to guitar : 
 
 8l v 
 
Hans Ereitmann in 
 
 Und ach ! vot wild und wunder dings 
 Troo all de Seele vent, 
 
 Vhen foorst mine fingers shwept de shtrings 
 Of dot strange Insdrument ! 
 
 For in dot Musik of de Shpears 
 
 Vas more ash Melodic, 
 
 Und ach ! de Sound dot vill mein soul, 
 
 Vas more as Song to me ; 
 
 For more as Musik s last exdreme 
 
 Vas in dot tune I wot, 
 
 Und more ash Voice in deepest Tream 
 
 Vas in de Song, bei Gott ! 
 
 Und ven dy Form oh Abend- Shtar ! 
 Undo mine Hearts I shdrain, 
 Id seemt to me dot dot Guitar 
 Hafe got be-girled acain ! 
 Und dot de Girl be-angeld is 
 Mit seraph-cherroops efen ; 
 Und Averydings in berfect pliss, 
 Is ropt afay to Heafen. 
 
 Und ven ve giss, mein shbirit vlies 
 
 To Triiume far apove. 
 
 For dein are more dan mordal eyes, 
 
 Und dis is more ash Lofe ! 
 
 For he who trinks as I hofe trinked 
 
 Das Bier ist more ash Wein ; 
 
 Und he who dinks vot I hofe dinkecl, 
 
 His Lofe pecomes difine ! 
 
Germany Tyrol. 
 
 Und yet wider . . . in de hoppy Tream. 
 
 LONG, LONG AGO. 
 Ven de pirds were singin 
 To de Summer preeze ; 
 Und de buds were flingin 3 
 Perfume from de trees : 
 Hei da ri de ! 
 Hei da ri do ! 
 
 I sat py my Lofe so fair und gay, 
 
 All in de wood one Summer tay, 
 
 Und ach / wir warn so fro. 
 
 We sang oldt songs togedder, 
 
 Songs of de merry dime ; 
 Und leicht ash any fedder 
 We maket full many a Reim, 
 Hei dari de ! 
 Hei, da, ri latin ! 
 Unto a lute we sang dis Lay, 
 Und so we passed de live-long Tay 
 Undil de Sonn went doun. 
 
 For efery song we pfluckt a Flower 
 
 Und trowed it in de Grass ; 
 So you mighdt count before de bower, 
 How many a lay dere was, 
 Hei da, ri-dc ! 
 Hei da, ri-del ! 
 
 Yed reckonet petter shdill dan dis, 
 For to each ferse we put a kiss, 
 Und kept de Count full well. 
 83 
 
Hans Breitmann in 
 
 We sang oldt songs togedder, 
 Of Loves long bassed away ; 
 All in de bleasant vvedder, 
 Ash on de grass we lay : 
 Hei da, ri d ! 
 Hei da, ri dcin ! 
 No more can I rememper yet 
 What I recall I ll ne er forget 
 So long ash life is mein ! 
 
 Denn der Breitmann wander onwarts troo de 
 wood lands troo de valleys in de early mornin 
 Sonny-shine ven de rosy light tippet de Schnow 
 on de Alpen, or in de darklin efenin ven de last 
 rays on deir drementous heights seemet like 
 Wachfcuer or Peacon-fires on dops of mighdy 
 towers. Ja he ging ober Feld und Thai field t 
 und dale, vale und dingle where de Dickets 
 crow, slade und glade where rifulet waters flow, 
 groves und rocky alcoves, mit deir shade 
 caverns and taverns all mit shiftin scenes on 
 all of vitch de awfool moundain-beaks look doun 
 like magisdrates a vatchin de communidy und 
 seem dot id pehave demselfs. 
 
 Und dere is druly, yosst ofer Innsbruck von of 
 dese beaks vot hafe de ripudation to keep a vatch 
 on dings in sheneral, und dis is die Frau Hutt, 
 84 
 
Germany Tyro/. 
 
 vitch is a shigontic mount crowned mit a vasd 
 rock vitch has de shape of an Amme, or Noorse 
 mit a shild in her lop. To pe sure id looks yoost 
 ash moosh like an old man readin a pook, or any 
 ding else de same as de face on Mont Blanc vot 
 you sees from Geneva has a shdartlin likeness to 
 Hans Breitmann, or Dietrich of Bern or any oder 
 crate man vot hafe a long peard but dis is vot de 
 Innsbruckers who bossessed de ardicle since for- 
 efer, say it is und de Legende is ash follows : 
 
 FRAU HUTT. 
 Ere man s deets vere writ in shtory, 
 
 Und vhile all vas wild und grand, 
 Denn die Shiants ruled in glorie, 
 
 Ober all dis Alpen land, 
 Troo de Nord vere er de Teuton 
 
 Shbread abroad his mighdy soul ; 
 Like de medeors, Himmel shootin 
 
 Und deir Hauptland vas Tyrol ! 
 Dey fited und dey drank hard, 
 
 Und dey lived in roarin sin, 
 Undil py and py dey conquered 
 
 All de Valley of de Inn : 
 Dere vas joy among de winners, 
 
 Und a spree mit merry shouts ; 
 Boot a-veepin mong de Inners, 
 
 Ven dey found demselfs de Outs. 
 
 85 
 
Hans Breitmann in 
 
 Now de Queen of dese wild victors, 
 
 Vas benamed de Lady Hiitt ; 
 Und id seem from Legend s bictures 
 
 She had peauty, grace und wit, 
 Mit de power of fastination, 
 
 So dat afery hearts vas crackt, 
 Ven she coom dat operation 
 
 Vot de Deutsch call Zaubermacht. 
 
 Und dere oopon dem moundain, 
 
 She eruct a palace grand, 
 All oder piles surmountin 
 
 In dis fair Tyroler land ; 
 Dere in wild luxuriation, 
 
 Mit her lovers bold and free, 
 Dis crate Sovereign of de nation 
 
 Lived in von dremendous spree. 
 
 Nefer carin for de beoples, 
 
 Mit deir sofferins und woe ; 
 Any more dan Clocks in shdeeples 
 
 Care for dings far down pelow. 
 Dose who nefer gare a copper, 
 
 Lettin veller-beins pass, 
 Dey some tay may come a cropper 
 
 Over-het, und go to grass ! 
 
 So it vas mit dis fair Riesin, 
 
 Who mit all her witchery, 
 Only endet py disbleasin 
 
 Von who had more might dan she ; 
 86 
 
Germany Tyrol. 
 
 Von dremendous on de Moral, 
 In de Goot and Virduous line ; 
 
 Und de endin of deir squarrel, 
 Vas he toorned her indo Stein. 
 
 All her lofers denn he hardens 
 
 Indo crate dremendous blocks, 
 Und her lofely Rosen-gardens 
 
 Shanged to tismal parren rocks ; 
 Dere in shtone you see her sittin , 
 
 Efer since de Long-ago, 
 Lookin at de seasons flittin 
 
 O er de valley doun pelow. 
 
 So de fleecy cloudts of mornin 
 
 Come a-sailin o er her het, 
 Und de Abendroth adornin , 
 
 All its glorie round her shet ; 
 But de Man ist gone forever 
 
 Vot in early dimes she s known, 
 Like de foam-light on der rifer, 
 
 Und her soul is toorned to shdone. 
 
 Boot dere is a sdrange relation 
 
 Ofdis Lady of de Hill, 
 Dot her anciend Fascinadion 
 
 Is a lurkin round her sdill ; 
 For about her in de even, 
 
 As from fairy-land remote ; 
 Or ash chords yoost tropt from Heafen 
 
 Lofely musik seems to floot. 
 
 87 
 
 .: 
 
Hans Ereitmann in 
 
 Und aldough a petrifaction 
 
 She is sdill a Lorelei ; 
 Und it gifs her sodisfaction 
 
 To enchant de basser-py, 
 Und he who hears dot chantin 
 
 Mit a Zauber spell is bound, 
 Und will nefer pe a wantin 3 
 
 To depard from Innsbruck town. 
 
 Vhile he singet dis Song dere came py an oldt 
 Woman, apout four hundert yar oldt to yoodge 
 py her looks, aldo she was carryin a Centner or 
 hundert veight of Sticks to sell in de town. So 
 she shtop und listen to de Ballade und denn 
 say : 
 
 " Dot is all fery fine, Vincenz but dot is not 
 de shtory ash I always heardt it." 
 
 "Nun, Mutter ch J " say der Breitmann "dake 
 a trink, und let me hear your side of de 
 gomplaint." 
 
 De oldt Frau opeyed orders und unfoldet her 
 legende as follow : 
 
 " Die Frau Hiitt was a crate lady, dot might 
 peen a baronesse, Schau ! or a Grdfin gelt 
 fa / und so proud ash a peagock und hcrzlos 
 ja heartless as der teufel. Crate many beople 
 
Germany Tyro/. 
 
 is like dot, now Gott und die Mutter Gottcs hilf 
 us all in our Noth f 
 
 " Von tay de Frau Hiitt was ridin 1 on her horse 
 vhen she met an Arme a poor beggar voman. 
 Dot peggar womans was a Witch. She peg 
 Frau Hiitt for a biece of Brod. 
 
 "De Frau Hiitt had a shtein in her hand. 
 She trow it ot de beggar-woman und hit her, 
 und said, Friss du das du Aas ! Eat dot 
 you oldt Carrion ! " 
 
 " Pff ! im Nn, war die Frau Hiitt mit her 
 horse all toorned into Stein. Dort sits she on 
 the hill. But if any pody will climb oop on de 
 Berg, he can hear at Twilight woonder-shine 
 lofly Musick, mit Singen so fein as nefer was. 
 Ja peautiful peautiful peautiful alles schr 
 schon Gelt, j a ! 
 
 -, >! -!= =;= 
 
 " Der shendleman pears to pe a voreigner 
 geltens !" saidt der oldt Tyroler, mit a Gems- 
 bart or a chamois-fedder in his hat, und a 
 gostume, de brincipal ingredients of vitch seemet 
 to pe gomposed of a cock-dail ofer de Gems-bar t, 
 and a punch of omelets to keep off de efil-eye or 
 89 
 
Hans Ereitmann in 
 
 pring goot luck. Dese vere made of the teet of 
 a boar, a fox, a marmot, a crab s claw, a marten s 
 upper jaw-pone, und de horns of a young 
 chamois, all set in silber, mit a griin yacket, a 
 broidered belt, und pare leeks mit braces. 
 
 u Der shendleman pears to be a voreigner," 
 reheat dis inderestin object, "dough he talk 
 Deutsch so goot ash I do. Boot dere is many 
 men vot hafe a crate Sprach-talcnt for learnin 
 languashes." 
 
 " Nun" answer Hans, " id is drue I am von of 
 dem vellers for I can dalk Tyroler, Suabian, 
 Bayerisch, Sachsisch, Allemannisch, Aargauer- 
 Schwetzerisch, Platt-Deutsch und Pfalzisch, und 
 dere to, Pennsylvanisch, mit a liddle Hoch- 
 Deutsch. But as for mein Heimath, I was 
 geporn in Schwaben, so you see ash I peen in 
 America,! coomed a goot vay roundt to kit here." 
 
 "Jao" rebly der oldt Tyroler, " dot is like der 
 Verwaller Gorgli, vot go roundt by Venedig, to 
 kit home acain mit some money. Ja wohl ! " 
 
 Der Breitmann lisden to de dinklin far-away 
 musick of de cow-bells ash it fall doun from de 
 moudain-heighds five tousand feet apove indo 
 90 
 
Germany Tyrol. 
 
 de valley und die disdant gry of de Scnnerinnen 
 or herd-girls, von to anoder, mit de roosh of a 
 torrent ofer de grey rocks und denn broduce 
 from his shdores a pig flask of strong red wein. 
 
 " I kess," he saidt, " mem Frcund you vill 
 kit de pest part of your shdory out of dis. 
 Id s astonishin how many tales und songs dis 
 Reiseflaschc of mine holts. Nur zu ! Trink, 
 Kamarad ! " 
 
 Der oldt Tyroler dook a long und shdeady 
 pull a-pointin de bottom of de flask at de 
 soomit of de Solstein Alp vitch is petween acht 
 und nine tousand feet apove de level of ordinary 
 minds. Denn he say : 
 
 " Der Gorgli vas a man dot bastured his cottle 
 in de Valley of de Venvall. Dere vas a Brunncn 
 or shbring of goot fresh water vere he lofed to 
 go to squench his durst. Jao ! 
 
 " Vonce oopon a dimes in de hot of de tay he 
 coomed to de shbring to kit some trink-wasser, 
 und ash he sit dere he heardt a Ldrm or noise a 
 liddle vay off in das Dickicht, or dicket, und beep 
 and see a most miseraplest, poorest liddle veller, 
 all drippin mit rags or zerlumpt, dot look five- 
 91 
 
Hans Breitmann in 
 
 fourt s shdarved to deat , a yoompin oop mit 
 afer so moosh droples, a-dryin to kit some perries 
 off a bush, to eat. 
 
 u Halt do und komm emol hier I say der 
 Georgl, if you vants someding to eat, you boor 
 liddle out-hungered TetifeL 1 
 
 u Das Mdnnlein coom to him, und der Georgli 
 gife him a goot pig biece of butter-bread vitch 
 der Kleine def houred like he vas never seen foot 
 before in all his life. But vhen he cot done tone 
 he say to Georgli : 
 
 iil Du bist a gut veller, und now I vill bay 
 you for dot Imbiss. 1 
 
 u< Dank* sc/id , bin scho bczohlt I dank you, 
 but I am paid alreaty, rebly der Georgli. Sell is 
 net wiser Branch, dot is not our vashion to dake 
 money for vot ve gife to a veller in gompany. 
 
 " k jaj rebly der liddle mann, but ven I dells 
 beoples to do somedings, dey shenerally opey me 
 for deir own goot. You see de sand in dis 
 brook ? 
 
 " k jao] said Georgli. 4 Id is fery visiple ven I 
 look ad id. 
 
 " Fery goot, Georgli, rebly de liddle shap. 
 92 
 
Germany Tyrol. 
 
 And if you will holdt your tongue und nefer 
 say nodings to nopodies, you may coom to Luck 
 mit it. Take so moosh of dat sand as you can 
 corry in a sack, de more de petter for you und 
 trafel mit id to Venedig or Venice. 
 
 " Ven you kit dere, ashk for de palace of de 
 Signore Moncenigo. Ven you go to de door und 
 der Portier ashks you Vot you vant ! You yoost 
 rebly, " Pronto" Denn you carry de Sand in und 
 you will see vot you will pehold. 
 
 " Tay by tay der Georgli gadder oop de sand, 
 liddle py liddle, pecause dere only corned a liddle 
 efery tay indo de blace, boot py und py he cot a 
 Sack-voll, so much as he could bear, boot dot 
 vas a goot deal. 
 
 u Denn he say nodings to nopody, boot go all 
 alone mit himself to Venice. Dot vas wondervoll 
 sights to see, as schon as nefer vas. So he ashk 
 from a Tyroler vot he foundt selling braces und 
 chamois-horns on der Marcus Plotz, vot he moost 
 do to find der Signore Moncenigo. 
 
 " ( Potzblitz Landsmann] say der Tyroler-fo/tf. 
 ( Vot der Teufel hafe you cot to do mit so crate 
 a lordt ? Nun, gut so kit indo von of dem 
 93 
 
Hans Ereitmann in 
 
 Gandolas vot you see, and der man will dake 
 you dere und Glilck sey mit Dir ! 
 
 * Der Gorgl go mit der Gandola und come to 
 a fine palacet. He ashkt der Portier und say 
 ( Pronto? Denn de Portier bow down to de 
 ground, und gall some oder vellers, all tressed 
 oop, und dey dake him troo many shblendit 
 rooms, dill he coom to von vhere dere vas a 
 crate tall Signore, vot look morally like a king. 
 He sent de servants oot, und say : 
 
 " * Willkomm Georgli. I am clad to see you. 
 Hofe you cot de Sand ? 
 
 " Der Signore Moncenigo look ad de Sand all 
 ofer carefully und denn say : 
 
 " Georgl, here is a tousand ducats in gold 
 for dot sand. 
 
 " Der Georgl vas so glad ash he nefer vas. He 
 dook de money, und der Signore say: 
 
 " Tidn t you nefer see me pefore, Georgl ? 
 
 " No, reblied Georgl. 
 
 " Look me in de face, say der Signore. 
 
 "Und as Georgl lookt, der Signore shrunk 
 oop shmaller und smaller, und his face wizened 
 oop dill Georgli gry mit ashdonishment : 
 94 
 
Germany Tyrol. 
 
 " Gelt ! du bist der liddle old veller vot I 
 gaved de butter-bread to. 
 
 " Nun, Georgl, rebly der Signore you can 
 holdt your tongue apout dot. Dere is dings 
 in dis vorldt dot is pest not dalked apout in 
 tescriptions. 
 
 " Der Georgl redurned home, und bought him 
 a Schloss und land, und pecame a crate man. 
 But ven he hoonted to find de spring, he could 
 not discofer brook nor sand nor anyding. Dot 
 vos a mysdery too. Howefer de hint of der 
 Signore Moncenigo vas enof to make him halt 
 his tongue und nefer go pack to Italien. 
 
 ""Dwas all in Venice 
 
 He gained his pennies : 
 Dot lofely city shwimmin in de sea, 
 
 Und from clot menace 
 
 He ne er acain is 
 Redurned dot lofely city for to see. " 
 
 Dere vas a Stlenz only proken py de mono 
 tone of de rooshing moundain torrent, und de 
 far avay pleating of a goat. Der Breitmann 
 lifd his eyes to Himmel und see in de plue far- 
 95 
 
Hans Ereitmann in 
 
 ness a plack spot shwimmin troo de Uncndlich- 
 keit or mitout-end-ness of de summer sky. 
 
 " Dot," he said, " is an eacle, und he look, like 
 a rich tourist, toun on all de blaces in de land, und 
 tespise de boor goat vot always shday in von field." 
 
 " Goats can drafel too somedimes," rebly der 
 oldt Tyroler. U I know anoder legend, vot lets 
 idself pe singed mit a tune, apout a Ziegenbock 
 or goat, dot drafelled far und fast to distand lands." 
 
 " Dake anoder trink foorst," say der Breitmann. 
 u Venefer you hafe de clock of a song, you petter 
 wind id oop mit a bottle-key. Dot ist jo." 
 
 Dey held a silent tialogue of trinks, ven der 
 oldt man open his sack, und dook oud a zittern, 
 und klimpcred mit his fingers oer de wires, und 
 denn sang : 
 
 DE GOAT UND DE SHPOON. 
 
 Dere is tovvrin , soarin mountains 
 
 In de lofty land Tirol, 
 Dere is droopin , scoopin valleys 
 
 Into vitch de torrents roll ; 
 Eere is mighdy avalanches 
 
 Vitch de icy giants flings 
 In fight at one anoder, 
 
 Dot roll like afery dings. 
 96 
 
Germany Tyrol. 
 
 In der Landestheir valley 
 
 Lifed Simas Andra he 
 Vent for a sommer season 
 
 Afay to Hungary ; 
 Dere he maket a fine connection, 
 
 For de volk dot knew him said 
 He live in fond affecdion 
 
 Mit a wunder-lofely maid. 
 
 Boot ash peneat de meadows 
 
 A shinin in de Sonn 
 Dere ish deep und awful caferns 
 
 Where cloomy coblins wone, 
 Or as tead men lie ge-buried 
 
 All in a flowery dell, 
 Dere vas witchcraft in de maiden 
 
 Der Tyroler lofed so well. 
 
 Now ven de Autumn shattows 
 
 Growed longer afery tay ; 
 Und all de crapes were vintaged 
 
 Und de crops all poot afay, 
 Der Simas dell de Madchen 
 
 Vot lofe him heart und soul, 
 Dot he moost for de winter 
 
 Go pack indo Tyrol. 
 
 De maiden she vas defer 
 She make no row or fuss. 
 
 She know so veil dat nefer 
 It pays to make a muss, 
 97 
 
Hans Breitmann in 
 
 She said, " If you must go, dear, 
 Oh blease retoorn und soon," 
 
 Und gave him zum Andenken 
 A wundrous silfer shpoon. 
 
 Ja woJil dot shpoons vas curious 
 
 Ash couldt pe, I ll pe pound, 
 I kess dot soosh anoder 
 
 Vas novhere lyin round, 
 Mit a Teufel on de handle 
 
 A-sittin in a tree ; 
 Und caracders upon id 
 
 All fool of mysdery. 
 
 Nun, gut. Der young Tyroler 
 
 Redurn unto his home ; 
 Not meanin for de winter 
 
 Some more aproad to roam, 
 Boot while to de enchandress 
 
 His hearts remainet drue, 
 He like vise hat a Mutter 
 
 Vot knowed a ding or dwo. 
 
 It coom on Christmas even, 
 
 Yen afery von was glad ; 
 Und beoples pring togedder 
 
 De finest dings dey had ; 
 Yoost dinkin for disblayin 
 
 De time vas opportune, 
 Der Simas for a venture 
 
 Brought oud his silfer shpoon. 
 98 
 
Germany fyro/. 
 
 De gombany admired it, 
 
 From hand to hand it poss d ; 
 Some say how fine de work vas, 
 
 Some kessed how moosh it cost, 
 Dill it coom unto his Mutter, 
 
 Who look at it amiss 
 Denn ask him " Who der Teufel, 
 
 Mein Sohn, have give you dis ? : 
 
 He dellt her pout de maiden 
 
 He met vhere he did come, 
 Who gife de shpoon unto him : 
 
 De Mutter answer u Hum! 
 Pefore you use dot Lqffel, 
 
 For fear of trick or sells, 
 I kess you d petter try it 
 
 A-feedin some von else." 
 
 Dere vas a goat peside him, 
 
 Its hair vas soft as silk, 
 Der Simas took der spoon up 
 
 Und give dot goat some milk : 
 Soon as der goat hafe daste it, 
 
 He tantz oopon der floor, 
 Denn bolted like der Teufel 
 
 Right troo de open door ! 
 
 Und rooshing madly onward, 
 Dey saw dot he-goat go 
 
 Along de silent valley, 
 
 In moonlight o er de shnow. 
 99 
 
Hans Ereitmann in 
 
 De mutter say, " Dot Ziege 
 
 Has cot to trafel far n ; 
 He will not shtop his runnin 
 
 Ondil he reach Hungarn." 
 
 Now when der Mai vas kommen 
 
 Und leafs vere on de dree, 
 Und birds vere singin , Simas 
 
 Vent pack to Hungary, 
 Led shdill py de affecdion 
 
 Vitch in his soul he felt, 
 Dill he coom unto de house 
 
 Vhere dot lofely maiden dwelt. 
 
 Dere in a shady Garten, 
 
 He found his lofely pride, 
 Emproiderin a girtle 
 
 A goat vas py her side : 
 Der Simas bust oud laughin , 
 
 Und she too, ven he say : 
 " Mine dear aldough you spooned me 
 
 I tidn t roon avay ! " 
 
 Moral. You ve ofden heard it 
 
 Und yet may hear it, soon. 
 You can win de heart s affection 
 
 By gifin folk a spoon. 
 Vence coom de term of spoonm : 
 
 Boot dis ding you should notes, 
 Pestow dem on de sheepses 
 
 Und nefer on de goats. 
 
 100 
 
Germany Tyrol. 
 
 Dere vas a silents for a pause, durin vitch de 
 two shmoked deir pipes, till der Breitmann 
 said : 
 
 " You mendion dot dat hero vot to Venice 
 Avent raised a Castel mit de results of his indus- 
 trie. He buildt his house oopon de Sand dot 
 vas a pad foundations." 
 
 " Ne" rebly der Tyroler " it tepends on vot 
 kind of sand you use. Gold sand maket a fery 
 goot Grnnd for a house. Peobles say ven land 
 is all sand und moss id is goot for noding. But 
 Moss ist wort money somedimes." 
 
 u y#," answer Hans. " In de Yiddish language 
 moes or moos means money." 
 
 u Und I knowed of a man," respondet der 
 Tyroler, " dot got rich mit Moss. Dot vas a 
 long dime ago. Dis veller had peen a robber 
 vot pelonget to de band of Schinderhannes, der 
 Rauber of der Rhine. Ja wohl. Nun, ven der 
 band vas gebrochen oop und Schinderhannes vas 
 gcradert or vheeled off, dis Deutscher infentet a 
 new way to make a livin . Ja luohl. He vent 
 into de forest-woods und filled a great sack mit 
 Moss. 
 
 101 
 
Hans Ereitmann in 
 
 " Denn he vent do a G^^-house, or tavern, 
 und ashk for der pest bett-room. In dcr 
 Nacht he rosed und gerippt oop de fedder-bett 
 und shtoled all de fedders und put dem mit 
 demselfs indo de sack, und de moss he used to 
 stoff de Bett mit. Denn he do it all oop acain 
 mit a sew-needle und tread, so goot ash efer was." 
 
 " Nun dot was fery sinnrcich und defer ! " 
 
 " Nicht wahr f Nun, gut, he nex tay he go 
 way mit de fedders und carry dem home vhere 
 he sell fedder-betts mit a shop. Ja so. Und he 
 garry dis pisiness on for fifdeen yar mit aller- 
 greatest securidy, pecause beoples tid not dis 
 cofer for long dimes dot de fedders was moos, 
 und denn dey dinked id vos der bett-seller vot 
 schwindled dem. 
 
 " Nun, vonce oopon a dimes he coom to a 
 Gasthaus vhere he hot shdole fedders long 
 pefore, und forgot it. Dis dimes, hafin no moos 
 he had gestohlcn some hay und shtoff his sack 
 mit id. Now he left der sack a lyin unadver- 
 tendly on de grund, und dere come py an shack- 
 ass vot shmelt de fodder, und tore der sack open 
 und pegan to eat de hay, und der Gastwirth, dot 
 102 
 
Germany Tyrol. 
 
 is der landlord, observe dis, und mistrow, or 
 sospecdt somedings ven all at vonce de fedders 
 flash oopon his memory und he say, Potz- 
 blitz ! dis must pe der Sakermentskerl vot shteal 
 das Gcficder, or de plumage out of mine betts ! 
 Wart nur, du infamer verruchtcr Schlingel ich 
 bring Dir eins ! Yoost wait you invamous 
 accursed mishcreants, und see vot you ll catch ! 
 Dir wird was sc/iwics gebacka, du vcrdammter 
 Tcufclssohn ! Hoi dich der Hcnkcr, du Frank 
 furter Aas ! mit efer so many more Dutch 
 cuss-words, for he was so angry dot he dalk 
 Dcutsch gradaus. 
 
 " So dot night dey set a votch troo a key 
 holes und vot you dinks dey see mit demselfs 
 
 All in de finster Mitternacht 
 Ven honest volk in shleeps vere lockt, 
 
 put dis Galgcnbube a rippen open de Bctt, und 
 confisticatin de fedders ! So dey roosh in oopon 
 him, und schlog him on de kop, und boot him 
 mit kicks, und tie him mit a rope und stick him 
 on prison vhere he gonfess all his grimes. Ja 
 wohl. Mein Grossvater hafe seen his kop dot 
 103 
 
Hans Breitmann in Germany Tyrol. 
 
 is his het many a yar ober de City-gate und 
 vot vas woondervoll de Raben or ravens shtick 
 it full mit fedders, as a cushion mit stick-needles. 
 Ja wohl ! " 
 
 Und here I gannot refrain from be-markin 
 dot accordin to der learned Schlachtensch- 
 lagerius in his Buch, De Pliunis Arripiendis, 
 Nuremberg, 1530. die Idee of dis Tale is far more 
 antiquateder dan de peginning of dis century. 
 Dis wrider draces it pack, foost to a Classic 
 source, dot vas der Shackdau in Esops Fabulce 
 vot shtealed de beacock-fedders, himself to orna- 
 mente ; Segondly to de primaeval German- 
 Teutonic Frau Holle, who is de goddess of 
 Fedders vitch ash she ist an infernal deity 
 imblies shdealin. Derefore ven it shnows, de 
 Dootch shildrens say dot " de Fcdersack or 
 fedder-pag, of Frau Holle is borsted open," or 
 dat " Frau Holle is makin de Fedders fly." Now 
 dis Frau Holle ist Frigga or Freya, for vitch 
 reason I peliefe dot in dis shtory, apout der 
 feller s shtealin fedders, we hafe de relics or 
 draces of a myth based oopon de oldt Northern 
 worship of dis goddess. Dot s so. 
 104 
 
CHAPTER VI. 
 
 VY DE ALL - ALONELINESS OF NATUR MIT 
 SPOOKS AND OFER-NATURAL PEINS GEFILLED 
 IS. DE BALLAD-SHTORIES OF DE KAUNSER- 
 WITCH DE HAZEL- WITCH DIE BELL OF 
 KALTEIN UND DIE WOONDERFULL PEASE. 
 
 " Truly there can be no doubt, as Gregorius 
 relates (Lib. 3, Dialogorum c. 7) of Bishop Andrew, 
 that demons and all kinds of strange beings dwell 
 in lonely places, uninhabited by man. For it befell 
 to him by night that he solitudinis pavore tttrbatus, 
 frightened by Solitude, suddenly beheld a vast 
 assembly of malignant Spirits." Tractatus de Con- 
 fessionibus Maleficorum et Saganim. Auctore PETRO 
 
 BlNSFELDIO, A.D. 1596. 
 
 VEN a man is in de dremendous scenerie of 
 Mountain-Natur where all is silentz proke at 
 intervales py strange ooncanny sounds like 
 ravens grys, de wailin of die Winds de fall of 
 105 
 
Hans Breitmann in 
 
 rocks de Torrent flowin like an entless Voice 
 while far above forests on forests rise like cloudts 
 apove de cloudts dill lossed in light, denn he 
 veels dot Solitude is almost von mit Sooplimity. 
 Und noch wciter dot is, furder shtill, vhen he see, 
 as is fery gommon in de Tyrol, so many cliffs 
 und beetlin risin rocks like towers, turr eted, 
 and castles old, windowed und gated ash by 
 ancient art, so like to machicoles or crenelles, 
 seeming more like dem in de Abendgluth or rosy 
 efenin den Solitute mit such helps, itself 
 einflustert or whisper into oos dot dere is 
 Dings dot live here dings not of Eart , spiridual 
 und wild und dot it spooks und ghosts vhere 
 Man s pegone ! 
 
 Ja wohl as in de oldten dime de magina- 
 tion of de Geisterseher beoplet de Wtiste or 
 Wildernesses of Syria und Egypten mit all 
 kinds of Lemures, Daemons und consimilar 
 Operations soosh as Satyrs und Fauns, so der 
 dweller in de mountains high, seems raiset mit 
 height unto Supernal dings, und efer dinks on 
 spectral Elvish life. De English tourist may 
 miss it, efen if he drafel efer so teeply indo de 
 1 06 
 
Germany Tyrol. 
 
 Tyrol, but a Sud-Deutscher dot is in touch, or in 
 Berilhrung or Empfindung mit de beoples, will 
 soon find dot dere is apout so many Spooks, or 
 Butzc in de in-land,avay from de towns ash dere 
 is in-dwellers or onhapitans. Dus to example 
 dey pelieve dot ven de Seniurleu? or folk dot 
 take care of de gattle, soosh ash cows mit bools, 
 und maken milk und butter on de At id or 
 mountain meadows, all pelieve dot vhen dey 
 mofe oud of deir huts in de Autumn, de Spooks 
 all dake deir blace und wone in dem all de 
 Winter. Uyd dese ghostly In-dwellers is of 
 apout sixdy tifferent kinds, de brincipal bein de 
 Getsts or ghostes und ghostesses of Senncrlcu? 
 or cow-herds vot gommitted some grimes soosh 
 ash losin gattle und not accountin for dem to de 
 owners ; derfore dey moost live in timid misery 
 till dey are erloset or set free py somepody who 
 fery ofden becomes a treasure of Gold by 
 so-doin. De numper of Legende vot prove dis 
 is beyont all pelief, derefore it follow dot dere 
 moost pe some Wahrheit or Trut in it. 
 Ja wohl. 
 
 Zwcitens or Secontly. Dere is tausents of 
 107 
 
 
Hans Breitmam:. in 
 
 Hexen or Witches dot haunt or spook in dese 
 blaces. Und dis remind me dot ven I vas in 
 Kauns, dere was an oldt woman dat told me dis 
 Story as follow, from which I maket dis Song : 
 
 THE KAUNSER-WITCH. 
 List und I ll sing you a sing-u-lar tale, 
 Dere lived in old dimes in de Kaunser-dale 
 In a haus dot is shtandin efen now, 
 A man dot had a peautiful Frau, 
 Und a gleferer womans oopon my soul ! 
 Vas not to be fount in all de Tyrol. 
 Yet mit so many strange and mysderious vays, 
 Dot Nopody givet her oonmingelt braise ; 
 Und efen her Mann was always in doubt 
 As to somedings in her he couldn t make out ; 
 A ding vitch we know don t very well go, 
 For dough it may charm on a virst acquaindance, 
 Dis cerdain to lead in de end to repentance. 
 
 Now dis Mann was py trade a shoemaker, 
 Und it happend von efenin he saidt to her : 
 " I would like to go to-morrow morn 
 Indo mine fieldt to harvest mine corn ; 
 It is ripe you know, und alreaty cut, 
 Und dere it lies for the gadderin but 
 I hafe work in de haus und dot is drue, 
 Und I m dropled not knowin yoost vot I most do, 
 For if rain should fall it would be forlorn, 
 Since dot wouldt cerdainly shpoil mein Corn." 
 108 
 
 - 
 
Germany Tyrol. 
 
 So he spoked his wife. Darauf set she, 
 
 " Ach,geh* nur ! yoost leaf dot harfest to me, 
 
 All of de matter in order I prings, 
 
 If you leaf me alone like averydings." 
 
 " How will you do it ? " Yoost nefer you mind, 
 
 In de efenin all will pe ready you ll find ; 
 
 Go to your vork like a nice liddle Mann, 
 
 Und I ll manage de harfest so goot ash I can." 
 
 Now when dese worts to der Mann were saidt, 
 
 All kind of dinkin coom indo his headt, 
 
 Und all de next tay it roon in his kop, 
 
 How der Teufel his wife would harfest de crop ; 
 
 Dill he say to himself : "No harm I ll cotch 
 
 If I hides mineself in de wood to watch : 
 
 I don t like dings mysderious so ; 
 
 Vot die Frau is a-doin der Mann should know. 
 
 To catch a goblin you take an elf." 
 
 So he vent py night und conceal t himself, 
 
 Oop in a tree all tuckered avay. 
 
 Where he saw de corn in de Acker dot lay. 
 
 At mitternight as he lay conceal d, 
 
 His Frau com glidin into de field, 
 
 Holdin a proom like fire in her hand 
 
 Which she wafe like a queen when she give 
 
 command ; 
 
 She look at the corn in many a row, 
 Und all dot she say was, " Blow, Wind blow ! " 
 109 
 
Hans Ereitmann in 
 
 Vhen yoost in de momendt dot she shpoke, 
 A derriple wind like a shtorm awoke, 
 Und de wind it tid votefer she pid, 
 For it lifted the roof of his barn like a lid 
 Vhen you raise de top of a Kist or box, 
 Or open a toor to a berson dot knocks ; 
 Mem Gott ! Dwas a derrible sights to see 
 How de dings was manag d py Sorcery ! 
 
 Den it lifted all of de Shocks of corn, 
 
 Und garry dem vlyin indo de barn ; 
 
 Hei how dey flittet und ho ! how dey flew ! 
 
 It all was tone in a minute or two, 
 
 Ja in a momendt id ail was o er, 
 
 Und die roof of de barn shut down as before. 
 
 Die Frau was to-haus vhen der Mann com in, 
 She say to her huspand Vhere hafe you peen ? 
 " I hafe peen Gott knows in dis life of mine 
 Full many a time in trouple und Pein, 
 Many a dime in sorrow und smart, 
 But noding pefore efer vent to my heart, 
 Noding e er grieved me I dells you true, 
 Like vot dis night I hafe seen you do." 
 
 She borst out laughin und saidt mit shkorn : 
 " Dot is my dank for safin your corn 
 Dot hat else peen spoiledt mit rain und frost : " 
 He answer, " I d rat er id all were lost, 
 no 
 
 
Germany Tyro/. 
 
 All dot I hafe in de work I d miss, 
 
 Rat er dan have it be-safed like dis ; 
 
 Der Teufel is nefer a trusty friendt, 
 
 Und all petween us is now at an end ; 
 
 I lofed you vonce put it all is o er, 
 
 Go vhere you will. We shall meet no more." 
 
 Mit ringing laughter she filled de room, 
 
 Und leapt mit a shout on her fiery broom, 
 
 " Goot py denn, my Narr, if you like," say she ; 
 
 " Fire mit water can nefer agree, 
 
 De witch is a fool who weds mit a man 
 
 Dot wont dake money whenefer he can, 
 
 Und der Mann anoder who marries a witch 
 
 Und like to pe poor vhen he mighdt pe rich : 
 
 Oben, hinaus und nirgends an, 
 
 Whoop in de mitnight, I ll fly when I can-^- 
 
 Goot py for efer mine goot liddle man ! 
 
 Goot py to you mit your corn und your house, 
 
 I m off to de Brocken heraus ! hcraus ! " 
 
 Off she shot in de silent night, 
 Far in de tistands he watched de light, 
 As it dimmed away, of de fiery broom, 
 Denn he heav t a sigh in de darkenet room. 
 Was he griev t or not ? Ach* who can tell ? 
 De brisoner sighs ven he leaves his cell ! 
 
 " Nun," saidt Breitmann, " vhedder dere is 
 Witcheses dot can ride on prooms und raise de 
 i ii 
 
Hans Breitmann in 
 
 Wind in a Shtorm, buchstablich } or literally 
 makin a tevil of a litter of dings, is more dan I 
 can be-dear or schwear at. But dot dere is 
 womens who are so mysterios und fool of egg- 
 centric hidden caprices, und unsteady habits und 
 wanton idle wills mixed oop with cleverness und 
 gootness, as to pe really soupernatural, is drue 
 und whet er dey have sold demselfs to der Teufel 
 or not dey are dere dot is dey are out of 
 humanity und Natur. Denn again dere are 
 many, or all, of dese, who for some liddle wrongs 
 pecome so outerorderly fmdictive und shpiteful, 
 follerin oop Revenge mit all deir soul und life, 
 dot a white Christian can-not really oonderstand 
 dem at all so id is no crate vonder dot he dinks 
 dey are all de sisders und shildren of Satan." 
 
 " Dot is drue," remarked his frient der Pro 
 fessor. " Und yoost ash dere is a certain relict 
 of de oldt savage or giant, of early dimes, in efery 
 man, so is dere a drace of de witch in de pest 
 und sweedest of women or a lofe of suffering 
 vhen it is caused py herself, vitch flatters vanity 
 und vhere you find dot, dere is de plack hell- 
 witch, und de dree trops of Teufel s blood 
 112 
 
Germany T yrol. 
 
 seldom a-\vantin in de fairest pody. Nor does 
 Religion take it cud of dem, pecause de piousest 
 nuns, und Presbyterianest Scotchesses, und New 
 Englandest proprietesses, und Moralistes, alvays 
 seem to me to pe de unforgivinest und spite 
 fullest of all de Witches, at heart. Nun, gut 
 we are all boor wretches Gott forgife oos ! " 
 
 " Vot de spitefoolness und Tcufclslust of witches 
 concerns," say der Schoolmaster ash he lift der 
 Deckel off his Biermaas und saufta. long trink 
 " D*rauf kann ich was crzdhlc on dot lean dell 
 a shtories." Und mitout waitin to pe squeezed 
 boot foorst profidin himself mit anoder goot 
 pull at de moog ash Viaticum for his journey, 
 he rooshed onvarts in his plind career as be- 
 vollows : 
 
 DE HAZEL WITCH. 
 
 Nort of Botzen on a hill, 
 Shtands a grey und time-worn tower 
 Marred by many a winter s chill 
 Summer s sun und Audumn shower, 
 Shtandin high und broud und lone 
 Like a grim lord vot shbeak to none, 
 Least of all to men ven he 
 Is in old age mit poferty. 
 
 113 H 
 
Hans Ereitmann 
 
 Wondrous dings dot Tower has seen 
 In de oldten dime I ween, 
 For dwas pilt ash all men know, 
 Full a tausent Yar ago, 
 Twas a Walsche magian 
 Who de structur foost pegan, 
 Murmuring de tree-fold shpell 
 He pringed to him de fiends of hell : 
 Denn a maiden foorst of all 
 Dey build alive into de wall, 
 Dot her spirit, ash dey say, 
 Mighdt guard der Thurm, und well, for Aye. 
 Py demon skill de whole was made, 
 Py demon hands dose walls were laid, 
 Und teufels carved de forms grotesque, 
 Ofer each arch in wild burlesque, 
 So dot when finish t from dot hour 
 Id was well call d der Defil s Tower. 
 Ages hafe vlown 
 
 Boot de Tower still 
 Grey und alone 
 
 Shtands on de hill, 
 Ever uncanny its castellany 
 With imps in every gorner und cranny, 
 Und for its masters 
 Dose lords of disasders ; 
 Wizards or Sorcerers 
 Pringin, of course, terrors, 
 Raisin of Sturms mit Hagel und Blitz 
 A-shkarin de beoples all rount indo vits. 
 114 
 
Germany Tyrol. 
 
 So it vent for many a yar 
 
 Und der Teufel was alvays clere, 
 
 Dill id com to bass in de Anno Domini 
 
 Sefenteen hundert mit fifty six 
 
 Dot an oldt vitch mit sin und ignominy 
 
 All in dot Tower was blayin her dricks, 
 
 DohV her tamtest de beasants to vex 
 
 Und was generally known ash die Haselhex* 
 
 Or de Hazel-witch 
 
 Cause she garry a switch, 
 Or a rod dot vas coot from a hazel-dree, 
 De gauses of vitch you shall bresently see. 
 
 Dis Hazelhex* had an orphan yout 
 Whom she kepdt I peliefe in trut 
 
 As a Teufelshex , 
 
 Only to vex 
 
 Dease und torture, pe-devil und spite, 
 Worry und hurry from morn to nighdt, 
 Vhen he was goot she kickt him aroun 
 Und vhen he vasnt, ge-knockt him down, 
 Und shmack his vace und treatet him yes, 
 Like a canni-bally old Sorceress ! 
 
 Von efenin in Autumn dis witch, saidt she 
 
 To her poy, " Now come mit your pasket mit me. 
 
 Id is dime to run 
 You lazy, itle idiots-son ! 
 
 You tont want no more rest, 
 
 So com to de forest, 
 
Hans Ereitmann in 
 
 Und gadder nuts, you undershtood 
 Vhile I go furder into de wood 
 Vhere I have cot somedings for to do. 
 Boot mind dis dings vot I say to you : 
 
 If you dare 
 
 Pe-ware ! pe-ware ! 
 If you dare to follow me 
 Und be-seeket any dings for to see, 
 Py shingo ! I ll make minsch-meat of dee, 
 
 Und dot is true, 
 
 Uh-hu ! Uh-hu / " 
 
 She lookt like der Teufel ash she said it, 
 Und he put it toun to der Teufel s credit. 
 
 Soon dey coom to de forest ground 
 
 Vhere de Nuts vere a lyin all around, 
 
 Put de poy he took em mit sorryfool feelin , 
 
 Pecause a-dakin dese noots vas shtealin , 
 
 Und he knew dot if caught py de owner a doin-it, 
 
 He vouldt fery cerdainly soon be rue-in it. 
 
 Und ash he pickt he kep dinkin und dinkin 
 
 Into vot blace de oldt witch could pe slinkin , 
 
 Und vot de gause 
 
 Of dis secresy vas ; 
 
 Dill at last he say, " May der Teufel swallow her ! 
 Anyhow I am goin to follow her ! " 
 
 Saidt und done, 
 
 Away he run, 
 
 Trackin her closely on her path, 
 Nefer a-heedin her spite or wrath, 
 116 
 
Germany Tyrol. 
 
 Dill he come to a blace in a lonely wold ! 
 Und oh ! vot dings he vas dere pehold ! 
 Five hundert witches und seventy dree, 
 All on a howlin und derriple spree ! 
 
 Roundt on a dree 
 
 Hung a hundert skulls in which shone a light 
 Green und red from de eyes so pright, 
 Ofer dem all in de gadderin night, 
 Vot made a remarkaply derrible sighdt ; 
 
 Und on a crate shtone, 
 
 Mit vines o ergrown, 
 Sat a forty-teufel orchestra 
 Dot on forty instrumends tid blay 
 To de witches und wizzers a yellin und tantzin , 
 Huggin und shkreeming and leapin und prancin . 
 
 Soon ash de witch appear d on de cround, 
 Dere vas von crate gry from de rest around, 
 Und von of dem saidt, " You re de last of all 
 Who hafe come to-night to tantz at de ball ; 
 Derefore you moost pe torn to bieces, 
 Ash at gander-pullins de men tear geeses ; 
 Dot is de law mitout a doubt, 
 Und ve are a goin to garry it out. 
 Mit a Hup, hurrah ! Potz Teufel und Blitz ! 
 Dey flew at de Hexe und tore her to bits, 
 Und trowed dem here und scattert dem dere, 
 So de bieces were vlyin apout in de air. 
 
 At last ven weary of kissin und nghtin , 
 Tantzing und trinkin , und yellin und bitin , 
 
Hans Ereitmann in 
 
 Dey gaddered de bieces of deir victim ; 
 
 Und vhen from here und dere dey had pick d em, 
 
 Und laid in order the mangled vitch, 
 
 Dey stroked de whole mit a hazel-switch, 
 
 Solemnly sayin : " Abuscabornio 
 
 Aldiboronti phoscopliornio, 
 
 Chrononthoiogos Bambochides 
 
 A denoclunin staridysar chides 
 
 Appalecheosmoccommctico, 
 
 Barago bango ballabamdetico ! " 
 
 Vhen at de word, 
 
 Soon as she heard 
 
 De sound of dese magical rhymes so defer, 
 De vitch yoomped as lively ash efer ; 
 Und denn unto her de oders said : 
 " We hafe refived you from de dead, 
 Und now you may live mitout pain or stitch, 
 Till some one shall call you a Hazel- Witch; 
 Pe it in earnest or pe it in fun, 
 You will denn fall tead as sure as a gun." 
 
 Hid, und to keep his silentz still able, 
 De poy had listen d to afery syll-aple ; 
 Havin a mind apofe his stadion, 
 He efen rememperd de tinpancation, 
 Und bored in his memory de liddle switch, 
 Und tidn t forget de " Hazel-Witch:" 
 " Und now I hafe cot der Teufel s elixir, 
 Nex : dime she s sassy," said he, " I ll fix her !" 
 118 
 
Germany Tyrol. 
 
 Nor tid he have fery long to wait, 
 
 For oop she com mit a hurryin gate, 
 
 Und look in his pasket und gry, " Potzbutz ! 
 
 Du Galgenbubc vhere ish de nuts ? 
 
 Du A as du Esc I du Luder Heins ! 
 
 Wart nur du Schlingel! Ich bring dir Eins ! " 
 
 Und she schlog him like Blitzen on de kop, 
 
 Und hit like she nefer was goin to shtop ; 
 
 So he soon moost hafe passed from dis Werlt to de 
 
 nex , 
 If he hadn t hollered : " Du Haselhex ! " 
 
 De word ge-spoken, 
 
 De charm ge-brocken, 
 
 De Zauberspruch said ; 
 
 She lay mit de tead, 
 
 De form py dunder ! 
 
 All tumpled asunder. 
 De het was here und de leeks were dere, 
 In a scatteration efery where, 
 Und I really cannot plame de poy 
 Dat he tantzted around de collection mit yoy. 
 
 Shtill you may see dot casdle fair 
 So rosy-red in the sunset air ; 
 Boot cofered mit ivy and grey old moss, 
 For dings ain t now like dey used to vas, 
 For vitches no longer circle on high, 
 Und swoop on deir prooms from de mitternight sky 
 IIQ 
 
 I 
 
Hans Breitmann in 
 
 Und imps no longer mit gry und yell, 
 Seem pent on raisin barticolar H611 , 
 As if by Meister Lucifer led, 
 Dey were pizzy mit paintin de settlement red ; 
 For now ash we know der Teufel is dead, 
 Yed shtill de pheasants mit dremplin tone, 
 Will shpeak of de tays dot is passt und gone 
 Dose derriple dimes of oldt in which 
 Das Land was ruled by de Hazel Witch. 
 
 u y#," bemark der Professor. " Dere is some- 
 dings fery mysterios apout Hazels. In de old 
 German poetry, dot push is alvays ge-called 
 Frau Hazel like it hat a soul und vherefer 
 dis occurs to a plant or bird it means dot it is 
 regardet ash a supernatural pein likevise has 
 it a crate moral influence being generally used 
 to vip liddle pad poys mit. Und dere is ofden 
 fount some Hazel nuts in ancient graves as a 
 sympol pecause yoost like a putterfly hide 
 herself in a goccoon, to coom vlying out like 
 averydings or de nut-kernel hide in de shell 
 pefore it boorst upwards into a plant so de 
 humane soul itself in de ground hide must ere 
 it rise to eternal day-life. Derefore is it lucky 
 nuts of any kind in de bocket to carry, ash I 
 120 
 
 - -s 
 
 "^ 
 
Germany Tyrol. 
 
 mineself horse-shestnuts agains de rheumatism 
 do bear. But shpeakin of Witches in de Tyrol, 
 I know anoder tale which ven it gepleasin is 
 de honourable companie to, I vill here norate." 
 Und he norated as follow : 
 
 DE BELL OF KALTERN. 
 
 Oh de shoorsh-pells at even, 
 
 How shweetly dey ring ! 
 Like angels in heafen 
 
 Dey murmur und sing ! 
 Where musik can trafel, 
 
 Deir echoes are found ; 
 Und naught dot is efil 
 
 Can list to de sound. 
 
 So softly, so quaintly dey chime in deir blay, 
 So gently, so vaintly denn dyin afay 
 Fading out mit de tay ! 
 
 Now no witch can hang out vhere de Church Glocke 
 
 hang, 
 
 For pein ge-blest dey re ofraidt of de clang ; 
 At de fery foorst sound of soosh pells dey are lost, 
 Und shrivel like skeeters vhen hit py a frost, 
 Und ter Teufel himself vouldt pe off on de wing 
 Vhen de crate pell of Kaltern pegan for to ring, 
 Ei I dot busted oop, like a sight for to see, 
 In grand scatteration, die whole gompanie, 
 
 121 
 
 
 
Hans Breitmann in 
 
 Und goot Christians like oos arn t more vritenet of 
 
 H611 
 Dan de vitches vere shkeered at de sound of dot pell ! 
 
 Oontil at de last, 
 
 Deir patience all past, 
 
 Und de fery end thread of the skein pein spun, 
 Dey shwore dere must cerdainly Somedings pe done ; 
 Und Somedings dey tid too, at once, dot is " poz," 
 Und you soon will soormise vot de handiwork was. 
 
 Dhere s a widow in Eppan 
 
 Mit glance like a dart, 
 A derriple veapon 
 
 Vot bierce efery heart, 
 Mit de sofdest of laughder, 
 
 De schweetest of shmiles ; 
 Gott knows vot com after 
 
 Vhen vonce she peguiles ! 
 Und dis lady of Eppan 
 Is charmingly dresst ; 
 She feedeth on capon, 
 Mit wein of de pest : 
 
 Dough vhence she derivet de food und de clo se, 
 Und how she got dese dings, or com 3 to have dose, 
 Is vot she hafe nefer to no von disclose, 
 Vitch maket moosh woonder ash you may suppose. 
 
 Now ven beoples pefore dem keeps alvays a curtain, 
 Dere s somedings pehind it unright, dot is cerdain ; 
 Und all vere assur t dot dis peautifool widow 
 Hung out vot de French call a fery large ridcau. 
 122 
 
 . 
 
Germany Tyrol. 
 
 But Hermann von Valk, 
 A shivalric yung plade, 
 
 Who vas not of talk 
 Nor of myst ries afraid, 
 
 Vas all de more taken, 
 
 Enshanted und shaken, 
 
 Enroptured und smashed, 
 
 Be-glamoured und mashed 
 
 Py de peautiful eyes und die wunderfoll mystery 
 Dot seem to enfelope dis Lamia s hisdory ; 
 Und von tay vhen in shport de fair wittow would task 
 
 him, 
 He schwored he would do her votefer she ask 
 
 him, 
 
 He gare not a shdraw were it dot, were it dis 
 If she only wouldt gife him von ropturous giss. 
 
 Mit de winsomest shmile 
 
 Dot wouldt fetch you a mile, 
 
 Und a Soft in her voice 
 
 Dot would gife you no choice 
 Boot to do vot she vanted : " Geliebter" say she, 
 " I can only ask someding shivalric from dee, 
 Soosh ash nople und gallant young vellers perform 
 Vhen deir hets dey are prafe, und deir hearts dey are 
 warm ; 
 
 Yet dot vot I want 
 
 You can easily crant. 
 In vact tis as easy as yompin a hurdle, 
 Yoost glimp de church-sdeeple a bearin dis girdle ; 
 123 
 
Hans Ereitmann in 
 
 De shdeeple of Kaltern, 
 
 You know id fool well ; 
 Und binding, you shall turn 
 Dis belt round de pell ; 
 Bind it und wind it, 
 Und vhen you have twined it 
 Vhen dis is done und my love ist returnet he 
 May giss if he like to de ent of Eternity." 
 
 Now as you may hafe guessed, 
 Dis yung Hermann von Valk 
 
 Vas not, truly confesset, 
 
 A man easy to balk ; 
 
 So as soon ash de widow her yarn had spun, 
 He yoomp to his feets, und gry eagerly Done ! 
 For soosh a revart I geschwear py mein Soul, 
 I d belt all de bells in das land of Tyrol ! 
 Gife me de girtel. I dells you vot, 
 I ll pe pack dis efenin " Und off he shot. 
 
 Now dough dis Hermann 
 
 Hot no scrupulosity, 
 Yet as a German 
 
 He d crate curiosity ; 
 Vitch ding is de Mutter of all suspicion ; 
 So he toorn it ofer mit more precision, 
 Und he say to himself, " I vish I could tell 
 Vot it is dat she want of a-beltin de bell ? 
 Tis fery mysteries hum ! let me see ! 
 Soopose I virst try it oopon dis tree ; 
 Dere s noting at all in de vay to prefent 
 Soosh a liddle hormless exsperiment. 
 124 
 
German v Tyrol. 
 
 ^^ ^ -^i ^^^^ .^^ 
 
 So half-oondinkin , or half in yoke, 
 
 He pound der Girtle apout an oak ; 
 
 It was a most trementous dree, 
 
 Biggerer nopody efer tid see 
 
 Shtandin alone so grand und solemn, 
 
 Mit drunk ash dall und ash shtrait ash a column ; 
 
 But shkarce dot girtle was brought around, 
 
 Und shkarce der belt on de park was pound, 
 
 Ven a crash like a tausent Donners came 
 
 Und pefore his eyes all swum in a flame, 
 
 Ash if hell had proke loose in fery fact, 
 
 Und from dop to pottom de oak-tree crack d 
 
 Und de fragments flew afar und wide, 
 
 Vhile der Herr von Valk lay stunn d long side. 
 
 De bells were a-ringin mitnight twelf 
 
 Pefore der yung gentleman coom to himself, 
 
 Und when he cot dere " Potz-blitz ! " said he, 
 
 " I am clad dot I tried de belt on a tree, 
 
 For if I had bound it round de bell 
 
 Vitch de witches all fear like poison und H611 " 
 
 Vhen havin saidt dis he soodenly stop d, 
 
 Ash if an idee on his senses had dropp d, 
 
 Und he roar d " Donnerhagel mit Blitz nnd pitch 
 
 Now may I pe tarn but de widow s a witch ! 
 
 Es leuchtet mir ein I pehold it clear ! 
 
 Ash I see yon Moon in her silber sphere : 
 
 Dot vas a nice liddle task dot the vidder 
 
 
Hans Breitmann in 
 
 Gave me to do, vhen I coom to consider. 
 
 Subbose inshteat of a dree I had blaced 
 
 Dot peautiful Girtle apout mine waist ! 
 
 Dot war an elegant shange of scene, 
 
 Hoi sie der Teufel ! Vhere vouldt I peen ? 
 
 So sure ash a Bohm trinks Slibovitz, 
 
 Bust to bieces und plown to bits : 
 
 So now I will go mit mine self to Haus 
 
 Schbne Hexe ! Mit dir isfs aits ! 
 
 I can shtand a crate deal," he said mit a sigh, 
 
 "But not der Teufel und so good-pye ! 
 
 Py dis atfenture I plainly see 
 
 Dot two of a trade can nefer agree : 
 
 Ven von has tolled de oder can t tell. 
 
 Und a belle, if a witch, is afraid of a Bell. :j 
 
 " Sehr gehingcn" remark der Schulmeister . 
 " Well tone. De reason vy witches cannot 
 pear to hear church-bells ring is dis dot mit 
 efery shtroke ven dey ring de Hcxc must her 
 breat in-hold, till de sound dies away so 
 dot if der Sexdon ring fery strong und long 
 dey kits most to deat choke-strangled 
 worser as when you yourselfs burnin Sulphur 
 in-breathe. Ja, dot is drue ! Now de Vitches 
 lofe to make Sturms mit Donner und Blitz und 
 for dis dey in de cloudts ride, de crops to destroy 
 126 
 
Germany Tyrol. 
 
 ash is veil pe-known. And of dot I mine- 
 Self do a ballad know " 
 
 " Sing it," gry de gompany. 
 
 So he sang : 
 
 DE WUNDERFOLL PEASE. 
 
 Karl der Student 
 
 Was dot kind of a Mann 
 Vherefer he vent 
 
 He learn all dot he can; 
 He hat kenned de Walschers in Italy, 
 Und dravelled in Deutschland dings to see. 
 So gar among de Frenchers in France ; 
 Vhere was somedings to learn he ne er lossed a chance. 
 Vherever he go 
 
 Or vherefer he wander d, 
 On earth pelow 
 
 His time vas ne er squandered, 
 Und derefore in time ash his Industrie meritet, 
 He got to pe fery excessifely er-u-dite. 
 
 One day in Lavern 
 
 Near de town of La Roche, 
 He sot in a tavern 
 
 A-waitin de coach, 
 
 Und foundt an old Buck. Says he, " Dere s a minute 
 I ll yoost dake a look und see vot may pe in it ; " 
 Tvas a werk on Magic and Divination, 
 Und in he read dis Incantation : 
 127 
 
Hans Ereitmann in 
 
 " Take a Jiuman skull 
 
 And let it pe full 
 
 Of church-yart earf , 
 
 Und next in dot dirt 
 
 Tree peas dou must sow, 
 
 Und denn let em grow 
 
 Till anoder crop 
 
 Shbrings out of de Kop ; 
 
 Und denn, if you blease, 
 
 Pick all of de Peas, 
 
 Und next) mit regard, 
 
 Keep } em all till dty re hard, 
 
 Und denn to see fun 
 Load em into a gun, 
 Und fire dem off, oop into de sky, 
 Hut look out vhenyou shoot dot you aim de gun high? 
 
 Karl hadn t no dime to read any more, 
 Vhen de coach com a rottlin oop at de door ; 
 So he drafelled avay boot dot charm vot he read, 
 Somehow would nefer go out of his head ; 
 Nor de gurious manner in vitch he come by it, 
 Dill von tay he shwore, " Donncrwetter, I ll try it ! 
 Vhet er der teufel pe in it or not. 
 I would like yoost to see vot ll coom of de shot." 
 So he got an old skull, secundum artem. 
 Und in it he blanted de peas to start em, 
 Und dey shprouted undoubted so frisch und fine, 
 Und growed to a fery mocknificent vine, 
 128 
 
Germany T yroL 
 
 Ash all dings grow from churchyard sods, 
 Till dere hung from it many well-ripen t pods ; 
 Und vhen dey were hard peyond a doubt, 
 Der Student gaddered und shelled dem out, 
 Und he note mit amaze vhen he come to pull it, 
 Dot avery one vas ash hard as a bullet. 
 
 Dus having pegun, 
 
 He dook an old gun, 
 Ash quaint a Bix ash you efer did see, 
 
 Datet M.D.C. . . . 
 Inlaidt mit silfer und ivory, 
 
 Mit a curious lock, 
 
 Und an epony shtock 
 On which was inlaid und dis is de trut : 
 Domine dirige " Lord help me shoot ! " 
 Ven harm charged it mit excellent powder, 
 Proceedet mit paper and peas to crowd her, 
 You d hafe dinked dot he wouldt have himself ex 
 ploded, 
 Mit haste so impatient , gut tvas loaded. 
 
 Now yoost at dot minute, 
 
 Like teufels were in it 
 A dunderin , thunderin , derriple shtorm 
 Came boorstin apout, all ofer de farm, 
 Enof to greate a trementous alarm, 
 
 Mit drees doun crashing 
 
 Und blitzen a-vlashin , 
 
 129 i 
 
 fl 
 
Hans Ereitmann in 
 
 De wind a roaring mit terriple sound, 
 
 Und der fery old teufel to pay all round, 
 
 Vhile yoost oferhet in risible sight 
 
 Came a Cloud ash gloomy and dark as Night ; 
 
 Dere vas Somedings in it so vild und grimm 
 
 Dot look yoost ash if it were comin for Him ! 
 
 Like a Dragon dot vouldt if it had de apility 
 
 Go for him smack mit de ootmost hostility, 
 
 Und aldough soosh a veelin most cerdainly damnin is 
 
 It woke in der Student & gandiuni certaminis 
 
 When you swear you " don t care if te foe can lick 
 
 ten o me, 
 
 Gife me a shanse und I ll fly at de enemy." 
 Und so dis redoubtaple Musen-sohn, 
 Mit an Ave Maria, put oop his gun, 
 Und remem brin vot de Bitch told him he should, 
 Aimed his parrel ash high as ever he could ; 
 Perpendicular unto de shky, 
 At de cloud s mittel he denn let vly ; 
 Slap he sent her 
 Right into de centre ; 
 Und nefer on earth vas a gun dot rung 
 Mit soosh a trementous und horrible " BOONG ! " 
 It vas hearet, I sh wears you oopon my soul ! 
 All de way ofer de whole Tirol ! 
 
 Boot oh vot horrors ! 
 
 Ven doun from de shky 
 Somedings not porous 
 
 Seemed for to vly, 
 130 
 
Germany Tyrol. 
 
 Somedings solid mitout jocosity 
 
 Coomed shootin to eart mit de ootmosd felocity ! 
 
 Id fell peside him yoost on de shpot 
 
 Oont it vas a human peings bet Gott! 
 
 A female corpus 
 Nod von dings or todder 
 
 A ding amorpus 
 Vot maket him shooder ! 
 Id seemet his plood to ice to convert, 
 Vhen he saw d dis Horror coom shootin downvart ! 
 
 Ja wohl, ja iuohl,ja wohl,ja ivohl ! 
 A woman s trest in a black Camisol^ 
 A shpecies of woollen garment ; which is 
 Especially worn py feminine vitches 
 
 Vhen dey ride in a shtorm, 
 
 Pecause id is warm ; 
 
 So aldough id serfes fery well to protect her, 
 Id is also known as a vitch detector. 
 
 Denn soon all de beoples gaddered around 
 To look at de corpse lyin dere on de ground ; 
 Till von saidt : " I know her upon my soul ! 
 Dis de vickedest Vitch in all Tirol ! 
 
 Deres isn t a Hex 
 
 Of all de sex, 
 
 Nor a Teufclskind of de Compagnie, 
 Dot has made so moosh droples or efils as she ; 
 None of dem all so horrid vt grob is, 
 Ave Maria or a pro no bis / 
 
Hans Breitmann in Germany Tyrol. 
 
 Dis is de shtory. Id all is o er, 
 But Karl nefer vent on such hoonting no more \ 
 Yet dis ding for a Moral he learned py de py : 
 Vhcn you go for pig game always aim your gun 
 hizh ! 
 
 132 
 
 
CHAPTER VII. 
 
 A SHTORY FROM BOTZEN DE DEAD HEAD VOT 
 MAKE DE FORTUNE OF DER STUDENT JOHANNES. 
 
 "Circa annum Domini 1200 in Vienna repertum 
 fuit Caput cujusdam defuncti, lingua ad hue Integra, 
 cum labiis, et loquebatur recte. Episcopo autem in- 
 terrogante, qualis fuisset in vita, respondit : * Ego eram 
 paganus et judex in hoc loco, nee unquam lingua mea 
 protulit iniquam sententiam, quare enim mori non 
 possum donee aqua baptism! renatus ad coelum 
 evolem, quare propter hac gratiam apud Deum merui. 
 Baptizato igitur capite, statim lingua in favillam 
 corruit et spiritus ad Dominum evolavit." Wernerus 
 Rolevinck Larensis, de Westphalia (Lib. i. c. 5). 
 
 IT was all in de Stadt Botzen in Tirol, dot der 
 Herr Breitmann shmoked a pipe in a garten 
 under trees mit his friendts a-diskurririn idly 
 as it war mit Abwcsenhcit or Absentness of 
 Mind. All at a glance he say : 
 133 
 
Hans Ereitmann in 
 
 " Vas it efer to you in a Gallerie befal dat 
 you all at vonce dink you sees some long for- 
 gotted friend or tistant scene ; yoost as if you 
 enshanted war und ven you to yourself gckom- 
 men bist you find dot it only a picture is 
 ja und perhops only a liddle like de vision of 
 your Soul. Nun, dis tay as I vas bass de Street 
 along, it mineself come ofer dat I see a friendt 
 dot dis t irty yar gepuried lies so drue und 
 reel as couldt pe dock wenn I like again up- 
 gewaked bin id was only an old Gotisch 
 shteinkop dot from a stone-carvin heraus stuck. 
 I really dinked it seemed to pe a laughin at 
 me." 
 
 "Kami sein" reblied a friend. " Dere ish 
 shtrange dales pout some of dem old headts. 
 Dere is von in Florence man says dot it was 
 once a real lifin Monch, vot got into shtone ge- 
 putrified or vcrstcinert, as a punishmendt 
 pecause he maket fun of a griminal dot fore-by 
 goin to pe beheaded was. Und dot Kopf still 
 py Santa Maria Maggiore to be seen is fery 
 wondervoll to pehold." 
 
 u Und yet dereto," add der Herr Rumpel- 
 134 
 
Germany *Tyrol. 
 
 meyer, " und more wunderfuller ist de htstoria 
 how in Vienna im Yar Twelf-hundert, a human 
 headt upge-dugged war, dot was all alive -ja, 
 ganz Icbendig. Und it shpoke de beoples 
 Lateinisch schr gut in Latin und ask vot 
 yar it vos, und vanted to know vedder Chris 
 tianity hot coom along yet ? Denn der Epis- 
 copus talked it in Latin, und der Kopf say : I 
 was a pagan in de Roman dime, und I was 
 Judcx or Shoodge in dis blace. Und pecause I 
 nefer pronouncet a lie in all mine life, und nefer 
 an unyoost sentence spoked to any man, it was 
 ordainet dat I should not die und go mit de oder 
 Heat ens, but live till I could pe paptized a 
 Christian. Denn der Bischof baptize dot het 
 when all at vonce it died und fell into doost 
 und from it a shpirit rosed oop to Heafen." 
 
 "y#, dot is a peautiful shtory," resumet der 
 Rumpelmayer after a short pause mit a long 
 trink of bier " und yet dere is also a more 
 wunderfoller von of a Student who was geborn 
 in dis fery town of Botzen, dot I in an old 
 manuscript hafe readt. Und } mit Erlaubniss, 
 if you hermit, dot tale I vill also norrate 
 135 
 
Hans Breitmann in 
 
 pointedly, yoost as it is set doun in a Chronik 
 in AH-Deutsch vitch I into modern German 
 over-set will." 
 
 Denn he telled dis shtory, vitch I have here 
 into rymes rendered. But id is vort notice dot 
 dis subject of off-ge-cutted nets is so extentsife 
 dot it a Buck py itself deserfes. For dere ist de 
 headt of der physician Douban in the Arabian 
 Nights, mit de headt of Orpheus vot talket to 
 Cyrus, und dot of de priest of Jupiter, und 
 anoder von tescripet by Trallianus, und de 
 marfellously breservet headt of de Saint describet 
 in Olof Tryggvason s Saga, und De Witch s 
 Headt of dot crate und genial Mosaic-worker 
 Rider Haggard, mit afer so many more, not to 
 shpeak of de Teraphim Kopfs dot were made 
 to shpeak mit tubes und Friar Bacon s Cabut 
 /#, I a Buch write will some tay on dis wahr- 
 haftig. Boot now to de poem. 
 
 THE STUDENT AND THE HEAD. 
 
 Dere vas vonce &fahrende Student, 
 Dot is a travellin young gent- 
 Elman whose regular Cur s it is 
 To be-seek de tifferent Universities, 
 
 136 
 
 T 
 
Germany Tyrol. 
 
 Und vot is now pecomin a rarity, 
 Livin so well as he could from charity, 
 
 Makin his livin 
 
 By oder folks given 
 Votefer dey hat to shpare im Noth, 
 Som dimes bennies und som dimes Brot : 
 
 Alvays gay, 
 
 A-workin his way, 
 
 Gettin along 
 
 Mit shtories und song, 
 Und rich ven he hat in his bocket a dollar, 
 Soosh vas de life of Johannes der Scholar. 
 
 Nun, gut. Von efenin it corned to bass, 
 Dot he found himself sittin oopon de grass, 
 Veary mit walkin, to roost a-while, 
 Mit nefer a house for many a mile, 
 Nodings around him but mighdy rocks : 
 Unt he dinked, " I am now in a fery pad box. 
 I moost shleep alfresco dere is no dodgin 
 De vact und here I moost make my lodgin 
 So he seeket apout, und soon dere vas seen 
 Vot seemet to pe a liddle Ruin 
 
 Of some oldt Tempel, 
 
 A goot Exempel 
 
 Of py-gone forgotted, heidenisch Races 
 Dot worshipt in solitudinous blaces, 
 
 Dough really no man 
 
 Couldt say if dwas Roman, 
 137 
 

 Hans Breitmann in 
 
 Or if, as some offshoot from de Tuscan, 
 Id hadn t peen bildt py de early Etruscan 
 Vherein to bractise deir pagan iniquity. 
 Boot Hans nefer dinked apout dings of antiquity : 
 He only dinked as a night-sojourner, 
 Vhere he might find in de ruin a gorner 
 To shpread his blanket 
 Und afterwarts " spank it," 
 Py broke of tay from where he d peen restin , 
 Vitch was not to him in de least interestin . 
 Denn he pulled out a bread mit a biece of Wurst 
 Und a flask of Riesling to conquer his Durst, 
 
 Vitch twas difficult work 
 
 At foorst to un-cork, 
 
 So it corned to bass dot some trops of der Wein 
 Py de merestest accident fell on a Stein, 
 Und vot vas der Student s awe mit dread, 
 Ven he heard a Voice dot solemly said : 
 
 " Is t an offering from dee, 
 Stranger vitch dou pringest me ? 
 Tausend yars have bassed away, 
 Since I here neglected lay, 
 All forgotten und alone, 
 Here peneat dis altar-shtone, 
 Und vot is de fery worst, 
 Mit neer a trop to squinch my Durst ; 
 Und du bist der Erst^ allein, 
 Who has efer gived me Wein ; 
 
 138 
 
Germany TyroA 
 
 Boot if dou would st gaze on me, 
 Lift dis shtone und you will see 
 Somedings dot will you soorprize, 
 Right pefore your fery eyes." 
 
 Johannes was druly not wantin in boldness, 
 
 Boot dis dings shivert him foorst mit coldness, 
 
 Yed shakin it off to himself he say, 
 
 " I will see dis troo, let dere come vot may ! " 
 
 Und so mit a heave und denn mit a groan, 
 
 He finally liftet dot altar-shtone. 
 
 For twas derriply hard inteed to raise it, 
 
 Und ven twas done he was sore amazet ! 
 
 For the sight he peheld was py no means a common 
 
 on, 
 
 Boot a fery unusuallest phenomenon, 
 For all in a cup of porphyry red, 
 Dere lay pefore him a human head ! 
 
 Von instant he gazed in silence unproken, 
 Denn dinkin on vot de Voice had shpoken, 
 Mit fery gommendaple presence of mine, 
 He poured in de mout of de het some wine ; 
 Ven ; t smocked its lipps as vas perfegdly blain 
 Exglaimin mit tignity, " Do it again ! " 
 Und der het took it in, dough it hadn t a t rottle, 
 Oontil it exoctly half finish t de pottle, 
 Denn greatly refreshet venn dis vas done 
 Open t its talker und dus pegun : 
 139 
 
 I 
 

 Hans Breitmann in 
 
 " Ere de fery earliest hisdory dime, 
 
 Ven die Werlt und soosh dings were in deir prime, 
 
 I was priest und a leader in dis Ian , 
 
 Und gen rally reckoned an hon raple Mann ; 
 
 Liddle py liddle I rosed in learnin , 
 
 Liddle py liddle great dings discernin , 
 
 Liddle py liddle to higher station, 
 
 Dill at last I had a refelation 
 
 Dat when I a tausent goot deets had done, 
 
 My worldly career its corse would hafe run, 
 
 Und free from mortal droples und strife 
 
 I shouldt rise to de higher and heafenly life. 
 
 " Yet dere was a magus who hated me 
 Mit de spite of a Teufel, right pitterly, 
 Who had me slain ere mine course vas run, 
 Und only de half of my dask vas tone ; 
 Vitch, as sure ash de Sonn opon mordals shines, 
 Vas lignea dura fery hardt lines ! 
 Yet a Higher Power corned und said : 
 Dot I shouldt not die, aldough I vas deadt, 
 For mein het, dot my murd rer had off ge-cut, 
 Shouldt into dis fery shrine pe put, 
 Und py goot atfice to beoples in needs, 
 Shouldt work oud de rest of my excellend deeds. 
 
 " Und so it went as dis Power ordain t, 
 Dill only von hundert to do remain t. 
 Ven lo ! dis enemy of mine 
 Set de Romans on to our shrine, 
 140 
 
 
Germany Tyrol. 
 
 Vitch dose who were drue to our fait und me, 
 
 Closed oop and ruined as here you see, 
 
 Flyin away in sorrow mit tears, 
 
 Und left me von hundert still in arrears. 
 
 So now all hope is goned afay, 
 
 Und I most lie here till de Yungest Tay : 
 
 Dot is to say, dill a tay of Doom, 
 
 Mit my soul a livin in dis Tomb. 
 
 Nun, gut. You hafe gived me an instand s bleasure, 
 
 Und I dells you somedings dere is a Treasure 
 
 A lyin peneat dis fery shtone, 
 
 Und I gife it unto you, all for your own ; 
 
 You gave me vvein for vitch I did yearn, 
 
 So now I ll do somedings for you in turn." 
 
 Now dis our Johannes omnibus 
 By all was called bonus sotius 
 Or a right goot veller, und generous Mann, 
 Vot Deutschers term ein ivackrer Kumpan, 
 Und in von ding he laid all de rest on de shelf, 
 Py dinkin of oders pefore himself, 
 Vitch of all dings in all humanity, 
 Amounts to de doppermost Christianity : 
 So de instand de A^//dese worts hat spottet, 
 He holler mit yoy " DonnerwetterVvt got it ! 
 You may pet your het on a rapid escape, 
 Und dot I will get you out of dis scrape, 
 Und in twendy-four hours mitout denyin 
 Your soul will oop into Heafen go vlying : 
 Like a kite or a pird mit vings, 
 141 
 
Hans Ereitmann in 
 
 Und dis is de way to manage de dings : 
 
 Dot treasure vot you hafe given to me, 
 
 In a hundert parts shall divitet pe, 
 
 Und afery share mitout any bodder, 
 
 I ll gife to some poor devil or odder, 
 
 Und as sure ash in rifers you ll find some reeds, 
 
 Dot ll shoost make oop your hundert goot teeds, 
 
 Denn like an arrow you ll scoot afay, 
 
 Isn t it yolly ! Hip hoo hooray ! " 
 
 A shmile sdole ofer de face sedate 
 
 Of de het dot lay in de porph ry blate, 
 
 Unt dus to Johannes it did say : 
 
 " Dou art formed I ween of de finest clay 
 
 Dot men are made of." To put it " quick," 
 
 It meant to say that Hans vas a brick, 
 
 Und ve most admit, regardin dis yout 
 
 Dot der Head vasn t fery far off from de trut . 
 
 But it only remarkt : u Pray dake de treasure, 
 
 Und go und pestow it avay at your bleasure, 
 
 As dou hast saidt, among de boor, 
 
 Und denn, return to dis blace vonce more." 
 
 Hans liftet der shtone as he d peen told, 
 Und foundt von hundert bieces of gold, 
 Und to cut it short, der fery next tay, 
 Vent trav lin apout on de sharity lay, 
 Und founded de trut of de sayin dot givin 
 Is forty dimes petterer foon dan receive 5 n. 
 142 
 
Germany Tyrol. 
 
 Dere s noding so schweet vile on eart we live 
 Dot is to say when we ve got it to give 
 Got it to give imd dink we can spare it 
 Dere is de point on which turns de merit 
 Of cuttin out slices you might call dem frustrumers 
 Nun Hans knew de roadts und hat plenty of cus 
 tomers, 
 
 Und vit in a tay all de cash hat gone vlyin 
 So happy und gay he return d to de shrine. 
 
 De curtain of tarkness had gaddered o er 
 
 De Bett of Night ash he com d to de toor, 
 
 When lo ! pefore his stonish t sight 
 
 Dere stoot a wondrous Vision of light : 
 
 Vitch seemet oonto his shtartled mind 
 
 De fairy-est sort of de angel kind, 
 
 Or else,/^r contra, to poot id square, he 
 
 Might call it de most angelic-al fairy ; 
 
 Anyhow doun on his knees he fell, 
 
 Und said " Now I see id has all gone well ! " 
 
 " Yea," say de Vision, " Danks to dee. 
 
 All has inteed gone well mit me ; 
 
 For de insdant de last of dem coins was spent, 
 
 Up to de sky in dis form I went, 
 
 Und now I redurn boot for vonce, mine Sohn, 
 
 To dank dee for all of de goot dou hast tone." 
 
 " Gratias tibi" quot Hans, " Dough you ve saidt it, 
 
 I really ton t dink I teserfe any credit 
 
 143 
 

 Hans Ereitmann in Germany Tyrol. 
 
 For roonin apout und cuttin a dash, 
 
 Und doin 5 of goot oopon oder folk s cash ; 
 
 Most beople wouldt find it exdremely funny 
 
 Helpin de boor if you d find dem de money : 
 
 Now if de money hat peen mine own, 
 
 I d have shpent it all oopon you alone, 
 
 I shvears I vouldt done it yoost de same 
 
 Und denn I d have hat som sort of a claim ; 
 
 Boot as id is, I only, sure, 
 
 Hafe had a goot dime relievin de boor ! " 
 
 Ue Spirit smilin replied, " I see, 
 Boot \idot is dy idea of a spree, 
 Vitch might de hardest Temperance soften, 
 It s a bity you cannot go on em more often. 
 If dis is de vay you always act, 
 I dells you Johannes und it is a fact 
 If on soosh dissipation you ofden go it, 
 You ll get to Heafen before you know it ; 
 Toornet to an Angel, und dot is drue, 
 Dot is vot happens to rowdies like you: 
 Nun gut, mein Sohn peneat yon shtone, 
 Lies a pigger Schatz dan de previous von. 
 Take it und puy dee a county and castle, 
 Dere is de specie go do up de parcel." 
 
 Johannes follet de angel s word, 
 Und grew d to pe an opulent Lord. 
 Dis Story teaches itself its lesson, 
 So needs no moral. Denn dake my plessin ! 
 144 
 

 ^ 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 OX TYROLESE FIG-COFFEE UND DE SOCIOLOGICAL 
 DEDUCTIONS FROM IT. MIT A BALLADE 
 APOUT DIS DING OF CHEMICAL METAGENESES 
 UND MYSDERIOS METASTASES. 
 
 " Dass einst die Chemie im Bunde mit den anderen 
 Naturwissenschaften alle moglichen Nahrungsmit- 
 tel kunstlich herstellen vverde." WERNER VON 
 SIEMENS. 
 
 Go vhere you may in a Tiroler toun und 
 esbecially in Innsbruck you will berceife 
 shdealin over de air a Schmcll vitch, in dime, 
 unto you so Tyrolean pecomes dot yoost ash 
 Bic.r und ratishes do Munich recal or violets 
 Florence so dis odour or anydnig like it pring 
 to mind a handbill vitch eferywhere to be seen 
 is mit a bicture of a ferocious Gamsjdgcr or 
 145 K 
 
Hans Ereitmann in 
 
 chamois hunter, und die Worts, Accht Tyroler 
 Feigen-Kajfe, or " Genuine Tyrolese Fig-Coffee." 
 De aroma in question vitch is somedings like 
 de bouquet de brown sugar burning mit toast- 
 from de Fabrik or factories proceeds vhere dis 
 Aid to de Afflicted in Purse is made. In tashte 
 it is, as der Americaner said, "Not excisely 
 nice nor prezactly nasty" und he who it has 
 hat de misfordune to trink, will (if he knows 
 dem), find it not so nasty, nor poisonous to de 
 liver nor injurious to de nerves as chicory in 
 fact no petter nor vorse dan de cafe dot is made 
 of acorns, or rye or wheat, or sweet-potatoes or 
 ground nuts or peas, or peans or burnt maize 
 grits or most of such peverages as pecame 
 familiar unto our soldiers as well as to de First 
 Families of de Sout ? during de American Civil 
 War. To my own balate de Chicory-cafe as 
 dispenset at all de first-class hotels in Germany 
 peginnin wit the fery first in Cologne is py 
 far de most unpleasantest in daste, as it is for 
 healt de worst as is seen py too many sallow 
 shildren and girls who are specially poisoned 
 mit it. 
 
 146 
 
Germany Tyro/. 
 
 De fig-caffe is howefer mate indo a paste witch 
 into imitation coffee seeds or peans 1 is fabricated 
 witch looks brecisely like real caffe a process 
 witch is quite iiberfliissig, as Picks do not look 
 like any soosh dings oonless de object pe to 
 sooply schwindlin small grocers mit somedings 
 to bass off for real cafe which dey indeed do 
 all ofer Europe on de poor danks to Tyroler 
 enderprize und infentiveness ! Of all which 
 crate enterprizers und infentors whedder dey 
 pe known ash Promoters, Speculators, Syndi- 
 cators, Floaters, Trusters, Stock-Investors for de 
 Ignorant, Money Lenders mit no Fees Required, 
 Sand und Sugar Mixers or Coffee-bean imitators 
 I can only reecho de prief yudgement of Herr 
 Breitmann " Tamil de whole lot /" 
 
 Vhen he saidt dis memoraple ding, it was in 
 
 1 Cafe Beans Bohnen. Der Herr George Augustus 
 Sala in dot inderestin Buch of his : " Dings I hafe 
 seened und Beoples I hafe knowed," fery broperly 
 remarks dot " That which is erroneously known as a 
 bean is in reality the seed oi a berry" (vol. ii. p. 59). 
 Und he is quite right. But der is also an error in 
 callin cherry und peach-seeds shtones, und I am not 
 morally sure apout orange-pips. 
 147 
 
Hans Ereitmann in 
 
 a cafe where man had really servet him mit goot 
 Mocha und id vas his amazement und telight 
 at findin such a ding in a land where German 
 gespoken was, dot led to dese casual remarks on 
 Fig-Coffee. Py him sat der Herr Schwefel- 
 brenner, a tistinguished Chemicus und he, 
 after a bause opservet : 
 
 u Dot is all fery drue Shickory is a poison 
 und Fick Cafe is nashty, boot dou shouldst 
 remetnper dot dere moost a peginnin pe to all 
 dings und py and py, die Chemie de fery 
 aroma und perfection of coffee will gife, very 
 sheap. Meandimes " 
 
 " Ja," remark der Student, " but it is dot ad 
 interim vitch is doin more harm dan all your 
 infentions are wort. I asked a Kettner in a crate 
 hotel vy dey poot shickory indo de cafe. Vot ! 
 he esglaim, * Don t you like it ? All our guesds 
 like a liddle, yoost to improfe de flavour. 
 Most beoples prefer it, Sir. I ashk a cook in 
 dis town pout nek cafe. Veil, he say, - We 
 poot yoost a liddle in to gife a fine colour und 
 pody to de cafe beoples like to see dot. Now 
 dis is all simbly mean schwindlin. If a man 
 148 
 
Germany T yrol. 
 
 pays you goot money in full, and ashks for butter 
 or cafe you hafe no right to sell him Oleomarga 
 rine or fick-paste, no matter how goot it is. If 
 you do, you are a low scamp a Hallunke und 
 noding else. Und dot wort, yoost a Uddle to 
 improve it, always cofers a lie it mean fifty 
 per cent. Now we are alfays hearin gom- 
 plaints of de exclusifeness of Society, and how 
 beople is look t doun oopon pecause of deir 
 callin s. Nun, gut vhen de retailin class in all 
 de valks of life shtop sellin ficksund shickory for 
 cafe und lyin apout it denn de greatest parrier 
 to equality will pe remofed argue de point ash 
 man will. Goot Society howefer padly it suc 
 ceeds means Honour und Dignity or it tries 
 to." 
 
 " Truly I admit all dot," rebly der Brofessor, 
 " but I dink you should not gonfound de mere 
 rascals who perfert Chcmie, mit men of Science. 
 Vot I say is, dot ere long Science will gife to 
 Alan wholesom und acreeaple food, ad libitum, 
 fery sheap, so dot an immense amount of sufferin 
 moost pecome reliefed. Dus we can alreaty make 
 Oleomargarine, vitch is truly bona-fide butter 
 149 
 
Hans Breitmann in 
 
 und only has a pad name, pecause a crate deal 
 berhaps most of it is made py rascals who 
 manufacture it from vile trash sheaply. Und 
 aprobos of dis, Meine Herren it is fery curios 
 dot der vas, efen in de most anciendt dimes, an 
 Idee dot Butter couldt esbecially by Witches 
 pe maked out of gommon, sogar nashty dings. 
 Dus in a Buck, named Der Glilckstopf py 
 Johannes Praetorious of 1669, I foundt dis 
 say in 
 
 Kiihedreck und Butter 
 Kombt von einer Mutter. 
 
 Und chemically dot is someding like true. 
 Und die Perfumers hafe peen accuset mit some 
 inyustis of usin dis inderesdin soopstance (vitch 
 is inteed holy and sacred in India), to make 
 sehweet fragrances mit und no ashtonishing- 
 ness do I derein find vhen I dinks dot Man 
 gets tree telicious aromas from coal alone mit 
 a bouquet dat schmell so goot ash nefer vas 3/0 
 und if you will rememper dot in 1851 dere was 
 exhibit at de World s Fair in London four 
 pottles of goot shpirits made from der shmoke 
 of a factory shimney, you may add to dese de 
 J50 
 

 Germany Tyrol. 
 
 otto of whiskey dot der Englander Thackeray 
 mention. Ach du Liebcr Gott ! "-he added mit 
 enthusiasm-" Vhen I dinks of de Hydro-carbons 
 denn I veel mine soul schwim in holy fisions of 
 de future, und my religiose Gefuhl exbress itself 
 
 in my 
 
 " CREDO." 
 
 " Dis is de true und only Creed 
 In vitch I do pelieve indeed ; 
 All dings, as de Chemie dells, 
 Can pe made of Someding Else. 
 As Lime is made of Oyster Shells, 
 Und bottles oft are turned to bells 
 Und shtinkin clings to lofely shmells, 
 So from bitumen, at command, 
 We kit de shweet pate d amandc, 
 Also anoder vitch dey say 
 Is somedings like de Ess Bouquet. 
 Und out of Coal as may pe seen 
 Wax cantles dot is paroffine, 
 An oil dere mit vitch pring de dollars 
 Und many kinds of lofely colours ; 
 I cannot dell oopon my soul 
 Vot dis you cannot make from coal. 
 Und also Bread as com it must 
 From wood ven sawed dot is de dust, 
 So dot in efery trunk ve ll see 
 In dime to com a bread-fruit dree. 
 
 s 
 
Hans Ereitmann in 
 
 From wood we mak too dot is queer 
 Ash I hafe seen, de best Papier, 
 Und cider oft abbears again 
 Upon our daple as champagne ; 
 Und so twill pe ven we are gone 
 Dis shange of soobject vill go on, 
 Und tifferent kinds of tifferent dings 
 From tifferent sorts of objects shbrings, 
 Oontil 
 
 Ja dot is enough of dot de soopyect of 
 Transformations is capabel of moosh commen 
 tation." 
 
 " Das ist wahr," reblied der Student. " Und 
 I know a fery curiose ballade of an oldt shtory 
 dot illusdratet it foorst rate." 
 
 Und mitout vaitin to pe asket, opservin a 
 shmile in de affirmative in all de circum- 
 surrounding countenances, he dock oop de 
 guitar, und mit an arpeggio began as follows : 
 
 DER ALTE TAPPEINER. 
 
 Vherefer in dis worldt we go, 
 Dere s farious fancies as we know. 
 Soom dake a pride in wicketness, 
 Soom trow demselfs afay on tress, 
 152 
 
Germany Tyrol. 
 
 Ja, grovved-oop men oft show deir follies 
 In tressing oop deir liddle Dollies 
 Py vitch we blainly see oh friendt 
 Dot all are shildren in de Endt. 
 
 But of all trash, 
 To say de least, 
 Is to sbend all your cash 
 On your weddin feast ; 
 To trow avery cent on your friendts avay, 
 Und hafe nodding to eat on de vollerin tay 
 Vitch still to de present, 
 Fool many a peasant 
 In de Tirol continues to do, 
 Und vile a shtarvin he ll say to you : 
 "You dink I am boor, and it truly may pe, 
 Boot nopody hat a weddin 1 like me ; 
 Und it shtill is de talk of all in de shpot, 
 I shpent all I hat in de vorlt, py Gott ! 
 Dere s noding like goin it ven you try, 
 Und I wasn t wed in a gorner not I." 
 So de Irish peasants in Donegal 
 Shpend all a man leaves on his funeral ; 
 Und to make for a day a show observe 
 On de next dey leave his shildren to starve 
 So in de Tyrol, 
 I peliefe on my soul, 
 
 If a girl must choose ; not harm de room ; 
 She d prefer de wedding unto de groom : 
 For you can find fellers as pees find honey, 
 153 
 
 
Hans Breitmann in 
 
 In avery field, ven de vedder is sunny, 
 
 But to hafe a swell weddin costs lashins of money, 
 
 De whole of it meanin as veil we know 
 
 De mainspring of vulgar minds is Show ! 
 
 Videlicet monstrari digit o, 
 
 To pe dalked apotit no matter py whom, 
 
 To pe pointed at in avery room, 
 
 To pe stared at in any company, 
 
 No matter how low de starers may pe. 
 
 Und oh vot ropturous etereal vapour 
 
 Dey breat e at seein deir names in de paper ! 
 
 E en if dey sended dem in demself, 
 
 No matter dey re dere on de public shelf ! 
 
 Mit dieves und American millionaires, 
 
 Bolice reports und all fancy wares, 
 
 Und similar trash with noding in t, 
 
 No matter deir names are dere, inprint! 
 
 Nun, in Tyrol dere is a blace 
 
 Of vitch a proferb say mit grace, 
 
 Dot " Pinet, Lcchtl und Jappein 
 
 Sein die drei schonsten Hof, die im Landl sein" 
 Or dot " Pinet, Lechtl, Tappein at command 
 Are de tree finest blaces in all de Land." 
 Tappein of dem is de best position, 
 Und in it vonce lifed an olt Magician 
 Who could do all kind of wunderfoll dings 
 Whose memorie shtill troo de country rings : 
 Item. He couldt toorn dust into salt, 
 Item. De vorst of dirt into malt, 
 154 
 
Germany Tyrol. 
 
 Item. Screws into goot horses to suit ye 
 
 Item an ugly girl to a peauty ; 
 
 Item. Afder a short diagnosis 
 
 He d work any kind of a metamorphosis 
 
 Ash Italian artists by avocation 
 
 Toorn any old Daub to a Transfiguration, 
 
 Und a Pintorello to what dey sell 
 
 For a shplendid, undoubted Raphael. 
 
 Nun, gut in dese dings der old scamp was a shiner 
 
 Und beople call d him Der alte Tappeincr. 
 
 Near py, dere lifed a lofely maiden, 
 
 Who mit sorrow was oberladen ; 
 
 A girl who was proud as she was poor ; 
 
 No fery uncommon ding to pe sure ; 
 Und de gause of her drople was dis, d ye see, 
 Dot she ere long ge-married moost pe 
 To a man whom she lofed. Tvvas curios, 
 Yet nod afder all soosh a sinkular case. 
 Und de gause of her crief may all pe said in 
 Few worts dat she couldn t afford a fine weddin 
 Mit a regular swell und elegant feast, 
 Vhere efery man could get trunk ash a peast, 
 On wine of the pest de whole py night 
 To endt in a Rauferci, or fight 
 Mit Stossrings, vists und leeks of chairs ; 
 Denn twould pe heardt und averywheres 
 " Tvas de vinest Weddin dot efer I saw, 
 Mit all dot we wanted und more gelt ja /" 
 155 
 
Hans Breitmann in 
 
 Ntmvon night as she sat 
 
 Like a woe-begone cat 
 Full of de dismals, horrors und doomps, 
 Vorse dan a plue teufel down mit de moomps 
 Or a Pessimist in de Slough of Despond, 
 Or any soosh sorryfool vacapond, 
 Lookin altogeder as if she were mighty 
 Far gone in low spirits und tcsdiuni vita?, 
 In a wild strange blace py de light of de moon 
 Vhere a torrent roared in a monotune 
 Py a dark cafern openin dere, 
 
 Dot von might have schwored was de Cave of Tespair, 
 Ash she heafed a sigh in de mournfollest mood, 
 Der alte Tappeiner pefore her shtood. 
 
 Mit movin force "Mein shild " saidt he, 
 " I know de cause of dy misery, 
 Und if I moost druly the truth confess 
 Dou has fery goot reason for wretchedness : 
 For de beoples is all peginnin to say, 
 Dot if you e er com to a weddin tay, 
 Id will pe de meanest upon my soul ! 
 Dot efer was seen in der Land Tirol, 
 De shappiest und most poferdy-strucken, 
 De cheapest und mostest Gott-forsucken, 
 Und dot in all dime forefer on 
 Id will pe ash De Peggar s Weddin known. 
 Und all at your name will laugh und hiss, 
 fa nodin couldt pe so tiscraceful as dis ; 
 
 156 
 
German y Tyroi . 
 
 Und id vills my soul mit sympatie, 
 For dis I am coomed to weep mit dee ! " 
 
 Now vhen he hat said 
 
 Dese Worts, de Maid 
 
 Her name was Pauline hat a crate sensation 
 Of rage mit horror und admiration, 
 All in a serial concatenation, 
 Rage at de Comperendination, 
 Dot is "delay" of de nuptialization, 
 Horror at de recapitulation 
 Of all dot caused her desperation, 
 Mingled mit fery crate opprobation 
 Of de fery exact exemplification 
 Of all dot caused her humiliation ; 
 Aldough it hurt worse dan scarification, 
 Or tearin de flesh py excarnification 
 Nun, gut she was prought to a peaudiful shtate, 
 Ash der wizard wanted of shame und hate, 
 Und to raise de wind for her marriage-revel, 
 Reaty to go mit herself to de tevil. 
 
 Und denn mit a foice dot was kind und sad : 
 He saidt, " It may pe dot dings are not so pad ; 
 From all kints of drople dere s some esgape, 
 Und alvays a way out of avery scrape ; 
 Und if you had only courage and spirit 
 De fence a nt so high but vot you may clear it ; 
 But dot is de quesdion hafe you de courage?" 
 Now dis Pauline for a maiden of 
 157 
 
Hans Ereitmann in 
 
 As all dot knowed her did soon atmit, 
 
 Was fery well off for sand und grit, 
 
 Vitch mak s friendts und foes since remarkaply odd 
 
 it is 
 
 We admire vhile we fear dese sterling commodities, 
 So mit a grim shmile she answered " You 
 Hat petter dell me vot I moost do : 
 Tuneoop your fiddle, und oben de Rail, 
 I dinks I can tanz if courage is ail." 
 
 Der alte Tappeiner regart de maid 
 Mit admiradion und denn he said : 
 " Dis worlt ist all gomposet of lies, 
 In farious colours of avery size, 
 
 Lies apout men, 
 
 Und lies apout women ; 
 
 Und Lies acain 
 
 Apout Averyding human, 
 Lies apout Poferty, lies apout Riches, 
 Lies apout womens a vearin de preeches, 
 Lies apout avery Somepody vitch is 
 Petter ash oders especially Witches, 
 Who are really, of all, de fery pest, 
 Und py far de most misrepresentedest ; 
 For dough tis not generally oondershtood 
 Dey basses deir dime in doin good." 
 (Sotto voce, " good to demselfs.") 
 " Und ash for de shtories of Teufels und Elfs 
 Dey are mosdly inshpir d py noding but malice, 
 Und all moost pe daken cum grano salts. 
 
 158 " 
 
Germany T yroL 
 
 Und in our eyes dere so moosh dust is 
 
 Regardin all dis, dot to do dem yoostis, 
 
 Shpeakin of dem de actual verity, 
 
 Dey are oonly a kind of Sisders of Sharity, 
 
 Mit penevolent aims of vitch de result is 
 
 Dey lofe to help beople in tifficulties, 
 
 Und most of all to assisdt a maiden 
 
 Who vants a stylish und handsome veddin ; 
 
 Deir brinciples dake em for all in all, 
 
 Are de Communistic Ideal, 
 
 Omnium-gatherum Liberal, 
 
 Mixtum-compositum Social, 
 
 Nefer a-droplin 1 demselfs mit diforces, 
 
 Flyin apout on prooms for horses, 
 
 Leadin soosh peaudiful practical lives 
 
 Dey ve no dime to dink apout hoospans or wifes ; 
 
 Sailin so fast dey forget de cargo, 
 
 Moosh ash de beople life in Chicago : 
 
 Vitch of all blaces peneat de sun 
 
 Is a Witches Nest if dere efer vas von. 
 
 Now if you vish to hoppy pe, 
 
 You hat petter yoin de Society, 
 
 Und denn my tear you will hafe, I ween, 
 
 Soosh a woonderful Weddin ash ne r er was seen." 
 
 Paulina lisden t to afery wort, 
 Und schwallow it doun but de half she heardt 
 Was enof to convert her ash von may say- 
 She met der Tappeiner more dan half way ; 
 -59 
 
Hans Ereitmann in 
 
 So dey make t a trade, und de fery first ding 
 He promist to make her a gay wed-ding, 
 Mit soosh a drementous und shplendid feast 
 Ash nefer vas seen from West to East 
 Or from Nort to Soui or from Pole to Pole 
 Or anywhere else in ganz Tirol. 
 
 Den at de last 
 Dere came de weddin , 
 
 Ven dime was past 
 Und the guests were bidden ; 
 Fiinf hundert beople none left pehind 
 Hungry ash wolfs dot s peen livin on wind ; 
 For devourin and scowrin all of von mind, 
 Soosh as at rural tinners you find. 
 Und twas berfectly blain ven you look at der taple 
 Der wizard had done vot art was aple, 
 Knowin fery well vot fisch und flesh meant 
 In afery form for human refreshment, 
 Und noding dot could e er be missed 
 Py de sarco-ichthyophagist. 
 Everyding for nutriment, 
 Dot Natur in Tyrol has sent, 
 Dainties, victuals ediple 
 In quantity incrediple ; 
 Meat mit prog comestible, 
 Und afery dings digestible, 
 First de hors doeuvres dot coom from France 
 Mit many apiece dc resistance, 
 1 60 
 
Germany Tyrol. 
 
 Peaches in preserve mit quinces, 
 
 Fricasses, ragouts und minces, 
 
 Broth und Supp^ spoon-meat, pasty, 
 
 Caviar vot some dinks nasty 
 
 Puddins, bies mit omelette, 
 
 Anchovies de taste to whet, 
 
 Lofely custards at your winkin , 
 
 Butterbrod mit beef und Schinken ; 
 
 Averyding in de way of Victuals, 
 
 Toornin spits und shteamin kittles 
 
 Oxens roasted whole mit Schwein 
 
 Und donnerwetter ! ach der Wein ! 
 
 Parrels of Wein, und Wein in pottles, 
 
 Wein from der Rhein for dusty t rottles, 
 
 Flasks vot look like long processions 
 
 Of holy monks a-gifin blessin s ! 
 
 For dey seem like priests dot are long robes 
 
 dres t in, 
 Und dese to der crowd were most interestin ! 
 
 Nun dey coom to der feast, boot yoost ash de Lady, 
 Or Bride, was a goin to say, " Tis ready !" 
 
 She grew pale mit awe 
 
 At Somedings she saw, 
 Among dose who were ready to pegin, 
 Und dat was a reverend Capuchin. 
 
 Ja ivohl, she was faint 
 
 At de sight of dot saint, 
 Und she couldn t move an arm or a leg oh ! 
 Vhen he say, " Tibi Deo, gratias ago ! " 
 
 1 
 
Hans Ereitmann in 
 
 Gott vot a sight 
 
 Of awe and affright 
 Vas peheld py all de derrified crowd 
 Ash dey ootered a shkreem remarkably loud ! 
 Und dey all ash Deutschers say were Spanished 
 Vhen right pefore dem de whole feast vanish t. 
 
 Dey shtare und dey look ; 
 
 Ja it all was a Spuk ! 
 Glamour und humpug und idle Shine, 
 Twas out mit de Vittles und out mit der Wein, 
 Out mit de hope of a gay carouse, 
 Und a regular case of Nix konnrf hcraus. 
 
 Down in der room 
 
 In a swoon fell de Groom, 
 Vhile Paulina went whirrin away on her broom ! 
 
 Now vhen dey com to examine de Feast, 
 Twas a nasty show for to say de least, 
 Und man wouldt hafe said dot sight to see, 
 Id was yoost de stoff vitch moderne Chcmic 
 Mit de aid of retorts, und acids und kittles, 
 Vould toorn, if it could, into peaudifool vittles. 
 
 1 Das kommt mir Spanisch vor. "So wird von einer Sache 
 gesagt die befremdct, nnangenehm, wohl anch komisch wirkt. 
 Dat looks Spanish to me is said of any ding dot is strange dis- 
 acreeable und queer." So say der Borchhardt in his Buch on 
 German Proferbs. Der Goethe xise dis exbression in his 
 Egmont (III. 2). " Ich versprach dir, einmal Spanisch zu 
 kommen." 
 
 162 
 
Germany Tyrol. 
 
 Und fery poor food to marry on, 
 
 For de meat vas all horriple carrion 
 
 Or Aas dot is, of ass und horse, 
 
 Vitch is rader poor food for a regular course, 
 
 Dough the Paris Hippophage Society 
 
 Dink it is nice py way of variety ; 
 
 De apples too were only fates, 
 
 Dat is of de fery peculiar species, 
 
 Dat oncet remark t, " Pehold how we shwim," 
 
 Und nefer fell from no opple-drees lim ; 
 
 Vhile as for de drink 
 
 Ach ! dere I must shrink 
 From gifin a gloser tetailed analysis, 
 It wasn t de sort dot you meets mit in palaces ; 
 For dough it was druly an Ur-Rhein Wein, 
 Or ancient, I cannot tescripe it asfeiu, 
 No more mine page mit soosh dings to muddle : 
 Twas vintage out of some fery old puddle ; 
 All had peen made in der Teufel s kitchen ; 
 To rival vitch is der Chemist s ambition ; 
 De cookin of vitch in Macbeth we read 
 Nun, gut Gluck sit ! Led oos hope he ll succeed ! 
 
 " Dot Ballade," remark der Herr Breitmann, 
 " hat cine gcniale Anwcndung a glefer oppli- 
 cation to vot earlier remarket has peen on 
 technical Chemistry. Therefore I dank dis 
 yung shendleman for it." 
 
 163 
 
 * 
 
Hans Breitmann in 
 
 " Was ties TeufcVs Kiiche bctrifft concerning 
 der Teufel s Kitchen," say der Student, who 
 appeared to pe a fciner Herr " in der mittel 
 age vhen Witches mit der Teufel carried on 
 deir infame liddle games of sorcery, dot was 
 called der Teufel s, or die Witches Kitchen, 
 vhence come der proverb /;/ des TcufcVs Kiiche 
 kommcn, to get into der defil s kitchen, dot mean 
 to get into drople. Somedimes it was ge-called 
 de Black Kitchen, und der Goethe uses it in dot 
 sense, vhere der Faust say : 
 
 " Mem Father vas a toubtful honest man 
 Who in de gompany of de Adepti, 
 In der Black Kitchen shoot himselfs away, 
 Und afder recipes innumeraple 
 Poured indo von vot is most gontrary. " r 
 
 u Nun gut" say der Breitmann, "may we all 
 pe proud of it und trink ! Vivat Scqucnz ! " 
 " Sequenz" remark der Herr Doctor who hat 
 
 1 Faust I. 686. Dis is from der Herr Breitmann his dransla- 
 tion of Faust dot will pooplisht pe ven von hundert tausend 
 Abonnenten or supscripers deir names to der Herr T. Fischer 
 Unwin, in-senden will, mit an autograps of de author on der 
 vlyleaf. 
 
 164 
 
Germany Tyrol. 
 
 yoost come in, " ist to remark dot I drust dot 
 our friendt der Herr Breitmann will recordt 
 soom of his Imbrcssinns tc Foyagc in der Tyrol 
 in a Buch." 
 
 "Kami sein" moormur der Breitmann, " Boot 
 venn a veller hat soosh Idees he petter keep his 
 silcntium, for ash de sayin is, 
 
 " Wer reisen will 
 
 Der schweige still ! 
 Or- 
 
 " Der drafeller s law 
 Is Holt your jaw! " 
 
 reblied der Brofessor, " It coom indo 
 mine het dot vonce on a dimes der shendleman 
 whose name we know from its pein associated on 
 de ditle-pages mit dot of our friendt Breitmann, 
 broposet when he was goin to shbend some 
 mont s in Amerika to wride some letters to a 
 London Renew. Oopon vitch der Editor re 
 mark dot dose Letters would read a goot deal 
 like 4 Dravels amoong de Cannibals py von of 
 deir Shiefs. x Und dot is vot id seems to me 
 
 1 Dis moost pe, ohne Zweifel, der Herr sit verbo 
 I cnia ! regartin whom I would remark dot if any 
 of de readers hafe any bleasure found in de Legends 
 
 165 
 
Hans Breitmann in 
 
 dot der Herr Breitmann is among dese Tyrolers 
 almost too moosh of der same colour to pe 
 distinguished Howefer as a broof of de eatin is 
 in de poodin, we shall know more pout dot vhen 
 we com to see his Bttch." 
 
 " Das hangt davrm <?/;," reply der Breitmann, 
 " Dot depends not on de soopyect more dan on 
 das Gcmiith or de humour, or feelin , or sympatie 
 of der autor s mind. Die wunderschone Frau, 
 Madame Linda Villari whose Englisch is ash 
 sweet und lovely as her face bemerks mit 
 artist s percepdion in her Italian Sketches how 
 fresh und vigorous und shtrong de Tyrolese 
 moundain-land seem compared mit dot of Italy. 
 Nuu vhere a man has a land like dot to deal 
 mit, der pestest ding he can do is to yoost set 
 town vot he sees, afder his own Gcmiith mitout 
 takin or makin hard work, vitch is not vot a 
 crate manys do. Let das Land yoost mirror 
 itself in your mind " 
 
 und Shtories in dis Such, dey will not less interested 
 pe in his Work on de Legends of Florence as told 
 py de People (now in bress py D. NUTT, 270, Strand, 
 London). 
 
 166 
 
Germany T yrol. 
 
 "Ja " add der Student mit a smile, " but let 
 dt frame of de mirror pe all your own design, so 
 moosh as bossiple. Trink aus ! und luck to 
 you ! 
 
 " Praecor omnia laeta vobis omnibus, 
 Deus bene fortunet vestrum convivium ! " 
 
 (I pray you all may yolly pe ! 
 
 Gott pless de daple und companie !) 
 
 SCHLUSSWORT. 
 
 Go fort mein Biichlein out of hand ! 
 
 Twill com to pass I ween, 
 
 A copie 11 go into som Land 
 
 Vhere I hafe nefer peen ; 
 
 Und vhen I dink oopon dot case, 
 
 Id seem so strange to me ; 
 
 My t oughts can go indo a blace 
 
 Vhere I can nefer pe ! 
 
 Dot is der Writer s sveetest Tream, 
 
 Vitch he can ne er forget, 
 
 Dot he may cast von sunny gleam 
 
 On those he ne er has met ; 
 
 Und he who s luck to work dis spell, 
 
 Dis sweetest Sorcerie 
 
 Has shown dot he has mastered well, 
 
 Life s wunderbar st Magie. 
 
Hans Ereitmann in Germany Tyrol. 
 
 Farewell mem Buck adje mein Friendt ! 
 
 We two may nefer meet, 
 
 We fe come togeder to cle Endt 
 
 Un yed, tid nefer meet ! 
 
 Dot seems an contradict ry sense, 
 
 I hope dot it vill pe 
 
 De only point of tifference 
 
 Vat coom twix you and me. 
 
 u I, Liber ac orbi docto te publicus infer ! " 
 
 UNWIN BROTHERS, THE GRESHAM PRESS, CHILWORTH AND LONDON. 
 
 168 
 

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