PR 4265 B6M3 ^X^^^' )}^^. FRENCH'S ®t)c Acting ISOition. No. CXXX. ^r ^ MARRIED LIFE: A COMEDY, IN THREE ACTS. Bf JOHN BALDWIN PUCKSTONK, i* ^Q MEMFEB ir THE DRAMATIC AUTHORS' SOCIKTV. TO MTHICH ARE ADDED, h fe<««Tiption rf the Costume — Cast of the Characters — Eutranc** iBd Y Relative Fositioiu of the Performers on the Stage, and the whoU of the Stage Business. 4> FKRrORMSD AT ALL THE PRINCIPAL THEATRES IH 7n« UNITSD STATBS. NEW YORK LONDON" SAMUEL FEENCH SAMUEL FRENCH PUBLISHER PUBLISHER 24 West 33d Street 89 Strand I'M 8 "w s '■ V — ce B "S Glover Faucit Tayleure W Olillo ■ a o a Rq -1 ci I- o m is M > c "2 OJ ni cC ™ re .S >- <{< ^ 5 (^^ 00 (U o . ^ >^ .S 5 5^1 6^^ -C 3 72 <, °o ;^ IS s § ? S g 5 -2 -i- « .^ 1 ^^^^ CO cc So 69 Co ^ L> > >• |> -5 .^t: .a; ^=^ « CO ^M i^ 5 i^l « e ^ •vJ ^ *- V LIBRARY UNIVERSITY OF CALIPORNM; SANTA BAIIBARA ft • f t ttm e .— (MAtKiiD Lin.) Mr. SAMUEL CODDLE— First dress, a drab long pilot cloth great coat, a grey spencer, drab trowsers, broad brimmed hat, and Welsh wig Second dress, a blue coat, black satin waistcoat, drab trowsers. Thin dress, nankeen coat and trowsers, white waistcoat and straw hat. Mr. LIONEL LYNX — First dress, morning gown, white waistcoat, and trowsers. Second dress, brown dress coat. Mr. FREDERICK YOUNGH USB AND— Blue coat, fancy waist- coat, tight pantaloons, and hessian boots. Mr. GEORGE DISMAL— Light olive coat, drab small-clothes and gaiters. Mr. HENRY DOVE — A plum-colored froack coat, buff waistcoat, white trowsers, and white hat. Mrs. SAMUEL CODDLE — White muslin dress, and white satin bonnet. Mrs. LIONEL LYNX— A white silk dress. Mrs. FREDERICK YOUNGHUSBAND, a pink silk dress and Wcnnet. Mrs. GEORGE DISMAL— A plum-colored silk dresf . Mis. HENRY DOVE— A yellow aitk dress, and whiie chip bjonot. MARRIED LIFE. ACT I. SCENE I " in cpaitment at the house of Mr. Lynx. — A fire-plaee M t}te L. 8. E., before which Lynx is discovered in his morning -goven, reouL ing a. nmcsyaper. A table near him, with breakfast service on it. Mk8, Lynx at a small table on r. in the sulks ; a practicable window to tkrov up, R. Lynx. l^Reading.'] "Bow Street. — Matrimonial Squabble. — The chief magistrate was occupied all the morning investigating a case of assault, arising out of a matrimonial squabble. It appears that the wif« of the complainant is a woman of violent passions, and so excessivel", jealous, that her husband's life is endangered." Do you hear that, my dear 1 Yo\i are not singular in your temper, you see. Airs. Ly Indeed ! Lynx. There are other women in the world excessively jealous besidei yourself. Mrs. Ly. You think so, do you ' L^ix. Shall I read the whole of the police repox-t 1 Mrs. Ly. You may do just as you please. Lynx. Don't you feel interested in the case 1 Have you no aympa* thy with the poor woman ! Mrs. Lv. You have taken good care to destroy all my sympathy ; in- deed, aiiuost every feeling and quality that I once possessed. Lynx. Save one, my dear. Mrs. Ly. Well, sir, what is that ^ne 1 Lynx. The quality of making yourself extremely disagreeable— wh? ion't you take breakfast ^ Mrs. Ly. I don't want any. Lynx. You did not sup last night. Mrs Ly. I did not require it. Lynx. You eat nothing at dinner yesterday, Mrs. Ly. I had no appetite. Lynx. You'll starve yourself love, and die. Mrs. Ly. Then you will be happy. Lynx. I shall certainly lead a quieter life Mrs. Ly. And have more opportunities for carrying oa yooi li irigues. Lynx What intrigues, dear 1 MARRIED LIFE. 9 Mrs hy "those are best known to yourself. Lynx I thought you were perfectly acquainted with them Mrt. Ly. I am acquainted with a sufficiency, believe me. Lynx. Name them, my dear. Sirs. Ly I shall not trouble myself so much. Lynx. Nay, I insist. Mrs. Ly Well, then, sir, — my dress-maker could not call yesterii; ►^t you must make yourself ridiculou.s. Lynx What did I do 1 Mrs. Ly Yoa told her, in my presence, that she was erj pretty. Lynx. Was there any sin in that i. Mrs. Ly. 'Twas not only a very great familiarity on 3 jur pa : , sir, bn) a want of respect for me. Lyn^ True — it was wrong in me to forget that few women can en dure to hear another admired. Mrs Ly. And few men think their wives to be possessed of anj charms superior to the first doll they may meet. LyyiT Excellent, indeed — my love, we must turn thors, and between us publish a book of Conjugal Aphorisms. Howe :t, I plead guilty to vjnr first charge, and implore your mercy — proceej to the next. Mrs. Ly. I think the last time we walked out witn Mr. and Mrs. Cod d)«i, that you might have offered me your arm, and not have left me to the care of the husband, while you flirted with the wife. Lynx. What do you call flirting ' Mrs. Ly. Whispering — laughing — and affecting to have, or really having, a quantity of interesting secrets. Don't ask me for a defini tion of the word, sir — I am not a dictionary. Lynx. I think you are, my dear — if I may judge by the hard wordf that you ever use to me. Proceed with your charges, I beg. Mrs. Ly. I heard of your being in a private box at the theatre two svenings since — and with some strange female. Lynx. Your hearing such a report is no evidence of its truth Mrs. Ly You were not at home on that evening ; indeed, I don'l know when you are at home ; always out ; always running about ; call ing jn this lady, and meeting that ; receiving notes of assignation, and — b at I'll not endure it longer, Mr. Lynx — you may provoke me beyond the bounds of endurance, and then beware Lynx Of what, dear ? Mrs. Lv That is best known to m3'self Lynx. 1 am grateful for the information, [Jiisinf.l and now having discussed a very conjugal breakfast, I shall prepsre for my momirj walk. Mys. Ly Is it possible that you can have no particular appointment ' Have you had neither pink nor blue nole this mornmg ] Lynx. No, my love. [A twopenny postman's \LT walk. Mrs. Ly. You won^t take me this morning? Lynx. Not this morning. Mrs. Ly You will go out? Lynx. 1 must. Mrs. Ly. V ry well, sir. [Aside.] Perfidious man, you will bittcrlj repent this treatment of me. [Coddle speaks outside.] There is some one in the hall. Lynx. [Looking off. l.] They're your friends, Mr. and Mrs. Coddle HARRIED LIFE. 7 V^mj will amuse you during the ten minutes tn« I 'equiro foi jiessm^ 'vf nat a strange couple — so oddly assorted , poor Coudle is fhe thinneat, chilliest man in the world. You must sL^t ail your wmdows. Mrs. Ly. His wife will immediately open them. Lynx. She, poor thing, is so hot. When he is below freezing point, •he is above fever heat. Mrs. Ly. You must allow that they do endeavor to accommodata themselves to each other's foibles, and not oppose them, and use theaa ts the means of tormenting, as some people do ! Lynx. We shall see. Lnler Mr. and Mas. Coddle ; Coddle wrapped uj, in a great coat, ozet which is a spencer; a boa round his throat; a cravat covering hit chin. Mnd a Welsh wig on his head. Mrs. Coddls is iressed in thin rthitt muslin. Cod. Ah, Mrs. Lynx ! Mrs. Cod. Good morning, my friends. I/ynx. How d ye do ] How d'ye do 1 Cod. I'm very cold — ugh ! fShuddering Lynx. Quite well, Mrs. Coddle 1 Mrs. Cod. Very well — but so hot. Phew ! Pray open the windowi fedd give me some air. Cod. No, don't, don't — I shall jump out of one of 'em, if you do. My inhuman wife would drag me from my warm fire-side this morning, although 1 told her there was an incipient easterly wind fluttering ■bout. If it should blow in full force before I get home. I shall die. Mrs. Cod. My dear love — 'tis nothing but a fine refreshing breeze, and one that you ought to be very grateful for. Cod. I tell you it is warmth that I want — warmth. Mrs. Cod. And it's air that I want — fine, fresh, blowing, whistling air. Cod. [Shuddcri7ig.'} Ugh — don't dear vou chill me to the bone to hear you. Lynx. Be seated, I beg. \^Crosses to l.j Excuse me for a few minutes, [Exit Lynx, l. Mrs. Ly. [Aside.'\ If he does go out, I'll follow him, watch him, and enjoy his disappointment. Cod. You have a window open somewhere Mrs. Lynx — pray shut it. I sat in a draught last week, that so completely fixed my head upon my ihoulders, that I couldn't have moved it without turning my whole body tt the same time, had it been to save my life. Mrs. Cod Merely a stiff neck, Mrs. Lynx. O'od. All my wife's fault. I sat for five days in this attitude. [Hold itig his head up stiffly.'] If 1 wanted to look at anybody on my left, I was dMiged to turn my whole body thus. If any one spoke to me on my right, I could only attend to them by f,ivoting so. If I wished to see what was going on behind me, I was obliged tc whirl round like > weathercock at a sudden change in he wuid ; but how do you tb'nk I itanaged my movement«i'' Af'«. iiv I really cin't guess. 9 MARRIED LIFE. Cod. 'Twas the only thing I could hit upon. 1 eat upon my wiWi naeic-Btool for five whole days. I ate, drank, lived and iwirled upoti * Slusic-stool ; — all through sitting in a draught — do shut your windowa, there's a dear. ^flrs. Cod. You'll suffocate me some day, Coddle — I know you will You don't know what a life I lead with him, Mrs, Lynx — five blanket* in July— think o' that. Cod. Highly necessary — we are more liable to take cold in hot we» ther than in any other. 1 always have four colds, one rheumatismj aai two stiff necks every July. Mrs. Cod. What d'ye think he did a week ago, Mrs. Lynx? I had retired early ; in the middle of the night I awoke in such a state of alarm — I really thought the room beneath us was on fire the air of my apartment was so hot. so sultry, that I could not draw my breath; I gasped for air. What can be the matter? I said to myself. Surely, ['ve been suddenly transported to the Indies, and there is a thunder- ■torm brewing. I rose — I opened the window o Cod. And almost killed me on the spot ; there was a strong north »ind blowing at that moment — enough to wither one, — imprudent woman. Mrs. Cod. 'Twas a fine bracing night breeze — but out of kindness to Coddle, I immediately closed the windows — Phew ! Oh, gracious, had you but have felt the heat — I fainted away in the easy chair — Coddle rang the bell — the servants came — and, to my horror, we discovered hat Coddle had clandestinely introduced a German-stove into the bed- room, and there it was red hot. Think what a person of my tempera- ment must have endured ' I've been ill ever since. Cod. Dr. Heavysides recommended it ; he said 'twas the only thing that could save my life, and rescue me from a threatened pulrnonarj complaint. I've had a wheezing cough ever since its removal — barbar •us woman! [Cough* Mrs Cod. You seem dull. Mrs. Lyng. Mrs. Ly I'm not in very good spirits. Mrs. Cod. Ah ! we poor wives all have our little troubles. Cod. And we poor husbands too. Mrs. Coddle won't let me wear & hair-skin comforter — did you ever hear of such cruelty 1 Mrs Cod. He thinks of nothing but his own personal ease. Cod. I'm ol)liged ; there's no one else thinks of H for me. Mrs. Cod He's the most apathetic creature living — no life, no passion, no impulse. I do like to see a husband subject to some little capricei of temper. If Coddle, now, were i.iclined to jealousy — end would scold me well — and throw things about, and go into a fury now and then, ' ■hould be the happiest woman in the world ; but he won't — thr.re he sit* from morning till night, as carefully wrapped up as an Egyptian mum- my I really think he is one ; he is — he's King Cheops. [Aside to Mk«. Lynx "J Oh Mrs 1-vpx, I'd jrive the world to make him jealous. But what IB the matter with you— have you hnJ words with your huEband' Mra. Ly I confess that we have bac^ a trifling disagreement thi nominff' \ HARRIED LIFEu jitt Ood. How delightful ! — Coddle, why don't you go jjito a (;as«iob, and knock nie down \ Cod. My dear, if I were to go into a passion, and suddenly cool, aa I know I should, the checking of the perspiration would be the death of me — I should die. Re-enter Lynx, dresssed for walking: Lynx. Good morning, my friends ! I am going to leave you ; 6 »n1 jou hurry away on my account. Mr». Ly. There's no necessity for that ; I shall be alone the w' >!'• di'y. Mrs. Cod. [^To Mrs. Lynx.] Ah ! you are a happy woman in i o«- seissing such a husband ! Look at him. Coddle ; observe his mannt — his air. Why don't you dress in that fashion 1 Cod. Me ! as thinly clad as Mr. Lynx is now. — would you see m* bt my grave ? Ugh! I shudder to look at him. Mrs. Cod. I'm sorry that you are going out. [T'o Lynx.] I thouj^I<> to have passed a very pleasant morning in your society. Mis. Ly. [^Aside.'\ I'm certain there's an understanding between them [ Watchmg them with suspicion Mrs. Cod. \_To Lynx.] A word with you. {She whisyers Lymx, aiu laughs.] Ha ! ha ! ha ! it would be very droll, now — would it not'' Lynx. Ha! ha I very, indeed. Mrs. God. I shall endeavor Lynx. Do, do — rely upon me. Ha I ha ! Mrs. Cod. Ha ! ha I ha ! Lynx. Adieu, my friends, adieu. Good morning, Mrs L. If 1 dfl a t return by five, you need not expect me till late. — Adieu. Exit, b. Mrs. Ly. May I ask, madam, why you whispered my husband^ Mrs. Cod. A mere matter of pleasantry. Mrs. Ly. Indeed ! Mrs. Cod He's the most charming creature living, is that h> necessity for it. Young. There im. il ILIRRISD liin. Mr I. Y. There isn't. Young. I tell you there is. Mn. Ly. Yes, yes — pray tell me. Mrt. Y. Well, then — Mrs. Dove, you must know, was a widow, arntf formerly the mistress of a large boarding-school ; but has now retired, after marrying her footman. They are the oddest couple you ever mel with. She is perpetually drilling her husband into politeness and cor rect pronunciation, which the poor man will never comprehend as long aa he lives. Oh. had you but seen them last night ! Whenever a oell rang, poor Mr. Dove could scarcely help starting from his chair, and running to attend to it ; and could only be checked by the alarming eyea of Mrs. Dove. Ha ! ha ! — Oh, those eyes — how they did remmd mo of my school-days ! just the looks that she used to dart at us poor refrac- tory girls. Young. My dear, why don't you keep to that portion of the narrative most interesting to Mrs. Lynx ; she don't want to hear of great eyc« and refractory girU Mrs. Y. I am sure I have mentioned all that is necessary. Young. You have not. Mrs. Y. I have. Young. You have not. Mrs. Ly. Ask them to walk up, I shall then be satisfied. Mrs. Y. \_CaUing.'\ Step up, Mrs. Dove, and bring your husband with you. Young. There is no necessity for calling up Mr. Dove. Mrs. Y. There is. Young. There isn't Mrs. Y. There is. Young. They are here ; don't make a noise Mrs. Y. 'Twas you that made the noise. Young. 'Twas not. Mrs. Y. It was. Enter Mr. and Mrs. Dove. Mrs. Y. Mrs. Lynx — Mr. and Mrs. Dove. Will you be kind enough to relate to Mrs. Lynx the purport of your inquiry f Mrs. Dove. The purport of my inquiry is to ascertain, whether the Vir. Lynx, that I am informed is residing here, is the identical pemjB k\\o, two years ago placed a young lady under my care? Mrs. Ly. A young lady ! My husband place a young lady undej ^our care ? Young Nay, madam, before you distress yourself, you had better L« Uisured that the Mr. Lynx alluded to is your husband. Mrs. Dove. The gentleman's christian cognomen was Lionel. Dove Lionel Lynx, Esquire. Mrs. Dove. Silence, my dear ! Dove That is what was on the trunk he sent to our house ; that's aH I know, my precious. Mrs Ly. The name is perfectly correct. iff* Dove. I was told that he had been in the army— MARRIED LIFE. 13 Urt Lt, Righ , madam, Mrs Dove. But had sole his commission, and ■ cos narrieJ. Mrs. Ly. You are right, madam — it is the same ; there is not tha ihghtest shadow of a doubt but 'tis the same ; — and this person that be placed with you, what was she 1 Mrs Dove. A young lady of great personal attractions. Mrs Ly. Ha! Dove She played the harp diwinely. Mis. Dove. Divinely, dear; think of your v's. Dove. Hang them ice's ; I shall never get over 'em. Mrs. Dove. She was placed at my establishment, not so mucii with a view to education, as with reference to the meeting with a comforta b.e and respectable home at a moderate charge. Dove. A hundred a year, and bring your own silver knife, fork, spoon, and six towels ! Mrs. Dove. Hush, love, we must forget the school now ! Mrs. Ly. I never heard of this. Who could the girl have been What was her age 1 Mrs. Dove. At that time, seventeen. Mrs. Ly. Her name 1 Mrs. Dove. Harriet Seymour. Mrs. Ly. Where is she now 1 Mrs. Dove. That question I am quite incompetent to answer — sn« resided with me a year and a half, and at the end of that time suddenly disappeared. Dove. We think she eloped, for every now and then somebody used to come and sing under the window, to such a degree that all the girU in the house went raving mad. Mrs. Duve. Silence, dear. Dove. Yes, darling. Mrs Dove. At the time of the young lady's disappearance there re- mained a small balance in my favor on her account, for extras, and ot which I think it probable that Mr. Lynx is not aware. Dave. Eight pound odd. Mrs. Dove. Pounds, dear; speak in the plural. Dofoe. Pounds, love. Mrs. Ly. I'm in a maze — bewildered. Who can this girl have been t Did she — did she seem attached to him 1 Mrs. Dove. Very. Dove. He called once, and I happened to enter the room quite pro- miscuously where they was — Mrs Dove. Where they were ; I was — they were. Dove Where they were ; and I saw the young lady a dissolvinf^ away mt>/ tears upon his shoulder. I was then Mrs. Dove's foofc man ! Jtfff. Dove. Henry. Dove. Martha I Mrs. Dove. How often have I told you ne^er to touch Dove. Oh, la ! Ah, I forgot Mrs Ly. 'Twas eome victim to his vilianv, no doubt, lloyi to dU 14 MARRIED LIFB. soTer the myitery — how to come upon him, when he may be anprajA red for equivocation ! I have it, my friends. [To Ma. and Mes. Ycurw'"- husband] If you should meet Mr. Lynx, let me implore you not t« oreathe a syllable of this matter to him ; let me be the first to tell him. Pray oblige me by dining here to-morrow. \To Mr. and Mus. Dovk.] You shall then be introduced to my husband ; and should it indeed I* .he person who placed that girl under your care, he cannot dare to deny it. You, my friends, [To Mr. and Mrs. Y.] will also be here— nay, 1 will invite every soul that I am acquainted with, and publicly expose hi* riUany. Mrs. Dove, We will do ourselves that honor. Mm. Ly. To-morrow, at five. Mrs. Dove. We shall be punctual, madam. Dove. \^Aside to Mrs. D.] You said you'd take me to the i/eMJologicai Gardens. Mrs. Dove. We must defer it, my dear. \_Aside to Dotk. Dove. That's the way you always serve me ; you never promiae t« take me anywhere, but I am continually disappointed. Mrs. Dove. Pointed ! Dove. Pointed. You use me shameful, dear. Mrs. Dove. Don't be an idiot, love. Dove You're a brute, precious Mrs. Dove. Henry ! [Looking fiercely at htm Dpve. Oh, them eyes — I never can answer 'em. Mrs. Dove Then to-morrow at five, Mrs. Lynx. Mrs. Ly. I shall rely on you being here — you will not disappoint mel — Mrs. Dove. Certainly not. Good morning Madam. Now, Henry, your arm. Mrs Ly. The servant shall see you to the door. [Mrs. Lvnx •pulls a hell-rope hanging by the side of the fire-place; a bell rings. Dove suddenly starts, and is running confusedly as tf to answer it, when Mrs. Dove checks him. Mrs. Dove. My lamb, you forget yourself. Dove Deuce take them bells, I never can hear one without running io answer it. Mrs. Dove. Good morning. Mrs Lynx ; good morning, madam ; good Morning, sir. [Curlesying profoundly to each.] Now, my dear, [^Aside ta Do rE.] don't forget to leave the room like a gentleman. [They approach the i. door, when they both make api'found obeisance, and go off. Mrs. Lynx falls in a chai^^ hiding her face in ker hands. Mrs. Y. My deal Mrs. Lynx, pray don't allow this raatter to affect r~>n so seriously. i'jung. Louisa, why do you check the feelings of our friend ? you angbl to bo aware that tears are a great relief when one u Buffering from menial agination. Mrs. Y. No, thc} a'r t ; a pretty relief, inded, to break one's heart with cry'tig. MARRIED LIFB. IS Tounff. It is a tclief. Mrs. y. No, it isn't — how do you know 1 — you never ciy, yoa bar tened creature Young. I prefer preserving my tears for a certain event. Mrs. Y. Ah ! when you lose me? Young. Yes. dear. Mrs. Y. That's the kindest thing you have said since OT>r marriaf* Your^. No, it isn't. Mrt. Y. Yes, it la. Young. It isn't. Mrs Y. It i«. Mrs. Ly. My dear friends — pray cease your bickering Mn Y. He will always contradict me. Mrs. Ly. If you meet my husband, pray be silent on this matlei ^nd be here to-morrow, I beg ; and should I be compelled to take a despe- rate resource to conquer the feelings that now consume me yAi will know how to pit}' and to pardon me. [She sinks intn a chair Mrs. Y. Come, Frederick, we'll soon leave poor Mrs. I^yni. , people don't like to have their sorrows intruded upon. Young. We ought rather to stay and console her. Mrs. Y. A charming consoler you are — how did you console va* yesterday, when that frightful bonnet was sent homel Young. 'Twas your own taste. Mrs. Y. It was not. Young. You insisted upon having a fall of blond in the front ofst Mrs. Y. That is the thing I detest. Youns. It is the very thing that you ordered. Mrs. Y When I tried it on, you told me that I never looked u frightful in all my life. Young. I didn't Mrs. Y. You did — I'll bum it when I go home. Young. Indeed you sliall not. Mrs. Y. I will — and I'll wear my dirty yellow one to vex vou. l^Exit, L. Young. Louisa ! how can you be so absurd ] Louisa, why don't you wait for me \ — you're the most aggravating woman I ever met with. Mrs. Y. [ Without.^ I shall go home alone. Young. You shall not. \^Rushng out l Mrs. Y. I will. [ Without Younsr. You shall not. [ WilhciU Mrs. Y. I will. Young. You shall not. Mrs. Y. I hate you. Young. You don't. Mrs. Y. I do. Young. You don't. Mrs. Y. I do. [The voices of Mr ond Mrs. Younghusband zre henrd contradiet ing each other, till they gradually cease. Mrs. Ly. I surely never fell, the passion of jealousy, till this moment 16 MARRIED LIFA. all mj pa«t suspicions have been mere faults of temper compared witli the testlessiiess, tiie wretched thoughts, and sinking of the heart that 1 now endure. Who can this girl be ] Where is she now 1 He know» full well — no doubt he visits her — may be at this moment in her society I'll leave the house — him — all — for this agony is more than I can bear [She is rushing out l., when Lynx appear t Lynx. Where are you going in such haste 1 Mrs. Ly. [^Controlling her feelings.^ So soon returned. Lynx. I had forgotten my purse. [ Going to desk, on a table up the »<• Mrs. Ly. I hope you have been gratified by your walk 1 Lynx. Yes, perfectly. Mrs. Ly. Of course you were not so much annoyed at your disi»» pointment, but you sought amends in some more certain amusement ' Lynx. Yes, dear — I returned to you. Mrs. Ly. You little thought that your note of assignation — your not* >f " mere business," was written by me. Lynx. It was, ehl And pray, what end has the paltry trick in- Bwered ? Mrs. Ly. Your immediate attention to it has convinced me of youi perfidy. Lynx. Indeed! Could you think of no better plan to convict me ' [ Takins a chnir Mrs. Ly. I have little occasion to tax my invention further, sir ; 1 now feel quite assured of my misery. Lynx. Of what misery ! Mrs. Ly. The possession of a husband, who practices concealment [Aside.'\ \ did not intend to breathe a syllable of what '' have hoard ; but I Co.nnot resist. I must tell him — perhaps he ma be guiltless. Lionel ! is the name of Harriet Seymour known to you 1 Lynx. [^Starling from his seat.] Who has dared to utt' ■ that name to you 1 who has dared to breathe a word of that person ] Mrft. Ly. Ha! now I am, indeed, firmly — wretchedly convinced What, sir ! your agitation leaves you defenceless ? — Where are youi arts — your falsehoods — your equivocations, now? Z unx. Who has been here ] M's. Ly. I shall not name. Lynx. By heaven, you shall ! [Seizing her arm. Mrs. Ly Hold, sir! would you use violence? Would you conctal your shame by raoe ! Listen to me! Ere I quite decide upon my Sourse, I will give you one opportunity of justifying yourself — one chance of a full and fair explanation. Promise me to be at home to- moirnw, — I will not, in the mean time, allude to this matter, by a single Wjrd ; no, no — till then, I will conquer my feelings and be silent. I ■hail be sorry to proceed in the revenge that I contemplate; but should I ha\e cause — remember, 'twas your own hand that cast down the fire- brand here ; and if I do take it up, and set the home of our happinesi vn flames, you alone are to blame, [Exit, k Lynx. What can she mean ? Does she threaten me with retaliation >\Tjo call have been here — through what channel can she have heaid' MARRIUO LIFE. I B&t I must avoid all explanation; I dare not revra au^tt connect* with that unhappy girl. Enter Coddle, l. Cod. Excuse my coming in so unceremoniously — I knew you wert here — I saw you come home — merely called to oblige Mrs. Coddia. There's that window still open ; permit me to shut it [Zfe crosses to B., tnd pulls down the vnndow.] Mrs. Lynx has hinted to my wife that a ^miliarity exists between you and her, and one that I ought not to shut my eyes to ; now, I candidly confess that I have opened them as wide aa I can, and what Mrs. Lynx can possibly mean, I am at a loss to guess. But entirely to oblige my wife, 1 call here, at the risk of my life — as I did not intend to come out any more to-day — to ask, if such a familiarity really exists 1 Mrs. Coddle demands it. for my own satisfaction. If I am not satisfied, she insists on my fighting you ; and if I am satisfied she is determined to make Mrs. Lynx beg her pardon. Now what is to be done 1 Lynx. My dear sir, you well know the temper of my wife, and the pains that she takes to make herself wretched. Be assured that her sus- picions are groundless. Cod. I know they are ; and I am convinced it has all originated in my wife's anxiety to excite me. Lynx. A word with you. \_Bringing Coddle forward.^ I left you here when I went out this morning — did any one call during your stay'' Cod. No one but Mr. and Mrs. Younghusband. Lynx. lAside.] Surely they can't have heard — no — no ; yet they may. Ha ! a thought strikes me. Sir, you have more than professed a friend- ship for me] Cod And have proved it, too. Didn't I visit you every week, whei. you lodged in that airy situation at Hampstead ! Lynx. My wife has, by some means yet unknown to myself, discov ered my connexion with a young female. Cod. Oh, you villain ! why don't you wear a Welsh wig? you woulc escape all these troubles, then. Lynx. I am compelled to avoid all explanation respecting her. Cod, Well! Lynx. 'Tis in your power to relieve me fiom my embarrassment. Cod. In what way ! Lynx. This young female, I, some time since, placed at a csuntrj school for protection Cod. Vou rogue ! Lym She disappeared, and all trace of her had been lost. Cod Well! T ynx My wife has this moment mentioned her name. Vod. Then, of course, she has discovered your trick 1 Lynx. Yon must publicly declare this girl to be your own Coa. What! Lynx. Your own daughter — and that to save your set el, i uodei VHik her charge. Cod. Bless you ! what would Mrs. Coddle say ' My dear boy, sheV 18 MARRIED LIFE. murdc. me T could not support such an assertion for fie world aow could 1 ever look in my wife's face afterwards ? Lynx Willi more confidence than were she to know Cod What"! [LvN\ whispers Coddle, who sluggers back to a chair, in gruu alwm. Cod. I m a dead man. Ly7,t I am in possession of more than you thought for, Mr. Coddle (<.*w, sir, you see the plot is not one of such very great difficulty tc »iecute. If you will no. assist me, I must proclaim Cod. Noi a word, on your life — plunge me into a cold hath, make aae sleep a whole night on the top of the Monument — compel me tc do anything for which I have a horror — hut breathe not a word oi tkoA of that Lynx. Do then, as I request. Cod. I will — I swear it — there [Falling on hit knees. Lynx. iJjive my secret, and I will preserve yours. END OF ACT I. i ACT ri. (fOENE \. — An apartment in the house of Mr. Coddle ; windows &l tk* back V th curtains ; the doors are ed>^ed with list and leather. Table and ciairs ; an easy chair in the centre of the stage ; Mas. Coddle dis- covtieu at the table, a note in her hand. Mrr. Cod. How very odd ! how very strange ! though this note arri- ved Ust night, I have scarcely done anything since but read it. [Heads ] " My dear Mrs. Coddle, pray pardon the warmth of my temper, that lea me to use certain expressions to you, of which, at the time, I was not conscious ; though now, on recollec-tion of them, I express my sorrow. Forgive me, and dine with u« at five to-morrow ; do not disappoint me on your life, as I have a strong reason for inviting you ; bring Coddle with you, of course. Sincerely yours, Emmeline Links." What a strange woman I who would suppose, that yesterday, she desired me tc quit tlie house and never enter there again. Well, I'm resolved to go. What a length of lime Coddle lakes for dressing ; 'tis now half-past four, »nd I have been ready this hour. [She knocks at r. d.] Coddle, you J'ofie make haste. i'dd [ IVi/lnn.] 1 shall be ready immediately ; I am now putting on sny f.iuilh waistcoat. Mis Cod. And he vears six. liovf the man can exist in such a state I know not ; and what is the matter with him, I am equally at a loss to guess ; he has been overpowered with nervous agitation and ki a high fever ali *he morning ; has been talking in his sleep all night I could only catch the words '* Don't — I'll say anything — declare aLything — but don't." The man has something on his mind ; what can it be ! H« surely can't have committed any crime — ? rjlbery or a tsurder 1 Oh, tfae monster 1 I must question him. MAKhlED LIFB. 19 £,nter Coddie, r d., drestcd for c dinner party ^ «\\, my dear, are you better ! Jorf. Not much — I feel very faint. }fr« Cod. Give me your hand. [Coddle presents his hand tinnily.\ Dear — dear — what a burning fever you are in — your hands are like hv« ro^is ; and what a pulse ! \_Fecling his pulse.] Heavens, Samuel '—jvi 3 re ill. Cod. I am. iVr« Ood. And the cause is not so much bodily infirmity aa aieiiU Owsiety. C':d. Lord ! — do vou — do you think so ! Mrs. Cod. You are fainting; let me open the wmdows. Cod. No — no — not for worlds. Mrs Cod. What has caused this fever 1 Cod. I — I — ilon't know Mrs. Cud. Coddle, your mind is diseased. Cod. My dear, dont speak to me in that fierce manner, you make a< ».-fmble from head to foot. Mrs. Cod. You pass'd a wretched night Cod. I did. Mrs. Cod. You talk'd in your sleep. Cod. No ! [Alarmed:] Did 1 ; what did I say 1 Mrs. Cod. Sufficient to rouse my suspicions. Cod. I have been criminating myself ; 'twas while I was dream ng of I jing hanged. \^Aside.\ ^\'hat vhU become of me 1 Mrs. Cod. Tell me — what is this, matter that has so suddenly discon ,.«rtedyou^ Cod. Ah ! — she don't know — I breathe again. Mrs. Cod. Answer me, sir ; what have you done 1 Cod I — I — left off my life-preserving under-waistcoat, yesterday. Mrs Cod. B »se equivocator — you shall have no rest, depend upon it, till I am perfectly acquainted with the cause of your agitation. I have watched your uctioiis, sir, more than you are aware of; 'tis something in which Mr. Lynx is concerned ; I observed you, when you retui led from his houee yesterday, you came home quite an altered man — jou that were not to be roused by anything that did not interfere with youi own immediale comfort, seemed suddenly to have changed your nature; the servant left your room door open, unchecked ; a broken pane close to your eat escaped your notice ; you ate no supper; you ordered no fire m your be<' room ; and your sleep was disturbed by sighs and groans, a)id worln ff guilt. Ha ! \ have made you tremble ; now, sir, I shaJJ leave y j, and in the meantime you will do well to prepare for a coi.fe» »ion that I am resolved to wring from you. [Aside.] I have shaken hia trom his Ie\hargy at last. [Exit, l Cod 1 am a lost man ; 1 knew my day of reckoning would arrive Mary sii>ipccts something, that s clear — um ' — and I'm going out to din ner, to.i. What a dinner it will be to me ; it must be a feast of poison, »nd a lli.w of woe : if my secret is preserved, niv promise to Lynx nmsl litad to a commotion. \\'ho can this girl be that 1 undertake to own ^ A I ita ' — njw I think of it, Im safe ; he dare not be ray fne ; be I* ai fO MARRIED LIFS. much in my power as I am in his ; yet how could be nave diSi^verM «oy unhappy situation ? He wont acknowledge that, "io, no ; he con ■iders that mystery adds to his stronghold upon me. I have borrowed a book of criminal jurisprudence from my attorney. I want to learn the utmost penalty of the law for my offence. {He takes a book from kia vocket, and turns over the leaves.] Here it is — bigamy ! [Reads.] " If guilty," — " whaf "transportation for life." Oh! [Falling in a chair] Think jf my being at Botany Bay — working night and day — summei and winter ; in trousers without lining ; only a shirt on my back ; and a chain round my leg ; no umbrella to put up when it rains ; no such ^hing as a yard of Welch flannel within a thousand miles of me, and nothing aired for me ; I should die; the first damp night would send me to the tomb of the Coddles — oh ! [Shuddering He-enter Mas. Coddle, introducing Mr. and Mrs. Dismal. 3/ra. Cod. Come in, come in ; there's nobody here but Coddle. Cod. Ah, Mr. Dismal ! — I was thinking of you Mrs. Cod. Mr. and Mrs. D. have also received an invitation to dine at Lynx's to-day; and have called, in passing, to know if we were also going. Mrs. Dts. How ill poor Mr. Coddle looks ! IHs. What is the matter with him 1 Mrs. Cod. I'm sure I can't tell ; he keeps the cause of his illness a profound secret. Mrs. Dis. He's like me ; he loves to pine in solitude, and brood ovei unrevealed sorrows. J)is. You love to be a fool. Mrs. Cod. Our friends are as much surprised at receiving an invita- tion from Mrs. Lynx as we were. Mrs. Dis For the last time we called there the poor woman thought proper to be jealous of me. Dis. There was only that wanting to prove her madness. Mrs. Dis. But she has a cause for her jealousy. Dis. Certainly, when you are present. Mrs. Dis. Didn't we spe him, yesterday, following a young person past our house ? Dis. What of that 1 'tis a naf >'TaI impulse to which our sex are pecQ liarly subject. Mrs. Cod. Except Mr. Coddle — Were Venus herself to rise frant the sea before him, he'd take to his heels for fear of catching cold from th« foam. Mrs. Dis Tell Mr. Coddle the strange result of our inquiries, respcel iig Mr. Lynx's conduct. Dis. Pooh I tell him yourself. Mrs Dts. The young person that we eaw Mr. Lynx followiLg, and striving to speak to, was joined by an elderly lady in black. Cod. Eh ! an elderly lady in black — 'twas she, he told me she was ia Wick. [Aside Mrs. Dis. Of a very masculine appearance ; Mr. Lynx seemed to eo tor into earnest conversation with her ; when they parted, the twi MARRIED LIFE. 21 Mt.iM •ntered a boarding-house, next door to us; our servant, gom- ■ipmg »fitb the footman, there ascertained tLU the elderly lady u black- - Cod vVell Mrs Jis. Had just arrived from Antigua Mr» Cod Where your property is situated. [To CoDOtR Mrt D'S That she h.*d taken lodgings there fv r a thort time; hei iLgec* tKting to discover ler husband, who had left her in the W'es' In lies, and vLise name, stiange to say, was Cod. Lh ! [CoDDLk ha^ started ui during Mrs. D.'s narrative, and is regarding her wiu t-ritense curt isity, now falls bazk into his chair. Mrs. Cod. »Vhat's the matter T — what's the matter? Dis- He ht»s fainted. ilrs. Dis. H ^rb. here i re my salts. Dis. Open tl. » ^^vujoV'S — open the windows. Mrs. Cod. Nl, JiC. yoi_ will kill him if you do. [Dismal makes to tke inndows, but is checked by Mes. Coddlk ; Coi>- DLE, on hearing tKat the windows are to be opened, is about to ttan from his chair, buc nhc.ks himself, and resumes his position Mr$. Dis. Get him sone water — ring the bell. Mrs. Cod. Stay, stay, I'd go myself. [Mrs. Coddle runs off r. f. k. ; Coddle suddenly starts up bettretn Mr. and Mrs. Dismal, and takes a haiid of each. Vod. As you love me — if you do not wish to see me lifeless at youi feet, breathe not a syllable relative to the elderly lady in black ; mention not her name. Die. 'Twas your own. Cod. I know it, I know it — 'tis a terrible secret ; a story of horroi and despair ; when we are alone, you shall know all ; but not a word DOW. I beg — I implore — I pray — ah, my wife ! [ He falls back again into hia chair Re-enter Mrs. Coddle, with a glass of water. Mrs. Dis. He's better now, Dit. Much better. Cod. [Affecting to revive.^ Considerably better. Mrs. Cod. I don't wonder at your fainting ; my only surprise is. ihat /•ju can breathe at all in such an atmosphere there's not a breath of la permitted to enter the room. Phew ! I'm stifled ; excuse me a mo- sent, my friends, I wish to speak to Coddle alone. [Dismal anil kit wih tre going.] No, no — don't leave the room. Cod. [Aside.] What can she be going to sayl Mrs Cod Samuel ! Cod. My love ! Mrs. Cod. Surely y}ur agitation, and your sudden /aintnesi canfiM trise from any apprehension. tS MARRIED JSn, Cod. Ofwhatt Mrs. Cod. That this elderly lady in black, i» — Cod No, no, no — oh, dear! no. no. Mrs. Cod. You anticipaie me — not whati Cod. Not. — I don't know 1 what were yen goin^ to say 1 Mrs. Cod. I have very strange and very *prrible suspieioDB •• til •urely no poor creature that you, in the hey-da, cf your youth (]od. No, no, no — my dear ! How can yo i think — how can you iream >{ such a thing ! I never had any hey-day — never ; don't think that of me. Come, come — let us go to Lynx's to dinner. Get reEtdy, Jeai, get ready. Mrs. Cod. I strongly suspect you. [Mrs. Coddle goes up the stage, and throws a shawl on her shoul- ders. Cod What will become of me 1 If I escape the imputation of bigamy, the subject of that girl will be sufficient to bring my wife's vengeance on my head ; I'll run and drown myself in a v^'arm bath. I'll — no, no — i must rouse, 1 must rouse ; I must summon all my courage — all iny fortitude — and bring out wliat little of the devil I have left in me. Mrs. Cod. Now, Coddle, I'm quite ready. Cod. So am I. [Putting on his hat] Come along, I shall be very gay to-day ; you will wonder what possesses me. I shall be so gay : come, Mrs Dismal, take my arm, my dear, 'tis bad taste to walk with one's wife D., look to Mrs. Coddle 1 Mrs. Cod The man's mad Dis. Raving. Cod. You shall see me to advantage to-day; I feel a new man , yo> may open all the doors and windows in the house. I'll do anythin| desperate to-day — walk to Lynx's without my coat, hat, anything— come, my love. — Come, Dismal. — Fol de rol, de rol lol. [Coddle dances off with Mrs. Dismal, l Mrs Cod. Mad! Dis Gone, quite gone. {Eiit JoUowing SCENE 11.—^ Room at Ltnx's. Enter Mrs. Lynx, k. Mrs. Ly. The timo has almost arrived that will either relieve me h>Jm the dreadful suspense that I now endure, or plunge me still deeper into oisery ; since yesterday I have scarcely uttered a word in his presence; 1 have religiously adhered to the resolution that 1 would not tOuch upon « 3ubje>ct, that has so filled me with conflicting emotions; but tr-day, in an hour, I shall know the worst ; and if he be the guilty one that I am madly certain he is, his friends and the world shall kiow how I hav« Leen wrongf'd, and for what purpose I have asseml L-d them here. [Proditces a letter.'^ Were it not for tokens like these, I phould almost think that I had ceased to charm — had ceased to be Ic ik.^d upon even with interest, by the meanest of earth's creature's ; here is one that tells me he loves me : my husband once tdid m3 so, but thei. 1 was youngei JIARRIEb LIFE. 23 uid had a free haart to give ; that now, alas, is gone for ever; here ii one who offers me wealth — splendor and affection — if I will f< rsake a husband that slights me — that torments and maddens me — what sbali I do'' I have now the means of revenge — of a full and bold revenge Shal' J use them but to awe my husband, or shall I listen, and so make bim vte tha day that he first roused my jealousy ! But he may not '.< guilty — this girl may have no claim on him — beyond one of comjiassion or kindness. I may have suspected wrongly, and he may still have • lingering love for me, that may one day revive in all its early strength »nd then, were 1 to kiiow him innocent, and myself the only guilty one. f should go mad — should die — should — oh, heaven ! help me [S/u falls exhausted by her feelings, in a chair , Mr. and Mrs. Dqvi heard L. Mrs. Dave. Now, my dear Henry, mind your behavior. Mrs. Ly. Ah ! those people have arrived , my husband has neither •een them, nor heard of their having been here. I shall watch hia well when they first meet. Enter Mr. and Mrs. Dote, l Mrs. Dove. Good day to you, madam — I hope you find yourself ii. perfect health ? Dove. [Bowins.'] Good day, madam, feel yourself pretty welH Mrs Dove, Henry, my dear, silence. Mrs. Ly. I am obliged to you for being so faithful to your promise Mrs. Dove. 'Tis the height of ill-manners to disappoint one's friend* in an invite to dinner. Dove. And very stupid too. to refuse wittles. Mrs. Dove. Henrj, my dear Dove My darling, you never will let me talk. Mrs. Dove Not till you know how, my love. Dove. But my dear, if you don't let me practise, how am I ever t* «wquire the artl Mrs. Dove. .Acquire, verb active, to gain ; inquire, verb neuter, to aik questions ; acquire the art. Dove. Acquire the hart ? Mrs. Dove. Don't aspirate, love. Dove. Oh, bother, dear. Mrs. Ly. Let me beg of you not to allude to this young person till • fter dinner, I will then lead the conversation to that subject ; and then I hcpf you •will freely and truly state all that you may know respectii.j Enter Lynx, k [ync. Etnaieline, I [Seeing Dove and his wife.'} What ! the my8tef5 « niw clear, that woman has traced me, has told my wife, but my seen* ji safe Mrs Dove. Ah, Mr. Lynx, how d'ye dol surnrised to see me btrt •/■> doubt 1 Lynx. No, madam, no Mrs Dove. 'Tis some tjne since we met. 24 MARRIED LI7B. Lynx. Almost a year, I think. DoTi Eleven months ! I ought to know, because we wan.' JBtta# wber. Mr. Lynx used to give me half a crown for Mrs Date. Henry Mrs. Ly. I was informed that you knew these good people. [rolTifi LytiX. Oh yes, my dear, they are my very old friends. ilrg Ly Then I am happy in being the cause of renewing a friend jjj. that seems so warm on either side ; come, Mr Dove, lead me to he dining-room, our friends have ^jrived, no doubt. Mr. Dove, will f >u favor me with your arm ? Dove Eh ! [Looking confused ct his wife.] What am I to do! Mrs. Dove. Give Mrs. Lynx ''jur arm. Mrs. Ly. Lionel, will you b .ng Mrs. Dovel Lynx. [Offering his arm I , Mrs. Dove.] Certainly. Dove. [^Leading off Mrs. Lynx, l.] Well, I declare, this is gente«l life. Mrs. Dove. Thank you, sir, you are very kind. [Lv.Nx leads off Mes. Dove, l. ; Coddle looks on. r., quite pale. Cod. I have been running all over the house to look for Lynx, — 1 /faouiiht I heard his voice here — how 1 tremble 1 he must know that Mr. ind Mrs. Dismal have seen that wretched woman — though they have promised secrecy yet I cannot expect they will be always silent. Re-enter Lynx. Uh, my friend ! 1 have been Jooking for you — they are all at dinner, but I can't eat in the state of mind I am in. Mr. and Mrs. Dismal saw you talking to her. Lynr.. To whom '^ Cot' The elderly lady in black. Li IX. They did ! C I. Don't — don't look so astonished, you frighten me. J yni. They surely will not talk of if! bd. They have promised to be secret, but what will be my feeliuf*, ii their presence 1 — when either of them speak, 1 shall die with appre- ' tnsion. Lynx. Leave it to me ; we will see this woman to-morrow, and make some arrangement with her. Cod. I'll say anything — do anything — give anything — only conceal thr affair from my wife. Lynx. Depend upon me, and be at peace. But be sure you do no< • tuuity. Mrs. Ly. \^Asidc J Falsehood, all falsehood ! I'm convinced. Lynx. [To his wife.'] Now, my dear, I trust you are perfectly satu fi«vi ; and in this instance, I hope, you will confess that you were Jt error. All s. Ly. Certainly, as I have no opposing evidence to the veracity of »»Mr st-^ry ; though, still, I think it very — very strange, that you should Lav« sw troubled yourself on Mr. Coddle's account, if 'twere a mere act of friendi^hip ; the mopt famed heroe? of antiquity have never beea sor paisedL 26 UABRIED UFK. God. Ha / ha ! now I feel happy ; now my mind is at ease, and VM be comfortable. How that Mrs. Dismal fixes her eyes on me ! Now fill your glasses ; Mr. Dove, take care of your jauj. Dove. Yes, yes. [^A knock and ring heard. Lynx Some arrival. [Dovk jumps up, and rung off, t- Mrs. Dove. [Slirting u^.] Henry, come back. I declare the man haa gone to the door Henry ! Dote re-enters Dove. The door is opened ; there's an individual—— Jfrg. Dove. Sit down, my dear, sit down. Dove. [Aside.] I never shall get over answering the door when a tnock comes. [ Voices heard tnthout in altercation, A voice. You mistake ; you do, indeed ! You mistake. Cod [.Apprehensively.] What is it 1 Dovt. An individual Mrs. Dove. Silence, Henry ! Mrs. Ly. [Rising.] The servant is in altercation with some one ai th* d/ior ; who can it be I Lynx. [Rising.] Ring the belL Mrs. Ly. No, no — I'll go myself Cod. I have a horrid presentiment of evil ; a moment since I waa glowing like a furnace, with joy ; and now I freeze again with terror. Mrs. Cod. What's the matter, dear, do you feel cold i Cod Yes — yes, ugh ! [Shuddering Mrs. Cod. And I'm dying for air. Mrs. Y. So am I, Mrs. Coddle. Youns. I am sure you are not. Mrs. Y. I am. Dismal. Shall I open the folding doora 1 Cod. No — no ! Dove. I feel very languishing. Mrs. Dove. Henry ! languid. Doce Languid ! — how she does take me up before people. iAai44 God. Hush ! here's Mrs. Lynx. Iti&s. Lynx re-enters, a letter in her hand. Coddle regards her with was iely. Mrs. Lynx is trembling with agitation. Mrs. Ly. It was — it was as I suspected, a black falsehood. Lynx. What is the matter ? Cod. I shall fall flat on the floor, something is going to happen. Mrs. Ly. [To Lynx ] Restrain your curiosity, sir; you will uic'W ill in a moment ; there is a lady below Cod. I thought so. Mrs Ly. An elderly lady in black. Cod. I'm a dead man. [Falling hack in his chair, m lUter Seapmi Mrs. Ly. She tells me that her name is Coddle MARRIED Lm. yi M-: Cod. [Starting up.] "WTiat ! Mrs Ly. [Pointing to Coddle.] And that she is that man's wife. Cod. 'Groaning.] Oh ! I wish I could vanish through the floor. Mt». Ly. This letter is for you, madam. Mrs. Cod. For me ' [8tie tears the Letter open, a marriage certtJictU* ftlU on Ihejioor.] What is this \ Oh, I can't read it — I shall faint — 1 ttave no power te read ; praj take it, some one — Mr. — anybody — praj read it [She holds out the Letter, Dotb takea it. All. [But Coddle and Mrs. Dote.] Read it, Mr. Dove. Dove. I — I can't read. Mn Dove. Henry — How can you so expose yourself 1 Dove You read it, maam. [Giving it to Mrs. Younghusbaiib. Mn. Y. Shall i read it, Mrs. Coddle ( J£r3. Cod. Yes, yes, aloud — aloud — let the whole world hear it. Mrs. Y. [Reading.] " Madam, the writer of this is an injured woman. The monster Cod. That's me— oh— Mrs. Y. "The monster to whom you are married has another wife. I am that person ; the enclosed is a copy of my marriage certificate ; 'tis dated twenty years back. My object in coming to England is to claim a maintenance, and expose the villain. " Your obedient servant, " Belvidera Coddle." All. Bless me ! Dear, dear, dear 1 What a wretch — what a mon- ster! Mrg. Ly. The poor woman had better be asked up. Cod. [Springing from his chair.] No, no 1 I'd sooner face a thousane. Oh yes, love : h-\\e a hapricot, ma'am' Mrs Dove An apricot — Henry, dear, you mi ip^ly yo» i JjAtA antcle. D«^ Do J ' — console the lad3 > lursrf*" lov^ dO MARRISD LIFX. Mr» Dis. The fact is — I had no business to marry you Ihs Now you speak the truth, we both ought to have u was nfiver easy but when I was by your side; yoi knriv yov WAen'l . Mrs. Dove. But love is blind Dove Yes, and deaf too, if I may judge from my own situation ; jual a£ if J lu coulJn t have found out my pronunciation then as well as noyr. i know'd ther^ was a great contract between us. Mrs. Dure Contrast '■ besides, you are so stupid ; jou could IM^ MARRIED LIFE 31 luring dinner, hear a bell or a knock at the doc lut you tsus; be rnn- ning to answer it I sat on thorns for you. Dove. Well, then, that was werry kind of yoii I wouldn't do nuch a thing for my father ; but don't call me stupid — if you talk of bad lan- guage, what's that, I wonder^ Good bye I — you won't see me again, iii a hurry. Mrs. Dove. Where are you going? Dove. 1 don't know where I am going, nor I don't care ; rou>« wounded me in a tender pint. Mrs. Dove. Point ! Dove. Point ! and I don't care if I never see you agam. Mrs. Dove. [Ttking his hand.] Henry ! Dove. Let go my hand, Martha ; I mean what I say ; and don't follow me, because I won't be follow'd. Mrs. Dove. Yoa cannot intend to be so base 1 Dove. I do — you've put me in a passion, and when I am in a passion t'm dissolute. [_Exit, k. Mrs. Dove. Resolute! [Calling after him] Cruel Henry! I shedl faint — Help ! Henry I — Water! — oh ! oh ! [She faints in a chair, and the drop falls. END OF ACT II. ACT III. SCENE I. — A meanly furnished room ; a door in the flat, R ; in the te- cond entrance, l., a door bolted; the window shutters oj the room are put up. Table and chaim, two candleii bvrniiia. A knack heard at l D.; after a pause. Coddle peeps out oJ the door mflat. Cod. Who can that be? I told the woman of the house on no ac- count to admit a soul, or to tell any one who had taken her rooms ; but if she should be obliged to confess, to give out that a half-crazy gentle- man occupies them, who will not allow a creature to approach him but herself. I think I am safe here, nobody knows me ; I've changed my name, T have paid a month's rent in advance, have closed and fastened the shutters and door, and intend to live in future by candle-light ; so here I am alone [sitting in a chair'] with two wives claiming me, yei ■lone, that's something. What a night I have passed ! One minute trembling with apprehension, the iv^xt with cold ; the lo^se windows rattling all night like the chain of a sleepless felon — nothing but draughts all over the room, and a corner house too, its edges wore iway by the wind constantly whistling round it — ugh ' [.shuddering — « knocking heard, l. d.J It must have been the landlady that knocked ; she thought I was asleep, no doubt, so wouldn't disturb me ; how cold I am .—there is a terrible wind somewhere. This is the most miserable plate 1 ever was in in my life ; where can that i-ush of air come from T I must find out. here's my tow [going to table] with this and a skewer, 1 r*o s'..2p e'lery crevice. li/e goes round th\ room with a lighted candle; he holds it befor* 4 cr^nfice in the fla ; the flame of the candle waves. S9 Married life. A.h ! here's the place — a thorough ilraugnt. enough to kill me. [ fkn tandle eoes intt.] It has blown the candle out ; what a hdrid place ! [//« hammers some tow into '.he crevice ; whih thus employid, t kiifickms^ It again heard at the L. D., Coddle starts, the hammfis fal^t from his hand. Who's there] 'tis the footstep of a man, it is not the landlady; [// treeps tv the l. d. and listeru\ officers of justice, perhaps, who doggtw Bie here, — hush ! [Listens again ; a loud knock makes him start away from the ioot Shall I answer 1 I will — I must — this suspense will drive me mat Who — who's there ? Lynx. [ Without.] My dear fellow, open the door. Cod. Oh, it's my excellent friend. Lynx. [i/e runs to the door, and unbolt- Come in, come in ; quick, quick- [Lynx enters; Coddle immediately closes the door again, and bolt • •^ Now, what's the matter 1 how did you find me out? what brought yoa here 1 any of the police after me 1 any warrant granted 1 Speak, speak. Lynx. No.no, calm your fears. Cod. Was it you that knocked at the door a few minutes ago 1 Lynx. Yes, yes, and I thought you were dead, as I could get no reply You are as difficult to come at as a grand sultan. Cod. I am a grand sultan. I rejoice in a plurality of wives. Oh, thai Turkey, what a blessed country ! where bigamy is a virtue, and a man's consequence is rated not by the number of voices he can command in a parliament, but by the number of wives he can command at home But tell me. how did you discover my retreat 1 Lynx. You certainly could not expect to remain here unknown. Cod. Whyl Lynx. The house not only belongs to an inspector of the police, but » Bow-street officer occupies the floor above you. Cod. Oh ! I am a doomed man. [Falling into his chair. Lynx. The woman of the house gave me your whole history, when I called a quarter cf an hour ago. I expect two or three of our friend* here in a moment. Dismal, I have left at the door. Cod. Which do you think the easiest method of quitting life 1 Lynx. Quitting Hfe ! Cod. Aye. of committing suicided — hanging, poisoning, suffocation (Trowning, or the pistoll For to one of these escapes from my t«nir* ' am determined to apply. Lynx. Then you have not seen your wifel Cod. Which? Lynx. Your second. Cod. Not since we parted at your house yesteraay I can nevei ton her again. How is Mrs. Lynx' Lynx. She has lefl me. Cod. Left you ! Li/nx I am not in search of her. for this morning I hava received is HARRIED LIFK. SS lB»igenct> that leaes me at liberty to confe8s more ie«|-«titu/{ t^* |^ Jhaii I have hitherto dared to tell. Cod,. That girl ! My adopted daughter, you mean 7 Lynx. I do ; to this alone is my wife indebted for my seeking her I wculd rather have died, than have been the first to advance one etep towards a reconciliation, after her deliberate attempt yesterday at pub- *ickiy exposing me. \^A knock heard again at l. d. C herself Cod Mr8. Samuel Coddle ! Dyv. Yes ; she went out to the West Indies, m a doctoi'i faoiiij, «■ t^.count of some unlawful willaniei. She went to Antigua Cod. True. Dot: And changed her name— — Cod. (changed her name ! To what — ^to whati Dave. To— I forget— Bel Ood. Belvidera Montemarl Dove. That's it. Cod. Then her real name was J)ovt Jane Hobbs. Cod. Huzza, huzza 1 — an illegal marriage I I'm free — it can oe pot aside ! It can be put aside ! Tol de rol lol. IBancing.] You hei.», sha was obliged to leave the country ; she imposed upon me ; »h«'s left me ; she's here but to annoy me — but I'm free. Lynx unbolt ,he door, and let me out. [hxnx unbolts the door.] Mr. Dove, let m«. collar you ; you shall never leave me till I have seen and satisfied the lawful Mr» Coddle. You are my witness, and mupt come to your a'ani and then to my wife ; follow us, my dear friends — follow us ; serk jour wives and be leconciled ; I'll set you the example. Don't attempt o get away from me; \^To Dove.] you are my best friend, and I phdll never quit my hold of you. I wouldn't part with you for a million of money. My dear friend, my preserver, my everything on ear, Mas. DisMAJ., and Mas. Dove, r. h. I k. Mr». Cod. The unhappy creature, Mrs. Belvidera Coddle, is lodgbig here, you teil me. [To Mas. Dismal Mr». Dis Yes. 'twas et the door of this house that I saw Mr. Lyni litlking to her yesterday. Mrs. Cod. As she is not within, I shall look in agiin. I am resolvea lo see her, for the more I ruiect, the more I am incensed against mj bnsband. Oh ! I am a wretched woman. Mrs. Ly. Indeed, I am. Mrs Dove. So am I. Mr» Dis. So am I. Mrs. Y. I'm completely miseraWe — miserable. Mrs. Cod. I went home, but Coddle never came near the house ; he has abs"Conded, no doubt ; I did not close my eyes all night. Mrs. Dove. I have been in a state of perfect distraction since my dnhappy disagreement with Henry — where can he have gone 1 Mrs. Y. I would not go to my aunt — I changed my mind, called on Mrs. Dismal, and sat up with her. I am determined not to return home till Frederick fetches me ; it was Uncle Tolloday that gave me the thimble. Mrs. Dis. If you had not come to me, Mrs. Y.. I should have died before morning ; as it is, Mr. D.'s cruel indifference has worn me to a shade. Mrs. Cod. Indifference I I'm sure the apathy of my husband was never equalled ; I have flirted with a dozen young men in one evening to excite him to a little harmless jealousy, but in vain, and 1 really think,' he would neither have stirred, nor cared, had I eloped with three cap- tains at once. And now to discover that he has another wife ' Ok ! if I could see him again — I think I should assassinate him ! a monster ! a — eh ! [Sobbing. Mrs. Bis. Just like my Dismal ; when we go into company, he always gets as far away from me as he can ; never notices me — never ■miles at me — never looks as if he loved me. I — I — I am a very ill- used woman. [Sobbing. Mrs. Y. [Sobbing.] Don't weep, Mrs. Dismal; don't weep ; I won't, if — if — I break my heart. Y. sha'n't say that I ever dropped a tear at his absence — an aggravating creature ; though I could be comfortable with him, if he would not contradict me in every thing I say — and do— and— and— oh ! [Crying. Mrs. Dove. [Sobbing. Oh, Henry! — once reconciled, I will never eorrect you again ; you may select your own words from any dictionary foa may think proper. Mrs Ly. [Sobbing.] M* wretched fate is fixed ; I have suffered b©- yond the bounds of endurance, and can suffer no more. Mrs God. My friends ! — ladies 1 — bless me, we are all in tears ! thif BilUt not be ; what would our husbands say if they knew af our weak- Bes*'' No, no— we must not break our hearts for such creature i: w« MARRIED LIFE. 87 Buvi rally and augh Ha ! ha ! ha ! laugh, ladies, laugrhl and make four arrangements foi the future with resolution and spirit. You, Mr» •ynx. will, I presume for the present lodge here. I shall now step t« m/ friends and return in half an hour. Mrs. Dove, you are a sensible and well-educated woman ; pray accompany me, .i id give me your ad- vice ! we may hear of Mr. Dove while we are gone. Ml*. Y., yuu, of course, will stay with Mrs. Dismal for the present. Good tye, my dears, good bye ! Now, pray, don't fret ; be women — he women — don'J weep about a man. W'iiat are men 1 — mere self-elected law makers Don't despair, ladies ; the time is fast coming when we shall haTt voices in the legislation of the country, and then let them lo ik to thein questions. The wrongs done to our sex for centuries, shall be well revenged in the first session. [Exi( with Mrs. Dovk, l Mrs. Y. Good bye, Mrs. Lynx ; if you wish to see us, we are only next doov to you, you know. And pray, if you hear anything of oui husbands, apprize us immediately, and we will do the same for you. [Taking Mrs. Dismal's arm.'\ Now if Mr. Dismal passes the house again, I will call him in. Mrs. Dis. No, no ; you shall not. Mrs. Y I wM. Mrs. Dis. 1 won't hear of it. Mrs. Y. I'm not used to contradict, but you must. Though I am wretched, if I can assist in restoring happiness to others Mrs. Frederick Younghiisband is not the woman to be idle in such a matter. So come, Jear D., smile and look pleasant ! [Exit with Mas. Dibmal, l. d. Mrs. Ly. \_Alo7ie.'] Now, what course shall I take ? — that my hus band is guilty, I have abundant proof — and that I can never, never live with him again, is equally sure. I have sought a refuge here, in a miserable lodging-house ; for where had I to go 1 Where could ar outraged and homeless wife seek for shelter] with friends — with rela tions ! No, no ; I could not endure that bitter humiliation. If I aoj to be wretched, it shall be unseen and alone ; I'll have no cold and affected sympathy — no pity from my kindred. Pity ! there is no such reeling ! 'tis disguised triumph, and we know it too ; else why does the soul rise up withui us and spurn itl [Looking off. r. f. e ] Ah, he here! the writer of the letter I received yesterday? then he has traced me to this house. What shall I do] he must not see me. Hark ! [/t»- te.ns\ he is making enquiries concerning me; how shall I avoid himi To retaliate upon my husband, I affected to encourage that man, and he thus presumes upon it. But now, though I shall never return again to my home, I must avoid all that would make me cease to respect my- self — I'll to my room. \_Exil, b. t. a Enter Lynx, 'u Lynx. I have been rightly informed, my wife is here. Now th&t ] nave no further occasion for secrecy, shs shall know all; and if I csf VKakv her to a sense of the mis( hiefs that will :irisp from a too watchful jealoff igam . and Mr. and Mrs. Coddle are coming here with \ii thai iifferences re-umred. y ) Done. YooT aunt Hobbs ! 411 MARRIED LIFB. Jbcnt Don't aak questions now, dear ; when we are alone ITl fcftft iMrre evetj itiing. M.rt. Dome. Elucidate ! Divec. Now, you are going to begin again, love ! Mrs. Dove. No, Henry, I forgot myself; I never shall correct jo«, more, dear. /inter Coddle, capering, drested in a suit of nankeen; Mrs. CooDr.B a» his arm. Cod. Here we are ! here we are ! Belvidera has retreated in cort- feeion ; and the conquering hero, with his only lawful wife, standi before you in all the conscious pride of innocence, and a complete suit of Nankeen. All. Nankeen Cod. Yes ; no linnig — no, Mrs. Coddle has heard all — and has for given all ; she is now convinced how I was duped by my first wife ; has Lad proof of her leaving me — of her plundering me — of her coming here merely to make a property of me — of the illegality of the marriage ; and here we are united and happy again ; and there stands my friend and preserver, of whom I shall ever think with gratitude. IPointtng to Dove. Dove. Then allow me to observe, while you were pillaging your wardrobe, your gratitude might have jogged your memory a little, re- specting the condition of your preserver's clothes; this is quite the result of your own exuberance. Mrs. Dove. My dear Henry Cod. Hush, Mrs. Dove ; allow your husband to select his own wordi at pleasure — yield a little to each other, "tis the best and only way to secure domestic peace. I shall yield everything. Look at me ; I thai three days ago was all flatmel and under-waistcoats, now intend to defy air, draughts, open-windows, corner-houses, everything; and I and Mrs. Coddle are going in search of the North Pole. Lynx, my boy, have you cleared up your mystery and satisfied your wife? — that's right, now let us forgive and forget ; forget all but those qualities that first induced us to marry Mrs Sam., what did you have me for? Mrs Cod. Because I could discover, through all your erxjentricitiet, a natural goodness of heart. Cod. Then whenever you are inclined to be angry with nie, alwayt ^aink of that, and I, in return, will ever remember the affectico thai irst led me to seek you. Lynx, what did you marry fori Lynx. I freely confess it was for love. Cod. And you, Mrs. Lynx, married him firom the same impulm- 1 Mrs. Ly. Yes, sir. Ood. And you, Mr and Mrs. Younghusband, marrifei Young. For the same reason, as our friends Mr. and Mjii. bVU Kiairied. Mrs. Y. For the same reason, precisely. Cod. And you, Mr. Dismal 1 ]}i». Because I was tired of living alone. Cod. And Mrs. D- was weary of the same hfe, no iloiilitt MARRIBD LIFE, 41 lfr$. Dis. I confess my weakness. fhd And you, Mr. and Mrs. Dove, married— -tecau«e - Mrs. Dove. Being a widow, and accustomed to a shurer in niy jofl md sorrows Dim*- You took me int:) partnership, at my master's dissolution. (!oa Well, then, whenever a disagreement breaks out among you is 'ntjre. recall the memory of those inducements which first led you tc .tank of each other, and you will find it to be a wonderful help to tJi« Mu>/Btton of peace. Do you all agree to this I All. Yes, yes. Cod Then follow my example, and ratify the agreement by a heart) conjugal embrace ; / will give the word of command Make ready ! [As Coddle jiuls his c-m round his wife's waist, each of the husbandM do the same to tneir tcivea. Present ! [Coddle lakes his wife s chin between his fingers and thumb, and pr# pares to kiss her — all the husbands do the same. fire ! \_They all kiss and embrmce at the same moment. Cod. There, this is the way that all matrimonial quarrels should end ; and if yoM are of the same opinion, [To the audience] then, indeed will our conjugal joy be complete, and our light lesson not,, have been read in vain. You have seen the r'^sult of perpetual jealousy, in the case of Mr. and Mrs. Lynx ; of continual disputes and contradiction in that of Mr. and Mrs. Younghusband ; of a want of cheerfulness in Mr. and Mrs. Dismal . of the impolicy of public correction, in the instance of Mrs. Dove ; and of the necessity of assimilating habits and tempers in the singular case of Mr. and Mrs. Coddle And though these mav not be one half the cause of quarrel between man and wife — yet, even their exposure uj.iy serve as beacon lights, to avoid the rocks of altercation, when sailing on the sea of matrimony. So think of us, all ye anticipa- Ung and smiling single people; for you must or ought, all to be married, and the soor, ?r the better — and remember us, ye already paired ; and let our example prove to you, that, to mutual forbearance, mutual confidence, aiulual habits, mutual everything, must we owe mutual happiness. And «>iiere car the best of hapj)iness be found, but in a loyal and affectionat ttanried life. DISPOSITION or THE CUARACTERe. .^ Vlt C Mra. c. if. ^ a ^ \ Plira™-g2042 1234 UC SOUTHERN REGIONAL LIBRARY FACILITY A A 001 409 794 3