Ill Ti fe 1 1 ^5? " He bowed in a manner most polished, Thus soothing her impulses wild ; " NAVTICAL I/AY OF A LANDSMAN WAL I/ACE IRWIW author of THE I/OVE SONNETS OF AHOODI/VM* "THE RVBAIYAT OF OMAB. KJHAYYAM.JVNIOB t WITH Il/I/VSTRATI ON5 PETBIt N E "W Y O B, K DODD.MBAD tf COMPANY 1 9 O 4 I , A Copyright 1904 by Dodd, Mead & Company Copyright 1903, 1904 by The Curtis Publishing Co. Published September, 1904 NAUTICAL LAYS OF A LANDSMAN A Dash to the Pole Page 3 The Tar and the Reporter 9 The Rhyme of the Chivalrous Shark ... 13 A Grain of Salt 19 Eberly s Fair Young Bride 23 Little Emma 29 The Forbearance of the Admiral 35 The Sailor s Stovepipe 39 The Fate of the Cabbage Rose 47 Sensitive Sydney 53 The Ghost of Simeon Bean 57 The Constant Cannibal Maiden 63 The Deep Sea Gudge 67 Reminiscence 77 The Dutiful Mariner 81 The Battle of Clothesline Bay 87 The Boat that Ain t 93 Captain Pink of the Peppermint 97 Vain Hope ! 103 What Ho ! She Blows 107 Industrious Carpenter Dan 113 The Ballad of Hagensack 119 Andy Caruso I2 $ Aunt Nerissa s Muffin ... I2 g Meditations of a Mariner I35 ILLUSTRA1 IONS * He bowed in a manner most polished, Thus soothing her impulses wild ;" FRONTISPIECE " We bumped right into the Arctic, Me and me matey, John." FACING PAGE 3 " The first step s a slow step, but now here comes a daisy one, He hollered; and what f oiler ed showed the words he spoke was true. " FACING PAGE 39 " When down in the slime, without ary word o warnin , The Gudge I seen in the seaweed green a- winkin his indolent eye." FACING PAGE 67 What is the scent from yon vessel blown? " FACING PAGE 87 DASH THE POLE " We bumped right into the Arctic, Me and me matey, John." , , A DASH TO THE POLE Twas out on the Archipelago In the region of the Horn, Somewhere in the locks of the Equinox And the Tropic of Capricorn. We bumped right into the Arctic, Me and me matey, John. We was near to frizz by the slush and the slizz, For we hadn t our flannels on. Who d V thought that a tried explorer Would start for the Pole like that, With openwork hose and summer clo es And a dinky old Panama hat? NAUTICAL LAYS We could see the Eskimoses, Far out on the ice ashore, A-turnin* up of their noses At the comical clo es we wore. We could hear the bears on the glaciers A-laughing kind of amused, And there we stud in our seashore duds A-looking that shamed and confused! The whirl-i-gig Arctic breezes They biffled our bark abaft, And the ice-pack shook with our sneezes, (For there was a terrible draft). " Friend John," I yells to me matey, " Stand ready and warp the boat! " But I suddenly found that John was drowned, And me alone and afloat. OF A LANDSMAN I was chilled to the heart with terror At the loss of me matey, John, I was chilled to the feet, for I beg to repeat, That I hadn t me flannels on. When all of a dog-goned sudden A peak riz over the sun. I swear on me soul twas the Arctic Pole Then what d ye think I done? Then what d ye think I done, sir, When that pinnacle swung in view? I done what a wight in a similar plight With a similar Pole would do. I swung the hand of the compass Till straight to the South points she, And soon I divined that the Pole was behind And me in the open sea. NAUTICAL LAYS I landed next week at Coney Where I hitched me bark to a post, Then I fell in a faint from pneumony Which I caught on the Arctic coast Out there on the Archipelago, In the region of the Horn, Somewhere in the locks of the Equinox And the Tropic of Capricorn. And that is why in summer, When it s most undeniably warm, I dresses in felt and pelican pelt, Which is suitable clo es for storm. And it s highly correct and proper To start for the Pole like that; But I nevermore goes in me openwork hose And me dinky old Panama hat. THE TAR AND THE REPORTER THE TAR AND THE REPORTER " O sailor coming from a cruise, I represent the Daily News What tidings do you bring?* " Oh nothing that the likes of youse Would think was anything. " Our ship was shattered in the squalls, Our crew was et by cannibals, Our passengers was drowned, Our Capting sank with piteous calls And nevermore was found. " Three months I lived upon a bun And thus survived, the only one But otherwise we made A commonplace, eventless run From Tyre to Adelaide." THE RHYME OF THE CHIVALROUS SHARK THE RHYME OF THE CHIVALROUS SHARK Most chivalrous fish of the ocean, To ladies forbearing and mild, Though his record be dark, is the man-eating shark Who will eat neither woman nor child. He dines upon seamen and skippers, And tourists his hunger assuage, And a fresh cabin boy will inspire him with joy If he s past the maturity age. A doctor, a lawyer, a preacher, He ll gobble one any fine day, But the ladies, God bless em, he ll only address em Politely and go on his way. NAUTICAL LAYS I can readily cite you an instance Where a lovely young lady of Breem, Who was tender and sweet and delicious to eat, Fell into the bay with a scream. She struggled and flounced in the water And signaled in vain for her bark, And she d surely been drowned if she hadn t been found By a chivalrous man-eating shark. He bowed in a manner most polished, Thus soothing her impulses wild ; " Don t be frightened," he said, " I ve been properly bred And will eat neither woman nor child." 14 OF A LANDSMAN Then he proffered his fin and she took it Such a gallantry none can dispute While the passengers cheered as the vessel they neared And a broadside was fired in salute. And they soon stood alongside the vessel, When a life-saving dingey was lowered With the pick of the crew, and her relatives, too, And the mate and the skipper aboard. So they took her aboard in a jiffy, And the shark stood attention the while, Then he raised on his flipper and ate up the skipper And went on his way with a smile. And this shows that the prince of the ocean, To ladies forebearing and mild, Though his record be dark, is the man-eating shark Who will eat neither woman nor child. A GRAIN OF SALT A GRAIN OF SALT Of all the wimming doubly blest The sailor s wife s the happiest, For all she does is stay to home And knit and darn and let im roam. Of all the husbands on the earth The sailor has the finest berth ; For in is cabin he can sit And sail and sail and let er knit. 19 EBERLY S FAIR YOUNG BRIDE EBERLY S FAIR YOUNG BRIDE Oh the Sauntering Sue fell into the squalls A-blowing from Portsmouth town. She was laden with pork and cannon balls, So it s natteral she went down. And the sea it riz with a terrible sizz While the Sue on the rocks she scraped; And of all the crew that her anchor drew Not more than a thousand escaped. And when the sailors had waded to shore And their feet on the hearthstone dried, They hated to think of Eberly Moore And Eberly s fair young bride. LJ 23 NAUTICAL LAYS With the Sauntering Sue on the ocean floor And them cannon balls rolling inside, They hated to think of Eberly Moore, And Eberly s fair young bride. So they talked in whispers of euchre games, Of ladies and Eskimo, Of vulgar fractions and proper names, And the works of Byron and Poe. And some of em shuddered and looked at the door With a sort of a nervous pride ; But they never referred to Eberly Moore Or Eberly s fair young bride. In a neat little Kansas grocery store, Far leagues from the turbulent tide, Sat the thoughtful grocer, Eberly Moore, Along of his fair young bride. 24 OF A LANDSMAN And Eberly says to his bride, says he, " It s strange but undoubtedly so That we ve never yet gone on the bounding sea, And we never intend to go/ And far away on the wreck-strewn shore Where the crew of the Sue reside, They never refer to Eberly Moore Or Eberly s fair young bride. LITTLE EMMA LITTLE EMMA Sailor, sitting by the sea, Nigh the painted rocks of Barrel, Why dost weep so mournfully On a vacant sugar barrel? " Think me not," the sailor said, " Merely hypochondriac, oh Hast thou, stranger, any shred, Just a bite, of plug tobacco?" Though he took the plug and ate, Undiminished his dilemma. Scarce he could articulate, " She is gone, my Little Emma ! " I 2 9 NAUTICAL LAYS " Little Emma," cried I ; " Who Was she? Kitten, dog or maiden, Left by you, as sailors do, In some inconvenient Aiden? " Little Emma ! dainty name, Quite suggestive of a tale, sir " Quoth the tar, " It were the same. Little Emma was a whale, sir. ** Kindly sir, forgive my wail, These unmanly tear-drops blow it !- If you ve gone and lost a whale Ain t that loss enough to know it? " Emma was so light of touch, Emma was so deft and smiling, Emma was so true so much So expansively beguiling! OF A LANDSMAN " If she d only asked me I Would have stroked her little chinny; If she d only let me try I d have held her finny-finny. " Should you look for Emma, you Might discern her by her color, By her cheeks, which wear the hue Of an ironclad only duller. " When my Emma nigh you goes Mention me to her as many Times as all her flips have toes. (Don t be scared they haven t any.)" " Sailor," in amaze spake I " Since at sea so much you ve seen, sir "- Quoth the sailor with a sigh, " Not at sea I ve never been, sir." NAUTICAL LAYS " But the Little Emma whale, Since unceasing you regret her" Quoth the sailor, turning pale, " Think of it I never met her ! " So I left him to his grief, Nigh the painted rocks of Barrel, Wringing out his handkerchief In the vacant sugar barrel. THE FORBEARANCE OF THE ADMIRAL THE FORBEARANCE OF THE ADMIRAL I ain t afeard o the Admiral, Though a common old tar I be, And I ve oftentimes spoke to the Admiral Expressin a bright idee; For he s very nice at takin advice And a tractable man is he. For once I says to the Admiral, Unterrified, though polite, " Don t think me critical, Admiral, But yer vessel ain t sailin right ; For our engine should be burnin wood And our rattlelines should be tight." But when I spoke to the Admiral He wasn t inclined to scold, Though me words, addressed to the Admiral, Was intimate-like and bold, (But he was up on deck at the time And I was down in the hold). 35 THE SAILOR S STOVEPIPE te - " The first step s a slow step, but now here comes a daisy one, he hollered ; and -what follered showed the words he spoke was true." THE SAILOR S STOVEPIPE The crew of us, a few of us, was up on deck a- dancin of Two steps and new steps with light fantastic toe, When Closon, the bos n, says, " What s the use of prancin* of Glide steps and side steps what anyone can go? " Hornpipes and cornpipes and gaspipes is fun enough, Hoe-downs and shake-downs is easy dancin too, Minuets and mignonettes and barbettes I ve done enough, But the reel old sailor s stovepipe is more difficult to do." 39 NAUTICAL LAYS Then bowing once and bowing twice the bos n shook his limber toes, Then do-see-do and do-see-don t and count one two, Then fore and aft he shook our craft beneath his tatting timber toes "It s the reel old sailor s stovepipe I m a-going for to do." He closed his eyes, he slapped his thighs, he turned a double summer-sault, He corn-hoed and pigeon-toed in every sort of way, He keel-hauled and reel-hauled I never seen a rummer salt And all the time a-whistlin " The Road to Man- delay." 40 OF A LANDSMAN " The first step s a slow step, but now here comes a daisy one," He hollered : and what follered showed the words he spoke was true, For he hopped past the mizzen mast and hoofed it like a crazy one Till both his eyes was saucer size and both his cheeks was blue. He jigged and jounced till up he bounced yards high above the gunnel-tops, A-swingin like a circus tike from dory yards to stays, Then jiggin through the riggin* too he slid along the funnel tops And doffed his hat and skun the cat in forty- seven ways. 01 fes^y NAUTICAL LAYS " O stop before ye drop before our eyes ! " the sailors cautioned him And blew the danger whistle twice and rung the engine bell. " No cause for dread," the Capting said, " he s doing what s been portioned him And that s the sailor s stovepipe, which he s dan- cin very well." Then clingin high and swingin high, the bos n, like a catter-pult, Free and fair shot through the air toward the waters green, Prancin still and dancin still he hit the ocean splatter-pult, Skipped and tripped and double flipped and van ished from the scene. 42 OF A LANDSMAN " Dish him out and fish him out," the Capting said, " He s done enough Shake-downs and hoe-downs to satisfy the crew, Hornpipes and cornpipes, he s proved to us, is fun enough, But the reel old sailor s stovepipe is more danger ous to do." 43 THE FATE OF THE CABBAGE ROSE THE FATE OF THE CABBAGE ROSE They was twenty men on the Cabbage Rose As she sailed from the Marmaduke Piers, For I counted ten on me fingers and toes And ten on me wrists and ears. As gallant skippers as ever skipped, Or sailors as ever sailed, As valiant trippers as ever tripped, Or tailors as ever tailed. What has became of the Cabbage Rose That steered for the oping sea, And what has became of them and those That went for a trip in she? 47 NAUTICAL LAYS Oh, a maiden she stood on the brown wharfs end A-watching the distant sail, And she says with a sigh to her elderly friend, " I m trimming my hat with a veil." A roundsman says to a little Jack tar, " I orfentimes wonder if we " And the Jackey replied as he bit his cigar, " Aye, aye, me hearty," says he. And a beggar was setting on Marmaduke Piers Collecting of nickels and dimes, And a large stout party on Marmaduke Piers Was a-reading the Morning Times. Little they thought of the Cabbage Rose And the whirl-i-cane gusts a-wait, With the polly-wows to muzzle her bows And bear her down to her fate. 48 OF A LANDSMAN But the milliner s lad by the outer rim He says to hisself, " No hope! " And the little brown dog as belonged to him Sat chewing a yard o rope. And a pale old fisherman beat his breast As he gazed far out on the blue, For the nor east wind it was blowing west Which it hadn t no right to do. But what has became of the Cabbage Rose And her capting, Ezra Flower? Dumd if I cares and dumd if I knows She s only been gone an hour. 49 SENSITIVE SYDNEY SENSITIVE SYDNEY Twas all along the Binder Line A-sailin of the sea That I fell out with Sydney Bryne And Sid fell out with me. He spoke o me as " pie-faced squid " In a laughin sort o way, And I, in turn, had spoke o Sid As a " bow-legg d bunch o hay." He d mentioned my dishonest phiz And called me " blattin calf " We both enjoyed this joke o his And had a hearty laugh. 53 NAUTICAL LAYS But when I up and says to him, " Yer necktie ain t on straight," " I didn t think ye d say that, Jim," He hissed with looks o hate. And then he lit a fresh segar And turned away and swore So I knowed I d brung the joke too far And we wasn t friends no more. 54 THE GHOST OF SIMEON BEAN. THE GHOST OF SIMEON BEAN I was all alone on the tarboard watch A-busying of meself A-driving nails and dusting the sails And laying em up on a shelf. I was that engaged in me ardyous work It was minutes before I seen, A-lighting a match on the rooster hatch, The ghost of Simeon Bean. When I seen who it was I says to meself, " Oh scuttle me shoes, what a bore ! " For I knowed by his walk he was going to talk As he done in his life before. 57 NAUTICAL LAYS So I says to the ghost of Simeon Bean, " Ye re as welcome as you can be, But Fm busy to-night a-putting things right, And I can t converse with ye." " I can tell ye a tale," says Simeon Bean, " As would slither your marrer cold." "Ye can," says I, concealing a sigh, For I d heard all his yarns of old. " I ve went and seen," says Simeon Bean, In a solemn, mysterious way, So I answers polite as a shipmate might, "Why Simeon, you don t say!" " I have been and went," says Simeon Bean, With the wheeze that I knowed so well. And I says as I tries a look of surprise, "You reely don t mean to tell!" OF A LANDSMAN " If you d saw what I done," says Simeon Bean, Which same he had said before, But I gave not a darn for his musty old yarn, And I wouldn t endure no more. So I says to the ghost of Simeon Bean, " Git back to your watery bier ! For I know dumd well that the tales you tell Is the wust that I ever did hear. " And it s right that the dead uns should tell no tales, And the rule it applies to you. You d talk all night if I stayed polite, But that I refuses to do." Then Simeon, throwing a ghostly stare That gimbled me heart clean through, Says, " Where is the dime that ye borrowed one time And the knife that I lent to you? " 59 NAUTICAL LAYS I was founded dumb and paralyzed numb By the terrible words he said, Till I seen him glide right over the side Down into the oyster bed. And I says to the Mate, " That Simeon Bean Was the longedest windedest fool That ever croke an alamanac joke Or talked the leg off a stool. " And if ever I sees the sperrit of Bean A-walking around the mast, I ll let him walk, but I ll smother his talk." "Aye, aye," says the Mate, "avast!" 6o THE CONSTANT CANNIBAL MAIDEN THE CONSTANT CANNIBAL MAIDEN Far oh far is the Mango island, Far oh far is the tropical sea Palms aslant and the hills a-smile, and A Cannibal maiden a-waitin for me. I ve been deceived by a damsel Spanish And Indian maidens both red and brown, A black-eyed Turk and a blue-eyed Danish And a Puritan lassie of Salem town. For the Puritan Prue she sets in the offing A-castin er eyes at a tall Marine, And the Spanish minx is the wust at scoffing Of all of the wimming I ever seen. I NAUTICAL LAYS But the cannibal maid is a simple creetur With a habit of gazin* over the sea, A-hopin in vain for the day 1*11 meet *er And constant and faithful a-yearnin for me. Me Turkish sweetheart she played me double Eloped with the Sultan Harum In-Deed, And the Danish damsel she made me trouble When she ups and married an oblong Swede. But there s truth in the heart of the maid of Mango, Though her cheeks is black like the kiln-baked cork, As she sets in the shade of the whingo-whango A-waitin for me with a knife and fork. 64 SEA GUDGE When down in the slime, -without ary word o warnin , The Gudge I seen in the seaweed green a-winkin his indolent eye." , , THE DEEP SEA GUDGE The deep sea Gudge what lives on the sandy bot tom, (Is the fish o the sea afeard o we or us ns afeard o they?) Feelers and gills and hookers and claws he s got em Trailin behind and j inted and j ined in an orful, onnatteral way. You fish for herring with sinkers and hooks and yankers, You fish for trout with a silk line stout and a little moskeeter fly, NAUTICAL LAYS But the deep sea Gudge he nibbles at chains and anchors And gobbles at rafts and lumber crafts and battle ships hurryin* by. We lay one noon in the lea o* the dry Melessas, And we pulled right main at our anchor chain, but found she refused to budge, Then we shuddered and winked and whispered together, "Bless us! Our anchor s cast and she s held tight fast in the teeth o the deep sea Gudge ! " It was me that dove in the slith o the sea next mornin* To see if the Gudge was willin to budge for a sailor that s slick and sly, When down in the slime, without ary word o warnin , The Gudge I seen in the seaweed green a-wunkin* his indolent eye. 68 OF A LANDSMAN And the anchor he held like a quid in his teeth and chawed it I couldn t but look, though I shuddered and shook at the terrible sight I see For the barb was caught in the roof of his mouth and clawed it While the Gudge cried, " Help ! " with a dolorous yelp that frizzled the blood o* me. " O Gudge," says I, " It s the anchor of ourn you re eatin " " Gwan away if ye ve nothin* to say," says the Gudge in a glummerin* grouch, " For I ve swallered the prong and me pain is be yond repeatin ," Then he flibbered and flobbed and hollered and sobbed with a piscatorial " Ouch ! " 69 NAUTICAL LAYS " Full orften I ve swallered a Chinee junk and a dory, And I ve made a snack of a fishin smack, that bein a tender treat, But me jaws grow weak as me head grows old and hoary And I never can rest when I can t digest the copper and steel I eat. " O wurra-wur-oo ! I m tellin* to you me troubles That you may judge of the pain o the Gudge whose stummick is full o ships," Then he blubbered again till the sea was a-brim with bubbles And twisted his face to a glum grimace and wrinkled his writhy lips. 70 OF A LANDSMAN " Don t take on so," I says, " and I ll try to ease you." So I signaled above till a line was hove with a crowbar tied thereto, Then I says to the Gudge, " Here s a trick o me own to please you. Now look straight south and open yer mouth and I ll see what a man can do." Then I druv the bar in the crease of his shining tushes And twisted and tugged and jiggered and lugged with a mighty, tremenjus pry, But the Gudge winced not at me wrenches and pulls and pushes, Till there riz a tear like a gallon o beer to his indolent, rollin* eye. NAUTICAL LAYS "Oh, stop!" says he, "it s the sensitive Gudge you re killin It s kind you are, but drop the bar, for yer efforts they ain t no use." But I yanked once more with a yank that was more than willin . And I tugged again with me might and main till the anchor and chain came loose. Then he gawped at me with a look o surprise and puzzle, (Is the fish o the sea afeard o we or us ns afeard o they?) And seein the anchor hangin close to his muzzle He gave a gulp and swallered it up in a solemn and obstinate way. 72 OF A LANDSMAN " Oh murder ! " he cried as again it stuck in his gullet, " O pull it free, it s a-hurtin of me O slither me deaf and dumb ! " " You ve druven the cork," says I, " and you ll have to pull it And I ll take no fudge from a deep sea Gudge," so back to the ship I swum. And the deep sea Gudge what lives on the floor o the ocean He chaws in vain at our anchor chain which neither will break nor budge, And our bark rides high with never a move nor motion While we cusses the day we was fastened to stay by the whim o the deep sea Gudge. 73 REMINISCENCE REMINISCENCE When many years we d been apart I met Sad Jim ashore And set to talkin heart to heart About the days of yore. "Do you recall them happy days? " " I don t," says Jim, " do you? " I speaks up hearty and I says, " Be jiggered if I do ! " " Then why are you recallin of The joyful days gone by, The songs and girls we ust to love?" "What songs and girls?" says I. 77 NAUTICAL LAYS " I guess I have fergot," says Jim And started N N E. It seems I had the best o him And him the best o me. THE DUTIFUL MARINER THE DUTIFUL MARINER Twas off the Eastern Filigrees Wizzle the pipes o ertop! When the gallant Captain of the Cheese Began to skip and hop. " Oh stately man and old beside, Why dost gymnastics do? Is such example dignified To set before your crew?" " Oh hang me crew," the Captain cried, " And scuttle of me ship. If I m the skipper, blarst me hide ! Ain t I supposed to skip? 81 NAUTICAL LAYS " I m growing old," the Captain said ; " Me dancing days are done ; But while I m skipper of this ship I ll skip with any one. " I m growing grey," I heard him say, " And I cannot rest or sleep While under me the troubled sea Lies forty spasms deep. " Lies forty spasms deep," he said ; " But still me trusty sloop Each hour, I wot, goes many a knot And many a bow and loop. " The hours are full of knots," he said, " Untie them if ye can. In vain I ve tried, for Time and Tied Wait not for any man. 82 OF A LANDSMAN " Me fate is hard," the old man sobbed, " And I am sick and sore. Me aged limbs of rest are robbed And skipping is a bore. " But Duty is the seaman s boast, And on this gallant ship You ll find the skipper at his post As long as he can skip." And so the Captain of the Cheese Skipped on again as one Who lofty satisfaction sees In duty bravely done. THE BATTLE OF CLOTHESLINE BAY / What is the scent from yon vessel blown ? \ " THE BATTLE OF CLOTHESLINE BAY The neatest officer on the coast Hang your sails to the whiffletree slat! Was the famous Admiral Buttertoast Who sailed the historical Derby Hat. Flutter the ensign, whittle the screw For the neat old Admiral and his crew! His sailormen were the tidiest tars That sought renown neath the billowing flags As they stood in place on the decks and spars With carpet sweepers and dusting rags. And Monday mornings the sails they d reef And iron em out like a handkerchief. NAUTICAL LAYS " Men," said the Admiral, " I abhor To litter my boat with the shot and shell, And it s very untidy to go to war And scent my sails with the powder smell ; So load the cannon with scouring soap And sachet powder of heliotrope," About this period on the main Sailed the slatternly pirate, Grimy Dan, Whose slipshod methods were terribly plain In the state of his vessel, the Frying Pan, Where the decks were littered with bottles and crumbs And the masts were smeared by his gory thumbs. So the grim marauders of Grimy Dan Sailed the greasy Frying Pan into the bay Where the Derby Hat all spick and span A-drying her clothes in the offing lay. "Ho!" cried the Pirate, and likewise, "Hum! Edam Schnapps and Jamaica Rum! OF A LANDSMAN " By me bloody yards and me slippery plank, What is the scent from yon vessel blown? " " That," quoth the bos n, Terrible Hank, " Is washing powder and eau de Cologne." " Heave-ho, mateys," said Dan, " and away ! I risk no battles on washing day." " Friends," said the Admiral, " I confess I m glad to be rid of the rude galoots. They might have caused a terrible mess By tracking our decks with their muddy boots. Dear me suds ! what a shock it would be To a shipshape, housekeeping man like me ! " So the Frying Pan with her tattered crew Like a dingy spectre slunk from the scene And the Admiral neat, when the foe withdrew, Sent a wireless telegram to his Queen, " I beg to report, if your Majesty please, I have lathered the Pirates and scoured the seas." 89 THE BOAT THAT AIN T THE BOAT THAT AIN T A stout, fat boat for gailin And a long, slim boat for squall; But there isn t no fun in sailin* When you haven t no boat at all. For what is the use o calkin A tub with a mustard pot And what is the use o* talkin Of a boat that you haven t got? 93 CAPTAIN PINK OF THE PEPPERMINT CAPTAIN PINK OF THE PEPPERMINT Old Capting Pink of the Peppermint, Though kindly at heart and good, Had a blunt, bluff way of a-gittin is say That we all of us understood. When he brained a man with a pingle spike Or plastered a seaman flat, We should a been blowed, but we all of us knowed That he didn t mean nothin by that. For Capting Pink was a bashful man And leary of talk as death, So he easily saw that a crack in the jaw Was better than wastin* is breath. 97 Sometimes he d stroll from the ostrich hatch Jest a-feelin a trifle rum, Then he d hang us tars to the masts and spars By a heel or an ear or a thumb. When he done like that, as he oft *times did, We winked at each other and smole, And we snickered in glee and says, says we, "Ain t that like the dear old soul!" I was wonderful fond of old Capting Pink, And Pink he was fond o me, (As he frequently said when he battered me head Or sousled me into the sea). When he sewed the carpenter up in a sack, And fired the cook from a gun, We d a-thunk that is rule was a little mite crool, If we hadn t knowed Pink as we done. OF A LANDSMAN Old Capting Pink of the Peppermint, We all of us loved im so That we waited one night till the tide was right And the funnels was set for a blow. Then we hauled im out of is feather bed And hammered the dear old bloke ; And he understood, (as we knowed he would) That we done what we did as a joke. Then we roguishly tumbled im over the side, And quickly reversin* the screws, We hurried away to Mehitabel Bay For a jolly piratical cruise. Old Capting Pink of the Peppermint I m shocked and I m pained to say That there s few you ll find of the Capting s kind In this here degenerate day. 99 VAIN HOPE! VAIN HOPE! With all me travels on the seas, With all me pain and joy, I never met An infant yet Who knowed me as a boy. They never speak o years gone by When I was young and free. This may be right, But it is quite Discouragin to me. 103 WHAT HO! SHE BLOWS WHAT HO! SHE BLOWS Yes, I am the bloke what shovelled the coke On the whaler, Lally-ma-Loo ; And the gallant soul what scuttled the coal Is the same that s talking to you. We stud in the bight that starry night A-tacking agin the gale When the Capting shouts, " She spins, she spouts ! Yo-ho and avast, the whale ! " (Of course you know that the yell, "Yo-ho!" Should mean, " Slack stidder and cast ! " And you understand the simple command When the Capting hollers, "Avast!") 107 NAUTICAL LAYS So we on with our coats and we manned the boats For the point where the whale she blew, And we carried aboard a bundle o cord, A pearl handled knife and a screw. " O Capting Nye," I says, says I, " Now what are we going to do, In such a gale to murder a whale With a pearl handled knife and a screw? " But the Capting s gaze was over the haze And never a word spoke he, And never a speech and never a screech, And never a word to me. Till he says and he said as he p inted ahead, Right straight at the monster s fin, " His actions denote that his heart s in his throat, So jab him under the chin ! " 1 08 OF A LANDSMAN So he held the screw I m a-tellin you true And he handed the knife to me ; And gripping the sheath in me wisdom teeth I plumped straight into the sea. Yes, out I dumb and over I swum Right under the monster s fin, Where I opens me knife, and regardless of life, I jabs him under the chin. Then the whale piped high a leviathan cry And he guggled in huge despair ; Then he splattered our sail and stud on his tail And turned nine flips in the air. " My eye, my eye ! " says Capting Nye, "I didn t expect that there, That a full sized whale would stand on his tail And turn nine flips in the air." 109 NAUTICAL LAYS And he says, says he, " It appears to me, That the animal must be vexed. We d better be going there isn t no knowing What he will be doing next." So we switched our tack and we hurried back To the jolly old Lally-ma-Loo, Me holding the cord which we had aboard And the Capting holding the screw. And he says to me, " If a way there be To murder a whale in a storm It s to bandage his eyes and smother his cries With a bottle o chloroform." no INDUSTRIOUS CARPENTER DAN INDUSTRIOUS CARPENTER DAN An honest man what loves his trade Deserves me honest grip; And Carpenter Dan was a handy man To have about a ship. The things he couldn t hammer up Them things he hammered down; He sawed the rails and spliced the sails And done his bizness brown. He scroll-sawed all the masts and spars And varnished em with ile, Then he shingled the poop of our gallant sloop With a gable, Queen Anne style. NAUTICAL LAYS Along the basement porthole sills He worked for hours and hours A-building tiers of jardineers And planting em with flowers. He filled the deck with rustic seats And many a grapevine swing Yes, a handy man was Carpenter Dan, For he thought of everything. Then pretty soon he got a scheme To ease the Capting s cares, So he fitted the sloop with a fine front stoop, With rugs and Morris chairs. And there we sat a-drinking tea, The Capting and his crew, When we heard arise, to our great surprise, A nawful hulleroo. 114 OF A LANDSMAN The Capting looked across the rail And sort of chawed his lip For Carpenter Dan was building an Extension to the ship! " Avast there, Dan ! " the Capting cried, "What have you gone to do?" " Don t bother me, man," said Carpenter Dan, " Fm fixing things for you." Then he toe-nailed on a rafter beam And sawed a two-by-four ; Then he gave a yank to a six-inch plank And started on the floor. So Dan he worked three solid weeks Till on a happy day, A double craft with a Queen Anne aft We sailed into the bay. NAUTICAL LAYS Along the basement porthole sills He worked for hours and hours A-building tiers of jardineers And planting em with flowers. He filled the deck with rustic seats And many a grapevine swing Yes, a handy man was Carpenter Dan, For he thought of everything. Then pretty soon he got a scheme To ease the Capting s cares, So he fitted the sloop with a fine front stoop, With rugs and Morris chairs. And there we sat a-drinking tea, The Capting and his crew, When we heard arise, to our great surprise, A nawful hulleroo. 114 J i. O F A L A N DS M A N ] a The Capting looked across the rail And sort of chawed his lip For Carpenter Dan was building an Extension to the ship! "Avast there, Dan!" the Capting cried, "What have you gone to do?" " Don t bother me, man," said Carpenter Dan, " I m fixing things for you." Then he toe-nailed on a rafter beam And sawed a two-by-four; Then he gave a yank to a six-inch plank And started on the floor. So Dan he worked three solid -weeks Till on a happy day, A double craft with a Queen Anne aft We sailed into the bay. i : NAUTICAL LAYS And from that bonny lean-to boat We vowed no more to roam; From window panes to weather vanes We loved our floating home. And as we sat among the vines On many an ocean trip We vowed that Dan was a handy man To have about the ship. 116 THE BALLAD OF HAGENSACK THE BALLAD OF HAGENSACK I d been away a year, a year A-sailing of the main When I came back to Hagensack To see the town again. " I oughter weep," says I, says I " I wonder why I don t? I know I shan t perhaps I can t, Perhaps again I won t. " But where is all the friends, the friends What once was blithe and free? I look to find that they have pined Away with thoughts o me." 119 NAUTICAL LAYS And so I sought the house, the house Where lived me old friend, Bill. " Tis sad," I said, "to think he s dead To think that grief can kill ! " " Is big Bill Smith to home, to home, Is Smith to home?" says I. " Oh yes, he s here a-drinkin* beer And larkin to the sky." " A-larkin* to the sky ! " says I, " And him, the faithless bloke, Was that bereft the day I left I thought that he would croke." Then I thought of Mamie Jones,-mie Jones, What was me finansay; It seemed that she, in decency, Would have to pine away. 120 OF A LANDSMAN " Is Mamie Jones to home, to home, Her that was deep enthralled?" " Oh, no, she s out with Mister Prout - I ll tell her that you called." " Oh that you needn t do, dn t do, You needn t do that same. Why ain t she cold beneath the mold? O careless, careless Mame! " One time I read about, afcout A tar named Tim McGee And people sighed and up and died The day he put to sea; " But not in Hagensack,-ensack Was such a story writ, For I believe the more I leave The healthier they git." 121 NAUTICAL LAYS Then straight I went and put, and put A turnip on a stick And with a tack wrote, " HAGENSACK, THE FICKLEST OF THE FICK." And then I took the turnip up And fed it to a cow. " I ll ne er go back to Hagensack," I says, and kept me vow. 122 ANDY CARUSO ANDY CARUSO Did ye ever meet Andy Caruso The mate o the Nannygoat G.? If ye hain t ye should certainly do so, Fer a wonderful person is he. When his ship is far out in the ocean He swims in the wake o the bark And whistles with glee and emotion And swears he ll be et by a shark. He speaks forty langwidges, partly, Which ye can t understand if ye try. If ye tell im the same he ll say smartly, " Quite natteral neither can I ! " 125 NAUTICAL LAYS He shoots off a gun and looks cheerful - Whenever he makes a mistake, And he talks in is sleep somethin fearful Three fourths o the time he s awake. He has the pee-cooliar-est trousseau Which he wears on the Nannygoat G. ; Yes, ye ought to meet Andy Caruso, Fer a wonderful person is he. 126 AUNT NERISSA S MUFFIN AUNT NERISSA S MUFFIN It was touching when I started For to run away to sea. All the town was broken hearted, As I knowed that they would be. And me Aunt Nerissa Duffin, Standing weeping on the spot, Handed me a graham muffin And she says, " Take care, its hot ! " Though you ve been a bit unruly We are awful fond of ye. I remain yours very truly, Ever thine, Nerissa D." 129 NAUTICAL LAYS Then she had a bad hy-sterick And she fell down in a faint Till they raised her with a derrick Light and airy? Aunty ain t So I left Nerissa Duffin Waving of her handkerchee And I took her graham muffin As I sadly put to sea. Says the mate, "Why don t ye eat it?" But me youthful head I shook; For I knowed nor dare repeat it Aunt Nerissa couldn t cook. Then we sailed to De Janeiro Where we spent a week in Wales, And enjoyed ourselves in Cairo Tossing oysters to the whales. 130 OF A LANDSMAN Next we visited Virginia Loading almanacks as freight, Then we tarried in Sardinia Where we caught sardines for bait. But when it was late September Something frightened of us all; What it was I don t remember, Why it was I don t recall. But I says to Capting Casmar, " Be we on the land or sea? " But the Capting had the asthma And he wouldn t speak to me. Then the pilot on the trestle He began to rip and snort And he hollered, " Back the vessel ! " Till the ship arrived in port. NAUTICAL LAYS And there stood Nerissa Duffin Waiting for me on the spot And she says, " Where is me muffin? Wretched boy, have you f ergot? " " Do you think I could ferget it? " Answers I in grief and pain, "Saved!" she cried, "I thought you d et it And she swooned away again. 132 MEDITATIONS OF A MARINER MEDITATIONS OF A MARINER A-watchin how the sea behaves For hours and hours I sit ; And I know the sea is full o waves I ve often noticed it. For on the deck each starry night The wild waves and the tame I counts and knows em all by sight And some of em by name. And then I thinks a cove like me Ain t got no right to roam ; For I m homesick when I puts to sea And seasick when I m home. 135 RETURN CIRCULATION DEPARTMENT 198 Main Stacks LOAN PERIOD 1 HOME USE 2 3 4 5 6 ALL BOOKS MAY BE RECALLED ARER 7 DAYS. Renewls and Recharges may be made 4 days prior to the due date. Books may be Renewed by calling 642-3405. DUE AS STAMPED BELOW FORM NO. DD6 UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA, BERKELEY BERKELEY CA 94720-6000 I." 14 DAY USE RETURN TO DESK FROM WHICH BORROWED LOAN DEPT. This book is due on the last date stamped below, or on the date to which renewed. Renewed books are subject to immediate recall. LD 21A-60m-4, 64 (E4555slO)476B General Library University of California Berkeley B 76! \ rr n tnrf M134G39 Wf 172? THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LIBRARY V V