A A no THE u RN 1 4 9 JBR 7 4 ^ f 1 1 ' 1 ^ THE MINOR DRAMA. THE ACTING EDITION. No. CXLVII. LADIES AT HOME; OK, GENTLEMEN, WE CAN DO WITHOUT YOU. BY J. G. MILLENGEN, M. D., Author of the "Jiee-IIive." TO WmCU ARE ADDED A description of llie Costume — Cast of the Clinraotcrs — Entrances and Exita^ Relative rosilioiis of the Performers on the Stage, and the whole of the Stage Business. AS PERFORMED AT TDE rRINCIPAL ENGLISH AND AMERICAN THEATRES. NEAV YORK: SAMUEL FRENCH, 122 Nassau Street, (Up Stairs.) CAST OF THE CHARACTERS.— [Ladies at Home.] Ilaymarket, London. Lady Antidote, Lady Lucretia, Mks. Banter, Miss Laura, Mrs. Lenient, Miss Prim, Miss Buckeam, Jenny, - Mrs. Davenport'. Mrs. Gibbs. Mrs. Edwin. Miss Beaumont Mrs. Conner. Mrs. Kendall. Jlrs. Listen. Mrs. T. Hill. SCENE— A Country House of Lady Antidote. Costumes of the day. Time in Representation, forty minutes. L2> LADIES AT HOME. SCENE. — A Chamber at Lady Lucretia's ; a ivindow, tvtth a balcony, looking into the garden ; to the left a closet door ; on the K. a door, siipposed to lead to the rest of the apartments. Lau. I hope m\ caunt and cousin are now satisfied. Not a man left in the house, or allowed to visit us, and all this, because poor Mr. Bo- villo loves me, and because auuty says, I love him ; because, when he looks at me, I blush, and si£;h: and when ho does not look at me, I look at him — because — ah me ! — I surely do not love him — because — cousin says, I should not, heigho ! Enter Mks. Banter, r. Mrs. D. " What dost thou muse on, meditating maid 1" Eh, Laura, always sighing, your poor birds forgotten ! your harp unstrung, your geraniums withered, your work neglected, and your dear eyes bi^-^ with the starting tear. If these be not symptoms of love I'm not a widow. Lau. Love indeed ! and with whom should poor Laura be in level Mrs. B. I know not with whom you should be, but I know with whom you are. Come, entrust me with all your hopes and fears, and I promise you, dear girl, my assistance and advice. Lau. You have no doubt heard, that my aunt and cousin politely insisted on Mr. Boville "discontinuing his visits. Mrs. B. I am acquainted with every particular, Lady Antidote and your prim cousin Lady Lucretia, like all prudes, would wish to con- demn you to bend under the same yoke that galls them. Imu. Prudes ! — what's a prude, Mrs. Banter 1 Mrs. B. A prude, my gentle girl, is a noiidescri])t animal, reserved when site's young, as she dares not run after a beau, and laserved when she's old, as no beau will run after her. 4 LABIES AT nOJIE. Lan. That's exactly auntj''s and cousin's case, they scold me when I even look up when there are men in company. Mrs. B. Because, men most likely look down on them, but I am preparing for Lady Lucretia a salutary lesson, which I trust will cure her of her attectation, and ensure your happiness. Lau. My dearest friend, would you believe if? she has ordered mo not even to stir out of the room without her, and all this because Mr. Boville wrote me a letter. Mrs. n. A letter 1 Lau. I presume, at least, it was for me, for he was going to hand it to me, when cousin snaped at it, and did so abuse poor dear Mr. Bo- ville ! — but here she comes. Mrs. Banter, do staud by me, and if she scolds, pray take my part. Mrs. B. Fear notliing, dear child ; a young girl who wants a hus- band, and a young widow who has no particular objection to try an- other, will always be a match for age and prudery Enter Lady Lucretia, r. Lady L. AVell, Miss Laura, I hope that you have come to a proper sense of your shameful conduct. Ijaxi. Dear cousin, what have I donel Lady L. AVhat have you done, miss 1 unparalleled impudence ! Is it nothing at your age, nay, at any age, to listen to the vile adulation of that viper, Man ; to receive the romantic trash his odious pen has traced 1 Mrs. B. Dear me, Lady Lucretia, a young man writes a few lines to a young girl, and one would think that Church and State were in danger. Lau. I'm sure, cousin, there was Tiothing naughty in it. Lady L. You are sure ! And ])ray, miss, who made you a judge of what's naughty — what's the meaning of all this 1 Mrs. B. Why, my lady, the purpoit is clear enough, though lovers now-adays are not so laconic in their declarations as they should be. " Nothing like .symj)licity, madam. I love you, and if you love me, pull the bell, and send for the ])arson ; but, madam, if I love you, and you don't lovo me, I'll jjuU the bell, and send for my horse" — that's coming to the point at once. Lady L. Love you, love me ! Mrs. Banter, I entertain the highest resjicct for you, but as my aunt. Lady Antidote, and I are responsible for this giddy child's education, we must prevent her from strayii;g in those ways some folks lind so delightlul. Mrs. B. [aside] You shall i)ny dearly for some folks. Lady L. Come, miss, to your room ; and if ever we see you look at the men Lau. Why, tlie men will be looking at me. Lady L. No more ; to your room, and should Mr. Boville dare to approach this house we'll secure you in a jilace inaccessible to the temerity of his odious race. [E.rit Lauiia, sobbing, r. Mrs. n. I do iioi think. Lady Lucretia, that you will lind severity of any w^e with that gentle girl. LADIES AT HOME. O Lady L. If the austerity of prudence is deemed severity, i>hen Mrs. Banter am I glad to be called severe. Mrs. 13. The austerity of prudence ! Believe me, austere as you think yourself, I shall some day see you in love, and disappointed. Lady L. You may answer for your own heart, Mrs. Banter, but I cannot conceive by what authority you pretend to account for the feelings of mine. Mrs. B. Nor can I conceive by what right your heart affects to bo made of other stulf than your neighbors. Lady L. Thank heaven it is. Mrs. B. Suppose, now, a handsome, amiable, young man Lady L. 1 hate handsome men. In my opinion good looks are su- perfluous. Mrs. B. Perhaps ; but were I marrying I should have an eye to su- perfluities. Lady L. Such affected wretches ! Mrs. B. Now there's :ny twin-brother, Agustus. [Pointedly.] I have often heard you say that he was charming. Lady L. I have certainly said that — that he was good-looking, [ With embarrassment,] but you know he is only a boy — a mere boy ; besides, he is the very image of you, my dear Mrs. Banter, and I could not avoid transferring to him during your absence part of that sincere affection I entertain for you ; besides I had commenced giving him a little moral advice. Mrs. B. I assure you, madam, whatever you have told my young brother in your moral lessons, he talks of you so much by day that I dare swear he dreams of notliing else all night. Lady L. [Warmly.] Dear boy ! Does he indeed 1 He is so inter- esting. What a pity it would be were he to fall into evil hands. 3Irs. B. It would indeed. But I am suprised lie in not yet here — he was so anxious to return, to avail himself of your kind admonitions. Lady L. lie shall be most welcome. jMrs. B. What ! although a man ! Lady L. A man ! nonsense, he is but a boj' — a mere cliild ! Mrs. B. lie's not so young — we're exactly the same age, for the same hour gave birth to us both. Jjadjj L. I thought her at least ten years older. [Aside.] but here's my aunt with our friends. Enter Lady Antidote, Mrs. Lexient, Miss Pkim, with a lap-dog and Miss Buckram, k. Lady A. JI\' dear neice, where have 3'ou been 1 Miss B. You have lostagreat treat, a festival of virtue. Miss Prim has been giving us in the summer-house, a most elaborate lecture upon the evils of matrimony. Lady L. I left you, ladies, to have a little talk with my imprudent cousin Laura; she has been so rash as to allow a young man to write to her ! Jjudy A. A man write to my neice ! Im petrified ! Miss P. Madam, you appal me ! 6 LADIES AT HOJIE. 3Iiss B. I'm thunderstruck ! Miss r. It's a ineiancholj' thing that we have not in this loose coun- try nuiuieries to immure such slippery young people in. Mrs L. But, my dear ladies, how can we prevent a young man frem paying us his addresses "? Miss P. Us ! — not meaning me I hope madam. Miss B. I should like to see one of your dandies pa5'ing his ad- dresses to me ! Mis5 P. There is a dignified manner of repelling the rude attempts of these men : thus — Sir, pray what do you mean '? Lady A. Or, — Sir, sir, I do not conceive your impertinence ! Miss B. Or, — Sir, you labor under a miscomprehension, sir ! Lady A. You may laugh, ladies ; but if any one of my famil}' per- mitted the shadow of a little Gnger to cast an umbrage on their repu- tation, I would expunge their very name from the genealogy of the Antidotes ! My neice shall never wed with my consent, no — never ! Mrs B. Yet, my Lady Antidote, you yourself were married three times. Lady A. That madam, was the more eifectually to convince myself of the superiority of a single life. Lady Ij. Perhaps Mrs. Banter approves of Laura's having given per- mission to I\Ir. Boville. Mrs B. My dear lady, men are apt to do whatever they like, whether permitted or not. Mrs L. Oh ! the wretches ! so they are. Happy the woman who can sot slander at defiance. Lady A. I defy, it madam ! Miss P. So do I. Miss B. And so do I. Lady L. Let us not, ladies, pretend to dictate to others. I can only remark, that no female is exposed to calumny when by her manners she conmiands respect, silences insinuations, and keeps all men at bay. {Exit, R. Lady A. Do you not envy me, ladies, to have such a neice, such a paragon of super-excellence 1 Mrs. B. All ! your neice, like many others, may some day most in- nocently wrilhe under the fang of malice. iMdy A. My neice writhe under a fang, madam 1 Mrs. L. We are all open to remark. Ijady A. My neice, madam, is only remarkable for her impregnable virtue ! Mrs B. No fortress is deemed impregnable until attacked. Ijady A. Attacked, madam! Lady Lucretia is unatackable; she would freeze a sunbeam if it dared to shine illicitly upon her ! Miss P. And so would 1 ! Miss 11. And so would I ! You quite shock me. Mrs U. Wiiat ! by saying that nothing can secure defenceless virtue fi'om slamler ! MiSs P. Virtue, madam, is never defenceless, imless she pleases to lay clown her arras. A virtuous woman's face, madam, should, like 7 LADIES AT HOME. my own, resemble the famed Medusa's head, and petrify impertinence [Exit, R. Miss B. If one of your gay deceivers liad the audacity to look im- properly on me, with one glance I'd make him fly to tlie deserts of Arabia — to the deserts of Arabia, madam ! Men I detest ! Give me my pussy and I'm satisfied. [Exit, r. Lady A. Indeed, Mrs Banter, your free mode of thinking is quite horritic ! Mrs. B. Because I maintain that frailty is tlie lot of mankind ! Lady A. ^Mankind ! madam ? — as I never meddle with matters that do not concern me you must also permit me to withdraw. [Exit, E. 3Irs. L. Indeed Mrs. Banter, this is too bad ! Mrs. B. Depend upon it things are bad enough when people pretend to be too good ; but now that we are alone I must entrust you with a plan that I have conceived, and am immediately going to put into ex- ecution, and Jenny shall assist us. Mrs. L. I fortunately am neither an old maid nor a prude, and shall assist you with all my heart. Mrs. B. V'ou know my twin brother Augustus 1 Mrs. Ij. Perfectly, the very image of you. Mrs. B. Well, availing myself of his absence, I dressed in his clothes, and was introduced to Lady Lucretia.who was long anxious to know him ; she saw me, encouraged my frequent visits. With all her pru- dery she seemed to understand pretty well the language of the eyes, and I believe can manatie pretty well my occular telegraphs. She glanced, I glanced — glances brought on blushes, blushes sighs ! Sho played the bashful, and I was as awkward, oh, as awkward as a schoolboy ; in taking the chair I dropped my hat, in picking up my hat I dropped my gloves, in snatching at my gloves I upset a chair ; she laughed ; down went the hat again. Then I heaved a sigh ! elab- orated a sentimental tear in a downcast eye. In short, she soon imag- ined that I was smitten with her, and instead of dropi)ing and picking i;p my hat in timid embarrasment, when I perceived that I had smit- ten her, I cla]ii)ed it on a peg ! Mrs. Ij. Delightful ! But what do you intend to do 1 Mrs. B. Make her surrender, and cry for mercy ! Mrs. L. That's right, she io in yo;:r power ; let your revenge bo ample ! Mrs. B. Ample ! — I am a woman, Mrs. Lenient, and she i.s — a prude. ]Ezeuyit, l, Enter Jexny with a letter, l,. Jenny. So my mistress has not yet retired to her chamber 7 where can she be, as she is above the wicked things of this world as she calls it, I suppose she's in the garden looking after the comet ! What a monstrous terrible house to be sure ; oh ! that I was ever born to come into it. Except a lame messenger, a deaf porter a blind coach- man, and a drunken butler, no man's ever allowed in it I My old mis- tress says that love's all fudge, because she's as old as Gog and Magog. Young mistress says that love's ridiculous, but I've seen her hide 8 LADIES AT HOME. many a slj' letter in her reticule. Oli, geniini ! if I had but stayed witli sweet Miss Kitty Cotton, after she had married that dear soldier officer, of the lancing folks. Oh, I'd now perhaps have been a lancer too ! None of your periwigged pated old codgers for us, but a merry soldier, w ho tells all about storming and scaling ; as how, before they batter away, all the young girls are sent out of the town, and all the old ladies stay at home to keep house and receive the visitors ! Oh, gemini, 'tis pure work. Enter Laby Lucretia, r. Lady L. Jenny, quit my chamber. Jenny. Here's a letter, my lady, from Mrs. Banter. She left the house all in tears — everybody must cry here, when no man's never allowed to come and laugh with us. Lady L. Impertient hussey ! quit my room. Jenny. I wish the house was on lire, then we should be obliged to call in some men to put it out. [Exit Jenny, l. Lady L. So Mrs. Banter is offended. [Reads.] I am glad she is gone, licr free manners are insui)portable ; yet 1 hope she won't be spiteful enough to prevent her brother coming here. Dear boy, I know not why, but when he is with me my antipatay to his sex is not half so strong. [A guitar is heard tinder the winbow.] What is this — it must be that insolent Bovillc playing under Laura's window. What are my gardeners, my servants about — I'll alarm the house. [Rims to a bell upon the table, but as she is going to ring it singing is heard. SO^G.— Without. Dared I declare I dearly love thee, What language could my thoughts impart 1 But let my silent actions prove thee. The fond emotions of my heart ! Heavens ! 'tis the voice of Augustus ! — Is the boy mad — at this hour of the night. [She runs and throws open the window, Mrs. Banter as Augustus, is discovered standing on the balcony.] What do I see, sir! You here 1 Mrs. E. [With timidity.] Yes, my lady, 'tis I. Your poor Augustus stands before you. /,ady L. Dare; you presume to enter my apartment 1 Mrs. J). [Falling on her knees.] If I have od'endod, at your feet I beg, I implore forgiveness ! Lady I J. [With emotion.] At my feet; rise, sir. If anyone were to come in — rise, I l)eg of you! Mrs. B. Besides, I remarked, whenever I sat near you in company thnt nil the ladies whisjiercd and tittered. Lady [j. Well, sir? Mrs. ]i. So 1 i)referred a tetc-a-tetc — a drawing-room might have caused idle conversation — so I selected this chamber. In coming by day I might have been seen, so I came by night. Entering by tho door tiic servants would have remarked mo, so I came in by the win- LADIES AT HOME. 9 dow ; I was so anxious to receive some more of those kind moral les- Bons you used to give me. Lady L. [Pointing to the window.] You have made a pretty use of them I must confess ; but are you certain no one saw you coming in 1 Mrs. B. I did not even intend to come in, merely to lay all night under j'our window — to hear your voice — to breathe the same air — to greet tlie morn that would wake you — instinctively I commenced re- peating a few lines I wrote — then I saw a ladder — then — Lady L. Those lines you sung 3Ls. B. Were composed for you during my mournful vigils. Lady L. Were there any more verses ■? Mrs. B. An hundred and seventy-three. I'll sing them to you all. T^ady L. No, no, not now ; you'd disturb the house ; but you shall read them. Lady L. Shall I ! the garrison consents to a parley. [Aside.] I am so overjoyed ; such an emotion thrills tlu'ough every vein — my head I Lady L. He'll faint ! — heavens, what's to be done ! Mrs. B. Oh, Lady Lucretia ! Lucretia ! Lady Lucretia, Oh ! [She falls into Lady Lucretia's arms, who supports her. Lady L. Recover, I beseech you ! Mrs. B. Oh, my head ! Lady L. Dear Mr. Augustus ! Mrs. B. Oh, my head ! Lady L. Do not terrify mo. Mrs. B. My head, my head ! Lady L. Dear Augustus ! — for my sake I entreat — dearest Augus- tus. [Fondly. Mrs. B. Oh ! I am better now. Lady L. Hero ! take this smelling bottle. [Gives a bottle. Mrs. B. Besides, I was so apprehensive of meeting my sister here. Tjady L. Oh, she is gone. You have nothing to dread from her malice ! Mrs. B. She is very malicious t Jjady L. A silly creature — would you believe it, the woman is so vain that she thinks herself the image of you"? Mrs. B. Silly creature indeed ! not the least likeness. Lady L. Not the least — your countenance is open, candid, honest — her's is full of guile and deceit! Mrs. B. [Returning the bottle.] Many (hanks for your kindness, my lady. Can I believe my eyes ! — you deignins to lean over your poor pupil — your poor Augustus ! Oh ! joys like these too soon, too soon must fleet ! [Kis.tes her hand. — Bell rings, r. Lady L. Heaven ! — the supper bell ! — you must begone — I must go down to supper. Mrs. B. You must go to supper ! — Oh ! for you I could live without supper all my life time ! Cruel woman ! Lady L. You are not aware of the danger you expose me to — I must attend the supper table. Mrs. B. How hungry you must be — all the family are down akeady, and that door — 10 LADIES AT HOME. ^' Lady L. Well, sir ! 3Irs. B. It can lock, can't it 1 ImiIij L. What then, sir 1 3Irs. B. Why then here goes — [Runs and shirts the door.] — there! Bady L. What, sir, you have the audacity to lock my doorl Mis. B. [Aside.} So, she thinks it's bolted ; believe me the purity of my sentiments are such — my love — [Kneels. Lady L. [Indignantly.] Your love, sir! — never, never let that odi- ous word lore escape your lips. Mrs. B. Oh ! that I caimot promise. Lady L. Then quit the house instantly, sir ! 3[rs. B. Cruel woman ! — my fate is in your hands ! — no power on earth shall dare prevent me from adoring yon; and should human ef- forts tear me from you, thus shall I rescue myself from their oppres- sion. [Draivs a pistol. iMdy L. A pistol ! Mrs. B. Loaded to the mujizle with slugs and bullets ! Jjady L. The boy is mad ! — rise, rise I entreat. Mrs. B. Then say you do not hate me. Lady Ij. Hate you, Augustus ! Is that possible "^ Mrs. B. Then you do love me 1 — Lady L. How can I reply ? Mrs. B. Then you detest, abhor, abominate, execrate me ! — fare- well for ever ! [Runs to the window — Lady Lucretia/o?/om's, and holds her. Ijady L. Hold ! in mercy's name ! Mrs. B. No more — farewell, farewell ! Lady L. Then I — I do love you ! '< Mrs. B. Dearly 1 Lady L. Dearly, Augustus, dearly Eater Jenny, l. Jenny. ISIy lady, .sup])er, ah ! [Shrieks.] a man — a man! don't look at me — a man ! a man ! — Mrs. B. Oh, Lucretia ! we're undone! Jenny. Thieves! murder! a man ! Lady L. .Silence, .lenny ; I order you ! Jenny. Housebreaking and burglary ! murder! a man ! Jjady L. Silence, my dearest Jenny, I beg of you. [ Gives a purse, Jenny. I am silent, but a man ! don't look at me. Lady L. 'Tis all — 'tis all a joke ! an innocent joke. Jenny. A joke with a man I oh gemini ! Lady L. [Asid.e.] A good thought I I have it. I'll pretend 'tis Mrs. Banter in her brother's clothes. A man ! wliy you silly creature, ha, ha, ha ! 'ti.s a woman. Jenny. A woman ! Jjady h. To Ik; sure, Mrs. Banter, in her brother's clothes.- Mrs. R. \Aaidc.\ Well done cunning. Lady L. [Aside in i\Ii;s. Banter. J Pray luuuor the deceit. Yovi LADIES AT UOMR. 11 have licard of the strong resemblance between her and lier brother, and by chcssing my good friend Mrs. Banter in his clothes we were preparing a surprise for the ladies after supper. Jenny. Oh gemini ! I'd have taken you, sir, — pardon me, ma'am, for as pure a gentleman as ever took maid or widow in to chmxh. Dear me, dear me, let's go down. Lady L. That's imjjossible. Jenny. Eh, I see ! heui, all would be up if we went down ; but how did the lady get in 1 Lady Jj. Why she, she left her carriage — Mrs. B. At the entrance of the avenue ; and by way of a short cut I came in at the window. Lady Ij. You had better go the way you came. [Aside. Mrs B. [Aside.] I forgot to iell you, my lady, I uj)set tlic ladder ! Lady L. How unfortunate ! Ilark'ye, Jenny — Jenny, my dear Jeuny, when the company have w ithdrawn you must contrive to get Mrs. Banter out unnoticed. But an idea strikes me — we are about the same size — into this closet, and put on one of my gowns. 3Irs. B. Oh, my lady — I'd do anything for you ; but to turn wo- man, oh ! Ijady L. Nonsense, in with you. Jenny. In with you — I'll help you. Jjady Ij. You'll lielp ! impudent girl. Mrs B. But modesty, modesty ! Jjady L. Modesty, trash ! — a pretty time to talk of modesty, when my reputation's at stake ; in with you, in with you. [JIrs. Banter goes into the closet. Jenny anxiously endeavors io fol- low her ; ZiH^ Lady LccRETiA 'prevents her — pause — Jenny goes to the door and peeps through the keyhole — Lady Lucketia peiceives her and drives her atcay.] Jenny. Oh, I must help her. Mrs. B. [Li the closet.] Where are my stays. Jenny. I'll lace them. [Going to door. Lady L. [Drives her away.] Yoii lace them, indeed ! Mrs. B. [Coming from the closet in woman's clothes.] Oh! what shall I do, I'm so awkward ! Lady L. Now, quick — the coat and hat under the sofa. [Xoise without. Jenny. Oh, gemini ; here are the ladies ! Jjady L. Now, sir, in mercy's name be discreet. Mrs. B. AVhat will become of me! don't let 'em kick me down Btairs. Lady L. Be as womanish as you can, and hold j'our tongue. Mrs. B. That's not very womanish either. Lady L. Distraction ! Be as silent as j-ou can, and leave all to me. Enter L.vdy Antidote, Mrs. Lenient, Miss Prim, and Miss Buck- ram, each with a bed room candle, R. Lady A. Walk in ladies, walk in. 12 LADIES AT HOME. Lady L. Mrs. Banter, dear aunt is just returned. All. Mrs Banter ! Mrs. Len. My dear Mrs. Banter, what brought you back so soon 1 Mrs. B. [Awkwardly.] AVhy, madam — because — do j'ou see — be- cause — Lady L. Let me explain. My good friend was so anxious to make up our silly dispute of this evening, that she immediately returned in private. 3L-S. B. Now we are friends for ever, but I must leave you, fare- well. Lady L. Farewell, my dearest Mrs. Banter ! Mrs. B. Adieu, ladies — adieu. [Exit, k. Lady A. Now, ladies, I hope you are all convinced of the impo- tence of scandel ! Lady L. What now, aunt 1 Lady A. Yes, virtuous niece, scarce had supper been concluded when an anonymous note was handed in, purporting that you were tetc-a-tete in your room with a young man ! Mrs. Len. [Pulling the coat and hat from under the soja?^ But what is all this 1 Lady L. [Aside.] AVhat's to be done now ! Miss B. A man's coat ! let me go. Miss P. It signifies not — if there's a man in the house were I to walk barefooted I'd leave it! Lady L. Ha. ha, ha ! Lady A. You laugh. Lady Lucretia ; recollect you are my niece, and this is no matter for laughter ! Miss P. No, indeed — a man's hat ! Miss B. And a man's coat. Miss P. Aye, the Lord knows what else may be found ! Miss B. Aye, to be sure! Heaven kno wswhat the fellow may not have left behind him ! Ljady L. Ha! ha! Your alarm amuses me. Here, Jenny, Jenny — explain to these astonislied ladies the cause of their terrors. Ha, ha I be indiscreet at your jjeril. [Aside. Jenny. This co-it, ladies — ha, ha, ha! 'tis all a joke, my lady and Mr.'*. Banter were to hav(! playeil yon after supper. This coat belongs to IMrs. Banter's brother — and as saving your ladyships' presence — he is as like her as two peas. Bless thoni ! The brother was to have passed fur the sister — I meant the sister for tho brother — and you were all to have been hugely astonished ! — and — that's all I know. [Exit, Jenny l. Lady A. I hope this is satisfactorj'. Mis.-i B. [A.Hdc to Miss Prim.] Humph ! I have mj' suspicions ! Mrs L. [Aside to Miss Buckuam.J I can perceive these matters witliout spectacles ! Mrs. L. ( Taking up the coat.] This odious coat under tho sofa cer- tainly lookod ratlier suspicious — [aside, throwing the coat into the clo- set] — and sliall be more suspicions still ! Lady A. .\i>[)euranco, ladies, can never injure my lamb ! LADIES AT HOME. 13 Mrs. Banter re-enters hy the window, and glides into the closet. Lady L. AVell, ladies, I trust that you are now convinced of the in- justice of your suspicions. Lady A. All that I can say is, that whoever has, docs, or shall as- perse you, my niece — has, does, and shall have aspersed, and asperses, the inaspersible house of the Antidotes ! Mrs. L. Good nigiit, Lady Lucretia ; a pleasant slumber! Miss P. Good nis;ht. Lady Lucretia ; pleasing visions ! ll/j'ss B. Good night, Lady Lucretia ; agreeable dreams 1 Mrs. Baxter rushes out of the closet as Augustus. Mrs. B. Hold, ladie-, hold ! Miss P. and Miss B. A man ! a man ! Lady A. Don't come near me ! Lady L. Heavens ! The boy is deranged ! Mrs. B. Ladies, were I to remain longer silent and concealed I should not be acting the part of a man of honor — of morality ! Miss P. Pretty morality ! Oh, you highwayman, keep off! Miss B. Stand off ! how vicious he looks ! Mrs. B. Yes, ladies ! I — I alone am culpable. Blinded hy a fatal passion, which Lady Lucretia's prudence condemned, distraction and disappointed love led me to anything. Lady L. Well, sir; I now trust that you are convinced of the rash- ness of your expectations. The respect I owe your sister alone pre- vented me from revealing your sex ; when you should have met with that chastisement your temerity deserved. Enter Jexny, l. Jenny. Mrs. Banter's just arrived. She is come in a carriage and four, looking for her little brother! Mrs. B. My sister ! — do not tell her anything. Where shall I fly to 1 [Runs off, J Kyyr folloivs, l. Lady A. Welh ladies ; you see that the purity of the Antidotes will always rise triumphant! Lady L. After your attemj)ts to injure my character, ladies, I re- joice that you have witnessed this last scene. Mrs. L. Yet you will confess that appearances were against you; and that, spite of her innocence, poor woman can be torn to pieces by prudes and antiipiated dames ! Miss P. Well, Miss Buckram, I told you 'twas a man !— ah ! he looked to treacherous — so sl\' ! Miss B. Aye, just like my Tammy, when he's watching a cock- sparrow. Enter Jexxy, l. Jenny. Oh, ladies! oh, ladies! iMdy A. What's the matter nowl Lady L. What ai!s the girl 1 Miss P. More men, no vloubt. 14 LADIES AT HOME. Jenny. [Crying.] Oh, Lady Antidote ! Lady A. Well "? Lady L. Speak, in mercy's name! Miss F. The girl's mad ! Jenny. And you, ray Lady Lucretia, don't go near the fish-pond — oh ! we'll have a coroner's inquest — oh, oh ! Miss B. No coroner, judge, or jury, unless of matrons, shall enter the house while I am in it ! Jenny. Oh, Mr. Augustus ! Mr. Augustus ! Who would havo thought Lady L. Heaven ! Is the boy drowned 1 Jenny. I wish he was drowned, for poor Miss Lamia's sake ! Lady A. Laura ! What of Laura 1 Jenny. Oh ! that Mr. Augustus — though ho is but a little bit of a man, instead of going out when his sister came in, up be whips Lady A. Whips what 1 Speak Jenny. Miss Laura — oh I oh ! Lady L. Laura — distraction ! Where is she 1 Jenny. In her room, locked up with Mr. Augustus ! Jjody L. Oil ! the perfidious monster ! Miss F. Here's a pretty family ! Jjady L. Laura ! Laura ! Miss B. Call the police. Miss F. ) Police ! murder ! police — watch ! assault! battery ! Miss B S police! Enter Mrs. Banter, holding Laura hy the hand, l. Mrs. B. Ladies, be not alarmed. Laura is under my protection. I beg your pardon for this unseasonablo intrusion, but having heard that my young brother Augustus had left our house, on his way here, I came to ascertain the trutli of the rej)ort. Lady L. Your brother, madam, has been here, but uninvited by me. I cannot account for his visit ; yet his prompt and disgraceful expul- sion from tliis house must havo convinced him that whatever opinion h<' might have formed of me, from your obliging reports, they were loiiinled on error, if not on malice. Mrs. B. This bitter attack, my lady, will comj)el me to give publi- city to a gentle lesson which in charity 1 had reserved for your pri- vate ear. Tjady L. Madam, I do not understand. .1//.'!. B. My brother, perhaps, will understand j'ou bettor. His couiilenaiicc is open, candid, and honest, while mine is full of guile and deceit. Lady //. What, do I licar 1 Mrs B. Your poor Augustus stands before you. [ General surprise. Lady Tj. fc. r] Yon have given me a cruel lesson. Mrs. B, fc] Friendship shall seal my lips if you consent to thia dear girl's liappinoss. Lau. [k. C.J Dear cousin, do forgive mo. LADIES AS DOME. 15 Lady A. [n..\ Slic lias my consent. Mrs L. Mot a word shall /reveal. Lau. And whatever those other old ladies say no one will believe tlioni. Miss P. [h.] Impudent hussey ! Miss B. [l. C.J Insolent minx! I'll forbid the banns! Miss B. Come, Lady Lucretia, \to Lady Lucretia,] let us be friends, and confess that \tQ the Audience,] gentlemen, dear gentle- men, we cannot do without you, therefore we hope the ladies will be permitted to receive you at home — to-morrow. Lady A. Lauka. L^dy L. Mks. B, Mes. L. Miss P. Miss B. Ljaulord SP EEDY BINDER IZ^: Syracuse, N. Y. ^^ Stocttlon, Calif. 3 1205 02044 0903 UC SOUTHERN REGIONAL LIBRARY FACILITY iliiillillilililillili A A 001 409 747 1 THE LP"" '«?Y