DS 59* Li* UC-NRLF SB 5TM 7flb MmWM /J. : tf.-Wutrt-p*. Jht^fr-T*^. A*** ^ZZ~~7&~*~<£3L *XeJL / <^--^^t^> LETTEKS OF "EXTINGUISHER." SINGAPORE : PRINTED FOK THE AUTHOR AT THE " MISSION PRESS " OFFICE. 18 7 0. i-f G. DANKER PRINTER, MISSION PRESS— SINGAPORE. DEDICATED &o tf>e Sbutynts of t$m lEptstlos, TRUSTING THAT THEY WILL RECEIVE THEM IN THE SPIRIT WITH WHICH THEY WERE WRITTEN. EXTINGUISHER. M166577 PREFACE, EXTINGUISHER UNTO HIS FRIENDS GREETING ; Inasmuch as some among you have asked of me to publish these my Epistles, place I them before you, believing that you asked it not from their worth as writings, but as an echo of your own minds. u What is writ is writ ; Would it were worthier." * ^^%^y ^r^-^e ^w^y^ LETTERS OF EXTINGUISHER. Sir, — In the Island of Singapore, that lieth over against Malacca, which is in the far Indies, in the days of the reign of Col. Cavena', there dwelt many great and good men who were called Government Officials, because that they fished all they could out of the Govern- ment. But among these was one possessed of a little soul, who thought himself larger than other men, and wished others to think even as he did. And he said unto himself: What shall I do that I may cause my name to be heard, and make myself to be great, even above my brother officials ? And he went about seeking how he might encompass his designs. And it so happened that this man whose name was Mustirattin- dint, of the tribe of the Scots, had among his other duties with the vessels which traded in merchandize with far countries, (and which lay in the harbour near Singapore), to see that the lamps of these vessels were trimmed and lighted when darkness covered the face of the Earth. Now this was done on the land by Celestials which resemble men, save that they have tails, but on the water was it this man's work. And as he wandered along the shores of the Sea he espied many of these carriers of merchandize with no light. And he said unto himself: I have not told unto those men who command these vessels that they must show a Burning light, so to- morrow they will do even as to-day, and I will come down upon them in the dead of night with a lead pencil, and I will take the names of these vessels, and of their wicked masters, (who, perad- venture, are like unto the foolish virgins) and I will bind them that they pay unto me fifty shekels of silver, even fifty pieces of silver from each vessel, so that my name may shine like a burning light throughout the laud. 8 LETTERS OF EXTINGUISHER. Now it all came to pass even as he had said unto himself, and the men of the sea did pay each man fifty shekels of silver, but a cry went up from among these men, because of this unjust deed. Now it came to pass that this wail reached even to the ears of the Governor, who was a just man in all his walks, and who was called Cavena' (after the manner of the Scots) because that he would never " cave in" to the wrong. And he sent for Mustirattindint and said unto him. Why hast thou done this wrong thing ? And Mustirattindint answered and said " Lo, I thought to do that which was pleasant and good in thy sight, and now thou up- braidest me. And the Governor answered him saying, Give back unto these men of the sea every shekel that thou hast taken so unjustly from them. Then Mustirattindint subsided: And he went out from the presence of the Governor. Is* Feby. 186C. IN re DAVIDSON vs: ORD. X "The Lawyers' Fix" or "How I would have done it." By Extinyidsher In One Act — One Scene. Persons Represented. -JT Col. Mc F. — Judge of Supreme Court. Falstaff ] Kayu Puti [-Lawyers. Kayu Puti Kitchil ) Sheriff Scene— Court Room, Singapore. Enter Lawyers and Sheriff. Sheriff. — " Good morning all ! I come with noose prepared to snare the Lawyers." Falstaff. — " Take care, good Sir, that thou in thy warm zeal, entangle not thyself, for lawyers are not birds to be by such chaff caught." Enter Col. Mc F. with big books bound in calf under his arm. LETTERS OF EXTINGUISHER. 9 Col. Mc F. — " How now, ye fiends ! dare ye in sacred Court of Justice wrangle thus ? know ye that in my power it lies, for this contempt of Court to send ye all to " quod"! One of your number lies there now for conduct similar, pale and wan with rings of iron on his legs, counting the weary hours as they do drag their tedious length along, with nought but B, and S. to keep his spirits up ; to keep these up, he puts the spirits down. Silence then, all, and hear me well, while I do mete out justice. (Gets poetical) " To me for Writ ofHabeas Corpus, one Falstaff 11 has applied, to let the Son of Davicrrrom vile durance slide. In " Law I am not deep, and so, for two whole nights, I've had no " wink of sleep, but through these stupid books have sought to find, •' some precedent of case like this defined." (Turning to Sheriff) " Sheriff 1 hast thou the Corpus safe in hand, which these litigious " men of me demand "? Sheriff. — " My Lud ! I have it not ; though I do hear it lingers " still in quod, and clanks its chains, while vowing vengeance." Judge. — " You have it not ? Oh ! then the case looks queer"? (Turns over pages of Blachstone) "but jovial Blackstone makes " the point quite clear.'' " So"! tome 2 page 9, case Doe and Roe" (reads) u When one has not a corpus in his charge, he cannot give " it up to go at large." " This wise assertion seems to me quite " grand, and shows me just exactly how I stand. I therefore " cannot give the writ y'apply for, if for non-issue, I it die for." Kayu Puti, Kayu Puti Kitchil, Falstaff, loq:— " Fudge ! who in the de'il ever saw such Judge." Judge. — " What dared ye say ! ! For this contempt of Court, " I will to quod the whole of ye transport ; and now are left no " more bold men of sin (whom all agree to heaven they do'nt let " in) so 't strikes me I've now spoiled your little sport, and hold " ye where the wool is very short, for none remain to ask for you "a writ; now, Sheriff, see they all to Jail do flit." (Exeunt Lawyers in charge of dark Policemen). Judge (getting prosy) Now Justice reigns supreme, and Law shall not again these portals darken ! {Exit with salute of 21 guns) Exeunt Omnes. 10 LETTERS OF EXTINGUISHER. ACT I. SCENE I. Town Hall — Benicia, Enter Governor Sahara. (So called on account of place of birth.) Chief Justice. Heads of Departments. Hon'ble Men. Gov. loq. — In this our forum have we met, that we in confab close may quietly discuss the " freedom of the press." As for myself I do object to't. Heads of Departments. — It doth us proud that we, with your Celestial Highness, should agree. We all, in thy majestic person, are made one, and therefore 'tis for us to speak but as thine echo. Tummus Shot. — (for the Honorable men.) Well — Rubbut is an honorable man, yea, both of us are honorable men, and therefore will we not, in clamor, raise our voices ? In fine, why should we leave our gods, the dollars and the cents, to mix in such Celestial company ? Our voices are but as the wind, and when the Governor does ope his mouth, the deed is done. Why, therefore, should jve waste our valuable time in useless protests? Capt. of Vol. Host. loq. — I'll tell thee why, mine honorable brother. Is't not a goodly sight to see our names on all our chits with glo- rious " honorable" superscribed ? And those among us, who did leave their country for their country's good, can thus be lost to sight, for 'mongst our kinsfolk dear 'twould never sure be dreamed that we were honorable. We then among them may appear in high estate, and with this foreign name attached to ours, Ave may in time, in our own fatherland, be thus considered. Chief Justice. — I must remind my honorable brothers, that they from off the matter have departed, yet as my Scottish friend awhile ago did say, it matters little what he thinks or speaks upon the subject. Why not then end the farce, and let the great Mogul at once say " Thus it is," and there the matter's settled ? LETTERS OF EXTINGUISHER. 11 As for myself, I think it best that we among us have no Mem- bers of the press our crude words to report. From what I've seen thus far, but few there are among us who can frame a speech, while far the greater part like Logs do sit, until the Governor speaks his mind, and then the Logs with one accord, through magnetism won- derful, jump to the same conclusion with His Majesty. I therefore think, that Members of the Press should be excluded, from all of our debates, until the moment that His Excellency shall speak, and then they have the matter settled without further waste of valuable time. Governor, — I move that Members of the Press with note-books in their hands be not admitted. Attorney General. — Most righteous judgment! Auditor General. — Wisdom personified ! Treasurer General. — The very words I should have used! Colonial Secy, fy Engineer, — Of course ! Clerk of Councils^ — I had already entered it as law, so soon as I did hear his Highness speak. Adjourned for cool drinks, Singapore, 18th June, 1868. CHRONICLES OF ST. GEORGE, CHRONICLES OF ST. GEORGE. CHAPTER I. I. In the days of Victoria, Queen of England, there dwelt certain of her subjects in the Island of a distant sea, and it being so far removed from her throne, she sent unto them a Governor that he might rule over them in her name. 2 Now this Governor had but one leg, for said Victoria unto herself: It is but a small place, therefore will I not send a whole man unto them. 3. And when the Governor was come unto this Island which is called Singapura, after the manner of the Malays even unto this day, he did rule the people of Victoria with a just hand. 4. And he shewed kindness unto them, even like unto the kind- ness of a woman. 5. Then the people of Victoria did murmur among themselves, and said one unto another — What manner of man is this that has been sent to rule over us ? His ways are too easy that he should be permitted to rule over men : Rather let him be in charge of a land of women and children, but send unto us a man in whom dwelleth some "snap." 6. And they did write unto their Queen even as they spoke. 7. Now when Victoria heard these things she did even as they asked, and she sent unto these people a new Governor. 8. And the new Governor did as he was commanded, and went unto them to preside over them. 9. And when he was arrived, he called a carpenter unto him and commanded him that he should make unto him a throne. 10. Now throne in the language of the Dictionary is a chair of State, but in the language of the world it signifies a seat of Royalty. II. So the people were wroth, and said among themselves, What is it that this man doeth? Shall he make himself a King over us ? 12. And they with one accord declared that he should be sent from among them, even into the land of Coventry should he be sent- 16 LETTERS OF EXTINGUISHER. 13. But the Governor mounted his throne, and the people agreed to wait yet a little longer. 14. Now the Governor being a wise man, said unto himself, This place is surrounded with water, and how can I remove myself and my goods when it seems good unto me. 15. And he looked about him, and behold the only vessel he could find, which was of the chattels of the former Governor had no bottom, and the screw was loose. 16. And he called the Elders of the people unto him, and spake saying : What shall I do that I may have a steamer worthy of my royalty. 17. And they with one accord replied : Lay taxes upon the people, and buy such an one as seems good unto our master. 18. And he went out and bought, and paid 60,000 shekels of silver. 10. But the end was not yet. 20. And it came to pnss, that as he wandered through the chambers of his palace, his leg went through the floor, even into the chamber below protruded his leg. 21. And one of his servants standing near, seeing what had hap- pened, cried out, Master ! would that I might suffer in thy stead. 22. And the Governor was sore vexed and summoned the El- ders of the people again before him, and said unto them, What is this thing that you have done unto me ? Behold the house that you have prepared for me is rotten, even unto the beams. Is it that you desire to have another one legged Ruler over you ? 23. And the Elders of the people trembled before him, and answered: Master lay more taxes upon thy servants, and buy land and- pull down houses and build such a temple as seemethgood unto thee. 24. And he did even as they said unto him. 25. And the land was filled with sorrow, for the pockets of the people were tender, and they lifted up their voices, and cried with one accord, " Let him go from among us, lest we all starve." CHAPTER II. 1. Now this Governor had been a ruler over Convicts, and the ways a n d customs of good and free m«n were new unto him. i CHRONICLES OF ST. GEORGE. % 17 2. And he passed many laws, that were obnoxious unto the people. 3. Now the Governor was a man of letters, and could read. 4. And he read a parchment which told of the feudal times. 5. Now he did see that in those days travellers were ofttime de- tained by feudal lords and cast into dungeons, and it remembered the Governor of his own former time, and he was pleased. 6. Then said he unto himself. "Have I not had my own will tlms far in all things— wherefore then should I not be like unto those men of old ?" 7. Lo ! I will make a law, and it shall give me power even greater than the power of the Queen. 8. And it shall be in this wise; when any man, who is not of the people of Victoria sheweth himself in my dominions, and I like him not; then shall it be that I will send unto him a chit and will order him that he travel. 0. And if he travel not, then I will cast him into a dungeon, and there shall be none to release him. 10. For I will put an end to the old law, even an end to the Hah fag Corpus. 11. Now there were much people in the land of Singapura which were not of the house of Victoria. 1*2. And they marvelled greatly, and began to say among them- selves " Is it not better for us that we skedaddle. Verily this man is possessed of an eril spirit.'' CHAPTER III. In answer to " Snuffers' and " John Brown''' who called in question the right of" Extinguisher" being a foreigner, to criticise the acts of Government. 1. Now at that time there arose certain scribes who called themselves .Snuffers, and they did make light of the writings of a Philosopher of the period. 2. And the Philosopher was called the Extinguisher, — because that he labored to extinguish whatever seemed wrong in the cus- toms of his friends. 3. Moreover, he was a good man and his walks were in the path.' of virtue. 4. Now when the Governor of the Island of Singapura did do 18 LETTERS OF EXTINGUISHER. those things which seemed wrong in the eyes of Extinguisher, he did speak his mind on all these acts. 5. And it was not done in a spirit of bitterness, neither was it to bring derision upon the rulers, but that the rulers might see how those subject to them, did look upon their acts, and that they might be brought to think more deeply upon them. (). Now this Philosopher was perhaps in the wrong, but he had a head even like unto the head of a Governor, and is it not written that two heads are better than one, even if one is a sheep's head ? 7. So he did write. 8. And when the Snuffers did see what was written, they mur- mured at it because the Philosopher was not of the House of Vic- toria, and was a stranger among them. 9. But the Progenitors of the Philosopher were of the same blood, and he felt like a brother among them. 10. Moreover he spake the same tongue. 11. And it came to pass that when it was seen what was spoken by the Snuffer3, there arose great indignation among certain of the people. 12. And the days of the Snuffers were numbered — And the days of the last of the Snuffers, after that he was discovered, were two, and he died. 13. And there was no one to mourn for them. 14. Then arose John Brown, No. 93, and he did also write and speak against this good man, 15. And he was a man of ignorance and could not spell. 16. Moreover his Uncle, called George, was a man of sin, and was stoned to death because that he did cheat a young virgin of her small change. 17. And the days of John Brown after that he had written were three, and he died. 18. And there was great rejoicing because that there was now none left to abuse EXTINGUISHER. CHAPTER IV. 1 And it came to pass that a ship which was in the waters that encompassed Singapura did take fire. 2. Now this ship had cost much money and the body of it was filled with cotton, which merchandize was of great price so that CHRONICLES OF ST. GEORGE. 19 there was much consternation in the island when the news was noised abroad, 4$?- ^ 3. When Mustirattindint Heard this thing he hurried to the sea- side, for it was one of the duties of this man to put out fires in the harbor. 4. And he reasoned within himself, and said : Lo ! now is a good time to make our Ruler appear well in the eyes of the people. Did he not tell unto them of how much use the new vessel would be unto them, even the ' Peiho,' (for that was her name.) And straight- way he went on board the ' Peiho,' and did take the burning vessel in tow, and did pilot her unto a safe anchorage. 5. And the people said : Surely this vessel is of some use. 6. But when the Governor heard it, he was wroth, and he sent unto Mustirattindint that he should come before him. 7. And when he was come, he rebuked him, saying : What manner of thing is this : Is my yacht to be as a pilot boat, even as a tug to the vessels of my subjects. >*■ 8. And Mustirattindint answered him never a word, but felt mixed. 9. And the end was not yet. 10. Now it was that in the days of the former Ruler, the Chris- tian Brethren had agreed among themselves that they would build a house. ^ 11. And the Christian Brethren were good and pure men, who had done much good in the Colony, so that all men looked upon them kindly, howl eit their worship was not as the worship of the children of Victoria. 12. And the chief Ruler had promised unto them bricks to build their house. IS. And it was agreed that a certain class of Government Offi- cials, called Convicts, should make these bricks, and that the Breth- ren should pay for them only so much as they did cost. 14. Now when the new Ruler was come they went unto him and said, Master, we be come for our bricks, even the bricks that were agreed upon by Colonel Cavenagh. 15. And they showed him the promise of the Colonel in writing. 16. But he answering said unto them : I do not know him of whom you speak, for he departed from the coast ere I came, and I did not have the pleasure of an introduction, neither is his hand- writing known unto me. 17. Behold now shall ye make your bricks without straw even as was commanded of the Israelites of old. 20 LETTERS OF EXTINGUISHED 18. And they departed from his presence. 19. And the children of Victoria were sad, for the Christian Brethren were poor, and bricks were cheap, and they felt that the word of the former Ruler in such matter should have been sacred. CHAPTER V. 1. And it came to pass that a disturbance arose in the land of the Betelnuts which being interpreted is Penang. 2. And the Chief Ruler heaving thereof and finding the climate of Singapore rather warm, betook himself to that country. o. Now when he arrove there, the troubles had continued nigh unto fourteen days, and there had been murder and rapine abroad, and no man knew the number that had been slain. 4. But none of the men of the land of Jonbool were hurt, for the troubles were among two tribes of the Celestials, called the Goins and the Topi Kongs. 5. But much of the property of the men of Jonbool was des- troyed, and they cast about to find how they should make good their losses. Now the Governor was a man of snap, and possessed of a spirit called Bak Bone. 6. And he called unto him the chief men of the Goins and the Topi Kongs, and said unto them : Why have ye allowed this wrong thing. 7. And they answering said . How could it have been pre- vented by us. 8. And he answered : Lo ! are ye not the rulers over these tribes, and can these thing3 be, if ye set your faces against them ? 9. And they spake in their defence, saying : Lo ! have you not a tribe called Fanyuns in the country called Ouldairen in the land of Jonbool. 10. And is not Victoria the head man of the Fanyuns, as also of all the tribes of Jonbool. Why, then, shall you not make her responsible for the Fanyuns, even as you would make us answer for the deeds of the Goins and the Topi Kongs. 11. And he answering said : Ye have spoken well, and right dwelleth on your side. Nevertheless, I would show my power unto the men of all lands. 12. And ye shall each of you pay unto me 10,000 shekels of silver, and shall make good the property which has been destroyed by the Goins and the Topi Kongs. CHRONICLES OF ST. GEORGE. 2t 13. And ye shall be cast into utter darkness, until the money be paid. 14. And he cast them into prison. 15. Now when the news came unto the coast of Singapura of what things the Governor had done, the people wondered much. 16. For it was written in the laws of the land of Jonbool that no ruler of the land should take upon himself to do such deeds. 17. And it came to the earjiof a notable pleader called John, whose surname was Hatchsoon, because of his appearance. 18. [For is it not written that coming events cast their shadows before.] 19. Therefore was he called Hatchsoon. 20. And John said within himself: This Governor has done those things which are not lawful : And he has cast men into pri- son without trial. Lo ! I will take the part of these Celestials, even the Head Sinters of the Goins and the Topi Kongs, 21. And I will show unto them that they have been badly treat- ed and that there is no need that this money be paid. And I will plead for them, that the right may prevail, 22. For he was a good man, and cared not for lucre, which is called filthy, even unto this day, so that no man with clean hands and a pure heart will touch it. 23. So he departed, 24. And the hearts of the people went with him, for the men of Jonbool were just, so that even though their houses and goods were destroyed, they would not that men be punished without a hearing before the Judges. 25. For the men of Jonbool were not without blemish in the Far East, for they had boned much land, 26. " Now to bone, being interpreted, is to rob, and to bone land is in the language of the men of Jonbool to Colonize, but in the language of the men of the Far West, even in the land of Bruthir Jonathan, though they be of the same tongue, is to annex.', 27. And there was much impatience that the end of this thing- might be heard. CHAPTER VI. 1. And the Chief Ruler, after a short absence, returned to ingapura. 2. Now when he was come nigh unto the coast, a mighty 22 Letters of extinguisher. shadow came over that part of the island which is called Govern- ment Hill. 3. And the people were filled with amazement and ran about saying : Lo ! it is a bright day, neither is there any cloud in the firmament. Whence then cometh this shadow ? 4. But some of the people who were standing by the river-side looked toward the flag-staff, and beheld an immense flag, of such a size as had never before been seen in those parts, and it cast a great shadow upon the earlh. 5. And upon the flag was a large crown. 6. Now it was not lawful that any but the royal family should have a crown upon a flag, 7. So the news was noised abroad that the good Victoria, even the Queen of the land of Jonbool, or Andrew Johnson, the Pre- sident of the land of Unculsam, had arrove. 8. And there was much rejoicing. ( J. And the people flocked from their houses that they might greet Victoria or Andrew as they approached. 10. Now when the ship which had the same flag as that on the flag-staff came nigh unto land a boat was lowered, and a man descended into it, and was rowed by the sailors towards the shore. 11. And when the people saw that it was a man, they said among themselves, Lo ! this is not Victoria ; it is Andrew, even Andy of the land of Unculsam, 12. But as he came nigh, they discovered that it was the Chief Ruler. 13. And they were one and all filled with amazement, and said : It cannot be a Crown that we saw on the flag : Verily it must have been a Bull, even an Irish Bull. 14. And they look fixedly at the flag. 15. And some among them squinted through tubes, which are called Spy-glasses. 16. But they all agreed that it Avas a Crown. 17. Then said Snuffers, whose surname was John, and who was a wise man among the people : I say unto you that ye are all sold, every man except myself. 18. For it was given unto me for a long time to know that our Chief Ruler was of the Royal family. 19. Now ye know wherefore it was that he ordered a throne, and moreover why he takes upon himself such power, even autho- rity greater than the Queen. 20. For it is written that in this generation a man knoweth CHRONICLES OF ST. GEORGE. 23 more than his mother, and if he know more, why shall he not do more. 21. And our Prince came among us in disguise that he might see whether we were loyal and worthy subjects of Victoria, our Queen. 22. Now when the people heard these things they were filled with fear, and their limbs quaked, like unto the limbs of them with the ague. 23. Then arose their Philosopher, and turning up his nose, spake unto the people : Fear not : Perhaps even now he is not of the Royal blood, but is playing a goak. 24. Now goak in the language of the men of Unculsam, is being interpreted into the tongue of the men of Jonbool, a sell. 25. And the people, after making enquiry in many places, knew that it was even as the Philosopher had said. 26. And they were indignant in that they had been sold. CHAPTER VII. 1. Now there was a certain profession among the people which was called Banking, and the men of that calling were Bankers. 2. And there was one among their number which was noted for the gentleness of his demeanor, and for his Christianity. 3. But his gentle heart was also filled with indignation like unto the hearts of the others. 4. And he said unto himself : Has not the Chief Ruler sold me ; why then shall I not sell the Chief Ruler ? 5. Is it not written, that ye shall do unto others even as others do unto you. 6. So he cast about how he should encompass his design. 7. And as he sought, his eyes fell upon a piece of paper, which had come from the house of the Chief Ruler. 8. And there was no writing upon it. 9. So he sat himself down and wrote unto a merchant that the Chief Ruler would like to have the advice of this merchant at all times and on all subjects, even in the Council Chamber. 10. For it is written, that two heads are better than one. 11.. And he sent the parchment unto the merchant. 12. Now when the merchant saw it, he was pleased, for he said : Our Chief Ruler does many things which are not right in 24 LETTERS OF EXTINGUISHER. mine eyes. Now therefore I will try if I can turn him from his evil ways. 13. And he wrote unto the Chief Ruler, and promised that he would advise him, even as much as he wished. 14. And he sent this parchment unto the Chief Ruler. 15. So when the Ruler saw what was done in his name he was wroth, and would have given the Banker over to the tormentors, but they had sloped. y 16. And the merchanfwas wroth, but he was a good man, and a gracious, and his bowels of compassion were open, and he frankly forgave the Banker. X 17. Yet his frame was weiry,* and he could have punished the Banker had it seemed good unto him to do so. 18. And moreover, the merchant besought the Chief Ruler, that he would cause no noise in the matter. 19. But the Chief Ruler was a man of war, and had no bowels of compassion. 20. So he caused a parchment to be written to the Banker, and he reviled him therein, calling him a forger, which being inter- preted means a thief. 21. Then the people saw that the Chief Ruler did not appre- ciate goals. CHAPTER VIII. 1. Now it was a custom of the people of Singapura, that they should choose from among their number three men who were noted for their industry and for their wisdom. 2. And they were called Municipal Commissioners, because that they were commissioned by the people to make contracts with the men of the East for works of necessity in the town. 3. And it was among their duties to see that the roads were kept clean, and that drains were built to carry off the filth, so that no sickness might come among the people by reason of evil vapors and stenches arising from the ditches by the roadside. 4. Moreover, they made themselves responsible that the men of the East who did these things should receive just payment. 5. And they also did contract for the building of public houses, Wiry P. D, sfoeA