College Student
 
 THE LIBRARY 
 OF 
 
 THE UNIVERSITY 
 
 OF CALIFORNIA 
 
 LOS ANGELES
 
 THE RUBAIYAT OF A 
 COLLEGE STUDENT
 
 The RUBAIYAT of 
 
 A COLLEGE STUDENT 
 
 BY 
 
 NED NAFE 
 
 BROADWAY PUBLISHING CO. 
 
 835 Broadway, New York
 
 Copyright, 1911, 
 
 BY 
 
 W. V. REMINGTON 
 
 and A. E. NAFE
 
 xj 3 
 
 ic*"^ 
 
 C.PIC^TJCP 
 
 Jl I W . UH ^ 
 
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 665893
 
 THE RUBAIYAT OF A 
 COLLEGE STUDENT 
 
 i. 
 
 Wake ! ! for the Son, with all his Blaring Flash 
 Has just arrived with much of Papa's cash, 
 He drills about the Streets, for first, you know 
 The Son must hunt him up a Place to Hash. 
 
 II. 
 
 He finds the Boarding house serves Beans and 
 
 Pork, 
 Then Pork and Beans, a change from Beans 
 
 and Pork. 
 
 On Sundays, Steak so tough he tries in vain 
 To Pierce the Gravy with a barbed Fork. 
 
 III. 
 
 Myself when young did eagerly frequent 
 Doctor and Prof, and heard great argument, 
 Of Ibsen and of Kant, but nevermore 
 
 I keep up the pace that then I went,
 
 Cbe Hu&aipat of 
 
 IV. 
 
 With them the Seed of Wisdom did I sow, 
 And daily watered it to make it grow, 
 And this is all the harvest that I reaped, 
 I came a Freshie and a B. A. go. 
 
 V 
 
 Look to the Tinhorn Sport about us "Lo 
 Gayly", he says, "down to the Town I go, 
 At once the silken tassel of my Purse 
 Tear, and its Treasures to the Pool-shacks 
 throw." 
 
 VI. 
 
 Think, in this battered Caravanserai, 
 Whose portals are alternate Plug and Play, 
 How Doctor or Professor with his Pomp 
 Holds forth his destined hour and has his say. 
 
 VII. 
 
 The Junior Prom you say costs many a Bone, 
 It's worth the saving when you see her home, 
 You take a cab and round the corner drive 
 At times like that who wants a Chaperone? 
 
 8
 
 a College Student 
 
 VIII. 
 
 A Soaking Towel upon a fevered Brow, 
 An Ovid text, a Pony true, and Thou 
 Beside me plugging for the next Exam, 
 Oh, College-life, in spots, is hell enow! 
 
 IX. 
 
 Cigars for those who are not always broke, 
 And then the Pipe until it starts to choke, 
 And after that you bum the Makings Oh, 
 Would they'd invent a stogie that would smoke. 
 
 X. 
 
 Strange, is it not? that of the many who, 
 Before us went to Three-ball Ike, the Jew, 
 Not one returns to get his Watch from soak, 
 One to recover, we must dig up Two. 
 
 XL 
 
 The Flunk no answer has of Ayes and Noes, 
 But through or Cond, as marks the Prof, he 
 
 goes; 
 
 The Prof who shoots the questions all about 
 He knows about it all or thinks he knows. 
 
 9
 
 C&e Uu&afgat of 
 
 XII. 
 
 I know that any Prof can set a snare, 
 
 In any Quiz can get me in the Air ; 
 
 And yet I know that many Sharks and Grinds 
 
 Can not, perchance, be taken unaware. 
 
 XIII. 
 
 Indeed the Co-eds that I loved so long 
 Have done my Credits in the School much 
 
 wrong ; 
 
 Perhaps I went upon a Glee-club trip 
 And lost my Reputation with a Song. 
 
 XIV. 
 
 Ah, make the most of what we yet may Spend, 
 Before this check, like others, has an end; 
 Cash follows Cash, and when 'tis gone we lie, 
 Sans Duds, sans Suds, sand Makings and sans 
 Friend. 
 
 XV. 
 
 Some for the Favor of the Prof, and some, 
 Sigh for the shining honor-key to come, 
 Ah, keep your Cash and make your Credit go 
 'Twill take them both to make your Rival glum. 
 
 10
 
 a College &tu&ent 
 
 XVI. 
 
 The Monthly Check we set our hearts upon 
 May fail us, or it gets here, and anon 
 Like Snow upon the Desert's dusty face, 
 Squaring a little Bill or two, is gone. 
 
 XVII. 
 For those who settled quick each Bill that 
 
 came, 
 And those who dodged the Dun to beat his 
 
 Game; 
 
 Alike from no such o'er full Purse are paid 
 As settled once, we want dug up again. 
 
 XVIII. 
 
 Now the new Fall reviving old Desires, 
 The Full-back to the dressing-shack retires, 
 He hopes to win the Game upon the Field, 
 The while his Sweetheart from the Stand 
 admires. 
 
 XIX. 
 
 Up from the Scrub-team to the Varsity 
 I rose, and often hoped their Chief to be, 
 And many a Player tackled by the Road 
 And still the Profs persist in Flunking me. 
 
 II
 
 Cfce Ru baipat of 
 
 XX. 
 
 First came the Play through which I could not 
 
 see, 
 
 Then came the Game in which I could not be, 
 Some little talk awhile of Me, by Me 
 There was and then no more was talk of Me. 
 
 XXI. 
 
 And when the Referee has cast the Die, 
 Though he be in the Wrong and though he 
 
 Lie, 
 
 Lift not your voice in Curses; if you do 
 He'll fine you fifteen yards nor tell you why. 
 
 XXII. 
 
 And this uncertain Pennant which we win, 
 And which in Prexy's office may be seen, 
 Ah, hold the Foemen nobly, lest it fade 
 The while some strange, gruff sport procures 
 your Tin. 
 
 XXIII. 
 
 And those who now play Football in the Field, 
 Where pigskin Warriors have been forced to 
 
 yield, 
 Who knows when they'll be carried to the 
 
 Shack, 
 Their Reputations and their Noses peeled. 
 
 12
 
 a College %tuDent 
 
 XXIV. 
 
 I sometimes think there never ran so red, 
 The Nose, as where the Beaten Tigers bled, 
 And every Touchdown that we gloat upon, 
 Won by the Smash of some unlucky Head. 
 
 XXV. 
 
 What! if the Man can thrust the End aside, 
 And by a Touchdown, turn the battle tide, 
 Were't not a Shame, because his grades are 
 
 low, 
 Upon the Sidelines force him to abide. 
 
 XXVI. 
 
 This Season win the Pennant as of Old, 
 Wait not until next Season round has rolled, 
 Next Season ? Why, next Season we may be 
 Ourselves kicked out again into the Cold. 
 
 XXVII. 
 Then said the Captain: "Ne'er a Soph'more 
 
 boy 
 Should pinch the Stein from which he drank 
 
 with joy, 
 
 Pour Sloe Jin-rickies down his Desert Throat, 
 Nor use the Sportive High-ball for a Toy."
 
 Cfce Hubaipat of 
 
 XXVIII. 
 
 Indeed! Indeed! Repentance oft before 
 I swore, But was I sober when I swore? 
 And then the Varsity would win, and well 
 Methought I'd hit the Pace just one time more. 
 
 XXIX. 
 
 Alike for those who for the Stage prepare 
 And those who after some fair Co-ed stare ; 
 For Prexy from his office often cries : 
 "Come off the Turf and to your Books repair." 
 
 XXX. 
 
 The Dean of Women is an Aged Miss, 
 
 Who scoffs at Love and scorns the famed 
 
 Soul-kiss ; 
 
 She guards the Co-ed from the Horrid Man 
 And draws her Monthly Check for vetoed 
 
 Bliss. 
 
 XXXI. 
 
 Would you long Seance with the Text-book 
 
 spend, 
 
 In useless Cramming, hope you pass it, friend ; 
 A Hair they say divides the Passed and 
 
 Flunked, 
 And yet on these, Profs say, Degrees depend. 
 
 14
 
 a College %>tu&ent 
 
 XXXII. 
 A Hair they say divides the Passed and 
 
 Flunked, 
 
 Yes, and a single Pony were the Clew, 
 Could we but find it, to the Treasured A, 
 And peradventure, to the B. A. too. 
 
 XXXIII. 
 
 Perplext much more with Human than Divine, 
 To-morrow's Classes to the Sharks resign, 
 And lose your Fingers in the Tresses of 
 The Girl who loves you for your Father's 
 
 Mine. 
 XXXIV. 
 
 Then for the College Widow I did yearn, 
 And asked : the Secret of my Fate to learn 
 And Lip to Lip she murmured : "While you're 
 
 here 
 Love for once gone you never can return." 
 
 XXXV. 
 
 And fear not lest the Widow closing Your 
 Account and Mine, should know the like no 
 
 more; 
 Freshmen have rushed her twenty years, my 
 
 Son, 
 With Rouge and Paint, she'll last another 
 
 Score.
 
 Cbe Hull aip at of 
 
 XXXVI. 
 
 When you and I our final X have passed 
 She'll weep as though she loved us best and 
 
 last, 
 But through her Tears she'll spot another 
 
 Fresh 
 Whose Coin will keep things humming while 
 
 it lasts. 
 
 XXXVII. 
 
 The Widow, flirting with all College Swains, 
 E'en with your Rival's bound to bring you 
 
 Pains, 
 Her Freshies come from Farms and City 
 
 Flats, 
 They Grad and Prosper all, but She remains. 
 
 XXXVIII. 
 
 Each morn its host of Quizzes brings, you say, 
 Yes, but who passed the X of Yesterday; 
 And every night you with the Widow Waltz 
 Will take its Credits from your Grade away. 
 
 XXXIX. 
 
 'Tis but a Tent, where takes his one day rest, 
 The Student to the B. A. realm addrest; 
 The Senior passes, but with vain regret, 
 'Ere this the Widow's spotted her next Guest. 
 
 16
 
 a College >tit Dent 
 
 XL. 
 What though the Trimmings of a Swell 
 
 Toilet, 
 
 May leave a Rosy scent or Violet ; 
 Peroxide now can make full many a Blonde, 
 Whose reputation still remains Brunette. 
 
 XLI. 
 
 Perhaps the use of Mantling Rouge and Lace, 
 May give to her a Charm and Airy Grace, 
 Puts a Black Plaster on her Dimpled Chin 
 And draws a Chamois Skin across her Face. 
 
 XLII. 
 
 I think the Widow that with fugitive 
 
 Articulation answered, fast did live 
 
 And Flirt but ah the Ruby Lips that then I 
 
 pressed 
 What other kisses does she Take and Give. 
 
 XLIII. 
 
 And if the Girl you fuss, whose lips you press, 
 At last shall nail you with the Mystic Yes ; 
 Think then Cabs cost To-day, what Yesterday 
 They cost To-morrow they will not be less.
 
 C i)c Hu I) aipa t of 
 
 XLIV. 
 And when the Reverend Man who welds the 
 
 Link 
 
 At last shall find you at the Altar's brink, 
 And though you know Cigar-box Flats come 
 
 high, 
 And though you know his Price, you shall not 
 
 shrink. 
 
 XLV. 
 
 Would that some kind Assistant, 'ere too late 
 
 Arrest the yet unfolded Roll of Fate ; 
 
 And get so busy with a Pen-knife that 
 
 He might yet change my Grading and my Rate. 
 
 XLVI. 
 
 Ah Love, could you and I with Fate conspire 
 To fix this sorry Scheme of Things entire ; 
 Would we not take the place of Profs and then 
 Give each the B. A. of his heart's desire. 
 
 XLVII. 
 
 Yon rising Moon that looks for us in Vain, 
 How oft hereafter will she Wax and Wane ; 
 How oft hereafter, rising, will she find 
 New Lovers on the back steps of the Main. 
 
 18
 
 a College tu&ent 
 XLVIII. 
 
 And when Commencement Day Prex shall us 
 
 pass 
 The last time read his sign: "Keep off the 
 
 Grass" 
 
 He will at last to me a Sheep-skin give 
 And I will say Goodbye unto my Class. 
 
 NED NAFE.
 
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 1 1957 
 
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